#the love I have for Janelle can’t even be put into words at this point <3

[herbaklava]

Janelle Monáe in her video for Lipstick Lover.

[romirola]

for the WIP game, lets seeee… can you tell us what inspired you most during the writing process, like maybe a certain song or Redacted video?

by the way I’ve got to tell you how much I admire you conviction I deeply envy your ability to have one WIP and fuckin knock that shit out the park my undiagnosed ADHD could literally not fathom it you beautiful mythical creature

-Lexi Sun ☀️

From this ask game!

@weightedblanketjoyfriend, thank you so much for this ask! It's always a joy to talk about fics, and to talk about the process of a fic!? You spoil me!! (And that's why you get a few short snippets!) Thank you for those kind words, but honestly, forcing myself to work on one WIP is less about conviction and more about my own sanity. It's too hard for me to keep all the plots in my head. I just gotta get my head down and focus on the one, or else I'll feel too pressured to make progress on everything and make progress on nothing, not to mention suck all the fun out of something I find to be so, so enjoyable. Onto my writing process for Balancing Act:

Most of my fics start with a bit of dialogue that I hear inside my head and really, really like. So much so, that I get obsessed with it. From there, I start to construct the immediate scene/context of that dialogue. Who said it? Why? To whom? What's happening to prompt that speech/situation? (Fun fact, I can point out the "starter" dialogue snippet of every fic I have written, because it just turns over and over and over again in my head before I even start drafting.) In the case of Balancing Act, the starter bit of dialogue was:

“It… It hurts!” they half-cried, half growled. Sharp teeth pushed up from out of their gums, shooting lightning bolts through their jowls. Angel sputtered and choked, overwhelmed with the onslaught of stretching and expanding every part of their body somehow experienced all at once. “Hurts bad… Make it stop! Please, I can’t…” They wrestled out of David’s arms, rolling over to the other corner of the bed. They teetered near the edge before toppling onto the ground in a wriggling heap. “Ahh!” David vaulted after them. “Angel!” He quickly ran to his whimpering mate. When David stepped to the side to reach Angel on the floor, he gasped sharply.  An enormous black wolf lay sprawled out on the ground, awkwardly trying to balance on massive paws and twisting their sleek head in every direction to get a good look at their furry, beastly body.

Yeah, 9.9/10 times, my starter dialogue is hurt/comfort... Very predictable Romi behavior right there...

Eventually, a story starts to form around the moment, and I follow that story backwards and forewords. If I'm lucky, more "starter moments" form in my head and the connections between moments becomes clearer. For example, once I realized Angel struggled with a spontaneous shift, and that their instinctual confusion with experiencing the process would probably lead to the shift causing them immense pain, I also realized I'd love to see Angel thrive as alpha, which led to me to hear this little bit of dialogue:

Janelle’s smug grin faltered. She flinched away from Angel, her pegasus suddenly wanting to flee from the predator before her. “I…” “And say that breach happened in front of an unempowered human who decided to go hunting shifters for sport, trying to bring home a mythical pelt, thinking they’re going to be the one to show the world Bigfoot exists,” Angel pressed. “What then, if shifters were compromised? If bounties were put out on our heads by unempowered people who see shifters as animals? If shifters were hunted for sport, maybe legally, if the unempowered government were afraid of the half-monster things they'd fear you to be? Or, maybe instead, you want shifters all to be rounded up and caged like animals by some amatuer-wanna-biologists? Is that how you want to live? Trapped? Experimented on? Always tranqued out your mind? Kept as someone’s pet, with an electric collar to keep you on your best behavior?”  Angel felt the wolf within howl and groan at the mere thought of the pack being subjected to such cruelty. <em>Pack. Protect. Threat. Shift. Shift now. Attack.</em> Their need to take down the pegasus and punish her for her insubordination was growing into a painful ache. How dare this woman be so cavalier about covert? Didn’t she understand the stakes? Didn’t she realize how brutally and power-hungry the unempowered part of society could be?  Angel did.

Or sometimes, the moments are totally unrelated! And that's a fun part of the process, too, because it means I have to get creative to see how the moments lead into each other. For example one has nothing to do with alpha!Angel, but it wouldn't leave me alone until I figured out how to include it:

“Watch yourself,” Sweetheart warned though their yawn undercut the normal edge with which they spoke. “Because that cute little girl is going to grow up to be the strongest stealth anyone has ever seen.” They held out a threatening finger. “And if anyone tries to deter her from that path in any way, shape, or form, I'll rip their guts with my bare hands and cloak the evidence before they even knew they were missing organs.” Milo shuddered at the graphic imagery Sweetheart used. “Okay, okay.” He wiggled Sweetheart over so that they were tucked in close to his body, turned inward so that their head could rest on his chest. “I think someone is up way past their bedtime, and their exhaustion is once again making them a little bit too vengeful for their own good.” He brushed a hand across Sweetheart’s forehead, letting his fingers linger on their temple until Sweetheart's blinks began to slow. “You are so hot when you're violent,” he whispered softly enough so that only Sweetheart would hear. “I love you.” 

It's the *moments*, Lexi! For me, the *moments* make the process. I am not one to draw inspiration from songs, though if there are any songs that you felt resonated with the fic, I would be very excited to hear your thoughts!

This was a long-winded answer to your question, so thank you for indulging me.

[sagaofstardustmkg]

ah priest, said the judge. what could I ask of you that you’ve not already given? | arianna

[ ♪♪♪ ]

Ah.

She sees the change come over Bo’s face through a weird and distant fugue and knows he can now hear it, too. The mantra. The metronome. The word that sits inside her mouth all the time, refusing to melt. 

Alone alone alone alone alone alone alone. 

And he can feel how true it is within the world he now glimpses. This particular kind of madness (one grown for many years between the brain and the skull wall like algae scumming over a pond) is wonderful like that. It gives its victims all the answers and relieves them of all innate capacity for doubt. Janelle knows, like every maniac knows, the pure and absolute truth of existence. 

That these people are her victims and she has been their tormentor and the shadow cast by that fact blacks out the possibility of any other interaction. 

That Caleb has been with her and she has loved him but she is responsible for this in a way he simply isn’t, and never will be. And when he and Ben go home together, he won’t need or want to know her anymore and that will be right. 

That the fantasy she used to have of a wizard school where the odd little friendless girl finally fits and makes the most wonderful friends in the world — 

(The fantasy she felt creeping back in when she put a flower crown on Mizu’s head, practiced waltzing with Caleb in the record room, handed Yuto his protective charm, took Strikeout’s hand on the dance floor, read the comics Mari had brought her in the infirmary.) 

— was a story for children and she has learned that these stories will only hurt you for keeping them past their expiration date.

Knowing this must be painful for Bo. She hates it. She wishes she could have kept her charm.

She finds, despite the fact she has considered herself long resigned to such things, that it’s painful for her, too. 

Why is it still painful, after all this time of waiting for it? Why doesn’t she have calluses? 

(Because it hasn’t happened yet. She’s just been dreading it for years.)

Her eyes stay open and her hand lowers from her hat as Fumie delivers the no, which she can take. (It makes her heart clench and twist to see Fumie completed not just by their efforts but by her friends; with the curse cut away, allowing her to begin healing back into her whole self.) She has prepared for the no, and she has answers that she’s trying to shape into words — 

When Mari speaks. It’s an unusually lenient response from a woman who has more than once resorted to murder outside their designated motive periods. This, too, is wholeness. Mari has been forged over time from a jagged bit of metal into a weapon with heft, balance, a safe place to put your hands — and a fine sharp point. She wouldn’t be Mari without it. 

It’s Ben who makes her eyes quiver first. She must look like she’s reading invisible lines of text in the air; Rya, sensing her distress, is so confused she begins to rattle again before realizing there is no actual threat coming from the radiant brilliant all-loving man who hasn’t even been conscious of how many times he’s cleaned up after her. 

Her mouth floods with the taste of pennies at his You must be tired. Her eyes are still held wide but there is a new feeling in them at the words thank you for loving him. There is some movement of her lips but she can’t think of anything to say to him in words and knows she will only sob.

And she can’t sob. She can’t. She is alone and she is rightly alone and crying would just be one more wicked manipulation she has visited on these people — on fucking Ben, of all people, who least deserves it. 

Who would say that to anyone, she tells herself. That’s the whole point of him. He would say that to anyone because he loves them all so much he literally exploded from it. So his words can’t be ones she lets herself —

(her throat makes a noise that’s kind of like nnn, but wetter) 

— internalize. An outlier. 

Caleb is more of a challenge because he knows everything. She can look at the others and dismiss them for not being able to comprehend the scope of it all, but he can. He’s been there for all of it.

She loves him so desperately now as their eyes meet and she forces hers to stay open but the silent tears start slipping out anyway when he speaks. Everyone. You can’t be alone and part of everyone, can you? But he says she is included in everyone and she has come to trust him more than anyone else in the world, between their dance lessons and late nights refining the game and the time she forced him to lay on the record room floor listening to Vashti Bunyan. 

(She might have written her most famous song just for them. Thought of them in the studio in 1970, when her high flutey voice prophesied a journey back to her love: "It’s many hundred miles and it won’t be long.")

They sat in the grass together when all of this started and talked about The Myth of Sisyphus, which he had encouraged her to read. The book claims life is fundamentally purposeless, unrewarding and absurd; therefore, it presents infinite opportunities for the creation of meaning and for recovery from your latest roll down the hill. 

Her body begins to shake. She’s being pulled between alone and everyone. Both things are true. Both things can’t be true.

And it’s Miyuki, with her perfect aim, who delivers the gentle it’s okay to lean on me, too, that cracks her down the middle. She paws at her still-open, still staring eyes to wipe away her tears. Her breath is coming short and ragged. Her sour mouth is not sure whether to twist or smile. 

“Miyuki, I —  that dance with you was one of the — “ she forces out, the first thing she’s managed to say “ — happiest moments I ever — like a dream, I — “ 

She doesn’t finish the sentence. She cuts herself off and presses her palms against the long table. Her spine is trying to curl itself inward again; she thinks about crouching on the ground with her knees drawn up to chest and her hands clapped over her ears.

Everything they are saying is in direct contradiction to what she knows to be true. That she is and should be alone. Alone alone alone alone alone alone. No one but Caleb has known enough to contradict this belief — this truth — in five years, and now that she’s getting it all at once she realizes she’s never had to defend it, really. She’s just known it and remained silently invincible in that knowing.

It’s Haruki who breaks her down completely. 

Which fits, doesn’t it?

He has cried so much, here. In this room and elsewhere. He provides a hugely disproportionate amount of the emotional energy they gather each time, less a high-voltage battery than a nuclear fucking reactor. Like the ocean, endless; like the ocean, impossible to ever predict or fully map. There are things inside Haruki that have evolved to produce light in absolute darkness, and vast horrors with rows of steak-knife teeth, and things Janelle is sure she has not yet seen.

And like the ocean, he compels a love that is strange and complete and total. A person who loves the sea can’t explain why any more than they can imagine not loving it. Beauty beyond beauty. A hundred million wonderful things to balance out a hundred million awful ones. 

(Janelle has one very strong memory of standing in the tide. They were in California for a Carter vacation, paperwork submitted and approved by the state; she was young and still scared of everything. She had not yet accepted that she could have two sets of parents, Longbough and Carter, who mattered. But she already knew Adelaide, another lost child from another set of parents entirely, was her sister.

Addie held her hand. They screamed and then laughed as the waves knocked them over. Their Carter mother tutted over them getting their hair wet. They were obsessed with playing mermaid for many months after.)

And seeing him be brave, well. 

How can she not find it in herself to be brave when he is? 

(Come on in. The water’s fine.)

She lets her eyes close and begins to cry quietly but in earnest, still ashamed, bending forward, choking out as she does —

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. Give me a sec. I’m sorry.”

Her hands against the table are the only thing holding her upright. 

It hurts more not to be alone, somehow. 

But she has hurt them all so much. They didn’t choose how; she and Caleb picked it for them. So she has to bear the hurt they pick for her.

The hurt of having her precious truth shattered. Of realizing her commitment to isolation and being misunderstood had always been its own kind of arrogance.

Of having her soft uncallused skin touched by gentle hands when she’d been bracing for blades.

“I’m sorry,” she sobs again, and she doesn’t know what it’s for. “I wish there were something better I could say that didn’t sound like a goddamn — two-dollar sympathy card — words are too small for what I owe you all — but I’m sorry. I. Give me a — just a minute, and I’ll be. Ready to talk. I’m sorry.“

There are many long seconds in which they can all hear the quiet workings of her throat and the hitching of her lungs.

But she gets herself back together quickly, all things considered. Takes her hands off the table and wipes her face. There will be a full-blown Ari Aster crying jag in her future if she has one. For now, she has questions to answer.

“I want to tell you all everything. Everything. Who was first —“

Her eyes roam the table.

“— Miss Fumie.” Sniff. “Right. Okay. And Mari, and Haruki — you all basically had the same question, right? Why should we believe Calamity Jane won’t fuck this six ways from Sunday?”

A half-laugh. A deep breath. 

“Because last time I had stolen pages of someone else’s research, half-cocked homebrew magic and Sasha givin’ me directions. This time, I am what I believe is the most bonafide expert on this specific move in the world. I’ve had Caleb, who is among the most bonafide experts on pocket dimensions period, helpin’ me learn for five years. I’ve practiced. I’ve planned. I’ve read every book there is about pocket dimensions and learned to cast on things I can’t see from a long way away. I’ve been at it all this time, close to non-stop as I could manage.”

Her words start in a tumble but regain their usual rhythm, deep and deliberate, as she continues. 

“Because havin’ the focus would mean I can work more precisely. It’s the thing that opens the pocket dimension up for the start and end of the year; connecting to other dimensions is something it already does. Last time, when I didn’t have it, what I did was like — like trying to get out of a house by running straight through the wall.”

Kool-Aid man style.

“With the focus? I can just open the door and close it again.”

Rya nods sagely, as if her opinion counts, from Janelle’s shoulder. This seems to reassure Janelle, if nobody else. 

Looking at Baku and the Bosties:

“Because Caleb has one more reset.”

She holds up a single finger.

“No matter what happens, he has the restart button. Win or lose, alive or dead, the moment he sees fit — we all rematerialize on our first day of school, healthy and whole. All the way whole. And —”

She swallows hard. Her throat clicks. Her eyes get wet again and her voice quavers:

“Because now you all know what it’s like. To be held prisoner someplace you can’t escape, where you thought things would be better, where someone who has all the power in the world is using it just to hurt you.

It’s been Hell here for six months, right? I know it’s been Hell for me these past five years. To not be able to get away from the hurting or make it better. To wish you could go home and — and see something familiar. Eat good food. Hold your pet. Tuck yourself into your own bed and sleep without dreading the moment you wake up. Or see something new. New music, new movies. Wear new clothes. Read a book you haven’t already read. Change yourself into a new person you couldn't be while you've been stuck here getting torn open again and again.”

Deadly serious. Weighted down with pain. The voice of someone who has walked on her knees a hundred miles through the desert repenting and expects to walk many more before she feels right with herself again. 

“Adelaide has been there for nine years, and maybe longer if faerie-time isn’t the same as our time. With no friends. No magic. No one to look out for her and no reason to believe she’ll ever see the outside again.”

A hard blink, dislodging more tears.

“I don’t deserve much. But Addie has always deserved everything. And I think all of you are vantaged to understand exactly how bad she needs to get home. So please let me try. Please.”

[golden-barnes]

Plum tarts and red carnations

Pairing: Florist! Bucky Barnes x F! Reader

Summary: Bucky is enamored with one of the employees of the bakery in front of his store.

Category: Fluff

Warning:s some self-doubting thoughts and cursing .

Word count: 2.5k

Author’s note: I have been thinking about this since that one anon and thank you @buckycuddlebuddy because you helped to inspire me further with this. Also think of Bucky as Beefy because I'm a softy for a gentle giant. Comment and reblog pls and thank you!

“Damn Jerry. You’ve been growing nicely. A little bit more, and you will be ready to find a new home, bud.” Bucky whispered to the little sprout he was watering. Bucky loved his morning routine.

Before opening up his shop, he would check on his nursery. Water the plants in his greenhouse, checking them to see how they have grown. He liked talking to them; they never judged him or ignored him. He even named them. Sam would help, too, though he treated it more as a joke.

After checking on the nursery, he would focus on making bouquets and arrangements for the store. Nobody knew he was the one who made those beautiful arrangements, and he liked it.

It was like therapy for him. Matching the flowers and creating bouquets with meaning was a talent Bucky didn’t know he had. By this point, the shop was opened and ready for business.

While preparing a rose bouquet, he saw a woman in an apron running out of the new coffee shop from the table next to the cash register. Oh shit, she’s pretty. He thought. He kept staring at her and forgot the fresh roses next to him, grabbed one carelessly.

“Fuck.” He accidentally pricked his finger with a thorn. He applied pressure to his wounded finger.

“Oh, are you okay, sir?” The pretty woman from the bakery asked. Bucky didn’t notice her entering the shop, and now she was here. Looking disheveled but incredibly beautiful.

“Yeah, happens all the time. What can I help you with?” He said, trying to sound as composed as possible. He could hear Sam’s voice in his head. “Play it cool, Buck.”The woman let out a sigh.

“I’m co-owner of the coffee shop, and it’s our opening day. I was encharged of the decorations, and I ordered some flowers from this other place, but when they got here, they were horrible. Like really bad. And oh god, I’m rambling, but I need a brand new arrangement.” She said all in one breath. Bucky had to fight a smile from appearing. Adorable.

“It’s okay. What colors did you want?” Bucky asked. The woman smiled at him.

“We wanted white and purples. Something simple. But honestly, I know nothing of flowers. I don’t understand why Wanda put me up with this? Now we are late, and I still have to finish decorating the cupcakes.” She explained while Bucky started to search for the flowers in his shop.

“Lilacs, with white peonies and lavender roses, would make a nice bouquet. How does that sound?” Bucky showed her the flowers he was referring to. The woman gasped.

“Oh, they are so pretty! You, sir, are a genius.” She gushed, still looking at the flowers. Bucky felt his cheeks getting red from receiving praise.

