#the nerve of sjm to think this was okay

[mcuamerica]

Loving Flames | Part Four

Pairing: Eris x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Eris finally show Prythian your love.

Warnings: 18+ only, fluff, slight mention of PTSD, (kind of proofread), let me know if anything was forgotten...

Word Count: 2.2k

Disclaimer: I do not own SJM’s characters, only the ones I create for the purpose of this story. This is a work of fiction. I do not give permission to repost my work on any other platform or medium. Please be respectful.

Dividers from @saradika-graphics

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Tomorrow was the day you would accept the bond. That was the most important part of the day to Eris and you. For the rest of the Autumn court, it would be a wedding and a ceremony naming you High Lady.

It had been a year since you had went to Autumn, and a year since you had talked to your brother. While you had contact with Feyre and the rest of your family, you hadn't talked to Rhysand at all. You would still wake up in the middle of the night after a nightmare of being locked in your own room. It would take Eris bringing you to the garden for you to calm down and understand you were safe, you could leave. Some nights, it was so bad you'd spend the rest of the night sitting on a bench. It took a toll on both you and Eris. While you had trouble staying asleep, he had trouble falling asleep in fear he would miss your nightmare and you would be alone to work through it.

However, since you wanted your entire family at the mating ceremony, and you hadn't received a response from them, you decided to go to the Night Court yourself. Eris wanted to come with you, it was hard for him to not be there for you, but you knew this was something you had to do by yourself.

You took a deep breath once you winnowed outside the River House. In the Solar Courts, it was summer time. You spotted Rhys, now a spry four year old, running around with his two year old cousin, Lucien and Elain's daughter. While Lucien and Elain had visited Autumn, as had just about every one of your family, you were happy to see them together.

"Aunt (Y/N)!" You heard a small voice cry out, then a barreling head of black curls ran towards you. You smiled and leaned down, scooping up Nyx and pulling him close.

"Hi Nyx, are you being nice to Aster?" You asked, seeing your niece waddle up to you as well.

"Of course." He said defiantly, crossing his little arms on his chest.

You let out a laugh and set him down, giving Aster a hug before you took both of their small hands in yours. "Where are your parents?" You asked.

"I wasn't too far away." Lucien said, arms crossed as he leaned against the banister of the stairs.

You looked up and smiled. "Hi Lu," you said, walking the two children over to him. "I think a visit is in order as I haven't heard from you about the mating ceremony in Autumn." You said.

Lucien gave you a small smile. "I'm sorry about that, it's been a little crazy around here." He said.

You hummed, still feeling slightly left out of the family. "Is Rhys here?" You asked quietly.

Lucien nodded, taking Aster in his arms when she held her hands up. "In the living room." He said. You led Nyx into the house as well, watching as he scampered off to the living room where his mother's laughs filled the room.

You took a deep breath as Lucien called out your arrival, gathering the courage to step into the living room.

Everyone, save for Rhys, stood up to greet you. You smiled softly and hugged all of them, glad to see your family together. You felt empty without Eris beside you, but you felt a light tug on the bond at the thought, knowing he could feel your nerves.

They all decided to go outside and give you space with Rhys, of course after asking you if it was okay. When you assured them it would be fine, they filed out to the front yard.

You looked at Rhys as he stood up. "Hi." He said quietly.

"Hi." You said.

"I'm sorry." He said, the only thing he's been able to say for the past year. In letters, in sending you solstice and Starfall gifts.

"I know."

"How can I make this better?" He asked.

You took a deep breath. You had thought about this a lot. Talked it through with Eris many times. "I want to make a bargain with you. I will forgive you if you promise to never lock me up again... and you will accept Eris and I as mates. And support us as such." You said.

"I promise." He said immediately. You felt a tattoo appear on the back of your shoulders, mimicking the ones that Rhys had from completing the Blood Rite. "You deserve them... you've been through more than I can imagine." He said. "And I promise, truly, (Y/N), that I will never harm you again. And I will always talk to you before trying to protect you."

You smiled, walking closer to him and hugging him tightly. "I've missed you." You said. "Now, please tell me you will come to this ceremony? And the rest of our family?" I asked.

"I told them to go, they didn't want to until we made up..." He said.

"I figured... They are still very loyal to you. Though how bad did Cass and Az beat you up when they found out what you did?" You asked as you pulled away.

"To a pulp." He said and smiled a bit. "And Feyre banished me to the cabin for a month. I couldn't leave." He said.

"You deserved it." You said, nudging him.

"I did... and so much more. But I'm happy to see you happy.. even if it's with Eris." You rolled your eyes at the comment. "He really is a good male?" He asked.

You nodded, smiling softly. "I love him, Rhys. And he's been nothing but incredible for me." You said. "And I want you there when we accept the bond... and I become High Lady." You said.

He smiled, ruffling your hair. "High Lady of Autumn... What a twist. Imagine what father would think." He joked.

"I'm pretty sure he would die before seeing me as High Lady of anything, nonetheless Autumn." You said.

Rhys chuckled and nodded, looking at you for a few moments. "You've become an incredible female, (Y/N). I'm very proud of you." He said, pulling you in for another hug. "And I really hope we never fight again. Because this past year has sucked without you." He said.

You smiled softly and hugged him back. "Yeah, I know."

You stood in front of the mirror in your closet, smoothing down the golden dress you had on. Deep red swirls with golden sparkles embedded in the embroidery ran from your waist to your feet. There was a thin fabric attached to the straps, flowing down your back as a cape. That had matching red swirls in lace, intricately sewn into the see-through fabric. Your hair was up in a braid, circling the back of your head, with two golden leaf clips holding it back. You were the epitome of Autumn, the only thing not matching was your violet eyes, matching ones to Rhys. Still, they stood out amongst the gold and accentuated your features.

You sensed Eris enter the room before you heard him. "I might just have to accept the bond right here. I don't know if I can deal with that many males looking at you when you look so incredible." He said.

You smiled and turned towards him. "You're going to have to get used to it, because our people need a level-headed High Lord." You said.

Our people. Not only his people, but yours too. "Hmm.. I thought that's why I chose you as my High Lady..." He said and smirked. "Truly, princess, you are breath-taking. Beautiful. Gorgeous. The Mother herself would drop dead in your presence." He said.

Heat rose to your cheeks as you walked towards him, your red and gold heels clicking on the hardwood floor. "You flatter me too much, High Lord." You teased, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

His hands came to your waist, pulling you closer to him. "There is no such thing." He said and leaned down, placing a soft kiss on the top of your head. "You still won't tell me the food you're going to offer me, should I be scared?" He asked.

You laughed and shook your head. "Do you trust me?" You asked, stroking his cheek with your thumb. He leaned into your touch, smiling against the gentle gesture.

"Of course. With my life." He said.

"Then no, you should not be scared." You said and pecked his lips. "Would the High Lord escort me to the temple?" You teased.

He smiled, letting you take his arm as he winnowed you to the temple, where guests from all courts were filing in. You spotted your family standing outside, waiting for you and Eris to appear.

"I will see you inside." You said, kissing his cheek. "Please don't kill my brother at the dais." You said, squeezing his hand.

Eris gave you a wink before slinging his arm around Lucien's shoulders and leading him inside where their mother was waiting. Elain followed, along with the rest of the Inner Circle, all giving you hugs of good luck before following them along.

You looked at Rhys as he stayed behind. "You look wonderful," He said.

You smiled gently and hummed. "Thank you for not wearing black to the ceremony." You said, noticing his dark green tunic and pants. All of your family had been dressed in similar dark colors, but all reminiscent of Autumn.

"It would be improper to deny the wish of a bride. And future High Lady." He said, pulling you in for a hug.

When you pulled away, you heard the procession music begin to play. "Will you escort me to Eris?" You asked him. "I can go by myself-"

"I will escort you. See it as a symbolic gesture of giving him my trust to protect you." Rhys said, offering his arm to you.

You smiled as you took his arm, starting to walk down the middle aisle of the temple. You looked around at all of the fall flowers and decorations, courtesy of Elain's garden here. You smiled as you saw Eris grinning happily, shifting on his feet. If you didn't know better, you would say he was nervous.

You sent a slight tug on the bond as you walked down the aisle, smiling as you saw his smile grow. Soon the bond would be even stronger. You were excited to feel it in full force, but you knew it would take time.

You took a deep breath as you reached the front, smiling as Rhys kissed your cheek, shaking Eris's hand before he went to sit next to Feyre. You took Eris's hand when he offered it and stepped onto the dais. "Still as handsome as ever." You complimented, smoothing down his golden tunic, the twin to yours.

"And you're still as gorgeous as ever." He said, leaning down to place a kiss on your cheek before you turned towards the priestess together.

As the priestess finished her sermon, you and Eris faced each other, the golden ribbon you chose wrapping around your wrists and hands as you spoke the words of an Autumn wedding:

"Two hearts, one wish, two tongues, one language, two ropes, join connected, two souls, one journey."

And then the words of a Night Court wedding followed:

"With a tie not easy to break Take the time of bindin’ Before the final vows are made To learn what we need to know, To grow in wisdom and love. That our marriage will be strong, That our love will last In this life and beyond."

Tears were gathered in your eyes as the priestess gave the final vow, "May you both be blessed with the fortitude of the Cauldron, the brightness of the sun, and the brilliance of the moon. May you have the magnificence of fire, speed of lightning, quickness of wind, depth of the sea, stability of earth, and the sturdiness of rock. May your joys be as sweet as the flowers that blossom in spring and as radiant as the summer sun. May the shower of autumn leaves bring to you faith and fortune, and may your love be resilient amidst the long star-filled nights."

"You are hers, and he is yours. May the Mother bless you in these days and the days to come. Until the light leaves each other you. In this life and the next." She nodded to Eris, pronouncing you husband and wife.

Eris smiled lovingly down at you, cupping your cheeks as he brought you in for a tender kiss.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, the crowd's cheers drowned out by your love for the male standing in front of you.

When you pulled away, you had to remind yourself to stay standing at the dais, as your inauguration as a High Lady would be next.

Eris kissed you once more before pulling back. The golden ribbon that connected you stayed on your hands as you knelt before Eris, watching him kneel in front of you as well.

The ceremony for the High Lady was new, and Feyre helped you plan it. Since you didn't have any power from Autumn, Eris offered you part of his. If you were to be his High Lady of Autumn, you were going to have fire in your veins. You couldn't deny him when he gave you a very specific loving look. One that got you both into trouble more than you could count.

You dipped your head as the priestess said the ceremonial words Feyre and you had wrote (with a little help from Nesta), and you felt Eris's hand lightly touch the top of your head as he transferred a drop of his power to you. As you closed your eyes, you breathed in the newfound fire in your veins. You opened your eyes, directly into Eris's. His auburn hair seemed to shine brighter, and your violet eyes were now flecked with gold. Courtesy of the fire now burning within you.

Eris and you stood together, still connected by the golden ribbon, as the priestess introduced the new High Lord and High Lady of Autumn, Eris and (Y/N) Vanserra.

Part Five

A/N: ... This still isn't the end.. The mating bond ceremony??? Maybe some smut afterwards??? (if you can't tell, i'm obsessed with these two)

Join the taglist here (I will not be adding people from the comments)

Wedding vow source here and here... I'm so bad with them so I decided to take from Welsh and Scottish vows/blessings... If I remember the court layout correctly I think that would be accurate.

Tagging (thank you for all your lovely comments, they fuel my writing for the better every day): @96jnie @rcarbo1 @circe143 @bookwormysblog @stuff-i-found-while-crying @acourtofbatboydreams @glitterypirateduck @optimistic-but-very-realistic @minaethrym @herondale-lightworm @saltedcoffeescotch @faridathefairy @alliex-o @mariahoedt @falszywe @d3ad-ins1de @anyzandy @mulledwinetea @myromanempiree @ysmtttty @dumblani @brighterthanlonelythoughts @micaxrocky @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @windblownwinston @the-golden-jhope @alittlelostalittlefound-blog @homeslices @todaystheday @quackquackhun @Kayhud05 @forgiveliv @of-outerspace @darkbloodsly @sarahswiftie23 @edance2000 @myrtlethai @superspideyparker @tothestarsandwhateverend @adharanotfound @deancodedgirlie @plants-w0rld @confusedsezure @theanxietyqueen17 @megzdoodle @batboyslover @grace-mint @adaliajaycee @tortured-artists @tenshis-cake @andreperez11 @thesongofselene @ibysworld @marielouiseva @inky-sun @high-speed-r @lilah-asteria @antonia002 @fallingforharry-1 @azrielswhore @theshekinahb

@lostpirateinwonderland @tamara8646 @bluesylveon2 @microwaveallthedemons @paleidiot @krowiathemythologynerd @saverockandroll54 @elizastea-529 @aurorab99 @eve_the_tree @theravenphoenix26 @mybestfriendmademe

[shallyne]

SJM Crackshipmonth: What if?

Sunshine and Promises

This is chapter four of my Sunshine and Promises fic but you can read this without reading the other parts. Ship: Feyre x Helion for @sjmcrackshipmonth (pls remember this is supposed to be a crackfic) Thanks to @starfall-spirit for this idea

Words: 1,480

TW: none

After an (off page) one night stand Feyre gets pregnant and both Helion and Feyre try to get used to the news. Her belly steadily growing, Feyre can't hide the pregnancy much longer and tells her friends, then comes home to bad news.

It was a sunny afternoon. It was warm and the sky was clear and Feyre finally responded to her friends and invited them to get coffee. She couldn't keep the pregnancy to herself for much longer, she knew that, and she didn't want them to find out through any gossip. It wasn't that she didn't want her friends to know, it was just that she still had to digest the news herself. But now she sat in a cozy café, playing with her coffee cup as her little group of friends told her about the last party she missed. It was a funny story and Feyre laughed, easing her nerves.

"We missed you, though." Ressina said, laying her hand on top of Feyre's. "When are you going to join us again?"

"Oh," Feyre said, pushing the cup away from her. It seemed like a good idea to order it but now the thought of coffee made her nauseous. "I guess that will be a while."

Aranea tilted her head in question and Ressina slightly drew her hand back, "What do you mean?"

"I'm pregnant." Feyre finally said. Lorelei beside her gasped and pressed her hand on her mouth, Aranea raised her eyebrows in surprise and Ressina leaned forward, now fully grabbing and squeezing her hand.

"You're pregnant?" she asked. Only curiosity laced that question, no anger or resentment.

"Yes." Feyre replied, feeling herself relaxing. "We decided to keep it. We'll, I did and I told him and well-" she breathed out. "Here we are."

They all stared at Feyre and then Ressina smiled brightly. "Congratulations, Feyre! That's so exciting!" she hopped from her chair and hugged Feyre, the others following her example.

"Is that why you avoided us the last few weeks?" Aranea asked curiously. "Did you think we would judge?"

"No, yes, maybe. It's complicated. I knew you wouldn't but I was scared nonetheless and we mostly meet for clubbing and that won't be an option for me. Not for a while and I just…I didn't want to lose you."

"You will not lose us!" Ressina said. Lorelei and Aranea nodded in confirmation. "It's exciting, isn't it? Actually I was thinking about who would be the first of us to have a child. Who's the father? I didn't know you had a boyfriend! I didn't know you were interested in dating at all. How far along are you? Do you know the sex of the baby already? "

"Calm down, Ressina." Aranea chuckled, "Let her breathe for a moment."

Feyre chuckled with her, a hand instinctively laying on her stomach. There was already a bump but Feyre was still able to cover it with baggy clothes. She took a deep breath, ready to tell them the truth, however shocking. "Okay, brace yourselves," she said, "His name is Helion, he's the owner of a well known club–"

"The Day Court!" Lorelei gasped. "Are you dating the owner of the Day Court?"

"No," Feyre laughed, warning confused looks. "We met at his club and instantly hit it off and we'll, I slept with him. We did keep in contact but just friendly, there aren't any romantic feelings. Then I was late on my period. I took a test, it was positive, I went to the doctor and she confirmed it – I'm pregnant. So I told Helion, told him that I wanted to keep it, with or without him but he had a right to know, " Feyre sighed,.lost in thought, "He was shocked of course, God knows I still am, but he's in. He wants to be a dad." Feyre swallowed, fighting the tears. These goddamn hormones. "Well, a few weeks ago we went to an appointment together and…" she exhaled. "It's still a shock, I'm sorry." Ressina took her hand again and Feyre continued. "It's twins."

Ressina and Lorelai gasped, Aranea's brows shot up in surprise. "No, I don't know the sex of the babies yet. I am twelve weeks pregnant."

"Twins?" Ressina asked. "Are you sure?"

"I am." Feyre laughed, pulling out the ultrasound and showing them.

As Lorelai and Ressina looked at it, Aranea said, "You really don't half ass things, do you?" she took a sip of her drink.

"Seems like I'm doing things double." Feyre replied.

They all laughed and finished their coffee date and then parted ways after asking a ton of questions that Feyre still didn't have an answer for. Aranea asked her where she would live because, of course, Feyre couldn't keep living in her tiny one room apartment. She needed time to figure it out. Feyre had time, she was only twelve weeks there was more than enough time to figure things out. Although, the universe didn't seem to agree with her because when she arrived at her apartment complex, she found an eviction notice in her mailbox.

It was five minutes later that she called Helion, sniffing as she furiously wiped tears away but they kept coming.

"Hey," Helion said but immediately stopped because hearing his voice just made Feyre sob harder. "Feyre? What's up?"

