#theyve been so empty for so long what makes me think i will ever make them full again

[forgotten-daydreamer]

"have you eaten?" "yes" i said, like a liar

[girlypsyop]

Giving urself a speech trying to convince yourself that you'll love & take care of yrself is so hard to do when u spent 2 years in a relationship w sb who constantly gave u that same fucking speech and then never followed thru 😊

[srk8t]

hi, this is not something that i usually post, but I'd like to get it off from my chest since ive kept this for quite a long time and talking it on tumblr is my only hope to do so.

please don't stop talking about Palestine.

no matter where I go, what social media that i use, there are always consistently something that has been preventing me and thousands of others from speaking out our voices, and to my surprise, even ROBLOX. FUCKING ROBLOX. IS A VICTIM OF THIS.

STOP SILENCING OUR VOICES. STOP LYING TO THE PEOPLE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR PATHETIC BLOOD MONEY WHEN INNOCENT CIVILIANS AND LOVING MOTHERS HAVE SUFFERED IN THIS GENOCIDE.

thousands and hundreds of money wasted for the sake of war instead of using it to help the homeless and those who are in need. Do you think the world is a big stage for you to sit down in your air conditioned room while crossing your legs on the couch, while watching others suffer?

I have never been more UPSET to see how selfish and brutal these "people" are, calling palestinians "human animals" and saying they are savages while hamas are terrorists when theyve released hostages, and have done nothing but be nice to the said hostages. WHILE THE WHITE AND BLUE STATE REFUSES TO TAKE THE SAID HOSTAGES BACK.

I am unable to speak with such anger and show my frustrations elsewhere, as that'll only result in my socials being banned or shadow banned. I've seen this story play itself out more times than one might assume, as i observed from afar just to see what people all around the world treat muslims and islam itself. It is different, I grew up in a country where a vast majority are muslims while other religions can peacefully coexist.

I grew up hearing about palestine and gaza ever since I was in elementary school. Malaysia has tried to speak upon this but perhaps at that time, people just didn't care enough or, our voices were silenced.

I've seen white men fighting against defenseless nations. I've seen westerners blaming how islam teaches its followers horrible things. I've seen americans calling countless muslims as terrorists. But i have yet to see anyone, LITERALLY anyone calling the one who is in the wrong the actual terroist.

"I'm not educated enough to talk about this!"

THEN EDUCATE YOURSELF.

"This doesn't affect me"

THEN EDUCATE YOURSELF.

"Both are in the wrong and it has nothing to do with me nor my country"

If you as human are willing to defend genocide and "stay neutral", you are a coward to wake up and face reality. You called us terrorists as if it's a word that can easily be used whenever you like. And why again, are these white supremacists fighting against people who have no army and are defenseless in power? Is it perhaps they as well are afraid if they go for a bigger target who has the same, equal power as them?

THIS IS A PUBLIC GENOCIDE, THEY WANT TO WIPE PALESTINE OFF THE MAP. EDUCATE YOURSELF.

I've seen a loooot of isnotreal dick riders, and willing to go on lengths of texts just to justify genocide... do you get paid to do so? do you feel a sense of relief by wasting your time instead of doing something more useful and educational? Or are you turning a blind eye to the real problem? Your eyes are clear as skies, but your heart is an empty void of ignorance.

I am tired of staying silent for long. How many lives would it take until it will make people finally be aware? Once a colonizer, you are always a colonizer. From the river to the sea, palestine will be free. I was a young and clueless girl when i first heard this story. But I've grown and learned the hard ways of life and its rules. this time, i will not stay silent.

this time, i will not let my voice go unspoken

and this time, i will keep on fighting and spread awareness about palestine and the thousands of years that they have suffered.

If you burn, you'll burn with us.

