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dingyuxi · 4 years

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COMPREHENSIVE GIFFING TUTORIAL (vapoursynth + ps cc 2018) + some tips and tricks on color correction, blending and subtitles

You guys asked for it, so here we are! This is by no means the gold standard to giffing. Rather, this is simply my process and my own preferences. Take it as you will. Additionally since I use a mac some of my controls/panels may look different than what you would see for windows users.

DOWNLOADING YOUR SOURCE

This step is extremely important to the quality of your gifset. If you want high-quality gifs I would recommend giffing sources in 1080p whenever possible (especially if you’re going for larger dimensions). You may get away with 720p for smaller gifs. For kdramas, your go-to source would be dr*maday or torrents. (you can search my faq tag if you’d like to know specifics on finding and downloading torrents).

IMPORTING + PROCESSING YOUR FILES WITH VAPOURSYNTH (VS)

Please note that this tutorial does not cover basic installation and set-up of vs. If you would like to know how to download and set-up vapoursynth (it works for both mac and pc) along with some of it’s basics you can find more information at: https://hackmd.io/@nibreon/vapoursynth-book/%2F%40nibreon%2Fvapoursynth-book

Once you’ve identified what portion of your video you’d like to gif, simply drag your video file into VS. Specify the start time and duration of the clip you’d like to import. Typically you’ll be aiming for ~3-8 second clip depending on how big your gifs will be. I am very lazy when it comes to importing. The less of it I have to do, the better. Therefore, I often import clips that are 10-15 seconds long, sometimes even up to 20 seconds. I wouldn’t recommend going over 15 seconds most of the time though, because this will usually bring you over the 500 frames photoshop allows you to import at once. (when I do go over, I will sometimes import the processed VS file into PS in segments). You can also choose to import the VS output as segments if you want all your gifs on separate canvases. (I'll go into more detail on this later)

Once you’ve imported the clip into VS your screen should roughly look like this once the resizer pops up:

In the top left is where you will be applying your cropping, sharpening and denoising filters. Cropping: Keep in mind the Tumblr dimensions: 540px for full-width gifs and 268px for half size gifs, 177/178/177px for 3 gifs across. The height is completely up to your own preference. Usually I work in 540x300px. Once you edit those parameters you can drag/resize your video file to fit your new canvas. Sharpening + Denoising: You can choose to skip this if you would rather sharpen in ps. I personally do all my cropping, denoising and sharpening in vs. I use finesharp and KNML for sharpening and denoising respectively. Once you select those two filters from their drop down menus, be sure the select the checkbox as well. You should now notice 2 additional lines of code in the top right box. The line that reads: video = core.knlm.KNLMeansCL(video, 0, 6, 4, 1.2, channels="YUV") is where you will adjust your denoising parameters. You will only be adjusting those 4 numbers. I usually use: 0, 1, 0, 1.2. Now find the line that reads: video = hnw.FineSharp(video, sstr=0.22). These are your sharpening parameters. once again we’re only adjusting the number at the end. I typically use somewhere between 0.33-0.55. Depending on the quality of your source and preferences these parameters may change.

Here is a breakdown of the KNML parameters (source: @/nibreon HackMD):

Once you have finalized your parameters, copy all the code in that top right box and paste it into your vapoursynth editor. Note: you can ‘inactivate’ certain lines of code by adding the # symbol at the start the line. That line of code will then be greyed-out. This is what your code should now look like (the highlighted section is the part I just copy and pasted):

If you would like to preview your filters and see if you need to make any adjustments, simply navigate to the top bar and select script > preview. If you like what you see, great! If not, you can adjust the parameters directly in the editor until you see a result you’re happy with. Once you’re happy you can move onto the final step in vs: processing.

Processing: Once again, navigate to the top bar and select script > encode video. Another window should pop up. Make sure you set ‘header’ to ‘Y4M’ then click ‘start’. Patiently wait for that to finish processing. The longer your clip is and the more filters you add, the longer it will take.

IMPORTING YOUR CLIP INTO PHOTOSHOP (PS)

Now you’re done with the vapoursynth section! Not too hard, right? I use the timeline method when I gif. To import your video file into ps navigate to file > import > video frames to layers. Here you can use the sliders to further specify what range you would like to import. Make sure the ‘make frame animation’ box is checked. To optimize smoothness of your gif, avoid checking the ‘limit to every _ frames’ box. Hit ‘OK’ and wait for the frames to import. Depending on the size of your clip, ps may notify you that you are importing a large file and it may take a long time to process, simply say ‘ok’ to this. UNLESS you get a message saying it will limit to 500 frames. This means your clips contained more than 500 frames and you should select a smaller section to avoid cutting out any critical parts. (Note: you can always go back and repeat this process to select a smaller range of frames from the same video clip until you’ve imported all the frames you need).

Timing: You can adjust the timing of your gifs before converting to timeline. Select all the frames (Navigate to the icon with the 4 bars at the bottom right of you screen. Select “select all frames”). Click the drop down next to the timing of any of the frames. Select ‘other’ and input a your preferred timing. I personally use ‘0.04′ but I've seen people use anywhere from 0.4-0.8ms. Also as a note: when you convert your gif to timeline it has a tendency to mess up your timing so even if you input 0.04 or 0.05 it won’t actually be that timing later. If you want the true frame rate you can set your timing right before saving. You can also adjust timing at the end. (see export/saving gif section for more info)

Now the next part can be tedious and for that reason I’ve created numerous actions to speed up this process. But for the sake of this tutorial I will walk you through the steps. At the bottom of your screen is your timeline. As you can see, it defaults to frames, but we want to convert this into a smart object so that all your coloring/edits are made to all of the layers. To do this: 1) Navigate to the icon with the 4 bars at the bottom right of you screen. Select “select all frames” 2) Now select all your layers in your layer panel. On mac you can use cmd + option + A as a shortcut. 3) Back to the icon with the 4 bars, select “convert to video timeline” 4) Right click on all layers (which should still all be selected) and find “convert to smart object”

(Aside: Actions) actions are SUPER helpful to streamlining your giffing process. you can find actions people have made available on resource blogs like itsphotoshop OR you can choose to make your own custom actions. To do this, all you need to do is locate your action panel. Then from the controls at the bottom of the panel select the one that looks like a sheet of paper to “create a new action” Once you’ve named it and hit ‘ok’ the record icon should now be red. PS will now basically ‘record’ whatever you do. To stop recording hit the square icon. Now whenever you want ps to execute the same set of steps you just did, you can locate the action you just made and ‘play’ it by selecting the triangle icon. I highly recommend making an action for the steps I just outlined above to convert your gif into a smart object timeline. It will make your process much faster and more painless.

COLORING

Now the fun part! I focus on emphasizing the colors already present in the video source or getting rid of some less-than desirable overtones when I color. It gives the gif a natural look, but makes everything pop a little more. We will be working with selective color, curves, levels, and brightness/contrast mostly. This is the original gif I will be using to demonstrate coloring:

Curves: I always start with curves. The first curve layer I use to set a desirable black point. To do this, locate the top dropper icon from the curves panel and select the darkest point of your image. This will set that section to “true black” Feel free to play around with this until you find a desirable outcome. Now add another curves layer. This one we will be using to adjust the brightness/contrast. First, I always start off with ‘auto’ and see where that takes me. If you like the outcome, great! If you don’t play around with the different curve points until you get an outcome you like.

Selective Color: This adjustment layer will be your best friend. For me, I will typically work with reds, yellows, and black. If the source has a lot of blue/cyan I will use those too. Basically look at your source and determine which base colors you’d like to emphasize/alter. For blacks I usually up the black by +1-5 depending on the source. For reds, it also depends on the source. But I will typically either decrease cyan (to make red stand out more) or increase cyan (to make the red not look so overexposed). You want to be careful here. Overexposing the red can make your skin tones look like red tomatoes! And for my content base, where most of the actors are of asian descent, we should be emphasizing the yellows and NOT the reds (see aside on color correction + skin tones for more info). After altering the reds to my liking, I do the same process for the yellows. To bring back natural skin tones and color, you will likely want to darken the yellows, expose them a bit more and maybe even up the yellow slider. A common rule of thumb: if you want to make any of the colors less exposed, increase the cyan. If you want to increase exposure on any of the colors, decrease the cyan. If you want a color to appear more strongly or prominently, increase the black. The magentas and yellows I use more to adjust hues. You can add multiple selective color layers to further emphasize your changes.

Levels: Now we will work on the lighting some more. This creates more contrast and depth to your gif, often making them look ‘crisper’ To emphasize the bright parts, move the right-hand slider to the left. The emphasize the dark parts, move the left-hand slider to the right. You may also choose to move the middle slider to adjust more neutral lighting. Do so until you find a setting to your liking.

Miscellaneous: Depending on your gif you may need to play with other adjustment layers. Some other ones I often use are the brightness/contrast and exposure to adjust lighting and add more dimension to the gif. For additional color correction I use color balance and to a lesser extent hue/saturation and vibrance.

(Aside: Color correction + skin tones): We are anti-whitewashing and anti-redwashing when it comes to asian media. Like I mentioned earlier, natural asian skin tones have yellow undertones, not red/pink. Therefore when you’re bringing in color you should be mindful of this delicate balance. Adding more red does NOT equal un-whiteashing. Be VERY careful how you balance the yellows with selective color/hues/color balance.

^^ Here is an example of what I mean by overexposing the reds. Poor seungho is looking as sunburnt as a cherry tomato. Note: if your original source is already overexposed with red, fix it! You can do this by applying the same basic principles I explained earlier. Try upping the cyan on the reds in selective color, or shifting the color balance to favor cyan over red with the color balance adjustment layer. You may also choose to favor the yellow over blue.

^^ Now this is straight-up whitewashing. This is what happens when you are not careful with your correction of yellow. I’m not saying you can’t touch the yellow slider or get rid of some yellow form the overall image (because sometimes it is very much needed), but you should be very mindful how your corrections can affect skin tones. If you decide to decrease saturation of yellows, or decrease yellow in the selective color section of the reds, do so with caution. If your reds are looking too pink, add some yellow in the red selective color, up the yellow and black of the yellow selective color.

^^ If you hit that happy medium, you can emphasize the natural skin tones without overexposure. Here the underlying tones are very much still in the yellow range.

(Aside: Blending): I will very briefly talk about how to blend two gifs together. First make sure you’ve imported both your gifs into ps and converted them into the timeline format. On one of the gifs, right click the gif layer in the layer panel > duplicate layer > select the canvas of the gif you’d like to blend the gif with. On the canvas you just copied your second gif to, you can now drag the two layers around the on the canvas to get your desired positioning. On the top gif apply a layer mask. This can be found in your layers panel at the bottom, and is indicated by the white rectangle with the circle. Next, make sure you select the mask in the layer panel (it will show up as a white rectangle on the layer you applied the mask). Grab your paintbrush tool and make sure your color is set to black. Now you can effectively ‘erase’ the part of the top gif you don’t want to show anymore. I recommend setting your brush hardness to 0% to get a smoother transition. You can also play with the opacity settings. If you want to add back in a part you erased, just switch to a white paintbrush and you will be able to undo what you had just ‘erased’ with the black. When you merge the gifs, they will play the same number of frames. This means your blended gif length is limited by the gif with the fewer number of frames. You can move around your timeline layer and shorten the included portion by dragging either end of the timeline layer in until you get both gifs to play the parts you want.

CAPTIONS/SUBTITLES

I often get asked about my subtitle font/styling settings. Personally I find the best fonts for subtitles are calibri and arial. I use calibri with the following settings: 12-14px, bold italic plus faux bold, 1px black stroke (optional: drop shadow set to ‘multiply’ at around 85% opacity), and tracking (VA) set to 75. If you would like your subtitles to fade-in or fade-out you can apply the ‘fade effect’. Locate the b/w square icon in your timeline panel. Select fade and drag it onto your text layer in your timeline. You can then right click on the wedge shape to adjust your fade duration. I usually use 0.35s. If you drag and drop the effect towards the beginning of your text you can get the fade-in effect. To get the fade-out, simply drag and drop your fade towards the end of your text layer.

SAVING/EXPORTING YOUR GIF

We’ve reached the final stretch! If you need to adjust your frame rate timing: you will need to revert your timeline to frames. To do this: 1) Navigate to the icon of 4 bars at the right of your timeline panel. Select convert frames > flatten frames into clips. 2) Navigate to the icon of 4 bars at the right of your timeline panel. Select convert frames > convert to frame animation > when promoted hit ’ok’. If at this point you see more than one frame in your timeline panel, delete the frames until only one is left. In the example below I would delete the first frame by hitting the trash icon from the timeline panel.

If there is only one frame, leave it as is. 3) Navigate to the icon of 4 bars at the right of your timeline panel. Select ‘make frames from layers’ You will most likely need to delete the first frame in your timeline panel (it won’t have your coloring). Sometimes ps adds in some ‘blank’ frames as well, delete those too. Now you can adjust your timing.

Once your timing is set: When you’re saving your gif, just keep in mind it must be under 10mb. Navigate to file > export > save for web. When it comes to your save settings I typically use either selective diffusion or adaptive diffusion. I also also occasionally use adaptive pattern (I find this is best for dark scenes without a lot of contrast). Set colors to 256, quality to bicubic and looping options to forever. If you want to preview your gif, hit the preview button in the bottom left. Otherwise, go ahead a hit ‘save’ and you’re DONE!

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

Feel free to check out my ‘ps things’ tag for more photoshop stuff/mini tutorials. Additionally @/nibreon and the hackmd site I linked previously are your best resources for vs questions. If you would like to see my giffing process in motion feel free to check out this video. It’s sped up but you can slow down the playback. Additionally be sure to check out resource blogs like itsphotoshop for more helpful tutorials and resources.

If you reached the end of this beast, kudos to you! I hope this helps and never be afraid to reach out with any questions.

#gif tutorial #itsphotoshop #resources #kdramaedit #ps things #m:tut

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fantasy-anatomy-analyst · 4 years

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Flight Cycle Animations

Made em myself and oof I am exhausted. I had one animation class in college. Just the one. I can’t do much more than these short cycles (though I am working on some longer ones at the moment).

Disclaimer: these gifs are not a perfect reference for flight, I recommend looking up videos of birds and bats flying in slow motion for better references. These are just meant to be samples of how winged people would need to move their wings and whole bodies a lot more than we usually see in movies and tv. I figured it would work better as a visual in motion as well as a written description.

(Description: a bird winged person and bat winged person flying in a looped gif. They are shown from the side here, with their wing bones highlighted in red.)

It was hard to keep everything consistently sized, but anyway. Heads should stay pretty still, this is called "head tracking" and if a flying creature can’t do this they won’t be able to see straight while they fly. Hips should move a lot when flying, because tails are just as much a part of the motion as wings are. In the case of birds, their tails tend to move opposite to their wings, flaring outwards as well. In the case of bats, their wings are attached to their legs and tail if they have one, so their hips will follow the motion of the wings. (And with bat winged people it’s always a tail because the wing membrane would disrupt the bipedalism otherwise).

Bat wings usually have a deeper downstroke than bird wings, and their finger joints allow for more precise wing shaping in flight, curling upwards close to the body for the upstroke. Bird wings in casual flight will have shallower wing strokes than bat wings, sometimes not even coming all the way up depending on the flight speed. They also keep their wingtips closer to the body on the upstroke. Like how when you’re swimming it’s easier to pull your arm up elbow-first to avoid drag.

Definitely look up specific birds and bats in slow motion if you can, flying is a very complex and nuanced form of movement and I can’t describe every detail of it myself. Wing shape, flight speed, air currents, etc can all affect the way a creature flies.

(Description: same as above, but now the winged people are shown flying towards the viewer, and their wing bones are not highlighted.)

Honestly it’s a little easier to draw normal flight from the front lol it lets me show the movement of the wings better. (Foreshortening wings is freakin tricky and I’ve been working on that for years, it’s so much harder than foreshortening other limbs.) It’s a bit easier to see the bird tail motion here, the way it flares out when it dips down.

(Description: a looped gif of a bird winged person and a bat winged person hovering, shown from the side. There is also an example of how not to hover, depicted by a common trope of a winged person floating vertically in the air with their wings held straight out to the side. Their body kind of bobs up and down while their wings move mainly from the shoulder, looking more like signal flags than actual flapping wings.)

Not all birds and bats can hover and it kind of requires extremely fast flapping, with a very particular motion to it which is hard to depict at any angle. But it’s okay to fudge that a little for the sake of your winged people. The motion is rather circular, wings go out to the side, push down, and then the wrist pushes forward. On the way back up, the wrist folds straight back and the whole wing will fold in super close to the body, then quickly rotate outwards to come back straight out behind the body and repeat. That’s how it works in the best videos of hovering birds I could find, which were kingfishers. I could not locate a video of a bat hovering that was quite as thorough but I gathered that it works in a very similar way.

Except hummingbirds, those are a whole category of their own. I might have to make a specific post on hummingbird wings someday because they are just that unique.

And as seen on the end there, my pet peeve. I see this in live action and cartoons. The weird vertical hover where the person just sorta floats there and moves their wings flatly up and down (or worse, they don’t move their wings at all). This is not a functional way to fly. The wings are not catching any air. They’re going to fall right out of the sky. And what is the point of giving a character wings as an actual body part if you’re just going to depict them magically floating? It’s not nearly as fun.

(Also here is the previous post where I go over some movie/cartoon gifs of people with wings)

#accessible art #image description #accessible images #wing tips #animation

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angelanimedesaray · 4 years

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Through the Looking Glass Chapter 9: April

AN: I’m getting ahead of the question now and stating that in this world, AOT isn’t an anime (Poor souls). So no, the Reader isn’t going to become omnipotent to Levi’s life/world.

They did not binge this in one day. The first round, for sure they did, but it was a little broken up in spurts. For the sake of brevity, considering this was already going to be a long chapter, I cut out all the flickering back and forth and just focused on their Movie Nights and them watching the show.

It might feel a weird mix of rushed and long, because they’re watching the entirety of Your Lie In April, but I wasn’t going to transcribe the whole show, so there’s a lot of summarizing and cutting things out and highlighting certain pieces, but its still long because there’s a LOT to cover.

Also because of how emotional this chapter is actually going to be, I want to just remind...that Levi is like, mid teens, and hasn’t gone through much of the stuff that adult Levi has been through, so in my mind, that justifies a bit more of a REACTION for some of this stuff. But he’s still Levi, and he’s still going to be reserved and such, just...not as controlled as Adult Levi.

This whole chapter is like one big lead up to the next chapter, funnily enough. XD

Also got to listen to “Constellation” by Far Out feat. Karra on repeat writing this. It felt so fitting!

I’m putting quotes from Your Lie in April in italics with quotes and an indent like this, so its clear that they came from the show. Levi’s thoughts/memories will just be in italics, no indention .

Characters: Levi, Reader

Pairing: (Eventual Levi x Reader)

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR “YOUR LIE IN APRIL”, Angst, FEELINGS, Language

Word Count: 10994

<----Previous Chapter Masterlist Next Chapter---->

*Levi’s POV*

At long last, Y/N was finally going to show him those movie, show things she kept talking about. He knew plays and acting and putting on an act, but the concept of a show that was saved so you could watch it whenever you wanted without having to make people do it over and over was novel to him.

Boisterously proclaiming that it was going to be a “Movie Night” day, she’d grabbed his hand and dragged him after her like she’d used to do when they were young, despite his protests. To be fair, he didn’t try too hard to wiggle away, either, letting her pull him along to the living room as she fussed and tried to decide what they were going to watch.

After all of her attempts to explain what a movie or TV show was, she decided that the best way to explain it to him was just to show him, though she still had to stop and explain the type of show they were watching.

“Okay, so what I’m showing you right now, is actually called an anime. It’s a type of animation from a country called Japan, and it’s made from computers or hand drawn. They draw the story, picture by picture, and put it together to make the characters and such move, with actors doing their voices and recording it in time with the pictures, sound effects like bells and wind also being saved, background music, so on and so forth,” she explained as she cut up pieces of paper and layered them on top of each other, pulling out a pencil and drawing a circle on each page, moving its position slightly each time. “See, if you do it frame by frame, and then move it really fast, it's like the ball is bouncing--animation, and anime, works off the same concept, except they’re drawing everything,” she continued to explain, grabbing the bottom page and then letting the papers rapidly spring free, causing Levi to see the ball she drew appear to move along the page, even though he knew it was a bunch of individual drawings going by rapidly.

“They draw a solid background that doesn’t move, and then they add another layer on top that you can see through like glass, but they draw the moving parts on that layer, so it looks like they’re in the solid background and they’re walking and whatnot. It’s really cool--makes me wish I could draw,” she continued, putting aside the papers she’d used for her demonstration and picking up the controller so she could get them started, gesturing for Levi to take a seat on the couch. “I haven’t seen this one yet, but a friend recommended I watch it cause I love music, and I play the piano, and she said it was a really good coming of age story. I’m a little wary cause she said she wanted my reaction to the end, but she usually suggests stuff I love, so I’m gonna trust it,” she continued to babble as the screen lit up with colors and pictures like a computer screen, most of it nonsensical to Levi as she shifted rapidly past most of it looking for the specific show.

She stopped on something extremely colorful, blues and yellows and pinks and reds in vibrant color with four drawn people lying in what looked like the sky, and she abruptly turned to face him. “Are you okay with having to read what they say? The original is in a different language, so it’ll have subtitles at the bottom translating what they say. There are other versions where they redid the speaking parts in different languages, but I really like listening to the original--I feel like it really gets the emotions across because it's so well done.”

Levi hesitated for a moment, contemplating her offer of putting it in a language they understood or keeping the original and having to read what they were saying. Eventually, he just shrugged. “Whichever you want.”

“Subtitles it is,” she said, turning back to the TV and messing with a few things before she finally started the show, coming over to sit by him on the couch. He was sitting normally, his ankle propped up on his leg with one arm resting against the back of the couch, the other lying casually in his lap. Y/N, however, sat directly beside him, his arm behind her shoulders and her side pressed slightly against his, causing Levi to glance at her, mind flashing back to how she’d sat at the piano with him not too long ago. She wasn’t even glancing at him, though, gradually relaxing next to him like a kitten curling up to get warm, her eyes fixed on the colorful display that was now on the TV.

