#they need to tear each other apart physically and sexually

[sweatyrickgrimes]

i want them to claw and bite and snarl and bleed for each other, the sound of cracking bones and pained gasps, leather on skin, skin under their nails, they brandish their teeth like animals, one with a smile and the other with a promise to bite

[wwilsonbarness]

the three words

pairings: bucky barnes x y/n reader  

based on the request below ⬇️⬇️

Ok, here it goes. Can I request a story where y/n is dating Bucky, it's new, like they haven't had sex yet, they both love each other and want to have sex, but Y/n is a survivor of SA, and Bucky will be the first guy she will be with since the assault happen. Can you write about how Bucky will take the news of the assault and how he helps Y/n move past what happened and build a life with him? A bit of Angst, a little bit of smut and a whole lot of fuff.

warnings: smut 18+ (unprotected sex, fingering, creampie), discussion of past sexual assault on reader, insecure thoughts (reader), angst, fluff, bucky is an absolute sweetheart 😭- let me know if I missed any ;) 

word count: 6206 - oops

a/n: Please pay attention to the warnings and don’t read if it will trigger you in any way. The reader blames herself for her SA but please know that if you have ever experienced anything like this it was not your fault, I hope you’re doing okay and I’m proud of you <3 

Feedback, likes and reblogs are much appreciated :) 

I do not give permission for my work to be copied, reposted or translated on any other platform.

masterlist

Bucky notices you sniffling and pulls you closer towards him, he doesn’t hide his laughter and you know exactly why. Movie nights had always been a part of your relationship and without fail they always made you cry.

“Doll, this is supposed to be a happy movie.” Bucky whispered close to your ear. 

You turn your head and look up to see him smiling down at you. “It is happy,” you wipe your eyes trying to stop the tears from falling, “these are happy tears.” Bucky couldn’t help but laugh a little more, he loved these little things about you, like the way you always cried when watching movies, the way you always laugh at someone's jokes even if they aren't even remotely funny, the way you will always make sure to have his favourite snacks when you invite him over, but especially the way you make him feel. He had spent his whole life waiting to feel this way with someone, and with everything that has happened to him he really didn't think he would ever get the chance. You felt the same way towards him, you’d only been dating for a few months but you truly loved him. You just hadn’t been able to bring yourself to say the three words to him, part of you was scared he wouldn’t say it back.

You managed to get through the last part of the movie only crying a couple times before the credits started rolling. You hadn’t realised how late it had gotten before you saw the time on your phone, Bucky had stayed over a few times in your apartment and you loved having him there, you felt safe with him beside you but sometimes the tiny voice in the back of your mind convinced you things would go wrong, tonight you decided you weren’t going to listen to that voice. 

“You wanna stay tonight?” you asked hesitantly, what if he said no? 

“Course I do doll, if you’re okay with it?”

“Always.” you shoot a smile up at him to show you were truly happy for him to stay over. 

“I’ll be through in a minute, I just need to wash my face okay?” you say as you stand up and start walking towards the bathroom. 

“Okay, doll.” When you get to your bedroom you see Bucky in the middle of taking his pants down, you couldn’t deny the physical attraction you had for him, you even craved his touch but you weren’t ready to do that with him. Not yet. 

“I put a toothbrush beside the sink for you.”

“Thank you,” Bucky comes over to you and brings his lips to your forehead for a soft kiss, “I’ll just be a minute.” You nod your head in reply and begin to change into your pyjamas. You opted for a thin shorts and t-shirt set, remembering last time Bucky stayed over and your bed became way too warm, he was like a walking heater. 

“Cute pj’s.” 

“It’s just plain shorts and a shirt Buck.” you say back with a smile on your face.

He comes up behind you and wraps his arms around you, “Well, I think you look very cute,” you feel your cheeks flush as he says it. He pulls away and climbs into the right side of the bed, knowing you prefer the left side and pats the space beside him. “You comin doll?” You climb in beside him and practically melt into his touch. 

He brings his face down to yours and leans in for a kiss, a slow, deep kiss and you lean into it, kissing him back. He moves his fingers up to your arm and starts to trail his fingers in circles over it, slowly moving to your chest, his lips following the same direction. You could tell what he wanted to do but you weren't ready for it, it took a second for you to say the words that were racing through your brain, “Wait Bucky, stop.” Your words came out a lot softer than you meant them to, you were almost scared he wouldn’t listen, but he backs away from you instantly and looks up to see your eyes becoming glossy. 

“What's wrong? Are you okay?” You could see the concern in his eyes and you hated yourself for making him worry. You hated yourself for not being able to give him what he wanted, you knew he deserved a girlfriend who could make him feel good. 

“I’m fine, but um,” you pause and take a breath before continuing “can we just cuddle tonight?” your voice was just as soft as before, and he could tell.

His eyes softened at your question, “Yeah baby, of course.” He lies back down and pulls you gently next to him. You lay your head down on his chest and get comfortable, he can feel the deep sigh of relief you take.

A couple minutes of silence pass before you can bring yourself to speak, and all you can manage is “I’m sorry.”

“Y/n, I promise, you have nothing to be sorry for. We don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to do, okay?” You try to answer him but you can’t find any words so you just nod against his chest. He rubs his hand gently over your arm trying to comfort you, the most important thing to him was that the girl he loved felt safe with him and he hoped you knew that. You had to know that right? That he loved you? 

You wanted to thank him for understanding and for not forcing you to do anything you didn't want to do but you couldn’t. Not without telling him about what happened to you, and you weren't ready to do that yet. You desperately wanted to tell him you loved him, to say those three words to him but the little voice in the back of your mind has once again taken control. He wouldn’t love you back, you know he wouldn’t and it would ruin everything. 

You try to push those thoughts far out of your mind and let sleep take over. 

You're not sure when you managed to fall asleep but when you woke up the space beside you was empty, he left? Did you scare him away? That thought doesn’t last long because you hear a bang in the kitchen and run through to find Bucky and the floor covered in waffle batter. 

You try to hide your giggles and ask if he’s okay but you nearly double over from laughing so hard. You finally manage to string together a sentence, “What happened in here?” 

Bucky did not find the batter spilling that funny but when he saw you laughing over it his heart melted, and he joined you in laughing. “Okay. This was not my fault” he says looking around him.

“Really? You raise your eyebrows and sport a grin on your face, “So who’s fault would it be?” 

“Well..” he pauses trying to think of an excuse but fails, “It was an accident” you walk over to him, looking out for the batter on the way, still laughing at the situation. 

“I suppose I can forgive you this time, but, only if you go change so I can hug you” 

“Just as soon as I clean this up, doll” He goes to grab the paper towels but you get there first.

“I will clean it up, you,” you point towards him “go get changed.” 

“Okay finee,” He sighs, “I will be right back.” 

It doesn’t take long to clean up and once you're finished you notice 3 cooked waffles beside the cooker, they must have been the only ones who survived Bucky’s awful cooking. Behind the waffles are tons of toppings, honey, whipped cream, strawberries and he even had grapes cut up for you, which were your favourite topping. It was unlike him to make breakfast, he would normally insist you go out because of this very reason, it normally ended up in something being broken or burnt. 

“So Chef Barnes, what made you decide to cook breakfast today?” you ask as he strolls back into the kitchen in a much cleaner state. He stands behind you and wraps his arms around you, leaning his head on your shoulder. 

“Just wanted to treat my girl, sorry it didn’t go to plan” you can hear sadness in his voice as he speaks. 

“Hey, we got 3 perfectly good waffles here, and you know what they say.” He turns his head to you, his brows furrowed together, you sense his confusion and continue. “Don’t cry over spilt waffle batter.” You both laugh at your words. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s not the phrase, doll.” 

“Hmm, I’m pretty sure it is,” you tease back. “How ‘bout we try these waffles? I’m looking forward to seeing how much your cooking skills have improved.”

“I wouldn’t get your hopes up too high, but they look kind of okay?” His words slow down as he lifts the waffles up and inspects them. You peck his cheek quickly and lift the toppings off the counter.

“Come on, let’s do a taste test” You move to the table and lay out the toppings whilst Bucky brings over the waffles and orange juice. You both top your waffles, you choose grapes and whipped cream, and Bucky chooses honey, strawberries and cream. Bucky was almost burning a hole in your soul with how hard he was watching you take your first bite, so you decided to tease him. You purposefully make no facial expressions as you finish the bite. 

“So, where did you find the recipe for the waffles?” 

His eyes slightly squint together, “I got Sam to send me one,” You just nod. “Are they bad? I can make you something else if you want, well, not make I've had enough of the kitchen today.”

You finally break character and let out a huge giggle, “I’m just kidding, Buck. They taste really good.” He looks at you and you can tell he’s surprised, not quite believing you. “Really! Try it.” You nod towards his plate.

He takes a bite and chews slowly, almost scared of his own cooking skills before a smirk creeps onto his face. “You know what, I don’t think I’ll retire my chefs hat quite yet.” 

“As long as you promise to let me know next time, so I can have the fire extinguisher on standby.” The rest of breakfast went just like that, teasing each other, laughing together, everything felt good again. 

Bucky couldn’t stay with you for much longer that day, he had to go to the compound and meet Sam for training and preparation for a mission they had planned this week. You were sad he had to go but you knew it was important, plus it gave you time to go into work for a bit and check everything was okay with your store. You took a step back from working a couple years ago when things got a little too much, and thankfully you had great employees who could manage most of the workload without you, but as the owner you still had a lot to manage. Which is why you decided to go in today, you ended up serving customers and you enjoyed it. You didn’t think you would ever feel okay enough to work in the front again, things were really looking up for you. You worked until close and decided to stay longer to catch up on the paperwork you originally came to do until around 9pm when Bucky texts you. 

Buck

Hey doll, you alright? Sorry I’ve not been near my phone all day

You

I’m good! Miss you though :( 

Buck

I miss you too! Have you eaten yet? 

You 

No, I’ve been at the store all day, you? 

Buck 

I’ll be done here in like 30 minutes, want me to bring dinner around? 

You 

I would love that 😚

Buck 

See you soon, doll 

You finish the folder you are working on and head home, arriving just a few minutes before Bucky. 

“How many people are we feeding Buck?” you tease. He’s balancing 3 bags of food in his arms when he walks in. 

“I may or may not have gone a tad overboard, butttt,” he trails off as he puts the bags down and digs through one of them, “I got your favourite pasta.” He pulls a box out of the bag and holds it up. 

Your eyes light up at the box and the biggest smile appears on your face which makes Bucky’s heart melt. “Thank you,” you kiss his cheek, “you’re the best.” 

You both plate your food up and sit at the table to eat. Bucky tells you all about the ways Sam annoyed him today, even though you know they’re secretly best friends. You told him all about your day, even though you felt like it was pretty boring he listened to every word.

Before you know it, it was late again, and just like the night before you ask Bucky to stay over but his response is different tonight.

“Do you want me to?” His voice was smaller than usual, like it was lined with doubt. 

You did want him to stay, you hoped he knew that. “I do Buck, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to” You tried to hide the shakiness in your voice but Bucky could hear it. 

“I do, I swear I do,” he goes silent for a few seconds before he finds the words he’s trying to say. “Do you feel safe with me?” His question catches you off guard, so off guard that it takes you a minute to process it. 

“I do Bucky.” 

“I promise I would never hurt you, and I’m really sorry for last night, I never want to make you feel uncomfortable, and you being safe is the most important thing for me.” You could feel tears starting to form and take a deep breath to try and stop them. The thing was they weren't sad tears, they weren't happy tears either, but they were because you believed every single word Bucky had said to you, you did feel safe with him, you truly believed he would never hurt you, and you loved him.

Before you say anything to him you pull him in for a hug, he wraps his arms around you tightly and you can both tell neither of you want to let go, but you force yourself to. You had been debating with yourself for weeks on whether you could open up to him but tonight you had no doubts, you trusted him fully and finally felt ready to tell him. 

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable, I mean it wasn’t your fault, and it’s not that I didn’t want to, I’m just not ready for that yet” You’re looking at him as you speak trying to sense how he is feeling, but all you can see in his eyes are care and concern for you. Seeing that he cares for you pushes you to keep going. “Can you promise not to judge me if I tell you something ?” You knew he wouldn’t but you still felt the need to ask.

“Doll, I would never, I promise. Listen, if you want to tell me this you can but do not feel like you have to okay? It’s your choice, and whenever you’re ready to talk I will listen to you. Always.” What he really wanted to say was that he loved you but he didn’t want to overwhelm you.

You nod your head as he speaks to you, but find yourself looking down before you continue speaking. “There was this man, he’d been coming into the store a lot and he would always chat to me, he seemed like a really nice guy. He would always ask how I was and how my day was going. I even started to like him.” Your breathing starts to quicken and you try to keep yourself calm but you felt like you were reliving what happened and it scared you.

“Take your time, Y/n. Breathe, it’s okay”

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologise for, it’s okay, take your time, take a break if you need to.” 

You shake your head when he suggests taking a break, you knew if you stopped you wouldn’t be able to start again. You lower your head down to where your hands are playing with each other, and try and catch your breath before speaking again.

“It was just a normal day, he came in, in the morning and we spoke like usual. It wasn’t until I was walking home that I saw him again. It was really dark out and I thought someone was following me, I felt like I was being watched and then he appeared on the other side of the street. I feel so stupid for it now but I was relieved, it was someone I sort of knew so when he offered to walk me home I said yes, I thought that was better than walking alone in the dark.” 

You were trying so hard to stop the tears leaving your eyes but it felt impossible, you weren't just sad over reliving what happened but you were angry, at him and at yourself. If you had just made a different choice that night everything would have been different.

“Everything was fine for a few minutes, then he started putting his arm around me and I asked him nicely to move it, but instead of moving it away he moved it lower. I kept asking him to stop but he wouldn’t, he just kept touching me. I tried to get away from him but he pulled me into an alley and pinned me against the wall.”

You still hadn’t looked back up at Bucky so you had no idea how he was reacting to this, you just hoped he wouldn’t hate you after or look at you any different. What you couldn’t see was that Bucky was holding back his tears, he had an idea of what you were going to say - even though he’d hoped he was wrong -  and with every word you said he got sadder, but he knew this wasn’t the time for him to be upset, he just wanted to make sure you were okay. 

“I told him no, I told him I didn’t want it but he kept saying I didn’t know what I wanted and that he would show me, I wanted to scream but it was like my voice was trapped, I was so scared but there was nothing I could do stop him, I swear I tried to fight him. He just wouldn't stop.” The words were spilling out of you at this point, you couldn’t control them. “He didn’t stop until he'd decided he'd had enough and then he just walked away like he did nothing wrong, like everything was fine. I ran home and it hadn’t really set in what had happened, it didn’t until the next day when I was back at work and he came in again acting nice again, like the night before never happened. That’s when I realised it was wrong, that it was beating me up inside but he was fine. That’s why I took a step back from work, I haven't seen him since that day.” This was when you looked up at Bucky, you could see the tears forming on his eyelashes but he wasn’t letting them run, he looked angry, not at you of course but your brain convinced you he was. You panicked at the thought of that, maybe he believed it was your fault? Your breathing started to speed up and you could feel your heart beat faster and faster like it was going to jump out your chest, and you suddenly felt like you had to defend yourself for what happened.

