#they trust me to be that person i am so fuckin proud that i can be an older sibling to them because i never had that

[lupismaris]

Spent the entire day, work and otherwise, playing caretaker- adviser, nanny, big brother, big sister, valet, maid, therapist, devoted friend giving you away to something better- please fuck all i want is for someone to stop me and return the favor

[rebelliousstories]

Toxic as Rads

Relationship: Cooper “The Ghoul” Howard x Reader

Fandom: Fallout

Request: Yes by @silverose365

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Strong Language, Suggestive Themes

Word Count: 1,307

Main Masterlist: Here

Fallout Masterlist: Here

Summary: They had not been alright for a long time. They would breakup, and then make up. A vicious cycle with no foreseeable end.

“Damnit Coop! I am so sick and tired of running in these damn circles.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t be chasin’ your own bullshit.”

This had been going on for hours now. The couple had holed up in an abandoned facility that was still somehow standing after all the years, and bombs. Neither one could remember what this argument was about this time, but that is how they worked. They would fight. They would make up. And they would do it all again the next day.

It did not used to be like this though. They used to be happy, and in love.

~

“Listen, I just need someone to show me the ropes. I was thrown out here and I don’t wanna die.” A feminine voice pleaded with a cowboy that was busy walking away.

“Don’t do charity cases, darlin’. Not even if they’re cute like you, Vaultie.” His voice was growing more and more distant.

“Hey! Ghoul, you want this back?” Turning back around, Cooper found that she was holding a gun, and a box of chems. Patting himself down, he found that he was missing one of his guns, and his box of chems. He marched right up to the girl with a low growl.

“Gimme that, little girl. You don’t know what that’s gonna do.” He tried to get his effects back, but what unsuccessful. Cooper tried again, and finally got them back, but she just swiped his hat off of his head while his hands were full.

“Listen here, I don’t do no damn charity cases.” The Ghoul grabbed his hat back once he had stashed his gun and chems.

“Please. I’m really good at stealing. I can get you anything you want.” She begged once more, looking close to getting on her knees.

“Anything I want?” He pressed, watching in amusement as her head nodded up and down fast.

“Alright, Vaultie. Let’s see what you’re made of.” He turned on his heel and left, smirking as the vault dweller was hot on them to follow.

~

“Coop, I am tired of this shit. Can you just trust me to do a job, or do fuckin’ anything?” She screamed, throwing her hands up in the air.

“Well then maybe you should make it easy and go. Not like I expected a damn vault dweller to stay around me like a lost puppy.” He thought to himself, but did not realize that he had actually said it aloud. Cooper watched as the horror morphed into melancholy on her face. With her face, he finally realized his mistake.

“Darlin’, now I didn’t mean that. Come here.” Cooper tried to gather her in his arms, but she slipped out faster than him. She ran around the room and collected her items that were strewn about, trying to get them on faster than Cooper could get to her.

“Sweetheart, you know that’s not what I meant. I was just upset. Please let’s talk this through. No need to do anything rash.” But she had bolted out the front door before he ever got there, and ran into the night. Howard tried to follow her, but there was a reason she was good at stealing; she was also amazing at not being found. Looking out into the night sky, Cooper screamed to the heavens, although he knew no one would hear his call of despair. Retreating back into the building, he threw, kicked, and hit anything he could get his hands on. Once his rage had been exhausted, Cooper made sure he had all of his gear with him, before he set out into the night.

By day three, he was pissed. Cooper should be proud; he had trained her on how to survive in the Wasteland and avoid detection. But this was him, using his own tracking skills to track down on someone he had personally trained. The fact that she was staying a step a head was impressive and infuriating. He had followed her near a settlement; a very familiar settlement. This was the same town that he had gotten her from all those years ago. It was a little more rundown, but the structures still stood as strong as they could.

“God damnit woman.” Cooper knelt down to collect a familiar pouch that held a vintage camera with a little bit of film left. They had found it together their first year traveling together and she took every opportunity to get pictures together. He knew the negatives on that film were all of him, or of them together. Why she dropped it, he did not know. But it could not have been a good reason. Strapping it into his own pouch on his saddle bag, Cooper made his way around the town. People moved out of his way as he moved, but he could not find her there. If she came all the way back here, why was she still avoiding him?

That is when a thought came into his head. Leaving the designated town, Howard stalked along the sides, and found a house on the outskirts. This house had remained abandoned the entire time he had been coming here for some reason or another. He did not particularly care to remember why it remained empty. There was a shift of fabric that he could hear from the front door. Making his way into the house, Cooper heard the soft sniffles and quiet cries of his woman as he grew closer and closer to the bedroom.

The door was halfway open, which meant he could not have snuck up on her even if he wanted to. And the sight inside made his heart hurt. She was curled up on the bed with blankets and pillows. It looked more like a nest than a bed, but she found herself in the middle of it all.

“Go away.” Her voice was hoarse as it tried to spit out and sound meaner than she actually sounded.

“Now, I think you don’t really want that darlin’.” Cooper replied, placing his hat on the bedpost at the foot of the bed/nest situation.

“You don’t know what I want. Besides, I’m just some stupid vault dweller who follows you around like a lost puppy. Figured you’d be having a damn party with me gone.” Turning further and further away, the scratch to her voice almost made it like a growl. Howard shrugged off his duster and threw the rest of his guns, belts, and bags into a chair in the corner before encroaching upon her space. She tried to push him off, but he kept wrapping his arms around her to pull her into his chest.

“I’m sorry for what I said, darlin’. Didn’t mean what I said.” He pressed a kiss to the back of her head, and squeezed her closer while her arms dropped in defeat.

“I just don’t understand why you would say that if you didn’t mean it.” She lamented.

“Was just angry darlin’. Not at you. Just- we’ve been fightin’ a lot. We never used to and it seems every day we’re findin’ somethin’ to get pissed off about.” He replied, settling into the comfortable bed.

“I know. ‘M sorry for running. Just didn’t know how to deal with it all.” Rolling over, she tucked her face into Cooper’s chest and smushed them closer together.

“No need to apologize sweetheart,” came his response. He pressed another kiss, this time to her forehead, and started to stroke her hair.

“Oughta redden your ass though. Makin’ me chase you all over this damn desert.” Cooper teased, his gloved hand reaching down to give her rear a teasing squeeze.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Ghoul.” She teased back, snuggling in closer. They were not perfect, that was for certain. But from that point forward, they would be doing better.

[joeylynchwife]

Prompt List

- JJ Maybank, Anthony Bridgerton, Benedict Bridgerton

fluff

1."I think I love you"

2."You're comfy"

3."your lips are getting really close to mine""

4."can you picture it? you and I dating?"

5."you're my favourite person"

6."you are more than enough"

7."those are really cheesy pick up lines"

8."can you stop laughing and just kiss me"

9."i don't want this to end. I don't"

10."yes please draw me like one of your french girls" "piss off"

11."move your blanket. I wanna lay down on your lap"

12."you make me proud, you know that right?"

13."i'm only doing it because your cute"

14."stop moving. I'm almost done!"

15."you..you don't even have to love me back you know?"

16."isn't it obvious how much I'm obsessed with you?"

Angst/ jealousy (all will have happy endings)

17."you deserve more"

18."i know you still love me"

19."please look at me"

20."why did you lie?"

21."since when did you guys get so close?"

21."No, don't cry. I hate it when you cry"

22."am I not good enough for you?"

23."i'm not jealous. fuck off"

24."i don't fucking care your supposed to be mine!"

25."you were staring at her ass"

26."im not stupid. who is she"

27."it's not you I don't trust"

28."Do you regret it?"

29."please don't hurt me like this"

30."im fine, stop asking"

31."I was only using you"

32."i give up"

smut

33."friends don't do this"

34."there's people here"

35."always so fuckin tight for me"

36."oh fuck. don't stop"

37."no, I'm supposed to be making you feel good"

38."im still sore from last night"

39."i want to hear you scream"

40."i had this dream and-fuck I need you to make it a reality"

41."shhh, just look at me baby"

42."c'mere, you can sit on my lap"

43."is all of this for me?"

44."dont you dare over up the hickeys"

45."hmm no panties?"

46."were not just friends and you fucking know it"

47."up for a one night stand"

48."all you had to do was ask"

[capriclonus]

I am in awe of your writing Cap. I can't believe how deftly you shift the emotional compass from sentence to sentence in a way that is totally honest and believable. It's absolutely mesmerising.

