#the end is obviously nonsense but i think it does read differently coming from a gay man

[ufonaut]

The aggressive content of comic books is so conspicuous that most observers fail to notice that this aggression is rigidly channelized, that the willingness of any reader to accept a fantasy escape from his frustrations presupposes a willingness to achieve less than total and actual escape. Like all other forms of dreaming, literature operates under a censorship. And this censorship -- in both its legal and internalized expression -- does not allow any direct, total attack on the frustration that elicits the dream. It offers a choice.

- Love and Death: A Study in Censorship (1949), Gershon Legman

Five years before Fredric Wertham’s infamous Seduction of the Innocent essay and the subsequent spark of anti-comic sentiment that nearly killed the industry along with the introduction of the Comics Code Authority and the Senate Subcommittee Hearing into Juvenile Delinquency, Gershon Legman had explored similarly sentiments in Love and Death: A Study in Censorship (1949).

The belief that the violence of pre-code comics was harmful to children and the approach of the ‘Superman model’ as inherently fascist explored in Legman’s work would form much of the basis for Wertham’s later criticism and the crusade against comics. Interestingly enough, Gershon Legman is widely believe to have been gay himself.

[ckret2]

Reading the book I couldn't help but notice how weirdly touchy Bill is when it comes to his previous romantic relationships. He stops himself from talking about his exes and loses his cool whenever the topic is brought up. What's up with that?

Bill is a toxic, controlling person who's perfectly charming and likable (albeit manipulative as the devil) when he's getting his way, but the moment he isn't getting his way, he gets abusive—emotionally, verbally, physically, psychically...

Look at his relationship with Ford: regardless of whether you interpret that as romantic or platonic, Ford is somebody he liked enough that he went on a bender that ended with grossly sobbing in a fast food restaurant when their partnership fell apart; and yet, as much as Bill liked Ford, when Ford refused to do what he asked, Bill had no trouble mangling him, publicly humiliating him, getting him in legal trouble, attempting to emotionally torment his brother, and threatening worse. That's what he does to a person he likes.

Do you think he was any kinder when he didn't like what his lovers did?

I think every one of his relationships ended not just badly, but SPECTACULARLY horribly. "Hours long screaming match" horribly, "break all the furniture" horribly, "quickly and secretly moving out while Bill's distracted" horribly, "looking up how to file a restraining order from the hospital bed" horribly. Bloody Mary ghosting him is probably one of the softest breakups he's had (and I suspect it's because she saw the red flags and ran before Bill could show his worst side).

NONE of those breakups were amicable. All Bill's exes hate his guts—the ones that survived him, anyway.

And I'd bet you anything that how abusive he got correlated with how much he loved them. (And let's not have any "but that isn't REALLY love" nonsense—performing love as an action and feeling love as an emotion are two different things, and abusers are capable of feeling love for someone they think they've got the right to hurt.)

The more he likes this person, the more it matters to him that they stay forever in the little box he's put them in and the farther he's willing to go to ensure they don't defy or leave him. The more he loved them, the more he hurt them, and the more devastating the breakup.

But if he liked them that much, then the fact that it's OBVIOUSLY his fault wouldn't make getting dumped hurt less. Getting dumped is the thing he was trying to prevent by making them too scared to leave!

All Bill's memories of his exes are memories of people he loved telling him how much they detest him and cutting him out of their lives. Of course he doesn't want to talk about it.

Bill says himself, "love is just the pupa stage for hate." In his experience, that's how it always ends.

[olderthannetfic]

You've encountered site changes over time as a fan elder, what do you make of Tumblr potentially being put out to pasture? Tumblr was my coming of age fan site, and im looking for advice to transition to the next thing with grace and less bitterness than I feel now.

--

Ahaha. God, you should have heard the howling about LJ. "Fandom is over!" "Never again shall we dwell in fandom's True Home!" etc.

Hell, this endless "only LJ was good" crap turns up in replies here on posts where I as OP have very clearly laid out why that's rose colored glasses nonsense and you can so make friends on tumblr, have a conversation on tumblr, etc.

I had my crabby phase about this during the transition from Yahoo Groups to LJ. A lot of the real olds had it over paper zines and the transition to the internet.

I don't know if reading these hilariously samey old posts would help. It does give perspective, I think.

--

As for what you should do, do what I did with Tumblr:

1.

Look around to identify the Next Thing fandom is going to camp out on.

It may take a few guesses and some time to figure this out. You will likely not be an early adopter. Fandom was well established here by the time I joined at the end of 2010. Of course, by now, all those 2009 and before accounts are long gone, but at the time, I was a n00b joining other people's space despite having been in fandom for ages.

2.

Don't expect to enjoy it

I didn't join tumblr because I liked it. In fact, I despised it. I kept right on despising it until a brief stint in Sherlock fandom, a fandom that was so active here at the time that I was able to finally see the good aspects of the site's structure and features.

This is the mistake a lot of people make. They give things a cursory try, don't enjoy them, and go "not for me", forgetting that the last site also had a steep learning curve that was either difficult or that they didn't notice because they were in a different phase of their life.

Bitterness and grief are, frankly, an inherent part of the process. You can try not to be a debbie downer in your public comments, but you can't just not feel those things during the awkward part of the transition. Sometimes, acting positive and cutting off excessively negative thoughts can make you feel less negative overall, but it doesn't happen immediately.

3.

Accept that feeling cranky and old is both a you problem and a state of mind, not a property of the new site

Relatedly, the way we remember fandom platform X feeling usually has more to do with us being in college with fandom friends down the hall or having discovered Our People for the first time or some other time when we had a lot of energy and positive emotions. Often, we were in the throes of a first or new fandom love too, probably for some megafandom that other people also cared about at the same time.

When fandom is leaving some site, there's a grieving process anyway, but we're also often in a worse part of our lives for starting new things. We're busy. We're tired. We're between fandoms. We feel like we already paid our dues to build up our community. Why should we have to start again?

But let me tell you, you always need to start again eventually. I go to a weekly vidders' zoom chat, and a lot of the people in there are old as balls, including Kandy, the person who invented vidding back in the 70s. She's a lot of decades and a few cancers in, and she had to relearn how to vid on a computer after transitioning from slideshows to VCR vidding back in the day. If bad health, platform changes, and dead friends were going to stop her, she'd be long gone.

It's like sharks: you stop swimming, you die.

This isn't just about fandom, obviously. It's about avoiding a midlife crisis and, later, about avoiding feeling emotionally geriatric even when your body is falling apart.

Change gets us all, but being mentally old is a choice. The real reason I gave tumblr such a try was that I had been so resistant to getting on LJ. I was 20. Even a year later, it was fucking embarrassing to have been a crotchety old hag as a college student. I promised myself I'd soldier through the next change instead of dragging my feet about it. And it totally worked in the end! But boy did it not make the transition any less unpleasant emotionally!

4.

Find your joy

As is obvious from the above, the vast majority of the problem is just emotions. Fandom has been on a million broken sites with shitty features. We go where the people are, regardless of whether it has the technological aspects we liked at the last place. The actual shape of that platform is largely irrelevant.

What does matter is whether we as an individual fan are still excited and happy about something. I was between fandoms recently and went looking around for BL series I hadn't watched yet. People kept suggesting things set in the present day with too-cheesy production values and too many banal schoolboys in modern day settings without even anything spicy going on. I realized that the BL/danmei scene wasn't really cutting it for me and I should go for production values and genre and non-canon ships. You probably scrolled annoyedly past the picspams that resulted.

(Of course, hilariously, someone has now shown me the trailer of Red Peafowl, so someone may be making BL that feels like it's for me after all. Look at all that badwrong and very dark color grading.)

When you're in a good place emotionally, it's a hell of a lot easier to weather any change, and when you have a new fandom, it's a lot easier to connect with other fans.

A lot of people wait around for lightning to strike twice. They found their first fandom by accident, and they expect it to happen seamlessly again. For me, it's far more productive to brute force it: collect up a big list of what's popular or what's new and go through it till you find things you might like, then try them all.

And part of this, obviously, is not waiting for other fans to make the party happen. The more you need to join something other people are already doing, the less choice you'll have in fandoms or in platforms. If you aren't picky and just go where the tropey longfic is, that can work, but even then, favorite authors disappear or go to fandoms you hate and former megafandoms dry up. If you're the one bringing the party, it's a lot easier to find a new fandom or platform or community to have fun in.

[klausysworld]

Okok, I have never requested before but I first just want to say I literally have never seen anyone that captures the characters of Tvdu so well. I mean you truly are gifted it genuinely feels illegal that I get to read your stuff for free so thank u fro making my nights much more exciting. Ok so I wanted to request like a klaus mikaelson smut but like the reader is real shy and he wants to try smt new and then they end up doing a 69. Obviously only if u want to I mostly just wanted to show my love for you ❤️❤️

New positions

I swallowed nervously as Klaus’ hands slid up and down my body under my shirt. He had been insisting on trying something with me I hadn’t done yet. I was a virgin when I met Klaus do everything I had done with him was new, he was very supportive and helped me become more comfortable with the physical aspect of out relationship. Though I still got anxious.

His lips left my neck and he looked down at me from his kneeled position on the bed while I mimicked his stance and tilted my head up at him. His fingers traced the spot his mouth had been sucking at as his eyes gazed into mine.

His lips pulled up to a small smile as his hands fiddled with the v-neck of my top. His knuckles brushed over my cleavage making my heart speed up slightly.

I moved my arms through the sleeved and lifted the shirt over my head. His smile became more lopsided as his eyes trailed down my upper body.

“Do you trust me, my love?” He asked as he pulled the straps of my bra down my arms. I nodded slowly and he smiled “then trust me when I promise you that you will enjoy what I have in store for you” he hummed and I smiled up at him nervously

“Okay” I whispered and he smiled while unclipping the bra from behind me and taking it off of me entirely. “What is it that you want to do?” I asked quietly as his hands began to fondle with my breasts.

“Something you’ll enjoy” he murmured “I can promise you that sweetheart”

“Is it a new position or is it new…toys?” I asked quietly with a growing blush on my cheeks at the memory of the last time he had convinced me to do something new.

He chuckled lowly and pressed his lips to my forehead tenderly “a position, this time, sweetheart” he revealed

“Do you want me to be on top again?” I whispered “y-you know I wasn’t great at it and-“

“Nonsense my lovely, you were brilliant” he cut me off as his thumbs circled my nipples slowly “and you had a good time, did you not?”

