#they literally have adult counterparts.

[reddje]

the it fandom vs writing smut abt children

[deadpoolsmom]

anime twunk slade in my adventures with superman is so funny to me and I think people who definitely do not read or think about deathstroke getting mad at it made me like it more lmao cause it made me realize a very silly detail

it’s a story about Clark starting out as Superman so everyone is younger than their comic counterparts. That means that this young, but still clearly Adult Man’s actual arch-nemesises are currently kindergarteners, still with their parents at the circus or a few years from turning green. Which. just very funny in general.

It also means, I realized, that he still has both eyes. This is Slade early in his mercenary career, seemingly post experimentation but pre eyeloss. Which is a very specific time period in his backstory that means he has a very funny trait for an edgy floppy-banged white-haired anime man:

He is currently married but (not by his choice) absolutely not going to stay that way.

it turns out about to be divorced is literally the funniest possible characteristic for a shonen villain to Me. I literally can’t stop calling him pre-divorce era Slade.

Oooo he’s edgy he’s dangerous he’s about to get shot in the face by his (absolutely justified) wife.

This man has at least one possibly two very young sons at home. He’s currently fighting Superman to avoid parenting. He is not going to get visitation rights and he Will be dodging child support payments.

Will they change it and make his eye related to Superman for narrative reasons, not covering his family stuff? I hope not but possibly. Until that happens though Schrödinger’s pathetic loser here having two eyes means his wife divorcing him is literally always impending.

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

Hi 👋🏻 Lou!! Congratulations 🎊🎉 on 6k!!

So how about Arranged Marriage w/ Simon?

Again congrats to 6k 🙃💛🦡

.⋆｡Give 'Em Hell｡⋆.

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x plus size reader

Your parents think you need to get married and settle down, so they called in a favour. A big military man of a husband might do you some good just not in the way they think

Warnings: arranged marriage, sort of sugar baby/daddy relationship, misogynist parents, future revenge, mention of hook-ups WC: 986

6k Follower Celebration Bingo

Library- @hannibals-favourite-meal-library

You often wondered about the true scope of your family’s stupidity. Sure, there were moments in your childhood where you had the vivid thought that no one could be as ignorant and blatantly idiotic as your parents were but somehow, they had absolutely hit rock bottom of moronic decisions.

“What the fuck do you mean I’m getting married?” Your mother gasped.

“Watch your tone young lady, that is no way to speak to your parents.” She scolded as your father’s expression hardened. There was no question that your parents were ‘traditional’ believing that women were less than their male counterparts in every way but while they had constantly lectured you on those beliefs, they hadn’t gone so far as to inflict them upon you, until now at least. They even helped you and encouraged you through college!

“You’ve been running wild long enough, it’s time for you to do your duty,” you fought the urge to roll your eyes, “We’ve let you chase your silly little dreams but you’re getting older and your clock is ticking.” Your father clicked his tongue and reached for the tumbler of expensive bourbon on the table beside his recliner.

“We’ve picked out a good man!” Your mother chirped from her place on the expensive love seat next to your father, “He’s highly decorated in the military, he can give you a good life.”

“I don’t give a shit about that! I’m not marrying anybody! Period!” You snarled. Anger curled in your gut, turning your tone sour.

Your father’s glass slammed down onto the wood, making your mother flinch. “You will marry him or I will make your life a living hell. I make one call and no one will want to hire you, not even as a fucking garbage collector. You know the connections I have. Suck it up and be a responsible adult for once.” 

——————

“I don’t want a husband.” The man across from you made a sound that you thought might have been a laugh. Simon, as you had learned from your parents, was a Lieutenant in a special ops task force. Never married, no family to speak of and copious amounts of money, your mother had gleefully added as she literally dragged you into the official-looking building where you would be meeting your future spouse.

He was by all means, an intimidating man. Almost 6 and a half feet tall and wearing a stupid balaclava with a skull on it, he looked more fitting being in a slasher movie than in a conference room negotiating marriage stipulations. His bulky, tattooed arms were crossed over his chest, somehow making him seem even bigger to you, as he leaned back in his chair.

“I don’t want a wife.” Your eyebrows furrowed at that. 

“Then why are you here?” 

His massive shoulders rolled back as his head tilted, cracking his neck. “Same as you— orders.” You hummed under your breath and forced your gaze away from his tanned arms and up to his eyes. He was obviously a quiet man but in no way did that intimidate you. He seemed more pissed off at your father who had so rudely guided (shoved) you into the room than he did at you.

You cleared your throat. “I won’t fuck you.” This time, his laugh was more discernible. His broad chest rumbled with the sound.

“‘M not expecting you to, not unless you beg,” you made a face at him but Simon continued, “I get deployed most of the time, I’d just like someone to take care of the house and spend my money.”

“So I would be your sugar baby.” He shrugged.

“If that’s what ya wanna call it. Do what cha want, I don’t care. We just need to show up to official events together.” 

You planted your elbows on the table between you and stared into his brown eyes. Simon didn’t waver. “So you wouldn’t have an issue with me getting a job?”

“None.” He answered quickly.

“Going back to school?”

“I’d happily pay for it.” You raised an eyebrow before a devious smirk crossed your lips.

“Get a lover?” His eyes blazed while he mirrored your position, the swivel chair beneath him groaning with his mass as he leaned forwards, planting his massive palms onto the table.

“I’d like to see you try.” Against your will, heat raced through your body, setting your nerves alight with the thrum of arousal.  Simon’s mask shifted and you imagined that he was smirking at you. 

You tamped down the feeling of wetness between your soft thighs, forcing yourself to remember exactly why you were in this situation in the first place. “You’re a lot different than I was expecting.”

He huffed. “So are you. Thought I was getting stuck with some bratty trust fund baby who’s never even set foot in a thrift store.”

“I thought you were gonna be a crusty old man who wanted me to put out so he could feel better about his broken dick and receding hairline.” Silence settled between you before suddenly, you both broke into peels of laughter, an oppressive weight suddenly lifted from the room. 

You were relieved; Simon seemed at least like a decent human being if nothing else and it appeared that you could continue living your life, although without the occasional hook up here and there. But considering how handsome you presumed your almost husband to be, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

“I guess we both got lucky didn’t we?” You wiped the tears from your eyes.

“Or just benefitting from the sheer incompetence of the people that thought this was a good idea.” You rolled your eyes at him.

“So, should we do this then?” You asked. Simon rose from his seat and offered you his hand, which you didn’t hesitate to take. As he pulled you to your feet, he uttered:

“Let’s give ‘em hell.”

Modern Warfare Masterlist | Main Masterlist

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[daiziesssart]

a humiliatingly long character analysis of lily evans

Someone sent me an ask that briefly mentioned how misunderstood Lily is, and before I knew it I was typing out this monster. I am. sorry. This is literally just me rambling about her, what I find compelling about her character, and why her character is so often misunderstood.

This is long as hell so I'm putting it under a read more lolol

Part of the reason I like Lily so much (other than my being ginger and projecting onto any redheaded female character I see) is that even though she isn’t explored as much as her other Marauders Era counterparts, we know enough about her to start building the framework for her character. And what I see is a girl who was incredibly interesting, kind, and flawed.

One thing I always think about in regards to Lily is that she was dealt with a pretty unfair hand. As soon as she receives her letter, she’s basically torn between two worlds, both of which have been less than welcome to her. On one hand, we have the muggle world that she’s known all her life, but once she starts integrating into the wizarding world, she likely feels a bit of a disconnect with that world. To twist the knife further, her sister- whom she loved dearly and grew up so close with- starts outwardly resenting her with such unbridled hostility that they likely couldn’t even be in a room alone together without major conflict. 

On the other hand, we have the wizarding world– a world she’s not as familiar with and one she soon learns holds a demographic of people who hate everything she is and would rather see her excommunicated or even dead. And even though finding out you’re a witch/wizard is probably such an exciting and life-changing moment, I can’t help but also take note of the difficulties, especially if you’re the only one in your family with magic. You’re essentially uprooted from the only way of life you’ve known at an already complicated age, and now you have to quickly become acclimated to this new world that you only just found out existed. Not only that, but now you’re suddenly attending a school with classes that are primarily focused on this world of magic (which is still brand new to you), and you have to work extra hard to play catch up in order to do well. Like, that all seems like… a lot for a kid to handle.

And then I remember how young she was when she was thrown into that mess. She was only 11, and kids that age desperately crave any sense of belonging. I mean, that’s something that still holds true for adults, but it’s especially critical for a developing child. So imagine Lily, ages 11-15, struggling to stay afloat in this weird purgatory between these two parts of herself, both of which have been the cause for major and traumatic experiences relating to rejection in her life.

(I say it was the “cause” even though it’s obvious that those things were never her fault at all, but when you’re a young kid navigating the world, the only thing you’re able to process is that the common denominator is you, therefore you’re the one who must shoulder the blame.)

So now we have this tween-teenaged girl who has a dysfunctional relationship with two major parts of identity and probably feels absolutely lost. 

This is why her hesitancy to end her friendship with Snape makes sense to me. Even though by fifth year he’s already well past toeing the line with the dark arts, Lily was willing to overlook some pretty egregious and troubling things in order to maintain the relationship. I kind of interpret that as her way of desperately clinging on to any sense of belonging she has left; her relationship with Petunia has already been poisoned, and now there are people who resent her existence as a witch; if she loses Severus too, what and who else does she have? And what tone does that set for her, if everyone and everything she’s come to hold close to her ends up turning her away?

It’s also important to note that not only is Severus one of her few remaining connections to the muggle world, but he’s also a wizard who grew up in the muggle world; he understands her, and I don’t doubt that he gave her some stability at times when she needed it (her finding out about her being a witch, her having trouble acclimating to the wizarding world, etc).

I see this as being one of her flaws and I can actually appreciate how relatable and realistic it feels. Lily is not a bad person; on the contrary, you’d be hard pressed to find anyone to describe her as such. Not to get all clinical and boring, but the interesting thing about (unhealthy) coping mechanisms is that it can actually be really hard to identify them in your own behavior. Unless you’re in therapy and/or are actively psychoanalyzing yourself, you likely don’t even realize how many of your common behaviors are born from self defense mechanisms put in place by your brain after past events.

To me, it makes sense why she avoided actually confronting the idea that Snape was too far gone. We know that she was aware of the path Severus was taking, but it almost seems like she was still convinced that she could save him, and could possibly steer him back in the right direction. It’s only when she becomes the target of his bigotry that she realizes that the Snape who called her a ‘mudblood’ was not the same Severus who was the one who held her hand and introduced her to this new, exciting world.

In a general sense, yes, it is selfish, to only take a stand when something starts affecting you personally. But I also think it’s important to note that it’s unlikely that this was a conscious decision on Lily’s part. In my eyes, it was easier to delude herself into thinking she still had a chance to save him before it was too late when she was able to separate him from his actions (considering, a lot of the time, she was only hearing about them after the fact, rather than seeing them firsthand). But the elusion is shattered once she sees that the Snape she grew up with– her friend, Severus– is, in fact, the same person who’s out there calling other students slurs, dismissing the malicious use of Dark Magic on others as just “a laugh”. There we see a Lily who is actually revealed to have been somewhat aware of Snape’s involvement with the darker side of magic, and genuinely feels pretty ashamed about her inaction.

Also, this is in no way me being a Snape-anti, and I actually could do an entire separate analysis on his character alone and why I find him so interesting.

Anyways, that moment in SWM is probably somewhat of an epiphany to her. It’s like a dam that’s been broken, and now she’s overwhelmed with the realization of exactly how much she overlooked in order to keep their friendship afloat. And for someone like Lily Evans, someone whom we know is opinionated and unafraid to call others out on their bullshit, that can be hard to swallow and feel pretty mortifying and shameful. And I think this was a huge turning point for her- at that point, she doesn’t have the luxury of avoiding uncomfortable truths anymore and now that she’s getting closer to graduating and being thrown out into the world on the brink of war, this was probably a really sobering discovery.

This is where we don’t have as much info to go off of, and a lot of it is up to interpretation. But we actually have little crumbs to go off of following her graduation and leading up to her death.

One of my favorite little tidbits isn’t in the books, and @seriousbrat's post reminded me about it. Here's the actual entry on Pottermore for anyone who's interested, but I'll summarize: after James and Lily began dating, Lily brings James to meet newly engaged Petunia and Vernon. Everything goes downhill, because Vernon is a smarmy asshole, and James is still pretty immature and can’t help but mess with him (which… fair, I guess). Petunia and Vernon storm out after Petunia letting Lily know that she had no intentions of having her as a bridesmaid, which causes Lily to break down into tears. I mention this because I also think it’s a pretty important aspect of her character; like we’ve seen in her past friendship with Snape, Lily seems more than willing to forgive others most of the time. Petunia is a bit of a complicated character herself, but she was objectively very cruel and unfair to Lily once it became obvious that she was a witch and Petunia was not.

Something that always stands out to me is just how desperate Lily is to earn Petunia’s trust and approval again. Even up until her death, she was more than willing to mend the relationship, were Petunia ever to consider. 

This is a detail about Lily that I feel is misunderstood quite a bit. I’ve seen a lot of instances of her character being reduced to a one-dimensional archetype with little to no complexity. And often, that archetype is “know-it-all, prudish, self righteous bookworm who is also a goody two-shoes with a stick up her ass”. What annoys me is that the reason for this is most definitely the scene in which she blows up at James in SWM for bullying Snape, and hurls quite a few insults at him directly after an extremely devastating and overwhelming situation for her. This frustrates me because we know for a fact that she’s the polar opposite of this archetype I’ve seen her reduced to. 

In actuality, she’s referred to as popular, charming, witty, bright and kind. From flashbacks we also are shown that she’s opinionated, bold, and not afraid to challenge others. With other context, like her interpersonal relationships, we can also see that she’s pretty emotionally driven and wears her heart on her sleeve. 

(I know Remus didn’t mention Lily much in the books, but I really love how he described her in the movies. He tells Harry that the first thing he noticed about him was not his striking resemblance to his father, but his eyes, the same eyes Lily had. He also calls her a “singularly gifted witch” and an “uncommonly kind woman”.

“She had a way of seeing the beauty in others, even and perhaps most especially, when that person could not see it in themselves.”

I know there are mixed feelings on whether or not the films count as canon source material, so take it with a grain of salt, but I personally cannot see a world in which Lily and Remus didn’t become close friends.)

Here we have a direct description of what she was like and who she was, corroborated by recounting of memories of her, and yet for some reason, this feels like the thing that is most commonly lost in translation.

I don’t think I can say why I think that is without mentioning the dreaded M word (misogyny- it’s misogyny), but I also don’t want to get too off topic so I’ll be brief: female characters are typically not given the same grace as male characters. When we have an undeveloped male character, he’s awarded the assumption that despite his lack of depth, there still exists a complex and multifaceted character– it’s merely just potential that hasn’t been tapped into. Whereas when we have underdeveloped female characters, they are taken at face value, meaning that not much exists beyond the little information we have of them. They are not presumed to have a life or a story that exists beyond the surface of what we know like male characters are. That’s why I think characters like Regulus, Evan, or Barty (just to name a few) are more popular than Lily, despite being less developed than she is.

(Before anyone gets defensive, no, I don’t think it’s an individual problem that you alone need to be shamed for. I think it’s the result of a deeper issue regarding misogyny in media as a concept; these are things that we’ve all unknowingly internalized and while it’s not our fault, we still have to do the work to deconstruct those learned prejudices.)

What I find really cool about her character is that despite how much she’s been hurt, she’s also still known as one of the most loving, kind, and considerate characters. There were so many times in her life where the love she received was conditional and ripped away from her– and I think that’s what makes her sacrifice even more poignant. She was able to protect her infant son from an extremely powerful dark wizard, wand-less, knowing that her husband was just murdered in cold blood, just from how much love she felt for Harry. Her love was a force of nature on its own, and I just think that’s such an amazing thing about her. 

I know I’m biased, given that she’s one of my favorite characters, but even upon delving into this, I still just find it so incredibly hard to understand how anyone can actively hate her (not indifference, but actual dislike). In my opinion (again, no one is unbiased, and she is a favorite character of mine, but trust me when I say that I’m trying to be objective as possible when I say this), she’s probably one of the most likable characters of the Marauders Era. I think perhaps a lot of people haven’t given her a chance or really taken the time to learn about her character, but it could be a myriad of other reasons that I’ll never understand. 

There's so much more I could say but this is long enough and I will stop myself

Lily Evans, u will always be famous to me

[realcleverscience]

More evidence that republican reagonimics is literally killing us.

highlights:

In 2021, 1.1 million deaths would have been averted in the United States if the US had mortality rates similar to other wealthy nations,..

"Think of people you know who have passed away before reaching age 65. Statistically, half of them would still be alive if the US had the mortality rates of our peers. The US is experiencing a crisis of early death that is unique among wealthy nations."...

The US had lower mortality rates than peer countries during World War II and its aftermath. During the 1960's and 1970's, the US had mortality rates similar to other wealthy nations, but the number of Missing Americans began to increase year by year starting in the 1980's, reaching 622,534 annual excess US deaths by 2019. Deaths then spiked to 1,009,467 in 2020 and 1,090,103 in 2021 during the pandemic. From 1980 to 2021, there were a total of 13.1 million Missing Americans.

The researchers emphasize that this mortality crisis is a multiracial phenomenon and is not specific to minoritized groups. Black and Native Americans are overrepresented in these measures... Still, two-thirds of the Missing Americans are White, a result of the larger population of White Americans, their older age distribution, and death rates that are significantly higher than other wealthy nations...

They connect the large excess mortality burden to the failure of US policy to adequately address major public health issues, including the opioid epidemic, gun violence, environmental pollution, economic inequality, food insecurity, and workplace safety. The COVID-19 pandemic exacerbated many of these issues, particularly among lower-income and minority groups, and now that most of the safety-net policies created during COVID-19 have expired, vulnerable groups have lost vital support.

