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mka1098 · 3 years

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I’m Gay Panicking But It’s Fine - A Solangelo One-Shot Fanfiction

Thank you to @windbyfire for letting me use your fanart !

Might be a bit of OOC it's my first Solangelo piece; they are just too cute for me not to try and write them. Also, I'm straight (feel free to make fun of me like my friends, I take all the hits) so my attempt at gay panic is just not great. I just tried to think of my friend when they gay panic. Haha, hope you guys like this piece, and here's the link to the podfic/audio version

Audio listen along: https://youtu.be/xRLTIr6ZqwE

I'm Gay Panicking But It's Fine by Mka1098

Nico is a generally petulant, cold-faced, and stoic person. He smiles only during the darkest and latest of nights and barely grunts a word at people. His expressions are perceived as less than friendly and perhaps the only people who weren’t afraid of him and his ghost powers could be counted on one hand. (Percy, Annabeth, Jason, Hazel, and Renya). So it was a total shock to him when the golden-haired Will Solace bounced next to him right as he was leaving his cabin at 2 PM in the afternoon.

“Uh… hi?” He says in the quietest voice. Will smiles brightly at him.

“Hi, Nico.” The blonde says. Nico frowns. He feels as if he’s being smirked at. And oh, it is not a welcomed feeling, not for him. Enough people believe they can mess with him and those said people were sent right to Will’s own wing.

“What do you want?” He asks with a bit of bite in his tone. Will shrugs.

“Just wanted to say hi.” He says evenly. Nico scowls at him.

“That’s it?” His tone is harsh. “You just wanna pop over here and say hi? For no reason?” Nico says snarkily. Surprisingly, Will doesn’t run and scream in terror; he doesn’t start to shake either. Instead, his smile seems to grow infinitesimally bigger and he shoves his hands into his pockets.

“Yep.” He pops the P of the word before turning sharply left and away from Nico. The blonde doesn’t even look back at the confounded boy he had left standing. Instead, he smiles at some of the other campers and heads into cabin 6.

Nico stares back at him dumbly, even as he disappears into the cabin. “What the Hades?” He mutters quizzingly to himself. Nico crosses his arms tightly on his chest. There are some other campers, gossips for sure, who are staring at him. They are murmuring hush whispers while clearly pointing at him. He sends them a murderous glare; the point gets across and they scramble away quickly. Nico sighs. Sure being dark and broody is helpful when one wants to be alone but there are times when he doesn’t want to be alone. Alas, how on this earth is one supposed to make friends when they have the appearance of a walking skeleton. Nico keeps walking towards the mess hall. He needs food; he needs it now. His stomach shouts at him to hurry up. Hm, if only Jason was here then maybe he’d believe him that yes, the Nico Di Angelo does still run on sustenance-- well, something other than happy meals.

Few campers are still in the mess hall when he arrives. They stick to their own tables, their only sibling. Nico has no sibling, not any that are here at least. Sitting down, he summons plain salted noodles, slightly butter and light garlic; diet coke rather than water. He sighs as he smashes a forkful into his mouth. Pasta’s great and all but he eats it because they are simple carbs. Plain pasta isn’t overpowering, it isn’t too earthy or meaty or lettuce. It’s just enough to keep him upright. Nico sighs again as he finishes half the bowl, quickly getting sick of the dish. As he scrapes the rest of the pasta into the fire, he wishes he had a friend next to him.

“Welcome back.” Nico groans as the harsh light attacks his eyes. He attempts to get up but is shoved, gently at least, back down. “You just woke up; it’d be awful if you fainted again.” The voice chuckled. Nico’s eyes register just enough to see curly blonde hair next to him. The figure is wearing a white coat and holding a clipboard; it’s Will.

“What happened?” Nico says in a slight snarl.

“Shadow travel,” Will responds dryly. “Did you know you have a limit on distance and time?” He asks with an innocent voice but his eyes are letting on more than he’s saying. “It seems to me that your body uses a lot of energy to travel around that way and it lowers our blood sugar significantly.”

Nico scowls at him and blinks at the feeling of a hollow ache within him. “Yes, I did know that.” He says. Will makes a half-smile, half-smirk.

“Great, then I’m going to need you to manage your shadow traveling a bit better,” Will says. “I will come up with exact rules soon but know it’s going to be more limited now.”

Nico feels fury well up inside of him. “Not over my dead body.” He growls. Wills chuckles at his threat, annoying Nico even more.

“One-” Will puts a finger up. “-if you were a dead body then I did my job wrong. Two, as if you’d go so quickly. And three, doctor’s orders.” He says firmly, leaning in. Nico crosses his arms indignantly.

“And what if I don’t listen?” He snaps.

“You will.” Will sounds so sure of himself. Nico’s eyes darken.

“And how do you know that?”

Will leans in; he leans in very much. Nico gulps subconsciously and for a moment is shell-shocked by the smug look on Will’s face. His eyes are full of bright lights and mirth. His mouth is pink and completely sure. Nico never really talked to Will before… well yesterday when he had randomly said hi when Nico woke up. He had always known the blonde, how could one not and vise versa. He knew Will was smart and capable and a wicked good doctor; Nico just didn’t know how commanding and snarky he was either.

“Oh, I have a feeling.” With that, Will leans back and rips off a piece of paper, and hands it to Nico. The boy stares at it; it has times and measurements. “Your rules,” Will says easily. “Doctor’s orders.” He leaves with a flourish of his coat and Nico is left still on the bed with shouted orders to rest.

Nico is surprised-- pleasantly surprised. Everyone at camp is afraid of him and his ‘scary’ powers. But Will is not. It’s a nice change. A hint of a smile appears on Nico’s face. He actually listens for once (because he is not Percy Jackson)

“What is that?” Nico stares at the cards in Will’s hands. He shrugs. Nico scowls at him deeper. “What is that?” He repeats.

“Mythomagic cards.” Will smiles brightly; Nico wants to put on sunglasses. “I was playing with a couple of my patients when I remembered that you used to be a huge fan of the game. That was how you identified Dionysus right?” Will teases. Nico feels his face warm up, something that never happened before. Indignantly, he turns away with a huff. “Huh? Don’t like it? Mm… could’ve sworn you still liked the game; oh well, see you later then.”

Will only takes about 3 steps before Nico caves. “Wait,” Nico calls out quiet but Will hears and spins around as if he had shouted at the top of his lungs. “I- I still like the game, okay?” Nico says, trying to act hardened but it wasn’t working as well as he was hoping it would.

“Perfect!” Will says with a grin on his face. “Come join me.” He puts a hand out between them. Nico stares at it. What? Noticing that Nico didn’t move a muscle, Will quirks an eyebrow up. “Huh? Too much for you to handle?” He teases. “Sorry, just say it.” He brings his hands back to the pocket of his sweatshirt but smiles welcomingly for Nico to follow him. Nico frowns before giving in and following the blonde. He still catches the smirk residing on Will’s face.

“You don’t need to look so smug; I still like the game,” Nico growls. Will tilts his head to the side.

“I hoped so.”

They enter the hospital healing wing and there is a group of kids in clean white robes that seem to light up when their eyes catch on Will. They are young-- ages 9...10...11...12 perhaps. “Dr.Solace!” They chorus before even noticing that Nico stands next to him. Will smiles brightly; he looks almost like an angel of medicine with the sun shining through the window. “You’re back!” The kids continue. Will laughs and leaps onto one of the empty gurneys. Nico walks and stands awkwardly next to it. The kids don’t spare him much of a glance-- he wants to melt into the shadows to escape but finds that the wing is so lit up with light the nearest shadow could barely cover his entire hand.

“I am!” Will says, eyes Twinkling. “And… I brought a friend.” He presents his arms out like a magician showing his newest trick. The kids stare at Nico. Nico stares back awkwardly. Uh… what is he supposed to do now? He waves; a tight forced smile is on his face. The kids look at him intently and then back at Will. They smile, a move Nico did not expect, and nearly giggle out. What on… what? “Guys…” Will says with a head shake. Nico looks at him with a head shake. Is there a blush on his face or has Nico forgotten breakfast again? “-don’t laugh. This is Nico.”

A kid falls over, chortling. “Oh… we know.” He says mischievously. Will sends him a hard look. The kid turns back to Nico and thrusts a stack of cards in his hands. “You’ve ever played?” Nico looks at the cards… amateur set.

“Yeah.” Nico grunts. The kids here are all too young to know his past-- they don’t know what these cards mean to him. “Course I do… I’ve got seven of these.” He continues. The kid’s eyes widen like saucers; the other kids gasp dramatically.

“No way!” The kid lights up like a firework. “That’s so many! I only have that one of everything. But I do have two Apollos!” The kid explains.

“No, you don’t! You don’t have Athena.”

“It didn’t come with!”

“That’s no excuse.”

Nico is confused and stares at the bickering kids, unsure of what to do next. WIll seems to have noticed his discomfort because he leans over slightly. “Tanner, he’s one of Ares’s kids. Lara’s mom is Athena. They like to fight a lot but they’re friends.” He explains. Nico quietly nods, observing as Lara and Tanner begin to shove each other's shoulders. Will allows them to fight for a minute longer before cleaning his throat and stenly glaring at them. Lara sheepishly takes her hands off of Tanner’s shoulders. “That’s enough; do you want to start the game now or what?” Will smiles, holding his cards up. Nico copies the motions, inspecting each player carefully.

“I’m ready to win.” Lara brags. Without meaning to, a rare smirk raises to Nico’s face; it feels equally foreign and nice.

“That’s funny because I’m sure I’m going to win,” Tanner shouts at her. Lara stickers her tongue out at her.

Nico lowly huckles, hiding it behind his stack of cards. Will seems to be the only one who notices it. The blonde looks at him with a smile and eyebrow quirk. Nico scowls. “What?” He snaps.

Will shakes his head. “Nothing. Just nice to see that look on your face.”

Nico stares at him, unsure of what he means. So instead of worrying about it, he resorts to slamming these kids at Mythomagic. No one knows it better than he does.

“Woah! How’d you do that?” Lara shouts at him when Nico unsurprisingly wins. He shrugs.

“Easy move.” He says lazily. Lara glares at him but it’s nothing like her older sister’s stare so he’s not fazed at all. “You’ll learn it in time.” He all but teases. She snarls at him; he slightly grins back.

Will laughs and forces Lara to put her cards back in the pile. “He’s a big fan of the game, don’t take it personally.” He tells her. Tanner looks back at Nico with wide and impressed eyes.

“Really?”

Nico feels awkward-- never once has anyone looked at him in awe. Why was this kid doing these? What did he want from him? “Uh- yeah. I have most of the extra packs. You know, it’s fun.” HE babbles out, wanting to melt into the ground. Tanner leaps up onto his gurney.

“That’s awesome!” He cries. “Can you play with us more?” He asks. His eyes go big and wide and Nico finds it in himself to not shut him down with a harsh no. tanner looks excited, Lara looks interested and Will looks smug. Nico snarls at him.

“What’s got you all happy and sunshiny?” He asks. Will just keeps smiling, still looking like a medicine angel or whatever.

“It’s nice seeing you have fun. I’m so used to you groaning in pain on one of these.” He motions to the gurneys. “You should play with us more. Lots of the kids love the game.” Will asks. His smile seems welcoming. Nico is still unsure if he should or shouldn’t agree. “Besides… how else will those extra card packs come into use?” Will teases.

Nico decides that he’ll agree to play with him more often. “Touche.” He mumbles and Will knows he’s won. The kids are a bit loud for his taste but the game is fun. It’s nice playing with people who love Mythomagic almost as much as he does. And Will… he’s nice… a little too nice but not awful. He’s a nice friend. Maybe…

When Nico leaves the hospital wing to retreat into his own cabin to nap the day away, he leaves with a new ten-year-old fan, a planned gaming session next Tuesday, and Will’s touch lingering on his shoulder. He buries himself in his four blankets and knocks out for twenty hours.

He admits… it’s weird having a friend-- at the same time, it’s so nice. Will is friendly and bright; slightly annoying but sometimes it makes him smile in a way that makes him also want to bury himself into the ground. How could a person look so sweet yet not disgusting? It didn’t make sense! The last time a person had smiled like an angel and been cute without being awful was Percy and Nico didn’t need another round of that.

“Hey… Will, can you- do you think you can help me with something?” Nico says, very nervously. The feeling’s very odd for him; he’s more brooding than awkward on a day-to-day basis. The young patients behind Will seem to giggle slightly. The blonde smiles back at him, looking as golden as his father in a tiny way.

“Yeah… with what?” He asks, leaning forward on the gurney.

Nico opens his mouth to respond but is distracted for a second. Who on Gaea’s earth gave Will arms like that? They’re strong, that’s clear but not overly muscled and big. Lean but firm and oh dear Zeus, why can’t Nico stop gaping at them. Why are they so gorgeous? Why are they so distracting? Oh gods. Nico swallows and forces his eyes away from the view. If Will had noticed him staring, he certainly doesn’t show it. His smile is as serene and pleasant as ever. Nico swears his face isn’t bright red but it may be.

“Um- Per- my dad wants me over for dinner and… I don’t know, I wanna make a good impression on my step-mom; she’s not trying to smite me so I think it’d be nice.” Nico admits, fighting the urge to shadow travel away. God, he’s so awkward. Nico blames Will’s newfound arms for the feeling-- technically though, Nico had been awkward since he called out Will’s name while walking slowly into the room.

“Yeah, of course!” Will smiles brightly.

“Really?”

“Definitely. My shift’s wrapping up anyway so I have the time.”

“Oh.” A smile sneaks its way up on Nico’s face. He hates it. “Thanks.” He says meekly. Will shrugs, calling that it’s no problem and that he’ll meet him at his cabin in about ten minutes.

When Nico closes his cabin door, he questions his own sanity.

He further questions it as Will explains which fork is which and which spoon goes where. Oh if he thought his arms were a distraction before then it was the entire center star of a solar system now. With his doctor coat, most of Will’s arm had been covered and only the forearm showed and a sliver of upper arms-- now his entire arm is on display and Nico’s mouth is basically probably drooling. It’s all lean muscle and beautifully tanned skin.

“Nico? Hello~?” Will waves his hand in front of his face and Nico jumps about a foot in the air. Will snickers; Nico does not.

“I hear ya, salad, soup, all that,” Nico growls in an attempt to hide his gaping. Will chuckles and folds his arms over his chest. Huh, wow… biceps-- very nice. Nico feels dizzy.

“Great, then I will be on my way then,” Will says easily, walking towards the door.

Everything in Nico’s mind and body screams at him to not let the boy leave. He steps up and puts a hand on Will’s shoulder and wow, it’s an equally terrible and glorious idea. He jerks back like he’s been burned; Will takes notice and looks at him like he’s gone insane. He probably is a third way there.

“I- I need help picking something nice to wear.” Nico blabbers out, a very unlikely thing for him to do. “Pure emo black probably isn't the best impression.” He continues like an idiot. He secretly asks for the earth to open up and swallow him whole. Then again, he could probably have that arranged if he really wanted it to happen. “I don’t know what to do, you know…?” Cue awkward grin. Cue facepalm. Cue Will’s weirdly cute head tilt.

“Well your father is Hades so I don’t think she’d really mind this-” Will looks him up and down; Nico’s face becomes red. “-ensemble. But I do get where you’re coming from. I’m thinking… nice but still My Chemical Romance?” Will teases him. Nico scowls at him. “I kid-- actually no I don’t.” Will makes a quick turn and thrust open Nico’s closet. It’s a total mess and explosion of black clothing. He’s unsure if he should be embarrassed or not. Either way, he is. “This… not bad...this one is actually better-- okay, I got one.” Will throws his newfound sartorial choice. Nico catches it in his hands and looks quizzingly at them. “Nice non-ripped jeans, striped black and white button-up… just wear black sneakers and comb your hair out of your face a bit,” Will instructs him.

Nico nods. “Not a bad choice.” He laments. WIlls rolls his eyes and scoffs.

“I’m gay-- course I have some style. What’s your excuse?” He says snarkily.

Nico can only blink back at him. Gay, gay, he’s gay. Oh of course he’s gay! His inner monologue is stupid. I’m gay, he’s gay. Oh my gods, we’re both gay. I could date him! I wanna date him? Do I? No! I don’t! Maybe? Yes? No? He has great arms… it wouldn’t be bad. And a pretty cute smile-- plus he’s gay. Wait… why is he staring at me with that look? Nico opens his mouth but no words come out. Wills starts to full-on laugh. He’s laughing, oh my gods, I’m dead. It’s cute… AH, I’M EVEN MORE SCREWED! Wow, his arms… I should watch him do his blood tests one day. Nope...that’s weird. But would it be hot? Probably…AUGH!

“Are you okay?” Will gasps in between his chuckles. Whatever is happening in Nico’s mind is the mental equivalent to a keyboard smash.

“Yep,” Nico says, preparing to shadow travel. He steps backwards into the shadow and begins to melt away.

But much to his shock, Will’s eyes widen and his hands shoots out, grabbing Nico by his hoodie sleeve. Will drags him back into the light and aggressively points a finger in his face. His expression is a mix between worry and lots of anger. He’s never been like this before. Nico is shocked and weirdly intrigued.

“You’re not getting away with that-- not from me at least.” Will scolds him. Nico stares at him blankly. He’s mad… it’s lowkey hot. Uh- should I be breathing right now because I don’t think I am. I mean, he’s a doctor he could fix me. NO! BAD IDEA! I’ve never seen him so mad. Or mad at all. Huh. Huh... I don’t think my brain is functioning. “-as your doctor… it is an order.” Will finish but Nico caught only 10% of what he said. Nico gulps, not out of fear but out of… well he doesn't even know.

“Noted,” Nico says dryly. Will huffs and nods, looking at him with a fierce glare. It’s now he understands why Percy gets that stupid dazed look on his face when Annabeth is yelling at him. He’s really hot right now and I don’t think that's okay. Nico wants to shadow travel again but it would probably be risky. Not that he doesn't want to see angry Will again, it’s more so… he’s already pushed it.

“Good,” Will says haughtily before leaving the cabin.

Nico stares out his window till Will’s curly blonde hair is no longer visible. He then falls into his bed, face-first into a pillow. He blinks into the pillow-- and does so for a very long time. His brain is fried and it is because of Will.

I’m panicking

“I need your help.”

“Really?”

“Yes! Please help me now!”

“Okay, okay, what for?”

Nico looks around him and then back at the IM. “I think I’m panicking.” She raises a brow at him and drily says, no duh. He glares at her; Renya isn’t phased in the slightest. “But really-- I feel like my heart is about to explode.”

“Is your heartbeat really going that fast?” Renya questions. Nico throws his arms up in the air.

“Maybe? Probably not?” Nico sighs and drags a hand down his face. “...I saw Will.” He admits.

Renya’s face turns into an interested smile. “Go on.”She says. Nico feels his face heating up and the following urge to jump into an ice bath. Gods, he hated blushing like a ten-year-old girl.

“Everyone was going swimming…” He continues. The smirk on Renya’s face grows. “-and I decided that maybe I should go too, you know, for fun.” He mumbles.

“Nice to hear you’re not hermit-shelling yourself.” Renya teases. Nico glares at her. SHe only shrugs.

“But-” Nico points up a finger. “Will and his sibling decided to go swimming in the lake too. Which I guess makes sense or whatever, everyone in camp is burning up today but I still wasn’t expecting it.”Nico ignores Renya’s snickers.

“You didn’t realize that he: as a part of the camp, was going swimming in the lake?”

“Shut up!”

“You literally called me to freak out over this.”

Nico just nearly swipes at the message. “I discovered his arms a couple weeks ago and I couldn’t look at him the same; now I’ve seen him without a shirt and I can’t look at him, full stop. He’s hot-- like really hot. Literally looks like his dad; what do I do?” Nico walks around in a circle in his cabin, tugging at his hair in a frenzy. “I stared at him for a complete minute. I don’t think I breathed or blinked or moved at all. Just- I stood there.” He continues.

“Nico,” Renya says seriously. “You’re panicking.” She deadpans. He turns to scowl at her. She raises a brow in defiance.

“I know that!” He cries out. His eyes catch to the uncovered window where there is a perfect view of bare-torso Will ran by. He is silently laughing, hair flying back and eyes nearly closed. Nico gulps and his brain pauses for a minute or two. How are the campers around him even functioning!? It’s like watching a piece of art but not in an objectifying way. “I’m gay panicking but it’s fine.” Nico sputters out. The words are a total mess that falls in front of him. Renya cackles like a witch.

“Will walked by?”

“Yes!”

Nico grabs a blanket from his bed and huddles it around his body. He groans loudly and falls to the ground. Renya’s eyes trail down with him, quietly witnessing his breakdown. She doesn’t even make a sound as he mutters deliriously about how Will is affecting him and that his brain is now melted.

“You know, it may just help to tell him you like him. Might stop the panicking.” Renya offers. Nico glares at her from the ground and forces an arm out to wave around madly.

“What part of-” His arms are now a helicopter rotor. “-this makes you think I could confess.”

Renya rolls her eyes. “You’re an emo-depressed boy, not an emo anxious boy.” She says drily.

“I could be both!”

“But you’re not.” Reyna chuckles. “It’s fine to tell him you like him. He’s not as blind as Percy; he’s as gay as you are so that means he knows what he’s doing. You’ve said it before, he’s very clearly smirked while you blushed. Why not tell him? Will’s not the type to lead a person on. He probably is just waiting his time and having fun with it. It’s more torturous for you than him.” Nico makes a sound of pure gay panic for an impressibly long time. Renya allows him to do so. “I gotta go soon.” She looks off the IM for a second and nods. “However, you still need to at least consider it.” She points at him threateningly.

Nico nods meekly from the floor and watches wordlessly as the IM disappears.

If anyone is able to die from gay panicking, Nico’s unwilling trying to accomplish it.

Nico wants to die but he can’t seem to turn off his mouth. The words he was spilling weren’t the ones he had practiced with Renya but Will is smiling at them nonetheless. He’s sure the red on his face has taken over and he’s become a tomato head. Nico feels miserable and thanks all deities for making sure no one else is walking onto the scene.

“-so yeah that's kinda what I wanted to say...yeah.” Nico prays for his father’s realm.

Will lets out a laugh and if it wasn’t so horribly sweet and cute, Nico would have shadow traveled away. “That’s very nice and brave of you to say,” Will says. He leans out and presses a kiss to Nico’s cheek. Nico nearly falls over. “And I like you too. But I’ve been waiting for you to make a move since you started staring at my arms like a lifeline.” Nico gasps and points at Will accusingly.

“You noticed?”

“How could I not.”

Nico glares at him harshly. “I don’t like you no more.” He mutters. Wills sighs but with a smile on his face. He opens his arms and closes them around Nico’s form. Nico is shocked by the fact that he is still standing. His inner mind is frozen still. “Oh.” He says dumbly.

Will chuckles, the sound resonates lowly and vibrates from his chest to Nico. “Does this make up for it?”

Nico scowls but doesn’t deny anything. His heart is beating much faster than it should but it’s kinda okay with him. He decides that, yes the hug makes up for the torture Will put him through: freaking arm tease. It’s warm and comforting and he really likes how Will smells.

“Yeah. It does.”

Awe... aren't they just so cute? I wrote this pretty late at night so my own speech patterns ended up slipping in. By the way, the emo-depressed/anxious boy thing is literally a thing I put in from my own personal conversations. I have a very wonderful NB emo anxious depressed boi in my life. I hoped you guys liked this story and found it either funny, cute, or slightly relatable...maybe. - Mka1098

#solangelo #nico di angelo #solangelo fanfic #solangelo fanfiction #will solace #pjo #percy jackson fanfiction #they are just cute gay children #nico is panicked #will is hot #gay panic #gay panicking #nico is gay panicking over will

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makeusfreefromthisfandom · 4 years

Text

Anon asked: just found your blog and let me just say 10/10! the parenting headcanons*chef's kiss*…. could you please create headcanons on how style 5 would treat their pregnant s/o? thanks!!!!

I’m so glad you liked my blog so much<33and yes don’t the boys as dads make you go soft🥺

Pregnant S/O (Style 5)

Another long post~

Haru

Confused boy™️

Planned or unplanned he’s still surprised and confused when you tell him

Internally, he’s panicking

He doesn’t have any siblings either so he never got to experience pregnancy

He’ll probably think that it’s best to give you space and let you handle it

But oh no that was a big mistake on his part

He very quickly realizes just how much you need him to be there for you (it’s not like he purposely distanced himself, he was just scared that he would interfere in a way)

You tell him it’s no such thing and that’s when Haru will secretly start his little research and reading up on pregnancy

From then on he’s by your side 100% anyone who is giving you dirty looks can f*** off Haru ain’t having none of that. he’s giving them his silent death stares

He’ll be holding your hair back and gently caressing your back on those mornings when you’re over the toilet <3

Rushes by your side faster than he strips off for water when you call out to him or need him for anything

He’s very nervous and awkward when touching your belly it’s like an alien to him

But when you take his hand and slowly bring it to rest on your tummy, he’ll ease

Might say a few words to his baby which just makes you go 😣🥺😍🥰

He’ll mentally prepare himself and will still be internally panicking especially when the time is near

Of course he would never show it to you tho he wants to be there for you and your wall of support he can’t let you know that he’s also panicking

But all his worries suddenly wash away once his child is finally given to him in his arms and he looks onto them with a little smile, but his eyes are absolutely bursting with love❤️

Makoto

Aww Makoto is going to be a bit doting on your pregnancy

I mean he was probably still fairly young himself when his own mother was pregnant with twins, but he probably watched his father and how he took care of Mama Tachibana

Folks lemme tell you. Mama and Papa Tachibana raised this man RIGHT

You might think that Makoto would freak out a lot during pregnancy, which is only half right

He’ll be so so so so gentle around you, making sure you eat enough food, get enough sleep, etc.

Will even massage your swollen feat and ankles🥺

He even gives into your cravings haha he just wants you to be as comfortable as possible <3

He loves putting his hand on your belly and talking to his baby, saying sweet things and having conversations, even if the baby isn’t born yet, it’s a way for him to start bonding with his child and an indirect way of letting you know how much he loves and appreciates you and won’t ever leave your side 🥺❤️

He’s very careful and gentle all throughout the 9 months, but he does have his moments when he freaks out a bit

Like when you think th water broke and then when the water ACTUALLY broke

He’s still fully prepared tho, he created a bag with all the essentials waiting by the doorway longgg ago

The whole time he’s telling you what a great job you’re doing and how amazing you are, and so on 😣💘

Once Makoto actually gets to hold his child, the world around him stops and it’s like falling in love all over again but now it’s x2 with you and his own little baby ❤️

Whatta MAN take notes.

Nagisa

Jumping up and down with excitement when you tell him 😆

Ladies and Gents, he’s got this one in the bag.

Absolutely giving into all your cravings, even offering his own sweets and chocolate from his secret candy stash

Foot rubs, leg rubs, back rubs, he’s ready to do it ALL to make you happy and relaxed

He’s going to his absolute BEST to make himself less burdening on you because usually you have to be the one take care of him

So he’s going to want to take care of the cooking, cleaning, chores, etc.

The cooking turns out to be a disaster...mostly because he adds more of the stuff he thinks is good and doesn’t exactly follow the recipe...

But atleast the cleaning isn’t all so bad 🥺

Totally so patient with you. He’s there when those pregnancy hormones kick in and those emotions are let lose

Cradles your belly when you guys are in bed 🥺

he gets SO excited when he feels the baby kick like SOOOO excited

“WOAH...DID YOU FEEL THAT? HUH (NAME)-CHAN?THE BABY KICKED”

*goes back to having his little conversations with the baby to feel it kick again*

So yeah Nagisa’s always calling up Rei to fill him up on EVERYTHING

Anywayss when the baby is actually born, all of Nagisa’s excitement will die down to pure softness as he just looks at his little bundle of joy with love with a warm smile❤️

Rei

Rei is actually very happy when you tell him and softly kisses your forehead

Not even a minute passes where he’s now standing and pushing up his glasses, ready to prepare himself for what’s to come

Reads up ALL about pregnancy like EVERYTHING

The cravings, the mood swings, the morning sickness

He’s even read up all potential complications and situations you can be put in

Physically the guy is ALL prepared for when the water breaks at any given moment...like Makoto he’s got a bag ready and everything

Aww he literally goes THE EXTRA mile for you. Like buying for you stuff that isn’t really needed during a pregnancy but great to have nonetheless.

He’s very strict when it comes to how you eat and sleep tho

He just wants what’s best for BOTH the baby and you <3

That means he’s got diets planned out, alternatives for unhealthy cravings, making sure you get a full 7-8 hours of sleep daily.

Sometimes you gotta be the one to tell this man to chill out It’s like he’s the one pregnant

But in all honesty, you really do appreciate it, many men would sadly never go this far to taking care of a pregnant s/o so you are luckyyy 💘

Although Rei did EXTENSIVE amount of research, nothing actually prepared him mentally for when the water actually broke...

All the details aside, when he finally holds his baby in his arms, all of Rei’s research and worries and everything goes completely out the window, because nothing could have ever prepared him for a moment this beautiful ❤️

Rin

You got it...once you tell this shark baby about the pregnancy, he’s crying

But tears of joy as he embraces you and tells you how much he loves you and promises to be the best dad he can for his child ❤️

Protective Matsuoka has entered the chat.

Would let you do ANYTHING that seems even potentially dangerous to you or the unborn child

Takes it upon himself to do everything from cooking and cleaning to preparing baths for you and giving you massages and rubs <3

Also handles anything outside the house too like groceries and shopping <3

“Nah Nah babe, don’t you worry, I got this” *kiss*

Warms your heart ❤️

He lends you his body pillow too

Nights where he’s gently laying his head on your tummy, talking to the baby and telling him a lot about the world outside 🥺

Tells the baby that he’s gonna show them a sight that they’ve never seen

You go heart squeeze 😣

Gets super excited when he feels a kick and omg it’s all just cuteness overload I can’t even explain it🥰

You tell him to stop crying so much or else the baby is gonna catch on

Still in tears when he his little one his born and in his arms, not that you aren’t moved to tears either.

