#the sheer variety… i feel like it’s obvious that i just . Need To Create

[bright-and-burning]

i finish writing a fic and the itch to make things STILL does not go away?? rude.

[emilybeemartin]

A whopping, like, 2.6 people have expressed interest in my recent adventures in watching Bean films, which is all the encouragement I need to present to you:

An Incomplete Guide to Sean Bean Roles (Investigation Ongoing)

Our guy has a vast filmography, and I'm not even close to being halfway through it, but I've watched a lot of his significant ones in the past few weeks thanks to a perfect storm of illness, injury, and lapses in client work. Crucially, I have created superlatives for a variety of them and present them here for your benefit. Disclaimer: many of these films are violent! Or have butts and/or tits! Some have dick! Some have dated bits that didn't age well! So, if you have triggers or are watching with young viewers, do your research first! Also, these are just the opinions of one solitary millennial! Nothing is objective! Nothing is real! I care not!

Okay, CYA done, let's begin. I'll get the two most obvious ones out of the way up front, otherwise they'll dominate half the categories:

ACT I

Greatest Bean: Fellowship of the Ring. I've said it before and I'll say it again, he achieved more pathos with Boromir than a lot of his other roles have allowed for, and every note he hits just sings. No debate.

Best Bean for Your Buck: Sharpe. For the best confluence of quantity, quality, physicality, emotion, humor, and action, you can't beat Richard Sharpe.

Favorite Dramatic Bean: Time; he earned that BAFTA fr

Softest Bean: The first date scene in Stormy Monday, where Brendan shyly gets to know Kate, slow dances with her, lends her a shirt and strokes her back after she asks if they can just go to sleep instead of have sex.

Most Dashing Bean: Vronsky in Anna Karenina, that uniform cuts, damn

Swooniest Bean: I know I'm supposed to say Chatterley, and he is undeniably sexy as Mellors, but there are parts where his character is actually kind of off-putting. I'll lay a good chunk of the blame on the weirdly ominous score, the very of-the-time depiction of dubious consent, and Joely Richardson's tendency to look like she's having the worst time of her life while shagging the hot gamekeeper. No, I'm giving this category to Stormy Monday again. He's just so gentle and genuine in this one, without some of the obligatory "heartthrob" overtones of his nineties stuff. He never raises his voice at Kate or manhandles her. He really does feel like some kid who just wants to be sweet to his girlfriend.

Laddiest Bean: When Saturday Comes, specifically the strip club and bathtub scenes.

Favorite Sad Bean: As a collective, he has some great grief scenes in World on Fire, but! The railroad track scene in When Saturday Comes?! That was RAW.

Favorite Mad Bean: Black Death; there are plenty of movies where he doesn't smile at all, but unlike some others, his grimness and anger felt proportionate to the story, rather than just rage because he's good at rage.

Favorite Bad Bean: There are so many great Bean villains (Goldeneye, obvs), but I think my favorite is Patriot Games. Bonus points for all the different hairstyles he has in this film (long locks-shag-shag ponytail!-buzz-wet spiky buzz). Also HUGH FRASER AAAA

Favorite Dad Bean: Wolfwalkers, where Bill Goodfellowe literally turns his own convictions and beliefs upside-down in order to protect and support his daughter.

INTERMISSION

A note on GoT: I haven't watched it. When season one was first coming out, it was during a time where I really couldn't handle watching any kind of sexual assault onscreen, and while I have a higher tolerance now, I just... don't want to. I like seeing gifs of Ned Stark and appreciate that it's one of his great roles, but I just can't make myself take the plunge.

ilysm you grizzled dead wolf man

ACT II

Favorite Costumed Bean: Odysseus in Troy: curls, leather, thighs.

Favorite Un-Costumed Bean: He strips in quite a lot of his films, so let's give it to Lady Chatterley for sheer screentime, exertion, and the bonus of being naked and wearing a flower crown. Honorable mention to When Saturday Comes for the totally not homoerotic amount of butts and also dick in the locker room bathtub scene.

Hurtin'est Bean: Bravo Two Zero. Oof, don't watch this one if you have an aversion to seeing pain, although---you're a Sean Bean fan, and we all know one of his MOs is being GREAT at pain. This one was directed by Tom Clegg, who directed Sharpe. Also lol at the sickle-shaped wound on his shoulder, which is covering his 100% Blade tattoo (he gets a lot of sickle-shaped wounds on his left shoulder).

Best Inside References: The Frankenstein Chronicles, where he plays a former Peninsular soldier, and every reference to his service is a reference to Sharpe, including shots of his greenjacket, pistol, sword, and flogging scars. Honorable mention to The Martian for the Council of Elrond line.

Most Unsettling Bean: Cleanskin for moral grayness, The Frankenstein Chronicles for body horror

Most Inefficient Use of Bean: Black Beauty. Despite getting high billing he's only onscreen for about two minutes and I'm convinced the long shots are a body double. Criminal.

Biggest Missed Opportunity: We were robbed of a Sean Bean Odyssey. R o b b e d

Funniest Bean: Deploying Bean for comedy is woefully underused, but he made full use of his ~15 seconds in The Vicar of Dibley ("Spring" episode). He's also hilarious in Wasted, though I haven't watched the show, only the clips he's in on YouTube, where he plays a mock version of himself serving as a spirit guide for a stoner. IMO, though, Sharpe gives him the most room for humor.

Favorite Character Quirk: In World on Fire, when Douglas is having WWI flashbacks and really coming apart, he kept putting his hand to his mouth. My modern brain first read this as talking into a phantom radio, but of course that wasn't right, and then I realized--he was reaching for a phantom gas mask. CHILLS. AMAZING. (Honorable mentions to the Mouth Rub and the Tongue Thing [pictured above]).

Most Nostalgic Bean: National Treasure. The concept may be utter silliness, but you have to admit, this is a fun movie to watch.

Best Dismount from a Horse: Henry VIII, he goes pshwing out of the saddle

Best Swordplay: You may think there's no possible answer to this, but there is---two moments, specifically: the preparatory sword-spin he does at Balin's tomb just before the goblin attack in Moria, and the four lunges he does at 1:26:22 of Sharpe's Battle. It's just facts.

Prettiest Bean Film: Wolfwalkers, hands downnnn

Favorite Bean Death: All right, you knew we had to eventually end here. It's Boromir, obviously--- nothing tops that. But if we're looking at other roles, I think Patriot Games is my favorite, followed by Goldeneye.

So! That concludes this installment of Bean films, though I'll be continuing the labor, and I hope you will, too. What are your favorites?

[twisted-crumpets]

Could i request the first kiss with fem!mc but with the vice dorm leaders, please? The other one was so good! 💕 Thankyou

Ayyyyy of course I can and welcome.

Also thank you for the kind words I really do appreciate them. 🖤

━━ Trey Clover ━━

Trey was always pretty observant and soon noticed how his feelings may not be as unrequited as he previously believed.

Pink blushes and eyes dreamily locked onto each other’s for too long was sort of a dead giveaway. However, Trey wished to formally explain his feelings for his S/O.

Unfortunately, an Unbirthday Party was coming up and whilst all of the treats were made, the roses were a far cry from done and Cater begged anyone who’d listen for help.

Hearing the third year’s desperate pleas, his darling decided to meet up with Trey so they could both tackle as many roses as possible.

The job wasn’t completely unpleasant, yes they both would rather be doing something perhaps a bit more enjoyable, but they both treasured each other’s company and the small talk was rather entertaining.

It wasn’t long before it finally clicked in Trey’s mind that they were alone and peered down at the girl who was honing her all into making a stubborn rose red.

“S/O, I’m sure you are well aware but I just wanted to say.. I love you.”

His darling nodded at first before taking a violent double take and glancing at Trey baffled and red at his casual confession.

“Hmm~ was it not obvious already? I would’ve thought you already knew.”

Teasingly chuckling at her, he pressed a gentle kiss against her crimson cheek, unable to hide his smirk. Cupping her warm face in his hands, he looked deep into her eyes to ask for permission before pressing his lips against hers.

The kiss was long and warm. It filled them both with a feeling of home and and comfort and neither of them wanted to leave.

Eventually, Trey pulled away, poking her still red face with his finger, unable to wipe his former smirk off of his face at her bashfulness.

The garden may not have been very finished, but they couldn’t care less when they had one another in their arms.

━━ Ruggie Bucchi ━━

Ruggie was worried. He always knew that he wanted to eventually confess how he feels to his love, but he knew that with essentially no money, he had limited resources.

Sneaking money out of Leona’s wallet little by little, Ruggie began to feel more confident in finding the perfect inspiration or possible gift for his beloved. As he stood in Sam’s shop, he felt a deep sense of regret for not just stealing a necklace to sell instead.

Prices so high it made him dizzy in the head and weak in the knees. Despair lingering in his chest.

That is, until he saw Trey buying some eggs which caused an idea take root in his mind. Baking was something couples did often and it did sound rather romantic. Plus, who was he to deny spending time with his love and filling his stomach for delicious doughnuts?

After class, S/O was nearly tackled to the floor by the blur that was Ruggie who had a strong determined look twinkling in his eyes.

“Shishishi sorry about that... hey! Uh before you go, I’ve been asked to make some treats by Leona, but I barely know much about it. Do you mind giving me a hand?”

Tentatively, his S/O nodded her head, eyebrow raised in bewilderment before parting ways, delighted and perplexed.

Making her way to the kitchen, she began to wonder what was in store. The hyena loved to play pranks, maybe he had one in store for her?

It was however a great relief to see the cheeky student frowning at the recipe as if it was in another language.

His ears cutely twitching hearing her giggles, his head shooting up and with a grin so wide that it could’ve split his face in two adorned on his face.

Hours passed and she couldn’t deny that the evening was very gratifying, with the happy chatter and raucous laughter that filled the room. When doing a count of the doughnuts that were laid out on her tray, she soon noticed one had gone missing and quickly informed Ruggie, teasingly questioning him about its whereabouts.

“Shishishi ahhhh S/O this has been gone for ages~~ you are too easy to trick!”

Placing it back on the tray, she observed the design on the surface, eyes widening to the size of dinner plates after resist to messy “I love you” scrawled onto the surface of the small treat.

Cooing at the sweet gesture, she wrapped her arms around the trickster and softly responded to his feelings, immediately feeling him let out a gigantic sigh of relief.

Pulling away slightly, she stared at his lips entranced before finally connecting them, a cute yelp escaping from the boy.

The kiss was sugary sweet and fluffy and many more was stolen by the playful thief, accompanied by booming laughter and warm doughnuts.

━━ Jade Leech ━━

The Monstro Lounge has always been a rather busy establishment and had many a particularly busy day. Today seemed to be one of them as the orders kept piling up and showed no signs of stopping. Tireless hours catering and cleaning, until finally the crowd has thinned until the room was empty once more and the Lounge was finally closed.

Weary and stressed, Jade decided to go to the school pool and unwind. The tranquil silence flooded the room and Jade slowly sank into the room watery depths, feeling himself becoming truly serene. Which was sadly interrupted by voices from above calling his name.

With a slightly irritated sigh, he heaved himself onto the pool’s edge, scanning his surroundings with narrowed eyes. That was until they befell onto his love and instantaneously softened.

“Oya? What are you doing here S/O? Surely it is due time for you to be back in your dorm?”

His stomach suddenly felt light and filled with his butterflies learning of his dearest’s concern for him and slowly shut his eyes, not expecting her to stay and hurried rush a variety of sentences jammed together creating one love fuelled mess.

Disheartened by the lack of reply, she went to leave, slightly embarrassed before she was stopped by a cool hand wrapped around her wrist, revealling a slightly pink Jade.

“I must inform you that your feelings are not unrequited.. I love you too, my flower.”

Tugging her wrist to kneel by the pool side, he tilted his head upwards and connected their lips, completely intoxicated by the contrast between their bodies.

Gasping for air, his darling didn’t notice the toothy smile spread across Jade’s face as he pulled her into the pool, wrapping her arms around his neck and connecting their lips once more.

Addictive kisses were stolen and exchanged and neither of them could ever wish for more as they melted into one another, hearts swelling with every touch.

━━ Jamil Viper ━━

Jamil was ready to pass out. His usual menial chores were increased tenfold as a result of Kalim and his impulsive decision to let his wild pets roam free inside the dorm.

The chaos of the day finally reaching its end, Jamil dragged himself towards his room, ready to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Until, he set his eyes on his love sat patiently on his bed, instantly brightening and then furrowing her eyebrows in worry over the fatigue that seemed to radiate from every part of his body.

Ushering him to bed hurriedly, Jamil fought every urge to sleep as he inquired about why she waited for him at such a late hour.

When hearing her admit her worry for him, he scoffed and gently flicked her nose, thankful for the darkness of the room hiding the pink that was painted across his cheeks.

“That was rather foolish of you. This is my job and has always been, you don’t need to worry for me.”

He softened at her indignant whines of protest he brought her into a warm hug and sleepily murmured his feelings into her hair, blissfully unaware of what he just said until he felt his beloved stiffen up in his arms.

“Hmmmmm.... I love you, you know that right, Jewel?”

Calmly he apologised, unable to hide the slight disheartenment in his tone which left him as soon as he heard her shyly repeat his previous words.

Cradling her face, he pressed his lips to hers in a small tired kiss, lips moving in sync lazily. Tiredly pulling away, Jamil crawled under his covers and gestured for her to follow suite as he pressed his warm frame against hers and held her back close to his chest. His heart thumping wildly in joy, his brain still struggling to process the sheer amount of love he holds for his beloved.

“Goodnight my Jewel, I will wake you up in the morning.”

━━ Rook Hunt ━━

Rook had been acting suspicious. He already did have a shady appeal to him, but it was even more apparent than usual.

Whenever he appeared before her, his scent began to be rather sweet and fragrant and his hands where always stained green.

It didn’t help that he kept staring intently at his love like she was the last star in the sky, and despite his usual romantic bravado, this new behaviour screamed at her that he was planning something.

During the lunch break, Rook eagerly bounced up to her, hearts almost visible in his eyes, asking if she was free after school. Taken aback by his suddenness, she stood and stared for a while trying to gather her bearings. Agreeing apprehensively, she couldn’t hide the curiousity filling her eyes.

Upon hearing her reply, he could’ve sworn he entered heaven.

He almost launched her to the botanical garden, his heart running marathons, his mind a mess of thought out poems combining into one chaotic choir of infatuation.

With happiness radiating in every step, he took her to an picturesque area where an archway of orchids greeted them.

“Dear S/O, no amount of words could possibly describe how much my heart swoons for you, my love for you is as bountiful as the sea, encasing me in your radiance. This simple archway is a humble tribute to your golden heart, which I hope to one day own.”

Going weak at the knees at such a heartfelt confession, she responded with such excitability that could have put his to shame.

A stronger sense of devotion was glowing in the hunter’s eyes as he wrapped his toned arms around his love, span her in a circle, holding her close to his heart and kissed her with immense passion.

The kiss was fiery and warm and his darling could feel themselves melt even further into him.

The kiss went deeper and deeper, drowning them both.

Pulling away, Rook panted for air and presses his forehead against her’s.

“Hehe, ma bichette, our love seems to truly be written in the stars.” *

━━ Lilia Vanrouge ━━

Lilia was always very mysterious, but it truly did reach new levels of strange.

The mischievous fae had planned to hang out with his S/O a week in advance and seemed to be up to no good, with the telltale glint in his eyes being a dead giveaway.

Meeting up with his darling at her dormitory, he placed a hand on the small of her back, and began to lead her into the forest.

“Kufufufu I believe that in order for our small rendezvous to be truly enjoyable, one must insist for their guest to close their eyes and have faith in their partner. “

Apprehensively, she placed both hands into Lilia’s cold and calloused hands, shivering slightly at the temperature different between the two and closed her eyes, making her more aware of the sounds the dark forest created.

Sweet bird song and the light windy breeze clashed together in perfect harmony, gifting her the ability to completely relax and put her faith in the impish boy.

It felt as though they both had been walking for a millennia until she was finally stopped in her tracks, and the giggling from the man who was once before her turned silent.

Curiously, she opened her eyes and gasped in amazement. The scenery around her being nothing short of magnificent.

The moon had begun to peak out and painted the trees a beautiful silver. Small delicate beads of light flickering around, illuminating the forest gracefully.

Slowly turning around, she jumped at the sight of the usually talkative fae, quietly smiling lovingly at the innocent joy on his lover’s face.

“Sweet dove, the words I utter now are the words you are the true emotions that have taken flight within me. I love you. No, love isn’t enough, it scarcely passes as sufficient enough. There is no word that exists within any of the dictionaries in all the world that could possibly describe how much I cherish every part of you.”

Hearing her acceptance towards his feelings, he giggled so purely it reminded her of tinkling bells and elegantly dipped her, gazing at her loving expression that was aimed at no one but him and pressed his lips smoothly against hers.

He could’ve sworn that nothing fit quite so perfectly as the two of them, lips moving in sync, hearts beating a thunderous rhythm, joy and mirth beaming through their lovestruck grins.

*my doe

Thank you for this request and sorry it took a while, I was struggling with getting some of the characters right. I tried to make each confession specially tailored to how each character would go about love.

I hope you enjoyed your meal!

[1rintooru]

Little Agreements

Pairing: teacher! Sugawara Koshi x gn! reader

Themes: fluff, enemies to lovers 

Word Count: 2k one-shot

Warnings: light swearing - that’s all!

Summary: You and Sugawara are rival teachers at a reputable elementary school. Even though you can hardly stand each other, your students have started shipping you together and it’s just awfully annoying! Little do they know, you’ve been keeping a secret from them the entire time.

a/n: teacher suga is good suga... this was so fun to write and purely self-indulgent - i can't get him outta my fat brain🥴 but enjoy anyways..!

You clicked your pen once. Twice. Three times. Perhaps to an outsider it would appear that you were annoyed – impatient even, but you knew it was nothing more than a habit, much like the restless tapping of your foot or improper care kept to personal belongings. You eyed the worn-down mathematics book that was currently being hastily shoved into a backpack, the spine barely keeping the pages glued together.

“Looks like you’re all set to go,” you proclaimed, putting down your pen and eyeing the student in front you. The boy beamed, yanking the zipper of his backpack shut and throwing it over his shoulder.

“Couldn’t have done it without ya, teach!”

You nodded and smiled appreciatively. You were flattered but you couldn’t take all the credit. The boy you were tutoring for a couple weeks now always claimed he didn’t care for school; you still remembered how he once told you that sports were ‘where it’s at’ – whatever that meant. However, the improved grades paired with the purple shadows under his eyes told you an entirely different story. He’d made his way to the door, his hand already grasping the handle before turning around, an impish grin plastered on his face.

“Even though you and Sugawara-sensei are cute together, we’re still gonna beat your butts!”

You bolted out of your seat and glowered at the young boy.

“Don’t you have other classes to tend to?”

He smirked at your chagrin.

“I’ll see ya around!” he shouted, sending you a quick a wave goodbye before finally leaving the room. You plopped back into your seat upon hearing the door close behind the student, rubbing your temple discontentedly.

Ah. Of course.

How could you forget the school speed quiz? It was an annual event that the school implemented three years ago as a means to motivate students and raise class scores. The idea was that a group of children would be chosen to represent their class and be quizzed on a variety of subjects – the questions becoming increasingly difficult as the game progressed. At the time you sneered at the idea and even complained to the school director that it would only waste funds and resources. Now you were glad that he didn’t listen to you, though he could have skipped laughing in your face. With that being said, the event was a double-edged sword. It made you incredibly happy and filled you with pride seeing students find the joy in learning again, but on the other hand it only exacerbated the teasing comments from the students. They adored seeing you two together and you never could quite wrap your head around it. After all, you and Sugawara were rivals.

Your eyes darted down to your wristwatch: fifteen minutes left until next period. Not a whole lot of time, but just enough to shotgun a coffee and have snack in the solace of the staffroom. You hurriedly tidied the mess on your desk, arranging everything to your liking for the next class before finally stepping out into the bustling commotion of the school hallway. Excited chitter-chatter and non-discreet gossip filled halls as you found yourself surrounded by young children. Each face was familiar and you could have assigned a name to every single one. Even the tall one with fluffy gray hair and gentle brown eyes with the recognizable birthmark.

Wait, no – that’s no child; that’s Sugawara.

He walked towards you with a pep in his step and a bright grin, parting the busy hallway like Moses as students stared at him slack-jawed and awestruck. He was the school celebrity, proven by the sheer number of students that called out to him as he passed – and he loved it. You tried to swerve around him, but it was surprisingly difficult to escape through a sea of grade schoolers.

Damn it, just when you were looking forward to that coffee!

“Here, like I promised.”

Sugawara’s voice rang clearly as he firmly pressed a stack of essays into your hands, the weight of the stack momentarily catching you off guard. Your eyes instinctively scanned the first page laying on top. As per usual, your students performed well in academic pursuits but that wasn’t what bothered you.

“Green glitter gel pen?” you teased, lifting an eyebrow questioningly.

His hazel eyes gleamed confidently. “Hey, we agreed that I would help grade assignments that you couldn’t catch up on – you never said I couldn’t use my colored pens!” He mirrored your teasing lilt before continuing. “Besides, from a psychological standpoint the color green is more uplifting and motivational than a harsh red.”

He wasn’t entirely wrong. You both had agreed that you would tutor his students in mathematics and sciences while he would help grade assignments to take some of the workload off your plate. But that didn’t make his claim any more convincing and it only made you roll your eyes disparagingly.

“That pseudo-science is why I’m the one tutoring your students.”

“Geez, point made Y/N!” he scratched his head embarrassedly, the other hand defensively creating a barrier between the two of you.

“Y/L/N,” you quickly corrected him.

Sugawara’s posture visibly deflated at the curtness of your words. As mature and gentle as he was, he had a tendency to have his heart on his sleeve. You felt a little guilty and even considered saying something to mince your words, but the opportunity was stolen from you as a group of young girls skipped past, snickering as they went.