“I can bring it to you,” Buckywhispered, afraid that she might not like that idea. “You know, because you still have some stuff to finish, so you can do it, and I’ll bring it to you in less than 10 minutes.” She looked at him and went to hug him. Bucky tensed, not expecting the hug, but soon relaxed.

“You are literally my hero. Just ask for Y/N,” She said, walking towards the exit. “Wait, what’s your name?” She added, opening the door to leave.

“Bucky.” Y/N smiled at him. “See you later, Bucky.”

Bucky has never worked on an arrangement as hard as this one. He was already meticulous, but he really wanted to impress Y/N. Can you blame him? The pretty girl needed his help, and he wanted her to be happy. He even added some baby’s breath and this new white ribbon that had come in for weddings. He was very proud of it but also very nervous.

With a deep breath, Bucky entered the coffee shop. A brunette was at the door, cleaning the tables.

“Sorry, Sir. We are still aren’t open.” She said. Bucky gulped.

“Uhm. I’m looking for Y/N.” He told her; she looked at the flowers in his hands and understood. She yelled for Y/N, who came out of the kitchen with icing on her check, giving him the brightest smile.

“Hey, Bucky! That’s beautiful! How did you make such a pretty arrangement in less than 20 minutes?” She grabbed the vase out of his hands and set it on the counter. Bucky blushed and scratched his neck, shying away.

“It’s nothing.. I’m just happy you liked it.”

“How much do I owe you?” She asked. Bucky put his hands up.

“Oh, it’s on the house. Don’t worry. Call it a welcome gift.” He explained; Y/N jumped and gave him another hug. This time Bucky wrapped his arms around her.

“You are the nicest person on this fucking planet. I have to make it up to you. What’s your favorite fruit?” She pulled away from him and looked at Bucky in the eye. Bucky felt his breath hitch, and his palms get sweaty.

“I-I like plums.” He stuttered. She gave him a big smile and handed him a cookie.

“Hmm, I can make something with that.” She winked at him.

-

“I still haven’t named you, but honestly, I don’t know. You look like a Janelle, but also, I feel like that doesn’t fit.” Bucky said to the new cactus that arrived yesterday, in the afternoon.

“I think she looks like a Lucille.” Bucky turned around and saw Y/N with a box in hand.

“Oh, hi.” He felt embarrassed. She had heard him talk to his plants. Not even Steve had seen that. It was his private thing.

“She’s cute. What type of cactus is it?” She looked at it, not looking weirded out or anything.

“It’s called a Bishop’s cap. They grow to be very pretty and sprout a yellow flower. Not very popular in the shop, but there’s this new cactus crazy going on, and I thought to stock up.” Bucky explained, putting the cactus down next to the others.

“Do you name all your plants?” Bucky gulped and turned around to face her.

“Yeah, and talk to them too.” Bucky fought the urge to punch himself. Why would he say that? Fuck, now she is gonna think he is a fucking weirdo.

Much to his surprise, she smiled at him. She suddenly remembered the box she brought and opened it.

“For saving me yesterday, I made you a plum tart.” She opened it and pulled out the tart. Bucky felt his heart beating faster, and his hands get clammy.

“You didn’t have to.” “Ah! I beg to differ. Everyone that walked into our shop loved the flowers. They were really something. Like I couldn’t stop looking at them. So I had to show you my gratitude the only way I know how. With treats.”

“I couldn’t possibly eat that all alone. Want to share?” Bucky asked, giving her puppy eyes so she wouldn’t say no.

“You drive a hard bargain, Bucky. Has anyone ever told you can get away with murder with those eyes?” Y/N joked.

“I think my grandma’ probably said it. I have some silverware in the shop’s kitchen. When you have to be at your shop?” Bucky said, signaling her to follow him.

“I’m on break—perks of being the boss.” She explained while Bucky grabbed a few paper plates, forks, and a knife. She grabbed the knife and cut a big piece, and gave it to Bucky. Then she cut a piece for herself.

Bucky took a bite and accidentally let out a moan.

“I take it; you like it.” She winked at Bucky. He diverted his gaze from her. Why the fuck did I do that? Bucky screamed internally.

“It’s delicious. I can see why your shop has been packed since yesterday. Reminds me of my ma’s.” Bucky admitted.

“I’m glad, but I can’t take all the credit. You should see the coffee mixes Wanda came up with. They are the real star.” Bucky smiled at her. Nice and pretty… She let out a cough.

“How did you get really good with plants? Like sorry for the personal question, but you have a talent.” She inquired.

“Well, uhm. After getting discharged, my friend Sam suggested that I take classes to handle stress and PTSD. One of the classes was gardening, and I just found it so calming. So I started taking more courses and learning ‘till I decided to start my own business. I don’t think I could ever work anywhere else.” Bucky noticed her staring at him. “What?” He said, smiling awkwardly at her.

“Nothing. Just thinking about how you are the nicest man I’ve ever meet.” She said nonchalantly. Bucky chuckled.

“It’s nothing major. I just found my calling.” Bucky stated.

“I feel the same. I baked a lot in college, and then suddenly I was like fuck, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.” She recalled. Her eyes glowed under the light of the kitchen.

“I felt the same way when I started this shop.” Bucky admitted, she bit back a smile.

“By the way, I like the name—Howling’s flowers. Oh, and how pretty this store is, it looks like I walked in a magical forest.” She complimented.

“I- thanks. I named my store after my squad and the decor well; that’s kind of an embarrassing story.” Bucky chuckled nervously. She rolled her eyes.

“Oh, please. I own a coffee shop named Magic café, and all of our items are named after magical things. I am the last person to judge.” Bucky bit his lip nervously while listening to her.

“I based it on The Hobbit. It was my favorite book when I was younger, and I just couldn’t imagine decoring this store anyway else.” Y/N looked at him with an open mouth.

“Okay, are you government android? Because you are friendly, great with plants and well-read. You are too good to be true.” She laughed. Bucky needs to find a way to blush less in her presence because this is like the fourth or fifth time it has happened.

They finished eating their pieces of tart and talking for a while. Y/N decided to go back to the shop, not realizing how much time she spent there. Before leaving, Bucky gave her some more lavender roses.

“Oh, Bucky, you don’t have to.” She protested.

“It’s just to add to the arrangement. I feel like it was missing a few more roses. You’ll be doing me a favor.” He assured. She grabbed the flowers and smelt them before smiling and giving him a small thanks.

Little did she know that lavender Roses mean love at first sight.

They played that little game for weeks, almost 2 months. Y/N would take her lunch break at Bucky’s shop. Feed him some food and pastries that she was experimenting with, and he would give her flowers.

“To put on the counter. Your store deserves fresh flowers every day.” Bucky claimed. But in actuality, all the flowers meant something. The white camellias? He was telling her that he admired her. The amaryllis? That he found you beautiful. The white and purple stocks? A silent plea for bonds of affection from your part. But he couldn’t bring himself to say these things out loud.

Speaking to Y/N in flowers was much easier. Maybe because she didn’t know and couldn’t reject him.

“Bucky, you gotta tell her, man.” Steve would try to reason with him. “She likes you; you like her. Just tell her that you like her or ask her out on a date.”

“You don’t get it, Steve.” Bucky would argue, which led to an entire discussion on how Bucky is being a coward that ended with him telling Steve and Sam to fuck off.

But they were right; it was simple. She has been an absolute doll with him. She doesn’t mind hearing his rants about the new book he read and helped him water his plants. She even bought waterproof labels to put their names on their planters. She even asked (more like demanded) Bucky to send her the pictures of every bouquet and arrangement he made. She loved seen his creations.

And he loved being her test subject. She would bring him new pastries to try. He was her official taste tester. Anything new in the store, Bucky had already tried it in every one of its variations. Y/N would speak to him of all of her special interests and all of her new hobbies. He had even met all her friends, and they loved him.

So why was this so difficult? Bucky groaned while arranging the flowers at the front of the shop.

“What’s got you all groaning and gloomy, Bucky-bear?” Y/N asked him. She looked radiant in her work clothes. Ugh, Bucky had it bad.

“Nothing, j-just thinking.” He nervously replied.

“Don’t overthink. You might over-heat your brain, bubs.” She joked, entering Bucky’s shop. And like the hopeless romantic he is, he followed.

“Soooooooo I have been trying out this new pasta recipe, and you are the only one I trust to give me the truth.” She said, opening the Tupperware she brought. Bucky’s heart fluttered at her words. He felt light-headed; maybe that’s why he couldn’t stop himself from opening his mouth.

“I like you.” He blurted out. He slapped his hand over his mouth. Y/N turned to him, widen eyes, and mouth gaped.

“Bucky, do you mean that? Because if you are playing with me, I will fight you with this.” She warned Bucky, threatening with a spoon.

“I like you a lot. Actually love you. I- that’s what those flowers meant.” Bucky explained. Y/N put down the spoon.

“What flowers?” She asked, in the softest tone he has ever heard her speak in. Bucky turned his gaze to the floor, embarrassed that this was his confession.

“All of them. They all meant love in one form or the other.” He admitted. Y/N stood in front of him and put her hand on his cheek. He felt his heart do backflips.

“What flower means I’m in love with you, Bucky?” She asked, caressing his cheek.

“Maybe red carnations.” He joked, leaning into her touch.

“I’ll ask this handsome florist with a heart of gold to make me a bouquet to give you.” Bucky chuckled while she let out a little giggle.

“I would love a bouquet, but I would much rather have a plum tart from the sexy baker on the store out front.” Y/N hummed.

“I think I can make that happen.” She said, pulling him closer. “Can I kiss you, Bucky?” She asked; Bucky could only nod.

She grabbed his face and pressed her lips against his. Bucky wrapped his arms around her, pulling her even closer, molding her body against him. Their lips gliding over each other smoothly, as if they were made for each other.

They pulled away to take a breath, and they both had the same dopey smile. Tarts and carnations. Who knew they mixed so well?

[tchallasbabymama]

Don’t Judge Me

Chapter 2 of my Untitled (for now) Song Series. Here’s the link to Chapter 1 if you haven’t read it. 

Word count: 5348

CW: smut

The next morning, Ashanti woke up in a sweat about thirty minutes earlier than usual. She had dreamed of the mystery man again, only this time he wasn’t such a mystery anymore even though his face was still a blur. She’d recognize his gait anywhere and his warm cocoa butter scent filled her nose. She had been dreaming about the king, and this time they went further than a kiss.

She peeled off the big T-shirt she slept in and fanned herself to cool down, but then she noticed a stickiness between her legs...

“I can't believe I had a whole ass wet dream about the king.” She whispered to herself as her mind drifted back to what she was experiencing just minutes ago. It only came to her in flashes, but she could still feel his big hands all over her body and his tongue making its way down to her center before swirling around her still throbbing pussy. She felt her pussy stretch as he entered her from behind and his balls slapping against her clit. She felt his hand squeezing the sides of her throat, and just as they came together she woke up.

The memory made her pussy throb even more as more wetness dripped out of her. She couldn't help but to trace her nipples with her left hand and trail her right hand down her body, taking the same path Dream T’Challa took down to her aching pearl. Her fingers stroked her clit and she let out a moan, still thankful for the soundproof walls.

His voice played in her head.

Say my name.

“Mmm, T’Challa…”

Do you like when I fuck you like this?

“Ewe kumkani wam”

Oooh, you like it rough, don't you? Nasty girl...

“Mmm just for you, baby.”

That’s not my name. What’s my fucking name?

“Kumkani”

Uh-huh, there you go kitten. Turn over…

Look at me.

That’s right, cum on my dick just like that. Cum for your Kumkani.

Mmm, I’m not pulling out. I’m staying right here and filling you up. Oh, you like that? Good. I want you overflowing with me. Can you do that for me baby? Can I cum in this pussy?

“Cum in your pussy Kumkani.”

Ashanti’s legs began to shake and the tingling in her lower abdomen began to overwhelm her senses. Her body tensed up then she released all over her fingers with a loud jagged moan. She came down from her high while slowly playing in the pool of wetness that had collected between her lips.

She loved starting her day with an orgasm, and she hoped that maybe it would end with one too if her date went well enough.

Ashanti peeled herself from her bed and got up to get her day started. She went for her usual morning run, ate breakfast with her roommates, then went to open the store just like any other workday. The only difference being she was getting progressively more nervous about her date with the king as time went on. It was a slow day in the Bazaar, so she closed her shop down around 4 and went to visit her parents before the dinner rush.

She walked into the restaurant and saw her mom sitting at a table rolling flatware, so she silently sat down beside her and proceeded to roll with her. Five minutes passed before Ashanti gave a sigh and looked like she had something to say that she couldn’t quite get out. Bisa knew something was seriously bothering her, but she also knew her child would eventually tell her.

“So I have a date tonight.”

A crash was heard from the kitchen as her dad emerged seemingly out of nowhere.

“With who?!”

“I can’t tell you…”

Chidi and Bisa looked at each other in confusion.

“What do you mean you can't tell us? You tell us everything!”

“More than we need to know, most times…”

“Chidi, hush. Honey, who is this person?”

“Mama, Baba...if I tell you then you have to promise to keep this between us.” “Of course baby”, they said in unison. Ashanti took a deep breath.

“I have a date with King T’Challa…”

They stared at her in disbelief. Chidi looked like he had seen a ghost and Bisa’s excitement grew by the second.

“Oh my Bast! Baby, how did you...of course he’d be an idiot not to, but how...he's the king!”

“I don't like it…” Chidi grumbled as Bisa hit his arm.

“Baba! Why?”

“He just seems so...slick.”

“Chidi, hush. I’m happy for you honey, but what’s the problem? You’ve been moping around here this whole time.” Bisa held Ashanti’s cheek in one hand and moved the braids out of her face with the other.

“I’m scared, Mama. He’s sweet and intelligent and the finest man Bast ever created...I just don’t know. He’s royalty for Bast’s sake! What could we possibly have in common?”

“You never know until you talk to him, honey.”

“Your mama’s right. Get out of your head, kiddo, it’ll be fine. But if he tries anything, I’m not above treason.”

Ashanti laughed at her father, knowing he was only half joking.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that, Baba…” Ashanti started before sighing and standing up. “Alright, I should start getting ready if I’m going to do this thing. Wish me luck!”

She kissed both of her parents on the forehead and grabbed her things to head home, but not before swiping a snack from the kitchen. On her way back to her house her nerves started to grow again, but once she arrived Binta and Kwame helped talk her out of it.

“Sis, breathe. First and foremost, you need to be alive for the date. Second there’s nothing to worry about! He already likes you after just meeting you twice, you got this!”

“It’s not just that…”

“What is it?” Binta asked with real concern written all over her face.

“I...srt of had a wet dream about him last night…”  

Both twins were in shock.

“About the King?!”

“Ooooh you’re in for it Miss Thang.”

“What do you mean?”

“Did it feel real?”

“Yes, but-”

“Then someone’s gonna get their back blown out by our kumkani!”

Ashanti looked away and she felt her cheeks and ears heat up while Binta and Kwame screamed in celebration of their best friend’s new dick supplier.

“He’s going to knock the dust off that thing, thank Bast. Girl you must tell us about that strength of the Black Panther mess, because I just know that man is packing a weapon.”

“I wonder if you can fuck him with the suit on,” Bisa thought out loud.

“He had a big dick in my dream...and that suit idea isn't half bad, I’ll hold onto that for later.” Ashanti winked at her roommates.

Kwame looked at the time.

“Ok enough chit-chat, go get ready. Prince Charming will be here soon.”

“You mean King Charming?”

“No, it’s from some European story. They actually do have a few things that aren’t half bad.”

“ Ooookay. Well I’m gonna go shower the day off.”

“Need help picking your outfit?” Binta asked with a hopeful tone in her voice. She loved a good at-home fashion show.

”I have it narrowed down to two, so I could definitely use a second and third opinion. Now let me go shower!”

Ashanti stepped under the water and her music began to play. Her nerves washed down the drain and a feeling of euphoria came over her as violins blared through her speakers followed by the sweet sounds of an acoustic guitar. Her heart swelled, and her cheeks hurt from smiling so big.

Come, let me kiss you right there Wake you up like sunrise On the backs of your thighs I'm gonna pray you this prayer That I keep in my mind As a lovely reminder

Janelle Monae somehow perfectly captured the warm and fuzzy and nervous feelings that come with falling in love. “Don’t Judge Me” had quickly become one of her American favorites, but until recently she had forgotten that feeling. It had been four years since her last first date, and one year of being single. Her ex broke her heart into a million little pieces, and she was still struggling to put herself back together again. Ashanti had just gotten to the point where she felt she could ever love again when T’Challa breezed into her shop. His timing had been perfect, almost divine.

Even though you tell me you love me I'm afraid that you just love my disguise Taste my fears and light your candle to my raging fire Of broken desire

The lyrics spoke to her nervousness to open herself up to someone new, especially someone with so much power in his hands already. What could she do if he ended up being abusive like-

She cut herself off and turned off the water, stepping out of the shower and letting herself air dry while finishing her skincare routine. Ashanti covered herself in shea butter and spritzed on the new perfume Binta got her for her birthday last month. Then she started on her makeup, deciding to keep it light. She swiped on a tinted moisturizer, added some highlight to her cheeks, and filled in her brows before swiping some mango-flavored red-ish lip stain over her plump lips.

Ashanti switched out her round septum ring for a triangular one she just made last night out of boredom. The point of the ring landed above her cupid’s bow like a giant flashing sign that reads “Put lips here!”

She parted her braids on the left side and two-strand twisted the front section before pinning it back and pulling the rest of her hair in a bun at the back of her head. She took a deep breath and threw on outfit choice number one. Binta and Kwame were already situated in the living room with a bottle of wine ready for the show.

She wore tapered, high waisted kente pants with a black lace bustier top and a layered pearl necklace.

“Ok this is outfit number one.” Ashanti turned around so they could get the full view. She could see them both trying their best to hold their tongues. “Please hold all comments until the end.”

“But girl that-”

“Aht! Not. Yet.”

Ashanti did one last twirl before Naomi Campbell walking back to her room. Binta and Kwame looked at each other and said a whole mouthful with just their eyes.

When she walked into the living area she had slid into a leather skirt and a billowy white off the shoulder top. She had topped it off with a gold choker of her own design. Ashanti did a little twirl before allowing her roommates to give their feedback.

“One at a time. Kwame?”

