#then i realised they are fairly easy to kill

[foxgloveciara]

so I'm enjoying this game so far. enjoy this.

[luetta]

idk if people on tumblr know about this but a cybersecurity software called crowdstrike just did what is probably the single biggest fuck up in any sector in the past 10 years. it's monumentally bad. literally the most horror-inducing nightmare scenario for a tech company.

some info, crowdstrike is essentially an antivirus software for enterprises. which means normal laypeople cant really get it, they're for businesses and organisations and important stuff.

so, on a friday evening (it of course wasnt friday everywhere but it was friday evening in oceania which is where it first started causing damage due to europe and na being asleep), crowdstrike pushed out an update to their windows users that caused a bug.

before i get into what the bug is, know that friday evening is the worst possible time to do this because people are going home. the weekend is starting. offices dont have people in them. this is just one of many perfectly placed failures in the rube goldburg machine of crowdstrike. there's a reason friday is called 'dont push to live friday' or more to the point 'dont fuck it up friday'

so, at 3pm at friday, an update comes rolling into crowdstrike users which is automatically implemented. this update immediately causes the computer to blue screen of death. very very bad. but it's not simply a 'you need to restart' crash, because the computer then gets stuck into a boot loop.

this is the worst possible thing because, in a boot loop state, a computer is never really able to get to a point where it can do anything. like download a fix. so there is nothing crowdstrike can do to remedy this death update anymore. it is now left to the end users.

it was pretty quickly identified what the problem was. you had to boot it in safe mode, and a very small file needed to be deleted. or you could just rename crowdstrike to something else so windows never attempts to use it.

it's a fairly easy fix in the grand scheme of things, but the issue is that it is effecting enterprises. which can have a looooot of computers. in many different locations. so an IT person would need to manually fix hundreds of computers, sometimes in whole other cities and perhaps even other countries if theyre big enough.

another fuck up crowdstrike did was they did not stagger the update, so they could catch any mistakes before they wrecked havoc. (and also how how HOW do you not catch this before deploying it. this isn't a code oopsie this is a complete failure of quality ensurance that probably permeates the whole company to not realise their update was an instant kill). they rolled it out to everyone of their clients in the world at the same time.

and this seems pretty hilarious on the surface. i was havin a good chuckle as eftpos went down in the store i was working at, chaos was definitely ensuring lmao. im in aus, and banking was literally down nationwide.

but then you start hearing about the entire country's planes being grounded because the airport's computers are bricked. and hospitals having no computers anymore. emergency call centres crashing. and you realised that, wow. crowdstrike just killed people probably. this is literally the worst thing possible for a company like this to do.

crowdstrike was kinda on the come up too, they were starting to become a big name in the tech world as a new face. but that has definitely vanished now. to fuck up at this many places, is almost extremely impressive. its hard to even think of a comparable fuckup.

a friday evening simultaneous rollout boot loop is a phrase that haunts IT people in their darkest hours. it's the monster that drags people down into the swamp. it's the big bag in the horror movie. it's the end of the road. and for crowdstrike, that reaper of souls just knocked on their doorstep.

[slasher-fxcker]

Slashers seeing their future S/O for the first time

Part 1

Including: Billy Loomis, Bo Sinclair, Jason Voorhees, Lester Sinclair, Stu Macher & Vincent Sinclair.

Warnings: Mentions of death, slashers being slashers. This page is 18+ Minors do not interact.

A/N: Okay this is my first post on here so any and all feedback is welcome! Also, there will be a part two, I will be including all the slashers I write for I just got a bit carried away and I thought it was a bit long for one part lol. Second part will include Michael Myers, Thomas Hewitt, Billy Lenz, Brahms Heelshire and Jesse Cromeans.

Billy Loomis:

· This was meant to be an easy kill for Billy. Some geek that showed up at a party he shouldn’t have been at, Billy had been watching him for most of the night when he saw his target getting ready to leave. He started heading to the closet he hid his Ghostface costume in when someone crashed into him spilling their drink all down the front of his shirt.

· Billy was in two minds about whether he should give them a piece of his mind or ignore their apologies and sneak away anyway. But as he looked up whatever reply he had planned got caught in his throat. When he looked into your pleading eyes he could immediately tell how bad you felt. He didn’t realise he was staring until he noticed you were waiting for a response.

· He regains his composure and brushed off your apologies, telling you not to worry about it. You seemed relieved and he couldn’t help but smirk at how you looked around the room frantically. “Lost something?” he finally asks you, “Am I that obvious?” you laugh before holding your hand out, “I’m Y/N, Randy’s cousin.” Billy seemed to stare at your hand for a second before taking it in his and introducing himself. Maybe just this once he’d let the target go and find something worth enjoying.

Bo Sinclair:

· Getting out of the beat-up truck Bo winced as he felt the pain in his arm of the wound that hadn’t fully healed just yet. Lightly holding the spot and remembering how one of the victims had cut him good with that knife. He sighed and shrugged the thought off before walking towards the dimly lit bar. Sitting down on one of the stools and ordering a beer.

· He soon becomes aware of a man groaning angrily at one of the nearby pool tables, “There aint no way you're winning again without cheatin’” he hears the man grumble. Bo’s fairly accustomed to the usual pool bets but what does surprise him is the feminine laugh he hears in response, he turns around to see you bent over the table lining up your next shot. He feels his throat dry up at the sight of the position you’re in and the teasing smirk that’s on your face.

· “Don’t be a sore loser Jimmy,” you laugh before sinking yet another ball into its socket. Bo can barely take his eyes off you as he leans back taking another sip of his beer. You and the man seem to go back and forth in arguing about the game, and he feels like he could watch you all night. The game is coming to an end with you clearly winning, before he even thinks about it Bo has downed the rest of his beer and is walking towards you. As you’re lining up your final shot Bo slams down a couple of bills on the side of the pool table, you look up at him and he flashed his signature grin at you, “I’ve got winner,” he says as he looks you up and down. You sink your last ball before turning back to him, “You’ve got it handsome,” she smirks. Oh, you were trouble, and Bo couldn’t wait to see how this night turned out.

Jason Voorhees:

· It had been a quiet week for Jason, no campers, no teens, nothing. He had been out collecting wood for the fire when he found a small stone, he liked collecting bits and pieces from around the woods. Small knickknacks to decorate the shabby cabin he called home. The stone had five points and could be seen as almost the shape of a star, what Jason didn’t realise was he had spent far too long invested in the stone to notice someone walking on the trail nearby. The snapping of some sticks broke him out of his thoughts as he saw a figure nearby.

· Jason quickly shoved the stone in his pocket before walking silently to a spot where he could watch the trail without being spotted. He watched you from afar for a while, seeing you look around you as you made your way down the path. The way you watched the nature around you with a small smile on your face made Jason feel a warmth inside him. He followed you all the way to the camp grounds. You seem surprised to find the open space on your trip. You sat down on one of the stone seats before unpacking some lunch for yourself.

· It wasn’t long before you had gotten up and were walking around the small opening. It was then that Jason heard you speak for the first time which caused him to tense in fear. “Hey there little guy.” That was it, you must’ve seen him. He froze as you stepped towards his hiding spot only to stop a few feet in front of where he stood, where he thought he was hidden by the shrubs. But you weren’t looking at him to his relief, he saw the small squirrel perched on a branch that seemed to have your attention. He felt himself relax as he noticed this before trying to silently move further to the other side of the clearing.

