#they also always complain about social emotional learning and while i agree it sucks i think they think it sucks for different reasons

[hugepolecat3298]

oh also more about that post i was talking about in the tags of the graduation post: someone in the comments was like ‘yeah its just like a participation trophy for finishing the easiest years of your life’ or something to that idea and like wow youre out of your fucking mind if you think thats an appropriate thing to say to the teenagers who everyone agrees are currently going through a godawful mental health crisis like i hate to break it to you but if you say that to your actual irl students at least one of them will use it as an excuse to genuinely kill themself like that statement isn’t anything but encouraging suicide you’re not funny

[retvenkos]

“does this come in black?”

SOME GENERAL HEADCANONS ABOUT PANSY PARKINSON, BECAUSE SHE DESERVES TO BE FLESHED OUT...

(i’m disregarding canon because canon sucks for so many slytherins. anyway...)

so pansy is the youngest of a family of three

she had two older brothers who were older than her by like, 8 and 9 years

so when she goes to hogwarts, she does not have a clan, thus her immediately making friends with draco. she had to find a pack quick.

also, since her brothers are so much older than her, she has this kind of weird attitude where she had the attention of an only child but also the power of being the youngest sibling?

her parents definitely dote on her. she’s the only girl in the family, y’know?

but also, because of that, a lot of pressure is on her shoulders

she has a lot to live up to and she is very much that kid who wants her parents’ approval

i think what puts pansy in slytherin is her cunning

pansy definitely knows how to get what she wants, and even if she isn’t always subtle about it, she manages to get it, in the end.

and she loves gossip, so she learns so much from the grapevine that she could use against you in she really wanted to...

i also think she has a fair bit of self-preservation

although blaise is clearly the best in this category, maybe he gives her tips every once in a while

i agree with the majority of the fandom that she is a lesbian and pretends to be in love with draco as a cover up

they’re actually just really great friends. i think that around fourth year, draco stops seeing her as being lesser and actually starts to enjoy her company.

yes, pansy can be annoying as hell, but so can he so honestly kudos to them for being able to handle each other

also! pansy, draco, theo nott, and blaise zabini are an iconic friend group, you cannot convince me otherwise

and being the only girl in the group, she has an interesting role to play

again, pansy has two brothers, so she’s definitely comfortable hanging out with the boys - maybe even more so than hanging out with other girls

she’s also very blunt

which means if any of the boys are saying anything sexist, she is calling them out before they even finish, her argument very convincing because she knows your every thought and will use it against you.

so she can definitely hold her own in the friend group, don’t think she’s out of place, because she most definitely is not

she and draco are the more dramatic friends

she and blaise are the silently-judging-you friends

and she and theo are a more unlikely pair but they can bond over feeling left out or alienated, sometimes

(theo is a half-blood with some clear daddy issues that make it hard for him to socialize and pansy is disliked by the other girls in her year for a number of reasons. the two of them often go to each other to have someone to study with or talk literature. any emotional or quiet moments are spent with theo.)

and what i also love is that pansy is affectionate and she brings that out in all of the boys

draco definitely lets her do it the most: he will 10/10 put his head in her lap and allow her to stroke his hair while he complains about potter, weasley, and granger

and theo will let her hold onto his arm while they read in the common room

and while blaise is the least into her affection, she will put a hand on his shoulder before leaving the group and he suppresses a smile

give blaise affection, damnit

i just feel like pansy can be really sweet with those she cares about

and she really does  c a r e  about those boys

maybe she became friends with them for the clout at the beginning, but she really grew to trust them and lean on them in her times of need.

and i feel like the stereotypical mean girl™ pansy is a phase that she kind of grows out of by fourth year

because after cedric comes back dead, things are real

i wish we got to have a slytherin character that the trio was friends with in the 5th year and on, because there could have been so much insight as to how the kids of death eaters were coping. but i guess that’s too much for j.k. so...

and yeah muggle-borns are beneath her and shouldn’t be able to come to her same school, but should they die?

i feel like that’s a big leap in ideology right there, and it’s hard to know who would be fine with taking that jump.

but, remember, pansy wants her family's approval

so, for the sake of appearances, she does her best to hold things together

and maybe it’s blaise that gives her quiet, innocuous tips on how to keep a stiff upper lip.

he’s been there. he knows what it’s like to have rumors swirl around your family.

and maybe it’s draco that sits with her in the common room, letting her vent while he braids her hair

he’s been there. he knows what it’s like to have people be wary of your family.

and maybe it’s theo that slips her notes in class with inspiring quotes from his latest novel

he’s been there. he knows what it’s like to be a mistrusted outsider.

and she keeps it all in.

oh! and i know that hermione says that pansy is thick, but pansy isn’t an idiot.

she’s average at most things, and if she loves it she will put in the time to improve.

she’s actually really good at defense against the dark arts

and in the summer before her sixth year she made her own spell to bypass the charmed locks on her parents’ liquor cabinet (she had been trying to get in for at least a year)

she, theo, draco, and blaise drank together for the first time that night and got piss drunk

draco is actually a weepy, sad drunk

blaise is a happy, affectionate drunk

theo is that kind of philosophical drunk who just wants to give an entire essay on the meaning of life or wants to talk for five hours about his favorite kind of chocolate

and pansy is that kind of reckless drunk who just really wants to slide down the banister

they tried to play truth or dare but draco wouldn’t stop crying about how he had actually been really mean to buckbeak and pansy was one dare away from attempting to apparate without prior training.

ANYWAY

yes, pansy’s mean and she’s a bully, but she is loyal to a fault when it comes to her friends

and she is protective as hell

she wants you to pull a wand on her. she dares you to.

she will hex you into next week without a second thought

oh, and as for physical traits, i’ve always imagined pansy with a black bob and bangs

she definitely has the best winged eyeliner and dark lip

and if another slytherin asks her how she does it, at first she’ll think it’s some kind of roundabout way to be mean, but when she sees they’re genuine, she will 100% teach them, giving them an old eyeliner she doesn’t use anymore

she’s also short! blaise will make fun of her and she will not hesitate to obliterate his kneecaps.

i like to think that she thought of herself as not being pretty when she was younger, but blaise was like,,, beauty is literally just makeup

and then she learns and is instantly in love.

she goes for a dramatic look. all. the. time.

and being a part of the sacred 28, she probably got a dark mark alongside draco - maybe after him, before their seventh year

and he is there for her, telling her everything is going to be okay.

and after voldemort is gone, they leave ugly scars

and theo knows what that’s like - to have ugly scars that remind you of terrible realities - so he takes her to get a tattoo to cover it

and it’s a vine full of flowers - black and white pansies

AND FLUFF ENSUES.

[risingmoonyue]

Batman/P5 Crossover

-Sometime before Akechi but after Futaba or Haru

-Damian is sent to Tokyo to check it out for whatever reason (maybe they had a fight, or he’s going stir crazy, or he’s just the only one they can send at the time and didn't bother with all that "you're not old enough" business)

-Dami is younger than Futaba by a year or three or four

-He is baby

-He is transferred to Shujin as a child prodigy where he also immediately joins the "outcast" community because of his attitude and intelligence

-Talia goes too, manages to cut off all his communications with the Batfam, and is planning to take him home in a month whether he likes it or not

-For whatever reason, Batfam doesn't realize this??? (Like, either she's faking reports or they're too busy (think fight or chaos in Gotham scenario maybe???))

-Anyways, obviously Dami doesn't want this

-Somehow the Phantom Thieves hear about the situation

-Maybe he was assigned to shadow Makoto for a while, and they managed to overhear a phone conversation either to Talia or Dami trying to get in touch with the Batfam and nothing really working

-And eventually they outright see him fighting with his mother with him at some point (either in person or over a phone call) mentioning that she already disowned him, he's happy with his Father's family, and that he will head her family business over his dead body—and oh would you look at that, you already managed that, care to try again Mother?

-The PT's are understandably alarmed

-And learn her name from Damian (from Makoto maybe or someone else he bonded a little with) (MORGANA) (THEY GAVE HIM MONA FOR A DAY AND NOW THEY KNOW EVERYTHING FROM HIS MANY PETS TO HIS LEAST TO MOST FAVORITE SIBLINGS STARTING FROM TIM TO DICK TO HIS FAVORITE FOODS TO EVERYONE IN HIS FAMILY’S NAMES TO HOW STUPID HE FINDS EVERYONE AND WHY THEY'RE STUPID TO HIS FAVORITE MUSIC TO WHY ANIMALS ARE SUPERIOR TO HUMANS AND MONA’S LIKE OMG TMI BUT LOVED IT THERE BECAUSE HE WAS PAMPERED LIKE NO TOMORROW GOT ONLY THE BEST FOOD AND THE BEST BEDS AND TOYS THAT HE GOT TO TAKE WITH HIM BACK TO LEBLANC AND NOW AKIRA AND SOJIRO ARE LIKE DUDE WHY AND MONA’S LIKE IM KEEPING HIM THIS HUMAN IS GOOD SORRY AKIRA YOU’RE DEMOTED)

-The palace is basically a fortress full of assasin ninjas and clones

-Dunno what her keywords are tho

-Or her what her palace actually is

-Help?????????

-Cognitive Bruce, Ra's, Damian, Dami clones, and Jason (maybe rest of batfam??? Idk)

-Long story short, the traps are so assassin-y that they need someone who knows the actual Talia because egads, this is the closest they have all come to actually dying

-And they didn't really want to do it and were just gonna power through

-But Dami manages to find out and get in and of course uses his background to help out whether they like it or not

(-he's slightly off put by Joker's name, but then decides to just solely call Gotham!Joker "The Clown")

-At some point they are captured by the Shadow Talia who is decked out in super fancy traditional Arab clothing and probably every conceivable hidden weapon known to man

-Talia says Damian won't and can't ever change from who he "is meant to be", referring to him as her Alexander and basically brutally addresses all of his insecurities concerning the batfam and people and society in general

-And all this is kinda killing him cause he still loves Talia despite the fact that she killed him and had a violent citywide custody battle with Batman but he also loves the batfam too even if he would absolutely never admit it (except to maybe Grayson)

-Joker does his emotional kick-start thing and/or Dami is like Makoto and just gets so mad he triggers it himself, but either way, lo and behold, Damian is now a persona user, usurping Futaba's place as the baby of the team

-The outfit is kinda inspired by his future adult league outfit with the top and bottom and gold jewelry, but has a raggedy cloak with dull gold edges, a Robin mask and gauntlets, and his main weapons are batarang-sword hybrids

---acknowledging his past and moving on with his present

-Persona: Aladdin, Tsun Zu, Ali Baba, somone else???? Need ideas plz help

-Probably the fastest member of the group

-His small body makes his hits not as strong, but hoo boy can that kid move around

-Hits a lot and dodges most

-Most of his Persona abilities are physical and have high crit and/or are status affects

-Downside is he has not a lot of SP (compared to the rest of the group)

-And he has pretty good HP

-Those good ol' “superior genetics” have to be good for something after all

-Anyways they escape to find the treasure another day

-And Dami is all smug because HA you definitely can't stop me now

-And the PTs are just resigned to keeping an eye on the extremely competent snotty assassin/vigilante child

-They do like him though so it's not too bad (comes with learning all his darkest secrets via his mother and thought processes that tends to accompany watching someone at their lowest get a persona)

(-They do manage to temper him a bit and help him adjust better to actual society too that's nice)

-As such, they also know about Batman and Robin and his whoooole family. Both sides.