Just a precious moment for him with his precious child and precious s/o, a perfect little family ❤️

#Haruka Nanase #Makoto Tachibana #Nagisa Hazuki #Rei Ryugazaki #Rin Matsuoka #free!#haruka nanase x reader #makoto tachibana x reader #nagisa hazuki x reader #rei ryugazaki x reader #rin mastuoka x reader #free! imagines #free! x reader #free! scenarios #free! headcanons #free! iwatobi swim club #free! dive to the future

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simsadventures · 5 years

Text

Not Me: Chapter 2: Domestic Bliss

Summary: You throw a party at your house, and while on the outside you look like the perfect couple, the reality is quite different. Especially after you learn about another shocking truth. But Bucky seems to be shocked as well.

Warnings: angst, pretending, infidelity, hint of jealousy, swearing, betrayal, weight loss

Pairing: CEO!Bucky Barnes x wife!Reader

Word Count: 2555

A/N: I promise, all will be explained in a short time. What did we all think? Bucky is an ass, that’s for sure, but maybe there’s something behind his behaviour… who knows? XD FEEDBACK is gold, so please, let me know if you like it, or what was your favourite part :) xx

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

< Previous Chapter

You looked at yourself in the mirror and sighed. Where there used to be a happy, confident woman, was now standing an unsure being without shape or form. You always loved the way your boobs looked, having been one of the lucky girls to have their breasts just the right size and shape without undergoing surgery. But since you lost more than 20 pounds over the last year, your boobs all but disappeared.

So did the glow your skin used to have once. You were dull now, and if it weren’t for your hairdresser who tried to keep your hair shiny and healthy-looking, you bet you would like a walking dead. But no matter how much weight you lost, James didn’t seem to care.

It was pathetic to even try in the first place, because he would always mumble something like you’re not gonna get me, and would walk away, leaving you confused and hurt. You thought that maybe he thought you weren’t representative enough for him, so you tried to lose weight. But nothing happened because you were just the right amount of weight.

It came only with the constant heartbreak that you finally lost your appetite, and the pounds started to disappear from the scale.

You shrugged in the mirror and applied another layer of red lipstick to your lips and plastered a fake smile on your face. This would be a long night, you thought to yourself, as you descended the stairs leading to your formal room, aka the torture room, as you liked to call it.

It was there that most of the parties and meeting happened, and because it was your turn to host one of the Y/L/N family parties, you couldn’t even protest. Your whole family would be there, and so was James’.

After what your father told you that day, and the way he’s been acting towards you ever since then, you weren’t looking forward to seeing him. Nevertheless, you couldn’t wait to see two of your three brothers. Not that you wouldn’t see them almost every month, it being your only outlet and your flight towards safety, but their faces and goofy acts always made you smile.

When you saw your oldest brother, Max, you actually smiled at him, and you had to tell yourself not to rush too fast towards him, because it would actually look like you weren’t happy in your current position. The hostess of the party. Ugh!

You made sure that the caterers brought everything they should and that your home decorator came soon in the morning to put things in their places, but other than that, you couldn’t care less. It was just for a show, just like every other aspect of your life, apparently.

Max waved at you, and you came close enough to squeeze his hand affectionately. He looked you up and down and frowned, but didn’t say anything, being the polite one of the four of you. You wanted to say something, but then you felt somebody hauling you up from your feet and you screamed, not being able to contain yourself.

When you heard a huron laugh from behind you, you let out a chuckle and tapped his hand, signalling that he should let you down. It was the other brother, two years older than you, Thomas.

While Max was a cardio surgeon, Thomas was in the Army. He only recently got sent home from Afghanistan, and you couldn’t get enough of him, missing him like crazy over the past 7 months while he was on a mission.

“I swear to God, you’re lighter and lighter every time I see you, cheerio! You’re almost translucent, what the fuck is going on, huh?”

You just shook your head and put your fake smile on to calm him down so that he wouldn’t make a scene. Your father and James would eat you alive if somebody caused a scene and you wouldn’t be able to shush them appropriately.

“It’s this new diet I’m on, Tom! I thought I looked marvellous so thank you for bursting my little bubble,” you said playfully, hoping that neither of your brothers would see through you. But who were you kidding? You grew up with them, and you were their little sister, of course, they wouldn’t trust you just like that.

They both exchanged looks that said, right but didn’t press the matter for which you were extremely thankful. You looked around the room to see where your husband was, trying to keep up the appearances at least for a while, but you couldn’t find him anywhere. You shrugged and hoped he’d come as soon as possible, because you could see your father’s prying eyes on you, and you didn’t want to give him another reason to scold you.

To get your mind off of things, you looked for your nieces and nephews, Max’s children, so that nobody would ask you unnecessary questions and you could enjoy some time with your family before you had to go and speak with your father. You couldn’t find your mom anywhere, and you could bet she was outside having a cigarette, or 10. It was her outlet in this crazy world, and although you used to give her lectures, you totally got why she started this horrible habit. It even crossed your own mind a few times.

The little ones were having fun on the veranda, and after you greeted their mother, Felicia, you sat on your heels to let the little ones tell you all they needed.

“And auntie Y/N, why is grass green?” “Y/N, I have a boyfriend, his name is Joshua!”

You listened to the 4-year old asking question over his sister’s telling you about her kindergarten’s love, and you smiled to yourself. You loved the two of them, just as much as you loved the two babes in Felicia’s arms. One-year-old twins. Four children were apparently a lot to take in and to take care of, but Felicia was a pro, and you admired her for her patience with your brother because he sometimes acted worse than those kids.

“Shouldn’t you be in there, entertaining your guests with your husband?” You heard your father’s stern voice from behind you, and the hair on your neck stood up. You clenched your jaw, gave Felicia an apologetic smile and went back inside, without as much as looking at your father.

He didn’t like that too much, so he grabbed you by your upper arm, squeezing so much you could feel the blood draining from the limb.

“Don’t you give me this treatment, young lady. How about you put a smile on that pretty face of yours and stop being so sour, huh? Wouldn’t kill you to be pleasant for a day!”

You blinked away the tears welling in your eyes, nodded absentmindedly, which made him release your arm. You looked around the room once more, looking for James, when you saw him leaving one of the guest rooms on the floor ground. You sighed and put on a smile, which fell as soon as you saw another person leaving the room behind James. Her red hair seemed to be the only thing you saw, and you had to try really hard not to vomit at the sight.

It was one of your bridesmaids and great friends (sure), Natasha. They both looked like they either went through a tornado or they fucked each other’s souls out, and your heart fell.

Not only was he making your life a living hell, but he also fucked one of your friends? That was just perfect. You knew that if you saw him, you weren’t the only one, and sure enough, your father made his presence known again

“You can’t even keep a man? Pf, I thought at least that pussy of yours was for something, but I guess I was wrong,” he said mockingly and left you standing there, feeling like you stood under a cold shower.

James turned around the room, greeted a few people he missed due to his escapades before his eyes landed on you. You wanted to yell at him, wanted to throw stuff at him for doing this to you. Why he married you in the first place, you didn’t understand. You didn’t give him even a small smile as you walked towards him, and, for a second, he looked like a deer caught in headlights. That soon passed, and his typical scowl replaced the shock on his face.

When you reached him, and he snaked his arm your waist (which cause you to shudder in disgust, to be quite frank), you leaned in, and with a smile for the other guests of the party, you whispered to his ear,

“You could have at least each left the room in a different time. And you could have made sure you didn’t look like you just fucked one of my best friends, but maybe that’s just me, dear,” you hissed the last part of the sentence as you looked deep into his eyes and without as much as another thought left him standing there, and went to your brothers again.

Not that you wanted to talk to them about it, but you saw the looks on their faces, and you knew they saw the whole thing, from Bucky leaving the room with Natasha to you talking to him. And the looks on their faces were very close to two people ready to murder somebody, so you tried to go and calm them both down. You were just lucky your twin, Adam, wasn’t there, because he would definitely have already acted. And it wouldn’t be nice considering he was an MMA fighter.

“Is he fucking kidding me? I’m going to kill him, Y/N. Like seriously, it will take me one good measured punch, and he’s down,” Tom said, seething, and you patted his shoulder, keeping your fake smile on your lips.

“Don’t. Please, Tom, Max. Suits me for thinking he could actually love me. Let’s just forget about it and act as if nothing happened, can we?”

“Is that the reason you looked the way you do? For fuck’s sake, Y/N. That idiot’s been killing you for over a year, and now he’ll sleep with your friend, to top it all? Has he been beating you too? That why you have the forming bruise on your arm?” Max asked, his temper showing as well.

You looked down to your bare arm and saw that Max was right indeed. There was a bruise already kind of blue from where your father grabbed you minutes ago.

“It’s not like that, I promise. James hasn’t laid his arms on me, I swear. It’s from a pleasant conversation I had with dad a while ago,” you added, knowing that there was nothing your brothers could do about your despotic father.

They were both red from anger, and you didn’t blame them. If somebody treated your brothers the way James treated you, you’d probably tear them to pieces. Or, at least, the old you would. You didn’t know yourself anymore. This meek wife, trying to do as her father and her husband tell her. You were disgusted by yourself but couldn’t see a way out.

Somebody touched your arm, and from the surprised looks on your brothers’ faces, you knew exactly who it was. The fucking audacity of that woman.

“Natasha, to what do I owe the pleasure?” You asked her, so mockingly, you were actually surprised at yourself.

She looked taken aback, but she still laughed freely.

“What? Can’t I come and as hi to my dear friend?”

It was your turn to laugh in her face.

“Aaah. So I guess that’s what you’ve been doing in one of my guest rooms with my husband, then? Saying hi to him? You guys have some special secret handshake? Or did you fuck him after you exchanged pleasantries?”

She looked terrified, and before you could say more, or before she could start stuttering some lame excuse, you felt a hand on your hip, and from the unpleasant reaction of your body, you knew it was your husband. This was hilarious. His wife and mistress talking, and he just casually strode in.

“May I speak with you, Y/N?” James hissed into your ear, and you stabbed Natasha one last time with your eyes before you let James pull you away from the party into the kitchen.

You couldn’t even look at him, you thought you’d vomit if you did.

“What the fuck is your problem, huh? You’ve got everything you wanted, the house, the marriage, the prestige, everything. What more do you want from me?” He said, raising his voice, and you finally turned around to face him, your brows furrowed in disbelief.

“What? What are you talking about, James? You think I asked for any of this? For the hell my life is right now? Oh so great, I’m married to one of the sexiest CEO on the planet, good for me. But guess, what. I never asked for any of this. All I wanted was to take over the publishing part of the company, live in my little apartment, and maybe, maybe fall in love one day with a nice guy who would treat me right.

Did I think it could be you, for a while? Sure, but don’t worry. I don’t anymore. You asked me to marry you. I don’t know what you’re playing at, but at least I try to make this marriage work and don’t go fucking your best friends behind your back. But I guess I ask too much of you, don’t I? Well, excuse me, your excellence. I did everything you told me to. I stopped speaking up, I started cooking like crazy, wearing make-up all the damn time, wearing clothes like I was part of the Gossip Girl extras, just because you told me to. But I will never be good enough for you, will I? I don’t know what you want from me, James, I really don’t, but if we don’t go back to the party now, people will start asking questions we don’t have answers to,” you said, fighting the tears threatening to leave your eyes.

Bucky was watching your, his expression somewhere between surprise and anger. He looked at you, obviously wanting to continue fighting with you before something caught his attention.

“What the fuck is that on your arm?”

You scoffed and walked around him to leave the kitchen.

“Oh, now you care? Please, give me a break. I don’t know what your motives were to marry me if you wanted the whole company to yourself and had a deal with my father or something, but please, stop acting like you are the worried husband, ok? Let’s just get this party over with, and then you won’t have to look at me for weeks, just the way you like it,” you said with a fake smile (Bucky knew that much, that was definitely not a real smile of yours), and left the kitchen, not caring if he followed you or not.

He just stood there, confused and with more questions than with how many he initially came into the kitchen.

/Next Chapter >

Not Me:

@jennmurawski13 @lovely-geek @vogueworthy-barnes @veronawrites @loser-alert @trumpettay @thesoldierrogers @girlbehindthecameraposts @little-smurf @jesseswartzwelder @fuckwhateverfuck @learisa @karla-silva @blowing-mikey @afterlaughter27 @93generation @ungratefultroll @maybeisthemoon @greenprisca @geeksareunique @champagnesugamama @hailqueenconquer @grincheveryday @mc225g @thatweirdwalangpake @neerness @ntlmundy @captainchrisstan @sspider-parker @cap-just-said-language

Bucky Taglist

@this-kitten-is-smitten @paradisiacalsparks @crazybutconfidentaf @owlyannah @lassini @s-trawberryv-eins @reniescarlett @bxrnsfeyson @the-soulofdevil

Marvel Taglist

@voltage-my2dlove @kneel-begyourpardon @lumar014 @ptrs-prkrs

Forever Tag:

@eileenalone @sasbb23 @p8tn0lish @coffeebooksandfandom @waiting4inspiration @caswinchester2000 @mogaruke @justthatfangirloverthere @mushyjellybeans @livsheph @sebbbystaaan @notyourtypicalrose @itsunclebucky

943 notes · View notes

alarawriting · 4 years

Text

52 Project #16: Norris and the Plague Doctors

Part of this story appeared previously last October as the entry for the Inktober prompt “Catch”. Cover art by Alexander Carpe (https://www.deviantart.com/sollidnitrogen).

Mom stirred slightly, moaning. “Come on,” Norris said, shaking her. “Come on, Mom, get up! There’s deaders on their way over here! You gotta get up!”

“Go,” Mom slurred. “Norris… run…”

“No, Mom! You gotta get up!”

Some part of Norris’ mind knew that what he was doing wasn’t going to work, and was incredibly dangerous besides. Mom had gotten bit by a deader last night. They’d cauterized the wound as soon as Norris had blown its head off with the shotgun, but cauterizing deader bites only worked half the time. Mom was cold, and clammy, and speaking slowly, and she wouldn’t get up. He knew, deep down, that she was changing, and therefore she was lost.

But he wouldn’t let himself recognize that part. Mom was all he had. “Mom, come on, let’s get you somewhere safe where you can get better,” he said. “We got some orange juice, we got some vitamins. I think we still got some canned chicken soup, I can heat it up for you.” Deaders didn’t like fire. It was dangerous to overuse fire because it told the deaders where you were, and the moment the fire went out, they’d move in, but if he could just get Mom to a place where they had a lockable door they could put at their back and a position to shoot from, he could start a fire and cook something for her. Campbell’s condensed soup wasn’t the best, you needed to add water to it, but he still had a few water bottles, and high salt diets were supposed to retard the spread of the zombie germs.

“Can’t. You… you… gotta… go.”

He tried to lift her, but he was an undernourished 10 year old and she was a full-grown woman. He couldn’t get her up, and she wasn’t helping. “Mom! Come on, we gotta get out of here! Wake up!”

Someone’s drone buzzed overhead, but Norris knew better than to think anyone was coming to the rescue. The drones buzzed around all the time. Norris didn’t know if they were from the government or what, but they never meant help was coming.

The deaders down the street were the slow-moving kind, not zoomers, but if Mom wouldn’t get up and move, that wouldn’t make a difference. He could smell their rot on the slight breeze, could hear their groans and grunts. “Mom!”

A black van – full-size, cargo van, not a minivan like the kind Mom used to drive – came down the alley between Norris and his mom’s hiding place, and the deaders. The passenger side window in the front seat rolled down, and Norris saw a black-gloved hand throw something round toward the deaders. Three seconds later there was an explosion. Most of the group of deaders were ripped into pieces. The remaining ones kept shuffling toward the van. Another two grenades later, and they were all gone.

The van backed into an alcove with small dumpsters. The side door slid open and out jumped two… people? Norris wasn’t sure. They had bizarre masks that looked like a cross between a gas mask and a bird’s face, white with goggles and extremely long beak-like protrusions that covered their nose and mouth. They wore broad-brimmed black hats, and black trenchcoats that covered their bodies, and black gloves, and both of them carried long poles with pincers at the end.

“Looks like we’ve got a live one over here,” one of them said to the other in a distorted voice that sounded almost like a staticky radio.

“Yeah.” They approached Norris. “Move aside, kid.”

Norris tried to grab the shotgun, but before he could get it into position, one of the two weird people swung the pole at him, grabbed the shotgun with the pincers, and tossed it down the street.

“What are you doing?” Norris yelled. “Get away from my mom!” The other one had used their pole to grab Mom by the upper arm.

“She’s not your mom anymore, kid. She’s a zombie. She just hasn’t turned all the way yet.”

The one who’d thrown his gun swung their pole back around to take Mom’s other arm, and the two of them together pulled Mom to her feet. Her head lolled, her brown skin sheened with sweat and grayish.

Norris knew that no one who looked like that ever got better, but he charged at one of the two weird people anyway. “Let my mom go!”

“Kid. She’s dead. There’s nothing you can do for her.”

“No! She can get better! We cauterized the wound! She’s just in shock because we had to burn it, that’s all! She’ll be fine!”

The other one, the one who hadn’t spoken to him, said gently, “We’re doctors, young man. We’re going to study your mom to try to find a way to help her, and all the zombies. We can keep her alive, without turning, but we have to get her to our facility now.”

“Then take me with you!” Norris shouted. “Mom and I, we’re the only things we each have in the world. Mom would never want to be separated from me.”

“Can’t do, kid,” the first one said. “No outsiders at the facility, only patients and doctors.”

“Look, you want your mom to get treatment, right? We’ll take care of her, but if you keep getting in the way, she’ll turn, and then there’ll be no saving her.”

“Norris…” Mom mumbled. “Go…”

“Is that your name? Norris?” the kinder one said.

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, Norris, we don’t have anyone at our facilities who can take care of children, or anywhere for a kid to go, so I’m afraid you can’t come with us. I’m sure that if we’re able to cure your mom, she’ll come back and find you, but you’ve got to be a big boy and take care of yourself. I can see that you’re very capable.”

Fuck that patronizing crap. Norris glared at the weird doctors, knowing he couldn’t do anything to stop them from taking his mom – short of running over and getting the shotgun and shooting them, and if they really were doctors who could cure the zombie plague, and save Mom, that was the last thing he’d want to do. But fuck them.

He stood out of their way, letting them drag Mom to their van with the poles around her arms. It looked cruel and demeaning, like the way you’d treat a wild animal, but he had to admit, deaders were dangerous enough that you’d have to treat someone who was turning like that if you didn’t know them well enough to know how strong they were. Mom wouldn’t bite anyone. Mom was tough. She could keep herself under control.

The fact that no other deaders could and that Mom herself had warned Norris that anyone who turned would definitely be a threat and there were no exceptions was another thing Norris knew but was deliberately pretending he didn’t.

He waited until the doctors got Mom up toward the van, and they were pulling her in. Then he bolted toward them, and jumped over Mom, squeezing past the one who was up in the van already.

“Shit!” the one he’d squeezed past yelled, but it was too late. He was in.

Inside it was like an ambulance, except that the bed was absolutely covered with straps, including ones that were obviously positioned to hold down a person’s wrists, ankles and neck, not just the kind that kept a person from falling out of the ambulance bed. Norris clambered over the bed and sat down on the bench seat on the other side. It seemed to be designed to fold up so that the door it was attached to could slide open, but it couldn’t fold up if he was sitting in it, now could it?

“Norris!” the second one, the one who was kinder but also really patronizing, shouted. “You can’t be in here!”

“Like hell I can’t,” Norris said.

If language like that from a 10-year-old shocked them, he couldn’t tell through their masks.

“I’ve already said—”

“Yeah, you said that I’m a stupid kid who’d be a big burden at your secret hospital or whatever, but I can help. My mom was a real doctor once—” not like you weirdos, he thought, but decided it was impolitic to say so—“and she taught me some stuff. I can maybe help bring you instruments. Or clean stuff! I can keep things really clean! My mom taught me all about keeping a sterile environment—”

“There is absolutely no place for you at our base—”

“She’s my goddamn Mom!” Norris shouted, terrifyingly aware of how close he was to tears. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Only babies cry. They won’t take you seriously if you cry. “First off she’s the only person I have left in the whole world and I’m the only person she has, and if you cure her but you lose me she will be major league pissed at you, and second off, you know you’re leaving me to die if you leave me here, right? You think I’m big and strong enough to fight off deaders? I don’t know anyone in this city who’ll help me out. If you’re doctors and you wanna help people, why you wanna get a kid killed?”

“He has a point,” the second doctor said.

“No, he – what the hell, Sarah? We can’t take him with us!”

They hadn’t stopped pulling Mom in and getting her strapped down to the bed. Mom moaned again. “Norris…”

“Yeah, mom, I’m here.”

She looked up at the doctors. “Heard… you think… cure?”

“Maybe,” the guy in the front passenger seat, who had turned around to watch the whole thing, said. He was wearing the same weird costume as the others. (Or she. None of their voices sounded like normal human voices, all like scratchy distorted robots, and with the masks and cloaks it wasn’t possible to tell what gender they were, but if one of them was named Sarah then probably some were girls.) “Purely experimental stages. We can put you under and retard the spread of the infection, but we can’t guarantee that we can reverse it or undo any brain damage it causes.”

“So the sooner we can get you under, the better your odds are, doctor,” the first one, the one who kept calling Norris “kid”, said. They were calling her “doctor.” Good. Doctors respected other doctors. They wouldn’t just treat her like a piece of meat turning into a deader. “Your kid needs to stop interfering.”

“Just… take him. He’s… too stubborn… own… goo….” Mom trailed off, staring at nothing.

“She’s going further into shock. We need to get her under now,” the first one said.

The second one – Sarah – said, “Ignore the kid. If he wants to ride along with his mother, let him. It’s not going to hurt anything.”

“Secrecy—”

“He’s a kid. He can’t even see out the windows from that position. He hasn’t got a GPS in his head to figure out where the base is even if he rides with us the whole way.”

“What if she turns and bites him?”

“Then we’ll have a fresh specimen of a healthy child who’s just been infected, without any ethical issues,” Sarah snapped. “And infected mothers who turn will generally go for any available prey who isn’t their child first before going after their kids.”

“Only in 63% of observed cases.”

As they argued, they finished strapping Mom down. She was lying on a metal pan that was about six feet long and wide enough for the average person, and most of the straps fastened her to the pan, while other straps held the pan down on the bed. They put a tube in her mouth where the back part was plastic, flexible and narrow, and the front part was wide and made of metal, and then strapping it to the back of her head so she couldn’t shake it loose. Sarah removed the lid of a small brown medication bottle and poured the entire contents into the tube.

“What’s that do?” Norris asked.

“Kid, quit pushing your luck,” the gruff one said.

“It’s a sedative,” Sarah answered.

“How come you’re giving it to her by mouth and not as a shot?”

“Because deaders have really, really bad circulation if they have it at all, but their digestive system works and things introduced by mouth spread faster to the rest of the body than if introduced intravenously or through injection into the muscle, and Raoul is correct that you need to keep quiet or our colleagues in the front may just decide to stop the van and throw you out.”

After that Norris was quiet.

Mom’s eyes closed and her head lolled, though not very far since it was strapped in place. The doctors wrapped her in something bandage-like, as if she was a mummy, freeing each limb one at a time so they could wrap it and then strapping it down again, and then sprayed some sort of aerosol onto the bandages, the same way. Finally they slid a tub of icy liquid out from under the bed, unstrapped the pan Mom was laying on, and laid the pan down in the icy water. The tube in Mom’s mouth was covered with a plastic lid with a hose attached to the top, and they hooked the hose to a loud machine.

Norris wanted so badly to ask what they were doing, but they’d warned him and he knew that only one of the weird doctors was willing to let him stay; if he bothered them, they’d overrule her and throw him out. He’d ask when they got to their base. He was sure they’d try to kick him out again before they went into it, but he wasn’t going to let them. As long as they had his mom, he was sticking to them like glue.

***

Doctor Sarah was right; from the bench in the back, Norris couldn’t see out the windows. Also, he’d lived his entire life in the city, so it wasn’t exactly like he was going to be able to tell where they were going, anyway. There was a sunroof on the van, and he could see through that, but the only thing to see there was sky. He could tell from the sun that they were going east-ish and then kind of north.

He focused on his mom instead. They’d put her in a tub of ice water with a tube in her mouth, and then they’d put a lid on the tub, where there was a hole for the hose attached to the tube. The loud noise was probably an air thing, then. Things that pumped air, like the compressor at the shop Dad used to work at, or the pump for the air mattress for when Norris had had guests for a sleepover, made loud noises. So they were pumping air into her. That was good. Deaders still breathed, but they didn’t need to; the thing they were infected with could break down their bodies to get energy, so you couldn’t drown or suffocate a deader. They’d just move more slowly if they didn’t have air.

If the doctors were putting air in Mom’s lungs, then she hadn’t turned yet.

There were four doctors. At least, Norris had to assume that anyone wearing that weird costume was a doctor. Three of them were dressed in black; the driver’s costume was brown. Doctor Raoul and Doctor Sarah had white beaks, the guy in the passenger seat had a black one, and the driver’s beak was also brown. Norris could tell that the guy in brown was wearing leather, so he guessed that maybe the black outfits were also leather.

“So… you guys really like leather, huh?” he said.

Raoul snorted. “I’m not touching that one with this pole,” he said.

“Maybe if we had one that was ten feet?” Sarah said, tilting her head slightly in a way that made Norris think she was telling a joke. He laughed a little.

“How old are you, Norris?” she asked.

“I’m ten. I was gonna be eleven in September. I mean, I guess I still am, if I live that long.” That was a depressing thought. “What’s up with the bird masks?”

“What do they teach them in school?” Raoul groused.

The guy in the passenger seat turned around and said, “Oh, as if you knew about plague doctors when you were ten.”

“Do you know anything about what causes deaders?” Doctor Sarah asked.

“Um… yeah. If they bite you. Then you get infected by the stuff inside them, and you turn into one of them.”

“That’s right, of course, but it’s not the only way.” She leaned forward slightly. “Have you learned about fungi in school yet?”

“Um, like mushrooms?”

“Sarah, what the fuck. He’s ten. And we’re not keeping him around, so why are you bothering?” Raoul asked.

“Why not?” She turned back to Norris. “Yes, like mushrooms, and yeast. The substance inside the deaders that makes them what they are is a fungus. And it essentially takes over their entire bodies, over time; it infiltrates the brain first, and the mouth. They don’t actually need to eat people, but they have a compulsion to bite.”

“Why do they want to bite people if they don’t need to eat them?”

“The short answer is, because the fungus wants to spread. If the deaders bite people, it can infect those people with the fungus. But here’s the thing. Fungus normally spreads by producing spores… and you can breathe spores in. So far we haven’t seen any cases of a zombie who was infected by breathing spores, but the model says it’s likely to happen, eventually.”

Norris’s eyes went wide. “Shit. You saying we could just breathe and get turned into a deader?”

She nodded. “It’d probably happen slower, because it’s not direct to the bloodstream, but it’ll happen.”

“Shit.”

“Our masks are designed to protect us against that. Also against the other diseases deaders carry; they have no immune system, effectively, so they generally carry practically ever human disease possible.”

“But why do your masks look like birds?”

Sarah laughed. “Because it looks cool, mostly. We needed a shape we could put a filter in, that would protect our faces from being bitten by deaders. We needed it to be able to accommodate goggles without fogging up. We needed to be able to make it ourselves, since manufacturing is more or less dead in this country. And none of us are expert leatherworkers or tailors, since, you know, we’re doctors. We needed something with a pattern we could get off the Internet, and maybe a video of how to do it. Turns out this shape – the plague doctor mask – is more popular than any other shape that meets our other criteria.”

“Do you even know what a plague doctor was?” Raoul asked snippily.

“Um… you are?”

Sarah laughed again. “We are now,” she said.

“In the Middle Ages, 30% of the entire population of Europe died of the Black Plague. The doctors who treated the plague dressed like this. They thought the plague was transmitted by bad smells, so they made masks like this so they could fill them with herbs to block the smell of sick bodies.” Raoul sounded less like a teacher and more like someone who thought you should already know this and that you were stupid because you didn’t. He was almost angry-sounding.

Norris wanted to say something defensive, but he knew that if he got mad at Doctor Raoul, and showed it, they would probably kick him out of the van.

“Give the kid some slack,” the guy in the front passenger seat said. “If he’s ten… I doubt I knew about the Black Death, let alone plague doctors, by the time I was ten.”

“Yeah, well, the school system’s always been shit,” Raoul said.

“So deaders can’t bite through leather?” Norris asked.

Doctor Sarah nodded. “They can, if they’re given enough time to chew on it, but their teeth aren’t any different from normal human teeth; it’s their bite strength that’s greater, since they don’t feel pain and they’re diverting a lot of physical resources to their bite. But human teeth are not ideal for piercing thick leather; we’re more likely to end up with their bite breaking our bones than them getting through the leather and infecting us.” She gestured at herself. “This outfit is really, really annoying right now in the summer, but we can make new ones, we can repair these, and we can disinfect them pretty easily.”

The one in the driver’s seat, who hadn’t spoken yet, picked up something like a microphone and put it near his mouth. “Van 11 to gatehouse. Receiving? Over.” He sounded kind of old, though it was hard to tell with the staticky voice.

A radio crackled. “Gatehouse receiving, Van 11. Situation? Over.”

“Coming in hot, gatehouse, we have fresh goods on ice. Over.”

“Fresh goods on ice, acknowledged. Any medical needs? Over.”

“Maybe crayons and a coloring book. Over.” He laughed.

“Uh, Van 11, not sure we received that. Did you say crayons and a coloring book? Over.”

“Blake got—”

The other doctor in the front seat interrupted him. “We picked up a kid with the fresh goods. Seems healthy.”

“What, really?” the radio asked. “Uh, over.”

“Oh for gods’ sake,” Doctor Sarah said, unstrapping her seat belt and making her way to the front. “This is Doctor Blake. The fresh goods is a mother; her ten year old son refused to let us leave with his mother without him. And no, he doesn’t need crayons and a coloring book. Over.” The snippiness in her voice on the last word actually came through despite the weird distortion effect they all had going on, and reminded him of Ms. Watkins, his teacher from third grade.

“Gatehouse to Van 11, and we mean this with great respect, but what the fuck? Over.”

“I’ll take responsibility for him,” Doctor Sarah said. “Over.”