She tried to explain but only inaudible mumbling came out between her sobs. It was nearly impossible to calm down. Everytime she thought she could talk, another wave of sorrow hit her so hard that she cried again. "Are you at your apartment?"

"Yes." she cried, using her sleeve to wipe over face. She crinkled her nose and looked away.

"I'm on my way, stay where you are." Helion said.

"You're working." Feyre sniffled. She could already hear traffic on the other side of the call.

"Don't worry about that," Helion said. "Take a deep breath, drink some water and just wait there. I'll be there in a few, alright?" she heard a car door open and slam close.

"Alright." Feyre agreed. As much as she didn't want Helion to get away from his work because of her, she was glad that she wasn't alone. They hung up and Feyre leaned back in her chair, taking a few deep breaths like Helion instructed.

She was nursing a glass of water when he arrived, her face still damp from crying. "That was fast."

"I may have overlooked a stop sign," he admitted.

"Stop that! Be careful." Feyre told him, flopping on her chair and sighing in exhaustion.

"What happened?" Helion asked. Wordlessly, Feyre extended the letter, tears dwelling in her eyes once again.

When his gaze reached the bottom of the letter, she said, "I'm going to be homeless." her voice cracked.

"No, no you're not." Helion tried to soothe, crouching in front of Feyre. "I will never let that happen, understand?" Feyre nodded and he wiped away a tear. "They can't throw you out like that, we can take action against it."

"That wouldn't make sense," Feyre said, "I need to move out here sooner or later." She pointed at her stomach, then let her hand rest atop it.

Helion’s expression softened. She knew that he was as shocked as Feyre about the news, not believing that this was real. This was the first time Feyre saw that the realization fully sank in. They will be parents in a few months.

He rested his hands atop of hers, "Then you will live with me until we find you a fitting apartment." he promised.

"In your apartment?" Feyre asked, letting her thumb stroke over his.

"Or my house on the outskirts of the city. Or my beach house. Or–"

"I get it." Feyre rolled her eyes but smiled, "You're filthy rich, congrats."

Helion laughed, his eyes crinkling. "You know I also own a farm."

"Do you have horses?"

"I do."

"You need to show me someday." Feyre said.

"It would be an honor. I will show you everything." he said. Not an empty promise, Feyre realized as she looked at him. He meant it. "You'll move this weekend, alright?" he asked, as he looked at that cursed letter again. Feyre nodded. "And do not carry anything too heavy! I'll bring people to do that, don't you worry about it. I need you to promise me that."

Feyre smiled and threw her arms around his neck. "I promise. Thank you so, so much."

"No problem, Fey." he said.

They were silent for a few moments, only embracing each other until the sound of Feyre's ringtone broke the silence. She looked at the caller ID and her heart stopped for a second. "That's my sister."

"And?"

"We didn't talk for…i don't know how long." except the holidays, but she barely could call that talking. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Do you want to talk to her?" Helion asked.

Feyre nodded. "I'm scared, though." she looked from her phone to Helion. "I don't want to keep you away from–"

"I'll stay if that's what you want." he interrupted.

She smiled, squeezing his hand and exhaled. Then she accepted the call.

Taglist: @timesconvert

[acourtofthought]

I saw the post that the other anon was referring to!!! It almost sounds as if they take Az being passive and only acting at someone else’s prompt to mean that he never judged, or was dismissive or forced Elain or etc etc when in reality, he probably didn’t care much in the beginning at all…..not until, as you said, he saw a “damsel in distress.” She’d been there for months after all.

On the other hand, SJM took the time to let us IN Lucien’s head for us to see exactly just how much he cares and what he’s thinking. I mean, even before that too! He tells Feyre that he’s coming with her to get Elain, to see what’s going on with this mating bond. And let’s even go further BACK—during the whole transformation, Lucien broke his bonds, manifested powers he probably didn’t know he had and ran to Elain. SJM didn’t even have Az look twice. So this argument that Az cares the most or done the most for Elain but Lucien hasn’t been there is just so ridiculous. It all stems from all their “well maybe off the page” argument. Now THAT is fanon. And they have the nerve to call the bonus chapter fanon when that is, by definition, CANON because SJM wrote it and published it. They’re just in denial that the bonus chapter HEAVILY favors Gwynriel. They just keep twisting and using things to their own argument and disregarding everything else.

Okay, rant over.

Thank you sage Elucien master for listening! You’re blog is a safe space 😂

You know, the "Az being respectful and not forcing Elain" argument wouldn't be a bad one if it was applicable to the actual situation.

As it stands though, that argument in that scenario would be like my being sick with the flu and you not offering me liquids because you don't want to come across as forceful or pushy 🤦😂

When someone isn't well and you're trying to help them out of concern (or if you're concerned for them in regards to something else like ensuring she has a weapon), you reach out a hand, offer suggestions and express that concern. Sitting there and doing nothing so you "don't look pushy" doesn't come across as a kindness and being respectful, it comes across as if you don't care.

You made an excellent point about how far back Lucien expressed concern for Elain (all the way back in ACOMAF when he tried to get to her before she was Made, broke free of the spells after she was Made, offered her his coat and held her in his arms - before he even realized they were Mates) and I think it's a good thing to remind anyone doubting Elucien of.

As of ACOFAS, Az was still looking at Mor with hunger and longing. How can anyone say he has cared for Elain in a romantic sense for books upon books when he canonically was in love with Mor one book back? Had Mor looked in Az's direction I'm certain he would have dropped his piggy backed attempts at helping Elain like a hot potato.

It's interesting how the Cassian Bonus Chapter was canon and valid for future books. How the Chaol Bonus Chapter was canon and valid for future books. But ONLY the Az Bonus Chapter means nothing.

Weird right?

P.S. I'm sure I don't truly deserve the title of Sage Elucien Master but I can't deny I totally got a kick out of it and will secretly call myself this when I want a little ego boost 😁😁😁

Thank your message! ❤️

[bookofmirth]

Honestly? I feel like Lucien's actions are easier to forgive than Feyre's. Lucien has valid reasons to why he did those things. When he tried to bring Feyre back? It was because: 1. It was to prevent Tamlin from making a deal with the Hybern King, which would bring Prythian and especially the Spring court in danger. 2. The Night court wasn't a good option either. Anyone outside the NC saw Rhys as the villain and they all heard nasty stories about the NC. Lucien didn't know Feyre learned how to read so of course he would think the letter was fake and she's being manipulated. After all, Rhys is known for his manipulation. I'm not sure why Feyre would think Lucien would just leave Tamlin for Feyre that easily, considering she knows of what happened when Lucien was thrown out of the AC. Lucien feels like he owes Tamlin big and honestly Tamlin made him feel like Lucien had to be grateful. About acomaf- I'm not sure why people say Lucien did nothing or even go as far as to say he supported "slavery". Yes, it wasn't much, but for someone who would get abused even for just LOOKING WRONG, it was enough. Lucien tried helping Feyre UTM and it ended with Tamlin giving him 20 lashes. As far as I know, whenever Lucien would try to convience Tamlin to let Feyre do something, Tamlin would get angry and shut him down. Like damn. On the other hand, I do understand why Feyre felt like Lucien was betraying her, but she went too far in acowar. I mean, she literally lead Lucien right to Tamlin's claws and that was only to get on Tamlin's nerves. She was well aware of the abuse Lucien got from him and yet she found it funny to leave him to deal with Tamlin right when he came in and saw Lucien and Feyre hugging. Not to mention the people that are now homeless.. Feyre did mistakes that can be easily forgiven for the right reasons, but there was no valid reason as to why she had to take people's homes and leave Lucien to his abuser.

I'm not saying that his mistakes should be easily excused, just that some of them are easy to forgive because he didn't have much choice. I'm just so frustrated because every character in that series f*cked up, yet Lucien gets the most hate for what he did, even tho he already apologized and tried to make it up to Feyre

I totally agree. I know not everyone does but this is one of those things I am just pretty firm on *shrug* If we are just looking at the shitty things they have done:

Feyre knew what she was doing, she knew she was harming people, and that was her intention at the beginning of acowar in the Spring Court. She put Lucien in harm's way (once she put him there with Tamlin and once she almost left him there, with Ianthe) and she manipulated the guards and Ianthe and Tamlin into the guards being whipped.

In this … in this, my revenge edged toward something oily, something foreign and queasy. He would heal from the pain, but the blow to his honor … It’d take a little piece out of mine as well.

Feyre knew, and she felt gross doing it, but she didn't stop it. It wasn't about the war either, she said it was her revenge. Anyway.

Lucien thought he was doing the right thing. He didn't mean to harm anyone, like ever, he thought Feyre was brainwashed and that he was helping his best friend. He trusted Tamlin to know more about the war and Hybern, and it's not like he had much of a choice anyway.

Their actions led to people being hurt, but sjm frames it as Lucien being a bad friend, while Feyre gets to go be High Lady with the love of her life and honestly great for her, that's amazing, but I hate the way that Lucien's actions have been framed because we know that he thought he was doing the right thing, and we know that Feyre was actually trying to hurt people. Not just Tamlin, all the people around him were pawns, and I will never be okay with what she did at the beginning of acowar 🙃 It quite pisses me off.

I'm not anti either of them, it's just that in 4.5 books this is my least favorite version of Feyre and otherwise I think she's selfless and fantastic and great. I wish her revenge didn't have to be so utterly careless, though.

[desertofsnowflakes]

Incorrect Order Chapter 4 (Nessian AU)

A/N: I know I haven't been able to update as fast as you'd want me to but I'll try to fix that. Your comments and feedbacks are very much appreciated. Do inform me if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist! If you happen to find my storyline similar to another fic or one of yours, I'm extremely sorry, I might've just not known. All characters belong to the author Sarah J. Mass. Enjoy!

Summary: Don't first impressions always affect the way you see someone? Well, what more with the Nesta Archeron? Nesta meets Cassian at few unexpected places and to say it didn't go well was a major understatement. Certain circumstances make them become enemies to tolerable company to friends to lovers.

Trigger Warnings: None really

1652words | Incorrect Order Masterlist | Read on AO3

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The best way to keep whatever problems one has out of their mind was to do something they liked. That was the only way Cassian kept from spiraling. Since sending the woman to her own house, Cassian had more than a few moments when he wanted to repeatedly slam his head against a wall. That’s why he spent most of his time sparring with Azriel. He won’t admit he was simping for that woman in his free time too. Or maybe that was always.

Now, sprawled on a couch in front of the TV, with nothing to do but stare at a blank screen, Cassian led his thoughts to the box he kept all unwanted thoughts locked in. He thought about Tomas, her ex-boyfriend. Funny, he thought. I know her ex's name but not hers.

It took him a little too long the other day to realise they didn't exchange names. Again. He once thought that maybe she was purposely not giving him her name. That maybe, for her, he was just a random stranger who happened to save her life. He snorted. Surely anyone would know the name of the person they saved or was saved by— stranger or not. He supposed he'll have to make do with pronouns for now.

After she left his home, it took every scrap of self-restraint not to beat this Tomas dude to pulp and let him rot in the same alley he had the misfortune of meeting him in. He may or may not have been the cause for some extra injuries. Cassian appreciated the woman’s attempt at mercy. He, however, didn’t trust Tomas at all. He was dubious about just handing him over to the police. Who’s to know he won’t frame him and the woman for absurd things? Anyway, he left a note in Tomas’s house saying something like “Step out of line, lose your favourite part of anatomy. Name it and have it for your meal.” He made sure he printed so that no one would recognise his writing. Yet, all this didn’t calm his nerves one bit. He presumed he’ll have to stay on guard for some time now.

Now, back to the girl. He sighed. He didn’t dare change the sheets in his guest bedroom. He didn’t even let Mor use the room when she came over last weekend— which he could bet created suspicion. No, that room was only open when he craved her scent. He even realised one of his shirts was missing. He shrugged it off thinking he would've left it somewhere and just couldn't find it. Once she came to his house, he was constantly thinking about her. So much that now he started pinching himself often. It was the only way he could stop thinking about her— by creating physical pain.

Cassian glanced at the clock on the wall. 2.30 in the afternoon. He walked to the refrigerator and checked his freezer compartment. Huh. No ice-cream. He sighed, grabbed his jacket and keys and headed to the mall to get an ice-cream with a pout. He’ll have to leave for Rhys and Feyre’s first anniversary only around 5.30 to prepare everything. He has enough time to get an ice-cream and probably hang out for some time. Good enough to stop thinking about her. Or so he thought.

***

Nesta wasn’t sore anymore. Her headache was gone almost a week after the incident. Her nose didn’t hurt anymore. Okay, maybe a little bit. It didn’t hurt unless she bumped her nose against something. Today, her nose was dully throbbing because she hit her nose against a pillow yesterday. A very, very soft pillow and yet it hurt this much.

The man’s first-aid and medicines were really helpful.

It really wasn’t fair that he excelled at basic first aid too. It wasn’t fair that he looked so good. With black tattoos swirling over generously muscled arms and shoulder-length dark hair curling at the edges and gloriously tanned skin and hazel eyes with minute flecks of green and brown when taken a closer look at and dimples and—

A quiet “Who is it?” snapped Nesta out of her moping. She looked up to see Gwyn walking to her.

“Who is what?” she asked, feigning nonchalance. Gwyn's pursed lips and glare conveyed that her act wasn't enough.

“Who are you thinking about?” Gwyn clarified.

“What makes you think I'm thinking about someone?” Nesta retorted.

Gwyn sat on the chair next to her and started assisting with classifying the unceremonious heap of books on the table to be kept back in its correct positions on its own rack.

“Nesta,” Gwyn sighed, “Clotho assigned you this stack almost an hour ago. And you've barely finished a third of the stack. Normally, you'd finish stacks bigger than this in an hour. So there's clearly something.”

“It wasn't anyone,” Nesta mumbled.

As usual, Gwyn saw through her lie. “You were twirling your hair,” she said flatly.

Heat inched up her neck. “I was not!”

Gwyn murmured a “uh-huh” and they lapsed into an easy silence till they were almost over.

Gwyn's eyes lit up as it normally did whenever she got an idea. “Is it him? The guy you came with that day?”

Nesta scowled, “How do you know…” she broke off when she realised which 'that day' Gwyn was talking about. Nesta fought back a blush. “No, no, this isn't about him. We don't know each other. Much. Like, we've seen each other a number of times? That's it. Nothing else.” Cauldron, the first part was a complete lie. But at least the rest are true. Will Gwyn happen to know his name? Maybe I ought to ask her. Or maybe I shouldn't.

She should, she decided. She cleared her throat. “Uh, Gwyn? Do you happen to know his name?”

Gwyn frowned and asked, “He hasn't told you yet?”

Nesta shook her head and answered, “No, we, uh, forgot. I guess. We haven't really exchanged names.”

Gwyn nodded and smiled. “Well, he is—”

“Gwyn!” a voice called. “You can't expect me to come over to you and beg for you to help me. Help me only if you want to or don't work under me.”

Gwyn’s eyes widened. She abruptly stood up and mouthed, “Merrill. I gotta go. I’m so sorry.” She all but ran to Merrill, the very strict librarian Gwyn was working under.

Nesta sighed and continued her work. There wasn’t much left so she was able to finish fast. She picked her things and left the library with a word to Clotho, heading to the mall.

***

The best way to keep whatever problems one has out of their mind was to also eat something they liked. So, ice-cream it was. After having his ice-cream, Cassian was aimlessly walking around the mall. Here, not more than a month ago, he met her for the first time. Almost a month ago. He huffed out a breath. The fact that he was pining for her this long blew his mind off. He—

“This is your fault— not mine. I’m not taking the blame for this,” he told her. They bumped into each other. Again.

Her lips quirked up. “It is kind of my fault. But blame this—,” she poked his chest, “— for making my nose hurt again.”

Just like that, his mood sobered. “How are you?” he asked.

She pointed at the cafe to her left. “Coffee?”

He nodded. Who was he to say no to her?

So they ordered coffee and talked about everything and nothing. He grinned and she laughed. He laughed and she smirked. He wouldn’t say he knew her well but he’d never seen her so carefree. Her laugh was like nectar for a starving man. Her eyes bright and welling up with tears from laughing.

“I don’t think I’ve laughed this much,” she said.

Cassian put a hand on his heart dramatically and said, “I know, I know. I’m very funny.”

Her lips kicked up a notch. She straightened as if she just realised something. He was about to ask when she drawled, “So I just realised that we still haven’t exchanged names.”

Oh. Right. Of course. “Yeah,” he nodded. “Usually, when people meet, they start with introductions but in our case we’ve literally bumped into each other three times and still we don’t know each other.” He shook his head and extended his hand. “Well, hello there. I’m—”

His phone rang in his pocket. Fuck. He was going to kill whoever was calling him now. He was so close to knowing her name. He pulled out his phone to see an incoming call from Azriel. He apologetically looked up at her and said, “I’m sorry. I wish I could choose not to take this call and instead kill this idiot but I can’t. Just give me a moment, okay?”

She nodded and he picked up his call.

“What do you want?” he hissed.

“It’s 5.30 already, you idiot. We’ve got to get the things ready for the party. Mor already went to get the cake and you’re not even at home. Where on all earth and hell are you?” came Az’s faint voice.

“15 minutes only? Mother above, I’m coming.” he said.

Az’s “make it fast” was the last thing he heard before hanging up. “I wish we could stay here and talk forever,” he said to her, “but I have something up in a short while and I totally didn’t realise time was passing this fast. I’m so sorry. It was nice talking to you. Really. And I wish we could meet again. Though without the bumping part.”

