#they’re horrible and imperfect and I love that about them

[applespider]

Strong independent woman? More like pathetic dependent woman who’s flaws counter out any good qualities she has twice over. I’m still talking about Aqua. I love her so much. That’s something I really like about the Konosuba cast in general. Found family without the wholesome. They never leave the first town, they’re constantly in debt, everyone knows them as those weirdos who cause problems, but they kind of love each other anyway. They’re found family because they all suck so much they can’t survive without each other. They aren’tin a position to reject each other because of their weird or unlikeable qualities. They’re the same. You just kind of accept it. And isn’t that what family is?

I’m not wording this right, but they’re just such normal people. They like cool stuff even if it’s seen as cringe, they can’t help but blow their earnings on nice alcohol, they work a regular job because adventuring doesn’t really pay. They adjust to each other. Kazuma taking Megumin out to do her explosions, Aqua and Kazuma being the same fucking person, both irritating each other and understanding each other because of it. Kazuma not wanting to fight the demon king because it sounds like a lot of work. They accept each others weirdness out of necessity. That’smy type of found family.

[vesemirsexual]

yennefer and geralt drive me insane. they’re opposites and they’re the same and they’re the worst for each other and they’re the best for each other. they’re so imperfect and yet at the same time, they are literally made for each other.

there is something so. healing, i want to say about them? to watch these two horribly damaged, hurt, avoidant people full of trauma who can’t ever see themselves being truly loved choosing each other again and again, no matter what. the love is there and it’s transcendent and they think they could never have that and they do.

[starcanwrecked-confessions]

This needs to be said, the majority of the Hatechfeild fanbase is very two faced, hypocritical, and take things too seriously. Some people for some reason are obsessed with characters having moral codes, so they’ll see things as black and white. A few examples of this are people shitting on Grace for the things she did yet praising characters like Max, Ted Spankoffski, or Linda Monroe, who are all if not objectively worse than her. Another example is how this fandom will portray certain characters as one note yet write essays on others they favor, like how Lex was perceived as a bitch by people during Yellow Jacket era and Ethan was the good guy. (Another example of this is Alice being “evil” and Bill being perfect). Sometimes people will fault characters for simply having flaws that make them interesting, like Alice, Tom Houston, Emma ect.

My point is, what I like about Hatchetfeild is that the majority of the characters living it in are either evil assholes, or heavily imperfect people, but people who are human beings. There’s rarely any characters who are 100% good. Nick and Matt don’t treat their audiences like babies, they give it to you straight on how these characters act because it’s a dark yet realistic comedy for ADULTS. Yet people’s media literacy is down the drain cause I constantly see people either go “this character is flawed but to me they’re an irredeemable bad person”- or “Man I love this character who is evil but despise this more humanized character who has flaws”. There’s that, and not to mention the fact that I genuinely do feel like people forget this is supposed to be a comedy mainly. Yes there are deep things to analyze and complex writing, but sometimes people in this fandom take certain scenes or characters WAAY too seriously, like the other day I saw someone say “Tom Houston is horrible bc he had car sex with Jane”- like give me a break lol.

Sorry if this sounded all over the place, but to sum it up, the fandoms got heavy sexism issues, favoritism issues, bad media literacy, over analyzing + not analyzing at all, like it’s a mess sometimes and that’s just the surface summary of a more in depth discussion.

~~~

[kendrene]

for ur road-trip prompts! avatrice + downtime

I'm not sure this is what you had in mind, but I hope you like it.

***

“Do you relax, like, ever?” 

At first, Ava thinks that Beatrice hasn’t heard. She pushes the book First Enchanter Jillian has given her to read aside - some stuffy old treatise about the dangers of fire magic, no doubt written by an even stuffier mage, long dead - and focuses her entire attention on the Templar by the door.

“Did you hear what I said?” 

“I heard you.” There’s a slight change in her posture. Not something Ava would call loosening. She’s never seen Beatrice’s spine be anything less than ramrod-straight. “I’m not sure I understand.” 

“Oh, come on Bea.” The book thuds shut, and a small cloud of dust lifts from the yellowed pages. Ava blinks back tears. “Surely there are things you do in your free time?”

“It is my duty to ensure nothing happens to you, Ava.” Or that Ava doesn’t happen to somebody, but Beatrice is too polite to say. “Besides, I do not mind it.”

Ava lowers  her eyes, pretending to examine the grain of the table she’s sat at. She’s glad that it’s late evening, and the square of sky outside the stained-glass window is pitch dark. Glad that the reading alcove she chose - her favorite in the whole library - isn’t particularly well lit. 

The blush heating her face takes about a century to fade.

“I don’t mind that it’s you watching over me.” Ava breathes out, not meaning to, so close to the surface of the table she can picture the words like another layer of varnish upon the worn wood. There’s another shift, a creak of leather. An inhale so subtle Ava thinks she must have imagined it. She doesn’t look up.

“Anyway,” Beatrice resumes after some time, voice uncharacteristically unsteady, “of course I do things in my free time.” She falters a little over the word free, as though her tongue doesn’t quite know what to do with it. “I train.”

“Seriously.” Ava snorts. “That doesn’t count as a relaxing activity.” Her eyes flick up, just in time to catch Beatrice’s frown. It deepens as she watches, and Ava has to fight the urge to go to her. To reach out, and stroke a thumb between Beatrice’s knitted eyebrows gently, smooth whatever’s bothersome away. She cannot. Ava has no name for the things that flicker in her chest when Beatrice is near, but knows the desires that they elicit are forbidden. “You don’t have hobbies? Wait, are Templars actually allowed to have hobbies?” 

“Ava.” Somewhere at the far end of the library a door opens and they both go quiet. Templars and mages are allowed to talk, obviously, but what they’re doing skirts closer to fraternization. Itcould land them in a lot of trouble. 

They wait in complete silence until it’s clear nobody is coming. Ava slumps in her seat. 

“Fine.” She plucks at the left sleeve of her robe, tugging at a thread that’s coming loose. “Let me rephrase, because clearly we’re not getting anywhere. What do you do if you’re not on duty or training?” 

“I meditate.”

“Beatrice.” Ava says with the tone of someone about to break horrible news. “I’m sorry to tell you, but I don’t think you know how to unwind.”

“Meditation is the getaway to a steady heart and a calm mind.” 

“So, basically if you’re not standing guard or training, you’re falling asleep.”

“That’s not at all what-!” Beatrice sputters, indignant, and crosses her arms. “Alright. What about you, then? What do you do if you’re not-”

“-reading awfully boring books?” Stretching, Ava stands and walks over to the window. Her reflection stares right back, a blackened mirror-image distorted by the imperfections in the glass. “The gardens. I love walking barefoot on the grass right after it rains. And there’s fish in the pond, did you know? Sometimes the cooks let me have a heel of old bread to feed them.” 

It sounded grander in her mind than it does as she speaks of it to Beatrice, but Ava goes on undeterred. Maybe, to someone who could leave the Circle anytime the gardens don’t seem much. They’re everything to her. “Have you ever really walked through them? I don’t mean on your way to the barracks and back. Have you ever really paid attention to how much the trees shake when a storm wind comes in from the lake? Or to what kind of birds nest in the old oak depending on the season?”

“I can’t say that I have.” Beatrice answers slowly, like she’s trying to see the gardens as Ava does. “All of it sounds beautiful, though.”

“It is!” Ava turns around, seized by a wild thought. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

“Curfew-”

“The bell rang not too long ago. We have about an hour until compline.”

“Still-”

“We’ll be careful.” Beatrice’s expression is doubtful, but the moment Ava offers her hand she takes it without question. “I promise.”

//

“What do you think?” 

Ava had decided the moment they got out to leave the well tended gravel paths behind and plunge straight into the tangle of trees at the heart of the gardens. It was the only way, she’d reasoned, to show Beatrice what she meant. 

“It’s pretty, don’t you think?”

This clearing at the feet of the old oak is her favorite spot in the gardens. Even better than the pond, except perhaps early in the spring, when the mallards’ eggs hatch and ducklings bob back and forth across the tranquil waters. 

Beatrice steps under the shadow of the tree, free hand outstretched, reaching to press her palm against the weathered trunk. “I run past this place sometimes, during drills. I never stopped to take it in before, though.” She pulls back, staring down at her fingers as if the tree has left its mark there. “You were right, Ava. Thank you.”

Ava’s fingers, still curled loosely around Bea’s, twitch. She’s surprised Beatrice hasn’t tried to reclaim her hand yet, but is sure she would in a heartbeat should Ava allow her grip to grow too tight. She’s taken care to keep her hold as-barely-there, to trap Beatrice’s fingers the same as she would a fragile bird. Has held her breath whenever their hands bumped awkwardly together on their walk to this place, afraid a sudden jolt, some nervous movement may cause Bea to fly away from her.

“Thank you, Ava.” Beatrice says again, and flips their hands over, thumb stroking at the tender dip of Ava’s inner wrist, her fingers squeezing, Ava finds she cannot breathe.

