#the first time i met her outside of lessons she came up to me while i was reading frankenstein and she asked me what i was reading

[bincliff]

.

[missadangel]

Little Bird in a Cage

Part 1: Operation Little Bird

---------------------------- All episodes here ------------------------

(Javier Peña x reader)

In this story, the reader is the daughter of the Colombian Defense Minister from Narcos season 3 and DEA agent Javier Peña has to kidnap her to protect her.

Rating: Mature, 18+

Word Count: 54,191 in total.

Warnings: falling in love, rough sex, smut, sex, mention about sex workers, cursing, alcohol, kidnapping, violence, gun violence, drugs, narcos, Cali cartels, unplanned pregnancy, fluffy, mention about pregnancy, bathtub sex, age gap (10-15 years)

Summary:  When I was writing this story, I wondered what it would be like to be kidnapped by Javier Peña. i wish lol

Notes:  English is not my native language so bear with me. hit me in comments if you like it so i can keep sharing. Enjoy!

Gif by azerytrobaz - reddit

-Prologue-

The night you turned 22 you met incredibly charming and mysterious man, and the first time you saw him your heart skipped a beat. Immediately the question came to your mind,

What if he’s the one?

That was your first mistake…

You will soon realized that he was Javier Peña,  former DEA agent - yes, former, because your father played a big role in getting him discharged - who has been sneaking up on you because of all the shit your father had done and was going to kidnap you to teach him a lesson. So that was the plan, at least for now.

From Javier's point of view, it wasn't the first time he'd seen you. He's been after your father for a while for aiding and abetting the Cali cartel. But because your father was Colombia's respected minister of defense, it was very difficult, close to impossible, to expose it. But on the other hand, you were his only weakness, which made you the only option.

"It's fuckin stupid, we'd better commit suicide..."

Javi grumbled while he's stalking you on the way your home.

That was the first time he saw you, you look like very happy with your friends returning from college, unaware that the man you would later love and hate so much was following you at the moment.

Of course, you didn't know about the shit your father was doing and you never did.

As Javi spy on you behind his sunglasses in a distance, all he could think about was how to approach you. You were young and quite beautiful that every man would want you easily. He was at least 10 years older than you and he usually spends his time after work in the brothel with prostitutes, he wasn't very good at approaching other women.

"She usually likes to hang out at a bar with her friends, that's good for you sir, that's your specialty." Chris said with a smirk standing next to him.

Javi rolled his eyes. "Let’s see."

The plan that Javi, the other two agents Chris and Daniel, and his buddy Steve -by providing support from Bogota- came up with was actually technically quite simple. Kidnap the minister's daughter, hold her for a while so that you can protect her from the Salazars, the archenemy of the Cali cartel, and others can't get to her. The CIA certainly didn't want to be involved in this plan because they had already taken Escobar. That's why it was actually very difficult. Javi was no longer an agent and he was not authorized to ask any support.

So he had to reluctantly go to Don Berna, knowing that he would definitely want something in return, of course. But Javi was doing it partly for himself, he wanted more than anything to go back to his days as an agent. And taking the cartel down.

They could kidnap you suddenly when your'e outside, but a conflict would be inevitable, and if gets out that Javi was involved in this, the positions of other agents could be in danger, and even if America's name would heard about the kidnapping of the minister's daughter incident, it could be very very bad.

That's why Javi was going to approach you as random guy, not as an agent. The first attempt was failed, because you were at home almost all week, and sometimes you went shopping, that's all. Also you were given ride by a car every-damn-time. Javi was getting more and more impatient wondering when he would find the right time.

Luckily, due to the information Javi received, the girl -you- has a birthday party tonight and you were going to be with your friends only. That night, he was primping his hair more than usual night, he was already very attractive with his bright brown eyes, slightly shaped hair, clean-shaven face except for his mustache.

He put his favorite perfume on his neck and a little on his black leather jacket too, then left the house.

The party was in the bar of an elite hotel. As Javi approached the crowd at the entrance of the big hotel, his phone rang. That was Chris, he was joking about whether he was going to put a bug in his jacket so they can eavesdrop on .

"Fuck off," he hissed and approached the entrance. It was not difficult for him to get in, pass the security etc., the main problem was what he was going to do inside. He sat down on a bar stool, had a drink and started spying around. He looking for you, and he almost spit out his drink when he noticed you, “Damn,” he gulped.

There you were, standing in front of him with all your beauty, the dress you were wearing left your back and shoulders exposed, also was quite short so he can see clearly your long and smooth legs, shining under colorful lighting. Your light brown hair, resembling chocolate, was layered long, cascades down your back, your makeup was not too much but the color of your lips was just—

"Great," Javi muttered. He almost forgot what he came here for. He tossed off his drink and observed a little more, just then someone -he thought was probably her ex boyfriend -approached you, and things got tense after an argument, luckily for Javi, you walked over to the bar stool. With an upset expression, you sat down next to him without noticing Javi who got excited for a moment realizing finally had opportunity to make a move.

“Is everything all right?"

You just took a sip of your drink and startled by this question.

When you turned your head that way, you saw him, and were immediately surprised how you didn't see him before, sitting on barstool next to you, because he wasn't one to go unnoticed, at that moment you felt that you entered the field of his attraction.

This stranger asked you sincerely, he seemed a little worried but much curious though.

Even  you were almost forgetting why the hell you’re upset about. Then you shook your head and come to your senses.

"Yes, I think so," you murmured without looking at him.

"It's just that some men can't handle being dumped," you sighed. Javi smiled flirtatiously, "If the person who dumped is a beautiful woman like you, I can’t imagine how though to handle."

When you heard his compliment, you felt your cheeks turn red, you couldn't take your eyes off his dark brown eyes for a while. You smiled and made a gesture like thanking him with the glass in your hand. Your friends came to check you on trying to convince you to go with them but you didn't want to go.

The music was loud, everyone were dancing madly but you didn't want to dance either. For some reason, it was more tempting for you to sit with this stranger.

"May I ask your name?" he asked.

"Y/N," you said immediately, your voice was like a silver bell ringing. "And your name is?"

Of course, Javi couldn't say his own name, he had to lie, and he said the first name that came to his mind.

"I'm Juan."

"Glad to meet you, Juan. You're not here for my party? why are you here?" you asked in a curious way.

"I think my date ditched on me tonight," he pouted his lips and smirked.

"Oh, it's too bad," you said sincerely, "Well, her loss."

"Do you think so?” he said, by raising his eyebrows. “That was very kind of you."

Oh god, those eyes you thought, feeling your heart pounding so fast.

‘Can you be my birthday present?’ you wished and smiled to yourself for naughty thoughts and hoped he didn’t notice that shit.

"Let me stay here if you want, the party is almost over anyway, you have no idea how happy I am to get another age," you said in a sarcastic voice, looking at your friends and rolling your eyes.

"Well, happy birthday then," said Juan (aka Javi), handing you his glass to toast.

After toasting your glass with him, you had a long conversation, you started to like him more and more, however it was quite late.

"Oh, it's almost 2 am," you said in a nervous voice, checking your watch.

"Juan, it was nice to know you, but I need to go home. My father is very strict. And he won't accept any excuses."

"Okay, I have no intention of getting beaten up by a girl's father, but let me take you home, because I’m afraid, all of your friends are gone so."

You immediately turned your head and looked around, he was right, there was no one left, well, you wondered how this happened so fast.

"We had a very long chat, ha?” you smiled hysterically.

“Si, I enjoyed every moment," he got up with triumphant joy and helped you to put your jacket on. How kind he was, you thought, when he helped you while putting your jacket on with his big hands and the smell of his perfume came to your nose, almost took your breath away.

It was fucking perfect.

--

"Actually, you can't give me a ride home," you said before leaving the hotel.

"My father always sends a private car to pick me up."

You sound was low because you've never liked that.

Javi quickly scanned the outside with his eyes, he didn't need your father's men to see him at all right now.

"Then will you give me a chance to see you again?" he asked quite willingly hoped it wasn't too much to ruin everything.

You didn't know what to say, usually you would never tell your father about their relationship because he kept grumbling unnecessarily.

But you wanted to see Juan again more than anything, you surprised even yourself with this eager attitude. What was happening to me like this? you thought.

Javi was waiting wanted you to say yes more than anything, time was running out. He wasn't sure if he'd ever get that close to you again. It should be done later this week.

"We just met, Juan," you suddenly said, “I'm not used to this, meaning this is the first time I've had such a chat with someone I met at the bar.” You didn’t want to look like easy.

“But I can give you my beeper number." you added, mischievously.

While you were typing in your number to part of paper, Javi was wondering if it was right time to kidnap you right now. But suddenly his eye caught the men standing outside next to the black car. They were probably waiting for you. He had to a give up, it was too risky.

"Here," handing him your number written on a paper.

"Good night," you said with a warm smile

"Good night," Javi answered in low tone looking the paper you just gave him.

Suddenly something came to your mind and you stopped for a moment, which made a big smile on your face. You immediately turned towards him, after you check the men waiting for you, one of them was coming towards you slowly, you had to be quick.

"Do you like painting?"

Javi was surprised.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I have an exhibition of paintings at the Muli museum on Friday at 8pm, maybe we can hang out afterwards."

Javi's brown eyes were shining with hope, he smiled at you so warmly.

"Ah, and the best part is, dad won't be there," you whispered, blinking at him, then you ran towards the car like the cinderella in a hurry for her carriage.

That was your second mistake…

Javi was happy, felt like he has won a victory.

"Can’t fucking wait, baby," he murmured with a smirk on his face .

----

“What the fuck?”

Opening your eyes in a place you've never seen before, trying to remember what you did last night, where you were, and how you got here.

Or by whom.

Your memory was starting to come back with a terrific headache. You were waiting for him in the art gallery of the museum, people were congratulating you for your exhibition and it was crowded. You were hoping for him to come, yes, him. The person who brought you here. He.

When you sit up in bed, you realize that you remember everything.

Juan brought you a bouquet of flowers, visited your exhibition, praised the paintings you made, and then offered to have dinner outside, everything has been great so far. Until when he asked if you wanted you to go to his house after dinner, and you said yes.

Well, that was your third and last mistake.

-----

While the two of you were driving towards his house-at least while you were hoping so- he brought you to a large area, somewhere like a helicopter field.

You got out of the car and looked around try to understand what the heck is this, but before you even turned around to ask him, You felt your consciousness go away with a sharp smell coming from a rag which he was holding his palm pressing to your nose. The last thing you remember is that a helicopter was approaching in the distance.

Suddenly, your heart started beating very fast, you pressed your hand to your chest, feeling make a fool of  hit you very hard.

You immediately stood up to look out of the window. Everything was dark outside, the only visible things were the forest-like trees that made it impossible to see the sky and the weak lighting that surrounded the house where you are now. There were iron bars outside the window, like a prison. Anger and a feeling of being cheated began to take over your body. You turned your eyes to the room and hastily reviewed it, but there was nothing useful, your body wanted to leave here immediately, your survival instinct wanted to find a way out.

"She's awake,” you heard a voice from behind the door almost whispering.

You were suddenly startled by the opening of the door, but at the same time you went into defensive mode.

He was the one who came in.

The first thing that came to your mind to take small lamp on bedside table and throw at him. Juan was fast, he flinched reflexively, then he carefully and  slowly approached you.

"Please listen to me, I'm not going to hurt you, let me talk."

"Who the fuck are you? What do you want, why are you brought me here?”

Javi then put his hands on his waist trying to find correct explanation.

“Answer me!” you yelled at him.

"Fuck, baby I know you’re surprised as hell but listen, I am Javier Peña. Former DEA agent, the reason I brought you here is to protect you only, please believe me."

"Is it so?" you asked in a sarcastic way.

You moved back and picked up a pillow this time and threw it at him again.

"Fuck off!"

Javi grabbed the pillow and sighed deeply.

He brushed his hair back with his other hand, which fell on his face when the pillow hit, and then he approached you, there was no place left for you to step back so just standing there.

Without taking his eyes off you, he threw the pillow on the bed. His eyes were deep and serious this time.

"I'm telling you the truth, I guess you don't know about your father's shit with the Cali cartel. I don't blame you. But it was only a matter of time before the cartel's enemies used you to harm your father, so I had to take you here."

"And you saved me? What, am I supposed to say thank you or something? Yeah, fuck you very much!"

He rubs his head, didn’t know what to say.

"You should have a dog in the hunt, right?” you asked suddenly, trying to find a way to get closer to the door.

Javi sighed and sit on small couch near the door.

"I lost my job because of your father, I'm not an agent anymore. Beside- wait!"

When you run towards the door in a quick move, he grabbed you from behind easily.

"Let me go," you cried. You were struggling to get out of his strong arms.

"Don’t be silly Y/N, have you ever thought about where you're going. There are soldiers outside, guards, and we're not in Cali anymore."

Suddenly you stopped fluttering, Javi hadn't pulled his arms out, he couldn't figure out what to do. But when he saw the sad expression on your face, he let you go.

"What do you want from me exactly?" you asked, your tone was no longer angry, yet desperate.

Javi grabbed your shoulders softly and looked into your eyes with his bright brown eyes.

"I want you to stay here until we capture the Cali cartel, we’ll do whatever you want or need, no harm will come to you, I promise."

"You mean, until you get your job back.”

Javi's touch by shoulders hurt you more, you pushed his hands away and he was avoiding reply and you both knew it meant yes.

"I want to talk to my father," you said after a short silence.

"No fucking way, I'm sorry."

"You were going to do whatever I wanted, you said so," you frowned.

"Everything except that," said with half smile.

His smile made you even more angry.

"Look, why don't you get some rest, stay alone for a while, we'll be downstairs when you need us."

You didn't answer, you were looking out of the window with hands crossed.

"Was it all part of this game?" you asked Javi who was about leaving the room but playing with door handle.

"I mean your interest in me," you explained, "It was all a lie, wasn't it? You approached me because of my father, didn't you?" looking at him this time.

"Get some rest, please" he said again, slowly closed the door, left the room.

You couldn't hold back your tears anymore and you let them flow and fell asleep while murmuring.

"How stupid I am.”

-------

The days were passing, and every time you were a hostage, you started to get more bored, you hated the feeling of uncertainty and detention.

And when you looked out of the window in your room and see the same things every day, it didn't help to make that feeling go away. Mercenaries, soldiers or whoever they are, they sprinting as group every day for training, changing shifts on duty, and this goes on until it gets dark.

Javi and others visiting you to ask what you needed and to bring food and drink only.

But you didn’t see Javi for two days. Even though he came anyway, he didn't talk much.

Maybe because you beg him for to get you out of there everytime he comes by, who knows. And one day the worst thing happened for you. Chris ran into the room at lightning speed because you screamed very loudly.

"Are you all right, senorita?"

Javi was in a meeting with the commander of the soldiers and Don Berna at the time. The meeting was about to end when his own name was called. He frowned, put out his cigarette and left the office.

"What now," he hissed.

He ran up the stairs, getting worried.

"What the fuck is going on here?" he asked curiously. Saw Daniel and Chris waiting outside of the bathroom door.

“Señorita has a problem, we didn't get it, sir."

Javi gestured his hands for them to step aside and grabbed door handle wanted to check but-

"Y/N are you all right? What-"

"Don't you dare come in!!!" you shouted quite loudly.

"Okay, can you tell me what happened, por favor?"

"Look, I need clean clothes to change and, the, that thing," your voice was cracking.

Three men in the room looked at each other confused as hell, they had no idea. Javi approached the door softly again.

"To what, cariño?" his voice so soft too but it only made you more angry.

"Just the fucking girly thing," you scolded him.

"Never came to your little minds of yours, when you were kidnapping a girl, ha? Idiots!"

Javi felt so embarrassed when he realized, he bit his lip and ruffled his hair with his hand.

"I'll find you what you want, I promise, you hang in there a little longer, okay?" almost begging.

Daniel and Chris giggled each other.

"Stop it and think about how we will find it." Javi snarled.

"The market near here is at least 50 km away, sir."

“Fuck.”

"What about the female soldiers? I've seen one, no harm to ask her, right?"

Javi nodded.

"You two stay here.”

“Hurry up!!!” you shouted again.

When he get out of the building, Don Berna and the others were there.

"Hey amigo, is there any women among soldiers? I need to talk to her right now."

"Peña," Berna laughed roughly.

"If you need a hooker, just tell me. Anton will take you. I wouldn't recommend approaching female soldiers with that intention. If you know what I mean."

He laughed so hard that the cigar in his mouth almost felling to the floor.

"Fuckin hilarious.” Javi snorted.

----

You were in a lot of pain and the bleeding couldn't stop.

You had no choice but to trust Javi and wait. When you were about to faint, you heard the door open, and immediately after, a woman's voice came to your ear.

"I'll take it from here, gentlemen," she said confidently.

You were almost relieved when you saw a woman in uniform in front of you. She brought clean clothes and tampons, also helped you to change, and now you were dying to get out of fucking bathroom.

"Thank you, really," you said sincerely.

"No problem, señorita," she smiled and left the room, but Javi has entered before the door was closed.

"Are you feeling better?"

Suddenly you felt your cheeks turn red.

"Yes, thank you," you said, avoiding to make eye contact with him.

“Don’t thank me, just be okay,” he muttered and left the room.

You wanted to say more but couldn’t. Feeling abandoned because he left you in the room alone, but because you were so tired to think over. So you preferred to go to the bed and lay down.

-----

---------------------------- All episodes here ------------------------

[vivwritesfics]

Jester Stole His Thorny Crown

Chapter Five

He never had a choice in his life. His dreams were nothing more that that. Dreams. But then he met a lounge singer at his brother club and everything changed.

Mafia!Au

1.6K

Series Masterlist

Her favourite days were the days that Arthur came to visit. She made him a drink as he sat at the bar, and leaned against it. "He didn't tell you he was getting lessons?" She asked as Arthur sipped his drink.

As soon as he put it in the bar, she took it from him and sipped. "You think Charles would tell me anything like that?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know him well enough to judge," she mumbled, letting her head fall into her hands. "Honestly, 'Thur, I don't think I want to get to know him well enough."

Arthur offered her a weak smile. "He'll get better, I promise," Arthur said, his fingers reaching out to touch her arm.

He pulled away and stood from the bar. "I've got to go," he said as he stretched.

"Work?" He nodded grimly and she walked around the bar to throw her arms around him. "Try to come back alive, okay?"

Arthur hugged her back. "I'll try."

He took his leave, walking out of the lounge and meeting his brother outside. Charles had refused to come in and now Arthur knew why. He was embarrassed.

When Arthur saw him, he wordlessly climbed into the car.

Back in the club, she walked over to the piano and sat herself down. She didn't play, not yet, instead letting her head fall into her hands.

This life wasn't the one she had envisioned for herself. Even when she was begging her mother to get her piano lessons, she never thought she'd be playing it for her career. She never thought she'd be performing almost every night in a lounge bar.

She never thought that lounge bar would be bought by a member of the Leclerc family.

She had moved to Monaco with the money her parents had left her after they had died. The lounge was supposed to be a temporary job, something to help her pay rent until she found her dream job, whatever that might have been.

Within the four weeks that she had been working at the lounge, it changed ownership. The young, cute guy came in and changed everything.

He redecorated, put in a newer, modern bar, new tables and lighting, and put in a new stage. He got rid of the stage and put in a brand new one, with these fancy lights.

Most of the performers were let go. Actually, every performer but her was let go. She didn't know why Arthur kept her on, but she was incredibly grateful.

She didn't know who Arthur was, didn't know who the Leclerc family was when she first started. Arthur didn't tell her right away. He waited until they were less boss and employee and more friends. When he told her, she didn't judge him. He had proven himself to be lovely and wonderful and she doubted he could hurt a fly.

But Arthur told her almost everything. Before she knew it, it had gone too far, and she knew more than she should have. There was no way she could have gotten out if she wanted to.

Until meeting Charles, Arthur was the only member of the Leclerc family that she really knew. After all he told her, she took time to research them. She found out that Lorenzo was the head of the family. He ran Monaco while trying to make his deceased father proud.

Charles was the ruthless, angry middle child. That was all she knew about him. Anybody who really, truly, knew what he did, well, they had a bullet in their heads.

Arthur was the protected little brother. He'd been on one job before, as far as she knew, and that was when he ended up with a bullet in his arm.

She couldn't help but be worried for her best friend when he left the lounge.

***

"Where are we?"

Arthur looked around at the surroundings as Charles put his car into park. The parking lot was empty, the Verstappen family nowhere to be seen. "We're headed there soon," Charles said. "I... I need to talk to you about something."

He'd never acted like this before. Arthur had never seen his brother, the brother that struck fear into the hearts of anyone that looked at him. "Are you dying?"

Charles glared. "Shut the fuck up. This is serious."

Arthur swallowed.

"Your pianist. How did you get her to like you?"

He let out a laugh as his brother's face went red. When Arthur had first introduced them, in a sense, he had a feeling that they would get along or that Charles would like her. It was a small feeling, and he certainly hadn't expected to be right.

"I can't believe this," she said. "I can't believe it. You have a crush on her! You actually have a crush on her!"

Charles's nostrils flared. "Shut up, I'm not a child," he growled.

Even Arthur was scared enough of his brother that he fell quiet. "I was just nice too her, okay? I didn't flash my guns and I didn't terrify her."

Charles simply grunted. He drove away once again, not speaking a word to his brother. The silence in the car was palpable. Arthur was almost too scared to breathe.

They got to the place where they were meeting the Verstappens. Max leaned against the car while Jos still sat inside. When Charles parked his Ferrari, he pushed away from the car and approached.

Charles and Arthur climbed out of the car. The older Leclerc took the hand that Max was offering him and shook. "Good to see you, mate," he said.

But he looked past Max, looking at Jos in his car. "Is he coming out or..."

"You got somewhere you wanna be, Leclerc?" Max asked with something of a giggle. But it wasn't a proper giggle, because future mafia bosses didn't giggle.

There was a minute where Jos didn't move. He stayed sitting in his car, looking forward. Charles often thought that, anybody who thought him to be terrifying clearly hadn't met Jos Verstappen.

When Jos climbed out of the car, Max returned to his fathers side and the meeting began.

It was the weirdest meeting Charles had ever attended. It was unclear whether Jos wanted to get out of Monaco or to kill them. He was angry, always angry, and he answered in mostly grunts.

Max did most of the talking. Charles walked them around, showed them what they needed to see in their warehouses. He wanted it over and done with as quickly as possible. He had a piano lesson to get to.

When they finally returned to the cars, Jos finally spoke up. "I thought I was to be meeting with Lorenzo," he said.

Arthur went to step forward, but Charles kept him behind. "Sorry, Verstappen, but Lorenzo had things he had to attend to." It wasn't a great excuse, but it was all Charles had. He had no idea what Lorenzo was doing, but he wasn't going to let Verstappen bully his way into a meeting with the head of the family.

Verstappen let out a breath. Wordlessly he climbed into his car. Before the door could shut, he snapped his fingers at Max, who climbed in after him.

Charles and Arthur waited until the Verstappen car had disappeared into the distance until they climbed into Charles' Ferrari. "I'm dropping you at maman's," he said.

"Why? Because it's close to the lounge?"

Charles didn't answer. He only sped up, driving expertly around other cars. When he got to their mothers apartment building, Charles quickly parked and gave Arthur five seconds to get out.

As soon as those five seconds were up he was speeding away again, heading to the lounge. There was maybe an hour before it opened for the night; he figured there was enough time for a lesson.

As he opened the door to the lounge, she was closing the lid of the piano. But, when she saw him, she stopped. "Mr Leclerc," she called. "Charles."