He grinned when she smiled and said, “Bye. Have a nice day.”

“You too,” he called back. He didn’t want to think he imagined the subtle look of disappointment on her face because hell, he was a walking epitome of disappointment right now.

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[theladyofdeath]

In the Bleak midwinter {17}

A Throne of Glass Period AU: 1920s.

Summary: 2 years after Arobynn Hammel is killed by Rowan Whitethorn, Maeve has returned from Eyllwe with a vengeance. Meanwhile, Rowan is getting married, Lorcan is a father, and Lysandra is finally ready to give her heart away. There’s been peace in The Cadre’s Orynth for 2 years, but peace never lasts.

A/N: Coming in close to the end!

All characters belong to SJM. I am no more than a fan with a plot.

**Warning: mature content - language, alcohol use, drug use, sex, murders and shit.

Links & masterlists:

Fanfic Masterlist

Ask me

The Cadre - 1920s AU {TOG}

In the Bleak Midwinter {The Cadre, Part 2}

Aelin didn’t know how long she and Lucy had been in that room, but she knew that she was cold, achy, and terrified. It took a while for Lucy to notice. She was a curious one, and pretty independent, so she could make herself comfortable in most places, especially once they had food. But, now, Aelin was running out of comforting conversation topics to have with a toddler as anxiety and fear thrummed through her veins. 

The food they were given hours ago had made her sick, although she tried to keep everything down, for Lucy’s sake. Meanwhile, every horrible outcome of what was taking place outside of the four concrete walls she sat inside had her heart beating faster. 

“Ae Ae,” Lucy began, and Aelin looked over at her, trying her best not to cry.

“Yes, Luce?” she replied, quietly. 

“Dada,” Lucy whispered, her lip wobbling, but before she could cry, the door was unlocked, and pushed open.

Aelin quickly snatched Lucy up as she stood and held the toddler tightly in her arms. 

Cairn stood there, looking as deadpan and serious as ever. “Come with me.”

“Where to?” Aelin asked, not moving a step.

Cairn showed no emotion. “Come with me, or I’ll lock you in here, again. It’s your choice.” 

Aelin hated that she didn’t hesitate. Instead, with Lucy in her arms, she followed Cairn out of the little room and through the winding hallways. 

The rest of the building wasn’t any better than the little room they had been trapped in. The stone walls continued, and Aelin didn’t feel comforted at all as they followed Cairn through the narrow hallways. Lucy was whining, which didn’t comfort Aelin either. Aelin should have been the one to comfort her but her own nerves were spiraling out of control.

Their walk seemed to last forever, but eventually, they came to a door. Lucy clung to the neckline of Aelin’s dress, and Lucy was grateful for it, it was the only thing that was keeping Aelin connected to reality.

Even though that reality was horrifying. 

Cairn pushed open the door and gestured for Aelin to enter. She was smart enough not to fight back or be stubborn, even though she so desperately wanted to both be stubborn and fight back. 

Maeve knew it, too, judging by the horrific smile on her red-painted lips as they entered. Aelin, Lucy in her arms, stopped just inside of the door with her chin raised high. 

“Mrs. Whitethorn,” Maeve crooned, as Cairn shut the door behind them. “How are you enjoying your stay?” 

“Food is shit,” Aelin said, plainly. Lucy’s whines had turned into a silent cry, her face buried into Aelin’s shoulder. “Is my husband on his way?”

Maeve’s eyes narrowed. “To the old train station, yes. In fact, he’ll be leaving that ungodly mansion of yours shortly.”

“Whatever you’re asking him for, he won’t give it to you,” Aelin said, shaking her head, but even as the words left her mouth, she knew she was wrong. For his wife, and his niece, Rowan would give Maeve whatever she wanted. 

As her dark eyes lit up, Aelin knew that she knew it, too. 

“I plan to test that theory,” she said, at last, her nails clicking on the hard desktop she sat behind. “Cairn.” 

Lucy was being removed from Aelin’s arms before she could even have a second thought. The second she was in Cairn’s arms, she was wailing. 

“No!” Aelin cried, taking a step forward to fight for her niece back, but a gun was cocked, and Aelin froze. 

Maeve didn’t hesitate as she pointed her pistol at Aelin’s head. “One more step, and you die, which would just be awful for all of us, wouldn’t it?” 

Aelin put a protective hand over her stomach, then looked at Lucy, who was being held by Cairn at Maeve’s right hand side. Aelin couldn’t help the tears that lined her eyes as she listened to Lucy cry. 

“Edward!”

The door opened and a man Aelin had never seen before entered the room and took Aelin’s arms behind her back. 

“Fuck you!” Aelin yelled, spitting at Maeve.

The woman snorted and set her gun down on her desk. Then, she nodded her head, and Aelin was hit in the back of the head, the rest of the world going dark around her. 

~~~~~

“They’re late,” Lorcan grumbled, his hands opening and closing at his sides. 

Rowan pulled the pocketwatch out of his breast pocket. Lorcan was right. It was two minutes past. 

“They’ll be here,” he snapped. 

Gavriel stood just behind them, watching the other side of the old abandoned platform, waiting, calmly. Fenrys was there, too, his jaw locked. They had left Aedion at home, watching and waiting in case anything happened there. Lysandra was with him, along with a hysterical Natalia. 

Just as Rowan’s patience was running short, he saw them coming. A sleek, black car was driving up, followed by one that was nearly identical. Rowan had no doubt to whom the cars belonged to.

No one moved, no one said a word as those cars pulled up to the other side of the broken tracks. 

They waited for a moment, and Rowan was about nearly to combust as the door to the first car opened and Cairn came out. He ascended the platform, and met their gazes as he approached.

Alone.

Before Rowan could open his mouth and spit out a retort, Cairn said, “Maeve sends apologies. She couldn’t make it, she was otherwise occupied.” 

“Where are they.” It wasn’t a question, but a demand. Rowan’s voice was low, calm. He didn’t want to even start thinking about where Maeve’s attention was.

“Depends which one you’re asking about,” Cairn replied, simply. 

Rowan froze, and it was Lorcan that growled, “Stop dancing around the subject, tell us the fucking conditions so we can get on with it.” 

Cairn stared at them, perfectly happy with Lorcan’s outburst. It’s why he let the silence ensue before saying, “Mr. Whitethorn comes with me.”

Gavriel’s shoulders tensed as Fenrys snorted. Lorcan had begun to say no, but Rowan interrupted them all, saying, “And Lucy and Aelin come back?” 

“I have Lucy in the car,” Cairn replied, simply, and when he didn’t go on, Rowan asked, “And my wife?” 

Cairn just smiled, slowly. 

“Well?” Rowan asked, after Cairn said nothing. 

“Lucy comes back to you now,” he said, quietly. “Aelin will be sent back to the estate when Rowan is safely delivered to Maeve.” 

“No,” Lorcan breathed, even though Rowan knew it hurt him to say it. “We find another way.”

“Lucy needs to be safe now,” Rowan said, quietly. “And Aelin needs to be safe now. I’ll be fine, and I’ll figure something out, but they need to be home, where I know they’re okay.” 

Lorcan stilled, but Rowan said, “Bring Lucy to Lorcan and I’ll come willingly.” 

“That undoes everything that we’ve fought for so far,” Fenrys muttered.

Rowan closed his eyes, knowing full well he was thinking of Connall. But Rowan wouldn’t have another death on his hands. Not his niece. Not his wife. He was done watching those he loved die, those that his family loved die.

He was over it.

Done.

Cairn waved a hand and the door to the second car was opened. A man in a suit came out, carrying Lucy, who was looking around with big, round eyes. The moment she spotted Lorcan, she began to cry, scream for him, but the second Lorcan took a step toward her, a gun was pointed at him.

So he stilled, and waited, even though it killed him to do so. The second Lucy was in his arms, though, he was clinging onto his daughter for dear life. 

“Dada.” She wept his name, and if Rowan had any sort of hesitation, Lucy’s little voice pushed him over the edge. Without looking back at his men, he took a step toward Cairn, then another, and another.

Before anyone could say anything otherwise, Rowan was shoved into a car and being driven away from the abandoned train tracks. 

Toward his aunt. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[comingoutofthecauldron]

Sometimes I'm like broooo how did leigh make such good books with soc and ck with such good characters and plots and wordbuilding but she had made a (very entertaining) trilogy but with so many grating 2D characters and sometimes the plot was just ... not it

Like soc and ck obviously have their flaws too but not to the same extent as the trilogy

Like did you feel leigh was very unnecessarily sympathetic to the darkling and treated Nikolai as a mostly good character in the text even though he did sooooo many shitty things

And that zoya was treated (unknowingly) with a lot of misogyny in the narrative which has caused many people in the fandom to hate her

And alarking and nikolina were romanticised in the books and in the fandom far too much

???

YES OKAY so this is a Big Thing for me. very controversially, i prefer tgt to soc solely because i find it much more enjoyable to read. HOWEVER, there's no denying that leigh's writing definitely improved from tgt to soc, i agree.

while i think that leigh clearly portrayed the darkling as a villain (she didn't tamper down his crimes or make them seem less horrific), i agree that the narrative was definitely (arguably too) sympathetic towards him. i could use a lot of examples for this, but none work quite so well as:

“Once more,” he said. “Speak my name once more.” He was ancient, I knew that. But in this moment he was just a boy – brilliant, blessed with too much power, burdened by eternity.

“Aleksander.”

His eyes fluttered shut. “Don’t let me be alone,” he murmured. And then he was gone.

leigh's choice to have alina, one of the people who suffered most at the darkling's hands, sympathise with him and even grant him his last wish, was a bad one. this man is a thousand year old p*dophilic mass murdering sex trafficker and she had the nerve to describe him as "just a boy" and "brilliant [...] blessed [...] burdened". of course you can argue that this is the residue of his grooming of alina, but i just think that after all the shit he'd done by this point, after a whole book of alina talking about how manipulated she felt and how much she hated him, these few words offer him clemency from the narrative that he does not deserve. all he did to earn alina's kindness (not forgiveness, to be fair to leigh) was die.

and yes, nikolai was hero worshipped by the text for absolutely no reason. even though we see both alina and mal put up a lot of resistance to him + the shit he pulls (punching him, criticizing him etc), the narrative basically shoves their eventual "pity" and "admiration" for nikolai down the readers' throats.

“[...] Nikolai might never have made it out of the Grand Palace.” It hurt me to say it, but I forced myself to speak the words. “He could be dead.”

and

The too-clever fox. Even once he’d abandoned his disguise as Sturmhond, that’s who Nikolai had been to me, always thinking, always scheming.

and

[to nikolai] “I’m just happy you’re alive,” I said, hastily blinking my eyes clear.

imo this sympathy + romanticisation is much worse and much more prominent throughout the latter half of s&s and the whole of r&r than the sympathy with the darkling, purely because the bad things nikolai does are essentially never acknowledged. there is (unsurprisingly ig) no talk of his imperialism, no talk of his pursuing alina when she's a minor, no talk of his racist remarks and generally very little talk of him being an asshole (particularly to mal).

moreover, i agree that nikolina + darklina were too romanticized by the text. i have a very complicated relationship with leigh's portrayal of alarkling, because a lot of alina's earlier feelings and sympathy for the darkling stem from his grooming and manipulation of her, which i think this quote from the start of r&r shows pretty well:

Even now, after everything he’d done, I wanted to believe the Darkling, to find some way to forgive him.

but then we get the whole mental house call thing that alina + the darkling do, in which they can visit each other and no one else can see the other. that was a mistake narratively. the ability to do this implies a sort of deeper bond, and even though the darkling then uses this bond to show alina the corpse of the only mother figure she'd ever known, it still carries almost romantic connotations with it throughout the rest of the book(s) for some reason. this dynamic is similar to a lot of "soulmate bonds" in mainstream ya (namely sjm's mating bonds), which helps to explain why so many people ship darklina; it is written & coded the same as the majority of (abusive) ya relationships, so readers pick up on this as a sign of romance rather than some attempt at narrative foils or something (bc in reality zoya is alina's foil). this isn't even mentioning the repetition of alina's desire to forgive the darkling and her confusion over her "feelings" for him, which once again just reinforces darklina as a viable ship in a lot of readers' minds.

as for nikolina, as a less prevalent ship in the series it gets less attention in the fandom. most often, i see people turn to nikolina because they don't like malina or the darkling, or because they wanted alina to become queen (to which i remind everyone that alina never wanted to be queen). at first i was alright with leigh's portrayal of them because alina punches nikolai + is angry with him for kissing her non-consensually etc, which is the closest the narrative ever comes to condemning him for his actions. but later on alina seems to forget all this and considers marrying nikolai, even joking with him a little when he proposes:

[during nikolai's marriage proposal]

“Stop that,” I said, still grinning.

“What?”

“Saying the right thing.”

there is zero acknowledgement of how predatory nikolai is, and instead the narrative goes on to sympathise with nikolai and have alina feel guilty for rejecting him. imo alina's characterization (her initial disdain for nikolai, which was much more in character) was sacrificed to raise up nikolai, and also show him to be a plausible and "likable" love interest for zoyalai, which is where leigh obviously intended for nikolai to end up (zoya is even mentioned during nikolai's proposal).

finally - yes, zoya in tgt is basically a manifestation of leigh's internalised misogyny. from alina's initial slut-shamey disdain for her, to leigh weaponising her against malina (repeated sexual encounters with mal), to zoya being seen as evil & a bitch by the other female characters just because she's powerful + isn't "nice", zoya's character was assassinated before it even had chance to materialize. even though zoya was also a victim of the darkling and is, as i mentioned before, alina's narrative foil, alina has very little sympathy for her and assumes that she's an evil bitch. tbf, this gets better with each book, but even in r&r there's a lot of tension between zoya and the other characters because she's seen as unlikable and difficult. i can't speak to her characterization in kos or soc, because i haven't read one and don't really remember the other, but i have heard that it improved from tgt to kos.

anyways this has been a long ass rant and i'm very sorry to anyone who scrolls past it on their dash. fuck the darkling, fuck nikolai lantsov, and stan malyen oretsev

[colesartandbooksandstuff]

A Court of Silver Flames (A Court of Thorns and Roses #4)- Sarah J. Maas

-Background: I read the first 3.5 (counting the novella as .5) ACOTAR books over the winter partially in preparation for ACOSF, but also because I wanted too. I don’t dislike Nesta. She isn’t my favorite character, but if she manages to no try to solve every mental breakdown with painting a picture, she’ll already be higher up on the list than Feyre. This supposedly also was more of an adult/new adult book than the previous installments, so I may or may not have to start going back to church once I finish it, because lets be honest the first ones were a different breed.

-Part 1: Novice (Pg 1-268): I’m not hating it. Its been almost 300 pages and to be completely honest there hasn’t been a ton of conflict. I don’t know where the rest of the book is gonna go. Like we’ve had some spiciness.. we’ve had some character development (Nesta is mentally an alcoholic, but not actively participating… She’s too lazy to go to town). Feyre isn’t playing a main role (I’m happy for that, some of you won’t be). I’m not mad, but this section could have been broken down into probably 150 instead of 250. Lots of foreshadowing but it’s gonna be tough to pull all of the pieces together.

-Part 2: The Blade (Pg 271-509): Replacing Feyre’s “it was so beautiful, I couldn’t have painted it even if I tried” from the original trilogy is “like calls to like” as the repeated phrase that makes me incredibly violent. There is a pregnancy storyline (not Nesta) that is also stepping on every one of my nerves. I do not care. I don’t care about Elain either and for some reason she continues to play a role. We are getting real spicy, but it isn’t that big of a difference from the first three. It isn’t 0 to 100 in comparison, its really more like 75 to 100. The only thing that changed for the most part was that now since its marketed as NA/Adult is that SJM can use the f-bomb. Nesta has made some friends, they have a smut book club and I’m here for it. Otherwise, this part of the book could have been split in half, and the second half could have been shorted significantly. There has been a ton of past-shadowing (is that a word? Hinting at a past event) but we still don’t know what happened. There’s 250 pages left, so a lot could be resolved, but I’m not having high hopes for a neat-ribbon-tied conclusion.

-Part 3: Valkyrie (Pg 513-647): Not a whole lot is happening. We had ACOFAS 2.0 kinda, with another winter solstice party. The is a lot of training again, a lot of reading, a lot of ** scenes. But overall, nothing major is happening. There was an important plot point towards the beginning, but most of this part could be cut out. It’s getting repetitive. Frankly, the last 100 pages (Part 4) looks like its gonna be one specific issue that isn’t related to the overall main conflict. I don’t know when SJM started writing this, but its been a while since ACOWAR was published, and ignoring ACOFAS… it’s been almost 6 years between books 3 and 4. I feel like this could have been fleshed out better considering the amount of time she had to think about the future.

-Part 4: Ataraxia (Pg 651-751): This was a little hunger games-ey, there was a trial that no one was expecting. The big threat that was tied over from ACOWAR and a major plot point was solved in a single (very short) chapter. Everything ended pretty much. There isn’t any issue that will lead into a future book.

-Overall: This book didn’t feel like a final draft. Either everything was not fleshed out enough, being very on the surface; or too much was included. I’m not disappointed, but I did expect a little bit more. Unless the synopsis for the future installments draws me in, I probably won’t be reading it on release day. There are 2 more full length books (#5,6), and one more novella (#3.2- is what it’s called on here). All I ask is that the next two books are NOT about Elain. Feyre getting it on, okay fine. Nesta, I’m here for it. I have zero interest in Elain and Lucien, give her a garden off the page and everyone will be happy. 3/5 stars.

[fireheartfaery]

Day 1: "What do you remember?"

Hello everyone and welcome to day one of what is sure to be a chaotic crackship challenge. I don’t expect this to blow up in anyway since i’m not really a writer for this fandom nor do i think most people in the sjm universe enjoy their crackships, so this is mostly for ***self indulgent*** reasons. That being said if you do enjoy, please drop a comment so that we can freak out about crackships together?

masterlist; my links

non-canon compliant, non descript AU

Aelin Galathynius has a raging hangover, and she cannot remember anything except darkness and hands hands hands.

Her legs stumble to the bathroom where she collapses next to the toilet and dry heaves the bad decisions she made yesterday. When she finally slumps onto the cool tile of the bathroom, she is shivering, but she doesn't feel like the inside of a whirlpool.

A soft knock sounds somewhere behind her and she doesn't have the energy to say come in, so she grunts and hopes it's enough. The door creaks open and then someone is leaning over her, hands gentle as they feel her forehead.

"Hello Firefly," That voice is made of cool waters and starry nights.

"I think I'm dying," She replies by way of greeting, "Will you let my girlfriend know I love her and I wanted to have her last name." Aelin is a sappy drunk, and a sappy sick person. She just loses all her ability to be charming and shameless.

"I'll tell her." Laughter glitters around the room like magic. "Anything else?"

"Do you know what happened last night?"

"What do you remember?"

"Nothing," She groans, squeezing her eyes shut. "Absolutely nothing."

"How about we get you to bed Firefly?" That voice is calming every frail nerve in her body.

"Okay," She holds her arms out. Two strong hands wrap around her back and then she is being hauled into the hair and held against a warm body. She feels a soft kiss against her hair and she snuggles deeper.

"I'm setting you down now angel,"

And then clouds are underneath her and she groans. This is what heaven feels like.

"Butterfly?" Her voice is already fading, exhaustion tugging at the edges of her vision.

"I'm here," She feels her girlfriend mold to her frame, arm slinging over her waist, hand threading through her hair.

"Let's never get drunk again," She slurs, sleep seconds away.

She hears Bryce laugh and she is convinced it's the most beautiful sound in the galaxy. She succumbs to the darkness.

***

Aelin wakes up to the sun casting an orange glow around their room and it makes the space look like the warm hearth of a fire. She feels her girlfriend behind her, breathing softly and a wave of gratefulness washes over her like heat.

"Butterfly," She taps the brown arm still around her waist. "Can you let me go, my love? "

Bryce just groans and buries her head into her back.

"I need to go to the bathroom, and we need to eat." Aelin holds in a laugh, reveling in the rare softness that her usually mouthy girlfriend is displaying.

"Are you gonna make me pancakes?"

"So demanding,"

"I cleaned up your vodka that found its way back up."

"Oh gods Bryce," She grumbles, "Did you really need to put that image in my head."

"You said you can't remember anything. I'm just trying to jog your memory."

"I'd prefer if you didn't." She scrunches her nose, "Actually I'd rather not know anything about last night. It's the easiest way to plead innocent."

"Who's accusing you of crimes?"

"I haven't checked the group chat yet, but I'd wager at least half our friends. Definitely those insufferable males."

She can feel her girlfriend smile, "Most of them were as fucked as we were."

"You seem fine?"

"I managed to get it all out of my system before you did. I spent half the night with my head down the hatchet."

Aelin intertwines their fingers, squeezing, "I think we're getting too old for this."

"Are you saying the Scandalous Sweethearts are losing their touch?" She feigns outrage, turning to look at the red-haired beauty in horror.

Bryce snorts at the nickname they'd been given by Hunt. "I'm saying we can't be as wild every time. Our livers are going to give up on us."

"You sound like Rowan." She teases.

A pinch at her side is the only answer. She yelps and uses the movement to escape.

"I'm putting cinnamon in the pancake batter."

Her girlfriends eyes, as deeply radiant and full of colour as the setting sun, widen comically. "You wouldn't dare."

The smirk Aelin gives her tells her she would.

Bryce tackles her to the floor. It's a wonder they ever get to pancakes, or dinner at all.

[gracereadstoomanybooks]

answering questions I’ve been asked on TikTok✨

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QUESTION: how did you get into reading?

So, when I was in middle school (many moons ago) we had this thing called AR Testing. Basically, you read a book and take a test on it—the questions were things that happened in the book, it was really simple. If you got a good grade, you got points. The more points you earned, the more eligible you were for the reading party at the end of each semester. Me, being the nerd I am, got top of my class because I went through 8th grade level books like it was nothing. The librarian at my school brought me books from the high school to read since everything was easy for me, and alas, my addiction began. And now that I have adult money, it’s a true addiction. Also, telling my father “I’m bored” and his response being, “go read a book or something” so thanks dad.

QUESTION: what’s one book you ALWAYS recommend to people?

This one is tough because I’ve read THOUSANDS of books, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be Confess by Colleen Hoover. I fell in love with her work in high school when I first read Ugly Love, but Confess is the type of book that pulls at your heart strings, y’all. It has everything people love: humor, sexual tension, drama, love. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK. Or honestly any book by Colleen Hoover—she’s a fucking amazing author.

QUESTION: outside of making TikToks, what do you do for a living?

I currently work at a restaurant and hate every second of it. If anyone tells you to become a server, DONT. It’s not worth the hassle, I promise you. Sure, you can make decent money but the amount of rude customers and shitty tips you receive each shift is very disheartening. If you really need a job, do anything BUT work in the food industry.

QUESTION: what’s your wattpad story about?

First question: which one? I have about 30 drafts sitting there waiting to be posted. But, I’m going to assume you’re talking about the Harry Styles fan fiction I’ve been working on for the past 4 years and haven’t had the courage to post. I’ll tell you a little about it: Elaine Aldridge is forced into a betrothal to a man she’s never met & loathes. She goes to his court and realizes things aren’t what they truly seem. And the guard her future husband sticks on her??? None other than Mr. Harry Styles. Add in some magic & deaths and you’ve got my story— The First Prince. (Honestly, that’s an extremely shitty description so if you wanna check it out go to my wattpad account)

QUESTION: how old are you?

Ahem. . . twenty-one.

QUESTION: what is your dream career?

Being a published author and having people rave about my books. That’s all. Or, an editor for a publishing company. Imagine reading all day and being paid for it🤩

QUESTION: what was your least favorite read of 2020?

I already KNOW I’m gonna get shit for this but....... the wicked king. YALL I LITERALLY COULDNT GET THROUGH IT IM SO SORRY, I STILL HAVENT FINISHED IT

QUESTION: current favorite author?

Sarah. J. Maas. I don’t know what it is about her writing style, but it’s addicting. Throne of Glass is hands down the best series I’ve ever read. A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first book I’ve EVER reread. Her stories truly suck you in and hold onto you—you get lost so easily in her writing and it’s like once you’re done with a series, nothing will compare. Or, at least that’s how I felt after finishing Kingdom of Ash. Honorable mentions: Jennifer L. Armentrout, Penelope Douglas, L.J Shen, Elle Kennedy and Kennedy Fox.

QUESTION: any recommendations/tips to give to a new reader?

I’ve always given this advice to people who want to get into reading: find what you like and start with that. If you like romance, I’ve got a list for you to choose from. Mystery? Another list. Sci-fi? I GOT YOU. Fantasy? Yes! Sports fiction? It might take me a second but I’ll find you a book. Nonfiction? I’m zero help in that category, honestly. The point of the matter is that you’re never going to enjoy a book if you aren’t interested in the underlying topics.

QUESTION: do you ever find yourself comparing your life to fictional life?

Yes. All the time. I daydream about being apart of the Inner Circle and living in Terrasen with Aelin and Rowan. I think about what it would be like to have real powers and a mate. It drives my boyfriend crazy—but he loves me anyway.

QUESTION: what are your most anticipated books of 2021?

Here’s a list:

A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

The Crown of Gilded Bones by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Gods and Monsters by Shelby Mahurin

Crescent City 2 (Untitled) by Sarah J. Maas

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer (I just ordered this one & it arrives tomorrow)

Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan

QUESTION: why did you start a Tumblr?

Honestly, I used to love tumblr when I was in grade school (way too young to be on here then but what else is new). I like having an extra space to get my questions and comments out without having to compress it into a 60 second video for TikTok to see. Tumblr is a good place to blog & post things like this.

QUESTION: what’s your favorite song right now?

I’ve listened to Carry You by Novo Amor every day for the past two months and I cry each time.

QUESTION: why write Harry Styles fan fiction?

Simple: I love Harry Styles. I’ve been a fan of him and One Direction since they were on X FACTOR. Read that again. X. Factor. I used to watch their performances on YouTube before WMYB even came out. Of course, I love all of the 1D boys but I was always a Harry gal. And I look up to him in a way—I’ve read things about people wishing they knew him personally and honestly? I would never want to meet him. I like the version of him I’ve cooked up in my brain over the past 10 years. I like the symbiotic relationship I have with his music. Fine Line is a ✨masterpiece✨. HS1 is a ✨work of art✨.

now, some topics I’ve been asked way too many times and want to finally get to:

QUESTION: political views?

the saying “anyone but trump” has been in my brain for the past four years. No, I’m not a republican. No, I’m not a democrat. I like to think of myself as a progressive (ahem, liberal) Did I vote for a democratic candidate? Yes, and I’d do it again and again until the US isn’t one of the worst countries—I’m sorry, businesses— to be apart of. I wanted Bernie but got Biden, and I’m alright with that. And my girl Kamala🥳

QUESTION: how did you feel about the BLM protests?

I went to multiple BLM protests and donated a lot of funds to BLM & other organizations. It’s 2021, people... stop being fucking RACIST. And don’t be afraid to call racist people out! Black Lives Matter, even if no one is posting about it anymore.

QUESTION: thoughts on abortion?

your body your choice, queen! not my uterus, not my problem.

QUESTION: there was a comment on an old video of yours talking about r*pe, why did you delete the comment?

I made a video when I first started my account on TikTok about reading in public and feeling “turned on” by it. Go watch it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. BUT, some ignorant male decided to comment and say “this is how girls get r*ped”. Whew. So. I deleted the comment because ....

I am a victim of sexual assault. Along with a lot of other women. 1 in 5 women have been victims of sexual assault. Talking about being r*ped isn’t funny.

No one else needed to see his comment. I reported it immediately and his account was shut down.

I never got justice for what happened to me, and the fact that some random male—who had never even met me or seen me before my video showed up on his FYP—had the nerve to comment that? Unacceptable.

this question isn’t as controversial but

QUESTION: what’s the best way to get out of a toxic relationship?

okay, let me just start off by saying that the people around you who love and support you are going to be your backbone. Leaving a toxic situation is hard, and every situation is different, but my best piece of advice to offer you is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your loved ones are going to be there for you when you need them, even if you don’t believe they will. If you explain what’s happening, someone you know and love will drop whatever it is their doing to make sure you get out safely. good luck my babes.

now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

QUESTION: any tips on making tiktoks?

Literally none. I post what I think is funny and relatable and if anyone agrees, I’m satisfied. Even if it’s one view, it’s good enough for me. So I guess my one tip is to not base your life off of an app and followers.

QUESTION: favorite Harry Styles fanfic?

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. Duplicity is up there, along with Stall 1&2, and Kiwi. After? Absolutely not.

QUESTION: favorite WEBTOON?

y’all already KNOW. LORE OLYMPUS BY USEDBANDAID. Rachel is a genius and I have reread the series a million times. Hades is my soulmate and Apollo can rot in the fiery pits of the Underworld. also, if we’re talking about other webcomics, reading Walk on Water on mangadex...🤫

QUESTION: favorite movie?

Howls Moving Castle. I will be getting my “a heart is a heavy burden” tattoo very very soon.

QUESTION: I read your Elain theory on tumblr, can you explain a little more?

I thought I was pretty straightforward but I’ll say it again: she is always the “good” one and it’s too suspicious. SJM has already given one Archeron sister a happy ending, Nesta’s is obviously inevitable, but Elain? She has too many options for a happy ending. Lucien, who is her “mate”. Azriel, who is intrigued by her slightly. Her human guy—I don’t remember his name—who is disgusted that she’s not human anymore. Or, alone, planting flowers all day. BUT! My point is that she’s not truly happy. She was forced into the Cauldron just like Nesta. She was ripped away from the life she loved so dearly and didn’t want to give up. The man she was going to marry now hates her guts because she’s a High Fae. She has the perfect set up for a villain plot line and I’m all here for it.

well, that’s all I feel like doing tonight. hope you enjoyed my little q&a! be kind, and talk to you later! byeeee!

[mysticalandenchanting]

Dahlias [1]

Part 1

Summary:

Elain and Azriel are happily married and about to begin their own little family to join they’re much bigger, louder family in Velaris. Sometimes, however they crave they’re own peace and quiet; a small vacation is exactly what they need before their bundle of joy takes over their lives and hearts. Peace is not found in the Night Court though, war brews and things take a devastating turn.