‘There’s more.” Ava can hear her own pulse in her ears, can feel it reverberate like the aftermath of a spell down her spine and the rest of her. Down her arms, to where Bea’s thumb is idly rubbing, the one place of her body that’s become the axis of her world for the time being. She’s sure that Beatrice can sense it too as it thunders in her grasp and wonders what she may be thinking. Clouds roll in, wrapping around the moon. Darkness shrouds the two of them entire, making it impossible to tell. 

“More?” 

Beatrice is close enough her next exhale is unadulterated warmth on Ava’s cheek. 

She clears her throat. 

“Yeah. Uhm. Let’s sit.” 

They carefully lower themselves in the hollow dug up by the oak’s gnarled roots. Here the ground is soft and a bit spongy, a carpet of dead leaves and sticks and all manner of debris blown in by the breeze. 

“Look.’ Ava points, and Bea’s gaze tilts up, as though Ava’s finger is tied to an invisible string that goes straight to her heart. “I shouldn’t tell you this, since you’re a Templar and all, but sometimes I can’t sleep and I sneak out after curfew to look at the stars.” 

Beatrice bumps their shoulders together. 

“I have a feeling asking you not do that would equal wasted breath.” She lets go of Ava’s hand only to place hers higher up, around Ava's forearm. It’s cold enough that Ava is wearing another layer under her robes, and still it feels like Beatrice is touching her directly. Ava burns hotter than a thousand suns. “Will you try to be careful about it? If Shannon or Mary caught you, it wouldn’t not be too big a deal. But others will not be as kind.”

“I promise.” 

“Okay.” The clouds part, and stray moonlight spears down from above to show that Beatrice doesn’t quite believe her.

“I really do promise to be careful, Beatrice.” Ava repeats. It isn’t as convincing as she’d like and they both know it is a lie.

“Maybe we could make a deal.” Beatrice pauses, jaw working around whatever it is that she’s gonna suggest next. Her lower lip is caught between her teeth, and her dark eyes are pensive the same way they get when Knight-Commander Suzanne presents her with some complicated question about faith. 

Not that Ava has made a whole study of the countless expressions that flit across Beatrice’s face at any hour of the day, filing all of them inside her mind for reference. So that she knows what Beatrice thinks or feels even though to anyone else it seems that she gives nothing away. 

“A deal?” Ava squeezes her eyes shut, hating how badly her voice shakes.

“I could accompany you on these walks.” She opens her eyes. Beatrice looks deadly serious. "Before curfew.”

Ava swallows. 

“Of course.”

“I would need to ask for permission.”

“Uh. Uh,”

“But I don’t see why the Knight-Commander would say no. Exercise is important.”

“Totally, yeah.” Ava blinks, and the full import of what Beatrice is saying finally sinks in. “Wait, you’re really willing to do that for me?”

For the first time that night, Beatrice’s lips curve into a smile. Ava can count the instances this has happened on the fingers of one hand with room to spare. She clutches the fleeting sight to her chest, stores it in the same place in which she keeps the rest. Beatrice smiling broadly after Shannon had complimented her sword form. Beatrice laughing at one of Mary’s quips, a hand raised to cover the full extent of it. 

Beatrice smiling at her - for her - the day Ava had managed to light a candle through her magic without it melting away. 

“I will ask tomorrow.” A loon calls from across the lake, and Beatrice’s eyes track skyward, measuring time. “I can accompany you on your walks and you can teach me how to… unwind.” On the verge of a bigger smile, her mouth quivers. Beatrice swallows it down, and Ava vows to work it out of her somehow. 

Ava nods.

“That sounds fair.” She breathes in, filling her lungs to bursting with air and with courage, and adds. "A little earlier, I could show you the ducklings."

"You could." Beatrice's smile, much like the moon overhead, is in its waning phase. It lingers, however, a sliver of a reflection in her eyes. "I'd like that."

[thirdwifeofriversong]

okay i need to rant incoherently about HOFAS (and the sjm fandom)

so if you don’t care or haven’t finished the book, feel free to ignore this

(to make a couple of things abundantly clear though, the general discourse in this fandom frustrates me to no end, no hate to anyone obviously, but i get real real tired of the ship wars - i literally don’t care - and of people not using critical reading skills… all/most of these characters are morally grey and flawed and imperfect and it literally does nothing to debate who’s good/bad based on one reading of a morally grey character. they’re grey. even the ones you like. even the ones you hate. that’s the point. also this is mainly aimed at the acotar fandom.)

anyway, some thoughts on HOFAS

i absolutely loved lidia’s characterization. one of the best parts of the book. we love a complex female character. we love a complex double agent who does horrible things and has to live with that. we love female characters who aren’t sidelined just because they have kids

speaking of

i have Feelings about the characterization of lidia as a mother and am still trying to figure out what those are exactly.

but my feelings certainly align with her absolutely demolishing ruhn with that line about her tragic female backstory. what an absolute QUEEN.

i’m not quite sure how to feel about the ruhn/lidia relationship. i love their dynamic, and i support her in her decision to choose ruhn because she did choose him

but also he was pretty sketchy/a little bitch to her at times. was pretty shocked when he shot her in the leg (it seemed out of character). not unforgivable, that’s for her to decide and him to atone for (reminder to the fandom in general) but yeah… interesting… and questionable

okay moving on from them

i do love an ensemble cast. it’s very enjoyable.

the firstlight being gone is a really interesting world building device

you could definitely see the extra emphasis this book on motherhood, through lidia and ember — interesting to see authors evolve and grow with their own lives influencing their themes

honestly, enjoyed the subplots a good bit

ITHAN AND THARION ARE SUPER HOMOEROTIC! i had hope for a little bit that we would finally see a queer relationship unfold. but no. one of them just got married off and now is attached? like bro this werewolf literally almost got himself killed and then murdered someone very important to him to rescue you from enslavement. but that’s totally platonic.

AGH I’m really REALLY frustrated with the lack of queer rep in the MCs in sjm books. like fine, i don’t care that much, at least you have some rep, but it really shows the limitations of comp het storytelling

was very much a guilty pleasure but the crossovers were a very fun touch

ALSO. getting very tired of the “males are all the same across the universe. such alphaholes haha.” BRO THATS NOT HOW PEOPLE WORK AND ALSO DEFINITELY NOT HOW GENDER WORKS. my little queer brain cells are dying here.

[td-tbbg-official]

vickie, how are the rest of the 4 syllables? :D

“Cody is doing way better than ever. After the whole, uh… ‘thing’ with Sierra on World Tour… And after looking back on his time on the show… He realized he was aromantic. Which solved a lot of dating problems he started having once we got more popular and more girls started flocking him. Certain fans didn’t take it well, but our social media managers are saints, and did the hard work of blocking and reporting for us. He had rough patches here and there, as we all have, especially back in 2013, after the outing – but he’s doing so much better now.

“Trent and Justin are married now, which I actually forgot to mention earlier. Have been for about ten years, actually – since August of 2015! They’re the most reliable of all of us; sometimes, it feels like Cody and I are their kids. Especially Justin, you’d be surprised with how motherly he is. He does a good job bossing us around, but also taking care of us. And he is an exceptional cook – we actually don’t even have any private chefs or anything like that, because he does all the work. Of course, we occasionally help… But, as much as he is a patient mom, he is also an impatient dad – you do one wrong thing, you’re out of the kitchen, haha!

“Right now, we’re probably closer than we ever have been. There’s a lot of things to bond over: our horrible time on Total Drama and the difficulty of being queer in the public eye since the 2000s are two topics we often approach, sometimes in a lighter, sometimes in a darker, manner.

“I love the guys. We’ve been friends for decades now, and to say they’re important to me is a big understatement. We’re like an imperfect nuclear family; Justin and Trent are the parents, Cody and I are the annoying little kids, and Justin and Trent’s two dogs are the pets necessary in a ‘household’ like ours. I really don’t know where I’d be without them.”

coming soon to an AO3 near you.

questions, concerns, suggestions to be deposited in the ask box.

TD: TBBG is written by @canonically47. the blog is entirely run by the writer.

!!! reblogs > likes !!!

[showtoonzfan]

At this point, I think the major problem with Stolitz….or…just Stolas and Blitz as characters in general is just that they’re NOT “flawed characters”, like everyone keeps freaking saying, they’re honestly just horrible people and nothing else, and the fandom can’t see that. I of course know that in Viv’s world, characters like Stolas and Blitz……sigh…..were born in hell and were innocent uwu beans until something bad happened to MAKE them into the people they are now, but it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t excuse their actions in the present. I really believe though that the fandom doesn’t really know the difference between being “flawed” and just being a shitty person all around, at least in this scenario. For example, Stolas not learning how to love, or understand his daughter is his imperfections. He cares about his daughter, but doesn’t understand or is able to listen to the stuff she’s interested in, referring to how he thought she would be interested in going to Loo Loo Land, even though she’s a teenager now with other interests. This is something that would make him flawed, he’s not perfect, and he’ll make mistakes. What’s important is LEARNING from those mistakes and growing, and yet, neither him nor Blitz do any of that. Octavia and Loona seem to just be the tools for these two characters, something so the writers and fandom can go “B-BUT THEY’RE NICE TO THEM!”- yeah….and what else do they got going on for them? Nothing.