“I- of course I did but you-“

“Believe me sweetheart, it was incredibly pleasurable for me too” he told me quickly “now I want no more of this doubt love, you are going to be magnificent” he hummed with a smile while his eyes glanced between mine and the hardening nipples he was now pinching and playing with.

“Does…does that mean I am on top?” I asked meekly while holding in any whimpers that threatened to escape as he licked his thumbs and rolled them over my erect nubs.

“Yes love, you will be but in a different way than you may think” he tells me but only confusing me further

“What d’you mean?” I asked with a small moan when his head went down and he kitten licked over the nipples

“Well I would tell you the term but I don’t believe your innocent little mind would know what I mean” he murmured. He sat back up right and took my face in his hands, “you remember when I had my face between your gorgeous thighs love?” He questioned and I nodded “well it’s a little like that. You’ll be sat on my face sweetheart” he stated rather confidently

I could feel my face getting hotter as his eyes remained on mine “how…how is that good for you?” I asked confused and he smiled

“Well, if you are to feel comfortable enough…” he cleared his throat and rubbed my shoulders, his jaw clenched and unclenched as he thought over his next words

“What is it?” I asked quietly

“I don’t want it to come across as vulgar or demanding…I wouldn’t expect you to if you didn’t want-“

“You want me to put my mouth on you too?” I asked. I had only done it once, it was the only other time he had seemed hesitant to ask something of me.

“Yes…would you do that for me sweetheart?” He questioned, his tone softer. I nodded shortly and he smiled with a gentle look in his eye. “If you are to change your mind then I will still take great enjoyment with you riding my face” he added with a grin making me groan quietly and lower my head in embarrassment.

His hand patted my hair as he let out a soft chuckle. “What happens if-“

“Hush my love, nothing bad will happen. You’ll enjoy it, I promise you” he kissed my lips lightly and pulled me on top of him as he let himself fall back against the bed. I let out a giggle as I lay on top of him, my face in his neck and his hands on my bare back. His fingers lazily ran up and down my spine making me shiver against his. His hands smoothed down to my ass and smacked it playfully making me squeak and hold onto his henley. “I do wish you wouldn’t wear underwear when you’re at home with me” he muttered while unzipping my skirt

“You’d rather i didn’t wear anything at all” I giggled, I could sense his smirk as he kissed the top of my head

“I most certainly would not complain”

I nuzzled the crook of his neck as my skirt and panties were removed from my body. I lay completely naked on top of his fully clothed body, it seemed to be a rather common occurrence if I’m honest.

“You still have your clothes on” I whispered

“Mhm is that an issue my dear?” He murmured back and I nodded

“It’s not fair”

“You didn’t mind it last time” he uttered and i could feel my face getting redder.

“That was different…you distracted me” I mumbled and he hummed

“Alright sweetheart, I’ll make it even for you” he pulled my chin up and pecked my lips several times making my eyes shut for a moment before he rolled back on top of me. I looked up as he pulled his henley over his head and my eyes danced down his body. I glanced to his darkening eyes before back down as his belt was thrown aside and his jeans were pushed down his legs and kicked off.

“Can I help?” I whispered glancing to his boxers which barely contained his erection as he tossed his socks and pulled me back above him.

“Of course you can my love, you always have free reign of my body” he pulls my head down and I kissed his lips gently before he moulded them together a little harsher. His hips bucked up so his covered cock would knock against me to make me whimper into his mouth.

I pulled away from before his tongue could get inside making him growl softly as his hands moved to grip my hips. “You make it so hard to keep any control of myself love” he mumbled with his eyes fixed on my lips.

I kissed his lips once more lightly before leaving a trail of them from his jaw to the waistband of his boxers. Fingers laced through my hair before it was pulled back into a loose ponytail “hairband” he whispered and I slipped it off my wrist for him to tie my hair up. Once up and out the way his hands slid on top of mine and we both pulled his briefs down in one swift motion. Despite having seen him a few times before, each time left me entirely speechless as his generous cock sprung up to smack his abdomen. I swallowed nervously and hesitantly neared it though his hand cupping my cheek caused my movements to pause.

His thumb brushed along my jaw back and forth, my vision lifted to her eyes in question “not quite the position you need sweetheart, nearly but not quite” he pulled me forward gently.

I crawled back up his body and he sat himself up on his elbows. “Spin around my lovely” he instructed while his hands reached for my hips. I could feel my heart beating faster as I turned around so my knees were either side of his head and my hands were either side of his hips.

“Klaus…I- Im not sure…I don’t think..”

“It’s alright love, if you change your mind that’s perfectly okay, can you just try it? You will most likely enjoy it sweetheart” he encouraged while gently pulling my hips down

“Okay…” I whispered

“That’s it sweetheart” he murmured, his breath fanning over my inner thigh before I fully sat on his face like I knew he desired me to. Though my hips quickly flew back up when his hot mouth cupped my pussy making him chuckle and pull me back down.

His tongue slid along my folds making a breath of air leave my lips and my head go fall forward making me take notice of his leaking tip just before me.

I nervously lowered myself to lay my breasts against his abdomen and brought my hand up to stroke him slowly as I squeaked out a moan as warmth enveloped my clit. “Klaus-“ I whispered as he nibbled lightly

“Come on sweetheart, you can do it” he muttered before his lips pressed kisses along me.

I whispered a breathy “okay” as I brought my lips around his tip and rolled my tongue over it. His instant groan spurred me to do so again resulting in a strong vibration to shoot through my core. I moaned in response and pushed my head down until he hit the back of my throat and my eyes watered.

His tongue slithered inside me making my hips roll against his mouth and a muffled cry to flow frown my throat through his dick. His own hips bucked up and I choked lightly around him earning an unapologetic “sorry” from him before he got right back to where he was.

“Oh god” I breathed as I pulled my mouth off him though my hands continued to jerk him quickly. A shiver ran along my spine and my eyes barely kept open as I ground myself against him. His tongue was fast and calculated with each movement, his hands griping my hips and ass bruisingly hard as his hips continued to jump to my hands. I bring one of them to lightly fondle his balls like I had learnt he liked.

My lower abdomen burned in a delightful way that had my lips trembling as they ghosted his dick once more. I brought him past them and sucked a little harder than I had before in an attempt to make him feel as good and he made me.

I swallowed around him. And took him deeper as I felt him brush that special spot inside me that he somehow always found. I could envision his smirk as my clit was rubbed at the same time and his hands helped my movements back and forth over his face.

A puff of hot air was blown onto me as my cheeks hollowed and I slid my mouth up and down his length like the last time he showed me to. A string of incoherent noises vibrated through my lower body making breathy cries to leave me and rolled through him.

I could feel my thighs begin to shake as every nerve in my body set ablaze. My gasp caused me to choke on him again which apparently pleased him as he groaned loudly and sucked at my clit so much that I couldn’t stop myself from cumming no matter how much I might’ve tried. And with that I felt his balls grow tighter in my hand before hot fluid hit the back on my throat and my ass was patted repeatedly before smoothed over as his tongue slipped all along my thighs. I swallowed a few times, my mind feeling hazy as I hesitantly pushed myself back up onto all fours and crawled off him to lay beside him.

His arm pulled me into his side so that his other could wrap around me.

“Not so bad was it my love?” He murmured with a smirk stretched across his face making my face heat up.

“I liked it” I whispered shyly and he hummed

“I’m glad you did y/n, now lets get you back on top hm?” He pulled me back over him and sat up slightly

“Again?” I asked nervously

“Can’t have my girl going on only one little orgasm now can I?” I tilted his head as his face held a faux offended expression as he got me to straddle his hips and guided his still hard dick inside me.

“Klaus…” I whispered and he grinned

“Be a good girl for me now sweetheart”

[theniceandaccurategoodomensblog]

Good Omens and The Crow Road

I read the novel The Crow Road by Iain Banks—the book Muriel is reading at the end of season two episode six and the book that hints at the events of season three.

My thoughts are under the cut. You can also read it on AO3 here. Obviously it includes spoilers for The Crow Road.

The Crow Road

The protagonist of The Crow Road is Prentice McHoan. He is a young man (early twenties) and, personally, I found him to be a bit of a dick though he does mature over the course of the book.

The book meanders and leaps about in time, telling the story in a non-linear way and with switches in point of view. This means that the relevance of events is often not clear as you read them, only becoming clear later on.

The title The Crow Road is a metaphor for death as the novel introduces early on that “he’s away the Crow Road” is a way of speaking of someone being dead.

There are three key story arcs:

(1) No one has spoken to or seen Prentice’s Uncle Rory for years. Rory is Prentice’s globetrotting Uncle who became famous because he wrote a bestselling travel diary as a young man. Rory’s ambition is to write a serious novel he called “The Crow Road”. No one knows where Rory is but Prentice’s father believes that he is still alive because he regularly receives match book covers from different locations all around the world. He believes that Rory is the one sending the match book covers because Rory once confessed to him that as a child he lit a fire that accidentally burned down a barn. Prentice becomes increasingly obsessed with what happened to Rory.

(2) Prentice is estranged from his father and he struggles with this. The estrangement is over belief in God. Prentice’s father is a communist and an atheist. When a friend of Prentice’s dies tragically, Prentice decides that there must be an afterlife and hence a God. The estrangement begins and he moves in with a religious Uncle.

(3) Prentice has an intense and unreciprocated infatuation with a young woman called Verity and does not handle it well when Verity becomes an item with his own brother Lewis. Seriously ridiculous childish drama here. Prentice complains about this all many times and at length to Ash, another young woman who is a more patient friend than Prentice deserves.

Here’s how each story arc lands (obviously this is the big spoiler bit for The Crow Road):

(1) Prentice eventually works out through reading a rough draft of Uncle Rory’s novel that Rory was murdered by another of Prentice’s Uncles for realising that that Uncle had previously murdered his own wife (and Prentice’s Aunt) in a car crash by undoing her seatbelt. The match book covers were being sent to Prentice’s father by a friend of the murderous Uncle to convince him that Rory was still alive. Rory’s body is found in a lake. It is all quite proven as far as Prentice is concerned but the murderous Uncle dies and hence there is no sense of justice, just a mystery solved.

(2) Prentice’s father dies while climbing a church spire by being struck by lightning and falling. At the point of his death Prentice and his father are still estranged. In the end, after solving the mystery of Uncle Rory, Prentice decides that there is no afterlife and no God. Prentice hopes that his father died knowing that he wouldn’t be a fool forever.

(3) Prentice’s brother Lewis marries and has a child with Verity. Prentice finds peace with this and realises that he actually loves Ash, the patient friend who has been listening to his nonsense for years.

