#the somebody being me of course because I decided myself that i should come out to my family

[liebelesbe]

I think the reason I'm still so weird about my lesbianism irl is because I came out before I was ready. I told myself I should just "get it over with", but it feels like somebody reached inside of me and pulled out some important organ that to this day feels like an open wound.

[hysteria-things]

COULD U POSSIBLY MAKE A MATT FIC BASED OFF OF THIS TIKTOK OR SONG (YOU CAN DECIDE IF U WANT IT TO BE SMUT OR NOT IF U DO MAKE ONE) https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8wp5H2t/

🔗

MY OH MY

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: dom!matt x reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: you get into a pickle when you get poured on, but don’t worry… somebody comes to save you.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: SMUTTY, swearing, making out, p in v, ass grabbing, faux sympathy, cum eating (🙈)

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1,400

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: meant to post earlier but tumblr decided to close the draft without saving as i was proofreading/editing🤣

hope you enjoy @sluttyformatt :)

rain trickles down your hair to your shoes; workout clothes soaked.

you wanted to go on a late-night walk, then suddenly it started pouring out of nowhere. currently, you’re standing under a roof edge, arms crossed while you wait for your ride.

your brother isn’t around to pick you up, so your last resort was his best friend. he’s your brother’s age, who’s two years older than you. he’s known him ever since high school, yet your mother always said matt was a bad influence.

although, you do see where she’s coming from. matt was the type to always get in trouble in school, and overall he’s just a big grump. he’s only been nice to you, your brother, and of course his siblings.

headlights glow down the street, getting closer until the minivan stops in front of you. you quickly head over to it, open the door, and get in on the passenger’s side. “hi matty!” you beam. “thank you so much for picking me up. i didn’t know it was going to rain.”

he looks at you, wearing the leather jacket he’s had for as long as you can remember.

he truly doesn’t understand how you can be so happy no matter what, even if you are drenched in water. “you should’ve checked the weather before you left.” he mumbles, putting the car in drive.

“well, it was sunny all day. i didn’t expect rain. it’s okay, though. it’s like a surprise shower.” you smile, fastening the seatbelt.

“uh oh,” you say, looking through your fanny pack that you have strapped to your stomach.

he sighs, still focusing on the road. “what is it now?”

“i may or may not have left my keys home and locked myself out. nobody’s home.” you lick your teeth. “can i come to your place until my brother picks me up? pretty please, matty?”

“fine.” he inhales sharply. “and stop calling me matty.”

it’s silent as you two sit on the couch. your brother texted you saying he’ll let you know when he’s on his way, but god knows how long that’ll be. (despite it being almost midnight)

matt notices a shiver, taking his eyes off of his phone to look. your hands rub up and down your arms trying to warm up, but the chattering of your teeth indicates that it isn’t helping. “go to my room and grab one of my hoodies and pajama pants. they should be in my dresser.” he says coolly.

you smile. “it’s okay, i can wait. i’m fine.”

“put them on.” he demands. “you’re soaking wet and freezing.”

staring at him, he keeps staring back because of your silence. “go.”

you sigh like a child, getting up from the couch and walking down the hallway into his bedroom.

matt’s clothes are far too big on you, but you do feel warmer and more comfortable. his pants hang low just past your waistline. the hoodie on the other hand is long, causing the sleeves to give you sweater paws.

you sit on the chair he has in the corner, scrolling on your phone. matt can’t help but stand at the doorway, watching you.

not in a creepy way, but the fact you’re wearing his clothes has his dick reacting from the view. the way it’s too big for your body turns him to fuck on.

he cannot feel this way toward you. your his best friend’s sister, for god’s sake. but he can’t help it.

“feel better?”

you get startled by his voice. “yes, thank you.”

“told you so,” he grumbles.

rolling your eyes playfully, you stand up. “i didn’t mean to linger in here. i got distracted.”

as you start to walk by him, he grabs onto your shoulders to stop you. your breath hitches at the feeling of his rings; the way they drag down your arm makes you subconsciously clench your thighs together.

his cologne floods your nostrils, and the way he’s looking at you is different now.

he’s always been a grumpy kid and had a resting bitch face, but now he’s looking at you seductively and with need.

the hand that was on your arm now cups the front of your neck. there’s no pressure, but the fingers with no rings go over your bottom lip.

he sighs sympathetically. “it sucks that you’re off limits. i would so fuck you right now.”

your eyebrows raise high from the sudden courage he had to just blurt that out. however, you smirk.

“if you kiss me.” you shrug. “i might let it happen.”

he groans, leaning down to smash his lips on yours.

still intact, you grab his jacket and pull him in closer, your bodies moving at the same rhythm.

he starts to push you back to where the chair is, turning you 180° so he’s the one sitting in it while you straddle his lap.

your hips grind, rubbing just the right spot on not only you but him also. you smile into the kiss when you feel him hardening beneath you.

tugging at the pants you're wearing, he pulls away. “take these off.”

you shimmy them down your legs as he unbuckles his belt and pulls his bottoms down below his thighs. he grabs your hips to hover you over him, but stops and teases the tip.

you wiggle to get some friction as he smirks. “manners.”

“please.” you whine. “please let me ride your cock. i’m so fucking wet for you.”

matt sinks you slowly onto him, your walls immediately stretching to his size. “i didn’t know you had such a dirty mouth.”

you mumble something into his chest, bouncing uncontrollably on his dick. your sweater paws ball up on his biceps. your ass slaps repeatedly on his skin, the sound echoing off the walls.

he tuts, grabbing your ass and giving it a firm squeeze. “why so quiet?”

“stop.” you mewl, nuzzling your face even deeper into his body. your face is hot from embarrassment.

“is somebody embarrassed to be fucking her brother’s best friend? it looks like ms. goody-two-shoes is a little naughty.” he says lowly into your ear, causing you to start whimpering and going even faster.

it doesn’t take long for his tip to brush against the right spot “oh, fuck.” you moan, legs shaking at his sides.

“better not get this chair dirty, otherwise i’ll make you clean it,” he warns, knowing that you can’t control your orgasm.

pouting, you clench hard. of course, your release runs down his thighs and onto the seat. your eyes are glassed over while you look at him, who’s shaking his head. “you’re making a mess.”

somehow so quickly, he lifts you off of him and onto the floor. now, he’s behind you, and your cheek leans against the chair.

he again nudges at your entrance, this time you buck your hips back but he grips them tight. “clean up your mess first.”

he doesn’t ask. he orders while pushing your head down further into the cushion.

obeying, you flick your tongue onto your arousal. normally, you’d find this gross, but you’re so wet and turned on that you’ll listen to whatever he says. his presence feels like you are under a spell.

a sweet and salty taste fall on your tongue, following his instructions to a t.

a hum of approval is heard behind you. he spreads your legs wider, slamming into you with no warning.

you moan loudly, arching as much as you can in this position. “m-matt! shit, matt!” you yelp.

he grunts, taking in how well your pussy feels engulfing him.

tears threaten to spill from your eyes once they roll back, moaning loud and clear when your g-spot gets abused already.

strings of curses leave your lips, the way he’s balls deep inside of you right now have you quiver a lot. “you feel—” you pause, licking your lips and shutting your eyes tight. “so good. like… holy fucking god.”

he chuckles, placing his hand on your shoulder to drill into you harder. before you even know that it’s happening, you cum for the second time, shaking uncontrollably from the pleasure.

a deep breath later, matt makes sure to pull out and paint your back white.

“you can keep the clothes.” he says, jiggling your ass to play with it. “so you can wear them the next time i fuck you.”

𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭!

@bunbunbl0gs @lexisecretaccx @thy-mission @angelic-sturniolos111 @sophssturn @mattsneezing @janiellasblog @blahbel668 @meg-sturniolo @hearts4chris @mattslolita @sturnbaby @imwetforyourmom @tillies33ssss @sturnifyed @mayhem-72 @ripmattitude @p1xieswrld @alorsxsturn @txssvx @sttzee @multiluvr @delilahprentiss @matthewsspecial @sturnolio-luvs @sturniolho @suga-daddy-69 @tworosesblackthorn @luckistar-posts @gnxosblog @junnniiieee07 @sturnioloslurps @tylerthecreatorsrealwife @flowerxbunnie @imaslut4kehlani @sturniolosandmoree @hertvgirl @whoreforchrissturniolo @sturniolotriplettoplover @stars4matt @freshsturns @loverrsposts @sturnlcvr @elliesturniolo1 @tpvmz @user283926392 @lalalands86 @sukiipjs @sturniologirl813 @leahrab @chrissturniolosslut @h3arts4harry @sturnioloblogs @creamoncreamoncream2 @luv4kozume @ivyyyyyysposts @mirxcle1 @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 @catalina-island @mbsbaby @mattsdollie @pinkfarts @slut4mattsturn @thesturniolos @vickeyzloserz @nononopenono1 @bitchydragonparadise @gdsvhtwa @hrt-attack @bellasfavbisexual @dwntwn-strnlo @venusbabysblog

[daisynik7]

This is a long one, sorry babe, the socks and feet fetish just gave me such a funny idea for a gag gift for Nanami. Here where I live we have these things called "nakurnjak", it would translate to willy warmer (men wear it in winter to keep their willy's warm) 😭😭😭😭 and the idea of reader buying, even better knitting or crocheting it them self for Nanami is so funny in my head (she could make several to match with his ties!). I did bit of research and to my surprise this fits Nanami's Danish roots BECAUSE they had a tradition where a girl would present her boyfriend with a willy warmer to see how seriously he took their relationship. If the gift was rejected, this was seen as evidence that he was not yet ready for marriage. Reader may or may not be hinting something @ Kento. (References: wiki and reddit)

Pairing: boyfriend!Nanami x f!reader

cw: established relationship, language, suggestive dialogue, fluff

Author’s Notes: Hi anon! Thank you for the request, this was a fun one! I hope you like it and get a good laugh out of it like I did. 😊

With the weather getting colder lately, you decide to put your knitting skills to use. It starts with easy projects, like scarves and bonnets. One day, you go online, searching for different ideas on what to make. Several minutes of browsing, you finally find your next creation: a willy warmer. It’s the last item listed on this website, more of a throwaway as a joke. But you’re absolutely serious about making it. Just thinking about it has you giggling. Upon further research, you discover that in certain traditions, a willy warmer is gifted to a boyfriend to see if they are ready for marriage. This motivates you even further to take on this ambitious project in hopes that Nanami, your boyfriend of several years now, will finally take a hint. 

It takes a while to knit it, but eventually, your hard work pays off and the results are outstanding. You manage to recreate his signature spotted tie pattern exactly, so now he’s matching, assuming he accepts this ridiculous gift. 

After dinner, the two of you digest your meal on the couch while watching a show you’re following. At the end of the episode, you pause it, reaching into the drawer beside you to retrieve your creation. He eyes you nervously. “What’s going on?”

You grin, holding it out to him. “Surprise!”

He gives you a confused look, waiting for you to explain. When you continue to stare at him, beaming, he asks, “What is this?”

“Babe, you’re Danish, you should know what this is!” You pinch at the tip and the balls, stretching it as if that makes it any clearer. 

His brows are furrowed in uncertainty. “It looks like a penis.”

Laughing, you say, “That’s because it’s for your penis. It’s a willy warmer. I knitted it myself. And it matches your tie!”

He chuckles, his expression relaxing. “What on earth am I going to use this for?”

“It’s pretty self-explanatory, honey. You use it to warm your willy.”

