#these girls cannot stay away from each other especially on television

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low quality background brittana moments save me…

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FRESH OUT THE SLAMMER

Esteban Ocon x childhood bestfriend!reader

Summary: Esteban has been pining over his bestfriend for the longest time. How long will it take her to see that what she's looking for is right in front of her?

The Tortured Drivers' Department series

A/N: And the first person that I'll be crossing off the list is Estie bestie. I think he is probably one of the drivers that gives me the wholesome aura. Let me know what you think or if you wanna be added to the taglist.

Taglist. @tea-bobba @boiohboii @c-losur3 @haikyuen @stelena-klayley @stinkyjax @0710khj @jinimon-tr

Now, pretty baby, I'm runnin' back home to you. Fresh out the slammer, I know who my first call will be to.

02-13-2002

Dear Diary,

Today I met my first ami (ami is friend in french) and he is Esteban something long name Okon. He is so nice to me. He said hi and helped me swing on the swing sets. I hope I meet more ami like Esteban but he is my favoriteeeee!!!

-y/n.

6 years old Esteban was actually running away from class when he stumbled upon a girl swinging alone at the park's swing set. He frowns because he noticed that every kid at the park have someone to play with but she has no one. Esteban was in an internal battle to just leave it alone but he can't help but feel bad for her.

He walked to the girl and he sat next to the empty swing next to her.

Y/N looked at the stranger that just joined her. Her interest was piqued because no one wants to be around her. She blamed it in her inability to speak French so she was hesitant to scare off the potential play mate.

"I'm Esteban, you are new?" Esteban started.

Esteban's english was not perfect especially with a strong French accent but he can hold a good conversation. He can see how the excited grin appeared in her face.

"Y/N! You speak good, can we be friends?" she asked.

She extends her hands to the boy and Esteban shakes it.

"Mon ami"Esteban agrees.

There was a visible confusion in her face. Esteban mentally slaps himself as he forgot that she cannot speak french.

"It mean friends"he added.

"Mon ami Esteban" it rolls right in her tongue.

And although there was a great language barrier, they managed to stay there at the swing sets till it was time to go home for dinner. Their antics and their grand hand gestures helped them communicate with each other.

11-28-2002

Dear Diary,

I told Estie that I will be missing thanksgiving a lot because I don't live in US. His mom and dad cooked, we had our own version of thanksgiving. I'm so grateful to my mon ami, Estie.

-y/n

Usually, Esteban's afterschool routine was drop his bags and leave the house to meet up with his bestfriend, Y/N. They would go sit at the swing set for hours or maybe watch the television at Y/N's house. It was a routine that Mrs. Ocon has been familiar with ever since Y/N came into the picture.

"Maman, can I talk to you about something"

Esteban made a beeline to his mother as soon as he gets home this afternoon.

"Did you have any troubles in school?" Mrs. Ocon wondered.

"Not at all Maman" Esteban answers "I just need help with something Maman about Y/N"

Mrs. Ocon tried to hide the smile in her face as he mutters a soft "oh". Meanwhile, Esteban reached out a piece of paper from his bag.

"Maman I drew this at school, this is a tradition that Y/N misses in America"Esteban explains.

The paper was filled with drawings of stick figures sitting in a table. The table was filled with dishes messily drawn in a muddle of green, brown, and orange.

Mrs. Ocon looks at her son with confusion, she still didn't know what he needs help in.

"What are you trying to say Esteban?"she asked

"This 28 is the thanksgiving dinner and Y/N says that her parents will be busy. She told me its just like a normal dinner but you say thank you for everything you are grateful about"Esteban elaborates "Can we do that Maman and can we invite Y/N to join us"

"That's a wonderful gesture to do for your friend Esteban" Mrs Ocon coos.

Esteban breaks out into a grin with the agreement of his mother.

"But you will be helping me prepare the dishes okay?" Mrs. Ocon added

"Of course Maman, I'll do anything"

Esteban gives his Mother a tight hug. He was extremely grateful because he knows how much Y/N has been missing so many american things lately. He was just scared that she'll leave France and then go back to America then he will never see her again.

On the other hand, Mrs. Ocon can call it mother instincts but she called it from this moment that her son is in love with his bestfriend.

05-17-2005

Dear Diary,

I like reading a lot while my bestfriend Estie loves riding the small karts. I like going to school, Estie doesn't like that. It seems like were different with each other. I'm scared of losing my bestfriend, what should i do?

But I'll support him. I want him to be happy. Thats what bestfriends do.

-y/n

"I wanna be a race car driver"Esteban blurts out one time that they were watching those Formula 1 races on the television.

Y/N started laughing because she thought it was a joke but when she looked at him, his eyes were looking at the race cars with so much determination.

"Wait, you are serious?"

"Can't you picture me driving those cars? It's like being wind woosh" Esteban mimicked the movement of the cars.

"But its like dangerous, you could crash" Y/N argues.

They have seen some serious crashes in the times that they watched F1. Y/N couldn't forget that dogpile crash in Monaco just a few weeks ago, her heart nearly stopped when the car hits a marshal cleaning up debris.

"Then I'm going to train to be a good driver so I don't crash" Esteban confidently states.

"But what about school?"Y/N asked "You're not seriously leaving me there"

"Woah, I said I wanna be a race car driver"Esteban clarifies "I didn't say anything about leaving you. You are mon ami"

"But school Estie?"Y/N repeats

Both of them knows that Esteban never found a knack for the academics, his favorite class was physical education. As much as Y/N tries to encourage him to study, he didn't like to do that a lot. Esteban always said that the braincells of Y/N will be enough for them to share and to get through life.

"I really wanna be a race car driver"Esteban insisted.

Y/N knew Esteban very well that if he sets his mind to it then he is bound to do it. There is nothing else she can do but support it.

"Esteban Ocon, a grand prix winner" Y/N shows her encouragement "I could picture it the crowd goes roar and you step onto those podiums holding those big trophies"

Esteban grins at her enthusiasm.

"And then I could take you with me to watch them when you finish school"Esteban added "We could travel the world together when I become a driver"

"Esteban wait so if you do become a race driver then maybe I can meet Kimi"Y/N wondered.

"Wow you only want me to go to F1 for Kimi huh"

"Well its a good opportunity to meet the man, the myth, the legend"

06-16-2006

Dear Diary,

I'm just really really sad today. Estie will be moving far away from here. Maybe I only get to see him on the weekends. I'll miss my bestfriend, mon ami

-y/n

They were at the swing sets when Esteban broke the news that he was accepted to compete for karting competitions. Y/N was immediately ecstatic to hear this but there was a frown gracing Esteban's face.

"You just told me that you are gonna compete for go karting but why do you look so sad" Y/N inquires "Isn't this like the first step in being an F1 driver?"

It is but Esteban hadn't predicted how costly this whole thing will be and how sacrifices have to be made in order to reach his dreams.

"We have to leave the house"Esteban breaks the news.

"Leave?"Y/N was confused "I mean don't you really have to leave the house to go to the go karting place..but you'll come back right?"

He shakes his head and Y/N could feel the reason for the sad looks on his face. Her heart feels like cracking especially when Esteban starts to speak again.

"They sold the house to get me a kart" Esteban's voice was filled with so much sadness "They knew it was my dream and the whole family sees a lot of potential that I can do it. I just feel terrible that they have to make sacrifices to make my dreams come true"

They were merely ten years old but it was a lot of burden to carry and to understand. Y/N is at loss for words but she just grabbed Esteban's hands.

"Then you have to give your all and be the best race driver ever okay?"Y/N reminded him

Esteban looked at Y/N and there were stray tears leaving her eyes but she has a brave face on and an encouraging smile. He was lucky to have a family that believes in him and he was even more luckier because he gets to have another supporter in the form of his bestfriend.

"You make a lot of money so you can buy your home again and you can treat your parents out"Y/N says "You have to do well okay, we all believe in you Estie"

And its these words that kept repeating on Esteban's mind whenever he is on track.

11-23-2012

Dear Diary,

It's my birthday today. Did you believe that Estie waited till it turned midnight here in France just to call me. My bestfriend be setting up the standards for everyone. I got a cake in the morning from my classmates and then we went to have dinner. Sixteen, im getting old now.

-y/n

Esteban and Y/N had a tradition since they were kids that they will wait for each other's birthday because they wanted to be the first person to greet each other.

The minute that the clock strikes 12, Y/N's phone starts vibrating. She had a grin on her face upon seeing the name on the caller ID.

"Well hello there Mr. Lightning McQueen"Y/N greeted.

"Happiest birthday to my sweetest mon ami"Esteban cheered on the other line "You know that I wish you all the best things in life and all of happiness that life has to offer"

"I'm surprised you had time to call, don't you have to wake up early later for your race?" Y/N questioned.

It was true, they don't get to talk as much whenever Esteban was in a competition season. Y/N doesn't mind it that much because Esteban will message whenever he can.

"I wouldn't miss my favorite person's day" Esteban answers.

His remarks made Y/N blush. It was a good thing that this is just a phone call conversation or she had some explaining to do.

"That makes me miss you way way more Estie"Y/N sighs "I hope I can see you again"

"Is that your birthday wish?" Esteban jokes

"My birthday wish is an F1 seat for you" Y/N declares.

"Hey, stop wishing about me. It's your day wish for YOUR day" Esteban argues.

"Then I wish for my bestfriend to get an F1 seat so I can meet Kimi"Y/N rephrases.

They spent a good time talking to each other. Y/N updates Esteban about those girls in her class that she wants to be friends with and how difficult physics assignments are. Esteban mentions about the trainings and the different race drivers that he met on track.

Esteban knows that he might probably regret staying up late but everything always seems worth it when it comes to Y/N.

"Well its really nice catching up to you but school starts at 7 tomorrow"Y/N yawns a bit "You must be pretty tired as well with all the training"

"Don't you worry about me here, I'm doing okay"

"You are the best Estie" Y/N said "Goodnight estie, love you"

Love. That's the word that Esteban has been pondering about a lot lately. It was that stage of life that people are getting girlfriends and boyfriends because they love that person. The only person that Esteban thinks he can love and be in a relationship with is Y/N.

First he thought, maybe its because Y/N's a close friends. Many people get the lines blurred between friendship and relationship. However, Esteban is beginning to realize that he likes Y/N more than a friend.

But, Esteban was scared of scaring her off or losing her so he settles with this.

"Good night Y/N, love you more"

01-01-2017

Dear Diary,

So Esteban and I went to our first party because Esteban finally had a permanent team for the upcoming 2017 season. We had a few drinks to celebrate and I met a boy. His name is Vincent. I think we hit it off pretty well.

-y/n

Esteban has this all night planned with him announcing that he is getting a permanent seat in Formula 1 to inviting her to the races to confessing his feelings and then hopefully get a New Year Eve's kiss.

However, here he is in the bathroom chickening out with his plans.

"C'mon Esteban, you can do this" he preps himself.

In his mind, he had everything written and prepared. He will start talking about the childhood how he was so glad to meet her and to her being the number 1 fan since day 1. Then he will move to his realizations and such when he was moving up to F1.

"Just say what you feel and be true. It's gonna work out"Esteban tells his reflection to the mirror.

With one spray of water to the face, Esteban exits the bathroom to find Y/N in the sea of crowd.

He searches for her and he was glad to see that she was still at the same place where he left her. However, his face scrunches up because there was another guy around her.

"Estieee!"Y/N calls out "I want you to meet Vincent, he is my new friend"

Esteban eyes the man because he didn't even look at him. Vincent's eyes were only looking at Y/N's and Esteban could feel his heart drop. He knows that look all too well because that is how he looks at her.

There goes his chance.

12-25-2017

Dear Diary,

This is my first christmas with Vincent as my boyfriend. Were still getting used with the presents thing and I think I overwhelmed him a bit. But I think that its going well, Mom loves Vincent. Dad and Esteban doesn't seem to think that Vincent is good for me.

-y/n

"Okay, time to open christmas presents!" Y/N excitedly announce.

Everyone gathers at the Christmas tree. It was a yearly tradition in the household that after lunch they go one-by-one in opening the gifts. Y/N always loved presents so she would always go first.

"Merry Christmas darling"Vincent says as he gives his present.

Esteban manages to keep his expression straight but he would have gagged if he could. He was filled with so much jealousy that he could have been in that position right now if he didn't chicken out.

Also, there was something so irritating and wrong about Vincent. He just don't have any proof about it. Mr. Y/L/N has a similar theory which he discussed with Esteban when they were in the garage earlier.

Y/N opens the box and she saw a gold chain with the letter V. It was a very beautiful necklace and it seems expensive as well. She musters up a smile as she thanks her boyfriend.

"This is beautiful Vincent" Y/N admires as she takes it off the box.

"I know."Vincent agrees "When I saw it in the store, I immediately thought of you"

The thoughts were sweet but Esteban couldn't help himself.

"Mate"Esteban calls "Y/N doesn't wear gold"

It was the truth that Y/N never wore any gold jewelry but since it was a gift, she was putting on a smile. Esteban knows that Y/N is just being appreciative to be respectful. Frankly, he was a bit pissed off that Vincent didn't even pay attention to that simple details of Y/N.

"Oh, I didn't know that"Vincent sheepishly grins "I didn't notice that, maybe I should take it b-"

"No, no. I'll wear it, its the thought that counts"Y/N settles.

"Next year, I'll get you a better gift" Vincent assures.

Mr. Y/L/N and Esteban could only share an eye roll, they really hope that they don't get to see Vincent next year around.

06-26-2018

Dear Diary,

Today is emotionally draining and I find it hard to sleep with a lots of thoughts in my head. It feels really different to see Estie in an F1 car. I simply can't believe it that he went to watching race cars to driving one. It sucks about whats about to happen but I am so proud of my bestfriend, mon ami Estie. I will always be proud of him no matter what.

-y/n

One of the worst things that could probably happen is to not finish a race but the feeling intensifies when it happened on your home race. Esteban wanted to kick himself for his misfortune. He didn't even get a lap in when Gasly collided him thus ending their races.

"Stupid" Esteban repeats the video all over again.

The door gently opens and Esteban would have shouted to leave him alone but Y/N peeked out of the door. It was like instant moment of peace for Esteban then its back to feeling like a failure because he suddenly remembered that everyone he loves have watched him DNF live.

"Estie, they told me you were here"Y/N greeted "You wanna talk?"

"I rather not" Esteban quickly answered.

"Hey, its just one bad weekend Estie"Y/N sits next to him.

"This is that one weekend that should have been a good weekend. Everyone is watching me and I didn't even start a lap before getting fucked"

The crack in Esteban's voice signifies that it was extremely heartbreaking for him to have this performance for his home race. Y/N could only tap his shoulder for comfort.

"Estie, you will have a lot of weekends ahead of you and you still have a lot more weekends that we will be watching. Don't be too hard on yourself" Y/N comforts "You can bounce back like you always do"

"You believe in me way too much"

"You already came a long way Estie. From sitting and watching them race every Sunday to actually driving a car. You should be proud of yourself" Y/N reminds.

There was something else painful in Esteban's heart. The recent issues regarding the team doesn't guarantee him for a seat in the coming year. It was another reason why he felt so down with what happened.

"Would you still be proud of me even if I don't have an F1 seat?" Esteban asked.

"What? What happened Estie?" Y/N was shocked.

"I might not have a team to drive for next year. I don't know if anyone is going to pick me with my DNFs and everything, I'm not a good candidate"

Esteban sheds the tears he has been trying to hide. He knew that this was a safe place to talk to Y/N. Everything just felt so heavy.

"Oh my god Estie, I'm sorry"Y/N consoles her bestfriend.

The two bestfriend knew how much this Formula 1 seat meant. It was a lot of struggles and sacrifice to reach this moment. One moment they were just kids going on karting season and now Esteban was getting his F1 seat. Now its being taken away, its like waking up from a good dream.

Y/N brushes away her tears and started to pace as if devising a plan.

"Don't you dare think that just because you are not getting a team next year is that you are a bad driver. You are a great driver okay,remember that." Y/N encourages "Take the year off. Improve your skills, get better then make a comeback"

If Y/N believes that he can make a comeback then Esteban believes that as well.

02-03-2019

Dear Diary,

I had a fight with Vincent. He told me that I am spending too much time with Esteban. He wanted me to stay away from Estie like who is he to tell me what to do.

I told him to be more patient with Estie because he really needs support right now. I hate how stupid and irrational Vincent is.

-y/n

Esteban was just picking up one of his cousin at the club when he saw a familiar figure at the alley. He just wanted to say hi to Vincent but when he noticed that he was holding hands with a girl, who is definitely not Y/N, Esteban started to follow.

He watched as how Vincent pulled the girl into a kiss and all Esteban could see was red.

"OHMYGOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"The girl shouts.

Esteban lands a solid punch. He doesn't care if Vincent is drunk or whatever but he should never cheat especially on a woman as amazing as Y/N.

"I tried to give you a chance, you fucking ruined it"Esteban lands another punch at Vincent.

"What the fuck man, get off!"Vincent screams.

The fact that Esteban was willing to let go and watch Y/N be happy with Vincent. He was willing to do that because Vincent makes Y/N happy but seeing this. Its not gonna happen anymore.

Two bouncers of the club broke them off. The girl immediately tended to the beaten up Vincent, Esteban dust himself off as he sets out a threat.

"You better come clean and tell her the truth or else I fucking will" Esteban warns.

"FUCK YOU MAN" Vincent shouts back "I know you like her! I know you are just waiting for an opportunity to ruin us"

"I'm not the one who ruined the fucking relationship Vincent, it was you who fucking cheated on Y/N"

Esteban was seething as he returned to the car. His mind thumbs to call Y/N but he knows that it will break Y/N's heart terribly if he tells her the truth.

09-28-2019

Dear Diary,

I hate this feeling of being ina fight with Esteban. He said some things that aren't true and I said some things that must have hurt him a lot. I don't think we will be okay any time soon. I just wish I could have turned back time to talk about the whole thing more carefully.

-y/n

There are not many things that Esteban and Y/N disagrees with each other. It was quite rare to see them fight each other because they fit perfectly just like that. Usually, their fights are just simple misunderstandings and harmless that they will make up in a day or so.

This time its different.

Everything started when Y/N explained that she'll be moving to Vincent's apartment, something that triggered Esteban greatly. It was apparent that Y/N had no idea of what happened at the club so Esteban told the whole truth.

Y/N is in complete denial and called Esteban a liar. So here they are with their raised tones.

"If you are my fucking friend then you would have told me the minute you saw it" Y/N explained "Why didn't you fucking call"

"I was protecting you. I know it would hurt you to know the truth and I told Vincent that he has to be the one to come clean" Esteban fights back.

"Protecting me with a grand lie?"

"I thought you don't fucking believe me that Vincent is cheating" Esteban frustrated with the argument.

"I don't know who to fucking believe because you would have told me right away if its real" Y/N cried.

The emotions were all too high, they were a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Esteban could not hide the disappointment in his face that Y/N didn't believe him.

"You don't trust me" Esteban realized.

"No Esteban, its not like-"

"Then what is it like?" Esteban asked "It seems as if you totally forgot that it was me who you could always trust no matter what. You forgot that I was your bestfriend since the beginning that was always there."

Y/N didn't want to get all the blame so she strikes back again even though tears were threatening to fall.

"You know its very fucking ironic that you say that" Y/N's words were like bullets "You didn't fucking trust me to believe you either that's why you didn't call"

Esteban was speechless and then he shakes his head.

"Where are you going?"Y/N chases after.

"I'm going home, away from you"

"Fine. Don't fucking come back" Y/N slams the door.

There were a lot of things said and done. They both don't know how they regretted everything.

03-29-2020

Dear Diary,

This whole lockdown is a little bit fucked. I was cleaning up some files in my computer and I saw a photo of me and Estie. I wonder if he is still mad at me and I wonder how he is doing with lockdowns. I wanted to reach out to him but I can't help but think back how much I must have hurt him before.

Vincent is a bit stressed with the whole lockdown situation. He gets frustrated easily especially with the new work set-up. I'm sure he will get better at handling his emotions, I just have to understand this for the moment.

-y/n

Esteban was scrolling through his instagram feed. He had nothing much to do since the lockdown kept everyone inside their homes. There was this feeling of uncertainty when can they race again but Esteban could only hope that they can race again even by May or June.

His hands stopped when he saw the newest instagram post of Y/N. It was a photo of her cooking a dish and the next set of photos showcases more of her lockdown diaries.

There was a bitter smile gracing on Esteban's face when he saw the photo of Vincent. It seems as if Vincent hasn't told the truth yet or maybe he lied to Y/N that's why they are still together. Esteban feels like he could punch the guy if he ever sees him again.

Not a day goes by that he regrets that fight he had with Y/N. It was just utterly pointless that it happened and he misses her. He hopes that she is okay and maybe after this whole lockdown is over then he'll go and find her again.

With heavy sighs, he scrolls past the post without liking it.

08-01-2021

Dear Diary,

Esteban is a grand prix winner. I'm really so proud of him, I shed some tears when he reach the final lap. I don't know if its the emotions or the adrenaline but I also messaged him and I was surprised that he answered. It seems like this is a start of a good thing.

-y/n

There were no words to describe how amazing the feeling was to be on top of the podium. Esteban could only imagine that feeling before but now he is living it. Everything felt like a wild dream because when he started the race he didn't even know that he will end up being a race winner after.

Collapsing to his bed, he finally opens his phone and it was immediately buzzing with so many messages. There was one message conversation that catches his attention

Y/N: Hi Esteban! I hope this is still your number. I watched the race today and I'm really so proud of you. I want to waive a white flag because this is everything that you have dreamed of all these years. There are no words to describe how proud I am of you. You have come a long way from that kid by the swing set. You will always have my support (even if we have a cold war). Y/N: I'm also sorry. I said some things that was really not good for me to say. I'm sorry I'm doing this over a text and I'm sorry that it took me this long. Y/N: I hope you are okay. You better drink up some champagne, you deserve it Grand Prix Winner.

There was this warmth that seems to envelope him as he reads the messages. It feels nice to know that she stills supports him even though they are not talking.

Esteban catches himself smiling through his phone screen confirming that his feelings for her still exist.

"Oh fuck it, this feeling never goes away doesn't it"

01-02-2022

Dear Diary,

Vincent proposed to me today in front of a crowd today. Mentally I wanted to say no because I don't think that I am ready for it or maybe its just the fact that I'm not sure that Vincent is ready for it. I just said yes because there was a large group of people. I felt like I was put on the spot and I didn't like it.

Maybe, its just the nerves.

-y/n

Mrs. Ocon had been keeping tabs with Mrs. Y/L/N even when the two had stopped talking to each other. They often update with each others lives when they get their nails done. Today, Mrs. Ocon couldn't believe the news shared to her so she hurried downstairs to find Esteban.

"Is it true Esteban?" Mrs. Ocon asked

"What's true maman?"

Esteban has just finished doing simulations so he have not been with his phone for quite some time. His mother immediately shoved her phone to his hand. Esteban squints as she watched the video of someone getting proposed at the Eiffel Tower.

"Maman, I'm not getting married anytime soon"Esteban jokes.