“I know I probably shouldn’t have been walking home alone, especially in the dark, and I know I must have led him on at some point, maybe when he came into work or on the walk home or maybe I said-” before you can blame yourself anymore Bucky stops you. He wanted to let you talk, he wanted to listen like he said he would but he could not let you blame yourself for this. He so badly wanted to reach out and physically comfort you but he didn’t want to panic you more.

“Y/n, you are not to blame for what happened to you, this is not on you, it’s on the guy who assaulted you, and it never should have happened.” Bucky is the first person you’ve told about this so hearing these words felt like a weight was being lifted off of you. He believed you. He didn’t blame you for it. “Can I hug you?” 

You nod your head, you missed the safe feeling you got when he held you in his arms. “It’s not your fault this happened. I’m here for you, okay? We can just stay like this all night if you want, whatever you need.”

You did want that, it was everything you wanted and needed, to be held by the one person who made you feel safe and loved. “Thank you Bucky.”

“It’s okay doll, no need to thank me” He brings his head down to yours and softly kisses your forehead. “It’s okay.” That’s how the rest of the night went, cuddled up on the couch until you both fell asleep. 

When you woke up the next morning Bucky was still asleep, you were still in his arms but you didn’t make any effort to move, this was the place you needed to be in right now. You’re not sure how long you lay there but soon Bucky starts to move beside you. 

You turn to him “Hi.” His eyes open slowly, trying to adjust to the daylight. 

“Hi.” You both let out a small chuckle at how you have woken up. “Have you been up long?” 

“No, sorry for falling asleep on you.” You go to sit yourself up only now realising you were probably squishing him considering your couch wasn’t that big but he gently pulls you back down beside him. 

“Don’t be sorry, I like laying like this” Without realising you melt into his touch, letting his arms gather round you. “Have you got any plans today?” 

Your brows furrow for a second as you try and remember if you had anything planned today, when you’re confident you don't you shake your head. “Do you have to go into the compound today?” 

“Nope. We finished all the prep yesterday, we could do something if you want?”

“Hmm” you pretend to weigh out your options but you have no doubts in saying yes, “I suppose we could do something.” 

“You’re funny,” he teases before an idea pops into his head which gets him excited. “Do you remember that park you were telling me about, with the dog cafe?” Your eyes immediately perk up at the mention of the dog cafe, ever since you saw it online a couple weeks ago you had wanted to go.  

“Yes!”

“You up for going? We can take my bike and go for a drive by the beach after if you want.”

“You know I’ll never say no to going out on your bike.” The first time you went on Bucky’s bike you were terrified but it ended up being some of the most fun you’d had in a long time, and now you jamp at the chance to go on it.

“I swear you love that thing more than me.” he said as he chuckled beside you. 

You laugh at what he says but in your mind you’re thinking that you honestly didn’t think you could love anything or anyone more than him. 

“As much as I’m loving cuddling with you baby, I need a shower.” 

“5 more minutes?” you look up at him and pout your lips a little. 

“I will always say yes to more cuddles.” 

5 minutes turns into 30 but you finally get up and showered, and head out to the cafe. It was everything you could’ve hoped for, you and Bucky had the biggest smiles on your faces the whole time. You were smitten over all the puppies, and so was Bucky, although he was more in love with the owner's little white cat who wouldn’t leave his side. Not that he was complaining, you think that was his favourite part. 

After the cafe Bucky takes you on a ride around the city, it must’ve been for a few hours, making different stops whenever something seemed interesting enough. The final stop you made was the beach, it was a little more into the country so there was a lot less people and noise. You made it just in time for the sun beginning to set, you and Bucky are both leaning against his bike, Bucky has his left arm wrapped around you and you have your head up against his shoulder. It was peaceful, mostly silent, both of you just watching the waves crash against each other. 

You were happy, Bucky was happy, everything was good. Bucky should be looking at the view but he can’t take his eyes off of you, the way your hair is blowing slightly in the wind and the slight curve in your lips every time you see a wave crashing against the sand. He decides he can’t hold it in anymore and breaks the silence. “Y/n?” 

“Hmm?” you lift your head away from him a little so you can see him.

“I love you.” you freeze for a second, in complete shock over his words and he notices so continues speaking, “You don’t have to say it back, but I just want you to know I really love you.” 

“Bucky” You turn your whole body towards him now and lift your feet up a little so you’re level with him. “I love you.”

This was the moment you had been waiting for, you finally said the three words you had been wanting to say. It was perfect, better than you expected, it’s how it always looks in the movies, on a beach at sunset, which some would say is cringy but for you it was perfect. 

From that day your relationship only got better, you missed Bucky when he was away on missions but you’ve started going into the store a few days a week now which helped pass the time. You were still mostly working from home where you felt safer but things were really good. Bucky had helped you through a lot in the last couple months, he supported you through all the times you felt responsible for what happened to you and reassured you that it was not your fault in the slightest. When you had random days where life was just a little bit harder he reassured you that it was okay to have those bad days, and that he was there for you, and that he loved you more than life itself. 

One thing that hadn’t changed in the past couple of months was your sexual relationship with Bucky, you’d made it clear that night that you weren’t ready for anything more to happen and he was okay with that. The truth was he would wait as long as you wanted or needed before doing anything more, he understood why you aren’t ready and respected you. As  much as he likes to pretend he isn't, he actually is a huge cuddle addict, every night he comes home he rushes to hug you and doesn’t want to let go all night. Bucky still had his own apartment but he stayed at yours most nights, it wasn’t official but he had basically moved in, his things had filled up the empty spaces you once had and his own apartment was pretty bare now. 

It had been a normal day up until now, you and Bucky were laying in bed, but you felt different tonight, you’re not sure what shifted but you wanted to take things further. You bring your lips to his neck and whisper into his ear. “I love you.”

Bucky lets out a breathy chuckle as you speak, “I love you too baby.”

You bring your lips closer and place soft little kisses over his neck, whilst you run your fingers through his hair. “That feels nice..” He can feel your smile against his skin, which causes his cheeks to fill with blush. You were craving his touch and you knew he wouldn’t do anything without your permission so you asked for what you wanted, what you needed. 

“Bucky, touch me.” You see his eyes widen at your words, he was slightly surprised. 

“You sure?” You nod but he needs more, “I need words, baby.”

You can’t help the grin starting to form at the thought of being touched by Bucky, “Please touch me.” 

He turns his body around and guides you to lay flat. “You look so pretty.” You blush at his compliments, he notices and decides to keep going. First kissing your neck, “My pretty girl,” he moves lower, kissing your shoulder, and brings his left hand up to your breast. His cold fingers ghost your nipple through your thin shirt which makes you moan quietly, almost a whisper but he heard it. “Feel good baby?” You could feel the heat racing through you, following his line of kisses. 

As you open your mouth to answer he twists your nipple between his two fingers, you bite your bottom lip trying to stifle the moan trying to escape your mouth. “You don’t have to be quiet, I wanna hear how good you feel.” Bucky lifts your shirt up, exposing your breasts, the cold air hits you but not as hard as his cold fingers do. He continues playing with your nipple with his left arm and brings his mouth to the other. 

“Fuckk, that feels so good Bucky..” You weren’t sure if you were making much sense at this point. “Please Buck- Please.” It was like every bit of you was more sensitive than ever, every time his lips touched you it sent a shiver down your spine. You lift your hips up a little hoping to get some friction against your aching core. You feel his cock through his sweatpants, which made you even more excited. 

“What do you want me to do, baby?” He smirks as you look back at him, he knows what you want but he wasn’t going to do it until you asked. You both loved and hated the way he was teasing you, it made you feel so good but you needed more. 

You wrap your hand around his and bring it down to your shorts, “Please touch me Bucky.” You pull your hand away from him and he starts to pull your shorts and panties away from you. His fingers slightly graze your clit which makes you whimper under him, “Fuckk.” 

He runs his fingers up your folds a couple times, you were already so wet and he’d hardly touched you. He starts to run circles over your clit, your head falling back at the feeling, “Like that?” You could practically hear his smirk.

“Yes.. Bucky, keep- Fuck. Keep doing that.” His touch was sending you nearer and nearer to your climax, you didn’t know if it was because you were touch starved or because he was just that good but oh my god it felt amazing. He brings his other hand down and starts to tease your pussy, he drops a ball of spit down onto you and rubs it over his fingers and around your opening. He slowly pushes two of his fingers into you, you go to bite your lip to try and hide your moaning but remember back to him saying he wants to hear you.

It’s almost like he could read your mind, “Fuck baby, you sound so sexy.. squeezing around my fingers so tight.. Fuck.. I can’t wait to feel you around my cock” Your pussy clenches around his fingers at the mention of him being inside you, pushing you closer towards your orgasm.

“Oh. My. God. Bucky, I’m gonna come.” You manage to string together your sentence through your shaky breaths. No one, not even yourself, had made you cum this quickly before. 

“Go on Baby, come for me.” He speeds up his fingers rubbing your clit, which along with his words makes you completely let go and your orgasm rushes through you. 

“Fuckk..” Bucky continues to rub your clit but slows down as you come down from your high, whispering praise into your ears.

“You okay? You did so good.” You’re still catching your breath so you just nod. He moves to cuddle you a bit but you stop him, he’s confused for a second but then sees the smirk on your face. “What?” he teases. Even though you had just come you were still craving more. 

“Buckyy..” you pause for a second, the shyness coming back. “I want more..” Before he can respond, your leg brushes against his cock and he moans at the sensation. 

“Fuck, Baby. You have no idea what you’re doing to me right now.” 

“Show me?” you ask with a smirk. That was all Bucky needed to hear, he starts to take off his sweatpants, you see his cock hit his stomach as his pants fall and a slight whimper leaves your lips. 

“You ready baby?” 

“Please, I want you to fuck me” He presses his cock against your clit and your hips buck up at the feeling. He slides his cock down your folds gathering your wetness, before pushing just the tip in slightly.

He notices your breath hitch and stills himself, “You okay?” 

“Yes.. Go slow please.” he was so much bigger than you had ever had before and even with how wet you were you had to adjust. 

“Okay baby.” He slowly edges himself in more, “Fuckk.. You’re so tight, squeezing my cock so good baby.” His praise was making your pussy squeeze down harder onto him. 

He was fully in you now and he started to thrust in and out, slow at first but gathering speed quickly. “Fuckk.. Bucky. That feels so- so good” 

“Yeah baby?” He puts his hands on your hips and keeps thrusting into you, one thrust deeper than the rest hits that special spot inside of you, your eyes roll back and you gasp at the new sensation. 

“F..Fuck.” You can’t manage to speak properly with how good Bucky is making you feel, you were practically panting at this point and you could feel your orgasm coming towards you. You try to tell Bucky how close you are but you can’t get out the words. 

Bucky notices and is worried he’s hurting you or making you uncomfortable. “Are you okay?” 

You nod your head slightly but he starts to slow down and you can feel him start to pull out slightly. “Buc- Bucky..” You wrap your legs around him and pull him back towards you, “I’m Okay.. Just please.. I- I’m so close. Please.” 

Your pussy clenches around him, squeezing so tightly it makes it harder for him to slide in and out, you bring your fingers down to your clit and rub circles over it softly. The sight of seeing you touch yourself made Bucky’s cock throb inside of you. “Fuckk. Baby.. I’m not gonna last long seeing you like this,” You were both so close to coming, “So pretty taking my cock like this, baby.” 

He hits that spot again and you feel the band in your stomach snap, “Bucky.. I’m co- I’m coming. Fuck. I’m coming.” 

“Fuckk! Baby.” He groans out as his come shoots inside you, coating your pussy. He slows his movements, helping you come down from your highs, before carefully bringing himself to lay down beside you. You can feel the mixture of both your juices trail out of you, making a mess of your thighs and sheets but you didn’t care at this point.

“You doing okay?” Bucky whispers softly in your ear. You turn to him with a smile on your face and nod. 

“That was..” you can’t find the words to describe how he made you feel. “Thank you Bucky” It may have come across to Bucky that you were just thanking him for making you feel good but it wasn’t just that, you were thanking him for making you feel safe and loved and for waiting until you were ready. 

Bucky chuckles a little at how lost for words you are, “Thank you for trusting me,” He kisses your forehead and pulls you closer towards him, wrapping his arms around you, “I love you” 

“I love you more.” The three words you'd once been so scared to say were now one of the things you said most, Bucky truly was your love. 

“I don’t think that’s possible, baby.” 

AHHHH I hope this was okay! It’s my first request🤭

[luveline]

hello!! your writing is so lovey !! i’d love to read about some hurt/comfort with Joel if you’re up for it!!

thank you for your request, hope this is ok! tw for attempted sexual assault and implied physical assault/ bruises/ traumatic event | fem!reader 1.1k

Joel's probably worried, you think. 

The skin of your arms and torso is rippled with goosebumps as another cold breeze whips past. Your fingertips are numb. Every new gale stings the welts across your stomach, shallow cuts from untrimmed fingernails. You'll need to wash them out when you get home, only home is a long ways away, and you're still shirtless. 

Joel's apartment is much closer. You know where you'll end up, even as you beg yourself to stick out the cold and the vulnerability. You don't want to burden him with this, but you don't want to carry it by yourself, either. 

The steps up to his apartment are cracked and filthy. Glass crushes under your ratty converse as you bump up each step, uncrossing your arms to hold on to the bannister inside. You pretty much sprint to his floor. You're not stupid, you know walking around half naked makes you a target for creeps. 

You stand in front of his door, shaking from the cold. You bruised knuckles ache as you knock. 

"Joel?" you say, crossing your arms over your bare chest again. "It's me." 

Please be home. 

"Joel? Are you–" 

The door opens suddenly, wisps of your hair dancing forward. You tighten your arms across your chest and can't make yourself smile at the man in front of you. Joel is rumpled, his clothes marred with dark mud, and he looks pissed. He must've just gotten in. 

He steps toward you and you step back. You're still in flight mode, but Joel's not gonna hurt you. He grabs your shoulder and shepherd's you behind him, looking down the hallway. 

"They didn't follow me." 

"They?" he asks stonily. His rage is quick to boil. 

You don't have any answers for him. You don't know who it was. 

Joel walks you inside of the apartment. His hand burns your chilled skin. Any heat feels like a relief to you, your body thrumming with an emotion you can't place as you press your back to his arm. 

He gets you on the couch, drapes a blanket over your shoulders. You're freezing up and not sure why, your grip on the present loosening as he crouches in front of you. The tip of his ring finger brushes against the gouges in your arm. 

"Is this it?" he asks. 

You press your lips together tightly and lift your arm so he can see the long welts over your stomach, beginning just under your chest and stopping before your navel. 

"Nothing else?" 

You look over his shoulder. "No," you say softly. "Nothing else." 

"Look at me." 

You look at him. You've known Joel for long enough to understand his expressions, but when you'd first met they felt like a puzzle. You'd thought him disdainfully detached, especially when his impassive lowbrow was accompanied by his silences. His glaring isn't at you, it's for you. 

A single tear races down your cheek. You try very hard to mirror his steadiness. 