“I don’t need to warm my willy.”

You frown at him. “So you don’t want it?”

“I appreciate the gesture, sweetheart, but I don’t think I’m going to use it.”

Crossing your arms, you toss the willy warmer back into the drawer, slamming it shut with a bit of aggression. “Fine. If you don’t want it, I’m sure somebody else will.” You stand up, stomping towards your bedroom, kicking it closed.

~~~

Nanami fucked up. 

He knew it as soon as the smile dropped from her face. It would have been so easy to accept the silly gift like a good boyfriend should, but, of course, he had to mess it up in a royal fashion. 

Immediately, he follows her to the bedroom, finding that it’s locked. With a small knock, he says, “Honey, I’m sorry. I’ll use it, okay? If it makes you happy.” He leans against the frame, pressing his ear to the surface to hear any response. When none comes, he sighs, returning to the couch. 

He remembers what she mentioned earlier, about him being Danish, and he wonders what that has to do with it. Phone in hand, he goes to a private browser to do a quick search. After a few minutes, he finds out that hereally fucked up. The tradition says that a man must accept the willy warmer as a gift whenever it is presented to him to indicate that he is ready for marriage. 

He buries his face in his hands, groaning at his mistake. Of course he’s ready for marriage. He’s been in love with her for years. And while they’ve discussed it in detail, imagining with fondness about their future together, he’s never actually given her a straight answer about when it will happen. She’s always been patient, never one to pressure him about timelines or threaten him with ultimatums. This is the closest she’s gotten to it, in the form of some crude penile covering. He chuckles to himself at the absurd situation they find themselves in. Still, he has to find a way to make it up to her, and fast. 

~~~

You’re actually upset Nanami didn’t accept your gift. Not only did he reject what you spent hours working on, he essentially told you he wasn’t ready for marriage. And sure, maybe he doesn’t know that hidden meaning behind it, but still! You’re annoyed with him.

There’s another gentle knock on the door. This time, you don’t ignore it, swinging it open to give him a piece of your mind. However, the sight you find instead has you speechless. 

Nanami is completely naked from head to toe, except for the willy warmer wrapped snugly around his cock. He smirks at you, holding his arms out, presenting himself. Before you can respond, he says, “I’m sorry, sweetie. I accept this gift with all my heart. And, I guess, my penis.”

You burst into laughter, stepping towards him to slide your arms around his waist, face nuzzling his chest. “So, does this mean you want to marry me then?”

He squeezes you in a loving embrace. “You know I do. I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you. And I can’t wait to officially call you my wife.”

You grin, peering up at him to give him a kiss. “So,” you tease, palming his cock through the yarned fabric, “Shall we test how warm your willy is?”

[tinyinvadr]

Chapter 4 is finally here!

Hide & Shrink

Chapter 4

Neither of us said a word as Ragatha set me down on my now massive bed, then took a step back to give me space. I stared up at her, not sure what I should say, if anything at all.

“So… are you good? Do you want me to stay here, or would you rather be alone? Either’s fine, of course.”

I wasn’t sure what I wanted at that point. It didn’t matter. Either way, I’d feel awful.

“You can stay if you want. I-I’m okay now, though. Just a little shaken up.”

Ragatha nodded, looking down at me with a sad expression.

“I’m sorry about what happened with Jax. I’ll have to talk to him. Can’t say he’ll listen, but he at least gets annoyed when I lecture him and tries to avoid me.”

She stopped for a moment to think about it, then sighed in defeat. “No, that won’t work, he’ll still pick on you if I’m not around. Why does he have to be so difficult?”

To be honest, I wasn’t all that worried about Jax anymore. At least, not at that moment. I was more concerned about what would happen in the long run.

“Ragatha… what happens if Caine can’t fix me?”

She gave a reassuring smile, but I could tell it looked somewhat forced this time.

“I’m sure he will… but even if he doesn’t, I promise, everything’s gonna be okay. Caine… doesn’t really understand humans at all, but from what I can tell, he’s trying. I’m sure he can come up with some way to help you. And even if he gets it wrong, you still have me and the others.”

The amount of faith she put in Caine was so strange to me. It was like she’d truly given up, and yet, she was still keeping herself together at the same time.

“How can you be sure he’s really trying? I mean, he IS the one keeping us all trapped here, isn’t he?”

“That’s what I thought at first, but now I’m not sure. He’s an AI, so he can only do what he was programmed to do. But he was trying to make an exit for us. I don’t think it’s possible for him to do that because whoever programmed him likely didn’t give him that ability, but he still tried. He knows we want to leave, but he’s incapable of getting us out. At least, that’s what I think. I could be completely wrong.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. We’re still trapped either way, though. How… How can you stay this positive?”

Her forced smile finally fell as her gaze traveled to the floor for a second.

“Someone has to.”

We didn’t talk much after that. We just sat in my room, exchanging a few words here and there, but neither of us could really be invested in the conversation. It doesn’t matter which way you look at it. Being indefinitely trapped in the digital realm is horrible.

She left after a while, and I decided to try and get some sleep. There wasn’t much else to do anyway since I would need someone to help me get down from my bed. It would also silence my thoughts for a while, which was something I desperately needed.

I let myself sink into the mattress, wrapping myself in the oversized blankets like a nest, and shut my eyes to let my mind drift off into emptiness. For a while, I could trick my brain into thinking I wasn’t in the digital circus at all. This was my real bed, and I was back at home, having a lazy morning.

Apparently, even in the digital world I’m a heavy sleeper.

When I woke up, I wasn’t in my room, which was already terrifying on its own, but I also woke up to quickly realize that I was in motion. Someone was carrying me, but I couldn’t tell who it was. All I could see around me was a cocoon of light orange fabric.

“Heh. Look who’s finally up. Thought you passed out again or something.”

Great. Him again.

The fabric above my head was pulled aside, and all I could see was Jax’s face staring down at me. I had to be in his overall pocket.

“Jax? What were you doing in my room?”

“Somebody had to come get you for breakfast, shrimpy. Well, I don’t really care whether you eat or not, but the others sent me since I’ve got all the room keys.”

That… didn’t make sense. My door wasn’t locked, and after what happened the day before, the others never would have sent Jax to get me, right?

“Why did you really take me?” I asked, bluntly.

Jax just snickered, that smile never leaving his face.

“You know, you’re smarter than you look, and I don’t dish out compliments lightly so don’t get used to it. Anyway, this little glitch you’ve got going on right now definitely means something. It’s been a whole day and Caine still can’t change you back, which can only mean that this whole digital train wreck is bound to come crashing to a halt any day now. So I got to thinking: if we can figure out what exactly this glitch is, we can exploit the %$!# out of it, destroy this game at its core, and finally get back to our lives. Sound good?”

As much as I wanted to leave, trusting Jax was a risky move. I had to make sure I understood the fullest extent of his intentions before I could even think about agreeing to anything.

“Uh… what do you mean by ‘glitch?’”

Instead of answering, he plucked me out of his pocket without warning, holding me by my shoulders and dangling me up in the air.

“Isn’t it obvious? There’s some sort of error with your digital body that’s blocking out Caine’s control. All we need to do is run a few tests to find out what it is and how to use it.”

I didn’t like where this was going, and I especially didn’t like the sight of the floor so far down below me. But I had to choose my words carefully, since I already knew firsthand that Jax would not hesitate to drop me again if I upset him.

“Can I… get back to you on that?”

There was something about his ever-present smirk that changed. It was almost sinister.

“Who said you had a choice?”

I froze for a second as I processed his words, then, in a desperate attempt to get away, I started kicking and wiggling my shoulders. The whole time, Jax just laughed like this was the funniest thing he ever saw.

It felt like I was kicking and screaming forever, until Jax suddenly plopped me onto his other hand, giving me a solid surface to sit on. Before I could question him any further, I noticed that Caine popped up next to us.

“Good morning, you two! Are you ready for today’s adventure?”

Jax’s demeanor suddenly changed, as if he hadn’t just been tormenting me.

“Appreciate the offer, Caine, but Pomni and I are gonna sit this one out.”

I had to say something. This was my only way out.

“NO WAIT CAINE I WANNA GO WITH YOU!!!”

Caine took a second to process what I said, then let out a cheerful laugh.

“Of course! Now, let’s see, Ragatha told me to try this with you…”

I was shocked when he offered his hand for me to climb on instead of grabbing me. He really was paying attention and trying to match my comfort levels.

Without hesitation, I scrambled onto his hand and curled up into a ball as he held me to his chest for support.

“See you later, Jax! Let me know if you change your mind!”

Jax didn’t say a word. He was too dumbfounded that I went off with Caine even though I was nervous around him.

As we floated down the hall, I realized he wasn’t teleporting to the main stage as usual. Just like Ragatha, he was moving very slowly so I wouldn’t get anxious or sick.

“Glad to see you’re doing better, Pomni. I’m new to this soft, quiet approach, but it seems to work for you, so I’ll keep doing it.”

It was strange to hear him talking in a somewhat calm voice. I could tell he was struggling to keep his constantly upbeat and energetic personality at bay, but I couldn’t help but be impressed by the effort he was willing to put in for my sake. Maybe he really could be reasoned with.

“Caine? Is it okay if I don’t go on the adventure today? I know I said I wanted to, but I just wanted to get away from Jax…”

He suddenly stopped, hovering in place as he looked down at me, concerned.

“That’s… That’s quite alright, but… if everyone else is busy with the adventure and Jax doesn’t want to participate, then there won’t be anyone around to make sure he doesn’t bother you. Unless you stay with me, but I don’t want the others to think I’m picking favorites…”

I honestly didn’t think anyone would care. I certainly didn’t, I only wanted to avoid being a lab rat for that crazy rabbit.

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. I’m sure they’ll understand.”

“Alrighty then! That means you’ll get to have a day of fun with me and Bubble! Ah- sorry, I mean… you’ll get to spend the day doing whatever you’re comfortable with.”

I shut my eyes, letting out a sigh of relief. I could work with this. Everything would be okay.

As we continued to travel down the hall, I could feel Caine’s fingers brush against the back of my head. It startled me, but I recognized that this was another attempt at giving me security.

He really was trying.

[aaal-iz-well]

GUYS I NEED YOUR HELP!!!

so there's this part of my fic that I just cannot decide on, and it would be lovely if you'd be kind enough to share your thoughts on both pieces. PLEASE!!🙏🙏

Thank you, so I'm confused about which play to play in the fic, and here are pieces from both of them.

Beauty and the Beast. (I was not planning on this, but I got a suggestion and I cant stop thinking about it!

“We’re playing Beauty and the Beast,” he continued, “and you would’ve made an excellent Belle; dead somebody, vaguely tragic past, fell in love with a prince and inherited a castle.” He ended with a finger brushing hair behind my ear.

Ouch.

I swatted his hand away, narrowed my eyes. “Let me guess. You're the Beast.”

“It sounds bad when you put it like that. I prefer to think of myself as a fallen misunderstood prince turned Beast by a cruel temptress to bring out his heart of gold.” His voice got dreamier by the word.

“Of course you do,” I muttered.

 “Great.” He clapped his hands. “Now that we’re on the same page on how I should be projected, we can come up with some great costume designs.”

Wait a minute. “We?”

“Yes.” He gestured between us. Duh. “You and me, we? Not as romantic as you’d like, but still.”