"We waste hundreds of billions each year on health insurers' profits and paperwork, while tens of millions can't afford medical care, healthy food, or a decent place to live," says study senior author Dr. Steffie Woolhandler, Distinguished Professor at the School of Urban Public Health at Hunter College, City University of New York. "Americans die younger than their counterparts elsewhere because when corporate profits conflict with health, our politicians side with the corporations."...

[nevermeyers]

Akutami this Akutami that. When Gojo "won" a few weeks ago people complained about Gege being greedy and keeping him alive to keep making money out of him (as if wanting money for your work was a sin). And now people complain about this death being "forced". Yk guys, I just think you're not happy with anything at this point and some people want to spread negativity over an overworked author. The same way people sent hate akutami when he didn't have the time to finish those pages in volume 17.

But I'll say thanks, Gege for creating such a great and complex character, wonderfully written who lived, loved and laughed, grieved and cried. A character so sadly mischaracterized as "just egoist and narcissistic" who had his heart broken so many times, his body literally ripped out, died and reborn as a god, who always gave his best.

I can't wrap my head about Satoru's life. People expecting the best from him, so they probably never actually congratulated him bc that was "his job" and what everything wanted from him. And Suguru being the only one who understood him and saw him as Satoru, not Gojo Satoru "the six eyes brat" just Satoru. His name being pronounced in such a lovely way during season 2 will always break my heart.

Also, Satoru and Toji being counterparts in the sense that Toji was born with nothing, and no one expected nothing from him, while Satoru had everything. Their fight, which was the first time Satoru felt alive and the point from which he became obsessed with being powerful.

Satoru, the funny and cunning teacher who wanted a strong generation. And he made it. He actually accomplished his dream of making a strong generation of sorcerers capable of thinking by themselves. It's all in their hands now.

Grew from a kid to a smart adult who proved he was the strongest of his generation. Maybe he wasn't the strongest of all times, and considers himself to not be enough, but for me? Damn, he is. He's the one who cared about the youth, who prepared them for the future. Who overcame a cursed love and loss all covered in blood, never surrendered, and still managed to stood up for what he believed in regardless the situation. That's what a strong person does.

So thanks Gege. Satoru has accompanied me for three years of my life. I loved him for three years and I will continue to love him in case he decides not to give another plot wist and leave him definitely dead.

I'll love him forever

[squishytenya]

semblance of touch

prologue - part one - part two - part three

pairing - bakugou x gn!reader

warnings - swearing, bkg uses princess as a nickname but in a gn way, enemies to lovers, minor injuries, hospital setting briefly (title from sedated by hozier)

By the time you had pulled on your jacket and caught up with him, the blonde was already at the front of the hospital. He took one look at you and scowled. Scoffing, you pushed past him and towards the street you knew led towards your shared dorms. 

Your stomping was interrupted by a sharp pain in your chest. Grunting, you paused and waited for the annoyingly cocky blonde to catch up with you. 

“Hurt, Didn't it?”

You sucked on your teeth. Was he going to be so goddamn annoying the entire time? You might put everyone out of their misery and smother him before the quirk even has time to run its course. 

You spun on your heel, pressing your index finger to his annoyingly muscled chest. 

“Listen, I know you don’t like me, I don’t know what I did to you but could you try not to be a giant dick for this please” you hissed at him. 

He dragged his tongue across his teeth, peering down at you. The scowl on his face wasn’t promising but you were determined not to break under his gaze. You could give as good as you got and he was going to be perfectly aware of that by the end of this whole thing. 

He folded. 

“Fine.”

“Thank you” you huffed, spinning around again.

This time you tried not to stray too far from him. 

— 

“We’re gonna have to move you to his room”

Your jaw dropped. Bakugou and you had come to Aizawa’s office to try and look for some sort of fix for the situation. Ripping a bite from your sandwich, you clenched your hands behind your back. It was clear that your angry blonde companion wasn’t too happy about this turn of events either - if his smoking palms were any indication.

“What do you mean? There’s a spare room on his floor” you stuttered, “it’s literally right next to him why can’t I stay there?”

Your professor grumbled, leaning forward in his chair. His black hair looked tousled and his eye bags seemed even bigger than usual - something you hadn’t thought possible until this moment. Because you and Bakugou were his students, despite you both being adults, you were still technically under his guidance and that meant he had to deal with the technicalities of the situation you had landed yourself in. 

“It’s not furnished and the bathroom is on the side of Bakugou’s room” he explained, “even if you moved your bed to the back wall you wouldn’t be close enough” 

You gnawed on your lip and waited for your teacher to continue. 

“We don’t know how long this is going to take to sort, it’s not worth moving the entire dorm layout if it’s going to be fixed in the next couple of days”

“What do you mean days?” came a gruff voice from behind you. 

You grimaced as you were reminded of just who your new roomie was. 

“We thought this was a 24-hour deal, sensei” you scrambled to cover for your counterparts rudeness.

Aizawa quirked a brow at you - the closest to amusement you think you’ve seen on him. Shifting on your feet, you decided that avoiding eye contact would be the best idea. 

“We don’t know that, none of the others have seen any progress so you're just going to have to deal with it” Aizawa’s eyes glowed slightly on the last few syllables.

Even though his annoyance wasn’t directed at you, you still shivered under its weight. He was very obviously tired so if Katsuki could just leave it alone, you could finally sort your shit out. 

“Your things are being moved as we speak,” Aizawa grumbled. 

Cringing once again, you nodded at your teacher and removed yourself from the situation, much to your own relief. Usually, you had no problem being a slight annoyance to the man - he had multiple years to get used to you. But you were tired, and so was he, so you would have to save your annoyance for your lovely new best friend. 

“Come on then dumbass, you smell like hospital and it’s making me retch”

You gaped at Bakugou’s comment, dragging your arm up to your face to smell it. By the time you realised he was pulling your leg, the taller boy was halfway to the elevator and dangerously close to 8ft away. 

“Look,” you started, “if this is gonna work, you’re gonna have to slow the fuck down”

You emphasised the last word, slapping your hand on the blonde’s bare shoulder. A zap of electricity travelled up your arm and through your body, leaving that tingly warmth in its place. It flowed through your body like the drip of honey in your veins. The sensation caused you to let out an embarrassing whimper/gasp combination and you felt your face heat up in response to it. 

Katsuki obviously felt it too, his body freezing up under your touch. You saw a shiver travel through his body, seemingly emerging from where your palm laid across his tan skin. A breathy sound escaped his nose. 

You both stood in the hall, frozen in place. 

“Uh,” you forced out, “we should really… um- go to the dorm”

It took Katsuki a second to regain his composure but he eventually returned to his gruff, standoffish self and shrugged your touch off of his skin. Grumbling, he continued down the hall towards what was now your combined bedroom. 

— 

The room was still very distinctly Bakugou. It was fairly plain, blue and grey bed sheets and very few posters. There was some skincare on the desk next to his bed and a fair collection of books tucked neatly into a bookshelf across the room from his bed. There were a few photos hung on the wall. They featured a brunette man with glasses and a woman that looked like an older, female version of the man that stood in the room with you. Bakugou’s parents, you assumed. 

What really surprised you was the simple white plant pot on his window. The little purple flowers were no bigger than an inch in diameter but they seemed perfectly pruned, not a leaf or petal out of place or a sun spot in sight. They added some colour to the room - something it was sorely missing. 

The only thing that really seemed out of place was the camp bed that had been haphazardly set up in the centre of the room. It had your bedsheets on it but there was nothing else indicating it belonged to you. You understood why this couldn't have been done in your room, the girls had a lot more protests to the loudmouth man next to you living in their side of the dorm than the three guys did to having you around. Shouji was nice enough, quiet but that was fine with you. Kirishima was already one of your close friends so it was more of a help than a hindrance to have him around - especially for him to inevitably play mediator between you and your brand new roommate. 

“Are you gonna stand there like an idiot or go shower?” 

You sucked on your teeth. 

“I was taking in my new prison cell, if you must know,” you bit back at him. 

He raised his hands in surrender. 

“Whatever you want princess, you still smell like rubbing alcohol though” 

You rubbed a hand up your arms uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact with the man in front of you. 

“They haven’t brought my clothes over yet”

He stretched his neck to the side, dragging a wide hand down the side of it and groaning. Then, a hand appeared in front of your face. 

“Keys. I’ll get Kirishima to go get your damn clothes” he grumbled. 

You shyly dropped your keys in his hand. Letting him go through your shit didn’t appeal to you too much, but a nice, warm shower certainly did. At this point, you just wanted to crawl into the shitty camp bed and pass out until the sunrise.

Calloused hands grabbed the keys from yours, and then he was gone. You adjusted your jaw, sucking on your tongue to prevent a snarky comment escaping your mouth. Casting your eyes to his open ensuite door, the white of the shower towels glinted in the bedroom light and you felt the sweet promise of cleanliness clear your stress from your shoulders. 

And you were correct. The warm spray of the shower washed away whatever dirt from the fight hadn’t been cleaned off at the hospital and you felt your tense muscles unfurl under your skin. The steam even calmed the thrumming burn under your skin from Bakugou going just over your distance threshold. You didn’t have a wash cloth here yet, but Bakugou at the very least wasn’t a 4-in-1 body wash-shampoo-kitchen-sink kinda guy. Small victories, you supposed.

The knock at the bathroom door came way too quickly for your liking. Leaning out of the shower, you cracked open the door just enough for a tan hand to drop a towel on the floor. 

What a gentleman. 

If you rolled your eyes any more today they were gonna fall out of your head. At least the burning in your chest lessened when he returned to the dorm. It was an odd thing, to find comfort in his presence when he annoyed you so much in every other aspect. Stupid quirk. Huh, finding comfort in Bakugou - maybe a side effect of the quirk was going insane. You mentally wave goodbye to your hero career and let the image of your and Bakugou’s matching padded cells flood your brain. 

The chuckle you let out wasn’t quiet. You bit your lip to stop yourself sounding like a crazy person. There was no need to give Bakugou more ammo than he already had on you. 

“The fuck are you laughing at?”

You bit your lip to stifle a giggle again. This really wasn’t the time for you to start finding stuff funny. 

Wrapping the red towel around yourself, you stepped out of the bathroom - fully expecting a pile of clothes to be waiting for you. 

Instead, it was just Bakugou sitting on the bed. Alone. 

Red eyes danced up your figure, tracing the outline of your waist and hips under the towel wrapped around your body. The red fabric only covered you from your chest to mid thigh and left a sizable amount of both peeking out either end. The water and steam made your skin supple and it seemed to glow under the warm lighting of his room. You felt your face heat up under his watchful eyes and the room seemed to heat up several degrees in the few seconds he had been dragging his eyes up and down your body. 

His lidded eyes finally met yours, peering up at you from between his dark lashes. It felt like they were looking straight through you, into your head and your exact thoughts on the situation. Bakugou shifted, as if to move towards you. 

Knock knock. 

You started, hand gripped your towel tighter against your chest. The noise had knocked you both out of whatever trace you had fallen into and the awkward energy from earlier returned tenfold. 

“Hey dude, I got the clothes you asked for” Kirishima’s enthusiastic voice echoed from behind the thin wood of the door, “I didn’t know what to get so I kinda grabbed a bunch.”

“Leave them by the door”

You furrowed your eyebrows at him as he got up, opening the door and throwing your clothes on the bed where his body had been not ten seconds earlier. Grumbling, he left and slammed the door behind him. 

“Tell me when you’re dressed or whatever.”

And with that, you were alone, wondering what the hell had just happened. 

thank you for reading! if you want to be added to the taglist for the whole series, or just Bakugou's parts lmk <3 reblogs and comments are appreciated

[brofightiscancelled]

they fight so much but despite everything you are name counterparts and childhood best friends. despite everything you are sukodomatsu and at your core you are just two shitty little boys who are brothers and best friends

i like suuji and timber more within the ontological pairs? However I do get it. and theyre the ones that probably represent osomatsu-san best as a thesis. choro and oso are probably the ones that drifted the most apart by growing up. they were the closest as kids and the brattiest most childish of the kids. i feel like a lot of people note that being 1 and 3, they werent bonded by birth order obligations they were literally just best friends!! they were just best friends.

but as adults they fundamentally want different things and it causes them to butt heads literally all the time. oso is the one who wants everything to stay the same the most and choro is the one that wants everything to change the most.

even if choro isnt that much better than the rest of them he still genuinely wants to be at least somewhat independent… even if choro isnt that much better he Wants to be and that's what makes it sad…. the path that takes him away from his best friend is the path he Wants Desperately

(smoke inhalation) and u feel like choro unconsciously doesnt want to be separated from oso either.. he's always berating oso like be better! be a better brother be a better human, so that me getting better doesnt mean i have to leave you behind. "he's the oldest and he should act like it and if he acts like it maybe the rift between us doesn't have to grow so big"

choro constantly bitching that oso is trying to hold him back, oso is constantly trying to bring choro down to his level… but it's because oso wants his bestie back. He wants things to remain the same but he still yearns for back when they were 10 and the little shits of the town…. osomatsu and choromatsu getting up to no good……. stop being so proper, so far away from my world. come be the worst with me again

it's like… to me it's like

suujimatsu was probably a mother-assigned pair but they're inseparable. know everything about each other, affectionate. theyre on the same wavelength they are da worl. jyushi knows when to push past ichi's limits. ichi can understand jyushi like maybe 70% of the time

timbermatsu, beloved spare children that don't really click but were the only ones leftover lol. i feel like they like each other but they dont know anything about each other. between kara's facades/exclusivematsu and todo's tottiness they are strangers to each other, not in the nenchu way but in the constant "i didnt know that about you" "i didnt tell you" way

sukodomatsu chose each other as besties which is why they know everything about each other, derogatory. they get each other. derogatory. they know exactly what makes each other tick, they see the parts of themselves in each other they hate, that's why they can hurt each other so deeply (smoke inhalation)

[y-rhywbeth2]

Still thinking on the overly homogenous appearance of the Underdark races in BG3 (the drow palette being incorrectly applied to everyone, it bugs meee), so here's an overview of the appearances of all four five Underdark counterparts:

Deep Gnome: Skin in rock and earth hues; brown, grey, brownish-grey. AMAB gnomes are completely bald, and AFAB grow dark grey hair, sometimes dark enough to look black. Their eyes are dark grey and black. They're about 3' - 3'6" tall. On average they are very scrawny, with a wiry build that seems to be all sinew and bones - however they do have very high muscle strength and are heavier than they look.

Drow: Dark, desaturated skin (I have read that prolonged sun damage may turn it deep blue and give it a velvet-y look, but I can't find that damn note to quote it). Pale hair; white, silver, blonde, "pale copper". 5'5" is to a dark elf as 6'+ is to us; Height range is 4'7" - 5'5", average male is shorter than average female. Red is the dominant eye colour and has nothing to do with your relationship with Lolth, it's a sign of Ilythiiri heritage, which most drow have. Other eye colours include gray, amber, brown, black, rose-pink and lavender.

Duergar: They're called "grey dwarves" because they're grey. Skin? Grey. Eyes? Grey (sometimes dark enough to look black). Hair? Grey. Although they don't have that much hair to speak of; all duergar are bald, and unlike their surface cousins, AFAB duergar cannot grow beards. Duergar are just less hirsute in general, and personally, I blame the mind flayers. Duergar are less stocky than surface dwarves - they're no less broad, but their general build is "lean and wiry". Height ranges from 3'9" - 4'5" and they weigh the same as the average human adult.

Orog: Underdark orcs*. While technically not appearing in-game, a half-orc Tav or Durge can technically be half-orog, so I'm including them. Also because I like them. Orogs have large ears and very big, eerily pale eyes. Their hair is usually black and their skin is "grayish". They stand from about 5'4" - 7'6", and some orogs have even exceeded eight foot in height.

*You will also see the name "orog" applied to ogre-orc hybrids. There's two types of orogs.

EDIT: Oh, I forgot the humans:

Deep Imaskari: Look like regular humans, but with white skin that looks like marble - literally, it looks like they're carved from marble, texture and all. They stand from about 5'3" - 6' tall. They don't appear in-game either, but what's stopping you from playing one just without the extra stuff they get

The only people who haven't branched off and made an Underdark variant are the halflings, basically.

[jokeson-u]

more thoughts on the original yj pilot + 1x04 scripts since im just getting around to it:

ranked most to least interesting imo:

-VAN BEING DEAD IN THE ADULT TIMELINE???? travis seems to have taken that role in canon

-the part where lottie passes out after natalie shoots all the cans.. hm

-cutting nat and vans established friendship from the pilot (ie more joking together+ the picture of them on top of nats stuff which wouldve been an espically easy shot),, i do have thoughts on why that could be but idk. could relate to why travis and vans adult counterparts swapped original narratives

-i almost feel like they cut jackies line to lottie bc the foreshadowing is lowkey rly strong 😭(idk how i feel about the fact that lottie was originally the one who was 'deadly at beer pong' and not nat?? i lowkey love it, but i wonder why they changed that. maybe just cus it makes more sense for nat? idk)

-taissa being the oldest makes so much sense

-the guy harassing natalie being in his late 20s make the scene extra creepy. and telling. like, it rly isnt just her teammates or her classmates and peers that have shit to say about and to her. its everyone :(

-changing the 'literally his fucking dad' line line from jackie to nat was fitting but interesting. subtle but idk

-i need more pilot lottie bro shes so funny but also.. if they had kept this line in, i absolutely wouldve thought it was foreshadowing something similar

-changing javi's name from cody was a good choice

-natalie being even more enthusiastic about the porn and lottie being even more disgusted by men

-laura lee being described at 'pert, will get on your last nerve' made me laugh

-OMG ALSO THIS PART the image of laura just losing her shit bc she cant finish talking 😭

[kwanisms]

Did You See That? — l.jihoon

«« part one | seventeen masterlist | end.

