#they bonded forever in this specific moment sobbing crying throwing up

[metiredlr]

THIS is the exact moment Endou rizzed them both up

[theright-sideofme]

Feeling. J. Wooyoung

Wooyoung x fem!reader College au!, Soulmate au! WC: 4.9k Summary: You were one of the few who actually had a soulmate, shame you though the whole idea of love was artificial. Warnings: mentions of panic attack, language,

*12 years ago*

“Y/n got her soulmate mark!” Yeosang, your best friend shouted to the rest of the class a few seconds after the heart shaped scar bloomed on your skin; a moment you would never forget. The whole class ran over to you, shoving one another to see the mark that had just appeared on your skin. You were the first kid in your class to get a soulmate mark, so to say everyone was excited was an understatement.

“A heart? What’s a heart mean?” asked Mingi, another boy in your class. “Love” Yeosang said in a ‘duh’ tone that made you giggle. “Actually, it means Y/n will be able to feel what her soulmate feels, and they’ll be able to feel what she feels.” Your teacher explained, earning a chorus of ‘oh’s’ from you and your classmates. After everyone got a look at your mark your teacher was quick to get everyone back in their seats to resume class. You looked down at your wrist, a smile coming to your face as your heart swelled, “I have a soulmate” you whispered happily to yourself.

*Present*

You let out a sigh as you quickly cover up your soulmate mark with multiple bracelets, not wanting to look at it any longer. The day you found out you were one of the few who had a soulmate, you couldn’t have been more happy, but as you grew up, you realized your soulmate mark came with the watching eyes of everyone who saw it.

Soulmates were a bit of a rare occurrence, so when people saw anyone with a soulmate mark it grabbed their attention. Whether people were jealous or just curious about the phenomenon, everyone you had ever met only care about the stupid mark on your wrist. The only people who didn’t care were your best friends, Yeosang and Mingi. They both had marks of their own, but unlike you, they didn’t mind the prying eyes, the only thing they cared about was finding their soulmate.

“You can’t hide it forever you know,” Yeosang teased as he walked into you room, not even bothering to knock. “I can try” you huffed back in response. “What happens when you meet your soulmate, are you still gonna hide it” “probably” “dude seriously?”

Normally, when people find their soulmate, they proudly put themselves on display: showing off their mark, being overly affectionate in public, and over all just sucking up any attention they could get. It was disgusting.

“Yeah, seriously,” you stated. “I wouldn’t like that if I was your soulmate, I’d wanna show off our bond.” Yeosang stated, making you roll your eyes. Before you could respond with some witty comeback, a sudden wave of sadness hit you like a truck. Tears welled up in your eyes for god knows what reason and you felt like you had a lump the size of a baseball in your throat, it was awful. “What- whoah, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you upset- no no no don’t cry” Yeosang said frantically as he tried to calm you down. You tried to explain that it wasn’t him, but the only thing that left your mouth was a sob.

“Heyy- What the hell did you do” Mingi said as he walked into your apartment, quickly rushing to your side and pulling you into his arms. “I didn’t do anything-” “of course you did something, it’s you” “Hey-” “shut up, please” you managed to say through sobs.

As much as you hated your soulmate bond, you hated that your soulmate was feeling like this even more. It made you wonder what happened and if they were okay, if someone was with them to help them.

After about five minutes of you sobbing, you finally calmed down enough to explain what happened. “Ah your soulmate bond! I thought you really were upset with me” “good” you sniffled, “maybe this will teach you to stay out of my business” “hmm” Yeosang pretended to be deep in thought before tackling you, “nah I’m good.” “Group hug!” Mingi shouted before pulling both you and Yeosang into his arms.

For the rest of the day you had this lingering sadness and the lump in your throat never went away. You never really gave much thought to your soulmate before, but today you just couldn’t stop your mind from wandering. There was this urge to find them and hold them and reassure them that everything would be okay. You tried pushing those thoughts away, you didn��t even want a soulmate, so why were you so concerned? You tried to convince yourself it was just because you were a nice person, but there was a deeper reason and you could feel it, no matter how hard you tried to deny it.

You now sat at one of your favorite cafes with Mingi and Yeosang. You had went there to study, but no one was studying. Mingi was trying to balance a spoon on his nose, Yeosang was making sure Mingi would fail at that task, and you were recording all of it. Soft giggles left your mouth as Yeosang pushed Mingi for the third time, making the spoon fall to the ground. “Dude, come on-” Mingi pouted, shoving Yeosang back. “-I almost had it!” “Yeah I know, that’s the point” Mingi picked up the spoon from the ground and threw it a Yeosang, hitting him right in the forehead. You let out a loud laugh, all but snorting at the look on Yeosang’s face. The two bickered like two little kids for a while, giving you a front row seat to another one of their entertaining arguments. You were so distracted by your two best friends that you didn’t even realize the lump in your throat was gone.

--

Wooyoung lied in bed, a small smile on his face as he felt the urge to laugh. His soulmate was happy. He had been hurting all day, and he could only imagine what that did to his soulmate, so feeling them feel so care free- it made him happy. All Wooyoung ever wanted for his soulmate was for them to be happy, and he couldn’t stand when he would feel you hurt. He found it funny how quickly you would get annoyed or frustrated, he honestly just couldn’t wait to meet you.

After a while of just enjoying feeling okay, he looked over and saw it was actually getting pretty late and he had an 8am class tomorrow. He had already skipped class today, he couldn’t skip tomorrow too. So he quickly got ready for bed, slowly falling asleep with a warm feeling in his chest and a smile on his face.

“Feeling better” San asked as he plopped his stuff down next to Wooyoung. They had both shown up to class early, which was weird for the two who were normally the last ones into their classes. “Yeah, I’ll be good man” “that’s good, because we’re parting tonight.” San excitedly as he took his seat next to Wooyoung. Wooyoung had been down for the past few days and yesterday was the tipping point, San just wanted him to go out and let loose.

Wooyoung let a chuckle slip past his lips as he shook his head. “I don’t feel like going to another frat party-” “well it’s not a frat party because we’re throwing the party- just come on man” San whined as he all but begged his friend. “I’ll think about it.” Wooyoung sighed. He pulled out his laptop and textbook, getting ready for class when he heard the door get busted open. Everyone turned to the door to see two guys scrambling to stand up, and a girl, trying to get away from the two as quick as possible.

“You started it- hey, don’t run away from us!” The taller of the two shouted at the girl as she rushed to get a seat. She pretended like she didn’t hear them and sat two rows in front of San and Wooyoung. The two boys were quick to sit next to her, the shorter boy wrapping his arm around the girl as the taller one sat on her lap. “You two are so embarrassing- get off.” The girl whined as she tried to pry herself away from the two.

Wooyoung watched in amusement, they were definitely going to make this new semester interesting. He seem couldn’t pull his attention away from the trio, more specifically, the girl. She was beautiful, her smile was enchanting and her laughter made his heart swell, she was the type of girl people wrote songs about.

San noticed his friends staring and smiled. Wooyoung had always been faithful to a soulmate he had never met. He never had other relationships and he never gave into crushes he deemed “small” and “silly” all because he had a soulmate. Now here he was, ogling over a girl he didn’t know.

“Why don’t you go talk to her” San suggested, making Wooyoung snap out of his gaze. “Huh, why?” “because you think she’s cute” “I have a soulmate” “and you're not gonna know how to treat them if you’ve never been in a relationship” “then I learn with them” “what makes you think your soulmate's never dated anyone before?” Wooyoung had never considered that, but why would his soulmate date someone else if they knew they would end up with him- their soulmate. Wooyoung shook his head, trying to get rid of the jealous feeling that rose in his chest. He had no right to be jealous; he tried to reason to himself, but he couldn’t help it.

San saw him overthinking and sighed, “look, you’re just gonna have a nice friendly conversation with her, you’ll be fine.” Wooyoung thought for a moment, and San was right, he was just going to talk to her, nothing else. “Fine.”

--

After class you, Mingi, and Yeosang gathered your things and got ready to leave. “Be honest, the professor was totally checking me out, right?” You froze, giving Mingi an incredulous look before remembering, “It’s Mingi.” So with a small giggle you nodded, deciding to entertain his delusions. “Yeah Min, She was totally checking you” “I sense sarcasm; I will ignore.” Both you and Yeosang laughed as you continued to pack up, shaking your head at you crazy friend.

“Uh hey” the three of you snapped your heads up and saw two rather attractive guys standing in front of you. One had pink hair and cat like eyes that would probably be scary if he wasn't smiling. The other guy- he was breathtaking. He had jet black hair and the most enchanting eyes- whoa. “Um, hi” you replied, silently wondering if your heart speeding up was you or your soulmate.

“We’re throwing a party tonight and you guys seem… fun, so we were wondering if you wanted to come?” The one with black hair asked as he shot you a smile. Okay so the heart thing was definitely you, got it. You took a deep breath and looked back at your friends, who were already looking at you with puppy dog eyes. They knew you didn’t like parties, but they loved parties, and loved to make new friends. Mingi even grabbed onto your hand like a toddler and pouted out his lip. Letting out a sigh, you turned back to the two boys and nodded, “we’ll be there-” “yes!” The two boys behind you cheered, making you try to hold in a laugh, “um, I can give you my number and you could text me the address?” “yeah, sounds good.” The two of you quickly exchanged numbers and then the five of your exited the class before parting ways.

“They were cute” Mingi sighs as he looks dreamily into the distance. “Yeah, and one of them was totally checking out Y/n” “Ha, I beg your pardon?” Yeosang smirks as he pulls you in closer. “Come on Y/n, don’t tell me you're blind? The dude you gave your number to was totally checking you out” “well it doesn’t matter” you say simply, trying to ignore the feeling of heat rising to your cheeks. Was he really checking you out?

“You know, for someone who rejects the idea of her soulmate so much, you’ve been awfully loyal to them.” Yeosang points out, “huh?” “You’ve never been in a relationship, you never entertained anyone who had romantic feelings for you, hell you even stepped on Nicks foot when he asked you out” “yeah but Nick was a dick” Mingi interjected.

Okay, so maybe it was true you’ve never tried to pursue a romantic relationship with anyone, but you didn’t think that had anything to do with your soulmate. You had rejected the idea of love a long time ago. Nowadays, a relationship was another accessory everyone wanted to show off, and you didn’t want to feel like a human handbag. People who found their soulmates often just assumed they would work out just because they were soulmates, they didn’t try to make the whole process of falling in love special, they just flaunted their soulmate marks and relationships. You didn’t want to end up like that, ever.

--

The party had been going on for about an hour in Wooyoung, San, Jongho, and Yunho’s shared apartment and was now filled with people, most of which Wooyoung didn’t even know. Sure, Wooyoung was a social butterfly and had probably talked to almost everyone there, but that didn’t mean he knew them or even their names. Wooyoung lets out a sigh, leaning up against the wall as he sips his drink quietly. The only person Wooyoung actually wanted to see right now was you, but you were nowhere to be found.

“Hey, this is your party, right?” Some girl asks as she comes up to Wooyoung. “My roommates party, but yeah sure” “well it’s really great” she said cheerily as she looks up at him with a bright smile. Wooyoung nods, truly uninterested in what the girl had to say. “Mhm, it’s super” the girl giggles, leaning closer to Wooyoung who doesn’t even spare her a glance. “You seem to be the only one not having fun.” She says with a pout, and Wooyoung is about ready to just start ignoring her, but then he sees you walk in the room with your friends. He felt relief and excitement wash over him when his eyes landed on you “Excuse me.” Was all Wooyoung said to the girl as he quickly made his way over to you.

“You made it” Wooyoung cheers as he approaches the three of you. You smile and nod, looking around the crowded apartment for a brief moment, how do so many people fit in this small ass place, you wonder. Yeosang places a hand on your shoulder before telling you he’s gonna go get you guys some drinks and you nod. Wooyoung directs him to the kitchen and he ends up taking Mingi with him, leaving you and Wooyoung alone, well as alone as you can be in a crowded room.

“I didn’t think you’d come” “I thought about it, trust me” you only half joked, parties really weren’t your thing. “Well I’m glad you did, my night just got a whole lot better” he said as he gave you a sweet smile. You could’ve swore your heart skipped a beat, your eyes widening slightly at his comment. Wow this boy was smooth. “I’m sure your night was just fine without me” you teased as you tried to play off your mini panic. “Sure, it was fine, but now it’s better.” You just started at him, trying to push your butterflies deep, deep down. What the heck was up with this guy and why were you so affected by him?

Wooyoung smiled at your reaction, trying to push his own butterflies to the side, but he really couldn’t, not when you were staring at him all cutely. He had to fight back the urge to pinch your cheeks, crossing his arms to help him out a bit. He was just as confused as you were, he had never felt so… interested by anyone like this before, it made his heart pound in his chest.

You quickly averted your gaze to try and stop the heat spreading to your cheeks, and that’s when you noticed your two friends had abandoned you for some guys from your psychology class, Hongjoong and Seonghwa you think their names are. “Well that’s rude” “you mumbled under your breath, and Wooyoung heard you, following your gaze before laughing. “Come on, let’s get you a drink,” he said. He placed his hand on the small of your back and you quickly jumped away, feeling like you had been shocked.

The two of you stared at each other. Did he feel it too? Wooyoung, out of curiosity, looked down at your wrist, only to see it covered with a copious amount of bracelets. You too, looked at his wrist and you felt the urge to vomit when you saw the same little heart scar that you had stared at every day since you were nine on his wrist. It had to be a coincidence, right? It didn’t matter, you suddenly felt hot, like someone had set you on fire and your breathing became uneven and heavy, you had to get out of there. Quickly turning on your heels, you rushed out of the apartment, rushing down the stairs to get as far away as you could.

Wooyoung was hot on your heels though, following behind you as soon as you left. “Y/n, Y/n slow down” Wooyoung called after you. The look on your face before you ran out had him so worried. Your eyes were wide, mouth slightly agape as your breathing started to pick up, he just wanted to know you were okay.

After running for a while, the thoughts in your head running rampant, you became light headed. You could barely stand up straight anymore, scraping both your palms and knees as you fell to the sidewalk. Wooyoung felt his heart drop when you fell and rushed to your side as quickly as he could. “Hey Y/n, you okay, just breath. In and out like this, can you do that?” “N-no- I- too much” “Y/n, hey Y/n look at me.” Wooyoung cupped your face, forcing you to look at him as he helped you calm down.

