#the power of a gay man and the color lavender

[imgonnagetkilledbynutstink]

Jonathan Bailey and the color lavender

[jbaileyfansite]

The finale of Fellow Travelersis now streaming, ahead of its Sunday night airing on Showtime—a conclusion to one of the year’s best series that is gorgeous, devastating, and cathartic in equal measure.

The story of a tortured-yet-beautiful romance between two men over decades, the show waltzed through those emotions throughout the entire season, as Matt Bomer’s Hawk and Jonathan Bailey’s Tim weather the historical circumstances that prevented their deserved happily ever after. Bomer’s nuanced performance as an infatuated, conflicted man is the best work of his career, and, in the emotion-packed finale, Bailey is a revelation. Across multiple timelines, he showcases how intertwined grit, defiance, and joy in spite of darkness are for gay men determined to make their lives mean something in a world that actively works to strip them of dignity.

The series spans Hawk and Tim’s meet-cute during the Lavender Scare and McCarthyism-led panic of the 1950s through the AIDS crisis of the 1980s. The final scene, set at the unveiling of the AIDS Memorial Quilt at the National Mall in D.C. that might as well have been an anvil plummeting straight onto my heart, it shattered me so much.

There are two images in the final episode that have seared into my brain since I first watched, tableaus charting the arc of a doomed, yet life-changing relationship. First is Hawk and Tim slow dancing naked in the privacy of a secret apartment and, later, Tim’s head nestled on Hawk’s chest as they take a post-coital nap—moments of bliss stolen in a society that won’t allow them that pleasure. Then there’s a mirror of that position decades later, when Hawk climbs into Tim’s hospital bed to cradle him, as Tim struggles through a rough night during his last days battling AIDS.

The power of those moments is amplified by Bailey’s performance. In the earlier timeline, his wide, giddy eyes betray a man fully aware of his good fortune to be so madly in love, cognizant of how precarious and fleeting the feeling could be and determined to live in the splendor of it. Later, as he faces death, his resignation to fate is not one of defeat, but a catalyst for clarity.

So much of his life was impacted—some might say ruined—by his inability to move on from his connection to Hawk. But in a sensational monologue delivered after Hawk questions how much pain he’s caused Tim, Tim corrects the narrative: “I spent most of my life waiting for God to love me. And then I realized the only thing that matters is that I loved God. It’s the same with you. I’ve never loved anyone but you. You were my great, consuming love. Most people don’t get one of those. I do. I have no regrets.”

Bailey’s performance of this monologue stunned me. It is spoken with such certainty, an outpouring of a lifetime of emotion funneled into a searing, pointed declaration. He’s speaking to not only a complicated romance with his lover, but also on behalf of generations of gay men whose great loves were colored and, it often seemed, marred by the misfortune of the times in which they were kindled. That’s the revelation that Tim, through Bailey’s delivery, speaks to: There’s no misfortune when it comes to love; we may now be aware of the hideousness with which society treated (and still treats) the gay community, but how dare we assume that the love found was any kind of misfortune.

I’ll be thinking about this episode, that monologue, and Bailey’s performance for a long time. Do yourself a favor and watch it.

Source

[rainbowxocs]

TW: Alex has allot of dark theming in his story, including most of the types of abuse, and addictions. Be careful when reading through.

With notes, from me.

Name: Alexander Dawn Leverett.

Special Titles: Former President of New America, President Alexander, Peacemaker, Our Savior, Alex-Computer, alexluvsu, Detective Violet.

I have gone through allot of titles over the years.. I prefer just to be called Alex though..

Nicknames: Alex, Mr.President, Ray of Sunshine, King Alexander, My Lord.

Age: 22. I don’t feel 22..

Pronouns: He/Ribbit.

Sexuality: Asexual, Gay.

Gender: Trans Man, Frobloomgender, Glitch404Gender

Species: Hybrid (Half Human, Half AI.) I am a science experiment essentially..

Disorders: CPTSD, Body Dysmorphia, Hypersexuality, Depression, Autism, Insomnia, Afrid, Suicide Ideation, Morality OCD, Paranoid Schizophrenia, BPD, Maladaptive Daydreamer. Haha.. I’m a little bit broken..

Autism Information: Semiverbal. I can talk, but I like to use other methods instead to communicate..

Physical Conditions: Low Mobility, Synesthesia, Migraines, Chronic Pain, Ambulatory Wheelchair/Crutches User, Hard of Hearing, Partially Blind. ^ See above, broken.

Active Addictions: Joy, Self Harm, Sex, Alchohol, Weed, Cocaine, Nicotine (Cigarettes), Meth, Heroin, LSD, Mushrooms, Ecstasy.

One day they won’t be active.. today is not that day though..

Religion: Atheist. I don’t really believe in the power of magic or the gods anymore. At the end of the day I had to save myself.

Job: None, Currently. I would love to be an artist, or a florist one day.. Maybe a teacher or a scientist..

Major: In college, no major. The facility has a program for education.. so I’m taking some basic classes to figure out what I would like to major in.

Lives in: West Virginia, New America, 3025. …..

Languages: English, Ada, French, BASL + Most Languages.

Height: 5’3” …I wish I was taller…

Race: Black.

Ethnicity: African American, A.I.

Accent: British American, Proper. People often tease me for my accent.. I guess it’s because Britain hasn’t taken over America again yet.. so a British accent is a little odd.

Powers: Super Regeneration, Super Speed, Super Strength, Super Intelligence, Laser Eyes, Scanning, Using the Interweb, Manipulating Technology, Electricity, Healing, Water Breathing, Nanomachines, Overwhelming Competence.

Alignment: Lawful Good. I haven’t been lawful good lately…

Text Color: Purple When Happy. Red when Sad/Angry etc.

Main Animal: Frogs, Kangaroos. :)

Other Animals: Bees, Cockroaches, Seals, Lightning Bugs. :)

Main Hobbies: Art, Gardening, Husbandry, Singing, Science, Robotics.

Diet: Can for the most part only eat purple food, Eats things whole, like bones, wrappers, rinds.

People find what I eat weird..

Favorite Drinks: Lemonade, Butterfly Tea, Taro Boba, Hot Chocolate.

Favorite Fruit/Veg: Ube, Grapes, Plums, Watermelon.

Favorite Meals: Scrambled Eggs, Pancakes, Waffles, Pizza, Chicken Noodle Soup, Friendship Bread, Ramen, Sago Soup, Popcorn, Chicken Nuggets.

Favorite Sweets: Frog Gummies, Fruit Snacks, Chocolate, Poprocks, Purple Gummy Bears, Kohakutou.

Favorite Desserts: Brownies, Ube Icecream, Moon Cakes, Taro Cookies.

Favorite Flower: Violets, Lavender, Wisteria, Dandelions, Lilacs, Sunflowers. :)

Scent: Lavender, The Ocean, Pineapple. Most people say I smell tropical.

Birthday: September 8th 3003. (Virgo)

Theme:

Playlist:

Fun Facts: Owns several kangaroos, His favorite frog is a Pig nosed frog. has collected every single Pokémon including every shiny Pokémon. :)

Special Interests: Frogs, Nature, Disney, Winnie the Pooh, Pokemon, Stardew Valley, Biology. :D

Comfort Objects: (Fluffernutter) Purple Kangaroo Plush, His Computer, His Furby, Rabbit Plush, His Plants, Seal Plushie, Purple Teddy Bear, Purple Frog Plush. :D

Stims: Keyboards, Drawing, Knocking on things, Echololia, Playing with Coins, Gemstones, Hand flapping, Bouncing, Computer stims, Ribbiting, Slimes, Squishes, Kinetic Sand, Bee Dancing, Sensory Jars.

Stimboard: LINK

Moodboard: LINK

Fashionboard: LINK

MY POKÉMON TEAM!!!:

ALEX’S HAPPY THINGS!!!:

Purple.

The Sun, Rainbows, Rain.

My computer.

Frogs, Cockroaches, Kangaroos, Bees, Seals, Sea Urchins, Lightning Bugs.

The Ocean.

Disney, Winnie the Pooh.

Flowers, Plants, Succulents.

Art.

Pride! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

Animal Crossing.

Stardew Valley.

Pokémon.

Isabelle.

Stuffed Animals.

Splatoon.

Robot Pets.

Tangled.

Disney Princesses.

Music Boxes.

Minecraft.

Endermen.

Genshin Impact.

Family:

Stefan Jackson, Tara Jackson (Grandparents, Mothers side). …….

Todd Leverett, Irma Leverett (Grandparents, “Fathers” Side.) Grandpa was nice.. he was the only one who liked me…

Maria Leverett, Stellan Leverett. (Parents.) ……

Jordan Leverett (“Father”) …….

Johnathan Carter (Adoptive Father.) :) Daddy.

Nova Star (Godfather.) :)

Johnathan.Jr Carter (Adoptive Brother.) :) Little Brother.

Michael Ansley. (Adoptive Brother.) :)

Immanuel Ansley. (Adoptive Sibling.) :)!! Immanuel!!

Samuel Coleman, Micah Coleman. (Adoptive Uncles.) (Strained) ……..

Friends: Joan. I only have a few friends at the moment haha.

Romance: Aven Starclimber (Crush). :)

Pets: :D

Spike (Service Wolf)

Steven (Green Tree Frog.)

Jacob (PacMan Frog)

Satan (Purple Indian Frog)

CAPSLOCK (Desert Rain Frog)

Pumpkin Pie (Pumpkin Frog)

Gumball (Glass Frog)

Brief Personality: Alexander is many things to many people, A savior, a new hope, a villain, a murderer. However in reality he's just a scared kid. He's truly trying to better himself however keeps hitting bumps in the road. He once was a pacifist, however he can't say that about himself now. All he wants is peace and quiet, and maybe a few friends who will listen to him.

Brief Backstory:

Alexander was created as an experiment, the perfect child, a doll, for his mother Maria. The things that Alex went through as a child were nothing short of horrific. Alex was never allowed to go outside, due to his appearance as a child. However when he grew human skin he looked exactly like his mother, a complete carbon copy.

However this didn’t stop the abuse he suffered. Maria seemed to hate everything about Alex, he wasn’t perfect enough, he wasn’t human enough. Even his father neglected him, and Maria’s husband hated him because he knew that he wasn’t his.

Alex remembers every second of it, being born, every bruise, every scar, every insult, every friend of his mother that lingered on his body. But he wanted to be perfect for her. He just wanted to make everyone happy.

He was nine when the war started. At first he was kept in his mother’s care, however when he turned ten his mother handed him over to Salendine Industries. They wanted to see if they could turn Alexander into a superweapon. Using his nano machines as almost like a pulse wave in order to destroy the Rogue A.I.. but first they needed to kill the human side of Alex..

Four years of experimentation later and there was very little progress.. However they decided to test Alex’s skills on an old computer they found, monitoring whether or not he can follow commands. However Alex kept messing up, getting reprogrammed, and then rinse and repeat.