He has been pestered multiple times about getting married or getting a girlfriend but Esteban didn't want any of those. Nothing could compare to Y/N so he would rather not date anyone else.

"Just look more closely"Mrs Ocon insisted.

Scrunching up his nose, Esteban finally noticed the familiar faces of the couple. And it feels like a deja vu from his experience so many years ago when he almost confessed for New Years Eve.

Only this time, the pain has been magnified.

"That's good for Y/N, I'm.."Esteban holds his breath "happy for her"

"Honey...It's okay to not feel happy.."

Mrs Ocon has been one of the witness of everything and she knows how much her son loves Y/N. She extended a hug and soon the tall French man just let all his tears fall.

01-09-2023

Dear Diary,

I called it off, Vincent cheated on me and there was another girl on the side. He got her pregnant. I felt so stupid because I have been ignoring so many red flags all these years, I should have known better. I don't know what to fucking do, I hate him so much.

"What the fuck is wrong with me"

Y/N was a mess and anyone else who have been confronted with the reality that they have been in a fucked up relationship for so long will be a complete mess.

"There is nothing wrong with you Y/N" Esteban repeated "It was not your fault that he cheated"

"I was so stupid Estie, I wasted so many years for him"

This has been an ongoing process for a while now. Its been a good two weeks since they broke up but Y/N was still stuck in a period of asking questions and crying.

"I want my fucking life back and I can't get it back"Y/N laments.

Esteban doesn't know what he could do to help but he just became the shoulder that she can lean on. It was a good thing that there weren't much to do yet, he can still be with Y/N for a while.

"You know on the brighter side of life, you are still lucky that you didn't marry him" Esteban suggested "Like imagine all the divorce and process you have to go through if you did marry him"

"I might have ugly children if I married Vincent" Y/N scoffs.

"He is not your problem anymore Y/N, just ignore him"Esteban encourages.

Y/N lets out a frustrated cry as she messes up her hair again.

"I can't just fucking ignore him. He have been with me for a good period of my life and people just expect me to move on and go on with my life. I lost so many things about myself that I don't even trust myself after him"

Tears started falling from her eyes. She wipes them up as Esteban guided her to a chair.

"I'm sorry Y/N, here lets take a seat and I'll get you water" Esteban said before leaving to go to the kitchen.

There was something so nice to have Esteban around. Even if she shouts or screams like that, Esteban is still patient and kind with her. He was not rushing her to move past what she feels, he allows her to speak.

"You know, I can survive on my own" Y/N mutters.

"I know"Esteban agrees as he handed her the water "But I wanted to be here for you. You have always been there for me when I'm at my lowest of lows, I wanna be there for you now"

It was rare to see Y/N's smiles nowadays but with Esteban saying stuffs like that, she can't help but smile. She was very grateful to have Esteban around. She didn't know how she could survive without Esteban's help.

"Thanks estie

02-18-2023

Dear Diary,

Is it too soon to open up my heart again? I really want to try but I am scared. Maybe this is what happens when you've been in a shitty relationship for so long.

I also know that I dont wanna mess up things. If I do mess up things, I'm not going to just miss someone but I'll miss that boy I met at the swingset.

Maybe this year can do me good.

-y/n

"Esteban for a driver, you are pretty slow driving normal cars"Y/N teased.

"I have to be careful, accidents always happen and I don't wanna injure you before a flight" Esteban argues.

Esteban unloads all their bags. The two of them are going abroad however they are going to different countries. Y/N is going back to her old American home and she might be there for a while. On the other hand, Esteban is going to Bahrain for the pre-testing.

"You sure you have everything?" Esteban asked "Passports? Tickets? chargers?"

"Hey Mr. I forgot my passport, dont lecture me about forgetting things"Y/N smirked.

"Just double check and don't be like me then"

For onlookers they look like a couple about to travel together. How Esteban wishes that was the case but they are just a couple of bestfriends.

"Gonna miss you mon ami"Y/N hugs Esteban "I think I see my gate over there, call me okay"

"Of course I will"Esteban assures.

Y/N was already walking a decent few meters away when Esteban started to debate if he should tell her now. It seems spontaneous but this is a now or never situation.

"Wait up Y/N!"

"Did you forget something?"she teased

She turned her head and found Esteban catching up to her. There were beads of sweat on his forehead and Y/N could tell that Esteban was a bit nervous about something.

"Actually there is something I wanna tell you" Esteban starts.

"Oh what about it?"

She tilts her head in curiosity as Esteban takes in a large deep breath.

"I never forgot my passport. I was just using it as an excuse so I can spend more time with you. I didn't wanna go away from you because I miss you and I love you"Esteban declares.

"Aww Estie, you know I love you too-"

"No, Y/N its not that kind of love"Esteban clarifies "I love you as in I love you in a non-platonic way. I love you in a way that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you in a way that I'll do everything so that I'm always coming home to you"

There was silence between the two of them. Esteban was looking for any signs of disgust or rejection in Y/N's eyes but so far those emotions doesn't seem to appear. He feels brave enough to continue further.

"Look, I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend. I know you need time to heal from whatever happened to you. I won't rush you. I have waited since were little kids, this is nothing compared to that. Allow yourself to heal and be yourself. Explore the world. Then if you want me, I'm just here waiting for you"

Esteban's word was filled with so much love and adoration. It was the respect that Y/N needed for having suffer a bad relationship. How could she be so blind not to see what's in front of her all along.

Y/N leans to hug him.

"I won't answer this for now, wait for me to be healed okay?"she whispers.

"Of course Y/N, always waiting for you."

05-01-2024

Dear Diary,

Almost a year and so since my last entry.

I have visited a lot of places to find myself and to heal myself. It was a beautiful journey going to foreign places and trying new things. Actually gave me a new perspective in life that makes me confidently say that I am healed. Some things take a lot of time before we tend to appreciate it.

I have someone waiting for me for almost 22 years already. I'm finally going home to him.

-y/n

[yurimother]

How 'She-Ra' Delivered on Queer Promises and Helped Revolutionized LGBTQ Representation

DreamWorks's She-Ra and the Princesses of Power has already cemented its place among the short but rapidly growing list of children’s animated shows with impactful LGBTQ representation. Showrunner Noelle Stevenson made it a point to push and fight for more diverse characters in every aspect from race, to personality, to sexual and gender identity. However, the finale of the GLADD Award-nominated program delivered on a revolutionary promise built up throughout all five seasons and completed one of the greatest queer narratives ever seen in children’s media.

As She-Ra progressed, Stevenson became more encouraged and inspired to pressure executives to allow more and more explicit LGBTQ characters and relationships. While ever-present in the series, season one only featured a background couple, Spinnerella (Noelle Stevenson) and Netossa (Krystal Joy Brown), and of course, the famous dance sequence between Catra (AJ Michalka) and Adora (Aimee Carrero). While this amount of representation is comfortably leagues ahead of the vast majority of cartoons, the show only upped the ante and the amount of representation from there. Season 2 introduced viewers to George (Chris Jai Alex) and Lance (Regi Davis), Bow's fathers. The series presents them in a normalized fashion as a happy gay couple in love that built a family together. Jacob Tobia's non-binary Double Trouble featured heavily in season four, making them one of the first non-binary characters in children's animation and one of the first to holding an integral role in the show, a major step in representing such identities.

The many achievements and strides She-Ra in LGBTQ representation featured in She-Ra will doubtlessly affect other projects in the industry and help further programs walk a similar path. However, the greatest queer story inShe-Ra is the spectacular series-long arc exploring the relationship and dynamics between de facto antagonist Catra and protagonist Adora. The former friends, who grew up together in the ranks of the Horde, turn enemies at the start of the series after Adora gains the power of She-Ra and betrays Catra, joining the Rebellion.

Fans quickly began speculating on the nature of Adora and Catra's relationship during season one, mainly because of the Princess Prom dance scene. After the young women shared a charged and sinister dance, fans quickly began supporting and analyzing "Catradora." The next three seasons would gradually and gracefully define both characters' complicated feelings for each other. Initially, Catra attempts to rationalize Adora's leaving as a relief or else forces herself to appear apathetic towards it. She continuously uses the excuse that she is no longer living under Adora's shadow to gradually build up more power, rising through the ranks of the Horde while stepping on those who helped her.

While Catra's motivations are appropriately layered and complex, it becomes clear that she is attempting to win approval, to be less alone than she has felt since Adora abandoned her. She seeks others' approval, including her abusive maternal figure, Shadow Weaver (Lorraine Toussaint), and the cruel Hordak (Keston John). However, Catra does not realize until confronted by Double Trouble's gut-wrenching and emotionally resonating analysis of her psyche. They inform Catra that the reason she is alone and abandoned, she pushes others away. The realization that her problems and loneliness are by her own doing combine with her guilt for betraying her allies Scorpia (Lauren Ash) and Entrapta (Christine Woods), leads Catra to an emotional breakdown.

Thee fifth and final season of She-Ra opens with Catra still plagued by loneliness and self-doubt. She starts to form a bond with Prime's captor Glimmer (Karen Fukuhara), seeing her guilt reflected by Glimmer's regret for trying to use the Heart of Etheria's power. Eventually, Catra learns about Adora's impending rescue attempt and the villainous Prime's plants to capture her once she arrives. Ultimately, all the feelings and circumstances surrounding Catra clash together as she remembers a childhood promise that she and Adora would always be friends. The revelation that she loves Adora finally causes Catra to turn and do "one good thing," protect Adora. She frees Glimmer to prevent Adora from walking into Prime's trap; thus, Catra becomes the Horde's prisoner.

Adora's character arch is much less tragic than Catra. The "frenemies" clash multiple times throughout the early seasons with an ever-shifting dynamic that hints at their intricate relationship and confused romantic feelings. But, at the end of season three, Catra's reckless plan against Adora almost leads to Eternia's destruction. As Catra taunts and blames Adora for her suffering, Adora seemingly ends their conflicted relationship, noting that Catra's misdeeds are all her own, "You made your choice, now live with it."

In the final season, Adora has lost the powers of She-Ra. But, she continues to charge into battle headfirst, exposing herself and her tendencies to put other's wellbeing before her own. This tactic mirrors why Adora left Catra's side in the first place all the way back in the first season. She places more importance on duty and service to others than herself and her friend. Later, while Adora, Bow (Marcus Scribner), and Entrapta are traveling towards Horde Prime, Catra sends a signal to their ship, apologizing for everything she has done while teleporting Glimmer to them. Adora decides that she cannot leave Catra behind, and the Best-Friend Squad hurries to rescue Catra from the Horde. Adora saves Catra not only from Prime's vile clutches but her loneliness too. Adora's exclamation "You matter to me" is a powerful and victorious moment, as the two friends turned enemies unite, and acknowledge their connection.

Unfortunately, even after the Adora and Catra are together again, conflict continues to rise between them and with themselves. Catra feels unlovable because of her past and so convinces herself that Adora will not accept her feelings. She continues to struggle with abandonment, especially when Adora willingly takes the responsibility of a suicide mission to destroy the Heart of Etheria, yelling, "It doesn't always have to be you." Sadly, Adora again abandons her, putting the good of everyone else above herself and Catra. Acknowledging that Adora, "Always sacrifices everything for everyone else," Catra runs away. However, upon realizing that Prime is moments away from taking control of the Heart and killing Adora, Shadow Weaver and her run to rescue the girl she loves.

As Adora journeys to the Heart, she sees and an illusion of Catra, envisioning that her friend meets her to approach the suicide mission together. Soon, Adora faces a vision of Mara (Zehra Fazal), the previous She-Ra, who tells her that she does not always need to sacrifice herself and is deserving of love too. She becomes trapped without her powers by a first-ones' guardian until Catra and Shadow Weaver save her. Telling Adora to go on, Catra stays to fight the beast in vain. Moments before destroying the Heart and herself, Adora finally chooses to return to Catra, to put Catra and her own happiness over her sense of duty.

As Adora and Catra approach the Heart, the former almost succumbs to Prime's power and has one final vision. Adora dreams of living a life in peace in Brightmoon alongside her friends, Glimmer and Bow, and with her loving, playful partner Catra by her side. In the apparent final moments before her death, Catra reaches out to Adora. At last, the two confess their love for each other and embrace in a momentous kiss, restoring She-Ra's power to Adora. Renewed in strength and standing beside her beloved, Adora finally destroys Horde Prime. The series ends as Adora and Catra plan to travel together and restore magic to the universe and fades to black as the couple prepares to take their next journey together.

as Adora and Catra plan to travel together and restore magic to the universe and fades to black as the couple prepares to take their next journey together.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power has always been a powerhouse of LGBTQ representation, especially the final season. For example, it heavily features former background characters and married couple Spinnerella and Netossa in leading roles, as Netossa attempts to recover her wife’s mind from Prime. However, the relationship between Catra and Adora is not only the series highlight but a revolutionary in LGBTQ representation in children's television.

LGBTQ history in children's media and cartoons is disappointingly brief and, at times, unpleasant. Early examples mostly featured coded queer characters with harmful and stereotypical traits, such as the Silver Spooner from Dexter's Laboratory. Some works were able to include less harmful depictions. Networks allowed characters like Richie from Static Shock, who is gay, to exist as long as their identity was kept extremely subtextual.

Slowly some more limited progress was made, and a few less offensive or hidden characters were permitted to appear in one-off and minor roles. Nelvana's Canadian animated sitcom, 6teen included many vague but most neutral references to homosexuality and eventually a one-off character Jean, who says that she is "gay" and has a girlfriend. Notably, this 2009-episode marks not only one of the first moments of a character confirming their sexuality but also using the word "gay." This feat is so rarely replicated even in LGBTQ family media that even giants like Steven Universe do not include it. Outside of pedantic educational programs on minor networks, it may be the only time someone said "the-G-word" in such media until 2019's Kippo and the Age of Wonderbeasts  (live-action sitcom Andi Mack on Disney Channel also used the term that year). Sadly, American showings cut 6Teen's references to homosexuality, and the episode featuring Jean never aired at all outside Canada.

When most people look back to the beginning of the recent small boom in cartoon LGBTQ representation, they point to The Legend of Korra. In 2014, the series finally ended with female leads Korra and Asami taking hands and going on a private vacation in the spirit world. The Korra moment set the LGBTQ fandom on fire. Even so, the show faced incredible resistance and backlash. After the final episode aired, creator Bryan Konietzko and Michael Dante DiMartino had to go online to confirm that the somewhat ambiguous finale indeed depicted a same-sex romance. They then began to face backlash from a section of the fandom who believed bringing this badass bisexual moment to television was only for fanservice or to forward an agenda.

The Legend of Korra was a revolution in modern children's television, putting cracks in the oppressive dam that kept such dynamics out of the limelight and slowly pushed back against the status quo, allowing for more LGBTQ representation. Now, over five years after Korra, numerous children's programs feature queer characters in minor and supporting roles, often more explicitly than Korra was able to do. The Loud House includes a main bisexual character, and there are queer characters and couples in multiple works, including but not limited to Gravity Falls, Adventure Time, and Craig of the Creek.

The most notable LGBTQ representation in a children's cartoon comes from Rebeca Sugar's incredible creation, Steven Universe. As with She-Ra, LGBTQ characters make up a large portion of the cast and it features several groundbreaking LGBTQ scenes, including the iconic wedding of Ruby and Sapphire.

Sadly, many of these works had to fight tooth and nail or suffer through horrific backlash because of their dedication to diversity. Alabama banned an episode of Arthur that featured a gay wedding, and the depiction of lesbian mothers in Clifford the Bid Red Dog caused some parents and organizations to speak out against it. Perhaps most famous of all, Rebecca Sugar had to struggle to put LGBTQ representation on the small screen. Ultimately, to make the wedding scene happen, Sugar had to lay everything on the table and was willing to see themselves separated from the show and have it end to bring their vision to life. Unfortunately, many other countries censor the show to remove LGBTQ content. Still, Sugar's tireless work has pushed the boundaries of LGBTQ representation in children's media so incredibly far, allowing shows like She-Ra to exist.

The recent rapid progress of LGBTQ representation becomes apparent when comparing She-Ra to the "originator," Korra. The series share similar themes and mutually place importance on diversity in its main cast. At the climax of both programs, two female main characters became romantic partners for the other. However, the differences are what truly sets them apart and highlights the progress representation has made. Back in 2014, holding hands and staring into each other's eyes was the most action Korra could feature.

However, a myriad of queer characters and identities perforate She-Ra, all of which are more apparent and obvious thanks to actions including kisses, confessions, and other actions. This difference is especially true in season five, where even the title cards feature Netossa and Spinnerella engaged in a passionate kiss. Of course, the main couple was permitted a full on-screen confession and kiss, as Catra and Adora locked lips in the final episode. Finally, many "critics" complained that Korra and Asami's relationship came out of nowhere, despite it progressing the show’s last two seasons. If one were to assert the same claim about She-Ra, they need to completely ignore how Stevenson built Adora and Catra's romantic relationship as a fundamental aspect of the show from the very start.

She-Ra's depiction of queer characters was deliberate, explicit, and incredible. Not only did LGBTQ side characters express their identities in a variety of ways, but the main couple also got to show their love with both words and a kiss. Furthermore, and perhaps even more importantly, the main couple in She-Ra got a happen ending and a future for them and the viewers to imagine and look towards with excitement. Sadly, many LGBTQ characters and couples do not get to experience such conclusions. For decades, queer relationships ended in tragedy, often with the death of one or more queer characters killed off as part of the "bury your gays" trope. Even if the characters live, narratives rarely provided a happy future for those with queer identities. Sadly, this trend is alive and well. Recent examples include Adam from Voltron: Legendary Defender and Annika and Neha from The Dragon Prince.

Stevenson actively set out to avoid this trope in She-Ra, telling the Los Angeles Times, "I can't see another gay character die on TV for the moment." Not only did she not kill Adora and Catra, or any of the show's other queer characters, she gave Adora and Catra, the two lesbian leads in love, a happy ending. The show even offers viewers and Adora a glimpse of one possible future for the couple in the final vision of domestic bliss in Brightmoon. Both Adora and Catra struggle and suffered greatly, but they were allowed a happy ending and the opportunity to look forward to a life together. For the two main characters of a children's cartoon to achieve such a fantastic ending in such an explicit way is a genuinely revolutionary moment of representation, proudly standing alongside defining scenes like and Ruby and Sapphire’s wedding in Steven Universe. Importantly, both shows are made by queer creators, showing young viewers that people like them can achieve and create great things and that there are those out there fighting for them. For these reasons, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power is one of the single most significant works of LGBTQ representation in children's media.

Queer representation in children's media matters so much, likely more than it does in any other medium. It normalizes LGBTQ identities for families and sends a powerful message to all LGBTQ children who may be feeling sad or alone or sacred: 'You are not alone, you matter, and you are accepted.' These words, implied with every positive depiction of queer identities, save so many children and young adults from unnecessary suffering and sometimes even saves lives. Noelle Stevenson and She-Ra will likely create giant waves in the medium just as Steven Universe did before it, and generations of queer people, myself included, wait with bated breath to see what results from it.

[addictedtostorytelling]

Personally, there's one subject I never "visit" in my head pertaining to GSR, and that's their divorce. I've always felt it was OOC and it was the one time TPTB screwed up. I've read you essay rationalizing it, and you've done a brilliant job, the best take on it I've read. I'd love to know- have you personally "accepted" it, eg do you believe that now that we've had (hopefully perpetual) happy ending for them, did divorce have a place to be at the time that it happened? Thanks very much!

hi, anon!

oh, god, not even a little have i accepted the divorce!

never will i.

it is by far my least favorite storyline of any on the whole show (and probably even of any of the shows i’ve ever watched), and episode 13x15 “forget me not” is, imo, one of the worst hours of television ever written—just a tire fire of a script.

though i’ve penned a rationalization of the divorce that begrudgingly tries to make sense of the canon, i will never believe it was the right move for the writers to have made and don’t think that my rationalization really works if we truly take into account how the characters actually would function, were they not being wielded by morons incorrectly.

grissom and sara, whose whole mo is “i literally cannot stay away from this person for long, even when i actively try to, as my love draws me to him/her like a super magnet and consistently, inevitably has done so for 15+ years now,” would never under any circumstances have chosen to live on separate continents from each other to begin with, so the entire premise for the divorce is a flawed one from the get-go.

the divorce was ooc, it was lazy, it was a bad-faith storytelling action, it was a poorly executed maneuver even for what it was trying to be, it was cruel to the fans, it was senseless for the characters, it was retrogressive for their developments, it was thematically indefensible given their histories*, it was narratively unnecessary, and ultimately it proved absolutely pointless since nothing about sara’s characterization or usage changed in its wake and it was eventually “undone” by the events of the original series finale anyway—to the point that the writers of the reboot could and did all but retcon it out of existence in csi: vegas s1.

* how could tptb possibly think it was okay, given sara’s backstory, to have the one person who had ever consistently loved her and who had become her touchstone and family and home abandon/reject her? how could they take away her happy ending that way and just act like it was nothing or even like it was fine for her? and especially when it would have been so easy for them simply not to do so? had they not been able to reverse the decision later on in “immortality” (i.e., had sara actually finished out the show alone, never having reconciled with grissom), the final message of her storyline would have been, “the girl who grew up believing that no one who fully knew her would ever love her forever and/or choose to stick around for her when things got hard was ultimately right to think that way,” which is just an egregiously shitty through-line; utterly cynical and mean.

* and don’t even get me started on why the divorce was thematically unforgiveable on grissom’s side of things, too. 

while there are many other reasons why i disdain the later seasons of the original csi, as well—personally, i think tptb screwed up a lot during those days—the divorce is one of the biggest reasons why i do.

not only did it not need to happen, but it should never have happened at all.

in my personal headcanon, i completely ignore it.

it is not a part of my mental schema for these characters at all.

and in fact, i go as far as to reject basically anything that happens from episode 09x10 “one to go” on—or even prior to sara leaving vegas in s8, if i’m honest.

so while some fans have come to accept the divorce, i can’t and won’t. given how i understand these characters and the beats and themes of their story, it just doesn’t make sense to me. there’s nothing good about it. nothing justified. nothing that rings even a little bit true.

i’m more than happy to pretend the whole shitshow of a story arc never happened at all.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[tryingmybestpls]

Do Me A Favour (Steve Rogers x Reader)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Steve Rogers seeks out his ex-teammate (and ex-fiancée) as he tries to gather the team in order to reverse Thanos’s actions, but she isn’t happy to see him. (Part 2, Part 3)

Rating: T

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: Swearing, that’s about it

Steve hadn't seen her in almost four years.

Y/N had left him and the rest of the team a year after the Snap. She didn't say goodbye to any of them, just gathered all of her things and disappeared into the night. Steve didn't realize she had left until he had came back to their shared apartment and saw that all of her things were gone. During those four years, she didn't reach out to him and if she was reaching out to anyone else on the team, they weren't telling him. It was like his teammate had disappeared off the face of the earth. He couldn't be too mad at her. Steve was the reason why she left.

Months after the Snap, he had proposed to her. She had been so excited and her happiness had rubbed off of him slightly. It seemed right, it felt right. Everyone kept telling them that it was about time they finally tied the knot. Yet, as time progressed and the severity of a post-Thanos world settled in, Steve wondered if this was actually a good idea. He didn't want to voice his worries to Y/N though. He missed seeing her this happy so Steve tried to tell himself that this nervousness would soon disappear.