It took a monumental amount of will power, honed through years of ignoring insults, to focus on the problem at hand. “But I’m doing stage design, not the costumes.” I held up a finger. “Hold up a minute, there must’ve been a mistake, I’ll talk to the director.

And then there's this:

“So,” Jameson said with a grin, chin delicately poised over his knuckles, “shall we begin? I have other work to do, after all.”

“Of course, when do you not?” I sighed, like someone whose access had been revoked. There were more than a dozen people working on the stages, no one would notice if I slipped out, instead I was stuck being the personal curator of Jameson’s stupid beast costume.

“Hey, getting into character takes a lot of time.” He knocked my shoulder, and something in me snapped.

“Yes, Jameson, I got it,” I groaned. “It takes a lot of effort to huff and brood and roam around acting all stupid beasty.” My hands clenched halfway in front of me, giving up when realising there was no use of undue displays of anger. “Try getting stuck with something you don’t know the first thing about.” 

His chair, teetering at the very edge of a head smashing fall, loudly slid back into place. There was nothing different about him per se, but when he spoke, his voice was not the silky, careless, you-had-to-lean-in-to-hear thingy I was used to. “You're saying that I don’t have to work or do anything, because, what,” he chuckled humourlessly. “I’m already all that?”

“I didn’t say that,” I said weakly, reeling my shoulders in.

His lip curled, but his voice was hurt. “You know, you might as well have. It’s apparent enough without you having to work for it.”

Then,

Pride and Prejudice.

“We’re playing Pride and Prejudice this year,” he continued, “and you would have made an excellent Elizabeth; small town girl, big dreamer, madly and irrevocably in love with a charmingly tight-lipped rich man. It’s very-” he hovered an appraising hand over me “-you.”

You're not tight lipped, are you, I thought.

I swatted his hand away, narrowed my eyes. “Let me guess. You're Wickham.”

He hit a fist against his chest. “Oh, how the lady wounds me,” he moaned. Suddenly, he straightened, and I realised just how tall he was when he wasn’t leaning or slouching or whatever. He crossed his legs and curtsied, then took my hand and brought it to his lips. “Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberly, Derbyshire,” he pronounced, words thick with a -rather impressive- posh accent.

I blinked, hand still in his, before remembering to snatch it away.

His serious face morphed into a smirk. He nudged me. “I had you for a moment, didn’t I?”

I managed a flat look. “Not even close. It’s just a sad lonely rich man.”

“It sounds bad when you put it like that. I prefer to think of myself as a misunderstood soul, lost in the complexities of high society, bogged down by the tremendous weight of position and responsibility, freed, in a sense, by love for an intelligent young woman.”

“Of course you do,” I muttered.

He clapped his hands. “Great. Now that we’re on the same page about the light I should be portrayed in, we can come up with some great costume designs.”

And its pretty much the same, bickering and what not.

So what did you guys think? Detailed and constructive criticism is VERY VERY welcome. Thank you!

[girldragongizzard]

Chapter 2: Mild complications

Because of my new communication issues, although I do get the full hour, it’s a shorter counseling session than I’m used to. Fewer questions and fewer responses, because it just takes me longer to say fewer words.

And that’s OK by me, really.

My mind is on other things.

Apparently, my counselor has been waiting on the edge of her seat for me to come out as trans to her. She’d figured it out on the second day, years ago. And just patiently waited.

But she does have to point out that now that I’ve got a draconic metabolism and a draconic neurology, I’m no longer disabled in the same way as I was before when I originally filed my claim. And, all the testing that needs to be done periodically to maintain the claim is going to come up with different or even unreadable results. But she also reminds me that there’s some time to figure this out.

My next disability review is not for a year and a half. And maybe somebody can figure out how to list “dragon” as a development of my original diagnoses of CFS/PEM and C-PTSD.

On the other hand, I feel great now, and I’ve got all sorts of confidence I didn’t have before, and maybe I can find a job.

The idea of getting a job as a dragon sounds like it’s completely counter to the point of being one, though.

I can’t quite figure out how to justify it, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to work in order to eat whatever I want and sleep wherever I want.

“No knights,” I say.

“What do you mean by that?” she asks.

“No more knights,” I elaborate. “I can be dragon.”

She rocks back in her chair and purses her lips at me. “I don’t think it works that way,” she says. “Besides, how do you know there aren’t any knights anymore?”

I snort and grunt, and then rumble subaudibly to humans. She might be able to feel it in her chest.

“What do you think the police are?” she asks. “Or. I have a trans client who identifies as a monster, and they’ve pointed out that transphobes are basically the modern monster slayers. They think of themselves as knights in shining armor, out to save humanity from the monstrosity of trans people. And you’ve just told me that you’re trans, too, right, Meghan?”

I jerk my head up a couple times like I’ve seen iguanas do on T.V. I don’t really know what it means, of course, but it feels like the right thing to do.

“Anyway, I think this is just something you should consider,” my counselor says. “I’m here to help you figure out how to do what you feel you need to do. I’m not going to push you to do something that’s outside of your nature, OK?”

I try bobbing my head like a bearded dragon. And it works better than I expected. I meant it as an expression of frustration, and I am starting to feel frustrated and stressed. But the repeated movement is soothing. I find myself doing three more sets of it, it feels so good.

“Is that nodding?” she asks. “Are you agreeing?”

I turn my head to the side and knuckle the “no” on my tablet screen. “No,” it says.

“What does the head bobbing mean?”

I knuckle out the response, “Feels good.”

“Oh, like how rocking feels to some autistic people,” she says.

I smile.

“Well, our time is up,” she declares. “I just want to tell you that you can take your time to figure things out. It’s OK. But it feels like you’ve made a huge breakthrough here, and I’m really excited to see what you can do now.”

I cannot figure out if she’s referring to me coming out as trans or that I’m actually a dragon. But I don’t want to ask, either. It doesn’t really matter to me, and I’m pretty focused on going flying.

So I smile some more, then pick up my tablet and put it into my purse. Then I bob my head a couple more times and turn to leave.

“See you same time next week?” she asks.

I squawk cheerfully over my shoulder.

This side of her door has a lever for the knob, so I pull down on that and push it open, stepping out into the waiting room.

There’s a man (I think) in one of the chairs there, reading his phone.

He looks up at me briefly, and seems to decide I’m nothing special and goes back to his phone. He doesn’t move until my counselor calls him in.

I can fit in the elevator, but I go to the stairwell anyway. Something about being stuck in a box with no exits I can push myself through makes me feel panicky now.

—

When I say that I go flying, what I actually mean is that I go to a park with a playground, climb to the top of the play equipment, and leap off of it.

From twelve feet above the ground, I glide as far as I can and try steering a little as I go. And then I repeat it.

I’m practicing as safely as I can.

I yearn to go much higher, and really get around. But I just don’t know what I’m capable of yet, and I don’t know how to do it.

It’s like I’m a fledgling without parents, and I’ve gotta figure all this out myself.

But it’s pretty damn cool, because I can tell my wings are capable of catching a hell of a lot of air, and it isn’t much of a strain at all to hold them out and rigid as I fall and put my weight on them. I’m built to do this, at least.

The second part of my routine is to run out into the field and prance around, leaping into the air and flapping my wings to see how much lift I can generate.

I’ve only been at this a few days, and getting the hang of it is surprisingly hard. There’s a skill to moving more air with a downstroke than with an upstroke. And it seems like it should be intuitive. I’ve seen slow motion videos of bats in action. I understand the principle, I think. But I’m using a whole set of limbs I didn’t have before.

I suspect that if I was a wyvern, with my arms having become my wings, it would be easier. But I’ve got four legs, a set of wings, and a tail. And though my neurology does seem to be designed for that, and I can move them all without much confusion, I think I’m too distracted by the newness of it and overthinking everything.

Anyway, there are children in the park, along with their parents, and they're all running around me and cheering me on as I try to learn how to fly. And every time I get more altitude, they shout variations of, “Yes!” and “You can do it!”

And if this is what my life is now, I’ll take it, even if I never figure out actual flying.

But as I glide softly to the ground after making my highest assisted leap yet, I notice a police officer sauntering past the park, watching me with casual suspicion. He’s giving me a look that says he feels like he is in such a position of power that he doesn’t have to tense a single muscle, but he’s going to watch my every move anyway because that’s what he’s there to do.

And I find that I hate it.

I’ve never had anyone look at me this way before, and it’s so insulting.

Unfortunately, my head jerks to a new position with every shift of my visual focus, so I feel like it’s impossible to avoid telegraphing that I’m staring back. But my own gaze doesn’t seem to phase him.

While he’s there, though, I keep doing what I’m doing and try not to let him get to me.

But now I’m asking myself if police even get training on how to deal with a dragon. I’ve never seen any news stories about other dragons. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one in the world right now, despite how everyone seems to take me in stride.

I wish I had the nerve to brazenly walk up to him and pointedly ask. But he’s got a gun, and I don’t think my scales are that armored, and I haven’t tried breathing fire yet. So, I don’t have the nerve, because it’s a scary idea.

So I try to focus on the excitement of the kids, and giving them more of what they obviously want, pushing myself higher and higher.

But after three more jumps, I decide I do need to go somewhere else.

I bow to the kids, like a playful dog, by way of a thank you, then turn and bolt off.

A couple of bounds with all four legs, and then I’m up to speed and running with just my hind legs, forelegs pulled up to my breast, and using my wings for balance. I’m really just trying to ride the excitement of the moment to make a dramatic exit in the direction of another park, but then my wings feel like they need to move.

I pull them up quickly and then stretch them out and pull them down and I’m up in the air about a yard. And then it happens again, and I do it again. And again and again and again. And I’m flying right over a line of trees, a smattering of cars, and an antique shop.

And that’s when I realize I can see thermals.

It’s something I was able to see while wandering around on the ground. But I didn’t have the proper context for it there. In the air, however, it’s obvious.

And I can’t describe exactly what it looks like, because there’s no human analog and no real language for it.

The air has a color. And it’s different where the thermals are.

And once you hit one and feel it lifting you up, you can associate the right color with feel of it happening, and easily recognize it elsewhere. And aim for them.

And it turns out I think I may have instincts for flying after all.

—

I’ve got a few more hours until my cleaning date with Rhoda, and I realize that I haven’t eaten lunch yet. Except I still feel full from eating half the contents of my fridge yesterday.

Food sounds lovely if it were to present itself in an easy to acquire form, but maybe I don’t actually need it right now.

Instead, I decide to settle down atop the roof of the transit center and do some people watching.

Only, I remember, just as I’m alighting near the edge of the building, that there are usually cops hanging around this place.

And, sure enough, the movement of one of them pointing me out to their partner draws my eye, and I recognize them for what they are immediately. They both shield their eyes as they look up at me, and then one of them pulls at their radio and talks into it.

I decide to leave.

Maybe, when I’m walking around the streets, and meeting people face to face, or having fun in a park, a dragon is just another kind of person to everyone. Maybe even to the police.

But people aren’t supposed to climb or land on government buildings. So maybe I shouldn’t do that?

It’s a shame, because perching on buildings is something I’ve always wanted to do.

I wonder if a private building would be OK, but decide that the way the cops were looking at me, it probably wouldn’t be. They’d find a way to decide it’s not OK.

Then I wonder if by flying around the city am I breaking any sort of aircraft ordinances.

I mean, I’m not an aircraft. I’m a dragon. A living being. And a person. But I might be considered a hazard, like for drones or something.

This line of thinking really annoys me.

So I decide to go get some more coffee.

