#the details are also wrong but i tried to more pay attention to overall shape and stuff and less on specific details

[hopefullydrawingdaily]

Attempt day 1:

I decided to give a shot at drawing a skull. I'm really bad at drawing people, specifically faces and heads so I think I want to first try to attempt those. And, well, a skull could maybe help me out with head shapes? Idk, it was the first thing that popped into mind when thinking what to draw. I tried doing it by hand while looking at a photo for reference.

I think I struggle with angles quite a bit and can't quite get the details for those right, especially any places where there's a small, but noticeable curve/angle. The proportions are off too. Those are two things I'll have to try to pay more attention to with other drawings.

[linklethehistorian]

🤗

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Oh gosh, a lot of things, really; in fact, there are so many things I could say that I’ll probably miss a few along the way as I’m writing this, and have to add to it in reblogs in the future.

For now, though, let’s see…

(Full answer under the cut for length)

1. Ignore the naysayers.

I know, I know — this advice probably sounds cliché and basic as fuck, but hear me out.

One of the most important things I ever started to learn as a writer — and still continue to do so in new and crucial ways, as time marches on and I gain more experience — was the value of not giving a shit about the naysayers.

When I was younger, I used to let the criticism of everyone — both constructive and destructive — live rent free in my head all day, every day, and obsess over making sure that my works were always as picture-perfect, innocent, and problem-free as anyone else told me they should be.

It was the biggest mistake I ever made, it made my life and my hobby a living hell, and looking back, it is the one thing I genuinely and thoroughly regret the most about any of my older works.

To explain this in better detail, here’s a little story-time for you:

When I was little, I would always have my Aunt telling me, “You shouldn’t write stories that are so dark, and [series I was writing for] isn’t meant to be so dark and ugly.” or, “It’s not healthy; there’s something wrong with you if you like writing things like this. You must enjoy things being hurt because then you get to feel good about helping and protecting them. It’s sick; you’re like those disgusting mothers who poison their kids so they can get pity and attention from it.” So, I would hesitate to write any major level of angst in my stories from that point forward.

Then, when I wrote a somewhat less “dark” story, she would tell me, for example, “No. You can’t have the Mom be in the wrong for what she did in this story. She was just looking out for her kid, and right to stop him from making friends. The kid is in the wrong and he needs to pay the consequences of his actions. Rewrite it.” So, I started re-writing it, but then quickly lost my passion and eventually abandoned it completely.

After that, I would eventually try to write a story for a different fandom — a book I loved dearly — and she told me, “Oh god, not that. That story is so stupid; you’re too old to like that, anyway.” Depressed and feeling stupid for ever even wanting to write it, I then abandoned that idea, too, before I’d even gotten past the first page.

If I tried to write multiple stories at once, swapping between them whenever I had writer’s block on the other, she would tell me, “Write one story at a time! Real authors don’t do that!” And if I complimented something in a book I read, saying that “as a writer myself, I really enjoy this”, she would quickly snap, “you’re not a real writer.” As a result, I stopped writing multiple books, even if I had the inspiration for them, and for a long time, I stopped daring to even call myself a writer.

Because I listened to someone who wanted to control and ensure that whatever I wrote would stay purely to her personal tastes, values, and interests, I let so many ideas that could have been born into the world die before they’d even taken their first breath and allowed myself to stay feeling inadequate and irrelevant. Would some of them have sucked? Would most of them have been cringe in some shape or form? Yes. I’m sure they would. But…I would rather have had those sucky, cringy books exist than to never get to see what I would have created — to never get to find the bits of good and overall interesting premises that yes, would also have come to be through each and every one of them.

I can never stress this enough, but please, new fanfic writers and even just writers in general: DON’T be like young me; don’t listen to the naysayers in your life who tell you that you shouldn’t write whatever the hell you want, however the hell you want, and whenever the hell you want. Do not let them get in your headspace over anything.

The thing you need to know about these people who tell you that what you want to write is “problematic”, “boring”, “uncreative”, or “cringe” in some way, and that you shouldn’t do it for your own good and reputation, is that they are all just like my Aunt: that is to say, they do not genuinely care about you or what is in your best interest — they are not genuinely trying to protect you or steer you on the right, most healthy path. Yes, they may claim that they do care and want the best for you, and to some extent, they may even think that they do, but at the end of the day, when push comes to shove, what they really want most is just to control you, so that they can stop you from creating content that they dislike and don’t want to have to see. Thus, rather than doing the actually healthy thing by learning to curate their own experiences in life and teach those around them that it is fundamentally okay to not share the same interests and opinions with everyone around you, they choose to guilt trip you and manipulate you into believing you are the one who is in the wrong, and who needs to be re-educated to recognize the dangerous non-conformists who may look like they are just minding their own business and hurting no one, but are definitely abusing and/or encouraging abuse to real live people and animals behind the scenes. (Because they write about the topic, so it must mean they commit or at least condone these things in real life, too, right? /sarcasm)

I promise you that these kinds of people and their moral grandstanding over things that aren’t even real in this world is far more harmful and genuinely problematic than anything fictional you could ever imagine and write or draw, and that if you went to an actual, licensed therapist and asked them their opinion on the matter, they would undoubtedly confirm that with no hesitation.

It may seem harmless on the outside to give in to one of their demands — that it’s not worth the fight, but I promise you, if you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile. It will keep extending further and further from one thing to the next until there is basically no longer anything you are “allowed” to write or draw that isn’t one or two universally accepted “completely healthy” pairings, in “completely healthy and happy, ideal” settings, in which nothing even remotely bad or mildly disquieting ever happens or is said — if you can even do that.

And this applies to more than just tropes, genres, characters, ships, plots, or what have you — these controlling people will exist about other things, too, and they must be ignored the same.

There will be people out there who will tell you that fanfic writing isn’t as good, fulfilling or creative as writing original works. It is bullshit — bullshit that, if not based on an intentional desire to control and manipulate your actions, is at the very least born of the incorrect and extremely biased belief that fanfic writing doesn’t count as “real writing”; ignore it, and do not feel pushed to create wholly original works if that is not what you already want for yourself and are passionate about.

There will be people out there who will give you so-called “writing advice” which tells you that you must never do a certain thing (such as using a certain phrase, perspective, or writing style) regardless of circumstance, and that if you do, that’s automatically a negative thing and makes you unprofessional and a bad or fake writer; ignore them the same. The reality is that many famous beloved authors of the world have either intentionally or unintentionally ignored certain so-called “rules” of writing and are still enjoyed and loved all the same — and sometimes even all the more because of that particular, unique, characteristic ‘style’ they created in doing so.

Constructive criticism can be great and help you grow leaps and bounds on your journey, but that’s the key thing about it; it has to be constructive, and furthermore, what may be typically considered constructive for one person may not be for another. If something is negatively effecting your headspace and making you more miserable and unhappy for having experienced it, that is not constructive — it is destructive, and you need to either find a way to make peace with it and be better for it, or cut it out of your life.

If you don’t want any criticism towards your writings, then try your best to communicate that nicely and outright to your readers; most nice communities (especially AO3) will largely accept that, and those that don’t can and should be blocked or ignored.

2. Realize that someday, you are probably going to look back at your old works and think that they are very cringe, and that that is perfectly okay. Remember how I said “ignore the naysayers”? Well, that applies to you, too; remember that you are almost always your own worst critic, and that if you let that hold you back, you will miss out on a lot of good things and experiences in life, too, as well as depriving other people of that privilege through what you could create.

If there is something you want to write, then write it; don’t sit back and overthink all of the potential negatives to doing so until you’ve talked yourself out of the idea, and it never comes to be.

Yes, it is very likely that someday all of the fics you are writing now — even the ones you love the absolute most — someday will be things you will look back on and, in some manner or form, think are “cringe”, but that is okay. It is okay even if you think it is cringe now; don’t be afraid of being ‘cringe’. Cringe culture is dead, as it rightfully should be, and you don’t need to try to resurrect it out of guilt or self-depreciation.

Not only is it a sign of growth for you as a writer to be able to look back on something and say to yourself, “wow, that’s something I would never do if I wrote this today”, but it’s also important to remember that just because something may be cringe or outdated to you and your current style, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone else to whom that very creation means the world or massively brightens their day.

Don’t delete your old works. Don’t prevent yourself from writing new ones by gaslighting yourself into believing they aren’t good or valid. Don’t hold yourself back from experimenting with new things that you may want to try just because it may turn out a disaster; that’s the only way to grow and learn. Don’t be afraid to be derivative or “uncreative” by writing something that’s just barely different from the source material, if that’s what you enjoy. Don’t be afraid to be repetitive by creating five thousand slight variations on the same story or trope; not only is that a valid thing to do, but there are also many people out there who are looking for exactly that.

All in all, just, don’t let you hold yourself back from something you genuinely want to do and will enjoy — in writing or drawing.

3. Don’t pay attention to the numbers. This can be a hard one to stick to, but it’s very important. All too often, we end up getting stuck comparing ourselves to others and the success that they have, instead of enjoying what’s right in front of us, and it’s not healthy or good — not for ourselves, and not even for others around us.

While it may be tempting to pick up the pen and try to write for a more popular series, trope, character, or pairing and rake in some of that sweet, sweet instant gratification with the big numbers, it’s important to remember that not only do those numbers not matter in the grand scheme of things, but also that nothing that is big and popular ever simply started out as being big and popular — and nothing else will ever have hope of joining that list of big and popular if you aren’t willing to take the first or another step in making it so.

That big ship you’re thinking of right now that gets all the kudos, comments, bookmarks, subscriptions, and hits that you wish your fic had? It didn’t start out that big. The most popular and successful fic of all in the biggest fandom you know? It didn’t start out as the most popular or successful; it started out just like your fic did when you first posted it, like your ship did when it first came into being by the first person to think of it. 

Things can only gain traction if they have people behind them, loving them, creating for them, and engaging with them, and every person who gives up on them because they’re not popular enough is one less chance that thing had at eventually becoming popular, just as that biggest ship or fic out there needs people who love it to keep engaging with it and standing by it in order for it to remain “the most popular”.

What you love desperately needs you, and you do make a difference for it; don’t turn your back on it and end up doing something that doesn’t make you happy — or at least that makes you less happy — just because it isn’t popular or doing the numbers right now. Someday it might be. Until then, be the change you want to see in the world.

The fic that I’ve written which I love the very most and have worked on the most and the longest is also the most obscure and niche one of them all — and yet, it did gain something of an audience of its own. It is beloved by more people than I ever anticipated it would be, because I didn’t give up on it — because I made it happen and dedicated myself to continuing that, and it can only grow more popular the longer that I do.

You can make your dreams come true, one step at a time. So don’t give up.

4. Write things based on what you love, not what you hate. Obviously, this is advice that requires nuance and extra consideration based on the individual situation, but as a general rule, I feel that this is a very overlooked and yet very valuable piece of advice for all sides of a given matter.

I’m not saying that is always wrong or even completely impossible to write about something you wholly and purely hate, and still have it come out a good and positive thing to put out into the world, but the trouble with writing about something you completely despise — or for which you even just plain feel nothing but a general dislike — is that it is very, very hard to remain unbiased in doing so, and therefore highly increases the chance that you will create an extremely negative misrepresentation of that thing in some way.

If you absolutely must write about something you hate, I strongly advise that you at least tag it as a hate fic and/or (preferably and) put a disclaimer before the fic stating outright that it is such, that you hate or dislike it, and that as a result you may not be capable of accurately representing that thing in every way.

As someone who has accidentally read fics of this nature before about something that I hold very dear, I can tell you firsthand that it is not the least bit enjoyable to go into the tags of your favorite ship or character and stumble upon an untagged, self-congratulating hate fic that pats itself on the back for how ‘accurate’ it is, with no regard or warning for people who actually love or at least enjoy the character or ship.

I, for example, never wrote a fic centered purely around Paul Verlaine and his character pre-Storm Bringer because, at the time, he was the character I just loved to hate; I had nothing good to say about him as an individual, and writing a fic about only him purely for the sake of shitting on him would have been an extremely terrible use of my time and energy, and of the time of people going into the tag for his character looking for nice, or at least accurate, representations of him. Now that I have a better understanding of him and can appreciate all aspects of him — not just the negative — I am happy to write about him, but, I would never write a fic just about Fukuchi in the present moment, because in that same vain as before, I have nothing positive or interesting or wholly true to contribute about him in his tag (not to mention I’m not really particularly interested in him to begin with).

All in all, while I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t do it if you’re willing to give the proper tags and disclaimers, I promise it’s really just not worth your time or energy, when you could be spending it instead on something you love.

And if you do write a hate fic and you don’t tag or at least give it a disclaimer, well, make sure that you at least state outright you don’t want constructive criticism, or else you shouldn’t be surprised if you end up with people who frequent those tags telling you that you’re not writing the character or ship accurately, because it will probably happen sooner or later.

5. Somewhat related to the end paragraphs of advices 1 and 4, don’t ask for constructive criticism if you don’t want it, and make it clear if you absolutely don’t. While most people — especially on AO3 — will not just submit criticism, constructive or otherwise, on a fic unless you make it absolutely clear that you actively want it, if you truly want to avoid having criticism submitted to your fic for any reason, it is best to state that you would prefer positive comments only (especially if your writing community is one that does leave criticism a lot), as it will save you a lot of trouble.  Likewise, if you do want more than the usual amount of criticism, you should feel free to ask for it, but please make sure that this is truly what you want, or else you may not like what you receive. 

I have encountered fic writers in the past who request, “please tell me what you honestly thought of the fic!”, only to then later delete any and all constructive criticism that their readers take the time to leave them. Please do not do this; it is a waste of time and energy not just for you, but for your commenters, as well. If you don’t want something, don’t communicate to others that you do.

6. Be as passionate as you want; don’t worry about being ‘normal’ about your interests. I know this is technically related to the third bit of advice, but seriously, what is normal is completely subjective to the individual and it is also completely overrated. Don’t sit stressing about if you act ‘normal’ or like something ‘a normal amount’; go crazy with it! Be over-ambitious about your creations and your interests! Make as much content as you want for it, spread it across all mediums if you desire! Make a music playlist that ties into it! Make a blog centered all around it! Post regular updates and exclusive content like it’s famous! I did all of this and more for one of my fics, and I’ve had the time of my life with it.

Embrace your inner overenthusiastic eccentric and have fun. That’s what hobbies and fandom are all about.

7. Be kind and supportive to yourself and others wherever you can, and mind your own business when you can’t. It’s unfortunate, but many times in life, when we get caught up in the rush of things and the height of excitement or negative emotions, we can forget to show kindness, love, and understanding to ourselves and to others. It’s important to remember to take a deep breath now and again, and consider those needs and feelings that we would otherwise ignore.  The schedules we sometimes create for ourselves are amazing, and they can help us keep on track, but they aren’t the end-all, be-all to writing and being a writer; don’t obsess over them and let them run your life or expect other writers to uphold them all of the time, either. Taking breaks for your mental, emotional, and physical health is so, so important and so necessary, and it’s something we all should be able to do judgement-free from time to time when we need it.

And furthermore, remember that just as you have your own interests, so do your other fellow writers in the world; sometimes they may move on and change fandoms, or have fictional interests that you don’t like or agree with. It’s important in those times to realize that that is okay, and that they are valid. It’s important to be able to say to yourself, “it’s not my business”, respect their right to do what they love, and move on to something that is your business and that you do love, yourself. Don’t harass or insult other writers in the heat of the moment over something that isn’t your business or they didn’t ask you to negatively comment on, and if somehow you do, make sure you apologize and learn from that mistake going forward.

Fandom is a big place, and there’s room in it for us all to co-exist and thrive.

—

Send me another emoji and I’ll tell you about myself as a fic writer.

[pixelwisp-archive]

Itadakimasu!! | Part 11: I'm Sorry (Written Chapter)

word count: 3.1k

The Mixtape: Thinking of you | CA, 1979

The music that pooled out of Onigiri Miya was anything but what you expected.  A small smile crept up onto your face - despite your best efforts - and with a featherlight touch, you crept into the restaurant, silently thanking the soft jazz for drowning out the creaks as you pushed the door open in search of a certain chef.

Osamu stood at the sink, hands working some leftover dishes from the work day. He hummed softly along to the music, and it surprised you just how nice  he sounded - how his deep hum complemented the honey voice that dripped through the speakers; rich, thick, and soft like velvet. You padded into the kitchen, clutching the wine and apron closer to your frame so as not to bump it on anything that could give you away, and allowed yourself a few minutes to listen and appreciate before ultimately ruining the moment.

“I didn’t know you could sing, Miya.” You brought a hand up to suppress a giggle as he stiffened and dropped the plate he had been washing with a loud clatter. Osamu bowed his head and cleared his throat, loud enough to drown out the music for a brief moment before it ultimately pervaded the kitchen once more. He grabbed the nearest towel to dry his hands before reaching for the remote, the music ceasing with a quick click. Once he turned around, your eyes immediately fell on the dusted pink that settled onto his cheeks, and you did your best to ignore the warmth that ignited in your chest at the sight.

"So, Etta James, huh?" Osamu coughed awkwardly, turning his attention back toward the sink to finish up the last few dishes that lingered in the basin.

"Ya know Etta James?" An affirming hum left your lips as you placed the bottle of wine and your apron on the island, eyes flitting over the rustic kitchen in search of wine glasses.

The kitchen was a decent size, the bright wooden counters and cabinets a stark contrast to the dark iron of the appliances, but it complemented each other and suited the space well. The soft ivory paint on the walls kept the overall area from being too loud compared to the rest of the restaurant, and you wondered if Kita was behind the greenery that added a lush, vibrant addition to the otherwise plain shop. Your eyes landed on a modest pile of cookbooks stored neatly in the corner, and you let out a huff of victory as you made your way over to the wine glasses that sat in a windowed cabinet above them.

"My parents were big fans, they've always had a funny fascination with America," you explained, and from the corner of your eye you saw him nod. The two of you relished in the, for once, comfortable beats of silence that followed, and you were surprised when he - for a second time since you had met him - decided to be the one break it.

"My Ma used to have this busted up, old, mix tape that she would play every night when she made dinner. Got it at a flea market when she spent a semester abroad in California. She always talked about how she wished she could visit again." The fondness in his voice made your heart squeeze. You busied yourself, listening intently as you placed two wine glasses onto the counter and filled them generously. "Eventually the cassette broke from years of abuse, but I managed to find the songs and make her a playlist. She still listens to it, every night, and I guess I got so used to it that it feels almost...wrong, to cook without hearin' it in the background, even though I'm not home anymore." You slid one glass over to him and he raised a brow at it, a soft smile pointed your way.

"I think ya skimped me a bit," he joked, and you chuckled sheepishly, a hand coming to scratch the back of your neck.

"What can I say, I like my wine." He chuckles as you reach for the small remote. 

"You didn't have to stop it, you know. I love me some Etta," you said, and his smile widened ever so slightly as you pressed play, the smooth voice fluttering through the speakers once more, softer this time as you adjusted the volume. You lifted the wine glass to your lips, taking a tentative first sip. The second the bittersweet liquid hit your tongue, you closed your eyes and sighed into the familiarity. It flashed you back to Tokyo; the seemingly endless nights on the balcony with Tendou and Semi, your drunken laughter rivaling the music in volume as Semi sang along with fervor - but, really, does anyone sound good when they're nearly a bottle deep?

Reality slammed into you like a meteor, and you were instantly struck back into the present moment, meeting Osamu's eyes as he watched you curiously. You felt the warmth crawl up your neck from the embarrassment, and you cleared your throat in the hopes that you could divert his attention to literally anything else.

"So,  are you gonna teach me how to properly make some Onigiri tonight?" His eyes fell on the apron you brought, the one he gifted to you, and his eyebrows shot up in surprise as his lips settled into a playful smirk.

"Who said anythin' about 'teach'? I said I'd show ya how I make it; I didn' say nothin' about teachin' ya."

"And miss out on learning how to make Onigiri Miya's signature dish? No way." Osamu scoffed as you grabbed your apron and began tying it around your waist. His arms folded in front of him, his lips a thin line. You couldn't tell if he was thinking or already disapproving.

"This was meant to be an apology, you know," he started, but you cut him off.

"I know! And what better apology than by helping me perfect my shaping?" The resigned sigh that followed meant a victory for you, the grin proof enough for both of you that you had won. "So, what are we making today?"

"I figured I'd keep it simple tonight. Ya like fatty tuna?" Of course you do.  Who doesn’t? "Great, let's get started then."

To be honest, you weren't expecting Osamu to be as patient with you as he was. Even though you were decently acquainted with the 'art form' that was Onigiri (as so eloquently and dramatically described by Osamu), you decided to entertain him and pretend to struggle with every step - over shredding the tuna, spilling the spices, adding too much mayo - in the minor hope that you could catch him stressed and maybe a bit frustrated - but to your somewhat disappointment, mostly pleasant surprise, every effort to get at least a furrowed brow or a groan was met with a warm smile, sometimes a breathy chuckle, and a strong pair of arms gently guiding you through the correct steps.

It was as equally frustrating as it was endearing.

"Now ya wanna dip yer hands into the dish of water I left on the side for ya, yeah, great, that's it - now grab a pinch of salt - not too much, just a pinch, and ya wanna rub it into yer hands to prep for the rice."

"What if I have a cut somewhere?"

"Do ya have a cut?"

"Well, not that I know of, but what if there's a cut I don't know about?"

"Well then I guess we'll find out soon, won' we?"

You huffed, but nonetheless pinched the tiny mountain of salt and collected a modest amount before tentatively rubbing it into your hands. Your shoulders were stiff the entire time, prepared for the sudden sting on the off chance the salt decided to acquaint itself with an unknown wound on your hand. You heard Osamu stifle a laugh, and your eyes met his as he smirked at your cautious form.

"Stop staring at me, focus on your own stupid rice ball." He laughed - loudly, beautifully - and you felt your hands tremble the slightest bit as you tried to put all of your focus on making a stupid, dumb triangle out of some stupid, dumb rice.

"Need some help?" You merely grumbled in response as the little bundle of rice and filling crumbled in your hands, despite your feeble attempts at shaping it. He set his own, perfectly shaped, onigiri aside and scooched over to you, his arms reaching around your form, chest pressed lightly against your back. "Yer pressing in too softly, so the rice isn't holding. Cup yer hands like this-" he cupped your hands within his own "-just like that. Now press a little firmer, like this." You were trying your best to pay attention to what he was showing you, you really were - but you couldn't help but marvel at how soft his hands were. You expected them to be rough; calloused from years of cooking, volleyball, and the handyman side hobby, but clearly that wasn’t the case. What kind of lotion did he use to make them feel so smooth? Probably some fancy homemade Aloe Vera lotion Kita made for him, you thought with a scoff.

This new revelation had also made you hyper aware that your hands were not, in fact, soft - countless burns, cuts, and other various acts of carelessness in the kitchen have given your hands a battle worn texture that no amount of hoity toity, all natural Aloe Vera would be able to soften up. He must have been cringing inside just having to touch the absolute burlap that is your haggard looking, stupid hands, oh god-

"Nice job, yer doin' great." The gentleness in his voice plucked you from your inner turmoil, effectively grounding you back to the task at hand. What was once a crumbling mess of rice and tuna now stood a beautifully crafted onigiri, the plump triangle nestled snuggly in between your hands. A gasp left you as you beamed at the finished product, and you whipped your head toward him, twisting slightly within his grip so you could face him properly.

It was then that you realized just how close he was to you.

Whatever words you had planned to say to him died in your throat as your brain tried to comprehend why the hell his face was so close to yours. Osamu seemed to be in a similar state of shock, eyes wide and mouth emulating a fish, opening and shutting when the words weren't coming to him. From the way your own mouth gaped, you imagined you shared a similar expression.

Simultaneously, almost comically, you separated yourselves and severed eye contact, Osamu finding something above you particularly interesting. What exactly, you weren't sure - you were too busy eyeing every minute detail of the remarkably plain tile flooring.

Like an awkward embrace from an old friend you never truly vibed with, the uncomfortable silence settled between you two once again.

It would have almost felt nostalgic, if you didn't hate it with a seething passion.

'And my arms need someone, someone to enfold'

The playful jazz number cut through the silence, and you mentally cursed Etta for clearly not reading the room - your arms were certainly not looking to enfold anybody at the moment, and you imagined it was likely that Osamu felt the same.

You spun back around toward your work station, a quick roll of your shoulders the only indication that you were gonna keep working, because you sure as shit didn't trust whatever would have come out of your mouth had you chosen to open it. Lucky for you, he seemed to get the hint and moved back toward his own work station, making quick work of shaping what he had left, while you continued to struggle, albeit far less than before.

Not a word had been uttered in the moments that followed, the music filling the awkward rift that split between you.

To be honest, you felt guilty that nearly every interaction between you two inevitably dissolved into a dense, unbearable tension; the once lighthearted mood suddenly cracked open like a fault line, the quiet settling between you like dust, and it always felt so thick that trying to bring the moment back its old, enlightened state seemed to take such an immense amount of effort - effort that neither one of you appeared to want to put forth.

You wondered if Osamu shared a similar sentiment.

While you finished up the last of your onigiri, you allowed your attention to flicker to Osamu as he eyed the leftover tuna filling with seemingly great interest, brows furrowed and lips pressed into a thin line. You watched as he scooped the mess onto his finger, putting obvious effort into keeping it balanced as he brought the teetering pile to his lips. Right as he went to close his lips around his finger, the tiny mountain fell, smearing onto his chin and landing on the counter with the saddest little ‘splat’ you'd ever heard. The disappointment he exuded at his misfortune is what ultimately broke you, and you laughed - a bright, gleeful sound that dispelled the suffocating air in an instant, and made you feel like you could finally breathe again (which was ironic, considering how out of breath you were from the incessant giggles that sprung free with absolutely no regard for your lung capacity).

Your hand flew to your mouth in an (admittedly failed) attempt to stifle yourself, as well as possibly save the last shred of rapidly waning dignity Osamu was probably holding onto for dear life. You folded in on yourself, laughter bouncing off the restaurant floor and - again, probably - stabbing directly into Osamu's crumbling pride.

