#the triangle of choice

[hopelessromantic1352]

Chapter 2 - The Triangle of Choice

It only took me like three or four months to finally finish this chapter, but I’m hoping it was worth the wait because this is dirty, naughty, lemony, nsfw-y, and just plain bad. I’m still excited for this series, I’ve just had a major block for quite awhile and haven’t been able to write much of anything. I’m hoping I can continue on with this, my Thomas Hunt series, and the requests/asks I have. Sorry I haven’t been more active!!!

Chapter 1

Warnings: swearing, NSFW, 18+ 🍋

Sorry for any spelling errors! Word count is around 1880

Tags: @cariantha @jerzwriter @tessa-liam @youlookappropriate @alj4890 If you’d like to be added or removed from a taglist, let me know!

As she stands at his doorstep, she trembles with anticipation. Whether it was nerves or excitement, she couldn’t tell. All she knew was this is going to be an unforgettable night.

After ringing the doorbell, it took Tobias only a moment to open the door for her. His cocky grin settles on his lips as he steps aside to let Casey in.

“Hey, stranger.”

She rolls her eyes once again, poking his muscular bicep, “You literally just saw me a few hours ago.” As she toes off her shoes, she narrows her gaze at him, “But I think I get it now.”

He chuckles before he locks his door and turns to her, “What’s that, Valentine?”

“You miss me so much whenever we’re apart, it feels like you haven’t seen me in forever. It all makes sense.” She smirks at his confusion, “You like me. You wanna kiss me.”

He barks out a laugh at her mocking Miss Congeniality and she joins in, doubling over as she begins wiping the corner of her eyes.

As their laughter dies out, he shakes his head. Gently, he grabs her hand and leads her into his kitchen.

The smell of a delicious curry wafts out of the kitchen before she even sets foot in it. Her mouth begins to water and by the time they’re seated at the dining table, her stomach growls loudly. Tobias smirks, setting her plate in front of her before he takes his own seat. He had poured them both a glass of red wine and he takes a generous sip before they both begin to eat.

“Well, how’d I do, Valentine?”

His lighthearted tone holds the usual cockiness Casey began to enjoy and she smiles behind a sip of Cabernet Sauvignon.

“I’d say decent at best.” She laughs at the over dramatic gasp he lets out.

“I’m utterly pained.” He put a hand to his heart, “I may need a doctor.”

Casey simply scoffs and shakes her head, “You’re flat out of luck.”

A few moments of silence pass of eating. The yellow curry fried rice is too delicious for her to abandon for long. But then, Tobias sets his fork down and focuses his full attention on the redhead across from him.

“So… what’s going on with you and Ethan?”

His question makes her nearly drop her fork. Trying to hide any emotion, she props her chin on her hand and raises an eyebrow questionably.

“He’s my boss. And a hard ass.” Casey begins to eat again, trying to act casual. “Why?”

Shrugging and taking a sip of his wine, his eyes meet hers. “Seems like you two are pretty close. I’ve heard rumors.”

Growing agitated, Casey levels a glare on Tobias, setting her fork down loudly before she crosses her arms. “You, of all people, should know hospital gossip is the most unreliable gossip around. Half the hospital wants to get in Ethan’s pants, they’re probably just jealous because I’m the youngest on the diagnostic team.”

He smirks, “That’s the thing, there has never been a rumor like that about Ethan. Like you said, he’s a hard ass, he doesn’t get close to anyone except Naveen and Harper.” He leans forward, lacing his fingers together atop the table. “You can be honest with me, Casey.”

“Really? Right now I don’t feel like I can.” She begins to push back from the table, her chair scraping across the hardwood floors. “Since you won’t believe me, I’m leaving.”

Not waiting for him to respond, she turns, heading for the door, but Tobias hurries up, catching her arm before she can get far and he pulls her body into his.

“Well, I guess if you two aren’t together, I can do this.”

He captures her lips in a searing kiss, but she quickly pushes him off and just when he thinks she’s going to slap him, her eyes drop down to his lips.

“We were, but not anymore.”

With that, his lips are on hers again. Their hands move erratically over their bodies. The heat between them sears hotter, the living room fading away as all focus is held by lust, emotions, and physical touches. Hungering for more, Tobias quickly pulls her shirt over her head, not surprised by the beautiful body hiding under the fabric.

She helps him, pushing her pants down quickly before moving to his own. She unbuckles his belt and unbuttons his pants, pushing his jeans down. Neither wasting a moment to get closer to the other. Both are left in underwear as he picks her up, letting her legs wrap around him as he moves them to the kitchen. He sets her on the counter, pressing his growing desire into her. He feels himself twitch when she moans against his mouth, his hand reaching down to expose his manhood as their lips continue working together.

As his briefs fall, his erection comes into contact with her exposed thigh. The heat and hardness of his smooth skin urges her heart to spike in pure lust. Tobias, with quick, precise hands, quickly undoes her bra and tosses it aside in one fluid motion. It falls haphazardly into his kitchen sink, ignored by the two occupants of the room.

When their kiss breaks, she shudders as his hands begin kneading her full breasts.

“You are so damn gorgeous, Case.” His hot breath washes over her skin as his hoarse whisper is rushed between groans.

A moan fills the walls of his apartment when one of his large hands pushes her thong aside and two fingers slip into her wet core. Her head falls back, red curls cascade down, splaying across his marble countertops as she surrenders herself to him.

“Yes!” Casey moans and writhes against his hand, needing more.

He can’t help but continue to tease her, seeing her need him. Only him.

He growls animalistically at the thought.

“Tell me you need me.”

His hand stops and pulls away from her aching, slick core. His eyes black with desire as his fiery gaze meets her own.

“Oh, fuck, I need you.” Her hips rise in ask, begging for him.

Seeing her like this almost makes him come undone. He needed to feel her. So he presses his tip into her entrance, pausing as he stares into her eyes.

“Only me?” The question comes out as a whisper, Tobias lets it slip without any thought, but as he waits for her answer, he rubs his tip against her pink lips.