He knew then that you were his soulmate, because he could feel all of it, the light headedness, the heart racing, the fear that had built up in the pit of his stomach, he knew. So once you were calm and in his arms, he let out a shaky sigh, holding you a bit tighter as he looked down at you. He had dreamed about meeting his soulmate for so long, never did he imagine that his soulmate would get a panic attack upon finding out. All he wanted was for you to feel safe and happy around him, not scared and vulnerable.

The two of you sat there in silence on the side of the sidewalk for about 30 minutes, he still held you in his arms and you allowed him, feeling an odd sense of comfort from his hold. The two of you would get strange looks from passerbyers but you didn’t care, not right now.

“Thank you” were the first words out of your mouth as you pulled away to look at him. Wooyoung just nodded, keeping his hand on your back, rubbing it gently as if to reassure you. “I should go home” you said quietly as you stood up, “let me walk you” “you don’t-” “I’m not letting you walk alone at night.” His voice was gentle, but his tone also told you there was no room for argument, he was going to make sure you got home safe.

The entire walk was silent, Wooyoung was trying to figure out what to say to you. How was he meant to start a conversation with his soulmate who seemed so freaked out about having a soulmate? Wooyoung wanted to let out a loud groan of frustration and fall to the floor like a toddler throwing a fit, but he didn’t. Instead he turned to look over at you, letting a small sigh fall from his lips. “Can I ask you something?” Wooyoung finally speaks, making you stop to look at him. You nod, having a feeling you knew what he was going to ask. “Why are you so afraid” “I’m not” he gave you an unamused look before holding up his wrist. “I can feel what you feel, remember?” Damn this stupid fucking bond, you mentally cursed. You know he deserved an answer, he was your soulmate and was equally affected by whatever was going on in your life as you were, but you didn’t know him, you didn’t feel comfortable opening up to him, not yet. “Will you be mad if I tell you I can’t tell you” “can’t or won’t” “won’t” you answered truthfully. Wooyoung let out a soft sigh before shaking his head, “I won’t be mad, if you're not comfortable I’m not going to push you-” There was a beat of silence as he ran his hand through his hair as he tried to calm down his frustration. “Will you tell me eventually?” “I don’t know… I hope so” you answer truthfully. That seems to be enough for Wooyoung as he nods and takes your hand in his, motioning for you to lead the way.

--

It had been two days since the party and you hadn’t seen Wooyoung since, and for some reason, it was killing you. You felt like a total sellout, just a week ago you were perfectly content with never meeting your soulmate, barely giving the idea a thought, but now? Now you felt like you needed to see him. You had heard about this from other people with the soulmate mark, they say that once you meet your soulmate, all you want is to be around them, you thought that was utter bull shit, until now.

Yeosang and Mingi still didn’t know, and you weren’t about to tell them. You knew that once you did they would tell you how much of an idiot you were being. All you had to do was talk to him, get to know him and then maybe explain why you think soulmates are overrated, but you were scared that you would break around him, and give into the system you despised.

“It’s been two days, you need to get out of bed” Yeosang stated as he yanked your covers off you. “What even happened, why are you so moppy” Mingi asked as he helped Yeosang get you to stand. “Nothing” you mumbled, allowing them to push you into the bathroom so you could brush your teeth and get ready for class. “Come on Y/n, we’re not dumb, we know what’s going on.” You turned to Yeosang with wide eyes, he knew? How? “You’ve done nothing but stare at your soulmate mark for the past two day. So…” “so what” you replied, quickly turning back around to rinse out your mouth. “Who is it bitch” Mingi shouted as he turned you around to look at him. “No one, stop being weird” you tried to dismiss them and walk out but Yeosang blocked the door, staring straight into your eyes. “Who is it” “Who is it” they asked one after another, over and over again until they were basically chanting it in your ear. “Stop it! It’s Wooyoung, god it’s Wooyoung you freaks!” You shouted, quickly pushing past them to go back into your room.

“Wooyoung! The guy who invited us to that party?” Mingi exclaims with wide eyes. “Why didn’t you tell us” “because I knew you guys were going to freak out” “obviously! You found your soulmate that’s huge!” You just shook your head, he didn’t get it, after all these years he still didn’t understand. “Yeosang, I don’t want a soulmate” “no you don’t want an artificial, showy love” “wha-” “Y/n, for as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been nothing but closed off and reserved when it comes to the idea of soulmate, but I see you when you see couples, real couples walk down the street, or when you watch those cheesy rom coms or dramas. You want to be loved” Yeosang all but shouts at you. He loves you and he wants nothing but the best for you, but sometimes you could be so stubborn. “You’re afraid of your soulmate using you and your relationship for attention” “I- shut up” you pout, you hate how he knows you so well, it’s sickening.

Yeosang chuckles and takes a seat next to you on your bed, “so, it looks like you have two options, keep pretending that love is gross and disgusting and is the root of all evil, or you can share your concerns to Wooyoung and hope he understands” “what if he doesn’t?” Your voice is so small you ask the question, because you were terrified he wouldn’t, that the person you were meant to be with for the rest of your life would ignore your worries and brush them and you off. “Then me and Mingi will go have a little talk with him and you’ll never have to see him again” Mingi nods rapidly, showing you that he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you, neither of them would. “You guys suck, you know that'' you tease, allowing Yeosang to pull you into a hug. He hums in response, pulling you closer to ease your anxiety.

--

You stood in front of Wooyoung’s apartment, eyes trained on the door as you worked up the courage to knock. Which was proving to be a lot harder than you thought. You bring your hand up to the door, fist ready to knock, but you don’t you just stand there- until the door opens. You pull your hand back and step back quickly, you weren’t expecting anyone to open the door. San smiles at you, “you can go in, his room is the last door on the right” “thank you” you mumbled, quietly slipping in as San leaves, probably to attend one of his classes.

Knocking on Wooyoung’s door is a lot easier than knocking on the front door. “Go away” sounds tired and it hurts to think you caused that. “I can’t do that Wooyoung” you respond. In no time at all he’s standing in front of you with wide eyes. His hair is a bit messy and his shirt is on backwards, but he still managed to look so god damn good. Pushing that thought aside, you give him a weak smile, and he returns it, stepping out and closing his door. “I would say let’s talk in my rooms but it’s a bit of a mess right now” you giggle, nodding as you follow him to the living room.

“I’m sorry” is the first thing out of your mouth, “for what?” He seems genuinely confused. Wooyoung didn’t think you did anything wrong, he knew you needed space, it was just giving you that space was harder than he thought. “Y/n you have nothing to be sorry for” he reassures, gently rubbing your knee.You look at him and suddenly your fears of him not understanding melt away, in the short time you knew him, he’s probably the most understanding man you had ever met. He was sweet and kind and caring, how could you think he wouldn’t understand.

So you tell him everything, from how you feel that soulmate love feels fake, artificial, that no one tries, to your fear that he might use you as a way to get attention from others. And He listens, he listens to it all, never once interrupting you, encouraging you to take your time when you struggle to get the words out. He even wiped your tears when you started crying, hell he even started crying himself.

“Y/n-” He speaks up after you finish. He takes your hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze, “-I know my words won’t be enough to reassure you, so I’ll show you” he smiles. When you give him a confused look he smiles even harder, “I will show you that love isn’t superficial and I’ll show you that I will never use you, because I would never want to hurt you Y/n.” He speaks with so much sincerity that it overwhelms you, causing tears to effortlessly fall from your eyes. “All I have ever wanted was for my soulmate to be happy, and if I can make you happy, I will” Your body reacts before your brain can and you're immediately on him, hugging him so tightly as you let your happy tears flow freely. You don’t say anything, and neither does he, but you don’t have to, because both of you know that everything will be alright, as long as you’re together.

“Awww!” Wooyoung doesn’t let go of you as the two of you turn to see the owner of the voice. “Yun, you have terrible timing dude” Wooyoung grumbles to his roommate Yunho. “I’m sorry but that was just so sweet-” “get out” Wooyoung whined as he pulled you closer, making you laugh. Yunho mocks Wooyoung before giving you a joking bow, “it was nice to meet you Y/n” he says as he playfully winks. Wooyoung chases his friend out of the room before returning back to you. “Movie?” He questions and you nod, smiling up at him, “a movie sounds nice.”

[vv3nti]

i mean it — part one

jj maybank x reader

summary: jj would take the fall for any of his friends, he’s always ready to intervene and save the day. whenever y/n needed his help without question he was ready to move the mountains for her, he would do anything for her even if it meant giving up a lot himself. 

warnings: drug usage, soft jj, i didn’t read this over yikes

inspired by the netflix original series the society and the heart-warming scene of jj taking the blame for pope so he could keep his scholarship. there is a chunk of dialogue from the society— all rights to them. 

a/n: hello this is my outer banks side-blog you can find my other writing here at @nostalthicc​. send some request. 

you never want to be the one on the outside looking in but for y/n’s friends that precisely what they were going through. for the last hour or so, kiara, pope, and jj have been posted outside of y/n’s room door waiting for her to let them in and explain what’s going on. she was honestly an open person, so this caught everyone by surprise, what would happen for y/n to spend hours crying in her room? none of them knew what to do or what to expect; that’s why the pogues stayed at her door listening to the horrifying sobs, waiting for john b to get here with some food and drinks.

“what do you mean she won’t come out?” john b asked calmly as he pinched the bridge of his nose, pondering for a solution. food didn’t work, nor did her favorite drink. they needed to get creative because everyone was restless, and jj was ready to kick down the door- this was strongly disapproved by all the pogues. “okay, okay, listen. clearly, she doesn’t want all of us to see her right now, so we send one of us, right?” everyone nodded in agreement before all their eyes trailed to jj.

he rolled her eyes, gesturing john b to give him goods, it was no lie when it came to jj and y/n, the two of them had an unbreakable bond, and they were hoping that would help him get through to the girl. “i’ll call you in an hour.”

once the rest of the pogues were gone, jj slid down the wall, he knocked a few times announcing he was the only one left but still no response. after many failed attempts, he did the only logical thing to do, jj pushed a perfectly rolled blunt under the door.

a few moments later, he heard her hoarse voice. “i don't have a lighter.”

a smirk graced his lips, jj knew weed would do the trick, it always does. he was close to sliding his lighter to y/n, but an idea popped into his head. “if you want it, you gotta open the door.” he hesitantly spoke, hoping it wouldn’t cause her to inclose herself back into the room but to jj's luck y/n opened the door. it was difficult for him to take in her appearance, her hair was a disheveled mess atop her head, her eyes and nose were red from crying, tear stains ran down her cheeks, and y/n had a broken look in her eyes. jj hated seeing his friend like this, he would give anything to see a smile on her face instead of her dull expression.

"stop starring and give me the lighter." y/n held her hand out. "please." she added, not looking the boy in his eyes in fear of him asking her more questions. but she should have none better; this was jj.

"hey, wait, wait, wait." he began, getting onto his feet. "you don't get to lock us out of your room when you're clearly hurting and then act as though nothing happened. uh-uh y/n, not with me. you and i both know i don't work that way."

"well, maybe you should have let kie or pope stay because i have every intention of pretending nothing happened. i'm fine." a scowl was evident on your face, but he knew she was hurting and trying to push him away, he'd done it a thousand times himself.

jj drew a long breath before stepping into the room, noting she didn't try to stop him. "doesn't matter. i'm here, and you are not fine, so tell me what's up."

y/n wanted to tell him, she really did, but none of this was his problem, y/n knew jj already had enough on his plate and didn't need to be plagued with her difficulties- none of them did. she needed to figure this out on her own, the pogues wouldn't help her get out of this one. the smoke from jj's hit drew y/n out of her thoughts, she hadn't even noticed he had made himself right at home on her bed.

"okay, hit me." he leaned towards the girl, handing her the lit blunt. she declined, turning away and dragged her fingers through the mess on her head. "something's definitely wrong, you don't want to smoke. what's going on, you opened the door for my lighter but not to light the blunt? that doesn't make a lick of sense, not one bit. you know you have to light it to smoke it, right?"

his rambling was overwhelming the girl, she couldn't even begin to think when jj wouldn't shut up. of course, she knew she had to light the blunt, she wasn't an idiot, but the consequences that came with the blunt weren't worth it. before jj could send her into another spiraling break down y/n rushed to the bathroom, unintentionally slamming the door. little did she knew it allowed jj the perfect opportunity to get some answers, which he indeed found.

"y/n, i'm not playing this game again, open the door." he hissed while tugging on the doorknob. "the rest aren't here to stop me, i will kick this down." silence. "i know, y/n, i know you're pregnant, just come out."

"i'm scared," she confessed, a sob raking through her body.

"i know, sweetheart, but if you open the door i can help you, we'll figure this out, okay?" jj smiled triumphantly when y/n slowly appeared, but it instantly faded when he regarded her broken stance. quickly he swept her into his arms, holding her in a tight embrace as she cried.

y/n momentarily pulled away. "i fucked up bad, i fucked up so bad. what am i supposed to do?" jj didn't want to engage in such a touchy conversation until she had calmed down and was in the right headspace, so he held onto her tighter, rocking back and forth.

when y/n finally regained herself and dried all her tears, the two were able to sit face to face, one pogue to another, and have the awaited conversation. although y/n would admit it, she was relieved to have the weight lifted off her chest.

"it's not mine, though, right? i don't remember anything, but i've been pretty drunk in the past." the boy teased, earning a small smile from his best friend, a smile he has been waiting to see for ages. y/n threw a pillow at his face claiming this wasn't a joking matter, but jj didn't miss the giggle passing her lips. "seriously, do you know who the father is?"

"i don't ever want you to ask me that question again ." y/n was slightly offended he would even fix his mouth to mutter such a question, but she pushed her offensive away to reply. "just respect that one thing,  i don't want him in my baby's life, ever. that's the end of it, don't ever ask me that again."

jj apologized; those were not at all his intentions, but he was curious about who had landed the girl, not many others. he had a few ideas of his own; however, he chose to not further push the subject. he adverted his attention and proposed more simplistic questions, the basics; when did you find out? how did you find out? how are you feeling? do your parents know?

most we easy, straight-forward questions, yet one specifically caught notice. "yes, they know, i needed to ask my mom for guidance, they just want to know who the father is and i can't tell them, i won't tell them, but i fear what will happen if i don't."