Prentice and Ash sleep together and confess their love—I kid you not—in Morse code during sex with a series of squeezes and pushes. Yeah. Sometimes I think we come up with weird stuff in fanfiction and then I read a published novel and… but I digress. Point is, they are in love and they both know it. Prentice is finally growing up. But Ash planned to spend time in Canada and she goes anyway (good for her) saying that if Prentice does love her then they can still be together and simply continue when she returns. That’s where it ends which might sound sad but it actually feels mature and real after Prentice’s carry on with Verity. There’s a general feeling that Prentice has finally grown enough himself to make a relationship work and they are both starting that relationship right.

Implications for Good Omens seasons three:

(1) Good Omens has also been jumping about in time. The story is not being told in a linear manner. I suspect that there are scenes we’ve already seen where the meaning of those events won’t be clear until sometime in season three. I suspect that there are missing pieces to the overall story arc that will also be shown in season three. In short, we don’t have all the information and we don’t know what we truly have.

(2) Season three will involve working out, possibly using a diary or a book of some kind, what has happened to somebody. From simply hearing about the plot of The Crow Road I thought it would be Muriel working out what’s happened to Aziraphale by reading his diaries. Perhaps season three will open with a very different Aziraphale to the one we are used to and Muriel will work out what is really going on (memory wipe, manipulation, Aziraphale lying to enact a plan). This might still be true but after reading The Crow Road I was left with a different idea.

After reading The Crow Road the obvious parallel to Uncle Rory is not Aziraphale but God. God narrates season one but season two is strangely lacking in God’s narration. As Crowley says she’s “not talking to any of us”. Just like Uncle Rory. Yet everyone assumes that Heaven’s orders ultimately come from her. What if they aren’t coming from her? What if they are being sent by the person who murdered her? I think a big focus of season three will be what exactly is happening with God. It won’t necessarily be that she’s dead like Uncle Rory. Not everything is going to line up perfectly with The Crow Road. But finding out where she is and why she isn’t talking to anyone, just what this ineffable game is, will be important.

(3) It is worth noting that in The Crow Road Prentice’s father is sent match book covers to convince him that his brother, Rory, is still alive and in Good Omens we have Gabriel putting Beelezebub’s fly into a Resurrectionist match box. Does this mean anything beyond simply making a connection between Good Omens and The Crow Road? I don’t know. I can’t see any extra meaning to this yet.

(4) Aziraphale, like Prentice, won’t be a fool forever. We can depend on that. He is currently fooling himself because the truth (that Heaven is corrupt all the way down or rather up I suppose) is too painful to contemplate. But this won’t last. Aziraphale and Crowley are currently at odds, but they won’t remain so. Aziraphale’s viewpoint will shift and align more with Crowley’s.

Unlike Prentice’s father, Crowley has already fallen and will be ready when Aziraphale comes to his senses. Their estrangement will have a full resolution.

(5) Aziraphale will move on from his immature infatuation with Heaven to focus on his mature love relationship with Crowley.

Crowley will clearly state his love during passionate sex in Morse code by rhythmically contracting his effortfully formed vaginal muscles around Aziraphale’s hard cock. Wait. What? Crowley, if you are reading this please don’t do that. I know you struggle to put your love into words but that’s not the answer. But seriously, the physical expression of their love will be important. It will be important to Aziraphale. This is consistent with fanon conjecture that physical touch is Aziraphale’s love language and that physical (ie human) expressions of love are what is unique to Aziraphale and Crowley.

(6) This quote slapped me on the face: “Places have an effect on people. They alter your thoughts.” It is very like the Good Omens quote, “form shapes nature”. Aziraphale has been on Earth a long time. I wonder how he will be affected by being back in Heaven? Even if he has returned with a plan, Heaven might start seeping back in. Our angel has never been more vulnerable.

(7) This quote slapped me in the face too: “Faith itself is idolatry”. I wonder what Aziraphale would say about that? Is his faith in Heaven a form of idolatry? Aziraphale needs to shift in his stance regarding Heaven but I wonder where he will ultimately land on God. Will his faith in God be preserved or must that die too? Much depends on what exactly has happened to God and just what kind of ineffable game she is playing. So I suppose we will have to wait and see.

[mecachrome]

extremely 👀👀 about this kind/nice spectrum u brought up and how alex oscar lando and anyone else on the grid are placed on the grid..... would love to know more.........

hi there!!! :D omg yes i would love to talk more about this, though of course disclaimer that these are my Personal Interpretations and i love to spout nonsense on the internet LOL. i'll just expand on oscar + lando + alex some more since frankly i don't know all the other driver lore Like That and i don't want to overstep in my analysis! also i'm deathly afraid of chirlies. ok let's move on

to start off... i think the way we talk about celebrity personas obviously requires some generalization + projection since we can only extrapolate what is already being consciously disseminated, and so although i frequently talk about the kind/nice dichotomy or someone's capacity for sympathy vs. empathy (which is kind of a parallel assessment imo) we are of course all complex people who contain multitudes, and i think it's mostly just interesting to examine strictly in the context of racing & racing mentality... if that makes sense!

also wrt landoscar's personalities → one thing i feel very, VERY strongly about despite their differing surface-level interests and social profiles (read: different flavors of off-track sports, both of them being gamers but to diverging levels of visibility, lando's higher degrees of hyperfixation, etc.) is that at their baseline they are extremely similar people, and honestly even very similar drivers and racing "characters," which ultimately kind of colors most of my analysis. if we peel back the layers then oscar and lando are both functional introverts who've been very well-nurtured by similarly robust, persisting, and loyal support systems—oscar spending 99% of his time off-track with his longtime gf, lando's best mates all being from his karting days, their dads being equally objective about yet also supportive of their careers, jon having trained lando since he was like 5 feet tall, etc.—so to me the overarching difference is that they have diametric approaches to how they externalize their convictions, and then obviously since that's what we see/hear day in & day out it generates the existing rift between their media images. per lando on btg: 

"Oscar is extremely down to earth. A bit like me, just a very normal guy who's in Formula 1, just a guy that loves to drive cars and compete against people, and that's it."

(incoming egregious amounts of lando psychoanalysis...) despite oscar being the only driver i truly rep, i've always found lando's psyche soooo fascinating because he invites such extreme emotion in people (be it positive or negative), and i think part of it does go back to the idea of being nice vs. kind and ultimately the lens through which his intentions are interpreted by other people. in real-people fandom this is always interesting since it ends up becoming an unconscious exercise in how we perceive "sincerity" in others, even though the underlying paradoxical truth is obviously that any such assessment must always be dispersed and consolidated via a parasocial system (and thus everything is held relative to our own individual value systems... This is totally not the point of the ask. SORRY FOR THE MILLION TANGENTS) anyway as an extremely disillusioned sports fan i actually have a lot of time for lando despite how much visceral judgment he generates in quite a few people, which is totally fair since everyone is fully privy to feeling however they want to feel about any celebrity and i am not here to convince them otherwise lol. but that's just me!

i think to me the thing about lando is that there is almost zero pretense to his character, which some dislike because they find his bluntness off-putting, but imo just means his intentions are generally straightforward and easily digestible. sure, he lacks the spoken filter to not come off as occasionally callous, but at the end of the day i genuinely believe that he's an inherently thoughtful (and "kind") person, especially within the insular system of professional motorsport and the many mental pitfalls that accompany it. a symptom of this is how willing he is to resist more gracious media responses and how very inwardly critical he can be in specifically self-motivating ways, the latter of which sometimes gets misinterpreted due to the rigid yet overwhelmingly popular framework of what constitutes a competitive racing mentality. but like... to Me, lando is just entirely what you see is what you get, bad parts included, and he has zero intention of making excuses for that or pretending to be anything otherwise. which i enjoy!

and which again also goes back to the idea of niceness. (honestly the tl;dr for most of lando's pr scandals is just Oh okay so it's illegal to be neurodivergent now? but i'm trying to be normal so let me not just say that.) a good example is the entire debacle of saying he felt no sympathy for daniel at mclaren in 2022, because i think it elucidates a sort of kindness in objectivity that he very plainly participates in—to lando, being a top-performing athlete means never searching for excuses to soften the brunt of one's failures, himself included, and equally that there is no point playing sorry in front of journalists or trying to reshape their narrative scrutiny since at the highest level of competition any bold-faced externalization of "sympathy" is really just pity. and what point is there in telling someone else that you Feel Bad for their skill issue/struggles when the moment you extend that sentiment you essentially debase their position as a direct competitor and therefore disrespect them even more?

"I want to be the best in the world, I want to prove myself to people. But I've never had the mentality or the confidence to say that or feel like I need to do anything more than normal to show it to people. Do I have to do anything to go over the top and show that to prove it? I don't think so. People say you've got to be brutal and you've got to have this certain mentality. But I just don't think it's true at all. I think you’ve just got to get in the car and do the best you can."

i think the Separation of Church (treating everyone exactly as they are on-track, just another car to size up or keep at bay) and State (being friendly, supportive, and altogether well-regarded by other drivers off-track) is a primary tenet of lando's personality, and it's something he achieves by valuing kindness over niceness. you know the lando/maxf quadrant interview where lando is like: i'm not friends with you because of your achievements in life... i just care about your personality! and he's mainly saying it to take the piss out of him but he also 100% does mean that shit. that's the crasyinsane part about lando to me... god i'm so sorry i need to not go on for a million years but PERSONALLY, i think lando is very much the type of person who can go through an experience, or otherwise see someone close to him go through an experience, and approach it very empathetically to the point he continues carrying on this internal conviction about it even when he's survived or grown past it. like even as someone who mostly believes in Death to Relatable Marketing, i find it really interesting when lando talks about mental health in sports because we get to see both a) the fact that he's grown so much in his own mental resilience from his rookie self in 2019 to who he is now, but also b) that he continues to believe strongly in rejecting the presumed archetype of a successful formula 1 driver, and is steadfast in surfacing that even though... honestly? lando nowadays is a very consistent, well-rounded, and efficient talent who frankly doesn't experience nearly as much of the unproductive mentally-spiraling self-criticism that used to impact his performances to a far more pronounced degree when he was younger and rough around the edges. yet he still feels compelled to affirm that there is No One way to be an athlete (which is significant because "mentality" is such a harped-on concept in all sports, and everyone is always trying unfailingly to extrapolate performance-related projections via vague and completely subjective intangibles to a notably unempirical degree!!) because he does care, deeply, about how people enter and succeed in motorsport. honestly i always feel kind of iffy bringing up commentary re: Women In Motorsport because it often sounds unnecessarily adulatory, but at least in recent times i think he's also shown a decent amount of grace when talking about female fans, girls in karting, that one time he was like Bruh who are you? @ that misogynistic reporter, which...... i'm not going to say majorly influences my opinion of him, but imo being willing to quickly shut someone down like that is an anti-niceness to a productive end that i appreciate, since i think many personalities would kind of just smile bemusedly and try to quickly move on in the conversation.