Then the day of the wedding rolled around and Steve couldn't bring himself to drive to the church. His phone kept ringing as various members of the team called and texted him, trying to get a hold of him. As the start of wedding neared, Steve went down to the hall where he holds grief counseling and stayed there until the day ended. When he got back to the apartment, all of her things were gone. The only thing Y/N had left behind was her engagement ring and the wedding dress she had been wearing hours earlier.

Steve pulled up in front of the address that Natasha had given him, nervousness and guilt eating away at him. He was already confused when he pulled into the residential neighborhood, but the house he was currently parked in front of didn't help. Steve double checked and triple checked to make sure that the address was correct before he got out. He walked up the little stepping stones that lead to the cookie cutter house. She had told him that she never ever wanted to live in the suburbs, living in a house that was identical to the ones surrounded them. It was the perfect place for her to hide out.

Never in a thousand years did he think that Y/N would be living in a place like this. As he looked around, eyes landing on the carefully manicured lawn and the flowers planted in flower beds surrounding the house, he felt a sinking feeling in his gut. The thought of Y/N being married or even having children made him feel ill. Steve knew that he shouldn't feel like that at all. Y/N wasn't his, never truly ever was his. He was the one that had fucked up everything so he really shouldn't feel like this over the possibly of her being married. Steve looked up at the little cream colored two story house as he walked up the porch steps. There was a swing-like bench on one end, surrounded by various potted plants. It was all very...homey.

Steve tries his best to relax as he stands in front of the door. He swallows hard before ringing the doorbell and knocking on the the red door. Would Y/N still be pissed off at him? Most likely. She wasn't the type to forgive and forget, especially with what he did. Would she be even more pissed when she finds out he's here to try to get her to come back, to try to defeat Thanos? He was probably going back to the Compound in a body bag.

The front door opening ripped him out of his thoughts.

"What are you doing here?" Y/N asks, only peeking her head of the door. From what he could see of her, she looked good. Y/N always looked good, but the past four years have been good to her. In that last year after the snap, she lost her color. Sure, there would be times where she was happy, but as the wedding date neared and Steve continued to be distant, those moments of happiness were few and far between. Now, she looks happy, healthy. Well, she wasn't happy right now. Steve shifts slightly, looking around in her little neighborhood before looking at back at her. Y/N was glaring at him.

"Can I come in, Y/N? We need to talk." Steve tries and just as she opens her mouth, a child's head squeezes her way through the door and Y/N herself. Y/N's eyes widen and the color seems to drain from her face. Steve feels like he's been shot at the introduction of a child. What if she's moved on, had a family during this time? He would have no one to blame but himself.

"Mama, who's this?" The child asks, practically glaring at Steve. Like mother, like daughter. He didn't know that she had a kid. Natasha didn't tell him that there was a kid involved when she handed him the address, a sad look on the ex-Russian spy's face. Steve knew that she had wanted to go retrieve her friend, but someone had to get Clint. Now, he knew why she was so reluctant to hand over the address. Y/N never even mentioned that she'd ever want kids. She would always brush off the question when Steve would ask, immediately changing the subject. But then again, four years is a long time and people can change. The rest of their team surely did. Y/N muttered a curse under her breath, weighing her options in her mind. Steve is surprised when she opens the door a little more.

"Sarah, this is my coworker, Steve. Steve, this is my daughter Sarah." Y/N introduces them to each other, her hand moving to rest on the back of Sarah's head. The way she says "coworker" made Steve feel like shit, but then again, he does deserve it. He tries his best to ignore it and moves to squat in front of Sarah, smiling at the little girl. Her hair is pulled into two pigtails and she's wearing a black dress covered in white dinosaurs. Sarah is practically a carbon copy of Y/N, down to her hair and features. The only thing that's different about Sarah is her eyes. She has bright blue eyes that seem vaguely familiar, but Steve can't quite place them.

"Hi Sarah. It's nice to meet you." Steve tries, holding out his hand. The little girl moves to hide behind her mother, holding onto Y/N's leg. Steve's smile fades and he puts his hand down, moving to stand back up. Y/N doesn't even bother to look at him as she guides her daughter back into the house.

Steve is greeted by the evidence of her changed life. Children's toys litter the grey colored wood floors and pictures of mother and daughter cover the walls. Not a single picture of his teammate from anytime before the four years she's been gone, but there was pictures of members of the team and her. A picture of Natasha, Y/N, and Sarah here. A picture of Tony, Morgan, Y/N, and Sarah there. No evidence of any sort of father figure. The smell of pancakes and coffee hang in the air. This is a home.

Time travel and Thanos are a million miles from his mind now. All he could think about is that Y/N, the woman he was supposed to marry, has a child.

"No talking business around her. Please." Y/N announces as she walks further into the house, Sarah following hot on her heels. The blonde wonders if someone had tipped her off that someone from the team was coming or maybe she just knew him too well and knew that he wasn't here for personal reasons. Either way, Steve feels the immense tension hanging in between them and gives mother and daughter both a little space as he takes in the house. It looked almost normal.

"Of course." Steve replies as he follows them into the kitchen. Sarah is already sitting at the island, looking at him as her mother sets a plate down in front of her. Steve stands beside the fridge, leaning slightly on the wall. He doesn't know exactly what to do, everything feels awkward. Y/N has a kid. Y/N has a kid.

"Sarah, it isn't polite to stare. Now eat your breakfast." Y/N scolds softly, no anger present in her voice as she speaks to the child. Sarah turns her attention to her mom as she picks up her fork.

"I sorry, Mama. 'teve eat?" The little girl asks and Y/N glances at Steve, who is smiling at how the little girl pronounced his name. His smile melts away as soon as he meets Y/N's eyes Anger is still deeply etched into her face, no matter how much she tries to mask it.

"I'm okay, Sarah. Thank you for asking though." Steve quickly fills in and Sarah nods, seemingly pleased with his answer. Y/N crosses the room, moving past her old teammate to go over to the living room. She turns on the tv, switching the channel from the news to some cartoon. A distraction.

"Baby, Steve and I are going to my office, okay?  If you need anything, come get me." Y/N tells her daughter. Sarah just nods in response, her focusing going to the mess of bright colors and shapes on the television. Y/N motions her head for Steve to follow her as she walks out of the room and down the hall. She opens a door, flipping on a light. This is room is a sharp contrast to the rest of the home. It's cold and uninviting. Big, flat white cabinets line the walls, filled with God knows what. Steve wants to smile at her 'home office' because it's like she brought her weapons room from the Compound home with her.

But the look she is giving him keeps the smile off his face. Y/N's about to open her mouth, to question him no doubt, but Steve cannot help what flies out of his mouth. He just has to ask.

"Why didn't you tell me you had a kid, Y/N?" The Captain questions, his eyes softening as he looks at his ex-fiancée. Y/N leans against the table in the center of the room, crossing her arms over her chest. She no longer trying to mask her anger.

"You weren't in my life, Rogers. Why would I tell you that I had a child if we aren't speaking?" Y/N retorts, shrugging her shoulders like it wasn't a big deal. They both know that this is a huge, colossal deal. There's stomach acid in Steve's throat and he feels like he's going to throw up as he forces out his next question. He is dying to know, but he dreads the answer.

"Who-"

"Don't ask me that." Her voice is ice cold as she shakes her head, "Please, don't ask me that."

That's when it slowly starts to dawn on Steve. He swallows the bile down in his throat as he takes a step towards her. Her angry facade is cracking as tears brim her eyelids. Her carefully built world is crumbling down around her and there isn't a thing she could do about it.

"Y/N, how old is she? Just-Just tell me how old she is." Steve's practically begging as Y/N looks away. She's fiddling with the necklace she has on, moving the pendant side to side on the rose colored chain. It feels like an eternity before she decides to speak again.

"Three. Sarah-She's three." Y/N finally speaks, looking back at him. It's like Steve's heart shatters in his chest and he has to lean against the wall for support. Steve Rogers isn't as smart as the others on his team and math has never been his thing, but it doesn't take him long to do the math in his head.

"Were-Were you ever going to tell me?" Steve asks as Y/N chuckles drily. The smile that's on her face doesn't reach her eyes.

"Of course I was and then you left me at the altar. Forgive me for not wanting anything to do with after that." Her tone was full of bitterness as she looks at him, "I was going to tell you that day-God, I was so fucking excited and then you just didn't show up. That's when I realized your priorities were greatly skewed and that you didn't really care about me anymore."

"That-That's not true, Y/N." Steve starts and the woman scoffs.

"Really, Rogers? You weren't even fucking talking to me anymore. You only came to me when you wanted to relieve a little stress. Why you asked me to marry you is besides me." She snaps, her words full of poison, "I wasn't about to bring a kid into the mix."

"So what? You were just going to hide away here forever? Never tell me that I had a kid?" Steve responds, motioning to the door. He's clearly angry at the woman in front of him. Y/N chuckles.

"You know what hurt the most about you leaving me at the altar? You didn't even call. There was no "Hey babe, I realized I don't want to be bound to you by law, hope you understand!". Three fucking hours passed before I finally realized that you weren't coming. By then, Natasha had already hunted you down and saw that you were at one of your meetings, acting like you had nothing else to do that day." Y/N tells him as she runs a hand through her hair, "But sure, go ahead and be mad at me because I didn't tell you I was pregnant. Be mad because I left because you apparently did nothing wrong."

"Look I'm sorry-" A knock on the quickly cut him off. Y/N sent a glare his way before walking past him and opening the door. Steve watched as she squatted so she was at eye level with her-their daughter. Steve looked at Sarah, trying to memorize her face just in case this is the last time he sees her. Blue eyes that resemble his glance at him for a moment before they return to look at Y/N.

"Mama? Help?" Sarah asks, her outstretched hands covered in something sticky. The smile that Y/N gave the little girl made something rise in Steve's chest. Neither of them glance at Steve as Y/N leads her back towards the kitchen, leaving the Star Spangled Man With a Plan alone in the room. He did not know what to do with all of this information. Steve had a child, a daughter. A little girl who was fifty percent him and fifty percent Y/N. He knew he had fucked up, but didn't realize he had fucked up this bad. Steve was numb as he walked out of the pristine room, walking down a hall full of pictures of Y/N and their daughter. He leans against the wall as he watches the two of them.

"How did you get this sticky, baby? I gave you a fork." Y/N teases softly, lifting up Sarah so she can wash her hands in the sink. The little girl giggles and Steve thinks it's the best sound in the whole world.

"I sorry, Mama. 'ticky." Sarah responds, which makes Y/N laugh. Steve can't help but smile at the sight in front of him. His head quickly becomes filled with thoughts of "what if". It's not until he feels something tug on his hand, yanking him out of the various scenarios running through his head. Sarah's tiny hand is wrapped around two of his fingers. His heart swells in his chest and he suddenly understands why Tony was willing to give up everything for Pepper and Morgan. He wishes he had made the same decision.

"Go to park?" Sarah questions, looking up at him with those big blue eyes. Steve is at a loss for words and he looks up at Y/N for some sort of help. Y/N is still drying her hands off as she clears her throat.

"Sarah, I don't think Steve wants to go to the park with us. He has to go back to work." The woman tries, walking towards the two of them. Sarah looks disappointed, pouting and making a noise. Y/N glances at Steve, once more weighing the options in her mind.

"I-I have enough time. I'd love to go to the park with you-If your mom is okay with it." Steve responds and the little girl turns to look at her mom. Y/N's features soften and she nods.

-

"Tony called before you arrived. Said you're trying to create time travel." Y/N announces as they sit beside each other at the little park that was in her neighborhood. Sarah is running around, laughing loudly. Steve glances at the woman beside him. She knew why he had showed up on her porch but still had let him in. Y/N had every right to not let him in, to not even answer the door. Hell, she didn't have to tell him that Sarah was his, but she did.

"Yeah. Lang is pretty sure we can do it. We just need to get the team back together." Steve replies, to which Y/N just nods. Her eyes stay on Sarah, never letting the little girl out of her sight. Steve turns his head to look at his daughter, who is currently sliding down a slide as he continues, "But I understand if you don't want to. Things have...changed."

"If we have a chance to fix things, I want to be there." Y/N responds, fiddling with the necklace she was wearing. Worry was written all over her face and Steve regrets even coming out here try to get her to join them. Her eyes stay on Sarah as she runs around, "If something happens to me, you have to tell her dressed in the suit."

"W-Why?" He is confused at her request, but he wasn't going to tell her no. Steve doesn't even try to tell her that everything is going to be okay if she joins them. They both know the risks involved with their job and he'd be lying if he told her that this was going to be an easy mission. For the first time since they got to the park-Hell for the first time in four years, she turns to him and smiles.

"Because Sarah knows that her daddy is Captain America and she's been dying to meet him."

[friday-night-unknown]

Information undercut

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12(24) ▾ Sexless ▾ 01/01 ⌦ Tag: #un bf ⌦ Reference sheet

The World’s TRAITOR. A super-human artificially made in the lab to be part of humanity’s last resort against the Ć͢a̔͋̂t̡̉á́͒s̆̄͞t̾̈͝ro͞͞͠p̛̉͞h͈̉e͆̈̈́, but escape for his own entertainment. His lack of empathy unable him to understand why he should save this world from the Ć͢a̔͋̂t̡̉á́͒s̆̄͞t̾̈͝ro͞͞͠p̛̉͞h͈̉e͆̈̈́. Will kill without hesitation, but he has no mother to tell him not to taunt with his food. Heartless, but not quite evil. He’d save you if you are to his likings. Is here to live his life to the fullness and force everyone into a singing battle. If you can't sing, you die. 

Very insecure about his eyes, wears a shade to cover them. Will kill you if you even DARE to mention them.

19 ▾ Female/Male ▾ ??? ⌦ Tag: #un gf ⌦ Reference sheet (unavailable)

Is their name Ruby, or Rudy? Nobody knows, but BF001 keeps calling her ‘Girlfriend’.

She is the PLAYER. A girl dressed in red who comes from another WORLD, here in this world to explore all kinds of possibilities that HER FATHER prepared. She was stuck in a hopeless romance with a certain blue-haired boy, she yearned to enter the world and be in his embrace. Little does he knows, his love isn't what he expected. It was born out of lust and hatred, a twisted relationship, much like the Shepherd and the Lamb. 

 ❝ The outside world is hard and cold, come in here and you shall find home. ❞

27 ▾ Male ▾ 31/03 ⌦ Tag: #un pico ⌦ Reference sheet (unavailable)

Former SCIENTIST that was part of the scientist team that develops BF001. He initially grown to care for the boy as his own until he betrayed the world, leaving and throwing him into the pit of despair. All is gone in just one day, he is just UNLUCKY to be alive. Now trying his best to survive in this rotting world. 

Seems to have develop mild PTSD but refuses to admit it. Lost his glasses during Ć͢a̔͋̂t̡̉á́͒s̆̄͞t̾̈͝ro͞͞͠p̛̉͞h͈̉e͆̈̈́, has bad eyesight.

7 ▾ Sexless ▾ 06/06 ⌦ Tag: #un hex ⌦ Reference sheet ▾ Playlist

Everyone's best friend. A ROBOT created to replace someone who is dead. A rich family recently gone through the lost of a son and so they commissioned the CREATOR to build a robot as a part of therapy. However, È͛͘ȑ͛̽s̤̿ä̍͑̃t̒̌͝t̞͋ doesn't like his identity. He doesn't want everything he does is being 'coded' and instead believe everything he does is by his own will. Because of that, he greatly suffered from identity crisis, and still is finding out his true identity. No one treated him like a human being except the CREATOR and his assistant. Unlike your ordinary robot, he is coded to have FLAWS. Always wanted to have a REAL body instead of a metallic one. 

He has monophobia.

25 ▾ Male ▾ 25/03 ⌦ Tag: #un ruv ⌦ Reference sheet ▾ Playlist

Able to travel between timelines and alternate universe freely thanks to the left-over demon power by Sarvente. He is the HACKER, able to change the game codes on will. However, overusing the power will resulted in a state of withdrawal— coughing blood and flowers (a reference to Hanahaki Disease). It is a curse for him to bear. The flowers on his left eye is connected with Sarv's. His mortal body cannot comprehend with Sarvente's power, it is advised to not used much. He jumps from AU to AU, timelines to timelines; copying/stealing codes from other Sarvente to save his own — that including leaving the other Sarvente dead.

He is lactose intolerance.

Ageless ▾ Male ▾ 10/10 ⌦ Tag: #un whitty ⌦ Reference sheet

A ONE-WINGED ANGEL. Holds an immerse hatred towards demon and NEVER let him find out you are a demon. Lost his wing due to a contract, now he is stucked in the mortal realm because you cannot fly with just one wing. Determined to save this world. Extremely affectionate and protective to the person he cares for, but will never hesitate to break that friendship if you lied to him about your identity or betrayed him. 

Has three forms: Normal, Ballistic, ???. Weapon is a double-handed electric guitar LITERALLY made out of electricity.

85(17) ▾ Male ▾ 11/09 ⌦ Tag: #un senpai ⌦ Reference sheet (unavailable) ▾ Playlist

A famous TV HOST unquestionably died in the late 1950s. He has done so many shows, TV commercial and advertisement. Due to the Devil's contract he signed, he is doomed to trap in the virtual world. Extremely touch-starved and each day the urge to have a REAL body once more grows. He is known to drag people into the television, then God knows what he did with them, but they are never to be heard ever again. Possessed Hex for the body, as well as for the friendship, also work as his protector. A two-sided man, a jolly young man and a cries a lot, swears a lot. Was called 'Senpai' by Hex, but that wasn't his real name. For his real name has been forgotten. 

Uses a lot of 1950s slang. (boob tube e.g.)

7 ▾ Sexless ▾ 07/07 ⌦ Tag: #un tankmen (collectively) ⌦ Reference sheet (unavailable)

After BF001's escape, these SOLDIERS were created artificially in such a short time. Initially, they were just heartless soldiers following orders but slowly, they developed their own personalities due to the observation made on the scientist in the lab... including cock jokes. A team of 7 to save the world from the brink of death, however, they can only do so much.

Have an infinite amount of 'bodies' as their CODES are being made different, their ability to 'respawn' make them misunderstood the definition of DEATH until a small boy died by their hand and never come back. Unlike BF001, these soldiers grown to have empathy.

30 ▾ Male body▾ 07/05 ⌦ Tag: #un lemon ⌦ Reference sheet (unavailable)

A MONSTER born from the Ć͢a̔͋̂t̡̉á́͒s̆̄͞t̾̈͝ro͞͞͠p̛̉͞h͈̉e͆̈̈́. With no memory nor identity, he roamed the earth aimlessly. Heavily in denial he has become a D҈e҈m҈k҈n҈. He only wish others to stay away from him so they do not get hurt. However, two children seems to acknowledge his human part instead.

He's 13'3ft tall. He has hunger pangs where he'll go frenzy to clench his hunger. 

Ageless ▾ Male ▾ 17/04 ⌦ Tag: #un updike ⌦ Reference sheet (unavailable)

A POWER ANGEL responsible for the world's peace and fends off evil demons. However, great POWER comes with great RESPONSIBILITY... ... as well as REGRETS. He believes in his words but he doesn't believe in his own. All he ever wants is to bring back an old friend and live how it was supposed to be. He descended from the sky and search through the mountains and sea, only to be engaged in a fight to the death by his dear friend. Oh lord, will he have his happy ending? 

 The sound of water calms him down.

Ageless ▾ Male ▾ None ⌦ Tag: #un garcello ⌦ Reference sheet (unavailable)

The DEATH for he who controls life and death of all living beings. May his body be immortal but his mind is not. Memories don't last forever, and as time goes by, he found himself forgotten a few IMPORTANT things... Especially the reason why he decided to take on this particular human form. 

 In the eyes of death, NOTHING lasts forever. He had given up trying to build a friendship, as it'll only bring more heartbreaks. He learn to seclude and isolate himself as to not get himself hurt. 

 Love... ... what a convincing illusion.

More to come.

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[okskz]

Overworked.

Mia + Elsy & Stray Kids

mia’s body can’t take how much she’s been overworking herself causing her a trip to the hospital where she is met with chan and soon after, changbin.

this is a part two of elsy’s post “rest up” but with mia’s pov. hope you guys enjoy! and please feel free to leave some feedback because it is always appreciated!

[9th Member of Stray Kids]

Right from the start of the performance, Mia could already sense she wasn’t feeling too well. But of course, she had decided to let it slide, knowing it couldn’t have been anything major. And the last thing she wanted, was having to miss out on performing, especially in her halloween costume. Mia knew it was going to be a fun stage.

But in the middle of the performance, that’s when she began feeling her body go low, as well as feeling herself get hot. And the costume was definitely not helping her one bit. In fact, it was making her feel worse.

Mia felt herself shutting down as soon as the performance was over and once exiting the stage she checked her face, feeling is super warm.

“That was a fun stage!” She heard Elsy tell her. The girl looked back at Mia but the younger girl gave her a blank face expression. “Hey, are you okay?” She questioned.

Mia nodded her head slowly. Elsy stood by her side all the way until they reached the dressing room. And that’s when Mia’s body couldn’t take it anymore, because as soon as she stepped in, the girl collapsed on the floor.

“Mia!”

***

Chan heard his phone go off before he grabbed it to check the caller ID. And he almost felt his heart coming right out of his chest from seeing Elsy’s name show up. Swallowing hard, he answered her, bringing the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“Bang Chan. I don’t want to freak you out, but just to let you know, we’re heading to the hospital. Mia passed out.”

Chan’s eyes grew wide from hearing the news as he began to worry for Mia. “Oh my god. Is she okay? I’ll meet you guys there.”

From the living room, the boy’s ears perked up from hearing Chan’s words and it was Changbin who quickly walked towards the older boy. After seeing Chan hang up the phone, Changbin quickly asked. “What’s wrong with Mia?” He asked worriedly.

“She passed out.” He answered him. “So we need to go to the hospital right now.”

Changbin felt his heart sink down. This was the last thing he wanted to hear and right then in there he wanted nothing more than to run to Mia and make sure she was okay.

All of them rushed to the hospital, trying to ge there as quickly as possible. And once they did, they were stopped by a nurse who was a bit intimidated by the large group of boys who came rushing in. “Hello may I help you?”

“We’re looking for a girl named Mia, she came in not too long ago.” Chan answered.

“Ah yes, she’s going to be on the third floor.” She said. “But, I’m afraid all of you cannot go. There’s too many of you so only one can go.” She informed them before they began to leave.

“I’ll go.” Changbin said.

“No.” Chan. “I think it’s best if I go. So Elsy can tell me eveything.”

“No, I should go. I want to see Mia.”

“I think Chan-hyung should be the one to go.” Jisung cut in. “Since he’s the one who knows Elsy the most.” He said.

Everyone nodded at Jisung, leaving Changbin in defeat. He didn’t want to cause a scene, so he let Chan take the lead by being the one to go see Mia first.

But he knew he had to see her one way or another.