-Damian decided not to tell batfam because he does agree with the whole "most adults suck" mentality that the Phantom Thieves have; despite his deep, deep respect for his father and mother and Grayson, they all do kinda suck

-And he’s rather not get pulled out as he surely would if he told them

(-On a side note, he likes Sojiro

-The man gives him coffee, curry, and leaves him mostly to his own devices

-Instant win)

-He is dubbed "Mockingbird" apon return to the metaverse because of his freaky talented vocal skills in mimicking anyone and everyone's voice

-Eventually, they beat Talia

-She doesn't publicly confess to all her sins unlike everyone else

-PTs don't realize it worked until Damian came into school with a genuine smile on his face, and more relaxed than he'd been since he got there

-PTs are confused until Damian's like, this works out because hey, don't want to have several people assassinated and draw the entire freaking league to Tokyo

(-Which was probably why Talia didn't)

-They agree

-But she does break down to tears in Dami's arms and promise to ACTUALLY TALK CIVILLY with Bruce to try and make up for everything and try to fix up the league

-He stays for the rest of p5

-But steers all his reports very much away from the Phantom Thieves

-If anything, he downplays absolutely everything, and makes it seem like it's nothing super big but he's gonna stay a while to keep and eye out because y'alls are busy and I like it here and I haven't gotten expelled so there

-The PTs like to add funny stuff on there just to see if they’ll notice

-Like, Akira likes to have Dami describe his day in excruciating detail. Like, recounting the entirety of his nine or so months to Sae during police interrogation, excruciating

-Mona is pushing for the shiny stuff

-Yusuke just likes to put in bursts of randomness (Dami once mentioned that an acquaintance made another acquaintance T-pose in a church for art lol)

-Ann loves to rant about food

-Haru is always insisting on about feelings

-Ryuji likes to complain about everything and puts in ridiculous requests

-Futaba is just putting in every gen-z thing ever

-Makoto is actually responsible and tries to get him to talk about his progress in school and his social life

-And Akechi is absolutely nowhere near any of this and doesn’t know it exists

-When they have the Tokyo/Japan-wide calling card, Batfam sees it too because let's face it, that's totally the sorta thing that they would keep an eye out for even if he didn't look at the news in the entirety of the time Dami was in Tokyo

-And they send a message to Damian (the first actual communication they've had since before Talia) saying "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON OVER THERE????"

-And with the entirety of the Phantom Thieves looking over his shoulder, Damian's just like "Chill dudes, everything's fiiiiiiiiiine"

-And they're like "UH WHAT PART OF THIS IS FINE????" because they've dug around a bit and found every news report, and oh hey, this isn't anywhere near as calm as Damian described and he’s being super OOC and what’s going on?!?!?!?!?!

-And Damian, being egged on by the most of the PTs, just sends a winky face

-Just

-😉

-And he's smug, because it's still chaos over there so they can't actually come get him and try to pull him out because he's being super ooc

-Which means he's free to do what he wants/needs in the meantime

-Cue the end of the game

-And Dami is going with them on their summer road trip and cackling because the batfam is scrambling to find him in Tokyo but lol nope he's in a van the Japanese government tried and fail to follow

-And he found all the trackers like, a year ago

-Every

-Single

-One

-They eventually track him down to Akira's house where they're calmly eating dinner (and they've been expecting this for the past week so Mona was keeping watch just so they could pull this off) and talking about how uneventful the school year was

-Cue mass confusion in the batfam

-As the PTs enjoy just confusing them so much

-By talking to Mona

-Talking normal then crazy then normal again

-And just generally being their normal selves lol

-They explain absolutely nothing beyond gushing about how much progress socially and academically he’s made (gotta embarrass the baby of the group somehow) and making sure that if Dami absolutely has to go home that he's able to stay in touch

(-Later, Damian forms his own hero persona outside of Batman and Robin)

(-He names it Mockingbird)

(-Batfam proceeds to have a brain aneurysm while the PTs dab their happy proud tears out of their eyes on their regularly scheduled tea time at the Wayne Manor)

(-Damian sends a private plane every week or two lol)

(Bonus: ARTTTTTTT)

(Psst if you guys have ideas for art, outfits, interactions or scenarios, let me know)

[taeguboi]

BTS as Boyfriends [HC]

Request:  ‘bts as boyfriends? ☺’

There’s kind of a story in each? Idk, hope you enjoy!

Warning: some nsfw mentions

Rap Monster

You fall for his intelligence and humour

He falls for your shyness around him

You finally tell a friend out loud about your crush on him

unaware that he’s nearby and within hearing distance

So he asks you out on a date

he doesn’t expect for you to want more than the one date

so you get the impression afterwards that it meant nothing to him

you try to move on

he hates watching someone else being so close to you

Everything changes;

he interrupts your conversation, not caring to be rude

“I can’t stand it anymore”

*intense kiss* *everybody cheers, huzzah!* 

Learning is suddenly more fun

school was a drag back in the day

but his stories capture your attention

You just let him sit talking for hours about a book he just read

Matching jumpers

snuggy snug snug

winter becomes more enjoyable

it’s freezing and miserable outside but

you’re sat by the fire with joonie

well laid on the couch by the fire falling asleep

as he reads you a bedtime story hahaha

you get through books together at the same time and it’s magical

there’s always something to talk about

whether it’s a debate / discussion about a book

or about something really little like 

how you each prefer something and why

and you appreciate the little differences 

but you also appreciate how you change and shape each other into better rounded human beings

excuses to be skinshippy with you

*grabs your butt*

“it looked cold”

okay I didn’t say they were good excuses...

Everyone thinks he’s this confident, outgoing guy

but when you’re around he’s all cutesy and always bumping into things

He gets so distracted by you

and he really does try not to perv on you

like he really tries

but his thoughts just come out in one big list of adjectives 

that progressively get a little nsfw

“How do I look Joonie?”

“Damn, you’re gorgeous, you’re beautiful, you’re sexy...”

*winks*

Sex isn’t limited to the bedroom

just as you think you’re seeing shy squishy joonie

he takes you into a storage cupboard mid-party

and wow

you swear it’s the best you’ve ever had in your life

but then you find you keep saying that yo yourself

he’s so attentive

it’s all about you

he doesn’t mind if you focus on him later but

it’s more fun when you put just as much attention in at the same time

because your boy gets FLUSTERED

he’s so cool until you touch him just right...

but anyway

back to fluffy content

oops

Namjoon shows you the world

all without travelling

he’s so well educated

so cultured

the works

he’s the best teacher you never asked for

everything is fun

everything is interesting

everything is awesome

and all of this is going to last a lifetime

Jin

He only has eyes for you

way before you become an item

Purposely awkward af when you’re in a conversation with someone who could be a threat

to put them off

Always asking about your well being

He’s just happy that you’re happy

getting to talk to you in the first place makes his day

but then when he asks how you are and you respond with a smile

that really hits the feels 

At first he’s so smooth

there’s nothing flawed about him

Then you find out what a dork he is

squeaky laughter

bad jokes

sorta clumsy, even

but he’s still perfect 

and still a gentleman

His friends have never seen him laugh so often in his life

you make him look even more radiant

you’re the funniest person to him

even though you never really had yourself down as ‘comedian’

he loves your type of humour

Making breakfast together

back hugs

it’s one of those little things in life

and one of those things that make you miss him more when you’re apart

One night a week is definitely date night

he never misses it or forgets

He makes everything special

even the really little anniversaries / milestones

ones you didn’t even realises were a cause for celebration

“Chocolates? Whatever for?”

“It’s been half a year since we made us public”

“Aw, Jin... You realize people don’t usually get gifts for things like that?”

“I just... I wanted to”

The most generous man

all he needs is that you return the love

and remind him of everything you love about him

especially in bed

he’s in charge

but it’s only because he likes to take care of you

he may not be as daring as some of the other members

but every inch of the house has been covered

very intimate, passionate lover

the love just makes it more special

as well as more sensual for him 

emotion is everything

and not a day goes by that he doesn’t think of you with adoration

he brings you back things from a normal food shopping trip

because he was thinking of you

he tries not to make his social media all about you

but at least 50% ends up being that

it works to his advantage though

because girls are still after him

and then that selfie he posted yesterday sends them the message 

to back off

he’s so perfect

that none of your estranged school ‘mates’ are having any of it

and after hearing this

he invades your snapchat

selfie after selfie after selfie whilst you’re asleep

and whilst you’re not sure you appreciate that one shot of you being asleep

it shuts all the haters right up

and now they’re probably crying 

oh well

he is proud to show you off

“hey everyone! look at this amazing thing my girlfriend/boyfriend did!”

he’ll do anything to make you laugh

anything

if you’re having a bad day then that just won’t do

he’s taking you out

or he’s treating you for a night in

and he’s definitely treating you to his dad jokes

and then you’re in stitches

Jin makes you forget everything that sucks about life

Suga

Too shy to start talking to you

but somehow you exchange numbers one day

So it becomes a heavily text-based friendship that you form

He has to be sure he won’t make a fool of himself

Actions are louder than words

he might not say much about how he feels about you

but there’s gestures every day

like how he brings you coffee to work

or how he offers to pay for food

you figure it out eventually

and you really like him to

but how to say it?...

so anyway, one day, you kiss

you know, casual

“so does this mean...?...”

yes

bam! you’re a couple!

You complete him

and he can’t imagine life without you

nights without you in his bed are lonely

People think he’s cold and indifferent

but you make him soft soft soft

like he’ll pretend not to be ticklish

oh but hahahahaha you find out he is

“Ah! Jagiyaaaa! Hahahahahah!”

Just hug him all the time

sometimes you complain about how you look

but he just smiles at you and you know what it means

Only you can stop him from over-working

he’s just sat at his laptop, eyebrows furrowed

talk dirty to him so he doesn’t go insane

don’t forget to wear his clothes

he loves watching you roam the house in an over sized shirt

those similarities are what he holds onto

if there’s no common ground, then what would be the point, huh?

sharing is caring

one headphone each on bus journeys

you can have some of his fries at the takeaway

big cocktail for you both to have on a night out

under the same blanket on colder days

he loves it when you unexpectedly touch him

drives him crazy

one minute it’s all innocent and lovey dovey

then your hand is on his dick and fuuuuck

too soon?

nah

the programme you were watching is forgotten about

so is all his sense of surroundings

the curtains are wide open and there you are pumping him up and down

and he doesn’t even notice or care

fuck he loves you

not just because of that obvs

but after your first time initiating something more sexual 

he does not stop thinking about you

like holy shit this is real

yippie

he loves your kisses

he can’t go a day without

well he can but it’s torture

when aren’t his hands on your waist?

and fuck he still can’t stop kissing you

not too much in public of course

but at home in mid conversation

after every sentence

until there’s just like half an hour silence 

and you’re smooching each other’s faces off

you’ll never feel short of love or attention with Yoongi

J-Hope

As soon as he notices you: personality turnaround

Cool, manly, swagger

not a precious easily shook bby at all

He’s kinda distracting

like you’re trying to work here, but

he’s too funny and handsome

and he knows it, even though he’s too modest to admit it

But then one day something moves abruptly

and he gets shook and it’s the cutest thing to you

but he’s so embarrassed 

he could just run away forever 

because he thinks he done fcked up

wrong!

“aw, cute” you respond

*dorky grin emerges on Hobi’s face*

*comes into work next day on a motorbike* 

[think j-dope era]

You make it clear that this doesn’t change your new impression of him

The typical ‘chase’ love story

He likes you but you take a while to give him the time of day to make sure he’s worth it

and he is worth it

there’s like a solid week where he brings you something everyday

and you don’t want this poor boy emptying his wallet so fast

so you give in to how you feel

“okay, okay! I’ll go on a date with you”

but you insist on paying the bill to make up for his troubles

but he won’t have it

you eventually agree to split the bill

and that starts the foundations for

a completely equal relationship

what you give is what you get

a problem shared is a problem halved

and all the other cliches about sharing

excitable cutie pie

“Y/n! Y/n! Y/n!”

Yeah, he’s kind of gathered that he can’t hide his true self from you

He wants to discover the world with you

he takes risks and tries new things for you

he tries to be braver than he really is

“Let’s go on the rollercoaster y/n!”

“Are you sure Hobi? You screamed so much last time...”

“Well, yeah... 

“... That was my first time...