“Oh my god, Y/L/N-sensei and Suga-senpai are flirting again!”

Your secure stance faltered as the unsuspecting comment hit you like a brick, nearly making you drop all your papers. Sugawara’s eyebrow quirked upwards, thoroughly amused by your loss of composure. You hoped that the heat you felt in your face couldn’t be seen from the outside as you gingerly smoothed out the folds of your sweater.

“Suga-senpai?”

Sugawara’s playful grin immediately dropped as he noticed the daggers you glared at him.

“Huh?! A-ah it’s not like I told them to call me that! It – it just kinda happened.”

Seeing him so flustered would normally have made you smile, but you weren’t going to give him any kind of reassurance. Besides, it would have only worked as ammunition for privy students stalking your conversation. So instead, you simply shook your head, an exasperated sigh just barely escaping from your pursed lips.

“Well, if you don’t mind, I have a coffee waiting for me – and you have recess duty, have you already forgotten? So, if you’ll excuse me.”

You gave him a patronizing poke on the shoulder as you moved past him, beelining towards the staffroom.

The two of you were so vastly different in your teaching methods. You took your work seriously and prided yourself in the academic success of your students – your class always scored extraordinarily well. You were stern but incredibly ambitious and dedicated to your craft. Sure, Sugawara was popular with the kids, but playing the role as best friend wasn’t going to help them pass their classes. You failed to understand why most of the schoolchildren were obsessed with you two being an intimate couple; even prior to the school speed quiz event the two of you were rivals. His laissez-faire teaching methods didn’t mesh well with your own – in fact, you resented them. That’s why it was akin to pouring salt into a fresh wound when each year your respective classes tied during the annual event.

You decided to ignore the thought. This year was going to be different.

****

Oh, how you loved being the one responsible for cleanup duty.

At least, that’s what you would say if it weren’t that you were the only one responsible for cleanup duty.

As you watched one of your students – a petite girl with long dark hair – collect a pile of dirt into a plastic dustpan, you began to wonder how Sugawara roped you into this. Again. You and him had a lot of agreements, for the sake of professionalism of course, but this was not one of them. The school day seemed to drudge on forever and you were not spared from any incessant comments, even in its final moments. Ironically, one of your pupils turned into somewhat of a teacher as they explained to you what ‘shipping’ and ‘OTP’ meant.

Why on earth would they consider you and Sugawara something like that?

You dismissed the remaining students after carefully examining the room. The floors were cleaned and the whiteboard was spotless, but the wastebasket hadn’t been emptied and the desk arrangement was crooked. It wasn’t exactly up to par with how you usually left the room, but you were no heathen and you noticed just how lethargic everyone was becoming.

You also needed to find a certain someone that deserved to be chewed out.

That certain someone was found in the school’s gymnasium, excitedly talking to the school volleyball team that was retiring for the night. The frustration you felt immediately melted once you saw how animated Sugawara became as you overheard his motivational tangent. His passion was infectious and easily fired up the young boys in yellow and blue jerseys listening to him.

Was this where Sugawara always disappeared off to?

It was a silly question, really. Seeing him zealously offer game strategies with the biggest grin on his face made the answer obvious. You cleared your throat, suddenly feeling awkward as all the children – and Sugawara – turned to face you. The boy you had tutored earlier today, now clad in a yellow jersey spoke first.

“Well teach, did ya know that Sugawara-sensei was a volleyball player in high school too? He was a setter, believe it or not!”

You could only stare dumbfounded as your eyes bounced back and forth between the braggadocious athlete and a proudly grinning Sugawara. The lack of response on your end began to unnerve the gray-haired man as the corners of his mouth began to twitch downwards and his eyes glossed over with doubt.

You shrugged, “I don’t really see it, honestly.”

The both of them gasped in unison. The young teen stared at you dumbstruck – his jaw would’ve hit the floor if it could, while Sugawara staggered backwards as if a spear had punctured him in the chest.

“She’s a tough cookie, Sugawara-sen–” the teen’s underhanded comment earned him a swift kick from his teacher.

“Well, I think it’s time to call it a night. How about we tidy up and retire for the evening?”

And just like that, Sugawara had roped you into another cleaning duty. Thankfully the volleyball team was still so fired up from his speech earlier that the tidying up went by remarkably fast. Eventually you and him stood alone in the building, after finally saying your goodbyes to the remaining kids.

He looked at you and cocked his head to the side, to which you nodded in response. Perhaps it was a simple unspoken agreement or maybe it was just a force of habit to head home together. Regardless, it was hard to imagine it any other way.

The cool autumn air greeted you the moment you stepped out of the gymnasium. Goosebumps pricked your skin as a crisp autumn breeze embraced you, sending a shiver down your spine. The sky had turned into a watercolor of fiery oranges and deep purples as evening drew closer. You glanced over to Sugawara, nestled in the layers of his scarf and his hands hidden in the pockets of his coat.

“Do you have regrets?”

Sugawara paused, brown and orange leaves twirled with the wind just short before his feet, but that wasn’t what stopped him. He was clearly perplexed by your question.

“Regrets?” He scrunched his nose as though the word itself repulsed him. He dug his hands deeper into the depths of his pockets and his features visibly softened as he pulled out a golden ring. It gleamed magnificently as the rays of the setting sun reflected off the band. Seeing him fit the ring snugly onto his finger prompted you to do the same, pulling out the velvet pouch that protected the ring within it. Sugawara smiled as he watched you slip the ring on, fondness etched into his features as he extended his hand towards you. You happily obliged and entangled your fingers in his.

“How could I ever have regrets with the life I have now?”

[writingwithcolor]

Mixing North America with Old World Cultures in Fantasy: What Are The Issues?

So I sent in an ask several years ago that, due in no small part to your response, I have grown from and eventually led to a complete restructuring of my story. I included a measure of context in this, so if you need to skip it, my main three questions are at the bottom. I think this mostly applies to Mod Lesya.

The new setting is both inspired by and based on North America in the late 1400s where the indigenous cultures thrive and are major powers on the continent. Since there is no “Europe” in this setting the colonization and plague events never happened. Within the continent itself (since it is a fantasy setting) there are also analogous cultures that resemble Norse, Central European, Persian, Arabic, Indian, and Bengali. Although not native to the fantasy continent, there is also a high population of ‘African’ and ‘Oceanic’ peoples of many cultures, the latter usually limited to coastal cities as traders and sailors. Elves are entirely not-human, or at least evolved parallel to humans ala Neanderthals/Denisovans; they have green blood, black sclera, and skin tones that run from pale to dark. 

The main national setting of the story takes great inspiration from a Byzantine/Turkish/Mississippian background, and the neighboring nations are based on the Haudenosee (Iriquois Confederacy), Numunuu (Comancheria), and the Hopi and Zuni (as the descendants of the Ancestral Puebloans) (I also know that 2 of these 3 occur much later than the 1400s, but I love the government systems and they provide excellent narrative foils for the more ‘traditional’ fantasy government that takes place in the story). The Maya inhabit the role analogous to Ancient Greece in that most writing systems on the continent descend from Maya script and all the Great Philosophers were Maya (and nobility from across the continent spend lots of money to send their children to schools in the Maya City-States or in the Triple Alliance (Aztec Empire)). There is magic with varying traditions, practices, and methods spread across the continent, some of which are kept secret from outsiders, so I would hope that this avoids the “Magical Native” trope. 

Beyond the setting, I have three main questions:

When it comes to foodstuffs, I was originally planning to limit myself to Pre-Columbian cuisine from the Americas (eg the Three Sisters and potatoes) but in doing my research, Navajo fry-bread seems to be a fairly integral part of the food culture and that does require flour, which originated in the Old World. Would it be better to incorporate some of the Old World stuff that has since become traditional to indigenous groups?

For place names used in the setting and writing systems would it be better to use existing languages or writing systems or ones inspired by them? EG should I make a language that is very similar to Cherokee, complete with its own syllabary, or should I use IRL Cherokee and its extant syllabary? I ask because I feel like using the real language might step on some toes, but using the conlang might seem like erasure.

One of the main themes of this story is the harm that even a ‘benevolent’ Empire can wreak on people. The Byzantine/Turkish/Mississippian culture is the main Empire on the continent, taking cues from both western and American monarchical systems (eg the Triple Alliance (Aztec) and The Four Regions (the Inca Empire)), but when I think about it having any kind of even vaguely western ‘Empire’ spring up from the soil of a North American inspired setting might be troubling.

Thank you for your time and consideration! Do you guys have a kofi or something so I can compensate you for time spent?

I actually do remember you, and I am going to 99% disregard your questions here because you went from glaringly obvious racism to covert racism, and none of your questions ask if your basic strings of logic for assumptions you built into the setting are okay. 

Since there is some extremely flawed basic logic in here, I’m going to tackle that first.

Question 1: Why did you originally title this “Pre Colombian North American Fantasy World” when you have more old world cultures than new world cultures?

A very simple, straightforward question. The actual content of the setting is what made me retitle it.

If you want to write a North American fantasy setting… why are there so many old world cultures represented here? 

Old world: - Greece (as a societal myth; see next point) - Byzantine - Turkey - Norse - Central European - Persian - Arabic - Indian - Bengali - African (which, let’s be honest, should be heavily broken up into multiple peoples) - Oceana (which, again, should be heavily broken up into multiple peoples)

New world: - Mississippian - Iroquois  - Numunuu - Hopi - Zuni - Maya - Aztec - Inca (maybe? not mentioned as having their own place on the continent, but one of your questions mentions them) - Navajo (maybe? See above)

To account for respecting Africa and Oceana, I’m going to make African cultures count as 3 and Oceanic cultures count as 5, and this is a purposeful lowball.

Old World: 17 New World: 9

It’s a giant discrepancy, especially if your attempt is writing an exclusively New World fantasy. And this is bare minimum old world, considering the fact I tried to limit myself to peoples who would be more likely to interact with the heavy Mediterranean/Alexander the Great’s Empire centricity. 

Question 2: Why does there have to be a Greece analogue?

I haven’t spoken about this topic at length on this blog, but Greek worship in the Western world is a very carefully crafted white supremacy based mythos that was created to prop up European “Excellence” and actually erases the reality of Greece as a peoples.

Cultural evolutionism is a theory that states the (assumed-white-European) Greeks were superior because of their philosophy, their abstract art, and their mathematics. When many of these concepts were refined in Egypt (African, aka Black), or the Arab world (aka brown), but white Europeans did not want to admit any of this so they instead painted everything as coming out of their ideas of Greece lock stock and barrel. 

The theory also ignored Iroquois science, Plains and Southwestern abstract art, and generally everything about North America, because the theory was designed to move the goalposts and paint North America as something it wasn’t, just to make Europeans feel okay taking it over and “bringing it to civilization.”

This theory was still taught in force up until the 1970s, and is still a major school of anthropological thought to this day (and still taught in some universities), so it is still very much influencing the Western world.

While the theory itself is only from the 1800s, it had long-growing roots in white/ noble Europe’s attempt to prop up European “Excellence” during its multiple periods of colonization, from the Crusades, onwards. You can see it in the copious amount of art produced during the Renaissance.

Europeans ignored the sheer amount of settling and travel that happened within Greece and Rome, and you’ll notice how many Renaissance paintings depict Greek philosophers as white, teaching other white people. In reality, we have no idea what their skin tone was, and they could have taught a huge variety of different skin tones. But it was appealing to European nobility to have people like them be the founders of all things great and “advanced”, so they invested huge amounts of time and money in creating this myth.

(Note: I said their nobility, not their population. People of colour existed en masse in Europe, but the nobility has been downplaying that for an exceptionally long time)

Greece took over most of the old world. It borrowed and stole from hundreds of cultures, brought it all back, and was assigned credit for it. White Europeans didn’t want to admit that the concept of 0 came from the Arabs, the pythagorean theorem came from Egypt, etc, and since Greece won, detailed records of how they were perceived and what they stole are long lost. It’s only glaring when they took from other global powers.

Question 3: Why would you pick totally different biomes to mix in here?

Turkey and the Mississippi are very, very different places when it comes to what can grow and what sort of housing is required, which makes them on the difficult side to merge together. They relied on different methods of trade, as well (boats vs roads), and generally just don’t line up.

The fact you pick such a specific European powerhouse—the Byzantine Empire—to mix into your “not European” fantasy world is… coming back to my above point about Greek (and Roman) worship in the West. Why can’t a fantasy world set in North America be enough on its own? Why does it need Europe copycats?

Question 4: Why are you missing a variety of nomads and Plains peoples?

Nomadic plains peoples were a thing across the globe, from the Cree to the Blackfoot to the Mongols. You have hyperfocused on settled peoples (with only one nomadic group named in both new and old world), which… comes across as very odd to me, because it is, again, very European sounding. That continent was about the only one without major populations that were nomadic, and if you look at European history, nomadic peoples were very highly demonized because of the aforementioned Mongols. 

Cultural evolutionism also absolutely hated nomadic peoples, which is where we get the term “savage” (hunter-gatherers, nomads) and “barbarian” (horticulturalists and pastoralists, the latter nomadic); these were “lesser cultures” that needed to settle down and be brought to “civilization” (European agriculture), and nothing good could ever come out of them.

Meanwhile, in North America, nomadic peoples took up a very large portion of landmass, produced a huge amount of culture and cultural diffusion, and mostly ignoring them while trying to create a “fantasy North America” is, well, like I said: odd. 

General Discussion Points

My suggestion for you is to write a fantasy Mediterranean region. Completely serious, here.

With the kinds of dynamics you are attracted to—the empires, the continental powers, the fact you keep trying to make Europe analogues in North America—you will do a much, much more respectful job by going into a really richly researched Mediterranean fantasy world than attempting to mix Europe and North America together in ways that show European traits (settled peoples, agriculture, a single empire dominating the whole culture and being viewed as superior) as the default.

I legitimately cannot see anything in here that feels like it comes from North America, or at the very least, treats non-sensationalized peoples (aka, those outside the Maya and Mississippian region) with respect. 

It falls into Maya worship, which is a very sensationalized topic and is fuelled by racist fascination, assuming no Indigenous peoples could be that smart. 

It falls into settled peoples worship, which is something that has cultural evolutionism roots because under such a model only settled peoples with agriculture are “civilized.”

It falls into placing Western concepts (public schools, large cities, the ilk) as the ideal, better solution, compared to methods better suited to horticulturalists, pastoralists, and hunter-gatherers and letting those teaching methods be respected.

There is no shame in writing inside Europe

The Mediterranean region contains Indigenous peoples, contains a huge diversity of skin tones, contains empires, contains democracy/a variety of governments, and in general contains every aspect of what you’re trying to create without playing god with a continent that did not evolve the way you’re trying to make it. 

A Mediterranean fantasy world would still be a departure from “fantasy world 35″ as I like to call it, because it would be different from the vaguely Germanic/ French/ Norse fantasy worlds that are Tolkien ripoffs. You can dig beyond the whitewashed historical revisions and write something that actually reflects the region, and get all the fun conflicts you want.

You don’t need to go creating a European/North American blend to “be diverse.” You can perfectly respectfully write inside Europe and have as much variety in peoples as you can write in a non-European setting. Europe is not the antithesis to diversity.

North America developed a certain way for a reason. It had the required fauna, space, resources, and climate to produce what it created. The old world developed a certain way for its own reasons, based off its own factors in the same categories.

You’re not really going to get them to blend very easily, and if you did, the fact there is such a strong European way-of-life preference (by picking places that mirror European society on the surface) makes me raise an eyebrow. It’s subtle, but very much there, and the fact you are ignorant to it shows me you still need to do more work before you go writing North American Indigenous Peoples.

Writing in Europe isn’t the problem, here. Writing a whitewashed, mythologized, everyone-not-white-is-a-caricature, ahistorical “Europe” is the problem. And you cannot fix this problem by simply painting European ways of life a different skin tone when the setting isn’t European. In fact, you’re perpetuating harm by doing that, because you are recreating the cultural evolutionism that calls anything you can find in Europe “better.” Indigenous cultures were vastly different from Europe, even if they shared similar trappings. 

Let North America exist without trying to shoehorn its most famous peoples into European analogues.

~ Mod Lesya

[themattress]

My Top 30 Favorite Video Games

Inspired by @ultraericthered’s Top 30 Favorite Anime post. 

Although I’m doing mine in countdown form, ‘cause it’s more fun that way!

30. Super Mario Bros. - Arguably the first “blockbuster” game to be released, not only does Super Mario Bros. still hold up over 35 years later but it’s a gift that keeps on giving with how many different incarnations, remixes, fan games using its assets, etc. that we have now.

29. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - OBJECTION! While I cherish the entire original Phoenix Wright trilogy of the Ace Attorney franchise, I’ll always be the most partial to the original outing. The sheer audacity and hilarity of the concept, which is grounded by endearing characters and compelling mysteries, shines brilliantly in this little, easily accessible game. 

28. Trigger Happy Havoc: Danganronpa - While similar in many ways to Ace Attorney, Danganronpa boasts a variety of more actual gameplay than mere point-and-click text scrolling. But what really makes this stand out, beyond gameplay or even the strength of its concept, story and characters, is the atmosphere it creates. For good and for ill, traversing the pristine, neon-lit hallways of the abandoned Hopes Peak Academy looking for clues as I’m forced to play by Monokuma’s twisted rules is an experience that will stay with me forever.

27. Star Fox 64 - Beyond all the entertainment this game provides through memes, it’s really just a fun, reasonably simple but just moderately complicated enough game that’s accessible to any player even if they usually don’t go for aerial shooters. It’s also one of the earliest console games that I ever played, so of course it’s going to hold a special place in my heart.

26. Batman: Arkham City - It’s an impressive feat when an open world game can still feel so claustrophobic in all the right ways, and that’s what Arkham City accomplishes. This game is essentially The Dark Knight to Arkham Asylum’s Batman Begins, escalating the action, suspense and sheer Batman-ness, providing unlimited opportunities to enjoy yourself playing as Gotham’s defender and facing down the greatest Rogues Gallery in comic book history.

25. Red Dead Redemption - Look, I know that Red Dead Redemption 2 is technically the superior game. But its complicated story, sprawling cast of characters, and vast canvas of a world can be pretty daunting, whereas I feel like the original Red Dead Redemption struck a much better balance. Allowing open world freedom within the confines of the straight-forward story of John Marston’s redemption really makes you feel like you’re in an old Western film, and the way that choices you make as a player impact the way that film ultimately turns out is one of the strongest arguments for video games being worthy of consideration as true art.

24. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - So, ten years ago an open world adventure video game series releases its fifth entry...and to this day, we’ve had no sixth, in favor of expansions and updated re-releases of said fifth entry. But that’s not a sign of laziness; it’s a sign the developers know they hit such a peak in quality that they have no need to rush anything further out the gate, as Skyrim is a gift that keeps on giving. Addictive in how unlimited in possibilities it is, with each playthrough never being the same as the one before, Skyrim is a gaming masterpiece that I don’t think I’m going to get bored with playing anytime soon.

23. Super Paper Mario - This may be an unpopular opinion, but I vastly prefer this game’s action-platform-RPG hybrid gameplay style to the prior installments’ traditional turn-based RPG style, which feels more at home in stuff like Super Mario RPG and the Mario & Luigi series. But gameplay aside, I think this has the strongest story of any Mario game, trading in the usual “save the kingdom/princess” fare for saving all of reality, with legitimate emotion and drama and even character development. It’s one of the Wii’s shining gems, to be sure.

22. Epic Mickey - This game’s graphics are by and large unremarkable, its gameplay is fraught with issues (that camera is unforgivable), and it’s nowhere close to the best on its system or genre. But Epic Mickey is a case study in where the effort put into crafting the game’s world and story, not to mention the obvious love and respect for the material being worked with, pays off. Any Disney fan will love this game for its story, which puts Mickey front and center as an actual character rather than a mascot and dives deep into his history as he meets his “half-brother” Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, and its mystical, unique atmosphere - what the graphics can’t deliver, the fucking music more than makes up for. All of the game’s flaws mean nothing compared to the sheer heart on display, and I treasure it greatly as a result.

21. Batman: Arkham Asylum - I already mentioned that Arkham City is the superior game, but as was the case with Red Dead Redemption and its sequel, personal preference strikes again. The simpler story and narrower confines of Arkham Asylum just appeal to me slightly more, and I feel like the borderline horror atmosphere this game has could never fully be replicated by all of its sequels and spin-offs. Also, you can play as the Joker in this. WIN.

20. Metal Gear Solid - And on the subject of Arkham Asylum, it owes much to this game, which created the template of a lone badass hero having to use stealth and weaponry to liberate a government-owned island from the lunatic terrorists that have taken over. Hideo Kojima famously never wanted this game to have any sequels, and I can definitely see his point, as it’s a complete and wholly satisfying experience in of itself and I don’t feel like it’s ever been topped. At the very least, it’s certainly the most enjoyable of the series to me.

19. The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask - Also, speaking of “borderline horror atmosphere”, we have the freakiest game that the Legend of Zelda series ever put out. What was supposed to just be a gaiden to Ocarina of Time mutated into this beautiful monstrosity that’s become just as iconic. Nobody who plays this game is ever going to forget that fucking moon and all the constant jumping back and forth in time across three days as you try to prevent the apocalypse of Termina. It’s the kind of gaming trauma that’s well worth experiencing.

18. Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories - Like Majora’s Mask, this game is a case study where you can take a bunch of recycled assets and gameplay, and then make something unique from it if you have a well-crafted story with a dark and disturbing atmosphere. It’s hard to experience or appreciate the transition between Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts II without playing this midquel, which takes the narrative and characters to deeper levels without being pretentious about it and sets the stage for the proper console sequel perfectly. And if you can’t get into it being on Gameboy Advance, then just play the PS2 remake (which is arguably the superior version anyway) and you’re good! Just...don’t mind the cards, OK?

