#the pill should help maybe but it’ll take time

[gotyouanyway]

🫥

[candyk0rn]

Hey, can I request a break up with Nanami, Gojo, and Geto? I'm in a mood for angst :')

⚘Breakup⚘

Woah okay first time I’ve ever written smth like this so I’m excited! Thanks for the ask, have a good day/night!

Warnings: ummm breaking up with someone is sad y’all

Included: Nanami Kento, Gojo Satoru, Geto Suguru

G.Satoru:

Fights or arguments don’t really happen with Gojo

Because he doesn’t let them happen

When things get even the slightest bit heated, he avoids them

He erases them with clinginess and jokes, always brushing it off when he should definitely be serious

And this is one of many things that drew your relationship to its inevitable end

Not only was it his lack of ability to read the room, but also his dangerous job

With the privilege of being considered the ‘strongest’, that means the strongest enemies are after him as well

You cannot begin to count the amount of times he said he’d leave for a three day mission, only to be gone for an entire week with no further communication

There’s a large risk at hand with being even so much as associated with Gojo

Let alone being his romantic partner

A certain bounty has been placed on your head too, you’re sure.

And that is just dusting against the surface of the cracks that eventually took control of your relationship

And to be honest, he doesn’t take the break up that serious either

Not until you stop returning your calls and haven’t come home for a few hours

Maybe it’ll make him realize, but who knows?

N.Kento:

Nanami is tricker than Gojo.

But in some regards, I believe he’s very similar

For Nanami is perceived, at least, to be a ‘simple’ man

For someone who hates work, who would much rather go on a long vacation,

He takes his occupation extremely seriously

Both his normal income job and his sorcerer work

And sometimes you truly felt he held his job before you, his partner

And sometimes, he would openly admit to taking priority elsewhere than with you

Which, in some cases understandable, still hurts

One time, later in your relationship, he has forgotten your anniversary

Well, he hadn’t forgotten it fully

But he didn’t celebrate in anyway, needing his hours at work

Nor did he intend to celebrate in anyway, even though much earlier to the date you told him you would like to

Unlike Gojo, the breakup is rather smooth

He simply and utterly refuses to leave on a bad note

And he will not only leave in good terms, but he wants to leave respectfully

But he will be in shock for a very long time afterwards

And he doubts the feeling of deep regret will leave anytime soon…

G.Suguru:

I don’t think people really recognize how others are affected when someone begins to spiral

Not only is the person who is going through the hard time hurting and being drained, the person helping is drained too

And unfortunately, this is what happened to yours and Geto’s relationship

Seeing someone you care for so deeply begin this downward trajectory is hard

And you swore to be by his side through it all..

Until he began to do some things you didn’t exactly approve of

Once the count of dead began rising by his hand, you found yourself losing sympathy bit by bit

It’s a hard pill to swallow, it’s a difficult thing to accept

And it’s an even worse thing to end

To hang on to the hope that the old Suguru is simply trapped behind a mask of pain would be futile

It’s either accept unfortunate route his travelled down, or follow in your own beliefs

And even though you once thought you could help him wash his hands clean of blood,

There will always be a spot left unattended

And spots only grow until you no longer see skin

Only red.

He doesn’t actually believe you at first when you bring up leaving him

In fact, he says to your face he doesn’t believe you

Like Gojo, he assumes that after you calm down you’ll be running back to him

But you don’t

And there’s very few times he’s felt regret.

He has done everything in his power to make sure the word isn’t even in his vocabulary

But there’s that sting in his heart and that dizziness in his head

That can only be described as loss.

Thanks for reading!

[merrybloomwrites]

I Hear Them Calling (Chapter 4)

Story Summary: Alpha Harry Styles and omega Y/N Y/L/N meet under less than ideal circumstances. Overtime their paths will cross and they will be drawn to one another in ways they never expected.

Chapter Summary: After battling the symptoms of touch deprivation for weeks, Y/N sees Harry again in Chicago and he helps her deal with the worst of it.

Previous Chapters: Prologue ; Chapter 1 ; Chapter 2 ; Chapter 3

Word Count: 4.9k

Y/N POV

“You haven’t had a nightmare in 4 days?” Rachel asks.

“Nope!” You reply happily, taking a sip of your iced caramel latte. You and Rachel both have a free afternoon and decided to meet at a local cafe. You feel so much better than you had for the last few weeks that you felt confident to order a different drink. No tea that reminds you of Sarah, no hot chocolate that makes you think of Harry.

“And you’re not using those coping mechanisms you mentioned?”

“Haven’t needed them in days.”

“And you’re still not going to tell me what they were?” You blush at this question, embarrassed by the truth.

“No, that secret may come with me to the grave,” you joke.

Rachel looks at you, slightly worried and says, “It was safe right? You weren’t like, drugging yourself to sleep were you?”

“Oh God no!” You reply with a laugh. “Nothing like that, I swear.” Though you think to yourself that Harry’s scent in its direct form would probably be so delicious that it would act like a drug to you.

“Okay, I trust you,” Rachel says. “So, have you heard from Harry?”

You sigh, slightly disappointed by the answer you have to give. “Not since the night of the concert. I’m sure he’s been busy.”

“Maybe you should text him first.”

“And maybe you are out of your mind. No way. And before you say anything, it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm the girl or he’s the alpha or any of that sexist bullshit. It has everything to do with the fact that he’s Harry Styles.” You whisper the last part, aware that you’re in public and anyone around could hear the conversation.

“So what if he’s Harry Styles?”

“What would I even text him?”

“You could start with ‘Hi, how are you?’”

“Very funny. I mean, I guess I could. Maybe. I’ll give it a couple more days.”

“Waiting for him to leave the area?”

“Something like that,” you reply.

“Speaking of procrastinating things,” Rachel says teasingly, “have you called your doctor yet? To find out why that alpha knew you’re an omega even though you’re on suppressants and scent blockers?”

“Okay, that I did not procrastinate on. I called her but I can’t get an appointment until November.”

“Seriously?”

“Yea. I mean there aren’t a lot of doctors who specialize in omegas, so they’re always booked. Anyway, she said that my body has probably just developed a resistance to the pills. She’ll try to change my regimen after the appointment and told me to use the spray on neutralizers until then.”

“That sucks.”

“It does. I am so not looking forward to changing meds. It takes awhile to find the right combo and then there’ll be all new side effects. But it’ll be worth it.”

“I wish omegas didn’t have to hide who they are.”

“Me too. But that’s just how it is now.”

From there the conversation turns to lighter topics until you part ways to continue your day.

Another week passes and you still haven’t heard from Harry. On top of that the bad dreams come back, along with the restlessness, and chills. You’ve started using the old coping mechanisms again, which barely work this time around.

The morning after his final show in New York City, your social media is flooded with videos of him receiving his banner at Madison Square Garden. If there was any time to reach out to him, now was it. He said he wanted to be friends, right? A friend would absolutely congratulate him on this achievement.

It still takes you forever to type out the message, and ever longer to find the courage to press send. It’s nearly noon by the time you text Harry, “Congrats on the banner!”

It’s a simple sentence, just four words, and you still find a way to overthink everything for the two hours it takes Harry to reply. You’re taking a walk, grateful once again that you work on your own schedule and can take a break when you need one. And right now, you need one. Because you texted a celebrity and he still hasn’t answered and you for sure made a complete fool of yourself.

You stop dead in your tracks when your phone buzzes and Harry’s name appears on your screen.

From Harry Styles: Thank you! Can’t believe I got such an honor. How are you? What are you up to?

There’s a bench nearby and you sit to reread his message five times before replying.

To Harry Styles: You deserve it! I’m good, just out for a walk. How about you?

The next message comes in much faster.

From Harry Styles: I’ve been doing well. Took it easy this morning, currently enroute to Texas for the next shows.

You can’t help but feel disappointed that he’s no longer just a city away. You know it’s silly, but it was nice that he was so close by.

To Harry Styles: Enjoy Texas!

From Harry Styles: Thank you! Have you ever been?

To Harry Styles: Once, in college. Went to San Antonio with some friends.

From Harry Styles: That’s a great city, love the river walk there!

And so, you and Harry Styes became friends who text each other about random things. You talk throughout his flight to Texas, and sporadically over the next couple of weeks. It never gets very deep, all surface level conversations, but it’s nice. You feel like you’re getting to know the real him, and he’s getting to know who you are as well.

The texts from Harry are the high points. The low points are, unfortunately, very low. The hot chocolate, and roses, and forest smelling candles are no longer helping you. Bad dreams happen almost every night, you’re constantly cold, and there’s an itch under your skin that just won’t go away. The voice in the back of your brain is telling you it’s touch deprivation, but you refuse to admit that to yourself. You’ve never needed an alpha, and you refuse to depend on one now. So no, you do NOT have touch deprivation.

You’re checking your email, and you see that there are still spots open for a job training opportunity in Chicago. You rarely go to these, but it’s been a while, and you think maybe it would be good to go. There are always new types of data software, and you found the last two training courses you attended to be pretty informative.

Looking at the dates you notice the course is the following Thursday and Friday. In Chicago. You also notice that Harry will be doing shows there at the same time. You don’t admit that’s what seals the deal for you, but it totally is.

After registering and setting up your flight and hotel reservation you send a text to Harry. You casually mention that you’ll be in Chicago the following weekend. You’re surprised when your phone starts to ring, and Harry’s name is on the screen.

You answer the phone and he’s first to speak, saying, “You’re gonna be in Chicago?”

“I am!” you reply, matching his excitement.

“Can you come to my shows?”

“Which days are they again?” You ask this to try and seem like less of a stalker.

“I’ve got one Thursday, Friday and Saturday. You’re welcome to come to as many of those as you want,” he answers.

“I think Thursday is an all-day thing, so I won’t be able to come to that one. The training ends with dinner on Friday evening so I think I could make it just in time for the concert.”

“Ok great, and Saturday?”

“I am free all-day Saturday. My flight back home is Sunday afternoon.”

“Wonderful. I’ll have tickets for you for those two shows. That is, if you want to come of course.”

“Harry, I absolutely want to come.”

“Then the tickets are yours. All the details will come from Jada. I’d be a mess without that girl.”

“You paying her well?” you ask jokingly.

“She’s compensated handsomely, I promise,” he replies with a laugh.

“Happy to hear it.”

“I uhm- it sounds like you won’t be able to come before the show Friday, correct?”

“Unfortunately, no. I’ll probably get there right before you go on.”

“Forgive me if this sounds forward, but would you want to hang out after? It would have to be at the hotel, I can’t really be out in the city after a concert.”

“Totally understand that. And yea, I’d love to hang out after.”

“Great! I’m staying at the Nobu Hotel.”

You quickly look it up and see that your hotel is close by.

“No way!” you reply. “I’m at the Crowne Plaza like, two blocks away.”

“Well, that’s convenient. I’ll make sure there’s a car to take you to Nobu after the show Friday if that works for you?”

“Yea that would be great. I’d love to hang out!” You cringe, hoping that didn’t come off too strong.

“I’d love to hang out as well. Listen I have to go to sound check for tonight’s show. I’ll text you soon. And look out for the email from Jada, it’ll have all the info you need.”

***

Harry POV

“You’re extra happy today,” Elin says as Harry bounces around the venue smiling so big that both dimples are showing.

“I am!” He replies. “Thanks for noticing!”

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Sarah asks. “Because it’s definitely not how this sound check is going.” She has a point there. No less than a dozen things have gone wrong since they started, leading them to take a break while the sound techs work out a few problems.

“Just talked to a friend who will be in town next week.”

“Oh I see,” Mitch says. “So Y/N will be here?”

“Yes, and she’ll be coming to the shows Friday and Saturday. I can’t wait to see her!”

“Aw, someone’s got a crush,” Pauli says.

Harry ignores the teasing from his band members and says, “Honestly I’ve been a bit worried about her. I’ve just had this feeling that keeps getting worse.”

“Why do you think it has to do with Y/N?” NyOh asks.

“I mean, I don’t know for sure. But we’ve talked on the phone a couple times, and she always sounds exhausted.”

“I’m sure she’s alright,” Sarah says reassuringly.

“I know, I just can’t help it.”

“I completely get that,” Sarah replies softly, looking towards her mate.

“Fixed it!” One of the sound techs calls out, effectively cutting off the conversation as Harry and the band get back to work.

***

Y/N POV

The next week passes in what feels like slow motion. Every hour drags on. Your apartment building hasn’t switched from air conditioning to heat yet, so you’re constantly wearing layers of warm clothes and burrowing under blankets. The itch under your skin only gets worse, spreading to new areas each day until there’s a maddening tingle throughout your whole body.

Amelia drops you off at the airport Wednesday afternoon. You know she can tell that something is wrong, but you don’t offer an explanation, so she doesn’t pry for details.

You put on your mask before walking into the terminal. It’s a habit leftover from the pandemic, and also a great way to block out the potential strange scents. Alphas and omegas might be rare, but there’s always a chance a few will be around in such a crowded place. You’re extra sensitive to smells at the moment due to the touch deprivation that you’ve finally admitted you have. But it’s mild. Totally manageable. Not a problem.

The plane ride and subsequent train trip and walk to the hotel is exhausting. You stop and grab some food on the way. After checking in you immediately eat your quick meal, take a hot shower, and crawl into bed.

You’re almost asleep when your phone digs with an incoming text. You’ve already texted your family and friends letting them know you’re at the hotel, so you’re annoyed that someone is interrupting your sleep.

That is, until you see who the message is from. Harry’s name pops up with a text asking if you made it safely to Chicago. You practically melt at how sweet it is that he’s checking in on you. You send a quick reply before immediately falling asleep.

The first day of the training session is typical- informative, but boring. Harry’s show is still going when you get back to the hotel, so you watch on a livestream. You’re still exhausted and fall asleep before it’s over.

Waking up the next morning is difficult. Your body feels heavy, like your bones are filled with lead. The chills seem worse than ever and you’re grateful you packed yourself a heavy sweater to wear that day. Not only is it warm, but it covers up the marks from where you’ve been scratching at the skin on your arms due to the incessant itching.

You have trouble concentrating on the training throughout the day. There was one alpha there, and he was somehow in every single session you attended. He didn’t have a bad scent per se, but his presence alone became overwhelming.

By the time the sessions are over, you feel exhausted. You debate skipping dinner altogether but know you at least need some food before you can start your walk to the United Center. The alpha, whose name you’ve learned is Andy, sits next to you at dinner. He seems nice enough, you don’t feel threatened by him, but you still want to finish dinner and get away from him as quickly as possible.

Once dessert is over you grab your bag, ready to escape. Andy stops you before you go, asking for your number. Without thinking you quickly say, “I have a boyfriend,” and hastily leave the restaurant.

You’re not far from the venue, only a few blocks away, and you’re so out of it that you barely notice where your legs are taking you. It only takes fifteen minutes to get there, but you’re on edge the whole time. Glancing at your watch you see that it’s just before 8PM, meaning Harry should still be backstage.

You’re tired, and dizzy, and a little fuzzy, but knowing you’re so close to seeing Harry again has you moving faster than you thought possible. You’ve even built up a slight sweat, and you feel warm for the first time in weeks causing you to roll up the sleeves of your sweater.

As you approach the building you hear your name being called. You turn to see Jada running up to you.

 “I didn’t think you’d be here so early! Glad I was talking to one of the security guards, you walked right past the entrance,” she says.

You smile as she hands you your VIP badge and leads you inside.

“Harry has a few minutes before he needs to finish getting ready. He’ll be glad you made it before he goes on, I know he’s been dying to see you,” Jada says, causing you to blush.

“Well, I can’t wait to see him either,” you reply.

She knocks on a door which opens a second later. The first person you see is Mitch, who gives you a hug as he says, “Hey kid, good to see you again.”

“You too!” you answer, somewhat surprised by the warm greeting.

Sarah’s there too, pulling you in to a hug next. The moment her arms wrap around your shoulders, you’re overcome with a wave of dizziness. Black spots flash in your vision and you blink rapidly to try and clear them.

“You okay, love?” she asks as she lets go and takes a step back.

After a couple deep breaths you answer, “I’m good. Practically ran here from dinner, still catching my breath I guess.”

Harry, who’s been quietly watching you quickly walks to the fridge and grabs a water bottle. You reach out your hand so he can pass it to you, and see his eyes focus on your arm. There’s no way he missed the angry red scratch marks there, but you immediately pull your sleeves back down to hide them anyway.

“Can we have a moment?” Harry asks, causing Mitch, Sarah, and Jada to promptly exit and close the door behind them. He motions to the couch, and you’re reminded of the last time the two of you were in his dressing room together.

Like the last time, you sit next to each other, but he seems to be giving you more space. This confuses you. If he’s so excited to see you, why didn’t he greet you with a hug like everyone else? And why is he so far away now? And why does he seem so serious instead of happy?

“Y/N, I have a question, and it’s kind of personal, but I’d like you to answer honestly,” he starts.

“Okay,” you reply, taken aback by this turn of events.

He’s quiet for a moment, seeming to think of exactly what he wants to ask. Finally, he settles on, “Where did those scratches come from?”

“My arms were itchy,” you reply. Not a lie, though probably not the full truth he’s looking for.

“And the dizziness? Cause I don’t think it was from your walk. You seemed fine until Sarah touched you. Until an alpha touched you.”

You know what he’s getting at. He’s no dummy. Just minutes after seeing you he’s figured out what you’ve been hiding for weeks. Hiding from everyone, including yourself.

He watches you, and you know he’s waiting for an answer. But you can’t think of one to give him. So, he continues, “Y/N, I think you have touch deprivation. Is that fair to say?”

You let out a shuddery breath and nod. “Yea, that’s fair to say.”

“It seems pretty severe.”

You finally decide to open up, saying, “It’s been getting worse the past couple weeks. I don’t think my meds are working anymore, and the soonest doctors appointment I could get still isn’t for a couple weeks.”

“I’m worried you’re close to a drop. Like, any minute now. Or that you’ll go under if I touch you. You realize that you were close with Sarah, right? That if you’d stayed in contact with her, or if she’d released any pheromones you’d be in a full drop right now?”

Part of you wants to snark back, yell at him for going full alpha male and acting like he knows your body better than you. But the problem is, he’s right. It’s been so long since the last time you dropped that you forgot what it’s like. You forgot what the signs are.

But now that he’s pointed out the obvious, you really start to feel it. He sees as you deflate, starting to fold in on yourself. His hand reaches out, wanting to comfort you in some way, but he can’t. He can’t risk sending you into a drop, not when he has a show to do in just twenty minutes.

“You’re right,” you finally say. “I didn’t realize it. I thought I was handling it, that I could make it to my doctor’s visit and get new soothers and I’d be okay. I just don’t know what to do if I don’t have meds that work.”

“I’d like to help you, if you’ll let me.”

You finally meet his eyes and see that he’s completely serious.

After a moment you nod and reply, “Okay.”

“Okay? You’ll let me help?”

“Yes. I don’t know what else to do. And uhm, I trust you. You’re a good person, Harry. A good alpha.”

He smiles at your words before glancing at the clock and saying, “I have to finish getting ready in a minute. I’d still like to hang out after the concert. I think it might be healthy for you to do a drop with me there, if you’re comfortable with that?”

“I mean, I don’t like dropping. It’s only happened to me twice before and I was alone each time, so they weren’t good experiences. But maybe it will be different if you’re there?”

“I can help you through it, if you’ll let me.”

“What would you do to help? Like, how do alphas help omegas through that?”

“It depends on what you consent to but ah, I would hold you, help you get the touch your omega needs. Most alphas will scent the omega. It lets them know that they’re not alone, that someone is there protecting them, keeping them safe while they can’t do so themselves. I’d also release calming pheromones to keep your omega relaxed.”