Just as you opened your mouth to apologize, Osamu's loud, beautiful laugh cut through your own, and at the sight of his uncharacteristically bright smile, accompanied with the little smear of mayo on his chin, you realized that, maybe, probably, he was actually doing just fine; and that this - laughing with him - was something you'd never been given the chance to do before, and you'd be lying if you said it wasn't something you wished you could do more often.

You hoped that, maybe, Osamu wanted that, too.

"So, I take it they didn't teach you how to make onigiri at your fancy schmancy culinary school?" He smiled as you bit back a groan. It was embarrassing, how ugly your onigiri looked next to his. Sure, you were joking about your incompetence in the beginning in the hopes to rile him up a little; but when it came to actually forming the balls, well - there's a reason the spite onigiri you made were small and round.

"You win this time, rice man." He boldly plucked one of your creations and plopped it onto his plate, while you opted for one of his. You knew yours were gonna have too much mayo and way too much seasoning, and you weren't about to subject yourself to that.

You took a bite out of the rice ball and audibly moaned - how is something so simple so delicious? He chuckled, lazy smile draped across his features as he watched you eat. The little sparkle in his eyes didn't go unnoticed by you, and you felt a tiny tug on your heart at how excited he was that you were enjoying his food, even if he wasn't being outwardly showy about it like you tended to be.

"'This time'? Does that mean we're doing this again?" You reached for another one of his as you hummed to yourself.

"Hmm, maybe. Maybe I'll force you to bake me some macarons." You were kidding, of course - you wouldn't wish that upon even your worst enemies - but the way his eyes brightened and he agreed with a small but noticeable lilt to his voice had you wondering if maybe making macarons wouldn't be all that bad if you made them with him.

He bit into your onigiri, taking a far more generous bite than you would have, and you snickered at the obvious attempt to conceal the grimace he had involuntarily made upon swallowing. The way he tiptoed around his critique of your failure was incredibly endearing ("It's not bad, just...mayo-y." "You don't have to eat it, you know." "No no, you worked hard, I'm gonna eat it."), and you felt the first little crack form in the walls you had begun to keep up around him ever since the curry incident.

The longer you enjoyed the food, wine, and - surprisingly - company, the harder it became to ignore the guilt that had settled onto your heart earlier in the evening. What started off as a mere twinge had become a sizeable weight in your chest, growing each moment you spent with him that didn't make you want to launch him off the summit of Mount Fuji.

"I'm sorry," you said, quiet and out of the blue. He shot you a confused smile.

"Pretty sure that's my job right now," he pointed out, and you offered a meek chuckle in response.

"I shouldn't have sold the dessert onigiri. Seeing just how passionate you are makes me realize the gravity of what I did. My ego was a little bruised and instead of being an adult about it, I openly insulted you and Kita by making a mockery of your business. I took it too far, and I'm really sorry about that. I'm sure it goes without saying, but I'm gonna stop making them so you don't have to worry anymore." He was quiet, staring at you in a way he hadn't before, and it made you feel far too exposed, playing with the rice crumbled on your plate as you waited for a reaction.

"I'm sorry, too. I only said those things because the idea of you expanding yer menu terrified me. Yer an amazin' chef, and I honestly think ya could run me out of business one day." His voice was soft, too; and you felt the crack grow considerably wider, your vulnerability peeking through pinched brows and hands that you couldn't seem to keep still. "I've always wanted to open up a location in Tokyo, and expand the menu. Onigiri made sense because it's always been a source of comfort, but as much as I love makin' em, there're others things I wanna make, too."

The air between you was...light. The weight that usually settled itself into your shoulder blades seemed to have dissipated, and you couldn't tell if it was the wine, the time, or Osamu. Maybe it was all three.

"I...I like it better when we don't hate each other," you said.

"I never hated you," he said.

"I never hated you either," you admitted.

"Does that mean we can stop pretending we do?" He looked you, and you saw hope.

You smiled.

"Yeah," you said. "We can."

Prev | Masterlist | Next

Fun facts -

Osamu listening to old 60′s love songs just did something to me ok, especially my girl Etta

Kita is 100% responsible for the plants 

Osamu’s mom kept the tape, even after it finally broke beyond repair. It reminds her of Osamu’s father, who she met that summer in Cali

he was another exchange student from Japan. They had a summer fling and inevitably said their goodbyes when the summer was over and he had to fly back home.

They ended up bumping into each other a year after she moved back - and fate has been a big theme for the Miya’s ever since. 

Osamu has always felt a little funny about it - it feels too convenient, and he doesn’t like the idea of not being in control of his own path.

He thought your ugly rice balls were disgusting, obviously, and he was sure to eat his own after the first one lmao

A/n - when you haven’t updated in so long you have to look at past chapters to remember how you formatted 😭. BUT ITS FINALLY DONEEEE, this chapter KICKED my ass oh my god but it feels so good to be finished and we’re finally moving into new territory~ I’m very excited for the next few chapters!! I hope you guys enjoy this latest chapter, please don’t be afraid to shoot me messages if you have questions!! I have a LOT of behind the scenes content that doesn’t make it into the fic sometimes and I’m always eager to share 🤩✨💛

Taglist (bolded cannot be tagged!)-

@larkspyrr @oikawaandkuroostan @fucktheworlddude​ @doctorspencereid​ @keiarma​ @cherriechurros​ @halesandy​ @k3nma-fairy​ @jewlmin​ @tabipleats​ @kaleidoscopekai​ @confusedturtle​ @vintagexparker​ @hoeevern @syaziahvg​ @hallothankmas​ @lilith412426​ @aurorahoneybuns​ @oikawakuns​ @reina-de-tay​ @prettyinblack231​ @snowyseungs​ @darlingkuroo​ @chloji​ @1sillylittlething​ 

[welllpthisishappening]

On This Night and in This Light (1/3)

Emma Swan knows she's pretty good at what she does.

Helping the magically afflicted and affected find jobs in this realm isn't the most glamorous thing in the world, and, sure, there's a lot of paperwork, but she figures she's helping people and that's the important thing. It's structured. Calm, even.

Until. It's always until.

Killian Jones shows up with his stupid smirk and his tendency to lean against the door frame in Emma's office and his distinct lack of magic. Or knowledge of what they're really doing at Mills Personnel. Everything kind of goes off the rails after that.

----

Rating: Teen, but I’m me, so kissing is guaranteed Word Count: About 6.5K this chapter AN: About a week ago @shireness-says​​ sent me this post, about a job agency that specifically helped people with supernatural abilities or supernatural problems find a job. I believe my exact response was “Don’t do this to me” and then Devon probably laughed or something and over the course of the last three days I wrote about 19-thousand words. Nonsense is guaranteed, as is the kissing, hopefully some banter and a bunch of magic. The next two chapters probably Tuesday and Thursday of next week? 

|| Also on Ao3 if that’s how you roll ||

----

“So, that’s basically it. The guy was cursed, super greedy and—” “—Babe c’mon, that’s my dad.”

The guy shrugs. 

Which Emma figures is pretty fair, all things considered. Although she also can’t remember his name, so maybe she’s a quasi-villain in this story. She’s fairly certain it’s in the paperwork. The guy’s name, not her potential villain status. 

In her defense, that one lightbulb above her head is very distracting. Flickering on and off, she’s going to have to tell Graham about it, which will probably somehow alert Regina and Emma isn’t sure she’s capable of dealing with Regina right now. It’s been a very long morning. 

At— she glances at the tiny string of numbers in the bottom corner of her computer monitor, nine twenty-six in the morning. 

“Jeez,” Emma mumbles, drawing the attention of both of the people sitting in front of her. Not very often that a pair comes in. She supposes that’s nice. 

In an overwhelmingly, romantic kind of way. 

God, maybe she’s bitter. 

She’s totally bitter. Thinking anything else is ridiculous. 

And if Emma doesn’t get some coffee soon, she’s going to fall asleep at her desk and inevitably offend this nameless, albeit nice-looking guy who until recently was spending his days as a solid-gold statue in front of an antiques store on Broome Street. 

“Not—not you guys,” Emma says quickly, and the girlfriend’s eyes widen. Her name is Abigail. Emma’s, like, forty-six percent positive. 

“You know he didn’t mean it,” maybe-Abigail says. “It was...well, Freddie was very heroic about it. Protecting my dad and—he was head of security at the building. Kids thought it’d be funny to try and break in, but Freddie was—” “—Courageous?” “Very. The kids wanted my dad’s gift, but Freddie wouldn’t let them near him. Of course that made sure he was close to my dad and he...well, he got touched by accident and....”

Humming noncommittally, Emma lets the rest of the details float into the back of her mind. She doesn’t particularly want to hear this story. Most of them are the same, anyway. Heroic deeds beget undeserved rewards, and there’s always some sort of deus ex machina fix that’s inevitably magical, and she figures that’s part of the deal at this place, but that bitterness of hers runs far deeper than she’s willing to admit. “And you didn’t want to go back to work at the cursed dad’s office?” Freddie shakes his head. “Not really all that interested in security anymore. Ya get frozen for three years and it kinda loses its shine, y’know?” “Makes sense,” Emma replies, and she hates to admit it takes her that long to realize what he just said. Maybe she should have read the paperwork closer. She didn’t have time. “Wait, wait did you say three years?” “And, uh, like fourteen days. That’s right, right babe?” Abigail smiles. That must be the answer. “We’re just looking for a fresh start. My dad is—well, maybe greedy is the right word. He doesn’t view this as a curse, it's...I called it a gift before, didn't I?” Emma nods, trying desperately to ignore the state of that light bulb. “Nothing we do is going to change his mind. He’s going to keep it, and he tries to be careful, but—one wrong move and there’s a golden something right in front of you. We don’t want to risk it again. That’s why we came here. It’s supposed to be the best placement service in the city.”

Biting back the immediate retort of it’s the only placement service like this in the city, Emma plasters what she can only hope is an encouraging smile on her face. The lightbulb stops flickering. 

It dies. Completely. 

She hopes that’s not a sign. 

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” she stammers, before turning back to her keyboard and a monitor with time that must be going backwards. “So, three years removed from any interaction with society and that’s—” Her smile is making her cheek muscles ache. “What kind of skills do you have, Mr. Greyston? Any specific interests or ideas about what you want to do?”

Freddie does not have any ideas. Or interests. Or concerns besides Abigail, it seems. Who is not just his girlfriend, but his fiancée, and a rather vocal wealth of both ideas and interests, none of which fit any of the potential jobs Emma spends the next forty-seven minutes finding. 

Something is wrong with each and every one. Wrong location. Too far a commute. Weird hours. Requires a uniform and—“Have you seen the width of Freddie’s shoulders? There’s no way he’d be able to wear a mass-produced jacket like that.”

Emma hasn’t been paying much attention to the width of Freddie’s shoulders, honestly. 

She’s far more preoccupied with the pain blooming behind her left eye and, somehow, at the base of her skull and she’s a few seconds away from turning both Freddie and Abigail into frogs when she hears footsteps approaching her half-open office door and he actually has the gall to cross his feet at the ankle when he leans against the frame. 

“What about personal training?”

Both Abigail and Freddie freeze. One of them tilts their head. Presumably in thought. Emma can’t be bothered figuring out which one. 

Not with her fingers hovering over her keys, the pop of her lips as they fall open sounding far louder than it should and the stranger leaning against her door frame smiles at her. 

Smirks, really. One side of mouth tugs up, and the sleeves of his shirt are rolled halfway up his forearms. It’s offensive, that’s what it is. 

As is the overall shade of blue in his eyes. 

“Can I help you?” Emma asks. Demands, honestly. One word comes out sharper than the last, drawing a soft chuckle from the questionably good-looking stranger and that’s—

No. No compliments. Just insults. Of the sharp-tongued variety. 

Most curses require a sharp tongue, in Emma’s experience. And she suddenly finds herself fantasizing about the several different ways she could curse this self-assured bastard to the other side of the office. 

“I think, love,” he says, leaning forward like that’s allowed, “I might be able to help you. Couldn’t help but overhear—” “—Because you were eavesdropping?” “Inevitable when your voice carries the way it does.”

Her mouth is already hanging open, so Emma can only imagine what she looks like when it feels as if her eyes are also intent on falling out of her face. Not great, if the increased smirk'ness of the smirk is any indication. 

Smirk'ness is not a word. 

“Personal training could be kind of cool,” Freddie muses with interest. Abigail beams. Emma comes up with twenty-nine different curse possibilities. “Don’t you need something for that, though? Like a certificate or something?” Blue-eyed bastard, fuckface chuckles again. “You do, in fact. ‘Fraid you can’t simply approach strangers and start training them. But the requirements aren’t hard to complete and there’s always a fairly high demand for trainers. People want to get in shape, y’know?” Suggesting that there’s no way this guy with his stupid sleeves could know the exact tone Freddie had used to a voice very similar question not even an hour earlier is as stupid as his sleeves, but Emma cannot rationalize any of this and she should have known he was out there. 

Lurking in the hallway, as it were. 

There’s always some sort of—signal. A smell. A flicker of familiarity that ripples up her spine and latches to the back of her brain and she assumes the migraine that now seems pretty inevitable is not that. It’s just painful. 

Nothing else. She didn’t feel anything. She should have felt something, unless—

“No,” she gasps, and she’s got to get a handle on her audible reactions. “I, uh—I mean, no, no, that’s a great idea, actually. What do you think Mr. Greyston?”

Freddie narrows his eyes. “I...I just said it sounded cool.” “He did,” the wanker with that one piece of wayward hair hanging across his forehead says, “I heard it. Didn’t you hear it?” Nodding emphatically, Abigail is far too quickly swayed by all of this. “I did and that’s—Emma, why didn’t you think of that before?” Anger curls low in Emma’s gut. Rises in the back of her throat and threatens to scorch every inch of her tongue, like that’s something an emotion is capable of. Fisting her hands under her desk, the edges of her nails leave crescent-moon shaped cuts on her palm, but she doesn’t have another outlet for the energy running through her. 

Especially if she’s right. 

She’s seventy-two percent positive she’s right. Which is better than how she felt about Abigail’s name, and she was totally right about that, so. 

Math, or whatever. 

“Didn’t even cross my mind,” Emma admits through clenched teeth. “But thankfully we’re a collaborative effort here at Mills Personnel, and it’s always good to get multiple opinions, including some from our newest—” Swallowing her tongue isn’t the most embarrassing thing Emma can do in a moment like this, but it’s starting to feel somewhere in the top five and if this guy doesn’t stop staring at her like that she’s going to scream. 

Or self combust with magic. 

Her magic appears to be running on overdrive. 

“Killian Jones,” he says, answering a question she hadn’t actually gotten around to asking. “It’s my first day,”

“Is it just?” His answering hum isn’t as sarcastic as Emma’s was. She supposes that’s another failure of hers today. Her brain’s already started making a list. “Did you know they have an espresso machine in the break room?” “I work here,” Emma answers. 

“As I can see. Just—” “—Trying to tell me about espresso?” The other side of his mouth moves. That suggests Emma is staring at his mouth, which she might be, honestly. When she isn’t wholly preoccupied with his eyes or that one strand of hair, and she can’t believe that one strand of hair exists, but she’s also a witch and Freddie was made of gold and she never did ask how they managed to fix that. 

Emma’s starting to wonder if she actually sucks at her job. 

“Make conversation,” Killian says. “And maybe help a little bit. That’s the gig, isn’t it?” None of the muscles in Emma’s neck are particularly interested in nodding, but her hair moves so that must mean she accomplishes at least some sort of movement and the two pairs of eyes sitting in wholly uncomfortable chairs opposite her are watching the scene with open interest. “Alright,” she says brusquely, certain Killian’s eyes get brighter, “Mr. Greyston, let’s start working on a plan for getting your certification and then we can set up some contacts with area gyms.”

She’s not sure when Killian leaves, exactly. 

Only that he doesn’t try closing the door behind him and when Emma walks into the breakroom thirty-one minutes later, there’s a post-it with ridiculously swirly handwriting clinging to the espresso machine. Try this one, it says. 

And that doesn’t really make sense. It’s an espresso machine, there aren’t a ton of different options. Emma’s almost charmed all the same. 

It wasn’t True Love’s Kiss. 

Frederik Greyston wasn’t released from his gilded prison by the most sweepingly romantic bit of magic in the world. It was water from Nostos, which Emma knows is expensive and hard to come by, but knowing the little she does about Abigail’s father, it makes sense and she’s disappointed all the same. 

Six years working at Mills Personnel and still not a single person has been saved by the power of True Love’s supposed Kiss. 

She’s starting to think it doesn’t even exist. 

Honestly, the whole thing is Mary Margaret’s fault. 

She’s the one who got Emma the job after all, and maybe that’s more a commentary on Emma’s disinterest in joining the traditional workforce or being a functioning member of society, but she’s also quick to argue that society hasn’t really done much for her lately. Not a ton of professional options for someone with a record and the tendency to glow every now and then. 

So, Emma had agreed to the interview. 

On a Thursday at two in the afternoon, at the office tucked into the bottom floor of a building on 62nd Street, with etched letters on the door. 

Mills Personnel, it said. 

And still does, really. Not much has changed since Emma first walked into Regina’s office, least of all the lettering on her door, but she’d like to believe she’s maybe a bit more confident than she was that time and—

“Regina, is this a joke?” Emma asks, not able to sit in one of the chairs. Pacing seems entirely more reasonable, even as the muscles in her calves start to ache. “Because it can’t—none of this makes any sense.” “Why not?” “Repeating myself is redundant.” Making a noise Emma can only assume is an agreement, Regina doesn’t bother looking up from the paperwork in her hands. Another client. Another problem. Something else Killian Jones can probably solve. 

Nearly a week after the incident in Emma’s office, the new guy is apparently some kind of job placement wunderkind, able to match any person with their dream position while also boasting a wealth of contacts across the city. Yelp reviews have appeared in droves — sent to Emma nearly every morning because apparently Ruby has some sort of sick sense of humor, and only a few of them mention Killian’s rolled-up sleeves. 

That’s insane. 

Emma can’t imagine not mentioning his rolled-up sleeves.

Maybe she’s part of the problem, actually. Just like—with society, as a whole. 

“You want to repeat yourself, don’t you?” Regina asks knowingly, drawing a strangled sound out of Emma that nearly makes her trip mid-pace. One should not affect the other. And yet. Everything seems to be falling apart in rather quick succession, the kind of worry that’s already taken root in the center of her and wrapped its way around every single one of her ribs, and she’s got no idea how many ribs she’s currently in possession, but she figures it’s got to be a lot. 

Based almost entirely on the constant tightness in her chest. 

“How are you not freaking out about this?” Regina shrugs. “Nothing’s going to happen. People love him.” “People think he’s got a good-looking face.” “You think that and—” Sputtering on her own inevitably witty retort, if only she could get it out, Emma can’t do much more than dramatically exhale as soon as Regina does lift her eyes. Leveling her with that same look she’d used during Emma’s initial interview, like she’s got all the answers in the world and will be willing to share them. 

Eventually. At her leisure. 

“He doesn't have magic,” Emma hisses, feeling as if she’s lost her last tether to reality. No one else is worried about this. Ruby has at least eighty-four opinions on Killian’s face. David’s not totally swayed, but thinks the guy’s at least doing a good job so far. Mary Margaret wants to invite him to game night next week. 

To play goddamn Settlers of Catan. Like they’re normal people. And not witches, or some other unnecessarily gendered description of magic-users. 

“He—he,” Emma continues, and now her hands have joined the fray. Waving them around her head only makes her feel more insane. “How can you think that he’ll be able to place people in jobs when he doesn’t know why they really need jobs?” Her voice cracking on the question can’t help her cause much. 

But Emma needs this to stay the same. She needs consistency and maybe not comfort, but comfort-adjacent and the fucking Settlers of Catan. At some point, she’s going to win that dumb game, she’s positive. 

And Killian Jones poses a very real threat to all of those alliterative sentiments. 

Because Mills Personnel is not a normal job placement organization. Emma’s not even sure it’s an organization, technically. Maybe an LLC.

She’s not a lawyer.  

The point is, it caters to—a slightly different sort of clientele. The kind that’s been affected by magic. Whether that’s because they’re in possession of it, or have been cursed by it, or are only spending some time in this realm while hiding from a revenge-prone dragon in their homeland, who also happened to be their mother, and need a job while they wait it out. 

That last one has always been Emma’s personal favorite. Lily spent three years working for an appraiser on Park Avenue. 

She was really good at it. 

And Emma is good at this. At helping. At providing people with their own plan, and their own possibilities and she has got to get off this alliterative kick because—

“Hey,” Regina mutters, nodding towards Emma’s hands. Both of which are dangerously close to phosphorescent “Reign it in for me, huh?” “Seriously, how can you be so calm about this?”

“He needed a job.” “What? How did you even find him?” Squeezing one eye shut, Regina clicks her tongue thoughtfully and it’s almost enough to make her seem like a normal person. Instead of a person who can regularly summon fireballs from her palms. “Friend of Robin’s. I think you met him last solstice party, but—that’s not the important part. Anyway, we worked with Scarlet once. Or David did, helped him get a job in Brooklyn after he’d been stoned in Wonderland.” “I’m sorry, stoned in Wonderland?” “Mmhm, literally. Anyway, his girlfriend’s known Killian for years and he just moved to New York and one thing led to another and here we are.” “Here we are,” Emma echoes. “The repeating thing isn’t just redundant, it’s obnoxious,” Regina sighs, finally moving the papers. It’s not a victory for Emma. Not when it only ensures Regina can also lean back in her chair, cross her arms over her chest and tilt her head at that very specific angle that practically radiates judgment. “He just needs some money for a couple of months. He’ll be out of here before anyone will have a chance to enlighten him on what he’s actually doing.” “Giving jobs to magical people.” “Not all of them are magical,” Regina argues, “some of them have just been impacted by magical forces.” “Yuh huh. And how exactly are we hiding all of these magical forces from Killian Jones, totally mortal human being?” The head tilt’s at nearly forty-five degrees now. “You are mortal, you know that right? It’s important that you know that.”

“I know that,” Emma snaps, flickers of light falling from her fingertips for good measure. “I just—when you hired me, you made it very clear that the line between magic and the rest of the world was tenuous at best. We just...we exist and hope no one burns us at the stake, but now you’re totally cool with some inherently normal guy being here. Everything we do is going to freak him out.” “It hasn’t already. And so long as you stop sparking at regular intervals, I think you’ll be fine.” “I’m not worried about me.”

Widening her eyes, Regina's judgment reaches across the questionably originate mahogany desk, hangs in the air for all of fourteen seconds and then smacks Emma squarely across the face. In a magical sort of way that makes her skin tingle. 

“Not cool,” she mumbles, but Regina doesn’t do much more than sneer. “Alright, fine, fine, you think this is a totally great idea—” “—I didn’t say it was great. I said it wasn’t going to be as bad as you thought it was going to be, and we’re doing some old customers a favor.” “Sounds suspiciously like nepotism.” “Or good business.”

Emma rolls her eyes. She’s getting another migraine. “Tell all your friends about Mills Personnel, the only option for the magical and magic-damaged to ensure they can keep paying their rent.” “Not as catchy as I’d like, but I accept that it’s a work in progress.”

“Yeah, yeah, something like that.” Having never sat down, it’s easy for Emma to make a quick and relatively drama-free exit from Regina’s office, swinging open the door and marching into the hallway and—

“Ah, fuck,” she grunts, slamming into something far too solid to be anything except another human being. Who smells suspiciously like laundry detergent and salt water. 

“Swan.”

She blinks. Once. Twice. Tries to remember that she is in fact mortal, and that requires a consistent stream of oxygen in her lungs. But breathing is something of a challenge now, and he’s smirking at her when she finally lifts her head. “What are you doing?” “Walking,” Killian answers easily, but there’s a hint of laughter clinging to the word that manages to frustrate Emma and do the exact opposite all at once. “Do you have somewhere especially important to go?” “No, no, that’s—why do you say that?” “Seems you’re in something of a rush.” “Or you take up way too much of the hallway.” Full-blown laughter is at least twenty-thousand times better than the clinging variety or whatever sound Emma’s managed to imagine he makes in the last week or so. She hasn’t imagined it that much. She’s a God awful liar, actually. 

“That might be true,” Killian admits, taking a step back, and there’s a pile of papers resting on his hip. A pen barely stays behind his ear, that same wayward strand of hair taking up residence across his forehead and the rolled-up sleeves of this shirt appear to have some sort of floral pattern on them. 

“What are—” Emma swallows. Licks her lips, Tries not to spend too long thinking about the undeniable way Killian’s eyes fall to her lips. “Where are you going?” “Back to my office. Woman in there who claims her only talent is singing, but she’s not too keen on performing. Says she doesn’t want to draw a spotlight. So, trying to come up with some other options for her.” Mind racing, Emma tries to figure out what the woman actually is or who she’s hiding from, but explaining any of that is impossible and she’s admittedly having some trouble forming sentences when Killian keeps doing that thing with his face. Having one. 

“Any suggestions?” he asks, and there’s no sarcasm. No joke. Just blatant interest and possibly some veiled hope, which is not a word Emma’s all that familiar with. 

That’s more Mary Margaret’s schtick, and at least this is passably cyclical. Somehow this has to be Mary Margaret’s fault too. 

“What about working for a promoter or something?” Emma ventures. “You know—backstage sort of stuff. Keep her in the industry, let her work with other talent, but none of that pesky spotlight. Probably plenty of people looking for an assistant or something.”

Stunned surprise could be very insulting, as far as expression-based responses go. Luckily for Killian and his face, it’s a pretty fantastic look. Particularly when it’s directed at Emma. And mixed in with something that feels suspiciously like awe.

She’s not especially concerned with the adjectives. All she knows is it makes her magic roar in her ears, threatening to knock her knees together. 

“Wow,” he mutters, “that’s genius.” “Happens from time to time.” “More often if breakroom information is anything to go by.”

On second thought, embarrassed regret is her new unexpected favorite. Color dots Killian’s cheeks, a red tinge to the tip of his ears and it really says far more about him than Emma’s powers of observation that it’s only now she realizes he’s missing his left hand. 