"They pushed me up against a wall," you whisper, afraid that any sudden movements will spill another welled tear, "and they took off my shirt, and I– I think I hit him in the throat, and I pulled away even though he," —you gesture to your stomach— "tried to pull me back in. I tripped the other one." 

"You're sure they didn't do anything else?" he asks. 

"It's all surface wounds, Joel. My arm hurts, and I'm cold, but it's not as bad as it looks." 

He takes your cold hand like he doesn't mean to. He squeezes your fingers together, the bones aching for a millisecond, and lets you go. You curl in on yourself as he stands and leaves the room, his footsteps moving through the bedroom and the bathroom, where the tap runs. 

He returns with a shirt that won't fit you right and a first aid kit. He turns though he's seen it all now, letting you slip the shirt over your head and tug it over your stomach with a semblance of privacy. 

"I'm sorry for coming here," you say. 

He turns and shakes his head. "Don't say that shit. This is exactly where you're supposed to come. Do you want to stand up, let me disinfect scrapes?" 

You stand and reluctantly leave the blanket on the couch. He takes your arm into a much gentler hand than the one that left your scratches, disinfecting your cuts with a small piece of gauze and a splash of alcohol. You wonder if he thinks about the loss. Any sip is precious. 

He starts to pull up your shirt. You hold very still, let him pin it just under your breasts without so much as a wrong breath, and still he checks your face. 

"Alright?" 

You nod emphatically. Joel takes care to be gentle but he's still thorough — you wince at the feeling of wet cotton dragging down your broken skin. 

"I'm sorry," he says. 

Joel doesn't say sorry often. You know he wouldn't apologise for something so small as the biting ache of disinfectant.  

"It's not your fault. It's mine, I didn't have my jacket, I was only–" putting out the trash. Trying to do something normal, but nothing's normal anymore. "I'm fucking stupid. I've seen one of them with Ronnie before, I should've known they were bad news." 

You really aren't expecting his hug. Any affection beyond a quick hand hold or pat on the shoulder is scarce.

"You're not stupid." Joel's hand moves up to your hair, cupping the back of your head. "You're not."

His touch brings an instant wave of heat behind your eyes. You screw them closed tight to stop from sobbing into his shoulder, your hands vying desperately for his waist, his back, pulling him as close as he'll let you be. He doesn't push you away, not for a second. 

"You're okay," he says firmly.

Joel is all encompassing. His presence numbs the last remains of your panic. His arms are tight behind you, his chest solid under your own. 

"My hands are so cold, they're hurting," you mumble. 

If he feels the tears seeping into his t-shirt, he doesn't mention it. "Yeah?" he asks, reaching back to pull one from his back. He wedges it between you, your fingertips aligned over his heart. 

You'd never know how angry he was at that moment. You won't realise how deeply it runs until night's fallen, and you wake alone in his bed to the sound of the door closing. When he climbs in beside you, his knuckles are an angry red.

[sminiac]

hiiii hope you're having a great day/night <33 could you pleaseee share ur thoughts on: what would be each piwon members favs sexual positions and why?

💌 — Hi honey, I actually had a kinda okay day! but of course I can, just for you <3

Warnings — Smut focused, MDNI.

⋆ Y. Keeho

The Lotus. He’s just such a lovey boy, lets you control the pace because when you’re feeling a little mean and refuse to speed up he secretly loves not being able to have a say. The eye contact as he’s whining breathlessly for you to go faster only makes it more enjoyable for him, when you deny him, tell him no, but even more when you’re so sweet about it.

Gets big headed about it if you tell him you’ve never let anyone else have you in this position, like “Oh so I must be really special.” Tell him yes and he’s eating it up. When the time calls he really enjoys soft, intimate sex, and having you like this only makes him more attracted to you, breathing in each others air and failing to speak through your sentences with the pleasure from his cock hitting so deep that you fumble with your words, goddd and the way he’d look with a sweaty glow over his skin and messy hair. Sickening.

Remainder of members under the cut!

⋆ C. Taeyang

Spooning. He’s such a pillow princess idk how else to explain it and this fits him almost perfectly because there’s not much exertion from doing this. He can’t get through a movie without slipping a hand between your legs until he’s somehow made enough space for his cock to slip inside. He’s so gentle and loving though, cradling your head with his arm like a makeshift pillow as he fucks into your from behind, the shallow, quick piston of his hips making you jostle in his hold.

Sleepy morning sex is also a frequent excuse to pull this move. He woke up hard and is feeling a little deficient of your touch? He’s snaking up behind you, touching you just right until his fingers are dipping past your waistband and gently spreading your folds apart. He indulges himself, plays with you a little before he’s taking hold of his weeping cock and sinking into you, poor thing would start shaking trying to keep ahold on himself, but once you start reciprocating, showing him, telling him to keep going then he’s fucking into with reckless abandon.

⋆ C. Jiung

Missionary. A lot of the time he’s so sweet and sentimental, in hand with that would be very simple positions that don’t require a lot of physical effort, he doesn’t like stuff that drains him quickly, wants to be able to stay in the moment for as long as the both of you want, to control the pacing and time.

Keeps you pinned in place by holding your hands, kisses you tenderly, straying from your lips to your jaw, dropping his head into the dip in your shoulder, huffing out praises and thoughtless babbles. The both of you watching the way his cock sinks and pulls from your cunt, subconsciously lets out pretty sounds when he’s looking too, and when he remembers to he’ll have a pillow under your back.

⋆ H. Intak

Cowgirl. It’s typical, I think we can all see it but fuck does it fit him so well. He likes being a tease, likes it when you call him mean from making you fuck yourself on his cock with not even so much as a finger of his help, feeds off of being under you but still being the one in control. Doesn’t like it when you’re the one being mean to him, telling him to keep his eyes open and on you as you only swivel and rock your hips, not even giving him the pleasure of a full sink down his length.

He’s either in tears or audibly laughing at your state whilst being under you, slaps your ass, and it stings bad but he mitigates the pain with his praise and warm tone, rubbing over the skin as he tells you to keep going, don’t stop, needs more of you, wants all of you. When he’s feeling extra generous you can usually tell when he’s grabbing you from the back of your neck, pulling you into a tongue filled kiss and leaving you dazed, when he knows you aren’t quite all in your head he pointedly thrusts up into you, sometimes it’ll only be for a few minutes, sometimes he’ll keep you on your knees so he can continue fucking up into you.

ᰔ sminiac’s P1Harmony M.list

[vulpisnocturna]

Part II of Gojo x Reader

Part I

Prompts:

18) Hate sex. Character could not hate Reader more, and the feeling is mutual. So of course Character and Reader have insane sexual chemistry, fueled by the humiliation and indignation they feel at being so aroused by each other. What are they supposed to do?

19) Character finds out that Reader is a virgin and finds Reader's overwhelm to be a huge turn-on as they have sex for the first time

NSFW - Minors do not interact

Warnings: hate sex, oral sex (f and m receiving), vaginal sex, inexperienced reader, hard dom Gojo, degradation kink, praise kink, dirty talk, slight age gap (reader is 22, Gojo is 27), dacryphilia, creampie

4.7k words

Gojo was not familiar with the term “rejection”. What Gojo wanted, Gojo got. He was also not very familiar with the term “pining”. Girls pined for him, he fucked them if he liked them, and then he moved on. Maybe, sometimes, there was one who was a little more shy, one he wanted more than the others. Then, he would charm them.Woo them into his bed. Once he had slept with them, he wasn’t interested anymore. He made it very clear he didn’t want a relationship, but most of the time, they still chased him after. So then he would leave, not wanting to make matters worse by sleeping with them again and stringing them along. He was a fuckboy with morals, he thought.

This was the first time he’d slept with a girl, made her cum multiple times, and then had been rejected and ignored. This was the first time Gojo wanted a second time. And a third. This was the first time Gojo wanted to be the first and the last.

Sometimes, Gojo thought he hated you so much he fucking loved you. At first, he’d hated you because of how cold and aggressive you were towards him. Because you treated him like you hated him. Because he liked you, and you didn’t. Then, he’d started to dislike your attitude, your sarcastic comments to him, the way you seemed to find him repulsive. Now he knew you really didn’t. No, you fucking loved being in his bed. That night at The Pulse, he had decided that no matter what, he’d sleep with you that very night. His mind had been plagued by images of you for too long, and he needed you to be gone. He needed to go back to not caring about you, or caring too much about how much he disliked you.

When he had found out you were a virgin, he’d felt slightly guilty. After all, it was only physical for him, and he doubted it was much more than that for you too. But he hadn’t been able to get over just how hot you were, how exhilarating the feeling of how naive and innocent you were felt. How he was the first, how responsive you were to anything he did, how easy it was to tear you apart. And it had been the best sex of his life. You hadn’t even had to do anything apart from moaning, crying and squirming underneath him. That was why he had woken up in the morning, basking in the sweet scent of your skin, searching for your body to pull into him so he could properly wake up with some very needed morning sex. But you were gone. He had turned his head to his bedside table, a sheepish smile stretching his lips at the sight of a little note next to a glass of water. That was gonna be your number and a request to please call you again. That had been what had been going on in his mind.

‘For a probable hungover’ it read, along with the water and an aspirin.

His surprise at seeing the blunt message, although coupled with the kindness of your gesture, had irritated him. Had you not enjoyed the sex? No, of course you had. He’d made sure you loved it. He’d loved it too. A little too much.

Gojo was annoyed. Sneaking out and disappearing were his style. He hadn’t been walked out on before. And he hadn’t been that disappointed over a woman leaving after a one night stand so much before.

Oh well, he thought, plenty more fish in the sea.

Two weeks had passed since that day, and you had been avoiding him like the plague. Every time he spotted you, he made a beeline for you, wanting to talk, but you quickly disappeared or sought out Nanami so he wouldn’t be able to stray away from a professional conversation.

Gojo had even had sex with people who looked a little like you, but it had not felt the same at all. He couldn’t help but compare, and no one came close. And that was frustrating for a man who loved to have sex. All he had to do was take you home, fuck you, and then that frustration would be gone and he could resume his normal life. If he could have just a second time, he could prove to himself that he didn’t need you. That he really did dislike you. But you just loved to be difficult. Gojo couldn’t understand why you were being so cold towards him. Why you were playing the queen of ice around him. As though your relationship hadn’t changed one bit after that night. Surely, if he showed off a bit, you would be impressed. But you did nothing but use Nanami like a shield against him. You couldn’t have a crush on Nanami. You were treating him with courteous smiles and politeness all around, and Gojo’s stomach was churning for no reason. So what if you liked Nanami? All was well if he could take you home that one time. Who cared if you wanted Nanami after. But that wasn’t true. He cared. He didn’t want Nanami, or anyone else, to see you naked. To hear what you sounded like when you pleaded to cum.

You even called Nanami ‘Kento-san’ and him by his last name. Well, he thought smugly, you’d screamed his first name quite a bit already.

You had been avoiding Gojo for two weeks now. You had woken up in his bed, your mind filled with images of the night you’d spent with him. Of how you’d lost your virginity to him. Of how you’d begged him to fuck you. A mistake. You had made a colossal mistake. Because now you couldn’t get him out of your head. Now, you wanted more. You had written him a message and sneaked out. And avoided him whenever you saw him in person, only to touch yourself at night thinking about how good it had felt.

All because you knew that the reason he was trying to talk to you, the reason why you had to hide behind Nanami whenever he was around, was because he liked the chase. He liked the idea of having fucked you and just wanted to discard you once he was bored. And though you didn’t want to admit it, you couldn’t help but feel hurt at that thought.

You sighed, getting out of your car, your fingers fumbling with your keys.

‘Hey there’

Your soul nearly had a premature departure from your body as you winced, turning around to see Gojo leaning against the wall next to your house.

‘What the hell are you doing here? You stalking me now?’ you snapped, glaring at him. He gave a grin and a shrug.

‘You’ve been avoiding me. Figured you wouldn’t be able to hide behind Nanami’s skirts here’ he said.

‘So you followed me home? Are you crazy? What you do want?’ you asked, keeping your voice to a loud whisper so people wouldn’t think to butt in.

‘I just wanna chat. I’ll even buy you a drink’ he gave a seductive smirk, his cobalt eyes eyeing you up and down, sending shivers down your spine.

‘I just finished working’ you said, hoping he would get the hint and piss off. He didn’t.

‘Perfect! I’ll wait for you if you want to change’ he said. You looked at him. Did you really want to make another mistake? It was true that he looked amazing in that simple white t-shirt and smart trousers, but that was no reason to become stupid all of a sudden when you’d been doing so well for two weeks. But then again, maybe just another time. Maybe, if you did it another time, you would be able to get him out of your mind.

‘Will you stop stalking me if I have a drink with you?’ you huffed then, acting as though you didn’t know where this was going to go.

‘If you promise you won’t stalk me, sweetheart’ he said with a devilish smirk on his perfect lips. You gnashed your teeth, closing your eyes and exhaling softly before you grabbed the keys.

‘No chance of that happening. Vain cunt’ you said venomously. He tilted his head, a small pout on his face.

‘So? Are you going to accept this splendid offer?’ he nagged, his hands in his pockets, his sunglasses sliding a little lower on the bridge of his dainty nose.

‘Yes- fine. Whatever, if it shuts you up’ you grumbled. Gojo grinned broadly, triumphantly as you turned the keys into the lock.

‘Atta girl’ he said, making your cheeks heat up as you slammed the door in his face. You decided you would make him wait. See if his resolve faded. So you took a ten minute shower, dried your hair and put on a red top and a skirt that covered you to the middle of your thighs. Not too provocative, but good enough to be suggestive. You decided to throw in your nicest underwear, black lacy bralette and lacy panties. If something were to happen, you wanted to look good, at least. And you didn’t want to admit to yourself how much you wanted something to happen.

When you eventually opened the front door, Gojo looked bored out of his mind as he scrolled on his phone. When he saw you, though, his eyes trailed down your figure without an inkling of shame.

‘You dressed up all nice for me, sweetheart?’ he asked, voice sweet and teasing.

‘Dressed up nice in case Nanami’s there’ you bullshited, knowing it would rile him up. And it did. He grimaced, shutting up for at least a minute or two.

Gojo thought you were the prettiest girl he had ever seen. You didn’t even have to try. And you were just as venomous as you were stunning. For some reason, hearing you talk about Nanami made him want to break his face in and claim you for himself. Which was stupid, because he did not like you, and he did not care.

And yet, he opened the car door for you, brought you to his favourite bar, got you your favourite drink, and even had a somewhat civil conversation with you as the music played and he sipped on his mojito and played with the ice in his glass. All the while, he couldn’t help but think you weren’t that annoying. You were almost interesting. He almost didn’t even care about the sex. That was, if the sex hadn’t been that good, and you didn’t look that sexy in that outfit. But you still kept your cool, even though his comments from time to time made you blush prettily. As he eyed your red lipstick, he couldn’t help but imagine how pretty it would look around his cock. He had promised he would teach you how to do that the previous time, after all. And God did he want to put you in your place for making a joke out of him for the past two weeks. For ignoring him, not giving him the time of day. For taking root in his mind. For all the nights he had had to think about you to get himself off because he couldn’t manage to do it otherwise anymore. You were an unforgivable little brat. And Gojo couldn’t help but hate you for it. Couldn’t help but want to repay you in kind.