“Okay. I’m okay with all of that. I’d like that,” you answer. Truthfully you’re a bit nervous. Harry Styles has just offered to hold you, to scent you for goodness sakes. That’s incredibly intimate. But you’ve felt so awful for weeks, and there are still weeks to go before you can get new soothers. And this is kind of a dream come true.

“Do you want to stay here for the concert? You can hang in here or go to the VIP box. Or you can head to the hotel now and take it easy if you’d like,” he says.

“I’ll stay in here if that’s alright,” you reply.

“It’s more than alright,” he answers. “And if at any point you want to get out of here just text Jada. She can arrange a ride back to my hotel and I’ll meet you there after the show. Or if you change your mind she can get you a ride back to your hotel too.”

“Thank you, Harry. For everything.”

“Of course. I know I don’t know you all that well, but I care about you. Anyway, I uhm, need to get dressed so I’m just gonna step into the bathroom for a moment.”

“I can go in the hall for a minute, get out of your way-”

“Nonsense. You’re not in the way. I’ll be right back.”

Harry finishes getting ready, and you make yourself comfortable on the couch. A couple of people come in, touching up his hair and make-up and before you know it he’s heading to the stage.

You watch on the screen in the room for the first few songs. After a while Jada joins you and you ask if you can watch from the VIP section for a bit. It goes well until Harry and the band take a break. You’d been so focused on the music that you were distracted from everything else around you.

But now all you can hear are all the other people, and it’s overwhelming. It becomes difficult to breathe, and you start to see dark spots once again.

You turn to Jada, and she immediately leads you back to the dressing room.

“Do you want to wait for Harry, or do you want to leave now?” she asks.

“I think I should go,” you reply.

“To your hotel, or his?”

“Harry’s, please.”

“Okay, wait here, I’ll get the car and come back for you in a minute.”

You sit back on the couch, seeking out Harry’s scent to calm you, but it’s barely noticeable.

Jada comes back and you follow her to the car. It’s a quiet ride to the hotel, and once there, she goes with you to the suite.

His room is on the top floor. It’s big, basically a full apartment, and you stay in what seems to be the living room. Jada sits on the couch with you, and you say, “I feel like you have more important things to do than babysit me.”

She laughs and says, “It’s not babysitting. I like hanging out with you. And you’re a priority to Harry. Which makes you a priority to me.”

The two of you lapse into a comfortable silence for a while until Jada’s phone buzzes. “Shows over,” she says. “Harry’s just getting changed and then he’ll be here soon. He said you can borrow some of his clothes if you want to get comfy.”

You hesitate and she adds, “I have no problem going through his stuff. I can grab you some clothes if you want.” You laugh at that and nod.

A short while later you’ve changed into a pair of Harry’s sweatpants, as well as a t-shirt and hoodie. They smell like him, and you shamelessly inhale the scent you’ve been craving for weeks. The suite door opens, and Harry walks in, looking incredibly cozy in his own pair of sweats.

“Thank you, Jada,” he says. “Get some rest, you’ve earned it.”

“Night guys,” she says as she leaves the room.

You’re left alone with Harry. It feels different, here in his hotel room, surrounded by his belongings, while you’re wearing his clothes.

“You left early,” he says.

“Sorry,” you reply.

“Don’t be. I’m just worried as to why you left.”

“I was just overwhelmed. Needed some quiet.”

“I understand. Y/N, are you ready for this? You still seem on the edge of a drop.”

“I’m ready.”

“And have you changed your mind about anything? Or is it okay if I hold and scent you through this?”

You pause for a moment, scared at how vulnerable you’re about to be. “I haven’t changed my mind. I want you to do that. I trust you.”

He takes a step towards you. “Thank you, for trusting me. We’ll probably be more comfortable in the bed.”

“Lead the way,” you say.

It’s awkward at first, the two of you sitting next to each other in his bed, backs resting against the headboard.

He turns to you and says, “Can I hold you now?”

You nod, and his arms wrap around you, pulling you until you’re tucked under his chin and resting against his chest.

Everything starts to get fuzzy, and you feel yourself losing consciousness. It’s an unsettling feeling, but you know that Harry is there to help you through this.

The last thing you hear before it all goes black is Harry calmly saying, “I’ve got you. Let go. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”

Harry can’t describe the helplessness he feels as you go limp in his arms. He doesn’t allow himself to stress, or panic, knowing that his emotions will impact you. Instead, he takes some calming breaths and thinks through everything he knows he needs to do in this situation.

He hears you whimper quietly as you start to shiver, and he doesn’t hesitate to soothe you. It takes some maneuvering, but soon you’re both laying down in the bed. He tucks his nose into your neck and begins to scent you, releasing calming pheromones until you relax.

It continues this way for the next couple of hours. Harry holds you, and scents you, his nose rubbing against the gland in your neck. During one moment when you seem particularly distressed he can’t help but place kisses there to soothe you faster.

Finally, you start to stir. It takes longer than Harry had anticipated, so he’s relieved when your eyes meet his after hours of being closed.

“Hey there,” he says with a soft smile.

“Hi,” you answer groggily. “How long?”

“Couple hours. Your inner omega needed the rest. Now you need some too. Go to sleep, I’ve got you.”

It’s the same words he said before you dropped. You wish you could hear that all the time. No one has cared for you before, not like this. It feels good, but you remind yourself not to get used to it. Still, you curl into his embrace, enjoying every moment of contact with Harry that you can get.

The next thing you know, it’s late morning. You’re still cuddling against Harry, and his deep breaths indicate he’s still sleeping.

You feel amazing. You’re nice and warm, your mind is clear, and the constant itch and restlessness are nonexistent. You’re extremely grateful, but at the same time, you’re annoyed that you need to depend on another person just to feel normal. But you don’t dwell on that. Because Harry is starting to stir next to you.

“Hey,” he says when your eyes meet his. “How do you feel? Sleep okay?” God, you could melt at the gravelly sound of his morning voice.

“I’m good. Feel better than I have in a long time. And according to that clock, I slept wonderfully.” The two of you laugh, seeing that it’s nearly noon.  

“I was hoping to treat you to a nice breakfast, but I guess I missed the window on that,” Harry says, continuing to laugh with you. “I do still have plenty of time before I need to be at the arena. Would you like to spend the afternoon with me exploring Chicago?”

“I’d love to,” you reply. His face breaks out in a huge smile before he leans down, once again running his nose along your scent gland. You go limp at the feeling, happily submitting to him.

You don’t think about the fact that this is temporary. That you leave to fly home tomorrow afternoon. That you’ll be without his alpha scent once again.

Instead, you think about the hours you have ahead of you, hours to spend with Harry. Nothing could be more perfect.  

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AN: Thank you so much for reading! This was one of the scenes I imagined when I first thought of the story and I'm so happy that it's finally shared with you all!

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[dragons-and-handcuffs]

Psycho doctor Aemond

He isn’t expecting his estranged sister’s daughter (you can decide if blood related or not) to walk into his office. It’s a shock to him. More than a shock. Seeing her completely vulnerable wakes something in him that’s been dormant for a long time

At first he might ignore it

But eventually he wonders…. He could get away with this

He’ll have her strip and examine her body VERY thoroughly. He’ll question her about her sexual activity while pinching her nipples. He says it’s an old way to test for pregnancy. He’ll say he needs to examine her further and have her on her back, her legs spread. The excuse he comes up with is “I need to see that everything is working as it should, now don’t I?”

He will gaslight her. He’ll insist this is necessary to fully understand her physical health. You just can’t know the full picture unless you’re VERY “hands on”

He’ll be fingering her aggressively while her legs are spread. He swears he’s just “throughly examining” her insides. But he’ll be covering her mouth with one hand to keep her quiet and with the other fully tormenting her poor cunt

Perhaps he’ll write her a prescription for “hormone regulation” that’s really just a strong aphrodisiac

If he gets bolder he’ll have her legs in stirrups with a curtain between them, and tell her he’s going to “more closely examine her”

But really behind the curtain he’s close to losing it all. He needs just one go. He’ll take out his cock and thrust himself inside her. If she makes a noise he’ll comfort her and tell her “it’s just the tool I’m using, it’s a stretch at first. Just relax and let me do my work. You trust me, don’t you?”

Behind the curtain he’s fully using her, and occasionally she’ll whimper for him to be gentle and he’ll just tell her not to worry, be a good girl.

He justifies the cum inside her by saying it’s an internal medicine. It’ll help her overall reproductive health. At least that’s what he says

He might even get bolder. Have her come to his office late at night for a “procedure” that supposedly requires her to be asleep. She won’t question why he uses sleeping pills instead of anesthetic. He doesn’t give her reason to question it

And when she’s asleep, THEN he can finally fully have her. Stripping her bare and fucking her until he swears he can hardly feel his own cock. Perhaps he got too carried away. She is sore for a long time after. But it’s nothing more fingering by him can’t fix

Maybe he’ll just continue using her this way, with no one questioning or knowing. Or maybe he wants to take it farther. He does like the idea of her just getting pregnant because of everything he’s done. Or maybe he’ll actually inseminate her to make SURE it happens

He’ll make sure her pregnancy flies under the radar. For months he tells her that the symptoms she’s experiencing are for different things. He makes every excuse he can. And he’s clever with it

Once she starts showing he gradually finds more and more excuses

Perhaps someone will eventually figure it out. Maybe she will. Or maybe he somehow slips it by until he decides it’s time for her to give birth. Once again, alone with only him. He doses her heavily with aphrodisiacs and eats her out until she’s squealing. Such a foolish girl, too far gone to question this.

But then he finally reveals what he’s been doing, when she looks up to see him with a painfully hard cock. And before she can say a word, he’s inside her.

Maybe it all clicks in her mind then, maybe she just can’t think straight. But Aemond takes her harder than he ever has. And he won’t stop until her contractions begin

Once they do he’ll smirk at her. He will keep going until he finishes. But then he’ll pull out and continue to play with her clit. As well as toying with her nipples

The poor confused girl can hardly think straight, as Aemond brings her over the edge as she gives birth to a baby she didn’t know she had.

Aemond of course knows what to do. And he’ll do it, then put the child in her arms. She’s still coming down completely and extremely confused. But slowly it’s coming together

However now it’s far too late. Aemond realized what he can get away with. And there’s no chance of her ever escaping him now

🔥🔥🔥

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Don't Speak 25

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, stalking, manipulation, reclusive behaviour, disordered eating, dissociation, allusions to abuse, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (f!short!reader)

Character: librarian!Andy Barber

Note: My baby bird, dove!

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

You sit staring at the television, tucked into the corner of the couch as Andy sits on the other end. He has his feet up, still nursing his back, as he watches the game. You try to keep up with the outs and runs and all that but you don’t really get all that. You can’t focus anyway, all you can think about is how rotten you are.

You wanted to go to your room but he didn’t let you. He said you shouldn’t hide away from your mistakes. That he’s not mad and if you’re going to move forward, you can’t just sleep off your guilt. You don’t argue. He’s right.

“Honey,” Andy groans, “pills are wearing off.”

He touches his lower back as you wince and glance over at him. You pout as the bruise under his eye stares back at you starkly. You’re horrible. You can’t believe you did that to him. You cup your elbow before quickly ripping your hand away.

“You want more?” You ask.

“No, I can’t,” he mopes, “can only have so many a day–”

He goes to lean forward and hisses, clutching his hip as he pulls his legs off the ottoman. He curls his shoulders and whimpers as you hop up to your feet. You go towards him but don’t reach out to him.

“What can I do?” You offer.

“The cream,” he pushes himself back with some effort, “sweetie,” he gasps, “oh, god– help me up.”

“No, you should stay–”

“I can’t stay on the couch,” he grits as he latches onto your arm, jarring you. You squeak but don’t pull back. He’s too strong and you’re too afraid. “Help me to bed. It’ll help.”

“Um, okay,” you help him up as best as you can. “I’m sorry–”

“It’s fine,” he snarls through his teeth, “I just need to lay down.”

“Alright, uh, oh, wait,” you stop and angle away from him to snatch up the tube of cream, “got it.”

He puts his hand on your shoulder, gripping firmly, “good girl.”

You suck in your lower lip and nod. You just want him to feel better. Or maybe you just want to feel better. You get rid of the sour bile eating away at your stomach. The hot guilt that burns a hole inside of you.

He limps, one hand on his back, as he hunches awkwardly, and you take each stunted step with him. At the stairs, you take each one at a time, as he clings to the railing with other hand. He lets out a series of rasps grumbles as you ascend.

Earlier, he seemed to be getting better. When you sat down and talked, you don’t remember him slouching or flinching. Maybe the pills helped. You heard those things can sometimes make people feel better so they hurt themselves worse in the end by doing too much.

You turn down the hallway with him, nearly tripping as you look ahead to his bedroom door. You’ve never been in there. You have no place there. You feel like enough of an intruder. He needs your help and you need to stop being selfish.

You shuffle down to the door and push it open ahead the both of you. You get him past the threshold as he staggers. The room smells of him. The hint of his cologne and a strand of sweat cloying from the bed. 

You put your arm around his back as he yelps and you manage to get him to the bed. He drops down so harshly, he takes you with him. You land beside him, your arm trapped beneath him as you grip the cream in your other. He grumbles into a soft laugh.

“Sorry, dove,” he gives a strained smile, “I… I’m going to end up throwing your back out too at this rate.”

“Um, it’s…” you yank on your arm, several times before you manage to get free. You sit up on the edge of the bed and look back at him, “it’s okay. Er…”

He wriggles and reaches for you again. You do your best to help as he gets himself straight and you pile his pillows at the head of the bed. You step back and reclaim the tube of cream. He bends and arm up and tugs at the back of his shirt, whining and letting his hand fall to his lap.

“Dove…”

You get up onto the mattress and set the tube beside your leg. You gently roll his shirt up and get it over his head. He curls his neck as he struggles to get his arms higher than his shoulders. You leave the shirt to droop down his arms as he raises his head.

“Oh, uh,” you once more grab the lotion.

“Same place as before, dove,” he says.

“Alright,” you uncap the cream.

He moves slowly and lowers himself onto one side, his back facing you. You squeeze out a dollop and stare at it as the smell tickles your nose. You exhale and turn your palm, pressing it to his back before you can force yourself to watch. 

There’s something strange about touching him. You don’t touch others and they don’t touch you. You must just not be used to it. You rub the cream in, tracing the line of his shoulder blade up to his neck. He lets out a long moan and balls his hand around the corner of the pillow. The noises he makes are just as odd to you.

“That’s so nice,” he purrs, “thank you, dove.”

“Mhmm,” you put the lid on and back off the bed. You put the cream on the nightstand as you get to your feet, “I’m gonna wash my hand.”

“Sure, sure,” he murmurs, “will you come back? I don’t want to be alone.”

You round the bed and stop at the foot. You peek back at him. You want to say no. You want to go and sleep. It’s been a terribly long day. A terrible day in all ways. But he needs you and you’re being selfish.

“I’ll come back,” you promise.

“Thank you,” he sounds close to tears, “you could… bring your tablet and watch something.”

You consider him. You’ve never seen him look anything close to small but as he lays on his side, shoulders slumped, he doesn’t seem so scary. You sniff and keep your hand away from your shirt as you fall back into step.

“Sure.”

“And… and you could wear some of your new pajamas?” He suggests.

You stop in the doorway and don’t look back, “yes.”

You leave him and stop in the bathroom to wash off your hand. It’s starting to feel weird from the cream. You shut off the faucet and look over as the speaker keeps flashing. You frown. You forgot to tell him.

You cross the hall to your bedroom and dig out your tablet. You’ve been so distracted, you haven’t done much drawing. The days feel like a muddled mess behind you and you expect those ahead of you don’t seem much better.

You rest the tablet on the bed and go to the dresser, still crooked and displaced. You change into the pair of pajamas Andy chose. The ones with the little teddy bears. You like the pattern but not the cut. The top is long-sleeved but cut high around the stomach and the shorts are less preferable than pants. Maybe you can just hide under the blanket.

You bring your tablet with you and stop just before you get to his door. That sinking in your stomach plummets. You have a very bad feeling. A feeling that you never wanted to have again.

You enter as he lays in the dim room. The lamp is turned low and the corns webbed in shadow. You near the side of the bed and Andy pats the space beside him. You don’t let him see your reluctance as you climb up next to him.

“Thank you,” he croaks, “it’s not so bad, is it, dove? Working together… being better.”

“Yes,” you murmur as you unlock your tablet. “I… I’m trying.”

“I know, baby, I know,” he hums.

He rests his hand on your thigh, making your jump. You try to ignore it as you scroll on Youtube. You drag your finger over the screen as he slips onto the bare skin along the hem of the shorts. You blink, frozen as he kneads your flesh.

“I don’t… I don’t have Netflix,” you utter, “or anything…”

“That’s okay,” he wiggles closer, a few strenuous grunts in the process. He lifts his head and leans over, kissing just along your shoulder, “I just like having you close.”

“Please, don’t hurt yourself,” you plead as you keep from shrugging him away, “you have to relax.”

“Oh, dove, I know you care about me,” he lets himself back down, “I can feel how much you do.”

“Mhmm,” you tap on a video, a top ten list. They’re pretty lame but you don’t want to think too much. You prop up the tablet on your lap and ease back against the single pillow behind you.

Andy’s hand lingers. He lets it trail down to your knee and back up. He plays with the bottom of the shorts.

“These look so good on you,” his finger tickles you until goosebumps rise.

“Thanks,” your eyes stick to the small screen in front of you. Your ears are ringing and hot.

“Everything looks good on you,” he breathes.

“Um, Andy,” you eke out, “I… the speaker in the bathroom is broken.”

He’s quiet as his fingers continue to swirl over your skin, “speaker?” He says at last.

“Yeah, the speaker. It keeps flashing.”

“Huh, uh– ohhhh, yeah, the speaker,” he chuckles, “I keep forgetting to charge it. I’ll have to do that later. It will stop flashing soon enough.”

“Oh, alright,” you fold your hands over your stomach, “just thought I’d let you know.”

“And I appreciate it,” his fingers poke under your shorts, “you see how good you can be to me when you try?”

“Yes,” your voice crackles as he nestles closer, drawing his hand back only to sling his arm across your lap.

“I’m gonna rest my eyes,” he hugs your thighs, “is that okay, sweetie?”

“Sure,” you agree. If he’s asleep, he can’t be mad or touchy or anything else. If he sleeps, he won’t be in pain.

🕊️

Once more, your body takes over. You don’t remember the video changing or the tablet going black. Yet you wake on your side, head on the pillow, and your tablet screen down on the mattress in front of your legs.

Behind you is a blaze of heat. It’s just like before. Andy’s flush to you, his arm swept around you, his breath puffing around your head. But this time, you make yourself stay still. You squeeze your eyes shut and fight against the tide rising inside of you.

It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe. You blow out a breath and force your eyes open. You focus on the wall and try to remember those tricks Amber showed you. Just count to ten and breathe.

You do it. All on your. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. You feel your heart calming, not all the way, but some. Enough to keep from flailing.

You lay awake, resigned to the trap of Andy’s arm. It isn’t so bad. It’s warm, at least. 

He exhales ahead you, the soft gristle of his snore rising and falling in a rhythm. His hand is tucked under you, his body right against yours. You shift, wanting to fidget but afraid to wake him up. Your heartbeat begins to pick up again.

He moves but doesn’t wake. He holds you even closer and you feel something against you. Something hard. You frown, uncertain what it could be. You’re pretty sure you put the tube on the night table and it feels bigger than that.

You try to shimmy away but you can’t get far against his arm. You should just go back to sleep. The night will end sooner if you do.

You close your eyes but the noise in your head won’t stop. You’re not going to be able to fall asleep with all these thoughts. Not with him so close. Not being so aware of that fact.