“I, uh—” Killian stutters, and Emma can’t help the stretch of her smile, “well it’s not that I’m gossiping about you per se, just...making conversation.” “And I’m a hot topic of conversation?” “No, no, you’re just—” His inability to finish sentences is also oddly endearing, the muscles in his throat moving as he swallows back what Emma can only hope would be a slightly twisted compliment. Regarding her and the word hot. “Well, I appreciate the help. Sometimes it feels like it’s impossible to get a straight answer out of these people. None of them know what they want to do.” Cold sweeps over Emma, in the form of crushing realization and a return to a reality with starkly-lit hallways. He doesn’t know. Can’t know. About this place, or what it really does, and Regina’s surprisingly cavalier attitude aside, non-magic users finding themselves in the entirely magical world never ends well. 

Someone always gets hurt. 

“Yeah, no problem,” Emma says as she takes her own step back, and that shouldn’t be as difficult as it is. “If—I mean if you ever get another hard one or…” 

Her face is on fire, she’s sure. Spontaneous combustion would be a small miracle, giving her a legitimate out of this conversation and the latest expression that’s now standing several feet away from her. Self-satisfied, that’s the word. 

Or phrase, as the case may be. 

“If you need some more ideas,” she clarifies, “I’m around. You helped me with that Greyston case, after all.” It’s not a cease fire or metaphorical hatchet buried under Regina’s questionable taste in carpet, but it’s something and if this is going to happen, then Emma reasons she might as well try and keep it all in check. Helping Killian helps everyone, really. 

She’ll repeat that on mental loop for several hours if necessary. 

Right after she stops obsessing over the precise way he leans forward, ducks into her eye line and says, “thanks, Swan.”

It isn’t until she’s managed to plug her phone in, exhaustion creeping up her spine and fluttering behind half-closed eyelids that Emma realizes she never once told Killian her name. 

When she was twelve years old, she lit up. Like, her whole body. Light hung from the ends of her hair and circled her right wrist, wrapped its way up her arms and settled on either one of her shoulders until it was difficult for anyone to spend too long looking at Emma. 

None of it was on purpose. 

Magic’s always been something almost instinctual, at least for Emma, and the yelling from the living room of the latest foster home she’d only recently been shipped to had been grating on her ears long enough that she didn’t know what else to do. She reacted. Power rippled off her in perfect cadence with her frustration, and she hadn’t known all those words when she was twelve, but she’d known exactly how everyone would respond and Emma was not disappointed. 

At least not like that. 

Standing halfway down the steps, she’d glowed. Bright and determined, like being strong enough would protect the rest of the kids in that house, and that was never really Emma’s job, but she always felt like she could do something more, or should do something else and—

They’d sent her back the next day. 

Something about a bad fit and just not right and that second thing could have been the sub-headline of Emma’s entire life. 

Just not right. 

Nothing about her was right. Her magic was often untempered and prone to outbursts, flashes that Emma couldn’t always control and inevitably led to lingering glances and confused stares that rather quickly morphed into fear when they looked too long. 

Sometimes people pretend they’re not totally freaked out. Sometimes they tell her that she’s ok, every lie settling under her skin like it’s something she should believe in, and it’s been awhile since Emma’s allowed something like that to happen, but she imagines there’s a cliché about scars and the way they don’t always disappear and—

That’s not important. 

History is just that and Emma’s not one to make the same mistake twice. Or at least make it more than twice, and she might be intrigued by Killian Jones, with his smirk and his stupid sleeves, but she doesn’t entirely trust him yet. 

She can’t imagine that changing any time soon. 

She nearly runs into whoever is opening the Mills Personnel front door at five-oh-four on a Friday evening. 

It’s a habit Emma would like to break sooner rather than later, this trend of not looking where she’s going — although, if she’s being honest it’s also because she’s distracted, and has been since the game night announcement, and the phone in her pocket hasn't stopped buzzing for the last hour, the most recent texts regarding pre-game night plottings and alliances for Settlers of Catan or whatever else they decide to play. 

She has respond to Mary Margaret soon. 

Presumably after she apologizes to the woman she very nearly plowed over, and it’s almost the end of business, but this woman doesn’t look like she operates on traditional schedules and—

“Sorry, sorry,” Emma says, backing up quickly. Partially because of good manners. And the rest because of the look on the woman’s face. 

Furious. A little threatening. Decidedly magical. 

“I’m looking for Ms. Mills.” “Right, yeah, of course. She’s, uh—” Emma’s phone buzzes again, and she knows it’s another message about games. What she can figure out is why that particular thought leaves her feeling frozen and a little threatened and the woman’s eyes narrow at the first shift of Emma’s magic. “Still in her office, I think. I can let her know you’re here, if…” The woman doesn’t nod. Doesn’t move, really. And all Emma wants is to sprint out of that office and maybe to her couch, but she can’t seem to move any of her limbs and the clack of Regina’s heels is strangely hypnotic. 

“Zelena. What are you doing here?” Rolling her shoulders back, the woman Emma assumes is Zelena only looks passably annoyed at being addressed by her first name. “We have some things to talk about.”

“That so?” “Several, I’d say. You have a few minutes?” It doesn’t sound like an actual request, hackles that are more likely part of Ruby’s genetic makeup than Emma’s rising as Zelena breezes by her. Glancing over her shoulder, she notices a muscle in Regina’s temple jumping.

“You want me to stick around?” Regina shakes her head. “No, I’ll be fine.”

“Ok, but—” “—Go, Emma,” Regina finishes, and there’s no mistaking the command in those words. She nods once, not running into anyone else on her way out and hoping the sense of dread currently twisting itself around one of her kidneys is only those pessimistic tendencies of hers, instead of the warning she’s worried it actually is. 

The problem is, she likes him. 

Like, as a human being. Mortal or otherwise. No other reason. Nothing to do with his hair or his eyes or that dim, but still visible scar on his left cheek. 

She just—

They might be friends. Emma hopes they’re friends. 

Over the next two weeks she comes to realize that Killian is not only very good at his job — the siren who was certain her only talent was singing in dimly lit clubs and inevitably luring grown men to their doom, but wanted to turn over a new leaf, without telling him any of that, of course, sent a gift basket to thank him for all the help — but he’s funny, and more than capable of working the espresso machine so it doesn’t produce its usual bitter swill, and, Emma realizes, one Wednesday afternoon, a little lonely. 

“Trying to find somewhere to live in this city is impossible,” he announces, slumped in one of the breakroom chairs with a stack of files splayed in front of him. “Like a needle in a haystack.” “Try finding somewhere with laundry on site,” Emma grins, “and then talk to me.” “Sounds like a palace, and that’s far too mythical for me to believe a place like that exists.”

Stomach flying into her mouth, Emma bites the side of her tongue so she doesn’t do something stupid like list all the clients of hers who, at one point, lived in a vaguely mythical palace. She can think of at least a dozen off the top of her head. “No palatial experience wherever you are now? Where are you now, actually?” “Scarlet’s couch.” “Ah, so decidedly non-palatial, then.” Killian grins. “Not as such, no. Although if you could not mention that to him, that would be great. Bastard won’t ever say it, but I've vastly overstayed my welcome and I’m pretty positive he and Belle spend their nights plotting ways to kick me to the curb.” “Metaphorical or…” “Absolutely literally,” he says, and that smile is nearly blinding in a way that isn’t quite like Emma’s magic, but feels as powerful. “You didn’t hear it from me, but I’m pretty positive they want to have a family soon.” “You think I gossip about Will Scarlet way more than I do.”

His ears do that thing again. That blushing thing, that apparently only Killian’s ears are capable of, but it’s also entirely possible that Emma is just far more aware of Killian’s ears than anyone else’s. She’s also perfectly aware what a psychopath she sounds like. 

“Did I apologize for that?”

“For?” “Not necessarily gossiping,” Killian says, “because it wasn’t entirely that, but—getting information on you, I guess.”

Tensing, Emma’s jaw clenches hard enough that she’s briefly worried about what it will do to her teeth. And it takes her a few moments to school her features — more than enough time for Killian’s eyebrows to lift, and the ends of his mouth to tilt down, but she’s almost confident she doesn’t look like she’s totally freaking out when she opens her mouth. 

“What did you find out?” Ah, so not freaking out was a total lie, then. 

Killian’s lips twist as he stares at her, like he’s considering the exact tone of her voice and how to properly proceed from there. Leaning forward, his hand inches towards hers and for one genuinely blissful second Emma is certain he’s going to cover her fingers with his. He doesn’t. He pulls away at the last moment, clearing his throat and sitting up straighter and that’s fine. It’s fine, everything is fine and great and—

“You’re very popular here,” he replies, “good track record of even better work, which is why If we’re also keeping track of required apologies, I should mention I’m sorry for butting in on the Greyston case. Was an absolute dick of a move.” “Would you use of in that situation?” “I mean, I just did so—” “—You were kind of a dick,” Emma agrees, “but that was mostly because you were showing off and it totally worked.”

His eyebrows get higher. Pointier. It’s absolutely absurd. “That so?” “Don’t sound so amazed, you know it did. Freddie the former—” She’s about to say statute. The word sits on the tip of Emma’s tongue, waiting to be said because if she was talking to anyone else she’d be able to say it, but she’s not talking to anyone else and doesn’t really want to and she can’t imagine it’s very comfortable sleeping on someone’s couch for the better part of a month. “Former security guard,” Emma exhales, “is reportedly doing really well at the new gig. Ruby said she saw a bunch of social media posts advertising his recently-certified personal trainer services.” “An ambitious start for Freddie.” “Eh, you know how it is when you get psyched about something. Full-speed ahead and all that.”

“I believe that is the appropriate cliché, yes. So what do you think?”

“About?”

“Accepting my apology for being something of a dick, and because Ruby is the absolute worst gossip in this office who told me in no uncertain terms that she thought our prospective children would be very attractive.”

Emma’s not drinking anything, so the choking sound she makes at that bit of information is not really correct for the situation, but she can’t stop herself. Laughter bubbles out of her, mixing with something that isn’t quite stunned surprise, but might be a hint of put-upon frustration and the overall width of Killian’s smile is in the realm of overwhelming. 

“How did you end up here?” Emma asks, and she’ll blame the state of her teeth on her inability to censor her own questions. 

His smile falters. For just a moment, before it’s back and a little less legitimate than it was a moment earlier. “Worked with Belle at the Central Library in Boston. For years, actually. And you know how it is when you meet someone who...well, they’ll go to bat for you?” “Another good cliché. And yeah, I do.” “It was like that for us. She’s—it’s pedantic to suggest she’s my best friend, but that’s what it is and what it’s been and we’ve always helped each other. So, couple months ago when they cut staff, she told me to come to New York.” “She was already in New York?”

Killian nods. “Has been for a while, ever since she met Will.” “And how did she meet Will?”

If he’s put-off by her twenty question approach, Killian doesn’t show it. He just keeps leaning into her space, like there are magnets involved or several other words and feelings Emma’s wholly incapable of dealing with right now. “Strictly happenstance as far as I know. She was in New York for a library conference—” “—They have those?” “Mmhm, whole bunch of nerds losing their minds over recently stocked books and stories that fascist governments said we should burn.” “Do those normally go together?” “More often than you’d think,” Killian laughs. “Anyway, Will was working at the bar he owns now and—” “—He owns it?”

“If you keep interrupting, I’m never going to get to the interesting part of the story, love.”

Goosebumps explode on her skin. Her heart threatens to explode out of her chest. Magic rushes from the top of her hairs to the toes of sneakers that are now emitting a faint gleam, and maybe Emma should trim her nails. 

So as not to keep cutting up her palm. 

“Took him some time to save up the money to buy the bar,” Killian continues, “but if you know Scarlet, you’ll know he’s something of a stubborn asshole. Which also circles us right back around to the romance of the story. Suffice it to say, there were conversations, requests for phone numbers, a refusal to let time or distance damper their connection and—” He clicks his tongue. “—Two years ago, I gave a very impassioned speech regarding the power of love at a wedding that made several people cry.“

“You included?”

He winks at her. Not very well, but it’s the thought that counts or something and Emma’s starting to have several thoughts about Killian.

None of which are going to make it any easier to keep her magic a secret. 

And part of her isn’t even sure she wants to. The other part of her wants to stretch across this wobbly table, some of which is deceptively sticky, grab the front of Killian’s floral-printed shirt and kiss him until neither one of them think about anything except how fantastic they are at kissing. One another, specifically. 

So, really, she’s absolutely and monumentally fucked.

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @haex1991

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a seesaw shape. your life focuses on different ideals and interests, often constrasting between each other. from one side, this gives you the ability to be adaptable and find solutions easily. on the other hand, you may struggle with balance; for example, you might find yourself dedicating your life to your relationships, neglecting your ego or viceversa. you need to learn how to harmonize these energies.

your dominant planets are mercury, the sun and saturn. you are a very extroverted and talkative person, you probably make friends easily and you come off as very approachable. you are particularly intelligent, and combined with your hard-working nature you're able to achieve anything.

your dominant sign is gemini. you are a very intelligent individual, you are thirsty for knowledge and you also have great communication skills. you have a witty sense of humor, you're able to make everyone feel at ease with your sympathy. people may say you're two-faced, but in reality you just act in the most appropriate way based on the situation you're in. you despise boredom, you're very experimental in your life, but others may mistake this trait for flakiness.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking for knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in virgo, 5° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

you have a practical approach to the world. you’re kind of logical, it’s hard for you to improvize. you always want to keep everything neat and organized, at least in your mind. you could have a natural coldness to your face. you may seem a bit older than you are, or at least very mature and responsible, even though you may be more outgoing than you look due to your many gemini placements. with your attentive eyes, you pay attention to every single detail you see. you’re a perfectionist, and you always want and try to be at your best state. I would say you’re quite competitive when it comes to your goals, but you don’t really do it to be above others. you do it because your obsession for details kind of stresses you out. improving and proving yourself is a way to boost your self-esteem, you feel fulfilled when you can achieve your goals. you are extremely intelligent and logical, you’re always up for a deep talk or simply for an occasion to gain more knowledge. you like being smart, you always want to know about everything. even the latest, trendy meme counts for you. your nature is very cautious; you’re rarely impulsive, you always think deeply about your decisions, as you don’t want to commit any mistakes. because of that, you can be particularly picky. not only with material things such as movies, books, food etc. but even with people. it’s hard for you to open up to someone you don’t know at all. you take things slow, both in friendships and in relationships, just to preserve yourself. you may come off as kind of snobby, but you’re just misunderstood. you don’t like flaky bonds, you need security in your life. physically, as I’ve already mentioned before, you have this kind of strict look on your face. your eyes may be almond-shaped, and you could have a natural feline gaze. overall, you have something smaller about your features; you could have thin lips, a small nose, small eyes… you could have a smaller frame with thin bones. you may be of average height, and I’ve noticed that most virgos tend to have pretty long legs? no matter if they’re tall or not, their legs will still be longer than their bust.

🌞 sun in gemini, 20° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and uranus

with your sign in the mutable sign of gemini, you are a very light-hearted, chill individual. you're very bright and bubbly, you have amazing communication skills and also an entertaining sense of humor that is able to light up the room. you're very sociable, you like interacting with others, even though I assume that with your earth ascendant in your chart, you find it harder to let this side of you out, especially with people you don't feel comfortable with. since gemini is a mutable sign, you most likely have tons of interests and hobbies, they're so many that you find it hard to keep up with all of them, despite being extremely good at multi-tasking. in fact, you're particularly intelligent and thirsty for knowledge. you like learning about everything, you love looking and being smart. it's your way to feel empowered and proud of yourself. you always need freshness in your daily life, you cannot stand boredom. because of that, you may often change your ideas, your hobbies, your favourite singer, etc. sometimes, you could even apply this to friends and lovers, and people may consider you unloyal or not much serious because of that. in addition, you get easily very anxious and stressed, to the point that you may seem dramatic to others. you may also get scared easily, even though you try to look collected thanks to your virgo rising.

gemini sun conjunct gemini moon: you were born on a new moon, hence the sun and the moon were in the same sign at the moment of your birth. in astrology, new moons represent fresh starts; you're the type to start lots of projects, always feeling like you need to transform yourself or your routine. you're very self-aware of your identity, as you're constantly in contact with your feelings. you may even appear as too emotional, as the sun brings all your emotions out to see. some people have their sun and moon in signs that clash together, making them confused and indecisive; this is not your case, as you act to get what you want and need. you're interested in knowing more about your roots, your childhood, and also about having a family in general. when you were young, you probably were even more energetic than now. you could be the type to look nostalgically at your old pictures, and you care about your mother a lot. you're also very interested in your own culture; you're not afraid to show the world your interests, reactions and opinions. the problem with this conjunction, especially with the fact that it is in the sign gemini, is that the individual may become so self-sufficient at the point that doesn't let anyone interfer in their life. it's obviously a good thing to do when someone tries to hurt you, but there's the risk it may happen even with people that are trying to help you if not well-developed. another problem that comes with this mostly lovely aspect is that showing your emotions freely makes you wear your heart on your sleeve. people may take advantage of that, and try to hurt you about things that you care about deeply, as they're not hidden. last but not least, your parents' relationships might have had impact on your growth. maybe they're divorced, and one of them had to compensate for the missing parent; perhaps, one of them was highly influenced by the other. or maybe, they just had a very peaceful relationship that makes you have high standards when it comes to love.

gemini sun conjunct gemini mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. also, your heavy leo dominance makes you naturally good at coming up with creative ideas, or even poetry. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect.

🌙 moon in gemini, 19° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and venus

the most charismatic gemini decan. you're very curious about the world, you always want to be informed about the latest news and everything that surrounds you in general. this could make you love gossip and journalism, for example. in fact, you're quite chatty, you love talking to others, and you're likely to have a good sense of humor as well. you live to fill up your mind with knowledge, and you love sharing what you learn with others. in some cases, you may even come off as a bit of a know-it-all. you're really practical and logical; while this is good, as it's obviously a heavy mental work that makes you even smarter, you have the tendency to over-analyze your emotions. for example, if you start feeling happy all of a sudden, you may be so busy trying to understand what makes you so happy that you may forget to feel your happiness. you're also quite moody, and go from being full of energy and sociable to isolating yourself. I also assume that you may hide your feelings, even if you don't do it consciously. e.g, you may make jokes about them. even though you don't realize it, it's a sort of self-sabotaging mechanism, as you're literally exposing your weak points to the world and enhancing your flaws. aside from that, I still think that people perceive you as very likeable, especially when you feel comfortable in the environment you are in. you're naturally flirty and charming, and people take note of that.

🗣 mercury in gemini, 15° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and venus

mercury is in its natural place in gemini, your whole chart flows very well! you have great problem-solving skills, you are extremely intelligent and astute. when you were younger, you probably used to be the winner at games like hide-and-seek. this placement also enhances your thirst for knowledge of any kind, you want to learn at least a little about anything, from science to foreign cultures. yet, since you want to learn so many things all at once, you may lack precision and be a little bit superficial. on the other hand, you're a fast learner, but since mercury is placed in the 10th house, a water house, you may be a bit too logical and practical, lacking intuition. you may often find people predictable, but in reality you're just ahead of them. you're also very open-minded, even though you still rely more on logic, not like your sister sign is sagittarius. yet, it's easy for you to be flexible in your day-to-day life, you don't have to follow a schedule to have everything under control, even though you may often suffer from stress and headaches due to this lack of organization. you may have a very youthful and positive voice, you just give off good vibes, you know?

❤️ venus in leo, 6° / 1st decan ruled by the sun

with leo venus you're very picky, as you have high expectations for your future partner. you always try to be at your best state, and you want those who surround you to be perfect too. it's hard for you to fall for someone, as you take everything in consideration: personality, physical appearance, fashion sense... it may look like it is too much, but once you find the right one that truly satisfies your standards, you're in for a long ride. you'll want to travel, live your life in the best way possible with the person you love. you look at them as if they were the brighest star in the sky, and you want to be seen like this as well. you may even be a bit clingy, but your partner needs to be aware of that. they can't repress your need for affection. you see love as a way to revive your inner child, you feel younger when you're in love. even though you want someone fun and outgoing, you also need someone ambitious, hard-working and generally serious when it comes to committing. there's no room in your life for flaky people.

leo venus conjunct leo mars: you are very serious when it comes to love. you seek intense, long-lasting relationships, filled with both romance and passion. ironically, you tend to attract people that are the opposite, who are only looking for fun and casual romance. that could afflict your self-worth significantly, as you feel unlucky in love. this is also another placement that indicates that one of your parents, probably your father, or still anyone of the opposite sex probably influenced your approach to romance and sex. there are different scenarios I have in mind, but I'll talk about it later in the family life section.

leo venus conjunct leo jupiter: this placement makes you extremely likeable, especially with your this conjunction being in the charismatic sign of leo. you're probably quite popular, or at least you're very appreciated wherever you go. not only you're physically attractive, but you're also very friendly and charismatic, which makes it impossible not to notice you. you despise conflicts and chaotic situations in general, you're very peaceful. perhaps, to have fun you prefer using creative and artistic outlets rather than going out. I also find this an extremely beneficial placement for you, as you have a pisces descendant that makes you attract broken and / or problematic partners. with venus being conjunct to jupiter, this energy may not be as prominent as usual, as you tend to attract more positivity in your life.

leo venus opposite aquarius saturn: you feel unable to love someone. this placement usually brings fear of committing, causing the individual to be flaky. there are two possibilities; I assume you directly avoid to get into relationships. your mind may unconsciously repress any thought about an eventual crush or love interest. it is caused by your insecurity, especially regarding your looks. or perhaps, it’s the other way around: you literally jump into relationships, resulting in you getting hurt from time to time. you could feel pressured to be in a relationship, even though it’s not your priority. saturn in the 7th house may also manifest in a lack of romanticism in an individual, but I don’t think it’s totally your case. I assume that you are quite romantic, but exactly because of your romanticism, you tend to get very picky. you want your partner to meet your ideals of perfection, and hence you may often end up not dating anyone, or being let down by your own lovers. actually, you could even be afraid of love, especially because there could be a lot of karma around your relationships. you could have to experience lots of hardships throughout your love life, but they’ll help you become more mature. it’s also recommended to get married after your saturn return with this placement, hence after your 27/28 years.

☄️ mars in leo, 9° / 1st decan ruled by the sun

praise and success are what motivate you the most. your main goal in life is being praised for achieving your goals, you wouldn't feel motivated without compliments. therefore, you put energy in things that make you feel confident and noticed, as you enjoy being seen. for example, if you feel confident being well-dressed, you could spend hours in the closet to look how you want. you are very creative, you get an energy boost through creative outlets, and hence your hobbies (reading, writing, dancing, singing, drawing, etc.) recharge your battery. this placement also makes you very extra, especially with people you're close to. you may gesticulate a lot, you could as well enjoy mimicking others' voices. you're basically very dramatic, you seem like an actor when you react, but at least you're very fun and entertaining to watch and listen. this placement, it gives you a strong charisma that, and combined with your heavy gemini dominance, it makes it impossible not to notice you. you could overreact from time to time, and you may also be particularly pessimistic, but above all you appear as someone very bold and strong-minded.

leo mars conjunct leo jupiter: you are driven by a strong sense of justice that makes you want to discover the truth. you hate lies of any kind, you want sincerity from those around you and you're the first to be constantly honest. you value your freedom a lot, your life motto is most likely 'live and let live'. you think everyone should live their lives by their own standards, without feeling afraid of being judged or criticized. you're a very pure and genuine person, you hardly ever judge a book by its cover, and you're also extremely open-minded. you're thirsty for knowledge of any kind, you're always up to learn something new. you may also be interested in foreign languages and cultures, as well as philosophy, literature... anything that can teach you something new about the world. you may be quite impulsive, and when you get angry you tend to be very blunt. you may say things that hurt others, as you're brutally honest, even though that wasn't your intention. you may also appear as flaky, since you don't like feeling tied to something or someone. you could often change your favourite colour, food, singer... you despise boredom, and your need for freshness may also manifest in your relationships.

leo mars opposite aquarius saturn: this is another placement that indicates that something or someone is trying to restrict you, they're trying to prevent you from following your dreams and taking your own choices for your life. that someone is most likely an individual that has a lot on impact on you, it's someone very authoritative. or perhaps, it may even be a bully or abuser of any sort. as a result, you either rebel and get extremely angry, or you hide all of your disappointment inside of you. but soon or after, all of your intense feelings are going to eat you alive if you keep going like this, it's a very unhealthy behaviour. you could find it extra hard to achieve your goals, as when you try you always come across some hardships. what matters the most, is that you try to be more positive, you could even try manifesting more patience or serenity. you can't hold onto anger so much, or it will just fill you with negativity that could damage you. let it all go, focus on your goals and try to understand how to be more patient. in fact, you may often feel like you need to do everything as soon as possible, when it's not like that. you can allow yourself to be more calm and live life as it comes, it will make you feel much better with yourself and you'll also get more mature, which is crucial to learn your saturnian lessons and increase your self-confidence, which you should have done by now as you've already had your saturn return.

leo mars square scorpio pluto: with this placement, I assume that when you were younger you were some sort of victim. you could have been bullied, for example, you used to be insecure about the way you looked and were. you could have felt different from others, and they took advantage of that to make you feel even more insecure. or maybe, it was a parent, or every authoritative figure in your life, that restricted you from following your own ideals. because of that, now you constantly feel the need to prove yourself. you probably tend to accumulate a lot of anger all together, which you need to let all out or you could explode. you could find comfort in physical ways to relieve stress, like punching bags, slamming doors, etc. or perhaps, when you're angry you just get overwhelmed by all of your emotions. you may cry, scream, even throw up in certain cases. on the other hand, you are extremely magnetic and attractive to others, you naturally draw people towards you. you're also extremely passionate in whatever you do, you put your whole heart in doing things you love. you're very hard-working and determined to achieve your goals, and I find this beneficial considering that your gemini energy tends to make one superficial. with this aspect, you're probably more dedicated than the common gemini.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in virgo. you appear as someone intelligent, possibly judgmental and critical. in fact, you’re a perfectionist, and most of the time you appreciate it when someone takes care of themselves just as much as you do. you’re also particularly pessimistic, and this could be annoying for those around you. you’re very logical, you probably lack intuition just like you lack water in your chart. you’re very pragmatic, and you may even be judgmental, but this energy is probably mitigated by your gemini dominance, which makes you more open-minded and flexible. the ruler of the 1st house is in the 10th house: you come off as a very private, yet mature person. you may be quite secretive, or at least you only prefer to share your persona with those around you. you probably love your career, you're very independent and responsible and people admire you for that.

