#the universe looks me in the eye and says 'gender and sexuality are both fluid' and tthen makes me go oohg women

[blooscreen]

wwomen . girls . 🥺💖 . starting to think i may be . more than just a faggot . at times

[sugar-petals]

SuperM as Subs

↪ A/N. UGH these guys have me fucking spiraling. very excited to bring you this, please indulge 👀

○ warnings ⚠️ 18+, dom/sub, kinks galore, gender-neutral dom!reader

3.5k words | bullet points | this is all over the place there is so much to say i—

⌈ ten

— motto: kitten has ‘ten’ in it, but so does intense.

wowza honey

best choke out you’ll find

the stamina, too, oh lord. ten can handle a lightning fast riding without blowing up in two minutes

all while you choke him

with a waist harness on and ankles bound

bondage looks so good on him; he’s flexible and enduring. imagine a hogtie... art. 

such a beautiful man.

literally, rope marks, imagine that

we need to talk about his pain threshold as well there

things that have other guys screaming are a mere tickle to him

i can’t emphasize enough how lucky you’ll be. this fella does not have to be trained much. experience? abundant. talent? more than vast. he knows precisely how far he can go with what kind of kink. that is invaluable.

and now, the most mind-blowing part. stress: he encourages you to take it all out on him. in his mind, that’s an extra treat and a promise he gets it raw how he loves it. 

your satisfaction is his fuel, as is seeing you unwind. 

the whole progression from heavy beginnings to breathless ends

the boy needs you to go, for the lack of a better word, buck-wild

so yes, ten is your number one (pun intended) address for all things messy. he asks you to hatefuck him, you spoil him with it.

the sheer masochism of him

are you kidding me

listen i’m not a fan of the sin concept but in this case... you can sin all you want with him

tl;dr: angry sex is his thing. strong emotions. guts will be rearranged.

about the elephant in the room: yeah, this guy can bust some extraterrestrial, dazzling, sexy as hell moves

that means one thing. contortionism. you can bend him into every position you desire and fuck him like that. he’s petite but don’t worry. your babe’s strong

in fact, you can sit on his face and get one ferocious rimming daily

things will get wet wetter wettest

surprise surprise vice versa he likes his own ass filled with plugs and vibrators

the type that buzzes him into a delirium while you slap him. with his neck turning red and those pretty almond eyes going wide. 

they do hold the universe. he’s just so enthralling.

btw. talking about toys. having a fleshlight ready to make him moan and ruin his orgasm is a veeery good idea.

chances are you will draw cute english or thai interjections from him

in return, you can call him your prince and kiss him all over for aftercare. he’s no different, thinking of you as someone figuratively and literally noble to him. he’s thankful you fulfill his greatest sexual dreams. it’s true, you’ll really worship each other.

he’ll do his little mona lisa smile and doze off in your lap...

sub!ten is just priceless okay

10/10

i need a moment

⌈ kai

— motto: local strip club found bankrupt.

oh mY GOD nini

he knows how it’s done

did he go to sub school or something

you’ll find him at the stove around 6:30 AM in his apron

making you breakfast pretty much butt naked otherwise

flustered and sexy butler kim right at your service

looking very sculpted

dancing a little, as usual, he’s getting into it

in other words, you’re sure to get those eggs fried well

now, besides his skimpy clothing and waiter allure

kai as a submissive is almost definite to be an epitome of organization. he’s just good at it. period. lube and protection are always in the house.

you do your part doing maintenance for toys and cracking the occasional whip but really i mean... as the great oh sehun once said... never don’t mind about a thing when jongin gets the chance to put something in order

so lean back — kai is a service sub. he’s the type who wants to break a sweat for you

and have that very visible because he doesn’t own clothes anyway. well, well.

something more about organization

fucking according to a schedule sounds about right

you have it all planned out with a special calendar book just for that purpose

but don’t believe he’ll be boring and hyper-structured beyond that

kai is the precise opposite of dull as a lover but that’s a huge duh

he has both the acute sense of bashful romance and strong erotic feelings that come with a regular eyebrow wiggle

he likes to provoke the wild animal in his partner

reckless abandon

kai is 100% guaranteed to make you let out the beast. he enjoys feeling you go all out and grip him, pin him. everything hands-on is good.

grinding and gyrating is always part of sex. hell, even floating and flying. fuck gravity.

you need a certain level of dexterity. and hey if you don’t, you will pick it up from him in a solid minute

what i’m trying to say is that it won’t happen that the two of you rub against each other in the sheets like two blocks of wood (even when going into aftercare!). it will be fluid, ever-moving, energetic right and left with the mattress creaking all over the damn place

sex with jongin is one thing for sure: fucking fast. he won’t mess up his tempo if you know what i mean. the two of you will be thrusting and moaning until complete fatigue sets in

he whines a lot i’m telling you

it’s the surefire way to know kai is into it, being genuinely vocal is one of his best qualities as a sub

besides handling any rough pace 

this guy will have you sneaking into his gym room and have a quickie on the next best workout bench

and lord knows what else. 

the bathroom is another destination. wet!kai, the yearning romeo, is an image you won’t forget

prepare to get your hands on all of that

he’s gonna melt right into ya

and that is sub!kai for you

⌈ taeyong

— motto: vanilla? hardly heard of her.

to use an nct pun: the options are— limitless.

and another: you’re signed up for a... long flight.

and you’re gonna be the: boss

who gives it to him

and i’m warning you

he’s shy about it but

taeyong is simply insatiable. take his kinky reputation at face value.

what doesn’t he do

the softest softcore (feathers to tease him) to the hardest hardcore (edge play, hallelujah), the whole spectrum without any efforts for transitions

so you guessed it, a normal bedroom really won’t do.

neither does a standard dom

but since you’re knee deep into taeyong — go figure, you’re reading this — news flash you likely aren’t one

plug in all of your toys and cameras for date night. he needs his good dose of lube-dripping fantasy, homemade with a bunch of latex thrown into the mix

yeah i know that will escalate quickly

he wears it well i’m telling you

and also greatly enjoys you donning it for friday evening

it will frustrate him to the max which is a sight to see indeed

no other sub in super m gets harder boners over latex. that’s how it is. he’s just so drawn to the material and how much authority it gives you in particular

noona/oppa kink incarnate

hell, even daddy/mommy

he calls you that when you are forehead to forehead and catching your breath

because man these orgasms are going to get you so high, bodies gently intertwined

and very, very drenched

not just skin-wise

so let me underline this

your dear taeyong, no matter how innocently he can blink at you, gets his daily nutrient intake from cum. 

what fancy-schmancy protein shake is he interested in other than yours like literally none

put him on a leash together with baekhyun and you have two salivating, ultra dirty boys

so ready to please and swallow everything up

taeyong is a handsome handful

you’ll be horny 24/7

or 23/7 maybe because aftercare

where we revert back to adorable yong. he clings to you a lot, you nuzzle him all the time, the affection is off the charts

he’s pouty and sweet, smiling to himself

holding him tight gives him a big sense of security. 

safe to say he wants everybody to know he belongs to you in terms of PDA, too

it’s not restricted to domestic intimacy and sexual aftermath

taeyong truly has the perfect ratio of freaky and soft

god worked hard on him

⌈ lucas

— motto: when bigger is better, things get wetter...

ready for take off are we 

yukhei is one flirty crackhead you’ll love it

teasing will go back and forth

there might even be play fights and wrestling involved. messing around on sofas and carpets, you know the deal. things won’t get too rowdy, he’s being his 6′ baby self and you don’t want to use your whole bag of tricks yet vice versa

lucas eventually lets you win anyways

and acts like he’s lethally injured ffs

he’s an aquarius don’t come for him they roll that way

in comes the patient-doctor roleplay. yep that’s how the story goes

and you sure as hell get to take care of um

luke’s big lightsaber

alright

it’s throbbing a bit too much and needs medicine

so think of yourself as a jedi master training your disciple.

read: edging the living soul out of him. 

rough handjobs are just perfect

as is going on a rodeo trip getting the guy to tame those bucking hips with a lil punishment here and there. and with punishment i mean tickling even when he is close to orgasm

uh-oh

wong yukhei is a cutie pie but he has just about a bucket of cum for you spilling all over the place

he might get a lil embarrassed about it, that’s the sweetest thing

cleaning it up will be his greatest pleasure

so

ready for subby lucas yet?

he’s juicy

so what else do we have... 

(besides that he sounds like harry styles is dubbing him and that voice is going to turn you on so hard)

if his dominant doesn’t have an ounce of a muscle and biting kink that’s, how to put it, a missed opportunity

just licking him and leaving marks everywhere just has to be the biggest feast in history. you have him parade around sleeveless just to see the hickeys on his arms. 

and you don’t have to be frugal. it has to scream mine mine mine. yes, xuxi has some arm sensitivity going on. he needs your mouth on him doing chaotic stuff that leaves his jaw hanging open. to the point of you eating your brunch off his chest and shoulders.

there i said it 

breakfast with yukhei is cancelled. it’s breakfast on yukhei

as for positions: things are usually more chill and standard. just how much missionary will there be, you’ll lose count. he’s good at it. lucas has the condensed passion of ten people, it will be more arousing than you’d think. it’s also a good pause to your usual activities, you both get a chance to um take a breath

if he feels cocky, wong brathei likes to lift you up during sex and here we go again with a staring contest... which ends with a bright smile and kissing 

what did you expect

always remember this one thing. in his big himbo brain only one thought floats around and that. is. his. love. for. you.

a whipped boy

he’s irreplaceable.

patient xuxi reports speedy recovery

⌈ mark

— motto: good boys go to heaven after debuting a couple times more

sirs and sirettes, mark lee.

what did you think the “m” in super m stands for? mario, man, massive, market, model?

nope

SuperMark is what keeps the planet spinning

now here it goes

let’s get one assumption out of the way first

you’d think he fucks how he talks but you’ll be surprised

everything’s slow slow slow

the pace is very casual for someone who raps and thinks that fast

mark is just too friggin’ cute

a blushy cupcake

innocent and always curious what you’re up to

just perfect for all sorts of gentle dominance

you can reassure him when he gets nervous which happens every now and then

and put him into soft sweaters and blankets when he feels cold

maybe even building a pillow fort and just caressing him ad nauseam literally for minutes on end.

tousling his hair would be adorable beyond belief

the same goes for giving him cheesy pet names

or feeding him sweets

you can bet chocolate is his favorite. 

but it’s not just all about pampering him

keen how he is you can expect a lot of gestures of attention from mark, like carefully selected presents and foot massages

there’s a real gentleman at your hands.

a gentlemark

he might have come up with that himself 

you bet there will be lots of humor involved mark just can’t do serious sex

his intellect is yeahhh... superhuman

as much as his heart is squishy for you.

it’s hard out there. this world is tough

but mark is a safe haven to return to and have wholesome hours in bed with

30% sex, 70% aftercare.

you think that’s impossible? look into his puppy eyes and tell me all you’ll do won’t be spooning

it’s an art form and mark is just too inviting not to do a brush stroke on the canvas. 

and after you’re done spooning things are back to more caressing

a smooch left, a smooch right

for the 30% he might need a bit of outside support because his inner perfectionist compels him

so he’ll text johnny at 4:30 in the morning with urgent questions

because his mind is racing and he promised to wake you up with a set of spicy stuff

sex veteran johnny will calmly explain it to mark but also keep it short and simple

because man how early can someone text you 

and mark appreciates a crisp how-to that he won’t forget

even when you are chest to chest feeling each other’s breath and his brain almost shuts down

at the end of the day...

you say hey canada lemme get my hands on those big thighs of yours and ding ding his pants are off. he responds so easily to guidance

and his dancing skill always helps to get groovy with you

so

bust down markiana

you’re that bitch and you know it

⌈ baekhyun

— motto: you and me, relax and ch...oking

leader on the streets 

screamer in the sheets

even the most peace-loving, noise-sensitive neighbors are going to dig the things that come out of his mouth as caused by you

just how good are his lungs

imagine him making audios for you. yes, god is real.

you just hit the lotto

the things his mouth can do 

byun baekhyun is a synonym of oral fixation when will merriam webster admit it

if there’s one person in super m who can nail the picture perfect drooling ahegao face without hesitation it’s him

he will pleasure you with his tongue so vigorously

that level of spit blowing will haunt you

and the slurpi—

THE NOISES. we can’t talk about the noises. nope, nope. the noises are not meant to be described to this world. 

you’ll suffer from incurable lust once you picture it

you know what his voice can cause

that would trigger a mass hysteria

anyway. moving on. 

baeks is the type to appreciate a mix of cheek-on-cheek cuddling and getting his brains banged out

you can toss him around, grab him by the hair, fuck him absolutely stupid

while also kissing his forehead and playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. as if he doesn’t want you enough already this will have baekhyun needy for so long

he’s the king of slutty behavior

and making both of you crack up with mid-sex jokes about who knows what, suho’s butt mole or something

he’s just too hilarious. on the other hand he likes being creative and concentrated

in his free time you’ll probably find him reading erotic stories, sketching sexy stuff (i.e., well, you) in a journal, or even a manual to the kamasutra. it gets him all hot and bothered to the point where he can’t stop being chatty about it.

baekhyun’s arousal always first manifests as a wave of words or texts 

your part of the equation is distilling the essence of said texts and getting to work on that perky body of his

and praise him plenty. baekhyun loves a lot of verbal affirmations and you’re glad to shower him with it.

kink-wise: he really has a gazillion ideas to try

costumes, gags, whips, pet play, sounding, collars, semi-clothed sex, cock rings, suspensions, you name it

as the cherry on top, a three- and fourway could be part of your routine for sure. 

that being said he might have a few dicks in him physically or mechanically because geez bacon loves fucking machines and dildos

he is 100% ready to embark on one hell of an anal odyssey

how much he can stretch out you can probably guess. and he’ll make jokes about it either way to turn you on

you’ll be certain to exhaust and stuff your lil’ darling to the brim but i’m telling you what you already know

he’s gonna be the happiest ahegao boy in the world

and throw peace signs when you take pictures of him fucked out

that’s byunbaek for you. one of a kind

a subby gem

⌈ taemin

— motto: 500 points to slytherin! 

this is what you’ve been waiting for i know I KNOW

red carpets out for the sensual sub king and nation’s p.r.e.t.t.y. boy

the international bombshell blonde

a bdsm luminary

DEITY

now, listen. 

some erotic feats are truly hard to execute

but there is always one guy who’s the exception 

and his name is lee taemin

no matter how unrealistic or complex your imagination of sex with him is

with this man, most of it can become real

effortlessly

because he’s a) an open-minded lover b) rich enough to rent ten dungeons — per hour and c) closest to perfection we as a human race have ever come 

taemin is a pro at bringing all kinds of your and his fantasies to life. that’s why it’s important that you sit down to talk about how your intimate encounters could look like every other week

primarily, as far as his taste is concerned

we’ve all heard about his tales of creepypasta romance

literally he’s been an idol for so long and still comes up with new baffling ideal type stories

so according to those

he wants to be run over by you and thinks that’s hot,,, but i say... we stick to flipping him over... like on a bed,,, no car involved

this pal is macabre you have to be an embodiment of the law to rein him in

police roleplay much. arrest this provocateur!

furthermore and on a lighter note

besides being jailed

lo and behold, chained up and decked out in lace, draped on a lip-shaped art sofa is how he feels the most in his element

add a mask and a corset 

just how glamorous is he

this guy has mastered all techniques of drawing you in with the most elaborate seduction. 

tremendous!

including dance: for your eyes only. 

prepare to have your loins set on fire.

because within the 4 walls of your home his every move will be pure danger loaded with sexuality. it would be even more of a public menace than he already is when performed in front of a crowd

keep those handcuffs ready officer

because it is your mission to stop that guy 

the more restraints the better

put five harnesses on him i don’t care as long as it contains him

and once that’s done

taemin likes to be stimulated and teased with you running silk fabric all over his body

he also enjoys you creating artistic pin-up-esque photography of him

with sultry eyes and puckered lips

and no worries. taemin will put his plump lips to good use elsewhere, too. all. over. the. place. servicing his dominant is an honor.

and those moans will be like a melody.

the literal only weak spot he has

is to kiss and tell. taemin gets carried away in conversation and feels pride when the topic switches to you. so... if you lick his earlobe and call him your slave, jongin knows the very next day and finds it very entertaining. 

taemin won’t deliberately spill the beans in a group chat but one-on-one with a close friend? he’s too excited not to talk about your chemistry and lets some juicy details slip if he can’t control himself.

taemin requires a dom/me who’s definitely not insecure and wants others to know who’s boss.

on the flipside, if you enjoy voyeurism? he is your man. it’s a matter of perspective entirely.

so to speak — even his weakness is a strength.

that’s all you need to understand about him

in sum: you got yourself quite an ace 

taem will press your number and you’ll have no sorrow in the world.

we truly are blessed by his existence

peace out

© submissive-bangtan 2017-2019. all rights reserved. do not repost.