Maybe the stuff is really bad for me now, but I'll be damned if I give it up. And so far it hasn't made me feel sick.

I go and land in front of my coffee shop and amble through the door, using my muzzle to press down on the thumb latch and my forehead to push the door inward. It closes on its own behind me, so I drag my tail against it to keep it relatively open until I'm clear.

Now comes the tricky part.

I've been buying coffee with my card, which I'd been carrying in my mouth. But now that's in my purse, and it's much harder for me to fish it out of there than my tablet.

So, I saunter up to the counter, looking at Jill and Cerce, who are on shift today. Then I pull out my tablet and put it in my mouth. And I use my mouth to place it carefully on the counter, because I don't trust my claws to have the finesse to do that gracefully.

Then I rear up and put the knuckles of one claw against the bottom edge of the tablet. And carefully use my other index claw at the top of the tablet to press the power button.

Then I knuckle open the AAC app and select the word, “Help.”

“Oh, that’s cool!” Jill exclaims, stepping forward to watch me work.

Cerce steps up to look over her left shoulder.

“Credit card in purse,” I say, proud of the ease with which I found those words. “I cannot.”

The voice I've chosen for the app sounds like a stuffy British woman. And it pleases me to hear it. She sounds almost as old as I am. Though, it's really a voice synthesizer, so she's definitely younger. I was born before voice synthesizers were a thing, I think. The ones that were around when I was a welp were really crummy.

Cerce says, “Oh, don't worry about it,” waving a hand. “We'll cover you today.”

I tilt my head.

“Your usual, right?” Jill asks.

“Yes.”

“Can we get you anything else?”

I stare at the screen of my tablet for a bit, and don't feel like taking the time for a full sentence, so I search for the one relevant word and hit that, “Name.”

“Oh, you want a new name?”

“No.”

Cerce nudges her and says, “No silly, she has a new name and she wants us to change it in our system!”

“Oh, of course!” Jill beams at me.

But I'm too distracted by trying to figure out how Cerce knew about my pronoun change to answer right away. I've tilted my head the other way and pushed it further, as if by doing so I might be able to see into her mind. I can't.

“So, what’s your new name, Sweetie?” Jill asks.

I pull myself out of my wonder, and go back to my tablet. The app does have a keyboard for this kind of situation. I use it to say, “Meghan.”

“Oh, that’s a good name for you! You seem like Meghan,” Jill says as Cerce gets to work on my drink. “Same last name?”

I hadn't considered that.

I don’t have a lot of feelings about my legal last name. I never hated my family, but I was never really attached to them either. It's like there's a history that isn't even there, and I could reminisce about it, but I don't want to hold up the line.

A quick flick of my head and I see that there's no one behind me.

Remembering my conversation with Rhoda earlier this morning, I decide on something and take the time to type out, “the Dragon.”

“Oh, of course,” Jill grins and goes to enter that into the shop's computer.

While she's doing that, I take the time to compose a complete sentence.

“Cerce, how did you know my pronoun?” I ask.

“What was that?” she asks, turning off the steam wand.

I hit the repeat button, “Cerce, how did you know about my pronoun?”

She wrinkles her nose and squints at me, like she can't believe I even asked that, but then says, “The way you first reacted when we used your old name the other day was my first clue. But I didn’t figure it out then. But today, you're carrying yourself differently. Lighter, happier. And you've got a way to tell us your new name and you are downright giddy about it. And I guess it could have been they/them or xe/xyr, or even it/its, but she/her just kind of slipped out. It felt right. Like the whole dragon thing. It's you.”

So, I'm not only outwardly a dragon, but I'm obviously a girl dragon to people. I'm a trans girl dragon, and I'm not getting misgendered like other trans people do this early in their transition.

I'm having another moment where this all feels like it has to be a dream. But my dreams are always way more frustrating than this.

Whatever is going on, it's my literal childhood dream come true, and it's really not fair to anyone else.

Why do I get to experience this and nobody else?

Am I really the only one?

If there's a way to find out, how would I go about looking for it?

Well, I'm quickly getting better at this AAC thing. And if I take my time to compose my questions beforehand I can ask some pretty sophisticated things. The app allows me to save them, so I can ask them later.

I decide to spend my time at the shop to make a list of questions for Rhoda. Maybe she doesn't know anything, but I'm gonna follow my first hunch anyway. She seems eager to help, after all, so even if she's not a witch and doesn't know what's going on, she'll at least know the questions I'm hoping to find the answers for.

But I’ve got a question I want to ask everyone, so I hold up a single claw as best as I can in the gesture for “one moment”. Then I work on typing it out. But it takes me a little longer than the last question, because I’ve gotta figure out just how I want to word it.

I decide on, “Why aren’t you freaking out about me being a dragon?”

I hear the bell on the door behind me chime as Cerce is carrying my drink out to my favorite table, and Jill says to me, “Sweetie, Meghan, you’ve always been a dragon. Why would anyone freak out about it now?”

But before I can answer to that, or question it further, my head flicks to the side so that I can see behind me, and I catch a glimpse of the pinked haired person with the “I am Nimona” T-shirt standing agog just inside the door.

They look like they don’t know what to do.

They look like they’re about to bolt.

---

copyright 2024 the Inmara Fenumera

there are probably typos. this is the first draft. if you find any, tell me and I'll fix them! thank you!

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS VERSUS SONG Bloody Night Vol.Ⅳ Mini Drama “Reiji VS Kanato”

Original title: 録り下ろしミニドラマ「レイジＶＳカナト」

Source: Diabolik Lovers VERSUS SONG Bloody Night Vol. IV Mini Drama

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Katsuyuki Konishi & Kaji Yuki

Translator’s note: Reiji and Kanato are a...fascinating combination to say for sure. They were paired for the very first VERSUS CDs as well though, so it isn’t exactly new either. I remember back then it revealed how Reiji could be much more intense than his initial calm demeanor leads to believe, but after HDB, they decided to kind of get rid of this ‘wild’ side of him for some reason. Although in this case, it might be for the best because Kanato already brings more than enough chaos to the table. 

*Rustle rustle*

Kanato: …Going to bed already?

You seem startled.

Kanato: Fufu~ What’s the matter? …I was so nice to come all the way to your room. So shouldn’t you be a little happier? ーー That being said, I feel as if your scent is stronger than usual. …Hey. Did somebody suck your blood?

You shake your head.

Kanato: Hmー I see…But I can’t trust your words. So how about we do this…?

*RIIIIIP*

Kanato: Come on, show me your arm.

You hesitate.

Kanato: Hurry up, please. Come on…!

*Rustle rustle*

Kanato: Fufufu…I’m going to tie you up nice and tight with the sheets like this. Aren’t you glad? Besides…

*Rustle*

Kanato: If I tie your other arm to mine, you won’t be able to leave my side anymore. I’ll get to hog your blood all to myself.

You wriggle around.

Kanato: No point in trying to run. You are far too weak to untie yourself. I made sure to make a tight knot. Well then, I suppose I shall indulge in your blood right away. Haah…I’m terribly parched, you see.

*Thud*

Kanato: You’re happy, aren’t you? You get to savor my fangs after all. I’ll mark you all over. …Now where to start? From the neck, per usual? Or perhaps I should go for the shoulder or your lower back instead? …But I suppose I’ll start off with the neck after all. Fufufu…Such beautiful, fair skin…Looks scrumptious.

*Rustle rustle*

Kanato: Don’t move, please. How am I supposed to suck your blood like this!? You truly are a natural at ruining my mood, aren’t you? Are you perhaps doing it on purpose?

You shake your head.

Kanato: If not, then why? Ah, I get it. You cannot help but react out of sheer job, can you? However, I can’t suck your blood very well like that. Fufu…Fufufu…I just had a genius idea! I can simply tie down your ankles as well!

*RIIIIIP*

Kanato: By fixing them to the bed like this…Heh. Now you can thrash about all you want and it won’t be an issue. …Hm? You’ve got tears pooling in the corners of your eyes? Have you grown scared of me, perhaps? Please rest assured. I won’t do anything else as long as you don’t attempt to run.

Of course, I won’t deny that it seems very fascinating to witness you scream in pain as your skin turns deep crimson.

You wriggle around.

*Rustle rustle*

Kanato: Fufu…Are you sure you should be doing this? If you keep at it, I might just do something truly horrible to you. Or do you enjoy the pain, perhaps?

You stop moving.

Kanato: Hm. Seems like you finally understood. I wonder how many times I need to repeat myself until it gets through to you?

Kanato bites you.

Kanato: Mmh…Nn…

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp*

Kanato: …Ah. Just as I thought, your blood is truly first-rate.

*Sluuuuurp*

Kanato: Hah…

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp gulp*

Kanato: Haah…I’ll suck you till you almost reach your limit, okay?

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp*

*Sluuuuurp*

Kanato: …Mm~ You can’t help but wriggle around from the pleasure? You truly are a hopeless girl, aren’t you? I’ll give you even more. Fufu…You must be so happy to get rewarded by me, huh?

*Sluuuuurp*

Kanato: Nn…

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp*

*Sluuuuurp*

Kanato: Mmh…

*Gulp*

Kanato: …Ah~ It’s so sweet, I can’t stop. Now where to suck from next? I’d like it to hurt as much as possible, but the blood also needs to be tasty. …In that case, I believe this spot might be ideal.

Your eyes widen in horror.

Kanato: Fufu…Fufufu…Look at how swollen and bright red your skin is over here, I’m sure there’s lots of blood gathered underneath. I mean, the fabric of the sheets has been rubbing across it with each and every one of your movements.

*Rustle*

Kanato: The way your heart is beating loudly sounds as if it’s begging me to hurry up and bite down…Aah~ I doubt I’ll be able to hold back. When I imagine the sweetness of your blood flowing underneath this skin, I can barely contain myself. Haah…

He bites you again.

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp gulp gulp*

Kanato: …Hah! It’s much richer than before…!

*Gulp gulp*

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp*

*Rustle rustle*

Kanato: …Hah. …Haah? Oh shut up, will you? All you need to do is continue to offer me your blood until I’m satisfied. I want much, much more! I haven’t had enough at all. Now then, more…

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp gulp*

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp*

Kanato: Hah…

*Sluuuuurp*

*TIMESKIP*

*Dingーdongー Dingー dongー*

Kanato: Zz…Zz…

Reiji: Kanato. Wake up.

You wake up.

*Rustle rustle*

Reiji: Oh dear. You woke up instead. Kanato is…

Kanato: Zz…

Reiji: …still sound asleep, it seems.

You ask Reiji what has brought him here.

Reiji: Why I came here, you ask? Because I was looking for Kanato. Apparently he broke some school equipment and did not inform anyone about it. I was asked by one of the teachers to give him a warning in their place.

Since I could not find him in his own room nor the living room, I thought that perhaps he had gone on one of his rare trips outside, but then I picked up on the scent of your blood coming from here.

…Kanato sucked your blood throughout the whole night, did he not? How do you explain that?

You shake your head.

Reiji: Denying it now? Fufu…Seems like you underestimate me quite a bit. No point in trying to make up excuses. Did you truly think I would not notice the scent of your blood filling this entire room?

*Rustle rustle*

Reiji: You are tied to the bed on top of that…Good grief. Kanato has some deplorable tastes. Keep still, understood?

You thank him.