[aettuddae]

cute little serim 🫶🫶, the idea that serim has snsd PLANT version is amazing, i love it, gardener put it back on!

thinking about how ever since theyve met eo, jimin and serim privs have just been tweets about each other

KARINA NOT EVEN ATTENDING THE FUNERAL DESPITE LIVING IN THE SAME PLACE AS SERIM WHQAHSHSHSHSHS (she just killed another shes officially a serial plant killer 😪😪)

serim girltwink confirmed

WHATS SERIM FAV MUSICAL PLS TELL ME 🫨

ningning undoing the bottom button on her pjs serim pls give this girl some attention 😭😭

OH WOW 😲😲😲 them kissing before they start even just enjoying the other presence 😭

hiro:1 serim:0

(ALSO HARU AND LONG CHAT LMGNFBDBD IM SORRY THAT WILL ALWAYS BE MY STUPID SILLY BARNEY/SPONGEBOB/PUPPY BABY 😖😖 i think about her all the time, harumin come home the kids miss u…)

im also very stressed trying to figure out which version of the album i should get 😭😭 MIND U i dont even own a cd player…

- 🕷️

my favorite gardener sone, i just know yuri would be proud of her

they're obsessed with each other omg what happened to tweeting about the weather and one's bad luck? 🫴🏼

i picture jimin on that very specific pajama she has (i know you guys know which one i mean cmon) with messy hair, passing by the balcony while serim is on a black dress with a veil crying to a box with dirt and some leaves and then wondering when she went wrong to end up like this

serim has an official girl twink license.

ok i feel like if you play a random musicals playlist serim is the kind to know all songs 😭 i don't know why i got this random idea of her not being able to fight the urge of starting to sing empty chairs at empty tables everytime she sees a free table (?

BUT, she enjoys musicals like hairspray, kinky boots, chicago (merely bc tiffany played roxie on it), the producers, moulin rouge, even heathers kinda. but maybe i'd say the rocky horror show as her favorite one. although she cries with rent.

hope it makes some sense..🧍

this close 🤏🏻 to turn the smau into ningning x serim i can't keep seeing this kid like this

sometimes your biggest enemy is hot, okay? and you could kiss them

SHUT UP I HEARD LONG CHAT, THEN READ THE LYRICS AND I WAS LIKE HARU WHERE ARE YOU MY SWEETHEART 😭 i'm truly so fond of her and hole in one i can't do this anymore i'm closing my blog

then buy the cdp duh 🫴🏼 (maybe it will arrive SOMEDAY 😭 can't believe it's not shipped intl). saw that the MY power version is the most complete one !! hope you can figure out, then come and brag about it 🫶🏻

(long ass answer btw sorry for yapping so much)

[narwhalandchill]

yknow as much as the (deserved) inazuma backlash has clearly changed hoyos writing for the better i do think there v much is one completely wrong lesson theyve taken from it and thats incorporating story quests into the AQ sequence (and specifically how theyve never attempted it again)

the concept itself was Never inherently bad. in fact it unironically has a ton of potential bc you could lessen the need for sudden character specific exposition in the AQ AND pull off way more high-stakes and timeline-specific plotlines in the SQs by ensuring players will experience it at the intended place and time.

the issue was that they introduced a bleak depressing inazuma in the middle of a fucking civil war and then went omg AQ on pause!!! lets go to a festival with ayaka and u will be her first friend ever OwO yoimiyas is at least vastly better written and actually involves the VH and sakoku decrees so its always been a favorite of mine but even then im sure theres things worth criticism in there its just been 2 years so i cant analyze it off the top of my head. but the greatest offender has always been the way ayakas comes with such a complete tonal dissonance it just takes you out of the atmosphere they spent the entire act I building up.

and it rly makes me sad bc i Know hoyo took the backlash about interrupted pacing and disjointed tone as "ok story quests bad as AQ requirements" when its like. no the one you wrote just sucked

AQ incorporated story quests need to have a damn good reason to be mandatory at that specific point and while its far from perfect i DO think yoimiyas fulfills that! but ayakas doesnt! at all! and like im realizing the issue is also in how genshins made it a standard that a character must receive a story quest Instantly on release. so i guess ayakas had to be in between acts I and II for plot reasons but like. that being the case then the story quest itself shouldve focused on a completely different theme as opposed to her very predictable tropey personal problems that werent even explored properly imo. like im sure plenty of depth and nuance in her characterization was lost in translation but i almost cry laughed the first time the restaurant vendor went "oh ayaka is lonely because she is so perfect that no one sees her as a friend but instead an aspiration" like what in the 3rd grader writing mary sue self insert fic tarnation 💀 you couldve worded that exact same concept in 12 different ways to make it actually sound poignant and you did That SHAHSKSJSKDLJH