· To his surprise the squirrel hadn’t run away, he must’ve smelt the food in your hand as he stood hesitantly sniffing the air. “You hungry?” you asked him rhetorically before holding out a small piece of crust for the squirrel and placing it on the branch near him. Jason watched and couldn’t help but melt at your kindness, he heard the familiar voice in his head but this time the voice was calm, telling him you needed protection, you needed him. But how was he supposed to approach you. A few minutes passed and you turned back to your seat, walking over you noticed something had now been placed where you once sat. You picked up the small stone, noticing it was shaped like a star. You looked around for someone before looking back at the stone, a small smile on your face. It warmed Jason’s heart as he prepared himself to find you more gifts.

Lester Sinclair:

· Lester found himself almost zoning out as he drove down the all too familiar road, the predictability of the same turns and sights that he saw every day seeming to get on his nerves today. Until he noticed a car on the side of the road, he hated his part in this, he tried to just shut himself off from it and think of whoever the poor bastard was that wandered their way as just a stranger, a nobody with no identity. It helped that they were usually rude to him, at least that way he felt less remorse for them. He couldn’t see the person that was hidden under the hood, probably uselessly trying to figure out what was wrong with their car.

· “Looks like you could use a hand.” He didn’t expect the slight squeal from whoever was behind the hood before you walked out, “oh gosh you gave me a fright,” you giggled. Lester was trying to pick his jaw up off the floor and string a sentence together, you definitely weren’t the first young lady to come through these parts but he sure thought you were the prettiest. “Uh, sorry ma’am.” He gulped before wracking his brain for words, “I saw you stuck here and thought you could use a hand.” You sighed before closing the hood, “Unless you happen to have a fanbelt on you, I don’t think so,” He felt the slight dread creep up as he remembered the scenario, he hesitated before spilling his usual script about taking you to see Bo. Of course, you agreed, having no other option and climbing into his truck.

· Not long into the drive you spoke, “I’m Y/N by the way,” he nodded before realising you were waiting for a response, “Oh, I’m Lester,” he responded. “Lester,” you repeated with a smile, he couldn’t help the feeling in his stomach when you repeated his name. “Well thank you very much Lester, I definitely owe you one for driving me all this way.” The more you spoke the worse he was starting to feel, you seemed kind, you were nice to him which was a welcome change, you laughed along with him instead of at him, you didn’t deserve the fate that you were walking into. As you neared Ambrose he realised he couldn’t let you die, he didn’t know how yet but he would do everything he could to keep Bo from hurting you. He knew life was going to be anything but predictable with you around

Stu Macher:

· Stu groans when the bell rings, his least favourite subject and it was the first lesson of the day. “You coming Stu?” He looks at Randy as he seems to think it over, “Nah, we’ve got Evans, I don’t need another detention from that douche.” Randy just rolls his eyes as Stu starts walking in the opposite direction, he hears Randy grumble some smart-ass comment to himself as he walks away.

· Stu was about to turn towards the entrance when he heard you curse to yourself, he glanced at you before turning the corner. “Woah,” he stopped in his tracks before backing up back into the hallway and looking you over again. You must be new, he definitely would’ve remembered you if he had seen you before. You're too engrossed in the paper in your hands to notice someone coming up to you and leaning against the lockers. He puts on his cheesiest grin before getting your attention “Hey there,” you almost jump out of your skin as you drop your books.

· “Oh man I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Stu apologises as he crouches down and begins to pick up your things, you join him in picking up your books, “No don’t be, I should’ve been paying more attention,” you give him a soft smile before standing back up as he passes you some of your belongings, “You must be new, haven’t seen you around here,” you just nod before continuing, “actually, i’m having some trouble finding my class,” he looks over the schedule you had been engrossed in. “Oh that’s actually where I’m headed, I can take you if you’d like,” he couldn’t help but smile at the way you beamed up at him as you agreed.

· The walk was filled with Stu making you laugh, as you neared the class he seemed to slow down and began talking to you again. “You know, I’d be happy to show you to your other classes if you need help finding them after this?” you agreed and he walked into the class with you. A big smile on his face even after being reprimanded by your teacher. “I thought you weren’t coming,” Randy whispers to him, “Yeah something changed my mind,” he replied, not taking his eyes off you. Maybe this class was worth showing up to.

Vincent Sinclair:

· Vincent had been in the museum, positioning his newest artwork. He stared at it with a slight tilt of his head, questioning every stroke, every pose and every colour. He couldn’t help it, he knew he was good at what he did but insecurity still nagged at every decision he made. He was in his own world when the creak of the front door broke him out of his stupor. Bo had told him a small group of victims would be heading down to the museum while he worked on ‘finding’ a fan belt for them. Vincent was quick to move to his usual hiding spots to watch them.

· Vincent hated how loud this group was, joking and making fun of his art. “You have to be pretty sick to make any of this.” One of the guys spoke up, Vincent immediately started thinking of how he would hurt this man. It wasn’t until a softer voice spoke up that he noticed the girl trailing at the back of the group, “Come on guys, don’t be so rude. Someone must have put a lot of effort into these.” It was then that Vincent could finally make out your form, you seemed quiet even when speaking up for him, defending his work. Vincent wished he could get a better look at you. The man scoffed, “Okay art freak.” Vincent saw the way you practically flinched at the insult before turning away from the group to go and look at some other pieces.

· Vincent felt angry, the man would definitely suffer. He made his way closer to where you were, staying hidden as he watched you from afar. He could tell the insult had hurt you and this only made him angrier. You seemed to pause as you squinted closer to the art work on the wall, brushing some dust off the framing. “Vincent,” you read the signature to yourself with a small smile on your face, Vincent stilled when he heard you. He wasn’t sure what it was but something about hearing you say his name struck a chord in him. He was more than intrigued by you, he felt drawn to you in a way he had never felt before. He wasn’t sure what this meant but whatever it was he knew Bo wouldn’t like it.

[adhd-merlin]

title: the defector

Arthur & Merlin ● Gen ● Words: 548 (I am once again invoking the margin of goodwill) ● No Warnings ● Written for @merlinmicrofic 2024, for the August prompt: "Tell me."

Summary: Canon-era AU. In which Merlin met Morgana before he met Arthur — after she had already turned against Camelot.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Why should I let you live — let alone trust a word you say?” Arthur asks the sorcerer kneeling at his feet. He tips the boy's head up with the point of his sword. “Tell me.”

The boy doesn't look afraid. He should be, chained up and surrounded by enemies as he is. Then again, he did hand himself over.

It's still unclear what caused such disregard for his own life — if overconfidence, world-weariness or insanity. The last two wouldn’t surprise Arthur. Five years of war can do that to a man.

Yet the boy keeps his head very still.

“You shouldn't kill me because I can help you defeat Morgana,” he says. “As for trusting me… if I wanted to harm you, you would be dead already. I have no need for a ruse.”

Two of Arthur's men shift uneasily behind the boy. Leon places his hand on his sword.

Arthur lowers his.

“Bold claim from a man in chains. And these are no ordinary ones — they've held Nimueh herself. You think you're more powerful than her?”

There's a flash of defiance in the boy's eyes — and then of gold. The chains fall to the ground like withered leaves hit by a gust of wind.

“You tell me.”

All of Arthur's men draw their swords at once. Arthur points his too, his heart pounding.

The boy's bravado cracks. He staggers to his feet with his hands raised — an appeasing gesture, Arthur realises, but one easy to misconstrue.

Leon and Gwaine seize his arms — as if that could do anything to stop a sorcerer.

“I don't want to harm you!” the boy protests, alarmed, when Gwaine's sword presses against his throat.

Gwaine's eyes are fixed on Arthur's face, waiting for a signal. So are the boy's eyes, blue and pleading.

Slowly, Arthur lowers his sword again, gesturing at his men to do the same. They reluctantly obey, but Leon and Gwaine don't let go of the boy.

“Sire…” Leon starts, but he seems unsure how to finish his warning.

“You know she cannot be killed by any mortal weapon,” the boy says when Leon falls silent. “So did your father — it's why he kept the dragon alive. But he won't listen to you, will he?”