~~~~~

AN: This is my first story I’m posting to tumblr although I already have a couple wip’s going. So i guess, if you come across this and like it, let me know! This is just a short idea i had and worked for Elriel. Can you guess which other SJM couple this is based off?😈 This will probably only be around 4 parts.

~~~~~

Elain

“I need to get away,” I complained while sinking further into the pillows, “I can’t handle it here anymore.”

Azriel smiled at me, his eyes crinkling in a way that I loved. He tucks his wings back as he sits on the end of our bed in front of me, resting his hand on my leg, “You know they mean well, and trust me, I know better than anybody they can be too much—I spent 500 years with them.”

“Yes, but that was before my sisters came into the mix. Together they’re all insufferable.”

Azriel laughed, “Well, you know better than anybody how headache inducing they are to me as well; how much of Madja’s powder mix have I gone through over the years?”

I smiled at the memory of the gift I gave for our first Winter Solstice spent together. “It has become a reliable gift to give.” I looked to him hopefully, “So what do you say? A mini vacation to relax before our lives are too chaotic for breaks ever again?”

He hesitated, “I don’t know El, you know there’s a lot going on in the Night Court and with you so close it might not be safe.”

“Come on, Az,” I turned my doe eyes to him with a pout on my lip, “I could use the break—we could use the break.” I pleaded, moving my hand to my rounded stomach. “I still have a month left before our baby gets here, and we can just go up to the cabin where it’s totally safe.”

The stresses of being pregnant were getting to me what with living in a city in a house with all the others; I felt as if I could get no peace and quiet. The worst offenders being my sisters who have always been protective, I loved them but I didn’t know how to ask them to back off. I could not even enjoy my garden with it still being on the edge of winter.

“What if you go into labor?”

“It’s just for a week, and we will have plenty of time to get back if that happens—which it won’t.”

He took a minute to really think about it as I held my breath in anticipation. “Okay, fine.” He gave in, the corners of his mouth tugging up. I broke out a big smile, sitting up and reaching for him as he leaned forward and our lips met in a happy kiss, our baby giving a couple kicks. I couldn’t keep in my laugh at it as I put my hand over the area.

“Seems like we’re all excited.” Azriel looked between us in wonder before resting his hand over the area as well and feeling the kicks. No matter how many times it has happened, he always looked as if it was the first. It was a side of him that I couldn’t wait to see when the baby actually came and he saw him for the first time.

I leaned forward and caught his lips again, this time more gently, trying to express my love for him and for our little family that we were starting. We stayed like that for several moments, both with one hand on my belly and the other pulling each other closer. He leaned more forward, deepening the kiss, until he was lowering me back onto the pillows—

Just then a knock came loudly at our door. “Elain?” Feyre’s voice asked and I groaned in annoyance while Az laughed and removed himself from over me, going for the door.

“We’ll leave in the morning.”

~~~~~

This trip was exactly what I needed. Being out in the quiet mountain tops with no one but Azriel all to myself was therapeutic. The past two days have made me feel more calm and like myself than I had felt in months.

Feyre and Nesta had objected to our retreat from the family but after a quick statement of needing some quiet rest away from the city before the arrival of the baby they could hardly object, although they had suggested to tag along which I could not have declined quicker. Az and I had practically ran out afterwards.

I was enjoying some tea on the couch as Azriel looked over some paperwork at the table. There wasn’t very much for myself to do but I most definitely didn’t mind what with being so round in the middle.

I took a moment to admire all of Feyre’s paintings that took over the walls and furniture. They were all beautifully done and brought a comfort of nostalgia from the old house that we had lived in when the wall had still been up and we had resided on the other side of it. It was hard to believe we had come so far from that.

I looked over to my husband who just so happened to be looking back and smiled. I am so lucky to be where I am right now.

I opened my mouth to express that luck when suddenly his attention snagged elsewhere, not on any specific point in the room but a look I had grown familiar with when Rhys was saying something to him mentally. I waited to see what could be so important before suddenly Az was tensing at some unwanted information.

“Rhys needs me.” He looked to me, proclaiming.

“What is it?”

“An Illyrian camp has gone missing, up and vanished without a trace and he needs me and my spies to find it.”

“Vanished?” I asked confused, “How could they just vanish?”

“I don’t know. With the rebellion spreading, we have been tracking the threats extensively.”

“And this camp is a part of the rebellion?”

“Yes.”

I sighed, “Okay, you need to go.”

He stood and walked toward, seeming unsure what to do. “I can take you back to Velaris.”

“No,” I shook my head, “I’ll wait for you here. How long could it take to find them? They couldn’t have gotten that far.”

“You shouldn’t be alone while you're pregnant.”