(and a quick addition before i get accused of being a blind hater hater lmao. here goes: "the burdens of miss ayakas position as the public face of the kamisato make it difficult for her to shed the mask of practiced perfection. i think people struggle to see her as a person whod enjoy simple things in life like friendship just like everyone else when theyre so used to viewing her as an unreachable figurehead." there. now its way more clearly nuanced. this took me 3 minutes and is far from any fluid writing yet. the difference is staggering)

but like. as a result this ambiguous timeline limbo most story quests end up falling into is genuinely a shame bc i do think theres potential in attempting the ayaka n yoi thing again but with characters for whom it makes sense and actually enhances the AQ experience by necessitating it. and yeah yeah ik genshin wants to be casual friendly so they dont want to force ppl to do quests they dont like for AQ so its unrealistic to expect them to ever try it out again but man

as long as they pick the right place and time and characters for it they could massively alleviate the issue of some story quests contents ending up feeling like somewhat empty fluff bc they cant assume what point a player will be in the main plot could be so they lack actually impactful lore and or character beats.

obviously im not a writer at hoyo and idk how much backlash the ayaya/yoi situation got them but like. idk. taking the lesson "never do anything like inazuma again" isnt rly what id consider the full picture. inazuma does suck and has clunky moments throughout but like in 2.0 people were still hype! inazuma had good ideas and concepts and attempted sth that couldve been great the issue isnt inazuma bad on all levels its that they never delivered its potential and 2.1 was an incredible letdown.

[blustering-old-fool]

I have an awful memory, I really do, when it comes to details like have I eaten today, What did I do yesterday.

But one thing I do remember are the people and how they make me feel.

I love people, I love *my* people. I hold people to a higher regard then I do myself. Not in some glorifying 'Im better if I care for people' but a just "Oh youre hurting? If I sit with you, so youre not alone would that make it better?"

Because I know how it feels to be alone with your thoughts, Horrible thoughts. Ive done things to myself recently because of those thoughts that i probably wont ever tell anyone besides this. Details, I wont put down but they weren't good. If I can save someone from having... *those* thoughts and wanting to do that to themselves... well....

I have a big heart... so Ive been told. Its broken and blue. Used and abused.

By my own doing and by others. Mostly... others,

But I have pink spots, yellow spots of fondness for people. I keep my true feelings from people because if I ever did speak such

secrets it would drive them away. Who I like who I dont like. I have to take into consideration that my feelings could be taken out of context and used against me like theyve been before.

I remember everyone that has been in my life, it might not be as their real names, but I remember Danny. I used to talk to him frequently when facebook roleplay was big back in 2013s. I was sixteen at the time. He was a big help to me for about a year or two until he just dropped off the side of the world one day, He lives in Leeds, has a wife now. I remember Mags, and Max, Oppy, the Rungs and Hadez, rebel, joker and segador. I remember mimi and booboo from when I was still in grade school. I was maybe 9. Tyler, Mason, Jessica, Sam, Star, Pheonix, Mama bear(a optimua prime roleplayer i was friends with for years). Everyone. all of them are still in my memory but I haven't heard from theses people in so long I cant remember what most of their voices were. some I have on facebook but they havent updated in years.

"I can see you in my eyes and I can see me in yours," Was one of the things probably one of the first memories when I was eight years old.

Things worry me now a days because people can come and go so quick any more. I worry the friends I have now will just vanish as well. I know life happens and everyone falls on rough times but.

I wonder if any of them think of me in kind regards as I have them. If they think of me at all. It makes me violently uncomfortable when *I* think of it. I don't know why, maybe its that little bug in my ear telling me that I won't ever be able to put myself on that podium I put so many people on.

I dont know any more. My heart is blue and what I knows true is that I make people smile.