So, after a few drinks, he gave you his prettiest smirk and offered you to go back to his place. You shifted on your seat, mulling over it, looking as though you’d almost be tempted to refuse. But you accepted.

Bingo, he thought. All his efforts would finally pay off. And then, he could forget all about you. And you could go blush prettily at Nanami, and he wouldn’t feel the need to burn the world to ashes because of it.

Much like the first time, Gojo barely managed to contain himself until the front door was shut before he clashed his lips against yours, tasting you again. A groan came out of him as his hands gripped your hips and pulled your smaller form against him so he could feel every inch and curve of your body.

He slipped his tongue into your sweet mouth, gripping the fat of your ass, smacking it and revelling in the soft whimper you let out as it sent a thrill down his body.

‘Last time, I was gentle. This time, I’m taking you like I want to, pretty girl. So you better keep up with me’ he said, sucking on your throat, wanting the whole world to know he’d fucked you stupid. You pulled on his hair, equally aggressive, fisting his shirt.

‘You need to learn some manners, Gojo’ you hissed.

‘No need to be the queen of ice with me. I can feel you rutting on my thigh like the slut I know you are. And I thought I made it clear it’s Satoru. Or are you already fucked stupid and can’t remember?’ he taunted, pulling your hair. He saw your hand swing for his face miles away and caught it an inch from his cheek, condescendingly snapping his tongue against his teeth.

‘Ah- ah- ah. Now, that’s a brat if I’ve ever seen one. You think because I was nice with you last time, you can act like a spoiled brat now? I think it’s high time we got rid of these clothes’ he tutted, pulling your top over your head and groaning at the sight of your perfect tits enveloped by black lace that left very little to his imagination.

‘You wore this slutty bra for me, didn’t you? Thank you, sweetheart’ he smirked, palming your breasts as he lifted you up until you had to hook your legs around his hips, letting his cock rest against what he could not wait to feel around it.

He carried you to his bedroom, letting you straddle him as he sat on the edge, his large hands splayed on your ass under that little skirt that had been driving him insane all night.

He toyed with your nipples through the lace, feeling them stiffen under his touch. Your responsiveness was exhilarating to him. Your little sighs and moans made him harder than he’d ever been, you were just so clueless about what was happening to you. So innocent and pretty.

He dipped his head to flick them with his tongue, grinning when you let out a pathetic whine.

‘I seem to remember saying I would teach you how to suck my cock, sweetheart. Are you going to be a good girl and try?’ he asked, tearing your bralette off of you and palming your tits. They fit perfectly in his hand, and he gave one of them a slap when you didn’t answer, making you jolt and groan.

‘I need an answer’

‘Yes- yes’ you let out, voice breathy and eyes watery already. Satoru smirked, pushing you on your knees, taking off his shirt and unbuckling his belt.

‘Don’t you look pretty like this’ he crooned, taking off his sunglasses and setting them on the nightstand. He saw your throat bob and your fingers tighten on the hem of that little skirt that had been haunting him for hours.

‘Stop taunting’ you hissed at him, glaring, your neck straining to look him in the eye. Satoru sighed softly, carding his fingers through your hair, rubbing your bottom lip with the pad of his thumb.

‘I know your cute little cunt gets wet when I do. No need to lie, sweetheart’ he drawled, pushing his thumb past your lips, eager to see what you would do. Your tongue twirled around it, and you sucked it hesitantly, making his cock twitch in his trousers. You knew just what to do. Satoru unzipped his trousers and lowered them enough to free his cock, his fingers wrapping around it and stroking it in front of your pretty face.

He thought your hesitant, nervous face was the best sight in the world.

‘Be a good girl and lick it. And keep looking at me, sweetheart- that’s it…’ he took a sharp breath as you looked up at him through your eyelashes, giving a tentative kitten lick to the tip, swirling your tongue like you’d done with his thumb. He nearly came at the sight.

‘Fuck- yes, that’s it- just like that’ he praised, gathering your hair and fisting it, moaning when you pressed your tongue on the underside of his cock, licking up to the tip. He would have struggled to believe you’d never done this before, if it weren’t for your wide eyes and hesitant expression. You looked so eager to please him. And it made him want to fuck your throat and see just how pathetic and fucked out you looked then. But he wouldn’t. Not yet, at least. He didn’t want to scare you off.

‘Good girl. Now wrap those gorgeous lips around it. Cover your teeth and relax your jaw’ he continued, and you did so, tearing a loud groan from him. Your mouth was so hot and wet, your tongue twitching on the underside feeling like a drug.

Before he could tell you to do anything, you twirled your tongue around the head of his cock, sinking deeper until your eyes welled up with tears and Gojo saw stars. You gagged a little, even though you’d only managed to take a little less than two thirds of his cock inside your mouth.

‘Fuck- you’re full of hidden talents, aren’t you? Your filthy mouth is better than I could have ever imagined it would be. God- you’re so fucking sexy’ he moaned, keeping his eyes on your shimmering ones, gripping your hair and starting to slowly, shallowly push inside you, hardly able to contain his moans. To his surprise, you let out a moan too, which reverberated around his cock, heightening the feeling.

‘Take a little more. You can do it- that’s right, gorgeous little slut’ he grunted when you gagged and tears spilled on your cheeks, drool trickling down your chin as you breathed hard and sank on his cock.

‘That’s a good slut- you look so pretty crying over my cock. Want me to fuck your dirty mouth?’ he asked, receiving a desperate moan in reply and a soft nod of your head as you hollowed your cheeks. Satoru did not need anything else to grip the back of your head and start to fuck your mouth, moaning as he looked at you trying to keep your eyes on his even as they filled with tears.

‘I knew you would fucking love this. You feel amazing- so fucking pretty. So pitiful, drooling over my cock and gagging on it. You’re just so fucking eager to please, aren’t you? My little slut’ he crooned, starting to get a little rougher as he felt your jaw relax and your throat grow accustomed to him, wanting to cum in your mouth so badly.

‘Are you gonna swallow my cum like a good little slut, mh? Don’t waste it, baby- you want to be my good girl so bad, right?’ he panted, his balls tightening, his eyes narrowing with the impending release. You moaned even louder, tearing another grunt for him as he pulled back a little to cum down your throat. He groaned, head hanging back, eyes growing heavy and glazed over with his orgasm.

He ran a hand through his hair, slipping out of your mouth with an audible sound and looking at you as you swallowed. God. He was completely undone. He had to keep you. Had to feel like that again. And he wanted to bury his face between your legs, feel just how wet you’d gotten from sucking him off.

He lifted you up, lowering you on the bed and assaulting your throat with possessive hickeys, painting your neck with purple and dark red.

You moaned, your fingers tangled in Satoru’s snowy hair, your hips twitching with the arousal that had been building up there. You hadn’t imagined sucking his cock would be so fucking hot. The noises he’d made… the stuff he’d said to you, knowing that you could make him come undone just like he’d done to you… it was almost addicting, even though he had been so big in your throat you’d thought you might choke a few times.

‘Mh. Is there something you want, sweetheart? If you ask nicely, I’ll lick your pretty little cunt until you scream my name’ he said, and your breath hitched, his filthy words going straight to you and almost making you moan audibly at the mere idea. You wanted to feel that again. But you didn’t want to give Gojo that satisfaction. He already looked so fucking smug. He looked at you from your nipples, languid eyes and shiny lips, oozing such sex appeal you could barely breathe.

And yet…

‘I hate you’ you hissed, your wounded pride at how much you wanted him to degrade you and take you as he wished making the bile rise in your throat.

‘Oh, do you? We’ll see. Keep saying it until you believe it. If you stop, I will too’ he said with a wicked smirk, hooking his fingers under the elastic of your skirt and pulling down. “I hate you”, you said evenly, sure of it yourself. And yet, you loved where he was going. What he was doing. “I hate you”, you said as he ran slender, elegant fingers on your thighs, splaying them open for him.

The third “I hate you” was cut short by his hand cupping you through your sopping knickers, drawing a breathy sigh of relief from you at the friction and a roll of your hips.

‘You might say that, and yet, you are soaked for me. Look at you. What a mess you’ve made, little slut. And for so little’ he hummed, stroking you lightly and circling your clit so deliciously you closed your eyes, completely forgetting what you were supposed to do to continue feeling that way. When he stopped, you looked at him, anger making its familiar way onto your face.

‘Come on, baby. I need to hear how much you hate me’ he said mockingly, and you sneered, saying it with such venom he laughed. But he took off your knickers and tossed them aside anyway. You said it again, and he lowered his head, prompting you to say it one more time before he could do anything and ruin your resolve. But then, he flicked your clit with his tongue in the middle of your words, and you keened, your voice drawing out like a whine. He lapped slowly along the length of your labia, drawing out a long moan from you as your hands shot to grip his hair.

‘You taste so sweet, baby. And you sound so sweet, too. Such a dirty little girl with the sweetest, most desperate moans. And all for me’ he hummed, the vibration in his voice making your breath falter. You hooked your thighs on his head.

‘I hate you’ you breathed, throwing your head back at the slow, firm licks of his talented tongue, eyes glazed over, whimpering and moaning.

‘I hate you’ you whined when he licked your clit up and down and wrapped his lovely lips around it, humming softly. And soon, your words were slurred, breathy, filled with want and insane pleasure as he licked and sucked and kissed like he had been born to do so, until you sobbed his name like a prayer, tensing your muscles, your thighs trembling.

He kept going, unrelenting and without mercy, sucking and prodding inside you with his fingers.

‘’Toru- no more’ you whined needily. He lifted his head.

‘Oh, but you’re being such a good girl for me. So desperate, so pliable. I think you can give me another one, baby’ he said, his fingers toying with your clit, his other hand squeezing your backside. You let out a broken moan, pleasure shooting through you yet again as your hips twitched.

‘I could lick your pretty little cunt all night, and I would still want more’ he said, sliding his fingers inside you and curling them. You keened loudly, your back arching when his lips wrapped around your swollen, tortured clit once again.

‘Good girl’ he breathed, and your muscles contracted around his fingers, drawing a low laugh from him.

‘S-toru’ you clamped his head shut, but he did not seem to mind. He continued to torture you, seemingly not needing to breathe or stop until you near screamed his name, your mouth wide open and your eyes closed as your mind-shattering orgasm made you see stars.

You couldn’t breathe nor think for a while. You were manhandled by Satoru until your legs were spread and his cock was pushing inside you, and you moaned at the fullness, a slight burning sensation lingering at first.

‘I can tell you haven’t had another cock inside this little cunt since I fucked you- you’re so fucking tight’ he moaned, gripping your thigh, your arms wrapped around him for dear life as he continued to push until he was buried inside you to the hilt.

‘Satoru…’ you moaned, raking your nails across the pale skin of his smooth back.

‘You like feeling my cock inside you, sweetheart? Did you miss it by any chance?’ he taunted, lifting one of your legs up on his shoulder, making you arch your back and whine as his cock seemed to reach even deeper, until you could feel it in your stomach.

‘No-‘ you moaned, eyes scrunched up, tears drying on your cheeks only to be dampened by new ones as he started fucking you relentlessly.

‘Fucking lying slut. You wanted this. Wanted me to fuck you so badly you sobbed. Didn’t you?’ he pressed, smacking your ass and making you jolt as you screamed a yes that you could not hold back.

‘Yeah- wanted it- so much I hate it- I fucking hate you, Satoru- just want you to fuck me… please’ you screamed, crying out your frustrations and letting go of them as he bent your legs to your chest and pounded inside you.

‘I hate you too- hate you so fucking much. Hate that you won’t fucking leave my mind- hate that I want you to be mine so fucking bad. Say you’re mine. This- only I get to fuck you. Only I get to make you scream’ he grunted, wrapping slender fingers around your throat, making you feel airy and light as his pelvis continued to stimulate your clit with every thrust, his words making you tighten around him.

‘I’m yours- g’nna cum, ‘toru’ you breathed, letting out a sob when he kissed you roughly, biting your lip, his teeth clashing against yours with the messy, sloppy making out you got pulled into, your breath short as he choked you, your cunt clamping around his cock with another orgasm that shattered through you.

‘Fuck- perfect slut. All mine. I’m close, baby. Keep milkin’ my cock like that’ he moaned in your ear, sinking his teeth in the curve of your shoulder as his thrusts started getting sloppier and deeper, his moans in your ear making you ride the aftershocks of your orgasm as your clit throbbed. Satoru stilled inside you, letting out a breathy moan as he spilled deep inside you.

You tried to catch your breath as he slumped half on top of you, his cock still inside you, his hot breath against your clavicle.

‘I hate you, Satoru’ you said after a while, irony dripping from your voice. You couldn’t continue pretending you did. You wanted him too much to delude yourself into thinking you hated him. He was annoying and vain, childish and a probable mistake, but he was addicting.

He laughed, opening a cobalt eye framed by snowy eyelashes and eyeing you.

‘Hate you too. Wanna go on a date with me?’

[altocat]

Why Sephgen specifically with you? Don't they hate each other?

Sephgen is just a really dynamic and interesting pairing for me. They're on a more equal playing field power-wise. They have a history. They have a rivalry. And there's the potential for a lot of drama. Genesis was jealous but he also wanted Sephiroth to acknowledge him. Sephiroth rejects Genesis later on, but he was, up to that point, a loyal and devoted friend.

I wouldn't say they hate each other. I mean they definitely hated each other after Nibelheim, but it's so much more than that. Their story is about miscommunication, paranoid perceptions that stray them both away from the truth. They were best friends. They admired each other. There was never any need for them to compete with each other. Fate tears them apart and they both end up heavily damaged, physically AND emotionally, as a result.

And yeah, Crisis Core's execution is very messy. But I think there's chemistry in their tragedy. It's a doomed relationship that presumably began as something innocent and earnest and real. First Soldier might take this idea and run with it idk. But Sephgen for me has a lot of narrative spice that adds to both their characters. There's sexual tension. There's loss. There's so many what ifs, if only they'd TALKED to each other, trusted each other. And I personally find that appealing.

[call-me-a-simp]

Heal My Wounds

The Escape (Part 1)

Rhea Ripley x Reader

TW: physical and sexual abuse, toxic relationship

Summary: You are in a toxic relationship with an abusive man but manage to run away. A tall, black haired woman picks you up from the streets just in time so your ex doesn't get you. But who is she and why does she seem so familiar to you? As you get to know each other you start to notice weird feelings you never had before whenever she's around.

"LEAVE ME ALONE" you scream crying. He had grapped your hair so tightly it felt like he was about to rip your scalp off. You kick him in the balls with your knee and he lets go of your hair, so you run to the bedroom to grab the bag you had prepared a long time ago. He follows you and tries to grab you by your waist and pick you up, but you were fast enough to dodge him and run out the room.

You head to the front door but again he's faster than you, gripping your wrists and spinning you around, pinning you against the closed door. "You're not going anywhere without me" he growls, a dangerous look on his face.

You close your eyed in fear, expecting him to beat you up one again. He forces a kiss on you, biting so hard on your lower lip that it starts to bleed. Your whimper from the pain, more tears running down your face.