[flirting-with-psychology]

100 good questions to ask your friends at 4:02 am when you can’t sleep (can also function as an asks list)

Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance? Maybe just a little bit

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known? I mourn for the college experience I didn’t quite manage to have, and for the utopian life from the end of The Good Place that is impossible to get in real life

Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? Hopefully

Do you place any value in gender roles? Anyone can do whatever they want but I do associate some things with gender

Do you have to be related to be family? I don’t consider non-relatives my family

Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones? I have always put a lot of weight on romantic relationships

Are you in love? Do you want to be? Not quite but I want to be

Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation? I can put it into categories

Would you be happy with a life without romance? No

Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody? Yes, probably Captain and Candy Cane

Would you change your appearance if you could? Yes, but not surgically

Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.? I feel like I could have had a different life experience if I was born a decade or two sooner

Do you believe in reincarnation? No but I wish I did, there are definitely things I want a second chance at

Would you want to be reincarnated? Yes

Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both? I would like to be special but probably not

Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem? Yes, they are interesting and can often lead to real-life scenarios

Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? I did when I was a kid. I still like to make up characters but I don’t consider them imaginary friends

Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? I am not religious, and I think it is most likely that there is no god or spiritual force

If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? I don’t really wish I were but sometimes I can understand the desire to believe your life will have a guaranteed happy ending

Do you want a grand adventure? Yes

Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different? Yes

How long does it take you to fall in love with somebody?Is the sensation of ‘falling in love’ or ‘being in love’ better? I’m not sure where exactly like turns into love, and I have never experienced being in love in a relationship

Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both? It would have to be about more than just convenience

Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality? I have not really questioned it much. I am a cis girl and I am happy being a girl, but I think if I were born a boy I would probably be happy being a boy too. I am mostly straight but maybe just a little bit bi, although I don’t think I would have romantic feelings for a girl

How fluid is your concept of gender and sexuality? Not too fluid but idk

What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far? Probably where to go to college

Are you afraid of growing old? Yes

Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century? I think I would get tired and lonely living forever, but a few centuries would give me enough time to try things

Do you believe in some form of god/s? No

Are your choices fated or of your own free will? Free will

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die? Lately I’ve been fearing dying of covid, but hopefully not

Do you believe in star signs? No

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult? Legally 18, socially probably like 30

Was your childhood happy? I think so

What are you missing from your life? A passion

Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? Not any more so than regular friends

Do opposites attract? Not really

Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago? No, even if you take out the pandemic I still thought I would be doing something interesting with my career

Do you know what you want out of life? No

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’? I guess if they help people? I would not necessarily say I am a very good person but I think I am more good than bad

What fundamentally matters do you? Love and fun

Is freewill an illusion? Not spiritually, but maybe capitalistically

Do you create art? How do you define art? I make jewelry and other crafts, and videos. Art is stuff that is there to be entertaining or beautiful, rather than just utilitarian

How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful? I rarely lie and I usually disapprove of lying but in some cases it can be ok

Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for? Something I create

Is true world peace ever possible? Idk. Not looking like it

Do you have to suffer to truly understand the human condition? What is the human condition? How can you really experience it? Who the fuck knows. Everyone experiences things differently, even if you suffer the same thing

Are you free? Will you ever be? Can anyone be truly free? I am legally free but not free of capitalism

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yes

What do you expect from a friend or partner? Someone with a sense of humor who is easy to talk to, and romantic for a partner

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person? No idea

Do you justify all your beliefs or have you just inherited/absorbed some? I’m sure I have abosrbed some

Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? Idk maybe still supporting Harry Potter even though I don’t agree with JK Rowling’s anti-trans beliefs

Can human really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time? No

Is a conscious what makes someone a person? Probably

What do you think about artificial intelligence? It’s kinda cool but I don’t understand how it works

Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing? Yes but it’s not a bad thing

Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity? I doubt it

What do you think the next era of music will be like? Who knows, I barely even listen to this era

What do you think the next era of fashion will be like? Masks will be incorporated into it

Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them? It’s hard to say

Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them? No, and I probably wouldn’t

How confident are you, really? Not very

How consistent is your perception of time? Not very

What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote? 18 is probably a good age, I think it’s hard to make an informed decision as a kid. I know I would either want whoever my parents wanted or whoever was more attractive

How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’? Probably not a good idea in general

What’s the worse thing a person can be? A murderer

How do you feel about monogamy? I would like to have it

Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else? Probably

What’s the tragedy of your life? Losing all my potential

Would your life make a good play? No it would be hella boring

Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time? No

Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? I feel some loyalty I guess because it’s home, but I would not fight

Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect? I believe in equal opportunities but not forcing people to act a certain way

Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent? I think as a society we need to take care of people and probably set up government resources to do so, but the specific people who do that should be the ones who feel fulfilled by it

Do you crave approval and/or praise? Yes

Is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy? Idk

Are you ever going to be satisfied? I hope so but knowing me, probably not

When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy? Music that conveys my emotions

Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time? Most of the time I just shuffle it but I do have some playlists

Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)? Probably not

Are you a deep person? Eh

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it? Not unless there was already an established society on mars with opportunities for entertainment and community interaction

Are you who people think you are? Not really. I think I am more extroverted than people think (even though I’m really an ambivert), and a lot of people think I should do sales or customer service which I hate even though I’m ok at them

Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion? I might be happier if I was a boy, but only if I was an outgoing boy. And I might be happier if I was in one of those happier-on-average countries

What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it? My toxic traits are stubbornnes, procrastination, and lack of motivation, which are by nature extremely hard to work on

Do you anger easily? Maybe a little but I also let go of it easily

Are you a jealous person? Yes

If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality? I assume not

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it? Maybe

Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate? No. I hate Mitch McConnell

Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn? I only speak a little french and italian, I am not fluent. I dream in English. I might want to learn Gaelic

Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them? Sometimes I draw meaning

How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately? Probably desperately lol

Is unrequited love real love? I think so

Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? Idk

Are you overly analytical? Yes

Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation? Occasionally

Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious? No, but I wish it was real

What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in? That I’ll end up with an interesting or exceptional life. Idk if I firmly believe it but I would like to believe it, because the alternative is depressing

[jaehyunspeachparty]

daddy jaehyun

iii.xvii. (m)

"Is that you?" Eunbi held out her smartphone and showed you an article from a Korean celebrity magazine. She was a fellow student and you hadn't talked to her very much yet. She was always nice and polite and you once exchanged transcripts. She was very young, maybe 20 years old, like your little sister Mia. "Uhm yes." It was an article about Jaehyun on Return of the Superman and a picture of you was also posted. You try to read about it for a moment, but Eunbi is too excited about it. "Oh my god, I can't believe it. I was wondering all the time why you got a Korean last name. I've always been a fan of NCT. Ahhh Jaehyun and Haechan are ... were .. are my bias." She didn't quite know how to express herself so as not to look disrespectful. "To be honest, I was a little bit sad when I found out that Jaehyun had married you. But ... wow ...you look so beautiful!" She talked and talked and could hardly breathe with excitement. You had never experienced anything like this before. "Hey Eunbi, could you maybe not tell anyone? Almost nobody in the university knows that and I would love it if it stays that way. Can it remain our secret?" At some point it had to come out anyway, but you wanted to have your privacy for as long as possible. "Yes, of course, I promise. I swear!!!!" She smiled and put her books on the table. "Thanks, that's really important to me." You smile kindly and turn a little to her. "I just can't believe it. I'm studying with Miga and Sunoh's mother. I love Return of the Superman. They're both so cute." Now she sat next to you and you found it all very exciting, because you never met someone like that yourself. It was always Jaehyun who gets the reaction. You have deliberately moved away from the media, especially since your miscarriage. "Thank you, yes they are both angels." The thought of your children made your heart warm. "Jaehyun seems to be such a good dad. I'm looking forward to a new episode of Return of the Superman coming out tomorrow." She was delighted, but at that moment Matthew came to you with a female colleague. "Are you talking about Return of the Superman?" You didn't really know her, she was in a higher semester, but she may be a good friend of Matthew's. "Yes. Do you watch the series too?" Eunbi smiled kindly and she was just cute in her way. But the other student laughed contemptuously. "What? No. I'm not looking at how parents sell their children to subordinate themselves to capitalist social structures." You had to cough after this statement and hope that you don't react too obviously. "Oh no, it's cute." Eunbin looked at the other woman in shock and tried to defend you also a little. "What is sweet about it? Let us now congratulate the men that they are finally get to know their children? In reality, women are still forced to stay at home in our society. In addition, how should the children lead a normal life? Especially those of former idols. They are already being put in the spotlight and what will become of them later. Like their parents idols? Are they also sexualized? When does that start? " You don't know what to say, you were simply shocked and couldn't say a word. But you didn't have to say anything because Mathew spoke. "In our pluralistic value system, it goes without saying that such things develop. But I am shocked that such industries still sell women and men, portray them as sex objects. Politics only want to keep us from the real problems with such conversations and everyone who supports this supports capitalism and the restriction of democracy." Eunbi looked at the two in shock. "Why do you put that on a political level? Can't someone just enjoy the music and the entertainment without losing social values?" This sweet soul was not only lovely but also super intelligent. "If you consume and support everything, you promote sexism and political secrecy. Who benefits from all of this?" Slowly this debate was too much for you and you feel more and more uncomfortable. "But that's normal business. I still enjoy their music and admire the work of the groups." Eunbin not only defended you and your husband, but also yourself. "Nevertheless, you support sexism and slavery. We have been fighting for women's rights for years and there we see girls jumping on stage in short skirts. They correspond to an ideal that we are not all. For example, I could not be tattooed." She pulled her sleeve up and she could see that her arm was completely tattooed, but then she pointed to you. "Or it would not be okay to be a bit fatter liker her...” She points to you. “...because a flat stomach and a very thin figure are required." You then had to cough. Apparently no one really noticed that you were pregnant, they just think you have just gained some weight. "Hey, that's going too far." Eubin was really angry now and at this moment you get a message from Jaehyun that he was in front of the university. "I'm sorry, I have to go now, unfortunately." You get up and smile. "Yes me too, I still have to learn." Eubin also got up and you leave the cafe together.

"I hope you don't take what they say seriously." Eunbi looked at you with concern and you both slowly left the campus. "No, I can't take things seriously from people who don't know what they're talking about." You smile and Eunbi seems calm. "And you're not fatter. If then it is me." She looks down at her sadly. Eunbi was a bit firmer and she took it all to heart. "That shouldn't be important. She should never have said a comment anyway." You smile and notice how angry Eunbi is. That's why you're trying to calm her down. When you were in the parking lot, you can already see the car, with darkened glasses, that had your license plate. "Jaehyun is already there, should we take you somewhere?" She was so nice all the time and you wanted to reciprocate. "What? No, no. I live here in a student dorm, that's only a bus station away." She smiled and you see the car door open and Jaehyun get out. "Shall we really not take you home." You wanted to offer it to her, but her eyes suddenly grew big and you feel Jaehyun's hand around your waist. Eunbi squeaked softly, turned stiffly and quickly ran away without saying anything. You had to laugh and turn to Jaehyun. "How are you? How are the two?" He kissed you gently and his hands stroked your stomach. "We're fine. Are you ready to see our babies?" You smile and put your hands over his neck. "I can’t wait any longer." He kissed you again and then you set off.

It was your next big check-up at the gynecologist. It was the next important appointment in which you will now find out whether everything is going according to plan. Since you can feel the little ones, you are now less worried than before. Jaehyun was almost more excited than you. When you were talking to the doctor, he held your hand all the time and you notice how restless he got. When the doctor started the ultrasound examination, he only looked at the screen. And when the gynecologist put the device on your stomach and you could see the two of them moving, you were completely fascinated. "I will now check the umbilical cord, the cervix, the amount of amniotic fluid, the placenta and the organs." She tried to explain everything to you, but you were only focused on the screen. You can feel the babies moving, but seeing it at the same time made you so happy. "I would now start with the 3D / 4D ultrasound. I have to know beforehand whether you want to know the gender or not." She replaced the device and you feel Jaehyun stroking your head. "We don't want to know it." You smile and the doctor immediately noted this in her files. "Okay, I'm starting now." You look at the screen again and you could hardly believe it. First, you could see their little feet. They were so tiny and while one baby was kicking, the other had crossed the little legs. Then the doctor zoomed in on their face. You could already see so much, there were just two little people in you. "Oh is that a dimple?" The calmer baby was now sucking on his thumb and it looked as if there was dimple on the cheek. "Maybe, but it doesn't have to be." The doctor examined everything further, but you don't really get any of it because it felt like a dream. "Imagine they would get your dimples as well as Sunoh." You smile and feel Jaehyun kiss your forehead. When the doctor zoomed out further, you could now see the whole stomach and you can see how close the two were. They lay side by side, head to head. It was incredibly cute. "Mr. and Mrs. Jung, the babies are in perfect condition. Everything seems to be perfect. There are no abnormalities. The babies have a perfect size and weight for twins. We are still waiting for your blood test, but I will only check your Blood sugar and iron level. But the babies are really fine." You were incredibly relieved to hear that. The gynecologist sent you the videos and photos by email and you head back to the car. "I am so relieved that everything is fine." You smile and buckle up. "Me too. I can't wait to show the kids." He looked at you and kissed you. At that moment you just feel happiness.

It was late now, but Johnny had managed to get all the children ready for bed. You were really excited that he had all three under control so well. "And they're in there?" Miga looks at the 3D ultrasound and cannot believe it. She taps your stomach and you can feel how one of the babies reacted to their sister. It's so sad for you that nobody else could feel it. Sunoh also had his hands on your stomach and giggled.  "Yeah, they're in Mummie's stomach." Jaehyun stroked his daughter's back and smiled. "Where are you?" She leaned forward and palpated you. "One is here and one is here." You draw along your stomach and Miga was totally thrilled. Her reaction was very different now than it was with Sunoh. But at that time she was still an only child and now she had developed into such a great big sister. "When can they get out?" She continued to ask curiously while Sunoh was already falling asleep in your arms. "It takes a little while, they have to grow a little bit. Now they are too small." This time Jaehyun explained it to her and slowly put her in bed. "Tell them to grow faster. I want to play with them." She giggled and you kiss her. After Miga had also fallen asleep, you two put Sunoh in bed and then goes down to the living room. "Would you like to watch another movie?" You ask your husband, he nodded and you make yourself comfortable on the couch together. You sit in front of him, your shoulder lies on his stomach, so he could stroke your belly. You pull a blanket over yourself because you have already gotten cold and you go through the films that are available. "Hey, can I join too?" Johnny came to you and Jaehyun waved him on the couch. You keep looking and in the end, you agree on a film that Johnny and you thought was good but Jaehyun found a little boring. 

Halfway through the movie, you hear a sigh and you know Jaehyun didn't think the movie was great. But you keep watching it when you suddenly feel Jaehyun's fingers a little further down and suddenly under your panties. You press your lips together when he starts massaging your clit under the blanket and you look briefly at Johnny, who was almost asleep. Jaehyun didn't respond at all, just kept looking at the TV. If the feeling gets too intense, you clear your throat to suppress your moaning. But Jaehyun didn't massage you too hard, so you won't get to orgasm right away. In between, he stopped and left you behind. But then he kept starting teasing you again. He then put a finger in you and you feel how needy you already are because your muscles around him contract tightly. You look up at him, but he keeps staring at the television, but at the same time you feel how he put his second finger in you and slowly you can't stand it any longer. "Jaehyun ..." You whisper while he only gives you a kiss on the head in response. He slowly pulled his fingers out of you and starts massaging your clit again. You went crazy, your whole body reacted. It felt like your whole panties were already completely wet. But then suddenly you hear Johnny and you startle for a moment. "Hmm, I think I should go to bed. Good night." He got up, yawned, and then left the living room. You wait until you hear the door that locked. Then you turn around very quickly and sit on Jaehyun's lap. "How can you tease me like this?" You put your hands on his chest and he just grinned. "It's your own fault if you choose such a boring film." He put his hands on the upper side of your thigh and pushed your sweater dress up so that your ass is free. "What if Johnny had noticed?" You start to grind on his middle and you can hardly stand the tension anymore. "That never bothered you in the dorm before." He winked and grabbed your ass. He was right, at that time he had done it often and you both had found it exciting to test limits. "Shit Jaehyun, I need your dick. Now. Inside me." He immediately took off his shirt as you pull his sweatpants down further. His length immediately jumped out and you don't hesitate a second and raise your hips to place it in front of you. Jaehyun put his hand on your ass again and pulled your panties aside with his fingers so that they weren't in the way. You sit down and feel full lust when you have completely absorbed his dick. "Fuck, you make me so hard." Jaehyun groaned and threw his head back. You put your hands on his chest to support yourself and start riding him. The feeling was incredible and you feel how you got closer to your climax. Jaehyun was louder this time too, his moans made it more intense. At some point, he wants more from you. While riding him but throwing your head back. He pushed your dress up so far that your breasts were free. He was playing with your swollen nipples and you feel that your orgasm would come soon. You wanted to lean forward to ride him faster, but when you lean your head forward again, you see someone standing in the room. "JAINA!" You cried out and quickly pulled your dress down. Jaehyun also turned and looked at the little girl who was staring at you with wide eyes. "Shit." Jaehyun swore as you climb down from him. You straighten your dress and walk towards the girl. Then suddenly she started to cry. "Mummy." She was looking for her mother because she missed her and you were so sorry for all of this. "Come on my little one, we're going to your daddy." She rubbed her eyes and nodded. 

Slowly you go back to the guest room with her and wake up Johnny, who then takes care of Jaina again. You go up and see Jaehyun waiting for you. "It can't go on like this. We can't do anything in our house anymore. We should enjoy the time before the twins come." You go up to him and kiss him. "It won't be long anymore." You try to calm him down, but Jaehyun was already pissed off. "But it's enough for me now.”

daddy jaehyun masterlist

[iwriteforthetincanman]

Mandoctober Day 14: Helmet

A/N: brought to you by angst, depression, a small hot chocolate, the tense feeling in my shoulders as I’m typing this and of course the source of almost all of my writing: the mixture of insomnia and a f**ked up sleep schedule.

p.s. I am trying to take care of myself, October is just a tough time of the year for me and Mandoctober is helping me cope. I refuse to give up any possibly writings/drawings at this point.

Also this is loosely based off of headcannons from @dindjarindiaries​ blog and this is for @leo-moon​ ‘s Mandoctober!

TW: mentions of abuse (both descriptive, non-descriptive, mental, emotional and physical but only for a two, three paragraphs) Refusal to eat or sleep (Din refuses to do these things for two seconds and Reader isn’t granted them) minor character death, themes of slavery (NOT RACE SPECIFIED) (not a trigger warning) pronouns of a gender neutral partner and of course, lastly, hurt/comfort and fluff. (Also personally because I wrote this and I can shout it into the void, I’m gender fluid with she/her pronouns so I’d like to imagine reader is too, BUT THAT’S JUST ME SO IMAGINE THIS HOWEVER YOU WANT, once again requests are open for any sexuality/gender, as long as you give me brief description of what you want, nothing NSFW)

Time. Aboard the Razor Crest with no specific moon, sun or stars to guide you, time easily became irrelevant. What you learned very quickly was that with this discovery, you realized Din knew that too. 

Or it had gotten to a point where he learnt it a long time ago and just...forgot all about it.

Sometimes he would just sit there in the pilot’s seat, without even doing anything and he would just stare into oblivion. You wondered if his eyesight was okay. Now that you think about it...when was the last time he ate something? Does he ever take that helmet off?

“Din? Are you okay?” For a moment you thought he might be asleep. 

“Sorry...did you say something?” Okay, now you knew he at least needed some sleep. 

“Come on tin can. You need some brain food and maybe even an ‘extended nap’.” You joked.

“Isn’t that just called sleeping?” You couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not...or if that helmet was squeezing his brain too.

“Come on!” Grabbing his hand unexpectedly, Din flinched a little before you dragged him to his feet. 

“I-I can’t.” This admission had you stopping in your tracks as you reached the hull. 

“Is...everything okay?” You were concerned before but now you were starting to think he was hiding a wound from you. He’s done it before. Waiting until you were asleep to tend to it so you wouldn’t worry. Little did he know you had been wide awake with worry for a while and could hear him hurting himself with that blasted cauterizer. 

It was understandable that as a Mandalorian medical supplies weren’t cheap. Even with all the bounties Din brought in, currency rates were going up around the universe. It was difficult to keep up with. Which is why you never broached the subject with him.

It wasn’t your place to pry. 

Not with him anyway...he was silent, reserved, it was like he didn’t trust you. Yet you of all people understood that, you understood that it took you a long time to trust him. Like really trust him with your life...rather than just your role to him as the child’s ‘caretaker’.