One day, Salendine messed up and caused Alex to faint with one of their reprogramming strategies. Which finally caused Maria to send over the authority to get rid of Salendine. As in the four years they had had the weapon they hadn’t trained it in any capacity.

The Authority takes over Alex’s reprogramming before he escaped, for the first time he was free and away from anyone.

Alex after escaping, became the savior of the apocalypse. Becoming the leader of New America, sacrificing himself, giving up absolutely everything and anything to make people happy. But it still wasn’t enough.

It didn’t matter how hard he sacrificed, he felt the blood on his hands get thicker. He’s seen the light now, and he realizes that maybe he doesn’t need to be anyone’s savior.

Maybe he’s just a kid.

[pridepages]

Safe Spaces: Lavender House

I just finished Lavender House by Lev AC Rosen. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers!

Move over, Benoit Blanc! It’s been a banner year for queer detectives and while Rian Johnson has given us an icon for the silver screen, Lev AC Rosen has created one for the page in Evander “Andy” Mills, openly gay private eye and narrator of Lavender House. But while the Blanc mysteries are largely the fun kind of lampooning of our privileged and bigoted populations, Lavender House is more somber in tone and more reflective about the place of queer people in the United States.

Set in the 1950s, Lavender House introduces the reader to Andy Mills in the worst period of his life. Mills knows he’s gay, and has struggled through life hiding it first as a soldier and then as a police officer. In an era where gay people’s existences were explicitly criminalized, Mills has spent his career deftly sneaking around in underground gay bars and clubs to avoid detection. But one day, his luck runs out: forcibly outed in a raid, Mills knows life as he once knew it is over and he is officially and forever an outcast. He contemplates ending his life, but before he can he’s offered an unusual job...to find out the truth behind the sudden and mysterious death of the matriarch behind the famous Lamontaine soap empire. Escorted to the private home compound called, affectionately, ‘Lavender House,’ Mills meets an unusual family and must determine if any of them is a murderer.

The twist, naturally, is that every inhabitant of Lavender House is queer (hence the name, for people who know their history: lavender was a color code associated with gay culture). Victim Irene lived romantically with her ‘secretary’ (wife) Pearl. Irene had a son from a first marriage, called Henry, who is legally Married to Margo. However, Henry is truly partnered with his ‘secretary,’ Cliff, and Margo is partnered with her ‘friend,’ the notorious club owner, Elsie. Even the three staff members--two women who are partnered and one man who recognized Andy from the clubs--are also gay. In fact, the reason Mills is hired by Pearl is because he is pointed out to her as having been fired as a cop for being gay. In this private, moneyed estate, all of them can close the gates to shut out the eyes and the threats of the outside world. In Lavender House, they live as they choose. So Andy Mills discovers something in Lavender House he could only have dreamed about: a safe space.

The term ‘safe spaces’ has become a double-edged sword. On the one hand, all people who fall under the rainbow umbrella need and deserve spaces where we can feel free to be ourselves, to meet people like us, and to live feeling like we can breathe. All of us can probably remember having some moment like Andy, looking around at the life and the love he sees shared around him:

 “Elsie...dipping her slightly as they kiss. Margo is smiling the whole time. This is like how Cliff leans his head on Henry's shoulder. For them, it's the bickering, the flirting, that brings them closer. It's funny how many ways there are to show you're in love, and yet outside Lavender House, we never get to experience any of them.”

Home is supposed to be the place where we can retreat from the outside forces that condemn us, or silence us. It’s supposed to be a refuge where we can be our most free and honest selves. In that sense, a place like Lavender House probably seems more than a haven...it’s almost like paradise.

On the other hand, isolating ourselves is both limiting because it can create an echo chamber and because it creates boundaries between us and the wider world we deserve to live in. Andy sees some of the consequences firsthand: Cliff never leaves the estate, fearing recriminations from a vengeful bio family, and spends long, lonely hours practically isolated. The bars may be gilded, but Lavender House has become a cage. Even the most powerful member of the surviving family, heir Henry, has a complicated relationship to the self-imposed isolation of Lavender House. But his conclusion is that the pain is worth the protection. “Just because we know what we are, and we know what the world is, doesn't mean we can change anything about either of them...I never felt ashamed of who I was, but I felt a lot angrier outside this place.”

So is a safe space a heaven or a hell? Is a place like Lavender House the solution or does it create yet more problems for the people it’s supposed to protect? 

I think these are the wrong questions. I don’t think it’s about where you choose to plant your roots or how. The question is: who are you choosing to plant them with? 

In the 1950s, it would have been a mostly foregone conclusion that coming out meant becoming a pariah. So, many chose to bury that part of themselves deep in order to be able to remain part of their homes and their families. But Elsie has a point: “You can’t hide a part of yourself from people and still be their family. And if you share that part...well, most families tell you you’re not family, then anyway...now your real family is going to be the one you make of other people like you.”

Coming out is not a universal social death sentence today. But that doesn’t mean we automatically feel at home in the families or communities we are born into. Now as then, we look for places to find “companionship. Friends. Lovers. Family. We have to make these things for ourselves.”

Every member of the family agrees that Lavender House is worth saving, and that justice in their case must be nontraditional in order to protect the precious life they have created. Because the truth is that the bond between them shapes their world more than a fence ever could. Lavender House isn’t a haven because it’s a mansion exclusively full of queer people. It’s because Lavender House is a giant family of queer people who came together and choose every day to love and protect each other no matter what.

Maybe the reason we still struggle over safe spaces is because, like everything, we forget that no two people are exactly the same. The perfect safe space doesn’t look the same for everyone. While readers leave the Lavender House family strengthened in their renewed love and faith in each other, Andy Mills leaves them to seek a new adventure. Even though Andy is invited to join the Lavender House family, in the end he chooses not to: “I've seen what life can look like, even if the one here isn't the one I want. Maybe, though, they've shown me a door to something better. It might fail. I might fail. But at least I'll do it as myself.” Andy is finally able to recognize that there is a big world out there, full of people living all kinds of different lives despite the odds, and that bonds of love that form a community can be found in all kinds of places. He doesn’t have to settle for a place that isn’t his. He can build one of his own.

Home is more than the walls we live in. Home is in the people we share them with. And if we haven’t found the place we fit in the world yet, then we have to keep living, learning, and laying the foundations for the place where we will.

[mrsmarlasinger]

I posted 9,071 times in 2022

That's 1,181 more posts than 2021!

164 posts created (2%)

8,907 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@powerbottombrucespringsteen

@that-twink-over-there

@rainbow-arrow

@rabbitindisguise

@elytrians

I tagged 3,231 of my posts in 2022

#tlt - 326 posts

#personal - 138 posts

#drug mention - 123 posts

#tumblrstake - 108 posts

#september 2022 - 105 posts

#drugs tw - 103 posts

#goncharov - 96 posts

#ldsconf - 91 posts

#general conference - 91 posts

#coronavirus - 86 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#(btw universe i am knocking on wood and i'm nawt trying to extort *extra* luck by reblogging this a second time okay love u 🤜🪵🤜🪵🤜🪵)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

My Favorite TLT Fanart Things

Ianthe

festeringly hawt, not TOO pretty

pale sallow skin. maybe a liiiiittle touch of jaundice, who can say

blood blood blood

small titty committee, but goddamn does she work that cleavage 😳

flat, colorless sheet of long hair (type 1a. texture what texture) that appears vaguely damp at all times

looks like she barely sleeps more than harrow

VISIBLY sickly, washed out, and fucking unhinged

weird vintage-y clothes that she somehow manages to slay OR slinky Barbiecore party girl dress in an obnoxious and unflattering shade of lavender

tall and svelte like a silver screen actress

men's clothes because i pick and choose what's canon here <33

slightly annoying face. punchable woman.

purple is HER color even though it looks terrible on her

evil freak with fucked-up insane eyes

looks at everyone like she's gonna fuck and/or cannibalize them. just radiating the most horrifying sexual energy you've ever seen

slut

cool gross mess of muscle and gristle connecting her bone arm to her shoulder

lean, kind of hollow face with high cheekbones (but still punchable-looking)

eyes either half-lidded and come-hither or just way way too scarily wide

possibly doesn't shower

ianthe can have piercings too. if she wants :)

Gideon | Harrow | Coronabeth

114 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

#4

Dallin H. Oaks is the reason I could not remain in the Church.

Dallin H. Oaks is the reason I can't tell my parents that I've been dating a girl for eight months and I'm in love with her and I gave my virginity to her and the other night I dreamed that I proposed to her.

Dallin H. Oaks is the reason my father delights in saying the f-slur and making fun of his trans coworker, but god forbid the gays should marry, god forbid someone should reject the pronouns they were assigned from their very first breath.

Dallin H. fucking Oaks is the reason my parents and grandparents may never show up to my wedding, should I marry my girl, or meet my children, should I choose to have any.

And of course, it's not just Oaks, and if he weren't the emblem of homophobia in the Church, it would be someone else.

But I resent him so much.

I'm sorry—if nothing else, I believe in love. But I cannot love the man who so intensely embodies and perpetuates the pain I've endured for 21 years.

How dare he.

137 notes - Posted April 3, 2022

#3

My Favorite TLT Fanart Things

Harrow*

androgynously hawt, not TOO pretty

little curved fangs as gauges

lotssss of piercings

BONE INDUSTRIAL PIERCING

emo 14-year-old grunge blogger attire or ornate lacy goth princess attire, no in-between

insane bags under her eyes

NO bone tiddies on the rib corset (why)

mean scary little gremlin and/or pathetic wet scrunkly rat

at least vaguely pissed-looking at (almost) all times

black nail polish

flat af but not emaciated because :(

choker/collar thing made of vertically arranged bones (you know the one)

blood blood blood

doesn't look 25! she's only three years old!!

insane unhinged energy always

soft dark eyes. tender eyes. angry, powerful eyes. haunted eyes.

looks about as put-together as a goth freak on the wrong end of a bender

smeared face paint cuz she's fucked up

CATHOLIC SAINT IMAGERY!!!!

mean, pointy, vaguely sickly little ferret face with small angular features (ideal for conveying A. feral rage, B. tortured sorrow, or C. thinly veiled open exasperation)

hair juuust long enough to curl around her ears and get in her eyes, like an anime boy

neither butch nor femme but a secret third thing

*my special little guy 🖤

Gideon | Ianthe | Coronabeth

153 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

#2

Mormons RECOVER from limp cabbage EMBARRASSMENT

156 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

22 ½ hours of Canadian Redditors attempting to draw their own flag on r/place:

Please note that this is juxtaposed with intricate pixel art of the Eiffel Tower, featuring The Little Prince...