“I’ll be fine. The cabin is well warded and will practically take care of me with its spells. It will be more hassle than it's worth to go home and come back when you return and I’m not ready to end our vacation.”

He hesitated again before deciding and touching the siphons on his hands so that his Illyrian leathers appeared on him and he went to retrieve his weapons. “Your not going to be fighting them are you? Rhys just wants you to find them?” I asked worriedly.

“Yes, don’t worry,” he strapped on Truth Teller and his sword before leaning over the couch and kissing me on the forehead, “I’ll be back tomorrow, I promise.”

He was going to find a dangerous camp of Illyrian warriors who hated him, how could I not worry? What if he got caught? My nerves started to get to me and I, struggling, got up from my spot on the couch and made my way to door to meet him.

“I love you and be careful, okay?” I said kissing him and opening the door for him.

“I will.”

I watched him walk out into the cold chill of the mountain before settling back on the couch with fluttering of nerves and kicking at my stomach.

~~~~~

Azriel

After meeting Rhys just before the Illyrian mountains, I flew low in the sky just as the sun was setting, perfect time to begin my search. I let my shadows encompass me, hiding me, as I followed the valleys deeper into the cold that whipped past my wings.

The Illyrians have been spreading wide in the mountains and steppes working to fortify it against us and the rest of the Night Court. After so much tension and anger after the war that spread and spread into all out rebellion, communication became nearly impossible. Rhys could have easily gone in with his power to distill fear into them but that would have earned him no respect and likely would have made things worse. There were too many of them to continuously keep in check and the wrath required to end this rebellion didn’t seem necessary when they had confined themselves to their own lands.

In the end, no matter how much hate we bore toward them and their ways, they were still our people. Killing them outright didn’t seem right in any way, so we have been doing our best to contain them and work our way to an understanding despite the huge differences in view.

Recently, though, they have been growing angrier and braver, encroaching lower into the lands of the Night Court. We have been preparing for an attack since and the disappearance of this camp was not a good sign.

Over the course of the cold night I flew to the last known location of the camp but finding no trails, I went to nearby camps. They were just as discorded with us as many other camps but I have been working my around that for years, building networks within each of those who did not agree with the rebellion. I met with a few, being careful to enter and exit secretly hidden almost completely by my shadows. All of them had very little idea where the camp went or how they had managed to keep their departure a secret.

After gaining very little intel and no general sense of direction, I decided to take to the skies again flying high to gain any sight of them. I started with south, in case our suspicions of attack were true, and worked outwards from there.

I flew most of the night but found nothing of the camp, a seemingly impossible disappearance considering several hundred resided with them and they had to settle somewhere to rest. In every direction for seemingly reasonable distances that could be travelled for a camp that departed only the night before there wasn’t anything.

I flew well into the day as the snow began to pick up until Rhys summoned me and I flew back to our meeting point.

“What have you found?” Rhys greeted looking tired and troubled. He had been reaching out with his magic to see if he could locate them from a much farther back location outside of Illyrian territory.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” I admitted, perturbed, “Nearby camps have no knowledge, they’re last known location completely abandoned with no tracks in any particular direction. With the amount of supplies they would have to travel with along with the amount of females in company, I tracked out as far as they could have gotten and found nothing.”

“This is worrying. If they attack, it might lead to civil war, and if all the rebel Illyrians evasive techniques are just as good, then we might not be able to nip it in the bud as I had hoped.”

“Where is Cas?”

“He is preparing some of our forces for a defense that can be transported easily enough wherever this camp shows up to.”

“and Mor?”

“Handling her father”

“And you haven’t sensed them anywhere?”

“No,” Rhys shifted looking back out to wide expanse of the Night Court, “I’ve been reaching out as far as I can and no signs. I’d hate to think either they were so far out of reach inland that I couldn’t sense them or they had some sort of spell protecting them.”

Both thoughts were not great options but both seemed viable at this point. “So what now?” I asked.

“What can we do but keep looking? We can’t take action against them until they are found or they attack.”

We both paused, realizing just how close the cusp of war was again. It’s not exactly that we were settled in perfect peace all this time but it was enough that we all had settled down into our own routines and families. Feyre and Rhys had a child, Nesta and Cassian were happily married, and me and Elain were about to have a baby.

“I need to get back to Elain.” The sun was setting and I had promised I would be back today, I couldn’t leave her on her own too long when she was so far into her pregnancy.  No matter how close war was I would not miss my baby’s birth.

“Of course,” Rhys nodded, still distracted, “Feyre and I will keep looking covertly and Cas can handle wherever they show up, you should focus on Elain and the baby.”

A mix of relief and worry flowed through me at that, both wanting nothing more than to focus on my wife and the weeks coming in that our baby would enter the world and not wanting to abandon the rest of them to the war we had so carefully been trying to avoid.

I simply nodded placing my hand on Rhys’s shoulder as he winnowed us back to the cabin.

The dark wind blasted us as we stepped through space but what waited on the other end was not the comfort of being close to Elain again, but fire. My heart stopped at the sight of the cabin blazing high into the sky, almost completely burnt to ashes and nothing more than a frame of what used to be there.

“Elain!” I scream as I ran forward as close to the cabin as I could get, looking everywhere around but there wasn’t anybody or anything in sight except the blazing cabin and the darkening sky where the snow fell and melted as it came into contact with the heat of the flames.

I was met with nothing but silence and I felt like I couldn’t breath. What had happened here? Where was Elain? She couldn’t have been…

I ran my hands through my hair as I barely glimpsed the horror on Rhys’s face before I was calling out again, “Elain! Elain!”

My hands start to shake and a horrible feeling grows in my chest and just when I don’t know what to do I look to the ground and see it all covered in a thin veil of snow. Most looked melted so close to the fire but it was still there. Tracks. Lots of them. Everywhere as if hundreds of people had came through here. Not a second after this realization, Feyre winnowed in, fear already written on her face as she took in the sight and covered her mouth with her hands. Right next to Rhys.

I knew without a doubt then that every ward on the cabin was, somehow, down.

The Illyrian camp had been here.

[wanderingpages]

sjm is on my nerves again tonight cause I just realized the mc mates made all of them come alive and realize life was worth living after nehemia/danika/feyre herself died. what ducked up misogynistic bs sj has to kill the hot best friend so some random asshole guy can come in and Wake Her Up Inside?

Hahaha wake me up (I can’t wake up) holy fuck what a song god it was before it’s time truly.

Idk who Danika is, I stopped caring about feyre half way through the second book ngl (but I still read to the end becuase I wasn’t mad about it I just wanted to know what happened. It didn’t really move me. My face was impassive mostly, occasional “huh, that was interesting I guess” but a whole lot of “why do they all think they’re more clever than they are???”(She didn’t fool anyone w her spying, LUCIEN BEEN KNEW FROM DAY ONE FFS(also fans, correct me if I’m wrong but shouldn’t nesta be The One, since she technically actually truly has hate in her heart for faes??))), but Nehemiah. Her death HURT me. Like what in all fuck. I want a rewrite where Nehemiah is the real ~~~~fireheart flaming bitch queen~~~~ like she was the only one who cared!!! About!!! Her people!!! but as an aside, did aelin ever even talk to Rowan about Nehemiah? I can’t for the life of me recall a scene like that but it’s been a while, maybe I skimmed it.

I don’t hate the books but they’re big enough for me to realize there are many things wrong. I do not like this best friend dying to further plot - further romantic plot- rip Sorcha too. Which is another thing, I can’t remember becuase I read the first 5/6 books at once then waited a year or whatever to read the last book and so much shit happened in the last book like I couldn’t even begin to keep up, but when Dorian started courting sorcha, did she say she had been the nurse tending the trios wounds since day one? Why the fuck did she not have a name until the same fucking book she died in???

Also side bar, idk why the whole thing about dorians dad not knowing his name made me go 🥴🥴🥴 cus why did I already know the kings name was also Dorian?? Was it obvious or did I transcend?? Either way it was such a lackluster plot twist (like the answer to the riddle being love lmao like ok) Idk anyways I don’t hate the books I just hate a lot of things In the books that just don’t add up (plus are cringe - tell me nah, did Rhys nut to the thought of his unborn child cus uhhhhh okay anyways)

[secretlynestaarcheron]

Chapter Nineteen + Twenty

The Selection AU - ACOTAR 

Tagged:  @justgiu12 @blxckbeaks @justabunchoffandomtrash-blog @swagbookmaster @my-fan-side @heyitsrhysand @lovelynesta @acourtofmarauders @illyrianwitchling13 @sjm-things @superspiritfestival

Enjoy :) 

Chapter Nineteen: Nesta 

Nesta rolled in her sleep again facing the window, the moon was peaking through the sheer curtains brightening her room enough that she wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep even if she tried. She was worried about her sisters, they had barely moved in when she had to leave, she should have stayed home. Why did she even come back? 

She pushes off the covers, sliding on her slippers and shuffling over to the vanity where she takes a seat in front of the mirror. She knew it would be good for her to be here, she knew the final push to come back was someone rather than something. The airplane and the kiss gave her the courage she needed to go to Rhysand and pull herself from the competition. 

She wanted him more than she wanted anything else. Rhysand could help with the schools but with her new status she could too. She could do it on her own but she wanted to do it with Cassian by her side but at dinner when he didn’t look at her and when spoke as little as possible with her she knew something had shifted. 

Nesta grabs the brush she brought with her, it was her mother’s she had found when packing up her father’s belongings. She ran it through her dark blonde curls, the hair her mother had passed down to her. The moonlight sparkling in the eyes of her father, the anger littering behind them was a constant reminder for her not to be like him. 

She wondered if Cassian had someone already in the palace, if that's why he spoke to her and looked at her that way outside of the palace, the kiss was a mistake. She bite her lip, setting the brush on the counter again and turning to grab her shawl. She couldn’t think of him that way. She needed to think that it was real. 

She wrapped her shawl tightly around her frame as she moved to her door, she didn’t know if she was allowed to go down to the kitchens but she would try, she needed some hot tea to help her mind calm down. She would officially be back in the competition tomorrow being sent off to woo the prince’s guests so she would need to be on her best behavior. 

“What are you doing awake?” Cassian asks just above a whisper from where he was leaned against the wall across from her door. A stack of papers in his hand as he was shuffling through them his voice muffled by the pencil in his mouth. 

She pulls the shawl tighter around her torso, his eyes following the motion before flickering back up to her eyes. “You should go back in your room, it's not safe for you to be out here,” he retorts, looking back down at his papers as if dismissing her. 

Her lips fall into a straight line, if he changed his mind that would be one thing but dismissing her like this and being cold towards her wouldn’t fly. “I have permission to be up this late,” she replies, turning on her heel and moving down the hall. 

There’s a beat of silence before he questions, “The prince has requested to see you?” 

She pauses midstep, she just wanted him to think it, she didn’t want to actually confirm or deny. “If you weren’t ignoring me, perhaps I would have told you my nightly plans,” she retorts coyly, not bothering to look back to see his reaction before disappearing down the hall. She’s glad he doesn’t follow her, it gives her hopes that he didn’t want to see her with the prince. He actually cares. 

She sees a few guards along the way who don’t say anything, slipping into the kitchen and quickly making two mugs of tea before heading back to her room where Cassian still stood across from her door, this time his back and shoulders tense as he ruffled through his work. 

“Here,” she says and he turns around quickly to see her. She chuckles when she sees the surprise written across his features. She nods towards the mug, his eyes flickering to it before taking it from her. “What good are you if you are just going to let someone sneak up on you?” 

He puts the stack of papers under his arm and she glances at the name at top: Rita. He was looking into her, did he hear what she heard last night? That she was planning something with the prince's cousin? “This was your nightly plan? Getting tea? You should have told me I would have gone with you, it's not safe walking around these halls by yourself,” he retorts. 

She takes a long sip of her own tea pondering what she was going to say. “And I would have been perfectly safe walking to the prince’s room by myself?” she pauses, speaking before she could lose her nerve. “Or perhaps there was another reason keeping you from escorting me.” 

He pauses, looking down at the mug, his eyes intent. “I think you know why I couldn’t without me having to say anything aloud,” he retorts. 

She moves across the hall towards her door, sliding down so she is sitting across from him, he looks around the hall before sitting down as well. She felt so far away from him and they were barely four feet apart. “I know, but it’s nice to be reassured especially with you ignoring me,” she responds. 

He looks down the hall before glancing back at her, his eyes dark and narrow as if there were so much more to the story than what he's already told her. She was pressing him on a subject he couldn’t talk about so she would press him on another one. “What was your childhood like,” she murmurs. 

“Really?” he asks, she wonders if anyone besides his close friends cared enough to ask. 

“There’s so much I don’t know about you,” Nesta replies. “I want to know all of you.” 

His lip twitches up in a smile, it wasn’t mischievous or smirking, it was a smile that she hadn’t seen before. “I was a six-,” 

“And you lived at the palace, how was that possible?” Nesta interrupts, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her hands around the mug. 

He chuckles, “Do you skip forward in your books as well? I didn’t realize you were so impatient,” he retorts and she gives him an apologetic smile. “My mom was a housekeeper for a palace guard and his wife and my dad might as well have been dead. The guard and his wife had trouble getting pregnant, she lost four babies in the span of seven months, they gave up after that.” 

Nesta frowns, she couldn’t imagine going through such a loss, she remembers how hard it was for her mother to get pregnant with Feyre. How hard it was on both her parents. “When I would come and help my mother, he would teach me how to fight, saying that I was like a son to him,” Cassian pauses. “So when my mom passed away they took me in, adopting me right away.” 

“I am so sorry about your mother,” Nesta says, wishing she could reach out and comfort him. 

“She was in a lot of pain, it was a relief when she finally passed,” Cassian says, turning away from Nesta’s glance as if ashamed for his words. 

“I understand that feeling, I would hear my mom coughing up unable to breath through the night for weeks before she died, I remember when she passed away it was the first night I slept through the night completely. I felt guilty in the morning,” she replies. 

He looks at her now in understanding like something was connecting them together. “How’d you get through it?” he asks. 

She shrugs, “I don’t really think I have, it's hard since my sisters were too hard to remember, I don’t want to taint what memories they did have of her of the last one I have of her,” she replies, pushing a strain of hair behind her ear. “I think just knowing that she isn’t in pain anymore helped a lot.” 

He nods, “Yeah, it was really hard for the first few months but then he started taking me to work with him, that’s when I met Rhysand and Mor. Everything started to look better,” he adds. “Too bad that didn’t last.” 

She pauses mid sip, setting the cup on the ground next to her as she leans forward. “What do you mean it didn’t last? If you're unhappy here why don’t you leave?” she asks curiously. 

“I think you know better than others that you can’t just stop and do something else,” Cassian retorts, a new edge to his tone that she knew wasn’t directed towards her. His eyes flicker to hers. “It’s even worse here, I would think clearly before you make a decision on whether you should stay or not. It’s not a door to freedom.” 

Nesta opens her mouth to ask more but there’s a crash down the hall and Cassian stands up abruptly. “You should go back into your room,” Cassian says, not bothering to look her way again as he moves down the hall. She slips back into her room, waiting by the door until she hears him come back. She doesn’t. 

~*~

“Lady Nesta.” 

Nesta stirs, blinking up at the ceiling, pushing herself into a sitting position. Beatrice peaked her head through the doorway and was staring down at where Nesta was blocking the door. “Oh, I am sorry,” Nesta says, standing up and dusting herself off as Beatrice and Hanna walk in. 

“Are you okay? Why were you at the door? Did you hear-,” Hanna stops talking when Beatrice elbows her in the rib giving her a pointed look. “Sorry, I am not supposed to say anything.” 

Nesta swallows the noise last night that Cassian went to investigate. She didn’t hear him come back, she looks out the window and sees the mug she gave him still sitting on the ground across the hall. “Was there an attack?” Nesta asks, shutting the door, if it was open any longer she would be tempted to go find him herself. “My guard went to go investigate last night.” 

Beatrice shakes her head as if in a “look what you did” fashion, turning away from Hanna and facing Nesta, “Yes, some rebels got in last night. Only a few but someone had helped them. Two were caught but they suspect more are already in the palace. We weren’t supposed to say anything to the ladies,” Beatrice replies.

“I won’t say anything, promise,” Nesta replies, she didn’t have any friends here anymore so she didn’t have anyone to tell. “Is my guard alright?” 

“They didn’t tell us about anyone being hurt or captured,” Hanna retorts, as she begins to ruffle through Nesta’s dresses picking out a light blue and holding it up for approval. Nesta shrugs, she honestly didn’t care what she wore anymore, she only wanted to know if Cassian was okay. 

She also couldn’t help the curiosity she had about the lack of freedom he mentioned, what was he going through? “Nesta?” 

Nesta hums as she turns towards Beatrice who was looking at her expectantly. “How would you like your hair?” she asks again, gesturing for Nesta to sit down in front of the mirror. 

“It's fine the way it is,” Nesta replies and she can see Beatrice shaking her head through the reflection in the mirror, lifting up the knotty hair at the base of her neck. 

“You slept on the floor, at least let me put it in a simple braid,” Beatrice replies and Nesta nods, her thoughts clouded by more important things than how to wear her hair. They help her get ready, slipping on the blue dress and tying back her hair. 