After the doctore had explained everything to Mia, she was brought some hospital food in which didn’t look quite appetizing for her. So she only took small bites from it and took some sips of her water. That’s when she heard the door to her room knock and saw Elsy enter with Chan right behind her.

“Hey, you two.”

“How are you feeling?” Chan questioned.

Mia sighed as she pushed the tray of food away. “A lot better. But this hospital food is kinda gross.” She said, making a disgusted face.

“The doctor said you need to eat though.” Elsy chuckled. “Have you not been eating?”

“I have.” Mia answered. “Just haven’t had a proper meal.”

“What else was wrong?”

“She was overheated and her body was tired.” Elsy answered. “But the doctor said she would be okay.”

Mia sighed. “I guess with having a comeback and going straight into this project got to me.”

Elsy had asked Mia if she wanted to stop promotions for the younger girl to rest in which she had declined quickly. Mia was having fun nonetheless with this project and she didn’t want to stop now until they were officially over. Mia knew she could survive the next couple of weeks, she just needed to look after herself better so an incident like this wouldn’t happen again.

And after Chan and Elsy had said their goodbyess to Mia, she was left all alone again in the room, Elsy telling her to get some rest. But Mia decided to pass her time on her phone.

And it wasn’t until a couple of minutes after that Chan and Elsy had left, she heard knocks on the door again. She thought it would have been Elsy but was surprised to see Changbin when he slowly poked his head inside. Mia tried to stay calm but she could feel her heart racing from seeing him.

“Hey you.” Changbin said, entering the room. He had a bag of McDonald’s in his hand.

Mia softly smiled at him. “Hello to you too.”

“You look horrible.” He snorted.

Mia’s smile dropped from her face as she began glaring at Changbin who began laughing out loud, causing the girl to chuckle a little. “Thank you for the compliment.”

“Are you doing okay? I was a bit worried.”

Mia nodded, heart slowly thumping from hearing his words. At least she knew he still cared for her. “I’m okay now.”

“Leader told us you thought the food here was gross, so I got you something.” He smiled, bringing up the bag of fast food into view. Mia’s eyes widened in happiness, grasping the bag out of his hand and began going through it.

“Oh yes, so much better than this prison food.” Mia laughed. She looked up at him and smiled. “Thank you, I was so hungry.”

“Eat up.” Changbin said. He grabbed one of the chairs and brought close to Mia’s bed, sitting down on it as Mia munched on her food.

He turned on the television to watch something interesting the two could watch. Although Mia was eating and tried to focus on the television, the back of her mind went to Changbin. For once they were acting normal towards each other and Mia seemed to like it a lot. She was happy that he was there to give her company, and it was a nice moment she was enjoying, leaving the break up in the past.

Obviously she knew that once it came down to it, they needed to talk on how their future would look, but right now, she just wanted him to stay there with her for as long as he could.

“Do you know when you’ll get out?” He asked.

“Tomorrow morning. They want to keep me here just took look after me for a bit and then I should be good to go.” She replied. She got one of her fries and turned her attention to Changbin, feeding it to him.

The two smiled at each other and it was at that moment that Changbin wanted to drop everything to have Mia back in his arms. But he fought the urge to do it. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to make things worse between them.

After finishing her food, Mia laid back in the bed, watching the television with Changbin when she felt her eyes getting heavy. It definitely didn’t help when feeling Changbin grab her hand and began rubbing the back of it with his thumb.

And once Mia was fully asleep, Changbin had grabbed his jacket and looked over at Mia once more. Without thinking, the boy went down to kiss her forehead before exiting the room.

[sanstropfremir]

Okay, time for my weekly rant so buckle up. The vocal stages were okay-I cant really remember them well because I watched them only once so take what I say with a grain of salt. Well I watched the Spark one once and I only got through half of the other one because I can’t stand ballads especially when there’s no interesting movement on stage to keep me engaged. Like it’s no fault of the members themselves or the song (I actually think their singing was incredibly beautiful and Eunkwang always sings like his wife just left him with the kids which is how you know he’s good) but I physically could not pay attention. That’s why I liked the spark stage a bit better-there was enough movement that I was able to focus on it. I really liked the use of the fire and the way they were walking in and out of the frame trading off parts so there weren’t too many awkward moments where the other members where on stage but not doing anything. The opening was gorgeous with each members being lit by the spotlight as they harmonize. So stagewise, I prefer Spark but vocally I think the other group was stronger. I love Spark and Taeyon is such an incredible vocalist (I mean the song is great because of her) so I don’t get why their delivery was, I don’t want to say weak, but subdued might be a better word. The only one that really stood out was Junhoe (but also that man couldn’t not stand out even if he tried, not with that incredibly rasp) and even he seemed to be holding himself back a bit. Though it was a bit slow it built up well to the two last choruses but still the first half could have been stronger. I know they were trying to draw it out to a strong pay off but I don’t really know if it was enough. And yes the suits were *chef’s kiss*. I think at this point in their career the FNC stylist has put SF9 in so many suits they’ve got it down to a science. Also I’m a sucker for those shirts with the triangle cut out and we got not one but two of them here.

Okay moving on, I’m not sure which group was next but I’ll talk about the Ikon stage. It seems like they finally realized that they’re on a performance based competition show so they decided to pull out the big guns. Love the little skit at the beginning (making sure people don’t forget that they’re YG), it was cute and refreshing. I really appreciated how they leaned into the campy acting in this stage (Stray kids did it too-just adding to the similarities between their stages). The song was meh but I also don’t really like BP especially not their recent stuff so it’s not a big deal. I would have preferred if they had gone with another song maybe Whistle or As If It’s Your Last or if they’d done a 2NE1 song like Chanwoo mentioned some point in the episode. I also think the stage would have been way smoother if they’d let Ikon and Lisa interact. Like if the boys appeared in her set after her section and then they all moved back to the first jungle set and then the whole thing turns gold and they did a dramatic outfit change (but with better jackets because theirs look like they came out of Party City). I also get what you mean about the dancers outfits not being that great. I actually really liked the outfits of Lisa’s dancers in isolation but they didn’t match with her or the set so they threw me off a bit. At least with the ikon members they were going for a modern look so the dancers outfits didn’t look that strange in comparison. Do you think it would have been better if they were white? How would you have improved then? The best way I can describe this performance was that it was a stage, stuff happened, I enjoyed myself but I don’t plan to revisit it anytime soon. Oh and we also have to give points for them cursing on national television not once but twice (at this point Jinwan deserves to say fuck).

Now to Stray Kids. So I feel like I need to preface this with the fact that I am actually a stray kids fan (I won’t call myself a stay because I don’t associate with the fandom) and though I’ve been really critical of them and their stages tend to be my least favorite I still have a soft spot for them (I got into this show because of them after all). I loved, loved, loved the intro with Felix (and yes his biggest flaw is that he’s Australian but I forgive him for it) and the way it immediately transitions into the chorus of DDD-the abrupt transition does fit really well with the Deadpool theme and I guess it is the closest they’re going to get to the feeling of yeeting themselves into traffic like in the movie. Interesting choice to start with the chorus. Now that I’m rewatching it I do really wish they stuck with the comic theme. I think that’s my gripe with SKZ-they have a lot of good ideas but they move on too quickly from them. Just pick a handful of things and sprinkle them throughout instead of cycling through them at breakneck speed. Like okay they’re doing Deadpool and he’s a comic character so keep the comic styling (it would have been a good thing to put in the projection behind Seungmin’s scene), maybe in the subway they could have had some fight choreo so the guns coming in at Lee Knows part aren’t out of nowhere (also someone please tell me they were trying to recreate the meme with the cat and the knives, please I need to know). I absolutely agree that them having a goal or an antagonist would have really helped the story along. I mean they literally have a spoken intro so why couldn’t Felix just tell us who they were fighting (and I’m pretty sure in the movie Wade tells us he’s trying to kill Francis in that scene sooo). As always they put more focus on the rappers (please can we get less Changbin and more Seungmin, Jeongin, or Lee Know or at least give Felix more parts). Seungmin was the real mvp of this stage and he had the best outfit (I think it qualifies for Hanya’s best gay little outfit list). Personally I with they hadn’t gone with Gods Menu again. I’ve been hoping that they would perform My Pace (and maybe remix it with their B-side TA off their Go Live album) because that would be such a fun stage. Again, I enjoyed myself but I won’t revisit it anytime soon. At this point the only groups I actually look forward to are BTOB and SF9 (they’re doing fucking Move and I don’t know whether to be excited or terrified-there’s a clip of Taeyang covering Move from a variety show or interview and I think he does it really well so I know at least one of them can pull it off). Again thanks for creating space where I can info dump and I hope I said something of interest to you!

i think you wrote more than me!! i love this, im gonna put my response under a cut im not being super obnoxious on the dash.

i get that the mayfly stage would be not as visually stimulating for people and usually i would count myself in with that crowd because i love a good spectacle but i think because i watched the spark stage first and my colour perception is sometimes weird so when there's a lot of movement with very little colour variation my tiny pea brain loses track of whats happening really quickly. especially with red. so it was kind of difficult for me to pay attention to the spark stage in the second half. also i absolutely HATE watching people flub on stage because it brings up such visceral secondhand feelings that i couldn't even watch the stage when i started the full episode today.

i love a good suit but you know what i would also love: sf9 in more costume variations. tbh im just getting nitpicky about it because im a costume designer down to the core and i got trained by a designer who specialized in doing avant garde costuming so i tend to skew more towards wild than reserved. it looks like the move stage wont be be suits so ill take it, but oh man to do i want to see some really crazy stuff. which i know they'll never do because idols have to be pretty at all times or the fans get mad but oh i want it so badly.

do you mean how i would improve ikon's backup dancers outfits or lisa's? here why dont i do both. for lisa's dancers i would have just done away with that harness shape all together, its almost exclusively a military style. the jackets by themselves would have been fine but really what they should have done was put them in something that matched the gold but contrasted enough to give them shape. by having at least her dancers in all black on a gold stage there was a lot of "haha look at me do a duck walk because lets throw in some voguing for spice." they could have gone with a mesh bodysuit idea similar to what she was wearing or even just different colour coats. as for ikon's backup dancers, firstly pants. not black. or even a longer skirt. genuinely a part of the reason why i dont watch girl group content is because i HATE the hem length of the shorts they make everyone wear. words cannot describe how much i hate that cut. kpop is so obsessed with showing off women's bodies and especially their legs but they do it in the LEAST flattering way possible because it "can't be too risqué," just shoot me now. i hate it. i hate it so fucking much. yea yea everybody was on cocaine in the 80s whatever but at least they were all wearing french cut bodysuits so their legs looked fantastic. stop interrupting the lines!! anyways. pants so the only section of skin showing is thigh to mid calf, especially because they weren't even doing any fun legwork! if they really wanted to keep the full sleeve bodysuits they shout have done them in a fabric with a texture or external embellishments, like a patent/vinyl or sequins/rhinestones. something to catch the stage lights so we can actually see the shape of the limb. but the easiest way to fix it is literally just cut the arms off the bodysuits. stages are lit to show off skin, sometimes the best way to have something be seen is just to have it bare.

i agreed skz cycles through ideas way too fast, they need to just pick a couple and stick them out through the stage instead of just adding more and more different ones throughout. also ok good someone else noticed that there is just...so much changbin. we don't need that much changbin. i know there's other boys in the group let them do something! also im pretty sure theyre not recreating the cat knife meme but actually the promo image from john wick chapter two, which i also could have sworn i saw a deadpool version of as an instagram ad back when movies were happening, but now that im looking for it it doesn't exist so i might be crazy.

im excited for the move stage but im also trepidatious because...its move. i have NO clue what the concept is from the previews so i just hope its weird enough to take it enough out of the taemin context for me to enjoy it.

[darkbearobservation]

May I request TFP Autobots and Hellboy (Movies) Crossover imagines? Can you especially emphasize on their first meeting and what they think of each other? Preferably post canon in TFP. Thank you bunches!

Ohh yeah! It came out very long, but I just loved the idea! I really enjoyed writing this.

Words: 1,709

----- "Ratchet, you called me, what happened?" Optimus asked, approaching his old friend. "I recently detected Decepticon activity." He replied, not bothering to turn his helmet towards Optimus. "Where specifically." "On Mont Maudit, specifically on a mountain in the Alps, on the border line between France and Italy." He typed in his digits, showing the location. "They must have found energon there." Optimus fell silent. Then he looked at the screen. "Is the group of Decepticons large?" "No Optimus, it's small." “Okay, so Ratchet, Arcee, Smokescreen and I are going to investigate, get the bridge ready.” He spoke and walked away. “Whatever you say, Optimus.” --- “On the Mont Maudit? And what had we forgotten there?” Hellboy asked, settling into the plane's seat. "The reports said that the villagers in this area complained about balls of lights stalking their homes, beings that come out of the water and then disappear, little men who leave their crops and livestock a disaster." Abe sat down facing Hellboy, putting his report folder and some papers on top of it. "Mont Maudit is popular for legends of witches, gnomes, ghosts, demons, saints, and monsters in general." “I think I have read or heard a legend from this area that, thanks to someone, the beings were trapped in the snow and since then they cannot leave. So they became more aggressive in recent decades." Liz approached in the seats, standing on tiptoe and putting her luggage in a closet. She then joined Hellboy and Abe, sitting next to Red. “Wow, this will be fun.” Sarcastically he murmured, lighting his cigarette. --- "Oh my God! May I accompany you?!” “Miko, no.” Arcee stepped aside, approaching Ratchet. "But whyyyyy????" She whimpered annoyed. "You bring a lot of problems." Ratchet snapped with venom. "Me? Bring problems? What's going, I don't even do it!” She raised her lower lip, offended. No one answered Miko's answer, nor did they flinch at looking at her! She felt sunken and sad... Until she saw Smokescreen. A sly smile appeared on her face. “Hey! You!" She murmured, waving her hand at him to come closer. Smokescreen looked to his sides, and put his digit on his chassis, making a movement on his nonexistent lips, saying "Me?" “Yes you Smokescreen! Come here." She waved her hand more. Smokescreen approached the Asian girl, Miko waved her hand more so that he leaned, he did. "Hey Smokescreen, Optimus and Arcee are going to make a patrol in the area that I want to visit, but they won't let me!" She got dramatic, closing her eyes, wrinkling her face, and placed the palm of her hand on her chest, concealing pain. “My parents had promised to take me there before, but their jobs broke our plans! Please Smokescreen, please! It's my dream!" Her eyes filled with tears. Smokescreen pulled away with shook, not knowing what to do. "What should I do?" The young autobot asked himself. "It is her desire for him after all, nothing will happen if I take her on this patrol, right?" He questioned himself. Seeing the poor blushing little face of her crying with puffy eyes, he had no choice to accept. Miko was glad in the outside, smiling, but internally she had fireworks of joy. It always works playing with feelings, right?

--- "It's good here." "The temperature is -18ºC, damn you red demon." Trembling, an old local man, surrounded by the old man, complained, leading them to a cave, where supposedly balls of light had been reported entering and leaving, that is, witches. "It's supposed to be here." Abe grabbed closer to his leather jacket. "Is there anything else that has been reported in this cave?" “I heard from some mischievous children talking about alien robots, who go in and out of this cave. But surely it is their imagination, since lately the children had become obsessed with a series of television on animated science fiction, I had seen several series, only technology is present there. » "Anything else?" "No." “Okay then, we will camp outside the cave. We will wait until night to hunt down the monsters.” --- “Arcee, you will check the western part of the mountain, Smokescreen, the eastern part. I will review the South and the North. If you detect the cave, warn on the communication radio.” "Got it Optimus." Arcee spoke. "Perfect then, see ya." Smokescreen walked away from his group. After he had walked enough, he opened his chassis. From it came Miko, panting. “I was suffocating from the unbearable smell ! When was the last time you had a bath?!” "I don't remember having bathed..." "You are disgusting!" "Do you want me to remove you from my chassis and carry you in my hand?" Miko began to tremble from the cold air. She lowered her gaze and breathed out. "Perfect then." Smokescreen laughed. They walked only ten minutes until Miko spoke in an annoyed tone of voice. "I am dying of cold." She curled up and tensed from the cold, trying to keep her body warm. Smokescreen quickened its pace. Before long they found a cave. “It must be this cave.” “Let's get in then! Or I will die of hypothermia” --- “Look, there are the skulls of some infants.” He touched a small skull with his boot to verify his statement. "Horrible." Liz wrinkled her face. "I forgot to mention that some babies had disappeared in the past two weeks." "Were they baptized?" Abe asked. "We don't have churches in our town, and if we want to baptize the newborn, we must come down from the mountains, something uncomfortable and difficult for us, that's why we just don't do it." "Are you atheists?" Hellboy hit the skull aside. "I would say that most do, but there are some who are Gnostics, nothing more." The older man shrugged. “Red, Liz, we'll have to climb to get to the witches' nest.” Abe pointed his fine finger at a cave that was almost on the ceiling.

--- "It's still cold in the cave." Miko trembled, holding her arms and rubbing them, trying to increase the heat. "Do you want to stay in my stinking chassis?" His smile widened from "ear to ear". The teenager frowned and put her lips in a fine line. Smokescreen just laughed softly. They advanced, until they heard a scream. They stopped. "Surely it is the wind." Miko argued. "Wind?" "Yes, I heard from Raf saying that in the caves, as there are many holes there or something that the wind upon entering produced sound-" Without finishing her sentence they heard another scream. Then another, another, and another. The screams were agony, some were higher than the others. Without a doubt, Miko's theory was momentarily rejected by the two friends, and they cautiously made their way to the source where the screaming was. Miko noticed that the temperature in the cave started to rise, surprisingly. As they turned a corner to the right, they noticed two "hallways". They stood between them and tried to identify which of these "hallways" the screams came from. "Left." Smokescreen claimed. "Left." The Asian girl agreed with her friend and nodded. The two entered the left "hallways". The screaming stopped, but they were more certain that they were reaching their destination, they trusted this. “Damn witches, they started to breed like rabbits!” A deep voice screamed in displeasure. "Stinky." A female voice spoke, but in a disgusted tone of voice. “Witches?” Miko questioned herself mentally. But her curiosity forced her to run towards the voices, which made Smokescreen gasp in surprise when she realized that she was very close to the entrance of a smaller cave than the previous ones. Smokescreen's ultimate terror was when she turned abruptly toward the cave entrance. He had to risk and run, making noise and tremors on the floor. What if it was Soundwave? Turning, he found this image: there were corpses all over the small cave, the blood was scattered on the ground, some "witches" that he thought they were, had some extermination ripped out, but they were few. But most of it was that their heads were exploded, as if a bomb had been put in their mouths. He encountered two humans, a man with wrinkles on her face and a woman with short hair. They had also... What were they honestly? A red human with severed horns and a blue humanoid? Were they other rare human races? The human with the wrinkled face dropped his weapon and fell to the ground, and the red man opened his mouth and dropped the cigarette he smoked. “Holly molly...” Red muttered. "Oh dear..." Abe muttered. "Oh God..." Liz murmured in unison with the old man. They were all in awkward silence. Miko gasped and her eyes lit up. "Did you guys do it?!?!? This is amaizing!!!!” Everyone was left with confused faces upon hearing the teenage girl's words. --- "Miko, you will never go out on a patrol with us, never." Angry Arcee spoke. "And I don't regret doing it." She sat on the sofa in a huge fur jacket and snuggled into it, pulling out her mobile phone and staring obsessively look at it. “Raf, look.” She approached the boy with glasses to show his photo in his eyes. "We had encountered with nonhumans." Raf adjusted his glasses and narrowed his eyes. "Were you in a city?" "No! We had found them in the cave! They killed witches! Look!" Show other photos. One of them showed Hellboy holding the head of a witch kissing her passionately. Raf wrinkled his nose. “Don't make up stories to get attention, Miko.” Jack spoke from his computer, finishing his homework. "Do not criticize! You haven't even seen the photos!” “Can I look, Miko?” The leader of the autobots approached the sofa. "Of course!" She got up from the sofa, dragging the fur jacket in her path. The photos looked friendly, first were some selfies of her and people outside of him, then came some funny photos of them doing silly things with the corpses, such as Hellboy dancing tango with one. “Also I asked for their phone numbers and they were so nice to give them to me. I also gave them mine so we can stay in contact.” Miko boasted. "YOU GAVE THEM WHAT?!?!" Ratchet yelled.

[p-jiminaa]

Play Date (Part 2)

Park Jimin and You.

Summary: It’s all started with a WhatsApp status.

Genre: Fluff, fluff, fluff, and little angst towards the end.

Gif is not mine, credit to the owner.

Masterlist

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

Jimin had been texting and calling you when you did not respond to either his calls or texts and it's started since you got into the car actually. And when you see 25 miscalled and 60 texts the last one being ‘CALL ME ASAP’ from him you decided to call him back. Not that you intentionally ignore him, but since your father caught you escaping your ballet practice he sent you there which surprised you because you thought you’ll be listening to his chattering.

“Are you okay?” He answered your call after three rings. He worries so much about you that he could not hide his panicked voice over the phone.

You hummed. “Did he hurt you?” He asks again. 

You laugh at that. “He’s my father Jimin. No matter how mad he is at me, he never hit me.”

“Then why does it took you so long to call or answer any of my text?” He asks again, sounding angry. Well, you're in your ballet class for two hours so of course, he would be worry.

“He sent me to the ballet studio and I am in practice for the past two hours. I am sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you.” You explain slowly.

You heard him letting out a sigh of relief. “Thank God! I thought...”

“Nothing going to happens, please don’t worry about me.” You assured him.

“But he looks so furious.”

“That just his appearance.”

Silence engulfs both of you after that. But you heard some commotion on Jimin’s side and you recognized the background voices.

“Is that Jungkook and Taehyung?”

He laughs. “Yeah. They are busy choosing which girl is hotter on the television.”

“Asks them to find a date. Then their attention will be on that person only.”

“I know right. Just like me.” He said proudly. You can imagine his smug expression after saying this.

“Yeah. Casie seems fine.” You teased him.

“She’s my presentation partner.” He answers you instantly.

“Doesn’t seem like it.”

“Y/n...”

“Can you fetch me up? Father told me he’ll be away and his concubine is not home.”

“Okay. Now?”

“Yes.” You say shortly.

“Okay, Girlfriend. And Y/n...” you hummed. “I know you’re hiding something from me. You can talk to me about it. But I am not going to force you. Okay?” He explained. It’s so good how someone can understand or feel that you’re actually having trouble even before you tell them.

You smile. “Thank You, Jimin.”

“Okay. I really need to hang up. Don’t want my girlfriend waiting for me.” He says happily.

“Pabo!”

“And you’re dating this Pabo.” You rolled your eyes to his statement.

***

Jimin’s facial expression turns to sorrow when his eyes landed on your cheek. “You told me he didn’t hit you.” He said angrily. His happy demeanor changed drastically when you got into his car.

“I am okay.”

“But this is too much!” He says, turning to you, eyes scanning your red cheek and touching it softly. You winced when his hand touched the red mark.

Letting out a breath you tell him. “It’s not him Jimin.” You paused briefly, gnawing your lower lips contemplating if you should tell him or no.