➮ producer!Jihoon × f!Reader wc: 18.1k (I have no words but I'm not sorry lol) summary: After discovering that Y/N isn’t dead but actually in a coma, Jihoon is determined to get her spirit back into her body. What neither he nor Y/N are prepared for is what happens when she finally does wake up. genres/themes/au: angst, fluff; supernatural themes, ghostly themes; non idol au, ghost au warnings: adult dialogue, mentions of death, alcohol consumption (there’s a lot of wine and I’m not sorry. I’m just that bitch), a lot of angst

special tags: @peachescherryheart @steamingramyun @studiogiblhi @bunnyjaycheoluwu @bri-brithebumblebeee @helloitsai @shez-kindathat-hot1995 @mvltimoon @justasoftstan @wonugyu @vernongyu @babytaes @mysafehaneul @jisooxxi @seodami @burningupp @rubyreduji @sea-gyu @hittwon @seokgyuu @baby-chocolat @my-bias-list-is-ruined @3sriracha @justapotatonow @han-hoshi @johfaam @donotmindmeiamembarrassing @bbsmxlming @stilesbff @lunaryoongi permanent tags: @yoonguurt @wonderfulshinee @candidupped @dejavernon @violagoth @tigermoonbiss @katsukis1wife @luvsooby @thesolarplanetarysystem @salty-for-suga @devilsmatches @dmnspiit @simeonswhore @yangracha @atinypurr @aikyubi @labyrinthonmymind @bintificreads @toxic-babexe @plutoneu @mistlightmoonlight @pristineaugustine @imwhoever join my taglists! Strikethrough means I cannot tag you. MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED. AGELESS BLOGS WILL ALSO BE BLOCKED.

a/n: I am so sorry it took so long to get this done and that y’all have been waiting literal years for this but it’s finally here. The long awaited sequel to Did You Hear That? I hope it lives up to your expectations and that you all enjoy the finale! Thank you so much for reading as always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only.

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“That makes no sense,” you whispered. “If I’m not dead, why am I a ghost?”

Jihoon shrugged his shoulders. “I can’t answer that either. I have no idea how any of this works but Jihyo said you aren’t dead. You’re in a coma.” 

You stared at Jihoon for a few moments before looking away, your mind spinning with this revelation. If your old roommate said it was the truth, who were you to deny it?

Clearing your throat, you turned to look at Jihoon. "If I'm in a coma," you started, your voice soft. "Can you… I don't know, go see my body?" You cringed after asking the question. It sounded completely ridiculous.

Jihoon nodded silently. "I think I can do that," he answered, his voice equally as soft as yours. Your eyes widened, lips parting in a small O. "I'll go tomorrow," he added. You felt a rush surge through your body, almost like electricity. To say you were excited would be an understatement.

The next morning, Jihoon got up and headed into the kitchen to make his morning coffee. You had been sitting outside on the balcony, watching the sunrise. If Jihoon and Jihyo were right and you weren't dead, then that changed everything. 

It meant your body was out there somewhere and you needed to find your way back to it.

The sound of the sliding door caught your attention and you turned to see Jihoon peering out onto the balcony. "Y/N?" he asked softly. You shifted into his view and felt the same feeling of electricity surge through your body when he smiled.

"Hey," he said softly as he stepped onto the balcony, sliding the door shut behind him. "Hey," you repeated as he took a seat. You watched as he took a sip of his coffee. "I miss that," you admitted as he lowered his cup. Jihoon glanced down at the black liquid in his mug and smiled sheepishly. "I'm sure there's a lot you miss," he replied, eyes shifting back to you.

A small chuckle escaped you as you looked out into the sun rising over the city. "Yeah," you replied, holding back tears. "So," you said, inhaling deeply and turning to face Jihoon. "When are you going to the hospital?" you asked, hoping to change the subject and turn the focus away from the fact you almost started crying.

"In a few hours. Jihyo said she'll meet me there and take me up there. She has a class this morning," he said before taking another sip of coffee. You nodded silently, unsure of how to respond. "Since we're up," Jihoon added. "You wanna just hang out?" he asked. "Just… talk?" he added. You smiled shyly before nodding.

"Yeah," you replied. "I'd like that."

The two of you sat on the balcony, the sun rising in the distance, bathing your little sanctuary in sunlight. You missed the warmth from the sun and looked up sadly at it. Jihoon noticed and wanted desperately to reach out and take your hand, to comfort you.

"You miss it, don't you?" he asked.

You nodded. "I miss a lot of things," you repeated his words from earlier. Jihoon nodded, taking a final gulp of his cooled down coffee. "What else do you miss?" he asked as he set the mug aside, pulling the blanket from the living room further around his body.

"Truthfully?" you asked before looking at him. "I miss a lot. I miss sleeping, I miss petting dogs and cats, I miss cooking and eating, I miss taking baths," you admitted, not looking at Jihoon as you listed off the things you missed about being in your body. "Anything else?" Jihoon asked, tilting his head. You nodded silently.

"I miss being held," you answered quietly. "I miss… being kissed," you added in an even quieter voice. You saw Jihoon’s ears turn pink but chose to ignore it. "I can't imagine spending so much time without being touched," he replied. "That sounds awful," he added.

You nodded. "It's been tough," you admitted. "Especially now," you started before trailing off. Jihoon’s eyes flickered up to meet yours and you knew that he knew what you were going to say. You could see in his eyes that he wanted the same thing. A few silent moments passed before your unspoken bond was broken by the ringing of Jihoon's phone. He pulled the device out and glanced down at it. "Oh, it's Jihyo," he said and answered.

"Hello?" 

You watched with curious eyes as he listened to what your roommate had to say. "Alright," he replied. 

"Sounds good. I'll be there soon." 

Jihoon sat upright, saying goodbye and hung up, placing his phone back into his pocket. "She's out of class," he explained. "I'm going to go meet her at the hospital."

You sighed as he stood up, grabbing the blanket and moving towards the door. "I wish I could go with you," you said, looking out at the city. Jihoon grimaced, uncertain of what to say. "I'll be back soon," he finally replied. When you didn't respond, he decided to let you be and stepped into the apartment, sliding the door shut behind him. 

In the kitchen, Seungcheol was sipping on some coffee while he made some eggs, Soonyoung sat at the island, scrolling through his phone. Both men looked up at him as he entered. "Is Y/N outside?" Soonyoung asked. Jihoon nodded. "But it's best to leave her alone right now," he added as he set the blanket on the couch.

"Where are you going?" Seungcheol asked as Jihoon set his mug in the sink and turned to grab his keys and walked over to the front door. "I'm going to meet Jihyo, (Y/N)'s old roommate," he said as he opened the closet and grabbed his coat. "Are you going to the hospital?" Soonyoung asked. Jihoon nodded. "Yeah," he replied. "Where her…” he trailed off, glancing out the window to the balcony. “…body is?" Seungcheol asked softly. Jihoon nodded again. 

"I'll keep you guys updated," he added.

Neither one said anything as they watched Jihoon slip on his shoes and exit the apartment. Once the door shut behind him, Soonyoung and Seungcheol exchanged glances before they both looked out the sliding glass door at your silhouette sitting out there.

Jihoon pressed the elevator button, zoning out as he waited for the lift to arrive. His thoughts swirled in his mind as he wondered how, if at all, he could get you to wake up. He thought if he could get you to wake up, maybe you could slowly get back to your life and if you could get back to some semblance of normalcy, then perhaps there was a chance for the two of you.

He stepped onto the lift when it arrived and pressed the button for the lobby. The ride down was quick as he followed autopilot, walking into the parking garage and to his car. He wasn't sure how he functioned on autopilot but it seemed to take no time to get from his apartment to the hospital. Almost as soon as he left the apartment, it felt like he was pulling into a parking space at the hospital.

He parked and turned off the car before pulling out his phone and sending a text to Jihyo that he was at the hospital. He sat for a moment, waiting for a response. He was glancing at his reflection in the rear view mirror when he felt his phone vibrate.

Seo Jihyo: I'm in the lobby in a long tan coat

Jihoon got out of his car and made his way towards the main entrance of the hospital. Following the automatic spinning door in, he saw a tall slender woman with shoulder length black hair, soft features, and wide, doe-like eyes. She was wearing black ankle length pants, a cream turtleneck sweater and… a long tan coat. 

Jihoon walked over slowly. The woman made eye contact and watched as he approached. 

"Jihyo?" he asked. She nodded, looking him up and down. "Jihoon, I presume?" she replied to which he nodded. She bowed politely, a gesture Jihoon returned. "It's so nice to meet you, " he said. Jihyo smiled at him, flashing a set of brilliant white teeth. “Likewise,” she said, before motioning for him to follow her.

They walked through the lobby, greeting the receptionist behind the front desk as they headed for the elevators. Jihyo pressed the button, returning her hands to her pockets and watching the floor indicator countdown. “She’s up in the coma ward,” Jihyo started to explain.

“She’s been there since the… accident.”

Judging by the look on her face, Jihoon could assume she didn’t like to talk about the accident or what happened to her friend. He didn’t blame her one bit. If something traumatic happened to Seungcheol or Soonyoung, he wasn’t sure he’d want to speak about it either. Glancing up at Jihyo’s face, Jihoon tried not to stare at Jihyo but he couldn't help but notice how pretty she was.

But he still thought you were prettier. 

The doors opened, allowing the two to step inside. The doors shut behind them and the lift began moving immediately. "So,” Jihoon started, clearing his throat. “Do you come here often?" Jihoon asked. Jihyo nodded. "As often as I can,” she answered. “It’s difficult sometimes as I'm working on my master's degree but I like to come here and read to her," she admitted. Jihoon smiled. 

"What do you normally read to her?" he asked. Jihyo returned the smile. "Usually poems,” Jihyo replied, a dreamy tone in her voice. “She really likes romantic poems.” Jihoon tried not to chuckle as Jihyo talked. It sounded just like you. At least the you that he had come to know. “Has she always been a romantic?” he asked suddenly, catching Jihyo by surprise.

“Uhm,” Jihyo hummed, nibbling on her bottom lip. “She’s never mentioned it before but she’s always been a huge fan of romantic stories. Books, movies, poems. She loves all of it,” she continued. “So I guess you could say she is a bit of a romantic.”

Jihoon nodded, glancing up at the number indicator inside the lift as it counted up.

“What else do you read to her?” he asked softly.

Jihyo paused, looking deep in thought but answered him nonetheless. “Mostly just the poems,” she replied. “But sometimes I'll read the news. She doesn't seem to like that as much," she said with a chuckle. Jihoon joined in as the elevator reached the tenth floor. The doors opened and the two of them stepped out, Jihoon following Jihyo out of the lift and through the hallways. She stopped at a desk where a nurse sat behind.

The nurse looked up and smiled at Jihyo, seeming to recognize her. She then looked at Jihoon. "This is my cousin," Jihyo said, gesturing at Jihoon. "He's been out of town but wanted to come see Y/N. They used to go to school together," she explained. 

The nurse nodded and asked for Jihoon's ID. He handed it over and waited while she made a copy. She then printed a visitor pass for him and gave that to him along with his ID. Jihoon thanked her and put on the pass, following Jihyo through the door after it buzzed open.

Jihoon followed Jihyo down the corridor, keeping on her heels. “You don’t get a visitor’s pass?” he asked softly as they strolled down the hallway passing nurses and doctors as they went. Jihyo shook her head, showing him a different kind of pass. It was laminated and on a lanyard. “I have a permanent pass,” she explained. “Y/N’s parents asked since they don’t live in the city and I’m almost like a daughter to them,” she continued. 

“They made a special exception based on the circumstances. Here we are,” she said suddenly as they approached a room in the corner. Jihoon felt his chest tighten. He wasn’t sure how he would feel on his way here but now that he was here, it felt surreal. He wasn’t sure if he was ready.

Whether he was ready or not didn’t matter as Jihyo opened the door and peered in. “Come on,” she whispered, leading the way in, allowing Jihoon to catch the door before it shut behind her. He followed her in, noticing two nurses. One was checking the monitors while the other was writing notes.

The two smiled as Jihyo and Jihoon entered the room. "We were just finishing up," one of the nurses said, scribbling hastily on his clipboard. "I already read the news to her," he added. "She definitely did not like it," he said as he moved to walk past them, offering Jihyo a wink.

Jihyo chuckled and moved around to sit beside the bed. Jihoon watched as Jihyo took your hand gentle, holding it between hers as she looked at you. The second nurse excused herself and left the room, shutting the door behind her. Jihoon stared in awe at the body lying in the bed. There was no doubt about it. It was definitely you.

He took note of how peaceful you looked. Like you were in a deep sleep. 

There were all kinds of wires connected to you and it shocked him how similar it seemed to any of the doctor shows he’d seen on TV. An IV was attached to your arm, running across the linens and up to a bag with clear fluid, hanging from a stand by the head of your bed. 

There was also a tube down your throat and a smaller breathing tube taped under your nose. He felt his heart clench at the sight. Despite how jarring it looked, you still looked so beautiful. The slow rise and fall of your chest as the machine helped you breathe.

Jihoon moved slowly and stared down at you. He was tempted to reach out and take your hand or stroke your cheek but he refrained from doing so. Instead, he sat down across from Jihyo. She watched him as he watched you. She could see the recognition pass over his features. He knew you somehow, there was no denying it. Jihyo glanced at your form, blinking back tears.

"How long has she been asleep?" Jihoon asked suddenly. Jihyo blinked more tears away as she composed herself. "Almost a year," she said, her voice wavering. Jihoon glanced over at her. He couldn't imagine seeing your best friend like this. He didn't even want to imagine something like this happening to Seungcheol or Soonyoung.

He cleared his throat, the sound louder in the empty room.

"And has there been any improvement?" he asked. Jihyo nodded. "They’ve noticed that in the last couple months, her brain activity has spiked on several occasions. The doctors said it could be her trying to wake up but they said not to get our hopes up," Jihyo answered. Jihoon frowned. "Why?" he asked. Jihyo sighed heavily.

"Basically, they said as quickly as she's been improving, she could decline just as fast," Jihyo replied, sniffling slightly. Jihoon glanced from your face to Jihyo. He felt for her, he really did. He looked back at you. "I hope that's not the case," he said softly. Jihyo nodded. "I hope so too," she stated.

Silence fell over the two as they watched your sleeping form.

You sat on the balcony, peering over the railing at the busy streets below. You sighed heavily and strained your ears, hearing voices in the distance. You blinked slowly, still staring at the lively city streets.

The voices in the distance started to grow louder. You lifted your head and tried to focus on the voices. You couldn't tell where they were coming from at first. They weren't drifting from the street below nor were they coming from another apartment. You glanced behind you to see if the boys were watching TV but they weren't.

You then realized the voices were coming from inside your head.

"How long has she been asleep?" you heard a familiar voice ask. 'Jihoon?' you wondered. "Almost a year," another familiar voice replied. You sat up, looking around quickly. "Jihyo?" you whispered. You got to your feet and walked back into the apartment, sliding through the door. "And has there been any improvement?" you heard Jihoon's voice ask.

'He must be in my hospital room!' you thought to yourself. "They’ve noticed that in the last couple months, her brain activity has spiked on several occasions. The doctors said it could be her trying to wake up but they said not to get our hopes up," Jihyo answered, her voice echoing in your head. "Why?" Jihoon asked. 'Yeah, why?' you thought as you listened to the conversation, starting to feel dizzy.

"Basically, they said as quickly as she's been improving, she could decline just as fast," Jihyo replied. You could hear her sniffling slightly. It was a moment before Jihoon responded. "I hope that's not the case," he said softly. Your vision started to grow dark as you stood still in the front room. You saw at the edge of your vision, Soonyoung walking toward you. He was speaking but you couldn't hear him. He stopped just before you. You saw his lips moving, repeating your name, trying to get your attention.

Jihyo's voice in your head spoke. "I hope so too," she said. Your vision went black with your head swimming.

Soonyoung had just walked into the room, seeing you standing in the living room. He watched as your head moved as if looking around but your eyes were unfocused, blinking rapidly. He walked over slowly. "(Y/N)?" he asked softly. You didn't respond, but your eyes started rolling around in your head. You continued to look around as if trying to find something. "(Y/N), are you alright?" Soonyoung asked.

He repeated your name a few more times, Seungcheol walking into the room behind him. "Is she okay?" he asked. Soonyoung glanced over his shoulder and shrugged. "I don't know," he admitted. He turned back to you. "Y/N, are you okay?!" Soonyoung asked again but you didn't respond. Instead, your eyes rolled back into your head and your image shook visibly until you just vanished.

Soonyoung and Seungcheol both shouted in shock, looking around frantically. "What the fuck was that?" Seungcheol asked. Soonyoung shook his head, turning to look at his roommate. "I have no idea!" he answered. "I'm gonna call Jihoon," he said, pulling his phone out, and dialing his friend's number.

Jihoon felt his phone vibrate and quickly pulled it out of his pocket, checking the screen.  Soonyoung was calling him. Jihoon glanced up at Jihyo who gave him a curious look. "I-I’m sorry,” he stammered, looking up from the device. “I need to take this. I'll be right back," he said, getting to his feet. Jihyo nodded, gesturing for him to do as he needed. Jihoon thanked her and stepped out of the room, answering the call. 

"What is it, Soonyoung?"

Soonyoung started talking immediately, his voice loud in the receiver but Jihoon couldn't discern what his friend was saying. "Soonyoung, you need to calm down," Jihoon said softly. He plugged his free ear, trying to hear his friend better. "Explain that to me again," he added. 

He heard Soonyoung shush Seungcheol in the background.

"Something’s happened to (Y/N)," Soonyoung started again. 

Jihoon felt his heart drop into his stomach. 

"What?" he asked. "What do you mean?" 

He heard Soonyoung shush Seungcheol again. "I don't know but I walked into the living room and she was standing there, her eyes were going all crazy. It looked like she was having a seizure but I know that's not possible," he explained.

Jihoon could feel his heart start to race and his breathing quicken. "Alright," he finally said. "I'll be there as soon as I can," he answered. He said goodbye and hung up before returning to your room where Jihyo was waiting patiently. Jihoon walked over to your bed and grabbed his coat. "There's an emergency at home," he explained. Jihyo nodded understandingly.

