#they’re literally one year younger than I am

[sea-jello]

hong kong miku,,,

[leclercvsx]

DILF | SMAU

sebastian vettel

pairings: sebastian vettel x reader

summary: y/n is dating Seb who is 15 years older than her but despite the age gap theyre just like any other couple

warnings: age gap (?)

yourusername

liked by sebastianvettel, landonorris and 47,628 others

yourusername: in my lover era 🫶

TAGGED: sebastianvettel

sebastianvettel: i love you❤️

yourusername: ugh i love you too😭❤️

user: girlie isn’t he old enough to be your dad😨

landonorris: i took the last photo btw

yourusername: we know🙄

user: am i the only one that find this weird ???

user: definitely not the only one

friendusername: my fav couple😔

yourusername: love you😘😘

user: he’s literally almost DOUBLE her age wtf

—

sebastianvettel

liked by yourusername, lewishamilton and 815k others

sebastianvettel: great time seeing everyone again 🙏🏼

TAGGED: lewishamilton, yourusername

lewishamilton: loved seeing you mate, your girlfriends lovely by the way💙

sebastianvettel: she’s the best❤️

yourusername: making me blush and shi☺️

user: he’s basically dating a child

user: nah cos this is still so weird

user: im actually so grossed out rn

user: girl me too

user: he should be with someone his own age, not someone that’s just hit puberty

user: a bit predatory if u ask me

—

yourusername

liked by sebastianvettel, lewishamilton and 25,184 others

yourusername: in a world of boys he’s a gentlemen ❤️

TAGGED: sebastianvettel

user: “gentlemen” it’s because he’s almost double your age babe

sebastianvettel: the love of my life❤️

yourusername: i will cry

sebastianvettel: please don’t, love

user: she’s probably with him for his money and fame tbh

friendusername: i don’t think she’d tolerate all this nasty ass behaviour if she was with him for his money or fame. leave them alone.🙄

liked by sebastianvettel and yourusername

user: i actually think they’re super cute😭

user: no cos me too like i want what they have

lewishamilton: you guys really are the cutest

yourusername: 😛

—

y/n

sebastian

seb❤️

what’s wrong? you never call me by my full name

y/n

i think we should break up:/

seb❤️

what the hell are you on about? i don’t think we should break up.

where’s all this coming from?

y/n

everyone’s calling you a freak for being with a “child” and saying that you’re too old for me or that you’re old enough to be my dad and i don’t want anyone to continue hating on you. so as much as i love you and hate myself for doing this, i think it’s for the best.

seb❤️

no.

i won’t let you break up with me due to jealous children on the internet, Y/n. i love you and i do not care about anyone else’s opinions.

So what if we have an age gap? we’re both legal, mature adults who can decide who we want to date.

i’ll sort this all out, my love. don’t worry❤️

—

sebastianvettel

liked by lewishamilton, yourusername and 1,628,273 others

sebastianvettel: Y/n and i have been dating for the past year and a half, yes we started dating when she was 19 (4 days before she was 20) and i had just turned 34 but we both discussed this for a while. We’re both legal, consenting, mature adults and choose to date each-other because we love eachother. There is nothing wrong with our relationship. If you find out relationship weird, then YOU are the problem (y/n taught me how to say that.)

Y/n is the love of my life and i don’t ever want that to change. Thanks to some people online, you have made my lovely, wonderful and beautiful girlfriend try to break up with me because she doesn’t want me getting hated on. We’re still very much together and will be for the foreseeable future.

I love you, Y/n. Ignore the jealous, immature children❤️

TAGGED: yourusername

yourusername: sobbing on my floor right now. i love you so so much😭❤️

sebastianvettel: don’t cry, my love.

lewishamilton: ignore the immature people, they don’t know what they’re talking about.

liked by yourusername

user: i actually feel really bad now

user: proud to say i’ve always been a y/nseb shipper btw

landonorris: i would say mother and father but y/n is younger than me so😔

yourusername: you aren’t helping this situation, Lando.

landonorris: it was a JOKE. you know i love you both really🙏🏼🙏🏼

liked by sebastianvettel

——————————

this is quite a short one cos i ran out of ideas lol, but anyway i hope you all enjoy!

this was either gonna be for carlos, daniel or seb but i chose seb cos he’s my fav person ever😛

AND YES I KNOW THE AGE GAP IS A LITTLE EXTREME BUT THIS IS ALL FICTION !!!

REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN 🫶

masterlist | request

[aforestescape]

thinking about older bf simon x younger reader

content includes: fat simon yummy, afab!reader, short reader, fat/chubby reader, cunnilingus, completely self indulgent

yeah i also wrote this at like 3 am:) enjoy

you meet at the grocery store you frequent. somewhere in between aisles as you’re on the phone with your cousin. talking over plans for the weekend, meeting up for drinks at her place and ordering in dinner and cheesecake. a little ways down the aisle is a tall, broad figure. you'd spotted him a minute or so previously, eyes stuck to him for a few seconds too long. eyeing the way his arms and stomach filled out the material. the barley noticeable flex as he moved to grab his item.

letting your eyes trail up from his stomach, chest, neck, and then finally his face only to realize with a start that he was looking right at you. honeyed eyes trained directly on you. watching you watch him with an intense stare that had you immediately turning out the lane. embarrassment flushing your body a few degrees hotter than normal for being caught checking this man out.

as you end your phone call and enter a new aisle you pass through it, grabbing a snack that’s no where on your grocery list but you deserve a treat. as you reach the end you find what you’re looking for. only three items left and they’re stuffed back against the shell. you roll your eyes in annoyance, rocking up onto your toes as you stretch for it. your fingers grazing over the baggy but not close enough to pinch between your fingers.

you plant back down on the ground, letting out a huff of air. pressing your body into the shelf as you attempt to grab it once again. you’re a little closer to grabbing it now. almost managing before a black clothed arm reaches past you to pluck the item.

simons hulk directly behind you, standing in a black hoodie and his normal mask covering the bottom half of his face. it doesn't hide the scars that liter the rest of it though or the ones on his hands as he reaches past you to grab the bag of granola you'd been trying to get. he steps back slightly and gives the bag to you.

you offer him a smile and thank him, voice quiet as you take in his face up close. you can only see from the bridge of his nose and up. a long scar peeking out from the half skull mask. he lets out a grunt in acknowledgment, turning to walk away before you stop him. you take a small breath, deciding to be brave because how bad could it be to ask?

“er- i hope this isn’t weird to ask, but are you single?”

he’s not expecting the question, staring you down for a few unnerving seconds before telling you that, yes he is single. and after exchanging numbers you spend the rest of the week messaging. his answers are sparse through the day but he tells you it’s because he works security during that time. he asks you about your days at night when you’re heading to bed, enjoying your mundane rambles and work tea over the phone.

you send him a picture before and some videos after you getting drunk at your cousins flat. loud music playing in the background as you down a shot, nose scrunched slightly before grinning at the camera. another of you dancing with a friend? he assumes, both of you with cups in your hand and giggling while you twirl around in her kitchen.

you haven’t known each other long at all in the grand scheme but he’s sure he can get used to this. hearing your drunken laugh and slurred speech as you head to your front door from your uber. still living at home and in your last year of university but he doesn’t care. it appeals to him honestly, your brain and that you’re studious enough to have seeked out higher education of your own wanting. he didn’t, knew it wasn’t something he’d be able to do in place of getting away from his awful home life.

leaving his mother and brother behind, doomed to their fate in order to escape the father who raised him. he praises you for it as the weeks go by and you stress to him about mid terms. over in his flat after classes, sat on the floor of his living room with books spread out. every so often he’ll reach his hand down from his spot on the couch, large fingers smoothing over your head like you’re a pet. petting your head and soothing you in his own way.

he’ll take you out on dates on his days off or pick you up to come over to his. he prefers being inside and smaller places. something he’s glad you accommodate to though really you also prefer to be indoors. date nights consisting of standing in his kitchen, prepping for dinner and talking with low music in the background. smiling and reaching on your toes to give his cheek a soft peck as he loops his thick arm round your waist.

you still hadn’t seen his entire face yet but well, you didn’t care much. it couldn’t be that different and the half you could see was attractive enough. and so was his body. you’d always been attracted to thicker frames. hairy chests and abdomens that cover up fatter tummies and delicious pecs. it both made you go absolutely feral and also made you feel more comfortable with your own thicker body.

having grown into a curvier and chubby body came with the occasional feeling of unattractiveness. it wasn’t true at all, your weight and curves only adding to your beauty, something simon said to you whenever he’d catch the way you’d stare at yourself in the mirror sometimes. leaning down and wrapping his bulk around you from behind. big, freckled and scarred arms holding you flush against him so you could feel the swell of his cock.

he’d kiss up and down your neck through his mask. low and thick accented voice singing your praises while his hands would search and grope the rolls on your body. holding the weight of your breast in his hands and squeezing as you’d moan in his arms. simon letting out a chuckle before kissing you again and keeping on with exploring you. coaxing you into bed where he could spread your plush thighs apart and worship you for hours.

keeping them apart with his forearms as he lapped up your arousal. a pillow under your lower back and your hands caught in the sheets, tugging on his hair, covering your face as you moaned in bliss. simons warm tongue spreading your lips as he flicked the muscle up and down them. letting his saliva pool and add to the obscene noises filling the air of his bedroom while he dined on you.

devouring your cunt, one hand on your stomach. caressing and squeezing and pushing down gently on it. roaming upwards to pluck and tug on your sensitive nipples. making your back arch as you cried out from the stinging pleasure. moaning into your slick cunt as he sucked on your clit. sucking and licking back down to stick his tongue inside your hole.

he’d go on for hours, holding your trembling body and praising you through every orgasm. even as you cried and shook from exertion, plush body covered in a layer of sweat. vision blurred and mind fuzzy around the edges. moans of how good you tasted, how pretty you were, how perfect your body is. all just for him, “just for me, right doll? only i get to eat this pretty pussy of yours. all mine, hm.”

and when he was finally done he’d clean you up. hold you in his arms under the blankets while you thanked him softly. pressing kisses to his chest in your sleepy and fucked out state. the telly on some random cartoon as you both drifted off in each others arms.

in a funnier world simon doesn’t actually help you at the grocers. he reaches past you and just as you’re going to turn and thank him for the hand he places the last of the granola in his own cart buggy and goes about his day. never mind the cutie who was staring at him for some reason?

anyways there will be another part cause i didn’t even get to the scene that made me want to write this��prepare for angst in the future hehe

[moutainrusing]

afterlife

544 words, @wolfstarmicrofic

Hands intertwined, they died. Remus and his best friend. Tonks and her partner-in-crime.

Bodies intertwined, they were pulled into a bone-crushing hug with James and his soulmate. Lily and the love of her life.

When Remus stepped back, he met the eyes of Sirius.

Sirius bit the inside of his cheek, staring Remus right back. Remus had married his cousin, once-removed, who was much younger than he was, but still of age, and honestly, it should be completely fine, but Sirius felt like he should say something. He didn’t know what. Remus was his friend, wasn’t he? He should make sure that Remus’s wife was above and beyond, someone Remus deserved and more. Remus deserved everything and more. Remus was everything and more.

Tonks was his cousin. She was brilliant, and probably acceptable enough. It was hard to find someone suitable enough for Remus, because he deserved perfection, but Sirius supposed that Tonks cut it.

After all, she was his cousin. Oh, he was supposed to make sure his cousin married someone amazing too. His cousin did deserve the best. Remus was the best. Even better than the best. He approved of Remus as a husband very much. This couple was acceptable.

With his gaze never leaving Remus’s face, Sirius seized him and pulled him into a long, strictly platonic and brotherly embrace.

They were very much friends. After all, friends always wanted to hug each other all the time. Into the crook of Remus’s neck, he grinned, “So, couldn’t survive more than two years without me, huh?”