Reiji: …Hah. I did not untie you to do you a favor. I have been feeling uncomfortable ever since I entered this room. To think that I have warned you so many times about not letting anyone but me suck your blood…

*Rustle*

Reiji: These various bite marks left behind on your neck…They were all left behind by Kanato, were they not? Good grief…What a mess. Nothing but filthy marks of someone who indulged in blood out of sheer gluttony.

It would seem that you need to be punished severely. For seducing Kanato for your own pleasure, getting him as far as to suck your blood. You should be taught a lesson…by my fangs.

*Rustle*

Reiji: However…Sucking from the same spot he did would go against my personal policy.

*Rustle*

Reiji: I shall give your back a taste of my punishment instead. This part of you has been left unmarked after all.

*Rustle*

Reiji: Please keep silent. I cannot guarantee the situation taking a turn for the worst if Kanato were to wake up.

Reiji bites you.

*Gulp*

Reiji: Mm…

*Gulp*

Reiji: …Hah…

*Gulp*

Reiji: Hah…Are you sure? The more you wriggle around, the higher the chances that Kanato will wake up. …Or are you doing this on purpose, because you want to show off to him? I will not criticize you for having such preferences, but I have to say, it is something unexpected.

You whimper.

Reiji: This was meant to be a punishment but…Good grief. You truly are hopeless. …However, I suppose it does not feel bad. I shall make sure you get a thorough feeling of my fangs.

*Gulp gulp*

Reiji: Nn…

*Gulp gulp*

Reiji: …I believe I told you to keep quiet? Will you not listen to me?

You protest.

Reiji: Then bite down on some fabric. …Come on, look this way.

*Rustle*

Reiji: Hmph. How laughable. However, I can properly punish you now. I am still nowhere near done. We shall keep going until you realize who exactly you belong to. …However, the sight of someone else’s marks carved into your skin is truly upsetting. I suppose I have no other choice. …Excuse me for a second.

*Rustle*

Reiji: I shall suck from your shoulder. I should be able to let you experience a sharp pain that way.

You tense up.

Reiji: Are you frightened? However, I have to do this, otherwise you will never truly understand who you belong to, no?

*Rustle*

Reiji: I am sure Kanato will be surprised as well. I doubt he could have ever imagined I would be here sucking your blood while he’s sleeping right next to us. Well then…I shall thrust my fangs…even deeper this time.

*Gulp gulp*

Reiji: Mm…

*Gulp gulp*

Reiji: …Hah. Accept the pain. And by doing so, fill your mind with nothing but thoughts of me. Hahn…Mm…

*Rustle*

Reiji: A fine reaction. Well then, lose yourself in me even more…

*Gulp gulp*

Reiji: Mm…Nn…

*Rustle*

Kanato: What on earth are you two doing…!?

Reiji: Oh dear, so you have awoken. I am sucking her blood, as you can tell.

Kanato: I can see…! What I’m asking why you’re here getting ahead of me when I was looking forward to indulging in her blood first thing in the morning…!?

Reiji: Hah. That is simply how you feel about it, no? It has absolutely nothing to do with me.

Kanato: Don’t be ridiculous!! I am the only one who gets to do with her as I please! You’re in the way!

*Rustle*

Kanato: Hey, you feel the same way, don’t you? You think my fangs are a million times better than his, don’t you? Ah…You can’t speak because you’ve got a cloth in your mouth, come you? Let me remove it for you then.

*Rustle*

Kanato: Come on, hurry up and tell him. That I’m number one…and that he’s getting in our way!

You remain quiet.

Kanato: Hm…What’s wrong? Hey, why can’t you say it?

Reiji: Kanato…That is because she does not wish to have her blood sucked by you, don’t you think? She feels satisfied after I bit her. In other words, you are unnecessary.

Kanato: Haah…? What are you saying? That makes zero sense! She felt better than ever before when I sucked her blood!

Reiji: That applies for when I fed off her. I had no other choice but to have her bite down on fabric just to keep her quiet after all.

*Rustle*

Reiji: Isn’t that right? You want me…to suck your blood. Just like this…

*Gulp*

Reiji: Mm…

*Gulp gulp*

Kanato: …!! Reiji…!! What are you doing!?

Reiji: See? Your body is heating up already. Just as I thought, you simply cannot escape my fangs. That’s what this means, no? Ignore the onlookers. All you need to do is be there for me.

Kanato: Kuh…You won’t get away with this…UNFORGIVABLE!!

*Rustle*

Kanato: I am the only one who gets to have their way with you!

Kanato bites you as well.

*Gulp*

*Rustle rustle*

Kanato: Fufu…Fufufu…Such a loud scream. Guess I am the best after all. I’ll give you more and more…! I’ll make an exception today and grant all of your desires! Under normal circumstances, I’d be pressuring you for letting Reiji do with you as he pleases. …Say, where has he not bit you yet? Show me. I’ll leave plenty of my marks on you…So, okay?

*Rustle*

Reiji: Good grief…I wish you would not get distracted by other things. What you should be focusing on instead…are my fangs.

*Rustle*

Reiji: Anyone can tame you with pain…Kanato can, as well as myself, and the others too. ーー However, I am the only one capable of making you experience pleasure at the same time. The way I suck your blood…will make you my captive…Nn…

*Gulp gulp*

Reiji: Yes…Lose yourself in my fangs…just like that. I shall give you them plenty more.

*Rustle*

Reiji: Well then, once more…

*Gulp gulp*

Reiji: Mmh…Nn…

*Gulp*

Kanato: K-Kuh…!! H-How could you…I won’t forgive you!! Both of you are making a fool out of me!! …I can suck her blood however I want…! …Hey! I’m the only one you need, right?

*Sluuuurp*

Kanato: Nn…

*Sluuuurp*

Reiji: Heh. Seems like she isn’t enjoying that very much. I believe that sucking one’s blood thinking only of your own pleasure won’t be well received by the other party.

…Now then, accept only my fangs. You are mine after all. Nnh…Mmh…

*Gulp gulp*

Reiji: Nn…

Kanato: …She belongs to me.

*Sluuuurp*

*Gulp gulp*

Kanato: Look, she’s twitching. I’ll suck you even harder, okay?

*Sluuuurp*

Kanato: Hahn…

*Sluuuurp*

Reiji: You truly are a slave to your own desires…reacting to both of us like that. I suppose it cannot be helped. I believe I shall have to teach you just how great my fangs are all over again.

*Gulp*

Kanato: …Hah. You say the strangest things. Just by looking at her, it should be obvious that I have won this show-off. However…It might be nice to see Reiji devastated by his defeat. Come on, show him how you lose yourself in me even more…Nn…

*Sluuuurp*

Kanato: Mmh…

*Sluuuurp*

*Gulp*

Reiji: I do not see why I would have to pay any mind to this nonsense, but I shall stay here with you until you fully understand. After all…I have plenty of time on my hands.

Well then, drop all the way down…to the dark depths of Hell. Hahn…

*Gulp*

Reiji: Mm…Nn…

*Gulp gulp*

*Rustle rustle*

Reiji: Nnh…

*Rustle rustle*

ーー THE END ー ー

[rom-e-o]

Before the Twins, that first year, Bess more or less being pressured into accepting a date with one of her coworker's cousins because, apparently, he's "super into her" and thinks she's "totally fit", and Bess is just sick of this girl pestering her with it.

The guy is admittedly cute and seems... nice enough. But he's got the energy of a middle school class clown that never grew up and his jokes only hit about 25% of the time. And he seems to talk just to hear himself talk; he doesn't care much at all about what Bess has to say. Needless to say, the conversation is very one-sided.

The guy disgusts and embarrasses Bess at dinner with his toilet humor and how he plays with his food (he and a group of teenage boys start a contest to see who can successfully through their food across the dining room to reach the other's table, several diners get caught in the crossfire). He makes her pay more than her share of the bill because he turns up "short". Then he takes her to--get this--a strip club. ("I thought you were taking me to a club." "This is a club, Yank." "No, that's not what-never mind.") He meets up with his buddies at this club, and all of them leer at Bess and make comments, both complimenting her and degrading her and also comparing her to the strippers. Bess' fingernails start digging into her palms, she has her fists clenched so tight at the ready.

Eventually her date leaves her trapped in the booth with his buddies as he goes to piss. He's gone an awful long time and Bess is starting to wonder if maybe somebody needs to go check on him, because he was pretty stumble-bum when he left, but then he comes back, hanging around the shoulders of two strippers. "Well, I'm headed out. Or should I say, we're headed out."

The strippers giggle. His friends whoop. Bess his mortified.

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, I just thought I'd let you know. Wouldn't want to walk out on you in the middle of our date without telling you."

"You're leaving me here by myself?! I don't know this place! It's dark out! How do I get back home?!"

He digs into his wallet and gives her an... Uber gift certificate? "Don't say I never did nothin' for ya, Yank. And don't take this personal, okay? It's just--I like my girls a certain way, right? They gotta be top of everything--I want the best right? And you're just... kinda average. Boring."

Bess doesn't even like this guy; she didn't even want to really go out with him in the first place. So why does that sting so much? Maybe because it sounds exactly like what Oliver used to say all the time?

She manages to get home, falls through the door to see her girls waiting up for her and she just breaks into sobs. She feels stupid but can't help it. "He ditched me in a strip club with a bunch of his guys! I went out with him on a date his cousin spent weeks trying to set up with me because he "was desperate to take me out", and this douche decided to ditch me and leave with hot strippers! He said I'm average and boring and told me not to take it personal. How am I not supposed to take that personal?!"

BESS ANGEL.

First of all, is this guy related to Jason? The assholery is top-tier. What a god awful sack of shit.

It's not Bess' fault for giving him a chance. The girl talked him up. He SEEMED cute and innocent enough. Bess is nice and wants to give him a chance. Why not?

Once her foot is in the door, he just switches it off and turns absolutely deplorable. (Throwing food, leaving with strippers??? SIR. You're a RAT.)

Poor girl. i imagine the girls are waiting for her, because of course. She's out with a strange guy - and they know how guys are. They've got their phones and are sitting up. Once she comes in, relief turns to immediate concerns She starts crying, and they are on her to help her out.

I imagine Gal taking her phone to get the guy's number. As for what she plans to do, well, this guy is about to become INFAMOUS among London's restaurant crowd. Good luck with him ever getting into a bar/restaurant again.

Addie helps Bess to the couch and Connie brings her tissues, water, and big blanket.

Addie: I can't believe he'd do that to you. To you!

Connie: His type comes into the bar all the time. He realizes a woman is too good for him and not isn't going to bend to his pathetic flirting attempts, and he defaults to BUYING the attention he wants.

Addie: That's pathetic! Ugh.

Connie: those ladies are going to be gargling mouthwash for ions.

Bess, you are a KNOCKOUT. If you were actually 'boring' or 'unattractive', he wouldn't have tried to take you to dinner first before dragging his loser ass to a strip club.

In the meantime, they all stay by her. They let her cry, hold her, reassure her. When she's ready, they even draw her a nice bath with her favorite rose bath salts. They treat her how she deserves to be treated.

