#there is nothing about this fandom that isn't exhausting anymore

[mrsbuckybarnes1917]

Bucky isn't a fan of children roaming the streets in costumes and asking for candy. But it only takes one little boy to change his mind.

This is my Halloween contribution to the fandom and a shoutout to @jessybarnes, congrats on reaching 500 followers!

Word count: just over 1k

He had just gotten home. Bloodied and bruised. There hadn't been any time for him to change. In fact, he had barely stepped through his front door when his phone pinged with a notification from you.

Went to the store to grab more candy!

Bucky scowled. Halloween. He didn't have time to think about such mundane things as your favorite pagan holiday. Naturally, you felt otherwise and had taken the liberty of decorating his home for him.

It was lucky he lived in an apartment building. What was the likelihood that any kids would-

"Trick or Treat!" A chorus of voices accompanied a knock on the door.

His shoulders drooped in disappointment. Maybe he could ignore it?

"TRICK OR TREAT!" There was only one voice this time but louder than before.

Bucky was a patient man who knew multitudes of silence and stillness. He would be patient.

"Come on, Mister! I saw you go inside!" The voice of a little boy who was far less patient than he was.

A sigh escaped Bucky's lips. He was exhausted and didn't particularly want to deal with the emotional baggage that came with the way he expected a child would react to his appearance. He knew people still saw him as a monster, despite his pardon. He had no desire to see fear reflected in the eyes of innocence. But the pounding didn't stop.

He looked around wildly for something to give the expectant youth. His eyes finally landed on a bowl beside the door. There was one candy bar left inside.

Well, it was better than nothing. Bucky grabbed the bowl and wrenched open the door. An audible gasp stopped him in his tracks. He looked down to see an eight year old boy dressed as Captain America standing before him, mouth agape.

"Here kid, this is all I've got," he held out the candy bar to the frozen child.

Both Bucky and the boy stood facing each other for what felt like an eternity to Bucky. Neither of them moved and Bucky wondered if the boy's jaw could drop any further. His silence was making Bucky very uncomfortable.

"Look kid, just take this and go," he dropped the bar into the kid's pumpkin basket. As an afterthought he added, "you don't have to be scared."

"Are you an Avenger?" The boy whispered.

"Not exactly, kid."

"But you're friends with Captain America?"

Bucky was loath to answer this question, but he couldn't exactly deny that he and Sam were friends.

"I guess you can call us friends."

"Do you have superpowers?"

Bucky shrugged. He thought of superpowers belonging to heroes. He would never describe himself as one.

The kid smiled and continued talking despite Bucky’s nonverbal state. “My dad lives in Washington DC now.” 

“That’s nice?” Bucky felt the need to respond to the wide eyes which hadn’t left his face since he opened the door.

“I went to visit him over the summer. He doesn’t live with me and my mom anymore.”

Bucky didn’t miss the glaze of sadness which washed over his face, and he didn’t like how it made him feel.

“Did you like it there?” he asked the boy.

“Yeah! He took me to the Smithsonian.”

Bucky finally understood what the boy was telling him.

“I read about you.”

“Oh.” Bucky’s face fell. The kid had read about the Winter Soldier and his past. “Look, I’m not-”

“You’re my favorite!” The kid was positively beaming up at him.

“F-favorite?” Bucky stuttered, utterly baffled by the response he was receiving. “Favorite what?”

“Howling Commando!” He bobbed up and down with excitement. “You’re Steve Roger’s best friend!”

“Yeah,” Bucky’s face softened and he replied softly, saddened by the thought of his oldest friend. He missed Steve. He looked down at the child before him, his bright eyes and blonde hair. “What’s your name, kid?”

"Steve," he smiled. "My mom named me after Captain America because he saved her life when she was pregnant with me. Dad tells me what happened as a bedtime story on my birthday." The light behind his eyes dimmed with his last words. "He missed it this year."

"I'm sorry, pal."

"Next time I see him, I'm going to tell him I met an Avenger!"

"I bet he will be real impressed!" Bucky smiled, choosing not to correct little Steve.

"When I grow up, I wanna be just like you!"

"I don't think you want that," Bucky answered wistfully.

"You don't think I can be a hero?" Little Steve's face fell.

"Of course you can!" Bucky inwardly cursed his use of language. He knelt down in front of the boy and laid a hand on his shoulder. "But you know my friend, Sam Wilson? Captain America?"

Little Steve nodded solemnly.

"He's the guy you want to grow up to be. Got that?"

"Yes sir, Mr Bucky."

"But if you ever tell him I said that, you'll never get candy here again. Understood?" Bucky said sternly, dropping his last candy bar into the kid's pumpkin basket.

"I'd better get going or I'll miss out on the good candy. No offense, but you gotta get something better than this."

"Working on it, pal," Bucky smiled as you turned the corner, arms laden with several bags. He unburdened you and emptied the contents of one bag into Little Steve's small hands.

He delighted in the sight of the boy's bright eyes and toothy grin. "Thanks!" he cried, backing away with his sugary horde.

"Don't eat it all at once!" Bucky called after him. 

You stood to the side watching the way Bucky had spoken to the little boy, giving him a smug smile.

"What?" Bucky frowned.

"What was that about?" You pointed between Bucky and the spot where Little Steve had stood.

"Kids these days, no respect. We didn't have the luxury of being given this much sugar when I was a kid."

"Is that why you gave him half of what I just brought back?"

Bucky shrugged.

"Come on, let's go inside. The kids may think that blood is fake, but I know better!" You steered Bucky into the apartment. "And if you're good, you'll get a treat too!"

“Did I mention that dress looks incredible on you?" Bucky smirked, eyeing your rockabilly cap sleeve dress with its sweetheart neck and flared skirt. True to the Halloween spirit, it was covered in a pumpkin and ghost design.

You put your arms around his neck. “There will definitely be treats tonight,” you purred into his ear.

[aroace-ventplace]

I don't know how to put this right. I really hate qprs, I hate how they're just pushed as "relationship for aspecs" not just in fandom but real life. I hate just the emphasis on lifelong friendships and alternative deep relationships. It drives me up a wall, this seeking out for relationships "equivelant" in depth and closeness to romantic partners without the romance or sex. Maybe this isn't me being aroace? Maybe I really am aplatonic also? But I can't stand the thought of suffering a relationship that suffocatingly close, that's how I knew I was aromantic and I feel like I'm going crazy every time I see other aros and aces lamenting and mourning never getting to have such a deep relationship. Familial relationshipd are the best, because they have a limit to their passive degredation. My cousin doesn't mind it's been 2 years since we talked she still invites me over to her house to see her and talk! Friends are already exhausting what on earth could possibly ever make someone want to deal with something even more than that! What's so appealing about it? What is it everyone even other aros see in these relationships that make them lament lacking them? I can't see anything but cons. It feels like when people get upset about a friendship ending, I'll never understand that drive. I've never felt expected to have a romance or sex life, but I've always felt expected to want an equivelant, to "not be alone" and I can't tell how much of it is subtler forms of amatonormativity and how much of it is just spectrum.... I don't even know what I'm ranting about anymore...

i definitely relate to a lot of what you’re saying. the a-spectrum is so wide that constructs that are really important to one part of the community (like qprs) can make other people (non-partnering aros like myself) feel alienated all over again. this is a bit of a messy subject to tackle, but personally, the idea of being in a qpr fills me with the same kind of revulsion i feel towards being in a more “traditional” relationship. i’m genuinely happy for the aspecs who feel comfortable in qprs—it’s just not something that’ll ever fit me, and that boundary can sometimes feel a bit isolating in general aspec spaces.

i… can’t really discuss aplatonicism/friendships without bringing up the fact that i’m autistic (as are many aspec people). to me, autism feels like being an alien that’s forced to pretend to be human. i don’t understand other people, and most of them don’t understand me, and trying to keep up with them is exhausting; it’s easier for me to just keep my distance. i do have people i consider friends, but what i define as a “friendship” looks very different from what society expects it to be. as an autistic person, most of my relationships are less… “intense,” i guess. prolonged social interaction just isn’t something i’m suited for, and that’s how my brain works, and it’s fine—just like it’s fine how i don’t experience “romance” in the societally expected way.

sorry for the rambling; if nothing else, i hope it at least helped you feel like there’s someone else out there who’s experiencing the same things as you. best of luck!!

[olderthannetfic]

I feel a lot more excluded and isolated in fandom than I used to back when I first joined around 2015.

I know it was actually just luck that I happened to choose to follow a handful of people who made fandom feel this way, but there was this always such an inclusive vibe back then. Fic writers made it a point to kind of, invite their readers to stand on an equal footing with them. I remember the 'popular cool kids cliques' being writers and artists, but also including people who didn't make anything themselves. Very occasionally they'd make original posts but mostly their 'role' in fandom was just to talk to and support the people who made stuff, and they were still in all the inner circles.

Like there was an active effort to spread the message that you can be a part of the community, and your presence is important too, even just as an audience member - if you at least actively participate in the conversations sometimes. And I feel like it's fully turned back around now. Nobody wants mostly lurkers around anymore, public spaces are shrinking in favor of discord, and nobody is interested in trying to make friend with the rando who occasionally drops in to say a lot of nice things about your fics but who isn't good enough with people to try to get a conversation going.

Idk I just keep seeing fandom events or even polls where people will just hang out and chat and it's very clear that even if the event is fully unrelated to writing only writers are welcome and it makes me feel like shit. Making friends is never a walk in the park for me to begin with but now I feel like I have an extra obstacle to clear. I miss the feel I used to have of fandom being less cagey and ashamed and more welcoming.