Turning his attention back to the TV, Levi studied the images in front of him, a cheerful bit of piano music fluttering towards them as vibrant and colorful images of a girl chasing a black cat moved seamlessly across the screen, much smoother than the quickly drawn bouncing ball Y/N had put together to describe what they would be watching.

If she was trying to sneak a peak of his reaction, she would catch his eyes had widened at the vibrant colors and amazing detail, the realistic sounds that came through and made him want to check and see if the piano behind them was being played, or there were people hiding somewhere making the character’s voices and singing the song as the scene suddenly shifted to what Y/N described to him as an intro, a quick prologue of sorts that set the tone of the show. Thankfully, however, she’d already explained to him that the sounds were done beforehand, recorded and somehow stored so it would be repeated to the images on the screen as they watched.

It was a little...outside his realm of understanding, how it all worked, and he had the sneaking suspicion he’d just have to accept that it just was and he needed to sit back and try to enjoy it. That was how a show was supposed to work, right? And that was exactly what Y/N seemed to be doing.

As she had warned him, the characters were speaking an entirely different language, so Levi couldn’t understand what was being said on its own. Thankfully, there were the subtitles to translate, Levi’s gaze flickering between reading the small letters to looking at the colorful screen to see what was happening, trying not to get too caught up in the details he didn’t understand, like the games the kids were playing, and how different the environment was even to what he saw in Y/N’s world.

At least the basic stuff he could easily make sense of--the main character was obviously the quiet and reserved, black haired, blue eyed pianist Kousei, and the characters were around Levi and Y/N’s age. The point of the story wasn’t clear yet, but she’d explained this was going to be episodic--it would be played like chapters in a novel, stopping at the end of a chapter before they would have to start the next one. So it might be a while before he started catching that. Right now, they were meeting characters, finding out their relationship to one another and getting hints at the history between them all.

Like the fact that Kousei lived alone because his father was absent, and his mother was deceased. She’d succumbed to illness when he was still young. That alone had the stirrings of empathy settling in Levi’s chest for the main character. He couldn’t relate to the abuse, but the desire to make her better, that somehow he could do something to make her feel better did resonate. It made him listen to their conversations a bit more, since he already had a foothold and something relatable.

Once he started drawing comparisons to the story unfolding in front of him, he couldn’t stop noticing them.

“The moment I met him, my life changed. Everything I saw, heard, and felt. All the scenery around me started to take on color. The whole world began to sparkle.”

A world of monotone, devoid of color, until he meets a certain vibrant youth who brings a sudden rush of color and life into the world around her, dragging Kousei in by the hand--as if he could ever resist the force of nature she was.

Hm. He wondered who that reminded him of.

He didn’t even notice when the “chapter” ended and the next started, his gaze flickering subtly towards Y/N on the couch beside him, appearing just as taken by the story as he already was.

However, this new chapter did bring about new questions, and was a bit closer to his grasp of understanding after watching Y/N play music for so long.

“Do you ever do competitions?” Levi asked as the characters walked around the competition and the history Kousei had at this specific building was teased, easily able to see that there was a piano on the stage despite it being a violin competition. Surely if there were competitions for violins, there were for pianos?

She shook her head, chewing slightly on her lower lip as she answered him. “No way--I play piano for myself and a few people. I’m not looking to make a career of it or become famous for it. Not to mention, I don’t think I’m cut out for competitions. There’s a lot of pressure, and they’re really strict about playing the pieces exactly how they were originally written. I want to play the piano how I feel, and that’s not always by paying attention to how it's written on the sheet.”

“And violins? What are they like?” he asked. He hadn’t seen or heard a violin yet, and was curious to hear what they would sound like.

“They’re a string instrument--portable, small. Really beautiful, too--they’re my second favorite instrument. They usually pair wonderfully with pianos--I’m pretty sure it’s common for a piano to accompany a violin in shows and competitions.”

Levi hushed with his questions again as the scenes playing out on the TV continued to unfold and the first violin performer took the stage, Levi hearing the light and lively music of the violin for the first time, the same song being performed over and over by the nondescript and nameless musicians on the stage in the show.

Beside him, Y/N was slowly tilting her head side to side as she listened to the music being played, eyes fixed on the screen. She must have felt almost in her element watching this, while Levi felt a bit more like Tsubaki, not understanding a lot of the names and such that were being thrown around by the characters in discussion, but still there to enjoy it nonetheless. When Kousei was tapping his fingers on the armchair to the piano music, Levi’s gaze flickered to Y/N to see if she was doing something similar, since she seemed focused on the music as well. It wasn’t as precise as Kousei, maybe she wasn’t playing every note in her head, but her fingers were lightly tapping against her legs like she wanted to be playing the keys on the piano.

Then came Kaori’s first performance.

Watching, Levi felt a familiarity in the girl’s intensity, once again reminded of the girl sitting next to him, who seemed to throw herself into every aspect of life around her--at least compared to him. There was a tension in the air, a feeling that this was going to be much different than the music they’d been hearing up until this point. Even Y/N had stilled next to him, eyes riveted to the girl on the screen.

The first notes were shocking. After listening to Y/N play the piano for so long, even his unprofessional, inexperienced ear could hear the shift in the sound, and how rich and deep it suddenly was. Beside him, Y/N shifted into a more upright position, eyes suddenly lighting up and sparkling as she leaned forward, her breath catching. The ripple through the audience wasn’t just in the show, but in reality, as the two of them on the couch suddenly focused entirely on Kaori’s performance.

The girl’s eyes flashed on screen, and the music suddenly leapt to life before them, making his own heart seem to pound a little faster, the sounds pleasant and uplifting to his ears, making him restless in a good way. It sounded similar to when Y/N played the piano with him that one day, not necessarily in skill, but in the life and emotion that was in it.

Like Y/N, Kaori was pouring herself into her playing, she shone brightly through in the piece, made like it was pulling back a curtain to reveal a part of her soul. Kousei even said as much, stating that Kaori was making the piece hers and hers alone.

The performance ended, and Y/N suddenly grabbed his arm with a squeal. “That was awesome! I’m going to have to find a recording of that!” she said breathlessly. Her excitement was infectious, and almost prompted Levi towards a smile as they slowly settled back onto the couch, the story progressing in front of them.

She was such a stark contrast to the black haired youth in front of her, the whirlwind to his reserved personality, but even she would show flashes of vulnerability, for his eyes only, it seemed. And he did what he could to hide what he could in order to protect her, without her ever knowing, probably.

Wait, was he still thinking about Kaori and Kousei?

Levi shook his head, focusing back on what was happening, reading Kousei’s contemplations about how he could still hear the refrain of the music Kaori played in the competition he witnessed, over and over.

Levi’s fingers tapped slightly against the back of the couch and in his lap, barely tapping out the melodies for the song they’d played on the piano the other day, music he heard even when he was alone with his thoughts in his own world, still able to feel her fingers aligned with his, guiding him through each key. He’d find himself tapping them out in rare moments of idleness, like he was still clinging to the memory of the sound even if he didn’t have a piano in his world.

Y/N shifted entirely back to her relaxed position against Levi’s side, head brushing briefly against his shoulder and making his skin tingle where the brief contact had been, his stomach squirming.

Kaori dragged poor Kousei around everywhere, usually into situations far out of his comfort zone, and far more aggressively than a certain someone sitting beside him. However, it seemed like more often then not, those situations were wonderful places that he wouldn’t have found or experienced on his own.

She brought color to his monochrome life.

Where he was hidden in shadows, she was cast in light, and she didn’t hesitate to pull him into the sun.

”I know you’re broken and beat up, but I want you. I choose you. I want you here.”

The beginning chapters seemed to fly by quickly, with Kaori pushing Kousei more and more, and beside Levi, Y/N seemed to be slowly wiggling closer to him. Was it intentional? Did she realize she was doing it? He did--he seemed hypersensitive to every motion, yet he didn’t pull away, didn’t even twitch. He stayed still, like sudden movement might frighten her away as easily as a stray cat.

As intriguing as the events on the screen were--and he was taking in the information, such as how Kousei used to have a black cat, how he couldn’t hear the sound of the piano after his mother died and quit piano directly afterwards, important stuff like that--Levi’s thoughts kept wandering as he watched.

He thought of how beautiful the trees with the pink petals were, how breathtaking every scene with them was, and how prominently they seemed to feature in every scene that had something meaningful going on. Y/N called them cherry blossom trees. He wanted to see one. What would it look like? What would the scene be if he stood under one with her?

Before he knew it, Kaori had cornered Kousei into accompanying her on the piano, and they were rushing towards another performance. Anticipation stirred in the air between him and Y/N, both of them wondering how this piece would sound, considering Kousei had already been framed as a child prodigy on the piano, and they knew Kaori was breathtaking. What would it sound like when they played together? Levi worried about how it would turn out, how Kousei seemed to be unraveling in front of them just before they went up on stage.

Before Kaori gave him a literal smack to get him out of his own head.

As lighthearted and carefree as she seemed to be, every now and then, she would drop these little petals of wisdom.

Levi’s gaze flickered to Y/N again.

Her eyes would shift from a sparkle that almost seemed naive to a depth he hadn’t expected to see, and she’d say something that seemed beyond her years.

“Go on a journey. A man away from home need feel no shame.”

“Natural. Bizarre. It’s like this girl herself is the journey with no clear destination.”

“You’re Freedom Itself.”

The couple took the stage. The song started out slow, sensual, peaceful. It reminded him slightly of the song Y/N taught him.

Before, predictably, Kaori brought her wild, fast paced playing back, bringing liveliness to the performance. It started beautifully, but just as the music seemed to portray some kind of descent, Kousei lost sense of the notes, the sound distorted even for them, listening, as if they were Kousei, only able to faintly hear Kaori while the rest sounded muffled, strangled out by water. When they were allowed to hear the sound again, it was off, it sounded harsh and jarring, out of sync. Not at all pleasant.

Considering the earlier mentioned problems, he should have known this wasn’t going to be a perfect and completely enjoyable performance. It was grating, and while he understood the emotional significance of seeing Kousei give up halfway through, his ears were a little grateful by that point.

The surprise was seeing Kaori stop as well. He’d thought perhaps something would urge Kousei to start playing again, but he hadn’t expected Kaori to stop in the process. Beside him, Y/N seemed to be biting on her thumbnail, her brows furrowed as she watched the screen in concern, a frown on her face, leg shifting restlessly around on the couch as she suddenly curled closer to Levi, directly against his side, oblivious to the surprised look he shot her because she was so focused with what was happening on the screen.

“Maybe there’s only a dark road up ahead. But you still have to believe and keep going. Believe that the stars will light your path, even a little bit.”

Kaori began to play again, the sound of just the violin playing on its own sounding lonely and out of place, especially when he knew there should be a piano playing with it. All they needed was for Kousei to play again. Would he? No excuses, Kaori needed his support, and Levi found himself silently judging Kousei, mentally pushing him to help her, to play, because that was what she needed from him.

”So what was it that you saw in me?”

“But you have me! Look up, and look at me. Look at me.”

Kousei starting to play again was a relief, even if it wasn’t quite right at first. After a bit of inner reflection, some time where they spent listening to the underwater sounds, it all faded away, and a soft scene of a mother and son filled the screen. The mother’s softly sung lullaby was soothing, and as it shifted to a scene of the sky, Levi’s eyes widened at the brilliant beauty it was, the range of color, of blues and whites and even some purples and pinks. How it sparkled and shimmered, stirring up emotions he didn’t know he’d buried somewhere inside him as he suddenly felt small again, curled up in a nest of soft warmth, staring out a small window up towards the sky high above him for the first time, gazing in wonder at the stars and moon that glittered high above him.

Words from one of the many times Y/N had played the piano for him drifted to his mind. How she had perceived her music had struck some kind of chord with him, even if he wasn’t saying anything--even when he realized he had no words to describe what he was feeling listening to her play that single song. He remembered how she’d told him that the point, what made music with her time, was how it could communicate what couldn’t be said with mere words.

The music shifted, and Kousei finally began to play, and the sound was enrapturing. There were no words--it could only be felt, what was happening between the boy at the piano and the girl with the violin.

Could he find a violin in his world? Could he learn to play it, so he could play with Y/N like Kousei played with Kaori? Would they manage to produce something similar, something wonderful like that? What would it feel like? What would the sound between them be? What would it say?

”I can hear your sound.”

So caught up in his thoughts, in the raw emotion and the music that had just enraptured them both, Levi was caught off guard when the mood took another shift.

He tensed, hand gripping the back of the couch a little harder as the sound faded away into an echo as Kaori suddenly collapsed. The hairs on the back of his neck seemed to raise, warning him of something incoming, even though there was no physical threat. He had a bad feeling, suddenly, seeing Kaori’s paler form in the hospital, seeing Kousei’s disbelieving look, the way all of her face wasn’t visible during certain key answers. It put dread inside him over what was happening with her, where this would go. A brief moment of happiness...but what did it mean in the long run? What did it matter, if it was going to be ripped so harshly away, anyway?

“It was everything to you, and you’re trying to rip that away by force. As if you were plucking off your limbs. That’s why it hurts too much for you to bear.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to forget? No, not a chance. Because you and I are living for that moment.”

“I won’t forget. I won’t forget, even if I die.”

“Thank you.”

The mood of the show mellowed drastically, far more serious notes seeping into the air around them as Kousei and those around him were faced with far more serious matters than who liked who, and music competitions. The competitions seemed to be fading into the background, a mere backdrop to the true story.

Ah…

He might be seeing it now.

There was more to this tale than just playing in competitions.

And he had the feeling he was going to be facing some...difficult scenes. Not the kind of gristly scenes of the everyday Underground. The personal, emotional kind. He was already getting flashes of past events, old emotions stirring this early on. What would come next? How deep was this show going to dig to bring out emotions or thoughts he didn’t even know he was keeping buried?

Y/N shifted again, now blatantly sidled up beside him, head leaning slightly to the side, coming to rest very lightly on his shoulder. Levi stilled, pulled entirely from his thoughts, both of them seeming to hold the position to see what the other would do.

She didn’t pull away.

Neither did he.

Her head leaned a little more heavily against his shoulder, and she got more comfortable in her position next to him. Levi relaxed, letting her do as she pleased, silently grateful for the companionable warmth her presence beside him seemed to be offering him, allowing the scarier thoughts to temporarily be soothed and chased away. It helped that the story was shifting towards the more light-hearted as well, as Kaori and Kousei began to prepare for a piano competition.

“Before your fingers touch the keys, you must determine in your mind how you’re going to play it. Why do you play the piano? Is it for your sake? For someone else’s sake? How do you want to play this piece?”

Levi turned his head slightly to look at Y/N, curiosity stirred up in his mind as Kaori grilled Kousei for his mental imagery while he played. “What about you? What do you think of when you play the piano?” he asked her.

“Hm?” she asked, pulled for the first time out of the show as she turned slightly to meet his gaze, surprised by the inquiry. “I...don’t know. It depends on the moment. Usually it’s memories, though. Certain songs make me think of certain people, usually memories with that person. Maybe something I want to do or say to them? I haven’t thought of that much before...usually I just...do it. And I tend to get lost in what I’m doing, too. I guess that’s part of the reason why I haven’t thought of it much before.”

Levi continued to look at her even as she turned her attention back to the show, barely holding back a question that bubbled up inside him.

Have you ever thought of me?

She was teaching him to play the piano, right? What would his mental imagery be when he played?

While Levi got his quick question in and mulled over his own thoughts once more, the mood shifted to something more serious in the show again.

Kaori was worried she was being too pushy, that Kousei might resent him for forcing him into the position he was in, now. That she was being too hard on him. And something that they said resonated with him, because of recent events.

“You’re suffering because of me. I’m sorry.”

Levi saw Y/N in front of him in his mind’s eye. Her eyes were downcast, lips pressed together, shoulders slightly hunched, and she was on the verge of tears after his barbed words expressing how shitty this situation was for him, how it teased him with what he could never have. Did she blame herself, for him being pulled into her world, always around her for a brief while before he was kicked back?

But again, she’d been right. Even if it was brief, that didn’t mean the time he spent here with her was worthless. It still meant something to him, and it still brought him some comfort and, oddly enough, a sense of security. From the very first time they’d met, she’d provided him with somewhere he could truly feel safe and cared for.

“It was you who swept away all the dust. For sweeping away the dust that had collected on my body...thank you. For encountering me.”

The more hints the story dropped about Kaori’s health, the more worried Levi became about the turn this story might take. He was bracing for impact, a small frown on his face as he saw the pile of medicine Kaori was carrying around with her at the competition. Kousei’s musical rivals didn’t register so much with him in the previous two chapters, because he was still so focused on what was happening with Kousei and Kaori.

Y/N had gotten up at one point by now to get a drink, bringing back a water for him to sip on as they continued the story, time passing by without either of their knowledge of just how long they’d been sitting here. Even Levi, usually so much more active, was content to sit here and watch, hardly noticing his inactivity as he drank up every scene, every word, some ringing out through his mind, others falling into place as narrative importance, worry and elation and nostalgia, as well as so much more, all stirred together inside him, Y/N curled up like a kitten at his side, his arm still leaning against the back of the couch, his hand resting softly on her shoulder.

However, while he and Y/N were falling into a position of ease, the story seemed to be starting to shift more to the relationship between Kousei and his mother, and what happened to her. Kaori was getting worse, it seemed, and they were digging into a relationship that felt, in certain ways, similar to what Levi had gone through, and not too long ago, either, now that he was forced to look at it. It made him...uncomfortable, to say the least, but he wasn’t saying anything--he needed to see where this story was headed, with how invested he was at this point. And even if it got personal, he thought he might be able to sit and endure it all the same.

”My mom’s coming from the hospital to see me perform...so you see, in order to make Mom well again, in order to make her happy, I’m gonna play my very best as a gift!”

The first hit actually made him flinch. It was slight, but it was there, and Y/N might have caught it--he wasn’t expecting it, not from the tone, or what had just been discussed, or the way the scene changed so rapidly from the cheers of the audience after little Kousei finished playing his best for his mother to the slap across his face from the ailing woman. He suddenly felt tense, his hand still on Y/N’s shoulder and his expression suddenly unreadable as the hits kept coming, making something dark and angry well up inside him as Kousei was hit hard enough to draw blood against a backdrop of the abuse he’d been suffering the entire time.

Perhaps Y/N hadn’t caught it, because she was flinching as well, and her reaction was far more open on her face, eyes watering with near-tears, a slight shake in her body, and the occasional, shaking breath.

”All I wanted was for you to get better. All I wanted was for you to be happy. And yet...I wish you would just die.”

“That was the last time I said anything to my mom.”

Levi’s grip tightened on Y/N’s shoulder, but neither of them said a word, a grimness in the air as they continued to watch the story in front of them that had started so colorful but was taking a darker turn rather quickly.

Levi scowled slightly at the switch to such an upbeat little song at the sudden end of the chapter, which would be followed by another upbeat song at the beginning of the next.

“These ‘intros’ and ‘outros’ are deceptively cheerful,” Levi criticized.

“What’s a good story without some struggle?” Y/N replied, though she briefly untangled herself from her position at Levi’s side and wiggled off the couch. “Though, I think I’m going to go grab some tissues. I’m starting to think there’s going to be some really sad or heartfelt stuff coming up. Tell me when it’s back on if I’m still missing!” she added before darting away, leaving Levi to sigh quietly to himself and look up at the ceiling, keeping track of the show in front of him as he waited for her to run off and come back with a colorful box, squirming back into place beside him and letting his hand return to her shoulder as she placed the box next to her on the couch, sighing contently.

“The show must go on!” she insisted, face devoid of the strong emotion they’d been sharing just a few moments ago. She settled next to him with a soft sigh, the sight of Kousei struggling at the piano returning where the previous chapter left off.

They watched him struggle against the ghost of his mother, trying to force himself to play through it, to play even though he couldn’t hear, even as the sound grated on them. Watched as he slowly gave up, until he stopped entirely before the song was even over, just like he had with Kaori.

Part of him had expected Kousei to have some kind of revelation just before he quit and push through, but he’d really stopped. Now it just remained to be seen if he could start again. Of course, after his performance with Kaori, they knew he was disqualified. But would he find a reason to play anyway, like she had?

”Even the you that’s here inside me, won’t let me give up. That day, I wonder. What did you play for?”

Levi felt the ghost of her fingers on his again, unaware that he was tapping the keys against the skin of her shoulder at the memory.

Once more, the sound changed as Kousei found his reason to play. The girl who’d changed his world from monotone to color, who dragged him into a whirlwind of life without giving him the chance to think twice about it.

“Just one person matters to me. Only you matter. Thank you...Will it reach her? I hope it reaches her.”

”Your hidden emotions. The you that you’ve never known. The piano drags out everything…”

Levi’s gaze once more was unfocused on the screen as he was swept away in a sea of his own thoughts, thinking back to the times he’d listened to Y/N play. What had he been hearing those days? What would he hear in her playing in the future? If he put enough effort into learning to play as she tried to teach him...could it help him communicate some of the things he struggled to say? It was at least worth giving it a shot.

And he would be sure to pay closer attention in the future to see what he could hear, what he may not be aware of.

The pacing lulled into something more relaxed once more, a brief reprieve after the emotions that were just thrown at them, allowing him and Y/N to talk a bit more, both of them keeping one eye on the subtitles even as they made little comments about what they’d heard so far. The unspoken love triangle? Maybe it was a triangle. The romantic feelings were crisscrossed and all over the place between this group of friends. They commented on their observations about Kousei and Kaori, what they thought was going to become of the two as they watched, whether Kaori or Tsubaki would end up the one with him in the future.

Music was another thing they talked about, obviously. How they wanted to hear Kousei and Kaori play together again--and were excited they had the chance to with the upcoming concert. Y/N also expressed how she loved Chopin pieces, and as a result was happy about how many Chopin pieces were in the show so far and was hoping to hear more. She also mentioned that Love’s Sorrow, the song they were working on now for the concert, was a beautiful piece--mournful, obviously, but beautiful. She even offered to help him learn it when he got more used to the piano if he wanted to.

Levi was a little distracted, though, by the further warning signs that something was going to happen to Kaori. In the same stroke that he contemplated how she had a skill for seeing the beauty in the world, like Y/N tended to do for him, she said something ominous that further solidified a growing suspicion that Levi was keeping in mind.