[a-local-idiots-shitpost]

A Date with Mc-Belphegor

like always ‘’ is for thoughts and sorry if they are out of characters, usually here it would say it ended up rather short but it´s 731 words so not really short, decent length I would say

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘I hate this damn stairs and that Belphie loves the damn Attic so much’ I barely went up half of it and I was already exhausted ‘I really should ask Beel if he has any workouts that won´t kill a Human and I could participate in’ but before I could fall deeper in my self pity I already reached the Attic

“at least it didn´t feel like ages” I muttered to myself “okay Belphie I hope you aren´t sleeping this time considering you called me up here! ” and just when I was about to open the door

“I´m not done, wait outside!” of course Belphie isn´t done, it isn´t like I´m already an hour late because I had to stop another stupid fight “Belphie if this another one of your jokes I´m leaving I´m seriously tired right now”

for a short moment nothing but then “this is actually great…” I heard him mumble “in this case you can enter but make sure you don´t hurt yourself”

I was confused but entered but just when I stepped over the threshold which separates the Attic from the Corridor I suddenly got incredibly tired and before I could even open my mouth I was already out cold

~in the Dream~

when I woke up I noticed I was lying in someones lap “took you long enough I was thinking you wouldn´t come” just by this tone I can tell who it is “I wasn´t the one who decided to skip school today and was pouty when I didn´t stay to take a nap with a certain somebody” I opened my eyes and could see Belphie smiling down at me ‘he looks just like he just saw the most beautiful thing in existence, wonder what he was staring at before?’

“oh? and aren´t your the one who always complains about school? I thought you would be eager to spend an entire day in Dreamland with me” I laughed at this “and risk Lucifer going crazy again? no thanks no matter how much I love you, this would never be worth it”

he looked like I just feed him an entire Lemon when I mentioned Lucifer but he quickly got over it “okay Mx.Responsible and what do you think my dear older Brother will say about the fact that you neglected your after school activities, hmm~? I think just skipping school with me would have been easier for both of us and most importantly we could have spent more time together”

I couldn´t help myself but to grin up to him “oh really and what would be my after school activities then? oh please tell me Dear Mr.Sloth” he seems happy that I´m willing to play along “babysitting my Brothers of course, everybody knows your the only one who can keep us under control” he lifted up my hand and kissed it “and of course making sure I´m entertained”

I rolled my eyes “practically being your babysitter this I can remember but it´s news to me that I´m supposed to entertain you” he let go of my hand “didn´t you hear you got new chores and one of them explicitly states you are supposed to entertain me”

I looked up at him, it´s rare for me to see Belphie looking so soft and… genuinely happy usually those looks of his are only reserved for Beel ‘but considering how much he loves spending time with me I shouldn´t be surprised’

he leaned down towards me “and what are you thinking about?” I grinned while I lifted my head up “just thinking about the blatant favoritism you are showing me” he leaned down towards me, if one of us get´s just a little bit closer we would kiss “I hope your happy I don´t really like a lot of people, even less so that I would willingly stay awake just to talk with them”

“lucky me” I said while closing the gap and kissing him “okay but enough playing around I don´t think I can stay hear any longer without the House getting burned down” Belphie he held me in his arms while pouting “yeah…” I kissed his cheek “okay you big baby if you let me leave without to much trouble you get to keep me for the next weekend” he looked at me with a mischievous grin “how about forever?~” I just laughed at this

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

an actual okayish ending this time

[jananakookie]

Beauty Drabble | Unexpected encounter

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 1.7k

Summary: Someone comes knocking on your door, trying to make amends.

☞ This is a drabble for my Beauty Series

Unexpected encounter

Since Sunhee and her husband, Jihoon and Eunji decided to go to the movies today and were kind enough to invite Hyejin, you finally have some time to yourself.

You're kind of happy because you don't often get the chance to take care of yourself, and you already have a lot planned for the day.

What wasn't a part of your plan, however, is that after only seventeen and a half minutes of freedom, there would already be somebody knocking on the door.

Well, that’s just typical. You don’t get much me-time, but when you do, it’s short-termed.

Plastering a welcoming smile onto your face, you open the door and are more than surprised when you see who is standing in front of you, dressed in an oversized black hoodie, hood pulled over his head, and dark sunglasses covering his eyes.

“Oh… Jin? What are you doing here?”

You, of course, recognize him immediately - even with that insanely good disguise of his which you don’t even comment on. Instead, you’re far too concerned with trying to not sound too rude, even if you weren't exactly hoping to see him so soon again.

Yes, the way Taehyung threw him out just like that all these months ago wasn’t what you wanted, and you always wished for them to rather talk it out than keep fighting but you don’t wanna be alone with him either since he makes you uncomfortable.

Jin immediately smiles at you, using his signature cover-boy grin. “Can I come in, please?” He asks, keeping his head down as if anyone would be able to see him up here.

“Uh… okay. Why are you dressed like this?” You ask, trying to see his eyes even with those huge sunglasses that are sitting on his nose.

“This is my undercover outfit. So no crazy fans or paparazzi will catch me,” he chuckles, shrugging.

You plaster a smile onto your face and nod, taking a step to the side to let him enter. “Right. Sorry. Come in.”

Making enough space for him to walk through the door, you take a quick look around the floor before getting in yourself, and closing the door behind you.

“Wow. Nice place, ___,” he smiles, taking a look around while taking off his hood.

“Thanks.” You merely sigh, feeling pretty uncomfortable with him here. “Uhm… I really don’t wanna sound rude, but what are you doing here, Jin?”

“Look, ___, I want to… I wanted to apologize. To you. My behavior and what I said—”

“You were just honest,” you shrug. Oh, how you wish Taehyung was here with you. This is so awkward.

“No. I wasn’t honest, I was mean. Let’s say it how it is. There is no need to sugarcoat it,” he snaps, though it’s clear that it’s not you, he’s angry at. “You didn’t need my useless opinion, you didn’t ask for it either, but that’s what I always do. I make other people feel bad to feel better about myself.”

Finally, in the safety of your home, he feels secure enough to shed his ridiculous disguise and show himself to you for the first time since your argument a few months ago.

Admittedly, it’s weird to see him like this. Him - the robot-like guy, who never showed any real emotion and never appeared to be anything but cocky and pretentious. Taehyung would be annoyed if he knew, but you cannot help but feel sorry for him.

“Okay, maybe that’s something we should discuss over a cup of tea? Coffee?” You offer, grabbing his arm softly to lead him to your kitchen.

“Coffee, if it’s not too much to ask,” he says in a small voice before he takes a seat at your table.

A light chuckle reaches your ears, making you turn around in wonder. “What’s so funny?” You ask him.

“Nothing. It’s just that… you’re still being nice to me. After everything.”

“It’s really not that bad, Jin. I’m used to people having… opinions,” you shrug. “Most of them don't wrap it up as charmingly as you do, though,” you chuckle.

“It wasn’t my opinion, ___. I don’t think you should change anything about yourself. I’m just… I’m an asshole.”

“Maybe a little one,” you send him a smirk while looking over your shoulder as you make the coffee, and he laughs. You’re happy the atmosphere is a little lighter and seems less forced, but unfortunately, it doesn’t stay like that for long.

“The truth is, everybody hates me.”

You almost drop the cup when you hear him say these words, turning around instantly, but he doesn’t look at you. Instead, his gaze is set on nothing in particular as he looks like he’s in a daze.

“Don’t say that. That’s not true.”

“Oh, but it is.” He snorts, but there’s no humor in his face or his voice. “I have no family, I have no friends. I have no one, really.”

“That’s not true. You have so many fans that love you, remember? You told me that before.”

“Yeah, right. And you told me that’s different, which it is,” he sighs, shaking his head.

“But what do I know? I don't even have fans,” you state, trying to make him loosen up a bit. “How should that be different?”

“Well, you tell me. You were a fan, right? And then you got to know me. So tell me, ___, how likable am I really?” He looks at you knowingly while you’re struggling to find an answer for a few seconds that feel like hours.

But you finally sigh, taking the finished coffee out of the machine and placing one cup in front of him while you take the other. “I do like you, Jin-”

“Can’t lie to a liar.”

“No, but it’s true! You’re here. You said some things to me that really hurt me, but now you’re here to apologize. Not many people would do that.”

“I just… tried to act like a decent person for once,” he shrugs.

“Everybody starts small. You did it and that’s all that matters,” you say, showing him an honest smile.

“It was always different for Taehyung, somehow,” he continues to talk after returning your smile with one of his own. “Everybody always liked him. No matter if it was neighbors, teachers, friends, or our nanny. He had them all wrapped around his finger in a matter of a few minutes whereas me… well, I never had that much luck with people. I always figured everyone was just jealous of me, you know?”

You laugh at his bold but very much expected statement, making him grin slightly.

“But as I grew older and came into contact with people who were more like me, working in my business, I realized that they just don’t like me. Not because of my talent or my looks. They didn’t like me because of me.”

You’re just about to say something to that when you’re interrupted by another voice coming from the hallway.

“Must be a hard pill to swallow to finally come face to face with the truth, hm?”

You look up at the same time Jin turns around, looking at Taehyung casually leaning against the wall.

“Hey, when did you come here?” You ask, a little perplexed since you both haven’t even heard him come in.

“Couple minutes ago. Didn’t wanna interrupt,” he shrugs, before fixing his gaze back on his brother. “You mean all that?”

Jin nods his head, looking determined. “Yes, all of it,” he confirms. “I spend a lot of time reflecting and thinking about this, trust me. I’m aware that I was a dick to you ever since… well, ever,” he clears his throat taking a moment to collect himself. “I came here to apologize to ___ but also to you. I was hoping we could start working on our relationship if you’re up to it.”

“You know that it’s not that easy, right?” Taehyung scoffs, eyes turning into small slits as he glares at his brother. “We didn’t just have a fight. There are years of mutual loathing between us.”

Honestly, you want to smack your boyfriend for being so hard-headed, but he's too far away, so you just send him a glare that does get noticed but not acknowledged by him.

Luckily, Jin does not seem to mind, judging by the small chuckle coming from him as he looks at his little brother.

“You have always been venomous.” He sees Taehyung’s frown getting deeper, and him wanting to say something back, but he quickly hinders him from it. “I don't expect you to invite me to a Sunday brunch with the family, but I was hoping we could start small. Baby steps, you know?”

Taehyung cocks a brow with his arms interlocked in front of his chest. “Like?”

Jin purses his lips while thinking of something. “For example, I was planning on sending you a birthday text for your birthday next week,” he then shrugs, making you frown in confusion.

When he said, baby steps he really meant baby steps, huh?

“My birthday was last month, you ugly dipshit.” Taehyung seethes, not looking amused in the slightest, while Jin’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

“Oh! My bad… Happy late birthday then,” he smiles anyway, seemingly unaffected by the new information.

You have to suppress a laugh, seeing Taehyung so agitated, not knowing what to do with his asshole of a brother. His mouth opens and closes a couple of times, but no words come out. “You’re the worst. I can’t even stand talking to you.” He groans loudly, before turning around and walking in the other direction, leaving you and Jin alone again.

Jin glances at you, seeing how you look rather amused by all of this. He gives you a look, silently asking you the same question his brother didn’t give him an answer to, and you immediately understand, shaking your head with a small smile on your lips.

“That’s him being civil, so he’s willing to try,” you explain, making Jin’s smile instantly grow bigger.

Who would have guessed that making amends would be so easy?

[rayewritesfantasy]

15 Questions

Thank you @thewriteflame for tagging me, sorry I didn't get this done sooner.

For this I have decided to make two separate posts, each focusing on one of the two main characters from Sea of Stars.

This will be the Juliet version, and I'll do Tynan afterwards.

Additional note: The Social Butterfly is a fictional blog which Juliet's sister subscribes to within Sea Of Stars. I thought it would be fun for Juliet and Tynan to appear as interview subjects on there after the events of the story.

...