If he meant to get Arthur's attention, he succeeded.

It is true that, so far, Morgana has proved unkillable. Some say her sister sacrificed her own life to strengthen hers.

That's what they say. Arthur will give Morgana the benefit of the doubt for Morgause's murder — but Nimueh, he's fairly sure, was not complicit in her own killing.

Be that as it may, whatever depraved ritual Morgana performed has worked. And their only hope of victory — the wretched creature they keep bound in a cave; may it rot there — has been laughing at their defeats. It is no friend of Morgana, but it seems to hate all of Uther's blood equally.

“Why do you think it will listen to you?” Arthur asks.

The boy raises his chin. “Because he must.”

Dear God, let it not be insanity.

“And why would you help me?”

The boy's resolute expression turns earnest. “Because we both want the same thing — peace for our people.”

He sounds like he means it.

Arthur slides his sword back in its sheath.

[earthstellar]

just thinking about how fucked it is in TFP that June is unaware that Jack escaped the attack on the base for a decent period of time

so like for at least a few days, she is fully fighting off the despair of the very real possibility that her only child has been ground into human paté by an evil space robot warlord who is actively (and thus far, mostly successfully) attempting to violently take over the planet

yeah Fowler is there but I cannot imagine the amount of government shit he was buried under the entire time

she would have to cope those few days (longer than a week? can't rewatch atm to establish any rough timeline) of just thinking "my son was the first human casualty of an impossible war against giant mechanical alien invaders"

if she believed him dead, if her hope slipped for just a moment, the mental gymnastics needed to cope, even if just to assist Fowler the best she could, would be devastating-- the hospital is gone, the town has been evacuated, has anyone else been killed? is it just Jack? what about the other kids?

it would be easy to start thinking down a dark path, and I think Fowler kept June around instead of evacuating her because not only is there no way she would go, but because he realises that she very seriously may have just lost her son. she needs distractions, support, someone at least somewhat familiar, a sense that her input is needed and will be genuinely considered in order to gain any semblance of control over a situation that just took her son away from her. either for now, or forever.

realistically, Fowler is military, and could have forced her to leave. but he didn't. there are pros and cons to that approach, but given the circumstances, it was almost certainly the right call. good guy Fowler!!

Fowler knew Jack. Fowler did his best to keep them safe on base. She doesn't blame him. He might struggle with some guilt himself, though.

There's no blame, really; What can anyone do when giants from the sky descend and touch the Earth with pointed metal claws, raking at the ground and the people on it, like pulling weeds to clear the land for purposes beyond them?

the situation in general may have been so overwhelming, and both June and Fowler are fairly stubborn, that combined with their need for proof before mourning all of the general stress may have been enough of an active focus to keep them going

but there is no way June didn't have a complete fucking breakdown over the possibility of Jack's death at some point during all this

which is why I can sort of accept Jack's dumbass move of trying to call her

given how anxious we see her on screen most of the time when it comes to the kids (and not unreasonably so), and how little we know about the Darby family history, we can assume Jack could easily imagine how distraught his mother might be

that's a lot of emotional stress to place on a teenager who almost got extremely killed not too long ago and is currently on the run

so yes, it was a bad call (literally), but one that is totally understandable. I would expect a teenager with a close and generally positive relationship with their parent to want that parent to know they aren't dead, that there's still hope, that they're ok.

it's easy to shit on Jack for making the call when he did, but realistically, he's a teenager and real serious shit is happening and there are emotions and worry and who knows, the deceptions might get him soon anyway. it's hard to stay hopeful. and his mother is really the only relation he's got, in terms of direct family, that we ever see or hear about.

he had the opportunity to risk a final call before things may have gotten even worse no matter what, regardless of anything, and he took that chance to call his mom.

I can understand that, even if it was a dipshit move given the risks. Not a great idea, but a totally understandable one.

they couldn't play up any of this on screen for obvious reasons, not just time constraints, but because this is heavy shit for a show aimed ostensibly at a majority youth demographic, and it's understandable that they didn't focus too much on the darker aspects of this whole arc

but still, it reminds me a lot of what it's like after a bad hurricane. lots of people who are missing family members, no homes to go back to, lots of confusion and injury with no communication, it sucks. the destruction of Jasper definitely has that vibe.

I'm willing to bet June, at some point, was crying in the shower of some military temporary barracks or even shitty FEMA accomodation (I hate those fucking trailers, I've had to deal with them myself) thinking "my son is dead" over and over in a moment of despair, until walking out and thinking to herself, "he's not dead until we know he's dead" (even if she increasingly struggles to hold on to hope) and putting her clothes back on--

--they might be dirty, and Fowler may have offered some spare uniforms for her to wear from whatever soldier gear they might have had peppered around-- but Jack would recognise her scrubs, so she put them back on no matter how gross they felt

and just doing whatever she could to back up Fowler when dealing with his superiors, anything she could think about or do or focus on

either to find her son, or confirm that he had died

just really grim

anyway my break's over! back to work

[johanirae]

Dion's heartbreaking backstory

Finished the game last night and pieced together Dion Lesage's backstory. It's really tragic and also shows how good a person he was to rise above it all, when the same backstory could have easily been one for a villain.

Spoilers for the whole game below

He was initially born in what may be a loving family. His biological mother is not present in the game, only mentioned by his stepmother Annabella as being a "whore who weighed her child's worth in gil". (Note however that Annabella is a raging blood supremacist who at one point called Jill, an actual princess, a 'savage' just because she was from a foreign land, so who the heck knows what qualifies as "whore" in her books) However, his early life wasn't too harsh. He had good relations with his father, who then ruled the kingdom fairly. Dion was also educated with the full expectation that he will one day rule the empire.

However, following the fall of Phoenix Tower, Annabella married into his family and became Dion's stepmother and empress. She cut off his education and started pouring poison into the emperor's ear that Dion aimed to betray him. It's also implied that she had a hand in making him join the military, under the guise of utilising his status as Bahamut Dominant. I believe she did this for two goals: 1) Gain as much power as possible through conquests 2) Kill Dion. It is shown in the game that extensive use of fully primed Eikon powers proves detrimental to the dominant's health. Not to mention constant combat with other fully primed eikons. The earlier Dion dies, the earlier her own son Olivier can rise uncontested to the throne.

Through these years, his only companion had been his tutor Harpocrates (whom was dismissed by Annabella due to his egalitarian beliefs) and childfriend friend, later lover Sir Terence. He is never able to share their love in public due to a difference in social status. (Although it's a great joy for me to discover that their problems seems to have nothing to do with homophobia, which seems absent in this world).

Given a backstory like this, it's so easy for Dion to sink into darkness and evil, but throughout his story in FFXVI, he has a strong belief that rulers should do right by their people. He has a strong sense of honor and justice. Even after realising the machinations of Annabella and Ultima, he never tried to blame others for his actions. Sadly, it's this very same sense of honor that led him to join the final fight, even if it costed him his own life.

I like to think that in the end he finally got to join Sir Terence on the other side and achieve the happiness that was so denied him ;_;

[mykingdomforapen]

spinning silk | writer's commentary

Hello! It has been a long journey but my Link Click fic, spinning silk, has come to a finish. It has been a joy to write and to share with you, and I really hope that you enjoyed the journey. I am so excited for you to read it now in its completion!

I thought it would be fun/interesting to include a writer's commentary about the story, as I've included elements that I'm excited about and would love to talk about the thoughts behind them, the history, foreshadowing, et cetera.

I will try to shy away from explaining too much in case we wanna preserve some level of the Author is Dead skskks . Happy to answer questions on a separate post or DMs though if there is interest! If you are interested in this commentary, please join me! If not, no worries and merrily we roll along.