“You know, I’m not always going to be around to help you.”

As worried about Kaori as that line made Levi for the context of the show, it also reminded him of his own situation with Y/N. He helped when he could, but he was absent so often...and it worked both ways. He was perfectly capable of taking care of himself when he was on his own, but Y/N he worried about. What if something serious happened when he wasn’t around to help her? Would she be all right? Would she be able to take care of herself until he could be here to help her?

It was another line that resonated with him, another one that was going to burn in his mind and make him brood over their situation. This show was rife with them, and it had his emotions all over the place, despite his outward calm posture.

He had no way of knowing just how strongly the next chapter was going to hit him.

He was as riled up as Kousei after hearing that smart mouthed kid claim that the music Kaori made was just disastrous noise. If he’d ever heard someone say that about the music Y/N played, he was liable to sock them in the mouth. Honestly, after that comment, he’d thought that the focus was going to be on Kaori again, even with all the recent focus on Kousei’s mother. That misconception was quickly fixed, though, when the chapter began with a flashback to Kousei’s mother and how he became a pianist, further reinforced when Kousei started to play and they were given the first glimpses into his thought process, and what his new mentor--his mother’s old friend--was thinking.

Kousei’s mother’s favorite song, Kousei’s lullaby.

”Would she have played it like this?”

Kousei was curled up against the wall in the darkness of a room with no one else, knees pulled up to his chest, head buried, trying to shut out the world, the woman who’d known and been close to Kousei’s mother finding him in the darkness as Kousei cried out for his mother, for someone to help him, save him. Levi tensed, going completely still beside Y/N with his gaze riveted on the scene in front of him.

”That son of ours is about to bid you a last farewell.”

”Will it reach her?”

Levi’s jaw clenched, his teeth grinding together as he attempted to keep a lid on the emotions that were trying to rise inside him again.

“After I’m gone, what’s going to become of Kousei? Will he be able to earn a living?”

There was a pressure on his chest making it impossible to breathe and a forceful pain in his throat that was pushing right at the back, like there was something stuck there that wanted to come out but couldn’t, because he wouldn’t let it no matter how much it pushed.

”What a terrible mother. There’s nothing I can leave that boy...”

His breathing ground to a halt except for the barest, shaking whisper through his nose.

“I wish I could’ve stayed with him longer...Will my treasure ever find happiness?”

Eyes fixed on the screen, Levi suddenly felt the overwhelming need to bolt, could feel his fingers and legs twitch like he was about to without warning, but the music was reaching a crescendo, and he thought maybe, just maybe, he might be able to make it through this, even as the pain in his throat and the pressure on his chest seemed to grow more crushing, more painful, so much harder to contain.

”Do you think it reached my mom? The way I played my very best? Do you think it reached Mom?”

“You two are connected, aren’t you? Of course it reached her.”

Kousei broke on screen, and Levi suddenly realized he wasn’t going to make it to the end of the episode. He needed to bolt now or he might shatter.

Levi tapped Y/N on the shoulder to get her to move, not daring to look at her and possible see her a crying mess already at the emotional scene. He gave a brief, “I need to take a shit,” that he managed to get out in a steady voice past the pain in his throat by some miracle, and then stood up, the brief statement her only warning to shift before his movement accidentally dumped her on the ground. He didn’t run to the bathroom, that would be too much of a tell. Instead, he got up calmly and made his way to the bathroom, not hurrying his step until he was out of sight and already halfway up the stairs.

By the time he reached the bathroom, he couldn’t hold it back any further, safely locked behind the bathroom door with the water in the sink running seconds before he finally choked on the feeling in his throat and chest. A strangled sound left him, and he leaned over the sink, trying to catch his breath even as his body tried to make him sob. His breaths hitched painfully, a slight shake in his hands before they clenched the edge of the sink, shoulders hunched and teeth grinding painfully as a soft whine escaped his rigid body.

Y/N was waiting for him. He couldn’t stay up here forever, but he at least had to get ahold of himself before he headed back down there. Out of stubborn determination, Levi tried to gulp in air and steady his breath and hands. Once he had a strong enough hold of his breathing, he cupped his hands under the water and splashed some of it onto his face to help calm himself down.

Only when he felt his composure had returned, Levi dried off his face and hands, then carefully made his way back downstairs, well-aware that the chapter wasn’t even over, and there were still several chapters left--nine, according to Y/N.

A lot could happen in nine chapters.

Levi calmly returned to his seat on the couch, Y/N giving him a quizzical, examining look before she resumed the position they’d been in before resuming the show in the exact spot he’d left--thankfully, it was after Kousei’s breakdown, so he wouldn’t have to see any of that again.

That didn’t, however, mean that he was in the clear. No, now that they had put a neat little bow on Kousei’s struggle with his mental image of his mother, they were moving on to the one who had been concerning Levi since one of the first few episodes.

”There’s an ever present sorrow hanging over Arima’s music...Then it’s a demon’s path he must walk. His growth is spurred by sorrow. If he walks that path, he might have to lose someone to move forward.”

Kaori was in the hospital again, and Levi felt the uneasiness and dread about the direction this show was taking grow substantially. Especially as Kousei ran inside the room and saw Kaori in the exact position his mother had been in. The way this show was starting to dig at some subconscious and deeply buried pains and fears of his that he would rather keep far from the front of his mind, but it kept plodding on, and he felt far too invested now to just leave it where it was. The curiosity and need to know what happened next would eat away at him if he asked Y/N to stop it there--plus, asking that might tip her off that something about it was upsetting him, considering at this point he couldn’t claim he was bored with it.

”You’re gonna be fine, right?”

“I can see you again, right?”

“You won’t leave me like my mom did, right?”

At this point, the focus on Tsubaki and Kousei’s relationship was a much needed break from the reality and darker questions being asked with Kaori and Kousei right now, questions that he had asked himself from time to time regarding Y/N, questions and concerns he didn’t want to think about for his own sanity. What was happening with Tsubaki was more lighthearted, less grim, even if it was confusing and brought up even more questions to ask himself. After all, Tsubaki was being faced with the question of how she felt about Kousei--the boy who had been her friend since they were little, who she was falling in love with no matter how much she tried to deny it, who she had always been beside and wanted to be beside forever.

It made him wonder. He and Y/N were friends--had been for years now. She was there for him during his darkest moments, and he’d been there for some of her scariest moments. Yes, they were friends, but...was it starting to go deeper than that? Did he feel closer to her, somehow?

Her hands had felt warm against his when they played the piano together, pressed against one another with his arms around each other so they wouldn’t get in each other’s way. His skin had tingled where she touched him when she’d taken care of and cleaned him up after that fight. He felt comfortable sitting beside her now, with her leaning against him, her head on his shoulder, despite how borderline intimate it felt.

Had she felt something similar? They hadn’t really looked at each other in these moments--they’d been avoiding looking at each other whenever something like that happened, so he had no idea. Was she aware of just how comfortable he was around her? How different that was for him? Did she have any clue how important she was becoming to him, how big a part of his life she had gradually become despite the very real distance and difference between their two worlds.

This entire time he’d been drawing similarities between them and Kousei and Kaori, when perhaps the comparison should have been with Tsubaki and Kousei.

It sure as hell might make him feel better, considering he was rather sure she had a terminal illness. After growing up in the Underground and with the experiences he had so far, fatal illnesses were something he could spot, especially when there were as many warning signs as there were for Kaori. She only seemed to be getting worse--he was pretty sure she’d been told she was going to die, even though there was no audio for the moment to confirm it. Since the first episode, Kaori had been centered on making an impression, about living on in the memories and hearts of others--she was clearly afraid of disappearing without a trace after she was gone.

Still, amid all the aching and pain, there was still flashes of hope as Kaori struggled against her illness, and more moments that made him think about the relationship between himself and the girl next to him--more damn connections between them and Kousei and Kaori, which did nothing to sooth his nerves and fears he didn’t even know he had.

“Why are the sounds you make so beautiful I think I’m going to cry?”

“That devotion you showed. Her heart had turned grey, and you gave it color.”

Had he managed to give her what she gave him? He felt like he didn’t have anything to give, coming from the dreadful world he did. She was always the one bringing color into his life, had he ever brought color to hers? Would he ever be able to? His world, his life, was ugly and dark and probably tragic. What could he offer her out of that?

”Did I reach him?”

“You don’t have the time to see me.”

“It’s not about time--I want to see you.”

The chapter started so calmly--discussion about the next round of the competition, Kaori continuing her struggle to get better, Tsubaki finally admitting her feelings for Kousei in a way. Levi even made a quip about how Watari and Kaori really needed to stop dragging him along as the awkward extra in their group, practically rubbing it in his face even if it was unintentional. There was even another moment of resonance with something Tsubaki said to Kousei.

“So you won’t lose your way, so you won’t have regrets, I’ll stay by your side forever.”

Still, he should have seen it coming. It shouldn’t have surprised him, considering he was well aware of the cruel shittiness of the world, even if Y/N wasn’t. All this time he’d spent bracing himself with the hints of just how bad Kaori’s illness was, the ominous lines of hers. All the lightheartedness and self-discovery of the past several episodes came crashing down with the emergency with Kaori as, from what Levi could see even though they clearly had far more advanced medicine that Levi knew nothing about, Kaori had some kind of close call, a brush with death, right in front of Kousei. And then with the damn cat getting hit and dying literally moments later, Kousei having to wash the blood off of his hands and breaking down in the wake of everything that was happening. He shouldn’t have been surprised, but it still ached to see it.

And there were two chapters left. Realistically, he doubted that Kaori was going to recover in two chapters after all this time. By now, he was certain that she was going to die by the end of the story.

She wasn’t even gone yet, and Kousei had already given up. Levi had seen plenty of people reach that point. No fight left, no will to move. Kousei was right back in the position he’d been in at the start, the impending loss of Kaori the final nail in his coffin, his breaking point.

“Why does it have to end up this way? I can’t...go on. No more...I can’t try anymore.”

He hadn’t hit his breaking point--he hoped he never reached that point. But he was sure even he had one, even if he wasn’t sure where his limit was.

Levi blinked at the white fluttering from the sky on screen. A novel sight he couldn’t ignore or just accept. Snow, Kaori called it.

So that was what it looked like. One of the many things he’d heard about but hadn’t seen…

“Have you seen snow before, Levi? Since you live Underground,” Y/N suddenly asked from where she was curled up into his side, head turned to look at him curiously. Levi shook his head no, and she hummed. “You’ll have to show up some time in the winter so I can show you all kinds of awesome things you can do when it snows. It’s cold, but it’s fun. And everything looks so clean and pure...my favorite things are the trees encapsulated in ice,” she said with a wistful sigh, eventually quieting down as the scene on the screen continued to develop.

Maybe one day. But he would have to come through not only when it was winter, but on a day that there was snow, and he had no control over when he blipped over into her world.

Blipped, blip...her word for when Levi flickered into and out of her world. Clearly, it had caught on even in his mind.

“The people I care about keep leaving me...I’m going to be left all alone.”

Inwardly, Levi felt himself flinch, and that desire to bolt was trying to rear its head again, the desire for her to shut it off and spare him these comments that kept digging into the darker corners of himself, the weakness he kept hidden away for no one to see.

“But you have me. But you have me.”

For the first time, Levi felt Y/N’s hand give his little squeeze on his knee as Kaori repeated her sentiment to Kousei.

Perhaps the feelings were mutual. Maybe he wasn’t the only one drowning in emotions on the inside and drawing parallels while they watched this show, if she was giving him a little squeeze after those words. After he registered that he had felt it, and he hadn’t imagined it, he gave her shoulder a small squeeze in return.

“I’m going to struggle as hard as I can. Struggle, struggle, struggle, like there’s no tomorrow.”

“You gave me this desire to cling to the time that I spent with you. Aren’t you going to struggle to? We’re so good at struggling.”

Hell if that wasn’t the story of his life so far, right there.

Collectively, the two of them held their breath, watching as, after Kousei declared how useless it was for him to even try to play in the state he was in right now, Kaori got to her feet on her own, and the sound of the violin softly flickered towards them from the screen. It was like the music was from a dream, her imaginary violin ethereal, Kaori lit up by a flurry of snow as she played to a crescendo and smiled at Kousei.

“See, miracles can happen just like that.”

Shaking, legs trembling, sweating, collapsed into Kousei’s arms with a breathless laugh, clinging to him like a source of comfort. It wasn’t her reciting of the things she knew about Kousei, or what she wished she knew, that drew a response from him, but her heartfelt pleas with Kousei as he held her in her arms.

“I’m scared. I’m scared! Don’t leave me all alone!”

That was why it was familiar. That was how Y/N had held him when…

And perhaps the reason he’d lashed out when he’d found out about how fleeting this world was for him had been because…

Levi shifted, and it was only when Y/N started to pull away did he realize he’d been shifting to get up and walk away, to bolt. When she fixed him with that questioning look again, not-yet-spilled tears in her eyes from the emotion of the scene, her hand still fisted in his shirt, it brought him back to what was happening in the present, and he shook his head as if to dismiss the movement as he sat back down, relieved when the scene changed again.

Considering it was going to the competition and Kaori’s surgery at the same time, he doubted he was going to get much of a reprieve before the emotions hit again. Kousei was still a mess, though it was a miracle he’d at least shown up to the competition, but even watching him was worrisome, wondering if he was going to break at the piano again after all this progress he’d made throughout the show, everyone watching in concern in the show and on the couch.

“I made you remember something you don’t want to remember…”

“I won’t forget, even if I die…”

“You can just forget about it all, like you’ve pressed the reset button…”

“I guess maybe we never should've met, huh?”

Levi had to close his eyes for a moment after that one, sucking in a sharp breath. It was like it had come right out of his denial of their entire situation, how angry he’d been, the pain it had caused, how for a few moments, he’d felt like it would have been better if he could forget it all, if they had never met, because then he wouldn’t know about what he could never have. His heart ached painfully, the words reverberating not in his mind, but in his bones as the pain in his throat already seemed to be returning.

He opened his eyes, and on screen, Kousei started to break down again, face in his hands, on the brink of tears seated at the piano, on stage in front of everyone once again.

Tsubaki sneezed, and after a few moments of reflecting, after realizing how many people he knew were there...Kousei finally began to play, the notes reverberating deep inside his chest in a full, resonating sound. Something about it made him nostalgic, but also so...it was so…

“Bursting with such mournful color.”

The chapter suddenly came to an end mid performance, which startled Levi--especially when Y/N darted forward so suddenly to grab the remote and quickly jump to the next one, immediately snapping back into his side, clutching to his clothes like her life depended on it, curled into a ball as he realized for the first time that tissue box was suddenly right in front of her, easily accessible.

The last episode.

Considering the set-up, neither of them were going to get through this last part unscathed emotionally.

It started from the beginning of the piece this time, the commentary being made by the onlookers and Kousei different this time, centered entirely on Kousei after the very beginning. Levi and Y/N were both enraptured by the performance though, holding to one another on the couch with gazes fixed forward, completely still, even their breathing slight as they paid full attention to every word, and let the music pull them in deeper into the emotional symphony Kousei was creating with just the piano.

“I’m so scared...Somebody…”

“But you have me.”

“I’m not alone. From the moment that we meet someone else, none of us can ever be alone. We’re all connected.”

Levi’s grip tightened slightly on Y/N’s shoulder again, and he felt her grip tighten in return.

“Don’t leave me all alone.”

“Dummy, you have me.”

“Inside me...you exist.”

Y/N nuzzled into his side like a cat, and he thought he felt his shirt starting to get damp. He ignored it, keeping his grip on her firm and steady, staying still beneath her as he stared stalwartly at the screen, even as the emotions were starting to stir violently around inside him.

”No way am I going to leave you all alone. Reach her. Reach her. Reach her. Reach her.”

The scenery changed entirely, like Kousei was playing in the sky amid a shower of colors, floating around like leaves that autumn day when he and Y/N had jumped into the piles and sent them scattering into the air. Kaori’s whispered ‘Thank you’ as Kousei carried her back down the stairs sent a shiver down his spine, especially when Kousei of the present reacted, and turned his head to see Kaori materializing beside him, violin in hand.

Beside him, there was suddenly a whine from Y/N, and a rather large sniffle, as well as that damp feeling on his clothes starting to spread. She trembled slightly beneath his arm and hand, and he realized she was starting to cry rather heavily, her face partially buried in his side.

The music was jarring, disorienting, suddenly intense and tragic as Kousei closed his eyes, barely holding back tears.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

And there it was.

Kaori’s rich violin playing joined into Kousei’s suddenly mournful and tragic playing, and Levi realized that they were witnessing the last time the two would get to play together. It couldn’t happen again in body, but at least in spirit. Words weren’t needed for this moment. Nothing was said between the characters on the screen, and not a word was spoken between Levi and Y/N. She was continuing to cry into his side, with Levi starting to semi-awkwardly rub her shoulder to try and comfort her even as his own heart seemed to be pounding painfully at the sight in front of him, every note piercing him deeper than he thought possible with the raw emotion behind and pure weight of this single moment. All there was at this moment in time, was him, Y/N, and the music being created on the stage in front of them between Kaori and Kousei, one last time.

A sob broke past Y/N’s control as the colorful day turned into a rich night, and Kaori stopped playing. Levi held his breath, watching as transfixed on the scene as Kousei was transfixed on Kaori, the music softening for the briefest moment before it started to turn slow, mournful, and tragic again.

”Wait...please don’t go!”

As Kousei started to beg Kaori to do all of these things with him again, good and bad, Levi felt the pressure on his chest return, the burn in his eyes and the clench in his jaw, the pain in his throat. Memories of his own were flickering before his eyes in place of what Kousei begged of Kaori.

A small hand offering a still-warm roll. A splash of cool water to the face with shrieks and giggles filling the air. The security of being able to lean comfortably against a warm back with the sun shining down from above, hands gripping his legs and his arms wrapped around the girl who carried him home on her back. The cool taste of ice cream as they leaned against the brick store. A gentle hand rubbing soft circles on his back as he slipped in and out of lucid thought in his feverish state. The sound of hope amid darkness that they managed to create together despite his crude piano playing. Her hand even now clenched tightly in his shirt seeking comfort, like when he’d led her home in the dark through the desert.

His hand was stretched out before him, pulled along by the girl that suddenly disappeared when he closed his eyes. He tried to reach a little further, as if his fingertips could press past some veil between his world and hers, so he could reach her even for another moment. The warmth and the softness of the comfort she wrapped him in evaporated into smoke between his fingers, disappearing in translucent curls, leaving him with nothing to hold, the weight of her presence suddenly disappearing.

What if one day he didn’t come back?

What if one day it all just...ended? Without any warning? The only sign that he would never return the passage of time and gradual loss of hope?

“Don’t go, don’t go, please don’t go, please don’t leave me behind!”

Y/N was sobbing openly into his side now, but she didn’t move to stop the show--she kept watching it. Levi was unaware of the fact that his hand was shaking against her shoulder, all of his effort on keeping the emotions bottled inside him as he watched Kaori disappear before Kousei’s eyes in a flurry of petals, swept away by an indifferent wind.

The rest of the last chapter seemed to pass by in a blur, Levi spending most of that time trying to work his way down from the emotions that scene had stirred up in him, glancing over at Y/N to see a collection of tissues around her while her gaze remained fixed forward, still a blubbering mess over the events that were unfolding on screen. Shards of Kaori’s letter made it through to Levi, certain fragments sticking with him in the moment, others slowly settling in likely to make an impact on him later.

“I want Kousei to play the piano for me!”

He understood that sentiment. He loved listening to Y/N play for him, it was one of the many reasons why he brought it up so often. Sure, it was nice she was trying to teach him to play, but the true moment of enjoyment for him was when she played for him.

“Isn’t it funny how the most unforgettable scenes can be so trivial?”

“None of it was trivial.”

No, none of it was. From playing card games in her room to playing tag on the playground, or eating frozen treats on the steps while they played simple games with their hands. Every little moment was one Levi kept stored away, a secret trove of memories just for him and her, something bright and...something that the Underground couldn’t corrupt, because it couldn’t reach or touch this world or the girl at his side.

“Was I able to live inside your heart? Do you think you’ll remember me at least a little? You better not hit reset. Don’t forget me, okay? That’s a promise, okay? I’m glad it’s you, after all.”

Like Y/N said, just because the moments were fleeting, didn’t mean they didn’t matter. Even if they stopped one day, for whatever reason...at least he would have everything that had come before, the memories, the moments that nothing could take away. He didn’t think she would want him to try and forget, anyway. And a part of him wouldn’t want her to forget him, either. Unlike everything else in his life so far, he wanted this good thing to last, one way or another.

“Will I reach you? I hope I can reach you.”

This time, when his mind procured the image of his hand outstretched in front of him, trying to catch the disappearing back of the girl in front of him, fingers finding nothing but air, he let his hand squeeze slightly against Y/N’s shoulder once more, reminding himself she was right here in his arms right now, and not to take that for granted. Maybe sometimes she’d be out of reach, but right now, she was right here. She wasn’t always out of reach. He’d just have to make each moment he was here count for something.

Thankfully, she already seemed pretty good at making that happen, so he felt like he wouldn’t have to worry about it too much. She was always taking him by the hand to have him run with her wherever she wanted to go and explore, and so far, she hadn’t made him regret following her on her little adventures.

She made his life colorful.

“Thank you for being my friend, Levi.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking you.”