Eventually he lets go of you, but locks the door and shoves the key in the pocket of his jeans. You can make out a quiet "pathetic" escaping his lips as he scoffs. "I'm gonna make some dinner now, don't you dare try running away again. We both know that you won't make it anyway. You're nothing without me" he spit out the last words and makes his way to the kitchen.

You are too scared to make a move until he was out of your sight. You allow yourself to release a small sigh of releave before quickly heading to your shared bedroom and closing the door behind you. You had to think of a different way to get out, you couldn't take it anymore.

Why didn't you listen to your Friends back then, they warned you about him, telling you how dangerous he was but you just didn't believe them. You thought he was the one, your soulmate, the one you're meant to be with.

You soon realised that they were right. A few weeks after you moved in with him he started showing his true self. At first it were just simple Things like asking you to not meet male Friends anymore without him. Then he wanted more and more control.

You weren't allowed to follow any men anymore on social media, you had to ask everytime you wanted to meet a friend, even if it was a girl, he Chose what you were allowed to wear and so on. Eventually you had to stop going out alone at all. He made you quit your job, so you wouldn't have an excuse anymore to be out alone. The only time you got to get out of the Apartment was when you met your parents.

They didn't notice anything because you were still caught in the thought that all of that was normal. He did hurt you already, hitting you in spots that were easy to cover up whenever you disobeyed him. Not so long after he also started beating you up in places where it was more noticable, meaning you got to see your family less so they wouldn't see your bruises.

You noticed just now that you never got to meet his family. Maybe they broke conatct after he was released from Prison, knowing he wouldn't change. You knew he was in Prison, it should have been you enough of a warning, but back then you belived he changed, that he wasn't a monster anymore.

You tried to run away before, when you were alone. You called the police, but when they came he was already back home, convincing them everything was alright. He could be so persuasive and innocent looking in front of others, but when you were alone with him he could turn into your worst Nightmare.

Your apartment was on the second floor so jumping out the window was pretty dangerous. But what other option was there? You needed to get out as quickly as possible, knowing that he could drug your food, like he did before, so you wouldn't fight back so much when he forced himself onto you.

You open the window, looking down. There were some bushes that could soften your fall a bit. You chleched your fists together, closing your eyes for a second and taking a deep breath. You had to.You decide to throw your backpack down first before jumping right after it.

The landing was harder than you expected, as you crashed right trough the bushes and straight onto the floor, leaving you breathless for a few seconds. Your whole body was aching really bad, bruises and cuts scattered all over your skin, your clothes ripped. Blood was dripping down on your arms and legs, turns out the bushes had thorns. But you didn't have time to care now, you had to get up and run. He could notice your absence any second and if he found you it would be your death for sure.

You get up as fast as your body let you, groaning at the pain. You picked up your bag and decided to head for the next bus stop, hoping to find some people to help you or a bus being there by any chance.

You run as fast as the pain allowed you to, leaving a small trail of blood behind you. You hear screams in the distance, knowing he now noticed your absence.It scares you to death, you try to run faster but your body was already pushed to it's limits.

Just as you hear him screaming behind you and running up to you, you spot a car approaching from in front of you. You scream and try to wave your bruised arms, inhaling sharp through gritted teaths at the pain it causes you.

The driver slows down to a stop and you hurry to get to the car. Although you don't know the woman behind the steering wheel, you hop in. She was you last and only chance. You close the door and she speeds up, leaving your ex behind.

---------------------------------------------------

I'm starting this new series and I plan to make many more parts to this. Already got a head full of ideas, but you can leave your suggestions or wishes for the future of the Story in the comments :)

Taglist: @thatonepansexual2000

[cerridwen007]

The Two of Us.

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader.

Word count: 1.3k

Summary: Third part to the Javi x f!reader situationship series. Follows the morning after reader and Javi fuck after being apart for a month. Reader lays out all her feelings on the table hoping Javier will too.

Inspired by the song "The Two of Us" by Omar Apollo.

Warnings/Notes: ANGST, FLUFF, Swearing, no use of y/n, bad Spanish.

A/N: It's finally here, the third part of the trilogy. I am pretty happy with how it turned out and am so thankful for all the feedback and love I've gotten on the series. This is the first series I've managed to complete and has definitely motivated me to finish and write more series. I was thinking of maybe adding some smut in here as well but decided to add a whole bunch of tooth rotting fluff instead. Also, I have an idea for an angsty prologue of the lead up to "She" that I might post in the next week or so once I finish writing and editing it, which I plan on having smut return in that. As always, comments, likes, and reposts are very much appreciated. I hope you enjoy it!

Part 1: She. Part 2: Her.

***********

Sunlight flutters through your curtains as you wake. You smile to yourself as you remember the warm passions of last night. The smile quickly fades when you realize Javier isn't in your bed. A tear threatens to escape the corner of your eye, but you don't let it. You weren't going to cry over a man this morning.

The threat of tears instantly disappears, when you walk into your kitchen and see Javier standing there shirtless making breakfast and coffee for you both. Your heart instantly melts and begins to flutter at the rare sight of domestic Javi before you. Before you even realize what you're doing, you come up behind him and hug his back tightly.

"Mmmh, good morning handsome." You coo while holding him closely.

He leans back into your touch and holds your hands in his.

"Good morning, mi amor....sleep well?"

"Great, thank you...and yourself?"

"The best sleep I've had in a while, actually."

You smile and plant soft kisses on his back, making Javier chuckle.

"Careful Hermosa, I might end up burning our breakfast if you carry on like that."

You giggle. "That wouldn't be the worst thing ever."

You both laugh, and he turns around to hug you and kiss your forehead. He holds you close and turns back around to stir the scrambled eggs. You hold each other close till Javier finishes cooking, and you help him bring your plates and glasses to the table.

You're both all smiles as you eat your breakfast till a sudden realization hits you. Is this just you doing what you had before, fuckbuddies and nothing more?

A tear wells at the corner of your eye as you look at the man before you, as much as you love your physical, sexual relationship you still wanted and needed more for him.

You wanted to be his forever and wanted him to be yours too. His eyebrows squeeze together as he looks at your thinly drawn mouth and watery eyes.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?"

As much as you try to stop the tears from escaping a single tear falls down your cheek. He reaches up to you and wipes it away gently with his hand, cupping your jaw.

"I.....I.. want you, Javier."

"Cariño... you have me. Here, right now."

"I meant I want you....I want this... I want us...forever... more than what we were before."

He looks uncomfortable as he clears his throat.

"And I know that you probably don't want that, but I don't think we can continue whatever this is, if you don't feel the same way.....I can't let myself fall in love with you more and more everyday...knowing that you won't ever love me back."

His mind becomes clouded with all the aspects of being in a relationship with you. Waking up to your beautiful smiling face every morning, kissing down your body, coercing those beautiful sounds out of you every night. Maybe even one day settling down on his dad's ranch with you, little Peñas running around.

But then his slight smile slips off his face when he thought about you two fighting, everyday when he comes home from work, him accidently taking his anger from his job home to you and the narcos finding where you lived and murdering you because of him.

He couldn't seem to form a proper sentence with all the thoughts getting mixed up in his head. You reached out and placed your hand on his across the table, rubbing it comfortingly.

"Javi, look at me."

He looks up at you, with those big, brown, baby cow eyes, making your heart melt.

"Tell me what you're thinking.”

His throat closes preventing all the words from spilling out.

“Tell me…do you..do you love me Javier?” You say, voice breaking.

His heart thunders away in his chest as his mouth goes dry. Another tear falls down your cheek, you bite your lip to stop it from quivering.

“I…I… love you, querida.”

Your heart skips a beat. Confusion and anger fill your veins, unconvinced of his admission.

“Don’t say that you love me if you don't Javi…Don’t fucken play with my feelings so you can keep fucking me!” You spit at him, getting up to leave the table.

He looks at you distraught. He gets up and grabs your wrist firmly.

You angrily stare at him as you try to pull away from his grip but he doesn't let go. He pulls you closer to him and firmly grabs your jaw with his other hand so you will look at him.

“Look at me Hermosa.”

He swallows deeply, while his eyes dart back and forth across your face. His voice trembles a little as he speaks, so unused to admitting his feelings. You bite your tongue to hold back the angry, sad tears that blur your vision.

“I- the reason that I didn't say I loved you back before was because I was afraid.”

Your expression softens his words.

“I have never loved anyone since Lorraine who I left at the altar and looking back I don't even know how much I loved her …..I left though cause I was afraid and I'm still afraid…for different reasons this time.”

He pauses a second to see your saddened expression focused on his lips.

“I'm afraid that you will get sick of me and leave me…I'm afraid that once you see all of me, the flaws and all you will hate me. I'm afraid that I won’t be a good partner, won't give you enough attention or love and that you will grow to hate me. I’m afraid that my job will get in between us, that I'll take my stress and anger out on you, that the narcos will hurt you to get to me….. I’m afraid that I'll lose you.”

He feels his eyes start to water, and to hide his vulnerable state, he lets go of his hold on you and turns away. Your heart begins to physically hurt seeing Javier hurt in front of you.

“Hey.” you softly tell him. “ I can't say that won’t ever lose me, cause we both know that’s not true, but I know that I'll still love you even with all your flaws and that I won't get sick of you.”

He turns around and looks into your eyes as you continue speaking.

“You’re a good man Javier, more than you know or think, I know you always do your best but I also know that you're too hard on yourself, that you beat yourself up too much over things out of your control.”

You close the gap between the two of you and hold his hand gently.

“Being in a relationship is hard - for anyone, and I'm sure that we could make it work by both putting in effort and talking to each other about what we need and want.”

You take a deep breat and close you eyes for a second, feeling the last of your anger dissipate.

“I can’t promise you that you won't lose me in one way or another, but I can promise that I'll love you for as long as I live. And I would rather spend a short life in your arms than a long life without you.”

He gulps hard and looks at you. You slowly pull him into a hug and rest your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He shakily exhales as he wraps his arms around you and lets his head fall onto the top of your head, breathing in your hair.

You hold each other close, swaying softly and relishing in the warmth of each other. Before Javier breaks the silence, speaking softly.

“I really do love you. Mi amor, I love you more than you will ever know.”

You lift your head to look at him and plant a soft kiss to his lips.

“I love you too, Javier. I'm yours forever.”

You both smile softly before kissing each other gently. The comforting taste of each swapped onto your own tongues. Your hands holding each other tightly, almost afraid to let go.

You don't know what was to come from here but you were just happy to be in his arms. It was the start of a new chapter for you and Javi. One where you would get to experience him wholly, just as you needed to.

************

[mk-writes-stuff]

The Pirates’ Roost

The world of Ixalan is one sundered by empires - the fervent vampiric evangels of Atla Torrezon on one continent, and the dinosaur-riding Sun Empire on the other. Between the looming empires lies the Stormwreck Sea, a vast ocean speckled with islands, and the last bastion of the free peoples of Ixalan - now condensed into a loose confederacy of islanders and pirates.

The life of a pirate is none too easy, and you’d be hard-pressed to find one who doesn’t know that well. Merry, an idealistic plaything of a cruel captain, knows all too well the hardships of the pirates’ life - but when a beautiful stranger offers him a chance to change everything, he can’t help but seize it. Malcolm, an escaped siren slave, remembers the cruelty and abuse he’s been shown in painful measure, but he defends his freedom with clever magics and the passionate defense of those who need it. Tatum, an abused tidemage bound to a violent woman who holds their life in her hands, clings to the hope of one day finding freedom - and to the knowledge that the cruelty they escaped was worse.

The high seas are not a kind place for these three, nor for any of the others they meet, but there is safety in numbers, and in the fragile loyalty of a crew. Though countless trials - from vengeful captains to vampiric crusaders to creeping illnesses - threaten to tear them apart, the crew must cling to each other. In the end, all they have is each other - but that might just be enough.

Welcome to the Pirates’ Roost! The Pirates’ Roost is a Magic: the Gathering fanfiction with its own timeline, additional lore, and dozens of new characters - and you don’t need to know anything about Magic to enjoy it! It’s constructed from the ground up assuming you’re brand-new to the world and its lore is entirely self-contained. If you like gay pirates, magical adventures, and complex, emotional stories, I’m confident you’ll like it :)

The Pirates’ Roost also isn’t a novel. It’s a collection of short stories tied together by an overall arc timeline, accompanied by lore articles for additional worldbuilding detail. You don’t need to read the articles to understand the shorts, but, if you’re interested in the lore, they provide a deeper dive that doesn’t fit in the short stories. It’s an ongoing project, so you’ll notice additional shorts go up from time to time as I get time and inspiration to add them.

The Pirates’ Roost contains themes of freedom and identity, finding yourself in a world of contradicting opinions, the power of friendship and love (both romantic and not), and freedom from abuse. Please note that it does contain depictions of abuse (physical, emotional, financial, and sexual), graphic depictions of violence, injury, and death, severe illness, species discrimination, and small amounts of racism and homophobia/transphobia. Some of the shorts are not appropriate for people under 18. All shirts and articles are appropriately labeled and content warmed within the archive. Please feel free to contact me or ask anonymously if you’d like any more information on the content warnings or specific warnings.

The worldbuilding wiki can be found here and the story archive can be found here.

Feel free to ask me any questions you might have about the series! My asks and DMs are open, and I love talking about it :)

[compassionatereminders]

hi, i'm sorry if this is bothersome to you but i don't really know where to go anymore

so, my roommate is also my best friend of 4 years. we met because our abusive exes were friends/leaning towards more (it was a whole mess). obviously, we went through it together, built ourselves back up, and got close in a way only two people who were in the same situation together can.

obviously she was still in high school while i was working, which pulled us apart a bit as we weren't on the same schedule and i didn't have time to visit her as much as i could have. however, a tragic accident that happened to our friend group pulled us back together, so we got close again, if not even closer. all along, her boyfriend since 2021 was with us, and he's a friend of mine and i really like him.

now, each of our family situation had us needing to no longer live with our parents, and we got a flat together in september of last year. it's as good as getting a flat with your best friend can be, which means there were laughs and tears and fights but mostly care and happiness.

now, we are moving out and won't be living together anymore. however, and for a few months now, ive noticed something weird in me.

at first i thought i was just much more attached to her than she was, or at the very least that my anxiety was making me believe that. we sleep (actual sleep) together often, i give her massages, we are comfortable being naked around each other, and people sometimes mistake us for a couple. she is the person i lean to the most, and i would be ready to follow her anywhere.

it is indeed not the same on her part (hence the not moving in together next year), and the more time grows the more i realise i feel resentful of her boyfriend, and i genuinely feel i treat her better than him. it just annoys me because she is incredibly beautiful, talented, smart, so interesting, and just is an all around absolute catch and it feels like everyone (including him) overlooks that and wants to push her down. and, in some ways, it feels unfair that people who don't realise that and push her further towards believing these things and building herself up will be the ones who stay in her life and live with her forever etc. (eg. she is thinking of the forever home she'll have with her boyfriend, while i'm just there like 🧍‍♂️)

i do think it is necessary to add that we're both bi so there's no sexuality issue, and that the compliments i gave her here aren't different from how i feel about my two other best friends. it's more my longing for physical contact and this feeling that may be jealousy that is confusing me.

anyway, should i be worried? take a step back? or am i just jealous that she's in a relationship and i'm not? are these normal feelings of friendship and i'm just worrying for nothing? (as i said, i feel the same towards my other best friends, including the 'hmm you don't deserve her' towards their boyfriends, just not as intensely)

thank you so much for your time, and i hope you have a great day

First of all, I'm sure you very genuinely love, respect and appreciate her, but if you involve yourself in the business of deciding what choices she should be making and who she should be dating and what she should be pursuing, you wouldn't be very different from a pushy boyfriend in practice. Like it's perfectly valid to have negative emotions about this development and to want more and to need time to work through these feelings, but you don't get to decide anything on her behalf, and if she wants to commit to that boyfriend of hers, that's her own decision to make

[rrr-is-gay]

Hello kids, today I’d like to preach to you about the deep eroticism of The Fight, because warriormale literally lives in my mind and compels me to speak.