Stolas may care about Octavia, but he didn’t care enough to actually try to fix the relationship with his wife, or even his daughter for that matter. He also didn’t change anything regarding his scandal with Blitz, treating him like a plaything the entire time. He then just went right back to fucking him in episode 5 until he got called out for his bullshit, and even when he DID, he acted like victim. Blitz meanwhile treats his employees like utter shit, as well as his past partners, and when he comes to Loona he’s overprotective when she’s a grown woman. Still, the way Blitz and Stolas feel towards their daughters don’t excuse anything. They’re both horrible people in their own ways at the end of the day, and they need to stop pitying themselves and actually work to be better. I think the fandom doesn’t realize that you can have redeeming qualities as a person and still BE a horrible person, cough…Bojack Horsemen. But yeah I’m tired of the fandom and writers babying these two characters and excusing their actions, acting like they’re hopeless beans who don’t know how to love or communicate, therefor they’re just “good people deep down”- like….no.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

@monthly-challenge 2024 | 10. Night Out

I used this prompt for my original characters, Nathan and Patience: the story is under the cut.

Word count: 1,203

“Another date after only a week, Nathan? Really?” Her mother’s voice was vaguely disapproving, and Nathan winced and made guilty eye contact with Patience.

“It didn’t go so well last time,” he said, thinking of the alcohol fiasco, the tears that had come, Patience’s stained blouse. “I want a do-over.”

“Every date will be imperfect, that’s the nature of the beast,” said she, with the wisdom of a woman who had been married some years.

“I want them to be, well, less imperfect. Also I’m paying,” he added. “So you don’t need to worry that I’m about to drain all of Patience’s fortune or something.”

“I was concerned more for your fortune,” she informed him.

“How are you ever meant to buy Patience a nice engagement ring if you take her out to dinner all the time?” asked Rhona, once again taking a wild leap down most of the stairs, landing in the middle of the conversation and putting her foot in it.

Patience went bright red. “Rhona—”

“What? It’s true.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to say it,” filled in her mother, which Patience was glad for because she was currently dying of embarrassment.

She put her hands up to her face. “Not everything has to be said. Besides, Nathan might not—”

“Don’t worry, I keep savings for that sort of thing, if and when it becomes applicable,” he said firmly. “Now, Patience, if you were ready—?”

She was glad to escape the suddenly embarrassing family home, pulling on a light coat as she left the house. It was still February, but it was growing cooler, to her relief.

After a couple of minutes, Nathan broke the silence. “Well, that was awkward,” he stated the obvious. “Rhona has a gift for making everything awkward, I think.”

“Mmm, you might be right. I love her but she’s incredibly annoying sometimes in the way she talks.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. She is great, though. I’m glad you have her.”

“I’m glad I do too.” Patience rubbed her leg, feeling the scarring she had sustained in saving of that very same Rhona. “I wouldn’t have thought so a few years ago, but it’s very true now.”

“I’m glad.” He noticed her action. “Does it pain you, anymore?”

“Only occasionally. Mostly when I happen to think about it. So not really, and not importantly. Just sometimes.”

“Ah. I hope it never hurts you again. You were a hero, Pat.”

She looked away. “I did what I had to do, Nathan. There’s nothing special in that.” Once again she remembered the horrific sense she had had, of being trapped, of dying, and of knowing that she wasn’t going to make it out. Then the way that she had made it out, and lain in agony for far, far too long. She’d always thought she’d pass out before it got to that stage, but she’d lain there, leg twisted horribly under her and burning pain all over her, for far too long before eventually passing out. It had been horrific.

But she tried to forget it and to shake away the pain it had caused her, the remembered pain, and focus on the here and now. She was safe. She was with Nathan. She would be okay. Much as she didn’t feel it right now, she would be.

Nathan was watching he closely. “Are you all right?”

“No.” She said the unconventional answer with an effort, but he looked at her very kindly.

“That makes sense. What can I do?”

She wanted to ask him to let her cry into his coat for a few minutes, but refrained. “I’m not sure. Distract me, maybe.”

“Did you know my parents are talking of getting a dog?” he side tracked promptly. “They’re pretty serious about it, but they can’t decide on the breed. Mum wants a golden retriever, while Dad wants a poodle. Hypoallergenic, and he’s worried for no apparent reason that he is allergic to dogs, which we’ve never found out because we’ve never had a dog. I mean, it’s possible, it’s just unlikely.”

“Yeah: what percentage of people are allergic anyway? It’s not masses, surely.”

“I think we’d have heard a lot more about it if there were, but I could be wrong. Also poodles would be more popular if that was the case too.”

“Maybe the folks who are allergic just don’t get animals and don’t talk about it, though,” he said logically.

“But seriously, if the only reason is a fear of allergies, why not get whatever breed you most want, but have some backup plan in case any of you can’t tolerate it? What about you, for instance?”

“I’m still living with my parents, don’t forget. Until I move out, if there’s an allergy, I can’t possibly have an animal. Do you like animals, Patience?”

“Love them. Though I’m forgetful enough that sometimes I think it would be unsafe for me to have an animal of my own, because I’d forget them. An outdoors bunny, for instance—I just couldn’t.”

“But indoors? Surely an animal would come and alert you to the fact that they’re pretty hungry, actually?”

“Maybe. Maybe they wouldn’t, I don’t know. Or I’d open the door and they’d sneak out because I completely forgot they existed.”

“I think you’re too hard on yourself. I’m fairly sure you’d remember, if that was the case. You wouldn’t just forget you had an animal.”

“I might.”

“Anyway, we can cross that bridge when we come to it. Though I think we’ve been together long enough at this point that if either of us wanted to get an animal we should be discussing it closely to make sure that it works for both of us, you know?”

“I know.” A small thrill shot through her. It was invigorating, seeing him talk about them as a unit, as a couple he expected to last. She rather liked the way it made her feel. It was us, not you and me.

“If there was a situation in which I was to take care of an animal and those concerns weren’t a problem, would you get one and what would you get?”

“There’s a stray cat we see reasonably often. He’s lovely. I think he’s on the way out though; he’s slowing down a lot and we see him less and less often. But I like cats. I’d get a grey cat because of him. But otherwise, I’d think about an indoors rabbit or something. I like cats, but I don’t understand them.”

“Dogs?”

“I’d get a dog, but I’d be scared I’d forget to walk it, you know?”

“I know what you mean. I think it would need to be part of a routine.”

“Well, I do do best with a routine,” she agreed absently. They were walking in to the restaurant, and the sound hit her like a truck. “And quiet.”

He glanced at her. “Does that mean we shouldn’t eat out, because it’s overwhelming?”

“It’s not so overwhelming when I’m with you,” Patience said, and meant it.

Nathan smiled at her. “I’m glad of that. And if I personally had a choice, I’d probably get a cat. In truth, I’m partial to nice grey cats.”

Tagging @stealingmyplaceinthesun @graycedelfin @pilgrimsofworship and @choasuqeen

[alicent-vi-britannia]

Lelouch and Suzaku's childhood traumas explained through the enneagram

I love finding parallels in the works I'm reading or watching and I love even more when they're intelligently done and confront them. Code Geass is an excellent work that uses narrative duality. Lelouch and Suzaku are the most obvious parallel because I think it's the only one that the series deliberately teaches you because they try to build a compelling rivalry that wins hearts, despite the fact that in CG they abound more and are just as interesting (you are more otakus than me, therefore, they know that the topic of rivalry is very common in the anime industry, especially if the work is aimed at a male audience). You must understand that Suzaku and Lelouch are each other's reverse mirror. So much so that I think it gives rise to analyze the development of the relationship of both because the paths of both are intertwined and affect the narrative arc of the other. But unlike Shirley's, Rolo's, and C.C.'s story arcs, which are totally dependent on Lelouch, Suzaku's story arc stands on its own (Lelouch plays a key role in his evolution, but it's not everything). In that sense, it's more like the Kallen and Nina story arcs (this is something I respect and like about Kallen and Suzaku as main characters).

Today I want to focus only on the childhood of Lelouch and Suzaku, where it all began, taking advantage of the fact that in my previous post I talked about the enneagram.

Today I want to focus only on the childhood of Lelouch and Suzaku, where it all began, taking advantage of the fact that in my previous post I talked about the enneagram.

Although Lelouch and Suzaku are mirror inverses of each other, there are scenarios in their lives that are similar and their responses have been more or less similar. One of them is the trauma that forged their character. To begin with, Lelouch and Suzaku are the sons of two very powerful men (Genbu isn’t the Emperor of a world superpower, but he is the Minister of Japan; he is someone important, he isn’t the man who sells fruits in your neighborhood) who, in turn time, they are horrible parents. Without intending to sound like a psychologist (because I'm not), for boys, the relationship with their fathers is important since they are the model of the man they want to be in their lives (a model that they can reject, accept or idealize). In the case of Lelouch and Suzaku it's cutely obvious: they reject him (and the devilishly ironic thing is that the more they try to get away from them, the closer they get; in Lelouch it's more obvious xD).

