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notsopersonalcharlie · 2 months

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Oklahoma Smokeshow

Best Friend's Dad!Joel Miller x fem!reader hurt/comfort

Warnings: Drinking, drunk asshole, cop!Joel (that's a warning), mentions of Joel maaaaaybbbee being a bad cop, an unhealthy attachment by Joel (and you lol), allusions to an abusive marriage, cheating, age gap (Joel in his 40s, reader in your 20s) fade to black smut

Notes: Ok so not going to lie when i thought of this (obviously based on Oklahoma Smokeshow by Zach Bryan) it was going to be smut so maybe someday there will be a part two but it got soooo long. please enjoy and let me know if you want another part. i never write for joel, or pedro characters, but it could happen idk .Gif isn't mine

You took another shaky breath, trying to ignore your sweaty thighs sticking to the leather seat. You were sitting so far up on the seat you were practically on the edge to reach the pedals, but you kept your eyes focused on the road through your tears. You could tell you were swerving across the lines, but you said a soft prayer that there were no cops and you would just make it home. If you could just make it home.

It was barely two miles from the bar when the blue and red lights started flashing in your rearview. You couldn't tell if you were terrified or relieved when you pulled over, tears streaming down your face. You weren't sure you could have made it all the way eight more miles down the dark road.

You rolled down the window, taking deep breathes to keep yourself from hiccuping. You had no idea where your wallet had gone. You would figure it out. The cop approached, headlights backlighting him so you couldn't see him. Maybe it was one of your high school friends, maybe it would be okay. Your breaths started to get shallow again and you focused on breaking your panic, staring straight at the steering wheel.

"Lisence and re-Oh." You looked up, and your panic popped like a bubble, sobs wracking your body as your muscles gave out from their rigid state.

"Oh darlin'." The door opened and you were wrapped in warm strong arms. Joel Miller was the best person who could have shown up at that door.

"You're okay, sweetheart. You're okay." It was a while before you could stop your tears, and the shoulder of Joel's sweatshirt was soaked.

"You're okay." He had been repeating in a whisper like a mantra, and you finally pulled away, sitting all the way up in your seat, feet still dangling out the door. He looked you over again, glancing dubiously around the cab of the truck. It reminded you of the look he used to have when he looked around Sarah's room when you two snuck alcohol into her underwear drawer.

"Ready to tell me what's going on?" Another thing he would always say to you and Sarah. She was long gone from this dead end town, and you were still here.

Joel's heart was melting at the sad look on your face, nose and eyes red, tracks of tears staining your cheeks. He hadn't expected you to be in the driver's seat of the pickup truck, not you who had been so proud of your little fixer upper that sometimes barely made it down the dirt roads near the park. Your lip was trembling again, and you looked down at your hands.

It gave Joel too long of a moment to look at the tight dress you had on, your makeup mostly washed away in your sobs. He was sure it had wiped away on the khaki of his uniform shirt. Your chest heaved with each breath and Joel looked away from you, glancing up and down the road. He had spent all of Sarah's college years trying not to look at you too long when you came by when she was home during breaks. He gave you the barest of smiles when you crossed paths in town. He didn't go to your wedding even though it was just up the road and Sarah was your maid of honor.

"He's-" Your breath caught again and Joel looked back, tilting his head so he could catch your eyeline.

"He's too drunk to drive," you stuttered, pointing toward the bed of the truck. Joel let go of you momentarily and looked over the wall. A man, head lolling so Joel was certain he was alive, was laying there, his cowboy hat was tossed into one corner, jeans suspiciously dark at the top. Joel wanted to punch him. Your husband was drunk out of his mind, barely conscious, and you were sobbing in the driver's seat of his car. You were too good for this asshole.

Joel got a hold of himself as he stepped back to you, helping you out of the driver's seat and onto the ground. Your high heeled boots were thrown on the passenger side and he grabbed those too, pulling a flashlight from his belt to check if there was anything else you needed. There were two phones in the cupholders, one with a completely cracked screen.

"Got anything else?" You shook your head from where you were leaned over pulling the boots on.

"Alright, let's go." You froze, staring at him.

"What about -"

"I'll come back tomorrow. It'll be okay." You stood, staring at Joel's outstretched hand. It was dark, you were started to get cold, you couldn't carry him into the house. But he would be pissed if you left him, you knew tomorrow you were going to face hell.

"Darlin', I promise I will deal with him. Just come with me." Joel's brown eyes were sincere. He had never steered you wrong when he tried. He got you a job, he towed your car and wouldn't let you pay a cent when it got stuck in a ditch, he made sure you and Sarah always had the time of your life without fearing for your safety. He was the reason you were still in this town, even if you weren't ready to admit it to yourself.

"I'll take you home in the morning if that's what you want." Your stared turned confused.

"If that's what I want?" You hadn't considered there was another option.

"You can stay with me - for a bit," he was quick to add. His hand was still out and you took it tentatively. He led the way to his trooper car, helping you into the passenger seat and stepping around the hood.

Joel's heart was hammering in his chest. He had you in the car. It was going to be fine. The look of shock that had overtaken your features, your beautiful face, when you realized you didn't actually have to go back to that asshole had broken his heart. He paused, noting the license plate number and the make and model of the car. If he had it his way, he would have stuck him into the driver's seat and called it in, but he knew he had to do this right for him and you.

You were looking around at all the little devices in the front of the car when Joel sat in the driver's seat.

"How do you not get distracted?" The question caught Joel off guard and he laughed.

"Y'get used to it." The car started and the lights turned off, leaving the blue truck ahead of you barely illuminated by the headlights. Joel reached over, lacing his fingers in yours, stopping you from picking at your skin.

"We'll figure it out." His deep voice was full of sincerity and it almost brought you back to tears.

Joel drove in silence. His house was close, back in the direction you had come from. He couldn't help but reflect on you being in his front seat, skimpy dress riding up. It wasn't the first time. He used to drive you home to your parents house, but this was different, his hand in yours and your fingers holding tight to his like it was your last tether to reality. Sarah had commented on your new husband when she found out you were engaged. She had screamed in excitement on the phone and then hung up and deadpanned to Joel across the kitchen that you were making a huge mistake and he was an asshole, you wouldn't make it out alive.

Somewhere in the back of that mind the sentence had echoed, she'll never make it out alive. He had stayed in this shithole of a town, he had kept an eye on you. He could have left, he stayed for you and he wanted to admit it now.

"I-" At the same time as,

"Joe-" You both laughed, silence continuing as he pulled down his street and into the gravel driveway. Tommy had built them the nicest house on the block, and it was always getting renovations so Tommy could practice new techniques. You hadn't been there in a while and the covered porch was an addition that you had badgered Joel about for years.

"Wow, it looks great."

"I knew you'd like it," he said quietly, turning off all the little machines and grabbing the radio, glancing at you before hitting the button on the side.

"This is Miller, signing off. Be at it early." The radio crackled.

"Ten four, Miller. Have a good night." He turned that off too and got out of the car. You followed. There was a loveseat couch on the porch.

"Sarah said you'd like it," Joel said, a little gruff as he unlocked the front door and pushed it in. It smelled like home to you. Like safety and laughter. You wondered why your own house never smelled like that. Joel was quiet as he went into his room and you went into Sarah's out of habit. It was neat, she always was, and in her mostly bare closet was a stack of your own clothes, PJs you always left there. You tossed off the dress and pulled on the worn tie-dye tshirt and shorts, taking a deep breath. You folded the dress on the dresser and after a few seconds, slid your wedding ring off your finger. It was cheap, a single diamond on a silver band. The rest of your gold jewelry went next, and you stared at Sarah's empty bed before stepping across the hall into the kitchen where there was a light on.

Joel was drinking a glass of water, he had automatically gone for a beer but thought better of it. He set it on the counter and finished unbuttoning his shirt when you walked in. You looked more like yourself now, a familiar tshirt and shorts covering you up now. He didn't want to admit how many times he had thought about you in those clothes.

"Alright?" You gave a little nod, getting your own glass of water and sitting on one of the stools at the counter. Joel shucked off his khaki shirt, leaving him in a white tshirt, and he sat next to you.

"I'm sorry that you-"

"Don't ever say that. You know you can always call me." It was quiet again, you took another sip.

"Joel, I should have. A while ago." You looked up and he was already looking at you, those big brown eyes always so attentive. You always wondered if it was in the way you wanted them to be, but you were pretty sure now. A childish crush had turned into something much more in the past few years.

"I should have been there to help." In a feat of courage, Joel's hand rested softly on your bare thigh. You turned, in an equal feat of courage and grabbed his face, the look of surprise the last thing you saw before you closed your eyes and kissed him.

Joel's mind went blank for a moment and then you were kissing him, your soft lips against his, and he grabbed you, standing up so he could stand between your soft legs and pull you closer. After a breathless moment, you pulled back, resting your forehead to his collarbone.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"Never be sorry for that, darlin'. Never." He articulated the last syllables before kissing you again, this one deeper, with more heat. His hands pulled at your legs and you let him pull you into the air, arms around his shoulders as he carried you into his bedroom with a mumbled, "sorry" when your knee knocked against the doorframe.

Joel laid you out on the bed, and you were actually there, not in his imagination. It was quiet, to himself, you didn't quite hear him under the rustle of clothing.

"She's gonna make it out alive."

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #bfd!joel #joel miller hurt comfort #tlou #the last of us #cop!joel miller #charliewrites #notsopersonalcharlie

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lol-jackles · 5 months

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Walker episode 3 review

Making space. For past lost love, for current love, for children’s independence.

The episode starts with Liam foreshadowing the state of Cordell and Geri relationship when he explains the Japanese art of kintsugi, putting broken pottery pieces back together by using gold as glue, a metaphor for embracing flaws and imperfections and creating another piece of art. Cordell and Geri’s relationship is complicated by the tragic deaths of their respective partners within 2 years of each other and the four of them were friends since high school.

Trey and Liam tease Cordell for not telling Geri that he loves her, and Trey advises the classic “give her a drawer” at his place to show commitment. Liam talks about Stella to Cordell, but he rather trusts Stella to come to him as he's giving his adult child space. Then Cordell follows Trey's advice on giving Geri space in his wardrobe in an awkward but sweet scene. Cordell and Geri were monogamous with their respective late partners for 20 years, so they're inexperienced when it comes to new relationships.

Like father like daughter, the Rawlings are bad influences on the fiery member of the Walker clan. Sadie Rawlings had convinced Stella to pretend not to have met Witt before the break-in because Stella is about to go to college and Sadie has a record. In a panic, Stella went along. I think ever since she spent a night in jail for something she didn’t do but because she hadn’t earned her father's trust due to her lack of credibility weighs on Stella's fear.

Like father and daughter, Stella investigates off-the-books (i.e. not telling adults) on who is targeting her with threatening messages and leaving her car smelling like gasoline, a matchbook, and Witt’s picture. Wait, I didn’t know Witt’s body was burned in a fiery car crash. Was this the first time they said this or was it mentioned in an earlier episode?

Liam's default state is to help people, but Stella shuts him out and Cordell isn't biting, so he's helping Cassie clear out her storage unit of sentimental items. Meanwhile, Cordell looks for a shirt that Emily gave him, which Geri had accidentally donated when she made room for her things. This upsets Cordell who assumed because Geri was present when Emily gave him the shirt 20 years ago, that she would know how much it means to him. Half of Cassie’s sentimental collections aren’t even stuff she partook in but will once she slows down in some unscheduled point in the future. Cordell looks to the past while Cassie looks to the future, neither are in the present.

Alan Alda once said, “Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in.” Liam and Abilene respectively encourage Cassie and Cordell to start anew by not making assumptions and being active in the present. Liam gives Cassie tickets to a robot fight event and she in turns gives him a personalized key chain that he wanted all his life but never purchased for himself because Cordell couldn't have one due to how unusual his name is.

Side note: I really need a backstory on why Bonham and Abeline saddled their first born with such an unusual name.

Side note 2: Cassie couldn't have a personalized key chain either because there isn't enough Cassandras in the world. The Greek myth origin of Cassandra was a priestess who could see the future but was never believed. Hence Cassie living up to her namesake ever since she arrived in the scene.