17. Sonic CD - And now we have another game about jumping back and forth through time to prevent an apocalypse! See the common threads at play here by this point? Sonic the Hedgehog is at his best in 2D gameplay, and I personally enjoy this the best out of all the 2D games in the series. As obscure as the Sega CD was as a system, it was powerful enough to take the blue blur’s speed to its maximum level, set alongside beautiful graphics and a kick-ass soundtrack (well, two different kick-ass soundtracks; and I actually prefer the US one). 

16. Pokemon Black & White - While there were advancements made to story and graphics and gameplay features in the third and fourth generations of the Pokemon series, nothing felt as truly ground-breaking as the second generation games until the fifth gen with its Black & White games. This was arguably the game series’ peak in quality on all fronts, but its specifically the story that lands it on this list, as its well-written and paced, subverts many formulaic elements from the previous games, is set in one of the most unique regions in the Pokemon world, and has a timeless message that has only grown more relevant with age. 

15. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate - The whole series could really go here, but fortunately the most recent entry is the perfect embodiment of said series, with every playable character there’s ever been and then some. The sheer variety is unmatched by any other fighting game out there, and its story mode, “World of Light”, is quite possibly the greatest video game crossover in history given how many characters are featured as both fighters and spirits.

14. Super Mario 64 - I’m pretty sure this game used to be higher in my favor, but replaying it on the Nintendo Switch recently has made me aware of how, as the first game on the Nintendo 64 and the first 3D platformer, it’s poorly aged in several areas. However, I must stress that it is still a very good game. The fun of going to the various worlds within paintings in Peach’s Castle hasn’t changed, nor has how smoothly and seamlessly Mario managed to make the jump from 2D to 3D. Just like Super Mario Bros., the number of games that owe something to this one is too great to count, and that’s an achievement that remains timeless.

13. Dark Chronicle - Also known as Dark Cloud 2. I hadn’t heard a damn thing about this game before renting it on a whim many years ago, and I was caught off guard by just how good it was. It’s got a simple but effective story and likable characters, a timeless atmosphere, beautifully cel-shaded graphics, dungeon-crawling gameplay, action-RPG combat gameplay, literal world-building gameplay, and even a fishing minigame! This game can actually stand besides the Zelda series without shame; it’s truly an underrated gem.

12. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess - Oh, speaking of Zelda, this game goes full Lord of the Rings-style epic fantasy with it and it is glorious. Between the near perfect gameplay, beautiful 3D graphics, and one of the best stories in the series (with one of the best characters: Midna), Twilight Princess’ most prevalent complaint from critics all the way up to its own developers is that it wasn’t even MORE expansive and awesome given how long it was hyped, and if that’s the biggest issue with the game then I’d say it’s in pretty good shape.

11. Super Mario Galaxy - Super Mario 64 may be held back a little by how its aged, but no such thing is holding back Super Mario Galaxy. Super Mario Odyssey might be as good or possibly even better, but I just don’t hold the same feelings of amazement and respect toward it that I do for this game. From the blitzkrieg-style attack on the Mushroom Kingdom by Bowser to the discovery of Rosalina’s space station, this game had me hooked from the first few minutes, especially with it blaring that awesome orchestral score the whole way through. To this day, I maintain that this is Mario’s greatest 3D adventure. It’s simply magnificent.

10. Final Fantasy X - Ha! See what I did there? This game has caught flak for some of the awkwardness that comes from being the first fully 3D entry in the series, but I think that’s tantamount to nitpicking when compared to all it does right. To me, this was the last really good installment of the main Final Fantasy series, with a story and world so brilliantly developed that the game earned the immediate breakthrough success and acclaim that it found in its native Japan. 20 years later and, as the HD remaster has shown, it still holds up as one of the most engaging JRPG experiences I’ve ever had the pleasure of having.

9. Banjo-Kazooie - At the time, this was basically Rare’s copycat version of Super Mario 64, although considered about as good. Now, however, there’s a difference: the aging issues I mentioned for Super Mario 64 don’t apply for Banjo-Kazooie. Whether replaying it on the Nintendo 64 or on whichever Xbox you’ve got, this game is still just as fun, imaginative and hilarious now as it was back then. It’s quite possibly the greatest 3D platformer ever made.

8. Pokemon Crystal - The definitive edition of the Gold & Silver games of Pokemon’s second generation, taking what was already a phenomenal advancement and improvement to the first generation and making it even better with additional features such as the ability to play as a girl for the first time and a more clearly defined storyline centered around the legendary Pokemon featured on the game’s box art. Pokemon had been written off as just a passing fad up until this point. This was when its staying power as a video game juggernaut was proven.

7. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild - Talk about a win right out of the gate for the Nintendo Switch! This game returns the Legend of Zelda series to its roots while also applying all that has been made possible in video games since the original game’s release, and the result is an enthralling, addictive, open world masterpiece that has set a new standard of quality for both the Zelda series and for many modern video games in general.

6. Kingdom Hearts II - The Final Mix edition to be precise, although in this day and age that’s basically the only edition people are playing anyway. This game is the apotheosis of Kingdom Hearts as both a video game series and as a concept; filled to the brim with Disney magic and Square Enix RPG expertise and paired with some of the most refined action-based gameplay there is. And when it comes to bringing the original Kingdom Hearts trilogy’s story to a close, does this game ever stick the landing. The series could have ended right here and I would have been completely satisfied (and its reputation would be a lot better off, too!)

5. Pokemon Yellow - While I maintain that this game, the definitive edition of the original first generation Pokemon games, still holds up as fun to play even now, I’ll admit that it’s pure bias that it ranks so high. It was the first proper video game I ever played, there was no way I was leaving it off the top 5! Its blissful nostalgic atmosphere is always such a delight to return to.

4. Banjo-Tooie - Remember when I said Banjo-Kazooie was “quite possibly the greatest 3D platformer ever made”? The “quite possibly” is because its in stiff competition with its own sequel! And personally, I’m in Banjo-Tooie’s corner; something about how inter-connected its worlds are and the addition of so many things to do all while maintaining your full moveset from the original game is just beautiful to me. Both it and its predecessor are like obstacle courses that I never tire of running through, which is the hallmark of brilliant game design.

3. Kingdom Hearts - Another case where the sequel may be the superior game, but my own personal preference leans toward the original. And in this case, it’s a highly personal preference: this game and my memories of playing it for the first time are so very dear to me. The characters and worlds of Disney put into an epic crossover RPG was like a dream come true for me and no matter how far the series it spawned has deteriorated, nothing can detract from the magic of this game. It’s got a certain, indescribable feel and atmosphere that’s never truly been replicated, and that feel and atmosphere still holds up whenever I revisit it. The gameplay may not be the best, particularly when compared to Kingdom Hearts II’s, but the charm of the story and the characters and the world and the very concept more than makes up for that. As far as I’m concerned, it’s one of Disney and Square’s greatest masterpieces.

2. Final Fantasy VII - I was aware of the hype this game got and was totally ready to call it overrated, but damn it, it got me! I don’t know what it is about this game with its blocky early 3D graphics, poor sound quality to its excellent soundtrack, and frequently mistranslated script that proved to be so gripping and enjoyable to play through, but man did it ever Limit Break its way into my heart. This is considered a JRPG classic for a damn good reason.

1. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time - Do I really need to explain this one? It’s famous for being frequently cited as one of the greatest video games ever made, and like Final Fantasy VII, its hype is well-deserved and totally justified. Whether you’re playing it on the Nintendo 64, the Gamecube, the Wii, the 3DS, and hopefully the Nintendo Switch in the future, there is a magic quality to this game that permeates through every step you take in its fully 3D world. It’s a triumph that has stood the test of time, cementing the Zelda series as truly legendary.

[scripttorture]

Hey, I am writing a torture scene in a Star Wars fanfiction, where a character is tortured both with interrogation devices and with the Force. How do I make the use of the Force in torture seem as awful and realistic as the interrogation devices? Sorry if that is confusing, I've never written a torture scene in fic before and I am nervous about doing this one right.

Welcome. :) It’s a perfectly understandable fear, let’s get stuck in.

 There are some issues around some of the canon torture devices in Star Wars. The short version of which is that high tech equipment isn’t realistic in torture and it can often suggest torture is ‘advanced’ or ‘intelligent’ when it is not. But this isn’t really the core of your question and I don’t want to discourage you on your first try.

 For more realistic low-tech alternatives I have a post on common torture techniques in the modern era over here. You can read a little more about why I think ‘interrogation devices’ are leaning in to torture apologia by looking through the ‘high tech torture’ tag.

 You can read a bit more about it in this Star Wars review here or by looking through this tag.

 Central to this is how you communicate pain in a story. Because that’s really what we’re talking about here. How do you capture a type of pain that your reader hasn’t experienced?

 It might be helpful to know that pain isn’t one sensation. We actually process different kinds of pain differently and we each have different thresholds for different sorts of pain.

 That might sound complicated but what it boils down to is that knowing someone likes their curry hot doesn’t tell you how they’d deal with a head ache or a twisted ankle.

 So if I was approaching this my first question would be: what kind of pain do I want to make the Force feel like?

 There are a couple of little bits from various parts of the franchise that suggest the dark side feels ‘cold’. But I think you do have leeway to really decide what you want this to be like.

 I would lean in to the way the Force can cause pain without leaving obvious wounds. Because a lot of torture, both historically and today, does the same thing and these ‘clean’ (non-scarring) tortures are often dismissed. The damage they cause is downplayed, the pain they cause is underestimated. And unfortunately survivors of clean tortures (the majority of torture survivors today) are dismissed because we expect torture to leave scars.

 Our vision is a big part of how we judge other people’s pain. We find it very easy to instinctually imagine (and sympathise) with injuries we can clearly see. Things like broken bones, burns and cuts seem to be easier for us to understand. I’d use that, in the same way I would if I was writing a non-magical clean torture scenario.

 I’m going to describe the reported sensations/type of pain caused by three different clean tortures; stress positions, pumping and electrical torture using a magneto. (You can look up any of those in the tags for more information.) Feel free to use any of these.

 Stress positions cause muscular pain throughout the body. Think of the sharp pain the comes with pulled muscles and imagine that throughout the body. That tension, the feeling that the limbs are giving way, everywhere. A building muscular pain punctuated by sharp bursts. It’s trembling afterwards, weakness, staggering, falling. A burning, pins and needles sensation as circulation returns to raised limbs.

 By contrast pumping is internal, organ pain. It’s a stomach ache that’s like being stamped on. A stabbing pain that doesn’t end. If you’ve had a bad E coli infection then think of that. Nausea, the awful empty feeling afterwards. Switching from one type of pain to another until it starts all over again. The way your head reels and your awareness narrows.

 As for electrical torture, well here’s Alleg’s description of his experience with the French military in Algeria (I have edited to focus on his description of physical sensation).

 ‘Suddenly, I leapt in my bonds and shouted with all my might. Cha- had just sent a first electric charge through my body. A flash of lightning exploded next to my ear and I felt my heart racing in my breast. I struggled, screaming and stiffened myself until the straps cut into my flesh. All the while the shocks controlled by Cha-, magneto in hand, followed each other without cease.[…]

 ‘Suddenly I felt as if a savage beast had torn the flesh from my body. Still smiling above me Ja- had attached the pincer to my penis. The shocks going through me were so strong that the straps holding me to the board came loose. They stopped to tie them again and we continued.

‘After a while the lieutenant took the place of Ja-. He had removed the wire from one of the pincers and fastened it down along the entire width of my chest. The whole of my body was shaking with nervous shocks getting ever stronger in intensity, and the session went on interminably. They had thrown cold water over me in order to increase the intensity of the current and between every two spasms I trembled with cold. All around me sitting on the packing cases, Cha- and his friends emptied bottles of beer. I chewed on my gag to relieve the cramp which contorted my body. In vain’

 Obviously you don’t have to use any of these examples if you don’t like the sound of them. The basic idea is to think about a type of pain and use that to create an evocative description.

 You could even use your own experience if you wanted to. Think about the kinds of pain you’ve had in the past, migraines or pulled muscles or eating a curry that was too hot, and use that as a basis for magnifying the same sensation.

 That’s all Step One.

 Capturing the full impact of torture means more then the torture scene. It means warping the story under the weight of abuse. It’s the lasting effects on the survivor and the knock on impact on their friends and family. It’s the way that impact can radicalise people, even witnesses. It’s the effect torture has on the organisations that use it and those that it is used against.

 A story does not necessarily need to give all of these elements a lot of narrative space.

 If your story doesn’t focus on the survivor then their symptoms might just take up a sentence as the main characters ask whether they ‘made it’. And in that case you hammer home the impact by showing the effect on these people who are at a remove. Their fear, their anger, their resolve to stop this. Perhaps even a few lasting symptoms they develop as witnesses to a traumatic event.

 The original Star Wars movies don’t leave a lot of time to focus on lasting effects on the main characters but they still show each of them resisting torture in different ways. They show torture radicalising characters who witness it. They show it galvanising opposition and they show torture as ultimately undermining the organisation that uses it.

 Essentially think about the sort of story you’re telling and how much space each of these elements needs in your story.

 Most of the writers who come here are focused on a survivor character and want to write that character recovering. So I’m going to talk about that in more depth.

 If however you’d rather talk about systems in your story I do have some masterposts that’ll help. There’s one here on the common justifications for torture in democracies. There’s one on why torture doesn’t work as a method of interrogation here and a more detailed discussion of the effect torture has on investigations here. There’s also a post on common misconceptions over here.

 I also think you should read the post on clean torture.

 So, let’s talk about how torture effects people.

 Torture does cause lasting symptoms in survivors, witnesses and torturers. Survivors are left dealing with symptoms for the rest of their lives. But that doesn’t mean they never recover and it doesn’t mean survivors don’t go on to have fulfilling lives.

 Recovery is about learning to live with symptoms rather then mental health problems vanishing.

 Now we know the possible symptoms of torture. But survivors don’t generally experience all the possible symptoms and we don’t really understand why there’s so much variety in what individual survivors experience. We also, generally speaking, can’t predict which symptoms any individual will get*.

 From a writing stand point that means we’re free to decide what fits best in any story. I’d encourage you to pick 3-5 symptoms from the list here for any survivors characters. There’s a more detailed discussion of memory problems in particular here. Memory problems are extremely common in reality and very rarely portrayed accurately/well in fiction.

 Personally I think the best way to pick is by looking at the list and thinking about which symptoms will add to the story you’re trying to tell. Think about what might add interesting obstacles in the plot, what might create opportunities to show your audience more about the character and what might change the relationships characters have.

 So if your character needs to be charismatic and social does giving them anxiety create an interesting barrier to that? If your character is determined or holds their ideals really high, does giving them depression help illustrate those qualities by showing what the character is battling with every day? Would intrusive memories prompt deeper discussions with their friends about mental health, their fears?

 Wrapping up I would really encourage you to look at that masterpost on the common misconceptions about torture. Because so many of the ways we’re used to seeing torture portrayed are tropes that have no basis in reality. And a lot of them are based on really harmful misconceptions about torture and torture survivors.

 This probably feels like a lot. It is. Torture is a complex topic to tackle and the sheer volume of misinformation out there makes it that much harder to do it right.

 Read the links. Think about what you want to write. Practice.

 And if you have any more questions feel free to send them in when the ask box re-opens. :)

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

*There are a handful of exceptions here but for the most part whatever the torture technique the possible long term symptoms are the same. Exceptions include sleep deprivation, starvation and solitary confinement.

[evakuality]

Can you clarify why you said those things about Even? Expand on this please!

Can I expand on my absolute adoration for all things Even and indulge in some serious nostalgia?  Yes, yes I can, anon.  For reference, we are discussing this little moment of emotional overload.

First, I said Even is a variety of things: soft and sweet, a ‘cool’ guy, who is also kind and caring and unashamed of being a dork and embracing the cringy things he likes.  So the first thing I should probably do is address those.

Well, I mean where do we begin?  (sorry if this is stuff I already said before; I know I’ve waxed lyrical about Even before so this is probably repeats).  Even is usually unfailingly decent to everyone, he genuinely loves being around people and making them laugh and feel at ease.  I mean, the obvious one is Isak and the way Even is with him.  How he seems to intuitively know what Isak needs and gives it to him.  He’s so kind with it, letting Isak set the pace and parameters of what they do and when they do it.  When he’s going into a manic state, he shows exactly what the core of him is and cares enough to accept without even a hint of a murmur that Isak is uncomfortable kissing in public.  He’s ready to share his love with the entire world, bubbling over with this exuberant energy and yet despite that big romantic shout out (the ‘epic’ love story he loves so much) being where his heart is he still respects Isak and accepts the boundaries he sets.  And he does it immediately and with kindness and care.

There’s the way he’s willing to lie with Isak wrapped up in his arms, cuddling for basically as long as Isak wants to.  Isak, who’s never really had any softness to him, just melts when he’s in this situation because Even makes it safe for him to do so.  I mean, obviously Even gets something out of this as well.  When we see him with Sonja it tends to be kissing and making out rather than cuddling and intimacy and Even’s probably soaking that up as well.  But the important thing is that Even makes Isak feel safe, and he does it by being so gentle and kind.  

There’s the way he calms Isak down after their run in with the homophobe on the street, knows how to settle Isak with just a few words and touches.  His own feelings have been affected, and you can clearly see his own shock and the way it affects him before he springs into action and yet the one who matters to him is Isak and Isak’s comfort on his birthday.  His focus and attention is outside himself, and while this is the most obvious with Isak he’s not the only one we see Even doing this with.

And there are of course times when he pokes fun at Isak, but the way he does it is so gentle that it’s clear there’s no malicious intent.  ‘Blah blah blah good story’, the teasing about Nas, ‘you’re so young’ etc etc are all moments where Even is gently ribbing Isak and what he’s said or done, but he also laughs at himself, and makes it clear he’s laughing with Isak rather than at him.  For Isak this is probably a revelation, because while he and his friends are also inveterate teasers, they tend to do it in a much more biting or cutting way.  Think about the way they are with Magnus (who tbh sometimes deserves the roastings he gets), and then compare the way Even teases.  There’s no bite to it and it’s never about anything that really would hurt unlike some of the things the boys say to each other.

Speaking of Magnus, there’s the way Even takes his crisis of confidence seriously, picking up exactly what he needs to be able to pursue Vilde.  The boys are trying to coach him how to be like them, acting indifferent, being less desperate, trying to done him down.  Even, instead, sees Magnus as he is and gives him the recognition he needs that he can be himself, be ‘desperate’ and still be okay.  I guess that’s something I left out of what I said - that Even is perceptive and sees what people need and what he can do to set them at ease, and he cares enough to use it.

So that’s already a looong list of the things he does that show his sweet, soft, caring and kind side, and I could go on and on citing other examples of how he does this.  But there are the other sides to him as well.  The fact is that he’s introduced as the ‘cool’ godlike figure into Isak’s life (and tbh Isak never really loses this impression of him, which is really sweet in its own right).  And the thing is, this isn’t actually a veneer (as much as Even seems to play up to it a bit to attract Isak once he realises this will work).  Even really is effortlessly cool.  There’s an aura about him in the way he is at school and the way people react to him.  The first impression he gives off is of coolness even before he consciously starts to deploy it.

Noora and Eskild are both charmed by him easily when they meet him, the kids at school talk about him in a way that suggests that he’s been noticed in a good way.  Of course, any newcomer into a school is going to attract attention, but it can’t be denied that the type of attention he garners is generally positive and the fact that it has filtered to other years means he’s making a splash of some sort.  Think about the way Vilde talks about ‘Even in third year’ in texts to Isak (I think it’s Vilde - someone does anyway) and you get the picture.  His name is one that’s supposed to be recognised and generally not in a negative or judging way (there is some of that as well but it’s not the entirety of how they see him).

And then we have how he’s a dork and embraces the cringey stuff he enjoys.  He’s never apologetic at all about what he likes and what interests him.  From the ‘epic’ love story he creates for his film project, his unashamed claim of Baz Luhrmann as his favourite director amid Mikael’s roasting about it, to his sheer joy in Gabrielle despite Isak trying to make it seem like it’s not cool, Even is never one to back down from his passions even if someone else thinks they’re a bit cringy.  He tells tall stories to make others laugh, he encourages people to be true to themselves because he is true to himself.  

He refuses to be shamed for who he is.  He dances and sings with joy and abandon, he spreads his arms wide and does things with his entire being.  He’s not tied down into being any one definition of what ‘a man’ should look like.  He doesn’t care to be ‘cool’ except in so much as it attracts Isak and is what he uses to facilitate that, and even then he lets that guard down almost as soon as he can because he’d rather show himself to Isak as he is (though with the caveat that he hides his bipolar diagnosis).

And the thing is that Even is exactly the guy Isak needed to push him into loving himself.  It took someone who loves himself (though again with that caveat about the bipolar stuff) to help Isak see that he can also see the ‘cringy’ bits of who he is and let them shine out.  That he can be gay and like rap and hiphop music, that he can be a ‘bro’ but also soft and caring.  That he doesn’t have to be a flamboyant guy to be gay, that he can just love Even and that can be part of who he is and he doesn’t have to change to do that.  

Even’s example is so powerful because (as I’ve said before) Isak has very few models of what ‘a man’ looks like.  He has fairly rigid ideas of what gay guys are like, he has very set ideas of what he should be like to fit in with his friends, and they aren’t compatible with seeing himself as gay.  So it takes someone like Even who’s such a great mix of all this stuff - cool, manly, sweet, gentle, kind, caring, dorky - to show isak that there’s more to life than the roles he’s seen to date.  He was unlikely to be able to be true to himself with an Eskild, and he was equally unlikely to be able to be himself with someone like Jonas or the other guys.  They all have great nuances as well of course, but in terms of masculinity Isak sees things in a pretty black and white way - gay is flamboyant, straight is bro-ish. He genuinely needed someone like Even, filled with so many glorious shades of grey, to recognise the varied parts of himself and be able to flourish properly. 

[chubbyheroesworthyheroes]

Could you do a story with Wil and Dart from FE7, please? Preferably, it would start with Dart gaining weight unintentionally and Wil would then gain some weight accidentally as well. Thanks and sorry if I did this incorrectly.

