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thepencilnerd · 5 years

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Melophile | Part I

melo·phile- noun; a person with great love and affluent passion for music

➵ A piano major and a composition major collaborating for a final semester project. It seemed straightforward, right? But what if you were forced to pair up with the school’s most problematic genius, Min Yoongi? Add to that the fact that he absolutely hated your guts and you had the perfect recipe for disaster. How can someone you’ve never even met before despise you like a sworn enemy? Getting to know each other was hard enough, but what happens when the most beautiful, painful, and darkest secrets force the two of you to expose the thing you each guarded the most—your own emotions?

➵ pairing: min yoongi x reader

➵ genre: AU! enemies to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, slow-ish burn

➵ word count: 16k (sorry mobile readers)

➵ warnings: swearing, heavy angst, discussions of depression, rough sex, biting, marking, hair pulling, cumplay/eating, impreg kink, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), i’m screaming while writing these warnings

a/n: this was originally supposed to be a single post, but i’ve split it up into two. the second part can be found on my masterlist or under the #melophile ^^

Second, third, second, first, second, fourth—

“Again,” the voice snapped sternly.

Breathing deeply, you closed your eyes shut and clenched down on your teeth before playing again.

Second, third, second, first, second, third, fifth, fourth—

“Stop.” Letting out another sigh for what felt like the hundredth time in the last hour, your professor took off his glasses before pinching the bridge of his nose. “Why don’t we call it a day?”

Biting down on your tongue, you gave a curt nod and agreed reluctantly. Glancing at the clock, you saw that it was already fifteen minutes before nine.

“An hour and fifteen minutes of dealing with my bullshit. A new record,” you scoffed silently to yourself.

You hesitantly thanked your professor before holding the door for him and seeing him out. Today was a rough day. The whoosh of the door escorted you back into the cold room as your legs carried you back to the grand piano. Your relationship with Professor Powell was—complicated—to say the least. Although he was like a father figure to you and was the one who gave you the opportunity to attend university in the first place, it was always difficult to maintain a healthy student-teacher relationship, especially in the field of the arts. Hungry and impatient to improve, it was the teacher’s responsibility to make sure that they pressured their students but also know their limits. Push too much and they’d suffer the possibility of a mental breakdown, but not enough and the years of time, work and patience would all be for nothing

Taking a few minutes to massage your cramping fingers and tender wrists, you couldn’t help but burn holes and glare at your own hands.

“Is it really that fucking hard to follow the stupid numbers written on the damn sheet music? Useless. Absolutely useless,” you swore.

After another minute of self-deprecating criticism and voiceless outrage, you felt your throat constrict as frustration welled up inside your chest as questions of your own purpose began to arise. What were you doing with your life? Was this stupid degree really worth it? How were you even going to get a job with a degree in music?

“Idiot...” You muttered to yourself but stared coldly at the wooden creature directly in front of you. Cracking your knuckles, you took in a deep breath, held it for two seconds, and exhaled as calmly as you could. Concentrating on the finger numbers scribbled down above the notes, you gulped in anticipation, determined to get the last line of the piece down by tonight. One more time.

You’d been here since lunch and even opted to skip dinner just to save an hour to practice. Your professor sometimes came in at random to help supplement your practice hours, but it almost always ended up with him leaving an hour later, equally frustrated at the level of progress you hadn’t accomplished. It wasn’t your fault you didn’t do well under pressure, but you understood where he was coming from. Playing was hard, but playing with an audience was even harder.

Playing the first few minutes of Chopin’s Fantaisie Impromptu had now become a breeze, but the last section was always the part where you couldn’t take it anymore. Your fingertips became sweatier than a marathon runner’s forehead, your hands cramped like divers who had the bends, and your wrists felt like they had brick blocks tied to them at the joint.

14 sheets, seven pages, 138 measures, sixteenths on the right hand, and triplets on the left. The pain, tireless hours of practice, and feeling of desperation in the pursuit of the perfect chance to play— all that for six minutes of pure, unadulterated beauty. The puzzle pieces that clicked together in perfect harmony. In that precise moment, it was pure bliss.

In that exact moment, it was just you and the music.

You couldn’t describe how free you felt when you played. Each time your fingertips pressed down on the weighted keys, the melodic sound that reverberated deeply and throughout the room was what you lived for. It was a last-minute whim decision when you chose piano as your major. Sure, you’d been playing it since you were a child and loved it more than anything else, but you secretly worried that they’d fear for your future. Understandable, considering their generalized opinions on art majors, but thankfully, they were nothing short of supportive.

Originally, you planned to get into the business trend like everyone else. Truth be told, you didn’t know what you wanted to be, and that scared you, so it seemed like a safe, cookie-cutter option. While your classmates stressed out about finals, entrance exams, extracurriculars, job hours, and college applications, you went through a phase of feeling adrift. Lost, confused, conflicted, and utterly desperate in search of what you wanted to pursue in life, your overwhelmed mind remembered that you actually played an instrument.

You would be lying if you said the idea initially didn’t terrify you. What would you do with a degree in the music field? Playing was always a self-satisfying activity rather than something you did for attention, so you had no desire to play for an audience, therefore, playing as an accompanist was out of the question. To add to it, you couldn’t compose new pieces to save your life, so being a producer was also checked off early. Then you came across the idea of being a music teacher, which for some blindly stupid reason, you didn’t think first. Money was never the ultimate goal for you, and the opportunity to share your passion and knowledge with others clicked with you instantly.

Getting admitted into one of the country’s best art universities was something that you never envisioned happening in your wildest dreams. The audition was the first time you had ever played for an actual audience, and to say it went perfectly would be a painfully embarrassing lie. It was also your first time playing a high-quality grand piano, which added to the already intense pressure. You remember all-too-clearly how your fingers fumbled over the glossy, attributed to how you weren’t used to the feel of the new model of instrument, and you even messed up on the middle section of the piece. However, somehow, through the unexplainable, miraculous, and impossible powers of the universe, the panel of professors saw something in you and admitted you on a partial scholarship.

That short-lived period was already four years ago, and you were now in your second year of your master’s degree in the school’s associated graduate school. One more year and you were ready to venture off into the world as an adult.

Shaking off the storm of flashbacks and anxiety of foreshadowing you didn’t have the capacity to deal with right now, you turned back to the crumpled pages in front of you. Starting from the very beginning, your fingers began carrying themselves across the keyboard, allowing your muscle memory to come in swifter than a lightning strike. Scanning over the tornado of notes with quick eyes, your heart began beating faster as a familiar ache began to spread throughout your fingers. Pushing through the middle measure before the end, you willed yourself to get it right this time.

Once the ending excerpt began, you begged your hands to hold on for another minute. That was all you needed. Just one more minute…

Before you knew it, you had already sped through the remaining bars of music and finally made it to the last line, slowing down the tempo and letting the last few notes reverberate as they faded to quiet nothingness.

You did it.

Shooting up from the crinkly leather seat, you hopped around like a sugar-high energizer bunny. You finally did it. Nine treacherous hours of fruitlessly pounding at the keys and nearly tearing your hair out, and you finally did it. Maybe it was the delirium from yesterday’s all-nighter or the hunger starting to kick in, but you suddenly felt a rush of blood make its way to your head, causing you to clutch your temple and hunch over the piano for support. Taking it as a signal from your body that it was on the brink of breaking down, you decided to call it a night.

Packing up your things, you bid one last farewell to the creaking percussion instrument before clicking off the lights and leaving the room.

It was always a breathtaking experience walking through campus. The rustic buildings, blooming plant life, bustling students, and even the poorly paved concrete sidewalk made it all the more like home. As a student in the art department of the school, the secondary campus was smaller but more well-spaced than the main campus. Rather than have a bundle of tightly-knit classrooms arranged directly next to each other, the arts campus consisted of three main buildings that were spaced far apart and divided by green lawns and tree-lined pathways.

You were so distracted by your dream-like trance, you didn’t realize that you were already five minutes late for your lecture. Murmuring a string of curse words at yourself, you nearly ran into a lamppost before dashing across the lawn to class.

In a record time of two minutes, you managed to make it to the front door of the lecture hall. Willing yourself to breathe rhythmically to slow down your racing heart and strained panting, you slowly opened the door to see that an exponentially large number of students were still shuffling into their seats. Thankfully, Professor Powell was also in the midst of organizing the scattered papers on his desk but noticed you poking your head through the cracked open door. Ushering you in with a collected welcome, you bowed your head in a silent nod of appreciation and scurried to the few remaining seats available.

Looking around the strangely crowded room, you saw that the usual number of 20 to 30 people was now a lump sum of about 40 people. You recognized about half of the ones as those who shared your major, but the remaining were complete strangers. A loud cough and clapping of hands silenced the chattering students, making everyone turned their attention to the front of the class.

“Thank you all for making it today,” he announced. “You may have noticed that—”

The sound of the door swinging open halted the professor’s words as a student waltzed in. Sporting a black hoodie with torn jeans to match, you could barely make out the few stray hairs of beige blonde hair that poked out from underneath. His piercing stare could practically be felt from a mile away, and he made no comment or apology for his late entrance. Not even giving a second look to Professor Powell, the blonde boy found himself an empty seat in the back of the class, causing everyone around him to shift uncomfortably. Tossing his backpack carelessly to the floor, his presence alone was threatening enough to send chills down your spine.

Clearing his throat, the professor composed his thoughts before resuming speaking. “As I was saying,” he hummed. “You may have noticed that today’s class is particularly ample and that there are a few faces that aren’t in this major.”

The students all looked around in unison, picking out the faces they could clearly recognize and ever-so-slightly frowning in confusion at the ones they didn’t. A wave of quiet murmurs spread across the entire room, causing Professor Powell’s hands to clap aloud once more in an attempt to gather everyone’s attention.

“If you’ll all direct to the syllabus being handed out to you, you will find the rubric of your semester final project,” he enunciated. As if by cue, the person directly in front of you passed you a thick stack of papers. Peeling a page from the mountain of sheets, your eyebrows cinched together at the bold text.

MUS302 Semester Final Project

GROUP ASSIGNMENT IN COLLABORATION WITH THE SCHOOL’S THEORY-COMPOSITION MAJORS.

PAIRS WILL BE ASSIGNED.

“Now,” his voice boomed. “I’m aware that we still have four months before final exams are administered, but since this is a special occasion, you may find the extra time useful.”

You couldn’t hold back the nasal ‘hmph’ that escaped your throat. This had to be a practical joke. Your professor was never one to assign group projects, and this was certainly something that had never been done once in the history of the entire school. What was different? Apparently, you weren’t the only one who was dumbfounded at the news. A hum of voices began to arise as all the kids in the classroom began whispering to each other, the pre-meditated gossip already spreading like wildfire.

“I know that group projects aren’t exactly a common occurrence in this class and a collaboration with a group of students in a different major has never been done before, but music does not discriminate.” His firm words seemed to silence the loudmouths, replacing their incessant chatter with a few awkward coughs.

“This project will be worth 65% of your final grade and will replace your usual paper-formatted exam. It is mandatory, there will be no excuses, makeups, grade curves or supplementary extra credit, and it will go on your permanent transcript.” Taking the silent air in the classroom as an indication of their understanding, he managed to force out a tight smile through his enunciated words.

“Alright then. I will be choosing your partners for you and there will be no switching. Complain and email me about it and it will result in an automatic fail.” Sensing his stern tone, no one dared utter as much as a single moan of disapproval.

Professor Powell had a reputation for being one of the strictest teachers in the entire school, and it didn’t come without a reason. Within the first week of the semester, nearly half of the students always dropped his class. Although the reasons ran few and far between the inflexible grade curve and his borderline terrifying aura, not a single person doubted his raw ability and talent in the field of music. He was a legend and to learn under him was an honor in and of itself.

You were eternally grateful that you were able to get on his good side from the first time you encountered him at your audition, but that didn’t stop him from pushing equally, if not, even harder, than the rest of his students. His ardent passion for music and methods of teaching were of a caliber you’d never witnessed before and from the moment you stepped inside his classroom, you knew he would ignite and fuel your love for music more than flaming embers themselves.

“I will call your names in pairs and you will come up, sign your names on this sheet, and collect your partner record sheets. On this sheet, you will write down the dates and hours in which you have spent working on the assignment together—” he emphasized, “—and the progress you have made if any. Details of the project will be explained once everyone is all paired up.”

He began calling out random names in couples of two. The process of walking down the tiered seating, awkwardly greeting each other, signing names, and trudging back to their seats became so repetitive, you didn’t even notice that your name wasn’t called.

The professor's voice boomed once more, snapping you out of your daze. “If you were not called, please come see me after class.” Instantly, the people who shared your classes all turned to face you like a stack of falling dominos. Was it really that obvious? You weren’t aware that anyone knew your name, let alone the fact that you even existed.

Shifting uncomfortably in your seat, you tried to ignore the feeling of burning stares as you listened intently to what Professor Powell had to say next. You even went as far as taking notes to try and distract yourself from the eyes that lingered.

“This project is all about vulnerability.” His choice of words was surprising. Rather than go with the trust and teamwork trope, he decided to play the liability card. “You and your partner will be responsible for constructing an entirely new piece that embodies your two souls as musicians.” The sudden and clearly obvious attempt at being dramatic caused a couple chuckles to erupt from the room, making the professor laugh lightly as well.

“The piece should be a mixture of classical piano and may or may not involve the use of the composition majors’ programs or software. The time limit is a maximum of six minutes and the bare minimum is two. The piece needs to be one that constitutes who you are as artists,” he articulated. “The audience needs to see—feel—who you are through the music. Your happiest and most beautiful memories, your deepest secrets, and even your most painful experiences. Therefore, this requires you to get to know each other not just as musicians and creators but as human beings. Everything needs to be laid out on the table.”

Holding his hands behind his back, he started pacing slowly across the classroom, intent on making sure that the class understood the magnitude of importance this project encompassed. “You will argue, laugh, smile, cry, and you may even want to tear each other’s throats out with your teeth like feral packs of starving wolves—but know this; no matter the journey or path you choose to venture on, I guarantee that you will all come out of this as stronger musicians and even better artists.”

Everyone was nose-deep in their notebooks, jotting down each and every single word that came out of the professor’s mouth in an effort that it would secure them a better grade. Of course, you knew better than anyone that success in this class was never shown—it was earned.

“The deadline is the same week as finals and each piece will be performed in the school’s concert hall.” Looking around at the already-tired and worn out students, he opted to be the bearer of good news for the day. “I’ll be nice and let you all out early today,” he chuckled. “Go on and—”

Even before he finished his sentence, everyone was scurrying out of the class like a pack of rabid wolves eager for a new hunt. Sighing in exhaustion from the night before, your eyes wandered around the vacant classroom and settled on the black hooded figure sat across the room. Startled to see that he was glaring at you, you started hiccuping. Picking up your bag, you panicked and hurried to the front of the classroom, remembering what your professor had said about not having your name called.

“Professor?” you peeped quietly, already anxious at what he was going to say.

Pausing the shuffling of his papers, he turned to face you. “Ah, _____,” he noted. Beckoning to someone behind you, you could only assume the worst as the sound of scuffling feet made its way to you. “You will be working with Yoongi for this project.”

An audible gulp escaped when you tried to swallow down your apprehension. Facing the figure that was now standing beside you, he had taken off his hood, leaving his messy beige blonde hair exposed in all its glory. Now that you were standing close to him, you even saw the glint of a small hoop earring when the sunlight bounced off of his ear. You forced out an apprehensive smile and held out your hand as a greeting. The passing silence gave you an opportunity to study his facial features as well. With smooth pale skin, angular cat-eyes, and a soft but chiseled face to tie it all together, it would be a sin to deny that he was indeed good looking.

‘Heartbreaker,’ you immediately thought.

“I’m _____,” you greeted as warmly as you could, given the tension in the air. Why was he acting like you’d just kidnapped and hopped past three state borders with his pet hamster? Exactly four seconds had passed, (yes, you counted) and he simply raised an eyebrow at your feeble attempt at a civilized handshake. His hands were tucked in the pockets of his hoodie, making you wonder if he was too lazy to pull them out or if he acted like this with the general population. To save your already-bruised ego, you opted to go for option C. Maybe his hands were cold.

Still quirking an eyebrow at your hand, you quickly lowered it, looping your finger under the strap of your backpack to hide your embarrassment. “I’m aware,” he commented dryly. Furrowing your brows slightly, you tried not to show your evident confusion. Had you two met before?

“Ahem. _____, I’d like to politely introduce you to Mr. Min Yoongi; your equal in my composition class,” the professor filled in, trying to ease the tension. “He is another one of the school’s prodigies and my star students, so I thought it’d be best if the two of you partnered together for this project. Seeing as you two excel greatly in your respective fields and are of the highest ranking in your major, it should be a breeze.” Professor Powell drawled out the last word, making you quirk your head. His tone was too sarcastic for your liking.

“Pleasure,” Yoongi said with a hoarse purr in his voice, lifting his chin as a makeshift nod of acknowledgment, you pressed your lips together tightly in response. He still had his hands tucked in his pockets. When you turned back to Professor Powell, he had already gathered his things and was waving goodbye, the closing whoosh of the door leaving you alone with the cold embodied demon of a boy. Great.

“Do you want to—” You tried to initiate a conversation but were cut off by his immediate words.

“Here’s my number. Text me when you want to work on the project. Don’t bother if it’s about anything else.” With a sullen and near spiteful tone, he handed you a torn piece of paper with a scribble of numbers on it. Just as you were about to ask him if he had time today, he was already out the door.

You scoffed. “What the hell is his problem?” you seethed. It wasn’t like you had crossed paths with him, nor were you aware of any instances in which you’d even met him. Hell, you didn’t even have any friends.

Examining the bundle of scribbles on the torn piece of paper, you begrudgingly added the number into your phone.

“Min...” You began typing but smirked when another nickname came into mind. “Min Salty.” Not the best nickname you could’ve come up with, but wasn’t any worse than his shitshow of an attitude. Raking your hands through your hair in sheer frustration, you told yourself to calm down and compose yourself. You had to push through for the project. This grade meant everything and you’d be damned if you let some jerkwad of a pre-pubescent boy mess it up for you.

Two weeks passed and you had yet to speak to Yoongi about the project. You could have messaged to him as soon as he gave you his number, but each time you typed up a text to send, it ended up being saved as a draft. Your pride mocked you, asking questions like, “Why hasn’t he texted you?” or “Why should you be the one to text first?” In reality, it didn’t matter who texted who and it was past the line of being childish. If that was the case, then why couldn’t you just press the stupid fucking send button?

In actuality, you were the least bit ashamed to admit that you were intimidated by him. Whenever you tried to approach him in the hallways during passing periods, you were met with a menacing glare that made you curl back into your shell like a hermit crab. On top of that, whenever you did manage to single him out in the crowded parts of the campus, he’d oh-so-conveniently start walking in the exact opposite direction, almost as if he was purposely avoiding you.

Then the fateful day came when you gathered all the courage you could muster and caught him strolling into the on-campus café. You had him cornered. Entering the comfy bistro, the familiar chime of bells and the warm scent of ground coffee welcomed you with open arms.

Searching through the crowded tables, your eyes landed on a single person sitting alone by the window booth. He stuck out like a sore thumb. Perching his hand under his chin while looking through the clear glass, his eyes bore the same expression as they did when you first met them; rigid and burning with intensity, yet lost and precarious. When he turned his head around, his stare widened for a moment when he noticed you. Quickly ducking down, you shifted your jaw and huffed. Did he think you were blind or something?

Puckering your lips, you marched over to the booth while feigning conviction in your walk. Fake it until you make it, right? At least, that’s what all the cool kids used to say...

“Hi,” you greeted as you sat down. Yoongi’s eyes refused to me yours and kept writing down notes, choosing to maintain his focus on his laptop screen. “Hey,” he replied curtly. Biting down on your lower lip, you pulled out your laptop and began talking about the project. It wasn’t worth it to pick a fight today. You had a project to start.

“So I was thinking—”

“I have to get to my next lecture,” he droned, voice completely null and void of any detectable honest emotion. “Text me later.” Jotting down something quickly in his notebook, he folded up his stuff and practically shoveled it into his bag before getting up and running off.

“But—” you sputtered. But of course, he was already out the door. Judging by his short paces and urgency to get as far away from you as possible, he was probably skittering halfway across the campus by now.

Clenching your jaw, you bit down as hard as you could on your teeth as if you were getting stitches without anesthesia. What the actual hell was his problem? Did you say something that offended him? Were you secretly the reincarnation of someone who murdered him in his past life? Then you found yourself asking the same question once again: Had you even met him before this semester?

Hunching over the table, your fist slammed down on the wooden surface, earning a few judgmental stares here and there from bystanders. Complain to the professor and get a fail. Partner with Min Yoongi and get a fail. “Work” with Min Yoongi and get a fail because the word itself would entail absolutely nothing, therefore, nothing would actually ever get done.

It was at that moment you realized that you were absolutely and royally fucked.

Another week passed and you were already past the point of giving up. You managed to catch Yoongi a few more times and have a 15-second conversation with him before he bullshitted that he had a lecture to go to.

Yoongi was intentionally avoiding you. The best part?

You hadn’t a single clue why. Even though it was pointless to mope around and sulk like a wilting houseplant, you still made it to your daily self-practice sessions. Strangely enough, your professor never made any well-timed entrances during the midst of your playing, making you wonder whether it was because of the project or if he was simply busy with other things.

After three weeks of stressing out over the project that you hadn’t even started yet, a night well-spent in the practice room seemed like the perfect way to blow off some steam. Sure, playing while you were at your happiest and most joyful was the most enjoyable experience, but grazing and striking down on the keys while you were holding something deep inside of you was something entirely different. It was almost an out-of-body release; physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Once you were trapped in the practice room for a couple of hours and finished pounding out your frustrations, (and hearing the growl of your stomach) your mind was exhausted and spent. You could’ve sworn that you heard a distant humming of music coming from the room next door, but maybe it was just your ears playing tricks on you. No one else was ever here at this hour...

When it didn’t fade after a couple seconds, you started to get creeped out. Poking your head through the crack of the door and into the dimly lit hallways, you looked left and right as you tried to find the source of the humming. Were the ceiling pipes leaking? A minute of trying to think of what the sound could be when a loud thump reverberated four doors down from yours.

Tip-toeing carefully to the slightly ajar door, you crinkled your face each time your shoes squeaked on the floor. Now that you were in front of the door, the humming and thumping wasn’t actually just white noise, but rather the sound of a melodic chorus playing from inside.

The euphonious sound of the piano and an added bass made your eyes drift shut, the harmony of the notes slowly lulling you into a trance of serene relaxation. You couldn’t hold back your curiosity any longer. Telling yourself you’d regret it later, you stood up from your hunched position and glanced through the clear pane of the door. Moonlight streaked into the enclosed space and onto the glossy shell of the piano, bouncing off and reflecting onto the face of a person.

Min Yoongi.

Your mouth parted in surprise. Why was he here this late? Did he compose this himself? Was this for the project? A plethora of questions suddenly plagued your mind—but the most prominent of all presented itself on a silver platter.

Why wasn’t he playing?

You narrowed your eyes and blinked forcefully, trying to see if your eyes were deceiving you. There was music playing and it was, in fact, coming from this exact room. However, his hands were resting comfortably on his lap and his eyes seemed to be staring with disdain at the instrument.

“It must be coming from the speakers...” you thought. “Of course, it’s coming from the speakers, you idiot...”

The music suddenly shifted in tone; the bass became heavier, the tempo quickened, and a synth pad followed an orchestra of strings. As the piano keys slowly thinned out into a hushed melody, it went from being the main instrument at the start of the piece to nothing more than background static.

With each passing section, the piece became darker as the once soothing melody became distressed and tortured. Yoongi was sitting as calmly as ever in the leather chair of the piano. Resting with a slight hunch in his back, his head was leaning to one side as he continued to stare ominously at the uncovered black and white keys.

When the piece reached the end of its crescendo, the tune ended abruptly without a brighter finishing section or lively coda. It was over. At the same moment, Yoongi’s blank gaze found its way to yours. He blinked out of his sullen daze and when your eyes met each other’s you could’ve sworn his eyes were watering. Remembering that your mouth was still parted, you clamped your jaw shut and widened your eyes. Then, without giving it a second thought, you sprinted down the hall and ran across the campus back to the dorms.