Turns out Geri hadn't been so great with communicating to Cordell either when he had accidentally broke Hoyt’s mug but Geri didn’t mention it. They promised to try to communicate better and they finally said their “I love you” for the first time after 3 years of slow burn and misfires. These two don’t have a traditional “getting together” as they are widower and widow, even though Geri and Hoyt were never married their on-off-again relationship did last 20 years. While Cordell couldn’t get his Emily-gave-me-shirt back, he glued Hoyt’s mug back together, a callback to Liam's kintsugi talk at the start of the episode.

August first day at preparation boot camp led him to make the same mistakes that many young soldiers make ahead of their first deployment, they sell all their belongings but then they have nothing to come back to upon their return home. They made too much space but fortunately Trey mentors August towards a more balanced head space and he decides to keep his vinyl collection just like Cassie keeping her dvd collections.

While on night duty at the Ranger HQ, Cassie asks Cordell and Trey to catch her up while she was gone for 5 months; jokingly including hackers and serial killers. Seeing Trey's and Cordell's silent facial communication, Cassie turns on her inner Sam Winchester excitement over a real serial killer on the loose and offers up her FBI connections to help with the off-the-book investigation.

The episode ends Stella and Sadie are coming up with dead ends in their off-the-book investigation when a very much alive and not-burned Witt forces Stella to drive him to an undisclosed location.

Speculation #3! After hearing that Stella had visited his memorial, Witt decided Stella is the one whom he can trust to get him out of whatever predicament he's in.

Score: 8.9 out of 10. A good bottle episode focusing on character studies and development before next week's episode's deeper dive into case of the serial killer Jackal.

#walker #review #jared padalecki

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gin-juice-tonic · 2 years

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Hey Gin this might be a silly thing to ask, but how did you realize you were trans? Cause ever since I saw your trans Stan and Ford I think I had some sort of relivation, it started with just really enjoying the art you drew to me feeling some sort of envy. Either that I want to dress more masculine or that I actually want to be a man, cause honestly when I look at your trans stans I just feel so much gender envy (jealousy?) And on my last period I had a whole crying fit over it starting, which has never happened before. I just don't know if this is actually what I'm feeling or if it isn't. I've had thoughts of telling my mom and fearing the consequence. This is just all so new and I'm honestly scared. I figured I'd ask you since I look up to you and from what I've seen you are quite wise. I don't really know why I have so much self doubt and constantly flip flop over things. It's frustrating, I just wish I could be certain about something for once. Sorry about this, I'm a mess really.

It’s not silly to ask. My answer is unfortunately a little silly, because I’m a goober. I also typed A LOT so its all going under a read more

So, I was 16 and on tumblr even more than I am now, and I was (still am) friends with a trans woman who reblogged a post that was like “Just trans girl things: eating dark chocolate because it has substances similar to estrogen” and I went “Haha i guess I should stop eating it.” followed by “…why do I feel that way” and THAT was followed by quite the crisis.

Trans men weren’t as well known about back then, so I was like “Well, it means nothing, since only women can be trans”. And then I found out men could be trans too and that pushed my crisis further along. And I started to think. About how I liked when people defaulted to male pronouns for me on the internet, or how when i was a kid I would use a crazy amount of shampoo to make my hair look short and flatten my chest in front of the mirror and look at it. Things like that. And I got upset because “no i can’t be trans that’s impossible”. I would google things like “how do you know if you’re trans”, “quiz to see if you’re trans”, ect.

But the idea of being seen as a man was exciting. It was tantalizingly exciting. And I knew it could be possibility for me someday, and I knew that made a part of me happy and I couldn’t un-know it.

Final straw was a nonbinary person I had been following made a post about how they were going to start taking testosterone. And instead of feeling happy for them I just got mad and started sobbing to myself. Because I was so extremely jealous. So jealousy absolutely has its place in figuring things out.

You should think. Think about attaining the things you’re envious about. Does this make you happy? It’s okay if it’s upsetting or scary at the same time. Change often is. But if it makes you happy, excites you, gives you hope for the future, it’s worth thinking more about.

You don’t have to jump into telling your mom right away (and I wouldn’t really recommend it till you’re a little more sure of yourself). You can go at whatever pace you want to. I didn’t tell my mom (or anyone in my real life at all) till I was like, 20. And I’d known for 4 years at that point. You’ve sent me a tumblr message, so I’m assuming you’ve got an account here. I’d say asking your friends on this website to address you as male would be a good way to ease into things. And you can see if you like that or not.

For how you dress, again, you can ease into it. Personally it made me happy to dress in athletic clothing (especially tank tops- to show off my non existent guns), or to dress like a greaser (Though I preferred a black t shirt to a white one), or a golfer. None of those things particularly scream ‘man’ but they were man enough to me. You can find things man enough for you. If you want to try out a binder and think you can get one without anyone noticing, my first ever one was a Tri-top from Underworks. They’re like $30 or so. I was able to get away with buying it because I was a cosplay nerd so I just said it was for that.

If you’re the type of person who owns makeup- you could try to find some time alone just to have an experiment of mimicking drag king makeup, or makeup for cosplayers doing male characters. I did that once early on, and while it looked admittedly goofy, it made me ecstatic at the time.

Er sorry for things getting so long. But I just want to say lastly that self doubt is both normal and okay. And thinking far in the future (ie- things like coming out to people or hormones or anything like that) might scare you. But you can take things one step at a time if you want to. Play with just looking at clothes, making outfits on pinterest or whatever, imagining scenarios where people address you as male, thinking of names you might like. See what makes you happy, and expand on the things that do from there.

And regardless of what you discover, in the end you will have learned more about yourself. And that's always a good thing.

#long post #VERY LONG IM SORRY #ask stuff

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a-friend-of-mara · 7 months

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Hey uh

I'm leaving my mask at the door for a minute

If you enjoy the image of myself I put forward, the happy cheery autistic trans girl who doesn't dwell on her issues

Please just ignore this post

If you are uncomfortable with mentions of self harm, talking about non prescription drug addiction, suicide rates of trans kids

Please just go

Look

I say my biggest fear is that I'll be forgotten

It's easier than saying that I'm scared to death of myself

I'm worried I'll give up on life and stop eating... considering I can't gain or maintain weight I'd have a week before I was dead at the most

I'm afraid that I'll give up trying to look like the person I want to be rather than being stuck, trapped in a body that isn't mine but I'm wired up to like some sick torture method

I don't want to fall into drug use or self harm hoping that it'd pull me out of this pit of self hatred and hopelessness

I don't wanna be another tally mark on the trans suicide charts

I don't wanna die

I feel like I'm suffocating

That I can't move my legs... only the ones attached to me

I don't even know if I matter at this point

I just

I wanna be me

Not some false image that I was born with

Nobody understands how it is for me

My dad almost killed me with th fact he understood so little he put me into survival mode where I cared about nothing but staying alive because of how much damage his insistence that my body was in fact his son and not the cage that trapped his daughter

He used to have twins now he just has one kid with her twin sister... my sister

Now I live with my mom who doesn't understand, how could she? She's never wanted to tear her skin off because it wasn't hers... she understands how much I hurt though

She's able to see through my mask that I'm really suffering inside

Without her yall wouldn't have ever known I existed

You would've heard a news article of a trans kid who killed herself by diving off the balcony at her school although the media would misgender me.

I've almost done it

Sitting on the edge of a lethal drop fighting with myself to not do it

Not sure if I was lying when i told myself things would get better

I'm not sure if they are

Everything just keeps getting worse and worse

I can't even cry anymore

I don't care about so many things that I used to

I used to love

Then I was heartbroken

I used to care for my friends

Until I moved away

I used to enjoy helping others

Now I'm so tired I can't

Just

Fuck

It's kinda funny

How part of me thinks it's all my fault

How I'm not sure if it's something I did

But then I have to think

What could I possibly have done that'd make this torment justified?

How can any higher power exist when I've prayed to every God and Goddess I've ever learned of and not once has a goddam thing happened

How would a higher power let the world get this fucked up

Fuckin hell

My trans siblings are getting murdered for being themselves

Innocent people who live in unfortunate places are being killed because of stupid ass reasons

Fucking hell in America most people aren't free enough to take a month off work without becoming homeless

Decades of prejudice make people think women are weak and need defending but don't pay them well because... fuckin I don't know why!

It's pathetic that men get away with rape while women get away with false rape accusations usually destroying every relationship the man ever cared about

People look at others and treat them differently based on the color of their skin

YA KNOW HOW FUCKIN STUPID THAT IS?!

ITS DUMBER THAN PICKING ON SOMEONE WHO WORE A BLUE SHIRT PURELY BECAUSE OF THE SHIRT

What for?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS FOR?!

The privilege to go through 12 to 20 years of school to earn the right to have to work a job I'll probably hate until I'm like 60?!

Right now I'm pretty sure my life is gonna end before I reach 30!

What's the fuckin point?!

America for fucks sake

The land of the free

Yeah free to work or die because the 0.01% run the fucking nation like their playground

People wonder why I've responded to hostility with hostility in the last 3 years

Simple

I've bottled my emotions for so long the bottles are all full

Yelling and ranting always make me feel a little better

If anyone comments on this negatively I hope you die in a vat of boiling vinegar and drown in the yolks of rotten eggs

That goes for all the phobic people too

If you made it through this whole essay sized emotional breakdown and don't think I'm a complaining winey bitch

I can only say I wish the world was made of more people like you

Alright

Time for sleep

#tw: depression #tw depressing stuff #tw self destructive behavior #trans #trans woman #me #depressing shit #trans struggles

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topgunreacts · 1 year

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Here's a hilariously self-centered comment for everyone to enjoy

I got this at the end of a chapter where I remind people that launching their amateur Kirkus Reviews career in the comments of a fanfiction without being asked is rude as fuck. (Not Top Gun. I made the author's note after a person reacted with utter scandal and dismay to ONE sentence referencing a protag sleeping with someone outside the pairing before they even met)

Highlights

"Hmm"

"Ffn encourages criticism so writers can improve" Girl WHAT. ~*~fanfiction dot com has a culture of criticism~*~ WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. ITS CULTURE IS YAOI, BAD SEX, AND WORSE FORMATTING

The assumption that everyone is writing fanfiction "to improve" [in a way this person approves of, naturally]. Sorry, some people post things that are full of mistakes because they don't give a shit, and neither should you! Click that back button, babe!

"Maybe the people over at ffn are more the university grad type?" LASKDJFLASK girl PLEASE for the love of god give me some of what you're smoking. This is my favorite line. It is shirt-worthy

Big Cringe[tm] all around

"Your talk of hurt feelings strikes me as kinda immature" is this flirting

"HMM"

"It could be a difference in educational background and/or age" oh my goooood the Cringe. The condescension. The possibility that this wasn't even MEANT to be mean, but EARNEST, which is even more Cringe.

I'M the one being immature. The 20+ year fandom veteran informing people that critiquing fanworks without solicitation is and always has been rude as fuck. Not you, the oblivious, self-important grad student condescending to me because you think I ought to expect and desire [yours, naturally] criticism.

The implication that I am less educated than they are. I'm willing to bet the possibility I could be more educated did not even cross their mind.

The absolutely unsubtle classism dripping from every word

And while we're critiquing without asking, (and treating judgment of people's writing as the Default Reading Experience) I will point out the spelling of "caveat" as "creveate" despite the fact that this comment was edited at least once. Come onnnnnnn.

They didn't even criticize anything! Their single comment on this story before I replied, froze the thread as a monument to their sins, blocked them, and nailed their corpse to the wall, was THIS. They spent time saying THIS instead of literally anything else. An undesired opinion, responding to my post about not wanting undesired opinions.

Pitiful.

Literary critique is a skill. It is not a selection of negative observations written using big words. It is not a list of likes or dislikes. It is not suggestion itself. It is a skill, and a difficult one to develop at that. The fact that your English teachers always made you "peer edit" other students' essays does not make you a real critic. Go to the bars and calm the fuck down. Talk to a single human being who isn't also in your ENG 680 class.

#writing #ao3 #ao3 comments #cringe #ah fanfiction dot net. the fanfic website for grad students #not like that uneducated hellhole ao3 #fanfiction

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saveraedae · 1 year

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WHY THE TMS MERCH STORE HAS BEEN ON HIATUS FOR SO LONG + WHEN TO EXPECT ITS RELAUNCH

Wanted to be transparent with people since I know some are out there who've been waiting for the TMS merch store to come back for awhile. This will be a long post, so look at the red text for the key points in case you wanted to know something specific.