She steps out the door not being about to prolong her presence in the women’s room any longer. She can’t help but glance down at the cup as she makes her way down the hall. The actual cup itself was gone but there was still a ring on the floor that hadn’t been cleaned. She didn’t know why she had this creeping feeling that something bad was going to happen but she just wanted to see him. 

The women’s room was quiet, only seven girls were littered around the room chatting quietly or reading magazines. Rita stood by the window glancing down towards the castle gardens. Nesta hadn’t noticed how many girls were either sent home or requested to go home while she was away. “Good morning,” she says quietly as she approaches Rita but he jumps nonetheless, moving away from the window the curtain falling but a small sliver allows Nesta to see Tamlin and a few guards outside practicing fighting. 

Nesta couldn’t help but wonder if those guards were rebels in disguise. “I am glad you are still talking with me, I hoped that since you followed me you would want to be a part of the cause,” Rita says in hushed tones, her golden eyes flickering up to where the Queen was seated. 

She was surprised, she didn’t expect Rita to give up her secret so easily. She expects naivety or aggression, not recruitment.  “What are you planning, Rita?” Nesta asks hushed, glancing over at the girls sitting on the sofa nearest them. “People are going to get hurt.” 

Rita’s eyes narrow and she grabs Nesta’s arm, pulling her out of the women’s room and out into the hall. Nesta felt a wave of panic but as soon as they were out of sight Rita let go. “People are already hurt, kind people who need a fighting chance, you should know that better than anyone else,” Rita snarls. 

“But an abush? What good is that going to do?” Nesta retorts. 

“We aren’t hostile, we aren’t going to hurt anyone, you are confusing us with the southern rebels,” Rita replies, but from what she knows about Tamlin and Tomas she would beg for a difference. “As long as everything goes as plan we are just using the selection as a way for our voices to be heard.” 

Nesta’s eyes narrow and she asks, “As long as everything goes as planned? What could go wrong?”

“Someone might have leaked the attack information with the northerns, we are doing our best to keep them from hijacking but there’s a chance they-,” 

“If there’s a chance then call it off,” Nesta retorts, interrupting her. “This isn’t worth endangering innocent lives, you can take a stance some other way, some other time.” 

Nesta watches the flames rise behind her eyes. “This is the only chance we have,” she retorts, completely lost to reason, Nesta knew that she would fight until the world burned down. Rita doesn’t wait for another argument, turns and storms away. That was the last time Nesta would see her for the rest of the evening. 

~*~

“Cassian,” Nesta breathes when she sees him leaning against the wall by her bedroom door. She hadn’t seen him all day hoping to catch a glimpse of his at dinner but being disappointed. He looks up and smiles at her. “I was worried.” 

He cracks a smile at that. “You shouldn’t have been, I deal with this kind of stuff all the time,” he replies. 

She stops a few feet in front of him, unsure if they were still keeping their distance. He looks like hes about to move closer. “I spoke with Rita this morning,” she says and he stops mid step, falling back to examine her face. 

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he replies. 

Nesta rolls her eyes. “She wouldn’t have told you anything and it would raise too many suspicions if you brought her in to interrogate her,” she says happily when she sees him nod in agreement. “She's northern, they don’t plan to attack, they just want to use this as a way to promote their cause.” 

Cassian gives her a tight smile. “Why do I sense more to this?” 

“Because there is, they don’t plan on being aggressive but whoever leaked their plans to the southerns does, they believe the southerners are planning on using this to attack,” Nesta explains, his face paling as he runs a hand through his hair. She hadn’t realized how unruly it actually was and how it began to curl at the end, he always kept it nice and neat at the palace. 

“Anything else?” Cassian asks. 

She shakes her head. “She stopped being so friendly when she realized I wasn’t in support of risking innocent lives,” she replies. 

Two guards run down the hall and Cassian turns around to face them, grabbing one's arm to stop him before asking, “What’s going on? Where are you rushing?” he asks. 

The guard looks young, Nesta bet he was only eighteen or nineteen, he looked frightened. “There’s a group of them, storming- we have to get to the gate. The family has already been swept away,” he says hurriedly, looking to where the other guard had kept running. 

Cassian looks distraught as he turns towards her before looking back at him. “Take Lady Nesta to a lockdown room then find Amren, tell her it’s a code black and to find me by the gate,” he orders the guard nodding his head before looking over at Nesta. Cassian turns back to her opening his mouth to say something but no words come out. 

“It’s okay, go,” she replies, not trying to show any emotion that the young guard could feed off of. “Be careful.” 

He nods, “I’ll see you soon,” he replies, before turning and running down the hall. She wondered if she would see him soon or if she would ever see him again. She feels a nudge on her arm and looks over at the guard. “Are you ready, Lady Nesta?” 

She nods, letting him lead her away. Swallowing the lump in her throat and the nerves that were beginning to arise. They move through the halls, Nesta looking over her shoulder at every small noise, jumping when they turn the corner to see a few more guards run by. 

Trigger Warning: intention of sexual abuse/violence

“Captain Amren!” the guard leading her yells, causing a short brunette to turn at the sound of her name. “Captain Cassian asked me to-,” 

She moves away from them, their voices muffled by the faint yells of the guards outside. She catches a glimpse of a window and she can see smoke. She moved into the room, pushing the curtain back, guards littered the yard while men and women were climbing over the walls dropping torches on anything that would burn. 

She wonders where Cassian was, if he was out there in the fires or somewhere equally as dangerous. She turns to move back towards the guard, they should keep moving, but when she turns she finds herself trapped by a tall man with a wicked grin. “I was hoping I would stumble upon a pretty thing like you,” he growled, her back being pushed against the cold windowsill which was grounding with his hot breath pressing against her neck. 

She squirms, moving to push him but his hands wrap around her wrists easily, she lets out scream which causes the man to chuckle. “There’s no one out there that will hear, I had to take care of them when I saw you slip in here,” he says causing a wave of true panic spreading through her. If - when she got away she wouldn’t know where to go. 

“I love the wide eyed innocent type,” he grins and Nesta wants to punch the smirk off of his face. Her eyes are white with anger as she moves against him wildly trying to break his grip. Memories flood her of her father’s abuse, her feet frozen on the ground. 

She acts quick, stomping on his toe, which catches him off guard enough that she frees one of her hands. She’s sloppy with her movements, moving quickly, but his grip on her other wrist tightens pulling her back towards him. He moves a hand to hit her again, she flitches ready for impact but he stops. 

She turned towards the doorway, Tomas stood in the door frame, his face contorted with anger. “This isn’t what we are here to do, Don,” Tomas spits out. “Now drop the girl and get on with the attack, we are running out of time.” 

Don turns back towards Nesta, she could tell he was angry at being interrupted, but he pushes her to the ground. Her head slamming against the bed frame as her wrist slams against the hard ground. She keeps her head low as Don walks past Tomas slamming him with his shoulder as he moves by. 

Tomas glances down at her, “To the left down the hall, the painting of the women is a shelter, pull at the frame. Once in you will be sealed shut, but they will come looking for you,” he says. 

She nods in thanks, not trusting her voice, he looks away not bothering to send her another glance before disappearing. She pushes herself up, refusing to let herself wonder what would have happened if Tomas Mandray hadn’t shown up, clutching her wrist as she moves down the hall, ripping back the picture frame only allowing herself to shed a tear once she is sealed completely in the dark. 

If skipped last section: Nesta is able to get away before anything happens, only a few minor injuries (bruised forehead and wrist), with the help of Tomas. 

Chapter Twenty: Cassian 

“If you weren’t off doing whatever with that mistake of a selected perhaps this wouldn’t have happened,” the King yells, slamming his fists against the table, Cassian glances over at Rhysand whose face is contorted in a look of rage and annoyance. 

“I ordered him there to protect her, she could be my future Queen, father,” Rhysand returns. 

The King turns back and eyes his son, his lips creeping up into a snarl. “This attack caused the actual queen to end up in the hospital wing,” the King retorts. Rhysand face dropped, he didn't know that. “And no, I don’t know if she’s going to be okay. It was very traumatic for her.” 

Rhysand turns to Cassian. “Go check on the injured and the selected,” he says and Cassian nods turning on his heel and trying not to run out the door. He finds Amren quickly, he could hear her bossing people around from a mile away. “How many injured?” he asks. 

Amren turns towards him and sighs before saying, “Twenty-five and counting, we’re finding them all over the place. Some of the southerners started attacking once they saw the northerners so we were being attacked from all angles.” 

He had pushed the gates with a few other men, trying to keep them from the main entrance as best he could. He hadn’t seen how bad it really was. “And the selected, were they able to get into the lock down in enough time?” 

Amren glances down at her clipboard scanning for their names he assumed. “It looks like they all were found, two have already been taken home only wanting to be with their families and three have asked,” she retorts. 

“Which girls?” Cassian asks, hoping he doesn’t hear Nesta’s name, he couldn’t lose her but if she was one of the final two left there was a chance he could lose her even worse. 

Amren flips through the pages, her eyes scanning, until she stops on a page. “Oh,” she says, biting her lip. “It looks like we’re still unaccounted for one girl.” Amren flips through the pages again as Cassian abruptly stops and turns towards her. “It looks like we still haven’t found Nesta Archeron, her guard was attacked and left unconscious in a hall by her bedroom.” 

“Have all the rooms been checked?” he asks. 

“They’re checking them now but Cas-,” he doesn’t hear her finish since he’s already running the hall. He moves through the halls quickly, her and the guard hadn’t gotten far. He should have taken her himself, made sure she was safe himself. He cursed under his breath as he moved past her room to the hallway across from him. He stops short when Rhysand is helping someone out of the lock down room hidden by a painting, no one should have known about that room. It wasn’t even supposed to be in use anymore. 

He doesn’t recognize Nesta at first, she seems small as she blinks up at Rhysand who was talking with her. She shrugs in response, lifting a hand to the bruise forming on her forehead, as Rhysand waves down a few guards to escort her away. 

Rhysand runs a hand through his unruly hair turning and stopping mid stride when he sees Cassian. “What are you doing down here? How are the guards? Hopefully nothing too bad,” Rhysand questions, the first time in a long time Cassian couldn’t hear the cool edge he always kept to his voice. 

Cassian blinks away from where Nesta was being helped down the hall and looks at Rhysand. “I saw that one of the selected was unaccounted for and I saw her around here before I left, I wanted to make sure she was okay,” he responds. 

Rhysand nods, “She told me a little bit, one of the rebels found her and pushed her down. She was able to get away with the help of another rebel, Tomas Mandray. Do you recognize the name?” he asks. 

“I’ve heard it in passing,” Cassian responds, trying to hold the rage down, he should have been there for her but his first priority would always have to be the royal family, isn’t that why he hadn’t had a serious relationship before? 

“They all wanna go home, some of them already went home,” Rhysand blurts. “The competition is over.” 

Cassian gives him a tight smile, “I am sure it isn’t over,” he replies. 

“The only one who hasn’t asked to go home is Nesta, who is bound to once she’s been cleared from the hospital, and even then she was never a contender,” Rhysand replies in passing, “Everything is falling apart. I knew this was a bad idea the first time my dad brought it up.” 

Cassian blinks. “What do you mean she wasn’t a contender? Why did you keep her here?” 

Rhysand snorts, shaking his head. “I kept her here because she was going to help me build better programs for the lower caste and also because of you,” he retorts. “I am not as obvious as the two of you originally thought.” 

“I didn’t-,” 

“I am not mad, why do you think I requested that you stay with her?” Rhysand responds. Cassian looks at him dumbfounded. “Go see her, I’ll call Feyre. Let them know that I am sending a car to bring them here.” 

Cassian nods and makes his way to the hospital wing. They had put her in a room by herself, which was good, she probably wouldn’t have gotten much sleep if she was out with all the injured guards. She was asleep when he arrived so Amren would come to him with any questions, he knew that she was curious as to why he was there seated next to Nesta waiting for her to wake up but she didn’t ask anything. He was glad. 

“Cassian?” 

He looks up from the papers he was going through, Amren had dropped them off an hour ago. One of the rebels had anonymously given them the plans. How they knew where to come and how to get in. “You’re awake,” he replies, setting them on the table and leaning on his elbows so he was closer to him. “I was worried.” 

She chuckles, blinking around the room and over towards the IV. “How do you feel?” he asks. 

“Like I was pushed over and got my head slammed by a bed post,” she retorts, lifting a hand to her forehead and wincing at the pressure. “What happened? How do you feel?” 

He shakes his head bewildered by this strong woman in front of him. “I am fine, there were a lot of injuries but nothing we can’t handle. It could have been a lot worse,” he replies, reaching forward to lightly graze the bruise forming on her wrist. “When you're ready I need to know what happened. I have to put it in the report.” 

Cassian notices her gaze shift upward as she swallows the lump in her throat. “It makes me feel weak, reminds me that I am still broken,” she replies with a small shrug. 

“You aren’t weak, you being here right now proves your strength,” he replies wondering why he couldn’t see what he sees. She sniffles and shakes her head, turning towards him, giving him a small smile. “Thanks,” she replies, “But when it comes down to it, I only got away because Tomas had a stroke of kindness. I was frozen in fear, back when my father drank too much.” 

He wraps his hand in hers, pulling her full attention towards him. “You lived through that and now you live through this, that’s strength,” he replies earnestly, “I’ll help you through this, I’ll do what I can to build you back up.” 

There’s a knock on the door and Rhysand peaks his head in. “I am sorry to interrupt,” he says and Cassian sits back pulling his hand away from hers. He had Rhysand’s permission in a sense but it still felt wrong. “Nesta, your sisters will be arriving in two hours.” Rhysand turns towards Cassian, his eyes dark with emotion as he nods towards the door. “Can I have a word with you?” 

Cassian stands up, turning back towards Nesta. “I’ll be right back,” he says before stepping out into the hallway with Rhysand. “What’s wrong?” 

“My father was in shock, he didn’t know-,” Rhysand pauses, running a hand through his hair. “He was badly injured, the anger or adrenaline or whatever, caused him not to know that he stabbed. He thought it was just a flesh wound, didn’t think anything of it.” 

Cassian’s eyes narrow. “What are you saying?” 

“My father is dead, Cassian. I am the king,” Rhysand spits out.

Only one or two chapters left. Once I finish I will then finish Cold As Ice. Sorry for the delay, I am moving back to school and its been a weird adjustment. 

[valamerys]

I really enjoy your blog so is it okay if I ask you top 10 pet peeves in novels? It can be tropes or even a niche moment in a particular book. I like writing myself and would appreciate the help.

hmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM sure, I can come up with some things! bear in mind I read almost exclusively fantasy, and mostly “low” ie not game of thrones fantasy at that, including a loooot of YA, so my items will reflect that.

Top (YA, Fantasy) Fiction Pet Peeves:

1) Unnecessary post-apocalyptic setting  WHY THE FUCK. DO PEOPLE KEEP DOING THIS. WHAT DOES THIS GAIN ANYONE. WHAT IS THE POINT. Red Queen, The Selection, The Queen of the Tearling, and that weird TV show The Shanarananaharahahananaaa Chronicles all do this. It’s, frankly, a cheap-ass bid for Dark and Gritty points, and also an excuse to set things in America But Fantasy, and it’s always bad and awkward. This isn’t planet of the apes, just make your damn fantasy world; you don’t have to try to make it more ~realistic~ by putting the ruins of the statue of liberty in the background. That’s stupid and you’re stupid.

2) One-note characters  Mostly present via The Bitch or The Bully stereotype, but also seen in The Bratty Brother, The Sweet Sister, The Spacey DGAF Parent, and the Eccentric Wise Elder. I get that there’s not time to flesh out every single person your protagonist comes into contact with, but certain archetypes are so fucking boring and done to death that I tune out immediately. It’s not 2004 anymore. The game has evolved. We can do better. We can be more interesting.

Related to the sweet sister trope, I’d like to bring up this text post from my other blog:

3) When the protagonists’ actions/ choices do not affect the plot  Alright, this one isn’t even a pet peeve, it’s basic narrative construction. Your story is supposed to be about your protagonist (or your two or three protagonists, in a multi-pov story, but for simplicity’s sake we’ll talk about one) and their arc, how they change and grow. a) If their actions never have consequences, how the fuck do they, like, learn things? and b) if their actions have no bearing on the climax of the story, how the fuck does the story demonstrate that they’ve changed, or come to a meaningful conclusion that’s related to that? Sure there’s weird literary exceptions, and certainly some fantasy in particular is more plot than character driven, but if your character is honestly never proactive, particularly through the ending of the book, uh, i have a major problem and so should you.

4) The Mandatory Feminism Stuff  we should all know these by now. “Not Like Other Girls” is bad. Hating on corsets and other femme paraphernalia is bad (and moreover i personally resent it because I love corsets). A book with a female protagonist and no other important female characters (or only evil female characters) is bad. A high fantasy series that builds its worldbuilding on a raging patriarchy for the purpose of elevating a few specific women into positions of power for superficial RAH RAH FEMINISM points while not addressing systematic oppression is really, really bad. Defining female empowerment as only one thing (IE picking up a sword and Proving Yourself just as badass as all those scoffing men!!!) is bad. I’m very tired and I want to read about women-- different kinds of women, with different moral alignments and interests and abilities and ethnic backgrounds and ages and sexualities and beliefs-- helping each other and being forces in the world and in each others’ lives. That’s it. That’s all I want. I have no clue why that’s so elusive.