“... and I didn’t know for sure if it was safe...”

sure hobi, sure

The best team

your respective skills combined are all powerful

you can solve any problem together

you become that couple that are great at creating other couples

so many couples dates come out of it

it’s because you’re good at learning people’s true personalities fast

and he’s the best persuader

oh and he’s great at suggesting places to go

everyone enjoys the company of both of you

if only one of you can attend something

everyone asks about the other

you come as a package

“we” instead of “I” comes out in sentences a lot

but it’s not that either of you are too clingy

you both genuinely enjoy each other’s company for extended periods of time

like one day it’ll be like

“it’s the weekend and a bit rubbish weather to go do anything so d’ya wanna come over for the afternoon to watch some movies?”

and then next thing you know

it’s Friday next week

and you’ve been there all this time

whoops

Tries to hide when he’s in the mood at a bad time

but he talks slow and deep without meaning to

so he can never hide from you

and whilst he doesn’t have to tell you he’s turned on

you have your little methods of making him say it aloud

like when you grab his thigh

and then he’s like

“oh fuck I need you”

y/n at your service hobi...

you’re so good to him

that bless his soul

he always says ‘thank you’ afterwards

“you don’t need to thank me Hobi”

“but that was great”

bless

everything is still special as the relationship progresses

and whilst he’s always loved referring to you as his girlfriend / boyfriend

he loves it even more when he gets to say ‘fiance’

fairy tale wedding

he’s like a prince

honeymoon at disney world

because it’s everything your relationship stands for

the rides where Hobi takes risks for you

the fairy tale like love for each other

you even each go for the makeover package one day

it’s probably cringe to a lot of people

but you’re his wife / husband now so he doesn’t care

Jimin

Admires you from a distance

he hates how his friends can so easily talk to you

he wants to be more like them, so he tries hard

Finally, he plucks up the courage to initiate and engage in a proper conversation

“Hey” with a shy smile

Suddenly you become besties

there’s something about Jimin you trust deeply in

He can’t stop smiling around you

you can’t stop smiling around him

eventually you both figure it out

At first, his jaw is aching from all the smiling

he eventually builds up that stamina though

“You’re so pretty”

random compliments for days

giggly couple

you make each other smile too much

your relationship kind of brings him out of his shell

but he will probably always be shy chimchim

and you’re both low key in public

but everyone can see how you look at each other

You’re surprised at how chatty he gets under the covers

because of how shy he usually is

but the bedroom is a totally different story!

“you like that?”

“am I treating you good honey?”

pure fucking sin

like  w h e r e  d i d  t h i s  s i d e  o f  m y  c h i m c h i m  c o m e  f r o m

you call him out on it after a few times

and he’s just like

“what? I was just really getting into it”

and he somehow says that with such innocence

that you’d think he was talking about just a song or something

his voice is music to your ears

seeing ‘I love you’ in a text just isn’t the same

I mean, of course it still means a lot

but you get goosebumps when he says it face to face

adventures in town for hours

it doesn’t matter if no one has money

it’s the quality time that counts

and there are still some free things to enjoy

window shopping and speculating the future

museums

sightseeing

checking out buskers

he doesn’t even dress up particularly for those days

but you’re still impressed

when he’s running about town 

you just admire his sweater paws

or he’s reaching up for something in a shop 

and a bit of hip shows 

and you admire how beautiful his skin tone is

you end up scrimping together like 50p for a second hand film

and it’s rubbish

but it doesn’t matter

you can make your own fun anyway

I’m not saying no one ever has money

the point is that you don’t need it to have a good time together

He’s so glad he plucked up the courage that day way back when to talk to you

V

Doesn’t beat around the bush

Knows instantly that he has a crush

allows a suitable period of time in which he can get to know you

Asks you out on a date when the time is right

Not afraid to flirt and be a dork

says the most random things

“have you ever thought about what makes a krabby patty?”

I have lots of theories about this but not the right place 

and he’s so random

but it only draws you in more

because he’s intriguing

slightly mysterious even

but there’s one he’s crystal clear on

“I really like you y/n”

“I really like you too”

yes, it’s actually as simple as that

He is the most fun boyfriend EVER

it helps that he learned so much about you at the beginning

surprise day trips 

little games he’s created

as well as existing games

he makes bets that he knows he will lose

because he wants to treat you

“I bet you won’t find me within 5 minutes in a game of hide and seek!”

“You’re on!”

“Loser has to cook dinner!”

and then he chooses a really bad hiding place

like under a glass table 

or behind curtains that don’t reach the ground

and then it turns out the fridge is already choc-a-bloc

sometimes you worry he’s too thoughtful

like that time he skipped something important 

just to see you when you were sick

or when he gives you his jacket when it’s freezing cold

but of course you appreciate it

He’s not afraid to flaunt your relationship

costume party? you have to dress up; 

he insists you’re gonna be the best dressed couple there

Never forget how special you are

he’s saved himself for you

he always wanted to wait for the right person

and he was going to wait til marriage

but realises that is perhaps outdated

and he feels way too much for you for this not to be genuine

and you show it back too, more than enough for reassurance

[you choose whether you’re showing him the way or if it’s new to you too]

it’s extremely intimate

doesn’t forget to tell you at least 5 times he loves you during

remind him he’s the one and he’ll be putty in your hands

loved up

sexed up

the first time quickly leads into the second third and fourth time

as you spend the entire day in your dressing gowns

it’s a true bonding experience

excuse the unintended pun

you will never feel unloved by tae tae

Jungkook

Shy but treats you like a friend

if he’s giving you witty comments and teasing you then

he definitely has a crush on you

Will fite you

Gaming marathon? You’re on!

all of it is a just quest to impress you though

and all of this happens often over time

and you begin to notice him more

and feel that he has the potential to be more than your friend

so yep, another gaming marathon

intense flirting

heck, he’s surprising himself big time

“what are you gonna do about it?” he says with a smirk

yet he isn’t surprised when 

he realises it’s because he’s gotten so comfortable around you

so back to what he said

this is where things get taken up a notch

so what are you gonna do about it?

“depends what you have in mind, kook”

and he knows with your tone that you mean

“either you bust my ass on this game right now or you drop that console and do something about this tension”

that bit is unspoken of course ^

he pauses the game

but he hasn’t let go of the console

he just looks at you 

you’re looking back at him trying not to hyperventilate

and then he goes for it

game forgotten about

“come here”

???

“y/n?”

you follow his instruction

this is new - a demanding jungkook

you like it really though

“now, I could be reading this wrong, but...”

*intense passionate kiss*

but afterwards

Still can’t look you in the eye

“Jungkook, you know you can make eye contact with me after...”

and then you pauses because oops you’re hanging with friends

“After WHAT y/n??”

and you’re both shook

“Jungkook?? What happened?!?”

you hang your heads down

and I think your mates assume you fucked or something

even though there was only a kiss

so no one mentions it 

because of your lack of response on their questioning back there

so you guys get the space you need 

to get your heads around what’s going on here

and actually nothing happens for a good while

the intense friendship continues

until one day

you’re at a party

and he can’t fucking take it anymore

*takes you by the hand to a bedroom*

ooh

then your friends are certain something is going on

when one of them catches you at the party leaving said room

and this is where they bug you both constantly

until you have to ask

“so... what’s going on here?”

“to tell you the truth y/n... I can’t stop thinking about you”

“I can’t stop thinking about you either”

*cutesy kiss*

*less cutesy kiss*

*intense make out*

*low key touching*

yep it’s happening again whoops

so less of the hanky panky talk

til later that is

it’s one of those “they finally got together” things

everyone deep down thought you’d make a good match

it was hard to unsee

once you realise how similar you two are

but not too similar of course

there’d have been no intense banter without those differences

yeah you ‘argue’ a lot

but it’s just part of the passion you have for each other

yeah I’m not going for long without this talk lmao idk what my deal is today

Sensitive lil boy

Whisper in his ear and his boxers tighten

“Problem Jeonggukkie?”

“Yah jagi! That was mean...”

you know because you’re in public

and you know how easy it is to get to him in that way

“guys seriously get a room!”

again, whoops

You still do all those other things you did as mates

you’re basically mates but with a romantic aspect

‘dickhead’ means ‘you’re a loveable idiot’

‘yeah right’ means ‘you’re probably right but I’m not admitting that’

‘fuck’s sake’ means ‘that joke was terrible but really, I find it funny’

it’s like you don’t say what you mean

but you know what each other means

and there’s no overthinking about it

To an outsider, you guys seem extremely casual but this relationship means the world

Hope you guys enjoyed! Headcanon Masterlist

[buildabridgeandlangoverit]

The Haunting No Reply

Ghosting, everyone has experienced it and everyone has done it. But what is wrong with telling someone you aren’t interested? We seem to be in an age where we have to go off signals and behaviours of our own interpretations which only lead us down the rabbit hole of uncertainty falling into the all too familiar questions, why hasn’t he replied? Is he talking to other girls? Is he even interested? Should I have done this instead? Did I do something wrong? The last question being the biggest question that constantly plays on the mind which no doubt leads to - well what is wrong with me? Absolutely nothing! It’s on them and this was honestly one of the hardest things for me to get a hold of and since we are telling the truth, it is still hard to grasp at times.

As much as some of us don’t like to admit it, we are creatures of habit. Most of the time you can tell by a person’s behaviour how interested they are... for example, are they asking questions back or are they trying to end the conversation, what is the response rate like, are they now taking 5 seconds as opposed to 0.02 seconds to reply, where was my good morning message, who is suggesting the meet ups and what is the meet up, etc. We get attached to the routine of our communication with another. This is even with friends and family - for example, even though I live out of home, I will still message my parents when I go out of town to let them know I got to the destination safely. With potential partners you fall into this habit of knowing around what time they will message you throughout the day or know they aren’t available to chat at certain times due to sporting or other commitments. We can’t help it. So it’s when their behaviour changes the questions begin and your own behaviour changes... You are no longer the cool chilled chick you were a few days ago and you start to rattle your brain;

- Idiot! Why did you put hahaha when haha would have been plenty?

- Who is he with?

- What if I send one more message to see if he replies?

- Is my phone broken?

- Is their phone broken?

- I’ll send a Snapchat aimed for them but also generalised so they don’t think it was sent just to them

Now I’m going to use my favourite analogy, I came up with this one after a guy ghosted me then after a few months told me why. Go back to when we were talking, would I have been upset, yes, however, I would have dusted off gotten back up and moved on a lot quicker because by ghosting it meant it still had a hold in my mind as it always felt unfinished even though we knew it was done - closure, it’s what everyone needs but most of the time doesn’t get. By waiting that time it left me in my own head, which most will agree, is not the most ideal place to be. You only have yourself to battle with and more often than not you lose.

So anyway - my analogy, guys seem to treat us like porcelain dolls, wrapped tightly in bubble wrap, they unwrap us by being the guy we want them to be, take us on nice dates, one layer gone, message replies are instant and engaging, another layer gone, suggests future plans and wants to start including you in social events with friends, that’s me pretty much unwrapped exposing my delicate self for them to take care of. Then, then comes the ghosting. Guys see this delicate porcelain doll and they don’t want to break it so they place it on the shelf never to acknowledge it. It shouldn’t be the guys concern for breaking us, yes you leave some cracks but lucky we know how to put ourselves back together. It should be about how you handle it, place the doll on the shelf and it’ll eventually get knocked off, taking longer to be put back together, but wrap it back up in a layer of bubble wrap and it’s good to go to another home. Know what I’m saying!?

So how do we date? Lay it all on the table and see what they eat up? Or deliver ourselves in small courses to slowly get through the meal of getting to know someone?

I’m going to share a recent dating experience, this one was hook line and sinker direct, lay it all on the table.... Let’s call him B. B seemed super confident through texts, we had a pretty good first date discovering we had a lot in common and the potential for it to go further was on the table. I was right out of my comfort zone with this one only because he became very intense within a few hours.... yep I’m sticking to hours. We went from hey lets hang out again to hey I’ve told every man and his dog about you and me and they can’t wait to meet you, are you free 2025 for a family holiday oh and also what should we call our kids? Woah woah woah, lets back up about 50 steps and go on a second date. (I wish I was kidding but we hadn’t even had a second date).

So B was super intense, I didn’t really know how to handle it, do I ghost because his pursing was too much for me, do I be up front and say the all-time classic – it’s not you it’s me or do I play it out and see what happens. Maybe it’s just the hype of meeting or the excitement that we’ve clicked on a few levels, maybe, just maybe he will settle down with it after another date. Nope, second date came around and it was full steam ahead, are we a thing? Can we continue this? Do you want to meet my friends? When can I meet your friends? I’ll step to the side and I say I did get a little caught up with the prospect of it all knowing full well in the back of my head it wasn’t going to work long term and also in the background was my best friend holding up all the red flags and me being semi blinded to see them. Here’s where the story takes a turn, I can see where I went wrong on our second date but it is only while beginning to write this blog that I realised the domino affect it had on him.... by a silly (I thought funny, turns out not so much) comment I made and my change in behaviour over the days between dates he had begun to doubt himself and us together. He came across so confident at the start which was an attractive quality but suddenly, from my own observation - unable to confirm with him, I brought out some of his insecurities and I didn’t exactly comfort or acknowledge them which made me see a different side of him. He also went from showing full emotion to just blocking me out after trying to consult with him. In the end, when he had come to the conclusion I wasn’t the girl for him, he decided to ghost me. So we went from one extreme to another of messaging constantly and him providing ridiculous amounts of attention to nothing. This brings me to what I have found to be the different levels of ghosting;

1. The fade away - slowly stops replying, doesn’t use the same language in messages.

2. The “sorry been busy” - welcome to 2018 where we are constantly on our phones. If you can’t find a few moments to reply then you are not interested, kinda simple right?