Q: Why did you take it down in the first place?

A: I was using Teespring (Which I'll refer to as Spring as that's what they rebranded to,) and it's quality, in my opinion, was BAD. I did not do research before choosing them as a POD service. I've had people who have ordered who told me their apparel DISINTEGRATED after barely any washes. I own a sample from them, and I can confirm. While their shirt and print quality is decent at first glance, after washing your apparel, the print will soon begin to disintegrate. I'm not sure a better way to illustrate this with text, but it reminds me of those Thanos Snap "I don't feel so good" memes from a couple years ago. Yeah, it looks like THAT after washing. Not to mention, their payment process is shady. I know 100% that some people placed orders, as they had shown proof, and it did not show up in the dashboard. I wasn't worried about making money off of it at the time, because I just wanted to provide people with merch of their favorite characters, but there was no excuse for this.

Q: Why don't you use a service like Redbubble or something else?

A: While it is true that there's lots of other options available for POD merch creation with built-in storefronts, I took the hiatus to do research, as well as included past experiences I've had with other services to support my decision— (which I'll state further down below—) and Redbubble's quality is also not good in my opinion. I've owned shirts from them before and they have a weird sticky feeling to the print that I don't like, it's not very appealing in my opinion. But this isn't only about Redbubble, other merch services I've come across don't have the quality as the issue, they have the PRICE as the issue. I am not about to make ANYONE pay $40 for a damn T-shirt even if it lasts longer than the other services. TLDR for this: It's always a mix of services having bad quality, too little options, or being way too pricy.

Q: So what are you going to do now? It looks like they all aren't for you.

A: I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to have to run my own store. No, I won't have all of the stock on me. There will be a few items that I'm responsible for packaging on my own, but the majority will not be shipped by me. I have to use POD services that do not have built in store fronts, which means that I have to import your order to them before they create it. This is unlike POD services with built-in storefronts, which handle everything themselves and (are supposed to) pay me after you receive your order. So this means going forward it will be more hands on for me. I've been working on building my own store for a few months now, and the pieces are finally falling into place, so I'm excited for what's to come. :)

However, there has been a bit of a roadblock.

I was really close to being able to do a soft-launch of the new TMS merch store, but unfortunately I'm unable to do so. Why? Because I went to create a Paypal business account specifically for TMS funding (to better keep track of funds that will get put back into the production and seperate everything from my personal expenses,) and when I created the account I got flagged as 'being under 18' when I'm 20 years old and my ID clearly indicated such. After repetitively getting put on hold by Paypal customer service I was told "It is just a generic email, YOU actually need to be 21 because you live in Mississippi." ...Which is ridiculous in all honesty. Through this Paypal adventure I learned that there are only 3 US states where the age of majority is not 18, and I just so happen to live in the state with the highest age of majority. ...Great. At the very least, I turn 21 in a few months, only then will I be able to link the account to the store.

As for a launch date, I do not have an exact date, but I have a rough, definitive one...

Expect the TMS merch store to re-launch sometime early 2024!

(Plushes will also move from Ko-Fi to the new site when it launches.)

#the mark side #tms #saveraedae writes an essay again #announcement #important

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blackbackedjackal · 2 years

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sorry if this is a stupid question but ever sense you mentioned it a few days ago I've been wondering.

How much physical strength does taxidermy take? like, is it something any reasonably able bodied person could do or is there some strength training needed for the bigger critters?

So taxidermy itself isn't too straining if you're only interested in doing mounting. The forms are light weight and unless you're trying to mount a big game animal so anyone reasonably able bodied can defiantly get into it. The sewing, tugging, and tucking work is going to be more difficult than anything, and that's more strain on your hands, tendons, and forearms then overall body strength.

Animal processing is different, but again it depends on what you work on and what processes you do. I'd say the average person who's never done anything can handle skinning most small animals. Once you step into the 20-25lb territory is when things can get a bit straining.

All my strength training came from just doing the labor. A 5gal bucket full of water weighs about 42lbs and those are what I used for maceration. I used to have to hold the handle with both hands to move them around but after about a 8 months or so I was able to grab them one-handed and carry them for at least a few hundred feet. I personally consider any animal heavy if I can't lift it one-handed. That used to be anything around 15-20lbs, but now is anything over 40lbs after working for so long.

Breaking in hides after tanning them also takes a good amount of forearm strength. You need to be able to pull the leather in all directions as well as sand and shave it to make it soft. With smaller animals this isn't much of an issue, but larger ones require a decent amount of strength. I don't know of a good exercise to compare it to, but imagine you're trying to stretch a t-shirt to twice the size of what it is. That's kinda the same motion and amount of strength you would need, and again, varies on the size of the animal.

The good news is there's a ton of tools and equipment that can help with working on larger projects. I have issues with the tendons in my thumbs from doing animal processing without the use of these tools for many years, so I highly recommend them if you want to get into it on a professional or high-production level. They've saved a lot of strain on my hands and arms and make every process more efficient.

I use a skinning tripod with a gambrel to skin anything over 10lbs so the hardest part is turning the crank to hang up the animals. The rig can hold up to about 250lbs, and I don't think I've worked on anything over 50-60lbs. Tanning is far easier with tools like a wire wheel flesher. It basically does all the scrubbing for you so long as you get the right size wheel for the hide and can lift up the hide you're cleaning for several minutes at a time. I usually lay the part of the hide I'm not working on across the edge of the table and then work my way down the hide instead of holding it. I've also invested in some other things like belt sanders and shaving wheels, but those are more niche tools for working on large animals or ones with with thicker skin. Unless you're working on a lot of raccoons, coyotes, or deer they're not really necessary. The right sized wire wheel can handle most animals. A good fleshing beam and fleshing knife will also help ton. With the right angled beam and the right blade it's easy to push all the raw fat and skin off a hide without having to put a lot of physical strain into it (and good fleshing practices at the beginning saves you time in the later processes like when using the wire wheel).

All in all, if you can reasonable lift about 20lbs you can do most taxidermy and small animal processing. You're also able to sit down for many of these processes if you can't stand for long periods of time. Don't work on something you're not certain you can handle, and don't overexert yourself. You can pause at pretty much any point during the process and come back to it, so there's no real rush to get things done. It's a much more accessible hobby and profession than it seems, you just have to know your limits!

#ask #not a silly question at all #i'm more than happy to talk about this since this is part of like #my taxidermy thesis #there's a of ways to make it more accessible #like literally just don't start with coyotes or raccoons or opossum or deer and you're fine #those are all medium-hard level projects but wild foxes and small animals like rabbits and rodents are very easy to get into

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mickgaydolenz · 2 years

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here is my dream, madam, please buckle up. it is fcking weird.

I was laying in my bedroom, it was nighttime and all of my lights were off. I was in staring at my ceiling while I picked and the wood of my bedframe and then my door opened and (this isn't even gonna sound real feel free to think I'm lying) Michael Jackson came in. wearing his red thriller suit, and he sat on the end of my bed and smiled at me (I think he smiled I couldn't tell all my lights were off) and he said. "alright, are you ready to go?" in his nic little Michael Jackson voice so I sat up and went to my dresser to and got dressed (JUST NOW REALIZING I CHANGED IN FRONT OF HIM UGH GROSS) and he took me outside to a car full of people and the radio was on really loud (OH WAIT I NEED TO TELL YOU ABOUT WHAT I PUT ON) (it was actual clothes that I own it was my Grateful Dead long sleeve shirt with my Hawaiian lemonade shirt over it and my pants that I painted things all over and I loved it so much I'm literally wearing that outfit right now) but I sit in the passengers seat and Michael gets in the drivers seat and smiles at me🥺like dude this was the sweetest most sincere smile I've ever received I don't even find him attractive but I blushed🥺and then he said "guys! This is Raya! she's gonna hang out with us tonight!" then PUNCHED THE GAS AND WE STARTED GOING LIKE SIXTY MILES AN HOUR IN A NEIGHBORHOOD and I kept trying to get his attention but the people in the back seat were really loud and the radio was still on so eventually I tapped him on the shoulder and told him to slow down and asked him where we were even going, and he said an art show and he was going the speed limit, but still slowed down and then started telling me about the art installments they he did and how excited he was to show me,and when we got there it was the typical thing y'know. all white with weird modern art but whenever Michael showed me one of his it was either super cool or super weird, like the one that I personally thought was cool was his Christmas tree made of recycled milk cartons complete with a soda can grinch, and we eventually lost his friends and it was just him and I wandering the installments and laughing occasionally, but his arm was around my shoulders?? I didn't think anything of it though because I do that with all my friends, I'm very affectionate so I just thought he was reciprocating, then we stopped at one that was that weird space cowboy of Miek Nesmith he did in the 80s or 70s I don't know for sure and we looked at it for a while and I told him who it was and stuff, then we turned around and MIKE was standing there holding a glass of champagne and he smiled and said "I'm glad you like the picture, it was for my album lost in my bathroom, but I never ended up using it. the wives said it sounded weird. have you met my husband?" and Michael (Jackson) and I just froze, uhm. Mike had a husband?? so out of pure curiosity I said I hadn't met his husband. guess who it was. seriously. take a second and guess........IT WAS FCKING RINGO STARR. but like young 20-something Ringo with creepy 45-year-old mike which made Michael (Jackson) and I both look at each other like 👀, because that looked a bit sketchy, but nonetheless introduced ourselves and were polite, but the worst part was when Ringo went to leave Mike grabbed him by the shoulder and gave him THE SLOPPIEST KISS I'VE EVER SEEN AND MICHAEL AND I JUST LOOKED AT EACH OTHER WITH FEAR AND SHOCK, AND RINGO DIDN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE HE ENJOYED IT, BUT MIKE'S CREEPY ASS SURE AS HELL DID BECAUSE WHEN HE WALKED AWAY HE WAS SMIRKING AND I NEARLY FCKING DIEDDDDD. so Michael and I got the fuuuck outta there and just started talking nonstop about how CREEPY that was. Michael said at one point "that Ringo kid definitely isn't there willingly." and I just nodded, then we stopped at a portrait of a naked lady draped across some bed and we giggled, which made old people glare at us, so we left, then when we found his friends we decided to go get some food, and went to a Denny's. and the people who worked there all had blue hair, and Michael held my hand from across the table?? then I woke up

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH RAYA WHAT THE FUUUUUUCKKKK AHAGAGAGAGAHAGAGAGAAGAGAGGAGAGAGWGAHAHAHAH

i’m fucking. crying. sobbing. what the fuck dude 😂!!!!! okay, okay, fuck, mj taking you on a maybe date(?) to a fucking art gallery!?!? incredible, what a guy. BUT!!!!! 40+ MIKE NESMITH WITH 20 SOMETHING RINGO 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 BROOOOOOOOOO 🤮. the horrible. sloppy kiss. really hammered the yuck factor home…..

p.s my twin had a dream with mj once. he was helping them solve a murder….

#raya’s dreams :)#the mikes in your dreams are so cursed raya….#but also….not your dream low key high key being accurate. because mike’s third wife was like 20??? when they started seeing each other….#and he was……40 😩#rhubarb asks

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funkymbtifiction · 2 years

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For your philosophical opinions and ideas.

How do you define materialism?

I would look up the definition, which is this: "a tendency to consider material possessions and physical comfort as more important than spiritual values." I would then translate that into "the seeking of "things" over spiritual depth, character, or enlightenment."

What aspects of world, people you would call materialistic?

Materialistic people are concerned with making money so that they can own more possessions.

Say for me if it's harming people or hurting them in any way, i don't see the use or understand it, if it helps i can understand.

Unfortunately, when we are materialistic, we are indeed hurting people. I was reading last night that 70% of the world's population lives under the poverty line and that most people in the top 10% (which means making a mere 25k a year) are wearing clothes made by orphans, widows, and children in sweat-shops in poor countries. Someone in Indonesia is making a dollar a day so we can wear a $20 shirt. That's... a hard thing to think about, isn't it? That the $8 figurine we bought from China, someone under the poverty line made for us.