"this guy, you really don't want him anywhere near you or your baby?" jj entreated, y/n replied with a nod. she could see the wheels turning in his head, which never resulted in a good idea. "then i'll be the father, i'm the father, simple."

y/n eyes grew the size of saucers, she had no words, no thoughts, all she could do was stare closely at her friend who wore a look of eagerness upon his features. y/n wasn't sure she heard him right. "no, you don't have to do that?"

"why not? jj counted.

she scoffed, rolling her eyes at his attempt. "this isn't like taking the blame for me when i almost blew up the chemistry lab-."

"-god, you owe me so much."

"i'm serious, this isn't a joke, jj." she tucked a few fly-aways behind her air. "it's big, and it's forever. you don't get to say that if you don't mean it." a mix of emotions were coursing through her veins; sadness, confusion, anger, gratitude, hatred. y/n couldn't pinpoint exactly which one, but they all were making her dizzy.

"you're my best friend, and i love you. of course, i mean it." jj placed a light kiss on the top of her head, he often made impulsive decisions especially when they involved the people he loved, but this one felt right. y/n felt right, she had done so much for him, and he was ready to do this for her and the baby. his baby. "i'd do anything for you y/n, and that'll never change, i will do everything to protect the two of you."

she watched with admiration in her eyes as jj explained all the details, she has a new level of respect and love for him, one that can never be replaced. y/n was content; finally, an emotion she never thought would plague her being after she found out the news, she was awaiting the future, but the future didn't have as glorious as plans as the pair hoped for.

jj had convinced y/n it was best if they told her parents as soon as they got home, he didn't want her to face y/f/n and y/m/n's wrath any longer. they were typical, uptight, materialistic kooks, and he had soon how disapproving they could be up close and personal. once they were informed, y/n and jj could better plan for the future, like a doctor's appointment as soon as possible. maybe it didn't go as smoothly as they planned, but at least it was over with.

"a pogue?" y/n's mother gasped, earning a stone-cold glare from her daughter. her father's reaction was much less surprising as if he expected the news. "as if you hanging around them wasn't enough."

"y/m/n, calm down." mr. l/n spoke in a somber tone, sure maybe he wanted to throw around some unkind words of his own, he was keeping his composure together for his daughter's sake. "that's not what we need to focus on." he began, scratching at his chin. "i'll make an appointment with dr. chen on the mainland, we will help you financially, but we expect you two to show some initiative as well."

y/m/n scoffed, her eyes zeroed in of jj, disgust was written on her face. she hated pogues because she used to be one and since she married y/n's father. y/m/n had wholly forgotten where she came from. "we'd be better off sending y/n to live with your aunt, you think he will be able to support y/n and her baby."

"-our baby." jj intervened. "you're not sending her or my baby away. i may be a pogue, but i know better than anyone how important family is, and i will assure i will do everything for these two." y/n's heart clenched as he spoke, she couldn't help but feel guilty for the way her parents were treating him when the baby wasn't even his. he shouldn't have to worry about providing for the baby, none of this was fair, and y/n felt ashamed for allowing jj to do this.

shortly after jj's rant, the two were able to get out of there and away from her mother. now it all came down to somehow explaining this the pogues. the entire drive to the cut y/n kept asking the boy if he was absolutely certain he wanted to go through with this, that there was still time to back out and live his life, but jj continuously assured her this is what he wanted to do, and he wasn't changing his mind.

the group had mixed reactions, which jj and y/n had expected. john b was mainly confused as to how this happened, the pair had never shown a romantic interest in each other, or a sexual one either. many questions plagued through his head, but john b decided to wait because he understood how overwhelming this is for his friends. pope was freaking out, going on about how a baby is a lot of work and it's presence throwing off the dynamic of the group. he shared his troubles with y/n's schooling as well as other minor concerns, pope sounded more like their parents than a friend. and lastly kiara, she was a bit leerier about the subject, she was a hard believer of the no pogue on pogue macking rule and with good reason to. what's done is done, and she made it clear she was the baby's godmother, this caused john b and pope to start bickering about how got to be the godfather.

y/n was happy with her friend's reaction, sure they may not know the entire truth, but the pogues treat her or act any different. it was merely another hardship they'd have to face together because it takes a whole village to raise a child, right? but no all good things last and y/n's pregnancy announcement spread very fast through the outer banks, and it may have caught a certain kook by a bit of a surprise.

[ashthewaterghoul]

The Ball - A Wolfstar One Shot

Tonight was the night. The night that the class of 1978 had been anxiously awaiting. The seventh year leavers’ ball. Every girl had meticulously perfected each element of their outfit and the lads had some help from their dates in finding the right dress robes, corsages and other accessories. Each couple was perfectly matching one another, and the Great Hall was decorated with magic aplenty. Confetti sprinkling down from the ceiling, banners that flashed different messages of good-luck and goodbyes, self-refilling plates and bowls of food and drinks and tables that grew depending on how many people were around it.

The couplings were just as anyone expected, Peter and Mary going as friends, James and Lily, Marlene and Dorcas, and who could forget, Sirius and Remus. Sirius had been fussing over each detail of their ensembles since Remus asked him out in a much less extravagant way then James did for Lily. Sirius was wondering how he could tie a tie and fold a pocket square without magic and trying to find spells so that his robes’ shade of black was exactly the same as Remus’.

The night was finally here, and Remus was on what he calls “the perfect day” of the lunar cycle, it’s the day when the moon has very little effect on him, his strength, his senses, anything. He could enjoy the time with his date like any regular lad going. Even though Sirius had started getting ready at 1 o’clock that afternoon, he still wasn’t done, and it was nearly 7 o’clock, the start of the ball. Remus was the only one left in the common room, he was nervously fidgeting with the positioning of his corsage, which Sirius has picked out to match the dress robes. He was about to go see if Sirius was okay, even though he was given strict orders to not see him until he was done.

Just as Remus started towards the stairs to the dorm, his date walked down. Remus’ breath escaped him completely. The wait was definitely worth it. Sirius’ long, silky curtain of hair was pulled into the signature bun with his wand going through it, small pieces of hair purposefully pulled out, perfectly framing his already perfect face. His makeup could be described as nothing less than gorgeous, blue shimmering eyeshadow accompanied by a large wing of eyeliner, the dash of blush brought even more warmth to his face and the bright red lipgloss was the cherry on top of the cake. The robes that Sirius was panicking so much about were just as perfect as the boy wearing them, the midnight blue tie and pocket square folded and tied perfectly, adorned with a dog paw print tie pin.

“You going to stand there gawking or are you going to take me to the ball?” Sirius said jokingly, a wide smile on his face. Remus found the ability to speak.

“Sirius, you look beautiful.” He said adoringly.

“You look very handsome.” Sirius replied.

“Thanks. Well, shall we?” He held an arm out.

“Yes, we shall.” Sirius replied, linking arms with his date.

They walked down to the hall, smiles gleaming and unchanging.

When they got down to the area before the hall, they instantly spotted their friends and walked over.

“Finally!” James said, spotting the two.

“We almost thought you weren’t coming.” Lily said.

“After all the effort that went into this?”he gestured to his entire body, “You’d have to be barking.”

“I reckon I look better though.” Marlene butted in, dramatically adjusting her robes and orange tie, which she favoured over a dress.

“Attention students!” McGonagall announced by the entrance to the hall, “If you get into your pairs, you may enter in a moment.”

Everyone instantly jumped into a line, joined tightly to their partners. The doors swung open, revealing the decorations that Lily and Dorcas were in charge of, every one walked in and sat at their allocated seats, ready for their meal which promptly arrived, well, appeared. Soon after, everyone was done eating and ready to dance.

The first dance was to a traditional wizard’s ball song, with a specific dance to accompany it, Sirius assumed what was usually the female’s part. The music started and everyone started dancing in synchronisation. As Remus and Sirius danced together, they felt strangely connected in a a strange way, each move, each lift, each second caused the connection to grow. The last lift at the very end of the song went well, but Remus lowered Sirius slowly and gently, not wanting the moment to end. Sirius looked deeply at Remus as he slowly descended. After a few moments of silence before the next song a million emotions flowed through each lad, and an equal amount of words were silently exchanged. The next song started playing, this one very slow and no specific dance, the two just held each other. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus’ shoulders, and Remus held onto Sirius’ waist, their foreheads were pressed against each other’s, eyes shut as they gently swayed to the music.

Lily and James were holding each other in a similar fashion, her red hair in bouncy curls over one shoulder, James didn’t want to wear green, but after seeing Lily in her dress for the first time he could not resist. Dorcas and Marlene chose to wear orange, Dorcas in a light, flowing dress that actually managed to get Marlene at a loss for words and Peter and Mary in yellow to “symbolise the happiness of friendship” as they put it, Mary had a rather simple dress on, that worked surprisingly well with the dresses of her friends. The three couples all kept staring at Sirius and Remus, happy that they had finally found that bond that had always been lurking within since they met.

The volume of the song started to increase, Remus and Sirius separated their foreheads and nodded in unspoken understanding. As the music suddenly swelled, the two boys pulled each other into a kiss, a passionate kiss that cemented their bond with each other, forever, no matter what.

A few songs and a lot of dancing later, the two lads had snuck off outside to their little spot on the grounds that no one else knew about. Sat with not even a centimetre between them, silently smoking while enjoying the company of each other. Remus finished his cigarette and threw it to the ground, and turned to face his boyfriend. He just stared at how perfect he looked.

“You’re gawking again.” He said while casually taking another puff.

“I know.”

“Okay, then.” He said, shaking his head with a smirk.

“Merlin, you’re gorgeous.” Remus let out and caused a massive smile to grow on Sirius’ face.

“You are just,” Sirius said chuckling, not quite being able to find the right word.

“I’m just what?”

He placed a small kiss on Remus’ lips.

“That, you’re just that.”

Remus chuckled, but a thought crossed his mind and caused his face to drop.

“Are you sure you want us?” He asked, motioning between the two.

“What do you mean?” Sirius’ expression unchanged.

“I’m a werewolf and you’re a Black.”

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock.”

“We aren’t exactly going to have it easy.”

“Remus,” he said softly, throwing his cigarette away and moving to sit on his boyfriend’s lap, “I don’t care. I just want you, and you are a werewolf, and that’s amazing, and you are amazing.”

Remus started to tear up at those words.

“Padfoot, that was beautiful.” He said gently tucking one of the stray bits of Sirius’ hair behind his ear.

“No, Moony, you are beautiful, in whatever form.” His silver eyes twinkling in the starlight.

Remus gently pulled Sirius into another small kiss. Remus was staring at Sirius, something was clearly dancing around his mind.

“What is it, Rem?”

He took a deep breath before saying: “I love you. I always have, and I always will.”

It was Sirius’ turn to tear up now. He let of a happy sob and flung his arms around Remus, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. After a few moments of a bone crushing hug, Sirius looked at Remus fully.

“I love you, and I will never stop.”

Remus took another deep breath and said: “Pads, I never want to spend a day without you, never again, so would you consider spending this night with me? And tomorrow, and every day after that?”

Sirius was speechless. His happy crying replaced with a shocked expression that was fixed and impossible for Remus to read.

“I’m sorry, that was too much to quick wasn’t it? You can forget I said that, if you want. I-”

Remus was cut off by deep kiss.

“Of course I will.” Sirius said in a soft whisper.

The two went back into another tearful, bone crushing hug.

“We should tattoos as well.” Sirius said, finally looking at his boyfriend again.

“What of?”

Sirius looked around for ideas until his eyes landed on his tie pin.

“What about we get each other’s paw prints?”

“That sounds great, Pads.”

The two pressed their foreheads together again, just next with each other. They enjoyed a long few moments, until they were abruptly bombarding with their friends dog piling on top of them. All of them rolling on top of one another in an entanglement of limbs, laughing so much that most of them were losing their breath completely. When they were finally all free of each other, Dorcas piped up: “We were wondering where you got to!”

“Yeah, we thought you’d gone back to the dorm to-“

“NO, that was just you Mary!” Lily cut her off.

“How did you find us?” Remus asked.

“You forget that one of us can turn into a very small, somewhat undetectable animal.” Peter answered.

“Oh yeah, forgot about that.”

“Why’d you guys sneak out here anyways?” Marlene asked.

“We were trying to get some peace and quiet.” Sirius said.

“Yeah, probably so you could-“

“Mary MacDonald, I swear to God!” Lily shouted.

“Shall we go back in? It’s freezing out here.” Dorcas said, brushing the grass from her dress. All the girls made their way in as the boys stayed behind staring after some of their closest friends, Sirius and Remus clinging to each other’s side like there’s no tomorrow.

“They all look great tonight don’t they?” Remus said aloud.

“They always do, mate.” James said, clapping an arm around Remus’ back.

“You know what I mean, you were absolutely gawping at Lily, more than usual that is.” Remus joked.

“I could say the same about you with that one.” He gestured towards Sirius.

Remus let out a light chuckle.

“Can you blame me? He looks gorgeous.” He turned his head to look at Sirius, who was giggling and blushing.

James walked around to Sirius’ free side and put an arm around his back which was promptly returned, and Remus waved to Peter to join him. The four boys walked back to the castle, linked together like brothers, well two were closer than brothers. The special, unique bonds that each shared were ones that would last a lifetime. And Remus and Sirius? That bond would surpass a lifetime.

Hello there, sorry this one was so long, it’s ~1880 words so if you made it to the end then have a cookie 🍪. This was inspired by a part I put in ‘Take Me Back - A Wolfstar One Shot’. Thank you for reading! Any feedback would be greatly appreciated as well as other ideas for future fics!🥰

You can view my other one shots here

[masquerade-story]

Chapter 4 - Memories

Lillian awoke late into the evening, after everyone collectively agreed to take a nap and process everything Crystal told them. Her throat was dry and scratchy, so she carefully rolled out of bed to avoid disturbing Grey, who'd crawled into her bed for comfort like he always did when he was upset, and padded quietly out of the bedroom.