3. The snapper - if you have each other on Snapchat the snaps will go from sending you more personal and funny things that remind you of the other to - look at my lunch, look at this dog, look at this pencil etc.

4. The Hello, are you still into me - will send messages every so often (mainly when drinking) to remind you that they are still there but also keep you at a distance as a back-up plan.

5. The mutual Ghost - where you are both on the same page of not being into each other but neither wants to end it so you both slowly go your separate ways.

AND of course! For the big finish

6. The cutter - everything is fine, he has been acting a little odd but nothing alarming, then wham bam thank you mam no reply and never hear from again (until you run into them at downstairs moose after one too many tequilas and start the cycle again).

So why ghost? Is it to save the persons feelings or is it more to avoid the awkward conversation around “what are we” because I can assure you both suck just as much. Of course no one likes rejection, I have never met someone who has said, hi I’m Stacey, my likes include being rejected and my dislikes are pineapple on pizza, I mean a girl likes her beauty therapist but isn’t thrilled by getting waxed. Where does this option of ghosting come into play? I personally would much prefer the “hey I’m just not that into you” message then you switch on me faster than Will Smith - turn around now - switch - never to speak again. For the guys and girls that think they are preserving the others feelings I’m sorry to say you aren’t.

Got a fair way through writing this blog before I thought I should get the perspective of my mates that have gone through ghosting and I got more than I wanted; she wrote about how she did the haunting without the realisation of how it affected the other, here’s a snippet of what she wrote;

“Guys have feelings too!

One of my guy friends said to me and at the time I always wondered why. Now years later I have reflected on his words and understand his situation. He was wanting me to want him and I was not the girl to do it.

I was not his person, but he was weighing it up in his head.”

Which brings me trying to speak on behalf of the male gender... wish me luck. Ok so I know girls can be just as bad when it comes to ghosting and games. Hearing stories of girls just using guys for attention or keeping them in their pocket until their Prince Charming comes along and I 110% don’t agree with this. It’s selfish, unkind and straight up a dick move. But its girls like that, that will often complain the most about mistreatment from guys. Which if you learn anything from this blog let it be this - treat a potential partner the way you want to be treated. You want to play mind games, expect them back, you want to stir and create jealously, don’t be shocked when it happens to you. To summarise - Don’t expect to be treated like a Princess when you treat them like a frog.

We can keep coming back to we don’t know another’s situations so many times before someone asks the question, well how do we know if we don’t try? Good question with no helpful answer. You can only try; you can line up 15 dates in a week and have 3 of them cancelled, 5 of them ghost you, 2 of them not your type, 3 of them just looking for a hook up and the other 2 being put into the potential bucket. You can let all this get to you or you can face it, claim it and get back on that horse.

I dated this one guy, you could put us in a blank white room and we would be entertained for hours by each other’s company, we could talk about the paint drying on the wall and it would be interesting. We had a lot in common and there was no pressure to be anyone but yourself, it was an incredible feeling. And then he ghosted me..... I’ve been ghosted plenty of times but I don’t think I will ever quite understand what happened with this one. Usually you can at least pick up little things, but the battle in my head says it was timing and his head space with the added reminder that it isn’t all on me. Ghosting doesn’t always hurt, but this one did. But hey, here I am dusted off writing about it and soldiering on. Because there is only so many times I can ask a brick wall why before the realisation of me not getting any answer becomes clear as day.

Andddd what’s the point of this all? Well a few things, ghosting is not the most ideal way to end things, but it is a common one, just be mindful of the situation and the other person before you leave them on read. Better to rip off the band aid!

As always here are some handy tips to finish this blog;

1. Every fairytale has an ever after and sometimes that ever after isn’t with that person, you’ll find your prince/princess soon

2. Don’t take it personally if you get ghosted, you have probably done it too

3. The reason behind why you get ghosted is not a reflection on you as a person

4. Honesty remains the best policy

5. Go out, have fun and you stay classy San Diego

[miishae-archived]

Copied and pasted from an old rp blog of mine, that I feel is very important to read:

Question I was asked: ❝MAY I ASK SOMETHING ABOUT AUTISM AND THE COMMUNITY? I KNOW YOU CAN ONLY SPEAK FOR YOURSELF SO I WILL KEEP IT MORE CENTERED TI YOUR PERSONAL PREFERENCES AND WHAT YOU'VE SEEN TO BE A GENERAL CONSENSUS?❞

Not very many people are aware what Autism or even Autism Spectrum Disorder is. Honestly, I’ve seen a lot of people tend to think of it as “diaper wearing, drooling idiots”

I’m going to start off by talking about my own personality first, and why it should not be outright dismissed as being ‘oversensitive’.

I am on the spectrum disorder. I’m very high functioning, as in, I am able to live on my own, with a boyfriend. I’m able to work, I’m able to walk around in society without causing a disturbance. But just because I appear ‘normal’ doesn’t mean I am.

I’m very very awkward. I get emotional and burnt out really quickly, especially in social situations. I don’t like physical contact, and I don’t like people yapping at me constantly. This is sensory overload. I get tired and cranky, and a lot of times am seen as rude for this.

This is just the tip of the iceberg for how little people understand autism. I constantly have to point it out, because even my loved ones don’t understand me. I can talk to someone over and over about not touching me or shutting up for awhile and giving me some space, and they’d just ask me a lot of questions that really don’t need answering.

I don’t talk much, and it’s not because I’m shy or introverted. I was originally diagnosed with having Nonverbal Learning Disorder, and while I don’t know if that is an outdated diagnosis or not, it aptly describes my social skills still. Link

How it relates to me personally though: I suck at social cues. I suck at maintaining eye contact, I don’t read body language well, and I tend to be brutally honest to a fault. What I think is a reasonable and fair statement can come across as rude and offensive to someone else. It was not my intention to be rude, and since people would rather be offended and passive aggressive, I don’t know how else to word things and I’m sorry, but you need to work with me and not shut down on me. How else am I going to learn how to interact with you?

I’m also incredibly literal minded. I know on tumblr it seems like I’m sarcastic and witty, and I know I crack a lot of jokes, but you would not believe the amount of times I’ve had to go to someone off tumblr and ask “what did this person mean? I don’t understand.”

It’s literally because I don’t understand you. I don’t get a lot of metaphors or jokes, and everyone else will be laughing and I’m sitting over here like “I don’t get it?” and no one wants to explain the joke because “I mean, it’s obvious!” No, it isn’t. Not to me.

I also tend to get hung up on certain things for long periods of time. I hate change in my routine. I hate changing things up because honesty: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But as far as ‘obsessions’ go? Video games comes to mind. I could tell you all about the Borderlands series and how it’s a great game filled with fan-fucking-tastic characters and how it’s an entire world built on survival and it’s dystopian and cyberpunk and-

Or I could tell you when I was a kid and the LOTR moves first came out, I was obsessed with them. I launched into repeated lectures about how the behind-the-scenes worked, or how they did this camera trick, or why that scene was the best to film, and OH did you know Viggo Mortensen was not the original Aragorn? He was called in last minute and only came on because his son was a huge fan and pushed his dad into filming.

I know no one actually cares, but I still care. If you let me talk about something I care about, I will TALK.

This is just the personality side of autism. How ableism comes into play is very subtle. And everyone can be ableist. Friends and family who come to me asking to understand, only to say “okay cool” and forget about it ten minutes later.

I have friends who casually throw around the R-slur. I catch myself using it from time to time, and I’m desperately working to unlearn it. But that word is so heavily used by so many people, and it’s so insulting to hear it thrown around so casually. But worse than that are the people who actually use ‘autism’ as a slur.

“A guy complaining about being friendzoned? He’s autistic.”

“If you play Minecraft you’re autistic I don’t make the rules.”

First off, statements like these are annoying, because they lump a good majority of people into one category, and second off, it’s assumed that people who are autistic are drooling idiots.

There’s a reason it’s a fucking spectrum, okay? I know quite a few people who are on the spectrum, and I’ve heard of other people who are on the spectrum. Everyone has different levels of coping and living. I’m not my cousin, who does need help, because he can’t function on his own.

I’m probably worse off than someone who can hold a stable job and learn to drive and fully function, and I admit that I do need my hand held on some things.

It’s quite possible to unlearn your way of thinking. Quit throwing around slurs as insults. They’re insulting, and frankly, tired. If you want to insult someone, there are far more creative ways to do so.

But it’s not just insults that are the problem. It’s people not caring enough. It’s people who feel the need to speak over us. You don’t get to tell me what I can or can’t find insulting. Frankly, I can’t stand blanket “these words are ableist” lists, because more often than not, they’re written by neurotypicals who are trying to appear Woke™, except that they argue with actual NDs who disagree with their assessment.

Also, and this is a BIG ONE FOR ME

DO NOT ASSUME EVERYONE WITH AUTISM IS A CHILD. I am so tired of seeing mental health awareness posts right here on fucking TUMBLR, of all places, with messages for children. I am 33 years old. I’m so far from a child or even a teenager, and I feel like putting my hair in pigtails and wearing little jumpers every time I see one of these super condescending PSAs about mental health awareness or autism awareness. Adults with autism exist, please quit excluding us in your misguided efforts to raise awareness.

I do agree that it’s not my job to educate you. You can ask questions, and I can answer, but I’m not your encyclopedia source. There are tons of helpful links and websites you can go to learn more about autism, spectrum disorder, and anything else that might be linked.

That being said, don’t go the opposite direction and completely ignore its existence. By ignoring it, you’re only contributing to the rampancy that ableism is. It’s very real and very damaging. It’s big things, like me being denied food stamps in my state because they didn’t believe I was disabled and I couldn’t get proof without them wanting to assign a counselor and them wanting to thrust me into the working world anyway (which was the whole reason I mentioned I was autistic, because I need fucking help?) and little things like “You’re too sensitive, just deal with it.”

Ask questions. Look up resources. Not just for autism, but for anything related to mental health or physical health. Ableism is rampant in able-bodied people too. My brother in law is in a wheelchair and faces quite a bit of ableism himself.

All this being said, please please watch how you talk/interact with people. Much like I need to learn social cues and how to interact with you, You guys need to understand that my personality isn’t going to change. This is literally who I am, and who I always will be, so you have to be patient. You have to recognize that I’m trying, and I’m not perfect.

And most importantly of all I guess, we’re not disabled. We’re different. We think differently, and we act a little off. But we’re not bad people. Not all of us, at least. (There are people who play up the “I’m-disabled-be-nice-to-me card” and they should be held accountable for their horrible actions)

Personally, I’m trying. I’m tired, and exhausted, and lonely. I have next to nobody to rely on, and I know I have a lifetime of learning how to behave better ahead of me, and I’m just tired. but I’m still hanging in there, in the best way I know how: by being me. If I can educate myself and learn about how ableism is a problem, so can you.

[geopolicraticus]

The Grill Pill

To the red pill, the blue pill, the black pill, and the white pill, inter alia, we may now add the grill pill. This was brought to my attention by a video from The Distributist (a right-of-center “trad” Catholic—i.e., the kind of person who probably would be identified as the extreme far right by the legacy media), in “The ‘Grill Pill,’ ‘Franklin’s Corollary,’ and the path from left to right.” The Distributist credits the “grill pill” to Matt Christman’s personal seeking after meaning in the wake of the end of Bernie Sanders’ presidential campaign. Christman is one of the founders of Chapo Trap House, the bastion of the dirtbag left and a podcast that has brought him considerable fame and fortune (Influence Watch says that Chapo Trap House was grossing $120,000 per month through Patreon).