TL;DR I wish I still had or could make some new fandom friends lol

--

2015, huh?

The bad news is that making friends was always potentially hard for the entire history of the world and will likely continue to be so aside from pockets of luck. The good news is that nothing has changed so radically since 2015 that you couldn't get lucky again.

I gotta tell you, as someone who gets approached a lot, has almost exclusively fandom friends, and loves people... Being expected to do all the work is a big, big turn off.

I'm always happy to see people who actively participate in conversations. That's not lurking.

I'm terrible with usernames or remembering people online as individuals if I haven't seen their actual face, but I do remember a lot of people who comment regularly here. There's someone I talk to all the time in private now whom I met through comments and who's one of my more treasured online friendships.

But if people truly are "mostly lurkers", I'm going to forget who they are. If someone is bad with people and therefore expects me to get every conversation going… well… that's pretty exhausting.

I think the biggest keys to friendship are finding people you're already naturally compatible with and then consistency. You have to find people who are a good fit, and you have to show up if you want them to know you care.

[aita-blorbos]

(fandom OC) AITA for resenting my best friend's missing sister?

HEAR ME OUT I KNOW THAT'S A BAD START. I promise this isn't a jealousy thing just. Let me explain. Cause this one is gonna need a lot of context. So about half a year ago I made this friend, lets call him J. J is a really caring guy, usually pretty cheerful and upbeat- but when I met him he was exhausted. Hanging up missing posters for his sister- let's call her A. Me and J ended up getting really close and we started spending a lot of time together. I could tell he was really determined to find her, so I thought he'd make some progress. But.. nothing. They didn't find anything.

And the way A disappeared was.. weird. Like, she was at work, in a room with a bunch of either people. She was a yoga teacher or something so they were closing their eyes for a bit, but then they realized that she just. Wasn't there anymore. And no one's seen her since! No one saw or heard her leave! She just up and vanished. And by now I've met a lot of her family, I've talked to a lot of her friends. I don't know if I've heard a bad word about this woman. No one can think of anyone who would want to hurt her.

So her family's come to the conclusion that she ran away. Just.. left. Decided to leave her life and look for a new one. And that would be fine, but.. people loved A. J especially loved her. Her disappearance sent him into a depression for awhile- this woman was loved by so many people and she didn't give anyone an explanation or even a goodbye!

People talk about her like this calm, responsible saint, but she just abandoned them. And it was something she did to my best friend. But, at the same time.. she clearly brought joy to a lot of people. She improved lives. There's some reason she was loved. Is it wrong of me to resent her? Especially when I've never actually met her? AITA?

[baxterstockmanisthecenterfold]

old follower from when you were Baxterstockmanismyson, why'd you delete your old blog? What made you come back?

I pretty much explained why here

But to some it up basically, I was just sick of the harassment & constant hateful responses my friends & I Myself would receive almost daily because of the most simple opinions.

Hell I actually remember this one time I was making a rant about 2012 Stockman's character mishandling & I brought up the Rise turtles for 2 seconds & even made a stupid joke about how I'm surprised no one accused the 2012 ones of racial profiling & this one user took it so seriously they harassed me & my followers the rest of the day

I also can't help but find this bit from them ironic considering they could have did the exact same thing with my post & followers.

This isn't even a one time thing too. As I just said. The fandom would just take EVERYTHING too seriously & attack anybody that disagreed with them in any shape or form & a lot of my best friends at the time were victims of cyberbullying because of them including me. Yes I could have ignored them, & most days I did tbh, but every once in a while there was always that one miserable person that just wanted to PERSONALIZE their attacks to me just because I said I didn't like Apriltello or something & they made their insults PERSONAL, to the point where I couldn't help but NOT ignore it. I already suffer from Anxiety and Depression & EXTREMELY low self esteem to the point where I second guess my talents. From my art to my appearance to even questioning why I still exist. If I should even STILL exist.. At that point in 2021 when I deactivated Baxterstockmanismyson I had already been going through enough stressful situations in my life, worrying about a ton of real life personal stresses in my life. And the unnecessary bullying from the fandom consisting of grown ass adults mind you was the last thing I needed. I had actually received yet another hateful message in my askbox because of one of my hot takes the day before I deactivated & it honestly fucked me up majorly so it was the last straw. I deactivated & I overall QUIT & Left the fandom entirely ever since, I just didn't see the point in staying anymore when there's little to zero good memories in it.

I would be lying if I didn't say I did miss some aspects. The one thing I missed the most being Baxter himself. Any version of him. Especially considering he's actually the entire reason I even got into TMNT in the first place (but a story for another time). He's beyond my favorite character, he's my comfort one, my boy ever since I was 12. Then Mutant Mayhem was announced along with the fact that Baxter was in it (& played by FUCKING Giancarlo Esposito) my interest was peaked to say the least. Especially after I found out he looked like this

I'd even say it was honestly the only reason why I saw the movie (even if he was only in it for 4 minutes) which I admit even outside of Baxter, I did end up enjoying it. It was also nice to talk about tmnt again to my Girlfriend & a once mutual friend at the time. Just making it our own personal bubble having zero contact with the fans, especially as I saw literally NOTHING changed just by people's reactions to Mutant Mayhem April smfh. So I assumed it was the right choice.

Another year went by. Things are different once again, that mutual friend I mentioned earlier is...no longer our friend.. and it was back to radio silence in terms of anything turtle related. I had started collecting figures at this point in time & with the release of Human 1987 Baxter & Mirage on the way, I figured it wouldn't hurt to FINALLY add Baxter to my shelf like I always wanted to years ago. Even finally start making custom figures for him that don't exist & it was a fun, exhausting but also therapeutic experience in a way. Especially getting the chance to finally look back at the mad scientist all the way from day one. From schulpting, to talking about him & even looking up other perspectives on him. Even if it was mostly misconceptions like always when it comes to him. And it got to the point where I wanted to let out an outlet to just really let out Stockman talk & facts about the guy that no one knew or already did but with a story behind it. Even taking inspiration from AskSpideypool's @ sciderman & their blog being the most dedicated blog to really get & understand Wade Wilson & Peter Parker with pages worth of history to back up the knowledge. It's honestly how I feel with Baxter Stockman if I'm being legit with you. So about maybe 3 months later or so, I decided to create this new blog, a new start. A blog to just really share & show all I know about Baxter & even find other people that feel the same way. Just a little Baxter bubble that I can have & feel safe in. It's also why you noticed I haven't shared NON Baxter stuff on here yet. To put it short. I'm not really back in the TMNT fandom. Sure I'll post about Baxter Stockman. But that's the ONLY thing I'll go as far as posting. I wasn't too far off when I said I only watched MM for Stockman & the fact that the fandom hasn't changed their ways based on MM April's reception.

I want absolutely nothing to do with the fandom's drama or possible drama the second I step into current TMNT events & I share my thoughts on them even if I had thoughts anyway, I honestly don't really care anymore aside from Baxter.

To sum it up: Unless it involves Baxter, I genuinely don't give a shit. So a heads up if I'm ever asked about something non Stock related like my thoughts on this video game or this ship ect I'm gonna ignore it. I just don't have the mental strength for the drama anymore. And it's not like the fandom itself even cares about Baxter let alone care enough to get mad over a hot take about him which I've yet to see (aside from some 30/40 something year old idiots on Instagram & Twitter that genuinely believed he was always a white guy & him being black is new) so I feel safe in my Stockbubble.

Anyway, hope that clears things up. Both why I left & how this new blog works.

[ca-suffit]

Rolin Jones saying he made the show for neilcfreak doesn't absolve her of her racism and general unpleasantness. It proves two things. That Rolin doesn't know anything about fandom and if he does doesn't care. And two that even the most wretched white people get good things. They get to slip into spaces they shouldn't even after being terrible while Black people who are more deserving don't.

Also let's not kid ourselves. Rolin makes this show for Lestat and the huge boner he has for Lestat. When he found out AMC had bought the books he begged to be put on the project and had his own production company come up with a brief to present to AMC.

He's said repeatedly that he can't wait to do the Lestat season and that he enjoys writing Lestat. By the way I have no problem with him loving Lestat because that hasn't stood in the way of Season 1 being as good as it is.

I'm just saying he didn't know Gorrei before he spent money to pitch the show. So let's take that with a grain of salt.