At that point, the van turned. Norris looked out the windshield, and saw a metal gate like the kind on a storage unit, opening slowly. Next to it there was a stone house with a walkway going through it, next to the road. The van stopped. “Stopping for checkpoint,” the driver said. “Over.”

“Norris, get away from the doors,” Doctor Sarah said.

Three more plague doctors – two with long poles, like the ones Sarah and Raoul had used, and one with a gun – came out of the gatehouse. The driver and the passenger rolled down their windows and handed cards that they pulled out of the inside of their trenchcoats to one of the plague doctors outside. The other two disappeared to the side, and then the doors to the back of the van opened. Sarah and Raoul were pulling out their cards as the doors were opening, and they handed them to the plague doctor with the pole, while the one with the gun stood to the back.

“How come he’s got a gun?” Norris whispered.

Sarah spoke at normal volume; maybe the thing that was messing up her voice didn’t let her whisper. “If we had a loose deader in here or an adult who wasn’t a plague doctor who might be holding us hostage.”

“Is that the kid?” the plague doctor who’d checked the ID cards asked.

“This is Norris,” Sarah said. “His mom is the fresh goods we picked up. He’ll be staying with us for a while until we can find somewhere safe to place him.”

“Why do you keep calling my mom fresh goods?” Norris asked, trying not to sound as angry about it as he was.

“It’s code for a person who’s about to turn deader,” Sarah said.

“Blake, we’ve got nowhere to keep a kid,” the one checking the IDs said.

“Bullshit, we’ve got a ton of rooms and more than enough food.”

“Ok, but we don’t have anyone free to babysit him.”

“That’s the thing. A kid clever enough to slip past us and get into the van while we were moving his mom probably doesn’t need a babysitter. And he had a good point; if we left him behind, the deaders would likely get him. So he’s staying with us until I figure out where he can go.”

The one checking the IDs shrugged. “Your call.”

They closed up the van and drove slowly through the gate. There was a winding path up a hill, with forest on either side. Norris still couldn’t see out the side windows, but when he went up to the front to peer through the grate that protected the driver and passenger from whatever was going on in the back, neither Sarah nor Raoul stopped him, so he was able to watch through the windshield. They drove up a hill, around a bend, over a speedbump. There was a building on the left and a parking lot. The van went past that, around another bend, and then came an orange brick building. It looked like it had four or five floors. The windows on the upper floors were small and narrow. Some of the ones on the first floor were much wider, but covered with bars. There were weird brick bays all around the front of the first floor, some of which had barred windows inside.

“Is this a school?” Norris asked.

“A hospital, actually,” Sarah said.

Norris was used to hospitals having huge glass doors and windows everywhere. “It doesn’t look like a hospital,” he said.

“Great, so the kid’s going to critique our choice of bases,” Raoul groused.

“It used to be a hospital for the mentally ill. We picked it because it was built with security in mind, which, as I’m guessing you’ve noticed, most hospitals are not.”

They drove around the building and pulled in at the back. Two other plague doctors came out and headed to the back of the van, where Sarah and Raoul manhandled the tub with Mom in it out from under the bed. The two additional plague doctors took two handles near the front, Sarah and Raoul took two near the back, and they all marched forward toward the doors to the building. Norris followed them. No one stopped him.

Inside, the building was a warren. Norris had no idea how many corridors they went down or how many times they turned down a different one. Eventually they reached a large and very cold room full of what looked like large chest freezers.

“Are you going to freeze her?” Norris asked, panicked.

“No, that would destroy her cells. We keep them at about 2 Celsius to reduce all life processes to almost nothing, but lower than that and we risk ice crystals forming and tearing her cells apart.”

“Is that going to hurt her?”

Sarah shook her head. “Firstly, we sedated her when we took her, and secondly, zombies don’t feel pain. She was still barely conscious when we picked her up, but by the time we got her into the tank, her consciousness had shut down.”

The doctors opened the tub and used their poles with grabbing claws at the end to lift the metal pan that she was strapped to out. She didn’t struggle or thrash; her skin, normally a deep warm brown, had turned ashen, almost greyish, and she lay limp on the pan. One of them stepped on a lever, and the freezer-like thing opened, revealing that it, too, was full of water.

“Won’t she get waterlogged?”

“No, it’s saline solution. Did your mom ever teach you about osmosis?”

“Yeah.” Norris nodded, as Sarah and the other three lowered Mom into the tank, still with the tube in her mouth. “It’s when water gets out of your cells and goes to where there’s more salt, right? So if you spend too long in the bathtub, your fingers get waterlogged because there’s more salt inside you than in the tub, and if you go to the beach and you’re in the water too long your skin gets all dry, right?”

“Right. So if we match the salinity—the amount of salt in the water—then the water doesn’t leave her cells or enter them.”

“Blake, could you maybe quit being a fifth grade science teacher and help us here?” one of the two plague doctors who’d met them at the door said.

“She’s been doing that since we picked up the kid,” Raoul groused.

“Raoul. He is ten and his mother is in that tank we are closing,” Sarah said. “I took this job to help people, not to be an asshole to kids.”

“You took this job to try to save people from zombies, not to be a kid’s nanny.”

“I am rolling my eyes so hard at both of you,” the fourth, who hadn’t spoken yet, said. “The fresh goods is on ice. Delgado’s coming down to take samples. Let’s get out of here. Unless you really love wearing all the gear.”

“Fuck no,” Raoul said. “I want about six showers.”

“Norris, you come with me,” Sarah said.

Norris looked around the room. “Are all those freezer tanks full of deaders?”

“Not all of them, yet. We’ve got capacity for several more in here.” Sarah walked out the door, making Norris scramble to follow her. “We’ve also got a couple of other freezer rooms, but those deaders are a lot farther along. Several of them are actually dead.”

“I thought deaders were all dead?”

The corridors continued to be a maze as they went deeper into the building… or maybe they were going back out, Norris had no idea. “Oh, no. Most are still alive, but as the infection spreads within them, we can’t think of them anymore as the same organism; too much of their human body has been replaced. Eventually as the heart and brain are completely overwhelmed, we can safely say the person is actually dead – if we could kill the infection at that point, the victim would also die, because the infection has taken over too many of their bodily functions for their body to continue without it.”

They took an elevator up. As soon as they got out on the next floor, Sarah took off her hat, and then her beak mask. Norris’ eyes went wide with surprise. “I didn’t know you were black too!”

She grinned at him. Now that he could see her face, she was a middle-aged black woman with skin darker than his or Mom’s. Her hair was buzzed very short, a soft carpet of fuzz on her head. It made him think of a gym teacher. The lines on her face could have made her look stern, but her smile was broad and friendly, full of healthy teeth. “You really can’t tell with the mask and the voice distorter, can you?” It wasn’t a question. “I was a little bit leery of the decision to wear these things, but they give us an authority and an intimidation factor you just can’t get if folks can see your face.”

“I couldn’t even tell you were a girl until your friend called you Sarah,” Norris admitted.

“That’s part of what it’s for,” she said. “I can’t afford to have idiots questioning my authority when I’m trying to save them from zombies.”

“Where are we going?”

“Oh. I thought I said. We’re going to the cafeteria. I’m starving and I can tell you haven’t been eating particularly well.”

“That sounds great!” He remembered school cafeteria food, back when he went to school. It hadn’t been great, but it had been a lot better than what he got now.

***

In fact, the cafeteria food was substantially better than what he used to get at school. There were mashed potatoes, breaded chicken strips, burgers, fries, soups, baked sweet potatoes, steamed broccoli, some kind of bean or pea in a pod, and something that looked like beef and broccoli. And also a salad bar. No soda and only one dessert, some kind of spongy apple cake, though. They had iced water, iced tea, hot tea, coffee, grape juice, orange juice, and milk. “How come you guys still get good food? I thought all the grocery stores had to close?”

“There’s local farms out in the county.” Sarah loaded her plate up with salad. “They don’t dare ship food into the city, but they know who we are and what we do, and they trade with us in exchange for medicines.”

“Medicines to cure being a zombie?” Norris asked excitedly, loading his plate with comfort foods. It’d been so long since he’d had anything that wasn’t in a can. The mashed potatoes were a little bit lumpy, meaning they were fresh, not from powder.

Sarah smiled wryly. “No, we don’t have that yet. Medicines for their blood pressure, and diabetes, and high cholesterol, and depression. Things like that. We’ll also do checkups. Most of us are scientists more than we are doctors, but we all had to get medical degrees to do the kind of science we do.”

Norris took one dish with two chicken strips out from under the heater, and then glanced at Sarah. Two chicken strips really didn’t seem enough. “Is it okay to take two chicken strip dishes?”

“It’s okay today,” Sarah said. “But only if you also take a salad and eat it.”

“I took the broccoli,” Norris objected. “I got a vegetable.”

“Get salad too. You can put whatever you want on it.”

So Norris got salad, with croutons and cheese and little pieces of hard-boiled egg and sunflower seeds. “Mom and I wanted to get out there,” he said wistfully as he loaded his plate. “We heard there’s no deaders out in the countryside. Like, you gotta leave the county and head up north or cross the bridge and go to the Eastern Shore or something.”

“Oh, there are deaders everywhere.” Sarah poured dressing on her salad. “Places of high population density are a lot worse, of course, but there’s deaders living in the woods. They hide and grab prey that go too near. Some small towns got completely taken over; they’re ghost towns now, since deaders have to stay on the move to get more prey. Farm country’s mostly fairly safe; they’ve all got guns and flat open land and they can see a deader a mile away. But you and your mom wouldn’t have been safe up there. They shoot outsiders; they just don’t wait for them to get close enough to tell that they’re deaders. We get close because they see the masks and the hats, so they know what we are.”

They sat down at a table and dug in. The chicken strips were actually amazing. They were made of real breast meat and they were juicy and tasted like chicken, not like processed chicken-flavored cardboard. The milk was really great, too. Mom hadn’t been able to drink milk without getting sick, but Dad had been able to drink gallons of the stuff, and so far Norris hadn’t lost his milk-drinking ability yet like most of his classmates had even before school had closed forever. “This milk tastes really good.”

“It’s probably a lot fresher than you’re used to.” She speared an olive and a piece of nondescript pale meat. “Enjoying the chicken strips?”

“Yeah!”

“We have a lot less fresh meat here than you were probably used to before all this happened, so the next time you get chicken strips, I want you to put a lot fewer on your plate. There’s canned chicken in the salad, and you can get protein from eggs and mushrooms and soybeans.”

He made a face. “You telling me all I get to eat around here is salad?”

“You can have as much potato as you want,” Sarah said with a smile. “And yes, you can have meat, but it’s rationed. I let you have my ration today because you’re much too skinny. In the future, you can take two of those strips. Or you can have a burger. They’re pretty substantial but the meat’s mixed with some soy and mushrooms to make it go farther.”

Norris sighed. “I guess.” It was better than the canned condensed soups he’d been eating. Mom and he had saved rainwater in discarded water bottles to drink and put in their soups. They’d had to scavenge the soups from empty grocery stores.

“A lot of the salad stuff, we actually grow here on the campus. Some of us managed to rescue our families and bring them here, and they don’t work as doctors – they do support work, like growing tomatoes, peppers, soybeans and salad greens.” She took another bite of salad and wiped the glob of dressing off her lips with her napkin. “Does that sound like something you’d like to do?”

“Uh, no.”

“I could place you with one of the families here as your foster family and you could help out. Grow food, fix things…”

“Nuh-uh. I want to help you guys.” Norris stopped inhaling his mashed potatoes for a moment and looked up at Sarah. “I grew up in the city. All I know about gardening is my mom killing houseplants. And the one year my dad tried to have a potted tomato on the front porch, and some jerks stole it. But I know a lot about science and stuff! I could help you!”

Gently but with just a touch of exasperation in her voice, Sarah said, “Norris, you’re ten. You’ve had at best a fifth grade education and given what happened to the world and when the schools shut down, more likely fourth.”

“That’s not true! My mom homeschooled me while we were trying to survive and running from deaders. I told you guys she was a doctor, right? She was a pediatrician, and she taught me a lot about medicine and science. I can name all the bones in the human body!”

“So can I,” Sarah said dryly. “Let’s imagine you’re a genius and your mother was an amazing teacher; you still aren’t at the level of people who went to medical school for years, or graduate school and medical school like many of us. There’s really nothing you can do to help with the research.”

“I could help you rescue people, though,” Norris said desperately.

“That’s really not a good idea.”

“Come on! You’re like, I dunno, knights from the Middle Ages and you want me to go be a peasant.”

Her eyes narrowed. “We’re not knights, Norris. We’re plague doctors. We poke the afflicted with our sticks, and drag them off, and sometimes we deliver a mercy blow. We aren’t here to rescue anyone. When we saw with our drone that your mother was turning, that’s why we went in to get her; if she’d just broken her leg we would have left the two of you to die, because we’re trying to rescue the entire human race, not use up our resources saving one or two people here or there.”

Norris deflated slightly. “Okay. But I still want to help! I can shoot a gun, I can bandage people—”

She sighed. “Norris—”

“Could I at least learn how to make your masks and costumes and stuff? That’s just leatherworking, right? I bet it would make your lives easier if you didn’t have to do that yourselves!”

“Well, nowadays we don’t. The person who makes the costumes is married to a doctor.”

“Okay, but if there’s only one person, I could help them.”

“Fine. I’ll take you to the quartermaster and she can decide if she wants to take on an apprentice.”

***

The quartermaster was also wearing all leather, but her hands and her head were free. She was a heavy white woman with brown hair. “Sarah Blake! I’ve been hearing all about you picking up a little stray, there.”

“This is Norris,” Sarah said. “Norris, this is Jessie. She makes our armor and our masks.”

“Hi,” Norris said.

“Well, hello! Have you brought him to be fitted for armor?”

“We might as well,” Sarah said. “I don’t think I told you this, Norris, but within the compound, it’s a rule that we always have to be wearing our leather armor, and we have to have masks and gloves at the ready.”

Jessie nodded. “You ought to see mine. I went with a harlequin theme, since I’m not a doctor.” She picked up a mask off the table she’d been sitting at. It was a creepy smiling face, all white except for two red spots on the cheeks. “Nice, huh?”

“Kinda… a little creepy, honestly,” Norris said.

Jessie laughed. “Of course it is! Turns out, deaders have very little ability to react to actual threats, like guns or spears. But they can react to things that hit us in more primitive parts of our brain. The plague doctor masks scare them. So does the harlequin. Only the fresher ones are capable of feeling fear at all, so it’s not like I can drive all the deaders off with a mask, but they’ll back off for a bit.”

“Why do we have to wear that stuff inside?”

“Well, what would happen if a deader got loose?” Jessie asked, but it was one of those questions grownups asked to see if you knew.

“I guess… you wanna have the armor on so you can stop a deader and it can’t bite you?”

“Bingo!” She stood up. “Let’s take your measurements.”

“Jessie, Norris has asked if he can apprentice with you to help you with the leatherworking. Could you use a kid to help out?”

“I learn real fast,” Norris put in. “My mom taught me a lot of stuff. I know how to sew to fix clothes, if that’s anything like this.”

“It’s… not unlike it,” Jessie said in a considerating tone. “Yeah, ok. I heard from Vin the situation with his mom and all, so if he wants to learn how to help me, I’m cool with that. We’ll see if it works out.”

“Can you get him set up with a room?”

“Sure. I’ll put him in the kids’ ward, all the beds are too small so the only people living up there are short women and we’ve got plenty of space. You cool with that, Norris?”

“I guess.”

He didn’t really want to be left behind; Sarah had been kind and understanding and he didn’t know how this woman was going to treat him. But he didn’t think he was going to be given a choice.

***

As it turned out, Jessie was actually quite nice. She showed him all of her tools, and explained what they did. She took his measurements and began the process of making him leather armor, explaining what she was doing as she did it. She had him practice punching holes with an awl. “You be careful with that. The guy who invented Braille? He went blind in the first place because he poked himself in the eye with an awl, and it got infected, and the infection got into the other eye too.”

“I read a book about that,” Norris said, nodding.

When she was done for the day, she took him to the cafeteria for dinner. There was spaghetti with tomato sauce, which advertised itself as vegan and spicy, and a stir-fry with what looked like chicken, both of which had peppers and mushrooms and onions in them, and there was a baked fish dish covered with cheese. No rice. He would have expected rice with a stir-fry. Instead there were mashed potatoes again, that you could have with the stir-fry or the baked fish. There was salad, but he wasn’t required to take any, so he didn’t. There were a lot of vegetables in the spaghetti sauce, in his opinion. Dessert was carrot cake.

Jessie told him about the foods that could be obtained locally and the ones that couldn’t. “You’re not getting chocolate or vanilla anytime soon,” she said. “They didn’t think to add it to the stockpiles, and they only grow in tropical regions. Same with coffee, but they did stockpile that. Once we run out, though, there won’t be anything but tea. And it’s not very easy to grow tea in this climate.”

Norris made a face. “I don’t really like either one.”

“Well, hopefully the world will be back to normal by the time you’re an adult and need the caffeine to stay awake,” she said. “We don’t have sugar; that does grow in the United States, but not around here, and the longer the distance we have to go, the more dangerous it is for the farmers to ship their products. There’s a lot of corn, so we use corn syrup, and there’s no shortage of bees, so we use honey.”

“Do you really think the world will ever be back to normal?”

“Oh, yeah!” Jessie grinned broadly. “They’re working on a cure. You know it’s a fungus, right?”

“Yeah, like a mushroom?”

“More like a yeast – uh. You wouldn’t know about that. More like athlete’s foot, but it gets inside your brain, and your body, and eventually it takes you over completely. Well, there’s some reason why it’s really hard to make a vaccine against a fungus, I don’t know why. I’m not a doctor. But you can make a fungicide. Problem is that most fungicides we have can’t go inside the body, and they haven’t yet found something that can kill the fungus without killing the person, and you can’t cure it by just grabbing deader after deader and filling them up with fungicide; you might as well just shoot them if the fungicide kills them. But eventually they’ll have a cure that works, and if you can treat people right after they get bit with the fungicide, they won’t turn deader.” She leaned forward. “That’s the whole thing, you know? That’s why we’re doing this.”

“I want to help out,” Norris said.

“Yup. So that’s why you’re going to help me with the costumes!”

***

Norris’s bedroom was in an area where only two other people had bedrooms; each room had its own private bathroom, and there was a refrigerator and a microwave in a common area, where you could store food from the cafeteria and then heat it up. It was more freedom than Norris had ever had, and more loneliness. He had no parents here, and Jessie and Sarah weren’t staying up here with him. The two women who lived up here were doctors and didn’t interact with him much. He could stay up as late as he wanted; there were books here he could read, in the common room. But there was no one to spend time with.

He managed to distract himself from the loneliness well enough, though, because there was a computer, and it was connected to the Internet.

Norris had thought the Internet was gone. Apparently not. Sarah told him that of the data centers run by the big companies that had existed before the zombies came, and at the universities and on the military basis, many of them were still up and running, because they’d been designed to be difficult to break into, and the people inside them had the Internet and could contact military people who also had Internet if the deaders boxed them in and they needed food. Power was still running for the same reason – most of the countryside didn’t have any, aside maybe from generators they ran off propane tanks that they were eventually going to run out of, but there was a nuclear reactor in their state, and some hydro, and the governor had had a whole lot of wind towers put up by the National Guard and energy contractors in a big hurry when this whole thing had started. So there was some power, and it was being routed to places where the people could defend themselves well enough to stay in one place and use the power… like here.

So Norris had a computer, and he had the Internet. There was no social media anymore. No one was posting new videos to Youtube, but all the old ones were still there. Wikipedia was up. Google was up. There was no Netflix, no Hulu, no Disney Prime, but there were a lot of how-to articles, and Google had removed restrictions on Google Books so all of the books were available online now, because it wasn’t like anyone could buy them.

At first, he went looking for the cartoons he used to watch, but he couldn’t really enjoy them anymore; after surviving on the streets during a zombie apocalypse, they felt unreal, unrelatable. He watched videos about leatherworking to try to learn more about what Jessie was teaching him, but it was easier to learn from Jessie, who was an expert he could ask questions of rather than a recording. So he decided he was going to learn medicine, and he was going to learn enough about it that Sarah and the others would let him join them.

There were some field medic videos that had gone up before most people had lost Internet access, when the zombies had first showed up. There were, however, not a lot of videos about actually being a doctor, because that was a thing doctors used to go to school for years about. Also, when he tried to read medical books that doctors learned from in medical school, he understood only about every third word. Obviously he needed to start earlier and simpler than that.

So he studied biology and chemistry and math. The things his mom had taught him had been more like the field medic stuff, probably not useful for finding out how to cure zombies. She’d homeschooled him while they’d been running from zombies; when he took an online test to find out how much math and science he knew, it said he was at a seventh grade level, which was great because Sarah had been right, the last time Norris had been in real school it had been the fourth grade. Mom and Dad had always taught him stuff about math and science and he’d always been ahead of his class in those subjects, but it was nice to see how much ahead he was.

Seventh grade, however, was not college, and apparently doctors had to go to college first and learn biology and chemistry there, after learning it in high school and maybe also middle school, and only then did they get to go to medical school to learn to be doctors. That was a ridiculous amount of stuff to learn, but Norris had the Internet and a lot of free time; Jessie had him work with her as her apprentice about five or six hours a day, the same amount as school had been, but then he didn’t have anyone to talk to. No online games to play, no friends to chat with. No parents. No homework to do. No chores. No zombies to run away from. So he had time.

He found web sites where they talked about the state curriculum and what he was supposed to learn in which grade. Social studies was dumb, he didn’t need to spend time learning that. Reading was important in that he needed to learn new words, but he didn’t need to learn how to analyze a text, whatever that meant. He needed to know how to learn science from books, so he needed reading for that, but he didn’t need to read books about the struggles of other black kids who didn’t happen to be living through a zombie apocalypse, which was pretty much entirely what the state curriculum suggested he ought to be reading for English class. Well, and some books about weird science fiction worlds where nobody could see color or animals took over farms or stuff like that, and some stuff about Asian kids and Native American kids. But none of it was important anymore because none of it helped with zombies.

His mom was in a cold tank downstairs. He checked in on her every so often. Raoul continued to be an asshole, Sarah continued to be nice, and the other doctors continued to mostly ignore him. They took samples from Mom sometimes but they weren’t going to pull her out to experiment with treatments until they had a thing they knew wouldn’t kill people… or mice. They killed a lot of mice, trying out treatments to see if maybe they wouldn’t kill mice, because if they didn’t kill mice then they could test them on monkeys (they did not actually have any monkeys; this was going to involve a long and dangerous trip to Atlanta that they told Norris he absolutely could not go on once they did it) and if the monkeys lived they could try humans.

His mom was in a cold tank downstairs, and all he wanted to do, all he wanted to do, was to do whatever it took to get her out and get her cured. If that meant do nothing with his free time but learn math and science from videos and books on the Internet, on the crappy old desktop in his room that was apparently put together from spare parts and would never have played a decent game but was good enough for what he needed it for, so be it.

***

Norris had been with the doctors for two months by the time he made his first full costume. Jessie had made him a suit of leather armor because you needed to have that here, and a mask – he’d gotten one that looked like Spider-Man but colored like Venom because it was black with white lines – but she’d had him working on making one of his own for himself.

His costume was lumpy and it pinched in some places and it was too loose in others, but he’d made it himself and it would protect him from being bitten by a deader. He went to the lab where the doctors he knew were working. “Hey, Sarah, check out my armor! I made it myself!”

Sarah looked up from her microscope and smiled. “Nice. You’re getting good at this.”

“So how are things going?” He leaned on the wall in an elaborate pose of being cool.

“Pretty good, actually,” she said. “We’re going out to collect some more specimens in a couple of days; we want some fresh deaders who we can do some brain scans on.”

“That sounds scary. The brain scans, I mean.”

“Not really. We fasten them down with plenty of rope. We can’t use metal because the MRI machine would just pull it off, but the nylon rope we use is practically unbreakable.”

“Can I help?”

Sarah sighed. “Norris, we’ve been over this.”

“I’ve been studying biology and chemistry online! There’s a computer someone left in my room! I could be like your nurse and help you out.”

“We have actual nurses,” Sarah pointed out. “Who are adults, and went to nursing school. What’s wrong with helping out with the leatherworking? Are you having problems with Jessie?”

“No, no! Jessie’s great. She’s fine. But you guys don’t get a lot of new recruits; she says my armor was the first all-new piece she’s made in months, and mostly she’s just repairing what you guys use. I wanna do something that’s more help.”

“I just don’t think—”

“I could wash your petri dishes, and organize your slides,” Norris said desperately. “I bet you’ve got a lot of dishwashing you need to do. I’m great at washing dishes.” He glanced at the lab sink. There were, in fact, a good number of petri dishes, flasks, and other glassware sitting next to the sink waiting to be washed.

“You are, huh?” Sarah lifted her eyebrows, but she was smiling. “Well, tell you what. Why don’t you wash up those dishes and show us what you can do, okay?”

So over the next few days, Norris washed dishes. He fed mice and cleaned their bedding, which was a euphemism for changing the shredded newspaper in their cages that was covered with pee and poop. He swept. He cleaned off counters with a bleach solution. And he talked to the doctors, asking them about what they used to do before the zombies, did they have families, what did they enjoy doing in their spare time. Sarah used to work as a researcher for the CDC, the Center for Disease Control, but the government had cut CDC funding in less than half, a year before the zombies, so she had moved back to Baltimore, where she’d grown up. Aaron Weiss, the older fellow who’d been driving the van when Norris had arrived, used to be a researcher at Johns Hopkins. He had a wife and two adult kids, who lived on the campus but not in the main building, and they raised goats and made soap, and grew tomatoes. Vinay Narayan had come to the United States when he was a baby, and his parents had saved all the money they made from the restaurant they ran to send him to medical school, but they’d been very disappointed when he decided to go into medical research rather than a practice, because medical research didn’t pay as well as being a practicing physician. Aileen Walsh had been a practicing doctor, but had joined the plague doctors because her husband had been bitten. Raoul Alvarez continued to be an asshole and wouldn’t tell Norris anything.

There were many more doctors than this group of five, but they all worked in their own labs. Dr. Weiss was sort of the leader of this lab, kind of, but they all had ideas and argued with each other and made suggestions. No one just listened to Dr. Weiss unless they thought he was right.

When he was done cleaning up, most days, Sarah and Aaron praised his work and Vinay praised his work ethic. Aileen was usually concentrating on something and probably didn’t even notice him. Raoul, of course, had nothing good to say, but Norris didn’t expect differently.

The night before the doctors were going out to collect specimens, Norris went to the cafeteria and got dinner. And then he went to the garage and concealed himself behind a van that was in a state of partial repair, with its axles up on concrete blocks instead of having wheels.

Norris tried to stay awake, figuring that if he was awake when they came in, it would make it a lot easier for him to sneak into whatever van they took. It was a lost cause, though. He worked too hard during the day to be able to stay up late anymore. At some point, his eyes closed and his head nodded.

***

Norris had always been a “gifted” child, singled out in school as one of the smart kids. It had enabled him to get away with shit that none of his friends could have. His parents trained him to clearly enunciate and speak standard English around white people and anyone in authority, and he got a reputation as the kid who would stand up and challenge the teacher for bullying students, using excessive punishments, or acting racist… and would win, a lot of the time. His dad was a college professor and his mom was a doctor, and they made sure that the school authorities knew them as Professor and Doctor Wilkins, not Mr. and Mrs. They were both active in the PTA, they bought from school fundraisers, they chaperoned and drove for school field trips, they donated a lot of school supplies. It got them considerable credit with the school, as did Norris’ high scores on standardized tests.

In truth, Norris had never been all that good at language arts – he’d learned to read early but he couldn’t care less about diagramming a sentence or figuring out analogies. His parents had drilled him on that stuff back when school was a thing, to make sure he could get high scores on the tests, because high scores on the tests, for a black kid, meant being treated by the school as valuable and therefore if the school gave him shit for standing up for his rights, the threat of pulling him out and putting him in private school was one the school had taken seriously. In math and science, his subjects of interest, he had been a genuine prodigy. Dad had taught him set theory at the kitchen table when he was 4, and the basics of algebra when he was 7. Mom had watched science documentaries with him since he was 5, about black holes and bacteria and animal behavior and the physics of bridge building.

When the zombies had come, they’d all gone on the run, all three of them. They’d moved into a nearby store that had the rolling metal covers to put over the windows, because the store owner had been attacked by zombies in the very early days and no one else had come to claim the place. It had been a convenience store, so there was food, but the food had eventually run out. Mom and Dad had gone out to scavenge more food and watch each other’s backs against zombies. They hadn’t been careful enough about humans. On one of their trips out, some white guy shot Dad and then claimed he thought he was a zombie. Mom didn’t say what had happened after that, but Norris strongly suspected she’d shot the guy.

After that, Mom and Norris would go out together. Norris already knew a little about how to shoot, because Dad used to take him to a range to teach him. Dad had been big on knowing how to use weapons to defend yourself and having legal guns. He’d drilled Mom and Norris in how to shoot, because it was the best way to take out deaders. They didn’t always die when you hit them in the head, but if you hit them with enough shots in the torso, you could destroy enough of their bodies that they’d fall down and be unable to walk, and if you could make leg shots you could cripple them even faster. Crippled zombies would still crawl or slither, so they weren’t helpless, but you could cover them with lighter fluid and set them on fire if they were crawling. He and Mom used to carry water guns full of lighter fluid, and matches.

On the concrete floor of the garage, he slept badly, waking up several times. Memories of Mom and Dad standing up for him, of the things they’d taught him, haunted him as he tried to sleep. Most nights he worked until he was exhausted, and then he collapsed into bed and let everything go black, and he slept so deeply that when the alarm went off in the morning he never remembered any dreams. He kept the grief at bay by keeping busy, like he’d kept the grief about Dad at bay by focusing on helping Mom to keep them both alive. But he was much too uncomfortable to sleep deeply right now, and he couldn’t stop memories from spooling through his head.

Several times during the night, tears pricked his eyes, and he sniffled, but he managed to keep from breaking into full-on sobs. Men didn’t cry, and if he had no mom and dad then he had to be a man, right? He had to be tough and strong if he wanted to survive… and if he wanted to help the doctors save Mom, despite their resistance.