I enjoyed The Distributist’s concise and articulate description of Matt Christman’s response to the end of the Bernie Sander’s campaign. The Distributist references Love and Solidarity, Matt Christman’s Best Rant, which is a good example of an apparently saddened and on-the-verge-of-tears Matt Christman speaking confessionally of his ideals, but this particular video does not actually mention the “grill pill.” As I do not have the desire to watch all of Christman’s videos, I’m going to take The Distributist at his word, and assume that he is giving an accurate account of the “grill pill.” The idea of the grill pill is sufficiently interesting that, even if I had been misled, it is still worth commenting on.  

What is the grill pill? It is the simple idea that, disappointed by the political failure of the Bernie Sanders campaign, leftists and others can still find solidarity, community, and fellowship sharing good food among friends—grilling steaks in the backyard like an oblivious Boomer. A sizeable contingent of Bernie Bros invested a sizeable amount of emotion and energy into the Bernie Sanders campaign, only to find themselves shut out—for the second time—by the institutional Democratic party, which rapidly closed ranks behind an establishment candidate that seemed to offer neither hope nor consolation for Sanders supporters. Of course, many Sanders supporters will hold their nose and vote for Biden in the spirit of “Vote Blue No Matter Who,” but some will not. This distasteful state-of-affairs requires some kind of cope, and one possible cope is the grill pill.

I actually met a young Sanders supporter recently and had an interestingly long political conversation with this young man. Being as isolated as I am, I very rarely have an opportunity to talk to young people, so it was an eye-opening experience for me to speak directly to a Sanders supporter, obviously disappointed by what had happened, but hesitant to say so explicitly to me, as I was someone he didn’t know, and he had no idea how I would respond, whether or not I would be sympathetic to him and his political position, and so on. 

As it happened, I was at a cookout with this young man, so it would have been the perfect time to discuss the grill pill, but I had then only recently heard the idea, and I hadn’t yet fully digested it. So we kept to pretty conventional terms of discussing the coming election. My interlocutor was no wild-eyed Antifa supporter hoping for the revolution, but a hard-working young man starting his own business and very much wanting to make a positive contribution to the world. I was impressed by his sincerity and his knowledge; in some ways, he reminded me of my younger self of, say, thirty years ago (except for being much more successful than I ever was). 

This brief encounter with a young Sanders supporter really drove home to me a political point that I have often heard, but always been skeptical of: that political parties should make an active effort to bring young people into the fold. This is usually an appeal for youthful energy (which is a valid observation), but also always comes with the implication that young people have a unique contribution to bring due to their perspective on the world and events. Talking to this young man, I could immediately see that an idealistic, hard-working, sincere, and politically-engaged individual like him is exactly what the institutional Democratic Party needs to transform itself from the inside-out to once again become a viable institution. An energetic, solutions-oriented, idealist does not see barriers to progress as a reason to quit or to complain, but as an opportunity to engage and to find a workable way around the barrier — even when, if not especially when, those barriers are being erected by his political allies. It is the sympathetic critic who looks for achieving the same end by more palatable means.

Talking to this young man, I did not seek to challenge his ideas or ideals; mostly I just wanted to hear his perspective, so I kept talking in order to keep him talking, so that I could the more deeply penetrate into an ideological community with which I have virtually nothing in common. Also, it was a friendly cookout, so no place for antagonism or confrontation. And this is, in a sense, definitive of the grill pill. When people gather for the weekend for good times with friends, there is an unspoken rule that, if you have been invited into this group, you don’t insist on your own political or ideological ideals to the point of souring the occasion. Everyone implicitly agrees to keep things as light as possible, as is consistent with the occasion, and if there is someone present who is an unknown, or even a rival, it is part of the social contract of such events that any disagreements be kept friendly, and impasses be broken by a joke that relieves any tension. I’m sure it doesn’t always go like this on a cookout, but ideally this is the case (in so far as my imperfect understanding of social events extends).

In such a context, one does not seek to score ideological points off others, but only to understand, and exchanges are more-or-less kept to the level of “banter,” perhaps friendly rivalry at best. No doubt, if the group that comes together is thoroughly ideological in orientation, the banter takes on a more openly political character, as everyone present can then engage in the ritualistic condemnation of common enemies, and the ritualistic praise of common ideals (which is what toasts among friends are all about). 

All of this is very conventional, even, one could say, bourgeois, so why should anyone care about seeking a cope among like-minded friends, and perhaps inviting over a few individuals to join with edgy or indefinable political views? The “grill pill,” such as it is, is potentially powerful because it calls into question a fundamental idea of recent political engagement, and that is the idea that “the personal is the political.” This slogan isn’t necessarily as prominent as other political slogans of our time, but it has done an enormous amount of mischief. If folks can take the grill pill and just enjoy a simple meal with friends that isn’t any kind of political statement, they have broken with the idea that the personal is the political. With the grill pill, the personal is just the personal, and nothing more. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and it should be allowed to remain just a cigar.

Insisting that the personal is always also political has encouraged an angry and resentful outlook on the world in which every personal difficulty is to be interpreted as a direct consequence of larger structural forces that grind down helpless individuals like grain being ground to flour in a mill. The common metaphor of contemporary mass society as rendering the individual as a mere cog in an enormous machine that the individual is powerless to change contributes to a perception of pointless suffering. The potent mixture of cultivated anger and learned helplessness is uniquely conducive to a social atmosphere that poisons even the smallest enjoyments in life, sucking out any genuine feeling from events and reducing them to a political calculation.

While the grill pill could be interpreted in a reactionary sense, it could also be interpreted as the rebellion of the individual against a faceless and unfeeling social context that robs the joy from life and prevents us to enjoying even the most trivial enjoyments that life has to offer, which are also the most authentic enjoyments that life has to offer. When we politicize the authenticity of the small and simple events of life, we render ourselves incapable of appreciating what is most human.  

In small groups, mostly composed of individuals whom we know personally, it is possible to experience authentic reciprocity and gratitude for the smallest and simplest things of life, which latter I sometimes refer to as the substance of life, because it is the small things like sharing a meal, enjoying an evening together, and having a good conversation that ultimately constitute the substance from which a life is constructed. In such small groups, we can enjoy doing small things for others, and they can enjoy whatever small favors we do for them. That is how life is supposed to be. In small ways, life can approach the ideal as long as we don’t aim for too much. Basically, just a few people treating each other decently is about all we can hope for.

In this way the grill pill represents the attainable ideal.

[scorpdrag226]

FellSwap Head-canon

A rough head-canon of FellSwap. I honestly thought a FellSwap already existed; however I am unable to find it. So I choose to play around with the idea some. To be honest I was nervous to post this head-canon. My friend @iloy-imagines helped me a lot! Super special thanks to you! With extra sprinkles on the top!  You gave me the courage to post! 

With FellSwap the universe is based in UnderFell with the personalities swapping. I had an idea that Asgore is trying his best to keep the monsters in the underground safe. He knows the world is broken and fears that the humans above will wage war on the monsters. Thus he collects the souls of humans to make sure no monster will try to break the barrier. Toriel on the other hand wishes to take over the human world with the monsters. Toriel has made it her mission to find and take any humans unfortunate enough to fall to the king. She knows he will take the humans soul into his growing collection. It would only be a matter of finding this collection to free the monsters. This divide between the two rulers has lead to the divide into the royal guard. The human is encouraged to meet the king, yet also guided away from him. Sans and Papyrus are using the human in order to lure out Toriel from hiding and capture her. 

After the disappearance of Gaster Sans and Papyrus found their way to the underground. Sans learned that he would have to find some means to take care of both of them. He found work at Grillbys for a while. When Papyrus was old enough he helped in the kitchen. Sans was waiting on some royal guards when they mentioned some type of tournament. Sans inquired about this tournament out of curiosity. The tournament was a secret held event for youths to help determine who had potential as a member of the royal guard. The rules were simple, you must be a youth, must have permission from your parent, and must not tell the king. Sans requested Grillby be his sponsor. His case was that he could pay back Grillby and more with the tournament winnings. Ultimately, Sans was able to participate in the tournament managed to become the champion. After winning he did not want to be apart of the tournament and requested a rematch in order to lose. Unfortunately, Asgore had found out about the tournament and had it promptly shut down. Toriel reached out to the  kids involved were offered to continue their training to become members of the royal guard. Sans had agreed to the training; however declined the offer of being apart of the royal guard. He trained Papyrus in fighting and helped him to get into the guard. It was only after Papyrus made the royal guard did Sans start to consider joining. 

Papyrus is the talker of the two. He likes to make jokes and keep everyone calm and happy. Papyrus has a rooted fear of the world around him. Everything that can go wrong will go wrong in his mind. He has learned to be happy in order to help ease Sans' anxiety and stress. His brother had enough to worry about. When Papyrus was younger Sans would carry him on his back. This made sure that they could escape easier and that Papyrus could watch his brothers back as they traveled. Papyrus would always be near his brother and try to lighten up the mood around them. They lived in a not so fun world, but that did not mean they had to be miserable. When at Grillby's Papyrus would talk to the customers by the counter and helped in the kitchen. Papyrus was promoted to customer problem listener and helper. Often he would sit with customers as they complained about their lives or boasted on their conquests. When he was old enough Papyrus was officially allowed to prepare orders. Upon request Papyrus would sit and listen to the customers no matter what the content. After the tournament's closing Sans and Papyrus moved out and found their own home in Snowdin. Sans continues to train with Papyrus and attempt to live in peace.

Sans does not like to talk much due to his higher pitched voice. He feels it takes away from the intimidation factor that is needed to keep others away. He prefers to sign or use gestures to communicate with others. Though he will speak to those close to him or if he needs to show respect. This includes, Papyrus, Asgore, Grillby, Frisk, and Undyne. Papyrus is able to read Sans simply by feeling the magic his soul is emitting. Papyrus will typically interpret for Sans in social situations. Because of this Papyrus has learned to read others by the magic from their souls. He commonly uses this skill to diffuse fights and keep everyone calm. Sans attempts to keep fights to a minimum for his brother; however he will dust anyone whom poses a threat without remorse. To him no one can be trusted. If you are willing to hurt someone once, what is stopping you from doing it again? He would rather get ahead of the game than risk it. As such he dose not trust easily and is slow to anger. Like his brother he is able to mask his emotions behind a calm face. It is only when the enemy hears his voice do they know they will not see the next day. Sans is very thorough in work and in fighting. No matter the task Sans must complete it to the best of his ability. Sometimes he will go overboard when fixing an issue so that he will not have to fix it latter. 

During the tournament Sans had to be creative in fighting. Using the same blasters and traps would result in a short fight for him and predictable pattern for his enemies. To compensate he learned hand to hand combat and mixed it with his magic. He had attempted to teach Papyrus this technique. Papyrus was able to become captain of the royal guard for Asgore. He is seen as loyal, a team player, willing to risk what is necessary for others. Sans was unofficially appointed the captain instead by those who loyalty sided with Toriel. He is seen as brutal, willing to do what is needed, loyal, and strong. Sans does not let others push them around. Any offensive remarks or rumors are addressed. Any threats are challenged, (and when threats keep coming) eliminated. Sans does not joke when it comes to violence. He is kinder to those whom he is close to. Seeming to always be around when the dark feeling in your stomach starts to rise. He is more than eager to teach others how to fight. Sans will break up senseless fights if he witnesses them. Sans is known to keep other royal guards in line when they break Asgore's laws. As such he is very disliked by them. Papyrus opts to peace or restraint rather than violence. He encourages his fellow guardsmen to not commit the breaking of laws. Though he will report them. If they are being violent to a citizen he will defend the victim and restrain the guard in question. Papyrus still holds his fears of the world around him. He can be a bit too cautious and not so fond of trying new things. With a little encouragement he is able to be the best he can be. He has a running set of hand written books that explain everything there is to fear and why. Details of how to evade, escape, and prevent occurrences can be read. He will offer a copy of his notes to others if asked. Though his friends advise him he should just sell them, he prefers to give them out for free. His puzzles are in a separate section of books with many notes and sketches. He is very diligent in his work and needs things to be organized. Papyrus will commonly organize the house or rearrange it. The reason given for rearranging of the house is that he just felt like he had to. Papyrus is very patient and tends to roll with the punches of life. Yes things suck, but crying on the floor will do no good. He works hard to help others realize this mentality. Papyrus is commonly seen smiling and chatting with someone or nodding his head to a song not heard. Though his kind deeds are not always rewarded he feels they might one day help someone. Though he will be nice to others he is not dumb. He knows not to trust others readily. If pushed too far his smile becomes terrifying.

