#the kind of happiness i feel rn is the kind i haven’t felt for seven years | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soulwillower · 4 years

Text

heart eyes • bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x reader smut)

requested: no ;)

warnings: swearing, smut, oral (fem receiving), body worship!!, fluff, road trip w the losers, underage drinking, body shots, praise kink bc its me, a lil dirty talk, this one is kinda tame, its fluffy :) ALSO THIS IS SO UNEDITED SORRY

i was going through all my writing and i found this smut i wrote a while ago!! im p sure its the first smut i ever wrote n i never posted it, i figured i would rn :)

[losers + reader are aged up 18+ in this.]

6.2k words lol

♡

“i mean this trip would’ve been fun, no matter what. listen! guys, i love you! and... and i fucking love that we don’t always have to be inebriated to have fun.” stan exclaims, gangly limbs sprawled on the floor as ben starts giggling. stan pays no mind, “but listen, listen. i am soooo happy that we brought this stuff though, you know?” stan continues to babble on drunkenly, eliciting giggles from all the kids in the room. he’s waving an almost empty bottle of smirnoff. you giggle softly.

thankfully, ben had actually managed to sweet talk a coworker from the diner in order to score the losers a few handles of alcohol, and you’d nearly finished off the smirnoff and all are a few hearty swigs into the bottle of strawberry burnett’s and fireball.

your cheeks are very red.

you know your cheeks are burning.

but bill’s loose arm around your waist has your skin burning even hotter. you don’t want to think of it as anything more than platonic, because with a quick glance to your right, you see his other arm holding eddie in the same fashion. you're just friends, and always have been.

bill is just a very outgoing and flirty person when drunk.

and if you had voiced this aloud, bill denbrough would probably have had to agree. he barely felt his arm where it lay across eddie, but his arm that was cradling you feels like it is dead weight.

god, he’s got it so fucking bad for you. the conversation lulls as a familiar tune plays through the speaker, making most losers scrunch their nose and laugh. y/n and richie, as always, have other plans.

not even a measure into the song, richie screeches and pulls you into his chest, already swaying you as your alluring voices blend together as perfectly as they always do.

the two drunkenly sing together for the entire duration of the song, serenading each other in a sweet, albeit weird (in a way, bill decides, that only richie and you can achieve) fashion. the lanky boy twirls you around, and you're giggling and laughing and smiling so brightly, and the others are all smiling happily.

and bill just knows, looking from richie’s face, to stan, then mike, bev, ben, and then to eddie right next to him, that everybody in the room has just fallen a little more in love with you.

you're a fucking angel. just like heaven…

and, knowing deep down that it was highly unlikely, bill still hoped he could some day call that angel his own.

bill takes a moment to breathe as the seven of his best friends huddle in the weak circle they’ve formed after quite a few drinks.

the speaker plays soft music. the kind of music - you recall loudly to everyone with a smile - that ‘stanny’ plays in his own car on days in the summer when he lets you roll down the passenger side window and stick your feet out as they speed down the town roads.

“you know why-“ mike starts, interrupting himself with a hiccup. he giggles, and bill smiles. “-you know why i love you?” he says, question directed at ben. ben chuckles, face red from the contents of his near empty cup, and shrugs.

“no, wait, i’m not drunk enough for the sappy stuff.” you whine, biting your lip as you glances over to bill.

he averts his eyes, chastising himself in his head immediately after for being a little schoolboy.

“fine, y/l/n. truth or dare?” mike says with a cheeky smile. richie hollers and you scoff, shaking your head. across the room, eddie does the same.

“c’mon, mikey… i haven’t played that since sophomore year.” you say, face revealing a teasing smile which betrays your tone. bev shrugs, leaning back into ben’s chest. “dunno, could be fun.” she says.

bill watches closely as y/n sends a long look to bev, who shoots her best friend a suggestive glance.

bill wishes sometimes that he could hear beverly and y/n’s thoughts and secret conversations, but after a flash memory of the time when he walked in (after listening to silence for nearly three minutes before entering) on the two girls staring at the other in complete silence, he shivers and retracts that wish.

those girls were creepily telekinetic.

y/n’s sigh pulls bill back to earth. “fine.” you say, rolling your eyes and sounding bored. bill knew better than to believe y/n could really be bored. he stares at your body as you take a hefty swig from your cup, wiping your mouth and slurring, “truth.”

“out of all the people in this room, whose clothing style would you choose to swap with?” mike asks after some moments of silence. you look like you're thinking very, very hard and this makes bill laugh in drunken stupor. his friends shoot him a confused look, but attention quickly lies back on y/n.

“stan, maybe. or eddie bear.” y/n says, flopping into eddie’s lap, making him blush and card his fingers through your hair. “I love all those cute shorts.” you say, throwing a wink in richie’s direction.

bill has to laugh at the expression on the curly haired boy’s face. he has to admit, though, that eddie looks fucking great in those shorts. the two boys both respond idly, though, and the game continues, getting dumber and more risqué the more drinks they share.

mike admits to wearing briefs over boxers, bev admits that the first girl she kissed was y/n. ben has to jump into the broken hot tub, and eddie takes a body shot off of richie.

"bill, who do you think is the best kisser?" bev smirks, shooting a look that he doesn't understand but, on a much more transcendental level, understands too well.

"if you don't say me, i'll be mad." richie says, making kissy faces that make ben push the side of his face away with a chuckle. bill laughs lightly, but his lips move quicker than his brain. "y/n, probably."

seven pairs of eyes land on him and he blinks, face heating until he's surely a tomato. "wh-what? you a-asked." he says awkwardly, and to change the subject, stan clears his throat, "y/n's turn!"

bill shoots him a grateful look, but stan gives him a stare that screams make a move, dumbass.

"okay, dare." you mumble, cheeks slightly dark and a sweet grin on your lips.

“'kay. i dare you...” richie trails off as something catches his drunken eyesight away in the kitchen. he starts to giggle to himself, then. “take a body shot off of bill.” he says, pointing a bony finger at the innocent girl to bill’s left.

bill’s face pales at this, but the liquid courage has him pulling off his shirt at the encouragement of the others merely moments later.

“i’ve yet to take an actual body shot before.” y/n mumbles, explaining how you've always done them off shoulders or necks.

“lick, shoot, suck.” bill mumbles, staring at the ceiling. bill hears bev giggle quietly.

“don’t forget that last part, y/n.” richie piped up from across the room, the words being followed by a thud and a soft grunt.

“i couldn’t if i tried, rich.” you mumbles as your face comes into view. bill can only smirk up at you when he feels liquid pour into his navel.

“he’s gotta be flexing right now. there’s no way he’s that naturally ripped!” richie complains, his voice looted in a joke. ben laughs as bev slaps richie’s arm.

"sh-shut up, richie." bill mutters with an easy grin.

bill slips a lime wedge into his mouth and his tongue falls upon the rind, tasting the muted citrus flavor as salt is sprinkled in the stretched of his skin between his belly button and his waistband.

if he wasn't drunk, he'd be a blushing mess.

and he has to try harder than he's ever tried for anything in his entire life to not get hard as you suddenly lean over him, your hot tongue poking out to lick a stripe up the salt.

he suppresses a groan and then you shoot the shot from his stomach, everyone screaming and cheering and laughing. you're laughing too, and bill's shocked into a stupor by how casually and effortlessly beautiful you are.

you're leaning towards his face now, a soft smile on your face as your lips fall to pluck the lime from his mouth. but before you pull all the way back, he feels your soft lips touch his around the wedge and his whole body ignites, cheeks turning red.

but just as quickly as you were there, you're gone and he's left with the faint taste of lime and a heaving chest, the feeling of your tongue on his body ingrained into his mind.

it was about thirty minutes later that all the losers retreated to their rooms to pass out, bill following you a few steps behind. of course, when eddie and bev had planned the sleeping arrangements, they'd insisted that you two share a room. not that he's complaining, not at all.

bill barely gets a minute into the door before you're turning and stepping closer to him. his hands fall to your arms, in his mind as an excuse to steady you, but he knows its because he really just wants to feel you in his arms.

“do you really want to kiss me?” you purr, voice uncharacteristically quiet. and wow, that was out of left field. bill almost laughs, but refrains in case the inebriated girl in his arms took it the wrong way. “yes, y/n. a-always.”

you beam, a slight hiccup escaping your cherry lips as you get on your tippy toes. you're still half a head shorter than him even on your tips.

his heart thumps as he takes in your beautiful features up close, and he longs to feel your lips against his.

but, instead he shakes his head gently through his drunken state. your face falls and you step back. bill swears the angel’s wings start to droop and wilt as you seem to sober up slightly. you look sad and embarrassed and bill’s heart shatters a fragment.

“y-you’re drunk.” he says lamely, wishing that own his drunk eyes would get on board with his brain and quit running over this girl’s beautiful face and enticing curves. “w-we both a-are.” he adds, biting his lip.

you huff, turning around and bending over to pull sweats out of a drawer. “okay,” you mumble and he can’t read your voice much but he can tell you're upset.

in a drunk thought, he realizes he may never fully understand you.

bill bites his lip at the sight of your perky ass displayed like that in front of him and he wants to smack himself as he feels the familiar heat in his abdomen, turning around to give you privacy as you change.

he doesn’t turn around, as much as you both want him to.

richie once claimed that bill was hornier than he was, and while then he’d laughed especially hard at that claim, bill currently cursed richie a million times for being correct.

“would you reconsider if we were sober?” when a hand lands on bill’s shoulder, he turns to see you staring up at him, wearing a plain blue and white baseball tee and sweats.

it’s quiet for a moment. y/n holds your breath. bill himself lets out a breath after a moment. “you’re fucking beautiful.”

it’s not an answer to your question, even, but he says it before he even realizes it and the look on your face suddenly makes bill wish he could say things like that without stuttering forever if it meant it made you feel like that.

you turn bright red, head dropping down bashfully. you fail to hide your smile drop, though, and it makes bill feel slightly sick. “you don’t have to say that bill.” you whisper, sounding insecure. and then you slip under the dark green duvet of the bed.

bill tells himself that if he were sober, he’d speak up; have the courage to say all the things to you that his mind is constantly screaming.

you are fucking beautiful, everybody knows it..

all our friends see it...

mike once told me you were the hottest person in the school and that was before we even met you, now he also claims you’re the most thoughtful person in existence...

ben thinks you might be the smartest person in our generation...

bev is confident that you are going to change the world some day...

richie calls you his platonic soulmate...and says that you have second most rockin’ bod (second only because he’s trying to mack on eddie)...

eddie tells me every day how much he looks up to you and how much he admires your strength...

stan once told me that he’d marry you in a heartbeat...

(i think i’m falling for you...)

(and i hope you feel the same...)

your eyes look so innocent...but i know you’re not...

your lips look like they taste like candy...

you are so fucking pretty...

i want to put my dick in your mouth-

his last thought snaps him out of his drunken stupor and he quickly pulls on flannel pants and tugs off his shirt, not missing y/n’s eyes on his bare torso as he pulls on a shirt.

bill. you’re drunk, go to sleep, asshole.

he lays on the edge of the bed, turning off the lamp light and rubs his eyes. your eyes are closed, and you lay on your side, back facing him.

“i’m lucky t’have you, billy. we all are.” you mumble, and bill doesn’t even fight the bashful smile that climbs onto his face. you can’t seem him, anyways.

“g’night, billy.” you finish dreamily, snuggling the comforter and making bill swoon in the dark.

“g-goodnight, y/n.” he says quietly.

the next night was much more tame; the losers were worn out after a day of exploring and decided to go to the outdoor pool in the backyard of the b&b you'd rented.

you sit on the couch by yourself, knowing bill was in your room because he didn't feel like swimming.

but you were nervous to go in there, because you and bill hadn't been alone since last night when you'd basically confessed to him. and yeah, he'd sort of confessed back, but you could tell he was just trying to be considerate and not make it awkward for you or the rest of the losers.

with a sigh, you rising to your feet and padding to the closed door. soft music plays from the other end of the door and you smile as you hear bill hum quietly to bowie.

when you push the door open, bill’s figure is silhouetted by the faint orange glow that soaks the bedroom in gold and yellow light. crossing through the doorway softly, bill lifts his head and smiles softly.

you bite your lip at bill, who is sat dumbly on the edge of the bed, and it's quiet for a few moments but you know you're both thinking the same thing.

he stands to meet you only a few paces from his doorway, and he's so close to you that you have to tilt your head and stare up at him through dark lashes. his breath comes out like a whisper, and you feel desperate to know his lips again. but not like last night. you want all of him now - always. sober, drunk, sick, healthy, forever.

“bill..” you start, doe eyes searching his, as if trying to read him. he looks like he doesn’t know what to say because you both know the reason that your friends made you sleep together on this trip in this dim room and why he’s looking at you the way he is.

“please...” he whispers, a half smile on his face. his own voice cuts through the faint music playing through the silence. your lips lift in a smile at this. bill thinks you look the most beautiful he’s ever seen you.

he didn’t say anything but a plea, and yet you both know exactly what he’s saying.

your heart soars, and you grab his neck and he crashes his lips to yours desperately, letting out a quiet moan of relief.

you’ve never had somebody like him. of the few relationships you’d managed to keep up for a decent amount of time, you've never known someone like you know him - he's your best friend, the most important person in your life, and your first real love.

that used to scare you, but as you reach your hand to grasp his neck and pull him closer, you realize that this feeling in your stomach may not be as dangerous and innapropriate as previously thought.

because bill denbrough kisses like he’s taking his dying breath, like he’s drowning and you're the last bit of air left in the entire world. he kisses you like a starved writer desperate for a muse. his adamant tongue parted your shaking lips and sent tremors along your skin, as you clutch his chest.

his hands start on your cheeks, his thumbs rubbing your cheekbones as he tilts your head gently to deepen the kiss.

slowly, just as slowly as you fell for him, he slides his hands down your sides and grips your lower back with one large hand, the other squeezing your hip as he pulls your hips to him.

when you pull away for a second, he’s got an earth shattering, face-blinding smile on his lips that almost makes you want to cry.

you've never felt this breathless in your life, especially just by one boy, and all you can do is allow him to press you against dresser and catch your lips with his. his lips slot against yours hotly, moving with a kind of boyish expertise that makes your fingers tingle from all the way up to where they're nestled into his hair.

his plump red lips, slick and glossy, pull away from you and you watch with your hands carded through his auburn hair as he ducks slightly lower and kisses your jawline and your legs feel like jelly because you cannot believe it's happening. a song still plays through bill’s speakers.

one of your hands runs down his clothed chest and you gasp, having to bite back a squeal of pleasant surprise when one of his hands squeezes your ass. at your yelp of pleasure, bill chuckles and then his teeth bite down on the hollow of your throat.

he lifts his head to meet your eyes but doesn’t apologize, instead opting to shoot you a cocky lift of a brow at your reaction.

but before you can even roll your eyes, his lips are back to working magic and you're breathless, the heat in your stomach coiling and making you desperate.

you quietly moan his name as his tongue follows in his teeth’s wake; your neck slowly becoming the most beautiful piece of art bill has ever created.

eventually he raises his head again, his green eyes stuck on your neck, admiring the thunderstorm he’s started, and its everything you can do to not collapse when you get the courage to push bill softly and walk him towards his bed, your lips pressing needily to his.

bill gently spins on his heels around you and pushes you instead onto the mattress, and you're suddenly laying below him with wide eyes.

and you're grabbing his flannel and tugging him on top of you.

for a while, as bill holds himself up above you with his forearms, all that either of you can hear is the melodic tune of heart eyes by coin flowing from bill’s speakers and the sweet noise of their hands exploring each other.

honestly, the first time was unintentional.

while trying to move up, bill slowly rocks his hips against you. you gasp at the feeling of his semi-hard on pressing against your core, and bill almost moans at the noise of you alone.

a small moan escapes your throat again when he does it once more and he pulls away, clearly trying to hide his smug expression.

his eyes trail to your button up, admiring the trail of blossoming hickies reaching from below your jaw to the hem of your sweater, near the top skin of your breasts.

“c-can i?” he asks softly, and your face flushes pink as you nod shyly.

his hands reach out and slowly he undoes the buttons of the sweater, lips pressing sweetly on each bit of skin exposed as he slips the sweater off your frame. his lips against your skin leaves goosebumps in their wake.

you swoon at this action, but as the garment falls from your shoulders, you cross your arms and looks away softly.

“you don’t have t-to huh-hide from me, sweetheart.”

a piano melody plays softly in the background as bill coos quietly, turning your jaw with his forefinger so you're forced make eye contact. “hey. you’re s-so perfect. a-and i’m so fucking l-lucky.” he whispers sincerely.

and even through the expiring sunlight, the golden streams illuminating your face reveal a smile- a genuine, toothy, blushy, bashful smile that makes bill beam in return.

“please. luh-let me show you how m-much you mean.” he whispers.

you're glad you have enough self control to not burst out crying at bill’s words. if you were unsure if he wanted you before, this was the confirmation you knew you didn’t even need. and you love it all the same.