He opened his jacket, revealing no guns. "I come in peace," he called. "I thought we could have a piano lesson."

She nodded her head and he climbed onto the stage. He stripped off his jacket and sat beside her. "You you wanna try something a little more complicated?"

Charles copied her every note. For forty minutes he played at his best. She wouldn't admit she was impressed, she wasn't ready for that much conversation.

But, twenty minutes before the lounge was supposed to open, she stood up. "I'm really sorry, Charles, but we're gonna have to finish. I need to get dinner before we open."

Charles nodded, understanding. He stayed sitting at the piano for a minute more, still playing as she grabbed her jacket and went running out of the lounge. Charles wasn't going anywhere. He was going to stay and watch her performance.

When the rest of the staff started filing into the lounge, Charles stood from the piano. He wandered into the back office and took a seat at the desk. Arthurs desk. In front of him was a schedule.

It wasn't the staff schedule, but a schedule of the performers. And, for every night, there was one name on it.

Suddenly she was running into office. When she saw Charles, she stopped. "Charles I really need to get ready to go on stage."

"Arthur hasn't given you a night off."

"Well, who else do you think is going to perform here," she said as she pulled a black dress from her bag.

Charles clicked his knuckles as he stood up. He was going to have words with Arthur.

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[cynical-rain-frog]

Albedo x fem? Reader

Themes: fluff, angst, unrequited love (but is it really? *winks*), misunderstandings (but they aren’t annoying)

Summary: You love Albedo but he starts falling in love with Lumine.

Story notes: this starts as fluff which turns into angst which then turn back into fluff. THIS HAS A HAPPY ENDING!!!

Author’s notes: This is my first time writing something this long so I apologize for any spelling errors, grammar errors, or format errors! It is not proofread. Also I kinda wrote this for myself so I imagined a Fem reader but I’m pretty sure the reader’s gender is never mentioned. Please don’t be too harsh but give me tips on things that don’t make sense with the story or aren’t very satisfying! Enjoy!

You loved Albedo. How could you not? He was the first person you met when you came to Mondstadt and although he seemed unfeeling and cold on the outside; he was actually very attentive and sweet. You knew he was capable of love. I mean, he clearly loved Klee, So why couldn’t he love you too?

You would spend hours upon hours with Albedo in his lab in dragonspine. You would assist him with anything he asked of you while you would talk to him about your life and ask questions about his. You felt comfortable whenever you were with him and he seemed to feel the same.

So how did lumine do it? What was different about her? You had gone back to mondstadt in the early afternoon to look after Klee at albedo’s request. While taking care of her you suggested to get some Cecelias and bring them to Albedo. (his favorite flower) Klee agreed and you went out to starsnatch cliffs to gather them.

As you walked up to his lab, you heard Albedo talking to someone. Rare but not uncommon. Rounding the corner into his lab you saw him giving the famous traveler, Lumine, a smile he had only ever given Klee before. Your heart dropped and you froze in your tracks. Klee ran up to Albedo holding the Cecelias.

Klee: “Albedo! We picked some flowers for you!”

She smiled wide and lifted the flowers up to Albedo’s hands. He smiled a loving smile and accepted the flowers.

Albedo: “Thank you very much Klee. These are very beautiful. Did you have any trouble gathering them?”

Klee: “Nope! Y/n got all the ones that I couldn’t reach!”

Albedo’s gaze lifted up to where you were still standing in the entrance to his lab. You watched his smile change ever so slightly as he locked eyes with you. You jolted and walked forward handing him the rest of the flowers.

Y/n: “h… here”

Albedo: “thank you, Y/n”

He turned back to lumine, who was watching the interaction and studied her for a second before tucking one of the flowers behind her ear. You could see a slight tinge of pink at the tips of his ears and you knew it wasn’t because of the cold. You stayed silent as he chatted with Klee for a few minutes before you headed back down the mountain with her. As you walked you felt tears welling behind your eyes. “Why were you so upset? It’s not like you owned him.” you thought to yourself.

The next day you had fleeting hope that the occurrence with lumine was just momentary attraction and nothing more. You were alone with him in the lab again when he suggested you become his apprentice. He could teach you alchemy and help you apply to the knights of favonius. Spending even MORE time with Albedo while also being useful? Yes please!

The weeks that followed were filled with long days learning alchemy with Albedo. To your surprise you had a natural talent for it, especially when creating healing ointments and potions! Albedo commented how you were a good student and how easy it was to teach you. You had to look away to hide the blush spreading on your face.

One particularly cold morning you got the lab earlier than usual. You walk around the corner to greet Albedo with a “good morning” but stop dead in your tracks when you see lumine is also there, sitting on a table while albedo prepares ingredients for your lesson. They are deep in conversation so they don’t notice you at the entryway. Albedo smiles softly to himself as he talks with lumine. You notice he is talking a lot more than he usually does with you though you can’t hear a word they’re saying. Your heart is beating too fast. Something inside you tells you it would be very uncomfortable if you intrude right now, so you decide to wait right outside the lab until the time you usually arrive. You step outside into the crisp cold air and sit down, bringing you knees up to your chest. You look up at the gray overcast sky and snow starts to lightly fall around you. You think back on how Albedo interacts with lumine. You really love him and as much as you wish you could be the person he smiles at everyday, you know that may not be possible.

Despite it being cold in the mountain, the warmth radiating from the lab keeps you comfortable. Combining that with being up earlier than you’re used to, you feel you eyes growing heavy. The last thing you think about before drifting to sleep is how handsome Albedo is when he smiles.

Your eyes flutter open and you see Albedo at a table working on an experiment. He isn’t wearing his coat and you feel very warm. You look around and realize you're sitting on a chair near the alchemy table in the lab. Lumine isn’t anywhere to be seen. You shift slightly and notice you have extra clothing on. It’s Albedo’s coat. Why does he have to get your hopes up like this?

You sigh and he turns his head to look at you.

Albedo: “Ah. Good morning, Y/n.” Y/n: “Albedo…? How did I get here?”

He shrugs and replies bluntly.

Albedo: “I carried you inside. You would’ve caught a cold if you stayed out there.”

Y/n: “Oh. Thank you.”

You’re searching for something else to say. Something to keep the conversation going, but you can’t find any words. There is a minute long silence between you two as Albedo finishes writing the results of his experiment. He stands up and walks over to you. You assume he’s going to ask for his coat back so you start to take it off. He notices you doing this and stops you.

Albedo: “you can keep it on if you want.”

Before you can respond he hugs you tightly.

Y/n: “wha-?”

You are surprised but not upset. You hug back. After a minute Albedo moves away while still holding your shoulders. When he speaks next his voice is soft and full of relief.

Albedo: “why did you do that? I was so worried when you didn’t show up for your alchemy lessons.”

Y/n: “I… thought it would be awkward if I intruded in your… moment with Lumine”

Albedo: “My… Moment…? Oh. You mean the conversation I was having with her? Yes that probably would been quite awkward for you.”

Upon seeing your wounded expression he explained further.

Albedo: “But not for the reason you probably think. You see, Y/n… I….”

He stops talking and sighs. His cheeks turn a slight pink.

Albedo: “Y/n. I think I am in love with you.”

Y/n: “What?! But- but I thought you liked Lumine?”

Albedo: “Ah… are you referencing the day where I tucked the flower in her hair? In retrospect I will admit that was childish of me... I was upset that you hadn’t noticed my feelings so I tried to make you jealous.”

Y/n: “What about the conversation you had this morning? I clearly saw you look very much in love while talking to her.”

Albedo: “We were talking about you.”

His words make your face heat up.

Y/n: “So this whole time… you were in love with me?”

Albedo: “Yes.”

Albedo gently tucks your hair behind one ear. With his other hand he puts a Cecelia behind that same ear. He leans in close and kisses your cheek.

Albedo: “Think of that as my apology.”

His smile is full of love. So YOU were the one he was in love with the whole time. You think about how you acted and feel silly.

Y/n: “Apology accepted.”

You lean in kiss him.

[skzhua]

i like coffee better ('your eyes' series)

♡ "This is disgustingly cute."

pairing: kim seungmin x reader.

genre: fluff, barista!AU.

word count: 7,904

warnings: swearing, your typical barista imagine. (proofread-ish)

summary: seungmin has seen you before, but he never bothered talking to you. in fact, he did not care about you. when you came in the coffee shop in distress, he decided to be a good person for once and to make you a caramel macchiato in hopes to help you calm down. surprise: you do not like caramel macchiato, but you do like the young barista.

a/n: we are done with the series after almost 7 months! thank you for your patience and love on this one. i will surely do a similar project in the future since i had so much fun with this one.

SERIES MASTERLIST

"Thank you so much." you smiled at the barista, who only bowed slightly at you.

You grabbed your coffee from him and smiled at yourself. He was cute. You liked to believe you could get along with anyone no matter how different you were from each other. So yeah, the barista was cute, but unapproachable. Over time, you had unconsciously made it your mission to be his friend even though he made the task pretty difficult. Shop crowded or not, he had never paid much attention to you, sadly. However, you weren't the type to give up so easily. His cold façade was only a shell in your opinion.

You didn't have the time to think about this, though. Your friend, Byeol, was waiting for you from outside of the shop, impatience growing.

"Why do you have to take so long to just grab a coffee?" she asked as you began to walk towards the school building.

"I have specific preferences."

"Weirdo." she insulted in a friendly way.

Byeol might be the most careless person you had met in your entire life. First off, you were her only friend from what you could see. Secondly, she was barely listening in class, but still passed with flying colours. Thirdly, she lived alone and had close to no social interaction. It was on the first day of school that you spoke to her for the first time. The teacher had force the students to pair up, so you did so with the girl sitting next to you. Although she wasn't much of a talker, she was a good school partner. So you sticked with her ever since.

Unlike her, you were the perfect example of an ideal student. You would listen to everything in class while taking notes, study for hours, get grades over 90. Within all that, it still surprised you how you managed to be able to have a social life.

Arriving in front of your English class, Byeol whined at the simple fact you had to be there. Linking your arm with hers, you forced her inside and chose two places to sit.

"Be ready for three hours of hell." she complained.

"Come on, it's not that bad."

She shot you a glare. "From 1pm to 4pm, I could be doing other more important things. But no. I'm stuck here."

"With me~" you cooed while putting a hand under your chin to act cutely.

"Babe, I love you, but this class is shitty." she laughed.

When the teacher walked in, she quickly started the lesson. Taking a few sips from your coffee from time to time, your mind went back to the cute barista who had been serving you since you had started going there.

However, being already a few weeks into this school term, the woman in front of the class proceeded to present the main subject of the first big assignment. Unsurprisingly, it was about Shakespeare, which you had studied in previous school years. You put your focus on taking notes, but it didn't take much for you to lose it. Byeol being Byeol, she kept on dropping her pens on the ground as she played with them, bored out of her mind. Shooting her a glare, she smiled with guilt in her eyes and went back to occupying herself. One second later, another one fell off the ground. You ignored her this time, until she did it again and again. This time, you sent her a death stare and she chuckled apologetically. Huffing, you went back to your notes and to listening to the teacher.

"Byeol, would you mind telling us more about Hamlet?" she asked but your friend didn't budge.

You nudged her arm and her head shot straight up.

"Sorry, what?" she said in confusion, which only made you more frustrated with her.

The professor sighed, looking as disappointed as you were, and repeated. "I asked if you could explain the meaning of Hamlet."

The silence she gave was so loud, you were embarrassed for her. In the end, the teacher let go and went on with her lesson. A moment later, she started to explain the assignment. Filling up your notebook with your writing, you wanted to disappear only from seeing how severe her guidelines were.

"If you have any questions, do not hesitate to reach out to me. I'll end this class here so you can start preparing your assignment. I'll see you next week."

You put your books in your bag and stood next to Byeol's desk to wait after her. Although you had a pretty good idea of what you would be doing for the project, you couldn't be any more nervous. Tapping your foot on the floor, you impatiently waited for Byeol, who only gave you a look as she pointed to the ground. Following where she was pointed at, you smiled shyly.

"What? I'm stressed."

"You're always stressed." she scoffed as you left the classroom. "It's just a small assignment, nothing to worry about." she shrugged, but you could not believe how unbothered she was being.

"Small? Byeol, this grade counts for 20% of the semester. If I fail this, I'm failing the course. My parents are going to kill me if that happens." you almost yelled out of panic, but she rolled her eyes at you again.

"Says the girl who has perfect marks."

She did have a point. One factor she forgot was how easily stressed you could get, especially for school. Your parents had always been very strict with you when it comes to school and you couldn't imagine how it would be if you were to disappoint them. Hence, you were continually anxious with your grades.

"Okay, fair enough. This time, though, I really have no idea how I'm going to do with this project. She wants us to compare modern adaptations of Old English stories with their original but does she understand how much work this involves?"

You waited for an answer, but none came. Stopping on your tracks, you noticed how she had been ignoring your complaints. This was typical of her. You loved her, but she was always daydreaming somehow.

"Byeol." you snapped her out of her thoughts.

"I'm sorry. The class was so boring, it tired me." she smiled weakly.

You sent her a glare, annoyed at her behaviour. The both of you started to bicker while walking towards the bus stop. You could walk to your dorm, but you weren't a fan of walking in the cold unlike some others. After your tiny arguing was over, your bus stopped in front of you.

"I'm going to study at the coffee shop tomorrow, you're coming?" you asked but she shook her head no. "Alright, I'll see you next week, then. Have fun alone, tonight?" you teased her.

"Thank you, Y/N." she laughed as you finally went inside the bus.

It was barely a five minutes ride until you got home. Tired, you didn't even bother removing your coat when you plopped yourself down at your desk. Your flatmate, Eunhee, observed you curiously from her own desk, taken aback from your lack of energy. The girl kept to herself mostly, though she had started to open up more recently. She wasn't as much of an introvert as Byeol was, but still not as social as you.

"Long day?" she asked.

"Yeah." you groaned. "I've never hated school so much."

She hummed as she kept reading her schoolbook. "I have only six courses and I feel like it's too much."

"Tell me about it."

But you were going to make it. You knew you would, because you always managed just fine. Everything was going to go smoothly.

The only thing going smoothly was how quiet the coffee shop was for being 7 in the morning. Other than that, you were pure chaos as you had been staring at the project instructions blankly, lost about how you should start.

"Latte for Y/N?" the worker called from the counter, shifting your attention from your laptop.

You stood up and got your drink, thanking him, before walking back to your spot. You started to type some ideas, but it was still very blurry in your mind. You checked the instructions once again, and realized none if your ideas would be working. So you started over.

It had been a few hours since you had started, and you were getting hungry. You walked up to the cash register to wait in line. A muffin sounded tasty, but they had just freshly made new sandwiches. You opted to order both.

"Next." the worker said in a lazy voice.

"Hey! I'd like a ham sandwich with a carrot muffin, please!" you asked kindly, but the man raised an eyebrow at you.

"You're still here?"

"Pardon me?

The question took you by surprise. You had been, in fact, in the café for hours already. You didn't expect the workers to notice your elongated presence, even less this cute barista.

"No, because you've been sitting in front of your computer since we opened. I'm just wondering why you're still here."

Maybe he was concerned, but it came off rather direct. Almost as if he was annoyed about you studying at his workplace.

And Seungmin was, in fact, annoyed. He's not stupid, he's noticed how often you would come to his job location. So much that he had started to ask Felix to cover his shifts when he knew you had a break. Because it was to the extent he knew your schedule; you were always there. Usually, he wouldn't mind. However, you were one of a kind to say the least. You had tried to befriend him on many occasions. Seungmin strongly believed work wasn't a place to be making friends and that, instead, he should be focusing on executing his tasks and on the pay he would get in the end.

"Excuse me, but I like studying here. I have an important work to do." you informed politely, though you were quite offended by his comment.

"Sure." He focused back on the cash register, entering your order. "That would be $8.92. Credit again?"

You didn't bother confirming because you knew he already knew. You paid and stepped aside to wait for your food. In no time, he gave you the bag without addressing another word to you as he went back to the cash, taking the next client's command. Though he wasn't so different from other days, you felt like he was particularly good at getting to you this time. It might have been because of stress, but it still hurt.

Sitting back down at your spot, you stared blankly at your messy brainstorming as you chewed in your sandwich. You didn't even realize you were doing so until you finished your food, the muffin included.

Your eyes left the screen and you found Seungmin out of his work attire as he held onto his school bag. Raising an eyebrow at him, you waited for him to talk. Seeing that he wasn't going to do so himself, you started to talk.

"Can I help you with something?" you asked kindly.

"Why are you so... cheery all the time?"

You tried to muster up an answer but his question took you too much by surprise. As he noticed you weren't able to answer, he sighed.

"Forget it, that was stupid to ask. Good luck with your homework."

As you watched him leave, you found yourself smiling. He was literally the cutest guy you met and he had finally said something kind of friendly to you. Improvement, no?

Your leg jumping up and down, your teeth biting into your lower lip as you chewed the skin around your nail simultaneously, you were on the verge of giving up. This school work was eating your from the inside and everything you had done so far seemed like a waste of time.

"Still here?"

Your eyes left the screen and you found Seungmin out of his work uniform, a bag slumped on his shoulder. It was the third time you went to the shop in only a week, and funny enough, it was the third time Seungmin had finished work not even ten minutes after you settled at your usual table.

"Still surprised to see me?" you replied unexpectedly rudely.

Seungmin was taken aback. Usually, you would simply answer softly with a quick explanation and he would leave you with a shrug. This time, however, you seemed to be more on edge.

"What?"

You rolled your eyes. "You always tell me the same thing every time, I'm starting to wonder why it's such a big deal that I study here." Seungmin wanted to say something back, but you were quicker. "I mean, I'm surely not the only one who comes here to do their homework."

Mouth slightly agape, he didn't know what to say. With a satisfied nod, you went back to typing even if you were writing nothing really. He sighed heavily and left the shop and you saw Felix take over his shift. He walked up to you with a smile.

"Hey, Y/N!" he beamed at you.

"Hey." you responded carelessly.

He frowned. "Are you good?"

"Yeah, I'm just struggling a bit with this thing."

He leaned closer to see your screen. Slowly a crease appeared between his eyebrows in concentration as he read your project outline.

"Looks fun."

You grunted. "Real fun."

"Didn't Byeol do the same project?"

Your eyes widened. "Don't tell me that bitch finished before me? I thought she hated this class."

Felix shrugged. "Maybe she wanted to get rid of it as soon as she could. Good luck, anyway. If you need me, I'll be at the cash."

You waved him bye and sighed heavily as you read again your outline. In all honesty, you wanted to cry. You removed an entire paragraph plan and started to type something else. When you determined you had put something decent, you read yourself again and you found it to be no better than the last idea. With a loud groan, you let your head fall into your arms as you slumped on the table. Tears were pricking your eyes but you were determined to not let anyone see it. Still, it wasn't that easy to contain your quiet sobs.

"Here." you heard someone say as you felt the chair in front of you being pulled for them to sit.

You rose your head up and were more than stunned to see Seungmin extending a beverage to you. This was such a small gesture but the built up stress you'd been under made it seem like the greatest thing anyone could do for you. In an instant, you let more tears flood on your cheeks. It was Seungmin's turn to be surprised. Not knowing how to deal with you, he put the drink in front of you and gave you an awkward smile as an attempt to cheer you up.

"Can I do something else? Do you want a muffin like the other day?"

Great, this only made you cry more. In a rush, he went to Felix to ask him to get you tissues. He came back to you with a Kleenex box that you accepted gladly. After blowing your nose a few times and wiping off your tears. You finally breathed normally.

"I'm so sorry." you started as Seungmin straightened his posture as to tell you he was listening. "I've been under a lot of pressure with this paper and I have to submit it next week. I have no idea how I'm going to manage and... I'm sorry, I'm rambling on."

Seungmin chuckled. You thought you were dreaming. You heard the man chuckle.

"I get it. I have my own load of school work these days and it's a lot."

You nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it sucks."

He pointed to the cup in front of you. "I got you this, it might help."

"Thank you." you smiled kindly before taking a sip. As the beverage came in contact with your tasting buds, you weren't able to hide your face of disgust. "What is this?"

"Caramel macchiato."

"A coffee would have been just fine." you said as the weird taste was still in the back of your mouth.

He rolled his eyes. "As if I was supposed to guess you don't like it. Fine, I'll get you a muffin then."

Before you could protest, he was already up and walked behind the counter to steal one of the carrot muffins. Too stunned to speak, you just stared at him when he walked back to your table with the baked good.

"This, I know you like." he sighed as he switched it with your drink.

Carelessly, he took a sip from your cup. In your head, so many things were happening at the same time. One thing in particular stuck; what the hell happened to him to be so kind to you?

"I'm sorry but why are you doing this?" you questioned.

He perked an eyebrow in confusion. "To make you feel better... I thought it was obvious."

"It is but why?"

He wasn't sure exactly what was your question but he tried his best to answer. "I mean, you've been on the verge of crying so I thought you might need some distraction."

"Yes and thank you but I'm a little bit confused. I thought you didn't like me."

You did get him there. He didn't like you, indeed, but seeing you all panicked and helpless did something to him. He couldn't say what it was but there was a feeling within him of needing to help you relax. Perhaps it was simply because he was raised to be kind to those in need.

"I don't despise you. You're annoying as shit, sure, but I'm human too. I can see when someone is not well."

Finally, a smile formed itself on your face. After all of your efforts, he finally confirmed to you that he had the capability of being nice. You almost wanted to believe he did this for a purpose other than simply helping out someone. For exemple, because he actually did like you. However, you were not delusional to this extent.

"Well, I appreciate it a lot. Thank you, Seungmin."

"Sure, you're welcome." he said nonchalantly and took another sip of the caramel macchiato.

"It tastes nasty."

He huffed. "Well, you have no taste."

An insult, but you saw it more like teasing this time. Maybe this was his way to bond. Anyway, you were not going to complain. You got free food and it was more than necessary for you to like him. (As if you didn't already.)

"What is your major?"

He blinked slowly, surprised by your interest. "Biology."

You hummed. "Do you like it?"

He shook it head. "It's not that bad but I'm only in this field to get more opportunities. Maybe I'll change it but I don't know."

You nodded and then waited for him to ask you the same. It never came and Seungmin was still sipping on his drink while staring in the void, deep in thoughts.

"Well, I'm an English major. I'm considering teaching in kindergarten."

He didn't seem impressed. "Fun."

"I used to babysit my little cousins a lot before college." He hummed. "I think this is what made me what to go with teacher as a career."

"I wanted to do something nice to calm you down, not for you to tell me your whole life story." he deadpanned. "Sorry, I don't want to be rude but I'm not really in the mood."

You pursed your lips in an 'o' shape while nodding and you focused your eyes back on your laptop. The two of you stayed like this for a while in silence. You had done close to none advancement in your work but at least you had completed your outline. This was a start.

"I'll be going." Seungmin said and got up on his feet.

You saw that his cup was now empty so it only made sense he would leave then. Nonetheless, you were quite disappointed.

"See you around?"

He pondered for a moment. "We'll see."

There was only the conclusion left for your paper. The rest was completed in the last weeks you went to study at the coffee shop. Seungmin had seemingly stopped avoiding you much to your joy. Unlike what you would have expected, he continued to treat you some snacks once in a while as a way to encourage you with your work. It was always when he was done with his shifts and he'd bring you an ice americano with some words of support such as "looks like you did some good work", "keep up, it's almost done" or "don't stay here too late". At that point, you weren't even coming to the café to focus on your project. You only wanted to see him, consciously or not.

But when you realized so, you called Byeol in panic. Asking her if it was okay for you to stop by at her place on a normal Thursday morning, you stormed in without knocking. Making laps around her living room as she sat on her sofa while reading her notes for her next class peacefully, you were far from being relaxed.