I'm p sure Rolin says a lot that he doesn't read stuff online. he's also a white guy in his 50s with a long history of working in television. it's ttly different worlds. I don't expect him to know shit lol.

but ya that's the point ppl don't want u to focus on. ppl want u to think if I was nicer then we'd all sit down and solve racism in an hour and I could stop being so "jealous" and "have fun" too. lol but that's not real. all of this happening isn't v surprising because this is already what's been happening and will continue to happen. the white fandom ppl the show seeks out or who buy access to these spaces aren't more deserving or smarter (def not that lol) they're just white. anne rice was also just white. if she'd been anything else she'd have lost her job instantly for opening her mouth the way she did.

this is why white ppl need to be the ones saying things more because a lot of white fandom bs relies on white ignorance and appealing to white emotions. rn white fandom here isn't even mostly white ppl anymore and that's made it worse tbh. cuz they rely on usually showmey0urfangs or maybe keybearer to shout down at ppl how they're black and won't be spoken over.....while literally they have no community with the black fandom here anymore at all lol. neither one of them is american either btw. there's not a single well known black american fan here despite that being the main character of the show rn and plenty of fans fitting that description. if neilcfreak wanted to scream so loudly about "I'm (white) jewish so understand the struggle" when talking about racism then where tf is her solidarity for speaking on racist shit lol. couldn't possibly be that was only a way for her to avoid apologizing for saying racist shit? never....

white fandom only cares about protecting its own and having a specific identity only when it can be weaponized to avoid accountability. that's all anne rice did too. arguing with ppl and being a constant victim is a basic manipulation technique meant to exhaust the other side and "win" without needing to provide any real argument. these ppl can't talk about the themes of anything with any depth so u'll notice even when talking about the books, it's always broad mentions of "dark themes" without discussing them ever. they're only smart to themselves and that's why they're in my asks screaming I'm jealous of them. u can see how maven and them talk how superior they feel for this despite the majority of the fandom knowing they're stupid. ur just white, that's the end of it. u have never proven ur deserving of anything and I already know that's how the world works so lol. scream it at me as much as u want but it doesn't make it more true. ur just white and whiteness gets rewarded when u also promote white fandom shit. this group works together to promote each other for this reason but it's still usually only the white ppl getting the full benefits. ur bland af catering to the widest appeal possible. ur challenging nothing but needing to get in my asks to show off about it because ur so angry I'm not kissing ur asses lol. the lestat parallels never end I stg.

the one thing I think white fandom isn't prepared for tho is that maybe the Rolin's lestat won't be the version they expect him to be either lol. if ur familiar with stuff Rolin does I don't think he's gonna be what they want and that's gonna be so funny.

[mayasdeluca]

So I know the S19 cast are really going through it and it must be tough knowing the show could potentially be over forever. But c'mon they're not helping any by not even trying to give fans BTS. At least something!? I'm not being insensitive here but it's kinda ridiculous that there's absolutely nothing from anyone.

Stefania tried in the beginning but then stopped immediately after the announcement.

Jaina tried abit but tbh the Marina Fandom can sometimes be abit mean to her. Which is insane cos she seems like such an awesome person and her podcast is super funny and entertaining.

Danielle isn't doing anything. Idk she seems over everything. Perhaps she doesn't want to carry the load of promoting the show anymore. She really only posts stuff about her and Kevin and her besties kid. So that ship has sailed awhile ago it seems.

Overall if ABC is not going to do much promoting and the cast isn't going to do any BTS and social media stuff... the Fandom will eventually get exhausted.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm living in an alternate universe to some people because....what???

What is with this revisionist history when it comes to Jaina and the Marina fandom with people...all of a sudden everyone is ready to defend her and love her as if things have changed....she has never been supportive of Marina and as soon as they got popular she stopped acknowledging them completely. She clearly has her issues with Danielle (which makes it even more confusing that these so called Danielle fans are suddenly all about Jaina), only acknowledges Stefania when it's convenient for her, barely interacts with fans or promotes the show she's a lead on, has yet to acknowledge that said fans are trying to save the show that again, she's the lead on...I have truly never seen a lead act like she does and somehow she gets excused for it and it's all blamed on Marina fans when she's hardly been professional about things.

How are you going to say Danielle seems over everything? She was literally in tears at the convention just a month ago when it was brought up that the show could be ending. She was the first to speak publicly like that about fighting to save the show. She actually does not post Kevin and hasn't really posted him in months so I don't know where you're getting that from...it's not her fault that people in this fandom are creepers and find stuff from whatever they do over the holidays together and decide to post it.

[zbeez-outlet]

Hey Bee! Hope you're well!💖

I saw requests are open, so I thought I might jump in! I've been experiencing a lot of body aches (strong, random cramps) lately, so how about something with Levi taking care of his tired and achy s/o? 💕

Sending you lots of love!💞

— whattheheckmidoriya ♡

Soft End to a Hard Day

Levi x Reader

Established Relationship

Canon Universe

Concept: see request above!

Summary: Levi is nothing if not observant. He's not always the best with his words or the most graceful with his actions, but he watches. He sees. And, as much as you try to hide it, try to work through it silently, he sees you in pain. Grimacing, hunched in a way your normally prim posture would never allow, deeply exhausted. It's unacceptable.

Warnings: descriptions of body aches, non-sexual nudity (I wrote this with a female reader in mind, but there isn't any language that actually indicates female anatomy or gender identity) (If I missed anything, please let me know)

A/N: Sorry this took a little while to get to, but I love the prompt! I've been having some bad cramps too, I hope you're feeling better @whattheheckmidoriya and you enjoy this piece. My asks are open if you want to send in a request or any questions or comments! I'm planning to take a short break from writing Levi for awhile as much as I love him because I want to explore some different content and I still have so many requests to go through for him. Check out my submission guidelines to see what other fandoms I write for. If you don't see one on that list, message me about a fandom you're more interested in and if I'm familiar with it then we can work something out! Thanks for reading!

Levi used to have to knock before entering your office. Out of respect, propriety, professionalism, he had to knock.

Before he took the time to know you through late night debates about tea and politics and cleaning techniques, he had to knock. Before a dinner spent under the stars and the first kiss of his life, he had to knock. Before he knew what it meant to love someone with a weather-beaten heart, Levi had to knock.

He doesn't have to knock anymore.

The hinges on your door are well-oiled and smooth as he nudges the heavy wood with his hip, a tray of tea balanced steadfastly in his hands. You've always been amusingly peculiar about door hinges, once ranting to him for nearly an hour about the grating sound of squeaking metal. It's a small chore added to his list of dozens, oiling the hinges on your door, but he hardly minds. Not when something so simple, so easy to fix, can brighten your smile.

He finds you slumped at your desk, shoulders curving uncomfortably inward as you grumble through a grueling stack of paperwork, not even looking up at him when the tray taps down on the table. Levi sighs, knowing these days, knowing the protective bend of your spine and the gentle shake in your locked fingers as you write. The pain must be bad today.

"You skipped dinner again," Levi grumbles through the clinking of porcelain cups.

You prefer your tea sweeter than his own, one of the many debates that left him both amused and frustrated just before dawn at the beginning of your relationship. Busying his hands with the sugar, he chances a glance at your wilted form, hiding a dissatisfied frown behind his teeth.

Shoulders somehow hunching even further as you seem to curl into yourself on the chair, you barely murmur a half-hearted apology as you pull another blank form in front of you. "Didn't mean to, next time," you promise, but Levi knows you, he sees you, and that promise means little in the face of your furrowed brow and scrunched nose, tears building in your eyes.

Sighing again, Levi rounds your desk to stand by your side, reaching forward to run his fingers through your hair. "When did it start?" He keeps his voice low, as soothing as he can manage while you lean into the gentle caress of his hand.

"Since I woke up this morning." You seem ashamed, face pressing into his stomach as if you want to hide from him. His heart aches at the notion. "It wasn't bad, I thought...I don't know, I thought it'd pass I guess, I wanted it to, but..." you trail, air stuttering through an attempted deep breath. "It never does."

"How bad?"

The choked sob that leaves you shaking in his arms is answer enough. Levi's jaw clenches, wishing he could take this pain for you, wishing he could fix it as easily as the squeaky door hinges. He kneels beside you, cradling your head against the curve of his neck and wrapping his other arm around your trembling shoulders, and he waits. He holds you through the chest cracking sobs, through your mumbled whimpers, through your strength creaking under the weight of a long day. Your jobs don't allow for much reprieve, you both know that, and having body aches - no matter how crippling they may be - cannot get in the way of your responsibilities for the day. With lives on the line, you just can't take that needed time for yourself.

But the day is over, he muses, eyeing the darkened windows and scattering of candles around the room. Reluctantly, he pulls back from your embrace. His palms move up to your cheeks, warm and strong and holding you together the best he can. Your skin shines with tears and pain, eyes red in the glow from the nearest candle. Exhaustion weighs down your eyelids.

"Drink the tea, you need something warm in your stomach. I'll get the bath ready." He presses his lips to your forehead, hoping you can feel his love and patience and devotion through the simple action. He doesn't move until you give him an affirming nod, and he doesn't make his way to the adjoining bathroom until he sees you take your first sip, that familiar contented sigh spurring him on.

He stops at your linen closet to grab towels and some loose pajamas for the night before making his way into the bathroom. Drawing the bath barely takes five minutes, the majority of that time spent picking the right bath salts to hopefully soothe your muscles and aches. It's steaming by the time he's done, the glass of the mirror fogged up, calming soft floral scents puffing into the air.

You're already standing in the doorway when he turns to get you, a sad attempt at a smile pulling at your lips, tears brimming in your eyes. Levi opens his arms, practically catching you when you fall into his waiting embrace. He gives you a few warm silent moments in his arms before gently coaxing you towards the tub.

"Do you want me to stay?"

It's not always a given that you want his help through these aches. Sometimes you're embarrassed - though he never quite understood why when this was all out of your control. Sometimes you worry too much about how the aches make you treat him, sentences short and aggressive only in the way pain pulses in your words. Levi has never blamed you for a second of it, especially not with his own shortcomings in tone and aggression, but he always wants you to know that you have the choice. That you don't have to go through these days alone, not anymore.

"Please," bubbles pitifully from between your lips.

Levi softens the sharp edges of his face as much as he can, stepping forward to help you out of your clothes. Tossing the discarded fabric in the hamper you placed in the corner of the bathroom, he keeps one hand steady at the small of your back and the other bracing your elbow as he helps you lower into the heated water. You groan when you sit, some baffling combination of relief and pain as you try to settle in the steam. Levi encourages you to lean back against the edge of the tub, rolling up his sleeves and reaching for the basket of luxury soaps you usually keep under the sink for special occasions.