your 2nd house is in virgo. you have a practical approach to money; even though you may like spending and shopping, I see you being careful with them, and you may even keep track of them through an agenda or something like that. you feel the need to be perfect, and that can cause you self-esteem issues. with your heavy gemini energy, I assume that this manifests as sudden bursts of insecurity or of confidence, your image of yourself fluctuates a lot. you take pride in your intellect, you are very proud of your ideas, theories and opinions. you could also make money from communication of any kind. you could be a stewardess, as well as a writer, a singer... the ruler of the 2nd house is placed in the 10th house: your future career may include 2nd house matters; you may work in a place related to money, perhaps in a bank. you could become successful as a notary, as an accountant... anything related to finances. you could also work in an artistic field, for instance as a graphic designer, as an interior designer, as a singer... jobs that require creativity.

your 3rd house is in libra. it's most likely common for you to include other people in your thoughs and speech. for example, you may often find yourself talking about your partners, your friends, neighbors, celebrities... you probably also like gossips. this placement, on the other hand, gives you an opinionated, even poetic mind. you could be interested in literature for example, and you most likely were good at school. your mind and words are your energy tank, what satisfy you the most. you may talk a lot about different topics of any kind, from childhood to videogames, but you never get boring. you're always entertaining to listen to. you also have your scorpio pluto in this house: you're extremely blunt and straight-forward, you may actually hurt people with your words, even though you mean no harm. the thing is, you speak the truth, but not everyone can accept it. that's why your behaviour is so controversial. though, since you also have a libra 3rd house, I assume you could manifest this side of you only when you react by impulse, when you're angry. otherwise, you try to be as well-spoken as possible. you speak fluent sarcasm, and that could annoy people who don't understand your sense of humor. you're probably good at lying, and even manipulating people. you may often make others change their mind just with your own words, but be careful not to use this skill to hurt others, or you'll only experience a sense of guilt and overall the bad sides of it. on the other hand, you're an extremely captivating speaker, you'd be successful at anything that involves the use of words and voice. you're truly intuitive, and it's easy for you to understand when someone is being honest or is lying to you. last but not least, you're very secretive as well. you're probably the type to know everything and anything about others, while you remain a mystery. with the ruler of the 3rd house being in the 10th house, you may often talk about your career and about your achievements. you may also live more into the future rather than in the present, hence you could often make plans and talk about what you want to happen.

your 4th house is in scorpio. your relationship with your family is most likely very intense, but not necessarily good. it could be that your parents were quite overprotective of you, you felt judged and restricted from acting the way you wanted. or perhaps, they were emotionally distant, your childhood lacked affection. you probably had to grow up sooner than other kids, and it could be that you first came in touch with plutonian topics (drugs, spirits, sex, death etc.) at a young age. you were more mature from this point of view. in addition, it's also probably that your parents were particularly overprotective, and hence they could have limited you from making experiences. this challenging childhood of yours is most likely the cause of your unstable self-esteem, and perhaps you also have troubles with long-term goals and dreams too.

your 5th house is in the sign of capricorn, with also your saturn, uranus and neptune placed there. capricorn and saturn usually bring a feeling of seriousness to the house it’s in. I don’t think it’s your case, though. in fact, neptune, is also placed in this house. you could be a bit more introverted, probably you’re not the type to frequent clubs, parties, etc. you’re more serious from that point of view. your hobbies could actually drain your energy for you; let’s suppose you’re into videogames. you could literally spend the whole day playing videogames, as you take your hobbies very seriously. you’re not the type to start a project and then leave it, and it could be helpful considering that your gemini sun gets bored very easily, you’re very resolute. also, you most likely have 'mature’ hobbies; you could be into politics, economy, history… you could be into slower types of music, for example, or perhaps you like reading about world issues. with your children you may be quite strict, as you see them as a responsibility. also, you may often be attracted or attract older or more mature partners. you’re most likely a very romantic and artistic person, you may be fond of music, dancing, singing, acting… anything creative that stimulates your senses. yet, you may be a bit picky when it comes to hobbies; you probably only like reading specific types of books, you only listen to a certain music style, and so on. you may also be into spirituality such as psychology, astrology, law of attraction, yoga, mediation, etc.

your 6th house is in aquarius. people with aquarius in their 6th house need to change their routine throughout your life. probably, when you were you younger they taught you things that aren’t healthy for your body and health. you may have to change your diet, your medicines… also, you may sometimes procrastinate in your day-to-day life. I don’t think you do it too often, but it may still happen due to your gemini dominance in your chart, but for example you wouldn’t mind skipping a day of school or work to play videogames. this placement also indicates that you may often come across unpredictable events in your daily life. you may often see strange, unordinary things, or perhaps it’s your routine that is like that. you may lack consistency when it comes to diets and health, for example; you may start a diet and keep it for a month, then you get tired and drop it all of a sudden. you could also develop unexpected diseases. you may pursue a career that looks unexpected for you at first, something that you never thought you'd do. it will most likely be a creative, artistic job. it will be a very pleasant job, it won’t even feel like a duty to you as you’ll choose a job that you like and that you’re passionate about. regarding your health, throughout your life you may often come across sudden health problems, illnesses may come out of nowhere.

your 7th house is in pisces. with this pisces descendant, you attract people that are pretty much very intuitive and soft; they could have pisces placements, or at least they’ll be extremely artistic and emotional. yet, you may as well surround yourself with 'broken’ people. that is, people that aren’t exactly in the best state of their health, whether physically or mentally. neptune, the ruler of this house, is in the 5th house. since in your chart the 5th house represents your job too. you’ll most likely meet your future spouse at your work place. you could pursue the same career, they could be a customer of yours… or perhaps, you could meet them in a fun situation, like a party, a vacation, a night out… any situation where you’re supposed to be chilling and having fun, you may meet your future spouse there. also, in a relationship you probably hate feeling suffocated. while your pisces descendant may make you enjoy skinship, you may sometimes also need your space, you still need your freedom, especially since your dominant sign is gemini.

your 8th house is in pisces. you may have many dreams, you’re very artistic and creative. yet, due to this placement, you struggle to let this side of you out and make it concrete. since you have a strong virgo dominance in your chart, I assume that the reason for this blockage is your rationality. you’re way too logical, and you don’t leave space for your imagination. that’s probably caused by the fact that you’re afriad of being seen as a failure, and hence you don’t really go out of your comfort zone when it comes to your ideas. to reach your state of happiness, you need to turn what you dream about into reality, just like the fact that the ruler of the 8th house is in the 5th house confirms: you have 8th house-related hobbies, such as astrology, horror, occult, sex, psychology… or perhaps, you could work in one of those fields. you may also handle someone else’s money, hence you could work in a bank.

your 9th house is in aries. you have a joyful, child-like approach to adventures. you strive for freedom, you want to be your own boss. you don’t want others to tell you what to do. yet, since mars is making harsh aspects to saturn and pluto perhaps, during your childhood, you were restricted from acting the way you wanted. it’s like your ideas were disrespected, and you weren’t allowed to embrace them, or perhaps you were afraid of the consequences. it may be that when you try to break free from what you consider to be a limitation, you may come across a few struggles that could possibly hurt you. luckily, this is an aspect that will naturally get better time with time as you get more mature. in school you were very competitive, you probably studied to get high grades rather than actually learning, you are very motivated to be #1 in everything you do. you may also experience lots of intense events in your life, you may be the type to try extreme things and experiment a lot.

your 10th house is in taurus, with also your gemini stellium with the sun, the moon and mercury. when it comes to work, you’re quite materialistic. you want to earn a great income from your job, you aspire to be wealthy, and luckily with your virgo ascendant you probably don’t lack ambition. yet, as I’ve already mentioned in the previous sections, you shouldn’t procrastinate nor be lazy, you should break free from your limitations and work hard to visualize and achieve your goals, or it may be hard for you to have a stable career life. you may be drawn to artistic careers, such as designing for example, or even stuff like food. you could be a singer, a rapper, a writer… even a therapist or a counsealor, as well as an actor or comedian. you will probably get to communicate something in your career, you may want to spread a certain message or you may have to interact with other people for your job. you could also be in charge, you may get a very high position in your agency or you could even have your own business, I don't see you having to depend on others ar all. you would do well at a variety of things to be honest! but make sure that you understand who you want to be, as geminis tend to be quite indecisive.

your 11th house is in cancer. this placement indicates that your friends, they’re your comfort-zone. you feel understood when you’re with them, they’re pretty much like a family to you. you can tell them anything, you put all of your trust in them. or at least, if you haven’t met anyone like this yet, you’ll surely meet a friend that is like a soulmate to you. they’ll also be very important for your growth. in addition, it could also be that you’re still friends with someone from your childhood or even high school days, and hence you could literally grow up together. you could also have some step-siblings. venus is also placed in this house; you're not into clichés. sure, you need a loyal partner who's stable both emotionally and financially, but at the same time they must have something unique about them. you're not the type to fall for the first guy you see down the street. in addition to that, you're not into the typical, cheesy romantic stuff. you want your partner to be a friend, not only a boyfriend/husband. you want to feel able to talk and vent to them, just like you'd do with a friend, but also someone that is willing to stay with you through thick and thin. you hardly fall in love at first sight, and you act quite casually around your crushes. in fact, most of the times you come off as so detached that you hardly look like you're interested in someone. you could also end up dating or even marrying someone from your group of friends. the ruler of the 11th house is in the 10th house: you most likely have very big dreams for your career, your biggest goal is being financially stable and working in the field of your dreams.

lastly, your 12th house is in leo. this is kind of a tricky placement, as leo rules the self, the ego, and the 12th house rules fears. you could be afriad of being too confident, of feeling worth it, or even just by being in the spotlight. perhaps, you have stage fright. this fear of embracing your persona makes you very insecure, even though you probably don’t show it. also, since your 12th house is the house of dreams, you could often make dreams that involve yourself. you hardly ever dream of someone else, and if you they’re probably your lovers, possibly your friends. you may also make daydreams or sleeping dreams of creative, utopic scenarios. mars and jupiter also sitting here in a conjunction; with jupiter here you most likely have lots of dreams, that could even predict the future. you may have a lot of nightmares, they may involve violence or even death. mars also makes it a little bit hard for you to take action, you could be so logical and practical that you may lack impulse to you. you may even have sleeping as a hobby, you could sleep a lot to relax. you could also enjoy yoga, meditating and doing charity work.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract cancer, sagittarius, pisces and capricorn placements. your future spouse will most likely have cancer and capricorn traits placements. they’ll be very assertive, mature and confident, but also with a warm heart and a hidden insecurity to them. as I’ve already mentioned before, you may meet them during a fun situation, hence at a party, during a vacation, in a restaurant, at a concert… also, your spouse will most likely be one of your soulmates, and hence once you meet them you’ll probably have this 'I’ve already seen you before’ feeling. they’ll seem very familiar, and you’ll find emotional comfort in them. your children will most likely have strong capricorn, aquarius or pisces traits: they’ll be very hard-working and ambitious, but also very funny and warm. also, they’ll be extremely creative and more mature as time goes by.

���🏻 family life

I won’t say much in this section as I’ve already talked about your childhood in the 4th house section. anyways, your mother was probably the most dominant figure in your family. she was very intense, even scary at times, especially when she got angry. she might’ve also been very possessive or overprotective. she could have scorpio, gemini, virgo, leo, libra or aries placements in her chart, as well as taurus. as for your father, he was more laid-back, but probably very stubborn and also quite protective too. he may have taurus or libra placements in his chart. if you have siblings, your relationship with them may be quite pleasant. probably, you used to get along very well with them, it was pleasant for you to hang out and talk to them. they could have libra, scorpio or taurus placements in their chart.

📊 career

luckily, there are many aspects in your chart that indicate that you’ll be able to earn a big amount of money from your future job. it will most likely allow you to communicate your feelings, and it will also be the key to finally achieve a stable relationship with your self-image and worth. there are strong placements in your chart that point out to acting and writing talent, as well as singing talent. you’re just a very charismatic speaker, so I’d suggest you to take advantage of this natural talent of yours to earn money, luck and self-esteem. you'd do well at writing of any kind, especially creative writing; you may write books, poems, or maybe articles for fashion magazines. careers that allow you to interact with others and talk about feelings are also recommended, hence you may do well as a nurse, as a therapist, etc. you may also work in a company and achieve a very important position in it, especially since venus, the ruler of your 10th house, is conjunct mars, the planet of leadership. you're certainly going to be very independent, people will look up to you.

👕 fashion sense, style analysis

keyword for your wardrobe: black. every leo venus loves black, it's probably my favorite love story. after all, it's such a versatile color! it can be both badass and classy, how can I blame you. you may also have a thing for anything that looks luxury and high quality; you probably enjoy wearing designer brands, especially in your belts and bags. you may also like wearing fitted clothes, even just simple skinny jeans or tight tops. aside from black, you could as well use white and bold colours like gold, hot pink etc. also, you may as well be into pastel colors, and you could like following fashion trends.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life time, you didn’t have a specific priority. you just enjoyed wandering with your mind and creativity, allowing yourself to relax with your friends. you used to depend on someone else, not really on yourself. this lifetime, you need to establish your independence AND solid boundaries, not just those you used to daydream about. don’t be afraid to let your inner child out; go to amusement parks, binge-watch netflix, date your crushes, have an hobby, play videogames… you could also play with actual children. anything that brings fun out of you, and that puts a genuine smile on your face.

🤔 major transits analysis / may 1st

you could be undergoing a period of transition, as your natal saturn is conjunct transit pluto in your 5th house. perhaps, you're starting to explore more hobbies, you're dedicating more time to yourself and hence you're discovering something new about your persona. you may also be cutting off a toxic relationship with a friend or even with a partner, it's a very intense change but that is necessary for your growth. the moon is also conjunct your natal neptune, so I'd suggest you to pay attention to your dreams and to your intuition, as they could be trying to communicate you something.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

this is it!! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

- libramc xx

[funkymbtifiction]

Hello! And, well, first of all, I really enjoy this blog because it’s full of insights and information I learn with. I usually consider a lot of options while reading and information in other places tends to be too narrowed, so this has helped me to shape/refine certain points in my knowledge on the MBTI and the enneagram in these last few months, especially since it’s (kind of) related to the career I’m pursuing.

Now, I was meant to ask, are there any personality tests in this or any other area that you would actually recommend?

I find myself troubled when it comes to questions about myself, which should be normal because of the different perceptions, but maybe not in the way I do. Along with what I believe to be my Ni (dom), it must be one of the reasons why I’ve been a “solid” (in almost every test, my own knowledge of cognitive functions, and what experiences I identify the most with) INFJ during years, but I’m not always… sure about this, sometimes confirming, sometimes doubtful for certain details. It could just be overthinking, too. And while I don’t think personality tests should be always taken seriously and rather with certain skepticism, a lot of them have helped me in realizing those ideas that I often ignore. For the most part, however, guess it’s just plain curiosity about how experiences differ in discovering our types.

Also, it’s there a certain system followed? Like, at the moment of identifying the character’s types. I’ve been itching to know. Since there is more than one person working on this, maybe the systems you use are different, especially since this whole world seems to be more… personal? It seems easy to mistype, even with experience. Yet, it’s really organized.

I do not recommend personality tests, no. What I do recommend is reading up extensively on all the functions and types and how the functions interact in a stack (the resources on my blog and back through the tags; mbti-notes here on tumblr is another great resource, along with the links I posted recently to a more abstract conceptualization of each function) and then going through a period of self-study and awareness, where you start paying attention to what your brain is doing while it is doing it. You may for awhile attribute things to the wrong functions but it’s a process, so keep learning and practicing and “seeing” what you are doing, and then it will sort of… come to you / make sense and allow you to recognize your own brain processes while it’s happening. And that frankly is insanely crazy cool.

Something else for you to consider is… you sound very Enneagram 6w7 to me. “Sometimes conforming, sometimes doubting… overthinking… serious but skeptical…” are the contradictions inherent in the type 6, which could also be leading you to both type confusion and self-doubt about settling on your type. The need to “make sure.” If you typically experience moments of certainty and then soon hop back up to re-think it, you are definitely a 6w7.

I’m currently the only person typing on Funky. I closed submissions over a year ago. There’s a “how to type” guide on my blog’s main page that could be useful to you. My own typing system (or method of ‘recognizing type’) is … hard to explain. Some characters I just know instantly are a certain type, and others I go through a list of possibilities when deciding. If I decide on one thing, and then cannot think up any evidence to prove it when I sit down to write the profile, I reevaluate them and find where the evidence leads me. I do make mistakes. And later, I will figure them out and correct them, as my knowledge expands and I become more skilled at recognizing the types. The less well-written the character is, the more I find it hard to type them. The more “stereotypical” they are, the easier it is. I’ve tried out all kinds of methods, from looking for functions (myopic view) and then zooming out for a big picture, to just getting an overall impression and then narrowing it down to the details (Ne/Si), and usually I settle somewhere in the middle, between an overall understanding of a type and evidence of the functions. If I’m stuck, I’ll Google the character to see what others have concluded about them and then analyze the evidence that seems in favor of or against it to find my footing.

[silverbastardgoldenfool]

Realm of the Quarantine Reread End-of-Book Questionnaire: Assassin’s Apprentice

Any differences between your first/previous reading experience and this one?

Uhhhhh yep!! I can’t even believe how different it was. Every scene has taken on an entirely different colour and flavour in my memory. I skimmed far too much the first time, yes, but also I just went into it with the wrong framework. I think I’ve mentioned this before but my mum recommended me these books on the basis of my love of A Song of Ice and Fire. She directly compared them and said how similar they were. Because of RotE’s length I had been putting it off for years, and only finally picked up Assassin’s Apprentice because I was itching to do an ASOIAF reread but was (and am) trying to wait until Winds of Winter to do it. 

So you can imagine the difficulty settling into a book like Assassin’s Apprentice when you’re expecting Game of Thrones. I remember my overall impression on my first read being that it was a pretty standard fantasy novel with the only really exceptional thing about it being the characters and their relationships. Characters are always my top priority so it was enough to keep me invested and progressing onto the next book and the rest of the series, but I did so not having absorbed nearly as much as I should have from the first book in the series.

Now, just from revisiting that first book, my understanding of Fitz and the world he operates in has exponentially increased and I know that will transform my experience of every book going forward. I really made sure to make myself slow down and read every word; absorb descriptions and just be in each moment without racing to the next one. Overall this book (and all the Fitz books) are much more concerned with the human condition and the effects of abuse and trauma and deep loneliness than being an epic fantasy. In fact it barely reads like fantasy at all; it’s incredibly grounded and focused. Of course the elements are there, but while Assassin’s Apprentice may not be as subversive as the rest of the series, it is certainly not generic fantasy. This book just feels alive to me now in a way it didn’t before against the rest of the series. I can regard it as a beautiful piece of the puzzle in its own right instead of just the setup. I wanna reiterate I always really liked Assassin’s Apprentice but it just paled in comparison to my unholy obsession with the rest of it. Idk this reread just really shifted a lot of things into perspective for me and I’m excited!!

Something you can’t believe you forgot

So so much but most ridiculous GALEN IS QUEEN DESIRE’S BASTARD am I dumb??? I didn’t even remember until it was explicitly stated lol

Favourite character introduction moments/scenes

It’s gotta be a tie between the Fool, Kettricken and Patience (realising there is a common theme here of Fitz making an idiot of himself). I genuinely was laughing so hard when Fitz is like, actively making himself smaller and so pleased with himself trying to help the Fool, and of course the Fool’s iconic “listen you idiot” ugh it’s just chef’s kiss baby, that’s what we in the biz call a meet-cute! (I know they have seen each other before, but this is the first time the Fool talks to Fitz). Then of course we have Kettricken who poisons Fitz at their first meeting, and Patience who Fitz continuously embarrasses himself in front of before even realising who she is. The fact that all three of these people end up being some of Fitz’s only genuinely loving relationships makes it even better.

Favourite character arcs

I think I’ve gotta go with Verity and Burrich. Verity goes from kind of a bloke’s bloke (he was so different in the beginning than I remembered!) to being a proper King-in-Waiting. He is self-sacrificial but not for pride; he genuinely cares deeply for his people, as a whole and as individuals, and will do anything it takes to protect them. He is far from perfect, and he could have done a lot more for Fitz when he was younger, but once Fitz is in his eyeline and he is confronted with the life the boy has led he seems suitably shamed and tries to do his best for him. He’s a good boy and I love him!

Burrich of course is just. unlucky. His health deteriorates due to injuries. He gets saddled with some kid and is burdened to bring him up to an impossible standard he has set himself (to not shame a man he has an impossibly high opinion of). He’s deprived of a job he loved and was good at, and most importantly he’s deprived of his boyfriend I mean lover I mean “master”.

His arc is not a happy one at all but it is compelling, and I can’t help but love him and feel for him despite also disagreeing with him on almost everything :)

Favourite quote/s

Unfortunately I don’t have any tabs atm so I couldn’t really keep track, but my heart exploded when Fitz said to the Fool after going into his room, “I wish I had a place that were as much me as that place is you.”

Favourite relationships

Fitz/Fool obviously. Even though they don’t have that many interactions in this book I loved every single one of them. The Fool volunteering to care for Smithy after Fitz has endured a long day of horrendous abuse is just!!!!! Kindness! What a concept! I could really see why they develop such a deep bond so quickly.

Fitz/Burrich is just so real and so compelling and it hurts me but I love it. Fitz/Chade breaks my heart bc Chade is manipulating his way into Fitz’s heart - I think without realising it a lot of the time bc he is lonely too, but the power imbalance is not okay when he is the centre of Fitz’s world for a long time and the closest thing he has to a friend. Knowing how Chade behaves not too much later just makes it even worse when he is so nice in this book because it just shows why Fitz has such a hard time being his own person and saying no to Chade ever.

Fitz/Verity for obvious reasons. Fitz/Hands!! They’re cute but it makes me sad that Hands betrays him in AQ. Weirdly I liked Fitz/Molly way more this time but more their friendship than anything. And next is Royal Assassin and their deeply toxic romance soooooo.

And Fitz and his puppies BUT WE DON’T TALK ABOUT THAT.

Favourite setting

Do yourself a favour and read the description of the Mountain Kingdom and specifically the palace. It is STUNNING and something I completely skimmed over the first time cos I’m a dumb idiot bitch I could have been picturing a city of huge colourful tulips all this time but fuck me I guess!!

Favourite chapter

As a rereader I think I’ve gotta say chapter one. There’s just so much to pick apart all crammed into one chapter. It still holds a lot of mystery even when you’ve read the entire series.

Most loved character

At this point I’ve gotta say Fitz. That’s who my heart is with during this book and he NEEDS IT

Most hated character

Okay I found Regal a much better villain on this read and hated him A LOT but whomst I despised even more w the very fibre of my being was Galen bitch disgusting!!!!!! Verity was so like, smug?? when he killed him and it was so satisfying. It’s what she deserves!!

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimised by Robin Hobb (most heartbreaking and/or visceral moments)

Literally this whole book was so harsh and I was perpetually emo throughout but off the top of my head, Fitz’s depressive episode after Shrewd and Chade test his loyalty fricking broke me, as did the entirety of Galen’s abuse/training; since I was paying so much more attention this time it hit a lot harder that he is an absolute textbook abuser and the psychological torment he inflicts on Fitz is just. deeply upsetting to say the least. It really got under my skin.

Details, observations, spoilery notes made with the benefit of the full picture

Okay this is where I just dump all the notes I took while reading that don’t fit anywhere else. It’ll be long lol so strap in.

- It’s never not funny to me that Narrator Fitz comes across as like a hundred years old when in actuality he is like twenty. Also that he looks back on himself with such a sense of wisdom and superiority, yet we know there is dumbarsery aplenty to come. Amazing.

- I’ve never really registered that for the first six years of his life Fitz had a mother who loved him and I don’t know how to feel about that

- REVELATION THAT SEEMS REALLY OBVIOUS IN HINDSIGHT: Fitz most likely only spoke Chyurdan when he was abandoned, which would have played a huge role in why he was not only quiet but unresponsive to what was happening around him. He probably didn’t even understand that he wasn’t going to see his mother again until much later, and he didn’t know how to ask questions. When he goes to the Mountain Kingdom and Kettricken comments that he speaks Chyurdan like someone remembering the language he doesn’t comment on it, so it’s likely that future Fitz doesn’t register that he didn’t always speak Six Duchies(?). He mentions in the narration that the memory of being abandoned is incredibly stark but not necessarily reliable, and possibly shaped by the Skill, which to me opens up the possibility that his memory is essentially auto-translating for him things he didn’t understand at the time. We also know that at the time of writing this he’s given up his memories of his mother etc. up to the stone dragon, so obviously his recollections of these traumatic events are going to be warped by that. Anyway thanks to my sister for pointing this out and being much smarter than me.

- According to Fitz’s grandfather, Chivalry always knew about Fitz. Don’t know how trustworthy a man desperate to yeet his grandson out of his care is but there ya go.

- Weird and hilarious that Shrewd tries to see Fitz on the day he arrives but then just like. What? Forgets about him? For years? lol

- Chade literally tells Fitz that he is a king’s man now and that’s the most important thing about him YIKES

- Chade becomes the closest thing Fitz has to a friend for quite a long time and that is fucking depressing

- It’s interesting that Chade had to be convinced to teach Fitz. It’s hinted at that there was an ~incident~ the last time they tried to train someone, followed by a long period of Chade being left to rot in the walls.

- Not to be out here diagnosing fictional characters but like.Fitz. Literally has depression.

- Fitz having to turn down Fedwren’s offer of apprenticing for him is so sad. It’s the life Fitz should have had.