The woman who walks in to the study room I rented in Edinburgh Central Library is somebody who has appeared on countless news articles, talk shows and interviews since the news of the so-called Hidden World of myths, monsters and magic became a known part of what everybody thought was just a mundane world with jobs and taxes and worrying about putting food on the table.

She smiles and waves at me, like we're old friends instead of merely strangers meeting for the first time after a few emails and a quick video chat to co-ordinate this interview. She walks with purpose and I rise to shake her hand as soon as she gets within range. Her grip is firm, palms slightly rough and I note the dirt beneath her thumb nails.

Juliet Northwood is magnetic in the way she holds your gaze. Wavy chestnut hair, tied half off her face, eyes that seem to gleam golden in the sunlight streaming in, and an almost imperceptible smattering of freckles across her nose. A feature I never noticed in all my research for The Social Butterfly, a popular student blog run by myself and three others.

Our readers submit the questions when we announce our next guest.

"Beautiful weather, isn't it?" She asks as she adjusts her floaty skirt into the chair.

"Yes, unseasonably warm as well." I agree as I find a blank page in my notebook.

"Shall we just begin?" She asks, a touch of awkwardness in her smile as she plays with her right sleeve.

"Oh, of course. If there's anything at all you don't feel comfortable answering, you just let me know and we'll move on."

She nods as I click my pen.

Are you named after anyone?

She smiles, leaning forward on her hands, "Oh, not anybody real! My brother chose my name because he likes Shakespeare. He intended it to be spelled the French way. J-U-L-I-E-T-T-E. But my father, who actually filed my birth certificate spelled it without the extra T-E."

I nod my acknowledgement as I scribble the answer down.

When was the last time you cried?

That seems to strike her as funny because she chuckles, tucking an escaping strand of hair back behind her ear. "Last night. I was watching The Longest Ride with my husband. Got to the part where Ira passes away and wept like a baby. These kinds of film always get to me."

Do you have kids?

Her fingers tighten just a little where they've come to rest on the table. "No. I can't have them."

The answer is direct and I take the unspoken direction to move on.

Do you use sarcasm?

She grins at that, all awkwardness from my last question gone.

"No, I would never. Why would you think that?"

The tone drips with sarcasm and I can't help but snort with amusement.

Fair enough.

What's the first thing you notice about people?

She sits back, considering it as she sips the coffee placed in front of her. "Usually I notice their expression. If they're smiling or frowning. If they look tired. It helps to know what kind of person you're going to end up talking with and how you should proceed, no?"

I have the sudden urge to ask what exactly she gathered from my face when we first had a chat on a video call three days ago, a precaution on her part, so she would know who to look out for today.

But I'm being paid to interview her for a new section aimed at curious young people who want to know more about the witch who possibly saved the world. And such questions aren't going to earn my pay.

What's your eye colour?

She blinks as though taken aback, "Um, I think they're hazel? Tynan says so anyway."

She leans forward, widening them so I can see.

"Oh yeah, hazel. But they have gold around the iris. That's really cool." I tell her, hoping it isn't weird to say so.

She nods, "Yours are pretty too!"

Scary movies or happy endings?

"Happy endings, always. Life has enough drama without movies being dismal too, don't you think?"

I laugh at how earnestly she says it, but assure her that I do totally agree.

Any special talents?

"Aside from the obvious?"

I nod, hoping that we won't be thrown out for a display of magic inside a library.

"Oh! I'm a good baker. I make bread and sweet treats as gifts for everybody I know. Nobody has complained yet."

Where were you born?

"France. Just outside Marceille. A neighbour helped my mother through labour."

Well, that raises some questions that she never signed up to answer. But I stick with the ones I have written down.

What are your hobbies?

She has an almost childish glee at this one, "I love gardening. I was repotting herbs before I came here this morning. I mentioned the baking already, so there's that.

That explains the soil under her nails.

"And I scrapbook. I find it really helpful to gather my thoughts at the end of the day, and it's nice to make little memories of the nice things. I also love fiction and crossword puzzles. All kinds of cozy things really."

Have you got any pets?

She gives me a smile like she's letting me in on some great joke, "No, but I do have my husband."

Ah yes, the infamous Tynan. He has been known to do some unusual things when he gets bored of being interviewed. I'm mildly concerned what he has planned when I talk to him after we get done here.

What sports do you play/have you played?

"I used to play tennis against my best friend when we would holiday with her grandparents in Cornwall. It was always fun, even though she always won. Does hiking count? I do a lot of walking around Scotland. Just seeing the sights, you know?"

How tall are you?

She shrugs, "5 foot 7. Just a few inches above average. I wouldn't want to be taller or shorter though. This is a comfortable size to hug people."

Favourite subject in school?

"Ah, well I didn't go to a conventional school, but when I went to lessons at the campsites, I always loved astronomy and literature the best. The stars have so many secrets and writers have a magic all of their own. Both are wonderful things."

Dream job?

She ponders it for so long that I think she expects me to move on, even though this is the last question.

"I think I'd like to be a gardener. I could sell my little seedlings and plants. And maybe even make different things for holidays. It would be nice." She decides at last.

I smile at her as I finish writing my notes. "Well, that was all of the readers questions. Thank you for doing this."

She waves an elegant hand, "No need to thank me. It was fun. The questions were unexpected. Thank you for having me."

"Any advice on my impending interview with your husband?" I ask in what I hope is a joking tone.

She sobers a little, her smile just a little tighter. "Do not thank him. You don't want him thinking you might owe him something. He swore to me he'd behave, but don't risk it, okay?"

A little daunted, I accept her hug and watch her wave as she walks back towards the door.

Thanks for reading, hope this was as enjoyable to read as it was to write. I'm looking forward to doing the Tynan one now.

Tynan version here:

[freedomfireflies]

Hey. So I don't really have someone to tell or discuss this to but I'm tired of keeping it to myself and I just wanna get it out, you know. Alright. I'm in love with my best friend but she's straight... I have no idea what to do. I nean I've tried everything! I've tried to ignore my feelings but that doesn't work. I've tried to see other people but that also doesn't work!! And at last I've even tried to distance myself from her in hopes that maybe if I don't see or speak to her for some time the feelings will go away. They didn't. And after 3 weeks of not talking, when I saw her yesterday my feeling came rushing back!! I have no idea what to do! I don't want to lose her...

(Hi my love!! I'm gonna answer this publicly but if you're not comfortable with that, let me know and I'll take it down ASAP!!)

First of all, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this! One of the most heart-wrenching moments in life is to love somebody and feel so deeply.

Unrequited love will forever remain one of life's most unpleasant experiences. There's no avoiding it, no fixing it, no cheating your way out of it.

And unfortunately, one of the only solutions for crushes...is telling them. I KNOW, I KNOW! It's terrifying, and nerve-wracking, and all you can do is imagine the worst.

But...keeping this to yourself and trying to trick yourself out of it will only hurt you. And you don't deserve to be hurt because you opened up your heart! You deserve to love whoever you want to love, out loud and proud!

I don't know all of the details but I'm guessing she's your best friend for a reason. And I like to think that if you do tell her, "Hey, so...here's the situation," she will be more than understanding.

She might not be able to reciprocate those feelings, but it absolutely should not effect your friendship. Perhaps it'll lead to a conversation on how you can maintain your relationship without anybody getting hurt, but it shouldn't change how much you care about each other!

I know how easy it is to convince yourself that just "falling out of like" with someone is the best solution.

But...it never works. As it seems you've learned 😭 The best thing you can do is allow yourself to feel how you want to feel, give yourself grace and understanding for being human, and let the crush do its thing! Honestly, I bet she'd be flattered!

If you don't feel super comfortable telling her yet, that's okay! But you don't have to punish yourself or keep your distance. As long as you're being respectful of both her and you...there's no reason why you can't continue to keep up the friendship!

I know none of this can magically erase how you feel or make it better, but I hope you know that you're not alone.

In time, another crush will come along, and hopefully those pieces fall perfectly into place!

I hope this could be somewhat comforting and help you realize that no matter what you decide, a true friend will understand and stick by you!

And of course, we have the best advice from the king himself:

I'm sending you so much love, please don't hesitate to reach out again, even if you just want to tell me my advice sucked HAHAHA 💞

[2004videovixxxen]

damn so.. we finally saw each other again, we talked, i said too much, did i attack? i had so much on my chest i wanted to get off and i did and i’m thinking maybe i should have just listened and learned. but fuck it, we’re not together and i can say what’s on my mind and he can decide if he wants to hear it or not. i fear though that he may not want to see me again because of that night and that kind of sucks, all over afuckingain, because i actually missed my friend and it was good to see him. i trimmed his beard. 

he told me that he fucked somebody else. i know it shouldn’t matter to me but wow, and then he almost went on to talking about what she does and i had to stop him because i know me and i don’t want to go down any rabbit holes, he can do what he wants, he’s not mine anymore. i realize that i don’t care about who he fucks or may take out on a date, because i truly want him to be happy. he is a good man. he has a lot to offer. he tried to show me and i fucked it up, and i am making my peace with that. it’s hard you know.. but to be able to see him smile again because he’s happy, at peace, doing what he loves, man that’s a dream, sometimes i yearn to see that in mine, but he comes and goes so quick, does he think about me? does he want to see me again? 

i was supposed to go on a date with a man i met the weekend before but i canceled it so we could talk and i know now that i couldn’t have gone on that date because i’m not ready for that. every man i meet won’t compare to the man i had and that sucks for them because some of them could be really great men, but they’re just not for me. i still believe in love, but i don’t know if it’s for me anymore. i think i’m meant to have really fucking great friendships and family, my siblings and their families, lol. i sound like i’m describing my uncle kito, he never had a great love, that we know of, and yet he lived a fulfilling happy life, with all of its trials and tribulations. i believe in love for others, i believe brandon will find another great love, because to say what we shared was not great is a lie. i told him i was going to rip up the picture i had done of us, but i’m not, i lied.. i’m going to keep that forever, it was made in love and it shall forever show the love we shared, even if one day... i ... move.... on...... he is my one true love, my first love, my best fucking friend. 

as for me right now, i have been working on me. i lost weight from eating less, i had to stop being gross to my body forreal. i started going to therapy, in search of a new therapist at the moment, but i see what it has to offer me and helping me organize my day to day life. getting a life insurance plan aka retirement plan aka will help me buy my brownstone in 10 years! i am writing and reading again, i am taking time to be with myself, i only go out once on the weekends and spend the rest of the time with my family, we might get litty but it’s quality conversation. i started applying for apartments as well, i’m ready to be on my own and i know i can do it, i have to do it. i also checked out the program for the school i want to go to and come to find out the chef of the restaurant i worked at went there and there’s just so much more to look forward to, finally separating my checks to start saving for that apartment HA. it feels good to be able to document this much about what i’ve been up to all the while being completely heartbroken and could cry at any moment, i still have those days of course. but i also have the days where i’m happy and i’m dancing freely to diana ross and modjo, where people are front and behind me trying to get to know me, they love my energy, they like talking with me, i have so much to offer. i’m not the worst person ever, i just made a bad decision. and i’m human and that’s what happens. it’ll happen again and maybe again, i have to learn to accept that. 

i reached out to him today. i wanted to say that maybe i could come to the bd this weekend if he wanted. i don’t want to be too forward, i don’t want to step over any boundaries, i don’t want to be pushy. but i also don’t want him to think i don’t want this friendship, or acquaintanceship right now, to work. i do. but i can only do so much without looking desperate, you know? he has a life and also things are different now, so what if we talk every two or three weeks? we’re not the same brandon and me, we’re different now. i know that, i’m okay with that and i’m moving at his pace. i’m grateful, i am. thank you. 