“Ok so, first off, where is he taking you?”

“I have no idea, he just said be ready at 7.”

“Ok then I’d go with outfit one, but with this choker. The pearls hide your titties, and girl that bustier calls for them to be front and center”

“Seconded. And you should wear those cute beaded sandals you got the other day at the Bazaar. Normally I’d say heels, but since you don't know what the date is it’s better to be safe and wear flats. You know how you are, and that is inappropriate first date behavior. You keep your shoes where?”

“On my feet.” Ashanti grumbled. She loved wearing heels, but her feet didn’t. Almost every time she wore them she ended up carrying them in her hand while walking around barefoot for some relief. This annoyed Binta to no end.

“Thank you. Now go put on the full outfit!”

“Be right back”

Ashanti made her way back to her room and changed into the same pants and bustier from earlier. She slid on the beaded sandals Binta suggested and checked out her neon purple pedicure before standing up and smoothing her clothes down in the mirror. Just as she reached for her doorknob the doorbell rang.

“6:50, he’s early.”

She heard the door open downstairs and damn near tripped over her feet to run downstairs to keep her roommates embarrassing her. She didn’t make it in time.

“Good evening, I am supposed to be taking Ashanti out for the night. Is she in?” Kwame and Binta saluted the king and stammered over their words.

“S-she just uh-”

“She’s u-upstairs, kumkani wam.”

“‘Please, call me T’Challa. Hopefully we will be seeing more of each other.” he said, sending a wink their way before he saw Ashanti enter the room from the corner of his eye.

______________

T’Challa was startled awake by the sound of his alarm. Normally he wakes up on his own and the alarm is just an extra precaution, but occasionally it comes in handy. This was one of those times thanks to a tantalizing dream he didn’t want to leave.

He was sure the woman in his dream was Ashanti, despite the fact that he couldn’t make out her face clearly. She had the same sway in her wide hips, and he recognized the delicately rough hands that found their way up and down his body. He could taste her on his lips and his dick still stood at attention for her. T’Challa looked at the clock and determined he had enough time to take care of himself, but just as he got up to get the shea butter a knock at his door ruined the mood. The king growled in frustration.

“Ay nigga, you late!” N’Jadaka called through the door.

“I am aware, cousin. I will be there shortly.”

N’Jadaka made his way down to the dining area while T’Challa quickly got ready for his day that was already starting out on a frustrating note. He finally made it down to breakfast just as the food was being served.

The royal family ate and discussed the day ahead.

“Someone’s got a date with that cute shopgirl today…” Shuri teased her big brother and he cut his eyes at N’Jadaka.

“You told her?!”

“He told us both dear, you know Daka can’t hold water. So tell us about her. She is in Ada’s old storefront, yes?”

T’Challa sighed and removed his napkin from his lap, placing it on the table and leaning back in his chair.

“Yes mama, she bought Ada’s and the shop next to it.”

“What does she sell?”

He figured now was as good a time as any, so he called Ayo on his beads.

“Ayo, please bring the black bag from my office with “Taj’s” on the side”

“Ewe kumkani wam, right away.”

T’Challa looked back towards his family, each one with their eyes glued to him.

“She is an artist,” he started. “She has turned it into a multi-purpose artistic space, but the shop is still operational. It’s called Taj’s now after her grandfather-”

“Yeah ok, tell us about her, ubhuti.”

Ayo came in with the requested bag and handed it to her king.

“Thank you, you are dismissed Ayo,” he said before turning back to his family. T’Challa reached into the bag and pulled out two boxes before handing them to his mother and sister.

“Damn, nothing for me?” N’Jadaka feigned offense.

“Not this time, umzala. Mama, sister, I hope you like them. They were custom made by Ashanti.”

Ramonda and Shuri opened their gifts and were stunned speechless. Shuri immediately took off her current necklace and replaced it with her brother’s gift. Ramonda stared at it, still speechless.

“Thank you, brother, I love it! Ashanti is very good at what she does.”

“You are more than welcome. Mama, do you like it?”

“Like it? It's too beautiful for me to even touch. This is amazing, unyana wam, thank you.”

“Good job, T.” N’Jadaka raised his glass of mango juice to his cousin.

“Well, as you can see she is very talented. I went to visit Ada the other day, but wanted to see what became of her shop first. When I saw her, I-...she took my breath away. She has this warm energy that just pulls you in and wraps its arms around you...”

“You sound sprung, as the Americans say.”

“Mmmhm he sure is Auntie, nose wide open and everything.”

T’Challa wanted to roll his eyes, but they were right. It took everything in him to not start grinning like a fool.

The royals parted ways after breakfast and went to tend to their duties. T’Challa and N’Jadaka didn’t have time for a walk today since there was a council meeting immediately after breakfast. It turned out to be the most boring council meeting T’Challa had ever presided over. What’s worse than land disputes? DIscussing treaties and embargoes with other countries. Half the council wanted Wakanda to keep its resources, citing how the rest of Africa was stripped of its riches by Europeans. They felt there was nothing positive the outside world had to offer Wakanda. The other half of the council argued that Wakanda was too strong a nation to be controlled by western powers, and therefore should join in trade and keep the upper hand.

“My king?”

T’Challa had zoned out for the past five minutes until N’Jadaka elbowed his side, pulling him out of his daydream.

“Huh?”

“My king, we were asking where you stood on the matter.”

N’Jadaka looked at his cousin knowingly, trying to conceal a smirk.

“I will need more time to think on it. Let us revisit this matter in a week, is there anything else on today’s agenda?” He asked his cousin.

“Nope, we’re done.”

“Thank Bast,” T’Challa whispered under his breath. “Meeting adjourned. I will see you all next week.”

As the council members left the room one by one, N’Jadaka stared at his cousin with his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.

“Only one of us can zone out at a time and I had some good daydreams planned for today, so what’s up with you?”

T’Challa sighed.

“I can’t get her off my mind…”

“Wide. Open.” N’Jadaka cackled as he left his cousin sitting in the throne room, still thinking about Ashanti.

T’Challa had a full agenda for the day and decided to get started. Why bother daydreaming when in just a few hours he would be in her presence.

First, he went to visit the river tribe. It was the dry season, but thankfully the river still flowed with enough water to last them until the rainy season kicked back into gear. Then, he visited his sister’s lab and the mining tribe.

“Brother! You must look at this!”

Shuri barely gave him a chance to get in the lab before she was dragging him left and right showing him her new creations. The visit lasted longer than T’Challa expected, but time always flew when he was with his usisi.

The king made his way back to his quarters to start preparing for the night. He had decided on a nighttime picnic by a private lake for their first date so they could talk and get to know each other better.

Hopping into the full bathtub that already awaited him in his quarters thanks to the palace staff, T’Challa relaxed into the water and felt most of his stress slip away. To get the rest of the stress out, he reached for the pre-roll that was placed beside the tub with a note from the royal grower.

“Snow Goddess OG -Amare”

“Snow goddess, huh? Probably Jabari…” T’Challa lit the blunt and relaxed even more into the water, letting the weed take him to another plane.

T’Challa’s body felt tingly and he couldn't keep the smile off his face. He fought a giggle as he rose from his bath and caught sight of his chubby half-erect dick hanging down his thigh in the mirror.

“She’s not even here and we don't have time. Sorry, man, I’ll get you later, I promise..or maybe she will? Either way, just be patient.”

“Shit, what was in that?” T’Challa laughed at himself for talking to his dick.

He had already gotten lined up earlier that day, and he admired the barber’s job well done while he moisturized his curls then the rest of his body. The king spritzed on a new cologne and made sure to spread some to his pulse points. He filed his nails then relocated to his closet to put together an outfit for the night.

Even though T’Challa was a relatively young king he always seemed beyond his years when he stepped into his Black Panther and kingly duties. However, outside of when he needs to be professional, T’Challa was like any other Wakandan in their late twenties. Instead of the traditional formal attire he wore when performing his duties, he dressed more modern and relaxed in informal settings. When T’Challa and Ashanti met he had been wearing a simple black shirt and jeans with his black combat boots and his Black Panther claw necklace on display. The second time they saw each other he had on an intricately embroidered black tunic over matching pants and black sandals. This time he wanted to look nice, but still relaxed. He needed to find a happy medium.

T’Challa stood naked in his closet for about 15 minutes before it finally came to him.

________________

‘How is this man so fine?’ Ashanti thought to herself as she took in the sight before her. There stood the king, in her entryway, looking like a whole damn meal. Her eyes travelled up and down his lean, muscular frame just as his eyes did the same to her. He wore a short sleeved black button up with kente trim which was unbuttoned just enough for her to see his claw necklace resting in an almost unnoticeable bit of chest hair. He had on some simple dark wash jeans and his favorite pair of boots donned his feet. The icing on the cake was the silver hoop earring in his right lobe. Ashanti just about passed out, and that was before she even registered that they matched.

T’Challa couldn’t keep his jaw up to save his life. He already knew how gorgeous she was, but she had somehow gotten even more beautiful in 24 hours.

“Oh my Bast, how adorable?!” Kwame broke her from her daze.

Ashanti quickly grabbed her bag and hugged her roommates before pulling T’Challa out of the house.

“Sorry for rushing you, but they were absolutely going to do something embarrassing if we stayed any longer.” Ashanti reached to push her hair behind her ear, forgetting she had already pulled it back. “You uh- you look pretty alright today.”

T’Challa laughed and she nearly melted at the  sound.

“Wow, I was going for ‘just ok’, but I have to say I like that you said I’m pretty.”

Ashanti playfully rolled her eyes and he placed his hand at the small of her back to lead her to his car.

“So where are you taking me?”

“It is a surprise.”

“Ok well, one thing you'll learn about me is I hate surprises.”

“You’ll survive without knowing for 15 more minutes, I promise Miss Ashanti.”

Something about the way he said her name made her go quiet. She wanted to hear it more often.

“I guess...so tell me about your day to distract me.”

T’Challa leaned back into his seat and let autopilot do the work.

“It was a normal day for the most part. Breakfast with my family followed by a tragically boring meeting with the council. Then I had to go visit the river and mining tribes. Lastly, I stopped by my sister’s lab for a while to see what she’s up to since she’s always tinkering around with something or creating amazing new inventions. I had to check in and see what’s new.”

“That sounds fun! The last part, not the other stuff.”

The king chuckled and reached for her hand.

“It was, but truthfully I was very distracted all day thinking of you.”

Ashanti’s voice caught in her throat.

Is he serious?

“Were you now…?”

“Yes, you seem to have made quite the impression on my subconscious.”

Ashanti tried to play it cool, but her guilty-looking face gave her away.

“What is it?”

“I may or may not have been thinking of you all day too.”

The two of them looked at each other and smiled. T’Challa’s eyes had just trailed down to her lips when the car announced their arrival. The king got out first and came around to open Ashanti’s door. He held out his hand and led her down a wooded path that was lit with tiny lights among the trees. The walk was short, and when they arrived at their destination Ashanti couldn’t believe her eyes.

Twinkling lights reflected off of a lake she had never seen. She turned to take in her surroundings and noticed the large border tribe blanket laid out on the ground and a covered basket overflowing with food. Ashanti was happy she wore flats.

“So I wasn’t sure what type of food you like, but I figured that since you were listening to music from outside Wakanda, you might enjoy foods from outside as well. I narrowed it down to one area though my first idea was to have food from all over, but thankfully my cousin talked me out of that one...”

T’Challa kept rambling as he began removing dishes from the basket and every last one made Ashanti’s stomach growl. She was starting to regret the bustier.

He pulled out jerk chicken, plantain, callaloo, and rice and peas. Next he pulled out some ackee and saltfish.

“This is usually for breakfast, but it’s my favorite meal of the day so I eat it whenever”

“Anyone who thinks breakfast isn't the best meal of the day deserves to be thrown off a cliff-”

She looked at the king.

“Too soon?” She asked sheepishly, hoping she didn't offend him.

“No, do not worry, it is fine. We have a better relationship now,” T’Challa chuckled. “And for the final touch, we have rum cake. I cheated and made it with Wakandan rum, but who is going to check me?”

Ashanti busted out laughing.

“Yes you hang around your American cousin a lot it seems, but more importantly you said you ‘made it’? Like you baked that cake? You, the king?”

“Yes. I love to cook, I just don’t have much time for it. I made all of this here for us to enjoy tonight.”

Ashanti had never had a man cook for her before, and certainly not on a first date. She hoped it was good because her poker face was shit and she didn’t want to have to hurt the king’s feelings. “Shall we?” T’Challa gestured towards the food and they both dug in.

Dinner was torture for T’Challa. Not only was she loving his food, but the noises she made while she enjoyed it made his dick harden. They made conversation and got to know each other better, scooting closer and closer to each other every time they had to shift to reach another item of food. They spoke about everything, finally landing on music. They tapped their kimoyo beads together, creating a playlist of both of their favorite songs for them to listen to as they continued to eat and talk.

“Oh my Bast, T’Challa this is so good. Where did you learn to cook like this? I assumed you had staff to do it for you.”

“We do, but when I was young I loved being with them in the kitchen so much they taught me how to cook.”

“This really is amazing, and I’m not just saying this because you're the king. I’ve never had someone cook for me like this, thank you.”

“Anything for you, Ashanti.”

He looked into her eyes and she blushed.

“So where exactly are we?”

“At a private lake near the palace. I come here often to relax and unwind, you should see it during the day.”

“You’ll have to bring me back, then.”

“That I will.”

“So, since this is a private lake it’s just us?”

“Well there are Dora Milaje out near the car, but yes it is just us.”

“And no crocodiles or hippos or anything like that…?”

T’Challa laughed.

“Do you really think I’d have you by predator-infested waters? You are safe here. Plus I am the Black Panther, you are safe wherever we go.”

“I like that…” Ashanti got lost in his lips, but got nervous and went back to her original thought. She knew how to shake herself out of her nerves. “So, since we’re alone and you're the only predator out here, let's go for a swim!”

“I will send the Dora for a change of clothes-”

“No need.”

T’Challa looked up and saw Ashanti in all her naked glory. She looked like Bast herself with her soft tummy and long thick legs. Her breasts bounced as she moved and her ass sat at the perfect height for him to grab onto. He tried to quiet the growl in his chest, but failed miserably.

“See something you like?”

T’Challa stripped faster than he ever had before and now it was her time to stand in awe. His rippling muscles almost made her heart stop, but it was the monster between his legs that turned her into a puddle.

“See something you like?”

Ashanti bit her lip and stared at him before turning around.

“Maybe if you can catch me,” she shouted before running into the lake.

Ashanti was a much better swimmer than T’Challa had assumed and he actually had to put in effort to catch up with her, but once he snagged her he immediately planted a kiss on her lips. He felt her body go slack as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, deeply.

Janelle Monae’s voice carried across the lake and into their ears as T’Challa kept them afloat while his tongue explored her mouth. Ashanti gripped his hair and wrapped her legs around his waist. They pulled apart and looked into each other's eyes before laughing.

“Let's go somewhere I don't have to work so hard to keep us from drowning, eh?”

“Where do you have in mind?” Ashanti asked him while peppering his jawline with kisses.

But don't judge me I know I got issues But they drown when I kiss you Don't judge me Baptize me with ocean Recognize my devotion The water's perfectly good Let's reintroduce ourselves From a free point of view If I'm gon' sin, it's with you Tattoo your love on my heart Let the rumors be true. Even though you tell me you love me I'm afraid that you just love my disguise Taste my fears and light your candle to my raging fire The dirty desire But don't judge me I know I got issues But they drown when I kiss you Don't, don't judge me Baptize me with ocean Recognize my devotion What if I, what if, what if I touched you right there? Even though you say that you love me Is it me or do you love my disguise? If I missed you, would you think I was lonely If I say what's on my mind? Even though you say that you love me Is it me or do you love my disguise? If I kissed you, would you think I was lonely If I let you inside? Come, let me kiss you right there What if I kissed you right there? Would you tremble inside, or just call it a night? What if I gave you a show? You could touch if you like Right there If I kissed you would you think I was lonely? If I... It feels so good

Come, let me kiss you right there

Just say that you love me (just tell me you love me)

Next up:

Chapter 3

[radiantroope]

Lonely Heart || Rafe Cameron

Chapter Two – Coming Home

chapter summary: You return to Kildare and find out just how sick your mother is. You visit a friend who’s harboring a damning secret.

warnings: familial cancer, mentions of familial death, swearing, a teeny bit of alcohol consumption

word count: 2.6k+

author’s note: another filler chapter lol. i want to make the chapters longer but i don’t want to rush the story. they’ll probably get longer after this one. chapter three is gonna be a doozy y’all, i hope you’re ready. as always, feedback is greatly appreciated. i write for myself but if no one’s interested what’s the point in posting? i hope you like it!🥰

read chapter one here!

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You didn’t think twice about catching the first flight to the Outer Banks. Your father’s haunting, solemn voice echoed in your head. He sounded distraught and you knew he needed you. He didn’t want to discuss your mother’s condition over the phone so he bid you goodbye and promised to be waiting at the airport for you. You packed every bag you had — the three Louis Vitton suitcases displayed on the top shelf in your closet and the two large duffel bags stuffed under your queen sized bed. As much of your belongings as you could fit were haphazardly stuffed to the brim in each of them.

You didn’t sleep that night, it was no use since you booked your flight for five in the morning. Your stomach bubbled nervously as you watched the hours tick by, finally deciding to head for the airport at three. Your Uber pulled up outside your building and the driver kindly helped you get your bags into the trunk. The highway was almost completely empty in the early hours of the morning. You arrived at LAX in record time, thankful you didn’t have to deal with the dreaded California traffic.

After making your way through security and checking your bags, you found a chair at your gate in the corner away from others. You sat numbly, staring out the window as other planes took off and landed. You were preparing yourself for the worst. Your father wouldn’t have told you to come home if your mother’s condition wasn’t serious. For a fleeting moment you let yourself worry about classes and what you were going to do about school, but you quickly shoved those thoughts away. School would still be there in the end, your mother might not.

The five hour flight felt like an eternity. You tried your best to get even an ounce of sleep, but you could hear the hum of the aircraft over your music and a baby sitting a few rows behind you was crying every fifteen minutes. You ordered a rum and coke from the flight attendant to numb you a little bit more, take some of the edge off. One turned into three and finally you were landing in the Outer Banks, patting yourself on the back for not snapping at the poor mother who couldn’t console her child the whole flight.