Next Chapter---->

Levi Tags: @clary-quinn @humanitys-hottestsoldier @whalerus @sunny-flo @thirstyforsometea

Through The Looking Glass Tags: @artist-bby @kaz2y5-pie @tartheyes @super-peace-fangirl @huntersbunker @nefelimalfoy @soft-levi-girl-blog @honeygivemeachainsaw @regalillegal @sugas-daddy7 @cathyannecookie @chaoticshepardplaid @roayaloveslife @sanrioclit

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indurarinks · 3 years

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stygian dagger

a sneak peek Like clamouring thunder intimidating a planet during a hot summer day, a small group of highly trained Tavali, the renowned pirates and travellers of the Universe, quickly dissolved themselves in the crowd as if each individual had always belonged to the scene. Bursting at the seams, the makeshift arena placated the savage desires of the rowdy public through violent, gruesome fighting. Their bellows demanded blood and guts from the unwilling practitioners of cage fighting, sold to this business for the purpose of serving the sick pleasures of the rich. Filling the pockets of greedy masters with abusive hands. Though illegal, the fights were wildly known throughout the Nine Worlds, beckoning hefty wallets with the promise of a night of indulgence. The three Tavali, fearless and unrelenting and heavily armed, approached the round stage, a fenced cage that had been electrified to discourage any contestant from trying an escape. Ushara, Davel and Trajen slowly descended the rows of stairs with a single purpose in mind. Rescuing Jullien eton Anatole. The bastard of the Ichidian Universe. “How do you want to do this?” Davel, Ushara’s older brother turned to her. Ushara Altaan, Vice Admiral for the Gorturnum nation (one of the four nations of Tavali) and the bastard’s best friend, thirsted for vengeance the moment she learned of Jules captivity. But despite the spiralling emotions, she led the rescue operation with military expertise. The Fyreblood in her was built for war, after all. Her breed of Andarions possessed the talent of pyrokinetics with their fiery breath that put them at great advantage in battle. “We have to find where they’re keeping the fighters. We grab Jules and get the hell out of here before I burn this shithole to the ground and cause Trajen here even more trouble.” The glance she threw at her boss and friend catapulted them both to a few months prior when she flew without proper papers and authorisation into Steradore to rescue her son and executed ruthlessly her son’s kidnappers. That was also when Jules crashed into her life. “Let’s start by looking for cells underground. I bet my money that’s where we will find him.” Trajen added quickly, the air of ancient wisdom surrounding him like royal robes as his eyes held a faraway look. Returning to the task at hand, the group proceeded through the darkened corridors, merging into the shadows like fading mist. Away from the main event and prying eyes, the three of them advanced into the house of horrors’ lowest pits where its security relied mostly on a few guards, now lying unmoving after quickly being neutralised, and the highest technology one could acquire in the black market. The collective tension thickened the atmosphere with Trajen’s warning. “I don’t know how long I can keep the interfering with the system’s security.” Visibly concerned for her boss, Ushara, who marched at front, turned back and gave him a look that silently asked him if he was alright. Though his expression had now been contorted into one of extreme suffering, Trajen nodded with a dismissive shrug. “Let’s keep looking.” Expecting the alarms to go off any second, inevitable frustration was slowly mounting between them as their options to find him grew scarce with the nearing of the end of the row of cells. “Where is he? Titana ræl. He has to be here somewhere.” Trajen’s curse surprised the others. Their Admiral was nothing but an infinite well of wise ponderation and heedful shrewdness. But this restless, almost sloppy version of him gave the others a marginal idea of the potency of the bond he shared with Jules. And where his loyalties lied. His purpose was clear. Despite Trajen’s many efforts to remain isolated from those under his protection, Jullien eton Anatole quickly wormed his way into their secluded leader’s heart with his wits and scars. In him, he found a brother, a kindred spirit. Both, a product of the brutality of their pasts. Drenched in darkness, Ushara refused to let old fears roar back to life as she searched each cell thoroughly. Those demons poked their incessant torment on her mind but she wouldn’t give way. No way in Tophet. “Jules! Jules! Dammit, dark heart. Where are you?” Her desperate bellow echoed through the hall. “Ah, shit.” Followed by a string of mouthful expletives, Davel run both hands through his tousled hair in evident denial. “What have they done to you, drey?” Terrified by her brother’s words alone, Ushara moved slowly toward Davel. Suddenly her legs weighed a ton, and all her instincts screamed at her. She wasn’t ready for what she was about to see. Her gasp of horror came without warning. Lying on the filthy floor of the smallest cubicle of that hellhole, he was in fetal position, back curved and head bowed to make himself smaller. His eyes resolutely shut, Jullien remained eerily motionless. Almost as if… “Jules..?” Low and soothing, her voice wrapped itself around him. “Please.” She begged. No reaction still. Lost to her panic and petrified by the shock of her best friend’s predicament, Ushara’s angry tears fell like an unexpected hurricane. This entire nightmare began when one of her cousins and his crew sold him as punishment for something he played no role at. Hate is an ugly creature whose talons infect the soul upon their impaling. And there is no recognition between right or wrong. There is just the ugly need for vengeance, the hunt for a twisted form of justice that’s justifiable through past suffering and grievances. Davel’s strained grunts catapulted her back into reality. For the time being and Jules’ sake, she vowed to abandon her thirst for retribution against those who sought to harm her best friend. Both her brother and Trajen joined their efforts to break him out. Between mighty brawn and refined brain, the electrified door of his dungeon held no chance against them. At the first opportunity, Ushara crawled toward the entrance on hands and knees. She outstretched her hand toward Jules. “Jules?” She tried once again. Only then did he shift his position, daring a tentative look at her as if afraid she might be only a mirage. “It’s me. Shara.” Her body ached from the awkward angle of it. “Come on, let’s go home.” When a single tear rolled down his face, her entire world shattered along with her heart. The agony and misery reflected upon those beautifully hybrid eyes, a mix of human and Andarion, clutched her insides before twisting them until she felt what she could describe as a poor replica of the same pain. Yet bravely, he offered her his bloodied fingers, silently accepting her strength to escape this house of horrors. As he dragged himself along the ground, Ushara confirmed all her fears. After the years of unthinkable abuse Jullien had fallen victim to, she feared he would resort to shutting everybody out to deal with yet another trial in his lonesome road of redemption, one he endured after she had promised him he was safe with the Tavali. She failed him. And she hated herself for that failure. Stoically, his face an unreadable mask of indifference, he stood awkwardly as Ushara embraced him in relief despite her reservations regarding his mental stability. “We better get going, guys.” Davel interrupted their reencounter with good motive. It wouldn’t be long until the alarms went off. “I sense trouble incoming, too.” Trajen added with a distant look. His impressive powers at work. As if on cue, the blaring sound of sirens threatened to awaken even the dead. “Let’s get out of here!” Ushara’s hand sought Jules’, tugging him behind her as the others hurried before them. Without uttering a word still, he followed after her. They were halfway down the hall when he broke contact with her fingers, turning toward a group of inmates, all female, as his fingers curled ferociously around the metal bars of the cell. His knuckles white, Jules tugged at the bars with a frightening growl. Eyes now full of untamed fury, he kept yanking and yanking. Unable to understand the source of Jullien’s outrage, Ushara spared a glance at her brother and Trajen before joining her best friend. He was clearly set on opening this specific cell. Mildly confused, she helped him by unleashing her fiery breath over the unyielding lock. It took some work as the ancient metal resisted more than first predicted but once it fell apart, he was quick to get pull the door open and venture into the room’s darkness. Tempted to go after him, she bit her lip. She shouldn’t. Right? Jules knew what he was doing. He had to. Right..? Praying for her friend’s mindfulness, she raked her fingers through her white hair while readying herself for the swarm of hostiles. “Shit.” Unholstering both blasters, Ushara aimed them ahead, patiently waiting to feed her need for violence. To sate her hunger to spill enemy blood. Surely enough, the first party showed up next. An eerie smile descended upon her lips. “Come get some, bitches.” She murmured dangerously, mostly to herself. Her blood singing in delirium for a chance of revenge. It was then Jules emerged from the shadows of the dungeon with a female stranger leaning heavily against him. Vulnerability surrounded this woman, obviously injured during her captivity. She was a vision, absolutely breathtaking. And totally human, it seemed. Golden skinned and green eyed, she beckoned every gaze in the room like a siren singing to her sailors. Finally, all hell broke loose. Ushara’s first two shots came as warning. After that, she was all business, no play. She went ahead of Jules and his companion, assuming her offensive stance before engaging in further confrontation. With envying expertise, she blocked every attack while ensuring their inevitable escape from this shithole by counter attacking tirelessly. She was an animal in the game of warfare. When every opponent lied lifelessly on the ground, Ushara released a breath of relief before holstering her blasters again. The barrels still singed her flesh if she were to touch them directly. Her babies were well used today. Collecting their breaths, the five of them exited the house of horrors without so much as a backward glance. Only Jullien hesitated briefly to bend his upper body forward so he could pick the woman up and carry her in his arms, regardless of her protests that claimed she could walk on her own. Once safely inside her ship, Ushara urged Davel to initiate the flight commands to get them all back home and far, far away from there. Trajen, the silent watcher, joined her while the both of them observed from afar the exchange between Jullien and the woman he refused to leave behind. “Is she trustworthy?” She whispered her concerns to her boss, hoping he could give her some sort of endorsement. Instead, he shrugged. “Time will tell.” Helpful. She grumbled quietly on her way to the pair. Despite Jules current inability to interact with the world outside of his well of misery, he still managed to put the human’s needs before his. A feat she probably can’t even begin to appreciate but Ushara’s version of a very malicious green monster was quickly suffocated by her immediate thought to not throw judgements before gathering proper insight. “Hi there. I’m Ushara.” The female warrior extended her hand toward the other female before pointing at Trajen. “That’s Trajen, and the mountain of a man at the front of the helm is my brother, Davel.” She finished with a sincere smile. “I—I’m Bonnie. Bonnie Bennett.” She cleared her throat to mitigate the hoarseness in her voice. “It’s nice to meet you all.” As she took Ushara’s hand in hers, she couldn’t help but noticing Jullien’s retreating form as he sought solitude to quiet his roaring demons.

#charmeddelicacy #stygian dagger

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bbq-hawks-wings · 4 years

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Chapter 267 Review

So, there's a lot to get into this chapter that has absolutely nothing to do with Hawks but still has me

But we'll get to that, so let's go over the main plot, new/confirmed insights into Hawks' character/background, and finally insights into Dabi.

Main Plot

Key Observations:

Shiguraki's (not the PLF's) assets have been mobilized - Nomu, Gigantomachia, etc.

I point out Gigantomachia in particular because of the focus on his radio meaning that whoever gave him and the Nomu orders to mobilize:

Is Shigaraki himself

Is All-For-One

Or is someone with equivalent authority given by one of them.

I believe it's Shigaraki himself, but we'll find out soon.

Endeavor and Tokoyami swoop in the save the day for Hawks and Mirko.

I'm getting Tokoyami ice cream after this. Heck, might even take him to Disneyland he's earned it!!! We got confirmation that he and Hawks had started hanging out one-on-one during his internships (presumably after convincing Hawks to actually take him seriously) and do have a solid connection. This makes me very happy. Hawks does have someone he can genuinely call his friend - and in this time Tokoyami is possibly one of the best people he could have by his side, though not because of his prowess or whatever. I believe there's a strong thread in the overall plot of the next generation saving their predecessors, and Tokoyami specifically coming to Hawks' aid continues to confirm that. I have more speculations but will keep them to myself unless others specifically want to hear them.

Twice likely is dead. I have opinions circling this, but none of it will do much good until I see this conflict finished or have more, very specific information.

We'll get to this when we get to Dabi, but I can't help but wonder if Dabi hadn't ambushed Hawks if Jin would still be alive. On his own, Hawks didn't need to kill Jin to keep him at bay; but the moment Dabi entered the picture Hawks had a choice to make and locked it in. Toga has also had a fake-out death to miraculously come back, but I think it's safe to assume the worst for Jin. I really wish it didn't happen, but tactically I understand why it did.

Insights into Hawks

I would both die and kill for baby Keigo without hesitation.

Just look at him!

Protecc at all costs!!! Oh, he's so precious! But this brings me to my next point.

Hawks has been trained to be a hero who wins when the focus should have been on a hero who saves.

This one I don't necessarily blame Hawks himself for. Over and over and over and over again Hawks has shown to be a person who not only tries to save as great a majority as possible, but to stack the odds as high as he can in his favor to include as many as possible. He seeks to minimize suffering though he knows he can't save everyone. His focus is people in need first and going head to head with villains second. Which brings me to point #2.

His views on a future where heroes can breathe.

This is not rooted in a desire to not work, and I'd dare say not even to escape the Commission. He wants a place where people feel at peace. Tying in with the anime, it added details/sentiments that weren't mentioned or specified in the manga such as calling out Stain by name. We know he's been watching public opinion and sentiments surrounding heroes for a long time, and it doesn't seem like he swings to the extreme of abolishing heroes completely; but he does seem to agree the people need a symbol of peace - a paragon - to aspire to and emulate. He also seems to believe that this symbol should be able to inspire others given his even-clearer indication in the latest anime episode that Endeavor was his personal inspiration and now this flashback in the manga.

This seems to be directly in opposition to Dabi and what we now know about him.

Insights into Dabi

Let's start with his views of Stain - assuming he's a Todoroki (are you kidding me, Horikoshi?! A blacked out speech bubble?!?!?!?) - it would make a lot of sense how he would latch onto this figure who sought out personally punishing "fake heroes" with death. Endeavor has put through his family through enough suffering that most people who heard about it would consider death a merciful punishment. The lasting effects left over from the decades of abuse have left deep scars on each and every last member of the family. It also makes sense why he personally would not count All Might as a hero where Stain did because the abuse he suffered was an indirect result of All Might's prominence.

Considering how hard Endeavor pushed Dabi I would not be surprised if the inability to cry is not only a literal, physical scar of abuse; but potentially symbolic of another intangible inability to properly express, process, and relieve negative emotion:

Antisocial Personality Disorder.

This is a SERIOUS claim to make, so please understand I don't make it lightly; and I genuinely hope to be wrong because it doesn't bode well for anyone in Dabi's immediate social circle - especially the most vulnerable members of the League of Villains.

I need to be very clear, APD is not an "all or nothing" condition, and those who suffer from it can feel empathy and remorse to varying degrees depending on the individual. It's possible he may have had some kind of personal connection with members of the League, but his specific word choice is troubling. Compound this with the fact that he exhibits most of the major symptoms, has a history that puts him significantly at risk, and his current living/social condition aggravates his condition and complicates his ability to get treatment; and it makes at least a compelling argument. I can't be the first person to theorize this about Dabi, but this was the final piece of evidence that secured it as likely to be canon in my own mind.

I say this not to paint him as pure evil - in fact, he's still very much a victim of his father's abuse who desperately needs help - but to say that it makes it significantly harder to save him or rehabilitate him. I also want to bring up that it may make Twice's demise even more tragic and frame it in a new light that makes things worse.

If Dabi truly does not care about Jin as a person, there's a solid chance he did not climb those stairs to protect Jin but to get revenge on Keigo. Dabi could have been argued to be clever and managing his resources by opening fire on Hawks and Jin with the assumption Hawks would save him; but if he does have APD it's more likely he was acting impulsively and without regard to Jin's safety - that Jin remaining unburnt was a happy afterthought.

This is my biggest takeaway from this chapter and is both troubling and tragic if it's true. Those emotionally vulnerable members of the League like Spinner and Toga (who just watched her best friend die in her arms) are at risk of being manipulated up to and including giving up their lives just like Jin in the sake of Dabi single-mindedly getting his own revenge. I've said the League is fractured at its roots, but this is a much worse way of it falling apart of that's indeed the way we're going.

Jin likely would still be okay if Dabi had not stepped in. Hawks would have been able to restrain him and keep him from using his quirk without needing to resort to deadly force. Once Dabi entered the picture he not only put Hawks in a more desperate situation to actually need deadly force but emboldened Jin to keep fighting - and like a self-fulling prophecy neither side gave up until one of them died. At least for me now, there's a sense of empty loss and helplessness in it.

Nobody gets a gold star. Nobody deserves a pat on the back. This is the vicious wheel turning and hurting over and over again until it eventually crumbles under its own weight. We see seeds of hope in the reinforcements coming to aid in hours of need (like heroes should), but we're going to have to wait until next week to see the fallout.

I'm still open to talking about the chapter in asks if anyone is up for it, but I think this is probably the best I have to offer in a single post minus the fact that Keigo likely knows that Touya Todoroki did exist and is presumed dead. He can put the pieces together and it will be bitter when Endeavor eventually rejoins the main fray.

#spoiler!hawks #bnha manga spoilers #mha manga spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha spoilers #bnha meta

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xxairo-dev · 4 years

Text

Next Log

So I started making a 2D pixel art game. Welcome to my new Dev blog!

No official name, but the unofficial name is Bowfish.

(TLDR and Dev log with pretty gifs at bottom)

Hello internet, friends, and 2020 -- those of you that have been following me all this time know that I’ve been doing art for a loooong time. Even before I got into digital art in 2010, I’ve been drawing with paper and pencil for as long as I can remember and probably started playing video games right at the same time. For reference, my earliest memories of video games consist of Lemmings 3D on PS1, followed shortly by Rayman and Spyro the Dragon.

I’m still a big Spyro fan, also pretty sure this is how I became obsessed with dragons in general.

Science based dragon MMO girl, wherever you are -- I feel you, I am you.

Basically, I’ve been playing video games all my life (to the detriment of my parents) and I owe it to gaming for igniting my early artistic ambitions. In fact, I remember learning how to draw by copying the character art of Neopets and Sonic Advance before one day stumbling upon one of my dad’s Game Informer magazines and being blown away by the art that I saw in there (particularly the WoW art). I’m pretty sure that was when I was first introduced to Big Boy™ game art and instantly thought, “Whoa, I want to be able to draw like that”.

Later, when I got my first drawing tablet and started making digital art, it became “I want to draw for a video game”.

Even later, when I learned that being a video game artist was not a very realistic career path and opted to pursue a bachelors degree in biology instead of art, it became “I want to draw for a video game... on the side”.

Even later-er, when I got my degree in 2017 and started working full-time and realized that work saps you of all energy and motivation to work on projects at home, it became “I want to draw for a video game... some day”.

Well, today here we are in 2020 amid the COVID-19 pandemic. In March, I got furloughed from my biology job due to the quarantine. I spent four months passing time, thinking that I’d go back to work soon. But by the end of July, I was at wit’s end of what to do with myself after getting burnt out on a number of hobbies, games, shows, books, etc. without spiraling into some very expensive hobbies (hello aquariums) with the money I wasn’t making. I badly needed to find something productive to do that I thought would also benefit me in the long run i.e. post-quarantine, and unfortunately I couldn’t work on wet lab techniques at home.

“Learn to code” is what my parents have said to me about a thousand times for the past 5 years. “Learn to code” is what I did try for about two weeks with Code Academy a few years ago before realizing that none of what I was learning was going to stick because I wasn’t programming in any part of my daily life. As a biologist, in evolution we like to call this “if you don’t use it, you lose it”.

I know all too well about how coding is one of the best skills you can learn. However, I also know myself all too well to know that learning code for the sake of learning code wasn’t going to work for me. I wanted to wait to learn when the right situation presented itself, ideally when I would have an opportunity to use it almost every day at like a job or something.

Well, one of my good fellow artist (and biology) friends had recently taken the plunge into creating his first video game Meganura earlier in the year. I was (and still am) seriously -- and I cannot emphasize this enough -- impressed by his progress, dedication, and ability to learn coding for this game. Or more frankly, I was seriously impressed by his dedication and progress in to learning how to code for this game.

Meganura in all it’s crispy pixel-y goodness. Man, my friends are talented.

I dwelled on this for a while.

I always considered making a game to be out-of-reach because I absolutely could not muster up the motivation to learn a single drop of code without being paid to do so after 1) being beaten over the head by “learn how to code” for so long and 2) having already tried and given up in the past.

But as it got harder to sleep well, eat well, and feel happy during the quarantine, I feel like I hit a rock bottom where I felt like if I didn’t make a big effort to find a new purpose, then I was probably going to become depressed. To preface this, I have experienced depression before, and ever since I got out it has been my goal in life to never experience it again.

The only way I was going to survive this quarantine was to give myself a new “job”.

I already had a creative mind and the skills to create art and animations for a game. I already had a lifetime of game playing experience that had formed a detailed list of specific mechanics and visual details that I knew I wanted or didn’t want in a game. I already had an analytical and detail-oriented mind (thanks biology... or thanks videogames?) that liked to plan and build things.

All it would take is just a little bit of code...

If you’ve read this far, thanks for listening and I hope some of you hear yourselves in my story.

TLDR;

I am just a daytime biologist and hobby digital artist with zero coding experience.

I’m extremely proud to say that since 07/29/20, I have been successfully developing and coding my own 2D pixel art video game in Unity and am in full swing!

This is the start of my dev blog, where I’ll be logging my progress and thoughts throughout this journey for like-minded and aspiring individuals.

My Goals:

- To create everything from scratch -- art, scripts, etc.

- To create a game about bow hunting with intuitive drag/release controls

- To create a game that has cooking and campfires

- To create a game with pretty water graphics

- To create a game that has sushi and cats

- To have a playable demo by mid 2021 (my guess for the end of quarantine)

How I’ve been learning C#:

I have been following along with YouTube tutorials to create a base script and then looking up things in Unity’s scripting documentation to expand and modify my code to achieve exactly what I want. I’ve been learning C# and how to read documentation through almost entirely pattern recognition (e.g. mimicking and experimenting with code I’ve copied from tutorials and recognizing keywords in documentation) and turning to Google or my Tech Career Peers™ for help when I get stuck or to clarify things.

The key thing is that even after copying some code, I read the documentation and figure out how every line of code in my script works before moving on.

This is because after spending a few days of looking up YouTube tutorials, I realized there were no tutorials for the exact bow controls that I wanted. Instead, I ended up watching multiple tutorials and learned how all of their scripts worked before combining and modifying pieces together. Then, I started relying entirely on documentation to write lines of code.

I don’t know how many original lines of code I’ve written so far, but there are so many now and I am so proud of all of them.

So anyway, here’s what’s happened over the past 2-3 weeks.

Dev Log:

7/29/20

- Came up with an idea for a game

7/30/20

- Installed Unity and started watching Unity tutorial videos

7/31/20

- Created water shader via shader graph (no coding required!)

- Created a basic background, player sprite, bow sprite, and arrow sprite in Photoshop

08/03/20

- First time coding in C#

- Struggle to code in Notepad++, switched to Visual Studio Code

08/06/20

- Created physics based slingshot controls for the bow and arrow with a line renderer bowstring

- Colliders!