Since there wasn't going to be any sort of heating bill, they'd left the mysteriously working heater on to combat the unexpectedly cold weather. Lillian stopped by a window to peek outside, and was momentarily startled when she could pick out individual leaves on distant trees.

"Right, our vision got all fancy." Lillian laughed softly at herself, turning her gaze from the trees to the starry sky.

An unfamiliar sky.

Three moons scattered across the horizon, a couple of planets close enough for their rings to be distinct to the naked eye, and a brilliant aurora ribbon streaming across more stars than Lillian ever remembered seeing when she looked up back on Earth.

"There's no North Star," she whispered to herself, her warm breath briefly melting some frost on the window glass. "Different constellations, different horoscopes... I wonder how long a year is here? Or a season? Can we... Even communicate with people to find out?"

An oppressive sense of loneliness settled in her chest. Lillian blinked back a few tears and turned away from the window, resuming her earlier mission of a glass of juice. She slipped downstairs into the kitchen, drank an entire glass, and went to bring her second cup upstairs in case she woke up again, when a soft sound caused her to pause mid-step toward the stairs.

Sobbing. Wretched, mournful sobbing, from the living room which currently had no light on.

Lillian felt her heart clench in sympathy, and changed route.

Rayne sat on the couch, curled into the corner with a blanket around her shoulders and a phone in her hands. She glanced up when Lillian approached, hurriedly dashing her tears with the corner of the blanket. "H-hey, what's up?"

Lillian had the sense to put her juice cup down on an end table before sitting heavily on the couch, encroaching on Rayne's personal space with reckless abandon. "I was gonna ask you the same thing. Why are you down here alone in the dark?"

"Oh, I..." Rayne muttered, her gaze flicking back to the phone. Lillian glanced down, and saw a photo of Rayne and her boyfriend trying on mouse hats during their trip to Disneyworld. His expression was exasperated, but his affectionate gaze was fixed on Rayne's laughing face.

Rayne locked her screen and set the phone down, but it was too late and she knew it. She retreated further into the warmth of her blanket, faking a shiver to cover the fact she was trying to hide her face.

Neither Rayne nor Crystal appreciated it when other people saw them cry, but Lillian knew that it was sometimes exactly what someone needed, whether they wanted it or not. So she leaned on Rayne's shoulder, resting a gentle hand on the other woman's knee.

"You know," Lillian said softly, closing her eyes. "There's three moons."

Rayne was quiet for a moment. Then she sniffled, before whispering: "Really?"

"Yeah. And some ringed planets, and an aurora. Wanna see?"

The bundle of blanket shook in a hesitant nod, and both Lillian and Rayne moved to sit on the window seat overlooking the front yard, keeping throw pillows between them and the frozen glass to seal in their bodily warmth.

Silence stretched on between them as they stared together at the foreign night sky. Whenever Rayne gave a soft cry or pained whimper, Lillian reached over to squeeze her hand without turning to look at her, giving the other woman a measure of privacy while still providing comfort until she was ready to talk.

"It's unfair," Rayne whispered finally, reaching out of the blanket to draw a frowning face on the frosty glass.

Lillian nodded. "It ate our bonds so they all forgot us, but we still have to remember them? It's totally unfair."

"Actually..." Rayne looked over, locking gazes with Lillian, her dark brow furrowed. "That's the thing. Lils, do you remember your parents?"

"Of course. Robin and Larry-"

"Their faces, Lils."

Lillian opened her mouth, then immediately shut it. Her curious expression turned to one of realization, then panic suffused with horror. "No, I... What...?"

"I don't remember his face if I'm not looking at the photo," Rayne said, crossing her arms tightly under the blanket. "I don't remember his voice anymore. I did at first, but... Every passing moment, it's harder to remember the times we shared. The bad, the good. Even while looking at the photos! And I just... I felt like I should have a good cry, while I still felt enough lingering emotion for him to do it."

Lillian felt as though her heart was caught in her throat. She swallowed, swallowed again, then wheezed as she tried to remember how to breathe. Rayne hurriedly wrapped her arms around Lillian's shoulder, squeezing tight in a hug that contained all her comfort and sympathy.

"We'll do everything we can to remember, them, okay?" Rayne whispered, her voice shaking with emotion. "Let's go wake Grey and Crystal, then we can all start writing stuff down. Alright?"

Nodding, Lillian clung desperately to Rayne's hand as they both hurried upstairs, rolling their respective siblings out of bed for an emergency meeting. Grey's horror was contrasted starkly by Crystal's numb nodding, as she apologized for not realizing it would happen. They dug into the boxes of personal belongings, finding some notebooks and pens, and sat together in the master bedrooms writing down everything they remembered about Earth and their loved ones until well into the next morning.

"On the one hand it's a mercy," Grey said sleepily, as he doodled another picture of his parents in the margins of his notebook. "So we won't be grieving our loss very long, I guess? But it still feels..."

"Wrong," Lillian mumbled, looking through her phone for a picture of her cat to use as a reference.

"It's not like the time was wasted," Rayne said, adding another bullet point to the list she was writing. "Our experiences shaped who we are whether we remember them or not. It does feel pretty crappy, though..."

"I wonder, will they forget us like this?" Lillian asked, unable to stop the words in her heart from escaping. Her hand paused above the page, the pen in her hand shaking violently. "Will they just... Slowly forget us? Or was it sudden and merciful? Because this... This is cruel."

"Cruelty implies intention," Crystal said softly, her voice shaking almost as much as Lillian's pen. "That... Thing. The Eater. It didn't have any malice, it was just hungry. But I dunno if that makes things better or worse..."

"I dunno man, you ever seen a cat catching prey? Pretty sure eating something alive has some inherent malice in it." Grey grumbled, trying to force his chicken scratch handwriting into something legible.

Crystal, who'd already given up on her own handwriting and embraced the chaotic glyphic nature of her lettering, nodded sagely in agreement. "That's true. I got the impression the Eater wasn't exactly sentient or sapient though. More like a force than a being, if that makes sense? Or maybe I just can't conceive of it, since that thing exists outside our dimensions of understanding."

"You say that so easily, do you even know how wild that whole statement was?"

"Do you even know how wild this whole situation is?"

"Look, we've passed absurdity at this point. Now I'm just down with whatever weirdness comes our way."

"We don't have to pay bills anymore," Rayne said slowly, staring at her paper. Her handwriting was the neatest by far, and she'd finished writing down most important events she could think of, but she kept having a nagging feeling she'd left something out so she kept reading the pages over and over hoping to trigger another memory. "We won't have to buy groceries unless there's things we want specifically that wasn't in our house to begin with. The electricity will never go out, damage to the property will be repaired, and even though we're in a new world with unknown levels of development and technology, we will never have to worry about toilet paper. In exchange for a very comfortable standard of living, we lost our connection to our home and families."

"Personally speaking I think it's fair," Crystal said with a scoff. "But that's because our family sucks so I'll be glad to forget them. All my most important people are here with me! I know Robin and Larry will take good care of all our cats, my exes all sucked, and my other friends will get along just fine without me. I don't have anyone to worry about, just regrets for stuff I never got to do. Like visiting the Grand Canyon, or going on a long cruise."

"I wanted to hike around Europe someday..." Rayne said wistfully.

"I wanted to vacation in the tropics. Or maybe Spain? For like, two years. With some hot guys and infinite fruity alcohols." Grey said, staring off into space with a dreamy look in his eyes.

"I wanted to be famous enough for us to visit the space station," Lillian sighed. Grey snorted, and everyone started laughing in a combination of absurdity and delirium from lack of sleep. They started listing everything they could think of, starting with shopping sprees and game show appearances, and ending with complex bank and casino heists to dismantle capitalism.

When Crystal started dozing off while sitting up, they all agreed to get some sleep for real. The notebooks were stacked lovingly on one of the end tables, which reminded Lillian to run downstairs and chug her long-forgotten cup of juice in the living room before trudging back upstairs into bed.

------

"We can't just stay in the house forever, right?" Grey muttered as he stared out the living room window later that night, curled up on the window seat with his knees hugged to his chest.

"Technically we could," Rayne said, drumming her fingers against the recliner arm as she waited for her laptop to boot. "Infinite food and basic supplies, stuff for our hobbies... We have our instruments, we have our computers and game consoles and several external drives worth of movies and books and music since you and Crystal obsessively insist on collecting or hoarding anything of interest for later use."

"Hey, hey." Grey wagged a finger and feigned an offended scowl. "Look at our situation. How bored would we be if the two of us didn't hoard everything? In fact, maybe our desire to hoard entertainment was preparing for this day!"

"Damn psychics always preparing for everything they couldn't possibly know about," Rayne muttered rebelliously, and Crystal laughed. She'd stretched out on half of the corner couch taking up an entire section of the living room by itself, looking cozy with a pile of blankets and her special edition Switch.

"It's only gonna get worse from here, Ray."

"Open your town, I need to sell my oranges," Lillian interrupted, nudging Crystal's feet from her spot on the other side of the corner couch.

"Alright, lemme finish making this waterfall first."

"Your villagers are never gonna have scurvy again for like, three generations."

"That many oranges? Isn't that a bit overkill?"

"If they don't want an entire island nation's agricultural sector's worth of citrus they should learn to adjust their economy for inflation."

"You know the shop is run by literal children, right?"

"It's good to learn early that nepotism leads to ruin. The business world is harsh and so am I."

Rayne chuckled at the sound of Lillian's low, malicious cackling, but her expression swiftly turned serious. "What do you mean it's gonna get worse, Coco?"

"All four of us have abilities for real, right? Being in this world is gonna make them grow exponentially, whether we try to train them or not. New ones will pop up too, or existing ones will change a little as they grow. Okay Lils, gate's open." Crystal spoke nonchalantly, but every word drained a bit more color from Rayne's face. Meanwhile, Grey turned away from the window with an excited glint in his eyes.

"So psychic powers can get real strong in this world?"

"Yeah. The impression I got when we were coming over was... Magic exists here, and it's something anyone can learn to use with practice. But abilities like ours, psychic powers? Those you have to be born with, and it's rare. That's about as much as I know about it though," Crystal sighed and shrugged.

"Can you list everything you know about our situation?" Rayne said, opening a new document on her computer and typing away with her nose inches from the laptop screen. "I wanna write it all down. I got the thing about our bonds and memories, and the house being indestructible-"

"It's not indestructible, just protected." Crystal seemed startled as soon as the words left her mouth, as though the information was somehow new. She furrowed her brow, nose wrinkling as she carefully examined her thought process. "I see, protected... Like a barrier, almost? It'll always rebuild itself and restock supplies overnight no matter what happens, even if it's all burnt to ash, but the property itself is also shielded unless we draw attention from a big threat."

"A big threat? Like what?"

"I don't know. Big animals like those Nessies on the beach yesterday. Or monsters like the Eater, maybe?"

"Monsters?!" Lillian sat up straight, pulling her feet under her body. "There's monsters!?"

"There's magic, why wouldn't there be monsters too?" Grey pointed out, but his twin just stuck her tongue out at him.

"It's just an assumption," Crystal hurriedly explained. "For my power to work, I'd have to come into contact with stuff related to what I want to know about in order to get more information, I can't just pull stuff out of the ether whenever I have questions!"

"Then how do you know what you know already?"

"Well, we were in contact with the house. The house is made with really powerful magic, so I learned magic exists, and that it was used to make the house echo and ensure our supplies remain the same. I think I also learned about the barrier then, but didn't think about it or really absorb the info cuz I was thinking about other things, so it only just popped up." Crystal shrugged and let out a half-hearted laugh.

"What about the Eater?"

"The Eater was menacing us directly and I looked at it so I was able to get some info on it and the bond-eating shenanigan, but not much else because it's way stronger than me, I think? And my power activated as soon as we started our... Transfer, I guess? Away from Earth. And you all were in the room with me, so I knew you all had powers as well as myself, got the basic gist of how mine work, and that we'd all get much stronger whether we wanted to or not. That's really about it for what I know. I told you it wasn't much."

"Why the house though?" Rayne muttered. "It just wanted to eat our bonds and it did that. So why did it drop us on another planet, and why give us this cushy house echo thing?"

Crystal shrugged again. "I honestly have no idea. I think I could know if I got a lot stronger, but... That won't be any time soon. I can tell there's a reason, though. I just dunno what."

"Maybe it's compensation?" Grey said, his expression hopeful.

"Or bait, like a beacon, so it can find us again..." Lillian whispered with a shiver, and everyone's faces fell. Seeing their reactions, she hurriedly straightened her spine and forced a smile to her face. "But it didn't hurt us, and we're all still together. Imagine if we'd been flung to different planets instead of staying together!"

"That'd really suck," Grey agreed. "So like, Crystal, your power activates if you come into contact with stuff?"

"I think so. I'd have to test it to get the hang of how things work, precisely."

Grey chuckled, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. His expression made the three women exchange worried glances, especially once he started rubbing his hands together like a two-bit cartoon villain. "Looks like we got ourselves an excuse to head to that town for some reconnaissance!"

"In the snow?" Rayne asked, raising her eyebrows.

"With only summer clothes in our wardrobes," Crystal pointed out.

"We wore hiking boots for the walk up here so that'd be fine, but the warmest clothes we have right now are..." Lillian trailed off, then suddenly doubled over and started giggling.

Realization dawned on the others soon after, and Rayne covered her face with her hands. "Oh no."

"Oh yes!" Grey hissed, pumping his fist into the air. "That'll make one heck of an entrance, wouldn't it?"

"Our music video costumes? In PUBLIC!?" Rayne wailed while the others laughed.

"That might not be what we want to do though," Crystal said after her moment of laughter had subsided. "We don't know what kind of world this is. If they'll be friendly to strangers, especially ones who can't speak their language - or any language on this world. They won't know English, you know."

"But do we really have a choice?" Lillian asked, putting down her console and staring up at the ceiling. "We don't know anything about this world. About magic, except that it exists. About the people. And hiding here in our safe cozy house will be fine short term, but what about long term? Are we gonna spend our whole lives holed up in here?"

"I, for one, embrace the forest witch hermit lifestyle," Grey said. "And I know Crystal does too."

"Sure do. Cottage life."