"And then he gives me yet another muffin with sweet words only to greet me coldly again the day after. It's as if he has come around with the idea of me being at the shop all the time but being annoyed at the same time. And Byeol, when I tell you his smile is the cutest shit I've seen, I'm not kidding. And with the project ending, what is going to be my excuse to see him? He's still so distant when I bring up any topic other than honework."

She nodded nonchalantly, visibly spacing out. "Calm down, I'm sure it's not a big deal."

"The deadline is tomorrow, how can you ask me to calm down?"

She only sighed before turning her book's page. "I did it under four hours of work and you know I'm much slower than you. You'll be fine."

You scoffed in disbelief. "You don't get it. I'm not stressed about the work. I'm stressed Seungmin will stop giving me coffee each time he sees me in the shop."

In a quick move, she closed her book and stared at you in confusion. "You know Seungmin?"

Your eyes grew bigger. "YOU know Seungmin? And were you even listening to what I've been telling you for the past 20 minutes?"

Luck wasn't on your side as someone knocked on her door. She left to answer while you continued to groan by yourself. You debated whether you should ask him out or not. You did like him a lot but there were times you only wanted to shove him into a hole for being such an cold-heated ass.

Byeol came back with her mail and you took one of her pamphlets while she read another. Might as well try to distract yourself with boring school news. One thing did catch your attention. You held out the paper to your friend.

"You might want to read this one."

Snatching it from your hands, her eyes went over the paper and she whined. "Fuck this shit." Then another knock came from her door. "What now?"

Seeing that she was clearly not in the mood of facing someone else, you opened the door for her and you were surprised to see Hwang Hyunjin in front of you. From all you knew, Byeol had little to no friends other than you. You sent her a knowing look that she didn't even see unfortunately.

"Hyunjin? What brings you here?" she exclaimed as soon as she saw him.

"Ah, um... I thought we... I don't... I.... Didn't we agree on going to school together now since we have classes at the same time on Thursdays?"

Her eyes widened and you almost wanted to laugh at the two for being such a mess together. "Shoot, right, I'm sorry." she breathed out.

Seeing this as your cue, you grabbed your bag and put your hand on Byeol's shoulder. "I'll be off, then. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

You took off to leave the lovebirds alone and almost ran to the coffee shop. You were almost certain that Seungmin was working. So needless to say you only felt disappointment when you saw Felix smiling at the customers as he took their orders. Still, you needed to get your project done before the end of the day. You sat at your usual spot and opened your laptop before typing rapidly on the keyboard. Having only a couple of details to add, you were done only an hour or so later.

"I can't say you didn't work your ass off on this." Felix said in amazement.

Seeing he had taken off his apron and had his school bag with him, you assumed he had just finished his shift.

"I might have put more time into it than needed, but at least I know I'll submit something good."

"Yeah, at least." he chuckled. "By the way, Seungmin took the day off today if you were wondering."

"I wasn't." you dismissed his saying but he gave you a look. "What?"

"Nothing." he shook his head is despair. "See you around, Y/N!"

You were then left alone with only have the submission of your work left to do. Not having eaten your breakfast and with your tummy grumbling, you hopped up from your chair to walk towards the counter. Only then, you almost crashed into another student who you didn't see coming your way. Halting your moves, you now recognized the familiar features you grew to both love and hate with time.

"Kim Seungmin, be careful!" you exclaimed, slapping his chest. "You almost caused me a heart attack."

He only laughed as an answer. "I'm sorry but I didn't expect you to get up the moment I was about to join you."

With that being said, he sat at your table causing you to do the same besides the fact you were about to leave. Opening his school bag, he pulled out his own notebooks and started to scribble.

"What are you doing?"

He perked an eyebrow at you. "Studying... Isn't it obvious?"

"Yeah, but why here?" you asked while showing the entire place being half full.

"You're the only person I like to bother." he shrugged and went back to writing. "By the way," he said without looking up. "I asked Felix to save you a muffin and to make you an iced coffee but I guess he forgot."

You were too dumbfounded to for a proper response and by the lack of it, he finally looked at you before throwing money your way. You stared at it, still not moving. What the hell was he doing now?

"It's on me, go get something." he rushed you.

Almost afraid of him, you took the bills and walked up to the cash. You came back minutes later and gave him the change. Still not looking up from his things, he dismissed you and mumbled for you to keep it.

"Thank you."

"It's my fault you didn't get your snack, it's nothing." Finally looking up, he frowned upon seeing a cup in front of him. "Y/N, what is this?"

"I thought you might want something too." you answered before drinking your coffee. "I don't know what you like other than that, so you've got a caramel macchiato."

"Thanks, but it was for you to buy yourself something, not me."

"And I got my stuff, sorry for being kind." you rolled your eyes. "What are you so pressed about? It's just coffee and a muffin."

"Who's been getting you that for the past weeks?"

"I didn't ask you to."

"You still appreciate it."

You were growing annoyed. "Yeah, but what game are you playing? I'm not your girlfriend or even your friend. Have that courtesy reserved for someone like that."

He glared at you. "I don't have many friends or even a girlfriend. Can't you simply thank me and let it go?"

You scoffed. "Fine, my bad. Thank you." you snapped at him.

"You're welcome but enjoy your muffin and let me study."

You groaned but he ignored you as he continued to work on his things. You tried to get your mind off this stupid argument by finally submitting your project online and then started to pack your things in your back. Seungmin, visibly surprised, put his hand on your laptop to stop you.

"You're leaving already?"

"Yeah, I'm done with my project."

You thought you caught a glimpse of disappointment in his eyes but you blamed it on the sun that was hitting his face in the perfect angle. Damn him and his perfect visuals.

"I thought it was due next Friday."

"Tomorrow is Friday, genius." you laughed.

You nodded your head in his way before walking out. Taking a breath of fresh air, you had a weird feeling forming inside of you. You opted to walk to the campus instead of taking the bus since it might help with making it disappear. However, someone shouting your name loudly only tightened this strange feeling.

"Can I walk you to your classroom?"

"Okay, Seungmin. Don't take it personal, but what the actual fuck is wrong with you?"

Little did you know there was actually nothing wrong with him other than he realized he might had taken too much of a liking to you. After Felix convinced him to stop switching shifts for the sake of his spot as dance captain in the dancing club, he had to familiarize himself with the thought of having you around all the time. He didn't know why but your friendly behaviour you had been keeping up ever since he met you only got on his nerves.

But when he saw you almost on the verge of a burnout that day, something in him switched. Hence, he thought giving you free food would be his way to show that he cares in a subtle way. Only recently did he realize he liked you. And all of the bad and rude jokes were nothing than just some friendly teasing. But you couldn't know that.

"What do you mean?"

You grunted again. "You're acting all... nice. Well, more than usual today."

"Is it that hard for you to think I'm genuinely friendly?"

"Honestly, yeah. I'm weirded out a little."

He didn't respond this time and he took your hand in a quick manner before walking towards the school, still having the caramel macchiato you got for him in his other hand. You would have tried to break away only if he didn't have this much effect on you. The knot you had inside your tummy transformed into butterflies. You almost couldn't believe that he was being this bold with you.

"What time is your class ending?" he asked after he arrived in front of your classroom.

"At 3."

He smiled widely at you, rubbing the top of your head. "I'll come see you then."

You had no time to process what he said as he left. In all honesty, you had no idea what happened and debated on whether you wanted to wake up from this dream or for it to be reality. The voice of your teacher rushing the students to get seated at their desks was what it took for you to understand that this was all real, just really confusing.

Weeks passed by and Seungmin continued to walk you to your classes and get you afterwards only to hang out. You still went to the café often so nothing changed much in the end. You were grateful for him being so sweet but you remained doubtful of his motives. First off, the shift in his attitude was progressive but fast so you couldn't comprehend what caused it. And then, he'd be acting like a child around you at times that you were wondering if it was the same man you met before.

"I have a good idea." Seungmin declared as he dropped his books in front of you.

Startled, you jumped a little from his sudden appearance and glanced around the library to make sure he didn't bother another student. "And what is this good idea of yours?"

"The end of the semester is coming up soon, no?" You nodded. "And I think meeting up at the café or the library has become a bit dull."

"What is your point?"

"I've been wondering what kind of date would be nice and I asked Jeongin to help me with this-"

You held your hand up to stop him. "Woah, there. A date?"

"Yeah." he nodded happily while you stared at him in shock.

"Seungmin, we're friends, right?"

He shrugged. "I thought you liked me. Was I wrong?" You hesitated to say something causing him to roll his eyes. "Okay, so the nice tipping and the cute not-so subtle glances from last semester were nothing?"

Your eyes widened. You did, in fact, try to catch his attention by doing those small things but you didn't expect anything to come out from it since he was being so indifferent. But ever since you got closer, you had suppressed your feelings to avoid things to be weird with him.

"Maybe you weren't wrong." you admitted in a whisper.

He grinned. "Knew it. Alright, I'll do this more properly then."

"Do what?"

Instead of answering, he took your hand and looked deeply into your eyes. You felt intimidated to say to least.

"Y/N, will you go on a study date with me?"

Your eyes grew even wider. "What?"

"You heard me."

You broke you hand away from his grasp and gathered your things quickly. Giving him a quick apology, you ran off.

It was certainly not because you didn't want to. This was too unexpected. And right before the final exams? He chose his timing well...

Catching up to you in the hallway, he put his hand on your shoulders to stop you. "I'm sorry if this is too straightforward but can I at least get an answer?"

You still couldn't form words other than something that sounded like "Uh?"

"Look, I already got something prepared for you. Can you come see it? If you don't want to stay by then, you're free to leave."

Reluctantly, you nodded which earned you a smile from him and he took your hand. Walking away from the school grounds, you were starting to feel uneasy. Where the hell was he taking you to? The further you were going, the less familiar your surroundings were. Eventually, Seungmin attempted to appease your worries by making a couple of jokes here and there. Before you knew it, you had stopped watching around as you let yourself being guided by him.

"I rarely see Jeongin like this but he is obsessed with this girl." he chuckled as you seemed to approach a family house.

"Where are we?" you asked as you stopped on your tracks, growing doubtful.

"Changbin's place."

"Doesn't he live on campus?"

"His parents' place, then. They are gone for the week and Changbin let me use his backyard."

Before you could question him again, he headed towards the fence door that let to the back. You followed behind and he stepped aside to let you walk first. Needless to say, the setup caught you off guard. A coffee table was displaying books and mugs as well as a coffee maker.

Seungmin excitedly walked towards the spot while gesturing for you to sit with him. You complied in silence, unsure on what to say.

"You know that book you need for your literature course?" he said and you hummed. "I know you've been struggling to get a hold of it so I asked Chan to use his model student status to find it."

You looked closer to the book laying on top of the pile. Indeed, it was the one your professor had been telling you to get since the beginning of the semester. With you being the person you are, you thought you would be able to buy it later on since you only needed it for the finals. Lucky enough for you, it was now out of stock and you had begged Byeol to give you hers once she was done. Only this girl was taking forever to finish it which only fed your anxiety.

"Using your friends for me? Man, you must like me a lot for you to do." you chuckled.

"Right."

"This is disgustingly cute..." your murmured, loud enough for him to hear.

His face grew red before he hurried you to start reading. As you began to do so, he served you a cup of coffee as well as one for himself and went on to do his own stuff. It was pure silence but you could hear your heart beating so loud. You glanced at him a couple of times just to make sure he wasn't hearing it.

And Seungmin was doing everything he could to focus on his book. However, your presence made his hands sweaty and he was struggling to prevent himself from looking at you.

Minutes went by, hours went by. And he looked.

And you were looking back.

Panic mode went on in your brain and you squirmed on your seat to find a better position. You attempted to go on with your reading but you just couldn't.

"Y/N." he called out.

You were almost glad he spoke first, diffusing the tension already. And the smile he gave you before sticking out his tongue made you laugh more than it should have. You were about to read again but he made you another face, one so ridiculous that you shook your head while chuckling.

Seungmin felt a rush of confidence all of the sudden. If he had managed to make you laugh, then he definitely succeeded in making this a perfect date. Maybe it was time to test how much he can joke around with you.

"Look at this."

Your gaze moved to the picture he was pointing at in his own book. You weren't sure why he would want to show you a picture of a squirrel, you frowned.

"It looks like you."

You scoffed. "Yeah right."

"No, it does! It's fluffy and you look soft. Squirrels eat a lot, you do too-" he went on to explain but the glare he received shut him up for a second. "And they're cute... just like you."

You didn't know how to react, you were certainly not used to receive this kind of attention, especially from Seungmin. Your lack of response kind of made freak him out, though. Sure, he grew confident but the worst thing after a rejection is no answer at all. Nervously, he took a sip of his drink and resumed to his reading.

"Thank you." you ended up saying. "And thanks for the whole... thing?"

"Date." he corrected.

"Right. Thank you for the date."

And, so, one date turned into two, two dates became three, three became four, and so on. In the span of three weeks, the two of you had almost become inseparable. Remaining his unserious self, Seungmin still showed you in many ways that he cared a lot. The way he would pull the chair for you to sit, order your muffin at the café, prepare your orders in advance as he knew you'd be coming. He checked up on you every morning and night, making sure you either slept well or had a good day. He walked you to almost all of your classes and sometimes even waited outside of the room until you were done.

Although you had never asked the other, it was evident you were a couple. Still, there had been nothing more than holding hands. And even that remained something you were not quite familiar with yet.

"Hey."

You jumped slightly from the contact with your hand while Seungmin was smiling happily. Rubbing your skin softly with his thumb, he looked at you with affection.

"Oh, hi."

"Hi."

"Hi." you chuckled at how ridiculous you two were being.

"So... What's the plan for today?"

Dates were usually planned by Seungmin but you had insisted on your last one that you wanted to surprise him for once. Meeting up at the park near school was the only thing you told him so far.

"I recall that you mentioned liking singing, am I wrong?"

He gave you a look. "What about it?"

"I don't know music much nor do I know what you like. However, I might have arranged something even better."

You tightened your grasp on his hand and headed out of the park. Seungmin let you lead but was quite lost. You were always full of surprises but this one worried him just a bit.

You had been walking for quite a bit. Even if Seungmin was bugging you every ten minutes to ask you where you were going, it didn't stop you from joking around and laugh.

"Seriously, where are we going?" he said, finally having enough of it.

Your smirked. "Karaoke?"

His already serious look turned darker as he glared down at you. "No."

You pouted. "Why not?"

"It's embarrassing."

"I'm sure you're a great singer."

"It's just a small hobby." he shrugged before starting to walk back to where you came from.

With a huff, you grabbed his arm and tried to keep him from running away. You tugged a couple of times but he was much stronger than you and not moving the slightest.

"Seungmin!" you whined as you stopped trying.

Rolling his eyes, he turned to face you. "What do I get in return?"

"My care and admiration?"

He let out a laugh. "I already have it."

"What do you want then?" you groaned.

He looked up as he thought for a second. "A kiss?"

A... a kiss? You opened your mouth but no sound came out. It was evident it would happen one way or another. However, your mind seemed to have shut this idea out. Was it because you were scared? Maybe.

"Hey." Seungmin said as he took your hand. "If you are not ready, I won't push it. I said it as a joke."

You watched his other hand move to your cheek and you felt your breath cut short. You swore you could feel your heartbeat fasten.

"Shall we go?"

You blinked once and twice, and smiled. "Yeah, let's go."

While Seungmin offered to pay, you insisted that it was on you. It was your idea after all and you absolutely didn't mind spending money if it meant you finally would hear Seungmin sing.

When you got into the room, you sprinted to sit on the couch while grabbing the tablet on the table. Seungmin watched you with adoration before joining you. There was something so darned adorable about you scrolling through the songs as your eyes shined. He could see them lit up every time you'd see a song that caught your attention.

"I'll start, and then your turn?" you said as you showed him the song you picked.

"Impress me."

With a grin, you started the music and stood up to pick one of the microphones. As the melody began, you swayed your body side to side to match with the beat. As the lyrics came up on the screen, you lost no time in giving your all. Your vocals were not good per say but they weren't horrible. In fact, Seungmin liked your voice quite a lot. There was a hint of passion in it that was mixed with simple fun. He loved how it looked as if there was no one watching you. You were glowing.

"Done!" you said happily and clapped for yourself. "Your turn."

"Do I get a kiss in the end?" he wiggled his eyebrow only to receive a smack from you. "Ouch! Sorry..."

He scrolled through the songs and it seemed to have taken him hours before he settled to one. The soft music surprised you, you would've bet he was the pop music kind of guy.

You could see he was nervous, that was obvious. The way he fiddled with the mic, how he kept on looking at you, how he bit his lower lip in hesitation. But still, he brought the microphone to his mouth and he sang. It was simply beautiful, you found no better words to describe it. You didn't know a voice could soothe your ears so much, it felt as if they had never heard anything before. You were just speechless.

You almost cried when you realized it was the end of the song, not wanting this moment to end. When Seungmin set the mic down on the table, you jumped up and squeezed him in a tight hug. He held you back automatically while you were attempting at your best to compliment him.

"Why are you hiding this talent? Since when do you- why don't you sing more? This was so pretty! Can you make a career out of this?"

"Woah, calm down." he laughed while hrabbing both of your shoulders. "Thank you but it really is just a hobby."

"Then I'm the only one who gets to hears this, I'm gate keeping you all to myself." you affirmed.

"You're cute."

He laid a kiss on top of your head and you frosmze in place. Slowly, you dared to look up at him and he was much closer than you originally thought. You could smell his minty breath mixed with the cologne he must have put on beforehand.

"And you're very pretty." he added in a quieter voice.

Your eyes moved to his lips and there was no denying he wanted to lean in closer. You wanted to. You ignored the overwhelming of butterflies in your stomach and stood higher on your tippy toes. Results; your lips touched. It barely lasted a second as you pulled away quickly, almost ashamed of what you had just done.

Seungmin didn't waste any time to grab the back of your neck and pull you right back into a kiss. This time, it was long enough so you could feel how his lips felt so perfect on yours. It was better than you imagined.

As you pulled back, you couldn't help but shed a tear, worrying quickly your lover.

"What's wrong?"

You shook your head. "Nothing. It's just, I think I'm in love with you."

His mouth broke into a smile. "I think I'm in love with you too. Why are you crying, though?"

"I don't know, I'm happy?"

"You don't seem too sure."

Your lips turned into a pout, making him chuckle. "Stop, you meanie..."

He couldn't take you seriously, you were too cute like this. Pecking the top of your nose, he brought you closer to his body.

Whilst his cold façade was always something that intrigued you, what you wondered more was why was his body so warm next to yours? And how on Earth did you manage to actually get with him?

Whatever it was, you could definitely say coffee wasn't your addiction anymore. It was him now.

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[endless-summer-soldier]

dr. feelgood - chapter twelve

pairing: Surgeon!Bucky x SurgicalIntern!Reader

summary: Y/N has a one night stand with a handsome stranger the night before starting her new job as a surgical intern. Little does she know, the handsome stranger also happens to be her new boss

warnings: must be 18+, drinking, some surgery descriptions, smut, self-pleasure, praise kink, oral sex, unprotected sex, rough sex, PTSD, choking, angst

word count: 3.7k

a/n: ask and you shall receive! I started doing my final proofing and got tired and decided to post so apologies for any typos, I'll fix them later lol. please enjoy this one and thanks for your patience!

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taglist: @tellmealovestory @mrs-bucky-barnes106 @charmedbysarge @theroyalmanatee @ozwriterchick @aya-fay @differenttyphoonwerewolf @elizabeth916 @Buckyb-stan @normalgirlnextdoor @Hnnhbananananana @Sebastians-love @buckybarnessimp @samkickikc @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @a-rotten-chicken-nugget @starsm00n @mondaycomingdown @sebsgirl71479 @notmeddy @drewsuncrustables @lokidokieokie @hextech-bros @nats-whore @m4nulup1n @arcanebabe @tanyaspartak @jackiehollanderr @princezzjasmine @pono-pura-vida @mavrellover91 @helluvapimp @almosttoopizza @esposadomd @zannemes​​

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It took exactly three seconds for Bucky to come to his senses. The gentle click of the door shutting brought him back to reality and he realized he couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t pretend like his heart didn't skip a beat every time she came into the room. That every time she smiled at him, he completely lost his focus. She was all he thought about, day in and day out, even when he was avoiding her. He wanted a future with her. In fact, she was the first woman he'd ever met that he could see a future with. And he had messed it all up. 

What hit him suddenly, as she walked out of the house, was that if he let her go, he was just bringing on more trauma. He would never emotionally recover from losing her. He would be stuck with his PTSD night terrors and would always live life wondering what if things were different. One of the lessons he learned in combat is that life is short and precious, and it shouldn’t be wasted.

“I’m such an idiot,” he mumbled to himself. He flew out the front door, hoping he could still catch her before she took off. It was a monsoon outside, with water pouring down in buckets. He caught the headlights of her car flooding the driveway and he darted toward the vehicle without another thought. He didn’t waste time putting shoes on, running outside in just socks. While wet socks were one of his pet peeves in life, at this moment he didn’t care.

He knocked feverishly on her window before she could put the car in reverse. She was initially startled before she rolled down the window. 

“What are you-” before she could finish her question, his hand was around her jaw and his lips were caressing hers. This was the last thing she expected, but she didn’t stop him, wondering if this was the last time she’d feel his lips on hers. He was dripping cold rainwater all over her and the seat of her car but she didn’t even care. She leaned into him, savoring the taste of his gin-coated lips.

He pulled away, leaning his forehead against hers, stealing the breath from her lips. “I’m not giving up on us,” was all he said. 

That gave her the confidence she needed. This time she took the lead, placing both hands around his jaw and pulling him closer to her, smiling in between every delicate kiss. 

“I’m so in love with you,” he whispered in between kisses and she reacted by holding him tighter and running her fingers through the hair on the back of his neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t fight for us. I just wanted to protect you.”

She pulled away and nuzzled into his neck, “I know, I know Buck. It’s okay.” Their blissful moment was interrupted by the cheerful barking of a golden retriever. Bucky turned around to find Liberty running around in circles in the pouring down rain, sloshing through the mud. 

“Well shit,” he chuckled.

“You leave the front door open?” 

“Apparently,” he turned back to Y/N and gave her one more quick peck on the lips. “I better wrangle her up, Will you stay? I’ll meet you inside and we can talk?” 

She nodded and laughed while he ran off after Liberty, sliding shoeless in the mud as he attempted to usher the dog back inside. Y/N was already half soaked from Bucky’s drippage so she easily made the decision to cut the engine and run inside. She captured Liberty’s attention as she ran to the front door and the dog darted after her. Once Liberty had followed her inside, she knelt down to give the dog some attention and to keep her inside. Bucky ran inside and shut the front door behind him, sliding ever so slightly on the hardwood floor. Y/N smiled up at him as she stood up and he returned her grin. As if on cue, Liberty shook off the moisture from her fur, completely coating Y/N and Bucky in more rain water and mud. They both started cracking up, laughing at both their disheveled states as the dog simply walked off to her dog bed. 

Bucky stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her hips. 

“You know, this look is kind of working for me…” he said, narrowing the space between them.

“Oh yeah? You into the swamp monster look?” she bantered.

“More like queen of the swamp,” he said, inching closer to envelope her lips in his. Her arms effortlessly wrapped around his neck and he pulled her in even closer, so her body was flush against his. They were cold and wet and muddy, yet there was no place they’d rather be. Bucky couldn’t believe he almost let this amazing woman slip beneath his fingers. He was savoring everything about her now: her smell, her taste, her touch. But what surprised him the most was how at ease he finally felt. The past few weeks, he’d been so tense. He was worried about Y/N, he wasn’t sleeping, barely eating, and just getting by an hour at a time. Now it was like he could finally breathe again. He didn’t realize what he was missing until he had her back. And now he never wanted to let go.

