#the things we make and the pictures we take should all be consensual and made/taken by humans

[artists-deserve-better]

Three important petitions that I want to give more awareness to.

Tagging artist I admire: @euqinim0dart @climbdraws @canisalbus @lackadaisycats @judilyart @dappermouth @thekeymonster @beffalumps

[darlingillustrations]

I feel like I should be panicking more. My rent is due in one week, my landlord isn't friendly, and I have no one to ask for help. And yet? I have an eerie sense of calm about it.

I know the calm that happens when you are not actually calm but panicking and your body is helping you survive. This isn't that kind of fake calm. I am sleeping at night. I'm not snaping at my kids. I am *at peace.*

(Read more for musings about the economy, my spiritual mindset in the midst of it all, and some Mary Oliver poetry.)

Five years ago? I would be panicking and staying up late working long hours and burning myself out. But now? These days I'm working full days, then stepping back and cooking meals or working on projects for my kids. It feels more stable this time. I feel like I've matured.

I got a report in my email yesterday which showed that retail sales in January plunged 0.8% from December, far worse than the consensus forecast for a decline of just 0.2%, and the largest monthly loss since March 2023. On the one hand, it made me feel better that it's not just me. On the other hand, it sucks that lots of other people are struggling, as well.

Still, I make the time to meditate every morning. Still, I pull out my poetry books and take my life advice from Mary Oliver. In the poem One or Two Things she wrote:

One or two things are all you need to travel over the blue pond, over the deep roughage of trees and through the stiff flowers of lightning--some deep memory of pleasure, some cutting knowledge of pain.

You don't need to have all the answers. You just need to put one step in front of the other.

Last year when I launched my wholesale business, I drummed up over 1000 leads. I'd pick a city and use google maps or yelp to search for gift shops, stationary stores, coffee shops... anywhere that I thought might want my work... and I took the time to write a personal note to each and every one of these businesses. This month I decided to check back in with them again, and so many of the businesses are now closed or their email addresses no longer work.

Having exhausted these leads, I sat at my computer yesterday with the knowledge that I needed to wait on people to get back to me, that the wholesale leads were out of my hands. And that I still did not have money to pay my landlord. Not once did I fear I would join the list of closed businesses. I did not despair.

Instead, I turned to my first joy. I went back to the sales history on my website and found my very first customers from back in 2016 when I launched my web shop. I emailed them, each of those first customers, sending personal emails. I did not ask them to buy anything. That wasn't what I needed. I asked how they were, what they have been up to, where their lives have taken them.

I was searching for that deep memory of pleasure, that cutting knowledge of pain. One or two things is all we need, after all.

And I got one email back.

This woman was the first person to ever buy an art print in my online shop--a honeybee boy painting--and it is still hanging in her stepson's room, nearly 8 years later. She shared pictures of her new baby, and I shared the pictures with my kids. This woman had sent me many emails over the years, asking for life advice or encouraging me on a hard day. She shared that she didn't realize her emails had made such an impact on me.

Funny how none of us truly sees how impactful we are to those around us. Funny how life keeps going on, whether we worry about it or not.

In One or Two Things, Mary Oliver also wrote:

For years and years I struggled just to love my life. And then the butterfly rose, weightless, in the wind. "Don't love your life too much," it said, and vanished into the world.

I want my character to be defined not by what I do when things are easy but by how I carry myself when things are hard. And I do believe things happen for a reason. Maybe the line between delusion and faith is very thin, but the universe has shown me time and again that it's had my back. I've been in worse scrapes and still came out ok.

If you've read this far and you want to help me get through the next week, you can buy something from my shop or support me on Patreon.

And if you've read this far but you are in a similar boat, don't fret. We will find our way through the fires. one. step. at. a. time.

[rolling-restart]

from Eden - part 2

Pairing: Mark Webber/Oscar Piastri

Tags and Warnings: Age difference, mentor/protégé relationship, trans male character, fluff, Mark is not a pervy old man here, domestic fluff, mild blood, virginity talk, cunnilingus, safe, sane and consensual, moral conflict, mention of transphobia.

Status: Incomplete

Summary: Oscar raises the stakes. 

AS YOU WISH

“No waaaaay!”

They were sitting silently on their phones in the living room. The news of Imola being cancelled couldn’t have come at a better time since either of them felt like leaving their little nest, at least as Mark saw it, and going to face the big scary world. 

“One less race to screw up, nice!”

Mark sighed. He knew there was no way to make Oscar feel better about his current situation. A bad car would affect anyone’s confidence and unavoidably, you would start to feel like the car wasn’t the only thing that is wrong. Mark knew it wasn’t true because he witnessed Oscar’s phenomenon through the years. The kid was capable of much more than he was allowed to show with that shitbox and he could only wish that this didn’t affect his confidence permanently. 

There was no further surprising news as far as Mark knew, so Oscar’s exclamation across the couch startled him.

“What?”

“That’s so embarrassing!”

“What is embarrassing?”

Mark pretended not to be nosy and want to snatch Oscar’s phone from his hand to see what was that fuss about. He would, realistically, never do that and appearing too curious always spoilt Oscar, ruining Mark’s chances to reveal what was going on. So he tried to be nonchalant. 

“God, he is desperate!”

“Oscar…”

“Logan just sent me a dick pic.”

Mark was stunned but he was quick to collect himself and correct his expression. This was fine. They were just kids fooling around. There was no reason to burst out. 

“Oh… Did you ask for one?”

Mark silently congratulated himself for not reacting in an embarrassing way. If he overreacted and got angry, Oscar would be taken aback. The reason why Oscar shared a piece of such information with him was because he trusted Mark to react reasonably and maybe also he saw Mark as a friend rather than a cold-hearted adult. If Mark reacted like a worried parent, Oscar would treat him like a worried parent and not let him into his private life at all. Which would be fine, and appropriate at a surface level. Maybe Mark took their proximity for granted and this wasn’t how things should go between a mentor and a mentee. Either way, it was almost instinctual for him to hide this burning feeling inside him he didn’t dare to name.

“Nupe, he just sorta, sent it.”

“Isn’t it a sort of crime?”

Oscar rolled his eyes and scoffed.

“God, Mark, no. I mean not the most pleasant view but I would hardly classify this a crime. But you know what’s criminal? The audacity!”

Mark didn’t share Oscar’s lighthearted reaction. In his opinion, what Logan did was quite disrespectful and he deserved to be told off. It definitely had nothing to do with Mark’s own feelings. 

“Do you and… uhm… Logan have something going on?”

To his relief, Oscar made a disgusted face.

“Ewww, no. What do you take me for? Fooling around with a trumpie? God no.”

“Huh.”

Mark knew he was about to be caught. His indifference was so fragile, so artificial that it was only a matter of moments before Oscar spotted him.

“Also, it is nice of him to just declare what he has in store. So that I didn’t have to waste my time to just be disappointed by this.”

Mark grimaced at the sudden shock of the phallic image shoved at his face. 

“Oscar, what the fuck. I didn’t want to see it.”

“Me neither, so we can suffer together. Also, he is rather small, should I tell him that? Or should I just answer with ‘Eww.’?

Mark couldn’t help but chuckle. For a shy little guy, Oscar was sure cruel and petty when he wanted to be. 

“I mean, why not? He should’ve known better than sending you unsolicited dick pictures.”

He tried his best, his true best to not pour his annoyance in his voice and he wondered how plausible his nonchalance was.

“Are you annoyed?”

Oscar’s expression could only be described as mischievous and Mark felt like a deer caught in headlights.

“I mean, I don’t like the fact that a stray yankee bothering my driver with inappropriate pictures.”

He was doing fine. It was okay. There was no way that Oscar could hear the motivation of jealousy in his disapproval of the situation. Why was he jealous, anyway? Oscar was a free adult and had the right to exchange inappropriate images with whomever he wanted. Mark had no jurisdiction in that portion of Oscar’s life as long as it didn’t interfere with the other things. He had to act accordingly with his position if he didn’t want to be revealed for his true annoyance. 

Honestly, even though he wasn’t maddened with jealousy, he was quite rattled. He knew Oscar wouldn’t plausibly pursue a punk like Logan while he had to be focused on his performance. Additionally, Logan wasn’t the most appropriate, moral example of the motorsports youth and he remembered instances of his bigotry more than once. Even though Oscar would give him a chance, which he wouldn’t, Logan would blow it by being rude and puritan nature. Oscar was… tough, and he could handle himself but it didn’t mean that he wasn’t too precious to go along with tomfoolery of ungracious boys. The thought of putting Logan into his place in a dark alley of the paddock the next time he saw him which included grabbing him by the nape of his neck like an unruly cat and throwing him into a puddle or something delightfully played in Mark’s mind. 

It wasn’t jealousy. It was definitely not jealousy. You could say it’s protectiveness, believing that no one deserved Oscat but it was a harmful point of view as well. What if Oscar came across something that genuinely made him happy? Would Mark be okay with it then? Was the problem actually Logan being an unworthy candidate? Mark knew the answer. 

All those overly excited kids, would they know how to make Oscar happy? How to make him feel loved, and protected? Would Oscar trust them enough to climb to their bed to cuddle when he needed it with the same exhibit of vulnerability? The mere thought made Mark’s stomach turn. He couldn’t expect Oscar to stay single forever. It wouldn’t be good for his emotional development and in the end, he could start believing that he is not indeed likeable, which would be a disaster. Mark wasn’t a selfish man, he would never let Oscar suffer the consequences of his own feelings. 

“It’s nothing serious. He is just fooling around. But he doesn’t have any chance since he genuinely asked what I have in my pants.”

“He did fucking what?”

“Yeah, it was nothing big. We were both drunk and he was being handsy and he blew it for  himself. You should’ve seen his face when I told him off. He has like, no manners.”

“That little bastard, I’ll kill him.”

“Mark, noooo…”

Oscar reached to Mark’s forearm as if Mark was going to get up to actually beat someone up. Mark loved it. There was a primal satisfaction in… defending someone’s honour like that.

“And he also apologised later.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Maaark, don’t be a grumpy old man.”

Even though there was a genuine concern for Mark’s aggression, Mark could feel that Oscar was somehow enjoying the situation. He was, by no means, a damsel in distress but Mark understood why it was pleasant for him. Mark just needed to keep the dose in control. 

“Is it how the young people do it nowadays? Just shoot a picture of your junk and call it a day?”

Oscar rolled his eyes and removed his hand from Mark’s forearm. The ghost of his fingerprints scorched Mark’s skin. 

“I don’t know. I don’t particularly flirt around. I have a lot of work to do.”

Mark couldn’t stop his eyebrows from raising. He knew the kid was with him almost all the time but the insecure side of his brain was always telling him that he must have been having some fun behind his back. 

“I like that. But don’t miss the offerings of the youth.”

His words were genuine, even though it hurt him to accept them. If there was anything that would hurt Mark more than seeing Oscar with someone, was seeing Oscar unhappy, alone and wasting his youth. This was a pleasant relief from his constant self-blaming. He cared about Oscar’s well-being more than his own peace of mind, which made his intentions, well, somehow genuine.

“Oh yeah, as if I have any time. Besides, maybe I am just waiting for the right guy.”

Mark’s cheeks were burning. The right guy. He had to stop the voice from the back of his head screaming ‘I am the right guy!’. He knew he wasn’t. The age wasn’t right, the occasion wasn’t right. He couldn’t be arrogant enough to believe that he had everything Oscar needed. 

“Huh, then it might be a while. This industry is filled with assholes who don’t think of anyone but themselves.”

He knew it was right. He had his share of disappointments and he was old enough to know that everyone indeed had their own agendas that only have a limited space for someone else’s happiness.  

“Maybe. Maybe there are some actually good guys among them.”

Oh, the ever-trusting youth. 

—---------

Mark was thinking that one disaster was evaded when another loomed heavy on him. He was tidying the living room and adjacent kitchen while Oscar was showering after his workout session. They promised his PT that Mark was going to police Oscar’s physical activity in exchange for leaving them be. It wasn’t a chore. Mark attentively spotted Oscar at the small gym in the basement of his place. 

“Come on, one more set.”

Oscar especially hated the neck exercises and Mark couldn’t blame him for it. It must have been the least favourite exercise of any driver due to the level of discomfort it brought. He pretended not to gaze at his flexing muscles under the strain. Oscar has always been a bit small among his peers. He swore that he was taller than all the other kids before puberty but while the other kids kept growing, Oscar’s height stood still. Puberty blockers also halted his growth a little, stranding the kid at a slightly below-average height. Oscar was totally comfortable with his height and very maturely, focused on his muscle development instead. 

“It’s an advantage, like Yuki, you guys are much lighter than the rest and it gains you at least a couple of tenths because of it.”

Mark never knew whether Oscar was actually comfortable with his figure but he never audibly complained. Despite the puberty blockers, with a lot of hard work, he put on a considerable muscle mass and caught up with the rest. However, his considerably smaller size never ceased to invoke Mark’s protective instinct when Oscar was pushed physically.

Mark was done with the kitchen when Oscar emerged from the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his waist, dripping water everywhere. Before Mark could protest, He collapsed on the couch, sighing with relaxation. His skin was reddened with the steam of the hot water Oscar insisted on using, despite everyone in his health team’s protests. He was damping the couch and the cushions but Mark decided to just leave him be and tried not to gaze at his glistening chest and exposed thighs.

Oscar seemed unbothered to be almost naked in Mark’s presence and was busy with his phone while Mark fluffed the cushions on the armchair. Despite his best efforts, Mark’s gaze lingered on him.

“What the hell did you do to your legs?”

Mark couldn’t hide the alarm in his voice, startling the poor kid. It wasn’t for nothing, though. Oscar’s calves were smooth, smoother than normal and were spotted with red droplets of blood. 

“Uhh.. Oh.”

Oscar saw the blood too and leaned forward, almost banging heads with Mark.

“Did you try to shave?”

Oscar was trying to wipe the little droplets with his towel, revealing more of his flesh without noticing. Mark kept his gaze fixed on his lower legs and prayed to god.

“Uhh, guess I did.”

“You should be more careful, wait. I’ll get something.”

Mark disappeared into the steamy bathroom, almost slipping to his death with the puddle Oscar had the habit to leave after showering. He found the soothing cream in the bathroom cabinet and returned to the living room.

“Don’t you know how to shave without leaving razor burns? You should be more careful.”

Oscar pulled his legs against his chest despite the risk of revealing himself further. It only exposed more of his thighs, which were also spotted by blood droplets and a red rash. 

“I… ugh… I thought I was being careful.”

Mark shook his head and handed the tube of cream to Oscar. 

“Uhh… Can you please…please put it on? Blood makes me sick.”

The alarm bells were blaring in Mark’s head. Surely Oscar wasn’t doing it on purpose. He, as a matter of fact, knew that seeing blood made Oscar faint from first-hand when he had a bicycle accident last year. The moment he saw the blood on his kneecaps, the poor kid just turned sheet white and went limp. It scared the hell out of Mark at the time, screaming Oscar’s name to bring him back to consciousness. Now, if Mark started searching for a different meaning in the kid's request, he would be misplacing Oscar’s trust and he honestly wouldn’t know how to live with it. 

“Okay, extend your leg.”

His eyes were fixed on Oscar’s left knee to avoid seeing anything he wasn’t meant to see. He kneeled in front of the couch, almost to pray for nothing to go sour about the thing he was about to do. It was all for Oscar, he specifically asked him to do it. He couldn’t deny the kid anything he wanted even if he tried. For now, he just needed to keep himself in control and not touch anything more than he strictly needed to.

Oscar didn’t seem too shy when he extended his leg coquettishly and placed his heel on Mark’s thigh. Without thinking, Mark wrapped a protective hand around Oscar’s delicate ankle. He cursed at himself but Oscar didn’t seem to be fazed. Mark wetted a piece of napkin to first clear the blood droplets with shaky hands. 

“You know,”

His voice was high with the heaviness of the moment. He cleared his throat.

“You know you shouldn’t shave upwards, that’s why you burned your skin.”

“Hmm…”

Oscar’s eyes were fixed on where Mark touched his skin. Mark couldn’t tell apart whether the flush on the kid’s chest was because of the heat of his shower or from something else. Nevertheless, he spread the cream delicately on Oscar’s lower leg, careful to cover all the rash.

“You shouldn’t put moisturiser or oil when it’s like this, just the soothing cream.”

The way Oscar almost purred in response shouldn’t have taken Mark by surprise. His touch must have been nice, delicate and relaxing on the kid's body. Nothing too different from the massage he receives from his physio. The frustrating thought that the physio might have shared his thoughts while helping Oscar relax during recovery made Mark’s blood boil. 

Any other person would be drooling over this opportunity of being this close to a magnificent creature like Oscar. Mark was swallowing thickly to avoid that but it all felt in vain.

“Aaand all done. Try not to sweat too much while it heals.”

Mark wiped his hands on the napkin and sat back on his heels. Oscar was looking directly at him, a mildly amused expression on his face. To Mark’s horror, he parted his legs a bit further, letting the towel shift to expose his upper thighs. While not as bad as his lower legs, they also had some irritation on them.

“Uhm… I shaved a bit further.”

Mark closed his eyes and sighed. That was it. This was the fruit of his journey of self-control, morality, love and gentleness. This must have been the end of the road. This must have been the end of the plausible deniability. Was Oscar aware of what he was doing? His mannerism and that annoying expression on his face said yes but could Mark trust his guidance? Did he know what he was doing?

He remembered his teenage crushes and how safe and entertaining it was to just yearn from afar. Was Oscar aware that stopping the yearning would open the gates of hell, for both of them, to an uncharted land, and nothing would be the same? Did Mark want everything to be the same? Was he that much of a masochist that he would rather watch Oscar with someone else for his own good and claw at the walls in his empty hotel room?