Spoilers ahead!

The Epigraph

It's easy to miss the epigraph in this story, which is at the beginning of chapter 1 and is very brief. I don't know if anyone here is Chinese-literate, or if you popped it into a Translation app. If you have, you would have realised that the epigraph actually spoils the ending of the story!

A reminder of the epigraph:

君埋泉下泥销骨 我寄人间雪满头。 -Bai Juyi For his friend, Yuan Zhen

Bai Juyi and Yuan Zhen were famous Chinese poets from the Tang Dynasty, and good friends. Bai Juyi would have written this after Yuan Zhen died. The poem's translation is thus:

Your bones are buried under the spring mud; I remain in the mortal world with my hair white as snow.

In the context of this poem, white as snow can indicate someone growing old as they sit at the grave of their friend, therefore their hair turning all white. It can, depending on the translation, indicate someone who sat through the winter until snow layered upon their head , by the time spring comes. Or, in the context of Link Click, Lu Guang's white white hair. Which interpretation should it be? 🙂

Also fun fact I accidentally miscredited the poem for the longest time to Li Bai, another famous Tang Dynasty poet. Oops!

Silk

Ah, this story is built on silk. I think it is fairly famous, the 'red thread of fate' from East Asian/Chinese culture, the concept that you are somehow tied to your soulmate by a long, connecting red thread. I wanted to use the concept of thread as fate, but expand it beyond just about soulmates and relationships. That was the motivation behind depending on silk imagery for Liu Xiao's plan, to play on a well-established concept in Chinese mythology and add my own twist to it. Especially since Liu Xiao was the one in S2 to make the comparison, of people having a thousand parallel fates/threads.

As I was musing on an idea for this fic, that was when I happened to visit an exhibit that included the life cycle of a silk worm. My mother then told me how when she was little, she used to raise silk worms as pets. That got me to muse on the process of making silk--how you have to boil the cocoon and then unravel it slowly until it is a single, long thread. You have to be so careful with it because if it breaks it's kind of pointless, and how magnificent it is that such a cocoon could be so uninterrupted, singular, continuous.

Which brings me to the climax with Lu Guang, when he is trapped in a literal and figurative cocoon of silk. So as Liu Xiao had said (or at least, I think he said it...I forget lol)--when you make silk by boiling the cocoons, you kill the silkworm inside. Silkworms leave the cocoons by chewing a hole through it, which essentially renders the silk unusable because it's all chewed and broken, but now the silkworm is a moth and flies free. The thread of silk, the cocoon, must be ripped and ruined, only then can a silkworm emerge with wings, transformed. Only then can it live.

(Fun fact: one of the first things I knew I wanted from this story was the scene of Cheng Xiaoshi using his threads of fate to sew up all the ripped seams of time. That was, in many ways, the impetus of this story's idea--the image of him so selflessly giving up his own future and life to the act of something as gentle as mending)

Wen Xi

I loved writing chapter 2, honestly. Not only because I get to write about a dive, which is the charm and heart of Link Click, and not only because I get to write about my culture and province (Cantonese represent!) but also because in my eyes, the Wen Xi dive functions similarly to how I interpret the earthquake arc functions for canon.

There was a moment where I almost had a scene where CXS actually interacted with Wen Xi in person. He would have run into her at one point, and of course he can't act like he knows her because she doesn't realize he was the one who did the job for him, but he would have had a moment with her. She was sitting on the curb, struggling with some of the mangosteens she bought. He remembers how she doesn't like getting her hands sticky and wet and how Song Liming used to open them for her when they were kids, so he would have asked her if she needed help and gave her that little bit of kindness. This was ultimately scarpered so that he and Qiao Ling could have that more plot-driven moment of worrying over Lu Guang.

Other Deleted Scenes/changed scenes

Not so much a scene as it is a theme that I wish I could have expounded on more but ultimately couldn't figure it out. Which is to say, I wish I could have played around with Liu Xiao more. Liu Xiao, Lu Guang, and Li Tianchen are the trio who are manipulating fate and the future. They are also three characters who are, in their own way and for their own reasons, trying to use the control of time to answer for a painful trauma that they cannot bear to face full-on. For Liu Xiao, that flashback scene of Liu Min would have played a bigger role in the story. I wish I could have completed this, but at the same time, in my head in order for him to confront it is to own up to it, and find healing from it. He did not want to do that in the playground of my imagination. So I left him be.

Actually, Liu Xiao was supposed to be a little more villainous in this story! He would have been a bit more purposeful about Cheng Xiaoshi, knowing that CXS' abilities are causing the 'knot' in the silk and then intending for CXS to die alone/far from Lu Guang so that Lu Guang would not repeat the cycle. Ultimately I preferred Liu Xiao to be a bit more morally gray. He struck me as someone who didn't have a personal grudge against CXS at the end of the day. All he wants is his own peace of mind.

There was also going to be a moment, although I ended up scrapping it early on, where the photograph of Cheng Xiaoshi and his mother would have played a bit more of a role in the story. There would have been a moment where, upon discovering what Lu Guang was doing with the silks and realizing how much damage it was causing not only to him but to the world, Cheng Xiaoshi would have felt like he was the cause of all of Lu Guang's misery and now also the misery of the concept of time and space, since Lu Guang was essentially destroying the world because of him. In a moment of being in a pretty terrible head space, Cheng Xiaoshi would have half considered diving back into that photo as his mom and straight up Terminator his childhood self to save everyone the trouble. Qiao Ling would have strongly talked him out of it. Ultimately I felt that was, well, a bit dark, and not really fitting to the rest of the story.

Speaking of the photograph's purpose, the opening scene used to be a wee bit different, where Cheng Xiaoshi would actually give Qiao Ling the photo of his mother and ask her to hide it from him. He would never explain why, but Qiao Ling would have a guess as to what the reason was. I changed it because I wanted the story to have a bookend. It begins with Qiao Ling holding Cheng Xiaoshi as he slept to keep him warm. As does it ends.

Culture(???)

I'll be honest, I'm borne of expats, so I'm not the one to break down the traditions and culture of the characters. At the same time, I definitely was raised in Chinese culture and spent formative periods of my life in China, so there are a lot of things I take for granted and not think to explain when in fact it is not actually a universal experience.

But anyway! This is a section to explain my caveat. I am Cantonese. Link Click very likely takes place in a northern city. China's food culture is EXTREMELY diverse, so the food that I have eaten in China, because I spend all my time in a specific province, is probably food that Cheng Xiaoshi, Lu Guang, and Qiao Ling seldomly eat! But I couldn't help myself, so I wrote about my favorite foods. Because I write fic for ME.

That also goes for the daily living aspect as well. For all I know, Cantonese doctor visits, city walking, food delivery, groceries, etc. are the same as Northerners. For all I know, it could be wildly different! I have no idea. I do reckon though that our trio live in a quieter, smaller city than what I'm used to. I mean, look at their neighborhood.

Not regarding shanghuo, though. Shanghuo is everywhere in China.

Anyway, a quick rundown of things:

black sesame porridge: A very Cantonese sweet porridge. Technically considered dessert, but also lauded to be full of nutrition. Technically considered 'soup' but I write fic for me.

Also, black sesame soymilk. Soymilk is great.

Sun Wukong- LG compares himself, or wished to compare himself, to Sun Wukong escorting Tang Sanzang to the west. This is in reference to our beloved Monkey King in The Journey to the West! He is an iconic literary figure dating back to idk I think the 1400s or something and his story is quite long and mythical but long story short his mission was to escort a monk westward, towards South Asia, to collect some important scripts. He had to protect Tan Sanzang from all sorts of demons and devils along the way.