On the one hand, we have Suzaku. A 1w2 enneatype (even when I find traits of a 1w9 enneatype, I lean towards the option of Suzaku being a 1w2 since he also goes about correcting the people around him, even if he is a self-preservation subtype and, by extension, is so preoccupied with fixing himself. I don't rule out that he's looking at his Faith cognitive function because Suzaku is an ISFJ, but I think, in that case, his Faith would boost his wing 2 even more than wing 9... Anyway, we won't let's divert). 

Regardless if his wing is 9 or 2, his enneatype is 1 and the emotional wound of the Ones is that they see themselves as imperfect beings. They have a great feeling of inadequacy because in their childhood they were not given the message that they were good (or it was a message that was lost) and surely it was because their parents demanded a lot of them. I entered the field of speculation assuming that Genbu was a strict father given his role as Minister of Japan (at least, he is in my headcannon and in my fanfic). Hence, Suzaku insists on correcting the error that "perverted" him and strives like a beast to improve himself (and his environment) with his ethical values, always trying to be morally blameless and consistent with his ideals to justify himself. himself and avoid being judged by others (in R2 episode 17, Suzaku angrily yells at Lelouch that the Geass order he gave him broke his convictions; for Ones, who are hyper-moralistic and want to be examples of virtue , this is a curse).

Without a doubt, Suzaku lost sight of that message that he was good when he killed his father. Suzaku sees himself as a bad person. A monster. That is the reason why Euphemia asks him not to hate himself. It's pretty fucked up because since the Ones can't live up to his unrealistic standards and neither can the others, they finds it hard for them to forgive; so if Suzaku doesn't forgive himself for killing his father, don't expect him to forgive Lelouch for killing the girl he loved.

I feel like little Suzaku got a tremendous disappointment from his father. I think that children tend to idealize their parents (with time and maturity, this idealization weakens and when they are adults they have a more realistic or demonic image of their parents, it all depends). Not only Suzaku realized that he was imperfect (and bad), but also his father. Imagine the feelings that little Suzaku must have experienced when he saw his father persist in forging ahead with the war against an empire that Japan had no chance of winning, because their pride was more important than the lives of the citizens who he had pledged to serve. 

From here, Suzaku unconsciously psyched himself up: "My father was bad and imperfect; but I won't be, I will be different, I will defend the people I serve, the methods I use do not transcend my purpose, much less my principles, I will try to be good". Consequently, we have a Suzaku who lives to reach an unattainable ideal in order to correct what is wrong with himself and Britannia and he will never achieve it because mistakes are unforgivable, in his opinion (the good thing is that the Zero Requiem brought peace to his tormented conscience, not just to the world).

It is not true that Suzaku went completely unpunished. He gave himself a punishment: he forever refused forgiveness. He chose to live a life of suffering. 

By the way, don't think that all Ones are as obsessed with his mistakes as Suzaku. He is an insane One. This is because he, in his crazy head, believes that he can regain lost goodness or achieve perfection at the expense of his own life (that's something we saw for example in Natalie Portman's character in Black Swan: Nina, a self-preserving One pretty insane).

On the other hand, we have Lelouch. I will tell you what the Eights' wound is because if you read my other post, you should know: vulnerability. This is because when they were children they weren’t protected by their parents, so a conflict deprived them of their sweet innocence. By now you should know what I mean. At the beginning of R1 episode seven we are given a flashback to Lelouch's last conversation with his father. A little Lelouch complains to his father why he didn’t protect his mother who was murdered and, although he doesn’t express it, this claim extends to his sister, who was left paralyzed and blind, and himself. His claim verbalizes his trauma: "why didn't you protect my mother? [Why didn't you protect my sister? Why didn't you protect me?] Weren't you supposed to be the most powerful man in the world?" (of course, I’m paraphrasing and what is in brackets is what he does not say, but feels). Here you can see the childish disappointment of his father figure: his father isn’t an all-powerful, omnipotent, omnipresent man who is the image Holy Britannia projects of his Emperor. What does Charles do? Well, if little Lulu and his sister had a minimal amount of protection from his father, now they will have nothing since he will exile them to Japan (he has left them totally helpless).

Both Charles and Genbu justify themselves, hiding behind the image they must give. But with Charles, the childish disappointment is double because, in addition, he excuses himself in the ideology of Britannia: he abandons Nunnally because he is weak and the individuals who are fit to survive must do it on his behalf, thus demonstrating their strength. I don’t want to mess with Social Darwinism because it isn’t my intention to go off on a tangent, but these words are very important because they will shape his personality. From then on, he will assume vulnerability as something bad. I don't know what little Lelouch's position was regarding the ideology of the Holy Empire of Britannia. I’m going to assume that he accepted them by natural disposition (like, for example, us with gender roles that until we properly document ourselves do not begin to question them). This sinister, in particular this discussion, made Lelouch rethink the ideology of his homeland and reject it. To finish off poor Lelouch, Charles yells at him that Lelouch is nothing without him (well, he's dead without him because he gave him everything he is; I don't know what seems stronger to you).

And what does Enneatype 8 have to do with it? ALL! As a result of this wound (which has not healed in the case of average and insane Eights), Eights learn to fend for themselves and be self-sufficient because they assimilate that the strong survive and develop a protective instinct towards others. weak and their relatives. It goes without saying that Lelouch was psyched that he was going to prove his father wrong: "My father is not powerful and he believes that I am incapable of surviving without him; he does not define me; I will prove to him that I am alive without him; I will become strong ; I will be independent; my sister will not miss my father because she will have me; I will protect her; I will not fail her like my father did". It doesn't matter if it is Lelouch, he was a child and a child isn’t called the atrocities that Charles said to him, look at him in the photo, isn't he cute? That reminds me that type 8 is called the Challenger, what does Lelouch do when his father boasts? He challenges him yelling that he doesn't want to be his heir xD).

Lelouch never shows vulnerability because he subconsciously believes that it is to be weak and he needs to be strong and to do so, he must keep himself under control. Even when he feels vulnerable, he tries to suppress it. But being a sexual subtype, emotions get the better of him more times than he'd like to admit, and they often come out in a negative way. Lelouch has terrible emotion management and zero emotional intelligence (it's not for nothing that he confused romantic love with filial love in that phone conversation with Shirley or he's not sure what to say to her when she asks him if he loved that girl he was talking; Eights have a hard time giving and receiving love because they only understand that people are either for them or against them). He has a hard time recognizing the emotions and feelings of others and himself because it is his Achilles heel.

Also for this reason Lelouch is wary of people and prefers to keep them at a distance since he interprets them as signs of vulnerability (essentially I mean the Black Knights, but even the people who managed to gain Lelouch's trust struggled to earn it).

By the way, I heard somewhere that each country has an ideal citizen model that corresponds to an enneatype (for example, the United States is enneatype 3, long live the American dream!). In the case of Britannia, I dare to say that it is the unhealthy enneatype 8. Starting from that idea, we would see that the ideology and values ​​of Britannia contributed to the formation of Lelouch's personality (does the same happen with Suzaku? I only know that the Japanese have a strong sense of community rooted, not like Westerners that we are more individualistic, and they repress inappropriate behaviors. Suzaku is a person who acts for the common good and is interested in the community, so...).

Still, it's amazing that Lelouch turned out an 8 average. He has things to work on himself. But he could have been worse.

I left you with these traumatized little ones and their horrible parents who, because of them, didn’t have a healthy growth. Thanks for screwing everything up, Genbu and Charles. I think most of you will think that Charles is worse than Genbu. Honestly, I think they're both just as terrible.

Little Suzaku needed someone to hold him and explain that it's okay to make mistakes because he's part of growing and learning. "You're not perfect, but it doesn't mean you're not good."

Little Lelouch, for his part, needed someone to hug him and tell him that being vulnerable is not weak and that he can trust others without feeling the fear of being betrayed.

Hugs for mini Lelouch and mini Suzaku. They need our love. Stop hating them. They already hate themselves enough. Don't make it worse.

[kira-the-whump-enthusiast]

omg i saw you reblogged that one post about villains who love too much and tagged is as an oc named,,, alesky, i think? (This ask box is blocking the character name so apologies if i spelled it wrong), I am Intrigued and would love to know more about them

Sorry it took me so long to get to this ask!! Tysm for it btw I died of excitement when I saw this in my inbox!! And yes, that’s Aleksy!

Here are some picrews of them :D

And here’s some art my lovely and amazing friend made of them <3

Their full name is Aleksy Annora, and I made them like a year ago after I read “The Man Who Loved Flowers” by Steven King.

Some content warnings before the rant: domestic abuse, serial murder, a lot of angst, attempted murder, execution, attempted suicide, implied major character death, probably some more stuff

Aleksy is just a totally normal barista in a popular coffee shop, of course. There is no angst or tragedy or murder in their backstory, not at all.