tl;dr lando thinks feeling bad for people is useless and will never give you that one tidy sympathetic soundbite, but he does care for people vividly, especially off-track, which to him is the only place kindness really matters anyway. when you look at maxf (and i know this is mainly a portrait of codependency unique to their friendship but i do think it reflects his love languages in general) whose career cratered because he mentally couldn't handle the pressure, lando's response was literally to unfailingly engage in failcore househusband chores for him like leaving handwritten notes in his 3rd grade girl handwriting and ironing his clothes on stream........ which... i could go on forever but again. separation of church and state!!!

anyway with oscar on the other hand, i honestly think most things in his life kind of just exist as a function of motorsport LOL. and that he likes surrounding himself with people of similar interests/intellectual level/skillsets, down to his partner studying engineering and wanting to work in the same industry as him....... again, i think 814's baseline characters are Very similar and that they're both great team players with complementary professional approaches, so this is not a knock on either of their personalities, but imo lando is just generally more outwardly sentimental and has also had to do a lot of conscious growing up in the past ~4 years to become more well-rounded wrt off-track interests, whereas oscar basically came onto the grid as this already fully-realized product with far fewer dependencies who is just nonchalantly like, I see my family 3 weeks a year and my sisters just think i'm their lame older brother and don't care about my career at all, but i'm fine with that and i'd make all the same sacrifices i've made over and over again to get where i am!!! also re: oscar's abject lack of interest in engaging with fans one-on-one, an easy example is how lando genuinely values/treasures the friendship bracelets he gets and wears them consistently whereas oscar is just like. Erm. i respect it but that is not for me ✋😭 he's nice about fan things because he understands how much fan support and consumerist interest enable the circus that is formula 1 but he doesn't really value any of it much past the surface-level pleasantries......

why is this answer so long............... idk if you want to hear anything more about alex but i think he's very similar to oscar in terms of this measured external niceness/quiet ruthlessness, especially wrt how they weather team politics, interact with media (noted red bull marketing hater alex albon), and tend to simply Do The Thing To Do The Thing. alex is especially interesting because if you watch his high performance pod it reveals sooooo much of his growth over the years and his current mental framework ("i was having to be selfless, and it didn't really agree with me that much") and frankly even just the way he speaks about himself is fascinating to me but i digress!!! i do think much of lando's tactless impulse yet also apparent kindness comes from his considerably privileged background and the fact that he was shown a lot of Realistic But Also Unconditional Support and thus never had his career actively threatened growing up. so even though he's had to learn to not mentally catastrophize at the f1 level, he didn't undergo the reckoning alex did with his mother/losing rb's team backing/etc., which alex mentions in this podcast as specifically triggering his insatiable desperation to prove himself.......... and so on. alex and oscar to me are both quite similar in how they let more combative thoughts simmer and are very well-trained in responding palatably to the media, but they're also going to resist relating themselves too much to other people's struggles because That Is Not Their Problem, and at the end of the day oscar is uh.... sure he has a lot of appreciation for mclaren and has called prema a family before, but he really only wants to win for himself and is less inclined than lando is to romanticize the spirit of the Team. and so when he says things like "for me, there’s just not any point, especially in self-deprecation, destroying yourself in front of the media," it's a Niceness because his assessments are always entirely self-absorbed in the most productive of senses, as in he truly only cares about what he himself is doing and is never going to waste time worrying about or comparing himself to his competitors' mental approaches!

does any of this make sense. please excuse the monstrous rambling 😭 but also please feel free to follow up with your own takes/lore about any driver if you'd like to, or to tell me that i'm absolutely wrong if you'd like, because i always love to hear about these things!!! :3c

[peupeugunn]

okay but imagine if shadowhunters had had filler episodes. just them doing dumb nonsense that didn't have any effect on the plot. bonding.

clary learns about the nephilim education system and she doesn't know whether to be horrified or amazed cause on the one hand they're giving knives to four year olds, on the other hand, izzy is a fully certified forensic pathologist at 19.

simon spends an entire episode dragging raphael around new york tryna find him a replacement jacket because even though the kidnapping situation was very fucked up he feels really bad!!! the episode ends with them picking out a really amazing jacket and then raphael having to pay for it because with all the supernatural crap happening, simon honestly forgot that he's a broke college student.

jace and alec episode with them on their day off just chilling (izzy and clary following them because clary Does Not Understand Parabatai and izzy thinks this will help. somehow.) they go to the library and spend some time curled up together reading. they get coffee and go to the park. jace screams at some ducks while alec provides moral support. they go for a movie. they walk around the city holding hands. they go back to the institute to spar a little and then head off to bed. clary through the episode keeps asking "are they dating? are they not? seems like they are?" but izzy keeps denying the dating allegations. clary then finds someone in the institute that can actually explain parabatai with actual words and she barges into izzy's room in the middle of the night screaming "YOU COULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME THEY'RE SOULMATES ISABELLE!"

there's an episode that is literally just. magnus' cats. nothing else. magnus provides narration like this is a nature documentary.

malec's second date, where they just sit on the couch and watch tv and trashtalk the characters. the entire episode is edited to look exactly like a youtuber-reviewing-a-tv-show thing. the first time time an action scene comes up, alec gets so mad at how unrealistic it is and magnus gives him a detailed explanation of how and why movie fighting is so different from real life fighting and why they're choreographed that way. the episode is an hour and a half because magnus and alec keep getting sidetracked and start talking about random stuff. it ends with them falling asleep together on the couch.

a magnus & catarina & ragnor episode with them just hanging out. cat and ragnor keep making fun of magnus for being so in love but he keeps agreeing with them with a lovestruck expression and that takes the fun out of it. the episode is a clipshow style thing except it's not clips of stuff we've already seen, it's their adventures (including, obviously, peru.)

a jimon episode where simon sits jace down and explains in detail the entire plot of star wars. all the star wars. jace asks so many questions and they get so sidetracked at times but simon powers through. at the end, jace reveals that he actually has watched star wars and he knew everything simon was saying but let him go on and on for hours because he wanted to see whether simon would figure it out and also cause jace likes spending time with him.

a clizzy episode where izzy jokingly asks clary to paint her and clary gets so excited!!!! so izzy goes along with it. clary keeps talking like she's doing a tutorial on painting except izzy can't see what she's doing. through the episode, izzy keeps doing more and more ridiculous poses and clary paints and sketches them and somehow they turn out actually good?

i have more ideas but like. idk about you guys but i'd have watched the hell out of this stuff.

[elosva]

so obviously the whole "serial killer with a split personality" troupe is horrible for all the usual reasons.

but also like, its just boring as fuck.

like your telling me you have a character that has multiple people all shareing a body, and the most interesting thing you can think to do with that is "one of them is a personalityless monster that likes to kill people for reasons"

that is the best you can do? really?

so here are a few ideas i had for stories about systems that are 1000x more interesting then that nonsense.

a protector that has spent their entire life keeping their host safe finally finds themselves in a situation where they truly are completely safe, but to their surprise they don't reintegrate or disappear, and now they have to find out who they are and what they're place in life is when they're not protecting people

body swap romance ala "your name" but instead of swapping bodies its two alters in a system with strong amnesia barriers

any sort of silly shenanigans based plot with the addition of one serious person who really does not want to be involved in shenanigans, but gets dragged in anyway because one of their sillier headmates agreed to it.

love triangle where the person falls in love with someone, who then falls in love with their headmate, but they don't know that they're a system so they end up in a relationship anyway under false pretenses.

alternatively to that last one, the love triangle axis could have fallen in love with both of them separately, while thinking that they are just one person, leading to them having to separate their two love interests in their mind once they find out.

surrealist horror story that takes place completely in headspace, the monster is not an alter, but rather a representation of the systems repressed trauma.

fictive misses their sourcemate, finds another system they know split off said source mate, the two of the try dating but find that they are so different from what they remember and now have to figure out who this new person is and what exactly they feel about them while finding a new dynamic.

reverse isekai with a fictive

literally any character exploration focused story

two companion books, one fallowing a romance story between a host and some love interest, and the other an action story of a protector keeping them safe going on at the same time filling in the gaps of the first story.

i could keep going, its really not that hard to come up with these ideas

if you decide to want to use any of these in your own story, please do, you don't even have to credit me i just want more stories about systems that aren't about serial killers.

though if you do write one i will request that you send me a link as i will want to read it

[recurring-polynya]

Gin and Isshin open Senkaimon during Deicide, they skim over the cool stick-the-sword-in-the-air bit in the manga but they show it for Gin in the anime

Thank you for this tip! The Deicide chapters are not ones I habitually revisit, and now I have Questions.

(from episode 301)

Is there a reason people are constantly asking their subordinates to open gates for them? Is it tradition? Just an asshole boss power move? The number one thing I wanted to know when I looked this clip up was whether or not one had to be in shikai to perform this move, but Gin is not. (seems like this might be kinda hard for Byakuya if this was the case altho I'm sure he would come up with some extremely extra method of forming his petals into a very fancy, pink key or something). It's probably best that shikai is not required, because it seems like that would be a problem for the low-level shinigami that seem to get sent on Living World missions.

If you had asked me to explain how this worked before these additional examples, I would have guessed that the zanpakutou performs a form of biometric (soul-o-metric? reishi-metric?) identification. Ideally, the boundary between worlds is warded, probably by Squad 12, and there is a white list as to who is allowed to gate into Soul Society, but even if that's technologically infeasible, there should at very least be a log somewhere. It obviously can't be the first case. Taking away senkaimon privileges is the very first thing I would do when a captain defects. (There was also that whole scene in the Soul Society arc right after Urahara sends the Karakura Kids to Soul Society and he touches the gate and it zaps him? What was that, then?) Even if it's just a log, you would think that Isshin might be a little reluctant to use this method, or possibly that there would be some blowback from "SHIBA ISSHIN - MIA - 20 YEARS" really ought to cause someone to get an email alert somewhere. Maybe Kyouraku slipped Akon a cool 20 to "accidentally" delete the logs, who the hell knows? Hold up-- I just read back a few pages, and while it appears Isshin is ultimately the one who opens the senkaimon, he initially tries to make Ichigo do it. It never explains this, but I do not for a second believe that Ichigo knows how to open a gate, based on the fact that Ichigo never seems to know any of the sundry workaday things you probably learn in shinigami school. However, does Isshin ask him to do it to avoid traceability, or is this just another example of "opening the door is the subordinate/son's job"??