Dart and Wil hadn’t really gotten off on the right foot when they first met back in the war. Wil had come off as a bit empty-headed, and had mistaken the pirate for someone he knew but had since lost contact with. Dart had been more than a little brusque with the young man, simultaneously seeming to want to brush him off and pound his face in out of sheer annoyance. 

But, after a few run-ins, they sort of found even ground with each other. They were able to fight alongside each other well, and even saved the other’s skin more than once on the battlefield. Dart might not have been who Wil thought he was at first, but a bond had still been created on the trust of comrades.

This carried over years later, when the war with Nergal and the Black Fang had been finished, and everyone had resumed their lives. Wil had gone back to Caelin, staying there in the archery division even after Ostia took over control of the area. Dart had, of course, gone back to Fargus’ pirates. The two met up as frequently as they could in Badon, sharing stories both old and new. Of course, with only so much time before one of them would inevitably get pulled away to handle their individual duties again, they tended to stay in Badon and catch up as much as they could. 

They tended to share a room at this pub that also had lodging -- if you knew the right people, or so Dart said. The room was cheap enough when split between them, and they only had to go downstairs for a drink or some food. It made it incredibly easy to just chat the days away, since they didn’t have to go running all over the port town for their needs, but it also made it very easy to, perhaps, overindulge a bit.

Whatever time of day it was that they were able to meet at the pub, they’d settle in for whatever meal was being offered at the time. Being a port town, more often or not it was some sort of seafood, but sometimes there were other offerings available. Plates piled high with all kinds of fried fish and shrimp, with equally loaded up sides of vegetables smothered in some sort of creamy sauce or heavenly soups that warmed them up from the inside out. And, without fail, there was always plenty of beer to go along with the food and their hours of talk. The more they drank and chatted the hour away, the more they could foolishly pack away into their stomachs before eventually, drunkenly, staggering their way back up the stairs to collapse into a deep slumber.

Only to repeat it the following day, and the one after that, until either Dart was called back to his ship or Wil back to Caelin proper. Several months would go by, and then they’d meet up again for the same old binge and chat routine.

Not seeing each other for such long periods of time, they completely missed seeing how their little get-togethers were affecting them until they met up again.

Wil had gotten into Badon first this time around, and as he sat back with his drink in hand, he couldn’t help staring when Dart finally swaggered in. And while it was a bit of a swagger, as he got a better look at the seaman, Wil thought it was more of a waddle -- and with the extra weight his friend seemed to be sporting, that wasn’t really a surprise. It wasn’t a huge amount by any means, but it was noticeable enough. It was most obvious in his middle -- which jutted out in a taught, round beer belly -- as well as around his thighs and ass; pert bubble butt bouncing with each step and his thick thighs fighting for space. The weight didn’t take away from how strong a man he was, though; Dart still looked like someone who could easily toss you over the side of a boat one-handed, but now he had added mass to make the threat look even more believable.

“Wow, you’re looking healthy!” the archer chuckled, not even meaning it as a possible insult. The other man did just look healthy to him! Being out to sea for stretches of time with only a small variety of food and a strict, physical schedule to keep was grueling. So, it was good to see Dart looking like he was living off of more than just salted meats and dry bread.

Dart grinned, flexing and showing off his powerfully muscled arms, honed by years living on the tumultuous sea. “Ha, I know! The crew’s been talkin’ about how much I’ve been bulking up recently! Can’t complain about having more muscle to help move things along when we’re out at sea.”

And this cheerful greeting quickly segwayed into their usual back and forth. Wil gave wandering, somewhat air-headed stories about the mostly peaceful life in Caelin -- how Kent seemed hellbent on teaching him knightly decorum if he was to remain a part of their forces. And Dart told awe-inspiring tales of sea travel -- embellishment highly likely taken with some, but greatly bought into for the fun of listening. And, all the while they talked and joked, they ate and drank and called back for more until they were both fit to burst. 

It was amazing to watch the pirate pack it away, and if Wil was more observant, he likely would have noticed how much more his friend could consume. How much more he also tried to eat in order to keep up, and to keep the night going on longer. Belts were unbuckled, all ceremony lost between old friends and plenty of good booze, and chairs pushed back on their squeaking legs in order to make room for over-packed bellies.

They hiccuped their way through some silly tunes, until they could take no more food or drink and could hardly keep their eyes open. The stairs creaked louder than times before as they lethargically climbed up to their usual room, Dart letting out a boisterous laugh when Wil went to lay back on his mattress, but misjudged the distance and ended up bumping his foot against a leg of the bed and tumbling backwards with enough force to send his stuffed gut swaying as he groaned.

“Ugh, didn’t-- didn’t know I needed sea legs here on land,” Wil burped out somewhat queasily, cradling his abused middle with both hands in an effort to calm it down.

“Ah, you’ll get used to it! Just gotta get you back into the swing of things!” Dart laughed, patting his bloated gut with a sense of pride, “Life in a castle has made you a li’l soft there, pal, you’ve forgotten how to have fun with yer best mate!”

Of course, being so stuffed full and pleasantly drunk as he had been at the time, Wil laughed along in total agreement, and that week in Badon was one of the wildest they’d had to date. But, later on, when all the food and drinking, late nights and even later mornings started to catch up with Wil, he had to wonder if it was really the castle life that was making him soft.

A year later saw them still maintaining this ritual of meeting up, and while not much had changed in their lives, their size certainly had.

Dart was ever the larger of the two, his physical life aboard Fargus’ ship helping to balance out whatever fat he put on with well-honed muscle. He had a presence that made him feel larger than life, and it was hard not to think he was when you saw this massive sea-faring lad shifting cargo on and off the ship with ease. While he had a gut that spoke of indulgence at the table, there was hard muscle to back up the ball of chub that hung there proudly. His arms were still thick with muscle, and though his legs were just as strong, it was obvious that they had a healthy padding of pudge to them; giving him a slightly pear-shaped but mostly boxy appearance to his frame.

Wil, on the other hand, didn’t do nearly the same amount of physical activity on a daily basis as Dart. Sure, being in charge of Caelin’s archery division meant that he had to run routines and training sessions with all the rest, but it wasn't constant, nor was it as demanding. So, when the weight finally started to sneak on to the brunette, it was more obvious on him. He was plush all over, with a doughy stomach than rested in his lap -- a top roll starting to develop and divide his middle into two, clear rolls of flesh -- round, budding moobs sitting nicely atop his belly when full. His ass wasn’t nearly as large as Dart’s, but it was pleasantly soft all the same, leading down to plump thighs that quivered when he walked. His face was cherubic, and though through his continued practice of archery, Wil’s arms had maintained most of their definition, there was some pudge starting to creep onto his upper arms as well by the time the two of them got together again to swap stories and indulge in whatever Badon’s port town had to offer them.

[kaiju-z]

Seon Adventures, Episode 34: The Journey to Tutum

When last we left off our adventurers, the party had prevented a duel to the death between Mournimar and a duelist, hired by his ex-boyfriend, follower of Potencia Lazarus, rescued a talking Celestial Warlock Dog named Samson by brutally overkilling a group of deserters from the war and reached the border of Aetorumia and the neighbouring lands.

In the evening, while Malak confronted Luctan over his past behavior and gifted him an Orb of Direction, Samson the Corgi nearly escaped with his life, avoiding a fight with the spirits ithat dwelled within the well he attempted to steal money from. In the morning, Malak would express his displeasure in the party’s actions against the ex-soldiers, empasionately as Malak would allow himself demanding that they could and should do better than this, before also gifting them items of their own.

A Pipe Of Rememberence for Jun, a Handy Spice Pouch for Belli and a Pot Of Awakening for Mournimar. He would then finish his meal outside, before the five + Samson would reconvene on their journeys...

To everyone’s surprise, however, at some point, while Malak bought a map, Luck made a 7 gold coin offering at the shrine and the rest restocked any provisions they might have sacrificed on the journey so far, Samson had trotted off on his own little adventure. A one dog army~!

After paying the Innkeeper handsomely for her food and donating for her establishment’s futue, the party would get in their carriage and, led by Kevin and Killer, make their way out the border town, their eyes taking in the massive expands of sands and dunes. No structures in sight, Malak being quite familiar to it. Having known this shit and the thought he’d said goodbye to it coming back to haunt him.

Before the group could leave on their weeks long journey, a laugh would catch their ears and as they’d turn their heads in the direction of the amused fellow, they’d see an aged orange haired man with a shit eating grin, making japes at the group for traveling as they appeared. In plates and leathers and all that sort of stuff.

Questioning the scarred man’s attitude, the party would note that he appeared off-proportioned in a way. Somewhat dwarven, but much taller. A Half-Dwarf!

While Jun asks him if he could guide them, which he planned to offer his services for the very pricey 2 PIECES OF GOLD FOR EACH SIDE OF THE TREK, Malak would recognize his colors as being of the Galorum army. Old enemies of Aeterumia, during the war. But to Malak, that was old news. Yesterday’s enemy was today’s ally and all that.

With a wooden leg and a confident demeanor, Arryn, as he introduces himself to the party and they back to him, appeared to be the kinda guy who just hopes for work. And work he finds as the party accept him on this long journey, to guide them and keep them from walking off the path.

It pretty quickly sets in on the team just how hot it can be in the desert. And the air itself was so thick. Extra THICK, even! It felt like there was led in the air or some thing at later evenings they’d spend out in the open.  Temperatures being like under a blanket, but also nasty and humid.

The guide would mention it being left over bad energy from the war. The area is inflicted with the worst vibes. The vibes that took Arryn’s leg.

Days would pass. Weeks even as the group advanced through the dunes, past hills and rocks and rocks and small mountains around them, generally peacefully, with the exclusion of any foul business. Sure enough, Arryn was a trusted guide through these parts, getting them through the sands, to some more solid areas of rock and gravel.

The walk was a lot more even and paced from there, with the obvious dunes carrying on in the distance, but something would catch the travelers’ attention. Bones. They’d see lots of bones. Almost like a trail of them, leading to this sheer clear cliff face.

Investigating them, Malak would note that they were weirdly in tact, some of them. Dead and untouched. But there’s kind of a little curve around the corner, where the bone trail leads… He’d pick up a skull and cast “Speak With Dead”

“EYY!” the awoken skull would commence.

And the questions and answers would begin.

1. “How did you die?”- “Well, I was walking, right? And then there was this hot and cold stuff. And then it was just everywhere and it was really hot? And there was this big flappy beast behind me.”

2.  What were you doing out here?” “Me and my friends were following a trail of bones and figured whatever did this’gotta be guarding some good shit.”

3. “Were you being guided by a peg legged man?” –“No, we didn’t get a guide. We thought it was a waste of treasure and had to share.”

4.  “Did you have anything on you?” “I mean, we had our weapons and armor.”

5. “Is there anyone you’d like informed?” – “If me mate Chaz made it, he’s probably back at Havik by now.”

With the air of life leaving the skull, Malak would update the crew on his findings. From there, Jun would elect to poke the distracted Bard and suggest she send Orion to investigate the inner sanctum of the bone yard.

Orion slinks off and his body shrinks into the size of a normal cat, much to Belli’s amusement and the rest’s shock and awe.

He sneaks around the corner. Belli looks through his eyes. What happens is that he turns the corner and there’s this huge mammoth bone. Think elephant graveyard. He walks under that and he does a perceive... He steps out into the open, looks back where he came from and then Belli notices that the ground gets further away.

A pause. And poof. He’s gone.

Mournimar sneaks in, next, with a rope around his waist and careful maneuvering, feeling unseen as he makes his way through the yard, while Malak casts Aid on Arryn and the ladies. As the low armored part of the team.

With a careful eye, Mournimar sees the source of all these corpses. And as the Rogueish Ranger would raise his head up, the others would follow suit. And sea an Adult Blue Dragon, staring confusedly at his clawed mits, wondering where his quick little meal went. A  great big fuck off blue dragon.

Electing to avoid a fight with the dragon, for now, the group would carefully maneuver their way back to the carriage and do a big twist to avoid being directly seen by the dragon as they’d carry on and cross a river, along the way..

One evening, during shifts, Luctan taking the first... the disguised tiefling would wake Jun and ask her for her presense during his watch. The two would hold a private conversation, regarding Jun’s offer to hear him out, where they’d discuss the matter of trust, personal insecurities and pain, the understanding of pain and treatment of pain... Capping things off with a genuine interest in learning how to carry on, after a tragedy, something which the unmasked red tiefling had trouble getting to terms with.

By the end of the 1st watch, Luctan and Jun would come to an understanding and carry on with talks when the time allowed it. But until then, Luck would wake Mournimar to follow through with the second sentry outlook, while he rested.

Mournimar’s watch would be uneventful, compared to what had occured in his dreams... Something he’d share with Belli, when the first signs of morning would come up.

The enthusiastic cook would poke for information, which the Tiefling Ranger would share, regailing Belli with a tale of his dream, wherein he was visited, or more like... found himself in Jorzoth’s office. One of the Archdevils had brought him in for a 1 on 1 pow-wow, where in he’d inform the archer of Lazarus’ intentions with the duelist.

Lazarus had intened, through this duel, for Mournimar to best his contractor as a means to check in on his ex.

...

To say that this is a  weird way of checking on your ex, would be an understatement. And yet, that was the story he’d tell, through bites of an omlette.

In Mournimar’s own words, the break up and Potencia really changed him. Lazarus? He’s someone in need of praise. He used to be good and he was never like this before Potencia. There were... clear regrets there, in Mournimar’s mind and heart.

But Belli would protest to this thinking as you can’t change someone, who doesn’t want to change. While Mournimar doesn’t want him to be like how Mournimar was as a child, Belli reminds her friend that Lazarus is an adult, It’s his choice to make.

Breakfast is had amongst the group and Arryn remarks that this is the best hospitality he’s had. Ever.

From there? They’d venture forth and Malak tries to call Chaz. With a D100 he Sends a message to the dude. He gives him the full story, as best as possible. Chaz is sad, but the funeral was done already. He regets the nasty stuff he’s said over the year. But is greatful. Godspeed!

Drawing near to a river, Luctan would give Belli her pot. Like. Literal pot that had been in his posession for about a month now, give or take. Within one of the ceramic pots there were 10 silver ball bearings, each spelling a letter in Belli’s name.

And in turn, Belli would give Luck 5 smoke bombs. And she’d even show him her stash of a variety of bombs. Which she had been planning on using with the help of Orion as a dive bomber.

Stupified by his friend’s madcap ideas, Luck would be quiet for the most part during the next part of the journey as they’d cross over the river on a bridge and go through a town, populated by kobolds of different scales.

Initially weary of the group, they’d soon enough relax and observe, even follow them along as the party carried on through the town, when Malak appied his knowledge of the Draconic tongue, holding a friendly conversation with the locals, while Luck used his Prestidigitation to create funny images and smells for the kids.

As the town of Odum generally doesn’t generally get visitors, the party are kind of a treat to them. Through the talk, a kind of friendship forms with the Kobold settlement and the party learn that the dragon of the desert was quite the nasty one. Every time they’d send someone over to check what his demeanor was, they’d have to send another one, to check as well, because no one ever came back.

Mental note.

In the midst of this conversation, Jun would make friends with two of the littlest kobold kids, who’d climb on her and ask her all kinds of questions. Like why her face was the way it was. She’d happily use her shapeshifting power to appear like a Golden Dragonborn, much to the kids’ amusment.

With friendship in their heardts, the party would eventually carry on, venturing forth! Arryn would warn them that the next week is just gonna be desert. There’s a lake at some point, but that’s our lot.

While the week’s travel carries on, Belli shows off her vocal skills as she speaks in a few new languages she had picked. Among which was Dwarven, much to Luck’s shock. And frustration. ‘cause it took him 3 years to learn that on his own!

(”What? Like it’s hard.”)

Arryn, however, upon hearing Belli speak in Dwarven turns pale. When asked if he’s ok, the half-dwarf would reveal that anyone’d be shocked on hearing a nearly dead language.

In one day the dwarves and dragonborn in the area died off. Green evil magic took then down. Arryn survived, because he is part human. Malak knows this to be the effect of the Blight spell, but on a major level.

Jun suggests Steamroot to help with the pain. Her partner was hit with that spell and it had helped manage that. Arryn’s greatful for the suggestion.

They’d venture forth, once more, parallel to the main road. Mournimar asks about why we’re not on the main road. Bad things, ghosts, appear on the main road. Ghosts of the Dragonborn, particularly dangerous spirits.  Spirits are his expertise and avoiding them is where the expertise is at.

One particular night, deep into their expedition, Arryn asks them over a warm evening meal where exactly they were headed. Not to Tutum itself, right?

The party reveal some of what they’re after, but that seems to be more than enough for Arryn to put 2 and 2 together. 

“Of course, it’d make sense for them to eventually send someone to clean their tracks.” he’d remark, which in turn would push the party to question him on what he meant.

Arryn would say that it was never confirmed, but implied that the Council was involved in what happened to the dwarves and dragonborn. According to him, as he’d elaborate on events from the battle, as he was a soldier at the time, two dragons were in on the plan. One was dragged off to Guan and the other slain by the King’s Blade, which was burried within the tomb, onward.

Before anyone can stop her, a furious Belli’d send a message to River, demanding answers that she wasn’t even sure of the Halfling would have.

A hurt River would reply back with as much as she claimed to know, which was that this was a private job being done for a benefactor she couldn’t disclose. Upset, she’d question if Belli mistrusted her now?!

A debate is held on how to proceed.

Ultimately, the party  agree to go talk to the sword and get the facts straight. From there they’d see where they’d go..

Arryn would remark with surprise on how quickly they’d trust what he had to say had any truth to it. 

As the journey continued, they’d avoid the ghost town. Like. Town of ghosts. And keep going and going to a cave with funky carving.

There are carvings of a Tiefling with a big, big chonky sword. Fighting a dragon. An outline of an army that kind of fades and half of them disappear... 

Underneath this is this really fine intricate dwarven lettering and runes. As we get to the shrine, we end the session. 

Previous Episode / Next Episode

[alj4890]

A Second Chance

(Thomas Hunt x oc*Amanda)

A/N Weeks have gone by. The paternity results are in and Thomas has now taken Amanda to his attorney’s office to finish changing Kathleen’s last name to Hunt along with making her the heir to his fortune. He decides to take a chance and asks Amanda to go out to dinner. Just the two of them.

@lxaah11​​ @alleksa16​​ @penguininapinktuxedo​​ @blackcoffee85​​ @stopforamoment​​  @hopefulmoonobject​​   @krsnlove​​   @annekebbphotography​​ @hopelessromantic1352​ . @sunflowergirl05​  @desireepow-1986​ @greywitchyshots​​ @lilyofchoices​​​ @moodyvalentinestories​​ @emceesynonymroll​​ @my-heart-beats-for-ya​​ @aworldoffandoms​​ @ab1901​​  @flyawayboo​​ @i-bloody-love-drake-walker​​ . @trappedinfandoms​​  @kate-mckenzie​​ @cordoniaqueensworld​​ @everythingmarvelsherlockspn​

Masterlist

Catch up here with Chapter 5

Chapter 6

"And sign here." Myles pointed toward the necessary spaces.

Thomas finished signing his name then passed it to Amanda.

She signed under his name.

The attorney leaned back in his chair and explained the new will and trust Thomas had created for Kathleen.

Thomas half listened as he thought of what the last few weeks in California had been like. Having Kathleen and Amanda living in his home had been eye opening. Uninterrupted time with his daughter had strengthened the bond between them.

Once Kathleen had chosen her bedroom; he had removed all the furniture and taken her shopping. Amanda had gone along, smiling often at the two of them as they debated possible furniture and décor. He bought everything that Kathleen liked. He even strung twinkle lights across the ceiling, replaced the simple drapes with ruffled pink curtains, and bought a menagerie of stuffed animals to fill it with. Her first night with all her new things had been one of celebration.

She asked if the three of them could have dinner in there and then watch a movie.

Thomas never thought the day would come where he would be sitting in a pillow fort, eating Chinese takeout, and watching Tangled. Yet here he was loving every moment.

His gaze cut to Amanda as Myles handed her the paperwork with Thomas now legally Kathleen's father. Once the paternity test had come back revealing she was his, he had pushed his lawyer to get her last name and his will changed as quickly as possible.

Amanda had been supportive of his decision. Kathleen was thrilled that she now had his name and practiced writing it out on the little chalkboard he had bought her.

The only thing that could make this better for Thomas would be if Amanda's last name was also legally changed to his.

Living with her had shown him how deeply in love he was. When Kathleen went to bed at night, he would entice Amanda to remain with him to either watch a movie or go for a swim.

He used those moments to find out all he could about her without pushing her into a romantic relationship.

He wanted her. His desire for her had only grown stronger. He did not want one night with her. He wanted the rest of her life.

He wanted to marry her. Finally have her as his.

Finally have his family.

He suspected she might feel something for him. He would catch her looking at him, almost like she did all those years ago when they were dating.

Yet there was something else there in her eyes. Her smile was warmer each time he did something sweet for her or Kathleen.

She had become more relaxed around him. Amanda had stopped shying away from touching him. There had been a few times as they watched Kathleen playing or coloring that she would quietly slip her arm around his waist.

But he wanted more. These sweet in between moments could be the norm while they took the next step. He knew how affectionate she was when in love. Thomas intended to have it all for himself.

He just did not know how to broach the subject.

"And that's it." Myles said.

Thomas blinked and refocused. "Everything's set?"

"It is." He smiled at the two. "Ms. Hunt will have no financial worries." He glanced at his watch and apologized for having to rush out to another meeting. He told them to call if any other concerns came to mind.

Amanda reached across the table for Thomas's hand. He turned to her once Myles left the conference room.

"Thank you for this." She said, rubbing her thumb over the top of his hand. "It isn't the money, but knowing that in the eyes of the world, Kathleen is your daughter."

He gripped her hand. "I know you say that you don't need child support, but I would like to have a part in caring for her, paying for whatever she needs."