“please,” you whine softly, blushing harder at the pure look of love and lust on bill’s handsome face.

as his lips and hands flutter around your torso, you take in his figure and the god-like aura created by the music and the atmosphere of the world around you.

one word keeps circulating through your head, and as his fingers softly pinch your left nipple, you mewl and pull him up for a passionate kiss, deciding to let the word sit pretty in your mind.

you trails your fingers along the hem of his shirt and he leans back to let you unbutton it slowly. your lips find themselves against his hot skin, trailing in small kisses and bites down his chest as they follow your nimble hands. you cherish his smooth skin and taught muscles.

he soon turns to catch your lips with his, this time feverishly and deeply. he feels hungry against your lips, his tongue winning dominance instantly and smoothing around your mouth as he sighs against you, his hips rocking against you as your hands roam from his hair to his back and chest.

he pulls away, hands trailing down to your jeans, lips following his hands yet again, slower this time.

you whimper quietly at the feeling of white hot pleasure coursing through you and bill shoots you a smirk. “e-everybody is o-outside, y/n/n. we can be as loud as w-we want.” he says in a low tone, and you bite your lip in bliss. you feel yourself get wetter at his words, his voice sounding like royal velvet.

he stops his lips right at the button of your pants. “do yo-you want this?” he asks, his eyes welcoming, and you knows that if, for some absurd reason, you didn’t want him right now (or ever, honestly) you could be honest and he would be forever respectful of that.

“yes, bill. please.” you plead, hands carding into his hair as you watche him smile from in between your legs.

you watch as he unbuttons your jeans, sliding them off and tossing them somewhere across the room. you have to bite back a giggle at the boy's eagerness and he bites his lip as he stares up at you, green eyes sparkling and true as his head sinks lower.

he kisses the inside of your knees slowly, trailing his lips closer and closer to the apex of your thighs where you need him the most before switching to the other side. you groan at his teasing and his quiet huff of a laugh leaves his lips and fans over your thigh.

he’s done this before, it’s obvious.

and it’s probably also very obvious to bill that you are not used to this kind of praise, this kind of approval, and this much intimate attention on your own body. he loves it - loves that he can finally show you how you deserve to feel after years of watching you, his best friend, and waiting for the day that he could put his lips on yours.

his lips finally press a soft kiss over your red lace-clothed clit, and you let out a strangled moan, hips jilting involuntarily at the tease.

his eyes meet yours and all he does is wink.

cocky bastard, you think as bill slides your lace undies off your legs.

it suddenly dawns on you that you're completely naked and vulnerable in front of this boy, and yet somehow you feel more comfortable and at home than you've ever felt in a situation like this.

and you're not totally sure when exactly that fucking word starts to circulate in your mind again- perhaps it is when he licks the first, bold stripe from your entrance up to your clit, or maybe it’s when he uses one hand to gently pin your hips down while his tongue does wicked tricks. or perhaps it’s when he first slips a single finger in.

or maybe that word has been there, hiding in your mind, on the tip of your tongue, the whole time.

but you suddenly can’t think of anything besides bill, because he’s building a rhythm with his tongue and fingers and you know that if anyone is awake in the house besides you, they’d know exactly what was happening in your room currently. and you can't find it to care as you look down at bill, eyes staring back at you with a cocky look on his face as his face is buried in your heat.

your wild moans pick up in pitch and you clench around his fingers tightly, the feeling of bliss having never felt this strong before. your toes curl and you let out whimpers, one hand tangling in his lush hair and the other twirling in the sheets.

his fingers pick up pace, curling and pumping in and out of you as he sucks your clit.

“bill, fuck, i’m close-“ you start, groaning in pleasure as he smirks slightly. you whimper when he pulls back, a devious smirk playing on his shiny, slick lips, his fingers sliding out of your heat. you groan at the sight of him, shirtless and hair missed up from your fingers, his mouth sinfully shiny from your juices.

he reaches his hand up to you and obediently you take his fingers into your mouth, sucking and licking up yourself from him. he watches with his mouth slightly open and eyes dark. "g-good girl, y/n."

the sharp warmth in your chest and the heat straight down to your center show you how much you like his words, and you preen when he tucks your hair behind your ear. "you taste p-perfect, baby." he whispers into your ear, your jaw going slack in shock that words like that would dare fall from his lips, your thighs clenching together. you bite back a moan at the feeling, wanting nothing more than for bill to fill you up and make you scream his name.

it doesn’t get long before you pull him out of his boxers, and soon you're rolling a condom onto his hard cock.

you almost, almost blush when your mouth waters at the sight of bill’s cock, hard, leaking with precum, and much larger than you'd anticipated.

rich was fucking right, you think, they do call him big bill for a reason.

he’s looking at you like you're the only thing that matters as you pull him onto you. he's letting out breathy moans that you realize you could listen to on repeat forever.

but suddenly he’s pushing you hard against the mattress, kissing you like a sailor returning to see his first love, and he’s lining himself up at your entrance, slowly teasing your entrance with his tip. you whimper at the feeling, your over-sensitive clit throbbing as you tug at his shoulders. he grins into your mouth. "u-se your words, baby." he mutters, and you go red.

“god, bill, please fuck me. need it so bad." you whimper breathlessly. he smiles at you, kissing your nose.

"i kn-know you do." he mutters and you want to smack the back of his head but then he pushes in agonizingly slow and you're gasping. simultaneously, you suck in breaths at the sensation, eyes staring deep into each other. his are lidded and yours are blown wide, taking him and whimpering at the feeling of him stretching you out.

you can feel the blush on your cheeks when you realize this is one of the most intimate experiences you've ever had in your life. and when bill's finally buried to the hilt inside you, you let out a low moan at the feeling.

thank god he warmed you up so well, because he was big and felt perfect buried inside you like this, his lips ghosting over your face as you clench your legs around his hips. his fingers rise to roll on your nipple and you let out a gasp of pleasure followed by a small moan of his name. he lets out a shuttering breath into your collarbone as your nails dig into his shoulders.

“please, bill, move. please, fuck, i need it-“ you beg, eyes closed in need and lust.

you feel a strong hand grab your jaw suddenly, and your voice stops as you open your eyes to be met with deep green ones shining fiercely.

“look at me wh-while i fuck you.” he says, more a command, and you involuntarily moan at his words.

the power he has over you feeling foreign and incredibly enticing. never did you expect for bill denbrough to be anything more than vanilla in bed - but you're all here for it as you look back at him submissively, trying to hide your smile.

you keep your eyes on him as he pulls out just as slowly as he eased in, before pushing soundly back into you and coaxing a long, low moan from your lips. your head dips back, your spine curving and eyes fluttering before snapping back to his. he starts to thrust as you've adjusted to his size and you can feel him filling you up perfectly, the feeling euphoric. your toes curl in pleasure and you determine that his melodic moan itself could push you over the edge right now.

he builds a rhythm, your legs tightening around his waist as his lips catch yours in a searing kiss. "y-you're so fucking g-good for me, huh?" he asks, but the feeling of him fucking you into the mattress renders you almost speechless, your lips in an 'o' shape as you watch him. you nod, whining as your hands roam his chest and slide to his back.

"god, yes, bill. don't stop," you say breathlessly, whimpering as you pull him down to you by the neck. he kisses you soundly as he pounds into you, his hands roaming your body and making you blush.

you feel a familiar warm feeling in your abdomen after a couple deep thrusts and you moan out as he lifts your legs slightly to hit another angle. “f-fuck...” he mutters, eyes trailing over your whole body yet never shying from your face for more than a few moments.

and now the word lingers in your mouth, on the tip of your tongue, but you're in so much pleasure that you can’t form words that aren’t his own name as they leave your mouth like a prayer.

his thrusts are deep, rough, and yet somehow sensual as if he’s trying to convey thoughts or feelings through his actions, and the combination has you slamming your hand over your mouth to conceal your loud moans, eyes finding his as you remember his previous words.

his eyes make you feel more special than any other human on this earth ever has. you've had a fair share of sexual encounters, but never have you ever experienced something like this with someone like your bill denbrough.

and as one hand grasps your breast and the other holds himself above you, his lips pressing against yours like he’d die if he wasn’t touching you, bill can tell that you're close. “y-you close, baby?” he purrs in your ear, and through his thrusts you can only nod your head and mewl.

his hand suddenly grabs your hands and lift them up above your head, pinning them there and rendering you unable to move our touch him; the feeling of being restrained makes you moan wantonly, moving your hips with his. he hums deeply, a delicious sound, "oh, you l-like that, y/n/n? g-good, so g-good." and then he moans into your collarbone. his words and the feeling of him hitting the perfect spot inside you, fucking you deeper than you could imagine, has you nearing the edge.

his large thumb snakes it’s way into your mouth then, and you look up in his eyes as your lips wrap around his digit. he groans, hips stuttering inside you. "good g-girl." he mutters, eyes glued to your lips as they suck on his thumb.

he drags his thumb out of your mouth and you release with a small pop. he lowers his hand, moving it down to rub sensual figure-8’s on your clit, a stark and delicious contrast to his hip’s motions. you yelp in pleasure, your sensitive clit throbbing.

“c-cum for me.” he whispers, and you're wrecked. your climax, after a slow, burning build, hits you hard and you clench around him, moaning out his name as your eyes barely stay locked on his. your voice cracks in pleasure as your body pulses in pleasure.

bill cums not even three thrusts after, a mess of groans and your name falling from his lips. he pulls out and you quietly hiss at the sudden absence of him, watching with exhausted eyes as bill tosses his condom and turns back to you.

you're fucked out and so out of breath that all you can do is grasp bill’s hand. he smiles softly at your naked, glowing form as the last of the afternoon light seeps through the windows.

he pulls on boxers quickly, pressing a soft kiss to your lips before disappearing out of the room, leaving an empty feeling in the hollow of your stomach.

you're pretty was used to the people you sleep with not wanting to stick around much, and yet you can’t help the deflation in your chest as bill leaves the room. is he going to sleep on the couch? was it that bad for him?

you pull on underwear just as he comes back in, a cup of water in his hands.

when he softly offers it to you, you tear up slightly but cover it up with a yawn. you know you've never had someone care this much about you. that word lingers on the tip of your tongue, begging to drip from your mouth like honey.

“y-you tired?” bill asks shyly, his body dipping down as he sits next to you. you wonder why bill all of the sudden is acting so shy- as if he didn’t just provide the most incredible sex of your life.

“you wore me out.” you says with a little smile as you lean slightly against him and kiss his cheek.

his cheeks blossom at the simple affection. "i love you." he says suddenly, no stutter. his eyes widen in shock as he realizes what he'd just slipped.

you turn to look at him and he's bright red, looking more scared than you've ever seen him. you can't help your smile, though. "bill... i love you too." you admit, stomach fluttering in excitement. he smiles softly, exhaling, "h-holy shit, thank god. that would have m-made the rest of this t-trip so a-awful."

you giggle, hand falling to his jaw. "i love you so much." you mutter, pulling him down with you so your heads hip the pillow, his hands falling on your bare hips as you kiss sweetly. you can't stop smiling into the kiss, and neither can he, so it's full of quiet laughs and teeth knocking, noses brushing together.

"i love y-you so much, y/n." he whispers into your lips, his mouth wide with a dopey smile. you smooth the hair from his eyes and kiss him again. "be mine, p-please."

"i already am, denbrough." you whisper softly.

#bill denbrough x reader #bill denbrough smut #bill is 🤤🤤#losers x reader #losers club x reader

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merskrat · 4 years

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I’m feeling so cut off from my power rn. I took power and inspiration from the world around me, in the form of trees, moss, flowers, plants, beach, ocean, clay, etc. I feel so cut off from everything around me. The trees’ voices are drowned by the rest of the noise here. I miss the smell of daffodils so I pilfer them from around the neighborhood in the spring. There is a flowering tree in the cemetery that we have at home, and I can reach just far enough through the fence to take a blossom home with me. I take joy in my neighbor’s lavender patch that always has cabbage butterflies and bees around it. I planted sunflowers one year like I did at home, but it gets so hot here and the weeds are invincible. I don’t think I’ve ever had to fight weeds like these, my gardens always just ~grew~ effortlessly. My dreams used to tell me things and help me understand and work through my traumas, but now they are a jumbled mess, if I even remember them. The household spirits were my friends and told me things they thought I needed to know. Once I made a bowl out of clay from the bluffs and put three carefully selected stones in it, one for each of us, in the hope that we would be back together soon and to keep us safe in the meantime. It worked but there was a cost. Magic in NYC has always felt kind of forced, whereas before it was as natural as breathing; I did it without even realizing I was doing it. Once I pulled one of my sacred tree cards for guidance but was convinced that it was the wrong one. It said that I would be surprised by what spring would bring. I thought that nothing could surprise me and shuffled again, but pulled the card a second time. The card was right, my life took a sharp turn from that spring onward. I just feel so stifled, like I have all of these questions and wants and needs and I am on the precipice of something, but I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know how to tap into my powers anymore. I don’t trust myself. I am even paying another witch to find something out for me, partly because I think I am too close to the situation to be impartial when discerning the answer, and partly because I just don’t trust myself anymore (although it is a more advanced spell, something I haven’t tried before that requires more than a yes or no). It’s Imbolc season and soon it will be Beltane and I feel like the time to ask the question is now, but the witch that I asked has some family issues, so she doesn’t have time and when she does have time she might be distracted. The magic that I have been doing is rooted in the physical realm—making my sister a witch’s bell, making bottle charms for myself and my friends, knot magic, carrying the specially charmed crystal that my sister gave me to my exams, etc. I just feel like I need these things to anchor me or I’ll just float away from magic altogether. I have a book about city magic that I should check out, but it’s written by a man and as a general rule I try to get my spiritual guidance from women. Idk, I’m open to advice but I’m guessing it’s just something that I’m going to need to power through on my own, or I’m going to have to stick it out until I can go home and recharge. I haven’t been home in like a year and seven months, first because of school and now because of the virus. It’s the longest I’ve ever gone without going home and while I’m happy that I haven’t had to resort to being there, I’m still thinking that just a couple of days a year visiting there is not going to be enough. There are so many things I wish I had learned from my grandmother, canning, making jelly, making cheese, gardening, weaving, more advanced knitting, all of the things I was too busy being depressed and drinking myself to death to ask her to teach me. That was the cost of being somewhere that I could be magical—my other emotional and physical needs were not being met there. So even though I miss it terribly, it’s unrealistic to think that I could be happy there. I wish I could split my year between old home and new, that’s the only way that I feel that my needs were being met.

#I’m out of space but that’s ok #magic #magick #witch #witchcraft #witches #green witch #kitchen witch #lunar witch #imbolc #Beltane #nature #trees #ocean #spirit #spiritual path

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fmdrohan · 4 years

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hello, hi ! 👋🏽 i hope this introduction post finds everyone well. ♡ i’m no one new to these parts, but for those of you who don’t know me, you can call me alé. i’m 21+, use he/him pronouns, and i’m the current typist for aria’s main vocalist, nina seo, & now, i’m bringing you all yet another muse. so, without further delay, i’d love to introduce you to brand-new creation of mine called 𝖞𝖔𝖔 𝖗𝖔𝖍𝖆𝖓. he is knight’s main dancer, sub vocalist, and rapper, as well as their currently marketed “sexy” member. outside of his career, he’s honestly just one big douche-bag skater kid that seeks cheap thrills, and who wants to do nothing more than put a smile on your face... even if causes him trouble sometimes. more info about him is below the cut, so please like this to plot ! ♡ tumblr im’s or discord by request.✨

𝖍𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖞.

born in seoul, south korea, to a working class, christian family.

mom was a manager at a local restaurant, dad worked at a law firm.

both of them were busy all the time; they lived paycheck-to-paycheck.

he didn’t get much attention at home, so he sought it out at school.

there, he was known as a a huge “class clown” or “class daredevil.”

all he wanted was to put smiles on people’s faces and push limits.

did he end up in the principal’s office a lot? YES, that was his “brand.”

as he got older, his class clownery turned to pranks and thrill-seeking.

he also became HELLA interested in skateboarding and parkour lmao.

rohan felt as if he wasn’t living if he wasn’t on constantly on the edge.

he’s broken a few bones, endured tons of scrapes, but never gives in

this, obviously, didn’t please his mother and father... they were just busy.

too busy to reprimand him and care—rohan got away with a loooot of shit.

he didn’t start receiving discipline until he was scouted by bc entertainment.

despite his messy hair, distinct style, and overall vibe, he fit the bill somehow.

the two years he spent in practice changed him a little as a person; for better.

he found a new love in dancing, and he was naturally pretty great at it tbh.

his background made him extremely coordinated, flexible, and really strong.

his fearlessness made him bold enough to try out new moves or stunts.

two years later, he débuted as a main dancer and kept his impulses at bay.

this isn’t exactly what he saw himself doing in life, but he wasn’t mad at it.

over time, his image began to shift into sexier and “stud-lier” territory.

his outfits became more revealing and he was treated differently in public.

this... fucks him up a lot because it’s the exact opposite of how he is.

he’s just some skater / parkour punk that gives off dumb big bro vibes.

how on earth do they expect him to be portray and convey sexy 24/7?

as this is more of a “job” to him than passion, he does what they tell him to.

so long as his checks get signed and he accumulates wealth, he’s good.

𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞.

as mentioned above, rohan gives off very douchey “big brother” vibes.

he’ll pick on you, tease you, pull pranks on you, etc. all in the name of fun.

he’ll go too far sometimes, and he’ll feel bad, but has “no regrets.” 😎 lol.

lowkey loooves anime and draws his own bad sketches; also into sci-fi.

underneath the dumb, douchebag exterior is just a big ol’ nerd, that’s all.

if you’re a cute guy, he’ll DEFINITELY flirt with you—taken or not taken lol.

he’s someone that hasn’t really let being an idol ruin his personal life tbh??

he still does whatever the fuck he wants within the constraints of his contract.

though, whenever he gets “bored,” he does things he’s not supposed to.

bc entertainment’s warned him of being careful not to injure himself, but...

i don’t really think he cares at this point in his career; he likes more freedom.

little random, but he loooves underground / indie rock music and rap, too.

one of those assholes that doesn’t really listen to any other idol music lmao.

to be fair though, he’s not really a massive fan of knight’s music either. 😁

he just sings or raps whatever they tell him to and rolls with the punches.

lowkey wants to take up tattooing and graffiti at some point, he’s that guy.

loooves to talk and meet new people, even if they find him a li’l annoying.

whenever he’s stressed, angry, upset, hungry... he shows it with aggression.

it’s never gotten intense much, but he’s not much of a sensitive “crier” yk.

there’s more of him for me to discover as time goes on, so that’s it for rn!

𝖕𝖑𝖔𝖙-𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖘.

no plots page yet, sry :/// i’ve been a little busy this week rip.

some ideas will be below though so lmk if they appeal to you!

one, he’s definitely known to ghost people, so... maybe your muse is one of ‘em? like, this would be locked to males in the lgbt community, but you know. give him some really awkward encounters to make him feel like shit for ditching you after tons of sweet talk. sad thing is, he’s aware of it, and it’s mostly because of his schedule, but also ??? he’s just having fun, you know. he doesn’t wanna get tied down to anything right now.

two, maybe that ONE GIRL he tried to fuck with at the beginning of his career. while he knows he’s always been attracted to men, i think he would’ve convinced himself to at least try it out with a woman to make sure he wasn’t also interested in them, too. he’s a MASSIVE flirt and sweet talker, definitely made her feel special, but like... it never really went anywhere because... he just wasn’t into it, but didn’t wanna make her mad lmao. clearly ended up in a break-up and it could be both an ugly or pretty ending imo idk.

three, i’d DIE if other muses in famed were super into skating, or anime, or really any of his interests, too, and they’ve formed a “club” of sorts? just your local band o’ dirtbags who get together and fuck shit up a little bit here and there. i feel like this could be open to anyone who shares any of his interests tbh ??? maybe closer to his age is preferred, but honestly, i’m here to discuss whatever! i’m all for compromises and shit tbh.

four, maybe someone’s he’s lowkey seeing ( male, male-presenting lock ) that he’s really vibing with, but he just can’t... feasibly reason why he should have a bf right now. he’s got a lot going on, so he’s kind of a flake, but at the same time, he doesn’t intend to be an asshole to them. they’re maybe one of the only people he’s “softer” with. can end up romantic or platonic depending on how they handle it together, me thinks!

five, a dance partner or two would be pretty cool tbh! he’s not a dancer first, so he likes to dance with other people who are passionate about it to learn from ‘em. he can handle his own with choreography, but doesn’t have his own distinct style, so he’d really appreciate all the help he can get in becoming better ig? all in the name of work!

six, maybe a person who fucking HAAAATES him because they find him really annoying and super douchey, so they just... avoid him at all costs. however, he kinda picks up on the fact that they avoid him, so he pesters them even worse, which doesn’t end well... ever. this is definitely more open to anyone tbh and we can plan as we go!

seven, flipside where it’s someone that he CAN’T stand because he finds them really persnickety, snobby, and rude as fuck. if there’s one thing he hates A LOT, it’s bratty rich kids with silver spoons in their mouths. like, if this was a “the outsiders” verse, he’d be a greaser 1000000%, not a soc. lmao. he’d butt-heads with this person a fuck-ton.

eight, however many guys wanna piece of him, he’s happy to have a catalogue of fwb’s he calls on. he’s definitely not someone who says no to a good time, and he can act like a perfect boyfriend if that’s what you want. sadly, this’ll always be a temporary game. any of these fwb’s can go in many directions and can be plotted out individually!

nine, the age old question... “who’s your ideal type?” under pressure, he said you as a joke ( because of this, it could be male or female ) and now, fans of your respective groups ship you two together all the time. it’s a little awkward, and you two haven’t really talked about it much, but here you are... at a shared event sitting next to each other. how do you handle it? what do you do? is it awkward or all in good fun?

ten, someone who kinda hates that he doesn’t really take being an “idol” all the serious. he’s got a lot of shit on his bucket list he wants to do and he doesn’t let fame fuck with that, so he’s careless. he didn’t go into this business because of passion, it’s just where he ended up. your muse doesn’t like that, and thinks people like him are lazy as fuck.

#‏‏‎ ‎* ( 유로한 ) ╱ intro.#‏‏‎ ‎* ( 유로한 ) ╱ plot call.

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flying-elliska · 3 years

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Ellie I’m so sorry you’re going through this but I actually want to say thank you for posting so openly about your diagnoses and struggles because I am going through something very similar, and it’s actually helped me reach out for help with my mental health. I’m 32 and after my moms death last year I am discovering that not only am I fairly certain that I have ADHD but, I’m starting to realize that I have spent my whole life dealing with Emotional Incest from my mother and that’s something I do not know how to even approach.

I have literally felt like I’ve been going crazy and functioning in the world is becoming harder and harder each day. I feel like I don’t have a handle on anything and I am constantly overwhelmed to a point where I don’t know how to cope but seeing you dealing with this is giving me some hope. I know I’m probably not the only person you’ve helped indirectly so please know that you’re not only helping yourself but you’re encouraging me and probably others to do the same. I really hope you find some peace and happiness today.

Anon 💖💖💖 thanks for reaching out, it means so much. I actually had a good (but exhausting) day - I confronted an acquaintance about him being a clueless asshole to some of my other friends, which I don't think I would have had the guts to do in the past. So maybe not peace and happiness, but definitely some satisfaction.

First of all I am very proud of you for reaching out and I am glad I could help in whatever small way I could. I am also sorry for what you went through and still have to deal with. I know it sucks. I am right there too rn in feeling how much it sucks. I think it's an important step to recognize that. IT FUCKING SUCKS. Because personally for a loooong time I was just pretending everything was fine, making excuses for the people who hurt me, but I was just running myself ragged and feeling so hollow and splintered and just.... And coming to a point where i'm finally looking these things in the face, and all that buried crap resurfaces...it's honestly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, just putting some of these things to paper, trying to do this all month, it's so ughhhhhhh fuck man. It's ugly work, I hate it, but at the same time, sometimes, it feels empowering too and like I am returning to myself and picking up all these shattered pieces and recognizing that part of me that suffered and deserved better that I tried so hard to deny and deaden. Reclaiming my ability to control my own narrative.

So honestly from what you're describing, I think it's very logical that you are having a hard time and feel overwhelmed. Hell, they say during recovery at the beginning it generally gets worse for a while before it gets better. So...even tho it sucks, in a sense, it might be a good thing ? I know it is for me. Much better than previous numbness and dissociation. The pain of truth is purifying - it's so different from the pain of secrets and shame festering in silence. Am I coping very well right now ? No, but I'm learning, and I'm also having these occasional moments of inner reconciliation and mending that feel miraculous ; like that scared, confused inner little girl I used to be feels increasingly less alone and trampled over.

Anyway the good news is that when it comes to ADHD, treatment has a high chance to have a radical positive impact, it's one of the diagnoses where finding the right combo of therapy/meds/lifestyle changes leads to some of the highest rates of positive change. So I really hope you get there.

The rest is...yeah I don't know how to deal with that either, I'm still figuring it out. My relationship with my mother was for so long such a fucking clusterfuck of layers of manipulation, unaddressed generational trauma, repressed grief, good intentions, petty cruelty, inappropriate behavior, unfortunate circumstances and neglect, over projection and blind devotion and gaslighting, enmeshment and lack of boundaries, abuse done for "your own good" with a smile and a reasonable explanation - it made me feel insane for so long, like I couldn't trust my own feelings or perceptions. And every time I felt like I had addressed one layer I hit on something else, to the point where I started to feel like I would never be free of it. I haven't seen her or properly talked to her in like, seven years and still all this time I was struggling with it - it was necessary to cut contact tho, to assert that boundary. And then to keep building boundaries from there, slowly, frustratingly, to keep digging and asking myself questions. I got stuck and lost so many times, but I feel like I'm finally reaching the end of the tunnel, because knowledge is one of the most powerful things in the world.

Real talk, the emotional incest thing ? I think my mother had a similar dynamic with her own father. And she tried to do better, but because she was unwilling to look at the true ugliness of the situation, instead choosing to wallpaper over it with magical thinking, everything-will-be-fine-if-i-convince-myself-it-is, and an obsession with moral purity, she ended up doing a massive amount of damage of her own. And I am not doing that.

There is a radical power that comes with facing the ugliness head on that I am claiming for myself, and it seems that you are embarking on a similar journey. It's a big thing so we can't do it all at once. I think doing sth like this you have to pace yrself, to chew off little piece by piece, to digest bit by bit, to let some things rot and dissolve, to go through many cycles of doubt and indignity and revelation, to hunt for the truth on pure Instinct and desperate need, to claw off a path from the dark and the impossible, to consider incompatible and paradoxical truths, to let every new bit of knowledge work its way through you and make you stronger and stranger and more yourself. To let yrself be a little bit crazy and seething and deranged, to shake loose the confines of what you thought was reasonable, to find gifts and allies in unlikely places. To expose, to open up, little by little, to find scraps of words that turn into full sentences, to take back power by finding the right name of things. And then, one day, we'll give birth to ourselves this time and we'll find the sun-bleached bones of this horror and make it into jewelry. Or something.

You don't have a handle on things ? Good ! It's probable you have had a handle on things for way too long. Your handle is probably completely broken. So I don't know you, but maybe this is good, in all its harsh inconvenient terrifying way. I know I had to throw away the handle I had first to build a new one. And flying loose for a moment which yeah ! Fucking scary. But also kind of badass, in that private way maybe nobody will ever know but you and so it's extra important you give yourself that credit.

Anyway I'm rambling but I do hope some of this gives you some extra validation. I'm here if you want to talk more, including by message. I know it's helped me so much to read abt other people's experiences, so. It's like a chain of courage, and you can be part of that too.

Also books have helped me so much - some fiction, but especially of late 'Tiny Beautiful Things' by Cheryl Strayed - she's an advice columnist who writes about some super gnarly stuff in such a direct, humane, powerful way, it gave me a lot of strength.

Power and solace to you, anon. 🌸💪🌸💪

#abuse tw #emotional incest tw #personal

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years

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Life’s pause button // Joker x Reader // fluff, soft.

It was pointed out to me a few days ago by someone very special to me that I haven’t written anything for me in a long time. I went through my masterlist and found the last time - about a month ago. I adore writing for others, but I stopped writing pieces for me because I thought I was being annoying, selfish etc. so I focused on requests instead and I’ve fallen a bit out of the loop with writing for me. I want to get back into touch with that part of me; I sorely miss it.

It used to be my favourite time of day, indulging myself in my craft for me. I always did it when I was tired and sleepy so everything was softer and more real than it already is skskskk. And I miss Joker, too. He’s my everything and I don’t even want to consider who I’d be without him at this stage of my life. I hope he isn’t upset or angry or disappointed in me because I let this one thing go for a short time. I feel like all I do is let him down, and I hate it. I wish I could let myself give in. To lose control, just once.

Summary: It’s 15:49 and you’re sleepy. You’ve barely done anything all day other than read a little and stare at the wall, but you’re tired and craving sleep. What better way to spend time with Joker than to invite him to nap with you?

Warnings: Self-indulgent, fully self-insert. Some swearing bc I have no self-control xp reader is a student of an unspecified level but it’s irrelevant to the piece so it can be discarded x reader + Joker also married, and there’s some venting in here too bc I really don’t feel mentally good rn skskskk. It’s becoming my new normal. Also talks of skipping meals (briefly, only two sentences).

The paragraphs between the two ‘----’ marks are in Joker’s perspective; the rest are all in the reader’s perspective. I hope this isn’t too confusing sksksk.

Word count: 2, 693.

Sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard as you were did your hands cradle a copy of Pride and Prejudice, one of the books which you were currently studying. It had been a favourite in your teenage years, a book which you had read times over, but even so had some of that innate joy been taken from you with the knowledge that this time was it for a grade. You preferred to learn for the sake of it. Only when letters and numbers, percentiles and the like were attached did you find yourself wanting to resist learning, even if you enjoyed the topic at hand. A contrary creature were you.

You had barely slept last night, only six hours, so eager had you been to spend some real time with Joker that you had stayed up way past your bedtime, and woken up at your usual time, too. This would doubtless be to blame for your perceived lack of productivity today, as it was every day, but you were allowed to be kind to yourself from time to time, especially with the world being the way that it was. In any case, Joker had been quietly concerned at your obvious lack of a routine bedtime. You had certainly slipped off the rails these last few weeks in all walks of life, and though he longed to help you, in the end was there little he could do for you. You were your own person and you were self-aware to a fault; if you wanted his help, you would ask. Until then, well... He’d just have to be patient.

You yawned for the seventh time in almost an hour. Coffee, though you drank it at the same rate Joker smoked, wasn’t touching you this day and you knew that there was only one option for you if you wanted to spend the latter half of this day in a lighter state, your mind no longer fogged by the tangible sense of sleepiness:

You had to take a nap.

You had only read through and taken notes on forty seven pages in the last two hours, but the ink stains were beginning to blur, the outer edges of your vision cloudy, and you were yawning far too frequently; your eyes watering with each one. You wondered if you were yawning because you were just that sleepy, or if you were yawning because you were yawning.

In the end, it mattered not, for your body won out, as always it must, and you used your pen as a bookmark, placing your university approved copy of the book on top of the newspaper which rested on the nightstand, the words Eat the rich blazoned across the front page.

As you got ready to take a nap, your body almost vibrating in the face of the physical relief which would be coming to it very soon, it was your act of shutting the bedroom door with a firm click which alerted your Joker to your intentions. You always left the bedroom door open when you were studying. Joker was your reason, your purpose, your muse, and it wasn’t unusual for there to be a head poking around the living room door for a few seconds, just so that you could take him all in and be reminded of why you did what you did, and who you did it for. It definitely wasn’t for you.

You also left the room open as a sign of trust; you trusted that Joker would know that you were there for him at any time for anything even if you were busy, that he would know that you were okay and that he didn’t need to check on you often, though of course you appreciated it every time he did, that he would know that even though the door was open, you still needed to work and an open door wasn’t necessarily an invitation.

-----

At this time of the day and knowing about you what he did after all the years you had been together and all the things you had overcome, there was only one reason you would shut the bedroom door, and from his position on the sofa did Joker strain his ears, listening for -

There it is.

The curtains in the bedroom were quickly pulled across the pole, and Joker continued listening with a growing smirk on his painted visage as he heard the bed springs creak and groan in protest. There was no point in going to join you now. You may have laid down but there would at least thirty more position changes before you got comfortable enough to nap. The amount of caffeine you drank coupled with the worn springs of the old mattress which dug into your back at very specific angles made it hard for you to get comfortable.

-----

You lay on your back in the double bed, your eyes stinging now that the presence of sleep was strong. Your hands were resting across your abdomen, your fingers playing with your wedding ring. You would have to take it off to sleep soon, and you always felt irrationally guilty for having to do so. The ring had sharp edges so it could cut your face in your sleep, but it also had the unfortunate and uncomfortable tendency of getting caught in your hair.

The duvet was pulled right up to just beneath your eyes, self-conscious were you of the double chin which you thought was there. Often did you put the back of your hand underneath your chin to feel for it, but rarely was it there. Since you had started only eating two meals a day had it slowly disappeared, and you were happy with the lack of your double chin now. Joker hadn’t said anything about you skipping a meal a day - it was usually lunch which you skipped, so entangled were you with your daily hobbies and hours of study. Or, that was what you told yourself. You knew the reality of it: you were lazy. Joker knew about it, of this you were sure, but he knew not to push you until you were ready to talk about it, if you wanted to talk about it. Pushing you before you were ready would only make you clam up further, and that would only exacerbate the issue at hand.

You rolled over, your back to the door. You were lying on the side furthest from the door, which was your side, but you had switched pillows with Joker. The scent of his hair dye, of your shampoo, for smelling like you did he like, the scent of greasepaint and of the cigarettes he wasn’t supposed to smoke in bed but you couldn’t say no to him for anything and you both knew it, and of something distinctly Joker filled your nostrils, and the way that the pillow seemed to perfectly cradle your weary head, the way the worn mattress was suddenly comfortable... You were definitely tired. You closed your eyes with a relieved sigh, moving so that one of your legs was outstretched fully and the other was bent at the knee.