Well who am I kidding lol. Pretty much their main concept is that they are a Serial Killer For Love™ cuz goddd I love that trope. Tho I wouldn’t really call Aleksy any sort of yandere. They share some of the aesthetic tho!

The thing about Aleksy is that they fall in love all the time, but at the same time love is the thing that scares them most.

To them, the easiest way out was to end their boyfriend’s life. So they took a pair of scissors, sharpened them to a point, and stabbed their boyfriend to death. Immediately afterwards they fled the country and changed their name to what it currently is, Aleksy.

To them, the easiest way out was to end their boyfriend’s life. So they took a pair of scissors, sharpened them to a point, and stabbed their boyfriend to death. Immediately afterwards they fled the country and changed their name to what it currently is, Aleksy.

To them, the easiest way out was to end their boyfriend’s life. So they took a pair of scissors, sharpened them to a point, and stabbed their boyfriend to death. Immediately afterwards they fled the country and changed their name to what it currently is, Aleksy.

And that’s how they ended up the city they live in currently! Aleksy wanted to just live a typical life, completely separate themself from all trauma they lived through, but that was not how things would go.

Aleksy is constantly falling in love. And normally, this wouldn’t really be that bad, but Aleksy is both obsessive and utterly terrified of everything that love means.

They fall head over heels, and they also do it really unhealthily. Like, they stalk their crushes, try to learn every single little detail about them, but they also will never talk to any one of them. (That’s how they justify it as okay in their head. And it’s not like it would be a good idea to ever pursue a relationship. Aleksy is too imperfect for that.)

And for a while, they’re happy, their crush seems perfect in every way, and maybe this time they’ll even build up the confidence to actually say hi. And then cracks start to show in the perfect idealized version of their crush that Aleksy has built in their head, and they become scared.

Scared that if they let themself be vulnerable around this person, then they’ll be hurt. Scared that any minor imperfection could point to a much deeper flaw, one that could end up hurting them in so many different and horrible ways. And then the obsession that fed them happiness becomes something incredibly distressing. They don’t want to feel like this, they don’t want to think about this person, and they’re absolutely terrified of losing the little control they have over their life.

So Aleksy always ends up grabbing the sharpened scissors they never discarded, and stabbing their love in the throat in the dark streets of the city at night.

It’s the only way they know how to end it. When their crush is dead, Aleksy can safely put them out of their mind. The dead never hurt anybody, after all.

And this has happened multiple times. They’re a wanted serial killer, but also, no one knows that they’re the culprit. The police are very slow in solving any sort of case, even the serial murders get put on long holds. Aleksy has managed to get away with their murders for this reason.

Until, they meet Juno Líming. Juno is investigating the serial murders that Aleksy has committed, because her brother, Kyu, was one of the victims. She asks Aleksy some questions, not knowing that they were the one that killed her brother. Aleksy isn’t aware that she’s Kyu’s sister.

And then they end up becoming friends! Juno is pretty much Aleksy’s first friend, actually. Most of their life they weren’t allowed to make friends in any meaningful way, and even after they escaped that, they didn’t really have any sort of drive to make friends. But because Juno is pretty much consistently visiting them for investigation reasons, the two end up getting to know each other :D

Aleksy finally has a healthy relationship! They don’t become any sort of obsessed with Juno, and Juno knows how to like. Make friendship. They do some wholesome stuff together :)

And then I hit them with my comically large angst hammer! Because while Aleksy very much enjoys the friendship, Juno is also making a lot of progress in finding out how Aleksy committed their murders, and now she’s really close to figuring out who was behind it. And then Aleksy realizes that if Juno finds out that they’re the culprit, then they’ll never be friends again.

They end up totally panicking, and they get a little messy in hiding the evidence. And their slip-ups are enough to make Juno realize that her friend, the person who’s supported her through all her hard times and her investigation, is also the serial killer she’s been chasing all this time. And the same person who murdered her brother.

Aleksy tries to run after this, but Juno chases them and ends up cornering them! And Aleksy realizes that they’ll surely be caught now, that their only friend must hate them now, and that they can’t keep living this life but they don’t what else they can do.

They try to kill themself with their scissors, right then and there.

And they end up surviving, but not without a scar on their neck and some damage to their larynx.

They do end up being tried for their crimes, and well, now they’re on death row. Juno does end up visiting them a lot, tho. She can’t really reconcile her knowledge of Aleksy as a friend and confidant with the knowledge that Aleksy is a serial killer and murdered someone very close to her. So she kind of omits the latter from her head. Her impression of Aleksy as a friend is stronger. And she’s tired of losing people close to her, she won’t let anything like it happen again. If that means being Aleksy’s friend, then she will do that.

Aleksy doesn’t really understand why she still wants to be her friend, and they think the last thing they deserve is her friendship, but they’re happy for the company regardless.

[transitofmercury]

Hi Mercury! I hope you’re doing well. This is sort of random but as I was enjoying all your Katherine Plumber posts, I had this thought and wanted to hear your opinion… Do you think that if Atti and Orla were in a Newsies AU, Atti would be Katherine (they’re both clever, academic, & from wealth/well educated but open-minded) and Orla would be Jack (they’re both scrappy, resourceful, passionate about justice & fiercely loyal to “their people”)? Not to mention the whole diplomacy vs. aggression dichotomy. Katherine & Atti are very much “we can talk this out and reason to a solution” whereas Jack & Orla are more “let’s go rough stuff up” 😂

Hi Acacia!! I hope you're doing well too. Honestly, I sprained my ankle when I was running to catch a train yesterday, but seeing this ask in my inbox once I got home cheered me right up. Thank you so much for this ask because you have accidentally given me an opportunity to talk about how I have a real category when it comes to my faves.

The thing about my Newsies obsession and my (current, technically I've been obsessed since it came out) Horrible Histories: The Movie obsession is that they actually started around the same time. Maybe a month apart, but basically the same time almost exactly three years ago. So my interest in both has developed together and I definitely do think that if I were to put Atti and Orla into a direct Newsies AU, Orla would be Jack and Atti would be Katherine, both for the personality traits that you pointed out and where they exist within the power structures each story is about. But I also think that I'm interested in Katherine for a lot of the same reasons I'm interested in Orla - they seem so different on the surface but there are some common themes there. 

Orla and Kath are the basis for a category of characters I've been calling my pseudo-nepo-babies lately, not quite what you imagine when someone says 'nepo-baby' but it still feels like they have a strange distorted form of nepotism behind them. Before this category was expanded to include my medical drama fave, I just called them the historical daughters of powerful men club. Which doesn’t even really cover it. The thing that really draws me into Katherine is her relationship with Pulitzer. While Atti/Orla is the main factor in my obsession with the HH movie, Orla's relationship with Arghus is probably the reason I gravitate more towards her. Ages ago, I made a post saying that Orla & Arghus and Katherine & Pulitzer are on complete opposite ends of my Slipping Through My Fingers by ABBA to Never Love an Anchor by The Crane Wives sliding scale of historical father-daughter relationships, and I stand by that. So there's that element: something about imperfect and complex and even outright unhealthy (in the case of the Pulitzers) family relationships and weird-nepotism is the common denominator across all my faves.

I guess I also think they're both quite a lot like their dads in some ways, as well. I talk about Katherine being like Pulitzer a lot, because my version of her is secretly proud to know that she’s the most like him out of all her siblings (and is a bit doomed by that pride). I don't talk about it nearly as much with Orla and Arghus because it's harder to explain exactly what I think, but some of Orla's best traits are ones you can also see in her dad yet I don't think she is proud of it at all. Orla loves her dad but she wants to be like her mum and I guess the best way to describe what I think is happening there is that Orla knows she is too much like her dad to be able to be enough like her mum, and she doesn’t like that. I don’t have the brain power to expand on it right now, and it would absolutely derail the post into me talking about my headcanons about Orla’s parents, but that’s how I see it. There's also something in there with them both doing the same 'jobs' as their dad's, but Katherine and Pulitzer both chose to go into journalism while Orla and Arghus were both born to rule the tribe. So there's that element of characters being more like parental figures than they would like to admit. 

I think stuff to do with culture is also a big part of how I see them even if canon might not focus on it so much with Katherine - Orla as a part of the first generation to grow up under Roman rule and Katherine as a second generation immigrant. Loyalty and betrayal comes up a lot. This is nowhere near everything I could say, but there are some themes that show up across a lot of my faves in very different ways, and the things I focus on about Orla and Katherine are often the extremes of how those things could show up. They're so different but I like them for similar reasons so they exist in the same category of character in my personal interpretation of them.

Anyway, to finally actually answer your ask, despite them being a part of this same category of character I've invented, I do think that Orla has more in common with Jack and Katherine has more in common with Atti in terms of their personalities and how they approach things. Also, with Newsies' focus on class and the HH movie's focus on the Roman Empire, I think they are in more comparable positions within those systems - Jack and Orla are as the people struggling under/against them, while Katherine and Atti unwillingly benefit from the systems. Of course, there are plenty of ways that Katherine (as a woman) and Atti (as an un-Roman Roman) are limited within these system, and ways that Jack (as a man) and Orla (as the daughter of a chief, specifically within Celtic society) have power in them, too. Another thing about Atti and Katherine that I've just thought of: the way they would use writing. I imagine that as Katherine gets older she just gets more and more involved with writing articles about workers' rights and working class struggles. Similarly, the longer Atti spends in Britain, the more he realises that some Roman accounts of Britain aren't quite fair or accurate and he begins to write down his own experiences to try and set the record straight. 