Then you realise. You know what it is, pressing against you. That’s a part of him. Your cheeks are alight with embarrassment. For him, for you. Oh god. If you woke him up and he knew. You don’t want him to know.

You make yourself still, bound by the dread of him waking up. Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep. You can’t, you just can’t. Not with his arm around you, not with his hot breath searing down your neck, not with his thing against you!

How can you ever sleep knowing you can’t be what he wants you to be? Or needs you to be? It’s all just too much for you. It’s so scary.

You want to love him like he says you do but you’re just lost. You must be broken. Andy loves you, he's taken care of you, he's been patient with you. And you are just as messed up as you've always been.

You hope Andy is right. You hope Dr. Kemp can help.

You squeeze your eyes tight. Just count to ten. You can make it to the morning.

[seeingivy]

airplane seats 

eren jeager x gn!reader 

in which, you begrudgingly accept help from eren, a bottle of pills, and a gay couple sitting next to you with your flying anxiety. 

content: flying anxiety, pills, erwin + levi being nosy asf, a very concerned eren :D 

- 

The seven of you stand huddled at the airport gate, your tickets shooting out of the machine. As you grab the papers, still warm from exiting the printer, you groan at the seat numbers. Everyone managed to snag seats together except for you. 

The seven of you move towards the gate, Connie reassuring you that at least you ended up with an aisle seat, meaning you’re free to escape and jump off the plane when you get too nervous. You prod your fingers into his forehead, rolling your eyes at his words. 

Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem. You’re no stranger to being surrounded by the uncomfortable and at times, you even welcome it. However, your deathly fear of airplanes was never something you were never going to embrace. To make matters worse, being separated from your friends and seated with absolute strangers did nothing to make the situation better. 

Sasha buys you condolence snacks, telling you that maybe they’ll be really nice and you’ll sleep through the entire flight. You watch her pickpocket the snacks she gave you while you talk to Mikasa and choose to ignore it. It’s the thought that counts. Mikasa offers to switch seats with you, which you decline, since you know she isn’t a big fan of planes either. Jean tells you that your fear is irrational and that you should just ignore it, which garners him a punch in the gut from both you and Mikasa. 

As you turn to the gate, you stare down at your ticket, watching Mikasa, Jean, Sasha, Connie, and Armin get onto the plane. You look over to your right and find Eren still standing next to you. 

“I have something to help with your problem.” he says, his hands fidgeting behind his back. 

You turn to him, a questioning look on your face. He pulls out a white bag, an orange pill bottle secured inside. Your eyes widen, looking up at him. 

“I promise they’re safe. They’ll just put you to sleep for takeoff, which I know you said is the worst part. Maybe if you’re not awake for it, it won’t be as bad.” he explains, pulling out a water bottle for you as well. 

“Okay, I’ll try it. Can’t promise it’ll work.” you say, shooting him a grateful smile. As the two of you head towards the gate, Eren rolling both of your bags, you feel yourself turn positively green. 

You turn the corner, reaching the walkway onto the plane. You can see Sasha and Mikasa at the end, scanning their tickets and stepping onto the plane. You feel your chest tighten, the breakfast you had earlier coming up. The smell of the airplane reaches your nose, the fear creeping into your chest. You stop at the start of the bridge, your feet glued to the ground. 

Sensing your absence, Eren turns around, looking over at you. He hurries over, his hands resting on your shoulders. He squeezes twice, instructing you to take two deep breaths with him. 

“You’re fine. The pills are completely safe. I would never give you anything that would hurt you.” he says, his hands dropping from your shoulders to grab the ends of your wrists. 

You meekly nod, still feeling positively green.

“Turbulence is normal. The plane is built to handle it. If it’s too much, we can switch seats so you’re with Armin and Mikasa. Come get me if you need me. Keep me updated on how you feel.” he says, his eyes searching yours for admittance. 

You nod at him and brace yourself for the nineteen hour flight ahead of you. The two of you head down the walkway, scanning your tickets and stepping onto the plane. You leave Eren at the start of the plane, him settling into the seats he had next to Armin and Mikasa. Their row was directly behind Connie, Sasha, and Jean, who were already rationing (arguing over) the snacks they had bought hours before. 

They all shoot you a thumbs up, as you trudge down towards the end of the plane to find your seat. As you reach the row, you find yourself seated next to two men who make eye contact with you as you sit down. The man seated in the window was reading a book, The Lost Book of Herbal Remedies. The other man, seated next to you, was cruising through the entertainment guide, browsing the National Geographic section. 

You couldn’t help but admire how attractive they both were as you sat down. The man in the window was small, his jet black hair and gray eyes striking you. The man in the middle, directly next to you, had the definition of perfect blonde hair, his blue eyes glimmering in the fluorescent plane light. You think he could be a model if he tried. They were both wearing button up shirts, their slacks perfectly pressed. You suddenly feel awkward in your sweatpants and hoodie, but banish the thought all together. 

You yank out the bottle Eren gave you from your pocket. You feel your hands shaking, reading over the recommended dose. One pill, with water. 

“Get nervous on planes?” said the man next to you, shooting you a polite smile. 

“That obvious?” you say, laughing awkwardly. 

“I’m Erwin. Erwin Smith. My partner, Levi, has taken those before.” he explains, gesturing to the man in the window. 

“I’m Y/N. Did they work?” 

He looks up from his book, glaring at the two of you. You shoot him a weak smile, suddenly feeling guilty for interrupting him from the book he was reading. 

“No.” he deadpans, returning back to his book. 

Your heart drops. The smallest sense of confidence you had was shattered with his words. Or word. What are you supposed to do now? 

“Excuse him. Do you have any companions on the plane? Levi has mentioned that a familiar presence makes the flight easier at times.” he asks. 

“Yeah, my friends are all sitting up there together. I was supposed to be sitting there too, but my friend Jean messed up my ticket.” you respond. 

“You can always turn to them for help, if needed. And granted, the pills did knock Levi out for an hour at a time, so it wouldn’t hurt to try them.” he says, smiling to himself. He returns to browsing the entertainment guide and you stare down at the bottle. You don’t miss the look Levi gives Erwin, the two of them communicating something that was lost to you entirely. 

You tighten your seatbelt one last time and swallow the pills Eren gave you. You decide five is a good amount, enough to knock you for the first five hours of the flight, if Levi and Erwin’s words were correct. As the safety feature starts and the plane starts moving on the runway, you feel yourself getting a little drowsy, your eyes fluttering closed. 

 - 

Your eyes shoot open, your ears popping from the altitude. You feel yourself nestled in someone’s arms, the embrace tight. 

You feel your blood turn cold. Did you fall asleep on Erwin after taking the pills? This has to be a new low. 

You release yourself from the embrace, your cheeks turning red at the embarrassing thought. You feel him move behind you, his hand reaching for your shoulder. 

“Y/N, you okay?” 

You look back over, realizing you were lying in Eren’s arms. Eren. But wait, what happened to Erwin? You look past him, seeing Levi still sitting in his seat, leaning against the window fast asleep. So you didn’t imagine the men you were sitting next to. 

“What happened to Erwin?” you whisper, rubbing your eyes to clear your sight. 

“Who?” he whispers in response. 

“The guy who was sitting here.” 

“Oh, Eyebrows. Well, I came to check on you after we took off, but you were fast asleep. I came back after an hour and you were knocked out. I kept coming back, worried that you were allergic to the pills or that they were too strong or something. I think he felt bad I kept coming back, that he offered to switch so I could keep an eye on you. He’s sitting with Mikasa now.” he explains. 

“That’s my fault. I took five of them instead of one. The guy in the window, Levi, mentioned that they don’t really work so I figured if I took more maybe they would.” 

Eren narrows his eyes at you, looking into yours. In hindsight, you realize taking that many was a little bit too far. He reaches for your wrist, his fingers intertwining with yours. 

“Don’t do that again.” he whispers, his voice slightly angry.

You feel the guilt sit in your throat. You knew Eren had a tendency to think in the worst case scenario, something you related to all too well. You place a hand on his shoulder, looking into his green eyes. 

“Sorry, ‘Ren. I was just scared.” you whisper. 

You see him soften under your touch, shaking his head at your words. 

“I know. Close your eyes and rest now, don’t think too much about the plane.” he says, opening his arm for you to rest on his shoulder. 

You nod, leaning into his shoulder, enveloped by the smell of his laundry detergent and honey dew cologne.  

 - 

After what feels like hours, you give up on trying to rest like Eren asked you to. He’s currently resting his head against your shoulder, fast asleep on your arm. 

You look over to find Levi, awake and reading his book once again. You see that he’s nervously twitching his leg, looking unsettled. You feel guilty for letting Erwin move for you, especially when he mentioned Levi gets uncomfortable. 

“I’m sorry Erwin switched. I wouldn’t have let him if I was awake.” you whisper, catching Levi’s attention. 

Levi looks up from his book, his gray eyes glaring into yours. You curse yourself for speaking, having interrupted his reading for a second time now. You shoot a small smile at him, feeling your palms get sweaty as you feel Levi cursing you down to your soul. 

“He kept coming back, pressing his fingers to your neck to make sure your pulse was still there. Six times in twenty minutes.” he says, after an unbearably long silence. 

The guilt settling in your chest feels even worse, looking down at Eren who was still sleeping against your shoulder. You place a hand in his hair, untangling the knots forming at the back of his head. You feel your heart tighten in your chest, feeling horrible for worrying him, when all he did was make sure you were okay. 

Some more time passes, Levi’s words still ringing in your heads. You’re dreaming up all the ways you can make it up to Eren, maybe convincing the rest of them to let him see the beaches in Amalfi, which were currently not on your travel docket. Or buying him a really expensive watch he had been eyeing. It was out of your price budget, but you could make it work. 

Levi breaks the silence again, shutting his book. 

“Let him help you. You’re not doing loverboy the service you think you are when you deny him.” 

“Loverboy?” 

He narrows his eyes down, signaling at Eren. You look over at him, confused at his words. Loverboy? He narrows his eyes down to Eren and then back to you. He turns back over to his left, leaning his forehead against the wall to sleep again. You look back down at Eren, left to ponder Levi’s words. 

 - 

At some point, you dozed off, your head leaning against Eren’s. However, the service announcement over the speaker announced that you would be landing in five minutes, strartles you awake. As you lift your head from Eren’s shoulder, you look over to see him with his glasses on, reading a book. The Lost Book of Herbal Remedies. 

He closes the book as you sit up, his fingers brushing through the tangles in your hair. He smiles over at you, wordlessly placing a granola bar and a water bottle on the tray in front of you. You open your mouth to protest, but spot the back of Levi’s jet black hair, as he looks out the window. 

His words from the night before ring in your head, the protest dying on your tongue. You take the granola bar, ripping into it. You look over at Levi and you swear the tiniest makings of a smile are spreading across his face. He turns to you, glaring at the sight of you looking at him. You smile in return, silently thanking him anyways. 

As the plane hits the ground, you feel your heart ease, the cursed plane ride finally being over. Eren looks over at you, smiling at you as well, your hands still locked together. 

As people start leaving their seats, you and Eren stand in the aisle, reaching for your luggage. You look over to see Erwin joining Levi, removing their bags from the compartment next to yours. You figure he couldn’t reach without Erwin anyways.  Levi turns over to the two of you, leaning close to Eren’s face. 

“Tell her what you told us or I’ll find you on the coast and wring out your neck myself.” he says, pointing his finger at Eren and stalking away to exit the plane. 

You shoot him a confused look, shocked by the threat Levi had just made. Erwin turns to the two of you, placing a hand on your shoulders. 

“The two of you look great together. Best of luck, Eren!” he says, striding off to join Levi, the two of them joining hands and passing you one last glance as they exit off the plane. 

You and Eren quietly exit off the plane, with the five of them already at the gate, tracking down the hotel reservations. 

“What were they talking about?” you ask Eren, pushing your bags down the bridge.

“When I asked to switch places with Erwin, Levi asked for one good reason as to why he should do that. So, I gave them a reason.” he says, pulling the hood of his jacket off the top of his head. 

“Which was?” you ask, your voice trailing in the air. 

He pauses, exiting off the bridge and turning to you. 

“That you won’t accept my help. Or Connie, or Jean’s, or Mikasa’s. That you’ll suffer in silence, freaking out on planes, stressing during parties, crying on your birthdays. If I make one plane easier for you, maybe you’ll be receptive to the rest too.” he says, not missing the tone of anger in his voice. 

You stare at him, stunned by his words. 

“That and the fact that you took five pills instead of one nearly made my head explode.” he says. 

“You needed luck to tell me that?”

You see the frustration in the lines of his forehead, the reason for his anger lost to you completely.

“I needed luck to tell you that I like you.” he says, practically seething.

Levi’s words from the plane ring back to you. You’re not doing loverboy the service you think you are when you deny him.

You swallow the lump in your throat. Eren likes you. Eren likes you. The thought of confessing makes you nervous, the thoughts of him running in the other direction passing through your mind.

You’re not doing loverboy the service you think you are when you deny him.

Levi’s words weigh heavy on your conscience, with Eren still waiting for a response. You leap.

“The thought of you makes me nervous. Every time you look at me, my heart starts racing, pounding in my chest. Every time you touch me, my skin burns at the touch, tingling for minutes after. Every time you speak to me, you make my heart glow.” 

You look up at him, not missing the shock plastered on his face. 

“Make it easier for me to look at you. I need your help because I don’t know how to do this with you.” you say, the words trembling out of your lips. 

He looks at you, his eyes softening at the sight of you. His hands rise to cradle the sides of your cheeks. You squint at the contact, feeling the nervousness rise in your chest again. His lips rest against the top of your forehead, pressing a soft, gentle kiss to your skin. 

“We’ll go slow. Until it’s easy to look at me. Then to touch me. And then to talk to me.” he says, whispering against your hair. 

You smile up at him, the nervousness in your chest settling down. You nod, returning the smile he’s giving you. The two of you link arms, passing Levi and Erwin in the store nearby, joining the group at the end of the gate. 

You don’t miss Erwin and Levi’s stares, silently wondering if they stood around to watch you and Eren exit the plane. You wave at them as you pass, smiling brightly at the two of them. They quickly turn heads, pretending not to see you all together. 

-  

“Told you they’d get together. She’s definitely less stubborn than you were. ” 

“Shut up, Erwin.” 

[wonderiing-wanderiing]

love is a kaleidoscope - e. williams

Tags: Reader has no specified gender, angsty question mark, rocky relationship, some use of profanity (please take this lightly. like grain of salt lightly.), ellie is kind of ooc i think, set somewhat in the canon typical universe, mentions(?) of mental health struggles

A/N: I was trying to write another fic but I couldn’t do it. I suck at multitasking buuuuut, chappell roan inspired fic! Kaleidoscope is honestly a banger so everyone should stream when they read this! (I doubt anyone will do this but trust me! It’s for ambiance.)

Ellie hadn’t been herself lately. Going out early and coming back late, quieter, moping around, anxious, paranoid. Usually you’d been able to get her out of her moods with some attention but it seemed as if she’d been dead set on staying in this one. It didn’t matter what you tried — nothing worked.

“Ellie, I just wanna help you.” You spoke softly as you approached her drawing desk. “You’re not yourself lately.” You felt sorry for her, but she seemed to hate that. Since the day of Joel’s death and the meeting in Santa Barbara with Abby, everything had changed; understandably so. But you wanted to be there for her.

She was scared to let people in. She didn’t know what to say or when it would ever be safe again. Seeing how much you cared, she had harbored some resentment towards your persistence. She never understood how someone could be so interested in bettering someone who’d obviously been going through something.

It was hard to say, but sometimes she wants silence. She doesn’t wanna be reminded of how she needs to get out more or how much you’d wanna make her feel better by doing things you’d done before the outbreak. Truthfully? To her, it could never be the same — not without Joel. She lost a part of herself. “Ellie. Ellie, please look at me.”

She spares a glance in your direction for a moment. “If you really wanna go, I’ll never make you stay. Seriously. I want what’s best for you— for us, this relationship. If you need to go your own way, so be it.”

The relationship you had with Ellie had always been somewhat rocky. After she initially left to find Abby, the revenge took over her mind and made for a new and ugly personality. It was the same thing. Revenge. Revenge. Revenge. It was like a curse. One that seems to linger no matter how many times you discourage it from coming back. Ellie seemed to have her mind set on killing that woman Abby. That’s probably what had done it for her.

“I’ll totally understand if we need to be apart. I truly do. It’ll just.. take some time before we could even be friends again or something.” You shrug. “But why? Why would it be weird to go back to the way we’d already been?” Ellie finally speaks, her voice raw and hoarse. “Dealing with this sorta thing is hard. I think I’d need some time before I decide we can be friends again. I’d still look at you and say, yknow, you’re my girlfriend; but in reality we’re.. exes.”

Ellie understands, but it’s a hard pill to swallow. In her eyes, love was beautiful and blissful yet still confusing. How it worked? We’ll never know. Nobody does. Once you fall into it, you fall hard, and it feels like a punch in the gut once you realize that this isn’t forever.

Even with all the beauties of love, being inlove and being loved, she was afraid to let it in. She was always kinda closed off-ish when it came to herself.

“Things like this are.. big, and wild and confusing, I know. Emotions are big. Love is a big one,” You began speaking, yet gently and slowly. “But sometimes, it’s necessary to just.. take some time away from it, you know?” Ellie nods along with what you were saying.

“Maybe we do need a little break from eachother. To think about if we can keep going with this. All I can think right now is how fucking tired I am, and how I want this to work, but I don’t know how.” Ellie sighs. “I’ve been trying to be better for you but it feels impossible. I don’t know what to even do anymore,” Her hands tangle in her short hair as she thinks about what she’d say next.

“I love you a lot. I really do. But we need to take some time away from eachother.” Ellie says, holding your hands. It stings, but you knew this was coming. It was like bracing yourself before a punch you knew was coming to you.

“Yeah. I think so too.” You mumble back. You look at Ellie, she looks at you. She stands up to embrace you and you just let the tears you kept bottled up out while she rubs your back.

[nctsplug02]

can i please request mr and mrs jeong having a fight as mrs jeong was preoccupied and is BUSY with works leaving mr jeong wanting just a piece of time and attention from his wife—it starts with them having a big full on yelling fight (and maybe ending it with soft or angry sex AND ofc aftercare)

[6:39pm]

genre: fluff, smut and angst.

warnings: arguing, drinking, unprotected sex, clit-play, nipple play, kissing, vanilla sex and aftercare.

“i— yes, i understand.” you sigh, kicking open the door and balancing the stacks of papers on your chest. “okay— right now, i will have to call you back. and, yes. i will look over your case, mr fiddle.” you hang up with a groan before falling onto the ground.

“h—honey?” jaehyun hurries towards you seeing you attempting to stack up the folders. “are you okay?” he gets on his knees and helps you up. “i’m fine—?” before you can even finish your sentence, your phone rings.

jaehyun hands you your phone and you thank him. “hello?” you answer, sticking your phone between your shoulder and ear. “y—yes, mrs ivy. i understand.. yes, the divorce papers are being printed at this very moment.”

jaehyun stands up with the stacks of folders. “kitchen, please,” you whisper and he leads the way. “no, my.. my office is closed and it will not be opened until— mrs ivy?” you sigh and stare down at your phone to see it blank.

“you hungry, baby?” jaehyun wraps his arms around your waist and you turn. “very,” you bring your arms around his neck. “haven’t eaten all day because of all these non-stop calls—?” with a groan, you drop your head onto jaehyuns chest.

“don’t answer it, baby.” you shake your head and pry yourself away from him. “i have to, unless you want me jobless.” you swipe your phone off the counter before answering.