You were so tired.

As such, it didn’t take long for you to fall right to the edge of sleep. Your body positively melted into the warm mattress beneath you, the duvet perfectly sheltered you from the natural chill of the apartment, and you shifted your body, wanting to feel that familiar, heartbreakingly comforting presence in the bed beside you.

You thought about going to get Joker, you really did, but your mind was blissfully quiet; your own racing and raging thoughts too far away from you. They were there but so distant were they that it barely mattered. At this moment was Joker also far away from you. You wanted him desperately, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to even open your eyes...

“Awh,” A soft, hushed coo from the doorway, which you hadn’t heard creak open in your mostly sleepy state, alerted you to Joker’s presence, and you grinned into the duvet, truly burrowing down. Unsure were you if Joker was there or if you were imagining it, but your brief, hazy thoughts were dashed away by the gentle padding footsteps, the rustling and subsequent shedding of clothes and the weight of the mattress behind you as Joker slid easily into bed. “Are you sleeping, darling?”

“No,” You mumbled, slowly turning over to face Joker, “Just...I feel so drained. Needed a nap or somethin’. Don’t know.” Your voice was quiet, your tone soft, and you couldn’t have hidden the emotions within your voice if you had tried.

Joker hummed contemplatively. Even half asleep as you were did you know that he was extracting what you hadn’t said from the words you had spoken. From there would he compare it to what he already knew about you, after all these years, and what had worked last time in the same situation; for often did you resort to naps when you were physically tired, but also when you just didn’t know what else to do. You often called napping “the pause button” on life, and sometimes was it simply the “reset button”. When you were in an especially morbid mood, however, you called naps and sleep in general “death with benefits”. It never failed to make Joker chuckle, and it was one which he had studiously recorded in his battered old brown journal, marked with the date and time you had first said it, and surrounded with blotted ink asymmetrical love hearts and crooked smiley faces.

“Do you want your clown blanket?” Even with the question was Joker already sitting up, a growing smirk on his face as he got to watch your face light up like a christmas tree. You loved your clown blanket, and Joker knew it.

You squeaked and shifted your body so that you were lying flat on your back. “Please! I love my clown blanket!” You brought your arms up, too, raising them above your head, so that you could be tucked in by Joker.

Joker hummed appreciatively as he lowered himself down onto you, touching his forehead to yours as his arms encircled your back. He shifted his entire body onto you, your legs entangled and bodies perfectly aligned, and then you brought your arms around Joker. “I know you do.” Joker’s voice with thick with pride and with love. “Your clown blanket loves you, too.”

You squeezed your eyes shut tight as you hugged him to you, Joker grunting and then huffing in amusement. At first he had been confused when you had asked him for a clown blanket, but then when you had asked him to lay atop you and make himself everything that you knew, he had burst into a series of giggles which were punctuated by the cutest hiccups you had ever heard in your life as understanding had dawned upon his angelic features.

You already felt a million times better as you burrowed your face in Joker’s neck, taking the time to just breathe him in. You pursed your lips to feather sleepy kisses to his neck, your mouth clumsy as you loved on Joker as best as you could. “I love you, Joker. I love you, I love you, I - “

A soft coo of understanding, of love, rumbled through Joker’s chest as he dipped his head to kiss you, his painted lips soft and gentle against your own. He pressed his lips to yours once, twice, thrice, before he pressed his lips to yours a fourth time and moved his mouth against yours, his hot pink tongue darting out of the warm cavern of his mouth to coax your own out to play; you allowed Joker to ravish your mouth with his, your arms sliding down, down, to rest upon his hips. “I love you too, Y/N. So much. You’re my everything. Like music.”

Your heart stopped in your chest and then picked right up as tears sprung to your eyes. “Joker, I - “

Another hum. So emotionally intertwined were you that any emotion you felt as an individual echoed in the heart of the other; you shared your pain, your love, and any of your emotions. It was like there was a string tied between your ribs; any twinge from one heart was felt as clearly in the other as if it was your own. You spoke to each other most succinctly and most often without any words at all, so well did you know each other. Communication and trust was the core of your relationship, as in any good and healthy relationship, and you and Joker had reached such a point that clear communication came as easily to the two of you as breathing.

In Joker’s hum did you hear acceptance and an abundance of love. “I know, Y/N. I know.” His soft whisper, those tender sea green eyes, the way Joker pressed his painted forehead to yours as he nuzzled into you, his arms so solidly around you, his legs between yours, his chest rising and falling with your own and the familiar weight of him atop your body... you felt your eyes sliding closed of their own accord. Your eyelids were so heavy and you were falling, falling...

The time for words was over. You needed to sleep, and Joker needed you in your rawest, most vulnerable state, desperate was he to know that you trusted and loved him. Even now, even after all that he had said and done.

There was movement as Joker moved down the bed so that he could rest his head on your chest, your heartbeat, strong and steady in his ear. Your entire body was surrounded by Joker and all that he was, all that he is and all that he would ever be, and he pressed kisses to your clothed chest, nuzzling your body.

You pulled the duvet over you more securely, Joker’s head completely hidden from you. This was his favourite sleeping position. He adored it as much as you did. You shifted your hips, spread your legs, so that Joker could fit more comfortably in his current position, and slowly, slowly, your arms feeling like lead, did your hands find his romantic green curls. Your fingernails scrapped against his scalp and Joker shivered. If he were a cat would he be purring, so content and so relaxed was he.

This.

This was what you had been needing, what you had been missing. A serene, sleepy smile was on both of your faces as you gave and took comfort in equal measures, so highly attuned to one another and to the core needs of your relationship were you.

There was no Joker without you, and there was no you without Joker. You kept each other safe from harms which existed in people and in the outside world, but most importantly did you keep each other safe from yourselves.

Before you could fully succumb to your sleep, though, did you have to speak your deepest, most special truth:

“I love you, Joker.” You were barely coherent, clinging were you to the precipice of consciousness in your mind by your fingertips.

You felt Joker turn his head so that he could kiss your clothed chest and a muffled, “I love you too.” filtered through the gaps in the duvet, caressing your ears like the gentlest, most natural of winds.

All you had was each other, all you had was love, but that was all you needed. Just you and Joker, just like this. There was nothing like the two of you, and there never would be again. It was a once in a lifetime bond, a connection of two of the rarest souls to grace the earth at the same time, but if it was done right, and it was, then it only had to be done once. For in any universe, in any timeline and in any alternative or parallel universe would you find each other, again and again and again; your souls merely being re-introduced each time.

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arlocedwards · 4 years

Text

╰ ✧ HARRY STYLES. MUSE NINE. PANSEXUAL ❞ say hello to the s club’s very own ARLO EDWARDS! a TWENTY-FOUR YEAR OLD, CISMALE that goes by HE/HIM pronouns. i heard they were voted BEST SHOULDER TO CRY ON in high school, which says a lot about them because they’re very IDEALISTIC and INTUITIVE, but watch out for their DETACHED and DESTRUCTIVE side as well. i hope they’re ready to take a break from being a MUSICIAN and finally get this summer started! ( kt / 24 / pst / she/her )

hiya! i am kt &+ underneath the read more is some info about my bb, arlo. ** insert clown emoji but make him yee-haw **

trigger warning : death .

NAME: arlo cornelius edwards. GENDER: cismale. PRONOUNS: he, him. AGE: twenty-four ( 24 ). BIRTHDAY: february 14th. ZODIAC: aquarius !! HOMETOWN: kent, england. ORIENTATION: pansexual OCCUPATION: drummer. LANGUAGES SPOKEN: english & french. FACECLAIM: harry styles ~ currently featuring long hair. :’-)

kt’s note: I KNOW THIS IS SO LONG, SO IF YOU DON’T READ IT, I WILL NOT GET OFFENDED.

but, just read this so y’know what you’re getting yourself into when interactions open : death tw: arlo will be joining this summers reunion coming from his parents home, post-funeral, trying to escape boxing up his brothers stuff and wanting to not be pitied. :’-( my boy is going through it, so his typical behavior and personality is gonna be v muted for a while.

ᴀʀʟᴏ'ꜱ ʙᴀᴄᴋɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ

arlo was born in kent, england. i know what you’re wondering, and yes, he does have an accent. :’-) his family moved to new york when he was five years old because arlo’s father was offered a high level position within his company.

arlo was born into a loving family, him being the middle child. he has two supportive parents, sasha edwards (his mother), & carter edwards (his father). there are two years separating him from both his older brother and younger sister. his older brother ( now deceased ) was named holden edwards, and his little sister is named ivy edwards. his older brother can be imagined as eric matthews from boy meets world ( at the end of the day, they were bffs ) & his little sister is quite literally cher horowitz from clueless mixed w/ a splash of bianca stratford from 10 things i hate about you ( they are polar opposites which makes for a fun dynamic !! )

growing up, arlo enjoyed playing all types of sports - there truly wasn’t anything that he wasn’t really good at, and that’s simply because he’s always been such a competitive individual. he would go home and practice a skill or trick for hours in order to be able to come back the next day and whoop everyone’s asses. he will fight you over board games and make alliances in monopoly to mess w/ you.

his interest in taking up an instrument kicked in when he was seven years old. he and his dad were driving back from a hockey game together late at night, and his dad played him the song moby dick by led zeppelin & he knew it was something that he wanted to pursue bc “john bonham was a genius.” ~ arlo vc. and so his dad gifted him a drum set on his eighth birthday !! :’-) soft. but over the years he was exposed to other instruments and can also play the guitar, piano, and he has a nice set of pipes !! harry styles being his vc as well ~ makes it easy. he really wants to learn the saxophone tho??? don’t get him started - he will go on and on and on.

throughout highschoool ; arlo was a v dedicated student. although he’s a bit reckless and loved to goof off, he was always acing classes and applying himself. he genuinely cares for others, you could’ve seen his ass volunteering at a soup kitchen with his mom on sundays and what not! just soft things.

until now - now anti-soft. hard things. sdgjdjgd okay, so, arlo is A Mess™️. and i say that with so much love in my bones. arlo is the type of friend that is honest, and all about tough love when it’s needed. he doesn’t mind getting into a fight or two if he knows its worth the outcome he’s envisioned. he will tell you when you’re fucking up, and if you’re throwing a punch as a result - catch him leaning into it. this ties in l8r !!

he’s just a bit desperate to feel against following the death of his brother & also post-break up with shanley? ( which give me one hot sec and i’ll go into those v soon ) but overall he just wants to feel like himself again, y’know ?? don’t we all. amen & what not. to break it down, he just feels so intensely that he ends up numbing himself in the aftermath of it all, and he’s sadly willing to put himself into harms way in order to get a bit of that - happiness / pain, it doesn’t matter to him as long as he no longer feels numb. so, if ya see him with some scrapes and stitches ~ MIND YA BUSINESS.

arlo’s lurve life : woo ! okay, welcome back -- let’s get into it. so shanley and arlo dated throughout hs and into their first year of college, for a whopping five years together before they broke up. god if you’ve made it this far, i applaud you...but hmu and let me know your fav color, okay? like and comment below ?? subscribe ?? thx. OKAY BACK TO BUSINESS. in case you’re wondering who broke up with who, gosh so nosy, let me just tell you ‘twas arlo. he did it, we can unfollow his ass now. BUT ~ he didn’t want to ? y’know. he felt like due to the long distance, she was missing out on college experiences and her waiting by the phone for him to call was just sad, and he felt guilty. he wanted her to enjoy her time and felt as if he was weighing her down. although he did try make an effort to fix this doing by visiting her that weekend at her university in chicago, but when he came across her with friends he felt stupid and bailed back to cali again. a couple months later he called her, hoping to apologize for his poor judgement and admit to his mistake of ending the relationship, but she wasn’t the one who answered the phone. arlo assumed the random guy who answered was shanley’s new boyfriend (although , he was shanley’s roommates boyfriend but my sad dumb ass boi didn’t know ). arlo only assumed the voice belonged to shan’s bf bc he swears the voice distinctly said “coming, babe!” ( although he did, just not to shanley) and ever since arlo’s been a bit jaded when it comes to romance. shanley called him back later that day, and arlo shrugged her off bc he was jealous af and drunk - claiming he “butt dialed her and it wouldn’t happen again.” :’-( since then they haven’t been in contact.

he was so in love with shanley, and despite him being the one to end things, he’s never fully gotten over her. he’s definitely hooked up with other people, but my boy is not the committing type after that relationship.

after high school, arlo attended stanford university, as they offer one of the best criminal law programs across the nation. wahoo ! yahtzee !

after graduating college, arlo moved to san francisco & moved in with ali !! they have a nice little place overlooking the golden gate bridge w/ quality acoustics for their creative music projects. / also where he currently lives !! :’-) we love a bromance.

while in san francisco, arlo attended university to continue on pursuing his law degree and after two years was able to graduate with his juris doctor.

TRIGGER WARNING : DEATH / CAR ACCIDENT / DRUNK DRIVING. the death of his brother is very recent, like four weeks ago recent. arlo and his brother were road tripping across the states back to their family home in NY to visit their parents, when a drunk driver struck the driver side of their vehicle, which on impact killed his brother. arlo has survivors guilt as a result from the accident. he and his brother had switched seats a couple minutes prior to the collision, after arlo had asked to switch with him in order to rest for a bit. :’-( miraculously, arlo was unscathed in the greater scheme of all things injury-based. he’s entering the villa w/ a couple broken ribs, broken left arm and scrapes/cuts. so plz sign his cast.

post-break up with shanley, they had some type of unspoken agreement of trading off years of who gets to attend the summer( aka who has custody of the sclub ) and so last year, arlo did not attend. however, this year, they somehow got their info wrong about who was going / not going, so they have found themselves here at the same time. this being the first time they’ve seen each other since holidays during their first year of college previous to their break up. so get ready for some spice.

last summer, since arlo wasn’t attending the sclub reunion, he was taking the california state bar exam. which is only offered twice a year - he opted for the one in july and passed! :’-) he spent some time after the exam in europe with hastrid. <3

however, arlo will be joining this summers reunion coming from his parents home, post-funeral, trying to escape boxing up his brothers stuff and wanting to not be pitied. :’-( my boy is going through it, so his typical behavior and personality is gonna be v muted for a while.

ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴᴀʟɪᴛʏ

overall : arlo truly strives to be kind, and genuinely wants for everyone to get along. treat people with kindness and the like. he has the best of intentions, but often times that can get a bit muddled with the way he goes about things due to his chaotic energy. he will do anything to lighten a dark mood, and will sacrifice / throw himself under the bus if its needed. however, he also is the type to cause the dark mood depending on the day.

however rn, with his current state of mind, arlo is just going through the motions. numbing himself with unhealthy outlets and has a different type of mentality. definitely engaging in a bit of the more chaotic activities, as well as leaving everyone alone to their own vices as well. whereas his typical behavior would be more so attempting to lead them onto a better path if it meant well for their overall wellbeing.

habits : smoking cigarettes ( ali likely nags him bc they aren’t herbal ) . staying up into the early hours of the morning, and yet somehow still an early riser ( hence, he drinks an absurd amount of coffee ). yeah, hence. - get it, from the house bunny? sdjfkngdg any who, he’s in a phase of numbing via alcohol and drugs rn.

personality type : INTP - T / THE LOGICIAN

moral alignment : chaotic good

tarot card : the hermit ( currently )

character inspo : connor walsh from how to get away with murder, jess mariano from gilmore girls, & ambrose spellman from chilling adventures of sabrina ( literally his #1 ranked personality match on a quiz i took ) !! so, we have that ! and also a heavy sprinkle of seth cohen from the o.c.

ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ

the album ‘fine line’ by golden child, harry styles in this case will be used as a hc for arlo. arlo wrote and recorded the album - all songs included, with his muse being shanley over the course of the last couple of years. he’s just kind of been sitting on the entire thing, never really feeling it was the right time to release his work/side solo project...but later this summer, he may just leak it. :’-)

arlo is a vegetarian ! he has been since his freshman year of high school.

those who inspire him : roger taylor, mick jagger, alex van halen, john bonham.

LUNA : ali and arlo co-founded the band with friends edie dorn and guy perkins in junior high. playing gigs where they could as often as possible. arlo was on lead vocals, ali as lead guitarist, edie on bass, and guy on drums. although when it came down to recording and what not they seemed to bounce around when it came to other instruments - v experimental. the band took off in college, prior to something strange and over the years they’ve produced numerous albums and have won a couple awards.

red roses are his Thing™️ ; fans of the band will walk up and hand him them. i think that’s soft. and i am here for it.

he loves fancy wine ~ he’s cultured.

fun fact : dirty dancing is v much so a sharlo movie. they used to practice and be able to successfully pull of the jump & lift dance move literally just for fun / bc they wanted to. after nailing the lift, they learned the entire dance - i can't. dfjkgndjkg SOFT.

arlo has all of harry’s tattoos !! makes it simpler, might add more along the way !! stay tuned, folks !!

also the ‘ h & s ‘ rings that will be seen in photographs later on are for his brother, holden, and bbg, shanley </3

arlo is a gucci enthusiast - having much of his closet filled with staple pieces over the years. to further his love for the brand, he was recently asked to be in an upcoming campaign for the fall season - he’s v jazzed about it.

ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ

𝖌𝖔𝖔𝖉 𝖎𝖓𝖋𝖑𝖚𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊 ( open connection ) : with arlo being a bit chaotic in nature, he needs somebody that is likely going to steer him clear from all the ideas that’ll bring him to the brink of disaster. he’s impulsive and in that desperate attempt to feel again, he’s very likely to bring a bit of mayhem upon himself. so while they may constantly worrying and attempting to talk his ideas down, he’s trying to get them to go along with his plan. it may be rare that he actually takes their advice, but when he does it seems to be for the best.

𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉 / 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖋𝖎𝖉𝖆𝖓𝖙 ( open connection ) : these two know how to have a good time together. despite the amount of alcohol they are throwing back and the shenanigans they find themselves in as a result, this is a time where they also find themselves confiding in one another. if you look at their camera rolls, it’s likely they have tons of embracing and unflattering videos and pics of one another, in between their sob-worthy confessionals and venting/rants. these two trust one another, and although they love getting wreckT together, they find themselves discussing very raw and personal details.

open to other connection you may have in mind! :’-) LMK!!!! <3 i love me some chemistry !!!

ᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ( featured on arlo’s connections page here !! )

𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖇𝖊𝖓𝖊𝖋𝖎𝖙𝖘 ( taken - simon peralta ) : these two went through rough break ups of their own, and a rebound didn’t sound too bad to either of them at the time things started. it may not occur all the time, but they sometimes still find themselves offering up to one another. this occurred more frequently then any of arlo’s one night stands, obvi, but it never surpassed anything other than the physical aspect of their relationship. the nature of their relationship outside of the bedroom can go either way !!! :’-)

𝖆 𝖇𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖘 ( taken - ali mallick ) : as if living together for the past two years wasn’t enough, ali & arlo are also roommates every summer that arlo attends the sclub reunions. these two are always laughing, and saying some ridiculous ish. you’ll likely hear loud jam sessions and howling laughter / the occasional excited shouting back and forth from their room in the late hours. they are truly nothing but a good time and tbh, they know it. that and the fact that they have the best hair in the villa. djfgnjkdfg FIGHT ME !!

𝖍𝖎𝖌𝖍 𝖘𝖈𝖍𝖔𝖔𝖑 𝖘𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖘 ( taken - shanley evans ) : these two began their relationship in their freshman year of high school - spending five years together before breaking up in their freshman year of college. * cries in sharlo * they were the “it” couple, no pennywise included … unless ? anyways, everyone thought that they were going to get married, and arlo was v much in love / thinking shanley was his romantic soulmate. yet when they did break up everyone was shookith - even the birds and the bees.

𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖞 𝖜𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖗𝖔𝖔𝖒𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖘 𝖇𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖘 ( taken - ali mallick , willow finch , sirena rose ) : these four formed something strange. arlo is the drummer of the group, and also writes some songs for the group. they’ve blown up over the years and are a quite successful group.

𝖛 𝖘𝖎𝖇𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖌-𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖕 ( taken - sirena rose / willow finch ) : these two have a love/hate relationship, very sibling like filled with pranks, competition, teasing and playful banter. however, when it comes down to it they have so much love and respect for one another. they know that no matter what happens they will always have one anothers back and be supportive of the other. pure relationship.

𝖗𝖎𝖉𝖊 𝖔𝖗 𝖉𝖎𝖊 ( taken - delilah jacobs ) : ride or dies ! need i say more ?? these two have one anothers backs despite anything and everything going on otherwise. they play in to one anothers antics and enjoy one anothers presence as they can likely be seen dragging one another across town and causing a bit of mayhem together. you can catch them in their beautiful, bitch #1 & #2 tee's.

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖈 𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖕𝖆𝖓𝖎𝖔𝖓 ( taken - ramona verdez ) : it would be wrong to say one is the more likely the bad influence over the other, although arlo may just be. these two find themselves bounding into, well hell, ( i guess??? ) together. playing on one anothers impulsiveness and if one ends up in the back of a police car, the other is handcuffed to them. and yet despite the length of their potential injuries, they find themselves thinking of something crazier to subject them to the next time around. with arlo having his law degree, he’s always able to squeeze them out of trouble before it gets too serious, so trust - it’s ok !!

𝖚𝖓𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊𝖑𝖞 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘 / 𝖕𝖔𝖑𝖆𝖗 𝖔𝖕𝖕𝖔𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖊𝖘 ( taken - izzy de la rosa ) : these two may have ran in the same circle, but were complete opposites when it came down to their personalities / styles / perhaps even humor, so it was expected for them to stand their distance. however despite the odds, they just clicked !! opposites attract and what not, ya dig?? somehow their dynamic just works and they have a lot of fun together by introducing new things to one another.

#( ❛ ᴀʀʟᴏ ᴇᴅᴡᴀʀᴅꜱ | ɪɴᴛʀᴏ . )#so long - whewwww!#if you read all of this.....i owe you all of my love #schq:intro

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girlvinland · 5 years

Text

Kind of just an update of sorts -

The past two weeks were baaaaaad. Between the creepy stalker dude and health stuff it was just...not good at all. I had two meds upped, lexapro was the first one they upped bc they had to wait on bloodwork for the other. Anyway, it made me incredibly anxious and panicky and I ended up kind of melting down at work and missing two other days of work due to it. Thankfully the people I work with are super understanding and plus I’ve covered people a lot the past year so it was fine. Anyway, I think my body is finally getting used to that. But the other med was my thyroid one (diagnosed w/ hypothyroidism at 18, ty genetics) and I haven’t had that upped in like seven years. And I know it takes a few days for the new one to get your system really but I s2g I feel so much better already. Idk if it’s placebo effect or what but I swear I got more done today than I have in a while and just felt like I had more energy than usual.

I’ve also come to realize that I like HAVE to force myself to go on walks and shit bc it’s seriously one of the only things keeping my brain okay rn. I know that sounds stupid and basic but Idk something about getting my blood pumping and being outside just really helps me calm down. I’m not nearly as active as I was like ten years ago and a lot of that is due to anxiety about going out where people can see me / the thyroid issue getting worse so I guess that’s why I have to force myself, bc in the end I just feel a lot more restful. And I’m one of those people who will literally sit in one spot for most of the day if I don’t make myself move bc I don’t have something to do. Bc of my low energy level I ended up setting my fitbit to 5k steps instead of 10k bc 10k EVERY DAY is honestly just not feasible for me right now, but maybe that will change with my meds upped. I’m kind of thankful for the time being I do a lot of sitting at work bc I’ve had those jobs before where you’re on your feet all day long and I know how absolutely exhausting that can get.

Anyway, I am feeling better/hopefully this week will be better. I’m happy bc tomorrow Zeke and I are going to my fav used bookstore and to a horror-themed toy store that we realized was located here thanks to Frightmare. I sincerely don’t know how it stays in business bc Idk how many horror people live in my town lol. That reminds me though - next week there’s a horror punk show w/ a few diff bands but Idk if I have any friends in town who would go :( Most of my friends who would enjoy that live like 1-3 hours away and idk if I want to go on my own just bc being around a lot of drunk people by myself sounds not fun. Idk maybe I’ll find someone.

#by bug

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cami-chats · 5 years

Text

Not Rock ‘N Roll Good

A/N: A modern Sandor/Arya fic so I can dabble in their characterizations. I think it’s obvious but just in case: lots of language ahead!

Tags: AU- Modern Setting, Wrong Number, Getting Together, Time Skips, Blind Character, Blind Arya Stark, Identity Reveal, Minor Sexual Content

Sandor's phone chimed with a message, and he frowned. Anytime someone texted him, he was suspicious. He pulled it out and checked.

Unknown Number: Dude where the fuck are you?

Unknown Number: And you don't get to be mad at me for cursing at you because you're THIRTY MINUTES LATE

He didn't have plans with anyone, and certainly not with someone whose number wasn't in his phone, so he ignored it. It was a wrong number, they'd figure it out soon enough. Sandor turned back to the computer and looked over the schedule. Bronn was going on vacation-- or so he claimed, frankly Sandor thought he was a fucking liar-- and with Ygritte reducing her hours so she could make her internship, they were stretched thin.

Unknown Number: Are you going to show up?

Great, this person was being stood up, and Sandor was going to have to be the one to break the news.

Unknown Number: Ramsey?

He sighed, typing out a reply. To Unknown Number: Think the arse gave you the wrong number mate.

Unknown Number: Of fucking course he did

Unknown Number: What a gods cursed cunt

Unknown Number: I should have known better than to make a date with someone I met at a club

Unknown Number: Sorry dude but I'm pissed. I had to cancel with my study group for this dick

To Unknown Number: It's fine. Vent all you want maybe it'll distract me from this boring shit.

Unknown Number: WELL IN THAT CASE

Unknown Number: Jk

A little bubble showed up to signal they were typing again, and Sandor gave up pretending to look at the schedule. He already knew what was going to end up happening: he'd ask Gendry, Gendry would look at his schedule and have to say no, and Sandor would cover it himself.

Unknown Number: I know you don't know me, but it's not like I welcome random arse people to hit on me. He had to go out of his way and spend TIME convincing me to agree to this, and then he doesn't even show up.

Unknown Number: And I only agreed because it seemed like he'd hop into bed with me.

Unknown Number: I just wanted to get laid.

To Unknown Number: Have you tried sex toys? They're better than most people think.

Unknown Number: Oooo personal experience talking?

To Unknown Number: Yes. People are disappointing.

Unknown Number: Well, you're not wrong.

To Unknown Number: When was the last time you were actually satisfied with someone else in bed?

Unknown Number: Not sure it's EVER happened. Mostly I get pity fucks.

To Unknown Number: Sounds shitty. Sorry man.

Unknown Number: Woman actually. Not that I care, but I thought it was weird that you might think I'm a guy.

To Unknown Number: Well I'd offer to have sex with you but I'm busy

Unknown Number: Lol

Unknown Number: I'm willing to wait for you to be free ;)

To Unknown Number: Might be waiting a while.

Unknown Number: No offense, but does it look like I'm in a big hurry? I've got a shit ton of time to spend waiting.

Unknown Number: But I can't wait rn cause my hero in a car has come to pick me up. Talk to you later future-babe.

Sandor shook his head, mouth curving up into a smile as he set his phone to the side. Chances were that they wouldn't talk again, but it picked up his mood enough that when he got home, he made himself food instead of eating canned stew cold because he was too lazy to put it in a bowl and then the microwave.

Sandor carried his phone with him while he worked in case there was an emergency or someone needed to call in sick-- he really fucking hoped that no one did that today because it was busier than most Monday's. Everyone that wasn't an employee had notifications muted while he was working at the gym, so it wasn't until he was taking a lunch break that he saw the _ unread texts he'd accumulated since getting up this morning.

Unknown Number: I'm beginning to think that someone put a sign on my back that says 'please bug me straight boys'

Unknown Number: Seriously this is getting ridiculous ffs

Unknown Number: Aha! Mystery solved, my sister Sansa has been at work here. Well, her and her girlfriend Margaery.

Unknown Number: My name's Arya btw. It seemed weird that you knew my sister and her girlfriend's name but not mine.

Unknown Number: All these mediocre bastards are reminding me of our future plans together, and all I have to say is that I'm glad we have this (joking) agreement. Cause not once in our ten minutes of conversation did you objectify me. A high bar, I know.

Unknown Number: You should tell me your name when you see these so that when I ride my dildo tonight I can think of you ;)

Unknown Number: Gods I hope that wasn't inappropriate.

Unknown Number: Sorry if it was, I was just trying to make a joke.

Unknown Number: You know, the more I think about it, the more it seems to have been in poor taste.

Sandor added her as a contact under 'Arya, the horny one' so that he'd remember.

From Sandor: Name's Sandor. If you haven't changed your nightly plans, that is He paused, then added a winky face before he sent it, just to be sure she'd know he was joking.

From Arya, the horny one: Oh thank the gods. I have like two friends, I didn't want to lose you

From Sandor: Am I friend #2 or would I be added as #3?

From Arya, the horny one: Don't be so nosy.

From Arya, the horny one: I'm sure you'll figure it out someday.

Sandor snorted and put his phone back in his pocket.

Incoming Call From Arya. Sandor checked the screen, then frowned. They'd never called each other before, and it was late. What was she doing calling him at this hour? "What."

"Saaaaandor you answered! See Sansa I told you he would, suck my dick."

Inexplicably, he was amused. "Are you drunk?"

"Only a little. If I drink too much I can't walk straight and I bump into all kinds of shit. Nearly got ran over once."

"You did get run over!" a different woman's voice said, coming through the phone's speaker.

"You got run over?" Sandor asked, even more amused than before. Drunk people annoyed the hell out of him and he didn't have the patience for it, but right now was different. Maybe that was because he was finally hearing her voice, and while she was definitely a woman, it wasn't high-pitched enough that it felt like his ears were bleeding.

"It was a tap," she argued. "I didn't even need stitches. I've given myself worse trying to do fucking needlepoint."

"You do needlepoint?" He found that hard to believe.

"Fuck no, that's why I was able to convince my mother to let me stop. It wasn't worth the cost of bandaids."

"Sounds safe."

"You've got a sexy voice. Did I tell you that? I feel like I forgot to tell you that. I was busy proving a point to Sansa and got distracted."

Sandor snorted. "If you think my voice sounds sexy, you really do need to get laid."

"Is that an offer?"

"Fuck no. You could do better."

"Pretty sure we got talking because I haven't been able to do better. And what do you mean 'fuck no'? I'm a bloody catch, you twat!"

"How would I know? I haven't seen you."

"Well there's an easy solution to that. You free this Sunday? And I ask only to make sure you didn't make plans with your friends, I know you have the day off work."

"My friends are all working," he said drily. "I never have plans."

"Great, then you won't mind meeting up for coffee. Say, ten in the morning?"

"You want to meet me?"

"I don't know what- shut it Margaery I can walk and talk at the same time, bugger off. Pretty sure I've made it clear I want to fuck you, coffee is nothing."

"I ain't pretty, Arya. I don't know what kind of Prince Charming you've been imagining."

She snorted. "Yeah that's not gonna be a problem. I'm attracted to your voice and your personality, trust me, that'll be enough."

"I'm a miserable old shit." That much, he was sure of.

"All the more reason to get both of us laid. Happiness is one good round of sex away, do you really want to turn it down? Sunday, ten o'clock, the Godswood. I'll be the one with brown hair, a cane, and silly yellow sunglasses. If you're gonna be more than five minutes late, text me or I'm leaving. See you- seven hells Sansa! I was almost done mind your own fucking business. Bye Sandor see you then!" she called out hurriedly, like the phone was being taken from her.

"Er- bye." He hung up, then stared at his phone, bewildered. Guess he had a date. He didn't want to see what Arya's face would look like if her expression was just going to twist in disgust from his scar. He wasn't telling anyone about this. Bronn couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut, and Gendry would be all hopeful and give him that stupid puppy look and tell him that maybe he would fall in love and be happy. What a cunt.

He thought about dressing up.

He decided that was stupid.

He ended up in jeans and a worn, long sleeve shirt with his hair pulled back-- no point in trying to hide the burn scar. What was he doing? This was stupid. He wasn't so far removed from reality to believe that she'd run screaming, but it was going to change things. Arya didn't believe him when he said he was an ugly fucker, but now he was going to get to see her reaction up close and personal. Fuck everything. He still grabbed his keys and left the flat, heading towards the coffee shop she'd told him she would be at.

Fuck it all, he didn't even like coffee. Maybe they'd have something without that bitter shit in it.

Sandor grumbled to himself the entire trip there, but he showed up and that was rather telling. The shop wasn't packed, but it was comfortably full. They'd be able to have a conversation without the employees overhearing every word they said. It would also make it harder for him to find her, but what the hell. With a face like his, no one would be surprised that he was here for a blind date, and they sure as hell wouldn't be surprised if he got stood up. Not that he thought Arya would do that.

Brown hair, yellow sunglasses. She'd also mentioned a cane, but chances were he wouldn't be able to see it walking around like this. He passed three different hipster couples, and five single hipsters. Fucking hells he felt like he was going to lose his mind. Brown hair, yellow sunglasses. Brown hair, yellow- aha. Shit she hadn't been kidding when she described her sunglasses as 'silly'. They were large and garish and in the shape of stars. She had her dark hair pulled back in a half-bun, and the cane she mentioned was resting between herself and the wall. There was no drink in front of her, and her elbow was propped up on the table, resting her chin in her hand as she stared into space. She was pretty. Too damn pretty for the likes of him, but he couldn't turn around now.

"Arya?"

She turned her head. It didn't seem like she was looking at him, more like she was looking a foot from where his chest was. "Sandor?"

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Yeah that's me."