For the rest of the night, you couldn’t find it in yourself to fall asleep. Every fiber of your being tossed and turned throughout the night as your mind desperately tried to repress the question. Hours of sweating, shuffling around in the blankets, and a couple bathroom trips later, you kicked off the covers and placed your hand on your burning forehead. It was no use—the question burned a hole inside your heart like a raging fire that showed no signs of extinguishing.

What was Min Yoongi hiding?

Throughout your life, you hadn’t had the honor of meeting many people who had infuriated you half as much as Min Yoongi did. The end of another unproductive week was nearing and you had yet to start on the project. Enough was enough.

Throwing your things into your backpack, you thanked your teacher for the class and then proceeded to dash across the lawn to the Bungalow Building. Weeks of constantly trying to find Yoongi and catch him by the collar after class had left you with detailed knowledge of his schedule and classes. Others may call it stalking, but you preferred to call it chance determination.

Standing outside door 240, you stood anxiously on your heels while you waited for the students to pour out. When they did, you peeked in to see Yoongi slouched on his desk, clearly in no hurry judging by how sluggishly he was collecting his things. It was now or never.

Waving a small greeting and excusing yourself for entering the classroom, you gestured to Yoongi in the hopes that the professor would understand. Thankfully, she simply smiled in return and carried on with her business of gathering papers.

You practically skipped like a child to where he was sat, satisfied at the revelation that he had nowhere to run. Standing over his desk, you slammed your palms onto his table and made him jump at the sudden impact. His eyebrows turned into a questioning frown and he stared at you with a vacant expression.

“We’re working on the project today.” Stating your main point firmly, his mouth opened to say something, but you weren’t letting him win today.

“Don’t say that you have to get to a lecture because I know damn well that this was your last class for today. Professor Powell told me that you don’t work so you don’t exactly have a job that you need to go to, so you can cross that off of your excuse list, too,” you rambled.

His mouth was still parted open, but his face suddenly morphed into an awestruck smirk. Your heart was pouring out the never ending buckets of frustration and humiliation, and at this point, it was evident to you that your emotions had full control over your head.

“To add to that, our project is due in three months and we have spent the past month doing absolutely nothing, and I’m not sure about you, but I don’t exactly plan on failing this class because my asshole of a partner hates my guts for some godforsaken unknown reason.”

Taking a moment to take in a much-needed breath of air, Yoongi shut his mouth and nibbled on the inside of his cheek in order to hold back a cocky grin. Darting his tongue out to wet his lips, he slung his backpack over his shoulder and stood up, height now towering over you.

“I was going to say that I got started on the first subject,” he grinned with pure insolence saturating his voice. Studying your reaction with heavy eyes, he raised his eyebrow for a split second as arrogance practically seeped from every speck of his face.

His unintentional actions and fully intentional methods of provoking you all these weeks had indeed tested your patience, but also helped you grow a thick skin to rebuke his antics. All you could do was clench down on your jaw and compel yourself to grin.

“Off to the café then?” you offered, voice sounding a little too sweet for your own good. Shrugging nonchalantly, he trailed behind you as the two of you began en route to the place where you would hopefully manage to get something done. Strong emphasis on hopefully.

As you eyes grazed over the waves of notes, you could only bear an expression of awe and amazement; the chorus was breathtaking.

“You wrote this?” you coughed, nearly sputtering out your coffee.

Swishing his drink around his mouth carelessly, he gave you a curt nod.

“Why didn’t you–you should’ve called or—” Your brain was short circuiting like a cheap computer monitor as you tried to find the right words to say. “This is supposed to be a group project, we have—”

“I work better alone.” He stated it as if it were a fact that everyone with common sense knew by heart.

Gulping down another mouthful of your scorching hot drink, you told yourself that the burning sensation was just the liquid courage doing its work, gathering the confidence to carry on the conversation. “Is this what you were playing in the studio the other day?”

In the process of bringing the porcelain cup to his lips, he froze halfway. His Adam's apple bobbed and he licked his lips before setting the cup back down. “I wasn’t playing...” he replied quietly, staring at his hands that were now fumbling in his lap.

Tension immediately filled the air as you ran out of things to say. “Do you hate me?” you asked bluntly. Judging by the way his eyes shot up immediately and widened, you took it as a sign that he was taken aback by your straightforward and bold query.

“I—” he stuttered. “I don’t—”

Seeing the way his tongue tangled on his words made you let out an amused chuckle. It was the first time you’d witnessed his cool guy image crack. Gaining newfound confidence at the way he crumbled, you leaned forward and leaned your cheek against your hand, propping up your elbow.

“Why?” you asked simply. There had to be some kind of reason, right?

“I don’t hate you,” he answered firmly, his cold personality resurfacing once again. “Can we get back to the project now?”

Narrowing your eyes at his defensive attitude, you opted to go for your second icebreaker. “What were you doing alone in the studio that late?”

Yoongi’s eyes remained stone cold when he spoke. “What were you doing in the studio that late?” he retorted. His smart mouth made you want to wipe the table with his smirking face.

Deciding to drop the topic, you bit your tongue to told back the flurry of curse words that would definitely explode if you opened your mouth. “What do you want the theme for the piece to be?” Thinking quick on your feet, you remembered that you had an assignment to work on.

“Do you usually write—” you paused to try and think of a way to say it that wouldn’t offend him. “—mellow tempo songs?”

“If you’re asking if I only write depressing shit, the answer should be obvious,” he spat out harshly. You swore his mood changed quicker than the water pressure in your dorm shower.

“I just wanted to get to know you as a person. What kind of music you like to listen to, the genres you prefer to write—” you rambled nervously, trying to back up your earlier question.

Slamming down his cup onto the table, you were couldn’t tell what surprised you more—the fact that the cup didn’t shatter or that he was already ticked off. “How about you stop acting like you’re genuinely interested in getting to know me for the sake of a fucking project and focus on getting this shit done as soon as possible?” he hissed through a locked jaw.

You couldn’t hold back the nasal huff that came out. “I’m not—”

But before you could defend yourself, Yoongi had already collected all of his things and stood up. Gritting his teeth, you could practically smell the smoke coming off of his head.

“Practice room 2B at 3:00 tomorrow. Don’t be late.” With the meetup sounding more like a threat than anything, he turned away and strolled out without as much as a second glance.

For as long as you could remember, you’d always been a fighter. Hardheaded would be another word for it, but you were too stubborn to even admit that. When the teacher finished up summarizing the lecture and thanked the class for their attendance, your heart instantly felt heavier. Each step you took closer to the designated practice room felt like trekking in quicksand. Why did you always seem to suffocate at the thought of Yoongi?

Occupied by your racing thoughts, you were already at the front of the practice room. Cracking open the door, your eyes instantly landed on Yoongi. He was sitting in front of the piano with an unreadable expression. Sorrow? Pain? Anger? Today, he was wearing a graffiti patterned black hoodie—with the hood slung over his head, of course—and his signature distressed jeans.

Coughing lightly, your presence broke him out of his trance. Raising his head to you in the same half-ass nod he gave you at your first meeting, you brushed it off, grateful that he even acknowledged you at all.

Yoongi stood up and pulled out a separate chair, placing it beside the piano so that it was a healthy distance from you and the instrument. Thanking him silently for giving you the leather seat, he took out a few pages of blank sheet paper and placed it on top of his notebook.

“Do you want to play what you came up with?” he asked dryly, clearly already bored out of his mind. Clearing your throat out of habit, your hands started to fumble with each other as your nerves washed over you yet again.

“Here’s the thing...” you started, chuckling awkwardly. “I’m really bad at composing structured pieces?” The confession came out in the form of a question rather than a fact due to your high-pitched voice. It took you by surprise when he didn’t interrupt you this time around.

Assuming you weren’t finished with your statement, Yoongi kept his eyes glued on you with an eyebrow raised. God, you could practically drown yourself in the amount of hypercriticism he emitted.

“But I’m pretty sub-par at improvising,” you quickly said, hoping you would be able to make it at least two minutes without getting on his bad side today.

Leaning back into his chair, he set his notebook down and crossed his arms. “Go for it,” he exhaled, gesturing to the piano with a jut of his chin.

With cold hands, scratchy throat, a racing heart, and nerves that almost made you hiccup, your fingers touched the keys and instantly made you feel at ease. Closing your eyes, you stroked over the smoothly glazed plaques of wood and breathed in deeply, tuning out your surroundings like the flick of a light switch.

You started off with a soft waltz; simple, light, and sweet. The tune took you back to the days of your first piano lessons with your mother, the gentle melody making the memories of your carefree childhood resurface like swirls of smoke.

Improvising the second subject, you found yourself playing a much darker and somber chorus than you usually did. As you began pressing into the keys with an urgency you didn’t know you had, your memories became melancholy, bringing you to the times in high school; the long nights when you would walk through the empty field and think about what you wanted in life; the endless days when you felt lost; the feeling of emptiness that still lingered within you to this day.

“Everything needs to be laid out on the table,” you professor’s words echoed in your head like a broken record.

Coming to the end of the phrase, your mind wandered to the future, envisioning a life where you would not only be successful and make lots of money, but have a career in your field of passion; one where you could spread your love of music with others and maybe help them find themselves as well.

Transitioning smoothly into the familiar style you usually stuck with, the lighthearted song filled the room like morning fog. Soon enough, the piece came to an end, and you were left in the quiet space that was the studio. Your fingers still lingered on the keys, the tingling sensation of satisfaction and self-accomplishment lasting for only as short as the piece had gone by.

Finally pulling away from the keyboard, you turned your head to see Yoongi studying the piano with a half-lidded gaze. Snapping his head out of his trance-like state, he swallowed tentatively and nodded his head.

“You were right,” he started. “You are pretty sub-par at improv.”

You took slight offense to his harsh and judgmental tone, but when you the smirk creep up on the corner of his lip, you punched his shoulder jokingly.

“Ass...” you mumbled, making him let out a ghost of a chuckle as well in response. Raising his hands up in defense, he shrugged his shoulders and made a playful expression. Was it you or did his mood just do a full 180?

Looking down into your lap, you massaged your hands habitually, the remnants of tingling nerves and rushing adrenaline still coursing through your fingertips. Whenever you were around Yoongi, moments between speaking always felt like ominous intervals before the next argument or uneasy pauses filled with dread, but the previous five seconds was a scene you’d pay a million dollars to relive over and over again.

“So, what does the genius Min Yoongi have in mind for the finalized piece?” you wondered out loud, taking his momentary decent mood as an opportunity to spark up a civil conversation for once. Rubbing the back of his neck, he hung his head and stared at the ground awkwardly as his tongue prodded the inside of his cheek.

“That’s his thinking face…” you noted. For some reason, you had a gut feeling that you’d become well-acquainted with it by the end of the semester.

“Let’s just start from the beginning,” he replied, speaking more to himself than to you. Reorganizing the sheets of paper on his lap, he twirled his pencil in his hand and began scribbling down a series of notes. After a couple minutes of craning your neck at an uncomfortable angle to see what he was writing down, he placed the page onto the music rest in front of you.

Your jaw nearly unhinged from its socket.

Pointing at the fully marked sheet of paper, you were able to make out the sections of music you heard that night when he was alone in the practice room as well as parts of the improvised piece you had just played a mere few minutes ago.

“How the hell did you do that…” you spoke softly, staring in complete awe. Raising an eyebrow as if you had just asked what color grass was, it took him a few seconds before he comprehended your question.

“Oh. I’m pretty good at memorizing music,” he stated matter-of-factly. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Tucking your chin down and staring at him with an ‘are you being serious right now’ expression, your jaw was still agape. “Yoongi, you memorized and transcribed a piece that I practically pulled out of my ass and combined it with yours perfectly.”

When you tried to emphasize each word so that he would be able to understand your shell-shocked state, he just shrugged. You even counted the four words you dragged out on your fingers, but he could have cared less.

“Like I said,” he spoke with a pout. “It’s not a big deal.”

“But—" you stuttered.

Cracking his neck to stop you from blubbering any more nonsense, he pointed to the page in front of you. “Do you want to get this project started or what?” Nodding a little too enthusiastically for your own good, the two of you went to work on the piece.

Days blurred into weeks as you and Yoongi started to warm up to each other. Some days, you’d find yourselves getting overwhelmed by the blurred papers of notes and out-of-tune chords, and the only way you refrained from murdering each other was to take long breaks. Sometimes you’d talk and other times it’d just be five minutes of painful silence.

“It’s not right,” Yoongi huffed to himself. Running his hands through his hair, he slanted his head and scowled at the piano.

Freezing your hands and hovering over the keys you’d just played, you felt your mouth go chalky. “Are you– do you mean the chord or– the way I played it?” you squeaked, not entirely used to his unpredictable temper tantrums.

Waving his hands assuringly, he shook his head. “No, no, no, it’s not you,” he grumbled. “You didn’t do anything wrong, don’t worry.”

Blinking at his suddenly gentle temperament and caring response, you sat still for a few more seconds while he paced around the room with his copy of notes in hand. Gnawing the inside of your cheek, you played from the beginning section of the excerpt, but rather than play the entire measure with the assigned minor chord, you switched a couple bars to their equivalent major key. This, in turn, caused the formerly sullen and melancholic tune to shift into a brighter and happier theme.

The slight change in scale made Yoongi’s ears perk up like a cat. Walking back over to where you were sat, he gestured with his hands in a circled scooping motion, urging you to repeat whatever you just did. Holding back a snort at his childish reaction, you shook your head and grinned as you replayed the excerpt.

Furrowing his brows in confusion, he looked at his sheets and at the keys you’d changed, moving back and forth between the keyboard and his notes. “Hmph...” he hummed against his throat. “Nice job.” Erasing a few of the notes and copying them down onto his paper, he tapped the sheet with the end of his pencil and waited for you to continue playing.

Nostrils flaring at the plain and seemingly backhanded compliment, you squinted your eyes and pushed out a forced toothless smile and accepted the recognition nonetheless.

“Yoongi?” Your voice came out hesitant.

Not looking up from the paper he was doodling on, he let out a faint 'hmph.’

“Why don’t you play?” The question came out in a whisper quiet enough not to disturb a sleeping baby.

Yoongi’s breath hitched in his throat immediately as he clenched his pen. Balling his other hand into a fist, his knuckles turned white at the sheer force, and his jaw muscles tensed with a ripple. Slamming his pen down, the crack of plastic could be heard throughout the room.

“I don’t play.” Although his answer was short and simple, his unnerving tone said otherwise.

“Bullshit,” you called out instantly. “Everyone in comp plays and you know the theory for it better than anyone.”

“Anymore,” he added, teeth gritting as his fist crumpled the piece of paper he was writing on.

“Why?” you asked mindlessly. He wasn’t getting away from you this easily. There had to be a reason.

“I just don’t, okay?!” he shouted all of a sudden. Shooting up from his seat, he lashed out at you with malice, hostility dripping like a deadly venom that had no antidote.

Collecting his things, he stomped out of the room and made sure to slam the door on his way out, leaving you alone in the room you had gotten too used to being by yourself in. Tears began to prickle your eyes but you swallowed them down along with the growing lump in your throat. You didn’t have a single reason to cry, let alone for him, so why did it seem like your emotions were betraying you?

Hiding in the alley next to the music building, Yoongi leaned against the cold brick wall for support. Breathing heavily, his throat was as dry as sandpaper and his tongue felt like it was superglued to the roof of his mouth, while his shaky hand was pressing on his chest, willing himself to calm down.

His pulse was racing faster than the engine of a sports car and it felt like his heart was pounding so hard against his ribcage that it was about to shatter. Each time he inhaled deeply, it was as if he didn’t have room to exhale and his lungs felt like they were balloons one single puff from bursting.

Shutting his eyes tightly, he counted backward from ten. The aching lump in his throat made its way up to his eyes as the budding tears made his eyes glassy.

“It’s not working,” he pointed out to himself. “Why isn’t it fucking working?”

The hands that were always buried inside his hoodie, still and unmoving were now shaking violently like drops of water on a burning hot and oiled pan. A gut-churning feeling began bubbling in his stomach as the visceral reaction at your statement triggered him into a full-blown panic attack.

“Just fucking breathe,” he panted, struggling to not choke between gulps of air.

Everything around him started to feel heavy as his limbs nearly collapsed under him like a row of dominoes. Bending down into a crouching position, he supported himself against the wall and tucked his head into his knees.

“It’s okay,” he told himself. “You’re okay.”

Squeezing his hands with a painful and near numbing amount of pressure, Yoongi took a few more deep breaths until his tears dried into stains on his cheeks.

Never again...

Slamming your fingers onto the chord, annoyance began to take over like a plague. This was the 44th time Yoongi had made you play the last segment of the piece. Forty. Fourth. He hadn’t asked you to, no, no no—he quote on quote “agitatedly requested” it.

“Yoongi,” you sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of your nose as your elbows slammed onto the keys, producing a sickeningly unpleasant and revolting sound. For some reason, it actually made you feel relieved to hear a different sound that wasn’t the same set of chords that you’d been repeating or Yoongi’s incessant badgering.

“We’ve been trying to fix this for two hours straight and I’m sure nothing’s in need of fixing,” you reasoned. “Can we please just take a two-minute break?” Wincing unconsciously, your face contorted into a pained expression as you massaged your burning fingers and aching forearms.

There were three sections of the piece. Yoongi decided to construct the format based off of what a sonata would be; the exposition, development, and recapitulation. It was also fancy talk for a lively beginning, depressing middle, and a combined ending of the two.

If playing the 6-minute piece wasn’t torture enough, it was your genius idea to incorporate a thrilling finishing coda, which was basically a shitstorm of flying hands with steroid-filled trills, arpeggios, and staccatos. Therefore, it was safe to say that the last section of the entire piece was the most intense.

Although the test of stamina and muscle memory was also at play, Yoongi’s tastes in voicing certain keys and your style of playing couldn’t have been more different. You soon learned that his pieces required varieties of slow, soft and drawled out notes as well as hard and borderline violent slams of keys without any pedals. You also discovered that depending on the day, he was open to letting you have more creative freedom in playing with the tones and tempos, but today was not one of those days.

“Fine,” he grumbled, his voice making it evident that he hated nothing more than being hindered in his work process because of someone else’s problems.

Sighing in thanks, you spread your fingers apart into an outstretched position and accidentally cracked a few joints, hissing unexpectedly at the shooting pain that resulted from the action. Knitting his eyebrows into a quizzical frown, Yoongi sat down next to you without warning, startling you to scoot aside.

“Give me your hands,” he said. Guarding your hands close to your chest, you shot him a questioning stare before he rolled his eyes and grasped your wrist gently.

Letting out a pained yelp, you thought you saw his jaw clench in anger, but the facial tick disappeared as soon as it had appeared. Without saying anything, he began massaging your hands, relaxing your tense muscles.

Contorting your face at the soothing yet painful acupressure, you struggled to speak through the pain. “You don’t have to—”

“Shut up.” His eyes remained on your hands, examining them while kneading them as if they were finely carved marble sculptures. Whenever you tried to pull your hands away, he tsked at you and kneaded extra firmly into a particularly sore spot.

After a couple moments of silence, Yoongi was the first to speak. “Does Powell know?” You tilted your head, confused at his question.

Sighing, he paused his calming rubbing and lifted your hand up and held it still. Your eyes widened. It was impossible.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you laughed dryly, playing it off as a misunderstanding.

There was no way he knew.

“_____—” he spoke softly but you were the one to cut him off this time. Snatching your hand away from him a little too harshly, you turned back to the pages laid in front of you.

“Let’s get back to the piece,” you warned. Your sudden frigid tone made Yoongi swallow uneasily. It was the first time you had spoken to him in that kind of manner and even he was taken aback. He didn’t want to make you feel any more exhausted than you already were so he dropped it.

There was absolutely no way that he knew anything.

The red lights of your alarm clock flashed 10:57 p.m. Safe in the comfort of your cruddy single-student dorm room, you were in the process of brushing your teeth and getting ready for bed.

Dancing and hopping around like a maniac to a random indie playlist, your hall mates were away for the week-long school break. You felt it’d be best if you stayed and indulged in the empty campus. It was only a week anyway and the next long break wasn’t until after finals. As a result, the entire block of your dorm was empty and unoccupied, and you were a very happy camper.

With hair was still damp from your shower and wrapped up into a bun, you knew without a shadow of a doubt that it would be a dented mess by tomorrow. You almost swallowed the bubbles of toothpaste when you jumped along with the chorus of the song and the simultaneous buzz and ping of a notification sounded from your bed.

Tilting your head to one side, you contemplated who in the world would be texting you this late at night. Skipping in-beat with the music to your phone, your energetically bouncing shoulders slumped instantly when you read the text.

Min Salty: practice room 1A. i’m dying. [11:01]

You have got to be kidding. It was 11 o’clock on a Friday night and this lunatic was texting you to come and work on the piece? Wasn’t he away for break like everyone else? In the midst of typing out an excuse that you were sick, his name popped up on the screen in the form of a phone call.

Swiping the accept icon reluctantly, you managed to breathe into the microphone before his voice boomed through the speaker.

“Don’t try and bullshit anything, it’ll be quick,” he said bluntly. Did he plant a camera in your room or was he a psychic? “And bring an umbrella.”

With those two bored and uninterested sentences out of his mouth, he hung up on you with the bleep of the dial tone.

“Dick,” you swore. “Fucking dick.” If there was one thing that was certain, it was that your vocabulary had taken on an entirely new spectrum of colors since meeting Yoongi. Contemplating between nestling into the comfort of your warm bed and leaving him hanging, your inner empath wailed at the mere thought of it. It was raining cats and dogs and Yoongi was at the studio? Alone? Did he really not have anything else to do? Was he actually dying?

You groaned internally gave into the guilt that threatened to eat you alive. Throwing on a jacket over your jumper, you reconsidered whether you should put on a bra beforehand, but opted not to. Not only were you freshly showered and too lazy to take off and put on your clothes again, but Yoongi mentioned that it would be quick. Then again, he also said he’d work on the piece with you but we all know how long that ball took to get rolling. It’s not like he took an interest in you bare-faced or well-dressed anyway.

Forgetting that you broke the only umbrella you had last semester, you slung your hood over your face and crossed your arms around your body tightly. It had to be the one damned day it rained in February.

It took you two minutes to sprint from the dorms to the music building and you slipped twice on the wet concrete. You would’ve doubled over, too it if hadn’t been for the rusty lampposts, but regardless, you managed to make it to the building in one piece.

A dull, aching pain spread across the joints of your hands from being exposed to the howling wind and freezing cold drops of rain. Clenching your teeth in a pained grimace, you tucked your hands underneath your armpits in the hopes of keeping them covered until you went inside the studio. You really should’ve asked for mittens for Christmas.

Regret hit you when you realized that not wearing a thick coat might have been a mistake. Peeling the sopping wet jacket from your body, you wrung it out and shook it off, relieved that your sweater underneath was dry for the most part. It probably helped that you had a shirt on underneath, but it didn’t stop you from shivering when you walked into the practice room.

Yoongi was splayed across the couch inside. A couple of the practice rooms were large enough to hold a full-size piano as well as a couch for guests, and you wondered if they were that necessary or the school president was just that spendthrift.

Despite the freezing cold weather, he was still as fashionable as ever. Donning a thin white sweater and frayed black jeans, you scanned around the room to check if he had brought a jacket or coat or some sort. Your suspicions were confirmed when you spotted a bundle of black fabric too large to be a blanket but too small to be a single hoodie. Maybe it was oversized?

“You’re getting the carpet wet,” he mumbled, the throw of the couch wrapped around his body like a swaddle for a baby. His expression was colder than the air that nipped at your bare skin, but there was warmth there. Something you couldn’t grasp. Something flickering.

“I didn’t have an umbrella,” you quipped dryly. Tossing you a towel from thin air, you caught it before it managed to smack your face. Of course he’d aim it perfectly. Maybe he should’ve been a baseball pitcher. You gave him an odd look before trying to pat yourself dry, a fruitless endeavor really seeing as how drenched you were. “What do you want?”

Sitting up straight, he gestured to the unopened piano. “I wanted to hear you play.”

Slumping your neck forward and raising your brows, a scoff of amazement left your mouth. “Are you joking?”

He shook his head. “I was in my dorms alone and I was bored, so I figured why not pull your strings a little and have some fun while we’re at it.”

Your face froze in an expression of utter astonishment and disbelief. “That’s why you called me out in the middle of the night in the pouring rain? To play for you?” A puff of air made its way past your lips.

“And to work on a few details,” he tried to justify.