"I understand." She let go of his hand and stood up. "Shall we?"

He stood up and took her hand again as she passed by, tugging her close. Her eyebrow lifted in question.

"How would you like to go to dinner tonight?" He asked.

"My schedule is so busy," she teased, "I'm not sure if I can join you and Kathleen this evening."

He smiled. "I meant just us." He lowered his eyes to their clasped hands. "It's been a long time since you and I went out. I'm sure Rachel and Stephen will watch Kathleen."

Amanda laughed at the thought. When Thomas had told his sister about Kathleen being in his home, she and her husband Stephen had shown up that very night.

Unlike Holly and Addison, Rachel had understood why Amanda had kept Kathleen a secret from all of them that were close to Thomas.

"You were wise not to trust us to keep our mouths closed." Rachel said one night. "We all would have flayed him alive with our tempers." She then added that if they had been told though, the misunderstandings could have been rectified so much sooner.

She and Stephen immediately fell under Kathleen's spell. The little girl in turn adored the two that were her new relatives. They took her out every day for special aunt/uncle/niece time. In other words, they spoiled her every chance they got.

Holly and Addison, along with Matt and Ryan, also accepted the little girl as their own. They could hardly get over the fact that Thomas was not only a father but that he had eased into the role without any difficulty.

The four along with Rachel and Stephen watched the family of three closely, especially Thomas and Amanda. They knew how he had pined for years for the duchess. Now that the two had a reason to see each other on a regular basis, the group wanted to see them together as they should be: a couple.

"How about it?" Thomas repeated. "A night out without a children's menu?"

She laughed and shook her head at the menu joke. "That sounds nice."

"I'm taking that as a yes." He put his hand at her back and guided her toward the elevators. "I'll make the reservations and pick you up around seven."

"Pick me up?" She teased. "My, we really are going all out with this dinner."

Thomas couldn't quite contain his smile. "It isn't every night I get to have you to myself."

Amanda felt her heart triple in beat. Did he mean that in a romantic sense or a platonic one? He probably only wanted a night out as an adult and was merely offering her the same as a friendly gesture.

As much as she tried to deny it, she felt that old love for him stirring to life more and more as time went on. His obvious love and care for Kathleen touched her aching heart in ways she had not anticipated.

She loved seeing him so uncertain yet trying to make his home special for their daughter. Seeing him agree to every little whim Kathleen had, made her smile at the sheer sweetness.

Then the little things he did for Amanda made her fall even more in love. He remembered things from their past that astounded her. He surprised her one evening with her favorite meal from a local Mexican restaurant. He had all her favorite classic movies on hand, explaining to Kathleen how he had developed a new love of many of them due to her mother. He had restocked his pantry with her English Breakfast tea bags and brown sugar cubes. Every gesture chipped away at the wall she had erected around her heart.

Their conversations at night caused a longing in her that life could be like this. Being with him while their child was tucked safe and content in her bed, it was her old dream, the very one she had tried to forget.

How could she though when he was all that she had ever wanted?

**************

"Which do you think?" Thomas held up two blazers.

Kathleen tilted her head as she studied the navy blue and then the charcoal gray. She was sitting in the middle of his bed amid a variety of dress shirts. "I like that one." She pointed at the gray. "And I like this shirt." She held up the black.

"Perfect." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "You have quite the eye for color coordination."

"I have two." She scrunched her shoulders with a giggle.

"I am very grateful for that." He replied with a smile. "Now then, anything else you can think of that I should do to make the night special for your mother?"

Kathleen propped her head on her hand as she thought. "Flowers. Mommy loved the ones you brought for my birthday."

"I can't believe I forgot about that." He muttered. He made a quick phone call and ordered a bouquet of tulips. "Anything else?"

Her little brow furrowed in thought. "Uncle Max said that she loves to dance but she doesn't do it anymore."

"Then I suppose it is up to me to remedy that." He wrote that idea down. "You have been a tremendous help."

Kathleen plucked at his bedspread. "Daddy?"

"Hmm?" He went into his closet to choose a tie.

"I'm a Hunt and you're a Hunt." She squirmed a little. "But Mommy's not."

He paused in his search. "No, she isn't." He saw the unhappiness on her little face and went to her. "What's wrong?"

"Mommy isn't part of the family." She whispered with a sniff.

He knelt beside his bed and took her hands in his. "Yes, she is."

"But she's still a Bridgerton." Kathleen pointed out. "Can't she be a Hunt too?"

"She can." He replied. "I plan on doing all I can to make her want to be one." He smoothed her hair out of her eyes. "It is up to her if and when she wants to change her last name."

Her eyes widened. “Are you going to marry her?”

Thomas didn’t know what to say. “Whatever your mother wants, I am going to do.” He held his daughter’s hands. “As soon as the moment is right, I will ask your mother to marry me.”

"So, we can be a family?" Kathleen asked excitedly.

"We are a family." He stressed once more. "We simply are one with two different last names at the moment." He picked her up and hugged her tight. "Why don't you go choose some movies to watch with Aunt Rachel and Uncle Stephen? I need to start getting ready."

"Okay." She hugged him once more then skipped out of his room.

***************

Stephen let out a low whistle when Thomas came downstairs.

He glared at his sister and brother-in-law when they let out a couple of catcalls. "Where's Kathleen?"

"In the kitchen with Amanda." Rachel grinned when he immediately went in that direction.

He paused in the kitchen doorway and watched the two.

Kathleen was sitting on the counter, giggling while Amanda spoke with a funny accent.

"These cookies are mine! No one else shall have them." Amanda pretended to sneak away with the tray she had removed from the oven.

"Mommy!" Kathleen gasped between her laughter.

Amanda turned around and brought them back over. Her own smile was bright at hearing her daughter's sweet laugh. "Be sure to share with Aunt Rachel and Uncle Stephen."

"I will." She promised. Kathleen looked up and called out to Thomas. "Do you want a cookie, Daddy?"

"No thank you." He joined them and helped lift Kathleen off the counter.

Amanda paused halfway in placing the cookies on a plate. Her eyes drifted down Thomas in his dark gray suit and black dress shirt. His tan skin and jet-black hair seemed even more noticeable...even more handsome. "You look nice."

He smiled softly as his eyes touched on her figure. "Thank you. I've always thought you looked beautiful in red."

Amanda nervously smoothed her short skirt. "Thank you."

She handed the plate to Kathleen and watched her carefully carry it into the living room.

Thomas stepped closer to Amanda. "I've been looking forward to tonight."

She finished wiping her hands while a smile played about her lips. "Oh?"

He nodded. "Are you ready to go?"

She looked down at herself. "I think so, unless you think I should wear something else?"

"You look perfect." He took her hand and pulled her along behind him.

Kathleen was snuggled between Rachel and Stephen on the couch. She waved  goodbye to them while eating a cookie.

"Have a good time." Rachel told them as she walked them to the door. "And don't hurry home."

************

71Above, Los Angeles...

"I forgot how much attention you draw when out." Amanda teased when they were seated at their table.

He frowned slightly at the people whispering and pointing. "So did I. I don't know why they do so."

She chuckled and picked up her menu. "It couldn't have anything to do with your handsome looks or immense talent."

He shook his head in exasperation and turned his attention back to her. "Would you like to go somewhere else?"

"We can if you wish." She said. "I can ignore them."

His eyes touched on how she looked in the soft light reflected from L.A.'s skyline. He was not quite ready to abandon the romantic restaurant because of a few nosy patrons. "I can ignore them too."

Her smile was warm as she lowered her eyes.

Thomas set out to charm her. Every story, every bit of flirty teasing, every brush of his fingers against her hand; it all had one purpose. He wanted her to fall in love with him again.

Amanda's cheeks were a touch pink under his steady gaze. She would often lower her lashes while smiling with his flirting. He had forgotten how those mannerisms used to encourage his attempts in romancing her.

He began to feel confident in his efforts with her leaving her hand in his and the almost permanent smile on her face. Once dinner was over, he took her to the next planned part of their evening.

"Aren't we going home?" Amanda asked when he drove on into the city.

"Kathleen shared an observation with me." He answered. "I thought it was time to try again."

Amanda lifted an eyebrow at his attempt at being mysterious. "Care to share what that observation was?"

"I think I'd rather leave it a surprise." He chuckled when she groaned.

"I think you've forgotten how little I like surprises." She huffed while folding her arms.

"I haven't forgotten." He told her.

"Ah, so you've resorted to torture now on your evenings out." She shook her head in mock disappointment. "Shame on you, Mr. Hunt."

Thomas couldn't quite wipe the smile off his face at her teasing. It was reminiscent of how things once had been between them. He missed having that. She was one if not the only one that brought out that playful side of his personality.

"A night club?" Amanda said in disbelief when he parked the car. "This is what Kathleen suggested?"

"She merely shared that Maxwell had told her how much you loved to dance and that you haven't done so in a very long time." He explained.

Her brow furrowed with that observation. "I don't think I've been dancing since that trip you and I took to Cabo."

He paused as memories of that vacation came to mind. That was a month or two before they-- "Amanda? Was Kathleen conceived during that trip?"

Her eyes widened as she quickly did the math. "She must have been! We were there at the end of December and I had her in September."

He placed his arm around her waist. He remembered that trip well. It had been a series of one romantic moment after another. Knowing that Kathleen was created during such a time made it seem all the more significant.

"What are you thinking about?" Amanda asked when he remained silent.

Thomas lowered his eyes to her. "That night we spent on the yacht in Cabo."

She didn't know how to respond. That night was one that she had never been able to forget. It had been one of the most romantic of her life. One of the most passionate.

He pulled her closer to his side once they were in the club. The place was crowded, and music blared from the speakers. They both cringed from the strobe light and the vibrations from the bass.

Amanda rose on her toes to speak in his ear. "Let's get out of here."

He began to shake his head, determined to take her dancing.

She laced her fingers with his and pulled him out of the building.

"Amanda, I don't mind--"

"I think I've outgrown the club scene." She explained. Her smile was warm as she stepped closer, raising her hands to his crooked tie. "I prefer being out with you in places where I can actually hear what you say."

His lips curved softly. He set his hands on her waist as she worked on his tie, tempted to pull her flush to his body. "So do I." He took her hand and led her back to his car. "One more place to go that I think might make up for this."

"Thomas, there isn't any need to--" her breath caught when he placed his hands on either side of her, trapping her between him and the car. Amanda lifted her eyes to his, wondering what he was going to do. Hoping he might...she stopped thinking. "You have already given me a wonderful night out."

He leaned closer to her. "I want this night to be special."

She swallowed and tried to keep from focusing on his mouth. "It has been."

He stepped away from her and opened her door. "If you don't care for our last stop then I will take you home."

She almost reached out to pull him back to her. "Okay."

He smiled a touch proudly when he heard the slight intake of her breath once more. He got in on his side of the car and drove off.

A short time later they were walking along the docks.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with our remembering Cabo, would it?" She teased when they stood before his yacht.

"I actually had this planned before that memory was brought to mind." He helped her aboard and followed after her.

He opened the door to the main saloon.

Her lips parted in surprise. A bouquet of tulips sat beside a bottle of champagne resting in an ice bucket on a table near the couch. A glass covered tray was set on another end table holding various desserts.

"Someone is going to a great deal of trouble." She teased when soft music drifted through the surround sound speakers.

He pulled her into a slow dance. "This? No trouble at all."

She rested her cheek on his shoulder as he swayed with her to the beat. Amanda closed her eyes and allowed herself a moment to drop all the cautious barriers she had placed around her heart so that she could enjoy being in his arms once more.

Thomas set her other hand on his shoulder and wrapped both his arms around her. When she raised her head, their eyes met before lowering to the other's lips.

He waited on her to make the first move. He needed her to be the one to make the decision on giving him a second chance. He briefly closed his eyes when her fingers threaded through the hair at the nape of his neck.

Their bodies were brushing against the other's as the tension built between the few inches that separated their parted lips.

She pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips. "Thank you for taking me out." A self-depreciating smile formed. "I haven't had a night out on the town in a very long time."

"Thank you for accepting." He murmured, keeping his gaze on her mouth.

She tried to ignore the need to kiss him. Ignore the need to see if it was like it once had been. Feel that electric tingle across her skin.

She knew it was foolish to play with this type of fire. She had resolved to never again take a chance on love. Kathleen was to never suffer from her decisions.

Amanda had vowed to be single for the rest of her life the week after Kathleen's birth. She knew she could never have some man have a say in her daughter’s upbringing.

But Thomas was not some random man. He was the father of her child. He was innocent of all the previously thought wrongdoings.

He was here, right where she had once hoped he would be. Thomas was showing her the type of attention she had once craved so long ago.

What if she gave in to his wish and tried a romantic relationship again? What if it ended horribly?

What if it didn't?

She hesitated and lifted her eyes to his.

Thomas saw all her vulnerable uncertainty in the hazel depths. He knew he should stick to his plan and admit he was more in love with her than he had ever been once they were in Cordonia. He believed he needed her to see how he could fit into her life there as well as anywhere else.

But he did not think he could wait any longer.

"I'm in lo--" his phone rang.

He pulled it out of his coat’s interior pocket. "It's Rachel."

Amanda's eyes widened. "Kathleen? Do you think she's--"

Thomas quickly answered.

"We need you to come home." Stephen explained. "Kathleen became sick and has been crying for Amanda."

She snatched the phone out of Thomas's hand. "What happened?"

"She was fine, playing, then complained about her stomach hurting. Next thing we knew, she ran to the bathroom and threw up." Stephen's voice sounded strained. "She began to cry which caused her to throw up again."

"I'm on my way." Amanda swiftly left the saloon and hurried off the yacht.

Thomas chased after her. "Amanda, wait a mo--"

"I don't have a moment!" Amanda snapped. Her stiletto heel got stuck in one of the slits on the dock. Her foot came completely out of her shoe.

Thomas knelt and pried it loose, slipping it back on her foot. "Everything is going to be fine."

"My daughter is sick." Amanda said in a disapproving tone. "I shouldn't have gone out."

"She probably ate too many cookies." Thomas tried to make her see reason.

"I don't care what caused it." Amanda cursed when she stumbled over another plank.

Thomas caught her before she hit the dock and pulled her close. He gently tilted her chin up. "I will get us home as fast as I can."

Her frown eased. "Thank you." She held onto his arm as they made their way off the dock.

***************

Amanda hurried upstairs as Rachel told all that had happened.

"I gave her another bath." Rachel followed closely at her heels. "She threw up all over her pajamas when she started crying."

"Poor angel." Amanda mumbled. She stepped into Kathleen's bedroom and went straight to her bed.

"Mommy." Kathleen reached out for her.

Amanda sat down beside her and held her close. "Shh, it's okay." She gently rubbed her back. "I'm here." She thanked Rachel for taking care of her.

Thomas paused in the doorway as his sister left the room. "Is there anything I can do?"

"She will need some electrolytes. Anything like Gatorade or Pedialyte." Amanda replied. "And possibly some popsicles."

“Orange.” Kathleen mumbled as she curled up in her mother’s lap. “I only like orange ones to drink.”

“Orange electrolytes and cherry popsicles.” Amanda told him.

“I’ll take care of it.” Thomas promised. He quickly left the room and told his sister where he was going.

“We’ll go for you.” Stephen offered. “That way you can help if Amanda needs anything.”

Thomas thanked them. He wrote down what Kathleen liked and gave them money. They ignored his money and took the list, leaving him uncertain with what he should do now.

************

Once he was gone, Amanda settled Kathleen back in her bed. She remained sitting beside her daughter with her back to the headboard.

Kathleen moved her head to Amanda's lap. "Will you sing the song?"

Her mother's lips curved softly as she gently ran her fingers through Kathleen's hair. "Of course."

Thomas paused in the hallway when he heard Amanda singing. He recalled that she was not known by friends and loved ones for having a good singing voice. But something about this particular song and the way she kept her voice low seemed soothing. He quietly approached the bedroom and watched the two.

Don't know why there's no sun up in the sky

Stormy weather

Since my gal and I ain't together

Keeps raining all the time

Life is bare. Gloom and misery everywhere

Stormy weather

Just can't get my poor self together

I'm weary all the time, the time

So weary all the time

Kathleen had a smile on her face as her eyes drooped closed. Her favorite part of the song was coming up.

When she went away the blues walked in and met me

If she stays away, that old rockin' chair gonna get me

All I do is pray the Lord above will let me

Walk in the sun once more,

Can't go on, everything is gone

Stormy weather

Since my gal and I ain't together

Keeps rainin' all the time

Keeps rainin' all the time

Kathleen yawned and snuggled closer. Thomas stepped in when Amanda paused in singing. He quietly told her that Rachel and Stephen went shopping for them. He then went into Kathleen’s bathroom and retrieved a cool, damp rag when Amanda asked him to get one.

She gently placed the rag on Kathleen's forehead, still humming Stormy Weather.

Thomas sat down in a padded rocker, observing the two.

Amanda carefully moved Kathleen to her pillow once she was asleep.

He followed her out of the bedroom and across the hallway to her room. "Is there anything else we need to do?"

"I'm going to change clothes and sit up with her for a few more hours." Amanda explained, stepping inside her room. She hesitated then looked up at him. "Feel free to get some rest. I'm used to doing this on my own whenever she is ill."

His lips firmed in a slight frown when she gathered some comfortable clothes and went into the bathroom to change. He loosened his tie and went to his own bedroom.

Amanda returned to Kathleen's room and rewet the rag, placing it back on her head.

She sat down once more on the bed and hummed when Kathleen moved restlessly and whimpered.

Thomas returned in a pair of jogging pants and a t-shirt. He took his spot in the rocker once more.

"You don't have to be here." Amanda whispered, surprised to see him again.

"Yes, I do." He whispered back. "I have to be here for you." He paused. "Both of you."

She lowered her eyes and resumed gently running her fingers through her daughter's hair in soothing repetitions.

"Why Stormy Weather?" He asked softly.

Amanda's lips turned up in a smile. "I listened to Frank Sinatra albums throughout most of my pregnancy. One night, a month after Kathleen's birth, she cried for hours, fighting sleep. I tried everything to calm her down. Eventually, pacing and singing his rendition of Stormy Weather helped her fall asleep. It worked each time after that, and she now claims it as the song. She usually likes it sung whenever she is sick."

Thomas softly chuckled. "She would appreciate the classics."

Amanda nodded, laughing. "She loves his singing."

His smile was tender. "She got that from you. If I remember correctly, you once said you would have had a hard time not melting if you had been one of the women in the movies he sung to."

Amanda shook her head at her own foolishness. "I was born in the wrong time period."

He stood up and stretched. "Let's sit over there." He whispered when he noticed her shift, trying to get comfortable on the small bed.

Amanda followed him over to the loveseat that Kathleen had chosen for her movie corner in her room. They sat down and remained quiet as they watched Kathleen sleep.

He set his arm along the back of the couch and urged Amanda closer. She glanced down when his other hand held hers and felt that old stirring of memories. There had been a number of times when she was taking care of Kathleen that she had wished he had been there comforting her as she worried over every little thing.

She rested her head against his shoulder, feeling a calmness come over her just by having him by her side.

He pressed his lips to her forehead, letting them linger there.

After an hour, she fell asleep, turning more in his arms. He repositioned her and held her close. Thomas covered the two of them with one of the fuzzy blankets that was nearby.

He lowered his head to kiss the top of hers once more. He closed his eyes, feeling grateful to have her in his arms again. Though it wasn't quite how he had wished the night would end, Thomas hoped it would lead to an even closer relationship with Amanda.

[twisted-crumpets]

Hey guys, I wanted to make a g/n version of the kiss headcanons, because I felt bad that some people may not feel included or couldn’t properly enjoy the meal. If there’s any headcanons that you want me to do this for, please ask me it’s perfectly fine.

Quick note: Rook’s nickname for his darling had to be changed, because it was not gender neutral. However, this one “mon petit oiseau” (my little bird), is. This was found out through research, if I am wrong, please tell me.

━━ Trey Clover ━━

Trey was always pretty observant and soon noticed how his feelings may not be as unrequited as he previously believed.

Pink blushes and eyes dreamily locked onto each other’s for too long was sort of a dead giveaway. However, Trey wished to formally explain his feelings for his S/O.

Unfortunately, an Unbirthday Party was coming up and whilst all of the treats were made, the roses were a far cry from done and Cater begged anyone who’d listen for help.

Hearing the third year’s desperate pleas, his darling decided to meet up with Trey so they could both tackle as many roses as possible.

The job wasn’t completely unpleasant, yes they both would rather be doing something perhaps a bit more enjoyable, but they both treasured each other’s company and the small talk was rather entertaining.

It wasn’t long before it finally clicked in Trey’s mind that they were alone and peered down at his love, who was honing their all into making a stubborn rose red.

“S/O, I’m sure you are well aware but I just wanted to say.. I love you.”

His darling nodded at first before taking a violent double take and glancing at Trey, baffled and red at his casual confession.

“Hmm~ was it not obvious already? I would’ve thought you already knew.”

Teasingly chuckling at them, he pressed a gentle kiss against their crimson cheek, unable to hide his smirk. Cupping their warm face in his hands, he looked deep into their eyes to ask for permission before pressing his lips against their own.

The kiss was long and warm. It filled them both with a feeling of home and and comfort and neither of them wanted to leave.

Eventually, Trey pulled away, poking their still red face with his finger, unable to wipe his former smirk off of his face at her bashfulness.

The garden may not have been very finished, but they couldn’t care less when they had one another in their arms.

━━ Ruggie Bucchi ━━

Ruggie was worried. He always knew that he wanted to eventually confess how he feels to his love, but he knew that with essentially no money, he had limited resources.

Sneaking money out of Leona’s wallet little by little, Ruggie began to feel more confident in finding the perfect inspiration or possible gift for his beloved. As he stood in Sam’s shop, he felt a deep sense of regret for not just stealing a necklace to sell instead.

Prices so high it made him dizzy in the head and weak in the knees. Despair lingering in his chest.