And what would happen if they crossed the line? It wouldn’t change much in the beginning but if Oscar, in the end, got bored of him, how would he survive not being wanted after having the taste of Oscar lingering in his mouth?

Wasn’t he the adult who had to have control of the situation and not let things develop thus far? Was granting Oscar’s every wish worth pushing them both off the edge of an abyss?

But if not me, then who?

But if not now, then when?

He hated to be arrogant but he was almost sure that no man could love and care about Oscar as much as he could. It made the betrayal worse. It was a betrayal of his position of mentor. Oscar didn’t know what he was doing but he just trusted Mark because he had no other choice. Could Mark live with this fact?

I would love and protect him forever, I promise.

The primal side of his mind had never been louder and nothing was easier than just accepting what was presented to him. 

Oscar was an adult. 

He was only 22.

Is he yours?

He was meant to be. But was he giving Oscar any choice in this? Kids were supposed to be stupid and make bad decisions. Was he so long gone in his lack of self-control that he couldn’t stop enforcing this behaviour?

He had to respect Oscar’s decisions, though, and if he decided that he wanted Mark, who would he be to refuse?

He is your responsibility.

And yet they were there. Maybe he should’ve stopped looking at the intimacy he was craving as a desecration, as breaking something precious. He would never do anything to hurt Oscar and his heart would be the safest with Mark.

But what if the only thing the kid wanted was sex? Could Mark live with it without feeling like a disgusting pervert? Could he take only what he is allowed and let him go when it is the time?

He didn’t think so but he had to if that was the case. It was too early to conclude anything. Either way, they couldn’t let anyone know about it, whatever it would be until Oscar got older. Could either of them live with this secrecy? Mark would walk on lava and smile if Oscar asked him to but didn’t Oscar deserve something better? Someone he can show off to the world?

Again, he was just assuming what Oscar thought and felt. He knew the kid enough that he must have thought this thoroughly before acting. If he guided someone for so long and didn’t trust his decisions in the end, what kind of mentor would he be?

Oscar’s breath hitched with urgency. He must have seen the hesitation in Mark’s face and his body started to tremble ever so slightly with anticipation.

“Please, Mark?”

Mark squinted his eyes and then looked at Oscar with a fond smile. 

“Sure thing.”

He squeezed more of the cream onto his palm and proceeded to smear it on Oscar’s firm, pale thighs. He couldn’t help but squeeze his meat gently. In response, Oscar whimpered so sweetly, making his dick jolt in interest. It shouldn’t have been so easy but Mark was beyond blaming his body for the temptation lying in front of him, literally.

Oscar moved his towel a bit further, which was already barely covering anything and Mark fixed his eyes solely on his thigh, carefully applying the cream, maybe even massaging a little. He knew if he just looked, it would be there, Oscar’s offering. But it was too early, too soon and not soon enough.

It was getting difficult for him to work with the towel when he started working on Oscar’s other thigh. Oscar didn’t make any move to move it away this time. Mark knew he was expecting him to do it. Even though his desire was scorching his insides, Oscar didn’t know about it and it was only natural for him to look for a sign of being desired. Mark wished he could just telepathically convey his feelings to Oscar and then immediately changed his mind. It would be too much, overwhelming and even scary for the kid. 

“Can I?”

His voice was too loud in the thickness of the moment. Oscar nodded impatiently. This was it, then, the point of no return. Mark moved the towel away with trembling fingers. 

Here it was, beautiful and dainty like a barely bloomed peony, glistening a little, and also a little bit red and irritated like the rest of Oscar’s lower body. Oscar’s breathing got shallow and it twitched involuntarily, making Mark’s mouth water. So Oscar planned this, even shaved for it. He wasn’t sure whether the razor burns were part of the plan but they were there and there was no return from there. 

“Oh, Oscar…”

It took everything out of Mark to not just faceplant on Oscar’s pussy. It would be so easy, Oscar wanted it too but he had a job at hand. He dutifully ignored the strain in his trousers and started applying the cream on the neglected thigh.

“Mark, please, please…”

“Please what, dear?”

He had to be careful not to tease too much. Now his face was between Oscar’s thigh, he knew there was no going back. He would kill and die to be back there again once he left. He would destroy anyone who wanted to be there instead of him. 

He inhaled the sweet, sweet scent of him. It was a mixture of his shower gel, shaving cream and an intensified version of the sweet smell of Oscar’s skin. He remembered it from cuddling with him, hugging him after a race and now it was so close that Mark couldn’t go anywhere but forward.

“Please touch me there, please…”

Mark smiled gently and proceeded to push his legs a bit more apart, exposing his core. God, he really was beautiful everywhere. He kneaded the meat of his upper thighs gently, making Oscar shudder. His big, tanned hands looked so large, so out of place around Oscar. Without thinking too much over that, Mark planted a kiss on Oscar’s inner thigh. Oscar whined, trying to scoot closer to meet Mark’s face. Acknowledging his impatience, Mark decided not to drag.

First, he planted a tentative kiss on Oscar’s labia, so light that it wouldn’t even cause a beard burn. The poor kid’s skin was irritated enough. Oscar wailed and squeezed his thighs around Mark’s head. Mark had to forcefully spread them apart.

“Hold your legs up, now, love.”

The way Oscar immediately slipped his arms under his knees to hold them up almost made Mark groan. Oscar, his Oscar was already so good, so obedient for him. Oscar’s blush got deeper. Mark knew he was feeling much more exposed than before in this position and it was exactly his objective. He supported his hips with both hands and spread them a little. There wasn’t an inch of Oscar hidden from Mark now. Mark licked his lips and blew a little air on his clit to see his reaction. 

Oscar, predictably now, moaned like he would die if Mark didn't go ahead and touch him. Mark caressed his labia majora with a tentative finger. He was so impossibly wet with anticipation.

“Can I go on?”

“Yes, yes, fuck, Mark please.”

Mark dragged his finger torturously slowly onto his clit, drawing another moan.

“There, Mark, there.”

Mark couldn’t help but smile smugly. 

“Now I will put a finger in, is that okay?”

“Yes please, ple-oh wait!”

Mark was frozen in place with the panic in Oscar’s voice.

“What’s it? Do you want me to stop? I can stop whe-“

Oscar shook his head frantically.

“No, no it’s all good but uhm, I think… I think there is something you should know.”

Mark’s brain was on fire with anticipation.

“What is it, baby?”

“I never did this before. I thought you should… you should know.”

Mark was motionless for a moment. He knew the kid wasn’t fooling around too much but he honestly wasn’t expecting this. This didn’t change the action but it changed the nature of everything. Oscar was trusting him with a lot of things and at a normal time, Mark wouldn’t hesitate to deliver. But this was… He was terrified to no end now, that something would go wrong. However, he tried to calm himself with the larger implications. He couldn’t nullify Oscar’s gift to him. It was so precious, more precious than anything Mark ever owned. The trust the kid put in him, the trust that Mark would make it good for him, take care of him, that he wouldn’t take advantage of it. Mark felt his eyes water.

“I understand. I don’t mind at all but are you sure you want to do this with me, dear?”

Oscar nodded before Mark could finish his question.

“I need to hear you say it.”

“Please Mark, please just put your mouth on me, fuck me, I don’t know, I don’t care. Just do something please.”

Mark planted another kiss on Oscar’s thigh and spread his pussy again. If those were the terms, Mark wanted to take care of the implications later. Instead, he planted a kiss on Oscar’s labia.

“So beautiful for me…”

Oscar moaned, pressing his hips further. Mark licked a flat stripe all over it, holding Oscar’s hips in place with a strong grip.

“God, please, please more.”

Mark spent a bit of time teasing, licking around Oscar’s insides and returning to his clit before he started sucking. Oscar whimpered so sweetly, so sinfully. Mark wanted more. His dick was trapped helplessly in his trousers and wasn’t going to see light until he satisfied Oscar thoroughly. 

He tasted so nice. When people said someone’s pussy tasted sweet, he never agreed because it simply didn’t taste sweet. But with Oscar, it was better than sweet. It was brain-numbingly addictive, abundant and generously spread all over Mark’s face. Oscar’s high-pitched moans encouraged him more and he started his merciless assault on his clit.

Oscar was writhing, losing his grip under his knees. It was almost like he was trying to get away from it and push for more at the same time. Mark understood and pushed the back of Oscar’s legs further, folding his small body in two. His hands were almost covering the surface of his sweet pale thighs, making Mark go insane with the possibilities. Could he fuck him by holding him up, folded like this like a ragdoll?

He couldn’t be distracted yet. He had to give everything he had to the job at hand to give Oscar the most mind-blowing orgasm he ever had in his life. He wasn’t going to look for anyone else after this. He was going to know that Mark was everything he needed.

Oscar’s head was thrown back so it was impossible to see his face but the noises he made didn’t leave anything for doubt. The kid was euphoric under his touch.

“Like that, just like that please.”

If it was a younger Mark, he would idiotically go faster after Oscar’s statement but he was old enough to know that it just meant go on exactly like that. Mark’s rhythm didn’t falter.

It took him a while to bring Oscar to the brink of relief but when he did, he stopped.

“Mark, please don’t tease, I’m so close.”

Mark smiled at him, stubble glistening with slick.

“As you wish.”

He restarted with a renewed vigour and before he knew it, Oscar screamed his name like a scarlet ribbon ripping the fabric of the night sky. There were colours, voices and shapes. The universe’s heart was beating right under Mark’s mouth. It was the only thing that ever mattered and that was ever going to matter.

Oscar’s body went limp under him and Mark gently lowered his legs. He flowed into Mark’s lap like a cool, refreshing water stream. He was mumbling something that he couldn’t make sense of. He picked his relaxed body up in bridal style with ease and placed him in his own bed before he fell asleep.

He went to grab a wet rag to wipe Oscar clean and he returned to the sleeping angel in his bed. Mark’s ministration must have drained all the remaining energy in the kid after the workout session. 

He hesitated for a second before putting an oversized t-shirt of his on Oscar. Waking up completely naked could frighten him for a second and Mark didn’t want him to get cold. Oscar didn’t consent to sleeping in the same bed together explicitly but Mark was afraid of making him feel unwanted and abandoned if he instead placed him on the guest bed. As a compromise, Mark stayed on his own side of the bed, without touching Oscar, giving the kid room to sprawl.

He was still hard but he felt exhausted with the severity of the inner conflict he just had. He couldn’t have relieved himself next to Oscar and he was too lazy to go to the bathroom. It needed to wait and it surprised Mark to see how little he cared. All his needs could wait in the face of Oscar’s needs and feelings.

That kid was going to be the death of him.

[tohokuu]

love, sex & dreams - jung wooyoung

reblog, or i'll fucking punch you /hj but nr

warnings : drug use, dick sucking, heavy praise, woo is under the influence, reader is not, consensual fucking under the influence, drugs, birthday boy wooyoung

a/n : i wrote about a man on drugs while being on drugs.

wc : 1.7k

wooyoung contemplated if he should take the pill yunho and san had offered him earlier. it was odd. usually, he’d be the one out of the eight boys to suggest doing something like this but now that it came to taking psychedelic drugs, he was scared. but he wanted to know what was so special about little pill that made san, yunho and hongjoong return to that underground sex club every weekend.

“it’s something about that one chick. i forgot her name..” san giggled. oh, so it’s the girl.. not the pill. but yunho insisted that the drug enhanced everything. made it feel so much better when she’d wrap her lips around his cock. “come on, woo. it’s just one. we’ll go with you to make sure you’re alright.” wooyoung contemplated it for one more moment, but then deciding that life was too short to not make bad decisions, he swallowed the drug quickly.

eager to feel the effects of lsd, wooyoung quickly changed into the most shameless outfit he had. a sheer top with a jean jacket and loose ripped pants that he decided to wear fishnet leggings with. san did wooyoungs makeup, slightly dabbing rose gold eyeshadow on the birthday boy’s eyelid and applying the prettiest shade of blush to his nose and cheeks.

“good to go.” san chirped. wooyoung looked at himself in the mirror. unsure if this was still a good idea but yunho dragged him out the door anyway. “come on, we don’t wanna keep her waiting !” he exclaimed. they opted on walking to the club instead, positive that it’d be unsafe to drive under the influence.

“you’re gonna have a lot of fun, woo.” yunho laughed. it seemed like he was already in a trance. giggling and pointing at random things in the distance and grabbing wooyoung’s arm at random times. after a long walk to downtown, wooyoungs hazy brained tried to administer the glowing neon sign of the odd looking club he was brought to. there were shady people everywhere. they all seemed to stare daggers at him and wooyoungs heartbeat raced faster and faster.

he felt like he was going to have a heart attack if he didn’t manage to get into a secluded room. that wasn’t far, though because you were right around the corner. “who are you here for ?” the grumpy receptionist ask. he was blonde, tired and it seemed like she was being forced to work here. her eyes were lined with black and piercings adorned almost every part of her face. wooyoung found himself responding to her so much later than he wanted to. was this the effects of what he had taken earlier ?

“y-y/n… yeah her. i made an appointment with her.” he responded. wooyoung was still in a daze and yunho wasn’t anywhere to be found. wooyoung assumed he had been ditched by his friend and just continued on. filling out a long sheet with paperwork about his… kinks ? the lines doubled in front of him and suddenly the letters were dancing across the sheet of paper. he blinked again, shocked by his imagination. the dancing letters were gone but the blur of the fine print was still apparent. but the bigger questions on hand were, was woo into whipping ? did he enjoy being on top ? and to be quite honest, he couldn’t even find it in himself to stand straight right now.

after handing back the sheet he had so messily filled out, wooyoung found himself trudging through the confusion hallways. or were they ? he saw three of each. each hallway had a different color and suddenly, he couldn’t differentiate between fiction and reality. his head pounded and his dick throbbed. fuck, what was in that stupid pill ? the picture framed hung on the wall seemed to be falling and the checkered floor was warping around everywhere.

he was imagining everything. is this what you call a bad trip ? he wondered. he tumbled into your room without knocking. there wasn’t much to look at other than the shrinking couch and the coffee table that seemed to be bouncing up and down. “oh my fucking god.” he talked to himself. really, what was happening ? you stared the boy up and down, taking in his sheer top and the beautiful carve of abs under it. he collapsed on the sofa right in front of you, in a clear daze and it didn’t seem like he was even aware of himself.

“where’s yunho ?” you questioned him. you knew his three friends quite well. san, yunho and hongjoong all returned to you constantly, always under the influence, reckless and shamelessly willing to get their dicks sucked. each boy praising you each time and each one embarrassingly submissive. “i don’t...know.” he responded after like three minutes of just intense staring. he was handsome, just like his other friends. there was no doubt that this entire friend group had genes of greek gods.

“did you sign the contract earlier ? about having sex under the influence ? we discussed it over the phone too.” you quipped. it wasn’t that you wanted to get him over with. it was more so that you wanted to get under his shameless, sheer clothing. “yeah..” he said. you rolled your eyes, slightly wishing that he would’ve been a slight bit more responsive rather than hyperfocusing on the leg of the table in front of him.

“give me your attention, wooyoung.” you whispered to him, slowly sitting on his lap. his face quickly perked up at you, taking in your features. he leaned forward tilting his head like he was gonna kiss you, but instead he opted for slumping his face into your neck. his hands wrapped around your waist and brought you closer to his throbbing dick. “show me. show me what’s so special about you. show me why my friends rave on about you so much.”

you leaned into him, kissing his shoulders and slowly stripping him of his outfit. first to come off was the jean jacket, then the sheer top. you paused to kiss and nip at his body. his chest fell and rose rapidly. “so.. so pretty.” he whined. his lips spread over his teeth, showing off his pearly teeth. “please, please don't stop.” he croaked. his senses were heightened and his temperature risened. “you feel so fucking good on me, darling.” his praises kept you going and they continued to fuel you when you were in between his legs, desperately pulling at his belt.

you pulled his hard, leaking dick out. it was dripping and his grey boxers were stained with his own precum. “such a dirty boy for me, right woo ?” he moaned in agreement, not responding in any actual words as you pumped his dick. his mouth was open and he stared up at the ceiling, seeing rainbows and other bullshit you couldn’t imagine. the walls surrounding him were opening and closing and he couldn’t feel anything but the lithe fingers on his cock pumping and squeezing at his base.

he hissed at the feeling of your lips enveloping his dick. kissing at his tip before taking him in further. “f-fuck.. y/n please.” he moaned. “please don’t fucking tease.” he begged. tears seeped from his eyes. his eyebrows furrowed and his dick throbbed harder. “such an emotional little baby, hm ?” you said. he nodded, not having it in him to fight your claims. “such a bitchy baby for you, please.” he cried. you worked your mouth over his dick faster, looking up at him with puppy doe eyes. he was still staring at the ceiling so you suctioned your lips around his dick, sucking him off harder than before.

wooyoungs breath hitched in his throat. “‘f-fuck-” he breathed. his moans were light and airy and on the border of being whiney. “look at me, baby.” you said firmly. he looked at you almost immediately, as if he was gonna miss the sight of your plump lips fixed around his pretty dick. his chest rose faster than before. the temperature increased and all wooyoung could focus on was the flashing lights around him. the purples, the pinks and the small smiles you dropped while sucking him off. he was groaning in overstimulation, unsure if he had actually even come or not. it already felt so good.

you worked your hands up to his balls, cradling them in your hands gently and that seemed to be wooyoung pandora box, because he came right in your mouth. he was messy, and unsure. his moans were loud and whiny. “fuck- so good. so good to me.” you whined. “touch me more, please.” he begged. so you continued, sucking his torso. writing your name on his chest with love marks. “you’re mine for tonight, right?” he asked. his voice was soft and his eyes full of tears. “ ‘m yours, baby. all yours.” you groaned back.