“hello, this is jeong y/n?” you walk away from jaehyun. “yes, i am fully aware of that. no, court is at 9AM tomorrow morning. yes.. okay, will do. i’ll have to run back to my office and get your file— sure thing, mr mendler.” you toss your phone on the counter.

jaehyun leans against the counter. “so, what would you like for dinner—?” you shake your head with a groan. “no, it’s fine, hon. i’ll just pick up some chicken before coming back—?” he turns and tilts his head to you. “before coming back? where are you going?”

“didn’t you hear while—?” you sigh and ruffle your hair. “i have to run back to my office so i can pick up a clients file. he has court tomorrow and i need his file.” jaehyun frowns a bit. “do you have to?” you cup his face. “yes, i have to. itll be quick, i promise.” you pat around you.

“have you seen my keys?” you ask him and he cups your face this time. “baby, you’ve been working and working and.. working. let’s have some wine and let’s relax, yeah?” you remove his hands and you exhale.

“honey, i do not have time for relaxing. i am working several cases right now and relaxing is not on my list at the moment. so, if i can make it to the office quicker and get the file, it’ll be quicker for me to get home!”

jaehyuns confused by your sudden eruption. “honey..” he goes to cup your face but you back up. “with having to take care of two fucking kids and, and all these damn cases is just so much fucking stress.” you slam your hand down on the counter.

“wait, two kids?” jaehyun questions. “yes! you and hannie!” he wants to smile at your words but it was a serious topic. “all this stress piling up, day by day by day! urgh, i need a fucking break!”

your eyes lower down to jaehyuns fingers, patiently tapping on the counter. “me going to get my clients files would be a great opportunity for me to get some fresh air. is that okay or should i just take a chill-pill and relax?” jaehyun nods.

“you’re right, i’m sorry. you’ve been under a lot of stress and a lot of pressure. and, i’m sorry for adding more stress onto your plate.” his voice was so gentle, even after your bitchy fit.

“thank you,” you inhale slowly before exhaling. “i’ll be back in twenty. i love you.” you turn and exit the kitchen. “i love you!” jaehyun shouts before hearing your keys jingle and the door slam.

jaehyun wakes up to his phone going off. “hello?” he croaky voice answers. “hi, is this hubby dummy?” he chuckles at the nickname and sighs. “yes, this is him. who is this?” jaehyun rubs his eyes and looks at the clock on your nightstand.

jaehyuns eyes widen at the time; 3:33AM. “i’m darren paul, a bartender from the neo nights bar— i’m calling about your wife. she’s drunk and she asked me to call you.” he sighs and climbs out of bed. “alright, you tell my girl that i’ll be there, okay?” he turns on the lamp on his nightstand. “yes, sir.” the line goes dead.

several minutes later and you’re stumbling out of the car while jaehyun unclips his daughter out of her carseat. “i’m fine, baby.” you mumble, stumbling into the house. “no, you clearly aren’t.” he kicks off his shoes and brings hannie upstairs.

“jae,” you call out. “jae?” you raise your voice. “jae?!” you were starting to get impatient with his no response. “what, baby? i’m right here, i was putting hannie down.” jaehyuns rushing down the stairs and into the kitchen.

jaehyun walks into a quiet kitchen. you were staring at him, blankly. “what a sexy man i married.” you whisper and sit up. “those.. sexy arms.. that sexy face.. mmm, mama likes.” you bite your lip and walk towards him.

“baby, you’re drunk and tired. let’s go to bed, yeah?” you shake your head at his suggestion. “how about.. we have a little time to ourselves.. on the counter?” he seemed displeased at your suggestion and the sultry tone.

you wrap your hands around his nape and you jump without warning causing you and jaehyun to fall. “aw, shit.” you mewl, covering your face in embarrassment. “my god, baby. are you okay?” you shake your head and sigh. “i’m.. alright—?” you go to bring your hands up to his nape again, only to hear him groan in pain.

“ssshhhhit,” jaehyun buries his face in your neck and cries out in pain. “what— what happened? did i do something?” you feel him lifting his weight off you before helping you up.

“you stabbed me in the eye with your fingers.” he holds his eyes. “oh, my! i’m sorry, does it hurt—?” he sighs and rubs his eye. “i’m fine, but are you okay? you took a hard fall?” he rubs your back. “i’m fine but, your eye?” he shakes his head.

jaehyun grabs your wrists and kisses your hands. “i’m fine, baby. but, what were you even trying to do?” you chew the inside of your cheek, too embarrassed to admit what you even attempted two minutes ago.

“i was.. trying to be sexy.” you look down. “sexy?” your head quickly jerks up at his tone. “wha—? yes, i was trying to be sexy! but, clearly it didn’t work so, now i’m embarrassed.” you could see a small grin slowly grow on jaehyuns lips. “aww, baby. don’t be.” he cups your face.

you look up into his eyes. “you were being sexy. very, sexy.” he interlaces his fingers around your nape. “or at least, i found you sexy.” you look down at his lips as he leans forward. “meanie.” you mumble before he presses his lips onto yours.

jaehyun lifts you off the counter and lifts up your dress, slipping it over your ass. “it is way to early for this.” jaehyun says, pulling away with his forehead attached to yours.

jaehyun pulls off the string clothing just above your thighs before he tilts you back with your legs up and on his shoulder. your hand grips on the counter as he undoes his sweats and pushes down his sweats and briefs.

you give a look at jaehyun who jerks himself while staring you down with a smirk. you and jaehyun both let out an extended groan when he slips in.

he brings his hand up and slams it down, delivering a rough smack to your ass cheek. you yelp and jerk at the burning feeling spreading all over your ass.

jaehyun thrusts making you shake with his thrusts. he reaches forward and pulls on your top, making your breasts spill out. “ooohh, fuck.” he hisses with a nose scrunch as he grabs your bouncing tits and gives them a hard squeeze.

“s—s—top..” you whine, failing to hold his wrist and holding your weight. “aww, does my baby not like to be teased?” all of a sudden, you’re yelping as he pinches and pulls on your nipple.

jaehyun pounds his hips, letting his hips smack against your thighs. “you’ve been so stressed, haven’t you?” he coos, slipping in his thumb onto your tongue. you nod while sucking on his thumb pad and humming around it.

the wetness of your wet folds squelching around his dick as he repeatedly thrusts into you. his groans and your moans bouncing off the thick walls of the kitchen.

“what a good pussy.” jaehyun tilts his head and uses his thumb to rub your clit. “j—jae!” you whine, biting down on your bottom lip and tossing your head back.

jaehyun reaches forward and tilts your chin up. “can you be a good girl and cum for me?” you nod and he rubs your bottom lip with a tut. “good,” he removes his hand from your face and continuously pistols his hips into yours.

jaehyun knew how to make you feel good. you and him have been married for almost a decade. jaehyun was your first everything.

“j—?!” you grasp onto his hand and he nods, purring to you. you moan and fall on your back as your orgasm hits you hard.

but jaehyun doesn’t stop. instead, he continues thrusting and continues to chase his own orgasm. “oh, baby,” he pants, grabbing your thighs more. “you feel.. so.. so good.” he grunts, leaning his sweaty forehead against your legs.

“baby.. baby..” he pants and cries out before your thighs clamp as his hot cum shoots into you. jaehyuns hips stutter as he slams them several times before stopping.

“shower?” jaehyun suggests and you nod.

jaehyun lifts you off the counter and carries you upstairs to the bathroom. “do you want to take a bubble bath or do you want to take a shower?” he asks, holding onto the faucet. “a shower,” jaehyun opens the shower door and then twists the knob until water squirts out of the shower head.

jaehyun lifts you off the counter and brings you into the shower. “can you hold me?” he wraps his arms tightly around your waist and tucks his chin on your shoulder. “i’m so.. exhausted.” you sigh, leaning your head back into his cheek.

“i’m know, baby. i know.” he reaches over and pumps some of your body wash into his palm before rubbing it all over your body and getting it bubbly.

he rubs your neck and it causes you to moan out. your neck and shoulders were so sore from carrying so many files. jaehyun clears his throat and pauses his rubbing before moving to your shoulders.

you moan, again. jaehyun slightly pulls closer to you and you glance back. “please take care of it?” you sigh, voice slightly whiney. “i know, i’m sorry.” jaehyuns boner poking you right on the ass.

after the shower, jaehyun helps you into the room and jnto some fresh clothes; his shirt and his shorts. he applies on some peach mango lotion before putting you to bed.

“i’m sorry for telling you to relax, earlier. i know you’ve been under a lot of stress but, i just wanted to spend time with my wife, y’know? i’ve been missing you. hannie does too.” you cuddle more into his warmth and chest. “thank you. and, i’m sorry for yelling. i shouldn’t have. it was immature of me to. i love you.”

jaehyun was always the first to apologize and you appreciated that. you were too hard to stay away from and jaehyun couldn’t stand a chance being away from you.

“ah, honey. i love you more.” he litters your forehead with a kiss and sighs.

no, you loved each other equally.

[thenightfolknetwork]

Greetings and salutations! Most people writing in say that it’s their first time doing so. I admit, that isn’t quite the case for me. I sent in a letter back in 1942, asking about whether or not I should medically transition—though of course the terminology was a bit different then.

I admit, I don’t remember the specifics of your response, but whatever it was, within twelve months I was taking testosterone pills. And I’ve been on HRT since then! It’ll be eighty years come January. I suppose I’m what you might call an elder in the community, though I certainly don’t look it.

That’s sort of why that I’m writing to you again. As you know, most genuses age getting older, but some age getting younger. My genus, whatever it is, does a combination of the two. I aged normally from when I was born til when I was 73. At that point, I died, spent about a day and a half decomposing, a day and a half un-decomposing, and then popped up out of my casket! My relatives were… surprised, to say the least. I think we all were. Regardless, I grew younger at the same rate until I was seven years and four months old, and then boomeranged and started growing older again. I’m currently in my third repeat of this cycle, putting me at about 375.

I don’t mind it, honestly. I know that a lot of folks who grow younger tend to dislike it, for very understandable reasons—being patronized by someone a fifteenth of your age is quite an experience. But aside from the condescension and not always being able to reach the top shelf, I think it’s pretty fun! Nothing beats hide-and-seek as a nine year old, and when I’m in the de-aging half of life, it’s always a relief to get my 30-year-old knees back.

There is another aspect to it, though. However my body ages, it de-ages in the exact same way, no more and no less. For example, let’s say I get a tattoo when I’m 27 years and two days old, while aging up. I’ll have that tattoo through when I die, and all the way back down to when I’m 27 years and 3 days old. It’ll disappear sometime during the following day, and by the time I’m 27 years and one day old, it’ll be like I never got it done. It’ll pop up again the next time I’m that age, but for those 40-ish years, I just won’t have it.

And attempts to change by body while I’m growing younger all vanish after the day—I’ve become very well-versed in wigs for this reason. I can change my body while aging up again (I don’t choose the tattoo example lightly; someday I’ll figure out a system that prevents me from getting overlapping ones), but it's a rather long wait.

Still, it’s primarily just a nuisance. I’ve had plenty of time to figure out workarounds and roundabouts. However. I’m almost 34 right now, and have about 14 months until I hit the date I first took testosterone. My boy-thday, if you will. Ahem. Anyway. For the past few years, I’ve been slowly but surely getting a body closer to the one I had when I started medically transitioning.

I’ve tried continuing to take T, consulting with other people who grow younger, even contracting time travelers to see what they could do, all to no avail. When these 14 months are up, I’ll have a form indistinguishable from the one I was so desperate to escape. From then, it’ll be about 20 years until I’ll have even a little-kid sort of androgyny again.

I have lived through this period in my life before. I’ve lived through it on five separate occasions. I will be alright. But every time, it hurts. Quite a lot. And I fear that these upcoming two decades will hurt even more, since I’ll know what it’s like to live without that underlying sense of constant pain.

I’m not exactly sure what I’m asking here, maybe you can tell me what my question is, but, um. Do you have any advice?

Thank you so much for writing in, reader. It's always lovely to hear from people who have found my advice helpful in the past, and I hope I can offer you the same comfort and support you felt in 1942.

An important thing to remember here is that, no matter what stage of life your body is at, it is still your body. To be clear: a trans body. Your physical appearance may seem to be resetting, but your life experience is not wiped out by each new cycle. You carry with you all your past experiences, and all your current perspectives.

You may or may not consider yourself to have been male during your first adolescence. The way we frame our own histories naturally varies from person to person, and not everyone retroactively identifies their younger self in the same way they identify in the present.

But regardless of how you perceive that earlier self, your current self is undoubtedly transgender. That doesn't change just because your body does. When your dysphoria starts to rear its head, hold onto that. Your body does not define your gender, and your identity is valid no matter what you look like.

Of course, you still need to find ways to manage that dysphoria when it happens. I'm sure you're well aware of your options for temporary, daily management of your appearance through wigs, gender affirming clothing, and so on. You might also consider applying a glamour to yourself to help your outward appearance more closely match your inner self.

If you're not a practitioner yourself, you can either use ready-made glamours or hire a practitioner to craft one to your own specifications. Even off-the-rack glamours can be expensive, however, so you may want to save this option for special occasions rather than daily use.

Beyond that, your best defences against the anguish of gender dysphoria are good mental and emotional health, and a supportive community. Be sure to practise regular self-care (real self-care, not the type invented to sell face masks and scented candles) and lean on your loved ones as much as you need to during this difficult period.

Finally, remember: your body is not the enemy here. You deserve to be treated with gentleness, love and kindness, and this extends to your physical self, too. Try to develop a practice of mindfulness and active gratitude, checking in with your body regularly and taking note of all the joys you can experience as a physical being, from enjoying the cold wind on your cheeks or the smell of clean bedding, to the delights of good sex, delicious food, or a hot shower after a long day.

This is a difficult time of your life, and you have my sympathy. But I don't believe it has to be a source of “constant pain”. Treat yourself kindly, let others support you, and know that no matter what the world perceives, you know who you are, and nobody can take that away from you.

[miracles-and-butterflies]

Okay, I don't have an idea for a comment to continue. But let's pretend I've write something