The motion grabs her attention, distracting her from the question he’d asked. But the erotic movement stops and lets her think about Ethan.

Was it only Tobias? Or is Ethan still in her heart?

He didn’t wait one more second for her to debate internally. He couldn’t wait another second. She has had him so wound up ever since that day he witnessed her and Aurora in the diner.

As he slides his rock hard member into her slick walls, feeling her clench around him in the most delicious way, he kisses her neck. He bites her soft flesh, leaving a mark he’ll look for tomorrow.

He shouldn’t have asked the question he truly didn’t want the answer to.

So instead of thinking down that path, he started moving his hips. In. Out. Long, hard thrusts that urges her breasts to bounce and her head to fall back once again. Her knuckles are white as the slender fingers grip the edge of the counter and her legs are looped haphazardly around his hips.

She cursed over and over again in her head. He is so deep inside her she can hardly think. She can hardly breathe. His girth stretches her wide and the angle is just perfect for him to hit that spot that sends her over the edge. Not once. Not twice.

Over and over and over and over again.

Casey was sure they’d have to mop up after this, but damn she didn’t care one bit.

Tobias’ cock is just different than Ethan’s. Than anyone she’d been with. Not just that, he’s different. He is fun, lighthearted, full of himself. But he also knows how to care, he’d shown that early on in their friendship. Was it just because he wanted in her pants? No. At least she didn’t think so.

Maybe that was because he felt so fucking good.

“Tobias!” Coming again, she screams his name out as her heels dig into his ass.

This was the first time they’d had sex, but she could tell he was close. His hips began to move faster and harder, a bead of sweat has formed along his brow and his eyes have a lustful fire burning in them. His mouth is on hers as he hurries his thrusts, burying himself deep inside her as she swallows a groan from his lips. The thickness twitches inside her, spilling its hot seed into her core as her hands hold the back of his head, caressing the unfamiliar territory.

“I really hope you’re on the pill, cause I couldn’t stop myself.” His breathless whisper is followed by the cocky smirk telling her he already knew the answer.

They’re doctors. They know how to practice safe…ish sex.

“Duh.” Grinning at the roll of his eyes, she clenches her walls around him as he’s still settled inside her. “Mind if I go clean up?”

The reminder of her tightness around him had him wanting to ravage her again, but he didn’t want to come on too strong. Obviously she still had things to figure out with Ethan. And that thought hurts him.

This might’ve been a one time thing.

As they separate, he watches her gather her clothes, picking up the damp bra from the sink. She shakes her head with a smile, but he can’t return it. Not right now. Allowing her to shower and redress, he had some serious mind searching to do.

Tobias was not a man who got attached. He had flings, one night stands, flames. But a serious relationship? That was not him at all.

Then why did he want a serious relationship with her? What’s so different about her? Is it because of Ethan?

Oh, he could already imagine how pissed Ethan will be if he finds out they did this. Made love? Had sex? Fucked? He didn’t know what it was because he didn’t know what it meant to her. He did know it meant a lot to him, he just didn’t know why.

But his entire brain stops working when she walks back out of the bathroom. One of his dress shirts hangs loosely from her shoulders, only a few buttons close the material, leaving the majority of her body exposed to him. Her red hair is wet, tendrils hanging down the white material and a few drops of water have revealed her naked skin underneath the fabric.

He could talk to her later about where they stand in the whole relationship department. Right now, his other brain reminded him how beautiful she is and how good she felt.

He hadn’t worried about putting his briefs back on, so she could clearly see the effect she had on him and instead of beckoning him to follow, she drops to her knees in the kitchen and Tobias sees stars.

[merlinspussy]

LOKI S2 EP4 SPOILERS‼️

Does Marvel actually know what they’re suggesting here…? Are they aware of the explicit implications of this very shot? Do they know I am losing my mind every week because of shit like this??

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

Fun little game whenever you come across a shallow parody of YA female protagonists: take a tally of the traits she has and see how many apply to Luke Skywalker.

[fuumoksun]

"To the dephts of your heart"

♡ content / warning : jealousy

♡ part of my "To the dephts of your heart" [fanfiction drafts]

♡ Interactive fanfiction : poll at the end

As a representative from the Akademya working on negotiations between the nations of Fontaine and Sumeru, flirting with the Duke of the Meropide Forteress had been a thrilling distraction. The playful banter provided a much-needed break from the weight of your shared duties until a certain Scribe confessed his feelings for you...

"I understand if you need some space to think things through. Even though I tend to be persistent, I'll always respect your decision, no matter what it is."

Al Haitham's words left you in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. Surprise mingled with disbelief as you processed the unexpected turn of events. After years of working around him you knew how cautious he was and he certainly didn't take the maters of love lightly.

Al Haitham had earned your utmost respect, particularly after the Sumeru crisis. The Scribe had left a lasting impact on you, and considering he had visited your dreams more than once, you couldn't deny that you cared about him.

On the other hand, within a few months, Wriothesley had managed to burrow deep into your thoughts, his presence becoming a constant, compelling force within your mind.

"Is this love... or?" You didn't knew what word to put on it anymore.

[...]

Love triangles are just a bunch of book fantasies... Or so you tried to convince yourself as you found yourself seated at a fancy terrace in Fontaine. On your left sat AlHaitham, while Wriothesley occupied the spot on your right.

The arrival of the waiter, bearing your coffee, offered a brief respite from the discomfort. Grateful for the interruption, you thanked him quietly.

The tension in the air was palpable. As the awkward silence stretched on, you couldn't help but mutter to yourself,

"No way... This can't be happening."

"Sugar, honney?" The Duke's voice was almost a whisper, catching you off guard.

"W-what?" You blinked, unsure of what he was getting at, your eyes catching a flicker of a frown on Al Haitham's face.

"Do you..."the Duke asked again, "... prefer sugar or honey in your coffee today?" he punctuated his question with a charming smile, leaning towards you to open the porcelain sugar holder.