That is, until he saw Trey buying some eggs which caused an idea take root in his mind. Baking was something couples did often and it did sound rather romantic. Plus, who was he to deny spending time with his love and filling his stomach for delicious doughnuts?

After class, S/O was nearly tackled to the floor by the blur that was Ruggie who had a strong determined look twinkling in his eyes. “Shishishi sorry about that... hey! Uh before you go, I’ve been asked to make some treats by Leona, but I barely know much about it. Do you mind giving me a hand?”

Tentatively, his S/O nodded their head, eyebrow raised in bewilderment before parting ways, delighted and perplexed.

Making their way to the kitchen, they began to wonder what was in store. The hyena loved to play pranks, maybe he had one in store for them?

It was however a great relief to see the cheeky student frowning at the recipe as if it was in another language.

His ears cutely twitching hearing their giggles, his head shooting up and with a grin so wide that it could’ve split his face in two adorned on his face.

Hours passed and they couldn’t deny that the evening was very gratifying, with the happy chatter and raucous laughter that filled the room. When doing a count of the doughnuts that were laid out on their tray, they soon noticed one had gone missing and quickly informed Ruggie, teasingly questioning him about its whereabouts.

“Shishishi ahhhh S/O this has been gone for ages~~ you are too easy to trick!”

Placing it back on the tray, they observed the design on the surface, eyes widening to the size of dinner plates after resist to messy “I love you” scrawled onto the surface of the small treat.

Cooing at the sweet gesture, they wrapped their arms around the trickster and softly responded to his feelings, immediately feeling him let out a gigantic sigh of relief.

Pulling away slightly, they stared at his lips entranced before finally connecting them, a cute yelp escaping from the boy.

The kiss was sugary sweet and fluffy and many more was stolen by the playful thief, accompanied by booming laughter and warm doughnuts.

━━ Jade Leech ━━

The Monstro Lounge has always been a rather busy establishment and had many a particularly busy day. Today seemed to be one of them as the orders kept piling up and showed no signs of stopping. Tireless hours catering and cleaning, until finally the crowd has thinned until the room was empty once more and the Lounge was finally closed.

Weary and stressed, Jade decided to go to the school pool and unwind. The tranquil silence flooded the room and Jade slowly sank into the room watery depths, feeling himself becoming truly serene. Which was sadly interrupted by voices from above calling his name.

With a slightly irritated sigh, he heaved himself onto the pool’s edge, scanning his surroundings with narrowed eyes. That was until they befell onto his love and instantaneously softened.

“Oya? What are you doing here S/O? Surely it is due time for you to be back in your dorm?”

His stomach suddenly felt light and filled with his butterflies learning of his dearest’s concern for him and slowly shut his eyes, not expecting them to stay and hurried rush a variety of sentences jammed together creating one love fuelled mess.

Disheartened by the lack of reply, they went to leave, slightly embarrassed before they were stopped by a cool hand wrapped around their wrist, revealing a slightly pink Jade.

“I must inform you that your feelings are not unrequited.. I love you too, my flower.”

Tugging their wrist to kneel by the pool side, he tilted his head upwards and connected their lips, completely intoxicated by the contrast between their bodies.

Gasping for air, his darling didn’t notice the toothy smile spread across Jade’s face as he pulled them into the pool, wrapping their arms around his neck and connecting their lips once more.

Addictive kisses were stolen and exchanged and neither of them could ever wish for more as they melted into one another, hearts swelling with every touch.

━━ Jamil Viper ━━

Jamil was ready to pass out. His usual menial chores were increased tenfold as a result of Kalim and his impulsive decision to let his wild pets roam free inside the dorm.

The chaos of the day finally reaching its end, Jamil dragged himself towards his room, ready to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Until, he set his eyes on his love sat patiently on his bed, instantly brightening and then furrowing their eyebrows in worry over the fatigue that seemed to radiate from every part of his body.

Ushering him to bed hurriedly, Jamil fought every urge to sleep as he inquired about why they waited for him at such a late hour.

When hearing them admit their worry for him, he scoffed and gently flicked them on the nose, thankful for the darkness of the room hiding the pink that was painted across his cheeks.

“That was rather foolish of you. This is my job and has always been, you don’t need to worry for me.”

He softened at their indignant whines of protest he brought their into a warm hug and sleepily murmured his feelings into their hair, blissfully unaware of what he just said until he felt his beloved stiffen up in his arms.

“Hmmmmm.... I love you, you know that right, Jewel?”

Calmly he apologised, unable to hide the slight disheartenment in his tone which left him as soon as he heard them shyly repeat his previous words.

Cradling their face, he pressed his lips to theirs in a small tired kiss, lips moving in sync lazily. Tiredly pulling away, Jamil crawled under his covers and gestured for them to follow suite as he pressed his warm frame against theirs and held their back close to his chest. His heart thumping wildly in joy, his brain still struggling to process the sheer amount of love he holds for his beloved.

“Goodnight my Jewel, I will wake you up in the morning.”

━━ Rook Hunt ━━

Rook had been acting suspicious. He already did have a shady appeal to him, but it was even more apparent than usual.

Whenever he appeared before them, his scent began to be rather sweet and fragrant and his hands where always stained green.

It didn’t help that he kept staring intently at his love like they was the last star in the sky, and despite his usual romantic bravado, this new behaviour screamed at them that he was planning something.

During the lunch break, Rook eagerly bounced up to them, hearts almost visible in his eyes, asking if they was free after school. Taken aback by his suddenness, they stood and stared for a while trying to gather their bearings. Agreeing apprehensively, they couldn’t hide the curiousity filling their eyes.

Upon hearing their reply, he could’ve sworn he entered heaven.

He almost launched them to the botanical garden, his heart running marathons, his mind a mess of thought out poems combining into one chaotic choir of infatuation.

With happiness radiating in every step, he took them to an picturesque area where an archway of orchids greeted them.

“Dear S/O, no amount of words could possibly describe how much my heart swoons for you, my love for you is as bountiful as the sea, encasing me in your radiance. This simple archway is a humble tribute to your golden heart, which I hope to one day own.”

Going weak at the knees at such a heartfelt confession, they responded with such excitability that could have put his to shame.

A stronger sense of devotion was glowing in the hunter’s eyes as he wrapped his toned arms around his love, span them in a circle, holding them close to his heart and kissed them with immense passion.

The kiss was fiery and warm and his darling could feel themselves melt even further into him.

The kiss went deeper and deeper, drowning them both.

Pulling away, Rook panted for air and presses his forehead against their’s.

“Hehe, mon petit oiseau, our love seems to truly be written in the stars.”

━━ Lilia Vanrouge ━━

Lilia was always very mysterious, but it truly did reach new levels of strange.

The mischievous fae had planned to hang out with his S/O a week in advance and seemed to be up to no good, with the telltale glint in his eyes being a dead giveaway.

Meeting up with his darling at their dormitory, he placed a hand on the small of their back, and began to lead them into the forest.

“Kufufufu I believe that in order for our small rendezvous to be truly enjoyable, one must insist for their guest to close their eyes and have faith in their partner.”

Apprehensively, they placed both hands into Lilia’s cold and calloused hands, shivering slightly at the temperature different between the two and closed their eyes, making them more aware of the sounds the dark forest created.

Sweet bird song and the light windy breeze clashed together in perfect harmony, gifting them the ability to completely relax and put their faith in the impish boy.

It felt as though they both had been walking for a millennia until they were finally stopped in their tracks, and the giggling from the man who was once before them turned silent.

Curiously, they opened their eyes and gasped in amazement. The scenery around them was nothing short of magnificent.

The moon had begun to peak out and painted the trees a beautiful silver. Small delicate beads of light flickering around, illuminating the forest gracefully.

Slowly turning around, they jumped at the sight of the usually talkative fae, quietly smiling lovingly at the innocent joy on his lover’s face.

“Sweet dove, the words I utter now are the words you are the true emotions that have taken flight within me. I love you. No, love isn’t enough, it scarcely passes as sufficient enough. There is no word that exists within any of the dictionaries in all the world that could possibly describe how much I cherish every part of you.”

Hearing their acceptance towards his feelings, he giggled so purely it reminded them of tinkling bells and elegantly dipped them, gazing at their loving expression that was aimed at no one but him and pressed his lips smoothly against theirs.

He could’ve sworn that nothing fit quite so perfectly as the two of them, lips moving in sync, hearts beating a thunderous rhythm, joy and mirth beaming through their lovestruck grins.

I hope you enjoyed your meal!

[dysphoric-affect]

Harnessing The Butterfly Effect And Omnipotence

I’ve recently been musing over the best and worst aspects of the main entries in the Elder Scrolls series, and as I was recently musing over the most popular quests from them I had a bit of an epiphany, specifically in regards to the “Whodunnit?” quest from Oblivion’s Dark Brotherhood quest-line. For those who aren’t familiar for whatever reason, the Dark Brotherhood is an assassin faction within that series, and this particular quest has you locked into a house with five other guests, gathered there under the pretense of a game they were invited to partake in: within the house is a chest of gold, with the first person to find it getting the spoils; the door will remain locked until there is a winner. The dark reality is the five other guests are all targets you are contracted to kill by the host, the game a pretext to have them lured into one spot and trapped so they’ll be easier to dispose of in one fell swoop.

Two things contribute to what make this quest so universally beloved. One is the emergent character development. When you come in, each of these characters has their own background and personality and preferences they operate from which are easy enough to learn given the smaller, more intimate setting and the lack of time limit to complete your objective. These give them definite opinions on all the other guests. As you start to kill them off one at a time, you will see your choice of who to kill influence those opinions for better or worse. Kill someone another character hates early on ? They feel some regret at having made assumptions about them and feel they didn’t deserve that. Don’t kill that same hated guest for a while? That hatred becomes suspicion they are the killer. Wait and then kill that same hated guest? The suspicious guest feels even worse than they would have if you killed them early, because they realize their bias clouded their judgment. Inversely, kill someone another guest loves and they will become suspicious of someone they didn’t dislike before. In contrast, keep killing everyone but the guest they are affectionate toward, and see that transform into fear as they logically become the obvious suspect in their eyes. All of this, critically, comes from the player’s choice. You have the time to learn who these characters are and deliberately choose the order you take them out in to play on these biases and crushes and fears and suspicions, granting a unique manner to be evil compared to elsewhere not just in that faction’s quests, but the entire game at large and in gaming in general.

The other critical aspect is that the quest is so open-ended in design. Rather than most quests that have a set chronology of steps that happen story-wise toward completion, you are only given an abstract final goal and are free to determine what the particular steps are toward achieving that, providing a toy box of different story elements, level design elements and gameplay capabilities which can be arranged however the player likes. There are 120 different possible orders the guests can be killed in, which alone is an incredible amount of choice, but once you account for the different events you can make happen by influencing them, places within the house you can kill them at and the actual way you execute them, it becomes impossible to calculate mathematically just how many different specific ways the quest as a whole plays out. That makes this quest rife for enthusiastic discussion among players, as it is practically impossible that any two players will have done the same thing, giving each their own story to tell.

The epiphany I had in relation to this quest is realizing that this quest isn’t primarily great because of the fun opportunities it provides for evil role playing within Oblivion, or Elder Scrolls more broadly, or in RPG’s and gaming in general more broadly still. The evil context within which those dynamics existed and how that was presented did make for tremendous fun that enhanced what made it great, but I think it is a mistake to see the core of that fun as something that can’t be divorced from the evil moral nature of the quest. Rather, those two dynamics of emergent character development driven by player choice on the one hand and player-determined methodology toward macro goal completion on the other hand are the true core to what makes this quest so popular.

This distinction is an important one to make, because without making it we may acknowledge that quest as a great moment in Oblivion, but we go no further. When we do make that distinction, though, then we can start to consider them independently of an evil context or an Elder Scrolls context and begin to see the potential of exploring and applying them in different ways in other games yet to be made.

The dynamic of emergent character development based on player-choice is a particularly important thing to consider toward the future of RPG’s in particular, although other games can also stand to benefit from incorporating such a system as well; Shadow of Mordor and Shadow of War stand as especially salient examples of non-RPG’s that have begun exploring this kind of territory. For all the change players can affect in RPG’s up to this point, the influence they exert tends to be centered on macro-scale events and characters. Achieving the next level of sense of impact on the world by the player within these experiences, however, will be contingent on achieving the sense of ability to influence minor characters and events in the way the “Whodunnit?” quest does.

The trick to this isn’t a technical challenge I believe so much as a narrative one and a logistical one: that is, coming up with the sheer amount of content needed to apply this concept on a more global scale in the game world, keeping track of all of that on the part of developers to ensure the execution of all the specific parts are smoothly handled, and handling the presentation of this within the game such that players clearly understand how their actions have affected and are currently affecting characters, as well as having a sense of how their actions will affect things going forward depending on the choices they make. It may be practically speaking impossible for a player to keep track of all the specific instances where their choices have had or will have a butterfly effect, but ideally when approached this should be handled in such a way that most of the time it is easy enough to understand where the player’s actions played a role and in the rest of the cases that it can be figured out with a little effort on the player’s part, whether from memory and/or from in-game means, such as questions these affected NPC’s could be asked. The challenge this presents is monumental, but the closer to complete actualization of such a system a developer out there gets, the closer they’ll have come to making a living world within their game, a horizon larger games have long sought to reach.

The dynamic of player-determined methodology toward macro goal completion even more obviously has application to genres outside of RPG’s as well, though certainly application within it too. Often up till now the majority of freedom associated with quests in games has tended to be the timing on when the steps are performed. Giving more options on the nature of approach would greatly expand this sense of freedom. Part of this could and should come from existing in conjunction with a system of emergent character development and the opportunities that creates, but beyond that consideration should be given to give more options on types of approach, level design-based pathfinding, available tools to use in gameplay and so on - within reason for what is occurring in the story - to expand that freedom further still. Consideration should always be given as well to providing instances of all the above that are unique to given quests/objectives to enhance variety in general for its own sake as well as give that specific quest/objective its own unique flavor, but at the same time never overly pushing any particular method as the “right” way of approaching it. Even the subtle implication that there is a best or better way of doing things within an objective takes away from that true sense of full player self-actualization in their approach, so care should be taken to avoid that, at least if trying to provide true self-determination for the player.

As games - especially RPG’s - are getting ever more complex, there can be a tendency to get lost in concern for how big the world is, the number of quests and characters present and of course the graphics of the experience. It is fine to expand on those aspects, but getting lost on those at the expense of not considering these other avenues of adding depth and complexity to the experience seems to me to be not seeing the proverbial forest for the trees. It is a particularly unfortunate loss considering that these systems I’ve discussed, while undoubtedly able to make good use of advancing technology in games, are not dependent on that to be able to exist. They simply require creativity and hard work from developers who realize the vast potential that can come from their pursuit. I hope as we go forward more developers will tap into this relatively untapped well to provide us depth and immersion in our games we’ve never seen before, whether in Elder Scrolls or beyond.

————

Thanks for taking the time to read my content! If you enjoyed it, please consider liking, commenting, following and especially reblogging so more people can be made aware of it, and of course consider checking out my past content. I really appreciate any support you want to give.

[nonsensical-rants]

So, I 100%ed the Kingdom Hearts Franchise.

Alright. This might be a long take, just saying that now. But I know exactly where to start. This franchise. Is not as confusing as the entirety of the internet would like you to believe. It's mostly due to bad writing decisions here and there. I mean, yeah if you wanna have every single detail and definition ingrained into your brain. Then of course it can get complicated, but what franchise lasting as long as Kingdom Hearts isn't annoyingly convoluted? I can't think of one.

So my thoughts about  the series is that they're pretty good! Both as a story and as games, with some very big exceptions. I wanna say that you should definitely not try to 100% all of these games in chronological order in rapid succession. It will drain you. I can confirm this beyond a shadow of a doubt. After I beat KH2 it really start to hit me. Chain of Memories was fine, if not a bit tedious to get all the cards and Riku to level 100. But other than that I more than enjoyed my time with the game.

Heartless are born from the darkness in peoples hearts. Nobodies are created from the husk of a body left behind in the creation of a Heartless. While Unversed are born from supreme negative emotions that live inside us all. The stronger these feelings are/the person is, the stronger the heartless/unversed and nobody. Especially strong people can keep their identity when transformed into Nobodies. Thus explaining Organization 13. Only the keyblade can truly defeat these creatures. What's so hard about describing that to someone? It isn't that far fetched in terms of the fantasy genre.

Though personally. I have an enormous hatred from Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance. Despite trying to keep an open mind about any and all forms of media I come across, I cannot ever get behind this title in the series because it is just too much and strays too far from what i consider to be "Kingdom Hearts". The gameplay was not fun for me personally, the story was iffy at best in comparison to the others and it really felt like the biggest amount of padding. If you have to do that to become a Keyblade Master, I think i'd rather stay as a rouge agent like Sora did for 99% of the series.

The dream eater system was probably the biggest factor here as for 100% completion you have to get every single dream eater, and every single skill that they can give you which means leveling a lot of them up to the point where they have points to buy said skills. Which takes forever. And then there's the Dream Eater tournaments, which I would have never gotten past without cheap strategies I found online. Usually I get everybody to max potential in these games and give the best items and accessories all around. But as soon as I got the platinum I ejected the disk and took a break. I felt like I needed it.

Alright, putting that behind us. The difference in fighting styles from game to game can get a bit jarring but in the PS4 re-releases it can usually be adjusted too in about half an hour to an hour's worth of gameplay. Chain of Memories was fun, but tedious like I mentioned. And Birth By Sleep was actually a fresh of breath air (until you get to the secret boss fights that is...) If it wasn't for my need to see that 100% bar next to the game title I would classify these games as something everybody should try out and enjoy. They are fantastic experiences. So lets go in order for a bit.

KH1 is a classic story, going through Disney worlds with a fine mix of Final Fantasy. Meeting the princesses and seeing they are "Princesses of Heart" that have strength beyond muscles. Able to use the power of Light and what not. There's a few hiccups here and there (like Cloud and Sephiroth not acting like how they are in FF7 but everyone's already mentioned that.) But aside from that and the bad platforming, its a genuinely fun game to 100% and I'd highly recommend it. Maybe even try to get cosmic arts for everyone so you can have 16-19 MP bars. It gets silly.

Chain of Memories i've already mentioned a lot so far. So I don't think I need to go that in depth. Fun to go through but wouldn't recommend 100%ing it because it takes far to long. The story is actually pretty decent and isn't that complicated. Sora and the gang lose their memories of KH1 because of the magic witch Namine, while we get our first look at Organization 13.

KH2. The golden child. Still played by many to this day and its obvious to see why. The game play is crisp and fantastic as I remember it from my youth. Traveling to Disney worlds again (and not card versions of them that have no people except for cut scenes, like CoM) and having a constant looming threat over your head while you try to have fun on your journey. Its great. I have yet to do a level 1 critical mode (as that's not required thankfully) but I did thoroughly enjoy my regular Critical play though. Story still isn't that bad yet. Organization 13 comes in full force, trying to get a new version of "Kingdom Hearts" so they can restore their humanity. I'd highly recommend 100%ing this one as well. Would also recommend maxing out your stats and putting on multiple Full Bloom+'s and Shadow Archieve+'s for the fun of it.

Birth By Sleep. Still not that bad honestly. It comes at a weird time though, and the story telling kind of requires you to have some outsider knowledge so that you're not thrown for a loop the entire time. So it feels weird to go back in the past, but also necessary for the story as a whole. Fun game to play minus the hundreds of mini games you need to do for all three main characters. If it wasn't for that I would recommend playing this game to completion. It's hard to reach higher levels though and as everyone's who played the game knows. Terra sucks at End Game compared to Aqua and Ven. I beat the Secret bosses by sheer luck and I would not go back for them. You do get to learn the origins of what makes most of the future events play out though and you even get to see younger versions of Organization 13. Back when they weren't evil!

Nothing eventful happens in Re:Coded.

Dream Drop Distance... Already talked about it. Let's move on before i'm forced to remember dream eaters and their annoyingly high pitched theme song.

Birth By Sleep 0.2: A Fragmentary Passage. Really good demo for KH3 in all honestly. I had a fun time with it and seeing Aqua's pain and journey through the realm of darkness for a whole 10 years was interesting.

And now we're at Kh3. The big game we waited so long for. And its... Alright. Nothing really spectacular. The graphics are certainly splendid and gameplay feels great! If not a bit too floaty. Thats a problem for some people, especially those who were avid fans of KH2. But I had no problem with it. I have yet to play it on critical but i've heard it makes things far more entertaining. As for story, its also alright. Not the grand ending I was expecting but it was really fun all things considered. Just another ride through more modern Disney worlds. But no Final Fantasy! I get that they feel KH can stand on its own legs now but you can't take out half the formula that people fell in love with originally. Then there's no battle arena or replayable boss fights. Doesn't have to be the Real Orginization 13. Just any replayable fights with end game gear would be enough.

As for my real problem with the games. Is the treatement of the third member of the original trio. Kairi. Oh, how this character has divided a good portion of the fan base just by existing. It feels like all the time that she is just a damsel for Sora/Riku to save and rescue. In the first game, thats fine. Whatever. She was unconcious the whole time and had her heart within Sora. Chain of Memories was a game about Sora losing his memories and Riku overcoming his darkness. Thats also fine. But in KH2. Really? She gets a keyblade and can't even handle a group of shadows? The lowest level of heartless? It's embarrassing. She's supposed to be a Princess of Heart. What's that even mean anymore? It doesn't even seem relevant.

KH2 should've been her moment to become a party member just like Riku did. I dont care that it means you could possibly not have Donald or Goofy. KH2 felt the most like the penultimate ending to the series than Kh3 did in my opinon. Having the choice between your KH1 buddies (Sora, Donald and Goofy) or the Island Trio (Sora, Riku and Kairi) would have added excellent variety and much needed development for Kairi as a person rather than leaving her as a one dimensional damsel in distress who has a Nobody with more internal conflict and character motivation. Moving past that... BBS is a prequel so nothing for the original trio except for meeting Aqua/Ven/Terra. And we come back to the dreaded DDD again.