"Do you want your hair washed?" You shake your head, eyes closing as you sink further into the comfort of the warm water. Levi quickly ties up your hair to keep it from getting wet - loose so you don't get a headache - because if you're not washing it, why bother with the lengthy drying process afterward? "Tell me if you want me to stop, if anything hurts to much or you're just uncomfortable, okay?" He doesn't move until you nod.

He snags your favorite scented body soap and lathers his hands in it. Levi starts with your feet, digging his thumbs into your aching arches and kneading the calluses on your heels. Your ankles are sharp against his palms and as he moves up your calves with firm but gentles strokes of his hands, you sigh contentedly at the head of the bath. He lathers his hands again after kneading at the tense muscles in your thighs, meeting your eyes again to check on how you're feeling, only continuing when you give him that ever important nod.

Intimacy in nearly any capacity was foreign territory for Levi before this relationship, something so unfamiliar and daunting that haunted him in many ways. But for you, he learned. For you, he ventured into that foreign territory. For you, he made a home there. Touching like this is now as easy and as welcoming as breathing.

Levi is extra gentle as he massages your hips, pelvis, and lower back where he knows most of the pain is localized. You grimace a few times, and every time he asks if you want him to stop, if it's too much, but you always assure him that it's okay, that it's helping even if it's hurting a little bit too. He makes his way up the bend of your spine, rubbing away the thick knots he finds between your shoulder blades and curving his thumbs up the slope of your neck. Each arm takes the longest because he uses so much care and attention on both of your hands and wrists, pressing into your palms and firmly caressing every knuckle.

You sigh when he announces he's done, standing up with his help when the water is verging on just a tad too cold for comfort. Carefully, he guides you from the tub so you don't slip and grabs one of the towels he left on the vanity. Levi dries you off rather quickly, one hand steady on your back to keep you balanced throughout the process.

"Sit here." He motions to the lid of the toilet, returning your little amused huff with an equally amused roll of his eyes. "Just do it, brat," he teases between his teeth, grabbing for the jar of lotion he bought for you ages ago from an apothecary in town. The older woman running the shop had assured him the cream would relax muscle pains, and while it probably wouldn't do much for the cramping in your abdomen, it would curb the sharpness of the rest of your aches.

Levi repeats the same motions he did in the bath with the lotion, reveling in the softness of your skin, every dip and curve and bend in your body. He feels blessed, which isn't a word he'd ever say aloud, but he can't find a better one. Blessed you trust him with your body, with your pains. Blessed to see your vulnerabilities, your beauty, the parts of you that no one else could see. Blessed to learn about love from you, through you, for you.

He wishes with every beat of his heart he could take this pain from you, but at the same time...Levi treasures these moments. Sometimes it makes him feel guilty, for how could he treasure something that can leave you breathless and teary-eyed from the hurt of it all? But he knows, and you know, it's not those aching grimaces he treasures, but the contented sighs and softening smiles as he massages your joints and kisses your cheeks.

When he's finished massaging you for the second time, Levi helps you into the loose pajamas he grabbed, just some soft cotton shorts and an oversized shirt that may have been his at one point. He strips down to his briefs, always a bit on the warmer side, and together you slip under the covers of your bed.

Levi has always liked your bed better than his own, which is probably why most of your shared nights are spent there. Somehow your mattress is just a tad bit softer, and you splurged on some less itchy sheets and blankets than the ones provided by the military. Plus, it smells overwhelmingly of you, and he privately relishes in being surrounded by your scent.

Your back is pressed to his chest, and he lets you guide his warm hands down to the dip of your abdomen. He gets the hint and ever so gently rubs at the aches he knows have built up under your skin and deep in your gut. You curl up against him, and he gladly wraps himself around you.

"Thank you." Levi feels the words more than hears them as they puff along his arm, the butterfly touch of your lips following soon after. "I love you."

He closes his eyes, soaking in the weight and wonder of those three little words. "I love you too, always," he whispers reverently against your hair, arms tightening around you as if you'll disappear. "Get some sleep."

[jakeperalta]

it’s kinda nice to know that I’m not the only one who doesn’t enjoy this fandom as much anymore…like I obviously still love taylor and my mutuals and stuff but it’s just so exhausting to see people talk about her private life non stop when I just don’t care about it beyond the fact that I want her to be happy

I also realised recently that I no basically nothing of the private lives of any of my other favourite artists and I honestly prefer it that way because it allows me to just focus on the music and nothing else

I'm glad it's not just me too, I don't want to be the downer of the group or anything (and I hope most people are still having lots of fun with it all!) but I just feel like sometimes scrolling through my dash recently can leave me feeling a bit irritated or fed up and it's almost always the swiftie stuff causing it, which isn't the fault of anyone in particular it's just making me realise I want to take a bit of a step back for a while I guess

I'm the same where all the other celebrities I like I essentially only know what they post on instagram and that's just a more chill way to be invested

[evergreenstringbean]

Fanfiction Masterlist- evergreenstringbean

Please read AO3 tags prior to reading! Some of these are old. Some of these were written for tumblr challenges. Sue me if they're cringe now.

Blue text will detail crossover fanfictions, but are included in both fandom lists. Green will signify oneshots, purple will signify multi-chaptered works. All are completed.

Bandstand

Keeping The Ghosts Away (Nick Radel/Wayne Wright): It happens every night at the same exact time. Wayne doesn't know that Nick isn't asleep this time.

Water and Smoke (Jimmy Campbell/Johnny Simpson): They all want to go on a beach vacation. Jimmy knows he can't handle it, but agrees.

Pets Are The Best Medicine (Nick Radel/Wayne Wright): Nick wants a dog. Wayne, of course, doesn't. Nick, of course, doesn't listen.

Thoughts (Jimmy Campbell/Nick Radel): Jimmy doesn't know why his thoughts seem to never listen to him.

Parallels (Jimmy Campbell & Julia Trojan): Julia can't face the band after Donny tells her what happened to Michael. Jimmy comes to visit her.

Once Upon A Time (Jimmy Campbell/Aaron Miller): Jimmy's so grateful to have Aaron in his life.

Forward (Jimmy Campbell/Johnny Simpson): Jimmy can't move on. But he can more forward.

Palliative (Character Study- No Ship): Palliative Coping: Making the situation more tolerable or keeping it under control without directly taking care of the problem.

Something in Return (Jimmy Campbell/Angelo Maggio): The band is exhausted after a nationwide tour. Jimmy most of all. A night at the Blue Wisp sounds like a good idea to relax. Turns out Jo has hired someone new.

Another Language (Jimmy Campbell/Angelo Maggio): Impromptu duets lead to interesting thoughts as Jimmy learns more about the new employee of The Blue Wisp. Continuation of "Something in Return".

The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals

Here It's Safe and Sound (Ted Spankoffski/Henry Hidgens): Henry doesn't mind the silence anymore, but he really needs a break from it.

Still The Dance Goes On (Ted Spankoffski/Henry Hidgens): Showtunes help Henry with whatever emotion he feels.

Everything's Perfect/Nothing's Real (Ted Spankoffski/Henry Hidgens): Henry theorized this exact scenario thirty years ago. But what if it wasn't simply a theory?

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Which Direction is the Right Direction? (Peter Parker & Tony Stark): It's been one month and Peter gets a call in the middle of class. "He'd tried putting it into his computer, that hadn't worked at all. He'd tried looking through old archives that Pepper had allowed him to scan, nothing. He even tried asking Karen, hoping perhaps the man had sent something about it to him without him knowing. Nope. So, it looked like he was stuck with a million questions and no right answers."

The Postcards Protocol (Peter Parker & Tony Stark): Peter finds out about the Postcards Protocol, and wonders why it's called that.

Prisoner of My Past (Peter Parker & Tony Stark): Peter's finally figured it out, with help from Tony. Sequel to "The Postcards Protocol"

IT (Movies)

some time can bring perspective that we need (Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier): "The moment he made it to the surface, he was booking it out of the house and made no effort to stop. When panic set in with Eddie Kaspbrak, it failed to stop until he was absolutely sure he was out of danger. He was blocks away from Neibolt before he was able to stop for breath, and he was almost regretting tossing his inhaler into the fire while his lungs burned from the exercise. His heart was pounding in his chest, and his mind was swirling with questions he didn’t know the answers to." In which Eddie Kaspbrak gets the ending he deserves.

To Start Over...Somehow (Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris): Most of the things he’ll think about are simple. What his plans are for the days ahead, new ideas for material that he’s now, finally, writing on his own…and how the world is one cruel, fucked up place. / or / Richie is learning to cope alone.

letting go of what might have been (Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris): Richie's got it all under control...but sometimes he doesn't / or / Richie's still coping.

words we leave unspoken (Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier): Richie "Trashmouth" Tozier has 1500 words left to live. He has more than 1500 words left to say.

From Here to Eternity (Musical)

Something in Return (Jimmy Campbell/Angelo Maggio): The band is exhausted after a nationwide tour. Jimmy most of all. A night at the Blue Wisp sounds like a good idea to relax. Turns out Jo has hired someone new.

Another Language (Jimmy Campbell/Angelo Maggio): Impromptu duets lead to interesting thoughts as Jimmy learns more about the new employee of The Blue Wisp. Continuation of "Something in Return".

Sanders Sides

If I Didn't Believe in You (Roman/Logan): Roman doesn't want to go to another party. Logan knows what's really happening.

There Was Janus (Roman/Logan): Roman and Logan get to know each other after working in the same touring production for the last month, when Logan asks how Roman got into acting.