"Would it be alright if I came back tomorrow?" Jihoon asked. "I have another day off and maybe I could try to wake her up?" he added. Jihyo gave him a small smile. "I have classes all day but it should be fine," she said with a nod. Jihoon gave her a thankful smile.

"Thank you," he answered. "I'll come back tomorrow morning," he stated. Jihoon exited the room and made his way to the waiting room, giving his pass back to the nurse behind the desk and headed for the elevator, pressing the down button.

Once on the lift, Jihoon pulled on his coat and waited for the elevator to reach the lobby. He headed out of the hospital once the doors opened and headed out to his waiting car. He got into the driver's seat, buckling his seat belt and starting the engine.

He wondered what could have happened to make you disappear like that. Was it your body pulling you back? Trying to wake you up?

Once he pulled out of the space, he pulled onto the street and made the drive back to the apartment. 

In record time, Jihoon was pulling into his parking space and headed into the building. He nodded a silent greeting to the concierge desk, heading to the elevator and pressing the call button. The doors opened quickly and Jihoon stepped inside and pressed the button for his floor.

The ride up was quick and uneventful and soon he was walking up to the front door of his shared apartment. He unlocked the door with the keycode and pulled the door open, stepping inside. Soonyoung and Seungcheol were searching the apartment frantically as he slipped off his shoes and coat. "Okay," Jihoon said as he walked further into the apartment. "Tell me what happened again."

Ten minutes later, he sat on the couch blinking as he tried to process the story Soonyoung told him. He glanced from Soonyoung to Seungcheol. "And you haven't seen her since?" he asked. The both of them nodded quickly. Jihoon sighed and leaned back against the couch, thinking deeply. 

“What do we do?” Soonyoung asked, glancing from Seungcheol to Jihoon.

"Let’s give her some time and let her come back to us on her own," Jihoon said after giving it some thought. “Maybe she was feeling overwhelmed? It might have something to do with her brain activity spiking at the hospital,” Jihoon explained. “We can’t know for sure until she reappears.”

‘If she reappears.’

Soonyoung nodded slowly. “Okay,” he replied, leaning back in his seat while Seungcheol looked deep in thought. “She will come back, right?” Soonyoung asked suddenly. Jihoon shrugged lightly, shaking his head as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. “I don’t know,” he answered.

“I don’t know.”

A few hours had gone by and Jihoon was sitting at his desk, working on a new project. One he’d started last week. His head bobbed slightly as he listened to the beat he was working on when he heard another sound over the music. He turned and looked behind him, nearly jumping out of his chair when he saw you standing behind him.

Pressing pause and pulling his headphones off, Jihoon stood quickly as you looked up at him. "Are you okay?" he asked. You looked around, confused as to how you ended up in his room. The last thing you remembered was standing in the living room before blacking out. Jihoon sat on the edge of his bed and patted the spot beside him. You sat down next to him.

"What happened?" he asked. You shook your head. "I-I don't know," you stammered. "Explain what you experienced. What do you remember?" he added. After collecting your thoughts, you started to explain about hearing his and Jihyo's voices and how you were standing in the living room and blacked out and then came to and was standing in his room. 

Jihoon listened intently until you finished. When you were done, he explained what Soonyoung had told him. You listened in horror as he told you Soonyoung and Seungcheol's side of the story. "Oh my god," you whispered, mortified. "That must have been terrifying for them," you admitted. Jihoon shrugged but you remembered what he had gone to do that morning.

"Wait,” you said, perking up. “How did it go at the hospital?" you asked. 

Jihoon sat up a little straighter. "It, uh.. It went well. I'm actually going back tomorrow," he replied. 

"Tomorrow?" you asked, tilting your head. "Why?" 

Jihoon reached up, scratching the back of his neck. "Well, I'm gonna try to wake you up," he admitted nonchalantly. You felt a smile spread across your face. 

"Really?" you asked excitedly. Jihoon nodded, returning the smile. "I'm not really sure what I could do, but I'm gonna try," he said with a shrug. You smiled wider. "I hope it works," you said softly. "Me too," Jihoon replied. You sat on the edge of Jihoon's bed as he slept. You smiled, watching his peaceful expression, wishing desperately to be able to reach out and touch him. You let out a soft sigh.

'Soon.'

The next morning, Jihoon got up and downed his coffee and a quick breakfast. You sat with him, talking about what happened the previous day. When he finished, he rinsed his plate and put it in the dishwasher. He turned to clean the counter before walking over to the door, pulling on his coat and slipping his shoes on. 

You walked over, leaning against the wall and crossing your arms over your chest. Jihoon glanced back at you, giving you a warm smile, one which you returned. “Hey,” he said softly, glancing down. “If I succeed in waking you up," Jihoon said softly. "I just want you to know that," he added, trailing off softly. You stared at him curiously.

Jihoon looked up from the floor, taking a deep breath. 

"I just want you to know that I love you," he admitted, his cheeks turning pink. 

You bit your bottom lip, trying to fight a huge grin threatening to spread across your face. "Really?" you asked breathlessly. Jihoon nodded quickly. You couldn't stop the smile from spreading this time. "I love you, too," you whispered. It was Jihoon's turn to smile.

"If I could touch you, I'd kiss you right now," he said softly. You giggled and waved your hand at him, shooing him away. "Well then, go, wake me up and you'll be able to kiss me a lot sooner!" you squeaked. Jihoon laughed and pushed open the door, stepping out into the hall and making his way down to the lobby as quickly as the lift would allow.

The drive to the hospital seemed to fly by and soon he was stepping off the elevator and greeting the nurse behind the desk. She handed him a visitor pass after checking his ID and buzzed him through the door. Jihoon made his way down the hall towards your room.

He entered, shutting the door behind him and peered at your still form, smiling as he took a seat beside your bed. He shrugged his coat off and leaned forward, resting his forearms on your bed.

"Hey, Y/N," he said softly. I hope you can hear me."

You had just stepped out onto the balcony when you heard a whisper in your head. "Jihoon must be there," you whispered to yourself as you took a seat. You stared out, watching the sun rise.

"You've been asleep for so long, it's time to wake up," Jihoon whispered, moving his hand to place it softly over yours. Feeling your hand under his was unreal, something he never expected to feel. He glanced up at your face, watching for any sign.

You felt your hand tingle and glanced down at it. "What the hell?" you whispered. 'Is he… holding my hand?' you wondered.

Jihoon gently stroked the back of your hand with his thumb, speaking softly as he tried to bring you back. "Please wake up, baby," he whispered. "Wake up so you can leave this place." 

You enjoyed the feeling in your hand, knowing Jihoon was holding your hand. You heard his voice again, your eyes fluttering shut as you focused on his voice. "Please wake up, baby." You smiled when he called you baby, feeling a warm sensation throughout your body.

"I want to come back," you whispered. You felt a whooshing feeling, a rush surge through you, the sounds of the city fading away, replaced with a soft beeping. "Y/N?" you heard Jihoon's voice clearly and your eyes snapped open. You were sitting across from him, his eyes were wide open. 

You looked down and saw your body lying between you. Your eyes widened and your lips parted in shock. You were seeing your body for the first time in what felt like years. Looking back up at Jihoon, his look of shock morphed into delight. "You're so close!" he whispered. You looked back down at your body.

He was right. Your body was right here. All you had to do was figure out how to get your soul back inside your body and wake up. But you had no idea where to begin.

You looked back up at Jihoon. "I have no idea what to do," you said softly. "Try touching your body?" Jihoon asked. You nodded and looked back at your body, reaching out slowly, you touched your hand, shutting your eyes but nothing happened.

Opening your eyes, you were still standing beside your bed, your hand passing through your body, Jihoon watching you closely. You let out a sigh, disappointed. Jihoon visibly slumped. 

"Wh-what am I supposed to do?"  you whined. Jihoon shook his head. "I'm not sure," he whispered. The two of you stayed silent as you mulled over what you could try to reunite with your comatose body.

Minutes ticked by while you watched Jihoon as he held your hand, still watching your sleeping expression. The only sounds that could be heard were the beeping of your monitor and the breathing machine. He let out a sigh, his breath fanning over your comatose arm, causing a tingle to run up your arm. "This is so frustrating," you whined, taking a seat. Jihoon glanced at you, a grimace on his face.

"I wish I could help," he said softly. "Maybe try touching my face or something?" you asked. Jihoon nodded and leaned forward. His fingers brushed against your face as he cupped your cheek, his thumb stroking the skin lovingly. "Anything?" he asked, glancing up at you. You shook your head in response.

Jihoon let out a sigh and stared at your sleeping face. It was a moment before he spoke again. 

"I'm gonna try something, but I need you to look away. I can't do it with you watching." You gave him a curious look. "Please just trust me," he said. You stood up and turned away slowly, moving behind the curtain.

Jihoon stood up, taking a deep breath and letting out before leaning over slowly. He placed his hand on your cheek, checking your eyes before leaning in closer. He hesitated for a moment before pressing his lips to your forehead.

You stood behind the curtain, waiting for something to happen, anything at this point. You suddenly felt a tingle in your cheek and wondered what Jihoon was doing when you felt your forehead tingle. Your eyes widened when you realized what he was doing.

Was… was he kissing you.

A surge of emotion and electricity flowed through you. The monitor in the room started beeping faster. Your heart was starting to race. The tingling spread throughout your body. You tried to move but you couldn't. Your head was growing more and more dizzy until your vision grew dark.

Jihoon pulled back as your heart monitor started to beep faster and faster. He stood up and glanced at it. After a moment, he glanced down and saw your eyes start to flutter open. “Oh my god,” he breathed.

Scrambling past the chair he’d been sitting on, he rushed to the door, yanking it open, and looked into the hallway. 

"Nurse!" he called out. “She’s waking up!”

A nurse hurried over and followed him into the room. She came in to check your vitals. "Oh my god," she whispered as you were slowly starting to rouse. She hurried to the door and called for a doctor as a couple more nurses came in. 

You started to gag against the tube in your throat. “Y/N,” the doctor said as he came in quickly. “I need you to stay still for me,” he continued, walking over to your side as the nurses tried to hold you still as you fought against the tube. “You’ve been in a coma for ten months. You have a tube down your throat.”

Jihoon could see your eyes widening, tears filling the bottom of your lash line.

“We’re going to remove the tube, but you need to calm down and be still for me.”

You started to stop moving. “Very good,” the doctor said calmly. 

One of the nurses noticed Jihoon still standing there and walked over, gently taking his arm. "You'll need to leave," she said. “We’ll call you back in when we’ve had a chance to look over her,” she added with a gentle smile. Jihoon nodded. "Can I just stand outside?" he asked. The nurse nodded and Jihoon thanked her, stepping out into the hallway.

He paced slowly while the doctor and nurses worked. He pulled his phone out to text Soonyoung and Seungcheol, telling them you were waking up.

Soon: oh my god! Tell me this isn’t a joke!

Cheol: when was the last time Hoon told a joke?

Cheol: and why would he joke about this of all things?

Cheol: come on Soon, use your brain, I know it’s there

Soon: 😤

Jihoon: they’re gonna call me back in when they’re done

As he was typing another message, his phone started ringing. The screen displayed Jihyo’s name. He answered it with a quick "hello?"

Jihyo spoke quickly. She sounded out of breath. 

"What’s going on?! I just got a call that Y/N is waking up?!" she asked. 

Jihoon let out a huff. "Yeah. I uh… I don’t know what happened or how but she just woke up. The nurses and doctors are in there right now. They're taking the tube out of her throat," he said. He heard Jihyo sob softly. "Okay, uhm," she said in a wavering voice. "I-I'm on my way now."

Jihoon nodded.”Okay,” he answered. “See you soon,” he added before hanging up. 

The wait was excruciating while the nurses and doctor worked on you. All he could think about was how you were now awake. After ten months. Almost a year after your accident. You were finally awake. He let out an incredulous scoff, covering his mouth with his hand as he tried not to break down right then.

He couldn’t wrap his head around it. You were awake.

About 20 minutes later, Jihoon heard footsteps rushing down the hall and looked up to see Jihyo had arrived and was walking briskly down the hall towards him. 

"How is she?" she asked as soon as she was in earshot. Jihoon was about to answer when the door opened and the doctor followed the nurses out. Jihyo rushed forward. "What's going on? How is she?" she asked. The doctor gave her a faint smile.

"Your friend is awake. We took her off the breathing machine and her vitals look good. We’re going to do some more blood work but you can go in for now," he answered. Jihyo thanked him and hurried into the room, Jihoon following closely behind her. Jihyo took a seat beside you while Jihoon stood near the door, smiling as he watched you give your friend a weary smile. 

Jihyo who had tears streaming down her cheeks, smiled back.

"I thought you'd never wake up again," Jihyo sobbed, taking your hand tightly in hers. You reached up and placed your hand over hers. "Well,” you whispered, your voice extremely hoarse. “I'm here now."

Jihyo let out a sound that seemed to be a mix between a laugh and a sob, tears still streaming down her face. “You’re not allowed to use the stairs ever again,” Jihyo said sternly, making you laugh which turned into a cough. As if on cue, a nurse appeared with a cup of ice water, a bendable straw poking out the lid.

“Thought you might be thirsty,” the nurse said as he moved to place the water on the table but instead handed it to Jihyo when she held out her hand for it. “I’ll make sure she drinks it,” she said, voice wavering. “I’m not going anywhere.” The nurse smiled and exited the room, nodding once at Jihoon who returned the gesture before turning his attention back to you and Jihyo.

You took several long sips of water, swallowing thickly as you got the liquid into you. “God that tastes amazing,” you said weakly as Jihyo set the cup on the bedside table. You suddenly glanced over at Jihoon, eyes wide before looking back at Jihyo. 

"Do you recognize this man?" Jihyo asked. You looked back at Jihoon, brow furrowed as you looked over him. You turned to look at Jihyo, silently shaking your head. Jihoon felt his stomach sink as he watched the exchange. ‘Oh no,’ he thought. ‘Please no.’

"No," you finally whispered. "Who is he?"

Jihoon felt like he'd been stabbed in the heart but did his best not to show it. Jihyo glanced at him, her eyes apologetic. "I'll uh… give you two some privacy," Jihoon whispered, backing towards the door. Jihyo noticed and  stood quickly, telling you she'd be right back. She hurried after Jihoon as he left the room.

"Hey,” she said, grabbing his arm and turning him towards her. “I’ll take care of it,” she added.

“Take… care of it? How?” he said with a scoff. The woman he’d fallen in love with didn’t recognize him. She had no idea who he was. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. She was supposed to wake up and then everything would be just fine.

“I'll explain everything to her when she's fully conscious," Jihyo explained, pulling him from his thoughts. 

Jihoon forced a smile. “You don’t have to,” he said softly. “If she doesn’t know who I am, it’s fine. At least she’s awake now, right?” Jihoon turned to leave but Jihyo grabbed his wrist gently. “I’ll keep you updated,” she said softly before letting go.

Jihoon nodded wordlessly and made his way down the corridor, returning his pass and heading for the elevator to head down to the lobby. He was silent the entire time, keeping his eyes forward and trying not to think, not to break down. The doors opened with a ding and he stepped onto the thankfully empty elevator.

When the doors shut behind him is when he lost his composure, slowly sliding down the wall and ducking his head as a soft sob ripped through his chest. 

He hadn't expected you to not recognize him and now he didn't know if you would ever recognize him.

---------------------

The drive home was silent. Jihoon hadn't bothered with the radio, preferring the silence. He pulled into his usual parking space, cutting the engine and sitting in the now completely silent car. He stared at the steering wheel, his mind blank before he sighed and leaned forward, resting his forehead against the leather.

His thoughts and emotions came rushing back to him, the corners of his eyes burning, tears threatening to spill. He figured he’d better let it all out now before he went back inside to tell Seungcheol and Soonyoung the news.

He opened his eyes, staring blankly at his jeans, hot tears flowing freely as he let himself be vulnerable in the comfort and privacy of his car. If he had done this in the apartment, he’d never hear the end of it. At least in the car, no one knew.

He allowed the gravity of the situation to finally wash over him. You didn’t know him. You didn’t recognize him. Like the last several months hadn’t happened. Jihyo had promised to handle it. To take on the task of explaining everything to you but Jihoon didn’t feel the least bit hopeful.

How could he? When he knew it was useless. Whatever had happened while your soul was outside your body hadn’t transferred over. The late night talks, the jokes, the accidental summoning, the morning conversations on the balcony, the notes back and forth on post-its, all of it. It seemed he would be the only one to remember it all.

His eyes widened as another revelation hit him, fresh tears spilling down his face, staining his cheeks.

Your voice, soft and almost distant in his memory. “I love you, too.”

You’d never remember the confession this morning. How you reciprocate his feelings. Then another voice, his own, spoke in his mind. “No matter what happens, I just want you to know I love you.”

A soft smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. He needed to keep that promise alive. He’d love you no matter what. No matter the outcome. He had to hold onto that. Even if he felt hopeless you’d never remember. He could remember for the both of you.

He would remember.

Dragging his feet, Jihoon found himself outside the apartment door, not remembering the walk here nor getting on the elevator. He’d blocked it all out. Taking a deep breath he resolved himself to opening the door and let himself in rather than turning around and running away, never to be seen again.

Inside the apartment felt different. It felt… empty. Your presence was gone entirely. The warm feeling Jihoon felt upon entering in the past was gone, replaced with a cold, uninviting space. The way a home felt when there was no longer any life or joy in it. And it was true.

With you gone, there was no longer any life or joy in the home. Not for Jihoon.

He silently made his way through the apartment, trudging down the hall like the weight of a million worries and thoughts had all piled on top of him. He reached his room and looked inside. It too felt cold and empty. He sighed heavily, stepping into the room and shutting his door to the hall.

Cutting himself off from the rest of the apartment. He needed to be alone. He couldn’t cope with it all at the moment. He needed solitude. He let his bag drop to the floor with a heavy thud, dropping into his chair at his desk and staring blankly at the wooden surface. He didn’t know what to do with himself. Usually he’d throw himself into his work to avoid these situations.

To take his mind off it all but now… he feared not even work would be enough to distract him.