“please- please fuck me. wanna be inside you so bad. wanna be your good boy.” he whined. so you let him take his pretty hands and pull you up over his waist. your skirt was bunched up to the side, and his cock pierced your dripping cunt. he hissed in pleasure, moaning about how good it felt. wooyoung’s heart was going into overdrive. the excessive feeling of your cunt pulsing around his cock and the temperature in the room only made things difficult for him.

he felt you sliding up and down and honestly, that’s when he stopped paying attention. his eyes crossed over as his mouth fell open in a silent moan. you leaned down and kissed the corner of his mouth, wrapping your hands around his throat to bring him closer. “so fucking pretty.” you cooed back.

he nodded, dumbly. “good..good boy..” he whispered. “your good boy.” his dick twitched as he came again onto the condom you had placed on him after sucking him off. “yes, you are my good boy.” you giggled back. he was cute. cute and still rock fucking hard, so obviously the only way to solve that was to make him cum as many times as you could. after all, he was the drugged up birthday boy.

tagging : @strangertides @bunnybubkook @ateezbabysitters @shiningstar-byulxx @deliciouslydisturbed365 @sxlver-sweet @leicy0756 @in-san-ity @aesmstar @rdiamondbts2727 @earth-to-leiki @luvaffaire + send an ask to be removed or added to taglist.

© tohokuu. do not steal or plagiarize.

[silv3rswirls]

Learning Experience part one

Professor Namjoon Smut

Anon asks: Yay!! Requests are open again 🥳Okay okay.. Professor Joon getting a blowjob from student! reader. 🤐 by blowjob i mean using their throats as a fleshlisht 👀Gotta have the dirty talk and degradation. 🥺 Please, bit heavier and dirtier this time 🥺 (consensual but it depends on you. No pressure 😅) 😋 Oh and add anything please add the spitting kink you like. Thanks for bearing with me btw 👉👈❤️❤️ Have a nice day ❤️❤️ this is gonna be fun 👀👀

NOT PROFESSOR JOON! Kinky anon you need to stop hitting all my favorite kinks. It’s a problem- are you reading my mind over here? 

Warnings: Female reader, student/professor, dirty talk/degradation, blowjob, spitting, slight corruption kink

Word Count: 1.5k

nsfw below the cut!

It was safe to say that Kim Namjoon was one of the most attractive professors at your college. It seemed that all the girls who took his class swooned for him. Personally, you had never seen all the excitement over him, that was until you took his class. The truth was that Namjoon was undoubtedly attractive. Tall with swept-back hair, professional, and he had one of the most beautiful dimpled smiles you had come across. Not to mention his voice; a rich and velvety tone that you could listen to his lecture all day.

You liked to think of yourself better than falling for your professor, but clearly, you were wrong.

As hot as Namjoon was, his class was tough. He was a serious teacher who didn’t believe in babying his students and you liked that about his class, but halfway through the semester, you found your grades beginning to slip. Once they fell it was hard to get the backup, trapped under a mountain of reading and assignments you found yourself close to failing. Namjoon normally didn’t keep a close track of his students grades, nor did he call them in to talk about them. Once you had noticed him holding a student back to discuss his grades, but other than that it seemed everyone was supposed to fend for themselves. So, when he told you to stay behind you were quite surprised, and nervous. You talked about your grades, even about some extra credit. You weren’t entirely sure what led you to be on your knees under his desk with his dick in your mouth, but you weren’t complaining.

After that encounter you noticed Namjoon being a tad more lenient with your work, just a bit, but you took whatever you could get. And while you wanted to lie to yourself and say that blowing him after school hours was an isolated occurrence deep down you wanted it to happen again. You had dated before, but nothing ever crossed into the bedroom. Your professor being one of your first sexual experiences was, well, exciting. Namjoon clearly knew what he was doing and didn’t seem to mind you fumbling through your first blowjob. The dirty things he told you with that deep voice of his had been music to your ears, and you wanted more. So you asked to speak to him after class and it happened again and you waited anxiously for the next time he would tell you to come to him after school. 

It seemed that today was your lucky day. You were currently sitting before him, knee’s growing sore against the hard floor as you bobbed up and down his length. His hand was tangled laxly in your hair, occasionally you found his fingers tense, debating whether or not to pull your hair or not. It was one of the few things you noticed when the two of you got together, he seemed to be holding back what he really wanted. He treated you softly, may be unsure if he should take things to a rougher place. You were a stranger to most things that weren’t considered vanilla, but you wanted nothing more than to please your professor. You pulled away from him, adjusting your position before looking up at Namjoon, who stared back with a quirked eyebrow. “What’s wrong?” 

You shook your head, “nothing’s wrong” you muttered, feeling yourself grow a bit embarrassed to bring it up. “It’s just...if you want to be rougher with me, you can.”

“Oh really?” he asked, his hand coming to cup your face, thumb swiping away the dribble of saliva at the corner of your mouth. “You want me to be rough?” He asked again, his deep voice making you squirm in place. You blink up at him, worried at the tone he had taken. 

“Only if you want…”

To your surprise, he smiled, “you’ll do anything to please me, hm?” He hummed, pulling you in closer and tipping your head to stare up at him. “What a whore” he grinned and you bit your lip to hide your smile. You had never known how much the world of degradation and dirty talk turned you until you started your little escapades with your professor. He pulled you back onto his dick, telling you to tap his thigh twice if things became too much. You hummed, sure that you wouldn’t be stopping him. Giving Namjoon pleasure had become one of your favorite pastimes and it only worked to turn you on more and more. 

Namjoon grabbed the back of your head to push you down further. Obediently you opened your mouth wider to take him all over him and you shuddered when you felt the tip of his cock hit the back of your throat. He held you there for a moment, letting you adjust and get your breathing in control. Namjoon took a moment to take in your expression, side innocent eyes gazing up at him with tears beginning to brim them. “Such a pretty slut” he sighed, tightening his grip on your hair before starting to move you up and down his shaft. You tried your best to keep your jaw slack, but you couldn’t help the little coughs and sputters escape. He didn’t stop though, increasing his speed and building apace. “Don’t worry” he cooed, “we’ll get rid of that gag reflect, won’t we?” He hummed at the warm tongue running along his shaft and your throat constricting now and again. “Such a whore, letting your teacher use your face like this.” he peered down at you, the sight of your choking and gasping made him bite his lip, not ready to climax and end the fun just yet. Small tears bubbled in your eyes, falling down your cheeks as he used you. “Letting me use you just so you pass” he repeated, “too much of a dumb slut to do the work yourself, have to suck me off instead. You like this better don’t you slut?” You squealed in shock when he titled your head up a little more and spat onto you, mixing with the tears falling down your cheek.

If you were able to, you would’ve nodded. You were almost ashamed to admit how often you thought about your professor using you like this. You thought about how many times you had sat down to do your work at home, only to let your thoughts drift to Namjoon and your times together and get too turned on to keep working; devolving to desperately trying to get yourself off at the thought of him and wishing he would just bend you over his desk and fuck you. Without warning, you felt Namjoon still his movements as he shot his load into your mouth, pulling you off halfway and letting a few strings of cum hit your face. Namjoon groaned, watching a mix of cum and spit dribbled down your chin and onto your clothes. Namjoon wished his phone was near him so he could take a picture of your red and teary face, cum, and spit dribbling down and your hair a tangled mess around it. 

Before you could even get up to clean yourself off you felt Namjoon push you roughly under his desk as someone knocked on the door. Worry bubbled up in your chest as you heard one of the other professors walk in to ask Namjooon a few questions. You pressed your back against the desk, trying to get rid of the discomfort of your position. Namjoon talked back casually as if he hadn’t just been using you like a toy. You chewed on your lip, shifting at the wetness that had pooled between your legs. Namjoon’s foot tapped you lightly when a small whimper escaped you. You gasped, his shoe coming to press between your legs. You gripped at his thigh as he rubbed your cunt. You tried your best to conceal your moans and gasps, waiting desperately for the other professor to leave. 

Finally, when the door closed and the two of you were alone again Namjoon pulled away from you. He peered down at you, a small smirk playing at his lips. “So eager to get off on my shoe?” Your face was bright red and you gave a shy nod as he pulled you up, pushing you to sit on the edge of his desk. His hands massaged over your thighs, slipping under your skirt in no time and yanking your panties down. You whined, his fingers slipping into you his thumb rubbing your clit quickly. You squirmed and moaned under his movements, “you want to cum?” He asked and you nodded, muttering a tired and whiny please in response. “Look at you, all covered in my cum and spit, begging for me to let you cum. God, you're so desperate, come on and cum slut.” You moaned, trying to keep your volume down as you came all over his fingers. Namjoon smirked, watching you fall apart before him. You felt him brush your hair back from your face, his hand moving to pet your hair as he took in your appearance. “Come see me again tomorrow” he grinned, “there’s still a lot to explore with you.”

You nodded tiredly, already too excited to wait for tomorrow’s lesson.

[thefanficmonster]

Real Friends

Valkyrae & Reader (Male)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: SMAU, Platonic fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Following an accidental and not very consensual face reveal, Y/N’s dealing the sudden shift of the spotlight on him even more than it was before. Being the big deal he is on social media, the internet has every right to be freaking out. Luckily, he’s got a friend to help him cope with it all.

Requested by @iawaythrown Hii! Thank you so much for your request! I’m so sorry for how long it has taken me to complete your request and post it but here it finally is. I’ve never written a SMAU before so this isn’t the classic SMAU format but I still hope you’ll enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

Imagine you end a toxic relationship of almost a year and go to bed feeling like a ton of bricks has been lifted off you, like you can finally breathe properly and like you’re finally getting a taste of freedom. The very freedom you chose to lose by getting in the toxic relationship in the first place. Of course, I didn’t know it was toxic at the time, probably cause it wasn’t, but it gradually turned into a nightmare.

A nightmare that keeps haunting me even after I thought I had put an end to it.

Apparently, that was wishful thinking cause I woke up this morning to find an unbelievable number of notifications and messages from friends, family and my manager and associates. Being in the music industry as a faceless creator, I keep my circle tight and it only consists of people I can trust so to see them all freaking out at me at once, even the most level-headed ones, freaked me out too. Quickly, I opened the first notification I reflexively tapped on and it opened a post in which someone had tagged me.

A picture taken of me while I was asleep, no doubt one taken by my ex. That being said, I think we can all have a guess at who posted it in the first place. I didn’t listen to my manager when he told me to not allow anyone I trust 1000% into my inner circle. I was foolish and at the peak of my career, feeling on top of the world and feeling invincible which was rare for me. I’ve always been insecure about many things in my life, growing up with a lot of judgy people made me be that way. Not to mention that I didn’t want to be the victim of the internet’s racism either. People turn a blind eye most of the time, but it’s still there, it still exists and looms over all social media platforms, disturbing people’s peace left and right.  You see, I didn’t want people to have an opinion of my art based on my appearance or associations with other creators. I’m pretty good friends with many content creators, especially in the gaming industry, but I’ve never wanted to be put in a box as one of the many friends of someone famous. I made a name for myself without anyone knowing who I am exactly.

And now they all know because of this photo that my ex sent to float down the rivers of hungry social media:

Damn am I gonna get an earful from my manager or what. It’s still rater early though and I’m really not about to deal with this drama on a caffeine-free brain so if there are any calls, emails or messages that need answering - and yes, there are PLENTY of them - they’ll all have to wait until I feel like dealing with them. I’m glad I don’t have to keep up this unbothered charade at home since I live alone cause I seriously don’t feel ok with this. I mean, I could probably report it, but what use would that be when my brand now has a face and a huge chunk of my privacy has already surfaced against my will.

As I sit in my kitchen, sipping my coffee, I finally gather the nerve to at least scroll through the notifications that I’ve received. Fans reaching out, relatives, friends, pissed off people that are there just to exist and try to disturb my peaceful existence but all they’re gonna get is a hard DELETE from me. I have offers on top of offers for modeling pending, waiting on my response. I’ve never considered it, being a faceless creator and all, but my manager will definitely want to milk some cash from this too. That thought makes me sigh in defeat. I have no one to blame but myself for trusting my ex. No one made me do it, no one made me let them in, but I still did, fucking myself over insanely. Just like they’ve now fucked me over.

Amongst the sea of notifications and yet to be opened messages, one in particular stands out and makes me do a double take. It’s a message from my friend Rae - Valkyrae, as she’s known online. She’s one of those gamer friends I mentioned earlier, probably the one I’m closest with. Her and I talk on the regular so seeing a message from her in my inbox is nothing unusual so I wonder why that was the one that stuck out to me. Regardless, that’s the only one I feel like opening and replying to at the moment.

V ~ Hey Y/N, you doing ok? This all must be really hard on you so don’t feel obligated to reply. Do so when you can or want to. I’m here if you wanna talk

Of course Rae would be the one to know how I truly feel in a situation like this. I can act and cover up all I want but she knows exactly what’s underneath the surface of my façade. That third eye friends have for each other, it’s incredible.

Me ~ Doing ok. Wasn’t expecting to wake up to this but now that millions of people know what I look like it feels oddly bittersweet, you know? Like I don’t have to go out of my way to hide anymore but I’m also gonna miss that privacy I had while I was a phantom

Me ~ On the upside: people want me to be a model now XD

My message goes to Seen almost write away, the Typing icon appearing shortly after the messages were read. I wait for Rae’s reply, sipping my slowly cooling coffee with little interest due to how invested I am in our conversation. If there’s a person who can make light of this situation, it’s Rae, no doubt about it.

V ~ I know what you mean. It’s not gonna be easy to adjust to but you will get used to it eventually. I’m sure you’ll even grow to like it. Promise you, it’s not that scary to be exposed, there’s literal millions of people who support you wholeheartedly :) 

V ~ Us, your friends, are here too! Never forget that, we’ve always got your back, Y/N!

V ~ Oh and you really should be a model! Whoever’s saying that has got the right idea. Maybe don’t fear this new change, but embrace it! Take this new turn in your life confidently. Sure, it was out of the blue, but do you really want the person who exposed you to feel the satisfaction of bringing you down? That doesn’t sound like you at all tbh

The epiphany strikes me as soon as Rae’s words sink in as I read them. She’s 100% right. The last thing I want is for my ex to think they’ve won. I refuse to give them the pleasure of tasting victory on the expense of my mental health and career progress. In fact, imma show them just how much they benefited me. But first...

Me ~ Thank you so much, Rae. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this eye-opener

Me ~ I owe you one <3

I sure as hell owe her one, but for now I have other battles to win.

Rifling through my gallery, I find one more recent picture and without a shred of doubt or hesitation, I go straight to Instagram to post it.

~ “Since y’all were curious...And since y’all wanna see me model, you’re welcome” ~

Within seconds likes and comments start flowing in like a riptide, taking over my phone that, despite being charged all night, is already at half of its battery life.

I refresh the page with the post to look at the new comments that have come through, all supportive and complimenting me, some are real thirsty and some are incredibly kind. And even in that sea, her comment still sticks out to me, making me grin like an idiot.

“That’s what I was talking about! Work it, Y/N!“

[yandere-daydreams]

Kinktober - Day Seventeen

Prompt: Cosplay

Pairing: Leviathan/Reader (Obey Me)

TW: Non-Consensual Touching, Emotional Manipulation, Slight Dissociation, Slight Bondage, Implied Sexual Extortion. 

Sometimes, you missed how ashamed Leviathan used to be about his hobbies.

You wouldn’t go so far as to call it charming, but it was endearing. It was cute, especially when he was far enough along to come to you with his latest projects, but still too awkward and too nervous to do anymore more than shove a bundle of cloth into your hands and sputter out something about ‘needing a model’ or ‘trying it on if you want to, no pressure’. Even when he started bringing a camera, when the shorts got shorter and the shirts got tighter and he stopped bothering to put buttons on anything that came to rest above your diaphragm, you hadn’t thought anything of it. You were having fun with your friend, and with his loyalty to the source material, you couldn’t be surprised when you were given outfits more risqué than what you were used to. He’d been too scared to touch you back then, much less ask you to do anything less than family-friendly. It was fun. It used to be fun.

It used to be. It really, honestly used to be.

You just wish you could say the same thing about your more recent sessions.

It wasn’t the skirt was the wrong size. No, it couldn’t be, Leviathan knew your measurements like the back of his hand. It fit perfectly, it was just made to be like that. The waistline had been synched purposefully, falling above your hips and making it difficult to take anything but shallow, heaving breaths, and every pleat had been ironed in with a sense of devotion, a sense of resolve, one that allowed it to dip in all the wrong places, one that allowed it to cover much less than any uniform should. That’s what this was supposed to be, right? A uniform? That would make sense - in theory, it could pass for the classic white and blue sailor suit you’d seen on so many of his figurines, but you doubted any proper educator would welcome you with open arms. There was too much skin for that. The thigh-highs were too tight, and the material was too sheer, the high-necked collar doing little to save your pride despite its conservative design. Or, conservative compared to the rest of the ensemble, at least.

It might not be so bad if he’d given a task, a theme, something to do and think about besides the camera flashing at your side, in front of you, above you, everywhere. He’d said it like he was doing you a favor, telling you to lie down and let him do the rest, but you couldn’t bring yourself to be thankful, not when he was so close, straddling your thighs to ‘get a better view’. You’d tried smiling, early on, staring into his lens and doing your best to look happy, but the light hurt your eyes and your entire body was stiff and he hadn’t even noticed when you started frowning, averting your gaze, centering your focus on the door as you prayed another brother would interrupt his little photoshoot. You didn’t want to disappoint him, but you didn’t want to keep going, either.