Must Be a Dream (Character Study- No Ship): Logan's alone, but not completely. An imagining of post-WTIT after Logan sinks out of the living room.

Roundabout (Virgil/Roman, Logan/Patton): Virgil's got a new job as a school secretary, a vast change from his old life. He quickly befriends a few fellow faculty members, including one happy-go-lucky drama teacher. As the year goes on, and Virgil begins to form stronger bonds, his reluctance to revisit parts of his past may begin to put a strain on the relationships he holds dear.

When You Smile (Remy/Emile): Remy just wanted to grab a quick coffee. He didn't anticipate the cute stranger dancing in line. Part of the "Roundabout" canon.

Borderline (Established Roman/Virgil & Logan/Patton, Janus/Remus): Following the unexpected death of their mother, Roman and Remus are tasked with cleaning out their parents' attic. Old photos bring up old memories, old trinkets bring up old feelings, but a stack of letters may begin to distort the thoughts of their childhood, or bring their thoughts of it to new light. A world continuation of Roundabout.

The Old Guard

When The Sun Lights The Room (Joe/Nicky): “We should do something today. We could pick up some flowers at a shop this evening,” Joe offers to his love, squeezing his hand in an absent check-in to make sure the man is in fact mentally there as he’d claimed to be. A matching squeeze confirms so and he takes a deep breath. “He should be here.” Thirty years ago, Joe and Nicky lost their son. The "finality" of death still gives them whiplash at the tricks it plays.

Always Starting Over (Joe/Nicky): Nicolo di Genova has lived many different lives. He's fought many wars, saved many lives, and donned many names. But everything's over, and he's too cold. In which Joe loses his immortality and Nicky struggles to cope.

Stand By Me

Think of Me Fondly (Chris Chambers & Gordie LaChance): Gordie LaChance was twelve going on thirteen the first time he saw a dead human being. Gordon LaChance was thirty-eight going on thirty-nine when the newspaper headline knocked the wind out of him.

M*A*S*H

this is life, with the heartache it brings (B.J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce): It starts with an average day. It ends with nothing being the same. Or, if the American Songbook's "Tribute to the Troops" broadcast took place in 1952 and landed on the ears of the 4077th

Good Omens

I hope you blink before I do (Crowley/Aziraphale): Crowley, after a Hell of a time, sleeps.

Spies Are Forever

All's Fair in Love and Death (Agent Curt Mega/Owen Carvour): Following the final death of Owen Carvour, Agent Curt Mega is thrust into a mission that seems simple at first glance. Retrieve a fellow agent from a completed undercover mission. However, there are a few caveats. For one, the "fellow agent" is a Slozhno. For two, Curt is meant to retrieve the agent in 2016. With the mix of following his mission, learning all about Tatiana's son, and grappling an entirely new world, Curt must leave every stipulation of his real present life behind to protect a potential future at stake.

Detroit: Become Human

So Goes the Roll of the Dice (RK900/Gavin Reed): Gavin Reed and RK900- known as Nines- are ready to move in together, for "convenience" or whatever they claim. What looks to be the ending of a long investigation results in Gavin re-examining the ghosts of his pasts, and the android of his potential future.

[userzekiel]

title: things that you can't say tomorrow day.

fandom: saltburn.

pairing: oliver quick/felix catton.

rating: mature.

wordcount: 698.

summary: bodily fluids and religious delusions: an oliver quick story.

triggers: bodily fluids, unsanitary, religious delusions, drug comparisons, blood, brief cannibalism mention.

ao3 link.

it never was about sex. i know that everyone thought i was in love with him — the giggling behind my back, the scoffs, the clicking of jealous tongues. love can be formed purely, but they didn't understand that, did they? no. fucking, fucking, fucking. university was made up of it, stained sheets wrapped around people as a badge of who was cool, who was down to have fun. used condoms in a row, they led them into the pits of what a body can give... and take away. it was never about the sex — it was about... love, and by god, i had it. i had it coursing through me in this vile, fiery, beautiful, hateful way. i ran on it, soaked into my skin, my pulse, my lungs expanding. 

every sigh i spent, on my back, felix on top of me — i let him have what he wanted, but i was the one who brought him to his knees. it's control, you know? letting someone slip inside of you as if they own you, as if every rut of their hips claims your innards like newlyweds crossing the threshold. he kissed up my neck, mouthing at my ear and panting filth. his hands had my waist, pulling me forward. yes, control. when you're sexually involved with someone, who has the power? the one thrusting as if they can't get enough, or the owner of what sweetness they're chasing? when he'd spill in me, god — divine and so full of monstrous energy. his eyelids would flutter as his hips jerked, my name choked in his throat and his fingers curled into my back. he couldn't stop, and there came one, two, three — every pulse of him shattered his sense of self-worth. if i were to compare sex to a drug — oh, that's it, isn't it? it's not cocaine, it's not anything to do with speed or the heart pounding. it's heroin. lulled, slow. a sense of security in the vulnerability of being so desperate for pleasure that leaves you weak but gloriously exhausted. 

i wasn't in love with him. i hated him. i thought he was pathetic in his beauty, the affliction of being one so adored. i would let him sleep, his tired body and limp limbs dipped into the mattress without strength. he spent it on me. i'd stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom, feeling it leak from me. i sucked the tip of my fingers after dipping them into it, spunk-coated — and i'd close my eyes. i'd picture him pulling out of annabelle, i'd imagine him wasting it on her stomach, her breasts. not me. he allowed himself to fill me every single time, the smell of it tempting and teasing the edges of my senses. i could feel its saltiness wash over my molars, my tongue flicked upward to roll it back against the roof of my mouth. inside of me. an acceptable form of cannibalism — a way to devour without shedding precious blood.

felix catton. the taste of him savored like the fine things he grew up on. swallowing, my eyes opened. i didn't want it gone. i didn't want to wipe it away. i didn't want to erase his trust, his need, his dependency. if felix catton was a god, loved by all he touches, then that means i was his priest. you know what that means, don't you? priests pretend to give all of the glory to god, their existence to serve. at god's feet, kissing away the dirt, promising nothing but love and endless affection. in their hearts, though, we all know it isn't as simple. why should he be worshiped? why should he be fawned over and given a crown of his selfish thorns? have you ever been fucked by god? he doesn't last long. he takes what he wants and he leaves you filled with his radiant, thick, fuck-sick until you can't take it anymore. creation, death, and everything in between in that seed, as if it were the most important thing you could do.

i sucked the remnants of felix's come from my thumb, then exited the bathroom. i wondered if god needed more.

[skelebab]

🦟 Hi! I reblog alot of posts and make art, silly lil rants, and occasionally fanfics :)

Feel free to tag me in things and send asks and requests! (i don't make anything nsfw, proship, etc. and I will block you if you ask me to)

Currently working on:

- nothing atm (requests welcome!)

Some fandoms I'm into:

-luca

-dhmis

-mml/pnf

-community

-undertale

-tmnt (2012 and 2018 mostly)

-mp100

-rotg

-atla

-sonic

-batfam

And more! So you can expect a variety depending on what I'm currently hyperfixating on :)

Tags, side blogs, and moots below cut

Specific tags (I'll put them on this post so they're easier to find):

- art (my art stuff, I know I have some art that isn't properly tagged, but that stuff has been lost to time at this point)

- my writing (it's my writing, obv)

- my silly creature (my animal persona)

- playlist (any playlists or music I decide to share)

- goodnight everybody (I put this on posts when I'm planning on going to bed, I'm normally exhausted when I add it so the posts can be a lil silly)

Side blogs:

@smudged-kaleidoscope (my account for personal stuff or random thoughts so they don't clog this one up anymore)

@antoniturtle (my rottmnt oc :D)

@mutant-teenage-turtle-ninjas (my tmnt version)

@mob-pirate-au (my mp100 au, nothing is really there yet, but there will be when my mob obsession comes back, I have a lot planned for it)

@tlrrottmntau (my future Mikey rottmnt au, yes I have 3 tmnt side blogs. Cry about it <3)

Fandom-related tags (also on this post)

- rottmnt human designs (exactly what it says, my rise human designs)

- spider troy (should technically be spider-troy but whatever, Troy Barnes from community as Spider-Man)

- time loop twins (my rottmnt time loop thingy)

- spray paint and stickers (my shellshocked au)

- skele sep au (my rottmnt sep au)

Super epic gamer mutuals for whom I would fight a thousand foes 💞💞💞

@roboobin

@gerawrd-xd

@obsidian-order-of-course

@kennethplus

@marsupialmode

@doppel-dean-er

@zenashisntgaming

@meowsogynist

@gayestclarinet

If we're moots and u wanna be added to this list just interact with this post :)

[ben-the-hyena]

Now that I am back in the Haunted Mansion fandom with fresher set of mind and headcanons, here is finally a good non exhaustive HC info dump for my favorite character the Hatbox Ghost himself for new stuff I've made up or never told before in the tag !

I've been hesitating but in the end I've been influenced by @it-be-sid and accepted it : Hattie is autistic. It fits my take on him of hyperfixating on specific things (my old silly headcanon he is a huge fan of TLK Scar, and canon that he collects hatboxes and is passionate about it) and being great at them, of being an introverted asocial grump who avoids the ballroom and graveyard party because it makes him uncomfortable and requires efforts from him and is more at ease woth the brides in the calm attic, has a hard time making friends and Emily is his big exception and why he has been single and alone for decades prior, hates change and has a hard time adapting to new things and prefers how it was back in his day, and why he enjoys being a scary ghost so much since it allows him to not interact with society anymore and just boo them away. IT ALL MAKES SENSE WHY DIDN'T I EVER THINK OF IT OR ACCEPT IT EARLIER !?