So i was wondering, why actors, models have to wear clothes that aren't comfortable or for everyday use, or go to huge celebratory events, waste so much money, time and effort on fashion shows and dresses and appearances if it's hurting them.

It's not hurting them. It may be a little uncomfortable, but it's about their career and staying famous so they can get more jobs.

I'm not making any judgement yet, I'm not sure why am I thinking this. But as u know even my ex friend pointed out not being judgemental but in a matter of fact interrogative manner on which she disagrees with that why actresses wear uncomfortable clothes when men actors wear simple, comfortable clothes?

Because women are expected to be beautiful and men aren't. (Yes, there is a sexist component to Hollywood/Bollywood/the entertainment industry.)

She called this after listening to Acharya Prashant that it's because of conditioning, wanting to show off, wanting to appear as something, to attract which could be for money, yet it's not wise or is more like doing things because the society asks for it, not bcoz it's one's Well thought out choice.

It sounds like your friend is judging them because they aren't making the choice she would make in their place -- but it's their life, not hers. We can't force other people to embrace our beliefs. Everyone has their own reasons for the decisions they make in life -- either because they feel like they "have" to do this for their success, or because they WANT to do this. We shouldn't assume other people haven't thought about their decisions just because it's not the one we would pick.

I sense an internalized misogyny and lack of knowledge of very ancient Indian culture, where nakedness wasn't a taboo. But his focus on this and my friend's was why wear such clothes if actresses themselves aren't comfortable in it?/or is it really an unconditioned choice of yours?

Maybe the actress LIKES to wear those clothes. Plenty of people wear uncomfortable garments to be more attractive -- there's nothing wrong with that if it's their decision.

What's the purpose of glamour and fashion, to an individual's growth, to world?

I would say to bring beauty and creativity into the world.

I believe that we all should focus on equitable distribution of resources, that everyone gets the chance to travel, explore, be healthy and have resources to do whatever they want or choose to. Most in industries iterate that life of an actor is lonely so I'm not judging them. And wondering on resenting their privilege.

I agree that an actor's life is lonely, but not because they possess no friends -- rather, because they can never tell if people love them for who they are, or of they are gaining something by being friends with a rich, popular, famous person. When you are famous, rich, successful, etc., there are always hangers-on who just want to exploit and profit off you, and that does indeed make for loneliness.

For eg i have learnt that superficiality shouldn't be about who's focusing on clothes, grades, etc but about the way we're judging them or ourselves or processing information, I'm against superficial linear based thinking/judgements. But if I'm wrong, feel free to correct me.

I think as tempting as it is to judge people according to our own views and standards, we have to allow them to prioritize what they care about and to make the decisions they want to make.

#question #random

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f1 · 2 years

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F1 SWAG: Our guide to the hottest Formula 1 products you can buy right now

The 2023 season is up and running after two exciting race to begin the year. But while we wait for the action to get going again on track in Australia, there may be a few things off-track that could catch your eye, such as he latest F1 merchandise and memorabilia currently for sale... So, we're here to give you a guide on the hottest Formula 1 items currently available for purchase, in our first edition of F1 Swag... Stunning Red Bull show car simulator Recently, Red Bull and Memento Exclusives made available for purchase a show car simulator based on their 2022 championship-winning car, the RB18, giving fans an opportunity to bring the cockpit into their homes. You can purchase The Champions Edition for RRP £99,999 here, or The Race Edition for RRP £74,000. READ MORE: Stunning Red Bull RB18 show car simulators to go on sale via F1 Authentics You can now buy a Red Bull RB18 show car simulator Surviving to Drive by Guenther Steiner Coming to you on April 20 is the Haas Team Principal's new book, in which he gives us a detailed account of what went on behind the scenes at the American squad during the entirety of the 2022 season. Steiner gives us a full account of the year, from the design and launch of their points-scoring 2022 race car, the VF-22, to the Grands Prix, the decision to part ways with Mick Schumacher and much, much more. READ MORE: Magnussen ‘really happy’ after last-gasp pass on Tsunoda clinches point at Jeddah You can pre-order Guenther Steiner's new book ahead of its release on April 20 New Alpine driver T-shirts Alpine have a new driver line-up for the 2023 season, which means they have also brought new apparel to the track for each of the racers. You can purchase Pierre Gasly's 2023 driver t-shirt here, alongside Esteban Ocon's here. Alpine launched their new kit collection ahead of the campaign, along with a number of other teams such as Red Bull, Mercedes and Ferrari, which are also available for purchase on the F1 Store. READ MORE: 'We definitely want more' – Ocon and Gasly left with mixed emotions after 'lonely' race in the top 10 at Jeddah Alpine have a new kit for the 2023 season Pacsun x Formula 1 Men's Track Pants and Women's Racing Jacket Recently, youth retailer Pacsun and Formula 1 joined forces on a multi-year partnership, with the spring collection being made available for purchase in March. You can currently buy the male 'Pole Position' track pants here and the women’s racing jackets here, alongside T-shirts, snapbacks, hoodies and much more on the website. Pacsun and Formula 1 have launched their first spring collection Nyck de Vries's new hat collection AlphaTauri’s newest recruit Nyck de Vries has launched his new official hat collection as he begins his rookie season in Formula 1, and you can buy a cap at his own personal shop here. While you're there, De Vries Freaks can also take a look at other memorabilia, along with some AlphaTauri apparel. WATCH: All Access – Nyck de Vries's first F1 car launch at New York Fashion Week Nyck de Vries has launched his new hat collection Oscar Piastri's HomeRace Collection Ahead of his first home Grand Prix in Australia, and now as a full-time member of the Formula 1 grid, you can shop Oscar Piastri’s limited edition HomeRace collection on his website here, where you can find T-shirts, hoodies, flags and much more for sale. Ripper! TREMAYNE: Piastri isn't enjoying stellar results yet, but he's got the makings of a top F1 driver Piastri has launched a HomeRace collection ahead of his first Australian Grand Prix as an F1 driver via Formula 1 News https://www.formula1.com

#F1 #F1 SWAG: Our guide to the hottest Formula 1 products you can buy right now #Formula 1

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dysfunctionalmaki · 3 years

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To Remember

Previous part: To Realize

Main Masterlist

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Stark!Reader

Summary: Natasha's been connecting all the dots about how she feels about you, it's up to her to how she'll handle the situation.

Warnings: none, let me know if there's any.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

You wake up alert and on your guard when you feel someone touching you, and manage to calm your nerves as soon as seeing the redhead and pair of green eyes looking at you. "God, I thought you were dead," Natasha says before sighing.

"Well, obviously, I am pretty much alive." You retort, yet the worry and concern didn't leave Natasha, and you notice the two of you shivering due to the temperature. Taking both her hands, you blow air on her skin attempting to make her feel better. "I think we should change our clothes, we're soaking wet." You comment, and she agrees.

"When you said it wasn't after us, what is that psycho after then?" You ask her as you stand up from where you were laying down, attempting to dust off the dirt that's already clinging to your clothes. "It's after this." She told before taking something inside the pocket of her hoodie, revealing a bunch of vials with something red.

"What is it?" You ask once more, Natasha shrugged and now showing you a photo of her probably around 10 or 11, she has blue-dyed hair and there's someone younger than her. You look at her and she seems taken aback, seeing her old photos.

"She's my little sister…" Nat didn't say anything more, you don't want to force any information about her at this time, you offer your hand yet hesitated before holding on to it. "Are you alright? I'm sorry I couldn't help, I barely felt my body after the explosion." You confessed.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked you to come along to get some gas." She apologized, you look at her with furrowed brows. "It's alright, it's not every day you get an RPG launching towards you while driving a car." You tried to joke about the situation, and you managed to make her smile a little.

"But, I could have gotten you killed." You roll your eyes, quickly placing her hand on your chest for her to feel your heart beating. "Well, I'm alive, save that for another day." You say, then Natasha stayed silent.

"Let's just go, we're going to Budapest." She says as she takes her hand back to herself, not holding your hand anymore, kinda hurt when the two of you walk back in the forest and into the caravan, not mentioning a word about the kiss that happened earlier.

Changing clothes, and managed to get all the necessities in a bag, then the two of you left the place as if no one stayed there recently. There's nothing but complete silence between the two of you, she occasionally asks if you're okay then there's nothing more, not even small talk.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

The two of you got off the train, the two of you didn't initiate a conversation during the whole trip, all she said was the two of you would be heading to the Budapest safe house. You tried to ask what she and Clint did here in the country. Her answer was short and simple. "I'm only removing my last defect on SHIELD," she said.

Now the two of you are outside the door, you have your handgun out while she tries to pick the lock, then a voice comes from inside. "I know you're out there." The female inside spoke. "I know you know I'm out here," Nat replied, then finally opened the door. "Whatever happens between me and Yelena, you don't do anything, alright?" She quickly says before heading inside.

The two of you have your guards up then Yelena speaks again. "Then why are you and your friend are skulking around like you're in a minefield?" Natasha chuckled sarcastically at the comment. "Because I don't know if I can trust you," Nat commented.

"Funny, I was going to say the same thing." Yelena finally revealed herself, a blonde female in her 20s, and she has a gun pointed at Natasha. The redhead looks at you signaling that it's time for you to back away, you place your gun back at your holster raising your hand where Yelena can see them.

"Didn't expect you'd bring a friend," Yelena says, her eyes never leaving Natasha's figure, then the two of them still have their guns pointed at one another. You decide it's best to leave the two alone, and you look around the flat, not touching anything and still careful while wandering around.

You started hearing dishes getting broken, somebody getting thrown on the ground, door, probably kitchen cabinet too. You trust Nat and decided to stick to your word that you won't do anything if something happens, maybe this is how they greet one another? You're not going to be surprised actually.

Then the noise died, you've decided to check both of them, and they were choking each other with a curtain, the place is absolutely trashed but none of them seems to be injured. Both of them turned red until Natasha called for a truce.

"You've grown up," Natasha says, Yelena stood up then looked at you as she replied to Nat. "No shit." Then the blonde heads into the kitchen and chugging vodka straight out of the bottle. "This is how you guys greet each other? Wouldn't say it's sweet, but you guys do your thing." You asked Nat.

Natasha shook her head. "Haven't seen her in like 20 years, trust issues, y'know?" You chuckle at her answer, then the two of you follow Yelena.

"You had to come to Budapest, huh?" Natasha says as she takes a drink in a shot glass, Yelena shot her a look before speaking. "I came here because I thought you wouldn't." Then her eyes trailed at the walls. "But since you're here, what bullet does that?" You and Nat look at the holes in the wall.

"Those are arrows." You answered Yelena, and she seemed to be content with it. "If you thought I wouldn't come here then why did you send me this?" Natasha says before placing the vials along with the picture on the table. "You brought it back here?" Yelena says with worry in her voice.

"Well, tell me what it is," Natasha commanded, then Yelena talks about it being a synthetic gas that has something to do with altering their mind. "In English, please?" Nat says with confusion on her face. "это противоядие от контроля над разумом (it's an antidote to mind control.)" Yelena spoke, causing you to chuckle.

Natasha looks at both of you before commenting. "Real mature." You furrow your brow with what Nat has said before defending yourself. "It was funny? Your sister has humor, Nat." You say now crossing both of your arms.

"Why don't you take it to your super scientist's friends, her dad?" Yelena asked while pointing at you. "We're actually on the run and we're federal fugitives as of the moment, sorry." You replied to Yelena, and you haven't noticed that Nat changed her shirt.

"Well, where's an Avenger when you need one?" Yelena spoke, and Nat glared at her sister, holding Natasha's arms when she walked towards Yelena. Stopping her from probably starting another fight, and she seems like she wouldn't so you let go of her.

"You could've gotten both of us killed." Natasha raised her voice, then you looked away trying to avoid the conversation. "What was I supposed to do? You're the only superhero person I know." Yelena spoke, and you felt bad for Yelena when Nat almost shouted at her sister.

"You know, I keep on checking the news about Captain America taking down the Red Room," Yelena says and Natasha looks at her surprised, you are confused since she and Clint already took down the Red Room, they always joke about Budapest. "What? Dreykov's dead, we almost blew up an entire building just to take him down." Nat spoke.