See the full post

16,897 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[of-ocs]

Muses

Name: Niquis  Occupation: architect / Student of Aule Varya’s Roomate Hair colour: Ice Blue hair Eye colour: White eyes Race: Teleri  Powers: Cryo / healing powers Weapon: Sword / Briefcase  Height: 8’10 Sexuality: Bi Multiship: yes Canon Love interest: Varyano

Name: Aryoffírion Nickname: Aryo Titles: Knight of Amandor, Lord of the Stars Loyalties: Amandorian Birth: First Age Reigon: Amandor Weapon: Sword Class: Traveler  Race: Eldarian though appears Elvish Eye color: Blue  Hair color: blond Skin color: pale Visual Appearance: 20’s cursed with Immortality  Sexuality: Gay Multiship: Yes Partners: Non

Name: Ilcano  Nickname: Lica Date made: ??? Date Reactivated: Some time second age Reigon: Amandor Weapon: Sword Class: Alchemist  Race: Android S/o: Maglor Eye colour: Yellow Hair colour: Blonde Skin colour: Beige Shibui, with a pale gold powder Creator: listë before he became a god Guardian: Ithildin 

Name: Ithildin Race: Vampire Occupation: Doctor / Mad scientist Titles: Doctor of Baras Birth: YoT Region: Baras Weapon: Polearm Eye colour: Red Hair colour: Light Blue / White Skin colour: Fair Sexuality: Bi Multiship: yes Partners: N/A

Name: Helcala Race: E̴͈͋͐̄̄l̸̢̛̜̼̜̠͎̇̐̈́̓̊̈́̋̊͝v̷̯̇̿̂e̸̙̞̻͙̫̗̗͌̔ͅn̸̖̍̉̂̀ Occupation: Hot springs owner

Titles: Ȅ̷̢̮̦̻͖̜̻̣̘͋̄̂̈́͝ṙ̸̛̗̠̳̺̆̾͜͠r̷̮̝͇͉̹̽ǫ̵̢̡̹̼̲͓̗̮̪̈́̈́ȑ̵̻ ̵̨͙̱̰͖͇̳͆͑͗̑̊̊͘͜4̵̡̤̐0̷̼̃̓̃̕4̸̛͙͐̈́̾̌͗͝ ̸̛̜͇̪̘̱͙̬̏͂̓͋͂͊̈̄͠ͅn̸̢̪̎ó̵̧̨͙͔̺̣̟̽t̷̛̞̹̽̀̀̔̀̕͠ ̴̫̔̊̉f̸̛̱̿̾o̶̞͔̊̇̈́̄͌̽̑͘û̸̢͙̰̳̒͗̈́̎̈́̉̄͘n̸̨̰̯̜̘̺͎̪͆͊̆̈́̿̈́͜d̷̡̡̢̫̖͇͖͎̜̃̀̋̽̍̕͜͝

Powers: Cryo Birth: YoT Brother: Thalion & Rilmion

Region: G̸̨̣̙͉̥̫͈͍̔̍͌̊̆̍̇͠r̷͚̹͖̝̳̜͑̔͗̊ê̵̙͇̫̜̹̝̟̜̠̔͒̊͜͝e̵̼̭̺͔̭̯͈̠͇̲͛͒̔̇̑͗͑͗͗̅n̶̠̜͐̅̈́͋́w̴̛͈͗͆̓͗̚o̸̫̭̞̬͗ō̶͇̣̙̏͛̄̒͌̉͝ḑ̷̫̬͇͚̬̭̭͇̄̆͒ Weapon: Sword

Eye Colour: b̴̢̖̒̂͌̎͂̓̌͊͌̈́l̷̹̆̉̿́̌̅͊͑͗̚ư̵͇̦̫̭̿e̴͕͓̳̳̎̒͌̂͌̍̕ Hair Colour: Blue Skin Colour: Tanned Sexuality: Pan Multiship: Yes Partner: N/a

Name: Tiarior Nickname: Ario Race: Proto Balrog/Dragon Birth: Creation of Arda Eye Color: Orange (glows like fire in the dark) Hair color: Black but fades to fire Skin Color: Grey, (forearms Ashened, cracks in his skin r fire) Visual appearance: 20 (Immortal) Sexuality: Pan, Poly Multiship: yes Partners: Non

Name: Lingwe Occupation: Maia of Ulmo Hair Colour: Seaweed (Brown beard) Eye colour: Sea green (glows in the dark) Race: Maia / Fish Powers: Hydro Weapon: Magic Height: Adjustable Sexuality: Pan Multiship: Yes Canon Love Interest: Non Partners: Non

Name: Narmo Hair Colour:Grey Eye colour:Red Race: Elf - Raised by Wolves then taken in by Orome Powers: non Weapon: Claymore Height: 5’4 Sexuality: Pan Multiship: Yes Canon Love Interest: Non Partners: Non

Name: Agladvangwë Hair colour: Light Pink Gender: Female Eye colour: Pink Born: Made by Arno in the war occupation: healer Powers: Electro Weapon: Bow Height: 5'3 Sexuality: Lesbain Multiship: Yes Love Interest: Ngolith

Name: Ngolith Title: Lady of Sands occupation: Leader Gender: Female Hair colour: Whiteish Blonde Eye Colour: Grey Born: towards the end of the war Powers: Non Strength: Wealth and knowledge Weapon: Polearm Height: 6'4 Sexuality: Bi Multiship: Yes Love Interest: Agladvangwë

Name: Airëisilmë Gender: female Hair colour: Purple Eye colour: Lavender Born: Before time Powers: Lightning Weapon: sword Height: 6'0 Sexuality: Bi Multiship: yes Love Interest: N/A

Name: Lúmë Hair Colour: White Eye colour: Light Blue Born: YoT Powers: Space and Time Race: Maia of Nessa and Varda Weapon: Magic / Knife Height: 7'8 Sexuality: Pan Multiship: yes Love Interest: N/A

Name: Rúnamegli Nickname: Rúna / Trash Panda Hair Colour: Brown Hair Length: short Eye colour: Amber Born: YoT Powers: N/A Occupation: Con-Man Weapon: Sword Height: 8'0 Sexuality: Gay Multiship: Yes Love Interest: Russa

Name: Russalagos Nickname: Russa Hair Colour: Red / ginger Hair Length: Mid Eye colour: Blueish - Grey Born: YoT Powers: Wind Occupation: Detective Weapon: Magic Height: 7'9 Sexuality: Gay Multiship: Yes Love Interest: Runa

Name: litsë Title: God of the Sand / Ruler of Baras Hair Colour: Blonde Hair Length: Long Eye colour: red Born: before time Powers: Sand Occupation: Elemental Lord Death: After the war of the Lords and in the War of Baras and Amandor Weapon: Magic / Polearm Height: Changeable Sexuality: Pan Multiship: Yes Love Interest: N/a

Name: Fánanaire Nickname: fana hair colour: white Hair Length: Short eye colour: Blue (has four) Born: unknown Powers: Demon Occupation: Monster made due to the destruction of Amandor Weapon: Non (his fists) Height: 9'8 Sexuality: Pan Multiship: Yes Love Interest: Lúmë

name: Mairëafúmë Nickname: Mai Hair color: brown Eye colour: Red (has eye patch over one eye) Born: Unknow Powers: Putting people to sleep Weapon: Claymore Height: 6'9 Sexuality: Bi Multiship: Yes Love Interest: Airëisilmë

Name: Rauko hair colour: White with some Red Eye colour: Red Born: Unknown Powers: Demon Occupation: Monster made due to the destruction of Amandor Weapon: Claymore Height: 10ft Sexuality: Bi Multiship: yes Love Interest: N/A

Voron from the horsemen is still on this blog and more oc's will come

[cant-think-of-anything]

I think part of the reason that there’s such a dissonance between what kind of character Matthew is ~supposed~ to have and what kind of poor traits shine through, especially in his treatment of Alastair, is not just because of CC’s poor handling of alcoholism (and, in my opinion, mental health issues and depression) but also because: Our first introduction to these characters happened a long ways before some major changes to TLH.

Namely… Alastair and Cordelia were basically white in CC’s original planning. There’s just no way around that. Their flower cards, where they’re not just whitewashed but purely white, prove that (and they STILL haven’t been updated, by the way.)

Also, Alastair’s hair: in CoG it was dyed blond, and CC wrote it off implicitly as a racism thing when she decided he was Persian (which I guess happened after the short story where we met Alastair and before TLH) , which would have been fine it if it was an arc written better. Except, I don’t think she realized that it would make Matthew’s comments about Alastair inherently and obviously racist, being a white author. And I doubt that it will be dealt with and named or even acknowledged outright in the final TLH installment.

Kind of the same thing with Cordelia. I’m not saying POC can’t have like red hair because obviously POC don’t come in a prepackaged set of five or six traits that are all configured randomly, but something has always rubbed me the wrong way about the way that CC writes the majority of her POC and especially WOC as exotic. I mean, Kamala as a character is to me a special favorite (even though CC did her dirty and didn’t do a good job portraying her character or intersectional identity) but I rolled my eyes so hard when she had lighter brown or “amber” eyes in canon or officially commissioned art. With Cordelia, I know CC once said she uses henna to redden her hair which is great for her, and I guess I have less of a bone to pick with that because it’s semi(?) realistic, but still. Also the fact that so much of her description as a beautiful person comes from her hair. Again that’s cool, and women of color should be loved wholly including being loved for the parts of them that they freely change (such as Cordelia’s hair) but… the proportion of the fixation on her hair as what makes her lovely rubs me the wrong way sometimes. I feel like it’s sometimes an out from CC making the ~scandalous~ decision that a woman of color can be beautiful because of the traits she is born with. Idk it’s just for me I had this long standing repulsion towards my colorings and my facial structure and white girls would tell me I was whiny about it and then I finally began to piece together things like “Eurocentric beauty standards.”

Going on a tangent slightly, but something else that bothered me was when Anna insulted Cordelia after buying her those dresses and everyone kinda treating it as a compliment? And just cause Cordelia, a fictional teenager, didn’t get mad about it doesn’t mean readers of color can’t see the underlying racism behind “Cordelia looks MUCH better in these dresses which are SUITED for her skin tone.”

I think that narrative could have been handled much better: if it was Cordelia picking out her own clothes as an act of maturity and self-realization and ownership, if Cordelia herself said (in a different way lol) “Damn right I can wear lavender ruffles if I want to and crimp my hair but I’m not going to let white fashion prevent me from outshining everyone because dark skinned women INVENTED jewel tones.” And I think some people will argue that Cordelia’s context makes this too self aware of a development but I would say that it would have been a powerful part of her development outside of her relationships, especially considering that she’s supposed to be a main protagonist. Full arcs for the win baby!

But even aside from all that what bothered me about Anna’s dresses was the fact that it was a white woman showing the “truth” or the “right way” or “saving” a woman of color, a trope which I don’t think CC intended but committed nonetheless. I think from a white author POV the thinking was “Anna is such a free bohemian who lives true to herself and she’s going to help Cordelia become that way too,” which irks me because I feel like that just worked against CC in terms of POC rep and also because that same ideology is used in an attempt to make Anna’s treatment of Kamala justified even though Anna as an out person, with racial and economic privilege and the support of an extensive and powerful family network, pressured and tormented Kamala into coming out.