He needs the tiniest spectacles to read, which makes him look nerdy to some and cute to others

As you guys know I HC his name is Randall Pace, from the SLG comics (just the name, not the mentality or origin story though) and that he and most recognizable characters died in 1877 (I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CURRENT CANON SAYS LORE CHANGES ALL THE TIME IN THAT FRANCHISE). He was born in Khansas countryside in 1820. His parents were not dirt poor but they certainly struggled, but were loving and supportive to him and each other, and worked hard at the grocery store to make sure he would have a good life despite his disability (born limping needing a cane and hunchbacked) and could afford his training in hat making which he had found himself to be loving quite early often fixing his parents' hats with glee. Either from the hard work or how life wasn't easy in general, it isn't certain, they died when he was a young man. Grieving and recently new hatter, he didn't feel like staying but starting a whole new life in Louisiana (gonna accept the Mansion is around New Orleans since it's recurring in a lot of canons) far away to make sure they didn't die for nothing and that he would make them proud starting from 0 with his knowledge, his qualification and all the money left

Force of hardworking mixed in with smart working not to die of exhaustion like they did, he little by little became a renowed hatter at the one shop he started at for how efficiently and quickly he fixed hats and quickly learned to make pretty designs popular with ladies. And keeping up with fashion always helped. He was a brilliant employee who workef assiduously and saved a lot until he could open his own business, Pace & Co. He worked alone for a while until he finally could afford himself some employees and teach them how to do it. Good with money anf quality business, by the time he was in his 50's it took him long enough but he had made himself a great fortune. But a mysterious one not very popular among the elited since he never attended society parties lol

He never approved the slavery existing in the south, his humble family having worked and known POC neighbors and treating each other as equals. He always glared with intense disgust at slave owners when they still existed and made them pay much more than needee, and was very glad the war was lost where he was. In fact one of his first employee was a free young black man he had hired, taught and paid very well after he had been freed. When Hattie got married, he was his right wing man and when he died suddenly the very same night, Pace and Co went to him since there was no other heir to the company but him. It still exists to tgis day with a new name (his name is Zeke Holloway. Yeah I know usually I am the first to be annoyed when a character is raceswapped since to me it is obviously unnecessary and to get brownie points BUT I see HM as the same logic as the superhero genre : a ton of continuities where everybody is different from one reality to another, heck the Beating Heart Bride is black in the 2003 movie and Japanese in Tokyo DL lore and Constance is black in the recent Muppets movie so why not !)

He never had been in love with anyone before Emily. Whom he met at age 55. Ever. She had been his first love and kiss just like he was to her. His autism/lack of need for socializing and love for being left alone mixed in with his dedication to his work and focus on his hobbies and passions with a touch of him not being attractive at all (not ugly per say, but... yeah, not attractive) not helped by his disformities, golden tooth and how he balded like all men in his family from his mid 30's didn't make him know anyone before. Not the time to meet, nor anyone into him making the first step anyway. He would be lying if he said back then he didn't feel regret as he got old he would never have a family or know that feeling, but had ended up accepted it and embracing his bachelor status, even rejecting offers from important families who saw profit if their daughters could be with that rich old man with a nice inheritance at key. He did intend to reject Miss Emily Gracey and was not interested at all and it was mutual, they agreed not to play along with her family who insisted for them to get to know each other so it should have stopped there. And yet, force of speaking and learning about each other during these forced meetings... you know how my headcanons go <3

Yes I also imply there he also was a 57 years old virgin and Emily wasn't the only one to pop her cherry that night when they couldn't hold themselves anymore after 2 years of courting and got jiggy the very night he proposed. It was very awkward for both of them, but they are so in love it remains a very pleasant memory for both. Ironically now he is dead he is less tired and feels no more back pain, now after 156 years of marriage he is VERY experimented and knows jist what shr loves so he rocks her world to the other brides' dismay. Or anyone passing by when it happens, really

As you know I have been drawing him and his wife with silvery wedding bands for years as an excuse/justificatiin about why we don't see them on their animatronics like it would if it were golden, him being grey and she being in the dark. Now I even made an origin : they were his parents'. They were not rich but like their son would later had a love marriage and had made sure to have the luxury to have silver rings, not gold but still precious. When they died, he took them with the intent to maybe use them one day if he were to find his half (not that he looked very much) and keep them as family heirlooms in the meantime for how much they symbolized their love and how much he shipped it. So when decades later he proposed to Emily and the wedding was being organized, he sweetly suggested her to use those with the story going behind them, for how much they meant to him and how it could make their marriage as strong as theirs was. Emily found it so romantic and sweet she accepted, and to this day their skeletons in their graves have them and themselves wear ghostly versions of them all the time

Ghosts don't need to eat or sleep obviously, they just do out of gluttony and sloth, comfort and rest, and recretional purpose. He is one of those who eat and drink the least (he already skipped meals when alive so imagine now), but he is a slut for gumbo, beignets and poboys. Gosh does he love Louisiana food. For it he is that clip with Homer in New Orleans. However he loves to sleep. He can cuddle with his wife that way, but also he just always loved to sleep. It helped as a mortal with his back pain, and even now he doesn't feel pain anymore it comforts him to do so

He had broken his tooth when falling from the ladder when clearing up shelves in his shop once. He wasn't that mad, he saw it as the opportunity to show off his well-earned wealth by making the new one out of gold

Indeed Hattie loves to look good, as a mortal he had multiple hats, attires and shoes for any occasion. An extravagance he had loved to afford ever since he got the money for it. The fact he died pantless in his most humble attire and cloak is a source of frustration if pointed out. Whenever he can leave his ghost gig for a moment he swaps for MUCH better ones

He still fixes hats and even makes new ones for any ghost who asks. For free now since ghost money isn't earned from work (I still have to figure out how), but his ego is flattered they still come to him even in death for that. He is now as scary as talented, Hell yeah. He also is a good fashion adviser for men and women alike when they want to wear something over their usual ghostly versions of the attires they died in

He and Emily did suffer for years to be childless, but he is in a way essentially the Little Blue Bride and the Corpse Bride's (who I remind are sisters and minors on my take) father figure, scolding them when needed and comforting them or giving the best advice he can

He calls Constance a hag or an old hag no matter how she is even younger than he is. It is to enrage her but also how he perceives her since she is his beloathed aunt in law who now lives in HIS attic since 2006. Ironically he calls nothing the Spinster Bride like that, as much as she freaks him out with his extravagant and extroverted she is he does respect and like her. Unlike Constance lol

He can't stand the Hitchhiking Ghosts. When he was banished for 46 years away from the Mansion but not the Graveyard for having accidentally killed Yale Gracey aka the last living Gracey he had to endure them as annoying grave neighbors who kept trying too much to socialize with him or troll him as a mean to "bond". Didn't work at all. Now he nearly hates them as much as his in laws

Being a Gracey by extension, being married to one, he is invited to the annual Gracey-only ballroom, he was even when he was still banished. Sure he came not to embarrass his wife nor cause a scandal, and during his banishment to have an excuse to be in for a night, but he sure is bored and hates being in the same room as Master Gracey (father in law), the Ghost Host (uncle in law) and Constance and be polite to them. It goes as far as them starting to passive aggressively insult and mock each other everytime

He has never been the same again after he watched The Lion King. He isn't a fan of a lot of modern things, but this one, and SCAR... he could make you 1 312932 pages essay to explain how he is a perfect Shakespearean villain in a perfect complex snd deep movie. It kind of bores everyone friends and wife included but at least he is happy, the latter thinks

He and Emily are the annoying TOO lovey dovey and sometimes TOO openly horny couple you would love in fiction but hate in real life, often dancing or being mushy or being super romantic both in gestures and in words. He adorzs her and still can't believe he was sure for years love wasn't for him, she enabled the romantic in him and he SPOILS her whenever he can. They have a new honeymoon in a luxury haunted place for every 5th anniversary and it will never stop. He'd die-die for her and it's mutual

He has managed to tame bats when he was bored during his banishment. He got attached and since then keeps having pet bats. He always call them Batty because he sucks at names. Batty 1, Batty 2, Batty 3... (yes it is based on that cute plush of him, canon)

He is scared of tornados. There were a lot in Khansas. Fortunately none in Louisiana so far, and he is dead already anyway, but he is quite paranoid about the fact it could come one day. One day. ONE DAY...

He also is very scared of the Phantom. I had already mentionned that during his banishment he once tried to find another haunted house and found Phantom Manor which would result in a "GET OUT" type of scenario. As soon as he realized he was very dangerous even to other ghosts as well as a psycho and a tyrant to all the other ghosts who intended to do the same to hil, the Phantom he until then saw as an elegant chap with a cool hat now gives him the same goosebumps the Wolf gives Puss in Boots whenever he thinks he is near. The fact he befriended Mélanie and became friend with her but couldn't help her out still haunts him with guilt

He is of a good nature and kind (as I said he is a great friend, helps with hats and fashion for free, is an amazing husband and was a good boss who hated racism), he is still very bombastic, dramatic, eloquent about anything he is passionate about at the moment (both negatively and positively), a sarcastic grump, the epitome of the meme with the guy who closes the widow to blog in the dark, a deadpan snarker as well as a show off who doesn't really know modesty and loves to habe his ego stroked whether be it by compliments or by being aknowledged as a scary haunt. Nouveau riche syndrome probably

When post-fanon time he and Emily finally gets to find out she had been pregnant the whole time as a ghost (she had died pregnant), and a spell allowed it to come to terms and their daughter Belle to be born, he has been a great father so hard. Sometimes strict, but usually very playful, proud, happy, conniving, silly... she makes him cry with joy often. He is so happy to finally get to experience parenthood with the love of his afterlifr after having craved for it for centuries thinking it would never happen. The light og his death, a miracle who makes the attic even more bearable

[1016anon]

Title: Outside of a Dream Author: 55anon Fandom: Bridgerton Pairing: Anthony Brigerton/Kate Sharma, Thomas Dorset/Kate Sharma Summary: Now I can let go of the tiny dream I carried with me all these years, through all the fights and all the tears.