I'm new to fanfiction writing, and I'm just grateful that there are folks like yourself to learn from and inspire both to write and hopefully become better at the craft.

Do you have any advice for someone posting a smut scene for the very first time? I've known it's been coming up in my fic for a long time and next week is the week it'll finally be posted - and I'm already that anxious!

oh my god i am---------oh my god???????

oh my goodness gracious------

(my tiny gay heart cant take this)

Seriously, I don't know what to say to this. I don't know what I can say to this. This has blown my brains out. Thank you? Thank you. Oh my goodness gracious gay god, thank you!!!!

Okay, so *ahem* I honestly don't know how good I am at giving writing advice, but I will do my best for you. I'm going to put it beneath a cut off because, fuck me, can I waffle.

First off, let me say that if your writing is as eloquent as this ask is (and I'd bet my mother it is) then I'm sure your writing is already wonderful. Everything that we post is ultimately a learning experience and the more we write the more we find our style.

As for smut, well, that's always a daunting thing. It's a very vulnerable experience, and every single person who posts it is commendable. I know every single writer goes through the ball of anxiety that is first-time smut posting. Stupid as it sounds, the only way to do it is to do it. But I also find it very helpful to have someone I trust - a friend or a beta who understands my writing style and headspace - read it through first and offer their opinion. Nothing too critical because I find that doing that with an experience as scary and vulnerable as first-time smut can really put the writer off posting anything at all related to it. Also, don't be afraid to admit that nervousness to your readers; a lot of readers are really kind-hearted and, if they hear you are nervous about the scene, I am sure they will make extra effort to bolster your confidence in the comments. And if they don't, come get me, and I will smash their face across the keyboard until something positive comes out (I'm joking. Sort of.)

Ultimately (and this is the oldest line in the book I'm really not original), we write for ourselves. The advice I offer now is the same whether it's smut or not: if you are happy with what you've written, if you like what you've written, you've nailed it. That's all that matters. Obviously, we all love the crazed dopamine hit we get from comments and kudos and I won't feed you a line that they don't matter because they do to a lot of people, myself included. As fanfic writers we want people to like our writing, and we do what we do out of a passion that we want to share and a desire to connect to others that share that passion. I find that, at the end of the day, even if a fic of mine has low engagement, I can walk away happy because I am proud to have written it. That's what matters.

If you are lacking someone you trust enough to read it and be vulnerable with, then I hope you know I am happy to take that space, should you want me to. I'm always happy to help put more smut in the world lmfao! Also, if you want to dm me your fic when you've posted the smut, please do, because I will be there with an outpour of support in your comments.

(I am sorry if this wasn't overly helpful, I am writing this at 1am following a caffeine-fuelled writing spree. But I do find smut is one of those experiences where you just have to fuckin go for it, ass out. That confidence grows with time, and it starts with publishing your first piece.)

[aromanticannibal]

Transfem Katsuki (edited as of Nov. 2023. Katsuki hadn't died yet when this was written so bear with me.)

In honor of "fuck I thought about transfem Katsuki and now I'm in love with her again" and also because of a shitty discourse post I saw. Enjoy.

She will NOT figure it out until at least second year of UA.

She's always been uneasy about the whole boy thing. Specifically boy. Like she's one of the guys ok sure but she's not a boy.

We know how kind Aldera is to anyone who's slightly out of the norm (ie Deku) and Katsuki is especially aware given she was part of the problem. So yeah, internalized transphobia (+homophobia) we love to see it./s

Getting into UA and quickly realizing that like more than half the class is openly and proudly queer in some way gave her whiplash, and as much of a bully as she still was at this point, she didn't say anything.

She tried to convince herself it was to not get in trouble and gamble her place at UA, but really she was just glad to not be somewhere as fucked as her middle school.

And if the trans ponytail chick makes her question who she really wants to be... well that's nobody's business.

As I am very subtly implying, Momo ends up being a big part of Katsuki accepting herself and her identity as a trans woman.

Katsuki loves her friend group (she'll never admit it but she does, so much) but she associates them with her old group from Aldera somewhat unconsciously, and is terrified they'll push her away, even if she knows she's just. Straight up wrong.

As in, so incredibly wrong. Sero and Jirou are non binary ("Whatever the hell that means") Kirishima is a proud trans man ("More of a man than any of the cretins at Aldera will ever be") Mina's dating a trans girl from another school ("Camie Utsushit or smth") and Kaminari is so many different flavors of queer its almost impressive.

Really, her friends are probably the ones that should be worried, she tries to remind herself, hammering it in her head. Katsuki was an asshole for most of her life, they should be the ones scared of her. They're not though. For some fuckin' reason.

So yeah, talking to her friend group is out of the question. Momo though.

Momo is a special kind of trustworthy. Momo is the kind of person you'd give your entire life savings, your child, your car and your wife to. Katsuki hates that, she hates trusting people, it always ends badly, so she prefers doing stuff on her own.

Except it doesn't always end badly. Especially not with Yaomomo.

Every early saturday morning, Katsuki's and Momo's workout sessions happen at the same time. Eventually, they start talking during that time. Katsuki eventually asks about Momo being trans, more or less convinced she'll tell her to go fuck herself (she obviously doesn't).

It helps, despite the fact that her experience isn't the same as Katsuki's at all. Momo always knew she was a girl, her parents always were supportive about it, and money really wasn't a problem to help her transition once she was old enough to make that decision. Hell, she can literally make estrogen.

Katsuki then comes to the realization that yeah, she's probably a girl. Not like I'll ever do shit about it, she thinks.

Things kinda stay stagnant for a time then. Katsuki has way more important stuff to worry about (like exams and also her and her friends almost dying etc etc) and the self-hatred that simmers in her head constantly doesn't make it really fun to actually think about herself.

Second year comes around.

Because this is me, and my blog, and I do what I want, I present to you my son, Shinsou. Most trans guygirl t4t lesbian of all time. In my heart.

So Shinsou is very trans in the most mysterious way you could think of, so mysterious he himself doesn't really know what is going on with his gender. He doesn't exactly care, he just vibes (any pronouns).

They're pretty knowledgeable on queer stuff because it loves to read wikipedia pages until 5AM when it can't sleep and got lost on multiple LGBTQ+ related forums when she was 13. (He also knows a lot about chickens and lizards.)

She can just breathe the queer coming out of Katsuki, but when they ask they're just met with "oh Bakugou? Yeah no, he's cishet. Our token straight man. To prove we're diverse, etc." (-Shouji, entirely serious). Shinsou's not buying it but she doesn't like assuming, so he shuts up.

Meanwhile, Katsuki has nothing to think about anymore now that things have settled and she's not getting attacked by her self-hatred constantly, so she unfortunately ends up thinking about her gender (truly tragic. Genuinely though, it's almost distressing because she pushed the thought down for so long that it's scary to think about).

Because early mornings and nights are a time outside of our world, it's again around 5AM that Katsuki talks to someone who might help her with her gender problem. Shinsou in fact, who's of course awake on a Monday morning after a sleepless night, eating cereal out of the box.

Katsuki finds herself chatting with the weirdo and eventually asks what the fuck kinda gender it is, if only to be able to call her something else than the weirdo in her head.

The realization that gender is a construct and doesn't really fucking exist so it doesn't actually matter is somewhat of an epiphany for Katsuki. Like she's silent for multiple minutes. Shinsou is getting scared

Quietly, she mutters a small "I think I'm a girl" to Shinsou. It smiles and says "Nice. There's not enough girls in this class." and goes back to its cereal.

Katsuki has no fucking idea how that fucker exists. He's an anomaly in the timeline. Katsuki adores them.

(Platonically. Girl doesn't have time for romantic love. Yes I'm also making her aromantic, because aro Katsuki is the loml and one of my fave hcs.)

After that weird but insightful conversation, Katsuki finally asks Momo for help, taking her up on an offer she had made one morning. ("If you ever need my help for anything concerning [your gender bullshit], come see me.")

Momo being the absolute QUEEN that she is, she assembles all transgirls and cisgirls of the class + whoever else would like to join (which ends up being Jirou, Shinsou and Aoyama) and they all go on a shopping trip with Katsuki to help her figure out what she likes.