When Ram and Bheem wrestle outside the governor’s palace, they are releasing so much sexual energy, it’s actually insane. Hell, even before the wrestling, when they’re exchanging punches, there’s this sizzling tension that they’re both too heartbroken to actually think about, but it comes out subconsciously, in how their bodies react to each other. Bheem takes each punch standing up, then fuckin smacks the shit out of Ram, knocking him to the ground, showing his dominance. Ram whips his head to the side to LEER at Bheem before deciding his next attack.

And what is his next attack? TO CLIMB UP BHEEM’S THIGH and THROW HIM TO THE GROUND so he can MOUNT HIM. Bheem does not kick out of this hold or push Ram’s body away, he ROLLS OVER, TANGLING HIS LEGS with Ram’s, keeping him close. He refuses to go on the defensive, he must stay on the attack, to overpower Ram with the strength of his thighs. This need, this primal masculine aggression, is shared by both men as they continue rolling over each other. It is such an intricate ritual!

They are so deeply, intimately familiar with each other’s bodies. Think of how Bheem yanks open Ram’s legs so he can get right between his thighs. He knows where Ram bends and folds. He’s been here before. Think of how Bheem shoves his hand over Ram’s face to hold him down, covering his lips and nose, feeling his heat and insisting upon his submission. Think of how Bheem LIFTS RAM UP dirty-dancing-style to twirl him around, embraced by his thighs, testosterone spiking like adrenaline.

There’s a raw physicality that is shared between sex and combat that’s difficult to describe to those who don’t feel it. It is so primitive, so base, it defies logic. Ram and Bheem have absolutely no reason to be turned on during this fight. They’re both utterly heartbroken, to a point where they’re basically dying inside. And yet their bodies tingle with desire; the desire to touch, smack, yank, bite, grab, hug, roll, spread, fuck. They can’t help it! That’s why they fight so close and tight, because the magnetism pulling them together is stronger than the betrayal tearing them apart.

Absolutely nobody on this earth can convince me that I’m wrong!

[randomperson99sworld]

Ruffled Feathers 🪶

~ Part 3 ~

Summary: Julia Morgan, Bobby's niece, has always been a royal thorn in Dean Winchesters ass since the day they met 1 year ago at Bobby's memorial. She wants to be a hunter, he thinks she's a dumb kid playing dress up. Will she always be seen as an unwanted load in Dean's eyes or will he see something more?

Pairing: Dean x OC

Warnings: Age gap, language, sexual themes (used lightly), Physical Abuse (Not by Dean).

Word Count: 1,075

A/N: This is my first story ever so please go easy on me. Also, this story is cross posted on Wattpad, I made a last minute decision to share it on here too. Happy reading! ♥️

The drive was painfully quiet, the only sounds coming from the hum of the engine and the occasional shuffle from Sam flipping through his notes. Dean gripped the steering wheel a little too tight, his knuckles white as they sped down the highway. Julia sat in the back, arms crossed and staring out the window, her jaw clenched.

"Alright, so the last victim was found near the old mill," Sam started, trying to ease the tension. "Looks like a classic spirit haunting. Should be straightforward—salt and burn."

"Good," Dean muttered. "Means we can get in, get out, and be done with this."

Julia rolled her eyes at his tone, unable to keep quiet any longer. "If it's so 'straightforward,' why even bring me? I'm sure you and Sam can handle it, right? Or did you just need someone to babysit?"

Dean's eyes flicked to the rearview mirror, his glare sharp enough to cut glass. "Believe me, if I had a choice, I wouldn't be dragging you along for this."

Julia huffed in frustration. "I can handle a simple salt and burn, Dean. I've done it before."

"Yeah, and the last time you 'handled' it, you almost got yourself thrown into a wood chipper," Dean shot back.

"That wasn't my fault!" Julia leaned forward, her face reddening. "That ghost was a lot stronger than we expected."

Dean turned in his seat, his voice tight with barely contained anger. "It's your job to expect the unexpected. You go charging in half-cocked and then wonder why things go sideways."

Julia's temper flared. "I don't charge in! I take risks because that's what we do. You think you're the only one who's ever had to make a split-second decision?"

Dean opened his mouth to argue, but Sam cut in, his voice firm. "Guys, enough. We've got a job to do, and it's not gonna help if you're both too busy tearing each other apart to focus."

Dean shot Sam a glance, clearly still wound up, but he stayed quiet. Julia, still fuming, sank back into her seat, biting her tongue for the moment. The car fell back into tense silence as they neared the mill.

By the time they pulled up to the abandoned building, the sun had already dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows across the crumbling structure. Dean parked the Impala and got out, slamming the door behind him. Julia climbed out just as quickly, eager to put some distance between them.

Dean tossed a shotgun filled with rock salt to Julia. "Try not to get yourself killed."

Julia caught the gun, her eyes flashing with defiance. "Don't worry about me, I can handle myself."

"Yeah, sure you can," Dean muttered, turning toward the entrance.

Sam sighed but followed, leaving Julia to stew behind them. She could feel her anger bubbling up again, but she shoved it down, focusing on the hunt. They had bigger things to worry about than their constant bickering.

The mill was eerily quiet, the only sounds the creaking of old wood and the faint rustling of leaves outside. They moved carefully through the darkness, flashlights sweeping across the dust-covered floor. Dean led the way, his shotgun ready, while Sam and Julia fanned out behind him.

Suddenly, a cold gust of wind blew through the room, and Julia's breath hitched. She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, her instincts telling her they weren't alone.

"Dean..." she whispered, gripping her shotgun tighter.

He glanced back at her, brow furrowed. "Stay close."

Before anyone could react, the ghost materialized in front of them—a woman with hollow eyes and a twisted, angry face. She let out a blood-curdling scream, and all hell broke loose.

Julia raised her shotgun, firing off a blast of rock salt, but the spirit was fast, dodging the shot and hurling her backward into a pile of crates. Pain shot through her back as she hit the ground hard, but she scrambled to her feet, adrenaline kicking in.

"Damn it, Julia!" Dean shouted, firing his own shot and driving the ghost back. "I said stay close!"

Julia winced but didn't respond, aiming her shotgun again. The ghost lunged at Dean, but Sam stepped in, throwing a handful of salt and giving them a moment to regroup.

"We need to find her bones!" Sam called out, looking around the decrepit mill. "She's not going to stop until we do."

Dean nodded, shooting Julia a pointed look. "Stay out of the way, Julia. Let me and Sam handle this."

Julia's anger flared again, but she bit back a retort. Instead, she grabbed her flashlight and started searching the room, determined to prove she wasn't just some liability. She wouldn't let Dean's words rattle her, not now.

As the ghost circled them again, Julia spotted a pile of old crates in the corner, something glinting faintly underneath them. She knelt down, shoving the crates aside, and uncovered a small, weathered box.

"Guys, I think I found something!" she called out.

Dean and Sam rushed over just as the ghost appeared again, shrieking with rage. Dean threw salt in the spirit's direction, holding it at bay while Sam pried open the box.

Inside, sure enough, were the brittle bones of a young woman.

"Light it up!" Dean ordered.

Sam quickly doused the bones in lighter fluid, striking a match and tossing it into the box. The fire flared to life, and the ghost let out one final scream before vanishing into the air, leaving nothing but silence in its wake.

Dean stood there for a moment, catching his breath, before turning to Julia. His expression was unreadable, but there was a flicker of something other than frustration in his eyes.

"You...you did good," he muttered, almost as if it pained him to admit it.

Julia wiped the dirt from her hands and met his gaze. "Told you I could handle myself." She wasn't smug about it—just tired. But there was a hint of satisfaction in her voice.

Dean grunted. "Yeah, well... don't make me regret saying that."

Julia smirked and walked past him, her shoulders squared with just a bit more confidence than before. Dean watched her go, shaking his head, but a small part of him couldn't help but respect her—just a little. He'd never say it out loud, but maybe Bobby's relative wasn't such a lost cause after all.

[fishcowwrites]

Casual - A Mcpricely Songfic

Kevin Price x Connor Mckinley from the Book of Mormon Musical

Part 1 of The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Mormon

Song is Casual by Chappell Roan 2.1k words

warnings: manipulation, abuse (physical, ever so slightly kind of alluded to sexual)

My friends call me a loser

cause I’m still hanging around

Connor Mckinley didn’t know what to do. He had sacrificed everything for Kevin with no reward. he lost his family and his faith for a boy who didn’t love him. Poptarts and some of the other elders had tried to comfort him, but their air of superiority was something Connor couldn’t handle.

I’ve heard so many rumors

that I’m just a girl that you bang on your couch

Word of what had happened had certainly gotten back to his family, not to mention the church. Connor went back to his old home once to pick up all his things, and he couldn’t handle the judgmental stares from everyone. This whole situation was definitely not helping his family’s perception of queer people.

I thought you thought of me better

someone you couldn’t lose

When they were first excommunicated, Kevin had finally stood up and taken charge. The book of Arnold took a very different stance on same-sex couples, and it was the push that Connor had needed to confess. The first couple of weeks had been pure bliss, with constant affirmations of love. Connor truly had thought that they’d be together forever.

you said “we’re not together”

so now when we kiss, I have anger issues

you said “baby, no attachment”

After a little while, the magic began to wear off. Kevin started to withdraw, stealing longing looks at any semi-decent man he happened to come across. When Connor confronted him, Kevin told the truth. Their “relationship” was a stance against the church. A bit of rebellious fun. But the sex was good, so why should it stop? Despite all of this, Connor couldn’t bring himself to disappoint Kevin. So, he let Kevin kiss him and touch him and fuck him while Connor choked back his tears and feelings alike.

but we’re

knee-deep in the passenger seat

and you’re eating me out

is it casual now?

Their “first time” really was the first time for both of them. None of the other elders knew about them, so it couldn’t happen in the mission hut. Kevin had managed to convince Gotswana to lend them his truck, which he did begrudgingly. It was cramped and awkward and they didn’t know what to do, but the passion and thrill of it all was enough for them.

two weeks, 

and you mom invites me

to her house in long beach

is it casual now?

Arnold, bless his soul, seemed none the wiser of the truth. When they all moved back to the states, he had been the most insistent of all the elders about keeping in touch. Most of them had split between the two coasts, with Kevin and Connor in New York while Arnold and Naba had moved to California. Connor had gotten a call from Arnold about “the super cool secret not-really-secret very awesome meet up plans” and how he was so excited. With a little questioning, Connor realized Kevin was going to California, and Arnold thought he’d be coming too. With Kevin. As a couple. Connor didn’t know what to say, so he simply hung up. And he pretended not to notice when Kevin disappeared a couple weeks later.

I know what you tell your friends

its casual, if it’s casual now

then, baby, get me off again

if its casual, it’s casual now

Connor and Kevin lived in separate apartments just a couple minutes from each other. While Connor struggled from audition to audition, Kevin had landed a cushy job in marketing. And while Connor suffered in silence, Kevin seemed to flourish; constantly meeting new people and making new friends that all seemed to look down on Connor. Kevin often dragged him to parties, where he’d show him off and make jokes at Connor’s expense. Then all the stuffy, stuck-up executives would laugh, leaving Connor wondering what he missed.

dumb love, I love being stupid

dream of us in a year

maybe we’d have an apartment

and you’d show me off to your friends at the pier

In Uganda, before their relationship had crumbled, Connor and Kevin often fantasized about life back in the US. They would move to New York City and share a cozy apartment, one that allowed pets. Some days they would plan their weddings, and others they would even go so far as to think of having kids. They would adopt, girl or boy, and try to give them the best life. Kevin would whine about Arnold’s stupid name suggestions, and Connor would laugh. They would kiss and they would cuddle, and maybe Kevin would teach Connor to cook. Maybe Connor would teach Kevin to dance. But now, they’d never know.

I know, “baby, no attachment”

Even when they moved back to the US, Connor kept pretending. Kevin continued with their “no strings attached” hook ups, and Connor stayed in the hopes of mending their relationship. But even when Connor realized that it would never get better, he couldn’t bring himself to break it off.

but we’re

knee-deep in the passenger seat

and you’re eating me out

is it casual now? 

Connor took Kevin to a drive in theater once. It was a horrible old movie with no cohesive plot and terrible acting, but it didn’t matter. Connor hadn’t really had a plan for how he would do it, but the words started coming before he could He told Kevin how he couldn’t keep doing this. How yes, the sex is great, but he wanted more. He needed more. How, despite his efforts, Connor still loved Kevin. The silence after his confession was deafening, the mere seconds stretching to a lifetime. And then, Kevin laughed. He laughed and laughed, not caring how Connor’s soul was crushed. When he finally pulled himself together, Kevin said he thought they had a good thing going, so why should they ruin it? Connor should just be grateful they had anything at all. but yes, Kevin could see that he’d hurt poor Connor’s feelings, so he was going to make it up to him. And as Kevin climbed into the footwell of the passenger seat, Connor tried to pretend that a blowjob could fix all his pain.

two weeks,

and you mom invites me

to her house in long beach

is it casual now

When Kevin had gone to California, Connor had received another phone call, this time from Nabulungi. It turns out that Kevin never told them that Connor wasn't coming. Arnold, both trusting and oblivious, didn’t think anything of it. But Naba knew better than that. She asked if something had happened between them, and if Connor was alright. It had been so long since anyone had seemed to care for Connor that he just stood in stunned silence. Naba sat on the other end of the phone, calling his name until eventually she hung up.