"Who's we?" Natasha rolled her eyes and answered. "Barton, we stayed here for 10 days before even leaving the country," Nat explained, yet Yelena isn't even convinced. "Then tell me exactly what happened, tell me the full details."

Natasha didn't speak as if she was holding something back, you were sitting down on a chair watching the tense scene between the two. "Did you check for Dreykov's body?" Yelena asked once again.

"There was no body left to check," Natasha answered, and Yelena scoffed as if Nat wasn't speaking the truth, then silence filled the room. Until the three of you heard footsteps outside, then Natasha pulled you to hide in safety.

Suddenly you and Nat heard the window crash and footsteps going in your direction. "You alright?" Nat asked, you just nodded trying to be silent, then Natasha's eyes went searching for Yelena.

Now she sees Yelena going across the room, turning some switch and causing a continuous explosion, then the three of you used the advantage of it and fleeing the building, you and Nat followed Yelena since she seems to be headed somewhere.

"Where are we supposed to go?" Natasha asked while the three of you were running for your lives. "East side of the building! Motorcycles!" Yelena answered, now the three of you managed to get on the roof. A lady is wearing a similar suit to what Nat would usually wear chasing all of you, seems like she's not hesitating to kill you all too.

Now there's nowhere to go other than jumping on the chimney and probably hoping for the best, you and Nat removed some piece of metal that connects the chimney to the roof, as soon as the both of you removed it. The three of you hopped on and held tight, suddenly the lady decided to join, yet she missed.

Natasha managed to hold the lady, trying to knife Nat's hands then she slipped from her grasp, causing the stranger to fall, the chimney now crashed on a building, you and Yelena fell and crashed in a window.

"Who are these people?" You ask Yelena, helping her to stand up, and two of you catch your breaths before heading to Natasha. "There are other Widows, trying to retrieve the vials and return it to Dreykov." You nodded with her explanation.

"Let's get to Natasha and free the widow chasing us," Yelena says, taking out one of the vials in her bag, then the two of you rushing down the stairs, and you wish that Natasha is safe, probably doesn't have a broken bone too.

"I believe you must be exposed to the gas then?" You ask her once again, Yelena looks at you. "Why do you think they're after me too?" She answered sarcastically. "Yeah, right… dumbass." You muttered to yourself, as soon as the two of you reached the ground floor.

The both of you kicked the door open, to see Natasha kneeling on the ground. "Do you believe me now?" Yelena asked, seeing the widow chasing the three of you lifeless on the ground, she slowly took back the vial in her bag. "How many are there?" Natasha asked, her back facing the both of you.

"Enough, let's go," Yelena says before heading to fetch her motorcycle, you don't usually feel this type of adrenaline in your body, considering the fact that your father would only allow you into in and out missions.

After lots of running and ducking to avoid getting shot by other widows, the three of you finally get to the motorcycle, of course, it's a two-person vehicle. "Which one is yours?" Natasha asked Yelena. "Black, brown seat." She quickly answered.

You heaved a sigh before taking the motorcycle next to it and hot-wiring it. "Looks like Stark isn't such a good girl, what do you think?" Yelena commented, before hopping on her motorcycle and letting Nat drive.

Once you've finally powered the vehicle, the three of you are being chased by an armored car. "Y/N! Follow us!" Nat shouted, of course, you're going to follow them. It's not like you'll survive having a psycho who copies your friends and being chased down by a trained assassin would do you any good.

Managing to lose the armored vehicle, there are other widows on the bike too, you're actually surprised of what they are capable of, it seems like Nat really must be one hell of an assassin.

Everything is going well until the three of you are welcomed by traffic, and suddenly a widow shoots the wheel of her motorcycle, while Natasha and Yelena crash into a car. You got out of your vehicle and followed the two, seeing Yelena pointing a gun at a man to make him get out of the car.

"You can't just steal a guy's car?" Natasha commented while Yelena got in the car first, then you're all panicking and shit, you followed Yelena inside and realized you sat down on her lap. "Well, Stark stole a bike earlier." She says while looking confused with you on her lap.

"I am panicking, it's my first time experiencing all this." You defended yourself, Natasha finally got inside and started to drive the car. "Y/N, are you alright?" Natasha asked, rolling your eyes by hearing that question for the nth time.

Suddenly you get dizzy, is it because you're probably panicking too much? Or the fact that all you've done the whole week was to run either from authorities or trained assassins. Your vision started to get all blurry, and you can't understand anything that Nat or Yelena was saying at the moment.

And you passed out due to the stress you've been feeling.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

You felt a sudden pain in your left arm and that woke you up, quickly sitting down you notice you're in a cramped and small space, is this the morgue? Are you dead? You placed a hand on your chest and released a relieved sigh when you felt your heart beating.

"It's been a year, Stark, you passed out while we're on the run," Yelena spoke, a hand on your shoulder trying to comfort. "What? No, that can't be-"

"Yelena, stop." As soon as you hear Natasha's voice, you feel safe, and you didn't notice that you were laying your head on her lap when you collapsed. "What happened?" You ask the two.

"Psycho comes back and shoots another RPG, hence why you're injured and we're hiding in this air vent." Nat simply explained and ran your hands on your hair. "How long was I out?" Asking once again. "Less than 10 minutes," Yelena answered. "I'm sorry…" you softly spoke.

"It's alright, it's normal that you reacted the way you did." Natasha comforts you, then to your surprise she takes your hand and intertwines your fingers with her. "I'm glad that the two of you are safe." You say as you hold on tight to Nat's hand.

"It still doesn't make sense, I killed Dreykov, dropped an entire building on him," Natasha spoke, Yelena looked at her before scoffing. "Truth doesn't really make sense when you only omit key details, what happened to Dreykov's daughter?"

"She was collateral damage, I had to take her down too," Natasha admitted. You felt the guilt in her when she admitted, then you suddenly remember how she and Clint would joke about Budapest.

"Wait… you and Clint joke about exploding a child?" You look at Natasha who's looking at the floor. "Sometimes using humor to cope helps, Y/N," Nat says, then you remember how much your father joked about what happened in New York, you think it's quite… valid?

"This is quite cozy for some air vent." You say trying to change the topic of the conversation, you moved your ass to sit down next to Nat, your head subconsciously resting on her shoulder. "Clint and I stayed up here for 2 days." She says, fiddling with your fingers and resting her head on top of yours.

"I'll see if we're good to go." Yelena says before opening the entrance of the vent, then she went back in the subway, now you and Nat are alone. "Are you ok–" Natasha was about to ask the same question she asked you for the whole day.

"Nat, no, I'm actually not, I'm fucking scared, and I feel like anytime Ross is going to be here or that Dreykov's special project is after us or the other widows." You let out, Natasha looks at you, then noticing that you just shed a tear, you are scared. Fearing that one of you get to be thrown in jail, or get killed because of some mind-controlled assassins.

"Y/N, you're doing great for someone whose first time being on the run, I know it's all hard to take in and if only we went our separate ways, you wouldn't have been dragged into this." She lets go of your hand, instead, she places her hand on your cheek once again, wiping the teardrop on your skin.

"If we've gone our separate ways I wouldn't last a day without you, I'm probably chilling with Wanda and Clint, I'm not saying they're not good company, but I don't want to be in jail." You say, and Natasha nodded. "I know what you mean, Y/N, I know…"

Then you notice the distance between the two of you, faces an inch apart, the two of you can feel each other's breath once again, and your eyes trailed down on her lips which Natasha noticed.

"That's also me saying I wouldn't last a day without you." You confessed, before resting your forehead against hers, Natasha was expecting you to kiss her, but being this close to you, she doesn't really mind, as long it's you she's doing it with.

Natasha stayed quiet, as she enjoyed the peacefulness of this moment, then she slightly pulled away from you to place a chaste kiss on your forehead, and she held both of your arms, wrapping them around her neck, now her arms made their way to your waist.

Burying her face at the crook of your neck while she holds you tight and close, you shut your eyes as the two of you embrace each other. While in the middle of the calm and serene moment, the lid of the air vent came off then. "We're good to go and we've got to be quick!" Then the two of you get off each other, if Nat gets to kiss you before you fall off the bridge, pretty sure you can kiss her before getting off the vent.

"Nat, wait…" You hold her arm since she's about to go down first, and she looks at you over her shoulders, you move closer to her before crashing your lips against hers, you softly bite her lower lip before slowly pulling away, and you see a smile on her face as she hopped down.

"Did you two just?" Yelena looks at Natasha, cringing with what her sister just did, Nat waits for you to get down before following Yelena. "Do we not talk about that too?" You ask Natasha before following her, and she looks at you with a smirk.

"Depends on what you want to talk about," Natasha replied, then you raised a brow at her response, you jogged leaving her behind and catching up with Yelena. "I will act like you didn't just kiss my sister a second ago so that we can communicate without me remembering that," Yelena says.

You chuckle, yet you smile at what she just said. "Is your sister usually annoying like that?" You ask Yelena while pointing your thumbs at Natasha, then the two of you look over your shoulders to see her.

"Ah, yes, I don't know what runs through her head," Yelena replied, while Natasha on the other hand, looks at the two of you not knowing what the hell you two were talking about.

Let's say that she's hoping and praying that Yelena doesn't say something about her in front of you.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

After staying in the vent and managing to run away from the Task Master, the three of you ended up in a convenience store in the middle of nowhere, you bought some alcohol, and bandages to properly care for your wound, and Yelena looked around the store for an alcoholic drink.

"Where is the Red Room?" Natasha asked while she's washing her hands on the sink, Yelena shrugged and shook her head. "I don't know, every widow is sedated at every entrance and exit for maximum security," Yelena replied, as she took a look at some bottled alcohol, then tossed it to you.

"Where do you think I was after all this time?" Yelena asked Natasha, the latter faced her younger sister, and she looked at her. "I thought you're living a normal life," Natasha answered, you take the items they took and head to the cashier to pay for them.

"And you never bothered to check on me?" Yelena says, Natasha followed you at the front, yet she didn't leave the store yet. "I thought you never wanted to see me." She told Yelena, and the latter rolled her eyes then scoffed.

"Just say you don't want your baby sister to tag along and save the world with the cool kids," Yelena says with a smirk on her face, and Natasha clenches her jaw. "You're not really my sister–"

"And the Avengers aren't really your family, well… except for Stark, she stayed with you after all this running," Yelena commented, and suddenly she changed the topic. "Why do you always do that thing?" And Nat looks at her with a questioning look.

"Oh, that thing!" You butted in, then you do the infamous Black Widow pose, Yelena nodded giving you a thumbs up for knowing what she means. "You're a poser, Natasha," Yelena commented, then Nat raised a brow. "I'm not a poser." The latter says.

"It's okay if you're a poser, it's just that you think that everybody is looking at you." Natasha retorted, and you chuckle at the bantering between the two. "All the time I spent on posing, I was doing something good, to make up for all the pain and suffering we've caused." The mood changes real quick, now you stay silent.

"Well, pain and suffering is every day and we'll always be the trained killer that we are," Yelena says, the guy at the cashier hands the plastic bag containing all the items you bought, and you leave the store first. Natasha followed after and taking the bag from your hands, you looked at her who seemed exhausted from all the events happening.

"Do you want something to eat or drink?" You nodded, Nat signs you to follow her, and after a little bit of walking, with Yelena behind the two of you, the three of you arrived in a small food place.

You sat down then Natasha went inside, ordering cheeseburgers only for you, and beers for all of you, she sat down next to you, while Yelena settled in front of you two.

"An older widow freed me, and I killed her," Yelena says as she takes a sip from her beer, Natasha unwrapped the cloth on your arm, and she tends your wound while listening to Yelena. "Did you have a choice?" You ask her, and she only shook her head as an answer. "Then it's not your fault," Natasha says.

Yelena's eyes shifted at the family going home across the place you three are drinking, she seemed to like the view of what seems to be a happy and functional family. "Have you ever looked for your parents, the real ones?" Natasha looked at the latter as soon as she finished putting a bandage on your wound.

"I got abandoned on the street like garbage, I don't think I have a reason to look for them," Natasha says then she takes a good sip at her drink before asking Yelena the same question. "Well, they ruined my birth certificate so I made a new one." She said with a smile, and Nat seemed to brighten up.