All his life, Norris had gotten anything he was passionate about wanting. He hadn’t gotten every video game he’d ever wanted, he’d never gotten the puppy he’d asked for, but any time he’d wanted something really, really badly, and had shown he was willing to work hard for it, his mom and dad had moved heaven and earth to make it happen. Including going to teachers or the principal and demanding he be allowed to do that thing – like join the other three kids who were doing independent math study, when he was in fourth grade, because it wasn’t fair that he was excluded when he had the best grades in the class, and the fact that they’d been in a different teacher’s classroom than him last year and had been assigned then, and his new teacher hadn’t wanted to “rock the boat” by adding any more kids to independent study, should be irrelevant. His whole life had taught him that if you work hard, you do everything right and present yourself as well-dressed and clean and you talk mostly like a white kid with an advanced vocabulary rather than how you’d talk to your friends, you make yourself important and invaluable through your hard work, and then you make demands, you get what you want. He’d tried all that. Now it was time to be really, really pushy.

Despite being hungry – he hadn’t had breakfast – and exhausted because he’d slept so badly, he perked up as soon as one of the doctors came in and unlocked the van they were taking today. While they went around the side to check the tires and make sure there was gas and stuff like that, Norris climbed in through the back doors that had been left open, and hid under the specimen table, where normally they kept the box of ice water. When they came in with the box of ice water, he scooted out from under the table and made himself very small, between the specimen table and the barrier closing off the front seats from the back. Once the box was in, he crawled back under the table. If he lay very flat and he kept his head turned sideways, he could just barely fit between the lid of the box and the bottom of the table.

The doctors on today’s mission were Sarah, Raoul, Aaron driving, and Aileen in the front seat rather than Vinay, who’d been there on the mission where Norris came in. They weren’t looking for a stowaway, so they left the back wide open with no doctor anywhere around it, multiple times, as they got the stuff they wanted to load. It wasn’t hard for Norris to stay clear of them. He was wearing the leather armor Jessie had made for him, not the one he’d made himself, because it was better made and fit better, but his mask was balled up and stuffed in a pocket. That was lumpy and uncomfortable, but Norris was relying on his black leather and black hair and dark brown skin to make him nearly invisible under here. His mask was black but painted with reflective white stripes in the pattern of a Spider-Man mask; it was designed to make him easier to see in the dark, so he couldn’t wear it right now. Deaders went by smell more than sight; their sight usually started failing them as the fungus invaded more and more of their brain. The idea was to make him easier for humans to see, and right now, he didn’t want humans to see him.

The van started. He could feel the engine rumbling through the box of water he was lying on. The speed bump actively hurt, making him hit his head on the bottom of the bed he was lying under. He managed not to yell. They needed to be a lot farther away from their base before they found him. Norris drifted off, despite his discomfort, lulled by the rumbling of the engine and the fact that he’d had so little sleep the night before.

***

“Shit!”

Norris woke with a start and banged his head on the bottom of the bed again. There was a white beaked mask peering under the bed, staring at him.

“Goddamn it, Sarah, your little fanboy’s stowed away!” Norris couldn’t see the doctor’s face under the mask, and the voice modulator made it hard to tell his tone, but it wasn’t hard for Norris to tell it was Raoul, and he was pissed.

The van pulled to a stop. “Get out from under there,” Sarah snapped at Norris. Yeah, she was pissed too.

Norris scrambled out. “Why were you even looking under there?” he asked.

“Kid, this is no time to ask smart-ass questions,” Raoul said.

“What’s going on?” Aaron yelled from the front. “The kid’s in the van?”

“Not for very much longer,” Raoul said, pulling open the side door. The smell of deaders – earth and rot – wafted into the van.

Norris backed away from him. “Oh, that’s just great,” he said. “You’re mad I stowed away so you’re going to kill me?”

“What the fuck. No one’s going to kill you.” He couldn’t see Raoul’s eyes under the goggles of the plague doctor mask, but the way Raoul moved his head, dismissively, he was pretty sure Raoul was rolling his eyes. “But you’re getting out of the van. Now.”

“What did you think was going to happen here?” Sarah asked. “You thought we’d get to our destination and then you’d pop out and we’d be grateful for your help once there were actual deaders to deal with so we wouldn’t be angry that you’d disobeyed?”

“Kind of, yeah,” Norris said. “I figured you’d be angry, but I thought I could be helpful anyway.”

“Well, you can’t be. You’re in the way and I want you out of this van, now,” Raoul said.

“I thought you said you weren’t gonna kill me?” Norris looked Raoul straight in the goggles. “Because what do you think’s gonna happen if you throw me out of this van in a city full of deaders, without any gun or supplies or anything? You took my mom, who do you think’s gonna help me survive?”

“We didn’t take your mom, you little shit! She was turning! She would have bitten you if we hadn’t grabbed her when we did, because you’re the dumbass who kept acting like she was going to be just fine, like she had a bad cold or something and not that her brain was being taken over by a fungus!”

Fuck you, Norris thought, but didn’t say. Mom and Dad had taught him what swearing actually meant, when a kid did it, instead of just telling him those were bad words he should never use. Swearing was for when he needed to present as tough or adult, or when the situation was very serious and he needed to shock someone into listening to him. When he was trying to present as the child he was, or express that he needed help, or he was talking to authorities with direct power over him, he should never swear. He might not have exactly followed the rules when they’d first taken Mom, but they hadn’t had authority over him then, and now they did.

“Ok, fine. My mom was turning anyway. I’ve been trying as hard as I can to do anything I can to help you guys, because you’re the only hope my mom has. That’s why I came here, because I thought maybe I could help.”

“How is this helping? All you’re doing is getting in the way,” Sarah said.

Norris rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t my idea to stop the van and make a whole big thing of this,” he said. “That’s on you.”

In the front passenger seat, Aileen laughed. “He’s got you there.”

“The hell with this. Get out of the van!”

“No,” Norris said, again looking Raoul in the eye, or where his eyes presumably were, anyway. “If you want to kill me so bad, you’re gonna have to pick me up kicking and screaming and throw me out to the deaders yourself.”

“No one is going to leave you to the deaders—” Sarah started.

“Do you guys even have noses?” Belatedly Norris remembered that they actually didn’t; the beaks of their masks had filters in them to keep potential spores out, and a lot of the doctors put things like lavender sachets in the beak so they didn’t have to smell the deaders. “Look, I don’t have a bundle of herbs shoved up in front of my nose. I can smell the deaders. That’s how you stay alive when you live on the street and try to stay one step ahead of them; you gotta use all your senses, not just your eyes and ears.”

“We don’t need to use smell to find them,” Aileen said. “We have drones and cameras.”

“Yeah, but you aren’t using them right now, so I guess I’m the only one who’s noticed that there’s probably a whole lot of deaders moving in on this van and you should probably close the door and start driving!”

“He’s not actually wrong,” Aaron called. “Shut the door, folks, I’m going to get back on the road. We’ve got a mass of deaders coming in behind us.”

Raoul sighed. “Yeah, all right. Whatever the fuck.” He pulled the door shut. “But as soon as we get to someplace where it’s safe to ditch you, you’re out of here, kid.”

“Nowhere’s safe except for your base,” Norris said. “And I think it’s pretty rude to threaten to throw someone out just because they wanted to help. I haven’t slowed you down; you stopping the van to have a whole long thing about are you gonna throw me out or not is what slowed you down.”

“We can’t take the filters out of our masks,” Sarah said. “But you should be wearing your mask, Norris. It has a filter in it.”

“If the deaders are close enough that we can see them, then I could wear my mask because I wouldn’t need to smell them.” He patted the pocket his mask was stuffed in. “I brought it with me in case it comes in handy.”

The van suddenly lurched to a halt with an explosive sound. Norris, Raoul, and Sarah, all of whom were standing in the back, were thrown into the grate that separated the back from the front seats. Aaron yelled “Shit!”

“What just happened?” Aileen shouted.

“We blew a tire. More than one, I think. I need to get out and take a look.”

“You can’t get out and take a look if there are deaders in the area!” Sarah said, getting to her feet. “Raoul, Norris, you two okay?”

“Just peachy. I get thrown around the inside of a van all day long. For fun,” Raoul growled. “Fuck that hurts. I think I hit my head.” The hats the doctors wore, which were fastened to their masks with snaps and under their neck with straps, were of stiff enough leather to provide some cranial protection, but they weren’t nearly as good as a bicycle or football helmet.

“I’m okay,” Norris said. “Green bones!”

Sarah’s masked gaze fell on him for several seconds. “Oh, wait. You mean ‘greenstick’ bones, don’t you?”

“Yeah, that. Like my bones are flexible ‘cause they still have a lot of cartilage in them, because I’m not grown up yet?”

“Greenstick,” Sarah said.

“Deploying the drone,” Aileen said.

“That is a much better idea than Aaron going out to look,” Sarah said fervently.

The drone was mounted on the top of the van. Aileen had the controller out and the screen she was using to monitor its camera – it looked something like a Nintendo Switch. “Oh, wow, this is bad,” she said.

“What do you see?”

“Caltrops,” Aileen said. “More specifically, there’s strips of wood across the road that are black, and hard to see, but there are nails sticking out of them.”

“Damn. Who would do that?” Aaron said. “Don’t people have enough problems with the deaders that they’ve got to make problems for other people?”

“What if it was the deaders?” Sarah asked.

“Huh. We’ve seen deaders use rocks as tools, but not anything as sophisticated as caltrops,” Aaron said. “Shit. Are they getting smarter?”

“I think we have other things to worry about,” Raoul said. He was looking out the back window. “That’s a lot of deaders.”

“Grenades?” Sarah said, and then corrected herself as she peered out the window. “No, the range is too close. We can’t drive out of here.”

“We need to get out of the van with the guns while we can. If they get too close, they’ll mob us,” Aaron said.

“It’s a little late for that,” Aileen said, sighing. “I’ve got deaders moving in on the sides as well. Someone’s gonna have to go up on the roof.”

“Shit. I hate this,” Raoul said. “All right, goddammit it.”

He reached up and opened the sunroof, wobbling visibly. “Fuck, I hate this.”

“What are you doing?” Norris asked.

“I don’t have time to explain shit to you,” Raoul said. “I’ve got deaders to shoot.”

“He’s going up on the roof,” Sarah said. “It’s dangerous; if the recoil knocks him off the roof, he’ll fall in with the deaders.”

In the background, Norris could hear Aaron on the CB radio, calling for backup. “How quick is whoever Dr. Aaron’s calling going to get out here?” he asked Sarah.

“Probably not fast enough to keep deaders from finding a way in if we don’t shoot a bunch of them.”

Raoul had knelt on the floor to open the weapons trunk, which was bolted to the floor. He pulled out a rifle, but when he stood up he stumbled and nearly fell. “Shit,” he mumbled.

“What’s wrong?” Sarah asked.

“Just a little dizzy. I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not.” Sarah walked over to him. “You’re wobbling on your feet, after you hit your head. You cannot go up on the roof.” She sighed. “I’m going to have to do it.”

“Fuck no. I can manage.”

“If you get dizzy and fall down while you’re on top of the van, you will fall into a mob of deaders. That’s not acceptable. Aaron and Aileen can’t get onto the roof from where they are, so it’s got to be me.”

Norris didn’t think a middle-aged woman with bad knees was a much better choice than a man with a concussion. “Let me do it instead,” Norris said.

Raoul was plainly glaring at him, though Norris couldn’t actually see his eyes. “How the fuck is that going to help?”

“I know how to shoot,” Norris said. “My mom and dad made sure I knew how.”

“You couldn’t handle the recoil, kid.”

“I can if someone down here is holding one of my feet or something,” Norris said. “I’m short. My center of gravity’s lower. And I’m lighter than any of you guys, so you can hold onto me and keep me anchored.”

“You’re ten.”

“I actually turned eleven a week ago.”

“Can you even handle the recoil? At all?”

“You gotta show me your guns before I can tell you that. But I’ve shot a bunch of different kinds of guns.”

“Take your pick, Mr. Expert Marksman,” Raoul sneered.

Norris looked over the guns. Handguns – no. The ones that were powerful enough to be sure of taking down a deader had too much recoil for him. Shotgun – no. It was a very short-range weapon, and you could either fill it with buckshot, which usually wouldn’t even annoy the zombies, or slugs, in which case the fact that it was really hard to aim it made it a problem. The issue with deaders was that they didn’t feel pain, they didn’t seem to really need to breathe and they didn’t seem to really need blood circulation all that much, so guns usually needed to hit zombies in the head to stop them. Or, technically, the kneecaps; they couldn’t keep coming after you if you destroyed the structural integrity of their legs, but that was a lot harder of a shot than a head shot, most of the time.

He chose the 9 mm rifle. “From the roof of the van, I ought to be able to hit heads better than anything else, and if I use a rifle, I can brace it to get a better shot and get less recoil,” he said.

“How long have you been shooting guns?” Raoul asked. It was the first thing he’d said to Norris that Norris could remember that didn’t sound sarcastic or sneering.

“Two years. My dad thought that it was really important that I understand guns and know how to shoot them because if you’re black, you don’t want to call the cops if you get in trouble; they’re just as likely to kill you as help you. He wasn’t expecting a zombie apocalypse, but I’ve done a lot more shooting since the deaders came than I used to do at the range.” He looked down at his feet. “If we hadn’t lost most of our weapons because deaders got into our camp at night and we had to run, Mom probably wouldn’t have got bitten, but we were down to a shotgun and Mom had a .22 and then we ran out of ammo for it and that was when she got bit.”

“Now see, I always used to tell my brother not to carry a gun because the cops are even more likely to shoot you if you have one,” Sarah said. “Did your parents tell you about Philando Castile?”

“They’re coming up the hood,” Aaron reported. “I’m electrifying the body before you guys climb up there. No one touch the walls of the van.”

There was a zapping sound. Norris could see, through the windshield, deaders twitching and jerking before they finally fell off the van.

“Ok, clear. All the ones that were touching the van are stunned.” Electricity didn’t typically kill deaders, but their muscles ran on electricity just the same as humans did, so it could stun and paralyze them. “Whoever’s going up on the roof, you need to go up now.”

“I’m going!” Norris said. “Hey, Sarah, can you help me up? I can’t reach the sun roof.”

“I’ll do it,” Raoul said. “Come on, kid.”

Norris gave Raoul a suspicious look, but accepted the boost up to the roof. He crouched on the roof. Deaders reached for him, but the van was eight feet tall; none of them could reach. They might start climbing on each other’s bodies or trying to climb up the hood again, though.

He sat himself down on the edge of the sunroof gap and dangled one foot down, The positioning was a little awkward, but it would let someone spot him. “Okay, hand me up my rifle.”

“It’s not ‘your’ rifle, kid, it’s ours,” Raoul groused, but handed the rifle up. Norris took a few moments to get himself situated, put the rifle up against his shoulder, sighted through the scope, picked out a deader who looked like what if his social studies teacher was a lot heavier and her face was rotting off, and fired. The recoil knocked him back slightly, but he was braced for it and Raoul was holding onto his ankle, so he couldn’t fly off the van.

“Got one,” he crowed proudly. “Straight in the head.”

“Yeah yeah, stop congratulating yourself and get as many of the others as you can. They might not all be that easy.”

“It’s hard to miss their heads from up here,” Norris replied.

“We can roll forward,” he heard Aaron saying. “With two flats I don’t wanna go faster than 15 mph, maybe 20 max, but that’s a lot faster than deaders can move.”

“What about the other two tires?” Aileen was asking, but Norris didn’t hear the response because he was shooting another deader, and the gun was loud.

His accuracy rate was about 80% -- it was a good rifle, not too heavy, and the deaders were a lot closer than he would normally use a rifle against. The misses generally hit a deader, because they were packed in so closely he couldn’t miss, but if it wasn’t a head shot the deader would keep trying to get into the van or to climb up and drag him down.

Deaders tended to congregate near where there were gunshots. They were too stupid to recognize danger to themselves, but they could recognize that the sound of a gun meant a human, and it was humans they were driven to bite. Norris’ activities had caused the deaders to bunch around the back and sides; he’d shot the two that were still trying to climb up the hood. So Aileen opened her passenger side door, ducked down, grabbed the piece of wood with nails in it that had popped the right tire, and got back in before any of the deaders toward the back managed to reach her. The one that got closest, Norris shot.

When the magazine was empty, Raoul told him to come back in; they were going to try to move, now that he’d thinned the deaders out considerably.

Aaron drove forward very slowly, front rims turned sharply so the van eased out of the way of the board with nails that had popped the left tire. Some of the deaders hung on to the door handles. One managed to get onto the front passenger door handle, and was hanging there. Aileen rolled down the window, just a crack, and while the deader was trying to get its fingers in, she pulled up a pistol, placed the barrel in the window crack, and fired point-blank at the deader. Its head exploded, probably due to the extreme short range; Norris hadn’t gotten any of his targets’ heads to explode.

“Backup’s on the way,” Aaron said. “They’ve got two spare tires for us, and a lot more guns than we brought. Gonna be another ten minutes or so.”

“I could go up and shoot some more,” Norris offered. “We’re not moving fast enough for me to fall off if someone’s holding my leg.”

“Think you’ve done enough, kid,” Raoul said gruffly, but not meanly like he’d been doing most of the time Norris had known him.

“Everyone get onto the rubber mats if you’re not in a seat, and don’t touch the walls,” Aaron said. “I’m electrifying again.”

The zap knocked all the remaining deaders off the door handles, and the van rolled slowly away from the cluster. “So here’s our problem,” Sarah said to Norris. “We can’t complete the mission without changing the tires, but we can’t stop long enough to change the tires with all those deaders out there. We can roll on the rims faster than they can walk, but you know that with all those gunshots, every deader in range to hear is going to be coming our way, so even if we outrun the ones behind us, we’ll encounter new parties of them before long.”

“So what’re we gonna do?” Norris asked.

“Roll on the rims and wait for backup,” Aaron said. “If we get into a big cluster of them, electrify, shoot from the roof, all the stuff we’ve been doing.”

“We try to avoid killing them,” Sarah said. “If we can. The oldest ones, the ones that are rotting, are obviously too far gone to save, but the ones that recently turned… if we can catch them and put them on ice, we might be able to save them. Protecting ourselves is more important, of course, but if we can avoid a confrontation, we will.”

“Not much we can do with two flat tires, though,” Aaron said. “Except hope we don’t run into another cluster before backup arrives.”

They did, in fact, run into another cluster before backup arrived, but only by a minute or so. They electrified the outside, and then a van full of plague doctors showed up. Doctors in their leather costumes and masks poured out of the van. One of them pulled off his mask. “Hey! Uglies! Over here!”

As the cluster of deaders moved toward him and the other new doctors, he hastily put his mask back on. As soon as most of the mass of deaders was far enough away from Norris’ van that friendly fire wasn’t much of a risk, the new doctors lit up the mass with assault rifles. Norris watched from the back window of the van, the one on the door.

“Cool,” he said. “Hey, how come we don’t have any AR-15s?”

“You wouldn’t be allowed to use them anyway,” Sarah said.

“Why did that one guy take off his mask?”

“Deaders operate by smell and sight, mostly. And sound, but there are so many imitation human sounds out there – tv, movies, music – that what gets them to really focus in is smell and sight. We don’t look human to them; they’re, well, too stupid to figure out that we’re human beings in costumes. It’s one of the reasons we wear these outfits.” He could hear a grin in her voice even through the distortion. “And they can’t smell us through the leather and the scented herb sachets. So if we need to lure them somewhere… one of us has to expose their face, so they can smell a human and see a human head.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?”

“Yes. But in this case, not very; he was surrounded by other doctors with guns.”

“I’m gonna help polish them off,” Raoul said. “You guys gonna take care of the tires?”

“Yeah.” Sarah got a piece of equipment Norris didn’t recognize out of the weapons trunk. “I’ll bring the tire jack up front and we’ll get the van up and take the flats off. Norris, you can’t be in the car when we do that. Put on your mask.”

“Okay.” Norris pulled it out of his pocket and put it on. He’d modeled it kind of after Miles Morales, but with Venom’s color scheme. Now all he could smell was leather. “Can deaders tell I’m human?”

“Your body shape is a lot closer to human than ours, so… maybe? It might slow them down figuring you out, but don’t bet on it saving you.”

Outside, Raoul was leaning against the back of the van, his own rifle in his hands. He fired, braced against the van, and shot down a straggling deader who seem to be confused about which direction it wanted to go. “I’ll give you this, kid. I didn’t expect you to be any good with that gun.”

“Uh, thanks?” The rifle fired again, and another deader dropped. “Do you want me to get the gun I was using and help out?”

“Naah, I’m good.” Raoul turned his head to the left and right. “Actually, do me a favor and tell me if there are any deaders approaching from the front or sides of the van. We’ve got to keep them away from the others while they’re changing the tires.”

“Sure.” Norris walked around the van. Aileen and Aaron were pumping the tire jack to lift the van. Sarah was unscrewing the things that held the tires on – Norris’ parents hadn’t taught him anything about fixing cars, so he had no idea what any of the car parts were named except the obvious ones, like tires and windshield. There were no deaders that way. There was, however, one wandering deader approaching from the right side of the van. It was one of the more decrepit ones. Norris told Raoul, who came around the side and shot it down.

“So, we cool now?”

“You know, this shit we’re doing, it’s not a game. It’s deadly serious. I didn’t want some kid getting in the way or getting hurt.”

“Yeah, but I haven’t been in your way.”

“You’re ten—”

“—Eleven—”

“—Point is, you’re a kid. Kids aren’t exactly famous for being great at staying out of the way.” Raoul glanced over at him. “You know a lot of shit for a kid.”

“My mom was a doctor and my dad was a college professor. They made sure I knew a lot of stuff.”

“I’m a doctor and I didn’t know any of this shit when I was your age.”

Norris shrugged. “I guess I’ve always tried really hard.” He grinned. “And I’m pretty smart, so I learn fast.”

“Haven’t seen you at the range, though. Back at the base.”

“Yeah, I’m not allowed to go by myself, and Sarah and Jessie are always busy.” He looked at Raoul sideways. “Maybe sometime if you’re going, I could tag along? I could get some practice, and maybe, pick up a few pointers from watching you? I bet you know a lot.”

“You always have an angle, don’t you, kid?”

“Yeah,” Norris admitted, “but you know it’s all about helping you guys, right?” He glanced around, looking for deaders. “My dad’s dead. All I’ve got is my mom, and you’re her only hope. I tried studying biology and stuff so I could get good enough to help you with the research.”

Raoul snorted. “I don’t care how smart you are, kid, we all graduated high school, and then four years of college, and then seven years of medical school and residency… you’re not gonna be able to duplicate that when you’re ten. Doogie Howser MD isn’t actually a thing.”

Norris had no idea what that meant, but he nodded sagely as if he did. “I know. But I figured it out. You guys aren’t doctors when you’re in the field. I can’t help you in the lab more than washing dishes and stuff for you. But when you go out to get specimens for your tests, you’re, like, I don’t know. A squad of action heroes or something like that.”

“Don’t think I’ve ever heard us described like that.” Raoul shook his head. “We’re not heroes, whatever you might think.”

“You are, though. I mean, yeah, you don’t go around rescuing people. But you capture deaders and study them to try to save all the deaders. That’s heroic. If you were spending your time rescuing people, you couldn’t be working on your research, and that’s more important. If you can cure the deaders, you can save everyone at once.” Norris looked up at Raoul. “So yeah, I got angles. I figure out how to work the system. But it’s all so I can help you, because I want you to save my mom.”

All the deaders were down. The doctors from the other van brought over the two spare tires, and one of them helped Aileen and Sarah get them on the van. Aaron was an old guy, and getting the car up on the jack had apparently winded him.

“Well. I guess you’re not actually useless.” Raoul looked away. “It’s not my call, but I’m not gonna keep arguing against you helping out if you want. I just don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Zombies are going around eating people. I don’t think you grownups can do the whole ‘oh, you’re a kid, we’ll wrap you up in bubble wrap to keep you safe’ thing anymore. I’m fighting for my life and someone I love, same as you and everyone else.”

***

The tires having been changed, they moved on. The other group of doctors was out on their own mission; they headed off in a different direction as the team Norris was with drove south, deeper into the city, but still within the relatively wealthy north side.

“We’re looking for any factor that might cause a variation in response to the fungus,” Sarah said. “Race, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, age, gender… anything we can find. Also, there might be environmental factors that vary depending on where they lived. So we pick up fresh deaders – as fresh as possible, and if we can get them right before they turn, like your mom, that’s ideal – from every part of the city, and out in the suburbs, and occasionally we go out to the Eastern Shore or the mountains out west or north into the more rural counties – those areas have a lot fewer deaders in general because they’re a lot less populated, but deaders hide in the woods or the swamps, out there.”

“Do you drive into swamps, then?”

She laughed. “Hell no, this poor van couldn’t handle that. We use bait. One of us takes off our mask and ostentatiously walks around the van yelling or singing. Deaders hiding in underpopulated areas are a lot hungrier than the ones around here; city deaders will sometimes ignore potential prey because their biting urge is temporarily satiated, but rural deaders will come out any time there’s any evidence of a human anywhere near them. They fall for it every time.”

This was an area with big houses, lawns that were overgrown but probably had been well-kept once, and lots of trees. “You looking to grab some rich white people today?”

“I don’t care if they’re white, black, or green, but yes, we want to grab some people who had wealth before they became deaders. See if good nutrition and health care in their time as living humans made any difference to the spread of the fungus, for better or worse.”

“I don’t see anybody on the road.”

The whole region appeared – not necessarily dead, but certainly turtled up. Many houses had boarded-up first floor windows, a thing Norris did not generally see on houses as nice as these. Some of them had bars on the windows – so they’d either gotten that before, or they’d had the resources to get them quickly put in after the deader plague had started. There were fans running in some of the second or higher floor windows; did these guys actually have electricity? Norris’ family had lived in a big, beautiful brownstone down near the art college, but their neighborhood had been primarily black, with a lot of their neighbors being renters, and they’d lost electricity early on.

In most of the city, you could see deaders stumbling along on the street, or humans traveling together in groups, heavily armed, because the only way to get food in the city was generally to loot grocery stores or to pick up food packages from the government air drop. No matter what anyone had stockpiled when things started to get rough, it had run out or gone bad by now. These folks probably mostly had cars, up here; they could drive out to rural areas where things weren’t as dangerous and buy food from farmers, the way the plague doctors did, Norris figured. They never needed to leave their houses and walk down the street, carrying their weapons, glancing around nervously and constantly, using every sense they had to try to pick up on deaders before the deaders could converge on them. At least not before all the gas in and near the city ran out.

Part of him hated them for that. Another part reminded himself that a lot of these people, it probably wasn’t their fault that other parts of the city were so poor. He shouldn’t begrudge them the relative safety they had, he should just want that safety to be shared with the entire city.

If this was still going on when he was old enough to drive, Norris vowed, he would go out to the countryside and buy fresh food and drive it down into the city and hand it out for free to anyone who was still alive. Although, what were the odds that anyone could survive another five years of this? Maybe he needed to start learning to drive now. Who was gonna give him a ticket? The doctors’ vehicles ran on stuff they could make out of corn, not standard gasoline, so they had plenty of fuel he could use.

“If there are any around here, they’re hiding in bushes or behind trees or inside abandoned commercial buildings. They go slightly dormant when there are no people to prey on; they enter a kind of torpor state until they sense prey, and then they go into action.”

“That’s where the zoomers come from,” Raoul said. “Normally deaders can’t move quickly; their metabolism is kind of shit. But when they’ve been in torpor and they sense prey, those fuckers can move their asses.”

“So we’re going to use the drones to try to find them,” Sarah said. “In an area with a lot of deaders in torpor, we can’t risk luring them out; they move too fast to handle them if there’s a large number. Fortunately, most deaders are still somewhat warmer than their environment, even if they’re all colder than human, now that the fall temperatures are coming in, and the ones who are at straight environmental temperature are far gone enough that they can’t zoom anymore.”

“What does being warm – Oh! You’re using, like, infrared scopes?” Some of the video games Norris had played in his life had featured infrared scopes, where if you found a scope and equipped yourself with it, you could see enemies by their body heat. “Those are real?”

“Yup.”

Aaron parked the car, and Aileen released the drones. She was piloting and monitoring two of them; Aaron was working another, and both Sarah and Raoul had one they were working with. Norris spent a lot of time looking over Sarah’s shoulder as she used her drone to hunt for deaders.

“Looks like there aren’t a lot,” Sarah said. “I’m getting three hiding in the bistro across the street, and wow, one managed to get into a tree. I wonder how he’s getting down.”

“He can’t climb down?”

“He can, but he won’t, because he’s too stupid to think of it. He’ll probably jump, which will likely break a leg. Still, for him to have enough intelligence to think of climbing a tree in the first place means he’s probably fresh, and if he doesn’t smash his skull open when he gets out of the tree, he might be ideal.”

“Got a bunch milling around in a house,” Raoul reported. “I’m guessing one got in and turned a whole family. Looks like three adult size and three significantly shorter.”

“Too many to take,” Sarah said regretfully. “It’s too bad, we could use some more children, and if they haven’t gotten out of the house yet, they’re probably fresh.”

Norris knew what she meant, but “we could use some more children” still sounded creepy to him. “We can’t take six deaders?”

“Nope. We don’t even have capacity to put that many on ice. We’re out to collect three specimens, and then we’ll have to head back.”

“Not seeing any northbound,” Aileen reported. “Southbound, there are some roaming the street about a dozen blocks south, but there are police cars and net barricade blocking the street, so we can’t get down that way.”

Norris’ lip curled. “Yeah, figures. The rich people decided to block the poor people from being able to get up into their neighborhood.”

“That area was pretty gentrified. Not exactly poor. Not as wealthy as here, but they had money. And tourism dollars; their neighborhood was in several cult classic movies.” Aileen sighed. “There are men wearing police armor, with weapons, manning the barricades. I suggest we don’t go farther south.”

“The deaders could just go around, couldn’t they? I mean, they aren’t walling off the whole city…”

Sarah shook her head. “Again, they can but they won’t; deaders aren’t that smart.”