Rayne sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I don't wanna be caught completely off guard by whatever nonsense comes our way. We know it's winter, but we don't know what the other seasons are like yet. What if they have a raining magma and diamonds from the sky season? We can't apply Earth logic here! Or if we can, we don't know to what extent! There were dinosaurs on the beach!"

"That's a fair point. There were indeed dinosaurs on the beach. Counter points?"

"There were dinosaurs on the beach."

"A fair counter point as well. I do want to see the dinosaurs up close."

"From a safe distance."

"Up close from a safe distance, of course."

"Plus, we don't know what's gonna happen with our powers. You said they'll get stronger, what does that mean?"

"I don't know. More powers will manifest, I think? And the ones we have already will be more potent. But I don't know how potent, or what exactly will happen."

"Exactly! You psychically downloaded only a little info about our situation and it gave you a nasty seizure! Right?"

"Pretty much."

"So what if something worse happens? A big huge infodump? If you can't control your powers, or shut it off when needed or whatever, what if..." Rayne's shoulders sagged.

"What if I have a big seizure every time I use my powers now?" Crystal finished, a wry smile on her face. "Yeah, I was wondering about that too. Honestly, everything about our situation has me so terrified I've circled back around to just feeling numb about it all."

"That's a hell of a mood," Grey sighed, stretching out on the window seat and propping his feet up against the wall. "Everything's happening so much, am I right? It's hard to be freaked out about everything simultaneously. It's easier to just phase out of existence, mentally speaking."

"I... Have an idea."

Everyone turned to look at Lillian, who sat perched on the edge of the couch. She glanced at all their faces, then offered a shy smile.

"Well? What's your idea, sis?" Grey encouraged, when his sister kept fidgeting in place instead of finishing her thought.

"Well, those warmer clothes we have... They're our costumes, right? And Crystal said we dunno how people would react to that sort of outfit, or to strangers in general, but what if... I mean... We have our instruments? What if... We pretended to be minstrels?"

[benson-custardcrotch]

Deep Talks and Catches - Scott Reed

((GIF does not belong to me))

Pairing: Scott Reed x Reader

Words: 1775

Warnings: swearing, mentions of rape (more like major talk of rape)

A/N: This is my first non-hockey imagine... I hope it meets the standard of imagines?? Also, feedback is always welcome and much appreciated!

Baseball. It had been a common ground between your and your boyfriend, Scott Reed. The tow of you had bonded over many things and even introduced each other to new things, but baseball was the on thing that kept the two of you grounded. The fields were where you two went to settle your issues, get things off your chest, or clear your minds. Having played softball for 9 years, you were no stranger to the diamond, it was like a second home to you... a second home that you shared with Scott.

After the release of Hannah’s tapes, rumors about Bryce began to circulate. And as expected, the rumors were denied and quickly shut down. But even before the releasing of the tapes and the rumors, you had always had a bad feeling about Bryce. The tapes just helped you piece everything together, confirm all your suspicions.

You had always thought it was weird how protective Scott was of you. The way he’d always have an arm around you, holding you close at all times; the way he’d always go out of his way to drive you home and walk you to the front door after school or the baseball games you stayed to watch; the way he’d always arrange study dates the night Bryce was throwing parties; the strangest thing was when he’d always put himself between you and other members of the baseball team, specifically Bryce... it was almost as if he was shielding you.

But now it all made sense to you, he was protecting you! He drove you home so no one else would and made study dates so you couldn’t go to Bryce’s parties where one of Bryce’s dumb goons could possibly hurt you. And he always put you on the other side him so the guys hat to literally go through him first if they wanted to get to you. But that also made you wonder...

Scott had always been protective, way before the tapes were released. He had to know something you didn’t.... Scott knew the truth!

The two of you stood about 10 feet apart from each other out in the empty outfield of the new Walker field, lazily throwing a baseball back and forth. The two of you remained silent, avoiding the obvious elephant in the stadium.

“Did you hear the tapes?” you asked, finally breaking the silence.

“I don’t really wanna talk about them right now,” Scott said. You audibly sighed as you caught the ball, holding it in your hand for a moment before throwing it back.

“Come on, Scott. You’ve been avoiding talking about the tapes since they came out,” you said.

“Yeah, because I don’t wanna talk about them!” Scott said. He threw the ball to you a bit harder than usual, a satisfying snap! accompanying the ball as you caught it in your glove.

“Why? You didn’t do anything wrong, you weren’t even mentioned in the tapes! Is there something you’re not telling me, Scott?” you asked. When Scott remained silent, you decided to push further. “What are you hiding, Scott? What aren’t you telling me?”

“Would you just throw the ball,” Scott mumbled. Throwing the ball back, you continued pushing further to get the answers you were looking for.

“Why won’t you talk about the tapes?” you asked, frustration evident in your voice.

“Because it’s none of our business!” Scott snapped. All the color from your face drained upon hearing those words fall out of your boyfriends mouth, your jaw fell open.

“Like hell it is! You know something and by keeping it to yourself, you are no better than the bad guys here!” you said.

“I can’t turn on my brothers like that!” Scott said.

“Then tell me, and I will! No one will know it was you that said anything, I’m nosy, they’ll believe me if I tell them I broke into the clubhouse and dug around until I found shit!” you suggested. At this point, you were willing to do anything to get the information out of Scott just so you could drag Bryce’s ass down to the pits of hell where he belonged.

“It’s not that simple, (Y/N)! If any of them find out that I told you anything, they’d come after you to make sure you stay quiet too, just like they’re doing to anyone who’s testifying against Bryce. And I can’t have that happen, (Y/N), my only concern is you; keeping you safe and away from those assholes is my biggest priority! And I can’t keep them away from you if they put me in the hospital,” Scott explained. Tears began to pool up in your eyes but you fought to hold them in for now was no time to break down.

“Scott, please... I’m begging you right now to tell me the truth. I wanna do right by the girls Bryce has hurt, they deserve justice, and Bryce deserves to be brought down so he can’t hurt anyone else!” you said.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N), I can’t,” Scott said shaking his head.

“Girls are getting hurt by Bryce, and because you refuse to tell anyone it will continue on forever, far after another girl takes her life. Scott, this has nothing to do with brotherhood, this is far beyond the bond inside the dugout, this is the life of another teenage girl who is already being judged by the way she looks and being labeled for life,” you explained, a single tear rolling down your cheek and dripping off your chin.

“(Y/N)-”

“Do you know what happens to a girl after a shit experience like rape happens to her? She is left broke, and scarred; she can’t help but feel a sense of stress and anxiety around guys; she’s forced to see nothing but the worst in guys that have nothing but the best intentions; and she is robbed of her sense of personal power... Nothing is more terrifying than the feeling of being trapped, and being forced to just stand witness to your own crime, not able to say a word or do anything because you’re over powered in all aspects. And after that you can’t help but feel ashamed and guilty, like you did something to provoke this or bring it upon yourself but really it wasn’t you who did anything wrong! It was the man who decided that the chance of rejection was too high to ask for consent and figured it would be easier to just force themselves upon you because they’re strong than you, because they can!” you said. By now tears began streaming down your cheeks like the dam holding them back had cracked and there was no way to fix it.

Scott dropped his glove on the ground and in a matter of seconds, his arms were wrapped around you, holding you tightly to his chest. He carefully ran his hand through your hair in an attempt to calm you down but for the first time it wasn’t working. Your body shook within his arms as you sobbed into his chest, unable to stop.

“I-I can’t let Bryce get away with this,” you stuttered, taking in a sharp, shaky breath. Scott slowly began to rock from side to side, still trying to get you to calm down enough so you two could talk about everything.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey... You’re alright, (Y/N). I’ve got you, and I won’t let anything happen to you. I won’t let anyone hurt you,” Scott said. He slowly lowered his body down to the ground, carefully taking you with him.

Together, the two of you laid in the grass for almost an hour. The entire time, Scott kept his arms wrapped tightly around you and constantly placed reassuring kisses on your forehead. And for that hour, Scott just let you cry, he let you get it all out and didn’t bother trying to rationalize or defend Bryce in anyway.

“Scott?” you tried to speak but your voice came out as a broken whisper.

“Yeah, baby?” Scott responded almost immediately.

“What goes on inside the clubhouse?” you asked.

Scott took a deep breath and sat up, taking you with him. He ran a quick hand through his hair before looking into your eyes, his heart breaking once he saw how broken up you were about this. He carefully reached up and cupped your cheeks in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe away any of your remaining tears. Then his hands fell to your hands, gripping them tightly.

“The clubhouse is where all of the baseball team hangs out. No one else knows about it unless they’re invited... But it’s where a lot of this shit takes place. Bryce, he invited girls and h-he rapes them,” Scott confessed. “He gets them to smoke themselves out of their mind or drink until they’re blackout drunk before he makes his move. There’s a box of polaroid photos inside the clubhouse to prove all of it.”

It took a moment for you to comprehend Scott’s words before you looked up at him, meeting his eyes. You didn’t wanna ask the question that was eat away at you, but you had to make sure.

“Ha-have you-”

“Absolutely not. I try to avoid the clubhouse at all costs, why do you think I’m always at your house?” Scott asked, a small laugh escaping his lips as he tried to lighten the mood.

“Here I was thinking you just really wanted to spend time with me,” you teased back, his smile widening as he pulled you into his arms.

“I love you,” Scott said, placing a gentle kiss on top of your head.

“I love you too,” you mumbled into his chest.

“But on a serious note, (Y/N)... Um, I’ve decided that I want to testify against Bryce,” Scott said. You quickly pulled away from Scott and looked up at him, concern laced your features.

“What? No! I don’t want them coming after you! I heard what they did to the others to keep them from speaking out against Bryce, they’d certainly do much worse to you because you betrayed them personally! I’ll testify,” you said.

“No, I’ve let this go on for too long, and you’re right; by covering Bryce, I’m no better than him,” Scott said.

“I love you so much, Scott Reed. And I promise that through all of this, I will be by your side and not let a damn thing happen to you, just like you did for me,” you said, placing a small kiss to Scott’s lips.

“I love you so much, (Y/N) (Y/L/N),” Scott replied, his lips covered by a wide smile.

[wjnterstark]

Don’t Go[Bill Denbrough]

A/N: I love my small children

|Don’t go,puh-puh-please…|

Y/N had spent most of her childhood years in Derry. Despite all the murders,the bullies,the depression that always ran through her because of it,she loved her birthplace. The bond between Derry and Y/N was strong,the girl loved the small town unconditionally,almost blindly. Derry was her weakness. Her priority. Her number one.

Adoring Derry also meant loving the people living in it. Specifically, a bunch of kids,a bunch of losers who Y/N swore she would never forget;Stan,Eddie,Ben,Bev,Richie,Mike and Bill…

Bill. Bill Denbrough. Her best friend. Her crush. The love of her life,maybe. Bill was just too perfect. With his beautiful eyes,his adorable stuttering…To her,he was the perfect boy. He was always kind and sweet to her… But then she would remind herself that she was just a young girl. Having feelings towards a boy was stupid. That’s what her mother said.

Knowing that she had to leave everybody behind hurt too much. She got so attached to her friends,that when the time came and she had to announce the breaking news,she just couldn’t help but sob and cry uncontrollably. Eddie had put his aspirator in her mouth,hoping it would help her calm down,but it was no use.

“Please don’t cry…” Beverly had told her as she hugged her tightly.

“You don’t understand…” Y/N said,wiping away a few tears using the sleeves of her long jacket. “I’m gonna live with my mom’s sister. That bloody woman is gonna make my life a living hell…”

Nobody said anything except for Beverly who just whispered a weak “i know”. And it was true. Because she knew how home could easily turn into inferno. But she didn’t wanna tell.

“I’m gonna miss you guys. You have no idea how much…” She said and sniffed.

“We’re gonna muh-muh-miss you t-too Y/N. ” Said Bill and the girl felt her heart breaking into millions of pieces. The hardest part of the whole thing was leaving Bill. He was the first person she met from the losers’ club and knowing that she would probably never see him again was killing her. Knowing that she would see none of her friends again was killing her.

The honk of her mother’s car brought her back to reality. She was about to go,right. She was just saying her last goodbyes to her friends. She turned back and raised her left hand,motioning that she needed five more minutes. Her mom waved back at her and gave her a thumbs up.

“So…That’s it,i guess…” Y/N shrugged and put her hands on her hips.

Hesitantly,Stan was the first who hugged her after Bev. Y/N gave him a sad smile as she wrapped her arms around him,a few more tears escaping her eyes.

“You can be such a diva sometimes but i’m gonna miss you like hell, Stanley…”

Then it was Richie,who tried to imitate Y/N’s voice but failed,causing everyone to burst out laughing.

“Don’t miss me too much trashmouth…”

Then, she warmly embraced Ben,“you’re gonna be a freakin’ model one day.” and Mike, saying “When i come back,you better be the town’s sheriff or else i’m gonna beat you up…”

She knew it was the last time looking at their faces. Nobody told her that,of course. If anything,her mother had promised her that she would return,eventually.

“When things get safe in Derry,i’m coming to get you.”

But Y/N was a pessimist. All she could see was a life full of misery in a house without windows,accompanied by someone who wouldn’t give a damn if she died. She knew herself more than anyone. And to her,it was just a fact that her life outside Derry wouldn’t last for long. Believe it or not,she had accepted it.

She also knew she wouldn’t be there to watch her friends defeat the beast. Yes,she was sure they would win the war. IT wasn’t gonna get away with all those murders this time. And even though the losers’ club wouldn’t be the same without her,that’s what Bill said,she highly doubted that the bond between them would break.

She got so lost in her thoughts,that she didn’t feel two arms being wrapped around her small form. It wasn’t until the person who owned them spoke into her ear,that she came back to her senses.

“Don’t go,puh-puh-please…” His voice was low and sounded desperate.

Y/N felt her chest tighten. She wanted to let it all out,the sobs,the screams,the thoughts that haunted her mind. But she couldn’t. She decided to try and stay as composed as possible. She didn’t want her friends to realize she was crying for them. She had always been the strong one,yet this past few minutes showed otherwise. But that’s how she wanted them to remember her,unbreakable till the end.