Okay.

~~~~~~

Luisa continues ignoring the rest of the family for the next few hours.

Mirabel does too. It’s not that she doesn’t have a choice in the matter - if she asked, Luisa would take her to see whoever she wanted or bring them to her as soon as - it’s just she’s in too much pain.

They make a few trips downstairs for food and drink. Luisa’s room (all the magic rooms really) are so big and full, they really want for nothing.

Mirabel asks for a shower at one point and Luisa does turn that down because she knows Mirabel can’t stand. Instead, she lets her sister use one of the Greek-style baths. That way she can also make sure Mirabel won’t faint or anything.

As expected, just bathing drains Mirabel of the bit of energy she had and once she’s dry and dressed, she falls asleep. Luisa just lets her rest for the time being.

But then there’s a whimper. And another whimper. And another.

“Mirabel? Are you awake?”

She reaches over for a light and Mirabel’s tears are illuminated against her skin and the pillow. Considering Mirabel doesn’t immediately stir, she was already awake.

“What’s wrong, hermanita?” Luisa asks.

“It hurts,” Mirabel sobs quietly. “It hurts so much.”

It’s now Luisa maybe regrets being so harsh to their mother.

“I’m going to go get Mama,” Luisa said. “Can you sit up for me? It’ll be easier to breathe if you aren’t curled up. I’ll only be gone a minute—”

Mirabel moves, but not to sit up, just to grab Luisa’s hand.

They’re doing this again.

Luisa scoops Mirabel gently back up into her arms and heads downstairs.

The adults all spring up on Luisa as soon as they see her and she hits one or two of them when they try taking Mirabel from her. She isn’t sure who. She’s too focused on keeping Mirabel and finding their mother.

The woman is in the kitchen preparing dinner and Camilo is helping in Luisa’s place.

Her train of thought collapses.

“What the fuck?” Luisa questions. “Why is he here?”

Camilo hastily backs away from where he was cutting vegetables, cowering behind the counter from his cousin.

“Language. He’s here fulfilling his punishment, pay no attention to him.” Julieta explained. She dusted her hands on her apron, before reaching for a still crying Mirabel.

Luisa took a step back. “No. Tell the brat to fuck off. I don’t want him here.”

Julieta simply glanced at her nephew, who didn’t need telling twice and gladly scurried out of the kitchen before Luisa could try anything.

“What’s happened? What’s wrong, mi amor?” Their mother hushed Mirabel gently.

“It hurts. Everywhere.” Mirabel answers.

There isn’t the option of healing and removing the injury entirely, so Julieta wanders over to the medicine cabinet and pulls out a bottle.

“What will that do?” Luisa narrows her eyes at it, almost suspiciously. It’s not one she recognises.

“It’ll numb the pain for a few hours. It won’t get rid of it, but it should make it a bit easier for Mirabel.” Julieta sighed. “I can’t give her anything else on an empty stomach and she can’t take pills.”

Luisa takes the bottle and sniffs it. For medicine, it isn’t too unpleasant.

She sits Mirabel down on the counter, back against the wall, while she goes to retrieve a spoon. She can’t help but stop and scoff at Camilo’s pitiful cooking attempt.

Mirabel for her part has stopped crying, but she’s taking in deep breaths as she stares at the ceiling. At least she’s got her eyes open - one of them is completely bloodshot. It must be soothing too, against the cool tiles and the fresh night air from the window, but with the nearby heat from whatever is cooking from the stove.

Julieta takes the opportunity to get close now that Luisa’s stepped away, first checking the bandaged leg and then the rest of her youngest.

Luisa can’t help but stop and scoff at Camilo’s pitiful cooking attempt.

[didee-anne]

Random stuff update

Had Addie’s birthday party yesterday! First party I didn’t take a single picture of, not even the cupcake tray. Rory snapped a few pictures and he had Jen record a few things so there are some pics to remember it. Most of the adults stayed as well and hung out and it just made me so freaking happy seeing Addie with all her cousins and friends, seeing all the adults chatting in little groups but not in a clicky way, there was plenty of pizza and cupcakes and chips for everyone…

Addie wanted to play pass the parcel so I bought a bunch of stickers and hair pretties and tattoos and glowsticks and then Jen put 2 parcels together and it took the kids a solid 30 minutes to get through them but since there were 2 parcels going at the same time none of the kids complained because they didn’t have to wait too long before it was their turn again. The middle prizes were little stuffies and they were a hit.

Moved the chicks out to a kennel in the chicken coop last week and I’m amazed at how much they’ve grown already! They’re turning into such pretty birds. I can’t tell which ones are hens and which ones are roos yet but that’s ok. By the time summer is over I should have an idea and I’m hoping to move them out of the kennel to be with the rest of the chickens in another month or maybe two. I’m hoping sooner rather than later but I can’t rush it otherwise they’ll get picked on hardcore and no one wants that.

I started a new antidepressant last week and am currently taking half a pill. I’m supposed to bump up to a whole pill on Wednesday but the half pill makes me slightly nauseous 20 minutes after taking it so I’m not looking forward to what a whole one will do. The nausea doesn’t last long though so it’s not that big of a deal but it’s not my favorite. If it helps make me not such an angry/sad ball of rage and tears then I’m fine with it but it’s too soon to tell how effective it’ll be.

The kids are supposed to have state testing the next two weeks but we don’t test so they’re not going to any of their Homelink classes and it’s like a second spring break but with slightly better weather! I mean, they do test because it’s required but we opt out of the state testing and do a different one that’s much more low key and is done by a person and not a computer.

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Compromised One Shot - All About Family ^**

Harry finally goes to meet and check in on Y/N's family. I really love how this one turned out! And I also really love the smut, it's very romantic but hot!

WC: 8.1k

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy struggles, grief, mentions of death and suicide, daddy kink smut.

Full Fic Masterlist

Being married hadn’t really changed the dynamic between Harry and Y/N, the biggest difference over their four months of being married was that their sex lives had morphed to include actual baby-making sessions when she was ovulating. Harry had yet to get Y/N pregnant and it did weigh a little bit on them. When he got checked everything seemed to be normal, the doctor just told him that maybe it wasn’t the right time yet. And when Y/N got checked she was told that it might be a little while before she could actually get pregnant. She had been on birth control since the age of 13 - she was now 30 - her hormones were trying to rebalance themselves without the help of birth control; it would take time for her body to be prepared for a successful pregnancy. The doctor was very kind, but candid even about the increased possibility of miscarriages the first couple times, Y/N was alright hearing it, but Harry squeezed her hand with nerves. Y/N had gotten off of her pills the week before the wedding and she was aware that it could take some people time to be able to actually get pregnant. Hearing from a professional that these challenges they were having were normal was relieving, so she wasn’t all that worried about it after hearing that but Harry seemed to still be carrying a brunt of the concern.

“Dottorra, sei sicuro? Ci stiamo provando già da quattro mesi.” He told the doctor and she nodded.

“Assolutamente. Tutto sembra normale. Sii paziente.” She smiled and Harry nodded.

“You hear her, it’s fine.” She said to Harry, who nodded, still anxious.

“It can be a couple of months or maybe even a year before it can happen.” The doctor then said in a slightly broken English. She was a sweet woman who liked when they came in because it gave her the chance to practice her English and them their Italian. This made Harry even more nervous and Y/N looked at the state he was in and decided it might be good to know if there was anything she could do to improve her chances.

“Mi consigliate qualcosa per migliorare le nostre possibilità di concepimento?” Y/N proceeded to ask for any recommendations to improve chances of conception and the doctor nodded and gave some supplements and diet recommendations that have been proven to boost egg quality. Healthy egg plus healthy sperm should equal a baby she assured them and with this fresh in their minds they headed home.

“I’m relieved to know there’s not any serious issues.” He said as he hugged Y/N from behind. She was currently grabbing some water and she smiled.

“Told you it was gonna be fine.” She said and he hummed into her shoulder, “Are you sure you’re gonna be fine with a baby though? Gonna have to share me for the rest of our lives.” She pointed out with a grin.

“Baby, it’s 50-50.” He said and she was cracking up in his arms as he said this.

“More like 90-10.” She said after she calmed and he huffed.

“Are you sure about that?” He questioned.

“Definitely, baby, it would need us to survive. Basically gonna be using my body for that the first year at least.” She said.

“It?” He laughed.

“Well, I don’t know what it’ll be!” She defended her phrasing.

“Jesus… Imagine that, an ex-mafia member and an ex-CIA agent coming together and having a kid. The type of parents we’ll be…” He mumbled in disbelief and she smirked.

“Hey, I know plenty of regular people who are horrendous parents. If anything, I think our life experiences are advantages. Besides, our parents did amazing jobs.” She said and he hummed in agreement and a silence fell over them for a second, “You know, we can wait a little more. We don’t have to plan it on purpose, we can just…let it happen when it’s meant to happen.” She said and he nibbled on his lip for a moment.

“We should plan, what if he have a Capricorn baby?” He asked and she laughed again and he grinned at successfully lightening the mood for a second, “Is it selfish of me if I say we should definitely wait a little bit more?” He asked, she was still giggling as she turned to face him and he hoisted her up onto the counter and she draped her arms around his neck.

“No baby, it’s not at all. We need to enjoy and solidify our marriage.” She reasoned, “And also make sure we’re on the same page about what we want for our family. What parenting looks like for each of us and do those styles align and are they proven to be good. What values we want to instill in our child. What kind of person we want them to be…it’s a big job. It’s a commitment, bigger than the one we’ve made to each other. I mean, if you think about it we’re choosing to create an entirely new person to add into the mix of this world and we’re sending them out into that world with the tools we have given them  to navigate it and they can do good, but they can also cause harm…” she said and he started feeling more nervous about it, “Being a parent is the most important job, I think. And if I’m going to be a parent I want to make sure that I’m ready to commit the time I need to, to my child to do the best job for them.” She explained her thoughts and he was slightly pouting now, “Did I freak you out?” She asked and he sighed through a smile.

“Just a little. I hadn’t… thought of it like that before. For me it was more like, I love you so much and I have this primal need to make you a mother, to create more with you. I hadn’t considered any of what you just said before… Is that why you never wanted to have kids?” He asked her and she nodded.

“Yeah, part of it. There’s so much good you can do and people can still go…rogue. I mean, look at me. My parents didn’t raise me in the hopes that I’d become a killer.” She said with a small frown.

“Baby, that’s not even the truth. You’re good, you’re so, so good.” 

“I know I am now, but I wasn’t always.” She said, “And I’ve forgiven myself for it, but I can’t let myself forget.” She reminded and he nodded in understanding.

“I think that’s what would make you the most incredible mum. Learning to love and forgive yourself is not something that many people do successfully.” He said and she hummed, “I think you’re completely right about where your head’s at. In my mind just the idea of being able to get you pregnant and having a little you and me combo is what was exciting for me, but  you’re absolutely right, it’s far more than that. I don’t know it was just a childish and simple little thing in my head, like the obvious next step, you know?”

“I’m an over-thinker, you know that. But you’re not being childish, it’s natural to want just the simplicity of a family, it’s not like you were being careless or making light of it, H. I think we’re meant to feel that need, but the world we live in can make the simplest things vastly complicated.” She shrugged, reassuring him that his reasons for wanting a baby weren’t wrong.

“I’ll tell you one thing that’s not complicated,” she hummed to urge him on, “After this very enlightening conversation I’ve concluded that I’m not nearly ready to share you with anyone. For very selfish and hedonistic reasons.” He whispered as he leaned in to press his lips against hers. They smiled into their kiss and parted again.

“I’m not ready to share you either. Want to enjoy us for a little bit longer.” she confessed and he smiled before delving back in to kiss her.

“Good thing we didn’t buy those supplements.” He mumbled and she laughed into the space between them, “So…do you want to go and fuck?” He asked and she giggled.

“I thought we just agreed to wait.”

“Baby, I said ‘fuck’, not make a baby. We haven’t fucked in a while.” He pointed out.

“How about later?” She asked and he pouted and nuzzled himself against the side of her face.

“Tesoro, non torturarmi in quel modo. Ti voglio così tanto.” He mumbled in Italian against the shell of her ear that she was torturing him and he wanted her so badly and she bit down on her lip, he knew what his speaking Italian did to her.

“I know what you’re trying to do.” She responded in English and he grinned against the line of her jaw, she could feel it.

“Non so di cosa stai parlando.” He played dumb as he softly kissed her jaw.

“Sai come mi sento quando mi parli in italiano.” grabbing him by the hair and pulling him back, their eyes meeting again and he grinned smugly as she reiterated to him that he was well aware of what it did to her when he spoke in Italian to her.

“No, non lo so. Dimmi come ti fa sentire.” He responded that he was not aware and to tell him how it made her feel. His green eyes were already dark with lust for her and she bit her grin back as he studied her face for a moment.

“It makes me feel like strangling you.” She joked as she slid her hands up his throat playfully and he hummed.

“That’s the spirit, but just squeeze a little bit tighter, baby.” He smirked and she rolled her eyes at him as she let her hands slide down to his firm chest, “Why don’t you want to have sex with me?” He asked, fully offended and she smiled.

“I do, just not now. My entire reproductive system was just probed at and honestly that speculum was a little big for me and it hurt a little. I’m still feeling like a specimen or something, it’s not you at all.”

“Oh.” He frowned, “I’m sorry, baby. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“Let’s go for a cuddle.” She said and he smiled.

“Alright, hang on tight my little koala bear.” He warned and she clutched tightly to him as he walked them up to their bedroom. Soon they were plopping onto their bed and he got comfy as she hugged around him, trapping his leg between her legs. 

“What’re you gonna read to me?” She asked. When they cuddled like this he always pulled out a book and read to her so that they could practice their Italian. In their lines of work it was important that they both understood the basics, but living here the past two years, they were both getting more fluent, but being with each other all of the time didn’t really give them enough practice, so this is something they did to learn new words.

“Neruda poems, you tell me what you understand.” He mumbled as he opened up the book and she hummed happily, “Corpo di donna, colline bianche, cosce bianche. Come come il mondo, posseduto nella resa. Il mio corpo selvaggio di operaio ti scava e fa…” he paused,  “…esplodere un figlio dalle profondità della terra.” He cleared his throat and she giggled.

“Is this about getting someone pregnant?” She laughed and he chuckled.

“I think so… I promise that wasn’t on purpose. It’s the first one in this book.” He laughed and she joined him as well.

“Gonna explode a son into the depths of me?” She asked through her laugher and he started howling in laughter with her. They rolled around the bed, stomachs cramping up with how hilarious they found this phrasing and finally it died down and they were catching their breaths.

“Exploding a son into you, that sounds awful.” He panted and she sniggered.

“It does. Anyway, continue.” She hummed with a smile and there was silence as he read on silently.

“Oh, this one’s really horny. I can’t take it seriously.” He mumbled and flipped the page as she giggled. He found a more lovely one and started reading that one instead. She did figure most of it out, but soon he started getting drowsy, as he often did when he read. Especially as the cool breeze billowed through their wide open glass doors that led to their ample balcony. When his vision started blurring a bit he put the book down and kissed the top of her head before cuddling closer to her.

“Ti amo, luce della mia vita.” She whispered and he smiled.

“Love you.” He hummed happily. When she called him that, the light of her life, it made Harry feel on top of the world. For so long he felt that he was nothing but darkness and pain. Knowing that to her, he was as radiant as the sun, it just made his heart burst with joy. He wasn’t sure how else he could express that to her, it was too much love for him to hold inside, “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.” He said over and over as he squeezed her close.

When they woke up it was because there was a loud crack of thunder that rattled the windows and glass doors. It was cooler now and the sky was grey as the rain poured down in bucketfuls. The sound was soothing, but she was chilly as was he and they pulled the throw at the end of their bed over their shivering bodies.

“Baby, I’ve been thinking about something.” 

“What is it?” He asked and she bit her lip.

“Ummm, do you think it’s safe enough for you to visit my family now? I’ve been thinking about them a lot and I…I just want to make sure they’re OK.” 

“Yeah, I think we’re alright now. Do you want to go and have me wear a wire or something?” He asked, “How should we do this?”

“No, I don’t want to go. I can’t do it.” She admitted, “Just you. I trust you.”

“OK.” He agreed quietly as his hand smoothed over her tummy.

It was only a few days later that they made the arrangements for him to travel to her hometown. He was only planning to be there two or three days, he also wanted to visit Angelo’s mom on the way back. He was a bit nervous about doing this, but he would of course do anything for her.

*********

Harry had boarded a plane that was soon to touch down in Los Angeles. Now that he was there he felt more anxious about this than before; what if they got upset at him? What if he hurt them more than they were already hurting? Harry was updating  Y/N on his travels and they spoke on the phone the entire drive to her old house where she shared some refresher details about her family to him. 

“Baby, I’m pulling up now.” She breathed out shakily, “Are you sure you don’t want to listen in at least or-”

“No.” She cut in quickly.

“OK. Well, I love you. I’ll let you know what happens.”

“Love you.” She sniffled and how he wanted to wrap her up in a big hug.

“I love you.” He responded and they hung up. He removed his wedding ring and put it in his pocket and took a few deep breaths before he got out of the car he rented and walked up to the front door. The home wasn’t big at all, in fact, it kind of reminded him of his safe house out near his mum’s. But there was that giant magnolia tree out front, the flowers in full bloom from the spring, they looked identical to the ones tattooed on her now and it made him smile. He made it to the door and rung the door bell twice and looked around, the orange hues of the sky were beautiful, it was nearly 6 in the evening. Y/N said they were always home for dinner. He heard some steps coming and in moments the door was unlocked and swung open to reveal a child, a girl, she couldn’t be older that 5. This was strange. Had they moved?

“Hi.” He said with a friendly smile and she just peered up at him silently, “Are your parents home?” He asked and she nodded and he chuckled, “Can you call them for me?” She nodded and just scurried away leaving him alone again and he took a few steps back, to show that he was not a threat, but the child barely made it around the corner before a woman, looking closer to his age hurried up with a concerned frown.

“Who are you?” She asked assertively.

“Ummm, I’m Harry. I was looking for Martha o-or Benjamin?” He asked warily, “This was the last address I had for them.” He explained.

“What is this regarding?” The woman asked.

“It’s a family matter. Is there a forwarding address that you can give me or-”

“I am their family. I’m their niece, Evelyn. This is their house, I’m their tenant now.” She explained, she was clearly feeling protective, which any normal person would.

“Oh my god, hi.” He said as his lips turned up in a smile.

“Sorry, do I know you?” Evelyn asked, looking completely perplexed now. He shook his head.

“No, but I know of you. I umm-” this was harder than he thought.

“How? What is this about?” She asked again.

“Ummm, it’s about…Y/N.” He said tentatively and her face immediately dropped.

“What? How?” She asked and he bit his lip.

“We…were together when she…” he trailed off and Evelyn looked to the ground.

“They told us she was on that motorcycle by herself.” She said tightly, her eyes watery.

“She was. Sorry, let me clarify, I mean we were in a relationship then.” He explained his story.

“What?” Evelyn asked in disbelief and Harry nodded, “Well, what could you possibly want now? It’s been more than ten years.” She sighed in agitation.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause any more hurt to you or them, but ummm, I’m getting engaged soon and I still have some of her things. I held on to them for all this time and it didn’t feel right to just throw them away or mail them off. I couldn’t do that to her.” He said his well rehearsed narrative perfectly and Evelyn sniffled as a few tears fell.

“Why now?” She asked with confusion. Her voice cracked as more tears fell and he nibbled on his lip.

“Ummm, it’s been hard to let her go. But I’m ready now and she always talked about her family and her home and it seemed like the best place to come say goodbye.” He explained and she shook her head.

“You can’t do that!” She scoffed with hurt, “You decided to just show up one day and-Fuck, how could you?” She asked as more tears fell and he frowned.

“I’m so sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have come.” He responded softly and she nodded and he turned away and started to walk back to his car. Y/N would understand, she was prepared for this type of reaction and had told him to just go if it would only make things worse. Obviously it would hurt her to know that they still bore some pain but at least she would know they were alive and well and still learning how to move on. He was about to cross the street to his car when Evelyn’s voice cut through his thoughts of how he would explain this to Y/N.

“Hey! Wait!” She shouted sharply and he turned back to look at her, there was a beat of silence before Evelyn spoke up again, “What do you have of hers?” She asked nervously.

“Just some stuff she had left at my apartment. I can show you.” He offered and she nodded, her eyes softening, “Let me just get it from the car.” He said and hurried to grab the box that had taken up most of the space in his duffle bag. He hurried back over to her.

“D-do you want to come in?” She asked cautiously.

“If you’re OK with it. We can stay out here if you prefer.” He said quickly.