That was when his cousin interrupted. Really, Sirius loved Dora. Except, he was having a very brotherly moment with Remus, alright? She cut into their hug and teased, “He couldn’t survive without you at all, Sirius.”

Sirius beamed, “Really?”

Remus shook his head fondly. “I am not stroking your ego.”

“But you don’t need to. You missed me.”

“Of course I did, old friend.”

James snorted. Lily burst out laughing. Tonks sighed.

“So… even in the afterlife, they still have no clue,” James muttered.

“It’s okay,” Tonks nodded optimistically. “They have eternity to figure it out now.”

“Not if they firmly believe they’re brothers,” Lily rolled her eyes. “Honestly, James, this is your fault. You literally convinced them that Marauders were only brothers.”

Tonks gasped, turning to pin an accusing finger to James’s chest, “You did what?!”

“Don’t blame me!” James held his hands in surrender. He narrowed his eyes at Tonks, “You literally married Remus! You’re the one who has stunted his emotional growth!”

“Pfft,” Tonks waved a dismissive hand. “We only married ‘cause sometimes best friends do that. And sometimes they fuck.”

“That’s true,” Lily agreed sagely. “Mary and I had a healthy friends-with-benefits relationship.”

James whipped his head to face her. “What?!”

Lily fondly closed his gaping mouth. “Don’t lie, I know that you and Sirius got yourselves drunkenly married and had to file an annulment.”

“That was a secret!” James burst out. He moped, “It was supposed to be Remus and Sirius.”

All three turned to face Remus and Sirius, who were both smiling at each other, hugging at random intervals while they finished each other’s sentences.

All three face-palmed, groaned, and went to annoy Regulus because they could not with this.

[chairofchaos]

You Deserve Better, and Other Points for Reflection

Hey friends, listen up. Real talk for a second, because nobody deserves this. And, in case anybody cares, I want you to know I come with 12 years of learning on this exact debate we have been having, because I had some very excellent fandom mentors in my communities and in the form of my uncles, who to this day support me writing and reading whatever hell I please, even in the face of protest from my immediate family. There was a lot of learning I had to do to be here with you now, and I am thankful for those people who were willing to tell me so.

If you want to post memes and think pieces and jokes and poems about a fandom debate, go ahead! You create the experience you want to see on your dash, and you will find your people.

If you want to discuss a fandom debate (a little or a lot), go ahead! I’m all for thinking through how we live and act and exist as a fan community.

If you feel that you need to take those things and turn them into vitriol to pour into the DMs and Anons of people who are running a fan week, that is not okay. Not in the slightest.

There is a big difference between debate, discussion, creative protest, and joking around, and intentionally using your words to create harm in someone’s life.

“But, Chaos, this [thing not directly sent to you/not specifically intended for you] hurt my feelings!”

Okay. Get burned once? Great! You learned something: don’t touch the hot iron again. (To translate: block the tag, block the person, whatever you need, and move on. If it isn’t for you that’s ok.) Hurt feelings are to tell you what you can and/or are willing to handle. If you don’t want to see it, block. (I love blocking tags it’s one of my little joys in life lol)

“Chaos, somebody said something really rude to me to my (virtual) face! What do I do?”

Well, you can either respond or you can block. Either way, it will probably help you to move on.

If you are responding, I beg you to keep one thing in mind. I want you to picture 7 year old you at the other end of that message. Or 13 year old you. What kind of words did they deserve to hear in a moment when maybe they weren’t getting something? Use those. Use them kindly, not in a condescending way, but in a “I want to explain this as gently as I would to my younger self” kind of way. If somebody keeps being mean, it isn’t worth it. Please use the block feature and move on. They are not worth your time.

Additionally, I would encourage you to do this: the “touch grass” mentality is something I only direct at myself. (I literally told myself to go touch grass yesterday, and there is at least one person who can corroborate that.) I stand by that decision every single day. It’s kept me out of a lot of trouble. Directing it at others does not end well, but directing it at yourself can be a good way to reflect and to consider sensible actions in the face of overwhelming situations or emotions (of which I experience many).

“Chaos, people are coming into anon and being hateful. Or just rude. Or they’re dumping triggering material into my anons.”

That is on them. That is not on you. They should not do that. And I am so sorry you are dealing with that. I’m going to be honest, I don’t know if you can block from anons (I’ve never even needed to look and so help you all if this is the post that makes me) but if you can, do. I will do what I can to help, if you need it. Regardless of where you stand on any of these issues, because I will not stand for hatred.

“I’m mad about [redacted] and I am going to be rude/mean/intentionally putting triggering material in people’s inboxes and activity feeds!”

You do that and you will be in a world of hurt, my friend. A world of hurt from yourself.

Because we create the experience we think we deserve. If you create an internet experience where it is acceptable to be hateful, vengeful, and downright cruel to other people, that is the experience you will receive in return. You deserve better than that. And if you believe that you deserve better than that but the people you’re directing cruelty towards don’t, then I want you to hear me: you will quickly find that you are not welcome anywhere. There will always be someone to disagree with. There will always be (at least) minute discrepancies in the way two or more people think, even people who are deeply similar.

Hurt the hand that reaches to help you- one day it will be raised against you in hurt as well.

As for me? Well, for that, I leave you with thoughts from George Washington’s Farewell address as paraphrased in Hamilton’s ‘One Last Time’:

“Though, in reviewing the incidents of my administration, I am unconscious of intentional error, I am nevertheless too sensible of my defects not to think it probable that I may have committed many errors.”

I am not a president (and thank god for that because who wants Chaos in charge of a country?). I am simply a fandom member. A writer. A little chaos gremlin lurking behind trees in the forest.

But like Mr. Washington, I am aware that I often fail to live up to my standards and principles. And I hope, truly, though it is wildly uncomfortable for me, that you would call me out for ways I have failed to uphold them, either in the past or in the future. (It would be super great if you like… called me out in DMs and didn’t put me on blast but oh well.)

I am in at least four other major (international, GIANT) fandoms. I am not hopeful enough to think that the ACOTAR fandom will learn from the fandoms of yore. We will have to weather these storms on our own, even with the knowledge and experiences already there. I think that’s okay. Disappointing, perhaps, but okay.

Since this post was much longer than it was intended to be, I will summarize:

If you are intentionally putting hateful materials in the inboxes, DMs, and activity feeds of people you disagree with, you will hurt yourself.

You create the experience you think you deserve, and in doing so, create that experience for others. Good or bad.

Block tags, block blogs, block what you need to enjoy the space. You will find your people.

Being intentionally cruel to other human persons is how you end up finding that nobody is “your people” because you created an environment where no one wants to be. You will be lonely and sad. Don’t make yourself lonely and sad.

I am certain I fail to uphold these principles at times. Feel free to call me out if you see me failing at these. DM appreciated, but I’m the one who invited you to do so so I’m not going to say “don’t blast me on main.” My funeral, I know.

[rodolfoparras]

what are ur headcanons for price? like they can be as weird or as normal like they don’t gotta be naughty it could be something like his fave food is crackers 😭😭

First of all I love this question thank you sm for asking it I was literally vibrating with excitement second of all I have so many I was a wee bit overwhelmed but I split them up in four types of HC, first one being about him specifically and then two of him in relationships and then one of him in platonic relationships is it obvious that I am hyper fixated on this man

Anyway here’s what Price would be like in a relationship and a bit about him

Price in a relationship:

Price had enlisted very early on in the army meaning that most of his life he’s spent being surrounded by men (and women) and he’s most definitely had different types of relationships with men, he’s probably even had one defining relationship with a man in his early days that didn’t last but left a lasting impact on him

Price rose very fast in rank, meaning most of his younger years he’d spent being dedicated to his work, and would have little to no time for serious relationships. If anything he’d indulge in hooks up that would happen at the many banquets and private parties organized by the army. If he were to ‘date’ anyone in his younger years it’d be for the sole reason of having someone to do romantic stuff with, to have someone to write letters to while stationed somewhere, to have someone special to visit during holidays, to have someone that knows your body better than a stranger would, but he wouldn’t be taking it seriously because at the end of the day the work he does is dangerous and having a serious relationship with someone would only put his significant other in danger.

Price would only start thinking about getting into a serious relationship once he gets a bit older and things have slowed down in both his private life and work life. He’d only date someone he’s known for years, not someone he met within a short period of time just to be sure that he can trust them and to be sure they’re taking the relationship as serious as he is because once he gets in a relationship he’s really in it for the long run.

Price likes to keep his work life and private life separated, only a handful of people would know if he was dating someone and even less people would know if were to marry someone.

If the person he’s dating happens to be in his team he’d treat them no different to how he treats any other soldier, for example you’d be sent out to train in heinous weather conditions along with the rest of the soldier, you’d get scolded if you were to mess up during a big mission, and there’s nothing but professionalism surrounding your interactions. However at some point he’s be more open to pda but even then it would only be around those closest to him.

When out in a bar with 141, he’ll put his arm behind your seat or rest his hand on your thigh, subconsciously tapping his finger or stroking the skin while listening to Soap’s drunken blabbering.

During a meeting he’ll pull his chair up next to yours, wipe at his nose to hide his smile and try to start the meeting pretending as if nothing strange had happened. However someone (Soap) will dare call him out on his action “oi cap was that the only chair available?!” To which he’d only respond with a harsh glare that would quickly shut the Scotsman up.

Or if you’re eating in the mess hall, you’ll see him quickly snatch something off your plate and when you meet his gaze with a questioning look on your face he’ll just say “it has pineapple in it you won’t like it”

Even though he’s very private about your relationship he’d keep something of yours strapped to his backpack or pinned to his bedroom wall and if you were to get married he’d get a small and simple tattoo to honor it but it’d be somewhere hidden so that even if he ends up captured and tortured they’d never find out about you.

If someone were to find out about your existence that shouldn’t know about it he’d lose it, tracking them down and getting rid of them.

Price wouldn’t be the type to get overly jealous or possessive. He likes to think he’s long surpassed the age for that but every once in a while he does get jealous and when that happens, he doesn’t like to make it obvious, matter of fact you can’t get him to admit for all the money in the world.

If there’s a soldier that’s getting rather chummy with you, he’ll stand off to the side, rocking on his heel while trailing his gaze across the room, pretending he’s unbothered by things

If you try to confront him about his jealousy he’ll fold his arms across his chest, doing his best to avoid your gaze, while a familiar heat creeps up his neck ears and cheeks.

If you’re dating him, you’re one of the people, if not the only person he feels comfortable confiding in. Price is so used to caring for everyone else, he doesn’t know how to let someone care for him.

So when he’s feeling upset he’ll crawl into bed with you or sit down and join you in whatever you are doing, hoping you won’t ask questions as he blinks back tears.

“What are you reading?” He says, voice soft and pointing to the book in your hands.

There’s so many things you want to say to this man. What are you doing here? Are you alright ? Anything but - “it’s an old favorite of mine”

“Read it for me” he says blinking so fast to keep the tears at bay as he shuffles further up on your bed, head resting against the headboard and meeting your worried gaze “please” he says, voice slightly cracking. You heavy out a sigh, but shuffle closer to him before you start to read

Sometimes he’ll dare say what’s on his mind, when the two of you are outside of some pub close to base, and he’s propped against the wall with you next to him, speaking in a calm and composed voice about anything and everything that’s on his mind, allowing tears to trickle down his cheeks while smoking on his cigar

If you were to get into a fight with, it would eat at him for days, from the words he had said in a fit of anger to the way he acted, he would want to resolve it immediately or as soon as possible.

As soon as you open the door to your shared bedroom he’s hastily walking towards you, eyes red, hair a mess with apologies slipping past his lips.

“I am so sorry my love no let me apologize please-“

He probably has assigned days where the two of you go to the pub to watch a soccer game, as you get older you get to take the bike there and it’s plenty fun because you can get however drunk you want while taking the bicycle back home, bicycling on the countryside as day bleeds into night and the sky is a mix of yellow red and orange

If you were to pass away he wouldn’t date/ remarry. He'd rather visit your grave every day than start over with someone new.