It blind sided you when you realized how deeply you cared for him...Mando. 

Gods, you didn’t even know his own name.

“My creed. I can’t...eat in front of other people.” This was a touchy subject. You knew that. But you underestimated how stressed out he really was. He wasn’t wounded...he was just bone tired.

“Well, I can make some food-”

“DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND? I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP!”

“...ok.”

He hadn’t seethed the words out from his teeth as loud as you had heard them.

But...the look on your face as your eyes met the floor, undoubtedly filling with tears.

It cut Din deeper than any vibroblade could.

---

“I don’t know what to do Ad’ika. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t dream without thinking of her. And now...now I’ve gone and done the worst thing I could ever do to her...I hurt her without even touching her.” 

The sigh was small before it reached a crescendo out of his lungs, erupting out of his head like it was a volcano. That was what it felt like to breath again. When he was alone Mando had the freedom to take his helmet off on the Crest as much as he wanted. As long as he was in space, his privacy was unlimited. 

But that all changed when he met the child and then eventually...you. 

“I just wish...I knew more about her. Knew her likes and dislikes. Knew what her favorite food was. What makes her laugh...her favorite kind of music…I’ve gone and ruined everything haven’t I? Not just for me but for you too. I can’t just let her go...and if she does leave I can’t just hire someone new. She’s...really burrowed her way into my heart, little one.” 

Din’s soliloquy fell into the little creature’s ears like a fly trap. The child knew his father was hurting, he could feel it, not just in the force but in his tiny little heart. It was the kind of hurt he couldn’t fix with his own hands...he had to find another way. He had to make his buir feel whole again. 

Determined, the little creature climbed onto his father’s chest as his breathing started to relax. 

“Ad’ika, I’m not in the mood for games right now…” The dark circles under Din’s eyes became more and more pronounced as the hours dragged on. The good thing about being a father now meant that he had someone to talk to at any time if the baby was also struggling to sleep. 

Din never thought he would become a father. He thought a lot of things wouldn’t happen before he died a warrior’s death. He definitely thought he wasn’t going to fall in love too...but that happened before he could even think about it. 

Multiple chirps and coos echoed from the child’s lips as Din continued to massage his temples. 

“Ad’ika did you not hear me?”

Opening his eyes, Din found himself utterly and completely alone. 

“Ad’ika!” Startling upwards, he launched himself onto his bear feet as he searched the dark air around him for either you or the child. 

“Y/N!” Screaming your name into the void he began to run, not caring about his bare feet, his sleep wear or the fact his helmet was completely missing. 

A fact that had not gone unnoticed by the child.

---

Abruptly, Din was launched into the scorching blazes of a desert sun. 

The sand hurt as he fell down the dune he wasn’t gonna lie. 

But in some weird, twisted way, it felt good to feel the sand under his skin. 

“Girl! You get back here! Wretched creature!!” The sudden yelling came from a small village not too far away from where Din stood. Flinching, he hid behind the sand. He felt naked without the beskar. It was almost embarrassing how scared he was right now.

Peering over the sandy hill, he saw a young child with Y/H/C hair, rosy cheeks and bare feet run straight towards him. Not considering the strange events that had occurred before this, Din, although he’d never admit it, attempted to run away from her. Except, when she caught up to him, she ran right through him.

Din couldn’t decide whether this was some wicked form of a dream or that he had died and was now wandering the nearest planet.

Oh Maker, what if he was dead? There was no way you could pilot the Crest on your own...and what about Ad’ika.

That was when he heard it, the baby cooing in his head. 

“Ad’ika?”

That’s when it clicked. He wasn’t in some hellish figment of his imagination or dead…the child had used his powers to do this since he wasn’t wearing his helmet. But then again...where the hell was he?

“Y/N! YOU UGLY THING! IF YOU DON’T GET BACK HERE I WILL THROTTLE YOU!”

Whipping around to face you, all Din was met with was the familiar sight of you hunched over yourself, right near his feet. Crying. This had happened before but…not like this.

Was this...one of your memories? 

Oh no...Din was in your head. Somehow, the baby had managed it.

“I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK THERE! AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!” Din turned back to face the furious woman, she looked like a cursed school teacher, her hair flying all over the place. But what stood out to him were the nail marks on her cheek. 

He couldn’t picture it but somehow this woman had distressed you so much you had decided to hit her. The next thing that happened confirmed it…

SLAP!

“YOU EVER HIT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN GIRL I WON’T BE AS CONSIDERATE TO KEEP YOU!”

Keep you? Oh...you weren’t a school child.

You were a slave.

That’s why when you had first met you had been so skittish, so fearful...and yet so brave. 

Somehow it all made sense.

Din couldn’t help reaching out for you as your head sagged on your shoulders, a purple and pink mark blossoming across the side of your face as the evil woman clawed her hand around your wrist. 

“You will make my children their supper and you will go straight into the cellar with no dinner. Do you understand me child?” She spoke with a gentle tone...yet the venom dripped from it with the force of a thousand sandcrawlers. 

“...Yes Ma’am.” 

Your submission startled Din. Then again, you were only a child, and if Din hadn’t been taken in by the Mandalorians at your age...who knows what could’ve happened to him. From what little he had heard about of slaves...they didn’t often make it to see their teenage years. 

Yet, somehow you did. 

Din couldn’t help being grateful that, from what he could see of you, those were the only things that cruel woman had done to you. 

---

Stumbling into a new landscape, Din shook his head in an attempt to gain his bearings. 

“Look Y/N, it’ll be a quick job, all you have to do is listen to what I say and we’ll be gone as soon as you can say ‘bantha fodder’.” 

This was a new voice. A teenager from what Din could guess. They spoke in a kind tone but at the sound of the way they said your name he couldn’t help the feeling of jealousy welling up in him. 

Shaking his head once again, he looking around the jungle planet to spot you and this person.

“Iarren...I don’t know about this. I know we’ve done stuff like this before but we’re not resistance fighters. Those are imperial troops. What if...what if one of us doesn’t come back from this?” 

A much older version of you appeared like a vision from behind the leaves. You were much older now, Din could only guess that you had only just recently come of age. You had grown into your features well. He could see more of the fierce woman he had come to know. 

“Babe, you worry too much. Imps are stupid, plus what we are after is right next to the door practically. If you’re so concerned you can cover me from here and I’ll be right back to kiss your worries away...alright?” Din could tell just by the way you shared a glance that you were absolutely taken with this person. 

In a way Din respected them...but in the back of his mind he knew there was a reason he was seeing this particular memory. Bracing himself, he could only watch as you shared a tender kiss with your lover. It shocked him how passionate you were with them. Gripping them like a vice as if you knew what was about to happen. 

Din’s heart broke for you as he watched you sob over their corpse later that very night. 

---

“Cyare?” 

Din thought he had finally made it back to you just by looking upon your face. Much older now, age similar to the one when he met you. Looking around, he realized...this was that exact moment. 

“Excuse me.” 

Now Din knew for certain he wasn’t dreaming...there was no way he could dream about himself in this much detail. It was like having an out of body experience...in a way he was.

“Can I help you?” The first thing Din noticed about you was that you were too kind to have been on a planet as rough as Andos. Imps were everywhere nowadays and it was the one time Din had to wear a proper cloak so no one could spot him. 

“I need to hire someone to help me with a child. I was wondering if you could help me find a person that is trustworthy?” Being a Mandalorian was so difficult that day. Meeting you made him realize that you were kind enough to suggest yourself, admitting that you were tired of the constant trail of dead bodies this planet had shown you. He flinched when you mentioned the blood you found leaking through your front door one morning. 

He accepted your offer immediately. Offering payment for a job you had been doing for years without none. 

Din had no clue he had saved you from slavery for the second time in your life. 

---

Waking up in a cold sweat, Din knew this was reality. 

All your memories, it felt like a dream. 

That’s when he felt his son sag against his chest, heaving long tired breaths. 

Din was scared he had over exerted himself. 

“Ad’ika...why did you do that?” 

All the child could do was reach for his father’s face, bringing it towards his own. 

“Da.” This one, simple word, brought Din’s walls crumbling to the ground as he began to cry. 

“Thank you...Ni kar’tayli gar darasuum Ad’ika.”

The overwhelming joy he felt caused his thoughts about you to skyrocket. He knew he had to share this information with you. 

Startling from his bed, Din shot out of his room with the sleepy child tucked against his vest clad chest. 

“Y/N! Cyare come quick!” 

The sound of his unmodulated voice scared you more than anything else he had said to you that night. What you didn’t expect when you opened the door was to find a complete stranger shouting your name. 

“WHO ARE YOU? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH DIN?!” You practically screamed, ready to throw hands with this strange practically half naked man that had appeared before you.

That’s what you spotted the child in his arms, half asleep and staring admiringly up at the man. 

“...He called me da. I...had to share that with you Cyare...I didn’t even think twice about my creed.” The watery smile he gave you was enough to convince you that the man before you was none other than Din Djarin himself. 

“...just like that? You...you threw away your creed, being a Mandalorian...just so you could tell me he spoke his first word?” Din thought you were upset, in a way you were. 

When he turned to find your eyes filled with the happiest of tears he had ever seen, the overwhelming urge to kiss you kept slamming into his head, bleeding through his heart. 

“Cyare...Father’s always share the first word their child speaks with their Mother.” 

When you began to sob, Din refused to hold himself back as he curled his fingers through your hair, cradling your son between the two of you as he tilted your head back. 

As his lips brushed against yours for the first time…

You both had never felt so free.

[little-bard]

So I have this idea for gender fluid in the witcher universe. So humor me if you will.

So I’ve seen the idea floated around the community how there could easily be trans people because they could just do the same thing as Yennefer. But obviously, you give up fertility to live in the body you should have been born with. I was thinking traditional non-binary could do it to appear more androgynous if that’s what they wanted as well. But then I started thinking of myself. I’m technically non-binary but I’m gender fluid. And sometimes I want to present highly masc but can’t because of my body but I would also be depressed if I couldn’t present femme anymore on the days where I felt that way.

So here’s my fantasy solution. You can go through the same spell but it’s ever-changing. Whereas Yen’s is a permanent appearance change this is one that changes with your true inner self. You obviously give up being fertile but I’m not sure if it would require more yet. It would obviously mean no casual sex as you don’t want the man you just bedded as a woman to wake up next to a man. Or reverse. And it would be hard to maintain friends because you could have two lives almost but once you maneuver telling the people you’re close to I think it would kinda be like a superpower? Like you can be a wanted criminal as a man and a queen as a woman. I also don’t imagine there being a lot of people who would be gender fluid in the universe. So it’s odd and many people don’t even know it exists. I think I would write a binary gender-fluid character with male and female. But they could be any genders. And it’s not like shapeshifting (I mean kinda but also no?) like strictly still their race and usually still similar looking.

I kinda have an original character in mind, obviously friends with Jaskier because I feel like the little bard draws special people to him. Maybe an Ex-lover? No definitely because Jaskier is bi/pan as heck and being able to love one person who’s both man and women and amazing and sweet. And ATTRACTIVE that’s amazing! Also, this person probably felt the most comfortable letting their pent up sexual energy out with the man Because let’s be honest, Jaskier is a sweetheart and treats them exactly the same no matter if they feel like a different gender in the morning. (Also they’re both huge sluts and enjoy the same things sexually.) And that’s exactly what they needed, someone who cared about them and understand they were one person, just someone who experienced 2 genders and needed to be both to be happy and fulfilled. But they realized they weren’t right for each other and remained best friends.

I imagine them meeting the gang in a female form. Short and curvy, long flowing wavy brown hair a beautiful dress and a soft almost doll-like face all tied together by their piercing green eyes. Jaskier sees them at a random event at court and invites them to travel with the crew to the next town as they’re all heading that way. At first, they’re weary but they agree, as it’s Jaskier there’s no way he would travel with anyone unaccepting of who they were.

Geralt is almost jealous when they arrive to begin the journey with their own horse (a bigger bag too. Normally one person didn’t need that much) and even lets Jaskier ride with them. Jaskier begins playing his lute and singing a song that Geralt isn’t familiar with but they certainly are, as they sing along to his song bird-like voice with a soft and beautiful voice of their own. At camp later too, the two were inseparable. Geralt tried to not stare at them. Jaskier had always been a flirt and could get any person in bed if he wanted to. But it was the familiar feeling between the two that put Geralt on edge. Nobody but him was supposed to those soft smiles on Jaskiers lip or having Jaskier sing them songs only they knew. Geralt felt the Magic on them but he and yen agreed that it was just like the spell on her. Appearance-based nothing more. The two old friends put their bedrolls basically on top of each other and Geralt often heard a small giggle from either one of them throughout the night. He kept his eyes looking up at the sky as to not know if his bard was bedding another.

In the morning Geralt stared shocked, as where there once was a small woman the night before there stood a tall buff man maybe even two inches taller than him. The man had on a simple tunic and leather pants, his hair was longer then Geralt’s and brown and wavy but was pulled up in a bun, he was broad-shouldered but still seemed to have a clumsy air about him, most importantly, he had green piercing eyes. Jaskier was basically hanging off the mans arm as he begged for the man to make him breakfast. All the man did was let out a low deep chuckle. Geralt forced a cough and that alerted the pair to his presence.

“Jaskier.” Geralt basically growled. He was demanding an explanation but the bard was busy trying to shove a pan into the taller person’s hands.

“You didn’t tell them?” The man said as fear ran through his eyes. “Jaskier!” They said in a deep roar. “You always do this”

“I didn’t think it was any of there business Cass! Who you are shouldn’t be that much of a big deal.” Jaskier responded. Geralt was almost hurt that he was being ignored but at least they weren’t being close like before. Somehow them fighting calmed him. “Also I don’t always do this.”

“Oh yeah? What about that time you basically demanded we have a threesome with that warrior woman? We bedded her as two men. You remember how you promised me, you would make sure I got to our room that night before the morning in case I wasn’t the same and it put our lives in danger? You know I get sleepy after sex! But you wanted another round so you let me fall asleep then and then you did after. Remember her reaction when she woke up and a woman was curled into her side? She almost killed us for ‘tricking’ her!” This statement did not calm Geralt. Especially coming from the beefy man in front of him. Jaskier definitely had a type. By now yen was awake and listening intently. It’s almost as if you could see the popcorn in her hand. Both of them were slowly piecing, where the women had disappeared to, together though.

“I thought you liked when I demanded you. You know you could have always said no. I only did that because of both of our enjoyment.” Jaskier genuinely looked worried and stepped closer to the other person before him, resting a soft hand on their arm.

“Jask, you know it’s not that. I did enjoy it...” they suddenly got quiet, becoming more aware of the others around them. “...can we not discuss my sexual desires in front of a witcher and a sorceress, please? I was saying you normally forget how hard it is for people to understand who I am. Not everyone is you Jaskier. Some people like a heads up that the women they met yesterday is now a man who looks like he weight lifts 3 cows every morning.”

“I know I’m sorry. I just forgot it’s not normal. You’re one of the most important people in my life, I just assumed others would judge you on character, not gender.” Jaskier apologized in a soft voice.

“It’s fine. I know you don’t mean harm.” They smiled and picked up Jaskier for a strong hug. Jaskier let out a giggle and hugged them back.

Geralt coughed letting them know of his presence once more. The taller person pulled away from the hug with a deep blush.

“Oh, I guess I’ll formally introduce myself as Jaskier didn’t. I’m Cass. Born Lady Cassandra. Jask likes to joke it’s actually short for Casanova. I have a similar spell as Yennefer if what Jaskier tells me and what I know about sorceresses is true. But mine is a bit more complicated. I don’t feel one gender or the other. I feel both but normally at different times. I settled mine with changing each day based on how my true self felt when the sun rises.” They extend their hand for Geralt to shake. He grabs it hesitantly.

“So your Jaskiers lover?” Yennefer asks bluntly.

“Ex-lover. No need to fear dear sorceress, I’m very much free for the taking.” They said with a chuckle and wink. “Me and Jask work much better at friends. So you need not worry either Witcher! I promise to not lay an ill-intentioned finger on your little bard. But if you don’t soon someone will. I mean unless you're not into small boys, if that’s that case I’ll over myself then” They laughed and it was deep and jolly. It felt like it could shake the whole forest.

“Cass!” Jaskier lept back into the conversation and slapped the other. “Stop flirting with my friends. They’ll start to like you more than me. Go make breakfast, Geralt always burns it.” He shoved the pan at them while pushing them to the fire.

OKAY IM STOPPING THERE.

Basically, I needed to get this out of my system to focus on actual fics. But it was really cute in my head. I hope you enjoyed 💕

[aeipcthys]

╰ ❛   💉 — › miranda otto. cis-female. she/her.  ╯ have  you  met  celeste white  yet  ?  this fifty year old  taurus  has  been  living  in the seattle  area  for  one month.  she  makes  a  living  as  head of general surgery, which  is best suited for their cunning,  protective,  egotistical,  and stubborn personality. dream a little dream of me by doris day  is  one of  their  favorite  songs.

trigger warnings: abuse, alcoholism, misogyny, adultery, age difference, divorce, estranged parents

full character page here

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: celeste adella white

Nickname(s): you’ll call her celeste and like it

Age: 50

Date of Birth: april 30, 1970

Hometown: manchester, england

Current Location: seattle, washington

Ethnicity: white (english, german) 

Nationality: english

Gender: cisgender female

Pronouns: she/her/hers

Orientation: queen of the sapphics, but pansexual (believes sexuality is fluid) 

Status: divorced, single

Religion: agnostic

Political Affiliation: liberal leaning

Occupation: head of general surgery (specializes in minimally invasive & robotic surgeries)

Living Arrangements: lives alone and will not tell you where she lives but you can bet it’s bougie af

Language(s) Spoken: english, german

Accent: english

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Face Claim: miranda otto

Hair Color: red

Eye Color: green

Height: 5'5

Weight: 128 lbs

Build: slim

Tattoos: nope.

Piercings: ears

Clothing Style: bougie most of the time 

Usual Expression: pursed lips, scowl, something that says...I’m disappointed 

Distinguishing Characteristics: her smile, when you get to see it

HEALTH

Physical Ailments: none.

Neurological Conditions: n/a

Allergies: none.

Sleeping Habits: she sleeps on her freaking back like HOW people do that, i’ll never know, but the gal does

Eating Habits: she’ll eat whatever ends up in front of her 

Exercise Habits: she’s up every day at 4 or 5 am to do something physical 

Emotional Stability: i don’t know her

Sociability: very skeptical of people, often judgemental, but she can be kind and hold a conversation at times; she’s used to people wanting to talk to her

Body Temperature: runs cold yet often wears outfits she’ll definitely be cold in

Addictions: none.

Drug Use: not really (still stress smokes sometimes it’s not great)

Alcohol Use: oh yes...oh yes. she’s that person that has a bottle of really nice scotch in her bottom desk drawer with two empty glasses. 