08/09/20

- Unable to find a way to pull arrow back horizontally (-X) regardless of mouse Y movement (OnMouseDown)

- Decided that slingshot controls are for slingshots, not bows and arrows

- Scrapped physics based slingshot controls due to overcomplication (rip)

08/10/20

- Created new projectile based controls that still include drag/shoot physics

08/11/20

- Limited rotation of the bow while aiming to max 45° and min -45°

- Developed distaste for vector algebra

- Made it so that if you don’t drag far enough, you won’t release an arrow

08/12/20

- Created a trajectory line coming off the bow

- Made arrows fade away after colliding

- Created git repository to keep all project files backed up on github (Don’t wait to do this! Should’ve been done on day 1)

08/14/20

- Added physics and collider to player

- Allow you to face and move left/right with the A and D keys + updated bow controls to match

- Created left/right movement while aiming + updated bow controls to match

- Created mouse drag line for development use

- Created waterline

- Made it so the bow resets to it’s default position if you haven’t used the bow for over 2 seconds

08/15/20

- Updated Player sprite in Photoshop

- Obtained Asesprite

- Created walk animation

08/16/20

- Created bow walk, bow equip, and bow unequip animations

Next Log

#game design #game dev blog #game dev #game dev update #indie game #pixel art #pixel animation #bowfish #meganura

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madamebaggio · 6 years

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(Notes:OMG I AM SO ABSOLUTELY SORRY!

I had the worst case of writer's block of the year and I was unhappy and pretty miserable. I am kind of back now, trying to write more, so if you reado one of my other fanfics ("Kiss with a fist", "Those Stark Boys" or "If I close my eyes") know that I'm working on them as we speak.

Thank you so much for all the support and kind comments. You're all the best.

BTW... A lot of people keep asking me about the other characters of GoT and if they will show up here. They won't, guys. No Arya, no Jon, no Brienne, or anyone else for that matter. Sansa is alone in Camelot and that's part of the story, ok? Nobody else from GoT will show up in this story. (They might for the epilogue, but jury's still out for that one, but it's basically a cameo to close the story).

Chapter 5

“What do you mean?” Bedivere demanded.

“The magic in her blood is much stronger than I anticipated.” The Mage murmured, eyes still fixed on the fire. “To have this amount of power… Her bloodline must be extremely ancient, and they somehow were kept relatively pure…”

“Are you saying she can use magic?” Bill asked socked.

“No. Even if her ancestors practiced magic at some point, I think they left it many generations ago.” The Mage stared into the distance.

“Could she be a sorceress?” Bedivere wanted to know.

The Mage shook her head. “This magic is dormant; she was never trained in the arts. However…” Now she finally looked at the others. “It is too powerful for it not to manifest in some way.”

“Manifest?” Rubio repeated, curious.

“Yes. Even if she is not trained, magic this intense finds a way to get out.” The mage explained. “She should have some peculiar talent. In cases like these, it normally is having visions of the future, healing powers or even talking to animals.”

“Someone would know if she had any of these gifts, no?” Bill commented.

Someone snorted. They all turned to find the women rolling their eyes at Bill.

“Something we missed, ladies?” Bedivere asked politely.

Ada, who was only a bit older than Arthur, but had helped raising him, gave Bedivere a flat look. “Someone would know? Has it occurred to you that, if she can do any of those things, she is very likely to keep very quiet about it?”

“Why?” Rubio was confused.

The women groaned in frustration. “Wet Stick, what happened to Daisy when she was accused of witchcraft last year, for no reason other than the fact she was a good healer?” Sigrid asked.

Wet Stick winced. “She was taken by the soldiers and we never saw her again.” He told the others.

“Women with ‘gifts’ are hardly ever well seen.” Ada told Bedivere. “Being a noble lady might give her some protection, but she would never tell people. I don’t believe Westeros is that different from here.”

“She is right.” The Mage called. “There is a chance she might not even know she has gifts, but if she does… She has no reason to tell people. Especially if she has a story as tragic as she supposedly does.”

“What do you think he will do to her?” Arthur spoke for the first time since it all had started.

His body was tense, his jaw locked. Bedivere and Bill traded looks, but refrained from commenting at that moment.

“He is going to sacrifice her.” The Mage spoke, full of conviction. “He would never use her for anything else; she’s perfect: noble blood, magic, virgin…”

“How do you know that last part?” Back Lack asked confused.

“The hair told me all I needed to know.” She informed him.

The man made a disgruntled face, making Wet Stick and Percival snort.

“This is easy to fix.” Bill suddenly said.

“How?” Rubio asked.

“If he needs a virgin sacrifice, and she is not a virgin anymore…”

He didn’t need to finish the thought, they’d all understood it.

“Yes.” Judith, another one of the girls, drawled. “Because it will be very simple to go to a noble lady and tell her she needs to sleep with someone for the sake of England.” She finished dryly.

“Because I expect that is what you’re suggesting right there, Bill.” Arthur said, his voice deadly cold.

Bill arched a brow. “I expect you know me well enough to be aware that it is, in fact, what I am suggesting.”

“Let us take a deep breath, mates.” Back Lack put his hand on Arthur’s shoulder. “Ladies, what do you think we should do?”

“It might be a good time to just tell her the truth.” Ada offered. “If she feels you lot are hiding something from her, she might be more inclined to believe in the other one.”

“I agree.” Sarah, another of the girls nodded. “Get Maggie to tell her the truth, she might like us a bit more then.”

“What if she’s on his side already?” Arthur pointed out. “What if she doesn’t believe us?”

“We have to take the risk.” The Mage answered from her place. “We can’t afford to let him have her. If she won’t believe us… We will need to do something about it.”

Arthur took a deep breath. “So you’re suggesting we kill her if she doesn’t believe us.” It wasn’t a question.

“It’s either her or England.” The Mage indicated simply. “Which one would you choose?”

He didn’t even need to answer that.

XxX

Sansa hadn’t slept after Arthur left; she hadn’t managed to even close her eyes. He’d scared her, badly. For all this time she’d been living in England, she’d tried to forget everything that happened to her in Westeros, she tried to convince herself it wasn’t her life anymore.

She shouldn’t have been so naïve. Again.

She didn’t question Vortigern motives, and she should have. By now she knew the King well enough to know he would never have brought her to Camelot if he didn’t have a plan for her. However, she chose to pretend he was just bored or something, and that he just wanted a companion for his daughter.

She had been willingly blind; Vortigern could get a thousand girls to keep Katia company without even walking far. He had no reason to need specifically her, he had no reason to trouble himself with bringing her all the way from King’s Landing.

Which meant he wanted something.

After her first year there, Sansa had started thinking Vortigern wanted to either marry her himself or marry her off to someone else. He was extremely protective of her, and many of the guards wouldn’t talk or even look at her. She thought he was saving her for some reason and the only logical one was marriage.

Right?

Now she was not so sure anymore. To be honest, since that damned day that Arthur came into her way she wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

He’d destroyed her peace and he was still doing it.

For a man like him it was easy to say she just needed to fight back and be her own hero. He was raised to fight, and believe that because he could carry a sword the world was his for the taking. He grew up knowing his strength would be measured by what he could do with said sword, and that men would respect him if he was bigger and meaner than the others.

Sansa had been raised to be a wife and a mother. She heard a thousand times her kindness and graciousness should be her biggest assets, and that a woman should turn her face away from violence. She was never raised to be a fighter, she was supposed to have a family as soon as possible and care for that family. All the fighting should be left to the men.

He spoke like she was in this situation just because she wanted, as if it would be as simple as picking up a sword and she could go anywhere she wanted.

Men hardly ever understood.

“This is not fair!” She heard Katia protesting.

Sansa hurried down the stairs, only to find Mercia looking down at Katia. “It is what the King wishes, therefore, it shall happen.” He informed her.

“What happened?” Sansa asked, standing by Katia.

“My father wants us back in Camelot!” Katia cried, grabbing Sansa’s arm. “He heard about some commotion in Londinium and now he wants me to go back. This is not fair!” She insisted. “I was not there.”

“But Lady Sansa and Lady Maggie were.” Mercia turned his eyes to Sansa, and she felt the accusation on them. “Now, we cannot allow them to be in danger, can we?”

Sansa cleared her throat. “Lord Mercia, this is hardly necessary. Maybe we can stay a few more days, no more visits to…

“The King was clear.” He cut her, without any respect. “You are going back to Londinium now.”

Katia’s eyes welled in tears, then she stormed off to the bedroom she had been given.

Sansa turned to follow her, when Mercia’s voice stopped her. “Make sure she packs fast, Lady Sansa.”

Sansa had to control her expression as she nodded at him and followed Katia back to her room.

It was quite curious that, despite being older than Katia, Sansa was more mature. Katia very often behaved somewhat like a spoiled child, like she’d just done. Of course, Sansa understood she was upset -she hardly left Camelot and this trip was already short as it was -but she was old enough to know that tantrums just looked bad for her.

She consoled Katia for a few minutes, letting her cry and say how it wasn’t fair, then told her she would send someone to help her pack. Sansa left to her own chambers to start her own packing, when Maggie came in and closed the door after herself.

“Lady Maggie…” Sansa started carefully.

“I do not have much time.” Maggie said urgently. “I rather say this here, because I am not so sure if I can say it in Camelot without someone hearing and reporting back to the King. Here I feel a bit safer.”

That shut Sansa up.

“You were right.” Maggie admitted in a rush. “I took you to Londinium so you could meet Arthur. I swear that it was never my intention that you would get lost or scared; the riot we saw was not part of the plan. I am sorry for that.”

“Why are you telling me this now?” Sansa wanted to know.

“They think Vortigern plans on sacrificing you.” Maggie told her directly.

“What?” Sansa was incredulous.

“Arthur asked for a lock of your hair, the Mage tested it. She believes he wants to sacrifice you for your bloodline.”

“This is preposterous!” Sansa snapped. “Sacrifice me? What type of person would…

“You have heard the whispers.” Maggie spoke firmly. “You know about the Tower and Vortigern’s desperation to finish it. You cannot say you think it is all madness.”

Sansa took a deep breath. “But why me?”

“Because of your lineage. I do not know the details.” Maggie admitted. “But they are sure this is what he wants.”

“So I have to believe in your word?” Sansa hissed at her.

“I know it is difficult, and you have no reason to believe me, Sansa, but I am being honest. If I wanted I could have said nothing. And I am taking a great risk now, telling you that I have contacts amongst the rebels. You could go straight to Vortigern and tell him all of this.”

Why those things kept happening to her? She did not want to be involved in this…

But then again… That was exactly what that prick had told her, wasn’t it? She couldn’t remain happily neutral, pretending there wasn’t a revolution happening out there, and that it could go either way at any given moment.

She would have to choose a side

“I have to pack, Lady Maggie. You should go.”

Maggie still opened her mouth, like she intended to say more, but then she just nodded at Sansa and left.

XxX

This time they couldn’t watch the party moving. Mercia had come to pick the princess up and carry her back to Camelot, and he’d brought guards along.

Besides, they didn’t really need to watch the whole parade, they knew where the princess was going, who she was with, and that Vortigern wasn’t anywhere near them.

“You’re quiet.” Back Lack commented from his place beside Arthur.

“Just thinking.” Arthur commented in a lower, tired voice.

“I know what you’re thinking about.” The other man snorted.

Arthur sighed. “Don’t start, Back Lack. You have no idea…”

“You got hooked by those pretty eyes, there’s nothing wrong with that. I know you better than anyone, I’m not blind.” Back Lack indicated as he got up. He put his hand on Arthur’s shoulder. “Just remember: she belongs to him. Don’t do anything stupid.” He recommended, squeezing Arthur’s shoulder before leaving the man alone.

Arthur wouldn’t even ask why Back Lack had come to the conclusion that he had some type of interest in Lady Sansa. He was right, he knew Arthur better than anyone.

But on one thing he was wrong.

“She belongs to no one.”

XxX

Sansa was spiraling; she was panicking. What if they were right? What if Vortigern really intended to sacrifice her?

By all the Gods, how was this her life? Would she ever get just a bit of peace? How come she was always falling into the hands of crazy Kings that wanted to use her?

And what if Maggie was lying to her? How could she trust the other woman?

Why was all of this so complicated?

Maybe she’d grown less than she thought. Perhaps she still was that stupid little girl, the one that knew nothing and trusted all the wrong people.

“My Lady.” A servant knocked on her door. “The King wishes to see you.”

Sansa nodded to the man and got up. What could Vortigern want with her? They had occasional conversations from time to time, but she’d barely arrived back at Camelot.

She checked her appearance on the mirror than made her way to the King’s solar. Vortigern was there alone, sitting behind his massive desk.

“My King.” Sansa curtsied prettily.

“Lady Sansa, come closer.” He told her softly.

Sansa started to feel distinctively like prey; his eyes were fixed on her, cool and calculating. Vortigern was a good-looking man, but the more time she spent with him, the more he made her nervous in a way that was different from other men. Even when Sansa briefly thought he planned on marrying her, she’d never thought he actually wanted her; she was certain Vortigern didn’t see her like a woman at all. Sometimes, when he looked at her, Sansa felt a visceral fear.

She felt like prey.

Sacrifice.

Oh no! It was not the time to let those words -those absurd words -wreak havoc in her mind.

She walked up to his desk, unsure if she looked as nervous as she felt.

“I have talked to Lady Maggie.” Vortigern said when she was close enough. “About what happened in Londinium.”

“It was an unfortunate event.” Sansa spoke carefully.

“I am not happy about it.” He informed her. “You are my guest, I cannot have you in dangerous situations.”

“It was not something we could have predict, Your Majesty…”

“You are right.” He gave in too easily. “An even better reason to not leave the keep at all.”

She knew she was in a delicate situation now. “Of course, Your Majesty.” She conceded. “I truly apologize for any problem I may have brought. I do not wish to be ungrateful after everything you have done for me.” She lowered her head, eyes on the ground.

The silence stretched for a whole minute, until the King decided to break it. “I worry about you, Lady Sansa. I am just trying to keep you safe.”

“I know, My King.” She replied quietly.

“There is someone out there, trying to destroy me; the so called born-king. I cannot have you or Katia out there, where he can do something to both of you.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

She risked a look in his direction. He was looking intensely at her. “Have you ever seen him?”

She didn’t need to ask who he was talking about. “No, My King. I haven’t seen anyone.”

His mouth curled up on the right corner. “You wouldn’t lie to me, would you, Sansa?”

“No, My King.”

He hummed under his breath. “Go rest. You had a long trip and I would like to see you for supper.”

“Yes, My King.” She curtsied.

She started leaving, then stopped. She shouldn’t… It was a bad idea, but…

“My King?” She turned back.

He had been watching her leaving. “Yes?”

“I know it is not my place to ask anything of you, considering how generous you have been all this time, but…” She bit her lower lip. “Well… I have always wished to marry and have my own family; and now I am older… I was wondering… Would you consider finding me a match?”

The room became so silent so suddenly that Sansa feared he could hear her heart beating inside her chest.

“Why are you asking this now, Lady Sansa?” He finally asked.

“I know it is not something to be decided lightly, and it might take you some time to consider it.” She replied carefully. “So I decided to ask you now, Your Majesty.”

Vortigern wasn’t blinking. “I do not know if I want to part from you so soon, Lady Sansa.” He finally replied. “You are a great company for my daughter and I have no plans of marrying her yet. Do you have someone you wish to marry?” The last part wasn’t so much a question, as it was demand for the truth.

“Not at this time, My King.” She answered. “I just wish…”

“You are still young.” He cut her. “I do not wish to see you married so soon. This conversation is done.”

“Yes, My King. I am sorry for bothering you.”

As Sansa hurried away from him she started questioning everything she thought she knew. Was this really a simple question of Vortigern not wanting to marry her now, or was there something else behind it?

Why was she suddenly starting to believe in a man she’d seen twice before?

And if he was right… What could she possibly do?

(Notes: So for this chapter I took in consideration something I saw on the internet and I'm almost sure it's actually official. Supposedly, G.R.R. Martin said that all the Stark children had the hability to warg, but Sansa lost Lady before she could discover this. The Starks descent from the First Men, so I'm basically using all of that as justification for Sansa's magic blood. As the Mage said, she isn't a sorceress and she isn't going to become one, it's just a heritage she has.

BTW I have just finished this and immediately posted it, so I can only imagine the mistakes there... Let me know if something is too terrible.

Let me know your feelings!

Cheers)

#fanfic #madame baggio #Sansa Stark #Arthur Pendragon #Sansa x Arthur #game of thrones #king arthur legend of the sword #CrossOver #crackship #chapter 5 #gifs not mine #i wont believe in songs

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stanknotstark · 3 years

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Astral Pt. 17 (Loki x Reader)

Uh oh it’s meet the parents time, well not time yet but like Odin has requested you visit Asgard. Also there’s some uh sexy times in this. I couldn’t figure out how to write this without the stuff happening like i can’t just skip over it say that you panicked and leave it at that so I tried my best to write sexy times. It was extremely hard dude like how do you guys do it so effortlessly?!

P.S. IF YOU WANT TO SKIP THE SEXY TIMES I BOLDED THE QUOTE BEFORE IT STARTS. The only reason I put it in here was to show that you do have trauma, it is not pushing the plot in any way, shape, or form.

You had set things up for your mother by talking to Stark. She wasn’t going to live in the tower. Being without her powers and living as another, normal, mortal was her punishment. So, you had Stark set her up a bank account with enough money to be comfortable for a couple months. She would have to find a job to continue to make money and survive in the real world. He also had an apartment bought for her, furnished.

She was getting off lightly, most people didn’t get any of this, had to survive the streets without anything given to them to cushion their fall into adulthood so it helped your guilt about the whole situation a little bit. You try to chastise yourself, this woman had tried to have you killed then tried to kill you herself. She doesn’t deserve your guilt but it’s something built into you that you can’t change, at least without time.

As you walk Madonna up to her apartment you ask the important question, “Do you happen to know where Kang is hiding?”

Madonna frowns at you as you both stop in front of the apartment’s door. “Child, your powers aren’t developed enough to take him on. He’s a prodigy of his time, a genius if you will. If you fight him now he will break you down, destroy you and everything you know, and then take you away and build you into what he wants.”

You chew on the inside of you cheek.

“I’m not as weak as you think. Everyone always underestimates me but regardless I will train and when I think I’m ready I’ll come back and you’ll tell me where he is?” You proposition.

Madonna sizes you up with her eyes but gives a short nod and you give her a small smile then nod at the door.

Madonna takes the keys you hand her and unlocks her apartment. You both walk in and marvel at how nice it is. It’s sleek and modern but the price was reasonable.

The apartment is near to Stark’s tower, something you all had taken to calling the Avenger’s tower now, which is why the price is reasonable. With the whole invasion on his tower all the real estate prices around it had plummeted to an all time low. There were new insurance companies that had sprung up too, superhero insurance, in case your home got destroyed by a fight or invasion.

Madonna makes her way into the living room and sits on the couch with a content sigh. You stand awkwardly at the entrance.

“You seem happy to be here.” You point out in a confused voice.

Madonna looks at you and actually gives genuine smile.

“While I’m afraid of not having my powers I can handle myself just fine and, without my powers, all my responsibilities have been cut in half. You’ll understand the obligations of a celestial if you ever create your own world and beings.” Madonna explains as she runs a hand over the top of the couch and looks around the room.

You frown at her, consider your next question with a pros and cons list in your mind. The pros outweigh the cons though.

“Will you teach me to be a celestial?”

Madonna looks at you again and you watch as she thinks.

“I can answer any questions you have but I think that is something you must learn on your own.” She says slowly.

You shrug at her, “Worth a shot.”

You help her settle in the apartment, bringing in her bags of new clothes you had helped her buy. When she is settled you make your leave in Tony’s car.

You’re not sure you really want to go back to the tower just yet so you make a detour and find yourself at a park. Specifically the Super park. Very original name you can’t help but think sarcastically.

This is a park set up in NYC that holds statues of the Avengers. It’s practically abandoned and covered in graffiti you note as you walk through it. The park had began with good intentions but when the public got their hands on it it had been devastated.

While a lot of people loved the Avengers it was inevitable that there would be those who didn’t like the Avengers, that hated them. People had lost businesses, people, their whole lives in the invasion. The Avengers were the only ones to blame seeing as Loki had been taken off world. The whole situation makes you uncomfortable because there are still lots of people fighting about how the Avengers should be controlled by the government. They believe the Avengers are unstable without regulation. This argument had been brought up right after the invasion and luckily the Avengers could ignore it but now it was getting out of hand and would need to be handled with care.

You know it’s something you’ll have to face in the future but right now, at the present, it is not a problem you can solve so you let it leave your mind and continue walking around, reading the plaques on your teammates statues.

You get into a battle stance as you feel magic crackle to life beside you. You relax as you see the bifrost burn its sigils into the ground next to you. When the light has left and you look at the markings on the ground you see a letter in the middle. You look up at the sky with a confused look but walk over and pick up the letter.

The letter is of old, yellowing parchment. It’s waxed closed with a family crest. It’s on deep red wax, gold dusting helps define the crest. You file a finger nail under the wax with care so as not to rip the letter as you open it. Then, you open and read it.

Lady Y/N,

You have been summoned by the Allfather to attend a royal feast in two days time. The Allmother has requested a days time to communicate.

You swallow. You had hoped you’d have more time to get used to meeting the parents but it seems that was cut short. You fold the short letter and make your way back to the car. You needed to speak to Loki about this new development.

When you arrive back at the tower Loki is in the lab with Clint and Tony. Loki hovers over an arrow, working magic on it, muttering under his breath, and Tony and Clint watch from his sides, leaning forwards with curiosity.

You clear your throat and while Tony and Clint glance at you, Loki continues enchanting the arrow. You smile at them both so they know you’re not here with anything important. Not to them, at least.

Loki finishes enchanting the arrow and hands it to Clint with a smirk.

“Try it, archer.” Loki says.

Clint does a few bunny hops and throws his hands out in a gimme gesture. Him and Tony go to the area of his lab that is cleared and holds a destroyed Iron Man suit, as a target you guess.

Loki comes to you distracting you from the two men. At the nervous look on your face Loki reaches a hand out and holds your upper arm in his hand as if to ground you, and frowns down at you. “What happened?”

You pull the letter you had received from your back pocket and hold it between you and Loki. Loki’s eyes fill with understanding as he sees the letter.

You’re both distracted as Clint gives a happy holler and Tony says a fascinated ‘sweet’. When you look over you see an arrow embedded in Tony’s old suit. The metal, instead of Red and Gold, is now of an animated rainbow color.

You raise your eyebrows at Loki who looks at you and shrugs. Then Loki releases your arm and grabs the letter you still hold up. As he reads it you hug yourself and move from foot to foot in nervousness.