[sunbeamah]

Would you consider the making a fic where the Kusozu Brothers react to Canon or meeting canon?

I'd just like to sincerely apologise for how long this took, I truly am so sorry. I started writing as soon as you sent this, and went through about seven drafts before I realised that I'm really not good enough to write ten characters meeting alternate versions of themselves-- so I hope you'll accept Sukuna's Exploits in Canon and the headcanons beneath the cut!

Choso

Choso hates almost everyone in canon.

He hates the coach from episode 1;

"Why is he, as a schoolteacher, blackmailing students, making bets with them and changing what club you signed up for??? CREEP!

Megumi,

"Why does he have to be in this?"

Sorcerers,

"EXECUTED?!"

Gojo,

"IN HIS BASEMENT??????"

Nobara,

"You're not an idiot, Otouto, don't listen to her."

Junpei,

"If he just listened to you (Yuuji) he wouldn't have traumatised you by dying!"

Todo,

Now at first he liked Todo. He knows that's Yuki's younger brother for one, and on top of that the first thing Todo does is try to beat Megumi half to death

"Omg I love that kid."

When Yuuji and Todo fight, things start to slip a bit..

"I like that kid way less now."

And when Todo calls Yuuji brother.......

"I hate that kid now. Who does he think he is? I'm your big brother. Not him. You already have Eso, why do you need another tall, tan, muscular brother??"

Yuuji: Well--

Sukuna: Well nothing, whip me out, I'll show him whose 'buraza' you are.

Choso likes Nanami though.

When his brothers are like "??? Just like that?" he goes:

"I liked it when he said that Yuuji's the child and he's the adult. It seems like, though he;s endeared by Yuuji, he still maintains and appropriate and professional distance with him. And he's protecting you two (Sukuna and Yuuji) while we're off doing whatever it is we're doing.

Which begs the question! What are they doing?

When the death paintings are introduced, Choso is excited! And then the fight happens. Way less excited.

If they were watching JJK as a tv show, this is where Choso stops watching. They can try to make him come back all they like, Choso is NOT standing for it. Even if they get him to watch s2, as soon as he sees Gojo he's leaving.

If they made him see himself... I think he'd break the TV as soon as he struck Yuuji for the first time

And if they showed him his final scene, I think he'd weep in relief. And be excited that Yuki rocked up!

Eso

For the whole of season one, he's waiting for his debut.

"This is so boring when do we show up?"

"Imagine if Yuuji left us back in Sendai."

"If I were there Junpei would've lived. Just saying."

"UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Bring me in I'll shut Sukuna up."

BUT! There are some highlights for him. Such as:

Nanami.

Eso, licking his lips: You reckon he's (Nanamin's) ever been outta the country?

Yuuji: Eso-nii you are NOT fucking my train bestie.

Eso: "I'll take you to Malaysia baby."

Megumi!

During the fight with Todo he's cheering him on hard out.

"Yeah get him Megumi!! Finish summoning whatever that is, I've been seeing it! Actually do it this time! 4th time's the charm! Beat his ass!!" (It's his Mahoraga fists)

Other than that, it's been a dull watch for him.

Until they appear!:

Eso: FINALLY!

Kechizu: it’s us!!!!!! Niichan why do you look like you haven’t slept in 100 years

Sukuna: Wdym, he looks the exact same

Yuuji: I hate to say it, Choso-nii, but… he’s right.

Choso: They’re not that bad.. (pulls out his phone to check)

Choso:

Choso: Oh. 

Eso: Hey wait, why are we asking why Niisan looks like that, when we should be asking..

Kechizu: Shut up

Eso: Why YOU look like THAT

Yuuji: Ooooo I love the body horror

Kechizu: !!? BODY HORROR! 

Sukuna: He looks cooler than you do.

Yuuji: I look the same though?

Sukuna: yeah exactly

And when the Yuuji and Nobara vs Eso and Kechizu fight starts:

Eso: Oooooooou we’re gonna fight, Yuu-chan! Money’s on me, this protag’s been winning too many fights lately

Kechizu: His friend literally just died. And Todo beat him up.

Eso: Still, in the end everything was fine. I’m sure once Yuuji uses his ‘I’m your brother’ cursed technique, we’ll stop fighting and everything will be A-OK!

Sukuna: Yuuji should use my power to put you down like the dog you are

Eso: Your reputation couldn’t handle how hard I’d whoop your ass

And when it ends:

Eso, mouth open, jaw dropped, flies coming out, pissed: It’s rigged. It’s rigged! I would 100% win a fight against Yuuji, and I’ll prove it right now

Unfortunately for him, by this point Yuuji is too busy being cradled by a wildly sobbing Choso.

He does NOT want to watch the show after he dies. But when he hears Gojo gets sealed and Choso's gonna show up, he makes a concession for those episodes.

Eso: Gayest death scene in the whole show, tops Junpei's by miles.

Yuuji: He's not even dead!!!!

Now he insists he won't watch till Choso's on, but when he sees Nanami's new look... Let's just say he's sat for Dull Knife.

Eso: Yuuji I love you. I love you so much. You're my babiest of brothers. I'll always love you. But for fucks sake you did NOT deserve to be the one to meet Nanami out of all of us!!!

Yuuji: ?! Kechizu did too?!

Eso: And I'm still pissed NEITHER of you introduced him to me. Like?????? Have you seen the man???????????????? When he gets back from Malaysia he'll literally be my ideal type. I hate you two.

Eso: --and so, not only would it be neglect, but it would also be legally wrong of you not to introduce him to me.

Yuuji: NO!

Eso: AND HIS NAME IS:::: ZENIN TOJIIII! (John Cena theme plays from his phone)

Yuuji: You HATED him! You hated him before this!

Eso: And now for the purposes of the show I love him! Uncle-in-law! 

Kechizu: Wow… I really should’ve remembered Nanami, huh? 

Yuuji: ENOUGH!

Sukuna: Brat, even you can admit he’s hot. Look how they drew him. It’s softcore porn, beatdown edition. 

Eso: Hey do you have his phone number?

Yuuji: NO!

Choso: Good. 

Eso: I’ll come with you to and from school next time. I should thank him.

Yuuji: BACK!!! OFF!!!

Kechizu: Yeah! Leave some for the rest of us! Yuuji and Choso: NO!

Kechizu: I thought you liked him, Oniichan!

Choso: Well yes, but… 

Sukuna: Don’t tell me your type is blonds…

Choso: I only like the one blonde…… Maybe a second one now, but–

Yuuji: CAN EVERYONE STOP HITTING ON NANAMIN?

And then Choso's episode!!:

Contrary to everyone else in the room, Eso's enjoying himself.

Eso: AND THEN HIT HIM WITH THE RIGHT HOOK! AND THEN SUPERNOVA HIM! AND THEN DIVERGENT FIST TO THE STOMACH! AND THEN SLICE HIM WITH A BLOOD BLADE! AND THEN--

By the middle-end area he quietens down out of respect for the... Mourners.

Choso, crying, can’t watch his fight scene: JUST REALISE!!! IT CAN’T BE THAT HARD!!! I HAVE A BLOOD TECHNIQUE!!!!!!!!

Sukuna: YUUJI! USE ME! WHIP! ME! OUT! YUUJI FOR FUCKS SAKES–! 

Kechizu: DON’T HIT HIM HE’S JUST A BABY!!!!!! YOUR BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eso, visibly disturbed: I think you should all step out for a minute...

As soon as he gets the sense that Nanami's about to die, he leaves.

Eso: I'm not watching that shit! Call me when Niisan gets back.

Kechizu

tries to cover the twins' eyes when there's violence

it doesn't work because, in the beginning, show!Sukuna IS the violence

Very vocally dislikes Gojo, always takes an issue with whatever he has to say or do.

Kechizu: 'ten seconds' what a creep. Sukuna'll teach him a lesson when he gets all his fingers back.

Kechizu: Executed??? What a pushover! If he's so powerful he should just kill the higher ups.

As soon as Kamo Noritoshi's name is said during the sexchange event arc, Kechizu is piping up

Kechizu: DAD???????

He's 100% convinced their father has been deaged and put into the Kyoto school

Cries when Eso dies, but is willing to watch the rest of the show because Yuuji and Sukuna are in it!

(lives to regret that^)

Interestingly enough, though, he enjoys the hidden inventory arc

cheers when Toji sells Megumi and kills Gojo, but when Kusozu Sukuna defends Geto, suddenly he has an issue with mr Fushiguro and 'see, Yuuji, this is why you need to break up with that boy'

when Sukuna starts killing people in Shibuya (indirectly after the first few kills since he's fighting Jogo), Kechizu spends 90% of the episode defending him

Kechizu: they should've just moved if they didn't want to get exterminated! What's stopping them?!

Sukuna: I'm saying!

Yuuji: THE BARRIER!

Chokes on his snacks when he sees the flashback to Kamo Noritoshi, points at the screen wildly and concocts the most batshit insane theory that Choso and Eso (who are no longer watching at this point) believe wholeheartedly

Kechizu: So you see, Dad must have a duplicate technique that requires a brainswap, and he's clearly split his consciousness between Kemo Noritoshi and Geto's body, and so he was the real mole this whole time. Ignore that puppet kid in the bath, he's a decoy.

Choso: I see

Eso: It's all coming together

Yuuji: ?????????????

Sukuna, lying: You're so right. I see it now. Are you sure you didn't write the show yourself, Keke Akusotami?

When Yuki pulls up he's the only brother other than Choso that's happy to see her

Kechizu: OH THANK FUCK! GET THEM YUKI!!!!!!!

Sukuna

Endlessly entertained by himself at first

His favourite line is Show!Sukuna's very first words: "WHERE ARE THE WOMEN? THE CHILDREN?!"

It took him 15 minutes to stop laughing and another 10 to actually process what else was going on in the show

During the prison episode he's still kind of amused when Show!Kuna just straight up kills Yuuji. The only things that irk him are:

Sukuna: I don't like how I'm lookin at Fushiguro right now.

Sukuna: 'show me something special' he doesn't have anything special

Sukuna: Why couldn't I have killed all three of them??

Doesn't like Nanami. He doesn't hate him or anything, he just has no interest in him.

(Secretly, he's been holding a grudge ever since Nanami said he didn't acknowledge Yuuji as a sorcerer)

When Junpei dies, Sukuna feels kind of bad, but only because Kusozu Yuuji is crying so hard

Sukuna: I wouldn’t laugh like that if he died. Not in front of you. Probably in private. Maybe at the funeral. If you ran off crying. Or if you didn’t then I’d do it silently. This is just overkill, really. Ha, overkill. Get it? Cause he got killed… Over top of you. But yeah I wouldn’t laugh in your face, that's crazy. Like you are now. Cause your friend’s de–

Eso: Bro..

Kechizu: Sukuna-kun I think you made your point!!

After that he's less eager to see himself.

But he still insists Yuuji "whip him out" every time there's trouble. Like when he's being bullied by the Tokyo school for coming back from the dead; fighting Todo, Hanami, making eye contact with Gojo-- all worthy of the wrath of the king of curses

When the death painting arc starts::

Eso: Oooooooou we’re gonna fight, Yuu-chan! Money’s on me, this protag’s been winning too many fights lately

Kechizu: His friend literally just died. And Todo beat him up.

Eso: Still, in the end everything was fine. I’m sure once Yuuji uses his ‘I’m your brother’ cursed technique, we’ll stop fighting and everything will be A-OK!

Sukuna: Yuuji should use my cursed technique to put you down like the dog you are

Eso: Your reputation couldn’t handle how hard I’d whoop your ass

But by the time the arc is ending, Sukuna is getting a liiiiitle, small, tiny, teensy bit sad. Mostly because Kechizu is bawling his eyes out.

Sticks around for the next arc! All the Kusozu brothers leave after the first five minutes, unwilling to watch anymore, leaving only Sukuna and Yuuji. But first::

Choso: Why do we have to see this irrelevant’s lifestory? (Gojo’s)

Eso: This perv again..