- The Fool’s non-binary gender is mentioned as early as Chapter Nine! (Published in 1995! We have no choice but to stan!)

- “So quickly we were all made accomplices in our own degradation.” OOF.

- I really realised this time that the reason Fitz seems so shit at things he trained his whole life for later is because all that training was interrupted by many months of isolation, deprivation and abuse. All at the age of like 13-14. He got out of the habit of subconsciously acting in a way that Burrich or Chade would approve of. For a long time the only person he needed approval from was Galen, and he became completely single-minded about it because that was his means of survival. And you don’t just recover from that - especially since neither Chade or Burrich would give him the time of day for an extended period *after* his training was done. When Chade did finally talk to him again it wasn’t to recommence training really; he just gave him a bunch of tasks to do. By the time Fitz got to the Mountain Kingdom he was completely out of practice, and still managed pretty bloody well in spite of it.

- Kind of related to the last point: I love that while Fitz isn’t a savant at anything he’s a pretty realistic jack of all trades. He not only has an aptitude for learning almost any skill or subject but a genuine broad curiosity too. It’s one of the few things that is just him, ya know? It’s just his personality and something he can find joy in, even if it does also factor into his being used by others.

- Imagine being Burrich and finding out that your son thought you were a dog murderer for like ten years lol ouch

- Fitz thinks about the Fool soooo often in the Mountain Kingdom, pointing out things that remind him of him, or things he would like. It’s v soft tbh I love them so much!!

- Another dumb thing I forgot is that Regal is convinced that Shrewd had Fitz poison his mother to death, which adds a rather important layer onto his motivations lol

Anyone doing a reread feel free to fill this out! You don’t have to use the tag :)

[ranposlittle]

Hi! I was wondering if I could request a matchup? (I’m a Slytherin, ISPF, 4? And a Cancer) I am a 5’3 female with short ear length brown almost black hair that is shaved at the sides, I have black eyes and pale skin with a pear body type. I normally and introverted and only talk to a few people, i can be a bit evil or cold hearted at times. I love anime and poetry, I enjoy writing and drawing by myself but I don’t mind company. And I’m really socially awkward ^^’

I ship you with...

🔥 CHUUYA NAKAHARA 🔥

Chuuya was instantly magnetized to you the moment he saw your rockstar looks. He fell even harder when he got to know your rockstar personality. With your pale skin accentuating the deep color of your eyes and hair, along with your body's voluptuous shape; you're just about the most gorgeous lady he's ever laid his eyes on.

When he first approached you, he already saw your reservedness coming from being a Cancerian and a Type 4. You will be very guarded and probably will revert back to your metaphorical shell when you first encounter Chuuya's boisterous personality. He's too loud and a bit too enthusiastic, which is all good except he's a total stranger. He came after you when you tried to get away from him saying that you got on the wrong foot. He asked you if he can try again and after some thought, you let him. Your Cancerian intuition would be able to see right through him and know that he really mean no harm.

When he has (by some miracle) convinced you to spend more time with him, you got to know his gentle side and he got to know your strong side. Your cool and calm exterior sheltering your determined, bold, and cunning personality as a Slytherin. You're intelligent and goal-oriented that can be seen as cold or evil sometimes but Chuuya understands where you're coming from. If there's anyone in the world who can relate, it's him. In fact, he admires your strong leadership attitude as he can somehow see himself in you, too.

Being an ISFP, you're a natural-born creator. Chuuya would be in awe watching you create anything. Anything. Even if it's just a little drawing of a flower, he'll gawk at it like a masterpiece. His creativity isn't that great so it's so amazing to him how you pay so much attention on details. He also enjoy his time with you immensely, no matter what it is that you do. You would be pleased to know that one effective way to get him to shut up is whenever you read poetry to him. Of course, he'll ask you what it all meant at the end but at least you'll get your fair share of talking. He gets too riled up when watching anime, though. It's adorable, really. He loves that you're spontaneous, too. You'll take him up on whatever adventure he's cooked up and you'll share a lot of fun times together as both of you set to experience life, not to analyze it. You bond over discovering new things that you like to do together.

Overall, I think you'll be a great fit for each other as he'll fill on your contradictions and you on his. Want to have security but also crave new adventures? No, problem. Chuuya is as unpredictable as the weather. Need constant support and encouragement? Don't even ask. He's already your number one fan. Need to feel that you're needed? He clings to you like a koala and he checks up on you before you can even miss him. Socially awkward? He can just do all the talking for you until you're comfortable. Possessive? Don't worry, he's equally (if not more) possessive of you. Oh, you need some space and quiet now? Just tell him and he'll back off. He's surprisingly a reasonable man.

You'll adore his can-do approach in life and his extroverted personality pulls you out of your shell. Chuuya would even give you the courage to speak up about your emotions if ever you sulk. He'll also swoon you over some old fashioned romance, which would be amazing for your own romantic and sensual side. But the winning ticket for him is your nurturing side. It just softens Chuuya's heart every time. He wouldn't bat an eye over giving you all of his time, patience and tenderness until you open up to him. He'll never betray your trust and you'll be sure of that. You'll be forever such a wonderful puzzle for him that he doesn't mind spending the rest of his life being stuck on. And hey, your height doesn't intimidate him so is there really something not to like? 😉

***

Thank you for sending this in, poe-is-bean! Also, while writing about your dynamic, it reminded me of this song. I hope you enjoyed this!! (•ө•)♡

[comicteaparty]

September 2nd-September 8th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from September 2nd, 2019 to September 8th, 2019.  The chat focused on Home is a Distant Wish by Jurinova.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Home is a Distant Wish by Jurinova~! (https://tapas.io/series/hiadw)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until September 8th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Given many of the characters deal with some sort of trauma, whose trauma stands out to you the most? What do you think the comic can show us in regards to how we deal with trauma in real life?(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Do you think the Keld Ores can be trusted, or was Angelo right about him being dangerous? Why do you think Mute is sheltering him, and what consequences will the others face for bringing him to Mute?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Who do you think Roara is accused of having killed, and what does this have to do with her ex? How do you think she wound up friends with Cane, and what do you think her role in the story will be now that she’s free?

RebelVampire

1) my favorite scene is probably the couch scene where Angelo and Kipu were getting intimate. It was nice to see this sort of character development since it was a stark contrast to how everything started. And I liked just how concrete it was despite both being kind of unsure where to take things. A lot of respect going around and just overall, the scene gave me warm fuzzies and gave me hope they could both have actual relationships with other ppl despite trauma. 2) I think Roara's trauma is what stood out the most to me. While only some people have to ever deal with the sort of physical issues like part of what Kipu suffers, I think everyone has been in some position to Roara's, at least on the level of being accussed of something they didn't do and being punished for it. That can be hardcore emotional trauma. In regards to what the comic can show us about dealing with trauma, I think that everyone handles it differently. Some people need revenge (even if that's not the healthiest), some people need time, some people need hugs, some people just want to be left alone, etc. Trauma manifests differently for everyone, and some people just handle it better than others. So ya gotta have patience and an open mind to spot it.

3) My favorite character is definitely Kipu. I like the concept that Kipu has to speak through text in short statements to convey whatever Kipu is trying to say. And I like to see how that, gestures, and other stuff are integrated to create a character who, while on the quieter side, can be just as vocal and opinionated as anyone else. Plus, I've enjoyed Kipu's backstory so far the most, cause Kipu strikes me as the most sympathetic so far.

4) I think Ores is kind of in between. Like I don't think Ores will randomly go murder hobo and is a nice person. But do I believe Ores is dangerous and is willing to kill to protect certain people's lives over others? Damn straight I do. Ores, regardless of the niceness, seems to have an agenda, and people will agenda's are generally gonn do some bad things in the name of those agendas. Mute...I'm gonna be honest. I get the impression Mute was paid to shelter Ores, but also secretly supports whatever it is Ores is trying to achieve. And I think this will come bite Mute in the butt when people come for Ores and probably destroy everything Mute has tried to build because desperation and murder don't mix well.

5) My favorite illustration so far is probably this city scape https://tapas.io/episode/1188947 I love the muted color scheme so that there can be glowing highlights, expressing the nightlife atmosphere that is taking over the city. I also love the variety in building shapes going on, cause it gives the place a lot of character as well. 6) I got the impression Roara was accused of killing her ex, perhaps by someone she knew and who had enough power to get away with it. And given it's her ex, Roara of course was prime suspect and its one of those cases where the police shrugged and didnt bother looking for anyone else. Given Roara's personality, I feel like she took pity on Cane when Cane first showed up at the prison and just kind of mother henned/big sistered herself in there out of pity. And then that pity turned to a lot of love and care to want to protect Cane who seemes kind of innocence. As for her future role, I get the impression she's gonna be on the wrong side of the law cause she seems like she'd go where Cane goes, and Cane is probably gonna switch side at the rate the flashbacks are going. XD

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Why do you think the Keld are attacking people and causing destructive and deadly incidents? What does this have to do what the senators are doing that is supposedly very risky?

Attila Polyák

Finally I got around to reading a comic here... 1, Llama alien family visit! The entire visit there is just so wholesome, even though they are clearly in a rather rough situation. And they are soo adorable. 2, There's a... I'd prefer not to. So with the first part of the question unceremoniously skipped. People are different. Their circumstances, good and bad, are also different. It's no surprise that people react to the same event(s) differently. People can, and most often do, try to understand each other but seeing and understanding how someone else deals with negativity in general in life is very iffy. You are not them, you might on an intellectual level understand that something really bad happened to them, but without their experiences and way of thinking... The best you can do is try which I guess doesn't sound too promising, but it's still a lot better than being left in the darkness. 3, Kipu. He's awesome! His way of communicating, his backstory (or what we know about it so far), his choice of clothes. Everything about him is just so intriguing. I'm looking forward to learning more about his past the most. 4, I think Ores is dangerous, but despite that he can still be trusted. He feels like someone who can go to extreme lengths for what he believes in. And I think This is the reason why Mute shelters him. Their longer term goals I feel are not the same, but I also think those goals might align one way or another.

snuffysam

1) I agree with @RebelVampire - the scene where Angelo and Kipu are opening up to each other is my favorite. It's just beautiful to see how far they've come since the start of the story! For the record, that's also my answer to (7). Angelo is of course a sass-master to Kipu, but it's the moments where Kipu returns fire that really sell the relationship. For 6) - while I agree Roara probably became friends with Cane because she wanted to protect him, I also get the impression that she has also been bailed out by Cane a couple times. Perhaps she tangled with someone too big for her and Cane had her back?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. What do you think Angelo/Kilene’s relationship with Prince is, and what exactly is Prince trying to protect Angelo/Kilene from? What is Angelo/Kilene’s story in general, and what is the patch showcased several times in the story?

RebelVampire

7) I definitely enjoy seeing Kipu and Angelo interact the most. Once again, I really like the development that goes with their relationship as they find common bonds despite basically despising each other beginning. And character growth is fun to watch. 8) I get the impression that the Keld know what the senators are up to and are trying to get people's attention and stop it. And people only pay attention when things get crappy, or something like that. As for what the senators are doing, I'm not entirely sure. Although I'm sure it's very illegal whatever it is, probably gonna chop down some liberties. Maybe they're secretly genociding the Keld or something like that. Either way, don't trust politicians.

9) I really love some of the details for the world building. For example, how different species have different naming structures. It's just one of those nice little details that really makes a species feel like a different species that developed its own non-earth culture. And it's details like these a lot of people neglect since they aren't always that important. Still, it's really great to see and adds some depth to the world. 10) I get the impression that Angelo and Prince dated before and had a mutual split. Maybe due to potential family pressures. That or they're brothers. One of the two. Either way they give off the vibe they were close and known each other for years. I get the impression that Angelo ran away though, and Prince is protecting Angelo from the repercussions from that. As for Angelo's story in general, maybe a rich kid, got into drugs, had health issues, rebelled against family. He strikes me very much as the type to have rebelled against everyone cause he didn't want to fit anybody's mold.

Attila Polyák

5, The funeral sequence is probably my favorite illustration (as morbid as that sounds). https://tapas.io/episode/522887 Just not just shows how funeral ceremonies are held, but also how important that death was in the earlier parts of the comic. The page not just looks great but also enhances previous pages by giving extra context. It's both beautiful in a grandiose way and plot important. 6, I absolutely agree with @RebelVampire about Roara. I think she's accused of killing her ex, however that couldn't be further from the truth. As for Cane. I just feel like he's a person who's willing to listen (pun absolutely intended, sorry I'm a bad person). Most people wouldn't want to be associated with someone who killed a significant other, Cane, however, I feel like not just listened to her, but believed her, and thus their friendship was formed.(edited)

Attila Polyák

7, That's a bit odd. I'm not really much of a fan of Angelo, yet whenever he interacts with literally anyone it's just... I donno, somehow charming and interesting. 8, When I read the talk about the risky stuff the senators are doing I for some reason almost immediately jumped to the conclusion that they are trying to build the Sybil System from Psychopass or something very similar. I think it's rather understandable why some would be against a system that judges you for stuff you didn't do and makes your most important life decisions instead of you (not that there are no advantages to a system like that but you know... the downsides are also obvious).  Aaaand... While I have no rational reason to expect this to be the case, I still do and I also have a feeling that the Kled know about this somehow and are trying to prevent it. Probably one of their leaders was scouted for this plan and this leader said no. Thus the Kled had an opportunity to know about what's going to happen and they believed it, but the rest of the world didn't and that's because of a simple reason: The senat obviously has power, possibly enough to turn the truth into a ridiculed rumor.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. What do you think happened to Kipu and Naia, especially given they both have severe physical trauma? Overall, what do you think will be the consequences of Kipu and Cane/Naia reuiniting for everyone else in the story?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Now that Prince is free to pursue Ores, what do you think will happen to Nkapu and the rest of the crew? Will they be able to get out of the situation, or will their deeds catch up to them? In general, where do you think the story goes from here?

Attila Polyák

9, What stuck me most is how architecture looks. Yes it's futuristic as it's expected to be, but different locations, cities, villages in different places look well... Different. 10, I have the feeling that they were together in the past, both from a relatively wealthy background, but Angelo somehow thumbled down the social ladder around the same time when they broke up. Ultimately I feel like the two are unrelated, and Prince is still trying to support Angelo one way or another. 11, The scenery is gorgeous. Especially the colors during sunset/sunrise. Really eye catching. Actually... Not just the landscapes, but backgrounds in general are really well drawn and just good to look at. 12, I'm really unsure, but I have a feeling the connected events in their past happened while Kipu was attending the academy. 13, Kipu's backstory. I usually am a sucker for good backstories, but since his seems to conenct to the rest of the story in multiple different points I'm genuinely curious how both his relationships and the past events turn out. 14, In short I feel Prince will successfully go after Ores and a confrontation seems to be inevitable. However I'm really unsure as to the extent of this confrontation. Like... Mute is ultimately not just the captain of a ship, but basically the leader of a small city. We clearly see that Prince is in command of a lot of people, but Mute and co also seem to be a more than just a few and while they are not as well equipped as Prince. At this point I feel like the real question is, how much is Ores worth and how far are they willing to go to get him.

RebelVampire

11) In my opinion the strength is probably the mesh between world and characters. When it comes to world-building, that can be an intense process. The more you develop, the more the "character" of the world can be to overshadow the actual characters. However, this comic finds a great balanced between being detailed yet having the story strictly remain about the character's and their struggles. Which creates an all around better reading experience. 12) Honestly, Kipu and Naia probably got into a war since ya know, that's kind of what they're training for. And no one expects war to be as shit as it usually turns out to be. So probably big devastating battle where everyone was scattered and everyone was just assumed dead. As for consequences about them reunited, I don't think any of Kipu's friends will care, but I think it's gonna be a big deal for Roara. She doesn't strike me as the trusting kind of person.

13) I am actually looking forward to seeing where Angelo goes from here since the comic pulled a red herring and Kipu's group is more or less probably gonna ditch Angelo now (since most never liked Angelo anyway). So I want to see what Angelo's role will transform to be now. 14) Everybody is screwed. That is what's going to happen. Things will come to a head cause Mute's group, and by association Nkapu's group, don't send a chance even if the might be able to runaway for a while. And I think this will drive Ores into a corner and cause much destruction and feelings of regret.

Jurinova

Hey, author of HiaDW here! Just wanted to drop by and say that reading all these comments has been wonderful and very insightful! It's interesting to see how different people read different characters and situations, not to mention how spot on some of the analysis were. Thank you so much to all who read the comic and commented!

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Home is a Distant Wish this week! Please also give a special thank you to Jurinova for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Home is a Distant Wish, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://tapas.io/series/hiadw

Jurinova’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jurinova

Jurinova’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/jurinova

Jurinova’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/jurisaur

[welcometoyournewhell]

Paladin (and Garrison) Future Ideas of Mine

It’s complicated but

1.) Technically Adam and Shiro were the first of the bunch to “have a kid” as they raised Keith. Shiro is a brother like figure to the other due to how he treats Keith. Adam is pretty much the Colleen Holt of the family. He is papa bear to no end. They start to date again and kind of.... let Curtis in? 

Like they both start to crush on Curtis who has been obviously gushing over Shiro so like... Adam’s like... maybe we should go on separate dates with him? And they do, kind of? 

Like Shiro and Curtis kiss on the first date and Adam is a bit jealous for both reasons. But like it’s his night with Curtis and the guy’s a little scared of the professor. But in the end they all are getting closer to thirty and want to just settle for an easier life style. 

Six months of dating later there’s bells and rings. Not wanting actual kids (thank you @kwaiipootato for helping me out with this), Shiro adopts a cat and dog form the shelter the Christmas after they marry. The cat’s name is coffee (as she’s black (mostly), like how Adam takes his coffee), and the dog’s name is spice... because it matches... just like their fur coats. 

Bonus: Come Halloween everyone calls Spice, Pumpkin or Pumpkin Spice to made Curtis mad. 

2.) Matt is the second to create life as he and his lovely girlfriend wife “settle” after years of helping in the war. They have a little girl which is what sparks Matt to propose. He’s in it for the long run baby. That and.. Colleen made is clear she wanted this girl in her family. Both of them. 

A temporary name, unless I just decide on it, could be Gidgit... because it’s cute. Where as unamed mommy (does she have a name?) and like everyone else are calm about how she’s handled and what she’s given, etc., Matt goes batshit. 

He’s super protective to the point he makes like a bubble dome around her crib, play pen, everything. It’s voice activated and his love hates it. “What if it glitches and we can’t get her out?” Insert Holt panic.

Bonus: She’s like a mini Pidge, and she loves to wear overalls!

3.) After Allura’s passing, Lance feels that to spread the word of peace he must venture into the galaxy. Joining up with Keith once more they set off to help the universe. The next time they stop home... everyone’s a little shocked at the news. They’d been sating a year and wanted to get hitched.  

After a brief verbal smack down from both Lance’s mom and Adam, the two went on with their plans. As Keith stated: “You literally were off and on with Shiro for what a year, two years? Or at least didn’t say you were dating again until after Curtis joined. Then you married six months in! At least we waited a year!” 

Need less to say he was in big trouble but Lance was given their blessing. (Curtis and Kolivan were touched that they were included in this too). Lance said no more space, were not doing that. Let’s have kids. Six months later Veronica and Axcia were like... “Well... we don’t want kids but... here/” 

Veronica donated her egg because she wanted to help her brother. Finding a surrogate they flopped about and mixed in Keith’s stuff and boom, Kassandra Jerome. Dying at birth made Keith a paranoid dad, like worse than Matt or the Lysol commercials for new moms. 

Bonus: Kosmo is number one babysitter and thinks of him as his pup. Shiro also has a voice of a god that can calm the crying demon down or gain his attention. 

Baby number two is adopted when she’s three after the new Galra empire invades the Utopia of a planet. All Galran heritage that resided there was to be killed on the spot for treason. 

After looking for Veripian’s Olivia’s mom, Lance came to the horrifying discovery of what the tiddler meant by “mommy’s gone.” She became his and Keith’s baby, and helped distract them during their son’s absence. 

They are much more leaniant with her then they were Jerome. Bed time at seven becomes bed time when your done playing (which she’s pretty good about), punishments are just tickle fights rather than time out or grounded, it’s not too different but still is. 

Bonus: Literally is glued to her brother more than her dads. An absolute sweet heart who tries to join everyone together for cuddles.

4.) Allura and Romelle had become close to each other in no time before the war ended. When Allura came back from the after life, she was hurt that Lance had found love in another. But it had been three years since she’d died and she could tell he still loved her. 

But he was happy, and had a little family. She herself decided to move on. Romelle actually came up to her with the idea of a date. Never thinking about women that way, the princess was taken back.. but agreed. She’d had such bad luck with Lotor.. and Lance was a sweetie but Allura wasn’t ready for a relationship at the time. 

She felt as if she hurt him. But Romelle was actually... a lot of fun! Their dinner date was amazing, they talked and joked about things the princess had missed. They went for a walk, danced in the street with strangers as a talented band played from the sidewalk. 

They watched as other’s rode in Horse and Buggies nervously as they discussed how odd it was. They just kept at it for a few years until Coran had finished the new castle ship. At that point... he was more than happy to give his daughter away to someone who truly made her smile again. 

Using Altean magic they were able to splice their DNA and create life. Romelle panics most of the time as she doesn’t know what to do, frustrating Allura who tries to fix whatever is wrong. In the end Coran ends up taking the baby, or Adam and easily fixes it. (Allura: But how? Coran: Well I helped raise you didn’t I? - or- Allura: But how? Adam: Keith visits too often with the family.)

But they’re very loving mothers! Allura has their daughter train in order to protect herself f anything were to happen. Romelle on the other hand is all about the hugs and kisses! Cuddle time is the best time! Mommy and mama are snuggled up in bed with a small blob demon sleeping between them. 

Her name is Amerette as Allura’s father gave her the name in a dream. Coran and Romelle respond rather happily to it. 

Bonus: Mama’s girl, thoroughly. Like will cling to Romelle, even at infancy, to escape doing things she doesn’t want to with mommy. Also when Allura was pregnant with Amerette, Romelle would press her hear to her tummy constantly to listen for noises. Each noise, kick, or anything would excite her. It brought Allura such joy to see her reaction, especially when her father figure would join in. 

5.) After pursuing his culinary empire sudden dreams(?), Hunk finally worked up the courage to ask Shay out. She was so happy that she actually cried while hugging him. She’d liked him for a while but had been too shy to say anything. Her brother, being her brother, was against it.

He got to the point where Shay lost her temper with him and went to live with Hunk. They had a lot of fun making new plates together, even using her grandmother’s soup recipe. 

They took things a lot slower than the rest, almost a normal pace. In fact it was a normal pace. They dated for a few years before deciding on marriage, then a few more years before choosing to have a family. 

They had to pay the least out of everyone (minus Shiro and Adam) for their kids as Lance and Keith decided they were content with one for the moment. The supplies were in good shape (minus the (third) stroller that Kieth had to dump, he wasn’t patient enough with them). 

Their first child was a little girl that Shay’s grandmother wanted to name Amerix. When she opened her yellow eyes for the first time Hunk could hear the name screaming in his ears, so that’s what they decided on. She became mommy’s little angel and daddy’s little girl. 

The second child was born five years after Amerix, and was named Benjamin as Shay had fallen in love with the earth name. He hardly left mommy’s arms as she loved to snuggle him! He was like a mini, Balmerian Hunk!That and he cried whenever someone else held him. Daddy was... sometimes an acception. 

Their final and third child was born around three years later. They weren’t sure at first what to name him, Aleki wound up being chosen after some conversations with Hunk’s parents. Despite having three children, each are given the same amount of love and attention. Their the “perfect” nuclear family, in their standards. 

Both Hunk and Shay pull equal weights when it comes to their family, cooking, cleaning, bathing, bed time, diaper changing, etc. They’re like something out of a fairy tale! When they fought Hunk would raise his voice a bit and Shay tended to have something in her hands, but they were never intimidating or toxic. 

In fact they’d hardly stress with the kids, it was all a big adventure for them to have together. 

Bonus: Hunk nearly fainted at his wedding because he was so nervous and Shay looked so beautiful in her dress. He felt he wasn’t good enough or her. But three kids later, snuggle time and tickle fights over powered the fear. 

6.) Like... I don’t look too much into these two (because I don’t like James), but I see James and Kinkade having like a little boy and girl. I’m not going to go into too much detail but I feel like it was Ryan who asked James out. The other was like “wait... what? Your joking right?” 

One date lead to another and Kinkade got down in front of the time square tree and slipped a ring on James’s finger. The other sputtered in shock as Ryan didn’t ask him or anything, hell he even put the glove back on his hand after! So after a long conversation Kinkade finally did it “properly” and was given a yes. 

They’d been dating for around two years when this happened and had been living together for about a year. Where as not much pashed or cause Ryan to question things, his partner was quick to judge and stare in judgement at most things. 

Which made having kids even more fun as the more quiet pilot would purposely have his daughter repeat stories in front of James for a reaction. Or would take pictures of both kids’ concoctions and send them to him. 

So I feel like James is a basic bitch, like simple American names. Ryan said yeah no, you get to name one, I get to name the other if they don’t have any. They both did have names (adoption) but the light browned hair brunette claimed he could pronounce the girl’s. 

To which the small curly haired baby’s name became Emma Lionette-Rose Kinkade, rather than Lionette Rose Kinkade. The boy’s name remained the same as he was named after a fictional story character. 

Seeing as Ryan enjoyed the series, Nevil Charles Kinkade was written on the papers. Honestly becoming a father kind of made James less... jerk like? (Sorry if he’s one of your favorites. I want to smack him for how he used to talk to Keith and talked to Hunk.)

Bonus: Both parents love playing with their baby girl’s curly hair,  and both enjoyed playing dolls with their son. They’d let both children explore likes and dislikes as they grew up with out intervention. James actually knocked his brother out for trying to take Nevil’s Barbie and Bratz dolls. He was protective of his little munchkins and would have killed his brother if he kept talking down to the boy. 

7.) I see Pidge as being asexual and aromantic, a romantic(?). I see her being a kick as aunt who spoils the shit out of Gidgit. She may be a mommy of Rover 2.0 or Bebe the second (whether it be a  real dog or one programmed with Bebe’s memories). But that’s as much of a little family as I see her having. 