“This couldn’t have waited until, I don’t know—tomorrow?!” you shouted.

Raising the corner of his lip, he smirked. “I just wanted to talk,” he shrugged, feigning innocence. You wrapped the now-damp towel over your shoulders like a shawl. Seething with agitation, you sat down in front of the piano and took a long, deep breath.

“What would you like to talk about, Yoongi?” Speaking like an adult trying to control their temper while scolding to a child, the only reason you were sitting here was due to the fact that you refused to be near proximity of him. Also your dripping clothes were getting heavier by the minute. The cold wasn’t doing anything for your shivering stature, either.

“About you,” he answered, leaning back into the sofa.

Rolling your eyes, you sat with your hands tucked in between your thighs. They felt like blocks of ice. “If that’s all you called me out here for then I’d be happy to get back to you tomorrow over lunch.”

“Why haven’t you told Powell yet?” he asked frankly with an inquisitive stare.

Your teeth ground like gears in your mouth. “What’s there to tell him about?” you countered, trying to maintain collected.

Yoongi’s gaze darkened as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, lacing his fingers together in an intimidating manner. “You know what I’m talking about.”

“I don’t, frankly, and neither do you,” you corrected him with a stern voice.

“You really don’t think I know?” he scoffed, narrowing his eyes like freshly sharpened daggers. Standing up, he took slow and deliberate steps to where you were sat and cocked his head sideways as he scoffed. Was he being serious right now?

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” you repeated robotically, growing increasingly irked at him boring into you like this. Shaking your head in the realization that you didn’t have to deal with this bullshit, you picked up your jacket and stood up to leave. Maybe you’d be in the mood to deal with his antics tomorrow, but today, you were a ticking timebomb.

Spotting the fire he had set ablaze from a mile away, he spun you around by your shoulder and lifted your hand up so that it was the only wall separating both of your faces.

“You really don’t think I know?” he whispered through a clenched jaw.

Tensing your eyes into a glare, your nostrils practically blew off jets of steam as you yanked it down to your side. “Fuck off,” you mumbled. Stomping back to the door, the click of the knob was the thing that completely set Yoongi off.

“What’s going to happen to prodigy _____ when her professor finds out that she has RA?” he sighed, clicking his tongue pitifully between his teeth.

He knows.

With fists balled painfully tight, you felt your body temperature rising by the second. “Shut up,” you muttered under your breath, restraining yourself through tightly clenched teeth. If you bit down any harder, you were sure to hear the crunch of your enamel as if they were a mouthful of potato chips.

“Rheumatoid arthritis at 22,” he enunciated, articulating the medical term around his tongue as to poke fun at a sleeping bear. “What a shame...”

“Oh yeah?” you scoffed, reclaiming your position directly in front of him as you were now drunk with rage, delirium taking over all the common sense you had left. “What about you? Composition major Min Yoongi who doesn’t even play the fucking piano anymore and stays locked up in his studio like the banished Hunchback of Notre Dame? God knows why, huh?”

Running his tongue over his teeth, his smirk now resembled a snarl of frenzy and hysteria. “You want to talk about me?” Pulling down his sleeves angrily and lifting up his arms, you could barely make out the scattered patches of raised skin on the tops of his hands. The lines you assumed to be veins were too light in color and instead textured in the form of scratches, trailing all the way down to his forearms, finishing at his elbows. Looking closely, you could see clearly that they weren’t veins or patches of tanned skin at all—they were scars.

“Picture this: college Yoongi walking to the bus stop after finishing his 8-hour shift. Little did the gullible bastard know that some sugar daddy decided to take a little joyride in the dead of night with two bottles of whiskey in his system.” His deadly bitter tone made goosebumps prickle across your skin.

“Flash forward to half-an-hour later when his professor, of all people, found him knocked out cold in the middle of the street. When Yoongi got admitted into the ER, you know what the doctors said?” he chuckled drunkenly, hands that were balled in fists a mere three seconds ago now hung loosely by his sides.

Huffing briefly, his voice choked as it shifted to one filled with anguish. “We’re terribly sorry, but when he landed after being struck by the collision, his arms absorbed the initial impact and his radial nerve suffered extensive damage. Post-recovery, he may no longer be able to coordinate certain muscles in his hands and fingers.”

It was as if he’d memorized and repeated the post-op summary to himself far long after the accident occurred and it was engraved into his mind like a curse; one he would have to live with for the rest of his life.

You could only stare at his face with a parted mouth, unable to move a single inch.

“It’s actually hilarious if you think about it,” he snorted. “Two of the school’s prodigies dealing with secrets that are big enough to eat away at you like a disease. But it’s not like my life was as nice as yours before I got here, isn’t that right, princess?”

Furrowing your brows as your face morphed into one of pure confusion, you were taken aback at the sudden assumption. “What?”

“Come on,” he grinned malignantly. “Full scholarship, easy money, probably equally supportive and gushy parents, Goody Two Shoes in all of her classes—sounds like a textbook prude in my book.”

“My life—” you choked through a bitter laugh. “I don’t– I am not—” Bile rose in your throat as Yoongi began barking insults at you like an assailant. Sympathy quickly evolved into apathy at the change in direction of the conversation. What point was he trying to make?

Throwing his head back, he burst into a forced fit of wry laughter. “Everything in your life must be fucking perfect, princess.”

“Don’t call me that...” you said through clenched teeth, closing your eyes so you wouldn’t have to see the malicious grin that was coating his face. You were trying so hard to feel bad for him after what he’d just told you, but his abusive indignities made it all the more difficult.

Craning his head to one side, Yoongi stared at you with a raised brow, his pearly white teeth peeking through the cocky grin you wanted to slap off more than anything. “My bad, did I press a button?”

“Shut up.” You repeated the response like a mantra in your head, praying that if you said it enough times, it’d come true.

“It’s all beaming white diamonds and unicorns hopping over rainbows for Princess _____, isn’t it?” he seethed, laughter painfully sarcastic.

What the hell was he on?

“I have worked my ass off for everything in my life up until this point you unbelievably cocky, arrogant, narcissistic prick!” you exploded, words unfurling angrily like the tail of a seething dragon. “If you think I was handed the opportunities that I’ve been given on a silver platter, then you could not be more wrong.”

“And now it’s just a couple doctors appointments and a written diagnosis away from being taken away from you, isn’t that right, princess?” he butted in with a satisfied grin.

“Shut the fuck up,” you said louder this time. Blood rushed to your cheeks as you started to feel your nails dig into your palms, almost drawing blood. With white knuckles and a frantically pounding heartbeat, you were two breaths away from throwing a right hook at Yoongi’s pretentious face.

“What the hell is your problem, Yoongi? Is that why you called me here? To chew me out? Annoy me? Berate me? Or does your inner sadist just want to watch me burn because of how bitter you are from the past?” Your voice was an octave away from shouting but his stone-cold expression gave no leeway as to what his intentions were. “Fine. Fine. Just ignore me like you always do because hell if I know what I did wrong!”

The muscles of his jaw tensed again as he parted his lips to speak. “You must be so happy with what you have, princess...” His voice grew timid and hushed at these words but his message was as evident as ever.

“Stop calling me that.” Each word came out through pursed lips and clamped teeth. Leaning into you so that he was directly in your line of vision, his lip curled into a smirk and his eyes flaunted a veil of malicious intent.

“Make me,” he snarled. Never in your life had two words made you more furious than at that exact moment.

“Fuck you, Yoongi,” you spat out, face just centimeters away from his. “I’m sorry for what happened to you, I really am, okay? But you don’t know a single goddamn thing about me, so stop acting like you’re the only one who’s been hurt in the past.”

Moving closer to you in response, you felt his hot breath fan over your lips, making you lean back instinctively.

“I’m not hurt,” he pointed out with venom dripping from his voice. Leaning towards the shell of your ear, his exhaling breath tickled your neck.

“I’m broken, _____...” Yoongi growled your name like a wild animal; vehement, primal, starved and circling his prey. Licking his lips, he edged closer to you with each breath until your back was pressed into the wall. Shoving his chest harshly, his hands came up to slam against the wall behind you, caging you in; you were right where he wanted you.

“Move,” you demanded. Pushing him away again, you were stopped when he grabbed you by the wrist and brought you closer to him, your bodies now pressed dangerously close to each other.

Not having the time to curse at him, your thoughts were halted halfway when he wrapped his free arm around your waist and held you even tighter than before. You didn’t think there was any space left to move any closer to each other, but you couldn’t have been more wrong.

Glaring at him with nothing but hatred and blind rage, you noticed that his pupils were completely blown with lust. The once brown eyes were now obsidian black as you felt them stare through you like a crystal clear lens.

Whether it was a whirlwind of poor judgment, lack of rational decision-making skills, loss of sanity or a deadly concoction of all three, it didn’t matter because in the blink of an eye, Yoongi’s mouth collided against yours in a frenzied kiss.

Locking his lips onto yours, you couldn’t hold back the audible gasp that escaped. He gripped both of your wrists and pinned them back against the wall and used your moment of surprise to begin exploring your mouth with his tongue.

Caught in the heat of the moment and enraged with sexual tension, you found yourself doing the one thing you swore you’d never do in a million years—you were kissing him back. In a battle of colliding teeth and tangled tongues, your body suddenly rushed with lustful desire you had never felt before.

He gripped your wrists tighter when you tried pulling them down, seeing it as an attempt at asserting control; the thing both of you craved above everything else. He could tell that you were holding back and took it in his best interest to coax you by tugging on your lower lip with his teeth, knowing damn well that they were raw from your habit of biting on them.

Whimpering unconsciously, you felt him smirk against your lips. Another breathless gasp escaped when you hoisted you up by your thighs and carried you to the couch. Your hands were finally free from his grasp, allowing you to tangle your fists into his hair while you locked lips again and tug—hard.

Determined to put up a fight, he let out a gravelly groan against your lips, refusing to submit to your attacks. This time, it was you that grinned. When he pulled away from you for a second to take off his shirt, you found yourself gawking at his body. Yoongi wasn’t on the bodybuilder side of the muscular spectrum, but he was built; the perfect combination of his lean figure and perfectly proportioned muscles almost made you drool.

Swallowing your bubbling excitement, you reached down to the hem of your shirt to mirror his actions but he stopped you. Tearing them away from your shirt, he resumed kissed you hungrily, taking the time to pay attention to your now-red and throbbing lips.

You leaned back and went back to raking your hands through his hair as he started placing wet open-mouthed kisses on your neck, sucking bright burgundy bruises into your skin before trailing down to your throat. With his elbows bracing his body weight, Yoongi rubbed his growing arousal over your center, rolling his tongue across his lip when he felt your heat even through the thick fabric of his jeans.

Nibbling on the junction between your collarbone and pulse point, you inhaled sharply when his teeth grated cruelly against the delicate surface. If anything, the pain made you shiver with pleasure and the sudden sensation caused the heat between your legs to throb with anticipation.

Soon enough, his hands had made their way down to your jeans and were swiftly undoing the buttons and zipper. He grumbled in dissatisfaction when he had to pull away from your lips to try and find the metal clasp, making you giggle in amusement at his concentrated pouty face. The abruptly forceful tug that came from him pulling your pants down your thighs made you scoot down the couch, causing another breathy chuckle to emit from your chest.

With two more pulls, your jeans were tossed haphazardly across the room and strewn lazily on the chair along with Yoongi’s shirt. Reaching for you again, he laced his fingers through yours and brought his face close, breath fanning against your lips teasingly.

“I need you to beg, _____.” You couldn’t filter out how he said your name with an alluringly throaty voice. For what, to take your shirt off? With the same piercing gaze, you couldn’t do anything except breathe heavily. Moving back down to your legs, he repeated the same process of biting and sucking deep purple marks into your thighs, leaving a pattern of blossoming bruises to admire later.

His painstakingly slow but calculated steps made your body writhe in frustration. Your temperature was beginning to rise, making the loose sweater you were wearing stick to your body. It felt like you were sweating bullets. Looking down at Yoongi, you almost jumped when you saw that his eyes were already locked on yours with a shit-eating grin. Studying your tense face with his dark eyes, he continued leaving marks along your thighs and hipbones.

The cheeky fucker was teasing you.

“Fuck, Yoongi,” you swore, pressing your hand against your forehead and shutting your eyes in annoyance. “You win, just fucking do something—anything, God.”

Not wasting another second, he ripped your underwear off and balled it in his fist before tossing it into the pile across the room. Before the cold air got a chance to hit your skin, he delved facefirst into your dripping core, lapping at your pussy as if it was his last meal. You try to contain your moans by cupping one hand over your mouth and using the other to grip the cushion for support, but he guides the one holding back your pleasurable sounds to his hair, clenching it tightly in a silent plea for you to grip harder.

Switching between delicate, broad licks across your entire slit and teasing strokes with the flat-edge of his tongue, you almost screamed when he sucked harshly on your clit, causing you to jolt.

“Fuck—my shirt, Yoongi,” you beg, desperate to pry the clinging fabric off of your sweaty body. It felt like you were being suffocated and you couldn’t tell whether you were lightheaded from the stuffiness of the room or Yoongi’s unforgiving tongue.

“Busy,” he replied, voice coming out muffled because he refused to pull away from your cunt. Hurrying to strip down, you were grateful you decided to forgo a bra earlier.

Your topless state forced Yoongi to direct his attention back up to your body. Licking his lips ardently, you felt yourself gush at the view; your wetness coated his lips and cheeks and glistened down his chin in a sight that was so wrong but felt so right. Diving back into your throbbing core, you felt your body hum with pleasure, the buzz of your orgasm nearing at just an arm’s length away.

Yoongi sensed this by the way you were grinding into his face to gain more friction. Locking his hands around your thighs, he lapped mercilessly at your swollen lips. All rational thoughts flew out the window when he finally slid two of his long fingers into your tight heat and accompanied the deep pumps with torturous sucks. Within moments, your body exploded into a euphoric release of moans and pants as you rolled yourself against his mouth.

When he pulled away on the verge of overstimulation, your hands were still tangled in his blonde tresses. Rather than continue pulling at his roots, however, your fingertips stroked the length of his hair softly, rewarding him for bringing you to your release. Wiping his face with his fingers, your eyes widened when he popped them into his mouth and sucked off what remained—all while keeping his eyes glued on you.

Moving back up to kiss you, you moaned into him when you tasted yourself all over his mouth. Swirling his tongue around yours, Yoongi was deliberate in making sure that you’d taste your release off of him, determined to let you know that he was the only one who would ever be able to make you feel this good.

“I need you, _____,” he murmured into your ear. “Please...” Yoongi spoke breathlessly, the lines of control and carnal need smudging together in a blur of lust and yearning as he tried to control himself.

Still breathing heavily under his caged hold, your heart was still hammering against your chest at a million miles a minute. “Pill,” you replied in a rushed tone, an urgency of longing and eagerness engulf you.

Fumbling with his jeans, Yoongi swore at the metal-ringed belt he decided to wear today. Your shoulders shook slightly as you tried to hold back a giggle. Who knew that the big bad wolf was also the biggest dork in the bedroom? He finally freed himself from his jeans, pulling them along with his boxers down his thighs and causing his muscles to flex with the slightest movement he made.

You found yourself licking your lips at his fully exposed state; the dim lights made his svelte body all the more defined, accentuating the V-line of his abdomen that led to his immaculate member. You weren’t one to go down on your partners for your own pleasure, but something about Yoongi made you want to consume him. Just as you were about to sit up, he read your mind like an open book.

Hovering over you, his lips connected with yours again and pressed you back into the sofa. “Next time,” he assured. “I need you now.” The utter desperation laced in his voice made you whimper against his mouth.

Reaching down stealthily, you gripped him gently and began pumping his hard length with slow, teasing strokes, grinning in satisfaction when he fluttered his eyes shut and moaned at the contact. Spreading the dripping bead of precum over his sensitive slit with your thumb, it took everything you had not to take advantage of his submissive state and blow him. God, you wanted him in your mouth so badly...

Cupping your face with his hands with haste, he kissed you sloppily before guiding his cock into your entrance. Rubbing over your slit with the newly formed bead of arousal that coated his tip, Yoongi’s sense of need grew dangerously desperate; he hadn’t even started and already he didn’t want it to end. Unable to cage your own temptation any longer, you grabbed him by his hips and urged him forward, making him enter you in one swift thrust.

The sudden linking of your two bodies made both of you groan in unison. He was bigger than you thought. The delicious sensation of feeling full and one with Yoongi was already a lot for you to handle—how would you feel once he actually started moving? Reading your expression, he looked at you with an expression you couldn’t read before kissing you again. You needed him to move so fucking bad. Voicing your thoughts physically, you lifted your hips up in the hopes that he would get the message.

After a moment of resistance, he couldn’t contain himself. Pulling out all the way, he bottomed out completely, repeating the action as he began moving against your body with even-timed thrusts. You threw your head back in pleasure at the senses that were being stimulated; the feel of him inside you, the smell of his shampoo and light cologne, the plushness of his lips, the rough texture of his hair, the sounds of your combined moans, and the undeniable feeling of finally being connected.

Every few seconds, he gave you a particularly harsh thrust, making you cup a hand over your mouth to mute your sobs of intense pleasure, but of course, Yoongi absolutely despised it. How dare you silence your melodic moans that he was hellbent on making you produce? Tearing your hand away from your mouth, he laced his fingers through yours and held your throat securely with his other hand, not applying any pressure just yet.

“I need to hear your moans, _____,” he panted heavily, an idle grin grazing over his face as he began pounding into you harder, only choosing to tighten his grip around your throat when your mouth parted in a gasp.

There was your name again. And that word: need. Not want, but need.

Gasping at his stark change of pace, your head lifted off of the cushion, making his hands tense around your throat. “Fuck, Yoongi,” you sputtered out, determined to hold back your moans for as long as you could.

Seeing this, Yoongi’s jaw clenched. Pulling his fingers off of your throat and away from your hands, he cupped your breasts with his large hands and kept his grip firm, refusing to do anything more than that. Two could play at that game.

“Please, _____,” he pleaded, pausing his thrusts and changing to grind painfully slow into you while pinching your nipples between his fingers. Biting down on his lip hard enough to break the skin, it was evident that it was pure torture for him and that your pride would be the death of both of you.

Lacing your fingers through his disheveled hair gently, you kissed him deeply, wordlessly telling him that you needed him just as badly—if not, more—than he needed you.

It didn’t take Yoongi more than a second to pick up his relentless thrusts again, pounding into you like there was no tomorrow. You could already tell you weren’t going to be able to walk anytime soon. As you grew tighter around him with each thrust, the two of you became a panting mess of animalistic moans.

Your hands were either clawing red stripes down his bare back or tugging at his hair, while his hands switched off between massaging your breasts and playing with your nipples to holding you by your hips to drill into you harder. When you tugged him down by his hair to your lips, you left a trail of blooming marks along his throat, mirroring the exact same ones he made sure to leave on you. Finalizing your masterpiece by licking a stripe up the side of his pulse point, he grunted into the crook of your neck, snapping his hips instinctually at the fervent sensation.

Clamping his teeth down on your neck, your core clenched around him immediately, digging crescents into his biceps with your nails to grip onto whatever sanity you had left. Releasing your breast and replacing it with his warm mouth, his hand moved down to rub quick circles on your clit, making you scream with pleasure. Thank God for soundproof walls.

“Yoongi—” you sputtered, no longer able to form coherent words.

Switching to the other breast, he sucked at the neglected nipple and swirled his tongue around the bud tantalizingly, begging you to cum.

“Cum for me, _____,” he ordered. And with a single word, you gasped sharply as you erupted into a surge of pure bliss. Sheer ecstasy overtook your senses like a high you couldn’t get enough of. The satisfying heat of your release spread from your lower abdomen to your panting chest, rising up to form the post-orgasm glow on your face that had Yoongi under your spell.

“_____,” he moaned deeply. His eyes were screwed shut in utter bliss as his thrusts became uneven and urgent, signaling his release. The fact that you were still clenching around him made him let out muffled whimpers into your neck and the vibrations of his throaty gasps made you hum in delight.

“Cum for me, Yoongi,” you edged, repeating the words that he spoke mere moments ago while holding him close. On the brink of overstimulation, he bared his mouth in a silent hiss and snapped his hips into you roughly before letting out a guttural groan, burying himself hilt deep. His cock throbbed against your cunt as he came deep inside of you, releasing strings of warmth that coated your walls completely. While still buried inside your heat, he rolled his hips against yours, wanting nothing more than to push his release deep into you so that you knew you were his.

Your insides clenched tightly when his cum dripped out. Pressing a final kiss to your raw lips, his member twitched a few more times before he pulled out slowly, making sure that as much of his seed remained inside of you as possible. Feeling it flow down your ass, you weren’t able to hold back the moan that came when you felt Yoongi collect it with his fingers and push it back inside of you. Your sensitive state caused you to arch your back and prop yourself up on your elbows and watch as he started pumping his fingers.

“Yoongi—” you hummed, rolling your head back as he concentrated on cleaning up your dripping center. Scissoring your combined releases in between his two fingers, he pulled them out slowly, making a string of wetness trail from his fingertips to your cunt. Popping them into his mouth, your jaw dropped as he sucked off the mixture from his fingers deliciously, smirking at your reaction. Right when you were about to comment on his actions, he buried his fingers knuckle-deep back inside you and curled them sinfully, making your breath hitch in your throat.

This time when he pulled out, you grabbed his wrist and guided his sticky fingers into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the unholy essence and humming at the oddly satisfying taste. Yoongi’s eyes remained fixed on you as his tongue darted out to lick off the remaining wetness from his lower lip, desperately wanting to taste whatever remained of your combined highs as possible.

His lips pressed firmly onto yours the moment after your tongue traced a circle around your lips, the earlier battle of clashing teeth and tongues now soft and nurturing; a complete change of mood from earlier.

“You’re so fucking perfect,” he chuckled with lips still connected to yours. Smiling against his mouth, you stroked his cheek softly, scooting over as he made room for himself beside you. Reaching over the edge of the couch, Yoongi grabbed the large throw blanket and draped it over your bodies and snuggled into you like a pillow. He wrapped his arms around your body and nuzzled his nose into you while he began placing soft kisses along the valley of your breasts.

Cradling his head tenderly, you ran your fingers through Yoongi’s tousled hair and felt his breaths become calm and even, the soothing action lulling him into a deep slumber. Slowly but surely, you too felt your eyelids droop as the weight of sleep consumed you.

The morning after trope was always a fun story to tell. A gigantic yawn spilled from your mouth as you stretched out your arms like old tree limbs. When your fingertips brushed the cold surface of a wooden headboard, your eyes flew wide open and you sat up like a shot fired from a cannon. Blood rushed to your head immediately as rays of sunlight blinded you, making you scrunch your entire face and smack your hand against your temple.

Your mouth felt dry as a chalky taste coated your tongue, becoming more apparent now that you were fully awake. What time was it? What happened last night? When did you buy black pajamas? Why was it so goddamn sunny?

Groaning, you cocked your head side to side to stretch your cramped neck, probably from sleeping in a position that had you ready to be shipped to Costa Rica. Feeling around the small twin-sized bed, a large puffy white linen blanket covered your body and you looked around to see that you were in one of the dorm rooms.

Minimally decorated and tidy, the only thing that seemed to distinguish the room from an IKEA display was the disarray of papers scattered across the desk and the uncovered digital piano that was set up next to it.

A rustling beside you made you jolt in surprise and clutch the blanket over your body tightly. With eyes the opened to the size of flying saucers, you stretched your neck over the bundled lump of the blanket and could only make out the fuzzy cap of blonde hair. As if your timing couldn’t get any better, a hand suddenly reached from under the crumpled fabric and grabbed you by the wrist, dragging you back down into the warm sheets. Landing on the mattress with a soft thump, your eyes came face-to-face with none other than the sleeping giant himself.

You got into an argument yesterday.

With Min Yoongi.

You had sex last night. In the practice room.

With Min Yoongi.

And you were now wide awake and sharing a bed.

With Min Yoongi.

As if life couldn’t get any better, the slight rustle of sheets beside you slapped you back into reality.

This time, you had nowhere to escape.

you know where to find part 2 ;)

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mavstudentvoice · 5 years

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Wanted: Friends

Hello, it’s good to back!

If you’re an upperclassman you may not be excited about being back in school, but the majority of us are excited to be reunited with our friends and roommates after spending the summer apart.