Kechizu: I hope his boyfriend dies. 

Sukuna: That’s dark. Not me. That’s sensei right there. I hope his girl friend dies. 

Yuuji: She doesn’t die you idiot she’s literally in season 1

Sukuna: And season 1 comes before season 2, I’m not the idiot here. 

Yuuji:

Hidden Inventory becomes Sukuna's favourite arc pretty quickly! It only loses its spot when Megumi appears at the end

Eso: GET HIM TOJI!!! YES!!!!!!!

Yuuji: You guys are just doing it to irritate me at this point, ‘cause there’s no way you hate him this much

Kechizu: HE DID IT!!!! HE KILLED HIM!!!!!!

Yuuji: You know he comes back, right??

Sukuna: SHUT UP BUZZKILL WE’RE TRYING TO SAVOUR THE MOMENT!

Yuuji: Choso-nii why are you pausing…

Choso: (takes a picture of Gojo’s ‘dead’ body)

Yuuji:

Hates the filler ep, wants to get back to the killing people part, that was his favourite

He's excited for the Shibuya incident, so much so that he almost doesn't notice he hasn't spoken a single word all season

He's hurling abuse at the TV during the choso vs yuuji ep, but then again he's hurling abuse at the TV no matter what episode is playing

He's convinced that if Show!Yuuji just gives him control, everything will be fine!

(He's wrong. He's so deeply wrong.)

Has the time of his life during the Sukuna takeover eps

Actually giggled (half of it was out of shock!) when Nanako and Mimiko got killed (HE WOULD! I'M SORRY BUT HE WOULD!!

Does a victory lap around the room during the Jogo fight

Sukuna: GET HIM! SLICE HIM AGAIN! FUCK THE DOCOMO TOWER! FUCK THOSE CARS! THAT'S WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT!!!!!! NOW HIT HIM WITH THE-- what the fuck-- WHAT THE FUCK! FUUGA?!?!?! FUUGA!!!!!!!!

Sukuna: Why am I saving Fushiguro again? He's the one who decided to kill himself, how is that my problem??

He only calms down a bit once Show!Yuuji comes back and has a breakdown.

Pretends to be totally unaffected but secretly presses his knee to Yuuji's

Sukuna: all that and I still didn't get Kenjaku? Really?

Yuuji: Who's Kenjaku???

Sukuna, who got bored after his eps and looked up spoilers to pass the time: ...........

[vendetta-if]

Please don’t take this the wrong way, because I still think you’re writing is incredible and I look forward to every update, but am I the only one who finds Takeshi incredibly weird? Like he’s got a wife and 3 kids and yet he’s still pining over my dad who’s been dead for years now. It’s time to move on dude, come on.

If he was younger and single then I’d understand, but the way it comes off, to me at least, is pretty emotionally unfaithful. It reads like Takeshi views Viktor as “the one who got away” which is kind of a shitty attitude to have when you’re married with kids. We haven’t even met Rins mom yet and I already feel bad for her lol, this whole situation is uncomfortable.

Anyways, sorry for my rambling and if you got offended I really do apologize, I wasn’t trying to be mean. Good luck on your future writing!

I appreciate you being polite when writing this and don’t worry, I’m not offended 😁 I have talked a little bit more about him and his feelings for Viktor and about his marriage with Azami in other asks, but I realize that some of them, I answered like in the early days of this blog being up (boy, time sure does fly because it feels like yesterday to me 😭) and not everyone will have read all of the related asks.

So, everything is a lil bit more complicated for Takashi than what it might seem like on the surface, and of course, I can’t really put all of this history and backstory in the main story because it’s not focused on Takashi, or Rin, or the Aikawa, and thus, I understand why some people end up seeing Takashi in a worse light. This is, of course, not to say that he is perfect. I feel like no one in my story is perfect, even Viktor himself, and I like to keep it that way. But I hope my long-winded explanation in this post will help you get a clearer picture on Takashi and his complicated love life 😭.

And right now in the story, I’ll say that he has actually moved on from Viktor. Sure he still remembers and mourns him around the anniversary of his death, and talking about Viktor (and Yvette) is still a sore spot for him, but as they say, you don’t really forget your first love. Also, he has fixed his relationship with Azami (thus their decision to have the twins) by the time of the main story and they’re at their best right now and I’ll explain more in details below the cut.

I’ll put it under the cut because it’s going to be a long one as I try to summarize Takashi’s and Azami’s history together and some additional lore stuff for those who are interested.

For starter, his marriage to Azami was an arranged one that both of them didn’t really have any say in it and it doesn’t help that both of them didn’t even have time to properly get to know each other by the time they got married. They were also pretty young (around early to mid 20s perhaps? I don’t have my notes open right now).

It was a… politically strategic wedding that Takashi’s father and Azami’s maternal grandfather arranged.

And additional info since I don’t think I have mentioned this anywhere actually, but Azami’s maternal side of family is a Yakuza clan/family back in Japan and by establishing some kind of family relationship with the Aikawas—who focuses their businesses in the US—they hope to keep the door open for possibilities of expanding their own business abroad in the US through the Aikawas. They haven’t really done that, but it’s nice to already have and secure the connection. And vice versa for the Aikawas if they wanna do some business in Japan.

It doesn’t help that Viktor was literally Takashi’s first love and that they’ve known each other since they were kids. So, by the time of his marriage, Takashi didn’t really have enough time to kind of, let go or grow out of his feelings for his first love and he was basically getting married to a stranger.

But to think that this means that he automatically becomes an emotionally distant husband and father is wrong. He spent time talking and hanging out with Azami (mostly initiating them first because Azami is the more introverted and reserved one in their relationship), trying to build a relationship—that should’ve been built naturally in normal marriages—with his wife. It did end up being more like a platonic relationship at first than a romantic one, but still, Azami appreciated that.

He’s also a good, caring, and warm dad for Rin and he did take care of Rin as much as Azami did. I’ve said this before in another ask, but when she got married to what is basically a stranger, Azami expected the worse and Takashi was a very pleasant surprise for her.

I think along the way, Azami fell in love with him for real first, but the fact that Takashi still saw her more of a platonic partner and still had romantic feelings for Viktor at the time… It did put a strain on their marriage.

But both of them didn’t really give up on their marriage and even though it took years, they slowly work on their relationship. It was not an instant progress but over time, Takashi ends up falling in love with Azami as well and that’s also the reason why they had the twins like more than a decade after they had Rin (The twins are still very young in the story right now).

Rin was born because of both of their families’ pressure and expectation, but having the twins is the decision that Takashi and Azami made themselves out of love.

While his feelings for Viktor is still there somewhere in the background, it’s waay weaker and fainter than when he was younger. Right now in the story, I would say he has moved on, although he still remembers his first love occasionally, especially around the time of his death. After all, they say that you can’t really forget your first love.

But yeah, in the story currently, his relationship with his wife is at its best and he’s living happily with his family.

And while a part of his motivation to get Rin to marry MC is in part to kind of fulfilling an impossible dream of his, it is also just for… practical reasons. The fact is that the Aikawas have a little bit more to gain by tying the Morozovs in an alliance based on blood ties than the Morozovs do. The Morozovs have the stronger manpower and raw force/strength and nowadays, they have decent connections too.

I mentioned this before in the past ask about the two families’ history, but their alliance started out because the Aikawas were having a pretty rough time protecting their turf from the other criminal groups and families back in New York. They mostly have power by accumulating and brokering information and connections, but they’re a bit lacking in like raw force and power, and that’s where Grandpa Morozov saw the opportunity for alliance and went to talk with Takashi’s father. And the rest we know how it plays out.

So, yeah… I think that’s all I have to say in this post and I’ll definitely be referring to this post again if I ever get similar asks. I don’t know whether it helps you understand Takashi a little bit more or not, but I do hope it’s not as black and white as it once was 😅

[iwannakisskissyoureyesagain]

🩷 ✨ aphrodite cabin headcanons 🪩 💌

aphrodite cabin headcanons bc the way rick wrote them was fucked up. let them be silly and hyperfemme and girlypop i am begging you.

they have a billion playlists for different occasions (getting ready in the morning, arts and crafts, capture the flag, etc.) that they share with the apollo cabin.

to clarify, they are not allowed to use the capture the flag playlist anymore because they are permanently banned from playing after a hermes kid almost lost an arm.

the clothes in the camp store are ugly as hell so they convinced chiron to let them set up racks of clothes they don’t wear or just bought specifically for the store, of course with low prices because everyone should be able to look hot. there are crop tops, bandeau tops, all different length skirts, rompers, and even cute shoes. the aesthetics range from y2k to hippie to coquette to fairy grunge to mermaidcore to goth, with sizes ranging from 3XS to 5XL.

they have huge storage units of makeup and hair stuff that they gladly lend out to other campers. they even have dye and bleach from arctic fox and salon-grade brands. don’t worry about how they got it.

they regularly have movie nights using a projector with blankets, popcorn, and cuddle piles. their favorites to watch are mean girls, legally blonde, clueless, jennifer’s body (a halloween tradition), enchanted, the house bunny, but i’m a cheerleader, tangled, mama mia, the sisterhood of the traveling pants, and all three high school musicals (they know all the songs by heart, ofc).

the whole “nico was the first person who ever came out at camp” thing is literally the dumbest thing i’ve ever read, so that’s just not true and the aphrodite cabin has organized every pride event at camp for years now. no one knows how they do it or where they get all that glitter, and no one is brave enough to ask.

you need love advice? you’re questioning your sexuality and need to talk to someone about it? you need a girltalk session and some hypewomen? you need to make sure the harpies don’t get you when you and your partner sneak out to a secluded spot on the beach? they got u, babes, don’t even worry about it.

they all have perfumes and colognes customized to their signature scents.

their support for the trans community could rival the dionysus cabin. also they worship dylan mulvaney like the goddess she is because i worship her like the goddess she is, and i make the rules.

no one has better halloween costumes than then. no one. if you look as good as them, it’s because you borrowed supplies from them.

insanely good matchmakers.

when one of them is sad, they all stop everything they’re doing until their sibling feels better. that means skincare, hair-braiding trains, manicures while watching barbie movies, and those frosted sugar cookies. no, they will not, under any circumstances, participate in camp activities until they’re sure their sibling is okay.

their favorite show is sex education. when they watch it, they send the younger campers into the big house with a hephaestus-cabin-engineered ipad to watch monster high and ever after high until they’re done. dionysus does not approve of having to babysit, but after he went to chew out the rest of the cabin and found them in tears with mascara trails because they got to season 2, he stopped interfering.

drew and will got the two cabins together to bribe and beg chiron for eras tour tickets. it did not work (much to nico’s delight, who would’ve been persuaded into going by his boyfriend). in retaliation, they put pink hair dye in his shampoo, and the apollo cabin cursed him to randomly sing what he says with no warning. dionysus has never been so entertained.

they have no tolerance for pick-me girls or slut-shaming.

piper apologized to drew once she matured and started dating shel.

they all have phones that they hide from everyone else, complete with protection spells from the hecate cabin. they all have a family group chat and facetime basically every day when summer ends. shel and valentina are best friends now.

being the only boy, mitchell used to get bullied a lot by insecure middle school ares boys. that is, until his sisters caught wind and gave them hell. now, no one messes with mitchell, and especially not with his sisters.

they absolutely lose their shit when they realize some of the younger campers are too young to know one direction.

they’re closer to the apollo kids (and nico) than any other cabin.

they have a bookshelf full of nothing but romance. red, white, and royal blue, the falling on love montage, pride and prejudice, cemetery boys, the seven husbands of evelyn hugo, like a love story, heartstopper, the list goes on and on (no colleen hoover, though, yuck).

their acrylics and press-ons are deadly.

they have bunk beds, but more often than not you’ll find them sharing beds like they’re at a sleepover.

the cabin is extremely maximalist, with little disco balls, pink and lavender everywhere, fake flowers, and full-length mirrors because no, they’re not sharing.

because their mom is the goddess of love, they all identify as either bi, pan, queer, or don’t use labels. they just love love.

they all have matching “free britney” crop tops.