PERSONALITY

Label: tbd

Positive Traits: cunning, protective, fierce, poised, skilled, brilliant

Negative Traits: egotistical, stubborn, judgmental, competitive, cold, closed-off

Fears: fears are for wimps 

Hobbies: who has the time for hobbies 

Habits: drinking, writing people off, holding grudges :) 

FAVOURITES

Weather: give her a brisk day

Colour: any deep red

Music: something classic, on a record player preferably 

Movies: old movies

Sport: tennis

Beverage: scotch, black coffee

Food: tbd

Animal: cats and only cats 

FAMILY

Father: oscar white

Mother: lucille white

Sibling(s): annabelle white

Children: bella peterman

Exes: clifford hughes (ex-husband #1), daniel peterman (ex-husband #2), lilith baxter (on again, off again girlfriend)

Pet(s): prince the black cat

Family’s Financial Status: wealthy

EXTRA

Zodiac Sign: taurus

MBTI: entj

Anything Else:

BIO

tl;dr: abusive father, quiet mother, distant sister; two failed marriages; daughter who hates her; VERY accomplished surgeon (studying under Ellis Grey for a bit), then doing her own research; particularly influential in the field of minimally invasive and robotic surgeries (well-known award winner); fucked lilith 

Celeste White was born to Oscar and Lucille White in Manchester, England. She was born a few years before her sister, Annabelle. The four lived in a large house, Celeste’s father being the beneficiary of her late grandfather’s successful business. Of course, Oscar couldn’t manage anything, let alone a successful company. 

Their house was a cold place to grow up. (TW alcoholism, abuse) Celeste’s father was constantly drinking, and when he wasn’t drinking, he was screaming at someone to get him more to drink. Her mother was a quiet woman, constantly living under the thumb of her father. He was most definitely abusive, although he mostly kept that out of their eyes. But Celeste knew, and she grew to resent her mother for what she saw as weakness. Annabelle tried to pretend it wasn’t happening at all. 

Celeste hated her father from a young age, always challenging him. He was a bastard (her words), and she let him know it. His reactions were often volatile. He wasn’t afraid to push around his kids, pull them by their hair, or hit them when provoked enough. And verbally he was a nightmare. He never paid it much mind after an altercation, but Celeste remembered everything. Especially how he would pit Celeste and Annabelle against each other. It prevented them from growing close as sisters. 

Celeste left the family at age 17, heading to the University of Oxford to begin her education. It was there she completed a six-year medicine program, and then she continued on in London for a few years to perfect her craft. During her schooling, Celeste met Clifford. She was barely 19 years old when she agreed to marry him. (TW age difference, misogyny, abuse) Clifford was 31 when he married Celeste, and their initial romance quickly curtailed into a mess of a marriage. They fought constantly. He threw countless insults at her. His hatred of women became clear. Celeste was doing very well in her school, excelling in her medical studies, but Clifford was failing in his business ventures at every turn. He began to drink and became quite the son of a bitch (her words). Their marriage ended with both of them engaging in a volatile fight. She divorced him once her training was done, deciding to move to the states the first moment she could. 

Celeste was 26 when she moved to the U.S., securing a job at Mass General Hospital. Celeste wasn’t overly crazy about the states, but she found working at the hospital to be enlightening. She started working under Ellis Grey. She was a hard woman to be around, but Celeste adamantly enjoyed learning from the other woman. She worked with her as she eventually won her a second Harper Avery award. Feeling inspired by the woman’s influence, Celeste began to engage in research of her own.

Celeste was 29 when she met Daniel Peterman. Daniel was a professor of medicine, and Celeste was enamored with his kindness and warmth. They were dating about 6 months when Celeste found out she was pregnant. She’d never wanted children. She even considered not having the child, but it turned out she was too far along to consider such choices. 

Celeste had to halt her research to give birth to her daughter, Bella. Looking at the tiny baby in her arms, Celeste really did fall in love. Possibly for the first time ever. She and Daniel were married soon after. 

Being in the U.S. soon became tiresome, so Daniel and Bella moved with Celeste back to London where she began to, once again, engage in her research. Celeste wrote numerous papers, many notable to her peers. She was becoming a very well-known surgeon, but her time away from Daniel and Bella was waring on them. Daniel would become more and more irritated that Celeste was more married to her work than him. He began to have numerous affairs outside of their marriage. To get back at him, Celeste did the same. Their marriage became more about the battle than their lives together. Bella was often caught in the middle of it all, but her Dad was more present in her life. Although Celeste tried, Bella began to openly favor Daniel.

Celeste and Daniel finally started their divorce proceedings when she was 39 years old. Bella was barely 10. Their divorce was bitter and angry. They fought over every scrap, including Bella. Celeste was able to maintain shared custody, but that wasn’t really the way it ended up playing out. Bella fought her at every turn, always wanting to go back to her father when she was with Celeste. For years they were at odds. Celeste loved Bella deeply, but she also loved her work. As Bella became a teenager, she eventually just stopped fighting and let Bella choose. Bella, of course, chose her father.

Celeste fell into her work, possibly producing even some of her best. She expanded her specialty to include minimally invasive and robotic surgeries. Celeste single-handedly changed the game with her research, becoming the face for minimally invasive techniques and robotics in surgery. When she was 45 years old, Celeste was awarded the Lister Medal by the Royal College of Surgeons of England (and countless other awards throughout her career). 

She even tried her hand at teaching. Although she was not always the easiest person to learn from, Celeste found herself quite taken by Kassandra. They formed a bond during their time working together, and while she’d never fully admit it, Celeste enjoys mentoring the girl. One of her soft spots.

Celeste never had the desire to marry again, and she wasn’t concerned with love of any kind. Just loving. Her sexuality was something she always felt encouraged to explore. Although she’d only ever married men, there were women and other folks she’d had affairs with over the years. She much preferred women, if she was being honest. 

Celeste met Lilith Baxter through her work and found the woman to be seductive and sensuous. They were on and off again, but Celeste quite enjoyed when they were on. They weren’t a perfect duo...two dominating personalities never were, but Celeste did think about Lilith. More often than she should. 

It occurred to Celeste as she was turning 50 that she had accomplished a lot, but retirement was nowhere close to where she wanted to be. Upon hearing of the opening in Seattle, Celeste decided to once again venture to the states. She asked Bella to move with her, but her daughter ignored the offer. They barely speak these days, which breaks Celeste’s heart. Celeste has won a lot of awards, but she would love to secure the Harper Avery.

PLOTS

y’all know me open to anything

we love a mentee or research assistant, perhaps an enemy to loath, a connection from someone who used to work with her (either abroad or in the u.s. in the past), a connection with one of her ex-husbands, and of course sexy times

[king-of-the-issues]

🏳️‍🌈Happy pride everyone 🏳️‍🌈

I thought I’d make a ‘little’ (sorry, it’s going to be a long one and it’s going to be a bit of a mess) post about my own story and journey within the LGBTQIA+ community. Hopefully it can help educate some, maybe others will be able to relate, or you’ll just find out a little more about me.

I grew up in a fairly liberal family and area - although the area was technically conservative until very recently, I’ve been lucky enough to not have known anyone majorly homophobic or discriminatory (my grandad is a little stuck in his ways though). I’ve always been told that being ‘different’ is good and normal and there’s nothing wrong with liking someone of the same gender. Although we were never really taught anything about same-sex relationships and being the late 00s, sex education was very heteronormative. We were never told that being gay was wrong and we knew of gay teachers in the school and kids with two mums or two dads and it was never really a big thing.

I first started questioning my sexuality in my early teens, I wasn’t very ‘girly’ and I didn’t really have any crushes on boys at school. So I figured I must be gay, or at least bi. Looking back at this I can see that although I thought I was well educated, I was not. And though I may have been right in the long run, my justification and understanding of why it was so was definitely built on a lot of gender stereotypes and I wasn’t fully aware of what it meant to be gay or what my true feelings were. But I still wasn’t sure, so I just assumed that I was straight, I’d never had feelings for a girl, so why would I be gay?

I finally started to better educate myself when I joined tumblr in 2013 as a ‘Wholock’ fan blog. I started following other fan accounts who just happened to be part of the LGBTQ+ community and so would post things about themselves and their community. Through this I definitely learnt a lot more about sexuality. There wasn’t just an L,G and B, but there was a P and an A and a Q and so much more. I started watching more LGBTQ+ you tubers, tv and movies and educating myself further.

At this point I was doing my GCSEs (16 years old), I’d never been in a relationship hetero or otherwise. I hadn’t even had my first kiss and I still hadn’t really had any crushes. A boy hadn’t paid any attention to me in anything other than a platonic way in about 4 years. Some of my friends were in relationships and getting male attention, so I was still thinking, was there something wrong with me? If I’m not gay, do people think I’m gay and that’s why they don’t pay me any attention? So I started dressing more feminine and wearing more makeup in the hope that something would change. It didn’t.

When I started Sixth form in 2014 (17) I saw a film in the cinema that truly opened my eyes and I think I can say that seeing that film was the turning point and the moment I started to educate and question myself further. That film was ‘Pride’, the true story of Lesbians and Gays Support the Miners. Something about this film really got me, like many other films and tv shows I fell in live with the movie and it’s characters. Only this time they weren’t just characters, they were real people, who played a huge part in LGBTQ+ history. So I learnt more about these people and their stories. I posted about it a lot on tumblr and found other lovers of the film and they taught me more about their lives. This film was also my first major introduction to pride, London Pride in particular. I had missed the parade that year, but was hoping to attend the next year. This was also the year that same-sex marriage was legalised in England and Wales. There was a lot of things in the news and on tv about the history and struggle of the LGBTQ+ community, including ‘Our Gay Wedding the Musical’. As a lover of musicals, I wasn’t going to miss this, but not only was it an excellent musical, but I learnt so much more about the history and ‘legal side’ of being part of the LGBTQ+ community. It also introduced me to a lot of LGBTQ+ musical artists, personalities and songs.

In both AS and A2 Level art, I completed projects focused on sexuality and gender identity. I explored a range of artists, historical figures and other influential people within the LGBTQ+ community. I was able to better understand the many different identities that existed and the work that has been made to get where we are now as well as questioning my own identity.

For A Levels I had picked Art as one of my subjects. I have always loved art and at this point it was the direction I was planning on taking my life and career. I was still very much continuing to educate myself about the LGBTQ+ community and was discovering LGBTQ+ art and artists. This was also the time that Grayson Perry’s second tv series ‘Who are you?’ was airing, which looked at various aspects that affect a person, including gender and sexuality. With Grayson discussing his own relationship with gender and sexuality. At this point in time, A Levels were all split into ASs (year 12) and A2s (year 13). Which at the end of both would be an exam in all the subjects you took (4 for AS, 3 for A2). In art we were given a selection of titles and had to pick one to work from. From this we would have to create research pieces and supporting work, leading up to a final piece, which we would complete in a 5 hour exam. At this point I had been looking for a way to represent the LGBTQ+ community in my work and when ‘Community’ was given as one of the possible exam titles, I knew what I was doing.

I began with studies of people I had learnt about through general media, Pride and Our Gay Wedding the Musical. On a side note, this was when I developed my love for graphite portraits, my first of which was of Nathan Taylor and Benjamin Till the couple who both created and were married in OGWtM. I continued my general research into artists and styles, when one of my teachers introduced me to the work of Paul Harfleet. Paul created the Pansy Project, where he would plant a pansy (historically a derogative term for a gay man) in a location of homophobic abuse (verbal or physical). He would also edit photos to put Pansy’s into the mouths of famous people who were homophobic or used homophobic language. I used this idea as my inspiration and my final exam piece featured well known people who have used such language or hold such views, with handmade pansies in their mouths, with Oscar Wilde in the middle, who was imprisoned for being gay, holding a bunch of pansies as if he’d put them there. My research for this piece had introduced me further to the political movements, fights and protests, the work that had been made and was still being made to help people just simply live their lives as themselves. When I finished my AS Level, I was hoping to carry this theme onto my work in my A2s.

Because I was hoping to do this I decided that I now had to go to Pride as it would be a great opportunity to take reference photos. I intended to go with some friends, but they all bailed, so I ended up going with my mum. My mum has always been reasonably liberal, but she never really had the knowledge to educate myself and siblings on the different types of relationships, gender and sexuality. By going to Pride, it definitely opened her eyes and she has since become a huge advocate for equal rights for all and as a childcare provider is trying her best to educate the children she looks after and make her environment inclusive. I absolutely loved Pride and collected so many great photos and saw so many inspirational people. Including the cast of the Pride movie and originators of LGSM.

In A2 art, we were required to complete coursework that would feature various pieces and research that would accompany an illustrated essay. In order to continue my focus on the LGBTQ+ community, the title I created was ‘How has art reflected society’s attitudes towards sexuality and gender’. I continued to look at the work of Grayson Perry as well as the story of Lily Elbe. During Pride I had taken a picture of a drag queen dressed as the Queen and used this as a reference for a painting. From this I edited picture of well known people to be the opposite gender. Looking back at this, I do regret doing this, as well as other aspects of my following work. I feel that although my intention was to show gender as fluid and present some ‘what if..’ questions, I feel that the way I went about it could have been insensitive and seen as mocking those with gender dysphoria and identity issues. Continuing from my queen portrait I decided to look specifically at the royal family and at monarchs and members of the family throughout history who are believed to be part of the LGBTQ+ community and how that has been ‘covered up’ or ignored. I also looked at drag artists and how the royal family who, though are typically seen as being very conservative and modest, have in fact historically been very flamboyant in the way they dress and present themselves, with the line between feminine and masculine clothing once being very thin. Again, although my intentions were good and the questions I was presenting were important, I don’t feel I went about it the right way. Although I did try to justify it at the time, I feel I shouldn’t have been presenting these people who may or may not have been LGBTQ+ as so, especially when suggesting that some monarchs who may have cross-dressed, could have in fact been transgender.

Aside from the artistic side my research greater deepened my understanding of the range and fluidity of gender and sexuality. Including gender non-conformation, gender-fluidity, gender-queer, demisexuality, polysexuality and being queer. At this point I was still confused about my own sexuality, but would tell people that I was just a straight ally. I remember being asked by both a classmate and university interviewer whether I identified myself as within the LGBTQ+ community and both times I answered no. Looking back, I wish I had said that I wasn’t sure, that I was confused. Because it is okay to not be sure and be confused, no matter your age.

After leaving school I was starting to look more at asexuality and wonder if I was on the ace spectrum. I didn’t think I was 100% asexual because I do want to be in a relationship, but maybe I just haven’t had the opportunity to explore that yet. I have been subscribed to Evan Edinger for about 5 years now and he has spoken openly about his own experiences and as someone who is on the asexual spectrum, specifically being demisexual. I started to consider that I could maybe be demisexual and watched more of Evan’s videos as well as reading about others who identified as demi. I felt comfortable with this label, it felt like it answered a lot of questions and gave an explanation for why I hadn’t experienced crushes like my friends for many years.

I then began to realise that if I was to imagine myself in a relationships, it could be with a guy or a girl, it didn’t really matter and maybe I was bisexual, or at least biromantic. This was something that I had considered in the past but I was only just accepting as a true part of myself.

I was able to go to my second London Pride in 2019, this time with my mum, sister and a couple of friends. We had a great time and I met and spoke to some incredible people. This further made me consider my sexuality and made me feel even more comfortable.

So, on New Year’s Eve of that year I came out as demi and bi to my friends, who were all very accepting and supportive. I am yet to come out to my family and I don’t really intend to, not because I’m ashamed or I don’t think they’d be supportive, in fact quite the opposite. Since going to pride, my mum has been very vocal in her support of the LGBTQ+ community and I feel that if I were to come out to her, she would make quite a big deal out of it, which as someone with anxiety who likes to live a reasonably quiet life, I don’t really want. I also never really talk to my family about my ‘love life’ and relationships, existent or not, so I don’t really feel the need to tell them this. If I was in a relationship with a girl, then yes we’d probably talk about it, but until them, I don’t intend on telling them.

Although I have come out, I still wouldn’t say that I am 100% sure my exact labels, but I think that’s okay. If I am asked I normally say that I am Queer as I find it sums up that I don’t identify as heterosexual without going into too much detail.

I think the main thing to take from my story is, it’s okay to not be sure about your identity. There is no age that you should have had your first kiss etc by. You do what is right to for you, maybe you’ll have the answer soon, maybe it’ll be a while, but that’s okay.

[hellocharliewalker]

Here we go

Momma begged me please Yes she got down on her knees Said 'You'll burn in that Mississippi sun' But I'm the only one that's standing here So Mama don't you have no fear I’m either last or I've already won..

Basics

Name: Charlotte “Charlie” Alexandra Walker Age: Twenty-Eight Gender/Preferred Pronouns: Female, She/Her Sexuality: Lesbian Occupation: Owner of “In their Words”, a local small book shop. Opened 6 months ago.  + Strong-willed, Intelligent, Loyal - Impulsive, withdrawn emotionally, loner.

[ phoebe tonkin, female & she/her ] did you know that CHARLIE WALKER was on full disclosure? yeah, apparently the TWENTY-EIGHT year old WRITER was hiding THAT THE TIME SHE SPENT IN PRISON AS AN ADOLESCENT WAS BASED ON A FALSE CONFESSION OF MANSLAUGHTER TO PROTECT HER BEST FRIEND. i never would’ve expected it from our resident ATONER. i wonder how they’ll deal with this, considering how LOYAL & IMPULSIVE they are. // written by jessie: twenty-seven, ast, she/her.

☽  "Take me down”  ☾

Tw: Death, Murder, Arson. 

Charlie had seen many people come and go from her life as a child. Her mother being the first to strike her memories. The woman had packed up and left after telling Nathan, her father, that she wasn’t happy - that life had more to offer her. All Charlie had her from her hiding spot at their bedroom door was that she and her father weren’t enough, that somehow they’d failed the woman. She’d been 6 at the time. She often thought of her mother as that, nothing more than a woman she’d once known. Diana Walker was dead to her for all intent and purpose. It was from then on that Charlie would go out of her way to make sure she was useful to people, in some way or another. It was only later that they would find out she’d been pregnant when she left, with a little boy, a half brother, one that Charlie would never meet. 

This is where her life would begin to take all the wrong turns. Twelve and already on the wrong track, she was sure the universe had been against her in some way. She still wasn’t entirely convinced that it wasn’t. Though she’d always been smart without trying that had lent her nothing in making the wrong choices in friends. One in particular she’d latched on to like the girl was a life line. She was adventurous, daring, brave and completely okay with breaking all the rules that she could. Just because they could, and she’d convinced Charlie that she could to. That she could make of the world what they wanted. She’d adored this girl. Loved her even. 