What was he going to do now?

When Soonyoung finally arrived home, it was dark and seemingly empty. It had felt the same since that morning when your soul had disappeared from the balcony, taking all the warmth with it. He’d decided to leave, spending the day at the park and out running errands to distract himself from the weird feeling of the apartment. Seungcheol had left shortly after Jihoon but hadn’t returned home either.

Turning on the kitchen lights over the island, Soonyoung shrugged off his coat and set it on the back of the nearest stool, setting a black plastic bag on the counter. He’d stopped to grab some chicken and beer, hoping the familiarity of the food would bring back some of that warm homey feel.

He wandered through the apartment in search of someone to share his meal with, not wanting to eat alone. He continued down the hall, noticing Jihoon’s door was shut. ‘I’m sure he left that open when he left this morning,’ Soonyoung told himself as he walked towards the door.

He raised his fist, knocking softly three times.

There was no answer. He tried again, straining his ears for any sound on the other side of the wood.

“Go away,” said a muffled voice. Soonyoung perked up, having found someone else home.

“I brought chicken and beer,” Soonyoung said through the door. “I don’t want to eat alone,” he added.

“Please don’t make me eat alone.”

He heard a shuffle on the other side and the door opened, revealing Jihoon. He had dark circles under his eyes which were red and his hair was tousled, no doubt having been in bed. Soonyoung had half a mind to ask what happened, his mind jumping to conclusions at the state of Jihoon’s appearance.

“She’s not…” he whispered, causing Jihoon to look up at him. He shook his head. “She’s fine,” he answered, voice hoarse. “She’s awake.” Soonyoung’s eyes widened. “What?” he whispered. Jihoon shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” he added. “Where’s the beer?”

Soonyoung nodded down the hall towards the living area. Jihoon ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to tame the locks before stepping out of his room, shutting the door behind him. Soonyoung followed as Jihoon trekked down the hall sluggishly.

He walked around the kitchen island to open the plastic bag and produced the beer. Jihoon grabbed one and popped it open, taking a drink immediately as Soonyoung unpackaged the chicken. “Will you tell me what happened tomorrow?” Soonyoung asked as Jihoon took another sip.

He nodded silently. “But not tonight,” he replied in a soft voice. Soonyoung knew better than to pry but he also knew Jihoon really well. Well enough to know that the younger man had been crying for probably most of the day. Soonyoung reached across the kitchen island, grabbing the can of beer from Jihoon and pulled it away. He then grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and set it in front of his friend.

“Drink the water first,” Soonyoung said, nodding towards the bottle. “Then you can have your beer.”

Jihoon unscrewed the cap of the bottle, glaring at Soonyoung as he did so. Satisfied when his friend downed half the bottle, Soonyoung returned the can and started opening the chicken containers.

The front door opened and both men looked up as Seungcheol arrived, struggling to keep the door open as he stumbled in, flecks of white littering his coat and hair. “It’s snowing!” he exclaimed as he looked up and saw both staring at him. In one hand he carried a 6 pack of beer and in the other, a togo bag with no doubt more chicken. Seungcheol looked at the food on the counter and laughed.

“I guess it's a beer and chicken kind of night!”

“No, no, no!” Soonyoung said, shaking his head, forcing down a smile as Jihoon and Seungcheol stared at him incredulously. “It’s not the Lion King!” Soonyoung added angrily as he lifted the small note in his hand. Seungcheol glared at him angrily. “There’s no way it’s not the Lion King! I’ve seen that movie hundreds of times, I’m telling you it’s the Lion King!” he roared, hand slapping the counter as Jihoon cackled loudly, lifting his third can of beer to down the rest.

“It’s not!” Soonyoung yelled. Jihoon waved his hand at the two. “You’re-” he was cut off by a burp. “Ugh,” Jihoon groaned before returning to the conversation. “You’re gonna get us in trouble. Stop. Yelling.” Soonyoung narrowed his eyes at Jihoon. “Are you drunk?” he asked. Jihoon rolled his eyes. Or attempted to. His head moved in the same motion, almost as if he was exaggerating the motion.

Only he didn’t realize he was doing it.

Seungcheol watched the spectacle before letting out a laugh. “He’s so drunk right now,” he laughed. Soonyoung clicked his tongue, taking the now empty can from Jihoon. Upon realizing it was empty, he tossed it and immediately his hands shot out to stop Jihoon from grabbing another.

“You’ve had enough!” Soonyoung growled, wrestling the can from his friend who whined loudly.

“Come on!” Jihoon protested. Soonyoung shook his head, pulling the case away. “No,” he answered.

“You’re cut off!”

Jihoon picked up a napkin, wadded it up and threw it at Soonyoung. “My ghost girlfriend doesn’t recognize me now that she’s not a ghost!” he blurted out. “I think I’m allowed another beer!”

Both Soonyoung and Seungcheol hesitated mid action to look up as Jihoon grumbled to himself, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting like a child. Soonyoung glanced over to meet Seungcheol’s gaze before turning back to look at Jihoon. Soonyoung cleared his throat, leaning against the counter as Seungcheol sat up a little straighter.

“What’s this about Y/N not recognizing you?” Soonyoung asked, drawing Jihoon’s attention. “She doesn’t recognize me. Which means she probably doesn’t recognize either of you,” he said, blinking slowly. Soonyoung looked at Seungcheol who looked back before speaking.

“Are you sure she didn’t recognize you?” the older man asked. Jihoon turned his head to study Seungcheol. “I’m sure. Jihyo asked her ‘do you recognize him?’ And she shook her head! The nerve! I confessed my feelings to her this morning and she now doesn’t recognize me!” Jihoon scoffed, he leaned forward and grabbed another can in Soonyoung’s momentary lapse in attention. Just as quickly, Soonyoungwas on him, trying to wrestle the can away.

Seungcheol was about to join in when Jihoon’s phone started buzzing on the counter. He grabbed it while the two were distracted and answered it, not bothering to read the name on the ID.

“Hello?”

There was a brief pause before the caller answered. “Is this Jihoon?”

It was a woman’s voice. Seungcheol frowned and pulled the phone back to look at the screen. The name read Jihyo. His eyes widened as he brought the phone back to his ear. “Oh sorry!” Seungcheol said softly, getting up from his seat as Jihoon and Soonyoung’s wrestling match moved to the floor. “This is his roommate. I’m Seungcheol.”

“Well, where is Jihoon?”

Seungcheol glanced down at the floor where Soonyoung had managed to pull the can from Jihoon’s hands but now Jihoon was biting Soonyoung’s arm. “Uh.. he can’t come to the phone right now. He’s… wrestling.”

There was a brief pause before Jihyo spoke.

“Wrestling?” she deadpanned. “Yeah,” Seungcheol answered. “It’s a long story. Is there a message I can pass on for you?” Jihyo was silent for a bit more as Soonyoung screamed in pain and tried to fight Jihoon off him. “Uh… can you just tell him I’m working on what I told him earlier? Tell him Y/N is more lucid and I’m going to keep my promise.”

Without another word, Jihyo hung up and Seungcheol pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it in confusion. Jihoon looked up and noticed his phone in Seungcheol’s hand. “What are you doing?” he asked suddenly and scrambled to get up but not before lightly kicking Soonyoung and taking the can of beer for the win.

“Your phone was ringing so I answered it,” Seungcheol answered, holding the device out when Jihoon silently asked for it. “Who was it?”

“It was…” Seungcheol trailed off, contemplating if he should tell Jihoon. “Jihyo,” he finally answered, deciding lying wouldn’t look good. Jihoon perked up visibly. “What? Jihyo? Are you sure? What did she say?”

Seungcheol held up his hand. “She said to tell you that Y/N is more lucid, that she’s going to keep her promise, and that she’s working on what she told you earlier,” he answered, repeating what Jihyo had said to him. Jihoon frowned, not looking exactly at Seungcheol before glancing down at his phone.

“What’s she talking about?” Soonyoung asked breathlessly and getting up. Jihoon said nothing, instead handing the unopened can to Soonyoung and then turning around and wordlessly leaving the room. Seungcheol and Soonyoung watched him until he disappeared into his room, the door shutting with a soft click. Soonyoung glanced at Seungcheol. “What just happened?” the younger man asked.

Seungcheol shook his head, staring at the end of the hall where Jihoon had disappeared.

“I have no idea,” he answered. “But we’ll find out tomorrow.”

The next morning, Jihoon woke up with a raging headache. He was tangled up in his bedding, hair sticking up in all directions as he opened one eye. Sunlight filtered into his room from the window and he lifted his head, squinting as he looked around for his phone which he found plugged in on his bedside table. He grabbed the device and checked the screen.

It was just past eleven in the morning. He’d slept in later than he intended. Getting up, Jihoon managed to untangle his legs as he pulled himself from his bed. He rushed into his bathroom to do his business. Once he was done, he headed out into the hallway where the smell of breakfast and coffee greeted him.

Following his nose, he ambled into the kitchen where Soonyoung sat at the island already dressed for the day and sipping on his coffee. Seungcheol was standing at the range, chopsticks in hand as he made an omelet. “Morning,” Seungcheol said softly as Jihoon walked over to the coffee maker to fix himself a cup. “You sure slept late,” Seungcheol addressed him.

“Rough night?”

Jihoon turned to glare at Soonyoung over his shoulder. “Shut up,” he snapped before turning to the coffee pot. Soonyoung didn’t take it personally. Jihoon was often grumpy in the mornings but add in a hangover and whatever happened at the hospital last night to the mix and he was bound to snap.

“Look,” Seungcheol said as he plated the omelet and set the plate in front of Soonyoung who thanked him with a “yum,” before digging in. “Obviously something happened yesterday and we don’t know because we weren’t there. You aren’t the only person here who cares about Y/N so start talking,” the older man said, turning to Jihoon and pointing at him with the chopsticks.

Jihoon glared at him as well prompting Seungcheol to come up with a threat.

“Talk or make your own omelet.”

Jihoon grumbled as he moved to sit at the kitchen island, leaving a seat between him and Soonyoung.

“Fine,” Jihoon said as the pair stared at him. “Fine, I’ll talk.”

Half an hour later, Jihoon was finishing his omelet as Seungcheol plated his own.

“Honestly, I don’t know how the rules work,” Seungcheol said as he picked up his chopsticks and started to eat. “None of us knows how any of this works. So let’s just trust that Jihyo will handle it. And who knows,” he added, taking another bite of omelet. “Maybe Y/N’s memories of living here will come back to her!”

Jihoon said nothing but nodded nonetheless. It was normal for Seungcheol to be the optimistic one out of the three of them although Soonyoung was generally optimistic as well. Soonyoung, who had been silent the whole time, finally spoke. “What if we visited her?”

Jihoon rolled his eyes. “You think her memories will come back just cause she sees us?” Jihoon snapped angrily. “If that was the case, don’t you think her memories would have come back when she saw me standing in her hospital room?”

Seungcheol swallowed his food before interjecting. “Don’t be nasty,” he said sternly. “She was just waking up,” Soonyoung reasoned. “She wasn’t fully there.” Seungcheol nodded towards Soonyoung.

“He’s got a point. And Jihyo said she was more lucid last night. Maybe before she was still fuzzy because her soul had just jumped back into her body. Maybe now, she’ll be more receptive.”

Jihoon said nothing, processing their words instead. It was a valid point to make. He was just mad that he didn’t make it yesterday when he was sobbing in his car. “It’s worth trying,” Seungcheol added while Soonyoung nodded persistently. Jihoon again said nothing. Maybe they were wrong. Maybe you’d never remember the things that happened when you weren’t in your body.

But maybe… just maybe they were right.

You sighed heavily as you watched Jihyo get ready, pouring her coffee into a travel mug. 

“I miss having a job,” you said softly as you watched her bustle about. Jihyo snorted as she grabbed her toast. “If it were me, I’d love not having to get up every morning and go to work,” she said. She no longer glanced at you as if your coma was some sensitive subject and you were both able to make light of the situation. Once you were deemed fit to leave the hospital, Jihyo insisted you move in with her. She had a nice apartment downtown close to the hospital where you’d have to go for your check ups on your road to recovery.

She had converted the den into your room, apologizing that there was no closet. You assured her it was okay. All of your things had either been donated or taken to your parents place in the country. All your clothes were there and your parents had sent you some of your money they’d put in a savings account for if you woke up again. 

It was all prepared carefully. 

You were able to use that money to buy some essentials and some clothes as well. Jihyo had also taken you to get a new phone and number as your parents had canceled your previous plan. You were fully set up minus your things from home within the week from being discharged.

Since you’d lost your job after the accident, you were now unemployed again and had taken to doing the household chores to earn your keep, despite Jihyo telling you not to worry about it. It had been two weeks since you left and you were starting to get bored. You needed a job.

So after Jihyo left, you got dressed and ready to go out and hunt for a job. Even if it was a part time job, you needed something to get you out of the house and keep you from going insane.

After trying several ads in the paper you’d seen, you found yourself stopping outside a cute cafe and glanced up beside it at the highrise building it was nestled into the base of. It was clearly some kind of office building and you decided to go in and see what businesses were there. Hopefully find a place you might be able to snag a job.

With your little notebook and pen in hand, you started to scribble down the names of the various firms and corporations as workers moved around you, not noticing you as they arrived for work. You were halfway down the list when the security guard approached you.

“Can I help you find something, miss?” he asked. You turned to look at him, noticing he was a kind looking older man. You smiled at him. “Sorry,” you said softly. “I probably look really suspicious,” you added, prompting him to tilt his head at you. “I just got discharged from the hospital a couple weeks ago and I’m looking for work,” you explained.

“What were you doing in the hospital?” the guard asked. “I was in a coma for ten months,” you answered, chuckling at the shocked expression on his face. “I fell down the stairs at my old apartment building,” you continued. “Fell into a coma at the hospital and just finally woke up.”

“I’m sorry to hear about your accident but glad you’re still with us,” the guard said with a kind smile. “If I may,” he added, stepping forward to point to a name on the directory. “I know this place is looking for some assistants. Mainly to help with filing and other clerical work,” he explained.

You jotted down the name before smiling up at the directory and then turning to beam at him. “Thank you very much!” you replied happily. “I can let you up to see the receptionist. They can direct you where to go to fill out an application and you could turn in a resume if you have one on you.” 

You nodded quickly. “That would be so helpful, thank you!”

The security guard walked you to the elevators and once you were on, he pressed the button for the eleventh floor and told you where to turn and which suite to go to. You thanked him and were on your way up. The small crowd in the elevator thinned out as the lift rose up further until you were the last on the elevator when it arrived at the eleventh floor, doors opening with a ding.

You stepped out of the lift and looked around for the suite number the guard had told you. ‘Eleven-eighty-two.’ Your eyes were met with texture glass windows framed with black steel and a matching door with black painted letters at the top that read one one eight two. At eye level were the words “MM&C Management Firm.” You pulled open the door and stepped inside where you were greeted by a small white desk and a very pretty young woman who sat behind it.

“Hi,” she said as you approached, giving you a warm and friendly smile. “How can I help you?”

“So, I just got out of the hospital a couple weeks ago and I’m looking for work. The security guard downstairs told me this firm might be looking for help with clerical work?”

The woman smiled at you and turned to pull open a desk. “Here,” she said softly as she pulled out a small paper packet and set it on the top of the desk. “Fill that out and bring it back. I will make sure it gets to the right person,” she added with a wink. You smiled and looked around. “Any chance I could fill it out here?” you asked softly. “I’m not in any hurry,” you added.

The receptionist pulled out a pen and handed it to you. “Take your time,” she said and gestured for you to pull up a chair next to her desk and fill out the application.

You were impressed by the volume of questions and how thorough the application was. It took you several minutes to fill out and when you were finished, you handed it back to the receptionist with a copy of your resume. She promised to get it to the read of human resources as soon as possible and that most likely she’d hear back within the week. You thanked her one last time and headed out of the office feeling more confident than before as you pushed the elevator call button.

Back out on the street, you decided to stop by the cafe and grab a coffee and maybe a muffin as you hadn’t eaten breakfast yet. You made your way through the busy sidewalk as you headed for the door before bumping into someone. The motion caused you to spin 180 degrees as you collided with the man.

Looking up, your eyes met his and you noticed how they widened. His lips parted and he stared at you in what you could only assume was shock. “I’m so sorry,” you said, bowing politely. He stood unmoving, staring at you. “I should have been watching where I was going,” you added. Still he did not move.

You were starting to get worried when a familiar face strode up beside the shocked man.

“Soonyoung,” he said, grabbing the man’s shoulder and giving him a slight shake. “You’re staring,” the man whispered. It was the same man from your hospital room. The one Jihyo had asked if you recognized. He managed to pull his friend, Soonyoung out of his trance. He whispered something to Soonyoung before turning to give you an apologetic look.

“I’m so sorry,” he said softly. “He’s…” he trailed off. “Uh. Yeah. Sorry again.”

Before you could say anything else, the two left, the man pulling his friend along and out of sight.

You weren’t sure what it was but something was familiar about Soonyoung. You couldn’t tell what. You knew you’d never seen him before but the feeling you got when you saw him felt oddly… comforting.

After getting your coffee and muffin you continued about your day, applying at various firms and dropping off your resume until you returned home to shower before Jihyo got home.

As you were starting dinner, Jihyo arrived. She changed out of her work clothes and joined you in the kitchen as you were putting dinner in the oven. She moved over to the fridge to grab a bottle of wine and two glasses before asking how your day was. You told her about your job hunt, thanking her for the glass before setting it down and looking up at her.

“I saw him again,” you said suddenly. Jihyo looked at you. “Saw who?”

“That man from my hospital room. I saw him today while I was looking for jobs.”

Jihyo’s eyebrows raised. “Really?” she asked before taking another sip of wine. “Where at?”

You explained about the highrise building you’d visited and went up to fill out an application. How the security guard had been very nice and told you where to look. You minced on the details of the place in favor of explaining what happened after you left the building.