“It’s his concubine? I am going to kill that wo...”

“It’s my mother.” You abruptly interrupt him.

“Wh.. what?” Shocked covered his expression.

“My father called her telling how bad I am acting lately. How I missed my ballet practice and how I went out without his permission and he put the blame on my mother who should be the one taking care of me, not him.” You feel your lips quiver after explaining that to him and you cannot hide your glassy eyes from him.

“Oh Y/n...” he says as he pulled your body to him. “I am so sorry. This all happened because of me.”

“It’s not your fault. I’ve been like this even before I know you.”

You feel how he patted your back, calming you down.

“It’s really hard to continue living to remember how unwanted you are in this world.” You said finally. It feels like a burden has been lifted that you finally say the words but you say it to the wrong person. He should not be the one who hears this from you, it should be them, your parents.

“Don’t say that.” He tightened his hold on you. “You have me. You have us. You’re loved by us. So never ever feel unwanted.”

“I know.” You said with a cracked voice, unable to hide your sadness.

You both stayed in that position for a few minutes and Jimin keeps on calming you by patting your back softly.

*** “Can I sleep at your place tonight?” You saw how hard it is for him to cover his changed demeanor when you asked him the question.

Understanding the situation, realizing that you’re not more than his ‘play-date’ you hit his shoulder playfully.

“I am joking. Relax.” You say as you fastened the seat belt. But you wish you were because you're not. The last you wanted right now is to be under the same roof to someone who feels burden by your existence.

“N..not that I don’t want you at the dor...”

“Jimin, it’s fine. Now send me back please.” You said reassuringly. You forgot that before this ‘play-date’ started, a woman unknown by you is a frequent visitor at his home. Not that he did that every day, but you remember how you found or meet girl on your way to their dorm or you can say house especially if it’s during the weekend and you forgot that today is Saturday. Jimin is actually living at a two-story house outside the campus with his other six friends. They rent is paid by them equally and they usually have a party on Sunday night. Well, it's not every weekend though but it is a frequent thingy for them.

When he drives you home, you never say any words, and he kind of distracted too so you decided to stay quiet. But when you feel the car stop you see that you have arrived.

“Thank you for the ride Jimin.” You say, unbuckling your seatbelt.

“Hey...” he said, pausing you who were about to get off from the car. “Let’s just go back to my place.” He blurted out suddenly.

Is this man for real? “It’s fine Jimin. I forgot that today is Saturday and you usually have a party.”

“I... I stop attending the party since I asked you to be my date.”

His sudden confession caught you off guard.

“Why?”

“Because I just want to be with you. I know I told you about how I am not ready for a commitment but I am trying. So that ...”

“So that it’ll hurt me less if you decided to stop all of this?”

“Wait... no. I am just...” As if he realized your words, you saw how his eyebrows quirked upwards. “So you’re thinking of stopping?”

Isn’t this temporary? “What about you?” You challenged him. You need to know his thought on this. If he thinks that all of this playdate is just a kind of thing that he wanted to do because he’s bored, then you’re not going to do it.

“I... I don’t know.”

“I am going to be honest here. I like you and I am not going to lie that every action of yours did not flatter me because it did. I love how you take care of me, I especially love how you‘re so straightforward to me about your feelings. I know it’s just a matter of the heart and I am not going to force you for anything. But Jimin, please promise me one thing. If you ever think that all of this should stop and you finally realized that you don’t want me anymore, tell me in a very gentle way.” So it'll hurt me less. You say the last one to yourself.

Although frown covered his face, you know he understands by your words. Slowly, you saw how he nodded his head. “But I promise I’ll never let you down Y/n.”

“We’ll see about that.” You send him a wink before you got off his car. When you reached your room, Jimin sent you a text which does not really surprise you.

I know your parents mistreated you a lot and that why you have trust issues. But Y/n, you need to know that not everyone is annoyed or upset at you. Some love you so much more than you love yourself like how I love you more than I love myself. I am so happy that you finally opened up your feelings to me. I appreciate that. That means you trust me more than before. Please never ever feel unwanted because you’re so important to me. Please keep in mind that. I let you sleep now. I am just texting you to remind you how important you are to certain people especially to myself. Sleep tight, Girlfriend.

-PJM

When you read the texts you wanted to do nothing other than to hug him. How sweet and thoughtful he is towards you. Its been only a few years since you guy knew each other but he’s showing more love to you than your parents ever does. Hence, you do what you think the most unthinkable thing at the moment, you drove to his place. Yes, you drove to his place only to be disappointed when you see so many car parks in front of their house and alongside the road on his home. Not only that, you saw several people are on the doorways, standing. Not only that, you saw how dim the light and the loud music from inside. Now you realized, the reason for his reluctance and you’re right all the way about your guess. He wanted to spend the night with another girl. Well, who wanted a girl like you; a girl with a toxic family.

When you thought that driving here is already a stupid decision of yours but you’re more stupid when you decided to park your car and went inside. Yes, you went inside and your eyes quickly landed on the guy who sent a text message to you saying that you’re the most important person to him when his action stated otherwise. You saw how he laugh with whatever the girl is talking about with his arm draped on her shoulder. Shaking your head, realizing how stupid you are for believing his words easily you turn and walks towards the door before you feel your arm been grab and turn you around.

“Y/n...” Jungkook asks, frown painted on his face surprised by your sudden un-invited appearance at the party. “Jimin is...”

“I know.” His eyes blink when he heard you said that.

“Let’s go to my room.” He says as he sees your glassy eyes. So he took your hand and lead you to his bedroom upstairs. Truth to be speaking, it's not like this is your first time here. But it’s your first time in his room. He directed you to his bed and sat you at the edge of the bed while he sits opposite you.

“I am... did you see him?” You nodded your head.

“She’s a friend. To all of us.”

“You know you don’t owe me any explanation.”

“But you look so...”

“I know and I am fine. I just realized that I trust people too easily.”

“No. No, you’re not Y/n. Believe me, that girl is a friend, not only to Jimin but to all of us.”

“Why are you comforting me. As I said just now, I am fine Jungkook.”

“It’s just that Jimin Hyung loves you so much that I don’t want you to think differently about him just because you saw him with a girl.” You shrugged your shoulder in response as you didn’t know what to reply.

“I think I should go. Plus I am not even invited.” You were about to get up but he caught your hand, stopping your movement.

“You can stay. I don’t know if you realize but  you look damn tired.”

“And where would you sleep?” You don’t even know why you agreed to his suggestion so fast but yeah, maybe because you’re tired.

“I can sleep on the floor.”

“Nonsense!”

“Fine. I’ll just sleep here...” He patted his bed.

“What?” You say, surprise to his suggestion.

“I am not going to...”

“Kidding JK. I know you can behave yourself around me.”

“Oww... we’ll see about that.” He says, wiggling his brows.

You lifted your forefinger asking him to come closer to you and he obeyed. “If you ever touch me even a little, I will not hesitate to kick your precious baby JK down there.” You wink as you finished muttered that sentence.

“Fine Noona!” He says as he walks away from you and to his closet; changing his clothes (not that you’re spying on him but yeah, your guess is correct when he lie down on the bed with new clothes. You can still hear the party going on below and you’re kind of surprise that he’s staying with you here.

“Why are you here?” You ask as you lie down on the bed, turning your body to him.

He turns his body facing you. “I don’t like the party.”

You scoff at his answer.

“I am serious. The reason I am actually at this kind of event is if the party is happening here or when I am hor*y.”

“TMI!”

“Well, you ask, I answer.” He says, smiling teasingly. You rolled your eyes at that before he laughs at your reaction.

“Thank You.”

He smiles softly and nodded his head. You don’t know how or why but you fall asleep easily. Maybe because you know at least spending the night here did not have any risk of getting your sleep disturbed with the concubine shouting you in the morning or maybe because you’re just too tired.

Your sweet sleep was disturbed by several hard knocks at the door and someone calling for Jungkook’s name. Your eyes open widely when you finally recognized the voice.

“What do we do?” You ask Jungkook who has the same expression as yours. You don’t know why but it feels like Jimin caught you cheating by spending the night at another man's room. But then, why would you worry about this. You’re sure that he too spent his night with the girl last night.

“Just stay here. If he insists on coming, cover yourself.” He says as he got off and went to unlock and opening the door.

“Why hyung! It's only 8!”

“Can I borrow your shirt?”

“You have many shirts.”

“I am tired of wearing the same one.” He replied.

“But hyung...” and before Jungkook finishes his word, you heard the door being slam against the wall. You lifted the comforter, covering your head though it’s kind of useless because he can see your hair or body from the outline of the comforter.

“Shit! I didn’t know you have company.” You heard Jimin’s.

“That what I am trying to tell you!” Jungkook’s response. “Now if you excuse us. You’re literally intruding.”

“Right. Sorry.” A few moments later you heard the door’s being close.

“We’re safe now, I guess.” He says in a doubtful tone.

You pull down the comforter to be greeted by Jungkook standing at the end of the bed. “Now what?”

He shrugged his shoulder. Not helpful at all!

“Jungkook!” You whisper shout.

“I don’t know. Wait for him to go out. He’ll be gone in a few moments trust me. That the reason he asked to borrow my shirt." Jungkook’s explained to you thought he does not look so sure with it.

Exhaling a breath while closing your eyes you thought of a thousand excuses to tell Jimin if you ever get caught and none seems logical at the moment.

“You look so worried.” Jungkook’s voice cut your train of thought.

“Am not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Fine! I am! Like what should I feel right now since I just slept with you? I feel like cheating on him."

"Correction, we sleep together but we do nothing."

You furrow your eyebrows. "As if that would change anything. You do know that if anyone were to see us together their first thought would be that."

"Well, yea. But then I can assure you Jimin would understand that."

Well, that does not make your heart at ease you for sure and you don't know why that you're acting like this. He's the one that you caught with a girl last night. Yea whatever. "Can you like to see him outside? If he's out then I am going home too."

"Okay." He answers you short and walks outside. He emerges to the room again fifteen minutes after but bringing breakfast this time. That melt your heart a little.

"I thought you're doing your spy job"

"I did. But I am not going to starve you." He then passes you the plates with a sandwich in it also a coffee.

"I feel like a princess."

"You live like a princess and this is nothing compare to your breakfast at home I guess."

"Not going to lie there." You say followed by a laugh. "No Jungkook. This is better. In fact, this is thousand, no million better than at home." You said sincerely and you see blush emerges out from his face.

*** "Are you sure?" You ask as you stand in front of the door.

"Yes, Noona. 100% sure. He went out when I made you breakfast earlier and it's been fifteen minutes."

"O- okay." You say shakily.

He actually wanted to send you out but you told him that it's better for you to go alone, not to create another misunderstanding if other's were to see you and he agreed reluctantly.

So you walk alone towards your car before you realize that someone is standing beside your car. Cancel beside but he actually leaned his back against the door of the driver seats, arms wrapping above his chest. You pace decrease when you see his frown face but you've reached him in no time and with a smirk, he says to you

"Having fun with Jungkook?"

[misssophiachase]

For Klaroline AU Week: Day 1 - All Human. This is a continuation of my story, you can read chapter one (Meet the Mikaelsons) and chapter two (Creative Control) HERE

Synopsis: Caroline is the long-suffering producer on America’s number one reality television program “Meet the Mikaelsons.” The wealthy, English family are difficult but Caroline has to stick it out so she can get the promotion she’s been eyeing. Enter arrogant, second-eldest sibling Klaus Mikaelson who has every intention of messing with her plans. Inspired by Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

Reality Bites - Chapter 3: Doctor Feelgood

Flight AA372 - LAX to Los Cabos International

“You should probably put your tray table back in its upright position for take-off,” Caroline’s eyes were closed but the instant she heard the familiar English accent, they flew open. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I assume you’re not going to bother with the tray table then?” He gestured to it curiously. She rolled her eyes and snapped it back into place, almost breaking it in the process. 

“You didn’t answer my question, Mikaelson?” 


“You’re making a scene, love,” he whispered, looking around the airplane. 

Caroline realised he had a point. She was so used to being able to yell at him on set without prying eyes, she forgot about unwanted, public attention to one of the newest reality stars on television. 

“What are you doing here?” She whispered. 

“I’m in the window seat,” he motioned next to her. 

“You are not.”

“Would you like to see my boarding pass?”

Caroline really couldn’t believe her luck. It was as if Klaus Mikaelson’s job in life was to gradually tip her over the edge.

She stood up, moving slightly so he could pass. As he did, his body grazed hers and Caroline was trying to ignore just how good and right it felt. It didn’t help that his spicy aftershave was infiltrating her nostrils and messing with her composure either. 

“Since when do you travel coach?” She hissed as soon as he’d sat down. 

“Since always.”

“Liar,” she shot back. 

“Fine,” he conceded. “I didn’t want to be stuck on a private jet with my siblings, I’d probably be tempted to throw one, if not all of them, out of the plane without a parachute.”

“Kol, would be the first to go, right?” she couldn’t help herself. 

“There would never be a question about that,” he grinned. 

As much as she wanted to hate him, they’d have these fleeting moments where she wasn’t a producer and he wasn’t rich, reality television royalty. They were just two people enjoying each other’s company. Unfortunately, it never lasted past about five minutes. 

“So, how is it that you are on the exact same flight as me?”

“You don’t own this flight you realise, Forbes?’


“Fine, how did you come to be sitting right next to me then?”

“As co-producers I thought it would be useful, you know in case we needed to discuss anything before arrival,” he murmured. 

“You’re going to crash your ex-girlfriend’s wedding,” she replied. “I think we’re all on the same page about that. You know unless you’re getting cold feet?”

“Why? Are you?”

Caroline was taken aback by his comment and the way he was gazing intensely into her eyes at the same time. There was no denying he was extremely attractive, and those dimples had a mind of their own, but Caroline had to keep reminding herself that he was an egotistical, arrogant celebrity that she wouldn’t be in her life much longer.

For some reason she didn’t like thinking that. Caroline decided to blame it on temporary insanity and his ability to insert himself into every part of her life.

“Why would I be getting cold feet? We’ve only been planning this for the past week.” 

Caroline thought planning this plot line would be just like everything else but for some reason it had irked her more than anything.

Hayley Marshall was a doe-eyed brunette who was the face of an International Cosmetics Company. They had dated on and off during college. Klaus acted like she didn’t mean much to him but the fact he wanted to crash her wedding and instigated the trip to Mexico didn’t sit well with Caroline, although she wasn’t exactly sure why. Maybe there were more unresolved feelings between them than he’d let on. 

“Of course,” he murmured. “I just meant we need to discuss our accommodation arrangements.”

“Our accommodation arrangements?”

“You have this thing about repeating yourself, has anyone ever told you that?”

“And has anyone ever told you that you have this annoying habit of not answering questions, mine in particular?”

“Touché,” he smirked. “I thought it best that we stay together the next few days.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, I think you heard me.”

“Klaus!”

Given the amount of crew, not to mention privacy required they had booked out multiple private villas on a secluded beach. Caroline had her assistant book her at a resort which was only ten minutes away by foot. 

“I’m not enamoured about staying in the family villa, there’s only so much I can take from Rebekah preening in front of the mirror and Kol singing off- key in the shower.”

“You have your own villa, princess,” she muttered. 

“And it boasts two very spacious bedrooms,” he murmured. “It seems fitting that we stay there together, you know for work.”

“I cannot believe you,” she growled. “First you take half my job and now you’re making accommodation arrangements? I have a perfectly good room booked at the nearby hotel.”

“Well, you did,” he offered. “I had your assistant cancel it.”

“You did what?”

“And given it’s peak season I think you’ll find it difficult to book anywhere else at this short notice.”

“You are unbelievable!”

“As you keep telling me,” he murmured.

“What is going on here?”

“I don’t know what you mean?”

“Yes, you do,” she shot back. “Why are you suddenly so clingy?”

“Okay, just so you know, Klaus Mikaelson doesn’t do clingy.” 

Now that Caroline was thinking about it. Klaus had been acting even stranger than usual the past few days. He’d become less adversarial and more inquisitive. Less arrogant and a little more insecure. Which was completely out of character. 

Then it came to her. 

4 days earlier

“What do you mean you fired the medic?” Caroline hissed, trying to keep her voice down and not alert the rest of the crew. 

“I didn’t fire the medic,” he shot back. “She quit yesterday. Apparently, she didn’t appreciate Kol’s attempts to woo her.”

“Woo her? Who are you?” She muttered. “And you only felt the need to tell me this today?”

“Well, I’m sorry but I’ve been busy wrangling my siblings from almost killing each other. Whoever thought tennis racquets weren’t a lethal weapon never met my family.”

“Welcome to my world,” she growled under her breath. If Klaus wanted to be co-producer, then he could deal with his sibling’s antics too. 

The Mikaelsons were holding their annual mother-son tennis competition. It had begun when Finn was younger and had become one of the main events on their social calendar.

This year, it was Henrik’s turn to be initiated into the tradition. Given Esther’s competitive nature, Caroline felt immediately bad for him. It didn’t help that her sworn enemy, Macy Roberts, one of the famed Housewives of Beverly Hills, was competing with her son too.

Turns out giving two society queens tennis racquets wasn’t the brightest idea, even if it did make for good television. They’d yelled cut as soon as the obligatory cursing had died down but turns out there was no medic to check their injuries.

Macy seemed to have only sustained some bruising, but Esther hadn’t fared as well.

“It’s bloody broken, I know it!” Esther wailed. “I need some Oxy-Contin, straight vodka on the rocks and my lipstick touched up, not necessarily in that order.”

“See, she doesn’t even need a medic,” Klaus shrugged his shoulders. 

“You are unbelievable.”

“You really need to stop complimenting me, love,” he smirked. Caroline was far too stressed then to call him out on that stray endearment. 

“I can help,” Kol offered. 

“Where’s your medical degree?” Klaus asked, raising his eyebrows.

“I dated this girl once, a med student, she used to practice on me by…”

“Please don’t go any further,” Caroline groaned, trying to work out whether it was in their best interests to take Esther to hospital given all the unnecessary interest it would attract, especially given how she came to be injured. They didn’t sign non-disclosure agreements for no reason. 

They needed something more discreet. Then an idea came to her. 

One hour later

The bell rang out and Caroline rushed to the front door. Opening the door, she immediately smiled; he always had that effect on her. 

“Why do I always seem to be bailing you out, Care Bear?” 

“Just lucky I guess,” she grinned. “And what have I told you about not calling me that.” He dropped his bag and she jumped into his arms, excited to see him after all this time.

“Not to do it,” he teased, putting her back on the ground. 

“Care Bear? I’ll have to add that to my repertoire,” Klaus chuckled. Caroline fought the urge to roll her eyes, of course he was eavesdropping. “Who is this?”

Caroline pulled back, annoyed that yet again her annoying co-producer had interrupted. 

“Klaus Mikaelson, this is Enzo St John,” she introduced the two. “Our medic for the afternoon.”

“How do you know each other?” 

“Enzo is my best friend Kat’s cousin, we grew up together, well until he decided to leave the country on us.”

“Duty called,” he smiled. 

“Enzo decided to go and join Médecins Sans Frontières.”

“Doctors without Borders?” Klaus asked, his tone telling Caroline he was clearly impressed but was trying to play it down. 

“I’ve been in Burkina Faso most recently,” he explained. “But came home for some downtime, see what my cousin has been up to and of course to save Caroline, yet again.”

“It was once and you know how handsy my prom date was,” she said. 

“It was my pleasure to punch him out,” he smiled. “How is Stefan Salvatore doing these days?”

“I have no idea and don’t care,” she muttered. Klaus coughed interrupting their chat. 

“Well, maybe it’s best we get to the patient?”

“Can someone please give mother a gag? She is howling like a banshee,” Rebekah muttered, walking into the room. “And who do we have here?”

“I’m Enzo,” he introduced curtly. “I assume I’ll be taking care of the banshee?” 

“It’s only funny when I say it,” she drawled, sizing him up. Caroline could sense the tension from a mile off but she wasn’t sure whether they wanted to kill each other or rub up against each other. 

“Right on that note,” Caroline interrupted awkwardly. “Let’s go outside, shall we?”

“Why do I feel like I’ve entered the twilight zone?” he asked as she led him toward the tennis courts.

“Because you have,” she murmured, attempting not to laugh aloud. 

Enzo was an instant hit with Esther, no doubt due to his nationality, good looks and charm which he possessed in spades. 

She also decided that he needed to come to Mexico and play medic. Klaus and Rebekah thought otherwise and had tried to change her mind but being the matriarch of the brood, they all knew it was pointless.

Caroline had a feeling it wasn’t too much of a hard sell after what he’d come from. Although Caroline wasn’t quite sure he was ready for this type of jungle. 

“This is about Enzo,” she drawled. 

“Excuse me?”

“Now who’s asking the questions,” she huffed. “You don’t want me staying at the same hotel as him in Mexico.” 

They’d arranged their travel together, Caroline hoping to get some downtime to chat with one of her oldest friends. There had never been anything between them, their relationship was strictly platonic.

Also, Enzo loved himself too much to love anyone else but obviously Klaus didn’t know that. 

Caroline put it down to the fact Klaus was determined to ruin her life for whatever reason she had no idea. 

“That is so not true,” he growled. 

“Why don’t you tell me the truth for once, Mikaelson? I’m growing incredibly tired of this arrogant bluster.”

“Says the woman who uses insults as a defence mechanism?”

“Are we interrupting something?” Caroline looked up into the warm, brown eyes of Enzo. 

“Not at all, in fact we were just talking about how excited Klaus is to have you along for the trip,” she smiled, nudging Klaus in the ribs as she said it. “Hold on, what do you mean we?”

“You can’t go to Mexico and take my cousin with you and not expect a few extra guests, Care.” Katherine and Bonnie stood there, bags in hand. 

“You did say there were two bedrooms, right?” She asked Klaus sweetly, happy that she’d beaten him at his own game this time, or so she thought. 

You can read this chapter and follow the story HERE or HERE

[grrlinthefireplace]

Hey so I’ve been seeing you post a lot about La Casa de Papel recently. What exactly is it? It looks kinda interesting.

Thank you so much for asking!

I am delighted beyond reason to have the opportunity to tell you - and by extension the entire world - why this show has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and legitimately healed my soul after this particularly soul-crushing season of Grimdark White Man Television almost broke me as a human being.

I will attempt to keep this as spoiler-free as I possibly can, because this is a show that should be experienced in the moment, but in a nutshell, La Casa de Papel is a heist show set in present-day Madrid which follows both a found family of thieves who rob the Royal Mint of Spain, and the law enforcement officials on the outside who are chasing them.

If that is enough for you, go right to your TV or computer, fire up the ol’ Netflix, and don’t waste any more time.

If, however, you need a little more, here are the top five things I flail about to every single person in my life to convince them they need to start watching this show like immediately and then come back and tell me all about it.

For visual flair, we’ll intersperse them with some gifs of ladies, because I know my audience.

5. character driving plot > plot driving character.

You know that infuriating thing lazy TV writers do where, in order to to hurry up and get to the big explosion or battle scene or dragon attack or whatever, which is the only bit they really care about, they handwave away the whole concept of motivation and make some character do something that any halfway-attentive viewer will immediately clock that they would never actually do?