[andrewdburton]

How to encourage someone in 3 steps

Knowing how to encourage someone is key for:

Fostering lasting relationships

Developing crucial leadership skills

Helping struggling loved ones improve their lives.

… BUT if you do it wrong, it’s an easy way to frustrate everyone, or worse, come across as a know-it-all.

I’m not going to let that happen to you though. I want to show you a great system to help you learn how to encourage someone today.

How to encourage someone

Here’s the secret to encouraging people you won’t hear from 99.9% of life coaches and self-help books:

You can only encourage someone if they want it.

Think back to high school. I’d be willing to bet that the majority of you have forgotten things from your math classes like the quadratic formula or whatever the heck a protractor does. BUT if I asked you all the words to a song you loved in high school — the one you blasted in the car with your friends and every morning on the way to school — you’d be able to sing it to me perfectly (vocal skills depending).

The same idea applies to encouragement; it’s only effective and ingrained in us when we want it. It’s human nature.

So if you try to encourage someone who doesn’t want it you’re just wasting your time.

This might seem callous but it’s actually very freeing. When you’re able to recognize who’s ready to be encouraged, you’ll know where to focus your energy when it comes to helping people who need it.

I’ve developed a three-step system to help you identify these moments to help you encourage anyone willing to improve themselves.

Step 1: Stop and listen

I got this email from a reader a while back:

From: “J.”

Subject: My question is your next blog topic.

My mother is a hot mess. In a sense, I arose from the ashes of poverty while she still hangs her hat there. She came to visit for Thanksgiving and asked me how I “made my millions” (slight exaggeration) so she could too. I don’t know how to tell her she sucks with money and that she needs to get her shit straight before she can dream of island vacations, or even owning a new car on her own.

Thoughts on how to tell a single mom who raised a half a dozen children who’s 60+ years old that she doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing and needs to get her shit in gear?

You’re the man. If you have questions, I’m available on my cell or by email.

All the Best,

J.

Notice what is going on here. This reader wants to encourage his mother — but is being very judgemental. His moral righteousness is preventing him from realizing a key thing: His mother is starting in the same place he did.

He even acknowledges it saying, “I arose from the ashes of poverty while she still hangs her hat there.” But he still goes into a judgemental tirade about how his mother is screwing up.

His first step should have been to step back and acknowledge where she is in the journey. Like him, she also started from poverty. Unlike him, there were probably different potentially bigger barriers in her way, like raising children.

The worst people in the world are people who just learned enough to be dangerous (typically, people who just learned about paleo, weightlifting, or personal finance). They’ve gone through the journey of deciding to change their life, so now they believe everyone needs to join them … without realizing that three months before, they wouldn’t have wanted to hear any of that!

So if someone comes to you who needs encouragement, your first step should always be to stop and listen. Empathize with where they are in their journey.

Two other key points:

Spend time building rapport. It’s easy to launch into how “simple” or “easy” the solution to someone’s problems is. Instead, spend the majority of your time just listening. The conversation should be 90% them 10% you.

Acknowledge their feelings. There’s no better way to discourage someone than by telling them their feelings aren’t legitimate. If someone who needs encouragement comes to you, acknowledge and address their emotions — even if you don’t quite agree with them.

Step 2: Measure how serious they are

Your next step is to discern if they’re ready to be encouraged.

Say a friend comes to you and is telling you about how he’s really struggling with his credit card debt. He also knows you recently got out of debt yourself.

You’ve listened to him talk, empathized with him, and now you’re going to ask him one simple question:

“How serious are you?”

This is key. If your friend’s answer is anything other than, “I’m very serious. I’m ready to do anything to get out of debt,” they don’t want your encouragement and probably just wanted to just complain or feel validated.

In that case, just smile and say, “You’re doing great. I’m sure you’ll figure things out.” Anything more than that would be a waste of time and energy for you.

However, if they communicate that they’re ready for genuine encouragement, move onto the next step.

Step 3: Give them genuine encouragement

Like giving a good compliment, encouraging someone requires authenticity. That’s why you should avoid giving meaningless platitudes like:

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way!”

“The universe never gives you more than you can handle!”

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”

In fact, NEVER utter any of the phrases above out loud to anyone. The world will be better for it.

Instead, a genuine encouragement acknowledges their struggles and offers a potential solution to their problems.

Let’s take your friend who’s talking to you about debt. After listening you ask, “How serious are you?”

SCENARIO 1: I want to get out of debt! I’m just awful with numbers and this economy is so lame and—

Stop. They don’t really want to know a great system to get out of debt. They just want to complain and for you to listen to them.

YOUR ANSWER: Yeah, it’s tough. I just make sure I’m paying my bills each month.

Another scenario:

SCENARIO 2: Yeah, I’d really like to get out of debt. I’m trying this new thing where I’m cutting out lattes each month and skipping every other meal.

They’re not looking for technical advice. They just want to feel better about what they’re doing. In this case, validate them.

YOUR ANSWER: Good job. That sounds difficult.

Final scenario:

SCENARIO 3: I’m serious. I’ve been reading a few blogs about budgeting. I’ve been contributing X% of my paycheck towards my debt. How did you do it? You got out of debt so fast last year, I want to know how. I’ll do whatever you did.

Now your friend is ready for helpful, genuine encouragement. They’re showing that they’re ready to accept what you have to say and are eager to hear it.

YOUR ANSWER: Great! It sounds like you’re already doing a great job with the research and paying down your debt. Tell you what, send me an email with the amount of your debt and income and we’ll talk about what else you could be doing to crush your debt.

Notice two things with the last example — these are important:

It seems unfathomably rare that anyone would actually say, “I’m serious. I’ll do whatever you tell me to.” Almost nobody ever says this, because almost nobody really wants advice to the level of following through. They want to complain, they want to feel validated, but fewer than 1 in 1,000 actually want to change their behavior. It took me 10 years to truly internalize this. Once you do, you’ll start to be more understanding and empathetic, instead of frustrated.

Even though they say they are 100% serious, I still didn’t dive into the deep, technical “how to” because they are not ready. You’re doing them a favor by parceling out your advice — and you’re giving them a minor barrier to see how serious they really are. Anyone can “say” they’re serious. This is an example of using barriers strategically.

Once you offer your advice, close with an authentic compliment for the person you’re talking to. This helps reaffirm to them that they are capable of handling the situation and ends your encouragement on a high note.

Here’s a great example of one:

You: “John, you’re going to do great. You’re one of the most motivated people I know.”

Them: “Why’s that?”

You: “After talking with you, I noticed you genuinely want to get out of your bad situation. Not only that, but you’re actively doing something about it. That’s something I couldn’t say for the majority of people out there.”

Look at how this compliment is authentic and observational. You noticed something about them and responded authentically to it. Not only will this encourage the person you’re talking to, but they’ll appreciate you all the more for it.

In his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie put it best:

“The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.”

People aren’t stupid. They know a weak compliment (or “flattery” as Carnegie called it) when they hear it. They also know the value of a good authentic compliment and appreciate it.

Put these elements together and you can encourage anyone who’s ready for it.

Build the skills to encourage anyone

You can give people the best encouragement in the world, hand them the best tactics, techniques, and strategies, but it still won’t work until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of putting in the work and making a change.

That means having the intuition to recognize those moments and the confidence to jump right into those social situations.

If you need help getting there, I want to give you something to help.

First, here’s a video I made to help you improve your social skills in 30 minutes. It’ll help you better position yourself to give advice anyone will listen to.

Second, my team and I have worked on something to help you take your social skills to the next level:

The Ultimate Guide to Social Skills

This is my FREE guide to help you navigate any confusing social situation. You’ll learn how to:

Make small talk. I reveal the common mistakes most people make and show you some simple ways to make small talk with anyone. 

Overcome shyness and build confidence. These are my best strategies on overcoming anxiety and being confident in group settings.

Be more likable. Transform yourself into that person who can walk into any bar or party and talk to anyone with ease.

Enter your information below and get started building amazing social skills today.

How to encourage someone in 3 steps is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

from Finance https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/how-to-encourage-someone/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[paulckrueger]

How to encourage someone in 3 steps

Knowing how to encourage someone is key for:

Fostering lasting relationships

Developing crucial leadership skills

Helping struggling loved ones improve their lives.

… BUT if you do it wrong, it’s an easy way to frustrate everyone, or worse, come across as a know-it-all.

I’m not going to let that happen to you though. I want to show you a great system to help you learn how to encourage someone today.

How to encourage someone

Here’s the secret to encouraging people you won’t hear from 99.9% of life coaches and self-help books:

You can only encourage someone if they want it.

Think back to high school. I’d be willing to bet that the majority of you have forgotten things from your math classes like the quadratic formula or whatever the heck a protractor does. BUT if I asked you all the words to a song you loved in high school — the one you blasted in the car with your friends and every morning on the way to school — you’d be able to sing it to me perfectly (vocal skills depending).

The same idea applies to encouragement; it’s only effective and ingrained in us when we want it. It’s human nature.

So if you try to encourage someone who doesn’t want it you’re just wasting your time.

This might seem callous but it’s actually very freeing. When you’re able to recognize who’s ready to be encouraged, you’ll know where to focus your energy when it comes to helping people who need it.

I’ve developed a three-step system to help you identify these moments to help you encourage anyone willing to improve themselves.

Step 1: Stop and listen

I got this email from a reader a while back:

From: “J.”

Subject: My question is your next blog topic.

My mother is a hot mess. In a sense, I arose from the ashes of poverty while she still hangs her hat there. She came to visit for Thanksgiving and asked me how I “made my millions” (slight exaggeration) so she could too. I don’t know how to tell her she sucks with money and that she needs to get her shit straight before she can dream of island vacations, or even owning a new car on her own.

Thoughts on how to tell a single mom who raised a half a dozen children who’s 60+ years old that she doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing and needs to get her shit in gear?

You’re the man. If you have questions, I’m available on my cell or by email.

All the Best,

J.

Notice what is going on here. This reader wants to encourage his mother — but is being very judgemental. His moral righteousness is preventing him from realizing a key thing: His mother is starting in the same place he did.

He even acknowledges it saying, “I arose from the ashes of poverty while she still hangs her hat there.” But he still goes into a judgemental tirade about how his mother is screwing up.

His first step should have been to step back and acknowledge where she is in the journey. Like him, she also started from poverty. Unlike him, there were probably different potentially bigger barriers in her way, like raising children.

The worst people in the world are people who just learned enough to be dangerous (typically, people who just learned about paleo, weightlifting, or personal finance). They’ve gone through the journey of deciding to change their life, so now they believe everyone needs to join them … without realizing that three months before, they wouldn’t have wanted to hear any of that!

So if someone comes to you who needs encouragement, your first step should always be to stop and listen. Empathize with where they are in their journey.

Two other key points:

Spend time building rapport. It’s easy to launch into how “simple” or “easy” the solution to someone’s problems is. Instead, spend the majority of your time just listening. The conversation should be 90% them 10% you.

Acknowledge their feelings. There’s no better way to discourage someone than by telling them their feelings aren’t legitimate. If someone who needs encouragement comes to you, acknowledge and address their emotions — even if you don’t quite agree with them.

Step 2: Measure how serious they are

Your next step is to discern if they’re ready to be encouraged.

Say a friend comes to you and is telling you about how he’s really struggling with his credit card debt. He also knows you recently got out of debt yourself.

You’ve listened to him talk, empathized with him, and now you’re going to ask him one simple question:

“How serious are you?”

This is key. If your friend’s answer is anything other than, “I’m very serious. I’m ready to do anything to get out of debt,” they don’t want your encouragement and probably just wanted to just complain or feel validated.

In that case, just smile and say, “You’re doing great. I’m sure you’ll figure things out.” Anything more than that would be a waste of time and energy for you.

However, if they communicate that they’re ready for genuine encouragement, move onto the next step.

Step 3: Give them genuine encouragement

Like giving a good compliment, encouraging someone requires authenticity. That’s why you should avoid giving meaningless platitudes like:

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way!”

“The universe never gives you more than you can handle!”

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”

In fact, NEVER utter any of the phrases above out loud to anyone. The world will be better for it.