I have a lot of thoughts on that relationship, mainly: it shouldn’t have been dragged out this long because from the beginning, Every Exquisite Thing, it was clear they were looking for different things. And if CC had left it at that and let them go on their separate ways after a week of knowing each other that would have been fine: Kamala can’t do an out and proud relationship and Anna doesn’t want secrecy, so they’ll develop on their own. And then later Kamala’s pursuit of Anna in the actual TLH books was I think meant to be a thing about “the lengths you’ll go for true love” but it felt forced. Honestly… It just feels icky. like this woman of color is just so hung up on this white woman who abuses her repeatedly and can’t handle her own misogyny and internalizations. And I hate that because both had such awesome potential! To me it’s less that I dislike Anna ( I’d need a whole other post to explain that) and more that I dislike CC for wanting so bad to claim sapphic rep but not wanting to put in the effort to portray it effectively- and pretty much all that entails is writing the relationship without acting like it exists in a pseudo-vacuum where the history and realities of interracial relationships and queerphobia don’t exist in the way we obviously recognize and experience.

And characters like Cordelia and Alastair are amazing and have so much potential; I think the true origin of the problems with their portrayal is that they weren’t really intended as POC or even queer representation in the first place. I don’t know if Cassie would have taken a different approach to her characterization had she known Alastair would be a brown gay man when she first introduced him, but I hope it would have at least made her more conscientious of the inherent application of colonialism and racism in her storytelling from that point onward.

I want to finally add that I’m not saying any portrayal of racism is bad. I’m saying that the racism in the story is not part of a conscious framework that critiques racism appropriately. I think CC wrote the beginnings of the narrative, decided she was going to develop the diversity point content, and then either didn’t look back at the older content to analyze it and the other (white characters) through a new lens of race and outsiderness and queer personhood, or she looked at it and didn’t know what to do with it, or looked at it and didn’t care.

Sorry this got so long! Thanks for listening.

- A.

I feel like CC handled everything poorly in regards to characters who had a lot of potential.

The fact that Cordelia and Alastair are both originally white and it's so obvious in the way every bit of racism is handled by the characters. Matthew's comments in CLS are very important and they should've been handled with the same severity that Alastair's words were. CC changing the characters to POC was a big decision and when she did so she should've went back and actually read her own material. I can assure you that it will not be handled in CHOT, my expectations for CC recognizing the importance and gravity in the words she writes regarding racism or any of her "implied racism" bullshit have gone to the ground.

Because while golden eyes are obviously so easy to write when discussing discrimination obviously racism is out of the question /j

THAT'S EXACTLY IT, women of color in these books are so pathetically rare that on the rare occurrence that she does write them they should all be given these features that aren't as common in POC and written as more beautiful because of those features. I read CHOG after I became more appreciative of my ethnic features but if I had read this a year or so ago? Or even if I had read it after just feeling insecure in general? It would've been awful. The implication is that the lighter features in POC are the most beautiful, with Cordelia's red hair being put on a higher pedestal than her dark eyes and Kamala's eyes being focused on more than her hair (because I literally went back and counted the numbers to prove it and it's exactly what happens.)

I'm sure Cordelia's hair is stunning, but it's the way that when she's described (or more accurately being sexualized) it is just her hair and body that is shown, not the color of her skin or the color of her eyes.

God the pastel thing pisses me off so much. It's not even that Anna tells Cordelia that she would look better in darker colors it's that she says it suits her skin tone. Implying that anyone with brown skin should be barred from wearing pastels. And Kamala? In the few times she is described, she's wearing dark colors or champagne gold, never light blue or purple or pink WHICH HONESTLY SUITS HER PERSONALITY. It's also the way that the dresses Anna sent her are described to be more revealing- it's weird. Anna barely knew her when she started dictating everything that Cordelia could put on her body.

“Damn right I can wear lavender ruffles if I want to and crimp my hair but I’m not going to let white fashion prevent me from outshining everyone because dark skinned women INVENTED jewel tones.”

I literally would have loved that. It recognizes that she doesn't need to follow these "rules" on what to wear but still shows her choosing what she wants to wear without making all the darker skinned readers feel like they can't wear a certain color.

I think what some people fail to realize is that these books are also aimed at upper elementary and middle school and a middle schooler with dark skin reading something like that? In a book with characters they love? It's going to be so harmful

Someone else mentioned that CC said Kamanna's relationship was complicated because Kamala didn't defend Anna: Defend her FROM WHAT? Literally what is there to threaten Anna?

These books are filled with tokenism and then praised for it. The idea of Kamala X Anna has so much potential but they're portrayed in such a toxic way. Throughout the last through books Kamala puts herself through so much guilt and regret and turmoil just for Anna to literally use her, blame her, and cast her aside. And it's so fucking annoying because it pushes this idea that this woman of color who was terrified and in an extremely vulnerable position is in the wrong for choosing her safety and presents them as guilty and shameful for doing such a thing.

I would disagree, the portrayal of racism is bad, because it is used at random points in the story and never brought up again, if you interduce racism take it seriously it's not the kind of thing you're meant to half-ass in a book thousands of people will read

I agree on everything else though, so much of these books are incredibly harmful and they are presented to a young audience so it's overall just a gross situation

Thank you for the ask though! I loved answering this, if you ever have anything else you're more than welcome to come back <3

[radioprune]

First Line Meme

rules: list the first lines of your last 20 stories. see if there are any patterns. then tag your favorite authors.

tagged by the absolutely marvelous della @fieryphrazes and omg 20 is a lot

breath fresh air ever after: Ben is going to be on TV.

blood is thicker than water (but maple syrup is thicker than blood): BJ is twelve years old when he decides he will not be different. 

if i hold you in my arms i won’t dance: “All right,” Helen says. 

above all, i want my arms about you: Hawkeye can’t sleep. 

with friends like these, who needs enemies?: Margaret hates Hawkeye Pierce. 

love at first sight: Hawkeye wakes up first, because he always wakes up first, which is good. 

mind field: “Tell me about the bus.”

hawkeye, why hawkeye?: BJ thinks he has Hawkeye all figured out. 

the toughest thing in any relationship (is picking out the furniture): Red wasn’t even Hawkeye’s favorite color. 

give me love, give me love, give me peace on earth: What Carlye Got: the records, Sheldon and Mary, the radio, the carpet, the good lamp, the Portland flannel, married. What Hawkeye Got: the books, Jack and Olive, Arrow the cat, the apartment, the photos from Coney Island, the lavender sweater, drafted.

we’ll get together and have dinner: Sometimes Hawkeye thinks he has everything backwards. 

i now pronounce you pierce and hunnicutt: “’By the power invested in me by the state of intoxication,’ BJ all but slurred as Hawkeye cackled with laughter behind him, ‘I now pronounce you man, and woman. You may now ignore the bride!’”

or, the children’s crusade: Hawkeye feels terrible. 

these foolish things remind me of you (they don’t) (they do): It starts because of Arrowsmith. 

you made it bearable: BJ and Hawkeye had agreed to meet up beforehand, at the bar, and check in together. 

you deserve the best: Margaret Houlihan didn’t like being on this side of the emergency room. 

i’ll never be able to shake you: Having a kid had seemed like the perfect decision. 

this mad, gay nightlife: Watching BJ and Margaret dance made Hawkeye go out of his mind. 

i just flew to korea and boy are my arms tired: The day BJ cut the sleeves off of his uniform was among the proudest of Hawkeye’s life.

don’t forget, it’s the first day of school: 1950, Korea, A Hundred and Fifty Years Ago. Hawkeye was wearing an army uniform. 

any trends? literally the shortest most simple sentences ever that give you zero information about what’s actually going on

i’ll tag @elahrairahs @leonardcohenofficial @yeats-infection if you’d like feel free to do as few or as many as you want :-) 

[mogai-sunflowers]

🌻nenbyLenby orientations/subsets of vilyric!🌻

specific vilyric orientations (vilyric found here)! attraction abbreviations used in this post found here, and the gai version of vilyric (nenbyLnenby- neutriri) found here

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

viridia-

an enbian orientation for neutral-aligned non-binary people who are (exclusively or not) attracted to feminine-aligned non-binary people/non-binary feminine people. the abbreviation is nenbyLfenby.

[Image ID: A flag with five equally-sized horizontal stripes. From top to bottom, the colors are peach pink, rose pink, medium grey-magenta, deep purple, and deep grey-purple. End ID.]

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

nycteria-

an enbian orientation for neutral-aligned non-binary people who are (exclusively or not) attracted to woman-aligned non-binary people/non-binary women. the abbreviation is nenbyLwenby.

[Image ID: A flag with five equally-sized horizontal stripes. From top to bottom, the colors are medium grey-magenta, rust red, pastel yellow, grey-purple, and medium grey-purple. End ID.]

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

elvenian-

an enbian orientation for neutral-aligned non-binary people who are (exclusively or not) attracted to masculine-aligned non-binary people/non-binary masculine people. the abbreviation is nenbyLmenby.

[Image ID: A flag with five equally-sized horizontal stripes. From top to bottom, the colors are pastel red, light orange, pastel yellow, medium grey-purple, and deep grey-purple. End ID.]

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

tulenic-

an enbian orientation for neutral-aligned non-binary people who are (exclusively or not) attracted to man-aligned non-binary people/non-binary men. the abbreviation is nenbyLgenby.

[Image ID: A flag with five equally-sized horizontal stripes. From top to bottom, the colors are cream orange, light grey-pink, medium lavender, indigo, and navy blue. End ID.]

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

zexiphri-

an enbian orientation for neutral-aligned non-binary people who are (exclusively or not) attracted to unaligned non-binary people. the abbreviation is nenbyLuenby.

[Image ID: A flag with five equally-sized horizontal stripes. From top to bottom, the colors are lime yellow, grey-green, medium grey-green, deep grey-purple, and deep grey-pink. End ID.]

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

all terms and flags by me :D tagging @kenochoric​ 

[DNI ID: A pastel rainbow-gradient banner with an image of Catra from She-Ra Princess of Power. The banner reads “DNI: T/SW/BL/PL/ERFS/radfems, truscum/transmed, anti mspec gay/lesbian, biphobe/panphobe/aphobe, a-spec exclusionist, anti-anti/proshippers, racist, sexist, transphobe, anti-MOGAI/xenogenders/neurogender/neopronouns/otherkin, right-wing/trump supporter, anti-decolonization, fetishist, anti-sfw agere, nsfw/king/cringe/flop blogs, or supporters/apologists for any of those things. End ID.]

[cotncandyboifics]

A Lovely Night: Chapter 5

AO3 Link

Masterpost

Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 6

Pairing(s): pre-established roceit & prinxiety, anaroceit, eventual anaroloceit, eventual intruality

Word count: ~2.5k

Story summary: Roman's boyfriends had had a rivalry since before either of them had actually met Roman. Running a bit late to a date night, Roman accidentally gets them to start dating too.

General CW: non-detailed description of an anxiety attack, non-detailed description of physical pain, food, kissing, potentially triggering descriptions of physical bodies, swearing, caps lock, school settings, s-xual innuendos, slight description of gore(imagery), vague descriptions of anxiety, Implications of an eating disorder, fatigue, dissociation, suppression of stimming, implied heavy restriction (ED), inner monologue-style anxiety description, eating,(will be added to as I write more)

Chapter CW: Swearing, slight description of gore(imagery), vague descriptions of anxiety, food, (let me know if i missed anything please!)