You exited the plane, grasping your carryon tightly as you scanned the people bustling about. Your eyes landed on your father and a grin spread across both of your faces. You walked to him quickly, arms wrapping tightly around his waist as you embraced each other.

“Hi, princess,” he whispered into your hair.

Tears sprang to your eyes and a shaky sigh left your lips as you responded, “Hi, daddy.”

The two of you walked to baggage claim and collected them, your father lightly teasing you for how many you’d brought. You simply rolled your eyes and followed him out to the car. The sweltering North Carolina heat had sweat collecting along your hairline in an instant. The humid air made you regret wearing joggers and a sweater on the plane ride. You would have rather froze on the plane than be overheating at that moment.

“How’s momma?” you asked once you were in the car, blasting the air conditioning in your face and rolling up your sleeves.

Your father hesitated, letting out a heavy sigh. He reached over the center console and took your hand, giving it a squeeze as he replied, “She’s tired, but you know her. She acts like she’s fine but I know this is taking its toll on her.”

You nodded and settled back in the seat, staring out the window as your father drove home. The island still looked the same as you remembered. It looked like they’d added a new hotel and expanded on Figure Eight, a few larger, newer houses standing out against the rest.

Your house came into view and you breathed a sigh of relief. You smiled as the car pulled into the driveway and you saw your mother’s figure sitting on the wrap around porch. You jumped out of the vehicle, making your way up the cobblestone path quickly. The older woman pushed herself to her feet and wrapped her arms around your neck once you were close enough. The floodgates in your eyes opened as your arms wrapped around your mother’s fragile body, quiet sobs muffled against her shoulder as you embraced.

“Hey, hey,” your mother shushed your cries, pulling back enough to hold both sides of your face and get a good look at you. She swiped the tears off your cheeks with her thumbs and gave you a warm smile, “No crying, you hear me?”

You nodded slightly, small sniffles escaping you as you blinked away the burning sensation in your eyes. Your mother pulled you to sit in the chair beside her as your father took your bags inside the house. She waited until you’d composed yourself a bit better before speaking, “Why don’t I go grab us some tea so we can talk?”

A brain tumor, a Glioblastoma multiforme, to be more specific. It had been growing and spreading for some time now within your mother’s head. She played down her symptoms to your father, not wanting to worry him, until she had a seizure at the Cameron’s the previous Sunday. They rushed her to the hospital via ambulance and spent hours doing scans and bloodwork. The prognosis wasn’t good, since the tumor had already grown so large. Even through chemotherapy and radiation they were giving her a year at most.

You stared at the mug in front of you, watching the steam rise into the air and dissipate in front of you. You had tried to argue surgery, insisting it would at least give her more time. Your father had joined the two of you and gently told you it wasn’t an option. She likely wouldn’t survive the surgery and if she did, she could be in a coma for the rest of her life.

“This can’t be happening,” you whispered, voice breaking as you put your head in your hands. “I should have come home more. I should have gone on those vacations. I should have been here with you.”

“Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N, you look at me,” your mother’s voice was stern as she reached across the table and grabbed your wrist gently. You lifted your head and met her gaze through blurry eyes.

“Now is not the time to blame ourselves. This is out of our hands, pumpkin. You can’t waste your time wishing to change the past. You need to be here, live here, in the present. We’re together and you’re here now, that’s what matters.”

Your father rested a strong hand on your shoulder from where he stood beside you, giving it a gentle squeeze. You slipped your hand into your mother’s, holding onto tightly as you choked out, “I love you so much. Both of you.”

You spent the afternoon unpacking your bags in your old bedroom. It was the same as you had left it, walls painted your favorite color and bed neatly made with the crisp white sheets. Some of your old posters still hung on the walls and your eyes drifted to the photo album you’d left last time you visited. The contents inside used to make you smile as you basked in the memories the pictures held, now they brought you heartache every time you looked at the smiling faces inside.

With a sigh, you forced yourself to take a long shower. You were drained emotionally and physically, having gotten no sleep the night before and the amount of crying you’d done took everything out of you. You skipped dinner and passed out early in the evening.

—

The next morning you woke up to the smell of bacon wafting through the house. You pulled yourself out of bed and trudged down the stairs with heavy steps. You’d gotten almost twelve hours of sleep but felt as though you could sleep twelve more, rubbing your eyes as you entered the bright kitchen. You greeted your parents with a soft ‘Good morning’, making a beeline for the coffee machine.

Your father plated bacon and eggs for you and your mother, setting them at the table in front of you. You hummed as warm coffee settled in your veins before digging into your breakfast. Back in California you didn’t cook for yourself much, opting to eat toast or pre-prepared meals. You missed the home cooked meals provided by your parents almost everyday.

“I spoke to Topper’s mother this morning,” your mother interrupted the comfortable silence, eyes trained on you. Your attention turned to her at the mention of your friend’s name. “You should swing by their place today. I’m sure he’d love to see you.”

You and Topper had grown closer since Rafe stopped speaking to you. When you’d visit, the two of you often ran around the island together. He’d take you to the Boneyard ‘For old time’s sake’ or out on his boat with Kelce. The two of them never brought up Rafe to you, unlike Janelle. You didn’t see her much visiting home either, as she chose to stay in South Carolina most of the time. If you weren’t with Sarah or your parents, you were often with Topper. He filled that void inside of you with some warmth, but it was never full. There was still an emptiness there.

“Are you sure?” you asked, feeling reluctant to leave your parents.

Your mother scoffed slightly and waved her hand with a smile, “You can’t spend every second with us. You need to see your friends.”

As much as your mother would love to spend every second with you, she knew how important your friendships were. They were the people who would be there for you when she no longer could. It brought her comfort knowing you had people close to you to confide in. It made her proud that you developed such close relationships. Though, there was a storm on the horizon, and she wasn’t the only one who felt it.

“If you insist,” you hummed and stood from the table, placing your plate in the sink then pressing a kiss to your parent’s heads. “But you better call me if you need anything!” you called as you ascended the stairs to get ready.

You threw on a green bikini, in case you found yourself at the beach. You put on a pair of cut off shorts and a loose crop top then slipped some sandals on your feet. You grabbed the keys to your father’s car and made your way through Figure Eight to the Thornton house. A soft smile graced your face as you pulled up and saw the woman of the house stepping out the front door.

You climbed out of the car and the older woman’s face lit up as she spotted you. The two of you met in the middle of the driveway and she wrapped her arms around you tightly, “Y/N, honey, it’s so good to see you. How’s your mother?”

“She’s in good spirits. She’s as good as she can be,” you replied, pulling back and giving Mrs. Thornton a smile.

“That’s good to hear,” she gave your upper arms a squeeze before pulling away and moving to her car, “I’ve gotta run. Topper’s out by the pool. Don’t be a stranger!”

You walked around the large modern looking house and went through the gate. You rounded the corner and saw Topper standing at the bar built into the patio, presumably putting together a drink. There was music playing softly from the outdoor speakers and you couldn’t help but smile. He must have heard the gentle pat of your sandals against the cement because he looked up and audibly gasped when he saw you.

“My God, Topper, could your outfit be any brighter?” you giggled as he set whatever was in his hands on the counter and raced over to you. His orange polo was almost neon in the sun and his swim trunks were a similar shade.

“Shut up, come here,” he laughed as he reached you and scooped you up under the waist. You stood on your toes, arms wrapped tightly around his neck as your eyes slipped closed, basking in the warm and inviting hug.

Topper pulled back and looked down at you, taking in the dark circles under your eyes and the noticeable flush to your skin. He smiled softly and took you by the hand, pulling you into the shade where he had been previously, “How are you?”

You sat down at one of the bar stools and sighed heavily, putting your elbow on the counter and resting your chin in your hand. You tapped your cheek with your index finger as you pretended to think deeply before spewing, “I just up and left California a week before classes were supposed to start, I found out my mom has cancer and I came back to an island that I had no intention of ever returning to.” You paused and painted a wide smile on your lips, “I’m great, Top!”

Topper laughed softly and shook his head, grabbing a glass to make you a drink as well. “Dumb question, got it. You hate it here that bad?” he asked, staring at you as he passed the glass across the bar to you.

You took a sip of the drink and grimaced slightly at the amount of spiced rum the boy had used, overpowering the orange juice mixed in. You sighed again and played with the straw, avoiding his eyes, “Don’t get me wrong, I miss my parents and Sarah and you guys.. There’s just a lot of things I’d rather forget. People I’d rather not see.”

“How long has it been?” Topper questioned, the look on his face telling you exactly what he was talking about. He didn’t want to outright say it. He didn’t know how deep those wounds still ran. It took him over a year to get over Sarah’s infidelity and they weren’t even together all that long. He couldn’t imagine losing a friend of almost twenty years.

“Five years,” you said through a dry laugh. “Can you believe that? Five fucking years.”

“I’m sorry,” he responded genuinely. It was a lame response and he knew it, but there was nothing else he could have said. Nothing could change how the last five years of your life had played out.

You shook your head and leaned back in the chair, running your fingers through your hair, “I don’t even want to think about it. When I think about it I get angry, and I’m so fucking tired of being angry.”

Topper dropped the subject after that. The two of you finished your drinks and he took you to the island club for lunch, knowing you loved the food even though you talked shit about how prestigious the organization was. After that he took you to the beach and you watched the sunset from your favorite lookout. It was near a cliff but you preferred to sit down below, atop the large and cracked rocks where the waves crashed. The ocean spray cooled off your warm skin and the blinding sunlight reflecting off the water was your favorite. You felt at peace there. The roaring sound of the ocean drowned out even your darkest thoughts.

Topper watched you, the way your mouth would twitch as you thought of something subconsciously. He watched you close your eyes when a particularly large wave would crash and water splashed at your feet. He felt a pit growing in his stomach because he knew you wouldn’t be like this for long — so at peace. You were unknowingly a ticking time bomb, ready to blow everything and everyone close to you to pieces.

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[witchy-lili]

Sander Sides Coffeeshop AU! Part 2

Well I didn’t expect part one to get that much attention..

Thank you all :)  Trigger warning : Hum, alcohol ? I guess ? tell me if I have to put something in there ! 

The first one was originally just a simple shitpost, but seeing this positivity encouraged me to write more ! So have that ! Oh and, use this song for a certain part of the chapter. Enjoy~

------------------------------------------------------

Damn was this a tiring day for the owner. Logan closed the cafe’s door after the last customer, not even turning the key, before dropping down on one of the angle sofas, sighing loudly. He lifted his rectangle glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was tired, but now wasn’t the time to sleep.

The cafe, as much as he loved it, wasn’t enough income to maintain a stable life. He wasn’t in debt, lord knows how much he hated seeking help from others. “I always counted on myself, why change now ?”. The day was not the only time he was behind a counter. After closing his eyes for a few seconds, he stood up and went to look in his bag and looked at the hour on his phone. Eleven twenty four pm. It started at one am. He had enough time to freshen up. And so he went out, his blazer on his shoulder walking under the moonlight after putting the key in his pocket.

Home sweet and dearly home. It wasn’t much, just a simple black and white apartment with hints of deep navy blue. Hanging his blazer on the hook present on the back of his door. A soft creature came, rubbing against his legs, calmly purring.

-Well hello Plato..

The cat answered with a soft meow as Logan gently patted his fluffy cream fur which composed the majority of his body. The face, tip of the tail and paws being darker, almost black, but the cherry on top was the two icey sapphires eyes, as cold as his master’s. Only the hue was different, Lo’ having more greyish eyes. Speaking of the devil, he walked up to the living room connected kitchen, taking out a can of cat food to pour it into one of his little fuff ball’s bowl then filling the second one with water.

-There you go, you cuddle head.

Question remained, why would someone who struggled with money have a pet ?

Logan was always in control, trying his best to think about the most logical and brainey solution to a problem or way to improve his life, but even he could not just walk away from a crying kitten under the rain. He remembered the day. He was still a college student, his life was a wreck, a twelve sided Rubik’s cube with the colors constantly changing every single time he moved them. It was the same period he decided to close himself off and focus on school work but even he couldn't stay unmoved by a crying dirty kitten under the rain.

He smiled thinking about it again, all the nights worrying about Plato, putting him in his sweater while he was studying just to keep him by his side, all the books he read to learn how to properly take care of a cat, all the scratches he got, but also all the kisses and head rubs. Logan absentmindedly looked at the clock. Almost midnight.

-Shit.

Who thought he could lose himself thinking about how much he loved his companion ? Now he had to be fast. He’d usually take the time to enjoy the warm water on his skin, usually hugging himself in the process, trying to emulate the feeling of a long lost embrace, but now it was pretty late. He needed to go. Where ? Well his side job. Logan quickly dried his dark chestnut hair before putting on an elegant uniform. A white shirt buttoned to the top under a navy vest and a pair of jeans. Simple but efficient. Just like he always did.

The dark haired man arrived in front of a bar’s backdoor. Just on time after a really painful sprint considering he wasn’t the athletic type. He entered and went to the changing rooms, just to put down his bag and finally go to work. That was the program, but apparently the strawberry blonde seemingly pissed man bursting in. Only a thought crossed Logan’s mind “Oh for fuck’s sake.”.

-Oh my god Lo’ you’re here i thought i’d never see the light of day !

-..Pretty normal considering it’s past one am. -Now calm down. i’ll make you a quick drink and look for your gloves, your makeup is perfect. Just go sit down.

He walked towards him clutching his arms, the barista cringed at the contact but kept a straight face before finally realising that his friend was in a long cherry red all sparkly dress and same colored heels.

-You got a representation tonight Roman ?

-Yes and it’s an ever-loving catastrophe ! I can’t close this fucking -but amazing- dress by myself, i don’t know where my gloves are and i start in five minutes ! Jesus, am i sweating ? Am i sweaty ? Is my makeup dripping ?

The usual scenario, Logan sighed before kindly pushing his friend away and turning him to, first of all, close the dress, having to stand on his tiptoes to reach the end. Roman was already a bit taller than him, but with those heels, phew, how could he even walk in these ?

Such a drama queen. Literally and mockingly. He tapped the performer on the back before straight up going to his dressing room, the gloves were just here, sitting on the edge of the mirror. Pretty sure Roman missed them because of his stress. He then went to the bar, discreetly pouring him a bottom of whisky and coming back with the two items. Blondie jumped on his heels to hug him again, making his poor friend spread his arms to avoid damaging the gloves or spilling the drink before giving them after the embrace.

-You are a lifesaver you nerdy coffee man !  

-Don’t mention it. I have to get working, good luck.

Finally. Putting on a black apron, he came behind the bar and started serving the clients. Tonight was going to be busy. Why ? Well, Roman was performing, his angelic sultry voice brought everyone in. The lights dimmed in the club, only the stage was illuminated. The singer walked in, projectors reflecting against his strass covered dress and gloves. Claps and whistles welcomed his grand entrance as he took the microphone, glazing over the room. Logan gave him a nod and a thumbs up to encourage him. The instrumental started to play.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LqbV36OhtQ&ab_channel=CalebHyles

Where have you been? Been searching all along Came facing twilight on and on Without a clueWithout a sign Without grasping yet The real question to be asked Where have I been?

The tone always sent chills down Logan’s spine. He often heard him sing, but he could never not be surprised by his talent. He forgot himself, slowly breathing, calmed by the jazzy tone of the song. Forgot himself so much that he didn’t notice the new customer sitting at the bar and calling him for the last few seconds. The barista shook his head and turned, starting his usual pitch… -Sorry for that. What can i… ...only to be met with the amber gaze of a familiar face. The man of this morning. What was his name again ? Janice ? Janelle ? Jamil ? Logan’s eyes became cold and stern again, along with his voice. -..serve you. -Looks like i was right. You’re not as boring as you seem to be. -Do you want to drink something ? I have other clients. The man in the melon hat turned his head left and right with a smirk. He was the only one sitting at the counter. -A Snakebite, if you know how to make it right. Logan raised a surprised eyebrow. It was literally two ingredients. He was clearly mocking him.  Without a word, he took the honey flavored whiskey and lime juice and put them in the shaker with some ice before energetically, well,shaking it and straining it in a shot glass, putting it in front of the snide individual then turning back to look at his friend. -Delightfull isn’t it ? I’ve rarely heard such a sultry and heavenly voice at the same time. -Well, it is Roman. They looked at each other for less than half a second before having their attention taken by the singer. Roman got compliments and flowers thrown at him at the end of his performance, and after some quick talk with fans, he sat down at the bar, sighing happily. -Damn that felt good ! Sooooo~, how are my two favorite boys doing ? Logan seemed surprised and pointed the curious man.

-You know him ?! -Yeah of course you dummy dumb ! I was the one who gave him your cafe’s address ! Ain’t he the loveliest ? -My my, thank you Romie, you’re going to make me blush. His eyes were still on Logan, still mocking him, he could have sworn even seeing this snake of a man quickly stick out his tongue to taunt him. Well. Looks like this was going to be a long night.

--------------------------------------------------------------- Surprise surprise ! You probably realized by now that I was really inspired by the talented Caleb Hyles with his “Beneath the mask” cover for this song. I just love the atmosphere. Hope you lovelies enjoyed this piece of writing ! 

[thegreatestofheck]

Outer Banks Playlist

Here is a cohesive list of songs I listen to usually when I write my fics/blurbs/etc! These are all the songs that aren’t a part of the official playlist that make me think of the show in general, the pogues, a certain character, or a certain fic. 

Enjoy!

Electric Love by BΦRNS - baby you’re like lightning in a bottle, i can’t let it go now that i’ve got it

I’m not sure what it is about this song, but it was the first one I put on this playlist. There’s just something about it that really screams “relationship with JJ Maybank” to me, but don’t ask me what.

If We Have Each Other by Alec Benjamin - i’ll be your brother and i’ll hold your hand, you should know i’ll be there for you

I get major pogue vibes from this song. It doesn’t matter that they’re not family by blood, they will always stick by each other no matter what. They’re there for each other through the thick and the thin. 

We Are Young by fun. and Janelle Monae - tonight, we are young, so let’s set the world on fire, we can burn brighter than the sun

Another very pogue style song. They are young and they are free and they’re living it up. The Pogues and this song are very “you’re here for a good time, not a long time”. 