5) Characters being flippant to the point of stupidity because........ that’s cool, i guess?  Homygod, I am so sick to my teeth of characters who would get their asses kicked IRL for being obnoxious and overly glib be appraised with “wow, you’ve really got some nerve! I like you, kid!” or some variation therof. Mouthing off to superiors/ royalty? Charging into a fight on a stray heroic impulse despite everyone with a brain and their mom telling you you’re going to die because you just picked up swordfighting on tuesday? flagrantly and thoughtlessly disregarding engrained cultural things because they don’t align with your conveniently 2017 sense of social justice despite you living in an analogue-medieval world? Not cute. It will get you fucking killed. If your character doesn’t seem to grasp that, I’m going to think they’re a dumbshit, and if the book rewards rather than punishes that, I’m not going to take it very seriously. (obviously there are exceptions to this, particularly if your world doesn’t take itself very seriously, but if you expect to instill a real sense of danger in day-to-day life, your protagonist doesn’t get to be exempt from that because they’re hot and witty.)

6) Also, characters being stubborn. This goes with my last point, because it’s another trait people seem to think is like cool, or something? That stubborn people are stubborn because they’re Strong? that it’s a flaw but it’s actually a Cool Flaw, like in job interviews when they ask your weakness and you say “i’m just TOO hard of a worker, ha ha ha”? U see this a lot in female characters written by people who are uncomfortable writing female characters, i think because, again, it mistakenly reads as Strength on some really superficial level, and because the banter and petty conflict that arises from it temporarily distracts from weak overall characterization. If you’re going to write a character being stubborn, that’s great! But understand that a) it’s a real flaw that can genuinely blind them to good ideas and cause unnecessary friction that shouldn’t be treated as endearing, b) it’s not a replacement for other elements of characterization!! and c) it’s the flipside of being assertive, which is a good thing: no trait is only a flaw or a strength, and so any trait a character possess in abundance should both help and hinder them at different times, with maturity level tempering the bad, to a degree. stubbornness is no different.

7) Sexual assault (or the threat of it) all over the fucking place. Do i have to explain this one? Of course ownvoices books about sexual assault survivors are good and necessary but we are all sick to death of "fun” fantasy worlds where the female characters exist under the constant and unending threat of rape, where sexual assault is common as window dressing and the love interests are Super Special Feminist Snowflakes for being so revolutionary as to take consent into account. fuck that. that should be the bare fucking minimum. i am so tired.

8) The Six-Pack Sex Appeal Golem  Honestly, I am not here to hate on love triangles, because I am ALL ABOUT the romance and the more the merrier. But what i do really, really loathe is the incredibly narrow parameters that have come to exist for male love interests, to the point where they all tend to feel like the same guy in need of anger management: a little broody, smart, serious, jealous and protective to a fault, if we get his POV we get real creepy sexual thoughts out of nowhere while he acts vaguely standoffish and probably a little patronizing to a woman whose Attitude gives him a boner. This man does not experience emotions that can’t be interpreted as darkly sexual, or possibly A Little Bit Vulnerable, just for that one scene of mandatory backstory reveal. I recently reviewed a real bad romance novel and described the hero as “a barely-consistent golem of toxic masculine ideals” and that’s what I’m talking about here. MAKE YOUR LOVE INTERESTS WELL-ROUNDED AND UNIQUE CHARACTERS LIKE ALL YOUR OTHER CHARACTERS. Forget what’s “sexy,” I wanna see the male love interests be Soft and Weird and cry in an unattractive way. For further reading/ a great case study of the Masculine Golem, please just read this article about how abysmal the romance in ROAR is. (For what it’s worth, I actually think SJM manages to avoid this in the ACOTAR series. Rhys and Tamlin suck but they are still mostly consistent characters, not just shells inhabited by the spirit of heterosexuality. your mileage may vary, though.)

9) Secret Superpower/ She Was The Missing Princess/ Queen All Along  I think this is a trend that’s slowly but surely passing from YA, but for a while you couldn’t throw a rock in a bookstore without hitting a trilogy where a long-lost missing princess was established in chapter 1 and you spent the whole fucking first book knowing the orphaned heroine with a murky past was gonna turn out to be the princess and you were always right. Queens are also a huge fucking thing right now, although they don’t tend to follow that exact formula. See also the character’s discovery of a superpower catapulting them into a new exciting life-- basically any discovery of a Cool Sexy birthright as a catalyst for a plot is kind of played out and boring, at this point in time? This ties into my earlier point about wanting characters’ choices to shape the plot; it’s so much easier to have them reacting to external forces, especially dramatic, aesthetic ones, i get that, but you’ll get a more original and interesting story the more you resist that urge. And everyone is fucking tired of secret princesses and can spot them a mile away, y’all.

10) OMG magic is outlawed!!! BUT WAIT THE PROTAGONIST HAS SECRET MAGIC! CAN SHE RISE ABOVE PERSECUTION AND HER PROBABLE ROMANCE WITH THE PRINCE OF THIS POORLY-THOUGHT-OUT TOTALITARIAN REGIME TO LEAD ALL MAGIC-HAVERS TO FREEDOM AND ACCEPTANCE???? If you do this i’m going to come to your house and pour a cup of soda on your head. This is dumb and I can’t believe I’ve seen it multiple times. I’m not even explaining this it should be obvious.

Honorable mentions go to: Excessive mentions/ descriptions of eye color, really tired ways of describing kissing, elemental magic is super fucking overdone, instalove, and Training Montages

[rowaelin-herondale]

All This Time - An Elriel Fic - Chapter 4

Summary:  Slow burn Elriel fic taking place two years after the defeat of Hybern. Elain decides to reject her mating bond to Lucien, only to find that what she had been looking for was in front of her all along. Chapters 1. 2. 3. AO3 link. A/N:  A little over a year ago, I told my friend Becky (@rsrosenberg​) to pick up a SJM book. This past month, she finished reading ACOWAR and Empire of Storms, completing her read of every published SJM book to date. This chapter is for you, my dear, for giving me someone to fangirl over the Night Court with every day of the week.

———————————

He hadn’t been able to put his finger on it, on the light that surrounded her. But it came to him then, swift and fierce and perfectly obvious. She was moonlight. ******

Azriel’s first thought was he needed to take several steps back from Elain. It went against everything he felt, every instinct he had, to take those three steps back. But he knew if he didn’t, Lucien could act before Elain said a single word. Fighting the anger that burned deep within, Azriel gripped the top of his blade, still in the holder on his hip, and took those steps away from her. She turned to face Lucien fully, standing tall. Only moments ago she was panicking, but there was no hint of that fear now as she looked at her mate. Her strength made Azriel want to kneel at her feet.

Without taking her eyes off Lucien, she said, “Azriel, you can leave.”

“I’m not leaving you,” he responded reflexively. He didn’t even realize he had spoken aloud until Lucien turned his stare towards him.

“You will,” Elain said, her gaze still focused on Lucien. “I’ll be okay.”

“Elain,” Lucien began, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Azriel was just leaving. We were discussing how best to sell some of my herbs and spices.” Azriel still hadn’t moved, so she finally turned her eyes towards him. From her look alone he knew that whatever happened next, she would be okay. In every circumstance this life had thrown at her, she’d proven to be stronger than anyone gave her credit for. She’d had her mortality stripped from her, a fiance she loved had broken her heart, a mate thrust upon her instantly, the gift (or curse, depending on how you looked at it) of being a seer, the death of her father, slaying the King…and yet, she’d only faltered briefly in those days after being turned. But not since.

So he did it. He went against every instinct, every muscle screaming at him not to move. And he left her standing there with her mate. Alone. Because she asked him to.

Within moments of setting foot outside Elain’s residence, he took to the skies to head towards the House of Wind, to let Rhys and Feyre know what happened. He feared Feyre would be angry with him, but he knew he had to leave her. Had he stayed, it would have done more harm than good.

Rhys was waiting for him on the balcony. Every aspect of their plan, every protection they had put in place, was unraveling before Azriel’s eyes. He couldn’t do anything to stop it.

“What happened? Why aren’t you still there?” Rhys said immediately upon seeing Azriel land. Feyre, thankfully, was elsewhere.

“Elain and I….Lucien came….” Azriel knew Rhys had never seen him so flustered. He wasn’t sure he had ever seen himself so flustered, even when it came to Mor. He would die for Mor, for any of them, but there was something about Elain that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. It wasn’t just that he would sacrifice his life for hers, it was more than that. He would do anything she asked him, anything at all, without hesitation. Even if it meant putting herself in danger. He’d let her do it, only because she asked.

Azriel filled Rhys in quickly, his cobalt siphons glowing as he spoke.

“Shit,” Rhys muttered. “There’s no one in the house to protect her if this goes wrong. Which it probably will. I need to get Cassian back from the Day Court as soon as possible.” Cassian had been sent there to tell Helion what Elain was planning to do, in case they needed him to interfere.

Azriel nodded. “I know it seems bad…but I have this feeling that she’s going to be okay.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I know...but I do.” Azriel didn’t know why he was so sure.

“Go back to her roof, just in case.”

******

Elain led Lucien to the garden out back, sitting down on the gray and cracked cement bench next to him. Before Lucien arrived, she’d been unsure she was making the right decision. Mostly out of fear. But the moment she’d seen him, any ounce of doubt vanished. She realized she hadn’t missed him. Not his smile or his laugh or the warmth of his arms around her. She’d missed the idea of him - that she had this predestined mate who loved her unconditionally, no matter what. But that’s not really what her and Lucien had.

She sensed his nerves beside her, as he cracked his knuckles and fidgeted with his fingers. A few weeds had sprung up beside the bench and Elain bent over to pull them out. She held them between her fingers. Lucien reached over and gently took one from her.

“There are never weeds here.” He said, rolling the stem between his fingers. “You’re not one to neglect the garden, even a little.”

“I’ve had a lot on my mind,” she replied, dropping the remaining few stems into the grass in front of her. She’d grab them later.

When she didn’t continue, Lucien said, “Are you going to tell me what’s going on, or do I have to guess?” He was smiling, trying to make light of the situation. Through the bond, he must have sensed that whatever she had to say was serious.

The speech she practiced in front of the mirror was useless now. She knew it would come out sounding rehearsed and she respected Lucien too much to break his heart with practiced words. The crumpled piece of paper in her pocket lay untouched.

She looked at him. “I need you to let me get through this, to not interrupt me, however badly you may want to.” He nodded, and she began. “When you came into my life two years ago, I didn’t know what to make of the situation. Of anything. You weren’t there those first few weeks after - I didn’t know what was happening to my mind. I didn’t understand it, not until Azr - not until they figured out that what I was seeing were glimpses into the future. I was so emotionally confused for most of the battles with the King, between losing my mortality and my fiance and this life I had planned out for myself....and then being given this ability to see, I didn’t know what to make of any of it. And then I lost my father and the battle ended and you were there.”

She paused to look at him, to memorize the lines of his face, his one russet eye and the other golden. His red hair was blowing slightly in the breeze, the pointed tips of his ears visible. She resisted the urge to tuck the stray hands behind his ears as she had done so many times, instead lacing her own fingers together in her lap in front of her.

“Lucien, you were a gift I never deserved. You gave me the space to grieve, but also let it be known that as my mate, you were there for me. I don’t know if I ever voiced how much that all meant. And while we were getting to know each other, learning to be what the other needs and desires...six months ago, I had this vision. You had just learned you were Helion’s heir, and you’d raced off to the Day Court to deal with the repercussions and what it all meant. I was tending to the flowers when it came to me, this glimpse into the future. And in it, you weren’t beside me, not as my mate.”

At this, Lucien’s demeanor changed. He shifted from being gentle and concerned to alert. He faced her fully as she continued.

“You were in clothes from the Day Court and you just seemed so...happy. Happier than you’d ever been here. It’s all night and darkness and shadows here. You were always flames and light. There you were, finally where you belonged. And I, I was still here...still in the Night Court, wearing a navy gown and tending to the flowers among the shadows in the garden. We were happier apart, Lucien.”

He was silent as he processed what she told him, and she turned her gaze towards the house, not able to bare to look at him. She could have sworn she saw shadows on the roof.

“Is what you’re saying....are you saying, that you don’t want to be mates? You don’t want to accept the bond?” She’d never given him food, which was the customary tradition when one was accepting the mating bond. He’d never pressured her to, never even brought it up. Never asked when she thought she would be ready. But now, in this moment, she could see that he thought it was coming. Instead, she was shattering his heart.

“Yes,” and she heard her own heart break. “I don’t think we should accept the bond.”

A few flames escaped his hand, aimed not at Elain, but at her flowers. He didn’t say anything before winnowing away.

Feyre appeared immediately, pulling Elain into a tight hug. Nesta arrived a minute later, yanking Elain from Feyre’s arms into her own.

“Did he hurt you?” Nesta asked.

Elain shook her head. “Only a few of the black dahlias and purple calla lilies,” which Lucien knew were her favorite. She had a soft spot for dark flowers.

“Did he say anything? Did he agree to it?” Nesta asked, pulling Elain from the hug and looking at her face.

“He didn’t say anything before he winnowed away.” He didn’t need to. She could feel him raging down the bond, which hadn’t been properly buried yet. She knew there were unspoken words between them, that they would have to speak again before it was done. But for now, he needed space. And she needed quiet.

“Can you find Azriel?” Elain asked Feyre. Nesta was still analyzing her movements, as if waiting for her to break down at any moment. Feyre gave Nesta a look that Elain didn’t miss before she turned to the roof.

“You can come down from there, Az.”

Nesta and Feyre suddenly found they had elsewhere to be.

“Are you okay?” Azriel asked, seconds after landing on the grass.

“No,” she replied, a few tears escaping down her cheek. “I’m not.” He didn’t say anything as he reached his hand out to wipe away her tears.

“Were you on the roof the whole time?” Azriel nodded. “He could have spotted you, or scented you. He could have hurt you.”

“Not as much as he could have hurt you. He didn’t know I was there, I promise.”

She nodded, turning around to stare at the charred hole in her garden. She remembered the weeds from earlier, walking over to the front of the bench to pick them up. Azriel watched her, remaining silent. She threw them into the middle of the ashes. The garden could use more imperfections.

“I think he thought I was going to tell him that I was ready to accept the bond...and instead, I destroyed him. And in turn, it feels like I destroyed a piece of me.” She didn’t know why talking to Azriel was so much easier than her sisters, but it was. His shadows soothed her nerves as more tears escaped. She sat down on the bench, Azriel standing awkwardly nearby. His wings were folded in tight behind him and his siphons muted.

Azriel, who rarely seemed uncomfortable, knelt down in front of Elain, his knees in the grass and dirt, as she sat on the bench. Gently, he asked, “Why didn’t you tell any of us about the vision?”

“Because telling you meant it was true, and I wasn’t ready to accept it. But I am now.” More tears. Cauldron, why couldn’t she stop crying?

“Do you want me to leave?” He asked after a pregnant silence. She didn’t. In the days after she was made immortal, Azriel’s silent presence had saved her. At the time, she didn’t realize what a calming force he had been, the light breeze after a brutal storm.

“No...I just need to sit here. To accept what I’ve done. You don't have to leave, but I understand if there's somewhere else you need to be.”

For the rest of the day and night they sat in silence in the garden, staring at the weeds.

Chapter 5.

[fandommadememad]

If You’re Going Through Hell (a Teen Wolf/Hawaii Five-0 crossover fic)

Here's the thing I can finally share! It's not the full thing*, but I'm rather proud with what I came up with as this was the first time I've completed a Sterek bang (reverse or otherwise) and it's for @sterekreversebang

*** A/N:** This is an all human AU and crossover with Hawaii Five-0 and was originally supposed to be apart of a longer 10k-15k word fic but between losing a majority of what I had typed up weeks and weeks ago and having to redo it, this is now a watered down version of 2 chapters from the larger fic that I hope to one day bring back to life. I introduce characters at the end, who you probably won't know unless you watch Hawaii Five-0, but again, they play a significant role in the larger story.

I will be editing this entry to include Here is the link to the wonderful artwork created by @froggydarren once it's been posted and I will also be posting this to AO3 at some point as well.

Also, I can't forget to thank my wonderful beta, Karen, who stepped in at the last minute to read this even though she knows nothing of Teen Wolf. Any and all remaining mistakes are my own.

Warning for possible unreliable narrator? I don't know. I tried to catch all of that.

Title: If You're Going Through Hell Fandom(s): Teen Wolf & Hawaii Five-0 (it's a crossover) Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale, Steve McGarrett, Danny Williams, Cora Hale, other characters from both shows are mentioned, and there are just so many that I don't want to list them for fear of forgetting any of them. Pairings: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Steve McGarrett/Danny Williams

Summary: He remembered screaming and yelling at his dad to be let go. He remembered yelling for the deputies to let Derek go and saying there had to be some mistake, that Derek didn't kill anyone, especially not his sister who was his best friend.

Two weeks after Derek's arrest

It was weird for Stiles to think that somewhere out there was another - hopefully living and breathing - Hale relative and that they were on their way to help get Derek out of jail. Stiles only hoped that the man - Steve he said his name was - could truly help since Derek was prepared to face the consequences for a crime he didn't commit.

Looking out the window of the cabin they had been sharing for the last month, Stiles could still feel his father's arms holding him back as two other unknown deputies arrested and led his boyfriend away. Once Derek was outside and being placed in the back of a cruiser, Stiles was able to break out of his father's grasp and run to the front door. Looking out, it seemed like all of Beacon County had descended on them just to arrest Derek.

He remembered screaming and yelling at his dad to be let go. He remembered yelling for the deputies to let Derek go and saying there had to be some mistake, that Derek didn't kill anyone, especially not his sister who was his best friend.

A knock at the door pulled Stiles from his thoughts. It was Scott, hovering by the front door.

“Your dad wants to know if you'll be coming to the house to meet this guy....” Scott began.