"It says that I still live in Ohio, I have an older sister who moved to the west and she works as a science teacher, but she started working part-time when she had her son, and she has a husband who is a construction work–" Natasha halted Yelena speaking when she chuckled at her story. "That's definitely not my story," Nat says, then Yelena leaned back on her seat.

"Yeah, what is your story?" Yelena asked, and without you knowing, Natasha looks at you while you're spacing out. "Well, I don't really have a story, I don't have much to think about it alone," Nat answered. "But if I'm pretty sure it involves another person, who's a Stark?" Yelena teased, and with the mention of your last name, you look at the latter.

"What about you? What is your story?" Yelena says, then you wipe your mouth with the tissue before speaking. "Well, I was created because of my father's one of many hookups, lived with my grieving mother while I was an infant and she's grieving cause Dad won't marry her, so she left me at his doorstep, we did DNA tests to prove that I was really his and now he loves me more than anything." You say, smiling at the memory of your father who did everything he could to raise you.

"Then why aren't you with him?" Yelena asked once more, you look at Nat for a bit before answering. "Because I chose to do what I think is right, and probably did follow my heart." The blonde chuckled, noticing that Natasha was blushing at what you've just said.

"I have a plan." Natasha suddenly spoke, you and Yelena looked at the redhead. "Is it killing Dreykov and taking down the Red Room?" Yelena told Nat, and she earned a nod from Nat. "Even if he's way too slippery to kill and Red Room's impossible to find?" She nodded once again.

"Sounds like a shit load of work," Yelena says, making you and Nat chuckle. "Yup," Nat replied and Yelena took another sip at her beer. "Could be fine though." You say as you take the final bite of your burger. "Yup,'' Yelena said.

"I saw where he put the keys," Natasha says as she looked at the car, that the man of the family parked in the garage, the three of you smiled before speaking in unison.

"Top drawer green cabinet."

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

Next Part: To Make Action

taglist: @snooy245 @madamevirgo @nightingalxx

#natasha romanoff x fem!stark!reader #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #black widow x reader #black widow #marvel universe #marvel cinematic universe #yelena belova #mcu #marvel mcu #tony stark #iron man #captain america #steve rogers #fem!stark!reader #fem!reader #fluff

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tomdutch · 3 years

Text

✎ flufftober 2021

hello, bubs! i decided to participate in flufftober this year with drabbles, which y’all can request using the prompts below from two lists (each one is linked). please don’t forget to send a maximum of three (3) numbers + the name of whoever you want it to be with. i’m writing for tom holland, peter parker and arvin russell !! if you have any questions, feel free to send me an ask <3

POSTED DRABBLES

❀ welcome home | tsh ❀

↳ prompt #4 | actor!tom + domestic au

❀ late night love | tsh ❀

↳ prompts #13, 17, 20 | dad!tom + domestic au

❀ closer to you | pbp ❀

↳ prompts #39 | college au + established couple

❀ what moonlight can do | ar ❀

↳ prompts #1 & 2 | established couple

❀ clouds | tsh ❀

↳ prompt #9 | actor!tom, childhood friends to lovers

❀ girls like you | tsh ❀

↳ prompts #39 & #44 | bartender!tom

❀ home to me | pbp ❀

↳ prompts #30 & #36 | post-college au

collection now completed <3

PROMPTS

kissing prompts list #1

#1. kissing your lover's knuckle before a dance

#2. during the dance's climax, you and your lover lock eyes, and your lips met

#3. place a kiss on your lover's nape after taking off their necklace

#4. kissing your lover in the shower, water running on your face

#5. your lover leans in for a kiss, but they just kiss you tenderly and pull back to see your reaction, only then to crash their lips against yours passionately

#6. alternatively, your lover places a small kiss on the corner of your mouth before their mouth lands on yours hungrily

#7. kissing your lover in a completely dark room, their hands in yours. no light will get in, it's only us here

#8. your lover kisses you goodbyes as usual, but when they start going towards the door, you run towards them and give them another deep kiss

#9. your first passionate kiss with a person. you touch your lips absently, feeling the phantom of your lover's lips

#10. your lover ate all the caramel tartlets, so you pushed them on the couch to jokingly kiss them, and god their lips are sweet

#11. kissing in the rain, where your hair is an entangled mess, but you both don't care. you have each other and that's enough (bonus point if it was during a thunderstorm and you cup your lover's face to make them look at you)

#12. imagine this you had covered your lover against the enemy's arrows while they were unconscious. your back is scarred and you tried to hide it from them. but then your lover discovered it and they go feral like "why did you do this, i am not worth it" and they proceed to land soft kissed on each of your scars.

small details for fictional kisses list

#13. whispering ''kiss me'' to your lover

#14. wrapping your arms around your lover's neck

#15. kisses that travel from your lover's nose to their lips

#16. breaking the kiss but instantly pressing your lips back together

#17. intertwining your fingers

#18. kisses that start out gentle but grows more passionate

#19. forehead against forehead

#20. running your fingers through your lover's hair

#21. unbuttoning your lover's shirt, pressed against the wall

#22. surprise kisses, in which your lover weren't prepared for it but responds immediately

#23. a kiss in which, ''we're late for work but let's be later''

#24. kisses shared under a waterfall

#25. pulling your lover closer by the waistband

#26. kissing under the stars

#27. messy kisses, destroying furniture trying to reach the bed

#28. a kiss that isn't meant to happen but it does anyway

#29. sliding your hands down your lover's chest

#30. grabbing your lover by the collar

#31. “if we get caught kissing we're dead but let's risk it”

#32. hand kisses

#33. caressing your lover's cheek

#34. an accidental kiss between two exes

#35. kisses in which, you've already said goodbye but can't help stealing another one

#36. this might be our last kiss ever so let's make it last

#37. kitchen counter make-outs

#38. jumping into your lover's arms

#39. stopping a kiss when it gets too heated

#40. a kiss on the cheek turns into a kiss on the lips

#41. trailing kisses from your lover's lips to their neck

#42. kisses that start of passionate but grows more delicate

#43. pulling away from a kiss to look at each other, then smiling as you dive in for another kiss

#44. wrapping your legs around your lover's body as they lift you

#45. a swirling reunion kiss

#46. “i've had a terrible day at work so just kiss me”

#47. a kiss that lasts longer than it should

#48. tending to your lover's wound, placing a kiss on top of their head, grateful they're still alive

#49. spinning your lover into a kiss on the dance floor

#50. kisses in which one says “i can't believe this is real, but i love you so much”

#tom holland smut #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom holland x reader #peter parker smut #peter parker fluff #peter parker angst #peter parker x reader #arvin russell smut #arvin russell fluff #arvin russell angst #arvin russell x reader

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afterglowisbliss · 3 years

Text

Cutting away the dread

Levi x Fem!Reader

This story contains: Mentions of death, rapid weight loss, mentions of sexual harassment (it is not over the top, but just in case I will put the warning here)

"Hey" you jump at the stern voice, nearly dropping your tea in the process. "It's been quite some time, Y/n. I almost couldn't recognise you with that long hair" the voice teased while flicking your long locks. That's right, you've been letting yourself go. The unkept hair and dark circles under your eyes were a dead giveaway that you weren't doing so good.

You're usually good at hiding your problems and emotions. It's the scouts way. The longer you practise, the more you master the skill of being numb.

"Hey Levi, it has been quite awhile, huh..." you responded in a soft tone. While the other scouts walked on eggshells around Levi, you were free to talk any way you wanted. He wouldn't even get angry. Annoyed at times if you crossed a line, but never angry. He almost never made any snide remarks towards you either. He had a soft spot for you. You were his weakness. Anyone who dared to hurt or mess with you would feel the wrath of THE Levi Ackerman. An example being when you and Levi were walking together to buy SOME tea when a man put his arm around your waist. "How much will it be, lovely lady" he snickered. You were visibly uncomfortable but before you could react Levi had already taken care of it. Knocked out cold on ground with wide eyes looking our direction from innocent bystanders. "It'll cost your life, you filthy shit" Levi hissed. He grabbed your hand and immediately took you back to HQ in fear someone else might try their luck.

While you weren't too sure why you were 'the chosen one' you never really questioned it. You just went along with his kindness and soft attitude towards you. Perhaps it was because he was aware you could dive deep into his soul and discover everything about him without even trying. Maybe that intimidated him. You were always one to read people like a book. He would often mock you calling you a stalker with how well you knew people without much information about their lives being shared. That's where you and Levi contrast. While he might not show it, he's caring, emotional and protective. However, despite that he is far from a people person. He doesn't read people the way you do.

It had been three months since it happened. The guilt still weighing over you as if a titan was sitting on you. You could still see his face. He was begging for your help and crying for his mom. His final moments being in the disgusting mouth of a titan and all you could do was run away.

Run away... Just like all of your problems...

Levi rests his hand on your shoulder. Despite his cold demeanor he was actually warm. Physically. You knew this due to all the times he's carried you away from danger, or when he would grab your hand when you would freak out. Or even when he would slightly move you out of his way with his hands on your shoulders. His body heat was comforting and you found yourself gravitating towards Levi when you were in a room together. This is also where you and Levi contrast. You are more warm hearted on the outside, yet your body temperature is almost abnormally cold all the time. Yet even with your icy hands on Levi's he never flinched. Almost as if both your temperatures balanced each others.

"Have you... Have you been feeling any better?" he was gentle approaching the subject. He took a seat across from you. This was when he first noticed your unkept appearance. You looked frighteningly skinnier. Cheeks that used to be full and puffy were much more hollow. He knew you were brokent in which return broke him.

You try look into his dark grey eyes attempting to answer his question. As you open your mouth you immediately close it again. Your lips started quivering and your eyes started to tear up. Embarrassed you look away, hair covering your face. Your start to aggressively squeez your left hand with your right as all the emotion starts to build up. You never cried in front of anyone, not even Levi. This time you simply couldn't keep it in anymore.

"Y/n... Look at me" he asserted. When you refused he took your chin between his thumb and index finger and brought your face level to his. He parted your hair out of your face and gently tucked it behind your ear. "Y/n, please look at me" he pleaded. He sounded desperate and wooful. He couldn't bare the sight of the people he cared about in pain. It was one of the only things that could completely soften Levi.

The desperation in his voice convinced you to look up at him. He is met with your beautiful yet sorrowful eyes. "I'm sorry, Levi" you sniffed followed by a deep breath in. "No. I haven't. Every attempt I make to be productive... Every attempt I make to go outside I think of him. He was so innocent. I promised. I promised I would keep him safe. I told him... I told him he was safe with me" you grieved. "I made a promise only to watch him die! I'm a shitty person, he begged me, Levi! HE BEGGED ME TO HELP HIM BECAUSE I PROMISED HIM THAT I WOULD, BUT INSTEAD I TURNED MY BACK ON HIM. AN INNOCENT CHILD" you wailed breaking down into tears grabbing onto Levi's shirt. He embraced you, pulling you closer to his chest as you sniffle and cry, wetting his shirt with your tears.

"You're not a shitty person, Y/n. You couldn't save him because if you did hundreds of others would've died in his place. I know it's hard to accept the death of someone you promised to keep safe, we have all been there, but you have to understand that letting someone go is a part of life. It's inevitable. Whether it was in that moment or 20 years from now, you would've had to have said goodbye eventually." he reassures. You stop crying for a moment to think about Levi's words. It's true what he said. We all eventually have to say goodbye to the ones we care about.

"Tell me, Y/n, did you directly promise him you would keep him safe?" he questioned. When you thought about that day, the answer was clear. "I-I told him I would try my best to keep him safe..." you mumbled. "So it's clear now. You did follow through with your promise. You tried your best to keep him safe. Now all that is left for us to do is to make sure he didn't die in vein." Levi added pulling you away from his chest to make eye contact with you once again.

You wipe the tears of your face and mod in agreement. There is no point grieving for the rest of your life over something you couldn't control. All that was left for you now was to make sure his death meant something.

"Levi..." your voice is haorse and strained from all the crying. "Can I ask you a favour?" you request followed by a confused Levi who isn't used to you asking for favours. "Can you please cut my hair?" you innocently ask and your cheeks start to heat up. Its an odd question to ask a Captain. "It's just that... My hair is getting too long for odm gear and I don't like to tie up my hair" you explain further hoping to persuade Levi into cutting your hair for you. "Go wet your hair for me" he commands while getting up from his seat to get the scissors. A slight smile creeps up onto your face. That's the first time that's happened in awhile.