[cellarspider]

5/30 The pseudohistory of Prometheus

(Previous) | (Index) | (Next)

⛬

We return to a movie I wish to send on a journey down the Kola Superdeep Borehole, Prometheus.

And my insanity truly begins in this segment. We are only 1/10th of the way through the movie so far. Content warnings for discussion of racism in pseudoscience and historical anthropology, Spider getting hung up on logistics and space nerd stuff, and pictures of Yuri Knorozov, the most sour-faced man to ever live.

The cast sits down for a briefing. This is a scene with an easily identifiable narrative function: providing exposition to the theater audience. The act of doing a briefing makes sense. It is the last thing here that will.

We are introduced to a hologram of Peter Weyland, the financier of the expedition. The name means all sorts of Lore to the series, but what’s intensely distracting is that we seem to have caught Weyland halfway through applying his zombie makeup.

Weyland is played by Guy Pierce. As of the filming of this movie, he was somewhere around 45 years old. Yes, they smothered this Australian in old man drag so that he could play this character. This is a baffling decision, that only gets slightly less baffling if you know the production history of the movie, which I did not at the time.

Guy Pierce was hired to play a younger Peter Weyland. There’s a promo video out there of him giving a fictional TED Talk in the not-to-distant future of next Sunday AD 2023, there were various plans for him to appear in the movie proper. None of those scenes are actually in the movie. They refused to double-cast the role for some reason. While the practical effects in the movie are generally excellent and it does make the tiniest smidge of sense that a hypercapitalist asshole would be portrayed as a literal rubber-faced movie monster, this, like many things in Prometheus, made the movie a very weird sit. One where I was increasingly less open to going along with the movie’s fiction. You are telling me that this is an actual human man. I am not buying it. He looks far less human than David, the only non-human there.

Speaking of David, Weyland calls him “the closest thing to a son I will ever have”, and then immediately says David is an inhuman lesser being, who does not appreciate the specialness of his existence because he does not have a soul.

Which is funny, because I think you can see David’s soul leaving his body at this exact moment.

Weyland then tries to mash in some existential weight to the movie: they might finally get an answer for “why are we here?” and all that jazz! He also tries to explain why naming a ship Prometheus is totally not like calling it Titanic II: Don’t think about the part of the myth where Prometheus is chained to a rock and has his ever-regenerating liver eaten by an eagle every day! Think about the bit where he brought fire to mankind! We’re gonna bring back that bit!

And then the archaeologists take over the briefing, and this, THIS, is the bit where they entirely lost me. My suspension of disbelief had already been strained by multiple oddities up to this point. My skepticism about these characters in particular was already a bit elevated by their implied invocation of the ancient astronauts concept.

Turns out, only Vickers, Shaw, and Holloway know why they’re here. 

Two years away from Earth. On a massively expensive expedition that intends to make first contact with an alien culture, the first alien culture that humankind has ever found evidence of. Nobody has been briefed up until this point.

This is lunacy.

Explanations have been figured out by fans since then: this is a passion project by Weyland, an annoyance to the rest of the corporate structure that nobody else believes in. The movie eventually intimates this, through Vickers. 

Fans have thus speculated that Weyland was just quarantined off to do his little alien hunt, with no logistical support that would make it actually functional. He believed a crazy theory put forward by Shaw and Holloway, and everyone else wasn’t actually best-of-the-best, they were just whoever would take a big paycheck to do fuck-all for nearly five years of sleeping their way to and from their destination.

I am willing to consider that this was intentional. The movie possibly tries to confirm this with Mr. “I’m here for the money” Fifield, but none of the other characters have enough characterization to determine if this is the general trend.

How could we make a story that more clearly spells this out? Maybe Millburn the biologist could encounter more of the crew talking about the payout from taking the job, or reveal that he himself has some project he needs money for. It would also chip away at the dearth of character-building dialog for most of the cast.

As a result of those deficiencies in characterization, a lot of my discussion of plot points is going to be focused around what they do, rather than why. …Except when it is about the why, at which point the main commentary will be “WHY.”

In any case: while it makes sense, I'm still not certain the film meant for this character motivation. Prometheus is just so loudly explicit with so many of its plot points that it doesn’t seem like this is the case. The movie certainly believes in the sincerity and correctness of the archaeologists, though.

Unfortunately, it also immediately tells me that they’re a couple of wingnuts. I’m not sure if it intends to, for reasons I’ll get into after I foam at the mouth for a little while.

They present a series of artifacts to the crew: Egyptian, Mayan, Akkadian, Sumerian, Hittite, Hawaiian, and their Scottish cave painting. All of them feature “men worshiping giant beings”, who are pointing to what stargazer nerds call an asterism: a pattern of stars. Shaw and Holloway believe that these are aliens that engineered humans into their current state. Shaw literally says “it’s what I choose to believe” as the entirety of their justification for this.

Again: I knew the movie wanted me to take this as truth, within its universe. That’s the implicit deal the movie has made with the audience, this is truth. You are supposed to be contemplating the "whys" of it all. But the movie had also smacked me in the brain so many times in the past five minutes, that I, like Millburn the Biologist, was ready to call bullshit.

I appreciate him for doing so, and it shows he could have been a smart character, but sadly, he is in Prometheus.

Because he is a fictional biologist and I am an actual biologist, I will expand on his argument, as I descend into ranting for the rest of the post.

Millburn objects on the basis of evolutionary history, which the movie only partially succeeds in papering over: the implication is that evolution on Earth was directed with the deterministic outcome of creating something like humans.

This opens up a whole new can of worms that the movie doesn’t get into–when exactly did this engineering start? When great apes evolved? When mammals did? Tetrapods? Skeletons? DNA itself? After all, we know the aliens, now dubbed Engineers by the archaeologists, have DNA. Did they seed all life on Earth? How did they evolve? Our last universal common ancestor is believed to have already been using DNA 3-4 billion years ago, evolving out of a likely RNA-based genetic standard. Hominins diverged from other apes around 15-25 million years ago. What sort of culture would undertake a project that required at least 15 million years on the extreme low end?

All excellent questions! The movie is not concerned with them. I am, and that is part of why this movie still lives in a special, awful place in my head.

This isn’t actually what made me become actively hostile toward the archaeologists, though. What managed that, well! It was their archaeology. Anybody who had an Ancient Egypt Phase in their childhood should be able to articulate multiple reasons why the academic community would’ve laughed these guys out of the building.

Bigness in ancient egyptian art does not indicate literal size. It indicates importance. In fact, the artifacts the movie uses exclusively come from artistic traditions which feature hierarchical or non-literal scale. Do the Engineers turn out to actually be eight feet tall? Yes! Am I still annoyed by this? ABSOLUTELY.

You know what else is a big problem? Many of the cultures they reference here had written language! A LOT of written language! They include Egyptian, Sumerian, Babylonian, and Mayan art in their evidence, all of which not only wrote a LOT of things down, but had a habit of annotating a lot of their art with labels to tell you what was going on! You can actually see some on the props they used in this scene!

Beyond that, they had very prescribed formal styles, where you can follow the action entirely through gestures, held objects, attendant symbols, and clothing! If all these cultures, as implied, had actual, direct contact with aliens, recorded in the art presented here, we would know what they were told.

Skipping ahead of the movie for a minute: the Engineers were apparently not telling humans “we’re here in these stars, come find us��, they were telling humans “settle the fuck down or this is where the hurt’s going to come from”. 

Here's the thing. Ancient peoples weren't stupid. They wouldn't just not talk about this. If giant aliens came down from the sky and gave them a stern talking-to that contradicted their religion, that would be a big deal. And these characters specifically say the Engineers are being "worshiped" in these images! They're apparently taking onboard what's being said!

It is certainly possible for information to be lost. Over long time scales, that's unfortunately the rule, rather than the exception. But again: half the artifacts have writing on them!

I chose to believe that Shaw and Holloway simply did not attempt to read any available translations of attendant texts, and they were thus cursed for their foolishness by the ghosts of Mayan Studies pioneer Yuri Knorozov and Egyptologist Jean-François Champollion, and the still-extant spirit of Assyriologist Irving Finkel.

Knorozov knows your sins against Mayan Studies. Knorozov is a vengeful god. Chapollion and Finkel are likewise very cross.

Two last things stood out to me in the theater. One of them was extremely petty but tied into some very serious issues with pseudoscience, and the other one was not.

Pettiness first: the asterism shown in the artifacts is a pattern of six stars. The movie wants you to believe that it is very spooky that the only asterism that precisely matches this pattern are six stars that are too faint to see with the naked eye. This is laughable, both because the asterism is so generic-looking that I can think of several very visible asterisms that are good matches for the pattern, but it also recapitulates a bunch of really fucking annoying stuff from pseudoscientific bullshit. 

First: Pseudoscience and pseudohistory likes to make a big deal out of the fact that every culture has stories about the stars. Why? 

The sky is very important to every culture’s mythology, because every culture can see the sky. Like, that’s literally it. People can see the sky. They tell stories about it. There’s not much to do at night except look at the sky, when even keeping a fire lit can be an expensive prospect. It is not even the least bit weird when multiple cultures–all of them in the northern hemisphere in this case!–have stories about the same stars.

Second: Cultures vary in their ability to faithfully reproduce celestial landmarks in art and align their architecture is variable, and not as exact as modern techniques can manage. Pseudoscience will claim that they are exact, when it fits their pre-existing theory, or fudge the difference if they want something to fit their claims.

(This is a photoshopped image, by the way.)

Were the stone age temples of Malta secretly aligned with a particular star that foretold the doom of Atlantis, precisely tracking its location through the sky over thousands of years of Earth’s axial wobbling? No! They were roughly aligned with the sun. Sunlight is important when you don’t have electric lights. Were the Great Pyramids of Giza laid out ten thousand years ago to match the layout of the stars in Orion’s Belt, according to the designs of a legendary lost race of highly advanced non-African people? Were they tapping into the Earth’s magnetic field to generate energy? No! They were aligned with the cardinal directions, and they got them a bit wrong! 

Hell, if we want to play at that game, I found a decent match for the asterism in Stellarium's Egyptian constellation set. Just flip this 90 degrees clockwise and you'll see I'm totally right. Aliens confirmed.

I know the movie is trying to tell me that all the asterisms in the art are precise matches for each other and are thus impossible to explain without intercultural contact (or aliens!!), but it is also showing me that they are not that precise. So, it’s just showing me stars. At least in some of them. Their little charcoal lad from the Isle of Skye may be throwing fruit at his audience.

In fact, there's a further, probably unintentional link to pseudohistorical claims in the artifacts presented: the Maya artifact shown does not actually depict a "giant figure" being worshiped, in fact, it shows one instantly recognizable, known figure in Classical Maya history: It is an altered version of the ornately carved coffin lid of Kʼinich Janaab Pakal I (24 March 603 - 29 August 683), with the top quarter of the carving replaced with a star pattern that looks nothing like the ones on the other artifacts.

The carving shows Pakal in the pose of an infant, entering into death and being reborn. It is packed full of so many symbolic elements that can be easily recognized by those more familiar with the Classical Maya than I am.

Conspiracy theorist Erich von Däniken thought that it showed Pakal rocketing away on a spaceship. Däniken proposed this because he didn't understand the cultural symbolism, but he had seen pictures of astronauts before.

And on that note, 2,400 words into this rant, we get to the actually bad shit. Unfortunately, it ties into the issue I had with the premise to begin with: the real-world context of pseudoscientific claims of ancient alien contact. Specifically, the racism.

We’re going to unspool this more near the end of the movie, because there was further behind the scenes I was not aware of when I first saw Prometheus, and it just compounds this stuff. 