Instead, a genuine encouragement acknowledges their struggles and offers a potential solution to their problems.

Let’s take your friend who’s talking to you about debt. After listening you ask, “How serious are you?”

SCENARIO 1: I want to get out of debt! I’m just awful with numbers and this economy is so lame and—

Stop. They don’t really want to know a great system to get out of debt. They just want to complain and for you to listen to them.

YOUR ANSWER: Yeah, it’s tough. I just make sure I’m paying my bills each month.

Another scenario:

SCENARIO 2: Yeah, I’d really like to get out of debt. I’m trying this new thing where I’m cutting out lattes each month and skipping every other meal.

They’re not looking for technical advice. They just want to feel better about what they’re doing. In this case, validate them.

YOUR ANSWER: Good job. That sounds difficult.

Final scenario:

SCENARIO 3: I’m serious. I’ve been reading a few blogs about budgeting. I’ve been contributing X% of my paycheck towards my debt. How did you do it? You got out of debt so fast last year, I want to know how. I’ll do whatever you did.

Now your friend is ready for helpful, genuine encouragement. They’re showing that they’re ready to accept what you have to say and are eager to hear it.

YOUR ANSWER: Great! It sounds like you’re already doing a great job with the research and paying down your debt. Tell you what, send me an email with the amount of your debt and income and we’ll talk about what else you could be doing to crush your debt.

Notice two things with the last example — these are important:

It seems unfathomably rare that anyone would actually say, “I’m serious. I’ll do whatever you tell me to.” Almost nobody ever says this, because almost nobody really wants advice to the level of following through. They want to complain, they want to feel validated, but fewer than 1 in 1,000 actually want to change their behavior. It took me 10 years to truly internalize this. Once you do, you’ll start to be more understanding and empathetic, instead of frustrated.

Even though they say they are 100% serious, I still didn’t dive into the deep, technical “how to” because they are not ready. You’re doing them a favor by parceling out your advice — and you’re giving them a minor barrier to see how serious they really are. Anyone can “say” they’re serious. This is an example of using barriers strategically.

Once you offer your advice, close with an authentic compliment for the person you’re talking to. This helps reaffirm to them that they are capable of handling the situation and ends your encouragement on a high note.

Here’s a great example of one:

You: “John, you’re going to do great. You’re one of the most motivated people I know.”

Them: “Why’s that?”

You: “After talking with you, I noticed you genuinely want to get out of your bad situation. Not only that, but you’re actively doing something about it. That’s something I couldn’t say for the majority of people out there.”

Look at how this compliment is authentic and observational. You noticed something about them and responded authentically to it. Not only will this encourage the person you’re talking to, but they’ll appreciate you all the more for it.

In his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie put it best:

“The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.”

People aren’t stupid. They know a weak compliment (or “flattery” as Carnegie called it) when they hear it. They also know the value of a good authentic compliment and appreciate it.

Put these elements together and you can encourage anyone who’s ready for it.

Build the skills to encourage anyone

You can give people the best encouragement in the world, hand them the best tactics, techniques, and strategies, but it still won’t work until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of putting in the work and making a change.

That means having the intuition to recognize those moments and the confidence to jump right into those social situations.

If you need help getting there, I want to give you something to help.

First, here’s a video I made to help you improve your social skills in 30 minutes. It’ll help you better position yourself to give advice anyone will listen to.

Second, my team and I have worked on something to help you take your social skills to the next level:

The Ultimate Guide to Social Skills

This is my FREE guide to help you navigate any confusing social situation. You’ll learn how to:

Make small talk. I reveal the common mistakes most people make and show you some simple ways to make small talk with anyone. 

Overcome shyness and build confidence. These are my best strategies on overcoming anxiety and being confident in group settings.

Be more likable. Transform yourself into that person who can walk into any bar or party and talk to anyone with ease.

Enter your information below and get started building amazing social skills today.

How to encourage someone in 3 steps is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

from Surety Bond Brokers? Business https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/how-to-encourage-someone/

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How to encourage someone in 3 steps

Knowing how to encourage someone is key for:

Fostering lasting relationships

Developing crucial leadership skills

Helping struggling loved ones improve their lives.

… BUT if you do it wrong, it’s an easy way to frustrate everyone, or worse, come across as a know-it-all.

I’m not going to let that happen to you though. I want to show you a great system to help you learn how to encourage someone today.

How to encourage someone

Here’s the secret to encouraging people you won’t hear from 99.9% of life coaches and self-help books:

You can only encourage someone if they want it.

Think back to high school. I’d be willing to bet that the majority of you have forgotten things from your math classes like the quadratic formula or whatever the heck a protractor does. BUT if I asked you all the words to a song you loved in high school — the one you blasted in the car with your friends and every morning on the way to school — you’d be able to sing it to me perfectly (vocal skills depending).

The same idea applies to encouragement; it’s only effective and ingrained in us when we want it. It’s human nature.

So if you try to encourage someone who doesn’t want it you’re just wasting your time.

This might seem callous but it’s actually very freeing. When you’re able to recognize who’s ready to be encouraged, you’ll know where to focus your energy when it comes to helping people who need it.

I’ve developed a three-step system to help you identify these moments to help you encourage anyone willing to improve themselves.

Step 1: Stop and listen

I got this email from a reader a while back:

From: “J.”

Subject: My question is your next blog topic.

My mother is a hot mess. In a sense, I arose from the ashes of poverty while she still hangs her hat there. She came to visit for Thanksgiving and asked me how I “made my millions” (slight exaggeration) so she could too. I don’t know how to tell her she sucks with money and that she needs to get her shit straight before she can dream of island vacations, or even owning a new car on her own.

Thoughts on how to tell a single mom who raised a half a dozen children who’s 60+ years old that she doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing and needs to get her shit in gear?

You’re the man. If you have questions, I’m available on my cell or by email.

All the Best,

J.

Notice what is going on here. This reader wants to encourage his mother — but is being very judgemental. His moral righteousness is preventing him from realizing a key thing: His mother is starting in the same place he did.

He even acknowledges it saying, “I arose from the ashes of poverty while she still hangs her hat there.” But he still goes into a judgemental tirade about how his mother is screwing up.

His first step should have been to step back and acknowledge where she is in the journey. Like him, she also started from poverty. Unlike him, there were probably different potentially bigger barriers in her way, like raising children.

The worst people in the world are people who just learned enough to be dangerous (typically, people who just learned about paleo, weightlifting, or personal finance). They’ve gone through the journey of deciding to change their life, so now they believe everyone needs to join them … without realizing that three months before, they wouldn’t have wanted to hear any of that!

So if someone comes to you who needs encouragement, your first step should always be to stop and listen. Empathize with where they are in their journey.

Two other key points:

Spend time building rapport. It’s easy to launch into how “simple” or “easy” the solution to someone’s problems is. Instead, spend the majority of your time just listening. The conversation should be 90% them 10% you.

Acknowledge their feelings. There’s no better way to discourage someone than by telling them their feelings aren’t legitimate. If someone who needs encouragement comes to you, acknowledge and address their emotions — even if you don’t quite agree with them.

Step 2: Measure how serious they are

Your next step is to discern if they’re ready to be encouraged.

Say a friend comes to you and is telling you about how he’s really struggling with his credit card debt. He also knows you recently got out of debt yourself.

You’ve listened to him talk, empathized with him, and now you’re going to ask him one simple question:

“How serious are you?”

This is key. If your friend’s answer is anything other than, “I’m very serious. I’m ready to do anything to get out of debt,” they don’t want your encouragement and probably just wanted to just complain or feel validated.

In that case, just smile and say, “You’re doing great. I’m sure you’ll figure things out.” Anything more than that would be a waste of time and energy for you.

However, if they communicate that they’re ready for genuine encouragement, move onto the next step.

Step 3: Give them genuine encouragement

Like giving a good compliment, encouraging someone requires authenticity. That’s why you should avoid giving meaningless platitudes like:

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way!”

“The universe never gives you more than you can handle!”

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”

In fact, NEVER utter any of the phrases above out loud to anyone. The world will be better for it.

Instead, a genuine encouragement acknowledges their struggles and offers a potential solution to their problems.

Let’s take your friend who’s talking to you about debt. After listening you ask, “How serious are you?”

SCENARIO 1: I want to get out of debt! I’m just awful with numbers and this economy is so lame and—

Stop. They don’t really want to know a great system to get out of debt. They just want to complain and for you to listen to them.

YOUR ANSWER: Yeah, it’s tough. I just make sure I’m paying my bills each month.

Another scenario:

SCENARIO 2: Yeah, I’d really like to get out of debt. I’m trying this new thing where I’m cutting out lattes each month and skipping every other meal.

They’re not looking for technical advice. They just want to feel better about what they’re doing. In this case, validate them.

YOUR ANSWER: Good job. That sounds difficult.

Final scenario:

SCENARIO 3: I’m serious. I’ve been reading a few blogs about budgeting. I’ve been contributing X% of my paycheck towards my debt. How did you do it? You got out of debt so fast last year, I want to know how. I’ll do whatever you did.

Now your friend is ready for helpful, genuine encouragement. They’re showing that they’re ready to accept what you have to say and are eager to hear it.

YOUR ANSWER: Great! It sounds like you’re already doing a great job with the research and paying down your debt. Tell you what, send me an email with the amount of your debt and income and we’ll talk about what else you could be doing to crush your debt.

Notice two things with the last example — these are important:

It seems unfathomably rare that anyone would actually say, “I’m serious. I’ll do whatever you tell me to.” Almost nobody ever says this, because almost nobody really wants advice to the level of following through. They want to complain, they want to feel validated, but fewer than 1 in 1,000 actually want to change their behavior. It took me 10 years to truly internalize this. Once you do, you’ll start to be more understanding and empathetic, instead of frustrated.

Even though they say they are 100% serious, I still didn’t dive into the deep, technical “how to” because they are not ready. You’re doing them a favor by parceling out your advice — and you’re giving them a minor barrier to see how serious they really are. Anyone can “say” they’re serious. This is an example of using barriers strategically.

Once you offer your advice, close with an authentic compliment for the person you’re talking to. This helps reaffirm to them that they are capable of handling the situation and ends your encouragement on a high note.

Here’s a great example of one:

You: “John, you’re going to do great. You’re one of the most motivated people I know.”

Them: “Why’s that?”

You: “After talking with you, I noticed you genuinely want to get out of your bad situation. Not only that, but you’re actively doing something about it. That’s something I couldn’t say for the majority of people out there.”

Look at how this compliment is authentic and observational. You noticed something about them and responded authentically to it. Not only will this encourage the person you’re talking to, but they’ll appreciate you all the more for it.

In his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie put it best:

“The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.”

People aren’t stupid. They know a weak compliment (or “flattery” as Carnegie called it) when they hear it. They also know the value of a good authentic compliment and appreciate it.

Put these elements together and you can encourage anyone who’s ready for it.

Build the skills to encourage anyone

You can give people the best encouragement in the world, hand them the best tactics, techniques, and strategies, but it still won’t work until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of putting in the work and making a change.

That means having the intuition to recognize those moments and the confidence to jump right into those social situations.

If you need help getting there, I want to give you something to help.

First, here’s a video I made to help you improve your social skills in 30 minutes. It’ll help you better position yourself to give advice anyone will listen to.

Second, my team and I have worked on something to help you take your social skills to the next level:

The Ultimate Guide to Social Skills

This is my FREE guide to help you navigate any confusing social situation. You’ll learn how to:

Make small talk. I reveal the common mistakes most people make and show you some simple ways to make small talk with anyone. 

Overcome shyness and build confidence. These are my best strategies on overcoming anxiety and being confident in group settings.

Be more likable. Transform yourself into that person who can walk into any bar or party and talk to anyone with ease.

Enter your information below and get started building amazing social skills today.

How to encourage someone in 3 steps is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

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12 Super-Achievable Ways to Unplug More This Year

We use our phones for absolutely everything. Need to eat? Seamless or Grubhub is just minutes away. Need to send your exact location to a friend? Drop a pin. Need a date? Hop onto Bumble and swipe until you line one up. While 24/7 access to these technologies has greatly improved our quality of life in many ways, our mental health and social skills have also taken a hit, at least according to The TAF Preventive Medicine Bulletin.