But when her body touched Bill’s,when he burried his warm face in her neck,she couldn’t help but cry. She tried to hold it in but failed miserably.

“You’re gonna be everything you want to be one day,i promise.” She said,her voice cracking.

“Y/N,we’re gonna be late!” Her mother’s voice slightly startled her and she immediately pulled away. So did Bill. The sadness on his face couldn’t be hid.

Y/N gave everyone a sad smile,as she started taking a few steps backwards.

“Always a loser?” shouted Richie and she nodded.

“Always a loser.” She repeated. Throwing one last glance at them,she turned around and started walking away. She put her right hand in her pocket,kicking some pebbles with her foot

“Billy,are you coming?” She heard Eddie ask.

“No,i’ll catch up with you guys l-l-ater.” He replied.

Y/N blinked.

She stopped dead in her tracks,feeling like she couldn’t breathe.

Was he…Was Bill…

A hand softly took her wrist and slowly spun her around,almost as if the person was afraid to see her crying face.

Y/N frowned,her heart sinking. Why couldn’t he just let go? Why was he making things harder than they already were?

“I f-forgot to g-g-give you something.” He whispered,never letting go of her trembling hand.

“I don’t want you to give me anything,Billy. I won’t forget you.” She said,avoiding his gaze.

“N-n-no,i’ve b-b-been truh-trying to g-give you this s-since the day we m-m-met…”

Y/N looked up at him,confused.

“Your stuttering is getting worse,are you-”

She didn’t manage to finish her question because his soft lips were on hers. It was quick and rather she short but to Y/N,it meant the world. Not even in her dreams,had Bill Denbrough kissed her.

Even though the kiss was salty,due to her tears,her heart was beating so fast and her cheeks had flushed. Bill had her wrapped around his little fucking finger.

“Best friends don’t do that…” She mumbled when the boy pulled away.

“I guess they don’t.” he said,smiling.

“Jaysus Christ,Y/N! Come here,now!” Her mother seemed furious. She didn’t really care about what her daughter said or did. All she wanted was the schedule to be followed.

“That’s my call,i guess…” Y/N giggled and moved her hand away from Bill’s.

“Forever i-i-in m-my huh-heart,Y/N.” Bill said,his cheeks slightly pink.

“Forever in my heart,Bill.”

They both smiled at each other and saying goodbye,they took their seperate ways; Bill towards the road the others losers had followed. Y/N towards her mother’s car.

She didn’t know what life had in store for her. At that moment,maybe it didn’t even matter.

Y/N had gotten the best present a girl could ever ask for.

And for that,she was happy.

[descendantofthesparrow]

Her voice Levi x Reader One-Shot

Her voice Levi x Reader One-Shot

Key

h/c- hair color

e/c- eye color

h/l- hair length

s/c- skin color

y/n- your name

 (a/n this is before the fall of wall Maria so squad Levi 1.0 Is still alive and the 104th squad is still in training, also you are two years younger than Levi and Levi is 21 in this so you are 19 and 11 months older than Petra.)

Italics are thoughts and song lyrics

Year 849

----Levi POV----

I leaned over my desk, working on the paper work Erwin had dumped on me, I’ve been working on it for the past four hours…my back and neck really fucking hurt.

Groaning, I leaned back in my chair and stretched my arms over my head and my back gave a pleasing crack ( a/n hey that rhymed!!! :p)

Sighing I placed my cheek in the palm of my hand while leaning on my desk, I tapped the papers with my pen, hoping that something exciting would happen soon…or maybe-

(listen to this while you read, btw Levi can hear the beginning guitar part as well, the acoustic one, not the electric one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Dsg8zA8U8)

--You light my fire, mune kogasu shoudou ni touch What i want to hear kimi no emotion Whatever will be, will be ima wa gekiryuu no age How are you feeling? Boku no motion Tachimukau tame no strong ties te o tottara Are we ready to play fair ?--

My eyes widened, hearing the gorgeous voice echoing throughout the HQ halls, I relaxed and smiled ‘it seems (y/n)’s monthly concert has begun’

I stood up from my chair and began to head over to where her voice and guitar was coming from to enjoy her music that appeared after every expedition, which was in the mess hall, as (y/n) had said that it was the best place as it amplified sound best than the rest of the HQ.

--Just believe in myself Kono sekai de owannai yume Oikake speed up! speed up! Just believe in myself Kodoku na yoru o koete yukunda Mirai e speed up! speed up! Hashiridashita konkyo naki omoi Ima, just believe in myself—

As I arrived at the mess hall I saw the rest of the special ops squad standing around the door of the mess hall, rolling my eyes I walked passed them to get a front row seat…and also to get a cup of tea that (y/n) would put out for me when she was up late and she knew that I was as well…what?! Erwin and Hanji force the paperwork that they don’t want to do on me! Also insomnia.

(y/n) lifted her head to look at me when she heard my footsteps but she didn’t stop singing. She gave me a smile and gestured to the cup of tea in front of her. I smirked and sat down and began to enjoy the tea and relaxing music.

--I want to draw a dream nido to kienai hodo flash Turning round and round kizame passion Without you? With you? Kasaneau shunkan ni cry What's this life for towa no emission Tabidastu kimi e no good luck mata aetara Someday, live to tell the 'Tale'--

 As (y/n)’s melodic voice began to grow in power, more people began to fill the room, but squad Levi and their captain had front row seats at the same table (y/n) was playing at.

Everybody had their eyes closed excluding me who was staring at (y/n) with pure love in my eyes.

--Just believe in myself Toki o koete kawannai mono Yakitsuke speed up! speed up! Just believe in myself Tsunaida te o hanasanaide Setsuna ni speed up! speed up! Afuredashita haruka naru negai Sou just believe in myself--

(y/n) and I had been in a relationship for the past year.

Nobody knew not even (y/n)’s sister Petra knew, who was EXTREMELY close to (y/n) so it was surprising that Petra didn’t know, though a little more than a year back, Petra had come into my office

 ---flashback---

I was doing my paperwork when I heard someone knock on my door, “name and business” “Petra Ral sir and I need to talk to you about something” Petra spoke with a giddy voice

I sighed, thinking she was about to confess to me, and leaned back in my chair “enter” Petra opened my door walked in and closed it behind her, and she stood in the middle of the room with a face splitting smile on her face

I rose an eyebrow at her “what is it Petra?” she bit her lip and opened her mouth, I winced internally and prepared myself to crush her heart as I did not feel the same, cuz I loved her sister…(y/n)

                                                “do you like (y/n)?” I stared at her for a few moments in confusion “huh?” Petra began to hop up and down “cuz she has a crush on you~!!! And I wanted to find out if it was requited~!!”

I stared at her with a shocked expression, “well~ I'm going to head out to training, get to confessing heichou~! I want to be an aunt!!!!!”

Petra turned and ran out of the room, while red began to spread over my face ‘(y/n)…has a…crush on me?...yes!!! yesyesyesyesyes!!” I jumped up from my chair and began to do a happy dance around my room “yesyesyesyes!!!! She likes me back! she likes me back!!!!!” I flopped on my couch and shoved my face into the throw pillow.

“Yes!!!!”

---flashback end---

About a month after I found out, I confessed to (y/n) after one of her concerts. she squealed and planted her smooth and plump lips on mine, marking the beginning of a happy and at the moment, a year long relationship and I was about to propose to her, to hopefully become her husband, and to think that I used to hate all this lovey dovey stuff and now…I don’t think I would be able to live without (y/n).

--Just believe in myself Kono sekai de owannai yume Oikake speed up! speed up! Just believe in myself Kodoku na yoru o koete yukunda Mirai e speed up! speed up! Hashiridashita konkyo naki omoi Ima, just believe in myself--

As (y/n) finished her song clapping began to sound through out the hall, Petra giggled and went to praise her older sister

“That was amazing (y/n)~! was that a new song? cuz I’ve never heard it before.” “thank you Petra, and yes it was thought I’d throw in a song I wrote a couple days ago”

“Well, it was awesome~!” (y/n) chuckled and gave a small bow “why thank you, my lady” Petra gave a snicker and bowed low to the ground making a fake posh accent

“You're welcome your musicness~”

The two sisters stared at each other for a few moments with the most serious faces before they burst into laughter

I glanced at them for a moment before I turned to gain the attention of the rest of the soldiers “alright concerts over time for bed lets go”

“awwwwwwwwww” “boooooo!” “encore!” I rolled my eyes and said in a stern voice “that’s an order!” they shrunk back and nodded and headed back to their dorms, and my squad passed me next, the four saying good night before head back to turn in for the night.

I nodded and moved my attention back to (y/n) who was drinking the last of her tea, I walked up to her and kissed her cheek, she smiled and booped my nose. I smirked, wrapped my arm around her waist and guided her back to my room, where she sometimes stayed…because of nightmares, mine specifically.

Usually of (y/n) dying in horrific ways, or her getting kidnapped and me being unable to save her.

Just…just things that make me unable to sleep soundly, unless she’s sleeping with me, then they all just become dreams…like (y/n) and I getting married, having kids, her teaching me how to play guitar.

Good dreams, ones in which I don’t want them to end.

---time skip 4 hours---

“Gah!” I shot up in bed, gasping for breath. A nightmare, one in which (y/n) and I had gotten into an argument and we left for an expedition and I never got to apologize…she died, she was ripped apart in front of my eyes.

I can still hear the echoing screams…the gut wrenching bloodcurdling screams that just felt like a sword to the heart.

As I sat on my bed letting out silent sobs, the sheets rustled next to me, ‘shit’ I thought ‘I woke her up’ I forced myself to stop crying and wiped the tears from my face.

“Levi” (y/n) whispered “are you alright” I sniffed and nodded “yeah I’m good”

She narrowed her eyes at me “no you’re not” she lifted her hand and cupped my cheek  “your eyes are red and you have tear tracks on your cheeks”

I sniffed and leaned into her hand and gripped it with my own, “what happened?” I didn’t answer “nightmare” I nodded “aww baby come here”

She guided my head to her chest and held me close.

I couldn’t hold it anymore and began to cry into her chest

(y/n) gave a sad smile “what was it about” I sniffed “we-we had an a-argument an-and-and we left for an expedition and you-you died and I never got to apologise” I sobbed into her chest, and (y/n) began to pet my hair and run her nails up and down my back causing shivers to go down my spine

“shhh it's okay”

Even with her soft spoken words I did not cease my sobbing

She sighed and gave a sad expression before a figurative light bulb appeared over her head

She took a deep breath before letting her voice sing through the dark thoughts in my head

--Come stop your crying It will be alright Just take my hand Hold it tight--

She took my hand

--I will protect you From all around you I will be here Don't you cry--

She lifted my chin so I looked into her eyes

--For one so small, You seem so strong My arms will hold you, Keep you safe and warm This bond between us Can't be broken I will be here Don't you cry--

She kissed my forehead before resuming her song

--'Cause you'll be in my heart Yes, you'll be in my heart From this day on Now and forever more You'll be in my heart No matter what they say You'll be here in my heart, always--

She took my other hand and put it on the place where her heart beat

I gave a small smile and kissed her cheek, she smiled back and pecked my lips

“okay back to sleep cuz I'm really really tired from today's expedition”

I snorted and tucked my head under (y/n)’s chin and slipped into a heavy and dreamless sleep.

---time skip 3 months---

“Petra! take the left aberrant, Oluo! Take the right! Eld, Gunther! Take the two up front! (y/n) with me!”

“yes, sir!”

(y/n) and I shot up to the multiple Titans in front of us and began to slice the napes with ease.

“haha!!! Take that you fucker!!”

I turned to see that (y/n) had taken down the largest titan and, holy fuck now I remember why I let myself fall for her!!! (y/n)'s a badass!

“nice one (y/n)!” “why thank you heichou~! I did my very-ah!!!”

My eyes widened and I froze, as she was talking an aberrant had sneaked up from behind us and grabbed her, crushing her in its grip. I heard her ribs crack as is gripped her in its palm

“l-Levi!!!” (y/n) stretched her hand out to me, at that I snapped out of the frozen state I was in and sprang into action.

“(y/n)!!! hang on!” but I was too late…the titan opened its mouth and tossed my beloved in its disgusting mouth.

“L-LEVI I-I LOVE YO-“ the Titan's mouth snapped shut, cutting off her last words, I stared in horror at the scene.

“no…no…(y/n), y-you can't be”

I felt something inside me break and I let out a bloodcurdling scream

“GIVE HER BACK!!!”

 ---time skip---

I laid in my bed, sobbing into my pillow. I couldn’t breathe, my snot clogging my sinuses.

“(y/n)” I sobbed “i-im so so-sorry” I clutched onto my pillow

“I love you too”

“im sorry”

---outside Levi's room---

“poor guy” squad Levi, Hanji, Mike, Erwin, and Nanaba stood outside levis room, where they heard Levi crying his heart out.

“I guess shorty isn't emotionless after all huh?”

“I guess not���

“so I guess him and (y/n) were together?”

“I suppose I don’t know why they kept it a secret I wouldn’t have stopped them”

“probably thought It was against the rules Erwin” “Well it's not Hanji, the only thing I would've worried about was if it got in the way of their duties”

Petra was listening to Levi apologizing to her deceased sister and apparently…his lover.

Petra sighed and internally prayed for her sister to visit her captain in his dreams and give him some closure.

--back with Levi--

I sniffed and began to sit up, I looked to my left and there leaning against the wall…was (y/n)’s guitar.

‘I forgot that she left it in here’

I stood up from my bed and walked over to it and picked it up and positioned my fingers on the correct cords to begin a song

‘I remember when she taught me how to play’

---flashback---

“Now put your fingers here and here”

A broken, teeth hurting chord came from the guitar.

I sighed and put the instrument onto the ground

“I’m never going to get this right”

(y/n) scoffed and rolled her eyes

“You're don’t going to if you don’t practice, besides you’ve only been trying for an hour and a half”

I pouted and crossed my arms

“whatever”

(y/n) huffed and shoved the guitar in my arms

“practice makes perfect now come on do the chord”

I rolled my eyes and positioned my fingers in the correct area’s and strummed

A clean chord

“there ya go~ okay now the next one”

“fine”

---flash back end---

 And after months of practice, I was as good as (y/n), learning all the songs she created and created my own as well.