If you’re a freshman, you’ve just been dropped into an uncertain time where you’re meeting hundreds of new people and most likely internally freaking-out about finding your place in various groups. If you thought you were the only one nervous about making friends, think again. It might seem like everyone on your floor is already bffs, but in reality, everyone is just as panicked as you. We were all standing in your shoes at one point in our college career.

After three full years, I’ve been lucky enough to make some friends and am here to share with you a few of the things I’ve learned through the highs and lows.

I’d like to start this off by saying I’m not an expert and there are probably people more qualified than me to be writing on this subject. However, over the past three years (and much trial and error) I’ve learned a lot about myself and how people react to how I act. I’ve talked to a lot of my current friends about their initial impressions of me and have gleaned several insights.

So enough talking, here are 6 tips to making friends in college:

1. Be friendly. This one should be obvious, but from experiences with mean people you likely know that not everyone understands that this is the number one way to make friends. If you are approachable, greet people with a smile, and make pleasant small talk, people will want to talk to you. Now I understand that sometimes shyness can be translated by others as stand-off-ishness, which leads me to my second point.

2. Assume everyone likes you. This is a piece of advice I’ve never heard anywhere, but based on personal experience I believe it is extremely valuable! As someone who has a fear of rejection, I often assume that people won’t like me when they meet me, or aren’t interested in being my friend. The problem I’ve found is that having this attitude usually makes it seem as though I don’t want to be friends with them! Sure, sometimes you’ll meet people who will dismiss you based on a first impression, but the majority of the time people love meeting people and you will have better luck going into introductions with this assumption.

3. Get involved. How are you going to make friends if you never leave your dorm? Statistically, the more people you meet the more friends you’ll end up with – right? Freshman year is the year to get involved in clubs, organizations, intramural teams, events, part-time jobs, and anything that gets you out meeting people. Not a freshman? It’s not too late! I HIGHLY encourage you to get involved in extracurriculars – it’s the best way to meet like-minded people! In fact, I recommend it so much I wrote a whole other blog post about it.

4. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. You’ve heard it applied to dating, but how about friendships? You know that stage where you meet a new person you think is really cool but you don’t know how to “take things to the next level”? Like you know that you want to be friends, but you’ve never done anything to establish a friendship (such as hangout) and you aren’t sure if the other person is on the same page about you. I challenge you to make the first move! More than likely your acquaintance is going to be feeling the same way you are, and if they aren’t then they’ll decline and nothing will be ruined because nothing was going to happen anyways.

5. Hold your judgements. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve judged someone before or immediately after I’ve met them only to find out that they’re actually great. Whether you realize it or not, you have a subconscious set of criteria you hold everyone up to in order to determine if they’re worthy of being your friend. You might meet someone and immediately think of them as “beneath” you, and thus not even try to get to know them. This works both ways. Not only do we pre-judge people as “beneath” us, we can also judge people to be “above” us and will consider ourselves not “cool enough” to be friends with them. It’s challenging, but if you can hold off on making snap judgements, you’ll find that most people are actually pretty cool!

6. Care. Obviously this isn’t something I can make you do, but it’s key in building any friendship. A little sappy sure, but how good of friends can you really be if you don’t care about the other person? Unhealthy friendships are ones where the people involved are friends for selfish reasons – “what the other person can do for me”. Healthy friendships are formed when each person involved has the mentality of “what can I do for the other person”? Drama arises when friends aren’t on the same page and this usually results in one friend feeling constantly used until they finally give up. Make sure that you are investing time and energy into your friendships, but if these are unreciprocated it might be time to cut ties.

There you have it, 6 “simple” steps to making friends in college. *Disclaimer* I’m writing to you from my own perspective which I understand could be totally unique and unrelatable. But, if anything stood out to you while you were reading the above 6 steps, chances are others are feeling the same way.

Now I want you to note that the title of this post isn’t “how to have everyone you meet like you”, nor is it “how to be friends with everyone”. As much as we all want to be liked by everyone, the reality is that just doesn’t happen. Whether you deserve it or not, there are going to be people during your time at school who just flat out dislike you. You can either accept this fact or not, but take it from someone with a huge fear of rejection (that’s me by the way), college is a whole lot more fun when you stop caring what other people think and just be yourself!

What are you waiting for?! Go make some friends! ;)

Maggie

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thepatchworkcrow · 5 years

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Witchcraft Asks #1-105

So, just for @dearpenumbra and because I’m wide awake and bored and want to answer them: Here is the list of the 105 witchcraft questions I just finished answering. I answered one each day but feel free to answer them all at once or however you want to do it. Tag your it!

1. Are you solitary or in a coven? I am technically a solitary, though I have friends with whom I occasionally celebrate the sabbats and do other witchy things with.

2. Do you consider yourself Wiccan, Pagan, witch, or other? I use ‘Pagan’, ‘witch’, and ‘Druid’ to describe myself. My path of Druidry is inherently pagan because of its reverence of the earth and all life, and it contains practices that are part of witchcraft.

3. What is your zodiac sign? I am a Cancer!

4. Do you have a Patron God/dess? I do, for sake of Tumblr, I call them The Hunter and The Lady of the Lantern. They’re deities I’ve not found in any mythology- sort of my own unique perspective / interaction with the divine forces of the universe, and so I keep the names I call to them in ritual private.

5. Do you work with a Pantheon? I do work with other deities beyond my patron god and goddess. A lot of them are from the various Celtic pantheons and include: Brighid, Gofannon the Smith, Cerridwen, Mannanan Mac Lir, and Gwyn ap Nudd.

6. Do you use tarot, palmistry, or any other kind of divination? I read tarot, runes, and ogham. I own an agate scrying mirror, but it’s very finnicky and I’d love to learn palmistry some day.

7. What are some of your favorite herbs to use in your practice? (if any) I use sage for cleansing, mugwort for a couple of blends of incense for divination, and lavender to cleansing, peace, intuition, etc.

8. How would you define your craft? It’s a path of Druidry dedicated to the Wylde Hunt.

9. Do you curse? If not, do you accept others who do? I have cursed- only in extreme situations, and the curse I used was aimed more at making the target realize how negative and toxic the bullshit they’ve been spewing/causing is. Sort of a “You’re going to realize the full horror of your actions” kind of a thing.

10. How long have you been practicing? The summer solstice will mark my 13th year.

11. Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars? I have familiar spirits: a black dog that goes by the name Yew, and a raven with a gold stripe on its beak named Gildenbeck. I’ve never had a familiar in the sense of a pet who does witchy stuff with me though.

12. Do you believe in Karma or Reincarnation? I believe in reincarnation and that our cations in one life affect the next. I’ve done a past life regression before, but that’s a story for a post that isn’t QUITE this long.

13. Do you have a magical name? I used to. I’ve got through a number of them over the years, changing them out as I see fit. My most recent one was actually the name I started this blog under: Brenna Adaira, but I’ve since outgrown it, and don’t really feel the need for one.

14. Are you “out of the broom closet”? Yes. I have been from the very beginning.

15. What was the last spell you performed? Shit. I don’t even remember. I’m not super big on spells. Anything more complex than carving a candle and charging it with intention to leave burn on my altar is usually not something I bother with.

16. Would you consider yourself knowledgeable? This is a silly question. As I’ve been practicing 13 years, and as someone with a bachelor’s degree, I’d say yes. I am knowledgeable about a number of things. However, I recognize there are many things I’m not knowledgeable about and there is always room for growth and learning.

17. Do you write your own spells? Since they’re very slapdash? Yes. They get written as I’m throwing spell components together to just DO THE THING.

18. Do you have a book of shadows? If so, how is it written and/or set up? I have recently started compiling a more formal grimoire of my path and all of its integral components. My working book of shadows however is always a sketchbook that gets carried around with me literally everywhere. It’s got drawings, scribbled poetry, journal entries, cut and pasted pictures, ritual outlines, musings, research notes, etc. and it’s all pretty out of order and chaotic. But I love the freedom of not having to be too careful with how I structure things and just let everything happen organically.

19. Do you worship nature? I do not worship nature. I honor the forces of nature; I treat them with respect and work to do my best to live in harmony with them. We are part of nature, not separate beings.

20. What is your favorite gemstone? Oof. This is a tough one. Moss Agate or Moonstone... but also Citrine and Opal. xD

21. Do you use feathers, claws, fur, pelt, skeletons/bones, or any other animal body part for magical work? I have a pheasant wing fan I use for smoke cleansing. I also have a small set of antlers that I’m still meaning to make into a proper headdress for ritual wear. Right now, they sit with my statute of The Hunter and the rest of my Wylde Hunt stuff.

22. Do you have an altar? Usually, yes. At the moment I don’t because I’ve been sort of in-transit for months. I’m moving back home at the end of the week though, and setting up an altar is the FIRST thing I intend to do.

23. What is your preferred element? Air. I love wind, stars, storms, gentle breezes through the forest, music, singing, the power of words.

24. Do you consider yourself an Alchemist? Not even in the slightest. XD

25. Are you any other type of magical practitioner besides a witch? Already answered above, but I’m a Druid! ^_^

26. What got you interested in witchcraft? I answered this in my previous post.

27. Have you ever performed a spell or ritual with the company of anyone who was not a witch? Yes! We used to frequently invite non-pagan friends to celebrate sabbats with us. One year, we actually erected a Maypole in my backyard and did a maypole dance.

28. Have you ever used ouija? Nope, and I would never. I don’t need it to speak with my guides, I don’t wanna poke at the dead, and I don’t trust them as reliable tools.

29. Do you consider yourself a psychic? I have strong intuition, but I wouldn’t call myself a psychic.

30. Do you have a spirit guide? If so, what is it? I have a couple, but the main one appears to me as a sort of elven / druidic entity (kinda Tolkien elf-ish with the blonde hair and all that). He goes by the name of Brannan and has been sort of my Druid guide both before and during my OBOD studies.

31. What is something you wish someone had told you when you first started? I wish someone had taught me really basic grounding and centering exercises and energy work first. Instead, I jumped right into gods and spells and rituals and all sorts of silliness early on in my path.

32. Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite? I haven’t this past year or so because I’ve been trying to get my bearings post-college again. But my favorite is Midsummer. It’s closest to my birthday, marks the anniversary of my dedication to studying witchcraft, and is just always a super heightened time for me spiritually speaking.

33. Would you ever teach witchcraft to your children? Yes. There’s another, longer blog post coming about my thoughts on this, but the short version of it is that I would rather give them some manner of religious context and collection of traditions and heritage than leave them completely on their own to consider the big universal questions religion is supposed to answer.

34. Do you meditate? Not nearly as often as I would like, but at least a couple of times a month.

35. What is your favorite season? Autumn. I love the gloom and the smell of the leaves, and the rain and how windy it gets, and the colors, and of course all of the things like pumpkin spice and Halloween. It’s another time of deep spiritual work for me. This is when the Wylde Hunt rides, and I mark my progress on my path in devotion to them.

36. What is your favorite type of magick to preform? I don’t actually like doing magick other than charging and burning candles. I’m sort of a lazy witch and usually find it more necessary to do inner work to get through a problem than to try and effect change in the world around me.

37. How do you incorporate your spirituality into your daily life? I take actions that align with my spiritual goals: living in harmony with the natural world, creating beautiful things, never stopping my own growth and learning, and compassion for others. I recycle where I can, try to reduce waste and reuse things. I take walks in nature and spend time in the woods. I stay informed so I can vote in ways that put people in power who care about our world. I take time to notice beauty in small places: a bird flying over head, stars in the winter sky, the way the sun is coming in through a window. When all of life is sacred, the spiritual path is not separate from the rest of your life. It becomes the lens through which you frame your life.

38. What is your favorite witchy movie? If I had to choose.... damn. I really can’t. The triad of Hocus Pocus, The Craft, and Practical Magic kinda take that place. I love them all in different ways.

39. What is your favorite witchy book, both fiction and non-fiction. Why? My favorite witchy books... Non-fiction: Living Druidry by Emma Restall-Orr, because it’s a look at Druidry through a Druid’s eyes. It introduces Druid concepts without the formal textbook layout, and I love reading about her experiences. Fiction: The Tree Shepherd’s Daughter and the associated series by Gillian Summers because who wouldn’t love a book about an elf who talks to trees whose day job to hide among humans is to make furniture to sell at Renaissance Festivals? Like... It’s just good, okay?

40. What is the first spell you ever preformed? Successful or not. This got answered in my last post.

41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you? And so did this one!

42. What is your favourite type of candle to use? I typically use those cheap chime candles or tealights. They burn down quickly and are easy to get ahold of.

43. What is your favorite witchy tool? I would have to say my drum. I love love love love raising energy with it or doing trance work while drumming.

44. Do you or have you ever made your own witchy tools? All of my wands have been handmade and my altar statues are all sculpted by hand. My ogham staves are handmade, and I’ve made a set of runes in the past, but they weren’t fond of me. XD

45. Have you ever worked with any magical creatures such as the fea or spirits? Ohhhh yes. Lots! The Wylde Hunt is one such example, but I’ve also worked with goblins and other various fae.

46. Do you practice color magic? I use color associations loosely, but don’t adhere to them too much.

47. Do you or have you ever had a witchy teacher or mentor of any kind? I did, sort of. My mom’s best friend was the one who bought me my first tarot deck, taught me how to read, etc. She gave me witchy homework now and then, but it wasn’t really a formal mentorship. She’s like another mother to me though, and I love her lots. <3

48. What is your preferred way of shopping for witchcraft supplies? Unfortunately, my preferred way is no longer possible. My local shop closed down in Feb of 2017 and I have been super sad ever since. I’m still trying to find a suitable alternative.

49. Do you believe in predestination or fate? I believe that we have free will and that the Universe sort of fills in the gaps. I think somethings are sort of “meant” to happen, but I don’t think everything is set in stone.

50. What do you do to reconnect when you are feeling out of touch with your practice? I light candles at my altar and just open myself to the energies, or I go on a walk with my friend, Mark. We always get into super deep conversations that get me back in the vibe.

51. Have you ever had any supernatural experiences? I could fill an ENTIRE post just on this alone, but yes. Plenty.

52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve? Answered!

53. Do you like incense? If so what’s your favorite scent? I love incense! I tend to burn a lot of Dragon’s Blood, though I’ve recently discovered one called Mountain Heather that I am ALSO in love with.

54. Do you keep a dream journal of any kind? I keep weirdly vivid dreams in the notepad function on my phone. It’s usually right near my pillow and I just tap what I remember in there and try to go back to sleep.

55. What has been your biggest witchcraft disaster? Man, I can’t really think of a time things went horribly wrong to be honest.

56. What has been your biggest witchcraft success? Maintaining my practice and developing it into something uniquely my own.

57. What in your practice do you do that you may feel silly or embarrassed about? I know some people would say having spirit guides and such is silly. There are others who would say that energy work and psychic vampirism and the like are kinda woo-y and weird too.

58. Do you believe that you can be an atheist, Christian, Muslim or some other faith and still be a witch too? Anyone from any religion can be a witch. Witchcraft is a practice, not a religious path. Anyone can learn to raise and manipulate energy regardless of which deity they do/n’t worship.

59. Do you ever feel insecure, unsure or even scared of spell work? I just don’t usually feel a need for it. It’s usually able to be solved by mundane means or by doing inner personal work.

60. Do you ever hold yourself to a standard in your witchcraft that you feel you may never obtain? Don’t we all have perfectly aesthetic rituals that leave us feeling profound as a standard which we don’t ever quite meet? Aren’t we all secretly pining for Tumblr/Instagram worthy altars?

61. What is something witch related that you want right now? I actually really want to get a Tarokka deck, which is a tarot-esque oracle used in the D&D Curse of Strahd campaign. I want them for the campaign, but also to use for actual divination because it sounds like fun to try.

62. What is your rune of choice? I’m very partial to Kenaz (light, illumination, guidance), and Laguz (movement, water travel, magic, intuition).

63. What is your tarot card of choice? The 8 of Cups, The Star, and the 3 of Swords are all sort of cards I look at to determine if I’ll love or hate a deck.

64. Do you use essential oils? If so what is your favorite? I do use some, albeit sparingly. I’m rather fond of patchouli, sage, and a heather one I found.

65. Have you ever taken any kind of witchcraft or pagan courses? I’m currently wrapping up the Order of Bards Ovates and Druids’ Bardic Grade Course.

66. Do you wear pagan jewelry in public? Right now, my everyday necklace is a nine-pointed star which is supposed to represent the 9 sisters of Avalon, of whom Morgan le Fay was one.

67. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your faith or being a witch? Yes. Once, in early high school by a teacher. And once in college by some preppy sorority girl who wandered over to the LGBT clubs’ table at a Campus Life event looking to cause an argument.

68. Do you read or subscribe to any pagan magazines? Not magazines, but I follow a number of blogs both on Tumblr, Patheos, and Wordpress.

69. Do you think it’s important to know the history of paganism and witchcraft? Yes. Absolutely. The Burning Times weren’t about real witches. Modern paganism is not ancient paganism, and the context of myth, traditional practices, etc. are important.

70. What are your favorite things about being a witch? The language and tools I have with which to describe my experiences and think about and interact with the rest of the universe.

71. What are your least favorite things about being a witch? Being a conscious being and co-creator with spirit is freaking hard, yo.

72. Do you listen to any pagan music? If so who is your favorite singer/band? My absolute fave is Damh the Bard, but also give S.J. Tucker and OMNIA a listen. <3

73. Do you celebrate the Esbbats? If so, how? I used to do Dark Moon tea and meditation time with the Dark Goddess. Usually if I do something for any of the moon phases it’s sort of spur of the moment these days.

74. Do you ever work skyclad? I don’t, because I currently lack private space to do so.

75. Do you think witchcraft has improved your life? If so, how? Well, I am an empowered being with knowledge and love of the Universe and the divine connections between us all. I’m also equipped with various techniques for performing inner transformative work as well as affecting change in the world around me. What’s not to love?

76. Where do you draw inspiration from for your practice? My practice is a lot of “Solitary Wicca” meets OBOD druidry, meets a sort of Dragonheart ‘knights of the Old Code’ sort of feel. It’s about nature, creativity, and living honorably.

77. Do you believe in ‘fantasy’ creatures? (Unicorns, fairies, elves, gnomes, ghosts, etc) I do. I don’t believe they exist corporeally in this plane of existence though.

78. What’s your favorite sigil/symbol? I’m not sure I could pick one... but if I had to, I’d say the symbol for Awen.

79. Do you use blood magick in your practice? Why or why not? I’ve used blood in magic exactly twice. Once was in a dedication rite to The Hunter, and the other was to the Wylde Hunt. Both times it was blood from something like a paper cut or popped blister, whatever that was already available. I used it as a potent source of energy but also as a sympathetic tie to myself. Since I was dedicating myself to said entity, using it as a taglock made sense.

80. Could you ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your practice? Absolutely not. Thank you, next.

81. In what area or subject would you most like your craft to grow? I’m looking to pursue the OBOD’s further courses. I want to become a celebrant for the order and perform marriage, death, etc. rites for others within the order as well as those in the pagan community.

82. What’s your favorite candle scent? Do you use it in your practice? I love candles that smell like mulled spices or coffee or pumpkin. I don’t use them for magic, just for ambiance.

83. Do you have a pre-ritual ritual? (I.e. Something you do before rituals to prepare yourself for them). If so what is it? I ground and center before every ritual. Beyond that, I’m usually doing magic on the fly.

84. What real life witch most inspires your practice? Emma Restall-Orr, whom I’m not sure would identify as a witch. She’s technically a druid and author of various books and I love how gritty and honest and earthy what she shares is.

85. What is your favorite method of communicating with deity? I like to get somewhere quiet, and channel them through sort of automatic writing. I also frequently use visualization / meditation techniques to go to my sacred grove and speak with them there.

86. How do you like to organize all your witchy items and ingredients? What is this... organize you speak of? All spell components are in wee jars in a drawer. xD

87. Do you have any witches in your family that you know of? My mom was a practicing Wiccan when I was little, and my sister has interest in witchcraft.

88. How have you created your path? What is unique about it? Answered in my last post.

89. Do you feel you have any natural gifts or affinities (premonitions, hearing spirits, etc.) that led you toward the craft? If so what are they? I have a strange knack for vibing with plants/crystals/etc. and just knowing what they can be used for. I’ve also always had the ability to sort of see/hear things not there: spirits, fae, etc.

90. Do you believe you can initiate yourself or do you have to be initiated by another witch or coven? To be initiated implies you are entering into a group. The OBOD gives you the opportunity to initiate yourself if you aren’t close enough to a grove, but the point stands that it’s a ritual given to you by someone else. You can dedicate yourself to a specific path, but initiation implies you’re being included in something you once were not included in.

91. When you first started out in your path what was the first thing or things you bought? I’m pretty sure it was a new tarot deck, tbh. It’s been too long. I don’t remember.

92. What is the most spiritual or magickal place you’ve been? Answered in the last post: but Avebury, England.

93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities? They aren’t necessary for a balanced and successful path. I know it can be weird not having a specific god/ddess but it’s really really really not necessary to find one right away to be able to have a successful practice.

94. What techniques do you use to ‘get in the zone’ for meditation? I dim the lights, drink some coffee or wine, get somewhere comfy, and put on some quiet music.

95. Did visualization come easily to you or did you have to practice at it? It used to come a lot more easily to me. I realized I was using it as sort of escapism and stopped, and have been building it back again.

96. Do you prefer day or night? Why? I prefer night. Everyone else is asleep and it gives me time and space to think and work on things without being disturbed.

97. What do you think is the best time and place to do spell work? The best time and place is when and where you need it most.

98. How did you feel when you cast your first circle? Did you stumble or did it go smoothly? We forgot to include a means of opening the circle in our first ritual’s notes. So... sort of a stumble.

99. Do you believe witchcraft gets easier with time and practice? Yes... and no. Because with time and practice, you come to find deeper things, and bigger truths. It builds upon itself.

100. Do you believe in many gods or one God with many faces? In my belief system, all gods are separate beings, but all a part of the Great Song of Creation that gives life to the universe.

101. Do you eat meat, eggs and dairy? I do! No restrictive diets here.

102. What is your favorite color and why? I can’t truthfully pick one. I’m fond of burgundy lately.

103. What is the one question you get asked most by non-practitioners or non-pagans? How do you usually respond? “I really like your necklace; what does that symbol mean?” To which I say “I got it at a renaissance festival; it’s supposed to represent the nine sisters of Morgen LeFay.” which seems to be an acceptable response.

104. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest? Probably my sight.

105. What is a pagan or witchcraft rule that you preach but don’t practice? “Always cast a circle.” I recommend it for new folks, but I rarely ever actually cast one myself.

#about me #asks #questions #witchy questions

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serendipitous-magic · 5 years

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a brief summary of a current personal crisis

Hi, so, I’ve been relatively inactive lately, especially when it comes to writing and wanted to offer a brief explanation and life update.

Very very brief summary: after 2.5 years of dating my (now ex-) fiance, I realized that I’m actually a lesbian, not bisexual, and very recently had to break up with him and move out of the apartment we were living in. Longer summary under the line.

-Around New Years it suddenly occurred to me to wonder if I had ever had crushes on guys or liked guys or wanted guys in any capacity. I’ve identified as bisexual since high school, but that was mainly because I figured out in about 9th grade that I liked girls and kind of “added” that to how I identified - it never, ever occurred to me that maybe I didn’t like guys, and only liked girls.

-The second it popped into my mind that “hey, maybe I’m actually a lesbian,” I knew instantly that it was true.

-Over the next few weeks I compiled this long list of “evidence” (I can only remember having a crush on like 4 guys in my entire life, 3 of them were fictional, and all of them could be considered “girl-ish” or effeminate in some way; 99% of crushes I’ve had have been on girls; I’ve never actually been attracted to the male body that I can particularly remember; etc.) because I had to be sure.

-I had never in my life questioned if I liked guys or not because heteronormativity and all that. In my household growing up, that wasn’t a subject of discussion. As a kid, I had no vocabulary of point of reference for that kind of thing. As a little kid I would just make shit up when my friends were talking about crushes. I figured that’s what you did; I wanted to be in on the drama, so I just chose some random guy in the class and would be like, “That one. Sure, I like that one.” And I kept doing that. I even did it to myself. And I would pretend like that for so long, since I was so young, that I stopped remembering that it was made up. I would do it automatically - it was the “normal” for me.