Does she want to wear makeup? Does she want feminine clothes? Or long hair? Does she want boobs? Or thinner traits?

Does she just want different pronouns and to be addressed viewed as a girl?

Mina shortens that as "What kinda girl is Katsuki".

I'll do you the answer here so this doesn't take forever, because the process of figuring it out must be long.

Mainly, the verdict will eventually be that Katsuki didn't really feel comfortable in the box she, her parents and Aldera put her in, which is a sort of vague idea of a Boy, Man, Son. She's mean and a bitch and probably a tomboy and she's a girl. That's all. She doesn't want of any of that flowery pink crap and being "gracefully feminine" like Momo is, she'll still kick your teeth in. Being a girl isn't fundamentally part of her identity or her personality, but it's who she's comfortable being.

She does enjoy skirts once she feels comfortable enough to wear them. She grows her hair a bit too (because she doesn't wanna look like her mother at first, but she ends up liking the look) and puts it up in a ponytail.

Makeup is a bitch but it looks cool, so she lets Mina, Aoyama and Shinsou use her face as a canevas for their weird makeup experiments. She thinks she looks like a clown half the time though (she doesn't, she's really cute). She mostly does eyeliner, which she already knew how to do before starting her transition, and very rarely lipgloss.

She doesn't really care about having breasts or softer traits, mainly because her traits are already pretty androgynous when she looks at herself, and she's already got big pecs so like. Basically tits. It's the same, it doesn't really matter. She's happy with how her body looks, she worked to have a healthy body and she doesn't care if it's "not a woman's body" or whatever the fuck. She likes how her body is and she doesn't really care about changing it.

She thinks of using she/they (like Jirou) but doesn't exactly care about they/them? Like they're not bad to have used on her (way better than he/him) but she prefers just using she/her.

She doesn't change her first name. It means victory, so it's already perfect for her. It's her name.

Some of her friends (the ones who aren't scared of death cough cough Shinsou) call her Katsuki-chan (Kacchan is copyrighted) but most her friends call her Kats', because she let slip one time she thinks it's cute.

To end this because good lord I've been typing for some time, here's my Transfem Bakugou pinterest board. I actually have a bunch of transfem characters pinterest boards lmao

Also realizing I almost didn't talk about Izuku. Damn I've really betrayed myself as a bkdk truther. Rip.

[gumgumvibecheck]

o u o! for the ask game: 1, 9, 12, 15, 23, 42, 58, annnnnd 60.

tysm for playin av!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

i loooove coffee mugs deff have the most of those but i must admit i would be lost w/o my trusty water bottle

9. favorite smell in the summer?

theres the way air smells at elevation on summer mornings when its still cool and the pine is hanging on like the thin little suggestions of humidity they muster up in the mountain west and its the greatest thing in the world

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Nothing With Teeth (from the phrase 'trust nothing with teeth')

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner. blew the doors clean off my brain

23. strange habits?

i mean fuckin millions of em but i am obsessive about cracking the binding of books (that i personally own) as i read them

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

i wear womens jeans mostly so the pocket offerings are abysmal. save me jacket pockets. jacket pockets save me

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

-the persian language skills i have manged to maintain

-rumors of my illiteracy are greatly exaggerated and im not a half terrible writer

-im a really good researcher

-proficient in library of congress and dewy decimal systems

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

battle shonnen that has more odyssey elements like one piece or hunter x hunter. give me the explosions and the adventure

[nothingfromnowherenooneatall]

Americans are wild tbh. Like, there’s a certain subset of (white) americans who, upon discovering The Truth of their country’s history, that will desperately flock to shite like 23&Me to scrounge up any form of identity they can that isn’t American, and then proceed to be so violently cringe inducing about it. Had this happen with a guy I knew while I spent a year at an American Uni; dude took an ancestry kit, found out that he had one (1) Scottish ancestor like 200 years ago, and has proceeded to be an absolute melter about it, I mean proper glaikit cunt behaviour. Fuckin started putting his ‘clan’ name in his Social Media bios, started cuttin about wae a kilt anywhere and everywhere, shite like that. Also decided he’s Irish Pagan too? No fuckin idea where that came from tbh.

My point being, this cunt got so defensive when I spoke to him to say “Hey, I appreciate that you’re doing this with the best intentions, but some of this is a little inappropriate/not the best way to go about it” and holy fucking shit this man? Tried to tell me? That I can’t tell him off? for wearing a kilt? despite him not being Scottish? Because I? Skateboard? Even though I’m not American?

Trust me when I say, this shit was in the top 5 most enraged I’ve ever been in my life, I was ready to kill this man.

And the thing is, its so emblematic of so, so many Styrofoam Scots to not only completely misunderstand Scottish culture and identity, but also to ignore when an actual Scottish person is telling them it’s inappropriate.

To add additional context; He has never been to Scotland, no one in his family speaks the Gàidhlig, no one has passed this culture onto him, he’s just taken it. I am the only Scottish person he had ever met by this point, and he didn’t want to hear the opinion of someone who’s actually from the culture he’s appropriating.

Like, its so, so American, to feel so ashamed of your history of genocide and racism, so run to be anything else, and still fuckin take someone else’s culture, rather than do the work to make your own culture something to be proud of.

And even then, so many of these Styrofoam Scots completely ignore our own history of participating in… *checks notes*

Oh yeah, The British Empire

Scotland isn’t fuckin outlander, it hasn’t been for a long time, and it probably never was. What it is, is a neo colonial hellhole that’s under the thumb of a dying and outmoded political alliance that’s drunk on the nostalgia of a genocidal Empire, wracked with poverty, unable to enact our own democracy, and plundered for its natural resources by capitalist interests (Quite a few of them American; Aberdeen has never recovered), and still trying to shake off the bullshit tourism and gentrification of an entire culture brought on by Walter Scott and his cunt friends. We’re still trying to restore the Gàidhlig to where it used to be before the clearances, and we will NEVER get back the history that we lost in those years, so its not the place of some limp liberal, LARPing as a culture he isn’t to take a language for his own that was taken from us.

Scotland, and by extension, Scottish Identity, or any other identity for that matter, is not something that white american liberals (because its usually them) can use to shield themselves from the uncomfortable truths of their history and excuse themselves from doing the work to make their culture something to actually be proud of.

(And if that one guy is reading this;

Get my language out your fucking mouth, maorach.)

Anyway thanks for coming to my TEDTalk.

Trans Liberation Now, Free Palestine, Sudan and Congo, Stop using Fossil Fuels, Abortion Rights for All, Fuck the Police and End Imperialism.

[possumsinpeoplesuits]

It's coming up on 18 years since I first came out to my family as trans, and I've been getting increasingly infuriated at the way people talk about transitioning being "too easy" because the younger trans community (sometimes) doesn't have to go through the same hoops I did, and just...

I was fucking twelve when I came out, okay? I came out during the Bush years, in a town of less than five thousand people in rural Texas. I didn't know a single other trans person, I barely even knew it was possible. Instead of being allowed puberty blockers, or hormones, I was subjected to two different kinds of conversion therapy and a god damn exorcism.

I had to watch my body go through the wrong puberty, had to keep myself from total despair with absolutely zero support. I have been beaten, I have been harassed, and I came out the other side with a half dozen suicide attempts and PTSD so bad that my body just shut my adrenal glands down on me.

At no point in this torture did I ever doubt that I was still trans. When I hit 18, I immediately went the self-medication route and managed my own spironolactone and estradiol until I "looked" trans enough for everyone to suddenly flip script and believe the things I'd been saying since I was in fucking middle school.

And y'know what? When I started hormones, and I started introducing myself with my preferred name, and got to live how I wanted? I was absolutely elated. Despite all the mental troubles, the fact that I lived in a literal barn, all that, I was so god damned overjoyed that I finally got to be me.

My dad apologized with tears in his eyes one night that he hadn't supported me. I forgave him because, well... he trusted the people who told him that I couldn't be trans and autistic, or that I was only transfem because I hated him (I didn't, but it was enough to tear our relationship apart), or even that me knowing so early must've been a sign of FUCKING RAPE.

This man had no information to go off of except for what these abusive fucks told him. I had to sit and argue and try to educate as a twelve year old, and it got me nowhere because the fundamentalists around us had a monopoly on information, and their biases were profound.