So, when I went on my first tangent on how unpleasant ancient alien theories are, one thing I highlighted is that the further from Western Civilization you get, the more these theories presuppose that fellow humans are incapable of building great works or imagining interesting things. No, they had to be guided, and explicitly shown things that they copied down to the best of their limited capability.

The only european example of alien contact they show is from the Upper Paleolithic, 37,000 years ago. All the examples around the Mediterranean and Mesopotamia range from 5,500-3,700 years ago. The examples from the Classical Maya and Hawaiʻi are from 620 and 680 CE. 

During this period, Tang Dynasty merchants were creating the first paper money as the famous female emperor Wu Zetian was on her way to the throne. The Prophet Muhammad went to al-Aqsa mosque, and we’re only eight years before the birth of Charlemagne’s grandfather. We’re no longer talking ancient, it’s just old.

I want to emphasize that the movie is presenting these not as depictions of myths that have been passed down–though there are more problems with that I’ll get into shortly–these are implied to be contemporary depictions of events witnessed by the artists, who were quite possibly instructed by the Engineers to record a precise pattern of stars. An equivalency is being drawn between stone age Europe, bronze age Africa and the Middle East, and a couple of startlingly recent Mesoamerican and Polynesian cultures. 

But let’s be generous. Maybe these aren’t supposed to be contemporary accounts in these two outlier cases: the movie’s script will certainly indicate later that they have no idea what they’ve implied here. Perhaps these are story traditions that were handed down from the Olmecs and Melanesian precursors of the first to sail to Hawaiʻi. 

Unfortunately, this just recapitulates a different racist trope: that European and more “developed” civilizations invented so much cool and comfortable material culture and philosophy that they forgot the Mystical Religious Truths of the old ways, which were preserved only in Primitive Lands and among Uneducated Peoples, where they never found anything better to do with their time. Oh, if only we had heeded the warnings from those spiritually attuned non-white people!

(Look, I only remember Devil (2010), which has 50% on Rotten Tomatoes, because M Night Shyamalan wrote and produced it, and this was two years after The Happening came out, so I watched it out of morbid curiosity. It's not as unbelievably bad as The Happening, but as shown in the clip above, the spiritually attuned latino security guard Ramirez attributes toast landing jelly side down to Satan. That is an actual thing that happens in the movie. He is proven right.)

But let's be even more generous: someone probably realized that they'd focused near-exclusively on Middle Eastern cultures, and wanted to throw in a couple from elsewhere. Sitting here, having seen the movie in full, this is the most likely option: their inclusion creates a contradiction with a later scene, and was thus probably not checked for consistency. These cultures were thrown in as a bit of background flavor. I list this last, because in the theater, there was no way to know this at the time.

That answer's still not great. Still leaves us in the same position, where Europeans are pretty much given their own agency, while other cultures need to be led.

Oh, and to anyone else who’s made it this far and knows the production history of Prometheus: don’t worry! I know what Ridley Scott told that one interviewer, about a contact between a less-ancient European power and the Engineers. I’m saving that one. I like to save that one, because strategic deployment of that quote made some of my IRL friends scream.

Next time: the Prometheus descends to an alien world, and I descend further into madness. I am going to drag you all down with me.

(Pictured: Yuri Knorozov, and my present mood.)

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Citations for alt text ramblings:

https://www.almendron.com/artehistoria/arte/culturas/egyptian-art-in-age-of-the-pyramids/catalogue-fourth-dynasty/

[moonysfavoritetoast]

Introduction !!

im so sorry to the people who aren’t used to my antics

sorry if this is rude, but please stop sending the gofundme asks. they’re overwhelming me, and i put off answering them until i feel shitty about not answering.

last updated 9/8/24*

*month/day/year

about me

hi i’m evan or cosmo :) i love love LOVE nicknames! as long as they aren’t sexual or directly calling me a girl, i don’t mind! *

i’m a MINOR in eighth grade, don’t be a creep. im a MINOR.

i use he/they/it pronouns

i’m transmasc, non-binary, bisexual & aceflux (i also use achillean and demi-boy as labels!)

* i especially love the nickname ‘ev’, as my sister had it first and my family will not call me that. i don’t want to be sexualized, it makes me uncomfortable. i am a boy, and i don’t want to be called a girl. eg; ‘good girl’ ‘my girl’ ‘girlfriend’. as for sexual stuff, i mean LITERALLY any nickname said with sexual undertones. i don’t mind being called a good boy, but the moment it’s said with anything sexual you might be blocked. for that reason, please use tone tags, as i am pretty bad at figuring out what some things mean at times.

rambling

FREE PALESTINE

PFP WAS DRAWN BY MY LOVELY WIFE @meerealsssss

currently matching pfps with @meerealsssss

first post limit 3/12/24

expect vent posts from time to time

also also currently going batshit crazy over fallout (honorable mentions are gravity falls, ghost, and sally face !)

i complain a lot, sorry

will x isaac

deer :3 and and german shepherds :3

jizz pants (will anf dom know what this means)

watch just add magic, do it please /nf

i love love love minecraft diaries (aphmau) gagagag lawrence and aaron are my fave characters (please talk to me about aphmau i swear i’m not cringe)

nico <3

starr <3

alex <3

ace <3

mee <3

my wife is @meerealsssss

my wife is @homoashell

my wife is @catinasink

my wife is dominic

my wife is also undyne

my wife is also mrs claus

my wife is trashcan carla

my husband is @aceiined / @muthafuckinaro

my husband is @homoashell

my husband is @catinasink

my husband is @the-rizzly-bear

my husband is the man in the yellow hat

my husband is terzo. i will not be taking criticism at this time.

my husband is also rick sanchez

my husband is also jazon broadly

my husband is also izerah (fuck you what is his last name, mee?)

pac-man is also my husband

my husband is alastor (hazbin hotel)

lucifer is my husband (hazbin hotel)

my husband is rj maccready:3

my husband is john hancock (the gay one)

my husband is the ghoul (on my knees for that cowboy ass mf)

my husband is ford pines

lord farquaad is my husband

my husband is jeremy fragrance

my husband is prae jack ;3

my partner is @alex-the-bard <3 <3 <3

my partner is @homoashell <3

my partner is @catinasink <3

likes/dislikes

like: music, tv, friends, my cat, cool socks, writing, rick sanchez, genloss, tadc, musicals/theatre, undertale/deltarune, ducks, omori

dislike: loud noises, silence, school

i’m currently obsessed with: ghost, dreamscape nexus, rick and morty, gravity falls, etc

i post about:

• marauders

• (mostly) random thoughts

• dreamscape nexus

• other random things

• rick and morty

• gravity falls

• percy jackson

• undertale/deltarune

• hazbin hotel

• helluva boss

• fallout

• omori

• sally face

• ghost

• mad max

family/pets

i have a younger sister, evie

i have a cat named daniel tiger

i have two dogs, gunner and roxie

timezone

EST

if you’re interacting with me past midnight, i’ll probably be a bit sillier than normal

DNI

maps/pedophiles, z00philes, bigots, ED and porn blogs

if you have ‘mdni’ in ur bio

simon cowell

donald trump

neo-nazis

if you don’t like furries and therians please get the fuck away from my blog

and if you shit on other’s religions, get away

what can you call me?

no: feminine related terms (unless you’re using them in a gender neutral way or as a joke) like girl, sister, wife, etc (bbg is always ok)

yes: boy, guy, partner, husband, dude, man (basically anything masculine/gender neutral)

sideblogs

@ricksanchezsboyfriend is my rick and morty sideblog

@mountainsmissingshoes is my ghost sideblog

@alastorsbigdick is my hazbin hotel rp sideblog (matching ace)

@giddingstexasenthusiast is my southern mom rp blog

@cryingunderstars is my writing sideblog

i am also @hadesfavoritechild

i run @rosie-rosier as well (marauders rp blog)

@scandalous-triangle and @myst3rytw1n are my gravity falls rp blogs (dm to join?)

extra info

birthday is august 7 :3

tone tags appreciated

i’m some flavor of neurodivergent (except i’m not diagnosed (parents r more worried about my sister) soz)

i play trumpet + i want to learn electric guitar or drums

i’m a gryffindor

child of hades

my favorite band is ghost

i speak english and i am currently learning french (might learn swedish)

satanist

feminist

alterhuman

fictionkin

theatre kid (crew) currently doing little shop of horrors

my fav number is 173

i write

i live in my own head. sorry.

i live in michigan and i guess this is shameful (shrimp bullies me for it)

i kin dipper pines

i have another sideblog. if you find it, idk i’ll give you chocolate or something (it’s embarrassing)

fuck wilbur soot. if i post about lovejoy, please know that i do not support him.

ask me about ghost (band) i have an oc and want to talk about them

send anon asks

tags!

• screenshots of dm’s/discord/texts: #evan leaks their texts

• lyrics: #evan screams lyrics at you

• my asks: #evan gets an ask *gasp*

• anything related to my book w/ @meerealsssss: #brokenly beloved

• anything related to moonlex (@alexthescaredenby and i’s ship name): #moonlex tag

• dreamscape nexus: #dreamscape nexus / #dn

• bracelets i make: #evan’s bracelets

• ace’s shit quotes: #ace needs to shit

• me talking about the man in the yellow hat: #tevan tag

• pictures of me: #literally evan

• me screaming about something: #on todays episode of evan is slowly going insane

• certain anon who signs off with a ☀️: #☀️ anon

• shit about omori: #evan plays omori

• shit about sally face: #evan plays sally face

• reblogging mutual’s art: #REBLOG (mutuals art)

• stuff that i post at theatre: #theatre shenanigans

• everything else: #evan's rambles

people i talk about

my teachers :3

• mr sharpie/mr shark is my band teacher (he/him)

• madam eddinger is my french teacher

• mr crowner is my science teacher

• mrs bryant is my math teacher

• mr stowe is my social studies teacher

• mrs erskine is my ela teacher

• mrs seals is the old ass transphobic building substitute

• mr jacobs is our theatre director

• ms carmen is from theatre

——— previous teachers

• mama is a teacher from sixth grade (she/her)

• mrs kopykat - seventh, ela (she/her)

• ms k - seventh, ela student teacher (she/her)

• mr bones/skeleton - seventh, science (he/him)

• mr margarita/montague - seventh, social studies (he/him)

• mrs doty/dodds - seventh, math (she/her)

my irl friends :3

• crotch demon is my sister (she/her)

• my sweet little expired english muffin is @meerealsssss (she/her)

• ace @aceiined / @muthafuckinaro (they/them, mal/they)

• wife part two is my wife, they asked me to not name her here (she/they)

• al/allie is from school :3 (she/her)

• smurf is from school (blue hair, hence the nickname) (he/him)

• tomato is from school (silly :3) (he/him)

• boom boy/isaac is from school (he made me a netherite pickaxe after someone else burned mine // the pick had unbreaking // boom boy likes tnt) (he/him)

• boomerang/matt is from school (he/him)

• (irl) alex is from school :3 (he/they)

• khris is from school

• colten is from school (father) (he/him)

• will @skibitygamer is from school (he/him)

• dom is from school (he/him)

• luca was from theatre (mf graduated)

• maryn is from theatre

• alex (n) was from theatre (also graduated)

• chris is from theatre

parents are now getting their own nicknames

• hades is my dad (he/him)

• will come up with one for my mom (she/her)

where else can you find me?

pinterest (moonysfavoritetoast)

pinterest (cryingunderstars)

youtube

wattpad (please don’t take this seriously)

tiktok (moonysfavoritetoast)

tiktok (cryingunderstars)

facebook mom account

my nintendo switch friend code is SW-4260-6971-6714

roblox is /@moonysfavorite_toast

and discord (@moonysfavoritetoast)

[neptunescore]

zak brown hater anon here, I gotchu 🫶. This isn’t very controversial (maybe) but I think no matter what we should have an age limit.

People turn to Max and say he was able to do but don’t understand it’s because he’s the only one we could ever turn to- and happens to be successful. No hate to Kimi, honestly, he could be amazing in F1 even if he’s not in F2, but it’s a risk. Max is the exemption because he’s the pinnacle everyone wants.