But when theyre gone all I feel is empty.

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

theres a lot of different ways people have illustrated the greed and evil of billionaires from visual portrayals of how big a billion actually is to comparing their philanthropy and how much money they have to highlighting the sufferings of those theyve exploited, and theyre all great demonstrations in of themselves.

but one i dont see quite as often is comparing the charitable works of every day people to that of billionaires. i think part of it is that a billionaire can donate more money to charity in one click of a finger than i can in my entire life, but i think another part is a combination of not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth while also not wanting to rock the boat.

a great example of that is the fact that you cant criticise mr beast/jimmy donaldson without people pushing it aside with the notion of "hes helping people" or "the guy could cure cancer and youd find something to criticise about it", which are endlessly frustrating and engaging with your criticism in bad faith.

but outside of him, youll see versions of it across the board for any philanthropic rich person. people automatically assume your criticism is coming from a cynical point of view, and often that you dont ever take part in charitable acts yourself.

and it is endlessly frustrating to run into that attitude every damn time like youre a dog running into that same glass door. because there is very valid criticism to be made about it.

because most of the time, these people could use that money to make lasting structural changes. i mean, the UN estimates you could end world hunger with $6billion, but no billionaires attempted to. on a smaller scale, you can build shelters or youth hubs or rehab facilities, or you could invest in ongoing work to help people out of poverty or improve local education or help people get better healthcare. or even just put your money where your mouth is and financially back the people trying to make these structural changes.

but these so-called philanthropists dont because systematic changes arent what they actually want. theyre this rich because of the system.

and their philanthropy is a form of propaganda; they want you to think the system is unchangeable and that your only options for improving your life is working yourself to the bone or for some kindly rich person to take pity on you and just hand you the money you need. the system is fucked, but the rich are good people who just want to help. this isnt some hot take, ro ramdin made a great video about mr beast specifically regarding this sort of thing. müne cat also has a video about it which is basically a 30 minute rant from her stream.

i know why you dont see the comparison of billionaire philanthropy to every day charity that often, and its because you have to preface the entire thing with the explanation that i just had to make, because most people dont want to think further than "give money to charity is good". i think part of that is people not realising everything is political, but thats a discussion for a different post.

originally, i started writing this just to get something out of my head. two days ago, i asked my mom if she still had the trumpet i accidentally stole from school (long short story) because id been thinking about the fact like, i could flog that for £200 and £200s a good bit of money. during the conversation, it came up that one of our neighbours had bought an empty guitar case from a charity shop for a fancy dress party, and all thoughts of flogging it were suddenly gone from my mind.

because it reminded me that i could donate it to a charity shop or find a local musical program aimed towards giving poorer kids a chance to learn how to play an instrument. and like, how could i flog it when i could do just a little bit of good with it.

a similar thing happened with these big marvel pictures i had in my room as a teenager. idk how much money theyd go for but they werent cheap when we bought them. but then my mom found this local charity where you could donate items that theyd then auction off and that money went directly to the local foodbank, and so thats where they went.

and this isnt for me to be like hey how good of a person i am; i do not give a shit about that. its about the fact that this mindset is directly opposed to that of billionaires and to neoliberalism in general.

you cant earn a billion dollars by being a good person, we all know that. but i do think a great illustration of it is to compare those billionaires with the people who run your local food bank or run charity drives or the people who put free period products in public bathrooms or the local deli owner who lets unhoused people eat for free.

[lodish]

i dont know if its really my place to say anything?? but just in case it helps. idk.

my ex and i were together for a year and a half and best friends for four, and its been a good 4-5 years now since then. to this day they're one of the only people i've been actually, genuinely vulnerable with in ways that feel almost impossible around others. once in a blue moon i still have dreams where we start talking again and become best friends again and that trust and care and love is back no matter what we choose to call it.

the first probably almost half a year? was really hard. but i kept close with other friends and reminded myself over and over to stay anchored in the present and sooner than i realized it felt less like an open wound and more like an empty garden. and the life around it crept it and grew and grew and the memory and the grief is still there but it is so, SO much easier to remember what i do have, and to focus on that instead of what ive lost. i cant promise it'll ever truly hurt less but i can promise it gets better, and easier, even when better feels impossible to reach.