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Of course, there are also plenty of emotional benefits to our smartphones: Many folks live far away from family and old friends, and contemporary technology plays a vital role in keeping those relationships intact. But where do we draw the line?

When reflecting on this past year, I realized that I had gotten sucked into my online world with the good intention of keeping in touch with my loved ones, but that being connected 24/7 had cost me some mental health—and a lot of time. So I’ve resolved to make some major changes this year to help me disconnect, which will also help me focus on myself and my goals, and upkeep those relationships in a more healthy way. Here are 12 ways that you can do this too:

1. Join an accountability group (kind of!).

Sometimes because I work so much, I don’t get to see my friends very often. Weeks or months of "we need to catch up" texts will go by until finally, we find an hour when we’re both free (and exhausted) after work. At this point, the hangout, which is almost always grabbing a drink at the bar, can feel more like a chore than anything else.

But there are ways to combat this struggle—and the constant scheduling ping-pong that precedes it. Seek out friends who also want to unplug and take turns planning outings and evenings where you can leave your cellphones at the door and enjoy each other’s company instead. You can theme it up too: Get into a murder mystery game, host a wine tasting, do some karaoke...

2. Plan work lunch dates.

Usually, when I eat lunch at work, I end up blindly surfing the web. I feel like I desperately need to pause from the day’s tasks, but I don’t actually leave my desk, so I mindlessly browse Facebook or Pinterest... but I don’t ever take an actual break. And I’ve noticed that since I’ve fallen into this pattern, I don’t really have a lot of friends at work or know much about my co-workers.

This year, I’ve started asking my co-workers to eat lunch with me. I’m learning more about my colleagues, which is fun, and also helps out when navigating how to alleviate tension at work and understanding how my colleagues work best. It’s also great for avoiding that end-of-day technology hangover.

3. Give yourself a home project.

This year, I decided that instead of sitting on my couch looking through Instagram on the weekends, I’d give myself small projects in my home, starting with a super-easy DIY chalkboard wall, working up to redecorating my bathroom.

Pinterest can be overwhelming—especially considering how many Pinterest endeavors, once you actually try them, end up being epic fails—but there are a few good ones in the pile. One of my favorite projects that actually panned out was this pallet coffee mug organizer, only with one alteration: I used "S" hooks that you can buy at your local hardware store instead so that I can switch out what I hang there. Sometimes I use it for my mugs, other times to hang herbs. Another successful project: DIYing old glass jars into decorative containers to store bathroom items like Q-tips and bobby pins.

4. Get a workout buddy.

You may have a fitness goal this year, but if you’re anything like me, you’ll spend half your time at the gym adjusting your playlist and snapping photos on your Instagram Story. Look! I worked out! Here’s proof! You end up leaving the gym two hours later with only about 45 minutes of actual working out accomplished.

Next time you work out, bring a buddy and leave your phone in your locker instead. You can’t get lost in your own world if you’re busy catching up in between sets, plus your friend can push you to achieve your fitness goals and vice-versa.

5. Schedule phone calls and Facetime.

I often find myself overwhelmed by a deluge of text threads from out-of-town family and friends. Keeping up with those relationships is very important to me, but sometimes I feel like I’m taking hours at a time to catch up via text. Worse yet, I usually feel like we never even truly connect and instead just gush about how much we miss one another.

This year’s solution: scheduling phone calls and Facetimes with my loved ones so I can give them my undivided attention. Sure, yes, I’m still on my phone, which isn’t exactly disconnecting, but a one-hour, high-quality Facetime or phone call allows me to catch up with my loved ones way more than hours of distracted text messaging can. What’s gained? Time and real connections. Plus, we can plan for when we’re going to talk, so it’s convenient for both of us—and we have far more real news to catch up on by the time we can speak on the phone.

6. Make a reading list.

As a kid, I loved reading, and as an adolescent, books helped me escape. But as an adult, I’ve fallen completely flat. The excuses are endless, but primarily center around the same concern: I feel like I don’t have the time. This year, I decided to make a reading list so that I couldn’t make any more excuses.

Now every time someone recommends a book, I write it down in my planner with a note on the genre or subject matter so I have a running list to choose from. Instead of surfing the web, I make sure I use that critical 30 minutes before bedtime to read. According to The National Sleep Foundation, unplugging before bedtime improves the quality of your sleep. Combine that with the positive effects of reading, including increased connectivity in the brain, and you’re out of excuses to avoid doing something you already love.

7. Pass The '90s Test.

Being a child of the new millennium, I have no idea how to date without social media and cell phones—we’ve grown up learning to take our social cues and flirtations from Instagram, Snapchat, and text messages. I was thinking recently about what my relationships would be like if they weren’t so rooted in online communication and realized that most of them would be effectively nonexistent. So I realized I needed to stop developing more 2D relationships and focus instead on seeing potential romances in person.

So I came up with what I call "The '90s Test." I’ll only use my phone to set up a date with a person (like you would when you called someone’s landline back in the day). I make sure to leave on time so I don’t have the crutch of texting updates when I’m late, and I bring a book to read while I wait if they’re late. I’ve found that this also sets the standard of not using phones on the date, so that it’s uninterrupted and genuine. This way, if it’s a good date, you’ll know quickly that you have a real connection—and if it’s not going anywhere, you won’t have to wonder. You’ll figure it out fast instead of hiding behind your phone.

8. Invest in a camera.

The beauty of the modern age is that we don’t need 800 different devices to do everything we want; your iPhone can do practically everything. But how many times have you been on vacation or at an event where you promised yourself that you’d only bring your phone for pictures, but end up posting all over (and subsequently scrolling through) Instagram, or pretending to be occupied with something on your phone in order to avoid mingling or diffuse an awkward situation? I’ve done that so many times, and I walk away from the experience feeling like I kind of missed it all. This has led me to buy a simple camera. It makes me stay in the moment, and later, if I really want to upload any to Instagram when I’m bored at home, I always can.

9. Pioneer nights.

Growing up in Florida, this is how my parents used to make losing power during a hurricane fun. My parents would challenge my brother and me to avoid using anything electric all night. We’d eat by candlelight, talk instead of watching TV, and go to bed when we were actually tired.

Try this at home alone or throw an adult sleepover with friends: Break out your favorite candles, no-cook snacks (cheese, wine, and a box of frozen cupcakes should do the trick), and board games, and spend the night sans electronics. Go to bed early, and you’ll feel like a million bucks the next day.

10. Get a pen pal.

A while ago, my friend Lauren and I decided to become pen pals. You might assume that going old-school this way would make keeping up our friendship harder, but while we speak less than we might otherwise, the quality of the communication is much higher. I feel like so much online communication is one-sided, but as pen pals, we’re forced to ask questions about each other’s lives.

When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, who is a mutual friend, I sent Lauren a letter about it. About a week later, I received a letter from her expressing her condolences and agreeing that he was a jerk, and a week after that, I sent her a letter back, updating her on how I was doing. By the time she’d sent the next letter, I was already healing and there wasn’t any room for petty he-said/she-said talk. It felt like a really natural way to process the breakup and receive support from a friend. Now we send each other goodies like homemade jewelry in the mail too, and she’s one less friend I have to worry about texting—we’ve got our own thing going.

11. Take a class.

I’m the biggest culprit of complaining I have no time for anything, but then spending hours on my phone, doing a whole lot of nothing. I’d always like to go to that yoga, painting, or acting class, but then my day flashes before my eyes. This year, though, I plan to go to a class once a week.

I know it’s not possible for everybody, but if you can, consider trying to build an extra $30-60 per week into your budget. Learning new things is an amazing act of self-care. And when you actively engage in learning as an adult, not only will you feel an incomparable sense of accomplishment you can’t get at work, but you’ll also just become a more interesting human.

12. Jump into your side hustle.

Probably the only thing more popular than the puppy filter on Snapchat right now is having a side hustle. So many of us are coming into our own as creators and want to be in charge of our own source of income. Whether that means making personalized t-shirts or starting your own production company, consider starting to take baby steps toward your entrepreneurial dreams instead of endlessly checking Facebook. When you’re doing something for yourself that you’re passionate about, the benefits are endless.

Anie Delgado is a freelance writer, actress, and musician based in NYC. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @anie_delgado and check out her music on Spotify. from Greatist RSS http://ift.tt/2EmanGT 12 Super-Achievable Ways to Unplug More This Year Greatist RSS from HEALTH BUZZ http://ift.tt/2mbt1L9

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When "Just Trying to Help" Doesn't Work

I recently watched a video that really struck a chord with me because of the way it highlighted the part on my life where social interaction really became stressful. The past three years have been the most difficult of my life. Now that my circumstances are finally changing, I'm finally in a space where I can use my emotional journey to help others.

Before this, it was hard for me to understand how sometimes it's better to just leave people alone when you don't know how to help them. When life is hard and you can no longer hide it, like many are pressured to do on a daily basis--story for another day--it's only natural for people to want to help. What else is natural, is how those same people try to comfort you in ways that help them through hard times. Simple enough, right?

Quite. However, life just is everything but simple when emotions get involved. Emotions suck, and they can really grind gears without proper understanding of what's going on from all parties involved.

What many don't know, including me until fairly recently, is that there's more than one way to make someone feel better. The video I liked above shows six of these options that I feel like most would be able to relate to. The video is brief and straightforward, but  I'd still recommend you give it a watch. Some people usually lean toward one or other on this list. There are also those like myself who shuffle through all these seemingly at random. But not really random. Let me explain...

What I'll be talking about is exactly why these options may not always work.

 Option 1: Offering Solutions

What can really be frustrating about this is that sometimes the solutions just aren't warranted or don't make sense. Your loved one comes home and complains to you about work, and your first though is to maybe offer a solution as to how they could change their situation for the better and work things out. That's very thoughtful of you, but it just doesn't seem to be working and they're still frustrated. You were just trying to help. What went wrong?

You may be pressuring them into thanking you for advice that either doesn't make sense in context

Rushing out advice can often feel like you're trying to just push their problems out the way and move on

 Option 2: Offering Optimism

can easily feel forced

can seem like you're not listening

can seem like you're neglecting the real issue at hand

often involve quotes that everyone has heard before

 Option 3: Offering Pessimism

may not make sense or seem rational

can make them feel pressured to agree even though they really don't

while it can make some feel better, it can make others simply feel worse

I'd suggest this only with that person who typically faces or embraces life's harsh realities head-on, but are finding this situation particularly hard to work out

 Option 4: Offered Practical Help

similar to option 1 and 2, it can feel really impersonal

I feel like this generally works best for the kind of person who you really know what will make them feel better. Suggesting random things whether they actually like them or not can be really hit or miss and depends on the person and your relationship.

I've always been kind of wary about this option, being that I always imagine them going home and still being in just as much of a rut behind closed doors. 

It can just as much make them feel like you're trying to brush everything under the rug and move on without listening

"Sometimes none of the ways we like work and we have to search harder."

This is true. Everyone is different. It can be (very) frustrating, but it's true nonetheless.

In the end, it's the thought that counts. Your heart was probably in the right place. However, if you're met with evasive responses, don't take it personally.

 Option 5: Just Listen

The safest option for those people you were "just trying to help" (in my opinion)

The safest option for the person who always goes ("I just don't know what to say" *shrug* *nervous smile*)

I've had people get anxious around me and say

when you've tried option 1 - 4, it's usually because this is all they wanted

Some people just want to vent and be listened to. That's really it. When you can't figure out what to do, I would definitely consider this to be your go-to option.

 Option 6: Affection

Well, this one basically speaks for itself. However, it's similar to Option 6, just more intimate. Sometimes all they want is a hug. Or, y'know...

  Anyway, looking back, some may considering this list overbearing and frustrating. And yes, it definitely is. However, as I've said before, emotions suck.

Many times, there is no best solution. There's no guarantee that you can just swoop into someone's time of struggle and make everything better without breaking a few eggs. People are complicated, and many don't even understand their own emotional needs, at times. It may be hard, but sometimes you just have to learn to not take their evasiveness personal and move on. That's not to say that they're beyond help, or that you need to cut them out of your life entirely. They just may not want help right now, or may not want it from you. This could be because they're looking for someone in mind who they know will understand, or that specific someone to spend time with for Option 6... 

 What's important for you, yourself, is to be around the kind of person who will at least explain things or apologize to you later.