Realization dawned, and you flushed with embarrassment, desperately wishing for the traveler to come back so you'd be out of this torture.

"Oh, uh... yeah. S-sugar is fine," you mumbled, turning your face away, as his knee brushed yours under the table. Usually you wouldn't mind his playful gestures and you couldn't blame him for acting like he always had around you, since he didn't know about last night's confession.

Al Haitham glanced up from his book, his gaze cool and collected. "I'm afraid, I have nothing interesting to share right now."

A moment passed before, Al Haitham pulled a book from his pocket, making it abundantly clear that he had no intention of engaging in conversation with either of you.

Wriothesley's eyes shifted back and forth between you and the tall man behind the book, a silent challenge brewing in the air.

He couldn't resist the opportunity to provoke a reaction just to make sure his intuition was right. "Ah, retreating into literature again ? I was looking forward to have some time with you... both."

A smirk tugged at Wriothesley's lips as he leaned back in his chair, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Really? Then tell me more about yourself... I must admit, I'm quite curious since Y/n speaks so highly of you... "

Al Haitham turned a page not sparring his rival a glance, "Well that will give you something to investigate about during your free time." His eyes locked into mine for a second, "It seems you have plenty after all."

"Nevermind then. Digging into peoples lives for personnal interrest is not really my thing..."

If you had any doubts about how much Al Haitham knew about your flirtations with the Duke, they vanished in that moment. It was clear he confessed even thought he knew you spent the last nights at the Forteress.

Accross the table, Wriothesley had the answer he wanted. He sipped his tea, with a bitter sweet satisfaction, retreating into his own thoughts.

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, a feeling of guilt bubbling in your stomach.

[...]

"Al Haitham! Wriothesley! Y/n! We're back!" Paimon's voice reverberated, dispelling your cloud of negative thoughts.

Without another word exchanged the three of you parted ways returning to your duties for the rest of the day.

It was now, you against your thoughts and what seemed to be an impossible decision...

2024 © fuumoksun Do not, copy , translate, plagiarize or post on other plateforms. Thank you.

[kryptid-writes]

A Battle of Fates

Y/n is just a regular girl whose dreams are haunted by the devil each night. When these dreams become a reality and she is forced to face her intertwined fate with Lucifer, her world is turned upside down. She is forcefully given the gift of grace and must learn to live with her new found powers with the help of two hunters and their angel. Will she choose to give into her destiny of loving the devil, or will she choose her own fate with a certain Winchester brother?

This story is 18+

This is a slow burn fic that has two endings which allows the reader to choose Dean or Lucifer. The reader is written as female, but descriptions are kept ambiguous to look like anyone.

Characters/pairings: Lucfier x reader, Dean Winchester x reader, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Crowley.

General warnings for this story: Graphic violence, smut, and swearing. Other warnings may apply to specific chapters.

(Thank you to my editor and bestie, Tommy)

Chapter 1 - Dream a Little Dream of Me

Chapter 2 - A Gift From the Devil

Chapter 3 - Intruders & Trenchcoats

Chapter 4 - A Winchester Welcome

Chapter 5 - The Bearer of Bad News

Chapter 6 - A Lesson in Enochian

Chapter 7 - Secrets Secrets Are No Fun

Chapter 8 - Clipped Wings

Chapter 9 - Cat’s Out

Chapter 10 - Alone Again

Chapter 11 - Desperate Times

Chapter 12 - A Deal With the Devil

Chapter 13 - Revelations 

Chapter 14 - A Battle of Fates

Chapter 15 - Defying Fate (Dean’s Ending)

Chapter 16 - To Eternity (Lucifer’s Ending)

Full Masterlist

[jade-of-mourning]

sorry sometimes i think about mako and my heart hurts so much. this kid raised himself and his brother on the streets in homelessness and utter poverty from eight through fifteen, promptly after seeing the violent death of his mother and father. he turned to the triple threats because they couldn't survive as a pair of wretched kids without any adult support, and the environment forced him to turn into the exact character that killed his parents in a terrible twist of irony. and after sheer-fucking-luck hits and they aren't homeless anymore, their livelihood wavers on the outcome of what's a literally game to everyone but them; and after things are finally starting to look up and their team is going places and things just might be okay, his gradually stabilizing world unceremoniously expands and everything goes to shit.

and the city that chewed him up and spat him back out, ruined him as a child and took away his ability to stay afloat in a true sense of normalcy as an adult — when it's on the verge of destruction and falling to pieces before his eyes, he gives himself to save it with the full expectation to die. he went from the kid who didn't and couldn't care about anything outside of himself and his brother, to finding redemption for his younger self in his police work despite its injustice against him, to willingly sacrificing himself to a world that had never loved him.

he's a desperate people pleaser, socially and emotionally stunted for the adult he had to be as a kid, unable to navigate interpersonal relationships easily yet still trying his damned hardest. he's intensely and entirely devoted to the things that matter to him and for so long it was only him, bolin, and ensuring their survival — yet by the end, that devotion has expanded to protecting the rest of the world. he starts out entirely self-reliant and ends in trusting the people he cares about to know their own needs, to be able to take care of themselves, to be okay without him despite having spent so much of his life defined by his role in others' well-being.

just. what the fuck i'm such a big fan of this fictional guy and i'm unashamed about it at this point. also let him cry please (if you won't i'll do it i'll let him cry)

[ferrisbuellersgender]

Wednesday: *only talks about solving the case, has no interest in having friends, and has never shown any affection to anyone*

Both Tyler and Xavier: Wednesday I can’t believe you were leading me on😠 you kept giving me signals I thought you were so into me😠 we are literally in love why are you rejecting me😠

[veveisveryuncool]

sky full of stars (fairy dancing in your arms)

[lactosegremlin]

finally did up the right toe of my cons

(after procrastinating F O R E V E R)

edit: clearly i can’t tell left from right. fight me.