Author notes: i like this chapter a lot :) the stage has been set.

...

The next morning, Virgil had an opening shift at the knitting and sewing supply store he worked for. He'd found it the first week the three of them had moved to this town for college, and immediately took a liking to it, likely thanks to his long-lasting hobby of clothing alteration. He'd made some good money to save up in high school from making and selling custom hoodies and other clothing, even having taken a few commissions over the years.

It wasn't rare occurrence, that he was opening the store, and on this particular morning it wasn't so dreadful (once he'd pried himself away from his half-asleep boyfriends, who both vaguely grumbled protests at the incomplete cuddle pile as Virgil was getting ready). Virgil had gotten to his favorite coffee shop, where Janus' brother Patton worked, in time that it would be open and he also wouldn't be late for his shift, which was rare. It only worked out that way if Virgil's bus commute was perfectly timed.

Now caffeinated, and somewhat less-pessimistic-than-usual about the day ahead of him, Virgil retrieved the keys to the shop from his pocket, fumbling for a bit before finding the right one. He let out a breath as he found it, unlocking the door as he'd done a thousand times before and stepping in, shutting the door behind him and leaning his back against it. Virgil noted the clock on the wall, reading 5:02 am. The shop opened at 6, and he had more than enough sorting and stocking to do before then.

The next hour passed rather quickly. His co-worker Emile showed up shortly after him, and they both spent the rest of the time before the shop opened restocking and organizing the horrendous amounts of yarn and string and such supplies throughout the store and in the back room.

Shortly 6 am arrived, and it was time for the two of them to draw straws to decide who would man the register and help customers while the other continued stocking. Typically Virgil enjoyed the latter while Emile enjoyed the former, but their manager had insisted that they make the odds more random in order to get them both more comfortable in their unpreferred positions.

True to their manager's sentiment, Virgil drew the register stick. They both sighed at each other, and Emile returned to sorting through some cerulean yarn balls. Virgil made his way to the front of the store, unlocking the doors and flipping the sign to open, before making himself at home behind the register.

Generally, customers were rare at this time of morning, save for a few early-riser regulars. The bell at the top of the door chimed. Virgil didn't look up, expecting to see Margaret in her usual morning power-walk getup, coming in to check up on whether they'd gotten a shipment of lavender yarn yet.

"Morning, Marge. We still haven't gotten any lavender in, if-" Virgil halted his speaking upon looking up, feeling his throat constrict as he realized who had entered. At any rate, this person was certainly not Margaret.

The first thing that caught Virgil's attention about this new customer was their eyes. They were a burning blue, with small subtle mushes of gray here and there. Through their vaguely foggy colors, those eyes cut sharp like ice shards. The customer seemed entirely calm and stoic, however that did not extend to the ferocious - however not hostile - intensity with which they were staring Virgil down. Of course this intensity did not extend past their eyes, as the very slight twinge of a polite smile was seated at the corners of their mouth. Virgil briefly noted some seemingly familiar physical characteristics (although he was extremely wary to assume anything - what would be the chances of him and his boyfriends all meeting the same man individually, completely perchance?); shining black hair, square-framed glasses, the freckles, the pale and sunken nature of their face. Or, as Virgil certainly noticed, the subtle pronunciation of his cheekbones and jawline. They wore a black coat and a navy patterned scarf that appeared to be hand-knitted.

Virgil stumbled his way over to the closest register to the door - he wasn't sure why they even had two, they never needed to use them both simultaneously - and leaned haphazardly on the counter, propping his chin up on his palm.

"Sorry, hello, I thought you'd be someone else. Marge is usually the first in. What can I do for you?" His face felt really hot, and he was pretty sure that much was obvious to the newcomer, but he tried his best not to think about it.

The stranger didn't speak for a moment, merely leaning forward slightly with a furrowed brow. Virgil panicked for a moment, but followed their line of sight to the name tag on his hoodie. It was quite scuffed up, and the name "Virgil" was scarcely discernible through various smears of odd substances. Virgil quickly unpinned the name tag, beginning to rub away at the gunk with a sweater-covered thumb.

"It's Virgil, sorry about that," He spoke, hiding his hot cheeks behind his bangs as he scratched at his name tag feverishly. He quickly decided on just setting it down, wanting to give the newcomer his full attention.

"Good morning, Virgil," they spoke, and wow, was Virgil gay. The strangers' voice was deep and smooth, and reminded him a bit of Janus'. But this had a tactful, almost clinical and calculated sincerity, whereas Janus' was far more lilted and drawly. Regardless, Virgil felt his throat constricting a bit. He tried subtly coughing the feeling away. "I am in search of some high quality yarn, as a gift for a dear friend of mine. It is my understanding that this establishment is highly regarded for its products' quality?" Virgil tried not to stare. The stranger was running their fingers down and up the inside of one of the lapels of their coat very slowly, and that reminded Virgil terribly of Janus. He felt like he was in high school all over again, ogling over a tall pretty boy.

Regardless of his gay panic, Virgil cleared his throat. "Yeah, we try," His voice cracked slightly, and he tried clearing his throat again. "I mean, we have some pretty awesome suppliers, and we have a really, uh... Big selection of stuff. Do you, do you know what it is you want to get for your friend, exactly?" Virgil thanked any gods that existed had allowed him to formulate a coherent sentence, and he was glad to have the expectation of speaking temporarily off himself.

The customer tapped his chin with the side of his index finger, - which again, reminded Virgil painfully of Janus - humming as he continued surveying his surroundings. "I think he'd appreciate a selection of soft or pastel colors, and he adores the color blue. I think white would be a suitable addition as well. Do you sort your yarns by color?" he inquired, returning his heavy gaze to Virgil and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Virgil tried not to audibly gulp.

"Yeah, we do. here, let me show you to the right aisle," Virgil stepped away from the register, and tried to get out from behind the counter, only to completely trip over a cardboard box and fall directly onto his face.

"Goodness, are you alright?" the stranger paced quickly over to where Virgil was groaning on the floor, attempting to pull himself up onto his elbows. They reached a pale-white and very bony hand down to Virgil, who stared at it for a little too long before taking it gingerly.

The customer pulled firmly, and Virgil did too, and they both slightly miscalculated how much strength they needed to apply in order for Virgil to stand. Virgil stumbled forward just a bit as he rose. He looked up slightly and found himself nose to nose with the now wide-eyed man. Virgil yelped slightly, jumping away like a startled cat.

"Sh-shoot, sorry about that," Virgil took to fidgeting a bit aggressively with his hoodie strings, curling them around and between his fingers. "Uh, this way," he pushed a bit awkwardly past the man, looking at his shoes as he walked and willing away the burning heat he felt in his cheeks. Of course the first cute guy he encounters besides his boyfriends is right there when he falls on his face.

He paced over to the aisle with hues of blue and purple yarn, spotting Emile still working with a large box of cerulean. After a momentary panic and trying to wave Emile's attention without making any noise, the stranger turned the corner into the aisle Virgil had led him to. Virgil sighed to himself, annoyed at an in-no-way-at-fault Emile who still hadn't noticed their presence.

Virgil cleared his throat. "Hey, Emile, could you take register while I help this... customer?" Virgil had to take a moment to recall a phrase to describe him besides 'very beautiful man'.

"Uh-" Emile went to say he could help the customer for Virgil, since they were meant to stay in the vicinity of their assigned roles, but Virgil was looking at him with an intensity that blatantly said 'I am begging you to let me help this very gorgeous man to find his yarn and if you don't so help me god I will impale your severed and rotting skull on a rusty metal pole'. Emile chuckled a little shrilly. "Yeah, sure Virge," Emile slid past the two of them, making his way to the register as the chime of the door sounded again. "Welcome in, Margaret! Do-you-how-do?"

Virgil turned his attention back to the man looming slightly over him, leading him down the aisle to the softer and lighter shades. The customer was already scanning the shelves with a tactful intensity that made Virgil almost as anxious as it did further attracted to him.

"This variety is more than adequate," he spoke, almost under his breath, and Virgil tried not to shudder at the rumble in his voice.

"Um, great," Virgil piped up after a moment, and the icy gaze of the tall boy was on him once again. His cheeks felt real hot. "I can, get you a bag for... what you pick out? Er, a gift bag, if you'd like?" Virgil tapped the side of his fist into his hip a few times, trying to expel some of his nervousness. The stranger smiled softly.

"That would be excellent. Thank you, Virgil." He turned back to examining his options, and Virgil scurried off to find a gift bag.

The bags were all by the front register, and he grumbled a bit to himself on the way, preparing for some relentless teasing from his coworker for the next century at minimum. Emile was just waving Margaret off when Virgil rounded the corner, stepping behind the counter to rummage through some boxes for a gift bag.

"Sooo, Virgil," Emile started, tone entirely teasing as he leaned a little too far on the counter, tapping his orange pen on his lips.

"Don't. Say. Anything." Virgil hissed through clenched teeth, glancing up to give Emile another pointed glare for good measure. Emile chuckled lightly, leaning back on the counter a bit.

"Whaat? I won't! I'm totally innocent, see?" Emile puffed out his bottom lip and made his eyes look big. Virgil scoffed.

"Is that a cartoon reference?"

Emile grinned, shrugging. "Probably."

Virgil found the gift bags - finally - and began scampering off and away from the prying gaze of his overly curious co-worker.

Virgil helped the customer to find and collect the proper amount and variety of yarns that he wanted. As it turned out, it was a relatively easy task; aside from being impossibly and unintentionally charming, the stranger was mindful and courteous, and working with him was proving to be relatively easy. They bantered a bit, falling into a casual conversation as they searched for yarn, as well as while they walked back to the register for Virgil to ring his items up.

Emile gave Virgil a pointed look as he approached, trading him places as he walked with a skip in his step back to his yet unstocked shelves. Virgil rolled his eyes at him, stepping extra carefully behind the counter so as not to trip on any stray cardboard boxes. He leaned against the counter in front of the register, beginning to type numbers into it as though he knew the yarn prices like the back of his hand.

the customer stood at the counter before Virgil, vaguely examining his purchase as he watched Virgil slightly through his peripheral. He noticed the way Virgil bit at the inside corner of his mouth, worrying the flesh between his canines as he focused on adding the prices.

"Alright... your total is 82.53," Virgil said slowly, looking up at the stranger, who had - oddly enough - already been looking at him. The stranger glanced away momentarily, clearing his throat and reaching into an inside pocket of his coat for his wallet.

He produced a pristine black leather wallet, pulling a shiny navy blue debit card from between its folds and setting the wallet on the counter as he handed off the card. Virgil took the card and charged it, the customer punching in his PIN through the keypad.

A faint buzzing sounded from within the man's coat, and he reached in once more with knitted eyebrows. He pulled out what seemed to be his phone, eyes widening as he saw whatever was on the screen. Virgil couldn't see, but he figured someone must be calling him.