Pixiu- Lu Guang makes a passing comment in his point of view about putting a Pixiu at his doorstep and hoping it pays off Cheng Xiaoshi's debt. Pixiu is a little guy (arguably dragon, probably not) that likes to gobble up gold. If you put a little Pixiu statue in your area, the idea is that he will bring wealth to you. He's got a whole story about him where he ate up all the gold of the heavenly palace and the Jade Empress was so mad she sewed up his butthole so he would have eternal constipation, or something like that. Don't correct me if that's wrong because that's how the story was told to me and I delight in it LOL. I love him. He's my favorite idiot.

Clay pot rice -Also a very Cantonese dish. Frankly, the rest of China is missing out if it is only contained in the Canton province. Rice that is cooked with meats in a clay pot which makes the rice v ery aromatic and deliciously crispy around the sides. Qiao Ling was NOT going to take that out for takeout, that girl was 100% just gonna treat herself in a restaurant and CXS was gonna have to deal with scraps and leftovers.

Zhinü- I'm realizing that Lu Guang makes a lot of references in his internal monologue LOL. This is in reference to the Weaver Girl and Cowherd folktale, one of China's Four Great Folktales (which include Lady Meng Jiang, Legend of White Snake which is my personal favorite, and the Butterfly Lovers). It's a very classic Chinese story about a celestial weaver girl, Zhinü, who is the daughter of I think the Jade Emperor who is like the heavenly king of gods, and her lover the mortal cowherd. Long story short, her father was unhappy that she fell in love with a mortal and so separated her from her husband and children with the Milky Way. One day a year, the birds take pity on the lovers and form a bridge across the galaxy so that they can reunite. Between her and Lu Guang's weaving--or rather, spinning silk--I couldn't pass up the opportunity to make a reference.

yangmei wine - Liu Xiao is drinking some Yangmei wine. Yangmei is a type of fruit in China and I am pretty sure I actually made him drink a different wine than what I'm imagining. What I intended for him to drink is a wine that is made of a particular fruit that isn't strictly speaking edible, or at least not eaten for enjoyment. It's usually always only used for making wine, and you let the little plums (so t ospeak) soak in the alcohol until it is a bright red. Very sweet. Very strong.

Sanmao- At one point Lu Guang compares Cheng Xiaoshi to Sanmao because Cheng Xiaoshi had a small sliver of hope for his parents snatched right from underneath his nose. Sanmao is an iconic Chinese character from a long-running comic that began in the 1930s. He is a poor orphan boy during the era before and during WWII, who is just trying to survive extreme poverty. He is often mistreated by passerbys and is very lonely, often looking longingly at other kids who have food to eat and have parents. Every time someone treats him with kindness and he has just a little bit of hope that he can have a family or some good fortune, some awful circumstance happens, usually tied to tense socioeconomic injustice or war.

One of the less traumatic panels of the comic lol:

Jiuzhaigou- Cheng Xiaoshi mentions wishing that he could go there one day, and then at the end Qiao Ling and Lu Guang say that they will go together. Jiuzhaigou is in the Sichuan province, it is a nature realm that is very beautiful. There are natural deposits that make the lakes ultramarine blue and crystal clear. It's so beautiful! A photographer's dream.

Tangyuan- sweet and sticky rice dumplings that can be filled with sweet filling such as peanuts, black sesame paste, sweet egg, or more! They are often eaten during holidays, both during Winter Solstice and the 15th day after Lunar New Year. Indeed they are symbolizing family togetherness, although less because of stickiness and more because of a pun in their name. But maybe stickiness has something to do with it? Winter Solstice foods in different regions of China are also somewhat sticky, even if they don't typically eat tangyuan. I just know what I'm told lol.

Doraemon-A popular Japanese manga/anime from the 50s or 60s that is immensely beloved by the Chinese to this day. He is a robotic cat from the future with a fourth dimensional pocket full of futuristic gadgets that he uses to help Nobita, a fourth grader in the 50s, with his every day problems. He's wonderful. Also, he has a time machine which is tucked in Nobita's homework desk. Fitting....

Yixiu- Another popular Japanese anime, I believe from the 80s, that was also quite popular in China. It's about Ikkyu-san, a little monk/prince whose profound wisdom solved all sorts of grown-up's shenanigans.

Jiejie- A reader had asked the significance of Cheng Xiaoshi calling Qiao Ling this in the penultimate so I figured I'd bring it up here as well. 'Jie' is an indicator of older sister, or a bit of a respectful but also affectionate term for a young woman. Just like how Lu Guang calls Qiao Ling 'Qiao Ling jie' in the show. When he does it, it's friendly but also not actually meaning that he sees her as a sister sister because it's attached to her whole name. Cheng Xiaoshi in this story, not necessarily canon, refers to her as Ling jie every now and then. To me, this is him hearkening to childhood terms, as that is what his parents would refer to her as when he was growing up.

Take this with a grain of salt because I am a diaspora and not originally from the culture. Qiao Ling referring to Cheng Xiaoshi as 'didi' (little brother) in the show, and in the end Cheng Xiaoshi calling Qiao Ling 'jiejie' (big sister) in this fic are not rare, so to speak, or inappropriate, but you don't typically refer to someone who isn't related to you as your 'didi' or 'jiejie' unless they are blood related to you. You can call your sibling this, or your cousins this, but uuuuusually not someone who is like a sibling to you--singularly, yes, like Ling jie, but not typically Jiejie. Them calling each other this means that they truly see each other as their sibling. Also, those terms are a little bit childlike, so to speak. There are more 'grown-up' ways to refer to your little brother or big sister. In Cheng Xiaoshi's case, someone his age will probably refer to a sister as 'a jie' or 'jia jie'--at least, in Cantonese this is the case. 'Jiejie' is a little kid's way of calling their sibling. Like, up until I was about 7 years old I would have referred to my sister this way. To call someone 'jiejie' now, particularly to their face, I feel is a very vulnerable address. It's like if you as an adult who usually calls their mother 'Mom', in a time of deep distress or sadness and in need of comfort, revert to calling her 'mama' or 'mommy'. Like, you're both probably in tears to get to this point. At least, that is my experience with addresses, and therefore Cheng Xiaoshi's lol. Any fellow sinos out there can correct me but that was my intention for that part of the story. Cheng Xiaoshi is vulnerable, and he is seeking comfort from his big sister.

Mama's nursery rhyme- The story of the little rabbits and their Mama Rabbit is a very well known children's story in China. The story wasrecounted as close to memory as I can, so the only other thing I can say about it is that this is how the song goes.

Well, that's all I can think of right now! If there are any questions or you're curious about something, feel free to send me a message! Otherwise, I hope I didn't resuscitate the author too much.

[hephaestuscrew]

Fisher's death is a different kind of tragedy to the rest of the original Hephaestus crew, because it genuinely was just a horrible accident. And I think accepting that isn't an easy thing for Lovelace.

When almost everyone in your crew is dead, it's the opposite of a consolation to realise that the only other survivor is responsible for those deaths. But once you know you have been betrayed, once you understand that there was someone in your crew who was willing to sacrifice all of you for his own ends, once you've accepted that someone you used to trust killed people you loved, wouldn't it make a kind of sense to believe he was responsible for every awful thing that happened? Wouldn't there almost be a perverse comfort in the righteous anger of believing that Fisher died not because Hui's predictions were wrong, nor because Lovelace's attempts to save him failed, but because Selberg's sabotage doomed him from the start? Wouldn't it tie up the narrative of Lovelace's trauma more neatly if all of it was Selberg's fault, if he was pulling the strings for that first devastating loss? (Cont. below cut)

I imagine that Hui had a sense of guilt and responsibility for Fisher's death. After all, Fisher was only out in that meteor shower because "Hui's projections were way off". Blaming Selberg/Hilbert for Fisher's death would allow Lovelace to posthumously absolve Hui of that guilt. Whereas to accept that Fisher's death was an accident is to accept that it was the result of decisions which held absolutely no malice or willingness to harm.