[hopelessromantic1352]

Welp… I’ve done it. I’ve fallen into the Tobias hole and there’s not much hope for me. He’s just too dang fun to write. I have no idea how or where this series is gonna go, all I know is there will be angst, I’m guessing smut (time to hide) and definitely fluff. Do I know how this series ends or what will happen along the way? Absolutely not. Go me 🤦🏼‍♀️. Anywho, I present to y’all, The Triangle of Choice.

Warnings: light swearing

Word count: 1,289

Ethan x Casey x Tobias tags: @cariantha @jerzwriter @binny1985

Ethan tags: @perriewinklenerdie @shelivesinthewoods @silversparrow1112 @miss-indecisive-says @alj4890 @naffeesaa @hija-del-universo @usuallyamazinglyaverage @heyabby102 @lilyoffandoms @cordoniaqueensworld @carreraleigh @ethanplaysfavorites @amillionmoonsred @claudevonstrukesblog @princess-geek @lapisreviewsstuff @aworldoffandoms @paisleylovergirl @llamasgrl @blainehellyes @flyawayboo @timmagicktoad-blog @sparklinglilac @whenyourheartskipsabeat @desmaranj @triple-shadow0

Let me know if anyone wants to be added or removed from my taglists 💗

Disclaimer: Pixelberry owns these character and the book I derived this story from.

****

Edenbrook seemed even more crowded than the last time she was here.

Maybe that’s because it was just you and Rafael on that floor.

Shuddering, Casey pushes that all to the back of her mind. Even though they lost Danny and Bobby, Raf is thriving in physical therapy and she is ready to get back to work. As she approaches the nurses desk, Ethan stands there, berating an intern.

“So you thought you could take a break?” He waves the patient’s folder in front of the young doctor. “You were gone for well over an hour! You can not shirk your duties or your patients.”

Although she was grateful it wasn’t Esme, she couldn’t help but feel bad for the young woman as she slinks down the hall in tears. Forgetting the pity for her, Casey turns to Maureen behind the desk.

“Morning, could I get my caseload, please?”

The older nurse nods and throws a sympathetic glance towards the doctor, but Casey ignores it. Her feelings from everything that happened have to be kept at bay. And that includes ignoring every pitied look or words.

“Rookie… I didn’t know you were coming back today.” Ethan levels his gaze towards her, his eyes showing the only emotion he felt.

Grief.

Casey takes her charts from Maureen, smiling at her before focusing on the list of patients she has while she responds to Ethan cooly. “Yeah well, if you would’ve reached out maybe you’d know.”

He lowers his voice, nearing her subtly, “Casey, I—“

“Save it.” She looks up, meeting his crystal blue eyes defiantly, “Even Tobias reached out, hell, he came over and helped my roommates with dinner multiple nights.”

Satisfied with the surprise and jealousy in the depths of his eyes, she smirks and begins walking down the hall. If he wasn’t going to show he cared, she wasn’t going to sit around and wait for him anymore. If she learned anything from almost dying, it was to live life to its fullest. And that meant not wasting her time on a man who couldn’t make up his mind.

Throughout the day, she’s enjoyed being reunited with her friends and helping patients. Surprisingly, no page for the diagnostics team has come, so she decides to head to the cafeteria for lunch. Gathering a tray filled with a small Cobb salad, a cup of broccoli cheddar soup, and some pomegranate arils. She takes a sip of water while she searches for an empty table. Finding one off to the side of the cafeteria, she settles in and her stomach grumbles at the sight. After the poison attacked her, it took awhile for her appetite to return. But seeing the spread in front of her, it reminded her of the lack of food she had after the attack.

Tucking into the soup first, the warmth slides down her throat and she closes her eyes momentarily, but they open slowly when someone sits across from her.

“Miss me?”

Not able to hold in her spreading smile, Casey rolls her eyes at Tobias Carrick’s smug smirk.

“You were literally at our apartment last night.” She takes another spoonful of soup and then points it towards him. “What are you doing over here anyway? Won’t Ethan toss you out if he sees you?”

Chuckling while he watches her red curls flounce off her shoulders, he winks. “Believe me, Valentine, if I was afraid of Ethan Ramsey, I never would’ve helped save your life.”

She scoffs, “Please, you only helped save me to stroke your own ego.”

After she finishes her soup, he takes the empty cup and spoon, walking over to a nearby trash can and tosses it in. Some Edenbrook staff glare at Tobias donning the Mass Kenmore patch on his white coat, but he lets their gazes roll right off his back. When he sits back down, she raises an eyebrow at him.

“You know I can still walk, right? I mean I almost died, I’m not dead yet.”

It was his turn to roll his eyes, but he smiles good naturedly. “Can’t I help a gal out? Besides, I like showing off my coat.”

To emphasize his point, he puffs his chest out and brushes his logo off like it’s collected dust.

Her laugh draws more attention to them, but neither pay much attention. Tobias grins at her while she begins to eat her salad. Watching as she chews and swallows, his eyes drag over her lips and he licks his own as his Adam’s apple bobs slightly. When he looks up, her cheeks wear a pink blush and he clears his throat, looking away.

“I think your friends found you.” He stands up and smiles down at the redhead, squeezing her shoulder. “I’ll see you around, Valentine.”

The gentle gesture earns him a small smile, but before she can respond her friends join her table. Tobias strides out, ignoring the whispers and dirty looks.

“Casey!”

Sienna slides into the table next to her best friend and starts to speak rapidly about everything that’s happened around the hospital since she was on leave. When it neared the end of lunch for them all, Casey stands and stretches. Catching a glimpse of Ethan nearby, she gives hurried goodbyes to her friends and heads for the hallway. Hoping to not be spotted fails and she grimaces when Ethan catches up to her easily.

“Casey, we need to talk.” His voice is level and professional, holding its usual edge that she used to find endearing.

“Can it wait? I’m headed to check on a patient.”

Her clipped tone pisses him off and he pulls her into a supply closet when no one is around. He presses her back into the door, pinning her there as he looms over her. She looks up at him, eyes wide at the sapphires blazing with anger.

“I’ve had just about enough of your attitude, Valentine. You won’t even give me a chance to tell you my side of the story.”