So now, when I hear people talking about trans kids today, acting like it's easy because transitioning is even an option for them, or that friend groups of LGBT teens can be out and proud, or even have supportive parents (if they're lucky)... and then they talk about that like it's a bad thing? That we should roll back progress on the off chance that the one in however many hundreds of transitioners detransitions, because of the erroneous belief that transition is "too easy" and that the widespread abuse of the past was a good thing because there were less out trans people?

I get absolutely fucking enraged. I crawled through this shit like a half-stomped cockroach so these kids wouldn't have to go through what I did. I've talked and been open about my experiences to educate people, I've been patient when people say ignorant shit because I have to be the good example, the picture of mental stability of someone who's gone through transition and came out the other side as a healthier individual.

I'm not allowed to show the scars they gave me. I am not allowed to fuck up, or fail, because this panopticon of transphobia will latch onto anything they can to say that me finally getting to live is a bad thing. I will sit, and act the part of a fuckin' saint, and gently try to change minds, to make them understand that the years I lost were an unnecessary cruelty that has no place in a modern, loving world.

But beneath that cool, patient exterior, I will always be angry. Angry for the cruelty, and the nostalgia for cruel times that, I should remind everyone, barely even paused before this backlash started to bring them back.

Whenever I hear that trans people shouldn't have support, that they should have to beg and crawl and bleed just to be themselves, like I did, like most people in my generation did, I have to sit there, so thick skinned I'm nothing but callouses, and I have to argue so very gently for the lives of everyone like me, because the moment I lash out, I lose.

Today, I am someone who's on a list the attorney general of my state demanded of everyone who has legally changed their gender marker in Texas. I am watching propagandists fabricate blood libel about us out of thin air. There's a firehose of falsehoods drowning out everything true about trans people, and playing peacekeeper ain't helping. So, to all the transphobes out there, here's a comment eighteen years overdo:

Go facefuck yourself with a shotgun, and leave trans kids alone. Just deepthroat it down to the fucking stock, and choke on it.

Now back to our regularly scheduled shitposting.

[veetlegeuse]

i told myself i wasn’t going to make a sappy new years post but i’m home alone and stuck with my thoughts so i thought, why not? this has easily been one of the hardest years of my life. i’ll spare everyone the gory details and instead say this: 2022 can suck my fuckin’ nuts.

that being said, i did have a really good handful of keeping me afloat. so i’m gonna talk about them. 😤

my og tumblr besties, my southside spooktacular ghouls, the freakin’ loves of my life, thank you for always being around and dealing with my dumb ass, from health scares to oc shenanigans, i freakin’ love you guys.

@waterloou — lou. my freakin’ soulmate. my forever writing partner. i love you so much. thank you for allowing me to immediately ramble about anything and everything at any given moment. thank you for trusting me with your lovingly created characters. thank you for helping me grow, as a writer, as an editor, as a person. you are incredible and i hope you stay in my life forever.

@humangrumpycat — laurien. thank you for blessing me with your absolutely brilliant mind. you are so creative, so smart. your rewrite of stranger things is genuinely better than the original. the suffer brothers could never. i know i’m terrible at responding to you, but please know that i see you and i see what you create and i feel so goddamn honored to be privy to it.

@s-s-southsideserpentine — court. my fellow libra queen. you have been such an insane help to me this year. delicate would honestly not have been nearly as good without your constant support and help. you have no idea how much it means to me that you have been around to read and edit literally almost at a moment’s notice. thank you for that, and for always introducing me to cool music and cool shows and swapping opinions and theories with me.

moving on to my new discord girlies, the co-captains of the s.s. friendship, the keepers of the greenhouse. when anna mentioned adding some new friends to a group chat, i was apprehensive, but i was introduced to two of the sweetest souls and i am so grateful.

@joaquinwhorres — anna. i love that we have become such good friends this year. it has been so refreshing to be friends with someone so open to communication, who doesn’t shy away from tough conversations. it has been so fun getting to know you better and hearing your teacher stories and seeing the kind of work you do outside of the incredible work you do on the internet. also, my phone will forever want to correct ‘the’ to ‘thé’ for the rest of time thanks to you. a constant reminder of our friendship.

@bobfloydsbabe — helena. you sweet, sweet angel. you are so full of love and light, so kind and so thoughtful. i say this with love, it is a wonder that someone as wonderful as you came from such a chaotic family. i just adore you to pieces and i am so proud to say i know you. i am so glad anna introduced us.

@rae-gar-targaryen — rae. we met during a drama storm, and you instantly saw me giving my most rabid dog protector energy and still accepted me anyway lmao. you are easily one of the coolest people i’ve met on the internet, your way with words is incredible, and it has been so, so nice getting to know you.

and, of course, last but certainly not least, my smoshy partner in crime.

@carmens-garden — anna-maria. every conversation we have brings me so much joy. i love having a friend who is into smosh as much as i am, and i love that that mutual love brought us together, because you are wonderful. you are such a joy, and so sweet and so generous. it is an absolute pleasure to be your friend.

i hope 2023 brings y’all everything you deserve and more. 🫶🏼

[saltsprite]

ALL THE FANFIC ASK MEMES and go in descending order from most recent works with [insert fic]

i dont know why i thought you wouldnt do this to me

@steine-druff & @ckerouac​ yall buckle up too here we go

(from questions for fic writers)

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?) tame! it’s short, very sweet, kinda domestic, easy peasy

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits? in this order, 1-5: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergent; Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot; Oral Sex; Alternate Universe - Modern Setting; Light Angst. .........yeah it me LOL

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics? well apparently my writing is very Horny lmao but i try to switch it up regularly and explore new things, so i don’t know that i can pin down just one thing! if i really had to, i try to write like a good film that holds the camera on its actors to just let their scenes breathe and their actors act

4. What detail in [tame] are you really proud of? cobb calling grogu ‘sweet pea’ hehe <3

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about [secretary]? Answer it now! Q: is Din a little tsundere there? A: yes >;3

6. What’s one fact about the universe of [pearls before beskar] that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself? pearls are a bitch to clean ;3

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of? i made two OCs to live in Mos Pelgo/Freetown, both completely accidentally named after towns in Texas -- a young woman named Odessa, and a big burly dude (gender-neutral) with a huge beard named Sweetwater

8. What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)? i can’t really think of any! i also don’t usually adapt things 1:1 from anything, so even when i do take inspiration from a song it’s more about the general vibe or expanding on an idea in the lyrics 

9. How do you find new fic to read? i... need to get better at it ;lkdfj;ald

10. How do you decide what to write? first and foremost it has to Vibe hard enough that i can spin off from that initial kernel of an idea

11. Are you partial to a certain character/pairing or are you more equal-opportunity? If you are partial to any character/pairing, why do you think that is? i spend most of my time in DinCobb, but i am deeply fond of BobaCobb. like obviously DinCobb scratches a deep cowboy itch, but with BobaCobb, there’s just such an interesting dynamic of them both having (essentialy) worn Jango’s soul. it’s a profoundly tight thread that binds them together, reinforced by their mutual friendships with Din, that i just cannot get enough of

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you? “tropes”, more like “kinks” LMAO -- which is to say, that’s for me to know and you to try and figure out while you read my smut

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore? really just depends on who writes it! 

14. Are there any tropes you would only read if written by a trusted friend or writer? YES. anything involving a power dynamic that’s kinda icky irl (like doctor/patient). also f/f version of a m/m ship. also BobaFen. 