I positioned the guitar in my arms, put my fingers in their correct position and began to play the song that I was going to play when I proposed to (y/n)

(song:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UMHEk1FXd0)

--You and I, we're like fireworks and symphonies exploding in the sky With you, I'm alive Like all the missing pieces of my heart, they finally collide

So stop time right here in the moonlight 'Cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes--

Memories flashed of (y/n) and i

--Without you, I feel broke Like I'm half of a whole Without you, I've got no hand to hold Without you, I feel torn Like a sail in a storm Without you, I'm just a sad song I'm just a sad song--

 When she and I first got together

Our first date

First kiss

--With you, I fall It's like I'm leaving all my past and silhouettes up on the wall With you, I'm a beautiful mess It's like we're standing hand and hand with all our fears up on the edge

So stop time right here in the moonlight 'Cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes--

First time

When we almost got caught by Erwin

Tears began to stream down my face once more

But I forced my voice not to break

--Without you, I feel broke Like I'm half of a whole Without you, I've got no hand to hold Without you, I feel torn Like a sail in a storm Without you, I'm just a sad song--

When I taught her how to clean up to my standers

Her laugh

Her smile

Her (e/c) eyes filled with love for me

--You're the perfect melody The only harmony I wanna hear You're my favorite part of me With you standing next to me I've got nothing to fear--

Her soft (h/c) (h/l) hair

Her smooth (s/c) skin

--Without you, I feel broke Like I'm half of a whole Without you, I've got no hand to hold Without you, I feel torn Like a sail in a storm Without you, I'm just a sad song--

When she would prank me with Hanji

When she would help me with paper work

When she found out when my birthday was and she got really excited

…

….

When I got the engagement ring, the one which will never be slid onto her ring finger

--Without you, I feel broke Like I'm half of a whole Without you, I've got no hand to hold Without you, I feel torn Like a sail in a storm Without you, I'm just a sad song, I'm just a sad song--

With the last chorus, I strum the last chord and ended my song and let myself break down once more

“fuck” I whimpered “I sorry (y/n) Im so sorry”

I collapsed onto the floor in pain

“I love you”

---final time skip year 851---

There it was the sea, a beautiful blue spreading out as far as I could see

“Oh (y/n)” I whispered to myself “I wish you could see this”

I looked down to see my boots dug deep into the sand

“shorty~!!!!”

I snapped my head up, to see Hanji waving me over

“come on the waters fine!!!! And take off your boots the sand feels awesome!!!!!”

I huffed and obeyed them

“fine shitty glasses im coming”

I took off my boots and rolled up my pants to my knees

I made my way to the edge of the water and stared at how it reflected the sunlight…just like (y/n)’s eyes

“isn't it amazing shorty”

I stayed silent for a few moments before answering

“I guess so”

Hanji seemed to think for a few moments before opening their mouth

“(y/n) would've loved to see this”

My shoulders sagged

“Yeah..”

Hanji and I were silent for a minute before Hanji snapped back into their usual self

“okay well that’s enough sadness for me ima go jump into the water see ya!!!”

I rolled my eyes and looked down at my feet where the water crashed over my legs

“I wish you could see this, my love”

I looked up to the sky above me

“I miss you”

 --- the last skip I swear!---

I walked along the edge of the water in silence, humming one of (y/n)s songs…the one she sang to me when I had the nightmare.

-- Come stop your crying It will be alright Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you From all around you I will be here Don't you cry--

I sang softly into the night as the stars that shined above me

-- For one so small, You seem so strong My arms will hold you, Keep you safe and warm This bond between us Can't be broken I will be here Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart Yes, you'll be in my heart From this day on Now and forever more You'll be in my heart No matter what they say You'll be here in my heart, always--

I sighed and continued my adventure

(song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPYRNo4Jyyk)

--Yume wo otte mayoikonda kokoro no mori no oku Kagami yori sunda izumi utsuru yuganda Smile--

I stopped in my tracks

‘I know that song’

I turned to face the area the song was coming from

‘and the voice!’

I didn’t think before sprinting towards the voice

--Koboreta namida wa (Don't Cry) kin demo gin demo nakute Arifureta namida (Fall From My Eyes) megami mo kizukanai--

It was getting louder the more I ran

‘please be her please be her’

--Masayume Chasing Chasing Koero motto jibun shijou saikou no Ima wo Chasing Chasing Sou egaita jibun ni natte moyase mune no hi wo--

As I came to a stop I realized that in front of me was the place where the singing was originating from

‘please please be her’

As I stepped into the clearing I saw

                             “(y/n)” I whispered, there standing in front of me, was (y/n), in a torn and roughly mended uniform

But to me, it was like seeing an angel from heaven

(y/n) hadn't noticed me yet so she just kept singing in her gorgeous voice that I've missed for six years

--Na na na na na na na Oh Na na na na na Hey Hey Na na na na na na na Oh Kakenukero Hero--

I walked further into the clearing before accidentally stepping on a branch.

(y/n) stopped singing and slowly turned around.

As soon as she realized it was me she began to sprint towards me and glomped me causing me to fall backward, both of us laughing

(y/n) held her self up staring down at me with love and happiness in her eyes

“Levi” (y/n) whispered

“(y/n)”

I cupped her cheeks and pressed my lips to hers, healing the broken parts of my heart with it.

(y/n) pressed back lightly before taking control and dominance and shoving her tongue in my mouth

I let out muffled laughter and reluctantly pulled away.

“I missed you so much (y/n)” Tears came to her eyes

“I missed you too Levi”

I pulled her into my arms and we cuddled for a few moments before a thought came to my mind

“(y/n)?” “Hmm?” “how’d you get out of the Titan?”

“I sliced that motherfucker open”

“ah that makes sense”

(y/n) giggled for a few moments, before becoming silent.

We cuddled for a few moments more when I remembered something…The engagement ring.

I have it in my pocket.

I was going to throw it in the ocean hoping that it would transport it to (y/n)

“hey (y/n)?” “Yeah?”

I leaned away and lifted her off my lap (y/n) looking at me with confusion

I grabbed the box from my pocket and kneeled in front of (y/n), her eyes widened and she covered her mouth and tears appeared in her eyes

“l-Levi?”

“(y/n), I never got to do this six years ago, because I thought the titan ate you, but now that I have the chance im not going to lose it. so (y/n)”

I opened the box to reveal the diamond ring that made me broke for half a year

“will you marry me…when we get back to the walls?”

(y/n) stayed silent for a few minutes, and I started to shift in place

“(y/n)?”

“Oh sorry YES!”

(y/n) tackled me and attacked my face with kisses

“ok ok come on let's go tell Hanji that you’re alive huh?”

(y/n) snickered and nodded

I grasped her hand and lead her back to the camp

Finally, I have her back and my broken heart was put back together.

And her voice that I've missed for the past six years have returned to me…and im never letting her go again

---the end---

Songs:

Believe in myself - edge of life

You’ll be in my heart – Phil Collins

Sad song – We the kings

MASAYUME CHASING - BoA

Levi belongs to Hajime Isayama

you belong you

the story belongs to me

[imterriblypleased-blog]

Alex Ernst - Self Harm (Requested)

This Is a repost from another blog of mine, i thought it would be more fitting here. 

//

Request:  David and Liza are having date night and Liza goes over to David’s place and he asks her to wait or something and she goes to the bathroom for a second to check her makeup only to find Alex cutting.

P.O.V:  Written from Liza’s Point of View

Pairing: Liza X David

Word count: 1277 (sorry for the length, got a bit carried away)

Warning: MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING. Includes mentions/description of self harm (specifically cutting).

A/N: If anyone is struggling with Depression // self harm or simply needs someone to talk to- My Messages are ALWAYS open and I’m ALWAYS happy to talk. Stay safe kiddies xox

//

Liza’s P.O.V

Salad bowl and grocery bag in one hand, two large pizzas in the other, you manage to knock on the door of your boyfriend David Dobrik’s apartment with your shoe. Well, more like cause a rather loud bang in attempt to catch someone’s attention so they could let you in. David lived with two other guys around the same age as him, Dom and Alex. Nice enough, but she hadn’t really had the chance to get to know them yet. All she knew was that Dom was into weed and sleeping around and therefore was rarely ever home, and Alex had a mildly concerning obsession with his rabbit, bailey. The door swung open revealing Alex, smiling politely with dripping wet hair and wearing only a towel. He must have been the only one to hear your knock //bang // and gotten out of the shower to answer the door. You smiled appreciatively, “Thank god!” you exclaimed, speed walking straight into the kitchen, setting down the food you had picked up on the way for your and David’s date night. “For a second there I thought I’d have to explain to David why his meat lovers turned into a vegetarian – Za”. You both chucked and Alex shut the door. “so where’s David?” you asked looking around the apartment from your position leaning against the pantry, wondering why he hadn’t heard her knock or come in even. “he must be finishing up his vlog in his room, I can get him if you like?” “oh no thanks I can get him.” You open the shopping bag you had brought in earlier and pulled out a can of silly string. “This will make a good outro for this week’s vlog aye?” you say smirking, in a deep suggestive voice. Alex laughed at your facial expression and the thought of the tantrum that David’s bound to half after this little prank. “Just make sure not to wake up bailey with any – activities you guys may decide to partake in tonight” he says in a deep voice, accompanied by a friendly wink. You blush slightly, and brush past him playfully slapping his chest as you go by, both going your separate ways.

You’re approaching David’s bedroom door when surely enough you hear the famous, “That’s it for today’s vlog, thanks for watching Bree, Make sure you –“At that note you barge in with a battle cry aiming your can at David and spraying mercilessly. He instinctively points the camera your way and simultaneously attempts to shield himself with his free hand, laughing. You begin to laugh with him and he ends the vlog at there. Covered in silly string, he throws the camera on his bed and runs over to you, picking you up and twirling you around whilst subtly ticking your sides making you squeak and squirm a little in his strong grasp. He sets you down and plants a soft kiss on your lips, which you gladly return.

// Two hours later //

You and David are cuddled up in David’s bed, halfway through a long sought-after Sherlock marathon, eating your respective meals with a cheeky handful of popcorn every now and then when suddenly, the doorbell rings and David sits up looking somewhat confused as he wasn’t expecting anyone tonight. Figuring it must be for Alex as Dom wasn’t home, David relaxed back into bed and waited for Alex to get the door. 30 seconds had gone by and the bell continued ringing as if the person looking to enter was growing inpatient. Deciding that Alex wasn’t going to bother, David excuses himself go check it out. You take the opportunity to hope up and use the bathroom, and maybe touch up your makeup a little. You grab your reasonably sized travel makeup bag from your backpack and make your way to the bathroom where the light is on and the door is slightly open. Seeing this as a greenlight to enter, you push the door fully open, only for your eyes to land upon a now fully dressed and in his PJ’s Alex, sitting on the floor with both sleeves pulled up and both forearms absolutely covered in blood. You stand there staring, shocked for no longer than 2 seconds until Alex stands up looking absolutely infuriated. Acting as if he was playing a part for a bit in one of David’s vlogs, but he wasn’t playing a part, and you were terrified. He yanks you into the bathroom and slams the door. He comes up uncomfortably close, with a finger raised, with what seemed like pure anger on his face but upon further inspection, its also stained with tears. His eyes are red and puffy and blood is now dripping off the end of his finger tips onto your shirt in which he had scrunched in his hand. You look him in the eye as a single tear falls from you right eye. His face softens, as does his grip on your T-Shirt and he falls to the ground. You instantly fall with him, hands shooting up to cup his face, comforting him. His head drops, head buried in your neck. And he just cries. Neither of you say anything for a short time, until you slowly lift up his head and slide out from beneath him, heading for the top cabinet and standing on your tippy toes, retrieving a small medical kit. You sit across from him on the bathroom floor and gesture for him to hold out his arms. You consider his eyes, shame and vulnerability seeping out of them in the form of tear drops. He does not resist. He holds out his forearms, dropping his head in embarrassment. You begin to clean his right arm with an alcohol wipe, only realizing when a majority of the blood is wiped away, the severity of his injuries. Both arms are covered from wrist to elbow in white, silver, and pink scars of all different sized. Some indented, some raised. All tragic. There are around 7 new deep wounds on each arm, you clean them, close them with butterfly stitches, and finish by bandaging both arms. It is then that you decide to ask. “Why, Alex?” you say, your voice trembling and cracking. At this point, you too have a tear stained face. He looks up, pain tracing his features. “I don’t know” he says after a few short moments. “I just feel like I’m always playing a character of some sort. I’m never being myself. I feel like no one appreciates who I am, they only like me when I’m not me. I feel like I have no identity.” I’ve never seen Alex so vulnerable, so open. I begin to speak. “Alex, -“ “Liza where are you? It was just some fan, look they got us a-“. David swung open the door, bright smile as always holding up a purple box that must have been a gift from the fan. His face drops when he sees the scene in front of him. Blood seeping through Alex’ bandages, blood on my shirt and on the ground. A Box blade on the sink, also covered in blood. It takes him a moment, but it finally clicks. The gift is forgotten and David immediately joins us on the floor. Embracing his roommate as he begins to sob again, David following short after. It became David’s Mission from there on out to always keep Alex happy. To always keep him feeling validated and important, And that’s exactly what he did.  

Alex and I had formed a strange yet special bond after the incident. A bond that would last forever.

[ever-growing-inspiration]

SELF-PARAGRAPH: Let It Go - Richard Moves Out

The keys in the door, the sound of the place unlocking was so familiar but there was a disheartening echo within it. This was Richard’s last time coming into this place, to walk in and take everything that was his out of it. He’d found a place to stay, getting furniture in it that felt so superficial. He wouldn’t want to sleep on any of it. He didn’t even want to think about the bed he had there. He wanted his bed, with his husband...but that wasn’t the case anymore. He had nothing, not one piece of this place to his name that wasn’t his clothes, trinkets and other keepsakes, and his suitcases. The toiletries he’d just throw out, not wanting a piece of it to be at his new place or he might completely lose himself.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, he finally opened the door and stepped in one foot at a time. As the door shut behind him, he heard the echo of it as if it were the house shutting the world out...to only expose the reality of what he had done. Gripping to his keys hard, he turned around slowly and turned off the security by putting in his code. Walking around his now former home, he let his fingertips run over coats that hung on the coat tree by the door, his eyes roaming the walls and noticing the empty spots where portraits of their wedding had hung. Tears welled up in his eyes as he took in the pain that he knew Zach must’ve felt for taking things down.