“I don’t know,” Aaron said. “One might have managed to think of setting down nails in boards as caltrops. One climbed a tree. I don’t know if they’re so fresh they still have a lot of their minds, or if the fungus is adapting to use more of the host’s intelligence capacity.” He put down his drone controller. “Someone just shot my drone. I’m out.”

“Hmm.” Sarah looked over her own controller and Raoul’s. “Tree guy, and maybe a couple from the bistro if they’re fresh?”

“Yeah. Who’s doing the luring today?”

Norris put his hand up like he was in school. “I will!”

“Norris, no. This is dangerous work,” Sarah said.

“Yeah, but whoever’s doing the luring isn’t gonna be able to help the others with the poles,” Norris pointed out. “You have to take time to put your mask back on, and if they’re zoomers, that’s dangerous. And what if we go lure them out of the bistro and the family from the other house comes out? If there’s a lot of them, it’d be a good idea if all of you doctors were ready to catch them or shoot them. That means none of you should do the luring, I should, because I can’t help with the poles.”

“How are you going to outrun adult zoomers?” Raoul asked.

Norris smirked. “How’d I do it before? I can run faster than any deader long as I got good sneakers, and Jessie just got me a new pair. These are sweet.” He showed them off. Velcro straps, no chance of shoelaces tripping him, with springy arches and a lot of bounce. Also they looked cool, black with green slashes and a little bit of silver highlighting. “Can’t keep it up; they’ll catch up with me if I’ve got to run a whole block, but for a short sprint even the zoomers can’t keep up.”

Aileen pointed out, “Children have a lot more available metabolic energy than adults, and even zoomers have a lower metabolic rate than any human. He’s probably right.”

“Yes, but what if he’s wrong? The risk is unacceptable,” Sarah said sternly.

To Norris’ surprise, Raoul spoke up. “The kid wants us to treat him like he’s adult, or close enough to be valuable to the team, anyway. He survived on the streets. Let him try with the Tree Guy; that one’s probably gonna break a bone on landing. We’ll get a sense of how fast the kid can move without him being at a lot of real risk.”

“Since when do you advocate for Norris?” Sarah asked, plainly surprised.

“Since he turned out to be a good shot.”

“That was all it took for him to earn your respect, huh?” Sarah sighed. “Okay. We can try it, but I want Aaron or Aileen on standby to shoot the deader if he does look like he’s going to overtake Norris?”

“I’m ready,” Aileen said. She opened her door. “Pass me a rifle.”

With the grate separating the seating compartment from the back of the van, the driver and passenger couldn’t get the longer guns from the back without opening their door and then the van side door to take the gun. Raoul handed Aileen a rifle, and she got back into the van and aimed it at the tree, while Sarah and Raoul got their grabbing poles ready. “Okay, Norris,” Sarah said. “See if you can get him out of the tree.”

Norris strolled up to the tree, mask off, whistling loudly. “Wow, what do you know, here I am, a human kid, just strolling around totally unprotected because I’m sure there are no deaders up here in this nice rich neighborhood! Boy, it would sure be a shame if it turned out I was wrong and a deader showed up!”

There was movement in the tree. Norris kept the tree in his peripheral vision as he walked around it, starting to whistle again.

Despite his attention to the tree, he was still surprised when the deader jumped down from a low branch, implying that the guy had climbed rather than jumping, and took off after him. It wasn’t enough of a moment of surprise to slow him down, though. He raced back toward the van. As the doctors had predicted, the zombie was a zoomer, one of the ones who could move at a run, and they were often faster than humans despite their low metabolism because they didn’t feel pain.

As Norris reached the van, Raoul fired a taser at the zombie. Tasers didn’t hurt them, but they could stun them and knock them down, since their muscles still used electricity. As the zombie stumbled, they swung their poles into position, locking around the zombie’s neck and waist rather than arms like they’d done with Norris’ mom. Norris wanted to know why not, but he figured it was a bad idea to distract them right now.

Aileen came out of the car, with her pole. It had a different attachment on it – they were still pincers, but they were much thicker. She grabbed the zombie just under his left shoulder and pulled the pincers shut. There was a cracking noise, and the zombie’s arm went limp.

She was breaking their limbs, Norris realized, as she did the other arm, and then both legs. The zombie thrashed its body and head, but without working limbs, it had no way to stop them from slamming it down on the table and holding it in place while Aileen strapped it down. They did the same as they’d done to Mom – putting the tube-gag in his mouth, strapping it down, and pouring a sedative in. The zombie did not stop wiggling and struggling. The doctors wrapped his arms with bandages and sprayed them down with the aerosol that hardened it, like they’d done to Mom. Then they pushed the air tube in, pulled out the ice tank, lifted the metal tray the deader was strapped to, and dropped it in the tank. Finally they closed the lid, sealing the zombie in.

Norris shuddered. That was a lot more violent than what they’d done to his mom. He was fine with shooting zombies, but it seemed kind of awful to him to render someone helpless and then methodically break their limbs, even if they were deaders.

“We’ve got two coming out of the bistro,” Aaron reported. “One looks really fresh. The other one’s... not. Recommend you shoot the one that’s more dead and take the other.”

Raoul nodded. “Aileen, you’ve got the gun.”

“Okay.” Both of the zombies were zoomers, running at high speed toward the van, presumably following the sound of human voices. Aileen lined up the shot. One of the zoomers didn’t even look dead; his white skin was pasty and colorless, but some white people just looked like that. The other one’s fingers were visibly rotting and there were blooms of mold on her body. Aileen blew her head off with the rifle. The other zoomer kept coming.

Norris didn’t have to do anything. Raoul and Sarah swung the poles out as the zoomer approached, hitting him in the legs and the head, hard enough to knock him to the ground. Raoul tased him before he could get up, and then they did the same thing they’d done to the man in the tree. Grab him by the neck and waist, hold him up far enough away that he couldn’t reach them with his arms or legs, and then Aileen moving in with the stronger pincer and crushing his limbs.

“It’s... it seems wrong for you to do that,” he said tentatively, after they’d gotten the deader secured in an ice bath. “You want to cure them but you’re breaking their arms and legs?”

“We don’t want them infecting us," Sarah pointed out. “We don’t usually get the ones who haven’t quite turned yet, like your mom. This one was infected within the last week or so, but he’s still as dangerous as any deader – more than most of them, because his body’s intact and he might have some brainpower still.”

“Yeah, but if you cure them, they’ll still have two broken legs and two broken arms.”

“Better than being a deader, though.”

“There’s some motion in the house,” Aaron reported. “I think one of the kids just found the back door.”

“Oh, we can get a kid? That’s great!” Sarah said enthusiastically. “We’ve got so few of those.”

“You want me to lure him in?” Norris asked. “Or her?”

“Sure, but don’t forget. Without prey for a while, they become zoomers, and you don’t have a lot of advantages against another kid.”

“Sure I do. I’m not mostly dead,” Norris said. He pulled off his mask again and got onto the median, trying (and mostly failing) to rap about how much zombies should want to eat him. His rhymes sucked and his rhythm was off, but he doubted the zombie would care.

It appeared finally, coming around the side of the house. A little white girl, younger than him. Maybe seven or eight. She had curly blonde hair and was still dressed in a pink T-shirt that said “GIRLS RULE AT SCHOOL”, with bloodstains on the collar where she’d probably been bitten. For several seconds she just stared at him, as he stared at her. Then she started running toward him.

Norris hadn’t gone far from the van, so he didn’t have far to go to get to safety. The little zoomer ran right in at Sarah and Raoul, who swung their poles into place to grab her.

She dodged.

“Shit!” Raoul shouted, as the zoomer got past him and tried to jump into the van after Norris. “Fuck! Kid, get a gun!”

There really wasn’t time to do that. Norris only had time to get his mask back on before the kid zoomer slammed into him, knocking him back against the divider between the seats in the van and the back area.

“Get off!" Norris yelled. The girl was trying to bite him, while he was trying to hold her away from him. He was taller and had longer arms, but she had deader strength and was forcing his arms back. Her mouth was open and drooling.

Sarah hit her in the head with her pole. The girl went to the ground, hard. As she tried to get up, Sarah pinned her in place. “Aileen! Get the crusher over here, do her legs!”

“She’s a kid!” Norris said. “Can’t we just pin her down with your poles? She’s not that strong; if I could hold her off, you grownups should be able to.”

“Can’t take chances,” Sarah said. “But we can leave her arms intact if we hold her to the floor and break her legs so she can’t use them to squirm free.”

Aileen snapped the bones in the child’s shin. “There you go. She can’t run, but if we do manage to find a cure, those are greenstick fractures and they should knit back together relatively easily.” The zombie thrashed her thighs and knees, trying to move her legs, but the broken part just flopped. “Or maybe not, since she won’t hold them still.”

“I’ll tape them if you take my pole and Raoul adds his.”

“Any reason we’re being so careful with this deader?” Raoul asked.

“The kids are the most likely to come back without brain damage if we figure out how to kill the fungus. I’d rather the kid not have permanently damaged arms and legs.”

Sarah used medical tape to splint the zombie’s broken legs, and a hardening foam all over the splint to hold it together. Then she used the same tape to seal up the zombie’s fingers and thumb, putting them into a ball-like cast where the zombie had no ability to move her fingers or touch anyone with them. She tied the arms to the child zombie’s side with the medical tape, and then used the bandages to wrap the girl like a mummy before spraying the hardening aerosol. “Okay, let’s get her on ice.”

“Two more incoming,” Aaron reported. “Both fresh. Adult from the same house as the kid, and another adult, from the bistro.”

“We can’t take them,” Sarah said wistfully. “No room.”

“Can we drive off without killing them?” Norris asked. “If they’re fresh, maybe you’ll be able to save them?”

“That’s really unlikely,” Sarah said.

Raoul went out with the gun. “We’d have to cure them within a couple of weeks for them to stay fresh. We’re not within a couple of weeks of cracking this. So... no.” He fired the gun, twice. Both zombies toppled over, their heads masses of blood and flesh.

Sarah and Aileen finished boxing the little zombie. “We’re full up,” Aileen said. “Let’s head back.”

“You wanna get back in the front?” Aaron asked.

“No, I want to get going before any more deaders come out of any more houses and we have to shoot them.” Aileen shuddered slightly. “There’s two more kids in the house this one came from and I really hate having to shoot the kids.”

“That does suck,” Raoul admitted. “If they’re far gone it doesn’t matter, but if they’re fresh… I just keep thinking about how we could put them on ice until we’ve got a cure and maybe they’ll recover, but we don’t have the equipment to put so many on ice so we end up having to kill them.”

“Maybe you could come back with more ice boxes and see if you can get the rest of the kids in that house, after you drop these guys off?” Norris suggested.

Sarah shook her head. “We can’t burn fuel like that. We’re not here to rescue anyone, we’re here to collect the specimens we need. That’s all.”

***

Back at the base, there was no role for Norris to help in with unloading the deaders, taking samples from them, and getting them into their permanent cold boxes. So he went to the cafeteria, because he was starving. It was late afternoon and he’d never had breakfast. A few folks gave him a hairy eyeball for the amount of food he was taking, but no one said anything.

After that, he considered going back to his room and taking a nap… but no. He had to keep up the pressure. If he wanted to finagle his way into being able to go out with them and help them again, he needed to remind them that he’d been helpful, by showing up and offering to help now.

They were buzzing around the lab busily. “Hey,” Norris said, strolling in with his leather armor still on, like they did. “Anything I can do to help? Wash dishes or whatever?”

“Norris, we’ve just been talking about you!” Sarah said cheerily.

“Uh... is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“Listen.” Sarah squatted on the floor so her eyes were level with his – and then immediately stood up again. “Ow. I keep forgetting my knees don’t want to let me do that anymore.”

“You don’t need to do it anyway, I can look up.”

“Okay. Listen. You were helpful today, even Raoul admits it. But that incident where the child deader attacked you? That was terrifying. I never want to see anything like that again.”

“Oh, come on!” Norris couldn’t control the outburst. “I did everything I could to help you! I got two deaders to come on over to the van, and I shot deaders when it would have been too dangerous for any of you guys, and--”

“Kid, shut up and let Dr. Blake talk,” Raoul said, and Norris shut up. “Dr. Blake” instead of “Sarah” meant things were serious.

“So,” Sarah said, “we’ve decided to formally allow you to apprentice with us, on the specimen capture squads, because a formal apprenticeship will allow us to train you.”

Aaron spoke up. “You’re going to work with Dr. Alvarez at the range to practice your marksmanship and learn a wider range of weaponry. Dr. Walsh will train you on the use of the drones. I’ll be assisting you on learning to drive. Dr. Narayan will train you on data entry so you can help us put our numbers in for analysis. And Dr. Blake will continue to be your primary liaison with the team, but will also be monitoring your overall progress with your education, with us and in terms of your academic progress.”

“Really?” Norris’ eyes went wide. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Sarah said, grinning. “We recognize that we’re not going to be able to stop you from trying to fight back against the zombie plague, whether we enable you or not, and we believe your chances of accomplishing something positive without getting yourself killed will be considerably better if we train you as our assistant.”

“There’s other teams,” Aileen Walsh said. “One of them came to help us with the tires. They’re not necessarily going to understand why we’re training a kid as young as you are or letting you help out on collection missions. They’re going to be overall too polite to say anything directly to you, but you might hear talk behind your back.”

“That’s okay,” Norris said. “I don’t pay any attention to that kind of thing.” The truth was he didn’t even hear that kind of thing most of the time; his mother had once been furious because she’d overheard children in the hallways at his school calling him weird and an Oreo, but he’d been with her and hadn’t heard a thing. He’d been too busy cataloguing Pokemon in his head.

“I want you to work out, too,” Raoul said. “Shooting’s one thing, but you need to build up upper body strength and stamina. You weren’t in any shape to fight off that deader and she was on you before you could have gotten a gun.”

“So you’re my gym teacher?” Norris said, grinning.

Raoul sighed. “Shoot me now. I’ve become a jock.”

“We’re going to work you hard,” Aaron said. “If you want to be helpful, and you want to come on the missions, we need you up to speed as soon as we can get you there, because we want you to be as safe on the missions as a boy your age could reasonably be.”

Norris thought of his long hours studying biology, chemistry and math, upstairs in his bedroom on the computer someone had left him there. “That’s exactly what I want,” he said. “I’ll go just as fast as you push me, so go ahead and push me hard.”

***

Later, he found his mother’s tank among the other near-suspended deaders. He couldn’t see her – the tanks were not transparent, and he knew better than to open the tank and risk his mom getting loose and getting shot.

“They let me join them, Mom,” he whispered to her. “I’m gonna help them find the cure for this, and we’re gonna save you. We’re gonna get you back to yourself. I promise.”

#52 project #plague doctors #zombies #baltimore #it never actually says baltimore but that's where it is

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mochilici0us · 4 years

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One New Message | jjk (1)

➳ 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: angst, thriller, stalker!au

➳ 𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀:Skye realizes she has to deal with a ruthless stalker when the messages she’s constantly receiving are getting more and more threatening. A stalker that makes her recall memories of the past she swore she would never rake up again

➳ 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2,5k

prologue, part one, part two, part three, part four

January 2013

''Skye we're leaving in an hour. Please start getting ready'' I had already drifted off when my mother's voice outside the door ruined my sweet sleep. The clock next to my bed says 8 o clock. As it seems, no matter how much I tried to get away with tonight’s dinner my mother is not having it . I ignore her and just slump into my warm bed again.

''Skye I'm talking to you. Get up.'' this time she enters the room and agressively pulls the bedspread. Her voice never fails to get on my nerves.

''What happened?'' I rub my eyes pretending to be clueless

She grins humorlessly “You’re coming to the dinner whether you want it or not. I won’t tolerate your stubbornness again” her long thin arms are now crossed in front of her chest, the whole body posture appears quite aggressive.

“Again?” It’s my turn to laugh. As if she’s less stubborn....

The cocky smile falls from her face revealing a disturbed woman. She chokes back her reply and changes the subject

''I left your dress inside your closet. It's kind of tight you better fit into it'' she chuckles

''I'm not fat mum” I hiss in annoyance

''I didn't say you're fat'' she raises her hands defensively

''Whatever'' I quit trying, an argument with my mum is always lost. My hands make their way to my rumbling stomach and rub it softly ''Mum... Can you please tell Ruby to fetch me a snack? I haven't eaten since five''

''No. We're going for dinner anyway'' she denies shaking her head, her soft blonde curls moving from side to side

''But I'm hungry''

''Sounds like your problem''

Very mature answer from a 47-year-old woman. And they act like I’m the stubborn one in this family. Her words hurt me, I swallow my tears and speak my mind openly, I can’t always behave kind as my parents expect me to

''I'm going to pass out for fuck's sake''

''Watch your mouth!'' she shouts ''This dinner is important to your father, to us, we have to look flawless. I've put so much effort into finding the ideal dress for you. It would be very unfortunate if your stomach seemed bloated or even worse if you didn't fit into it.” She shoots me a threatening look “To conclude, no food till the dinner, get ready please''

After finishing her monologue she leaves my bedroom hurriedly, she has to finish her preparations as well. I'm used to her insults, I always feel hurt whatsoever but it's nothing I can't cope with. What annoys me the most right now is my poor stomach that's begging for some food.

''Hey Skye'' I hear a small voice realizing it's Ruby

''Hey'' my eyes flash when I lower my gaze and see what she's holding

''I overheard your conversation with mrs Westbrook, looks like it's your lucky day'' she smiles and hands me the bowl filled with milk and cereal

“It's light but enough to satisfy your hunger I guess''

''You're an angel'' I whisper and dive into my cereal. They taste better than I thought, when you’re hungry everything tastes better. Indeed Ruby an angel. She always appears right when I need her.

''I have to go now, your parents are probably looking for me''

''Please stay'' I extend my hand and grab her upper arm.

''I wish I could... We'll catch up tomorrow morning'' she pats my hair sympathetically and excuses herself.

Ruby is 8 years older than me. I'm sure you're wondering why a 26-year-old young girl works as a maid instead of exploring the world and living her dreams. Well let's say that life didn't go easy on her as many unfortunate events took place and forced her to leave her dreams behind and work hard. She's been working for us for 3 years and because of her young age and amazing, bubbly character we grew closer to the point I consider her as a best friend. And these small gestures make me love her even more.

8:10. I devour the rest of my cereal and run straight towards the bathroom to take a quick shower. We've got a long night ahead of us...

Present

''What do you mean they didn't agree?'' I question dryly, my eyebrows raised in blatant disbelief

The man across my desk gulps “No matter how much we tried to convice them they clarified they're not interested in cooperation''

''We need this cooperation. If we gain their shareholders trust so that they invest in our company too the success is guaranteed.'' I tap my nails against the table attempting to collect myself.

''I know. What are we doing now?''

''I'm not sure. Just tell Taehyung to get his ass over here right now''

He chuckles ''Do you need a coffee?''

''Right now I need a few tranquilizers with whiskey'' I rub my forehead exhausted

''That's easier to find than your weird coffee. Dairy free coconut milk creamer?''

I crack a smile ''You know that I'm lactose intolerant. I'm not a weird person''

''So what about your odd stevia sweetener instead of sugar?'' he remarks quickly crossing his arms across the chest

''I'm on a diet. Women have to take care of their body, you understand don't you?'' I bat my eyelashes innocently

''Yes but decaf cappucino? For God's sake Skye''

''Hoseok it's time to go now'' I act serious but hardly keep my laughter

''You have no idea how the barista looks at me every time I say all these shits you drink'' The desperate look on his face makes the situation even funnier

''You have no idea how your mother's gonna look at you when you announce you got fired''

''It's time to leave, I have so many errands to run'' he gets up pretending to study his wrist watch ''See you Skye''

''That wasn't smooth Hoseok. Let Taehyung know I want to meet him''

''Okay boss'' he gives a salute and finally exits my office.

I lean back on my chair and gently rub my temples. Last night I had nightmares that didn't leave me to rest.

It sounds weird but I've noticed that I have warning dreams, I found that out when I was 20 years old. I usually don't have dreams but when I do, they are always giving me signs.

Attempting to quench my curiosity I did a little research in order to interpret them and found something called precognitive dreaming but I'm not sure if this is what I have because I still haven't figured whether my dreams can predict the future or they just convey a subconscious message. What I know for sure is whenever I have a bad dream something unfortunate happens whereas whenever I have good dreams luck seems to be on my side. It's been so long since I last had a blissful dream, so many years... I don't believe in dreams however, I'm a business woman that depends on actual evidences and not on my sixth sense or whatever.

But last night you had a nightmare and today we didn't make the important deal with Kim Enterprises, the voice inside my head comments.

''You wanted to see me'' Taehyung interrupts my stupid thoughts

''Maybe I wouldn't dislike you that much if you knocked the door''

''Maybe you would have someone to screw with if you weren't so annoying'' he laughs and takes a seat

''You're laughing? I'm glad because after our conversation you won't''

''I suppose you're referring to the deal with Kim Enterprises right?''

''What happened Taehyung?'' I ask seriously this time

''They are not interested. I tried hard to make them agree but they weren't having it'' he grabs a pen and fiddles with it

''They weren't content with our terms?''

''No, no Skye we both know our offer is very tempting and they really appreciated that. However, they are planning a launch of a brand new product which they developed on their own that's why they're busy and not capable of following our terms''

I nod noncommittally and bite my lower lip deep in thoughts ''What kind of product?'' I finally ask Taehyung

''They didn't say. They made clear though that it's gonna be a revolutionary tool. I suspect it's a cellphone with the new mobile operating system they created last year.''

''You suspect? Based on what?''

''Let's say that some information leaked, you know how these things work. We're not 100% sure though''

''And they declined our offer? They declined an offer from a marketing company like ours? We could have increased sales dramatically. Stupid people.'' I hiss and take a sip of my strawberry infused water, the cool liquid soothing my throat

''We shouldn't push them more, we put a future cooperation at risk''

'' I know.'' I hide my face with my hands

''Hey, don't let this bring you down. We had so many beneficial projects and cooperations this year, we don't need Kim that much''

''It's just... forget it'' I shake my head and Taehyung leans forward and captures my hand.

''What?'' he mutters softly

''I don't wanna fail''

''You didn't fail sweetheart. It's something we both want so much but unfortunately things don't work out every time. Let's focus on the rest of our responsibilities'' he massages my fingers and wrist softly, with care and smiles.

''Ok''I simply reply

''You look tired''

''I didn't sleep at night. And your massage doesn't help, it makes me more sleepy'' I lean back and close my eyes

''You didn't sleep well huh?'' I'm sure he's smirking

''Taehyung shut up''

''No answer. That's suspicious''

''With Grace sleeping in the room next to mine your assumption is invalid. Sorry''

''Hm...Ok. What time are you picking her up from school?''

''In 3 hours''

''Go home, I'm taking over for you'' he stops massaging for a moment''Ugh don't stop'' I plead. A breathy laugh escapes his lips and he starts rubbing again

''I have to come back and pick her up so there's no point to leave'' Grace's school is a block away from the company so it's convenient to pick her up once I finish my work.

''I'm picking her up don't worry, you need to rest''

''You don't have to drive that much, don't worry I can stay''

''You're dead on your feet. Go home please'' he insists

''Are you sure?''

''Yes'' he places a small kiss on my hand and stands up

“Can you drive?''

''Gosh, Taehyung what has gotten into you? Don't be so kind because I may grow fond of you and that's disgusting'' I sing playfully

''I promise I'll start knocking the door from now on. Is this reason strong enough for you to like me?''

''Do it and I'll think about it. Give me my coat'' I smirk

He looks at me and hands me my pink coat, the familiar, boxy smile never leaving his lips.

''See you in 3 hours'' I greet him patting his back

''See you'' he greets me back. Once I step away he stays still, hesitantly yet intensely checking out my back figure until I reach the mirror covered elevator.

Stupid men...

''See you next week girls. Take care'' the ballet teacher says and the small ballerinas slowly make their way to the changing room. There walks the familiar tiny figure, some strands of hair fluttering in the wind although she has a sleek bun secured with a pink scrunchie matching her tutu.

She raises her eyes and when we make eye contact she waves excitedly and whispers something about me in her friend's ear. She's so proud of me, always raving about me in front of her friends and teachers. That's the main reason I always behave so well when she's present, my priority as her role model is to make sure I have a good influence on her.

A few minutes after she appears holding her bright fuchsia backpack.Pink is her favourite colour.

''Hey Skye''

''Hey sweetheart, did you have fun?''

''Yeah but I got tired, my feet hurt''

''Aw, don't worry tomorrow you'll be fine'' I zip her puffer jacket and bid her ballet teacher goodbye as we exit the studio.

''Have you been watching me dancing? I couldn't see you from the ballroom'' she asks while we're walking towards my car

''I watched the entire show''

She simply hums trying to conceal her surprise but I can see her cheeks getting flushed

''Get in darling, it's cold'' I suggest and unlock the car. She sits in the back seat, fastens her seatbelt and waits patienly for the next step.

''Here you are'' I hand her her favourite chocolate cookies along with an orange juice, it’s a part of her post work out routine. She cheers and dives into her snack right away.

It's 7pm, dark sky but the car lights illuminate the busy road

''Skye...''

''Yes sweetheart'' I check the mirror as soon as I hear her voice

''Today we're having a Looney Tunes marathon, you didn't forget did you?''

''Of course not'' I shake my head ''Maybe I have some pizza waiting for you''

''Really?''

''Only if you take your vitamins of course'' I offer and finally turn left into the familiar street. We're almost home.

''No...they taste terrible''

''They don't, they're really tasty in fact'' my eyes land on the mirror to take a look at the road behind

''If I have to do it for pizza, I will.” She nods with a pout on her lips

“You should get me a different flavor, I hate mango”

''I thought mango was your favourite fruit''

''I like it only in my shampoo''

''Okay then'' my gaze travels back in the mirror just to see what I've been afraid of. This car. This red car that has been following us for the last 5 minutes.

''Skye I'm talking to you''

''What?''I reply thinking of what I should do now

''Tomorrow our teacher said we must wear sport clothes because we're playing volley''

''Ok''

''My baby pink set is washed isn't it?''

''Yes''

''Don't lie I saw it in the dirty laundry this morning''

''Grace can you please stop talking for a second?'' She doesn't answer but I'm sure she's pouting annoyed. My house is a kilometre ahead and the red vehicle is still two cars behind.

My heart beats so fast but I can't panic now that my sister is here. I stop in the closest parking lot and wait. Grace examines the place and I'm sure she's dying to ask why we stopped but she doesn't speak.

My heart stops when the red car passes by me but instead of stopping as I thought it would, it keeps moving with the same speed. I stay and watch till it disappears.

Once I realize everything is ok I blink hard, gulping for a breath.Well, I probably have misunderstood things.

My mind is running wild, why would someone follow me? I'm such a scaredy-cat...I start my car and drive back home.

Maybe I should stop watching Criminal Minds...

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bodyswapmischief · 5 years

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Silver’s Sauna: Nerd to Sliver Fox

Just moments ago, I was a nerdy high school senior. Now, I'm almost an actual senior at 55 years old. Yes, I have one hell of a body, but was it worth 37 years of my life.

I was always made fun of, in school. First I was, too short ... But, once puberty hit, I grew taller. To bad my muscles didn't get the growth memo. I was a tall, pale, nerdy skeleton. And jocks/bullies at my school never let me forget how much of an outcast I was.

With college coming up soon, I saw my chance to start over. I could work on my self now and become the person I wanted to be in college. So, I joined a gym, where I knew my classmates wouldn't bother me. Silver's Gym was mainly advertised to older men. The mascot was a fox. So ... the whole Silver Fox motif wasn't lost on me.

I walked up to the front desk. And, there was Mr. Edward Silver. He was the youngest and fittest man in there, in his early 30's. He was curious why I wanted to be at this gym. So, I told him my story. He understood and even gave me a discount. For the past few months I went, but saw no results. Mr. Silver tried to give me tips, but I just couldn't gain weight to build muscle. Exercising became a form of meditation for me. And working out next to overweight business men was a real confidence booster.

Today, I was working out when I saw a bald and severely obese man walk in. His clothes and the way he carried himself shown that his gluttonous appetite came from his extremely wealthy life style. Mr. Silver came, out of the back office, and greeted him. They started talking and the old man handed Mr. Silver a brief case. Mr. Silver motioned to me and the old man nodded. My gut told me I needed to leave, immediately.

I stopped what I was doing and rushed into to the locker room. My heart was racing and it felt like being back at school, running from my bullies. As I struggled to get the locker open, Mr. Silver walked in. Being bullied at school, I considered him my only friend, based on the interactions we had. But, now standing in front of me, he was different. He stared at me like a predator that had cornered his prey. I didn't know what he was going to do, but I knew he had me trapped. "Aw Eric! Glad I found you." He said in a fake cheerful tone. "I wanted to congratulate you, myself. You won the gyms surprise lottery. You got yourself a free trip to the sauna."

"That's great," I let out, fear shaking my throat. "But, I can't do it now ... Can I comeback..." Mr Silver interrupted me, with his fake cheery tone. "Oh, we both know you're not gonna want to miss this opportunity." He grabbed me and forcibly led me to the spa area. I tried to break free. Even though Mr. Silver was shorter than me, his ripped body easily slammed me into the locker. With his ripped physique pressed against me, he looked at me straight in the eyes, his silent message was clear. I wasn't escaping. I stopped fighting back and let him take me.

He led me into the basement, with two glass chambers. The chambers were set up like saunas, except for the 3 glass walls. In one chamber sat the fat old man, with a towel across his legs. "Strip down and here's a towel." Mr Silver commanded. Understanding that I couldn't do anything to escape, I followed his command. He opened the door to the other chamber and I walked in.

The fat old man looked at me at smile. "Hello, I'm Theodore Hutchinson. And, I appreciate what you are about to do for me." I was confused. "What's going on!'" I order Mr. Silver to explain what was happening. "Years ago, I discovered these particles that I have infused into this mist. When properly charged these particles can overcome the obstacles of time and space. However they need to be balanced, or else ... bad things happen" Mr. Silver began to explain.