There is none of that bullshit here.

In its simplest form, the plot of La Casa de Papel is as follows: a brilliant criminal mastermind devises a heist which cannot possibly go wrong, and then we proceed to watch all the ways in which it goes wrong.

This is a fantastic setup for an action story, made even more breathlessly exciting by strategic use of my favorite heist movie plot device (as perfected by Ocean’s Eleven): namely, “scene where it looks like our crime heroes have been outsmarted and are now threatened by a completely unforeseen disaster” immediately followed by “flashback to the team prepping for the heist where we learn that of course they prepared for this exact scenario.”

But from time to time, things do actually go wrong (as they must, or else there would be no story); and, when they do, it is never because you can tell a writer just wanted to write a scene where bullets go flying, and didn’t care how he got there. These characters are so clear, their behavior so consistent, that when gasp-worthy plot twists happen, they happen because of course that character, in this exact scenario, would do that exact thing.

I’m telling you, I came to this show for a ship (more on that in a minute) and I stayed for a swooning, heart-eyes writer crush on the impeccably-designed plot structure and characterization.

4. High stakes, low gore.

Tone-wise, on a sliding scale of Heist Film Intensity where a really fluffy episode of Leverage is a 1, Reservoir Dogs is a 10, and the Ocean’s franchise is somewhere in the 3-4 range, I would place La Casa at a 5 or a 6, which is perfect for me. I love action, suspense, drama and adventure, but I hate gratuitous violence (especially when it’s pointless and masturbatory and doesn’t contribute anything to the plot) and have a very low tolerance for blood and gore. So I kept waiting for the story to eventually take a hard left turn into Tarantino Land, until eventually it was all just one huge pile of dead bodies, and was genuinely surprised when it didn’t.

This is how I learned just how badly my brain has been fucked up by lazy showrunners who think shock deaths are the only way to raise stakes. During the first season of this show, before I had figured out that it was a Flawless Gem of Television Which So Far Has Not Once Disappointed Me, there were probably a dozen moments where I was absolutely convinced that some character was about to be gruesomely killed for shock value … and I was wrong every single time.

Reader, it was fucking wild.

Every single time I was convinced that person A was going to shoot person B in the head because blah blah maximum angst over here in this part of the story and then it will motivate person C to do this other thing, the show did the hard work of finding a smarter, more unexpected direction to take that character’s story. That means that when deaths do come along - and there are a couple - they feel genuinely earned, and they matter deeply to the story and to us.

3. I would die for these women.

This show loves women. Like it truly, authentically, uncompromisingly loves women in all our fucked-up messy glorious complexity. There are no “types” or cliches here; no one is forced to be only one thing. Fuck your one-dimensional Strong Female Characters, lazy writers.

For one thing, on many shows you might be lucky if you get maybe one mom who is given a personality and a story outside of motherhood. Often, on shows written by men, the fact of her motherhood diminishes her strength or her agency. On this show, nearly every one of the central female characters is both a mom and an action hero simultaneously. Seriously. By season 3 there are four different battle moms. They’re all different, they’re not all on the same side, they have different perspectives, and their role as mother impacts the story differently, but that’s the joy of having a whole lot of different kinds of women - no one has to be everything to everyone.

These women are complicated. They laugh, they cry, they crack dirty jokes, they get laid, they have babies, they fight, they make mistakes, they fall in love, they grow. Men pull sexist shit and they shut it the fuck down. Some of them have love stories, some of them don’t, but they are never defined by or triangulated around relationships with men. They get to have relationships with each other. All of them are excellent at their jobs.

Tokyo is the kind of hot mess antihero protagonist we’ve been watching middle-aged white men play for decades.

Allison is such a realistic teenage girl it’s genuinely painful to watch.

Monica has one of the best arcs I’ve ever seen on television, this is not a drill.

Alicia is terrifying. (A pregnant black ops interrogator! ON WHAT OTHER FUCKING SHOW!?!??)

Nairobi is unlike any other character you’ve seen on TV before; she’s got a little bit of Parker from Leverage, a little bit of Raven Reyes from The 100, but she’s entirely her own creature and you will fall in love with her instantly.

And Raquel. Oh, my love, my angel, my hero, Inspector Raquel Murillo. Love of my goddamn life. A fierce, kickass hostage negotiator swimming upstream against a tide of workplace misogyny who sometimes has to make the frustrating little male-appeasing compromises we all have to make to get through the workday. A beautiful, sexy, powerful heroine over 40 whose femininity isn’t diminished based on some bullshit notion that, for example, pairing your tough-bitch suit and gun holster with red toenails and a lacy blouse detracts from your strength. A loving mom and daughter who has to juggle raising a small child and caring for an aging parent with the stress of, you know, trying to stop the biggest robbery in the history of Spain. A domestic violence survivor (TW for those who need it; nothing is ever shown onscreen, but it’s discussed several times) who is given the space to discuss the things that have happened to her and how she has worked through them with such dignity, accuracy and respect that you can tell the writers did their homework.

This is a show where you can tell there are women in the writers’ room.

2. The Professor and Raquel. I don’t want to spoil a single thing for you here except to say that I myself was lured into this show by the promise of electric sexual chemistry between a criminal mastermind and the police inspector hunting him down, and my God I was not disappointed.

1. Love.

This show came into my life at a period where I was so weary of cynicism on television - so fucking furious at showrunners who dangle hope in front of us and then crush it, who only care about building anything if they can tear it down later, who treat love and fun and joy and hope and family and happiness like they’re intellectually lesser than grimdark nihilism with no soul - that I was honestly kind of broken by it. I was just so. fucking. tired. Tired of “the way we show this heroine is strong is to kill off her love interest.” Tired of “sorry but all this rape and murder is NECESSARY because of REALISM” (particularly rich when coming from shows featuring evil A.I.’s or dragons and ice zombies). Tired of getting invested in relationships - whether ships or friends or found families - only to realize that the show I was watching was always going to sacrifice character to force plot mechanics into place, and those relationships were never going to get the kind of care and focus I wanted them to get.

But that is not this show.

The single most revolutionary thing, to me, about La Casa de Papel - the thing that sets it apart from every other rollercoaster action thrill ride on television - is that every single thread of the plot is tied to love.

Every.

Single.

One.

Love of all different shapes and sizes - parents and children, friendships, doomed crushes (straight and queer), toxic exes, blossoming romances, siblings - and over it all, a deep, deep love for humanity.

The thing I said before, about how when things go wrong they go wrong in character-driven ways? It’s this. Love is why everything on this show happens. Love is what makes children want to live up to their parents and what makes parents fight to leave a better world for their children. Love is why deaths have stakes. Love is why we spend so much screentime lingering on small moments another show might ignore, like all the thieves at heist camp sitting down every night to have dinner together and argue about paella techniques. Love is what causes chaos in the middle of the heist; when there’s one person in the room you care about more than the others, you can get distracted and take your eye off the ball. Love is how your enemies can get to you, by leveraging or blackmailing the people who matter most, knowing that you’ll crack if they’re in danger. Love, gone wrong, causes toxic men to develop possessive and controlling behavior towards women. Love is how the Professor gets the idea for the heist in the first place. The plan is flawless on paper, but it doesn’t account for the human variable, and over and over again we see that relationships and connection and sex and family and love cause people to behave in unpredictable ways and throw the whole plan into chaos, which is what makes for a dynamic and compelling story.

How refreshing to see a show simply refuse to grant the oft-repeated premise that a show cannot have both high-octane thrills, and a big soft squishy heart, at the same time.

ANYWAY, I’VE TAKEN UP ENOUGH OF YOUR VALUABLE TV-WATCHING TIME, GO JUMP ON BOARD THIS TRAIN AND COME SCREAM ABOUT IDEALISTIC SPANISH ROBIN HOODS WITH ME, AND LET THE GOOD SHIP SERQUEL INTO YOUR LIFE, YOU WON’T BE SORRY

THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

[scrumptioushottubinfluencer]

Er Emergency Room Season 1

Susan Lewis, MDFirst appearanceSeptember 19, 1994 (1x01, '24 Hours')Last appearanceApril 2, 2009 (15x22, 'And In The End')Portrayed bySherry StringfieldDuration1994–96, 2001–05, 2009In-universe informationNicknameSusieTitle

Resident (1994–1996)

Attending (2001–2005)

Chief of Emergency Medicine (2003–2005)

OccupationEmergency PhysicianFamily

Henry Lewis (father)

Irene “Cookie” Lewis (mother, deceased)

Chloe Lewis (sister)

SpouseChuck Martin (ex-husband)Significant otherDiv Cvetic (ex-boyfriend)ChildrenCosmo Martin (son, with Chuck)RelativesSuzie Lewis (niece)

Emergency Room

Hospital Er Rooms

Susan Lewis is a character as played by Sherry Stringfield, on the fictional television show ER. Sherry Stringfield is one of ER's original cast members, portraying Susan in Season 1 as an eager resident. Stringfield left the show, the character was not recast and Susan left County General Hospital and the series in Season 3, but. ER Confidential November 17, 1994. Season 1, Episode 10. November 17, 1994. Cvetic (John Terry) struggles with a growing sense of hatred toward his patients; Hathaway faces an ethical crisis.

Dr. Susan Lewis is a character as played by Sherry Stringfield, on the fictional television showER.

Sherry Stringfield is one of ER's original cast members, portraying Susan in Season 1 as an eager resident. Stringfield left the show, the character was not recast and Susan left County General Hospital and the series in Season 3, but Stringfield and the character returned five seasons later as an attending physician in Season 8. Susan Lewis eventually checked out of the ER for good in 2005, at the beginning of Season 12, having been passed over for tenure in favor of John Carter by Kerry Weaver. She was offered a tenured position at a hospital in Iowa City.

Development[edit]

During the third season of the series, actress Sherry Stringfield left ER for the first time. In an interview with the Chicago Tribune, Stringfield explained that having a family was one of the primary reasons for her to leave the show.[1] According to Entertainment Weekly, Stringfield's decision to quit angered the show's executive producer John Wells, because she left just as Dr. Lewis got embroiled in a budding romance with Anthony Edwards' Dr. Mark Greene.[2] Stringfield revealed it was not a pleasant situation and said: 'The producers were in shock. They tried to talk me out of it. It took a long time to get out of my contract.'[3]

However, by the time of the eighth season, her schedule allowed her to return to the series. Wells said they were 'delighted to welcome her back as a series regular and can't wait to work with her again.'[1] Stringfield remained in the main cast for four more seasons, until August 2005, when she announced that she would be leaving ER again and stated: 'I am extremely grateful for the time I spent on ER,' Stringfield explained. 'It is a wonderful show, and there are so many people I will miss. But I'm ready for new roles and new challenges.'[4]

Character history[edit]

Seasons 1–3 First Departure (1994–1996)[edit]

In Season 1, Susan is a second year resident. She is shown to be an eager and competent young doctor working in the emergency department of County General Hospital. She is good friends with Nurse Carol Hathaway, Dr. Doug Ross and especially Dr. Mark Greene, who is her best friend.

Though an extremely capable doctor, Susan is initially seen to have problems asserting herself. This is frequently taken advantage of by the senior and more forthright doctors in the hospital, such as Dr. Peter Benton and particularly Dr. Jack Kayson. This leads to several confrontations, and animosity worsens when Kayson discharges one of Susan's patients, failing to notice the severity of his symptoms, which ultimately leads to the patient's death.

Kayson tries to deflect the blame onto Susan and her competence is questioned. Her superior, Mark, is forced to monitor her every move and their friendship is put under strain as a result. During the case review, however, the board rules in Susan's favor and reprimands Kayson—much to his chagrin.

Shortly after, Kayson is rushed into hospital suffering from a heart attack. Despite their past disagreement on the issue, Kayson opts for Susan's non-invasive form of treatment against the advice of a senior doctor, who (like Kayson) is an advocate of surgical angioplasty. Finally asserting herself, Susan stands her ground and refuses to allow Kayson to be treated surgically. Following his recovery, Kayson shows his gratitude by asking Susan to be his valentine date, which she awkwardly declines.

Susan's personal life is far less settled than her professional one. In Season 1, she is seen to have a brief relationship with psychiatrist Div Cvetic, who ultimately has a nervous breakdown and disappears. Susan later learns that he married someone he met through a dating service, run by a taxi driver from his cab.

Most of her problems, however, are family-related. Susan's parents, Cookie and Henry, are shown to be flighty (her father is jokingly referred to as a test pilot for Barcalounger) and difficult to talk to. Her older sister, Chloe, is the source of most of her distress, with a seemingly never ending series of problems with alcohol, drugs, men, and money. Chloe eventually has a baby girl, who she names Susan ('Little Susie') after her sister. During Season 2 however, Chloe begins to use alcohol and drugs once again. After deciding that she cannot look after her baby, she leaves Chicago, abandoning Susie on a flustered and overworked Susan.

Susan as she appeared in 1996.

She struggles to be a good mother to the child while completing her demanding residency. Already overstressed, Susan clashes with the new Chief Resident, Kerry Weaver, numerous times, forcing Mark Greene to step in between them. Animosity between Kerry and Susan lessens over time, but never goes away completely. Realizing that Chloe may never return, Susan considers giving Susie up for adoption. She gets as far as introducing the baby to potential adoptive parents, but cannot bring herself to part with her niece, so she decides to keep her and adopt the child as her own.

Susan grows extremely attached to the baby, but she gets a surprise when a reformed Chloe reappears later in the season and tries to reclaim 'little Susie'. Susan can't see past Chloe's mistakes, regardless of her recent turnaround and new responsible boyfriend. Desperate to keep the baby, Susan attempts to fight Chloe for custody, but is forced to reconsider when the judge warns her that she would lose. Susan begrudgingly reaches an agreement with her sister, and after regaining custody of 'little Susie', Chloe moves her family to Phoenix, Arizona to start a new life.

Susan struggles to cope with the loss of her niece and goes through a period of grief and counseling. She throws herself into her work to escape her feelings of loneliness, which manages to impress Weaver and, with Mark's encouragement, Kerry agrees to offer Susan the position of chief resident (she promises to support Susan's promotion if Mark recommends her as County's new attending physician). Much of the ER staff hoped Susan could achieve that title, but Susan turns the position down, later telling Mark that there is more to life than work.

Setting up Sherry Stringfield's departure from the series in Season 3, the beginnings of a romance appears to develop between Susan and Mark, or more to the point, they are shown to have problems identifying their current relationship as friendship. Both seem timid and cautious around each other. Initially more upfront about the situation, Susan invites Mark to join her on holiday in Maui, Hawaii, but is embarrassed when he appears hesitant, and later retracts the offer, feeling she overstepped a boundary.

Fearful that he may have missed his chance with Susan, Mark attempts to convey his attraction towards her upon her return, though he cannot find the courage to follow through and is left perplexed by Susan's reticence. It transpires that Susan never actually made it to Maui, she instead visited her sister and 'little Susie' in Phoenix as she could not overcome her fear of flying. Mark helps her overcome this fear in the following episode ('Fear of Flying'), supporting her during a helicopter flight rotation where they are called upon to treat victims of a serious motor accident.

As they grow closer, Mark finally plucks up the courage to casually ask Susan out, however she declines, telling him that they 'need to talk'. Shortly after, Mark witnesses Susan in numerous secret talks with the ER's chief of emergency medicine, David Morgenstern, and concludes that they are seeing each other. He confronts Susan, but she reveals that Morgenstern was merely helping her to transfer her residency. Desperately missing her niece, Susan had made the decision to move to Phoenix to be near her sister's family.

During a hectic last day for Susan at County's ER, Mark struggles with her imminent departure, but still finds himself afraid to admit his true feelings for her. The hospital staff arrange a leaving party for Susan, but it is canceled due to an influx of critical patients from a motoring accident. Susan leaves the hospital unable to say goodbye to Mark, who was busy working on a trauma patient. He manages to arrive just as her train is about to depart (episode 'Union Station). Mark pleads with her to stay because he loves her. But Susan doesn't see a future in Chicago or with him. She kisses him and says 'I love you, too' as the train departs.

Seasons 8–12 and second departure (2001–2005)[edit]

Susan returns during Season 8 as she left, shown to arrive on a train into Chicago to interview for a job. Susan visits County General for the first time in 5 years and sees the hospital has changed as well as the faces. She meets Mark for coffee and reveals that Chloe has moved on to another city, and she has decided that she can't follow her sister's family around forever. Mark offers her a job as an attending physician at County General, despite Kerry Weaver's reservations – the two never got along when they worked together before.

Susan returns to County (2001).

During Season 8 Susan has a brief relationship with Dr. John Carter after they both admit that they had a crush on each other when he was a medical student and she was a resident – it doesn't last, as Susan realizes in the episode Secrets and Lies, that Carter is really in love with Abby Lockhart. She then tells Carter to 'tell her' about his feelings. The two both break up on good terms and remain good friends throughout the rest of her career at County. Her problems with Chloe resurface when her niece Susie goes missing in New York after leaving a distressing voicemail message on her aunt's phone. Susan flies to New York (in a crossover with Third Watch) and discovers Chloe doped up, sleeping rough. Towards the end of the season, Susan faces one of her most difficult story lines, as her best friend Mark Greene reveals to her that his brain tumor has returned. The two rekindled their close friendship as she helps him come to terms with his diagnosis. Susan is alluded to in Mark's goodbye letter in 'The Letter' when Mark comments that he had to leave the way he did, even though there were things of a more personal nature to say. After her best friend's death, Susan warmed up to other friendships in the ER with Abby Lockhart and Elizabeth Corday, and was able to work better with her old colleague Kerry Weaver. Dr. Romano, who actually respected her (he once told another doctor to get Dr. Lewis when he had a medical emergency, calling her 'the least annoying person down there'), also promoted her to Deputy Chief of Emergency Medicine much to Kerry Weaver's dismay.

Into Season 9, Susan meets a flight nurse named Chuck Martin (played by Donal Logue) on a plane to Las Vegas. They both get drunk upon arrival and end up getting married in Vegas. They quickly have the marriage annulled once they return to Chicago, but eventually start dating again, and Susan becomes pregnant. She is finally promoted to the position of Chief of Emergency Medicine after Robert Romano dies in Season 10. While other pregnant characters had given birth on the show, at the time, Susan's was the first major birth offscreen, with her giving birth sometime between Seasons 10 and 11 (and being placed on bedrest amid concerns of preterm labor). Chuck ends up caring for their baby boy Cosmo as a stay-at-home parent while Susan works.

Into Season 11, Susan begins to build some anxiety about the upcoming tenure offer. It ultimately goes to her friend John Carter, due to her lack of grant funding, finally leading to her final exit from the series at the beginning of Season 12 in the episode 'Canon City'. Susan is offered a tenure track position at a hospital in Iowa City, Iowa (presumably University of Iowa). Technically, Stringfield was the first and last original cast member to leave the show. (Being the first to leave in 1996, then in 2005 after the rest of the original cast left.) This was later bested by Noah as he returned in the final season of E.R in 2009.

Season 15 Return in The End (2009)[edit]

In the season 15 episode 'The Book of Abby', long-serving nurse Haleh Adams shows the departing Abby Lockhart a closet wall where all the past doctors and employees have put their locker name tags. Amongst them, the tag 'Lewis' can be seen.

Dr. Susan Lewis returned for the series finale titled 'And in the End...',[5][6] returning to Chicago for the opening of The Carter Center. During evening drinks with Peter Benton, John Carter, Kerry Weaver, Elizabeth Corday, and Rachel Greene, Susan is heard confirming to Dr. Corday that she still lives in Iowa. Additionally, she states that she and Chuck have split and she is now dating again. She eventually returns to the ER for the last time in the series with Rachel Greene and Carter, where she visits and jokes with the staff, much to the annoyance of Dr. Banfield who interrupts the talk by asking Susan who she is.

Reception[edit]

Sherry Stringfield's decision to leave ER was a 'shock wave through Hollywood.'[7] According to Entertainment Weekly, people called Stringfield 'nuts' for leaving 'the hottest show on TV for some investment banker in New York.'[3]

Other officesPreceded by Robert Romano Chief of Emergency Medicine 2004–2005Succeeded by Luka Kovač

References[edit]

^ abVanessa Sibbald (2001). 'Why Sherry Stringfield has returned to `ER''. Chicago Tribune. Retrieved 2019-07-11.

^Kennedy, Dana (1997-10-17). 'Why I left ER, by Sherry Stringfield'. Entertainment Weekly. Retrieved 2007-02-24.

^ abKennedy, Dana (1997-10-17). 'Sherry Stringfield, the Goodbye Girl'. Entertainment Weekly.

^'Sherry Stringfield quits 'ER' Again'. Digital Spy. 2005-08-06. Retrieved 2007-04-12.

^Mickey O'Connor (2009). 'Sherry Stringfield Returning to ER'. TV Guide. Retrieved 2019-07-11.

^'Sherry Stringfield is Back!'. TV Guide. 2009-02-12. Retrieved 2009-02-12.

^'STRINGFIELD YEARNS FOR `NORMAL LIFE''. Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. 1996-11-22. Retrieved 2012-03-28.

Retrieved from 'https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Susan_Lewis&oldid=992148957'

Doug RossFirst appearanceSeptember 19, 1994 (1x01, '24 Hours')Last appearanceMarch 12, 2009 (15x19, 'Old Times')Portrayed byGeorge ClooneyDuration1994–1999, 2000, 2009In-universe informationFull nameDouglas RossNicknameDoug, DougieGenderMaleTitlePediatric Fellow (1994–1998) Pediatric Attending (1998–1999)OccupationPhysician, PediatricianFamilyRay Ross (father; deceased) Sarah Ross (mother)SpouseCarol Hathaway (wife)ChildrenKate Ross (daughter, with Carol) Tess Ross (daughter, with Carol)Born1962[1]

Dr. Douglas 'Doug' Ross is a fictional character from the television series ER, portrayed by George Clooney. George Clooney's removal from the main cast opening credits was in the 16th episode of season 5.

Plot[edit]

Doug Ross was raised by his mother, Sarah, after his father, Ray, abandoned their family. In Season 1, Ross revealed to a patient that he had a son, and he tells nurse Wendy Goldman that he doesn't know his son's name as he's never seen him. Not much else is known about Doug's past. Despite his jumbled personal life, Ross is a dedicated ER pediatrician. He has always been committed to medicine and children and to helping no matter the rules or the consequences. During Season 2, Doug rescued a boy trapped in a flooding storm drain during a rainstorm. His heroic efforts were filmed on local television, making him a media star. This event helped him earn back his job at County, because his supervisor in pediatrics originally wasn't going to renew his fellowship due to his disrespect for authority.

During Season 2, Ray tries to reconcile with Doug, who has difficulty reconnecting with the man who abandoned him and his mother. Ray owns a ritzy hotel in Chicago, and Doug lets his guard down a little but is disappointed when his father offers to take him to a Chicago Bulls game and then stands him up. Ross later reveals that he and his mother were abused by his father. Doug later has an affair with Ray's girlfriend, a woman from whom Ray stole money, but ends the relationship when it becomes clear that she has many problems.