Royals by Lorde - and we’ll never be royals, it don’t run in our blood, that kind of lux just ain’t for us, we crave a different kind of buzz

Probably guessing a theme here now, but this is the pogues through and through. I mean, the entire time they’re looking for the gold, most of their thinking is about “going full kook”, living that fantasy.

Let it Ride by AUTOMATIC LOVELETTER - take me away, let’s get out of this town, run baby run, we’re unstoppable now

This song has always hit home with me, especially when it comes to kids and a found family situation, which is the Pogues. Just listen to it and I think you’ll understand. It’s so amazing. 

Already Gone by Sleeping at Last - you couldn’t have loved me better, i want you to move on, cause i’m already gone

If I tell you why exactly I put this one on here, it would be a spoiler for one of my longer fics, so I’ll just leave it to your imagination. Sleeping at Last > Kelly Clarkson, at least with this song. 

Hello by Walk of the Earth - there’s such a difference between us and a million miles

This version is a lot more bitter than Adele’s version, so I think it really fits here with all the kids who were disappointed by their parents. JJ with Luke, John B with his mom and Dad, Sarah and Rafe with their mom, Ward, and Rose. Also just with like 90% of the adults in the entire series just constantly failing these kids, I feel like this version kinda flowed with that. Also kinda makes me think about Elma from “Ocean and Alcohol” and her relationship with her mom. 

On Top of the World by Imagine Dragons - paying my dues to the dirt, i’ve been waiting to smile, been holding it in for a while. 

Another Pogue song. They deserve so much better than what they got and this is for all those little victories; finding the gold, surviving the boat crash, getting the keys to the Phantom, etc. 

IDGAF by Dua Lipa - go find a girl who wants to listen, cause if you think i was born yesterday you have got me wrong

This one is mostly for Sarah and Kie, who are constantly being put down by others. Not so much the Pogues, but in that Midsummer’s episode where Kie’s mom tells her not to worry about the socioeconomics of the world when her complaints were legit. Or how Rafe, Ward, and Topper were constantly berating Sarah for her feelings. This is for them.  

Kiss Me Deadly by Lita Ford - late to my job and the traffic was bad, had to borrow ten bucks from my old man, it ain’t no big thing

You can’t convince me that the Pogues don’t blast this song in the van while their cruising down the streets. I love this song. 

Renegade by Styx - oh mama i’m in fear for my life from the long arm of the law, hang man is coming down from the gallows and i don’t have very long

The entire last two episodes, this was the only song I could think of. John B just exudes the energy of this song. 

Warriors by Imagine Dragons - as a child you would wait and watch from far away, but you always knew that you’d be the one to work while they all played

This one is for everyone on the cut; the Pogues, Heyward, Big John, Ms. Lana. They were the ones who kept Kildare running. The fishermen, the mechanic, the laypeople. They built that island from their blood, their sweat, and their tears. 

Run Boy Run by Woodkid - run boy run, they’re trying to catch you, run boy run, running is a victory

Here’s another one for John B is those last two episodes. Was I stressed out a singing songs to myself when i watched them the first time. Maybe so. 

Glitter and Gold by Barns Courtney - i am flesh and i am bone, i’ll rise, ting ting, like glitter and gold, i’ve got fire in my soul

Again, I’m not 100% sure why, but this gives me the vibes of outer banks. Maybe I just really like this song and associate it with everything. Maybe it’s because it has gold in the title. Who knows. 

Why Did it Have to Be Me? by ABBA - you were looking for someone to hold, that’s only natural, by why did it have to be me?

If you thought you were making it out of here without a single ABBA song you were dead wrong. ABBA is one of my favorite bands and they just fit with everything. There aren’t specific characters for this song, but I think it still works for the show. 

Lay All Your Love on Me by ABBA - i still don’t know what you’re done to me, a grown up woman should never fall in love so easily 

Sarah and John B, Kie and Pope, Kie and JJ, the viewers and Rafe, i don’t care, take your pick. This song works for everyone all the time because, again, it’s ABBA. Love them. Love this song. 

I’m Still Standing by Elton John - looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid, i’m still standing after all this time

This one just gives me so many feelings when I think about it with literally any of the kids. They’re put through so much crap, all of them, and yet there they are, standing and standing together. I mean, come on. Especially with John B’s speech to Ward in the finally episode. It’s just *chef’s kiss* Also Elton John is a legend. 

Stand By You by Rachel Platten - hands, put your empty hands in mine, scars, show me all the scars you hide and hey, if your wings are broken, please take mine so yours can open too

Again, this one applies to so many places, but specifically the hot tub scene in episode 7. Even thought the Pogues have some issues sometimes, they are almost always 100% there for each other and that’s what this song is about. 

Run the World (Girls) by Beyonce - smart enough to make these millions, strong enough to bare the children, then get back to business. 

I honestly cannot think of a woman in Outer Banks who was not iconic. Kie: a social justice queen who cared so deeply for her friends, the environment, and others. Sarah: a girl who understood her privilege and tried to use it to help others. Peterkin: a boss bitch who figured everything out before anyone else. Wheezie: an iconic little sister who was in a toxic household but was still the most chaotic queen ever. Kie’s Mom: misguided sometimes, but she just wanted what was best for her baby girl. Pope’s Mom: IRONED HER SON’S CLOTHES EVEN THOUGH SHE DIDN’T KNOW IF HE WAS COMING HOME, also wanted what was best for Pope (and also JJ). Ms. Lana: lost her husband, had her home broken into and still confessed about Scooter and Ward when it was most important. Rose: was she evil, heck yeah. Was she the smartest character on the show? Probably. That girl knew just when to use the right words and who to manipulate when. Congrats queen, you’re crazy but you have the most brain cells. Mrs. Craine: Killed her husband and got away with it! I’d like to see Ward try that. Anyway, point is, this show is full of boss women and I love them all. 

Uprising by Muse - they will not force us, they will stop degrading us, they will not control us, we will be victorious 

So, maybe season one didn’t end in the best way for the Pogues. Still, they were thisclose to beating the system that screwed them all constantly. And I have faith that things will go even better for them later. I just...this song makes me feel like toppling a government or a psychopath rich man so I added it. 

There are more, but these are the ones that hit me the most! If you want to see more, just let me know. And, as always 

stay safe

stay healthy

stay groovy

[queenofallimagines]

How would mirio, deku, bakugou, Todoroki, tamaki, dabi, and shigaraki react to having a s/o with really big boobs a tiny waist and a big butt

The limit is 5 characters but since this was fun I’ll put the other two on a separate post

Song rec: dirty computer- janelle monae

Bakugou:

- okay well he’s sprung

- How do you have a body like THAT at your age???

- Gunna be caught staring at you

- More like horny glaring

- As a couple he’s all over you

- Can’t keep his hands to himself

- Hugs

- Arm around your waist

- In private he will lay on the booty

- Booty rubs

- He just gotta touch you

- Stress relief

- Will watch you move when you fight

- “I’ll just sit here consumed with lust then.”

- Like sir calm down

- Teenage hormones are the devil

- Will always want to kiss you BC he can

Todoroki:

- “Are you boobs or butt.”

- “ I appreciate all parts of my lovers”

- He will stare shamelessly

- Will death glare at anyone who looks at you

- Mineta isn’t aloud near you

- If he looks at you he’s frozen

- No words

- Just hands

- Will squeeze the booty anywhere

- Anytime anyplace

- Making out while endeavor is home and trying not to get caught

- This fool would fuck in his dads bed to spite him lmaoooo

- Anyway yeah he’s obsessed

- Will make sure you eating good

- Like that waist is snatched

- Buys you clothes you would slay

- Will match outfits before you step out

- Also talks about how amazing and hot you are when his dad can hear

- Won’t let you meet his dad tho LMAOO

- Not a chance

- Lays on your chest to calm down

- Soft

Mirio:

- he’s pretty thicc himself so he will def show appreciation

- Will want to touch you too

- Like he just grab a titty out of nowhere

- It’s a running theme at this point

- Has you sit on his lap and holds you

- He will get flustered when your in your hero costume

- Fits in all the right places

- Gets jealous easily

- Nobody saying shit to or about you

- Period sis

- Cuddling gets heated fast

- Can’t help but wanna touch you all over

- Rip to this poor bastard

- Wrong tight or reveling clothes and you got em

- Will do whatever you want if he can touch you

- Closet pervert #2

Tamaki:

- he’s literally gunna die

- Like he can’t look at you

- He can’t

- He will stare and then get caught

- Pda will set him off

- He’ll turn red and faint

- In private he gains a lil more confidence

- Hold you and lightly touches you

- You gotta out his hands there if you want them to be somewhere

- Grind on his lap while he’s laying down

- He’ll nut

- Dom tamaki will hit it from the back to watch that ass move

- Likes watching him disappear into your body

- Why tamaki will want you to ride him backwards or forward it DONT matter he just wants to see all of you

Izuku:

- closet pervert #1 loves it

- Will grope you all the time

- I’m class when nobody is watching

- When you leave the locker room

- During training

- Like hands on your chest all day

- Stress balls

- Will tease you in class

- Sit

- On

- His

- Face

- He will hold you there till you finish at least three times

- Death glare at Mineta

- No one can even look at you

- He’s jealous

[whatiwillsay]

DA2

DA2: love’s literature

hold my hand

driving ticket

indie record (the books beside our bed)

jail

kurt vonnegut

tattoos

lesbian chemicals (ft. Jack Antonoff)

unicorn

—

The title of this album is based off the fact Dianna is a snobby literature gay. It is a lyric of “kurt vonnegut,” and the motif of literature being an important element of love is repeated in “indie record (the books beside our bed)” and “tattoos.” The title is thematically appropriate as well, as its songs chronicle grand love stories fit for romantic literature.

“hold my hand” is an Achele song. The title is based on the fact that they always held hands suring “Someone to Love” during the Glee Tour. The song starts out with the dramatic ascending “Can” that is the opening note of “Someone to Love,” but the sound comes crashing down into a cacophony (think sort of like the beginning of “closure,” but with more chaos and more Freddie Mercury vibes). It turns into a Avril Lavigne-style petty break up song about Lea.

“driving ticket” is an Achele song. It uses driving tickets as an extended metaphor for relationship issues. One of the lryics is “And you always made fun of me because gays can’t drive / Guess I was too happy for you.” (After the release of the album, Dianna tweets that the “gays” in this lyric refers to happy people, not fruitcakes.) There’s also the lyric saying that in another life, Dianna would have crashed her car just to stop her pronoun-less love interest’s wedding; this is a reference to how Quinn got in a car crash and it stopped Rachel’s wedding in Glee. I chose the title for this song based on that Glee car crash and based on the fact that Dianna gets so many driver’s tickets in real life, haha.

“indie record (the books beside our bed)” is a Taylor song. It’s a bubblegum pop song with a somewhat ironic tone (think WANGBT meets “Stay Stay Stay”), but the bridge is intensely dramatic (sort of like the bridge of “Driver’s License” by Olivia Rodrigo). At one point in the bridge, she sings “You sung me a party / You wrote me a warm sweater.” This line confirms that 1989 (party) and “cardigan” (warm sweater) are about Dianna. The song is reminiscing on their relationship in a way that could be read as petty but is actually more so mournful (as Dianna believes that the greatness of that relationship was only possible because of their youthful infatuation, so is such a great relationship ever possible again? so like she’s sort of mourning the loss of her youth—to both time and closeting—as well). The title is a reference to WANGBT (even though I think it’s about Liz), and the part of the title that is in parenthesis is a reference to “Paper Rings” (even though I think it’s about Joe).

“jail” is an anti-Karlie song. I have this headcanon that Taylor wrote most of YAIL about Dianna but ended up gifting the song to Karlie with that Instagram post (like how she gifted “Dress”—a Karlie song—to Joe with that bridge). Because of this, we can think of YAIL as a song that Karlie stole. Dianna sings about Karlie with that Other Woman trope, except throughout the song, who the other woman is (whether she’s Karlie or Dianna herself) becomes less and less clear. In the chorus, Dianna refers to the other woman as “the crook,” which calls back to “it’s time to go.” She follows up that moniker with the statement that the crook must go to jail—but Dianna pronounces the J in “jail” very weirdly, so it almost sounds like she’s singing the word “YAIL.” In the bridge of the song, Dianna belts “143 / Remember those days,” which is what she tweeted after the Kaylor road trip Vogue cover. The bridge feels a bit like “Getaway Car” in that it has a lot of driving references, like Karlie is stealing Taylor by whisking her away in a car.

“kurt vonnegut” is a jazzy/indie song, in the style of “Do You Want a Man” by The Vaccines. In the song, Dianna quotes a lot of classic literature in order to paint a picture of a grand, dramatic, failed love (Swiftgron). The chorus includes the phrase “love’s literature” in an almost “New Year’s Day”-like reference to how their love is as grand as literature’s great love stories, but also somehow better, so don’t read the last page (aka, don’t let the story come to an end). That one line cautioning about the story coming to an end gives the song a little bit of a foreboding mood if you listen carefully, and that’s how we know that it’s a break up song and not a love song for Filippo. Notably, Dianna sings the lyric “so it goes,” which is based on a Kurt Vonnegut novel. What’s interesting about this is that out of all the authors whose work Dianna referenced in the song, she chose Kurt Vonnegut’s name as the title for this song. Tumblr sapphics take this to mean that “so it goes” has a special significance—specifically, that Taylor’s song “So It Goes…” is about Dianna.

“tattoos” is a Taylor song. It wants to be a petty break up song, but there’s too much emotion behind it to stay petty; as a result, it’s raw and full of hurt. Dianna wants this to just be about the tattoos, wants to just cuss Taylor out for putting her tattoo as a lyric in “Wonderland,” but she can’t help but pour so much more into this song—because her resentment for what happened to Swiftgron is so much stronger than just resenting that she had to contact a tattoo removal service. This fact becomes clear in a lyric in which Dianna refers to Taylor’s love as a tattoo, permanently seared onto her skin like a scar or a scarlet letter. (This The Scarlet Letter reference is another reason why I chose love’s literature as the title of this album.)

“lesbian chemicals (ft. Jack Antonoff)” is the most unhinged song on the album. The story behind this title is that Jack is a bit weird and has this almost obsession with lesbians. In one interview, he referred to himself as a straight man with lesbian chemicals because he loves like a lesbian loves. Anyways, the song starts off with the sounds of a piano being runed (because of that one time when we thought Dianna posted an Instagram story of Jack tuning her piano, lol). The song is a bit slower but still has that definite Jack Antonoff feel to it. Dianna sings about how she loves the pronoun-less subject like a lesbian would: she treasures them, admires how soft and perfect and lovable they are, etc. It’s almost like “Dress” in that it’s so undeniably gay in its lyrical content. Jack has backup vocals. After the album’s release, Dianna tweets that this song was Jack’s idea. It’s a clear no-homo-ing. She states that she feels similarly to how Jack felt when he gave that quote—that she’s a straight woman who just so happens to have lesbian chemicals and love like a lesbian would.

“unicorn” is an ode to the Blondterage. The title is a reference to Molly’s birthday post for Dianna (which is actually the cover of the album) in which she references riding Dianna, calls Dianna a unicorn (which has obvious sexual implications), etc. The song is a targeted attack on all Dolly shippers because it’s like “22” in that Dianna tries to pass it off as a I Love My Gal Pals song, but in reality, it’s secretly a song about longing. Sonically, “unicorn” is reminiscent of “Make Me Feel” by Janelle Monáe.

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truly incredible!!!

[dailyaudiobible]

02/12/2021 DAB Transcript

Exodus 34:1-35:9, Matthew 27:15-31, Psalms 33:12-22, Proverbs 9:1-6

Today is the 12th day of February welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is wonderful to be here with you today as we continue the journey…well…we’re…we’re journeying toward the center of the second month of the year. We’ll be there in a few days. And, so, we are moving right along but we have…we have moved through some significant territory in the Bibl. And as we begin our reading today from the book of Exodus, we still find ourselves around the mountain of God, otherwise known as Mount Sinai. Just some really, really important things have happened and transpired. We read of this golden calf that the people decided to worship as their redeemer as their savior as the one who brought them out of Egypt. And we saw Moses come down from the mountain away from God's presence to discover all this, all that transpired there. Moses is back on top of the mountain again. Now he's been pleading for the people. God basically told Moses, “yeah, I can't deal with these people. I'm sending you to the land. You lead them in, but I'm not going.” And Moses is like, “if you don't go, if you don't go then I don't even want to be a part of this story. If you don't go, we have no hope.” And there’s this moment of real deep realization that there is no hope…hope outside of God, that we whether we acknowledge it or not we are utterly dependent upon Him. And, so, let's continue the story. Exodus chapter 34 verse 1 through 35 verse 9. And we’re reading from the Christian Standard Bible this week.

Commentary:

Alright. Let’s look at some words from the Psalms that we read today or the Psalm that we read today in light of what we’re seeing kind of both in the Old and the New Testament stories. The story in the Old Testament, of course, is God beginning to give the law, but the people's rebelliousness their stiff-necked, their neck…necked-ness…their…their stubbornness and their rebellion and their adultery spiritually by worshiping false gods and just all of this stuff that we…we’ve been able to witness.

In the New Testament we just completed the trial of Jesus, like, He’s sentenced to death, which is how…that's what we'll experience tomorrow. So, let’s just consider for second in these stories the posture of heart of humanity toward God.

So, in the Old Testament we have God invading Egypt to set His people free and all of the drama about that and they’re in the wilderness seeing and hearing from God and God is laying out a tapestry for a culture and yet they are stubborn, they are rebellious, they grumble, they complain, they are not grateful, and they are easily distracted into putting their hope and their allegiance and their heart into the worship of something false. And God is exasperated about it. Who wouldn't be? But He is patient, He is continuing forward with the journey despite their rebelliousness.