“I bumped into this guy,” you continued, staring at your glass of wine. Jihyo had already almost finished her glass and was watching you intently. “Oh?” she asked. “Was he cute?” You didn’t miss the way she wiggled her eyebrows at you, prompting you to roll your eyes. “Not the point, Ji,” you answered.

Jihyo’s eyebrows shot up. “So he was cute!”

You waved your hand, trying to dismiss this part of the conversation. “Again, not the point! What is the point is that he was friends with the man from the hospital,” you added. Jihyo nodded, downing the rest of her wine. “Jihoon,” she said suddenly, pulling you from your thoughts just as you were sinking.

You looked up quickly. “What?” you whispered as she moved around the island to the fridge, grabbing the wine to refill her glass. “His name is Jihoon,” Jihyo explained. “The man from the hospital. Lee Jihoon.” You turned away from her as the name rolled around in your head like clothes in the dryer.

‘Jihoon? Why does that seem so familiar?’ you asked yourself. ‘And his friend. Soonyoung, he was familiar, too.’ You looked up as Jihyo returned to her seat, picking up her wine. “Tell me about the accident again,” you said suddenly.

Jihyo coughed, setting her wine back down and placing her hand over her mouth as she tried to cough up the wine she accidentally inhaled. “We’ve been over this, Y/N,” she explained.

“You fell at the old apartment. The elevator was out of service and you must have been late for work. One of the tenants on the bottom floor heard your scream and came out to find you at the base of the stairs. He called the paramedics.” You listened intently as Jihyo went over the events again.

It sounded the exact same as the first few times she explained it. “I don’t remember falling,” you whispered. Jihyo grimaced and reached across the countertop to take your hand in hers. “I wouldn’t want to remember falling down an entire flight of stairs, would you?” she asked softly.

Looking up, you met her gaze and finally shook your head. “No, I guess not,” you replied.

Your conversation was interrupted by the timer going off. “Dinner!” Jihyo exclaimed excitedly, getting up and rushing around to grab the oven mitts.

You stepped out of the way as she pulled open the oven door and carefully pulled out the dish, setting it on the counter. “Can we go see it?” you asked as Jihyo pulled off the oven mitts, shutting the door and giving you a perplexed look. “See what?”

“The apartment,” you answered. “I want to see it again. It’s been what? Almost a year since I last saw it.”

Jihyo looked nervous as she turned to face you. “I don’t think that’s possible,” she answered. Your smile fell. “And why not?” Jihyo sighed, turning to open a drawer and produce a spoon for the casserole. “Because!” she retorted. “Someone else lives there now.”

You shrugged as Jihyo started plating the food. “We can tell them what happened!” you pressed. “Tell them we used to live there. Maybe they’ll let us in!”

Jihyo slammed the end of the spoon on the counter top. “Y/N! Just… stop it,” she said, her tone exasperated. “It’s just not possible. Someone else lives there now. Would you want some stranger showing up and wanting to come in here to look around?”

When she put it like that, you saw her point. You hung your head dejectedly. “You’re right,” you whispered. Jihyo set the spoon down and sighed, taking your hand in hers. “I’m sorry I yelled,” she started. “That wasn’t very Cash Money of me.”

You snorted at her comment, a smile spreading across her face as well. “It’s in the past though. There’s nothing left for you there. All your things are gone or at your parents house.”

You nodded again, taking in a deep breath before exhaling. “You’re right,” you said with a firm nod. “No point dwelling in the past,” you continued. “I just feel a pull to go back. I’m sure it’ll pass though,” you said as you picked up your fork and took a bite of the casserole you’d prepared.

Jihyo took a bite as well. The two of you looked at one another before each spitting your food out.

“Pizza?” Jihyo asked to which you nodded, picking up your phone and pulling up the website of the closest pizza place. “Yeah,” you replied softly. “I’m never cooking again.”

---------------------

The following week, you were surprised to receive a call about a position at the MM&C firm you’d applied to. They wanted to schedule an interview and have you come in to meet with HR and that the head of the department would actually be conducting your interview.

You looked up at the same high rise from the other day and smiled nervously. ‘You’ve got this!’ you told yourself before taking your first confident step towards the front door. Once inside you met the gaze of the security guard who smiled at you as you approached his desk. 

“Well, hello again,” he said brightly. “What brings you back?”

“I actually have an interview with someone at MM&C Management,” you explained. He gave you a high five and wished you luck. “You’re gonna knock ‘em dead!” he called as you walked towards the elevator, prompting you to wave at him before stepping onto the elevator.

As the doors were shutting, a hand shot out, stopping the doors and a man entered the elevator, pressing the button for the tenth floor. He gave you a polite smile as the doors shut and the elevator started to climb. You could sense he was glancing at you out of the corner of his eye but you tried to pay him no mind, instead staring at yourself in the reflective surface of the elevator interior.

You’d chosen this dress specifically for this interview, having gone out the day you’d gotten the call to shop for more appropriate attire. Jihyo had to work so she couldn’t be there in person but you sent her pictures of each ensemble and she helped you narrow down your options.

You left with three outfits with shoes and accessories to match. Once Jihyo returned home, she looked over the outfits with you and helped you settle on a cream and black colorblock dress. It was form fitting and the hem stopped just above the knee. With it you’d paired simple black heels that were nice but still comfortable. You’d worn one of Jihyo’s long coats and borrowed a hat and scarf to protect against the cold weather.

The elevator doors dinged and opened, allowing the man off who gave you a smile and a wave. The doors shut before you could return either, not that you particularly wanted to. The ride from the tenth to the eleventh floor lasted all of ten seconds and soon you were stepping off the lift and making your way to suite 1180. You pulled open the doors and were greeted by the same receptionist who beamed as you approached the desk.

“Told you I’d get those papers to the right hands,” she said with a wink. You smiled shyly as she glanced down at her papers. “Miss Y/N, I presume?” she asked, glancing up. You nodded and watched as she pulled out a visitor pass and handed it over. Just have a seat and someone will be here to escort you shortly,” the receptionist said, gesturing to the seats against the wall.

Thanking her, you moved to sit down and now had the chance to actually look around the office. It looked like any other office. Plain walls, plain floors, fluorescent lights, office cubicles. What separated it from most other offices was the openness that came with the large windows and all the natural light.

To your left seemed to be the main office space although it was on the smaller side. You looked to your right and saw a long hallway that led to a black door with three horizontal rectangular windows. As you stared down the hall, a door opened and another woman appeared. She was tall and slim, sporting a plain white blouse with a high neck, cap sleeves that showed off her toned arms. Her shirt was tucked into a khaki pencil skirt with shiny gold button details.

She approached the reception area, her black stilettos silent against the carpet as she walked. Her long black hair was styled into a half updo, soft curls flowing down her back. She stopped as she approached you, prompting you to stand up quickly. “Y/N?” she asked with a smile, a set of dazzling white teeth appearing from behind her soft pink lips.

You nodded wordlessly, bowing when she bowed to you. “Mr. Choi is ready for you,” she said softly. “If you’ll just follow me.” You shot a glance at the receptionist who mouthed a quick ‘good luck’ offering a thumbs up as you followed this well put together woman down the long corridor.

About halfway down, she stopped and opened a door with the words ‘Human Resources’ etched onto textured glass. As she opened the door, she stepped in, gesturing for you to follow. Inside was a smaller office space, much like the one you’d seen before at reception. She led you through the office which, while being on the smaller side, was much different from the office cubicles you’d seen before.

Instead of cubicles, there were walled off spaces with glass. Somewhat private but still not entirely closed off from the rest of the department. At the end of the room was no doubt the head of HR’s office, where you were heading. Counter height windows dominated the wall except for the door which also had a large window. The blinds were half raised but closed completely to give off a private but not isolated vibe.

The woman leading you paused at the door, knocking lightly. A voice rang out, asking the two of you to enter. The door was opened and you peered from closely behind the woman.

“Y/N is here for her interview,” she announced to the man who sat behind the desk. He was ducked behind his PC, typing away. “Perfect,” he said. “Please take her to the conference room and I’ll be with her in just a moment,” he instructed. The woman nodded, pulling the door shut and smiling at you, guiding your way to one of the longer office spaces which was currently empty.

A long black wooden table stood in the middle of the room with enough chairs to seat ten people which seemed to be all that worked in this department from what you saw. “Mr. Choi will be right with you,” the secretary said. “You’re welcome to have any of the refreshments from the fridge,” she added, gesturing to a fridge in the corner.

You thanked her and just like that, you were alone.

Seungcheol finished the email he’d been working on before sending it and stretching. ‘Thank god that’s over,’ he mused as he shut down his computer and got up, grabbing his phone and checking the time. He slipped the device into his pocket afterwards and headed out of his office, stopping by his secretary’s desk as he exited his office. “Do you have that file for me?” he asked softly.

His secretary smiled, pulling open the top drawer of her desk and handed it to him. “Perfect,” he said with a grin. “Thank you, Hana.” 

Taking the file, Seungcheol headed for the meeting room, looking over the file. He stopped in his tracks as he read the name on the application. “Y/N?” he breathed. ‘It couldn’t be, right?’

He looked up from the papers and into the meeting room, his eyes widening and heart skipping into his throat at the same time his stomach dropped into his shoes.

It was you.

He froze in place, unable to move or speak as he watched you sitting behind the glass. You obviously looked quite different from what he was accustomed to but there was no mistake. It was you.

Your hair was a little different and you weren’t wearing the same outfit he saw you in day in and day out.

You were corporeal. Living, breathing. There was color to your complexion. A natural glow to your skin. And makeup. There was makeup. It was almost surreal seeing you in this state when he’d been used to seeing you the other way for so long. He managed to regain his composure and started walking towards the door, pulling it open carefully.

He’d have to make a mental note of this to tell Jihoon and Soonyoung later.

“Hi,” Seungcheol said as he shut the door. You stood quickly, bowing respectfully as he did the same before moving to sit adjacent to you. “I hope you don’t mind me sitting here,” he said as he set a folder, no doubt your file, on the table. “I find sitting so far down at the head of the table informal and really awkward. I almost have to yell all my questions,” he added.

You smiled back at him, nodding silently. “Okay, so,” Seungcheol started. “I’ve gone over your application and your resume so I’m not going to waste your time with the information on that. Tell me a little about yourself,” he said, hoping to use this opportunity to get to know you a little more.

You looked taken aback but got right into it.

“Well, I’m returning to work. I’ve been unemployed for ten months,” you explained. Seungcheol leaned in as you explained about the accident, your fall down the stairs that landed you in a coma for ten months. He’d heard this story from Jihoon already but didn’t interrupt.

“I figured it’s time to return to work. I moved in with my best friend after the hospital discharged me but I’m starting to feel like a burden. I want to help out.” Seungcheol nodded as he listened.

“And what about your family? Do they live in the city?”

You shook your head. “No, they live in the country. I would have moved back home with them except that my doctor is here and it’s better for my check ups to stay close to the city center. I haven’t been approved to drive yet so I actually live very close,” you explained.

Seungcheol nodded, looking down at the paper, eyes scanning the sheet.

“Well, you’re more than qualified for the job and you have excellent references,” he stated before looking up. “I’m not one of those people who asks why you want to work for us. I can guess that the location is convenient for you and that you need a job. Otherwise you wouldn’t apply, am I correct?”

You nodded silently. “Is this line of work similar to your previous job?” he asked, not looking away as you nodded. “Well,” you cut yourself off. “Sort of. I was a paralegal before,” you added.”Which is fancy for ‘lawyer secretary and assistant,’” you continued with a chuckle.

“But I have a lot of clerical experience.”

Seungcheol smiled and nodded. “Your resume and application definitely tells that tale. It also tells me that you’re a loyal employee with several years of clerical work under her belt at the same firm.”

He glanced down and shut the folder, looking back up. “There shouldn’t be any reason why we wouldn’t hire you,” he added. “I’m supposed to tell you to expect a call back within a week but don’t be surprised if you hear back tomorrow or the day after,” he added, standing up.

You followed suit as he grabbed the folder and gestured to the door. “I’ll walk you out,” he added, pulling open the meeting room door and allowing you to leave first. He followed you to the office door that led into the hallway and walked you down to reception. 

“Did you have any questions for me?” he asked, looking up as you walked.

“Uh,” you hesitated. “I don’t think so, actually.”

“Well, if you happen to come across any questions you’d like to ask me,” he started as the two of you stopped. “Don’t hesitate to reach out.”

He handed you a card with his name and number on it. “That number is my office number but under it is my personal cell. You can also always reach me by email.”  You took the card, thanking him for his time with a bow. He returned the gesture. “Thank you for coming by and I hope to see you again soon,” he added. You thanked him again and he watched as you headed towards the door and out of sight.

‘What are the odds?’

Soonyoung reiterated his sentiment later that night as Seungcheol recounted the interview and his interaction with Y/N. Jihoon was surprisingly silent as Seungcheol and Soonyoung chatted.

“Is she qualified for the position?” he asked, lifting his glass to his lips. Seungcheol nodded, chewing his food thoughtfully. “More than qualified. It’s simple clerical work. She used to be a paralegal,” he answered, drawing both Soonyoung and Jihoon’s attention.

“She did?” Soonyoung asked. Seungcheol nodded. “She’s perfect for the position.”

Jihoon said nothing, taking another sip of his drink. Soonyoung noticed Seungcheol’s gaze shift ever so slightly to look at the youngest of the group. “It feels weird though,” Seungcheol continued. Jihoon looked up from his food.

“What does?”

Seungcheol didn’t meet his gaze. “Being in control of her career like this. It feels… I don’t know…” Seungcheol trailed off as he tried to find the right words. “Wrong. It feels wrong.” Jihoon snorted, returning his attention to his food. “If she’s qualified for the position, or overqualified as you’ve indicated, then it can’t be helped. It’s not like she knows who you are,” he added.

“We don’t control where she applies. It’s not like we told her where to go nor are you pulling any strings to get her in.” Seungcheol watched as Jihoon continued to eat.

The younger man looked up, finally meeting his gaze. Jihoon merely shrugged at him.

“It’s a coincidence.”

You flopped down onto your bed, letting out a sigh. Your shower felt nice. Like you were washing away your worries for the day. It had been a couple days since your interview at MM&C Management and you’d had a couple other interviews but none of those had made you feel as at ease as Mr. Choi at MM&C. You couldn’t shake the feeling that you knew him though you knew you didn’t.

He wasn’t familiar. At least not his face. But the way you felt around him was comforting. He was comforting. It was almost the same kind of feeling you got around Soonyoung the other day outside the high rise. How could two strangers’ presences feel so… comforting?

It made no sense to you.

You were pulled from your thoughts by the ringing of your phone. Without sitting up, you reached for the device and checked the screen. It was an unknown number. You answered it hesitantly.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Y/N?” asked a voice. ‘Wait, that voice sounds familiar!’

“It is,” you answered.

“This is Hana from MM&C Management. We met just before your interview the other day.”

The woman with the long black hair came into your mind’s eye. ‘Of course!’

You sat up quickly. “Y-yes! Hello!” you said, attempting and failing to keep your voice calm. Excitement was written all over your face.

“I have Mr. Choi on the line, he would like to speak with you,” Hana explained. “O-of course!” you replied, waiting for the line to switch.

“Hello? Y/N?” His voice brought with it a soothing comfort and you were able to relax a bit. “Hello, Mr. Choi,” you replied. You heard him chuckle over the line. “Seungcheol is fine,” he retorted. “Mr. Choi is my father.” You let out a nervous chuckle. “Of course, sorry. Seungcheol. How can I help you?”

“Well, for starters, you can accept this offer of employment. That would really make my superiors happy,” he said, that same amused tone in his voice. “So, what do you say, Y/N? Feel like joining MM&c Management?” Your heart pounded in your chest as he spoke.

Before you had time to process or think your lips parted.

“Count me in.”

The call ended after Seungcheol had gone over as many of the details he was authorized over the phone to do so. For the rest, you would have to come in for orientation and finalize everything by signing some paperwork which was scheduled for the following Monday.

You heard the front door open and got up quickly, scrambling out of the den door to meet Jihyo as she entered the apartment. She looked at you with a peculiar expression as she set some takeout on the counter. “What on earth has gotten into you?” she asked, trying to suppress her laughter.

“Please tell me you have another bottle of wine,” you started as she untied the black plastic bags and started to pull out the food. “I do,” she said hesitantly. “Why?”

You beamed at her as you moved to sit at the kitchen counter.

“Break out the wine,” you announced. “This bitch just got herself a job!”

Filling out paperwork and signing proved to be just as taxing as you remembered but Seungcheol made the process as smooth as possible, explaining everything in the simplest terms he could.

After what felt like two hours of paperwork and signing, your picture was taken for your new work badge, and next came the tour. Not only did Seungcheol take you through the suite, showing you each department, but he also took you to a couple other floors where the firm worked closely with the others.

You learned of the twenty floors in the building, five of them were associated with MM&C. He also showed you where the employee cafeteria was located and promised that the food was well worth it. You were then shown to your workstation. You were not going to be working on the eleventh floor with him but instead you were on the nineteenth. You’d be doing clerical work and errands for the secretarial staff on that floor. 

It didn’t take you long to fit into the staff and get into the swing of things and even though you weren’t working on the same floor as Seungcheol, you surprisingly made a lot of trips down to human resources for your clerical work. It was nice to see his comforting face occasionally when you came to drop off files and got to chat for a bit.

Lunch was another time you got to visit with him, eating in the cafeteria and talking about more than just work. Seungcheol was easy to talk to and you really enjoyed talking to him.

So when he didn’t show up for lunch one day, you wondered if he was okay. You hadn’t seen him all day, your tasks keeping you moving from floor to floor except for the eleventh. You were picking up some files that needed to be scanned and digitized on the fifth floor when you ran into him.

Lee Jihoon. The elevator opened and the two of you made eye contact. He visibly tensed as his eyes met yours. You offered him a polite smile and stepped onto the elevator. The atmosphere between the two of you was tense. Something unspoken between the two of you but you couldn’t discern what.

Jihoon on the other hand knew exactly what it was.