"Great," she said, grinning. "Have you gotten a drink yet? I hope not, because I'm buying." She reached for the cane and stood, and that was around the time Sandor realized it was a familiar white style. She reached out her hand, and he moved automatically, standing next to her and guiding her hand to the crook of his elbow. They started to walk. "So, did you need a drink or are you just enjoying me hanging off your arm?"

"Both."

She snorted out a laugh.

"Few steps to the line," he warned as they slowed down.

"Know what you're getting?"

"No."

"You don't drink coffee, do you?"

"Not... usually," he hedged, and she laughed, but not cruelly-- which had been Berric's reaction when he learned that Sandor didn't drink coffee.

"Yeah most of it tastes like shit. I get the turtle macchiato because it's so sweet I can't taste anything else. Do you like sweet drinks?"

He made a face and said nothing. Then he remembered that she couldn't see him and said, "Not really." He liked sugary sweet, but dessert sweet tasted like liquid cavity and he hated it.

"And you don't like coffee." She hummed, thinking it over. "I think they have tea if you'd prefer that."

He grunted and scanned the menu. They had lemonade, he'd probably try that. The line moved forward, and he urged her to take a few steps, which she easily did.

"I'm not what you expected, am I?" she asked, a bitter note in her voice.

"No. You're a hell of a lot prettier."

She sighed. "You are sending mixed signals, Sandor."

"I am?" he repeated, confused. He'd thought it was pretty clear that he was happy to be here.

She gave a tense shrug. "You're not talking much."

"I'm talking more'n I usually do."

"If you don't want this to be a date, you can say so. We'll just be two friends meeting up, there's no harm in that."

"I don't talk much," he said. When that didn't comfort her, he added, "I wouldn't worry about it."

"If you say so," she said, which was noncommittal, but her mood picked up again.

A minute later, he told her, "It's our turn."

"Hey Arya," the man behind the register said.

"Hey Sam."

"Getting your usual?" Sam asked.

"I have a usual?"

"Large hot turtle macchiato, right?"

She groaned. "I've become predictable. This is like a nightmare."

"I wouldn't say totally predictable. Who's this with you, hm?" he asked, glancing at Sandor. His eyes darted to the scar, but he didn't look overly bothered by it. That was a nice change.

Arya snorted even as she leaned into Sandor's side. "Like you wouldn't tell Jon everything I say."

"I might not."

"Man," Sandor said, "I hardly know you and even I can tell that's a lie."

He gave a sheepish smile. "Well, he is my best friend. Anything for you today, Arya's mysterious friend?"

"Lemonade."

"What size?"

"Make it a large," Arya supplied so that he didn't have to worry about it.

Sam nodded, writing the order on a cup and setting it to the side. "Anything else?"

"Not for me." She angled her head towards Sandor. "Did you want a pastry or something."

"I'm good." Pause. "Thanks."

"Okay." She reached into her pocket and pulled out her wallet. It was a simple billfold, and Sandor noticed there was braille on the front of the card. Then he averted his eyes because what the fuck was he doing looking at her bloody credit card? She handed it over, and Sam swiped it, delivering it back to her waiting hand. When the receipt printed, he pulled it off and threw it away like he'd done it a hundred times before.

"Alright, you know where the hand-off bar is, Edd'll be the one down there today."

"Thanks Sam."

A few people stared at the pair of them, but for the most part no one cared. Sandor had dealt with far worse, so he ignored them without a second thought. Arya had probably dealt with worse too, even if she couldn't see the people currently staring.

Somehow one date turned into two, turned into eight. Sandor actually left the gym for lunch now, meeting Arya at the nearby deli every few days so they could eat together. The joking about sleeping together seemed less like joking and more like a legitimate question when Arya said it now.

Sandor shrugged uncomfortably, and Arya could feel it because she was holding onto his arm at the moment as they walked down the street. "We haven't known each other long."

"Oh please," she said, and Sandor got the sense that she was rolling her eyes. It was hard to tell through the dark lens of her sunglasses, but her tone made it rather clear that that's what she was doing. "We've been texting for four months, and seeing each other in person for another month. I think that's plenty of time. You weren't half as shy over text."

"It wasn't a possibility back then," he grumbled, and Arya sighed.

"If you don't want to, we don't have to. If you don't find me physically attractive- well, first of all fuck you, but that's fine too. I don't mind waiting as long as I know that's what I'm doing. But if we're not fucking because you think I'm not interested or some shit, you need to let it go."

"Of bloody course I know you're interested. You've made it pretty damn clear."

"So what is it? Are you not interested?"

"Course I am."

"Then what's the hold up?"

Sandor grumbled an answer under his breath, knowing full well that she couldn't understand him.

"What?"

He sighed and said it again, clear enough for her to hear this time. "It's been a while."

"Aww are you nervous?" she cooed. When he didn't joke back, she dropped the teasing expression and tone. "Wait, seriously? Sandor, there's nothing to be nervous about. I have complete faith in your ability to fuck me blind." She paused. "Get it? Blind?"

Begrudgingly, Sandor found himself chuckling.

"Listen, I remember telling you that my sex life has been pretty lackluster. Even if it's not good, I've definitely had worse. And besides, those were one-off's. If the first time sucks, so what? The second time'll be better. All of this to say that I don't think you'll be bad, but whatever, I doubt you'd listen to me if that's all I said."

"Yeah."

They slowed down for a crosswalk, conversation pausing in the presence of other people that would clearly be able to hear them. The light changed, and they started across, waiting a little longer to continue the conversation so they could get some distance.

"How do we plan that? I work all the fucking time and you have a roommate."

"You say that like we don't have time, right now, on our way to your flat."

"Right now?"

"Why not?" she asked, having to step away for a moment to avoid a shop's sign.

"It's the middle of the day."

Arya snorted, retaking her place by his side. "And you care? If you think you're going to be shit and shoot off early, then there's no reason why we should carve out three hours of an evening to do it."

He glanced down at her and found himself wanting. That wasn't anything new. She was not only bloody attractive, but willing. "Fine."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes."

She grinned, holding herself just that much higher as they walked.

It took several more minutes before they reached Sandor's flat, and he cleared his throat before uncomfortably offering, "Did you want to come in?"

She squeezed his arm in comfort. "I'd fucking love to."

They walked to the staircase, and he gave it a look, counting the steps hurriedly. "Ten steps, then a landing a meter long, then seven steps."

"Thanks."

Normally Sandor took the steps two at a time, but with Arya on his arm he took them the usual one at a time, feeling like he was moving at a snail's pace. Soon enough though, they were at his doorstep and he was unlocking the door. Despite all his arguing and this being the first time Arya had been to his place, he'd cleaned it up a long time ago and kept it that way. He didn't leave shoes and random bits of rubbish out anymore, making sure they weren't in the way for her to trip over. "Entryway's a few feet wide. You can leave your shoes on the right."

Arya tentatively poked her cane in that direction, the tip of it going over his shoes then the empty space of floor. She kept her cane in place as she slipped her shoes off and nudged them into place, using her toes and cane to make sure they were out of the way. "Show me around." She kept the cane in her hand, Sandor on one side and her cane in the other to watch that side.

He walked the perimeter of the living room and kitchen, making sure to detour inside so she knew where the tables were.

"And your room?"

He cleared his throat and they started walking again, down the short hallway and into his bedroom. There was no art anywhere in his flat, and for once he didn't have to hear someone bitching about the blank walls. His blanket was a faded black, something random hookup's always gave him a disappointed look for. Fuck them, it was comfortable and in good condition; he wasn't going to replace it just because the colour was a little off. He walked her forward until the edge of the bed was touching their legs. "This is the bed."

She unlaced her hand from his arm and held it in front of her, slowly lowering it down until she made contact with the top of the bed. With the cane, she reached to her left until she found the edge of the bed, then went to the right until she found the other side. She started around one side, hand trailing over the duvet as she walked to the head of the bed.

"There's a nightstand a couple paces in front of you."

She slowed, edging forward until she could bump it with her knee. Arya took her cane off the bed and set it on the opposite side of the nightstand, then climbed onto the mattress. She laid down, wriggling to get comfy on the pillows.

Her legs were spread and Sandor had to swallow past his dry throat. She held out a hand, saying his name, and he went like there was a rope around his waist, pulling him forward automatically. He kissed her like it was all he wanted to do, and she wrapped her legs around him to keep him there.

"You're glowing," Gendry teased at work the next day.

"Fuck off," Sandor grumbled. There was no denying that he was in a good mood, but glowing? That was a load of tripe.

"So when do we get to meet her?"

"As soon as she wants to meet you." Sandor looked directly at him as he delivered the next statement. "Which is never going to happen."

"Aw come on, mate. Anyone that's willing to date you has a thick enough skin to meet your friends."

"We're not friends; you're my employee."

"We're the closest things to friends that you have. You're grumpy as all seven hells, and you spend all your time here, making sure everything's working smoothly. Where are you going to find quote unquote 'real friends'?"

"I managed to find a girlfriend."

"Yeah and I'm still not convinced that wasn't an accident. Who is this magical girlfriend of yours anyways?"

Sandor rolled his eyes. "She's not magical. Stop whinging and get back to work."

"Yeah, yeah. You'd think getting laid would make you nicer."

But of course Arya chose that afternoon to spontaneously visit him at work. Which is to say that she didn't text or call, but Sandor was walking from the class rooms towards the rock wall to make sure everything was running smoothly, and he heard her talking to Gendry.

"What are you doing here?" Gendry asked her. Sandor couldn't see them yet, but sound bounced easily through the tile floor and clean walls.

"Gendry? What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Uh, I work here, and I know you hate exercise."

"You work at a gym?" she repeated doubtfully. "You're a twig, not a body builder."

"I'm not as small as I was the last time you saw me."

"Mhm," she said, clearly not convinced.

"Come on Arya, that was back in high school! You've grown a lot since then too. And you still haven't told me what you're doing here. Not hoping to catch up with me, I take it?"

She snorted. "No, but maybe we should schedule that in some time. I'm here to see my boyfriend. Who's definitely not a twig."

Sandor finally rounded the corner and saw Arya and Gendry. Arya, looking the way she always did: stunning. And Gendry had his flirting face on which made Sandor want to pick him up by the scruff of his neck as if to say 'seriously?'. Gendry had people hitting on him every week, but he was going to pick an old high school friend out of everyone in the world. "Arya?"

She turned towards him with a smile. "Sandor!"

"Sandor?" Gendry repeated, looking between the two of them. It was clear when he got it, because he straightened and took a step back. "I can't believe you're his secret girlfriend."

"I'm not secret you prat," Arya said, "I'm just private." She shooed him with her hand, still angled in Sandor's direction. "Now go away."

Gendry rolled his eyes. "Yes milady."

"I may not be able to see but I can still kick your arse."

He beat a hasty exit.

"You and Gendry?" Sandor repeated, raising an eyebrow as he walked towards her.

"It was a long time ago."

"I can't believe he convinced you to date him."

"Eh," Arya said with a shrug. "We were best friends and I needed someone to bring to my mother's parties." She flashed him a smile, and he could tell that she was mostly joking. The message was clear though: she had cared for him, but it wasn't like that anymore and it wouldn't become that way again. He reached her side and tapped her free hand with his own in offering. She took it, sliding her fingers up his arm to curve around his elbow and not caring that he was damp with sweat. "Speaking of parties, my brother's birthday is coming up and every year my gift to him is a surprise. Showing up with a big, grizzly boyfriend is sure to surprise everyone."

"And they won't think I'm manipulating you or some shit?"

"I can be very persuasive."

"Really?"

"I can also be very accurate when hitting people with my staff," she said, which confirmed Sandor's suspicion that she had very little in the way of regular persuasion techniques. "A little reminder and they'll leave us alone. For a while, at least."

"Is your family always going to be so fucking nosy?" The thought was annoying, but his example of a family was a father that drank and gambled too much and a brother that abused him.

"Yeah probably. They just worry that I'm going to get hurt. Eventually, they'll figure out that you're the second best thing to happen to me and they'll chill out."

"Second best? What's the first?"

"Electric guitar. You're good Sandor, but you're no rock 'n roll."

#got #fanfic #sandor clegane #arya stark #my writing

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fr3aklike-me · 2 years

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you do everytime ! and you’re doing such a great job at that, i definitely feel more cared for than i have in such a long time just from talking with you for a day, you listennnn<3

hehe i see we’re a fan of sweetheart you are so adorable pretty girl <3 yes it’s sooo expensive, i cant justify it when i don’t even know if i want to do it, i’m not good at handling the stress so it doesn’t seem worth it right this moment because i don’t feel I’d even finish a semester honestly. i looove english and any type of art class ! the possibility to create things makes it so fun for me, and i love doing creative writing !! oooh that sounds like a really really interesting class! what are you learning about now ? that sounds like a good idea for sure !! hahaha i agree, i think it’s cool to learn about but i’d never want to do it myself. my mom worked in a mental hospital and did private practice before that and it seems very stressful (can you tell i can’t handle any kind of stress lmao)

yess those days are so important !! i feel off if i haven’t cleaned or organized in a while and it always feels like a refresh, so relaxing hahaha. i love doing that too, what shows do you like ?

(okay also i saw that you were saying youre a virgin and me too, and i get it im so so sexually frustrated too i cum like 7 separate times a day and it never helpsss i just wanna be touched😭im glad i’m not alone in this tho haha)

-💟

omg?? thank you so much?? like, this means so, so much to me that you're actually feeling cared for, because that is so extremely important to me. and being listened to and cared for is one hundred percent what you deserve to expect <3

stoppp, now "pretty girl" has me gushing too asdfghjkl. exactly, it’s so overly expensive - and it makes me so mad that those prices stayed the same even when school was online and there were professors just posting pre-recorded lectures, ugh. felt like a waste at times. and honestly, it is amazing you’ve got that self-awareness in knowing you don’t fully desire to go rn and the stress isn’t something you desire to go through at this point of your life. so many people sometimes rush immediately into postsecondary education because they feel like they’re “supposed” to do that due to society. but, you being honest about the fact that you don’t want to do it now, and honouring that feeling, is super admirable. omg omg you’re into creative writing?? same here! what kind of things do you like writing? and it is! right now, I'm taking English, philosophy and media classes, and English is so much fun, the short stories were so enjoyable. oooh, damn, my mom worked in social work and she also told me it was very emotional for her. I totally understand, it does seem like a very heavy job at times, so it makes sense why you’d stray from it. and honestly, totally okay you don’t like handling stress - I feel like sometimes we feel like we’re obligated to struggle and go through hardship, but really, it’s totally valid to not desire that, you deserve happiness.

exactly, like, finally getting things tidy and clean is so satisfying, with everything brand new. oooh, so, I watch tons of reruns, but I'm trying to start new shows. I wanted to start the K-drama, “Twenty One, Twenty Five”! what about you?

omg right?? I am so sexually frustrated at this point. whoa, you can come seven times? please let me know if this makes you uncomfortable for me to say, but I find that so cool and hot. I can only come, like, twice in a day at most, so I find that so cool omg. you’re not alone, trust me, I am so wanting of someone to touch me, ugh.

#answered asks #💟 anon

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echoesoforre · 6 years

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OOC ;

hey guys sorry to spam the dash; i don’t normally like to do these but when i do it’s about something negative lmfao ;;;

as such i’m gonna be putting everything under the cut! by all means, you’re not obligated to read this, it’s just a life update. but i figured you guys should know what’s up with me; it’s been a pretty significant thing, but like i said, it’s also very negative. if you don’t need that in your life rn i understand!