As he was talking, I witnessed what was happening to Mr. Hutchinson. Fat was melting of his body. Hair was growing back on his head. His body was becoming less hairy. His skin started to tighten and his body was being pumped with muscle. Once the steam cleared he looked like he was now my age. He looked like the buff jocks that made my life a living hell. His towel dropped to the floor revealing his hard cock. He started laughing in disbelief, while feeling up his body. The laughs turned into moans and he started rubbing his cock. His body pulsing with pleasure as as he felt up his now younger body.

The machine started violently shaking, as Mr. Silver walked back to it. "See. These little guys are fighting to regain balance. They need somewhere to go." He said deviously. Steam started filling up my chamber. I panicked, looking at Mr. Hutchinson younger body. I subconsciously put one hand on my stomach. I brushed the other hand through my hair. Mr. Silver laughed. "It doesn't work like that. It's not a body swap machine. In Mr. Hutchinson’s case it naturally de-aged him to his senior year of high school. When he was a muscled up jock. You on the other hand, It will age you as if you kept living your life naturally. What you will look like ... well who knows. That's the fun part. Maybe you will get fat and bald like he was and maybe you won’t. Only time will tell." Mr. Silver Flipped the switch.

The steam surrounded my body. Although I could still breathe, I felt suffocated. My body was heating up. Suddenly, I felt a pressure on my stomach and saw it start stretching. My chest became flabby and my stomach jutted out. " Looks like some gained the freshman 15," Mr. Silver playfully said.

Part of me was happy that I was no longer a skinny skeleton. But I worried how fat I was going to get, as the weight kept piling on. "Someone discovered beer on their 21st birthday." Mr Silver Chimed in.

Suddenly I feel my arm getting stabbed over and again. A tattoo appeared on my arm. My body was still chubby, but muscle was beginning to developed. My biceps started painfully pulsating, as they increased in size. My chest became more defined. " Look's like 25 was a good year for you." Silver seemed amused.

My body kept increasing in size and my belly became flatter. I begin to feel stabbing in my other arm and neck. More tattoos appeared. "Damn your looking good in your 30's, most guys I’ve seen let themselves go, by now." Silver said, not hiding the fact he was getting turned on.

My skin started to tan and finally an eight pack formed on my stomach. My body looked like what you might imagine an ancient gladiators body would look like. I was in the best shape my life. "So you are one of the it gets better with age guys, huh." Silver said, with a big smile on his face. He was really enjoying this.

The mist kept swirling, but my body only went through minor changes. A little more muscle gain and a pricking sensation as stubble appeared on my face. But, then I started to feel drained. I was more tried. My body felt heavier. It felt like more work to carry all this muscle. The steam cleared. I looked down at my body. I was insanely fit and hot and my body wasn't changing anymore. With a body like this, I had to still be in my late 30's, at the most. Confused, I asked "why am I still in my 30's ..." I stop, shocked by how old I sounded. Silver chimed in, "It would look like that, doesn't it." Silver smiles. "But you are now 55."

My heart beat fast in disbelief. Mr. Silver held up a mirror. Although my body looked strong, I still felt heavy. I slowly got up feeling pain in my lower back and knees. I made my way to the mirror. I looked at my reflection and saw an old face staring back. Wrinkles on my face and grey in my hair and stubble.

"It looks like you are in great shape ... but as an older man you are going have to live differently to keep that body tight. There will have to be diet changes and working out twice has hard and twice as much, compared to a man now half your age." Mr Silver smiled, checking out an analyzing the work he did to my body. I stumbled back to my seat, reality setting in. I'm an old man now. A hot Silver Fox, but still an old man. "What's going to happen. I can't go back home like this." I cried out.

"Your past is taken care of. To everyone you knew ... you are dead. A bus crush that should happen any moment, now. As for the future ... you are now a father. Your son is that young man over there, Ted Hutchinson. As per his contract, he has given you his life and all the wealth that comes along with it. You will continue to work in his company and make money. And, you will have time for fun too, so don't worry about having to work to much. After all, you have 10 more years until retirement is an option. Your new son will get to live like the rich kid he always wanted to be, instead of the self-made billionaire he had to be. And, once you die, you will leave everything to your son. Do we have an agreement?"

With tears in my eyes, I nodded. I didn't have choice. My whole life was gone. If I said no, I'd probably end up on the streets, with my parents not believing I'm really me and a lack of work experience to get a job. Who's going want to hire a 55 year old man with no work experience or proof of being a citizen.

My life was over. Not that it was great, so far. But, it was mine. I missed out on so many experiences. It seemed like my 20's, 30's and 40's were going to be great. But, now I would never know. I mean with how in shape I am in, I'd probably live into my 90's, assuming something else doesn't go wrong in my body, but now that is only 40 years away. Silver comes back and brings me the contract. I sign it.

My new son, Ted, walks in. I feel angry about what he did to me. "I'm lucky my new daddy is so hot" he says as he enters my chamber. He walks closer to me. His body less muscular than mine, but still hot. He starts feeling up my aged body. And, I start feeling his, my anger turning to lust. "Don't worry I'll take care of you dad" Ted said, removing my towel and exposing my old but still impressive cock. He bends down and starts sucking it. I moan in pleasure.

I could get use to this. I mean there's nothing I could do about it now. I might as well enjoy it ... while I'm still alive. Being a Silver Fox can have it’s benefits.

#male #body #swap #mischief #transformation #stories #tf #story #musle #age #theft #transfer #aging #de-aging

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sikereviewdotcom · 5 years

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strawberry shortcake s2 ep1 - horse of a different color

this one was suggested by someone who couldnt keep their mouth shut and not sing the strawberry shortcake intro theme in the middle of our economy class

no one wanted to hear that, but they went ahead and then i actually followed up on that train of thoughts i remembered about the fucking cartoons and i knew it pronto: its a must-see shit its like slightly above the level of magical school bus series, but the final rating is for the fin not the beginning so lets begin this horseshit:

were reviewing “horse of a different color”, it focuses indeed on strawberrys horse, honey pie pony (its her entire damn name, how sweet right? like all of them, i got diabete from this review but its the cost of maintaining this blog anyway, the kids are playing together on a that tree having fun jumping around like chimpanzees hooba hooba but sadly our filly quickly realizes she cant play king kong with them and keep falling on her ass,

yet since theyre all retarded or young (id say its a fifty-fifty case for them kinda normal ig, i mean they ARE literal 6yo) they try several ways of getting her up on that tree, not thinking how to get her down if they ever were to succeed (good for them: aint happening) its child labor too btw, from an horse still same deal what if honey pie fell down on them? crushing them corpses with her mighty pounds? the findus company would be delighted to hear such news, im sure its some quality (sweet ass) horse meat

once it all fails she understands a horse isnt meant to climb a tree, too big too fat its four legged, not even entertaining the relationship giraffes have with trees

but it aint over, then (after a talk with herself) hp hears the laughters of a bunch of kids which catches her attention, it always does who can ignore that sorta noise? although she aint annoyed by it shes just into the idea of riding a bike now, shes even gonna get a go at it oh yea thats it we finally found her human hobby gogdamn shes a backward furry

of course it fails aswell since she has no hand for the handle and shes heavy so i guess its the reason why she rides into w/e and cant stop? because otherwise she couldve also just.. actually it makes no sense does it? i mean she couldve easily stopped the ride actually how is that kid bike even holding her? ive never tried putting a pony on a bike for 6 y/o but i doubt about its capacity in not being crushed aswell as i doubt in the kids bones not being severely damaged after a visit under honey pies horsy buttcheeks

but all of that really makes her sad: she cant play with her human friends and shes the only horse around strawberry land or whatever see me tearing it for her, theres so much emotions in this episode especially after that filly trynna get kids to get into some horseplay horseshit like dude theyre only 6, lets go easy on them, might have a problem with the parents of the kids watching this episode no one even thought how fucked up this one part is? sure horseplay isnt only sexual or w/e but it still is the visual of 6yos on all four jumping around and neighing together with their ass a little bit too exposed wow im going on a dangerous road here? aint i? not gonna sue the writers im sure it was their subconscious speaking probably got issues from their childhood, eventually got them sorted out since 2004 what do i know? aside from me not caring

back on track : after seeing horsey being so sad the kiddos decide to get her a horse friend but where the fuck? they got no idea, they are proud nonetheless and go tell honey the good new until they are like “wait but we have no idea where to find horses!” ofc we get a big reveal, some serious strawberry shortcake lore: actually all the horses, ALL OF THEM FROM THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET are on one (1) single island: ice cream themed to diversify it all they are just chilling over there in ponyland and for some reason this one here got lost or idk guys she took the boat and checked the rest of the world out as an even younger filly, found strawberry and her friends and decided now she was a centaur slash humanrry furry human, idk you get it but shes their friend and so on to introduce the concept of an AWESOME island full of equestrian activity and ofc ice cream but its kinda lame because who cares? everythings already made out of food, also why isnt the ice cream melting? its one water? nevermind for the introduction as i was saying, hp sings an horrendous sounding song it deteriorated my ear drums they got pierced or something or maybe im exagerrating? either case horses cant sing:

so to the ice cream land they go, huh

of course it wouldnt be a big adventure without an almost broken bridge oh no whatever shall we do? could we possibly cross it safely? lets try it out guys: yay it worked good for us little stress and suspense it was wack how they got honey pie out of the hole her big ass hoove made im mesmerized by the power of friendship and sugar at this point, just in full awe for the rest of the episode probably over dosed on all the ice cream flavoured horseshit, i got some all over my mouth its dripping on my desk i gotta clean that later

next thing we know: horses its all this episode is about (aside from labor) but you see, so far hp would switch between normal human language and neighing well turns out her other fellow equines can only neigh and so they just neigh together while our english well-spoken mammal translates to the moronic kids who just smile smuggly

of course the animals are having a welcome party then, dancing around while the morons are just bored, harsh one being a cartoon character isnt it guys? w/e theyre gonna ask for honey pie to come back home now, convinced that her natural habit isnt her place and she loves them too much to just leave them and never come back and break any plans they ever had together- oh shit looks like shes leaving forever huh? what a plot twist mark that on the bitch quota for today

the first one to leave is the little boy btw, important thing to note: hes the biggest pussy he cant even face reality: oh no, no more pony back time before sleep thats quite a bummer, downer and man how are they going to survive now they got no animal to watch over them? jesus theyre soon, on the boat (idk where they got it from idk why suddenly theyre on a boat because then theyre once again gonna cross that bridge but ok) anyway yea theyre having a relationship crisis during that ship trip yada yada ah and the bridge, because (see i do not call them morons for now reasons obviously they deserve this title not only because theyre 6 but also because they are just daft:) they proceed, once in the middle of the bridge all 4 of them, to stop and wonder

“will the bridge be able to hold all of us? wont it break? damn i wonder if it will crack” and they talks without moving until vlam: a tree comes and breaks it (dont ask) so now theyre in trouble:

back to ponyland: bitch pie realizes how much she misses her actual friends and that she can speak english which her other horse friends cant do so she is special and probably abnormal, shes a big outcat of the pony society and has no other reason but to escape her incoming death sentence for fraternizing with the humans of course none of the second part is true, she just wants to see the kids again so she says asta la vista baby to the neigher team and runs away see, she hasnt taken the boat and yet also arrive to the bridge? why a boat sequence then? i will skip this for now but it WILL play in the rating, imagine im the parent of the youngster watching this crap and i have to endure it

if it sucks this bad and is this illogical i might just get bored and change the channel, idc my progeny aint gonna be watching this in either case, ill make them watch political debates then interrogate them on what they learned after what but it wasnt actual political debates just random furry youtuber venting with their fursona sprites animated and thats how you make your kids retarded, the kick of this joke is that i aint planning on getting any kids but totally gonna make them watch classics too such as the attack of the killer donuts as soon as they reach 6 so they wont be dumb and probably not getting diabete or w/e in their adulthood

then honey pie saves the kids btw all of them, heavy shit

and they all go back to strawberryland, happily after a big “wow i missed you sm, you are my real friends w/e if you dont look like me i aint speciest guys really!” theyre all vegan too btw so this works for them i havent watched enough strawberry shortcake episodes to know if they ever eat meat but i have doubts seeing how theyre into a very cannibalistic diet which include eating dessert when obviously thats what they are at least half part, this cartoon raises a lot of political questions it may have a deeper value than i first attributed to it

the end: another terrible song plays about horseshit and how tasty it is

thats all folks

so the rating: big 6/10, so you know 5/10 if its a decent kid show where im highly eager to click on the x and get back making jams but nah

surprisingly enough, i only wanted to stop watching half of the episode and not the entirity of it so credits for thats since im an adult and not a kid, imagining kids enjoyed this sweet childish cartooness or w/e now why +1? its because of how many political questions it raised, how it made me think about our society and cakes yknow its more than kids having a conflict with an horse it talks about veganism, specism, handicap, cannibalism, the management of the limited ressources were exploiting and so on yea really makes you think, its subliminal messages to make kids smarter: they watch their dessert-imbecile counterparts doing bs and then get it right irl: good ah- it also makes it better for you when youre watching this with your kid, you suddenly transcend to another level of spirituality, existential crisis activated or at least reasoning mode or w/e youre willing to name this the point is you arent bored still despite all of this i rated it quite low for such a serious kid cartoon what couldve possibly made me tic? 1) kids are morons and cant understand all of this, not clear enough for the targeted public 2) projection onto the characters/dialogues from the writers of their childhood traumas (the horse play event didnt go unnoticed, karren brown) 3) my little pony ripoff 4) its controversial, our society, especially in 2004 couldnt understand the depth of this shit and finally 5) i got so much ice cream flavoured horseshit all over my desk god help me this is so filthy what a fucking mess i would totally recommand it to anyone who feels like being blown away by the statements made in this work of art 6/10 but really we all know in the future, itll be a 9/10, some ahead-of-its-time-crap

tg, out

#strawberry shortcake #cartoon review #cartoons #sike reviews #child labor #pony labor #art #classic #diabete fuel #reviews

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crazy-little-cool-cat · 5 years

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Hand in Glove - Chapter 23 | Ben Hardy x OFC

A/N: SURPRISE, BETCHES! Nope, you’re not dreaming. This is real life. It’s not just fantasy. You’re definitely going to be caught in a landslide, though. After four months of silence, my writing juices are a-flowing and the shitstorms and clusterfucks are abundant. Hey, mystery anon. This one’s for you.

Warnings: clusterfucks. Also some mild smut. Mostly implied, nothing too graphic. Just how I like it.

Word Count: You really don’t wanna know.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14 , Chapter 15 , Chapter 16 , Chapter 17 , Chapter 18 , Chapter 19 , Chapter 20 , Chapter 21 , Chapter 22

Ben sighed as he placed his phone on the nightstand after looking at the time for what felt like the fifth time since Annie had dozed off. He sighed and blamed his inability to sleep on jetlag, excitement and not wanting to miss a millisecond of being home.

He turned on his other side, propping his head on his hand. Sprawled on her back, Annie’s half-covered figure seemed to glow as the sun dawned. As gently as he could, he brushed a few stray locks of hair from her face, running his fingers through the silky strands. Annie stirred with a smile.

“Good morning.” She purred lazily, her eyes still closed.

“Morning.”

“Did you get any sleep?” Annie’s eyes fluttered open. Turquoise staring into emerald-green.

“Not really.” Ben cupped Annie’s cheek in his hand and pressed a lingering kiss to her lips. “Christ, I’ve even missed your morning breath.”

“Wow.” Annie scoffed. “And they say romance is dead.”

“Shut up.” Ben kissed Annie again, deeper this time. “You’re not one for romance, anyways.”

“True.” Annie smirked. Ben started to roll away, out of bed, but stopped when Annie grabbed his wrist. “Where’re you going?”

“I have to take a piss, Annie.” Ben leaned down for one more kiss. “Am I allowed?” Annie pretended to mull it over in her head, tapping her lips as she pondered. “Right, then!”

“No!” Annie whined at Ben’s receding back. “Come back.”

She watched him walk away. Every muscle in his body even more defined than it was when he left. His back, his shoulders, his bum. She got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom’s closed door, waiting to hear the flush. When she did, she dropped on her knees and waited, sitting back on her heels.

Ben opened the door after washing his hands and almost stepped on her.

“What are you doing?” He raised a curious eyebrow.

“My personal trainer said I need more protein in my diet.” Annie smiled up at him, doe-eyed.

“Oh?” Ben’s jetlagged and fucked-out brain had trouble picking up on the implication. “Oh!”

“Mhm.” Annie said, getting up from her heels and wrapping her arm around Ben’s hardening cock. “It is time for breakfast, and all…”

Ben braced himself against the door-frame, arms and legs locking him into place. He looked down at Annie and bit his bottom lip. As if on cue, Annie wrapped her lips around him, making him moan.

###

“What?” Annie barked tiredly into the phone. “What?”

“First of all, it’s great to know you’ve successfully separated yourself from Ben’s dick.” Clara sassed. “Second of all, we’re having brunch. Then, and only then, we’ll release Rory back into the wilderness.”

“Do you know what time it is?!” Annie hissed, careful not to wake up Ben after he finally fell asleep.

“Yes. Do you know what your baby thinks of the time?” Clara retorted.

“Hm.”

“Exactly. So, brunch. Us, Rami and Lucy, Joe.”

“Why can’t it be lunch?” Annie grumbled. “Like normal, unpretentious people.”

“Because we’re starving.”

“So eat something!”

“Annie, Rory woke us up at the crack of dawn! And during the night!”

“We woke up at the crack of dawn and during the night too! You don’t hear us moaning about it!”

“I’m sure the screams coming from you and the screams coming from Rory were very, very different, Annabelle.”

“You were the ones who wanted to take her so desperately!”

“Because she’s too young to be exposed to whatever crazy monkey sex you and Ben are into.”

“Oh, sit on a stick.”

“That the best you could come up with?” Clara chuckled. “He really fucked you silly, eh?”

“Can you please just -” Annie paused when she felt Ben stir and press up against her back.

“Banana?”

“I’m going to have to call you back.”

“What?”

“Something just came up.”

“Tell Ben about brunch!”

“Tell him yourself!” Annie giggled and put Clara on speaker phone. “You’re on speaker.”

“Benjamin?”

“Yes?”

“Can you extract your penis from my best friend for a hot minute?”

“No.”

“Fine. This is nasty, you know. You two should be ashamed of yourselves.”

“You’re the one listening in on this.” Annie lilted. “Shame’s exclusively on you, you plum.”

“Fine.” Clara groaned. “Listen up, hornies!” Her voice shifted from the sugary sweet tone it usually carried to surprisingly assertive. “Gwilym’s flat. One o’clock. Your husband is very excited to see you, Ben. Don’t let him down.”

Clara ended the call muttering profanities as Ben and Annie started off another round.

###

“Where is my baby?” Ben basically kicked the door to Gwilym’s flat down. “Give me my Aurora or die!”

“Jesus, Ben!” Clara panted, clutching on to her chest, “can you not do that?”

“Give. Me. My. Baby.”

“She’s right here!” Lucy popped up from the floor, where she, Rory and Rami played. “Oh wow, look at you! Dashing!”

“Rami, remember, no Peek-a-boo!” Annie called, squeezing her way in around Ben. “Not everyone can handle the eyes!”

“Lovely to see you again, Annabelle.” Rami replied sweetly, then looked down at Rory. “Your mother is such a bitch sometimes, isn’t she?” he cooed.

“Just protecting my child from any future trauma, Mr. Roboto.” Annie said walking over to him. “I happen to love the eyes, anyways.”

“Aw.” Rami smiled as Annie crouched down next to him, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “Hi lovie!”

Rory squealed at the sight of her mum.

“Where’s Gwil?” Ben asked. Rory tried to follow his voice with her eyes, but she couldn’t see him from where she was sitting. Ben tiptoed towards the sofa and lunged forward. “Boo!”

“Well, she speaks dolphin.” Rami mused after Rory’s excited screeching subsided. “How does she even do that?”

“I suspect Roger Taylor.” Ben walked around the sofa and knelt down next to his daughter. “Wanna come to me?”

Rory waved her hands and babbled. Ben smiled warmly as he picked his daughter up from the floor.

The front door flew open, revealing Joe standing with his hands on his hips, pretending to be superman.

“I have arrived!”

“Yes. The entire building can tell.” Rami rolled his eyes.

###

“This is awkward.”

Lucy, Annie, Rami and Clara exchanged nervous glances.

“I didn’t mean anything by it, you know.” Clara put her hand on top of Joe’s. “I was just making a joke.”

“The hell you were!” Gwilym snapped. “Ben and I are basically a married couple.”

“Uh, the duck you are!” Joe dropped his fork. “I’m Ben’s husband. Everybody knows. An entire production team knows!”

“You bellends are fighting over my boyfriend.” Annie chimed in. “That’s really weird.”

“Better fight over him than over you than have him fight me over you…” Joe muttered.

“What was that?” Annie challenged.

“I said that’s it’s better if Gwil and I fight over him than having to fight Ben over you.”

“What… the fuck?” Rami looked as if he was watching a tennis match before Gwilym smacked him gently on the back of his head for using foul language. “Sorry! Sorry! What the duck?”

“What, you don’t know?” Joe smiled devilishly. “Since we’ve turned this into an Italian let’s-air-out-our-dirty-laundry-over-food thing…”

“Joseph, no.” Gwilym, Ben and Annie said simultaneously.

“Joseph, please continue.” Lucy said and wiped her fingers on her napkin. “We’re all ears.”

“You’re keeping secrets from me?” Rami was baffled. “Wow. Just… wow.”

“Oh, for crying out loud, it’s not that deep, alright?” Clara groaned. “Joe and Annie got drunk and almost kissed, as Joe and Annie usually do. End of story.”

“Again?!” Rami and Lucy choired.

“Seriously, dude, what the fu-” Rami stopped himself when Annie glared at him, “-duck?!”

“I don’t know, okay? She’s all over me!” Joe raised his hands in defeat. “I can’t really blame her, can’t I?”

“What?” Annie scoffed and took a sip of her water.

“Did I stutter?”

“No, I just couldn’t hear you while you dumped garbage out of your mouth there, for a second.” Annie replied calmly.

“Really, though, you two need to stop.” Rami pointed at the two. “This is not normal.”

“He burped right in my face.”

“That’s disgusting, Joey!” Lucy cringed.

“I could practically taste it.” Annie carried on.

“Ben? Would you like to comment?”

“No, I’m good.” Ben said and took another mouthful of food into his mouth with one hand, while feeding Rory with the other. “When did you guys get a high-chair?”

“Don’t change the subject, Benny.” Lucy quipped.

“We got one second-hand because we figured Annie and Rory will be spending some time here once we’re gone on tour.”

“Oh.”

“You know what needs to happen?” Lucy wondered aloud, swirling her wine in her glass. “You two need to just kiss and get it over and done with.”

“What?!” Annie and Joe’s voices climbed in pitch.

“How much wine did you have?” Clara’s eyebrows were so high, they merged with her hairline. “What is happening?”

“Wait, hold on.” Ben froze. “That’s actually not the worst idea.”

“What?!” Annie and Joe’s voices climbed even higher.

“Look, Rory, they speak dolphin too!” Rami joked.

“Seriously,” Lucy continued, “just kiss.”

“She lost her mind.” Annie looked at Ben, wide-eyed.

“But did she really?” Ben tilted his head. “It will take the mystery out of the equation, in a way.”

“Bloody hell.” Gwilym breathed. “They’re right.”

“Huh!?”

“Look, you two clearly want to know what kissing the other will be like.” Ben stated. “So, if you two will just go ahead and bloody do it, the tension will break.”

“I’m not kissing your husband, Ben!” Annie hissed.

“Hey!” Gwilym snapped while Joe sat with a shit-eating grin on his face for being referred to as ‘Ben’s husband’ in front of his competitor.

“Why not?” Ben shrugged.

“Wait, you’re serious?” Joe leaned forward, wide-eyed. “Ben, buddy, you’ve clearly fucked yourself insane.”

“No, I mean it.” Ben leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms. “Do it. Kiss.”

“What, now?!”

“Yeah. Go on.” Ben nodded. “Do it.”

“Ben…” Annie started.

“Shut up and kiss my best mate, damn it.” Ben slammed his fist on the table. “It’s not like I’m asking you to kiss your cousin.”

“Gross.” Gwilym shuddered.

“Exactly.” Ben shrugged. “Come on. You wanted to do it a few days ago.”

“I was drunk!” Annie said, horrified. “Ben, you can’t be serious.”

“Oh, but I am.”

“Guys? Anyone? A little help here?” Annie pleaded. The table was silent. “Wow. Thanks.”

“Wait, so you only want to kiss me when you’re drunk?” Joe seemed to snap out of a daydream. “That’s just mean!”

“Are you saying you want to kiss me when you’re sober?” Annie challenged him. Ben bounced his knee as he waiting for an answer.

“About as much as I’d like to French Frankie after she licked her butthole.” Joe bit the inside of his cheek. “I mean, Annie’s great, but -”

“Say no more.” Ben said and got up.

“Where’s he going?”

“Oh God, did we upset him?”

“You blithering idiots!”

“Fucking hell.” Gwilym pinched the bridge of his nose. “Annie, if you say one word about using profanities around Rory, so help me God -”

“There you go!” Ben returned with two shot glasses and a bottle of vodka. “Drink up.”

###

“How are you two feeling?” Ben’s voice was exceptionally low as he lulled Annie and Joe into submission, “wanna kiss yet?”

With one arm wrapped around Joe and the other around Annie, Ben was all but a puppet master. Rory sat on Clara’s lap, nodding off, completely oblivious to the shitstorm around her.

“You’re pimping us out.” Joe slurred.

“You’re absolutely right, I am.” Ben started to close his arms, bringing the two together. “Dance, monkeys.”

“When did he become so evil?” Gwilym asked.

“Hollywood will do that to you.” Rami shrugged. “Shit happens.”

“Language!” Annie’s head snapped to look at Rami.

“She’s not drunk enough.” Lucy groaned. “And he’s getting too drunk.”

“Right, we need a plan, here.” Ben released the two. “Right, Annie, love, let’s have another drink?”

“Why just her?!” Joe whined.

“Oh, stop bleating!” Annie sighed.

“Because Rory wants to play with her favourite uncle, is why.” Lucy intervened.

“Oh, my Josephine.”

“That’s not her name.” Annie snapped.

“She’s not yours.” Ben added.

“Eh, shut your pie holes.” Joe stumbled over to where Clara sat and plopped down on the floor. “Hey, Josie.”

“Ben, he keeps doing that!” Annie pouted while Ben poured her another drink. “What, you’re not getting one?”

“I need to drive us home, my love.”

“I can drive you.” Gwil quipped.

“And then how will you get home?” Annie looked at her cousin as if he spoke in tongues.

“Clara will pick me up.”

“I will?” Clara asked as she stood up to put Rory down for a nap.

“Look, we’re doing this, alright?” Ben looked around the room. “Team effort.”

“They’ll end up having a three-way.” Clara warned, walking away.

###

Annie sat on Ben’s lap, staring at him with a goofy smile. Her cheeks had a drunken, rosy tint to them, her eyes glazed and shiny. While she had seven shots of vodka and Joe had five, Ben had two. He had something to prove here, and he wasn’t going to let Annie get him drunk enough to forget about it. His fears were uncalled for, however. Annie was clearly blitzed at that point and would do anything he asked her to.

The group played a long, tiresome game of truth or dare to distract Joe and Annie from what the endgame was. During said game, almost everybody chose a dare, and they had to get creative. Rami had to change a poopy diaper, Gwilym tasted baby food, Lucy taught Ben how to pout like her, making Annie take more shots or glasses of wine, and this was just the tip of the iceberg.

“Banana, your turn.” Clara smiled deviously. “Truth or dare?”

��Truth.”

“Hm. Not what I expected she’d say.” Clara looked like a deer in the headlights as she tried to come up with something. Anything. “Okay. Do you want more babies?”

“I want to have all the babies!” Annie declared, spreading her arms like wings. “All the cute little Ben babies.”

“We are the champions, my friends!” Ben started wailing, seemingly out of nowhere. “She is officially wasted!”

“Finally!” Lucy’s fist shot up in the air. “My God, she’s like a sailor!”

“Who’s turn is it?” Joe mumbled drunkenly.

“Yours.” Ben zeroed in on him. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare, duh.”

“I dare you to kiss Annie.” Ben said coolly. “A proper snog, please.”

Joe looked Ben in the eyes, waiting for him to say he’s just joking.

“You want me to make out with your wife?”

“Yes, please.”

“We’re not married.” Annie huffed.

“Irrelevant and even better.” Ben grinned. “Nothing to feel guilty about.”

“Hm.”

“You really want us to do this?” Joe asked.

“Yup.”

“And you won’t punch me in the face or get a divorce or -”

“We’re not married!”

“Your face is safe.” Ben reassured.

“Right. Okay.” Joe nodded to himself. He stood up and stretched his neck. “C’mere, Annie.”

“Ben?” Annie looked at him pleadingly. “Are you sure?”

“Go ahead.” He leaned in to kiss Annie. “I trust you.”

“So, how do we do this?” Annie turned to Joe.

“Well, come here.” Joe said. With a small push from Ben, Annie was on her wobbly feet and walking towards Joe. “Come on.”

Annie looked like Bambi first learning how to walk. She apprehensively approached Joe. He took her hand and pulled her to him.

The rest felt like they were watching a movie. The room fell silent. Rory was fast asleep in Gwilym’s bedroom. The only sound was the slow humdrum of the music Gwilym had playing in the background.

Annie slammed right into Joe’s chest, giggling. They started swaying to the music. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer.

“Are they dancing?” Clara sneered. “They’re bloody dancing!”

“Shhh!” Gwilym silenced her. “This is how he does it.”

“What?”

“Just be quiet and watch.”

With his finger hooked under her chin, Joe tilted her face up. They bumped noses and chuckled. Brushing his lips over hers, he cupped her face in both his hands and kissed her.

“Proper snog.” Ben muttered after he cleared his throat, watching his best friend cowardly kiss his girlfriend.

Joe rolled his eyes and went for it. He poked his tongue out and licked Annie’s lips, parting them. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him closer. As they kissed, Annie nibbled on his bottom lip gently. After a few minutes, Joe pulled away, frowning.

“For the love of all that is holy in this world, Annie, stop trying to bite my lip off will you!?”