“Fuck.” Richard breathed, his voice cracking quietly as he looked down the hallway. He took off his shoes, knowing he never kept them on when he came in lest he mess up their carpet. Zach was always particular about that; keeping things pristine, which was fine by him. It was easier than messing things up and replacing them. Saved money, too. His shoes stayed where they were, wandering more until he got into the living room that he had sat in time and time again on holidays, days off, or when he was ill. His kids playing or resting in his lap. Tears fell more from his eyes as he felt the fabric of the chair under his grasp. He gripped hard to it, nearly tearing it but he let go. No need to break anything that would still be used by his husband. Fuck, his ex-husband.

His feet shuffled into the kitchen, the chairs they sat in as a family for meals...and where he had signed the divorce papers. The keys were dropped in the near exact spot he left those papers, not wanting to be reminded more of what he had done to his now broken family. It killed him, knowing he was the cause of all of this, and the reason behind his now ended marriage. Roughly running a hand through his hair and gripping the back of it, he sniffed hard once and wiped his cheeks with his free fingertips. No need to let them dry there since it would just be more of a reminder in the mirror of how much he fucked up.

There were so many things he could do to destroy something out of anger, out of grief...but he didn’t. This space was still being lived in by his family, by Zach and their kids. He couldn’t do that to them. With all of his heart, he still loved them. Fuck, he loved them so much...but he did this to himself. He broke them all and they needed him to get better. If pushing him away would get that going, then that’s what had to happen...and it worked. Not right now, but it sure as Hell sank in through the rivets of his mind. This was no strong ship he lived in, it was broken for years. He just never did anything to fix it.

Shoving himself from the counter since he was resting against it, he made his way up the stairs to give one look at all of the rooms, each one holding meaning. His office being the nursery at first, where Zach and him held their children as babies while building such a lovely future...but the bottle ruined it. His lack of self-help shattered the future they could’ve had. Slamming that door shut, he pushed from that one and went right into Dominick’s room. He stopped for a moment, seeing a couple of things on the ground that didn’t belong. Richard couldn’t help it, clinging to the stuffed animal he’d gotten him that was his favorite. He took a long sniff of it, holding it to his chest as he felt his whole body shake. His son was scared of him, he couldn’t believe it but it was true.

Collapsing to his knee, he sobbed into the stuffed bear he got him since he couldn’t handle the idea of leaving his children. He fucked up so bad that he had to be away from them, that he couldn’t keep them close and hold them. Who was Richard kidding, though? He hadn’t done that in months. Fuck, he didn’t even really remember how his own son was doing in preschool. Was he into something? Clapping? Chopping? He couldn’t think straight right now, he couldn’t even comprehend that he’d have to put this bedroom behind him. It was too much and he let himself sit on the floor for a bit, crying into the bear he remembered buying for him.

After a moment, he stood up and straightened up the room a bit for his son since it would be strange to come home and not have his Papa be here. So, when he finished that, he closed that door with a gentle click before going across again to his daughter’s room. Kaylin’s was soft colors and filled with books and her favorite toys. She was never one for Barbies, but she did enjoy the ones that were superheroes. His mom had bought them for her since she was always for strong women. Picking up her shirt that was on her chair, he folded it up since it seemed she was in a hurry. She was meticulous, specific about everything. So, if one thing was out of place, it was because of stress. Another sign that he had done wrong in their lives. He cried again into her shirt, the scent mixing with Dominick’s as he sat on her bed. He pulled his legs up, folded underneath one another.

It was too long he’d spent in his children’s rooms, making sure he cleaned everything up since he knew it was best for them to have their lives orderly despite his own being a mess. Finally, he closed her door with a click like Dominick’s, seeing the bedroom ahead and dreading the idea of even going in there. He could just ask Zach to send his things, not being able to bear the idea of taking his things out himself. But, how would that heal wounds? How would that change him? It would just be the usual, piece of shit Richard that Zach was used to. No, he had to do right, the signing was the start of getting better. He had to do this for his family...for himself.

Getting to the bedroom door that they shared, he opened the door and saw everything just as perfect...except for a few things on the bed that were on Richard’s side of it. A silent sob rolled through him, his hand shakily gripping the doorknob as he felt like he couldn’t go through this. How was he going to deal with this? How was he going to get past this? Richard hyperventilated as he thought of having to move on from Zach. How the fuck was that even possible? They’d shared that bed for years, been together since their Undergraduate days. How the fuck was he going to move on? Trying to keep himself standing, he leaned on the door while shutting his eyes tight. Fuck, this was too much.

Swallowing hard again, he finally let go of the door and made his way in slowly while knowing that someone was going to share that bed with him. “FUCK!” He shouted, charging at the bed and slamming a foot at it before falling back. A growl left him while he held onto his foot, rubbing it a bit since he did hurt it from letting his anger show. He stood up after a moment, pacing back and forth while remembering all of the times they’d made love in that bed. Then there were the mornings where the kids would share their bed with them or wake them up on Father’s Day with breakfast. He started to tremble violently, grabbing the lamp on his former side of the bed and yanked it from the wall plug. He held it up, about to throw it but saw the picture on the bed.

Placing the lamp down, he picked up the picture and saw droplets of water which had him confused. Zach was clean freak and never let a single thing go. Unless, well, this was forgotten since he was too emotional. Sniffling hard and wiping at his eyes again, he cleared his throat and smoothed his fingers over the picture of their family. He broke that, he ruined that bond by his own bullshit and this was the physical reminder of what he had. This had been their most recent family portrait, never really being one to get them but it made Zach happy, so he always went along with it. That and the kids liked it since it made them feel special. Which they were, so Richard happily took them.

Sitting on the bed slowly, he gripped to the frame with his shaky hands and felt his own tears fall from his face. “Richard, you are the biggest piece of shit.” He uttered under his breath, his gaze locked on himself in the picture. It was important to keep this, a reminder of what had been and what could be. This decision they made was happening and there was no stopping it, but it didn’t mean their relationship was hopeless. They had kids together, they had a lot of history. Zach even told him that he would always loved him but that would probably change at some point to more platonic feelings other than romantic. But Richard could hold out hope for it...maybe.

Wiping his eyes, he put the picture back onto the bed and quickly went to the closet to start getting his things together. Boxes were already there for him to pack up, making it just that more real that he’d be gone from this place forever. Everything easily being folded and put into the boxes. Hell, there was even a roll of tape left for Richard so he could seal up everything when he was done with each one. He couldn’t help but cry the entire time he was packing, his heart shattering every time he saw a piece of Zach’s line he owned and was put into the box. He’d have to do something with them, since he couldn’t wear those pieces anymore without remembering what kind of shit he’d done to their long-lasting relationship.

Once that was done, he started to get each box out of the room and down the stairs to get it into the U-Haul he rented. It wasn’t big, just enough for his clothes and some of his furniture. That and all of his work stuff. The apartment he got was full of furniture, thankfully, so he just needed to get his things. It was easiest for him to do it alone, not wanting to get any of their friends involved that Richard was more than willing to avoid at the moment. All he’d hear was “I told you so,” and his oh so favorite “you should’ve done this sooner” type of comments. Fuck, he hated most of their friends that he was more than excited to drop. All of them were pretentious that he just couldn’t fucking stand anymore.

Getting to the last box, he saw the picture frame and placed it on top of the box he had in his hands. Once he did that, he did one last take to the bedroom and closed the door before going down the stairs for the last time. He’d never share this home with Zach again, never read his children stories before bed. There would be no more days and nights shared at the table together, enjoying a laugh with his family. No more pulling into the driveway drunk and stumbling in at four in the morning. There were no more wedding photos to be seen while walking through their home. For the last time, he was saying goodbye to a home he had a future with...but ruined all because of what he’d done; all because of a bottle that he just couldn’t fucking put down.

[writerbugg-blog]

Alex - Self harm. // Requested.

Request:  David and Liza are having date night and Liza goes over to David's place and he asks her to wait or something and she goes to the bathroom for a second to check her makeup only to find Alex cutting.

P.O.V:  Written from Liza’s Point of View

Pairing: Liza X David

Word count: 1277 (sorry for the length, got a bit carried away)

Warning: MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING. Includes mentions/description of self harm (specifically cutting). 

A/N: If anyone is struggling with Depression // self harm or simply needs someone to talk to- My Messages are ALWAYS open and I’m ALWAYS happy to talk. Stay safe kiddies xox

//

Liza’s P.O.V

Salad bowl and grocery bag in one hand, two large pizzas in the other, you manage to knock on the door of your boyfriend David Dobrik’s apartment with your shoe. Well, more like cause a rather loud bang in attempt to catch someone’s attention so they could let you in. David lived with two other guys around the same age as him, Dom and Alex. Nice enough, but she hadn’t really had the chance to get to know them yet. All she knew was that Dom was into weed and sleeping around and therefore was rarely ever home, and Alex had a mildly concerning obsession with his rabbit, bailey. The door swung open revealing Alex, smiling politely with dripping wet hair and wearing only a towel. He must have been the only one to hear your knock //bang // and gotten out of the shower to answer the door. You smiled appreciatively, “Thank god!” you exclaimed, speed walking straight into the kitchen, setting down the food you had picked up on the way for your and David’s date night. “For a second there I thought I’d have to explain to David why his meat lovers turned into a vegetarian – Za”. You both chucked and Alex shut the door. “so where’s David?” you asked looking around the apartment from your position leaning against the pantry, wondering why he hadn’t heard her knock or come in even. “he must be finishing up his vlog in his room, I can get him if you like?” “oh no thanks I can get him.” You open the shopping bag you had brought in earlier and pulled out a can of silly string. “This will make a good outro for this week’s vlog aye?” you say smirking, in a deep suggestive voice. Alex laughed at your facial expression and the thought of the tantrum that David’s bound to half after this little prank. “Just make sure not to wake up bailey with any – activities you guys may decide to partake in tonight” he says in a deep voice, accompanied by a friendly wink. You blush slightly, and brush past him playfully slapping his chest as you go by, both going your separate ways.

 You’re approaching David’s bedroom door when surely enough you hear the famous, “That’s it for today’s vlog, thanks for watching Bree, Make sure you –“At that note you barge in with a battle cry aiming your can at David and spraying mercilessly. He instinctively points the camera your way and simultaneously attempts to shield himself with his free hand, laughing. You begin to laugh with him and he ends the vlog at there. Covered in silly string, he throws the camera on his bed and runs over to you, picking you up and twirling you around whilst subtly ticking your sides making you squeak and squirm a little in his strong grasp. He sets you down and plants a soft kiss on your lips, which you gladly return.

// Two hours later //

You and David are cuddled up in David’s bed, halfway through a long sought-after Sherlock marathon, eating your respective meals with a cheeky handful of popcorn every now and then when suddenly, the doorbell rings and David sits up looking somewhat confused as he wasn’t expecting anyone tonight. Figuring it must be for Alex as Dom wasn’t home, David relaxed back into bed and waited for Alex to get the door. 30 seconds had gone by and the bell continued ringing as if the person looking to enter was growing inpatient. Deciding that Alex wasn’t going to bother, David excuses himself go check it out. You take the opportunity to hope up and use the bathroom, and maybe touch up your makeup a little. You grab your reasonably sized travel makeup bag from your backpack and make your way to the bathroom where the light is on and the door is slightly open. Seeing this as a greenlight to enter, you push the door fully open, only for your eyes to land upon a now fully dressed and in his PJ’s Alex, sitting on the floor with both sleeves pulled up and both forearms absolutely covered in blood. You stand there staring, shocked for no longer than 2 seconds until Alex stands up looking absolutely infuriated. Acting as if he was playing a part for a bit in one of David’s vlogs, but he wasn’t playing a part, and you were terrified. He yanks you into the bathroom and slams the door. He comes up uncomfortably close, with a finger raised, with what seemed like pure anger on his face but upon further inspection, its also stained with tears. His eyes are red and puffy and blood is now dripping off the end of his finger tips onto your shirt in which he had scrunched in his hand. You look him in the eye as a single tear falls from you right eye. His face softens, as does his grip on your T-Shirt and he falls to the ground. You instantly fall with him, hands shooting up to cup his face, comforting him. His head drops, head buried in your neck. And he just cries. Neither of you say anything for a short time, until you slowly lift up his head and slide out from beneath him, heading for the top cabinet and standing on your tippy toes, retrieving a small medical kit. You sit across from him on the bathroom floor and gesture for him to hold out his arms. You consider his eyes, shame and vulnerability seeping out of them in the form of tear drops. He does not resist. He holds out his forearms, dropping his head in embarrassment. You begin to clean his right arm with an alcohol wipe, only realizing when a majority of the blood is wiped away, the severity of his injuries. Both arms are covered from wrist to elbow in white, silver, and pink scars of all different sized. Some indented, some raised. All tragic. There are around 7 new deep wounds on each arm, you clean them, close them with butterfly stitches, and finish by bandaging both arms. It is then that you decide to ask. “Why, Alex?” you say, your voice trembling and cracking. At this point, you too have a tear stained face. He looks up, pain tracing his features. “I don’t know” he says after a few short moments. “I just feel like I’m always playing a character of some sort. I’m never being myself. I feel like no one appreciates who I am, they only like me when I’m not me. I feel like I have no identity.” I’ve never seen Alex so vulnerable, so open. I begin to speak. “Alex, -“ “Liza where are you? It was just some fan, look they got us a-“. David swung open the door, bright smile as always holding up a purple box that must have been a gift from the fan. His face drops when he sees the scene in front of him. Blood seeping through Alex’ bandages, blood on my shirt and on the ground. A Box blade on the sink, also covered in blood. It takes him a moment, but it finally clicks. The gift is forgotten and David immediately joins us on the floor. Embracing his roommate as he begins to sob again, David following short after. It became David’s Mission from there on out to always keep Alex happy. To always keep him feeling validated and important, And that’s exactly what he did.  

Alex and I had formed a strange yet special bond after the incident. A bond that would last forever.