In Ep38 Happy Endings, after Hilbert reveals that he infected Fisher with Decima first, he has this exchange with Lovelace:

HILBERT But intention was never for anyone to die. Not unless unavoidable.  LOVELACE (realizing) But Fisher did die.  HILBERT Tragic accident. One which even your addled mind has to realize was not my responsibility.

The 'realizing' dialogue tag could be interpreted in a few different ways, but I think this is the moment Lovelace realises that Fisher's death - to echo Minkowski's description of Eiffel being stranded in deep space - "wasn't anyone's fault. It's horrible, and pointless, and it just happened." I think that's a different kind of pain, for Lovelace to realise that - despite the malicious forces around the crew - there was no one to blame for that first tragedy. 

Fisher was the first of Lovelace's crew to die. Lovelace broke her arm trying unsuccessfully to save him. It was the event that turned the first Hephaestus mission from a series of fairly trivial sources of stress, to something ominous that not everyone would come back from. It would be easy to view it as 'the beginning of the end' of the first Hephaestus mission. The period after Fisher's death was "a very difficult time" (as Lovelace describes it herself in Ep35 Need to Know), to the extent that Lovelace developed an "alarming" "dependence on painkillers" (according to Selberg's medical journal).

And there's something particularly heartbreaking to me about the fact that all of that could have happened on a mission without any of the sinister background that the first Hephaestus mission had.

[stelladess]

So I said I was gonna write something about an aspect of Amiya as a character that really hooked me when I saw the anime and made me go play the game.... So, I really like paragons. Superman, Adora, paladins in DnD, etc. So naturally I was already liking Amiya as a fairly paragon hero from the get go. A hero fighting for her ideals and with a strong moral compass. (Also big jacket is just great design) So, the moment I knew Arknights had its hooks in me... Lets talk about episode 7 and 8 of the anime. Skullshatterer, someone who essentially represents the very people Amiya wishes to save, tries to murder the doctor to save his sister (I actually got some very cult like vibes from Reunion in the early chapters as a group preying on people with very real problems and directing them into blind loyalty towards the group and their doctrine and hatred of those not in the group, this is of course moved away from in later chapters. I think the more morally gray anti-hero portrayal Reunion moves into over time works better overall, but I did find the kinda cult vibe fascinating too). It is of course a classic scenario to have a situation where the easy out is for a paragon to compromise on their morals but they still will not.... Except Amiya does. She kills Skullshatterer out of desperation to protect the doctor. And this horrifies her. The realisation that she is willing to compromise on her own morals because of her own fears and hangups makes her feel like a huge failure. Amiya is essentially a person *trying* to be a paragon, but her own flaws and situation often gets in the way of that.

This had me really intrigued, and it helps that the anime version portrays how badly shaken up by this Amiya is *really well* and the fallout with what Misha ends up doing in chapter 8 and such is also handled pretty well in the anime. I do think that the anime making Amiya more easily rattled by horrifying things then she is in the game has the potential to maybe undermine that scene in chapter 8 where Amiya breaks down crying once the mission is done, but it really improves the Skullshatterer and Misha arc. Amiya of course grows a lot from here, and we learn a lot more about *why* she sees it as such a personal failure to not be able to be a savior but it was a very interesting starting point to me and the thing that made me decide to check the game out. I wanted to know where Amiya´s arc would go from there and know why she was the way she was, why does a teenager believe it is her duty to save everyone? What drives her to be so dedicated to her ideals and where will she go from here? Will she gradually have her idealism crushed out of her (like what we eventually learn happened to Talulah) or will she persevere and manage to actually grow into the hero she feels she should be? Something entirely different?

My taste in media tends to lean... dark but hopeful. I like seeing characters plunged into the pits of despair manage to climb their way out and grow and become better then before, they may never be what they wanted to become, but they can still grow to be better.

Amiya has grown to be one of my all time favorite characters in anything.

[firewoodfigs]

The realisation isn’t groundbreaking or earth-shattering, as she’d anticipated it would be. It comes plain and simple, an acknowledgment she accepts with ease.

She loves Loid. With every fibre of her being. And she’s never really fallen in love with anyone before, so she doesn’t have a good precedent for comparison, but she’s fairly certain she does—even if she’d stuttered at Yuri’s probing earlier. The thought haunts her all through the night: in her sleep. In her dreams. When the morning comes, it rings again with certainty: she loves Loid. And how can she not, when he’s been so unimaginably kind and accepting and selfless, even in spite of her strangeness?

In the end, it’s the small things that do her in. Like the way he smiles fondly at Anya when he thinks no one is looking; or the way he listens attentively to their every spiel. Or the way he hands her mug with the handle facing her so she doesn’t scald herself, and the way he guides her when she stirs the pot with that endearing look of focus and affection.

Right now, it’s the way he offers her a sugar cube without her even asking. With that same soft smile, tearing through every shadow of doubt. I know you prefer your morning coffee sweet. And your omelette, too.

It should be embarrassing (and Yor doesn’t need a mirror to know she’s turned a fetching red), but it isn’t. Because he’s so loving in every way, and she thinks she would love him even if his flaws crack through, or probably because they do. He’s shown himself fallible more than once now, when exhaustion gets the better of him. Somehow that only makes her love Loid all the more. He’s not perfect, even though he often strives to be, and maybe someday she’ll pluck up the courage to mirror his words: you don’t have to be perfect all the time, Loid. You can rest easy in the knowledge that you’ll be loved no matter what you do, because that’s the way he taught her love should work. Unconditional, and never expectant. She longs to lift the weight of expectation off him, because it’s true: she would love him regardless, whether broken-hearted widow or struggling father, or sinner, or lying traitor—

Except she can’t, because she gets the order from Garden to kill him. Kill Twilight. Westalis’ greatest spy. A lying traitor, she thinks to herself bitterly, but the other half of her cleaved heart can only think, I love him. I still do.

It’s betrayal on every level, but love spins the ending: two hearts lovelorn, two lying traitors. A double-crossing of country, compatriot and self. A renegade escapes her brother’s grasp.

And her lover lives.

[enkihara]

Enki scarring hc post….

As previously established, Enki has an affinity to blood magic and, of my headcanon, has adapted his healing into being effective and fast, but not particularly to salvage his appearance. Most expected and notable is the heavy scarring on his wrists. This is the easiest place to access blood, it remains easy to cut, simple to manipulate and is visible to the caster. An arm can be moved and adjusted if needed, unlike other areas with similar access to main arteries. Most of the scarring is horizontal, varying from practically non-existent to still raised and red. They are more prominent on his left arm, because in my heart he is right handed. It is not impossible or discouraged to use his right arm, it is simply reserved to be more useful in different situations such as urgency due to closeness of the casting hand. Besides, it makes more sense to leave your non-dominant hand as the vulnerable one.

He also has a few vertical scars up his left forearm. These are older from his days of experimentation where he quickly realised that method was too destructive and potentially life threatening in comparison to straight across. After all, he is looking to harness blood and not actually kill himself.

His throat is in a similar state to that scarring up his forearms, in the sense that they are fairly old due to the inefficiency in comparison to his wrists as arterial access points. These remain more fresh than the vertical arm scarring though, as he will resort to his throat in a state of urgency or if given no alternate choice. He finds this method substantially more risky, he cannot see how badly he is bleeding at any given point due to its location. It is also greatly more uncomfortable.

He may have faintly damaged hands, knees, elbows and legs from his attempts to scale the steep and sharp walls of the well

He similarly may have various but subtle scars across his body simply due to his method of time-effective healing.