“Well if you used a little bit more tongue, I wouldn’t have to do that!” Annie snapped back. “Honestly, this is not what I -”

Annie’s rant was cut short by Joe’s lips, kissing her with more fervour. They pulled away slowly, both frowning this time. They took a step back and stared at each other, disgusted confusion flashing in their eyes. Joe covered his mouth with his hand, turning his face away. Annie almost gagged.

“Well?”

“That was, by far, the worst kiss I’ve ever had.” Annie said, pointing at Joe.

“Christ, I felt like I’m either kissing a crocodile or an eel.”

“And there you have it, folks!” Lucy bowed victoriously.

###

“Why the fuck would you do that to me?!” Annie slammed the cupboard angrily after Ben had put Rory to sleep for the night.

Since they got home, they haven’t said a single word about Joe and Annie’s kiss. Meanwhile, Annie sobered up enough to let the reality of what happened sink in. She kissed Joe and hated it.

“Do what?” Ben feigned innocence.

“You know what you did.” Annie downed her glass of water.

“Because I love you, that’s why.” Ben sighed. “So you didn’t like the kiss, then?”

“No, I didn’t bloody like it!” She slammed the glass on the countertop. “Ben, why? Why would you do this?”

“It needed to happen.”

“I could never look him in the eye again, knowing what a horrid kisser he is!”

“Funny, he texted the same thing about you just a few minutes ago.”

“You’re an arse.”

“No, I’m a bloody genius, is what I am.” Ben puffed his chest. “Should’ve had you do that ages ago.”

“Are you joking?” Annie laughed in disbelief.

“Oh, not at all.” Ben gloated.

Annie turned around to wash the dishes and give Ben the silent treatment. Her attempts were futile. He came up behind her and engulfed her in his arms, nibbling on the shell of her ear. He could feel Annie’s breathing pick up and bent his knees, moving down to her neck. His hands slid down her sides, working their way to the waistband of her jeans.

“What are you doing?”

“Celebrating.”

“What, exactly?”

“Well, you see,” his warm breath washed over her ear, raising goosebumps all over her, “the thing is, I love the fact that you don’t want Joe.”

“I told you a million times…”

“Yes, but now I know for sure. You don’t want anyone else…” He reached over to shut the water off, “… but me.”

#########

TAGLIST: @ramibaby @xgoingdownx @qweenly @violetpond @sweeterthancheese @drummerqueenrmt @westansstuff @justgivemethekeys @blondecarfucker @cheeseedreams47 @rogerspoison @deacy-dearest @pinkmarvel @onceuponadetectivedemigod

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 5 years

Text

Psycho Analysis: The Sanderson Sisters

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Ah, Hocus Pocus, everyone’s favorite campy Halloween cult classic. Objectively speaking, the movie is probably no better than a made-for-TV cheesy 90s Disney movie – and funnily enough, this film’s director would go on to make plenty more of those, seeing as he would do the High School Musical movies and The Descendants – as it has all the hokey writing, late 80s/early 90s cliches you’d expect, and some truly boring main characters.

But, thankfully, it has three of the most charismatic women you could imagine camping it up and firmly cementing their status as Halloween icons for all time: The Sanderson sisters, Winifred, Sarah, and Mary. These three are the reason this movie is held so near and dear to people’s hearts, and frankly, without them this movie would just plain suck. With them, it still sucks, but in a fun way, elevating it beyond “so bad it’s good” and into the realm of endearing camp alongside such masterpieces as Venom.

But enough of all this; just like when you’re watching the movie, you’re here for the girls, so let’s talk about them.

Actor: The leader of the bunch is Winifred, and she is played by Bette Midler. Bette Midler has called this her favorite role ever, and seeing how she acts in this, it really shows. A running theme with these three is that they just absolutely ham it up, and Bette Midler goes above and beyond with Winifred – she’s not just a ham, she’s the whole damn hog. In fact, in a lot of ways, she hogs the spotlight, what with her hamminess being so magnetic and the fact that she is clearly the brains of the operation. But that’s not to say the others are bad.

Sarah Jessica Parker plays… Sarah. Funny how that worked out. She is the hot and dumb one, and boy oh boy does she play that role to perfection, though of course she does manage to be creepy and sinister when the scene calls for it – that song of hers has become iconic for a reason.

Finally we come to Mary, played by none other than Peggy Hill herself, Kathy Najimy. Najimy does a great job, she plays her role well, but out of the three I feel like she has the most trouble standing out. Which isn’t to say she’s bad, far from it – she doesn’t have the bombastic personality of Winifred nor the complete ditziness of Sarah.

Here’s the thing, though: if any of these three weren’t here, or weren’t portrayed by these specific actresses, they’d fall apart, the movie would fall apart, game over man, game over! The film only works because these three have such great chemistry, such great interactions, and such great weirdness to them that if even one of them were gone or they just weren’t in synch, things would be a lot less fun.

Motivation/Goals: Like most evil witches in fiction, these three want children, specifically so that they can drain their vitality with a magic potion so that they can be young and powerful forever. This gets them hanged 300 years before the main story starts, and when they come back, they reuse this goal with a bit more urgency: they now need to drain the vitality from children before the sun rises and turns them to dust, as their resurrection is set to only last a single night otherwise. Frankly, the fact that their goal is killing and sucking the life out of children is the only thing that’s keeping the audience from rooting for them, because the actual protagonists of this film are so unremarkable and cliché that it’s pretty hard to want to see them stop the funny and charismatic witches,

Personality: Winifred is clearly the one who got all the brains, which makes sense as she is the leader. She’s a lot quicker on the uptake and realizes things more quickly than her ditzier sisters, as well as a lot more proactive and pragmatic in general. She does the spellcasting, she brews the potions, she just inhabits the role of leader naturally. It helps that of the three she has the most outwardly intimidating presence.

Mary is the middle child, and her personality is somewhere between the two sisters: she’s ditzy, but not to Sarah’s level, and she’s got some common sense and wits, but definitely not on Winifred’s level. This is kind of why I said she has a hard time sticking out personality-wise before, as she’s the epitome of the awkward middle child. However, she does excel at her role as a predatory child tracker, able to sniff out their victims with ease. It’s also implied, but not outright stated, that she’s a much bigger eater than her sisters; she is noticeably chunkier than the others, after all. And considering their diet… it’s definitely not a good idea to undersell that Mary is definitely a wicked witch.

Then we come to Sarah, who is an absolute ditz and the epitome of a dumb blonde… and yet, she is also one of the most dangerous, as she has a sort of siren-like power to draw children to her with her singing. In fact, while she does come off as a ditzy goofball for the most part, her interactions with children paint a rather… uncomfortable picture, one that reveals her true nature.

I think it’s worth noting that despite how ditzy both Mary and Sarah are, both of them also have the common sense to point out to Winifred that, when Sarah has called numerous children to their house, they really don’t need to bother with the protagonists anymore. In this moment, Winifred decides to reject common sense and go after them because one of the heroes called her ugly. It sort of highlights just how petty and irrational Winifred can be, and how despite her disdain for her sisters, she’s really not so different from them in the end. It’s also worth noting that Mary and Sarah, while clearly evil due to their association with Winifred, are actually pretty nice and mostly harmless otherwise, to the point where you could make a case that without Winifred around, they’d probably not be villains at all.

But if that were the case, we wouldn’t have a movie, and then we wouldn’t be here, huh?

Final Fate: Of course these three fail to suck out any vitality by sunrise, with Winifred’s stupid little vendetta damning her and her sisters. The rays of the sun turn Winifred to a statue and cause Sarah and Mary to explode, with Mary even getting a moment to wave goodbye in resigned sadness as she bursts into a dust cloud. After her sisters are gone, Winifred’s statue explodes spectacularly.

Best Scene: I don’t think there’s really anything that comes close to the sister’s spellbinding performance of “I Put a Spell On You,” at least in regards to all three of them together. I mean, if you get a singer like Bette Midler to star as a villain in your movie, why would you not have her sing? Only a complete hack who doesn’t know how to properly utilize actors would waste a singer in a role where they don’t sing.

The thing is, these three are together all the time, so there’s not much room for individual moments for them to shine otherwise… or there wouldn’t be, if they didn’t showcase Sarah’s absolutely terrifying power, leading her number “Come Little Children” to being her standout moment, and the moment that really drives home the incredibly uncomfortable undertones she exudes.

Best Quote: I think Winifred gets the best quote in the whole movie, which occurs when her zombified ex Billy Butcherson (played by Doug Jones, who you may remember for his critically acclaimed role as Mac Tonight in the McDonald’s ads). Billy tells her to go to hell, and she retorts with: “Oh! I've been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely.”

Sarah, of course, has her villain song: “Come little children, I'll take thee away / Into a land of enchantment / Come little children, the times come to play / Here in my garden of magic.”

And, unfortunately, in this regard I think Mary gets the shaft. Despite her definitely being funny and entertaining, she just doesn’t have the same level of standout quotes as her sisters.

Final Thoughts & Score: So as I was writing this, I was thinking of what their score could possibly be. I thought I’d probably have to lower their score, because aside from them, this movie is just corny early 90s cheese… but then I thought, what’s wrong with that? And why should these three suffer a lower score due to the rest of the movie’s failings? That isn’t their fault. Hell, these three are the reason to watch the movie. If anything, the movie’s failings are drowned out by just how charismatic and enjoyable they are to watch.

Much like their fellow child-hating hag the Grand High Witch, the Sanderson sisters are blessed with fun, funny, charismatic actors who aren’t afraid to ham things up and know just what kind of move they’re in and absolutely revel in it. They saw they were playing three stereotypical fairy tale witches and decided to have a blast with it, and in doing so they managed to transform an otherwise corny Disney film into the Halloween legend that this film is. I wouldn’t say these three are particularly deep or complex, but they have a very fun dynamic and add a lot of spice to an otherwise bland plot. Between them and Doug Jones, they give you a lot of reasons to come back and watch this film over and over.

Obviously, these three are getting a 9/10, only held back from a perfect score because yes, sometimes the camp can be a bit much, even for me. But I’m just not heterosexual enough to give these three ladies anything lower. I still have to unfortunately say Mary is the weak link here, but it’s only comparatively speaking, and I’d probably bump these three down to a 7 if she wasn’t here. I really can’t stress enough that there dynamic is so utterly important that even one of them not being there would spoil things. They just don’t make evil trios like this anymore.

#Psycho Analysis #The Sanderson Sisters #Winifred Sanderson #Bette Midler #Mary Sanderson #Kathy Najimy #Sarah Sanderson #Sarah Jessica Parker #Hocus Pocus #Disney

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x22wg · 5 years

Text

Shore Leave (part 10)

Fresh from the gym, Michael Burnham stepped out of the shower with a soft moan of contentment from the warmth still lingering on her skin. Catching a glimpse of her profile in the mirror gave her pause, unable to look away. It still felt unfamiliar and strange to see herself like this. Such curves and just... so much of them. Michael found herself mesmerized by how the roundness of her belly curved into plump lovehandles, studying every crease and burgeoning roll with detached curiosity.

Touching her chubby cheek, Michael could not help but smile. While it felt like she barely recognized herself... when she had come face to face with the "Red Angel" down on Essof IV, her mother had known who she was right away.

Finishing drying her hair, Michael laughed at the absurdity of it all: She had nearly died trying to lure herself back from the future, only to learn that not only was her mother alive but a time traveller. And somehow she had decided what was most shocking about the whole thing was her mother seeing through a bit of extra chub. Perhaps that asphyxiation had killed off a few brain cells and Dr. Culber just didn't want to admit it.

"At least this helped against the temperature fluctuations." Michael patted her chunky flank and remarked wryly: "I suppose Georgiou wasn't lying about 'protecting me'..."

Burnham's hand moved to the front of her potbelly, relieved to see that she was making progress reversing the effects of the Emperor's "care". Sliding her hand up an invisible ruler she confirmed that her belly probably didn't stick out further than her – admittedly significantly fuller – breasts.

Her confidence surged, convinced that her efforts were paying off: Going to the gym. Carefully monitoring her nutrition intake. Being away from Tilly...

...Michael slumped, her confidence evaporated in an instant. Heaving a sigh she slouched down onto a bench. Lovehandles quivered with the impact as her belly pooled onto sprawling thighs. It let her stew in her lonesome misery for but a short while before she was called to action by a hungry growl.

Burnham knew better than tempt fate by starving herself and quickly finished up to make her way to the mess hall. Silently she imagined a carefully selected list of nutritious dishes. More vocally she groaned at the mental blandness. No wonder Tilly thought she was too serious and dull.

Michael shook her head as she walked down the corridor: What Tilly thought of her was the last–

"Oh. Hi there." Stopping a few meters away, Tilly shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other and held up a tentative palm by way of greeting. Her elusive gaze flitted to Burnham's damp hair: "Fresh from the gym, huh? Been working out? I thought we were going togeth– oh never mind! Gotta stick to the regimen, right? Get swole. Rawr!" For emphasis, Tilly flexed her arm and felt her own veiled bicep. "...haha..."

Awkwardly stroking her own arm, Burnham was grateful for the redhead's defensive blathering: her attempt to fill the awkward silence between them. "Yeah..." she said eventually, failing miserably to affect a carefree air: "I just popped by for a bit..."

"Uhh-huh."

She wasn't fooling anyone. She was every bit as uptight as Tilly thought she was. "Uh... I better go..."

"Yeah, I was just... uh.. heading to the lab."

"Right..." Burnham made a hasty retreat before she ended up making things even worse by blurting out what she was having for breakfast. A strictly regimented platoon of lentils, spinach, beans and– a final glimpse of Tilly's copper locks caught Michael's eye before she disappeared around a corner. Instantly the list in her mind evaporated and she stomped into the mess hall with frantic determination. She snatched up a tray and slammed it down in front of the replicator: "Cheeseburgers. Plural," she said tersely. "Add fries..." Michael paused for a moment. "...and chocolate fudge cake."

"Is this really necessary?"

Initially, Burnham had been quite willing to break from her daily routine to check in with Stamets in Engineering. After all, she was the one who would have to use the time suit they were attempting to synthesize. Not to mention, in a way, seeing the suit take shape brought her just that little bit closer to her mother. It was a small comfort in place of the emotional solace she craved in the wake of her mother's sudden, but devastatingly short, reappearance. Michael knew she had not left her willingly, but still it felt like rejection. Just like she herself had been rejecting her only other source of that comfort which she craved...

What Burnham was less enthused by was being met by Stamets, Jett Reno... and a measuring drone. "I thought this was about the suit?"

"It is," Stamets assured her, before adding rather more awkwardly – with an attempt at a reassuring smile to match: "It's just a precaution."

"You already have the schematics–"

Utterly unwilling to pull any punches as usual, Reno activated the drone's hover-mode to interrupt Burnham: "What my esteemed colleague here's trying to say is: we're dealing with a piece of kit more advanced than we – especially he – can fathom. It's not a prom dress we can take in and let out on a whim."

"It will fit," Michael said firmly. Saru had seen the Red Angel – seen her – on Keminar. Wearing the time suit. Ostensibly no heftier than her mother, on whose schematics the suit would be based.

"She has a point..." Stamets glanced over at Reno. Mischievousness tugged at the corner of his eye, eager to contradict his colleague for that jab she had just directed at him. "Any adjustments we make to the design now will be obsolete if Commander Burnham loses more weight."

Reno considered the matter for a moment before offering her begrudging acquiescence. She disabled the measuring drone as if to tell Burnham she was dismissed and said inscrutably: "...or gains it all back..."

"...and then she was like 'yeah?'" Tilly leaned forward, abandoning her malevolently nonchalant Georgiou impression to get her companions' attention by tapping Detmer's soufflé with her spoon: "That woman's a total psycho."

Seeing Owosekun and Detmer pause opposite her, Tilly realized what she had done and gently stroked the offended dessert as if to make it better: "Whoops..."

When this didn't seem to allay their concern, an apprehensive grimace spread across Tilly's face: "Shoot. She's behind me, isn't she..."

Turning warily, she breathed a sigh of relief that was quickly replaced by absolute bewilderment.

"Is this seat taken?" Michael asked evenly. The three women just looked at her like a stranger – which, to be fair, for the last couple weeks she had been at mealtimes. Then their eyes fixated upon her food tray as she sat down: filled almost to the brim with extra dessert.

"Oh... wow..." Tilly exclaimed shakily, the look on her face saying "who are you and what have you done with Michael Burnham?"

"Anyone want some cake?" Michael affected her most winning smile. "No? That means more for me then."

"Are you... alright?"

Burnham took a big bite out of her club sandwich, munching through her words: "Yeah, why wouldn't I be? Mmh, this is really good, you should try some."

Reluctantly, Detmer took a bite of the offered half, nodding in agreement as she chewed. "I didn't know this was on the regular menu."

"It took some convincing," Burnham said as she tucked into luscious dish after luscious dish, making theatre of how heartily she was eating.

"How do you 'convince' a machine?" Owo chuckled.

Detmer visibly relaxed as she accepted the rest of the sandwich: "Tilly, didn't you say you reprogrammed a food synthesizer to only make ice cream when you were a kid?"

As if slapped out of a trance, Tilly spluttered in confusion before feeling compelled to reply: "Uh... oh... what? Oh... that. It was just a matter of calculating the necessary protein concentration and small particle dispersion of emulsifiers."

"Right... of course..." Detmer managed to pretend to understand for all of three seconds before she burst out laughing. And just like that, the awkward atmosphere vanished.

"You gonna eat that?" Burnham asked jokingly, following up on the levity by pointing to Detmer's soufflé. Her humorous request was met with a smile, so chummy it was akin to a balm for her soul. She tucked into the dessert as it was offered to her, doing her best to reflect the warm camaraderie to Tilly beside her and smiling through chocolate-stained teeth.

"Seriously, is there anything you can't do?" Owo told Tilly, shaking her head in mild disbelief.

The redhead's eyes fluttered as she turned her attention away from Burnham to reply, rather morosely: "Well, too bad you can't power a time crystal with ice crea-heywaitaminute!"

Burnham thought her uniform should have fit better by now, compared to the last time she greeted a mystery guest arriving in Discovery's transporter room. She was certain it had felt less restrictive as of late, but having to walk at a brisk pace to keep up with Captain Pike really seemed to push the seams of her trousers to their limit. She made sure to file into the room after the captain so she could surreptitiously feel up her bum to make sure there were no hull breaches.

Feels so big... and round, she analysed before she snapped back to reality and quickly stepped up beside Pike before he caught on. They had to wait a moment for Tilly to arrive: A small eternity in which she could not quite put that round rear out of her mind... especially when Tilly came up from behind to join them.

Reflexively putting on her overbearing façade, Michael still raised a curious eyebrow when she glanced over at the redhead on her right: "Is that for me?" she joked, eyeing the bowl of spumoni ice cream in Tilly's hands.

"Ohh... no, no! I wouldn't want to ruin your diet! It's for... well, you'll see."

Before Burnham could retort, the trill of the transporter heralded the arrival of a young woman with wild hair and wilder fashion sense. Woad tattoos and nose ring was perhaps not the look Michael imagined for a planetary queen.

"Your Serene Highness, may I–" Pike said with respectful urgency, but was quickly cut off by an outburst of girlish enthusiasm:

"Tilly!" the queen of Xahea exclaimed with a big grin and rushed over to embrace her friend.

Burnham and Pike exchanged patient looks as the two women greeted each other with unbridled excitement. At least "patient" was what Michael was going for. Somehow a burning feeling was welling up inside her; petulant, almost childish.

"Po, this is Commander Michael Burnham," Tilly explained once the hugging was done and ice cream had been offered. She gestured towards the thin-lipped Burnham.

"Your roomie," Po observed, her second eyelids blinking curiously as she cocked her head slightly: "You look taller in your photos."

"Yes I've put on–" Burnham smoothed her uniform over her thick waist, somewhat self-conscious. "Wait... taller?" Expecting a comment on her weight, the queen's comment threw Michael for a loop.

Virtually vibrating with barely controlled excitement, Tilly continued by introducing Pike. He proceeded to give the queen a small bow, measured to the exact amount of courtesy expected of their respective stations: "Your Highness Me Hani Ika Hali Ka Po..."

"Po's fine."

"Right. Can you eat and walk?" Pike glanced down at the bowl in Po's hands. "I understand you can help us power a time crystal."

Taking a big spoonful of spumoni, Po nodded blithely and made to follow. Still somewhat perplexed, Burnham made up the rearguard, unable to keep from glowering as she watched Po and Tilly up front, all giggles as they huddled together.

#Star Trek Discovery #wg story #wg fic #michael burnham #michael/tilly #sylvia tilly #diet #chubby #chub #jealousy

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ramimalekspice · 5 years

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Hearts Desire, part 1.

Darcie is an outspoken, funny and lovely young lady that just wants to be loved. She might have a slight obsession with Rami Malek and she might just get the perfect chance to let him know this... This will be a 10 part story, hope you enjoy

Darcie's POV:

My alarm has gone off for the 3rd time and I’m honestly debating whether I really need this job or not; I hate working in retail. After hearing my mum yell up the stairs “get up Darcie! You’re not losing this bloody job!”, I was up like a flash, I wiped my eyes to appear more awake and ran down stairs “mum, I was awake the whole time, I was tidying my room..” I explain, fairly convincingly if I do say so myself! My mum smirks and shakes her head, “go and get dressed you!” She jokes. Mum gave me a lift to work after I made her feel guilty for trying to make me walk in the rain.. oh how I hate the British weather. It’s July, it should be warm! Work drags and customers are just as shitty to me as normal. I really hate working in a cinema. When I applied for the job, it seemed like a good idea! You wouldn’t believe the things people complain about and the stupid questions they ask. I have a habit of staring at the clock when it’s close to the end of my shift, 10 minutes then I’m out of this hell hole. “Excuse me... hello.. Darcie is it?” I slowly drift out of my day dream (rudely interrupted by a customer.. they always come over at the wrong times) “huh? Sorry! I was-“, “you were staring into space, anyway, can I have a popcorn and drink?” They sharply interrupt (again). This is another question that grinds my gears.. be more specific!! A drink and a popcorn?? What flavour? What size? What drink?, I keep calm “of course, what size and flavour popcorn?”, “I’ll have a medium plain please”.. plain popcorn? For real?.. “we don’t sell plain popcorn, it’s sweet or salted” they huff and settle on a salted popcorn and Diet Coke. As soon as the customer leaves, i throw my hat off and dart out the door (after asking my manager to leave first, obviously). My mum was outside ready to pick me up, she jumped out the car when she saw me, excitement flushed through her body, oh my god, what is she doing, she’s so embarrassing, “Darcie! Darcie! You’re not going to believe it!” She’s running towards me, people passing by stop in their tracks to observe my insane mother running towards me, noticing lots of eyes on me, I shyly look away and pretend she’s not talking to me as they walk past, “mum! Please stop!” I say through gritted teeth. She takes it as a joke, it wasn’t a joke, I’m humiliated. Laughing and out of breathe from running 100 meters from her car, that isn’t even in a parking space, she bumps into me, holding her phone out. “Look Darc, look! Look who I met!” She hands me her phone with a picture of her and RAMI MALEK at a tube station! “No fricking way!!!” I gasp. “He was so nice! I didn’t even recognise him at first, I didn’t have my glasses on, then he got closer and it clicked! I have so much to tell you, get in the car” she squeals. As we make our way back home, we sit in silence for a few seconds (literally a few seconds) before mum nearly bursts “okay so I was going to surprise you but I can’t, I need to tell you!”, “tell me what mum? You’re scaring me” a nervous spike shoots through my body, I feel a sudden sickness wash over me, I don’t know why. “So, long story short, Rami is at our house..” She blurts out, “no way, mum, what? How? Why? When? I don’t believe you!” I start to feel seriously sick, like a good sick... a bit of background on me by the way.. so I’m 22, my names Darcie (as I’m sure you’ve realised), I live in London and I’m slightly, ever so slightly, obsessed with Rami Malek! Anyway, we pull into the drive, I really start to freak out, mum still hasn’t given me any context as to why he’s at MY house. I walk through the front hallway, into the kitchen and see the back of Rami’s head sat at the dining room table, he turns around to the sound of me gasping loudly, I put my hands over my face as a tear escapes my eye, Adrenalin shoots through my body like a bullet and I start to shake. “Ahhh, nooo, don’t cry! Hey, hey, stop that!” He says sympathetically as he stands up and walks over to me, he wraps me in a tight hug and strokes my hair, he smells so good and it’s definitely the best hug I’ve ever received. He pulls away and wipes the tears from my eyes, he shakes my hand “I’m Rami, it’s nice to meet you Darcie” I shake his hand and wipe my eyes “I can’t believe it’s you” is all I can say, no other words come to mind. “Why are you here” I ask, still crying, “I can go?” He says in a sad tone “no! Oh my god no! That’s not what I meant” I say, panicking, he looks up and winks at me, he starts to laugh at the fact he scared me. “So why are you here then?” I ask, “So, I was having brunch at a café by myself as my other cast mates are with family, then your lovely mum came over and told me all about you and how much love Mr robot, she was very friendly and offered to make me some of her famous curry! And well, it’s my day off tomorrow so I thought tonight would be a good night!” He laughed, knowing it sounded crazy. I’m still in shock, he looks even better in person, I’m freaking out, this must be a dream, what do I say? what do I do? This is insane. “why don't you give Rami a tour Darc?” Mum clearly wanted us out of the kitchen while she prepared dinner. I motioned for Rami to follow.

Rami’s POV:

Wow, Darcie is beautiful, I actually feel a bit nervous, I hope I'm not blushing. I can’t get over how lovely her mum is, I definitely made the right decision to come and try her food, even if it is crazy! I miss my mums cooking and something about Darcie’s mum made me feel at home. The boys are going to laugh so much when I tell them about this. I wonder how old she is, oh god, I hope she’s not under 21. “so this is your room? nice, your bed looks really comfy!” I say before diving on it, she comes over and sits next to me, “so, Rami, not gunna lie, I'm super nervous and I still cant believe you're in my house, if I say anything stupid, please ignore me because-” I cut her off, “Darcie, calm down, honestly, I'm human too, I mean, I know I'm pretty great but you don't need to be nervous around me” I wink, she blushes (I must be doing something right). Why do I have the urge to stroke her hair? this is such a weird feeling.

Darcie's POV:

He’s literally laying on my bed, this is just nuts, I think he's flirting but he's an actor, her probably acts like this with everyone, I have so many questions, where do I start? I don't want to bore him with questions he's heard a million times... he’s literally staring into my eyes, I look back into his as he starts to lean closer, terrified that I'm getting the wrong idea, I quickly jump up and grab an ornament from my dressing table, “look, its a mini you! its a little Elliot!“ oh no, why am I showing him my Mr Robot stuff, he’s going to think I'm just a crazy, weird super fan (which I am, but I don't want him to know that). He laughs and leans his head back as if he's a little disappointed that he tried to make a move and kind of got rejected. “sorry, you think I'm weird, don't you” I bite my lip and look down at the floor, “no, of course I don't, I have that exact figure in my house.. so if anyone is weird, I am, for having an ornament of myself” he laughs, making me laugh too, I fall back onto the bed and sit up against the head board. I grab the TV remote and switch to amazon prime, “you’re not..” he looks me dead in the eyes “oh, yes I am!” I smirk and put the first episode of Mr Robot on, Rami covers his eyes and lays down on the pillow, “don’t make me watch myself in front of you, it’s so awkward” he complains, he leans over and buries his head beside my leg, I flinch as his curly hair brushes against my outer thigh, I have the sudden urge to run my fingers through his perfect hair, I hesitate before I pathetically pat his head “hey, it’s a great show! don't be embarrassed”.

Rami’s POV:

Don’t get me wrong, I'm so proud of Mr Robot but watching it back with other people makes me uncomfortable, Darcie's not to know though and I'm quite enjoying being this close to her. I lift my head up to examine her gorgeous face but as I do, she’s already staring at me, we both laugh awkwardly then she looks away, “ you’re really pretty by the way” I confess, trying not to scare her off. She blushes and pushes my chest “stop! I'm not!” she says, trying not to laugh. I just smile then sit back up to see myself on the screen, super close up, it makes me cringe big time but its nice to watch her watching it and enjoying it. We both look at each other again, I start to slowly move closer “Darc, Rami, dinner’s ready!!” mum shouts up the stairs. We both sigh at my second failed attempt to kiss her, she starts to stand up, I grab her arm gently and pull her back “hey, what are you doing?” she laughs. I pull her closer and peck her on the lips, as I pull away I smile broadly at her.

Darcie’s POV:

“Sorry, I've wanted to do that since I first saw you walk through the door” he says in a lower and sexier voice, it sends shivers down my spine, that good sickness feeling returns, I cant believe he's even remotely interested in me. we stay looking into each others eyes for a moment longer “Darcie! are you coming?!” mum shouts again. We break eye contact as Rami climbs off the bed, he walks round to me, stood in front of me, he strokes my cheek, I sink into his touch, “maybe you could give me a tour of London after dinner?” he suggests. “Rami, you do know how big London is, right?” he laughs and scruffs my hair, “alright, cheeky”, he grabs my hands and pulls me up.

#rami malek #rami malek smut #rami malek fluff #rami malek fanfic

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captainlenfan · 5 years

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New Post has been published on http://websiteshop.network/episode-433-qa-with-robb-and-nicki-26/

Episode 433 – Q&A with Robb and Nicki #26

http://robbwolf.com/2019/06/21/episode-433-qa-with-robb-and-nicki-26/

We’re back on a roll with Episode 433, Q&A #26!

Submit your own questions for the podcast at: https://robbwolf.com/contact/submit-a-question-for-the-podcast/

If you want to see the video for this podcast, be sure to check out our YouTube channel.

Show Notes:

1. Enzymes and IBS? [3:32]

Ken says:

Talk to us about enzymes Robb. I’ve played with alot of different things over the years to help with IBS issues. For a long time I was devoted to probiotics but I never found any real consistent results with them. I took a stool test a year or so ago and discovered that literally none of the strains of probiotics I had so diligently taken (and paid for) were significantly present. Along the way anti fungals and anti parasitic medication (Dr Rx’d) helped calm the fire down below but it was enzymes that seem to seem to have made the final difference for me. Not only is the fire largely out I’ve really not had to keep up with taking enzymes like I did with probiotics. To be fair to probiotics they seem to help in the moment but I get the sense you have to take them daily which does not seem to be the case with enzymes. I should mention I know several people that have had the same experience with probiotics and enzymes. My question then is what is the mechanism at work? I get that enzymes help break down foods but why would that help with IBS symptoms and furthermore why would those symptoms be largely gone after only 6 months or so of using them but not taking them daily even?