hope youre doing okay :((

sorry for keeping this so long in my inbox.. ive been rereading it over and over because it makes comfort seep into my mind. thank u aly it really means a lot :’-) to have such a heartfelt message and genuine care from you is something i really appreciate

for me, me and my ex were friends for about half a year before we got together. we were together for two years. they broke up with me just after the two year mark had passed. they broke up with me almost 5 months ago now. ive never loved someone like that before to be honest. they were my first everything. sometimes i have nightmares where they kiss my forehead and brush my hair back from my eyes. we have a stardew valley save file with something like 90 hours on it… i still remember how their cheeks puff out when they smile and i still remember what their voice sounds like when theyve just gotten out of bed. i feel like their ghost still lives in parts of my life. hehe, did you know i accidentally pulled 2 copies of childe on his recent rerun? i was pulling for freminet and the reason i didnt pull on zhonglis banner instead was because it makes me think of when we would play genshin together. theyd use xiao and zhongli, and id use venti and barbara. i always spoke to them about how i wanted to get elegy for my venti one day. i finally have it for him, but i never got to show them

these days i think im doing better. i dont know… sometimes it feels just as bad as it did when they broke up with me at night, and i sobbed and begged them to sleep on call with me one last time. its really embarrassing.

i dont love them romantically anymore. but i love them, still, as my best friend. and i will for a long time

[quodekash]

OKAY SO IVE JUST HAD A THOUGHT AND ITS GONNA SOUND A LITTLE FARFETCHED BUT HEAR ME OUT HERE

tinn and sound have a rivalry. we have no clue why they hate each other (altho a huge part of it could be sound having a crush on tinn)

but we DO KNOW that at an old school of Tinn’s, he got the lyrics wrong in a song and people mocked him for a month, so maybe, MAYBE, we have a patpran-ish situation on our hands

lemme explain myself

they couldve been friends, when they were tiny little children humans. tinn did the music thingy and did badly and got the lyrics wrong. he told his best friend, sound, about what had happened, and sound did the classic friendly teasing thingy about him getting it wrong.

but either a) it hurt tinn more than he was letting on, or b) someone overheard him joking about it and started teasing tinn about it and word spread around and suddenly everyone would make nasty jokes and comments and stuff.

and eventually it caused a rift in their friendship, cos the way tinn saw it, sound started it.

but sound probably has no idea that this tiny thing had such a huge impact on their relationship. he probably doesnt even remember it at all. so from his point of view, tinn started the whole rivalry randomly one day, and theyve hated each other ever since.

also, the way tinn speaks when he says 'long story' about how he knows sound, and the way tinn speaks when he says 'i really wanted to quit that school' is really similar. it's like he wants to give more information but he's scared to cos hes been repressing memories. and he just says both things the same way which to me suggests hes talking about the same thing.

i think it explains a lot personally. like, why they would constantly compete (sound is naturally good at music so, out of bitterness, tinn would constantly try to prove he can be better than sound at everything else, which caused sound to retaliate, and then tinn to fire back, and it escalates more and more over time and then they dont know what started it (im pretty sure this happens a lot with fighting and stuff, especially at a young age)). it also explains why tinn very quickly stopped hating sound (he just seems completely indifferent towards him for most of the show whereas sound is like actively hostile towards tinn); he realised it was such a long time ago and theyre older now, theyre almost adults, they might as well reconcile and let it go. but sound doesnt know that, he doesnt know what started it, he's holding on to bitter feelings because that's what he's used to doing and it hasnt clicked in his head yet that they can change and turn a new leaf. and it also explains why sound was so suddenly accepting of tinngun. like yeah, part of it was gun trusting sound with the information so that he wouldnt give up on his affections for win. but also it was definitely sound realising that one of his closest friends and his lifelong rival can date, that probably means he can drop this empty bitterness he's been holding with him all these years for no reason.

idk i just feel like it works and i need an explanation but the show wont give it to us so im going with it

[salt-volk]

post707883411295043585 thats part of the problem tho is yall assume that just bc stuff doesnt come out on time means theyre not working on it. as if they just sit twiddling thumbs. shit isnt slow bc they need more motivation. its slow bc they have a bare bones staff of maybe 1-2 ppl & all else is contracted work they barely have the cash for.