Max was a risk his first few years in f1 because f1 was his rookie season, and all the drivers took note and steered clear of him because if you were close to him there was a high chance you would crash- because he was still learning. (Nico 2016 nightmares 💔) Yes, he’s considered one of the best, even when he was young and now regarded by multiple wdc’s but they all knew he had to change his driving style because of how dangerous it was. We look at Logan and while he isn’t 17, he was bumped up to F1 way too soon. He crashes, a lot. Logan isn’t a bad driver per se, his f2 season was pretty good but if he were to stay another year in f2 I feel like it would’ve been a whole different story from today.

But the crashes is just one thing why I worry for kids in f1 (yes they’re 17 but hey, they’re still young) is that it’s a lot for mental health. FIA themselves had the age limit because of the backlash on the sport and so there wouldn’t be another Max verstappen. But lo and behold, they have a very talented and upcoming driver and they want to let him in- at 17- same reason why they wanted Max not to drive. I think it’s kinda hypocritical of FIA, but I understand that rules can change over time. But it’s the fact that their exception for younger than 18 yr old drivers is that they must be promising? promising? What a load of crap. Other well established drivers who could’ve debuted at 17 or maybe older but didn’t have enough points (because the points system is bs..) isn’t the same thing? Why weren’t they granted an exemption?

Though, I would like to point out I’m not saying I think max should’ve raced at 17 too. As much as I love his first few seasons and how development, he was not just a risk to other drivers but for himself. He’s a talented driver, but that could’ve gone wrong if he didn’t have the mentality that he had. Few were on his side and rumors were spreading that he would’ve been without a seat until he changed his style. Yes, he won a few gp’s and got podiums, all-in-all a skilled driver that deserved a seat but everyone focused on how aggressive his style is. He finally did change, after years of being in F1. This could never happen now in F1 because they would be kicked out before they could even try. People would react to like how they did with Logan or Nyck. Barely had a chance at F1 yet let’s kick them out and let other talent show. F1 is a tough sport, yes, but it’s also very hypocritical.

so yes, it would be tough for young drivers like Kimi. I don’t know much about his personality but the media is ruthless.

The same thing could happen to Kimi or any other young driver. Sometimes the real pressure isn’t the race itself but the media. A lot of drivers who weren’t even that young already felt this pressure. Albon is a great example. One reason why Red Bull wasn’t cut out for him is that all eyes were on him and always criticized him and it was so bad that he stopped social media for a while.

Kimi is a talented driver, but there is no rush in f1. New young talent is good for the sport but it should also not mean “let’s serve the plate raw” I guess this also shows how bs the super-license is but even then I believe the 18+ rule should stay. Though, the points system should be reworked… and the fact people can get exemption…

thank you for coming to my ted talk (I am a max fan guys not a hater 💔)

Oh my god, I was literally gonna make a post abt this (especially with the new allowance of 17 yr old that the fia has announced), and this is timed so perfectly. Anyway, u are literally never wrong ZB❌️ anon <3

Overall, you've covered literally every point I wanted to talk about, so I'm just gonna add a little bit on to the mental aspect to what uve said, but other than that, this summarises my thoughts PERFECTLY.

I feel like fans also forget how MUCH of a mental strain it puts on a driver to be promoted to f1 THAT young. when max got that torro rosso seat, it was like he was fresh meat and they were all starved predators, ESPECIALLY when they realised he was too young to properly control/ limit his answers to the media. There were SO MANY articles just absolutely CRUSHING him, like it's genuinely insane how bad it was. That kind of thing is not healthy for ANYONE, much less a CHILD. And atleast max was occasionally podiuming and doing really well, like look at logan (the poor boy) this man is getting absolutely VIOLATED by both the media and his team, and it's not even really his fault. It's the team's fault for bringing him up this quick and then leaving him to fend for himself the SECOND he's not doing as well as they wanted and needs emotional support.

The same goes for kimi, I get that he's a talented driver, but ppl need to chill. This boy still isn't properly used to f2 cars, uve made him COMPLETELY skip f3, and now ur talking abt promoting him to f1 next season??? He's sixth in the f2 standings rn, by the way. And I'm sorry, but giving him a seat in MERCEDES next year is both going to be so unfair to him (the media are gonna rip him from limb to limb if he makes even a little mistake) and to the other drivers who are much higher than him in the standings.

Anyway, I love u ZB❌️ anon, and thank u for letting me rant abt this😭 (I was gonna respond to this much quicker, but since I couldn't sleep last night, I thought 'oh might as well go to the park and just chill for a bit, reconnect with nature and all that shit' and then I ended up falling off one of those small hills so bad that I got a hairline fracture😭. So... never doing that again!)

Edit: LMFAOOO I SAW THIS RIGHT AFTER PSTING AND I JUST HAD TO PUT IT IN

Source

(I love Nora, she's so real)

[caramel-covered-apples]

the issue with drarry

before you get angry, hear me out.

[ has mentions of sex, although not explicit; don’t read for younger audiences ]

i am a huge drarry fan. i’ve always loved the rivals-to-lovers trope (if you wanna call it enemies-to-lovers, go ahead, the line between rivals and enemies is so blurred in fanfiction) and drarry sets it up perfectly - draco, a normal boy (not some sort of miniature devil baby) who grew up surrounded by bigoted views and a controlling father (not entirely abuse, although i’m not defending lucius here, I’m just saying we don’t automatically have to make lucius abusive because he was on the wrong side) and ended up biting off more than he could chew. he joined the wrong side, and we know that draco sees this, particularly in deathly hallows and the cursed child. then we have harry, the golden boy who was automatically born into the light side, who was forced to believe the world is either inherently evil or inherently good; a black-and-white picture, if you will. either way, draco is the supposed ‘enemy’ and harry is the ‘hero’.

and while this works perfectly fine - both are compelling characters, although harry, in my opinion, isn’t as well-thought out as draco - the way the fandom pushes them into certain characterizations drives me insane.

draco is almost always the mastermind, the trickster, the feminine sub, the one who doesn’t need anybody else because they’re lesser than him, the smooth one, the one who always apologizes to the golden trio when the golden trio did some shit things too, the one who’s despicable but also has a great heart and ‘my dad told me no’, the one who never grows out of insulting harry and his friends. why is draco portrayed like this? why does he always, post-war, suddenly join the golden trio and get on his hands and knees to ask for forgiveness? where are his slytherin buddies? i thought draco saw the slytherins as his friends, not the shit image of them that dumbledore painted when the bastard was alive. yet, he almost never spends time with them in fanfictions, especially post-war. he IMMEDIATELY runs to the golden trio and gets wrapped up in the whole weasley family. what happened to his family? i do know that his parents (or just lucius) are thrown into azkaban, and half of his family is shit, but that doesn’t mean he has to completely dump them, or his friends.

speaking of family, why does harry have SO much more family lore (especially with the Blacks) than draco? draco’s the one who’s related to them! shouldn’t he have some memorable experiences with his family that aren’t just outright abuse? it drives me insane.

and why are draco’s sectumsempra scars sexualized? harry fucking outright attacked him with a spell he didn’t know how to use (kudos to hermione on this one) and then 19 years later, they’re fucking each other and moaning about how pretty his scars look. harry ATTACKED him. draco somehow ALWAYS forgets about his scars until they’re in bed together, and then when harry sees them, he’s like “oh sorry” and draco IMMEDIATELY forgives him, or doesn’t even say anything. What? this also leads towards the helpless, overdramatic princess draco who needs everything done for him. no. draco might’ve been helpless when he was younger, but that’s because his parents - especially lucius - were so controlling. he literally couldn’t do anything. draco knows how to take care of himself.

now. harry. harry is always the masculine golden boy who can’t determine his broom from his glasses, who always needs draco to apologize to him and doesn’t see the world beyond black and white, even after the war. and while harry was forced to believe this by a whole number of people (mostly the order), he never grows out of this. but at the same time, draco is always the one exception to this. draco’s the one who “isn’t like the other girls” and who harry somehow manages to forgive every time. I’m not excusing harry and the golden trio for their behavior, as they did some fucked up shit too, but draco also wasn’t a great person either. he called hermione a mudblood on several occasions, but for some reason, it’s always ron and draco who can’t get along. why is hermione so willing to forgive? in the books, ron should be the one willing to forgive, and hermione the one who doesn’t like draco. and dramione is a whole other post, along with how women are portrayed in the hp universe and in the fandom.

harry is also always putting up with draco’s shit behavior. draco calls his friend a racial slur? well, he doesn’t mean it because that’s how he was raised. draco insults his intelligence every other word he speaks? well, that’s just one of his quirks. no. canon harry would get up off of his ass and say something, but for some reason in the fandom, he’s always this doormat who can’t get over draco’s fucking nose shape when draco is actively insulting him. fanon harry never stands up for himself. he’s always saying how draco is just trying to change, he doesn’t mean to call hermione a mudblood or actively insult the weasleys and the fact they can’t afford a whole fucking mansion like draco can.

and then, for some reason, harry’s always this himbo quidditch jock. while harry isn’t the brightest (“why is roonil wazlib written on the inside of your textbook?” “ah, that’s my nickname” WHAT 😭) he certainly isn’t a complete and total idiot. he’s the chosen one, and i would like to think that harry had to learn a great deal of things to protect himself. maybe harry never studied in school, but god, did he learn expecto patronum quick. just because harry was never really seen traditionally studying doesn’t mean his brain is smoother than ice. give me a harry that is constantly looking for more protection spells to protect himself and his friends, even if it isn’t through traditional means (think hermione the bookworm, if you want an example). give me a harry who spends time with neville studying the healing properties of plants in case he doesn’t have a potion on him. give me a harry who could list out how to brew a polyjuice potion off the top of his head. while i don’t like auror harry that much, i can certainly see that aurors need to have some level of intelligence if they’re actively fighting dark wizards. they need to know the aftereffects of this spell and the cure to fix it.

anyways that’s it for today because my post is so long wtf. i need sleep.

[laura1633]

Laura feel like you always choose the drivers that deserve love mostly to become your favorites , I don’t understand how to explain this but you always choose drivers who suffered in the past or now or drivers that are misunderstood by people, like Oscar makes my heart break sometimes he seems cold but I feel like he’s just a baby who needs love and a deserves it , I remember Lando once said that Oscar is Soulless as a joke but I feel that’s what he seems but inside he’s sooo soft and sensitive and emotional I love him so much, and I don’t even have to explain why Max deserves a lot of love he’s the strongest since childhood till now he always endures a lot emotionally and physically and some people still boo him or misunderstand him like how can’t you see he’s literally a little babygirl with the biggest heart he’s like an omega mommy , and Charles also suffered a lot and lost people he loves and still so strong and keeps going and caring for people he loves, I just feel so happy when I see how you give them the love and affection they deserve in your fics I wish they know how strong and pretty they’re

Oh this is so interesting anon 🥰

One of the things I absolutely love is how the public opinion of Oscar seems to have changed since he first came on to the grid. I think he's getting more confident and people are starting to notice his humour and what a genuine person he is. I think he shows that you don't need to be the loudest or most outlandish to be the most interesting or fun. It's wonderful to see.

And Max, well I will always have a huge soft spot for him being treated kindly and softly and getting all the love and praise he deserves. I hate so much about the way he has been treated by so many groups of people over the years. He has not received the respect he deserves. Even now when he gets up on that podium he has to deal with people booing or chanting someone else's name. I know this type of thing sometimes comes along with winning so much but it shouldn't. He is an absolute sweetheart who deserves nothing but good things. I at least feel like over the last year or so he seems happier and settled in himself. I honestly could sing his praises for days on end. Max being described as an omega mommy makes so much sense to me, he gives the support to younger drivers that he should have received.