I don't know how to wrap this up now because so many things are in my head: I totally agree with you, I also have a real type of character I like to obsess over, thank you SO MUCH for giving me an opportunity to ramble, and I hope you didn't mind getting such a rambly response too much! 

[batmonkfish80]

Daddy by Kristin Garth

Art And The Artist

Formal disclosure: Kristin has published me via her Pink Plastic House website and press, and also nominated one of the poems she published for an award. Less formally, we have been in touch via various websites and social media.

Because of this I’m familiar with Kristin’s fiction, and of her past that she’s spoken and written about. When she announced this collection of stories, Daddy, I wasn’t sure this was my kind of thing. About father figures and dominance, about recovering – re-creating, re-discovering – a girlhood that was broken, about abuse and taking control of it. Those are not topics that habitually seize my attention.

But so what if they’re not my thing? Kristin and I have an online, transatlantic, writing relationship; our friendship is mostly made up of reading things. As I’ve said before, I read things that aren’t my thing all the time. This is important to her, so I should read it.

Still, I am an imperfect reader of this because I am not the audience for this. And an imperfect reviewer, because if my friend writes something I don’t like, I don't think is good, I will simply not mention it.

A Masculine Perspective

Some of these stories are about girlhood, in that they are about (narrated by) girls. They have the vital importance of these events for children. If I were to over-generalise these are about the breaking of an innocence. In Stall, the girl goes to the toilet in school, because she has thoughts she does understand and is not allowed privacy at home. Yet even here she is watched. In Quaintrelle the girl is barred from seeing another girl, as it has been reported their was a middle school orgy. In Spiderling the girl joins a club, the We Love Roman Everly Club. This leads her to disobey the rules and visit the house of a female murderer, the Black Widow.

Some of them are about girlhood less directly. The women in these stories are often looking for father figures. Sometimes they’ve found them and they hold them up to our gaze. They see the flaws in them, the terrible horrible people they are. They feel an attraction. In I Can Not Help It That I Have This Face he is beautiful, and she looks innocent. And so he feels the need to punish her, and she, she feels the need to submit, to be tied and beaten in a cable access studio in the mall.

The games of dominance and control are inevitably sexual, whether directly or peripherally.

In Florida Drakaina the woman lives alone in the woods. She has been abandoned by her Daddy, her lover, and the long, long drive is falling into disrepair. The neighbour, a retired builder, wants to buy it, to improve it. He needs something to do, but the woman needs her privacy. Needs her secrets.

Known for her sonnets, Kristin writes with deliberate rhythm. Her most distinctive lines tend towards the imperative/descriptive, telegraphic style that fits a meter. “Forgot your own name some months ago.” “No cellphones when you’re in middle school, so this story has no receipts.” “Rub against strangers in a thong for money – but not only money.”

A sonnet is the prologue to the novella at the end of the book, and another, unfinished sonnet plays a part in it. Another story is formatted as prose, though it maintains a Shakespearean sonnet form.

The final novella Plaything both stands alone and seems to sum up the book. At the Itty Bitty Kitty Coffee Shop Doria, the Stray, a waitress, has fucked a man in the alleyway. He’s a regular for a while. He picks up another woman, Melinda. He takes her away from all this, puts her in his mansion. There she becomes the Plaything and he becomes the Daddy. There she is safe, in her round of ballet lessons and true crime on parental controlled iPad and serving Daddy. She does not have to face the world. She does not have to make decisions.

The only one who knows she’s there is the Stray, the one who Daddy did not want. The one who hides her contact details with the Plaything. Why would the Plaything want to leave. There is nothing for her outside, only crime and stress. She is safe inside.

Until she learns what is within, the secrets her Daddy keeps from her.My copy (in my hand) A Family Trip To Florida

I’ve never been to Florida, the state that haunts this book, and that the book in turn haunts back. I was never a girl, nor had a girlhood of any sort and do not look to try and claim or reclaim one. On occasion I’ve had male role models and as often they have disappointed me, yet I wasn’t looking for a father, a protector. The games of dominance and submission – well we all play some of that, that is what living in human society is. But I don’t place them at the heart of relationships, invite them into the bedroom and back out again. On the face of it this book is not my thing.

This isn’t important. Reading things that aren’t my thing might be difficult, though here the prose is crystal clear and silky smooth. So the girls oppressed by family and rules and school and the customs of their fellow students, I see them and feel their quiet despair. The women who have grown up wanting to be controlled, in turn taking their own control through submission, I grasp their desires.

The book takes me to places I didn’t know about and I’m richer for learning about them.

Skip To The End

Read This: A journey through a more-or-less dreamlike Florida in search of childhood and fathers Don’t Read This: Too many explorations of intertwining girlhood and abuse, violence and control Disclosure: I have been published by Kristin Garth’s website Pink Plastic House Available From: Anxiety Press, or Pink Plastic House, or online bookshops. For more from Kristin, try her substack

[maybege]

I’ve lurked a long time, here and in other fandoms. I think lockdown was the first time a lot of people encountered fan works of any kind, and because people had so much time, and so fewer options of things to do, they created more work than we had ever seen before. It was lovely! But it was not sustainable, and it was not normal. It was, I will say, hard to keep up sometimes as a reader.

Now we’ve settled back down, I think, and the expectations of some people have not altered. Of course we’re going to see more gaps! People have lives! And now they’re able to really enjoy them! That’s not a bad thing! I love seeing that a work I follow has updated after a few weeks or months or however long. It’s like bumping into a friend, like oh hello it’s you! I missed you! What’s up?

Posting schedules and irregular updates happen, they’re normal. I don’t think everyone understands that but they should. And you shouldn’t hate on anyone for being irregular. It’s nothing personal and also creators don’t owe anyone anything. Ever.

I also think people really need to realize that feedback and encouragement matter so much, it’s a basic part of being human. I try to leave comments here and on AO3, and I am imperfect on that, but even a “hey this was great!” Is better than silence. There’s no algorithm really here, or on AO3. So exposure/getting eyes on your thing works a lot differently.

I also think people need to remember creators are people with feelings. I saw only bits and pieces of how bad things got during the height of a certain… obsession of a specific fandom we’ll say and it was awful. And I was only seeing it! I wasn’t receiving it. I don’t think a lot of people who recently got into fandom realize how abnormal the rate of pandemic creation was, and I don’t think they’re as, how do I say, polite. Like the socialization is off if that makes sense. This isn’t a competition, there’s no point in comparing X with Y or A to B. That’s not why any of this exists! And not everyone will write or read or enjoy the same thing and that’s ok! What’s not okay is making comparisons, offering backhanded complements, or judging someone based off of what pieces of fandom they want to consume. I really hope we don’t backslide into that nonsense again

I don’t know if any of this is coherent. But your post got me thinking and I thought I’d throw out my unsolicited opinion here

-💛

I agree with you so so much! And that last paragraph just took me back to said drama and oh my those were a horrible few days in fandom for sure. 💀 You are right with everything you said! Sometimes I think readers feel discouraged about commenting because they think that we expect these long and elaborate comments but that is not true at all! Even a simple "I really enjoyed this!" can make someone's day 🥰

let's talk fandom

[imagine-silk]

the characterization of characters perceived through an imperfect lens

There is something I’ve always noticed while reading fanfiction and even fanart/comics. Characters are almost never the same as the canon.

Don’t get me wrong, that’s not a problem in the slightest. Creative license has always been something I’ve approved of and if I find anything distasteful I just don’t dwell on it. Why yell at the cookie when you can go for the cake is how I see it. But this topic has always fascinated me.

Take Hancock for example. I’ve seen headcanons that paint him as a man with no morals who loves chems, sex, and fighting and not much else. I’ve also seen people make him out as a man of the people who makes friendship bracelets with the main character as soon as they walk into Goodneighbor. I personally see him different. So which one is real? In short, all of them. The game it’s self doesn’t have enough interactions to show a lot of character depth as it probably should. (Granted I think that about most games)

People fill in the gaps based on their perceptions of what they’ve seen of them, how much they agree with them, how much they’re willing to overlook, or even if they like them or not.

Isn’t that just cool as all hell!?

My brother asked my why my headcanons were so out of character and I told him it’s a combination of what I think the characters should have been, working under the idea of them developing differently, and a splash of romanticizing them. Sometimes I think a character would act horribly in a situation but I don’t turn that in to an ask that wants romance. So I change the lens, I fix the focus, and suddenly I see something different. It’s not out of character if people and perception is sometimes narrow and always subject to change. Truly the only limit is your imagination.

[A little fact about me is that my blog header thing ‘Imagines for everyone and No one’ is about this very train of thought. If everyone likes my post that’s great. If no one does then no one does. Both are okay. Of course I like it when people comment but I like the idea that people can like it in passing, that idea makes me just as happy. I hope you liked this or made you think for a second.]