( tw: homophobia / biphobia )

so, for those of you who don’t know, there was gonna be this great trip planned between me and my datemate for them to come over on may 23rd and stay till about early june, all just for my 21st birthday. we were planning this great road trip from florida up till dc, staying a few places. it was gonna be great.

the only issue became that my parents didn’t know that they were my datemate; i was going under the guise that they were my friend.

i’ve never been very trusting of my mom for various reasons, mostly because she’s verbally and emotionally abusive, but my dad, on the other hand, had always been a different story; i’d always lumped him into the same category as my mom, but always figured he was kinder and nicer that i could tell a few things to him.

knowing that i was basically lying to them during the vacation was basically eating at me, considering i hate lying for large amounts of time, and the fear that something would be found out during the trip was even greater

i was having a bad day at work on may 1st, that was a tuesday, and my dad said something to me that changed me.

that night, work was terrible because i basically worked with a needy coworker who was akin to my abusive mom and triggered me on multiple occasions, and i sat in the parking lot crying, and my dad noticed. that night, he came to my bedroom and he said to me that i could tell him anything; my brother used to do it all the time, and he hated seeing me upset.

with that in mind, on may 3rd, i decided to trust him enough to tell him the truth about my datemate’s and my relationship — my datemate who he knew to be a friend who was a girl, and who he knows me to be his daughter. basically, to him, i was coming out as a ‘lesbian.’

despite all of my trust in him, it didn’t turn out well. he took it horribly, though he didn’t yell. of course, coming from a conservative indian background, he didn’t understand. worst still, he wanted me to tell my mom.

i decided to tell her the next day, on may 4th, a friday, and since then, things have... just not been well for me.

they didn’t kick me out, no, so i at least don’t have to worry about that; all things considered, with the horror stories i’ve heard about people coming out, this was surprisingly lighter. but that isn’t to say it hasn’t been awful.

not being awful would be them understanding, and accepting me. i haven’t gotten that, not even now. my parents have looked at me differently, i can tell. they haven’t looked at me and haven’t been as kind. on saturday, may 5th, the questions started. they were, frankly, gross, closed-minded, homophobic, and awful. they wanted me to break up with them and see other people, other men, just so it’d be acceptable. but... i stood up for myself, and i stood up for my datemate. i lashed back, and thankfully, again, things didn’t blow up.

the vacation we were going to go on for my birthday ended up being cancelled, and unfortunately, my datemate will no longer be coming with me to florida. it’s... heartbreaking to know that my parents’ selfishness and homophobia outweighed their want for their child to be happy and have a good birthday, but that’s how it is, i guess.

the questions haven’t stopped. when it’s brought up, i’m constantly told that i’m not accepted, and always told a host of other terrible, homophobic things. it’s disheartening. on other days, they try and pretend like i don’t exist, or the information i’d told them doesn’t exist, as if, if they don’t mention it, it’ll simply go away.

it’s been hard; i keep going between being fine and spiraling into depression. the less they mention it, the safer i feel, and whenever they do mention it, it ruins my mood completely, and i can’t seem to recover.

i have... little irl support, though what i have, i’m very grateful for. my best friend who i’ve known for seven years has been very loving and kind, and i consider her almost like the mother i’ve always deserved to have.

and then there’s been you guys. for those i’ve told, you’ve all been massively supportive of me — kazu, my lovely datemate; scad; mars; hana; amanda; mimi. words can’t describe how much you’ve been saving me these past few days, and i know will continue to anchor me down when things get hard. i’m really grateful to call you all my friends — and everyone in this group who, upon reading this, will be the first time learning what i’m going through.

you guys being here has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and, albeit it’s a bit late, i’m really happy that it’s been a year with you all. even if i’ve only known a few of you for a shorter amount of time, i’m grateful that this group i made brought us all together, and that i can name so many people just off the top of my head as friends i love so dearly; i’ve never had that before in life, and i never wanna lose this.

i didn’t write this with any particular reason or with any other condition besides that if you wanted to know what’s going on with me, you could. a lot’s happened, and i’m sorry i’ve been so negative, and so inactive lately. i suppose if there was anything i could ask, it’d just be for your patience getting things out on the dashboard. albeit, like i said, i’ve been swinging between perfectly fine at times, it’s not always at times i can write replies, and coming off a hiatus, i’ve felt like i’ve needed more time — time that i don’t wanna take.

i’m hoping to get back in the swing of things in the coming days, but i’m just asking for you all to understand, if that doesn’t end up happening, why it’s not happening.

i love you guys so, so much. thank you all for being in my life, and helping me stay grounded. and for those of you reading this, thank you as well.

i know things will get better soon with you all beside me.

with love, ~ ji-ji

#OOC

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survivorgalaxysedge · 4 years

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Episode 4 | Space Cadet Blasting Off Again - Jessie

We swapped. And what a wild swap it is. I want from the Andro Tribe to the Circi Tribe. And so did Jonathan, Ari and Zoe. Four of us stuck together on a tribe of 5. We also have Ali with us. I’m worried Ali has an idol so I just don’t want us to lose at all. Let’s keep the good vibes flowing.

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AND NOW IM AM ON CALL WITH JONATHAN AND HE'S TELLING ME ABOUT THE EXACT PLACE I JUST WENT AND THE EXACT RIDDLE I DID LIKE "SOMEONE ALREADY GOT THERE" HELLLLPPPPPPPPP honestly this is what he gets for going off script! i had the room search under control and he was supposed to be in the hallway so it's not my fault he found my mess!

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I encountered an alien in the idol search! I sang them a song and viola! I have a special power. I have the ability to kidnap someone from another tribe, for a full round of the game. They compete in the challenge with us. They'll attend tribal council if we go, but can't be voted out. Kind of a neat little power. It has to be used before merge. So I guess we'll see what happens. If we started with 18, swapped at 15, I imagine that merge will be at 11. I've got a few tribals to figure out when/how to use this power, if I even decide to use it at all. Man, I am loaded. Hidden Immunity Idol and this now. On a DISGUSTING note, someone used a power on me to destroy 10 of my fuel. Thankfully it was only 10 and not a whole lot of it.

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I’m actually so annoyed Why the heck would you say “we should throw the challenge .” Like legit why. This is my favourite challenge and I’m not throwing . I get that Jacob hasn’t said a lot but seriously throwing a challenge to get rid of someone who seems kinda new is so stupid . I’m actually so annoyed rn so I’m typing my thoughts so I don’t yell at the person who said they don’t wanna take the time and edit because we are losing anyways . You know what maybe if you didn’t have such a negative attitude about the situation we could turn out a badass video . Did you ever think maybe the other tribe would be down right awful and we could pull out a win ? I’m so tired of my tribe constantly losing . Anyways updated thoughts or whatever because we had a tribe swap Jacob: said creative challenges aren’t his thing . Trying to talk to him more Cindi : we haven’t spoke I don’t think she likes me from our last game though which is fine I guess? Nathan : Original tribe loyalty I guess ? Jay: Jays pretty cool. Okay that’s it I just needed to vent so that’s why it’s confessional form I also still have my idol so flex I guess ? Idk that’s sounds kinda cringe This is Jessie the space cadet blasting off again

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I AM SWAP FUCKED

I SWEAR TO GOD MY GAME ENDS WITH THESE HOES

Keegan is going home

Fourth straight immunity win! This game is wild. I’ve never done so well before! And now I’ve got another 6 fuel, which is a total of 16 fuel from reward wins. With my hidden immunity idol, and my steal a player advantage, I feel unstoppable. But, things can change at a moments notice so I’m not going to stand on my high horse, I’m going to remain realistic. I don’t have any alliance chats, the only person who has straight up said they want to work with me is Jay who is now going to tribal. It’s almost a bad thing not attending tribal so many times, because I have nothing to test or prove loyalty. Who knows what will happen moving forward.

https://youtu.be/dm7Kta2n7hs

Well we just lost the challenge. Not that I'm surprised, we pretty much lost it when we didn't communicate for a whole day. I tried to do my part and get people discussing but once it was clear this wasn't gonna be a win for us, I just used it for strategy. I wanted to do my best despite the circumstances to prove that this tribe needs me since I'm active and good in challenges. And I think it worked! The judges shouted me out twice for my part in the video (even tho it kinda sucked, but I guess my white boy dancing was good in comparison). But anyways, I do like this tribe and I'm sad we lost, but I have a little theory on why some people didn't try so hard. It was discussed before the challenge even came out that we wanted Jacob out. How this happened was Nathan approached me as soon as we got onto the new tribe and we called and had a good talk on how we felt about the game. Turns out that the queen herself, Jessie Flynn, advocated for me as an ally to Nathan before we even swapped. And us both, and Jessie, all felt good about Cindi too. And ever since then, Nathan's been in my DMs talking about voting for Jacob. So overall I think I landed myself in a pretty sweet spot on this disaster of a tribe and hopefully we can get our shit together for the next challenge, cause things won't be so clear cut next time.

https://youtu.be/dm7Kta2n7hs

WE WON. THANK *GOD.* after flying across the country yesterday and dealing with several minor life crises, i literally spent the ENTIRETY of today working on that video - meaning from when i woke up at 10 to fifteen minutes before when it was due - and also spent seven whole dollars at the dollar tree for props & costumes soooooo if we had not won i would've been quite embarrassed. i was nervous about the editing part, as i've not ever actually put together a music video challenge, just weird silly videos like me as zac efron.... but it turned out okay! i'm not 100% satisfied with my work (i wanted to put more transition effects & it needed more variety / staging to make it less repetitive) but hey it was a thousand miles above the other teams' submissions so i will take it!!! and i never have to listen to space jam again!! anyway, i guess this means another boring day around camp. winning reward got me two more adventure missions, which i used to mostly complete the outside portion of the quest and jonathan is i think gonna finish it off for us tonight. i am hoping/assuming he'll get whatever is there since it's been literally only 48 hours since this started and the door keypad had five zillion combos, and that'd mean that's the last thing in this adventure probably? oh wait nvm we still have a shit ton of stuff to check in the hallway i should do that next. but yeah so that'll be good and i hope it is an advantage or a disadvantage that he won't play on me LOL. if i wake up and all my fuel is destroyed.... i know where you've been jonny! not much else to report right now. it sounds like ali's doing a good job of getting himself in the good graces of zoe and jonathan, which is the most ideal scenario for me so we can say bye-bye keegan. i was a bit worried that if we lost this challenge i wouldn't have a plausible reason to argue to jonathan for keeping ali - or actually, more likely, i think he would have wanted to vote zoe? she hasn't been around as much and he did express concern on saturday about whether she's doing okay. luckily though, this W has bought me a few more days to work on getting the people i like to like each other.

https://youtu.be/F4_Sylzyxyw

UGH UGH UGH I GOT TRIBE FUCKEDDDDDDD IM WITH MJ WHO I JUST SLASHED THE VOTE OF AND LIED TO AND THE OTHER 3 ARE FROM THE SAME TRIBE. GOD DAMN IT. UGH but on the other hand we won immunity and it'll give me time to get to know my other tribe mates. I just hope this isnt a "tribe strong" battle in this game. I hope everyone are free agents

woo! ari and i are together in the swap as well as keegan and jonathan, and ali wound up with us as well on the new circi tribe. we won the music video challenge so the streak continues. i’m very tired!

so the tribe swap went pretty much the best it possibly could, as i got swapped majority with the two members of my tribe i talked to the most. we won immunity so i'm chilling for another week. unfortunately, mj and silver seem to have no interest in talking to me. both of them left me on read after i initiated conversation. so. sits.

So despite the easy seeming vote, I'm still gonna be nervous until the votes get read. These players are no joke, especially knowing that Alex was completely blindsided by Nathan and Jessie. I'm staying positive because I think it's like, a 90% chance I'm in the clear, but you really don't know until you know LOL. I'm just trying to set up my position on this tribe and for the future. I've gone to Cindi, Jessie, and Nathan individually and reassured them that I'm with them for the long haul. And for now I mean it, but if any of them get too dangerous then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sorry not sorry~ looking specifically at you Nathan 👀

nothing rlly to say tbh happy we swapped!!!!! and happy we won!!!!!! happy to be here with jules. havent really talked much since swapping honestly but i think i'd like to work with jules and asya and somehow get silver tf up outta here when we get the chance!!!!!

https://youtu.be/kt66vebpU4k

https://youtu.be/t5x52CJdhjI

TRIBAL AGAIN. I'm so nervous. I'm the only one from Circi so that's an easy swap screwed if you ask me. But I hope I'm ok. I think I've made a good bond with Jay Nathan and jessie and they all say we're voting for Cindi so fingers crossed it's not all an elaborate ruse on me

First tribal should be a unanimous vote. I told Nathan if he voted me out I'd block him and our 50 day snap streak would be toast and, like, tbh I think that would crush him. Jay and I want to work together. The only one who might've been sketched out is Jessie but she doesn't have the numbers. It feels insane to be this not paranoid before tribal when I know Jacob is pushing my name...but also I literally don't think that he could get me out?? Like, Nathan and I were/are a dynamic duo so I do not know how he would flip. Jay flipping makes zero sense. The ONLY people this would benefit or be a neutral for is Jessie and Jacob. The only way I go is if Nathan and Jay are two of the dumbest players on the planet.

Tribals in an hour we lost Big sad energy I guess my hearts really going to supernova

#toinfinityandsurvive

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purplesurveys · 7 years

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182

Do you prefer committed relationships or just friends with benefits? There has to be a commitment clause somewhere there. I don’t do the latter.

How many brothers do you have? Biologically, one–my younger sibling. My eldest cousin is a brother figure to me though and I grew up viewing and addressing him as such so I consider myself having 2 instead.

What if the last person you spoke to told you they wanted to marry you? I would be happy that there’d be some security in the relationship since I feel the same, and surprised since she never brings that up and is never that eager to tell me first.

What if you had a friend who could turn into random objects? Hahaha I think it would be very amusing. It’s funnier if they don’t also know what they would be turning into.

You know you’re in love when: I don’t know how to feel when I’m around them except helpless.

What kind of photo did you last see on the internet? A meme on Twitter before I started this survey.

Would you bring someone into your life who left if someone else had to die? These questions are never a joy to come across.

The last song you listened to was talking about: I have no clue what alt-J’s Nara is all about.

Did you have a happy childhood? Gotta love these childhood questions that mock me all the time.

How do you deal with grief? I cry it out, and I would rather be alone so I stay in my room, or if I’m in public I stay shut off from everyone. I would sleep it off, as well.

What was the last dream you had about? I’ve forgotten it but I know a Korean children’s song was playing for the duration of the dream and I can attribute that to the fact that I’ve been watching a Korean reality show with babies 24/7 these days…

Have you ever written a story just for fun? Probably as a kid. I disliked fiction more and more as I got older.

Are you a dreamer or a do-er? In the eternal words of Troy Bolton, “Did you ever think that maybe I could be both?”

Do you feel more of what you see or see more of what you feel? Too deep a question at 6:56 AM.

If you had to spend one day in any movie storyline, which one would it be? Can I cheat? Not a movie, but an episode. I want to experience San Junipero.

Do you think people get what they deserve? Fuck no. There are many people living in poverty who work their asses off who stay in poverty. Too many extra-judicial killings to count, involving children. Incompetent clowns getting appointed somewhere in the government. In the Philippines, people getting the life they don’t deserve becomes a reality.

If you were in charge of your country, what would you change? Welp my first agenda would be deporting the Marcoses (a political family whose patriarch is a dictator, and the matriarch a kleptocrat, and all their descendants just basically stupid) to a remote island with no food and water and never to be seen again. Gotta set my priorities straight.

Do you like to run? No I tire easily now.

Have you ever sang a solo in front of a crowd? Yes. In my 7th birthday party I had to sing Part of Your World to all my guests. That was the start and end of my singing career as we know it.

How about, have you played music in front of a crowd? Nope. I don’t play any instrument.

Does anyone have your heart? Er sure.

Do you wish your life was different than what it is now? I wish I wasn’t so sad all the time, that’s really the only difference I need.

What kind of shoes did you last wear? My black faux leather Keds.

If you were going to eat a snack right now, what kind would it be? I mean I’m having a pancake right now and that’s a snack. I wish I had something savory though, like chicken nuggets or fries. Do you have faith in anything or anyone? My relationship with Gab is my rock, yes.

Have you ever fell in love with someone you knew you would never be with? That was the initial thought process since I always believed she was out of my league. But by some funny reason I ended up with her, so.

Do you look on the bright side or darkness? Dark. Duh.

Would you rather be stuck on top of a mountain or in a deep-sea submarine? Mountain because at least I can always make the trip down. Don’t want to be stuck in a sub because there’s always the risk of my entire body and organs exploding thousands of feet underwater.

Does it take a lot of physical pain to make you cry? Hah no. I’m the worrrrrst at handling physical pain.

When was the last time you were in the hospital? Seven years ago.

What was the last thing you gave up in order to make yourself happy? My money. I bought myself lunch, which I never do. I felt it was right to treat myself since I got a 100 on my formal interview for my college org.

What do you think of homeless people? I feel sorry for them and wish the government would address their issues better.

What is the last book you read? I haven’t been in front of a book in a long while.

Do you stereotype people for where they live (cities, countryside, etc)? Not really, Filipinos are a pretty homogeneous people and it’s the same whether you’re in an urban or rural setting.

What is the last kind of food you ate in a resteraunt? I had tapsilog and sisig last Tuesday because I was absolutely starving.

What lyrics do you associate with your mood? I don’t have a particular mood rn.

Who is your hero? No one.

Do you judge a person by their looks? No, I’m not a bad person.

Have you ever had pets? Of course. I had a lot even before I had my current one.

Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game) Butt Ugly Martians. It was super weird looking back at it, but I know I enjoyed it in my childhood and that’s what matters.

What is the worst smell in the world? Any rotten anything.

What is the best way to break up with someone? There’s no best way, but the maturest way is to do it face to face. It will be incredibly hard for me to accept if it were done any other manner.

What is your top goal by the end of the year? Be inducted into my (future) org.

Are you artistic? Hahahahahaha.

Do you have friends you can joke around or are they all serious? Being able to joke around with someone is a prerequisite to being a friend of mine, so.

What would your dream job be if education and money were no object? I would have gone into wrestling.

In your opinion, what is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Requiem For A Dream, Anomalisa, Grave of the Fireflies.

What is the best song to make out to? We’ve never listened to music while doing anything like that.

Do you go to bed early or late? Extremes, really. I’m either in bed by 9 PM or 1 AM.

How would you respond if a random stranger threw rocks at you? Take a picture of them and spread it on social media.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a C? No.