She started to pull back for a breath, but he wouldn’t let her, verbally expressing his dismay with a hummed “uh-uh.” She smiled and he kept her close, kissing her again and then moving from her lips to her cheek to her neck.

“Bucky,” she giggled. He loved hearing that sound and it just encouraged him more. “We should wash the dog before she spreads more mud around the house.”

“I don’t care about that,” he replied.

“But it’s Steve’ house and-”

“I will deal with Steve’s house later. Right now, I’m not letting go of you.” He moved in close again, seeking the soft touch of her lips. And she had no working defense mechanisms. She sighed into his mouth, loving the feeling of being back together with the man she’d been longing for over the past few weeks. But the logical side of her won over in the end.

She pulled away and Bucky shifted his attention to her jaw, planting kisses up toward her ear. 

“Okay, I’ll make you a deal…” she offered.

“Mhm,” he replied, opting not to part from her skin.

“If we take a pause to wash up the dog, then we can pick this up later. In the shower.” Bucky froze considering his options. They’d never shared a shower together and it was something he’d always wanted to do but they’d never had the opportunity.

He let out a deep sigh into her neck, “You’re killing me doll.” She gently scratched the back of his neck and kissed his ear, signaling that their make out session was over for the time being. Bucky walked over toward Liberty and effortlessly picked her up in his strong arms. As he walked toward the bathroom he called out, “You better be helping me with this!” Y/N smiled to herself and eagerly ran after him.

It took all four hands to wrestle Liberty into the tub and that was only the first step. It was fortunate that Bucky and I were already soaking wet from the rain because Liberty showered us in bathwater as she splashed around in the tub. It took us a minute to find a rhythm, with one of us rinsing while the other shampooed. After about thirty minutes, I pulled the drain plug and we pried Liberty out of the tub, wrapping her in a towel. Once she was mostly dried off, we gave her a bone which she happily curled up with in her dog bed. 

I leaned against the kitchen counter, taking a quick moment to catch my breath, which didn’t last very long. Bucky approached with a smirk on his face and, without a word, swept me up into his arms. 

“Bucky!” I called in surprise.

“Pretty girl,” he countered, awfully pleased with himself.

“What are you doing?” I protested, as he started ascending the staircase.

“We’re getting you cleaned up.” Bucky strode into what I assumed was Steve’s bedroom, and before I could argue, he opened the door to the master bathroom and I was speechless. It was spacious to the point where it could’ve passed for a health spa. There was a giant soaking tub next to a window, with tealight candles lined up on the windowsill. Accompanying the tub was an upholstered ottoman holding a tray of bath salts, luxury oils, scrubbing brushes, and any other things you might need during a soak. In the corner was a beautifully tiled walk-in shower, complete with a rain shower head and a built in ledge that could double as a bench. Along the wall was a long countertop, with two sinks placed in front of the giant framed mirror. Before I could take in anymore, Bucky sat me on the countertop next to the sink, like I was a child and he was tending to a scrape on my knee. He walked over to the closet and pulled out two, lush looking, sage green bath towels, and hung them on the silver towel rack that was placed by the entrance of the shower. 

“This is…” I said, looking around the room with wonder.

“I know. Steve takes his self care very seriously,” Bucky joked. He turned the handle in the shower and the water started flowing through onto the beautifully laid tiles, mimicking the sound of the rainforest. 

Bucky made his way back over to me and I wondered what his next move would be. I was happy to sit back and enjoy the ride of whatever he had in mind. His face hovered in front of mine, as he placed his hands on the counter, his thumbs so nearly grazing my thighs. I studied his face, waiting for him to lean in and kiss me again, so that we could pick up where we left off. Instead, he planted a chaste kiss on my cheek and exited my personal space. His right hand found its way to my thigh and he slowly slid it all the way down my leg, until he was gripping my ankle. He extended my leg and brought my foot up towards his mouth, using his teeth to nip the top of my sock and carefully pull it off my foot. He planted a sweet kiss on my big toe and then repeated the process with my other foot. 

Then he moved to my hands, removing the rings and bracelets I had on and placing them carefully in a small bowl on the counter. His slow, calculated movements were turning me on more than I thought they would. As much as I needed to have him, I wasn’t going to rush through this. He removed my earrings, giving one of my earlobes a playful nip, before he pulled off my blouse, planting kisses from my collarbone down to my navel. He came back up to my eye level, but his fingers were already working on the button of my jeans. 

“I might need your help with this one,” he said, as he pulled down my zipper. I leaned back onto the counter and lifted my hips, allowing Bucky to pull at the waistband and slide the jeans off my legs. I sat back upright while Bucky kissed his way up my legs, taking a little extra time when he reached my inner thighs. I could see the hunger in his eyes and I knew that this teasing must be killing him, but it would all be worth it. His mouth found my bra strap and took it in his teeth as he lifted up slowly and released it so it snapped back onto my skin. His hands worked their way up my love handles and met at the clasp of my bra. 

“Ah ah ah…” I chided, shaking my head before he could continue. He gave me a confused look and I merely pulled at the hem of his shirt, “You are fairly overdressed.” He let me pull the shirt up and over his head and I tossed it across the room. He leaned back in, continuing where I stopped him but I simply shook my head again. I pulled the drawstring of his sweatpants loose and tucked my fingers into the waistband and he effortlessly wiggled out of the material, leaving him stripped down to my level, clad only in his boxer briefs.

“Happy now?” he asked, with a tilt of his head.

“Almost,” I smiled mischievously. He slowly closed his eyes and sent me a toothless smile, knowing what I was getting at. When he opened his eyes back up they locked onto mine like a wolf stalking its prey. It sent a chill down my spine and all I wanted was to feel his hands on me again. He placed two thumbs into the waistband of his boxers and easily pulled them down, stepping out of them and closer towards me. 

“You have some catching up to do,” he growled.  I smiled as he kissed me, this time with urgency. His hands were behind my back unclasping my bra with ease and it fell to the floor. He started kissing my neck as his hands ventured south and rested on my hips. It didn’t take him long to pull at my thong, and I raised my right hip up to aid him, and he happily accepted the help. 

I felt a bit of a breeze and shivered briefly, as my nipples hardened slightly due to the cool air and Bucky’s fingertips. He noticed my momentary shudder and grinned into the kiss. 

“Why don’t I warm you up a little,” he suggested, sweetly kissing my jaw before shifting his attention to my pert nipples. He took each one carefully into his mouth, giving them just enough attention and then continued on his journey, eventually kneeling on the ground. I hadn’t realized that’s what he meant, but I wasn’t going to complain. He gently pulled on my legs as a signal for me to come closer which I did. He ran his tongue up my sopping wet pussy to my clit and ran circles around the sensitive bud. My head fell back instinctively, missing the feel of his touch. He dove right into my folds, exploring with his tongue and forcing labored breaths out of me. 

“Bucky…” I called, running my fingers through his hair in an attempt to pull him back towards me. He took that as encouragement and increased his efforts, shooting his eyes up to watch my reaction. I let out a soft moan and pulled on his hair harder, which he seemed to enjoy. 

“Bucky, stop,” I softly commanded. He immediately stopped and pulled back, looking up to see if everything was okay. “I can’t wait anymore. I need you inside of me.”

He acted quickly, standing and collecting me off the counter with ease, and carrying me into the immaculate shower. The minute we stepped under the water, his lips were back on mine and I tightened my grip on his neck, pulling him as close to me as possible. My legs were wrapped around his torso and his strong hands were cradling my lower back. 

“God, I missed you so much,” he whispered into my neck. 

“Show me,” I challenged, feeling bolder. Bucky reacted immediately, pressing me into the cold tiles of the shower. I let out an exhale and he took that as encouragement. He expertly shifted my position so that he had a better angle to my entrance, all while keeping me secure. And then he thrusted into me and I almost came on the spot. A moan escaped my lips and Bucky picked up his pace, grunting into my neck. 

“Fuck baby,” I let out, knowing I wouldn’t last much longer. 

“This one might be quick, but I’ll make it up to you.”

“I don’t care, you feel so good inside of me.” He gave me a quick love bite on my shoulder and then gently returned me to the ground.

“Turn around,” he commanded, caressing my hips with his fingertips. I placed my hands on the shower tiles and bent forward as he pulled my hips toward him.

“You know me too well,” I smiled.

“Of course I know how my girl likes it.” He didn’t give me a warning when he entered me and I let out a squeal of pleasure. He gave my ass a smack before clutching my hips tighter and increasing his rhythm.

“You’re so wet for me, pretty girl. I’ve missed your tight little cunt.” He thrust in deeply and paused, wrapping his hand around my front to play with my clit. 

“Ohhhhh…” He was pushing my every button and I was nearing my climax.

“Those noises are driving me wild…” He picked up his pace again and I let out another moan. “Now be a good girl and cum for me.” That was all it took to trigger my orgasm. My back arched and I leaned further into the tile to stabilize myself while Bucky’s hands kept his strong hold on me. It all seemed to happen so quickly, as I panted and tried to bring myself back down to earth. 

“Wow…” I breathed through my satisfied smile. 

“I second that.” He slowly retracted and took my hand. “C’mere.” He pulled me towards him and wrapped his arms around my waist. I locked my arms around his neck and smiled up at him as he planted a few sweet kisses on my lips. 

“That was amazing,” he said, connecting his forehead to mine.

“I know, we’re pretty good at that.”

“And we keep getting better.”

“You think it’s because we’re in love now?” I suggested.

“It has to be that,” he said, kissing my nose. “Also, I didn’t pull out. I’m sorry. I got caught up in the moment.”

“It’s okay, I’m on the pill so we should be fine.”

“I won’t do that without checking with you ever again.” 

I placed a hand on his cheek and said, “I said it’s fine.”

“I know, but I still should’ve asked your permission.”

“Well, I appreciate that. Now can we get clean and spend the rest of the night cuddling?”

“We can do whatever you would like my dear.”

Once we finished up in the shower and dried off, Bucky lent me the T-shirt he packed and he put on a pair of sweatpants. We curled up together on the couch and turned on a rerun of Bar Rescue. 

I rested my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around me and kissed my temple.

“How are you feeling, pretty girl?”

I tilted my head so that I was looking at him, “Happy.”

“That’s what I love to hear.”

“All because of you,” I smiled.

“Ah, can I bring something up at the risk of ruining the moment.”

“I don’t think anything could ruin this night for me. Unless you break up with me.”

“Well I’m never doing that. But I do think we should talk about that night.” 

“Oh. Okay,” I shifted so that I was facing him, giving him my undivided attention. He collected my hands and held them tight in his.

“I know you said you pulled me out of the nightmare, but I don’t want to put you in that position again. It might not work next time. So I’m going to start up therapy again. It did help me a lot before and I only stopped going when I thought I had things under control. But I think it might be more of a lifelong thing.”

I nodded, “I think that’ll be really good for you.”

“It’s really hard for me to ask for help, but I do think it’ll make things better.”

“And I’m happy to go slow as we figure everything out. I want to make sure you feel comfortable with things.”

“Trust me, I don’t want to go slow. I’ve finally got you where I want you. But I can’t let that happen again.”

“We’ll ease back in. No sleepovers for a few weeks.”

“Well I’m not agreeing to that,” he smirked.

“What!?”

“I want to fall asleep next to you every night.”

“Yeah but-” I started to protest.

“I think we can start with staying at your house. It’s not my space and I don’t think I sleep as deeply because it's a different environment than I’m used to. Plus I’ve stayed over your place a handful of times and never had any issues.”

“Are you sure?’

“Positive,” he stated.

“Okay, we can start there and see how it goes.”

“I still want to have a back-up plan for you though. Maybe stash an air horn or something by the bed just in case. I’ll come up with something.”

I chuckled lightly, “I don’t think an air horn is going to work.”

“Why not?”

“Do you want to know what I did the first time?” 

“I am curious actually.” 

“First, I placed my hand on your cheek,” I announced as I demonstrated. “Then I slowly pulled you in closer,” He moved with my hand until his forehead was pressed against mine. “And then I did this,” I gently brushed my lips against his and he sat there stunned.

“Yeah, that’ll do it,” he commented with a small smile on his face.

“I thought if I fought back you would only push harder but that affection might confuse you.”

“And it worked.”

“It didn’t really confuse you, though. It sort of…calmed you. You curled into me and fell back asleep.”

 Bucky looked a little stunned as he considered this, “Smart. That was very quick thinking.”

“That’s why I’m in trauma.”

“I’ll give you that. But I still want some sort of back up plan in place.”

“Well I will let you think on that and come up with a plan because you probably know better than I do on this matter.”

“I can do that. So until we have a back up plan, no more sleepovers.”

“That’s fair.”

“Tonight I’ll let you sleep in Steve’s room with Liberty and I’ll take the guest bedroom.”

She wanted to protest, badly, because she couldn’t imagine leaving his vicinity. But she chose to respect his wishes. For now, she nuzzled into Bucky’s shoulder and entangled her legs with his, enjoying every second of being in his presence.

[emepe]

— Pairing: Eren x Reader, friends to lovers

— General info: series, 18+, modern AU, serial killer AU, smut, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort

— Summary: Fate is a tricky thing. Certain situations can’t be avoided as much as certain people’s lives can’t be kept from intertwining. With a serial killer on the loose, and unexpected relationships blooming, how will the universe intervene?

— Chapter summary: A journal entry. Meanwhile, Armin does what he can to help Eren out.

— Content warnings: mentions of murder and torture of a woman, misogyny.

— Notes: Hello, hello! Thank you to everyone who liked and reblogged chapter 1 of this series. I really appreciate it <3 Happy reading, bubs!

Links: Read on AO3 | Chapter guide | Masterlist

just friends

September 8, 2024

There’s nothing I hate more than arrogant women. That’s why I had to kill her. 

All I wanted was for her to smile at me. She wouldn’t. I filled her room with all her favorite things and even loosened her handcuffs. But she was so fucking hard-headed it drove me crazy. The little bitch even dared to spit at me. I had to teach her a lesson. I had to let out my anger somehow. 

For a while, it was exciting to watch her writhe in pain. I can’t even begin to describe how thrilling it is to see how much a human can tolerate until they break. I told her it was compensation for the look she gave me the day we met. She kept lying and saying she didn’t even remember having bumped into me on the street.

I really wish she could’ve bounced back this time. I’m so lonely without her now. I miss her.   

Humans are social by nature, it's what all the books say. When one is young, we need protection and love from our caregivers. As we grow, our world gradually expands and we bond with other people — friends from school, teachers, neighbors, coworkers. If one must stick to tradition, there's bound to be a romantic relationship to develop at some point. But for some people, that imposed path doesn't come naturally. Or rather, there have been blockages throughout the years that resulted in stunted social growth. 

That's where you find yourself. It's not your fault. When one grows up forced to believe she's nothing but a burden, it's only natural to try to take up as little space as possible. But again, it's not your fault. One doesn't acquire those thoughts on their own. 

You ruined my life!

As much as wellness and self-help gurus will preach there's a place in the world for everyone, self-awareness keeps you from blinding yourself toward the baggage you carry. It wouldn't be fair to lay that on anyone else. 

So you've shrunk yourself. No making yourself seen, no making yourself heard. No talking outside of what is strictly necessary to survive. No inserting yourself into other's lives. For the most part, it's worked. Albeit, you've been deemed unlikable, weird, and rude. It's better this way. There's no use in putting yourself out there if there's so much to feel ashamed of. It's too much to trouble others with your pitiful self.

Who in the world would want to put up with you?

After the usual snarky murmurs and judgmental glances, you're rarely acknowledged save for when someone — usually a man — tries to “take a crack” at you and the whispers float in the air for another while. Other than that, you're at peace with yourself. You're almost convinced you've developed invisibility powers. 

That is until Armin came along. At first, you sighed at the prospect of going over your routine yet again. Cementing boundaries and erasing any hope that it just takes the right guy to “loosen you up”. It was disgusting to have your quietness be misinterpreted for arrogance by the men at work. Even if that were the case, who was anybody to assume you needed to be knocked down a peg through sexual advances?

But Armin proved himself to be different. He tore away at your skepticism by simply being kind with no ulterior motives. Men can be so stupid. They'll believe a girl can't pick up when they're being slimy. It must've shocked them when you started having lunch with Armin more frequently. 

It was thanks to him that you slowly expanded your world's limits. It was because of him that you began to question the voice that rang in your ears. After receiving the housewarming party invitation, you wondered whether to step forward or back. There was no denying Armin's expansion had awoken something in you. You wanted company — craved it — but you didn't want to risk bringing trouble into the group. What if Armin was an anomaly and the things that echoed in your head were true? Maybe Armin wasn't an anomaly at all, he just didn't know enough about you. You certainly didn't let him in enough. 

In the end, your heart overruled your brain. You wanted more. With a hopeful heart, you went to the party. 

A heavy sigh slips past your lips as you pick at your dinner on Sunday night. Your hair is still damp from the shower and it rests uncomfortably along your neck. Your phone lies next to your plate, buzzing every few seconds to match the texts that come into the group chat — arrangements are taking place for the next get-together with Armin and his friends. 

After your moment of realization on the balcony, you faked a yawn and went back inside to pretend to fall asleep.

This morning, you avoided being alone with Eren. Not out of fear of something happening, but you needed to sort out your feelings on the situation.

There's no denying Eren is an attractive man — but that doesn't faze you. 

Catching Eren's eye wasn't something you planned. Your world suddenly expanded outside of your will — out of your control. You're not annoyed, just overwhelmed. 

Being the center of someone's attention means more expectations, more to live up to — he has no idea you're not the kind of girl he needs. Nobody needs someone who's a burden. It's not as if you're open to reciprocating any special attention, anyway.

If history has taught you anything, it’s that love isn't in the cards for you. It's best not to entertain any silly ideas.

Friendships are tricky, but no more than romance — or whatever crossed Eren's mind each time he looked at you. Keeping to oneself is easier than either one. But with the latter idea being too late to return to, you'll have to nip this problem in the bud.

The few hours before lunchtime seem to drag slower every Monday. Given that sparing time to eat was nothing but another task to check off your to-do list, you never used to pay much attention to the clock. But since Armin, lunchtime means more than bringing food to your mouth, methodically stretching your pace to fit the length of your lunch break.

Now it means meeting with a friend, having someone fill in the silence with tales from the accounting department, and occasionally going on quick drives to Kuchel. 

So when you venture off to his cubicle, only for him to tell you he's swamped with work and won't have lunch until later, you're mildly disappointed. You don't let it show. After all, work trumps your trivial need for company.

So you wish him good luck and return to your desk. Without any conversation to fill in the minutes, you finish your food fairly quickly. When you glance at the time on your phone, barely fifteen minutes have passed. Your fingers tap rhythmically against your desk before you decidedly stand, grab your bag, and head for the elevator. 

The coffee shop on the corner of the street has been your go-to spot since you started working here. You've been there alone and with Armin. It's where your feet take you on the rare occasions when Armin is too busy. There's nothing wrong with the in-house coffee kiosk from your office building, but you find more comfort in being surrounded by strangers who keep to themselves than bumping into someone who doesn't like you. 

The early September days serve as a transition into cooler temperatures. A light breeze has added to the warmth leftover from summer. The leaves have yet to develop a clear change in color, but some yellow streaks are popping up here and there. The beginning of autumn pushes you toward all things cozy. By the time you reach the shop, you've got your heart set on having a warm cup of cinnamon tea.

You settle at a table, place your order, grab a book from your bag, and wait. Before you can reach the second paragraph of your read, a shadow casts over your left side, forcing you to look up in confusion. It's too soon for your tea to be ready. 

You're met with striking green eyes and plump lips that pronounce a bashful hi.

It's a strange coincidence. You wish you could say you've never seen him around here before, but you've never bothered to commit any face to memory if it's not necessary. 

“Eren, hi.”

The tint on his cheeks you remember so well from two nights ago resurfaces. A nervous swallow pulls at your throat. You never did map out a plan — then again, you weren't expecting to see him again so soon.

“I wasn't sure if it was you. Are you here with someone?” he asks, taking a second to look around the shop.

You shake your head. 

“No. Armin's busy so I came here alone,” you explain.

He nods, rocking his weight on his heels. A question seems to linger on the tip of his tongue as his gaze flits between you and the floor. It takes him a moment for him to find his voice, though. In spite of yourself, you have to admit it's actually a bit endearing. It's different. It's refreshing.

“Is it okay if I sit with you?” His eyes are overflowing with hope. 

You nod. He sits. The book in your hands is put away.

For a while last night, you debated the validity of your theory. Maybe Eren wasn't interested in you in the way you thought. After all, it was your first time meeting and he might’ve been nervous. You know enough about the way you present yourself to acknowledge you're not the most approachable person. Maybe all he needs is time to get used to you.

“Do you want to order something?” You ask, prepared to wave over a server. He stops you with a dismissive hand.

“It's okay, I already had some tea.”

Your eyebrows rise in surprise.

“Not a coffee guy?” 

He shakes his head, sputtering a nervous chuckle.

“Not really. I don't like bitter things.” His nose scrunches as if he can savor it on his tongue.

A server brings over your tea along with a small tray of additives. You thank them before returning to Eren's statement.

“You can always add sugar,” you point out with a shrug. 

He shakes his head again. This time you're relieved to find a playful smile dancing on his lips.

“Nothing can beat tea with honey.”

Your hand pauses mid-air on its way to pick up the wooden wand half lost in a jar of golden syrup. 

You hum in thought as you reach for the sugar spoon instead. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. That's how my mom made it for me when I was little. I'd get a stomachache or a cold and it was the first thing she'd make for me. I feel like a kid each time I drink it. It makes me think of her.”

The corners of his lips tug into a smile. You find yourself mirroring his expression as you look down at your hand stirring the sugar into your tea. 

“Your mom sounds nice,” you murmur.

“Oh, she's the best. I love her.”

Eren's shoulders relax. He feels at ease talking about his mom. He feels even better knowing he's successfully carrying out a casual conversation with you. In the light of day, everything is less scary. There's less to worry about. That carefree feeling blankets over everything. Suddenly, the motive he walked into this coffee shop for seems doable. 

Then a sinking feeling comes over his stomach. 

“Sorry.” The word bounces off his tongue without thinking.

“What for?”

He doesn't want to say it, but he hopes his apologetic gaze is enough to convey an explanation.

Your eyebrows shoot up in realization at his hesitance. Then they furrow as you press your lips into a fine line and shake your head dismissively. 

“Oh, that.” 

The recall of Saturday night when you drunkenly talked about your mom causes your cheeks to flare with heat.

Guilt settles in Eren's stomach. He didn't mean to bring up his mom. He also didn't mean to be so quick to apologize. It just made things worse now that you know he's tiptoeing around you. That's probably the last thing you want — to feel purposely pitied.

Flustered, he rummages through his brain for a solution — a way to get back on the track he was on. 

You fix your gaze on him. It's obvious he feels troubled. It's a foreign experience having someone worry so much about if they've caused you any harm. You're unsure of what feelings to associate with it other than guilt. He's not at fault for your crappy family life.

“So you and your mom are close?” you ask.

The crease in his forehead smoothes over. 

When he shyly reconnects with your gaze, your eyebrows raise ever so slightly in encouragement. The movement is so subtle it's hard not to miss — but not for Eren, who takes in every detail of your face with so much care. For Eren, the small shifts in your features are so interesting to look at. You express so much with so little. And yet there were times when you would accentuate your expressions as much as you could. What you held back vocally was compensated tenfold through your face. It's fascinating to him.