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written? that same old song and dance -- the one where Cobb and Din are both young bounty hunters hired on the same job and it goes tits-up when Cobb is accidentally drugged, and they fuck after they save each other and the drugs wear off; and then meet again in canon

16. What’s an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)? im gonna fucken write a DinCobb Evangelion someday fuckin WATCH ME

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it? oh i already wrote that LOLLLLL my precious DinCobb Utena AU

18. If you wrote a sequel to [rabbit heart], what would it involve? take that predator trope and suplex it to break its neck by having wolf!Din become Cobb’s homemaker, so that jackalope!Cobb can come home to a happy pup of a man

19. If you wrote a spin-off of [sugar pie, honey bun(ny)], what would it involve? Fennec Shand with her fingers in her ears plotting out how much dick and pussy she’ll need to forget about this

20. If you wrote a prequel to [sweet like strawberry], what would it involve? oooohhh their first meeting, i think

21. If you wrote a “missing scene” in [once bitten, twice shy], what would it be? ch2, Raylan gets his hat back smelling like Ezra and only once he’s home and the door is locked he’s shoving his nose into the sweatband to huff Ezra’s smell and try not to jerk off about it (and fail)

22. Who is your favorite character in [four times lucky] and why? Boba Fett LMAO cheeky bastard <3

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to? lovers to enemies >:]

24. Are there any easter eggs in [take my revolution], and if so, what are they? as im typing out “ah jeez i don’t even use easter eggs” i am reminded that i am a stinky liar, i absolutely put Kaoru Miki and Himemiya Anthy in my Utena AU fic. i was gonna have a scene where Utena herself appears but i could never figure out how to do it gracefully so i gave up on that (because the trick to AUs is actually to change the AU to fit the characters, not to change the characters to fit the AU, so if i can’t do it gracefully then it’s a sign that the idea is shit)

25. What other websites or resources do you use most often when you write? Wookieepedia, thesaurus

26. Would you rather write a fic that had no dialogue or one that was only dialogue? oh fuck these are both good challenges,,,,,,, at this point i’d say “fic that’s only dialogue” for the challenge 

27. How long did it take to write [the ground you walk on]? Describe the process. aka the one with the Boot Stuff. process was to 1) watch Cobb Vanth’s glorious return in TBOBF 2) get horny as fuck 3) whip this out in like a day in a fervent fugue state

28. Does anyone read your fics before you post them? If so, who? hahahahaha i never beta :’)

29. What songs would be (or are) on a playlist for [shrouded]? Explain your choices if you want! beautiful stranger, by halsey; want to be missed, by hayley kiyoko. idk why but the sapphics tap into a level of gay yearning that nears divinity for me

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter? ohhh definitely my 34k DinCobb Utena AU, so far. it taught me that outlines are what drive your story, if you don’t have an outline to fish-bone off of you’re gonna have a bad time

31. What’s your ideal fic length to write? 4k-ish? max

32. What’s your ideal fic length to read? tbh my upper limit is about 30k these days. not everything needs to be 100k!

33. If you write chaptered fics, what’s your ideal chapter length to write? Is it different from your ideal chapter length to read? this is so subjective based on the overall length of story haha but i usually only do oneshots 

34. What aspects of your writing are inspired by/taken from your real life? any cats named Rusty, parental issues, anything a character does out of Responsibility 

35. What aspects of your writing are completely unlike your real life? first of all they’re fictional space DILFs, my complete and thorough opposite,

36. Do you visualize what you read/write? YES, it’s the second step in the process. step 1, VIBES. step 2, SEE IT. step 3, ATTEMPT TO DESCRIBE

37. Promote one of your own “deep cut” fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves!). What do you like about it? y’know what? i think i’ll do a couple. 1) waste not -- far as i know im the first to use the Virgin Cobb Vanth tag and you best believe i am smug as shit about that. he’s a lone wolf!! Mos Pelgo isn’t a place for him to live, it’s a place to protect!! 2) that same old song and dance -- it’s mentioned elsewhere in this post but i’ll plug it here again just because it was so much fun to write and i want people to like my dumb children

38. Did any of your fics get surprisingly popular (whatever that means to you)? Which ones? Why do you think they were so successful? salt in the wound, maybe! my first BobaCobb. i remain surprised that BobaCobb is so rare as it is, given the incomprehensibly intricate ways in which canon now binds these two together. but i think i was one of the first(ish) writers to feel like they needed their own fic space, and not just be in the background as leftovers from other pairings

39. Is any aspect of your writing process inspired by other writers or people? If so, who? everyone who mentioned that outlines help them write <3

40. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person? ohhhh i reread. i likes my comforts foods :3 

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.” that’s what you’re good at, by ghost_teeth like.......... shit, fam.

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason? ohhhhh, yes. a very sweet reader once said they liked my take on Din Djarin so much, they’d want me to write a whole novel of him TT^TT <3

43. If you take/write prompts: what’s your favorite prompt fic that you’ve written? n/a

44. If you take/write prompts: do you prefer dialogue or scenario/narrative prompts? n/a

45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic? pacing, i think, and being willing to let go of scenes that might not entirely fit

46. Do you prefer writing on your phone or on a computer (or something else)? Do you think where you write affects the way you write? pc for sure. i can write on my phone, but i prefer a keyboard. feels like the ideas come out faster on keyboard!

47. If [da capo (or: to the beginning)] was a pair of shoes, what kind would it be? Describe the shoes. the shoes you bought for an occasion that you didn’t think you’d like all that much, but are now part of your usual rotation

48. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it? Hallmark Meeting! it’s cute and deliciously smutty

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it! i’m gonna try my hand at some original long fic that i can hopefully shop around!  I don’t think. I kiss him.  Or, rather:  I tumble head-first into the sweet cavern of his mouth. By the flat of his tongue, he tucks me into the space where his top front teeth meets his soft palate and holds me there, safe and secreted. He holds me there, across my cheek, at my waist; he is the bank of my river, guiding me to flow into his lap. A blessing, his hands. Diligent, his kiss.

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about! there needs to be more anime in Mandalorian fic, and i mean that in ways i cannot fully articulate. like,,,,,,, not anime AUs necessarily but themes and storytelling styles and tropes more common in non-Western media

[charlottedabookworm]

Dawntrail Day 3+4

spoilers up to: 4th zone, lvl 95 questchain (including 3rd dungeon)

original draft date: 30/6/24-1/7/24

scheduled release for: 28/7/24

had to work for day three of early access unfortunately so i'm merging these into one, hoping to get to at least the 95 dungeon and maybe most of the way to the 97 one

*

please be koana please be koana please-

*

mood ali mood

*

yeeees we got koana! thank fuck otherwise there would have been a murder of either bakool ja ja or sareel ja

*

a third split zone? huh

that's new

*

a brief interlude for AR rou and a proper glam for picto

*

oh wow, i thought this place was like. wild fires

not from the war between the mamool ja and xbr’aal

fucking hell

*

love the long running joke about alphi’s skill woth collecting firewood

that one will never get old lol

*

pfft

ali fell down a cenote! ahhh the true rdm experience lol

*

“As I recall, you are an accomplished culinarian.”

erm krile

krile no

culinarian is my least leveled crafter it’s not even lvl 50 yet i am by no stretch of the imagination and accomplished culinarian

*

wuk lamat i love you you fucking tell him

*

hmmmm

This doesn’t bode well does it

damn

*

oh

his daughter was pushed fuck

*

oh

wuk lamat is his daughter

he gave her up to keep her safe, gave her to the dawnsevant cos who would protect her better

fuuuuck

*

well that secret didn’t last long did it?

fuckin bakool ja ja

i wanna stab that guy rn

*

so many good options here, i with i could pick them all xD

*

okay this was a very nice duty enjoyed this one a lot

very satisfying

*

…zoraal ja got disqualified

this is not going to end wall

*

…what are you planning

i trust you even less than zoraal ja and bakool ja ja combined

something is so fucking up with you

*

ah cool bakool ja ja gets thwir dickishness from their dad cool cool

at least he comes by it honestly?

because wow zereel ja is a dick

nothing like calling all of your children useless and banishing your son because he was defeated by a non mamool ja

damn I’m actually feeling empathy for bakool ja ja rn fuck the whine he let out when they were banished was just-

*

fuck

yeah okay he's a dick adn it doesn't excuse his actions and it doesn't make anyting better but fuck i can understadn why now

*

pfft

*

koana has already made the choice to give up the rite, hasn’t he

well, maybe not the rite. but the throne, certainly

*

koana you-

you’re great dude, i love the way that youve developed over the rite i love the way that you have looked at yourself and gone ‘i don’t think i’m right to be dawnservant’

just yeah

koana best brother

*

also i love that this instance is still literally two tanks two healers and four dps

got an actual full party here to face gulool ja jas shade lol

*

ketenramm???

*

…wuk lamat is calling him tankwa but-

a make roe who does look a little like the flashbacks and he-

he’s definitely ketenramm isn’t h-

ketenramm confirmed!