"My apologies, I must depart," The man spoke quietly, grabbing his gift bag of yarn and bringing his phone to his face as he made hastily for the door. Virgil didn't hear what he said when he answered the phone, but his brow was still furrowed when Virgil caught a glimpse of his face walking down the sidewalk out the store window.

"Bye..." Virgil said to the empty store front.

He looked down, seeing the customer's debit card still in his hand. "Shit." He saw the wallet set on the counter before him as well. He grabbed it, opening it to return the debit card to its proper place and see if there was a way of contacting the man within the wallet.

As he opened it, a white card similar in shape and size to the debit card fell to the floor. Virgil retrieved it, flipping it over to see what it was.

"No way..." Virgil was holding a driver's license. The name it was registered under was too familiar for it to be a coincidence.

He'd need to be giving one Logan Lattimer a call on his break.

[stylesnews]

HARRY STYLES wore a dress. You may well know that already even if you don’t follow fashion or music closely. Photos of the British singer in the custom Gucci frock—snapped for the cover of Vogue—swarmed the internet a few weeks ago, sending his brigade of fans into a tizzy. Scads of tweets and online articles recycled the images. And while most of the coverage lauded Mr. Styles for his beguiling, gender-bending outfit, some conservative pundits including Candace Owens predictably wrung their hands, interpreting the hubbub as a death knell for the so-called “manly man.” The cover itself was a landmark: Mr. Styles is the first man to grace the cover of Vogue solo. Think of the instantly collectible issue as a coronation of sorts, confirming that the 26-year-old singer is now officially style-royalty.

Mr. Styles, who rose to fame as a member of the boy band One Direction before going solo, has been a fashion provocateur for several years now. A muse to Gucci creative director Alessandro Michele, he consistently wears the label’s rather unisex wares such as tapestry print trousers, lithe loafers and pussy-bow blouses. (Representatives for the artist did not respond to a request for comment for this story and, through a representative, his stylist Harry Lambert declined to comment.)

On Instagram, feverish fan accounts like @Hsfashionarchive (which has over 100,000 followers) vie to identify whatever Mr. Styles is photographed wearing, from whimsically wide floral pants by British designer Steven Stokey Daley to a candy-colored necklace by New York jewelers Eliou. This year Mr. Styles topped the “Power Dressers” list on Lyst, a fashion-focused search platform, reflecting the strong correlation between his clothing choices and what online shoppers seek. Camilla Clarkson, communications director at Lyst, noted that Mr. Styles’s “non-binary style” helps drive his popularity, particularly with a younger generation that liberally shops across gender lines.

Some older observers, however, regard Mr. Styles’s fashion choices through a “been there, seen that” lens. “It’s kind of like this year’s version of rock-star packaging or something,” said Vincent Boucher, 67, a lecturer at Parsons School of Design in New York. As precursors, Mr. Boucher pointed to Kurt Cobain, Mick Jagger and David Bowie, all of whom donned dresses decades ago, nimbly crossing gender lines. (I’d add to that list the lesser-known, openly gay disco singer Sylvester, who frequently vacillated between men’s and women’s clothing—see the video for his 1978 number-one hit, “You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real).”)

Mr. Styles’s Vogue cover elicited little more than “a shrug” from Andrew Groves, 52, a fashion professor at Westminster University in London. As Prof. Groves pointed out, when Bowie wore a dress in the early ‘70s, it was “really provocative because it was outside society’s norms.”

Even if Prof. Groves considers Mr. Styles’s floor-length dress unworthy of controversy, it did cause a several-day stir here in America that broke down largely along partisan lines. Alarmed conservative pundits tweeted lengthy screeds including Candace Owens, 31, a conservative voice who decried the “steady feminization of our men.”

Meanwhile, on her Instagram a few days later, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez called Mr. Styles’s Vogue shoot “wonderful” and confronted the criticisms: “Perhaps for some people it provokes some anger or insecurity around masculinity/femininity/etc. If it does, then maybe that’s part of the point. Sit with that reaction and think about it, examine it, explore it, engage it, and grow with it.”

Most male stars still avoid the risks associated with dressing too fashionably. Days after Mr. Styles’s Vogue cover was released, George Clooney graced the cover of GQ Magazine. The ensuing social-media conversation focused not on his (strategically inoffensive) clothes but on the affable star’s anecdotes. Mr. Clooney, in his immaculate knit polo and Ray-Ban sunglasses, surely looked great to many men of a certain age. But his look was hardly innovative, unlike those embraced by Mr. Styles and other dynamic, contemporary style icons like A$AP Rocky, Tyler the Creator and Jaden Smith.

Thanks in part to the internet and social media, which have given him an arguably wider sphere of influence than earlier gender-bending-fashion icons like Bowie or Cobain, Mr. Styles is turning receptive fans onto novel ways of dressing. “He’s a pioneer, really,” said Jordan O’Brien, 28, of Penngrove, Calif. Mr. O’Brien creates men’s-fashion videos, one of which, titled, “Recreating Harry Styles Iconic Outfits,” has been viewed over 123,000 times on YouTube. It shows Mr. O’Brien loosely following in his idol’s footsteps by wearing outfits like a lavender suit with a mesh-shirt.

Mr. O’Brien and other admirers I spoke with can’t afford the big-ticket Gucci and Bode clothes Mr. Styles endorses. Nor are they really interested in adopting his most avant-garde outfits. Instead, they attempt to channel the essence of his style and his flexible attitude. “I love how he breaks the boundaries,” of men’s fashion and shows that “people can wear whatever they want,” said Mr. O’Brien.

Kyle Jordan, 23, a barista in Barrington, N.J., studies Pinterest pages dedicated to Mr. Styles’s outfits. He’s adopted the singer’s penchant for broader pants and boxy button-ups and now has his eye on a pearl necklace which has for years been Mr. Styles’s signature. Lyst’s Ms. Clarkson noted that whenever Mr. Styles wears a given item—be it pearls, or a blue suit, or a yellow bucket hat—her site registers a jump in search inquiries for comparable items.

A rainbow-patchworked J.W. Anderson cardigan that Mr. Styles wore on the “Today” show in February is probably the item his fans have tried most zealously to duplicate. The technicolor sweater became an internet sensation, shared particularly widely on TikTok. But at $1,560 it was well outside most fans’ budgets, its idiosyncrasy extreme enough that good facsimiles were hard to find. So, in a rare instance in which a luxury fashion label bowed to the masses, J.W. Anderson released the pattern online so fans could knit their own version; cardiganed Styles copycats began posting their homemade iterations en masse. As for the original sweater? It’s heading to the Victoria & Albert Museum in London—acknowledged as a piece of fashion history.

[raybangoddess]

some of my oddly specific concept playlists (sorry i can’t change the covers, i’m a broke bitch who doesn’t have the coin for spotify premium):

you’re a world renown fashion designer, famous for your experimental, avant-garde, flamboyant designs. you’re extremely gay but also very depressed and to cope with this depression, you go to a lot of parties and get wasted.

basically you’re a stoner and you like to trip on lsd a lot.

you’re in a coming of age movie that’s set in the 1980’s. very john hughes. but make it lesbian, just because i can.

it’s the summer of 2019 and you’re spending it with your uncle, who lives in provence, france. you meet his neighbor, a girl your age and you embark on a romantic relationship with her. except her parents and your uncle aren’t exactly supportive of LGBTQ+, so you’re forced to keep the relationship a secret. you end up keeping the secret of your love between each other and the lavender that grows in the south of france. it all comes to an end and the love that you have for her haunts you as you tragically grow apart.

it’s either the 60’s or the 70’s and you’re a wholesome witch that lives on the countryside. you soon meet another witch, who you are extremely attracted to. but you find out she uses her talent and power to curse those who are homophobic, racist etc. even though you disagree w her methods, you quickly fall in love. (and oop, i tried to keep this relevant to the era, but my finger slipped and i put girl in red in the mix)

it’s october of 2019 and you’re in orlando, fl. currently, after a busy day of going to disney world, you are laying on your back of the hotel pool, looking at the palm trees and the night sky. the pool lights are illuminating you and the world around you in an ethereal blue color. you hear somebody call your name. it’s your significant other and they bring you into a splash fight. you are happy and everything is magical.

you live just outside of mars, on a man made city that floats in space. you accidentally fall into a forbidden romance with an AI, and you deny that she’ll turn on you. but one day after she tries to break free of the corrupt government’s hold on her, she is reprogrammed. leaving her with no memory of you and when you try to remind her, she only threatens your life. in an angry rampage, you try to overthrow the government with the help of rebels. but there is no hope- you are heartbroken and the government imprisons you.

[mrssakurahatake]

Tenten Week

I honestly didn’t see the prompts for Tenten week until last week, and wasn’t planning on writing anything for it, but the Ghost prompt caught my eye and I decided to write another Scooby Doo AU

But then life got in the way and I got sick, so I have it about half finished. I still wanted to share a bit of it

This is an as yet untitled squeal to The Mystery of the Missing Senbon 

Excerpt:

She found herself outside a foreboding manor house, several floors high, each looking to be in a state of disrepair worse than the one below it, causing her to wonder if it was even safe to enter.

Lee's surprised screech pulled her from her own thoughts. "Gai-sensei! What has happened to your youthful spandex?"

"Like, I don't know, man. It seems we have all gotten new clothes for this adventure. I am sure they are perfectly suited to the task we shall face."

Lee's bright bare legs beneath his lavender dress didn't seem suited to any situation. Tenten swallowed hard before looking down at herself. Orange and red certainly weren't her colors, and knee socks were not a fashion choice she would have chosen ever. Was this someone's idea of a joke? She turned to Neji, desperate for comfort.

That was not what she found. Instead she found him staring at her legs with an almost hungry look, that it was completely the wrong time for. She smacked the back of his head to bring his attention back to the situation at hand.

Neji cleared his throat uncomfortably, "Alright gang. I guess we’re supposed to head inside."

"Before we do, can anyone feel their chakra?" She asked.

Everyone shook their heads in response. Tenten wasn't sure if that was comforting or foreboding as she took her first step up the walkway to their adventure.

She could hear Lee and Gai behind her wondering what new "powers" their clothing held. She found it hard to believe they would find them at all helpful. She had yet to find any of her weapons scrolls, and without them she might as well be going into this naked.

At the top of the stairs an old butler greeted them and directed them to the parlor, where the rest of the guests would be waiting.

[positivityforlesbians]

Can you tell me if the labrys flag is offensive? It’s my favorite, so pretty

Hey ! It’s not offensive, but all three flags have been called offensive at some point or another so I’m sure you’ll find ppl who will criticise it. The only thing some lesbians are reluctant about is that a man (a gay man) made the labrys flag for us in the late 90s, not a lesbian. But to me it’s not so much of a problem because the elements he used to make our flag were already present in lesbian culture, he just put them on a flag : the labrys (since the 70s I believe, when lesbians began being very much feminists), the triangle, and the color purple (lavender and purple are popular since at least the late 19th century among lesbians and bi women in lesbian relationships, especially in regard to flowers and symbolism).