Too bad that would take her world away. She’d see a prison cell before her sixteenth birthday. It was supposed to be a simple dare - a quick thing - nothing more nothing less. They hadn’t planned on anyone being inside.  Redford was a rural town - one that had long ago fallen once it’s only machine factory had closed it’s doors, leaving it’s residents without work and moving away. The ones that had stayed were left with little options and their children with little to do other than get into trouble. One night, the two girls had broken into Charlie’s father’s whiskey while her was working at the station on a night patrol. A game of truth or dare had taken a turn for the worse when arson got involved. Charlie was reluctant, but assurances were made. “No one lived there, it was a shack. Nothing bad could happen.” More shots were taken. 

Charlie had chickened out. She knew setting a building on fire was a line she didn’t want to cross. There were things that could go wrong and even in her drunken state she couldn’t let herself. Her friend though - she’d dragged Charlie along to at least see the old house, with it’s broken shutters and dilapidated structure. No one could possibly live there. Not in many years. 

She remembers her hand being held as the doorway went up in flames, casting a soft glow over them both - until it was a blaze. They’d both stood there watching as the flames grew higher and before she could say they could leave, surely someone had seen the flames by then, It was too late. 

The flash of police blues flashed across the seen and a beam of light hit them. Her father of all people stared from behind the flashlight. Eyes full of disbelief and worry. He knew what they had done before they did. Mr Tucker, the local homeless man had set up camp in the old building. She would never forget the look in Nathan’s eyes that night.  Before she’d been able to think about it she reached into her friends bag and taken the lighter and fluid that went with it. She wasn’t 18, but her friend would be soon - she’d get in less trouble. Maybe not even that much. 

Oh how wrong she’d been once murder was mentioned her world spun out.  It was in prison that she’d found her love of books. It was in prison that she’d decided that caring too much about someone could lead you into oblivion. It was in prison that she decided she wanted a new life. a new start.  Since being released just after her 20th birthday she’d spent time in 6 cities, the last being San Francisco. There had been a small book store for sale with an apartment on the upper floor. It was the perfect hide away for her. 

She’d been there 5 months without incident. December 19th a single article brought all her dirty secrets to light. She didn’t understand - no one knew. She’d told no one. Her father had suspected but the young charlie had stood fast. She’d set that fire. She had killed that man - it was her idea for everything. 

How on earth had they found out? As far as she knew no one here knew her past. It was a big place though - Her family could be here. The woman and the boy. Or even her friend, the one she would have done anything for. 

☽  Wanted Connections  ☾

The Friend: Name UTP Face Claim: UTP feel free to message for suggestions Age: Thirty Sexuality: UTP - Though Charlie felt there was something there as a teenager.  Bio: Mostly UPT - They were the bad seed charlie latched onto because they made her feel alive and loved. Like she was needed for something. Maybe they offered each other that. 

☾

The Brother: Name UTP - they are half so don’t have to share the same last name Face Claim: UTP but should carry some resemblance.  Age: Twenty-Two Sexuality: UTP Bio: Completely UTP Charlie knows nothing about them, but has always attempted to find him. She’d spoken to their mother once after she was released from prison, but she’d told her she wanted nothing to do with her before charlie had even had a chance to ask about him. 

Will add more as I think of some. Feel free to message me if you have any ideas or would like to pick up one of the Wanted two. 

[nextcassie]

Your Scent 1

Summary: Nothing could have prepared you for the shit storm that was your junior year of college. Discovering you were an omega was only the first discovery in a long line of complicated ones. Thank goodness Min Yoongi was there to help.A story about college and discovering what you like and don't like in both romantic relationships and friendships.

Abo Au - University AU

Pairing: Main-Min Yoongi/Reader ; OT7/Reader

Chapter words: 4255

 | 2 |

Beginning A/N

. There are a few things though that I want to say before we kick off this story. One is that this story is going to be incredibly kinky, I am just making that clear up front. There won’t be any blood play or anything too hardcore, but it will be kinkier than the average story more than likely.

Two, for this story I intend for the reader to be a few things. One is that she is intelligent, but being intelligent doesn’t exempt people from making questionable decisions. Two is that she is not Korean, but is fluent enough to get into a Korean university, more of that will be explained throughout the story. Three is that she is a mixed race female with dark skin. Yes she has DARK skin. If you have an issue with that you can leave. However, I will more than likely leave the description of her skin color out of the writing because nothing turns me as a dark skin female off more than “his hands trailed down your pale skin”. I mention this because if you’re someone who uses that description in a reader insert, please stop.

Third is this is going to touch on a variety of different issues that I’m sure many people may disagree on. These are all going to have to do with race and sexuality more often than not. I’m not going to go into specific political issues, but if you are politically informed than you may recognize some of the stuff.

Lastly, at the beginning of every chapter will be warnings for the chapter in case content might be something that you may not be into or may cause incredible discomfort for some people. As well as need to know definitions and explanations for the AU in each of these chapters.

Warnings: : Drinking and smut

Gender Much like our world people are assigner a sex based on what genitalia they possess. Gender is the same as it is in our world people choosing to identify whatever they decide be it female, male, or fluid. However, in addition to these are sub-genders. Sub-genders are in a way something a person cannot choose, but many believe that the way a person acts is what determines these sub-genders when people present. The sub-genders are alpha, beta, and omega.

Enjoy the first chapter!

Your Saturday had started out like any other day. With a nice breakfast and you calmly looking at the news on your laptop. Unlike most college students your age, you were known for being incredibly calm and put together. Your professors had mentioned this more than once and your classmates generally commented on it any chance they got. For the most part, it was a good thing. However, you not being so ready to go out and do things often got those around you to try and drag you out to things.

Your two best friends Mark and Jackson often dragged you out of your dorm to go for runs in the morning. The only reason that you hadn’t gone today was because according to Jackson, Mark had started his rut and was in no shape to go running. Jackson wanted to go lift weights and you had no interest in being that sore the next day. So, the beginning of your day had been relaxing, but now it was anything but.

You lived with three other roommates. There was Sana who was a beta like you. The girl was unbelievably cute, but pretty out there now and then. Momo was your other roommate who despite being an alpha was oozing with ageyo. It was actually quite disgusting at times, but hard to resist. The last roommate was Tzuyu. She was a sharp-tongued alpha that you personally never wanted to mess with. It wasn’t like she was constantly threatening anyone, but she could definitely intimidate people with a meaningful glare. She was your newest roommate having moved in for her first year just earlier this week. She was already famous though for being incredibly beautiful.

The reason why you’re thinking about them is because you’re pissed at them. The three of them combined had managed to get you out of the house and to some ridiculous house party. Normally house parties weren’t the worst thing that someone could force to go to, that would be night clubs. However, it was because Momo and Sana wanted to try and set you up with an alpha that you had been crushing on. The only problem was that he was known to only date omegas.

You personally had no issues with being a beta. Some people liked it some people hated it. The only thing that was surprising was that you hadn’t gone into a beta heat once. Which meant that you were a late bloomer. It just happened that was all going to change later that night.

OOOOOOOO

“You’re cute, so I don’t think it will really matter if you’re an omega or not,” Momo said, sipping on her beer.

“Everyone is aware that Jinyoung only dates omegas,” you said. You were on your second drink of the incredibly strong punch that the party’s hosts had provided. By the time you finished this one, it would probably be enough, so that you were pleasantly buzzed.

“It doesn’t hurt to try right,” Sana said. She had a positive smile on her face as she tried to encourage you.

“It hurts my pride,” you stated. You downed the rest of the drink quickly looking for an excuse to escape your friends. “I need another drink. I’ll be right back.”

You made your way back to the kitchen, moving past the sweaty and hormonal bodies. When you go there you found Jinyoung pouring more vodka into the punch bowl. You should have known that this was his party.

“Hey (y/n) what’s up?” he asked once he noticed you.

“Getting more punch,” you stated. You cringed on the inside at how squeaky your voice sounded. “What about you?”

“Making more punch.” He paused for a moment and his eyes met yours. “Are you feeling okay? Your face looks a little red.”

You knew that at that comment your cheeks had probably become redder. You placed a hand to your cheek and felt that you were burning up.

“Uhh… I don’t think there’s anything wrong,” you replied.

Jinyoung set the bottle of vodka down and moved to press a hand to your forehead. You felt a wave of heat go through your body and felt the urge to present your neck to him. You swatted his hand away and Jinyoung gave you a surprised look.

“I’m going to pee,” you stuttered out.

You made a run for the stairs feeling that wave of heat happen again as you smelled the scent of chocolate and again at the smell of coconut. You had no idea what was going on, but your body temperature was increasing at an alarming rate and you felt yourself getting wetter.

When you reached the top of the steps your senses were invaded by the scent of fresh pine as you stared up at a man. Your mind screamed alpha as you looked into his dark eyes. His black hair framed his confused looking pale face as he stared down at you.

“Help…” you moaned at him.

OOOOOOO

Yoongi hated parties, especially house parties where one could accidentally walk in on some couple going at it. His normal plan of attack was to find an empty room and stay in it by himself until it was socially acceptable for him to leave. Perhaps if he was still an undergrad than he would enjoy them, but he was now a graduate student and felt no need to interact with the immature undergraduates.

However, Hoeseok had insisted that they go. He had backup from Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook, so that had left Yoongi with no chance of getting out of this.

Yoongi had been about to leave when a stumbling and scared looking omega had come up the stairs. His nose had been assaulted with the scent of peppermint as she stared helplessly at him with doe eyes. A scared omega was unfortunately not to uncommon at these parties, but this one definitely stood out. She was a foreigner which was something not to common in their university or at least western foreigners weren’t too common.

“Help…” her voice was weak and confused. Despite the scent of arousal rolling off her she didn’t seem to be asking him for help of the sexually kind.

Yoongi moved instantly without thought to help her. She was going into heat. This had to be one of the most dangerous places for her, where any drunk idiotic college asshole could try and take advantage of her.

“Get on my back,” Yoongi instructed.

The second he turned around the girl instantly flung herself onto his back clinging onto his favorite leather jacket like her life depended on it.

He began to make his way outside to the yard. Quickly weaving between the bodies that were probably starting to become aware of the omega’s intoxicating scent.

“Which building do you live in?” he asked. They weren’t too far away from campus. He could probably get her back before the worst of it hit.

“Alpha/Beta building four,” she replied.

Yoongi stopped. That was impossible. The girl was clearly an omega her living in that building would pose a threat to her safety. If she was mated she would be living in one of the mating buildings.

“Do you have anyone I can call for you?” Yoongi asked.

“Tzuyu…” you said.

Yoongi paused. That was one of the Alpha’s in Jungkook’s orientation group. That probably wasn’t a good idea. He knew for a fact that Tzuyu was unmated and didn’t have an omega.

“Do you have any omega friends that I can call for you?” Yoongi asked.

“Why? I should be fine with Tzuyu,” you mumbled. You moved your head into the crook his neck and Yoongi felt himself freeze as you inhaled his scent.

“You’re having an omega heat. You’ll be safest with an omega,” he stated.

“Alpha help me.” Yoongi felt a shiver go through his body at the sincere words.

The girl’s grip tightened around him and it was clear that the effects of the heat were surely getting stronger. He felt the girl slowly move to the point where she was nuzzling close to his scent gland and he felt like the contact was all too intimate for someone he didn’t know well and someone who didn’t really know what she was doing. As much as he would love to let her do it, he couldn’t. He skillfully adjusted her on his back away from his scent gland.

Yoongi tugged his phone out of his pocket and clumsily sent his location to a friend. It was a bit difficult with the death grip you had on his body.

Yoongi had always been known as an odd alpha. Alpha’s were normally tall and strong, stereotypically all muscle and no brains. They were known for being aggressive and able to dominate others at any time, so they were high on the dominance spectrum. However, the one thing that Yoongi prided himself on was his self-control that many alphas seemed to lack. With the way you were so trustingly nuzzling into his neck, just barely missing his scent gland, he was surprised that he hadn’t lost control yet.

“Yah, Hyung what was so urgent that you had to…” a voice yelled. Jimin had stop running toward him and glanced at the girl hanging off his back.

Jimin was an interesting person to say the least. He had the whole cute thing going for him, but there was something incredibly strong in his presence. Yoongi knew that Jimin had faced a lot of issues when he had found out he was an omega. He just didn’t fit the normal omega stereotype, not that Jimin really cared.

“What the hell is going on hyung?” Jimin asked.

“You still have that vacant room in your omega apartment, right?” Yoongi asked.

“Yeah…”

“She keeps telling me she lives in an Alpha/Beta building. Can you take her to your place for her heat?”

“Yeah… there’s no way that she can stay in an Alpha/Beta building. The girl reeks of omega.”

“No kidding,” Yoongi muttered. He was perfectly aware of how you smelled. He was also beginning to feel a buzz of arousal through him. “Do you think you can get her back by yourself?”

“Sure, it should be no problem,” Jimin responded. “Hi there you’re going to come with me. We’re going to get you to a nice safe place.”

Jimin reached out and tried to pull you away from Yoongi, but you merely tightened your grip on him and pressed closer into his leather jacket. Jimin kept cooing at you, trying to get you off him and you only held tighter on him, and Yoongi wasn’t sure what to do.

“Feel safe, don’t want to go,” you whispered.

Yoongi felt your words tug at his heart strings. He knew that no matter how much he prided himself on his control, he couldn’t guarantee that you would feel safe with him when this wave died down. You couldn’t give him consent at this point in time and he would take advantage of you if left long enough with you in heat like this.

“Listen, I need you to go with Jimin okay,” Yoongi started. “He is going to help you like I can’t right now. Go with him okay?”

Yoongi felt you loosen your grip on him and try to stand on your own, but you let out a loud moan and your legs gave out. Thankfully, Jimin was there to catch you, but Yoongi needed to get away. Your scent was becoming increasingly potent and he could feel a heat stirring in his gut.

“Hyung, your jacket,” Jimin said.

“What?”

“Give me your jacket,” Jimin said. “Your scent should be able to help her through this heat. I can get it back to you after she’s done with it.”

Yoongi hesitated for a moment, but peeled it off before tossing it to Jimin who caught it.

“Do you want me to walk with you there?” he asked.

“Normally, I would say yes, but Hyung.” Yoongi cocked an eyebrow at him. “You’re clearly aroused and I suggest you do something about it.”

Yoongi clicked his tongue. Damn hormones were out to get him.

OO00OO

What was this guy’s name? Jimin that was it. Your mind was kind of all over the place at the moment, but it could register that Jimin had taken you back to his dorm like the alpha earlier had said. He had set you in a room and had brought back pillows and blankets, but it was hard to stay focused. The burning and itching sensation you had felt earlier was downright painful at this point.

Beta heats were supposed to be mild and pass easily, but you had never imagined that it would be this painful. Sana had never had any issues with hers like this.

“Hey…” Jimin’s voice drew your mind from the thoughts. “(y/n), right?”

You nodded your head and moved to look at him. At this point though your vision was getting blurry and it was hard to focus on him.

“Do you understand me?” Jimin asked. You nodded your head at him. “Good. I’ve contacted your roommates and they know what’s going on. You’re having an omega heat.”

“But I’m a beta?” you replied.

“Yeah, that’s something we’re going to have to talk about when you’re a bit more with it. You’re having an omega heat and that means you need to orgasm or I’m going to have to take you to the hospital eventually.”

Despite everything you let out a bitter laugh. Why was this happening to you?

“How?”

“Excuse me?” Jimin seemed confused.

“How do I orgasm?” you asked. Was that the right word? God, you could tell your Korean was starting to go.

“You mean you never…” Jimin trailed off. “Umm… well shit. You just you know, touch yourself.”

You felt another painful burst in your body and you whimpered loudly. Okay this wasn’t going anywhere. The only thing that seemed to be happening was your body hurting more and slick noticeably starting to soak through your clothes.

“Can you I don’t know help me?” you asked. “Just the first time.”

“I don’t know if I—”

“Please,” you begged.

“Just the first time,” Jimin said.

You saw his blurred form move closer to you and suddenly the fresh scent of oranges filled your senses. Now that Jimin had moved closer you could make out more of him.

Jimin was most definitely built solid, he had to be to have gotten you over here, but that was now all the more obvious to you now. For the first time, you were looking at his face. He had a captivating face. His eyes were serious as he moved closer checking you for any doubt and his lips looked absolutely kissable. He was probably incredibly attractive, but right now it didn’t really matter as long as he helped you. He maneuvered himself, so that he sat behind you with his arms comfortingly wrapping around you.

“Okay… shit what do you? How should I?” He couldn’t seem to make up his mind what to do. “Are my fingers okay?”

“Yes, just please do something!” you whined out.

“But like are you really sure?”

“Yes!”

You heard him mutter something, but finally he slid his hand under your skirt. His hands felt almost cooling against your burning skin and you let out a loud moan when his fingers gently brushed over your clothed core.

“Okay, so I think the easiest way to get off for girls is probably to just stimulating the clit, so I’m going to do that,” Jimin instructed. “Light circles, slapping, pinching stuff like that. Maybe experiment and find out what you like?”

You wanted to yell at him to hurry up again, but his had finally slipped inside your panties and you were in heaven. Your head instantly thrown back on his shoulder as Jimin rubbed tight little circles on your clit.

“Oh, wow you’re wet,” he whispered in your ear. “Even for an omega you’re wet. You must really be feeling it.”

You moaned out a little agreement and he started rubbing circles faster and you felt yourself tensing and relaxing all at the same time as you could tell you were approaching your climax.

“God you’re beautiful,” Jimin said. You let out a laugh.

“I was thinking you weren’t so bad yourself,” you replied.

“What?” he asked. Shit you spoke in English. “Don’t worry just relax. You’re almost there.”

Your hands found purchase and gripped onto Jimin’s solid thighs as his fingers pressed down harder and moved faster over you.

“Come on move your hips with me,” he instructed. You complied right away and were rewarded with absolute bliss from the feeling.

It only took a few more movements and you were coming and whimpering at the clenching of your core. You felt dazed and the heat was still burning, but Jimin kissed your hair softly before moving away from you. You moaned at the loss.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t keep helping you,” he said. He brought over a jacket and the fresh scent of pine hit your senses. You instantly placed the jacket to your nose to inhale more of the soothing scent. “Breathe into this and do what I just did. I’ll bring you food and water, but you have to do the rest of it yourself. Okay?”

“Okay,” you responded.

“That’s a good girl.” You moaned at the endearment causing him to curse. “Whoever ends up with you is going to have to be careful not to spoil you rotten. If you need anything I’ll be right outside don’t worry you’re safe.”

With that Jimin left you to your own devices.

OO00OO

It was about four days later when you emerged from the room into the common area of the dorm sore and probably looking like a mess. Jimin was sitting at the counter with a book open and a cup of iced coffee. He offered you a small smile.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“A bit like I got hit by a truck,” you replied.

“That’s good and normal,” he replied. He paused for a moment. “So how are you taking the whole omega thing?”