“Yeah.”

His voice is soft — a trace of his withering embarrassment.

“She's my best friend,” he adds with a little more confidence.

You take a sip of tea. The drink warms your stomach, mirroring that of your chest elicited by Eren's words. The fondness in his voice taints him with a childlike innocence. 

Eren Jaeger isn't worried about looking cool. He's honest and clumsy. It's charming.

A light shake of your head keeps your thoughts from drifting further.

“So not a coffee guy but a mama's boy, for sure. Got it.” You nod along with an overly serious expression painted on your face. 

He laughs, the sinking feeling in his stomach now dissolving into nothing. Had he not been on the receiving end of your bluntly spoken teasing the other night, he might not have laughed so easily.

A blush spreads across his cheeks. 

“Come on, don't tease me,” he mumbles.

You bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling. Eren falls back into his previously relaxed state. 

The conversation continues to flow in between every sip of your tea.

“Do you come here often?” you ask as you prepare to take another sip. 

Your eyes are locked on his. He struggles with the intense eye contact. At least, it's intense on his end.

“Not really. Armin mentioned it to me so I thought I'd try it out.” 

The pads of his fingers drum a nervous beat on the table.

You nod, relieved. You'd feel silly if it had turned out he was a frequent customer and your disregard of the people surrounding you kept you from noticing him. It would've piled onto your embarrassment from the Kuchel incident. 

“Ah, so are you on your lunch break, too? Do you work around here?”

“Um, kind of. I do media production and marketing for a museum, but I do a lot of hours at home. My place is just a few minutes by car.” 

“That's so cool.” 

The amazement in your voice in addition to its sudden turn up in volume is enough to make him blush. 

“It's nothing special. I'm definitely not raking in the big bucks like Jean.” 

“Still, it's cool. It's a lot more interesting than being an office manager.” 

Your eyebrows scrunch together with newborn disdain for your job before you finish the remainder of your tea.

“Well, I can't argue there,” he says, imitating the sliver of bitterness in your voice.

You gasp in mock hurt. 

“Hey, only I can say it.” Your tone is serious, but he knows you're joking. He can tell by the twinkle of amusement in your eyes.

He laughs.

“How long until you have to get back to work?” 

You peek at the clock on the wall across the room.

“I still have some time. It's a short walk back, anyway.”

Despite your wording, your answer triggers his nervous antics. You're bound to part ways eventually and he swore to himself he would get the words out. He runs a hand through his hair to distract himself from the anxious flutter in his stomach. 

It's no big deal, he thinks. She's just a girl. 

He regrets not ordering something else when you asked him. It would give his hands something to do. Then again, he can't keep them from shaking as he gathers the courage to pronounce his next thought. So it's better he doesn't have any breakables in his hold.

He pronounces your name carefully. His heart skips a beat when your eyes meet his. It's strange to think that you hold so much power over him within just a couple of days since meeting. He wants to get closer — he needs to. Again, that feeling of wanting this moment with you to stretch farther squeezes at his chest. 

“Do you want to hang out sometime? Just the two of us?”

He can feel himself growing numb to his surroundings as he awaits your response. It's similar to the feeling he gets after stepping foot off a rollercoaster. The adrenaline is pumping furiously through his veins while his mind goes blank. It's a weird moment of chaos and bliss all at once.

You clear your throat. 

“So… a date?”

He swallows thickly and nods.

He watches you contemplate his proposal. Your lips are pressed in a fine line, your gaze low and brow furrowed.

It's too much to hope you're equally attracted to him — he's aware. But he hopes you like his company just enough to say yes. Or at the very least, you're curious to know more.

Your mind is in conflict. This is more than you've bargained for. All you wanted was to get along with Armin's friends.

“I'm sorry, Eren. No.” 

He instantly deflates to your firm tone. 

“It's nothing personal,” you explain. “You're a really nice guy. Really. But I'm not interested in dating… at all.” You sigh, dreading the pending words on your tongue. “And I don't really see you that way. I just want to be friends.”

He remains quiet, chewing on the inside of his cheeks as he processes your words. 

The situation is uncomfortable for you, but his defeated form weighs heavier on your heart. He looks so small. It's definitely worse for him. 

“Eren?”

Your voice grounds him. 

“Sorry, I really spaced out there,” he nervously laughs. “Friends, though. Yeah, friends is good. Friends is perfect, actually.”

The word leaves a bitter taste on his tongue each time. He can pat himself on the back for shooting his shot later but, for now, his senses have been blurred by the disappointment of being turned down.

“I really like talking to you, Eren. Really.” 

Your attempt to lighten the defeat on his shoulders works — a little. It's a relief you're not entirely opposed to having him around, at least. Eren finds comfort in that. Maybe it'll suffice while he fights away at his attraction. 

“I like talking to you, too.” His voice carries a tint of helplessness. 

Your eyes soften. 

“I should get going.” 

You pull out a fresh bill from your purse and place it under the empty teacup before standing.

He stands with you and holds the door open. It's not until you're both out on the sidewalk, bidding each other goodbye, that he forces a smile. 

“I'll see you around.”

“Bye, Eren.” 

“Sorry I couldn't make it to lunch,” Armin says. He leans against the edge of your desk with his hands in his pockets.

It's been an hour since you got back, and you've been typing away, replying to emails. 

You shrug, tossing a small reassuring smile his way before focusing back on your computer screen.

“It's fine. I wasn't alone this time.”

He perks up.

“Really?”

You hum in affirmation.

“I went out for tea and bumped into your friend Eren.”

Armin's jaw falls open.

“Huh. Well, what do you know? That's a crazy coincidence.” 

There's something suspicious about Armin's theatrical tone, but you're too engrossed in going over your email for typos to notice. You only manage to murmur a simple uh-huh. 

“What'd you talk about?”

You send off your email with a satisfied click and look up at Armin as you lean back in your chair.

“Just this and that,” you reply nonchalantly. 

His lips press into a dissatisfied line.

“Well, what do you think of him?” His eyes light up expectantly. 

“He's…” You lose yourself in thought for a moment. Images of blushing cheeks, boyish smiles, and shimmering green eyes flash through your memory. You remember the honey and his simple confessions. “... like a little kid.” 

Armin's face bears a mix of confusion and amusement.

“What do you mean by that?” 

A soft pensive hum vibrates through your throat.

“Dorky,” you reply firmly. 

Armin snorts, readying himself to come to Eren's defense, but you continue.

“He's… honest, like a little kid would be. And he's a little clumsy with his words but it's… Kind of endearing. He's a sweet guy.”

Armin nods along, his face serious. Finally, he smiles. 

“Sounds like you had a nice talk, then.”

Date proposal aside, your moment with Eren was enjoyable. Even taking your rejection into account, you didn't sense any resentment directed at you and that just further proved your pure perception of him.

It's not the first time you've been asked out. It's certainly not the first time you've said no — that's always been your response, albeit for different reasons. A few guys in the office have tried getting closer to you but, even if you were open to dating, you can always tell it's nothing genuine from their approach. Their overly kind performance just makes it easier for you to decline. Once that's been done, their creepy narcissistic truths come to light — you're stoned with sexist slurs and disgusted looks. It'd hurt more if you were still the kind of person who craves approval from the wrong people.

There's a clear difference between them and Eren. So even though you rejected him, you still wish to be close as friends. He's a nice person to know.

“I did,” you tell Armin.

There's a shimmer in your eyes he manages to catch. Your features are soft and serene as you prop your chin on one hand while you mindlessly scroll through your emails with the other. Your lips are shaped into a discreet smile. Like a kid.

On his way back to his cubicle on the opposite end of the floor, Armin hums a cheerful tune to himself. There's a proud bounce in every step he takes. 

“Armin, check your phone. It was buzzing like crazy a few minutes ago,” a female coworker says in passing before grabbing a manila folder from her desk and rushing off to a meeting room across the hall.

“Thanks, Mina!” he calls after her.

Armin taps the missed call notification on his screen and brings the phone to his ear, grinning expectantly.

“You suck,” Eren's voice comes through the speaker after the first ring.

“Woah, woah, woah. What did I do?” Armin laughs as he steps out onto the empty smoker's balcony. 

There’s a groan on the other end.

“What do you think? I crashed and burned.”

Armin’s face contorts in confusion. From what he could gather on your end, the coffee shop incident went well. You were smiling, and although the things you said about Eren didn’t seem like it, you meant them fondly — Armin knew you well enough to confidently confirm that. At the very least, it meant you weren’t completely repulsed by his company. Even if there are different sides to every story, the discrepancies shouldn’t be anything major.

“What are you talking about?” Armin sighs.

Another groan on Eren’s end. If Armin wasn’t so patient, he would’ve hung up. 

He really is like a little kid, he thinks.

“I asked her out and she said no.”

Armin’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. How could you keep that part out of the conversation you had earlier?

His shock doesn’t stem from your rejection, but rather because of Eren’s unexpected bravery. Although Eren was tough on the playground when they were kids, he grew up to be a fairly meek guy. When it comes to a girl he likes, he’s never been the bold type. Armin found it a bit strange at times. Eren’s had a track record of being popular among women, so his confidence should be over the roof and his personality, unbearable. But if he’s honest, it’s a good thing he doesn’t pay much attention to those things. It’s easier to root for a friend who only acts on more honest feelings. Even if that confidence didn’t stick with him.

“This is all your fault, Armin. So much for having my back.”

Even through the phone, Armin can tell his best friend is pouting. He has to hold back from rolling his eyes — it feels deceitful to do it behind his back when he has to play the role of a sympathetic friend right now. 

He rubs at his nape, unsure of whether he should feel proud of Eren for making a move or apologetic for not contemplating what seemed like a far-fetched risk. 

“To be fair, buddy, I didn’t send you over there to ask her out. I just thought you would like the chance to talk to her and get to know her a little better.”

“You couldn’t tell me that before? I don’t think I can ever face her again!” Eren half-yells.

Of course, Eren chooses to focus on the negatives. Armin cherry-picks the situations he meddles in. Even if it’ll serve as a confident boost to reveal to Eren what you said about him and how you said it, it could do him some good to bounce back on his own — and learn to pace himself. 

“First off, you have to relax an—”

“I can’t.” Eren’s voice is reduced to an embarrassed murmur. “She makes me nervous. I can’t help myself.”

There’s a long moment of silence. 

It’s been obvious from the start that Eren is attracted to you, but the near confession pulls at Armin’s heartstrings. It’s times like this when he’s reminded how cute Eren can be. 

“That bad, huh?” Armin smiles down at the people walking on the street.

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not in love with her or anything but…”

There's a long pause on Eren's side, only disturbed by some light rustling as he moves his phone around.

“... I like looking at her… and I like hearing her talk. Do you ever notice how soft her voice is? There’s just something about it… There’s this thing with her eyes, too, it’s crazy.”

“Well, as long as you’re not falling in love with her.”

Eren releases a third groan.

“Armin, please. I just want to get closer to her. And I don’t want to make myself look like an idiot each time we’re alone. I wish there was something I could do to make her like me.” 

“I don’t think she dislikes you if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“She said she doesn’t see me that way. She just wants to be friends.”

Eren’s desolation is seeping through the phone now.

“Maybe I jumped the gun by asking her out so quickly.”

When Armin suggested Eren find you at the coffee shop during your lunch break, he figured it would help him get used to you. So that when the time came, he could ask you out without being more anxious than he needed to be. Had everything gone accordingly, Eren wouldn’t be moping now and wondering what would have happened — if anything was meant to happen — if he had just given you a little more time.

“Maybe,” Armin echoes.  

“Do you think I blew it?”

Armin shakes his head even though there’s no way for Eren to tell.

“I think you just got a little excited. You never know how she might feel later on.”

“I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. I hardly think she’ll like me any better if I act like those guys who can’t take no for an answer. I should just try being her friend.”

Armin wants to beg him not to feel discouraged — that there’s a reason why he was so excited to introduce you to each other, and why he teased him at the housewarming party after he caught him blushing while doing the dishes with you.

It didn’t start that way but, the more he got to know you, the more he thought you and Eren would be good together. 

Soft-spoken girl who keeps to herself meets the most dependable and kind-hearted boy.  

Armin would be lying if he said he wasn’t swayed by the promised satisfaction of playing matchmaker in the fantasy playing out in his head. Not that he felt you absolutely needed to get together. But he could feel it in his gut. You and Eren could do each other a lot of good. He already knew Eren would feel a pull upon meeting you and, if there’s anything he gathered from both sides of the coffee shop incident, it’s that you like Eren enough to let him stick around. It was a good call on your end, though he may be biased.

If you happen to fall in love along the way, then so be it.

“You’re a good guy, Eren. Everything will turn out fine.”

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[respectthepetty]

Cooking Crush Ep. 6 Cut Scenes

Happy Day-After-Three-Kings'-Day! I've been reporting on the missing scenes from YouTube's version of Cooking Crush [first, second, third, fourth, fifth], so I'm here to do it again like it's my job!

When Prem is showing Ten how to plate the fried rice, it flashes back to Prem's lesson about it from class.

Prem immediately went home and tried opening the container with Ten's money in it from the lessons, so he could give it back, to which his sister told him to relax and tell her what happened.

Then, the next day, Prem's sister snoops on them while they are having their final lesson. She makes small talk with Ten, but Prem tells her to leave (which is why she keeps popping up while they are cooking).

Prem takes Ten to the restaurant to eat but they have a brief exchange outside of it where Ten acknowledges he has walked past that spot often but never paid attention to it. Will Joong & Dunk feature this spot on Hidden Hangout?

Before the meal comes, Ten asks if the restaurant is so popular and the food is so good as Prem says, why is it located where it is, and Prem explains that Ten shouldn't judge a book by its cover because restaurants cost a lot of money to operate PLUS mafia fees are a hidden cost.

When they go for dessert, Ten says "A meal without dessert is the meal of a commoner" and Prem lectures him about that statement being class discrimination because common folks cannot afford basic necessities let alone splurge on sweet treats and sugar, so Ten apologizes.

Chang Ma speaks to the professor about the students and the professor mentions Boon, the bully, being too confident. Then, they speak about Prem because the professor noticed how interested Chang Ma was in him. Chef just says he met Prem at his restaurant, but he smiles shyly.

This is in both versions, but I just really liked how bold Ten was with Prem the entire episode by telling Prem how relaxed he made him, how he wanted to spend more time with him, and how he leaned in, PUT HIS HAND ON HIS WAIST, and whispered into Prem's neck about how he smells! Thanks product placement!

When Ten finally eats the food, he day dreams that Prem is a vegetable who says "I'm sweet. EAT ME!"

It's wild!

And that's it, folks! I'm thinking when the grandma talks to Prem, it'll be about selling the restaurant since the cost of operating one came up during the episode, and I look forward to Prem and Ten "defining the ship" next week!

[horsesarecreatures]

My terrifying horse.

Someone new came to try Amba today because the girl from last week who I thought was a good match found another horse closer to her. I messaged back and forth with this new lady extensively last night, telling her that Amba is an Arabian and therefore sensitive, and she might be a little forward because she's not being ridden too much, but that ultimately she is a safe, rational horse who doesn't buck/rear/bolt etc. I also made it clear that while this barn has a lot of amenities, it is not a lesson barn, and many of the other boarders don't ride. She said, "Oh that's alright, I've been riding my whole life; I'm from Poland and grew up riding Arabs; I'd love to come ride her." So I said ok and we scheduled for her to try Amba this afternoon.

I met up with her at the barn, and she was too nervous to get Amba, groom her, or tack her up. But she insisted that she would be ok next time and just wanted to see me do it first. Fine, no problem. I got Amba tacked up and brought her to the indoor and rode her for half an hour first. I put her through all her paces and today she actually was able to canter semi-balanced in both directions (by semi-balanced I mean not as uphill and collected as she's capable of without EPM, but no head tossing, lead swapping, or cross firing). She was very obedient the whole time.

I then asked if she wanted to ride. She said she would prefer if I worked her a bit more. Figuring she just wanted me to exercise Amba until she got slightly tired and slow, I rode for another half an hour. We did all the lateral work that she knows plus spins. I ended by walking and trotting her on the buckle with her head down. Then I got off.

The lady said she was too nervous to ride. I said, "Are you sure? You can just walk for today or I could lunge you guys if you want." She said ok to just walking. I lined Amba up perfectly at the mounting block and held her. The lady put one foot heavily in the stirrup, stood there with her full weight in it forever without swinging up, and then shrieked and yelled "I can't do this; she's too nervous" when Amba finally stepped towards the weight. 😠

So all in all she was a huge time waster who misrepresented her ability and is not ready to ride horses outside of a lesson context. Then she said, "Call me when you're at the barn next and I'll try her again!" Like ummm no you will not. It's totally ok to be a nervous rider, but it's very inconsiderate to not be honest about it.

[aylacavebear]

She Thought She was Normal

Story Summary: Maria really thought she was normal, for most of her life. It was normal for people to have natural talent, she would tell herself the older she got. Many things came easy for her, and that was probably how their rivalry began when she was five and he was seven and she met the Winchesters. Little did either of them know that it wouldn't stay like that forever, both having a far larger destiny than they could imagine

Word Count: 1688

Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. Will eventually be 18+!

Warnings: Childhood Rivalry

----------------------------------------- Chapter 3

Her alarm woke her promptly at five. She did her typical morning routine, only today, she put her hair up in a braid, preparing for the challenge with Dean. The sun wasn't up yet and the house was quiet, but she could hear the faint sounds of birds outside, beginning to wake up.

When she went into the kitchen, she noticed the boys sleeping in the living room, so moved quietly into the kitchen. Bobby had picked up a few of her favorite cereals when he found out she'd be staying with him, so she grabbed what she needed and went back into her room to eat at her desk. While she ate, she read through some of her assigned book, so her lesson would go faster later. After breakfast, she did her exercises and movements with her knife and gun, as her father had shown her.

Her thoughts drifted a bit during her routine, back to the book she'd read the night before. There were things she'd read that she had almost brushed off as just coincidence. Things she could do that Nephilim could also do. Even now, there was too much information missing for her to connect all the dots since the book did explain that the mother of the Nephilim always died in childbirth and her mother hadn’t.

“So, you ready?” Dean asked from her doorway. 

She'd been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she hadn't even heard him open her door, and because her gun was in her hand, she swung around and had it aimed at him in seconds.

He put his hands up, almost worried she might shoot him, “Chill. It's just me.”

She let out a breath and lowered her gun before sliding it back under her pillow, “Sorry. Lemme go wake up Sammy, I promised. Then I’ll be ready.”

He nodded as they headed out to the living room, where Sammy was still sleeping on the couch. Dean was confident that this time, he’d win. She gently woke him up. When he realized why she was waking him up, he quickly threw on his shoes, a huge grin on his face.

Dean made a mental note not to sneak up on her if she had a weapon on her. He motioned for her to follow him as he headed out to the back of Bobby's scrapyard. The sun had almost broken the horizon. Maria took note of where he led her, the way the sun would make its rays of light across the yard, and how it could affect the throws. He marked an X on the wooden fence and then stepped back ten feet. She watched him, curiously as he pulled out his knives.

“We’ll start at ten feet and work up to twenty. The one who gets closest to the target, wins,” he explained, with that damned smirk on his face again.

“Alright,” she said plainly, crossing her arms.

He wasn’t bad, she had to give him that. His first throw almost hit the X in the center, as did his second at twelve feet. However, his third throw at fifteen feet was further from the center of the X, which made her raise an eyebrow. When he got to twenty feet through, his aim was worse. Dean marked where he had landed the hits as he pulled out the knives before handing them to her. The smug look on his face only made her roll her eyes.

“Good luck,” he told her, crossing his arms and leaning against the closest car, hoping that this time, he had her.

“I don’t need luck,” she replied, a cocky smirk on her lips.

It didn’t matter how far away she was from the target, she lined up all four of the knives almost dead center of the target. Bobby had been watching them from the second-story bedroom window, smiling. Sammy was smiling from ear to ear and had stayed quiet the entire time. Dean was fuming on the inside. He had no idea how she kept beating him in these challenges he came up with and it was more than annoying now. He walked over and removed the knives, not saying a word to either of them. She casually shrugged her shoulders and headed back to the house, leaving Dean in the scrapyard, Sammy following behind her, practically skipping.

Bobby met the two in the kitchen, getting himself a cup of coffee, “Not bad, kid. How long has your dad been having you practice with throwing knives? It’s not an easy skill.” 

“A couple years now. He said I was a natural. Why?” she asked him, tilting her head slightly.

“Knife throwing isn’t something easy that just anyone can learn. Plus, some people just can’t do it at all,” he answered her.

Maria thought about his words and glanced at the window in the kitchen. She couldn’t see Dean but had a feeling he was out there practicing more since he hadn’t followed them back inside. She decided that she would at least give him some recognition for as well as he did. To her, it just seemed like the right thing to do. Bobby could almost see the wheels turning in her mind, which made him smile.

“I’m gonna guess you already ate breakfast,” he stated as he looked back toward the window.

“Yes, but Sammy hasn’t. I’m going to get started on my lessons for the day,” she replied before heading back to her room.

Bobby chuckled to himself as Sammy got himself some cereal for breakfast. Bobby then headed back to his desk and glanced toward where her room was, thinking back to when her mother was alive and the conversation he’d had with his brother-in-law when Maria had been conceived. He wondered if she had any idea what she really was and why her mother had been killed five years ago or if William had kept it a secret from her. These were all things he’d attempted to ask William about but he had always dodged the topic.

Dean came back in the house a couple hours later, tossing his knives in his bag, frustrated, “How does she do it, every damn time?” he grumbled.

Bobby chuckled quietly, not looking up from his book, “She’s different, kid.”

“She’s annoying is what she is,” he grumbled, sitting down on the couch.

“Go get some breakfast and quit your bellyaching,” he told Dean.

Dean rolled his eyes but didn’t argue. Sammy had been sitting on the other end of the couch, doing his best not to laugh at his brother for losing to a girl, yet again, as Bobby had been clear not to rub it in. Sammy went back to his schoolwork though, even if he was still grinning.

Maria came out of her room about a half hour later, the book she’d been reading and her journal in hand, “I’m done with my morning lessons Uncle Bobby,” she told him as she stood in front of his desk.

He looked up at her and took her books, “Did you want to say something to Dean first?” he asked.

She pursed her lips for a moment, “Yes,” she answered.

He nodded a bit, “Go do that and I’ll take a look at this before your quiz,” he told her.

Maria took a deep breath before she walked into the kitchen, seeing Dean sitting down at the table. She took note of his expression. He looked almost defeated but at the same time, he looked as though he had a deep determination in his eyes as he read the book in front of him. He’d always been hard for her to read since she’d met him since the challenges between them had started. She noticed how he could easily hide what he was really feeling or thinking about. He may have been annoying, but at the same time, she was impressed with him.

“Hey, Dean,” she said, a softness mixed with her confidence as she sat down across from him, “I wanted to tell you that you did really well earlier, with the knife throwing. I didn’t know it was something difficult to learn and my dad’s had me doing it for a couple years now,” she explained, sounding as genuine as she could. 

Dean was surprised at what she’d said, it only adding to her complexity and mystery, as well as him still finding her annoying, “Yeah, thanks,” he practically mumbled, keeping an expression to match.

She narrowed her eyes slightly and took a deep breath through her nose before she got up and walked back over to her Uncle’s desk, “I’m ready for my quiz.”