Ross is a womanizer who dates and leaves many women throughout the course of the show. His womanizing days abruptly end after a one-night stand with an epileptic woman who hides her condition and dies in the ER. Ross learns her name only after she dies, after which he stops dating for a while until he gets back together with Carol Hathaway, the head nurse of the ER at County.

Warner Bros. Television, the studio which produces ER for NBC, kept secret from NBC Dr. Ross' cameo in 'Such Sweet Sorrow', which promoted the episode as Carol Hathaway's goodbye, with no mention of Ross' appearance. The original version of 'Such Sweet Sorrow' that Warner Bros. sent to NBC ended after the scene where we see Hathaway on the plane to Seattle. At the eleventh hour, Warner Bros. sent an 'edited' version of the episode by messenger to NBC headquarters in New York for broadcast. NBC was miffed that it was kept in the dark as it could have generated valuable ad revenue if it had aired promos that the episode marked the return of George Clooney. Clooney cited the fans of the show for his reason for making the cameo (he wanted Hathaway's and Ross's characters to get back together, which many fans hoped for). Clooney reportedly only asked to be paid scale for the cameo.

In the season 15 episode 'Old Times,' Ross is working as an attending physician at the University of Washington Medical Center. He is helping a grieving grandmother (Susan Sarandon) whose grandson was gravely injured in a bicycle accident. He talks to Sam and Neela after finding out that they are from County, asking them whether any of his old colleagues still work there. Doug and Carol are responsible for getting the kidney for Carter and a heart for another County patient, but they never discover who receives the organs.

Career[edit]

In the pilot episode, which takes place on St. Patrick's Day 1994, Ross is brought into the ER not long before his shift, to be 'treated' for drunkenness by his longtime friend, Dr. Mark Greene. Throughout the next few seasons, Ross is shown to be compassionate, though not always using the best judgment. His love of children is best seen during darker situations, such as when a child is in danger. When Peter Benton talks about how surgeons deal with emotionally charged cases and ER doctors have it easy, Ross leaves him stunned into silence when describing cases that include a young girl who beat her mother to death, a kid who is going to lose his leg to cancer and another kid who is dying from a life of homelessness. His lack of judgment leads him to assault abusive parents in the ER, but his counseling in that case just consists of the shrink telling him not to do that again.

He is a passionate doctor who puts the welfare of his patients, especially children, above his medical career. In one episode, Dr. Ross saves a young boy who is drowning and is flown in to County General using a news helicopter. This garners him much attention, earns him an award, and saves his job. Ross doesn't handle authority well, even when Mark is his boss. He is a pediatrician, but in several episodes performs medical procedures on adults, usually when the other doctors are busy.

In another episode, he tries to do an ultra-rapid detox on a drug-addicted baby without the mother's consent. Hathaway assists, but when Greene and Weaver discover that the procedure is being done in violation of hospital policy and the law, Doug is punished. He is left on probation for 30 days and is supervised by Dr. Kerry Weaver and Dr. Greene, who have to co-sign his charts. Doug's attitude toward patient treatment often has consequences for his coworkers and supervisors, who have received reprimands from their superiors for Doug's actions.

He vies to be an attending physician for emergency pediatrics. He eventually gets the job, even though doctors Greene and Weaver oppose his promotion because the position isn't necessary and the funds are needed elsewhere. Greene is ultimately happy for Ross, but Weaver is aghast and campaigns against his new position.

He resigns in the aftermath of a scandal in which he shows a mother how to bypass the lockouts on a DilaudidPCA, enabling her to give a lethal dose of medication to her terminally ill son. Ross had earlier stolen Dilaudid from a pain- medication study and given it to the mother, only to be discovered by Weaver and Greene, who reprimand him but kept the incident private. The incident prompts the closure of Hathaway's free clinic in the hospital, since it supplied the PCA to this mother, and Ross faces suspension from work and possible criminal charges. A friend of Ross, who is the Chief of Genetics, stands up for him and the charges against him are dropped, but Ross resigns from the hospital and moves to Seattle. When Ross leaves, he and Hathaway are on poor terms until she discovers that she's pregnant with his twin girls. Her clinic is later re-opened, but she has to report to her former assistant there.

Ross was written out of the series because Clooney wished to focus on his expanding film career. He also said that there wasn't any strong story in place for his character after Season 5.[This quote needs a citation] He appeared at the end of the penultimate episode of season 6, when Carol leaves Cook County to reunite with Ross in Seattle. He was reportedly asked to return briefly in season 8, to make an appearance in Anthony Edwards's last episode during Greene's funeral, but Clooney declined because he did not want his cameo appearance to overshadow the departure of a beloved character on the show.

Clooney returned to ER for its 15th and final season in 2009 in a story arc beginning with Episode 328, titled 'Old Times', with Julianna Margulies also returning as Hathaway. The two are now married and work to help convince a grieving grandmother to donate her grandson's organs. During the process, Doug talks with Neela Rasgotra and learns that nearly everyone he knows has since departed County with Anspaugh being the only one left. At the end of the episode they receive word of the success of their efforts, unaware that the doctor who got the kidney was their old friend John Carter.

Development[edit]

Casting and creation[edit]

George Clooney did not receive a casting call for the television series. He received a draft of the script from a friend; he read it and became interested in the part. He said: 'I like the flaws in this guy. I can play him.'[2]

Neal Baer who worked on ER was inspired by his personal experiences to write storylines for the character of Doug Ross. He did his residency while he was on ER and became a pediatrician, which helped to 'draw on really complicated ethical dilemmas.'[3]

Characterization[edit]

The character was described as 'a complicated children's doctor who could be self-centered quick-tempered and giving, hitting the bottle to avoid dealing with consequences of his actions.'[4]

Reception[edit]

In 2004, Ross was listed in Bravo's 100 Greatest TV Characters.[5]Entertainment Weekly placed Ross in its list of the '30 Great TV Doctors and Nurses'.[6] The character was included in Fox News' list of 'The Best TV Doctors For Surgeon General' and in Philadelphia Magazine's 10 Best Doctors on Television.[7][8] Ross was also listed in Wetpaint's '10 Hottest Male Doctors on TV' and in BuzzFeed's '16 Hottest Doctors On Television'.[9][10] His relationship with Carol Hathaway was included in AOL TV's list of the 'Best TV Couples of All Time' and in the same list by TV Guide.[11][12]

For his work on the series, Clooney received two Emmy Award nominations for Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series in 1995 and 1996.[13][14] He was also nominated for three Golden Globe Awards for Best Actor – Television Series Drama in 1995, 1996, and 1997 (losing to co-star Anthony Edwards).[15][16][17]

References[edit]

^Mimi Leder (director), John Wells (writer) (1996-02-22). 'The Healers'. ER. Season 2. Episode 16. NBC.

^Keenleyside, Sam (April 1998). Bedside Manners: George Clooney and ER. ECW Press. p. 51. ISBN978-1-5502-2336-1.

^Tate, Nick (January 11, 2015). ''ER' Producer Dr. Neal Baer Turns Lens on Poverty, Education Reform'. Newsmax Media. Retrieved August 15, 2015.

^Potts, Kimberly (September 1, 2011). George Clooney: The Last Great Movie Star Revised and Updated Edition. Applause. p. 51. ISBN978-1-5578-3785-1.

^'Bravo > 100 Greatest TV Characters'. Bravo. Archived from the original on July 17, 2007. Retrieved November 11, 2006.

^Wilkinson, Amy (June 15, 2009). 'George Clooney – Paging Dr. Feelgood: 30 Great TV Doctors and Nurses – Photo 12 of 28'. Entertainment Weekly. Time Inc. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The Best TV Doctors For Surgeon General'. Fox News. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^Palan, Erica (October 11, 2011). '10 Best Doctors on Television'. Philadelphia Magazine. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^Martin, Rebecca (December 21, 2012). 'The 10 Hottest Male Doctors on TV'. Wetpaint. The Cambio Network. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The 16 Hottest Doctors On Television'. BuzzFeed. September 28, 2012. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^Potts, Kimberly (February 11, 2008). 'Best TV Couples of All Time'. AOL TV. Aol, Inc. Retrieved September 24, 2012.

^'Couples Pictures, ER Photos - Photo Gallery: The Best TV Couples of All Time'. TV Guide. Retrieved June 25, 2012.

^'Primetime Emmy nominations for 1995 - Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series'. Emmys.com. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'Primetime Emmy nominations for 1996 - Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series'. Emmys.com. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The 53rd Annual Golden Globe Awards (1996)'. Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The 54th Annual Golden Globe Awards (1997)'. Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Archived from the original on May 21, 2013. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The 54th Annual Golden Globe Awards (1998)'. Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

Emergency Room

External links[edit]

Bio at TNT.com

Official ER website at NBC.com

Hospital Er Rooms

Retrieved from 'https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Doug_Ross&oldid=991497793'

[okskz]

Talk It Out.

Elsy + Got7

the group has an early christmas dinner at elsy’s apartment and jackson forces her to talk it out with jinyoung.

day 17 of 25 days of okskz! hope you guys enjoy and please feel free to leave some feedback because it is always appreciated!

[8th Member of Got7]

Elsy sighed as she set the center piece on her dining table, the last thing she needed to set up. The boys would be arriving soon to have an early Christmas dinner she had planned and wanted all of them to come, even Jinyoung.

As much as she didn’t want to invite him, Elsy knew it would have looked wrong inviting everyone else minus him. So she sucked it up, and was going to face him tonight but still keep her distance.

Of course Elsy chose to have take out instead of actually cooking, knowing the last time she had tried to cook for them didn’t end so well. She checked off all the food that was on her kitchen counter when the bell to her apartment rang.

Quickly rushing over to it, she was met with Mark. “Tuan!” The two engulfed into a tight hug before he fully entered Elsy’s apartment.

“The others should be here soon, so make yourself at home.”

He had walked into the kitchen with her, looking at all the food. “You didn’t cook right?” He questioned, chuckling just a bit.

Elsy slugged her shoulders as she stared at him. “No, I didn’t. It’s all take out, so you guys won’t be dying tonight.”

“Just trying to make sure.” He lifted his hands up in surrender.

Elsy jokingly rolled her eyes as the bell rang again, causing her to rush to the door once more. When she opened it, this time it was Bambam and Yugyeom who were standing there. “My babes.” She smiled.

“Ew.” Bambam gagged.

“Hello to you too my lover.” Yugyeom winked.

The girl snorted, opening the door wider for the both of them to come in. And right as she was about to close it, Youngjae had stepped in. “I’m here too!” He said out of breath.

“Come on in.” She smiled. The two had walked into the kitchen, Elsy already hearing Bambam talk badly about her cooking while staring at the food.

“We can eat this right? Like we’re not going to die?” Bambam questioned, jokingly.

“No!” Elsy exclaimed. “It’s all take out. My cooking cannot be that bad.”

“It is.”

“Whatever.” Elsy rolled her eyes. “Screw all of you.” She looked into her wine cabinet, taking out some new bottles she had purchased just for this day and sat them on the dining table. And as she did, the bell rang once again.

“Can you get that for me, babe.” Elsy said to Yugyeom.

He did as he was told and both Jaebeom and Jackson had entered the apartment. “Hello!” Jackson cheered. He took out another wine bottle from a brown bag, handing it to Elsy. “Oh, I see you have a lot already but the more the merrier.” He chuckled.

“Perfect.” Elsy smiled as she placed it on the table with the rest.

The girl went ahead and started setting up the food on the dining table, saving some time for when Jinyoung would arrive but still there were no signs of him. Elsy checked her wrist watch, she did text Jinyoung beforehand on what time the dinner would start so the fact that he wasn’t there yet was odd to her. If anything, he was always early when it came to occasions like this.

Everyone was already sitting around the table, while Elsy checked her phone to see maybe he at least texted her, but nothing. “Shall we wait for Jinyoung? Or go ahead and start without him?” She questioned. She was slowly beginning to think he wasn’t going to show up.

“Uh-“ Jaebeom began but was cut off when the bell rang. “That must be him.”

Jackson went ahead and got the door, knowing Elsy and him weren’t on good terms and when the door opened, in came Jinyoung. “Sorry, I’m late. I’m here though.” He said, quickly taking a seat. Which happened to be right in front of Elsy.

He avoided her eye contact, looking around at all the other members instead.

Once everyone had poured wine in their cup, Elsy stood up to make a toast. “I just want to make a small toast, starting by saying thank you guys for coming here today. This year by far has not been very good with everything going on but the good thing is I still have you guys. And I want to say I love and appreciate every single one of you no matter what. You guys mean everything to make so here’s to us and hopefully next year is better and brings us new beginnings.” She rose her glass along with everyone else and took a sip of the wine. “Let’s eat. And by the way it’s all take out! So no you guys will not be dying today with my cooking.”

Everyone began laughing as Elsy sat down, serving herself a plate and the whole group began eating while having conversation. Throughout the dinner, both Elsy and Jinyoung continued to avoid each other. Every time Elsy would talk, Jinyoung wouldn’t bother to listen and vise versa. Jackson noticed everything of the two but decided not to say anything yet in sake of the dinner going so well. He didn’t want the two to begin fighting again in front of everyone.

After the dinner, Elsy began picking up everything while some of the members were in the living room, taking over her television. Jackson came up next to her, putting some dishes in the sink but then taking the one out of Elsy’s hand before she could begin to wash it. “Here I’ll take it from here.”

“No, Jackson-“

“I insist. You set up everything. The least I can do is clean.” He smiled. “Plus I think now is the right time to go and talk things out with Jinyoung.” He pointed his head to where Jinyoung was at.

Elsy turned her attention to where Jackson had pointed at, seeing Jinyoung outside in the balcony alone. She sighed as she turned back to Jackson. “I can’t.”

“Oh but you will.” Jackson said. “Go, Elsy. You two really need this.”

Elsy tried to change his mind but Jackson was set for the two to talk it out already. “Go.”

She took a deep breath before turning back around and walked out to the balcony. Jinyoung hard turned around for a second until realizing it was Elsy then turned right back around.

Elsy stood next to him but still kept a distance. “What are you doing out here?”

Jinyoung shrugged. “Just looking at the view of the city.”

The girl bit on her lip, not know what to say next or how to even start. So she was silent for a moment until she looked up at Jinyoung. “Can we talk?”

“Yeah.” Jinyoung nodded as the two faced each other.

“I don’t like how we’ve been with each other recently, I feel like we’ve been both acting real immature. And I have to apologize for throwing that water bottle at you the other day.”

“I’m sorry too. I haven’t been treating you right these past days. Especially blurting out your relationship with Chan. I’m sure you still wanted to keep that a secret.”

The girl nodded. “I don’t want you to be upset with me anymore.” Elsy stated. “I understand why you may not like him at the moment but Jinyoung you can’t stop me from liking him. Or being with Chan.”

“I understand that, Jiyeon.” Jinyoung nodded. “I guess I was just upset because he did hurt you and you even cried to me about it. I saw how hurt you were by him so I just couldn’t understand as to why out of nowhere you decided to like him or even think about being with him. I guess that was my protective side of me kicking in.”

“I always appreciate you looking out for me. From the moment I joined this group.” Elsy sighed. “But to maybe let you be less confused, I’ll start by saying I’ve always liked Chan when him and I were trainees.”

Jinyoung’s eyebrows furrowed so Elsy continued. “Yes I know, he told me the same but when I joined Got7 my feelings for him went away. And when we stopped talking well I was hurt of course but then we began talking again a little bit more and it made me realize how much I’ve missed him.” Elsy sighed.

“I didn’t want to see ten years of friendship just vanish. But then out of nowhere the feelings I had for him came back.” Elsy shrugged. “And so I told him, and well look how that turned out.”

“I see.” Jinyoung said, sighing.

“And you know, at the end of the day I forgive him because no matter what, Chan will always be my best friend.” She said. “And I really like him.”

“I can see that.” He said. “And I’m sorry that I got really upset over this and thought I could somehow control your life. Again, I was just trying to look over you. I hate seeing you hurt.”

“Jinyoung, it’s okay.” Elsy half smiled. “But you know I can also look over myself just fine.”

“Trust me, I know.” The shared a small laugh.

“Do you think we can just put this all behind us?” Elsy questioned, hopeful.

It took him awhile, but Jinyoung nodded his head, smiling at Elsy. “Yeah. I’d like that.” The went in for hug, staying in that position for awhile. Jinyoung began to tightly hug her. “To be honest, I don’t think I could ever stay mad you.”

He heard Elsy laugh a little, the two still continuing to hug.

Jackson was done with the dishes when he noticed the two hugging. He smiled at them, knowing they finally talked it. But right when he was passing the door to the balcony, he stopped dead in his tracks when he heard what Elsy had said.

“And us sleeping together. Let’s just act like that never happened.” She chuckled. Not realizing she had left the balcony door slightly open and Jackson hearing everything she said.

“I can live with that.” Jinyoung laughed. “Even if they were some of our greatest nights spent together. But you’re with Chan now, so I’ll respect your wishes.”

“Thank you.”

Jackson was in shock but knew something else had went down between the two. But what he heard was definitely not what he had expected. He moved away quickly and headed back into the kitchen right when Jinyoung and Elsy had came back inside. The two were smiling and while Jinyoung went to the living room, Elsy went straight to the kitchen.

“It went well.” Elsy grinned at Jackson.

“That’s great!” Jackson have her a thumbs up. For some reason he began feeling uneasy and Elsy caught it right away.

“Hey are you okay?” She questioned. “You seem a little off.”

“No, no.” Jackson waved her off. “I’m okay, must just be the wine or something.”

“But everything is all good.”

[grimey--gal]

First Writing Commission for: @squeaky-toy DM me about writing commissions!

***

Orphan Annie When other girls were dreaming about love, she dreamt of love too, but in an entirely different context - the ones they took for granted. 

- Donna Lynn Hope

She has seen enough colorless ads on department store display televisions to know that dolls were supposed to be loved. She still remembers the box she had been attached into, and the faces of little girls who came so close to buying her, before being ushered away by parents who were unconvinced that their daughter needed another toy. She remembers the hours of waiting, watching the cycle pass from night to day, and again, and once more. The different rushes of crowds and the slow drizzle of straggling passerbys. 

She still feels warm when she recalls the first time she was finally taken off of the shelf. It was a blonde girl, with wide blue eyes, and it was her birthday. She’d had both sets of parents, and was well off. She remembers wondering, as the girl cradled her and walked her up the grand staircase to a double front door, bronzed handles and all, what made the little girl want her all so much, when she already had everything.

The girl’s name was Greta, and she was so sheltered by her parents that toys were her only escape. Greta was creative and intelligent, and with the resources and time given to her, she created many things. She had cities erected all around the walls of her room, with airports and train stations and shops. She had a nanny and a piano teacher who visit twice a week, and a french tutor who came every other weekend. 

“And who is this?” they’d begun to ask, when Greta began to tote her around everywhere.

“Annabelle,” Greta said, and that was the first time she’d heard her name. It sounded like the piano mezzo, soft and beautiful. Annabelle began to hear her name in everything that Greta did, when she sang, when she had practice with her teacher, out in the yard, when she spoke to her as if they were dearest friends. 

Greta had had many other dolls, beautifully exquisite. There were porcelain dolls with sweet faces, angels with a halo and wings, with long curly hair that glistened in the light - all much more gorgeous and priceless than Annabelle. Greta had many beautiful things at her disposal, but it became quite clear that she loved none of them more than Annabelle, and Annabelle felt that surely, she had found her purpose in life, as Greta tucked in with her under soft duvets. She remembers looking up at the ornate ceiling, wondering if the feeling she had was what would be described as contentment. 

She remembers the unfortunate moment that she knew she would never feel this way again. 

The Highglasses were not only extremely wealthy, they also came with many enemies. The night Annabelle lost Greta, she remembers the house, burning to the ground, sitting outside it at a safe distance, hearing Greta’s dying screams, helpless. Unable to stop anything. She remembers the footfalls of someone beside her, speaking in hushed tones with a counterpart. It was a language different from the Highglasses, one she had never heard and did not understand. But she felt a dark heaviness settle into her, and she knew at once that everything had changed. 

She does not understand it right away, what it all means. She wants to cry big wet tears, like the ones she’d seen in Saturday morning cartoons with Greta, curled on the couch under her arm, a quilt over there legs. She still hears Greta’s voice, calling her name. More than anything, she still wishes she could have called back, even if just once. She is resigned to sitting where she is, watching a show, a sick farce.

Perhaps things were too good to be true. With Greta, life was beyond compare. She had always knows she was out of place amongst the porcelain and fine-china dolls. They are in ruin now, and so is she. Although merely singed, she cannot feel quite the same as she had. She stays there, forced to watch the horrors unfold until the first responders and police force arrive. The Highglasses are declared all dead, and no one can hear the anguish she feels. She is taken in by a female chief, who is a single woman with a child. 

This is when he begins to speak within her, and she knows his name. Baalberith knows everything and all things about her, and he whispers of darkness and death. She can smell blood on his breath, and hear termites in his teeth. He says her name, and each time, she feels as if she remembers Greta and her music less and less. The more she tries to cling to the memories, the louder he whispers, harsh and unforgiving. 

You are naught but a vessel, he says. Greta is done. Annabelle has begun. 

The daughter of the police chief is a wild contrast to Greta. Her name, Annabelle discovers, is Penelope Green, and she has tight curls and warm brown skin. But the first time she holds her, Annabelle wants to cry, and she wants to go to a home that does not exist anymore. She finds it hard, anchoring the deep pain of losing Greta, and she hardly notices when Baalberith speaks her name to Penelope for the first time.

“What should I call you, huh? You look like a Maxine, or a Carrie,” Penelope Green says. 

Annabelle, Baalberith speaks, before Annabelle can stop him. She could not stop him anyways, she knows this. She does not even have the power to try. She can see the struggle in Penelope’s eyes, who wants desperately to choose between the names she had preferred, but it comes anyways, sliding off of her tongue. 

“Annabelle,” Penelope says, eyes wide and copper, two identical pennies. Annabelle knows she is beautiful, and she knows that something will come of this. “Alright, I think I can feel that. You’re my friend now, okay?”

Baalberith seems to be satisfied in the moment, and there is peace for the next few weeks. Penelope is not the duchess that Greta was, but she has the voice of an angel, and she is a brilliant writer, even at her young years of ten. She has rich characters and stories, and she tells them to Annabelle through the long hours of the day. Annabelle finds herself missing her when she is away at school, and longing for the sound of the doorknob signaling her return. 

She tries not to open herself to Penelope, but it is hard when she catches the dimples in her cheeks, or rests in her arms as they curl under a blanket at Ti-Ti Loretta’s house, watching the Railway Children on a small television set. Penelope crushes stove-top popcorn against Annabelle’s mouth, and Annabelle is sure that Penelope knows that she cannot eat, not really, but the sentiment is melting, nonetheless. Penelope chatters throughout the entire film, but Annabelle cannot seem to mind, as the girl is much more entertaining. 

Annabelle finds herself living in Penelope’s stories, and the first time Penelope tells her a story in which she is the beautiful heroine, she finds herself overwhelmed. 

“You are the bravest girl in your neighborhood, and no one dares to cross you. That’s why I knew I had to be your best friend,” Penelope says.