Title from Push Stars song, fic inspired by and written to the same song. I am on a Push Stars kick.

"Anthony, don't you dare walk out that door."

"We are through Kate!"

"We can work through this, we can go to counseling--"

"There is nothing left to salvage," he snarled. "I am not fucking going to counseling"

"Love isn't easy, Anthony! Not all of us will have a fairy tale story like your parents--"

"Don't you dare bring my parents into this--"

"I love you."

"I don't."

Silence descended. He hadn't meant to say that.

"You don't love me anymore?" she whispered.

"I don't love you anymore," he ran his hand through his hair. "I thought I would love you for the rest of my life, but I don't, Kate."

He hadn't meant to say that; he would never fall out of love with her.

But this was too painful-- they never saw each other because of their jobs, when they saw each other, they were too exhausted, too stressed, too frustrated because they kept missing each other, they kept pouring time into their jobs and their families but not each other. Her father's cancer diagnosis and all the appointments, the treatments. Francesca's traumatic brain injury and all the therapy.

Both their mothers' unending question about grandchildren, pushing at them both.

The only thing they did was have sex or argue.

Missed dates, missed calls, missed texts. Missed birthdays, anniversaries, brunches, holidays.

Anthony's rampant jealousy because she was working closely with a male coworker on a project; Kate's habit of closing herself off to keep up appearances. His missteps and inadvertent disrespect of her culture; her insecurity around his family and friends. Her accusation that he didn't show up for her family events while he insisted she go to every ridiculous society event. His anger at her impatience with his schoolmates and their wives.

Family was important to them both. Their careers were important to them both. They were competitive, ambitious, loved each other like a raging fire and it seemed they had finally burned each other to ash.

"God, Kate. I was going to ask you to marry me. I have the bloody ring in my office."

She looked at him with those eyes which always saw right through him. He fell in love with her because she saw him.

"You don't even want to try."

"What's the point, Kate? All we do is fuck or fight, and I can't do this anymore."

"I can't do this anymore either, but I thought you'd be willing to fight for us, instead of giving up."

"I have been trying. That's all I've been doing, is trying, and it's never enough for you. For anyone-- you, my mother, my father, my siblings, my friends. My office."

"We've both been trying, Anthony. We just need a little help."

"Because you've been so good at keeping your appointments."

"You are just as bad--"

"You said you would be there for Hyacinth's birthday!"

"You said you would be there for Edwina's award ceremony!"

"It's not the same, your sister is an adult and Hyacinth is--"

"Here we go again, your family is always more important than mine, your siblings deserve more time than mine, your holidays and ski trips and flights to the Virgin Islands--"

"Thank you for proving my point, Miss Sharma."

Her eyes hardened.

"Fine."

"What?"

"I said fine. You can go. We're done."

"So you admit I'm right," he said meanly.

"No. But you don't want to be here and," she inhaled shakily, before regaining her composure, "you don't love me anymore. You're not willing to go to counseling--"

"Because it's pointless--"

"Because you don't even want to try, so go."

He took the key to their apartment off his ring and threw it on the coffee table.

"Keep the flat."

"I'm not packing your things for you."

"I barely have anything here. When was the last time we slept in the same fucking bed, Kate."

He headed to the door.

"Anthony."

He turned.

"What."

"No second chance."

"At least we finally see eye to eye on something," he sneered.

Just to make a point, because he was furious, because he didn't understand how they got here, because he recognized the signs of a panic attack, he refused to do something as undignified as slam the door.

When Anthony got into his car, he drove to Aubrey Hall.

No one was there, it was near midnight. He meant to get out of the car and walk to his favorite spot in the woods, realized he needed a flashlight if he wanted to navigate the darkness. Anthony popped open his glovebox and the goddamn ring was there.

He broke down sobbing.

--

The news spread among the Bridgertons and Sharmas. The families had never gotten very close, but they considered each other friendly acquaintances. Kate and Anthony had been dating for two years and everyone had known they had discussed marriage. It seemed like a done deal.

They always looked so in love.

But that was the way it was in their families, wasn't it? No one looked closely enough to notice the cracks until it was too late.

Before any reconciliation could be attempted, Kate took up an opportunity to transfer to her company's office in Mumbai; it came with a significant promotion, bumping her up several steps on the corporate ladder.

The offer had been what precipitated the fight until everything and anything came out like a torrent, a firestorm, them screaming at each other and ending with Anthony walking out the door.

Kate was nothing, if not thorough. She told him no second chance; he had been blocked on all her social media, her phone. His siblings told him that she told them firmly-- if they tried to reconcile her and Anthony, she would go no contact. Colin was foolish enough to try, because he always tested boundaries. Shortly thereafter, he found himself blocked also.

Which was fucking inconvenient because it turned out that Anthony had left some precious, irreplaceable things at their apartment. Unable to get in touch with her and unwilling to spoil his siblings' friendships, he ended up having to contact the leasing office to ask for another key.

When he went to retrieve them, all of Kate's things were gone. She took some mementos and sentimental items, things which contained good memories for them both. Anthony could see Kate evaluating which ones she wanted, leaving behind what she knew he would want to keep.

He thought he'd done his share of weeping in front of Benedict and Simon, but it seemed the human body has a vast capacity for sadness. Anthony lay down on their bed, inhaled the imprint of her scent, and broke down sobbing once more, with fervor.

--

Therapy did wonders. Cutting back hours at the office did wonders. Dating a few other men, women, non-binary individuals, did wonders. Drawing a few boundaries between himself and his family, getting some new friends-- essentially remodeling his life to make it something he wanted to live, instead of relying on Kate as his one harbor of happiness-- it all did wonders.

However, his partners all knew:

"You're in love with someone else. It's unfair to ask me to compete against that standard, Anthony."

"Don't you think you should move on?"

"She's the love of your life, Anthony. I've had a lot of fun and you're a good guy, but I think we should see other people."

"Ah, yes. The famous Kate Sharma. My friends warned me about her."

"Oh love, you were an excellent fuck, but you have baggage I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole."

"You will never look at me the same way you looked at her!"

"I can't do this anymore. I can't stay in a relationship where I'm in love with someone who will never love me as much as I love them."

"It's been a few years, Anthony. Either let her go and get on with your life, or go back to her and grovel."

--

"No second chance."

"At least we finally see eye to eye on something."

--

There were limits on the friendships one could keep through social media.

Anthony and Kate had both, since the beginning of their careers, kept carefully curated profiles, as was mandated by their jobs. Their siblings and parents knew better than to tag them in photos or include them in posts.

He had been devastated to discover that Kate had, after she transferred to Mumbai, scrubbed her accounts even further. There was no way for him to stalk her; conversely, there was no way for her to stalk him. Neither thought made him happy.

The friendships Kate had with his siblings petered out. She was polite, but distant. The time difference didn't help, nor did the fact that she never instigated any contact, only responded. The only person Anthony knew who was still in regular contact with her was Simon, but that was because Kate and Simon had a strange understanding with one another. They could go for months without any contact, then meet for coffee as though no time had passed.

She and Simon had also become friends on a different level; in fact, it seemed many of the married-ins of the Bridgerton family had their own kind of communication (save Penelope, who had grown up with Eloise). They were strangely protective of their own kind.

Benedict and Daphne knew that Sophie and Simon were in semi-regular contact with Kate, but their spouses refused to share anything other than "she's fine" or "she really likes her job" or "she got a new place in Mumbai," never mind Anthony didn't know where her old place in Mumbai had been.

Anthony should have suspected something when Sophie and Simon suddenly became extremely cagey about Kate.

He should have known.

--

It took a lot of wrangling, bribery, spying, and hacking, but through the combined efforts of Hyacinth and Benedict, Anthony managed to get Kate's address in Mumbai.

He was aware he should not do this and it was a gross invasion of privacy and just wrong for several reasons, but his next business trip happened to be in New Delhi (which he knew was not as close to Mumbai as he'd originally assumed; he and Kate had fought about this because he hadn't known fucking basic geography of India and he really had been an ass, hadn't he?). It wasn't a big deal to take a bit of a detour to visit Mumbai. Look up her neighborhood.

Really, he found out in the worst way possible.

--

A man approached him, asking, "Pardon me, are you Anthony Bridgerton?"

Anthony blinked and flipped through his memory to try and place a name to the face and a place to the name--

"I suppose you don't recognize me-- Tom Dorset. We were in the same--"

"Dorset," he grinned and shook Dorset's hand. "It's been ages since I saw you last, how have you been?"

"I'm doing well. Just coming back from working two weeks with MSF."

"Last I heard you were in New Zealand."

"That was a few years back," Tom smiled. "Though the wanderlust never goes away-- it's a beautiful country. Have you ever visited?"

"No, I've only been on business trips to Australia."

"You should see it sometime."

"So you're flying to London?"