Sexual tension. He’d never experienced it with you. It had never been very tense between the two of you before you woke up, so he didn’t have much to go off but he’d felt sexual tension plenty of times in his life. And elevators had a way of bringing it out in people.

“How have you been?”

Your voice was so soft that if this was the sort of building to play elevator music, Jihoon is certain he would have missed your question. Instead, he heard it crystal clear. It dawned on him that this was the first time he was hearing your voice since you woke up.

He turned to glance at you. ‘How have you been?’ It was such a simple question but he couldn’t answer it right away. Not the way he wanted to. ‘How have I been?’

Truthfully, he’s been better but rather than telling you that, he came up with a bullshit answer. Hopefully you couldn’t read him as well as you could before. “I’m alright,” he answered, surprised by the softness of his own voice. “I remember you,” you said suddenly, making his heart skip a beat.

“From the hospital,” you added. His heart slowly sank back into its usual position. ‘Of course.’

“Ah,” he said simply. A beat of silence fell over the two of you before you spoke again.

“Why were you there?” Jihoon hadn’t been prepared for this question. In all honesty, he hadn’t been prepared to see or speak to you ever again so he wasn’t sure how to answer it. Deciding vagueness had always been his strong suit, he tapped into that.

“It’s… complicated.” You tilted your head, like a puppy does upon hearing its own name.

“Complicated how?” god you sounded so child-like and innocent. How could he possibly begin to even explain it? There was no easy way to do it, not without sounding like a total nutcase.

“I… can’t really explain it,” he finally settled on. Was it a lame answer? Of course. Did you deserve a better answer? Absolutely. So why couldn’t he give you one? Perhaps because he was a coward.

The elevator dinged, pulling both of you from your thoughts and the unaddressed tension as the doors opened. Jihoon stepped forward without another word. “It was nice seeing you- oh! Seungcheol!” you said as the man in question appeared.

Seungcheol turned to find both you and Jihoon. “You didn’t come to lunch today,” you noted, a hint of sadness to your voice. Jihoon felt his stomach sink and his blood start to boil as he turned his head slowly to look at Seungcheol who offered a sheepish smile. “Sorry, Y/N,” he said.

“I made plans with a friend for lunch,” he said, clapping Jihoon on the shoulder.

The shock on your face was evident in the way your brows rose and your lips parted.

It looked as if you hadn’t known Jihoon and Seungcheol were friends and Jihoon would have to give the older man a piece of his mind about eating lunch with you.

Seungcheol gestured for Jihoon to go ahead of him. “Sorry again, Y/N,” he said with a smile. “Maybe tomorrow?” You nodded, the smile returning to your face. “It was nice seeing you again, Jihoon!” you called, noticing how Jihoon visibly stiffened before turning to look back at you. “You, too,” he replied softly.

You watched as they disappeared past the suite door and stepped back to allow the elevator doors to shut. ‘So they’re friends, too?’ you wondered as the elevator started to ascend to the nineteenth floor. You crossed your arms over your chest, holding the folders of papers to be scanned close to you, almost hugging it. Just how many people in your life were he friends with?

As soon as the door to his office shut, Seungcheol expected Jihoon to pounce but instead the younger man sat down and glared at him. He glared but said nothing until Seungcheol couldn’t take it anymore.

“Will you at least yell at me or something?” he asked. Jihoon shook his head silently.

“Are you seeing her or something?” he finally asked. Seungcheol was so shocked by his question that his jaw actually dropped. “You honestly think I’d do that to you?” Seungcheol asked incredulously. “I know how you feel about her. You really think I would just swoop in and steal her from you?”

Jihoon sighed heavily, leaning forward to hide his face in his hands. “No,” he groaned before sitting back. “No I don’t.” Seungcheol nodded slowly. “Well good. Cause I wouldn’t. You’re one of my best friends, Ji. I wouldn’t dream of hurting you like that.”

“Why are you eating lunch with her? How often have you been doing that?”

Seungcheol hesitated for a moment. “For a while. Since she started. I wanted to make sure she was comfortable and she had a familiar face around,” he answered. “It might make it a lot easier.”

Jihoon narrowed his eyes. “Might make what a lot easier?” he asked. Seungcheol sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I thought that if she and I spent some time together, even in a work setting, we’d become friends and then through me, she could meet you again. Maybe it might trigger some memories or something!” Seungcheol explained as Jihoon groaned and got up, beginning to pace.

“Did you hire her specifically to do this?” Jihoon asked angrily. “What?” Seungcheol asked, looking indignant. “No? I didn’t hire her! I just do the interviews!”

Jihoon groaned and turned to face the office door. He pressed his fingers against his temple on either side of his head. “This has to stop,” Jihoon said softly before turning to look at his friend. “We can’t interfere with her life. We have to move on.” Seungcheol’s expression morphed into one of sadness.

He knew where Jihoon was coming from and he understood it but he also felt there was something more to this. Like you were meant to be in their lives still. If Jihoon was willing to give up that was fine, but he wasn’t. Not yet.

“I’m sorry,” Seungcheol said softly. “I should have told you from the start.” Jihoon shook his head. “It’s okay. I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions and accusing you of being a bad friend.” Seungcheol smiled at him. “So,” he said, leaning forward.

“You wanna get sushi?”

The entire rest of your day at work was hell. You were distracted and couldn’t focus on anything. All you could think about was why Jihoon was there. Had he and Seungcheol been friends all along? Was he following you? Just who was he? As you gathered your things at the end of your shift and headed to the elevator, you knew just who to ask to get your answers.

Jihyo was already home when you got there, dinner in the oven as she poured two glasses of wine. She wanted to celebrate your first week of work at your new job. As you entered, she welcomed you home cheerfully, smile fading as she watched you hastily tear off your hat and coat, tossing them on the bench by the front door before slipping your shoes off. 

“You have a lot to answer for, Seo Jihyo,” you said angrily as you stormed over. Jihyo shrank against the kitchen counter. “Wh-what are you-”

“Who the fuck is Jihoon and why does he know the guy who hired me? Why is he everywhere? Why was he in my hospital room when I woke up?”

Jihyo stared at you, eyes wide. “I-I…” she stammered, trailing off. “Tell me now or I swear to god-”

Jihyo held out her hands. “Okay, okay!” she said quickly. “I’ll tell you but you have to listen to everything I say and wait until I’m done before you speak.”

You narrowed your eyes at her before moving to sit at the kitchen island, grabbing your glass of wine and downing half of it in one go. “Talk.”

Jihyo sighed before launching into explanation. She explained how she met Jihoon. How he contacted her to ask about your accident. He was under the impression you had died. Before you could interrupt, Jihyo explained that Jihoon, Seungcheol, and Soonyoung were the new tenants of your old apartment.

Jihoon wanted to know details about your death because he and the others were experiencing… supernatural activity. They were convinced it was your ghost. Upon hearing this, you had a sudden flash, a memory, of you standing in the apartment, surrounded by furniture that did not belong to you.

You snapped out of it as Jihyo continued. “So when he called me and asked for details about your death I told him you weren’t dead. You were in a coma. He asked if he could meet me and at first, I was hesitant but I agreed. He was adamant he’d seen your spirit. Spoken to it. Had full conversations with you. I thought he was crazy,” Jihyo laughed, downing the rest of her wine before pouring another glass.

“But then he started to tell me things about you. Things he couldn’t have known. That was when I started to believe him.” She continued on, telling how Jihoon came to the hospital to see you. The day you woke up and that he somehow managed to wake you up. “He had said he wanted to try,” she said with a far off look in her eyes.

“And they live in our old building?” you asked. She nodded, closing her eyes. You sat silently as you made up your mind. It sounded ridiculous but then again, you couldn’t shake the unmistakable feeling you got around Soonyoung or the comfort of Seungcheol. Even the unaddressed tension between you and Jihoon in the elevator.

And there was only one way to know for sure.

You got up from the island, walking to the door. Jihyo sat up. “Where are you going?” she asked as you slid on your shoes and pulled on your coat. “To our old apartment,” you said simply, pulling on your hat and gloves, wrapping your scarf around your neck. “You can’t!” Jihyo protested.

You turned to her. “Don’t try to stop me, Jihyo,” you warned. “I have to do this. I need answers.”

Jihyo stared at you blankly. “I just gave them to you,” she replied. “No,” you started, turning to face her.

“I know but I need more answers. Ones you can’t give me. I need answers from…” you trailed off.

“From Jihoon.” Jihyo finished your sentence for you. “Yeah,” you nodded. “From Jihoon.”

You pulled open the door and stepped out into the hall.

You barely knew how to get to your old apartment from where you were but you knew you’d manage. You had your phone after all. You could just look up the directions. 

Once you were gone, Jihyo ran to the kitchen, snatching her phone off the counter and started scrolling until she found what she was looking for. She pressed the little green button and waited for an answer while it rang. After a couple rings, someone picked up.

Jihoon had just arrived home and was the first one there. Seungcheol had gone out for drinks with coworkers and Soonyoung had left for the weekend to stay with his parents. He’d finished dinner early and was cleaning up when his phone vibrated on the counter. He dried his hands and picked up the device, reading the name Jihyo flash across the screen.

He answered it, confusion rampant on his face and in his voice.

“Jihyo?” he asked. “Why are you-”

“I told her.” Those three simple words were enough to send Jihoon’s heart into a panic. ‘Told her? Told her what?’ He cleared his throat. “Wh-what did you tell her?” he asked, deciding context was important. “Everything,” Jihyo whispered on the other end. “I told her everything. She’s on her way there now. She needs more answers. Answers I can’t give her.”

Jihoon’s heart pounded in his chest. ‘She’s on her way? She’s coming here?’ He licked his lips and looked around quickly. “Uh… okay. I’ll uh… I’ll take care of it.” Jihyo thanked him before hanging up. Jihoon finished cleaning up at record speed.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed between Jihyo’s call and the knock at his door. He walked over to the door, checking his reflection in the mirror before peering through the peephole. You stood on the other side of the door, bundled to the max with tiny flecks of white dusting your clothing.

Jihoon unlocked the door and pulled it open, eyes meeting yours as you turned to look at him. Neither one of you said anything at first until Jihoon finally broke the silence. “You want to come in?” he asked, his voice soft as he stood aside. You thanked him quietly and stepped over the threshold.

Jihoon stood back as you removed your shoes and pulled your hat off your head, stuffing it and your gloves into your coat pockets. Jihoon moved to the kitchen, watching as you started to look around. Your eyes were full of both sadness and curiosity as you scanned your surroundings.

You said nothing as you looked around and took it all in. It was your old apartment but it also wasn’t at the same time. The furniture wasn’t yours but it was familiar all the same. A nagging and pulling at the back of your mind telling you this was home. This was your home. Yet it wasn’t, you told yourself. It was Jihoon’s. It was Seungcheol’s. It was Soonyoung’s. It wasn’t yours anymore.

Without asking, you walked over to the windows looking onto the balcony where you and Jihyo had kept your plants. There were still plants but they weren’t yours. And the chairs weren’t yours either.

As you started to turn away from the balcony, you had a sudden memory. Sitting on the balcony and laughing as the sun came up but it was with Jihyo. It was with…

You turned around to look at Jihoon who was watching you with a guarded expression.

You said nothing, too stunned to speak as you walked through the living room, stopping to look at the living room set. The coffee table brought another memory.

Seungcheol and Soonyoung kneeling around the table with a Ouija board and a dark foreboding presence. You snapped out of it and continued on, passing the main bathroom. The first room you reached was Nari’s. You peered in and saw the furniture was definitely not Nari’s. It was completely different from how you remembered it.

Another memory manifested itself as you peered into the dark room. Sitting in the desk chair and talking to someone who wasn’t Nari. It was Soonyoung. You blinked, the scene fading from in front of you, almost like you were observing it instead of experiencing it.

You continued down the hall, peering into Jihyo’s old room. ‘This must be Seungcheol’s room.’ You decided not to enter as you worked with him and it felt wrong to enter his space like that. Although this whole situation felt wrong, it also felt right. Like you were meant to be here.

You saved your old room for last, pushing the cracked door open and looking into the room. It wasn’t yours anymore but for some reason, it still felt familiar. Like you’d spent enough time here to know that the placement of everything was where it should be. The bed, the desk, all the desk supplies. Everything was in its rightful place.

You walked into the room slowly, looking around, eyes landing on the bed. Walking over cautiously, you sat on the edge, running your palm over the sheets as another memory flashed before your eyes. Late nights lying on this bed, talking to… him. Sitting on it against the wall, watching him work at his desk.

Getting up, you walked over to the desk and looked around the details, everything was where it should be. Finally, you noticed the notepad and reached for it hesitantly. You grabbed it carefully, bringing it up to flip through the pages, your breath catching in your throat as you noticed something.

Your own handwriting.

Little notes to the owner of the desk saying things like “don’t give up!” and “you can do it!” You didn’t realize tears were spilling from your eyes, staining your cheeks until a drop fell onto the notepad page you were looking at.

Setting the pad back down, you exited the room and headed back into the living area where Jihoon was still standing behind the kitchen island. He glanced up as you walked in. Noticing your tear stained cheek, he started to move but hesitated, ultimately deciding against it.

As you looked at Jihoon, another memory made itself known. You were looking at Jihoon, standing in the exact same spot as he sipped on a cup of coffee. He glanced up, smiling at you. You couldn’t remember exactly why but it was a very important day that day.

You remembered very clearly what he said to you. And more importantly, what you said to him.

You cleared your throat, drawing Jihoon’s attention, the memory fading and allowing you to see him standing before you. “I…” your voice trailed off as your words failed you. How could you even begin to explain what you’d just experienced? Lucky for you, Jihoon needed no explanation.

“You remember, don’t you?” he asked softly. You nodded, a soft sob escaping your lips as your knees buckled. Jihoon was quick, rushing to your side as you started forward and caught you, the two of you falling to the wooden floor, kneeling as he pulled you into his arms.

You remembered wanting this more than anything. Wanting him to be able to hold you. To feel you.

The reality of it was surreal. He was holding you. He was holding you. He was holding you.

“Do you remember that last morning?” he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper. You nodded, fresh tears flowing as you looked into his eyes. “Do you remember what I told you?” he asked. Again, you nodded, the words clearer in your mind than anything else.

“And do you remember what you said to me?”

You nodded once more, the tears flowing freely.

“What did I say to you?” Jihoon asked, his eyes looking into yours, brimming with unshed tears.

You took a deep breath.

Instead of answering him, you leaned in, your lips pressing against his. It was as if everything fell into place at that moment. Your life suddenly made sense. All your feelings since waking up made perfect sense; why Jihoon was in your hospital room; why Soonyoung seemed familiar; why you found comfort in Seungcheol’s presence. This is where you belonged. This was your home. Jihoon was your home. 

And it was time to return.

fin.

ⓘ All graphics made by me. Content and support banners made using a template made by cafekitsune. I do not allow reposts, translations, or continuations of my works. All writing and graphics are ©️ kwanisms.

[psiionic]

i have been non stop thinking about schizophrenic latula again. of course i could always repeat the same things i always say, latuda is a mood stablizer and it doesn't make sense that a pyrope would become anxious out of nowhere because their family line never implies that pyropes ever have a "shy" phase and are entirely more likely to fall down the line of obsession and depression and spiralling over minor things. but i was talking to my friend about the alternian economic system and we came to the realization that alternia is likely a much more scripted planet than we initially assumed, since it's essentially a planet that focuses on pumping out child soldiers i believe that their economic system is almost completely falsified by the HIC and higher powers, each caste is set up with a projected job, a certain amount of money, a specific living situation and lusus to groom them into the perfect position they'll take as an adult once exiled from the planet and gaining their title. ive already spoken about how i believe that the beforan trolls are all essentially encouraged to pick a persona to "brand" themselves as in a show of personal expression that is expected of them by the government, but it got me thinking about how these two things interact with eachother. flarping is such a popular game on alternia specifically because all the kids are, essentially, larping as their projected adult counterparts until they leave planet. thats why there doesn't seem to be any ACTUAL job structure, the janitors are all kids pretending to be janitors until they leave planet, and highbloods commission people with their government allotted money, which funds the economy as well. there are mentions that if you don't "play your role right" you'll be culled and its because they figured out a system to learn who is willing to play the right role and who isnt BEFORE they have the power to actually harm the empire, which is NOT ON THE PLANET. drones kill anyone who steps out of line and its called culling because theyre still little kids. its like taking out the "bad actors" in a play, they arent needed, itll stall the progress of the machine. all of the characters essentially have a pre-determined role and persona they can fall into, and if they refuse to play along or start to look at the fact that theyre in a roleplaying game for too long they'll be culled.

anyways. this leads me to believe that because beforus is a planet without the exiling system, that means it's likely a system where no one ever stops playing "pretend." due to there being no expansion, the only thing that matters is appearance. It doesn't exactly matter how good you are at something, culling doesn't need to mean killing, it just means you lose your right on how to present yourself. You were clearly unable to play your part because you were too dumb or too pitiable and need someone else to ensure youre able to be presentable as the persona they choose for you.

this leads me back to latula. i believe that as a knight of mind, latula likely was able to see right through the pretend games that they were all playing extremely fast, but due to a knights innate questioning of themselves and their own thoughts, she was likely easily convinced that the problem was not the system but HER actually, for scrutinizing the system. calling people fake or invalid or implying they aren't what they actually are i'd imagine is a very strong offense in a society exclusively centered around always wearing masks. i also feel like this is exactly why all of the dancestors show that they are deeply disconnected from who they truly are, with mituna being the only one who couldn't keep up appearance and therefor had to have his autonomy stripped not just by beforus but by the narrative itself, disconnecting him from who he used to be by force. latula likely takes medication not for social anxiety but because she quite literally ruminates too much, i can see her being anxious in a paranoid and pointed way specifically at forces that be, especially considering how mind players act, but i cannot for the life of me ever see latula being the shy socially anxious fluttershy type i constantly see (or at least SAW) her be portrayed as. while this doesn't specifically point to schizophrenia, due to what latuda actually treats, it's my favorite headcanon to apply to her.