He looks at you, magics the letter away and pulls your arms away from your body till he’s holding both your hands.

“It shall be alright, darling. The Allfather, while he dislikes me,” At this you frown at Loki, he had never really explained why he didn’t call his father father anymore and now you’re learning there is for sure something wrong between them, “He is not biased about the company I hold. Be yourself around him but do not get upset if he doesn’t like you. It means no less about him welcoming you into the family.”

You bite your lip but nod. You’re not soothed at all but you’ll pretend for Loki’s sake.

“Mother will adore you, I have no doubts about that.” Loki says, squeezing your hands, his thumbs then caressing the top of them.

“You’ll have to get me the proper clothes for the feast and all.” You tell Loki, your eyes trailing to your hands in his. You appreciate that Loki’s hands are perfect for yours. His are bigger than yours but slim so they don’t engulf your hands. You can feel each callous from his usage of weapons as he caresses your hands.

“I will make you the required clothes, you will look stunning, darling.” Loki says bringing one of your hands up and kissing your knuckles.

That’s when Clint and Tony come over.

“What’s happening over here, hot shot?” Clint asks you.

You look to Clint with a small smile.

“I’m to meet Loki’s parents.” You say, feeling Loki tense at the word parents but he relaxes just as quickly. Loki drops one of your hands but continues holding the other as he turns and looks at Tony and Clint.

Tony’s eyes widen. “You’re meeting the parents already?”

You chuckle, kicking the ground lightly with the toes of your shoe, a nervous tick. “Ya, technically it’s time, I’ve been with Loki for awhile now.” You shrug.

Tony gasps out a laugh, Clint smiling at your nonchalance. You suspect Clint, at least, knows you’re definitely freaking out inside.

“Ok, well don’t listen to that bullshit about being yourself,” As Tony says this you see Loki roll his eyes and look at you with a fond look, “That never works, kiss their ass if you really want them to love you.” Tony finishes his advice to which Clint laughs with you, Loki merely smiles.

“Tony is right. All parents have this thing where they never feel any person is good enough for their child. Kissing their asses would be beneficial.” Clint says, bringing an arm around Tony’s shoulders and they both smile at you.

You roll your eyes, you can feel yourself relaxing though so you appreciate what they’re obviously doing.

“Ok guys, while i appreciate what you’re doing I need some time to figure out what I’m going to say to them and all so.” You give a small wave.

Loki goes to release your hand but you grab it again and tug on it. Loki smiles at you then nods at the two men and follows behind you.

You find yourself and Loki cuddled up together in your living room. The TV is running in the background, the noise low, but you’re not really sure what’s playing.

You find that you don’t really want to focus on the upcoming event and instead just ask Loki random questions.

“If you adopted a pet what would you name it?” You ask as you curl into Loki.

Your head is resting on Loki’s upper chest, your arms around Loki fiddling with his clothes. He sits up with him arms wrapped around your waist too, his chin resting on your head.

“Einar.” Loki says thoughtfully. “I’ve always been curious about cats. Perhaps one day, when we have a place to call our own, we may look into adopting one?” Loki asks.

You lose your breath at Loki’s words. Moving in together was a huge milestone for a relationship, at least here on Earth, you’re not sure about Asgard. Loki said it so casually too, as if he has already thought about it, planned it out, and that makes you extremely happy, if not a little guilty. Guilty because you hadn’t had those thoughts yet. You reason that there hasn’t been time recently to do it though.

“Darling?” Loki asks, pulling you from your thoughts, he shifts both of you so he may look down at your face now. You see a slight frown on his face and it also shows doubt, as if he said something wrong.

You look up at him and smile, “I would love that.” You say softly causing Loki to smile at you too.

You settle against him again, your head now resting on his shoulder.

“Is there something that reminds you of me?” You now ask.

You can feel Loki thinking which makes you give a small smile.

“When I see waffles I instantly think of you. It does not sound romantic but the sight of them fills me with bliss. It stems from that moment you became angry with Steve because he did not make enough waffles to satiate your needs.” Loki chuckles as he says this.

You laugh and hug Loki tighter. “That is romantic, maybe not in a conventional way but romantic regardless. Plus, waffles are the best, I’ll fight you if you disagree.” You look up at Loki and give him a cute scrunch of your face as if you’re angry.

Loki laughs and shakes his head, “I have no doubt you will, darling.”

You think of another question and ask with a curious face. “If I was a dessert what would I be?”

Loki answers immediately. “Moon pie.”

You let a shocked look fall over your face. “Ok you said that like you’ve thought of it before. Why?”

Loki smirks, looks at the TV but you know his attention is on you.

“Because you have a hard exterior, it is able to be broken but protects what’s inside.”

You hum thoughtfully, “What’s inside?”

Loki looks back at you with a fond look. “All the mushy stuff. Your love, care, and kindness. Your troubles and all the emotions that come with that. Everything that makes you you.” Loki finishes and you look at him with a slightly ajar mouth.

Loki smiles and brings a hand up to close your open mouth then leans and kisses your lips.

When Loki pulls from you you smile but lightly slap Loki’s chest. “You may pretend you’re not romantic but you’re such a romantic.” You say causing Loki to roll his eyes.

“I would say I have a reputation to uphold but that would be a lie and I refuse to lie to your face.”

You laugh and settle into Loki again. He brings his arms up and squeezes you to him.

“Will you make me something with your colors in it?” You say, tiptoeing the subject that needs to be talked about.

“Yes. On Asgard, to wear one’s colors is a sign of commitment and, in a way, shows my claim on you, that you’re mine.”

As Loki says this you bring a hand up to your necklace. “Oh.”

Loki lets one of his hands cover yours at your neck and caresses it with his thumb.

“Yours.” You whisper, looking down at your hands.

“Yes.” Loki whispers back.

You’re not really sure what’s happening right now. You’ve known you were Loki’s, sure, but right now it’s very intimate and you feel as if a milestone has been achieved.

You clear your throat but don’t move. Instead, Loki brings your hand to your lap but doesn’t let go of it.

“I assume I should call the Allfather, his majesty and the Allmother, her majesty?”

“Yes, unless they specify another name.”

“And the feast, what is that like?”

Loki hums, his fingers playing with your hand.

“It will be a five course meal. I suggest not eating much on each course if you plan to enjoy the full feast. Asgardian's eat like savages, using their hands like beasts,” You giggle at the disgust in Loki’s voice, “It will be filled with conversation but the real conversations will start after the feast. Once the feast is over there will be a reception where people share details of their travels with each other, however I’m sure you will be the center of attention for this reception.”

This makes you shiver with fear.

Loki uses his other hand, not holding yours, to rub your back.

“I would say you don’t have to worry but there will be women who challenge your feelings for me.”

“What?” You say a little shocked. “Like women who wish to date you?”

“Yes and no.” Loki says slowly. “Women who wish to date royalty.”

At this you pull from Loki and look at him with a frown.

“Their attempts will be met with disdain then. How dare they even attempt to date you for their own selfish, gold digging reasons!” You exclaim.

Loki smiles at you, his face full of adoration. “Please do, it will amuse me but most importantly show your devotion.” Loki lets go of your hand and brings it up to cup your jaw and caress your cheek.

“You will do marvelous if you stick to your truest self. Do not try to hide anything because the people of Asgard will sniff it out like a shark and blood. They feed off lies and doubt as if it is a weakness.”

You nod, the look in Loki’s eyes giving you confidence and determination. You will show those Asgardian’s who Loki chose to be with, why you were perfect together, soul bond or not. You’re determined to show those...those hussies why they don’t deserve Loki’s attention.

At the frustration rising in you as you think of the women that would use Loki you say, “I need to do something physical.”

Loki raises a brow at you and you let out a shocked laugh.

“Ok, that’s not what I had in mind but I’m not saying no.” You tell Loki who smirks at you.

You arrange yourself to straddle Loki’s lap and look down at Loki. He looks up at you, his pupil dilating.

“This is where you belong. On my lap, pleasing me.” Loki says in a deep voice filled with lust.

It makes you gasp and heat pools in your panties.

Loki gives a sharp smile and brings a hand up to bring your face to his. Right before your lips meet Loki says, “I wonder if you’ll beg for me, darling.”

You let out a soft breath, looking into Loki’s eyes. “I beg for no one.”

Loki growls and takes your lips with passion. You lose yourself in him, letting out whimpers when he pulls away to allow you to breath. Moaning when he squeezes your thighs hard enough to bruise.

You can tell he’s holding back. Forcing himself to try and be gentle and patient. You trust him.

You pull from his mouth and look into his now open eyes. “I think I’m ready...” You whisper. Loki’s eyes fill with more lust and he pulls your mouth back to his. As he kisses you he stands, your legs naturally wrapping around his waist.

You’re not sure how Loki does it, seeing as he never stops kissing you, but Loki walks you both to your bedroom and lays you on the middle of the bed, gently.

Instead of stripping you he starts by stripping himself. You smile at his way of giving you time to come to terms with what you’re going to do.

He strips down to his boxers then comes back and hovers over you. Your hands naturally come up and explore the exposed skin above you.

As your fingers trail from the waistband of his boxers to his chest, Loki starts kissing and nipping at your throat. Your other hand comes up and holds onto Loki’s arm that supports him. Loki finds a sensitive spot on your neck that makes you gasp, close your eyes, and the hand that had trailed on his chest slightly scratches at his skin as you curl it into a balled fist. Loki lets out a groan at the scratching.

You try to tab this new development in your mind but Loki is now playing with that spot on your neck with a fevered passion and you’re losing it.

Loki finally stops playing with you and pulls back to look down at you. “Green?”

“Green.” You say with your eyes closed, a blissed smile on your lips.

Loki hums and pulls at your t-shirt.

You open your eyes and nod, Loki pulls back to his knees and lets you sit up so you may take your shirt off. When it’s off, thrown into the room carelessly, you go to pull of your bra, hesitate, but unclip it and let your breast free anyways.

Loki catches your eyes but is satisfied with what he finds because he lays you down again, hovering over you.

He kisses the tip of your nose, both your cheeks, your mouth, chin, then delves further down and you gasp and grab at his hair as he sucks one of your nipples into his mouth. Your mind is going haywire with all the sensations you feel.

As Loki sucks and nips on one nipple, he uses his hand to play with the other. He pulls, pinches, and rolls the nipple between his fingers shooting pleasure through your body that pools into heat in your panties and causes you to moan softly.

You’re pretty sure your nipple will be bruised come tomorrow when Loki finishes with it. He looks up at you through his lashes and shoots you a small smile. You smile back at him, caressing his black locks of hair you had been tugging on.

He decides to come back up for your lips. As he kisses you he slides a hand between your bodies and unbuttons your jeans. When you don’t react in a bad way he then slips his hands under your jeans and panties and you gasp into his mouth as his fingers slide over your wet lips.

You try to stay focused on the kiss. Images you don’t like are flashing into your mind but you want this so bad so you try to force them away, desperate. Loki is running a finger from the base of your lips to the clit.

When Loki lets your lips go you breathlessly say, “Yellow.” With closed eyes.

However you whimper when Loki pulls his hand from your pants. You open your eyes to see Loki’s filled with concern.

“Don’t stop.” You whisper with a pout.

Loki gets a soft look on his face but no less lust. He slowly maneuvers his hand back in your panties and just rests it there, cupping you. Then, he brings his lips to yours again, probing your mouth with his tongue. You gain some confidence and fight Loki’s tongue with yours. After a second he lets you explore his mouth.

One arm wraps around Loki, your hand resting on his back, occasionally dragging your nails over his skin. The other finds its way down his chest, trails to his boxers, plays with the waistband. Loki lets out a breathless sigh as you pull your lips from his. His eyes are closed.

You watch his facial expressions as you slip your hand under his boxers and touch him for the first time. He hisses as you lightly touch the head, teasing the hole, then slowly trail you fingers over his whole cock. His face is beautiful, his eyebrows are stitched together, his eyes fluttering open to look at you with burning desire, but you can see he is still holding himself back. Letting you do what you’re comfortable with. This fuels you with confidence.

Loki bites his lip when you pull your hand from his boxers but takes them off when you pull at them. You watch, half sitting up on your elbows when Loki comes back to you. He straddles your hips and supports himself on his knees that pin you to the bed. His cock stands with attention. You appreciate it and look up when Loki asks, “Yellow?”

“Green.” You say.

Loki nods and cusps your neck with a hand, meeting you half way for a kiss. You now sit up and support yourself through your abdominal muscles. Instead of supporting you, you bring one hand between you and Loki and wrap your fingers around his base. Loki falters while kissing you as you move your hand from the base to the tip and back down. When your hand comes back up you spread his pre cum that dribbles out and tease his head again. At this Loki groans.

“Your hands are perfect,” Loki whispers, closing his eyes and resting his forehead on yours, “Everything about you is perfect, darling.” He whispers across your face.

This spurs you on. You bite your lip and watch Loki’s face as you find a sensitive spot right under his head, causing Loki to grip your arm with his free hand. The hand at your neck squeezes but moves to your shoulder so he does not choke you. His mouth opens slightly as you tease that one spot, his eyes squeezed tight. His body is tense above you.

“Does that feel good?” You ask quietly, a smirk on your face.

Loki’s eyes open to look at you, you hum at the need in them. “Yes, Gods yes, darling.”

“That’s too bad.” You say, looking down at your hand.

You stop playing with that spot on his head and spread more of his pre cum so you may stroke his entire length again. Loki loses the tenseness but not completely.

“You tease.” He breathes out.

You laugh lightly.

You focus on your hand again. As you stroke down you let your fingers wander further down and fondle his balls before coming back up and stroking him again.

You look up at Loki when he speaks.

“If I didn’t know-” Loki grunts as you stroke his tip, “-any better, I would think you’ve done this before.” He finally finishes.

You smile at him, his eyes fluttering shut, opening again to look at you.

“I read.” Is all you say.

You let your hand come back to that spot Loki loves and caress it, play with it, and that’s when Loki grabs your hand with his. His eyes squeezed shut.

“If you continue I will not last.” He says through clenched teeth.

You love that you make Loki feel like this, that you have this power over him.

You retract your hand and smile as you watch Loki compose himself, come down from his high.

When he is able he opens his eyes and looks down at you.

“Your turn.” He says, laying you down, hovering over you so he may access your wet lips.

He isn’t rough but he isn’t gentle when he slips his hand into your panties. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling at the hair on the nape of his neck, as he leans down to kiss you. His fingers play with your lips before he finally starts to caress your clit.

You gasp into his mouth at the sensation. It lights your nerves on fire and you moan. He slowly circles it, at one point pinching lightly causing you to twitch and thrust into his hand.

Finally, Loki slowly breeches you with a finger. It’s slow going and you begin to shake. You’re getting images of your brother so your squeeze your eyes shut and take in a shuddering breath.

“Yellow?” You hear Loki ask, his hand now frozen.

“Yellow.” You whisper.

Loki kisses your lips then moves his mouth down, sucking on your neck instead. He bites and sucks at that spot you love but leaves it so he doesn’t leave a hickey. Instead he explores the other side. You relax into him, turning your head so he has better access to your throat.

Slowly Loki starts pumping his finger into you. You stop yourself from tensing and try to enjoy it. You focus on his lips gliding over your throat.

It’s when he tries to breech you with another finger that you have to stop him. When he tries pushing in a second and there is a slight pain that triggers you. You gasp and put a hand on Loki’s chest, your eyes squeezed shut you choke out, “Red, red!”

Loki stops everything, pulls his hand from your panties and his lips from your throat.

You just lay there, doing the breathing exercises Loki had taught you. Loki stays hovering over you but keeps minimal touch. You realize he doesn’t move because he doesn’t want to jar you.

You focus on Loki’s heartbeat, which beats under your hand that rests on his chest.

When you’re calm you realize what has happened and open your eyes with tears welling in them.

“I’m so sorry.” You gasp, trying to curl in on yourself.

Loki stops you, laying beside you and pulls you to him, hugging you.

“It’s fine, darling. I am not mad. I’m sad but only because you feel this way and shouldn’t. I am not sad because we had to stop.” Loki whispers into your hair as you sob into his chest.

“But I’m broken, Loki.” You blabber into his chest.

“Shh, you’re not broken, you are far from broken, darling. You are strong, you are capable, you are resilient.”

“Then why do I-”

“Darling,” Loki interrupts what you had been about to say, “You have been through a traumatic experience, something like this is expected but it does not make you weak or broken. You made it so far before you had to stop. If it was I who had to stop, would you think me weak or broken?”

You gasp and look at Loki now, fat tears spilling over your cheeks. “No! Never.”

“Then why do you speak of yourself like so?”

You swallow a sob, almost choke on it, but understand Loki’s point.

You nod at Loki who pulls you back into him and rubs your back as your crying slows.

When you’re quiet you realize the position you’ve left Loki in. He still stands at attention, not completely but it’s still there.

“I’m sorry-”

“Stop.” Loki says, gripping your chin so you look at him instead of his cock. “Do not apologize. It is something easily handled.”

You bite your cheek but nod. Loki places a peck on your lips.

“May I get dressed?” He asks, needing to know if you need more comfort, physically, or not.

You nod and crawl off the bed with him, searching for your shirt and bra as he dresses.

When you’re both dressed you stand in front of Loki, your hand gripping your other arm nervously.

“Thank you.” You say.

Loki smiles at you sadly but accepts you when you rush into him. His arm slips over your shoulders naturally.

“Should we get some lunch?” Loki asks as you both walk out to the living room.

“Yes, please.”

“Would you prefer to eat here or?”

You think on it but nod.

“Just us, if that’s ok with you?” You ask Loki who looks down at you with a smile.

“Of course it is.” He tells you making you relax.

Tag List: @justfangirlthingies @emelieh99 @high-functioning-lokipath @loveableasshole @mp0625

Pt. 16.1/Pt.17/?

#loki x reader #astral #astral pt.17 #loki #loki odinson #my writing #lemon #very very lemon #while it was fun to write this stuff for public for the first time #i was frustrated the whole time because there is so much their bodies need to do and you need to specify #i kept going back because it plays like a movie in my head and i write what goes on #but i had to stop and go back and envision it again to make sure it is written correctly and detailed enough #idk why but only some things play as a movie in my head #sometimes i see the words in my head #sometimes it's the movie #it's weird and im not sure what triggers either thought #anyways enjoy

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angelanimedesaray · 4 years

Text

Animal Instincts (Part 2 of The Investment)

AN: yeeeaaahhhh this became a series. Not a super big ambitious one like Through The Looking Glass, but...there’s a few parts. Not sure if I can call it a mini-series, so right now I’ll just say series. Also this is officially a nitty-gritty series compared to some of my other stuff/ideas. I just feel like Vampire stuff should be like that, Y’know??? Also, yes, I’m a monster, believe me, I know, I was thinking that as I wrote some of these scenes...

AN On Character: Before ANYONE can call me out for this...if Levi seems too emotional...In my little Vampire Lore World, emotions are AMPLIFIED for Vampires. Happiness becomes joy, sadness becomes despair, (emotional) pain becomes agony, grief becomes devastation, etc etc.

Characters: Vampire!Levi, Reader, Hange, Erwin (Mentioned), many unnamed background OCs

Pairing: Still not sure if I can be labeling this Levi x Reader, esssspecially for this chapter...

Warnings: Language, Biting, Blood, Violence, Threats of Violence, Gore, Non-Consensual Blood Drinking, Heavy Angst, Bad Bad BAD Decisions. *Spoilery Tag* here comes some serious ‘Hurt Them to Protect Them’ Logic

Word Count: 11037

<---Previous Part Next Part--->

*Levi’s POV*

“You’re having far too much fun poking at me, Four-Eyes.”

“You can’t complain, Levi--you consented!”

“I made the mistake of assuming you’d have some form of restraint considering the situation.”

“Oh, come on, Levi, don’t be like that--don’t you find all this exciting?”

“No.”

“Just think of all we’re learning, though! Isn’t it fun?”

“None of this is my idea of fun.”

“That’s just because you’re too busy sulking to appreciate how fascinating this all is.”

“Tch.”

Levi sat next to Hange’s desk in her cluttered office, idly wiping a stray strand of blood from the fresh cut on his arm as she swiftly moved to study her new blood samples under the microscope. The curtains were drawn in consideration for Levi, the light in the room provided by the kerosene lamp on her desk. It was the morning after Levi had fed, and Hange was wanting to see if she could see any differences in his blood after his hunger had been satisfied. Ever since seeing how his blood had been able to bring Y/N back from the brink of death, Hange had been...rather obsessed. It was impressive how she managed to juggle her excited prodding of Eren as well as her smaller-scale experiments on Levi behind closed doors, though Levi was starting to wonder if she was even sleeping between it all.

“It’s amazing, but so unfair! We know your blood is different, that it has these extraordinary properties, and yet, comparing it with some of my own, there’s no visible difference I can see, even after you’ve fed--it appears to be the same as the sample of normal blood!” Hange said, her voice dipping in frustrated disappointment before swinging back upwards in excitement over and over again as she spoke.

Levi wiped the small smear of blood on his fingers away with his handkerchief and started to roll his sleeve back down. “Nothing about you is normal, Hange,” he deadpanned. “Eight seconds.”

“Oh?” Hange asked, perking up from the microscope to glance at where the minor injury had been, not a trace of blood left behind and smooth skin where the cut had been disappearing under his white sleeve. “That’s faster than last time by...five, six seconds? Does this mean that you heal faster the better fed you are?” Hange mused.

“It’s one theory,” Levi murmured, thinking back to when he’d given Y/N his blood. He had just, just fed off of her, yet the wound on his wrist then had taken a minute or more to heal up. Maybe there was some kind of focus or willpower involved, too. Right now, he didn’t need or want the wound to linger, and it didn’t, while then he’d need and wanted it to.

Just another theory to add to Hange’s growing pile.

Hange turned her attention back to the microscope, trying--most likely in vain--to see some kind of difference in his blood in case her first observation was wrong. “Speaking of feeding…”

“No, Hange,” Levi said in a quick, hard tone before she could continue her leading statement.

“Levi-iii, why not?” she whined. His irritation flared--how many times did he have to tell her no?

“I don’t have control when the hunger takes over like that--it’d be too dangerous. There’s no telling what could happen, and I can’t guarantee your safety.”