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“Most people are disappointed when they turn out to be an omega. You know, wage gap and all those other things,” Jimin said.

“Ehh… It was unexpected, but I’m fine with it,” you replied. “The coolest person I know is an omega.”

“Coolest person you know?”

“My dad. My mom’s a beta and they had me kind of late in the game. Their relationship wasn’t too accepted at the time,” you answered.

Jimin paused for a moment looking like he wanted to press you for more, but he didn’t.

“So what are you going to do now?” Jimin asked.

“I guess, I’m going to have to go to the housing office and see if they have any open omega housing,” you answered. “Pick up my books and contact some of my professors. I missed the first two days of class, so I guess I should try to catch up.”

“Well, I hope you don’t mind but… I told the housing office you could stay here,” Jimin said. “I talked to my other roommates and they thought it would be fine. They’re actually pretty good friends with your roommates.”

“No that makes my life ten times easier,” you said. You offered him a small smile. “How soon can I move in?”

“Umm immediately if you can,” Jim said. “It’s uncommon, but sometimes a second heat can happen if an omega presents late. It would be better for you to move in here in case that happens.”

“It’s like I’m going through puberty all over again…”

Jimin chuckled at that.

“If you want I can call some of my friends to come help grab stuff if you want to go now.”

“No don’t worry about it…” You trailed off. “Do you happen to have my cell phone?”

“It’s in the living room charging. Sorry I used it to try and call people for you. You should really put a lock on that thing.”

“I’ve got nothing to hide,” you called, moving to the living room. You picked up your phone when you found it and dialed Jackson.

“Wei?”

“Xianzai ni mang bu mang?” you asked. (Are you busy right now?)

“Bu mang. Tzuyu gaosu wo ni shi yi ge omega. Ta shou huang le ma?” (Now I’m not busy. Tzuyu told me you’re an omega. Is she lying?)

“Dangrang ta bu shou huang le. Wo zhende shi yi ge omega. Wo xuyao bangjia. Ni keyi bang wo ma?” (Of course she didn’t lie. I’m really an omega. I need to move. Could you help me?)

“Keyi, keyi. Ji dian?” (Yeah I can. When?)

“Wo yao xizao. Xizao yihou wo gei ni da dianhua, hao ma?” (I want to shower. After I shower how about I call you to help?)

“Hao de.” (Sounds good.)

“Xie xie ni.” (Thank you.)

“Meishi.” (Don’t worry about it.)

You hung up the phone and turned around to see Jimin with his jaw wide open.

“You speak Chinese too?” he asked.

“I speak Mandarin well yes. I never quite got the hang of Cantonese though. My Mandarin is way better than my Korean.”

“Your Korean is really good though,” Jimin said. “A lot of foreigners have more of an accent when speaking, but yours is pretty unnoticeable.”

“Thanks, but I still have a lot to know.”

“You mean learn.”

“See I just proved my own point. Do you mind if I grab a quick shower?”

“Not at all. The green towel is mine so feel free to use it.”

“Thanks.”

You went to go shower and took a deep breath. This was weird, but you were going to have to get used to it.

OO00OO

“Baobei!” Jackson said. Without further ado, he gave you a bone crushing hug and the his somewhat metallic scent filled your senses.

“My friend is here so speak Korean,” you said, returning the hug so that he would finally let go of you. He didn’t though he just kept you in your arms.

“Oh hello!” Jackson said, noticing Jimin for the first time. "Jackson Wang. Nice to meet you!”

“Uhh… Park Jimin,” Jimin said, looking at you. He looked equal parts confused and worried. “Is this guy your boyfriend?”

“No. He’s really more of a family friend than my friend,” you replied. “I just called him because I needed some more muscle.”

“Aww don’t be like that.” Jackson finally removed his arms from around you. “I asked Mark to meet us at your old dorm. Hope you don’t mind.”

“That’s fine.”

“Shall we head out then?” Jimin said with a smile.

“Yeah… Ugh I hate packing things this is going to be a nightmare,” you said.

“Getting your heat for the first time at a house party is most people’s worst nightmare,” Jimin said.

“You got it at a party?” Jackson asked. “You went to a party? You never go to parties. Maybe this is some mystical force’s way of telling you that you shouldn’t party.”

You let out a scoff at that, but part of you agreed with him. The one time you went out you get your heat. Only something that terrible would happen to you, but it turned out just fine.

“Oh, (y/n) not to be pushy, but my friend really wants his jacket back,” Jimin said, with an awkward chuckle. “It’s his favorite one.”

“Like an alpha’s jacket?” Jackson asked. Jackson grinned at you and he rolled his eyes. “So, you’re finally interested in someone. Oho this is juicy gossip. Who does the jacket belong to?”

“I don’t know and I don’t really remember much, but he was nice enough to get me away from the party,” you said. “Please drop it Jackson. It’s still in the room I was in during my heat, Jimin.”

“Wait if you’re an omega and Mark’s an alpha does this mean the two of you are going to leave me alone to rot by myself?”

“Probably not,” you replied.

“Man I was really hoping you would finally get some or be motivated to get some,” Jackson said.

“Wow you’re really straight forward,” Jimin commented.

“Oh, this is him on his best behavior unfortunately,” you said. “He knows you need to like him, so that he can try to come over and eat all the food in our dorm.”

“You do like alpha’s though, right?” Jackson asked.

“Well…” you trailed off in thought. Your mind floated back to how Jimin had helped you at the beginning of your heat. “The only thing I know for sure is that omegas are also okay.”

Jimin choked on air as he must have realized what you had been thinking of. Jackson looked between the two of you. Before you could react, Jackson was already lunging at Jimin, pushing him against the wall.

“What the hell did you do to her you—” You hit Jackson over the head cutting him off.

“Nothing I seriously didn’t ask for. Calm down or you’re going to look like even more of an idiot.”

There were already quite a few students staring at the three of you. You pushed Jackson aside and grabbed Jimin’s hand, tugging him along.

“Seriously Jackson, you’re an idiot.”

“Baobei!” he whined.

“Jimin, can you please tell Jackson I’m not going to talk to him until he apologizes to you,” you said, turning to Jimin.

“Sorry Jimin…” Jackson muttered.

Jimin grinned at that.

“It’s amazing how well you trained him.”

“Oh Jackson is nothing, you should see Mark,” you said with a smile.

You guessed that this whole omega thing wouldn’t be that hard. Well not as hard as calculus was anyway.

[vsag23]

Venus in Scorpio. Mars in Libra.

Are these two planets in “detriment?”

What do you mean “detriment?”

Misusing their power, weakening their energies through negativity, trying to be who they are not?

Us modern folk hate this kind of psychologically invasive vocabulary. But Planets—teachers of soul lessons—do best offering certain courses, and not others, where the message just isn’t getting through. Rather than Scorpionic paranoia, shadow-processing, and control, the goddess Venus would rather be a harmonious diplomat, a pleasant partner in love with both her senses and her beloved. And rather than throwing his energy into a million relationships and uncertain directions in choosing not your own adventure, but everyone else’s distracted, parallel universe plotlines, Warrior Mars would be on his own quest, doing his thing rising to the top of society or riding the wild and primal machine of his beast wherever it lead.

Even though the God and Goddess are in ‘detriment’ during this Saturday’s New Moon at 26 Scorpio, whose sabian symbol speaks to the dangerous, but voluptuous potential between the Masculine, the Feminine, and the 50 Shades of Grey between: A MILITARY BAND MARCHES NOISILY ON THROUGH THE CITY STREETS

Enraptured, what clamor will you use now to reveal and ravage your soul contracts?

God Mars occupies Goddess Venus’ sign of rulership Libra, and Venus travels Mars’ sign of rulership, Scorpio. We call this unique alignment “mutual reception,” and it means the planets reinforce each other and blend their themes together, sharing a common goal, a unified purpose, which seem to be question gender, identity, and the medicine weapon we call sexuality.

Will the God and Goddess rescue each other now, or will they sabotage attempts at transcending duality, or will they collapses together as they make love, only to rise and grind again into that greater understanding?

Mars in Libra: Why didn’t you text me back? I mean especially after the way you kissed me – that wasn’t a surface, ‘let me get to know you’ kiss, that was a kiss you wished you would have said yes to in another lifetime, in hindsight, end of life review, because a different life, a deeper love, a meaning, would have erupted into being.

Venus in Scorpio: You don’t have to be so dramatic.

Mars in Libra: Dramatic?!! I prefer being romantic, but you love that sort of underworld drama queen thing, creating stories about me before you even think to ask a question, I’m a make-believe-image inside your projection. And How many Arrows have you unleashed into my breath – what I “should have our could have been?”

Venus in Scorpio: How many Hooks have you used to shape me into your manipulation? I can’t just wear some mask of happy-go-lucky couple when we’re working shit out!

Mars in Libra: And what about all those Suckers you used to feed off me?! You’ve grown in so much influence and power because of connecting with my friends!

Venus in Scorpio: You’re right, I have. I forget to express my gratitude for that.

Mars in Libra: Because you’re so busy being suspicious. We can’t even go out and have a chill time because there’s always some hidden layer, some crime investigation you have to make into your mission.

Venus in Scorpio: Look, you wanted the open relationship. I did not sign up for that.

Mars in Libra: You did. You wanted us to do the handfasting for 6 months, even though you knew you wanted a monogamous relationship, and I wanted freedom to appreciate whatever love blossomed in my presence.

Venus in Scorpio: You handfasted because you wanted to make promises you ‘thought’ you could keep, and I handfasted because I let you sleep in my bed. Again. And Again.

Mars in Libra: Between your legs

Venus in Scorpio: Into my head.

Mars in Libra: We’re talking about the Heart here.

Venus in Scorpio: We’re talking about why it’s ok for you to have so many lovers, and how, somehow, that does not take away from the depth of our connection, and our possibilities to really make some impact in the world together. We’re so much stronger together than on our own, but then you’re flirting over here, or on this trip over there, and making this excuse over there, but as long as it all ‘looks good,’ to everyone, then that’s enough.

Mars in Libra: I’m really attracted to the genius and beauty of many different people.

Venus in Scorpio: That sounds nice. Can’t you just make a decision, about anything, like choosing to be just with me?

Mars in Libra: I’m choosing to be in this conversation, although I feel like you’re setting a trap for me.

Venus in Scorpio: You don’t have to get upset.

Mars in Libra: “I’m not getting upset! I’m trying to keep the peace around here! Why do we have to process everything all the time? Can’t we just have fun and enjoy sharing our companionship without so much drama?

Venus in Scorpio: I’m feeling harassed. I told you when Jupiter was in Scorpio, all these ego-inflated jerks in politics and Hollywood, like Harvey Weinstein, were going to be exposed, all the skeletons come out of the closet. There’s no more hiding and no more shame now. And I’m also going to stand up for my rights as a woman!

Mars in Libra: Yeah, but you don’t know what’s like to be constantly intimidated by every woman I approach

Venus in Scorpio: You don’t know what it’s like growing up being a woman? All the ways we have to hide our beauty to prevent attention we don’t want, while every media bombards us with more ways to look younger and sexier and ‘get the guy.’ Try traveling as a single woman in India and see what it feels like to be prey in the eyes of another. Try to be a female athlete in a man’s sport, or CFO in a world of corporate suits who make you feel like any slight mistake you make will be scrutinized by microscope and threaten any position of power you may have thought you had.

Mars in Libra: I really hear you. Don’t you feel that I support you?

Venus in Scorpio: You can’t just strip down the soul to all its naked vulnerability with everyone. I feel like you’re afraid, so I can’t trust, but you wanted to rush. Didn’t we talk about being twin flames, didn’t you say I was “the One?”

Mars in Libra: Maybe it’s just a quicksand dance to speak of ‘twin flames?’ There’s so much expectation in that.

Venus in Scorpio: Is every label a limitation or does it give us a structure to build our foundation?

Mars in Libra: I feel I’m supposed to be some version of “masculinity” that makes you feel so ‘feminine,’ when you don’t even know what that means. I’m not ‘macho enough,’ or muscular enough, or protective/providing enough? You can’t say you want all these things and then you want some gender equality. Why don’t you protect me, curl me into your womb, your bedtime spoon? Gender and sexual preference are both so hyper-conditioned growing up, from the clothes were given in the crib to the toys under the Christmas Tree to the sports we are or are not pushed to play. I’m sick of just being the product of my parent’s and my society’s conditioning. Couldn’t we just give our kids all the options without pushing our own agendas and our dystopian dreams?

Venus in Scorpio: I know. I’ve often thought that the most intense transformation we could have on this planet is to reinstate sexual rites of passage, like so many indigenous cultures have. Most of our screwed up relationship dynamics are because we get almost zero education on how to love and how to make love.

Mars in Libra: And our first sexual experiences are drunk or under pressure to be liked, and they lack any sacredness or real intentional heart-connection. The only education we get is about STD’s and its all fear based.

Mars in Libra: Could it be that: sexual harassment and predatory behavior comes form a lack of integration of one’s masculine and feminine….being able to experience the balance of that…so an Image an Ideal is projected outside of oneself, and then behavior towards that becomes distorted, becuz it’s the unprocessed feminine, the aenima in the man, or the unintegrated masculine in the woman, the aenima?

Venus in Scorpio: I wonder how much of this harassment of women would stop if more men would just allow themselves to be penetrated.

Mars in Libra: You mean….physically, down there…?

Venus in Scorpio: Of course. All men need a spicy dose of Kali right up their ass about now. Why haven’t we done that yet? You say you’re so open, but what are you afraid of? Didn’t you once tell me you gotta lose control to find freedom? Does it mean you’re gay if you like anal sex? No, it means you like a particular sensual experience.

Mars in Libra: I get what you’re saying. I mean the problem with Gender, Sexuality, all of it is that every label we put on it limits our freedom to just experience. It’s why I always hated the term “boyfriend” and “girlfriend,” so loaded with 6 trillion different meanings. Just be what we are, and if there’s someone else in the mix, then we better learn how to communicate transparently what our agreements are, and to be direct with our desires and our boundaries.

Venus in Scorpio: Easier said than done. It’s more complex when you start sharing resources with another, whether that’s finances, home, or bodily fluids.

Mars in Libra: I’m not co-dependent. I’m interdependent.

Venus in Scorpio: Yes, right. But I do often wonder about 20 years, 50 years from now…Will we look back at the Binary of Gender as a kind of dinosaur experience? A remnant of 20th century humans that lingered far too long into the 21st century?

Mars in Libra: I mean with wild revolutionary, surprise surprise innovative mad scientist Uranus in Taurus for the next 8 years, we’ll live so virtually that we can ‘wear’ whatever kind of body we want…including the opposite sex, both sexes, new hybrid sexes, animal bodies, mythical creatures….and we’ll be able to have these simulated lovemaking experiences through Virtual Reality – these already exist.

Venus in Scorpio: Mars, let’s stop all this process. Shut up and Kiss me

Mars in Libra: What took you so long, goddess? Just let me in. All the way. In.

source: https://findyourpowerplaces.com

[derangedroyalfae]

Jan 17, 2019 10PM

Royal (11:37 AM): Nightmare ~a character of mine~...is the fuckey part of my brain...to say the least

The chaotic, nightmarish part of my thoughts where everything goes to derp and hell and probably derp hell

You know...Nightmare was one of my other clues to my own gender identity...

One of those things from my past that I didn’t think of, especially in the moment, and then you look back and think “oh wait...wow, hey...it’s another one of those sign things”

That needs some explanation, huh?

Hummingbird (11:48 AM): just a smidge

Royal (11:56 AM): The Nightmare of C.S.R. AKA Everyone’s Worse Nightmare AKA Nightmare, was this almost incredibly dark OP marysue-esque character that was initially made for crossover and “what if” situations that just got really fuckey and bad. Nightmare has no true universe, but of course allegedly has an incredibly fucked up and tragic and yet so OC cluster fuck backstory. They mainly inserted themself in popular media, things that weren’t my own stories, but eventually made their way into mine and definitely had a lot of interactions with me.

In fact, there’s an ongoing thing that we have a love/hate relationship, where I hate her/them and they/she likes to fuck around with and joke that she’s the only one who can have me. However, there are hints that Nightmare is technically me, or a persona or mockery of me (she wears wigs and color contacts underneath are my natural hair and eye colors, though she somehow has another wig and contacts under that with her original colors, her shoes always change her height to make her look taller than me but she’s actually my height, her chest size etc).

But, Nightmare has more than one form, hence why I’ve switched between her and them, cuz there’s also a male form of Nightmare.

Someone who was allegedly me but very fluid with their gender (but was primarily/by default female)

Hummingbird (11:58 AM): ah kk. I think I get it now

Royal (12:00 PM): I created her back in grade school, they’re an incredibly old character of mine, so even back then I had a representation of myself as both gender, even if it was supposed to be a “me” that I am embarrassed by, ashamed of, and hate

I think in its own weird way, it counts as a hint

There was a big phase in my life where I was very attached to Nightmare and was almost inseparable to them, they had so much going on and invaded so many drawings and thoughts. They were...important in their own way. So it’s not just like “oh this oc I had once that was Me was fluid.” It’s something I invested a lot into.

Their sexuality was pretty on par to mine too...

It’s just something I never thought about, because I was so young I wasn’t even considering my own sexuality at that time, let alone gender

Psychologically analyzes self

(12:33 PM): I’m thinking of bleaching my own roots, since I can’t exactly afford the luxury of a professional

Hummingbird (12:59 PM): sorry I just got back to my desk

Royal (1:05 PM): You is good

So I totally got away with wear size 10 or so men’s boots today

I just put my comfort insert things in and little socks at the toes and there was any big problems

Kitty (3:26 PM): I can help with the hair dye. I've helped Lapis do hers before ^-^

my hands were blue for a couple days, but it was worth it, lol

Royal (6:07 PM): Why didn’t you wear gloves???

Sorry I was so quiet, both Nurd is super sick (my ma took him to the hospital) and I was doing that project that I wanted the eyepatch for

Kitty (6:08 PM): I did, the hair products dissolved them 

Royal (6:08 PM): He thinks he has food poisoning, but I think it might be something more like a flu

Kitty (6:08 PM): Does he have a fever?

Royal (6:34 PM): Don’t know

But 

Hummingbird (6:34 PM): oh. I hope he is ok

Royal (7:08 PM): So like, Bunny is cane to me like “can I speak candidly to you” and goes off on this tirade about how she thinks I should talk to Nurd about not doing this wait since it’s apparently a 2-3hr wait and the bathrooms are closed and there’s no where to sit etc. and how there’s usually nothing hospitals can do for food poisoning or for flu (??? What???) and I’m like “so you want me to call him up and convince him to come home?” And eventually she was like “don’t bother” kind of thing and then as she walked away was like “is there a reason you didn’t go with them?” And I responded with the truth that I was doing something, but to be fair, it’s not like I expect Nurd to come with me for every single one of my appointments

But do you guys agree with there being “nothing they can do” in regards to food poisoning or flu? Like, they stick an IV in him to help him hydrate, that’s something and helpful (at least for me it was) but she’s acting like it’s a waste of time

Kitty (7:10 PM): They could induce vomiting or give him activated charcoal

Royal (7:10 PM): He is vomiting up a storm already

Kitty (7:10 PM): That's probably a good thing, if it's food poisoning(edited)

Royal (7:10 PM): He’s vomiting just from drinking water

Also, what was she suspecting with her question as to why I didn’t go???