You wanted him to get away from you.

You wanted him to stop looking at you like that.

When you finally opened your mouth, your voice was meeker than you would’ve liked. More of a request than a demand. “Levi?”

“What’s up?” It was a question, but it sounded like a dismissal, his tone casual and non-committal. He could hear you, but you doubted he’d do much to prove he was listening. “I’m almost done, I just need a few more shots.”

A few more shots. A few more perspectives. Hadn’t he said that half an hour ago? Actually, it might’ve been closer to an hour, now. You didn’t have a clock in your room, and you couldn’t reach your phone from your current position, so you wouldn’t know. It could’ve been two hours, it could’ve been an eternity. It was starting to feel like one, if you were being honest. “Levi,” You tried again, managing the smallest hint of insistence. “I really want to take a break.”

There was a slight hum, a pair of pursed lips. The camera stopped flashing as he pulled it away from his face and pressed on of the buttons on its side. “Is it uncomfortable? We can try a different pose, if you’re getting--”

This time, you didn’t bother trying to ask. You couldn’t bring yourself to to push him away, but you managed to sit up, to straighten your back, to roll your shoulders just enough for something near your spine to slide into place. “Levi,” You repeated, his name coming out as a plea. A forceful plea, but still a plea, only slightly better than dropping to your knees and begging him to take his kinks and get the fuck out of your room. “I really, really want to stop. I want to put my clothes back on, and I’d really appreciate it if we could do anything else. I just-- I don’t want to do this, anymore.”

For a moment, he didn’t respond. You were still glaring at the bedsheet, still too embarrassed to meet his eyes, but he couldn’t ignore you, he couldn’t ignore that. He must’ve heard you, he must’ve seen where you were coming from. You felt yourself relax the longer he stayed quiet, your hopes not soaring, but rising to a more bearable level. He couldn’t say no. He never did, you guessed. He never technically said you couldn’t.

All he did was laugh.

“Good idea, (Y/n).” You didn’t see his tail. You didn’t even realize he’d manifested it, not until you heard his low chuckle, not until you felt something cool and scaled and solid loop around your leg, digging into the flesh of your thigh before wrapping around your waist and dragging you back down, your body hitting the mattress with a hollow, deafening thud. It was like having someone wrap a rope around your neck. It was like being pinned down by a coiling, writhing snake, one you could only claw at and struggle against so helplessly, it would’ve been more likely to let you go out of pity than fear. You tried kicking, tried pushing yourself up, tried fighting, but Leviathan only grinned down at you, cocking his head to the side as you failed to do so much as loosen his hold. “I was getting bored of the last set-up, too. This should be a lot more interesting, especially if you can keep that expression up.” His tail tightened around you, and something in your hip cracked. You let out a desperate, breathless sob, but if Leviathan noticed, he didn’t care enough to acknowledge it. “You’ll need to stay still, alright? If you move too much, I won’t be able to get a good picture. And besides...”

You wanted to complain. You wanted to scream, but every sound you made came out as a whisper, too quiet and too airy to be taken seriously. Even if you could spit something out, you doubted Leviathan would care. He was already smiling, again, already lifting his camera back into place. As if nothing was wrong.

As if you weren’t prepared to rip his next costume to shreds, if it meant keeping him away from you.

“You wouldn’t want to ruin your outfit.”

[chemicalpink]

So what about: love readings 💌✨💫

It has come to my attention that sometimes it’s hard to set things straight when it comes to love readings, and while they’re so much fun to do and read, there are a few pointers that we all must have in mind when it comes to these things.

First of all, this information comes from my experience with tarot and spirituality in general, I have a lot of faqs you can refer to if in doubt about my experience or you can always ask me stuff. As always, you know that tarot is just a small part of what constitutes a whole human being, so it’s not the ultimate truth.

Okay, in order to begin comprehending love readings, we must dissect the parts that are involved in them.

1. Love: there are a lot of types of love, by definition it is an intense feeling of deep affection. First pointer tho, we all feel, explore, act upon, experience love differently, so it is a very subjective matter that only we know personally.

2. Tarot: as a method of divination, it is a tool (yes a tool, you can’t just pick up a deck and consider what it tells you to be the ultimate truth, well you could but be responsible and don’t do it) it allows us to pick up on existing energies to allow us to see the bigger picture at hand. Each deck develops a different personality of sorts so that has to be taken into account too.

3. People: I don’t even have a definition that can begin to explain this, we are made up of A LOT of dimensions, cultural, political, social, empiric, astrological, psychological, physical… the things that matters the most to us right now tho is the energetic part of them, all of the things that make us up and I’ve mentioned before have two main ways to project themselves: either we voice them or act accordingly, or we exude them via energy, vibes if you must.

So once that we’ve laid out the terms, let’s see the relation between them.

1. People + Tarot: tarot, as a tool, allows us to reach towards a specific energy that’s not close to us, given the current energy exuding from the person we are trying to read. We usually read for people we are t that close to, which is why we need to be in tune with our decks to be able to read accurately. So for example, say I’m trying to read for Park Jimin, in order for me to read for Park Jimin from BTS (which is the one I’m thinking about) I need to be perfectly in tune with my deck, otherwise I could pick up 1. Any other energy or 2. Other Park Jimin whose energy reaches my deck first. Pointer: this is why we do rectification readings.

2. People + Love: evidently we all feel love different ways, different levels, we experience it in maaaaany different ways, and it’s not something static so it is prone to change over time as we experience more things, meet more people. I guess we could also englobe here the soulmate subject but that’s a long story for another day, what you need to know is that love and people and how they relate isn’t an easy topic that can be discussed just in general terms.

3. Love + Tarot: the most interesting yet tricky part, let’s say love vibrates at a certain frequency, and sure, we’ve said that we, as people, feel love differently, different types of love, but that has more to do with us being multidimensional beings, so what happens with tarot, a divination tool, non multidimensional onal, picking up love energy? It becomes increasingly difficult to specify the different types of love. Sure, for an experienced reader, very much in tune with their deck they could pick apart stronger fated love energies, but even then, the accuracy may not be as high. Which is why, when doing most readings, it should be kept as a s/o, which may mean partner, long term, short term, crush, love interest. This is mainly when we just have the half of the couple. If we were to know who both people were, we could read energies individually and then, as a unit both of them.

Love readings accuracy: time frames

Tarot picks up on existent energy, current energies, evidently that energy can shift, as all does in this life, decisions we make, opportunities that present themselves, even the decisions other people make around us can affect the route we are taking at that time, which is why general consensus is: 6 months time ahead, things don’t tend to shift radically in 6 months time. I mean, for it to be more accurate you’d have to have readings like- every month or so but that’s detrimental to your journey (if reading for yourself) and an invasion of privacy (if reading for other people) being obsessive over something really gets you nowhere.

So that’s about it. A general part of it anyways.

[tasteofyizhan]

Hi, I’ve been wondering this for a while... given how popular both GG and DD are, I would be really amazed if there were no pictures of them together taken by paparazzi or fans. But there seems to be none. I hate to say this but realistically there must be greedy people out there who would jump at profiting from selling their pictures to the media. And it seems that the rumors are that they interact with each other outside of their living space. Anyway, I was wondering what your thoughts were. Thanks!

Hi! I want to start this off by saying that this is fake, this is fanfiction, and is purely my personal opinion on the topic, so please don’t take this as fact. Other people may have a different take, and that’s perfectly fine - the only 2 people who really know what’s what are GGDD. The rest of us are mere spectators, trying to guess at the truth. 

Now, with that said, I’m going to break this post into photos taken of them during the Untamed, and photos taken of them post-Untamed. Why? Because I think the amount of photos and BTS of taken during the filming of the Untamed have shaped people’s expectations on the amount of material that they expect to find on GGDD post-Untamed, and I want to talk a bit about why we should be happy that there isn’t more material on them post-Untamed.

So I think there’s some fandom consensus that whatever started between them really solidified/became serious when they began filming the Untamed. I say this because of some of the things that came out from the BTS - for example, the birthday BTS, and DD’s post the next day gives me a very strong impression that for him, at least, was when he had made up his mind about GG. So I’m going to hazard a guess and say that that was when they really decided how they wanted to take things forward. 

Now, if we go by that timeline, there are plenty of pictures and videos of them, and all of those can be excused by the fact that they’re co-workers who have to work in close proximity with each other - literally, the very nature of their respective characters means that they share plenty of scenes. To me, this is the perfect cover for a budding relationship, where you can constantly be around and touch someone you’re interested in and pass it off as “guys being guys and hanging out and roughhousing”. So what I’m trying to get at is that there are tons of pictures of GGDD together during this time - just that it makes it harder for people to sort out whether it’s pictures of co-workers hanging out, or whether it’s something more. (I mean it’s easy for us, but that’s because we’re all clowns!)

However, there’s one set of photos that stick out to me, and that’s the Dragon Boat festival. You can read more about that here. I’m going to guess and say that that was probably the first time that GGDD was aware of the spotlight on them - the spotlight being the world outside the bubble of the Untamed set. Sure, there were cameras pointed at them all the time while they were on set, but that’s on set, where there’s an expectation that they would be filmed. This was the paps trying to catch DD on a date with his “girlfriend”, and finding GG there instead. Then after that, the Untamed blew up, and suddenly the whole world was looking at them. I don’t think anyone in the cast or crew expected to find this much level of success - yes, there was already a set fanbase from the books, but this not only turned out to be a massive hit in China, it also swept through Southeast Asia and even caught the attention of people halfway around the globe in America and Europe. Now, if the Dragon Boat photos had put them on alert, the resulting craze for the Untamed would only make them more wary. 

The Untamed aired from June to August 2019. According to this incredible post, GGDD’s last joint interview was the Thailand fan meet in September 2019. That’s also the last time we have “good” BTS videos and photos of them - because any interactions between them could easily be explained away as them promoting the show. After that, with exception of when they meet at award shows or for official events, it seems like the amount of BTS photos and videos of them together abruptly drop off, so it’s natural that some fans wonder why it is, when they’re supposedly so close. 

My guess is that post-Untamed, they’ve become much more aware of the number of eyes watching them. They know the lengths that some fans will go to, and they’re very careful to take precautions and surround themselves with people they know they can trust. And the lengths that they go to protect their privacy can be extreme - I’m linking to this old article to highlight that as far back as 2019, GG was already engaging in defensive tactics to try and avoid crazy fans. Last year, there was a period where they began adopting each other’s style to the point that on a casual glance, people mistook GG as DD and vice versa. There was some speculation that they did this on purpose so in the event that someone actually saw them, they would have assumed that it was actually the other person. (ie. if someone saw GG exiting DD’s hotel but dressed like how DD would have dressed, they would have assumed it was DD). 

In addition, there were clips that showed how uncomfortable both of them were when they realised the full extent of how much BTS there was, and how much BTS had been released. If anything, that would probably only reinforce their need for discretion. Keep in mind that while China has decriminalised homosexuality, however, LGBT folk are still discriminated against. Any photos or videos of them that can’t be explained away would have a serious impact on their careers, so I’m not surprised that they’re now very careful about what they do and how they behave around each other publicly, which might be a stark contrast on how they used to behave around each other when filming the Untamed. You can see how stiff and formal they are around each other at official awards and events, and this is the reason why. 

Also, keep in mind that they’re also both busy professionals with very hectic schedules, and who probably don’t have a lot of opportunities to physically meet, and the lack of photos or videos of them together post-Untamed would make a lot of sense.

It’s also good that they’re not always collaborating professionally (even though a collaboration would mean that they would get to legitimately spend time with each other). Both of them are trying to move beyond the label of 小鲜肉 (literally, little fresh meat), which can have negative connotations - ie. they’re just a pretty face with no talent. Their success outside of the Untamed and outside of each other proves that they’re not just one-trick ponies who only are only famous or successful because of fan service, and that’s good.

However! 2020 was kind of an incredible year for how much DD slipped up during TTXS (and on other shows). There were so many instances where he said something that left his brothers scrambling to cover for him. Others have done a far more detailed and better job in covering some of these instances here and here. You have infer a bit more, and you don’t get everything laid out for you in a photo or a BTS video, but their interactions are still there - just in a different form.

[omgsomeonesomewhereonearth]

I’ll Write This Scene a Thousand Times - Ch2

AO3 || Chapter 1

Ship: Moceit (Janus/Patton)

Warnings: Arguing, smoking mention character outed before they're ready.

Summary: Patton and Janus get into an argument. Feelings are hurt, and then they are shared.

Taglist: Technically, I don't have one yet, but I'm tagging some people from the first chapter who seemed interested in reading more. If you want to be added or removed, send me an ask or message.

@iclaimedtobethebetterbard @princess-rosie @symphony-soldier-29 @stardustsides @ent-is-undecisive @roka-logical-lies @ifyouhadntbutyoudid @3-has-charm @moceit

...

“Come on, try to be more cute!”

His new pretend paramour was turning out to be quite the demanding director. Janus pursed his lips, leaning idly against Patton’s incredible cozy couch cushions as he watched him tilt his phone this way and that, trying to find the most natural angle for a staged relationship announcement.

“You wound me, Patton,” he deadpanned, “I was under the impression you already found me rather cute.” Patton glared - no, that was the wrong word. Something incredibly intrinsic in the nature of Patton didn’t quite allow him to ‘glare’. Patton pouted at him in the selfie camera, freckled cheeks puffing out in frustration.

Clearly, he didn’t have much trouble with that particular direction, Janus mused.

“Why can’t you just smile?”

“I am smiling.”

“You’re smirking!”

“Same thing.”

Patton made a very petulant noise indeed, “This needs to be believable!”

“You’re mistaken if you think anything where I’m-” he shuddered, “-smiling, will be remotely believable.”

Then he caught a look at Patton’s face. As funny as it was to wind him up, Janus wasn’t sure he wanted to see him actually crack today.

“Alright, look, why don’t you come closer?” he coaxed, shifting slightly and encouraging Patton to lean against him, draping his arm around his shoulder

“There you go, how sickeningly adorable are we?”

Within the frame of the selfie, they were adorable. Patton’s honey brown curls and fluffy white sweater were the perfect contrast against his fitted black button down - ofcourse, he already knew that, they’d chosen their outfits ahead of time. To anybody who couldn’t feel the stiffness in Patton’s shoulders, they probably looked like the perfect couple.

“Okay… you ready?”

Just as the countdown ticked to one, Janus turned his head and pressed a quick kiss against Patton’s cheek.

The camera clicked.

Patton whipped around to face him immediately after, cheeks darkening, “You - I didn’t know you were going to do that!”

Janus grinned, reaching for his wrist.

“And this is exactly why,” he replied in a voice not entirely devoid of smugness. The picture had been caught before Patton had had the chance to react, still smiling widely as Janus leaned over to kiss him, “You’re welcome.”

Patton blushed harder, spluttering slightly and quickly prying his wrist out of Janus’ grip, scooting back as far as the couch would allow. Janus let him go, following the embarrassed motion with his eyes.

Once he was at what he apparently deemed a safe distance away, Patton mumbled, “It is quite a good picture, actually. Better than any of the others we’ve taken today, anyway.”

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I said it was quite good, actually-”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t quite catch you saying that, would you mind -”

“Oh stop it!” the corner’s of Patton’s mouth twitched in what Janus chose to interpret as a smile.

He rose to his feet, feeling rather good about himself, “Well, now I suppose you can send that along to Logan for approval and we can be done here then? Er - not that this hasn’t been fun, or whatever.” he amended hastily. Nailed it.

“Oh, um - actually…”

Janus groaned, “I swear to God if you tell me we have to take another set of photos, ‘just in case’-”

“It’s not that,” Patton said quickly, “I was hoping we could talk.”

“Well, you’d better make it quick,” Janus drawled, “I do have actual engagements outside of this, you know.”

The words came out in a moment of pettiness and he regretted them almost immediately, partly because they weren’t remotely true - unless mooching around at his home counted as an ‘outside engagement’.

But as he said them, Patton deflated, his eyes downcast, his mouth drawing in to form a silent, plaintive ‘oh’.

“That’s okay!” he covered up quickly, as if he thought Janus hadn’t noticed his disappointment, “It was silly anyway, you don’t have to-”

“No no no, it’s quite okay,” Janus interjected hastily, “I can always take out the time for you, dear.”

Right, yes, flirt Janus. I’m sure that’ll somehow not make you the asshole here.

Patton gave him a wan smile. He gestured for Janus to sit, and he did, careful to leave space between them now that the camera had been put away. He watched Patton fidget for a few minutes as he tried to find the words he wanted to say.

“-So the night we… well, met, so to speak,”

Ah. Janus winced internally - he’d been wondering if Patton would want to have this conversation for a while now, and had dearly hoped he never would. Externally, he smirked. “Yes, I would say we were rather ‘well met’ - I’m glad you think so too.”

Instead of the frustrated groan that he was expecting, a burst of tiny, adorable laughter spilled out of Patton’s lips. Patton seemed just as surprised as him, lifting his hand to cover his mouth even as his shoulders shook and his dark eyes crinkled with delight.

It was hard not to smile back, with a laugh like that, especially when it had been his own idiotic joke that had caused it.

“That was quite funny,” Patton admitted as his giggles tapered off.

It had been terrible, but Janus wasn’t one to look compliment horses in the mouth. “Thank you, I try.”

Patton’s face sobered far too soon, “Um, did you - do you remember anything? From then, I mean?”

“I…” Janus considered, “I remember enough.”