But here’s an advice for you and everyone really : don’t rely on other people’s opinions to know if something is offensive or not. Grab as much informations as you can on a subject and judge by yourself, make up your own opinion, there’s too much false informations circulating around these days. Do not take for granted everything everyone is writing, for example there are a lot of “hidden” lesbophobes (they think of themselves as progressive) on this website that will 100% tell you that something innocent about lesbian culture is terrible, problematic and should be cancelled. I have seen ppl say the most vile things about lesbian culture, including the labrys flag, so yeah be wary of ppl like that. This flag just like the other two is representative of who and what we are, it shows we’re powerful, resilient and that our love is beautiful. Xx

[kfs1001]

Lavender marriage 

– Urban dictionary

A term used in the 1930s, and can still be applied today. It's a term meaning if you are an actor who happens to be gay or lesbian like so many people in the 1930s, the agent of that actor tries to marry them off with a straight person. It is either this or lose everything when the public and fans find out a particular actor is homosexual. These days it's no big deal to come out of the closet, but there are still gay actors married to a straight spouse for appearance, and reputation. This called a Lavender marriage.

Bearding 

– Urban dictionary

An act that someone gay does when afraid to come out of the closet. usually this means dating a girl when you like guys just to coverup.

 Famous Hollywood Lavender Marriages

People | June 9, 2019 - https://historydaily.org/famous-hollywood-lavender-marriages

Rock Hudson with his bride of three days, former Phyllis Gates, 25, his agent's secretary, prepares to board a Pan American Clipper in Miami, Nov. 11, on the way to a honeymoon in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Source: (gettyimages.com)

During the early days of Hollywood, a gay actor or actress had to keep their sexual preferences hidden for fear of ruining their careers. To give the appearance of being straight—and often at the insistence of their agents or studio—homosexual entertainers would sometimes marry a person of the opposite sex in what was known as a ‘lavender marriage.’ Around the turn of the century, the color lavender was often associated with homosexuality, so the term was adopted by Hollywood to mean cover-up marriages arranged to keep up the façade of heterosexuality. Let’s look at some famous lavender marriages from Hollywood.

Rudolph Valentino and Natacha Rambova

In the 1920s, actor Rudolph Valentino was rumored to be bisexual which could pose a public relations problem for the handsome leading man. His acquaintance, costume and set designer Natacha Rambova was in a lesbian relationship with an actress, Alla Nazimova, which put her in the crosshairs of studio execs. The solution? In 1923, Rambova married Valentino in an attempt to show their fans that rumors of their homosexuality were unfounded. The marriage lasted only two years. 

Danny Kaye and Sylvia Fine

Although he was a popular entertainer, Danny Kaye was never the rugged, strong, leading man type. In fact, he was often cast in roles that showed him to be weak, cowardly, easily intimidated, and effeminate. Kaye was romantically involved with other men, particularly during his Vaudeville days. In 1940, he married Sylvia Fine, a piano accompanist. The couple had one child together, a daughter named Dena, even though most people believe their marriage was a lavender one. 

Rock Hudson and Phyllis Gates

Rock Hudson’s sexuality was one of Hollywood’s worst-kept secrets. The box office star was a heartthrob leading man that had women swooning over him. In 1955, reporters at Confidential magazine threatened to publish an article exposing Hudson’s closeted behavior. His agent, in an attempt to squash the story, hastily arranged for Hudson to marry his pretty, young secretary, Phyllis Gates. Gates always insisted that it was a legitimate marriage, not a lavender one. 

Tyrone Power and Annabella

In all likelihood, Tyrone Power was bisexual. Rumors have persisted for years about romantic trysts with some of Hollywood’s other leading men. Unlike other Hollywood lavender marriages, Power chose to marry the French actress, Annabella, without pressure from his agent or studio. In fact, the couple seemed to have a happy marriage, despite Power’s roving eye and affairs with both men and women. After his affair with Judy Garland ended in an unwanted pregnancy and abortion, Power and Annabella divorced. 

Judy Garland and Vincente Minnelli

Judy Garland’s husband and the father of her only child, Liza Minnelli, lived as an openly gay man in New York for a number of years before hitting it big in Hollywood. It was the restraints of Hollywood’s morality clauses that forced Minnelli back in the closet. Apparently, Garland was well-aware of his lifestyle when she married him and had a child with him. Years later, she encouraged her daughter to marry gay men, stating that they make the best husbands. 

Janet Gaynor and Adrian

Actress Janet Gaynor’s third marriage to costume designer, Adrian Greenberg—known professionally as just Adrian—was a lavender marriage to cover up Adrian’s homosexuality and to quell rumors of Gaynor’s lesbian activity. The couple had one child together, Robin Gaynor Adrian, and remained married for twenty years until Adrian’s death in 1959. 

  Bearding is Still a Thing in Hollywood 

– By Karen Frost

https://www.afterellen.com/general-news/532837-bearding-still-thing-hollywood

“Bearding” is a slang term describing a conscious attempt by a lesbian or gay man to hide her or his homosexuality from others by appearing to date or marry someone of the opposite sex. The “beard” (or in the case of a man used by a lesbian for the same purpose, the term used in the U.S. is “merkin,” which is a pubic wig, or in the U.K.“frock” (according to the Internet)) is normally witting and participates in the ruse as a favor to the other person or in return for some benefit.

Bearding has been around probably forever, but the use of the term “beard” specifically to describe the practice became more widely used in the 1960s. Before then, such relationships, particularly before World War II, were often called “lavender marriages.”

In Hollywood, bearding became almost normalized beginning in the 1920s, when studios began including morality clauses in the contracts they presented actors. In the 1930s and 40s, censors under the Motion Picture Production Code—also known as the Hays Code—kept a so-called “Doom Book” of 117 names of Hollywood figures whose private lives were “contrary to public morals” and therefore should be blackballed from working in Hollywood. Some gay actors and actresses responded by either self-initiating a bearding relationship or having one arranged for them by the studio to which they were contracted.

For example, then-Hollywood heartthrob Rock Hudson, hearing that Confidential magazine was planning to expose his homosexuality, married his agent’s secretary as a cover in 1955 (she herself is rumored to have been a lesbian). When Hudson dated Lee Garlington from 1962 to 1965, they would go together to red carpet premiers, but each had to bring their own dates to avoid public scrutiny. Hudson was only outed to the public after his death of AID-related complications in 1985.

In a 2011 interview with Joy Behar, Betty White implied she occasionally bearded for the flamboyantly gay Liberace. Liberace, who never publicly admitted to being gay, in 1954 announced his engagement to actress Joanne Rio, but they never ended up marrying.

While most people are aware of at least some Hollywood bearding efforts, the public is probably less aware of efforts by lesbians in Hollywood to hide their sexuality than gay men. Although not exactly a “bearding” situation, Rosie O’Donnell’s self-professed infatuation for Tom Cruise in the mid-90s on “The Rosie O’Donnell Show” helped mask her homosexuality from the stay at home mom crowd that formed the bulk of her viewership.

In 2016, actor Johnathon Schaech discussed in a Reddit interview taking Ellen DeGeneres on dates at the request of their shared manager because Ellen was scared no one would watch her show if it came out that she was lesbian.

Country singer Chely Wright dated fellow singer Brad Paisley in the early 2000s even though she’d just moved in with her female partner partially to use him as a beard and partially because of a belief that she’d have to settle into an unfulfilling heterosexual relationship to fill societal expectations.

But does bearding in Hollywood continue in this decade? Yes, although the participants are unlikely to admit it until years later at best. Although the Hays Code was replaced in 1968 and gay marriage has been legal since 2015, the drivers behind an individual choosing to beard (avoiding public scrutiny that would result in blackballing/loss of income, fear of rejection by family and friends, etc.) remain.

In 2013, Ellen Page filmed “The East” with Alexander Skarsgard. In June 2013, director Zal Batmanglij posted a picture of the two on Twitter, and as the UK’s Daily Mail describes it, “Cuddling up to each other as they kicked back in a San Francisco park, the Swedish actor could be seen planting a tender kiss on his girlfriend’s cheek as she reclined happily in his arms.” According to other press reports, the two had been “dating for almost a year,” with some going to the extent of reporting that they were already expecting their first child.

Unnamed representatives for both sides denied the two were dating at the time, and Page has not admitted to bearding specifically (though she admitted, “I’m tired of hiding. And I’m tired of lying by omission.”), but nevertheless, the picture certainly did not look platonic, and Page indirectly benefited from speculation that they were dating because it diverted attention from her sexual orientation before she came out publicly in February 2014.

Although Americans are more likely to be familiar with bearding by gay men (skepticism at “American Idol” singer Clay Aiken’s protestations of heterosexuality greatly exceeded credulity about them), rumors about Oprah being in a secret relationship with Gayle King and, to a much lesser extent, Dolly Parton and Judy Ogle, have shown astonishing resiliency over decades, suggesting that at least some Americans understand that some celebrity lesbians (if not actually Oprah and Dolly) still feel a need to remain closeted.

Historically, it is difficult to pinpoint whether relationships have been bearding relationships, because of the theory of fluidity in human sexuality.  For example, the singer Ricky Martin came out in 2010 as gay, but does that mean the women he dated in the 1990s were beards? Only they know. In January 2016, Rick told Mexican magazine Fama! that he likes both men and women.

Many people have claimed that Whitney Houston once dated her best friend Robyn Crawford, and her ex-husband Bobby Brown himself in his 2008 autobiography implied that Houston had used him as a beard to avoid speculation about her sexuality, but only Houston knew the full truth. Conversely, Sarah Paulson had only dated men before embarking on a relationship with actress Cherry Jones and then Holland Taylor, but as she identifies as bisexual, there’s no reason to believe her previous male partners, including playwright Tracy Letts, to whom she was engaged, were beards. Overall, often the public only finds out about a true bearding relationship retrospectively, after the individual comes out (or in some cases, dies).

One obvious but loaded question that follows from the continued practice of bearding is should lesbian actresses who are worried about their careers beard, or should they simply refuse to discuss their personal lives? The answer to that question is for another article.

The Secret Gay Life of Hollywood

Written by Yasmin Element. Posted in FUSE Features

 https://www.fusemagazine.com.au/index.php/articles/fuse-features/68-the-secret-gay-life-of-hollywood

Flashback! The Hollywood film industry has always had a high percentage of gay and lesbian employees, drawn to the theatre as a world of creativity, open mindedness and experimentation. Yet the hypocrisy is that as gay as Hollywood was (and is), actors have had to pretend that it isn’t.