[amorphous-binary]

For the art ask: 14, 21, 25

14: “Any favourite motifs?”

I’ve been reading older books recently, and I’m a bit fascinated by the distinction drawn between “old money” and “new money”. Age of Innocence and The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton are really good examples of what I mean.

I like motifs that foreshadow things, but when the thing happens, it happens in a horrible way. So, a character’s always gushing about wanting to visit the ocean? They wind up murdered and tossed in the sea -- thing’s like that!

As for fics that I’ve written? I think I had a “hot = passion, cold = apathy, dislike” sort of thing going on in Habitual Affair.

Then, in Idyllic, Aphelion’s obsession with Vosian culture was written with the intention of it being a motif. From the same fic, I think I did plan for there to be more unorthodox guardians in the neighbourhood. So, sparklings that were being raised/minded by grandparents, their parents’ siblings/good friends -- that sort of thing.

21: “Art styles nothing like your own, but you like anyway”

Traditional:

I am supremely jealous of people who are able to replicate realism with watercolour; it’s difficult! Unlike acrylic and oil, you can’t cover up your mistake. Extra kudos to people who use gouache in a way that makes their art look both finished and unfinished.

As for specific people: I really liked The-Starhorse’s watercolour art, same with rinovarka and soothedcerberus! Blackhellcat on deviantart, too -- her style reminds me a lot of ... her art style is the sort of thing I’d expect to see from a cartoonist: lots of quick, confidently done lines.

Digital art:

Any person that can make digital art look like traditional art baffles and astounds me. I’m not referring to people using a paper-like texture over digital artwork and calling it “digital watercolour”. I mean people who, through what I can only assume to be witchcraft, manipulate the traditional medium they’re using -- imperfections and all.

njclaws, vashtiharrison, sweatsinnubian, star_bite, rt0no, gdbee and manny.oe (all on instagram) are probably my favourite digital artists at the moment (for non-TF art, anyway).

25: “Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by”

In no particular order:

Studio Ghlibi (never seen one of their films; I’ve only ever seen screenshots of them and while the art is nice, it’s not my thing)

Beatrix Potter (I prefer simpler watercolour styles, but hers is pretty!)

Lynn Munsinger (I love her illustrative work, but it wasn’t anything I was inspired by)

[sigurdjarlson]

Thinking Greg, Ewan and Marianne (also Tom)

Also me rambling about a few takes I see here and there on Greg that I (respectfully) don’t really agree with.

Generally just me making things a lot deeper than they probably are, a lot of speculation and headcanons, blah blah.

Disclaimer: if you disagree that’s perfectly fine. None of this is an attack on anyone. Or even aimed at anyone in particular.It’s more just rambling and getting thoughts out.

Oh and the usual “I don’t condone what these characters do and they all suck” disclaimer because if you don’t put that people assume ur like lusting after Bezos bc you like fictional capitalists

Tw: abuse mentions (I’m regards to Ewan and Logan’s childhood and Tom and Greg. Also brief Tom/Shiv mention too)

First off I think Ewan is more similar to Logan than he thinks. I don’t actually like Ewan very much. I think he’s generally an unpleasant dude.

His morals come off performative. It seems more like he wants to find a way to be superior to Logan (being clearly bitter about Logan getting more than him) and has settled into believing he’s morally superior.

But he still backs Logan when the vote of no confidence happens. You know, the guy he claims is singlehandedly my destroying the world? It’s a selfish decision based on his own sense of familial loyalty rather than trying to make the world better.

He’s sitting on millions himself after all (and not just the inheritance he’s dangling over Greg’s head and later donated to Green Peace) so frankly he’s not exactly the voice of the people over there.

His relationship with Greg in particular is..sad. There’s no emotional warmth there from Ewan. None at all. Even when Greg tries to be affectionate he’s immediately rebuffed. He treats Greg with same disdain and annoyance as everyone else.

It’s possible he’s disappointed in how Greg turned out even before he dug his heels in and refused to leave the company. Greg didn’t exactly seem like he had a lot going from him lmao.

Maybe he’s just incapable of genuine selfless affection much like his brother. Whatever abuse they went through has clearly left them very..dysfunctional to say the least .

Ewan isn’t as outright cruel to Greg as Logan is to his kids. He doesn’t and hasn’t hit him to our knowledge. He just..has no emotional warmth and affection. Something Greg clearly wants.

He’s manipulative like Logan though. Greg does something he doesn’t like and he dangles his inheritance over his head as a threat. When Greg refuses to comply he donates it.

And then we have Marianne who we know almost nothing about.

It’s hard to say because we no absolutely nothing about Marianne’s mother but from what I can see she seems about as distant as Ewan is with Greg.

It could be that she’s simply annoyed with him and maybe she doesn’t act like that with him all the time but honestly i think she probably is emotionally distant like her father.

I mean I get that Greg probably asked for money a lot but her refusing to give him anything was kind of cruel. Dude had to sleep in a church and steal food from work. Like you sent him there and he actually is trying to get in so maybe idk support your son?

We know she racked up a ton of credit card debt that Greg pays off for her. Which is hmm interesting and again kind of shitty for her to do that? I mean I know he’s got money now but who’s mooching off who now LMAO

We know she’s got some of that Roy cunning and predisposition for manipulation. She’s the one who encourages Greg to use nepotism to get what he wants, she tells him to strategize and decide who’s more important [Shiv or Roman].

But she does tell her father to make sure Greg eats when he’s in town so she clearly cares about him somewhat.

I’ve seen people headcanon she’s got a drug problem given that she’s shown taking pills but those could be anything. (Health problems, mental health problems, some pain meds because dealing with Greg gives her a headache lmao)

Also she has a dog so that’s nice. I like to think Greg is a dog person.

We also know she was married at one point to Greg’s father who from what we know is basically an absentee slutty gay dad.

Nicholas mentions Greg comes from a “broken family” and says his father isn’t around and his mother feels far away. They also refer to Greg as being raised by his mother. So we can assume Mr Hirsch took off on them at some point

Nicholas really focused on that it isn’t just about the money for Greg. He wants a family. He wants to be a part of something.

It’s very telling Logan gets him to stay against his grandfather’s wishes with “I like you, Greg. I do.” I doubt that was genuine but pretend affection worked like a charm with Greg because his grandfather doesn’t give him that. (I don’t think Ewan DOES like Greg lmao)

So Greg’s dad took off and his grandfather is about as emotionally intelligent as a worm. Not exactly the best father figures eh?

Or Tom getting Greg to open the cruise files with “You’re family.” And Greg just says “thank you.”

And the Roys are fucking insane but “there are enough good moments with these people that he feels like he’s a part of something” - NB

And I find it interesting they say he wants family when his mother and grandfather are family but I think it’s fair to assume they’re both emotionally repressed so Greg looks elsewhere for the approval, guidance and affection he wants so badly.

(And ended up looking in the worst place possible)

We don’t know how many times Greg has seen his cousins and uncle before this. Caroline says they knew him as Greg the Egg and Shiv knows enough to correct Logan when he calls him Craig

(I assume Marianne and Greg were cut off when Ewan and Logan became estranged, if they weren’t already I mean. Although Marianne was able to contact Marcia to tell her Greg was coming so she must keep in contact to some degree)

If I’m not mistaken Connor says something to Greg in the background “your mother is funny” at the dinner table so they know who she is.

We also know they weren’t particularly wealthy. I’ve seen the (it was either a show runner or Nicholas Braun) where they say he’s never had a pair of nice leather shoes and never had a nice fitted suit in his entire life.

Greg is absolutely awed by their lifestyle. (Makes me think maybe if he did ever see his cousins it was when he was younger). He clearly didn’t have his cousins’ lavish lifestyle.

Which is odd because Ewan has money. He could share it with his daughter and grandson but he doesn’t. Why? Out of principle? Did she give him a reason? (Like racking up credit card debt lmao) Despite all his preaching he is seemingly fine with letting his daughter and grandson struggle.

But my conclusion is I think Greg came from a fairly emotionally detached family and that’s why there’s this part of him craving attention, affection and approval.

That’s a part of Greg I don’t see many people discuss and Nicholas Braun keeps emphasizing it. He’s lonely and he’s scared. He doesn’t have anyone except Tom and Tom is volatile and abusive to him sometimes.

(Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship, I love these dysfunctional maniacs but in the end that is what a lot of Tom’s aggressive behavior is. Abuse. I won’t deny that because that would be doing a disservice to both the characters and the ship. It’s so interesting because it’s messed up. Same with Hannibal and Will. Nothing wrong with shipping problematic things because well, they’re not real so no one is getting hurt)

Yes Tom’s behavior is a result of Shiv’s emotional abuse but that doesn’t really excuse it. It just explains it. I love both Tom and Shiv btw

But yeah Greg is thrust into a world he knows nothing about and he has to adapt. He’s trying to emulate the people around him and unfortunately they all suck lmao so he’s becoming a progressively worse person as he adapts to this lifestyle.