The long gloves and high neck of his robes are not present within other seen dark priests in game. This can be chalked up to his separation from priesthood due to his pilgrimage or personal change. It may be stated that he is simply of a separate division due to the widespread priesthood and that those in game wear a different uniform but i'm silly and choose to believe it is an active choice.

He is nonchalant about his scarring, not actively disclosing that they are there to others out of genuine lack of acknowledgement on his part. The scarring feels natural to him, it is nothing surprising or unexpected. After all, who else's blood could he possibly access?

Across his western travels it is more than likely that he learned his skills from other people, and with blood magic being common enough, it is agreeable that a large portion of priests and similar magic welders have such scarring. I choose to believe that Enki’s is more severe than average for a range of reasons stated prior.

I believe his specialisation came at a later time in his life, where his body is older and less capable of healing well, though his state of fragility does stem partly from his overuse of blood magic (compared to the average person)

I also want to hc that self-inflicted blood magic is discouraged when used by the average magic-wielding person, with dubious necromancy being a closely associated art, though this is not particularly backed by canon as all blood magic cast in game is taken from yourself.

I also like to hc that the sacrificial Alll-Mer ritual was a multiple day long event in which he was carved into as a sign of dedication to Alll-Mer. With this in mind I give him cross shaped scarring across the backs of his hands and his chest.

[ryttu3k]

Posting a list of Astarion-related plotbunnies I'll probably never get to so I'm setting them loose upon the internet.

If you decide to write any of these please let me know, I'd love to read them <3

1) Cazador gets sick of waiting for Astarion, and also what fun is being the Vampire Ascendant if you don't have anyone to subjugate? As Dufay feared, he gets scarred and used in Astarion's place for the ritual, and Ascended Cazador shows up in the middle of a bright sunny day at the Elfsong to try and reclaim his errant spawn, easily overpowering basically everyone. Gale, who's in the midst of a sweet slowburn romance with Astarion, basically goes, okay, look, we're currently the only ones who have a hope to defeat the Netherbrain, and you won't be Vampire Ascendant for much longer if mind flayers take over Toril. Side with us against it, and we'll give you Astarion after.

He's lying through his teeth and is very quick to tell Astarion that as soon as Cazador leaves, because once he has the Crown of Karsus :) he'll be able to take Cazador out :) no problem :)

The real struggle isn't just fighting a desire for power, it's fighting against something that will permanently change him but also give him the best possible chance to save his lover, versus giving up that power and staying Gale Dekarios, not losing his identity, but also now having to fight the Vampire Ascendant without all that power...

2) Astarion stays in the Underdark to assist with the spawn, and ends up striking up a friendship with Gandrel, who wants Astarion's advice on how to raise his spawn daughters. Fluffy slow-burn romance with his former enemy ensues. Could tie in with this delightful epilogue detail.

3) Short version: Astarion tries to do A Scheme only it backfires due to the fact that he's starting to experience Emotions like 'self-worth'.

Longer version: Astarion sets out to deal with (read: seduce) Gortash - gives him Ketheric's stone, says the others have gone off to fight Orin and get [x] back, and it'll be easy enough to get Orin's stone from them once they've done the hard work, telling Gortash that the others lack ambition or have other plans. Lae'zel wants to give the Crown to Raphael to free Orpheus, Gale wants it for himself, etc. Only Astarion can see Gortash's point - that they can run the Absolute cult, they can use the stones. Gortash, Astarion, and a certain Bhaalspawn who Astarion is fairly certain would be amenable…

His actual plan is to seduce Gortash, kill him when he's not expecting it, and take the stone and return to the others, because he's good at seducing people for a purpose, so why not just do what he's best at? Except he's suddenly realising that, huh, he actually doesn't want to just… be used any more, he likes the person he's becoming with resist!Durge, and it all feels a bit… icky, now…

4) Astarion + trust issues + being touch-starved for non-intimate touch. Astarion gets some kind of back injury (thorns or little shards of glass or splinters or something, not something terribly lethal but just painful to deal with) and has to confide in someone (Halsin would be good here) and let them see and touch his scars to help get himself fixed up. Bit of whump, bit of hurt/comfort.

5) "Oh, I tried them all. None of them answered." Astarion has Issues with the gods. Gale catches him vandalising the Open Hand Temple / Stormshore Tabernacle, and they talk about gods and their fickle attentions.

6) Astarion can't swim. Karlach offers him and Shadowheart swimming lessons (and promptly goes heart-eyes a bit over her white-haired elven boyfriend and girlfriend).

7) AU where Ulder isn't a Complete Garbage Person who disowns his teenage son, and instead accepts and helps Wyll as much as he can. The Blade of Baldur's Gate instead focuses on helping his city, and it's time to do something about that creepy gothic monstrosity known as the Szarr Palace…

[abyssalaerlocke]

Astarion & Hunger

So I'm going to talk about insatiable hunger through my own experiences, which were caused by a health problem.

My whole life I've always been hungry. As a kid, it was played off as 'having a hollow leg' and just being a growing kid. But it never stopped. I'm talking almost constant gnawing hunger pains, no matter what or how much I ate, it wouldn't go away. I would become painfully full while still painfully hungry. I flip flopped between eating constantly to try and make it go away, and giving up and trying to ignore and distract myself from it because food wouldn't help anyway — it took so much time and energy in my life, just to get nothing from it.

There are a couple quests in The Witcher 3 (probably based on folklore, etc.) where someone's been cursed with eternal hunger. The pain and drive consumes them, their life revolves around it, higher thought is difficult as they become feral with desperation. Even though it won't kill them — it just means they get to suffer without end. It's one of the worse curses I can imagine, something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Astarion talks a lot about the sun. He deeply enjoys it, and is driven by a fear of being confined to the shadows again. But he does mention hunger a few times. I think less so because the tadpole didn't free him from it — it's still such a ubiquitous thing for him, a pain that's the nature of existing.

I found out earlier this year that digestive inflammation can feel like insatiable gnawing hunger. It's commonly caused by gluten (also dairy, but I'm already vegan) so I decided to try cutting that out, and, yeah... It's been almost a year, and for the first time in my life I don't feel like I'm constantly starving. When I'm hungry, I make a meal, and I don't feel hungry anymore.

After my mom cut out a lot of major foods after finding out she had sensitivities, I said there were some things that if I found out it was causing existing symptoms (as someone with chronic pain, etc.) I still wouldn't cut it out entirely. Gluten was definitely one of those things. But that's because I never imagined not feeling hungry was on the table. It was just an inseparable part of being alive for me. When I found out it was optional, and had actual success, it completely flipped my life upside down.

The experiences are so far from each other, it's hard for most people to grasp the impact constant hunger has on a person (but people have difficulty understanding what it's like to live with chronic pain in general. It wears you down — physically, emotionally. It's exhausting, and you might not even realise how low your normal is, just that it's such a struggle to function like other people).

I think it's easy to not really realise the weight of hunger Astarion experiences — I'm not sure how much he even realises, himself — but the very first thing he says when he ascends is:

"I... I can't feel it. That ache in my stomach, that hunger — it's gone."

and he seems completely baffled by that revelation.

Note: this is immediately followed by "I'm free. I'm finally free!" Which, he's free of a lot of things now, but how it's placed with the previous line really lends weight to it.

When I think about all the ways he could experience the sun without ascending, and I'm in the head of a character who doesn't share my experiences with hunger — assuming a good leaning character who's focused on all the people who'll be sacrificed — choosing to not ascend him is a fairly easy, obvious choice. But when understanding the hunger Astarion experiences — and all the spawn that'll still experience it even if you free them so they can finally feed — I think even a good character could end up helping him ascend.

[paeliae-occasionally]

OC interaction tag!

Thanks @illarian-rambling for the tag!