We go into the book of Matthew and then we look at the posture of humanity toward God and we see that these same people, like the descendants of this stiff-necked people, they want to do away with God while trying to defend God. But now they have this law, they’re trying to obey this, and it's turned into a power struggle of control over the people. They have to obey the rules. And then God comes in the flesh and they don't even recognize Him. In fact, they are so put out, they are so put off by Him and His ways that they don't…like it…that's how backwards it's gotten. I mean you would…we would say that God would display God's ways, right? He's God. So, that's what we’re seeing in Jesus. If they can't recognize the ways of God and they call him blasphemous and they call him of the devil, then they have so perverted the actual ways of God that it can’t even be seen anymore. And what do we see? God in the person of Jesus patiently taking out there giving. He is going to allow Himself to be killed by His people. That’s a pretty stark thing to think about. But could we maybe at this point in the year acknowledge what we’re seeing here and stop blaming God for things He doesn't do us and stop telling Him He doesn't understand what we’re going through? He does. And He patiently and carefully continues to love humanity until this very day, including us and our complaining and our lack of gratitude and our grumbling and our turning to something else for hope and our giving our allegiance and fealty to something that is false and our acting like a two-year-old and throwing ourselves on the ground and kicking and screaming when we don't get our way. God is patient and kind because He loves us. If we would ever actually get that through our heads it would change our very lives, it would change the way we behave toward everybody.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit come. Let us see this. Let us see Your kindness, let us see Your patience, Your compassion as we continue to navigate all of the different times and stories and people's lives that we find in the Scriptures because we find ourselves in…in…in these stories. We find ourselves in the lives of these people. And, so, open our hearts. Give us eyes to see and ears to hear what You are speaking to us and where You are leading. We acknowledge that You have been patient, beyond what we could ever deserve. You have been kind in the face of our unkindness. You have loved us even while we were Your enemies. Help that to sink in we ask in the name of Jesus. Amen.

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And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello DAB family this is your friend your brother in Christ in Michigan. I want to say thank you to, so many. Your prayers have touched myself and my family in ways you can ever imagine, and we are praying for you all. I'd also like a prayer over my wife. She struggled with many many ailments now but fibromyalgia now followed by lupus and she has some problems with her liver. Through it all she's been upbeat and God fearing and showing me what it is to be a true believer. So, I ask that you raise her in your prayers as I raise all of you all in my prayers. I want to thank the DAB family. What a blessing to hear this every day. I am new. I've only been here since December 21st of last year but to say…I can't even describe the impact on my life, and I want to thank you. With love from Michigan. Bye now.

My name is Latasha and I'm calling from California. I need prayer in the way of my housing situation. I was placed on a housing program for homeless and disheveled men and children. It could be for anybody for that matter, but it's been going up and down. Sometimes I feel like I'm out of the loop. And I found out that my rent wasn't being paid. And now that I'm able to get a lower income of housing I'm being told by management here at the property that I need to hurry up and sign my lease when there are damages, i.e., a big old hole in the ceiling of the bathroom and the thermostat not working. It seems like these companies work together and they try to make the person like myself feel as though I'm crazy almost by saying that you have to hold off but then the other parties saying you have to hurry up and expedite. And I just don't know what to do. I'm at a complete and utter loss and I just need prayer. I need prayer so bad because I'm afraid of being homeless again. I'm afraid of my children finally being stable and it could be taken away from us. And I'm afraid bad because of my situation and circumstance maybe they believe that I'm not apt enough to understand clearly. I just need guidance and direction because I'm so tired. I'm so tired of being tired. And it hurts so bad to feel as though on this earth I am alone and by myself and mostly I'm just…

Hello Daily Audio Bible this is Janelle living in China and I wanted to call and say I am caught up. Yay. At one point last year I was over two months behind and now it is February 7th 11:37 AM in __ China and I am caught up. I just listened to today. That was all I had to listen to today. Yay. I also wanted to do a little bit of gratitude because I have not been doing much of that. So, Lord I thank you that I am living in China and I am able with the low cost of living that China has I am so grateful for my job even though it is stressful and I am trying to learn how to teach without any formal education. It's still an amazing journey and I'm so grateful for it. I am also, as strange as this may seem, grateful for Covid still happening in the US because my church, Church of the Highlands in Alabama, is now doing online small group classes and I can be in a small group. It's at 5:00 AM on Sunday but I can be in a small group. I will wake up for that. I just…I miss that so much and I am so grateful that I’m now able to get back into being in small groups with my church even though I'm living in China. It's amazing and I can't believe it. I’m…I'm in shock. I'm just odd that says even possible a possibility...

This is Whitney in South Florida and I'm here with my kids Finley, Levin, and Lenna and we just wanted to call. And mommy had heard a message from Jody from Arizona and she wanted prayers for her granddaughter Leslie. And we just wanted to let Jody know that we heard her prayer request and we are praying for Leslie and we are praying for that whole family and your daughters one year old as well. Just that their home would be safe and Leslie would feel…that Leslie would just feel Jesus comforting loving arms all around her and know that Jesus is King. And it happens that Ezekiel in his reading had the perfect words that maybe another kid to another kid could hear and he had a great prayer on February 7th, and it was just about the devil and that he has no place in our homes. And, so, we just pray that over Leslie just as Ezekiel did. And the kids wanted to tell Ezekiel one of their favorite parts about his reading and what is that you guys? Bye. Bye guys!

Hi neighbors it's Lisa the Encourager. I'm calling tonight because I really had God press upon my heart to share with you a bit of encouragement regarding the reading that Brian did a couple of…probably a week or so ago and it was about when the disciple asked Jesus, what is the greatest commandment. And, of course, Jesus replied back to love the Lord your guard with all your heart and your soul and all your mind. And then the second one was to love your neighbor as yourself. And I really embraced that I think it was a couple of years ago and that's when I started calling in and I'd refer to all of you as my neighbors, to remind me to love you as I love myself. And this year God pressed on my heart to share with you the first commandment and that is to love the Lord our God with all our heart our soul and our mind. And I really started thinking hard about that, like how…what would that look like in action. You know, of course we can say it with our words and our lips but in action. And the only thing that really only came to my mind and the Holy Spirit bless me with was your prayers. Your prayers to God shows the tremendous amount of love. Just think about when somebody calls into the Daily Audio Bible and they call out your name and you hear it and how much it just…it just warms your heart. Well, that's probably the feeling that God, when you call upon His name and you seek Him, and you pray daily. So, I just encourage you to show love God and put that to action, that first commandment, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind.

[mysunfreckle]

Full of love and pudding fruit

Danbrey, Dani’s POV of the “travelling Sylvain epilogue” in episode 36, 2.6k

Sylvain is healing. In every sense of the word, Dani realises – once again – with a smile. Her heart is almost full enough to burst as she watches Aubrey run, leap, and then stumble down a gently rolling hill. Every single time her feet pound onto the earth a burst of green grass and flowers on the point of blooming shoot up from the ground all around her. The barren field they just passed through is now a lush meadow and Janelle and Alexandra still have clumps of dirt in their hair from the last tree that suddenly hoisted itself into existence.

“Dani!” Aubrey yells, scrambling to her feet at the foot of another slope. “Dani watch this!” She throws her arms back, slightly impeded by her backpack and sprints up the hill, singing at the top of her lungs:

“The hills are alive! With the sound of music!”

In a wave of raw, joyful magic that Dani can feel reverberating in her bones green grass ripples up and down the hill and a host of yellow flowers turn their newly bloomed faces to the sun.

Aubrey lets out a whoop of triumph and lets herself topple over, almost disappearing into a particularly high patch of grass.

Dani climbs the slope towards her, laughing as she goes. They’re putting the planet back together again. They are breathing life back into the ravaged wastelands of her home and Aubrey is…Aubrey is brilliant.

By the time she manages to reach her, herbs have started to sprout in between the grass around Aubrey and the flowers are displaying a variety of colours.

“Hi there,” Dani grins, leaning over her so her shadow falls on Aubrey’s face.

“Did we lose Janelle and Xandra again?” she asks, smiling crookedly.

“No,” Dani smiles back. “I think they just prefer to stay out of the blast radius.”

Aubrey blows out a noisy breath, almost a raspberry, and sits up. “What about Dr. Harris Bonkers?”

There’s a tell-tale sound somewhere off in the wavy grass that to Dani sounds only like a garbled “pfft pfft pftt”, but to Aubrey somehow warrants an indignant huff and a: “Well maybe I’m resting!”

Dr. Harris Bonkers emerges from behind a clump of flowers, getting up on his hind legs and sharing another one of his unintelligible thoughts.

“I did not,” Aubrey protests, scrambling back to her feet and Dani smilingly helps to steady her just because she wants to.

“What did he say?” she asks and Dr. Harris Bonkers smirks at her.

“Nothing,” Aubrey says hastily, with a warning glance downwards. “I’ve just let him watch too much Disney.”

He replies with something that sounds rude even to Dani’s ears.

Aubrey wrinkles her nose. “Or not enough Disney.”

They wander back down the slope again in a little group of three, vaguely in the direction of where Janelle and Alexandra seem to be investigating the ruin of some sort of house.

Aubrey is still waving her hands left and right, flinging flowers everywhere she points and Dani lets her mind wander for a moment. She turns around, walking backwards to be able to meet Aubrey’s gaze as they go. Out here is not the only place that needs healing.

“So, uh, I had a thought today. We’re probably gonna have to name the City of Sylvain something else probably, right?”

The city is bustling again. An astonishing amount of the people who had been overcome by the Quell’s thrall have recovered. But that’s why they’re out here, healing the ravaged countryside. Because right now everyone has to take refuge in the capital. It’s the only place that has survived. The only place they know of anyway.

So the city is not only vibrant and alive again, with the glow of Sylvain once again warming its foundations. It’s alive with people, folks that are glad to be looking up at the sky again and that are ready to take back their home. To start over fresh. But it’s going to be a new Sylvain and it should be a new city.

Aubrey blinks at her. “Uh… why? I mean, I guess?”

Dani shrugs her shoulders. “I mean like, when it was the only habitable place on the planet, it kinda made sense to—”

“Oh, I see.”

“—name it after the planet,” Dani nods as Aubrey catches on. “Now it’s just gonna be confusing.”

“Yeah,” Aubrey frowns. like, we couldn’t— we wouldn’t wanna live in a city that was just called like Earth, on Earth.”

“Yeah.” Dani turns around, looking into the direction where she knows the city must be. She has always had a good sense of direction.

“Yeah, I guess,” Aubrey ponders beside her. “It’s not super creative. I get it.”

Dani looks at her. Sometimes when Aubrey looks out across Sylvain the orange of her eyes seems almost as bright as genuine fire. She tries not to bring it up, because Aubrey can get just a big confused by it herself, but it’s still an odd thing. This Aubrey-Sylvain timeshare. “So I don’t know how to have—” she begins. “Like do we form a committee, or do you get to do it?”

Aubrey looks at her in dismay. “Whew. I don’t know that you should give me that power, Dani.” Her expression turns very serious. “Ohhhh. I probably would just name it something dirty like Butt City or something, cause I thought it was funny.”

Dani laughs, because laughing is easy and Aubrey rubs the back of her neck, grinning crookedly.

“Let’s see. Um, you know. What do you think about the City of Chicane?”

Chicane… She does feel pang at the name, but Dani grins all the same. “Yeah, that’s not bad.

For a moment Aubrey smiles one of her shy, earnest half-smiles. “Feel pretty good about that one.

Dani swallows. Yes. Sylvain made whole and the City of Chicane. That’s a future worth making real.

“Hey,” she says, taking in a steading breath and trying for a smile. “I’m kinda hungry.” She brushes Aubrey’s hand with her own. “Can you do the thing?

Aubrey’s face lights up like the sun itself. “Yep!”

She flicks her hands upwards and Dani knows bow her head and close her eyes because a beat later two trees pop out of the ground, growing fast enough for it to be audible like a rushing creak of wood. Dani can feel some stray dirt and grass sliding off her hair and when she opens her eyes there is a laden apple tree standing to Aubrey’s right and an orange tree to her left. For trees that have just been called into existence they seem fairly unbothered to be standing opposite such an unlikely neighbour.

“Hold on—” Dani looks past the orange tree. There’s a third tree standing there, slightly smaller, its branches heavy with dark brown fruits that Dani is sure she has never seen before.

Aubrey makes a sound of pure delight and Dani picks one of the fruits, making sure not to trip over Dr. Harris Bonkers as he scurries out in front of her feet. The fruits smell delicious and…kind of familiar. She bites into it expectantly and gives a surprised squeak. Pudding.

“Did you just—” She swallows. “Dang, did you just make a new fruit?”

Aubrey’s face is a picture of glee and justified hubris. “It’s called Pudding Fruit!”

Dani can’t laugh and eat at the same time and she chooses eating. They’ve been eating very well while they’ve been on the road, actually. Aubrey has been keeping them all very healthy. But she has missed desserts. She swallows another mouthful of pudding. She has missed desserts and she loves Aubrey.

Dr. Harris Bonkers, after a careful sniff, avoids the pudding tree and jumps a clean six feet up into the air to grab one of the oranges. As he peels it with his little furry claws, he looks up coaxingly at Aubrey. “Pfft pfft pftt pft pft pft?"

Aubrey pulls a face. “No, I can’t make a carrot tree! That’s weird! Carrots grow in the ground—” A spark lights up in her eyes. “I could make a carrot tree. Dani, should I make a carrot tree?”

Dani would answer, but she’s currently struggling to swallow down both the pudding and the love and so she simply can’t right now.

Dr. Harris Bonkers thumps his feet.

“Okay, fine.” Aubrey bends over and touches the ground, retracting her hand just in time for the tiny, three-foot-tall carrot tree that sprouts out of the earth.

Her rabbit makes an eager jump and attacks the new piece of vegetation head on, not bothering to use his still fairly new dextrous paws, but relying on tried and tested rabbit skills.

“Yes,” Aubrey says approvingly. “Go to town, big guy. All yours.”

The affection in her voice as she says it warms Dani up inside. She swallows and slowly takes another bite of her pudding fruit. Fruit that Aubrey made. Aubrey Little. Aubrey Little whom she loves.

Dani stuffs the rest of the fruit into her mouth.

“Aubrey,” Janelle announces her presence, having left Alexandra by the house a little way away. “You know Thacker is going to want to catalogue all this stuff, right? There's- there’s no need to make things harder on him.”

“Well, yes,” Aubrey says and the slight smirk she still has on her lips is doing something to Dani’s stomach she thought she had grown past. “But also… pudding tree! Janelle. Pudding tree.

Janelle looks fond even as she shakes her head. “Okay.”

“Yes, right? I wouldn’t do it like all the time, right? I’m not gonna like make you know like I don’t know… a smartphone tree or something. It’s fine. Listen.” Aubrey waves her hands around. “I don’t know how much longer I’m gonna be able to do this kinda thing, right? So let’s have a little fun with it, right? I think eventually Sylvain’s gonna be like, ‘Hey, cool it with the pudding trees.’ And that’s fine. I get it.”

If Janelle wasn’t here… If it was just her and Aubrey and impossible pudding, maybe she would have told her. Maybe, because as badly as she wants to tell her, just the thought of that heart-exploding word leaving her mouth is making Dani a little dizzy. Which is probably stupid. They saved the world. They changed Earth for Sylvain. She kissed a god.

But still.

Janelle seems to be having her own problems right now, because she’s currently spitting out the bite she took from a rather lumpy looking pudding fruit while Aubrey shuffles her feet apologetically. Dani wipes her hand on her jeans, lingering just a little longer before joining them again, just to make sure her heartbeat doesn’t start going crazy again.

“I know there’s no way we’re gonna put this world back together the exact way it was,” she hears Janelle sigh. “And I think that’s something we all have to just accept. But you are figuratively and literally planting a seed that is going to grow for eons in ways that we will never be able to predict and who’s to say that some important event doesn’t start right here with a new pudding fruit?”

“By the way,” Aubrey grins. “I’m calling this Wonka Forest. That’s funny, right? Isn’t that great?”

And there goes her heart again.

“It’s funny. The whimsy is wonderful, I love the whimsy,” Janelle replies, sounding somewhat unbalanced. “You know me, I’m down to clown, Aubrey. I’m just saying… for all of my considerable wisdom, I don’t know how we know when we’re making the right decisions.”

Dani can still taste the pudding and she can still feel her heartbeat, but she can also feel the weight of Janelle’s words. Because she’s right. Everyone has made a lot of mistakes leading up to this moment. And they’ve only just about started getting it right. That’s what it feels like sometimes anyway. Except. Dani doesn’t know exactly what it is, but this, here, now, this feels right. And if she can’t depend on that, then—

Aubrey cuts off her thoughts with the distinctive, nearly babbling sentences of her genuine sincerity.

“I— right now, I have maybe the most burden of choice any person has ever had, right? I have the power of creation. I can make any kind of tree. And if start thinking about what the right one to do is, I’m not gonna do anything. Because I don’t know what the right one is.”

Dani stands and watches her, and listens. Everything stills under Aubrey’s words. Everything except her feelings.

“So I just have to do the next thing,” Aubrey continues. “And the next thing and the next thing. And I think— my hope is, is that I act, if I act from a place of love and a place of fun and a place of, you know, making someone smile, that the next thing I do will be the right thing.”

Her feet have carried her to Aubrey’s side without her fully realising it and Dani, doing her level best to pour every last thing she feels into single movement, presses a kiss to her cheek. Her breath comes out uneven, but her voice doesn’t and she means every word.

“You’re so fucking cool.”

The single light of soft surprise in Aubrey’s eyes immediately flares up to another spark of triumph. “Right? I know, right?”

Aubrey is beaming and Janelle is smiling and Dani is just about ready to start laughing at nothing in particular when Alexandra walks over and raises her hand.

“Uh, hey, everyone? I need some help over here…”

---

One cheese bush and some much needed comforting conversations with mice folk later, all of them are sitting on a newly sprouted patch of moss, near the edge of what must once have been a grand forest.

Alexanda is letting the two mice take turns swinging in her shawl and Janelle is writing something down, probably for Thacker.

Aubrey is looking up at the trees though. They are all dead. Either charred or fossilised where they stood, some of them split or nothing more than stumps. Aubrey’s eyes are large and nearly solemn.

Dani silently scoots forward a bit, nudging against her knee and putting her hand over Aubrey’s.

She squeezes her hand in response, glancing between her and the trees. “Do you think the Amazon has trees that big?” She gets to her feet and Dani follows suit. “They’re probably bigger, right? Yeah, it’s the Amazon.”

She bites her lip and Dani can tell she’s thinking about Duck. They all miss them. But Thacker is working on opening the connection between Earth and Sylvain again. He thinks with Minerva on the other side, he can make it work.