Cuz she come back when I hadn’t answered right away, hand propped up in the door way like she caught me in my bs or something

Sorry, I digress. Do you think I should do something? Like, my ma didn’t talk to me about what’s going on, but clearly she said something to Bunny...

Alright, I called my ma and it’s just Bunny being...Bunny

And now Bunny’s texting me 

Doesn’t she ever get tired of this cycle? Been the same damn thing for the last 20 years. She throws a fit or starts something or goes out of line and then response with “I’m sorry, I know I came off as bad” shpeal and it just gets so old

Like I can appreciate someone owning up and apologizing, but when it’s this damn frequent it’s like “don’t even bother apologizing”

Hummingbird (7:17 PM): Yeah... She seems like she is just looking for trouble

Royal(7:18 PM): Like, when she talked to me, I was like “did mom say something in regards to her thinking he shouldn’t wait” and she just dodged around and when I asked if mom tried talking to him, Bunny said Nurd is just being his overdramatic difficult self

Like, Nurd tends to listen to my mom’s advice

Kitty (7:22 PM): She's just mad that she's not the one getting attention right now

Hummingbird (7:22 PM): That or she is try to make drama where there isn't any

Royal (7:23 PM): She is like “if it’s a big enough deal that he’s in emergency room, you should be there, not mom, she’s not his girlfriend”

I honestly thought they were just going to urgent care, not the emergency room

Royal (8:01 PM): Woooooooooooooooow

Hummingbird (8:02 PM): yeah.. wow

[achublesumi]

Gay Pride Month 2018: I am Fluxsexual

So, I've decided to write about my pride, but not the boastful "Oh I'm perfect," pride. I'm talking gay shit. I don't know if that's really any better, but, honestly, it's one of the bigger facets of my being. I had always been gay and trans. Some of the earliest memories was me dressing as a boy, trying to pee standing up. They are memories I smile at and remember fondly, though I also have the scary, anxious memories as most of us LGBTQI people do. Remembering things like having my mom tell me I need to get a training bra (it literally wrecked my world because I had always seen myself as more masculine). Having to come out over and over again every time I found out something new about myself. That's always nerve-wracking.

So, I'm coming out again. Or, at least, explaining my seemingly complicated sexuality and gender. Do I need to? No, but I want people to understand me. I want to be open to those that have inquiring minds, or even harsh words. I want ignorant people to read this and scream at their god about how sinful I am. At least they now have some knowledge of our struggles as a community, even if they act like they don't. The main point is, this is for me. I don't care what others have to say or what they think. This is me. This is for those that wish to get to know me and to scare off those that thought they did. I don't need negative people who can't accept my fluctuating self. I am a creature of the universe and I will forever keep changing and growing. Get over it. #sorrynotsorry

I'm water, okay.

My gender and sexuality have changed many times. I started as a "straight", unknowingly-trans-cis female who didn't even really believe gay people existed. (Long story short, I had a very religious sperm donor who preached the words of his god and said how bad gay people where.) As I went through elementary school awkwardly I had a bad experience with a cis-male person. (I will need to write about it another time.) It left me fearing cis-male persons (and maybe even others). Though I didn't realize this fear until I was in high school. So, not knowing it was fear I chalked it up to hating men. Which I gave into. I would say things like, "All men are terrible/mean/gross/other means adjectives." I then just started saying I was a lesbian, cis-female throughout most of my high school years. I dated a female friend of mine eighth grade year, though our relationship was secret except to friends. People still somehow heard or assumed and picked fun at us. It was difficult. That was the first time I came out to my mom too. It was a very anxiety filled build up only to be told, "That's nice." I believe I eventually told her I was lesbian, but she would always tell me to, "Do whatever made me happy." I had also met my first actual gay person in seventh grade. At the time, she was a lesbian and talked about her girlfriend. I believe that got the wheels turning for me.

My freshman year of high school I was more "out". I would wear rainbows, but I was still a little nervous when others asked me about it. I had wanted to join my school's GSA, but was too nervous about it at the time. I also had a "boyfriend", but I never saw him because of the fear I was hiding. I avoided him like the plague and any guy that said they liked me. I would purposefully take a longer route to get to class to avoid any guys in that category. Eventually, though, I had to go to the library with a friend. He was there. My heart and mind started racing, I started sweating. I froze as he came towards me and wrapped his arms around me. I was like a scared rabbit or deer. If you had felt or heard my heart, you would have thought it was going to explode. He tilted my head up and kissed me, but all I did was freak out more. I buried my head in his chest and wrapped my arms in a vice like grip around him. I was internally freaking out. I literally didn't know what to do. Typing this now and remembering is giving me the same panicked feelings. Luckily, my friend must have noticed or felt how freaked out I was and grabbed me from him to drag me somewhere else. My savior. I don't know what happened to him, but I never saw him again after that.

I started going to anime conventions a lot with a friend as well and meeting people through that. I started dating a girl we had met at one of those events. She was nice, but lived in Phoenix. And had a boyfriend. She had, of course, cleared me with him first, so that was fine. I didn't mind at all. My first experience with an open relationship. That ended with her cheating, of course. We did try again after, but ended it about a month in. Distance is a killer for me. I also dated that same friend from before (my savior), though, looking back, I feel she is more asexual/aromatic. We broke up soon after dating.

I was a band geek as well, but only sophomore and junior years. Being in band is much like being in a really weird, sexually charged family. Especially with so many of us going through puberty and trying to find ourselves. A few guys in the band liked me, but I eventually became relaxed with it. They didn't do anything unless I told them it was okay. But I was still "lesbian". I had a couple weird experiences with guys through out my high school years, but I brushed them off as flings. I never had sex (and didn't until after I graduated HS). I also dated quite a few more females. Most, again, cheated on me. Sigh.

Through the Gay Straight Alliance club I was president of from sophomore to senior year, I was introduced to the Gay Lesbian Education Network (GLSEN) who would organize a little seminar for GSA's in Tucson. That was where I found the terms genderqueer and genderfluid. I feel I still embody both of those terms. I have feminine and masculine qualities, but I am also fluid through all sorts of genders. They also had meetings in Tucson to plan things like that and our GSA would go often and try and participate the best we could. I was also able to go to a retreat they put on up in NY right outside of NYC. It was a wonderful experience. It was where I had met my first trans people that were looking to transition. It was very eye opening. Hearing their stories started stirring something in my brain. This was the summer before senior year and I was 17 years old.

Though I had come to accept myself as gender queer/fluid, I had never really thought of myself as trans. I think it's because I really only thought of transsexual, as most people do. The night before we were supposed to leave, I had a break down. I sat outside on some grass and just started crying as realization set in. I had always been trans and I could actually see myself transitioning into a male. I don't think I was sad or scared from that, I was just sad because it had been repressed for so long. That, and the fear I had tried so hard to push down came bubbling up. I didn't hate men, I feared them. That ended up helping me define my sexuality as pansexual. I was able to go as Addem the next day as well as use male pronouns. It was so refreshing and felt nice. During senior year, my friends called me male and Addem sometimes. I was even marked absent one time because I was dressed and looked so masculine a substitute teacher would not accept me as who I was! I came out to my mom as well. She took me to a department store and bought me all kinds of male clothing. It was a better response than I could have asked for. Though everyone did not respect my pronouns and what not, I was still just happy. Sure, I had some kids make fun of me throughout my high school career, but kids are just dicks in general.

As an adult, I've also fluctuated. I had sex with a male at 19. We dated for almost 5 years and were even engaged. Though I had always wanted to have sex with a girl first, I was fine with the experience. I had told him I was into open relationships and he didn't seem opposed (when he actually was). I had met a few girls off of Craigslist (yes, I was one of those). We didn't really do much but hang out a few times, but it was still nice. Eventually, my fiance invited another female out for a night of drinking and sex with my first girl happened. She was ideal physically, though she really was not there to be my partner. She wanted just A as a partner, so we ended the relationship. Though she was the one that introduced me to FetLife. I was also on antidepressant/anxiety meds and put myself on Depoprovera shots. My sexual urges took a nose dive. Besides that point, A making me feel gross as a female and never respecting my gender identity. We didn't have sex often and I guess that made him feel I didn't love him? Thanks for the talk...

I got a coworker of mine into FetLife and going to meets. We played with her a few times and she expressed she was interested in being in a relationship with us. There was a couple of others we were in a temporary relationship with that ended soon after we started dating her. We'll call her AB. She had lied the whole time and just wanted A, to no surprise. What was surprising is how they cheated (there's a writing about them somewhere).

Now, my current partner(s), one of which is my spouse (@ekelarsons). Arson is an amazing human being and has helped me grow and express many of my suppressed dimensions. I'm able to say no without feeling bad. I am allowed to dress masculine and be called male pronouns. He uses my preferred pronouns which are "They/Them". It's beautiful.

Now, the point! I am water. I am forever fluctuating, flowing, bending, changing. "My sexuality is as fluid as my gender." is always something I like to say. I go from being hypersexual one week/day/minute to being completely asexual the next. I prefer female bodied partners, but have never been with a MTF person nor a FTM. Cis-males (and maybe FTM?) still scare me to no end, though I am sometimes sexually attracted to them (though older men scare me most, probably because I relate them to my sperm donor). I am usually demisexual with men, but sometimes I just want asexual relationship with one. I am usually highly sexually attracted to most female bodied people, but I get scared or nervous when being sexual with them (though I have had sex with women more than men). I also do this thing where I tell people I have a crush on them so if nothing can happen, I get over the feelings more quickly. I am an enigma. I am complex. My sexuality, gender, and attraction fluxes.

I am gender queer/fluid. I am fluxsexual. I am coming out once again with this term I was trying to make up, but also see others using on the internet. It fits since omnisexual is actually differently defined than what I was using it as.

Thanks for reading. :)

[sparklefayritalemoda]

Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance? No, I kinda think it is nice to not have that cosmic significance but still be significance to some people in the world.  

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known? Yes, places (maybe I’ll have a chance to visit them at some point) but people definitely.

Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? I dunno. I wish there would be, but my rational mind tells me no.

Do you place any value in gender roles? No not really. I care about the person, their soul and if there are a decent human being and that’s where I put my value. Not saying that gender roles don’t have any value.

Do you have to be related to be family? Family is more than blood.

Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones? A few of them yes.

Are you in love? Do you want to be? No and yes want to be, but tbh I dunno really. It would be nice I guess.

Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation? Not really sure. I think you can put it into categories but in the end love is a general sensation.

Would you be happy with a life without romance? No, cause I would also miss all the romantic songs, poetry etc. Which make the world a bit better.

Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody? I think so yes, once you love somebody you will always love them somehow, even just a bit. I think the memory plays an important part in that case.

Would you change your appearance if you could? No.

Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.? I dunno, don’t think so. I mean if there’s a magical world def yes.

Do you believe in reincarnation? Not really.

Would you want to be reincarnated? No, one life is enough in the end I would say.

Do you think you’re special, or just another

person amongst billions? Can you be both? One can be both. I think everyone is special in their unique way and no one is insignificant. But if you’re looking at the bigger picture, we are not that significant anymore, and become more or less a person amongst billions. I think in general people shouldn’t take themselves so seriously all the time, not everything resolves around them.

Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem? Yes. Recent events showcased how important it is to do that.

Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? Not that I can remember.

Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? Not very, but sometimes it is nice to have a god to talk to. No, I don’t think so.

If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why?

Do you want a grand adventure? Yes. That would be nice for a chance.

Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different? Yes. I actually have a full list of people haha.

How long does it take you to fall in love with somebody? Is the sensation of ‘falling in love’ or ‘being in love’ better? I dunno how long it would take as I’ve never really been in love before. Both I think, they are just different sensations.

Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both? Depends. But I would like to think it is about something more.

Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality? I think so, but I’m not sure. The question is does anyone know himself/herself fully?

How fluid is your concept of gender and sexuality? I mean I don’t live gender fluidity (I see myself as she/her) but I try to understand the general concept as best as I can.

What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far? Moving to Shanghai (well my parents decided that but it was very life changing)

Are you afraid of growing old? No.

Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century? No I don’t think so. I come to the decision that when I die, I die and to live forever must be exhausting.

Do you believe in some form of god/s? Yes, my god.

Are your choices fated or of your own free will? Free will.

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die? No thank god not, that would be awful and so unsettling to know and be right about.

Do you believe in star signs? Yes I do. And sometimes I find they are true indeed.

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult? I dunno, I think there is no real age to define if you’re an adult or not. I know people who are older than others and behave like toddlers. So I cannot really say.

Was your childhood happy? Yes, very happy. For me most wonderful childhood I could have.

What are you missing from your life? I dunno, success maybe and financial independence. And also beeing truly me. But knowing the circumstances it is very difficult in the moment and it will come with time ( I hope).

Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? Yes and yes. Was really funny and interesting.

Do opposites attract? Yes they do, otherwise magnetism would be just a fluke.

Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago? No not at all. But that’s the nice things about life, always surprising.

Do you know what you want out of life? Being me the most possible, also being truthful and honest.

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’? Having courage and being kind. Not fully, is anyone really? It depends on which side you act on.

What fundamentally matters do you? Love, success, peace and joy to be super cliche.

Is freewill an illusion? I dunno, if it wouldn’t be at least it would be a good illusion. But I guess there are also some rules and laws that restrict freewill. Maybe we’re also living in a matrix, who knows.

Do you create art? How do you define art? Yes I do create art. For me it is in everyday life, like in poetry, beauty, romance. It can be anything, and it is the thing we stay alive for (like Robin Williams once said).

How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful? Generally I am truthful, though sometimes I lie so I won’t hurt other people and I also lie to myself sometimes which is the worst I think.

Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for? I dunno, maybe by just the people who are close to me. And I think for being me the best way possible, having courage and being kind.

Is true world peace ever possible? No, I don’t think so.

Do you have to suffer to truly understand the human condition? What is the human condition? How can you really experience it? Ugh I dunno. I guess to experience it is to live.

Are you free? Will you ever be? Can anyone be truly free? I feel free, not hundert percent but very. But I think no one can be truly free, cause that implies living with no law etc. and that is impossible or not wanted at least.

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yes, meaning I am my worst critic. But otherwise no, I’m no better than anyone else.

What do you expect from a friend or partner? Being truthful, good listener, understanding, trustworthy, kind, humourfull, accepting, tolerant.

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person? How do you see yourself?

Do you justify all your beliefs or have you just inherited/absorbed some?

No, def inherited and absorbed some as well.

Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? I dunno tbh, nothing comes to my mind this minute.

Can human really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time? No, I believe it goes behind our understanding. And maybe it is nice for a chance to now know everything in the world.

Is a conscious what makes someone a person? Yes, at least it plays a part in it.

What do you think about artificial intelligence? It is a very handy, interesting tool. Of course useful, but should be treated careful, cause it also can be dangerous as it is offering unlimited possibilities almost.

Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing? Yes I think so, esp. during the recent times during Corona. We all need escape from time to time and it is nice. I don’t think it is a bad thing, I escape into books. As long as it is in an healthy relation to your real life.

Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity? No I don’t think so. But would be interesting to know or at least to try to find it out

What do you think the next era of music will be like? Different than this one.

What do you think the next era of fashion will be like? Same as 59.

Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them? I think they seem so strange cause we live in them.

Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them? No I don’t want to meet any.

How confident are you, really? I would say very. But not too much, an healthy amount.

How consistent is your perception of time? It varies tbh but mainyl consistent.

What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote? Age 16 seems right. But I mean in Germany you’re allowed to vote with 18, so I guess this is a good age as well. Children no, they don’t understand politics.

How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’? A bit weird as it can lead to many misinterpretations in harmful ways.

What’s the worse thing a person can be? Being unkind and simply rude, a monster.

How do you feel about monogamy? Interesting, and I mean isn’t it the concept of marriage? To marry someone for live until death parts them.

Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else? Yes I think so.

What’s the tragedy of your life? So far that my grandmother died and didn’t get to see all the milestones of her grandchildren.

Would your life make a good play? Maybe, I dunno.

Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time? No. But I can’t fully judge that.

Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? A bit yes. But I see myself more as a citizen of the world.

Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect? Yes. It should be a given.  

Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent? Yes I do, for the people that cared for me. I guess give back what they gave to me, unless it harms you or your family/friends too much.

Do you crave approval and/or praise? Sometimes yes. Not all the time though.

Is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy? Depends.

Are you ever going to be satisfied? No I don’t think so. But depends what kind of satisfied as there can be different ones.

When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy? First music that conveys my emotions and than something that makes me happy.

Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time? Everything at any time.

Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)? If it is a very good friend of mine yes..

Are you a deep person? Yes, 1000%.

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it? I would think about it and maybe yes.

Are you who people think you are? I dunno how good people know me, but I would like to think no.

Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion? No I don’t think so, pretty happy with my life so far.

What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it? Biting my nails and I should start fixing it.

Do you anger easily? No.

Are you a jealous person? No. But depends on the subject.

If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality? No.

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it? No.

Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate? Yes but very different. Atm no one really, I try to stop hating people as it is just nasty business and takes a lot of energy.

Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn?

Yes, I speak English, German and Chinese. I dream mostly in German, sometimes English and I would love to learn Italian, a bit more Chinese and maybe Hebrew.

Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them? Yes sometimes I do.

How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately? Unconditionally, gently, quietly.

Is unrequited love real love? No, as it is one sided. But then again someone feels love so I guess it can be real.

Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? I dunno, tbh I don’t think so, but I don’t care that much. As long as I know who I am, I’m good.

Are you overly analytical? Usually yes. I think and analyse all the time, sometimes more, sometimes less.

Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation? Rarely.

Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious? I believe in magic but I am not superstitious.

What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in? I belive that life has its way of showing you whats good and not good for you and it leads you in the right direction. What you make of it, is your responsibility (to a certain degree, many things just happen you cannot be responsible for) and it does not have to be the right time as well. But I believe in a greater power and that in the end everything will be fine, otherwise it is not the end.

[maryanntorreson]

Some advice on coming out

Thoka Maer

“In a perfect world, I believe that members of the LGBT community shouldn’t have to come out,” says New York high school student Amanda Gundel in a 2018 TEDx talk. “We should all be able to co-exist in our little bubbles and go out and do our own things.”

Unfortunately, we don’t yet live in that world, and LGBTQ+ people continue to face the pressure to come out.