The memories were hazy, though. He remembered leaving the premiere, going to get a drink. He remembered catching sight of an absolute vision in pale blue, gazing with wide, curious eyes at his surroundings, smiling and waving self consciously when he’d noticed Janus watching him. He couldn’t for the life of him remember what they’d talked about.

He hadn’t even known who Patton was, at the time, though he’d assumed he was at least semi-famous, given the usual clientele of the club.

“D’you - do you remember what I was acting like?” Patton asked haltingly, “Was I normal, I mean?”

Janus paused. He thought about the man he’d met , who laughed loudly and carelessly, who followed him eagerly to the dancefloor. Who looked at him like he would follow him anywhere, if Janus asked. He thought about the man he’d woken up next to, who’d been skittish, panicking, shrinking into himself when Janus so much as looked at him.

He thought about the way he’d felt when Patton laughed at his dumb joke.

“I’ve known you for about three days and you’ve been either tipsy or highly stressed for all of them,” he replied in a measured voice, “I’m hardly the person to ask how ‘normal’ you were acting.”

Patton nodded, though he seemed disappointed, his brow knit in confusion.

“It’s just - I don’t remember anything,” he started, voice strained, “I’ve gone over it so many times and I still can’t understand why I did it!”

Janus’ gut twisted far harder than it should have.

“Oh, thank you so much,” he snapped.

“That’s not fair,” Patton snapped back with just as much wounded ferocity, “You know what I mean - I’ve never done anything like that! I’m not like that, I stay out of trouble-”

“-Not like what, exactly?” Janus interrupted, narrowing his eyes, “Or should I say, ‘not like whom’?”

“Janus-”

Stop, he should stop, remove himself from the situation, calm down.

Janus had gotten to his feet without realising it.

“‘Stay out of trouble?’” he hissed, “We are grownups, have you considered that we shouldn’t be getting into ‘trouble’ for having consensual sex in the first place-”

“Of course I’ve considered it, but that doesn’t change the fact that we do, and we did!” Patton protested, “I’m just being realistic here, we both chose to be in this industry-”

Janus scoffed.

“And maybe you don’t care, but I-” Patton spoke right over him, “think I have a responsibility to behave-”

“Behave?” Janus laughed bitterly.

“You’re misunderstanding me-”

“Oh no, I think I understand just fine,” he interrupted, “I’m so sorry I led you astray, I assure you it won’t happen again.”

“I- I know it won’t?” Patton replied, dumbfounded, “Janus, I’m not trying to fight with you-”

“Well in that case, perhaps I should take my leave.” Janus cut in.

Patton looked dismayed, “Maybe that’s for the best, yeah,” he muttered eventually. He didn’t get up to show Janus the door.

Janus thought about slamming it behind him, but decided it would be rude and uncouth.

Besides, it would be far more satisfying to leave it open so that Patton would have to get up and close it. He was at the end of the corridor before he heard it click quietly closed.

He didn’t turn around.

…

Janus was mooching around in his flat. Janus was definitely not thinking about Patton as he did so.

Had he been about to cry, when he left? He wouldn’t have noticed at the time, what with his own anger, but the idea that Patton might have cried after he walked out made his heart clench.

Because that was fair, he grumbled to himself. It wasn’t like he’d said anything wrong, he was right - this whole charade they’d gotten trapped in, it was unnecessary and ludicrous, and it wasn’t his fault - wasn’t either of their faults.

God, he needed a smoke.

Just as he was reaching for the box hidden in his bedside drawer - why were they hidden, he lived alone - his phone buzzed. He’d been tagged in an image by @patton.theheart on Instagram. Ah yes. Even if they were both seething and furious at each other, the dance continued.

“Three perfect months with @totally_notalyre - we’re both so excited to finally share our relationship with you all!!! <3 <3 <3”

The comments were already flooding in, row after row of overwhelming positivity, keyboard smashing and heart emojis. Janus scrolled through them impassively, stopping to smirk at the ones raving about how attractive he was - well, he never claimed to be a modest man.

Then he saw one that made his blood run cold.

“So proud of you Patton!”

Followed by several rainbows.

And several more:

“I’ve been a fan of you since you were like, 16 and I’m so happy to finally see you living your truth!”

“Well done Patton! Don’t worry - your true fans will stick by you no matter what!”

“Thank you so much for sharing your true self with us, Patton <3”

The memories of the past few days, every version of Patton that lived in his head, flashed before Janus’ eyes in a very different light, ending with him cross legged on his couch, biting his inner cheek as he listened to Janus berate him.

He definitely needed a fucking smoke now. No he didn’t - he needed to call Patton, he needed to talk to him, to ask him - to ask him what? They were barely friends, and he’d just spent the afternoon yelling at him, what right did he have to demand answers?

“Calm down, Lyre,” he growled to himself, “Just call the man, be calm and subtle; you need to apologise to him if nothing else.”

“Hello?” Patton had picked up on the first ring. Did his voice sound subdued over the phone? Or teary?

“You weren’t out,” Janus blurted out clumsily. So much for subtle.

“I’m sorry?”

“When we had our… ‘encounter’,” he clarified, “You were still closeted?”

“Oh, that,” Patton replied flatly. He could practically hear him fidgeting over the phone, “Well technically, I wasn’t exactly closeted, I was just - trying to avoid talking about it until I was ready.”

“ …I’m so sorry.”

“No, no - it’s okay!” Patton said hastily, “I mean, maybe not ‘okay’, but looking on the bright side - I was planning on coming out in a few months from now anyway! So, you know, technically this took the pressure off!”

Despite his cheery tone, Janus got the feeling Patton didn’t quite believe himself. He definitely didn’t believe him. “You had one planned?” he asked.

“Well yeah, actually!” Patton admitted, “Technically, it’s still gonna happen - I’m gonna be releasing an album where I sort of share my experiences and feelings and stuff, so it’s not like I lost anything, I guess.”

You lost the right to control your own damn narrative, Janus didn’t retort, because he knew fully well that Patton knew that, he was just a relentless, infuriating optimist.

“Um… Janus?” Patton’s voice cut through his thoughts, “Just by the way - I’m not technically supposed to tell many people, so please just keep that quiet because I think Logan is already quite cross at me anyway?”

“Done,” Janus chuckled. Then he drew in a breath, ready to address the difficult part of this call, “Regarding my conduct earlier today - I believe I might owe you an apology.”

“No you don’t.” Patton responded quickly, far firmer than he’d ever been, at least with Janus.

“Patton-”

“You don’t,” he repeated, “Yeah, I mean - you could have been nicer, but you were right, and I said some less than nice things too! But, you know - when you sorta grow up in this industry, it becomes a bit hard to know which bits are normal and which bits are kinda…messed up? And our little spat today, it really kind of reminded me, so if anything, maybe I should thank you!”

“You should not.”

“Well-”

“If you can forbid me from apologising, I can forbid you from thanking me.”

“Yeah, okay, fair enough!” Patton’s giggle was just as infectious over the phone and Janus felt the corners of his mouth lift against his will.

“Ahem - well, lovely talking to you, as always, but I ought to get going now.”

“Goodnight Janus.”

“…Goodnight, Patton.”

[maccreadysimp]

breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

[mysmegrace]

hey love, how are you? i was wondering if you could do mc (any gender) and 707 going on a dinner date:)

hello love, i'm excellent (bc of u). of course i can, anything for you :3 i've decided to use they/them pronouns in this fic so it's easier for people to insert their own pronouns and gendered language as well as it being applicable to more people yknow. anyway i hope i did this justice <3

summary: saeyoung and mc got out to dinner to end the day. unbeknown to mc, saeyoung has a surprise to ask you.

words: 1.8k

Elly The Fourth (707 x MC)

---

you knew saeyoung had a tendency of being late, sometimes he’d even push it to the 15-20 minute mark. you vividly remember telling him about it in the past, but you two always came to an agreement. after all, you couldn’t stay mad when he’d grab the cat ears he had laying around, putting them on while puckering his lips to express false innocence.

however, he had failed to hold up your previous agreement of “if you are to be late, let me know beforehand”. passing a new number on the clock every time you looked up, the restaurant continued to populate with no sign of the man you longed for. boy would you let him have it this time.

you needed something new as a form of punishment. something that would make him stick to your agreements. maybe the silent treatment, or perhaps you’d whip him with the belt he spent a ridiculous amount of money on? “wait no... that wouldn’t end well on my end” you thought as your memories reminded you of his sadistic nature.

while trying to come to a consensus, the vermillion haired man entered the establishment. showing off his typical goofy, yet tender, smile as he eyed your sitting position down. you could hear the clicking of his shoes coming closer, but paid no attention as you had heard that the entire evening from strangers surrounding you.

“boo!” you hear suddenly, almost springing out of your seat, partially convinced your heart would jump out of your chest for a split second. however you had no time to take in sudden scare as your body instantly started to heat up. he arrived 25 minutes late and has the audacity to make his grand entrance by frightening you?

being met with silence on his end, he decides to quickly break the tension. “sorry i’m late, it was an accident” he says, only telling half of the truth. it was an accident in the fact that he was late and didn’t intend on being, but wasn’t an accident in the sense that he knew what he was doing beforehand.

however, he would keep that a secret until the time was right. surprises are better if they’re unexpected after all. snapping out of his thoughts, he noticed how your lips haven’t dared to move in the few minutes he’s been here. trying to come up with ways to lighten the mood while getting a response from you, he says “i’m really sorry. please forgive me and talk to me. it was for a good reason, i promise. you’ll find out soon enough”.

watching as your eyes softened and your posture lightened exactly when he was now eye level with you, he takes it as a sign to continue on with the original plan. only hoping your body language was from you being convinced by his words rather than because of your growing disappointment towards him. going to take the seat across from you, you answer “saeyoung, we’ve talked about this. why were you so late?”.

“babe, i can’t tell you yet. it’s a secret, please understand. let’s enjoy what i have planned for now and we can talk about it later, please?” he answered quickly, not giving a moment for him to accidently spill the beans. after a few seconds, he saw the look on your face as you decided to give into his proposal and make amends later.

for the next hour, tonight would strictly be about you two. he loves nothing more. once you give your verbal agreement, he gives back a small smile. one that reads of gratitude. calling the waiter over, you both receive your menus. 

the food all looked so good, but it wasn’t something he’d want everyday. that kind of taste isn’t much appealing to him. after all, he only chose the restaurant because of your open wish to eat there one day. hence why in classic saeyoung style, he decided on honey garlic chicken wings. commoner food, as jumin would say. honey garlic chicken wings, honey buddha chips, close enough.

on the contrary, you were in awe at the food selection. as long as you ate a few things off the menu, you could die happy. yet shock consumed you when your eyes glided across to check out the price. it was incredibly expensive. guilt started eating you up by the second.

you couldn’t ask him to get you something, it was simply too much. your conscience wouldn’t let you. unbeknownst to you, saeyoung noticed your sudden distress. he could read you like the back of his hand. “what’s the matter?” he asked.

taken aback, you responded “well.. everythings so expensive.” you had tried to mask your emotions in the moment, but to no avail. you should’ve known better than to think your love wouldn’t have his eyes on you 24/7. 

saeyoung could sense that was the issue. you had always been hesistant about spending other peoples money, however that just made him love you more. attempting to calm your worries, he says “don’t worry about it. you know i get paid well”.

you paused, thinking about his statement. “i know, but you should put that money towards savings. after all your work is illegal” you respond, after giving it a half-assed thought. your eyes peered up to find the love of your life smirking, just before replying “pshh, laws are just words on a paper”.

you had to admit, that was a playful thing for him to say. so far he had succeeded in his plans of lightening the mood, it being confirmed when you returned his reply with a giggle. god he loved hearing that giggle.

calling the waiter over again, you two placed your orders. meaning now you both were participating in the waiting game. in saeyoung’s mind, this was a perfect opportunity. he would have at least 20 minutes to explain everything he had been planning to.

so, he starts to go for it. opening by saying “so, about why i was late earlier.” now he had your full attention as you were dying to hear his reasoning so you could decide whether or not an ass whooping would be an acceptable punishment for this evenings occurrence.

“i had booked an appointment to sign some paperwork, but the appointment got moved 30 minutes. i didn’t have a choice but to leave you waiting. and i was too caught up in the moment to let you know beforehand” he continued, giving you a second to take in his words.

yet your mind began racing with questions. what paperwork? why did he need an appointment? why would he plan it for today? you left no time to waste before you let the questions out, not wanting to waste a single second.

perfect, he thought. you were going along with what he had planned out to happen beforehand. giving you your much deserved answers, he continues “well, i needed to do it today so i could give you a proper surprise. i never want you to be in any unnecessary stress, hence why i did everything in advance.”

he left you hanging for no more than a second. he loved being able to see the face you made while you were practically on the edge of your seat. he also loved the dramatic effect, the one he’d never be able to nail unless he were an experience actor. nevertheless, it was fun to try.

so to finish his statement, he lets the secret free, exclaiming “since we both have an undying love for cats, i’ve decided to adopt one. we pick her up tomorrow” giving a genuine, ever so loving, smile at the end of the long awaited sentence.

focused on your end of the table, his heart nearly exploded seeing your face go from suspense to pure joy. he couldn’t ask for anything more. you had began to let out an excited scream, only to contain yourself once the table next to you started to stare. however that didn’t stop you picking yourself up to meet the red head sitting across from you, smiling like a saint.

pulling him into a hug, you whispered “we’re really adopting a cat?” as your lips stood 2 inches away from his ear. his head pulled back from the embrace for a quick moment, only to confirm your statement with a nod of happiness. 

standing there in pure bliss, fantasizing about your new life with your fur baby, you found yourself nearing crying from the overwhelming announcement. only to be brought back to reality once the waiter arrived with your meals. you pulled away, only slightly embarrassed, to become your feast.

“i’m glad you’re so excited” saeyoung spoke. god was all too good to him, he thought. you smiled, softly replying “thank you”. your eyes glanced up from your newly delivered meal to find your lover looking no different than a child being delivered delicious ice cream.

“shall we begin our meal then, 606?” he proposed. you nod, picking up the utensil placed to your right. creating the passage way for the two of you to continue your night full of bliss, no more, no less.

as you silently decided against an ass whooping as reasonable punishment.

BONUS: *on the way home*

“saeyoung” you begin, feeling the once scorching sun hit your revealed arm. “do you have a picture of our future daughter?” you ask. after receiving a gentle laugh, your eyes are met with your loves phone. once inspecting the picture, you could feel yourself melt on the spot.

“she’s adorable, isn’t she?” saeyoung asked, taking a notice of the way your eyes lit up like stars at midnight. with an aggressive yet playful nod of confirmation, in the next second he could feel the way your body pushed into his side, your arms wrapping around his torso.

“thank you so much” you let out, barely being heard from muffling yourself in your lovers flesh. although you couldn’t see it, you had a sense of saeyoungs current facial expression.

one full of excitement, love, passion, and warmth. he would treat this cat like his child, you were positive of it. and on the plus side, jumin wouldn’t have to worry about saeyoung trying to get a hold of elizabeth now.

in that moment, almost as if he heard your thoughts, he says “we should name her elizabeth the fourth, elly for short!”. there was the silly, child-like man you loved, you thought. 

for the remainder of the late hours, you would be convincing saeyoung not to name her any variation of the name elizabeth the third. you knew for a fact that letting that name slide would result in a lawsuit by the morning. 

elly the fourth did sound cute though... perhaps you should propose keeping it as a nickname for times jumin isn’t present. 

---

3:07 AST - 07/22/21

[imaginesupply]

Homecoming - Chapter Six

(I know it's Henry and not Sy in the photo, but it just fit too well with this chapter.)

Summary: The day has arrived, Captain Syverson is going home. For good, this time. He is going home to a civilian life he can hardly remember and a wife he barely knows, with memories of the war still fresh on his mind. Love might not be able to heal everything on its own, but it’s a good start.

Genres: Romance, drama.

Story warnings: Smut (always fully consensual), mentions of PTSD and nightmares and mental health, angst, hurt and comfort, fluff, mentions of war (minor), mentions of cheating (minor), mentions of pregnancy (very minor), police appearance (very minor), violence (very minor).

Notes:

It’s my first time writing for one of Henry’s characters and I’m unsure I did Sy’s character any justice.

This is a Capt. Syverson x OFC (Ada) story, written in 3rd person POV but OFC’s physical description is very limited so it could also be read as Capt. Syverson x Reader, I think.

English is not my first language, so there might be some mistakes. Proofread, but not beta’ed. We die like men and all that.

Timeline is a little wacky: The movie takes place in 2003 and the U.S. forces were withdrawn from Iraq in 2011, but I never set a precise date because I don’t think it’s essential for this story. However, some elements might not be realistic because if we set this story in 2003: Phone cameras quality was not as good as it’s now, but for the purpose of the chapters, I will need you to imagine you could film great videos with your flip phone haha. Plus, it says Sy is coming back after being deployed for more than three years which makes no sense unless we set this in 2006 or later. I am asking you disregard any time inconsistencies.

Also: I am not American. I only lived in the US for six months and it was in the Midwest, not Texas so please bear with me if I write something stupid.

Finally: This will be a Christmas fic and I intend to post the last chapter (there will be seven in total) on or before Christmas. However, religion is never mentioned in this story and the Christmas-sy elements of this story are limited to family gathering, gift giving and tree decorating.

Chapter Six starts after the cut. (Chapter Five can be found here.) Let me know if you wish to be tagged in the last chapter or if you wish to be removed from the tag list.

I will post a master list soon and put the link in the comments to make it easier to navigate.

Chapter 6

Chapter warnings: Smut, Christmas themes, mentions of therapy, embarrassing moments.