Bobby had heard what she’d said to Dean, and it had made him smile a bit. She had tried, and she was ten after all. In his mind, she’d said it fairly well for her age. He quizzed her on what she read, even trying to trip her up. If he ever had to admit it, he only tried to trip her up because he loved hearing her be able to correct him, having actually learned the material and not just skimmed over it to find the base parts of it all. He knew he didn’t say it enough, but he was beyond proud of her.

She took her books back to her room after the quiz, making sure her door was closed so she could read more of the book on Angels. Maria was completely fascinated by it and had no idea why she was drawn to the information. She’d never read anything on angels before, not even sure if they existed. Although, as her mind would argue, how could there be demons without angels, the world needing the duality, the balance? Maria knew she couldn’t ask any of the adults in her life, as they’d want to know where she’d heard of or learned the information from, as it wasn’t on any of her list of reading materials. She looked up from the book and sighed, then closed it and slid it back under her pillow.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 4

Tag List: @deans-spinster-witch @kazsrm67

Link to the master list for this story.

[fandoms-in-law]

To the Past Versions

Summary: Steve gets pushed to write letters to his past by Dustin, and then Robin when he isn't nice in the first. It does eventually help him.

Authors note: I am ever confused when words fall easily. I write constantly so it happens often enough, but if I have a prompt I expect to get stuck. Today I did not, happily so.

The idea for this fic: Dear self esteem* as a Steve fic except he's really just writing to memories, wondering when he stopped feeling like he could do anything/be anything

*A sanders sides fic I wrote a while back

/\/\

Attempt 1:

Hey Steve,

So Dustin has it in his head that we all need to write to the past to get mentally healthy or something, sounds like bullshit, which is what you are, so I picked you to write to.

You’re so wrapped up in yourself, you don’t even realise how much of an asshole you are. You Don’t treat Nancy right now, and barely get better after you sleep with her. You’re a complete jackass, who I and everyone I’ve basically ever met hates and that’s without knowing you most of the time.

Literally, I meet people I thought were complete strangers, or maybe classmates I never interacted with, and get told how horrible you are. That’s how bad you are. You’re worse than complete garbage and trust me, I’ve met men like that enough to know.

Get your head out of your ass, stop bullying people for no reason and fucking learn money solves basically nothing. It just lets you pretend the problem isn’t there until you run out of it.

Thanks for nothing, And better grovel for Nancy to help you learn to be better, you useless prick.

Steve.

Attempt 2:

So, somehow Robin found out about my first letter and got mad about it? She’s telling me to right to a past me that I actually like and seems set on doing so until she thinks I’m healthier. There were threats to show it to Dustin involved and I do not want to know how he’d react. He’s already acting oddly, along with the other kids since Robs found it. I think she spoke to them too.

Sorry for the ramble, Steve, hello.

You’ll meet Robin soon so don’t worry over having no clue who she is. The kids have already inserted themselves into your lives and I still agree that you’re better for it.

I think the first time I actually liked myself was because of those kids. For once I wasn’t a Harrington, or a basketball player; I was a guy who could help them, protect them in a way Nancy never let me feel like I had done. (We both know I was the one who won against that demogorgan not her or Jonathan though)

Times are shit for you outside of the kids though, but I miss those days. Even if Billy liked to lord over me that he was king now, it was nice to be in the background at school, and stand a chance of learning in lessons instead of Tommy yanking me into parties or rubbish that I never enjoyed. Heck I even enjoyed a few of the classes that year. Who knew I could be interested in that stuff?

Life gets better though, even if it comes looking like horrid situations sometimes. And the kids will be there nagging you through it all. I love those shitheads.

Keep going.

Steve.

Attempt 3:

Hey Steve,

Erica would have gotten involved regardless. It might be horrible that you and Robin were the ones to do it when she was so young, but I think it was better for her. This last time was the worst and I’m glad she wasn’t trying to understand it all without something to get out of it. You don’t have to carry that guilt forever. At least share some of it with Robin since she was the one who came up with the idea and acted before asking me or Dustin if it was sensible to try.

I wish you had done that ceremonial burning of the scoops outfit though. You and Robs joked about it so much in the weeks after the fire but here I am, with Eddie fucking Munson begging me to wear it again just so he can see the old uniform fully assembled.

Seriously, go burn it now whenever you don’t get a letter from the future appearing

Steve

Attempt 4:

Dear Steve,

Kiddo, you know these people you think are friends aren’t. I wouldn’t call the kids I look after kiddo but somehow it works for 13yr old me. Popularity isn’t friendship, it’s people pretending to like you because they think that’ll get them something; I wish you weren’t so desperate for friendship and connection you fell into it.

This is the last year I remember trying to stop someone insulting another person. You got called a bleeding heart for months and if you even grimace at the worst bullying happening around you Tommy or one of the other people hanging onto you would turn everything onto ‘bleeding heart Harrington’. The poker face you develop because of it still hasn’t been broken when Eddie decides everyone should play cards.

Steve, you have hell coming before you, and despite the monsters and location that matches that name better to most people, for you that is high school and being forced to the top all because you wanted friends. You get through it, you find monsters and discover what real friendship is after all of that. I think someone in history class said something about if you’re going through hell keep going and that’s what you need to do, what I did.

But, kid, still keep trying to be kind when you can. I know it feels precarious, dangerous, to have everyone looking at you and see the bullying they do to anyone shown to be human. I know how scared I felt that it’d turn on me if I refused any of those people I thought were friends too much, but you try, I tried, as much as I could for as long as I could, until I got here.

You’re going to be lonely for a while, Steve, but not forever, I promise you that.

I’ll see you in my reflection when I get stunned by my friends. They’ll find you eventually.

Steve

Attempt 5:

Dear Steve,

I dug out a picture to write this. One mom took just before leaving saying she’d get it developed so she could never forget her darling boy. Two promises broken at once because I found that camera, and the film still inside it a decade later, the picture still undeveloped until I asked Jonathan if he could.

Dustin was right when he read somewhere that writing to our past could help us feel better, but he was wrong too. He suggested times I could write to for stupid things or times following what he thinks are the big traumas, but those are easy. I knew more of the world then, but you’re just a kid, younger than Erica was when I got to know her and needing far more protection than I think she’s ever done.

If Robin had brought you into the back room of Scoops that day I might’ve done the most sensible thing ever and just driven out of Hawkins, you and Dustin packed into the back seat to try and figure out how to survive. Until Mrs Henderson took Dustin back because she loves him so much.

Sometimes it hurts to witness that, because of your year, 8yrs old and absolutely sure I was a big boy who could cope with a few nights home alone because mom wanted to go with father on a short trip. You shouldn’t have been, have needed to be, and for a long time I’ve been sad about that.

Mom and father were home last week and she found the picture, said she didn’t remember getting it developed. I didn’t correct her. Because you were lonely, scared, for so long, and now I’m mad.

I know you get through it, become the best cook to start taking home economics and almost kill yourself mixing cleaning products enough times you didn’t need chemistry class to tell you what makes poisonous gases. You get to become me eventually, but you shouldn’t have. I could never imagine leaving one of the kids I look after home alone in the way you were, and that’s on our parents. They failed you, even before now, but at 8 was the first time you wondered it. You didn’t need to correct yourself then although I know you did. Mom and father failed you.

We make it, and they will realise they’ve been strangers my whole life when they come home to emptied rooms, bills unpaid and no forwarding address. I move out next week to an apartment with friends.

You will have company again.

Steve

Attempt 6:

Your majesty, King Steve,

Eddie is pretty funny and I think I need his flavour of madness right now. Last time I tried to write to you I got mad, at myself more than at you. Then Robin both got mad and started paying attention to how she and everyone talks to me or about who I’ve been. She’s still mad but at herself and others now.

You aren’t good, Steve, but you weren’t as horrible as I began to think. I mean, even at what everyone thinks is my worst I went back to save Nancy. Robin pointed that out to me, sat down and dissected things I was sure I did at my worst, before Nance and I were officially dating.

Some things surprised her and I like knowing that I was a good friend, even to people who weren’t, because you are. You are there giving Carol pudding pots when Tommy ruins hers; there checking no one on the swim or basketball teams gets too hurt by teasing; there trying to make sure everyone claiming to be your friend has what they need.

Those aren’t things a bad person would do, just someone so caught up in protecting themself from the pain of loneliness and isolation that they compromise themself for company. Okay, Robin told me that too, but it tracks.

Most importantly, when I get the chance to be better, to know real connections, I take it. That’s pretty great of you.

Thanks Steve. You take the biggest step for us.

Attempt 7:

To Myself,

It’s been a long journey and I never thought I’d write to myself half so much as I have.

I’ve been popular, lonely, both at once, heartbroken, loved and to hell only to come out fighting. Concussions are far too familiar a sensation and I could probably make do living in the woods with the ways I learnt to cook.

Life is a trip and apparently I don’t get a choice about living it. But in all the letters to our past I’ve written there’s one thing I realised I’ve wanted someone to tell me for years and that’s that it’s okay to mess up. It’s okay if I wasn’t always the nicest person, or that I’m not smart, hardly perfect and have very little will to fight for myself or against other people. I don’t need to be perfect because with the right people we can make a wonderful imperfect family.

To us, Steve. To being myself, as best I know how.

[melanieph321]

Dusan Vlahovic x Reader - Boss Me Around Part 2/6

Ugh, he looks so good 😮‍💨

Reader is a former yacht girl now newly moved to Turin, Italy for her job as a real-estate accountant. There she meets Dusan Vlahovic, a former client of hers, a client she never thought to see again. However, with Dusan being Readers new boss their past becomes a liability. Nevertheless the spark between them still lives. This story is a romcom with both His and Her POV!

Enjoy!

You barley had time time to settle into your new neighborhood in Turin, let alone your new apartment, before your first day at work. You were called into the office upon the same week as your arrival, with your boss eager to meet his new accountant.

"Mr Vlahovic is just finishing up a phone call with Japan. He will be with you in a minute." The lady at the front desk said. "Would you like some water while you wait?"

"No thanks, I'm good."

"Then please Miss Y/L/N, feel free to have a seat."

It was funny the way she frased that last sentence. You wanted nothing more than to be able to take a seat, or have a glass of water, however the pencil skirt you had bought in a rush did not fit you the way you wanted. It was too tight. One splash of water would make you look bloated and attempting to take a seat might split the fabric, revealing the fact that you wore no underwear to even fit into the skirt. Although the skirt went well with the rest of your attire, you had learned your lesson not to buy designer clothes without trying them on first. The measurements simply didn't match the ones in regular stores.

"Miss Y/L/N?" The lady at the front desk called.

You perked up.

"Mr Vlahovic is ready for you now."

Your heels clicked beneath you as you made your way down a long hallway lit up by the lights from the windows outside. It was a small office building remotely located from downtown Turin. To get to the office you had to either take the bus or ride another vehicle, like a bike. By foot it might be too difficult, specially if you preferred wearing heels to work, since the office building was located on top of a street hill.

You stopped in front of the glass door with a plaque on it that said D.V. da Boss. Through the windows you spotted him, a tall man with short cut hair, overseeing a stack of papers scattered across his desk. You knocked on the door not knowing what to expect, however you knew that your boss was fairly young for his attained position.

"Come in!" He called, without raising his head to look at you. He remained standing next to his desk, looking to ponder over the piece of paper in his hand. "You arrived just in time." He mumbled. "I'm trying to finalize my next project but I just can't seem to get the numbers..."

The man had gone to lower the paper that blocked his view of you, he then froze, eyes wide in suprise.

"You?" He said.

"Me?" You repeated, not really sure how to react to a man, fairly young and handsome, who's eyes wandered freely upon your frame.

"I..." He seemed lost for words. But clearly he recognized you from somwhere, but how, you wondered. You had never stepped foot in Italy before let alone Turin of all places.

"I didn't know that I would see you again." He said,  the first sentence he was able to form, having stopped staring at you with such baffled eyes.

And then it hit you, his voice, that smile, those baffled eyes.

"Fuck me."

********************************************

Dusan tried to keep his cool, but ultimately failed to as the memories came flowing back. Summer in Miami. His two week vacation had been necessary but ultimately too dull for his liking. That was, until he met her. "Y/N."

"Yes?"

She answered him, hands clasped together before her, a sign of nervousness. He was making her nervous.

"Wait" He thought aloud. His new employee that he was supposed to meet today was also named Y/N. But it couldn't be, she couldn't be.

"You're here....this is such a..." There were no words to describe the internal shock that he was feeling. The girl of his dreams, the one he thought to have left behind in Miami, was now standing before him, looking incredible in her tightly fitted skirt. Fuck. Dusan lifted his gaze, knowing that she must have caught him staring.

"Ciao, ciao!"

Just then his assistant Louisa entered the room, making the situation less awkward than it already was.

"I see you've met your newest employee Dusan." She smiled at him, having previously told him about the great candidate that she had selected out of all the applications. Little did he know that Y/N had been amongst those applicants.

"Y/N got here last week." His assistant said. "She's staying in downtown Turin by the condos you bought last year. I hope you're settling in well dear, you can always call us if you need anything." She said, turning to Y/N.

"Thank you, but I'm all good." She bowed her head with courtesy. Something that caused a stirr beneath Dusan's bowels, a stirr he had to gained absolute control of if he wanted to come out of this situation alive.

"Y/N, has come a long way from America. I think we owe our newest employee a tour of the city, don't you think Dusan?"

"Um, I might be busy." He mumbled.

"Too busy to show the poor girl around town?"

Dusan felt heat rise to his cheeks as Y/N eyes looked to him. "I've got work." He coughed, feeling himself spiral out of control right then and there.

"Don't worry." His assistant said, patting Y/N on the back, leading her out of his office. I'll give you a quick tour of the city myself, let's start with your new office shall we?"

Dusan was left alone as the two women strutted out of the room. He fell back in his desk chair, spinning it around to face the windows. He rushed to open them, as well as the top buttons of his shirt. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It was cut too short by his barber. He was very displeased. "How the fuck am I going to fix this?" He thought to himself. Because it had been a mistake hiring Y/N. The memories of last summer, how the two had met and the things they had done together. It could ruin him. He had to get rid of her, if so God help him.

[mega-pixie-dream-girl]

Making Space - Part II

1990

❣ I am still very new at writing these! I know I am long-winded... I could probably edit even more and make small moment high-intensity fics, but this is sort of my style ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and I have decided to make this story more of a chap book. Note: I leave some details in brackets when I don't want to associate a real name/place/thing, fill it in madlibs style ❣

Pairing: Dave Mustaine x f!reader

Summary: Y/n is a musician--well, sort of. She is getting back into it when she meets Dave who has a practice space she can use. She wasn't looking for a muse... just a spark to ignite her creative passions. But falling for another musician is like playing with fire–falling for the frontman of Megadeth, that's like playing with an a-bomb.

𝓦𝓐𝓡𝓝𝓘𝓝𝓖𝓢: power dynamic/mentorship, size, fluff, smut, angst

read Part I here

.・。♪.・゜✧・.♬・☆・゜・。. • ✧ ♪ . ° .• °:.♬ *₊ ° . ✧.・。♪.・゜✧

I drank more that weekend than I had drank in a month–which wasn’t hard since I didn’t really drink much. I had gone back to the Diamond Saloon Saturday and Sunday, hoping I might run into Dave. No such luck. Monday–my first day with my rehearsal hours in Dave’s practice room–came and went, the little folded up envelope of cash I brought to pay him feeling heavier in my pocket knowing I still had not seen him again since that night he disappeared to talk to some record exec right before we almost got drinks together. Ugh. Was I torturing myself? Perhaps setting myself up to be the character in an old sci-fi mystery show where every time I was close to getting to know him, something cataclysmic would get in the way? 

But Tuesday would be 1 week since we met at Diamond Saloon–surely he would be there again–but… he had another show tonight so maybe not. I could go see him play… but maybe he was already over it, over me.

The night was mine and I wore my favorite mini dress. There was no way I was going to be caught dead chasing a guy who had left me outside a venue like a half-empty bottle put down and forgotten. I went to the bar down the block from where he was playing to preserve my dignity. 

Sitting at the bar I felt like I was still in transit, like I hadn’t arrived, the emptiness of something missing I tried to quell, perhaps the bar will pick up in half an hour, or maybe it’s the wrong night–but deep down I knew I was waiting for someone who wasn’t there. My heart sank as I walked past heads that turned, none his, even though I knew he wouldn’t be here if he was playing down the block. It was like the night was slipping out of my grasp.

I sought the liveliness of the night I had dreamt up, relying on a change of scenery to fill in where my own lack of chatter failed. Changing bars, once, twice, I found myself at the diner, chicken soup at 2am. I had a habit of turning every page of the book-like menu even when I knew what I wanted and the waitress knew too. The noodles and salty broth felt like a hug, my own little place as other patrons laughed with friends.

"...Well, if Junior here hadn’t helped that old lady with her bags, she wouldn’t have stolen his wallet, and if she hadn’t stolen his wallet, we would have been able to replace the drum kit. I guess we just won’t be playing there for a while…"

It was fate.

I heard their footsteps get louder.

"Alright. Alright. Just fuck karma, right? It’s totally my fault Nick was drunk, missed his most important entrance, and broke the kick…" Junior responded annoyed.

They kept walking, except for one. Dave paused.

"Hey." His tone was suddenly softer. The rest of the band scooted into a booth.

"Oh, hey."

"Um… The other night–I–"

"It’s fine. Whatever."

"No–um… Sorry…" He said, looking down. "Can I make it up to you? I’m not [Jazz Guitarist], but maybe I could give you a lesson? We could go back to the studio–we could go now–" He said, lips parted, "if you want…"

"I was actually planning on heading out–"

"I can drive you back after?"

I paused. I wanted so badly to be aloof, to not betray my pride, but his red lips were frozen slightly apart as if waiting for me, for the smoke of my coquettish veil to lift. Imagining feeling them on mine I felt my own lips tingle, if only he would pull me close to him now. His eyes narrowed slightly as if he could already read the subtext of my heart between the lines of my mind. The night was mine again. I nodded in agreement. He held out his hand to steady me as I left the booth I was in.

"How was the show?" I asked as we walked toward the rehearsal space.

"Terrible."

"Why? What happened?"

"Everything."

"It couldn’t have been that bad."

"Just… everything was just… off."

I wanted to cup his cheek and tell him not to worry.

"You just need to clone yourself and master each instrument."

He smiled at my joke. "Sure… 4 drunk assholes instead of 1 drunk asshole and 3 drunk dumb asses… Totally would solve it." He mused back.

When we got up to the rehearsal room it felt different–the string lights glowed in the dim room with only another lamp on in the corner alight. Dave made an effort to kick aside more of the beer cans that had accumulated, brushing away the soot of an ashtray too small to contain its usage. To my surprise, he pushed aside the stool too. Shuffling through the shelf of gear and oddities, he pulled out a woven blanket and some pillows and placed them on the ground picnic style. He set up 2 guitars, placing them down on either side of the blanket.

"Do you want a beer?"

"Sure."

Hand me a cold can of beer from the faux wood-grain mini fridge that closed with a clap.

We sat down on the blanket, facing each other, each taking a guitar into our laps. His magnetic eyes were soft but firm and like his hair, they lit up almost golden in the dim, warm light. It felt as if he was looking at me with x-ray vision and I felt my heat wet in the silence as his eyes calmly raked over my body. My heart felt almost at peace, finally having his undivided attention. I felt twisted up inside, wanting to learn from him but also wanting to move in closer to his toned body and take the guitar out of his arms so they would be free to embrace me.

"Can we work on [song name]?" I asked.

"Sure." He nodded.

He showed me some of the riffs, then played the chords so I could practice over them in time, keeping his eyes on me, as if his hands were someone else’s or his mind completely split from them to let his sultry, piercing gaze stay on me as he played. I kept looking down at the fretboard to make sure my fingers were in the right places. 

Losing track of time, the only eon that mattered was the length of this song, the repetition as we felt out each riff along the fretboard, each breath subtly punctuating the articulation of the notes, his slowly curling smile making our steady rhythm feel faster as it mixed with my heartbeat. 

We didn’t need to talk to know what was next–I plugged into his movements, copying his own and when I played it right he went faster, then he moved to the next one, then we connected them. Maybe it was his talent as a guitarist–how intimately he knew the instrument–but I felt like he was learning me instead, becoming in tune with my movements as he coached my fingers, pushing me harder just enough to get me to the edge of losing it before I reached the satisfying peak of playing each riff correctly over and over.

When we came to the end of the song, Dave sipped his beer. "You play pretty well." He complimented.

"Thanks, you're a good teacher."

"I’m actually impressed. You’re good." He set his guitar down and looked at me, leaning slightly against a crate behind him. "How old are you?"

"24."

"You’re young." He smiled, tilting his head a bit. "Are you a vocalist, or just play guitar?" 

"Both." I answered, nonchalantly.

"Looks like we have something in common then." He smirked, before picking up his guitar again. "I’d like to hear ya. Can you play your favorite song?"

I think for a moment, I felt a pang of nerves and excitement–I'm actually a great vocalist, I just really want to be better at guitar. This is my chance to actually impress him. "Um…" I nodded and started playing and singing. I started with my favorite bossa nova song, playing the chords and starting to sing, my voice like cool rain cutting through the warm hum of amps and the growing tension between us. He jumped in accompanying me on guitar, jamming along, his chin leaning slightly closer as he listened intently. Then I gave a bit of a curveball, switching into a rock song. He followed, my vocals now switching from mellow bossa nova jazz to soulful rock.

I couldn’t help but glow as his eyes gave away his subtle amazement, not once looking away. His fingers moved with ease, picking up the chords by ear and filling in with little riffs. 

"Damn, you have a hell of a voice, sweetheart."

I grinned, enjoying my moment to show off, but his attention was almost too much.

Smiling, he chuckled a bit, his guitar still in his lap. "Why the bashfulness,? You’re amazing."

"Thanks... I-I guess I haven't sung in front of someone I know in a while."

He gazed at me so warmly, his smile radiating from his eyes most of all. "Oh yeah? Who was the last person you sang to?"

I paused. I didn’t really want to think about it–about my ex. "Just someone I knew…" 

A glint of curiosity sparked in his eyes. "Your voice is beautiful. I’m surprised you’re not in some well-known girl band or something. Also… you are very confident… but nervous at the same time… Do I make you nervous, sweetheart?"

I felt like I could sing in front of him forever. "I–no–it's just–"

He smirked as I stumbled over my words, giving little else away on his face.

"I think you're really talented." I say, avoiding admitting my crush on him.

He didn’t buy it. 

"Your turn. Will you sing something for me?" I tried to pivot the conversation. 

He seemed a little surprised at first. "Yeah, of course. Any requests?"

"Your favorite song."

I already knew he sings well, but his normally rough-around-the-edges voice was smoother than usual, sultry, taking over the whole room. His hands moved over the chords, every note articulated perfectly yet so relaxed. It was a passionate song, clearly a love song–a softer song from a harder band–but something about the way he looked at me, combined with the lyrics, made it feel like it was meant for me.

"Not what I would have guessed" I muse.

He chuckled. "No? What did you expect me to sing? Something more heavy metal?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. But you are really good at this too."

"I have range, too, you know." 

For a brief moment, his gaze flickered down to my lips before returning to my gaze. His eyes searched mine, almost as if he was looking at me with hunger, as if he was restraining himself, gulping as if to swallow his desires, keeping his demeanor composed. I felt like I was winning a week-long game of tug-of-war.

"It’s getting late." I say, desperate for his next move as his gaze seemed like it could hold me for eternity.

"Yeah… it is." He said his jaw shifting a bit.

Reaching out he brushed a stray hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear, just grazing my skin. "Are you sure you wanna go home?"

I knew that I could ask him to teach me more, but the temperature in the room had risen with the electrifying current between us.

He continued to lightly stroke my hair tucked behind my ear.