[martelldragon]

anti targs love acting like Targaryen women, specially Rhaenyra and Daenerys, haven’t experienced trauma. the “alicent’s big doe eyes” thing and dany antis who pit Sansa against her (but like Cersei ironically) and treat her pain like it is non-existent. I get that show!Alicent is (sadly) different than book!Alicent, but show!Alicent would not get nearly as much sympathy if she were like her book counterpart.

LOOK AT THIS GIRL. Does she look like she’s been having a great time?

Targaryens, especially Targaryen women don’t need to be “villains” and non-targ women don’t need to be the epitome of innocence and above criticism like how the show runners and TG treat Alicent or an “enemy” of the Targaryens like some people want Sansa (as well as Arya) to be.

Rhaenyra was a child too. She was the same age as Alicent at the start of the show and in the book I think she was around 7 while Alicent was either an older teen or an adult at the beginning. Dany was 13 at the beginning of AGOT and in the show I believe 16. They started as scared young girls going through trauma too, just because members of their family, mostly men, were shitty DOESN’T make them evil or unsympathetic. Dany’s story is literally about her MAKING CHANGE and being different from her ancestors.

Sansa hate not welcome just to be safe.

[literallyjusttoa]

Hey guys! I'm putting out a call for my commissions again for two big reasons: One, Emergencies have caused me to be low on funds when I wasn't expecting it, and that kind of sucks actually. Two, I have a project that I've been dreaming about for years but have actually been able to start working towards in the last couple of months, but to finish it I need to not be living paycheck to paycheck for like a month at the very least, which brings me back to point one :(. I will talk more about the big project under the cut, bc I think it's something you all might really enjoy!

But for now, I will link my commission sheet: Here (It's also my pinned post)

And my new Ko-fi!: Here for if you just want to donate, which would be literally incredible and I would owe you my soul actually.

Ok now for big Project Time!!!

I am in the process of editing and revising my first Youtube video! This has been an on and off dream of mine for like 7 years at this point, but I've finally taken the plunge and gotten to work on a channel. I wanna talk about all sorts of fandoms (including the riordanverse ofc) With videos ranging from plot and character analysis, to trends in fandom culture in general, to fun little ranking videos and speedpaints. All around, I just want the channel to be a fandom hive, where everyone can find something they enjoy.

I already have PNG's created of my sona to use as assets (And I have a sparkly new sona, the one in the pic above!) and I have two finished scripts, with the first one being fully recorded as well! One for my first video, which will be a retrospective on Gravity Falls, and one for a video about the Percy Jackson TV show, the inherent differences between TV and books as mediums, how I think the TV show could improve, and the things I think it got perfectly. I also have a bunch more ideas, such as:

BIG Trials of Apollo video essay, with a focus on how the books and the fandom have effected me over the years.

Ranking all of my favorite characters from all of the media I've been a fan of over the years (This would be over 70 characters)

Explaining the Iliad, but make it funny (with a side of Troy apologia)

Reading Lore Olympus and pointing out how it deviates from myth (the things I'm willing to do for you people /j)

Canon vs. Fanon, where I compare a characters canon characterization with their fanon counterpart and try to figure out how things turned out the way they did.

And more, but I don't want this post to be 5000 words long.

Now here's the big question. As I said in the part above, I'm struggling a bit now money-wise. And I really wanna make this project work, but there's also, you know. Tuition. Rent. Food. Stupid other adult stuff. So if anyone is amenable (and this is totally up to demand, I don't wanna pressure anyone into doing anything!) I was also thinking of maybe making a Patreon. Now, I'd have to do research for this, bc I wanna make sure anyone who signed up would get the right rewards and really get the bang for their buck. I'm pretty sure there's not gonna be much interest in this rn, cuz like, I'm not that big of a blog oof. But if anyone is interested! Here are some of the perks I would definitely be implementing! (sry it's another list)

Early access to videos, and behind the scenes looks at art assets and video creation

the ability to request topics for videos

Patrons names being shown in the videos. And higher tiered patrons getting custom chibis that will be shown in videos as well (and given to the patrons obv)

This ones a bit complicated, but I want to create a cover of a song that has to do with each video to play during their outros. So like, for the gravity falls video, I'm gonna record a quick cover of the Disco Girl song from the show. Only a small section of the song would be in each video, but patrons would get access to the full covers, and be able to request songs to be covered.

Discounts on commissions

A monthly speedpaint that would be exclusive to patreon. Patrons would be able to vote on what the drawing would be.

All of these ideas I'm 100% sure I want to add to a patreon if I make one, but obv there could be more that comes up later. I'm just gauging interest on this idea rn, so let me know if that's something you'd be down to sign up for! Maybe I'm jumping the gun here but I'm just really excited to create and give back to the community and aaahhhhh

Now, no matter what, I'm gonna have this first video out by mid-September at the latest. Because stupid money troubles are not gonna stop me from making this a thing dangit. So look out for that, I'll link the vid here when it releases! But I am just really stressed rn and any support would go a long way towards making this dream come true. And on that note, one more sappy real talk if I am allowed it?

If you've read this far, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. This community and fandom is truly incredible. My blog is about to reach 5 years old, and I've never seen a group of people so accepting and creative and just fun to be around. You guys have truly changed my life, and I wouldn't have the courage to try for this if I didn't have the support you've given me. I know this is super dramatic for just trying to make a youtube channel, but making a place where I could just talk about all the nerdy and overly specific things I care about and share them with the world is something I've wanted for my whole life. You guys gave me that with this blog, and if this channel works out, it'll be thanks to you, so you'll have given it to me twice. I don't have the words to express how much I love this community and all the incredible people in it. So even if you can't support, just know that being here for however long you have been, whether it's the whole five years or the last two days, has done more than you'll ever know. You guys are the best, thank you for everything <3

[ariadnesweb]

Weird to call Akio the show's 'representation of the patriarchy', because while no one would deny that he is the show's main patriarchTM, the show is not subtle at all about it's symbolic patriarchy within the student council, where social and gendered power rests. Within it, the student council dispute for the ideal among the ideal, the ability to polish their swords into eternal bliss alongside the rose bride, the shape of the world transformed into their own personal affirmations and anxieties - they just have to win the rose bride long enough for a miracle.

The student council is formed of imperfect patriarchs: Saionji at one point literally owned the rose bride, but he lost, and his sensitive impulsivity quickly gains him the repudiation of the rest of the student council - Saionji himself remains too stubborn to recognize this; Miki likes the illusion of perfection, and has a strong pulse on the social requirements of princehood, but is completely disinterested in committing to any of its responsibilities, and hasn't resolved his prior commitments to his current family; Touga makes a case for his ownership of Anthy, and lacks the obvious flaws both Miki & Saionji have, but doesn't have courage (resilience?) to return to the Student Council after getting beat by Utena, and his duties as president are soon recovered by his sister, and his authority overshadowed by Akio.

While Juri and Utena could not reasonably be called patriarchs, their relationships with other girls are defined by a coldhearted individualism in which only they, and they alone, are real people. Shiori is Juri's pretty jealous former best friend, and Anthy is Utena's annoying and clingy charge to protect. Beyond that, neither of them really connects with other women, partially due to their interests, partially because they single-mindedly overshadow the girls they surround themselves with, ala Wakaba & Nanami. Their own relationship is terse and hard to communicate. While Juri and Utena are driven by a proud and admirable determination, their isolation makes it easy for their 'love interests' (Ruka & Akio) to overshadow and undermine their place in the student council.

Nanami is a double-edged case - she is both the loudest and punitive with the social and gendered power given to her as 'Touga's Dear Younger Sister', quickly asserting it against women and children, she is also the most vulnerable to having said power used against her, placed as she is to depend on Touga, and alienated from the other girls who would understand her. Not that the other girls are liable to help her - they too have their complexes and insecurities. Though if all the other duelists are direct mirrors to Akio's relationship with Anthy, Nanami is a mirror to Anthy herself, and the idea of stolen power. Nanami is the Rose Bride's shadow counterpart, the Witch Sister who sneaks her place alongside boys who don't quite belong to her.

Of course, to all of these people, Akio is 'the Prince' - he's an adult, he has a car, he knows more than them, he has more experience than them in the matters of sex, he owns the Rose Bride in a way none of them can as her only older blood relative, he's the vice president of Ohtori.

That's not the reason Akio is Miss Utena's prince to banish, though. If we were looking at Akio from a different perspective, we could see he's imperfect too: stuck operating in the shadows, marrying into a higher-class family, isolated alongside Anthy as one of the only (presumed) indian persons in the school, defined by his failures as Prince Dios, and stuck in an incomprehensibly tangled love affair (...the importance of fucking your sister, your fiancee, your fiancee's mom, and anyone your sister could call a friend all at the same time). The thing is, compared to the other members of the student council, who go on about princes-princesses and their shining things, Akio is seemingly approachable as a married man, and as Utena's best girlfriend's brother, who does not talk about those things, and seems to treat Utena with respect.

And isn't that the dream every girl prince has? To find a peer that treats you as an equal? And as a child trying to grow up - someone who can show you what adulthood is like? Someone who could kindly teach you beyond the world you already know? Is it the End of the World? That's surely what a girl trying to become a woman is searching for.

(Except, and this is what Utena struggles to identify, Akio does not treat Utena like a peer, Akio treats nobody like a peer. Only superiors to appease, or children to keep distracted.)

[avelera]

Headcanon: ADHD Hob and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

So I went down the rabbithole on ADHD and rejection sensitivity dysphoria (and found this lecture that legit made me tear up if you have or think you have ADHD, go listen to it here) and it got me thinking, as everything is wont to do, about Hob Gadling and how if he had ADHD, which I think there's lots of fun in-text hints at that at least allow that interpretation, what are some other ways that could manifest besides his ebullient and never-ending love of life in all its endless variety?

So as sufferers of ADHD know, it's not all fun and games. The flip side of living with a dopamine-starved brain that's always seeking out new experiences and seeing the world through that lens is that other emotions slam us hard too, like rejection sensitivity dysphoria aka, "the most minor criticism can feel like an actual knife in the chest, no I don't mean mildly bummed out, I mean full on fight-or-flight brain meltdown because someone told you a comma is in the wrong place in your manuscript (not that I'm speaking from personal experience yes it's that dumb)".

ANYWAY, so I'm thinking about Hob and RSD and specifically 1789.

Specifically the line, "It's just how it's done," referring to horrific practice of human trafficking and how Hob basically shrugs while, to his minor credit, looking suddenly uncomfortable and guilty, about the fact he actively profits from this industry, and the way he cringes in on himself when called out kinda seems to indicate that he knows it's a vile practice and isn't super comfortable with being reminded of his fact by someone he respects, like Dream.

A couple notes on that little exchange between Hob and Dream:

1 ) The face Ferdinand Kingsley-as-Hob makes in that moment is absolute textbook adult ADHD rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Namely, the point where you know criticism hits you like a knife in the heart, particularly from people you respect, and you just have to cover that flinch of literal physical pain with a careful poker face.

The way Hob's tone suddenly goes cold and with his very genteel, received-pronunciation manners he levels Dream with perhaps the closest he's ever come at this point to lashing out, "You're giving me advice...?"

I'm not saying that canonically it's RSD, or that neurotypical people don't suffer pain and disappointment when receiving disapproval, but to my eyes at least, Ferdie Hob takes Dream's comment very seriously, much more so than the comic counterpart did (who needed multiple nudges before he even realized what Dream was trying to tell him about getting out of the shipping business and still seemed a bit clueless about why Dream would want that or care by the end).

2 ) Going into proper headcanon territory, I personally chart Hob's journey from destitute to wealthy slave trader as the product of someone who stopped giving a shit about others after everything he suffered in the 1600s. To be perfectly clear, this is not a fucking excuse for it, it's an examination of motives.

Because technically, after everything Hob suffered in the 1600s, he could have emerged with more empathy for the plight of others. But clearly that didn't happen. From an entirely human motivation level, that leads me personally to the conclusion that since no one helped Hob when he was at his lowest (not even Dream, though I dearly wish it was otherwise and wrote extensively on what would have happened if he had) that led him to the belief, put simply, that fuck the world so long as he got his. Why should he care about anyone else if no one cared about him?

But to go back to the topic of this essay, RSD, there's an additional element to that theory on why and how Hob leaned into not giving a shit about others, and that missing factor from what's described above is the element of everyone is doing it. Specifically worded as, "It's just how it's done."

Another really fascinating lecture I listened to on ADHD talked about how the most common trauma reaction ADHDers have to their sense of rejection, shame, and guilt that comes the way our brains react to the world is by hiding. And that also got me thinking about 1789 Hob in this context.

Because Hob as we see him in 1589 is loud in his happiness. He's sitting there, bold as brass in the middle of the White Horse, showing off his wealth with a banquet, loudly declaiming about how he pretended to be his own son twice, worked in the Tudor shipyards (what would have been 50+ years before) and just how he spent the last 100 years working his way up to his knighthood. The man does not have an ounce of caution in him. But, he is also by far the happiest we ever see Hob (up until Dream ditches him in the middle of their date).

This is important because to my eyes, Hob is living openly and unashamed and with only the barest hint of caution typified by pretending to be his own son every couple decades. The way he describes his last 100 years sounds like an ADHD dream, basically getting a boat load of money from Caxton's printing press (basically the first tech startup unicorn of the modern era) and then running around wherever his interests took him where he also made money hand over fist, kept climbing, and eventually reached the point where he could purchase the acclaim and regard of a member of the (albeit minor) nobility. All of this after being born a peasant. That's just validation and money and prestige and getting to pursue your special interest and live as your authentic self all over the place. And I do mean authentic, Hob doesn't even seem particularly worried about talking openly in the White Horse about being 200+ years old, a strong case could be made that he's not that careful in his personal life either.

So anyway, Hob has this amazing century literally followed by the worst century imaginable, filled with the sort of horrors that can tear a man's soul asunder. Losing his family, his beloved wife in childbirth with their new baby, his adult son, his home, his money, everything he spent a century building. His title and name are gone too because of the nature of how he lost it with the accusation of witch craft, which also means he can't just fake being his own son again to get it all back because they're explicitly going to notice that this time.

And how did this all happen? Because Hob got noticed. He lived there 40 years, overconfident is his own words. Which is a wild thing to say about a bunch of witch hunters showing up at his door! He blames himself for being drowned as a witch. On the one hand, I imagine he has to think that way because otherwise he has to admit to the sheer brutal randomness of life, so in a way he's trying to take control of the narrative by blaming himself.

But it also smacks of ADHD again because ADHDers very commonly shift the blame onto themselves after years of their unique nervous system response making them a round peg in a square hole of wider society. We learn over and over that the mistakes we make are our fault, because of "laziness" or "apathy" which isn't apathy at all but deep agony over our inability to accomplish tasks in a neurotypical way without the support we need, but I digress. But it sure sounds like Hob may have been paralyzed by grief for literal decades and then blamed himself for not getting the mental spoons together in that context to move on and reinvent his life after losing his wife and child. Which would be a very ADHD thing to do.

So after this absolutely brutal smackdown by reality for living too openly, too loud, too ADHD, getting paralyzed by the powerful emotions he felt (if we follow the headcanon) over the grief and loss in his life, what is Hob's next step?

Hiding.

Blending in.

Not rocking the boat.

And again, not excusing it, there's plenty of other industries he could have gone into to blend in that didn't involve human trafficking. That said, if he went to sea, which we know Hob did on many occasions from the comic, it would be seen by his peers there at sea as a normal way to make one's fortune, and then.... well, we have as evidence that this is his current peer-group the sort-of pride with which Hob announces how he's making his fortune these days in the "shipping business", as if he's expecting Dream's approval.

That to me, reads a bit like the people pleaser/social chameleon aspect of ADHD. Hob is expecting to be praised for being successful by Dream the way he would likely be praised by his peers in the shipping business or among the wealthy privileged men of England. He's so steeped in that world now that he's clearly taken aback when Dream takes the (at the time more radical but not uncommon) stance of, "This is wrong."

And Hob knew it. But he was blending in. He was going along with how things are done. He wasn't rocking the boat. He has other hints at trauma responses too, "salting money around the world" in case there's political upheaval, for example. This is not the loud, boisterous Sir Robert Gadlen untouched by loss or trauma. He has been humbled and tempered and, indeed, made afraid by what happened to him.

This sort of wild swing towards protectiveness? Again, also ADHD. As the lecturer I linked first noted, ADHDers are textbook defenders. They are always defending themselves from the world that can suddenly, unexpectedly, plant a knife in their heart because of a perceived rejection. From a world that wants their brain to work in a way it doesn't, so they have to come up with myriad painful coping mechanisms to fit in, blend in, mask, and function. Hob was forced to protect himself after the 1600s, so he did, with money, and with not caring about other people, and with insulating himself from privilege, and becoming a social chameleon.

1589 Hob tries to earn back Dream's interest, but he doesn't fawn. Dream shows interest in Shaxberd and Hob, already starting to get irritated, tells him no, Shaxberd is crap.

And you can tell in 1789 that Hob is thinking about that day again when he gets Dream's disapproval, because who does he reference? That lad, Will Shaxberd. He's fearing rejection and abandonment again, or at least it's crossed his mind after Dream's admonishment. But this time, Hob is fawning more, very nearly flirting. He's trying to play the game better this time, trying to keep Dream's interest, social chameleoning the subject onto safer topics, things he thinks will interest Dream, as Shaxberd so clearly did, so let's talk about him if that's what you care about. Again, another ADHD social chameleon, people pleaser aspect. We are nervous empaths, we are constantly picking up a bazillion signals both real and imagined. And we're so fucking terrified of that RSD knife in the heart, we become people pleasers to avoid it. After the shipping business brag fell through, Hob pivots to talking about Dream and what, in his experience, Dream seems to like and talk about favorably.

So anyway, many many ADHD-esque rambling words later, there's a few more little details I'd add to the list of "possible ADHD behavior, not just the fun parts" for Hob Gadling. Is it canon? Maybe not. But it does make for a great headcanon, in my opinion.