3. I thought that summoning a senkaimon this way would send you directly to Soul Society, and that traveling through the dangai was only necessary for cases involving matter conversion. It's a little vague in Urahara's two-gates-taped-together example, but Rukia makes it pretty clear in this scene from the Advance Team arc, which is how Orihime ends up getting kidnapped.

Both Gin & Aizen and Isshin & Ichigo end up traveling through the dangai, and none of them get butterflies. Is this because they don't have proper permissions to open a gate directly to Soul Society? Are senkaimon an acknowledgement based transfer protocol? Hell Butterflies are an ACK and the dangai is the NAK? I can imagine that on a day Soul Society is more functional, a failed zanpakutou checksum would alert some special team of Squad 2 ninja who would meet you at your destination, where you could either provide a different form of credentials (or presumably be taken into custody)?

You know, this ended up a lot more coherent than I expected it to. Hopefully someone else will send me an example from the Bount arc or something that will make all of this nonsense again.

[ace-disgrace-on-the-case]

(I'm placing this here so as not to clog the rp blog, but it is relevant to the events unfolding there)

@is-the-battlemech-cool-or-not I know you expressed interest in the events that have been going on for the past few days (and will continue for a while longer) eventually becoming something of a group-authored fanfic. I decided to take a crack at what that might look like and concatenated the events of one of the scenes from a few days ago (the bar meeting) into a single, readable chapter. It's a bit difficult given the mediums are different, and there was some overlap to untangle between conversations different characters were having at around the same time, but I think I've put something together that makes it cohesive and contains as much as possible of everyone's writing.

If this works, it should be a great way to bring everything together! I've included it below the read more for your reading pleasure.

This is still a rough draft, so I do apologize for that, but let me know what you think!

Melissa, in her SLDF dress uniform, walks into the bar of the Unity City Grande alongside Karrie DeLacey. The Marten-Steiner siblings notice an immediate commotion as every SLDF soldier in the bar stands instantly to attention, remaining so until Melissa salutes the officer nearest her and says, "At ease."

She shakes her head in amusement as the two newcomers walk over to Theodora and Dieter at the bar.

"We are here," Melissa says to the two possibly-former Steiners.

Theodora stands, offering a handshake. She's wearing her LCAF uniform, but with any patches and insignias removed. Without it all, the uniform looks empty; nothing more than a cobalt tunic and white pants, with empty rank epaulettes on the shoulders.

"Greetings, Melissa. It's good to see you."

"Good to you two as well," Melissa says. "I apologize for causing this to occur," she says solemnly.

Theodora waves her hand, as if to swat aside the general’s words. "You made this happen no more than I did. The Archon chose to revoke my nobility, so the blame lies with her, and her alone."

Dieter, however, merely nods, eyes fixed on Melissa's new rank. He's obviously distressed, but he's trying to hide it. After a moment, he snaps out of it, looking to Karrie.

"And you'll be Ms. DeLacey, I suppose?"

"I should be Ms. DeLacey, last I checked!" Karrie quickly adds. "And I do offer you my condolences again. Fucked up that they decided to hit you like that for doing the right thing." She shrugs. "Nobles."

Dieter chuckles, shoulders sagging.  "Indeed. My cousin has always been... a stubborn woman, but I hoped I could make her see sense. I maintain my noble status for now, but news of my involvement will reach her sooner rather than later, then it will be done for me." A savage gleam enters his eye. "Lucky for me, I've been preparing for something like this to occur."

“I don’t know what kind of promises I can make but if you ever want some help with that sort of thing, ha… you know how to find me is all.” Karrie pats Dieter on the back in a rough gesture of affection. “But cheer up, my noble friend! That’s tomorrow’s nonsense! Tonight’s is drink.”

Dieter holds up his half-empty glass, giving a wry grin. "Amen to that. What's your flavor? I'm buying tonight."

"Oh! Right, thanks." Karrie glances over at the bar for a moment. "If they do those here I like a Dark and Stormy. Bit of rum, bit of ginger beer, and a lime. It's a nice change of pace." She points at Dieter's glass. "And you? Someone of your means's gotta be drinking something interesting."

"Tonight? No," he says, taking another drink. "Tonight the only objective is get shit-faced, and do it quick. To that end, I've got the bartender coming over with a new glass of Glengerry Reserve every five minutes. Eventually, I fear I'll just have to buy a fucking bottle service, 'cause he came two minutes ago and I'm already done with this one."

"Does being a Lyran come with an iron liver or is that an acquired skill?"

"An acquired skill, gained over years of dealing with politicians, morons, and a sister with a death wish."

Theodora nods and gestures to the empty chairs at the table, opposite her and Dieter. "Please, sit, order something. We must celebrate your promotion, no?"

"I suppose we should," Melissa says, sitting next to Theodora. "But before we do that," she says, smiling with her voice, as even her somewhat modified beak makes that expression physically difficult, "here." She pulls out two small grey velvet boxes.

One she places in front of Theodora. Theodora pauses, poking at the box as if it's likely to explode. "Thank you for this gift of... a box? It's not going to blow up if I open it wrong, yes?"

"Neg, Theodora," Melissa giggles. "Just open it." She places the second box in front of Karrie.

"Shit, me?" Karrie says, taking it. "Damn, I must be magestrix of the universe or something the way everyone's being so nice tonight." She flashes a sly grin, looks to Melissa one more time, and opens the box.

Inside are the twin sapphire rank bars of an SLDF Warrant Officer.

"They are yours, should you want them," Melissa smiles. "You would be both a MechWarrior as a member of my Command Supernova Trinary, and the Chief MechTech for the Regiment.

 "I have seen enough, and heard enough, about your handywork and 'Mech skills to know you would excel at both at once, let alone either on its own... You need not say aff immediately, Karrie. But do think it over tonight. It would come with more than just rank, of course."

Karrie stops trying to cheer up Dieter for a moment and stares in shock. She's hard to read; her body is tense, but her face is pensive, almost wistful. Finally, she manages to speak. "I...I don't know what to say, Star Captain. That's a big offer for someone like me. I'm flattered. Just—completely floored flattered." Her drink arrives along with another of Deiter's glasses of liquor, and she takes a steadying sip. The expression on her face is strange; Melissa can’t quite tell if she’s crying, but she’s certainly staring at the sapphire bars like her life depends on them.

Theodora opens her own box, though she does so carefully, still not entirely convinced of the box's non-explosiveness. Dieter also braces somewhat, as if he expects the box to spontaneously combust.

Inside are two sets of twin emerald "bar and dot" rank devices - the rank of SLDF Major.

"They are yours, if you wish," Melissa says. "And technically, it's a promotion. I cannot have my prospective Nova Captain outranked by actual Captains, quiaff? It would come with more than just the rank, of course. You may not be Lyran nobles any longer, but you can be Star League nobles."

For a moment, Theodora, too, is silent, eyes fixed on the emerald insignias, running her hand through her hair. Before the moment becomes awkward, however, her training kicks in, and she straightens, snapping a crisp Lyran salute.

"I'm honored, Commanding General. I accept."

Melissa salutes back, the casual salute of an officer returning a subordinate's gesture. "Now then, Major Marten-Steiner. Theodora. We have several things to discuss. Firstly, you'll need a new paint job on your Atlas. How does SLDF Green and Black Watch tartan sound to you?"

"It'll suit me just fine, sir." Theodora pins the rank badge in place, straightening it to parade-ground perfection. "So, what's the plan? Given your shiny new rank, I suppose it's to be total war?"

"Indeed. I am told the First Lord will be issuing our orders within the day. The SLDF will deploy. Before that, however, we must attend to more personal matters," she says. "We need to refit, reprogram, and re-serial your Atlas, get you your new uniform, and most importantly, get you your new citizenship. You and your brother," she says, looking over to the still drunken Dieter, before smiling and looking back at Melissa. "And please, Theodora, just call me Melissa."

"Yes, sir. Er, Melissa."

Dieter points at Melissa, brows creased. "First, we're drinking. You're a damn general, now. And that's worth celebrating," he grins. "Unless, of course, the great Commanding General is too good to drink with us lowly soldiers and diplomats?"

"Absolutely not, Dieter," she says, sitting down at the bar. She waits for a bit, letting Karrie think, sipping her own pint of Timbiqui Dark, conversing with the bartender, who seems at once terrified, starstruck, giddy, and incredulous at just who he's suddenly serving beer and bar snacks to. Eventually, looking over at the still staring Karrie, she chuckles.

"Terra to Karrie? Terra, calling Karrie... Are you all right, Karrie?"

Karrie starts. “Blake’s sake! Scared the shit out of me.” Her face immediately twists into a shape of regret as she remembers where she is. “Oh! Shit, that’s…that’s not proper decorum at all, I’m so sorry about that.” She takes another sip from her drink and shudders.

“I’m…gonna have to think about it, Star Captain. It’s a lot to take in, is all.” A half-hearted look of mischief crosses Karrie’s face. “Tell you what: we both survive this, Star Captain? I’m yours,” she says, draining the last of her cocktail and looking around for someone to ask for another.

"Very well, Karrie," Melissa says. A look of contradictory, dead-serious mischievousnesa crosses her avian features before she continues, "I'm still making it temporarily official, though. I need a good MechTech and pilot to back me up. And you're much better than just "good", from everything I've heard. We'll need to talk about getting your Awesome up to SLDF standards. That means a full teardown and rebuild if needed. And she will get a new paint job. We will need jump jets as well."

"And it's General now, Karrie," she chuckles, switching to a more lighthearted tone. "Great Father's bones, don't make me remind you every time, quiaff?" she continues, mock-exasperated, handing her new cocktail.

“General! Agh, I—sorry about that. Won’t forget again!” Karrie laughs. “In that case, General, I just hope I’m every bit the woman you’re counting on.”

She lifts her glass in the air. “I think we’ve all got something to toast to, then,” she says, elbowing Dieter out of his drunken stupor. “To…something new! Whatever it’s gonna be. And to friends!”

"To new adventures, and new friends!" Melissa toasts.

[spacedlexi]

hey same anon from yesterday!

first off, good luck with your assignments, Killin myself out here too.