If my vision for Kairi in KH2 couldn't have become a reality. Then why wasn't DDD Kairi's game? The set up was perfect. The heroes of light need to train to overcome almost double the amount of darkness agents. Kairi (and Axel) are practically beginners at wielding a Keyblade. It should've been their time to shine and get some love while occasionally helping Sora and Riku in their Mark of Mastery exam. Why did it have to be something you do alone? Well actually you're not alone you have the stupid Dream Eaters. Regardless it could have been the newbies learning how to get to Kh2 Sora's level while Sora goes beyond his limits.

As for KH3, it's just awful. Kairi's treatment is awful and everyone knows it. She said she was gonna help but hit one whole heartless in the finale. Better than KH2 i suppose. And as for the argument of her being "too weak" to try anything agaisnt Xemans. Really? She couldn't even like. Step on his foot? Pull agaisnt his grip or switch which hand the blade is in? Since the keyblade can teleport to your hands when you need it. I don't expect her to randomly become a Keyblade Master, but. I think we all would've prefer if she just did ANYTHING over what actually happened. It's sad. I hope KH4 will give Kairi the proper treatment and character development she deserves. But for all we know it might be another Sora/Riku dual protagonist game like CoM or DDD. What do you think?

[love-can-be-as-cold-as-grave]

Chapter 30 - Look at the Scars, You Open Me Up

[March 5th, 2017]

Liv clicked through the photographs with a beaming smile on her lips. They're absolutely perfect. Each shot whether it was with the guys in a group or individually seemed to show off each and every personality just the way Liv wanted. The glowing snowy scenery was the perfect wild, Finnish, backdrop for the snarling expressions and ebony attire. With multiple angles and locations and outfits, everyone was quick to fall in line behind Livs strict structure. The shoot had taken up most of the day, with Liv slipping in as many questions with the guys as possible during the process, asking about their personal favorites from the bands discography, asking about new music they were listening to, favorite accomplishments as a band, whether they would get back together, their feelings on the final tour, and every other possible question any fan would want to know. She could have gone longer but the sky was quick to darken and everyone had grown tired of being outside, so as soon as they'd finished they had a quick dinner of leftovers and decided to head over to a local bar for some drinks, both to commemorate the end of Liv's time with them, and the release of their public announcement of the bands break up.

"Hurry up! You haven't even changed yet!" Sirii laughed, nudging Liv from where she lay on the bed.

She looked down at herself. She'd been in the process of changing, but only made it to a bra and underwear before she'd gotten too excited about the shoot and got lost in her unedited shots. She put the camera away reluctantly and slumped off the bed, dropping to her knees before her suitcase. 

She scrounged around the heap of black fabric and pulled out a pair of black ripped up skinny jeans, a tight black and white striped T shirt, and some black heeled boots.

Finally ready she turned to find Sirii primping her own outfit in the small mirror in their shared bedroom. She’d put on a black fit and flare dress with sheer black tights and a pair of very high, and very gothic looking boots, her spiky hair accented with a small flower hair clip. “Looking nice for Kosmo?” Liv gave a smirk. It had been plainly obvious that the two had had some sort of spark, making witty comments in Finnish back and forth during the photoshoot and generally spending free time with one another.

Sirii swung their door open, holding it for Liv to follow, “pitää suunsa kiinni (shut up)” She winked at Liv before disappearing down the staircase.

Liv quickly gave herself the once over, deciding that her hair was too much of a frizz ball to be down and tied it up in a bun, small pieces of curls sticking out. She grabbed her purse and raced down the stairs, hoping she wasn’t the last to be ready, but had no luck as she spotted everyone waiting by the doorway, jackets already on.

Ville tossed Liv her parka and then the cabin keys as she stepped in to view. "Mennään! Juomat odottavat! (Let's go! Drinks await!)" He yelled, sticking his hand up in the air.

Coat unzipped Liv struggled to quickly pull on her boots, "Miehet ja heidän juomansa. (Men and their drinks.) She muttered loudly, rolling her eyes as she quickly did up her laces, balancing on one foot as she tried to lift the other higher.

A roar of laughter broke out as everyone began packing themselves into the van, the freezing night air slowly seeping in to the warm cabin through the open doorway.

"Look at you! You’re practically Finnish now!" Sirii laughed, waiting patiently for Liv by the van. "We won't be able to talk about you behind your back anymore!"

Liv rolled her eyes with a grin as her already chilled fingers quickly locked up the cabin.

The car ride was spent in anything but silence, with Kosmo blasting unfamiliar Finnish death metal throughout the van, Sirii headbanging from the front passenger seat, Ville, Mige, and Burton all trying to see how low they could sing to match the singers voice, and in the very back Liv and Linde laughed along to the chaos while Linde also tried catching Liv up on the recent accomplishments of his daughter.

The drive itself wasn’t long, and in no time they were pulling up to a quiet parking lot with a small one story bar situated in the far right corner, dirty piles of shoveled snow lining the parking lot. They quickly filed out of the van and in to the bar.

The inside of the bar greeted them with warmth. I was fairley dark within, the walls covered in rustic ornaments like a rusted scythe, and a stuffed moose head. Along the left side of the bar were booths and tables, to the immediate right of the entrance was a dark red bar, booths again running along the right wall but a majority of the right side of the bar taken up by a small stage and cleared out dance floor. The entire place was about half full, with groupings of people huddled together, pitchers amongst them, listening to the young woman sitting on stage strumming a guitar and playing acoustic covers of songs.

Kosmo motioned for them to follow him as he wound his way to a free booth close to the stage.

Liv sat squeezed in to one end, with Kosmo and Sirii beside her, across from her was Mige, Burton, and Ville, with Linde pulling up a chair at the head.

“Should we just share some pitchers?” Mige asked, perusing the drink menu.

Liv shrugged off her parka, “I’m not sure I’ll be drinking, I don’t drink much these days, but you all go ahead.”

She watched a small spark of surprise light up their faces before Ville spoke up, “I mostly have the non-alcoholic variety myself but it’s nice to partake when a celebration is in order.” He gave her a warm smile.

“Alright, just a glass though.” She smirked, taking one of the menus and seeing how much she could understand.

Mige laughed, “More for us then.”

Drinks were ordered, and everyone enjoyed their first glasses while trying to test Liv’s Finnish know-how.

“This is an important one, Onko sinulla kondomia?” Burton laughed, face already red.

The rest of the guys burst out laughing, almost spitting out their drinks.

Liv rolled her eyes, “You guys are so immature. My boyfriend speaks pretty darn good english so I don’t think I’ll need to ask him in Finnish if he’s got a condom any time soon thank you very much.”

“Kosmo,” Sirii said, fixing her flower clip, “want to dance?”

He nodded silently and slid out of the booth, linking arms with her and bringing her to the dancefloor where two other couples were already dancing.

Liv smiled with genuine warmth, happy that the world had brought Sirii and Kosmo together, hoping that despite their distance maybe they could make it work. “You two are adorable!” He called after them.

"Come on! Join us!" Sirii urged as Kosmo spun her around.

Liv shook her head with embarrassment creeping a pink blush across her cheeks. She took a sip of her beer, hoping they'd drop it.

Mige patted Ville on the shoulder, "Ville be a good man and take the girl for a spin." He chugged back the rest of his mug.

Liv looked away, her blush growing brighter. It wasn't just the emptiness of the bar that made her hesitate, she wasn't sure how comfortable she felt being so close to him. They had talked yes, but being held again by that person is different. They'd both been keeping a relative distance between each other until now, which she'd realized she had needed.

Ville opened his mouth to protest but Mige had already scooted him off the booth seat with a guffaw, to which Ville answered with a menacing glare, a glare which soon faded into a lighthearted smile. "Alright Liv, give me a twirl, for old times sake?"

Liv pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes jokingly at him, "I don't think we ever slow danced together back then?" She crossed her arms smirking, Linde snickering beside her.

Ville slipped off his sport coat, beneath he was wearing a black deep V shirt. "Well then it can be a new tradition as friends." He brushed back the curls from his eyes, beckoning her jokingly with movements of his head.

If this doesn't bother him then it shouldn't bother me. She pulled out her voice recorder from her coat pocket "Care to conduct a dance interview?"

He laughed, exposing his toothy grin, the small laugh lines appearing on his face "A dance interview?"

[Song Recommendation:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkxSU__Bi3w   ]

Liv got up, swigging back the last of her beer and clipped the small voice recorder to the collar of her shirt, and turned it on, hoping the distance wouldn't make it too hard to hear the interview.

He extended his hand out for her in a gentlemanly manner.

Liv collected herself for a moment, looking down at his outstretched palm and then back at his smiling face, before taking hold of his rough ringed hand.

She sucked in a jagged breath at the sensation of her hand in his, at the sensation of their skin touching, as he led her to the nearly empty dance floor where Sirii and Kosmo danced. Those hands, they'd held her, stroked her, she could still remember the feeling of his cold rings making her jump as he traced circles across her back. She could remember the sound of them, their tinkling as they were shaken off his fingers on to the tour bus floor.

She shook her head, trying to shake off the memories as he stopped, finding a spot he liked. He guided her hand to rest on his upper arm, taking the other in his own and gingerly placing a hand on her hip. Livs mind was too flushed with memories to react, and so she let him begin to sway her gently back and forth.

The lighthearted friendly tone seemed to suddenly vanish as he held her, body inches away. She felt lost in the moment, as if she could melt right into his arms. She wondered if he felt it too. She'd read in an article once that being with someone created patterns in the brain, neural pathways, and if your bond with someone was strong enough, seeing them again, your body will instinctively yearn to retrace those pathways. Is that what's happening now? My brain playing tricks on me?

She felt his hands beginning to sweat in hers.

She took a deep breath.

This can't happen, she pushed the thoughts away and cleared her throat. "How do you feel about this year being the end?"

Suddenly he had stopped meeting her eyes, his gaze fixated just beyond her face, his hands holding her so carefully it felt he was on the verge of letting go. "I am terribly excited to have the time to work on my side projects, as I'm sure the other gentlemen have also said." He smiled, a smile that didn't quite meet his eyes.

Liv nodded, eyes staring off beyond him at the young woman as she performed. "Can you hint at all what these side projects may be?"

"Ooh, just some work with a video game and perhaps the revival of an artists unreleased music, but that is all I should say." He finally looked down at her, a small smile playing on his lips, the green pools of his eyes twinkling in the low bar lights.

Livs heart began to pick up. She looked away. "What uh, whatever happened to that album you wrote?" She wasn't sure why she was asking the question, but she'd been genuinely curious, and it just slipped from her lips.

"Is this a question for the article or for yourself? He cocked his head to the side, inquisitiveness on his features as he caught her gaze once again.

She looked away, shrugging as their bodies continued to sway, heart continuing it's rapid beat, a jackhammer in her chest, "For myself, I guess."

The greens of his eyes saddened and he slowly let go of her hip, gripping her hand tighter and guiding her body into a twirl, catching her as momentum brought her body back to his. He looked up at the bar lights, words playing on his lips as nothing came out right away. "I've always put my heart raw and bare in to everything I've written,  but that album just, I didn't feel comfortable releasing it, although it's mostly recorded. Perhaps one day, but not any time soon."

Liv nodded silently, she'd suspected something had happened. She wasn't sure if she'd release something like that, so closely tied to her heart, but then again, torn and bare she'd let her pain show in every gallery installation of her personal work.

"Liv?" He almost whispered her name, bringing her eyes back to him. "When you leave tomorrow, will we go back to limbo? Or do you think we can remain friends?" He twirled her slowly again, hand remaining on her waste as she spun.

She'd been feeling the same way. Seeing him again, although the love had been lost, she'd yearned for his company, unsure if it was selfish for her to covete it, unsure if he'd been playing nice this whole time, or if it was truly possible that despite everything that had happened between them that the scraps left could be turned in to something whole, something new. "I think that would be possible." She nodded, hand giving his a gentle squeeze of affirmation.

As the song ended they untangled themselves from one another quickly.

Ville bowed, the tenseness of the moment gone, the cheerfulness returned, "Thank you for the dance, although not much interviewing happened."

Liv shrugged as they began walking back to the table, "I got most of what I wanted during the shoot I think."

As they both scooted back into the booth, Liv caught Siriis eye from where she still swayed on the dancefloor with Kosmo. Her expression was one of dying curiosity, brows furrowed, eyes wide with questions.

***

They'd just taken off, flying above the heavy snow clouds when Sirii turned to Liv. "So I've been a detective! Correct me if I am wrong. These Finns were the Finns you knew when you were in Hells last. What you never mentioned was how close you all had been. And then talking with Mige I find out you and Ville Valo, the Ville Valo, were once an item." She unbuckled her seatbelt as the overhead light indicated it was okay to do so, turning eagerly to Liv. "Have I got all my facts right so far?"

Liv kept her gaze out the small window, ice crystals already beginning to form as the Finnish landscape below grew smaller and smaller. "Yes, yes you do." She couldn’t fault Sirii for her curiosity, they had been working for each other almost three years at this point with Sirii actually moving to LA, so there hadn’t been much that wasn’t talked about in that time span, except Ville.

"What happened between you two?" She asked softly, caringly.

Liv sighed, pulling out a book from her carry on and flipping down the tray in front of her. "It's a very long story, one I don't particularly care to share right now, I’ll tell you though, when we’re back in LA.” She pulled out her bookmark and stared at the open pages, not reading, but thinking, thinking about everything that had happened during the trip.

Sirii began absentmindedly flipping through one of the flight magazines, "Okay okay okay, but tell me then, why don't you two get back together? We saw it, we all saw it, your uh, what's the word, your chemistry?" Ah yes, that was the glint in her eyes last night, well chemistry doesn't have to be romantic. 

"I’m not sure you’d be saying that if you actually heard the story of everything that happened." Liv laughed sarcastically. "We had our chance and we both blew it." She shrugged, trying to focus again on her book, "We aren't the same people, it wouldn't work out. He's just a friend now."

****

[October 26, 2017, Los Angeles]

Liv peaked out from the covers, the morning sun shining warming rays in to her bedroom. She reached out, trying to feel if Quinton had already gotten up, but the space next to her was empty. She stuck her head out and spotted him on the balcony, talking with animation on the phone, pacing back and forth, gesticulating with his hands. The sun lit up his blonde hair. He was shirtless but for a pair of blue boxer briefs.

He spotted her, stopping his pacing and ending the call as he slid the balcony door open. "You're not going to be happy."

Liv sat up, flipping her messy hair out of her eyes, "You've got a job?" She couldn't fault him, he had to work, and half the time she was running just as crazy of a schedule than him. She really had been hoping he'd come tonight though. Maybe it was odd, weird, or stupid, but a part of her wanted to see what the guys thought of him. She didn't need anyone's approval but it would have meant a lot to know they liked him.

He nodded, "Sorry babe, I'll be back tomorrow night, maybe we can go see that movie you wanted?" He kissed the top of her head and turned to the dresser, pulling out clothing.

Liv sighed before getting up and throwing on a black silk robe, tying her hair up in a bun. "If my shoot doesn't run late then yeah. I guess just text me when you're getting in." 

He blew a kiss towards her from where she sat on the edge of her bed, watching him change. He quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and black T shirt, combing through his hair, grabbing his travel bag and giving her a peck on the cheek before leaving, the familiar sound of the door locking was the final indication she was alone.

The apartment was unsettlingly silent. She sighed, getting up to make herself a coffee and to attempt a tofu scramble when she heard a faint ding coming from her cellphone on the bedside. She peered over at the lit up screen. 

Incoming email, subject line: what is this provocative shit you're making me read.

***

[Anaheim]

"Wait wait, what?" Marcus stopped walking, placing a hand on Livs arm to stop her too, his other hand gently held Hannahs.

"What?" She adjusted her bag and continued walking, the warm fall day making her hair stick to her face.

"You never told me you two stayed in touch, a, and not just stayed in touch, but stayed in touch for over six months." Marcus's expression of displeasure was partially hidden by a pair of sunglasses. Liv loved him to death but he had a terrible habit of being nosey.

Liv shrugged, "Well we did. We shoot each other the occasional message, and are doing a sort of book club thing with one another right now too." She laughed to herself, remembering the conversation they'd had as she'd tried to convince him to give this week's read a chance. "We're on 'I'm with the Band' right now."

"Well you know what, it's good to hear. I'm happy you two could move on from everything." Hannah beamed, always the optimist, always the one to curve Marcus.

The sun was slowly setting on the warm October day as the three of them walked side by side, passing families in Disney gear as they headed over to the House of Blues. Marcus and Hannah wore the same outfits they had worn the night Marcus has proposed, an homage to their marriage. Unable to find anything to wear since Quinton had forgotten to do their laundry the night before, Liv had thrown on an old Depeche Mode T-shirt she had found at the bottom of a drawer, tucking it in to a pair of high waisted black shorts, the outfit topped off with a pair of worn black converse, half of her hair out up in a small bun with the rest flowing down in waves over her shoulders. With gentle pleas from Marcus she had actually left the camera at home this time around, determined to enjoy the show as it was meant to be enjoyed, with her own eyes, not filtered through a camera or phone screen. Plus, Liv had thought as she’d stared longingly at her camera bag on the way out of the apartment that day, this will be the last show of theirs I’ll see, I have to remember every detail.

They climbed a set of stairs leading to an open plaza just as the long line of fans began to disappear through the doorway, HIM gear on full display upon each and every one. 

Liv slipped out their printed tickets from her small purse, opening up the folded paper and falling in behind the line, Marcus and Hannah following close behind.

"Tell me again why you didn't just call up your new buddy to get us in?" Marcus asked, throwing an arm around Hannah.

Liv shot Marcus an annoyed look before she handed the tickets to the tall man at the entrance to the venue, "Because I didn't want to ask for a favor, especially from an ex, so sue me. I don't think I even mentioned we were coming come to think of it. Anyways, I still got you guys tickets didn't I?" She shrugged, waiting for them to catch up as she looked around the familiar venue remembering the few shows she'd shot there, the concert excitement melting away her unamusement with Marcus, he was in a sour mood tonight. 

Liv looked towards the far right of the venues entrance space where a set of stairs led up to a small balcony area. "Guys, if you don't mind, I think I'm going to take it easy and sit up on the balcony." There was something about being in the thick of the crowds, front of stage, with certain songs playing, she wasn't sure she wanted to relive those memories.

Hannah cut Marcus off before he could say a word, covering his mouth with her hand. "That's perfectly fine, we'll find each other after the show! Thank you again Liv for the tickets, it's really nice to have a night away from the girls." She gave Liv a quick peck on the cheek and guided Marcus towards floor entrance where the rest of the throng of fans had disappeared, her hand still clasped over Marcus's mouth.

Smiling to herself Liv ascended the stairs, the opening chords of the first opening act ringing out throughout the venue, the cheers of the audience meeting the chords in a hectic harmony that Liv loved. Her favorite part of being a music photographer was shooting shows, feeling the notes vibrating in her chest, sensing the physical atmosphere of excitement radiating from the audience, getting candid shot after shot of performers in the ecstasy of presenting their art.

She found a small empty table that looked right over towards the side of the stage, spotting Marcus and Hannah who had wriggled their way through to the middle of the crowd.

She ordered herself a couple of beers which she sipped delightedly watching 3Teeth and CKY, singing along to the CKY songs she remembered from her youth watching Jackass and Viva la Bam. As CKY left the stage the excitement of the crowd was palpable, with the already close pressed bodies squishing forward, the anxious murmuring growing louder. A few roadies quickly came out to adjust equipment, but then they disappeared. 

A small shiver ran down Liv’s spine as the lights dimmed and the opening chords to Buried Alive by Love began to blast from the amplifiers. First Linde came out, his body cast in shadows. The audience roared. Kosmo then crept up to the imposing drumset. Burton like a ghost seemed to just materialize before the keyboard. In drastic contrast was Mige, already thrashing his head as he was bathed in the blues and reds of the stage lights. The screams of the audience grew in pitch as Ville walked out dressed almost identical to when Liv had last seen him. In his hand was clutched a microphone, he moved his body to the rhythm of the fast paced song as he took centre stage.

She watched the show with a new found appreciation of what they had accomplished over their career. For once she wasn’t in the wings, nor did she have a lens in her face. It almost felt like she was seeing them for the very first time, but just as she had imagined, each and every song brought back some sort of memory from the many times she’d watched them perform over the year she had travelled with them.

Slowly, with much flair, head banging, drama and flickering lights Rebel Yell, the final encore of the night came to an end. As the band waved their farewells, she noticed a small interaction. Ville had spotted Marcus in the crowd, close to the stage, and had crouched down to hear something Marcus was saying. Suddenly his eyes darted to the balcony, scanning, before resting on Liv. She gave a small smile and wave and his face lit up. He turned back to Marcus, saying something before quickly getting up and retreating off stage.

With his departure the audience began to leave too, no doubt for the merch table, Liv thought, remembering when she would race for the merch after the shows of her youth. Along with the rest of the people up in the balcony she made her way down, just in time to find Marcus and Hannah looking around for her, their faces shiny from sweating.

She laughed, “You two look like you had a good show.”

Marcus wiped his forehead with the back of his arm, eyes growing teary, “I know cause of you there’s like 2 degrees of separation between me and the band but man, I’m choked they’re breaking up, that this is the last show of theirs I’ll ever see.” 

“Aww Marcus,” Along with Hannah Liv wrapped her arms around him. It’s funny, fate, Liv mused, if it wasn’t for Marcus’s love of HIM a lot of things in my life would never have happened, especially my career.

Suddenly he broke free of their comforting arms, smiling again, “Ville noticed me in the crowd, asked us to come say hi after the show. He said to just come round back where their bus is.”

She'd figured that's what he said. She wasn't sure why she didn't just tell him they were going to the show, Liv had actually been really wanting to see the guys to ask them what they thought of the piece she had done for Metal Hammer.