“We’re going to see them again, Aubrey,” she says as they walk up to the first tree. It towers high above them, dark and sombre against the once again blue sky.

Aubrey nods and it’s not doubtful, it’s confident. “We will. And hey, Dani? We’re gonna see Amnesty lodge again, too.”

Dani smiles. “I do miss the old place.”

Aubrey gives her a sideways glance. “I miss the hot springs.”

“Yeah,” Dani laughs. “Me too.” She wraps her arms around Aubrey’s waist, leaning back far enough to be nearly leaning against the ancient tree. “But you know what? I’m no longer homesick.”

She lets Aubrey get a single fire-eyed grin in before kissing her and when she pulls away again Aubrey hands have found the folds of Dani’s knitted sweater and she’s leaning back against the tree with a sunshine look spread all over her face.

Such sunshine.

Dani swallows. “Hey Aubrey, you know something else?”

One corner of Aubrey’s mouth quirks up expectantly. “What?”

Dani tells her. And who knew? You can bring an entire forest back to life with just three little words.

[romansrgn]

taglist: @queenofthearchitect @calicina @never-sawft-princess @5dsinyourdirection @fancybarbii @aria725  @lustyromantic   @kai1996en @angelbaby908

ch 5.

Roman could tell by her refusal to look at him that she was already regretting their little tryst. Even with his emotions being all over the place as well as his confusion as to what to do next with the news of his impending fatherhood, he still couldn’t bring himself to regret a damn thing despite the wedding ring he put back on his finger.

“Don’t tell me you’re giving me the silent treatment?”

Braelin stilled at the sound of his voice before slowly pulling her long hair over her shoulder ”We just spent the last hour talking. What more do we have to talk about?”

Roman narrowed his eyes “How about the fact that you’re carrying my children and we need--”

“There is know we, Roman. We’ve already established that.”

“No, we established that before I knew the truth. Things have changed and we’re now playing a different ball game. From this moment on you and I are a family.”

Braelin’s mouth fell open seemingly catching flies “Are you outside of your damn mind? You’re married and I’m--”

 “When has that stopped us before?” Roman sighed “Look, I’m not proud of how this happened but it happened. You’re carrying my children and that means something."

"Yes, this means we'll be connected forever and maybe that's enough."

And before Roman got to disagree her phone started ringing "Don't answer that."

Braelin ignored him and answered it anyway not bothering to check to see who it was and honestly she didn't care she just wanted to end this entire conversation "Hello"

"Hey, little mama. Where are you?"

The sound of Dante's voice was enough to almost make her topple over with guilt "D-Dante, hey. I'm over Ayanna's house. She had a rough night so I'm just checking in on her."

Roman glared at her before taking a step closer in which of course she took several steps back.

"Ok, that make sense. You were supposed to meet me an hour ago—“

Braelin closed her eyes "I know baby and I'm sorry I promise I'll make it up to you."

Roman attempted to snatch the phone out of her hand but Braelin moved out of reach "Are you kidding me right now?" He whispered heatedly.

"Dante, actually how about you meet me at my place tonight at eight and I can cook dinner."

Dante grinned liking that idea a lot more than them meeting up at his place for disney plus and chill. "Sounds like a date. I'll see you later tonight, baby."

Braelin smiled softly before hanging up by the time she turned back around to Roman he looked more disheveled than he did post coital "Did you have fun throwing your new boy toy back in my face, again?"

"Look, we're starting to sound like a broken record with our conversations and even worse we're falling into this habit of falling back to each other's bed while you're married and I'm— with  someone else."

"Does Dante know he hasn't made it to boyfriend territory yet?

Braelin wasn't sure where she and Dante were headed or if they needed to be heading anywhere especially while she was pregnant with another man's child. But she sure as hell wasn't going to discuss it with Roman.

"Dante knows I'm carrying your child and he's stood by me regardless of that fact. I'm not sure Janelle will feel the same and honestly if Dante decided right now that this entire thing was too much I wouldn't blame him. This is our mess and we dragged down enough people in it. So until we figure out a way to make this less painful for the people we love and care about then I think we need to keep our distance."

"Not a chance. But you're right about one thing, things have changed so when Janelle gets back I'm going to do something I should've done after you and I first had sex and I'm going to be honest with her about everything. And then after that you and I are going to have a long discussion about what's next." He said with finality. 

Roman clearly had plans for them as a family and he was in no mood to argue with her on any alternatives.

Braelin sighed pulling her sweater over her head and slipping her feet back into her shoes "I have to go." she mumbled and before she made it past the door she was spun around and her lips were captured in bruising kiss.

Roman and Braelin went at it for a few seconds before he let go, "We're a family. Don't push me away."

 "I have to go." she said before leaving to meet Dante.

Braelin ran into the house. She had forty minutes to shower and get dinner started before Dante arrived. 

She really thought things would be easier once she told Roman that she was pregnant but it only seemed to make things more complicated. 

Braelin heard the doorbell and smiled. She turned off the shower and put on her robe "I'm coming." She said before unlocking the door.

"It looks like I caught you at the right time." He grinned, obviously liking what he saw.

Braelin laughed shaking her head and pulling him inside "Get in here. Let me go change and we can get dinner started."

"Why? I like what you're wearing now."

Braelin shot a pillow at his head "Behave."

"No, promises." he walked over to her and burying his face into her neck "Damn, you smell good."

Braelin closed her eyes enjoying the close proximity "We really need to get dinner started. I know you're hungry."

"I'm starving " he whispered.

Braelin looked into his lust filled eyes and saw as clear as day what he was hungry for. Unfortunately, she was violently reminded what she and Roman had done an hour ago "I meant food. I promised you dinner and I plan on delivering."

Danted sighed loudly, "Fine, but one day soon. I want to eat my fill."

"Down, boy. You'll have plenty of time to eat. But right now I  want you to taste something else."

Dante's eyes darkened "You're such a tease."

Braelin winked "I'll be right back." 

When Braelin came back into the living room she was wearing an oversized T-shirt,  fuzzy socks and her favorite worn shorts. She decided it was probably best to keep things as PG as possible "So I was thinking we should make shrimp alfredo."

"Sounds good to me. It'll be like a little throwback from our vacation in Bora Bora."

"I wish were there now. Everything seemed so simple and peaceful."

Dante grabbed the ingredients out of the fridge "Just say the word little mama and we can go back."

Braelin looked up at him "Just like that. You'll drop everything just to do that for me?"

Dante looked over his shoulder hearing the scepticism in her voice, "Don't be surprised. I mean if I'm being honest there's not too much I'll say no to when it comes to you." 

Hearing that gave her pause. "What are we doing, Dante? seriously. I mean we're together all the time now, we go on vacations and at the moment if it wasn't for my babies you would be all I think about."

Dante moved around the counter grabbing her face with his large hands "We're friends. We're workout partners but" he rubbed his thumb across her cupid bow shaped lips "We're a lot more than that aren't we?"

Braelin couldn't do this, she had to be honest "I had sex with Roman."

Dante blinked that's not what he was expecting to hear "I know. You told me."

"No, I mean I lied about where I was. After my doctor's appointment I went to tell Roman the truth because I thought he deserved to know and then we sort of—"

Dante's hands dropped from her face "Is this going to be some pattern between you two?"

"No, Dante it was a mistake."

"The first time was a mistake, Braelin. After the second time it's now a habit."

Braelin held her head down in shame. She could tell he was disappointed in her which made it harder to look at him. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

 "We're not together. At least not officially but I want us to be but I need to know that I'm not some rebound until you're realize you're not over Roman."

Braelin shook her head placing her small hands on his face "I know what that's like and I would never— Hey, look at me" she didn't continue until he was looking at her "I want us. I want this. I want you. No one else."

Dante searched her eyes for hesitation and found none "Good, because I want you too and I have for a long ass time."

Braelin laughed "You have me." she leaned up and kissed him sweetly.

Dante pulled her into his arms and for the remainder of the night that's where she stayed.

Roman placed his suitcase in front of  the front door. He checked around the room to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything and that's when his eyes landed on the sonogram. His daily reminder of his impending fatherhood. He hadn't spoken too or seen Braelin since the night she told him the truth. He constantly fought the urge to go to check in on them but he had a feeling that she really didn't want to see him.

Roman heard the sound of keys from behind him. He noticed she wasn't paying attention and almost collided into Roman. "Someone's lost in thought."

Janelle steadied herself "I'm sorry, baby. But I just got off the phone with the doctor and the tests all came back normal. I'm completely healthy so I don't understand why we can't conceive."

"It's just going to take a lot longer then what either of us planned and that's alright."

"When was the last time you checked your sperm count?"

Roman blinked "Umm..never. I'm pretty sure my sperm is working just fine."

Janelle shook her head "How do you know that? Have you gotten tested lately?"

“I don’t  have too. My sperm works just fine so I know it’s not me” Roman sighed deciding to take a different approach “Maybe it's a sign that we should probably wait.”

Janelle didn’t understand where this sudden hesitation was coming from. “What’s going on with you?”

Roman furrowed his brows “Nothing.”

“Tell that to someone who doesn’t know you. Every since I came back from DC you’ve been different. When I ask you to see a doctor for the sake of our family you shut me down when it was your idea to start a family.”

“It was our idea.”

Janelle nodded “Yes, but now it feels like I’m alone in this wanting. What changed?”

He knew he had to be honest with her. At this point there was no need to prolong the inevitable “A couple of months ago I cheated on you.”

Silence

More silence 

Janelle swallowed  “You what?”

“It was one time until—“

“Until what?” she bit out fighting the urge not to go the fuck off.

“It happened again while you were in DC.”

And that did it. Every ounce of self  control Janelle had was thrown out the window after finding out her husband cheated on her not once but twice. She was in DC being poked and prodded by some fucking doctor because she wanted to have his child. But what was he here doing? Fucking some bitch.

Roman expected the slap that came but he wasn’t expecting the attempt to kick him the balls. He grabbed her leg but was met with another slap. “You son of a bit—“

When she attempted to slap him again Roman grabbed her hand “Relax.” he yelled.

Janelle eyes narrowed “I find out my husband cheated on me twice and you want me to relax, fuck you.”

Roman pushed her gently away from him “That’s not what I meant.”

“I don’t give a fuck what you meant. You should’ve relaxed before having the balls to cheat on me not once but twice and since you’re feeling so profound and what to confess after several months tell me who the bitch is you cheated one me with.” she said getting in Roman’s face.

Roman’s jaw ticked. He decided to take  several steps back because this girl was really trying him. He would never hit a woman but if she put her hands on him again they were going to have some damn problems. 

Which brought him to something else. He knew Janelle would would react this way after finding out he cheated on her twice. Anyone who felt as betrayed as her would and understandably so. But he didn’t even want to think about what she would do if she found out Braelin was the woman he cheated with and that she was carrying his children.

So he did the only thing that felt natural at this stage of the game. He lied.

“It doesn’t matter. She doesn’t matt—“

Janelle laughed bitterly “Was it with the same girl or was it two different women.” His silence was enough for her to figure it out “This woman led my husbands dick astray twice so it definitely fucking matters. Who is she?”

Roman’s alarm went off reminding him he was  already late heading to the airport. He cursed “I’ll call you when I land so we can talk about this.”

Janelle moves to stand in front of the door “I don’t think so. We’re going to finish this.”

Roman clenched his jaw “Move, Janelle.”

“No, I’m not letting you leave here until you tell me who she is?” Then  it dawned on her “it’s someone you work with isn’t it? Is it..It’s Braelin isn’t it?”

Roman shook his head “No.”

“It’s her isn’t it.” she said pushing at his chest fresh tears streaming down her face “tell me you son of a bitch.”

Roman grabbed her small hands and yanking her toward his cheat “It’s not her” he yelled “it’s someone I met at a bar. She’s no one, Janelle. Now, I have to go.”

Janelle looked up at him with the saddest eyes. “How could you do this to me?”

Roman pulled her into his arms “I’m sorry, baby. But I have to go. We’ll talk about this once I get back.” He kissed her on the forehead and was out the front door.

Roman always prided himself on being an honorable hardworking man. He wasn’t perfect but he knew enough to know that he was never going to put his wife through the pain of wondering if he was fucking around on her because at the end of the day she was his home. He was her man and no other woman can fill the place his heart and bed because that place was only reserved for her. But as hardworking as he was he working overtime to convince himself that the woman that held the key to his mind, body and soul was the one wearing the ring and not the one in the arms of another man while carrying his children.

“How did my life get so fucked up?” Roman mumbled to himself before heading off to  start the post Wrestlemania tour.

“Have you guys— you know?” Liv Morgan asked with a raised eyebrow.

Braelin laughed “Damn, you’re so nosey.”

“Wrong, this is me being a good friend. You know making sure your needs are being fulfilled.”

“Well, my needs as you so kindly put is being put on hold. We’re taking things slow and we’re both excited to see where this goes.”

Liv beamed at her friend “I can tell. You’re practically glowing.”

“Liv, he's so different from what I’m used to with Roman. I mean with Roman we were friends first and then it kind of blossomed into something else. We got so swept up into each other that nothing and no one else mattered. In a weird way he was my obsession. But with Dante. It feels like a fresh start. When I look at him I don’t see my heart getting broken or I don’t feel like the second choice. It’s just feels new.”

Liv practically melted into a puddle “I’m so happy for you, Brae”

“Thank you.”

Roman walked up to the two women “Hey, Liv.”

“You’re ears must be burning.” Liv laughed before leaving the two former lovers alone.

“What’s wrong?” Braelin asked barely resisting the urge to rub the forehead wrinkles that seemed to materialize over night. 

“Are you ok?” He asked, placing a hand  on her protruding stomach that was being hidden under a free people babydoll shirt.

“I guarantee you I feel better than you look.”

Roman snorted his eyes still on her belly “I haven’t gotten much sleep. Janelle is back in town.”

“Ok, That’s way too much information.”

Roman rolled his eyes “Not that but I did tell her the truth.”

Braelin froze “You did what?”

Roman grabbed her small hand in his and led her into an empty dressing room. He closed the door  “I told her I cheated on her twice but now with whom.”

“That’s all you told her?” Braelin asked suddenly feeling nauseous.

“She reacted as badly as I expected. There was no way she would be able to handle that it was with you and now you’re pregnant.”

Braelin ran a hand through her long locks. The guilt was almost crippling “I need to sit down.”

Roman was at her side in an instant “Here, sit down.” When she was safely seated he handed her his water bottle that he was carrying “Drink this.”

Braelin listened as he  gave her blow to blow details  of his confession and Janelle’s reaction. As well as their phone conversation that lasted all night. She felt the urge to cry and run but she knew she didn’t deserve to do either. She fucked around with another woman’s husband and now she had to pay the price. 

“I need to talk to her. There’s no way I’m letting you take the fall for this alone. We both did this.”

Roman shook his head “No, you are in no condition to get into it with Janelle and we both know that’s what’s going to happen. We’ll let this play out until—“

“Until what? Until I give birth?”

“We have no choice. I will not put you or my children at risk. After you give birth I’ll come clean about everything.”

Braelin fought against the tears “This is too much.”

Roman kneeled down holding her pretty face in his hands “I know but we’re going to be alright because from this moment on nothing and no one matters more than you and my children. Like I told you before we are a family.”

AN: I’m so it took so long to update. I recently got a promotion so work has been crazy busy. But we’re starting 2020 soon and my New Year's resolution is to be better with updates lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the update! 

[reyesstrand]

Tag Game!!

@ao3theskyisblue thank you for the tag, this gave me a much-needed break from online schoolwork!! 💗

1. What was the last movie you watched in theatres? Birds of Prey!! Before that I caught Parasite when it was re-released in theatres before the Oscars! 

2. What’s your favourite game to play? I’m very boring and don’t play much besides classic board games, so I have to say Scrabble aksjdsdfks

3. Chocolate or vanilla? Oooh tough one, but probably chocolate. 

4. What’s the last show you binge-watched? I feel like I’ve always got a show on the go, but the last one I fully binged was Tiger King with my family, and The Other Two right before that. 

5. Do you have any pets? I do! A gentle giant, three-year-old rescue dog! She’s a Great-Pyrenees/Retriever mix, and is appropriately named Elsa. 

6. What’s your favourite fairy tale? Hmmm, I remember reading The Little Red Riding Hood a lot as a kid, so let’s go with that! 

7. Who’s your favourite superhero? This is a difficult one, but I’d probably have to say Thor, honourable mentions to She-Hulk, Falcon and the whole Young Avengers team from my teenage comic-reading phase. 

8. Who’s your favourite Disney princess? I adored Jasmine as a kid, so either her, Mulan or maybe Rapunzel. 

9. Where’s the first place you’re going to go after the social distancing is over? Hopefully to see a movie (whenever most of them are re-scheduled to be released lol) or back to my job when they re-open.

10. Cookies or cake? Ooh, I’ve gotta go with cake, I think. Especially on special occasions. 

+10 questions 

1. Which show could you watch over and over? Let’s see...definitely Schitt’s Creek, especially when it ends in a couple weeks (cut to me crying) and I can re-watch the whole series; 9-1-1 Lone Star (because of course), The Get Down, Fleabag, Veep, Black Sails, and Bob’s Burgers. 

2. Favourite song lyric? It’s impossible for me to just pick one, so here’s some favourites from a few songs: 

“I buried a hatchet, it’s coming up lavender, / The future’s unwritten, the past is a corridor, / I’m at the exit, looking back through the hall, / You are anonymous, I am a concrete wall” — Phoebe Bridgers, “Smoke Signals” 

“Hold my hand and float back to the summer time, / Tangled in the willows, now our tongues are tied, / How can I believe you, how can I be nice? Tripping round tree stumps in your summer smile” — Glass Animals, “Gooey”

“So if I feel real good tonight, / I'm gonna put it high on the loudspeaker, / If I feel like crying, I won't hide it / I am a loudspeaker” — MUNA, “Loudspeaker” 

“Be as you've always been (Lover, be good to me), / Be like the love that discovered the sin (Lover, be good to me), / That freed the first man and will do so again, / And, lover, be good to me (Lover, be good to me), / Be that hopeful feeling when Eden was lost (Lover, be good to me)” — Hozier, “Be”

3. Favourite season of your favourite TV show? This one’s difficult too! Ah! I really love seasons 3 and 4 of Schitt’s Creek, and I of course love the only (for now) season of Lone Star, so I’ll go with those choices as I can’t think of anything else right now!! 