Ada didn't mind being woken up with soft fluttering kisses on her neck. She definitely didn't mind starting the day with the tantalizing rub of his beard on her sensitive skin and the hard press of his torso against her back, their legs entwined and his morning erection nuzzled against her butt.

What she did mind, however, was when any of this happened at the butt crack of dawn. Ada opened her eyes just enough to read 6:50am on the alarm clock.

"Sy," she groaned, stopping his wandering hands with hers, trying to trap them beneath her breasts. "Hold that thought for later, okay?"

She heard him chuckle behind her, his chest vibrating against her body as he freed his hands from her weak grip. "Later is for putting up the Christmas tree and the decorations," he teased, his right hand now drawing circles low on her stomach.

Ada groaned again, wanting to fight his tempting touch but unwilling to move away from his body heat. "I'll get up at 7:30." Those were the last words out of her mouth before she had drifted off again.

When she woke up once more, forty minutes later with the blast of her alarm clock, her back was cold and the smell of breakfast wafted through the air, filling her nostrils. Damn Syverson and his military sleep schedule! She had taken all her days off to spend them with him only to wake up even earlier than when she was working.

With barely open eyes, Ada threw on his shirt that hung on the chair and slowly made her way downstairs, following the scent of pancakes. She found Sy in front of the stove, just finishing up the last one before setting it on the huge pile of pancakes that looked fluffier than clouds. Ada had quickly learnt that while Sy was a disaster when it came to the art of cooking, he was the master of pancakes and barbecue.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," he greeted her and then smirked when he noticed her attire.

"Morning captain," she mumbled, walking up to him before patiently waiting until he leant down so that they could share a kiss. It always made him laugh when she did that: the adorable pout on her face when he didn't bend down for a kiss fast enough was worth waiting the extra second every time.

They ate in relative silence, mostly because Ada definitely wasn't a morning person, but the fact that Sy had a habit of stuffing his mouth full of food also played a role. When she was done eating, Ada pushed her plate and glass away, and brought her knees up to her chest, hugging her legs on the chair. She eyed her husband intently, waiting for him to finish eating with a grin on her lips.

"Why are you looking at me like that, darlin'?" Sy asked, eyebrow raised suspiciously before taking the last sip of his morning coffee.

Ada blushed, suddenly looking bashful. "Well… I was hoping we could go back upstairs and continue what you started earlier," she admitted in a tiny voice.

Sy laughed, a booming sound that filled the entire room before a shit-eating grin spread on his lips. "Tough luck, darlin'." He got up from his chair, standing in front of her across the narrow table. "Should have thought about that before falling asleep on me earlier."

Ada's mouth fell open. The cheek on this man! And what made it worse, was his huge smile that made him look like a very amused bear, with his hairy, tempting chest. He was toying with her. "Are you really saying no to sex?" She asked, cocking her brow. Sy wasn't really the type to turn down-

"Yes, no sex." He stated, suddenly looking very serious. "We have to head to the store to buy decorations, then put up the tree and hang the lights outside." Ada tried her best not to laugh. He sounded as if he were explaining a major, life or death, mission to her – not Christmas preparations. "You’re dismissed but I expect you back here in fifteen minutes, dressed and ready to go." With that, he turned around and started gathering the plates and silverware to put them in the dishwasher.

"Yes, sir."

Ada knew better than to talk back. First, when he had something in mind, it was nearly impossible to talk him out of it. Second, she hoped that the sooner they were done with this, the sooner she could get laid. Third, he had used his Captain voice that somehow always managed to make an obedient little soldier out of her.

Though, rationally, she also didn't want to make it any more difficult for him. He had confessed to her a few nights ago why he'd felt so uneasy when they had gone grocery shopping: the gondolas were too tall which led to lots of blind spots and the amount of people meant he couldn't rely on his hearing sense to detect potential danger. 'It just screams ambush,' he told her.

Ada couldn't quite imagine what he must have experienced that a supermarket or a store would translate into danger, but it was not her place to question him. Instead, she had kissed his forehead in bed and offered to start doing their shopping on her own. Sy had promptly refused, suggesting they simply go early in the mornings, when there were less people and less distracting noises.

Now at Target, she was immensely glad she had gotten out of bed, the sight alone was worth it. It wasn't everyday you'd see Sy pick up a bunch of Christmas tree baubles and inspect each one of them carefully before determining which ones were worthy enough to make it to their living room. Ada sneaked a picture for safekeeping and then decided to send it to his mom as well. Family dinner was fast-approaching, and she'd seize all the cookie points she could get.

"Darlin'," Sy called, catching her attention. He was holding up an inflatable Santa who, instead of carrying gifts, dragged a bag full of liquor bottles and sported a drunk grin on his face. It was tacky beyond words. "Do 'you think we should get this, or will it just upset the neighborhood kids?"

Ada grimaced but tried to disguise it with a smile. She’d die before letting that thing on their lawn. “I think a neighborhood dog would tear it to bits within a second," she lied, trying to appear apologetic.

"Yeah, you're probably right."

°°°

The lights were up. It was a much quicker process with Sy's help. It was also the occasion for Ada to just sit back and relax because he was adamant, she shouldn’t step on a ladder to help. Instead, she had a glass of bourbon waiting for him for when he finished. It was 5pm somewhere after all.

"You said we had a tree!" Sy's deep voice reached her from the basement.

Ada threw her head back, sighing, before hurrying downstairs after him. "Yes, it's in that box over there," she pointed at a white cardboard box behind a couple of spare tires.

"Woman, it's tiny!" Sy complained, picking up the box and setting it down between them. It was about as tall as her. It was not that small.

"It's the one I've used every year since I moved in. It's pretty enough and doesn't take up too much space,” she defended.

In front of her, Sy exhaled loudly through his nostrils before rubbing his beard. She knew that move. It's what he did to remind himself she was not a soldier under his command, but his wife, and that he better measure his words unless he wanted to sleep on the sofa.

"Look, darlin'," he said calmly, enclosing her small hands in his much bigger ones. "This is my first Christmas home with my wife. I refuse to put up a minuscule, fake sapling in my home and call it a Christmas tree."

Ada was slightly taken aback. She didn’t know Christmas was this important to him. Though it was true he had been overseas on Christmas the past two years, so she could understand where he was coming from with wanting this Christmas to matter. Besides, it was endearing when he put it like that.

With a nibble on her lip, Ada gave in. "Okay. They're selling trees in that parking lot by the pharmacy."

Sy slowly shook his head, a mischievous look on his face. "No. We're going to get our own pine tree from the woods."

You gotta be kidding me, she groaned internally.  

°°°

Ada had no idea where they were. It hadn’t been that long of a ride, but there were no more houses or streets to be seen around them, just endless fields and a forest. It was only when Sy took a right turn, that she started spotting cars and what looked to be a very colorful barn which had been converted into a cozy boutique.

“Where are we?” She asked, staring out of the window as Sy looked for a place to park his truck.

“The Dallagher’s ranch,” he replied. “They do a corn maze and a pumpkin patch in the Fall, and in the Winter, you can pick up your own Christmas tree. My dad used to take Claire and I here every year.”

Oh… This was a family tradition. No wonder Sy made such a big deal about having a real tree for Christmas.

Once out of the car, they walked hand in hand through the dirt road until they reached the makeshift counter made of hay where you could get a handcart before heading out into the man-made pine forest and select a Christmas tree. Most people she saw, however, were already returning the handcarts and happily carrying their trees to their parked cars.

The old man by the cash register seemed to recognize Sy instantly, smiling warmly as he greeted him with a one-armed hug. Ada realized it was the ranch’s owner. “I haven’t seen you in years, Jack!” The old man exclaimed with a laugh before turning to Ada. “And who’s this pretty lady?”

“This is Ada, my wife,” Sy said, introducing them. He watched with amusement as Ada stumbled as the old man hugged her without a warning, taking her by surprise.

“Well, it’s great to meet you, Ada,” the man nodded once he had retreated, and then turned back to Sy. “Should I be offended I wasn’t invited to the wedding?” He teased.

Sy was already wrapping his arm around her shoulders, chuckling. “To be honest, Dallagher, there were no guests at the wedding,” he replied, amused at the way the old man frowned in a confused manner at that piece of information. “Actually, we came here to get a tree.”

“Of course!” Dallagher immediately turned and ordered the young boy in overalls to fetch them a handcart. “What size did you have in mind?”

“Something around seven feet,” Sy said, looking pensive as Ada looked up at him suspiciously, trying to figure out how much seven feet converted to in the metric system. Once she’d done the math, she pulled at Sy’s flannel sleeve to protest – that was way too big, it’d take up the whole living room – but the Dallagher’s grandson was already handing them the cart and leading them to the entrance.

“Trees that big are at the very back of the forest, you’ll have to walk a little.”

This turned out to be quite an understatement. Ada felt like they had been walking for literal years. While they had still come across other people at the beginning, mostly families, they were on their own now – that is if you didn’t count the many squirrels that kept appearing out of nowhere.

She stopped, grabbing the back of Sy’s red tartan shirt so he would be forced to pause as well. “Can’t we just take one of these?” Ads suggested, gesturing at the countless trees all around them. They were all pretty enough and considerably taller than her.

Sy huffed, biting his lip in amusement as he looked at her dispirited face. He’d told her she should probably get changed and wear more comfortable shoes before they left home, but she had insisted she wasn’t going to change clothes just to get a goddamn tree. “These are only around six feet, darlin’. And,” he paused, eyeing the trees more closely, “they’re not Nordmann firs. I want a Nordmann.”

Ada sighed defeatedly, but nodded all the same, starting to walk again when Sy took pity on her. “Do you want to sit on the handcart?”

The change on his wife’s face was instant, the frown lifting into a smile as she climbed on the cart and sat down in the middle, evening out her weight for him. “Is that better, darlin?” He asked teasingly.

She turned her head back just to make sure he saw her rolling her eyes.

By the time they reached an area with Nordmann trees that Sy considered nice and big enough, her butt was sore from the conjunction of the hard, wooden surface and the uneven ground. She wasn’t even sure she had made the better call or whether it would have been better to suffer in her new ankle boots instead.

“Which one is better?” Sy asked, pointing at two pine trees that looked virtually identical to her.

Ada shrugged, almost saying that he should choose before realizing how much time that would take. The man wasn’t picky about food, bedlinen or even the pillow he slept with, but apparently, he had to make sure he brought home the most perfect tree. She still couldn’t wrap her head around that. “The left one,” she said finally.

“Which one? Your left or my left?”

Breathing in deeply, she decided to just point at the tree she was talking about. Sy nodded thoughtfully and grabbed the saw he had brought with him and started to work on the tree. While she had been most eager to get this whole thing over with, it became an entirely different story now as she dreamily stared at her husband getting to work.

With most of his back facing her and one knee on the forest’s soft ground as he started sawing off the Nordmann fin, Sy looked absolutely delicious. The red flannel shirt unbuttoned over his white t-shirt and the jeans made him perfect sight with anyone with a lumberjack fantasy. Ada had never considered herself as having such a kink. A uniformed soldier, or even better, a captain? Hell yes. A strong, rugged husband capable of her breaking her in half? Also a big yes. A lumberjack? The thought had never crossed her mind in the past but there was no point in denying it now as she sat back on the wooden cart, watching Sy carefully saw down the giant tree.

She was wet. Horny. Aroused. You name it. It also didn’t help that they hadn’t had sex that day. Yet.

"Sy," she whined, just loud enough to get his attention, while swinging her legs in the air like a child.

"I'm almost done, darlin'," Sy responded, not bothering to turn around to look at her. "I want a nice, clean cut."

Yeah, and she want a nice, dirty fuck. Pouting, she watched him for a couple more seconds as he knelt in front of the base of the tree, deciding from which side he should bring the saw to the trunk next in order to make it even.

That was when Ada decided she was tired of waiting. Shuffling quietly, she slipped off her wet panties from under her dress and rolled them into a small ball before throwing it at her husband. It hit his left shoulder and rolled down his chest. Grinning wickedly, she leaned back on her shoulders and enjoyed the view, the muscles on his back shifting as he picked up the garment off the ground. If this didn't get her laid, nothing else would.

"Ada Metz Syverson," Sy groaned out her full name slowly, his voice even deeper than usual. He got back up on his feet and turned to face her, looking stern.

Suddenly she didn't feel so brave anymore, not when he had crossed the distance to her in two determined strides and went to tower over her small, sitting frame. His jaw was set, and his eyes were a darker shade of blue than usual. Ada moved her eyes down his body, her eyes pausing at the defined pectorals on his chest before sliding lower. He was definitely hard, the bulge on his jeans prominent.

"Just remember you asked for this."

She wanted to ask what this was supposed to be, but he didn’t give her the chance. “Legs,” he ordered, patting his shoulder as he came to stand just inches away from her. Almost unconsciously, she obeyed his order, her ankles coming to rest on the front of his shoulders, her feet framing his neck. “That’s a good girl,” he praised her with a quick kiss to her right calf before his large hands moved to the front of his jeans, just over the protruding tent and began undoing the belt and snap.

From this angle, Sy’s cock looked even bigger, the shiny glans flushed a deep pink. Ada swallowed tightly, her legs already shaking with anticipation and he hadn’t even touched her yet. Pumping his shaft with his right hand, Sy brought his left one to her core, rubbing the rough pad of his thumb over clit once or twice before sliding it between her folds. She was a dripping mess. Sy smirked when she keened eagerly at his touch, enjoying his ministrations until he pulled his hand away and brought it to his mouth, licking off her slick. “It’s good you’re so wet already because I just can’t wait to take you, darlin’.”

He wasn’t lying when he said he couldn’t wait. The next thing he did, was grabbing hold of his throbbing, hard cock and guiding himself into her. Ada moaned loudly at the intrusion, drowning out Sy’s own growl as her walls clenched around his cock, trying to get used to the abruptness and depth of the penetration.

“Fuck, Sy!” She cried out, not even sure what it was she wanted. “Don’t stop,” was all she could muster as he ploughed into her like there was no tomorrow, hitting her pleasure all at once.

He knew they were being too loud. They might be alone, but they were still out in the open air, and yet he just couldn’t find it in himself to care – not when she felt this good around his cock and her noises only heightened his fervor. If someone happened to stumble upon them, then they’d simply be in for a premium show,

It wasn’t long until her legs started shaking almost uncontrollably up in the air, prompting him to remove one hand from his steely grip on her hip and wrap his arms around her legs to keep them steady as he continued with jackhammer thrusts. “Are you going to cum for me, darlin’?” Sy panted, groaning out the question between clenched teeth even though he already knew the answer.

Ada didn’t manage to reply, the first waves of her orgasm already coursing through her when she moaned his name. Her hips canted up, her body tensed up like a bolt, and Sy knew he was done for right then. Her warm walls squeezed him impossibly tight inside of her, milking the cum right out of his cock while he fought to keep his balance as pleasure overtook him.

They came down from their heights slowly, chests heaving. Sy lazily removed her legs from his shoulders, massaging the strained muscles on her inner thighs before he set her legs down. This woman would be the end of him. “That was…” he panted, bending forward over her body to kiss her forehead, unable to find a proper adjective to describe what had just happened.

“Yeah,” Ada breathed out, nodding slowly.

Sy ended up having to carry her and the tree on the cart back to his truck because there was no way she was able to walk straight after that.

°°°

They finished decorating the giant tree. Ada had to admit it looked pretty although the red and gold decorations clashed with the color theme of their living room. She handed Sy the newly purchased baubles one by one – he was the only one capable of reaching the top.

On their way back home, she had somehow managed to convince Sy to stop at the therapist’s office – the one she had found had the highest ratings on Google. They had booked the first available appointment, which was just after the New Year and Sy had made it very clear to their secretary it was just a ‘testing appointment’ and that there was no need to set aside time slots for follow-up sessions yet because there was no guarantee he’d be back. His reluctance was palpable, but Ada was glad he was giving it a try at least. And if he didn’t like, then they’d figure out something else.

In the background, their wedding video kept playing and she wondered for how much longer she'd have to hear the sound of camera flashes as the chapel assistant took way too many photos of them in the most cliché poses you could imagine. Sy has insisted they put on their wedding video since they’d never gotten around to watch it and it fit the season, according to him. Slowly, the annoying sounds began fading away and Ada sighed with relief. Watching herself on TV sparked too much embarrassment in her.

"Hand me the big one with Rudolph, will you, darlin'," Sy asked from behind her, still meticulously decorating the tree.

Ada nodded, searching for the bauble he had in mind. It was still in the shopping bag, she remembered, lifting it off the floor to dig inside it.

Ada froze as a female chuckle was heard, unconsciously gripping the glass ornament too tightly in her hand. "Not that fast, Captain."

Behind her, Sy frowned. "What did you say?"

"Tonight, I'm in charge," she heard her own voice say - no, it was more like a purr.

"Shit!" Ada cursed loudly, letting the bauble fall back inside the bag and she hurried to the TV, her worst fear confirmed.

Sy followed her quickly, stopping just behind her, his hands on her shoulders. "Is that from our wedding night?" He asked slowly, his eyes locked on the screen as he watched his younger self being tied up to the bedposts by his wife.

"Yes," Ada cringed, her face a painful grimace. "I didn't even remember the sex tape."

"Me neither," Sy swallowed loudly, admittedly rapidly becoming aroused at the sight of his Ada doing a striptease on camera. She wore that red ensemble with the garter belt.

"I think the assistant never really ended the video after our wedding, only paused it and we later continued filming in the hotel instead of starting a new video," Ada commented, now understanding what had happened. How they’d even came up with the idea of filming a sex tape on their wedding night, she didn't know. Alcohol had probably played a part in it.