And thanks for the advice! I’m trying to make it canonical while in a modern au, so since this was a mainly S1 part of the series, Clem’s parents + Lee’s wife nonsense still happens, just navigated differently. Different dates obviously happen, some characters are less prominent and others are more (i.e St. John’s useless, or Larry + Lee’s family roles/created)

For the personalities, some characters are just easier to write I think. I’ll never understand the Violet southerner thing, a telltale sight for me is if someone messes that up. (Also basically every story has Minerva as a total asshole so that’s funny)

I tried to implement game lines too, while putting it in modern context! And the end of the day you’re right, it is MY choice, just want to have it look nice. Again, thanks and good luck!

using lines ripped from the game can definitely be helpful, especially if it feels natural in the scene, i would just be careful in not leaning on it too much. adding a twist to it definitely helps. but really try to pay attention to the cadence with which characters speak. theres a rhythm to Everything. do they stutter when theyre nervous? do they use a lot of filler words? do they hesitate at all or do they speak confidently? do they enunciate? stuff like that. if you can figure that out it makes it easier to write dialogue that really feels like its coming from that character. think about the different ways multiple characters may express the same idea. how does it get filtered through their heads and mouths. its less about What the character is saying and more How theyre saying it. believability and all that. to me it feels like pulling off a magic trick

it really is just a delicate balance of behavior and vocabulary. its why i try to cut a lot of slack to writers when it comes to fic. i know its a hard line to walk, and i'll give points for getting Enough right. especially for characters we dont see much of. thats why even tho it annoys me a bit i understand why so many people write minnie as being a possessive asshole and not much else. its why i end up going down the rabbit hole trying to figure out who she was before the delta. like we Know she was a different person, we just dont know much about that person, and the experience/thought process that she had that turned her from the "didnt even like killing walkers" never mind the darkness minnie into the minnie that killed her sister. i find her to be a really interesting character because its obvious she still cares about the ericson group in some fucked up way (sans clem she just sees her as an obstacle to getting them back) and i Do wish that depth was examined more in fics. but maybe im just not reading the right ones

ANYWAY i hope this has all been helpful and good luck with your writing 💕

[3416]

Hello, I love reading your insight on the game! I wonder if you might have insight on a couple of things re: how things work in the nhl, as while I find it fascinating I'm still figuring a lot out:

what is the GM's motivation? maybe that's a wild question LOL but if I WAY oversimplify it: other than wanting to personally do well, the players need to impress the coach so they get time on ice, the coach needs to please the GM so they keep their job, is there a similar motivation for GMs (from owners maybe)? I think I just haven't seen as much movement with them so I am curious how/when they are held responsible for team performance

does the GM consult with the coach on trades/signings? i am wondering if the coach shows up day 1 and the GM basically says "here are the pieces, put together my cup-winning puzzle" or if the coach ever says "we have problems with X, and Y or Z from team blah blah that I coached before would do so much to help us fix X"

I'm not sure if there are necessarily "real" answers to these questions, but I would love to hear your insight either way!

hi there!! those are actually wonderful questions and get to the root of certain nhl jobs. i'm not going to pretend to be an expert here by any means. i only have real knowledge about the leafs and from what i understand, every hockey team is built a tad bit differently. honestly being a fan of something as complex as a whole sport and it's structure is just a constant learning process so fjdkdk forgive me if any of this isn't entirely accurate.

so brad treliving is our general manager and answers to brendan shanahan, the president (if you've ever heard of the term 'shanaplan'.. that basically represents this era of leafs while he's been president). brendan shanahan answers to the owner of the team aka the board of mlse (which is an entertainment company and can be broken into even smaller pieces if you want to get complicated w corporate nonsense. mlse is represented by their ceo keith pelley when it comes to leaf stuff.. he did the end of the yr media w brad and keefe). team to team that structure can kind of shift, like the president can also be the owner or the president and the gm can be the same thing, there can be multiples of roles for different sides of things, etc etc. basically a gm's job is to build the team/staff, a president's job is to oversee that and the org as a whole, and they essentially both have to answer to owners who want this all to be a profitable and successful venture. obviously everyone involved wants the same outcome, but the tier structure can cause hiccups. we actually saw this first hand the summer of 2023 when kyle dubas was fired from the leafs.

if you weren't around for that, essentially kyle dubas was the leafs gm for multiple years and he and the shanahan had a pretty personal-sounding falling out. his firing happened rather abruptly after he was going back and forth in negotiations for an extension, and one of the things hinted at as being most stressful was the constant hoops he had to jump through to get deals done. he needed things approved by shanahan and then the board just to make trades or big moves and it was slowing the process/stopping things from happening. this is evident when you look at the fact that the job he took immediately after departing the maple leafs was the combined role of general manager AND president of hockey operations for the pittsburgh penguins where he has MUCH more freedom. so essentially, the gms have to answer to everyone above them while also managing very hands on things like roster construction and staffing. there is a lot to consider at that position bc you're not totally free to build a team how you specifically want, the people above you still have a plan too. keith pelley had a quote after the playoffs this year about how "they aren't here to sell jerseys" which happens to be ironic bc... the board of mlse very much has an interest in what is financially best for the leafs and that definitely can be impacted by players on a team. the maple leafs are a special case bc they bring in so much revenue whether they win or lose... they sold out crowds back when the leafs weren't even making the playoffs bc toronto really is a hockey city. whereas other places less known for hockey might struggle to bring in crowds or viewership if their team isn't on the rise so there's more incentive to make desperate moves. so anyway, the gm DOES have bigger roles they answer to and their job is to build a team that can be successful so that everyone up and down the structure of the org can benefit. i bet lots of them view it as a puzzle, but also the paycheck does not hurt and it's just another rung on the ladder if you're moving up in the hockey executive world.

as for the gm/coach relationship, there is lots of consulting going on there as far as i'm aware. what makes it hard is when you're introducing new people like the leafs have the past 2 years now (some teams have insane coaching turnover so... coaches may be taken with more of a grain of salt but leafs were blessed with the very interesting duo of dubas/keefe who had a close relationship).if you look at someone like craig berube... he doesn't totally have a grip on these players bc he hasn't had to coach them yet, but he has a style and a kind of player that probably personally fits his systems and i'm sure all of that is relayed and discussed. the leafs roster, like any hockey team, has holes they need to fill, and a coach's input matters but ultimately it's a gm who is supposed to see the bigger picture in terms of what's needed. it's the coach's job to make what is given work physically on the ice. the higher up the structure you go, the bigger the picture is supposed to be to each role, and the higher up you go, the less turnover there is on the whole. coaches are the first to go when things aren't working, then gms, then presidents if need be (haven't seen a lot of turnover of those tbh). but all of those shifts happen in conjunction with the highs and lows of a hockey team. lose their identity when they're losing and sucking, and then start to plan and shape rebuilds and see what players are drafted high enough to make a difference and built around them.

anyway, that is a longwinded thing.. don't mind me ranting LOL. but there are so many moving parts to the front offices of hockey team, and they all do interact with each other and get input from each other for sure. the leafs are VERY corporate and have a business image to maintain as well as being a unique and popular place so it feels like there is EVEN MORE going on sometimes.

[alarrytale]

I always find it kind of funny when you and your anons (please don’t take this in an offensive way) say that Louis’ speeches is the same every night and the same setlist.

When Harry toured I almost knew his speeches better than my own name, if it wasn’t for the breaks where he read signs, he said the exact same thing every night, you could even hear the people who was live for his shows saying them together with him. His thank you speeches didn’t change, just like Louis’ didn’t do and just like most artists probably don’t so.

His setlist was also almost identical during the whole tour, only with a couple surprises at Wembley and Harryween. Louis gave us a new cover when LATAM leg started and at the festival two months ago he played Just hold on.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Harry and Louis equally, I just sometimes feel we want more from Louis, just because he doesn’t have the “funny” stage performance like Harry.

Just a little comment regarding Dylan. I think it was her own choice to not sing the song, I’m sure she don’t even know Louis good enough to know if Larry is real or not, and therefore she didn’t want to take the chance in making anyone unhappy. Louis sure didn’t tell her if he dates Harry or not, if he had a problem with the song he would have never hired her to the job.

Hi, anon!

In order not to offend anyone i think it's important to distinguish between what i say and what my anons say. My anons say loads of different things. Some i agree with and some i don't.

I have said that his speeches are the same every night, but i have not said that his setlist is the same. I have said the opposite. I would have preferred a fixed setlist so you know what songs you're going to get and make it easier for Louis to know the setlist and make it easier for him to learn the lyrics of the songs. He could switch out one song per night if he wanted to and make that a surprise (like TS does) or do one song as a treat every other show like H does with Medicine. H also invited legends on stage a couple of times to join him (Harry and Daryl Braithwaite singing the Horses as an example. The aussie crowd LOVED that).

I was pretty bored with H's thank you speech at the end of tour, you're right. But H's interactions with fans, his banana song, his impromptu snippets of 1D songs, the gender reveals and coming outs etc. all made each show different and memorable. We were able to distinguish between each show and look forward to what would happen at the next show. It was exciting and unpredictable.

I do think we expect more of Louis because he isn't showing us his charming and funny personality and entertaining us in the same way that other artists do. I think it's absolutely fine to not want to do stand up between songs like H does, but you need to find something that's memorable, engages fans and make it a good experience to compensate for the lack of entertainment.

I see everyone on twitter talking about Sabrina Carpenter's lyric changes for "Nonsense". She changes the lyrics of the outro on the fly. Sometimes she’s paying tribute to the city in which she’s performing and, other times, she’s testing how far she can push the limits of sexually suggestive lyrics. Everyone is talking about it across fandoms and it's making people pay attention to her and put her on people's radars. I think it's pretty brilliant. I would love for Louis to do something like that.

About Dylan. I think it wasn't her own choice, because it's an obviously wrong choice to make for her and her career. It's her biggest hit, it's about a 1D member and she’s at a festival full of directioners. She couldn’t have played a more relatable song than that song, and it would have made the crowd go ballistic. And what artist doesn’t play their most famous song? What small scale artist does that? What a missed opportunity! She wants louies/larries as fans? Cater to them? Louis wants harries and directioners to come to the festival? Cater to them! I'm sorry, but i don't see one good reason why she would skip that song to that audience at that festival. The song isn't a larry song, it's a harrie song. Nobody in the crowd would have a problem with it being played. So somebody behind the stage must have.

[anthropos-metronff]

Question for ya:

I agree that at the end of the day, Vincent is not at fault for what happened to Sephiroth/what he became.

But do you think he still blames himself anyway? Does he feel like he could have done something different and harbor guilt over it? That was my thinking, that he would feel some level of responsibility for the JENOVA project, but there isn't much out there that focuses on Vincent in this regard.