“It’s fine, I need to keep an eye out on the girls.” She said and he nodded and she guided him inside. He followed her through the home, it was small but cute. They peaked into the living room to see her girls watching a Disney movie attentively now and the kitchen overlooked that area, so she switched on the light and sat on the table across from him. He could feel her watching him closely, she was so nervous.

“I ummm, I’ve got some photos we took and a shirt of hers and a necklace and watch…some CD’s, a notebook, just with doodles and random things.” He said as he opened it up and when he glanced up at her she was staring intently at him.

“Did you even go to her funeral? I don’t remember seeing you there.” She stated and he shook his head.

“I couldn’t. When I found out I was…” he stopped and remembered how it felt when that CIA guy took her away, he thought it had lost her forever, “I lost my fucking mind. I was in hysterics.” He said with a frown. “ I completely shut down. I didn’t want to accept it, going meant it was real. I got pulled out of school and went back to England. I regret not going though.” He shared, “I ummm…that night we had gone out with friends and I had this plan that I was going to tell her that I loved her.” He smiled sadly, “I chickened out as we were saying goodbye and I just kissed her, like I normally would. I tried to show her what I was trying to say when I kissed her.” He explained and he could see Evelyn’s tears silently falling, “If I had only known that, that was our final goodbye I would’ve been more brave.” He explained and Evelyn broke out in a sob and he instinctively reached out for her hand and she squeezed it, “I’m so sorry.” He apologized again and she shook her head.

“No, it’s alright. It’s just so unfair.” She gasped through her tears, “She deserved to be happy and it breaks my heart that she never got to experience that for herself. People in high school were so mean to her.” Evelyn explained.

“Yeah, she told me that.” He nodded.

“Yeah, she was excited to start a new life and be with new people and just start over. She knew that leaving would make everything better.” Evelyn explained, “I know she was really happy out there. She was right?” Evelyn whimpered and Harry nodded with a sympathetic smile. 

“Yeah, so incredibly happy.” He assured her and she nodded and pulled their hands apart to wipe under her eyes.

“Ughhh…” she sniffled and gathered herself for a second, “Can you show me the stuff?”

“Of course.” He nodded and started putting things down for her to see. She looked through the notebook and then through the pictures they had taken a while back and Evelyn smiled down at one of Y/N with a plate of pancakes in her hands.

“Her and her pancake obsession.” She giggled and Harry nodded, “And always with that same haircut… she was so resistant to changing it.”

“Yeah.” He chuckled, “I really like the next one.” He said and she moved on to it. This was one they had taken when they first got to Italy, Evelyn obviously didn’t know that, but it was a really nice one. He was smooshing a big kiss to her cheek as she laughed, her eyes were shut tight, but it exuded pure happiness. Evelyn smiled down at it.

“You don’t want this one?” She asked glancing up at him.

“I did keep some of us but they’re a little more platonic though granted the whole engagement thing.” He explained.

“Right, of course.” She responded and he nodded. 

She then moved on to the other items, the university t-shirt she liked to wear, it still kind of smelled like her perfume. He then explained that she had left a bottle of her favorite spray and lotion at his place if she wanted it. It was in his luggage and Evelyn was so excited to hear that and explained that, that particular scent had been discontinued. Y/N didn’t smell like that anymore, but maybe she had always planned for something like this to get done for her family or perhaps she just had it stashed away for personal reasons, as a reminder of her old life. Evelyn told him stories about the CD’s Y/N had put in there, they were autographed and they had been looking for them everywhere, it was nice to have some of her favorite items back. Evelyn ended up asking him over for dinner, he accepted and she assured that she would call Y/N’s parents to see if they would want to come over as well. She was on the phone with them for at least 20 minutes in another room and in the end they agreed, surprisingly. 

While they waited Evelyn talked a bit about herself, how she had moved on and was holding up. One of her kids was named after Y/N, their father, her boyfriend, was fire fighter, so he worked long hours but he was a great dad and partner and they were getting married soon. Evelyn wanted to know more about Harry though and how he had moved on and so he told her the things he and Y/N had agreed upon and all in all, it was good. He could see where Y/N got her great qualities from. They had just finished laughing about some funny story from Y/N’s childhood and Evelyn switched gears again.

“So, is this your first serious relationship after her?” Evelyn asked carefully and he nodded, just as he and Y/N had rehearsed.

“It was hard to move on because I genuinely believe she’s my soulmate.” He said, choosing to speak in present tense, because it was the truth, they are soulmates.

“Is?” Evelyn asked confused and he smiled and nodded.

“Personally, I believe we only have one soulmate and she’s mine. I think we can love plenty of people, but there’s always that one person who just…I don’t know, you just know, you know?” He explained with a smile and Evelyn nodded, “From the very first moment you meet them, something deep inside of them calls to something deep inside of you.” He explained, “I’d never felt that way before, she worked her way in to easily and just flipped my entire world upside down, but it helped me see that there was more to life, you know? It put a lot into perspective for me and she…saved me in a way. To me, everything about her was special from the start. She was so beautiful and put together. Her smile. The sound of her voice, her laugh, the way it looks like she’s pouting or upset when she’s thinking about something.” Evelyn giggled, “Know that one, do you?” He chuckled.

“Definitely.” She smiled, “You know, I…don’t really remember what she sounds like.” Evelyn confessed sadly, “Her laugh I can hear it in my head clear as day, but her voice is… it’s fading.” She sniffled and he reached for her hand again and she squeezed it tight. Suddenly the doorbell rang again and she shot up, “Oh my. , they’re here!” She said and Harry felt extremely nervous again. He felt like he was going to be sick, “Just, wait here.” She said and he nodded. 

He could heard Y/N’s mom crying a bit as they made some muffled conversation and after about five minutes Evelyn came back in with Y/N’s parents, they looked exactly as she had described them. Y/N was almost a splitting image of her father with noticeable traces of her mother. They just looked him over for a moment, looking more calm now. There wasn’t judgement on their faces, it was more like they were trying to picture Y/N with him. In his opinion it was easy to picture them together, they looked like they belonged together, but maybe they couldn’t see that.

“Hi, I’m Harry.” He said with a small smile and Y/N’s father extended his hand out to him and Harry shook it firmly and Y/N’s mother followed.

“Everyone sit, chat for a minute while I get the girls fed.” Evelyn said and they all nodded and sat down. The looked at the box of Y/N’s things.

“Ummm, these are the things of hers that I’ve had with me. She had left them in my apartment. It’s not much.” He said and they looked inside. Her dad grabbed the photos right away and they both smiled as they looked through them quietly together, but no more tears were shed from them. They looked through the rest of the box and he just gave them their time to look at the relics from her old life. He wished he could show them how beautiful she looked on their wedding day. If they could only see her now, they would be so proud of her. They finally turned their attention back to him and her mother spoke up.

“You looked quite happy in the pictures together.” She smiled and Harry nodded.

“Best few months of my life.” He said softly.

“She hadn’t mentioned that she was seeing anyone.” Her mother said.

“I think she was a little bit embarrassed of me.” He confessed with a smile, “Well, more of being in a relationship in general. She was so goal driven and focused, she came in knowing what she wanted those four years to look like and I think she just didn’t want anyone to know that she could potentially be distracted. I wasn’t really a part of the plan.” He explained and her father chuckled.

“Sounds about right.” Harry nodded with a smile, “So you were with her on that day?” He asked Harry and he nodded, “We’ve always wondered if it wasn’t an accident. If maybe it was too much pressure with her classes and working and trying to maintain her scholarship. Maybe she was having trouble with other people? She always had issues with bullies in school.” He explained with a frown.

“We were scared that she was just unhappy being away from home. We’re all very close.” Her mother added, “H-how was she doing?”

“She was doing really well. I did hear a lot about you all. She missed you a lot, specially her grandfather, she wished that he had been around to see it all.” He explained and they nodded attentively as he spoke, “She was really happy.” He confirmed, “I’d like to think I played a part in that.” He smiled, “She was still really focused and driven, she had her priorities straight. But ummm, she was allowing herself to live life as well. She was very well-liked among her classmates and our friends, she integrated herself a lot more in my group after her roommate joined the sorority?” They nodded in understanding.

“How did you meet?” Her mother asked and Harry smiled to himself for a moment.

“At a tattoo shop.” He said and her eyebrows arched up.

“Really?”

“Yes, she came to ask about it. I think she maybe wanted something after her grandfather and I was working there at the front. Helped pay the school bills.” He explained, “It was cute, she was so nervous and she had clearly been reading tons of things on the internet and had the most complex questions.” He chuckled, “She was wearing a school hoodie and I told her I also studied there and turns out we were just a building away from each other that whole time.” He hummed.

They seemed happy to be talking about her. To have some real insight as to what her life was like. Harry apologized for not being at her funeral as Y/N had told him to do and also for showing up after all that time, but they didn’t care. They were just happy that she had been happy and loved. He did give Evelyn the spray and lotion that Y/N had sent, she knew her cousin well and they let Evelyn keep some things and they took the rest. At the end of the night they all hugged him goodbye and they wished him luck in his relationship and hoped that he could too fully heal from it all. They were so sweet and caring and kind and he was glad that he could leave them with some peace as Y/N hoped, he was also pleased that he would be able to tell her that her family were alright. He had planned on staying longer but he didn’t want to wait to share and he also didn’t want to tell her everything over the phone. He got a flight on standby and headed straight back to Italy on a red eye, he could check in on Angelo’s mum another time. He let Y/N know he was coming back right away and that made her anxious, she left for their nearest airport though and waited in that city for him until he arrived the following afternoon.

*********

“Hey, love.” He hummed as he hurried into the car and they kissed briefly.

“Hi. How was it?” She asked right away, “Wait, actually don’t tell me just yet, let’s get in to the hotel first, yeah?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” He smiled and they took off. Y/N was completely on edge. She was quiet the whole drive and he just let her simmer and formulate the questions she wanted to asked as he just held her thigh. 

When they finally arrived and got into their room she let out a big exhale before she burst into tears. 

“Oh baby, c’mere.” He said quietly and she rushed into his arms and he held her tight as she sobbed. She wept to him about how she regretted not going with him and seeing them or hearing them for herself and truly that was her one chance. There was absolutely no reason for Harry to ever go back now and she felt like she had made a mistake in not doing as he had suggested. He let her be sad about this for however long she wanted before he would share about how they were. She just needed a moment to express how conflicted she felt about all of this; how she regretted accepting the CIA’s recruiting offer, but without that she never would have met him. She regretted hurting her family the way she did, not being able to see her parents get old and look after them, she was their only child, it was supposed to be her taking care of them. She regretted not having them there on their wedding day. As she confessed to all of these things she had been holding onto for months Harry knew not to take it all personally.

Harry understood full well the conflicting feelings because while he could never regret her, he did regret getting too ambitious as a young kid to the point that he got mixed up with the mafia. Because of this he wasted so much precious time with his family and even with his friends. He hurt them and put them in harm’s way and if he could take it all back he would, but that also meant that he would have never met Y/N. But for one reason or another, they were on the paths they were on and he’d like to think that it was because they were meant to be together. Soon her crying subsided and he was able to answer her questions, tell her about her niece who was named after, how happy her family was to hear that she had in fact been happy during her time away, and obviously, it was hard for them, but they seemed to have moved on well enough. Hearing that did make her feel better as she laid against his chest as his fingers stroked her hair and she listened on until he was done.

“Thank you for doing that for me, baby. I know that it couldn’t have been easy.” She said, cheek smushed into his warm and sturdy chest.

“I would do anything for you, no matter how hard or impossible it seemed.” He assured as he planted a kiss on her head and she smiled, because she knew it was the absolute truth.

There was no one else she had ever trusted with this, just him. There was no one else she had loved so much that she felt would be excellent candidates to meet her family. There was no one who worked on themselves and bore their soul to her the way he did. There was no one that she had ever envisioned building a life and family with, just him. And it was not lost on her how absolutely lucky she got to have their paths cross. To have him also notice her. To let her in. To love her. Y/N’s vision started to blur with tears, they were happy tears but overwhelmed tears because there was this paralyzing feeling in her chest as it dawned on her just how much she loved him. She earnestly believed that she had reached the capacity of love with how she felt, but right now it was clear to her that there was just so much more. It bordered on painful, she couldn’t just contain this feeling inside. She pressed herself up against his chest as she sniffled and he frowned.

“Oh baby, what’s the matter?” He asked and she shook her head as she grabbed his face and pressed her lips to his in a powerful and searing kiss. The kind of kiss that put the entire world on pause. The kind if kiss that seemed like it was a life or death situation and after a few seconds of being caught off guard Harry looped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him as the kiss evolved into a make out session that was making his body buzz in excitement. Gradually, they started to slow down to catch their breaths and she nudged her nose against his playfully, this made his smile and she kissed kissed him through it before pulling back slightly as their eyes blinked open to meet each other’s gaze.

“I feel so much for you, I couldn’t articulate it.” She explained her sudden outburst, “I can’t imagine doing life without you. I don’t even care how we came to be, I’m just happy to be here with you.” She whispered and he now lunged forward and kissed her until the fell back onto the bed upside down. In seconds they were getting undressed in between kisses and growing more and more desperate for each other. Harry’s lips trailed down her body, the skin left in his wake of kisses seemed to sear at the absence of his lips but she was eager for him to reach his intended destination. Her delicate fingers combed into his hair and pushed him down faster and he chuckled, but did as she was suggesting. She put a leg over his shoulder as the other fell open, making space for him. She could feel his fast exhales against her heat, making her clench in anticipation as his lips skimmed her lower lips.

“So.” Kiss, “Fucking.” Kiss, “Perfect.” kiss. She moaned at the slight friction to her clit with his lips and soft, little kisses, “You’re a goddess.” He hummed as he buried his face against her, taking in her scent and how soft her skin was down there, he giggled as her little tuft of hair tickled beneath his nose and the vibrations of it made her gasp and buck up, the tip of his nose came into perfect contact with her throbbing, little clit. It was so red and swollen, pleading for his attention. He rolled his tongue out and licked a fat stripe up from her entrance to her clit, making sure to swirl around the little button a few times before moving back to suck at her labia gently and then to dart his tongue into her leaking, little hole. Her grip tightened into his hair and she moaned as she ground herself again his mouth and he moaned and let her move him around to where she wanted, listening to her instructions so that he could get her off. Her thighs were squeezing around his head and her grip was tight in his hair but he could care less, he would die a happy death if he were to be suffocated between her thighs. “Oh H, baby! I’m right there!” She gasped as her toes curled and the muscles of her stomach trembled from how wound up tight she was. Her orgasm came so swiftly and fiercely. It took her out like a giant wave wiping out and rolling everything in it’s path down into its depths. He moaned against her sensitive skin and gently kissed at her clit to bring her down from it all before he licked down to her entrance and delved his tongue inside, wanting to get a taste of her cum. 

After a few moments of his delicate actions to bring her back down he kissed his way back up her body, taking his time to lick and suck at his favorite parts of her body before making it to her lips, his absolute favorite place to kiss. As they started to make out he adjusted her legs beneath him so that he could slick his cock up with her arousal and cum.

“You make me absolutely crazy for you.” He snarled as he felt the warm slick of her juices coat his prick up. It made him feral to feel how her body seemed to react to his. How wet she got for him was an absolute turn on. He viewed it as her body’s way of inviting him in. Her body craved his and wanted him to fill her up and pound her pussy to the heavens. He adjusted his hips and without a warning sunk into her in one fluid thrust and he moaned into her mouth as she gasped as their bodies connected perfectly. He had sunk in balls deep from how wet she was, but inside she was still adjusting to his size and he kept the pressure of his hips against hers. Slowly he started to sink in a little deeper, “Fuck, I can feel you opening up for me, baby.” He whispered and something about that made her moan out in ecstasy.

“Please.” She whimpered and he kissed her.

“Please what?” He asked before he swirled his hips with a wet squelch and she smiled in ecstasy.

“I-I don’t even know.” She mumbled and he hummed in amusement and he pressed himself up to a kneeling position and she gasped as he reached even deeper, she could feel it in the pit of her stomach and she winced as the little bite of pain before she adjusted to it moments later. Already, her eyes were hazy with ecstasy, she was love drunk and cock drunk at the same time.

He glanced down to see how such a tight little thing had opened right up for his big cock and taken it to the hilt. It genuinely amazed him how he fit inside. He grabbed her hands and intertwined their fingers before he pressed her hands down into the mattress as he drew out a bit, making her wince and then she cried out his name as he surged back in and ground into her. She squeezed at his hands as her eyes searched his, “More. Please, more.” She pleaded and he nodded as he drew back out again and thrust in again and this time he kept going.

Every time his cock slid back in he was celebrated with a wet smacking sound and her pretty moans that emerged from her throat in perfect time with his thrusts. He spared a glance down at the way they moved together and he shivered with pleasure as he groaned and glanced back up to her as he picked up his pace. The fire in his belly was lit and was quickly starting to spread through his entire body.

“Fuck, you’re already gonna make me come.” He groaned and she smiled.

“Harder.” She mewled and he let go of one of her hands to grip her hip and have more leverage as his hips piston med powerfully into hers until he could see the tip of his cock bulging slightly at her lower stomach. The headboard of the hotel bed pounded rhythmically with his thrusts and the frame creaked along with her, as if it too was praising Harry for the railing he was giving Y/N. She cried out in a mix of pain and pleasure, but she didn’t want him to stop as he absolutely demolished her. She swore he was splitting her in two but it felt like heaven and her entire body was vibrating with the pleasure of an impeding orgasm. They heard some pounding on the wall and he chuckled, “We have to be quiet.” She gasped.

“Fuck that guy. Wanna hear you. Love to hear you.” He groaned as he went harder and she groaned with each thrust and again, their neighbor pounded on the wall.

“Un po' di discrezione per favore!” They heard a muffled shout through the wall and they both laughed through the pleasure at their neighbor’s plea for some discretion.

“Stai zitto! Abbiamo quasi finito!” Harry shouted back with laughter and they could hear the man start cursing them out and despite that he worked harder and harder, the pounding of the headboard grew more intense as the man’s knocks into the wall also increased, probably thinking he was ruining the mood, but Y/N started to circle her clit in time to the fast raps against the wall and she was burning up from the inside out, gasping and moaning Harry’s name as he pounded right into her g-spot.

“There! Oh fuck, right there, daddy!” She yelped and he moaned loudly at the name slipped from her mouth without her even thinking about it. 

“Fuck, say it again.” He panted hoarsely.

“Daddy! I’m going to come, daddy!” She nearly sobbed as her little fingers were a blur against her slippery cunt as she started to tighten up around his cock.

“Fuck, come for, daddy. All over my cock, baby.” He panted tiredly and she tensed up and her toes curled as she just clutched to his back as she started to moan uncontrollably, her nails raked down the hot and sweaty skin of his back as she pulsed around him and soaked him, she was squirting and he fought the pressure of it to stay inside, “Fuck, I’m gonna come!” He growled and his grip on her tightened and he sobbed against her mouth as ropes of his cum shot deep inside of her, filling her as he moaned her name. Her pulsing walls milked every bit of his cum and his thrusts slowed but didn’t stop completely as they kissed heatedly before parting with a gasp to take a proper breath. Y/N’s vision was blurry with tears and Harry’s was completely splotchy with little colors, that really had taken it out of him. He pressed himself up from her body with shaky arms, getting ready to pull out but she hugged around him.

“Not yet.” She spoke hoarsely and he smiled and nestled back into her arms and kissed at the top of her right breast.

“I love you. You’re my whole world.” He whispered and she smiled and kissed the top of his head.

“Love you, light of my life.” She whispered tiredly.

[tenleaguesbeneath]

Alex/Steph, 20

20: Lazily