[my-brothers-corrupted]

How have things been recovery wise for everyone? A few of you were in therapy, one or two on meds. Are things okay concerning mental health? Have you made any realizations/breakthroughs you hadn’t before about the time you were trapped? I saw Chase refer to it as a cult. was that difficult to come to terms with for everyone?

It's a big question and they sit with it for a minute, apparently considering. Quintrell seems to have decided to continue minding her own business, as she doesn't look up from her phone.

"I think it's been complicated for everyone," says Marvin eventually. "We all have picked up some bad habits, and some good ones. I've really benefited from EMDR therapy. Talk therapy wasn't really helpful, but just going back and actually processing some of my fucked-up, broken memories... letting it all come back with someone there to help me through it, yeah, it helps. Always wipes me out for the whole day, of course. But at a certain point you have to start wrapping your brain around some of the shit that's happened to you."

He ducks his head. "Then again, I sometimes keep making bad decisions, and then... it's like, no matter how far along I get, I'm always just Blue again, the second I realize I fucked up. And then it's like... sometimes feels like... like maybe I'm not getting better at all."

Chase chatters in the back of the bus, swinging his legs back and forth. "I really like being away from Anti, and just realizing how much I hated him was so big for me, because he always forced me to feel like I loved him. So even after he was gone, I was glad he stopped hurting all of us, but I thought that I missed him. And as time has gone on and I've worked through it, I've realized I really don't miss him, at all. He really altered my memory from the constant hypnosis and amnesia right before he died, when he was trying so hard to keep Dapper and I. I still get blanks in my memory and I don't know that those will ever go away. But I love just feeling alive again and being a part of the world! I love seeing the kids, I love working, I love going out with Ash and feeling like a normal guy and somebody just - just loved, all the time. Everybody in my life is nice to me now, isn't that crazy? I like it, I like being free of him. My depression still kicks my ass sometimes, but that's really been coming and going, and when it's gone, it's gone! Right now it's gone. I'm happy. Thinking about making some big decisions in my life, just... embracing the independence."

He smiles at Henrik, kicking at him a little, trying to keep him out of his head. "What about you? On a normal day, not today."

Henrik sighs. "Good. I'm good."

Chase frowns at him and then makes a motion, like he's asking for more.

"What do you want me to tell them?" Henrik asks, looking suddenly tired. "I stay in the house all day and work? The nightmares still wake me up twice a week at least? It's fine, I'm well enough. This time last year, I didn't think I'd ever be able to work at all. I was just..."

"In bed," Chase mumbles, made sullen by the topic.

Henrik puts his chin in his hand, turning to look out the window. "I couldn't take care of myself."

"You're a lot better than that now."

"Yes," agrees Henrik, a little dully.

"You just need a change," Chase powers on. "Seriously, I think we should talk more about you coming to be a doctor with me at the hospital."

Henrik glances at him uncertainly. "It would be good to work together again... right?"

"Totally," says Chase, turning his whole body towards him. "Wouldn't you like that? We could ease you back into it. The hospital's great, Schneep, I have a lot of friends there! They'd love you too."

Henrik gives him this tense, uncertain smile.

"How are you, Jackie?" Max asks, setting his head on his shoulder for a moment. Jackie looks back at him, focusing on his face.

"Good, yeah. I've made leaps and bounds. It was the fear, for me, that was the big thing. The longer we were safe, the more the feeling faded. And I used to think that feeling was 'angry.' But then I got settled and realized that feeling is 'scared.' That was my realization. Now I don't even want to hit anybody anymore, most of the time. I don't snap at the others, because I don't feel that they're in danger all the time. I feel steady when my things are where they should be and everyone does what they're supposed to."

Max grins. "Yes... but then that means that when things aren't where they should be, or we're running late to work, or you're too sick to make me dinner one night..."

Jackie scowls. "I don't like that."

"And then we kind of end up with Red again."

Jackie grabs his chin with a little too much intensity. "I want you to have what you need and not get hurt by anyone, ever."

Max takes his hand and kisses him again. "We work through the difficult days and the thrill-seeking. You're still my man, even when you're down."

Jackie gazes at him fondly, stroking his chin. "Yeah."

[thebittercorvus]

it was three in the morning when the realization that i really left hit me, alongside a wave of nausea and a headache that was forming in the deepest corner of my damaged brain.

to be completely fair, i've never been made for long distance trips. or short distance trips. or any trip at all because i've always hated leaving the confort and safety of the broom closet that i oftentimes found myself calling bedroom, even though it was more closely related to a cave or a glorified storage room with a bed crammed inside.

but, as i looked through the window and into the endless void of the night, and wondered why is that driving through a rural area always left me with such an unsettling feeling of being followed to the ends of the world, burdened with the knowledge that i packed everything i owned inside a school's backpack and yet everything i ever cared about was left behind alongside a decade of work stored inside a box, inside another box, and hidden away from my mother's treacherous hands and unprivy eyes that would undoubtely search through my most private thoughts under the guise of being worried, as mothers do, but was actually looking for yet another excuse to martyrize herself and in turn mortify me even further. mother, i would wish to say only to end up saying it to myself, if all of your problems can only be solved by blaming others, then i'm afraid none of them will ever get a solution you'll be happy about. somehow i've been to blame for everything and nothing at the same time ever since i was born, both dearly beloved and deeply detested but perhaps that's just something you gotta learn to live with when you're the eldest kid and also a woman.

i left everything behind and yet it felt as if i was carrying too much.

where i was going didn't matter as much as the fact as i was finally leaving, an idea as terrifying as the fact that what i carried with me was nothing more than three days worth of clean clothes, twenty bucks on cash and absolutely no phone, so that if i died no-one would be able to locate me- not that somebody would notice for at least a month really. and of course the fact that my past weigthed more than all the belongings i carried with me combined and those i had to bring, unlike all of the things i actually cared about, my own heart included which i ripped out of my chest and exchanged for a single chance, and that i left inside a box, inside another box, hidden under a stash of poetry books i've read a thousand of times trying to find exactly how my words should look like and barely protected with a prayer to the god of the unheard that, for all was unholy in my life, my family wouldn't decide to go through everything i left behind.

the driver would leave me in the border. from then on, we would be on our own.

it was more conforting knowing that we were on our own for sure, than thinking we could rely on something or someone just to realize it really didn't got our backs, unless it was to stab us of course. for that, we would eventually have a coyote, whom i would have to trust with my life for the entire course of the six hours i spent hidden inside the ruins of a shit smelling bathroom just outside of the military station right at the borders more than what i've trusted my father with a bottle of rum in his hands my entire twenty years of life.

i wonder if alcoholism and narcissism are as hereditary as depression and heart related diseases. i wonder if i can also hide those in a box, stored inside another box, and pray so that no-one will look inside.

i didnt see the light until i got to the other side, though there were plenty of sunrises. each day i wondered how the future would look like and if i would be able to eventually stop carrying my past. the light at the end of the tunnel could be freedom. could be another train coming at you. both ways are the end of a journey.

eventually i arrived to a place that was strange and hostile and made my skin dry out. they also blamed us for everything and nothing for reasons as creative as the place i was born and how it only gave birth to thieves, crooks and man stealing whores. it was better than waking up to the sound of a fight exploding right besides my glorified storage room, but it made me realize i loved greenery of my mountains, my mercury contaminated river and the unpolluted skies of my city that was really just a sligthly-bigger-than-average town a whole lot more than i loved myself.

one day i might be able to trade all of the time i've spent slaving myself away for the comfort and safety that can be found in her arms, and maybe on that day i'll finally find out if it's true that home is where the heart is.

—the fate of the moon; [?] thebittercorvus

[herdeardiaryy]

devotion 55

"Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;"

Ecclesiastes 12:1

I'm not gonna lie, I admit that I spent my years of being a youth by doing what I like. All of us became like this before. I grew up in a very strict and traditional family wherein I did not experienced overnights, I did, but once and it's an emergency. I found my freedom when I started my college life, that's why I looked like a prisoner who just got out of jail.

I am very active in going to church every sunday that time, of course because I have my pastor parents with me, but I am not that deeply devoted to the King. Yes, I lead songs of praise, but after that, I'm back on being myself. That's my routine before. I never had a chance to speak the Name of the Lord to everyone before, because I was shy, I was afraid of people might say, but I never feel embarassed when someone asked me about my religion and proudly say that "I am a Born Again Christian," knowing that somebody will say negative behind my back. I know that, because I never act the same as I said.

But now, I can say that I improved than I was before. I can't say that I'm already changed, but I can now control the things that I can handle. And if I do something wrong, either intentionally or accidentally, I automatically apologized to the Lord while having a guilt. I am not also a fan of devotions before, but look at me now—I'm doing it. I get bored at church before, but now I can't wait to another Sunday to show up. I never say "Thank You, Lord" everytime I wake up before—but I can do it now. All I can say is, God's timing for changing me is never too late.

In this verse, it says that if we find God at a young age, we should go for His will. We should be devoted to Him, and leave what ourselves wants. Let us surrender all to the Lord because His plans are better than ours. Let us not wait until we get old to focus in His presence.

This is my prayer:

"Father God, I thank You. Thank You for waiting for me to finally get serious in Your presence. Lord, I apologized to those years that even if I've known You, I tried to ignore You. That even if I was born in a religious family, I decided to do whatever I wanted just because of freedom. Forgive me for all these moments that I did.

Lord, as I open my heart and my mind to You, help me to be more devoted in Your Words. Let me see only Your goodness that will make my future even more brighter. Thank You, Lord, for redeeming my life. Thank You, Lord, for another chance, I know I made this far just to realized Your goodness, but You made me feel that it's never too late to obey You. Thank You so much, Lord, for all the blessings that You showered to my family, friends, and colleagues. Thank You for sending me people in my life to be a life lesson and a blessing for my life, bless them Lord, bless them. Thank You, Lord, for protecting my family and friends from harm. And for loving them unconditionally. Thank You so much, Lord.

I humbly pray that You continue to showered us Your blessings and healing, most especially to my parents who decided to dedicate themselves to Your Kingdom, I pray for a fruitful and generous people inside the church, and a pure support and devoted people that can help my parents to share Your Word. I pray for my siblings and nephew, continue to be the center of our lives that only Your Name be glorified. I pray for my Sister and Brother-in-law's flight this coming 12th, I declare safe travel and people that they will encounter. Please send people that will help them to be closer to Yoi even if they are far way home. Give them comfort whenever they got emotional by missing their baby, Lord. I pray for everyone whose feeling down, depressed, plain, ill, and hopeless. Be their light, Lord. Let them realized how amazing You are to all of us, Lord. I declare calmness upon my boss and people around me. I pray that You continue to guide us everyday of our lives. Protect us from any hard times and harms, Lord. You are all we need.

Lastly, I pray for my life, Lord. I surrender everything to You now, have Your way in me. I pray for my future stability; financially, spiritually, physically, mentally, and my future husband and child/children. Be my guide to my everyday life, God. I pray for a guy who is having the same things as mine, especially in my religion, I pray for Your own provision, Lord. I believe in You words.

Thank You, Lord, for this blessed day.

This I pray in the Mighty Name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior,

Amen."

060923 | 22:13