*

ayyy dungeon 3 unlocked!

skydeep cenote here i come!

as soon as i put the washing out

*

gods there are so many children buried here in this dungeon

*

“Don’t tell me it’s the Allagans again”

Ali out here being the biggest mood in existence

*

okay one, the song playing when wuk lamat does her speech? Love it need it desperately wanna listen to it again

And

Two

“THE DAWNSERVANT DOESNT NEED TO BE A SINGLE PERSON, DOES IT?”

she’s not-

she wouldn’t-

(i hope she is cos i-)

*

“Be Dawnservant with me Koana!”

yessssss!

*

“He would have been proud”

and then the looks on koana and wuk lamats’s faces-

they already knew

gulool ja ja the vow of reason is dead, one of their fathers is dead, and they already knew

they knew and they went along with their fathers deception anyway

Fuuuuck sometimes this game breaks my heart

*

i have a bad feeling aboi thi-

Ketenramm!

fuck don’t be dead

(this is either zoraal ja or sareel ja or both and i’m-)

*

wuk evu is great i love wuk evu

*

ngl every time they mention tacos (basically every time they’re in tuliyollal) i’m just like

‘when will raha get tacos?’

like i’m really glad this exp so far has focused far more on new characters than old scions but it would be nice to see raha and yshtola again soon

*

“Then, perhaps we could travel together?”

yes yes YES

fuck yeah lets go erenville i’ve been wanting more time with you all expansion so far!!!

*

zoraal ja what are you doing you fucker-

oh great sareel ja is still there

annnnnd he’s nicked the key from the dawnservants vault fucking great

i hate sareel ja so much

also you better not have killed ketenramm

*

oh?

mystery woman from the trailer perhaps?

*

oh great zoraal ja is laughing maniacally and saying thatbhis desire is the world itself

wonderful

i’m still waiting for sareel ja to stab him in backkkkk

Oh

oh

okay

Erm

ngl that’s not the way i expected that to go fuck

guess zoraal ja is the actual antagonist the good to know

wonderful

*

in other news sunforged is a fucking awesome title

*

Erenville name reveal!!!!

*

the pretty man is not wrong lol

*

[rainydazyjay]

It’s only appropriate to add some #thankyous too. (Also in no particular order)

- DJC

I don’t think I could ever express just how grateful I am for you. You are the sweetest, smartest, silliest little guy ever (not so little though😅😭) and I just love being your mama. You make me smile every single day with how sweet you are and you crack me up with how silly you are. Motherhood is not fuckin easy but you make it so beautifully worth every hard part. I thank God every day for the gift of not only being a mother, but being YOUR mother. You are beautiful inside and out. I am so proud of who you are. And I promise I will keep trying to do this shit right and I also promise that when I don’t get it right I will try to make it right. I love you and I thank you for being the light my life needed.

- Phia

I love being your auntie!! You are my baby girl always, no matter how old you get! I was only 16 when you were born and we have both watched each other grow. You were my first cheerleader (I’ll never forget hearing your sweet voice during my graduation) and you still always have so much confidence and trust in me and I never want to let you down. You have been one of the biggest, best parts of my life ever since you came into it. I love all the girly stuff we get to do together (another nail/shopping girl date is in order soon) and I love all the deep conversations we have. I am thankful we stayed so close even after I had a kid of my own. I remember being pregnant and being scared we wouldn’t stay close because I’d have my hands full and you were a crazy 3 year old at the time. Instead you became an amazing big cousin and one of his absolute favorite people too.

- Emu

You are a beautiful soul inside and out. You made my time spent at bhs worth every minute. You are my sister, my confidant, my wife for life. You can read my face better than anyone without a word spoken. You gave me another beautiful niece who I have also fallen in love with. I am so proud of the mother, sister, friend, daughter, and woman you are. You are the Emu to my Jackass. The Bernie to my George. Our tattoos perfectly sum up our relationship and I can’t wait to add another set on our asses. I never knew I could be so in love platonically until you came into my life and made it a million times better. You are my family and I thank you for sticking around through all my crazy. I love you always.

- Bananas

You are the only sibling that 1000% understands it all. It’s wild how much we used to fight when we were little and how we grew to be so close. I am so thankful for you and the ways you look out for me even though I am your older sister. I will always look out for you too. You will always have a friend in me. I could not picture my life without our hours long phone calls, random girls nights, blunt sessions, vent sessions, and ass kicking sessions. I’d rip a bitch off you and punch some pussies in your defense any day of the week. We have the craziest stories (literally nobody would even believe the shit we have seen/done) and one day we are going to write a book together just to make sure these stories don’t ever die.

- Alicia

You have always been my favorite big sister. You took me places and bought me school clothes and tried to do things better than our family did. You were the first person to take me to get my nails done. You bought me my 8th grade semi formal dress. (Which I still have somewhere😭) You looked out for me and always encouraged me. You gave me a beautiful goddaughter/niece and you have been such a good mama to her. You never back down and you always stood up for me even punching the bitch who tried to pick on me when I was 4. You are a wonderful woman and you kick ass at any and everything you set your mind to. I am so proud of you.

- Justin

You are my goofy goober. You drive me absolutely bonkers sometimes but you are so cute and so sweet and so funny that it’s all worth the chaos. You have undoubtedly been one of the biggest influences in making me who I am as a person. I will fight for you always. I am thankful you are my brother and one of my favorite guys in the world.

- L & J

You guys have been like parents to me and I am so thankful for the things y’all do for Bean and even for me. I was so wary to let my guard down with you guys after everything that happened but I don’t regret giving you guys the chance at all. We have developed our own family relationship and I truly do love you guys. Shannon tells me about the lovely things you say of me when I am not around and I just hope you guys know I think the world of you too.

- Archie

You might not realize how much you’ve impacted my life but just know you’re hot as fuck and I’m happy we have plans to look forward to because you are so much fun to be around. You met me when I was at the height of disaster and you never once rushed or pushed me. You made me feel safe during a time I didn’t think that would have been possible. You are so calming to be around and you always smell so damn delicious. (You also are delicious🤤) thank you for the memes and for not judging my psycho fantasies and even being willing to indulge my crazy ass 😅😅 not sure I ever would have told anybody else about the stuff I told you 😅😅😅

- CK

- thank you for the fun times we shared! I still love the songs you showed me. I will always smile when I hear the two songs that had us cracking up when we were just trying to quickly fuck in your pickup behind that store in the industrial park 🤣🤣🤣 thanks for boosting my confidence cuz I am so comfortable doing some kinky shit because of you. Also thanks for the mirror placement ideas 🫣😘

- BW

I appreciate you more than you know. You are so sweet and always thinking of me. You check on me so much and always help me when I need it. You are literally one of the most generous people in the world. I’ll always do my best to reciprocate cuz you need to know you are special too. I will keep every note you wrote me cuz they give me diabeetus when I need sumn sweet. Thank you for being you.

-Boobear

Lmao oh fuzz nugget, how I loved our stupid ass names for each other. Komodo Dragon, Frodo, sack master and sack wimp, etc. You were my first love. You put me through hell but also brought so much wonderfulness into my life. I am glad we got to talk shit out and we both got to apologize for the part we played in our demise. I don’t regret a minute of our time together. I do sometimes wish I didn’t cover your name but I am glad you still proudly wear mine.

Teachers: Lester!! You were a safe space and didn’t make me feel like a criminal because of my scars. Howard!! You were one of the funniest and coolest teachers ever and you asked me what was wrong when you saw a shift in me. You took the time to care about every child you came across. Townsend!! You were hilarious and put up with some pretty weird shit from me. Including the whole Sheila/Joss debacle with the other teacher I only saw at lunch 🤣🤣🤣😅 that will always be one of my favorite moments from BHS ever because of how fucking ridiculously funny that was. Nessralla!! You were the principal and you were kind of tough on everyone. You read my writing piece and you bought me a book and wrote the sweetest note in it. I still have it and it’s so special to me because of what you wrote. Thank you for seeing so much potential in little me. Balbina, Chris, Sharice! You ladies were counselors and program directors and you guys were my favorite part of coming in in the mornings. You all made everyone feel welcome and like we mattered. You guys supported me in so many ways including paying for my honors class when it was completely outside of the dual enrollment classes you guys could provide. You guys are the reason I graduated at all!