Hollywood has a history where it welcomes and nurtures gay and lesbian lifestyle behind the scenes but has often gone to great pains to keep its queer little secret from the heterosexual viewing public. It all started during the early days of motion pictures. During the sexual revolution of 1920s there was ambivalence around gender roles and this was reflected in popular movies with icons like Valentino and Marlene Dietrich. But eventually the media started to make fun of these gender-bending characters. The very handsome Valentino (pictured below) held a number of public boxing matches to affirm his masculinity after the media named him the “pink powder puff”. Sadly it was wounds from one of these fights that ultimately lead to his death at only 31-years-old. At the time of his death he was romantically involved with

Leading man, Billy Haines was caught cavorting with a sailor at a downtown YMCA by police. His agent fired him and his acting career was over. This and a number of other sex scandals were exploited by the media and became the early days of the now rampant celebrity gossip columns. Needless to say it led the public to believe that there was a certain immorality in Hollywood and there was a public backlash.

In the 1950s the moral code became even stricter and gay actors and actresses lived in a culture of fear. Rock Hudson was one of the biggest stars of the time yet his homosexuality was concealed by the arranged marriage to his secretary. The marriage was short lived but Hudson’s sexuality and long term relationship with fellow actor Marc Christian was kept secret until his public announcement that he had contracted AIDS in the mid 1980s. Other big stars of the era rumoured to be gay or bisexual include: Cary Grant — who lived with fellow actor Randolph Scott for twelve years but repeatedly denied that they were a couple, even though many of the photographs depicting Scott and Grant at home and at play seem to obviously convey otherwise; James Dean — who has been linked with a number of gentlemen; and Joan Crawford — who loved women and allegedly even had a one night stand with Marilyn Monroe.

Women’s groups and religious groups warned Hollywood to clean up its act which led to the first cinematic classifications guidelines in 1933. These self regulated dos and don’ts were particularly harsh on sexuality, and especially homosexuality. The 1930s were the golden age of Hollywood and the birth of the STAR... but the fans were not getting the whole story. Studio contracts meant that a lot of money was riding on a particular actor’s reputation and damage control became de rigueur for agents who basically had complete control over celebrities lives. The stars were under very strict morals contracts that defined the way they dressed, how they behaved and of course who they dated. If they misbehaved they could be fined or put on suspension or, worst of all, be fired. The androgynous actors of the past were replaced by ultra masculine actors and feminine female leads. But of course this in no way reflected their actual sexual persuasion. So to enforce their public heterosexual image, studios conducted elaborate arranged “lavender” marriages for gay actors — the classic example being Barbara Stanwyck and Robert Salem, whose false union was mutually beneficial for concealing both actors true sexuality.

Surprisingly, the sexual liberation of the 1960s and 70s had little effect on the secretive nature of Hollywood. Although films like Midnight Cowboy began to push the sexual envelope and homosexuality as a subject began to appear in movies, it was still a big no-no for any actor to actually be gay.

And not much has changed today. With all the gay themed movies, popular gay characters and even a handful of out actors around, Hollywood still operates the same way with many actors and actresses questionable sexuality splashed across the tabloids like it was a bad thing. And sadly it does genuinely seem to affect their careers.

When Pee Wee Herman’s Paul Ruebens was busted by cops taking things into his own hands in a gay porn cinema, his career was over. But when leading British heartthrob, Hugh Grant was caught cheating on his girlfriend Elizabeth Hurley with cheap street-hooker, Divine Brown, it not only didn’t lower his popularity but it actually quashed those hushed gay rumours and cemented his image as a ladies’ man. The message here is clear: career-wise, it’s much better to have a straight sex scandal than a gay sex scandal.

Apparently the majority hetero viewing public need to be able to relate to their leading men and women and need to believe on some level that they could be romantically involved with them — even though the chances of that are virtually nought, no matter what their sexual preference. The irony is that there are now many gay characters in films. Yet strangely, whereas thirty years ago a straight actor would be risking his career playing a gay role, it is now considered a benchmark of their talent and almost guarantees them an Oscar nomination.

But sadly for openly gay actors like Rupert Everett and Ellen DeGeneres, their repertoire is limited. It’s ok for a straight man to play a gay role but it’s not ok for a gay man to play a straight role. Tom Hanks cast in Philadelphia made the audience feel comfortable with the subject matter — but Anne Heche in a romance with Harrison Ford in Six Days and Seven Nights? Forget it! The theory is still that actors will alienate their audience if they are gay and it will cut box office takings in half. It’s like how they used to paint up white actors and hire them to play coloured roles, but now we find that un-pc. Will we someday think heterosexual actors playing gay characters is un-pc? And will the heterosexual audience ever be enlightened enough to cope with gays playing straight roles? Until that shift in consciousness occurs, most gay and lesbian actors will remain in the closet. Things can go on behind closed doors but the Hollywood establishment will do everything they can to see to it that the real facts about Hollywood never become so public that they will affect the business of Hollywood.

[a-new-lesbian-flag-blog]

It’s Lesbian Visibility Day– Lesbians Deserve An Inclusive, Easily Reproduced, and Symbolic Flag to Stand Under!

Oh boy, yet another flag proposal... What’s wrong with the flags that already exist, anyway??

No decently circulated lesbian flag currently meets all of the standards that must be met to make a pride flag great– a pride flag design needs to be inclusive, easily reproduced, and symbolic to be able to become a widespread, representative icon of a community!

What’s wrong with the labrys design? 

The labrys design was created in 1999 by a gay man. Having a lesbian flag that wasn’t even created by a lesbian is a glaring issue by itself, but a second reason many lesbians have rejected this flag is because of its association with TERFs, which stand for Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists, a group of people that do not believe trans people are the gender they identify as, and wish to exclude trans people, especially trans women, from the LGBT community and feminist movements. 

What’s wrong with the seven striped pink flag design? 

This flag design is made almost entirely out of very specific shades of pink. These shades are extremely hard to translate into physical dyes, fabrics, and other materials used to create pride designs, causing the flag to be inaccessible to many people. Also, the flag was originally intended to be representative only of lipstick lesbians– many lesbians do not identify with this flag because of the very feminine design as many lesbians do not subscribe to traditional feminine roles and presentation. Also, the creator of this flag has made many racist, butchphobic, and biphobic comments on her personal blog, which is yet another reason why an increasingly large portion of the lesbian community has rejected this flag. 

What about this flag with the orange on top and pink at the bottom? 

I really appreciate this flag for its goal to step away from the exclusive femininity of the ‘lipstick lesbian’ flag and incorporate some deeper symbolism into the design. But there are still some issues with it that remain– one of which is that it does not fix the issue of accessibility/ease of reproduction. The shades of orange and pink are still extremely similar to each other which again, makes it very hard to replicate with dyes/fabrics/other materials. Not even the five-striped variation of the flag fixes this, as the shades of orange and pink are still very specific and are still two different shades of the same color. A pride flag needs to be able to be replicated with limited material options in order for it to be fully accessible and become widespread in the community and beyond. There is also the issue that the two-tone design of the flag is mainly meant to represent butches/femmes. Butch and femme culture is absolutely an extremely important and historical aspect of the lesbian community– but it is not everything the community encompasses. There are many lesbians that do not identify with butch/femme, and this flag leaves those people out. 

What about any other design already out there? 

This is not meant to be a bash on any individuals that have taken the initiative and courage to propose their own designs to the community– the community-wide effort to design a new lesbian flag is what inspired my own! But no proposed flag I’ve ever seen out there has met all three criteria that is needed to make a pride flag successful and widespread, and those are again, inclusivity, ease of reproduction, and symbolism. 

Okay, what’s this new flag look like? 

Many things were considered in the design process of this flag. 

It could not be overly feminine (no major focus on pink, no pastel shades)

It needed to be easily reproduced (no multiple shades of colors, no obscure colors, no complex symbols)

 It needed to incorporate historical and cultural symbolism in every design element (more on that later)

It would not focus solely on one aspect of the lesbian community (not just on femininity, not just on butch/femme, et cetera.)

What do the stripes symbolize? 

Red, embodying passion and bravery– our loud voices and larger-than-life legacies, our bullheadedness and righteousness, our anger and joy and liveliness that is infused in every facet of the lesbian community, and every soul that calls themselves a part of it. 

Orange for integrity and hearth; our wholeness despite the notion that a woman's life is incomplete without a man, as well as the home and sense of belonging we find in our identity and community. It is rejecting the notion that lesbians are cold, harsh, and untrustworthy. This stereotype is especially aimed at butch/masculine presenting lesbians, which is why the stripe also represents butches. 

White symbolizes our inherent rejection of dichotomy in multiple senses of the word. Lesbians are not tied to the patriarchal and heteronormative standard of male versus female in our relationships, lifestyles, or identities. We reject traditional standards of both masculinity and femininity to instead establish our own unique methods of presentation and identity that cannot be tied to a binary norm. It also rejects the notion that lesbian love is automatically dirtier and more lustful than heterosexual love. It is not a coincidence that the purity stripe also represents trans and nonbinary lesbians– this is rejecting the notion that the lesbianism of trans and nonbinary individuals is somehow invalid, lesser or diluted compared to the lesbianism of a cis woman. In the current political climate surrounding many lesbian circles today, I found it more necessary than ever to impress the fact that trans and nonbinary lesbians are just as representative of the lesbian community as cis lesbians, and their inclusion is critical in honoring and acknowledging the community at large.

Purple, the color of violets and lavender, for our history: our lesbian predecessors who dedicated their lives in making the achievements of today possible, our traditions and symbols that have been passed on, redefined, and expressed through every new generation. The purple stripe acknowledges the contributors to lesbian achievement of yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Black– resilience and certainty, grounding our identities and community in the foundation of knowing we are exactly where we are meant to be in life, and that our identities are an inherent, permanent, and powerful facet of who we are as human beings. It rejects the notion that lesbians are confused or unstable in their identity, or that they are wrong or broken for not loving men. It also rejects the notion that a “gay lifestyle” is inherently unstable or unsustainable– lesbians are just as capable of marrying, settling, and living comfortably and happily as a straight person is.

I really like this flag! What can I do to support it? 

Spread it any way you can! 

Reblog this post! Non-lesbians are absolutely welcome to– in order to make a pride flag universally known, it has to be seen by *all* members of the community!

Make the flag your profile picture! (I will make free edits of the flag with any character/icon/other pride flag upon request! Just send an ask! Examples of edits I’ve done previously will be posted on this blog soon!)

Go to the twitter and instagram for the flag! 

Like/retweet/repost the flag on your accounts!

Make irl pride art and show it off! 

Tell your friends! 

I hereby release this design of a new lesbian flag into the public domain. Anyone may reproduce, distribute, or use the flag design, including selling merchandise for profit! The last thing I want to happen is for the circulation of this flag to end up entirely based on one social media platform or occur strictly online. I intend for this flag to be able to be displayed and flown in online and real life spaces alike, by lesbians of all different backgrounds, experiences, cultures, locations, and ages. 

Finally, there is a website that goes even further into describing the design process behind the flag and the symbolism incorporated into it! All the information about the flag has been included on this website so all anyone needs to do to help spread the word is share this link!!!   

❤️❤️❤️ Lesbians deserve a flag that represents *all* of us and can be spread to be seen by the entire community! I need YOUR help in making this flag known! Thank you so much for your time in reading and your support! ❤️❤️❤️