Annabelle doesn’t feel brave, but she is warmed by honor of how Penelope sees her. She brings her to life in ways that she had never felt possible. Sometimes, she forgets it is Penelope who guides her hands, and feels as if she moves on her own. 

It is when she opens her heart at last, ready to heal, when Penelope’s aunt comes home to break the news that her mother has died on the field. Penelope does not cry, just asks questions and tries to understand. Annabelle feels her squeeze fingers around her cotton stuffed arm, and thinks she has truly never meant anyone so full of courage. 

They sleep together with Aunt Loretta, and Penelope holds her tighter than ever, and she wishes she could do more. This is when Baalberith speaks again. 

A home of misery is a home to thrive in, Annabelle, he growls. She panics. We must commence. We are harbingers of death and despair. I will speak through you. 

She does not want this, but he does not ask. She realizes quickly that he does not care to ask and he never will. She watches as the blanket slides down to the floor, and Penelope is dragged off the bed and out of the door, screaming her aunt awake. 

She cannot move. She can never move. But she can hear the parade of terror as Aunt Loretta tries to bring her little niece down from the wall. She pleads with Baalberith, but he is silent, allowing the trauma to sweep through the house. The sirens come soon, and the echoes of Aunt Loretta crying stick to the walls.

Penelope calls her name, and this hurts the worst. She cannot save her dear Penelope, in the same way she could not save her darling Greta. What is the point of being a doll, she wonders, if she cannot give to her child in need, especially in an hour like this? 

“I want Annabelle!” Penelope cries, and there are armed officers and medical physicians who search the house. Annabelle is lifted up by the hand and taken out into the living room, where she can finally see and assess the damage. The place is completely destroyed, and Penelope is bruised, bloodied, and there are patches in her head where hair has been forcefully ripped out. 

“Don’t hold her like that, you’re hurting her arm,” Penelope chides the officer, who adjusts how he holds her and gingerly lays her into Penelope’s arms. 

Aunt Loretta is taken in for questioning, despite her and Penelope’s cries of dismay and disagreement. Penelope is taken with the ambulance, and she clings to Annabelle tighter than she’d ever had before. The lights are so bright, and Penelope has a glassy look in her eyes that weighs Annabelle down more than ever. She only hopes that her closeness brings her girl even the smallest of comforts.

However, things only escalate for the worst in the hospital, and Annabelle watches a second love die before her eyes.

No one can point to the source. No one can find a face to blame. Every intern and employee in the hospital office watch each other in suspicion and trepidation. Annabelle is nearly forgotten, until one of the nurses comes across her and tosses her into the garbage disposal in disgust. 

“That thing was so creepy,” the nurse says to his partner, who laughs casually. “The things are so ugly.” 

Annabelle had never been called ugly before. Somehow though, she had always felt she was. Baalberith whispers to her in her shock and wounding, the ripe scent of demise close at hand. She lays atop the pile of refuse, staring at a blue sky and hearing black words. Just under her skin, he stays muttering. 

She tries to ignore him, and thinks on Greta, and Penelope, for they had loved her. But thoughts of them only bring a deeper sorrow, and she finds herself unable to escape. Even her own mind has been overtaken, and she has no corner for herself to grieve as any doll who had lost their child should be allowed. 

I will not love again, she thinks to herself, and Baalberith hisses in delight and approval. 

But she is picked up weeks later by another small child, a girl with dark hair and sad eyes. Her clothes are dirty and her shoes have holes in them, and the first time she spots Annabelle among the trash she is digging amongst she squeals and holds her up as if she has come upon buried treasure. For all she is lacking, she may as well have. 

Baalberith shines hungry teeth, and speaks to her immediately. “Annabelle- you are so special! I didn’t know that dolls could talk. I have to take you home with me!” 

And she does, and there are seven siblings with their parents in a household, along with a grandmother. Unlike Greta and Penelope, Belinda has a full and lively life, despite the lack of material things. Belinda is quick to share Annabelle with her sisters and brothers, eager to tell them of just how unique Annabelle is. Baalberith does not speak, but the siblings still crowd around Annabelle, each wanting a turn. 

“She’s so dirty, Belinda!” the grandmother reprimands her. “Where did you get her, the slums?”

“She’s mine, Abuela, and I love her,” Belinda pleads. “Can’t she live here now? We are not so clean ourselves, anyways.”

The grandmother mutters something under her breath, but she does not berate Belinda further. Belinda is left to play with Annabelle and show her around the three room house. The parents sleep in the bedroom with the grandmother, and the children sleep in the living room on the couch and on a mattress on the floor. The clothes are in neat piles around the house, and each pile is for each member of the family. The nicer clothes are hung near the door, so they do not wrinkle. There is one bathroom, and everything is stacked and crowded on a tiny vanity. The father and mother work, and the grandmother stays at home to cook and care for the children. 

“It’s so nice to sleep with my brothers and sisters,” Belinda tells her. “Everything is so warm and cozy. You will love it, Annabelle.” 

Love. Annabelle hardens herself, but it is a challenge. If lying next to one beating heart was difficult, lying near several is excruciating. But the burden of two souls that she had lost left her at the crossroads. Either path she takes, she is hurting. The question is whether she hurts now or later. 

Without her choosing, it is later, as over the next few weeks she falls in love with Belinda and her family and has opened herself yet again. Despite her better judgment, she thinks that this time, things will be alright. She has not heard from Baalberith in quite a while, after all. He has been silent longer than usual. She begins to believe that he is not even within her anymore, and now she has been freed to finally live the life she has always desired, ever since her first conscious thoughts on the department shelf. 

I just want to be a doll, she cries inside, as Baalberith strikes once more, leaving Belinda’s home a source of trauma for the rest of Belinda’s life. It has been made clear, through the series of events leading up to it, that Annabelle is the source of the horror. Belinda is the sole survivor, and she takes Annabelle into her hands and shakes her angrily, tears in her eyes. 

“I trusted you!” she screams at her. Her eyes are bright and brimming, and the look of betrayal makes Annabelle wish that Belinda would rip her apart. She is sure that dolls cannot physically die, not really, but she still wishes all the same. Anything to make herself disappear in this moment. “I was always so nice to you! All I had was my family, and now I don’t even have you!” 

I’m sorry! Annabelle wants to scream back. It isn’t me! But she can say nothing as always, only watch through painted on eyes, and for the first time, she understands that this will always be her destiny. There is nothing she can say or do to sway Baalberith and his undeniable thirst for destruction and death. No suggestion, no play on words, no bargaining can persuade him from his path. 

Belinda tosses her to the ground, crying to the moon, alone. Annabelle cannot cry with her, but she wants nothing more than to be able to. Instead, she is imprisoned on the ground, suffering through Belinda’s wails for hours until someone finally finds her and picks her up, doing everything that Annabelle ever wanted to do. She watches a third love be carried away, and although the screams are loud in her head, she knows that no one will ever hear her. 

She is lying near the remains of the house on her lonesome for years. She watches as it crumbles before her. People come by, but no one buys it. They are frightened away or altogether too saddened by the aura surrounding it. Whenever a child is with a potential buyer, she is torn between desperately hoping that the child notices her and picks her up and wants her, and hoping that no one notices her at all. She can hear the screams still, of everyone she’s lost. The torturous cycle continues. Annabelle, Annabelle, Annabelle!

Annabelle. She does not want to hear that name anymore. But hear it she must, and hear it she does, over and over again, until her heart has broken and repaired itself into exhaustion. Each time, she falls for the trap of loving the arms she falls into, and each time again, she is broken as a result of her repetitive naivety. 

Until one day, she is not.

By the time a student nurse picks her up, examining her with a friend, she is numb. They have found her after yet another child arrived with her in tow into ICU, and did not survive. Annabelle can hardly count the amount of children whose lives she’s decimated against her will. She hardly remembers what Greta looked like, or how Penelope sounded when she sang to her. She cannot remember how many siblings Belinda had, or the Spanish words she had taught her. She hardly remembers any of them. She does not want to remember any of it, anyways. She does not consider it a loss. For the first time, even as she is gently cradled in a loving embrace, Annabelle feels nothing. She is orphaned of emotion. No hopes, no love. She has no thoughts in her head. 

Annabelle, Baalberith whispers yet again, hungry, and the two nurses’ eyes widen.

She is inanimate. 

[tamedbyafox]

Aziraphale's British Bake-Off

Aziraphale doesn't own a television, but he does frequent the pastry shops of London. And a surprising number of them have been baking his old favourites. He finally notices the pattern, and finds out what - and who - caused it.

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Aziraphale doesn’t own a television. He certainly doesn’t pay for a cable license. He knows that people watch television on their computer through streaming companies, but he doesn’t actually know how one accesses them. But, he does stay generally up to date on human news - he still likes getting the paper(s). He’ll check out the TV Guides and see what, generally is getting played nowadays, just to make sure they haven’t strayed too far into demonic territory. (Truthfully, for much of the twentieth century, some woman named Mary Whitehouse was doing quite a job trying to make television even more holy and staid than heaven would approve of.) However, most of what’s on looks like Crowley’s work and so he just goes back to reading and drinking.

So you can only imagine the shocked and excited wiggles Aziraphale exhibits when the generic little pastry shop in SoHo has a pastry he hasn’t seen in ages.

There are gorgeous little pork pies, hand raised, and the flavors are the ones he remembers from ages ago. It looks just like the ones they used to do with the little wooden dollies, pushing it up and twisting as they… he stops dead as he notices. The wooden dollies. They’re on the shelf, just behind the counter. There are three that have got flour on the handle and he’s certain the proprietor used one to shape these little packets of porcine pleasure.

Now, truly, pork pies and such had never really gone away but they hadn’t been make like this for ages, not since aluminum became cheap and tins were so easy to come by. Especially not in a standard little bakery like this one. Aziraphale thinks it “charmingly common”; by which he means this is a pastry shop that makes its living off some solid bread, the standard buns, birthday cakes, and the nostalgic fare of the current middle aged British man. Nothing as adventurous as a 100 year old pie making technique.

He buys one and revels both in the pie and in the nostalgia, the memory of this pastry from another lifetime.

Another day, another stroll through SoHo, another little pastry shop.

The kouign amann had been invented hundreds of years ago and he was quite fond of it. The perfect ratio of flour, butter, sugar to create a fluffy yet solid  and slightly crunchy cake. He had a soft spot for a more personal reason as well. When the insult “cream puff” had become popular, Aziraphale felt the sting of knowing he was, most certainly, a cream puff. But Crowley had drunkenly announced one night that if anyone knew their baked goods they’d know that Aziraphale was a kouign-amann – yes, soft and buttery and fluffy, but he had a hard shell and could probably break your teeth if you caught him on a bad day. Aziraphale had been able to find the delectable pastry on and off in more discerning bakeries in the city. But he had certainly not expected to find it in this place. It wasn’t the same pastry shop as the pork pies – but it was of a similar vein. A solid shop, nothing remarkable.

He sees the giant, classic kouign-amann – a rounded cake cut into slices that glistened in the pastry case and noticed that there were several slices already missing. Below it, there were scattered little kouign-amanns; tiny cupcake like things all pinched into a flower shape. He bought two little ones and a slice of the big one; indulging in the caramel shellac on the rich butter pastry.  He saw several more kouign-amanns over the next few months, and was thrilled the little pastry had made a comeback.

These regular strolls for pastry kept Aziraphale well updated to the changes of London. He’d noticed that lately, there were more cute little pastry shops. A veritable bakery explosion. These were ones with adventurous owners, willing to dredge up older European recipes and bring them to the forefront. He was thrilled that all of a sudden his favorites were back and people were putting modern spins on old classics. He started adding pastry shops to the list of alternative rendezvous spots for he and Crowley.

It’s during one of their ostensible meetings to discuss the end of the world, and they’re on their way to a pastry shop Aziraphale thinks quite highly of. A cute place, small and modern. The proprietor liked a soft turquoise and lilac décor, reminiscent of spring. She had set up small mismatched tables and chairs in the front of the space, and had drip coffee and tea available. She displayed her work in the usual counter-come-pastry-case, as well as refurbishing some gorgeous old bookshelves and curio cabinets as cases for her cakes and pies. It was, frankly, vaguely reminiscent of Aziraphales’ bookshop – as though it were the cute niece of a stodgy old uncle. A clear family resemblance, one might say.

 Of course, the pastries are delectable. Aziraphale wouldn’t frequent a place if the pastries were not up to snuff. But in addition, the variety of little pastries was absolutely astonishing, the flavours were inventive and novel, and the cakes are gorgeous. The owner is a lovely young woman who is kind and loves people as much as her baking. The only questionable thing is the framed artwork of Mary Berry as the Holy Mother over the cash register. But, no one is perfect, and Aziraphale can overlook a little tongue-in-cheek blasphemy for a nice hot cross bun and the gentle suggestion that the young lady give a little bit of her profit to charity. As… heavenly licensing fees, you might say.

He and Crowley are strolling down the street, yammering about something – they had started with the Anti-Christ, moved to shocking and unusual modes of death, and somehow wound up talking about the viciousness of waterfowl. Crowley is trying to come up with the details of some story as they enter, and Aziraphale has tuned him out to marvel at the pastries on serve today. There’s gorgeous mille-feuille, eclairs, profiteroles – those actually may be religieuses, good lord – assorted biscuits and fondant fancies, a Battenberg Cake, and…. No. No. That cannot be what he thinks it is.

Aziraphale stops in his tracks and throws his hand out to stop Crowley.

“Crowley!” – the angel interrupted a commentary on geese and Crowley looked around, shocked. Aziraphale, when sober, was an incredibly polite conversationalist and would only have interrupted for an emergency.

“Tell me, what do you think that is?” Aziraphale was pointing to the monstrosity in the place of honor on the cake shelf.  The light caught it and it nearly sparkled. If a cake could look proud of itself, this one would. This is the sort of cake you imagine on the table of particularly opulent minor kings; with more money than sense.

Thick discs of snow white meringue piped into intricate swirls. Glossy whipped cream peeking out between the layers.  A hint of a strawberry, hiding inside the middle layer. Dainty crystalized flowers scattered along it. It looked as light as a feather and as though if you so much as breathed on it, it would scatter like a daydream.

Crowley scowled, but visibly relaxed as he realized there wasn’t any danger. He blew a raspberry and leaned back, as if getting a wider view would help. “I don’t know, but looks like a thing you ate in Austria…ooooh, years ago.” Crowley’s “oooh” told Aziraphale he was right. This cake was ancient. Museum levels of Ancient. Impossibly ancient.

Beneath it was a little sign – Aziraphale strode up to read it, and in neat script it proclaimed “Spanische Windtorte”, underneath, in slightly smaller script, “The Fanciest Cake in Vienna”.

It came rushing back to Aziraphale. A quick trip to Austria, much like his quick pop over to France, for some miracles and some local delicacies. He had known Crowley was over in that part of the world, and they had seen each other at parties, balls held by nobles. It was the height of the Baroque period, and everything was over the top. Aziraphale remembered the opulence, the decadence, the almost tortured aspect of the era. The Catholic church had encouraged opulence as counter to growing Protestant asceticism. Aziraphale didn’t have strong opinions on the art or architecture – but the “more is more” approach to pastry suited him just fine, thank you very much.

He attended the parties for the arguable purpose of encouraging the religious fervor of the time and smattering some blessings around. The fact that his blessing rate directly correlated with the quality of the deserts was just a coincidence. The fact that he only stayed long enough to bless people if Crowley was there was, also, a coincidence. Crowley justified attending in order to push this new opulence over to outright hedonism, and because demons loved a lavish party. Crowley, however, hated parties, and would often simply stroll around causing small mischief until he figured out whether Aziraphale would show up to thwart him. If it became clear Aziraphale wasn’t coming, he would throw out one last temptation for someone to stick another bauble on a church somewhere with money they could have used to help people and call it a night.

Aziraphale hadn’t seen a Spanische Windtorte in eons. And certainly not one so well done as this. He looked over, the young woman who owned the place was helping customers and grinning. She was no more than 30, there was no way she had ever seen these in their heyday- her great  grandmother probably hadn’t even seen these. So what inspires a girl to make a fussy, difficult, ornate confection that people probably have never seen? What ancient book did she drag this out of?

Aziraphale hung back, appearing to peruse the pastry case for much longer than was necessary. He wanted the line to dwindle so he could introduce himself properly to the owner and find out more about her passion for outdated pastry. Crowley sighed as he stood by, but knew better than to try anything to hurry this up. Any infernal acts against this bakery would be met with a quick reprimand.

Finally, the shop emptied out and Aziraphale stood up primly and walked over.  Crowley followed behind him, hands in his pockets and bored look on his face. Aziraphale folded his hands in front of him as he waited, and sprinkled a little bit of a suggestion into the air – encouraged the owner to recognize him, and ask his name.

She smiled as she finished closing the cash drawer.

“Good mo- oh, hey.” She switched to a warmer, informal greeting when the suggestion took hold. “You and your friend come in quite often, but I don’t think we’ve ever actually met. I’m Lil.” She extended a hand to Aziraphale, looked down and saw the powdered sugar on it, and pulled it back quickly while flipping it up, “Sorry – baker’s life, constantly a little powdery.”

“No offense taken, my dear,” Aziraphale assured her “I am Ezra Fell, this is Anthony Crowley.” Crowley gave a nonchalant nod as the girl smiled, and Aziraphale plowed on. “Tell me, where in the world did you get the inspiration for that absolutely decadent Windtorte? I haven’t seen one of those in, oh, it feels like centuries. Long before you would have even made your first cookie.” He ended with the indulgent smile he knew people found comforting, the one that made him seem a friendly old confirmed bachelor.

Lil huffed a light laugh but looked a little confused. “You don’t know?  Ezra, you’ve tried every pastry in this case, and you’re telling me you don’t know where I saw a Spanische Windtorte?”

Aziraphale couldn’t tell if he was more offended by her presumptuous attitude or by her pronunciation of Windtorte- with an almost exaggerated accent.

“I certainly don’t, they’re quite an old dish and I haven’t seen one in some time, regardless of how many pastries I do or don’t eat.” Aziraphale drew himself up to his full height and frowned primly as he watched Lily’s eyebrows shoot up and she glanced at Crowley, trying to suss out what she had done wrong. The realization dawned on her face, and suddenly she looked contrite.

“You don’t watch the Great British Bake Off, do you? The cooking competition? I’m sorry, I just assumed anyone as interested in pastry as you are would jump at it, and that you knew it from there too! I’m so sorry, that probably seemed really rude!” She tripped over herself to apologize, and Aziraphale sensed that the exaggerated pronunciation had been a reference to a character on the show. He softened immediately, and replied “No, I don’t, I don’t own a television. More of a reader, or a listener.” Were radios still something people used? He wasn’t certain. They were listening to something all the time but he wasn’t sure what it was.

Crowley interjected “Yeah, he’s hooked on podcasts – my fault, shouldn’t have gotten him into them.” Aziraphale could hear the shit-eating grin on Crowley’s face. He knew that he probably would not like podcasts, whatever they were.

Lily turned to Aziraphale and said “You’d love it, it’s a reality show….competition, folks have to bake a three dishes every week, and they bring up a lot of older or less popular bakes. It’s been on for a few years now – and they did one a while back with a Spanische Windtorte, and I thought I’d give it a shot. That’s the first one good enough to put in the shop, they’re tricky. You should get into it! Its online now, I know Netflix has a few seasons. Enough to whet your appetite at least.”

“I don’t have Netflix either, I’m afraid.” Aziraphale knew vaguely that Netflix was a streaming service, and that “Netflix and Chill” was something indecent, but he had always classed it with the rest of the modern things he didn’t need.

Lily shook her head, “Alright, well, I think you’d really like it so if you want, I’ll give you my login. I don’t mind sharing, but only if you promise me you’re gonna watch it.” Aziraphale wasn’t sure how to handle this offer – it seemed generous and genuine, but also too much and of dubious legality.

“I’ve got one, no worries.” Crowley had jumped into the conversation, saving Aziraphale from trying to do the math on how much he could accept from this woman.

“Well, you’ll just have to bring this luddite up to speed then Anthony.” Lily smiled at Crowley, and Crowley gave a rare smile, soft and pleasant. Aziraphale was impressed that Lily had gotten that from him so quickly.

“And Ezra! Let me know who your favourite baker is!” Lily called as they left.  Aziraphale had asked for about 15 different pastries, and Lily had offered him the Windtorte, and quoted a price much below was Aziraphale knew it was worth. He told her yes, but asked if he could pick it up tomorrow, because that sort of artwork would need to be on display for a little longer in order to inspire a revival.

Aziraphale walked down the street with Crowley, musing over the show. “So tell me, dear, was that show your idea? Force fiddly, old fashioned, obscure baked goods onto the British public, punish some bakers, and see how unpleasant you can make the bakeries of the United Kingdom?”

Crowley shrugged while walking, an impressive feat; “Nah. Not entirely my doing. The idea was already there. All I did was get the ear of the folks who decide what the Technicals are. Paul’s even worse for torture than I am, I just get him information he’d never have otherwise. You figure 6000 years of time, and at least 3000 of them watching you drool over European pastries, I know what no one else does. I would know what would really hurt to make.” After a pause, he continued: “Backfired a bit though, people loved it, got into baking and started owning bakeries and bringing back lost recipes. Now baking isn’t scary and more people are spending quality time together in the kitchen.” He slipped into a sneer at the very end, like he couldn’t imagine a worse thing than increasing the amount of love-filled baked goods in the world.

Aziraphale glanced sidelong at Crowley as they walked, and recognized the indulgent exasperation there. Crowley had made the same face many years ago, in a theatre not too far from where they walked. A little miracle, just to make Aziraphale happy, was all he had asked Crowley for. Just this one play, to show Shakespeare he could do more than comedy. Crowley had gone above and beyond, knowing that a few successes would ensure that something Aziraphale loved stayed around forever. They were constantly putting on Hamlet, classic versions, modernized ones, ones with strange twists. Disney had re-done Hamlet with Lions, and a happier ending, ensuring that even children were exposed to the story of the father-avenging Danish prince. And this…Technicals business was quite similar. Crowley, who didn’t even eat and could barely be bothered to pay attention to anything but a wine list, had specifically meddled in a baking show. Seeding it with all of Aziraphales’ favourites, probably justifying a few miracles to help it take off and reach maximum frustration when people tried to recreate it at home. And instead, people had brought back all the bakes that Aziraphale had been missing. He thought about all the quaint bakeries he and Crowley had spent time in. About all the complicated, old, fiddly little pastries he had watched Aziraphale eat in the past few years.

“Well.” Aziraphale wiggled his shoulders as he stepped up onto the bottom stair to the bookshop. He looked back at Crowley. “I, for one, am quite grateful” – at his pause, Crowley started to open his mouth in protest – “that your wiles were so thoroughly thwarted.” He opened the door and gestured Crowley inside. “After you. I’ve got some lovely dessert wines in the back, if you’d set up this Bake-Off?”

Three weeks later, Aziraphale and Lily are in the back of her shop, gushing about Chetna’s Orange Savarin over a plate of éclairs. Crowley is peeking through her recipe books, trying to surreptitiously find the name of the angel’s favourite little cookie from Lebanon.