(Also yeah "pure and unsullied" to describe a child soldier is a little...😬)

I think you're looking for a potential headcanon reading here which is in fact canon. In the original game it's very obvious from your first meeting with Vincent that he's absolutely swimming in guilt, self-recrimination and a completely collaped and ruined self-image. And he locates the cause of this, right there in the basement, as stemming from his inability to stop the Jenova project, and the resulting impact this had on someone who he loved. (Lucrecia)

When you tell him about Sephiroth, he basically says 'Well, I didn't know about all that until just now, but that's another reason why I'm terrible'.

So yeah I think it's very obvious he blames himself for the Jenova project and Sephiroth.

I think it's important to establish, though, that FF7 is a game where character self-perspectives are both fallible and mutable. And this? All the above?^^ I think it's very clearly a product of Vincent's trauma, not a considered view on his responsibility.

I think it's implied in the wider canon, though not stated outright, that he probably blames himself not just for the Jenova project, but also what happened to himself at the hands of Hojo. Which, y'know, is obviously nonsense, but is very much in line with what a lot of survivors of trauma and abuse feel.

But that's all not really dealt with properly by the game. He's an optional character and he suffers very badly from what we might call the Quistis phenomenon of So You Got One Chapter of Character Development, and Now You're Done.

The nearest he gets to a resolution is if you have him in your party when facing Hojo and Sephiroth. His reactions kind of come out of nowhere in developmental terms, but him coming to a self-realisation that You know, maybe it should have been a fuck like Hojo who needed punishment, not me, is still pretty cool for a character who has been weighed down by guilt and trauma and a very obvious struggle to emote previously.

Thank you for the kind words re: my take on that line from Nomura by the way. I think I got one like for that post so it's nice to know that at least two people feel the same as me on it.

[itsmemateinnit]

Whitechapel series 4 press pack

Phil Davis plays Detective Sergeant Ray Miles

How is this series different from the last three?

We all get challenged, slightly more than perhaps we did before. There is a kind of presence of evil in the station in this series. Before we used to go to locations and crime scenes that would send a shiver up your spine, but now whatever that thing is it seems to have relocated itself to the station. It runs through all three of the stories, and even Miles, who has seen it all, starts to wonder whether they’re terrifically unlucky or whether there’s something turning everything sour. That’s a really important element of the series.

What can we expect from Miles in the new series?

Miles is a tough, heart on his sleeve type of man, but he wobbles slightly in this series. The supernatural element starts to get to him and you discover that there might have been, in his past certainly, some kind of religious belief. He loses a bit of confidence and is starting to feel a bit old, wondering if he’s still up to it.

What about the rest of the team?

Mansell is getting very cheeky and is a bit of a loose cannon. Riley is having problems at home – she’s got kids and work, which is very demanding. So this thing, whatever it is that’s in the station is starting to wobble everyone a little bit.

How does Miles cope with the supernatural happenings as one of the more cynical characters on the show?

Well, when people are saying this is absolute nonsense, it’s the man who says it loudest who is often the man who is most afraid. The things we learn about Miles this series, like the fact that he is a lapsed Catholic, gives an interesting insight into his beliefs surrounding good and evil.

How dark is the new series? Were you taken back by it when you read the scripts?

Yes I think so. They’ve all been gruesome, I mean the first one was Jack the Ripper! This one is more gruesome than the last series, although the last series was about someone hiding in your wall, that affected a lot of people in a different way. But in terms of the horror quotient in this one the crimes are awful. On a serious note, this is fiction obviously, but there are references made to past crimes and there’s nothing that we are doing in this show that hasn’t been inflicted on some poor soul. They make your flesh crawl when you think of what human beings can inflict on one another. So you say it doesn’t affect you but every so often it does bring you up short when you imagine it.

Steven Pemberton has written two of the episodes – what did you think of that?

Well I thought it was a great idea, as Steven’s comedy stuff is very, very dark. So when they suggested that he may write a couple of episodes I thought it was brilliant. He is a great talent and has the right amount of gothic imagination to do this stuff so it was a fun one to shoot. He also knows all the characters backwards so you’re ahead of the game to start with.

Do you think it’s the horror elements in Whitechapel that set it apart from other cop dramas?

It’s sort of where the horror movie and the cop show meet – and there is no other show quite like that. With these new stories there is more of a psychological element to it as well as horrible people doing horrible things to each other. Also the cases

present challenges to the police officers themselves, because there is a psychological effect in dealing with all this stuff, and you start to see that in action.

What do you think it is that people like about being scared?

It’s like a roller coaster ride, you get terrified but you come out the other end in one piece, and you get that sense of relief. My wife can’t watch the show – she get’s too terrified.

Do you think the relationship between Miles & Chandler is what binds the series together?

Miles and Chandler are chalk and cheese, and that’s a time honoured tradition in TV. So when a friendship emerged out of that unpromising start it caught people’s imagination I think. I like the bits where we fall out though, they’re the most fun to film!

There’s a loyalty between your two characters that most married couples would be jealous of, can you tell us a bit more?

It’s developed since the first series where they were adamantly opposed to each other, and Miles especially didn’t extend a particularly warm welcome to Chandler. But they rely on each other now and there is a loyalty and friendship there. It’s still a problematic relationship as they have two very different ways of going about things and very different ways of looking at the world, but they do back each other up and that’s become a very important element to the show.

You’re close with Rupert Penry-Jones off screen too?

We’ve known each other for twelve years, and we do get on very well. It would be awful if we didn’t. We first met in Leeds working on North Square. We killed time together - played a lot of pool and drank a lot of wine. There was a nice relationship between our characters then, I played a big brother figure to Rupert’s character. It’s a very different relationship to the one we play in Whitechapel but again a very nice chemistry between the two.

Did you do any research before filming Whitechapel?

When we did the first series we spoke to police officers. One of the joys of a returning series, and one of the problems, is that you’ve got the character and you know what you’re going to do. The joy of playing a new character for the first time isn’t there. But it’s like putting on a pair of old shoes – you know it fits you know what to do and you know how to make it work so you don’t need to spend time discussing all your motivations which you might do if you were approaching the first episode.

How realistic are the police procedures?

One of my friends is a police officer and he loves the show. He said his wife said to him – that’s nothing like what you do and he said – it’s a TV show! So I don’t suppose that we get everything right, no, but it wouldn’t really be very entertaining for anybody if we only did what real police officers would do.

Has anything ever spooked you whilst filming Whitechapel?

I wont pretend I believe in ghosts or the supernatural but there is a kind of evil that runs through real life and that’s what this series plays into, and that’s why it’s so popular outside of the coppering and the usual stuff. People ask if it’s scary when you’re in the morgue and there are body parts and all that, but a lot of the time you’re stifling giggles.

Did you have any idea Whitechapel would become this popular?

I had no idea, I didn’t even think that it was going to be repeated for the second series. It’s a copycat crime, so I thought how can you? But it sort of re-invented itself as it went along and it’s a very different show now.

[gumasantan]

morning forever: a cynonari oneshot

author's note: hey, hey, hey! i've written another fic that i'm quite satisfied about, and this time, i had to think hard about it! it's a long ass oneshot (~2.6k words) with a mystery (wooo~). this one focuses on cyno and tighnari's relationship so if you're not into those that i've mentioned, please scroll away. from this point on i'm planning to write in different styles. anyway, i hope you enjoy reading this one!

Therein lies a wooden cabin in the middle of a spruce forest surrounded by lush greens, bountiful patches of colorful plants, and littered with vines ever-growing upon the surface of the manmade structure. With how natural and one-in-nature this living space is, it won’t only attract those who love the sight of the undisturbed land, but it will also reel in those who have a passion in how this massive piece of soil came to be and anything of it.

A setting like that does not stand remarkable among many people apart from a few, considering how far they will have to be away from any signs of human activity.

The irrelevance one can feel in the presence of intimidation made real when one realizes how much the trees tower over their figure, it really makes you feel small. Inevitably, a description of such a place will conceive stories that will imply a ‘magical’ environment that lives within the forest, which is a bunch of mysticism nonsense obviously.

However, some will persist living here otherwise.

“I mean do you believe in all of that stuff? People randomly disappearing, seeing a creature, shadows in the distance or anything of the sort…what was that other one again? Something about time that those who come here find odd?”

The peaceful and quiet air filling the cabin is interrupted by a somewhat relaxed voice. 

“I’m just concerned about you, Nari.”

As replied with someone with a worried and serious tone.

Oh, the irony.

“Oh please, Cyno. Not me. We’ve been inhabiting our house here for how many years now, five? Six? Whatever it is, we know for a fact that we need someone to maintain this place we’ve always considered our true home, yes?” He tries to hide his annoyance.

“I know. I can handle being by myself just fine and I know I’ll be a maid of this house. I’m not stupidly worried about you like somehow I know the world is going to end later and I want you here by my side before the meteor hits us or something like that.” He replies back, attempting to justify that his worry goes deeper than what his boyfriend have said.

“That’s the spirit, Cyno! Thank you for clearing that up!”

He approaches his man with a hug, pleasantness floating in the air around them as Cyno hugs him back with a bit of relief not from his attempt at reassurance, but from his unexpected optimism.

-

“It’s just…there’s something else with the stories they tell. Irks me in the wrong places, you know? Or not…” He whispers into his long ears as they both hug his worries away.

His boyfriend then pulls away from the hug and holds his shoulders, making sure that he looks straight at him, like those types of scenes in the plays they have seen in the bazaar.

“Tell me truthfully, Cyno. Do you believe in them?” He asks confrontationally as he looks at him straight in the eyes.

He shakes his head once presented with the question.

“Are you sure? No traces of doubt left within you?” As he forces the issue in order to get it out of his system, and making sure of his feelings so that nothing may be misconstrued.

“Yes, none of it, Nari.” He finally replies as he achingly looks away from him when he let the last words slip past his lips. He glances at the clock on the top of the wall right in front of them:

12:15

Tighnari lets go of his shoulders with leniency expressed on his face.

“Besides, regardless if they’re true or not, I don’t think I should let those possibly false stories stand in the way of my own research. My love for my work is just as great as my love for you, and you’re not immature enough to ask anything like ‘Work or me?’ anyway, which is a great privilege by the way, with how much you’ve reassured me about it. Thank you for that, my love, really…” As he looks back at his love with a smile forming on his lips.