8.) As stated I don’t see Axca and Veronica having kids. Best aunts ever, yes. Having cats and naming them munchkin and fluffy, of course. But human kids? Not really. 

[goghlaxyphotos]

Visual Exercise 3 - Great Inspiration

The next assignment we got - ‘Great Inspiration’, was about recreating images by recognized photographers, and this is why it was called that way. 

By first look, copying an image of a chair or just a single subject on a plain background seems easy peasy. BUT.

 From the first trial I painfully discovered it is terribly hard to imitate a picture with all the details, lights and shadows, position...  😅 I feel it is almost impossible to copy the exact way the original photo was taken. So, during this project I felt overwhelmed, stuck, desparate, confused... but after all I kept on trying and will keep on exploring photographers’ techniques because thus I learn a lot about the perspectives of light, the importance of it and what results its specific use and the arrangement, positioning and representation of an object can bring. In fact, during the process of trying to imitate pictures I myself created a few quite fair captures that may not be as similar to the originals but look good on their own.

 All in all, in a few posts I will share with you all my inspirations for work on the project and for further work I will keep on developing. I will also pluck up my courage to post some unsuccessful trials of the copycat and some separate photographs I have been taking while I have not been posting.

Here is a list of the photographers I researched before I started the recreation process. They were quite a lot and I collected a huge folder of photographs I desired to try redoing or just loved much and wanted to keep for my ‘ideas’ book. Quite a few of those grand artists (expectedly) just could not suit my capabilities of recreating such complicated images, which require skill, specific conditions, time and materials I could not afford.

Alexey Titarenko - ghostly vibes, ideas for creative use of exposures

Alma Haser - similar to Sylwia Kowalczyk’s work with crushed/folded paper and cut outs.

André Kertész - diverse work, different styles - new topographics, portraiture..

Arnold Newman

Bill Brandt

Cindy Sherman

Dan Dubowitz

David Hockney - at first I thought ‘oh, I like making collages, why not try redoing one of these joiners’... then I realized that these specific collages demand so much time and arrangement I could not do it before the deadline😅

Edward Weston - I tried recreating his nude portraits. Poses and shadows were extremely difficult. Still I am thinking of sharing some of the results.

Eugenio Recuenco

Fay Godwin

Gerhard Richter - paintings and photographs

Gregory Crewdson

Hannah Starkey

Henri Cartier-Bresson

Idris Khan

Irving Penn - new in my favourites. 

Johannes Vermeer

Pablo Zuleta Zahr - super originial and atypical work,  ✔️ to try list

Richard Kalvar - loved the humour; found works that will be useful for another project

Rineke Dijkstra

Robert Mapplethorpe - his work looked approachable because I had a male model available, but is also quite specific in terms of lighting and posing, only a professional could do it

Sarah Ann Loreth - love at first sight. Just clicked with my taste of images and love to fire. Her style is visible, noticable and memorable.

Sohrab Hura - genuinely pure and intriguing narrative photographer. Since she was one of the last artists I researched, I kept in mind continuing reading and reviewing her exhibitions.

Sugimoto - liked the abstract approach

Sylwia Kowalczyk - honestly, one of the strongest inspirations I found during this research in terms of style and type of art. I love constructed images. I could not manage to recreate one of hers for the project but started exploring the way I can do it and will soon finish a work inspired by this amazing woman.

Tacita Dean - unique use of film, yet I am not familiar how to work with it and could not include it in the project

Tom Hunter - loved his ‘Swan Songs’ 

Viveca Koh

William Eggleston

So, even though I could not recreate every artist’s image I definitely appreciated and enjoyed researching their art and saved a lot of ideas in my ‘ideas’ book to try. :) In fact, quite a few of them I will look up to again when it’s time for the final project (portraiture, I will hint nothing more:)). So research is always useful, especially a thorough one and followed by practice.  📸

The first photograph I tried copying was Gerhard Richter’s küchenstuhl (kitchen chair). I had to start from somewhere so I thought ‘okay, I have a chair and a wall, I can try this’. Yes, but no as we say in Bulgaria. I had the original picture printed so that I could look up to it and adjust the light and the angles. Yet, as I did it on my own it was difficult holding the source of light (flash), a reflector (to darken the floor), and the camera all by myself. I took about a hundred pictures, realizing a new thing with every other photo taken: at first I hadn’t noticed the chair should be captured a little from the side. Then I saw the floor should be dark and there should be hardly any shadows on it, and thus I kept on noticing details I had to pay attention to. I tried capturing this photo with daylight (from the window) and with curtains shut (with flash). Anyways, when I saw the pictures on my laptop I realized I’ve made too many mistakes and knowing that I should not fix them on Photoshop, I decided to redo the photoshoot. The second time I had stronger daylight available and could adjust the position of the chair so that I got the right shadows; I took a series with the flash again in order to compare them on the laptop which has come out closer to the original and after all I do not remember which case was the most successful one.

An interesting story behind this first copycat was that initially I chose to do it because I wanted to recreate a painting. Then after recreating it I researched the picture and its artist (G. Richter) more deeply and found out there was a photograph by which the painting was made. And pleasantly surprising, in the photograph there was a similar column on the right of the chair just like in mine (and initially I worried about it being there). So one more time, research turns out quite useful.

(second row, last photograph) ⬇

 The choice of picture for the second recreation was induced by my inspiration from the photographer who made it and the way the content is presented. I became a huge fan of Robert Mapplethorpe throughout this project, I enjoy his style very much and had quite a lot of his pictures in the recreation list. What drew me in to this exact photograph of his were the highlights and the way this part of the body, which is my favourite, is captured. I love looking at necks, jawbones, cheekbones - they are such an expressive part of a person’s look. And I think in this Mapplethorpe’s photograph they are depicted and emphasized through the shadows and highlights. The contrast, which I had problem with, plays a big role in the overall look of this image. When I printed mine it appeared flat, so I needed to strengthen the contrast between the whites and the blacks. So, if I am to recreate this picture again, I will use more sources of light to highlight the specific parts of the face and the neck. Overall, I am happy with the composition of my copy - I think this is the feature I’ve nailed in this recreation mostly.

The next photograph also originates from Robert Mapplethorpe’s collection -  Pictures/Self Portrait, 1977. Simple, and yet I had to recreate it twice because the first time I thought I have got the shadow right but in fact I had not. ➖ What I think I did not nail in this recreation: the position of the arm (left), the smooth edges of shadow and the small details highlighted on the hand (which can actually depend on the different body/hand). ➕ What I probably nailed: shirt, position of hand according to paper, text on paper, shape of shadow, angle of shoot.

All in all, I loved the simplicity in this picture and the way it clearly delivers a message: ‘Pictures.’. It may wrap up a person’s life, one’s hobby, passion, vision, anything. It makes you think. And the other version of this photograph kind of presents another side of the narrative, where the clothing plays a significant role in the reading of the picture. (shirt and a wrist watch (business) -> rocker gloves and a metal bracelet (rebel)). Everyone can be an artist.

  Last but not least, I chose to recreate a picture of Sohrab Hura’s ‘Life is Everywhere’ project. It grabbed me the moment I saw it because it radiates some kind of magic, an honour, the way the photograph is hold. And I love the idea of a photo inside the photo - it somehow reveals the meaning of the images or people’s attitude towards them. 

As long as I understood from Hura’s website, the story hidden behind this image of a hand holding a probably old photograph is about the mother of the photographer, who struggled with paranoid schizophrenia. If I have got it wrong about the picture at least I know it is from her work ‘Life is Everywhere’ that is inspired exactly by this tragedy in her life. The disease is not the reason why I wanted to recreate this image with the picture of my mother, thankfully. One reason is because I had her pocket picture I keep in my wallet and wanted to include her in my project. Reading the story, I found even more motivation and connection between the original and my recreation, so I was sure I was going to do it. Hura’s mother’s disease was believed to be caused by the break up with the father of the photographer. My mother went through a similar experience I am not going to elaborate on but I could relate to the story, excluding the severe psychologic disorder caused. Including her picture in my projects, holding it gently, honourably, I want to express my awe and admiration at her endurance and strong personality. She is my idol and I want to show it, so this is my interpretation of this copycat.

In terms of technical execution, I used a plain white wall as a background and had to move the hand away from it so that no shadow would appear on it. The hand was lit from above and a little on the right to achieve those highlights. I did not manage to get all the shadows and dark areas, but I think it is partially due to the lack of hair. I used a camera filter to get the vignette edges but they appeared a little too flat so obviously I had to strengthen them to achieve a similar look to the original.

In a nutshell, this project was a whole new experience to me which I did not expect to be so difficult for realization but after all I am happy with everything I learnt as for techniques, filters, lighting, photographers. I enriched my creativity and filled my ‘ideas’ book, doing my research, and thus have helped my next projects as well. Also I am glad I will have material to work on after this project is over and will now look at light in a different way and think more - how is this shadow achieved? where is this object lit from?...

🔦💡🕯📸🤔

💫📍📒

[simplyoriginalcharacters]

Chizuru Yamagi

((Hey I’ve been working on this girl for like six years and I want a second opinion? I tried to cut as much as I could but this is still s u p e r long.))

BASICS Name: Chizuru Yamagi Gender: Cis female Age: 22 Birthday: June 19 (making her a Leo-Cancer cusp) Race: Human with Eldritch blood. Ethnicity: Japanese Sexuality: Pansexual Alignment: Chaotic Good

Profile and review are under the cut! Content warning: mention of sexual abuse. ~Cori

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE Height: 4'11" Weight: 118 lbs (most of this is muscule) Chizuru can be said to be a conventionally attractive girl,with wide silver eyes (Though she’s taken to wearing brown colored contacts), clear skin, and a cute button nose. She’s frequently mistaken for being younger than she is, although her behavior frequently clears up any misunderstandings about her actual age. Chizuru has a pear-shaped bodytype- with narrow shoulders and hips that jut out widely, culminating in thick, muscular thighs. Even though her shoulders and arms are more narrow, however, muscle is pretty evenly distributed over her body, and defined pretty nicely under that cursed purple sweater she always wears. Her hair isn’t the neatest in the world, and if you squint, you may be able to tell it’s slightly lopsided. Her bangs are often in her face, though frequently held back with a hair clip or other accessory. PERSONALITY Likes: Winter and autumn, alcohol, physical and mental exertion, the smell when it rains, looking down from high places, opponents who give her a good challenge, sewing (she makes most of her own clothes!) Dislikes: Being shown affection by those she doesn’t trust, being inordinately praised, hot weather, enclosed spaces (this is a trigger for her), being treated like a child, authority in general (tolerable, though she’ll be clenching her teeth the entire time.) Fears: Being forgotten, being taken advantage of, being made powerless, is a claustrophobe General Attitude and Intelligence: Although you wouldn’t be able to tell from talking to her, Chizuru is a cynic who doesn’t see much faith in humanity, and who hates letting on how she really feels. If you manage to get under the front she puts up, you’ll find a bitter, tired person who has her fair share of scars. Though getting close to her is a feat in and of itself, she cherishes those she knows she can trust, and will protect them with her life. Provided her arrogance doesn’t rear its head. Due to receiving a formal education late in life, Chizuru lacks book smarts, and doesn’t have the patience for literature or math. However, she is quite street smart, and is good at adapting to precarious situations, as well as reading body language. General Sociability: When it comes to social things, Chizuru is able to smoothly operate most situations, being a natural when it comes to speaking. She operates on the idea of brevity being the soul of wit, and she usually tries to keep her conversations short as she can. Chizuru is good at reading people most of the time, and she often knows exactly what comments to slip in to keep people intrigued. She generally focuses on the positive aspects of others, though she generally pays little attention to aesthetics if she isn’t considering her conversation partner as a sexual partner. She often playfully flirts with those who physically appeal to her, and sometimes even those who don’t. Overall, she’s extremely friendly on the surface, to the point that people tend to flock to her, though those she dislikes will often find themselves on the end of open scorn. General Moral Compass: A great way to describe Chizuru in regards to morality would be to call her a benevolent hedonist. While she tries not to make it immediately obvious on the surface, everything Chizuru does is done because she thinks it’s the right thing to do. She’s an incredibly willful, brash person who pursues the protection of others with unstoppable zeal (though she often passes it off as a desire for battle). Unfortunately, she’s also extremely stubborn in her perceptions of right and wrong, and hates even entertaining the possibility that what she’s doing may not be the right thing. As such, if you can convince her that ‘the right thing’ is something objectively dangerous or reckless, she’ll do it with the same zeal as her other goals. Personal Goals: Have an exciting life and death, and snuff out any major criminals she can catch while she’s at it. She also wants to rid the world of corruption. An impossible goal. Positive Personality Traits: Perceptive, determined, social, independent, confident, charismatic, friendly Negative Personality Traits: Stubborn, prideful, has no sense of limits, distrustful, has issues with commitment, unreadable, childish on occasion BIO Chizuru is from a world vaguely close to our own… with the exception being that Eldritch Abominations exist and hide among the human population. Although they aren’t quite ‘Gods’, these creatures are generally able to exceed humans in physical capability… Socially, however, humans are often considered superior. There’s not much public knowledge about these creatures, however, as the few who see their true forms are often traumatized beyond speaking, or otherwise dismissed as liars. There are some who see them as gods, however, and given the powers of some of them, they may not be entirely wrong. Some of these creatures are capable of opening wormholes, in a manner of speaking, allowing them some level of free movement through the multiverse. However, this is unknown to the public due to government coverups… That hasn’t stopped conspiracy theorists from talking, though. Chizuru was born via an uncommon union. You see, her mother wasn’t exactly human, but rather a cosmic horror having taken human form. Now, in her world, it was far from a unique occurance. However, despite her mother being a horrific abyss generally beyond human comprehension, she had a pretty normal first few years of her childhood. Probably because her mother left after she was born. Growing up in a poor and destitute home wasn’t easy. Especially since her father had a chronic, medical case of what we call, “The douche” alongside a brief addiction to opium. It was only brief because it killed him, though, and that definitely fucked with little Chizuru. Her father was willing to do disgusting things to feed his addiction- Up to and including pimping out his daughter. For five years of her life, Chizuru served as a call girl for her father’s friends- And on occasion, her father himself. The event gave Chizuru a… grim outlook on sex, believing it to be a good thing whenever she feels degraded or harmed. After her father’s death, Chizuru was sent into fostercare for a year, but was eventually found by an estranged sister (who basically disowned her father so she had no idea Chizuru was even A Thing), who took Chizuru in. She lived with her older sister, Kyouko Yamagi, for ten years.  Living with her sister was a better experience than living with her father, even though she was frequently left to her own devices due to her sister’s constant business with her job as a homicide detective. Due to this, she learned to take care of herself to a rough degree, although her tastes are… interesting. Ten years into living with Kyouko, Chizuru finally got wind of a big job her sister had been working on for a while- Involving a serial killer going after anyone with any ‘abnormality’ that put their humanity into question. Wanting to be of some use to her sister, Chizuru attempted to get involved in the case. Hey, we never said she was SMART. During her involvement in what little she knew of the case, Chizuru met and befriended a conspiracy theorist by the name of Ryouta Kawajiri, and he imparted a theory of his to her- The theory that not everyone she’d ever met was “human”. This was where she first began to consider the existence of eldritch beings, although by the time she got older, she dismissed the thought as a madman’s ravings. Ryouta was, you see, obsessed with the thought that these eldritch beings wanted to subjugate humanity… And thus, he lynched everyone suspected of being one. Unfortunately, Kyouko, due to her unnatural eyes, fit the bill. Chizuru realized this too late, but due to never keeping the documents Ryouta gave her about his theories, she was never able to prove his guilt. Trying to go to the police led to a small investigation.. but they came up empty handed. Ever since, she’s been searching for some way to prove Ryouta’s guilt, as the murder of her sister is one crime she could never forgive. Current Status Currently, Chizuru lives in a small apartment in Kyoto, as most of her work comes from there, and has spiraled into a slightly hedonistic lifestyle- Though she’s never forgotten Ryouta. She has ties to an organization known as The Purity Foundation, who promised her information on Ryouta in exchange for her acting as a sleeper agent.  POWERS/ABILITIES Boxing- Chizuru has practiced boxing since she was a child, and is thus in peak physical condition for someone her height/weight. She’s capable of delivering powerful blows, but it’s useless against magic of any kind. The Sight- Due to her eldritch blood, Chizuru is capable of seeing things ordinary humans can’t- Ghosts and demons for example. She’s also able to comprehend things normal humans can’t. Enhanced stamina- Due to her eldritch blood and upbringing, Chizuru is sturdier than most, and able to take more hits thanks to her stocky build. Superhuman strength- Chizuru is incredibly strong, and capable of easily lifting things like people (and once, a small car.) This has the unfortunate side effect of making her hyperaware of just how fragile everything is compared to her, so she’s often reluctant to use her full strength.

((I’d like to apologize for the utter monolith that is this bio))

Hello, Cori here! Let’s take a look at Chizuru, starting with appearance. Overall, I’m happy with the amount of details that you’ve given me for Chizuru’s physical appearance. I love the way you’ve described her body shape and her cute button nose. There are a few details missing here and there that I’d like to see clarified. You’re missing Chizuru’s hair color (since she’s Japanese, I’m assuming her hair is black at the moment) and I’m not sure how long her hair is either. I appreciate that you’ve described its messy appearance. Additionally, the mention of her wearing colored contact lenses is a nice detail. All in all, I can form a pretty clear picture of your character in my mind, so good work there! As far as Chizuru’s personality is concerned, there are a few spots that don’t seem to make a lot of sense to me at the moment, especially after I read her backstory. I can understand how someone who went through Chizuru’s trauma could learn to put up a friendly facade and learn how to read the emotions of others, but where did the rest of her social skills come from? How does someone who was abused by her father and neglected by her sister learn to be such a smooth speaker? Does she have any trust issues related to her experiences growing up? I find it a little confusing that Chizuru tries so hard to focus on the positive aspects of people when you’ve said previously that she’s a jaded person with little faith in humanity. How does this affect her outlook when she meets someone new? Does she expect the worst from a stranger, or does she look for the good parts? It also seems like her preference for keeping conversations short would push a lot of people away–they would feel like they were being dismissed. In that way, I have a hard time seeing people ‘flocking’ to Chizuru. You also said that she was ‘unreadable’, which is another antisocial trait that would put a lot of people off. Chizuru might pretend to be friendly to the strangers that work up the nerve to talk to her, but I don’t imagine many people being willing to approach her. I’m curious to know what you mean by Chizuru being ‘childish on occasion’ as well. I’m not really seeing any part of her personality that would exemplify ‘childish’, aside from her stubbornness–which you have already addressed.  I think I’ve covered everything I wanted to address regarding her personality, so let’s move on to backstory. I have a few questions about the content in Chizuru’s backstory–the main ones are about Chizuru and her sister. I’m assuming, based on the information in this profile, that Kyouko is also a half-eldritch creature because of her eye color. If a union between a human and an eldritch horror is so ‘uncommon’, like you’ve said it is, then how are Chizuru and Kyouko both the daughter of an eldritch horror? Do they share the same mother? The same father? How old was Kyouko when she left home? Why would Chizuru’s eldritch mother stay around long enough to have two children and THEN decide to disappear? Or, conversely, maybe Kyouko and Chizuru have different mothers. How did their father manage to meet two eldritch horrors and have a child with both? Or maybe I’m wrong about both, and Kyouko just happens to be a human woman with unusually colored eyes (how did she get her unusual eye color, in that case?). The details regarding Kyouko and Chizuru’s parent figures is confusing! If Chizuru didn’t know about or believe in the existence of eldritch beings before she met Ryouta, what did she think about her own unique abilities? Her silver eyes, her sight, and her strength? You say she dismissed Ryouta’s theory when she got older–how old are we talking? When did her superhuman abilities start manifesting? If she had any inkling that she was ‘more’ than human somehow, how could she dismiss Ryouta’s theory when she heard it? I know that she’s at least aware of her strength, since you said she’s hyper-aware of how delicate other people are (and what does she think about her ability to see ghosts?).

All in all, I’m interested in Chizuru and I want to know how her story pans out, so you’ve succeeded in making a character I want to read about–good job on that! However, there are some conflicting details and holes in this profile that are interfering with my overall enjoyment of this character. I’m having too difficult a time suspending my disbelief. Maybe you have answers to all the questions I had in this profile–in which case, that’s great and I wish those details had been included (even in this ‘monolith’, as you called it–if you think it’s necessary to Chizuru’s story, then include it! I’d rather know more about her relationship with Kyouko than the fact that she likes the smell of rain.). If any of my questions are difficult for you to answer, you might want to consider changing that part of Chizuru’s profile. I know that it’s hard to change things about a character you’ve worked on for years–it took me a long time to work up the nerve to “kill my darlings” in regards to a character I created back in high school. But I think you’ll find that once you cut and change those parts, no matter how attached you were to them at the beginning, you’ll have a much stronger character for it. Good luck! ~Cori

[k8s8-blog]

8 Reasons Why

I was taking a nice, peaceful nap on the couch when my roommate came in and insisted that we watch the new Netflix show that everyone is talking about, Thirteen Reasons Why. Being a bookseller, I know all about the teen book that inspired it so I put a pillow over my head and tried to go back to sleep. But of course about ten minutes in I was asking “who’s that?” and “what’s going on now?” And before I knew it we were binge-watching the show until early morning. 

(For those of you who don’t know, Thirteen Reasons Why is about a teen girl named Hannah who kills herself and leaves behind tapes documenting 13 reasons why she killed herself, all of them placing blame on other characters.)

By the end of the show I was sobbing and could not sleep because terrible images shown in the last episode kept flashing across my mind’s eye. Thirteen reasons later and I was still confused as to WHY. Why does this kind of thing happen? Why did I just watch that? Why did Selena Gomez and co. think that it was okay to put this kind of content on Netflix? Many of my friends suffer from mental illness and this show has been a hot topic over the last few days. Here’s some thoughts I’ve been developing as to why or why not people should be watching this show. I tried to give it a fair shake. So if you’ve been thinking about watching it but haven’t yet, here’s some info from someone who watched all of it. 

Reasons To Watch:

1. The writing in this show is definitely noteworthy.

 I’m tired of reading books like Fault In Our Stars, or watching pretty much any CW show, full of stiff, contrived dialogue between teens that is nothing like what actually comes out of high schoolers mouths today. It’s ridiculous. I was honestly expecting as much from Thirteen Reasons Why but I was pleasantly surprised. Don’t get me wrong, the situation is not exactly realistic and the content being discussed in the show is not commonplace for high school hallways, but the way the teens in the show interacted and talked to each other was actually believable which was refreshing.

2. The acting is fantastic.

I would fully support Oscars going to ANY actor or actress in this show. There was a little bit of over-acting, but that is a given for such a dramatic topic. Overall, every character was multi-dimensional and portrayed phenomenally. The cast drove the show forward, making you want to pay attention and eliciting sympathy for even the most hated characters and anger towards even the most loved characters. There’s no denying 13 Reasons is full of talent.

3. The message of the show is poignant and makes its mark.

The theme of the show is that bullying can have devastating effects yet we are all capable of doing it. Even though it’s easy to basically know that, watching this show makes you BELIEVE it and forces you reevaluate not only the way you see others but also the way you treat others. The message is delivered... again, and again, and again.

4. The show makes depression and mental illness relatable and understandable. 

I have heard some people argue that since the show does not mention mental illness by name most of the time that it is swept under the rug and overlooked. In this case, I disagree. I think that by taking an average teenager going through traumatizing situations that a lot of us have been through and showing her developing deep-rooted reactions to those experiences (which could also be considered undiagnosed symptoms of PTSD or depression), it helps breach the distant way our society tends to look at mental illness. Not labeling Hannah as depressed allows people to better empathize with her symptoms because they are not viewing her as “different” or “other” the way many people view the mentally ill. And I feel like that empathy creates a greater understanding which leads to better and more efficient help in the real world. But I could be wrong.

5. There is relatively diverse casting.

Even though the main two characters were white, the cast was filled with minority actors who did not represent the usual tropes. The best part was that the villain was a straight, white male. This is definitely (at least) a step in the right direction.

6. This show sparks necessary social discourse.

Regardless of how well issues in the show are depicted (that’s a whole other discussion), 13 Reasons undertakes discussing a huge variety of serious issues present in our society, from sexual assault and suicide, to bullying and school shootings, to toxic masculinity and lgbtq+ visibility... watching any episode of this show can begin important conversations we need to be having with each other. I have been engaging in tough discussions with friends non stop because of this show and I believe that anything that creates that kind of social discourse is an asset in some way, shape, or form.

Reason Why Not To Watch:

7. The glorification of suicide is central to the plot.

We all just want to be cared about and remembered after we die. The show presents a girl who no one really understood or cared about until she killed herself and left messages for everyone, making a huge impact and denying anyone the right to forget her. Hell, she’s the subject of an entire T.V. show because she killed herself. You can’t tell me that is not an intriguing concept for many people. But suicide is dark and painful and tragic, not the melancholic yet beautiful subject of the next hipster T.V. series. I appreciated the purpose of the show but worry about the effect.

8. This was hands down the most triggering thing I have ever watched.

There are two graphic rape scenes shown. I can’t explain to you how sick I felt having them on the big screen in my living room. There is no skimming over the details. It was sick and horrible and drawn out in both scenes. 

When the main character kills herself, they show it in detail. You see everything until she takes her last breath, they even show her mother finding the body. This is NOT OKAY. I have never cried so hysterically or sobbed so hard because of a show. It was gross and insensitive and I’m never watching that show ever again.

That’s about all I can think of, folks. 

I hope these eight reasons help you decide whether or not to watch Thirteen Reasons. If I had to sum up in three words whether or not I would recommend watching this show, it would probably be something like NOT WORTH IT, or DON’T DO IT. In the end you’re probably going to watch it anyway, though, so just make sure you 1. have a giant teddy bear with you 2. keep a box of tissues nearby and 3. (most importantly) please make sure you are in the right headspace.