- Raymond

You are literally an Angel walking amongst us. I will never be able to repay you for what you did that day. You stopped and helped us and I don’t know if any of us would be alive if you hadn’t. I appreciate you also taking the time to show up for court which in turn gave me a chance to thank you and ask you for one more favor. The letter you wrote is heartbreaking but so helpful. You remembered details I blocked out due to trauma. This letter is everything we need in court to get everything squared away when I finally go back. You stepped in to protect me and my child and we are complete strangers. And I may barely know you, but I’ll never forget you because of that.

There’s so many more people I could thank but I’ll be back

[sloppysmooches]

82023

i hate how change stresses me out so much, also just little things recently have been irking me. we kicked our drummer out of the band yesterday and it feels really strange, for me it was a little unexpected like timeline wise but it needed to be done he just wasnt taking it as seriously as me and everyone else and his morals are skewed as fuck. im excited for our new direction though, i really am manifesting being the like sole singer and us getting another drummer and then the lead guitarist being on bass because i just really want to shine vocally and its hard when im still a beginner on bass.

ive been thinking about my friendships a lot recently and more and more its hard to feel like i have a best friend anymore. its partially my fault for holding resentment against her and just letting it fester but im sure if i bring it up shes gonna whip out her best arguing skills which i have none of and make me feel not so valid. i was telling her i was stressed out about our show last night bc at the time i didnt know how i was gonna get home and i was really hoping she’d offer me a ride because in less than a heartbeat id do it for her but all she said was be careful out there text me updates which was nice i guess but idk i was expecting more.

it hurts so bad because in all my friendships regardless of how long ive met them if i feel a strong connection id die for them and no one feels that way for me except maybe one person but also idk if she’s genuine. maybe it’s because i have trust issues or quiet bpd lol.

i always feel like pushing everyone away and disappearing for a year like serena on gossip girl but that isnt very realistic. it just sucks because in friendships i bring so much to the table and no one seems to care as much as i do.

even on my friendiversary with my best friend she didnt seem to care, id ask so many questions about our friendship like favorite moments and stuff like that and her response is always idk. another thing that i hold on to is how on her 21 birthday i was like lets all say our fave things about her and when i said mine she just smiled but when our other friend whose her other bff basically said the same thing as me she screamed and jumped across the table to hug her and it felt idk degrading idk if thats the right word.

i think ill just do what im best at slowly pulling away. its so painful when she says shell always be there for me but if i send a text saying explicitly that im struggling she skips right over it and changes the topic. she wont even cuddle with me which isnt the hugest deal among everything obviously but it’s important to me and she seems grossed out whenever i even touch her hand yet shes so touchy with everyone else.

quick topic switch, i have a call back for a job on tuesday, hopefully they actually call me. my dads been so evil about the band and me not going to school or being employed but its a discussion we have so so so often and he never listens to me and hes never proud of me, all he gives a fuck about is himself and his wife and she doesnt even know the extent of his real personality in my opinion. but im manifesting this job bc its so close and i like the atmosphere and its heavy on selling merchandise and i can work on being more talkative to the public so idk itd be cool i guess.

sorry this entry is so fuckin long omg

[lynn-writes-things]

JJK x “WOULD YOU STILL LOVE ME IF I WAS A WORM?”

ft: Yuuji Itadori; Megumi Fushiguro; Nobara Kugisaki; Toge Inumaki; Maki Zenin; Yuuta Okkatsu; Satoru Gojo; Kento Nanami; Suguru Geto; Toji Fushiguro; Choso Kamo; Ryomen Sukuna

cw: just a buncha’ fluff, enjoy

Yuuji:

- confused!! so confused!!!!

- “uh, like, a literal worm?”

- he’d wiggle his finger in a wormly manner for emphasis

- when you tell him yes, a literal worm, you can actually see how hard his brain is working to make sense of this

- “I mean, sure, why not! 😁 ..WAIT BUT WHAT IF I CRUSH YOU ON ACCIDENT?? ☹️”

Megumi:

- “…a worm?”

- “a worm!!”

- “no”

- he’s not budging on this

- will insist that he loves you, but he only wants to love you as yourself

- not as a fucking worm

- he has a personal grudge against worms after coming second place to one all his life

- thanks toji

Nobara:

- “ew, no”

- she does NOT like bugs

- BUT she does like you

- so you totally can convince her to change her mind by saying that you’d still love her if she was a worm

- “I guess I could keep you in my purse or something.”

Inumaki:

- “salmon” with a very firm nod

- no hesitation

- he was ready, he knew this day would come

- the question everyone with a gf must be prepared to answer someday

- immediately sends/shows you this:

- like he had it cued up and ready to go

Maki:

- “no??”

- don’t worry she’ll cave

- if you pout when she tells you no, then she will feel bad and rectify her answer

- probably with a loud sigh

- “fine, yes I would still love you if you were a worm”

- “now stop acting stupid” (affectionate..?)

Yuuta:

- again, very confused

- but after a moment of confusion, he smiles and tells you yeah

- “of course, I’d love you no matter what!”

- “I’d just have to keep you extra safe! ☺️”

- if he could love Rika as a curse, then yeah, he can love you as a simple lil worm

Gojo:

- laughs

- you probably will not get an actual response unless you diligently persist with the question

- if you ask enough times, he’ll finally honor you with a response

- “you’re already so weak, butttttt, yes I’d still love you if you were a puny little worm😁”

- he’d totally build/buy you a little wormy mansion

- trust me babes you’ll be living the wormy life of luxury

- tbh might buy it anyways just to show you how much he does love you 💙

Nanami:

- very caught off guard by the question

- “…did Gojo come up with this?”

- if you tell him that no, no one put you up to this, you just want to know if he’d still love you if you were a worm...

- he’d say no

- like Megumi, he would spend time assuring you of his love for you

- he just… is far too rational of a man to love a worm

- he really hopes that you understand

Geto (pre genocide era):

- will 100% go along with it

- he’ll humor you the whole time

- “of course baby, you’d be the cutest worm ever”

- btw you have a new nickname now

- your contact in his phone has been changed to “my wormie 🪱”

Geto (genocide era):

- no

- worms are not sorcerers

- worms are lower than monkeys

Toji:

- literally will not even give you an answer

- he’ll just quietly look from you, to his existing curse-worm, back up to you with calculated blinks

- “…is that a yes?”

- “you’re fuckin’ stupid” (affectionate) “yes.”

- now toji has two worms :)

Choso:

- ???????????

- pls oh my god don’t do this to him

- he doesn’t get it

- he’s 150yo bro he doesn’t GET IT

- “..am I supposed to say yes?”

- i think he MIGHT go along with it after a second (few minutes) of thought

- “you can love me as a half-curse, so yes, I think I could love you as a worm.”

- he’d totally be cheesin’, so proud of himself for that answer

- and when you smile at his affirmation?? bro his heart’s gonna burst

Sukuna:

- “I don’t even love you now”

- again he is way too old to understand this

- ngl he probably would say no

- however, you’ve wormed (haha, get it?) your way into his heart

- so if you pout too much, he’d probably be very huffy about it but he’d agree to “keeping you by his side” if you were a worm

- you could just hang out in his domain with him all the time :)

[tarobytez]

disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant. 

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist. 

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don’t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is. 

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”. 

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me. 

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.  

Oh fucking boy. 

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully. 

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or “triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled. 

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability. 

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community. 

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged. 

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people. 

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted. 

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows. 

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig

[erodasfishtacos]

harry adores yn with his entire being and i can tell that she loves him just as much but the poor thing is just so scared, and by what you have showed us she has a fair reason to have struggles

Through Hell and Back

warnings: cheating, mentions of domestic violence, this could just be overall triggering if you have experienced trauma or family struggles.

this is a very important blurb to understand dynamic and history of the characters.

PLEASE let me know your thoughts.

—

Harry’s out at a bachelor party for his friend, Jack, at a noisy bar downtown where there is a mechanical bull and half-naked waitresses.

His phone rings at two-thirty in the morning, he already knows who it is and why she’s calling him so late.

He steps outside the noisy bar, “Hi puppy, y’alright?”

Harry already knew she wasn’t.

Her voice is shaky, “Er, are you still out at the bachelor party?”

If he says yes, she’ll just try to say have fun and was just calling to check in - a lie because she felt like such an inconvenience at all times.

“No, just got home,” He lied smoothly, he could hear her trying to hide a sniffle - she must have had a bad dream.

Every since she started trauma therapy, they’d been getting worse, as she worked through her struggles with a therapist.