-Realizing I was a lesbian (finally), I still gave it about two months before telling my fiance and breaking up with him. I had to be really, really sure, and I had to process, and I knew how much it would hurt him. He loves me more than anything, and I swear I love him too - I do believe he is a soulmate of mine, just not the “romantic soulmate,” as it turns out. Have y’all seen those posts about the different colored strings attaching soulmates together and the romantic soulmates have a red string? Turns out our string wasn’t red. I definitely count him as my best friend in the entire world, like a brother, and I hope that after all this settles and we’ve had some time apart we can reconnect as friends. But it wouldn’t have been fair to either of us if I went ahead and married him and spent my life with him if I was always wanting something else.

-I had to come out to my parents to explain why I’d be unexpectedly moving back in with them, which was hard

-He actually took the breakup much better than I expected. He was heartbroken, of course, but he was also much, much more supportive and understanding and kinder than I ever would have hoped for. He told me he’s proud of me for following my heart, and that he’s gonna try to forgive me eventually (for breaking his), and that he’ll help me move my stuff back to my parents’ and whatnot before we take a break from each other for a while. (Which I guess just goes to show that he really was the best boyfriend/fiance I could have asked for, like the universe is just rubbing it in.)

-So, now I’m in the middle of moving back to my parents’ house (which is a whole mess in itself because I’m a grown-ass 21 year old woman and living with my parents again until I can afford anything else (I could only afford rent with a partner, now that I’m single I can’t - plus we’re still paying THIS rent ugh) is gonna be frustrating and awkward in so many ways), trying to shuttle my stuff out of the apartment bits at a time without a moving truck, still kind of going through a breakup before we part ways for a while, grappling with who I am as a person and what my life was and is, and watching the entire future I envisioned for myself shatter before my eyes.

-Plus I have a job and my last two semesters of college left.

-So yeah, I haven’t done much writing or been very active lately, and I apologize.

-Oh and BTW the lease lasts until like October and we were sharing the apartment with two friends, so now we have to a) continue paying the rent for an apartment we don’t live in until the lease either ends or breaks, and/or b) come up with the money to break the lease, but that can only happen when our friends can find better jobs so they can afford to move out into their own apartment, and we can’t just break the lease and leave them without a place to stay.

Yaaaaaayyy, life crises.

#life update #life crisis #lesbian #personal #sorry for the inactivity #coming out story #breakup story #lgbtq #coming out

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amerioxfordan · 5 years

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mt9

it’s been a really, really long time since i made an original post

so term’s over, and i did a really poor job of talking about what being a student at oxford is actually like, but maybe i’ll manage better talking about what being an oxford student is like during vac, so here goes, a short summary of both my life at the moment and how much more i know about oxford than i did just a few months ago:

what do you mean, vac?

vac is short for vacation, there are short, 6 week-ish vacs running December-January and March-April in between terms of the same academic year, and a longer vac over the summer. it’s just one of many words oxford students use to sound like they’re oxford students and different from everyone else

why is this post called mt9?

oxford academic years have 3 terms, Michaelmas (MT), Hilary (HT), and Trinity (TT), and within those terms weeks are numbered 1 to 8. the week before term starts is week 0, and the week after term ends is week 9, so mt9 is the week after the end of my first term of oxford. this is the end of that week, but whatever, it’s my post about term just being finished, so i’m calling it after week 9

when did your term end?

as kind of just stated, it ended last week - the last lectures and tutorials and practicals were November 30th, and as well as all that academic stuff we had Christmas dinner that evening and a last bop that night, and then Saturday was move out day. it’s a much earlier end to the term than a lot of universities have, none of my other US friends are home yet...

what did moving out feel like?

it was really surreal to see this place i was so used to full of all these friends i’d made slowly empty out. wadham uses most student rooms for interviewees during the vac, so other than a few people who pay extra for vacation residence, we all had to fit everything we’d lived with for a couple of months into a few small storage boxes. i actually didn’t leave college until sunday, because my grandparents who i wanted to stay with for several days were just getting back from a holiday themselves and my showing up would’ve been too hectic, so i spent the day shopping for last minute presents to bring home around oxford, and ate dinner with my one remaining friend in college, who’d paid for vacation residence, it was kinda weird

what sort of work do you have for the vac?

the way my tutors described it, it’s supposed to be the equivalent of two weeks worth of term time academic work. as we did problem sheets over the course of term, we would often be told not to do a couple of problems, so whichever ones we didn’t do (or any that we did do but didn’t do very well) would be saved for the vac. we also have collections (another fancy oxford word that just means check-up-ish exams, they don’t count towards our degrees but it lets everyone know if we know what we’re doing so far) as soon as we get back from the vac, so we’ve got to review what we’ve done over the past term for when we’re tested on it. not everyone has it, but with physics we have to choose from one of our labs to write a report due two weeks after the practical was done, and since i did practicals within the last two weeks of term, the lab report for either of those would be due first week of next term, so i need to get that done over the vac

what have you been doing since term ended?

as i mentioned, i spent a few days with my grandparents, which was good fun (my other grandparents considered visiting me to have lunch on my last day, but in the end weren’t able to, so hopefully i’ll see them at the end of the vac, or next term). since then, i flew back to the us, and it’s been good to be able to visit my old school, go to my younger sister’s concerts, see our family pet chickens again, as well as starting to relearn things i didn’t feel like i understood properly during term and look at the assigned vacation problems. i know i shouldn’t worry too much about my weight but i did eat quite a few biscuits during term without doing much exercise so i’m trying to do a bit of exercise each day. and then having found a friend group with people from so many different places during term, we’re not really able to visit each other, so we’ve also collectively spent a shameful amount of time reading oxfess and oxlove so we can tag each other, playing civ v or cards against humanity together online, and generally messaging the group chat saying how much we miss everyone. today my family also put up our christmas tree and most of our decorations so that was good!

how do you feel about your first term at oxford?

i didn’t work as hard as i could have, but honestly i don’t mind too much. it was my first term, i was definitely still figuring things out for quite a good part of it, and now that what things i’m participating in outside of my subject is more established, i have a reasonably close group of friends i feel like i can somewhat rely on, i’m close enough to the other physics students in my college to feel a bit more comfortable asking when i need help on a topic (shout out to my friend who pointed out that momentum is not only invariant but conserved because i apparently forget obvious facts like that in the middle of a special relativity problem sheet), i should be able to be more organised next term. so it didn’t go perfectly but i’m not, like, ashamed, and i’m still optimistic about the rest of my time at oxford. i already downloaded forest for the vac because i was doing a bad job making schedules of the sort i did at the beginning of the summer, and thought maybe having a timer would give me the same motivation to work without being so intimidatingly inflexible

are these all the questions you’re willing to answer about your first term at oxford and/or your first vac?

of course not! if you can come up with better questions to ask me about oxford university generally, wadham college specifically, physics at oxford, my first term, my first vac, anything, i will as always gladly answer them!

#my american oxford #studying #studyblr #student #university #college #oxford #oxford university #wadham #wadham college

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fortress-of-iserlohn · 6 years

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Please tell me more about Reuenthal/Yang, I have never considered this ship before (Reinhard/Yang is my usual poison of choice) but now I can't stop thinking about it. I need AUs! And canon-divergence! And - please just tell me as many ways this could happen as you can, in as much detail as possible!

howdy anon friend i am fajsdofjsaf. honoured that you are considering my tiny lil raft ship and just HELLO

but really. you have certainly come to the right place! i am here to fulfil all of your AU and canon-divergence needs :D

beneath this cut you shall find TRASH wonder and MORE TRASH all your dreams come to life

alright let’s start with canon-divergence because this one is slightly less quantity and quality because canon fic is really hard??? (and also i am admittedly writing one right now and i don’t wanna give away too much :3????)

logh has all these cool plot points where the outcome changes depending on the action the character in question takes!!!!

ie. what if yang took schonkopf with him to meet with reinhardt the second time?

or like. what if yang disobeyed the orders from hq to stop the battle of vermillion?

or, my personal favourite, what if yang decided that schonkopf was right and then basically declared iserlohn an independent entity and the thirteenth fleet + iserlohn basically divorced themselves from the fpa????

seriously though. do you think either faction could’ve taken the fortress back by force? reinhardt probably eventually could, but in his best interests, he leaves yang alone and goes to crush the fpa first, then comes back to negotiate a truce.

but anyway, we’re here to talk about my favourite thing in the world - reuenthal/yang, so i’ll leave my crying about what if canon for later.

CANON DIVERGENCE REUENTHAL/YANG.

i don’t have much on this because i’ve yet to finish the source material but i will have. more. one. day. (i hope)

also pls note that i’m not big on plot beyond trashy fluff, so this is probably stupendously ooc and i can’t fix it just let me have my otp pls asofmsaodfijas

1. the star crossed lovers thing - where reuenthal accompanied kircheis to negotiate the exchange of prisoners with the fpa. and it’s literally love at first sight for him with yang and yang’s not. disagreeable because reuenthal is beautiful and he can be charming af when he wants to be (and he really wants to charm yang lbr)

after kircheis and reuenthal return to odin, reuenthal starts moping about the admiral’s big brother house and eventually caves and talks to mittermeyer about his pure hearted admiration of yang where in mittermeyer stares flatly at reuenthal and tells him ‘you’re pining like one of those heroines you detest from the classics’ and reuenthal is so Offended TM by this he sulks off to the officer’s bar and drowns his sorrows until he becomes drunk enough to admit that hey, mittermeyer really knows him too well.

so the next day, very hung over, reuenthal starts sending letters (or more likely, electronic communications) to the 13th fleet with flowery poetry and declarations of his feelings and shit. and at the start, the 13th fleet kind of think he’s up to something nefarious. but then they just realise reuenthal actually really is just pathetically in love with yang and so for the good of all mankind, they just ‘accidentally delete’ every single message before it makes it to yang.

no one expects that reuenthal eventually (cos that boy has no chill, like me) literally rolls up and parks his goddamned flagship next to the hyperion when the tristan is supposed to be passing nearby one day and demands to know why yang hasn’t been basically texting him back and then yang is like ‘??????????????? wat’ and then everyone in the 13th fleet, from schonkopf down to julian have a LOT OF EXPLAINING to do. (cazerne pretended to know nothing and washed his hands of the whole thing from the start because the less he knows about these sort of things the more sane he can stay okay).

eventually reinhardt gets sick of reuenthal moping about odin and shoos him off to be the consul of heinessen and reuenthal just continues to woo yang (now in person!!!) by showing off whenever he can even when it’s stupidly inappropriate with the inbuilt optimism of being a good looking and popular dude that everything will work out eventually and one day yang will just cave and say ‘fine.’ (spoiler alert, he does)

2. post-vermillion - actually this is 90% what my fic is about so i’m not going to say a lot about it. you’ll get to read this eventually as a proper-ish fic in a month or two (pray for me pls, it’s currently 7000 words and nowhere near done).

but consider. if yang and reuenthal met after the alliance surrendered. hm. Hm. HMMMMMMMMM. with added shenanigans from my favourite admirals from the empire and fpa sides :D

AU REUENTHAL/YANG

I FRIGGEN LOVE AU.

i’ve already talked about my ‘what if yang was born in the empire’ au, and briefly covered my college/university au where reuenthal social media stalks yang in a non-creepy way until he grows enough balls to just ask him out.

but, i was also yelling a lot at @beingevil today cos she brought up an actor au, but she’ll be writing that one so i’ll leave it up to her (WINK WONK)

other AUs to be considered:

1. history professor!yang & hitman!reuenthal - someone (probably fucking job trunicht) puts a hit out on yang and reuenthal is assigned to the job and he stakes out yang for a few days and yang is just like a small defenseless animal????? how can he murder a small, defenseless animal like that?? and gosh he’s super cute too??? he’s so my type!!!!!??? so he can’t pull the trigger and instead reuenthal goes on the run with yang and they uncover conspiracies against the government and then they put trunicht into prison and live happily ever after?

2. coffee shop au - where yang owns a coffee shop and reuenthal is a lawyer/business person who comes in to buy coffee, but in reality is here to perv on yang and also everyone in the shop (customers and staff alike) knows this except for yang who thinks reuenthal is a really nice guy and ‘julian, don’t you think reuenthal is just so friendly. he seems to really like leaning close to you when he talks and his voice is so deep and his eyes are so striking and he’s really handsome ???’ and julian sighs and goes to make himself another three expresso shots just to get through the rest of the hour

3. hogwarts au - where reuenthal is a slytherin, who’s bffls with a gryffindor (mittermeyer) and yang is the laziest ravenclaw ever sorted and did you know his best subject is a history of magic which everyone else hates??? so like they have potions together (because they’re the same age and so they would be in the same year level!!) and reuenthal thought that yang would be HELPFUL but there’s a reason yang consistently almost fails everything but history which is that he literally comes into class and then curls into a ball and then GOES TO SLEEP. so imagine reuenthal’s DESPAIR when he gets paired up with yang for astronomy as well? it’s his shittiest subject because ew astronomy??? and they’re assigned to do their major project together. but it doesn’t turn out as bad as he imagines. instead, they slowly develop ~feelings~ because there’s cute midnight dates on the astronomy tower where they cuddle beneath a blanket together for ~warmth~ and share hot tea while they do their star charts. then eventually reuenthal talks yang into going to a quidditch match and vaguely cheering for slytherin because reuenthal is one of their star players. cue attenborogh being thoroughly distressed by yang’s casual betrayal of his own house ‘but yang, you’ve never come to a single game in five years’ and yang replying ‘interhouse rivalry promotes antagonistic tendencies’ and wrapping himself up snugly with reuenthal’s green and white scarf.

honourable mentions go out to the following:

- hetalia!AU - where yang is the personification of the alliance and reuenthal falls in love with freedom

- soulmate!AU - where your soulmate’s name is written in their hand somewhere on your body & reuenthal’s been hiding his entire life because his name is written in alliance standard and yang just thinks that the curved lines across his arm is a really weird birthmark

- pokemon!AU - where yang is the most wtf gym leader ever and kind of just naps all day on a snorlax but no one’s been able to get a badge off him since he took the gym. reuenthal as an ambitious trainer who’s just missing THE ONE BADGE...

i actually have a heap more but i just. NEED TO CRY ABOUT THEM FOR A WHILE BECAUSE CANON IS MEAN TO ME

#ask me #anonymous #anon-friend you are best #reuyang #Anonymous

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dailydaveeddiggs · 6 years

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Today, thanks to “Hamilton,” Diggs, 35, may be the more established half of the “Blindspotting” duo, but that wasn’t the case when he moved back to Oakland after earning his theater degree from Brown. Though four years younger, Casal had already made a name for himself on the Bay Area spoken-word scene, from which he was plucked to appear on HBO’s “Def Poetry.”

Casal had set up a recording studio with the aim of finding other musicians to collaborate with, reaching out to Diggs on the strength of a demo CD the rapper had recorded in his college dorm room. The friendship took hold almost immediately: That first night, they created a few songs, which led to albums, live performances (with a group they dubbed the Getback) and countless sketches and online videos.

“Rafael was the most famous person I knew,” Diggs recalls. “He had really tapped into the YouTube audience pretty early.”

Casal’s videos caught the attention of Jess Calder (then Jess Wu). The young producer, partnered in Snoot with her husband, Keith Calder, had seen a couple of his spoken-word performances and was struck by both Casal’s charisma and the fact that he appeared to be a natural-born storyteller.

“In my mind, anyone who can tell a great story can definitely translate that to film,” explains the producer, who contacted Casal and proposed they meet for coffee. She asked if he’d ever thought about writing a screenplay.

“I’d thought about theater a lot, [but at that age] you’re trying to get $5 for something at McDonald’s. A movie is millions of dollars away,” says Casal. But he was definitely intrigued, and began fleshing out a character that was loosely autobiographical. Things started to click about a year and a half later, when the Snoot duo asked Casal to perform at a screening of their documentary “Thunder Soul” at a January 2009 presidential inauguration event in Washington, D.C. Casal couldn’t make it but suggested they book Diggs in his place.

“Daveed came and did like 15 minutes of freestyle at the event and kind of blew our minds,” recalls Keith Calder. “We were immediately like, ‘Rafael, the movie’s gotta be about the two of you!’”

And from that moment forward, “Blindspotting” became the story of two friends of different races forced to consider the world from one another’s viewpoints, all set against the rapidly changing Bay Area backdrop.

Casal hails from Berkeley, the city directly north of Diggs’ Oakland. But they both attended Berkeley High School and later split a four-bedroom house with two other friends for $1,200. “I can’t even imagine what that place would cost now,” Casal says.

Gentrification, fueled by the tech boom, has transformed the neighborhoods they once knew. “Seventh Street is just a BART station and a post office now, but in the ’30s and ’40s, that was one of the jazz and blues centers of the world,” Diggs says. The last of the local music venues, Esther’s Orbit Room (where Diggs’ brother had been a bartender), finally shut down in 2010. His mother and father (also born in Oakland) both had to move, priced out by the newcomers.

Though not a musical in the conventional sense, “Blindspotting” was born out of a desire to translate spoken-word poetry into cinema. “There are versions where it was damn near a poem the whole time,” Diggs says.

From 2009 onward, he and Casal worked on the script together, huddling over the same laptop since they had only a single licensed copy of Final Draft between them.

“We were trying to find a recipe for a world where verse could exist without it feeling like there’s a deliberate shift every time it goes into a number,” Casal explains. “The Bay Area is known for slang and for turn of phrase. It’s the evolution of pimp culture, so heightened language is already very prevalent in the way people relate to each other.”

For the next several years, Diggs and Casal spent their time driving up and down Interstate 5 between the Bay Area and Los Angeles, parking out front of wherever Snoot headquarters happened to be at the time and sleeping in their car if needed. They wrote draft after draft of “Blindspotting,” pitching the changes to the Calders while using Snoot’s facilities to work on music videos and other projects.

“I’ve always felt like our offices were a place where they should feel safe to create art,” says Jess Calder.

Before Diggs and Casal could complete a shooting version of the script, they were pulled away by other professional opportunities. Casal went off to teach verse-driven theater at the University of Wisconsin-Madison for three years. And, for Diggs, “Hamilton” happened.

“The thing about this business is you never know if something’s a break,” says Diggs. “I met Lin-Manuel Miranda because of a clerical error.” Diggs showed up for the same substitute teaching job as one of Miranda’s friends, Anthony Veneziale, who was also a rapper. They hit it off, and Veneziale invited Diggs to freestyle with his group, of which Miranda was a member. Later, when it came time to do an early reading of “Hamilton,” Miranda remembered Diggs and his rapid-fire delivery. “I was invited because I have this particular skill set that allows me to learn a lot of things very quickly,” recalls Diggs, who had just five days to memorize the show’s most demanding part. “I assumed they would replace me because they had plenty of Broadway performers to choose from.”

Except that Miranda didn’t replace Diggs, who spent nearly a year and a half with the production. “Before leaving ‘Hamilton,’ I made this comment to one of my agents,” Diggs recalls. “I was ready to go, but scared that I wouldn’t make any money again, and he said, ‘Don’t worry about that,’ and promptly booked my life with all these things.”

The day after his last “Hamilton” performance in mid-2016, Diggs found himself shooting the movie “Wonder,” starring Julia Roberts. The following week, he began working on ABC’s “Black-ish.” That was swiftly followed by a recurring role on “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” which had to be juggled amid a long-planned national tour with his experimental rap group, Clipping.

Into the midst of this whirlwind came the moment for which Diggs and Casal had long been waiting. Last March, the Snoot producers told them they had the greenlight to make “Blindspotting,” provided the duo could get their script in shape to shoot in June.

“What if I move to L.A. in two days and I write it for a month?” Casal recalls asking — and that’s exactly what he did, undertaking a page-one overhaul while Diggs’ fledgling screen career kept him busy.

“I was on airplanes every other day,” says Diggs, “so really the only through line were these midnight phone calls from Rafael to talk about this thing we’d been talking about for a decade.”

Excited about the prospect of finally making the movie, Diggs kept a rare 25-day window open in June for the shoot. Casal managed to get the rewrite done in four weeks. Reaching out to another old friend, they brought in director López Estrada, who immediately began pre-production.

The project’s Oakland focus attracted some production talent whom the producers normally couldn’t afford, including DP Robby Baumgartner, who had worked in the lighting department for Spike Lee, Paul Thomas Anderson and Alejandro González Iñárritu, and who brought the lighting crew from “Moonlight” aboard.

“We suddenly had this amazing team of people from the Bay Area,” says Diggs. “Doing something with your friends at a high level, that’s a dream.”

After production wrapped, Snoot submitted a rough cut to Sundance, which recommended the music-driven film for a Dolby Family Sound Fellowship. “Blindspotting” is one of two 2018 Sundance selections to have earned the generous post-production grant, making it possible for the filmmakers to upgrade their mix in time for its festival debut. (Past recipients of the grant include “Mudbound” and “Beasts of the Southern Wild.”)

Thanks to the grant, Diggs, Casal and other members of the production team — including López Estrada and the Calders — spent late December camped out on the Paramount Pictures lot on the same Technicolor stage where Michael Bay mixes his “Transformers” films.

On the same day of Variety’s visit, Diggs and Casal wrote a short piece of original music to replace a few seconds of temp score. Since they came up with the cue themselves, that means they can later expand it into a full-blown song for the soundtrack.

It’s the kind of on-the-fly challenge that has fueled the duo’s creative partnership for more than a decade — though “Blindspotting” is the first time they’ve been able to combine their writing, performance and musical talents to such a degree.

“As an artist, the only thing you ever want to do is something that requires every part of yourself,” Diggs says. “And it is so rare when that happens.” (x)

LOVE the insight as to how this all came together.

#daveed diggs #rafael casal #blindspotting #sundance #sundance film festival #2018 sundance film festival #variety #jess calder

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end-o-the-line · 7 years

Text

A Captain America: the First Avenger Timeline for Fic Writers

(I’m so sorry I erased the original post I’M SO SORRY! You can read this without the visual aids on AO3.)

March 10, 1917 - James Buchanan Barnes is born, and we were all officially fucked.

July 4, 1918 - Steven Grant Rogers is born, and somewhere in Brooklyn Bucky's mother wept . . .

June, 1924 - Steve's mother is bedridden from illness associated with Tuberculosis.

September, 1930 - 12-year old Steve and 13-year old Bucky meet for the first time in Hell's Kitchen, where Bucky scares off bullies trying to steal Steve's money. What were they doing in Hell's Kitchen? No one knows. Steve tells Bucky he's been living in the orphanage 'on 8th' since his mother's death. Which is odd since Bucky was apparently at her funeral when they're both legal adults in a flashback scene from the Winter Soldier. For the purpose of this timeline, info from the movies will take precedent over info from the various tie-ins. Meaning Sarah Rogers is basically Schrödinger's Ma for the next 6 years.

1936 - Shrodinger's Ma finally actually dies fo sho of Tuberculosis. Bucky breaks everyone and their mother's heart with his 'til the end of the line' line. (Also, per MCU canon, Bucky's 'folks' are still alive . . . and own a car.)

February ish, 1940 - Colonel Phillips first approaches Howard Stark, in Los Angeles, about working for the SSR. (Stark Industries was formed in 1939, and 'a year later' Howard is at a nightclub in West Hollywood called Ciro's, demonstrating the properties of Vibranium. Ciro's opened in January of 1940. So keeping in line with the MCU canon and with real world history, as you do, January 1940 is the absolute earliest that Howard could have been recruited.) They're pursued and Stark deploys rockets from the ass-end of his car to escape them because Howard Stark.

Agent Margaret "Peggy" Carter, aka Agent 13 is already in deep cover working for Schmidt as a maid in his personal mansion.

November, 1940 - Peggy rescues Dr. Erskine from Schmidt's mansion two days after Johann Schmidt forces him to inject the experimental serum, proving that we all could have saved a lot of time if Peggy had done that three fucking days earlier, Jesus.

May 25, 1941 - Steve goes to the Dodgers-Phillies game at Ebbets Field. Was Bucky with him? We don't fucking know. It was a Sunday, so maybe. It’s not like Steve knew other people . . .

December 7, 1941 - Steve and Bucky are in an art class - like . . . how can anyone write these two as dirt poor when they're fucking around on their Sundays at baseball games and art classes? By this point the economy was booming as the work force was being drafted left and right, these two would not have been in need of jobs. And two Irish-Catholics (honestly, Bucky is probably Scottish, lbr) skipping church? tsk tsk - when the class is informed by a runner that Pearl Harbor has been attacked.