You do as he says wetting your hair with lukewarm water. Once you're all done you look around for a comb to quickly get rid of any knots that might get in the way. "Don't worry I'll comb your hair for you" Levi assures and motions for you to sit down on the chair in from of him.

You sit with your legs crossed, hands fiddling with the gem of your shirt while Levi gently combs through your your hair. It reached just 2 inches away from your shoulder which to you, was quite long considering the length you usually keep it at.

Levi strokes your hair feeling for any missed knots. "How short would you like it?" he asks preparing the scissors in his hand. You take a moment to ponder on the question. How short would you like it?

"a pixie cut" you reply with confidence. It's a bold decision considering you've never tried it before.

"Are you sure? You've never-" "I'm sure" you cut him off. He sighs before commenting on your boldness, "Always one to try new things huh." You chuckle. He wasn't wrong.

Snip, snip, snip

You feel your hair fall first onto you, then onto the ground. You watch as the hair slightly moves with the wind sneaking in from the window that won't close properly. The whole scene feeling very calming and relaxing. The sound of scissors cutting hair was oddly satisfying.

Before you knew it he was done. He sets the pair of scissors down on the table behind him and rests his left hand on your shoulder. "what do you think?" he asks. You open your eyes to look right at a mirror hanging on the wall in front of you. Your eyes widen in shock. It actually looks nice.

"I think it suits you" Levi adds before walking to the other side of the room to get a broom. "Thank you, Levi" you say grabbing his forearm and pulling him into an embrace.

Levi isn't the biggest fan of physical affection but let it slide when it came to you. "Anytime, Y/n."

#levi #aot anime #levi attack on titan #levi ackerman oneshot #levi ackerman imagine #levi ackerman headcanons #levi ackerman #levi ackerman snk #aot fanfiction #levi aot #aot imagines #aot x y/n #levi x reader #snk oneshot #snk x reader #snk #snk levi

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rataltouille · 4 years

Text

GEOMETRY OF THE HOLY MOON (1 AM): A SHORT STORY

GENRE: surrealism, literary fiction.

POV & TENSE: this little space is not enough for how wild the form is so i talk about this later!!

SETTING: a small desi village, 1924-25.

TONE: dreamy, unsettling, melancholic.

THEMES: faith vs reality, how people perceive others and how they perceive themselves, grief dealt the wrong way.

AESTHETICS: the splash of water on a quiet night, thick clouds obscuring the sky, rippling the moon’s reflection on the water. the intensity of a garden in spring, the emptiness of a dying town, the suffocation from being singled out. hands grazing lightly but never fully held. a lingering sadness behind your laugh. believing in things you shouldn't believe in. putting faith on a starless sky.

STAGE: completed first draft, 4085 words.

LOGLINE: a young boy, surrounded by loss, claims to talk to god. the story follows him and his conversations with this god, all while his village spies on him as he weaves his way around the two most crucial and lonely years of his life.

LITERAL LOGLINE: on today’s news let’s talk about a small backward town that hates sad little boys who worship god, even though the place is lowkey a cult!!

CHARACTERS:

THE SUMMER BOY: he’s around thirteen, and he’s very emotionally attached to his past. he lost his family at a young age to an unstable force, so he spends his time talking to himself. he’s a quiet, demure and sweet person, always willing to help others. he’s outwardly oblivious and sees only the good in people to a point where he doesn't understand when they’re trying to do him wrong. but! considering how the story [like a lot of my others] has themes of perception vs reality, it needs to be said that he isn't all that innocent. he’s rather impulsive and rash, never afraid of hurting himself [and thus accidentally harming others].

A GOD: is he real? do we even know if he’s an actual god? a very elusive figure despite having a lot of screentime. he’s a surprisingly humanised character and arguably the one with the most empathy. he has a soft spot for the boy and the two have a deep bond which is not common for a human and a god to have. you don’t get insight to what the other gods are like, but they’re implied to exist. this story has a very messy and hazy view towards religion and godhood and their nature towards humanity, and this vague figure, a dreamlike character, is proof enough of that.

THE VILLAGE: okay so in general these people suck. the village consists of, well, the village, but they’re very fluid in the way they appear in the story? as in for the most part they appear as a collective, a unit. one character, the summer boy’s “friend”, is somewhat separate considering he’s a pretty important character. it’s very hard describing this unit of a character but essentially they’re the main antagonistic force and they hate the protagonist for seemingly no reason.

WHAT GOES DOWN:

sometime around this time, the boy chances upon meeting his “god”, this being who lives up in the clouds and whom he talks with often, except you don't know if this god is real or not. that’s one of the recurring themes of this story: what’s real and what isn’t. it’s :) a fun time :) for sure :)

essentially Things Happen And It Only Gets Weirder. i cannot even try describing what happens because it’s all very spoilery but let’s just say that this is a very sad story but not even in a “this makes me cry” manner, but rather in a “this is so fucked up wtf why”. the prose of this is very, very hazy and thick, in a manner that’s both smooth and suffocating. there’s also a lot of moon and water imagery which we love. i love the atmosphere + the setting—colonial india— as it’s a subtle but key element to the plot.

FORM:

OKAY YES be prepared for the true colours of how unhinged i am. i apologize for the form brainrot.

POV: so in this story i really said “what if it had all three of the main povs... jk jk... unless 😳😳” and then proceeded to use all three povs. you’re probably wondering, how did i do that? WHY did i do that? and my answer to that is: 🙂

the first-person pov: the summer boy narrates in first person. his pov takes up about 40% of the story, and this is where we unlock family backstory + how he feels about the various forces playing into his life. he’s an extremely unreliable narrator and he knows it; his narration oscillates between very naive and very self-aware, and this effect is pretty disconcerting. the summer boy is kind of a walking contradiction and we love that conflict.

the second-person pov: a god narrates in second person. his pov takes around 20% of the story, and his scenes all involve his conversations with the boy. his pov is extremely detached, and suspends belief because he seems awfully made up. there’s an edge to the prose in his narration, where you know that something's off, but you can’t exactly pinpoint what.

the third-person pov: the villagers narrate, either as a collective, or as an individual figure, in third person. they take up the other 40% of the story, and there are so many different people and differing opinions with this, and every time we read a third person excerpt it’s a different person, and this is mostly used to add onto the different ways in which the boy is perceived. this is also where the structural part of the form gets really wacky.

STRUCTURE: if my story isn't told in vignettes is it my story though /j. gothm is told in vignettes, each one between 50 to 500 words. the first and second person bits are normal-ish vignettes, with straightforward narration. the third person vignettes, on the other hand, are super assorted. we have a lot of epistolaric sections— there’s a letter, a folk song [which was found around the summer boy], and most of the conversation is told as just plain dialogue without tags. there’s also a phone call transcript, and finally some normal chunks of prose. what am i doing wtf.

also to add onto this the story is told non-linearly. 😀 the only thing that keeps me from going insane is the fact that there are chronological tags before most vignettes [also the manner in which they're tagged differs from pov to pov. for example a few of the third person conversations are marked just as “sunday” or “thursday”, while the summer boy’s narration is marked with the full date and year]

in all this clownery i completely forgot to mention what the tense was [the way everything else was so complicated that i forgot tense was a thing lmao] and good news!! it’s the only sane thing about this story!! it’s told fully in present tense. thank everything.

AN EXCERPT:

okay i’m once again not sharing much because this will be submitted to litmags 🧞

[The boy is scrawny as always. He carries an air of diswant— even death had rejected him when the plague killed only his grandmother— but walks like he doesn’t notice. He smiles at them, jitters, and wipes his hand across his knees. Blood comes away in thin, translucent lines. He saves it on the kerchief he keeps tucked in his shirt, careful to dirty the cloth even more. The villagers scrunch their noses in disgust; who knew how old and rotten the kerchief was, or how long it had carried blood like the unwashed sword of a warrior?]

also by the way this excerpt is in square brackets because it is a third-person interjection in a vignette that is otherwise first-person [at this point...]

SPARE THOUGHTS:

this was inspired by a conversation i had with my grandfather, where he was telling me about how people used to sing songs to the skies, as a way of devotion to a specific god. he used the [loose translation of] the english word “yearning” to refer to the emotion the singers would invoke, and that sparked the concept of a disillusioned young boy who talks to the moon as a way to please the god he’s in love with. it’s a very softly disconcerting story and once again deals with the theme of “perception vs reality” which if you know me and my work, is the theme i’m forever obsessed with.

i really like how this turned out? the atmosphere is exactly how i wanted it to be, and there’s so much i have to add on as i edit and i’m really looking forward to that. this is also the only short story i’ve written where i knew which litmag i’d love for it to be published in? like i never write things with publishing in mind, but for some reason while writing this story it occurred to me that it would be a perfect fit for this specific magazine and i love that. anyway if you’ve made it through the post till here,,,, bless you and your braincells. and that’s all for today!!

#am writing #writeblr #wtwcommunity #atlastracking #ofcolourtracking #crabappletracking #tw death #tw plague #tw blood #the way this post gets increasingly incomprehensible...#love how my blog has just descended into pure chaos post-hiatus #geometry of the holy moon (1 am)#god complex #god complex intro

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

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OK I GOT 5 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT WHICH IS PRETTY OK IG (I did stay up to read the fic-) BOTH MY TESTS WENT LIKE SHIT, I HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK IN PROGRAMMING CLASS BECAUSE BY TEACHER IS A LITTLE SHIT WHO KEPT ON YELLING AT ME WHEN I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING AND I SPENT LUNCH ALONE BUT AT LEAST NOW IM ALONE WITH MY LAPTOP SO YAYAYAYYA

first of all, this chapter right here is my comfort chapter from now on. i said what i said. I will be rereading it again and again just because i can. it was PERFECTION

here's me going crazy at 2 am yesterday.

MAGNUS' CHAPTER

LET'S GO LET'S GO LET'S GO

AHHHHHHH IT'S THEIR ANNIVERSARY

SCREAM

alec shaved his beard because it made him look older

RAFAEL WAS SO UPSET AFTER THE MEXICO ATTACK BECAUSE OF ANJALI RIGHT??

magnus and alec are the oblivious parents istg

“Are you decent?” Max yelled. “I don’t want to be traumatized again.”

“Hey! We agreed not to talk about that!” Alec yelled back.

Im not even surprised at this point

“Happy anniversary, bapa!” Rafael kissed him on the cheek and handed him the flowers.

“Where are my flowers?” Alec asked.

Rafael plucked a rose from the bouquet and threw it at Alec. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, son,” Alec mumbled.

IM WHEEZING

DAVID BAKES

“David made it,” Max said shyly. "

Oh,” Alec replied and then shrugged. “Well, the icing could be a little sweeter I think.”

Ever since Max started dating, Alec had become incredibly protective. Alec liked David of course – it was impossible to find someone who didn’t. But that didn’t mean Alec approved.

And it didn’t help that the blond boy was absolutely terrified of Alec.

ALEC STOP TEASING HIM

THE BOY IS ALREADY SCARED

“I don’t know,” Alec analysed the card. “David used too much glitter.”

“Since when do you have a problem with excessive glitter?” Max demanded.

ALEC

“I didn’t use him!” Max huffed. “He was thoroughly compensated for his efforts!”

“Compensated how?” Alec asked.

“Uh,” Max said. “With donuts.”

when i saw donuts i immediately thought of rose and luisa from jtv

iykyk

but should i continue the show? i got tired of jane continuously embarrasing herself

“You expect us to follow rules?” Alec asked in surprise. “In our own home? On our anniversary?”

The warlock boy grinned wickedly before leaning close to Alec.

“You better do it, or I will tell everyone about your secret,” Max whispered.

Alec blinked at that.

the secret...

I DONT LIKE HOW MANY THINGS POPPED INTO MY HEAD

is highschool musical that bad? i havent watched it. should i?

what if i cried

i just wanna hug alec??? but i cant say it'll be ok because it wont

“Is that why you are not attending?” Magnus grinned at his friend. “Or is it because you are terrified of Georgia?”