Alright, so I'm first going to say I don't have necessarily the best handle on Alex as a character and also anything with her involved is going to get into people's inner lives in a way I can't say I have a lot of practice writing, but that's why this is exciting! Also, this is going up, like, first-draft quality, unbeta'd.

(prompt list is here and I am still taking them)

so! here we go.

A knock at Alex’s door jarred her out of where she’d been zoned out, half asleep, her ribs aching. She groaned loudly in response, and heard the door opening.

“Hey, Alex,” Steph called from the doorway.

“Steph!” Alex answered, the bruising on her ribs giving her a painful reminder that it wouldn’t let her get away with shouting no matter how enthusiastic she was about seeing her girlfriend.

“I brought groceries.” Steph gave Alex a warm glance as she walked past her bed, straight to the kitchen, heavy canvas bags hanging from each shoulder.

“Thanks.”

Steph set the bags down on the countertop next to the fridge and turned toward Alex’s bed. “How are you feeling?”

“My bruises have bruises.”

“Anything I can help you with? Pain meds, water, snacks, your gummies?”

“Tylenol would be good. And water.”

Alex closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the sink running as Steph filled a glass for her. As Steph’s footsteps approached her, she propped herself up on her elbows and then sat up, her muscles complaining the whole way.

“Thanks, Steph,” Alex croaked, taking the glass. She reached for the pill bottle on her nightstand.

“Here, take it easy, Alex,” Steph said, grabbing it first and opening it before passing it to Alex.

Alex took a long swig of water, then two pills, and drained the glass.

“Thanks.”

Alex lay back and closed her eyes as Steph busied herself putting the groceries away. Recovery after falling down the mineshaft was both dull and pain-filled. That the doctors had told her nothing was broken wasn’t much comfort. All that meant was that it could have been worse. Not that she needed the reminder of that. Every time she opened her mouth her muscles ached where they were grazed by the bullet. A few inches to the side and she could be dead. Then there was the bruising from the fall. It hurt to move. Hurt to cough. Hurt to breathe, sometimes, and definitely to laugh.

Maybe she could write a song about that. It’ll be easier to think when she’s not in as much pain.

Steph came back, her footsteps light on the floor as she approached the other side of Alex’s bed, by the door. Alex felt the ripples in the mattress as Steph sat down and flopped over.

Alex opened her eyes to see Steph propped up on her side, watching her. Steph met her gaze, softness in her eyes, a purple haze radiating from her.

I hope she’ll be alright.

“On the bright side, docs said I should expect to make a full recovery,” Alex reminded Steph, answering her unasked question.

“I hope they’re right,” Steph said, her aura fading.

“You’ve been a big help, Steph,” Alex mumbled. “You and Ryan both. I don’t know what I’d do without you two.”

“You’re not alone, Alex.”

“I know,” Alex said, rolling slightly toward Steph, her chest muscles screaming at her for daring to ask them to move. “I’ve been alone so long, and now… I don’t have to be.”

It’s scary, Alex didn’t say. For years “help” always had conditions attached. Be helped, but be helped with what the helper thinks you need. Be helped, but only inasmuch as it makes you more convenient to be around. Be helped, but by people who think you’ll probably never live on your own. Be helped, but only by people who will drug you if you tell them about your burden.

Haven Springs was nothing like Helping Hands Group Home, and Steph and Ryan were nothing like anyone there.

But as scary as it was, she had grown to trust them, even with the weird stuff, and they trusted her in turn. Steph had volunteered to stay in Haven Springs as long as Alex wanted to, and Ryan had believed her that morning at the town council meeting, even over his own father.

Now Alex relied on the two of them, her girlfriend and her first real friend, for basic things like groceries.

It beat having to limp across town hauling a heavy grocery bag, for sure.

Alex felt Steph’s fingers tracing along her forehead, brushing her hair out of her face. Her eyes fluttered back open.

Steph was still there, still looking at Alex. Her gaze was gentle, tinged with a nervousness that Alex needed no magical power to see. Behind that nervousness, Alex saw the desire that had always smoldered between the two of them.

“C’mere, Steph,” Alex said, reaching out with her hand to brush Steph closer to her. “I’m not gonna let falling down a mineshaft spoil my first week with my girlfriend.”

Steph rolled toward her, hesitantly, propping herself over Alex. Alex reached up to brush Steph’s hair aside, holding it out of the way as Steph brought herself in for a kiss.

Their lips touched, parted, Alex catching Steph’s bottom lip between hers. Even with her eyes closed, Alex could see the golden light emanating from the two of them. She lifted her head to push closer to Steph, sheer enthusiasm drowning out the protests of her aching neck. Steph’s hand went to her cheek, guiding her back down onto her pillows as Steph reciprocated the push.

When Steph withdrew, the joyous golden light remained as her weight shifted in the bed. Alex opened her eyes to find Steph on her side, nestled next to her, and for the first time, Alex felt that maybe things in Haven Springs were going to be okay.

[oh-surprise-its-me]

Would you give us (me :3) the boys taking care of Ron during a very bad migraine? Could be with Chris and Tom, or Daggers, or maybe before, during Top Gun... leave that to you. Make him go really ouch.

Oh I’ll write anything for you darling.

When Jake is three… I wanted to make Ron feel guilt.

-

Ron can’t remember when it started. His vision started to blur about twenty minutes ago. He can’t stop watching Jake though.

Can’t take his eyes off their kid. Work through the pain. His dog Louise whines at him, she knows he’s hurting. The toddler walks back over to Ron. Jake’s arms go up in the air. He wants picked up.

Ron is almost positive if he picks Jake up he’ll throw up. He does it anyways. Can’t ever deny Jake anything. Ron slowly lays back with Jake on his chest, “papa.” Ron can only hum. Talking makes it seem like a knife is in his head and twisting.

Jake pats his chest. He lays his own head down and slowly goes to sleep. Ron listens to their kids breathing. It’s not as helpful as he thought it would be.

He hears Tom and Chris come back in the house. They were out with the horses and goats. Tom catches that the radio isn’t on. “Ron?”

Lou whines and runs to get Tom. “Shit Chris grab some ice.” Tom comes into the living room to find them. Ron opens his eyes but can’t see Tommy.

“I need to throw up take Jake.”

Tom inhales hard. He picks Jake up, Ron slowly tries to stand. His knees give out. Chris catches him. Ron doesn’t know how long he’s been there. “Thanks.” He gets a kiss pressed to kiss head “don’t talk. Bed time.”

Chris slowly helps Ron walk to their room. Black out curtains are an incredible thing. Chris puts a trash can next to the bed. It must be really bad if Ron is voluntarily admitting he wants to throw up.

Ron whines. Everything hurts. Every single joint. He can feel the sheets on his skin. His hair catching on the pillow. “Hurts.” Chris makes a sad sound. He drops his voice to a whisper “I know baby. Want pills?” Ron squeezes his hand, “took them already.” Go be with Tommy and Jake. I’m fine.”

Chris hums. He gently brushes a hand into Ron’s hair. “I’ll be back.”

Then he leaves.

Ron knows he’s just in the other room. But they feel so far away. Pain makes it all worse. Every dark feeling he’s had slips back through the cracks.

-

He must drift off at some point because when he wakes back up he’s on Tom’s chest. He can feel Chris laying next to them.

His head is still blinding him but he thinks he won’t throw up now. “Jake.” Chris hushes him. “Sleeping over with David and Lucas. We thought baby crying would make it worse.”

Ron’s stomach drops. “Trash-” he throws up. He can’t believe he’s causing them to send their kid away. He should be the one leaving.

“Ron you with us?” His head is hanging in the can still. “Yeah.” Chris sighs in relief. “Thought you passed out for a second there.” Ron slowly shakes his head and lays back on Tom. There’s a hand in his hair suddenly. It feels good. “Go get Jake. Shouldn’t send him away because of my stupid head.”

Tom gently pinches his ear. “Stop it. He’s a loud kid. If one night with his uncles makes it better then we’ll do that. You don’t have to be perfect Ron.”

Ron flinches. Tom has always seen right through him. “I know. But still. Feel bad.” Chris quietly laughs. “If it makes you feel better we had arranged for a sleepover with them anyways it just came faster the anticipated.”

Ron nods. Chris presses a candy to Ron’s tongue, “ginger. Eat please.” Ron chews the candy. It’s good. Sweet but spicy. He knows it’ll help his stomach. He eats all the ones Chris puts to his mouth. When Tom offers him a water bottle he takes a few slow sips.

He curls back down onto the bed. He shoves his head into three pillows. “Thank you. Love you both.”

A hand goes down his back and the same time a kiss is pressed to his shoulder. “Love you.” “Love you too hon.”

Ron hopes the migraine is gone in the morning. Wants to feel like himself. He knows he’ll probably just sleep tomorrow anyways. Migraines always take all the energy out of him for a while. Especially ones this bad.

He blinks his eyes open once to see if his vision is better. Still spotty but he can see Chris’s tattoos now. Tom’s earrings. All the small things that make them, them.

He slowly drifts off to Tom humming a polish childhood song they both grew up with. It’s comforting.

[havin-fun-imagining-twd]

Happy 8th of July!

When - we’ve jumped in time to the Prison Era, during that nice interim that for reasons I am making months long.

Genre - fluffy and fun. It’s the Fourth (Eighth) of July! You and Glenn want to make it a good one for people, then you enlist Dary-bear to help. He doesn’t realize it’s to set off fireworks, though. (Was that a double entendre? Might could be...read to find out :D )

Relationships - mangy hick be admitting something big to himself and it’s a huge step for him (Daryl x reader). As always, found family and slight adherence to Bechdel also means we focus on you and the gang! In line with your character, you have yourself an adopted younger brother, now, too.

Pronouns - neutral time, y’all

Perspective - I did the 2nd person you and 3rd person him thing again

TWs - just some casual crude language

Word Count - enough to explain why setting off fireworks is in fact a great idea

Plot references - the water pistols you found in Bad things happen*, you and Daryl discussing holidays in A f----n’ great Christmas, your medical skills (friend, they are increasing), T-Dog and Daryl’s growing friendship as has been hinted at (esp in It was a pragmatic cigarette.)

There are more plot references in the story to be found in the series, so click on this here link: The Masterlist. It’s got what you want, slowpokes :) And as always, feedback is savored greatly.

“This is insane.”

“We’d drive real far away, way passed the three-mile mark—which means no kid walkies, we’ll need to use the police radio. And the booms wouldn’t attract nothing here because we’ll be settin’ them off so far.” You’ve got a whole list of reasons to convince him. “And it’ll help us and the Woodbury group and all the new survivors bond with each other more.”

“No, I meant ‘insane’ as in I love it!”

Yes! You raise your hand for a high-five, which Glenn promptly returns.

“So, which direction?” he asks.

“North.” You point out in the direction of the old radio or maybe utility tower several miles in the distance.

“Okay, I’ll see about clearing out the north guard tower so people can have a better view. Dude, the kids are gonna love this.”

“I hope it makes people smile.”

His smile then changes into an unsure kind of grimace.

“Glenn?”

“What do you think Rick will—are our asses gonna get handed to us for this?”

“No, Rick’ll love it, too!”

Nah, Glenn’s unconvinced.

“I’ll shoulder the blame when—if—it comes to it,” you’re quick to assure him, adding with a shrug, “You know I get a moderate pass when it comes to him.”

After he scrunches up his nose in hesitation, he relaxes and elbows you. “Just don’t mess up the problem shoulder again if you do.”

You check the time on Dale’s watch. “Let’s leave to set it up at 3, Eileen’s appointment will be done by then and you’ll be off-duty. That’ll leave us plenty of time to go back to that house, go to the spots, set them up, and still grab supplies. We can probably get paper goods from the Bojangles near it...”

“...And there’s an office building across the street from the Bojangles. Looked fairly un-window-smashed, should be some good supplies there.”

“That’s perfect, offices tend to have pills and other useful medical stuff in the desk drawers.” Maybe another epinephrine injector to stock up?

“And there’s that crate of soda I forgot to take out of the Chevy last time, so we’ll bring that in, too. Make us look very productive.”

After another high-five, the plan is set, and you two stare out from the guard post.

“I can fill up the water balloons at the stream if I rinse off one of the siphon hoses. Will you do the water pistols?”

“Surely can! If only we had…” your stomach grumbles almost immediately, “Hot dogs.”

“And burgers.”

“And marsh—”

“—Marshmallows!” he finishes for you. Sighs. He’s been wanting rice crispy treats since you’d first met him at the quarry. “Oh my God, I miss marshmallows. Carol told me she once made them from scratch.”

“What?”

“Dude, right? She said she’d show me how, but it uses a stand mixer.”

“Can’t you mix it by hand for her?” you playfully complain.

“It’d be worth it.”

Maggie’s voice pipes in from down the stairwell. “What’d be worth it?”

“Mixin’ homemade marshmallow batter stuff by hand,” you call back.

“It’s ‘mixture,’ Y/N,” Glenn snorts to you.

“Marshmallow batter?” Maggie repeats, now at the top of the stairs.

Glenn is over there and kissing her before you can blink. Giving them privacy (somewhat), you promptly turn your eyes back to the fence and walls around the prison’s perimeter.

“Y/N and I were talking about how Carol said she’d made homemade marshmallows before,” you hear Glenn say.

“Ah, I see.“

She joins you in staring out at the perimeter. Still beaming, her smile at him is so sweet that it’s probably got more sugar than a whole bag’s worth of marshmallows.

And you aren’t jealous by any stretch, that wouldn’t be an accurate word for it. You’re as happy as can be for them, you love them both!

You’re simply feeling that (annoying) longing to have that yourself, too. That must be you still feeling all hopeful following their wedding.

And you’re not slipping into thoughts about your redneck friend, no sir. That would be...just don’t. His friendship is a blessing, you love him as your friend, leave it at that. Besides, he doesn’t have an interest in you that way. He’s probably into Michonne if anyone; they’ve been out tracking a lot, she's gorgeous, and they're both the silent, strong badass type with an underlying softness. Or Carol, they’re buddies.

And you're not slipping into more thoughts about how wonderful his growth as a person has been from how he was when y’all first met at the quarry and how insanely attractive that is, no way.

Caleb is more likely to house an interest, to be honest, and you spend plenty of time with him training. There’s no reason for you to feel disappointed at that prospect. Caleb is a great guy and easy on the eyes, just like Dar—oops, there you go again.

“It’s too bad we haven’t done that inflatable pool idea yet,” Glenn comments, bringing you back topside.

Maggie shakes her head and grins. “We been a tad busy.”

“We got the kiddie pool. It’s passable for soakin’ your feet to cool off,” you offer.

“At least we found those water balloons.” His breath catches when he adds, “And kept that bag of mini water pistols from that day on the highway. They’re finally gonna be used.”

What a day that had been. Screw that day. Sophia, rest in peace, little one. But yeah, at least they were being used now.

Oof, you need to stretch your back and arms. Rounding your shoulders and bowing your head down, you take a deep breath as you feel the tension easing. Next, you stick out your chest and pull your arms back to stretch the other side. It is nice to not have your problem shoulder acting up.

Then, it hits you. “Oh, Mags, since you’re here, this means my shift is over!”

“Why, got big plans?” she teases.

You share a look with Glenn, then peek back at her with a tiny grin. “Might could.”

“What have y’all been up to?”

“Scheming, Mrs. Rhee,” is all you say as you sprint down the stairs and back toward the main hub.

Moses, it’s hot out today. Great for what you have planned later tonight, if the skies stay clear, but absolute torture during the day.

“Hello, Y/N!”

“Hey, Patrick!”

He’s leaning against the cool cement wall in the shade, the water bottle in his hand nearly empty. “Are you off guard duty?”

“Mm, thank goodness. Though, Glenn and I are gonna head out in about two hours for a quick supply run. What about you, y’all done with the pigs?”

“No, I still have to get them fresh water, I just n-needed some water myself.”

Yeah, you were thinking he looks a little queasy. The kid’s prone to getting heatsick.

As you step up next to him, you reach out and feel his forehead just to make sure he feels normal or cool, not too hot. Heat stroke is no joke.

Okay, he still feels damp and clammy, and as gross as that sounds, it’s a good sign.

“Let me refill this for you, you just rest here,” you tell him, having him finish the dregs in his water bottle before you take it. “I don’t want my favorite little brother passin’ out from dehydration, it ain’t fun.”

Overheated as he may be, he reddens a little more. That shy kid gets that way every time you remind him that you consider him family. Pat just looks so much like Shane did when he was a freshman in high school (tall, lanky, messy dark hair, Irish given name) that you couldn’t help but adopt him when you found him.

There are so many new faces as you make your way to the outdoor dining area that you don’t quite have the names down yet.

Well, Eileen and Sra. McLeod are easy because Eileen is pregnant and Mrs. McLeod is the only other resident of advanced age here other than Hershel.

You head to the water cooler and fill the bottle. Sasha is walking over, too, and by the looks of it just finished up clearing walkers at the fence. You reach for a fresh cup and fill it for her.

“Wanna sneak away to the stream to cool off? I’m gonna fill up the water guns in a bit.”

“Water guns?" she repeats before taking a big gulp of the water and sighing. "The stream sounds perfect—hey, thank you for the drink.” She empties her cup in seconds and wipes the sweat off her upper lip and forehead. “But if I have to see one more biter within the next hour, I’ll scream, and you know we’ll see at least one out there.”

“Shower it is, then.”

“I cannot wait. Cold water!” She refills her cup and drinks it all down just as fast. “Oof, I’m smelly, too,” she murmurs to herself when she gets a whiff of her underarms.

You scoop two spoonfuls of sugar into Patrick’s bottle, then add ¼ of a spoonful of salt, cap it, and shake it up.

“You look patriotic, Y/N.”

“It’s the Fourth of July!”

“It is?”

“Eh, the 8th. But we missed the 4th entirely and it rained the past two and a half days. Check it out,” you say, holding up your wrist so she can view the little date dial on Dale’s watch that states Jul 8. Giggling, you add, “Don’t worry, Hershel’s date book confirmed it. You know how I tend to forget to wind this thing.”

“Well, guess I gotta find me some red to put on.” She already had a white t-shirt and jeans on, so she’s ⅔ ready. “Y’all have fireworks planned or something?” she jokes, filling her cup a third time.

You don’t have a response at first. She notices.

She turns her head but keeps her eyes on you. “Y/N?”

“Fireworks would be great, wouldn’t it?”

She’s trying to look friendly but is nervous, it’s plain to see. “But it’s loud. If you set off fireworks near here, I’d whup your ass, tell you what.”

“Ah, but what if it wasn’t near here at all, but was in fact far away?”

She raises her brows. “Oh my Lord. Did you and...” Finger pointed, she figures it out quickly. “Nah, it has to be you and Glenn if it were anybody.”

Your grin must look as awkward and guilty as it feels. “...Wanna help?”

She’s shaking her head but smiling. “Now I know why your group calls you ‘troublemaker’ every so often.”

Nooo, not the nickname. Ugh. “I ain’t a troublemaker,” you mumble, half-serious. Then, taking her by the arm, you start to walk away with Pat’s refilled water bottle. “Come on, I need to get this back to Patrick. I’ll walk you to the doors on the way there.”

“And I’ll go to the stream with you after I shower and decompress a little, if you can wait maybe an hour?”

“Yeah, Eileen’s got her check-up, anyway. How’s 1:45ish?”

“I’ll meet you at our usual table.”

Once you drop her off, you see that Caleb is with Patrick. “Hey, Dr. Subs. I brought him this. Two regular spoonfuls of sugar, about ¼ teaspoon of salt, are those ratios good?”

“They’ll do great for now, he just got sick.”

“Oh, kiddo!”

“It happens, Y/N,” Patrick groans, trying to sound upbeat.

You start to rub his back, mindful of the vomit on the grass near him. “See? We both got kinda weak stomachs, Pat, runs in the family.”

“Relax in your cell for a while, okay?” Caleb instructs. “I want you to lay down for at least 30 minutes before you go back outside in the sun. Have a snack and some more to drink, too.”

“Yes, Dr. Subramanian, sir.”

Caleb snorts. “You keep calling me ‘sir.’ I’m gonna have to start saluting back, man.”

“Sorry, sir.”

The doctor blinks. You hold back a giggle.

Giving you a dry look of amusement, Caleb then reminds you that Eileen is having a checkup and to be washed up and ready for it, after which he escorts Patrick inside.

Meanwhile, you jog to your guard tower to wash up, set the egg timer so you can zone out read for 20 minutes, then pick through your growing stack of medical books. All the midwifery, prenatal development, and obstetric books you take, plus the Merck Manual and your notepad before you jog back down and across the yard to the doors.

Hershel, on his way there also, holds the door for you and for Maggie after he notices her hurrying down to join you. Carol is most likely already there, she always beats y’all to it. You personally may or may not have a minor competition going with her, but dang it if she doesn’t always seem to arrive first.

Fast forward, the check-up is boring and uneventful, just as you all want the check-ups to be; mother is good, baby seems good, all is as it should be.

And it’s 1:45. You need to fill those water guns at the stream with Sasha, grab lunch, then it’ll be time to head to the cars!

Him

Still didn’t find the bastard.

Michonne and him shared their usual disappointed sigh and choice of cuss word before turning around to head home. He lit up a cigarette, as usual. She declined his offer for a puff, as usual.

They had a good thing going, minus the part where they still hadn’t found that psycho pirate sumbitch.

Y/N came a few times a week on days when, you know, there weren’t baby checkups for the pregnant chick or Judith or other medical stuff or regular duties conflicting.

Sometimes, he felt this stupid feeling almost like jealousy when he saw them together, Y/N and the new doc. Which was dumb, because Caleb was teaching Y/N all sorts of important stuff and they’d become friends with each other in the process.

And Y/N and Daryl were good friends and had been for a while, so what was the problem?

Maybe it was more of a want-type of thing, he didn’t know. Not that he was lonely, but sometimes he felt this weird kind of…loneliness.

It’s just—he’d heard Y/N mention once that the doctor was “nice lookin’.” Sure, Caleb was a fair-looking dude, true. Seemed real decent, he’d spent some time with him, too. But...nah, ain’t nothing, I’m being dumb. With a glance up at the sky, he added T-Dog, can it.

Anyway, the days when Y/N came along or when they went on a hunt for food or to forage, those days were always nice. He enjoyed those days a lot. Less quiet, generally, but there were a lot more smiles. It was better with them.

“Why are you lookin’ all happy?” Mich asked. “I’d love a good reason to smile.”