I know what you tell your friends

its casual, if its casual now

then, baby, get me off again

if its casual, its casual now

The other elders, with the exception of Arnold, treated Connor with a strange pity. it was the way one might look at a very cute dog that was being put down for mauling a child. You couldn’t help feeling sorry for it, but then again, it fully deserved its fate. they had made no real attempt to reach out since Connor told them everything, and he was too proud to try to contact them. Connor knew exactly what he was in their eyes.

it’s hard being casual

when my favorite bra lives in your dresser

Sometimes, Connor would pretend that Kevin didn’t exist. He would imagine that he was free to do whatever he wanted, free to meet new people and free to live his life. Or maybe he would have a nice, loving boyfriend who really cared for him. Other times, Connor would fantasize about finally breaking up with Kevin. But the empty dip in his bed and the hole in his heart kept Connor firmly in Kevin’s grasp. So, Connor would stay in Kevin’s bed while his favorite tie sat in Kevin’s drawer. 

it's hard being casual

when I’m on the phone talking down your sister

Even when Kevin returned from California, Nabulungi continued to call Connor. And as much as he tried to lie and say everything was fine, she could see right through him. But Connor would never tell her the truth, no matter how much she asked. And if he cried himself to sleep at night, she didn’t need to know.

and I try to be the chill girl that

holds her tongue and gives you space

I try to be the chill girl, but

honestly, I’m not

Connor was taught to be modest. He was taught to be nice. And he was taught to never make a fuss. But at this point, he didn’t know what he could do. Kevin was becoming increasingly demanding, bordering on violent. Connor was just glad that he had his own place, but without a stable income he didn’t know how much longer it could last.

knee-deep in the passenger sea,

and you’re eating me out

Connor just wished that they could go back to the start.

two weeks and your mom invites me

to her long beach house

Connor didn’t know how to tell Arnold and Naba the truth. So, he didn’t.

I know what you tell your friends

baby, get me off again

Kevin had taken him to yet another dinner party. The same old men stuffed in suits sipping wine with their bored trophy wives. Was that what Connor was now? Just a trophy for him to show off and fuck? He couldn’t take it anymore. He was tired of being scared. Tired of being threatened and told to obey because goddamnit, he deserved better. Or maybe he was too drunk on whatever low-grade alcohol they were serving. But by the time common sense caught up to him, it was too late.

I fucked you in the bathroom

when we went to dinner

Kevin had just dragged Connor to the restroom, pushing him roughly into one of the stalls and grabbing him by the collar. And Connor didn’t resist. Why would he? So. he just stood there and tried to pretend he didn’t hate it.

your parents at the table, 

you wonder why I’m bitter

After all of that, Kevin had just… went back to the table. Like nothing happened. Connor had told him that he needed a minute, to which Kevin just nodded. And that was the breaking point.

bragging to your friends,

I get off when you hit it

When Connor got back to the table, everyone was laughing. Quietly, he pulled Kevin aside. And he said everything. 

I hate to tell the truth, 

but I’m sorry dude you didn’t

Connor started talking, saying everything that was on his mind. But Kevin didn’t want to hear it. He tried to shush him, but Connor was on a roll.

I hate that I let this drag on so long

now I hate myself

Connor told him how he hated everything. The awful feelings and thoughts that plagued him night and day. And then he said the awful words that had been sitting on his tongue for months. “We’re done.” Connor thought that Kevin would yell, or scream, or cry, or maybe even just agree that it was the best thing for them. But nothing could have prepared him for blow to the face.

hate that I let this drag on so long

you can go to hell

The blood poured down Connor’s face as he stood there in shock. Kevin stood there, mouth agape, seemingly shocked as well. All of the people at the dinner had stood up, trying to see what the commotion was about. Someone was coming towards him, saying something, but the ringing in his ears drowned them out. Connor bolted for the door, rushing out into the cool night air as he tried to ignore the mixture of blood, snot, and tears on his face. He hailed a taxi, mumbling Kevin’s address as he tried to stem the flow of blood from his nose. Shoving some bills into the driver’s hand, Connor sprinted up the stairs to Kevin’s apartment. Fumbling with his keys, he let himself in. Connor quickly shoved all of his things into a random tote bag, going as fast as he could. His clothes, his toothbrush, his books. He was about to reach the door when it opened. In the doorframe stood Kevin, tears glistening on his cheeks. They stood there in silence, staring in horror at each other. Wordlessly, Connor turned back towards the bedroom. Slowly, he picked up his lucky tie. It was silk, baby blue, a gift from his parents before he left for Uganda. Blood dripped on it, scarring the gentle colors. Connor pushed past Kevin, walking slowly down the stairwell. He walked the whole way back to his apartment with slow, methodical steps. As he entered his apartment, he slowly lowered himself onto his couch. He couldn't be bothered to deal with his nose, or even change. So, he just flicked on the TV, letting whatever random channel was on illuminate his empty apartment. And before he knew it, he had drifted off to sleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

idk what this is it started as a midnight notes app writing and i churned the second half out after a breakdown so it might be shit but whatever

and yes this is a repost im moving my writings to this blog

[fishcow99]

Casual - A Mcpricely Songfic

Kevin Price x Connor Mckinley from the Book of Mormon Musical

Part 2 of The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Mormon

Song is Casual by Chappell Roan 2.1k words

@elposting here it is

warnings: manipulation, abuse (physical, ever so slightly kind of alluded to sexual)

My friends call me a loser

cause I’m still hanging around

Connor Mckinley didn’t know what to do. He had sacrificed everything for Kevin with no reward. he lost his family and his faith for a boy who didn’t love him. Poptarts and some of the other elders had tried to comfort him, but their air of superiority was something Connor couldn’t handle.

I’ve heard so many rumors

that I’m just a girl that you bang on your couch

Word of what had happened had certainly gotten back to his family, not to mention the church. Connor went back to his old home once to pick up all his things, and he couldn’t handle the judgmental stares from everyone. This whole situation was definitely not helping his family’s perception of queer people.

I thought you thought of me better

someone you couldn’t lose

When they were first excommunicated, Kevin had finally stood up and taken charge. The book of Arnold took a very different stance on same-sex couples, and it was the push that Connor had needed to confess. The first couple of weeks had been pure bliss, with constant affirmations of love. Connor truly had thought that they’d be together forever.

you said “we’re not together”

so now when we kiss, I have anger issues

you said “baby, no attachment”

After a little while, the magic began to wear off. Kevin started to withdraw, stealing longing looks at any semi-decent man he happened to come across. When Connor confronted him, Kevin told the truth. Their “relationship” was a stance against the church. A bit of rebellious fun. But the sex was good, so why should it stop? Despite all of this, Connor couldn’t bring himself to disappoint Kevin. So, he let Kevin kiss him and touch him and fuck him while Connor choked back his tears and feelings alike.

but we’re

knee-deep in the passenger seat

and you’re eating me out

is it casual now?

Their “first time” really was the first time for both of them. None of the other elders knew about them, so it couldn’t happen in the mission hut. Kevin had managed to convince Gotswana to lend them his truck, which he did begrudgingly. It was cramped and awkward and they didn’t know what to do, but the passion and thrill of it all was enough for them.

two weeks, 

and you mom invites me

to her house in long beach

is it casual now?

Arnold, bless his soul, seemed none the wiser of the truth. When they all moved back to the states, he had been the most insistent of all the elders about keeping in touch. Most of them had split between the two coasts, with Kevin and Connor in New York while Arnold and Naba had moved to California. Connor had gotten a call from Arnold about “the super cool secret not-really-secret very awesome meet up plans” and how he was so excited. With a little questioning, Connor realized Kevin was going to California, and Arnold thought he’d be coming too. With Kevin. As a couple. Connor didn’t know what to say, so he simply hung up. And he pretended not to notice when Kevin disappeared a couple weeks later.

I know what you tell your friends

its casual, if it’s casual now

then, baby, get me off again

if its casual, it’s casual now

Connor and Kevin lived in separate apartments just a couple minutes from each other. While Connor struggled from audition to audition, Kevin had landed a cushy job in marketing. And while Connor suffered in silence, Kevin seemed to flourish; constantly meeting new people and making new friends that all seemed to look down on Connor. Kevin often dragged him to parties, where he’d show him off and make jokes at Connor’s expense. Then all the stuffy, stuck-up executives would laugh, leaving Connor wondering what he missed.

dumb love, I love being stupid

dream of us in a year

maybe we’d have an apartment

and you’d show me off to your friends at the pier

In Uganda, before their relationship had crumbled, Connor and Kevin often fantasized about life back in the US. They would move to New York City and share a cozy apartment, one that allowed pets. Some days they would plan their weddings, and others they would even go so far as to think of having kids. They would adopt, girl or boy, and try to give them the best life. Kevin would whine about Arnold’s stupid name suggestions, and Connor would laugh. They would kiss and they would cuddle, and maybe Kevin would teach Connor to cook. Maybe Connor would teach Kevin to dance. But now, they’d never know.

I know, “baby, no attachment”

Even when they moved back to the US, Connor kept pretending. Kevin continued with their “no strings attached” hook ups, and Connor stayed in the hopes of mending their relationship. But even when Connor realized that it would never get better, he couldn’t bring himself to break it off.

but we’re

knee-deep in the passenger seat

and you’re eating me out

is it casual now? 

Connor took Kevin to a drive in theater once. It was a horrible old movie with no cohesive plot and terrible acting, but it didn’t matter. Connor hadn’t really had a plan for how he would do it, but the words started coming before he could He told Kevin how he couldn’t keep doing this. How yes, the sex is great, but he wanted more. He needed more. How, despite his efforts, Connor still loved Kevin. The silence after his confession was deafening, the mere seconds stretching to a lifetime. And then, Kevin laughed. He laughed and laughed, not caring how Connor’s soul was crushed. When he finally pulled himself together, Kevin said he thought they had a good thing going, so why should they ruin it? Connor should just be grateful they had anything at all. but yes, Kevin could see that he’d hurt poor Connor’s feelings, so he was going to make it up to him. And as Kevin climbed into the footwell of the passenger seat, Connor tried to pretend that a blowjob could fix all his pain.

two weeks,

and you mom invites me

to her house in long beach

is it casual now

When Kevin had gone to California, Connor had received another phone call, this time from Nabulungi. It turns out that Kevin never told them that Connor wasn't coming. Arnold, both trusting and oblivious, didn’t think anything of it. But Naba knew better than that. She asked if something had happened between them, and if Connor was alright. It had been so long since anyone had seemed to care for Connor that he just stood in stunned silence. Naba sat on the other end of the phone, calling his name until eventually she hung up.

I know what you tell your friends

its casual, if its casual now

then, baby, get me off again

if its casual, its casual now

The other elders, with the exception of Arnold, treated Connor with a strange pity. it was the way one might look at a very cute dog that was being put down for mauling a child. You couldn’t help feeling sorry for it, but then again, it fully deserved its fate. they had made no real attempt to reach out since Connor told them everything, and he was too proud to try to contact them. Connor knew exactly what he was in their eyes.

it’s hard being casual

when my favorite bra lives in your dresser

Sometimes, Connor would pretend that Kevin didn’t exist. He would imagine that he was free to do whatever he wanted, free to meet new people and free to live his life. Or maybe he would have a nice, loving boyfriend who really cared for him. Other times, Connor would fantasize about finally breaking up with Kevin. But the empty dip in his bed and the hole in his heart kept Connor firmly in Kevin’s grasp. So, Connor would stay in Kevin’s bed while his favorite tie sat in Kevin’s drawer. 

it's hard being casual

when I’m on the phone talking down your sister

Even when Kevin returned from California, Nabulungi continued to call Connor. And as much as he tried to lie and say everything was fine, she could see right through him. But Connor would never tell her the truth, no matter how much she asked. And if he cried himself to sleep at night, she didn’t need to know.

and I try to be the chill girl that

holds her tongue and gives you space

I try to be the chill girl, but

honestly, I’m not

Connor was taught to be modest. He was taught to be nice. And he was taught to never make a fuss. But at this point, he didn’t know what he could do. Kevin was becoming increasingly demanding, bordering on violent. Connor was just glad that he had his own place, but without a stable income he didn’t know how much longer it could last.

knee-deep in the passenger sea,

and you’re eating me out

Connor just wished that they could go back to the start.

two weeks and your mom invites me

to her long beach house

Connor didn’t know how to tell Arnold and Naba the truth. So, he didn’t.

I know what you tell your friends

baby, get me off again

Kevin had taken him to yet another dinner party. The same old men stuffed in suits sipping wine with their bored trophy wives. Was that what Connor was now? Just a trophy for him to show off and fuck? He couldn’t take it anymore. He was tired of being scared. Tired of being threatened and told to obey because goddamnit, he deserved better. Or maybe he was too drunk on whatever low-grade alcohol they were serving. But by the time common sense caught up to him, it was too late.

I fucked you in the bathroom

when we went to dinner

Kevin had just dragged Connor to the restroom, pushing him roughly into one of the stalls and grabbing him by the collar. And Connor didn’t resist. Why would he? So. he just stood there and tried to pretend he didn’t hate it.

your parents at the table, 

you wonder why I’m bitter

After all of that, Kevin had just… went back to the table. Like nothing happened. Connor had told him that he needed a minute, to which Kevin just nodded. And that was the breaking point.

bragging to your friends,

I get off when you hit it

When Connor got back to the table, everyone was laughing. Quietly, he pulled Kevin aside. And he said everything. 

I hate to tell the truth, 

but I’m sorry dude you didn’t

Connor started talking, saying everything that was on his mind. But Kevin didn’t want to hear it. He tried to shush him, but Connor was on a roll.

I hate that I let this drag on so long

now I hate myself

Connor told him how he hated everything. The awful feelings and thoughts that plagued him night and day. And then he said the awful words that had been sitting on his tongue for months. “We’re done.” Connor thought that Kevin would yell, or scream, or cry, or maybe even just agree that it was the best thing for them. But nothing could have prepared him for blow to the face.

hate that I let this drag on so long

you can go to hell

The blood poured down Connor’s face as he stood there in shock. Kevin stood there, mouth agape, seemingly shocked as well. All of the people at the dinner had stood up, trying to see what the commotion was about. Someone was coming towards him, saying something, but the ringing in his ears drowned them out. Connor bolted for the door, rushing out into the cool night air as he tried to ignore the mixture of blood, snot, and tears on his face. He hailed a taxi, mumbling Kevin’s address as he tried to stem the flow of blood from his nose. Shoving some bills into the driver’s hand, Connor sprinted up the stairs to Kevin’s apartment. Fumbling with his keys, he let himself in. Connor quickly shoved all of his things into a random tote bag, going as fast as he could. His clothes, his toothbrush, his books. He was about to reach the door when it opened. In the doorframe stood Kevin, tears glistening on his cheeks. They stood there in silence, staring in horror at each other. Wordlessly, Connor turned back towards the bedroom. Slowly, he picked up his lucky tie. It was silk, baby blue, a gift from his parents before he left for Uganda. Blood dripped on it, scarring the gentle colors. Connor pushed past Kevin, walking slowly down the stairwell. He walked the whole way back to his apartment with slow, methodical steps. As he entered his apartment, he slowly lowered himself onto his couch. He couldn't be bothered to deal with his nose, or even change. So, he just flicked on the TV, letting whatever random channel was on illuminate his empty apartment. And before he knew it, he had drifted off to sleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

idk what this is it started as a midnight notes app writing and i churned the second half out after a breakdown so it might be shit but whatever

[archersarrow-tarot]

✨DIY Tarot Spreads✨

{ more! }

🖤Ideas for Tarot Spreads:🖤

🚚 How To Move On 🚚

How you truly feel currently

What you need to let go of

What’s hindering you

How to overcome

What’s unknown/hidden from you

A message

Advice/Guidance

💏 Couple Compatibility 💏

What brings them together/what tears them apart

Pros & Cons; How you benefit each other & how you hinder one another

Physical, Mental, Emotional, Sexual, Overall compatibility

How they really truly feel about each other

True intent with one another

First Impressions of each other

What both people could improve on and how

Advice/Guidance

Biggest Issue in relationship and how to overcome

Possible outcomes together

💕 How To Find Love 💕

What to start doing, stop doing, keep doing, avoid

What’s hindering you in finding love and advice

Where you’re at right now

What to work on within yourself before love

What you want/need/hope for/desire

How you truly feel right now

What are you really looking for?