—

“I-I don’t want to g-go in,” YN whimpers as she sits in Harry’s passenger side outside the clinic, “I can’t talk about it.”

“Baby, you need to do this. You need to talk to someone who’s trained to help you, okay? You promised you’d try it f’me,” He hums, rubbing a thumb over her wet cheekbone.

She shakes her head stubbornly, “It’s all going to come back.”

“Yes, it will. Because you didn’t work through it, you repressed it. There is a difference, okay?” Harry’s heart feels like it’s being ripped in two as YN looks like a caged animal.

YN squeezes Harry’s hand so hard it hurts but he doesn’t mind, he can feel her fear being shared through the rough touch.

She wipes her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater, “Please, H. I don’t want to remember.”

He sighs softly, “I would never force you to do something you don’t want to do. If you really want to leave, we can.”

YN searches his eyes, sees his sadness and she knows she has to push through because she loves him so much, “Will you walk me in?”

“Of course, s’fucking proud of you. My strong girl,” Harry praises, kissing the top of her head, and shutting off the car.

He walks her in, watches her as she hesitantly goes back in with her new therapist, and sits in the waiting room for the hour and a half until she comes out.

He does that every week without miss.

Drives her, walks her in, sits in the waiting room, and then drives her home.

She doesn’t usually talk much after the sessions, her eyes swollen and puffy which is a telltale sign she cried during the appointment.

Harry holds her hand on the ride home, sometimes draws her a bath or tucks her in for a nap under his covers.

One day, after therapy, they crawled into his bed together. She hadn’t said one word since she walked out of the office but she looks tiredly at Harry.

“Why?”

Harry frowns, “Why what?”

She hides her face into the fluffy pillow, words mumbled, “Why do you want me? I’m so broken.”

“Hey,” Harry responds loudly, pulling her up and giving her a serious look, “You are not broken. Even if you were, I’d love every broken piece, okay? I want you because I’m so in love with you it doesn’t make sense.”

YN shakes her head, “I don’t deserve you. You-you have to drive me to therapy every week, leave work early, have to make it up the next day.”

And well, his heart breaks a little because she truly believes that.

Harry grips her jaw, gently, “If you need to go to therapy for the rest of your life, I’ll drive you until I’m ninety. I’ll drive you five days a week if you need it.”

He continues,“I don’t deserve you, sweet girl. Strongest, bravest, most resilient person I’ve ever met. You are my soulmate and I believe that wholeheartedly.”

“I want to nap now,” She whispers, crawling back into her shell where she’s safe from the world, from facing her fears.

Harry just stares at her, the girl he’s had a crush on since fourth grade, the girl he’d been in love with since ninth.

When she felt broken, well so did he.

—

“Mum, I want to do more for her,” Harry cries to his mother one night at dinner after school.

“I know you do, Harry. There is only so much you can do. She has parents tha-“

“Those aren’t parents, mum! You know that!” He shouts angrily, “I need to do more for her. Help her!”

Anne looks at him with a soft, understanding expression, “You’re doing all you can, Harry.”

—

He was still doing all he can.

“I wa-was wondering if you wanted to come over and watch a movie?” YN acts casual despite the tremor but he won’t call her on it - on the phone at least.

“I’d love to pup, I’ll be over on a tick,” already walking away from the busy bar.

Harry can hear the relief in her voice when she says, “Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

When he uses his key to open the door, she sat on her couch with all the lights in the house on, not one off.

“Oh, pet,” Harry murmurs, all the blinds were drawn shut and he knew she’d already triple checked that the windows were locked - despite the state of the art security system he had installed for her.

“Um, so are we feeling a scary movie or romcom?” She ignores his words, picking up the remote, and pulling up Netflix.

He flicks a couple of the bright lights off until it’s normal dim and he sits next to her on the couch, taking the remote and turning off the television.

“Talk t’me,” Harry coaxes, unraveling her from the heavy weighted blanket, and tugging her into his chest.

“M’fine,” YN lies on a choked whimper.

“Y’safe, you know I’d never let anythin’ happen to you . Please puppy, tell me,” He’s not to manly to beg for her to open up.

He allows her to nuzzle her face into his neck, “He cam-came back an-and he -,” her voice drops, “broke in here and I wo-woke up as he was opening my door.”

Harry holds her for a very long time that night.

-

With Harry and her therapist’s constant encouragement she’d been able to be more open and up front with Harry - which made him feel unexaplainably proud of her.

Anna almost fucked everything up, all the hard work without even realizing it.

It was nearly three in the morning this time.

Harry was stuck at Anna’s house with her and her friends for a movie night.

He’d gotten up to go to the bathroom when his phone rings.

Anna sees who it is and picks it up, “What do you want? Harry’s busy and doesn’t have time for you right now. You know it’s not all about you, right?”

Then she hangs up, all of her and her friends giggling at how she just treated YN.

Harry is unaware of the call for a few minutes when he gets back until he gets a text from YN.

I’m sorry I bothered you. I am okay. Have fun tonight x

He scrolls through his phone in confusion until he sees the call, he glares over at Anna, “Did you answer my phone?”

She has a cocky look on her face, “Yeah, I told YN that the world doesn’t revolve around her and to leave us alone.”

All the friends are giggling - but that comes to an abrupt halt when Harry stands up, knocking over the little table of drinks with his anger, “Where the fuck did you get the idea that you could touch my phone, let alone answer it?”

All of them are quiet.

He scoffs, “Now all you annoying prats are going shut up? Get the fuck out of my way,” he orders to Anna who’s pouting.

“C’mon, it was a joke. Don’t leave,” She whines, grabbing at Harry’s arm which he instantly rips out of her grip.

“Don’t touch me. I can’t fuckin’ stand you,” He tells her honestly before storming out of her house without a look back at her teary face.

-

When he arrives at YN’s house, a book is automatically been hurled at the front door when he opens it, then another.

“Hey, puppy, stop tha’. S’just me, you’re okay. S’just me,” He coos, rearming the security system to make her feel better.

She is only in one of his shirts with the company logo on it and soft cotton boy shorts, hair frizzy atop her head.

“Y’have another nightmare?” Harry asks softly, all the lights were on again, every single one.

YN clenches her jaw, “No.”

He hardens his expression too, “I was in the bathroom when she answered that call. As soon as I found out, I came over here. Don’t be sour with me.”

“I didn’t have a nightmare.”

“I know y’bloody lying because your legs are still tremblin’. Now cut the bullshit and talk t’me, we’re not going backwards,” Harry tells her seriously, with all firmness he can muster.

“I love you.”

It takes him aback. YN told him how much she adored him but it was something that didn’t come easy for her.

To hear it flat out, well….he nearly almost melted on the floor into a pile of goop.

“I love you too, puppy.”

She takes a deep breathe, “It’s been that same nightmare, but it’s not really a nightmare? It’s a flashback to…”

YN swallows before she continues, “Remember when….when I ran from my parent’s house to yours and my dad came and found me…”

Harry doesn’t want to remember but he does.

—-

“Harry, he-he just pulled up,” YN cries, peeking out his window, “I don’t want to go home.”

“Harry, he’s screaming at your mum. I have to go.”

“Harry, I have to go before he does something stupid. I’ll be okay, I promise.”

“Harry, don’t cry. I’ll be fine, he’s just really upset. I’ll just deal with it and it will be over before we know it, okay?”

——

“I remember,” He wavers like he normally doesn’t, feeling like a helpless sixteen year old again.

It was moments like this were no matter how hard he wanted to be angry or scream at her for making their relationship so difficult, that he couldn’t be.

How could he blame her for her commitment issues?

Why she struggles to trust?

Why she never feels good enough?

“I’m sorry to bring that up-“

“Do not apologize,” Harry interrupts, “I want to know everything you experience or feel no matter how traumatic or upsetting.”

YN despite her own struggles, when she heard Harry say things like that…well she knew full heartedly that he loves her with no conditions.

She knew this was so hard on him, “I am so in love with you, H.”

His eyes automatically soften and he reacts like he’s being praised. His face lights up without him even knowing it does.

“I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen, thank you for being my person. I appreciate everything you do for me.”

It was something she had been also working on in therapy, expressing gratitude- specifically to Harry.

And it works because Harry actually starts tearing up, eyes watering with emotion, “I love you. I’d walk through hell and back for you.”

He would and he has.