Okay real talk here, for a second. The draft officially started in 1940, pulling men 21 years of age and older. In 1940, Bucky was 23. He was single, no kids. He absolutely could not have given conscientious objector status as a way to avoid it because if he had, when he was drafted later on he never would have seen combat. He should have been drafted in '40 or '41. The only reasons he wouldn't have been was if he was a student, or if both his parents and/or his siblings were considered his dependents. Since some sources say both Bucky and Steve were orphans, then it is entirely plausible that both Bucky's parents died close to the time Bucky turned 19 or 20, in which case he could have become the legal guardian of his younger siblings.

PS: Bucky is not an orphan in the MCU (nor is he poor in that suit, jfc):

So either Bucky was working like a damn dog supporting his family, in which case the fuck are you doing in an art class, kiddo? Or he was actually a student at a college or university.

.....he could also have, during the years the US was gearing up in case they were forced into the conflict, held a job that was considered vital to the coming war effort. This sort of deferment was limited to jobs in war production, and jobs that involved national 'health, safety, or interest'. Literally the only job I can think of without actually like . . . researching it, that Bucky could have been in where he would have been skipped the first few times but taken in '42, is if he had been a police officer. That would fit very well with his ability with a gun, plus explain why he made sergeant so fucking fast, with prior training other inductees would not have had.

Considering what a golden child Bucky was in Brooklyn, all three of those scenarios would be a perfectly valid reason for Bucky to have avoided the first several waves of conscription. Just thought that was interesting.

Anyway! Steve wants to enlist right away, so Bucky (a three-time YMCA welterweight boxing champion, suck it) trains him for two whole weeks because Bucky is apparently of the opinion that Steve is an idiot who won't get in anyway so why fucking bother going hard.

*at the time, under the regulations of the New York State Athletic Commission, welterweight was a weight class of 147 to >160 pounds. Meaning post-war Bucky gained about 40 pounds of pure muscle after getting the serum....dude.

December 24, 1941 - Bucky is right and Steve's first attempt to enlist fails so hard. Go to Midnight Mass, Steven.

March, 1942 - Red Skull fucks shit up in Tønsberg, Norway and finds the Tesseract.

September 21, 1942 - Bucky receives his draft card, and takes it to an intake facility and enlists in the US Army. The following dates are literally nowhere in canon, but I have research to back up what is essentially pure speculation on my part. His serial number is 32557038. There is a real world counterpart who actually had this particular serial number, and he was enlisted on this date. So, in order for Bucky to have gotten to the number before this guy, Bucky probably woke up early Monday morning to get shit done.

Desperate Historian's Note: I always assumed that since he was a Sergeant when he first shipped out, Bucky had been in service for at least a year and a half, which is still pushing it within the constraints of the timeline. Most NCO's at the start of US involvement in the War, Corporals and Sergeants, already had years of Army service under their belts. But no. 9 months. So. Bucky basically kicked ass and took names to become a Sergeant in 9 months of non-combat training (which took place at Camp McCoy, Wisconsin btw). That, or every NCO in his regiment came down with a sudden case of the Deads and he got promoted.....Bucky would have needed a special recommendation from the company commander - TWICE in 9 months - to reach that rank. Jesus. It is canon fact that Bucky was indeed an absolutely phenomenal soldier (and leader) . . .

He would have been sent to basic training and been gone for ten weeks, meaning it would have been over by the 1st of December, 1942, or thereabouts.

December 1, 1942 - Give or take a week or two, maybe, depending on how quickly he was whisked away after enlistment, Bucky would have been given a week's furlough after training at Camp McCoy ended.

December 8, 1942 - Since he is a designated marksman (not a sniper, the US Army didn't have those in WWII. A designated marksman was just a guy in a regiment who was an excellent shot and stuck with their regiment at all times and was used situationally, never went off alone to shoot people in the head and stuff), he absolutely would not have been sent to any sort of sniper training because, again, the US did not have those in WWII. He wouldn't have stayed in NYC, though.

He would have been on an Army base somewhere, with the occasional week-long furlough to return home. There were 114 mobilization camps by 1942, and only three of those in New York state; Madison Barracks, Camp Upton, and Pine Camp, with three more in New Jersey; Fort Dix, Fort Monmouth, and Camp Shanks. 17 were in California, 14 in Texas. Anyway. So, before Bucky leaves for war, he and Steve wouldn't have seen a whole lot of each other for the year before that, either.

June 7, 1943 - Bucky probably arrives in NYC on a final week's furlough before being sent to War. With the way Steve looks at him when he sees the uniform later on, and Bucky's cocky little head tilt, it's probably safe to say Bucky received his sergeant's chevrons not long before this furlough. (Honestly . . . I have never understood this part. Bucky damn well knew he was 107th from the moment he reported, and Steve should have as well. Also, ‘getting his orders’ had nothing to do with his uniform, soldiers were required to wear that shit everywhere they went. Unless Steve knew he’d gotten his orders simply because he was there and shouldn’t have been....whatever, movie exposition, blah blah)

June 14, 1943 - Steve's fifth attempt to enlist fails spectacularly because he had to claim to be from New Jersey. He then goes to get the shit kicked out of him in an alley behind a movie theater, that's what you get for saying you're from Jersey, Steven. He and Bucky attend the Stark Expo that evening, where Steve ghosts like an asshole - even though for all he knows this is literally the last time he will ever see Bucky alive!! - and is chosen by Dr. Erskine as a candidate for Project: Rebirth.

June 15, 1943 - Bucky and the 107th ship out for 'England'. Now, the troop transport Queen Mary left NYC on June 1, 1943, heading for Gourock, Scotland and carrying the 1077th Signal Company Service Group. It took 5 days; they arrived on June 6, 1943. On July 16, 1943, the Edmund B. Alexander carried 5,000 replacement troops to Liverpool, England. That journey took ten days; they made land on July 26, 1943. Maybe. The records are full of literal question marks, so I dunno. That's the closest thing I can find to Bucky's stated journey. Most of the troops leaving from NYC at this period were actually heading for Africa, landing in Casablanca, Morocco.

I know Bucky says he's shipping out for England in the morning, but it makes so much more sense that the 107th would have been sent to Africa and then swept up into Italy in the next four months of fighting, where Steve finds them later. It would be easy to deal with this by either saying Bucky's an idiot, or (my recommendation) that Bucky knew exactly where he was heading and he just wasn't telling Steve that he was being sent into the heart of the brutal African and Italian campaigns rather than a nice balmy Liverpool in the summer. The journey from NYC to Casablanca, Morocco would have been anywhere from 11-15 days.

June 20-25, 1943 - Bucky would have hit Liverpool, England right around this time, if that's the way he was sent.

June 25-30, 1943 - Bucky would have docked in Casablanca, Morocco, if this is the way it went instead. So I guess you could safely say he made landfall in the European Theater on June 25, 1943? Haha right in time for Mussolini to get his ass arrested and the Italian Fascist government to fall.

June 22, 1943 - Steve is injected with the super-soldier serum, right Steven? (Meaning he only had a week of basic training, at most, and everything else he knows about being a soldier he taught himself with all those books he brought to Camp Lehigh with him.)

September, 1943 - Ugh, okay, history nerds cover your ears, because there is just no way to make the real invasion of Italy match up with the MCU invasion of Italy. Unless the 107th just said fuck those guys and marched right into German territory past the . . . bombs and stuff. On September 9, there were Allied landings at Salerno and Taranto, Italy, and they didn’t enter Naples until October 1. I mean, is it really all that shocking that they got their asses kicked in Azzano? NO. But having a fucking USO show that deep into Italy means the MCU said fuck it, so you too can say fuck it when it comes to the real WW2 timeline in Italy, idfc. This is apparently what the MCU lines looked like at this point in time, and let me just tell you, see that bulge there, right under the Hydra flag? Those fuckers would have been surrounded and cut off so fast, so fast, just like in Bastogne. Assholes....anyway.

October, 1943 - The Battle of Azzano results in Hydra declaring war on anything that moves, including Nazis, and takes prisoners from various different regiments that historically were either still in training or in the Pacific Theater at this point, but that's fine. Prisoners are taken over 120 km away to a Hydra weapons factory in Kreischberg, Austria, where their Hydra captors separate the men into cages according to their nationality and other factors. The purpose of this is for the bickering hodgepodge of Allied soldiers to keep each other busy with in-fighting so the Hydra guards can forget to train and get beat up by Captain America in a month or so.

Dum Dum Dugan almost immediately makes a joke while Cage Team Howling Commando is introducing themselves, and a brawl breaks out. As you do.

In Bucky's cage are the following:

Jacques "Frenchie" Dernier, French Resistance, born January 2, 1911 (32). The fuck was your French ass doing in northwestern Italy, son? To my knowledge the French Resistance kind of worked mainly . . . in France. The Italian Resistance was very active in this period, so they could have been collaborating, but that's not what the Resistance did, mostly. So the only logical conclusion we can come to with Frenchie is that he was captured somewhere in France by Hydra and transported to the factory as labor. He lived in Marseilles before the War, and likely would have stayed close to it.

Major James Montgomery "Monty" Falsworth, born January 2, 1914 (29), of the British 3rd Independent Parachute Brigade, which historically first saw action in June of 1944, ha. Anyway, Monty was from Birmingham, England and was known in the comics as Union Jack, and the pin on his beret is a nod to that. Teeeechnically? Monty outranks Steve, but since they're not even part of the same Army, that's kind of a moot point. He winds up with the rank of Brigadier, which wtf, that means he outranked Colonel Phillips when the war ended . . . four for you, Monty.

Private Gabe Jones, born August 14, 1918 (25), was 92nd Infantry Division, a segregated unit that historically first saw action in September of 1944, haha. Gabe was from Macon, Georgia and was fluent in French and German thanks to pre-war studies at Howard University. Just as proficient in hand-to-hand as the others, he was often part of the team’s frontal assaults, as well as handling the radios . . . and he boned Peggy Carter in the comics.

Corporal Timothy 'Dum Dum' Dugan, born April 11, 1912 (31), was a member of the 69th Infantry Regiment, which is also known as the 165th or Fighting Irish, recruited solely from NYC, who were making landfall in the Pacific right about now. Frustrated historian's note: Had he been a real boy, Bucky Barnes would have been enlisted into the 69th Infantry as well, just like Dugan. Canon-wise it makes sense that Bucky and Dugan were from the same unit, even though canon thinks they weren't because canon made up the WWII-era 107th? Anyway, the fact that both Dugan and Bucky were in the same foxhole when the Hydra tank hits in the cut scene from First Avenger is all fucked up because you don't put your NCOs where they can be blown up together, okay. It's bad strategy. Add to that the fact that Dugan calls him Bucky like they've been buddies for a while, but the tie-in comic is still on 'Jimmy' and also states that Dugan and Barnes were in the same company after all, that cut scene is frustrating. Or I guess the comic is frustrating? Something's frustrating, anyway. I think the best way to deal with this is just to say that the 107th IS the Fighting Irish regiment because fuck it. Dugan will eventually take over leading the team when Steve goes splat, leading the Howling Commandos and being involved with SHIELD, and Nick Fury personally, well into the Cold War.

Private Jim Morita, born October 20, 1919 (24) - also, Happy Birthday here's a Hydra weapon NOW ASSEMBLE IT - wasn't in the same cage as the others, but he served in the US Army's Nisei Squadron as a Ranger, aka the 442nd Regimental Combat Team. Their real fight in the European Theater began in June of 1944, so who the fuck knows how his ass wound up in Austria. And since the whole unit was made up of men of Japanese descent, it's safe to assume there's a 50/50 chance Morita was given the choice back in Fresno between enlisting and an internment camp. A lot of fics write Morita as the team medic, but I'm not entirely sure why. In WWII, medics held a rank of Private, Private First Class, or Technical Sergeant. So, the medic would either have needed to be Morita or Gabe Jones in keeping with this. But there is literally no canon mention of him being any better at triage than any of the others, and he is definitely not a medic by trade. None of them are. The more likely scenario here, because none of them wear the insignia of a combat medic, is that all of the team were equally trained and capable at the most basic of field triage, but the team itself probably flew without a safety net and used the medics from whatever regiment they were shadowing at the time.

Sergeant James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes (26) - who you will notice is literally the fourth James in a team of 7 men - contracted what can only be assumed to be walking pneumonia on the battlefield of Azzano, and as his condition gets progressively worse in captivity, hastened by the hard labor of the weapons facility, he eventually becomes so weak that he drops several components in front of the officer in charge of the Facility, identified only as Colonel Lohmer. Lohmer beats Bucky like a rented mule, and when he's deposited back in his cage, the other four realize that if he's made to work again the next day, he'll die. They devise a plan to kill Lohmer, which would put one of the kinder Nazi assholes in charge who would allow Bucky to remain in the cages until he was able to recover. Their plan works, crushing Lohmer under a ton of machinery and symbolism and signifying the first time the soon-to-be Howling Commandos had worked together successfully. The soldiers return everyone to their cages after the accident to keep order, and Dugan tells Bucky that he's safe from Lohmer now, with the only punishment being a reduction of the POWs food rations for a week since there was no one specific to punish. Bucky is an ungrateful dick and not only asks Dugan to stop calling him "Jimmy", but graces him with the nickname Dum Dum in the process. Bucky is saved from dying on the manufacturing floor only to be singled out by Arnim Zola and taken to the 'examination rooms'. And we all know what happens there.

August to Early November, 1943 - Steve Rogers sings and dances his way through over 200 shows and makes several badly conceived films while his best friend is slogging his way through Italy.

November 3, 1943 - Steve disappears behind enemy lines to go find his Bucky.

November 8, 1943 - The Man With A Plan dramatically re-enters the Allied base camp where Colonel Phillips is fixin' to tear Peggy Carter a new one for losing Captain America over enemy territory. If the Battle of Azzano happened on a goddamn Earth map at the real Azzano in the Province of Udine, and assuming the Allied camp was somewhat close to that area, the march from the factory back to the Allied base camp would have been well over 120 kilometers as the crow flies. Those prisoners were metal af.

I'm getting that date from the assumption that walking over 120 km back to (supposedly because in reality they'd have needed to walk to goddamn Naples) Allied territory with 400 sick and wounded men would take a few fucking days. An American unit in Sicily in WWII (30th Infantry Division) marched 54 miles in 33 hours across country. But it's safe to assume that the company Steve rescues from Kreischberg would not be moving at top speed, but rather a steady pace that would keep them moving, but not fucking kill them.

The closest thing I can get to this incident is in July of 1944, when the German armies began a forced march of POWs across Germany to delay their liberation by the approaching Red Armies. Groups of 250 to 300 men marched over bombed out roads in a meandering route because they were forced to skirt around various battles, kind of like what our POWs would have to do in enemy territory. The groups would march between 20 to 40 kilometers a day, with very little food, clothing, shelter or medical care to speak of. Using 30 km/day as our benchmark, that's at least 4 days that it would have taken to get back to the Allied encampment. If the Hydra factory went boom on the night of November 3rd, and Steve flounced into camp in daylight, November 8th is a very safe bet.

November 15, 1943 - Steve pinpoints the Hydra facilities on the map in the SSR bunker in London (which was located in the Cabinet War Rooms in Whitehall) and is given permission to form his own elite special ops unit. Sidenote, the Howling Commandos were never called the Howling Commandos until after the War ended, they were merely called the 107th Tactical Team. Another nickname bandied about in 'non-canon because it contradicts the movie ahahahahahah' was The Invaders, which is probably what other soldiers would have known them as when encountering them. Neither Steve nor Bucky would know what the fuck a Howling Commando even is until they read up on history, and even then neither of them would likely ever think of himself as a Howling Commando.

Now, in trying to find this date, my inner frustrated historian has begun to weep, because I just cannot find a base in Italy that makes sense for any of these damn movements to have been based out of. The Allies hadn't even gotten through the Gustav Line at this point, which ran across the boot and through the town of Cassino, south of Rome. For them to be in Northern Italy close to the Austrian border, dude. WTF were they doing there? And how did they get in and out?? I mean was anyone really surprised when their straying asses got pounded by enemy forces deep in enemy territory??

I have no idea how to judge how long it would have taken for the future Commandos to get to London and drink in a pub because there is literally no rational logic to pinpoint their starting location, and therefore no way to guess what modes of transport were even available to them so close to enemy territory. The easiest way to find this date would have been to find out what date Captain America was awarded his Medal of Honor, but . . . even I'm not that good, apparently, 'cause I can't dig up shit. The Medal of Honor ceremony that happens at the same time as this scene would have been at least a week and probably more from the action on the night of November 3rd simply because it took that long for the paperwork to travel back to Washington. It was usually months before soldiers received their Purple Hearts, for instance. But let's assume this was fast-tracked because it's Captain goddamn America. Let's also assume they didn't have Howard Stark fly them back to London in his plane and tell the other 400 POWs to go make like a leaf and fuck a tree or something.

So the trip back to London probably took at least 7-10 days. We also need enough time to have passed that they expected Steve to get from the front lines all the way back to DC for the ceremony. My first instinct is to say up to a month could have passed when this scene comes around, but a month just seems way too long when looking at the context of the scenes, from the celebratory pub crawl of the POWs to the fact that Steve is being debriefed here, which would have been literally the first concern of an agency whose job is gathering intelligence.

TL:DR version, this could be anywhere from a week to a month later, idfk.

It's safe to assume this is also the night of the pub when Bucky reveals how heterosexual he is not by asking if Steve is going to keep his stage suit for no apparent good reason.

Mostly I'm putting this date here because it is the day the Allied Expeditionary Force for the invasion of Europe is officially formed. Having the SSR gearing up for - or as a result of - that meeting seems to make a lot of sense.

November 15, 1943 to March 4, 1945 - Steve and the Invaders, often along with other military forces, plow through HYDRA factories like an enraged ex with a John Deere tractor and a bottle of Jim Beam, and also join the larger battle against the Axis Powers on the Western Front. Essentially this period is Band of Broooos: Howling Commandos Edition. This period is where you can really have your fic fun, because canon doesn't tell us fuck all about it.

Well . . . that’s not necessarily true, though. Through the (paltry imo) Howling Commando montage of the movie, we see at least 10 distinct missions, and in clips from TWS there are hints of a few more; as many as 15 total. There are 6 Hydra facilities on the board, labeled 1-6. #4 was never taken during Steve’s time. But we can assume at least 5 of their missions were blowing the rest up. One was ‘in Poland, near the Baltic’, the other was ‘30-40 miles west of the Maginot Line’, thanks Steve. That doesn’t give us shit, son. But I will try.

1. A Hydra facility raid, #2. This is the one 30-40 miles west of the Maginot Line, labeled #2 on the map. West, in fact, of Liechtenstein, and southeast of Innsbruck, in a town that begins with RES. I think this is Resia, Italy, and the Reschen Pass (Resia Pass in WW2), which would make sense, tactically. I’d like to point out that they show Bucky entering with the team, show the team running out, show Steve riding out on his motorcycle, and then the place blows up. No Bucky. Take better care of your marksman, boys . . .

2. An approach with additional military forces through a forest, in the snow. Look at those BAMF motherfuckers. I got no clue what this mission could be, though. This has the feeling of a patrol, rather than a directed attack on anything. Bucky doesn’t even have his rifle.

3. A direct attack through a forest of exploding trees . . . no snow. This is probably a frontal attack intended to push at the enemy lines. With mortars like that coming at them as they advance, there’s no way whoever they were facing wasn’t dug in on a forward line.

4. This is most likely a harassment mission. They’re shown disturbing the lines of supplies to somewhere, and taking care to be covert, which is . . . not usually how Steve rolls, lbr.

5. Another Hydra base raid, Base #5. This is shown through only film, with Steve planning an approach to somewhere and a whole shitload of troops mobilizing with them. From where they are, he’s pointing south. God help me. Looking at the map he’s pointing to, the best guess I have based on the coastline is that it shows the northern bits of Belgium, and he’s pointing toward Hydra base #5, which is somewhere in the northeast corner of France, right below the border of Luxembourg.

6. Seek and destroy mission. This was another battle, not a base. Despite the fact that they’re in rubble, but then . . . most of Europe was rubble at this point, lbr. Peggy pulls a ‘Hydra battle lines’ flag from the map after this mission, so this was about pushing the forward line back. And we know this was the Hydra line, not the Nazi line. The scene we see was likely after the battle itself was over, when the search for the wounded and intel begins; that’s when enemy snipers made their last stand, like the one seen stalking Steve’s oblivious star-spangled ass. Bucky almost kills Steve for saluting at him and giving away his carefully chosen position.

7. A pitched battle in a town, somewhere. Steve is seen kicking ass and stuff.

8. Cool guys don’t look at explosions . . . The only reason I am separating these three clips is because the middle one is obviously in a forest, where the other two are in towns. We’ll call them three separate skirmishes. I would imagine all three of these are about pushing back that forward line.

9. The mega huge tank in the middle of town. I can see the team being sent out just to take care of this thing. Historian sidenote; the Nazis did indeed cook up some monster tanks. Hitler had a size kink. The Tiger II, or as the American GIs called it, the King Tiger, was . . . I mean, you were fucked if one of these rolled up into your path. They were damn near indestructible and they carried a big fucking stick. The problem with a heavy tank is that a Europe that has been bombed back to Creation for several years is a muddy Europe . . . if that Hydra tank wasn’t stuck in 5 feet of mud it was made of aluminum or something.

10. A last Hydra base raid, Base #?. This is shown only through the resulting smoking husk of a destroyed base and Red Skull being a diva. I don’t know which one this was, other than knowing it had to be #1, or #6. I hate to tell Steve, but I’m not sure any of the flags on this map are in Poland near the Baltic Sea, my dude. It would have to be #6 that he was talking about, though. #1 is just northeast of Lübben, Germany, in what appears to now be Briesensee nature preserve.

The only other hints we get at their missions are the clips of footage from TWS.

11. Hydra Facility #3. #3 is in the south of fucking Greece, near the northwestern tip of the body of water called Maliakos Kopos. There’s a marina in that area, Agia Marina, that would make a very convenient Hydra facility if I do say so myself. Now, this looks like a water landing! And it’s not an ocean landing, so that marina at facility #3 might be the ticket.

12. I’m going to call this a Hydra Facility Raid. Look at him go. There he go. Again, this is either #1, or #6. idfk anymore.

13. Prisoners. Cap is seen escorting surrendered German soldiers, It’s notable that they’re not Hydra, so that would be one of the ‘regular’ missions they ran with other troops. It could be part of any of the above missions, though.

14. Clearing out a town left by retreat. Those soldiers are not particularly the kind of alert that possible enemy combatants in the weeds will make you, so that town has probably been cleared.

15. Troop Transport/Advancement. This is notable because it’s a bridge, and not a little stone bridge, either, it’s a big one. In fact, this is the Ludendorff Bridge over the Rhine. (You can learn more about the capture of this bridge by looking up the Battle of Remagen.) Bridges were kind of a big deal at this stage when the German army was pulling out all the stops trying to prevent the Allied advance. Bridges large enough to convey heavy artillery got blown up but quick. This bridge in particular was front page news when it was captured by the Allies. Unfortunately, we can’t place Steve and his team at the Battle of Remagen, or at the Ludendorff Bridge, because this happened just days after Steve nosedived into the Arctic. So. We’ll call it an MCU bridge! This was either coming back from the front and they were deeper in Allied territory, or more likely after a battle, but on the way to the new front lines, as established by the winning of the goddamn bridge. Doubt this was a Hydra mission, either.

All in all, Bucky and Steve have 16 months of battle side-by-side. Bucky would have had 20 months total of combat service in the War.

I'm going to list some real events from the War during this time that the team might have been involved with or nearby for that could fill in some of those non-Hydra missions above, and some things they would definitely have at least talked about. You can skip these if you like, just scroll down to the next bolded bit. I am copying and pasting these because I can:

December 2, 1943: The Germans conduct a highly successful Air Raid on Bari, Italy. One of the German bombs hits an Allied cargo ship carrying mustard gas, releasing the chemical which killed 83 Allied soldiers. Over 1000 other soldiers died in the raid.

January 17, 1944: The first Battle of Monte Cassino begins when the British X Corps attacks along the Garigliano river at the western end of the German Gustav Line.

January 20, 1944: The U.S. Army 36th Infantry Division, in Italy, attempts to cross the Gari River but suffers heavy losses.

January 22, 1944: Allies begin Operation Shingle, the landing at Anzio, Italy. The Allies hope to break the stalemate in south Italy, but they are unable to break out of the beachhead and the line holds until late May.