"I think I need to get home." I finally said, still feeling a bit slighted from the other night. "Maybe I can see you again?"

He swallowed, a flicker of disappointment going through his eyes, simply nodding and withdrawing his hand from my face.

"Of course, Sweetheart." He said, forcing a smile, "Anytime you want."

As we left the studio we were greeted by the damp early morning air on the deserted street, quiet and still. It must have been nearly 4am–a light drizzle raining on our skin and wetting the streets so that even the cars a few blocks away sounded like velcro pulling apart as they drove. Dave walked alongside me, but the connection we had while playing felt like it was worlds away. I reached out and held his hand as we walked, interlacing my fingers with his. He immediately gave my hand a gentle squeeze in response, as if silently communicating that he was still there, still thinking about me, in spite of walking in a sort of quiet awkward silence a few blocks towards his car. 

The rain started to get a bit heavier. My breath did too, as he started to rub my hand gently with his thumb. Lightning flashed above us and with a clap of thunder it started to pour.

Dave swore under his breath and looked up, realizing there was no way to avoid the downpour. He stopped, gently pulling me closer to him until I was nearly pressed up against his body. Eyeing a shop awning, he moved quickly, pulling us under the awning to get out of the heavy rain and turning his body to shield me from the brunt of the storm as best he could. He was pretty soaked now, his long hair sticking to his face and shoulders, his arms on either side of my head, effectively pinning me in place. 

His back breaking the pummeling rain, his white t-shirt began to become more transparent clinging to his toned body, emphasizing the muscles beneath the thin, damp fabric as his chest rose and fell as he caught his breath. He glanced over his shoulder at the rain as it came down in sheets before his eyes returned, lingering on my wet face. I felt the heat rise within me, my heart pounding against my chest. I let my gaze fall to his perfect red lips, his muscular frame keeping me safe from the storm.

Every breath as his eyes enjoyed me between the wall and his chiseled form felt like a flash of lightning, illuminating the lust behind his dark gaze. He leaned in a little closer, "Sweetheart…" he whispered, closing the space between us so that our noses almost brushed, his voice was low, filled with a hint of huskiness, and a gentle fondness. "You look beautiful…" he murmured, much softer than the man I had first heard walk into the diner tonight.

Our bodies arching together, he closed the gap between us, his lips capturing mine bringing an overwhelming flush to my face as his hand began to gently trace up my arm, bringing his electric touch up the side of my heated cheeks, fingers tangling into my hair. He kissed me like he’d been yearning for the past 20 hours all at once, his body pressing against me like I might disappear if he didn’t hold onto the moment. He let out a small exhale as I hooked my fingers through his belt loops, pulling his body tighter against mine, his hips instinctually leaning into my touch and pinning me against the wall completely. His touch was firm yet so gentle all at once as he slid his hand down, brushing the side of my breast and coming to rest on my hip, leaving a trail of fire on my skin.

The kiss slowly became softer and gentler, his hand wandering from my hip down my leg. But slowly, his hand started to move to the underside of my dress, fingers tracing up the skin of my thigh with a feather-light touch.

My breath hitched in our kiss as he started to trace the edge of my lace panties before slipping his finger between the fabric and my heat.

"Sensitive." He chuckled, taking in the image of my pleading eyes. He took his time, slowly exploring the contours of my intimate parts. I couldn’t help but grind into his touch, arching my back as his muscular torso stayed firm against me. His gaze drank me in with a look of both affection and heated desire as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in closer.

"Impatient, darling?" He teased, his brows raising a bit.

"Like I said, you’re talented." I replied breathily, knowing he saw through it the first time. He huffed out a soft laugh, his hand on my back rubbing in a gentle circle. He grinned, his eyes sparkling with a combination of amusement and affection.

The sound of rain began to soften and the small amount of pelting on the awning slowly came to a pitter-patter. It was as if the world had hushed to a near-silent still. He took a moment to look around.

"Looks like the storm's passing." He hummed. He hadn't moved any further away, his hand still on my back while the other continued to tease and explore. "Don't suppose you want to forget about that going home part, hmm?"

.・。♪.・゜✧・.♬・☆・゜・。. • ✧ ♪ . ° .• °:.♬ *₊ ° . ✧.・。♪.・゜✧

...to be continued... read Part I here

[lycemagee]

Are you lost? Are you hungry? Are you Thirsty? Don't worry about it my love. Here we are building the perfect world without agony, pain and despair. Just give me your heart in return.

Oke I had it in mind I couldn't stop thinking about it lol. So some brainstorming!

- Florence, Alfons and Roger grew up in a cult, because of their "blessings" they were planned to be the next heads of their cult, who would change the world

- they were put into much pressure, lessons for their "spirituality". They were 'cleansed' of the mistakes they had made by means of physical torture.

- growing up together they were really close, but Alfons developed in his early stage of childhood consciousness, that their suffering is not justified and questioned the existence of a "perfect" world ("If the perfect world has no pain, no suffering and no despair, why do we have to endure this?")

- on their twelfth birthday (even tho Roger was older than them, the cult declared that they would be the same age with the same birthday) Florence had the idea to steal three rings and gifted them to Alfons and Roger. So that they would always be connected.

- on the same evening Roger found a way to escape and Alfons, who was with him, was against it. Roger and Alfons often talked about the outside world together and what they would do with their freedom, so Alfons felt inclined to leave, but still wasn't sure, looking at the ring on his finger, that was too big for him. Roger knew the only thing, that held him off was Florence and even Roger felt conflicted just leaving her behind. But he was positive, that he would get her later, but pressured Alfons, if he still wanted to see them suffer everyday. With hesitation he denied and Roger promised him to come back and get Florence too.

- in the end they were picked up from the police after they reached a little city, but weren't listening to them, as they told them they live nearby in a little village

- as a reaction of the disappearance of Alfons and Roger the Village moved in fear of outsiders and the authorities, that when the Police got active after some weeks they disappeared.

- "You promised, we would get her. You promised it! But you betrayed her!"

"WE betrayed her Alfons! You were as desperate to leave and ending the days being in a cage. At least we are free right?"

- Alfons never forgave Roger and resented him

- Roger got adopted by a rich family and grew up in wealth and became a doctor

- Alfons lived in a foster family, where he met Elbert the first time

- when Florence heard, that Roger and Alfons disappeared she couldn't believe it and the other members punished her even harder, to make sure she would not make the same "mistake"

- 15 years went by and Alfons lived with Elbert, living life casually and enjoying the nightlife. To his distaste he figured out that Roger is living nearby and works as a doctor Alfons visited, much to his distaste and has now more contact with him. He also befriended a curious man with the name of Liam, but suddenly he disappeared and his Flatmate Harrison asked Alfons about his whereabouts.

- at some point when Alfons visited his regular Café he met a person who resembled a girl he sometimes dreamed about. She came closer to him, sitting next to him, her eyes were empty and dull, her smile cold.

"Hello Alfons. How are you doing? It's been a while."

He saw the ring she was wearing and he frowned. He knew the person in front of him was not the same. He could feel her calculating gaze on him and put his mask up, smiling politely to her. They were talking superficially, he felt something was off, the way she behaved, she talked. She didn't mention the cult on time. Suddenly she stood up wanting to leave and looked almost bitterly at Alfons.

"First I resented you for leaving me all alone. But I forgave you. Because I love you. So please come with me.", she held her hand to Alfons, who was surprised but realised quickly that all her words were hollow. He declined and when she left he saw Liam outside in a car.

[mlove44lh]

For a lifetime part I - En/USA Version

part II here

warnings: +18. Childhood friends to lovers, angst, smut, fluff, original character. 

Words: 9.033

Summary: Lewis and Angie met in their childhood and after a short time they were already inseparable, the relationship escalated and soon they became more than friends. But life happened to both and they ended up following different paths. Nine years later they meet again. Is all that love really gone? 

Notes: English is not my first language. I did my best with the translation, but I know there are going to be many mistakes in the writing.

I decided to translate this fanfiction because I'm completely in love with these two, and I want this story to reach more people. Comments are always welcome. Hope you like it. 

Some events are out of chronological order.

June 2002

-Mom, please, I can study at home. I promise to do better on the next tests. -I try one last time to convince her that I do not need this class. But I realize it will be in vain as I look at his usual impassive frown.

-No. None of that, I promised your father that you would take at least one class, and he paid a lot of money for that. Don't belittle your father like that, Angie. -My mom looked straight ahead cautiously on the road, even when there weren't any cars but her old Bentley. I still looked at her with the slightest bit of hope.

-Please, he'll never know I didn't come.

She looked at me in disbelief.

-No, but I'll know. Now come on, I don't have all day, I'm already late.

-All this because of a C. -I said to myself as I finally got out of the car. 

-You can complain to your father tonight if you want, but I did my part. -I watched as she accelerated and left the parking lot, I thought about leaving, going to the park that I saw from the passenger seat a few blocks away, and spending the next three and a half hours doing nothing, but I was already there, and the heat was almost unbearable, so I decided to go inside and watch the review lesson I don't need.

Barely 30 minutes had passed and I couldn't take it anymore, I took minimal notes and tirelessly looked at the clock in search of redemption. I was looking outside the building when I heard the door being open.

-I'm so sorry teacher, I lost the track of time, I was racing and when I saw it, it was already two o'clock, please forgive me. -The boy was out of breath, putting words on top of words and begging for the teacher's forgiveness, it was almost impossible not to find the situation funny. The teacher in turn didn't give a damn, asked the boy to calm down, and invited him to sit down and pay attention in class.

The boy came towards me and for a moment I thought he was going to talk to me, but he just waved and sat down on the bench next to me, which was the only empty one in the room. The rest of the class passed in absolute silence, except for the teacher's voice and the sound of birds outside. From time to time I felt the boy restless, writing down unneeded things and trying to look at my notes. His nervousness started to make me nervous too.

-For the love of God, calm down. After class, I can help you with your notes, but please be quiet. You're making me nervous. 

The boy smiled shyly at me, I could see the small gap between his front teeth and I thought it was adorable, he seemed like a nice person.

The class ended and as promised, I explained the content he had missed and helped him with his notes.

-You don't seem to have any difficulty with this topic. -He said as he finished writing. There was no one else in the room, the class had already ended at least 15 minutes ago. I know my mom is waiting for me in the parking lot but I don't mind keeping her waiting while I talk to him.

-I don't. My father is very strict with my education. I got a C in literature and he decided I needed tutoring. 

-Oh, I see. Not a good way to spend a Saturday afternoon, but at least you're smart. 

-Are you kidding? I love this place. I begged him to put me in this class, I couldn't think of a better way to spend my Saturday. - I say jokingly. Our laughter echoed through the room. -And you? Do you also like to spend your Saturdays in a tutoring class?

-Nah. I came because I had to, I'm not showing up to classes as I should, so they made me come. But I won't need that. -He gestures to his notebook. -My father and I are working hard for me to be a formula 1 driver someday.

-And how is this going? -There was no superiority in his speech, only hope and excitement.

-Very good. -His smile was gigantic. -Very well indeed. I can't wait to finish high school and race all over the world. 

-Great. hope everything works out for you...-I gestured for him to tell me his name, which only then I realized I still didn't know.

-Lewis Hamilton.

-Lewis Hamilton. - I repeated to myself. -Nice to meet you. I'm Angie Woods.

November 2002

I could barely keep still, I was so excited, finally, I would see him racing in person. 

I was in front of my house, waiting for the car that would come to pick me up. Lewis told me that his father would come by at 10 am to pick me up from home and then we would drive to the circuit where the last race of the karting season was taking place, where Lewis was doing exceptionally well. 

Since we met months ago, we haven't let go of each other, Lewis ended up becoming a great friend to me, we see each other almost every day and he had already promised me that he would take me to a race a long time ago.

During these months of friendship, Lewis teaches me everything about Formula 1 and motorsport. I fell in love with the sport, we haven't lost a race since. 

It didn't take me long to see the car coming to the entrance of my house, I ran inside and hoped my parents didn't see it, they had already made their displeasure with my new friendship clear. So I decided not to tell where I was going that morning.

I met his father, his stepmother, and his brother, Nicholas. Everyone welcomed me more than well, and in a short time I already felt almost like part of their family.

❀

I was almost voiceless from cheering for Lewis. His family and I were in the front row of the audience watching Lewis' every move. He was exceptional as a driver, even with older drivers on the grid and with a not-so-good car, he stood out a lot. I could then understand that there was no understatement in his father's speech when he said that Lewis would become a great Formula 1 champion. It was just a matter of time.

I was behind his family when he got out of the car, Lewis ran to his father and stepmother and hugged them, he had won another race, consequently becoming the best driver in his category, and the youngest to achieve this accomplishment. After hugging his family, Lewis jogged to me, I was close to being emotional, I was so happy for him. I hugged him back and we stayed like that for a good few seconds, his arms made me feel like I'd never felt in my life.

After the race we went to his house, it was getting dark but none of us wanted the day to be over. Lewis's father ordered pizza and we all ate together. Anthony, his father, told me all about Lewis's passion for motorsport and all the difficulties they had faced so far. I paid attention to every word and could only imagine the difficulties they had.

Anthony insisted on dropping me off at my place, it was already dark and the night was much colder than usual, so I made no objections, thanked him for the day, and said goodbye to his family. 

Before leaving, Lewis ran down the stairs to me, I was ready to go meet his father, who was already waiting for me outside the house.

-Wait a second. I bought you something. 

Lewis handed me a box, I opened it and found a delicate golden necklace, it had a pendant of a small "A". It was beautiful, I almost didn't react because I didn't expect such a gesture from him.

-I saw it in a store and I couldn't leave without buying it for you. There was silver too but I like your skin better with gold. 

Lewis looked at me shyly, just like he looked at me in the first conversation we had months ago.

-It's beautiful, Lew. Thank you so much, I loved it. -I took the necklace out of the box and give it to him to put on me.

I pulled my hair up and waited for him to put the necklace on me, his hand passing lightly over my neck managed to make my skin shiver, I hoped that it had gone unnoticed by him. As soon as he closed the necklace I turned forward and hugged him.

-I'll never take it off. -I said low, in the middle of the hug, just for him to hear, as if we weren't alone in the room. 

-I'm glad you liked it.

I pulled away from the hug and kissed his cheek, close enough to his mouth to make me blush with embarrassment, I said goodbye with a low "see you later" and left the house, going to meet his father, who was already waiting for me inside the car. 

I walked away from his house seeing Lewis at the door watching as the car pulled away.

February 2003

-Lewis, this is not going to work. I better give up. Anyway, you can be my personal driver. -I said pulling the handbrake and turning off the car.

-None of that, come on, I said I was going to teach you how to drive and that's what we're going to do today.

-I changed my mind, I'm going to cancel the test. Look, I'm shaking and I haven't even walked 20 meters. -I was actually shaking, seeing people driving makes it look easy but in reality, it is far from it.

-Angie. -Lewis took his hand from his lap and placed it on top of mine, which was resting on the gearshift of his dad's Chevrolet. Physical contact with us is nothing new, and I can no longer imagine my life without his friendship. -Calm down, you'll make it, I'll teach you how to drive and you'll pass this test.

I sighed in defeat, I want that so much, and I have to take advantage of Lewis' free time and his kindness to teach me. 

I started the car and released the handbrake. 

-You know what to do. Step on the clutch and engage first gear. -I thanked the universe for Lewis being the calmest person I know, if it was any of my parents here I would already be crying. I did as he said. -Now release the clutch and accelerate slowly.

-That's the problem, Lew. 

-Come on, after a while, this will be automatic for you. 

I started to drive the car and this time it was better than the last, little by little I gained confidence and saw that it wasn't such a big deal. By the end of the day, I was able to stay calm and drive a few miles without freaking out.

❀

I thanked her for the ride and jumped out of my mother's car, barely able to contain my smile. I run to the front door of the house that became my second home, rang the bell, and waited patiently until the door opened. Luckily it was Lewis on the other side of the door. 

-So? How it was? Did you pass? - His eyes were bigger than usual and he looked at me with a lot of curiosity.

I tried to keep my face serious for some suspense but I couldn't hold it for a second.

-Yes! Officially qualified. -I showed him my newest driver's license. Lewis pulled me into a long hug. -Thanks Lew, I couldn't have done it without you.

-Yes, you would. I knew you would do fine. -He pulled away from the hug and looked at me with affection. -Now I have someone to take me to the next race.

October 2003

-Are you sure I can go to this party? 

Our hands were intertwined, which is new, but I have nothing to complain about it. 

-Of course Ang, it's a party of a friend from school but it's not exclusive to those who study there, relax.

I could already hear the loud music coming from the house at the end of the street, I didn't know if I was shivering from the cold or anxiety. Maybe I shouldn't have chosen such a short dress for an evening party. It's my first time at a party this big, and Lewis looks as relaxed as ever.

-Angie, I can hear your thoughts from here. -Lewis chuckled and squeezed his hand in mine. -It's just a party, and if you don't like it, we can leave whenever you want, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. And I will always be around.

-Okay then. -Lewis is the only person who can calm me down with so little. 

We entered the house, which was already full, and Lewis soon found his friends from school. He introduced me to everyone and I didn't take long to make friends, which was good, I didn't wanna hang around Lewis all night without letting him have fun with his friends. There was a lot of booze and I had one or two, I've been drinking alcohol for a while now, so I wasn't even close to drunk. Lewis came to check on me from time to time.

After some time talking and drinking I went up to the second floor to use the bathroom. The floor was empty, with all the doors closed except for one at the end of the hall. I thought I heard Lewis's voice coming from there so I went to the door and opened it all the way to enter. He was there, it was a room without any furniture, Lewis was leaning against the balcony, with his phone on his ear.

-Okay. Don't worry, I'll take care of everything at home. Alright, see you Sunday then dad. Bye.

Lewis hung up the phone and turned into the room, he didn't look surprised to see me standing by the door. 

-Is everything okay?

I asked as I entered the room for good, I pushed the door but it didn't close completely. Lewis called me over and I went to him. He wrapped an arm around my neck and pulled me closer. 

-Yes. My dad, Linda, and Nicholas are going to Linda's parent's house for the weekend so I have the whole house to myself now.

-That’s good. -My head was leaning on his chest and I had my eyes closed. Lewis's hand came to my chin and lifted my face, placing it just inches from his. Lewis sealed our lips calmly, and it didn't take long to deepen the kiss. It's not the first time that this happened, we've kissed before, but never like this. This time it's like there's something behind it like it's for real this time. And it's really, really good.

Soon I wrapped my arms around his neck and Lewis placed his hands on my waist, giving the area a light squeeze.

We kissed for a long time, and when I opened my eyes, I had to get used to the clarity coming from the street again.

Lewis hugged me and I felt like I could stay there forever.

-Are you going to crash at my place today?

I froze in his arms and hoped he hadn't noticed. I've slept over at Lewis's several times before, but I know what this question means right now. I know that Lewis has had some experience before, and I also know that I want to have my first time with him. But even though, it's impossible not to feel nervous.

-You know that nothing will happen if you are not 100% prepared for it, Angie. 

-I know. 

-And we don't even need to do anything, I just think you should sleep there because you told your parents you'd sleep at Annie's today and if you get home at one in the morning they won't like it one bit. 

I smiled at his concern and nodded, still hugging him.

-It’s okay. I do want to sleep there anyway.

After that conversation we were absorbed in something else, so we didn't take much longer to leave the party.

Lewis' house was just a few blocks away, so we walked back together. We exchanged a few words now and then but I was too anxious to have any type of conversation.

❀

Lewis is lying next to me. I am nervous. I'm not naive, I know what's about to happen, we've talked about it before and I feel ready. But as much as I'm nervous I'm also very sure about it. I feel safe and desired by his side. I feel that now is the time and I don't want to wait for another second. But even though, I think fear is normal.

-Are you okay? -Lewis was leaning on his arm, facing me. 

I was laying down, looking up. I nodded and moved my head to see him, he was very close to me. The room was dark but the moonlight outside was more than enough for me to see it perfectly. He looked beautiful, traces of the agitated evening at the party were on his skin that glowed even in the slightest light, he looked happy, he didn't seem to want to be anywhere else.

Lewis approached and sealed our lips very calmly. It didn't take long for me to try to deepen the kiss, which was immediately consented with a small laugh from him. Kissing has become my favorite thing to do with him, not that I have a lot of experience but his kiss is amazing.

The kiss was getting deeper and deeper, I was restless, searching for more, Lewis on the other hand was completely calm, and in no hurry at all. Eventually and finally his hand that wasn't supporting his head left his lap and found my waist, squeezing the place and bringing me closer to him, then moving down and going to my ass, where he stayed for a few moments.

I was hot, and I could feel my heart beating in my throat, I was nervous but more than right about my decision. I felt my intimacy hot and wet, I wanted him to touch me but I didn't know how I could ask for that. He was kissing me like never before, there was something else there that had never been explored inside of me.

-Angie. -Lewis cut the kiss and left his lips millimeters from mine, he was a little breathless and I think as nervous as I was. I looked at him and waited for the continuation, I wanted him to speak soon because I wanted to go back to kiss him. -Can I touch you?

My heart jumped, what I wanted was finally going to happen, and with the right person, the person who showed me what love is when I didn't even know it was possible to feel that kind of thing. I nodded at him. 

- Honey, I need to hear you say. 

-Yes Lewis. Please touch me

He didn't take long to put his hands between my legs, always very calmly and carefully. My dress was short so it had already gone up and the fabric rested on my belly. Lewis put my panties aside and I was exposed to him. 

-Let me know if you want me to stop, okay? 

-Okay.

Lewis touched me, it was like an electric current went through my whole body, I didn't know I wanted that contact so much until I had it. Both I and Lewis sighed. I leaned in and brought our lips together again. Now the kiss was awkward and almost disjointed, as our attentions were somewhere else. I wanted to be able to touch him too, but I could barely think about how I would do it. I had to keep myself from moaning and begging him to go faster. Lewis fingered my clit patiently, even with me rubbing in his hand he kept the same rhythm. I could feel him smiling during the kiss.

Lewis trailed his kisses to my neck, then to my collarbone, his hand still on me. 

-I want to see all of you. -He said very close to my ear, which caused me more shivers than I thought it was possible. 

-Please do. -I wanted to give him what he wanted, I wanted him to see me, kiss me, and tell me how beautiful I look to him.

Lewis then took his hand away from me, I moaned complaining and he laughed. 

-Calm down darling. I'll be back to give you what you want. 

Lewis pulled my dress up and I helped him to take it off, he watched me for a few seconds, I wasn't wearing a bra so I ended up totally exposed to his gaze. I didn't feel ashamed, I wanted him to look at me, so I just lay back down while looking at him.

Lewis, in turn, returned to kiss my collarbone, moving towards my breasts, where he stayed for a while. 

-You are perfect. -His lips went down to my belly, and soon Lewis was already positioned between my legs. He pulled my panties off and got rid of them, throwing them somewhere in the room. He lay down between me and looked at me, waiting for another consent. I looked at him and nodded as if to tell him to go ahead and do it.

And he did it.

Oh yes he did it.

The moan I was trying to keep was released as soon as I felt his tongue touching me. It was the best sensation in the world, Lewis started slow but soon intensified, I moved under him trying to make the most of what he has given to me. One of his hands went from holding my waist to between my legs, where he slowly placed a finger inside me. That didn't hurt, it was the opposite, I almost screamed with pleasure. I was grateful that we were alone, I don't know if I could hold back my sound.

With one finger inside me, Lewis started to make a move and that sent me over the edge, my legs start shaking and I couldn't think straight, I just wanted him with me. He climbed up to me and kissed me with hunger, there was strength and it was almost instinctual. I took my hand to his shirt and helped him take it off. Soon after I took my hand and touched him over his pants, I could feel the exaggerated bulge, I had no idea how to do that but I wanted to be able to touch him.