Advice/Guidance

Lesson to learn

⏳ Past Life ⏳

Your upbringing

Social status

Occupation(s)

Partnerships/relationships

Education

Early years

Gender

Family

Karma

Your parents

Your children

Time period

Past life lesson

What was carried from past life into current life?

People from your past life that are or will be in current life

Your character

How people viewed you/reputation

Your death

Marriage/Love

Hobbies/interests

Past life trauma

Lesson to learn in this life

🤍 The Self 🤍

Reflection

How to heal from past hurt

Your hopes & fears

How to better care for yourself

What you want & need

Discovering internal & external factors and how they effect situations

Guidance to finding your true purpose

Lesson to learn

Finding your true path

Your talents and how to utilize them

What to focus on

How to find balance

🖤 Other 🖤

Business planning

Clarity for situation

Interviewing deck

Money

Daily or weekly spreads

Dream Interpretation

Connecting with your spirit guide

Goal setting

Channeling divine gifts

Preparing for a difficult situation

Improve Confidence

Career direction

[clone-anon-after-dark]

Brunch (Demisexual Jesse x GN Asexual Reader)

Word Count: 3020

Warnings: NSFW, minors DNI, mention of attempted sexual assault, a punch to the jaw (reader not involved), implied masturbation, some fooling around just to make each other feel good, kissing (but no making out)

A/N: I wanted to write a story about someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction, but is open to sex with the right person and has a sex drive, so here we are.  Also, Jesse lives through the war, obviously.

If you are looking for an ace reader story that doesn’t include sex, I’ve written one with Wolffe and I’m exploring the idea of writing another one as well.

It was the end of a work week and you were looking forward to a comfortable night on the couch with your boyfriend.  You received a comm from Hardcase thanking you for letting the boys borrow some tools to fix their holoprojector so they could have movie night.  He said Jesse would be over some time to drop off the borrowed implements.  You sent a short response, but were quickly distracted when your boyfriend came through the door.  You smiled at him and pulled him into a hug. You hadn’t seen him all week and were looking forward to some quiet time together.  He brought dinner with him and you both parked on the couch in front of a holomovie.  Later, you cuddled up together in bed and just as you were getting comfortable enough to fall asleep, he made a move to pull you closer.  You thought he might be trying to be sweet, but he quietly asked, “Want to get frisky?”  

What followed was a harsh exchange of words as he tried to keep you from escaping.  You asserted that you had talked about this. That you had not left any doubt on how you felt about sex.  He called you a tease.  He said you told him you might want to have sex eventually so why not now? You thrashed as much as you could to get away, tears rolling down your cheeks.  You felt so completely betrayed when he uttered “You never give me what I want. Don’t you love me?”

You jostled around enough to end up falling to the floor.  Just as you did, you heard a set of footsteps and a very firm, “Back. Off.”  Jesse was over your boyfriend in an instant, grabbing him by the neck, twisting his arm behind his back, and hauling his ass out of your home.  You could hear a “This isn’t about you” from your boyfriend and what sounded like him initiating a scuffle with Jesse, followed by the clear sound of a punch landing on a jaw.

Jesse came back inside and found you still sitting on the floor of your bedroom, shocked and speechless.  He clenched and shook his hand, his fist clearly the one that had actually landed.  His face softened when he looked at you.  He reached out and helped you sit up on your bed.

“I’m glad you gave me the door code,” he said.  “I came by to drop off the tools we borrowed.”  He paused for a few moments and looked you over, trying to make sure you weren’t physically hurt. The emotional hurt was written all over you.  

“May I sit next to you,” he asked.  You nodded and he sat.

“I really thought this time I might be enough,” you said.  He held up an arm and you wrapped yours around his waist.  He held you close as you cried.

“You’re enough,” he said.

“Then why is it that I never am,” you retorted.  “It always comes down to something like this, only usually they just leave instead of trying to do… all that.”

He held you a little longer and promised to stay for the night when it was clear you didn’t want to be left alone in your apartment.  He parked on the couch after noticing you really needed space to yourself and what felt like multiple doors of protection.  He made sure the front door was locked and no one could come in.  You laid in bed, still shocked, and eventually your exhaustion overcame you.

It wasn’t enough for Jesse to sleep on the couch.  He watched the door and although he didn’t think your boyfriend would be stupid enough to return, he wanted you to feel safe in your room.  He got up and shuffled down the hallway, pillow in hand.  He laid on the floor in front of your door and fell asleep, content that no one would be getting through him.

The next morning you woke up, but still felt exhausted.  You remembered the night before, slowly got out of bed, and collected the few things that were your boyfriend’s.  You threw them in a bag and went to use the refresher.  You were surprised to find Jesse sleeping in your hallway.  With the door opened and pressure off his back, he rolled over and smiled up at you.

“Just guarding,” he said.  You smiled and let out a little sigh. It was good to have someone who cared so much.  

During breakfast you received a comm from your boyfriend declaring himself your ex.  Jesse rolled his eyes and you huffed.  As if there was any question.  His reasoning was so incredibly one-sided, but you didn’t want to argue. You just wanted him out of your life.  Jesse was kind enough to take your ex’s bag of belongings back to him so you wouldn’t have to.  You were certain they’d had some more words, but were grateful you didn’t have to be involved.

Over the next few months Jesse came over any day he could.  When he wasn’t able to come over, he sent a little message to check in.  Things started to grow from there.  You didn’t really go out on dates, but you couldn’t deny your feelings were getting more complex.  You didn’t really want to put a label on it, but you felt a sense of belonging with him.  Jesse loved your company and you loved his.  He felt relaxed with you and protective of you.  

One evening you were both on opposite sides of the couch, you sitting up and Jesse laying down as you painted his toenails.  You were painting your nails and he wanted to see what it looked like on him.  He had just taken a shower and not so secretly preferred yours to the GAR showers.  You didn’t mind.  It felt nice having someone around. As you twisted the cap onto the bottle and put it down after finishing his last nail, he smiled at his toes, wiggling them and declaring them pretty.  He looked up at you and smiled again, eyes warm and friendly.  He was clearly relaxed and happy.

“Can I ask you something personal,” he said.

“Sure,” you replied curiously.

“What’s it like being asexual?”

That was not the question you thought he would ask.  You bit your lip for a minute and thought about how to answer.

“Well, I’ve never looked at anyone and felt that way toward them,” you started.  “I have never looked at someone and wanted sex with them.  I just see people as people.”

He nodded slowly, taking in the information. “So you don’t ever feel the urge…?”

“Umm, no that’s not it exactly. I still have a sex drive. I just don’t experience sexual attraction.”

A light seemed to go off above his head and you added, “I am open to the idea of being physical with someone, or try it, but it has to be the right person. I’d be open to it as a way to be close to them, but they have to understand that I don’t want to have sex all the time and sometimes it’s way easier to take care of things myself.  With my ex, I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t take it too far.  Clearly, my instinct was right.”

Jesse reached out, sat up a bit, and held your hand.  You gave it a squeeze and quietly affirmed, “For me the most important thing is companionship, partnership. Someone I can count on.  Sex doesn’t have to come into it for me.”

He thought for a minute and his eyes started to dart.

“What is it,” you asked.

“That makes sense to me. Sure, I flirt a lot.  Love flirting.”  He winked at you and licked his lip playfully.  You smiled and rolled your eyes before he got serious again.  “I feel blind to what others must see when they call someone ‘sexy.’ Someone can be beautiful, wonderful, caring, gorgeous, and I can see that right away, and maybe that is sexy, but I still don’t see them as someone I want to get naked with without a connection or without feeling like they understand me.  The one time I had that and everything clicked into place, but they didn’t feel the same.”  He sighed.  “Some of the boys really go out looking for a one night stand and can see someone and it’s bam! They are running off together because they feel that attraction.  I am happy to get to know someone and flirt, but I could never take someone home without really knowing them.”

Your eyebrows raised at this new information.

“Jesse,” you replied, “I believe what you’re describing is demisexuality.”

“Oh.”  He blinked a few times and let this realization soak into his brain.  A slow grin spread across his face as he softly said, “What I feel has a name.”

You smiled back and felt the overwhelming urge to hug him.  As if he knew, he reached for you, chuckling a little as you collapsed in his arms.  Jesse laid back a bit and, with you laying on top of him, you eventually fell asleep together.

You woke up to the sun shining through the window.  You felt him stir beneath you.  You turned toward the back of the couch and let out a yawn. You felt his hand lightly caress your back and sides.  Waking up this way felt so peaceful.  You opened your eyes and turned to see a smile plastered on his face.  This was someone who really knew you and saw you through your lowest point and stuck around.  Being with him like this felt so right.

“Mornin’,” he said.  You both took your time fully waking up, but he kept his arm around you and you stayed laying against him.  You could hear his heartbeat pick up the pace a little.  You played with the string from his hoodie, slight worry clouding your mind.

“Hey,” he said.  “Is it a weird time to tell you I love you?”

You smiled up at him.  “Is that why your heart started going faster,” you asked.

He shrugged.  “I wasn’t sure what you’d think.”

You snuggled back into his chest.  “I think it’s a perfect time because I love you too.”

His eyes lit up, warm and playful at the same time.  He kissed your forehead and you looked back up at him before planting a kiss on his cheek.  He gave you a squeeze and kissed your cheek too. 

You both got up to eat some breakfast and start the day.  You spent your time visiting a local park and picking out a few things to make dinner together.  He invited you for another holomovie night with the boys and you couldn’t say no.  He then got contemplative again.

“What is it,” you asked, always loving how open he was when it came to asking you questions.

“Are we a couple now? Is that what we tell them when they see something has changed between us.”

“Is that the term you want to use,” you asked.  He nodded.  “Then that’s what we say,” you replied.  He took your hand and kissed it before continuing to walk home with you.

Life with Jesse was incredibly comfortable.  He was happy to hang out and talk or watch movies.  When you got a video game setup, he was thrilled. He loved playing with you, whether it was a slow-paced game or something more competitive.  He also loved washing dishes, making sure the towels were fresh, and those little things that made this feel like a home.  There was never any pressure to have sex and you were both happy with the status quo.  He also loved sleeping with you.  He always had to be touching you in some way to know you were there.  Usually, it involved having an arm draped around you in some fashion if he wasn’t able to outright hold you.  

You knew that the war haunted him.  He had experienced so much, being one of the older clones by war’s end.  You were always there when he came home in shambles.  His heart was so big and the loss was so great.  Each time he came home like that, you took him to the bedroom, helped him take off his armor, and get into something comfortable and homey.  He always inhaled the smell of the pillows and curled up into your arms.  When you were having a hard time, he did the same for you.  When the war was finally over and he needed a plan for his future, you were there.  You provided him steadiness in a time of massive change.

More than a year went by like this.  Some days were hard, but you depended on each other and supported each other.  You formed a strong bond and partnership.  You’d found a steady rhythm.

One morning you woke up in his arms and smiled as he coiled around you just a little more securely.  It wasn’t unusual for Jesse’s cock to stand at attention first thing in the morning, but on this particular morning you felt like you wanted to touch him, like you wanted to explore.  It felt safe enough to experiment.  He dozed for another half hour before he started to stir.  Although you normally took your time waking up, you’d stewed with the idea and now that it came to it, you weren’t sure how to bring it up.

“What is it,” he asked, rubbing his eyes.  You popped a mint and offered him one.

“Well, for whatever reason, I was wondering if you’d like to…” you bit your lip.  He tilted his head and looked at you quizzically before you asked, “Umm, do you want to have sex?” 

“Yeah, if that’s what you want,” he replied.  He reached out to hold your hand and kiss your palm.  “If you don’t want to, then we stop.” 

You nodded.  You were both a little hesitant, unsure of where to start.  You’d never actually wanted this before, but you knew this was your person. Your ultimate safe space.  And right now, your body and heart said ‘yes.’

Jesse took his clothes off and helped you out of yours.  You’d been naked together before, but never for this purpose. It was always so you could shower together.  Now it was new and exciting.  It wasn’t scary like you were worried it might be.  Jesse wasted no time and asked, “When you touch yourself, how do you like to be touched?”

You showed him and he mimicked the movement.  He laid next to you to get more comfortable and placed kisses on your cheek, resting his forehead to yours, whispering, “I want to make you feel good, love.”

While your bodies reacted quickly to each other, it didn’t feel rushed.  You took your time, caressing all over and eliciting responses from each other that belonged to no one else.  You held each other afterward and felt absolute contentment.  He let out a series of deep sighs, joy radiating throughout his body.

You looked over to him after some time and asked, “Do you want to shower with me?”

He let out a little hum and gently pulled you up, thoroughly taking his time making sure you felt cared for and loved.  You ended up with most of the morning gone and eating brunch together.

“Was everything okay this morning,” he asked.

“Of course it was,” you replied.  “Are you worried about something? Was it okay for you?”

“Oh it was wonderful for me,” he said. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay with everything.”

You reached for his hand and reassured him.  “I’m glad we fooled around. It felt good, so good, and I don’t know,” you shrugged, “This morning I wanted to feel a different type of closeness. And hopefully there can be a repeat when it feels right.”

He smiled and squeezed your hand gently.  “Let me know,” he winked before seriously adding, “but there’s never any pressure, cyare.”

“I know there’s not,” you said. You stood up to clear the plates and he snaked his arms around your middle. 

“I love you,” he said. “And I want to have brunch with you forever.”

You grinned and kissed the top of his head. “I love you too. And also the brunch thing.”

It wasn’t frequent by any means, but every so often, you’d have a sexy romp together.  Jesse always put you first until one day you took control and insisted he lay back and let you take over.  That was fun.  It felt great to know what you wanted and to know that you were safe with each other.  He always insisted on cuddling after, followed by cleaning you up (even when you took charge he insisted he be the one to wash you), and having something to eat.  

Then about a year went by with what some might call a dry spell.  Your relationship remained steady, but you hadn’t felt like being intimate in that way.  You were close in other ways and while that was more than enough for you, you started to worry he might feel differently.  You both sat at the table mid-morning, finishing brunch.

“Is this still okay,” you asked him.

“Is what still okay,” he asked before shoving the last bite of toast in his mouth as you picked up the plates to walk them to the sink.

Your eyes darted, unsure of how to bring it up when you flat out said, “We haven’t had sex in a long time and I just don’t want you to get bored of me.”

His face dropped and he hurriedly swallowed his food while reaching his arms around your middle to reassure you.

“I love you,” he said, giving you a firm but gentle squeeze, “And I want to have brunch with you forever.”

You smiled, tears of relief misting your eyes.  You kissed the top of his head and murmured, “I love you too. And also the brunch thing.”

Tagging: @kixs-husband @staycalmandhugaclone @wreckers-wife @dukeoftheblackstar (Sinker is next!)