"No, I live in Mumbai now-- my wife," he said bashfully. "She's expecting in three months."

"Really? Congratulations! That's excellent news."

"Actually I think you know Kate, she said you dated for two years a while back."

Anthony's world stopped.

"Kate?" he asked, not knowing how he kept his voice even. "Kate Sharma?"

"Yeah. We met a year ago, got married in February."

"You proposed to her after dating six months?"

"I know, everyone's joked that I rushed to the altar. But we fell in love and knew we wanted to start a family together."

"That's-- that's wonderful to hear."

The problem was that Dorset was a fundamentally decent man without a duplicitous bone in his body, so when he smiled brightly and said:

"I suppose I should thank you for letting her go, otherwise I'd never have met her"

Anthony knew Dorset meant it sincerely in good humor, not as a dig or a taunt. Anthony knew Dorset wasn't saying it to break Anthony's heart; and knowing Kate-- because he still knew her, down to the marrow of his bones-- she wouldn't have spoken of their relationship except in the most general terms. And Dorset was not the sort to push.

"So, um, how did you meet?"

"A fundraiser for MSF, actually. We got to talking about her mother's osteoporosis and everything kind of followed naturally from there."

"That's great."

"It looks like we're on the same flight-- you should come to dinner. I'm sure Kate would like to catch up with an old friend."

An old friend. A friend.

And because Anthony was a masochist, he said:

"I'd be happy to."

--

He and Dorset exchanged numbers-- the man had a photo of Kate as his phone background, of course. Anthony had hastily changed his phone background whilst on the plane; he was mildly surprised that Dorset was flying first class also, then remembered that he came from money also.

When they landed, he could hear Dorset on the phone with Kate. From the conversation, he gathered that she was waiting for him at the arrivals gate. And funniest thing, he'd run into an old friend of hers, Anthony Bridgerton. From Dorset's expression, there was nothing amiss in Kate's reaction.

Anthony somehow managed to keep an amiable, meaningless conversation going with the man as they made their way through the airport.

Where had he and Kate married? Near her father's home, actually. The family flew out for the wedding.

How was the honeymoon? Wonderful. They went backpacking in Nepal.

How was he enjoying married life? It was everything he'd hoped for and more, now with a little one on the way. Was he thinking of settling down?

Oh, he'd dated here and there. Did he like living in Mumbai? He enjoyed it very much, but there was a chance they would be moving to America, Kate was up for promotion. They were in the midst of making a pros and cons list. Did he have any thoughts?

I should never have let her go. I should have tried. And now he was about to see Kate, happily married and glowing with pregnancy. Anthony didn't think he was going to survive the meeting.

Ah, well, he wouldn't presume to know and--

Kate was there.

Smiling, happily married, glowing to pregnancy.

She hugged and kissed Dorset, then hugged Anthony in that way old friends who hadn't seen each other for years hugged.

He couldn't help but inhale deeply and god. She smelled the same.

Anthony felt her stiffen slightly, then pull back quickly.

The happy couple insisted on driving him to his hotel, all while keeping up the usual happily married couple banter, and they made plans to have dinner together tomorrow.

He had no idea how he managed to keep his smile and cheerful demeanor. It helped that Dorset was so infuriatingly decent and so fucking in love with Kate, treating her the way Anthony should have treated her those years ago. It didn't help that Kate was so fucking happy and had clearly gotten over Anthony, closed the door firmly when she'd told him no second chance and he'd agreed, leaving without a backwards glance.

They dropped him off at his hotel. Anthony smiled and waved. His smile felt genuine and genuinely frozen.

He had no idea how he got to his room.

Because the next thing he remembered was sitting on the floor, back to the bed, staring out the window, tears silently running down his face.

--

Dinner was good.

Life goes on.

Anthony married and divorced three times, had two children with his first wife.

Kate and Dorset stayed in touch, mainly because Dorset stayed in touch and Anthony could not let Kate go.

She told him once-- she still loved him. She would never stop loving him because he was part of her; Kate would sooner not know herself than forget how to love Anthony.

But she loved Tom, and she was in love with Tom-- the life they'd built together, and the children they had. It was good that she and Anthony could be friends, but that's all they would be.

There was no emotional affair. There was no physical affair. Really, they only met in person if Anthony had to travel for business to the US, or if Dorset and Kate visited the family in the UK; which is to say very rarely.

Neither he nor Kate believed in past lives or reincarnation, but that one time she told him she loved him because he was part of her, and he told her he never stopped loving her and letting her go was his biggest regret-- that one occasion, he smiled that young, boyish smile she'd always said was so charming.

A smile which felt foreign to his face because it'd been so long since he'd last worn the expression. It was not that he never smiled, or that none of his smiles were genuine. Only that this particular smile was something she drew out of him specifically, like his body thrummed at a different frequency when he was in her presence.

But he promised, that if there were future lives or past lives or nonlinear lives in other galaxies, he wouldn't make the same mistake again. She'd raised her eyebrow at him, because she knew him and knew his weaknesses, so didn't call him on the fatal flaw of his character-- that he was willing to fight for everyone except himself. Hopefully he'd learned how to in this life, she'd said.

And hopefully she'd learned also. To maybe fight a little harder, instead of running away.

If there were other lives to be lived where the two of them met, she told him she would try, if he would try.

Is that a promise, Kathani Sharma?

Yes, she'd said. Yes it is a promise.

Wait for me, please, he'd asked.

If he could catch her, she would.

--

On and on and on and on My smallest hope is never gone My optimism always is well fed And If I die before I wake I pray for all the goodness sake That you are happy where you make your bed

[chaifootsteps]

I'm gonna be honest, I'm just tired of the Lackadaisy and Viv situations. I'm tired of becoming invested in things, only for it to be tainted by controversy. I'm tired of falling in love with something, only to have the creator turn or to be shit, or for one thing to go wrong, and everyone immediately dogpiles onto someone without all the information. I'm tired of loving something and having the enjoyment ripped from me, be it by the creators, or by others in the same fandom. Im tired of not knowing who to believe or what side to be on. Not knowing what's true and what's fabricated or taken out of context. Im tired of not being able to look up the things I loved that used to be so full of positivity and joy, only to find its filled with nothing but people talking about the same thing over and over and over. It's exhausting, and it makes me not even want to get involved with anything out of fear of them turning sour. I just want to enjoy things without shame or fear of them being destroyed, but it feels like that isn't even possible anymore.

I wish I knew what to tell you, Anon. The truth is, this is exactly the reason why it took me so long to take the plunge and get into Lackadaisy.

The only thing I can suggest, and this is just my personal experience and also not foolproof, is getting into extremely obscure or dead, dry-docked pieces of media with small to nonexistent fandom presences that will probably never be picked up again. That way, even if you do get into more popular stuff and something like this happens, you'll always have a place to run and hide.

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

I have many thoughts so I'm sorry if this is a mess and I go off on a tangent randomly. It's just that I'm so so exhausted, Sea. I've spent the entirety of Walls era streaming relentlessly, with basically no result and I don't want to do that for FITF. I don't have the energy to feel bad that his songs aren't charting, or bringing in the numbers that they should. At the end of the day, if louis' music isn't doing well, it's because his team is incompetent as fuck (even after 7 years!!) and the label that he has chosen is not putting in the work. Other artists signed to BMG have better promo to the general public, so it's not even that they can't do anything, it's just that they won't. I want to hear Louis' music played in every public space, I want all my friends and family to know him as a proper artist, not just as "X singer from 1d that [my name] likes" and that won't be possible unless Louis talks about anything other than fucking 1d reunion talk in his interviews. Some of the FITF era interviews are so redundant, with basically the same talking points as the Walls ones. (also, who the fuck puts someone like Louis on Lorraine?????? like is that really the audience they're hoping to pull in?) I can't be arsed to log into Twitter just to see that Louis has gotten exactly nowhere because his promo is just as shit as ever. Also, it's so baffling to me how we've gotten such an immense amount of content, but Louis hasn't been online at all? he hasn't tweeted the magazine covers, or the interviews or anything at all, and yeah lthq has done all this, but no one follows that account other than fans so it basically means nothing at all? And like, yeah maybe he's been busy traveling or whatever, but he has an actual song out right now, and it would make sense for his socials to be active, even if he isn't the one using it. like do something at least!! as for the blacklisting, BMG is doing just about nothing to overcome it. I absolutely despise how much they're relying on fans made of a fickle fanbase for the song to chart. I love our relationship with Louis, how we both equally respect and love each other, don't get me wrong, but fans shouldn't feel a responsibility for the artist's publicizing, just because his team can't do enough. I honestly think that's putting way too much of a burden on the fans, fans are here to enjoy the music! Fandom and louis is like an escape to us from real life, and coming on here just to get negative vibes and feel guilty because the streams aren't enough is just not it. It's really ironic how we (or at least majority of the fanbase) all thought that BMG would mean a good change, but so far I haven't seen any signs of that yet. Then again, I guess we should have known when Lisa Wilkinson was hanging out with Jesobel and members of Seven Management. Idk what my initial point was anymore, but as a fan of Louis since 2016, who has seen him grow, get pushed back and rise up again and again and fucking again, just to be thrown to the wolves - I am so so tired. Louis deserves better, and somehow it feels like the whole universe is against it. Ty for listening to my rant (if you've read this far that is), I hope you've had a good day! ❤️💝💜

So I saw this.

Then this.

Louis is getting nowhere until his fanbase recognizes that charting matters more than fandom wars.

At the end of the day, we tried out best. That’s all we can do.