Lewis got rid of his pants and underwear and positioned himself on top of me. I saw his size and for the first time that night, I felt a certain apprehension. What he seemed to realize. 

-I'll go slowly, you tell me if you want me to take it off. But it will probably hurt a little in the begging. But I promise you I'll be careful. 

-Okay.

Lewis kissed me before putting himself between my legs and slowly penetrating me. I pulled his face down to my neck, not wanting him to see the discomfort on my face. At first, it did hurt, but I knew it would be like this, and I didn't wanted to stop, I wanted him inside me. I mentally thanked the universe when I realized he was already all in, Lewis stayed there for a minute until I got used to his size. Gradually he began to move, which started very slowly and then gained more speed. The pain that was almost unbearable at first gave way to immense pleasure.

-You good? - He looked at me again. I nodded and pressed our lips together tightly. In a short time, we were already in a rhythm that was good for both of us, I moaned low in his ear and I could feel his breath on mine, it was much better than I imagined it would be. At one point Lewis accelerated and started moaning, I knew he was almost there. Only then did I realize that we did everything without any protection.

-Lew, take it off, we're not wearing a condom. 

He didn't seem to hear it at first but ended up granting my request and came out of me, in my abdomen.

Lewis kissed me and stayed between my legs for a while. Then he got up and pulled me with him into the bathroom, we cleaned up and went back to bed. I pulled the blanket over us and snuggled into his lap, our clothes lying on the floor of his room with no intention of being picked.

-How do you feel? -He asked after a few minutes that we were lying down. 

-Impure. - I felt Lewis laughing below me and I laughed with him. It wasn't true, I felt good, happy to have done this with the boy that I love. -I'm kidding. I feel great, it was much better than I imagined it would be. And I'm glad it was with you. 

I lifted my head from his chest and looked at him, Lewis was beautiful in that light, I joined our lips again in a quick kiss and went back to lay on his chest, as much as I wanted to extend that night, the tiredness was already consuming me and I couldn't stand much more awake. 

-I love you. -It was the last thing I heard that night before falling asleep.

December 2005

-You look beautiful in your graduation gown and cape. 

We were sitting on the living room floor of my house, surrounded by pizza and beers. We came here after my graduation ceremony, where we knew we'd be alone since my parents went traveling. I used the money they left as an apology for not attending my graduation to buy us pizza and drinks.

-I don't ever want to take it off. I feel good in this. I feel important. 

Lewis smiled and pulled me closer to him.

-Do you know what you're going to do now? -I relax in his lap and it took me a few seconds to answer him.

-I know what I want to do. I'm going to try to get into that college I told you about, I will apply for it next year. I love fashion design, and I want to do it in the city of my dreams, it would be perfect if I was accepted. But don't worry, until then I'll still live by your side.

Lewis remains in silence for a long time before answering me. 

-This is in France, isn't it? 

-Yes. In Paris. At least I took my French lessons seriously. -I chuckled and lifted my face to look at him. But Lewis wasn't smiling, on the opposite, his face was frowning. 

-Is there a problem?

-There are great fashion colleges in London, where you would be closer. -Lewis took his hand from my waist, where it had been resting for some time. I pulled away from him, sitting down in front of him.

-I know. But Paris has always been a dream, you know that. And knowing that it's possible just made me even more excited. 

Lewis didn't look happy at all, and that pissed me off. 

-I don't think it's a good idea. Going to the other side of the continent alone and venturing out like that doesn't sound right.

-You're talking like my father. - I held myself back from rolling my eyes at that conversation.

-Maybe your father is right, Angie. Have you ever thought about it? 

-No Lewis. He's not, he's never been right about anything. 

I got up and went to the kitchen, I wanted to escape that conversation, I never thought that Lewis would react like that, I never thought that he would be upset that I wanted to follow my dream. I took off my cap and poured myself a glass of water, my mouth was dry.

-Angie, please. I'm just saying that things are more complicated than they appear. The world is not the way you think it is. 

-And why don't you let me figure this out on my own? 

He was standing in the kitchen doorway while I was leaning against the sink, facing him.

-Cause I care about you. I don't want you to regret doing something crazy like that. 

I Laugh without humor. 

-Look at you. You're running for formula 3. How many times have you been told it's crazy and you should give up? Now you come and tell me that?! Are you kidding me?!

-Angie listen...

-No Lewis! You listen. What you want is for me to be here waiting for you while you travel the world with your perfect driver's life. 

I realized that my tone was higher than usual so I tried to calm down.

-There's nothing in this world I want more than that, Lew.

-Not even me?

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I looked at him in disbelief.

-You will not do this to me, Lewis. -I felt my eyes burning. -You would never stop running for me, don't make me abandon my dream to live yours.

Lewis fell silent, his frustrated expression replaced by a thoughtful one. He didn't look at me, I don't think he even paid attention to the environment. 

-You're right. I can't create expectations about you waiting for me here. You have all the right to live your life and go after your dreams. -Lewis looked at me but he didn't even take a step toward me, he was nervous and I could deduce that just by looking at him. There's nothing worse for me than fighting with Lewis. -But do you think it will work? The two of us, when we leave here? 

-I don't know.

February 2006 

-I still can't believe it. - I couldn't get the smile off my face. 

-Well, believe me, this is going to become routine now that you graduated and I have you free for me for a while. 

We were walking through Monza airport, we came for the first stage of the formula 3 championship. The race will only be in 5 days, but Lewis managed to convince everyone that he needed to come earlier to "prepare", even if that preparation means eating a lot and drinking wine every night on his staff bill.

I couldn't help but snap pictures from the moment we walked out of the airport to our hotel check-in, where we were both trying not to look shocked by the size of it all. 

-No fucking way! -I was discredited in that place. And Lewis didn't look any different. The hotel room was more like an apartment than a bedroom. -Lewis, there's a living room inside our hotel room.

At this point, I had already explored every corner of the place. 

-I'll never get used to this. -Lewis was smiling from ear to ear. 

It was at that moment that I stopped paying attention to the immensity of that room and looked at him. His smile managed to move me, the way Lewis was sincerely happy with how his life was unfolding made me more than proud to have seen it all happen up close. As much as he still has a lot of things to conquer, all of this already seems huge close to where he started. The realization of my privilege to be by his side at a time like this hit me and I couldn't help the emotion in my eyes, which he soon noticed.

-Honey, are you okay? -His smile faded a little at his concern. 

-Yes, everything is perfect. -I walked over to him and snuggled into his arms. -I'm just happy. -I didn't tell him but part of the reason for the tears in my eyes was fear, fear of separating, fear of him forgetting me if I go to college, and fear of leaving him and then regretting it. My anxieties related to our future have been keeping me awake for a long time, and as much as I don't talk about it with him, I know he's not much different from me.

-I have an idea. -Lewis said after a few minutes that we were hugging in the middle of that giant room. He broke our embrace and went to the phone. 

-What are you going to d... 

-Hi, my wife and I wanted to order room service. Right. Can you bring a bottle of champagne? Yeah, anyone is fine. Actually, the best bottle you have. Yes. And we also want a portion of fries. That's all. this is charged to whoever booked the room right? Ah yes, so it will be two bottles then. Right, thanks.

When Lewis put the phone back down I was laughing so hard I could barely stand. He got up and walked over to me, giving me his hand.

-So I'm your wife? -I said with a smile on my lips.

-One day. And it's going to be huge the way you deserve it. But meanwhile, we pretend for a week that we're married and spending a few days in Italy, as usual. - I sealed our lips with a smile on my face and a lump in my throat.

October 2006 

We looked at the telephone with a high expectation that it would ring at any second with the news we had been waiting for some time. The anxiety was so big that we couldn't even talk for more than a few minutes without stopping to pay attention to the yellow telephone in his house. Me, Linda, and Nicholas were in the living room waiting for Lewis and Anthony, who were in a meeting with McLaren, a meeting that would determine if the place as second driver in the team was going to be his for the next year.

From Stevenage to Woking it was just an hour trip, but I made lewis promise me that he would call with the answer of the team before he get home, whether it was good or bad news.

As much as we'd been waiting, when the phone finally rang, we jumped in alarmed. Linda didn't take a second to answer. I saw her face go from fear to pure happiness, and then we exploded in joy. Of course he made it. We started celebrating even before they got home. We spent hours celebrating, and for the first time I saw Lewis and Anthony really moved, I wanted to cry with them. After all the sacrifice he finally got the result he deserved. 

Lewis would be a formula 1 driver. the best driver ever.

December 2006

I've already lost the track of time. We've been in this room for hours. I've watched night turn into day and still I refuse to fall asleep and stop noticing his presence and our contact. I've counted his heartbeats and his light breathing for what seemed like hours. We don't have anything to talk about it anymore. We ignore his father calling us to dinner because the feeling is that if someone moves, everything will be over faster. I don't want to leave, but I have to. And so does he.

The last few months were more than perfect, being by his side and accompanying him in his races was better than I imagined it would be, I got to know several countries and saw Lewis conquering and standing out more and more in his sport and that couldn't have made me more proud and happy for my love. But it came to an end as we knew it would one day. Since the fight, we haven't talked about our relationship and our future, we decided to talk about it later, but that “later” never came.

The letter from the college was there the day I returned from a trip with him and we opened it together. Lewis was happy for me, or at least he tried to be, but that hug felt more like an embrace of losst than one of pride and happiness.

So I left my bags packed, waiting for me at home, while I ran the blocks to his house at the end of the street and asked for a few minutes with him since I had to go back home soon because of my flight the next morning. But the minutes turned into hours, hours of talking but not about our future, hours of lovemaking, and now hours of absolute silence as we lay together.

-I have to go. -I didn't feel the words coming out of my mouth, it was like someone else was speaking for me. How dare you open your mouth and disturb a moment like this?! 

-I know. -Lewis didn't move, his arms were still around my body.

-Lew...

Lewis finally let go of me, now he was looking at me, we were still lying down, so close together that we seemed to be one single being. I could see the shine in his eyes through the tears that threatened to fall, I opened my mouth to tell him that everything was going to be okay, but I knew that was a lie. Lewis sealed our lips painfully, our kiss soon deepened and there was a moment when I didn't know if the tears I felt on my face were mine or his.

We already were without any clothes from all the lovemaking moments before, but it didn't feel like enough, it would never feel like enough as we had our minds on what was going to come next. Lewis put himself inside me and we didn't break our kiss even for a second, few birds were singing outside, since it was only five in the morning, and the only sound in the room was our irregular breathing.

There was almost no rhythm in our movements, but that wasn't about pleasure, that was our inexplicable connection in the purest form there was, I wanted to be able to merge with him and not go anywhere, but I know that I’ll never forgive myself if don't leave this place to live my dream. Even though this place has become my private paradise. I can't believe that for a moment I thought Stevenage was a boring place, nothing is boring with him by my side, and it hurts so much to imagine what will be of “us”.

I don't know when it ended, but soon we were just holding each other, our naked chests pressed together, both breathless and trying to hold back the tears. 

-I love you. -The whisper was so low that I almost didn't hear it even with the room completely silent. -I will not leave you. Never.

-I love you too. But you know that's not true. -Lewis wrinkled his eyebrows and opened his mouth to answer but I cut him off. -Please don't make this any harder than it already is. We both know what's going to happen, and I could never blame you for that Lew.

-We can see each other, I can go to Paris whenever I'm not running, and then you come to me when you have some time off.

-Lewis. Please. -I sat on his mattress and looked at him seriously, Lewis looked like a child begging me with his eyes so I wouldn't hurt his feelings. -You are going to be a great driver at McLaren, you know it, I know it, everybody knows it. And when that happens your life will change completely and I will only be a small part of your past. And it's okay. But please don't make me a promise that you know you won't keep.

-Let me have a chance to try. 

I wanted to force myself to answer and say that there was no way, but I couldn't, I couldn't because deep down I wanted it to be true, I wanted him to find some way to make our relationship work even though he was so far away from me in the biggest part of the time. So I nodded. I agreed with the idea even though I knew that in the end, it would be even more difficult and painful for us. As it was.

Lewis left me at home, I lost count of how many times I tried to get away from his embrace and I couldn't, we only separated because I really needed to go to the airport. But not before confirming my new phone number with him at least 20 times. I promised that I would call him as soon as I got there and that we would have a talk about the future of our relationship.

❀

We have talked to each other every day since my arrival in Paris, in the first days we spent hours on the phone, but over time we had to reduce our daily conversations, due to all the commitments that surrounded us. 

Lewis was training every day and I was getting ready for the start of classes, everything was very new and different and I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't know how to get used to everything. But at the same time, I was excited to find out. 

March 2007 

For a moment at the beginning of those days, I truly believed that his plan would work, this long-distance relationship thing. Lewis was willing to keep his promise and every day I believed more that it would work, since it was “just a little more time until we see each other again”. But things are not always as we imagine, we were innocent to believe that it would work for so long. 

We didn't even know when we would see each other again, there was no going back, this is our life now, a life where the other doesn't fit anymore. I had to pretend to myself that I didn't care and understood when he didn't pick up, or when he spoke differently to me because he was clearly too busy to talk. I couldn't be this bitch who thinks it's bad that he doesn't have time for me when he was literally living his biggest dream. All of this is much bigger than us.

Eventually, I found out about his Formula 1 accomplishments on the internet, or through his stepmother who still called me every week to see how I was doing. Since most of the time, he forgot to talk to me or text me or whatever.

Lewis had not spoken to me for some time, I tried to call him but I always ended up in voicemail with a message from him shortly afterward apologizing and saying he would call me as soon as he could. But those calls didn't come as quickly as I wish. But every time his number called me, my heart still jumped and filled with joy at being able to hear his voice, even if in the end it ended up hurting me even more.

I knew what came would come eventually, I knew my fall would be a big one, but I didn't expect it to hurt so much, they say if you expect the worst you won't be disappointed, but that's bullshit.

I got on social media that day and came across the news that I knew would come sooner or later. He was with someone else. Comfortable next to her as if he did not doubt his feelings, as if he hadn't promised me at least to try. I thought to myself that I already knew this was going to happen, but I still felt really bad. I was still trying to assimilate what I was reading when his name jumped on my phone screen, the call I had been waiting for days, but this time my reaction wasn't happiness, I felt like I was going to throw up.

I ignored his call and went to my dorm, the conversation about us that never happened would happen now, and in the worst possible moment. I wanted to calm down to talk to him but Lewis insisted on talking to me right then and there. My phone kept vibrating as I sat on the small sofa in my room, trying to control my breathing so I wouldn't end up having a panic attack or something. He knew I knew, that's why he was calling me, to explain himself, or to end whatever kind of relationship we have, at this point I don't know anymore.

I took a deep breath before answering his fifth call. I accepted the call but didn't say anything, trying my best to postpone the conversation.

"Angie?" 

"Hi." My voice came out almost in a whisper.

"Are you okay?" I could hear in the background that he was in a bustling place. 

"Yes.”

"Good."

"Good."

For a moment I thought he wasn't going to say anything else, maybe he was waiting for me to start the conversation, but I didn't even know where to start. 

"Listen, I don't know if you saw it." 

"Oh, I saw it." 

"I just wanted to tell you that..." 

"You don't have to tell me anything. I told you this would happen, didn't I?"

I could barely feel my body, the blood was running through my veins fast enough to make me tingle. 

"Angie." 

"We could have spared this if you'd listened to me. But you insisted, and you asked me to trust you. And I trusted you, Lewis."

"I told you we would try, and we are trying." 

"I don't think what you're doing could be seen as trying." 

He took a few seconds to respond, I could hear his breathing even over the background noise.

"We never talked about exclusivity." 

"We never talked about anything, Lewis. You've always avoided that kind of conversation with me from the moment you found out we were going to split up." 

"That's not true."

"You know it is. We were naive and you know it. And you know what's worst of all? I can't even blame you, Lewis. I can't as much as I want to and this is killing me right now”.

I had to take a deep breath before proceeding because of the tears that were already burning my eyes. 

"I'll tell you what I should have said from the beginning, but I was stupid and I thought for a moment that this was going to work. Go ahead, go live your life. You know I don't fit in with this anymore. We have nothing to do with each other anymore. You took a path and I took another, things happen, what are we after all? Just childhood sweethearts and everyone knows that kind of thing doesn't go forward."

"’Just’? Are you going to sum up everything we've had into that?"

"It is what it is. I told you it was all going to end up being a small part of your past. We were kids, and we still are. And everything tends to be a lot more exciting when there's no prior experience."

"So that's it?" 

"That's it, that's all it was and all it could have been. Do what you wanted to do from the beginning, focus on your career -I laugh humorlessly. -And your perfect new girl, while I'm going to focus on my life. But please, please, don't look for me anymore. Cause I won't be able to move on with you in my life like a ghost."

"Angie…" I could almost hear his thoughts. There was a lot said in that silence that I would never actually hear. But I didn't have to, I was also feeling the same thing as him, as usual.

"I'm sorry." 

"It's okay Lew."

We stayed on the line for a while without saying anything, just listening to our breaths, trying to stay together even if separated for a little longer, attaching to what was already gone. I don't know who had the initiative to hang up first, but eventually, it ended, what I had almost my whole life ended, what I never thought would end.

And that was it, the boy I fell in love with and promised I would have forever has gone, without questioning, after just a few minute's phone call.

I know I can get over it, I hope that in a short time he really just becomes a good memory of my past, but not for now. For now, I'm broken and have no idea how to get out of this room and move on with my life. I know this will have to happen one day, but not today.

[suppose-i-was-worm]

Angst Central

**This is what happened in Danny's home universe in the Iceberg Siren story. There is angst, there is minor gore, there is some violence. It is along the lines of a fair amount of DPxDC fanfics as far as the Fenton parents experimenting on Danny. Love y'all, be safe!**

Jasmine Fenton often found herself wondering when Jack and Maddie had become the monsters they claimed ghosts were. Was it before she was born? Or had it happened right in front of her eyes, threatening her precious baby brother from the day he turned fourteen?

Or was the threat there before then? Had they looked at her and her brother like experiments from their birth?

Had the portal accident truly been an accident?

No. She couldn’t let herself think like that- they had been good, once. They had taken her and Danny on picnics, had taught them about the stars.

They had ripped into her baby brother with serrated knives- after the first successful autopsy, that is. Sawing off pieces of skin, digging into his organs.

Brutalizing the sweet boy who just wanted to help. Who only wanted to help.

Jazz hated herself sometimes, for going away to college. Danny had insisted on it.

“You can’t let me hold you back, Jazz. I’m only here for another year, it’ll be fine!”

It was not fine. Dani had called her, having not heard from Danny for a few days. She headed home for the weekend and met the young girl outside of FentonWorks.

They found their brother strapped to a table, bleeding out and crying for his parents to stop.

Jazz saw green. She was too liminal to allow her King brother to suffer. Without thinking, she knocked Jack and Maddie out with the Anti-Creep stick and a careful application of Maddie’s martial arts lessons.

Dani had released her original from his straps while she did so, and then picked him up with as much care as she could.

Jasmine Nightingale shoved the pair into the portal and then destroyed her former parents’ life work.

All of it.

~~~

Samantha Manson watched in sick glee as FentonWorks went up in flames. Maddie and Jack had been dragged outside one by one, still unconscious, by a furious Jazz, and then she’d gone back in.

Sam had thought she was going back in for Danny, that some ghost or burglar had been too much and that Jazz had come home to find it in shambles.

She was wrong.

Jazz had come back outside holding a remote, and, once she was a safe distance away, had pressed the big red button.

The explosion from the basement rocked the town, and Sam had to take a few steps back from the heat.

Only in the light of the flames dancing across Jazz’ vindictive expression did she notice the streaks of greenish blood on Jazz’s cheek and down her blouse.

Sam ran forward and grabbed at the older teen’s arm.

“Danny?”

“Safe.” The response came from a voice void of emotion. “Dani took him to the Realms.”

“When will they be back?”

Jazz snarled and threw down her remote, stomping viciously on it once.

“I destroyed the portal.”

Oh. That meant never. That meant never.

Sam felt herself begin to cry, and Jazz collected her into her arms, and the two of them stood together in the flickering light of the fire, crying for their loss. Crying for Danny.

The Fentons wouldn’t know what hit them- the Manson name would ensure that.

~~~

Tucker Foley was angry. Sam and Jazz had met him in the park after the explosion, both of them with tears still running down their faces, and told him what happened.

Told him that Danny was gone, and it was the Fenton’s fault.

Tucker Foley was more than angry.

Tucker. Motherfucking. Foley. Was downright livid. He knew, and the girls did not, that the GIW had been funding the Fentons in their ghost research. Had given them a grant when they ‘apprehended’ Phantom. Had made everyone look the other way every time Danny had gone to someone for help.

His last text from Danny’s phone was awful.

TooFine: want 2 play doomed 2morrow?

Ghost?: sure. Parents are home Ghost?: they promised nasty burger if I got a good grade on the english test Ghost?: guess who got a 85 Ghost?: maybe they’ll stay out of the lab for once

Tucker Foley stayed up late into the night, furiously working at his desktop.

In the early hours of the morning, he hit one last key.

The GIW’s files vanished, their computers fried themselves, and their bases stopped allowing access.

Tucker wished he’d had the motivation to do something before it cost him his best friend. He knew he would probably regret his inaction for the rest of his life.

Letters Unsent

Jazz- I know you’re probably feeling guilty still. It’s been three years for me- I don’t know how long it’s been for you. The realms have a weird time-dilation.

Don’t feel guilty. It wasn’t your fault, it was mom and dad’s. They chose their path, and you don’t have to keep that on your shoulders anymore. In any case, I think I’m happier now than I’ve ever been?

There’s this guy- (don’t you think it’s funny mom and dad were better about me being gay than me being a ghost?)- his name is Jason, but I call him Red. He’s like me, he died before and came back different.

Well, he’s more like the median between me and Vlad, but that’s not the point.

Jazzy, I love him. I miss you and Sam and Tuck, but I don’t think I could survive without him, and it’s only been a few months since we started dating.

I’m happy here, for the first time in a long time, I’m happy.

Love,

Your Brother

~~~

Sam! Sam, Sammy, Samalamadingdong- I miss you! You would love the city I’m living in. The Gothic vibes are there all the way. Every time I see a gargoyle I think of you.

There’s even a superhero called ‘Batman’- He’s totally a furry. My boyfriend agrees with me.

I wouldn’t think bats are particularly sexy, but hey, I won’t knock someone’s kink.

I- I love you, you know? You and Tuck are my best friends. I spent a lot of time hoping a new portal would open and I’d find my way back to all three of you, at first.

By now I’m glad one hasn’t. CW sent me to this dimension, and, while I haven’t discovered my purpose, I’ve definitely discovered the love of my unlife.

You and Jason would get along, I think.

Don’t let me catch you crying over me, Sam Manson. You’ll make your makeup run.

Love,

Danny

~~~

Heya Tuck! Something tells me you rained hell- that something being CW. I know Jazz and Sam did too, in their own ways, but yours is probably the most useful for the Realms. As a King, I gotta think about that before I think about what effects me.

Being king sucks, want to beat me in single combat?

Would Doomed count as single combat?

My boyfriend has brothers, and they haven’t managed to gain kingship from me yet- I’m so bad at this dimension’s video games it’s not even funny.

It probably has something to do with being a ghost.

Good thing Jason is worse at video games than I am.

I wish I could see you again, at least to say goodbye. It’s a good thing that Desiree doesn’t take wishes from paper, otherwise something would go wrong, I’m sure.

Love you, TF.

DP.