Does it bother you when you can’t help someone who needs help? Of course. I feel most helpless when all I can give them are words.

#survey #surveys

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brendonandhisprincess · 8 years

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I dont know what to call this fanfic, but I know for sure that it is smutty and cute so be prepared for the kinky,and dirty things that float around in my mind. This is a Tyler Joseph x reader

INTRO:

Y/n pov: I’ve been so tired lately and haven’t really had the chance to sit down, I have also been really stressed out mostly because I am always up trying to clean up the house. I want it to be perfect for when Tyler comes home this weekend, I am throwing a party for him and Josh as a celebration for finishing their world tour. I am so proud of them both and they deserve a good party. Today is thursday and the week has flown by, I want to surprise them so I have been trying my best to make sure the family and friends that were coming all stayed hushed up.

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Saturday Morning....

Y/n pov: I am so pumped today, Tyler is coming home and I have missed him so much. I honestly don’t think I will be able to keep my hands off of him, but I will need to gain control for the party at least. I started making snacks, Ty’s favorites including stuff from tacobell and oreos for Jishwa. I just finished putting up the ribbons and handmade sign last night so I didn’t have to worry about any more decorations.

Suddenly I heard the doorbell ring, I practically ran to the door and swung it open to see Laura Dun and the rest of the family outside including Ty’s mom and dad. I couldn’t help but beam as I led them inside as they all hugged me and talked amongst themselves, “ Hey guys, It’s so good to know you all could come.” I said closing the door behind them, but before I could close the door all the way I was pushed back by Zach and Jay who both made themselves at home immediately. Kelly scolded them as if they were still five for their rude actions, “ Its fine mom”, I giggled but stopped when I realised I just called her mom. She saw the look on my face and came over to hug me, “Awww, You can always call me mom sweetheart.” I felt my face turn red and everyones eyes were on me. I walked over to the kitchen to go grab the snacks, “I have snacks guys, if you want some,” but when I returned to the living room I noticed that they were all staring at something outside. I suddenly lit up realizing it had to be the boys. “ Quick, everyone hide!” I whispered and everyone scattered and hid waiting for the door to open. I hid behind the counter and held the oreos in my hand quietly giggling to myself and felt butterfly's in my stomach as I thought about how excited I was to see my boyfriend and Josh. I could hear the door creak open and Ty’s sweet voice talking, “Babe?” he said loudly. I quickly jumped up and so did everyone else and we all screamed something different but I could only smile and managed to say, “Welcome home boys.” I ran to tyler and wrapped my arms around his neck and he hugged me back and ran his fingers through my hair. I had my face in the crook of his neck and he smelled so good, it was intoxicating I felt myself well up with tears. He was home, he was my home and I couldn’t help it, he just makes me so happy. He heard me sniffle and let go of me, “ you okay baby?” he said lightly smiling. I just lit up and wiped away my tears, “Yes, I am very okay. I just missed you so much, “ I said and I saw that Josh was hugging his family and Ty’s mom was behind us and she was waiting patiently for her turn with Tyler. “ Oh, I’m sorry mom, “ I pecked Ty on the cheek and walked away into the kitchen again to get the food. I opened the pantry and was looking for the cups I just bought for the party when I heard my name called, “y/n?” I closed the pantry and turned to see josh standing right in front of me, “Hey spooky.” I smiled and hugged him, he hugged me back but when he let me go he pulled me into the hall. He looked around to see if anyone was looking then whispered to me. “I know this is kinda weird but You need to fuck tyler, “ he said with a serious look on his face. I turned red and honestly didn’t know what to say. “What?” i finally said a little weirded out, he got really close to me and whispered, “He has been driving me crazy about it, I have never seen him so bothered and horny all the time. He needs it, and I told him that today might be his lucky day, if you know what i mean.” I couldn’t help but smirk at this, the thought of Tyler being all hot bothered at just the slight picture of me turns me on. Josh knew I had a plan because he just smirked and walked off winking at Tyler who was across the room. I probably looked like an idiot because I just stood in the hall with a huge smirk on my face for at least five minutes. I finally broke out of my trance and grabbed the oreos and cups that I originally wanted and brought them to the living room. Everyone started pouring out drinks for themselves and Laura suggested that we all play a board game. I sat on the couch next to Tyler and Zach helped set up the game, we were playing cards against humanity and both Tyler and Josh’s parents have never played so it was definitely gonna be fun. I sat there listening to Zach explain how the game works to everyone and leaned forward to grab an oreo when I felt a hand gently grab my ass, I turned around to face tyler and the sexiest smirk appeared on his face. ‘He wants to play this game, huh’ I thought to myself as I opened the oreo trying to be very seductive as I licked the white frosting. I could tell he was turned on by the way his grip on the couch got tighter. I faced the family again to make it seem normal as to how i was just acting, thank god no one was watching except for Josh who winked at me from across the table. I smiled in proud knowledge that he knew what I was getting at. I was handed my seven cards and I knew Tyler was gonna try and look over my shoulder to see what I had in my hand so I scooted a bit further away from him on the couch so I could read my cards. I looked over to see him and he was smiling to himself and reading his cards, I could tell he was thinking something good and I was excited yet scared to see what he would put down. The first card said, “blank with you is always fun” and I looked at my cards and had no idea what to put down so I grabbed one randomly and it said “teasing” and I smirked to myself as I placed it on the stack in front of Josh. He was the judge for this round. Tyler had placed his down too and we both shared glances before waiting for everyone to finish. Josh picked up the stack and started reading them all, a few giggles were heard amongst the room until he started laughing and read aloud, “desperate sex with you is always fun,” and we all started laughing except for Josh and Tyler’s parents who just sat there basically appalled with our humor. I felt kind of bad so I got up and requested that we just watch a movie or something, but Kelly said she had to go home and finish important work which caused Maddy, Jay, and Zach to all go home too. They all gave us their thanks and left, Josh said he would go home and sleep, his parents were so kind and his brother and sisters hugged me just before walking out the door. I rushed to give Josh one last hug before he exited as well, “See you later spooky.” I said waving him goodbye, Ty called out too, “Later Jish!”

I had a devious plan and I was gonna tease the shit out of him, I walked away from him knowing full well that he wanted to touch all over me and headed down the hall to our bedroom. I quickly pulled off my shirt and changed into my pajama shorts still not wearing a shirt then decided I would go make some coffee. When I got into the kitchen Tyler was standing by the table holding his phone, he looked up and his jaw dropped. “Damn babygirl, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” he said sounding a bit out of breath walking towards me into the kitchen. I was gonna try and duck him and walk away again but I was too late and he pinned me against the fridge, he seemed so tall as he lowered his head looking into my eyes as if I was the most beautiful thing in the world. “Hey daddy,” I said smirking waiting for his reaction. “I like where this is headed,” he said pushing closer to you, I could feel his obvious erection pressing up against me causing me to groan slightly. This triggered him and he lifted me up enough for me to wrap my legs around his waist and I kissed him roughly feeling desperate for more, he had one hand firmly on my ass and the other holding my head as he kissed me back. I could tell we were headed down the hall and he threw me on the bed once we got inside, he looked like a lion who was about to eat its prey as he ripped off his shirt, “I have missed this so much, you have no idea how much I want to fuck you rn. I hope you don’t mind it rough baby.” I licked my lips, “Do me how you want to daddy.” I pulled my shorts off and sat up to kiss Ty again but this time it got even more heated, he brushed his tongue across my lip begging for entrance and I allowed him control. He had undone my bra, and started rubbing my nipples making me moan into the kiss. I reached my hand down and pressed my hand against his dick through his jeans, this earned me a low groan. “mmmm babygirl don’t do that,” he said pushing me onto my back on the bed. “Why not daddy, doesn’t it feel good?” I teased, he was now just sitting on his knees in front of me on the bed, he licked his lips then slowly started pulling off my panties. I could feel my breathing already increase and my heartbeat fasten as he lowered his head in between my legs, “Daddy is gonna make you scream for me, don’t hold back anything babygirl,” he assured me before licking across my clit, I hissed sharply at the sudden contact motivating him to continue tongue fucking me. I grabbed his fluffy brown hair and had my head bent backwards trying to hold back loud moans, but I let one slip and he groaned shoving two fingers inside my core. I began to squirm knowing I was gonna cum soon, I could tell he knew cuz his pace began to increase even more causing me to arch my back,screaming his name among a few other swears just before coming undone all over Ty’s hand. “Don’t worry baby, we aren’t done yet,” he said sounding dark but sexy, he climbed over me and kissed me again letting me taste myself in his mouth. I started to slowly unbutton his jeans as he continued to make out with me, but he was growing impatient and broke the kiss to take off his pants quicker. He threw them across the room leaving him in his boxers, he had an obvious bulge and I could tell he was really fucking horny just by the dominating face he had rn, he came and pulled me off the bed and pushed me against the wall, I just bit my lip and watched his eyes wander over me as I pushed my hips against his. This must have sparked something else because he harshly grabbed my ass and rubbed against me roughly, I reached up and kissed his jaw and made small kisses along his neck, he didn’t speak but closed his eyes enjoying the things I was doing to him, he ended up pulling his boxers down without me knowing and he stopped me with another kiss and he lifted me up by my ass and positioned himself thrusting into me. We both basically melted into the full contact we both so desperately needed, still against the wall he continued to thrust into me both of us groaning and moaning not able to speak. I could feel that same heat I felt earlier rise in my stomach as I felt another orgasm make its way after this new position, I could hear him sigh loudly, “Fuck, baby you feel so good.” I loved when he talked like that, “Fuck me harder daddy,” was my reply to his statement before he turned me around pulling out, he looked not angry but extremely powerful in his attitude, he pushed me to the bed, “Bend over babygirl, I’m gonna make you come for me now.” I did as I was told and turned my head a bit to see him biting his lip hard as he thrusted into me again but with more force. I grabbed onto the sheets tightly, “Ty...Tyler” I moaned still being harshly fucked against the bed. Tyler slapped me hard on the ass, “I can tell your close baby, I am too, don’t hold back I wanna hear you,” this pushed me over the edge and I soon let go of all the sounds and juices I had left and I heard tyler moan loudly and he came inside me. We both collapsed on the bed and he wrapped his arm around me, both of our breathing was still heavy and he just looked over at me and we both realized that we just had unprotected sex, “Tyler?” I said clearly but almost scared. “Yes, I know,” he answered, “Baby, I have been meaning to ask you this for a while but I think now is a good time, will you be my wife?” I smiled widely turning over to kiss him one last time, “Of course I will tyler,” but we will have to do it quickly before your family finds out I’m pregnant.” I said He nodded, “yeah, that would be bad.”

#smut #tyler joseph x reader

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in-paradox-space · 7 years

Text

i wrote this 3 weeks ago and scheduled it to post today

I started a story some time ago but ive been putting off continuing it because it felt like a chore

if i write it this way its easier so I started it here

its fiction

if i abandon it then oh well fuck it

so somehow I remembered this tumblr

uhh its been a while

usually when I change I write it down

a notepad or someshit

an online blog makes more sense because it’s always there

but I’d probably forget I have it

this time I haven’t wrote anything

I didn’t keeP tRack of the dAte

well to be honest

i do remember wrIting the firSt day, and it was in NotEpad, saved in Documents

I can checK but I likE the mystery

oK i checked and it was 10/09

now is 28/10

so i have roughly 7 weeks until I change again

I’d like to quickly sum up everything I’ve experienced in these past 5 weeks

but my mind is blank

it’s all I’ve been thinking about

how i should sum everything up

thoughts of things that happen pop into my mind

I think wow i should write that down

but it feels like a chore

i think it’s just the person i am right now

they’re kind of like that but it’s a lot to explain, which is exactly why i should have been explaining it this time

i really like being her

i need more time with her

its so…. strange

im friends with her boyfriend

Lilly, I’m talking about now

well, her name is Lily but uh im such a loser I want to spell it Lilly because it’s Lilly like the flowers and the lillies were our thing

but now he’s giving her lillies

and its so strange, he knows he only does it because it was our thing

and he knows I know

and I can’t be mad at him, I just want Lily to be happy and I see that sparkle in her eyes

the way she kisses him

its almost like how she used to kiss me but its different now

the same butterflies aren’t there but something else is

it’s serious and they actually are starting to get used to each other

but in a long term kind of way

and he’s going to be with her all that time which makes me a little sad

because he’s only with her because of me and I want to be with her instead

(it’s 4:13 am rn btw, thats the homestuck number)

but he’s also probably with him because he wanted to be with her, which is probably why i wanted to be with her

and I still see her every day

but it’s as a friend

and its like she doesnt know its me but maybe she does

and we had that one kiss as the person I am now

she can say she was stoned or she was drunk but i…

i dont know

she wouldnt have done that with somebody else under the influence

its just strange

we all hangout together and we’re the best of pals

but we’re inside each others head and we share the same memories

it’s so strange but it doesnt make me feel unhappy

I’m so happy just being with them

I have school and shit I guess but thats just always there, wherever I go

and the person I am right now doesn’t care much about that

Alexis - who I am now

it’s hard to tell really what the fuck is going on with her

everybody called her Alex and I was constantly wondering if she was a boy or if she wanted to be a boy or what

but nah she’s just chill I guess

it’s so hard to find makeup in her room

and her hair is like mid length idk

like the main character from life is strange, if you saw her you’d understand

and like im saying

im just so at peace being with them. Just being who I am now, being around Lilly, being with john

we hold hands and lmao it’s weird but she doesn’t think anything of it

it’s strange does she not sense that it’s me under this cover?

I want to explain it to her so much

but she would just think I’m fucking around and it’d be cruel

but I’m just so happy with them

and I dont want it to end

but in roughly seven weeks it will change.

au reviour

hello new life

goodbye lilly

goodbye john

you wont even know I left

I’ll forget you

but my my, will I ever feel the same with the friends I make afterwards

I’m at peace with them. just laughing and nothing can hurt us when we’re in that moment

no embarrassment or shame can fault us

we live in the moment and we pass life by

but it’s always in the back of my mind

and the fear is becoming terrifying

there’s a panic, with an upside down grin on its face

an expression of falling into the abyss of my mind for 3 months

and i can feel it

who I truly am just watching this from the inside, falling and falling

and sure I could talk to a fucking counseller or some shit about this but id just switch places in 3 months

and its not like they would level with me

man fuck that

there’s got to be people out there who know how this feels

man

I’m just so happy with where I am right now

If I could stay like this for one or two years until i naturally move on I’d be so fucking happy

I would be content.

but its just gonna change beneath my feet within 7 weeks

and I wont have true closure

I should be used to this

and I new i shouldnt have got close when I met her

i need to talk to john about this

i didnt want to know how long I had left

but i feel happy after checking when i wrote my last entry

am i doing the maths right? 7 weeks is good, I thought maybe 3 or 4.

….

ok nah.

I checked and I have 4 weeks left

ugh lilly

fuck

I really just

I’ll explain it to john first.

Then I’ll explain it to lilly maybe.

There has to be a way.

I woke up one morning, just out of the blue, I could smell lillies

and I followed the smell and she was just there waiting for john

and it’s like I knew he was gonna be there

it’s just

we’re in each others heads

and he didnt show up but I did?

and it’s just fate its fucking incredible

me and john spoke about this

there has to be a way.

in the next switch there has to be a way to find me

he has to fucking find me

im thinking of doing something huge before I switch

fuck it

the place in the centre of town, near the bus station

there’s a grassy part with flowers and there is lillies everywhere

even the shiny white ones and that’s where I just happened to meet her

after literally waking up and following a smell just because I had the random desire to

like what in the fuck

its not a coincidence

whoever started this shit must have let this happen

or maybe its a mistake

but this

I just want to stay who i am for another year

maybe two if you’d let me

please

well

I think around 3 or 4 am, I can grab all the lillies from the garden place

and maybe john will help me but who knows, I’ll ask

and I’ll have to be quick. i guess I’ll shove them all into a bag and order a taxi so I can drive away

there’s probably security who glance at the cctv in the bus station, they’d report it

then if i walk with a bag of flowers, covered in compost it would kind of fuck up

then i havent thought what to do with them

i want to do something huge

where everyone can see

like the scene from 500 days of summer where he draws the whole skyline on the wall

I dont care if she thinks I did it or John did it

I just want her to see it

and for it to leave a mark in her memory forever

so a part of this lifetime will live on

it would be nice of you to understand but it’s so complex

and not a lot of people make these claims

I understand that you can’t understand

and it’s not necessarily okay but i guess its fine

and yeah

I want to do something

like leave a symbol all over town

every town in the city

in one night

maybe ask some people to help

something personal

i dont know

but maybe if it makes the news I’ll notice it before I change

something illegal

like lillies graffitid in the centres of every town

one town a night

and it will get noticed

and if john can get people together to do this

and it makes the news

that feeling

sure i must remember

i just

im determined not to forget her

john, you have to help me with this

he has to

he must know how I feel

i dont even care that im not with her

being her friend right now just means the world to me

and john basically is me

he will help man

he has to

#story #personal #schedule #emerging evergreen #long text post #as usual

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