"Alright let's go, I think I know the spot." Liv guided Marcus and Hannah through the throngs of fans, past the growing merch line and outside, back down the stairs and into an alley where a large fenced off parking lot was attached to the House of Blues. Some fans had beaten them there already, and Liv spotted the guys dutifully signing a few autographs in an opened section of the lot, with the gate to the side to allow the 3Teeth bus to leave. The fans thanked the band and scurried off, getting out of the way so the bus could pass through.

"Who the hell chooses to sit in the balcony at a show?" Mige yelled, hands cupped to his mouth so the sound would travel as the trio approached.

Liv gave him a warm half hug, "I'm too tired from work to be jostled around these days, see now, if a pit had opened up…"

Ville laughed, crossing his arms with a smirk, "Now that would have been something to see."

The gate was locked and the guys led them to their bus.

Liv hesitated for a second at the steps but climbed in after Marcus and Hannah. "I use to mosh. Marcus tell them!" It's not the same bus, she told herself.

Marcus and Hanna squished in at the small kitchen table next to Mige, Linde, Burton, and Kosmo on the other side. Liv leaned against the sink while Ville leaned against the closed door. He'd taken the beanie off, letting his sweat soaked curls dry, half of them clinging to his face.

"Oh yeah, she use to jump in." He laughed, lacing his hand with Hannahs above the table.

"So you both are still very much together then?" Linde smiled noticing the rings on their fingers.

Hannah nodded, "Oh yeah, and this one here is a stay at home dad with our two girls." She flashed Marcus a smile of pure adoration.

Ville slipped off his sport coat, "Two? Well well congratulations on your little family." He stood, crossing the small space and grabbing a cup of water from a cupboard. Liv scooted to the side as he filled the glass with water, situating himself beside her against the sink as he drank.

Kosmo cleared his throat, drawing all eyes on him suddenly. "Uh Liv, how is your friend, Sirii?"

Liv smiled to herself, trying to hide her giddiness. "She uh.." She dug around in her purse, pulling out a small piece of paper and walking over to the table to hand it to him. "She couldn't make it tonight but she wanted you to have that, it's some sort of note. I promise I didn’t read it." She gave him a wink as she returned to her spot by the sink.

Burton rubbed the tiredness from his eyes, "aaah, love is in the air." 

Ville leaned over towards Liv as Marcus launched in to stories of his daughters, bonding with Linde who already missed his own. "Psst. Care to step out for a cigarette?"

Liv nodded, following as Ville made for the door, calling out over his shoulder, "Smoke break! Be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail!"

"And when I'm back you all need to tell me what you thought of the article and shots!" She slipped out of the door and into the warm night, closing the door behind her and following Ville to the side of the bus where a light attached to the metal fence illuminated a small patch. He pulled a pack of Marlboros from his back pocket.

Liv did the same, sticking the cigarette between her lips but unable to find a light. Ville obliged, protecting the flame and bringing it to light her smoke. "I'm not sure how much I like our current read." He smirked, bringing up the topic of their emails with each other just earlier that day.

Liv shrugged, leaning against the metal fence, "It's a rock and roll classic, even if it reads like a young girl's diary." She sucked in a deep drag. She was glad Ville suggested they step out, the bus was feeling a bit claustrophobic, especially after the show. The night was quiet aside from the distant sounds of roadies loading up their gear for the road.

Ville ran his free hand through his still damp hair, "I'll choose something a tad different for next week." He stared up at the glowing light above them, moths swirling around it in a chaotic frenzy of want. "You should have mentioned you were coming, you wouldn't have had to buy tickets."

Liv shrugged, flicking the ash off her cigarette with the painted nail of her thumb, "I didn't want to ask a favor I guess."

Ville took a step in front of Liv, "Things are well? With work? And your chap, Quinton?"

She nodded, putting out her cigarette and tossing it out in a nearby trash can. "My family is doing well, I think I'm going to stop by and visit my dad and Grandpa in Brooklyn soon. Work? Work is busy as always, and so is Quinton. He was actually supposed to come tonight but had a last minute photoshoot he had to go to." She fiddled with the small bun on her head, "Sometimes I wish I just had the time to sit at home, reading and relaxing."

His deep green eyes fixed on hers, a touch of sadness in them. "I know exactly how you feel." He looked down, taking a small step closer and tossing the remnants of his cigarette aside, his body just a foot away. Liv noted the step, surprised by how close he was actually getting to her this time. "That year, when we were on break from touring, and you'd stay at my tower, and we'd watch movies, or you'd fiddle around on your laptop while I strummed notes without a song, not necessarily  doing anything together, just simply comforted by the presence of the other. Those are very fond memories to me, and putting aside the ills of the past has allowed me to enjoy those memories once again."

She was surprised by just how exactly his thoughts mirrored her own, as if now more than ever they were on the same page. “I know what you mean.” She managed to say, as inadequate as it was to really express how much she’d been feeling the same way lately, flushed with memories she was finally able to revisit.

She watched as Ville lit another cigarette, hands a little unsteady. He inhaled deeply before pointing the cigarette in her direction, “That shirt is the same one you had on in the hospital.”

She looked down. It was. How did he remember, after all this time.

She remembered the moment so clearly, she always had. Her body ached from having her stomach pumped, her mind ached with worried embarrassment over what she had done, she was detesting the sight of the needle sticking out from the back of her hand, internally wishing for a distraction, something, anything to grasp at to keep her from drowning in the mental ocean she was filling with anxiety.

And then came his deep voice piercing the quiet. A life raft.

And then everything changed.

She looked up from her shirt. He was even closer now. “Do you remember what you said?” Her voice was soft and weak.

He tossed his cigarette without his eyes leaving hers, “You better not.”

She wasn't sure what was happening, or what she was doing. It seemed as if her body made the decision without consent from her mind, and before she knew it she'd taken a hesitant step forward, bridging the gap between their bodies, and placed her hands on his chest, extending her body up on her toes, and bringing her lips to his, melting from within at the familiar sensation. Remembrance, having his body so close, watching his lips move, it had sparked something within her.

He pulled back, grabbing her hands by the wrists and holding them away from his chest as he looked down incredulously, his eyes wide with surprise. Suddenly his face looked strained, eyes furrowed with thought and want briefly before he pulled her back to him, lips colliding with hers in hunger, hand wind up to cup her face, and tangle in to her hair. They kissed with the urgency of three lost years, clutching at each other, unwilling to let go.

It had been over six months since she’d seen him, but on that last night, dancing, she’d wanted nothing more than to do this, to feel the softness of his lips, to be held by his rough hands, to feel the warmth of him washing over her.

But all too soon they stopped to catch their breath, and the moment was gone.

Liv stepped back, bringing her fingers to her lips, as if the sensation of his lips still lingered there, as if she could try and make it go away. 

What have I done.

She looked up, he'd crossed his arms, closing himself off, staring up at the stars, panting.

"I, I'm so sorry…" Her voice trailed off. What did I do. Why did I do that. She looked away from him, embarrassed.

A silence hung in the air.

His voice, horse with strain, finally broke the quiet, "Liv we uh, we can't."

She turned around, crossing her arms to hold herself together. "I know. I…. I know. I'm sorry I didn't mean to, it, it just…" It just what? 

Embarrassed, Uncomfortable, and unsure of what else to say Liv took a step towards the tour bus entrance, but a hand gently wrapping around hers stopped her.

She looked up in to his serious green eyes, his face full of determined sympathy. "Do you want this?"

He didn't need to be any more specific, she knew exactly what he meant. This, this was all of it, all of him. This meant stepping back, picking up where turmoil tore them apart. Or did it mean a fresh start? "I don't know." It was the truth. "I didn't think, it was an impulse. I'm happy where we are now. I, I'm happy with Quinton." She was, things were easy, things were moving along, they'd moved in together, they were happy, she was happy.

Why did I kiss him.

Ville let go of her hand and shoved his own in to his jean pockets. "Well there you have it Kul.. Liv. You are the star in someone else's sky. This was, as you say, an impulse, on both our parts. I uh, I apologize as well. We don't have to let it change things."

She nodded, digesting his words and silently left.

Is that even possible? Acting as if nothing has changed.

She was angry at herself, not only for ruining the steady friendship she’d had with Ville thus far, but also possibly ruining what she had with Quinton.

She chewed on her bottom lip, opening the bus door. Would he forgive me?

“Liv,” Marcus sighed with relief, “Our babysitter just called and Mary isn’t feeling well so we need to split.” Liv could see the worry in Hannah's eyes.

“That’s no problem, let’s head back to LA then.” She adjusted the strap of her purse and turned to the guys, who all looked just about ready for bed. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stay any longer.”

Mige waved his hand, dismissing her apology, “Stop stop, it’s fine. We’ll see each other again soon I’m sure, hell you should even come down for Helldone!”

Linde nodded as he scooted out from the table behind Marcus and Hannah, “You really should, we’ll be going out with a bang.” 

Too frazzled, her face couldn’t form a genuine smile, so she plastered on a fake one, hoping they wouldn’t notice, “I’ll uh, I’ll definitely think about it.”

She went over to each of the guys and wished them luck on the rest of the tour, and a good night, embracing them in hugs, even Kosmo, who’s shyness seemed to have dissipated.

She moved aside to let Marcus and Hannah get off the bus first, but stopped mid step as Burton spoke up, “Oh! Liv! And just so you know, you absolutely did us proud with the piece.”

Mige nodded, “It was an honour. Have a good night!”

She blushed, even more speechless now, “Thank you,” She whispered as she left, closing the bus door behind her. Her eyes immediately glanced towards where she had left Ville. He was still there, leaning against the fence, smoking. Should I wave? Say goodbye? Maybe not, maybe we need to cool down.

And then the butterflies began to fly within her. She moaned aloud with frustration, rubbing her face with her hands as she turned, following Marcus and Hannah past a set of security guards that let them through the gated lot. What am I going to say to Quinton?

***

[Music Recommendation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YfDUBboUOA    ]

She turned to glance back at him. He squinted, trying to catch a glimpse, something, anything, that could hint at what she was thinking, or how she was feeling. She was too far away, and just as soon as she’d turned to look at him, she’d turned back, black hair swaying in the dim lights of the lot.

Her figure faded into the darkness.

"Paska (shit)" He swore under his breath, half at his own idiocy, and half at the sight of their bus driver preparing the tour bus for the nights drive.

He needed air, fresh air to think, he looked down at his cigarette, well not exactly fresh air.

He wanted to yell, not with anger, but with pent up adrenaline and emotion.

He took a deep breath.

She'd kissed me, it was her, all her, I stopped it, I did the right thing, but I wanted her, I wanted her so bad. He shook his head, sliding down the fence and crouching down, elbows resting on his knees. 

He hung his head.

I asked her what she wanted, what do I want, I did not think of that did I. 

It was a question he already knew the answer to, a question that had never quite left him over the years as his wounds had closed, scars grown, and as he'd accepted the fate of their love; dead.

I shouldn't have kissed her back.

His hands balled into fists, silver rings digging into his skin. 

Once long ago, as he'd decayed in his own thoughts and a pack of beer, he'd compared himself to Heathcliff. Losing Liv had felt like truly losing her, as if she'd passed away. He'd cursed the world for being a collection of memories that she'd been his and he'd lost her. He'd cursed her love, as Heathcliff had cursed Cathy, that her love would haunt him, because as painful as the loss of her was, he'd rather have the sting in his heart than nothing at all. 

He was angry with himself that now his drunken thoughts were coming to fruition. He couldn't live in peace with or without her, that was now clear. 

Perhaps it was wrong to want any part of her, to want her friendship. I was fooling myself that this could work, and that it would be easy. But it's not working. We should have left things as they were beneath the northern lights. I've complicated things so terribly by thinking that friendship was possible for us despite everything.

He froze, remembering the sensation of her lips on his, of her body pressed against him, the warmth of her, the familiar taste of her.

He shook his head, exhaling a shaky breath, trying to wipe the image from his mind. He looked back in the direction she had left.

What will she tell her boyfriend?

Would I have liked him?

He took a deep breath, putting out his cigarette and collecting the cigarette butts around him to throw away.

He snuck into the quiet tour bus, gently closing the door behind him and crawling into his bottom bunk in the back. Knocking off his boots he lay back, bringing his knees up. His head began to hurt.

He ran an unsteady hand through his hair and stripped of his shirt. He'd dreamed of a similar scenario playing out once upon a time. A dream that fate would bring them back together, that he could hold and kiss her once again, but that dream no longer seemed realistic.

He’d moved on.

She’d moved on.

I need to stop holding on.

I need to let her go.

He ran his hands over his face, rubbing the frustrated tears from his eyes with vigor as they continued to silently stream.

I need to let her go.

[thecat-inthehat]

Death Seraph, Blight Upon This Star

Ashelia Riot: "Well met, old friend." Nivelth Ajuyn nods to her, going to stand slightly back. Her right hand comes to rest on her left shoulder. "Well met. How are you?" Ashelia Riot: "...As well as I can be." Ashelia Riot sighs, a breathy sigh that's very much her own. Ashelia Riot: "Which is why I'm hiding up in the rafters of one of the largest Garlean airships known to man." Nivelth Ajuyn advances slightly, but still a respectful distance away. "Hiding isn't all that bad, Ashe." She murmurs. "Sometimes you need to, just to collect your thoughts." Ashelia Riot: "Twelve know we've had precious little time even for that." Nivelth Ajuyn sighs, bringing her hand up to rub at her temples. "Mm. True. I'm sorry to bother you, but I ..." Nivelth Ajuyn: "I know you probably don't want visitors right now." Ashelia Riot: "No, no - if there's something urgent, I'd rather hear it." Nivelth Ajuyn: "I spoke with Zalera. Well... I had a conversation with him." Ashelia Riot senses something amiss with you. Ashelia Riot: "What did he have to say?" Ashelia Riot: "He's... the other seraph. The Death Seraph. Yes?" Nivelth Ajuyn: "A few things, some of them worrying, others... obvious." She nods again. "Yes. That's his title. From what I was able to glean, he deals with death and poisons, and other such magicks." Ashelia Riot: "I see." Ashelia Riot can't help but feel as though she already knew this somehow. Nivelth Ajuyn: "I ... recorded the entire conversation, if you wish to see it. But ... you're likely going to be mad at me."

Ashelia Riot can't help but sigh again at that. Ashelia Riot: "We've come this far, haven't we? Let's hear it. Nivelth Ajuyn instead pulls out her grimoire, and flips to a section of pages, before handing it over.

I have fallen under possession. It lasted approximately forty seconds, and I spoke with a voice that was not my own, and burned through Ashe’s glove. I was aware of myself the entire time, but it was as if I had taken a step back, out of my body. I felt as though my body was being moved without my say so, and my vocal cords were tightened to create a voice that was not my own. But as quickly as the control had come over me, it was gone. I have spoken to Hinako, to Akhutai, and they both say that trying to speak to the stone would be a bad idea. But I -- he spoke of things, asked Ashelia questions. No, he asked the stone she carries. [the writing takes a different slant, as if from a different angle] I have meditated on this for roughly two bells. I am going to give him a pen, and record a written conversation between the two of us, with him taking control over my left hand to do so. This is not smart, but I want a record. Althyk forgive me, this is not smart. [The rest of the page is blank, and the next page starts with a completely different style of handwriting.] Foolish child. You willingly give me control simply to talk to me? You’re speaking back. And every time I’ve attempted to speak to your stone, I never hear a voice, only a woman’s shriek. A host with a modicum of a brain amuses me. My shamaness agrees. What then, do you wish to speak of, little poison wielder? Why did you choose me? Or was I simply the first to find your stone? Like calls like. You work in poison and deal with gods, therefore you were the perfect candidate for me. Mateus drove you to keep the stone, lest you set me down again. I see. Oh, how angry you are. Such sweet emotion I’ve not supped on in years. Why are you augmenting my spells? Ignorant Child. You infect the host first, and by the time they realize something is wrong, the poison has run too deep to be done anything about it. So you’re giving me power in order to take me over. Yes. Are you going to make me your new shamaness? Don’t flatter yourself, child. You are a host, as Marquis Messam Elmdore de Limberry was before you. [The paper has some illegible writing on it, and skips down several lines. It looks as though the lines were scratched out in anger.] Why did you ask Ashelia if it was enough blood? The sacrificial altar, I mean. Needs must. Our Lady has yet to rise, and requires a glutton of blood. A mere trifle will not awake her, but … You’re hesitating.

It stirred something inside that Lady you hold so dear. And I am ever so eager to see it rise. 

Ashelia’s face undergoes a variety of changes as she reads through the parchment. The moment she reaches the word "shamaness," her eyes go wide; she trembles once or twice, stares in anger, and makes a motion as though she's about to raise a hand to her mouth. Through it all, she can't help but shake a horrid, nauseating familiarity in the deepest pit of her stomach - a memory that is not hers, one that will not fully take shape but nonetheless fills her with dread at this creature and its power. Ashelia Riot stares in fear. Nivelth Ajuyn stares up at her, watching her face. "... You know the story, dont you?' She murmurs. "About the shamaness and Zalera? I've... only been able to learn a little..." Nivelth Ajuyn: "Or, at the least, it's familiar to you." Ashelia Riot: "'He seized one of the gods' servants as a hostage and rebelled against his creators. Even now, in defeat, he clutches the shamaness to him in his right arm, and with the aid of her death-wail does he summon the soul of darkness to do his bidding.'" Ashelia Riot speaks the words as though from memory. Ashelia Riot: "But I... I've never heard such a tale before." Still, the pit in her stomach grows stronger. Ashelia Riot misses her father keenly in that moment, and the sudden emotion is nearly enough to bring her to tears. Nivelth Ajuyn reaches out to touch her, seeing the anguish on her face. "A-Ashe?" She asks, worry showing on her face. Ashelia Riot steps back, remembering instinctively the last time Nivelth Ajuyn touched her.

Nivelth Ajuyn blinks, and shrinks back, unable to meet Ashe's eyes. Her hand goes to rest on her shoulder again. "I ... I'm so sorry." Ashelia Riot: "N-No, I am. I'm fine, I promise you. I shouldn't have..." Ashelia Riot shakes her head. Nivelth Ajuyn: "To be fair, I'm still burning through animal skins if I don't have gloves on," she says bitterly.  Ashelia Riot: "...What does this last line mean? It 'stirred' something?" Ashelia Riot: "Stirred what?" Nivelth Ajuyn looks over the lines again. "I don’t know. I tried to get him to respond again, but he ... he just shut up. I think he's teasing me with knowledge, to try and make me give more of myself to him." Ashelia Riot: "You mustn't give in." You nod to Ashelia Riot. Nivelth Ajuyn: "I know. I -- I'm used to this, Ashe. To a degree. Of greater powers trying to take over my mind, and yet--" She shakes her head. "This is completely different." Ashelia Riot: "I imagine most beings you consort with don't take control of your fine motor skills." Nivelth Ajuyn: "I don't let them." She stresses. "But this--I need information, Ashelia." Ashelia Riot: "As do we all. But if it comes at a price, you come first. Always." Nivelth Ajuyn rubs at her face, knocking her hat askew slightly. "I know that. I just... I know what he's doing to me, I can feel that he's stringing me along with information and power, but I ..." Nivelth Ajuyn trails off helplessly. Ashelia Riot stares at her, not knowing what to say and hating herself for it. Nivelth Ajuyn: "If I throw the stone away, who else will pick it up? If I use it, will I start giving into the death that i see around every corner? If I seal it away, who's to say that someone won't dig it up?" Ashelia Riot: "I mean to see that no one need ever use the stone again." Nivelth Ajuyn: "Can the stones truly be destroyed? At all? You know what they are, my lady." Ashelia Riot lets out a little laugh.

You sense something amiss with Ashelia Riot. Ashelia Riot: "If all goes as planned, there will be no more need for stones or hosts." Nivelth Ajuyn tilts her head just slightly. "No...?" She asks, and, unconsciously, her left hand moves to the stone in her robes. "The stones are fragile creatures, which is why Lucavi take hosts..." Ashelia Riot smiles at Nivelth Ajuyn. Ashelia Riot: "And what of the resurrection?" Ashelia Riot: "From the storm of blood we shall be anointed, given form - unbound." Nivelth Ajuyn tilts her head, and a smile comes over her lips. "Ah, My Lady. I had wondered when I might see your face again. Given form again, how glorious that would be." Ashelia Riot smiles again, wider - far more sinister than ever before. Ashelia Riot: "Zalera." Nivelth Ajuyn bows, a sweeping gesture that brings to mind a cloak flaring out behind her. "Your word is my Will, My Lady." Ashelia Riot beams with delight at Nivelth Ajuyn. Ashelia Riot: "And you have never failed me." Nivelth Ajuyn: "What might I do, to make this glorious dream of yours a reality?" Ashelia Riot: "That which you do best, my old friend: bring death to those who oppose us." Nivelth Ajuyn 's eyes close in sheer delight. "Of course, my Lady, my Queen." She reaches up with her left hand, as if to cup Ashelia's cheek. || As Nivelth Ajuyn's fingers touch her face, there's a golden glow - and for a moment, Nive's skin appears healthy, utterly rejuvenated. Nivelth Ajuyn smiles at her, and murmurs a soft, "My Lady is too kind." In the next moment, Ashe steps back as though she's been slapped as a sudden wave of nausea hits her. Ashelia Riot: "The Undercity...?" Ashelia Riot: "I'm sorry. I need to rest." Nivelth Ajuyn pulls her hand back, and blinks. "Ashe, are you alright? You suddenly went dizzy..."

Ashelia Riot nods. Ashelia Riot: "I'm feeling like I may vomit." Ashelia Riot: "Thank you, Nive. I... I have to lie down." Ashelia Riot departs in a hurry, unable to remember most of what they discussed. Nivelth Ajuyn watches Ashelia go, her left hand tingling slightly. She brings it up to look at it, and can't stifle the gasp. Smooth, unblemished flesh. Nivelth Ajuyn can't shake the feeling that she missed something very important.