“That child is the reincarnation of Christopher Lightwood!” Ragnor complained. “I heard she made explosives out of demon ichor! Who makes explosions out of demon ichor?”

RAGNOR IS PROBABLY GETTING FLASHBACKS

THESE STUPID FUCKING BITCHES

how tf do you think we have survived huh??

medicine that's how

vaccines, anti biotics and what not

stop being close-minded and fucking do it

ok i know the risk is great

BUT OTHERWISE THEY ALL DIE

it was different for warlocks. The Shadow World was their universe. The nephilim kept it safe. At one point in their lives, they had learned to coexist with them, out of necessity and out of obligation.

And now here they were – working together in the name of friendship and love.

how things change...

what

say what

the causes are what

ok let's not jump to conclusions

im fucking crying wtf

alec doesnt deserve this shit

all he's done is make the world a better place

hes worked so hard on this

RAZIEL CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF

what am i supposed to say to my parents if one of them comes to check on me and im sitting here crying at 2 am

He didn’t want to believe in a reality that would punish Alec. Alec who only wanted to do what is good and right.

Alec was who was losing his hope and strength every passing day. Alec who was struggling. Alec who was turning to desperate measures to cope with all the stress.

please alec

no please

THE ANGELS ARE BITCHES

Because if Magnus found out Raziel was the one causing all this pain for Alec, he would march up to heaven and set the bastard on fire himself.

AND I'LL GO WITH HIM

KNEW THE SPY WAS LIVVY

AWW RAGNOR LIKES SELENA THATS SO SWEET

blue and gold

STOP IT IM CRYING AGAIN

The shadowhunter was a good influence on him. Magnus hoped Alec would see it sooner rather than later.

HUH

HUHU

HUH

omg

GIGI GETTING A SIBLING

“Max isn’t allowed to do a lot of things,” Magnus chuckled. “But he does them anyway.”

thats my boi

GASP

]THE NECKLACE

rafael is growing into the consul voice

they grow up so fast

nope nope he's still the little 5 year old

voice cracking what do you mean he's 20

im glad hes happy with mila. or is he...?

Magnus had deduced as much. Alec lived in his beautifully oblivious world. But Magnus noticed.

He noticed the hickeys. He noticed the late-night visits. He noticed the tense phone calls.

well thank god there's at least one non-oblivious person (alec i love you so much but you are very very oblivious)

“What’s stopping you then?” Magnus asked.

"2554 miles,” Rafael chuckled sadly.

me with all my online friends

probably more miles

Magnus tried to do the math but promptly gave up.

But Alec did lie though. Magnus pushed the thought away.

NOT NOW

LET ME LIVE IN PEACEFUL OBLIVION

HUSH

“Except melt it?” Rafael chuckled.

“Yes,” Magnus chuckled back. “As you can see, the bar is extremely low in the Lightwood family.”

AHHIUCCDSKUHDCV

i have no clue what the words describing the outfit are

time to google

OK PRETTY

Fifteen years. Fifteen years of loving and Alec still made his heart stutter.

dont do this to me right now I WILL CRY

“What the hell?” Max exclaimed. “Why are you all dressed up?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, it’s my anniversary,” Alec chuckled.

Max-

Fifteen years. Fifteen years and Magnus still took Alec’s breath away.

HJCSDHJBJDHSGCDYGJVVC JHVDFYMJ

it's not funny MY EYES ARE WATERING

“Bapak is a good looking one in the family,” Rafael pointed out. “You are the chaotic one and I am the smart one.”

“What am I then?” Alec asked dryly. “A sack of potatoes?”

“You’re the sexy one,” Magnus grinned. “A sexy sack of potatoes.”

yes.

Alec grinned back and leaned forward. Magnus put his hands around Alec’s neck and kissed him. He kissed Alec with all the love he had inside his heart.

Just like the first time. Just like the hundredth time. Just like the thousandth time.

Because with Alec, every kiss mattered. Every single one.

muffled sob

“Stop making out, oh my god!” Max groaned.

Magnus sensed a pillow coming their way but Rafael caught it before it hit them.

“Max, stop!” Rafael scolded. “You will wrinkle dad’s suit and ruin bapak’s hair! I spent hours ironing both!”

why is max me when i see people display affection in front of me

ALSO RAFAEL HKUIUIDCSKIHUDFVHJDFVHU

“They are here,” Rafael said. “You two better look exactly the way you did when I left with Max or I will raise hell.”

IM SCREAMING

Selena was wearing a blue crop top with the words “MIND YOUR OWN UTEREUS” written in gold.

i need that top

DAVID'S SHIRT IS THE COLOR OF MAX'S MAGIC

AHH ISABELLE DOESNT KNOW SHE'S PREGNANT YET

The argument of “who gave the best gift” had started when Jace and Izzy had gotten drunk on vodka. It didn’t help that Alec had gotten drunk as well. All three Lightwood siblings had then proceeded to have an argument about who had the best spouse. The whole night had been drunken chaos. Magnus, Clary and Simon had let them have it since the Lightwood siblings had a tendency to carry the world on their shoulders even when nobody asked them. They rarely ever let loose ever since their worlds had plunged into sickness and demon attacks. Especially Alec. So, Magnus had let his husband be that 18-year-old boy again. The boy who got drunk and fought with his siblings and sang songs about Magnus’ pretty eyes.

OH MY GOD THE CHAOS

Georgia considered that. “I’m not allowed to melt it, right?”

“No,” they all replied in chorus.

LET GIGI MELT IT

SELENA IM SO PROUD OF YOU

“Dad,” Max said. “Can you keep a picture of me wearing this necklace in your office?”

“Why?” Rafael asked.

“I think it will piss off the boomers,” Max giggled.

“Nice!” Lexi grinned. “A downworlder wearing a shadowhunter heirloom? They will lose their heads. Uncle Alec, you must do it.”

“I will do you one better. I will hang a tapestry,” Alec chuckled.

YASSS I CANT WAIT FOR THE SHADOWHUNTERS TO BE PISSED

AWW THEY DIDNT KNOW THE NECKLACE USED TO BELONG TO MAGNUS

he actually gave to camille first-

Why couldn’t this boy just cause chaos during his travel year like the rest of them? Why did he actually study and do his research as recommended?

why would you NOT study and research during your travel year????

oh shit

well well well

david bby stfu

i love you but pls stop speaking for all our sakes

“Holy shit,” Max said. “It is expensive then!”

“Don’t pawn the ruby!” Rafael warned.

MAX NO-

OH THE STONE COMES FROM EDOM

oh no

pls dont fight

oh so i was wrong about magus confronting him from that snippet

all you need to know is im sobbing right now and grammarly is the only thing making this coherent

dont mind me just

NO I FORGOT ABOUT MAX AND DAVID

GET BACK IN THE ROOM YOU IDIOTS

don't do this to me at 3 am

OK THE DILF PART

thank you for adding light into my life again

(me while editing this: today really isn't my day huh? i just slipped in rainwater outside my balcony because I heard rain and ran there. now my knee and back hurt and I think I sprained (?) my toe-

ANYWAY

wait im gonna go check out the rain and then continue editing this

ok i got bored of the rain)

that made me laugh through my tears

“Objectively good looking?” Jace snorted. “Excuse you, but my parabatai is smoking hot! He is a freaking prize, okay? If we had a magazine for hot shadowhunters, you would be on the cover page. Every single issue.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Alec interrupted. “Magnus, are you happy? Now all my friends have told me I am pretty.”

“I said smoking hot,” Jace corrected.

“We are not being biased,” Clary pointed out. “It is the general consensus, Alec.”

“It’s true,” Lexi said. “So many people have asked me for your number, Uncle Alec. And I would have given it to them if I wasn’t worried about being turned into a marshmallow.”

LEXI DUHDUGHUDFCUHKVDFUIKFDU

“Dad, I don’t know why you are so worried,” Max said in a bored tone. “You’re a told DILF.”

David choked on his champagne and Jace patted him on the back.

“What the hell is a DILF?” Alec demanded.

“Oh, I know this one!” Jace said excitedly. “It means Dashing and Irresistible Looking Father. Max is right, you are a total DILF.”

“Mr. Herondale-” David raised a hand.

“I heard one of the shadowhunters in their travel year calling me a DILF too,” Jace said proudly.

THAT IS NOT WHAT DILF MEANS OH MY GOD

“It’s not a rumour,” Selena spoke up and passed her phone. “There is a group chat at Scholomance just to thirst after you.”

add me to it

ALL THE COMMENTS I CANT BREATHE

“Alec Lightwood can run me over with a Maserati and I would thank him.”

“Give me that,” Izzy grabbed the phone and started giggling. “Petition for Consul Alec Lightwood-Bane to stab me with his mortal sword.”

“Isabelle!” Alec hissed, cheeks flaming. “Stop it!”

“I want one!” Jace grabbed the phone now. “By the Angel!”

“Read it!” the kids yelled in chorus.

“I would gladly let Consul Lightwood-Bane inspect my mortal instruments,” Jace chuckled and threw the phone at David.

David shook his head vehemently and threw it at Max.

“My body is just a hole for Alec Lightwood,” Max read out loud and started laughing so hard that he fell off his chair.

Lexi grabbed the phone and giggled. “I want the Consul to strip off my runes among other things.”

She passed the phone to Gigi, who looked at the phone and look at Alec.

“Uncle Alec,” the girl said. “This person wants you to crush them with your massive archer arms.”

“Give me that,” Rafael grabbed it now. “Aw, this one is a classic, dad. Alec Lightwood turned me gay.”

He threw the phone at Simon, who stared the screen and looked up. “Uh, I don’t think I can read this one out loud in front of the kids.

“Is this the one about the basement?” Selena chuckled and Simon nodded.

WHAT'S THE BASEMENT ONe

TELL ME

AWW GIGI AND LEXI PUTTING MAKEUP ON DAVID AND MAX RECORDING IT

google translator time

oooo Rafael's gonna talk with Mila

Magnus you're such a good father

seriously

“Sometimes things are just sad. So, you need to let yourself be sad.”

YES

SAY IT LOUDER

THEY ARE UNDER THE BED

AHHH MAX AND DAVID

DAVID CALLED HIM MY ANGEL IN FRENCH

Alec and Magnus hiding under the bed and spying on them is just-

Jace had tried to give Max the shovel talk and had gotten a little too emotional.

of course, he did smh I love him so much

“David doesn’t need a shovel talk,” Alec smiled. “He knows what would happen to him if he hurts my son.”

David gulped. “You will throw me into the silent city?”

“I will ask me husband to portal you to hell,” Alec said – Consul Voice. “We have relatives there.”

the beloved relatives yes

“Goodnight,” Jace gave them a salute. “Have fun inspecting Magnus’ mortal instruments.”

JACE

OH SO THE QUESTION WAS ABOUT SMOKING

damn it

oh my god guys he said he'll stop smoking

just lemme have this moment

my boy's lungs will be intact

HIS LUNGS WILL BE OK

“I can’t wait to see all the messages on the chat after that,” Magnus giggled.

Alec looked up. “I’m more than a tall glass of water, Magnus!”

SCREAMING

In his dream, he saw them again. But they weren’t smiling this time.

what

wait

THE PROPHETIC DREAMS

nope nope nope

Nah I don't know what you're talking about

haha

damn, I think I really hurt my back...

OK BUT THE IMMORTALITY ANGST???? WAS SO SO GOOD???? I know it makes me cry but is it bad that I'm always so excited for angst written by you because of HOW GOOD it is????

"When I die I will love you from my grave" I NEED THIS ON MY FOREHEAD OH MY GOD I LOVE THESE TWO SO SO MUCH

alright I need to get something for my back and my knee (I'm home alone so this will be fun)

OK, I THINK THE NEXT CHP WILL BE ANJALI'S POV I JUST FEEL IT!!! I miss my girl so much I hope she's doing ok. Jaime too...

I'm rereading all of these chapters after chapter 10 because why not. Bye!!

OKAY I AM GLAD YOU LIKED IT BUT I AM ALSO DEEPLY WORRIED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.

I hope your knee and back feels better soon!

also fuck that teacher yelling something doesn't make people understand it any better ugh dumb piece of shit anyway screw that person.

I hope you get some good rest and recovery from this rollercoaster of a day.

Take care!

#lbaf

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