A moment of silence passes as they glare at each other, finally she throws her hand in the air, snarling at him. “Fine. Then say what you want to say.”

“I am sorry.” He relishes the surprise on her face before he continues. “This is difficult for me because I care so much about you, but I don’t want to lose you or hurt you. When I-I thought I might lose you, it made me think if I push you away it would be easier.”

“Well you were pretty damn close to me when I asked you to stay with me that night. But Tobias was the only one who came and checked on me at home.”

She watches as his eyes narrow into slits, his jaw clenching. Is that jealousy? A triumphant smile spreads across her lips. It is.

“Well then, if Tobias is so great, by all means, have fun.” Ethan steps back and adjusts his tie before he reaches around Casey, opening the door.

Shocked, she stands in the open supply closet, trying to decipher what just happened. Was he finally going to admit his feelings? Did she just blow it by throwing Tobias in his face?

She groans and smacks her forehead. Men.

On a whim, she pulls her phone out and sends a message to the last person she texted. Tobias.

“Hey Tobias, are you free tonight?”

“For you? Definitely.”

“Perfect. Dinner?”

“Be at my place, 8.”

After he sends his address, she sags against the wall, her heartbeat quickening. She leans out the doorway, easily spotting Ethan down the hall and her throat tightens when he turns his head back towards her. His gaze is cold. Not even like her first day. It’s like he’s a stranger.

“I can’t wait to see you.”

[unladyboss]

JUST CARMY, JUST SYDNEY, JUST RICHIE BEING BEAUTIFUL

SYDCARMY AND SYDRICHIE

CARMY Berzatto

Sydney Adamu

Richie Jerimovich

[chirpsythismorning]

This is a continuation in exploring why I think Mike's character regression over the seasons can be explained in part by guilt, which he has yet to confront

Original post

Now we're onto s2, which jumps us ahead in the timeline a bit.

Mike has been calling out to El on the walkie for approx. 252 days now, under what he views as the false hope she might actually be alive. This is mostly based on the fact that Mike thought he saw El outside of his house a few hours after she 'died' (he did see her, bc she was there...) and so a part of him does think there's a chance. And yet this is also isn't something Mike seems to be comfortable talking about the others with.

Which brings us to the crazy together scene. Although this scene has a lot going on, there's one aspect of it in particular that I want to focus on, as it's the driving force for what is going to be discussed, which is that Halloween night was also the last night Mike called El, aka day 353.

I just want to preface what follows, with the fact that I do not personally think Mike giving up calling El, as a concept on its own, means that he couldn't possibly love El romantically or something. It's not even about that idea from an audience perspective. And this is because any average person, in reality, mourning someones' death, should not be calling out to that person for almost a year. Letting go doesn't make you a bad person, whether it was romantic, platonic or even familial. It's called healing and accepting what is and trying to move on and live your life.

Neither does Mike giving up after that night make him heartless or a bad character in my opinion. It literally just makes him human. But that also doesn't mean that's how Mike feels about it, nor does it mean that the manifestation of this guilt isn't going to affect his behavior over the course of the series, causing some very unfortunate choices on Mike's part to then lead to some very unfortunate events for everyone...

Where it starts to get sort of complex is that I think the whole point of the crazy together scene and where it ended up was to for it to showcase how Mike and Will were both willing to accept each other, despite these secrets they've been keeping to themselves.

Will revealed the truth to Mike about how he could still see into the UD, with the addition of seeing this big 'shadow in the sky', followed by asking Mike to not tell the others because they wouldn't understand. Mike then responds by saying El would understand, followed by confiding his own secret to Will that he's been keeping from the others, which is that he thinks he's seen signs that El could still be alive.

The scene then ends with them in agreement that if they're both going crazy, they'll go crazy together, with it arguably being their most incriminatingly romantic moment to date, as it juxtaposes other uncannily similar romantic mentions on the show involving that same word.

But no matter what happens, they're promising to support each other, specifically the weird shit they have going on and could presumably continue to explore that weirdness, without telling anyone else who might judge them for it or misunderstand their feelings entirely...

This is why Mike had no problem with Will going crazy in s2 because as promised, he was going to be right there with him. Also meaning, Mike COULD have had no problem continuing to test out his theory that El was alive, because Will would have supported him.

Obviously, Will sort of had his hands tied in s2 (literally?), but the point still stands. It's not like this was something Mike HAD to give up, because that conversation between him and Will instilled that they would support each other and what makes them feel crazy.

I think the issue though, is that what's causing Mike so much grief daily for almost a year now, is the guilt that came with El's death and him feeling responsible. And so, in contrast to Will's slightly more justified assumptions that what he's seeing could actually be real based on what's happened to him, it's like Mike is asking himself whether he's actually seeing El because she's still alive OR is he just imagining she's still alive because he wants to forgive himself?

A kid deducing that in their head would make them feel pretty awful, don't you think? Maybe even lead them to calling out to that person for almost a year in hopes that they might still be alive?

Meaning Mike choosing that night to walk away, to give up, is likely a result of his conversation with Will making him feel more comfortable with finally letting go of some of that guilt in order to actually start the process of moving on. Because a big part of why he didn't want to move on was because of guilt in the first place.

Also confiding in Will and only Will, not the others, who were hell bent on interpreting all of Mike's feelings for El as romantic, was maybe Mike's way of avoiding the pressure to associate his whole relationship with El as strictly romantic. With Will, maybe Mike knew he wasn't going to spin it into something like that. And he would’ve been right, because Will didn't.

October 30th, Halloween Night (Day 353 - Last call)

You cannot tell me that day 353 isn't framed as the last call. Like Mike is literally walking away dramatically, leaving El alone, with her now just a tiny dot surrounded by darkness. The way it's framed leaves the viewer genuinely feeling heartbroken because there's some very evident finality to what is being presented. And we even see that El feels it too, hence the episode cutting off dramatically with her tear filled eyes.