4. What never fails to make you smile/happy? Watching the sunset while reading a good book. My dog. Cooking. And I have to agree with @ao3theskyisblue — getting any AO3 notification makes my day brighter every time, without fail, and I want to thank anyone who’s ever even interacted with my fics because it brings me so much joy!! 

5. How are you doing with all that’s going on in the world (virus, having to do social distancing, etc)? I’m very much so introverted, so staying in is something that I normally find myself doing. I feel very grateful of my privilege in being able to stay home with my family and knowing everyone in my personal circle is healthy, though I do feel spikes in my anxiety whenever more news comes out. I’m stressed right now with how many school assignments I have, on top of participating in online lectures/seminars, but there’s only a couple weeks left of that so I’m pushing through!!

6. We all love new music to listen to, name an artist that is underrated/you think people should check out? boygenius!! FKA twigs!!! Christine and the Queens!! Perfume Genius!!

7. TV show or movie? Yet another tough one!! I have to say both, here, I love them for different reasons! 

8. Favourite holiday? I generally enjoy Halloween for the movies and weather, and I’d have to also say Christmas even though I’m not religious, I just love getting to have time to see my whole family and relax from school! 

9. A song that describes you? This is very difficult and something I haven’t thought of before...going through my music library now, though, I’ve always felt a pull toward Landslide by Fleetwood Mac for the sentimental value since I was younger so I suppose I’d go with that. But I’m definitely going to keep thinking of another answer!! 

10. Describe your tumblr in three words? Side-blog, writing, and (hopefully) welcoming! 

+5 questions

1. What is your favourite hobby? Writing, reading, cooking, discovering new movies/tv shows. 

2. What is your favourite book? Or/and a really good book you’ve read recently? Okay, so, I’m an English major and read lots of old books for my classes and I recently haven’t had much time for reading for pleasure (sadly), but I’d recommend The Goldfinch by Donna Tart, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong, and The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller! 

3. What is your favourite ship that will never happen (or hasn’t happened yet)? Oh boy, I guess FinnPoe from the recent Star Wars movies? 

4. If you could spend the day with any living celebrity, who would it be? I feel like I have so many possible answers! Dan Levy would be amazing, so would Natacha Karam, Florence Pugh, Taika Waititi, Tessa Thompson, Janelle Monae...I could go on lol!! 

5. The best worst movie you’ve ever seen. A movie that you know objectively is trash but you can’t help but really enjoy it. The first thing I thought of were the live-action Scooby Doo movies from the early-2000s that my sister and I recently re-watched on a whim and I think that has to be my answer askjsdfks

Questions by @ao3theskyisblue

1. What is one thing you’ve recently watched/read that left you absolutely heartbroken? Oh, definitely the documentary I watched on migrant workers in Canada for a class the other day.

2. An activity (e.g., hobby, sport...etc) you wish you were better at? I would love to be able to draw/paint better!!

3. If you could stop time for 24 hours, what would you do? It’s very boring to say, but catch up on sleep!!

Questions by @reyesstrand

1. What is your all-time favourite movie?

2. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

3. If you could alter any questionable plot point from a tv show or movie, what would it be?

Feel free to try this out, if you’d like, or haven’t already! @tkstreyes @cateyesinlove @summerfiing @tylerkennedysstrand @aziraphalescrowley @hcnkycat @anadearmsa @lonestarbabe @evaneddie @hawkeeyes @oscarissaac @brillliantbanshee @derek-shepherds & anyone else who wants to!

[hegodamask]

Questions Tag Game!

i was tagged by @aconissa to answer these questions. thanks!!

1. do you believe in any conspiracy theories, and if so which ones?

i find some interesting but i try not to get too invested in them any more. i used to be a big lady gaga fan (still am lol), but at one point i fell down that “popstars are in the illuminati and are putting sinister messages into their music videos to brainwash us” rabbit hole. it’s stupid but it really upset teenage me at the time haha.  i’m more interested in the people who fanatically believe and create conspiracy theories now. i think that’s why i like utopia so much.

2. favourite work of art?

captive andromache by frederic leighton. it’s in manchester art gallery and when i was in uni i used to go there for a walk around by myself. idk much about greek mythology but this was always my favourite thing to see. i just love the composition of the solitary figure in black surrounded by all this colour. the colours are probably my favourite thing about it, actually. pictures don’t do them justice. you need to see it in person.

3. have you ever had recurring dreams, and if so what were they about?

lockdown + messed up sleep schedule got us all having weird dreams lately. i don’t remember them all exactly but i keep having ones where i’m running away from situations, only to return almost straight away. 

like the other night i dreamt i had to escape my house, but i came back because i had no shoes on and i had no idea where i was going. then last night i dreamt i was in the cinema watching a movie but for some reason i just wanted to get out. but when i wanted to come back in, the usher wouldn’t let me and was super horrible to me. i have this overwhelming feeling of missing out whenever i run away from something.

.....but we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

4. which unfinished/cancelled show or book series would you bring back if you could?

i really want to say utopia. it’s my favourite show of all time and the second season ended on such a frustrating cliff hanger (curse you, channel 4!!!). but bringing it back right now? considering what’s going on right now? idk....i know the show has never shied away from controversy, but a lot has changed since 2014. god knows what amazon is gonna do with the american remake. it was supposed to come out this year.

5. what wild animal would you want as your cartoon sidekick?

a fox! i don’t want it to talk like a cartoon animal though. i want it to screech at me in that way foxes do and for me to understand it completely.

6.favourite word?

serendipity. for some reason that’s on my mind at the moment. is it even a proper word idk.

7.pick the three songs you’d listen to for the rest of your life if you could never listen to anything else

BaBopBye Ya by Janelle Monae

Dance in the Dark by Lady Gaga

Any Florence + the Machine song. can’t decide which one, but i feel florence should be there somewhere.

8. which historical figure would you most want to meet and why?

harry goodsir because i love him but also to find out wtf happened to the franklin expedition!!

9. is there a cause that’s particularly close to your heart right now?

anything that ensures the most vulnerable and the people who care for them are safe right now. i wish there was more i could do. 

10. pick a tv show that you wish was never made

oof. there’s so many. probably the x factor or any other manufactured singing/talent simon cowell shows ever. i’m glad they’re starting to lose their popularity now.

11. post the last thing you screenshot

I got a new phone recently and the way you take screenshots is different to my old one, so I keep accidentally taking them when I go to turn the volume up.

why was I listening to mambo no. 5 at almost full blast you ask? well, look, it’s been a tough week, okay?

[thedollarcrate]

50 Best Albums (That I Own on Vinyl) of the Decade

It’s hard to comprehend how much transpires over the course of a decade or wrap your head around how long (or short) of time that really is.

But what better way to try than to make a list!

Now, I know “Best of” lists like this one are inherently subjective – and probably say more about their maker’s preferences than actually reflecting the best music released in a particular time period. And, I’ll be the first to admit that the list below is incredibly limited, and that I need to widen my exposure to more artists and genres.

But hey, this is all in fun.

So feel free to debate, pick apart or share your own favorite albums from the past decade. But before you dive in, just a few quick points for context:

-I only ranked albums I actually own on vinyl released between 2010 and 2019, which limited my choices to about 170 records.

-I only ranked new music released this past decade, so no reissues or older material released for the first time (sorry Prince’s Piano & A Microphone and Originals).

-I first started buying vinyl around ’09-’10 and started off purchasing mostly new releases before my habits shifted and I started looking for older records. This shows in the list below – nearly a quarter of the albums below were released in 2010 and almost 70% from the first half of the decade.

And we’re off…

50. Centipede Hz, Animal Collective (2012)

Let’s be honest, it was impossible for Animal Collective to top a universally acclaimed and era-defining album – and it was unfair to expect them to. But maybe the continuous onslaught of bizarre and eclectic music found on Centipede Hz was just what we needed after all.

49. Singles, Future Islands (2014)

So much more than Sam Herring’s pelvis busting dance moves and “Seasons (Waiting On You),” every track on Singlesbursts with life and heart pumping  energy. To quote Letterman: I’ll take all of that you got.

48. Paul’s Tomb: A Triumph, Frog Eyes (2010)

I don’t think I’ll ever understand Carey Mercer’s lyrics, but I’m certain I’ll never tire of getting lost in his hidden words and knotty melodies.

47. Leaving Atlanta, Gentleman Jesse (2012)

Thirty seven minutes of Pure Power Pop Perfection (note the capital “Ps”).

46. Burst Apart, The Antlers (2011)

If there’s another album with a song titled “Putting the Dog to Sleep” that is as haunting and beautiful as this one, I don’t want to know about it.

45. Carrion Crawler/The Dream, Thee Oh Sees (2011)

With John Dwyer churning out record after record in the ‘10s, it should come as no surprise that at least one landed on this list (and they’re all great). Garage rock. Surf rock. Post-punk rock. Psych rock. Noise rock. Rock rock. I don’t care what you call it, Thee Oh Sees put the pedal to the metal on Carrion Crawler/The Dream, taking you for a wild ride that never lets up.

44. 1989, Taylor Swift (2014)

Irresistibly catchy, everyone needs to satisfy their pop sweet tooth every now and then. 1989 is so sugary, it might just give you a cavity or two.

43. City Music, Kevin Morby (2017)

The city. The countryside. A beach. Aboard a train. At the pearly gates. It doesn’t matter where you listen to City Music because Kevin Morby’s jams will immediately transport you to your own laid back, happy place.

42. Remind Me Tomorrow, Sharon Van Etten (2019)

You’ll regret it if you keep waiting to listen this powerhouse – and powerful – synth-soaked record.

41. You Want It Darker, Leonard Cohen (2016)

It doesn’t get much darker, bleaker or sparse than this, but I wouldn’t want it any other way from the masterful Leonard Cohen.

40. American Dream, LCD Soundsystem (2017)

Retirement never sounded so good.

39. Capacity, Big Thief (2017)

Quietly captivating, mesmerizing and elegant, Big Thief knock you out without you even realizing it.

38. St. Vincent, St. Vincent (2014)

Annie Clark’s shapeshifting album won’t only shred your face off, it somehow makes you feel smarter, too.

37. Before Today, Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti (2010)

So, so weird and so, so good.

36. Expo 86, Wolf Parade (2010)

Like #50, Wolf Parade might always live in the shadow and expectations of a towering classic, yet somehow Spencer Krug and Dan Boeckner still continually craft eccentric and bombastic rock albums. Expo 86 is no exception, and it is an underrated classic in its own right.

35. Golden Hour, Kacey Musgraves (2018)

Like a sunset or sunrise, Golden Hour radiates beauty and warmth with each of its glowing tracks.

34. Yuck, Yuck (2011)

Despite their name and its hideous album cover, there’s nothing gross about Yuck’s infectious indie rock.

33. Play It Strange, The Fresh & Onlys (2010)

I once saw The Fresh & Onlys play at a tiny club in D.C. It might’ve been the loudest show I’ve ever been to – my ears rang for days. This record is just as rollicking, hazy and good as that show was loud.

32. Natalie Prass, Natalie Prass (2015)

There’s a reason “Welcome to 1979” is stamped in tiny letters on this vinyl’s inner ring – it’s silky smooth, filled with impeccable soft ballads and finely tuned jams – and just a tinge of funk.

31. I Am Easy To Find, The National (2019)

Few bands matched the consistent output of quality albums in the ‘10s as The National. They had one heck of a run, and I Am Easy To Find was a fascinating way to end it – a 21st rock album that felt more complex and expansive than anything they’d done before.

30. Melodrama, Lorde (2018)

Everything a pop record should be and then some – bold, breathtaking and exuberant.

29. Just Enough Hip To Be Woman, Broncho (2014)

If you can’t tell from its playful title, this pop rock album wants nothing more than to have fun – and it succeeds on every level.

28. Avi Buffalo, Avi Buffalo (2010)

Sometimes all you want is a light, sunny and meandering album to wash over you and get lost in, and this one will do the trick every time.

27. Hippies, Harlem (2010)

Imagine a band practicing inside a garage inside a garage inside another garage and you’ve got Harlem. This is garage rock to the max – and at its rambunctious best.

26. Puberty 2, Mitski (2016)

It’s hard to describe Puberty 2. Sure, it might sound like simple dreamy indie rock, but it ebbs and flows in unexpected ways that leaves you guessing where it’s heading next.

25. mbv, My Bloody Valentine (2013)

Picking up right where they left off – even if it was more than a decade later – My Bloody Valentine reminded everyone why they are the masters of reverb soaked shoegaze.

24. A Moon Shaped Pool, Radiohead (2016)

Even after all these years and albums, Radiohead still found a way to reinvent themselves and push the boundaries of rock music – and our expectations of them. With gorgeous arrangements and slow-burning, tension filled tracks, AMSP proves that even Radiohead can still take risks – and proves rock bands can make quiet, intimate songs sound epic. Oh yeah, and it has “True Love Waits.”

23. Art Angels, Grimes (2015)

Grimes gave us the future of pop music before most could even envision it. This laid the groundwork for all the challenging and intricate – and danceable – pop music that would follow. And it still sounds ahead of its time.

22. Meet Me At The Muster Station, PS I Love You (2010)

The first sounds out of Paul Saulnier’s mouth on Meet Me At The Munster Station aren’t words at all but two short, ecstatic yelps. And this same boundless energy and passion bleeds through on every fuzzy, raucous second of every track. Did I mention there’s a song called “Butterflies & Boners”?

21. More Than Any Other Day, Ought (2014)

You really ought to listen to Ought if you aren’t already. Tim Darcy and co. sound a bit uneasy, paranoid and self-aware, but they make the most minute challenges sound so exhilarating and life-altering – even the struggle deciding between two percent and whole milk at the grocery store.

20. Lemonade, Beyoncé (2017)

All hail Queen Bey.

19. Twin-Hand Movement, Lower Dens (2010)

This album sounds like 2 am on a dark, rainy Saturday night – in the best way imaginable.

18. Tomboy, Panda Bear (2011)

You can always count on Panda Bear to make hypnotic, loopy electronic music sound so breezy and effortless.

17. Modern Vampires Of The City, Vampire Weekend (2013)

I don’t know why, but I want to dislike Vampire Weekend so much. But that’s impossible when their music is so damn good and every note sounds so neat and perfect.

16. Past Life Martyred Saints, EMA (2011)

Just do yourself and listen to this album please.

15. The Archandroid, Janelle Monáe (2010)

Blending too many genres to count, this is what I imagine music sounds like in space.

14. Carrie & Lowell, Sufjan Stevens (2015)

I’ll let you know how I feel about this one after I stop crying.

13. The Suburbs, Arcade Fire (2010)

It’s everything you either love or hate about Arcade Fire. Grand, sincere and sweeping rock that swings for the fences with every guitar chord, drumbeat and horn blast. I love it.

12. Silence Yourself, Savages (2013)

Savages grab you by the throat and never let go – this is one intense album.

11. Helplessness Blues, Fleet Foxes (2011)

This might be the epitome of ‘10s indie rock – and for good reason. Introspective, sensitive and searching for some greater meaning, Robin Pecknold holds nothing back and lays it all out on Helplessness Blues.

10. Kaputt, Destroyer (2011)

Dan Bejar is an enigma and seemingly reluctant rock star. I saw him perform an acoustic set where he spent a majority of the time playing with his back towards the audience (although in fairness, it was at a free outdoor show on a college campus with people mostly chatting obnoxiously over him), and yet it’s as if his creativity requires him to constantly release new albums and show them off. Kaputt is as equally strange and mysterious – and just as creative – as its maker.

9. Black Star, David Bowie (2016)

Take away the heartbreaking circumstances surrounding this album’s release and it would still be in the top tier of David Bowie’s extensive catalogue. Experimenting until the very end, Bowie morphed into something entirely new one last time. Part jazz, part rock and part I’m not sure what you would call it, the results were once again out of this world. He couldn’t give it all away, but we’re sure thankful for what he could.

8. Bon Iver, Bon Iver (2011)

Shedding the cabin in the woods vibe, Justin Vernon took a giant leap forward with Bon Iver and made ‘80s soft rock popular.

7. Celebration Rock, Japandroids (2012)

Perhaps the most aptly named album on this list, no other album exudes the joy of making music and rocking out with your buddy than this one. It’s hard to believe all that noise and energy comes from just two people.

6. Burn Your Fire For No Witness, Angel Olsen (2014)

Angel Olsen’s hypnotic and seductive vocals, lyrics and guitar suck you in immediately, mesmerizing you from the first gentle strums to the peaks and valleys of “Lights Out” and “Stars” all the way to the closer’s pulsing drumbeats and majestic piano.

5. Black Messiah, D'Angelo And The Vanguard (2015)

Oozing with cool, sexy and confident R&B funk, D’Angelo returned after 14 years with an instant soul masterpiece.

4. The Monitor, Titus Andronicus (2010)

It says a lot when a band can a.) make an hour plus punk rock record b.) loosely base it on the Civil War c.) quote Abraham Lincoln d.) close it out with a 14 minute track inspired by a famous naval battle and e.) still make you want to listen to it over and over and over again.

3. Lost In The Dream, The War On Drugs (2014)

The rare album that can feel vast and ambitious and yet deeply private and personal all at once. You really will get lost in these soaring songs.

2. Halcyon Digest, Deerhunter (2010)

At times perfectly melodic and structured and at others feeling on the brink of falling apart, Halcyon Digest is a paradox – sounding peaceful, bright and idyllic while also peering over the edge into something darker. This is a remarkable record from a remarkable band. If not for the abrupt end to the darkly beautiful closer “He Would Have Laughed,” Halcyon Digest sounds like it could go on forever.

1. Let England Shake, PJ Harvey (2011)

A stunning, thought-provoking, and moving – not to mention endlessly listenable – transcendent piece of art about life and the Great War. PJ Harvey doesn’t hold back on the brutality and absurdity of armed conflict, and the album’s devastating closing track – “The Colour of the Earth” – will linger in your mind long after the record stops spinning. As powerful today as it was eight years ago, this album will remain timely and important for years – and decades – to come.