Katie’s OC: Loqang is the Illarian god of rivers and loyalty, as well as a physchopomp for souls who died in service to another. He's uptight and formal compared to other Illarian gods, even a bit soft-spoken. Public speaking is not his strong suit, and it's easy to get him flustered. However, as the god of loyalty, he cares deeply about all mortals - not just the humans who worship him. He tends to meddle and get himself wrapped up in schemes in order to help folks. People underestimate his cunning, as it's not what they'd expect from a loyalty god.

Like all the gods of Illaros, Loqang fights an eternal battle against End, the starry-eyed godeater that lays siege to the galaxy. Because of this, he has some ptsd and has taken numerous blows to his divine essence, leaving him weaker than he was when humanity imagined him out of nothing. Though he is a kind person - more a person than a vast entity as, again, he was made in humanity's image - he'll stop at nothing to contain the threat End poses.

My OC: Ezemhaziel, god of refined magic and the runes. He falls in love with a mortal Rin, but another faction of gods restrain Ez as Rin is killed by mortals, as punishment for him sharing magic. This leaves him with deep hatred for the gods who betrayed him, and he loses all love for mortals as they killed his love. While he hates the gods, he mainly blames himself for not being powerful enough to stop them. He curses the runes, so mortals have to suffer as he suffered in order to use his magic.

He seeks solitude in a Demi-plane away from the world for many years. And eventually when he feels stronger, he returns to the world to right the wrongs of the past in what ever way he can. (We are leaving him pre-mages war for simplicity)

Interaction: I feel like they would get on fairly well. Ez is intensely loyal and I feel like Loqang would respect his undying love for Rin. Ez would very much respect Loqang’s sense of duty and loyalty as Ez has not met enough people with these qualities

However, with Loqang’s intelligence he would probably realise that Ez is not acting rationally. He might try to stop Ez attacking the gods, to which Ez would respond poorly and probably leave. He is not in a very healthy headspace.

Thanks! Tagging @somethingclevermahogony, @the-ellia-west and @drchenquill

[dayurno]

🤔I was thinking that some of the popularity could be because of the massive overlap between the trc and aftg (and somehow six of crows), or maybe it's just bc the aftg was being passed in book tumblr circles and soc and trc are popular on tumblr too, but there was this venn diagram that was inescapable back in the day with all three books, and trcs rlly popular, tradpub, loads of book instagram/youtubers made videos about it in 2016/17 then you'd look for recs with books like trc and people would recommend aftg though the books are way different to trc, there's crossover fan works too, maybe it's just because there's gay characters and both books deal with abuse. Idk this is probably the worst example ever but it's like how people would watch the untamed which was extremely popular then get into danmei, aftg would be a fairly hard series to find or to get get recced unless you were on tumblr maybe?

While writing this I realised for the book to even go around in ya tumblr circles it would've had to have been kind of popular in the first place🥲I wasn't here in 2016 but I was in 2018, I do think that if you got into trc and maybe soc which are more easy to get into since they're just more well known and find in bookstores you'd go on tumblr and find something to do with aftg the overlap between the two fandoms is crazy

OH FOR SURE i have not read soc but i did read trc and honestly it was shocking to me how different it was from aftg! the idea that these books overlap in anyway is insane to me. trc is a magical story about teenagers and friendship, aftg is a self-published sports anime masking as dead dove. perhaps people feel like trc's friendship theme is in any way alike to the foxes, but the idea just feels absurd to me; the foxes are barely even friends. sure they are neil's family, but each other's family? hard to say. for the upperclassmen, yes, sure, if they can ignore kevin and andrew and aaron. for the monsters i will gracefully decline to comment

now re: the untamed and getting into danmei............................. danmei is mostly if not entirely self-published and known for heavier themes, and to have a story blow up among chinese readers is already hard as it is; to blow up among international fans feels even crazier. it's a pretty fair comparison! i guess in a way soc and trc did pull most of aftg's fanbase, but i don't know if it was all of it. like fallenstarzz said, it was probably a strike of luck mixed with the general lack of complex yet easily accessible (white american) queer content at the time. we rave about the toxic yaoi now but in 2014-2018 the most 'problematic' queer content i can think of is killing stalking and its disciples, most of which were published by authors of color outside of the imperial core. i imagine aftg owes much of its fame to the whiteness and nearness of its cast and setting too. it was more than dead dove. it was toxic yaoi for white people

[charmsandtealeaves]

@jilytoberfest | 31 prompts | prompt 12

Prompt: sharing favourite books 

James Potter had watched curiously as Lily Evans hadn’t moved other than to turn a page in close to two hours. Whatever she was reading had her throughly engrossed in the tale. 

“Leave her. She’ll be there til she’s finished” Marlene had said stifling a yawn as the other girls drifted upwards to their dormitories for bed. 

The exit of her friends seemed to unphase Lily. If anything she was still unaware of anything going on around her. James tilted his head at a slight angle to see if he could get a glimpse at the front cover, but it was to no avail the way the book was propped up in Lily’s lap. 

“She only got it this morning. I saw it turn up in the post.” Remus remarked. “Must be good.”

“She’s always getting bloody book in the post.” added Sirius. 

It was true, at least once a fortnight a flurry of owls would drop several books onto the table at breakfast. 

“Her dad sends them. He reads them and if he thinks they’re good he posts them on.” replied Remus. 

“How’d you know that?” James asked. 

“I think you sometimes forget we’re friends. She told me. She’s also leant me a few.” Remus chuckled. 

James stared back across at Lily again. He was curious to know what had taken her fancy so much. But it was also likely that if he disturbed her immersion she’d be likely to jinx him again. So he waited. And waited. Until finally his friends had given up on him and gone to bed themselves, and the fireplace dimmed to small amber flames. Lily turned the final page and sat up stiffly, stretching out her limbs that had remained in place for so long. 

“Good book?” He asked. Lily jumped, slightly startled. 

“Bloody hell!” Lily squeaked, “You nearly gave me a heart attack.” 

“Sorry.” James mumbled.

“But yes it was quite good. I didn’t realise it had gotten so late.” She checked her watch and tutted at the time displayed. 

“What’s it about?” He asked. 

“Hmm? Oh it’s a new one by an American author. Apparently it’s doing quite good at the moment so dad bought it and said it’s a must read. I have to say I quite agree. It’s a murder mystery.”  Lily stood and handed him the novel.

The cover was white, the authors name in red and the title in black, The Thomas Berryman Number. James turned it over in his hand and gave the blurb a quick once over.  Three terrifying murders in the South culminate in a relentless manhunt in the North that centers on a ruthless assassin, the woman he loves, and the beloved leader he is hired to kill with extreme prejudice.

“I didn’t know you liked crime thrillers” James commented. “You ever read Miles Milton’s works?” 

“Can’t say I have.” Lily answered. 

“I’ve got a copy of the first in the series upstairs if you wanted to borrow it. It’s about an auror who goes around catching dark wizards and solving riddles.” James offered. 

“Oh go on then. I’ll need something new to sink my teeth into after that. I’ll loan you that one in exchange.” 

“Sounds like a deal Evans. I’ll bring it down to breakfast.” From then on it became fairly standard for the pair to trade novels. Peter even started joking they’d be making their own book club soon. Not that James much cared. Their shared love of thriller mystery novels opened a new avenue for him to venture down when it came to Lily. Discussing the books after they’d each read them made for an easy conversation that could last for hours without bickering or jinxing. It made it much easier for them to befriend one another and start to have common ground. There was also the added benefit that their new “book club” seemed to somehow unintentionally cause a front to Severus Snape.  “It’s because she sometimes lets you read them first.” Remus explained.  

“She never loans books to anyone without having read them herself first.” 

“Is it really that easy to get his knickers in a twist?” James asked. 

“Apparently.”