And so why did Mike choose THIS moment to give up? Why did he choose now to put his 353 day streak to rest? Like, that was impressive as hell. He could have easily kept that going, but instead he decided that this was going to be the last time he was going to try calling out to her...

November 1st (Day 354)

El is still pretty bummed that Hopper came home late last night, but I'm guessing she's even more bummed still processing what might have very well been Mike finally giving up that night too.

Although I don't think El would blame Mike for giving up, still, she too throughout all of this had been building up hope herself. El's been clinging onto the bond she made with Mike, specifically the romantic moments, to the point where she has been watching shows with romantic themes, putting herself in the position of the love interest.

So him not giving up, to El, has been a signal that what they are feeling between each other is very deep and... romantic. Him keeping this going this long is a sign to her that these feelings are pretty much guaranteed. And if he doesn't continue, that hope would obviously dwindle.

At breakfast that morning, Hopper acknowledges the TV cord peaking out of El's room, which is the device she uses to visit Mike from the void, all the way from the cabin. Without it, she is not able to 'communicate' with him, let alone see if he actually didn't give up after that night she feared he did...

Unfortunately her and Hopper have an argument after this, leading to her storming off to her room. And after Hopper is gone, El finds herself being so impatient to see Mike after almost a year of waiting, that she decides to take fate into her own hands. She isn't willing to wait until the evening, which is roughly speaking the usual time Mike uses the walkie to call her every night. She needs to see him now.

And lucky(?) for her, she does!

Finally! A SIGN! After almost a year of no signs that El is alive, since the night she went missing, Mike is getting a sign El is alive!

And he runs after it! He goes to check to confirm his (valid) suspicions, only for her to not be there, with Mike looking disappointed, but also kind of like he's accepted it's a lost cause at this point.

Mike's hope that El is alive and okay and the relief that would come with finally letting go of this massive weight of guilt, is not within reach. He just needs to accept it and let it go. He needs to forgive himself and move on.

On top of all of this, Will is experiencing his own version of crazy. And Mike seems more concerned with focusing on this and supporting Will, than holding onto this hope that El is alive.

So even though Mike just got a sign that El is alive (which parallels to the initial evidence of her being alive outside his house, what literally initiated him to call out to her for almost a year), he doesn't revert back to his approach of not giving up. He sticks by his decision.

The irony of what happens with El the same night that Mike doesn't call, for the first time, is not lost on me...

Tragically, El doesn't know Mike actually gave up (just like she feared he did) because she lost her ability to communicate with him that night.

I wonder how differently things would have played out if she new the truth. Would she have held onto this really romanticized idea of her and Mike's relationship because he never gave up? Or would she have maybe reassured Mike that it was okay that he gave up and moved past it and still hoped and tried to make it work? Honestly, I think the later.

Because again, it's not Mike giving up that makes him a bad person or something that refutes his ability to love her romantically, it just means that it's not true that he never gave up.

And Mike being the only person to know this fact... Um... Cannot be good for him.

October 2nd (Day 355)

As El is trying to revive a modicum of hope that she can see Mike again through the void, to confirm her hopes that he didn't give up, by using the TV like she usually does, she discovers that the cord is broken. It's a lost cause.

On the other side of town, Mike is entirely focused on Will. The previous night, he did not reach out to El. He gave up. And El is none the wiser.

The writers made the choice to have one more night that Mike could have called El because he was at home that night on day 354, a day that actually involved an incident that you'd think would have reignited his hope that she was alive, before he inevitably jumped head first into focusing on Will, with him not being home for the rest of the season. They could have shown us Mike calling out to El from the other side of town, and then cut to her in her room not knowing... And yet, they didn't...

This is where I jump to the end, because the focus primarily when it comes to El and Mike's arcs for the rest of the season are with El trying to find her mom and discover more about herself, while Mike is trying to be there for Will in any way he can.

The sad part is that despite Mike giving up and trying to move on from El's death, that guilt is never really going to go away. He gave El expectations that she had to risk her life to find Will, and all of that built up and inadvertently led to her death.

But maybe Mike can right the wrongs he had El endure by following through on his focus of not letting Will die too? Maybe if Mike can save Will, El wouldn't have died for nothing?

But with this guilt and Mike trying to overcorrect it all, he's also experiencing very real and emotional moments with Will. Will is his best friend, and just a year ago Mike risked everything to get him back. A lot of those moments he experienced with El in s1, moments mixed with romantic expectations, are now also lingering here with him and his friend in s2. Except these aren't forced expectations. Everything Mike’s feeling and doing the entire time comes naturally to him, with none of it requiring pushing or advice from those around him. It's just pure instinct.

In the end, Mike's beside Joyce and Jonathan, who are sharing memories they have with Will to him in hopes it will prove to them he's still in there and able to be saved.

This emotional sequence builds up to Mike using his own memory of Will to try to reach him, one that comes off as platonic in every sense of the word, but visually, and when looked at in the grand scheme of things, especially with what is about to follow and those romantic expectations with El soon being thrust back on him... Well... Shit is about to get real messy.

Upon reuniting with El, Mike was quick to want to tell her that he never gave up, only for her to interrupt him with the exact number of days he called (before he gave up).

This is news to Mike for an abundance of reasons. It means he's not crazy and that El actually was alive those two times he saw her. All this (survivors) guilt that's been building up over the last year could have been avoided if he'd known that she didn't die, that she was okay.

It also means that for some reason, El heard him, and yet she doesn't know that he gave up...

And here Hopper is, revealing that he's been hiding her the whole time aka the perfect person for Mike to take all of this pent-up emotion out on.

Hopper then tells Mike that they will discuss this privately, which I find to be very interesting because it offers a chance for the viewer to see just a glimpse into Mike's emotional state at this moment, without everyone around to affect his ability to truly open up about how he's feeling. And not alone just anywhere in the house, but in Will's room...

Mike is understandably upset because El is alive and Hopper knew this whole time and didn't tell him.

While Hopper didn't technically lie to Mike, at least not in canon because we never got an outright scene on-screen of Mike asking Hopper if El was alive with him denying it (all while knowing she was), it's at the very least a lie of omission...