“Just how Y/N reminded us to wear red, white, and blue.” Y/N tried to convince him to wear T-Dog’s red Dawgs shirt. He said he’d put it on it after he got back. Didn’t want to rip it or nothing.

“Well, I’m still loving rockin’ the socks Y/N tossed me.”

He had to snort a little. Yeah, Mich had on one red and one blue sock, both ankle-length and worn over her pants to show them off.

“Heard ’em say it was your favorite holiday?” she said, inspecting something on the edge of her sword-thing. ‘Cabana’ or something, right?

“Yeah, used to be.”

She sheathed it and started walking faster to the car, waving him to pick up the pace, too. “Too bad we can’t hit up the beach, light some sparklers.”

He matched her pace, feeling the disappointment kicking him in the nuts again. “That or light a firecracker up the governor’s ass.”

You

“Mischief managed, mothafucka.” He’s holding his hand up for a victory high-five.

“Mischief managed, mothafucka.” And you return it enthusiastically! “I’ll grab the police radios when I bring Mr. Greene the yarrow. I’ll drop one off with you before Daryl and I leave, yeah?”

“Cool, and Maggie and I will check out the north tower.” Glenn then awkwardly tries to follow this up with, “We’ll, um, c-clean it and stuff.”

Why did that seem a little forced...

You don’t intend to give him a look and blurt out, “Y’all gonna have sex in it, aren’t you?” but you do in fact blurt that out.

And he probably doesn’t mean to make that goofy, I-just-got-caught laugh in response before elbowing you with a very lame, “Shut up, dude.”

Yeah, so either he’s suddenly sunburned or he’s blushing.

Groaning, you call back “Just name your first baby after me!” as you go to check on Judith. She should be waking up soon. Beth has had her most of the day today, she's due for a reprieve.

Time to give baby Lori dinner and bring her to see her mom.

Him

“Nice shirt, Daryl. It’s been ages since I’ve seen you not in a cut-off button-down. You’ll get you a nice farmer’s tan.”

He turned around to wave hi when—lil’ asskicker? Shit, he needed to put out his cigarette ASAP, you can’t just smoke around a baby, that’s a trashy-ass move.

“We’re downwind, you’re cool, man. You’re still working on cuttin’ back.”

“Exactly.” He dug that thing into the dirt until the smoke was gone.

He’d been down to only five a week, ain’t that something? Then…T-Dog and Lori died, and he found his brother again, and then his brother was killed by that asshole, then so was Andrea.

He’d smoked over half a pack and had taken down almost an entire bottle of vodka before Carol and Y/N found him and brought Hershel. That was one hell of a time. Real hell of a morning after, too, fuck.

Anyway, sometimes he shared a smoke with T-Dog at his grave.

Y/N visited the graves every day. Generally, they’d bring Judith while feeding her. They’d sit and just hang out, read, or if the baby was with them they’d do that ‘tummy time’ thing and practice standing.

Carl was usually with them, too, but water balloons and water guns had appeared out of nowhere, so he was having fun with the other kids. Surprising, but good that he was acting like a kid, at least for today.  

Call him soft but he loved that shit. Except for the part where seeing ’lil ass-kicker kicked into gear that weird feeling of want. And it got so much damn stronger when she was with Y/N.

Shut up, T-Dog he told the memory in his head.

“Michonne said today you found evidence of somebody havin’ camped out in a car wash?”

“Could’ve been anybody, though.”

“Could’ve been that unhinged, one-eyed sex abuser, too.”

For what he almost did to Maggie, Y/N saw red. Hell, he himself saw red about that kind of shit.

Their voice sounded gentler when they told him, “So don’t lose hope, Daryl, that ain’t like you. We got us a cell with his name on it ready to go.”

That damn feeling twisted in his stomach when they’d placed their hand on his arm.

Okay, maybe he actually did need a long drag from his smoke. He curved to the side, quickly lit up again and took a nice, long inhale…okay, he felt better.

…Actually, he didn’t feel better, he felt more nervy. He put out the cigarette and pulled the neckline of his shirt forward and back to get some damn airflow. It was balls-dripping hot outside.

Then he stole a peek over at Y/N as they began to burp Judith, regretting it almost immediately because that feeling surged through him again. He swallowed, hoping to tamp down the understanding he wasn’t sure if he could put the name to yet.

But he also wanted to talk to them. “Mich and I also checked out a liquor store. Other than peach schnapps and Natty, guess what we found?”

“Capri Suns?” flew out of Y/N’s mouth almost immediately.

He laughed. “Two shotguns and a pistol.”

Their eyebrows went up. “Where in the store were those hidin’?”

“Under the register counter.”

“All three right under the front register?”

“Plus a taser and a knife.”

Making an oo with their mouth (don’t stare at their lips, come on), Y/N tutted, “Pity the soul who tried to rob those guys.”

“Mmhm.”

When they moved to start feeding Judith again, he held out his arms to take her instead.

It’d been like three days since he fed her, and he missed it. That feeling tugged at his chest again, but he didn’t mind it so much, not when he had the little girl in his arms.

“Hey, Daryl? We need to do a thing tonight, okay?”

A thing? “What thing?”

“A late run.”

“Might as well, I guess. What d’you mean by late?”

“We should oughta leave around 8:00…”

“…Why?” Sure he was on board, but what was Y/N up to? He jiggled the bottle in Judith’s mouth to get her to start drinking again, she’d gotten distracted.

“Non-disclosure agreement. Can’t say.”

“Weirdo.”

Their first reaction was a smile, but the next second it was as if it blew away in the breeze. That had been their big brother’s nickname for them. Hearing it from somebody else got to them sometimes.

“Sorry,” he apologized. “Troublemaker?”

He got a playful whine out of them for that one. Not their favorite nickname either, even though Dale had been the one to give it to them.

Maybe, maybe he’d bug them with the dumb thing he’d called them that time...“Slowpoke?”

At that one, Y/N cracked up. Leaned forward and kissed the baby’s head, even though they had to lean over him to do it. “Your Uncle Daryl’s a mangy hick.”

You

You’re almost there, you can make out the first set. You lightly shake Daryl’s shoulder and signal for him to pull over.

He stops the bike, puts the kickstand down, and turns his head back to face you as he pulls down his bandana.

“Gonna tell me what we’re doin’ in the middle of nowhere?”

You gotta take off your helmet before anything else, ugh, it’s so hot in there. Then, you click on the radio to let Glenn know you both got there safely.

“Hey, we’re good. Made it,” you murmur into it.

Then, you look up at Daryl and try to look innocent and casual as you explain, “Please drive slow for the next quarter-ish mile, then once we’re at the spot, I’ll tell where to park the bike. We need to do the thing, then head up that way,” you tell him, pointing up toward the radio tower.

Okay, and maybe you might could’ve not actually told him was going on just then, but…you don’t want him to get huffy or not help, is all.

He says nothing, only squints at you.

You copy it.

He grumbles.

And instead of copying that as well like you usually might, you bite your lip and point to the first set of fuses.

Why are you getting all nervous? He’ll be cool with it.

He squints again, but this time because he’s actually trying to see what it is. “Y/N, what is all that?”

Him

Whatever they responded, he couldn’t hear.

“Huh?”

They repeated it.

Fireworks.

Fireworks?

What the fuck. No way.

He kicks down the stand, hops off the bike and stalks over to what they’d gestured to.

Fireworks, holy damned hell. Glenn had to have been in on this, too. This had those two written all over it, hot damn…

“Y/N,” is all he said because he didn’t know what else to say as he slowly steps toward them.

“Yes?”

He cleared his throat, reaches them again, and spreads his feet, hands on his hips, fully expecting (and proven correct) that they’d just stand up and mirror his stance.

“Y/N.”

“Daryl.”

And before he could say anything else, they held up their finger and stumbled their way through a whole lot of explaining.

“We’re seven miles away from the prison, so the risk to them is minimal.” They took a deep breath. “The set-ups are every 25 feet heading north, the wicks Glenn and I attached get longer the further back we go. The plan is to light the wicks, run to the next set, so on and so forth. Then, there’s a paved path that leads up to that radio tower where we’re gonna speed for when we’re done, on the bike. But the final set up of fireworks is way far away over there with super long wicks, or fuses, whatever they’re called.”

They then pointed opposite of the utility tower. “That way the final boom will get any walkers drawn towards the noise and lights to get shufflin’ in that direction, away from the tower. That way, after a spell, we,” Y/N pointed from themself to him, “can mosey on home without them following us back like baby ducklings please don’t be mad!”

Well, that was a whole lot at once. Y/N seemed out of breath, they nervous or whatever?

“Don’t be mad, friend, it-it’s your favorite holiday! And our new people need a pick-me-up, you remember how awful it was to lose the quarry, and, and the farm? They just lost their homes and loved ones, so...” Yeah, they were nervous, just look at that awkward grin they’ve got on. And that stutter.

“Ohp, he’s started smiling—hey guys, Dary-bear is smilin’!” they called out next because, yeah, he couldn’t help it. In a softer voice, they checked, “You ain’t mad?”

“I ain’t mad,” he decided to grumble. ‘Decided to grumble’ because on the inside, he was actually so fucking stoked for this, oh my God. Fireworks!

Y/N then got all excited.

That made him feel that same weird but good feeling in his chest, even though he should probably be feeling dread or worry or telling them no or something. But fuck that, it’s the 4th of July!

Well, the 8th.

“Come on, I’ll show you the route, we’ll put to rest any walkers we come across—oh, speak of the devil. I can do it, or would you like to?” There was one stumbling down the road as if on cue.

“I got it,” he said. Y/N still counts them, even after all this time, so he tried to get them first when he could.

He set up a bolt and aimed his crossbow at the geek…done.

They begin to walk to the body to get that bolt back. “Thank you.”

“So, when are we gonna start this thing?” he asked, secretly pumped completely resigned.

“When the lightning bugs come out,” they reply, closing their eyes to pull the bolt out of the skull. “We’ll need it dark enough. Won’t be too much longer.”

You

It’s getting darker and darker.

This is gonna be awesome! Minus the all bugs, and the amount of insect spray you’ve inhaled. Daryl lit up a cigarette to deter them, too.

He taps you on the arm and points. “Hey, firefly over there. We gonna start?”

You click on the police radio and hush to Glenn back at the prison. “Ready.”

That delicious sensation you get while a roller coaster approaches the first drop starts to spread through you as you pull out your matches from your satchel. “Got your lighter handy?”

He rummages through his pocket. Pulls out a Zippo.

And surprising you, he full-on giggles, “Alright, slowpoke, let’s do this!”

Him

The two of them lit the fuses, sprinted toward the next set, lit them, and kept going like that as the booms and whistles sounded from behind them. He felt like a little kid again, it was so…this was fun!

Y/N and Glenn had found a ton of fireworks. And shit, Y/N was fast, he’d forgotten just how quick they could get. He had to work to keep up the pace.

And he was having so much fun as he and Y/N sped off on the motorcycle toward the last setup, the one far in the opposite direction of the radio tower, that he almost didn’t notice their hands wrapped tightly around his waist instead of on his shoulders like they'd always done before.

 But once they’d lit the final, very long fuses together and zoomed off toward the radio tower, that their arms were squeezing his middle was suddenly all he could think about.

He liked it.

A lot.

And he wasn’t good about physical touch, most people knew that pretty quick about him. But Y/N doing that didn’t feel like too much. It felt good. Safe. Natural.

T-Dog, shut up, he again thought in his head, tossing a glare up at the sky as he pressed down the kickstand and turned off the motorcycle.

You

After pushing aside this silly desire that popped into your head that told you to keep holding onto him, you hop off his bike and sprint to the radio tower stairs and climb the stairs and ladder as fast as your legs will carry you. You don’t want to miss the finale!

“Pick up the pace, dude, here I thought I was the slowpoke,” you call down to Daryl.

Rushing up the ladder only made your ‘problem’ (read: previously injured and reinjured and now permanently funky) shoulder pinch a little.

At the top, you reach back into your pocket to take out your matches and light the final firework duct-taped to the railing—but you discover that all the excitement’s rendered your hands and fingers tingly and shaking.

“There’s another?” you hear Daryl pant. He takes the last step up the ladder with a groan as he stands up and joins you.

“This one’s to let Glenn know we made it to the top okay. Just havin’ trouble here, my hands are all wobbly.”

“I got ya, let me.”

His hands are shaky, too, you notice. Must be all the excitement catching up to the two of you.

Him

The firework had a very short wick and shot up just a few seconds after he’d lit it.

With a high-pitched hee, the green flare soared before it fizzled into a small shower of sparkles.

He’s just glad he had a Zippo so he could light it in the first place; his hands were shaking.

Shaking! That shit didn’t happen to him.

If he didn’t have what T-Dog told him that time chasing around his thoughts all afternoon, he would think it must’ve been solely due to all the running around and fun.

But when Y/N took his arm and pulled him to the other side of the radio tower and stared expectantly into the distance, he couldn’t help but accept how it felt right.

They’d touched his arm before, he’d casually touched theirs, too, no big deal (anymore). They’d hugged him before. Gave him a massage, hell, he did that for them when they had migraines or when their messed-up shoulder was causing them grief. They even danced together after Glenn and Maggie got hitched.

T-Dog. This is your fault. Merle, you too.

All Merle had asked him in the woods that day was if he’d turned “All soft for the square?” And when he didn’t answer the right way, his big brother had snickered, “Shit, I guess findin’ another prude is what finally done it for you.”

But it’s what T-Dog had said to him that kept poking through his memory.

“You know what the word for it is just as much as I do, man. Now, I ain’t gonna say the word out loud, though, I think that’d be too much for ya. But I’m looking forward to the day you own up to it. Y/N is worth it. And so are you, brother.” Then he’d cracked up and added, “And obviously I’ma want your first kid named after me. Theodore, Theodora, it all works.”

So, he tried not to look at Y/N.

Not that he didn’t want to look at them, but fuck, man, it was getting real. He wasn’t gonna be able to not ignore this much longer.

He wouldn’t even want to ignore it anymore, and that was the scary part.

Until he realized that it didn’t feel scary.

Not when the finale began and Y/N squealed and flung their arm around his shoulder while doing a little victory dance. Not when they stopped jumping and relaxed, moving their arm from around his shoulder to around his back as the last of the fireworks shot up and lit the night sky. Not when his arm wrapped around their shoulder, either, as they watched the lights fizzle away.

Everything about Y/N felt safe.

Cheers began sounding through the police radio on Y/N’s belt along with a louder voice that was Glenn’s, although nothing was coming through clearly with all the background noise.

He could feel Y/N breathing heave up and down against his side, could feel them giggling as the last of the adrenaline wore off. Their head leaned against his chest for a moment, then pulled back.

They unhooked their arm from around him.

He didn’t want that, he wanted them to stay that way.

Fuck.

If he had any balls, now would be when he would kiss them.

You

If you weren’t so careful and if you thought he’d want it, now is when you’d probably kiss him. But, that’s just the adrenaline and the longing talking.

“So, good news,” you stammer, a wide smile stretching across your face. “The house Glenn and I got all that from? There’s more fireworks in there. The folk who lived there must have sold illegal fireworks on the down-low or bought in bulk to stock up or some such,” you babble. Adrenaline.

You angle your head up to see if he’s happy about it and to hear what he thinks, but he’s just looking at you. Not in the eyes, but lower, by your chin? You don’t have soot on your face, do you? You brush off your mouth and chin just in case.

Likewise, you brush away the idea that he was staring at your lips. It’s adrenaline and longing, calm down, Y/N.

“M’sorry, what’d you say?” he asks, then blinking a bunch of times and stepping back.

Oh, got it, he must not have heard you. The booms were noisy, you suppose. Must be tired, too.

When you repeat what you’d said, his eyes crinkle and he makes that shy smile you love where just one corner of his mouth peeks up. “Next year, I want in.”

“Awesome! I almost asked you to help this year, but figured a surprise was better the first time around. You, you told me it was your favorite holiday, and you’ve been havin’ a rough go of things…”

Him

“You know what the word for it is just as much as I do, man. Now, I ain’t gonna say the word out loud, though, I think that’d be too much for ya. But I’m looking forward to the day you own up to it. Y/N is worth it. And so are you, brother.”

His hands were still tingly. His stomach may have floated away, he wasn’t too sure. He was sure about one thing, though. Finally owning up to it in his head, at least.

That his friend that he loved and was goddamned in love with was standing there smiling and chatting away while he couldn’t seem to find any words at all.

“We can probably go home in like 10 minutes, what do you think? And do you want me to drive us back? You seem a little out of it. You’ve had a long day, I don’t blame you, and I haven’t ridden in like tow weeks, I’d be cool with it. Oh, and we gotta use the secret side entrance, I’m being silly about keepin’ Rick without concrete proof about whodunnit—don’t worry, it’s my head on the chopping block, you and Glenn are safe from the guillotine, as it were.”

After a very deep inhale and a shake of their head while they exhaled, they then apologized. “I think I’m still a little jittery from all the excitement, sorry for gabbin’ on. On that topic, when we get back, I think we should have beer. I,” they shrugged, “I hid three in my tower, one for me, two for you. You said ‘hot dogs, fireworks, and a shit ton of beer’ were what you liked about the Fourth. Two beers ain’t a lot, I know—but you know me, dude, m’kinda a square. I care about you and your liver.”

Y/N then crossed their arms and relaxed on the guardrail. He had enough brains at that moment to lean next to them, arms crossed just the same, his shoulder close to touching theirs.

“What did you and Merle do on the 4th of July? Lots of good ’ole American fun? Your Uncle Jess must’ve been there, too. What about your, um, your father?”

“What about you, with your brother and sisters, foster siblings, nieces and nephews? Must’ve been a damn powwow. Carl was prolly there, too, with Rick and Lori? Grandma Jean?”

He wanted to keep hearing them talk, to look at their smile and not need to think about anything other than Y/N.

He didn’t want anything else other than Y/N.

All the fireworks that night, and the thing that was giving him the biggest thrill was the person standing next to him.

He barely took notice when “Happy 8th of July!” got shouted particularly loud over the police radio next.

Pausing mid-sentence and still smiling bright, Y/N lifted the radio between them. “On three, yeah?”

He wondered what it would be like to kiss them right then and there.

But instead, he nodded and held up three fingers, counting down.

Three, two:

“Happy 8th of July!”

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[twofrontteethstillcrooked]

Destiel Month, 1 Nov.: First

"This isn't the first time I've needed stitches and it won't be the last, probably, unfortunately – but I need you to know I wasn't being reckless or, jesus, suicidal...”

deancas, established relationship, human cas

In attempting to tiptoe into the room, Cas misjudged the clearance needed. The loud thwack wasn't accompanied by a groan of agony only because he held both it and the accompanying breath between his teeth.

Dean was awake already. Cas sighed inwardly and moved to the bed.

"I know what you're going to say," Dean started. His voice had a rusty, raspy sound of misuse. Cas still found it relieving. "And you're right."

Before Cas could ask the reasonable question, Right about what? Dean continued, "I was being stupid, but not in the way you think."

Cas opened his mouth and closed it again. His toe had gone numb.

Dean picked at the blanket. "I didn't mean to take a big risk, is the thing." He winced as he moved his heavily bandaged leg just a bit. "I wasn't – repeat, was not – trying to be a hero. I didn't know the missing lady was trapped in that basement, a, and b, I especially didn't know the stairs were going to collapse like that."

He made a pained face as he scratched around the perimeter of the bandage with a fingernail. "This isn't the first time I've needed stitches and it won't be the last, probably, unfortunately – but I need you to know I wasn't being reckless or, jesus, suicidal. Already got that thinly veiled lecture from Sam and I know you two gossip, so any repeat is not necessary; one's enough."

His eyes softened as he looked at Cas. Cas wondered if this was his chance to say something. 

No! Dean began again with, "In the past, I swear I wasn't relying on you to heal me – you weren't always available, for one thing. But I'll admit sometimes I was maybe more careless than I would've been before we met. Emphasis on maybe, 'cause gettin' hurt sucks even if it only lasts for a few minutes and the family business is what it is." His smile was small and steady. Intimate. "I need you to know I'm always gonna try to come home in one piece, same way you're trying. Bein' human is hard and hunting's a hard job; doesn't mean either of us is gonna be taken out by tripping over our bootlaces or falling on a rusty nail."

Dean finally paused long enough that Cas felt like he had permission to speak.

"Thank you for saying that." Cas sat down beside him on the mattress. "I am sorry you got injured, and sorry I couldn't fix it." He brushed a lock of Dean's hair back from his forehead.

Dean leaned forward and tucked his head against Cas's collarbone. "Please don't be mad at me," he whispered. "My leg's gonna be just fine in a couple of weeks."

Cas pushed him up gently. "I know. I'm not mad at you."

"You looked pretty damn mad when you came in the room," Dean said, sounding wholly unconvinced of Cas's lack of anger. 

Cas thought for a moment. "I stubbed my toe on the doorframe right as I walked in."

Dean's eyes widened.

"What? It hurt," Cas grouched.

Dean's face crumpled into laughter and he slumped back onto the pillows again. "Well, I'm sorry about your foot, then."

"Thank you," Cas said with as much dignity as he could muster. He noticed Dean gazing downright dreamily at him. "Dean?"

"Hmm?"

"You took the pain pill Sam gave you?"

Dean nodded, and Cas revised his assessment of Dean's eyes from soft to glistening – green and very glazed. 

"Good," Cas said. "That should help you sleep for a few hours." He smiled a little because he was being smiled at a little.

"You're my best friend and I'm in love with you." Dean's crackly voice was full of awe. "I'm your best friend and you're in love with me," he declared with an equal amount of conviction.

Cas nodded and pulled the blanket up to Dean's chin. "You should take a nap now."

"Mmm." Dean's eyes fluttered shut. "You wanna stay and nap? It'll make your toe feel better."

He was asleep before the next breath. He wasn't wrong, though. Cas curled up beside him on the bed and, indeed, his foot already felt fine.