“It can’t be any different from poking at titans, which, need I remind you, I did with non-intelligent titans before we started the experiments with Eren.”

“This is different,” Levi said coldly. “Besides. It’s not something you want to see. Not really.”

“Except I do.”

Levi didn’t even bother to answer her this time. He’d already told her no, and since no one knew the Underground as well as him and he now had his inhuman speed, it wasn’t like she could follow him down into the Underground to try and spy on him. He had the final say, and he’d already said no.

Hange grumbled nonsense at his silence, Levi’s sensitive hearing not even able to pick up two words that could be strung together. “You’ve been more...short tempered, recently.”

“I wonder why.”

Hange ignored his sarcastic jab and kept talking.

“With all your senses and abilities being amplified, do you think its possible your personality has been, too? Your emotions?” Hange asked, growing curiosity in her voice as the theory formed.

Levi actually paused to consider it. He was annoyed easier recently. Sometimes he found it hard to get a grip on himself with emotions that went to extremes far faster than normal, or he clamped down so harshly on an impulse or emotion that he didn’t feel anything. He constantly felt like he was trying to do a balancing act blindfolded between the two extremes, trying to get back to his normal. Even he was aware that he wasn’t himself recently--besides the obvious. Though he’d written it off as just dealing with everything that had happened. What if this was going to be his normal if he couldn’t find that balance?

“I’m going to take your thoughtful silence as a yes,” Hange said, already reaching over to scribble down notes. “I feel sorry for the cadets.”

Levi scowled. What, did she think he had no self-control? He wasn’t taking all this craziness out on anyone, and he wasn’t about to start now.

“Don’t you have to go poke at Eren instead of me this morning?” he asked, giving Hange a steady look.

“Yes, but when I’m done, I’ll try to snag you for a few more tests I want to try today.”

“Wonderful…” Levi grumbled, already getting to his feet.

“Before you leave, just a few more questions!”

Levi paused, eyebrows raised, waiting for her to speak only a step away from the door.

“How’s the filtering with your hearing coming? Have you tried anything to help with the overpowering smells? Is the sunlight still bothering you the same way? What about those urges when you’re around people?”

Levi turned and leaned his back against the door, expanding his explanation for Hange’s sake so she could take her notes. “Sunlight’s still irritating. Tolerable, but in short bursts, not long periods. The best I can do for scent is to not breathe through my nose when something’s too strong. I’m getting better at focusing on specific sounds to block out the excess, but if there’s something sudden or sharp it all floods in again.” Levi paused, hesitating to go into details about his bloodlust issues. But Hange and Erwin needed to know what his limits were if they were going to keep others safe from him. They needed to be aware what made him more likely to bite someone. He’d already had a few close calls, and they all knew it. “It’s still...hard, when someone’s bleeding near me, even if I’ve fed recently. But being well fed--blood or regular food--helps...but only so much. When I’m around people, if I can block out their pulse by focusing on something else--even if its just different breaths or a person’s voice--I’ll be just fine. If I don’t, or I get...distracted by the sound of someone’s pulse, that desire returns.”

“Do you think it’s getting easier with time?” Hange asked, her voice soft in consideration with the subject Levi was far more sensitive about.

“No. Not yet, anyway.”

“Do you think you need to eat more?”

Levi shook his head. “No. There’s a difference between the desire and the hunger. And usually I take the first chance I have to slip away when I feel that shift.”

“I’ll see if I can come up with some ideas on what might help. There’s still plenty we don’t know, so maybe we just need to spend a bit more time exploring.”

“Another time,” Levi said flatly, straightening up and turning to leave. He paused with his hand hovering over the doorknob, the sound of a new heartbeat from just on the other side of the door and a familiar scent wafting towards him causing him to stiffen before he turned to face Hange with a hiss. “Did you know she was coming?”

While Erwin had agreed to Levi’s request that Y/N be kept away from Levi as much as possible, Hange had openly disagreed with Levi’s tactic and had even tried to talk him out of it once. It was already hard enough to dodge Y/N daily while the persistent woman kept trying to corner him to make him talk to her. If Hange had started actively taking Y/N’s side and trying to get the two to bump into one another, staying away from her was going to become nearly impossible.

Hange held up her hands defensively. “I’m innocent this time, Levi, I swear.”

He didn’t believe her.

Levi’s teeth ground together as he backed away from the door, a knock sounding a few seconds later. Levi jerked his head towards the door to tell Hange to open it herself, his body taunt as he waited for the brief window he would have. Hange sighed dramatically to show her displeasure at the events around her, as always, but Levi simply ignored it, eyes still on the door.

As soon as the door had opened wide enough for Levi to slip through, he bolted, using his new speed to pass by Y/N with little more than a soft gust of air, maybe the briefest glimpse of Levi inside Hange’s office that would have been brief enough to pass off as a hopeful illusion. He didn’t stop until he reached an empty hall far enough away he couldn’t hear her heartbeat anymore. Once there, he leaned against the wall for a brief moment, eyes closed as he pushed any rising thoughts about her as far down as he could and reoriented himself.

He straightened just in time for another scout to round the corner, subconsciously putting on the façade of favoring his left leg as he continued down the hall. They didn’t have an excuse for why an injury that was supposed to sideline him for months would abruptly be so completely healed, so he had to keep moving around like he was out of commission even though he was even stronger physically than he’d been before. Plus, it gave Hange plenty of time to poke and prod while Levi was still only doing the non-physical half of his duties.

...or plenty of time to try and orchestrate forcing Levi into a situation where he had to talk to Y/N. He’d have to be on guard against Hange’s sneakier methods the more desperate she became to make it happen.

*Reader’s POV*

If anyone could rival you in stubbornness, it was Levi. Once that man settled on something, really put his mind to it and committed, nothing was going to change it except some kind of earth-shaking event. This particular quality of his was becoming more and more apparent with every passing day the Captain went so far out of his way to avoid you.

It had already been blatantly obvious the kind of lengths he was willing to go to try and push you out of his life entirely when, during your recovery, he didn’t even sleep in his office while you were recovering. He’d retreated to another side of the castle entirely, and stubbornly stayed there until his door was fixed and lockable again, and you had recovered and been moved back to where you usually slept. Now, you were lucky to catch glimpses of him from a distance. He started supervising training at different times--specifically ones where you were busy elsewhere--and was in and out of the mess hall for his food either long before you arrived or too quickly to give you a chance to corner him, not that the mess hall was the place to be having the kind of conversation the two of you needed. If you tried to find him in his office, he never answered--somehow he always seemed to know that it was you on the other side of the door, even if someone else did the knocking and talking for you. Once, when you had decided to just walk in, you’d even heard the lock click as your hand touched the doorknob. That one had hurt.

Still, you understood what he was doing. From the moment you’d woken up and had that brief exchange with him, Levi’s intentions had been obvious. Afraid that you would get hurt, Levi was trying to put as much distance between the two of you so nothing similar could happen again.

Had you been hurt? Yes. Had he almost killed you? Definitely. Had you been afraid? Hell yes, even if your surprisingly level-headed approach to the situation had suggested differently. But after waking up bed-ridden with a decently lengthy recovery period ahead of you, you’d had plenty of time to really think about what happened and what you understood of it. Almost being killed by someone wasn’t an easy thing to overcome. When you’d first woken up, you’d admittedly still been in a sort of shock about what had happened, the events hadn’t really sunk in yet. But your recovery had given you the time you needed to struggle, shake, cry a little, and work through it all.

What Levi had done, while terrifying and deadly for you, had been unintentional, and fueled by a hunger he wasn’t used to, a hunger that had probably been amplified by his near-death state and that much harder for him to control. He’d lost all sense of himself, you’d seen it in his eyes the brief moment before he’d bitten into your neck. You couldn’t imagine what he’d felt when he did come back to himself. Hange had said that he’d been desperate, that she’d never seen him the way he was while trying to save your life. And now, seeing the lengths he was going to in order to protect you from himself, seeing how afraid he was that he was going to hurt you again...how could you not be willing to forgive him?

If you could just catch him and get the stubborn, stoic man to talk to you already.

You couldn’t let the conversation be postponed any longer. This was something the two of you needed to talk about, so you could fully forgive him, maybe he could start to forgive himself, and both of you could move forward. It would also be helpful for Levi to get assistance with whatever this was he was going through, but right now you were focused on the basics.

And because you still couldn’t catch Levi, even with a heads up from Hange allowing you to briefly glimpse him in the woman’s office, you were pushed to the drastic and admittedly stupid actions.

You had to catch him when he went to the Underground to feed.

Knowing what was happening to him, it wasn’t hard to piece together how he’d been feeding recently when no cases of dead bodies drained of blood popped up within the walls on the surface or among the Scouts. You also knew he wasn’t feeding on any willing participants yet--he was afraid of losing control, and with the three people who were aware of his situation being people he didn’t want to accidentally kill, he wouldn’t be drinking from anyone in the Scouts. Where would he go if he was looking for people who would disappear without causing ripples if he lost control? The Underground, as depressing as the truth of it was.

Except he had started to catch attention. Not directly, obviously, but rumors were starting to bubble, rumors about a shadowy figure that snatched the filth of the Underground into the darkness and left mangled bloodless corpses behind as the only evidence it had ever been there. Only a couple bodies had been found, but if Levi had to feed as frequently as his nightly excursions suggested, there were more.

You’d been keeping an eye out for him nightly, trying to figure out his feeding pattern since you’d been driven to this point, which was how you knew. It was how you were able to figure out the rough window of when he’d need to feed again, how you were able to catch sight of him slipping out of Headquarters when everyone should have been asleep, and how you knew where you needed to go in order to follow him into the depths of the Underground.

Though you weren’t entirely sure if it could necessarily be called following. With his speed, Levi was impossible to keep in sight. You knew which entrance to the Underground he used, and you could rationalize that he would be looking for unsavory elements in the back alleys of the Underground, but that was all you had to go off of. You’d have to hope that you could find Levi down there, in a place he knew far better than you, in the short span of time it took him to find someone, feed, and then return to headquarters. If you missed him completely, you’d be stuck wandering the Underground until morning or later, considering there wouldn’t be any sun to tell you morning had broke.

But this was the only option you had left. It wasn’t your best idea, and you found yourself jumping at shadows as you plunged deeper and deeper below ground, but you had to try.

He wasn’t going to do it, so you had to try.

You had to resist the urge to cover your nose with your hand in a feeble attempt to block out the smell as you started weaving your way through the dark streets of the Underground. You couldn’t imagine how Levi tolerated it even if he had lived down here once, considering his enhanced senses.

Feeling eyes on you, you shook off the idle thoughts, reminding yourself this was the worst place inside the walls to be alone, even with military training, and you clearly stood out down here. You couldn’t afford to get lost in thoughts right now, especially since you knew Levi was prowling through these dark streets somewhere looking for someone to feed on.

Even though you hadn’t thought it could, the further into the winding, dark back streets, the worse the conditions were. Abandoned houses rotted away, and the occasional body was shoved aside off the main path so people could keep walking. Occasionally something would move in the dark, and you could see dim eyes watching you from huddled masses curled up next to walls or trash heaps for some form of shelter. You did your best not to disturb them, stepping carefully and trying to keep pity from rising into your expression. You were here for one person right now, and you were on a time limit. There wasn’t time to spend feeling bad for locals you couldn’t help.

It was while you were stepping around one of these locals that you hadn’t seen curled up at the corner because they’d been so indistinguishable from the trash pile they’d been sleeping in that you momentarily lost sense of your larger surroundings a moment too long. Taking care to step around the corner and not on the person you’d almost tripped over, you initially missed the sight of a group of five men that had almost reached the neck of the alley you were stepping into. Registering movement in your peripherals, your head snapped up to take in the sight of the small group of large men, body tensing at the light you saw spark in their eyes when you saw each other.

Your first thought was not to go down that alley, then it was to not turn your back on them. It was a T intersection, though. You couldn’t turn around because there was too much ground to cover still, and you didn’t really want to make some kind of awkward shimmy down the alley in the same direction they seemed to be heading.

You didn’t get much time to think about it. They were too close for comfort, so you turned and continued down the alley, your steps faster, body tensed and limbs ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice. You could feel them behind you, heard the whistles and jeers about a pretty little surfacer wandering into the slums.

This wasn’t going to end well. Especially if you took a wrong turn into a dead end like you were in some kind of cliché horror story.

You turned your head just enough to get a look at them, noting with unease that the fifth seemed to have broken away from the group. No doubt to try and cut you off--you weren’t stupid, and you were in the Scouts, of course you’d be able to figure out that much.

Best not to keep going in a straight line down the alley, then. Maybe, if you were lucky, you could lose them in the winding back alleys. They might have the home field advantage, but at least you wouldn’t make it easy for them if they did manage to corner you between the five of them.

The next time you saw a narrow alley on your right, you took a sudden, sharp turn, breaking into a run as soon as you were out of the immediate sight of the group. You heard them holler behind you just past the halfway point in the alley, the four also breaking into a run a few seconds before you made another right turn, a left, straight, another left, a right…

Maybe you should try to double back and get back to the surface. You’d stumbled into trouble, you were going to have to spend time shaking them, most likely Levi would have fed and would be leaving by the time you managed to go back to searching for him again. It was best to cut your losses and head back above ground, try to corner him again another time, another way. This hadn’t been a smart idea from the beginning, but now it was much, much worse.

You could hear that group still pursuing you, more spread out now as they used their numbers to their advantage, just as you’d expected them to. And it seemed they’d sent the fastest ahead to try and cut you off, because as you turned the corner for another right turn, you could see one of them pop out of an alley a few ahead of you, already heading for you as you bolted into another side alley.

They were getting too close for comfort. And this one was staying on your ass like an abnormal in an open field.

Halfway down an annoyingly long and slightly wider alley, that one man still on your tail, a second appeared at the other end of the alley. He grinned when he saw you running straight for him, ripping one of the boards off the window of the abandoned house in the alley and holding it like a club.

You didn’t slow down, already taking in his form, mind going through the many disarming motions you’d been taught, some by Levi himself after you’d shown some promise in training. The smile diminished when you didn’t falter, but the second man stood his ground, waiting for you to get within reach.

You were waiting for the same moment.

As he pulled back to swing, you shifted to the side, grabbing at his arm with a pull, a twist upwards, a knee into his gut before you came down on his leg, shoving him aside with your upper body to send him staggering into the wall with a pained cry. His board clattered to the ground as the one who had been right behind you suddenly tackled you to the ground, your knees coming up to your chest in the fall so you could push him up and over your head once your back hit the stone. You all got back to your feet at roughly the same time, the two now between you and the mouth of the alley, and you knew there had to be about three somewhere behind you, so you needed to go forward, through these two assholes.

You put your hands up and fell into an at-the-ready stance.

Back to training, then.

You could practically feel Levi’s eyes on you on the training field, one of the only recruits who didn’t say a word of complaint about being taught to handle armed opponents even past basic training, when the Scouts were supposed to be fighting Titans, not humans. You took it seriously, actually put in the effort, actively listened to instructions and critiques, and didn’t utter a word of complaint.

Why the hell would you complain about being taught to protect yourself?

Now it seemed it was a good thing that had been the attitude you’d approached those lessons with, because you were going to need them.

One of them threw themselves at you with a shout and you side-stepped, pushing him past you with the help of his own momentum so you could focus on the guy who was trying to bring a fist down on your head, you leaned back just out of its path, stepped forward with your left, and brought your own fist in for a quick overhand punch with your right that connected with the man’s jaw. The first came in from behind you again, an arm slipping around your neck--you’d thought you had another few seconds before you’d have to face him again, hoping he’d fallen on his face. You leaned forward as much as you could and dropping one shoulder, sending the slim runner over your shoulder with his momentum to grab you from behind, stepping back and to the side with your other foot as he tumbled over you. Your arms came back up just in time to block another punch from the other guy with your arm, your other hand flashing out to nail him in the nose with enough force to hear a satisfying crack before you jumped back.

Another ripping sound similar to when the bigger guy of the two you were facing had ripped off a board came from the end of the alley you had entered behind you, and you turned long enough to see a third guy pulling off a smaller board with a little more effort.

Three on one in a back alley, now. You needed to get out of here, fast, before the rest could catch up.

Not wanting someone behind you again, you shifted, standing at the ready with your back to the wall between the two on the one end and the one on the other, coiled and ready to see who would come at you first. The one with the board charged you, prompting you to turn enough to face him, eyeing the board that was held high and swinging towards you as he came within range.

You caught the board, cutting your thumb open on a jagged edge in the process but keeping your grip firm as the force caused your arms to fold against your chest. With the man now within range, you pulled back just enough to give yourself enough room to kick him in the stomach, giving a push against the board at the same time to make sure he was send backwards. Knowing the other two would be trying to grab you from behind, you turned swiftly, bending your arm and swinging around sharply with your elbow connecting with whichever one had reached you first. You didn’t get the chance to see who it was before a shot suddenly rang out, shocking you enough you hesitated and were grabbed by the arm by the larger of your original two opponents.

Looking towards the other side of the alley you could see the other two members of the group had caught up, with one handing the still-smoking one shot pistol to the other, who was also giving him a second you were sure was already loaded and ready. It was probably safe to assume the one who had fired a shot into the air was the leader, and he was now approaching slowly, the other man hanging back to reload the little pistol.

What the hell kind of a job and black market deal did these guys have to pull off to get their hands on two pistols?

You tried to twist out of the hold on your arm, but even in the dark of the alley you could see the glint of the loaded pistol well enough to tell you it was leveled directly at your head, making you still. Another one of your original three attackers grabbed your other arm, the large man kicking the back of your leg to force you into a kneeling position.

“You’re quite the scrapper, aren’t you? Almost more trouble than you’re worth,” the leader mused, coming to stand directly in front of you. You tensed, pulling against the firm hands that held your arms and shoulders to force you into your kneeling position. As you struggled, the leader brought the barrel of the gun to hover directly and unmistakably in front of your face, causing you to still again. “I don’t like wasting bullets, so if you don’t want to die messy, I suggest you stay still in case I decide to just shoot you.”

“Boss, the whole point of chasing her down was to have a little fun with her!” the one who’d managed to stay on your ass during the chase complained. He sounded winded.

“At first, but after seeing all that? She might be able to overpower us if we keep her alive. You want to risk her breaking free long enough to kill you, idiot?” When no one made another complaint, the leader pressed the barrel of the gun against your forehead. “Such a waste, too. Sorry, Swee--”

Hands wrapped around the leader’s throat and one of his shoulders, so suddenly you weren’t sure you’d really seen it. However, the fact that he was suddenly yanked into the shadows without a warning let you know you had seen them. There was a visceral snapping sound a split second after the man had been grabbed, and before anyone could react, he was spat back out of the shadows as swiftly as they’d claimed him, thrown to the ground within sight of everyone, his neck snapped and body crumpled like a fallen handkerchief.

A feral snarl sounded from the darkness, and chaos erupted all around you.

*Levi’s POV*

Levi’s fingers threaded through the hair of tonight’s prey in a relentless grip, pressing their head down and into the ground while his other hand pulled their shoulder aside, leaving their neck stretched and exposed for him to sink his teeth into with little resistance. They had stopped struggling long ago, the kicks and futile punches and pushed now absent, the trembling beneath him slowing to a complete stop. He was able to drink deeply and undisturbed, hidden in the dark shadows of a dead end alley, the only sounds the occasional soft hum of pleasure and the sound of his teeth sinking deeper into flesh as he drank. He focused on the sounds to drown out the rest of the Underworld, the pulse he'd originally listened to long gone.

He was starting to consciously enjoy it when he fed...and even picking the scum of the Underground to prey on, he wasn't sure how he felt about that.

A loud sharp, familiar sound broke through Levi's filter, causing him to jerk back, head looking up towards the ceiling and tilted in the direction he'd heard the gunshot. A rush of sounds and smells suddenly rushed towards him again now that he'd been abruptly jostled out of his feed, overwhelming him while he wiped some of the blood from his face and tried to sort through the sensory mess once more and find the source of a gunshot, head pounding. The only people who were going to have guns down here were military and a lucky criminal who'd scored rather big--not ODM gear big, but still.

As he was trying to filter out the sound, the faintest whiff of a strong, familiar scent reached him. After being bathed in it the night he'd transformed, he would never mistake that scent for anything else. Y/N's blood. And it had to have been spilled if he was able to smell her through the stench of the Underground.

What the hell was she doing down here?

Focusing on that scent and trying to hear what was near her at the same time, Levi slowly rose to his feet, eyes closed as he focused. He could smell gunpowder in the air as well, could hear a concentration of heartbeats, most pounding from exertion, but one that possessed the familiar scent pounding faster from exertion and fear. Then came the distant voices.

"...don’t want to die messy, I suggest you stay still in case I decide to just shoot you."

Dammit.

Levi was moving before he could finish putting together what was happening, focused on closing the distance between where he'd been and where Y/N was in danger before another gunshot could be fired. The man who’d fired the shot was still talking with someone, making it easier for Levi to narrow down where they were. He stayed in the shadows even with his speed, making sure that he kept the element of surprise so that he could be sure to kill whoever had the gun first, before they had the chance to shoot again.

He could smell her blood, too. Did that mean she’d already been shot? How bad was her wound? If he got too close, could he resist?

He’d worry about that when he got there.

As soon as the scene of five men gathered around Y/N came into view, with one of them pressing the barrel of a pistol against her forehead, Levi’s blood boiled into a blind rage. The shadows around him blurred as he rushed forward, grabbing the man with the gun and pulling him into the shadows. He noticed there was a second man reloading the pistol that must have made the first shot, so he made his kill quick, snapping the man’s neck and pushing the body away without a second thought. The other armed man wildly swung around with the gun when he saw the dead body, a snarl ripping past Levi’s lips as he barreled into the armed man, sending him flying and colliding with the wall of once of the buildings he heard bones snapping as he was sent through the wall. Instincts taking over, including his newly acquired, monstrous ones, Levi went after one of the two men restraining Y/N next, moving too fast for the group of five to have even hope to react in defense.

Pulling the large man into the shadows and away from Y/N, effectively breaking his grip on her, Levi sank his teeth into the man’s neck, blood flowing free and unrestrained as he tore into the man’s throat with the intent to kill. He was able to drink quite a bit in the process, only because he didn’t let go until the man’s pulse started to stutter beneath his lips and he was sure the blood loss alone would kill him.