Tom praises him for blackmailing him, Gerri praises him for snitching on Tom, Kendall praises him for blackmailing him as well. Every time he lights up like a Christmas tree

Is Greg greedy? Hell yeah but I think his greed comes from a different place than the Roys greed comes from.

Greg has been a rock bottom before, he had nothing when he arrived. Why wouldn’t he want security? And then why wouldn’t he want luxury? (His cousins have it and they didn’t do anything to earn it other than being born into the right family)

He’s desperate to not to end up sleeping on church pews and scrounging food from offices again.

(I wonder if there ever was or is any lingering bitterness/resentment that they get all this and he got so very little. If there was I’m sure Ewan was the source)

Nicholas Braun says a lot of things boil down to being about survival for Greg and that tracks.

He jumps sides and blackmails and manipulated because he’s trying to survive in this cutthroat world and he needs to be on the winning side to keep himself afloat. (Is that not what they all try to do?)

It’s not out of malice or cruelty. It’s necessity. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone intentionally but he’s looking out for himself. Self preservation.

If Shiv, Connor, Roman or Kendall fail they usually still have obscene amounts of money to fall back on because for all his threats Logan won’t let them stay gone for long. He’s too controlling.

Greg does not have that. Especially after Ewan takes away his inheritance.

(No one else is looking out for him after all except Tom and that’s a volatile, rocky and confusing relationship for him. Also Tom did fuck him over by implicating by in the cruise scandal and was originally planning on using him as a scapegoat)

He’s watching them all stab each other in the back every other day and he’s also being praised for shitty behavior. Is it really a surprise he’s got progressively “worse”?

Also frankly no one is particularly nice to him? He’s constantly mocked, berated, humiliated and dismissed by everyone. They were so ready to sacrifice him and Tom “Tom sundae with Greg Sprinkles”

There are enough nice moments as NB said that Greg feels like he’s a part of this messed up family but..he’s really not. Like by blood yes but in their eyes? He’s not really a Roy. Neither is Tom. They’re not on the same level.

So..sometimes I ask myself why do people act like Greg owes any of them loyalty? Because they’re family? Bullshit, that doesn’t matter. I hate that shit. If family treats you like shit you don’t owe them anything. No matter what material things they give you.

Also hm maybe I’m an ass for this but I don’t care that Greg is a bit of a mooch when it’s the Roys he’s mooching off of. They are billionaires. They’ll survive Greg being a bit of a parasite (might as well get something out dealing with that family) it’s not like he’s going to hurt their feelings either.

I see a lot of “Greg acts entitled to stuff because of his family it’s disgusting. Nepotism at its finest” and this one makes me laugh because yeah I can see a few times where acts like that…but so is every single character on this fucking show? The Roy children more than any other characters.

The Roy kids didn’t earn their dad’s fortune. They are living off their father and if he didn’t own the business none of them would have a job there because none of them know what the fuck they’re doing or how to interact with other human beings (Roman especially LMAO)

Connor literally lives off his dad’s money and does pretty much nothing else until he decides he’s going to try to be president (Connor my beloved..you are so dumb)

I’m not saying he’s better than them either. Just that they’re both shitty and I don’t see how Greg doing the same things the Roys do makes him the most evil character on the show (no joke I have seen people say that and not in a joking way)

There’s a weird very aggressive double standard for people who just HATE greg for some reason (which is fine) and I think that’s a failing in the writing because Greg doesn’t have nearly as much material for the audience to sympathize with and get to know him like we do the Roy kids.

So when he does dick things it’s like “wow what a dick” rather than “oh he did that because ____ and he’s still a dick but I get it now”

I mean I’m looking for those things because I’m deranged but the average viewer I mean.

(Tom gets a lot of these same takes about not being worthy, being too entitled, needing to be knocked down a peg, etc or whatever but he gets a lot more sympathy than Greg and again that’s a flaw in the writing for Greg. Or maybe it’s on purpose who knows.)

Anyway we were talking about Greg not owing loyalty to the Roys.

Kendall gives him an apartment but it’s not a completely selfless gesture lbr. He needed a place for his parties. He needed Greg to get him coke and wanted to keep him on his side.I love Ken but he doesn’t seem to care much about Greg as a person.

He doesn’t owe Tom anything either because frankly Tom owed him for getting him into the cruise situation in the first place. Also considering the abuse Tom has consistently flung at him… (both physical, emotional and mental) it makes sense he feels a mix of resentment and a desire to get the fuck out of there

Sometimes I get the feeling people think Greg like owes Tom love back? (You can’t owe someone love just because they were nice to you a few times for that matter but that’s a whole other conversation) like because Tom loves him so much he’s a terrible person for not feeling the same way? (If you’re assuming unrequited in Greg’s part)

If I was Greg I’d fucking hate Tom. I would have called HR a loooooong time ago. (It wouldn’t do anything with that shit show of a company but I digress)

The fact Greg willingly sticks around after his attempts to leave are foiled is insane.

The fact he even seems to genuinely like Tom is a strange miracle. Yes, Tom has done truly good things for him but he also abuses him. That does not disappear or become magically forgotten just because he’s doing something good for him now.

I think Greg cares for Tom but I also think there’s a lot of resentment there over how he’s been treated. He doesn’t like how imbalanced their relationship is. He wants them on equal footing.

Tom is so many things to Greg no wonder he’s completely baffled by him. (I see people say three don’t understand how Greg can’t see it but uh the hostile behavior would throw me for a loop too. Just because it’s obvious to the audience doesn’t mean the characters themselves are being written with the same knowledge we have)

He’s all these conflicting wonderful, horrible things.

He’s safety, he’s danger, he’s affection, he’s scorn, he’s a helping hand, he’s the hand holding him down, he saves him, he purposefully implicated him in his crimes, he says trust me, he says never trust anyone, he’s a kiss on the forehead and bruises from water bottles flung at him in a rage.

He’s all of these things at once and I think that’s really fucking confusing for Greg.

I think Tom does realize he needs to put them on more equal ground for their relationship to improve in Greg’s end. (Greg’s less than pleased reaction to being offered the position of “Tom’s attack dog’ is very telling. He doesn’t want to be under Tom’s thumb anymore. He resents that power imbalance)

Will Greg betray Tom? I don’t know. Only time will tell if all those lessons on being ruthless have truly sunk in.

Tom kicked that dog [Greg] a hell of a lot and petting him now won’t make him forget. He shouldn’t be surprised if/when Greg turns around and bites him too.

Do I think losing Tom would devastate Greg? Yes, regardless of how you interpret their relationship. Tom is really the only person he has. He’d be completely alone. So, betraying Tom would ultimately ruin him too because the rich life won’t be so much fun with no one to share it with. It’ll be empty and pointless.

Logan is gonna play the same mind games with these two as he does his kids. (New kids who dis) and ultimately whether they end up screwing each other over or not (hopefully just screwing part heh) there’s no way this will end well

Another point I wanted to touch on is Greg’s complete disinterest in sex up until it’s suggested he can use Comfrey or the Contessa to climb the social ladder. (He expresses clear discomfort at the idea at the bachelor’s party being a sex party and doesn’t even respond to Tom’s “we should talk to some girls”)

And he loses interest the moment a girl seems to return his affection.

This could be interpreted as closeted Greg or at least Greg who’s willing to play straight to get better social status.

(But also bi Greg is a possibility but he just isn’t interested in them beyond social climbing apparently)

I for one like the idea of gay closeted Greg? Because I think seeing him struggle with the idea of becoming his father (gay homewrecker) would be really very interesting.

There’s a lot of potential here. Internalized homophobia even? Where he unconsciously sees being gay as something bad, as something that destroyed his family? Or just being terrified that his mother will look at him and think he’s just like his father.

Just daddy issues galore because not only did he lose his father but he has no stable father figure in his life. (I think he sees Tom as one in a twisted way, but also a potential lover. Daddy issuessss)

Like he needs someone to guide him and love him.

He can chase riches all he wants and that may keep him living in the lap of luxury but it doesn’t mean he’ll be happy.

In fact Nicholas B says that Greg just needs someone to ask him if he’s okay? Because he’s not. “Everything feels bad in this world all the time for him”

Greg is greedy. He’s..starving for a lot of things. For love, family, security, money, power, all of it. He wants all of it and he wants it all at the same time. (Who doesn’t want these things to some degree)

And I think it’s because he’s never really had any of those things in the first place.

I also think at this point he’s very lonely when it comes down to it. Tom is all he has and that’s probably half of why he tolerates Tom’s behavior at first (also he didn’t really have a choice) before he genuinely starts to care about him too

And he does show genuine concern for Tom at times. I think it’s just a very complicated relationship, maybe even more so on Greg’s side because of how volatile and wishy washy Tom has been to him.

“I wonder if she’d still be there if she knew the real me?” (Who is the real you, Greg? Because honestly we don’t know at this point and I really hope we get to know him 😉)

I just really wanna know more about Greg and his family okay. Let me get to know Greg the Egg