Charles too has had a lot to deal with so far in his life and I think he is a lot stronger than people sometimes give him credit for. Yes he looks like a complete babygirl but he is absolutely no victim. He is determined and smart and will stick up for himself when he needs to. I so hope that he becomes world champion one day, he deserves it.

I am so glad that you have noticed how I like to give them lots of love and softness in my fics. I know I write quite a lot of smut but I still want those boys to get all the affection they deserve.

Thank you so much for your ask anon, it was really interesting to think about <3

[raindrvq]

Psst. The Outsiders doodle ideas:

Ponyboy reading a book (could be used to practice posing, expressions, background, foreground, etc). Or its homework and he cannot figure it out for the life of him

Johnny and Ponyboy getting milkshakes

Johnny. Just.. him

If you want to on with color: blond Johnny and black (or is it just a dark brown????) haired Ponyboy

Ofc don’t feel forced! And if you want to swap and characters then go for it, just used those two since you said they’re the only ones with set designs so far

TYYYYY 🙏🔥💯‼️ love all the amazing ideas i did a few bc it is a teeny bit late rn (3 am)

first we got Pony reading Lord of the Flies in honor of my lotf hyperfixatation sophomore year 🫡🫡🫡 why is he upside down? bc why not 🤷‍♂️ i feel like Pony would be the type of person to get wayyyyy too invested in like, all the books he has to read in English class (projecting), I mean dude literally read Great Expectations n was like 'damn this guy just like me fr'. anyways Ponyboy lotf fan is real to ME

and then this is Pony STRUGGLING w his math homework bc i drew this while putting off my own math hw <3 I think that Pony would be pretty good at math bc obviously he's a smart guy but yknow he's more English smart than math smart so I feel like he breezed thru math when he was younger n then he started getting into more advanced classes n realized math is actually pretty difficult n he does NOT wanna be putting all that work into it but he's pushing thru it 🫡 trying so hard to be math smart its ok Pony embrace the English nerd in u

and finally Johnny drawing that im ngl im not liking but idk why.... it is 3 in the morning so ill probs wake up n realize a million things that r wrong it but for now its good enough to post 🙏 i do like the hair tho it looks nice

[belit0]

Since we’re on the topic of Uchiha cock, let’s compare, shall we?

Indra: the founder of all Uchiha Cock

Honestly, I don’t know much about this man. But didn’t he pioneer the clan in the first place? So literally every single male in the clan sort of is blessed by his cocks genes. Phew, I hope you have a pair of underwear to change into. 😈😈😈

- Proportionate from crown to base, this man’s cock was almost painted for a portrait once.

- Not exceedingly veiny, but they’re there. And in all the right places, and if you’re a good girl, he’ll show you just where those places are.

- Dark head, semi lighter shaft, definitely exotic. His cock is the focal point of his southern region, neatly adorned with beautiful carpet that matches the drapes.

- Uncut, the ridges on his foreskin sort of are stimulating. Especially on first entry, so he will tease and tease you until he slams it in, fast without warning.

- Exceptionally thick, you’ll feel stretched stupid by this man’s cock. And when he presses a hand to your lower abdomen, you instantaneously start to flutter and come. It’s like magic.

- Exceedingly long, cervix taps all around for you. And he’s not gentle about it, he wants to make sure that that every drop of his seed shoots near it, especially when you ovulate.

Rating: 8/10 length 9/10 girth and 10/10 cock whipped @belit0 into oblivion 🫠

Madara: the shameless Uchiha cock

Similarly to Indra, he is at the starting line of the next generation for all Uchiha males. And outside of beating someone in battle, he beats pussy even better with cock. It’s glorious—picturesque. Even his enemies are green with envy, their wives RUN to Madara, but he shuns them. Truly a man made from the hands of the gods themselves. Hushed rumors between loose lipped women in their clan praise worship to him, and although he is a private person. He enjoys the secret whispers about his cock. It’s free advertisement and plenty of women throw themselves at him when he is out and about.

- Big fat head, ok? His foreskin doesn’t even cover his tip.

- Exceptionally sensitive. Madara has stamina for days, but if the right pair of thick lips wrap around him and suck that fat fucking head, he’s going to thrust into your throat until he comes and then drops you off where he found you. Sorry but he has more important things to do and this was a quickie.

- Drippy, excited when a new woman falls into his sheets. His cock leaks happily. A new hole to fill and another potential pregnancy. Which leads to the next point.

- His pullout game is weak despite being unbridled in battle. The man is fully enslaved to the Uchiha breeding kink. The more mini Madara’s the better, though he only exclusively fucks Uchiha women. No exceptions.

- Not incredibly long, nor short. He is a shower not a grower, and will make you suck him soft until he is hard.

Rating: 6/10 length 10/10 girth 12/10 has kids he doesn’t know about.

Izuna: eh—Uchiha cock

Another Uchiha I am uncertain about, but this man strikes me as a mix between Sasuke and Shisui. Sasuke because he can be emotionally dormant. Doesn’t want or like kids, but will eventually one day have to make sure he has at least one. And Shisui because the guy has drip and a sort of fun bad boy side that he doesn’t show anyone other than the woman he shares all himself with. It was as if the gods split his personality and reincarnated him into the two younger Uchiha because each side of the coin developed better between the two.

- Small-ish, but it grows and grows and grows. You think twice before shunting him aside. Extra long, a half inch or so doesn’t fit to the hilt.

- Sort of skinny, not in a bad way—he just wasn’t blessed like the rest of them. Ask him for a back stroke though, it’ll make up for it and have you crying for air several orgasms later, pleading for a break.

- Will reluctantly cum inside his wife. After 6 years of marriage though, and hounding from his brother to give his niece/nephews play friends (and cohorts in war).

- Realizes he likes coming inside his wife and has 3 more kids. Sorry Izuna, you’re a family man now.

- Secretly gets a vasectomy.

Rating: 10/10 length 4/10 girth 8/10 secretly a happy dad

Obito: the man of the hour Uchiha cock

This guy. Doesn’t even know what he has. Unknowingly is the most modest about his junk out of all the Uchiha. Thinks it’s genetics and never once thought he was adorned with the most beautiful cock out of all the Uchiha bloodline. When he finally feels comfortable to bed his new girlfriend he is shocked by your reaction and it awakens a whole new side of Obito.

- Big. Just big, big everything. Hands, torso, thighs. Toned, muscled and ripped up back. The man is built like a fucking 56k tonne Mack truck. Even when he is careful, and he worries a lot about that, it’s still rough. You love it though.

- Thickest cock game all around. It’s not overtly veiny but they do protrude when he has been properly edged and driven to the brink of insanity by him, lucky you. Cause she’s gonna get it and then some.

- Slow, fast, hard or soft. No matter the pace, Obito takes pride in his clan genetics little by little when he fucks 6 or 7 orgasms out of you.

- Big and fat aren’t the only things. When he comes it’s nearly cataclysmic. And he’ll secretly pretend he didn’t finish yet, just to fuck it back into you. Savage man I tell you.

Rating: 10/10 length 10/10 girth and 20/10 fucked stupid by him.

Shisui: legendary Uchiha cock

My light. The vision with no place to go. I love him wholly. But I’ll be honest, he is a filthy slut—because he fucks everyone. Pullout game on fleek—unless you’re on birth control, he’ll live out his wildest breeding fantasy with you, and maybe even gift you a real baby if you’re not on the pill. Who knows. This man doesn’t use a condom, ever. He won’t fuck just anyone though, their yearly physical has to be clean of STIs, emotionally fit and exceeding core strength. He’s going to have you in situations where sex is the least of your concern because nothing, and literally nothing, gets him off more than the element of surprise. Just killed an enemy in front of him? You get fucked, propped up against anything he can lean you over, and if there isn’t anything to support you with, you’ll be standing. Legs trembling, cramping and giving out. That’s just his lip service. I haven’t even talked about his cock.

- It’s not shy. You know it’s there even if he isn’t hard. Can fuck you with a half hard chubby if time allowed it and if he is too tired.

- Not entirely long, but that is ok. Shisui LOVES, LOVES to be close. Cradling you in his arms, pounding flesh until it echos, alerting everyone and anyone.

- KISSES. Cervix kisses, lip kisses. He wants to put his cock, EVERYWHERE that you allow him to—king of consent. Always jokes that your belly button is under developed because his cock should fit there too.

- Please, please, please tug his testicles. Unlike the other Uchiha, Shisui is the only one who loves to have them tugged, especially when he comes.

- His nick name is the super soaker. Not because of how big his load is, but given his lack of superior length, it’s not that short but still, he works a little extra hard to overstimulate you, making you squirt all on his cock. And even if he’s already came inside you, he will still lick and suck all that lovely marinate you guys just made.

Rating: 7/10 length 9/10 girth 10/10 if you fuck around, you’ll find out what’s it’s like to be folded like a lawn chair underneath him.

Itachi: dark horse of the Uchiha clan

This man here. Certified undercover freak. If he even senses you are giving him the opportunity, though he will ask first, just know that whatever dark paradise this man unleashes on you will forever be seared into your front temporal lobe. Not only will he emotionally lobotomize you to think of him and only him. He is physically capable of eliciting even the most deplorable desires you never dreamed of recreating with someone. Itachi has his own private theatre which you take center stage. The break down:

- Tsukuyomi. This is your playground. Anything you can imagine, dream, think and even feel is at the hands of Itachi. Though using his genjūtsu is saved for special occasions.

- Incredibly heavy headed. The crown of his cock appears to swell a bit more than most Uchiha males. Stretching your tight entrance repeatedly, just so he can watch it disappear and dissect your dribbling cunt.

- You get an Itachi and you get an Itachi and everyone here gets an Itachi. Or at least every hole that is. Just like Shisui, this man wants to fill every orifice of your body. Simultaneously. And Tsukuyomi is capable of just that.

- If you’re exceeding sensitive to pressure, he’ll feather his tongue over your clit from below, while his clone impales your weeping cunt, and another clone to muffle out the cries of pleasure is in your mouth.

Rating: 8/10 length 8/10 girth 10/10 leaving you fucked up beyond belief.

Merry Christmas you filthy animal. 😈😭

i.......... i can't even............ i mean................. FUCK

I have to admit Obito's is just how I always imagine him (did you read my mind?), perfect portrait of him🫱🏼‍🫲🏼

I agree with literally everything (except one part), so I'm going to dive into my personal opinion of one particular section (my favorite), let me elaborate:

IZUNA HAVING A SECRET VASECTOMY, YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I must say I differ a bit with his profile cause he is my special boy, I think he would finish up inside any woman who tells him she is on the pill (and if he's too horny, sometimes he doesn't even ask) just because of how incapable he is of controlling his breeding kink.

I think there would be more little Izunas running around (which he wouldn't take care of unless they came to throw the kid in his face) than Madaras.

Madara has to take care of an image, he can't have huge amounts of unknown children, on the other hand, Izuna escapes that responsibility and jumps from bed to bed as he pleases because no one can stop him.

Izuna is the real slut of the Uchiha clan, always hungry for a new pussy and never stopping in the same bed for two nights. He fucks all the women of the clan (leaving more than one unrecognized child lying around) and then starts with the village women once it's founded. No one can stop him, Madara literally forces him to marry.

I love the description of him being a combination of Sasuke's emotional inability and Shisui's wild side, I think they both got more genes from him than from any other ancestor (they are probably offspring of one of the children Izuna never recognized, linked directly by blood).

His high sexual experience gives him a development capacity in bed that no other has, he is not tied to anyone and always changes person, without discriminating genders (if he likes a man very much, nothing stops him). He is the physical description of Uchiha passion, pure fire running through his veins constantly.

I believe his dick loses importance in the equation because Izuna has the best hand-and-mouth game in the whole clan. That man destroys you under his wet caresses before even fucking and leaves you so sensitive you come over and over again on his cock. It is a tactic he finds necessary because nothing makes him come better than the desperate cries of a woman under his body.

welcome to sam's ted talk pips, i hope u guys enjoy as much as I did

now if u excuse me, i have to use all this information for prolific writing🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