But the thing is, if Hopper not clueing Mike in on El being alive qualifies as a lie of omission (off-screen), so does Mike not telling El he gave up (on-screen).

If anything Mike's lie of omission also qualifies as a plain old lie, because he outright told El he didn't give up (lied) and didn't correct her when she informed him she knew he didn't. She fully believed it, despite him knowing deep down that it wasn't the full truth.

So while Mike is taking all of his anger out on Hopper as this fighting match comes to a head, it takes a turn.

Hopper is fine with Mike blaming him, he says it's 'okay'. But it's not. Nothing about this is okay to Mike, seeing as this isn't even the whole problem. It's not the problem Mike's actually hiding within his outburst in the first place.

Suddenly Mike starts screaming to Hopper that he's a 'disgusting, lying, piece of shit', chanting LIAR over and over and over again, shoving him repeatedly, only for him to fall into Hopper's arms and start crying, with Hopper reassuring him that he's okay.

Something tells me Mike's emotions here aren't all about Hopper...

Something tells me that Mike's fixation with the word liar doesn't apply to Hopper here as much as it applies to Mike himself (in his eyes)...

The main reason why I think this is what's actually going on here, is because there was no reason to put so much emphasize on this concept of Mike literally walking away that last time he called her.

Why go through the trouble of creating this misunderstanding, by having the TV not work, with El not being able to go into the void to see Mike, THE very night he gave up, if to not plant the seed that this misunderstanding was going to bear some significance? That this misunderstanding (lie? lie of omission?) was going to lead to El assuming Mike didn't give up, all while Mike knows he gave up, but going along with the story that he didn't, for both El's sake and his own?

BECAUSE it's a surprise tool that will help us later!

I also think it's interesting that they decided to have Will go off and dance with a girl at the snowball BEFORE Mike decided to devote himself to El here on out. Like... that is quite the choice after a season of highlighting this bond between Will and Mike where they promise to go crazy together, which is a moment we know Will took romantically.... So, is it possible Mike also took it romantically? We know Will also took Mike's speech to him in the shed romantically, so is it possible Mike did too, with that experience only heightening his emotions and confusion over his feelings for El when he found out she was alive shortly after, leading to his outburst? But then Will is going and dancing with the girl, and here we have Mike's own version of falling behind (the Time After Time lyrics were more literal than you think).

What if they didn't do all of that? Would things have maybe panned out slightly differently if Mike wasn't under the (incorrect) assumption that Will didn't take those moments romantically?

While Mike's guilt might have started in s1, when he played the biggest role in pushing expectations onto El to help them find Will, only for her to 'die', it doesn't end there. Mike's guilt only builds when he holds the knowledge that he did give up hoping she could be alive, all while allowing El to believe the opposite based on what she saw, which was a guiding force for not only her love and dedication to him flourishing, but also for him to then shift his own version of expectations onto himself going forward to make it up to El by trying to be who she wants him to be.

We see how romanticized 353 days is interpreted exclusively as meaning Mike has to be in love with El. But he did give up. So what does that mean for all of this? For their picture perfect love story?

What does it mean for Mike to hold onto this truth, a truth that makes him feel immense guilt, only for him to spend the next year or so making it up to her...?

It means either Mike has to come clean, or he has to deflect and double down.

What option do you think a guilt-ridden, repressed homosexual kid in the 80's is going to choose?

Answer? Deflect and double down.

In s3, Mike is so focused on worrying about El (giving her what he thinks she wants) so he can right all the building up of wrongs he has done at her expense since he met her, and as a result loses Will in the process (where have we heard this before...?)

Instead of Mike having a moment in s3 where he acknowledges that he himself was the first to ever refer to El as a weapon in the first place, to try to save Will in s1, he's now turning around and blaming the others for using El as a weapon 'for no reason'...

No reason? Really Mike? Is it for no reason, or is it just not a good enough reason to you this time?

Or maybe has Mike just actually spent enough time with El now to truly feel a bond with her in order to see her as a full person, slightly outside of this imaginary superhero he's cooked her up to be when he met her that day in the woods, the day his life started because she was his first and only hope of finding Will? (I say slightly bc... I mean we all saw what happened in s4?)

I honestly think it's a mix of both...

I also think it's not a coincidence that Mike doubling down instead of facing the truth about this manifestation of guilt only makes things worse for him. And El. And Will.

Because suddenly he's choosing this moment to blurt out that he loves and can't lose her again, in front of everyone, even to his own dismay and shock. And when El walks in and gives him a chance to say it to her himself, like any person whose in love with someone would want to do, to make them feel loved, he looks terrified.

And when the season ends and Mike is given another chance to say it finally, to El directly, in roughly the exact same spot he had his emotional outburst in the previous season over finding out she was alive at the same time he was still grappling with losing Will again, IN WILL'S ROOM, he freezes. He just lets what happens, happen.

Because after everything, with El right now in front of him, telling him she loves him while being fully convinced he loves her too after everything they've went through, how could he possibly take it back, or try to make her understand his complicated feelings about all of this?

Answer? He can't.

As hard as it is to believe (not that hard honestly based on his track record), Mike's deflection and stalling era is just beginning...

[goldrushenthusiast]

I could talk about how if you’re team Gale or team Peeta and your views on each character & their relations to Katniss show who YOU are, and how YOUR view of a character can be very telling forever, but I don’t think y’all are ready for that conversation yet lol

[scopophobia-polaris]

Honestly could we throw out the idea that totk's story issue is that it isn't consistent with the lore of the older games but instead drops intresting world building from botw because it might have gotten actually dark

[kryptid-writes]

Chapter 1 - Dream a Little Dream of Me

Y/N has nightmares of a winged man haunting her dreams. When her dreams become reality, her world changes completely.