Stiles shrugged his shoulders. He knew he should because he was the one to reach out to the man hours after Derek and the police left the cabin.

“You want me to see if they'll come up here?” Scott asked.

Stiles shrugged his shoulders again. He hadn't left the cabin since that day almost two weeks ago. In fact, the only time was to go back to his and Derek's apartment to get Cora's number and tell her what happened. She said she was on the next flight out and that she needed him to look in the family's phone book and dial the number that went with SJM and that if he didn't get a hold of him, to keep trying until he did.

_“Keep trying, Stilinski,” Cora had stressed. “It's important that you get in touch with him and have him out here as soon as possible.” _

And that's what Stiles did.

For the better part of two days before he was able to reach SJM - 'McGarrett' as he answered the phone and 'Steve' a few days later once he confirmed Stiles' story - who said that he would be in California by the end of the week.

It took a little over a week for Steve to make it out. Cora had arrived before the mysterious Steve and over the course of the week she'd been back in Beacon Hills, she had begun to arrange Laura's funeral and continue to talk with Steve.

_“He's our cousin or cousin's son,” Cora had told him one day when she was at the cabin. “I haven't seen him in years.”

“Was his family also...you know....” Stiles had asked in reference to the Hale fire that killed so many people when she was a little girl.

Cora nodded. “His mom at least was. He, his sister and dad stayed in Hawaii. His dad had work and they were in school.”

Stiles nodded his head somberly. “That had to suck.”

“It did. We went to stay with them before Laura and Derek went to New York and I went with family to South America.” _

That was something else Stiles didn't get. After all the years he'd known the Hales, he didn't get why Cora went to live with family in another country rather than remain with her siblings. But it wasn't his place to ask. Maybe one day they'd share that part of the story with him.

One month after Derek's arrest

Steve McGarrett arrived a few days after Cora did and profusely apologized for not getting there sooner. He explained to Cora, Stiles and the others who happened to be in the cabin when he arrived, that he had to speak with the Governor of Hawaii to request time off and then he had to make sure his teammates would have everything covered while he was gone. Once he was done with that, he set about calling in favors with the FBI and other law enforcement officials to see about getting his cousin released from jail.

Once explanations and introductions were made, Stiles was talked into joining Cora and the rest of the group at the loft where there would be more space to lay out papers and no one would be in anyone's pocket in the tiny cabin. It had been a month since Stiles had been there and he hated that everyone was invading his and Derek's personal space and there Derek wasn't there to glare at them until they left.

“Are you sure this will work?” Stiles asked for the twelfth time. He knew he was grating on everyone's nerves, but he wanted to make sure that the plan they had been working on for a little over two weeks would work.

“There's a 90 percent chance it will work, Stiles,” Steve replied. “Right now, that's better than nothing. I've got the best out of Hawaii working on this and Agent McCall with the FBI is helping to work on it as well.”

Steve McGarrett turned back to the papers spread in front of him. Over the last two weeks, Stiles had gotten to know the man quite well. He was a former Navy SEAL and current leader of the Governor of Hawaii's special task-force. When he confirmed Stiles' story about Derek and spoke with Cora, he'd taken an indefinite leave from the task-force to help get Derek out of jail.

As for Derek, he'd heard from Cora, Steve and Agent McCall that he was doing okay. No matter how many times he said he wanted to see Derek for himself, he was always turned away, either by his father or Deputy Parrish.

“He doesn't want you to see him in there,” Parrish had told him after his last failed attempt, “but he's doing fine and doesn't want you to worry about him.”

Stiles snorted at that. Worrying was all he had been doing for the last month.

“So this plan?” Stiles asked. “When does it start?”

“It's been in place for the last month,” Steve said glancing at Stiles. “And it's not so much a plan as an expedited way of going through proper channels.” He grimaced at the words and knew back in Hawaii, Danny, his partner, would be laughing his ass off at him.

“What?!” Stiles yelled, his arms waving in frustration. “That's all you're doing?! You're this big shot SEAL and task-force leader and Derek's your cousin! Why aren't you doing more?!”

In that moment, Steve wondered if maybe this kid, Derek's boyfriend, wasn't maybe related to his partner back home.

“We're doing this the right way Stiles,” Cora responded, “I want Derek out as much as you do, but I also want the fuckers who killed my sister buried under the mother fuckin' prison! And if that means we go slow and steady, using up connections and getting on people's nerves than that's what we're going to goddamn do!”

Stiles sighed in frustration. He wanted more to be done but he understood that doing it right took time and for Derek he wanted it done right. “Okay, what's going on now?” Stiles asked. The fight had all but left him, leaving him subdued and feeling a bit useless.

“We got rid of his useless public defender and he's got the best criminal defense lawyer that Whittemore suggested,” Cora explained. “Steve's people back in Hawaii are doing a lot of research in between their cases so it's likely slow on their end.”

“But they're getting it done,” Steve said with confidence. “They know time is of the essence with this.”

“My people are further investigating anything that Steve's team comes up with,” Rafe added as he joined them at the table. He had been mostly in Los Angeles following up leads, so to have him actually in town made Stiles hope there had been some sort of break in the case.

“We're following up some pretty promising leads and I stopped by to let you know in person,” Rafe continued. “I also wanted to know if you recognize any of these people.” He pulled out a photo line-up and placed it on the table in front of Cora and Stiles.

Without hesitating and having barely glanced at the page, Cora and Stiles point to the same man. There was no name attached to the picture but that didn't matter, they still knew him.

“Conrad Fenris,” Stiles said.

Steve leaned over to see who they pointed at and committed his face to memory. If he was on the FBI's radar and Cora and Stiles recognized him, he wanted to know everything about him. He reached for his phone, opened the camera to take a picture and sent it to Danny for the team to look him up.

“I've seen him; a lot actually,” Cora said to Rafe. “About two years ago, he was snooping around the ruins of the old house. Laura happened to be at the house and ran him off with that ole 'this is private property' shtick and said that she would call the sheriff if she saw him on the property again.”

“Did he ever come back?” Rafe asked. “To the property or anywhere in town?”

“I don't know; I don't think so.” Cora replied. “The next day Laura had construction people over to demolish the house and lay a new foundation for the rebuild.”

Rafe turned to Stiles. “What about you?”

“Last year when I was with Laura at the hospital waiting for Derek's recovery from the surgery after his accident,” Stiles said. “He was there harassing her until Boyd and Mel came. I didn't hear what they were arguing about but when he left I remember him saying that she was going to get what was coming to her.”

“Did she report it?” Steve asked.

Stiles shook his head. “She said she wasn't worried. That he was just some loser upset about something her firm was doing and for me not to worry about it.” He paused some before looking fully at Rafe. “She made me promise not to tell Derek or my dad and that if I ever saw him to let her or Peter know.”

“How'd you find out his name?” Rafe asked.

“Do I have to tell you?” Stiles asked. “It wasn't exactly legal.”

Rafe shook his head and grabbed the photo line-up. “I'm going to have my team begin the search for him.”

“Do you think he did it?” Cora asked. “I mean, for him to be in the lineup and that Stiles and I recognized him...he had to have done something for him to get there.”

“Like Laura told Stiles, he was nothing more than a disgruntled client her firm was dealing with,” Rafe said as he walked out of the loft.

Six weeks after Derek's arrest

“We got it!” came a yell from outside the loft. The large sliding door pushed open and a man with neatly styled blond hair came rushing in the room. Everyone looked up from the various places around the loft's living room.

Danny Williams, Stiles would come to learn, was not only Steve's work partner, and second in command of the Governor's task-force, known as Five-0 in Hawaii, but for the last two years, Steve's husband. Weeks earlier, shortly after Rafe McCall had shown Cora and Stiles the photo lineup where they picked out Conrad Fenris, Steve had his team doing the same thing.

“The ink's still drying, but the judge signed off on releasing him!” Danny exclaimed. “There's still the actual investigation into Laura's murder, but there was enough evidence that the judge felt that the police had arrested the wrong person.”

Stiles slumped down against the sofa like the strings that had been holding him up had finally been cut. Around him, he heard Cora asking rapid fire questions about when Derek would be released and what happens next - Stiles couldn't process it all.

Six weeks Derek had been in jail and soon he would be out and they could put this all behind them.

“When does he get out?” Stiles finally asked. He was sure Cora had asked the same thing and that Danny gave her an answer but he didn't care.

“Just said he's to be released by the end of the week,” Steve replied.

“Then what?” Stiles asked. “What about the case?”

“The investigation is still going on. What Five-0 was able to dig up about Fenris and his company is likely motive enough for the police to arrest him,” Danny added. “I've given everything to the FBI and they're taking it from here.”

Danny moved to where Stiles was sitting and sat on the coffee table in front of him. “Even though Derek's been released from jail and the FBI is going after Fenris, he's not out of the woods just yet. We've likely painted a target on all your backs.”

Stiles nodded his head. He and Cora knew that. Laura's law firm was still investigating Fenris' company and Fenris himself still hadn't been found.

“What are we going to do about protecting them?” John asked. “I mean, there is going to be some sort of protection for them, right?”

“I'm going back to South America,” Cora said.

“I don't think that's a good idea,” Steve said. He drummed his fingers on the table as he thought. He knew Cora and likely Derek would protest, but the only safe place was someplace Steve could do the protecting.

“You should go with them.” John replied as he looked at his son and then to Cora. “Call it a vacation, but here in Beacon Hills, you can't get the level of protection that a whole task-force can provide.”

“Don't decide on it yet,” Danny said. “Wait until Derek gets here and talk it over with him. I don't know how long it will take to find Fenris and arrest him and I don't think you want to further uproot your lives like you have for the last six weeks.”

One week after Derek's release

“Are you going to tell him, or am I?” Cora asked Stiles as they worked on dinner in the kitchen.

“I don't know,” Stiles said as he looked at Cora. “Have you thought about it?”

“I have. And I still want to go to back to South America,” she replied. “I talked to Danny about it. He says his brother is there and if I'm determined to go back, he wants me to look up his brother...just for his piece of mind, he said.”

Stiles snorted at that. He learned how much of a worrier Danny Williams was and it surprised him that he hadn't worried himself to an early grave with it.

“I think I want to go,” Stiles said. “If Derek wants to that is. When else am I going to get a free trip to Hawaii with my boo.”

“Oh please let me know when you call my brother your boo. I want to be there to see his reaction,” Cora laughed. “Come on and help me with this. We said dinner would be ready in 30 minutes and it's been almost 45.”

+=+

Derek had been out of jail for a week and had yet to want to talk about it. Instead, he spent hours talking with Steve, as they bonded over being unjustly incarcerated. Where Stiles wasn't able to get Derek to talk, Steve sat and waited him out. Eventually Derek would break and ask how Steve got over the loneliness. He would ask how Steve dealt with seeing Danny when he came to visit him and explain why he didn't want Stiles to visit him, even though he knew how it upset his boyfriend.

“He may not like that he couldn't see you,” Steve began, “actually, scratch that. He hated that he couldn't see you.” Derek cracked a smile at that. “But I get both sides of it. You didn't want Stiles to see you behind bars knowing that you were there for something you didn't do, and you also didn't want to see him, though deep down you really did, because you wouldn't be able to walk out of the jail with him when visiting hours were over.”

Steve looked at Derek. “I was the same way with Danny. As much as I hated that he didn't listen when I told him to stop coming to see me, I was so glad for it. He was the only person who could come to see me.”

“What about Mary?” Derek asked. “Didn't she come?”

Steve shook his head. “Didn't tell her. One day in January I put her back on a plane to Los Angeles and didn't see her again for nearly a year when she showed back up on the islands for my birthday and she was a flight attendant.”

“Does she know now?” Derek asked as he looked up in search of Stiles and his sister.

“I don't know. I didn't tell her. Danny didn't tell her. No one on the team would have told her, so she probably doesn't know,” Steve said.

“Did you ever talk about what happened to you?” Derek eventually asked.

That caused Steve to look at Derek with concern. “Did anything happen to you?”

“No, nothing like what happened to you. I mean, it was the Beacon County Jail, not state prison or a super-max.”

“Doesn't mean that nothing can happen that you didn't want to tell us about,” Steve replied.

“I promise, Steve. I kept to myself and the officers didn't hassle me. They know Uncle Peter, they know the Sheriff. They did their job and they were alright.”

Steve nodded his head. “Okay. That's good. Great, in fact.”

Derek smirked some. “If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were concerned about my well being. Are you the same cousin who chased Laura and me into the ocean our first day in Hawaii? Said something about having to show us who was boss or some crap like that.”

Steve laughed. “Yeah, I did that. If you're not careful, I'll do it again when we go back.”

“Go back?” Derek asked with a raised eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

Steve sighed. “They didn't talk to you about it, did they?” Derek shook his head. “Because Fenris is still out there, you, Cora and Stiles might be in danger and just about the safest place for you is someplace where people can keep an eye on you.”

“Putting aside the fact that we aren't little kids anymore and can take care of ourselves,” Derek began, “what does that have to do with me going back to Hawaii?”

“You know about my task-force, right? Of course you do. We're probably your best bet at keeping you guys safe until Fenris is caught and put in prison for what he did.”

“If that happens, how long are we talking?” Derek asked. “I don't want Stiles and Cora to have to uproot their lives because of this.”

Before Steve could respond, Cora called out that dinner was ready and that everyone needed to come before it was eaten or got cold.

“We can talk about it over dinner.” Steve replied as he turned to walk to the kitchen. “Dinner calls and they've been working on their supposed masterpiece of a meal for nearly an hour.”

Day one in Hawaii

“This is Mary's place when she's here,” Steve said as he led Derek, Stiles, Cora and John through the little bungalow.

John had taken a week off from work, something he hadn't done in years, so it was a well deserved vacation for him, and a chance to check out the security plans that he knew Steve likely had in place. Also, through some miracle, Steve had talked Cora into joining them as well. She said she'd spend a bit more time with her brother and Steve, and then she'd see if she still felt like going back to South American right away.

“You're sure she won't mind that we've basically taken over her home?” Derek asked. “She's not going to show up on one of her surprise visits?”

Steve laughed some and shook his head. “She's busy with a new job and Joan's just started preschool, so they're too busy for a surprise visit.”

Steve and Danny left the group to look around while they coordinated with Five-0 back at the office. They'd made security plans before the group arrived, and now it was time to put everything into motion. Once everyone was back in the living room, Steve began to lay out what they had planned.

“The view isn't as good as my place, but as this is in Mary's name. No one will know you're here and if by chance Fenris finds out that you're here, we'll hear about it from Agent McCall, hopefully, before he reaches the Islands.”

“Chin Ho Kelly has all of Fenris' information and we're running scans to make sure he hasn't slipped on the Island while we were traveling over. I don't know how that would have happened without pinging something with the FBI and their watch lists, but better to be safe than sorry.

“What about travel restrictions while on the Island?” Cora asked.

“Try to keep it to places you don't have to check in with anything traceable for Fenris to latch on to,” Danny said.

“I'll get Mary's car out of storage for you to use around the Oahu, if you choose,” Steve added. “My place is no more than 2 miles from here and it's on the way to and from Five-0's headquarters, so we'll be able to stop by every so often and you're more than welcome to come to the house whenever. The team is almost always over most weekends.”

Danny and Steve looked at each other, a silent conversation passing between them before Danny nodded his head. “Give us a bit before you start using credit cards and the ATMs...”

“Oh we took care of that before leaving,” Derek replied. “Peter gave Cora and me money from the insurance settlement, so we have prepaid cards to use.”

“Same for me,” Stiles said, “though I wasn't lucky enough to get money from good old Uncle Peter.”

John snorted. “But try not to use all of that money, okay? And don't forget you have to pay your Nona back. I don't know what you told her to get her to loan you that much.”

Stiles grinned. “Nona and I have this covered. I promise not to spend it all in one place.”

John shook his head. “I don't know what we're going to do with you, kid.”

“We'll let you get settled and then come back in a few hours with Mary's car, show you to my house and then that cookout I heard my team going on about!” Steve said as he and Danny walked to the door.

“If you need anything, all the important numbers are on the fridge,” Danny added. “No one is allergic to seafood, right? We're having all you can eat shrimp and steak.”

“Finally some red meat!” John groaned. “I love vacation diets.”

John gave Stiles a look daring him to take away his red meat. Stiles held up his hands in mock surrender before going to the kitchen for a snack.

+=+

Later that day, everyone gathered at Steve and Danny's house for the promised cookout and introductions were made: Chin Ho Kelly, his girlfriend Abby Dunn and his niece Sara. There was Kono Kalakaua and her husband Adam Noshimuri, followed by Lou Grover, his wife Renee and their son Will, who was Grace's boyfriend. There was also Kamekona, the resident cook, his cousin Flippa, Five-0's consultant, Jerry, Nahele Huikala, who was Steve's sort of adopted son and Sergeant Duke Lukela.

Kamekona and Flippa manned the grills where an impossible amount of food was stationed. John dozed under an umbrella with a beer in hand, and Derek, Stiles and Cora got roped into a weird volleyball game with Danny's two kids, Grace and Charlie, Will and Sara.

“I guess we're going to be busy for a bit,” Danny commented to Steve as they worked on some food in the kitchen.

Steve shrugged some. “No more than usual. I think they can use the time away from everything.”

“Agent McCall called me earlier. They have a lead on Fenris and it looks real promising,” Danny said when Steve mentioned the case.

“We'll talk about it tomorrow.” Steve said as he picked up the salad bowl and walked out to the lanai.

~FIN~