[undeadimpulsereviews]

14-sai no koi (Love at Fourteen)

14-sai no Koi, or Love at Fourteen, is a Josei romance manga from mangaka Mizutani Fuuka; it is currently ongoing and is publishing in Rakuen Le Paradis magazine. It started it’s run back in 2010 and currently has a total of thirty two chapters online; not counting all the extra chapters in between. It started publishing in English, thanks to Yen Press, back in 2014; five volumes are currently out and able to be purchased and the sixth volume is coming some time this year. I found this manga while just randomly searching one day; I read the first couple chapters but never continued for quite sometime. Now I’m as caught up as I can be with the manga currently and thought it be a fitting manga for the month of February. I’ve never read a Josei manga before this one so I didn’t really know what I was in for; it’s not to far from the regular romance I’ve read before, but it’s definitely one of the more mature stories I’ve seen. Not in a dirty or sexual way, but just the way things are handled and how the story is told; allow me to clarify.

Love at Fourteen is the story of two middle school kids who have been friends since childhood; after moving up from elementary school they both started to act more mature around their classmates. This is all an act however, when away from others their childish nature comes out. Yet that’s what they told themselves; in reality they’ve both started to grow up and actually mature, and instead their old playful side was becoming the act. It doesn’t take long for the two of them to take notice of the other; having grown they now see things that normally never caught their attention. To put it simply, they’ve fallen in love; now they must learn what being a couple is like, while at the same time hiding the fact from their classmates so they can keep appearances. Can the two lovers succeeded or will something go wrong, and is this the only love blossoming among the middle school?

I really enjoy the story of Love at Fourteen, it’s so pure and innocent; the romance starts right away, there is no hesitation from either character. Instead of exploring a story of a man or women finding love and trying to obtain it; it’s the story of two individuals who have already started on the path to love and are trying to learn more about it. It’s a great story about middle school kids going through their own puberty in different ways. There are a total of four love stories; there are the main two characters, they start their relationship at the beginning and we follow them through every up and down along the way. There’s a story between teacher and student, student and adult, and the last one I’ll leave because it’s much better when revealed. I love the story between the main two, and the one between the student and teacher I’m also fine with. I find their relationship comical and cute, while at the same time it’s an interesting development as the story progresses. It reminds me a lot of the romance stories with a significant age gap; I feel this is the main reason I don’t really have to much of a problem with it. The one romance I’ve left out is one of my favorites because of the parties involved; it’s pretty predictable but nonetheless heartwarming. As for the story with the student and adult, I’m not a fan; I don’t hate it but as of right now there is no chemistry between the two. It’s another significant age gap, but it’s different from how I feel with the student teacher story. I’m skeptical on where this story will go, given that it’s still fairly early for the two; however, there hasn’t been any interactions that make me want to cheer the relationship forward. Overall it’s a very innocent love story; it’s funny yet mature in what it does. Not every relationship is a hit, but it’s a heartwarming and enjoyable read all the same. Now a mature story is going to need some mature characters right, after all that is the whole frame work of our main duo.

Love at Fourteen has a very vibrant and mature cast of characters, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be childish from time to time. You can see all the main students in the thumbnail I used above; now there are some other students that appear, but these five have gotten the most time to develop over all. Plus there are also the teachers and other adults as well that don’t appear in the image. Our two main characters are the girl with the black hair, Tanaka Kanata, and her friend and love interest sitting beside her, Yoshikawa Kazuki. At the start of the manga they act mature around their classmates, but when with each other they relax and show their true characters. These two illustrate the idea of keeping up appearances really well; they want to look like the mature dependable students to the others when in reality they are just learning what it means to grow up themselves. They have their ups and downs but manage to pull through really grow as not only individuals but as a couple as well. Moving on we have Shiki; Shiki’s relationship is the one I kept secret. She is a friend of Kanata’s but there’s something about her that you start to question. She’s smart but can be a little blunt at times; she’s the quiet studious girl you tend to see reading in the back of the class. Next is Nagai, this is where the student teacher relationship begins. Nagai is the delinquent of the school; he never does his homework and hardly pays attention to his teachers. He’ll sometimes start fights and cause a commotion with other students. The teachers have tried to change his ways and get him to cooperate, but with no luck; that is until they assign the teacher Ms. Hinohara to him. What starts out as honest teasing on Hinohara’s end, starts to develop into a adorable yet forbidden relationship. Lastly we have Ichinose; his relationship is currently in development, but it’s his that I have a problem with. I see from his stand point, but the person he has his eyes on has yet to truly be introduced. I have no idea where the relationship is going and there is no real chemistry between Ichinose and the woman in question. Ichinose is a quiet and straight forward kid, he doesn’t tend to talk with others due to how he grew up. Though seeing this one woman has slowly started to shape his life in different ways from how he’s interacted, to what he plans to do after he graduates. It’s a little weird, I can’t say he’s not developing, but I don’t know if I’ll enjoy said development in the end.Overall most of the characters have developed at a steady pace; while I’m not fan of every development, the manga has done a good job at build upon each character and their corresponding relationship. Lastly comes the visual style of Mizutani’s; how does it assist in telling the story and how does it relate or differ from other styles?

With Love at Fourteen there are some distinct things about the visual style that stand out. It reminds me of any slice of life I’ve read before but certain frames will stand out among the rest. I feel this is due to Mizutani’s character designs; when introduced to our main two characters there are a lot of things you’ll notice that you don’t really see in the average manga character design.

Starting in the first frame with the two main characters, the things that catch my eye is their facial features. Their eyes are certainly bigger than the average human, but they seem a bit more narrow and smaller in terms of the norm. Their head in general is another; I think I’ve gotten use to seeing more rounded chin lines in manga that when I look at the close up of these two and see a more squared or pointed chin it starts to stand out. The facial features in these frames is clearly used to show them acting as the mature adults among the class; you’ll see this every now and then throughout the manga, but ultimately they act differently.

Take this page for example; this scene takes place once the two of them are along with one another; there are so many things throughout this page that really stand out in different ways for me. One thing in particular is Mizutani’s lack of details. Now that’s not meant to be taken as an insult; what I mean is some areas on the characters aren’t as detailed as they could be. Notice, for example, in the last two frames, the mouths of both Kanata and Kazuki; throughout the page it’s either one simple line, or just an enclosed shape. It’s a simple design choice, but it really stands out to me, especially when it’s just a simple line like in the first frame. Mizutani does not fully outline Kazuki’s face head in the first frame, and instead leaves the line open and melds it with the open space of the background. Normally the idea of leaving a line open is seen as something an artist shouldn’t do, but I really like it here, it looks good. One more thing I’d like to point out is the eyes of the character. I pointed them out in the first page, but this second page shows something different that caught my eye. I didn’t take much notice of it while reading, but looking back, Mizutani never clearly outlines the eyes of the characters. In the first page it’s clear where the eyelids are, or at least in terms of the lower part of the eye. Of course our minds will tell us what to see and it will look fine as we read, but when you really stop to look and admire what’s put in front of you can you see the good in both the big and the little details. I really like the design choices of Mizutani’s; it still feels at home with other manga’s I’ve read, but provides enough of it’s own flair as well.

Overall I give 14-sai no Koi an 8 out of 10, it’s a great manga and it’s handle really well. The story and characters develop really well and at a great pace, and Mizutani’s visual style helps provide that mature yet adorable flavor. There are some stories that I’m skeptical about, but given time I might come to enjoy them. I highly recommend this manga to those just looking for a nice innocent romance tale.

Next week will be the last review for the month and that will be on the new Shantae game, Shantae: Half Genie Hero. That will actually release on Tuesday due to the fact that February ends the 28th. Until then however, have a nice rest of your week.

[nh935]

The Adventures of Solaire I: The Ashes of History

The Incredible Yet Accurate Adventures of the Dread Pirate Captain Solaire Ravenheart

Otherwise known as

The Adventures of Solaire

Part Nulla

An Introduction From the Author

If you choose to embark upon the path of bardom, with plans to become one of those traveling minstrels and storytellers that the people love so dearly, you must suffer the company of bards. And if one suffers the company of bards, one quickly finds the same tired arguments played out over and over in every tavern from Dinas to Nestoria. These wearisome debates range the gambit of music composition, story structure, literary devices, and, by necessity, how to best sustain oneself when the only pay one has received in months is five silver pieces handed to you by a rather drunken gentleman who must have mistaken you for someone else. There is, however, a question that defies all category as it simultaneously monopolizes the conversation: what makes a great man?

Ask the question to a group of bards (something you should never do, as bards need little excuse to talk until your ears bleed) and you’re liable to get one of two answers. One: great men are born. They are blessed, or perhaps cursed, with the material of greatness. The very composition of their souls resonate with the essence of “great” and they can do little else but alter the course of history around them as they go through life. Two: great men are made. They are created via circumstance. By some stroke of fate, a great man happens to be born in the perfect cooking pot for greatness and will be shaped and molded by it until he comes out of the oven that is his childhood perfectly “great”.

I detest both of these explanations because they imply that there is some dowsing rod to detect greatness in men, the suggestion being that if all the variables are quantified and calculated, the next truly great man could be located and followed all his life, documented as he begins his assent into history. A bard’s wet dream, I’m sure. As for myself, I believe that there is no point in speculation. If people could be born great, then there we would have found the markers of it and employed them in following around the next great wave of revolutionaries for every baby step of their toddlerhood. If people could be made great, the rich would find tutors to “greatify” their children. As neither of these have happened, we must simply accept that, whatever the trigger is, it is rare and inscrutable, forever out of the reach of us mere mortals.

I bring this up because this debate is sure to spark when talking about the dread pirate Soliare Ravenheart. Was Solaire’s rise to infamy sculpted through his years among the upright and proper Ravenheart family, strengthened upon the death of his mother at an earlier age, and finally detonated upon the loss of his sister and his vow to save her? Or was the foul-mouthed, fleet-destroying, monster-killing, mutiny-crushing, back-stabbing bundle of chaos always there in his heart?

It is human nature to ponder these questions, but seeing as we will never have an answer, I propose a different solution: enjoy the ride instead. Great men are rare, and creatures like Soliare are even rarer. With this in mind, we should take the opportunities to watch these oddities with joy, leaving behind the ponderous debates and relishing in the moment. And even if you are forced to do so through the words of a page and not side-by-side on the deck of a ship as I got to, the statement still stands. Solaire is not a specimen to be studied, he is a singularity to appreciate while it lasts. Do this and the events truly become spectacular.

I speak from experience.

-Patience the Bard

***

Part I

The Ashes of History

Solaire took a few moments to adjust his appearance in the mirror of his room. He needed to make sure that his visage was properly tidied up for tonight. This was no moment of vanity or frivolity, as Solaire had taken to many a time before this night; no this was a matter of great importance. Tonight, he was to confront his father, and as weak-willed and spineless as his patriarch was, Solaire was still a lesser peer in his eyes. If he wanted to make sure he got the truth out of the old man, he would have to employ every trick he knew to inspire through intimidation, starting with making sure he was wearing the face of an angry soul and not of a frightened son.

He took in the features in front of him. The jet black hair on top of his head was nicely combed and straightened away. His eyes, a dark brown that bordered on the voided black of his pupils, flashed a hard and steely look of mercilessness. His snow-pale skin was forming beads of sweat, but he decided that was fine; he could easily pass that off as a sign of rage and not of nervousness.The rest lay mostly in the details of his clothes: an all white-suit, with accents of black, covered with a long overcoat and a slightly-tilted top hat both done in the same style. The specific outfit wasn’t necessary, but it was an outfit that Solaire liked, so he wore it all the same.

Inspection complete, he turned to the two objects sitting on top of his dresser: a large accounting ledger and a larger revolver-style pistol, silver-plated and inlaid with ivory. One for the beginning of the night and one for the end.

For a brief moment, he contemplated what he was about to do. Was it necessary? Surely there were other channels to consider…

He mentally waved the thought away the way one would wave away a gnat. 

Tonight was necessary. Maybe not legally. Maybe not morally. But necessary all the same.

Grabbing both, he swung his door open and entered the long hallway leading to his father’s study.

***

Based on the architectural plans of the original mansion as well as my own visits to the Ravenheart ruins, I can say with great confidence that the hallway Solaire is currently walking down is ninety feet in length (the Ravenheart mansion was truly a spectacle in its day). If he were walking at the average speed of someone his age, he should reach the end of that hallway in roughly twenty seconds. But he’s not. No matter how calloused a person becomes, the weight of patricide is a heavy one, and Solaire has not yet become the devil-may-care creature that once spat in the eye of a kraken. This walk is his phoenix flight, the action that will ignite this transformation, but until then, it will take him a very, very long time to get to the end, so I will take this opportunity to relate some of the history surrounding him and the Ravenheart family in general.

The Ravenhearts have been situated, for the most part, on the Verdune Isle in Dinas. Dinas itself is made up of many islands large and small, as well as the huge continential landmass in the center. The area is famous for its large deposits of mineral and metallurgical resources, but it comes at the cost of its agricultural options. This is especially true when compared to its nearby neighbor of Nestoria, who’s overabundance of the rare flora and fauna used in alchemical preparations and wizard foci created a natural boom in Nestoria’s magical prowess.

Dinas, eager to bridge the gap, turned its attention to technology, ushering in such modern inventions as the magnetic compass and gunpowder firearm. But the area of study most interesting to Dinan scientists was that of transport, for they quickly realized that the gold and silver plentiful on their land was rare in others and that if they could just find a reliable and cheap way to move it, they could make a fortune. They’ve had multiple pet projects, such as the disastrous glider experiments and their own fascination with the newly-created “steam engine”, but the tried and true method they all came back to was sailing by sea. This is the world that Captain Jebidiah Ravenheart was thrust into. Up until this point, the Ravenheart name was a clan of nobodies, appearing in history as infrequent recordings of arrest for petty crimes (with the bizarre exception of one Samuel Ravenheart, who had the note “he knows what he did” written in the arrest warrant). Jebidiah was a man with dreams of ascension, who envisioned leaving his offspring a station in life better than his own. The best way to do that was to join into the rough and dangerous world of sea-captaining, so Jebidiah managed to gain a captain's position at the small shipping company of Wherther, Hershall, and Clarke.

On the surface, Jebidiah was the perfect captain for a sea vessel. He was sharp and commanding, allowing no mischief on his ship and enforcing the rule through pure force of will alone. He was also level-headed, to a degree that was unusual for a sailor. Oh, he was still superstitious, no doubt about that; he made sure to cross himself every time he stepped onto land and would do his best to stay in port if there was a red sky that morning, even if it only was to make sure he didn’t tempt fate. But when something went wrong, he was more likely to try to find the mundane cause, an over-tightened rope, a ripped sail, a warped rudder, than blame the furies or the fates. Yes, overall, he was the perfect candidate for the up-and-coming shipping company’s paybooks, with the exception of one small problem:

Jebidiah was cursed.

At least, that’s what the sailors under him believed. Jebidiah had a strange habit of crashing the ship at some point in the voyage and there was no other explanation they could accept. It was fairly obvious, especially considering that he openly scoffed at the idea of the wind furies and rolled his eyes as he paid tribute to the Sea Foam Mother. Jebidiah might commit to the supernatural safety measures, but his open disbelief also invited disastrous vengeance. Jebidiah had other explanations, of course. According to him, it was his cheapskate bosses trying to pinch pennies on the ships they bought. The canvas for the sails wasn’t thick enough, the chains holding the anchors were too flimsy, and the rudder mechanism was always shoddily built and liable to getting stuck. To his credit, he also had a reputation for getting the product delivered, shipwrecks be damned, going as far as to once row three chests of gold bars eighteen miles in a small lifeboat to complete a voyage, which is why the company kept him on even as his infamy continued to grow.

And grow it did. Sailors are sailors, after all, and the mere hinting of a curse is enough to make them uneasy. Werther, Hershall, and Clarke ended up having to use drastic means to recruit enough sailors for the voyage, first by offering substantial wage bonuses for any man willing to join Jebediah’s ship, but when they no longer had enough money to do that, they resorted to lying at recruitment and disguising Jebidiah with various costumes, which he could only take off once they were far away enough from shore that no sailor would attempt to jump off and swim back.

(If you’ll permit me a small tangent, this did lead to one rather amusing situation when a traveling poet was woken in the night by the sound of screaming men far across the ocean. Disturbed, he asked the tavern owner about it the next morning, and the owner gave a knowing smile and said “that’s the sound of damned men realizing they’re on Jebidiah’s ship.” The following night, he penned “The Fate of the St. Christopher”, which told the story of Captain Jebidiah and his ghost ship. Upon returning to the same port, Jebidiah realized that he had become a legendary specter, despite being alive, and this infuriated him so much he spent two whole months trying to disprove the story, mostly by stumbling into taverns and shouting “I’m not dead, dammit!” Even today, one can still find mentions of “Damned Jeb” by modern sailors, especially around the port towns of Verdune.)

Everything reaches a breaking point, though, and when a particularly expensive transport ship sunk into the waves because, depending on who you ask, the rigging was done far too tight or the Sea Foam Mother had finally had enough of being called a “watery tart”, Wherther, Hershall, and Clarke decided that they had enough of Jebidiah’s sinking vessels and fired the crumugnoedny captain.Jebidiah was far from pleased at this. He cursed out his employers, his crew, and an eldery monk who happened to be standing nearby, then declared “I’ll prove you all wrong!” and stormed off.

***

Soliare took a second to readjust the pistol in his hands. He kept trying to justify the heaviness of the gun, rationalizing it as a simple truth from the design of it. It was a logical claim; the gun was a massive object, weighing nearly twenty pounds and resembling more a shrunk-down cannon than a gentleman’s revolver. The whole thing was inlaid with various water-patterned carvings and coated with silver leaf and the grip and barrel had inserts of ivory set into it. Taken all together, the thing inspired equal parts terror and elegance.

Which had been the point, after all. The Ivory had been commissioned by Jebidiah himself, back when the gunpowder contraptions had been strange and luxurious prototypes. This large revolver, named the Ivory, was the result of years of design, and though Soliare hated most everything the Ravenheart name was attached to, he enjoyed how much the pistol was like him: fancy enough to be taken to polite society, yet large and loud enough to make everyone in the room nervous.

So all in all, it made perfect sense that the pistol should feel this heavy.

It didn’t explain the weight of the ledger, though.

Soliare sighed and took another moment to readjust his grip on both objects.

***

The act of admitting one is wrong is never an easy act to do, so it must have been a particularly painful realization for Wherther, Hershall, and Clarke when their hot shot new captain came back with his third sunken ship report. Worse still, he had allowed a rather large shipment of precise and expensive gears to sink to the bottom of the sea and the reputation of “cursed” was transferring from Jebidiah to their own company. The business men agreed that, colorful though he was, Jebidiah was still the best man for the job, so they set off to find him and beg for forgiveness.

What they hadn’t realized, though, was that Jebidiah was not one to bury grudges easily. While on the hunt for the man, they heard from several people that Jebidiah had spent his time since being fired working on a project he only referred to as “my revenge.” If they wanted to find him, the best place to start was to head down to the port where he kept it, which only gave a feeling of unease to their search. Understandably, they tried to meet Jebidiah at any location other than port, but when it became clear that he wasn’t moving from his spot, the reluctant trio headed there to meet him.

It’s hard to imagine what exactly the three men thought was waiting for them down at the docks, but I don’t think they expected to see a luxury ship.

This, Jebidiah told them with equal parts excitement and anger, was his revenge: proof that he had been right the whole time. He had spent every penny of his savings and a few more besides working long nights at the docks to construct a ship the right way, with decent sails, good rigging, anchors that don’t threaten to snap, rudders that don’t jam up, and so on and so forth. Jebidiah demanded that the three men take a ride with the “cursed” captain, realize the error of their ways, and publicly apologize that they had ever insinuated that the blame rested with poor captaining and not miserly practices.

The men agreed and boarded, and Jebidiah set off, going on and on about how good construction was necessary as the boat danced across the water. None of them heard him, though. They were all too enraptured with the beauty of the vessel. Jebidiah wanted a monument of their shame, and in doing so he had made something that demanded to be looked at.  The entirety of the ship was done in a stunning black acacia wood and carved into the sides were beautiful depictions of nymphs, mermaids, and soaring birds. He had even done over several details in gold leaf. The ship was by far the most gorgeous thing they had ever seen and it was only accentuated by the former captain’s smooth piloting around rocks as it sped through the waves.

Jebidiah ended the tour with a satisfied grin, asking them if they had any questions.

Hershall asked what the ship’s name was.

Jebidiah took off his hat and scratched his head. After a few moments, he decided that it was named the Raven’s Revenge.

Werther asked how much they could buy it for.

Though no one had expected it, Jebidiah walked away from the transaction having made up the money he had spent and gone into debt with plus quite a bit more, still unemployed, and therefore free as a bird.

But Jebidiah’s fortune was everyone else’s misfortune. The Raven's Revenge was immediately implemented into the shipping fleet, and it was there that their new captain, one Jorris Forey, fell in love with it as well. So much so that when he was told that he had to give it up so that it would become Wherther’s personal vessel, he challenged the man to a duel over it. Wherther accepted, but as he was a simple business man and not a weathered captain used to dealing with pirates, he lost the duel rather spectacularly: by taking so many rapier stabs that he bled out before anyone realized he was in any danger. Jorris wasn’t able to enjoy his blood prize, however, because the very next day he was served a legal notice that Mr. Wherther was indeed the rightful owner and he needed to turn the vessel over forthwith. But with no Wherther alive to turn it over to, the boat fell into bureaucratic limbo as Hershall, Clarke, and the surviving Wherthers fought tooth and nail over possession of it. This caused the company of Wherther, Hershall, and Clarke to split into the individual companies of Wherther, Hershall, and Clarke, each quickly going bankrupt without the others’ support.

Jebidiah couldn’t care less. The sale had made him quite a bit of money, and with it, he decided to take a stab at truly upping his station in life, using the capital to start his own ship-construction business. He landed his first client fairly quickly, an established business man by the name of Joseph Barnabas, who had seen the Raven's Revenge as it sailed through the water and wanted something just as flashy and graceful to show off to his friends. Jebidiah constructed the Bolt for him, a wonderfully golden and tiny ship that was the fastest thing to sail the waters of Dinas. Joseph was delighted and immediately showed the boat off to his brother-in-law, Trimbly Mathers, who agreed with Joseph about it being a fine boat, so much so that he stabbed the poor man to death and stole it for himself. Unfortunately for Trimbly, he had committed this act only a few miles away from port, so it wasn’t long before concerned citizens let the Naval Guard know about the act. Murder being murder, he soon had a whole fleet of guardsmen chasing him, and Trimbly, who was not accustomed to the quick speeds the Bolt could reach, crashed his ship upon the cliffs only minutes after gaining it and joined Joseph in the great port city in the sky.

Needless to say, the whole affair became quite the talk of the town for quite a while. But as the stories were told in taverns and ship holds, from Jebidiah’s swearing of revenge to Trimbly’s spectacular screw-up, a certain ritual began to take hold during the telling. For once it was over, someone in the crowd would almost certainly say, “Isn’t that cursed Jebidiah?”, prompting another to go “Yeah. You know, he always blamed the ships for the crashes…” and there would be a nodding and chorus of grunting affirmations, as if the room was full of philosophers who just realized something vital about existence. No press is bad press, as they say, and this definitely wasn’t bad press.

And Jebidiah helped by being Jebidiah. The swearing, gnarled, grumpy old sailor had no problem talking about his boats, or his clients, or his views on said boats and clients. Whenever he was inevitably asked about the fates of his two first clients, he would respond with “That ain’t no concern of mine. The ships are beautiful, the ships are smooth, and that’s my job. It’s your job to associate with people who won’t kill you over a boat.” He had also said the gem “Ships are like women. The good ones are strong and steady. The great ones will get you through a storm. But the best ones do all that while being beautiful and gorgeous.” This was a comment that landed him in quite a bit of hot water with the housewives of Verdune, but, as he once confided with a wink, the housewives weren’t the ones buying the boats, and tracing back the sudden upsurge in ship orders coinciding with the publication of this statement, it’s hard to argue against that logic.

Within the span of two short years, Jebidiah was a man transformed. Before, the man was hardly given a sideways glance unless it was to whisper about his failings. Now, the rich and powerful were flocking to his doorstep, practically begging him to make them a vessel. He spent the remainder of his years filthy rich and loving it, savoring his sweet, sweet revenge.

Solaire knows none of this. By the time he was born, the Ravenhearts had done everything possible to scrub his great-great grandfather from existence. A shame, really. If there ever was an heir to Jebidiah, there would be no man more deserving than the future dread pirate captain.

***

As Soliare continued down the hallways, he took a moment to ponder the aftermath. How would he feel after he killed his father?

Of course, he was hoping he wouldn’t have to find out. Maybe this had all been a big misunderstanding. Maybe the charge in the ledger was something else, totally innocuous, some strange coincidence that they could laugh over one day. Yes, that would be preferable.

But being hopeful is not the same as being a fool. Yes, he wanted that outcome, but he also knew that it wasn’t going to happen. It was far too obvious what that charge in the ledger meant, and this was mostly a formality to rule out the impossible before doing what needed to be done.

So the question remained: how would he feel? Would there be remorse? Probably not; he was doing this in cold blood, after all. Would he feel sadness? Again, unlikely. There was little redeeming about the spineless wonder pretending to be a man currently sitting in his study. Maybe it would be pity. Yes, that was most likely. Pity over the sad creature his father had become, the same one would feel when putting an old dog down.

The pistol at his side softly chimed in with quiet tinks and clicks, more than happy to agree.

***

The phrase “it’s always greener at the next pasture” is a common one amoungst the shepherds of Nestoria. It means that things you want are always more appealing than the things one has. That particular quirk of human nature was exemplified in the next “great” Ravenheart, Alphonse Ravenheart.