(1.3k)

The sound of wings rustling, knife slashing, and faded screams echo all around. The stink of metallic blood and rotting corpses burning my nose. I’m choking on the thick air, and it feels like my chest is caving in as my breathing gets shallower by the second. There's blood everywhere. My eyes widen as my gaze falls on the mangled corpses upon the forest floor, each one twisted and bent in ways that shouldn’t be possible. Rays of moonlight pours through the trees, dancing across their mangled remains like some twisted classical painting.

I sink to the damp forest floor. There’s no escape.

In the blink of an eye, a large ominous figure towers over my shaking form. His short dirty blonde hair and strong hands are covered in fresh blood splatter and pieces of sliced flesh. His striking eyes glow a dark red, reflecting the color of blood painting every surface. But what I truly could not take my eyes off of is his large white wings that block out the view of everything around it. His intimidating wingspan wraps around us like a dark feathery blanket, reminiscent of a night sky with no stars.

        “I promise I will never let anyone hurt you, never let anyone come between us,” he says in a surprisingly soft voice. He flashes me a smile that’s intended to be comforting, but it comes out sick and twisted. He pulls me close and wraps his muscular arms around me, a low buzzing feeling humming between the two of us.

I can hear his heart beating in his chest, slow and steady, far too calm for a man that just slaughtered a dozen people with ease.

------------------------------------------------------------

        I bolt up out of bed, nearly falling off completely, but I catch myself at the last second. A cold sweat clings to my skin and the worn-out sheets, my breath coming in heavy and ragged. It’s not the first time I’ve dreamed of the winged man, in fact it seems to be the only consistent thing in my hectic life as of lately, but waking from the dreams never seems to get easier, always a struggle to shake the sinking feeling.

It takes a few moments to remember where I am, the crappy motel room I rented for the night, not so different from the countless other run-down motels I’ve stayed in across the Midwest, all with the same stingy smell.

Obnoxious yellow floral wallpaper lines the wall, caked with dirt and God knows what else that’s been accumulating for years. Ceilings spotted with black mold and blotchy water stains. An outdated box television plays the local infomercial about some miracle cleaning product, but it all sounds muffled and far away. The digital alarm clock on the bed stand reads 2:00 AM flashing in big red bulky numbers.

        Just a dream, I remind myself with a relieved sigh. I swing my feet out of bed, throwing on some jeans and my signature leather jacket, scuffed and torn in various places. I need some air. Just need to get out of here.

I recall the rundown bar I drove by just down the street. It’s a good way to kill some time. Plus, I could really use a drink right now. The bitter taste of alcohol is the only relief I get from these nightmares that torment me at night and haunt me during the day.

The cold air bites at my skin, but it’s surprisingly pleasant, grounding me back into reality and away from the painful dreams. It's the twelfth dream I’ve had this month and they only seem to be getting more intense, more real. They always end with the same winged figure. The same demonic, yet charming smile. No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to shake that haunting face.

        Entering the bar, it’s nearly empty with a few patrons here and there. Most of them are older men wearing bulky leather jackets, a bit rough around the edges, perhaps a local biker gang. Some of them playing pool, others chatting about their glory days over a bottle of beer. The sound of the jukebox in the corner playing the best of eighties rock drowns out their conversations. It's apparent there’s not much of a buzz going on, unlike most bars at this hour.

The voices and music around me fades to background noise, it feels as if the rest of the world has disappeared, that I'm the only one left on this miserable planet.

I slide into a worn bar stool that’s certainly seen better days, taking off my worn leather jacket and placing it on the sticky wooden bar. I sigh and halfheartedly raise my hand to get the bartender's attention.

“What can I get you, hun?” A nice older lady asks, shining a glass behind the bar.

“Just a whiskey please. Jack Daniels if you got it,” I give her a weak smile, trying to blink the tiredness out of my eyes.

She nods and pours me a generous amount of light amber whiskey in a fancy glass, sliding it over to me.

I take a swig, the warm liquid slides down my throat with a pleasant burn, already giving me a sense of calm. These days, whiskey has been my best friend and I’m okay with that. People just disappoint you.

“Make it two.” A large figure takes the seat next to me.

My body stiffens. I recognize that voice from somewhere. I slowly turn to face him and see him staring back at me with those intense red eyes and intimidating wings that I’ve come to know all too well. My stomach drops. It's the man from my dreams. I freeze, my body going into fight or flight mode. In a matter of seconds, I decided to take my chances running. I leave my drink and jacket behind, making a beeline to the door, slamming it closed behind me, giving me any sort of advantage to get away.

He doesn’t follow, but that doesn’t stop me. I run and run and run until I physically can't anymore.

The streetlamps and apartment buildings around me turn into a blur and my head starts to feel dizzy. The world spins around me, clouding my vision. The cold air feels like it's burning my lungs as I struggle to gather oxygen. My legs feel like jello, ready to give out any second. I’ve lost track of how long I've been running, maybe minutes? Maybe hours? Everything in me is begging myself to keep running but I physically can’t force myself go on any further.

I tuck myself into an alley, leaning against the ragged brick wall that painfully digs into my back, yet it barely registers in my brain. My heart feels like it’s pounding out of my chest. I close my eyes and try to catch my breath.

God, please let this be another bad dream.

“I was going to pay for your drink, and you just ditch me like that? Rude.” The man scoffs.

My eyes shoot open to see the man from my dreams less than a foot away, arms crossed, looking nonchalant as ever. My blood turns cold.

How is that possible? He couldn't possibly have run that fast!

A knot twists in my stomach. Deep down I know. This man is not human, and he certainly does not have good intentions.

“L-leave me alone!” I try to sound brave, but my words come out a sloppy stutter. I hold my arm out in front of me, as if that will deter him in any way. Stupid. This intimidation tactic is clearly not working.

“Oh, don't be so dramatic Y/N.” He rolls his eyes, then presses a gentle finger to my forehead.

The world goes black.

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[aria-ashryver]

Immortal Desires Update - Choices Insiders Dec 2023

*whispering* What if Cas x Gabe enemies to lovers hmm?? what then????? 👀👀👀

Also, more vampire lore in ID2!!! Hell yeah I'm so hyped for that!! Feb can't come soon enough tbh