Sy was still staring in awe at the TV, enthralled by the sight of his wife deviously edging him, her hips swaying slowly, when her words slowly registered in his head. "Didn't we send copies of the video to our families?" He stammered, his voice uncharacteristically quiet and hesitant.

Silence fell between them as they both realized they had been dumb enough to send copies before watching it themselves. "Fuck!" Ada barked, seizing the remote to pause the video. "We sent that to my parents, your parents, your sister...," she listed, her face losing all color.

Suddenly, the sound of Sy's deep laughter filled her ears. She turned to him, aghast. How could he find this funny? This was peak cringe! She’d be one needing therapy after this!

"You know, darlin', watching this video was the first time my parents ever saw their daughter-in-law, before even meeting you in person." Sy explained, shaking his head with amusement.

Ada was mortified. No wonder Mr. Syverson had seemed on the verge of laughter the first time they'd met and Helen had given her the side eye. The woman had a USB stick in her home with an hour-long video of Ada fucking her son. "You know, Sy, this wedding video is also the first thing my parents saw of you." He stopped laughing abruptly, his face red, all amusement gone.

They both sat down on the couch next to each other, slowly coming to terms with the fact that pretty much their whole families had seen this, and never said anything, probably keeping it as an inside joke.

Sy broke the silence, his large hand reaching to rub her naked thigh. "You know, I don't think we should be embarrassed," he said, prompting her to stare back up at him, eyebrow raised dubiously. "The way you tied up my arms really enhanced my biceps and you looked adorably hot like a vicious kitten from hell."

°°°

@colourmeinblue​ @hail-horror-queen​ @youthought-iwasa-nicegirl​ @kmuir1​ @madbaddic7ed​ @coffeebreathy​ @purplelove75​ @summersong69​ @helenaellie​ @rn7rocks​ 

[pinky-the-elephant-room]

Cerulean

● AN: Thanks to @succulent-momma​ and @drabbles-blurbs-words​ for editing this for me. A quick note before reading this Japan doesn’t foster in large numbers.  So most orphans or neglected children go to a facility called “Children’s homes”. Also, I wanted to take on the trope of the hero “breaking their lover’s heart to save them” usually it ends up with the said lover being heartbroken for years before the hero finds them again and voila! Everything is fine and dandy after the truth comes out. I really dislike this trope so I wanted to do a prompt to expand more on this.

● Warning: This prompt includes underage sex between two minors, explicit sex, consensual sex, and angst read at your own discretion. For those who are Nana fans I also warn you read cautiously. 

● Young All Might x Fem Reader

●●●●●

Y/N frowned at Nana-neesan; her frown became even more severe at the sight of the taller blonde man.

“What do you want, nee-san? You made it clear that you didn’t want me to interfere with your work when you left me here,” she murmured under her breath while keeping an eye on the blonde that was nervously looking from her older sister to her.

Here being the children’s home for abused and abandoned orphans. Yes, she had a living older sister who could have taken care of her but chose not to due to her dangerous job as a Pro Hero complete with a maniacal evil villain.

Nana sent a sorrowful smile towards her.

“I know you aren’t happy with my decision, but I promise I would rather you be alive here than dead with me. You being alive in front of my eyes means everything to me even if it means that I won’t see you as often.”

Y/N had heard this speech over and over again, she should understand her intentions by now, right? She understands that her older sister spends time-saving the entirety of Japan, but all she wants is to go home and see her family regularly. She wanted to see her infant nephew that was only 3 months old. So, she should understand, but Y/N couldn’t help the bitterness bubbling inside of her.

Nana gestured to the man next to her.

“This is my student and successor, Yagi Toshinori. I want you and him to get along. Think of him as your oni-san. He’ll protect you when I can’t,” she told her. The glint in Nana’s eyes showed the pride and joy she held for her student.

That revelation only made things worse for Y/N. What was nee-san doing now? Picking up strays off the street and replacing her real siblings? Sure, she didn’t have a quirk like nee san’s, but it didn’t mean she was worthless. It didn’t mean she deserved to be abandoned at a children’s home.

Y/N sent a vicious glare to the man well more like boy named Yagi.

“He is not my oni-san. I might live here right now, but I have a family. And I don’t remember my parents having a boy,” Y/N growled out and sent one last look at her sister. She seemed to be pleading with Y/N before a resigned look settled in her eyes.

She stomped over to the caretaker and told her that the visit was over. The official just nodded and politely asked Nana-neesan to leave. She only stared at Y/N for a few more moments before heeding the request and leaving her alone again in the facility. It shouldn’t hurt, after all, she had already been here since she was 15 and now her 16th birthday was only a few months away. And yet, to see her sister’s back as she left again, it tore another piece of her on the inside. The worst thing was Y/N should hate her with every fiber of her being, but she couldn’t. She wanted her family and her sister. Not this stranger who upheld the One for All legacy over the cost of her own blood.

So, Y/N hardened her heart and trudged back to her shared room with another abandoned girl who only smiled in sympathy at her plight.

“Ne Y/N, look I bought some snacks from the nearby convenience store with my allowance. Want some?”

She shook her head at the girl’s earnest look and scooted over to her friend. “I thought you were on a diet.”

Her friend only shrugged and held out a chocolate bar which Y/N took a generous bite out of.

“Trust me, whenever these parents or foster people come to check on us. We need this!”

Y/N didn’t voice her agreement out loud but took another bite of her chocolate as the two lonely girls chatted and comforted each other for the sorrows that were beyond their control.

●●●●●

Unfortunately, that last disastrous visit was not the end of it. It seemed Yagi had taken it upon himself to befriend the lone sister of his teacher. He started showing up at the facility even without nee-san. Y/N didn’t ask him if her sister knew what her student was doing. At first, she refused all visits from him, but he left presents for her. Snacks, chocolate, makeup (haphazardly bought but luxurious nonetheless), and even envelopes with small amounts of spending money. Finally, she got fed up with it and confronted him.

“Do you think I’m cheap and easy that you can buy my affections with all this stuff? I told you I don’t want another sibling, nor do I need one,” she huffed angrily at him. The idiotic man just smiled with jubilation in return to her censure. “Why are you smiling? Do you think making me angry and upset is funny?”

He quickly crossed his hands in an X and shook his head. “No! I’m just happy you’re finally talking to me and I get it. I know that it’s weird for someone to come out of nowhere and act like your brother. But that’s just Shishou’s wish for us to get along.”

Y/N could feel her annoyance build up and replied, “well it’s always been about what she wants isn’t it? Never about what I want or what my wishes are. Did she even think about how I would feel when she brought her student to meet me and ask me to treat you like family when she left me here? No, she didn’t! Just like she didn’t consider how all of this is impacting me. Does she even care?”

The last part ruined her and the lump in her throat caused her voice to break as she voiced out her deepest fears to the guiltless boy in front of her. Yagi stepped in front of her and grabbed both of her shoulders. Y/N let out a gasp when he pulled her close and she could see the depth in his ocean eyes.

“Gomen. I can’t say I know everything that happened between Shishou and you. I can see that her sacrifices have hurt you and nothing I do will ever erase those hurts. I won’t ever replace the family that you had nor the sister you want. But I can be the friend you need.”

His eyes shined brightly with resolve and she wanted to believe him. Y/N was so tired of this past year, everything that could possibly go wrong had gone wrong. Y/N tried to slip out of his strong grasp and separate herself from his expectations.

“Please,” he urged softly.

Y/N looked back into his eyes and felt her trepidation crumble.

“Fine. We can try being friends, but the second you act out of line. You will stop visiting me.” She warned him.

Again, he sent a delighted smile her way and brought her in for a tight hug. Y/N felt her cheeks heat up and tried to push him away from her.

“Thanks! I promise you won’t regret giving me a chance.”

Y/N scoffed and pushed against his strong chest even harder. “I already do,” she murmured to herself as the overly joyful man finally let her go.

●●●●●

Over the next couple of months, Toshinori made good on his promise and she saw him more often than her sister. She saw him after he got accepted into U.A. and he shared his elation with her. She saw him as he failed several times to defeat someone named Gran Torino. She even stayed and listened to him as he babbled on about her nee-san’s ideals of saving people with a smile. They grew closer than she ever thought possible. And so, it wasn’t a surprise that closeness evolved into something else.

“Here you go, Y/N-chan!” he handed over a gift wrapped up nicely. Her 16th birthday had included well wishes from the caretakers within the facility, her roommate, and her too often absent sister. But Toshinori had held off the celebrations until he was able to get a reprieve from U.A. to visit her.

She read the card first, it was a sloppily written card with her name on it. Y/N snickered at the butchered Kanji rather than the expected elegant calligraphy from her sister’s protegee. Finally, she took apart the present. It was a picture of kittens with bows on it. She felt her eyebrows twitch and sent Toshinori a glare. He knew how badly she wanted a pet, but the facility wouldn’t allow it.

She took the frame out and held it up to hit him with it. “You jerk! How could you do this on my birthday!”

“Wait..Wait! It’s not what you think!” he yelled out while avoiding her hits easily.

She huffed and said, “explain now! Before I beat you senseless with this cute frame.”

“Do you remember that kitten you saved from the streets and brought them to the nearest vet? Well, one of those kittens are him and the rest of those kittens have all found homes. They were going to be put down in the shelter due to limited space and because they were FIV positive. However, I’ve spent time and money to ensure that all of them found homes.”

Y/N looked down at the frame and sure enough one of them resembled the orange fluff ball she rescued from a storm drain.

“I know it’s not the pet you wanted. But until you can get one for yourself. I hope this is enough.”

She stared at him unblinkingly and he started getting unnerved with the way she was insistently staring without uttering a word.

“It’s a bad present, isn’t it? I’m sorry I thought it was a good idea and I’ve never bought a gift for a girl before. You know what? You can keep the frame and we can go out for dinner instead. My treat- Mprrh!” His rambling was cut off by her lips capturing Toshinori’s.

He didn’t waste a second, tugging her into his arms, and responding with fervent enthusiasm. He felt so warm, she couldn’t remember the last time someone just held her. First, she had lost her parents. And then her nee-san increasingly disappeared on her heroic crusade until she finally dumped her at this facility. It felt so right in his strong arms and a sigh of content escaped her as his tongue traced her lips as if asking for permission. She granted it and fell into a deeper escape. For the last few months, since she had gotten to know Toshinori, everything felt lighter. And the fact she was forsaken no longer weighed heavily on her being. He was the first good thing to happen that was entirely hers. Y/N’s feelings only grew more severe when she saw the depths he would go for her. But she feared that his kindness was something he shared with everyone or that he only cared for her because of nee-san. But now she could feel his tongue explore her mouth with zeal, tempting her body to respond with needy whimpers. Y/N was sure that her fears were unfounded. They only separated when air became necessary but even then, they stayed engrossed in each other. Toshinori rested his forehead against hers. She was unable to look away when he looked at her with such unrestrained and open adoration.

“Is it .… always like that?” he asked as he gasped for breath.

“I’m not sure,” she admitted, afraid to let him know that he was her first kiss.

He only stared at her with starry eyes and no judgment as he brought her into another kiss and another; until she could no longer spare time as curfew forced her to return.  

The rest of the year was spent with them sneaking out to meet each other whenever it was possible. Her nee-san seemed suspicious at the newfound familiarity between her imouto and student. But at the same time, she was relieved to know there was someone else to look out for Y/N. She never did suspect that the way Toshinori and Y/N were spending time was hardly in a way that normal friends ever attempted.

●●●●●

One particular weekend Y/N found herself at Toshinori’s apartment. He stayed there whenever he wasn’t training or was at U.A. It was a fairly decent apartment. It lacked any personal items only containing the necessity. She waited patiently in the apartment while the blonde went to the restroom. She couldn’t help herself when she went exploring through his space. Opening doors and peeking inside whatever that was unlocked. Y/N always did have a habit of being nosey and a sneak, so she didn’t think twice when she came to Toshi’s room and swung it open. Though, even his bedroom wasn’t much to look at; except he had a nice large bed instead of a futon. She was just about to leave disappointed when she spotted a sparkly gift bag tucked away on a desk.

Now normally going through people’s gifts and precious items was going too far even for her, but that gift bag’s logo was familiar to her. It was the bag of the most famous lingerie brand in Japan. She didn’t buy lingerie for herself, but she did buy regularly their bras and panties whenever necessary. So, the fact that her boyfriend had something from them in his room and she didn’t know about it, well she felt justified to look through said gift bag.

Y/N sifted through the purple wrapping paper and a receipt before coming across a babydoll lingerie. She breathed a sigh of relief when she realized the garment still had its tags on it. Did that mean Toshi bought it for her and had yet to give it to her? She had to admit his taste in lingerie was very tasteful. It was sheer mauve with black trimmings on its edges and with a matching panty. Though the amount of lace on the fabric was kind of surprising, he didn’t seem like the type of guy who would like lace.

“Hey, are you in here?” Toshi yelled out when he came into the room only to let out a strangled gasp when he saw her standing there with the babydoll in hand.

Y/N only raised her eyebrow meaningfully at him.

“It’s not what you think!” he stuttered trying to find an excuse as to why he had that in his room. “Ok. It’s exactly what you think….. I like lace?.... And I thought you would look pretty in it?”

See if she didn’t know Toshinori as well as she did, Y/N would have thought he was lying. But she knew it was the truth; from the way he looked directly in her eyes and the fact that every time they got intimate, he acted angsty. Like he wanted more. She waited for him to ask permission to go further but he never did. Maybe this was his way to suggest it without putting too much pressure on her.

She looked at the soft revealing garment in her hand and his panicked face. Y/N started unzipping her hoody and let it fall to the floor.

His breath hitched and he murmured, “w-what are you doing?”

“Well, you bought it for me, didn’t you? Don’t you think I should try it on?”

Keeping eye contact Y/N unbuttoned her jeans and tugged them off too. She then reached over and pulled off her tank top and added it to the pile. Toshinori on the other hand had his entire face flushed red. His eyes wildly moved from her face to her body as if he didn’t know what to savor first. She reached behind and unbuckled her bra from its hook. She made sure not to look at her boyfriend while she shed her panty. Her last piece of clothing as she didn’t want to lose her nerve. Grabbing the babydoll she pulled it over her head and the slick material slid down her body. It barely covered her butt and her nipples strained against the material.

“So, what do you think?” Y/N asked with a nervous smile.

His nervous composure disappeared, and he confidently strode towards her. He touched her hair and loosened the bun she had pilled her hair in. Her long hair fell in waves and framed her face delicately, he smiled at the sight she made.

“Now it’s perfect. You look beautiful,” he said as he reached down to kiss her.

She didn’t know how they got from standing and kissing softly in the middle of the room and to his bed. Toshinori somewhere along the way had shed all his clothes, settling his hard body against her soft curves. Her first time was everything she imagined, the love in his eyes as she trusted him to take care of her. The horror stories of how much it hurt weren’t true in her case because all she could see was the exquisiteness of the ocean in his eyes. Did he know how expressive they were? They told so many stories from just their azure hues. She had seen them in sadness, fear, and joy. But they never shined with such brilliance until she stared above at him caging her tiny body protectively.

“Toshi.. hnggg~..” she whimpered out as he roughly palmed her breasts over the mauve intimate apparel.

He wouldn’t let her take it off, preferring her in it. Saying he liked the way her body appeared so sinful and tempting while she blushed and squirmed underneath him.

She let out another gasp when his cock slid in with the exact angle she needed, and her body arched accordingly. She spread her thighs more and hooked them around his waist so that he could move in easier without many obstacles. It felt like a warm entity had entered and filled her up just when she needed it. She felt Toshinori’s large hands secure themselves around her waist and lift her entire body. She let out a yelp and then a loud moan when he slammed her back down.

Y/N could vaguely hear his praises amongst his groans, the sounds of the bed slamming against the wall and the obscene wet sounds of their sexes intermingling. He told her how gorgeous she looked and how much he loved her.

She could feel herself spiraling before she lost it again and again. Y/N realized with frustration that Toshi was purposely changing his rhythm and speed.

Once again when her pleasure stopped midway, she let out a sob.

“Please, baby. I c-can’t.”

“Not yet. I promise I’ll give you what you need. Just wait,” Toshinori crooned as he ragdolled her body with his powerful thrusts.

Her short-bitten nails dug into his skin when she felt him lap at her perky cleavage. The thin soaked fabric clung to her body lewdly and it only encouraged his explorations. She grabbed the back of his head and encouraged him to suck the other neglected breast. When she felt him gingerly lick the fabric that covered the taut nub before sucking deeply, she finally lost it. Her muscles started squeezing around his member and the flutters started pulsing. The pulses came faster and faster as he helped her ride it out. 

The base of his cock felt heavy and tight. Toshinori slipped out of her surging cunt and spilled more of her juices onto his bedsheets. Keeping her thighs together, he used her thickness to stimulate himself and spilled his cum. He watched captivated as his sticky fluid ran down her thighs.

 The two lovers drifted off to sleep after their exertion. And when Y/N returned to the Children’s home the next day only to be punished for staying out without permission, she couldn’t help but think it was worth it.

●●●●●

Y/N ran through the hospital at top speed, trying to dodge oncoming patients and nurses. She spotted Toshinori standing next to a curiously short man.

“Toshi! Are you okay? I heard you and nee-san were involved in something big!” Y/N asked in a panic looking over his bruised and bandaged cheeks.

She looked up at him worriedly when he cupped her face gently.

“Y/N, Nana-shishou is… She’s gone.”

It felt like her entire life came to a standstill. “Gone where? Toshi, that’s not a funny joke,” she observed his face looking for any signs that he might be kidding, only to realize he wasn’t.