Alphonse was not the child of Jebidiah; that distinction fell to Hassan. Hassan was seven when Jebidiah began his construction of the Raven's Revenge, so he knew the significance of what his father had done. He remembered the cold nights spent in his tiny shack of a home, trying to fall asleep so he could forget about the grumbling of his belly, hoping that whatever new shipwreck awaited his father would not be the one to do him in and dreading the month-long wait to hear from him again. Then Hassan woke up one day to discover his father was rich. All of those concerns were gone, now becoming things that happened to other people. He never forgot that, and so dedicated himself to pouring just as much of his soul into the company as his father did before him. Under Hassan, the Ravenheart Shipwriting Industries grew tenfold as he hired mastercraftsmen and apprentices alike, pouring over the accounting reports to find ways to efficincize, enrich, and overall enlarge the business. By the time he was ready to pass the helm along to his son Alphonse, the Industries were truly a powerhouse.

But Alphonse didn’t have his father’s suffering. All he had was his own: the teasing remarks by his peers, the patronizing manners of the men his father did business with, the quiet whispers of  “he’s a Ravenheart, you know” when they thought he wasn’t listening. Alphonse was tired of being rich; what he really, really wanted was to be powerful.

So once the company was in his hands, he set about making it respectable. First, he cut down on the “regular” line of ships, focusing their efforts and capital on the luxury ships. Then he started creating the trappings of an aristocratic family. He commissioned the Ravenheart Mansion Solaire is currently walking down, designed his own coat of arms, and hired enough servants to staff the militia of a small city. Finally, he capped it off with a particularly Ravenheart commodiety: he designed and had built the second Raven's Revenge, larger, grander, and more spectacular than the original in every way.

Once that was done, he set about the arduous task of rubbing elbows with society, no small feat when society treats you with as much respect as they do their stableboy. Alphonse was getting nowhere until he, quite by chance, happened to run across the Lord Minister of Dinas himself, Sir Balaby Wallop. Balaby was quite the outgoing character and he found that the position of elected ruler of the kingdom suited him perfectly; the kingdom really just ran itself, giving him free reign to galavant across the country and be bombastic to everyone he met in the name of “connecting with the people”. Alphonse was one of those people, and once he realized the potential in such a friendship, he insisted on creating and gifting a custom craft for the Lord Minister, the Golden Iris, which he could sail down the coast to meet all of his adoring supporters. The Lord Minister thought that this was just wonderful, just wonderful old boy, and when the Golden Iris turned out to be seconded in beauty only to the Raven's Revenge itself, it wasn’t long until the highest authority in the land was shouting about his great friend Alphonse and he made this for me, didn’t you know?

Society changed its tune then. Begrudgingly, for the establishment can not accept any change non begrudgingly, but changed all the same. After all, no amount of hang ups or rumors about grandfathers could change the fact that this man knew the Lord Minister. That was worth more than gold, and Alphonse loved watching those who hadn’t wanted to give him the time of day ask if he wanted to join them at the old lodge this Saturday.

There was only one potential problem: his children. Alphonse had married a respectable woman, because he saw that’s what an aristocrat does. Then he noticed that the aristocrats all have heirs, so a child was quickly conceived. Those Saturday hunting lodge boys also liked to talk a lot about how the youngest child was so different from the older one, so plans were also drawn up for a second one as soon as they were finished with the first.

But children are not like coats of arms, where one can make one, hang it on the wall, and forget about it until company comes over and compliments it, and worse still, they could be chaotic and unpredictable. Alphonse had worked hard for this station and he wasn’t about to lose it because one of his sons decided to stuff a ferret down the trousers of the Duke of Verdan, so he wasted no time integrating the children into daily life.

And by that, I mean terrify into submission.

Leonardo and Danby Ravenheart were raised into a world of fear and perfection, where obedience was demanded and the difference between a salad fork and a dinner fork was the difference between life and death, for Alphonse had little patience for failure. The switch became his favored method of communicating with his sons, and though this most definitely scarred both boys for life in more ways than just one, it worked: Leonardo and Danby were the most respectable children in all of Dinas. They were polite, respectful, reserved, courteous, well-groomed and dead inside. It was all Alphonse could have ever wanted.

You may think that I am exaggerating, or that I am being too harsh on Alphonse and his supposed motives, but consider this anecdote for a moment: Alphonse once loudly told a group of friends at a dinner party “It’s such a shame that we have to go through this whole ‘heir’ business, giving our hard work over to someone else to screw up later. If I could commission the mage’s college to create a young copy of myself to take over the business when I died, I would.” This statement was overheard by both of his sons, and moreover, he knew they had heard him, because they were standing completely still in the empty, unlit room right next store, waiting for their father to call them into the party so that he could introduce his friends to them.

***

Solaire was staring at a painting on the wall and he had to stop.

Not because it was a bad painting; far from it, it was a stunning depiction of a ship on the waves, tossed about by a storm while one man, presumably the captain, clung to the masts and shouted into the wind. It had been painted by the genius artist De Capis Morgulete and the skill practically leaked from the canvas into the real world. One could almost see the ship bob and hear the winds howl.

This had been a particular favorite of him and his sister’s game of “Stories”. When they were truly bored (something that happened far more often than either would admit), they would walk through the halls and stop at the various masterwork pieces on the walls, each taking a turn describing what was going on and how it had gotten to this point. Most of these were portraits of family that offered little inspiration (with the exception of the legendary rivalry between Hassan the Cabbage Farmer and Alphonse the Chicken Rancher, a tale more spectacular than master bard Leonard Wallace’s “Epic of Florentine”), but this was a classic. The man in the portrait had been a long lost lover, a pirate, a father, a whaler, a prisoner, and a navy captain, and yet here he was, still stuck in the storm.

And here was Solaire, still staring at the painting. He could tell that this was the last shred of civility desperately clawing at his brain, trying to convince him to stay, look at the nice painting, have we ever talked about how great it is to not kill your father? Were he a poet, or a bard, or really anyone with a scrap of romanticism in his soul, Solaire would appreciate the symbolism of the storm and the man inside, but Solaire was not any of these things, and so he was mostly just annoyed at the inconvenience of his ingrained human decency.

But maybe, the little civility shred piped up, we could think about this. I’m sure we could find a way to…

The silver gleam of the Ivory caught his eye, and the water-swirling patterns appeared in his vision.

Solaire moved on.

***

It’s hard not to wonder about how things might have been different sometimes, and the character of Leonardo Ravenheart inspires such questions. What would have happened if fate had chosen a different man to fill in that place in the Ravenheart genealogy? Or indeed, any man at all? For you see, Alphonse had raised a son, but not an heir.

Not that an heir was really needed. By the time the fourth Ravenheart had taken his seat at the helm of Ravenheart Industries, there was really very little for him to do. Jebidiah’s machinations were still working soundly, Hassan’s improvements had made the whole company basically run itself, and Alphonse had climbed it to the top rung it could. The only goal left to achieve was to sit around and wait to become and “old money” family. But until that point, there were a few things that needed to be done, one of which being finding a wife. A respectable woman from respectable society, so that they may be respectable together. And here is the only thing that Leonardo ever did right in his lifetime: he married Caroline Matthelide.

Caroline was a rare creature, especially in the stuffy world that is aristocracy. She was funny, and cheerful, and rarest of all, fun. She was also the daughter of a political family empire, so she was a perfect candidate of respectability, even if she had a bad habit of making the proper men of the hunting lodges blush and mutter under their breaths. He pursued her nonstop until she said yes (I believe that represented the vestigial traces of Leonardo’s spine), and so they were married in a grand fashion and the whole wife business was attended to.

Next, an heir. The relationship was consummated, and it wasn’t long until Caroline’s stomach bulged with the signs of a growing child. Both were overjoyed, and Leonardo was more than content to commit to one child, to spend all of his time and energy on just one son, but the son turned out to be a daughter, and a daughter is not an heir, so Leonardo was ordered back to the bedroom by his dead father. You might think that the last part is a joke, but I have seen Leonardo’s journal squeeze in the words “would have” to the statement “my father told me today” after the fact so many times that I do believe he was actually haunted by the memory of the man (and before you ask, no, it wasn’t a real ghost; Alphonse was cremated). Quite a torture, when you think about it. Soliare would become quite the expert in cruelties, yet I don’t think even he could dream up a fate worse than the inclusion of your dead, disappointed father in your marital bed. I certainly can’t.

Fortunately for Leonardo, the next one was a son (which is good; I don’t think his sanity could take the creation of another child). And since Caroline had gotten to name the first one, he got to name this one. This is how River and Solaire came to be.

But amidst the joy, fate decided to take one more cruel twist. Caroline, the radiant beautiful creature, had gotten ill whilst carrying Solaire, and she never truly recovered. She soldiered on as best she could, but by the time Solaire was six, she could soldier no more; she had become bedridden and delirious and the doctors were no closer to curing or even understanding the ailment than when she had first contracted it. Solaire’s only memory of his mother was standing by her bedside during one of her rare moments of lucidity, River holding his hand, both shedding tears as Caroline struggled to look at each of them.

“You take care of him,” she told River.

“I will, mom” she replied.

“And you take care of her,” she said, turning to Solaire. “There is no bond more important than family.”

He hadn’t been able to respond. All he could manage was more tears.

Leonardo was heartbroken, but as his Bible, “The Guide to Proper Gentlemanship” told him, it is only acceptable to be a widower if it has happened twice in unsuspicious circumstances, so he began to pursue courtship once the proper amount of mourning time had passed (seven weeks, Alphonse helpfully reminded him). And it’s here more speculation arises. What if Caroline had never died? What if he had finally used this moment to throw off the chains and make his own decisions? What if he had married anyone else in the world other than Matilda Dotz? A garden slug, perhaps. At least there would have been more brains in the family that way.

You see, Matilda was from an “old money” family. In fact, the money was so old no one really remembered how they got it, which was a shame because that meant that no one remembered how to make more of it. Mr. and Mrs. Dotz had therefore thrown the standard alarm bells of aristocracy in such situations, which was to make sure as many children married rich families as possible. Matilda was thrilled with the plan. She was raised on a steady diet of champagne and finger sandwiches from social parties. She loved to dance. She loved to gossip. She was born and raised for the ball, and being married to a rich man would mean that she would get to go to more.

She practically stalked Leonardo after his wife died, and after sensing that he was open again, she threw herself into his arms, doing everything short of stripping in front of the man to make him desire her. It didn’t quite work; Leonardo never really became attracted to or interested in the woman. But she was quite obviously open to the idea of marriage, and he was never one to let something as trivial as “self-integrity” stand in his way, so a second wedding took place.

Much of this happened in the background of River and Solaire’s lives, the same way the weather happens to us. Once Caroline had died, the two were mostly left to their own devices. Leonardo would just mumble things like “oh, very nice, that’s good” to them until they left the room, sometimes without even realizing that his children weren’t trying to talk to him, and Matilda was too busy organizing another party to even realize they existed. And so they grew up with quite a bit of money, little to do, and no oversight.

Now history tells us that, in the case of such upbringings, the only guarantee is that the child will grow up to be a wild troublemaker. It certainly worked with Soliare. The boy thrived on disobedience the same way a wizard thrives on a lack of sunlight and it was near impossible to get him to do anything unless the thing was something you very specifically wanted him not to do. In fact, he was so consistent in this that the servants had what was known as a “troublepool”, in which they placed bets on what the newest complaint would be. Popular choices included “stealing from Darthow’s orchard”, “getting into a fist-fight”, “shoplifting from the market square”, and “black powder explosion”, which, though it only happened once, was so spectacular that it made the pool every time afterwards.

River, though, seemed to be cut from a different cloth. The tall, slender, occasionally shy girl spent her days alone, reading alone in her room or out in the nearby meadows sketching landscapes. Her tutors noted her intelligence and quick learning of the creative arts, drawing, piano, prose and poetry, but such comments were wasted on the Ravenheart family; if anyone tried to let her parents know about her potential, they would find Matilda with company and Leonardo not listening. It’s quite a testament to River’s abilities that any of them tried, as most were probably too preoccupied with the fact that Solaire had set fire to his practice books again.

When they weren’t being schooled or pursuing their individual interests, the two spent time together, though those moments are few and far between as the childhood of most brothers and sisters often resemble less the romantic ideals of family than the activities of two enemies forced to share a common roof. And yes, Solaire and River had their fair share of those moments between them. But sometimes opposites make good compliments, and that rule held more often than not for the young Ravenhearts. Whenever Solaire’s adventures journeyed outside the realm of simple boyhood scuffles and into the territory of real trouble, his first call for help always went to his older sister River. And should River retreat from reservedness to withdrawal, it was only Solaire who noticed and only Solaire who found a way to fix it. This is also to say nothing of the invisible ties siblings accrue as they age: the small favors, the preferential treatment, the secrets kept and the inside jokes shared.

One such moment came on a summer afternoon when Solaire came home more battered than usual, so much so that he knocked on his sister’s door for assistance. He had become accustomed to stitching small tears and bandaging cuts, but this was beyond his usual level of expertise. River opened the door, saw her younger brother bleeding onto the nice carpeting, and immediately pulled him inside, washing the wounds out, wrapping the cuts, and attending to the bruises. Only once Solaire was fully attended to medically and she turned her attention to repairing his clothes did she stop and ask what had happened.

“Johnny Mannow and his friends were saying stuff about you. He said you were a ‘stuck up bitch who’s heart was so cold you probably got off with icicles.’”

River sighed. “You aren’t even supposed to know what those words mean.”

Solaire stared at the floor, unable to meet her eye.

She returned to sewing the sleeve back to Solaire’s jacket. “What on earth possessed you to fight him anyways? He’s five years older than you.”

“Not just him!” he piped up. “I went up to all of his friends, and I went ‘Hey! You need to take those things you said about my sister back right now!’, and he just chuckled and punched me, so I punched him back, and then they got around me in a circle and started shoving…”

“They?! Who else did you fight?!”

Solaire looked up at the ceiling as if he was calculating a math problem. “There was Tommy, and Briant, and Zelne, and that one kid who looks like he has a dead pumpkin for a face…”

“You could have gotten yourself killed!”

“I had to! He was talking about you to everyone! I couldn’t just…”

“Listen to me,” River said, putting down his jacket and clasping his hands in hers, “don’t do that again. I don’t care what they say about me, alright? All people like that want is attention, Solaire. They insult people who are weaker than them so that the weak people try to fight back, and when they can’t, they get to feel strong. You refuse to play that game and they deflate like an angry balloon. All I care about is what happens to you. So no more fighting Johnny Mannow, okay?”

Solaire nodded.

“Good. Besides, Johnny is such a moron he probably needs an instruction manual to piss.” She handed him back his jacket and Solaire giggled.

***

There was no hesitation when Solaire had gotten to the doors of the study; he had used all his hesitation up. Instead, he shoved the heavy woods open with so much force that they banged against the walls as he strode in.

“Please don’t do that Solaire” the thin bespectacled frame of Leonardo muttered without looking up. He was bent over a large ledger, writing down lines of tiny neat numbers.

Solaire strode up right to his desk and stared down at him. “Where is River?”

“Hmm?” He looked up at his son. “Don’t you remember? She was married off to Sir Ravenby Dulges of the Dulges family. With the ongoing war with the Kellian Empire, our luxury ships are no longer in demand, and with an alliance to the blackpowder…”

“Blackpowder-manufacturing-family-whose-services-are-required-in-war-we-will-save- ourselves-in-the-short-term-and-set-up-a-powerful-alliance-in-the-future. Yes, I know. I heard you say it a million times when you were convincing River to sell her soul for the sake of the family.”

“Well then, there’s your answer.” He smiled and returned to his ledger.

Solaire slammed his palms into the desk. “Look at me when I’m talking to you, old man!”

Leoardo jumped and stared at his son with wide eyes, throwing his ledger in front of him like a shield. After a moment, he squeaked “I-is this about Dulges? Because I assure you, he’s a perfect gentleman…”

“No this isn’t about Dulges! Gods know what River saw in him to think that this was okay, but she went along with it. No…” he leaned over until he was mere inches away from his face, “this is about the fact that Dulges hasn’t seen her, his own wife, in several months, and when I asked him about it, he said that Matilda told him that River wasn’t feeling too well and that she was staying here, with us, until she got better.”

“You really shouldn’t call her by her first name like that.”

Soliare lunged and grabbed his father by the collar of his shirt, dragging him to his feet. Leonardo yelped. “Alright, alright, I can explain, just put me down please!”

Solaire pushed him, forcing the man to collapse in his chair. “Good. Start with this.” He flopped the ledger onto the table. “Page 149, column 16, row 5.”

“Ah. That.” He pushed the ledger away from him with the tip of his pen as if it was a dead animal. “That would be the payment labeled ‘River’ for 700,000 gold, right?”

Solaire stared pure death at him.

“Right, well, that was a… um… very… large, very generous, reverse-dowry from the Dulges family. All the rage with high society these days. Very nice of them, don’t you think? So why don’t we go down to the garden and....”

He began to rise, and as he did, Solaire raised the large silver revolver until it was pointed right at his face.

Leonardo dropped back into the chair and issued a sound that resembled a mouses’ gasp. “O-o-or n-not! We c-could just… sit here and enj-joy the quiet comforts of the study!”

Solaire cocked back the hammer of the gun. “Tell. Me. The. Truth.”

“I…” Leonardo gulped. “The war with Kellia hit us harder than we thought it would. We all thought it’d be over by the end of the year, but when it didn’t, the orders started dropping faster than we could adjust for. I looked over our expenses and tried to convince Matilda that we needed to buckle down, cut back until things were rosier, but she made quite the observation! She pointed out that River was around the age where she really should be getting married, and that Duldges had taken quite a fancy to her, and that surely everyone needed black powder now that we were all fighting! Quite ingenious, don’t you think?”

Solaire didn’t say anything.

“R-right… Well, we had the big wedding, and then Matilda went to the Senior Duldges with the proposition that we should all have a big ball to celebrate the union between these two powerful families; you know how she loves parties and balls, heh heh… Ahem. Anyway, he said no, because we were at war, and they needed to use all of their capital to expanding production so they could help out the Dinan Navy. I mean, good for him, have to respect a patriotic man, but that put us in quite the pickle, didn’t it? We still had quite a bit of money we needed to make up. A-and that’s when Matilda remembered that one of her friends visiting from Nestoria had told her that there were certain… markets that specialized in hard to sell commodities, and that there were always a… demand… for well educated… pale skinned…”

“You sold her” Soliare interrupted. His tone wasn’t angry, or in disbelief, but instead a depressed resignation, like a man hearing the news that a loved one had finally passed away from a terminal disease. “You sold her into slavery.”

A deathly silence filled the room, as if it were a cat settling in to watch an injured bird.

Leonardo’s face softened. “Look, Solaire…”

He turned to face his father.

“I know you two were close, but she’s probably fine. They said the people who…”

Solaire squeezed the trigger and the pistol exploded into an earth-shattering roar, rattling the windows in their frames and causing the loose papers in the room to take flight into the air. As they did, the top half of Leonardo’s head disintegrated into pink mist. For a second, the half-decapitated body leaned backwards, almost as if it was turning to look up at the new crimson layer painting the back wall of the study, before falling forward onto the desk, pouring a lake of blood onto the surface. He let the arm holding the pistol fall to his side as his body filled with a quiet rage.

So that’s how it felt.

For a moment, he thought about beating the body, swearing at his late father for being a disgusting waste of human material, but the Ivory had proven catharsis enough. There was only one person left to deal with and somehow he doubted he’d feel anything killing her.

***

Matilda was in the ballroom, staring intently at a pink vase with blue flowers and a blue vase with pink flowers. Soliare walked in, sat down on one of the chairs, and waited for her to turn around, but after waiting a minute and realizing that she wasn’t going to, he cleared his throat.Startled, she turned around and saw him. “Oh! Saltmare! I’m glad you’re here! There’s something very important I need to talk to you about.”

“Solaire,” he corrected.

“Right, right, now…” she held up the two vases. “Which one do you think looks better? Be honest, the color scheme hinges upon this decision.”

He regarded the vases for a moment. “Blue vase.”

“Really?” She furrowed her brow and put it back on the table.

“Matilda, do you think River is alright?”

“What?” She sat down next to Solaire and hugged his shoulders. “Of course she is. I know what’s going on is scary and that you’re worried about your sister, but everything’s fine.” She gave a warm smile and walked off to another table, humming to herself.

Solaire sighed and stood up. “Of course. I don’t know what I was expecting.”

Matilda laughed. “It’s alright. It’s perfectly natural for you to be concerned about your sister, now that she’s married and out of your…” She turned around to see Solaire pointing the massive gun straight at her stomach, all color draining from her face.

“I figured maybe I could get an explanation, a reason why, but there is none, is there? Might as well not drag this out.”

“Solaire, please…”

“Please what? Give you a chance? Maybe I should try marrying you off before checking an estimate on the slaver’s market, see if either of those are more profitable than just killing you?”

Matilda was now crying. “Please, just put the gun down. We can talk about this. Don’t kill me with your family’s own pistol.”

“Hmm? Oh don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you with the Ivory.” He raised the pistol just high enough to put the barrel out of range of his step-mother.

Relief washed over Matilda’s face.

“Tell father I’ll be down after I fetch River.” The pistol swung down and exploded once more as a large hole materialized in the center of Matilda’s stomach, sending her flying backwards to land and slide on her own blood and viscera, spreading a long streak of red and dark-brown as her body slid across the smooth wood floor, stopping to rest with a shocked expression in her glassy eyes.

Solaire held the pistol up to the light, watching it dance over the water-pattern engravings on its surface. It was now the Ivory River, and that, he thought, was a small but important difference, because that meant that it was his, and no longer beholden to any other Ravenheart.

Much like himself.

***

For the sake of brevity, I will skip over the next few hours or so: the long washing period Solaire spent riding his clothes and skin of blood, the meticulous spilling of alcohol, the long journey down to the meadows and the backbreaking eternity spent digging the hole. Instead, I will skip to this moment, as Solaire finishes covering the hole that now hides most of his family fortune under feet and feet of dirt.

He stood, wiped off his hands, and searched for his lantern nearby. It was dark out, but fortunately it managed to glint of the light provided by the burning Mansion Ravenheart. He grabbed it and headed towards the family docks.

The plan was simple. Find River. Once he had her back, he’d set her up as the head of the family Ravenheart and let her live her life, the way she should have in the first place. In the meantime, Danby could manage the business. He could at least run it without resorting to human trafficking, even if it would be a tiny bit smaller when he got back. River could decide if she wanted to have a go with that whole Duldges thing if the loss of money upset her. And should he die, the note in his jacket and the treasure he buried should assure she got rescued anyway. No way anyone in their right mind would turn down that amount of money, and the only way they could get it was if they asked River where their favorite spot to play was. Not that he planned on dying; the only way he could make sure this whole rescue didn’t get screwed up was if he did it.

As a breeze wafted over the ocean, bringing with it the sweet smell of salted waves, Solaire couldn’t help but smile. Yes, he was still upset over the whole affair, but he could also taste something else, the same way one tastes a strange content after indulging in a long cry. It was the taste of independence. No more ledgers, or balls, or polite society, or proper english, or blackpowder families. Just his wits and his luck, alone together to make or break himself, and though he doesn’t know it, he is heading the siren’s call of the sea that Jebidiah and countless other sailors have answered before him: the beaconing of true freedom.

He shook his head. Not now, he needed to focus. There hadn’t been much of a paper trail, so this was going to be a long road ahead. After climbing aboard the Raven’s Revenge (Forlorn Rose, he decided, it’s mine now, so it’s called the Forlorn Rose), he held the lantern up and read the page from the ledger he had confronted his father over a lifetime ago.

“River, 700,000 gp, added to Ravenheart Family Fund. Paid by X, Cosigned by Mr. Weiss.”

Mr. Weiss. That was a start, at least.

[sdmilnesjournalba2a]

Our first session back into life drawing went reassuringly okay, it was nice to have the extra time in a longer session to get more drawing done, and a greater mix of long and short poses. I decided to complete my first four drawings in charcoal to avoid the temptation of becoming too ordered and focused on details and to add looseness to my drawing.Overall I was pretty pleased with how they turned out, I feel I captured the poses well and got the proportions pretty well, especially in the second two where I’ve obviously settled into it and got my in a little more. On review Peter suggested that using charcoal was a little limiting in the small spaces I had assigned for each drawing so I switched to a chalk pastel to give me a small amount more control and precision. The first one has odd proportions especially round the legs which probably comes from the drawing being too big for the space and me therefore trying to fit everything on the paper. The second fits better in the space and as a result is better proportioned, I tried to focus on adding elements of shading during the time too.

We then tried a couple of standing poses, to really test our sense of proportion, which worked less well, in the first the proportion of top, shoulders and legs is off and the second just looks really incomplete. The back leg was really hard to get right, due to the foreshortening on it, hence the large amount of smudging around it.

The next series of poses began at around 2 minutes in duration and by the end were limited to to 10 seconds. This is one of my favourite exercises to do in life drawing because it’s such a raw way of capturing the figure. Some will always go wrong and look bizarre, but others manage to capture the figure in only a small selection of lines. The two on the left in the top image, the kneeling pose in the third, and the couple of drawings in the top right of the final image are some of my favourite drawings I produced that have this economy of line yet comprehensive description of the pose.

These last two images were longer, 15-20 minute poses where we were allowed to choose how we approached them. Recently I was planning to work on some Inktober drawings for the first time and had planned out what I was doing for it. What I wanted to do involved this technique, laying down a rough sketch with chalk pastels to describe key shapes and shadows of the figures and then going over in pen afterwards, so I decided to try it out in the life drawing session. The aim here was to produce neater pen drawings over a slightly abstracted layer while not being constrained by the shapes laid down already when drawing over the top. It also meant I was able to quickly get down the proportions and size of the figure and work more on details. Largely I think it worked, and it’s definitely something I’d try again. The biggest errors I made are where I obviously lost concentration and didn’t adjust my drawing from the pastel layers, chiefly the size of the head in the second drawing, which I didn’t pay attention to the scale of in comparison to the rest of the figure, and the join of the shoulder and chest of the first one, with the size of the chest being noticeably thin. I would also question the proportion of the legs in the first one. What I do like is the overall effect produced by the technique and the amount of time I was able to have when capturing details, particularly the suggestions of faces on both and the feet in the first and hands in the second. These are often details that are hard to capture in shorter time limits and I often leave as very vague shapes, or just cut them off so it was good to be able to pay attention to them and draw them well.