"right now basically nothing ever gets done" & you think adding a few dates to a list would fix that? you think they dont know theyre falling behind? that its not obvious? as if they dont already have internal set dates they aim for that just havent been shared w the userbase? 

they dont need more motivation or accountability. they need more staff & more funds. all the accountability in the world cant add extra hours in the day. you can be working as hard as you possibly can & still not meet deadline bc its just not humaenly possible w the resources you have. look at the underlying problem instead of just surface optics.

they could put dates just to placate yall. but it would be an empty gesture. theyd still be just as behind as always bc the dates are not tackling the base issue. itd be the same old shit but more to get mad abt as they still fail to meet dates you asked them to set.

some of yallve never worked on large amateur creative ventures & it shows lmao. youd be amazed how fast a few months can go by & youre only doing background shit so theres still no visible progress you can share publicly. you worked every single day but still feel theres nothing tangible enough to show for it. a few months can go by fast esp when you dont have just one job & are juggling 10 different tasks w simultaneous importance bc its just you or mayb 1 other person taking on 6 ppl worth of work. 

 just remember were all looking from the outside. theres always backend stuff goign on we never know abt. (i know. ironically im making assumption too. but its based on so much experience w these sorts of teams. dv has all the signs. plus context clues given on stream & rare times staff communicates. textbook understaffed scope creepy amateur project tbh.) 

if this were neopets or some shit own by a large company w hundreds of employees maybe itd be different. but some of yall are always gonna be miserable if you dont manage your expectations. see it for what it is instead of what you want it to be. & sometimes look at whats been accomplished. they DO get stuff done. theyre not dropping 80 updates a month, but to me it looks like they make slow steady progress. miss goals but do follow up eventually. they are literally completing tasks. & show signs of taking feedback into account. just not at the speed ppl want. 

criticism makes for a better convo topic bc negative emotional response sticks in the brain longer. but were always gonna have bias if we dont appreciate good shit too. sometimes theres an attitude like "okay cool i like this, now wheres the NEXT thing" or "great finally an improvement, now why isnt THIS other thing fixed?". moving on to the next thing so quick you dont notice the effort of whats in front of you.

but once you match dvs pace & get what postion theyre coming from its not terrible. i have plenty of criticisms from a project management perspective. but in terms of other aspects ive a more lenient view considering what theyre likely working w (esp not having a dev or anyone who codes as part of core staff. im surprised theyve been able to keep afloat this long even lmao)

you dont hold an amateur experimental musician to the same standards as an international pop star w a whole team behind them, yea? but the amateur is not inherently worse, or less worthy of support. you can still enjoy both, just recognizing theyre different things. i see the vision of the amateur & choose to support patiently knowing its got a different pace than the pop idol. theyre at different spots in their career timeline & will have their own unique issues based on that. but both can be plenty good. context matters.

  TLDR; there is much staff can do better at ofc (namely communication & interpretation of user feedback (like not knowing in the first place that "roadmap" usually implies dates -_-). but imo dates are not gonna fix shit bc lack of "motivation" is def not the core issue. such focus on the dates is thus unhelpful. i think some of yall dont get where dv is actually at & then put up expectations that are built to fail bc of that. not saying to let everything slide. but yk. appreciate the good where it happens. have patience. be aware what the underlying problems actually are & contextualize. tempering realistic expectations will make you much happier & able to enjoy the game for what it is.

or idk. i personaly used to be one of the main harsher critics so much i almost quit dv entirely & this perspective helped ME at least lmfao. now i play regularly much less stressed/angry abt it. ymmv.