February 15, 1944: The second Battle of Monte Cassino begins with the destruction of the historic Benedictine monastery on Monte Cassino by Allied bombing. The Allies believed the grounds were used as an observation post by the Germans

February 16, 1944: Germans launch a major counter-attack at Anzio, threatening the American beachhead.

March 15, 1944: The third Battle of Monte Cassino begins. The small town of Cassino is destroyed by Allied bombers.

April 27, 1944: The Slapton Sands tragedy: American soldiers are killed in a training exercise in preparation for D-Day at Slapton in Devon.

May 8, 1944: D-Day for Operation Overlord set for June 5.

May 11, 1944: The fourth battle of Monte Cassino begins led by general Anders of the 2nd Polish Corps.

May 18, 1944: The Battle of Monte Cassino ends in Allied victory. Polish troops of the 2nd Polish Corps led by general Władysław Anders capture Monte Cassino. German troops in west Italy have withdrawn to the Hitler Line.

June 4, 1944: Allies enter Rome, one day after the Germans declared it an open city. German troops fall back to the Trasimene Line. Meanwhile, Operation Overlord is postponed 24 hours due to high seas.

June 5, 1944: Operation Overlord commences when more than 1,000 British bombers drop 5,000 tons of bombs on German gun batteries on the Normandy coast in preparation for D-Day. And the first Allied troops land in Normandy; paratroopers are scattered from Caen southward.

June 6, 1944: D-Day begins with the landing of 155,000 Allied troops on the beaches of Normandy in France. The Allied soldiers quickly break through the Atlantic Wall and push inland in the largest amphibious military operation in history.

June 10, 1944: At Oradour-sur-Glane (a town near Limoges), France, 642 men, women, and children are killed in a German response to local Resistance activities.

June 13, 1944: Germany launches a V1 Flying Bomb attack on England, in retaliation for the invasion. The V-1 attacks will continue through June.

July 3, 1944: The Allies find themselves in the "battle of the hedgerows", as they are stymied by the agricultural hedges in Western France which intelligence had not properly evaluated.

July 24, 1944: Operation Cobra is now in full swing: the breakout at St. Lo in Normandy with American troops taking Coutances.

August 15, 1944: Operation Dragoon begins, marked by amphibious Allied landings in southern France. Elsewhere, the Allies reach the "Gothic Line", the last German strategic position in North Italy.

August 19, 1944: The French Resistance begins an uprising in Paris, partly inspired by the Allied approach to the Seine River.

August 25, 1944: Paris is liberated. The German military disobeys Hitler's orders to burn the city.

September 2, 1944: Allied troops enter Belgium.

September 6, 1944: The "blackout" is diminished to a "dim-out" as threat of invasion and further bombing seems an unlikely possibility.

September 9, 1944: The first V-2 rocket lands on London.

September 17, 1944: Operation Market Garden, the attempted liberation of Arnhem and turning of the German flank begins.

October 18, 1944: Hitler orders a call-up of all men from 16 to 60 for Home Guard duties.

November 1, 1944: "Operation Infatuate", an Allied attempt to free the approaches to Antwerp begins; amphibious landings take place on Walcheren Island. It would become a major supply port for the Allies by the end of the month.

November 20, 1944: Hitler leaves his wartime headquarters at Rastenberg, East Prussia, never to return; he goes to Berlin, where he will soon establish himself at the bunker.

December 16, 1944: The Battle of the Bulge begins as German forces attempt a breakthrough in the Ardennes region. The main object of Hitler's plan is the retaking of Antwerp.

January, 1945 - The only mission the MCU gives real details about comes from the Smithsonian Exhibit's interview with Peggy Carter (which you can watch in its entirety btw). The 'difficult winter, 1945' has to be January, and they were outside Stalingrad, Russia. During - or possibly in the aftermath of - a blizzard, Steve (and presumably the Commandos but fuck those guys amirite Agent Carter?) fight their way through a Hydra blockade that had been there 'for months', and saved half a battalion, over 1,000 men, who'd been penned down behind German lines. That's literally all we've got for mission details, and none of that makes any sense. Like any. At all. Why the fuck were they near Stalingrad?? How did they get to the Eastern Front, STEVEN???

February 1945 - Bucky falls from a goddamn train in the Alps. There is no resource to tell us how much time passes between Bucky's fall and Steve's supposed death in the Valkyrie. So let me get my history on for a second. On February 17, 1945, the British Special Air Service executed Operation Cold Comfort, a parachute drop raid near Verona, Italy with the objective of blocking the main rail lines through the Brenner Pass by landslide. The Brenner Pass is a mountain pass through the Alps which forms the border between Italy and Austria. Sounds familiar, right? (It's also featured on one of the Captain America covers, Captain America No. 33, 1943).

The operation would ultimately be a failure, but since Schmidt wouldn't have known that, hearing rumors of this operation, or even word that it had been attempted and fearing a second try, this could have been the inciting incident behind why he had Zola hauling his evil ass along that railway at a speed described as 'moving like the devil'. So we can safely put Bucky's fall between February 15 and February 25th. You could also stretch and say it was February 14th, if you are the reborn incarnation of Satan.

Now, by the end of February, the Red Army was sweeping through the northern regions of Poland toward the German border, moving north and west. It's a Russian soldier who finds Bucky in the Alps, so either that patrol was way the hell out of their lane, or . . . Bucky laid there for a while, folks. Seriously, the Red Army didn't even sniff the border of Austria until March 31, 1945 with the Upper Silesian Offensive. Which leads one to postulate that, a. the Russians who found Bucky were lost as fuuuuuck, b. the Russians who found Bucky were a rogue group who defected to Hydra after Hydra declared itself a separate entity from the Axis forces (doubt it), or c. neither Steve nor any of the rest of the team ever actually looked for Bucky's body, even after Steve went down in the Valkyrie, and he laid there for weeks. I honestly choose to believe one of the former, since the latter is just . . . I can't.

[No, you know what? Fuckin......frustrated historian meta addition.]

It's always bothered me that they might never have looked for Bucky's body, y'know?

I always assumed the arm got ripped off when he hit the side of the ravine. Like maybe he grabbed for or hit a ledge and the speed/height of his fall was just too great and it got ripped off. Because it's not crushed like it would be if he'd landed on it, it's a traumatic amputation. It almost had to have happened during the fall. Which could mean he'd have landed close to the edge, or maybe like hit higher up and tumbled until he was at the bottom instead of freefalling the whole way?

In his flashback, you can see he's still bleeding as the soldiers are carrying him. Bleeding a lot. If he'd been in the water or motionless in the snow for any amount of time, the bleeding would have at least become sluggish. He'd be hypothermic; his body would route blood away from his extremities to protect his vital organs, plus the blood vessels in the wound would be constricting due to the cold. But, if he'd been moving under his own power trying to get to help, it would explain why he's still bleeding; his movement kept the blood circulating where it would otherwise have clotted up.

In this gif, it looks almost like the blood trail starts just a few meters away. If we take a leap and assume that when they started moving him it jogged him awake, then this scene shows where the Russians found him. Those are trees, aren't they? Meaning he moved under his own power after he landed. Meaning he got the fuck up after falling off that train, and walked through that ravine toward help. What a fucking badass, jfc.

Two things I think we can say with certainty; one, the Russians were definitely searching for someone. He's on a stretcher, which wasn't something a normal patrol would've been carrying, especially over rough terrain. They had it with them for a reason. And two, the Russians weren't there because of Zola. Between Bucky falling and Gabe taking the control room, he had very little time to get off a communication with sitrep and location. And even if he was able to, it would have been to Hydra troops, who would have shown up wearing Hydra gear. And Russians are almost certainly not part of Hydra at that stage in the War.

Those Russian soldiers were probably an Allied search party that was sent out to find Bucky. That would tick off a lot of problem boxes, wouldn't it? It would mean someone - the SSR, the Army - did order a rescue/recovery for a damned war hero like a fallen Howling Commando, and Allied Russian troops were closest or something. It would explain why Russian soldiers were in such a remote area, with a stretcher, when they had zero other reason to be there! It would explain why Bucky is listed as KIA instead of MIA even though they obviously never found his body. It would also explain why Bucky didn't struggle as they were carrying him off; he thought they were on his side, rescuing him.

My theory after writing all this up? He lost the arm in an impact with the side of the ravine, but contacting the ravine walls also slowed his landing and put him on dry ground. He then got up like a BAMF and moved, either until he found shelter under some trees, or he simply collapsed from shock or trauma or exposure or all of the above. An Allied rescue/recovery party found him, but they were Russian, and they reported him KIA and kept him because they knew he must be enhanced to have survived that sort of fall, cold, and blood loss, and they wanted their own Captain Comrade.

March 4, 1945 - The SSR and other forces raid the secret Hydra bunker and Steve Rogers boards the Valkyrie on his way to getting fridged, literally haha, so Peggy Carter can become a hero . . . good job Captain Cannonball.

March 15-24, 1945 - The Commandos assist in Operation Undertone, which was part of the Allied invasion of Germany by the U.S. Seventh and French 1st Armies of the U.S. Sixth Army Group. It was a very real operation, so info is easy to find about it if your heart is still in your chest after watching both our boys plummet to their supposed deaths.

Some time in April probably?? 1945 - Dugan and Morita head to the last known HYDRA facility, Facility #4 bitches!, known simply as the Fortress, located some the fuck where in Austria, with Peggy Carter. They capture HYDRA General Werner Reinhardt and take possession of the first known classified 084, the Obelisk. We don't see the Obelisk again until Agents of SHIELD.

May 8th, 1945 - VE-Day. The remaining five members of the team gather in a pub to toast 'the Captain', suggesting that they did indeed just leave 'the Sergeant's' body rotting in the Alps somewhere, fuck that guy. (It is notable that one of the tie-in books for the movie states explicitly that they toast to both 'the Captain' and 'the Sergeant', so it's probable that they gave each man his own, individual farewell. We just didn't see it.)

(If you want more timeline! Trying to track the Winter Soldier through both canon and history.)

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #Howling Commandos #history nerd rants #research #fic reference #history sorta #timeline #meta maybe?#captain america #ca:tfa #MCU detail references

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mxn-yoongi · 7 years

Text

Best Friend Duty (Yoongi x Reader)

This is for my anon that requested Random Lines Post #8 with Yoongi! I hope you like it.

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Fluff (kinda), Comedy(ish)

Word Count: 5,355

Summary: Baby Fever, Best friends, and Beautiful Beginnings.

“Mom, I know. I know. I’m telling you women do this all the time. Not all of us can have a magical love story like you and dad. I’m twenty-four with a stable career, plenty of savings, no debt and a nice house. What else am I waiting for?” You shift around on the couch to get into a more comfortable position while switching TV channels in hopes of finding something good to watch.

“Maybe an actual man to impregnate you the way it’s supposed to happen. Not some random sperm out of a cup. I don’t want my grandchild not knowing their father or even having one around.” You can almost feel your mom rolling her eyes through the phone at your seemingly outrageous idea. You’ve always loved children and they seemed to like you back but you haven’t been able to find Mr. Right and you were ready to settle down. That’s what led you to the conclusion that you would go to a doctor for artificial insemination. It’s not like you were the first woman in the world to want a child but was unable to find a decent man.

“It’s not completely random...they give me some information on the donor just not his identity. Yoongi can be a father figure if that’s what you’re worried about.” Min Yoongi, your best friend since birth. Your parents had been friends for years before the two of you were even in the picture. You were born a mere four days after him and since your first meeting at only one week old the two of you have been practically inseparable. You lived next door to each other your whole lives meaning you went to the same elementary, middle and high school. As children the two of you rarely slept apart. You two were either sleeping at your house or at Yoongi’s house but never without the other. That stopped when you entered high school for obvious reasons but even then you were always together.

“I know you’re ready to start a family but I don’t want you to have to do it like...this. It was hard enough for your father and I together. I just can’t imagine you doing it alone.” You knew you wouldn’t be doing it alone but your mom was a worry wart. After high school somehow you and Yoongi had ended up at the same college even if you hadn’t revealed to each other where you were accepted. Your parents had agreed to pay for an apartment for the two of you so long as you guys continued your studies. Yoongi studied to be an architect while you opted for interior design. After the two of you graduated and found stable jobs things were perfect really. You had settled into a comfortable routine.

“You know I won’t be doing it alone mom. Did you forget about Yoongi? I literally just talked about him. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on my mini me. He lives here so he has no choice really.” In Yoongi’s first six months of being hired at the company he currently works at he was put in charge of planning and designing a new building for the university the two of you attended. With the money he made from that project and the money you had saved up from the few jobs you had been specifically hired for the two of you purchased a home together and that’s where the two of you are today.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! I have the best idea ever. You have to hear me out though. Okay, here I go. You plus Yoongi equals one baby. You see it would be perfect since we’ve known the Min’s since before you were even born, you’ve lived together your whole lives basically. Didn’t you once tell me he was your first kiss? It’s like a match made in heaven. You even live together isn’t that convenient! Why don’t you go ahead and ask him to help you out.” It was true, Yoongi gave you your first kiss on New Year’s Eve the year the two of you turned sixteen. He did bite your lip so hard it started bleeding but you guys agreed to forget that. Yoongi was actually your first everything, I guess it comes with hanging out with each other so much. On your eighteenth birthday you had taken each other’s virginity which was a big wreck from the start. It was bad considering not only did you buy condoms that were too small but you also put it on inside out and then Yoongi was so uncomfortable you guys didn’t really get anywhere until you bought a larger size and read the directions on the box.

“Mom what the hell!?! What am I supposed to say, ‘Will you knock me up because I can’t find a decent man?’’ It’s not like that’ll catch him off guard or anything. He’ll send me to some kind of psych ward!” After not being able to find anything to watch on TV you resort to going on your laptop to do a little more research on the clinic you have decide to go through with the procedure in.

“Just ask him. Maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Besides, I know Mrs. Min has been hassling Yoongi about giving her grandchildren. I was in her restaurant the other day and she was telling me about how she thought that ex girlfriend of his was going to be the one and how she was so ready for him to settle down.” You shake your head even though your mom can’t see you.

“Whatever you say mom. I should go make dinner before Yoongi gets home. I love you. Tell dad I love him too.”

“You’re living such a domestic life already. Marry him!” You hang up the phone just in time to hear your mom practically screaming through the phone.

“Are you crazy? Should we get you checked out at the doctor? Did I even hear you right?” Yoongi had nearly choked on the water he was drinking but you pat his back to make sure he doesn’t die on you.

“Believe me this was not my idea but the more I think about it the better it sounds. All I really need from you is a cup of sperm! How hard could getting that even be? Don’t you wake up with a boner every day anyway? Might as well use it for a good cause.” Yoongi looks at you in disbelief as you shove a forkful of spaghetti into your mouth as if you weren’t even having this awkward conversation.

“Oh god you really did say what I thought you said. You want me to give you a cup of my sperm so you can have a baby. Y/N are you being serious right now? No. Absolutely not. Nope. Not doing that.” The sound of his utensils clattering on the empty plate in front of him diverts your attention from your meal to his face.

“Yoongi! As my best friend it’s your duty to keep me happy. I won’t be happy unless I have a baby so just knock me up already!” Reaching over to him with your napkin in hand you wipe a bit of sauce from the corner of his mouth. He mumbles a quiet ‘Thank you’ before crossing his arms over his chest.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how the whole best friend thing goes Y/N. I can’t just hand over a cup of my sperm like that. “ You smirk and tilt your head to the side before speaking up again.

“We can make a deal! You give me a cup of sperm and I’ll buy you lamb skewers whenever you want for a whole year.” Bingo. The instant he changes his mind you can see it on his face and you know you’ve won.

“Deal. When do you need the cup? I can get it to you in twenty minutes if you get me lamb skewers right now.” You honestly can’t believe all it took for him to agree was food. I guess the way to a man’s heart really is through his stomach. Or in this case the way to get your best friend to give you a cup of his sperm.

“Okay, slow down. It’s not that easy. I have to make a doctor's appointment to get some tests done, there’s this whole cycle and the actual insemination can only happen when I’m ovulating to make sure there’s a better chance of me actually getting pregnant. I won’t actually need your sperm until the day of. “ Yoongi lets out a groan which causes you to raise an eyebrow.

“Sounds like a pain. How much is this gonna cost you anyway?”

“Depends on how many times they have to do the procedure in case I don’t get pregnant the first time around, or the second, or third, or fourth. I’ll estimate around $2000 or more if things go well the first time.”

“$2000? Are you seriously going to pay $2000 for some doctor to turkey baste my kid into you? I could do that myself in 5 minutes.”

“I’m not really surprised at the fact that you can only last 5 minutes. That’ll come in handy later when I’m actually ovulating. The faster you can get in and out the more opportunities we’ll have at going at it. Thanks for being a good sport about this. You’re gonna save me so much money. Goodnight!” You begin getting up to get ready for bed but the words leaving Yoongi’s mouth stop you.

“Wait wait wait, I wasn’t being serious about the whole doing it myself thing.” You cross your arms and give him a ‘really’ face before rolling your eyes.

“You’re going to make me pay $2000 for something that we could get done in like 5 minutes? I thought you were my best friend. It’s not like this would be the first time. We just don’t have to worry about the condom this time. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.”

“You are going to be the death of me Y/N. I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“You’re only doing it for the lamb skewers.”

“True. Goodnight.” You and Yoongi turn in for the night after everything is settled.

2 weeks later - Yoongi’s workplace

Yoongi is sitting at his desk surrounded by his colleagues as they discuss a new architectural plan he was put in charge of. His laptop flashes to life beside him as you video call him through skype.

“Sorry, I should probably answer. She wouldn’t Skype me unless it was an emergency.” Yoongi accepts the call and as soon as your face pops up he’s ready to greet you only to be interrupted.

“You didn’t answer your phone. I’m ovulating. Come home.” You end the call before he can even say hello or goodbye. Now he’s left with a blush spread across his cheeks as his co workers laugh behind him.

“I didn't know you were married Mr. Min.” One of his colleagues speaks up causing Yoongi to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from snapping.

“Yeah well now you know. Anyway...I have to go now.” Yoongi shuts his laptop and collects his things in a hurry. He’s already so embarassed he doesn't think he can even face his co workers.

By the time he gets home you're waiting by the door ready to pounce on him.

“You're here! LET'S DO THIS.” You immediately reach out and begin loosening his tie but Yoongi’s hands stop yours before you can get it off.

“Woah Woah Woah. I'm mad at you right now! My coworkers think I'm suddenly married and you embarrassed me in front of them! They probably think we’re going at it like bunnies.” You nod while he speaks and pretend to listen while your hands slowly pull his tie undone as he goes on.

“Are you even listening to me?” You nod your head slowly and proceed to pull his blazer off of his shoulders and toss it with the undone tie now discarded on the floor.

“Oh yeah of course I am. Bunnies...are married. Time to make me a baby!” Yoongi scratches at the back of his neck awkwardly. The last time the two of you had done this you were nineteen and wasted. Now you were adults and you were having sex with a purpose. He wasn’t even sure he was ready for this but it was too late to back out now.

“You’re hopeless. Baby Fever is real and you have a severe case. Are we just going to have sex and then wait and see or...”

“I was thinking we could do it like three times today to maximize my chances. Then day 2 we can go again for an even higher chance.”

“Sounds like a pla-....wait three times? Day 2?” It’s too late for him to protest now though because you’re already dragging him into your bedroom for the fun to begin.

Three hours later Yoongi is rolling out of your bed utterly exhausted. Both of you are covered in a sheen of sweat but you refuse to get up or move around in general.

“I’m gonna go get some water. Do you want some?” You nod your head and Yoongi walks out of your room to the kitchen. When he returns the glass in his hand is only half full as he tries handing it to you.

“Are you not going to get up? Get dressed? Shower?”

“Are you crazy? If I get up now everything is going to leak out of me and then I won’t get pregnant. Plus a shower! Yoongi are you trying to sabotage me right now?” You toss a small pillow at him from your bed.

“Sorry Sorry. I’m going now. My job here is done.” Yoongi collects his clothes from the ground and takes his leave.

“I’ll get you lamb skewers tomorrow! I promise!”

3 week time skip brought to you by my laziness

You walk into your home with your arms full of groceries. Literally full. There was no way you were going to make two trips just for some groceries your mom didn’t raise a quitter that needs to take two trips. Yoongi is sitting on the couch with what you assume is his date for the night. He had texted you earlier seeing if you could come home a bit later so that he and his date could relax. He said she would be out by 9 PM and it was currently 9:30. When Yoongi looks over at you after you fail to shut the door quietly he immediately rushes over to help you completely forgetting about his date.

“Y/N! You shouldn’t be carrying all these groceries by yourself. This can’t be good for baby Min. You should have called me out.” He takes the groceries out of your hands and takes them to the kitchen. You’re left standing there awkwardly while his date looks you over in a judging manner. After three weeks and a missed period you had finally gone to the doctor to confirm what you hoped was true. You were in fact pregnant and when you had told Yoongi he had attributed your success to his ‘insanely fast and healthy swimmers’. When Yoongi returns she finally speaks.

“Baby Min? Are you kidding me right now? I can’t believe you would ask me out when you already have a woman and baby at home.”

“Oh no no no this is a big misunderstanding. Yoongi and I aren’t a thing. He’s really just the sperm donor for my baby except he or she was conceived the normal way to save some money and yeah it’s not that complicated. He’s my best friend and the dad but we’re not like a thing. You know?” The look on her face as you explain the situation is priceless. Nonetheless your explanation does nothing to calm her down and she collects her things before storming out of your home.

“Geez what was her problem? Sorry for ruining your date she seemed...nice. I came home after 9 like you asked me to.” Yoongi doesn’t bother following her out instead he shrugs and goes back to the couch to finish watching the movie he was watching. You follow behind him and sit on the loveseat across from the couch.

“I think she was trying to get me to ask her to spend the night but I’m not a big fan of all that cuddly stuff you know. My arm gets numb after having someone lay on it too long not to mention having hair in my face is not ideal.” You sprawl your body out on the loveseat but it isn’t big enough for you so you end up rolling completely off of it onto the ground while you laugh.

“Y/N! You’re being so reckless right now. Did you forget that you’re pregnant now? Taking care of not only yourself but also my-...your kid.” You get up off the ground and roll your eyes. “Yoongi, the kid is smaller than a poppy seed very protected by my uterus and several other layers of my body. I have more of a chance of hurting myself than I do hurting the baby. Calm down.” You sit down on the couch next to Yoongi and lay your head on his shoulder.

“I can’t wait to be a mom.” You say before drifting off to sleep against Yoongi’s side.

Pregnancy: Month 4

“At my last appointment the guy at the front desk was so beautiful I almost cried.” Your mom laughs on the other end of the line as you walk down the street in the summer heat.

“I’m sure his beauty was what almost made you cry and not any particularly drastic hormonal changes that come along with pregnancy.” You were on month 4 of your pregnancy and your bump was becoming more prominent. Your jeans were becoming tighter so you had stuck with sundresses on days you were off. When you were working you opted for fancier dresses and blazers. Today though you wore your loosest jeans and a t-shirt so it would be easier to get your ultrasound done.

“He was REALLY good looking. Anyway, I have to let you go now. I’m outside my doctor’s office. Today I find out the gender of my mini me. I’ll keep you updated mom! Love you.” You hang up the phone before walking into the building through the automatic doors. You check in at the front desk and sit in the waiting room for what seems like hours before they finally call you in for the ultrasound.

“Alright Mrs. Min, what brings you in today?” He assists you with getting up on the examination table.

“I’m officially four months along as of one week ago and I’m ready to find out if I’m having a boy or a girl.” You lie back on the examination table and lift your shirt up eagerly. This was your fifth appointment since finding out you were pregnant so you were already familiar with the routine. Although you still could not get used to the cold gel being spread around your tummy as the doctor tried to get a clear picture of your baby. Yet again you grimace when the cold gel is squirted onto your stomach. You stare at the screen excitedly as the doctor finally manages to get a good picture of Baby Min curled up comfortably with their small hands balled into little fists.

“Your husband will be happy to know that you two will have one healthy baby boy.” You might have lied a little about your situation to the doctor and anyone in the waiting room. You only told people you were married because every time you came in alone they gave you pitiful looks and you were getting quite tired of them.

“A bouncing baby boy. I can’t wait to tell him!” The doctor hands you some wipes to clean the gel off your tummy before helping you sit up.