2. Squat Pooping and Toilet Training [10:42]

Terrence says:

Hey Robb and Nicki!

Loving the new Q&A format! You have done such a great job educating the public on what to put in one end of their bodies that I want to take a moment to talk about how to get the most out of what comes out the other end!

I am a first-time dad of a now 16-month-old, so that means we’re starting to approach potty training. As we all know, the “natural, paleo way” of pooping is getting into that deep squat and letting fly. It’s so obvious to me that this is the way we’re meant to poop. I see it every morning: my little girl suddenly stops playing with her toys and drops into that ass-to-grass squat that my jiujitsu hips will never do again. By the time that thousand-yard stare creeps into her eyes, I’ve already got one hand on my SLS-free baby wipes.

Every parent has seen that, and yet every parent in this hemisphere insists on trying to get their kid going from this squat position to sitting on a porcelain platform with his/her feet dangling. The toddler naturally resists with a, “what the hell do you expect me to do from here?” look. Frustration ensues, but poop doesn’t. It seems like transitioning our toddlers from diapers to seated toilets is yet another mismatch of nature in our modern civilization.

For adults, it’s easy to make a homemade platform or buy a Squatty Potty / similar product. But what’s the plan for tots? I’ve considered setting up a kitty litter box in the bathroom. The mother-in-law is almost certainly going to lose her shit (heh heh) but maybe that’s the price of being the world’s #2 Dad!

Would love to hear your Paleo Poop Solution for how we are Wired to Shit.

-Terrence

3. Travel Eating Tips? [14:30]

Luiza says:

Got your masterclass and it was paramount for the achievement of the keto sunset. 8 weeks in, 15 lbs down and I feel amazing!

However I am quite a foodie and will be heading to Paris for 10 days in June to vacation with my brother and dad. I will be staying at a hotel and definitely don’t wanna miss out on real French croissants or pastries… I also am from Brazil and while I can tell the benefits of keto long term, I would not be able to go visit and skip out of eating fruits, which is most of my diet while I’m down there.

so question: Should I still try my best to keep up with calories/macro count while traveling and/or supplement with exogenous ketones (do they even work?) or should I not worry about it until I get back home? Am I gonna feel absolutely awful while getting back on carbs? On that note, maybe I should re-introduce carbs before I even go?

Appreciate your guidance on the issue.

4. BJJ + Recurring Staph Infections [18:39]

Sam says:

Dear Robb + Nicki,

Over the last 12 year period, I’ve made numerous attempts to train BJJ–each attempt ending in a staph infection. My first time was about 12 years ago, where I got a good year of training in. This was punctuated by a pretty bad staph infection that flared back up a few more times shortly after. 8 years later, I went for it again…this time getting a staph infection after one week of training. Most recently, I got 6 months in before getting another. As you can imagine, every doctor I’ve ever talked to thinks I just need more antibiotics, or that I have some secret colony of staph living in my nose. This approach has obviously not been successful for me. It also fails to address why I only get them while training, and never in the periods in between. While hygiene may have been to blame the first time, I was pretty careful the last two times, even if it wasn’t 100% perfect. I had a funky sleep schedule before my most recent occurrence, which I think may have contributed. Some more details for you…I’m 33, in good shape, otherwise healthy, eat well, and sleep well. I’ve always lifted weights outside of BJJ but nothing crazy in terms of volume. My question for you is: If this was happening to you, where would you start? What would you be looking at? I have considered seeing a functional medicine practitioner as I’ve wondered if there are some bigger picture immune issues at play. I appreciate any thoughts you have on this– I don’t want my BJJ career to be over so soon. Thanks!

Notes: https://www.defensesoap.com/

5. Adult Autism – Should I Go Keto? [23:51]

Alex says:

Hi Nicki and Robb,

I’m 29 and was diagnosed as on the autism spectrum just two years ago. This would have been considered as asperger’s in the past. I’ve been primarily paleo (ice cream is really good) for the better part of six years, but after running my DNA through Found My Fitness, I’m wanting to address my dietary choices from a more personalized approach, including finding the most optimal choices to address some of the occasional stressors I feel associated with being on the spectrum – anxiety, depression, and general cognitive/mood disregulation.

The most researched dietary intervention seems to be a gluten free, dairy free diet, with a few studies looking into keto. However, each study I’ve seen is only looking at kids as the subjects and typically with more severe symptoms than what I experience. Keto seems to be a promising approach, but is there any reason why this would be different for an adult? I tried keto for about a month a year ago but immediately found my cognitive performance drop. While I know my macro amounts were appropriate (used ketogains calculator), I know now that I didn’t incorporate the electrolyte component. Could this account for my initial struggles with it? Is there anything else someone on the spectrum should consider when attempting keto? Supplements, macro ratios, etc.? I’ll include more details about me below, but thank you for your time in reading question and all of your work.

Alex

29 years old

6′ 4”, 240 lbs

CrossFit 3-4x per week

Sleep 6-7 hours a night (we have a 1 year old that thinks the day begins at 3:30am)

Polymorphisms of concern from FoundMyFitness: MTHFR (which seems to be common in those on the spectrum), FTO (multiple SNPs), APEO3/4 (multiple SNPs)

Live in Minnesota where sun exposure is only frequent enough where your skin doesn’t freeze

Where you can find us:

Submit questions for the podcast: https://robbwolf.com/contact/submit-a-question-for-the-podcast/

Transcript:

Download a copy of the transcript here (PDF)

Nicki: Hey, Hubs

Robb: Welcome back, wife. What’s new? What’s exciting? We’re living in the Arctic of Reno

Nicki: I know. It’s been a really, really long, drawn-out spring going into summer. It’s cold.

Robb: The White King is dead. Winter should be ending, but it’s not.

Nicki: Winter is still here.

Robb: Yup. Did you want to fill people in on anything, or do you just want to jump in?

Nicki: If you want, sure, what we’re thinking of doing.

Robb: Sure. Well, no, you do it.

Nicki: Well, we have decided that we are going to be moving to Texas.

Robb: You gonna be oblique about where so nobody can find us? We had a crazy story. Zoe was only a couple of days old…

Nicki: I don’t know what crazy story you’re telling.

Robb: …that, when the people showed up at our front door?

Nicki: Oh. Yeah.

Robb: Yeah. So, a little bit of background, and I’m sorry, if you don’t give two shits about this, just fast forward a little. A really close friend of ours had just had this super gnarly identity theft thing go on where somebody found out that they were out of town, they forwarded their mail… It was super, super messed up-

Nicki: Yeah.

Robb: …and so we were kind of a little on edge from that.

Nicki: So, that was one week before, and then we had Zoe. She was super young. I was, like, nursing in the back room.

Robb: This was day four or five and we were completely sleep deprived, like, out of your head and you’re legitimately insane at this point.

Nicki: Uh-huh (affirmative).

Robb: And, somebody had pinged Squatchy, and they’re like, “Hey, I want to send Robb one of these exercise mobility ball things or something like that, and so Squatchy had given them our home address, and, lo and behold, somebody knocks on the door-

Nicki: (laughs)

Robb: and I show up at the door just disheveled and exhausted, and there are these people I’ve never met before with this little rubber ball. They’re like-

Nicki: They’re like, “Oh, we had a wedding to go to and so we were driving through, so we thought we would just personally deliver it.” (laughs)

Robb: And so, after that, we got a P.O. box. And, it’s not that we hide our location, but I’ve had a few, kind of wacky threats from the crazy vegans and stuff like that. We have kids and so, yeah. So, we’ll be… it’s central Texas. Yeah, we’re looking at central Texas.

Nicki: Hill country Texas.

Robb: Hill country Texas.

Nicki: But, not Austin.

Robb: But, not Austin. Yeah. All the cool kids can go there. We’re going somewhere else. So, anyway, yeah, we’re looking at moving so the podcast may be a little hit and miss. We’re trying to bank some of these-

Nicki: Yeah, but-

Robb: …so that we stay on top of that but, yeah.

Nicki: Yeah. So.

Robb: That’s our preamble on that, or our pre-ramble.

Nicki: Pre-ramble. All right. We’ll jump in then.

Robb: Okay. Cool.

Nicki: So our first question is on enzymes and IBS from Ken, and he says, “Robb, talk to us about enzymes. I’ve played with a lot of different things over the years to help with IBS issues and, for a long time, I was devoted to probiotics, but I never found any real, consistent results with them. I took a stool test a year or so ago and discovered that literally none of the strains of probiotics I had so diligently taken and paid for were significantly present. Along the way, anti-fungals and anti-parasitic medication, doctor-prescribed, helped calm the fire down below, but it was enzymes that seemed to have made the final difference for me.

Nicki: Not only is the fire largely out, I’ve really not had to keep up with taking enzymes like I did with probiotics. To be fair to probiotics, they seem to help in the moment, but I get the sense you have to take them daily, which does not seem to be the case with enzymes. I should mention I know several people that have had the same experience with probiotics and enzymes, and my question is, what is the mechanism at work? I get that enzymes help break down foods, but why would that help with IBS symptoms and, furthermore, why would those symptoms be largely gone after only six months or so of using them, but not taking them even daily?”

Robb: Yeah, it’s really interesting stuff. When I was at the UCSF conference that Akil Palanisamy puts on each year, really amazing event. Doctor Datis Kharrazian was there, and this guy is so smart. Chiro and also a Ph.D in Immunology, I think, from Harvard, so kind of… D.C., Ph.D guy, and he’s a real, legit gut health expert, and really on the… how do you fix things clinically. And, he did an amazing breakdown of this whole story, and he relies heavily on things like betaine hydrochloride, apple cider vinegar, which I have shifted to using capsules because, when I would do the apple cider vinegar shots, it was dissolving my teeth, which it has a tendency to do, and butyrate.

Robb: So, what’s going on on that in kind of a multi-factorial story is that the enzymes in improving the acid content of the stomach while you’re eating food… if you break everything down into its constituent parts, and we’re really concerned about the proteins in this story, and proteins, whether it’s from animal sources or plant sources, if they hit the gut lining as single amino acids or dipeptides, which is about the ideal scenario, there’s really not immunogenic substance, then. There’s not the problematic proteins that can irritate the gut and cause the motility issues that kind of typify IBS. And then, he recommended the butyrate because the butyrate tends to help fix the gap junction issues within the gut in kind of a primary indirect fashion.

Robb: So, when a healthy gut, assuming that an individual is eating some fermented, fermentable fiber and all that type of stuff, would get butyrate and propionate and malonate and these different short-chain fats, that improve gap junction function, and then, in theory, a healthy gut, people are robustly digesting all of their food, including the proteins, and also the carbohydrates that should be digested early in the process versus, you know, if we have poor digestion, those carbohydrates can make their way intact into later portions of the digestion, which is kind of where SIBO and all that stuff pops up.

Robb: So, that’s kind of the mechanism there, and it makes a lot of sense, and what’s interesting about that, it’s a little bit reminiscent… the gut health topic and the microbiome topic is really interesting, and I think when we’ve talked about this a couple of times before, but clearly the gut microbiome and gut health is critical. But, we don’t really know yet, I think in general, what to do about it.

Robb: About fifty percent… Most of the studies you look at, Doctor Ruscio has talked about this… a hundred people take a probiotic formula, about half of the people show improvements, half the people don’t. Some of the don’ts actually get worse. So, it’s very hit and miss in that regard, and also the probiotics generally are not intended to be repopulating the gut. They’re actually intended to kind of tune the immune system, although some work from the Sonnenberg Lab suggests that the process of putting these gut microbes from probiotics through this system actually creates a more amenable environment for you to get other organisms from the environment that should be taking up residence there, and… really interesting stuff.

Robb: But, the point being that… if we look at people who have had different forms of ileostomies, like, basically having their intestines, to varying degrees removed, these people don’t live shorter, worser lives than people with all of that real estate. And this is despite whatever injury or illness caused that scenario.

Robb: So, on the one had, clearly the gut microbiome and gut health is really important, but it seems, in my mind… my kind of take on this, is it’s really, really important to either function well or, if pathology has occurred, then we need to somehow address the pathology, because, clearly, just removing that real estate, it makes all the notion of, well, fiber is critical to health and all this stuff. It really kind of casts an interesting light on it, so, in the scenario of really augmenting frontal digestion with enzymes and potentially, again, apple cider vinegar or some other acid sources, that would appear to really fix a lot of problems because we’re breaking the food down and there isn’t the large proteins that are potentially immunogenically stimulating.

Robb: So, that’s what’s going on both on the probiotics side and, most likely, on the enzyme side. It is intriguing to me that you can get by with this with intermittent use instead of needing to be really consistent. But also, even though the IBS had gone on apparently for some significant period of time, he maybe only needs to kind of pulse that whole process. Because it is interesting, too, once the gut heals, then cholecystokinin release is more normalized, and acid secretions are more normalized. We know that H. pylori suppresses acid production, ironically, even though it’s associated with peptic ulcers, but it tends to suppress acid production in the stomach to foster a more amenable environment for the H. pylori. So, sometimes if we move out the… if we change the gut microbiome in a favorable way, then it just actually gets a little bit of a feed forward mechanism going and it just generally functions better. So, yeah.

Nicki: All right. Our next question is from Terrence on squat pooping and toilet training. Terrence says, “Hey Robb and Nicki, loving the new Q and A format. You’ve done such a great job educating the public on what to put in one end of their bodies that I want to take a moment to talk about how to get the most out of what comes out the other end.

Nicki: I’m a first-time dad of a now-sixteen-month-old, so that means we’re starting to approach potty training. As we all know, the natural Paleo way of pooping is getting into that deep squat and letting fly. So obvious to me that this is the way we’re meant to poop. I see it every morning: my little girl suddenly stops playing with her toys and drops into that ass-to-grass squat that my jiu jitsu hips will never do again. By the time that thousand-yard stare creeps into her eyes, I’ve already got one hand on my SLS-free baby wipes. (laughs)

Nicki: Every parent has seen that and yet every parent in this hemisphere insists on trying to get their kid going from this squat position to sitting on a porcelain platform with his or her feet dangling. The toddler naturally resists with a, ‘What the hell do you expect me to do from here?’ look, and frustration ensues, but poop doesn’t.

Nicki: Seems like transitioning your toddlers from diapers to seated toilets is yet another mismatch of nature in our modern civilization. For adults, it’s easy to make a homemade platform, or buy a Squatty Potty, or similar product, but what’s the plan for tots? I’ve considered setting up a kitty litter box in the bathroom. (laughs) Mother-in-law is almost certainly going to lose her shit, (laughs) but maybe that’s the price of being the World’s Number Two Dad.” (laughs)

Robb: (laughs)

Nicki: Terrence, that’s hilarious. “Would love to hear your Paleo poop solution for how we are wired to shit.”

Robb: Terrence definitely gets Best Question of the Podcast History Award.

Nicki: He gets… yeah.

Robb: I don’t know, I mean… the first thought that pops in my mind is, “This is a great product opportunity for Terrence to get in and try to address.

Nicki: You know what’s interesting is other countries have… you do squat.

Robb: Right.

Nicki: I remember traveling to Turkey when I was nineteen, and even Italy, I think, they have some toilets like this, where it’s a hole in the ground, it’s porcelain, then there’s a little spot for your feet, but you actually squat. And, it flushes, but you’re not sitting on anything.

Robb: So, yeah.

Nicki: I’m sure you can order these toilets and have them installed in your home. [laughs]

Robb: Right. Can we do that with our new house?

Nicki: We can look into it.

Robb: Look into that. Yeah, I mean, we saw this same phenomena go down, and there is pretty clear literature suggesting that pooping not in a squat… you get a little bit of, like, fecal backflow because we’re supposed to have a valsalva maneuver, and… so, yeah, this is another one of the things that… you know, it’s so interesting, some of the articles on this, is, suggests that a lot of what we characterize as kind of normal GI dysfunction is a consequence of the way that we’re pooping, but that’s just so endemic that it’s kind of a problem hidden in plain sight. The researchers generally never even ask the question, “Well, if I change my position and was in a more, you know, I guess it’s not orthopedically, like, poop-opedically aligned position that, you know, this stuff would be addressed.

Robb: But, yeah, I’ve wanted the pit toilet for a while.

Nicki: Yeah, it’s just a square, porcelain thing-

Robb: And it still flushes and does all that stuff, yeah.

Nicki: …that sits in the ground with a hole, just like a normal toilet bowl hole, with little grooves for your shoes, and you just squat, and it has a flush.

Robb: Well, let’s look into that.

Nicki: (laughs) Okay.

Robb: (laughs) Terrence, we’ll keep you posted if we find one of those in the new digs, we’ll send you info on it. But, really good question, and it’s interesting, and this is another one of these things that we get our kids started off not on the right foot with a lot of stuff. Yeah.

Nicki: All right. Let’s see. Our next question is from Luiza on falling off the wagon. She says, “I got your masterclass and it was paramount for the achievement of the keto sunset. Eight weeks in, fifteen pounds down, and I feel amazing. However, I’m quite a foodie, and will be heading to Paris for ten days in June to vacation with my brother and dad. I will be staying at a hotel and definitely don’t want to miss out on real French croissants or pastries. I also am from Brazil, and while I can tell the benefits of keto long-term, I would not be able to go visit and skip out on eating fruit, which is most of my diet while I’m down there.

Nicki: So, my question: should I still try my best to keep up with the calories and macro count while traveling, and/or supplement with exogenous ketones? Do they even work? Or, should I not worry about it until I get back home? And, am I going to feel absolutely awful while getting back on carbs? On that note, maybe I should reintroduce carbs before I go. I appreciate your guidance on the issue.”

Robb: So, maybe we’ll start from the back and then work forward. Are you going to feel awful going back on carbs? I have no idea.

Nicki: Depends on-

Robb: …it just depends, person-to-person. I don’t know, I go back and forth on this. On the one hand, I guess a really minimal tweak to what you’re doing and still being able to enjoy all that you have to experience there, try to make sure you hit your protein minimum. That just seems to be so important for not overeating, whether we’re on a low-carb or a low-fat diet. So, by hook or by crook, just make sure that you get your protein in. If you’re in Brazil, then eat all the fruit, but make sure that you’re getting plenty of protein with the fruit. When you’re eating your croissant, make sure that you don’t forgo the eggs and-

Nicki: Sausage and whatever.

Robb: …sausage and all that type of stuff. And, a little bit of portion control… I mean, the challenge, or the benefit, of keto is that we’re removing the carb-fat combo, and that’s where it becomes challenging for people to maintain normal appetite control. Again, adequate protein is really going to help with that, but… So-

Nicki: So, in Brazil, should she do protein and fruit, and skip any additional fat?

Robb: Yes.

Nicki: And in Paris, she could do protein and don’t put butter on her French croissants and pastries.

Robb: Maybe a little bit, but yeah.

Nicki: Yeah, try to-

Robb: Just don’t go crazy on it. Yeah.

Nicki: …I think there’s a lot of butter in them already-

Robb: Right.

Nicki: …when they make them, but trying to minimize the fat if she’s going to increase her carbs.

Robb: Yeah, yeah, to some degree. And, as to the exogenous ketones, exogenous ketones are great, but the point isn’t necessarily to take a ketone supplement to paper over other dietary concerns, unless we’re really tackling that from a neurodegenerative perspective, or something like that. So, I mean, I don’t really see the exogenous ketones being a huge boon in this scenario.

Robb: If you like them, some people do notice that they do get some appetite regulation by dropping in a scoop of the exogenous ketones or the MCTs. There’s one study that suggests a carb-rich breakfast plus MCTs caused people to then… and also, I’ve got to say they ate adequate protein in this, too, so it wasn’t just carbs and MCT. It was a good whack of protein, some standard carb intake, but then adding MCT in, what they noticed over time, was that these folks tended to eat fewer calories overall throughout the day.

Nicki: Hm.

Robb: And Chris Masterjohn did a nice unpacking of this, and so… That might work that similarly with the exogenous ketones. We don’t have a study on that yet. There is one reasonably well-performed study that suggests that MCT powder or MCT oil does that.

Nicki: Okay. Well, have fun, Luiza. That sounds like a really fun summer.

Robb: I wouldn’t mind that. Yeah.

Nicki: Okay. Let’s see. Our next question is from Sam on BJJ and recurring staph infections.

Nicki: “Dear Robb and Nicki, over the last twelve-year period, I’ve made numerous attempts to train BJJ, each attempt ending in a staph infection. My first time was about twelve years ago, where I got a good year of training in, which was punctuated by a pretty bad staph infection that flared back up a few more times shortly after. Eight years later, I went for it again, this time getting a staph infection after one week of training. Most recently, I got six months in before getting another. As you can imagine, every doctor I have talked to thinks I just need more antibiotics, or that I have some secret colony of staph living in my nose.

Nicki: This approach has obviously not been successful for me. It also fails to address why I only get them while training and never in the periods in between. While hygiene may have been to blame the first time, I was pretty careful the last two times, even if I wasn’t 100% perfect. I had a funky sleep schedule before my most recent occurrence, which I think may have contributed.

Nicki: Some more details for you: I’m 33, in good shape, otherwise healthy, eat well, sleep well. I’ve always lifted weights outside of BJJ, but nothing crazy in terms of volume. My question for you is, if this was happening to you, where would you start? What would you be looking at? I’ve considered seeing a functional medicine practitioner, as I’ve wondered if there are some bigger picture immune issues at play, and I appreciate any thoughts you have on this. I don’t want my BJJ career to be over so soon.”

Robb: Yeah. Gosh, where would we jump into this? Getting a functional medicine assessment wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, to see if there is something kind of off with HPTA axis, cortisol, which could be suppressing immune function… Definitely the hygiene of the gym that you’re in is a big factor. The places that we’ve gone to, they’re pretty on it. They spray the mats down in between classes, and they’re definitely on top of that. So, that maintenance is important. What is the name of the soap that Darien sells?

Nicki: Oh…

Robb: There’s, like, a-

Nicki: It’s Defense? Defense? Maybe?

Robb: Yeah, Defense Soap. Yeah.

Nicki: I’ll find it for sure and we can put a link in the show notes.

Robb: Yeah, but I think it has tea tree oil and some other antimicrobials, and a lot of people swear by that. This is also why, even though my jiu jitsu game, I’m not fabric-dependent, I’m not hanging onto the gi. I tend to wear a rash guard, and then a gi. I don’t usually wear sprats also, but you could do that. But, taking all that stuff, then you just have minimal surface area exposed.

Robb: So, yeah, I mean, the boxes to tick, see if there’s anything that could be obvious with regards to immune function and something being amiss there. Definitely lean on the facility owners to clean the mats thoroughly. I would recommend wearing a rash guard, possibly sprats and a gi-

Nicki: Wash the gi every single-

Robb: …and launder those aggressively each time.

Nicki: …yeah, every single time. If you get off the mat to go to the bathroom, put shoes on and walk.

Robb: Yeah.

Nicki: Everybody in the gym should be wearing shoes into the bathroom, on and off the mat.

Robb: Yeah, they should be bringing sandals to go in. It’s so gross when you see people sprint to the bathroom. The guy’s always in…

Nicki: Barefoot.

Robb: …barefoot, and then they come back on, and you’re like, “Listen, knucklehead…” But, those are the things. Anything else? Yeah, laundering the, your… whatever you wear thoroughly, and then the Defense Soap, maybe, post-training would be the things that I would look at.

Nicki: Can the sleep thing… I mean, if you’re super sleep-deprived and stuff-

Robb: Definitely, I mean, sleep-deprived. And, one other thought with this is, if you’re going really hard rolling, it’s like a CrossFit workout or something. People can turn these sessions into a near-death experience, which can kind of crush your immune response. And so, you may need to look at the intensity that you’re training, and it’s hard for people to do.

Robb: In the beginning, they just are battling for survival, and the only thing that you can rely on is strength and cardio and power output and everything, but that will knacker you, and it definitely impacts immune response. Yeah, it can kind of dig a hole. So, I would definitely consider, you know, how hard are you going and figure out ways of dialing that back. I would check out Henry Aiken’s Hidden Jiu Jitsu course. He has a specific module in his course when he had a gig in Bali, and he actually has a block of, like, fifteen videos that shows him rolling with the people that attended the event, and Henry just, he looks like he’s almost unconscious.

Robb: Now, granted, he’s got twenty-plus years of jiu jitsu experience, but even though I’m nowhere near where Henry is, my rolling looks way more like that than what you see in the competition videos, where people are super rigid and they’re just go-go-go… and, so, and that’s part of the reason why I’ve been able to train pretty consistently, and I try to figure out how my forty to sixty percent effort can continue to beat or make improvements on everybody else’s ninety-five percent effort. So, that would be another piece to look at.

Nicki: Okay. Let’s see, our last question today is from Alex, an adult on the autism spectrum: should I go keto?

Nicki: “Hi, Nicki and Robb. I’m twenty-nine and I was diagnosed as on the autism spectrum just two years ago. This would have been considered as Asperger’s in the past. I’ve been primarily Paleo, ice cream is really good-

Robb: (laughs)

Nicki: …for the better part of six years, but after running my DNA through FoundMyFitness, I’m wanting to address my dietary choices from a more personalized approach, including finding the most optimal choices to address some of the occasional stressors I feel associated with being on the Spectrum: anxiety, depression, and general cognitive and mood dysregulation.

Nicki: The most researched dietary intervention seems to be a gluten-free, dairy-free diet with a few studies looking into keto. However, each study I’ve seen is only looking at kids as the subjects, and typically with more severe symptoms than what I experience. Keto seems to be a promising approach, but is there any reason why this would be different for an adult?

Nicki: I tried keto for about a month a year ago, but immediately found my cognitive performance drop. While I know my macro amounts were appropriate, I used the Ketogains Calculator, I now know that I didn’t incorporate the electrolyte component. Could this account for my initial struggles with it, and is there anything else someone on the Spectrum should consider while attempting keto? Supplements, macro ratios, et cetera. I’ll include more details about me below, but thank you for your time in reading the question, and all of your work.”

Robb: And, details: age, height, weight, CrossFit-

Nicki: Mm-hmm (affirmative), sleep.

Robb: …decent sleep, and then he mentions some of his polymorphisms from the FoundMyFitness stuff. It’s interesting, there shouldn’t… if one is going to benefit from keto for a neurological situation. I don’t see that there would be any difference between kids and adults. It is, that said, it is interesting many children who go on a ketogenic diet for, say, epilepsy, they don’t need to stay on it for life. They’re able to get off of it at some point.

Nicki: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Robb: So, there is something that changes there. So, I don’t know if the flip side could apply, that maybe there was a window in childhood where this could have worked and now it’s not going to. That doesn’t really make sense to me, but it… yeah, I don’t know. But, definitely not everybody experiences cognitive improvement on a ketogenic diet. But, the lack of adequate electrolytes, in particular, sodium, is just jaw-dropping, make-or-break deal. So, if you were going to get back in and try this again, I would definitely check out LMNT, get, go… even if you just go to the drinkLMNT.com page, and then check out the How to Make Your Own Keto At Home Electrolyte Drink. One or the other, do that.

Nicki: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Robb: Start supplementing, if you do Kettle & Fire Bone Broth, put some salt in that, significant amount.

Nicki: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Robb: You really have to be on point with all that. You could also try using a little bit of MCTs or exogenous ketones in this scenario, because if we really are talking about a brain metabolism story, potentially some gut dysbiosis, those things may help in this whole process.

Robb: Additionally, on the supplements, a really rich form of DHA, EPA, DHA, but leaning heaving on the DHA, if you just eat a lot of fish. I’m wearing Wild Planet, these guys are amazing, getting fish from these guys or something similar. Sardines, mackerel, salmon-

Nicki: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Robb: …would be really beneficial, or you could supplement with a DHA-rich fish oil or krill oil formula.

Nicki: Okay.

Robb: Yeah.

Nicki: Thanks, Alex. Hubs, that was our five questions for this week.

Robb: Cool, cool. Somebody commented that they felt like we were rushed going through these, which I don’t know-

Nicki: Oh, I didn’t see that comment.

Robb: …that we’re rushed, but, yeah, it was a private message, compared to the Greg Everett days-

Nicki: Oh.

Robb: …where we would just wax on and on and on.

Nicki: You had no kids and no… (laughs)

Robb: We had no kids and, also… I try to be as thorough as I can, but also concise because people have a shortened attention span these days-

Nicki: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Robb: …and so, try not to wax on too long, but trying to strike a balance between being both thorough and concise.

Nicki: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Robb: So, there you have it.

Nicki: Yep.

Robb: Okay.

Nicki: Okay.

Robb: We’ll talk to y’all soon. Oh, thanks for the-

Nicki: No, no, no, no, no.

Robb: Oh, yeah.

Nicki: No, no, no, no, no, no. If you have questions, you can submit them, robbwolf.com contact page. What else?

Robb: Drink LMNT sponsored this podcast.

Nicki: Yep. Sponsored this LMNT

Robb: Drink Element, and even though we’re not-

Nicki: Coming into a summer, too, so, if you’re in a hot climate in particular, you’re going to want to be supplementing with electrolytes. If you’re active, and you were saying something-

Robb: And, love the Wild Planet guys. So, they’re a podcast sponsor this week, too. (laughs)

Nicki: (laughs)

Robb: They’re really amazing people. They… So, the back of this shirt says something like, “When you… would your tuna… How was your tuna caught? One line, one fish, one process.” They really are committed to sustainable fishing practices-

Nicki: Mm-hmm.

Robb: …and they’ve been beating this drum for a long time, so big shout out to the Wild Plant people. They’re wonderful folks doing some very cool work. In addition to the fish, they’re also doing some meat and chicken options-

Nicki: Oh, I didn’t know that.

Robb: …in like the vacu-seal packs and stuff like that, but they’re, like, organic and blessed by the Dalai Lama and all that stuff. But, really cool people, so, check out both of our sponsors, DrinkLMNT and also Wild Planet.

Nicki: Thanks, guys.

Robb: Take care. Buh-bye

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