Looking at the two remaining, Y/N had taken the chance with their stunned state and the fact she only had one person holding onto her now to attack the other man restraining her. She didn’t look hurt in the slightest as she pulled her restrainer towards her and kneed him in the gut, but he could still smell the blood she’d spilled at some point.

At the moment, however, his attention was drawn to the second still standing man who was now trying to attack Y/N from behind while she was busy with her restrainer. Levi rushed the second man as well, not bothering to hide in the shadows now as he ripped into the slender man’s throat just as he’d done to Y/N’s other restrainer, waiting until the pulse stuttered and the blood loss turned fatal before he dropped the body to the ground and turned to face the last man.

Y/N had knocked him to the ground by now, the man staring in horror at Levi. He must have been quite the sight. When he’d fed before this mess, he’d only had blood on his face, neck, and around his collar, since he was gradually improving with how messy he was when he fed. Now, however, after ripping out two throats, the blood stained his front as well. His eyes glowed a vivid crimson and pierced through the dark of the alley, fangs flashing as he licked away a thicker trail of blood while he approached the last man. Levi grabbed the man by the front of his shirt, picking him up with ease and pinning him against the wall.

“Demon--” the man hardly managed to squeak out. Something in Levi burned at the accusation, his grip on the man’s shirt tightening.

No witnesses, no loose ends. Unless he wanted his situation public legend or knowledge, depending on how much people were willing to believe.

Without a word, Levi sank his teeth into the man’s throat, covering the man’s mouth with his hand to muffle the screams even though they didn’t last long. As he drank and the pulse below his lips eventually slowed to a stop, Levi listened and thought about what he would do next.

The only other sounds in the alley came from behind him, from Y/N. She hadn’t moved, was hardly breathing, her heartbeat wild from adrenaline and a sense of fear, and it only seemed to be beating faster as she watched him drain the life from her last attacker.

What the hell had possessed her to make her think that following Levi into the Underground when he came here to feed was a good idea? The Underground was already dangerous, especially at night, especially with something like him lurking in the darkness looking for a meal. Her foolhardy determination to blow past his insistence they not be anywhere near one another was going to get her killed--it nearly had.

Levi felt his blood chill, even if he was still drinking in fresh warm blood. What would happen next? How many more reckless ideas would she get, how much farther was she going to push? Was she really willing to push her luck until she died while he was trying to keep her safe from him? What did he have to do to make her back off, for her to realize how serious this was, that she couldn’t be anywhere near him, that she couldn’t follow after him like this? Did he have to scare her off? At this rate, it was the only thing he could think of that might actually work. But how far was he willing to go to scare her enough to protect her? At the moment, she already had some fear lingering in her. If he didn’t wait too long, he could work with it; there might be a chance that he wouldn’t have to do too much if she was already afraid. He just had to scare her a little one time to make her leave him alone.

He was a little dizzy at the moment, feeling almost drunk on the sheer volume of blood he’d just consumed in such a short span of time. He could muscle through it, though. Ride the high just long enough to do what he had to.

Steeling his resolve, Levi released the now limp body in his arms, rushing Y/N and pinning her against the wall with a hand around her throat. His fangs were bared, eyes still glowing crimson, fresh blood still smeared across his face and front as he snarled. His thumb was placed strategically on her pulse point, able to feel as her heartbeat doubled its speed. He was trying to subtly watch her reaction to know when he’d done enough, his thumb tracing lightly along the vein on her neck, but not biting yet. She was tense, holding her breath, heartbeat racing wildly, and yet...after the first few seconds…

She let out a slow, shaking breath, her heartbeat starting to gradually and slightly calm down.

“You’re just trying to scare me. It’s not going to work, Levi.”

He didn’t answer. Instead, he let his fingers tilt her neck to the side, well aware that he was pushing his limits, playing a dangerous game in his attempt to convince her that if she didn’t stay away from him, he’d kill her. His lips brushed against her neck, his fangs feeling like they were aching in desperation to sink into her neck. He could remember what she tasted like--he hadn’t had anything better, since. Only the scum of the Underground that left a chemically, filthy aftertaste in his mouth. But her…

He struggled against those thoughts, willing himself not to give into them. He didn’t want to bite her, not really. He just wanted to scare her.

They were both perfectly still, neither of them even breathing loudly or heavily, just tense, each waiting for the other to make a move. What was she thinking? Was she trying to call his bluff? Did she believe he wouldn’t bite her? Was she thinking of last time she’d bet on his restraint, how it had been thrown back in her face when he almost killed her? Was she trying to figure out how far he’d go to make her stay away? Was she trying to decide if he would really bite her again to make her run?

He was wondering the same thing. He’d pretty much sworn that he wouldn’t bite her again for any reason, and yet, he found himself in a position where a warning bite seemed like an option, just enough to make her realize he was serious, just enough to scare her off...but he didn’t trust his control once he started drinking from her. Especially now, smelling the heady aroma of her blood again, so much better than what he’d been feeding on down here in the Underground for a while now. But did the risk really outweigh the possible result? He had just drained four fairly big men of their blood, maybe he’d had enough it wouldn’t be too hard to stop...maybe. Did he really want to take that risk, to hurt her once again even if it was only a little, for the chance he might finally make her run away from him instead of towards him, so she’d be safe?

He waited a moment too long. Without warning, Y/N suddenly pushed him back, and Levi gave easily against the action, backing away a few steps and looking away. He had hardly put any of his strength into the motion, only meaning to scare, not harm her, wanting her to be able to push him away and bolt when he finally scared her enough to make her run. Clearly, she’d seen right through his actions and to his true intention.

His fangs retracted, the crimson in his eyes fading to a simple red glint, and he was suddenly quite conscious of the fact that he was covered in blood. Knowing it wouldn’t do him much good but wanting to make the attempt anyway, he tried wiping some of the blood from his face, refusing to look at Y/N as he did so.

He could run, but it wouldn’t do him any good. This talk was apparently inevitable, even if he deemed it inconsequential, pointless. She wasn’t going to change his mind. He’d already decided to cut her out--it was better for both of them if he did, rather than drag her down any further into this...mess.

“If you’re thinking of making a run for it, don’t,” she warned, as if she could read him as easily as a book. The fact he chose to look down the dark alley instead of at her probably gave the idle thought he’d had away.

“Why the hell are you down here?” he growled instead of addressing her accusation.

“It’s your fault I am! How else was I supposed to try and catch you to talk with you running from me like a kid instead of a grown ass man--”

“I’m not running from you, I told you to stay away from me from the start. You’re the one who apparently didn’t get the message,” Levi returned in a low tone.

“Oh, I heard you, I just chose to ignore it because you’re being--”

“If you end that sentence with what I think you’re about to--”

“What? What are you going to do, Levi? Just because you don’t like hearing what I have to say, because you know its true?”

Anger was bubbling up inside him with rapidly multiplying strength. He was trying to push it down, to clamp down on it for both their sakes, but it was a struggle he was losing the longer this argument went on. He could tell she was frustrated even though he still hadn’t looked at her, that she was hurt, that it was bubbling up as well and that was why she was so aggressive at the moment, but he didn’t care. Every word she threw at him, no matter how cutting, only stoked that anger right now.

“--damn it, Levi, look at me, will you?”

She flinched back from the anger in his eyes when he finally met her gaze, the red glint in his eyes growing stronger. He took the chance to throw in a few sharp words of his own.

“You’re the one acting worse than a child. At least a child’s ignorant when they stick their hand in the fire. You’re the dumbass that tries to jump feet first to see if its hot no matter how many times you’ve been burned before. A fucking incompetant idiot with a death wish is what you are!”

He’d never called her incompetant or incapable in any way before. Before all this happened, she hadn’t been, he hadn’t been worried about her being able to handle herself, hadn’t thought that it would be a stupid decision or a hasty, rash action that got her killed. Now, he was afraid her pigheadedness was going to lead to her getting killed because of him, directly or, after tonight, indirectly.

That was the other emotion swirling inside him under all the anger. Fear.

She stuck out her chin in defiance, though he saw a flash of pain in her eyes at his words that were spoken with a harsh tone that let her know it wasn’t just his gruff exterior talking. “Trying to shove me out isn’t going to work when I know that’s what you’re doing, Levi.”

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Levi snapped. “What part of ‘stay away from me or you’ll get hurt again’ did you not understand? What about me almost killing you the other night didn’t get through your head and trigger some common sense? How could you not understand the words I will kill you? I don’t want you anywhere near me, Y/N--”

“I already have been hurt, Levi! I’m already a part of this, and I want to help, what part of that don’t you understand?”

“The part where you suddenly became so intent to fucking die!” he snarled.

Even more infuriatingly, she ignored that exclamation and tried to switch to her version of cold facts. “You’re still not in control,” she said flatly, and Levi turned his back on her, already starting to walk away. She simply followed, still talking. “You’re not! You’re coming down here and ripping people to shreds, past recognition. You still don’t know how to control your bloodlust when you feed! What happens when someone gets wounded on an expedition and they’re bleeding all over the place in front of you? What happens if for some reason you lose control and you bite the wrong person? What are you going to do, Levi? Can you say that you’re going to stop, really? With the bodies you’ve been leaving that’s already getting you a shadowy reputation below and above ground? No!”

“None of this has anything to do with you. It’s not about you, its not effecting you, its not your problem, Y/N. You’re just desperately trying to insert yourself to feel important,” he spat out. He didn’t believe the last part, but he just wanted her to go away, to leave him alone like he’d asked. His hands were clenched into fists to hide the tremble, teeth clenched--

“I’m trying to help you because I want to. Its not that hard to understand, Levi. You need help, like it or not. You can’t keep attracting attention by feeding like this. You need to find someone who’s willing so you don’t have to keep feeding like this and to help you learn control, and you already know I--”

He blocked her out after that. Stopping in the middle of his angry prowl through the dark alleys, body rigid, hands flexing in and out of fists. His mind called back the intoxicating nature of her blood, how easy it had been to lose himself, the blood all over himself and the bed and drained from her body, how close she came to dying before a wild guess and a futile prayer managed to be just enough to bring her back from the brink. She wanted that to happen again? To offer her blood just for him to lose himself and drain her dry? He couldn’t remember how she’d struggled or plead with him because it was a euphoric haze in his mind, but he’d felt his prey down here struggle for their lives, heard them plead before he cut off or muffled their cries. His stomach lurched, threatening to send him forwards as his mind fabricated the vivid image of Y/N struggling in his grasp and gasping for him to stop as he drained her dry, too far gone to even flinch in reaction to her dying moments. He wouldn’t let it happen. He wouldn’t. He refused, and no matter what he had to do, he wasn’t going to let it become reality, he wasn’t going to set up her pointless death by giving in. He had to make her run from him now and never look back, had to make her see that he could and would hurt her--kill her--if she kept going down this path. Now. While he was still so gorged on blood he could stop himself out of raw satisfaction with all he’d drank.

“You’re so desperate for me to feed off of you again,” he said in a steady tone, interrupting whatever she’d been saying after he’d blocked her out. “Fine.”

Once more, Levi pinned her against the wall. Except this time he wasn’t gentle about it, and this time his grip didn’t give her even a hair’s breath of space to move. His hand was firmly on her throat and angling her head upwards, the crimson in his eyes blazing once again with enough infuriated intensity he could see the glint of their glow reflected in her wide eyes.

“Let me remind you what you’re in for.”

Before he could second guess, before doubts could encroach, before he even had the chance to weigh the consequences, Levi bit down on her collar. Hard. She cried out in pain, the sound cut off when he squeezed her throat just enough to make her quiet. The blood didn’t come nearly as easily as it would have if he’d bitten her neck, but that was part of the reason he’d bitten here instead. Still, even after drinking from four people minutes ago, her blood tasted divine compared to the blood he’d been drinking in the Underground, the euphoria from last time starting to return.

Without the need for blood, Levi’s struggle to ignore the euphoria was a little easier, and no matter how much it hurt, Levi focused on every other part of Y/N to try and stave off the haze long enough.

She was trying to push him off--not that it was doing anything to stop him. He could feel her pulse rapidly picking up pace, his grip almost bruising and keeping her firmly pinned against the wall. She kept telling him to stop, to get off, called his name. He heard every word. It cut like shards of glass burrowing into his heart and lungs, blood still flowing past his lips with his teeth sinking relentlessly into her flesh. He didn’t stop.

The commands turned to pleas. The shoves turned to blows that wouldn’t even bruise him. He kept her pinned against the wall, eyes burning but closed, teeth embedded in her collar, his grip tight both to hold her in place but also because of the coiling tension inside him listening to her plead with him to let her go. He still didn’t stop.

Then he tasted it. Felt it in her pulse and her posture, in the hot tears that fell on his face and neck. Heard it in her voice. True fear. Normally, in a twisted way, it made blood taste better, somehow richer. Now, it was almost acidic, leaving a nasty aftertaste as Levi finally, instantly let her go. The abrupt motion made her crumple to the ground with a sob…

But by the time she’d have enough cognitive thought to look up, he would already be gone. As soon as he let her go he walked away. He didn’t have a destination in mind, didn’t pick a direction to head to eventually get back to the surface. He simply walked, wiping the blood from his face again with trembling hands, eyes unseeing the paths he followed even if he was subconsciously using his other senses to guide him away from anyone who was still out in the streets this late at night. It was like he was in a daze, walking without thinking, without seeing, without any sense of direction. The longer he didn’t think, the better, because if he started thinking again, if he thought about it, if he thought, if he…

Where was he even going? Where was he now? He was alone, at least...completely.

His body shuddered, as if in anticipation as the daze started to pass, some part of him getting him to whisper a soft ‘shit’ before the thoughts started to rush towards him. He tried to stave them off a few moments longer.

I had to do it.

I had to.

I had to, for her sake.

For her sake, I...

He kept trying to repeat the thought enough to convince himself. His hand reached out to steady himself against the nearest wall. His shaking hands clenched into fists.

I had to do it, I had to, I had to.

His face was wet. Not just with blood--he could see pinkish drops of hot tears escape from the tip of his nose and the edge of his jaw and chin. His teeth ground painfully together, jaw feeling like it would snap from the pressure as he leaned against the wall his fist had been pressed against, feeling his shoulder start to slowly slide downwards in halting bursts.

I...I had...

It felt like someone had gutted him. Now, as he started to come out of his haze, he felt hollow, as if an amature had gutted him with a dull blade and simply took everything. Everything except a suddenly overwhelming self-hatred that pierced and burned through him from the inside out, causing short gasps to burst past his lips despite the instinctual effort to keep it all in.

I made the wrong choice.

He shouldn’t have done it, but he did. He’d really sunk this low, and he hated himself all the more because of it. He should never have let himself make that choice. He knew it was wrong, that was why it had gutted him even as he’d done it, he knew, but he did it anyway.

Why? Why?

Am I really that desperate?

If I’m really this desperate, was she really wr--

No.

No...no, he’d made his choice. It was done, it was over. He’d knowingly hurt her to make her afraid of him, to make her leave, and she wasn’t ever going to look at him the same way again. Just like he’d wanted so desperately to do in the moment.

The damage was done.

He had to accept it.

He had to live with it now, no matter how much it hurt him.

He’d done it to himself.

He’d done it to them.

And he couldn’t take it back.

It was far too late for that.

*Reader’s POV*

Nights had become a ritual of terror for you.

Every night, without fail, this very thing happened.

The lights were out, like they were supposed to be, so there wasn’t a fire, so occupants could sleep, because it was night. Yet you stood frozen in place in the dark, the heat of the lamp dissipating the longer you stood frozen in place, staring into the darkness around you. It was your room, but it felt like something sinister was watching you in the shadows. And as soon as that thought crossed your mind, they were there. Vivid and crimson, glowing from the shadows, freezing you in place as the demonic eyes pierced fear straight to your core. Your chest tightened, breaths coming in shallow, painful bursts as your gaze locked with them.

You knew, logically, they weren’t there, but that didn’t change the fact that you saw them, didn’t change the sweat that dampened your skin, the chill that wouldn’t leave you, the struggle to breath, the inability to move, the unbridled fear they caused.

Lighting lamps to try and cast out the darkness for a little while was the obvious first choice, but it only made things worse. They couldn’t light every corner, the dim light making the shadows longer and the darkness more prominent where the light couldn’t reach it. Every time you let one of those shadowy corners slip into your peripherals it looked like there was someone right behind you, looming to attack. And the lamps couldn’t stay on all night.

The only thing left was to blow out the lights so a fire couldn’t start, hiding under the covers like some frightened child before the fear could paralyze you. The blanket was pulled over your head, your trembling yet rigidly tense body curled into a fetal position with your eyes squeezed shut. Your mind relentlessly conjured up the image of fangs flashing towards you, those red eyes burning as they grew closer and closer to where you were huddled helplessly under a sheet in complete darkness.

But opening your eyes was worse. Opening your eyes you’d have to face the darkness, and your mind whispered that once you opened them, your nightmares would be real, that you’d see the dark figure with the red eyes and the bloody fangs right in front of you, and as soon as you saw them, they’d attack. With your eyes closed you could feel them there, but they still hadn’t touched you. If you opened your eyes, it was over. You couldn’t stand staring at the open dark of your room, without knowing what was hiding within.

And this wasn’t just your nightly ritual. Even in the day you saw the eyes in your peripherals, in the shadowy places, glimpsed in passing and making you jump at shadows.

And if you did manage to fall asleep at night...the nightmares came. Nightmares where you could feel it all again, could see just those damn crimson eyes, could feel the teeth sinking repeatedly into your flesh until you woke with strangled screams and muffled sobs, futility struggling to recover some sense of composure.

What made it worse was you didn’t have the comfort of being told it was just a dream, just your mind playing tricks on you, that none of it was real.

Your nightmares had already been real once. Who was to say they wouldn’t become real again?

*Levi’s POV*

Headquarters was perfectly quiet. The only sound was the occasional snore, soft, steady heartbeats, and breathing of most people in the building fast asleep. The sounds he made in the kitchen as he went about making a cup of tea seemed loud in comparison, even if he knew for a fact that he was the only one who could hear them.

His insomnia had been relentless for days now, only able to catch snippets of uneasy rest in bursts that didn’t even amount to an hour on their own. It was why he was down here now, water starting to bubble in a kettle, the mixture for a chamomile tea at the ready. If he didn’t find a way to sleep, soon, he’d have to ask Hange to help him--he was that desperate for a solution.

Not that she would want to help him.

Hange opened and shut the door with a resounding slam that made cadets in the hall freeze as she stormed into Levi’s office, glasses propped atop her head to clearly display the unbridled anger in her eyes. ”What the hell did you do?”

He knew why he couldn’t sleep, but he didn’t know what else to do.

“I treated the bite, Levi. I know what happened.”

Once he heard the water bubbling in the kettle, Levi went about slowly pouring the water into his cup, eyes unfocused as his thoughts came back to plague him in the silence of the kitchen.

”She followed me into the Underground, Hange. I just gave her a scare so she would finally stay away like I told her to.”

“Oh, you did more than that.”

“...What are you talking about?”

“Shit,” he cursed, yanking his hand back as he spilled some of the hot water onto his hand, setting the kettle down a little too roughly, trying to clean up the mess and ignore the burning in his hand.

“Have you seen Y/N lately?”

“No, and I don’t expect to, if she finally listened.”

“Keep up that attitude, Levi, and I’ll skewer you; I know you’ll heal. You went too far, Levi.”

He’d been picking up the too-full tea cup, and as Hange’s words from the memory pierced him far deeper with his recently acquired knowledge, his grip tightened, and the cup shattered under his hand. Flesh burning from the hot tea, herbs smearing against the now fresh wounds in his hands, crimson blending into the only temporarily yellowish orange liquid as the blood spilled down his hands, and bits of the cup stuck in his hand, while the rest lay shattered on the floor.

”She forgave you for the first one, and for good reason. But this?”

--Late at night, just beyond the stone of the wall, behind two simple wooden doors, Levi could hear the only other occupant in the castle that was awake right now. Her heartbeat was erratic with unbridled terror and emotional pain. It had been her strangled scream that only Levi could hear that had pierced the quiet of Headquarters, the scream now reduced to muffled, body wracking sobs into a pillow or a blanket.--

Levi kneeled down in front of his mess, still-injured hands reaching out to try to pick up the shattered cup, to gather up the broken pieces, to clean up his mess. He kept cutting his hands again, though. He didn’t know how, he knew how to be careful, knew how to be gentle so he didn’t cut himself, didn’t break anything further. But right now, he kept drawing more blood, kept inflicting fresh wounds on his hands and watching the small ones heal almost too fast to even notice they were there while the garish pieces sticking out of his hand and openly bleeding still showed, glaring at him in the dim lighting.

”Erwin’s already mentioned he might have to dismiss her as unfit for duty. We both know she didn’t have anything else besides the Scouts before, and now...”

The damn cup was broken. He didn’t even know why he was trying to recover each little piece, like he was actually going to try and reassemble it, like he could somehow fix it. The cup was broken and he couldn’t fix it.

It’s broken, and he can’t fix it.

Broken, and he can’t fix it.

Broken, and can’t fix it.

Broken…

Broken...

”Levi, stop, please!”

--He was alone in the hall. His lips were parted, but no sound came out, eyes half lidded, but glinting bright and wet in the moonlight with unrestrained pain, head leaning back against the stone with his chin tilted upwards towards the sky. The sobs continued through the stone behind him, and he let out a slow, shaking breath before he slowly pushed away from the wall--

“Fuck!” Levi suddenly shouted, hand slamming against the mess in front of him, hand slicing open even further as more shards of the cup found its way into his hand or shattered even further from the force of the blow. Blood dripped steadily onto his mess, painting everything that same, garish color, staining everything he touched.

He grabbed at the wrist of his injured hand, only then realizing his hands had been shaking the entire time.

”Levi, please!”

--he ducked his head low and tried not to hear the sobs that were already resounding mercilessly in his head, blending into the darkness with ease while his hand trailed absently along the stone as he walked away.

Next Part--->

Levi Tags: @humanitys-hottestsoldier @clary-quinn @sunny-flo

Investment Series Tags: @regalillegal @cecldcecld

Vampire Levi Tags: @mysteriousmagicx @thesilencebeforeastorm @super-peace-fangirl @psychiccvampire

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