What’s more, coming out isn’t a one-time act. After you come out for the first time, you’ll probably have to keep coming out to new people — new friends, new coworkers, new family members — for the rest of your life. This can feel overwhelming, so it’s crucial to take it one step at a time.

While there is no simple formula, there are people in the queer community who are glad to share their experiences as a guide.

Below, Gundel, now a writer and student at Binghamton University in New York, and queer therapist Daniel Tehrani, whose NYC psychotherapy practice at the Institute For Human Identity focuses on gender, sexuality, trauma and substance abuse, provide some insight:

1. Sit with yourself

We live in a society where heterosexuality is the norm. In fact, most people you meet probably assume you’re heterosexual and also cisgender (your gender identity matches the biological sex you were assigned at birth).

Queerness is an exception to these norms, so queer people can often end up questioning themselves and wondering how they fit in. In the coming out process, taking time for self reflection is important because it gives you the opportunity to define yourself on your own terms.

“The Q, or Questioning, part of LGBTQIA is so important, because we are all ‘Q’, or Questioning before we are firmly gay or lesbian, etc.,” explains Tehrani. “Whether it was for one second or several years, there was a moment where we thought, ‘I don’t know.’ That’s in part due to the fact when we grow up, we’re told we are straight, without being able to really think ‘Wait, what? Am I actually straight?’”

So step one is to sit with yourself. Consider who you are outside of all your social, cultural and familial expectations. In a world that is quick to tell us who we are and who we should love, reconsidering and reclaiming your own identity can be a radical act of self love. Ask yourself what your truest wants, needs and feelings are.

2. Come out to yourself

Stand in front of a mirror, recommends Gundel, and “look into your own eyes and come out to yourself.”

This might sound unnecessary — isn’t the whole point of coming out to be out to other people in the world? Gundel explains: “If you can’t bring yourself to say it when no one is around, there’s no way you’ll be able to go further than this step.”

Maybe you’ve known you are trans since preschool. Maybe you started to question your sexuality in your 60s after your heterosexual marriage ended. Regardless of where you are in life, the most important person to come out to is always yourself. Start there, and hold yourself with patience and kindness. “Be patient with it, and don’t rush it,” says Tehrani.

3. Come out to a pet or a plant

Next, practice coming out to something that lacks the ability to judge, such as your dog, cat or plant.

“The great thing about coming out to your pet is they really couldn’t care less; your pet will still want affection from you,” says Gundel. “No matter what you tell them, it won’t affect them in the slightest.”

Tehrani agrees. He says, “If you have a cat, dog or goldfish and say to it, ‘I’m gay,’ it’s still gonna be like, ‘OK, do you want to cuddle? Do you want to give me a treat? Do you want to go for a walk?’ They really don’t care, which is something our human family members could learn from.”

4. Find a support system

Now that you and your non-human companions know you’re queer, it’s time to find your crowd.

“This is the most important step, and I cannot stress this enough — you must find people around you who will love you, regardless of your sexual orientation or your gender,” says Gundel. “It’s toxic to be around people who will not accept you. Get away from those people, if possible, and surround yourself with others.”

Of course, finding your crowd — the strangers who become friends and eventually form your chosen family — is not always easy. Don’t feel discouraged if the people you reach out to don’t immediately welcome you, says Tehrani. He explains, “People who are members of the queer community may have their own difficulties and traumas, and they’re trying to figure things out just as you are.”

He suggests you search for local events held by LGBTQ+ organizations, follow queer activists on social media (you can find them via hashtags or through queer celebrities’ accounts), and if you’re a student, join your school’s Gay Straight Alliance (GSA) to connect with your peers and access resources.

On the value of finding your crowd, Tehrani notes, “Coming out is kind of a dance with shame — ‘I have the shame of being a person who represents a marginalized community that is literally targeted by governments, by society, by religious organizations, by peers, by bullies. I’m a person with a target on my back, and I’m ashamed of this.’”

His advice: “A really good way of reducing shame is by knowing a lot of queer people, loving them and thinking, ‘OK, if they’re not ashamed of being who they are, why should I? They’re not that different from me. I love them, they’re so important to me, and I would never want that pain for them.’”

It’s sometimes easier for us to empathize with others than with ourselves. By befriending, supporting, accepting and loving people in the queer community, you’re also telling yourself that you’re worthy and deserving of friendship, support, acceptance and love.

5. Come out to someone in your crowd

After you’ve found your crowd, the next step is to open up to them about your sexuality or gender identity. During the coming out process, your physical and emotional safety should remain your priority, and revealing yourself to someone in this group should keep you safe.

6. Come out to someone outside your crowd

If and when you come out to someone who’s outside your crowd, both Tehrani and Gundel suggest you take your time to decide whether it’s the right person and the right time to say something. Sound them out: Ask them about their current feelings on LGBTQ+ rights, or mention a queer celebrity who’s posted something supportive on social media. This can help you decide who to come out to first.

Again, your physical and emotional safety should be in the forefront of your mind. Tehrani emphasizes that you should come out only when it’s safe for you. “There’s a significant risk that’s associated with coming out, and so it’s really important to assess whether you’re safe to do so before you do,” he says. “I have to say that safety probably takes priority over coming out, even if it means your delaying it for several months until you have a place to stay that’s safe or you have enough money in case you are kicked out of your home.”

Research from the University of Chicago found that LGBTQ+ young adults have a 120 percent higher risk of reporting homelessness, compared to youth who identify as cisgender and heterosexual. As Tehrani notes, “coming out for someone with more resources is very different versus coming out for someone with no resources.” Additionally, people of all ages who come out risk being ostracized, rejected or judged by others in their communities, which threatens their emotional safety.

Once you’ve decided who you want to come out to, prepare yourself for the worst. “Let your friends — the people within your crowd — know what you’re doing, and think of a place you can go to in case things go really badly,” says Tehrani. “Have the resources on hand in case you feel as though you’re in emotional danger — such as the phone number of a friend, your therapist or a loved one.”

Just so you know, it took Gundel about 2 years to go through these six steps; it might take someone else 20 years. It’s possible that as you explore your sexuality and gender expression throughout your life, your identity will continue to evolve, and you may decide at some point to come out with a different identity.

“Our sexualities are just like our personalities; when you were 10, you weren’t the same person that you are at 20, 30, 40,” says Tehrani. “Our sexualities can change and develop too. They are very fluid. So it can be quite uncomfortable to have to come out with a different identity several times. But it is OK.”

He adds, “I don’t want to say ‘It gets better’ because I think it’s a little overused, but it does get better. Keep pushing, don’t lose hope, and keep looking towards a future where you can be yourself. There is nothing more meaningful in this world than feeling safe enough to just be yourself.”

Watch Amanda Gundel’s TEDxWCMephamHigh Talk here: 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Paula Carrizosa is a writer and media fellow on the TEDx team at TED.

This post was originally published on TED Ideas. It’s part of the “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from someone in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.

Some advice on coming out published first on https://premiumedusite.tumblr.com/rss

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Chloe you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Sybill Trewlawney!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Your application was such a treat to find in our inbox, Chloe! From the expanded traits to the wonderful headcanons you gave, your Sybill is so wonderfully fleshed out. The love you have for her is amazing and we all loved just how well you captured her - ‘she’s always been unafraid to march to the beat of her own drum‘ completely sold us. It’s so clear to see from you application just how much you’ve thought about the role that Sybill has to play in the war and gone into so much detail about her involvement with Aversio it’s such a pleasure to see! We think that Sybill will fit in just wonderfully and we cannot wait to have you both in our roleplay!

Application beneath the cut 

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION  

Chloe, she/her, GMT, from England  

ACTIVITY  

Well it’s been a little while since I’ve actively roleplayed so I might start out a little rusty, but given the preference you have for longer threads and your lenient activity limit I’m sure I’ll be around fairly often, like three times a week at least. (to give you a number I’d say like 7/10 on the active scale)

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?  

I was looking through the hp rp tag, and to be honest I was looking specifically for a Sybill Trelawney to play that I felt was actually a good representation of her character and also sat within an rp that had a good plot aha

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

Maybe a cliché but I really loved Ginny (in the books of course, don’t EVER get me started with the mess they made of her character in the movies dear god) she was spunky and confident (and ginger like myself, which tbqh has made me slightly bias in favour of the whole Weasley clan. Like you’re telling me not only do they deal w/ shit for being blood traitors but they redheads too??? Hard knock life, my man.) And of course my dear Sybill, who was just trying to be understood in a world that wasn’t quite ready for her.

ANYTHING ELSE?

Nope

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER  

Sybill Trelawney  

FACE CLAIM

Alycia Debnam Carey isn’t an fc I’ve ever worked with before but after browsing her tag and doing a little research she seems an excellent choice for Sybill in my opinion, and since she’s your chosen fc too I’m sure you’d have no problem with me picking her. (I am also partial to Juno Temple as Sybill, but I kinda feel that’s getting a little overdone)

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER  

Uhhhh this is just a general comment but I really love that you’ve made Sybill a big of a fighter and actually self confident like all the time I see her portrayed as this scared little thing and I don’t think that’s accurate, like I’ve always felt that (at least in her younger years, before the world beat her down a bit) Sybill would have been a passionate and confident woman with faith in her gift and a desire to set the world to rights. Her words aren’t always tactful, sure, but I think everything Sybill says she says because she thinks it needs to be heard.

When I first read about this Aversio group you’d created I wasn’t sure that putting Sybill in with such people was the right choice but after a little thought the idea really grew on me. I think Sybill’s visions have forced her to witness so much death and destruction that she has been powerless to prevent, and who wouldn’t be made angry like that? Who wouldn’t grab the first chance that came along to take back some of that power, to try and defend the people she loved? Sybill is part of this group for all the right reasons. She’s fighting for freedom and safety, but she’s not naïve, she doesn’t think the order sitting around and just waiting to form counter attacks are doing enough. I also feel she was something of a loner in school and despite being quite clever was never really invited into or considered for the order and so perhaps this comes from the ever so slight niggling urge she has to prove herself, because despite being a hippy dippy seer she’s also capable of affecting change and taking part in things. (If anything her visions and prophecies have only made her more determined to change the world, for she will have seen how truly tits up everything could go.)

I just have a longstanding love for Sybill, she’s always been unafraid to march to the beat of her own drum. Like, refusing to take on the name ‘higglebottom’ and so causing the end of your own marriage?? That’s hardcore. That’s a woman who won’t take no shit. Yeah, I love Sybill and I am forever searching for an rp with what I feel is an accurate representation of her. This is getting long so I’ll wind it down now, but if you’d like to hear anything more about my love for Syb pls just do message me lmao.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Sybill has always been wary of romance and love. With her gift it is easy to see the multitude of ways things can fall apart. Not only that, but it is hard to find someone with complete faith in this gift of hers, someone who truly believes all her madcap ramblings and feels the power of nature and the universe as much as she does. (Of course, she would only ever settle down with someone who believed in this power as much as she did and yet like her was not afraid to question it.) Sex is different to romance, though, I think Sybill views sex as something much simpler and it’s very much a pleasure she indulges in without ever feeling guilty about it. Honestly I think she can be quite the flirt when she wants, not ashamed of her desire to lure a man or woman into her bed for the night, because why should we deny ourselves such a simple craving? We shouldn’t.

As far as ships go I’m very happy just to go with the flow, nothing prioritised. Sybill goes by she/her pronouns, did consider them/they for a while but after some contemplation in the forest realised her energy was decidedly feminine in its nurturing and care, even if it was a little wilder and more adventurous. (Sexuality I touched on a little above, i feel like she’d be very fluid about it and call herself bisexual if pushed on the subject)

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

-EXPAND ON THE TRAITS

Self-assured- Sybill has gotten comfortable with her gift of sight, and by extension- since she’s long felt like that was the most drastic aspect of her personality- the rest of herself. She’s confident in who she is and the doubts of others can no longer throw her off her chosen course.

Free-spirited- spends a lot of time out in nature, but its much more than that. Sybill is very unassuming and so as long as what/who you are is not a cause of harm (for example, unless you are a death eater) she is quite happy to not only let you continue with your life and hobbies, but likely also interested in learning about it. She is happy for you to be in love, she is happy for you to mindlessly fuck, she is happy for you to abstain and spend all your time writing. As long as your soul is good and warm, you can be counted as a friend of Sybill’s.

Crafty- well, there’s the obvious definition of her being artistic which is true, Sybill likes to paint and tell fanciful stories and take one mans trash to make into her own treasure. But her crafty mind also  makes her quite statistical, she can wriggle her way out of almost any problem and really earns her keep as one of the strategic minds of Aversio.

Genuine- Another fairly obvious I feel. Some of the stuff Sybill says may be odd, but she means every word of it. This applies to her actions too. She has not one conniving or manipulative bone in her body, she never lies. Everything Sybill does is honest and true to the core of who she is.

Dreamer- constantly lost in her own world. Idealistic almost to a fault, often too optimistic about the future. Sometimes too optimistic about the present and so gets herself into dangerous situations just because she underestimated the circumstances.

Emotional- oh GOD if you criticise Sybill’s shoes she will CRY for a week. If you call her pretty in passing it will make her smile all year. Let me be clear here I don’t think Sybill holds grudges or has preferences, but I think she remembers everything that people do and everything impacts her as much as it did at the time it truly happened (does that make sense? Every time she remembers that Lily once complimented her hair it fills her with the same joy as the initial compliment did, for example.) I think this is why her gift takes such a toll on her, every bad thing that happens (whether it really ends up happening or not) affects her psyche terribly.

Dramatic- it’s very up and down with Sybill. I think being dramatic is good and bad, because every small show of kindness is an absolute joy but also every little negative moment or action is the worst betrayal imaginable. Nothing is done in halves by Sybill.

Weird- I mean self explanatory. She talks to plants, she’s constantly blabbering on about the energies of nature and the universe. She relies too heavily on her inner eye to guide her rather than just watching and responding. It’s a weirdness she’s comfortable with but that doesn’t mean everyone else is so ok with it, sometimes she makes people uncomfortable with her frank statements and odd habits.

-A FEW HEADCANONS

Sybill can play guitar. Yeah, she loves music, I think she plays guitar really very well and finds it quite relaxing (can’t think about anything else if you’re trying to master difficult songs y’know) but it isn’t a talent she often shares.

She writes poetry too, doesn’t call it that, just calls it writing. Often times her visions and prophecies can be a lot to digest and so writing about it all can help to sort her crazy imaginings from what might actually be possible.

Not adverse to substance abuse. She lives alone, and sometimes being part of Aversio leaves her incredibly amped up and angry, so it can be difficult to sleep. A few glasses of whiskey or a couple of joints sort that problem out, though.

Can get aggressive with fellow Aversio members. See she knows they can handle it and all the negative energy has to go somewhere (where else would she take it out? Nature? Absolutely not.)

She meditates because it helps focus her inner eye.

-A FEW POTENTIAL PLOT POINTS

This aggression with Aversio members might be an interesting one- like, does she think some of them are really just death eaters afraid to admit that? Are some of them scared of her? Do they think she’s too pushy with the people she’s supposedly aligned with? Yeah, lots interesting to say there.

Of course as an Aversio member there’s always the chance that the order or DE might find out that she’s part of such a group and try to sway her one such way (the DE would have no chance, and i don’t really see the order being much luckier, though she may be willing to form some kind of cooperation with them.)

There’s always the chance of her abandoning everything to just live in the forest.

More prophecies or visions! Are they always accurate? Who knows?!?!?! No one really.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

The following section should be looked at like a survey for your character. Answer them in character and feel free to use gifs. Or, if you’d rather, answer them in third person or OOC without gifs. Answers do not have to be extremely lengthy.

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

I think I’d like to invent a potion that would make me immune to all poisons. To be honest, that’s one of the few things that forces me to buy actual food from shops and stops me from living purely off the foods nature provides. I’m quite worried about being poisoned by something not meant for me you see, so if I had a potion that meant no such poisons affected me I would live only off the bounty provided by nature.

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

I think Xenophilius Lovegood would make for very good company. He’s easy on the eye and we’re both the types who see more in the world than most people do. I don’t suppose i’d pick anyone for their ability to keep me safe- I’m quite capable of that, thank you. Rather I think I’d pick Xenophilius because we would not run out of things to talk about. Ad far as objects go, maybe a sword? They fascinate me to be perfectly honest- so violent, so pretty- and I think it would be most useful should magic fail me.

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

Who to send on missions or counter attacks. It’s never very easy to decide if you need stealth and logic or aggression and strength, you know? And always I am so fearful that by sending the wrong type we will do more harm than good.

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

That I am a liar. That’s easy, people can say much about me as long as they always believe I am true.

WRITING SAMPLE

Sybill could not sleep. This was not a rare occurrence. More often than not she’d use alcohol or drugs to knock herself out for the night, acutely aware of all the work that there was to be done the next day and so too focused on being alert for that to be concerned with her own body. Tonight, however, she chose the forest. And drugs. There was a lovely little wood right by her house (would Sybill move anywhere without nature close by? Of course not.) And so she meandered through the trees until a small clearing came about, settling herself with a joint and her notebook for a sleepless night.  

See, tomorrows attack did not directly involve her. It was more an urban stealth mission, not really her style, and so she saw no harm in turning up to the meeting a little tired and out of it. Hey, she was usually ‘out of it’ as far as the others thought anyway, and so what was the harm really. So for this plan she had taken more a strategic role, using her gift to her advantage to help plan the timing, who she be where and when they should be there. It was something of an arduous task to be honest, left her a little drained to look so closely at individuals, but Sybill would never complain about it. Her inner eye was a gift very few possessed and she intended to use it to it’s full potential.

Besides being out here among nature’s glory with her writing and a joint would be sufficient to restore the balance of her energy. She took a drag and sighed into the quiet night, shifting to lay on her back and feel the full flow of the earth against her body. Her fingertips tingled and her toes curled. God, you know what would really help her sleep? Sex. But so few were as interested in no strings in the same way she was. Still willing to form a connection and truly bon with each other, just not so insistent that such a bond be permanent. It was okay to need someone only for a night or two. The summer she’d bounced around muggle music festivals had spoiled her, obviously. Maybe most wizards were so interested in commitment because it carried on the family name.

Not that she could blame them for such. Cassandra Trelawney had claimed the gift skipped three generations after all and by golly the family had seen to it that her point be proved. The idea made her giggle, bright energy pushing out against a dark sky.

Whatever the case, she was antsy and restless and worried about tomorrows plans. Worried about tomorrows’ people. If things went wrong those few were the ones who would pay most dearly. She closed her eyes, trying to feel the influence of the universe move through her and search for the answers she desired. Would tomorrow be okay? Had they chosen well? The universe, as it so often was in what it considered small affairs, had little more to offer than a small reassurance that Sybill wasn’t driving towards utter disaster.