Tighnari had to admit that, hinting at the insecurity he had when faced with a situation like this. Always being stuck at a crossroads between his Cyno and his work at many points in their relationship. Yet, his sweetheart’s maturity have always prevailed. It has never come to a point where he invalidates his passion, and have even always encouraged him to keep pursuing it.

Cyno looks away from the clock and back at him, feeling warmth and fuzziness forming in his chest as they make him return the smile back.

“Let me just say that I don’t want to not talk about this. In fact, I do, and I’m willing to reassure you over and over again! It just didn’t stop me from being all exhausted about it…”

As he maintains his smile while sitting down on the stool beside the wooden counter, folding his arms as he lets his head down, wanting to rest himself for a short while.

Cyno approaches and hugs him around his waist gently from behind, looking to absorb and share some of that emotional fatigue that he’s sure that Tighnari is feeling.

Those types of choices weren’t easy.

He rests his head beside Tighnari’s, rousing some heartfelt intimacy between them.

“I’m sorry for being such a pain in the bottom to deal with, love. I know I’d let my worries take over me for a while. Trust me that this time is truly me you’re talking to right now, alright?”

“As if you’re not such a worrywart everytime we’re together, silly.”

Tighnari giggles.

Cyno giggles back.

He’s right, damn you.

-

“Here, how about this: Let me tell you a joke. What did the father told his son when returned to his home after buying out milk?” As he says looking at him. He looks to the clock as he waits for his answer, or rather, an attempt at an answer:

12:32

Ah, here we go again…

“What, Cyno?” Tighnari turns his face to that lovely face that made him fall in love hard to the side that was inches away from him as he prepares to keep himself from cringing laughing…

“Nothing. Why? Because the dad never came back. It was one of those running jokes that always implied abandonment issues.” As he said it with the…

…Straightest. Face. Ever.

What followed suit was something unexpected. His boyfriend has never laughed at one of his jokes since they were together…except now. He watches in surprise as Tighnari turns his face away from him and proceeds to laugh. Is it an honest laugh because it was genuinely funny? Or was it a mocking one because it was so bad it’s funny? For Cyno, either way was good enough for him.

Because he managed to be funny and make him laugh.

Cyno hugs Tighnari tighter than before and kisses on Tighnari’s cheek even as his lips would shape into a smile as his love kept on laughing.

I swear to God, don’t their bodies ache from positioning theirselves like this?

Cyno’s music in the room starts to settle as Tighnari’s lets his laugh fall silent. He couldn’t laugh for much longer: It was hurting his muscles and he had to catch his own breath before Cyno indirectly kills him from suffocation.

They let the laughs die down as they silently enjoyed their close presence together.

-

“So, tell me Cyno, why don’t you want me to go?” His boyfriend asks.

“Huh?”

Cyno faces him with a bewildered look in his face. Still locking his arms around Tighnari’s waist, he wonders what made him ask that kind of question.

“I know you never really believed in those stories in the first place. I know you’re smarter than that, and I know you know it too. Can you confirm in your own feelings that maybe you’re just urging me to not perform my work?” He asked an attacking question, but relaxed in its delivery.

“What are you asking, Nari? It’s just the stories and nothing else…”

Cyno answers as he felt a bit of confusion in Tighnari’s tone of questioning.

“Are you sure, Cyno? Head of the disciplinary division of the Academy, are you sure?” As he continues to press, wanting to confirm his suspicion about him since he brought up his concerns.

…

…

…

Cyno’s reply would be the dead air between them, as he sighs and looks back at the clock he’s been staring at all along. Tighnari follows suit as he watches his gaze:

12:48

“I…don’t want you to go.” He finally admits, as his hug would only grow tight and tighter by the minute. He still hadn’t let go of him actually.

“I am that selfish. I really don’t want you to go. I’ve experienced what it’s like to be left by you, and I’ll admit that I don’t want that to happen again.” He reiterates as he closes his eyes, anticipating some of his boyfriend’s sharp comments that he might throw at him.

“I see.” Was all that Tighnari could say.

“You value your work very much, and I appreciate that. My work in the academy is something you know I value highly as well! But yours…” Cyno trails as he tries to keep his voice from trembling. He feels the wetness around his eyes.

“…We both don’t know when I’ll come back.”

Tighnari finishes Cyno’s sentence with a blank look on his face.

Admittedly, his past researches had made him unsure of the longevity of his time away from him. It took him two months for his first, six months for his second, three months for his third, and a year for his fourth! And those are only selected from many! His research is seriously taking lifetimes away from him.

He feels his shoulder shaking and moving, hearing muffled sobbing and sniffing, while he looks straight, towards nothingness.

-

As the motion on his shoulders gets weaker and weaker made him irresolute, an undecided Tighnari asks his Akasha terminal of the date:

12:52 - Sunday, December 29

He sighs as he realizes what this day means. However, he doesn’t want to tell him, it would stress him even further, and considering how stressed he is right now, it won’t help the situation.

After a little while, the sniffs continued to stop. The wet feeling he had on his shoulders stopped flowing. Slight dampness poured over Tighnari’s clothes.

“You—you claim to say that I…am just as important as your work, right?” Cyno pleads with his boyfriend as let his defenses down and allowed his heart to speak.

“So, stay with me! Don’t go, just this once…”

Cyno is at his most vulnerable now.

He pulled away from Tighnari and waited for his reply.

Just please, stay.

“Cyno…” Tighnari spoke.

“You are the love of my life, and I love you…”

As he stands up from the stool and faces Cyno, paying attention to his eyes that has swelled from crying before, and may swell again.

“But…”

“BUT WHAT?!” Cyno shouts at him instinctively.

Tighnari was stunned in silence and started acting with hesitation in every little movement he makes: From where to put his hands to how he should stand. Those feet seem to be dancing.

…

…

…

“I have to do this. I really have to do this, Cyno. You know this has been my entire life…I can’t stop now.”

As Tighnari sighs, realizing the things that he had said, how bitter it would be not just for Cyno but for him as well. Even so, he clings to that little hope that Cyno may come to understand his reasons, like back then before.

There’s no turning back.

“Then GO!” Cyno shouts back at him.

Truth be told, it hurts for him to say that. For such a stoic man to become an emotional mess from a few spoken words is something that he is still getting used to. Tighnari has done that to him, and he didn’t regret any bit of it, but he didn’t expect that he will do it again in this manner.

“Get OUT OF HERE!” He continues to shout as he gestures to the camp and research equipment that Tighnari has prepared.

He turns back as he cannot bear to look at Tighnari anymore.

Never before has been his voice be full of emotions. He had always reserved himself just so he could successfully avoid letting anyone see any possible vulnerabilities he might’ve had, except for his boyfriend. Even then, it had never grown to this magnitude.

“I’ve…I’ve given up! I can do everything yet it absolutely won’t go in my favor…”

Cyno appeared to be beaten by Tighnari’s insistence.

“I’m sorry, Cyno.”

Was all Tighnari could say as he witnessed his boyfriend’s anger.

Cyno mustered all of his emotional stability just so he could only look at Tighnari: Speechless and full of guilt. He never meant to lash out at him like that, but his patience has run out.

Especially not how many times he’d tried before.

-

Tighnari walked towards Cyno to hug him, regardless if it means anything or not. To see Cyno like this, it was appalling, and he knows full well that it’s his fault. With how long they’ve been together, he somehow hopes that this would not affect their relationship more than it has to.

Cyno sees Tighnari going towards him, expecting a hug like he’d always give, but his expression gave that careless look. Instead, he only seemed to care about the time as he looked at the clock:

12:59

Shit.

Cyno realizes what’s about to happen.

And as he thought of it, he feels his vision getting blurry; darkness enveloping his peripheral vision. A sudden rush of weakness spread throughout his body; especially his legs that are draining from energy that allowed him to move. But now, he doubts if he can even stand for any longer.

“Cyno, what’s wrong?” Tighnari asks him with a curious look, anxiety infecting his tone of voice.

It’s too late…

Cyno tries to speak but to no avail, even just as Tighnari is attempting to support him, he is losing his posture. The muddiness of his head is starting to get heavy and he starts hyperventilating as he tries to get ahold of himself. The panic is setting in.

“CYNO!”

It was the last thing he ever heard from him before pure black took over.

-

A sudden loud gasp was heard in a bedroom.

The man looked shocked as if he’s had a horrific nightmare. With widened eyes and alert senses, he attempts to recover his distraught state of mind and troubled breathing. His distress prompting him to carefully examine his area to make sure that he’s not in any danger.

After a short while, he manages to compose himself towards a state of normalcy. He’s calmed down at the moment. He finds out that he was sleeping in the cabin. His figure being more relaxed as he grasps this reality. He quickly looks to the empty space on the bed in his right.

Oh, I’m back here again.

He gets his Akasha he removed prior on the drawer without looking as if it's déjà vu, and asks it about the time and date:

8:50 - Saturday, December 28

“Cyno?”

A voice was heard followed by the creaking of a door.

“Cyno, what happened? I heard a loud noise coming from here…”

It’s him.

The man with foxlike ears stared at Cyno with a curious expression.

Cyno inhales and exhales to release any traces of edginess he had experienced waking up.

“It’s fine, Nari. It’s nothing really…” Cyno answers assuredly.

Oh, darling. We’re back here again.

-

“Well, you better get up! I’ve prepared you breakfast on the counter. Oh, and after that, help me pack my belongings, alright? I know it’s still in midnight but I have a lot of things to carry, okay love?”

Tighnari asks cheerfully.

Cyno would just keep staring back at Tighnari with an innocent look on his gaze.

“Well…?”

Tighnari asks once more.

=

Do I have to subject myself through all of this again?

Whatever I do, it’s always the same outcome.

We couldn’t even celebrate your birthday this time properly.

It seems so never-ending.

How much long should I be stuck like this?

What’s the meaning of all of it?

=

“Yes, my Nari. I will help you.”

He answers back with a smile on his face.

His boyfriend would give the largest smile he has ever given him, as a 'thank you' for reflecting his upbeat confidence in helping him with his errand at later midnight.

Hey, that’s the first time since you smiled that big!

“Alright, alright! Well, what are you waiting for? Come with me at the counter and eat before the food gets cold. I’ll give you a kiss after!”

Tighnari remarks as he goes to the living room, leaving Cyno alone.

-

I never quite realized how much time I’ve been given with Tighnari this way.

Cyno closes his eyes, trying to fathom that sweet but cruel manner of having his time with him.

But is it worth it if he chooses to leave him in the end?

The pain of having to beg for him to stay.

The pain of bearing his priorities for work over me.

…

…

…

Maybe.

He sighs.

“I wish it was morning forever…”