“No! That can’t be true. Nee-san was strong there’s no way!” There were no tears or anything that might qualify as grief. Instead, she felt anger.

“Of course! She left me here all alone! All for what??! A country that doesn’t even know her name? She’ll be forgotten like the rest of the heroes! Nobody’s going to remember her and what about Kotaro? Did she even for a second think about what would happen to her son?” Her rage growing more incense by each sentence.

“Now listen here, girl! I don’t care if you are family, but I will not let you belittle her sacrifice!” The old man butted in.

“Who the hell are you? And why are you butting in my business?” She snapped at the Oji-san that barely came up to her hips.

The old man lifted his hand like he was about to hit her when Toshinori stepped in.

“Gran Torino, please Y/N’s shocked right now. There’s no need for that.” He grabbed her hand and took her away from the hospital.

They both stood outside as the cloudy weather and humid air swarmed to create a gloomy atmosphere. She sobbed in his embrace as he hugged her close.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault. Shishou was protecting me. If only I was stronger then I could have saved her.”

Y/N could have blamed him, but there was no point because taking it out on her boyfriend would not bring her older sister back. So, she only hugged him tighter as if she was trying to prevent him from leaving her too.

●●●●●

Although, she should have known in hindsight that people who were meant to leave always did regardless of what you wanted. A month after nee-san’s death, Toshinori stuck close. But as timed passed, he no longer could afford to as he had to up his training to fight the villain that caused her last remaining family’s death. He was drifting farther and farther away despite her clinging to him. She felt helpless.

So, imagine her surprise when she saw Toshinori waiting for her at the Children’s home as she returned from school.

“Toshi! You’re here! This is a surprise!” she squealed with happiness and kissed his cheek quickly.

She looked around to see no one in the garden behind the facility and so she pressed her lips against his in haste.

“I’ve missed you so much,” she murmured only for him to relinquish her hold and step back. His action caused her to flinch and her heart to clench. Y/N had a terrible feeling, was someone else dead now too? Was it Kotaro? She only knew that her nephew was given up to adoption.

“Toshi? What’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”

Toshinori only stared at the ground for a few minutes, his bangs hiding his face.

“Y/N, you and I have been together for a year and a couple of months, now right?”

She hummed an affirmative and shuffled closer to him only for Toshi to step back further.

“When I first saw you, I didn’t think we would make it this far. It wasn’t my intention. But we’ve come to care for one another. And I can’t lie to you anymore. I once told you I love you. And you told me the same, even now you look at me with expectations and love. I just can’t do this anymore. It would be wrong of me to lead you on like this.”

The words weighed upon her like someone was compressing her chest. Y/N suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe, her heart racing out of control.

“What are you saying? This doesn’t make sense just a few months ago you were telling me you loved me. Toshi, why are you lying to me? And why won’t you look at me!”

He looked up from the ground to reveal his vulnerable eyes. The same eyes that would showcase how much he cared for her. Now they were filled with fear, only to harden with determination.

“I’m not lying. I did love you months ago. But now that Shishou is gone and I’m left with her legacy. I need space and I need to grow. I don’t need someone who will cling to me and expect me to solve all her problems! You’re suffocating me and I can’t breathe around you. When you needed me months ago, I felt like I could make everything better for you. But now I know the truth that even heroes can’t save everyone-“

She interrupted his tirade with a choked sob and his face twisted with agony.

“Get out,” she whispered.

Just like all those months ago when Nana-neesan left her behind at this lonely place, Y/N hardened her heart once again.

“I said GET OUT! I don’t want to see your face again!” She screamed.

“Y/N, I—” He reached out to her.

“Don’t! I never asked for your help. I never asked for you to come save me. I was fine by myself then and I’m going to be fine now. So, I’m giving you your freedom. Get out, Yagi Toshinori.”

She waited a few minutes for him to leave, only he wasn’t. He kept staring at her with torment.

“Fine, I’ll do you one last favor because in the past we loved and respected each other.” With that, she left him in that back garden only to keep walking until that facility was out of sight.

●●●●●

Y/N realized years later that the people who leave and those who you leave behind don’t really disappear from your life. The experiences and memories she retained left their marks on her like a blueprint. So, she instead decides to fill those spaces with new passions and loves. Y/N graduated from college and eventually went on to become a teacher. She figured that either she could despair about the circumstances she was dumped with or she could turn it into an opportunity. 

While remaining under the custody of the prefecture she was able to get financial help to further her education and make something out of her life. All the while searching for her last kin, Kotaro. There were a few paper trails as to who exactly adopted her nephew, but they lead nowhere; she kept an eye out for any information regarding him.

As she moved on and created a life for herself, he eventually came back to Japan. Bursting into the scene as a top hero, it was hard to see him at first. But even that ache disappeared as his face cropped up on every single piece of merchandise possible. She even reluctantly bought an All Might ramen only because that was her favorite flavor and it happened to be endorsed by him.

But she never did expect to meet him face to face years later.

●●●●●

A villain cackled as the hostages and Y/N waited anxiously for a hero to rescue them. She was just minding her business, trying to deposit her usual check when this unfortunate incident happened. However, she didn’t realize that the more frightening individual was the man coming to rescue them. Not the low tier criminal. All too soon she heard his joy-filled laugh, it uplifted the spirits of those surrounding him and flooded her up with more regret.

‘I should have just stayed home. This could have waited till tomorrow.’ She couldn’t help but think.

When everyone else was rescued, she kept her head down trying to escape before he noticed her. There were like 50 other hostages hopefully they won’t notice. But luck was not on her side as an EMT called her over and began checking for signs of distress. Y/N only scowled with annoyance at the pestering man who seemed to realize she wasn’t too happy and was all too eager to let her go.

Unfortunately for her, she also got stopped by an officer who wanted to take a statement. Regrettably, Y/N couldn’t intimidate the officer into letting her go and with reluctance, she started answering her questions.

“Name, age, and occupation. And what you were doing at the bank?” The officer drawled.

“My name is L/N Y/N and I’m 26 years old. I’m an elementary school teacher and I was going to deposit my recent check when this event happened.”

The officer continued with her bored composure writing down the answers before letting Y/N go with a bow.

She sighed with relief and was about to step away when at the same time she saw All Might turn around after talking to a detective. The two looked across each other through the mayhem and made eye contact. Even from far away, she could see the way his eyes widened, and his jaw dropped in surprise. Her face paled and she quickly took off in any direction trying to avoid the man she hadn’t thought about in years.

Y/N ran for blocks, hightailing it in her heels. The awful shoes pinched and dug into her feet. But when she stopped to see no one pursuing she relaxed and thought that the pain was worth avoiding the awkward past.

Only for All Might to come flying through the city and landing unceremoniously in front of her.

‘This just isn’t my day is it?’ her thoughts spiraled as she longingly eyed the street behind the robust hero.

“Y/N! I’m so glad to see you! I’ve been looking for you, but you disappeared after graduating college,” he began.

“Well, that’s what happens when you don’t want people to find you. Toshinori, why were you looking for me? We aren’t friends and we didn’t end on a good note. There’s no need for happy reunions now are there? Excuse me,” she replied trying to bypass the hero.

He grabbed her hand to prevent her from leaving.

“Wait! That’s what I want to talk about. When I left, I said some horrible things to you and despite everything, I still care about you. I never should have said any of it to you especially knowing what you were going through.”

Y/N paused and listened to his words; she licked her dry lips nervously and wondered if his words held any merit now.

“Back then you lied, didn’t you? You were leaving for America and so you decided to pick up on my nee-san’s bad habit of lying and misleading people to protect them.”

She turned around to face him, the man that broke her heart all those years ago.

“H-how did you know?”

Y/N let out a weak chuckle. “I tracked him down. When we broke up and I eventually lost my pride. I came to find you and convince you to give us another chance. But the Oji-san told me you already left for America. And that’s when I knew you were lying. I suppose you learned from the best. She never told me the truth, you know? I never knew about the burden of One for All and I never knew about All for One. All this time I was kept in the dark and I had all these questions running through my mind. I’m not sure if the answers would have made me happier but I would have eventually understood. And she even took that away from me.”

Y/N finally took a close look at Toshi and noticed all the hard edges to his face. He was more mature, and his body was rippled with muscles. But his eyes were still the same. Those ocean eyes she loved so much.

He looked at her sadly and bowed deeply. “I’m sorry, Y/N. Please forgive me. I just wanted to keep you safe. I lost Shishou and I couldn’t lose you too.”

She felt embarrassed at the reverence Japan’s biggest hero was showing her, a nobody.

“Please, there’s no need for that. I’m not mad anymore. I’m happy for you, Toshi. And I’m happy for your success.”

He straightened up and gave her a wobbly smile that didn’t suit All Might. Y/N decided this emotional reunion was getting too much for her, she stepped around him once more. He once again grabbed her hand to prevent Y/N from leaving.

“Where are you going? We just met after so long.”

Y/N only smiled sadly at him.

“I’m tired of people lying to me and I’m tired of waiting for people to come back.”

He only looked confused and tried desperately to reassure her.

“I’m right here in front of you and I’ve come back.”

She placed her hand on top of his and slowly unraveled his fingers and his tight grip.

“You didn’t come back for me. Go become the symbol of peace like she wanted. I’ll be watching and cheering you on. Safe and sound from afar like you wanted, but just not with you.”

Toshinori was speechless for the first time since he appeared in front of her. His eyes’ shine now seemed a bit duller and suspiciously wet.

Y/N repeated his earlier gesture and bowed deeply to him with respect.

“Thank you so much and goodbye, All Might.”

He didn’t try to stop her that time and let her leave. As Y/N walked down that empty street and looked above to see the crescent moon shining brightly, she couldn’t help but think to herself that she was all grown up now and no longer needed Toshi or nee-san to feel whole.

[dragonturtle2]

Charting Penny's course, on the eve of the V8 finale.

I just realized that one of the lengthiest essays I ever posted online was never copied or cross posted over here to Tumblr.  A huge mistake on my part.  For one, as a big fan of transhumanism, I got a kind of enjoyment mapping out the distinctions Penny Poledina’s series-wide arc, even with the flaws.  Two, I’m actually kind of proud of the predictions I made at the end.  Not because I was correct about one of them; I remarked how I’d LIKE Rooster Teeth to do something, not that they’d actually take the shot.  But some of the stuff I thought of was fun, and I do feel a bit of validation for having my thoughts line up with the actual writers; especially in lieu of how heated other people’s reactions were to something sorrowful and unexpected.  

Tonight I had been responding to a critique I'd found earlier on Tumblr. They had remarked that Penny's conflict in Volumes 2, 7 and 8 were just recycling the question of whether Penny was a real girl. That doing so was just boring as heck, when the question has been answered firmly with Penny becoming the Winter Maiden. I thought the question of “what makes a person a person, and not just a simulated pattern of behaviors with the instinct to survive?” was broad enough to get a few arcs’ worth of visitation.  But I thought just responding with that one lengthy sentence could come off as belittling sarcasm. So tried to offer up an my actual interpretation and clear opinion. I got this monstrosity.

Volume 1 has Penny reaching out to make friends, V2 is finally admitting her robot nature to someone and vocalizing her fears about being a real girl.  Volume 3 dangles the upcoming conflict of her wanting to exercise independent action, step away from the national military organization that bankrolled and housed her, and go to Beacon with her friends.  But that got cut short.

Volume 7 picks up the thread of Penny’s independent actions.  Not just with the ability to disagree with or full-on disobey orders, but her own value system and initiative.  Not only is she asking Winter about how to make decisions in life, she is also silently (and not-so-silently) judging whether Winter is morally right, or even truly happy with her own choices.  When she takes Freya’s hand, she asks something that no one has probably said to Freya in awhile: “Are you OK?”

Volume 8 is focused on the things being taken from her.  Her previous family-unit-facsimile of James, Winter and the Ace Ops have labeled her a traitor and are now hunting her.  Being targeted as the Maiden makes her distance herself from her friends, so they aren’t further harmed .  In doing that, she also leaves behind her previous dedication, protecting Mantle, to launch Amity Tower and assist in the bigger picture of warning the entire planet.  Then in the pursuit of that goal she damages herself, pushes her body to it’s limit, and says goodbye to her father.  

Volume 8 might seem to backpedal, and spend much of the season emphasizing how inhuman Penny is. That’s the point.  After Freya essentially canonizes Penny as human, with her ‘blessing,’ Penny’s new identity (to herself and the audience) is arrested in the most traumatic ways possible.  Her body is peeled back and cut open.  Her schematics are passed around and assessed by characters and factions more than ever.  The hacking is the Atlas military complex literally claiming ownership over her, exploiting the body and code they created alongside Pietro.  (In contrast with the earlier consensual control and teamwork with Pietro, which even then she hardly enjoyed).  How much pain can you inflict on a person until they devolve, or abandon rational thought?  Little wonder Penny ends up begging the team to end her own life.  She’s now taken Winter’s role from Volume 7, her self-esteem having sunken even lower.  “My life doesn’t matter!“

When that ghastly moment was (temporarily) resolved with a quick revelation and Jaune’s Semblance, it was a moment of mixed feelings for me in an episode I otherwise loved.  But I really came around to it afterword.  They have to head to Vault for a permanent fix pretty much immediately, so it doesn’t feel like the writers used Jaune to kick the can down the road until they felt like tackling it.  A very direct benefit is that by pausing Penny’s affliction, Penny gains the ability to actually have a conversation with people, to have scenes beyond just desperately wrestling her.   It also spared us the repeated dialogue of “I must go to the Vault.  I don’t want to!  I must - I don’t! - I MUST- I DON’T!”  Seriously, that routine was wearing thin.  

Whether any fans predicted Jaune’s Semblance being able to help or not, I’m pleased when characters are able to quickly conceive applications of in-universe fictional powers.  This is such a refreshing improvement over how CRWBY previously couldn’t bring Ruby to even ASK about the Silver Eyes that put her in a coma.  

There were missteps along the way.  Ruby really should have reacted more to her friend coming back to life; RT leaning on the Fourth Wall doesn’t fully remove the sting. ("It seems we will have to wait!”)  We also never see any of our protagonists outside of Ruby even react to the revelation of a robotic life form.  When they meet Penny again at V7′s start, apparently ALL of them, even Oscar, were so acquainted with Penny’s story that none of them had any questions for her the entire Volume.  There was no sense of betrayed trust, or trauma from watching one friend be ripped apart by another.  These are disappointments, but not deal breakers.  Now, I want to talk about how post-Ambrosius Penny may fit in with the rest of the story.  Maybe it’s stupid of me to try to get this out by 4 in the morning the day the finale drops, but I’m on a role, and I want to get my ideas out in the open before they’re tainted by hindsight.  Otherwise I won’t feel like even finishing this.  

I’m not going to launch into a tangent with the metaphysical mechanics on whether Penny’s new body would have ‘logically’ been conjured or not.  (For the record I think it works).  I just want to talk about the message the show is conveying, and what they could do with it.  My base assumption is that Cinder is going to get the Winter Maiden power.  It would be great way to coincide with her (GASP) actual character development this volume.  But more importantly, if she doesn’t succeed in her goal, and get an upgrade to compete with our leveled-up protagonists, I can’t see how she can be an interesting or threatening villain going forward.  A few ways this can end for Penny:

Pietro could give up the last bit of his life to bring her back.  He’d probably need to get assistance from Abrosius, since he’s lacking in equipment; he’s a brilliant scientist, so explaining it certainly wouldn’t be an obstacle.  Maybe Penny would be back to being a synthetic, maybe she remains organic.  Either way, it’s a compromise with having a functional villain, while keeping around a fandom darling.  Personally, I think RT needs to evoke the spirit of Volume 3, and make people cry.

Actually killing Penny would be bold and stand-out.  By taking away Penny’s function of a core that can be salvaged (as explained at the start of Volume 7), and having her body get incinerated just like Pyrrha, RT can fully signal “This character is dead, and can’t be resurrected.”  The heart break would be brilliant, with Penny getting to know the joys of an organic body just to be immediately ripped away from life.  This would beautifully parallel with General Ironwood.  James clamped down on human emotion because he thought it would give him the strength to stand against the darkness.  Penny’s friends made her MORE human in a loving act of rescue, but now have to watch as she dies like any other human.  Both characters would be cautionary tales regarding the Atlas Arc’s question of Trust.  To leave yourself open.

Alrighty, now that I’ve gotten to feel like an intellectual by making some proclamations of doom, I want to throw out a tinfoil hat theory that actually combines the two previous versions.  What’s fascinated me for years, and the show hasn’t re-visited, is the nature of Cinder’s parasite.  Can Cinder talk to it?  Will it begin gaining sentience?  What’s relevant to Penny is what exactly this thing DOES.  When it comes to it’s soul-power-absorbing function, we’ve never actually seen it’s full extent.  The process with Amber was interrupted, with half the power just zipping over to Cinder after Amber expired.  With Raven and Penny’s power, Cinder’s arm only got a little taste of them both, since both of their captures were unsuccessful.  What if Cinder’s parasite can absorb more than raw power?  Pinnochio is eventually swallowed by a monstrous beast.  We were all sure it would be The Whale.  But what if it’s Cinder?

I’ll be watching the finale in about 5 hours.  The idea that I could be correct about something that takes everyone else off guard (Penny’s death) has an electric feeling, and I totally understand why people can get hung up on the stories they compose in their head.  But I don’t want to start thinking any of MY ideas HAVE to come true for me to get joy from whatever happens to Penny or Volume 8.  Regardless, reviewing character arcs that preceded wherever we are in the present is always worthwhile.