“I’ll go get you print outs of the ultrasound. Congratulations Mrs.Min.” You bite your bottom lip softly while smiling. You couldn’t wait to tell Yoongi about this. He was always so eager to see the ultrasound photos. It was like he was really embracing the fact that it was also technically his child growing inside of you. Not to mention the fact that after you had told your parents about this they were over the moon with joy. Especially Yoongi’s parents, they hadn’t stopped sending small gifts and little care packages since the day they found out. After getting your printouts you begin the short walk home. You stop along the way at a small food vendor cart to get Yoongi his lamb skewers. Surprisingly, he hadn’t asked for them as often as you thought he would.

When you arrive home the house is quiet because Yoongi was probably working. He was in the final days of the construction of a building he had worked on so he had been staying out later to supervise the building process. You leave the lamb skewers on the table and head to your bedroom to change into something more comfortable. Most of your work could be done from the computer so you figured you could get some stuff done while you waited for Yoongi. You settle down on the couch and get to work.

A few hours later

“Y/N…” You slowly open your eyes when Yoongi gently shakes your body. “Hello, Sleeping Beauty. I figured the couch was uncomfortable so you might want to get to your bed.” Your eyes light up at the sound of his voice.

“I have some news for you!” You reach for your purse and pull out the pictures from the ultrasound quickly handing them to him. He looks at them carefully before the gummy smile you love appears on his face.

“It’s a boy. Not really a mini me but he’s mine and that’s what counts.” You mess with your hands in your lap and look up at him. “I was wondering if maybe you wanted to help me name him...I mean he is yours too. I was hoping you wouldn’t mind if I gave him your last name. I thought about it a lot and I want him to acknowledge you as his dad you know...only if that’s okay with you though.” You were a bit nervous. This wasn’t what Yoongi signed up for when he agreed to help you have a baby. What if he wanted nothing to do with him? What if you were putting too much pressure on him.

“That sounds good to me. I was actually hoping my kid would have my last name. I need someone to leave my riches to when I die anyway. “ He was so casual about it you released a breath you didn’t even know you were holding in. Suddenly your eyes begin to water.

“Y-yoongi...I just wanted to say thank you so much for doing this for me. I’m so lucky to have a best friend like you and I just- I just couldn’t have asked for a better man to be the father of my baby.” You wipe the small tears falling from your eyes and Yoongi can’t help but laugh at how abruptly your mood changed. He sits next to you and pulls you into a warm hug.

“You’re such a baby. I’d do anything for you Y/N you know that. I’m just looking forward to seeing the little man. If he’s anything like his father he’s going to be very handsome.” You let out a small smile and bury your face into his chest. You were slowly falling asleep again but you swore you felt Yoongi kiss the top of your head before you were out like a light.

Pregnancy: Month 7

You are at the point in your pregnancy where waddling around the house is an actual thing. You thought people were lying but it was true you really do waddle. Yoongi made sure to mention it every single time he saw you walking (or waddling) around the house. You have also been having stomach pains lately which your doctor said was normal due to your body preparing itself for labor. As your due date got closer and closer the more anxious yet excited you were. One of the spare rooms had officially been turned into a nursery. Yoongi had also wanted to baby proof your home but you assured him that could wait until the baby could walk around or at least crawl. Every time you try to do something remotely strenuous Yoongi steps in to do it himself. Your life was just a big series of ‘no’ and’ don’t do that’.

“Yoongi I’m taking out the garbage.” “Don’t you dare Y/N”

“I’m going out for a walk.” “Not by yourself you’re not.”

“It looks like you forgot your phone upstairs, I’ll get it for you.” “I got it. You stay down here.”

“Y/N where are you?” “I’m cleaning the kitchen I just can’t get this thing to come out of the spray bottle.” “NO harmful chemicals around my kid Y/N!”

You were almost sick of how protective Yoongi was over you right now but it was also very sweet. Over the last few months he has been so supportive and understanding about what you were going through. He helped you get over every worry you had. He had even gone to a few appointments with you which you were grateful for. Yoongi also had a bad habit of putting his hands on your bump when you were least expecting it and he constantly has cold hands which makes it ten times worse.

You remember the first time he had out right asked you if he could touch the bump. You were laying on your bed watching TV when the baby began kicking you were so excited that you called Yoongi into the room and he stood there watching as you pointed out the spots the baby was kicking. He looked like he had something on his mind so you asked him what was wrong.

“I was just wondering if I could maybe...touch your bump. I kind of want to feel him kicking.”

“Yoongi...you don’t have to ask. Go ahead. He’s kicking right around here.” You grab his hand and place it on the side of your tummy. His large hand is surprisingly soft and he’s pressing down gently to get a better feel. Ever since that day he thinks he’s the only one that has free reign over the bump. He won’t even let some of his best friends feel it.You quickly regretted telling him he didn’t need to ask.

You never thought you would see Yoongi be so affectionate ever but it was like you were the sun and he revolved around you. Well he probably revolved around the baby more than you but it was the same thing. By affectionate you meant how he often liked talking to the baby about anything and everything.

The two of you were watching a movie in his bedroom and by the ending credits you were falling asleep. You weren’t exactly out yet but your eyes were closed and you did look like you were sleeping. Yoongi shuffled lower onto the bed so his head was near your stomach. You felt his cold hand rest on your stomach and it took everything in you not to push it off.

“Hey Baby Min. It’s your..dad speaking. I’ve been thinking about what to call you. I like SungMin but your mommy likes MinJae. I told her it would be a little weird to call you Min MinJae and she told me it would be weird to call you Min SungMin. I think I’ve come up with a good compromise but I wanted to see if you liked it first. What do you think about being called Min SungJae?” You feel a particularly strong kick which almost blows your sleeping cover but you manage to keep up the act. Yoongi smiles and rubs his thumb back and forth gently. “I knew you’d like it. My little Min SungJae I can’t wait to meet you. 2 more months...Daddy loves you. ”

Yoongi shuts the TV off and settles himself in for bed. Your heart nearly explodes from the cute display of affection you just witnessed. Yoongi was the last person you would expect to be so eager to become a father but now that it was happening right in front of your eyes you felt butterflies in your stomach and you were positive the baby had nothing to do with it.

Pregnancy: Month 9

“Yoongi if you tell me to breath one more time I’m going to break your hand.” Your grip on his hand tightens as another contraction flows through your body agonizingly slow.

“Sorry. I just saw it in movies and I figured it would help.” You bite down on your lip harshly to stop a yelp of pain from escaping passed your lips.

“I think it’s time we call a doctor in here. I’m ready to evict Baby Min.”

“Okay Okay I’ll go find someone. You just...stay here and don’t move.”

“Where would I even go Yoongi?” You respond to him as he rushes out of the room massaging his hand.

Five minutes later Yoongi returns with your doctor and you get down to it.

At approximately 2:43 AM you welcome baby Min SungJae into the world. Instead of screaming at the top of his lungs at birth he lets out a few wails that have you itching to hold and comfort him. He’s absolutely perfect. 10 fingers. 10 toes. The cutest little button nose just like his father. Both you and Yoongi shed a few tears while you stare down lovingly at your newborn.

“He’s absolutely perfect Yoongi. I’ll never be able to repay you for this. “

“You already did repay me Y/N. You and SungJae are all I need.” Your eyes shift from SungJae to Yoongi and before you can say anything else he presses his lips against your own in a gentle yet passionate kiss. You’re caught off guard but you return the kiss nonetheless, who knew all you needed to find Mr. Right was to ask him to father your baby.

“I knew they were going to get together by the end of this. You owe me $50” Yoongi’s mom walks in with a smug look on her face meanwhile your mom follows behind her searching for money in her purse. Both you and Yoongi laugh at their antics before going back to admiring your son.

1 week later

Setting the empty bottle down on the bedside table you hand SungJae over to Yoongi slowly so that he can burp him.

“I’m going to get a warmer onesie for him while you do that I’ll be right back.” Yoongi nods his head while resting SungJae on his chest and patting his back gently. By the time you return from the nursery SungJae is fast asleep on Yoongi’s chest.

“Do you want me to take him to his room?”

“Nah, we’re good right here.” You smile lovingly at your two boys.

“Are you just going to stand there and stare at us or are you going to join in on this cuddlefest?”

“I thought you weren’t the cuddling type.”

“I guess I can make an exception for the loves of my life.” You get into bed and curl yourself into Yoongi’s side while he wraps an arm around you. You rest your hand on SungJae’s back and release a content sigh.

“I love you, Yoongi.”

“I love you too, Y/N.” SungJae shifts around on Yoongi’s chest and you rub his back soothingly.

“We love you too baby Min.”

A/N: This is definitely going to have more parts. I’ll probably make it like a little series. I want to call it the ‘Mini Me’ Series. Thanks for giving me the motivation to write this anon!

#bts writing squad #yoongi x reader #min yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #min yoongi x you #dad!yoongi #father!yoongi #dad yoongi #father yoongi #baby min

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nfirr · 7 years

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Apocalypse Soon-Ish

I was tagged by @ubiquitouskitty asking what kinds of skills would make me an asset in the event of social collapse and Fury Road-level mayhem. Hoo boy here's the list: -In terms of physicality, I'm used to running and long-distance travel, especially on hikes through forested and alpine wilderness. My physical strength output in terms of lifting is lower than average for someone my height, but by god I can carry a pack with tent, bedding, and all the necessary survival tools I need for a whole day if it means being in the clear -Speaking of camping, I have both equipment and (more importantly) experience in camping in mountainous and forested areas, so I know what kinds of things are necessary for a good settling spot, how to properly treat cookware and avoid getting everything dirty within the first few days, and basic stuff like finding good water and staying away from possible predator territory. In terms of equipment, I both own and regularly use basic wilderness survival tools (compact cookware, a flint&steel) as well as some cheap yet valuable things such as water filtration tubes and neodymium magnets. Oh, and if that equipment isn't available, I can still make a burn bowl to boil clean drinking water and make a shelter from mud, sticks, and a few leaves affixed to a rocky overhang. -Archery. For the better part of 9 months I've been practicing more and more with traditional archery with a flatbow made of 100% hickory wood. All in all, I'd say I'm a much better shot than when I first started, and I know more about bows and arrows to the point where I started fletching my own arrows a few months back. Knowing how to properly shoot a bow is one thing, but knowing how the weapon actually works and how to both maintain and create materials to sustain the hobby is a much richer and I'd say valuable skillset. Only downside is that I'm not super quick on draw-and-release because I've been practicing more for accuracy than anything, but hey, take when you can get, eh? -Firearm experience is a very VERY new concept for me, as I've only shot a firearm twice in my life. Of course, I have experience with both BB and pellet pistols to the point where I can hit a plastic water bottle 30 yards out, but that doesn't count for actual firearms. Not the best shot when it comes to rifles, but better than the average first-timer with a handgun. Again, my only experience is through BB and pellet pistols, but with those I'm pretty confident in myself. -I've had experience in carpentry using traditional tools, though I know my way around a modern workshop. Through both my grandfather and my father I have had a basic mechanical understanding of furniture, housing, and other carpentry-based craft, and I think that's helped in my understanding of making shelters when a tent isn't available in the wilderness. However, if it comes time to build fortifications or just a chair for an elderly person caught in the shit, then I'm your guy. Who needs a jigsaw or a fancy wood-sculpting machine when you've got some chisels, a pedal-turned lathe, and a few good saws, hammers, hand-drills, and screwdrivers? Oh, and I have enough metallurgy experience to make nails from small bits of iron using Viking-era technique of pulling-pinching-punching. -Electrical experience isn't huge for me, but through my electroplating internship I've picked up a bit on how to run circuits that don't fry the rectifier you're using for power. I also think that my chemical knowledge from the same job will be helpful. When all your War Rigs are rusty from driving in the sand, maybe you'll need some chrome or zinc playing to stave off corrosion? If so, I know the chemical makeups of some commercially successful baths and the places to get said chemicals if all goes to shit. Chemistry experience also helps if you want to know how to neutralize certain toxic chemicals getting on your skin. Rule #1: washing acid off is cool, but caustic will take skin no matter what you do unless you neutralize that shit first. Sulfuric acid also will take skin if you try to wipe it with a paper towel without rinsing it COMPLETELY first. -I may or may not have started a fight club my freshman year in college and I may or may not have participated in a fight or two. Turns out that while I don't punch as hard as the next guy, I'm almost always faster, know where to hit, and have enough drive and stamina in me where I can just keep going until the other one gets tired. Don't matter the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog. I guess my black belt in taekwondo helps in regards to speed and vulnerable areas :D -I know a shit ton about wildlife. I love animals. If there's an animal somewhere that someone doesn't know how to deal with, they could end up dead. You don't try to intimidate a big brown bear, but black bears it might work. You don't fuck with the diseases that coons and geese can carry. And it's nice to know what kinds of birds go after which kinds of seed and food, and how to avoid pests in crops. Capsaicin is a good deterrent for mammals if you're raising birds and don't want coons getting in your seed! I think that having some basic knowledge of the creatures that live alongside us would help in surviving the natural world and not wind up hurt or dead because you didn't respect the boundaries of certain animals. Giant anteaters will fuck you up, man. -I taught Sunday school to kids for years and want to be a teacher in the somewhat near future, and I think that education will be an important tool in a post-contemporary world. Not only in the matters of faith, but also in things like science and language. LITERACY!! I'd like to think that I would be effective in keeping younger members of our species engaged and invested in learning so that they can have a broader understanding of the world both as it is and as it was. History contains useful lessons in dealing with other people and protecting the natural environment, and I think that these lessons are important to share with children. -My experience teaching kids comes from a religious background, and I'm writing an honors thesis in the religious studies department in my university as part of my second major, so I think that something people may not consider is the role of spiritual guidance when all goes to shit. I'm not Catholic myself, I will not pretend to have a deep connection to the divine if I have not found it yet, but being able to cite examples of religious people and events that can help console and lend guidance to those who question their faith is something I think may be overlooked -I'm okay at understanding and speaking Spanish, have basic one-year experience in German, and know enough Mandarin Chinese from 3rd-10th grade, so that may come in handy if there's nobody else around that has more applicable experience. That about wraps it up. I tag @cripotle @guardianlioness and @neurodoodle, have fun y'all.

#apocalypse #I guess?

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suckitsurveys · 7 years

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When’s the last time you went shopping? Earlier today at Wal Mart. I got two sets of plastic drawers and a little project for our Bob’s Burger’s themed kitchen.

How many Sweet 16’s have you been to? Maybe one?

Pen or pencil? Pen usually.

What’s your favorite beverage? Barq’s root beer.

Have you ever played The Sims? Nope.

Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Nope.

Are you more artsy or athletic? Definitely artsy.

Are any of your friends vegetarians? Yeah. My best friend is a vegan.

Can you run a mile in under 7 minutes? Not even close.

Do you know how to play any instruments? Nope.

What’s your favorite shampoo/conditioner? I don’t have one.

Are you a fan of the Grand Theft Auto series? Not really. Mark’s played the newest one and I’ve been kinda interested in it but not enough to play. Danny Tamberelli (Little Pete)’s voice is in it so that’s kinda cool.

Do you like the beach? I do!! Very much so.

Do you have your license? I do.

Where’s your cell phone right now? Right next to me on the side table

What was your best subject in school? Sociology.

And your worst? Chemistry.

Would you ever have plastic surgery? If I needed to sure.

Did you hate the book “The Lord of the Flies”? I did.

Do you consider yourself lazy? Yuuuup.

Do you or did you have a curfew at one point? When I was like 9 to 13 I had to be inside when the street lights came on. After that I didn’t really go out enough to have a set curfew.

Do you know what BMI stands for? Body mass index.

Is there someone on your mind right now? Nah.

What’s your favorite holiday? Halloween and Christmas.

How many times have you felt betrayed? I’m not sure.

What’s your relationship status? Engaged.

Do you peel the wrappers off of plastic bottles? Sometimes.

Have you ever sleep walked? Not that I’m aware of.

How about sleep talked? Mark has said I do sometimes.

Are you watching TV right now? Family Feud is on but I’m not really paying attention to it.

Do you have any siblings? I have an older sister.

Have you ever earned a Varsity letter? Nope.

Do you enjoy theater productions? I do.

Are you shy or outgoing? A little of both.

How much sleep do you get on average? About 6 on a week night.

Have you ever moved? Once when I was 4 into my childhood home, and once into the apartment we are in now.

What’s your favorite type of food? Type? Seafood.

How old were you when you had your first kiss? 12.

Can you roll your ‘R’s? Nope.

Have you ever been drunk? Yes.

Are you homophobic? Of course not.

Jump in leaves or jump in the ocean? Either sounds fun.

Do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses.

Where was your first job? Java Thai, a small Thai restaurant and coffee shop near my house.

Are you a MAC or a PC? PC.

Would you rather be weak and skinny or strong and built? Weak and skinny.

Are you wearing shoes right now? Nope.

Have you ever straightened your hair? Not by myself no. I’ve had it straightened.

When’s the last time you spoke to your best friend? I texted Lydia earlier today.

Do you like Vitamin Water? No. I’m not into flavored water.

Have you ever played Super Smash Brothers? My all time favorite.

How about The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time? Nope.

Are you the oldest child? I am not.

Are you a fan of Twilight? Nope.

Do you like the Jonas Brothers? Meh.

Did you ever collect Beanie Babies as a child? I did! I still have the collection. My dad built these casings over the doors to the bathroom and bedrooms on the second floor of the house and they work really well as shelves, so the casings that are above the bathroom and my childhood bedroom house the Beanie Babies.

Do you remember your second grade teacher’s name? Mrs. Yamanaka, or something like that.

Would you rather be a lead singer or play an instrument in a band? Instrument.

How many songs do you have in your music library? I don’t know how to check that in Spotify.

What do you like on your sundaes? I don’t really eat them but caramel and nuts.

Have you been blessed with the ability to cook and/or bake? Eh, it’s not that difficult.

Have you done anything productive today? Yes. I worked and then went shopping for some things for the apartment.

How old will you be in 3 years? 30.

Have you ever bought anything on eBay? Nope.

How about sold anything? No.

Have you ever watched the show Jackass? Yes. I’ve seen the movie too.

Share one of your hidden talents with us. It’s so hidden I don’t even know what it is.

Have you gained more than 5 lbs within the past year? I don’t know for sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

Do you want kids at some point? Never ever ever.

Pick a crazy color you wouldn’t mind putting in your hair. It’s already blue and green. I don’t think it’s been like actually yellow or orange so maybe that?

Are you lactose intolerant? Nope.

Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental disorder? Not professionally.

Do you believe in abstaining from sex until marriage? No.

Is there any jewelry you wear almost all of the time? Yes, my engagement ring and earrings.

How do you feel about PDA? A little is fine.

What time did you go to bed last night? I think around 11.

Have you ever been in a hot tub? Yes.

Are you confident in yourself? Ha. Some days are better than others, I guess.

How old is your current cell phone? About two years old.

What is your sexual orientation? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Have you ever been to a tanning salon? Not to tan, but in a salon that also had tanning beds.

Are you on a laptop right now? I am.

Can you speak in another language? Un poco habla espanol. Or something.

Have you ever told someone you loved them and actually meant it? Lots of times.

What’s your favorite zoo animal? PANDAS but the only place I see them is in Memphis.

How is your hair currently styled? It’s down.

How long are your showers (on average)? 15 minutes.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow? Work. Then maybe going to the gym.

Are you multitasking at the moment? I mean, the TV is on but that doesn’t require much focus.

East or West? In what context?

Do you prefer iced coffee or hot coffee? Iced.

What time did you wake up today? 6 ish.

Would you rather be taller or shorter than your current height? I’m okay.

What was the last ‘family gathering’ you attended? Hmm. Christmas eve at my house.

Are you wearing perfume right now? Nah.

What did you do last night? Made dinner and just hung out.

What’s worse: working in fast food or retail? I wouldn’t know.

Do you have any college or future plans? I mean, future plans, sure.

What was the last consumed alcoholic beverage? Mimosas on Saturday afternoon.

Are you wearing socks right now? Nope.

Is your most recent ex seeing someone right now? I have absolutely no idea.

What’s your favorite physical feature? My hair or my legs.

Shopping: love it or hate it? Depends.

Lose weight or gain it? Lose, for the love of godddddddddddddddddd.

Would you ever go vegetarian or vegan? No thank you.

Do you need to do laundry? Mark just did some.

Do you believe that high school years are the best years of your life? Nope.

How old do you want to be when you get married? I'm getting married this year so 27.

Beer or wine? Wine.

What are you allergic to? Nothing.

Where do you get most of your groceries from? Jewel. Breakfast, lunch, or dinner? Dinner.

Have you ever gone on a movie date? Yeah.

Do you look like your parents? I look like my dad and a little bit like my mom with certain expressions.

Where did you make your last purchase from? Lucky Grill with Liz for dinner.

Have you ever bought clothing online? Yeah.

Did you exercise today? I took a walk. I guess that counts.

Are you warm or cold? A little cold.

Showers or baths? Both.

Do you wear any perfumes/colognes/body sprays? Yeah, I wear body sprays because I sweat so much and it makes me stinky so the sprays make me feel fresh.

What color dominates your wardrobe? Black and blue.

Are you in any sort of pain right now? My feet a little bit. This survey is so long.

Soda or juice? Soda.

Give a shoutout to someone special. Baby girl you are my world.

Spring or fall? Fall.

Are you hungry right now? Nope.

Gum or mints? Mints.

What size shoes do you wear? 8 ish.

Do you curse a lot? Probably too much.

Do you like cats? I love kitties SO much.

What’s the last thing that made you laugh? Probably something Mark said.

Is there a TV in the room you’re in? Yup.

Who did you last attend a concert with? My friend Rachel and Mark’s old neighbors who are now her neighbors. Rachel’s boyfriend is in a band and they came to see him in Chicago so I met them there.

Is there carpet on the floor of the room you’re in? Mhmm.

Do you sit on your feet and let them fall asleep? Way too often, yeah.

Are you taking any trips soon? Maybe. Mark and I are getting married in July and then that night we are either going to Starved Rock or this hotel we went to for our 6th month anniversary.

Swim in the ocean, or swim in a pool? Either.

Are you body conscious? I mean, yeah?

Do you eat meat? Mhmm.

Describe your position right now. I can’t really haha.

Are you in your own room? I’m in the living room. But I’m gunna go to bed so I’m gunna finish this tomorrow and probably in a different post.

Have you ever received nude pictures from someone? -

Do you support animal rights? -

When’s the last time you ate a marshmallow? -

Do you typically skip breakfast? -

How many relationships have you been involved in this year? -

Quick! Think of something yellow. -

Is Perez Hilton an asshole? -

Are you signed into Facebook right now? -

Admit it: you had a Neopets account. -

Is there a pet in the room with you right now? -

How’s the weather? -

Have you gone out to dinner in the past week? -

When’s the last time you stepped on a scale? -

Vodka or rum? -

Have you ever given yourself a french manicure? -

What’s your most complimented feature? -

How many pillows do you like to sleep with? -

Are you a healthy eater? -

Waffles or pancakes? -

Name a food that doesn’t sit well in your stomach. -

Do you know anyone with an eating disorder? -

What have you done so far today? -

Garlic knots or garlic bread? -

What messenger services do you own? (AIM, MSN, Yahoo…. etc.) -

Are you signed into any of those accounts right now? -

Name someone you know who has dyed their hair. -

How weight conscious are you? -

Have you ever shot a gun? -

Do you like the smell of Sharpie markers? -

What’s your favorite eye color? -

Rent a movie or go see one in theaters? -

Is there anyone else with you right now? -

Do you recycle? -

Have you ever been accused of cheating? -

How about having an eating disorder? -

Would you ever go on a birth control pill? -

Do you know how to do your own laundry? -

Uggs or crocs? -

Have you ever taken a train? -

How about a subway? -

What’s the capital of Florida? -

Do you know anyone outside of your country? -

What do you eat most frequently? -

What’s one sport you could never play? -

What is the oldest age you think should wear makeup? -

What’s your heritage? -

Are you an open book? -

Are you sick often? -

Is being thin really all that great? -

Favorite year in high school? -

Have you ever been to a night club? -

Are you at home right now? -

Does any accent annoy you? -

How about turn you on? -

What’s worse: Crocs or Uggs? -

How was school today? -

What phone do you have? -

What time does your school start? –

What phone would you LOVE to have? -

How many siblings do you have? Are you close? -

Do you still tell your mom everything? -

#surveys #unfinished

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