[mapsofnonexistentplacesremade]

QUESTIONSSSS (you can pick and choose I intentionally put a lot of them)

1 and 41 for Olja 2 for all of Cassiopea, Dalisay and Beatrix 6 for Freya, Somsak and Marjolaine 7 THE GHOSTS 👍 13 Isel and Valerie 37 Peixin

DOING ALL OF THESE. HEH

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do? (olzhas)

god probably like 5 minutes. e's usually extremely organised about eir day (to the point where like first thing e does in the morning is arrange a schedule/checklist of things to do) and in like the little moments where e's got nothing to do e will just run through things e's been working on and just like. progress from where e last left off even if it wasn't in the day's plan. conversely when e's like in a situation where e just Has to sit still and do nothing e'll get extremely antsy and stressed. like e hates waiting in line for things and will just like. complain to emself in eir mind about it. just gets soo annoyed

41. How do they feel about children? (olzhas)

oughh e's got the thing where e like. believes e's a bad influence and is just irrationally scared of coming into contact with them but e's like quite literally one of the most responsible people out of the entire cast and could like. decently look after a child. e's not fond of very young kids but like. e's got that 'really good grade school teacher' type temperament and is consciously way less abrasive around younger people than e is with anyone else just because e's like. very aware of eir position as an older guy who has the ability to maintain maturity even if the younger person e's talking to can't. and e's not like mean about it. thinking about it textually e is very attentive to like. somsak and dalisay in that precise way. though theyre older teens so it is just like. general respect for young people i think. i do think the entire teacher comparison is apt like e could not stand to be a primary caretaker but would both like. be good at and enjoy just supporting children in a more auxiliary manner

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh? (freya, olzhas, isel, dalisay, beatrix)

OUGHH okay so. freya and isel both have the thing of just like. being overly jolly and whimsical all the time. will literally just laugh in the middle of a conversation, whether because they just like randomly remember something funny or quite literally just to fill empty air. and theyre just kind of like that naturally but its like even worse when theyre together because theyre trying to make each other laugh and theyve got like. very good sense about it. they'll just drop in an inside joke and the other will howl with laughter soooo fucking easily and they will make each other laugh by laughing. so its just the worst ouroboros ever.

olzhas is kind of an outlier in cassiopeia in that regard because e likes to be all serious and most of like. the 'laughing' e does casually is sarcastic or dismissive. just like a heh when someone says something stupid to em. BUT when e's with isel and freya e's just completely touched by their senses of humor. so much so e's just regularly brought to tears or lightheadedness over stupid bits. niceys to me....

dalisay is the type of person to like. rarely laugh out loud but sie actually is humored really easily by completely innocuous things. often just hir own thoughts are enough to get hir to smile but like. it takes a lot to even get hir to giggle. stupid programming jokes are often what works

beatrix laughs super easily but its often like. ingenuine or just an absentminded thing he does without much thought. will laugh very easily at very stupid jokes told by anyone though and hes a bit embarrassed about it

6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable? (freya, somsak, marjolaine)

WELL considering somsak broke multiple to get onto the train i think none of them mean anything to him. freya's also generally just like. 'follows the rules so long as they benefit her' type person, but once one gets in the way she will like. find a way to tiptoe around it. she kind of just finds the overall idea of like 'oh yeah heres immutable things you MUST follow because some greater authority said so' kind of stupid so. again doesnt have much respect for rules in general if they dont make sense to her.

marjolaine though.... kind of touchy for him lol. has the thing of being just like. compete coward pacifist type guy and will just hide between frameworks. would probably bring them up if someone goes against them but will also like. disobey the same one and expect nobody to comment on it. just weird contradictions...

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling? (fornax ghosts)

HEY. answering this one some other time because ill have to think about it and get sad but as a general blanket answer just like. stuff that reminds them of where they used to live. like cas will always just adore crowded cities thuyết will always be deeply fond of seaside views.... everyone has probably spent some time just like visiting their hometowns and stuff through fornax and its very bittersweet.

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color? (isel, valerie)

GOD isel has a stupid thing where he probably thinks he looks great in like. green or something. but he's like "oh its such a good color on me i have to save it for special occasions. i can wear a green dress once a year to dazzle everyone" whatever the fuck and its just like. completely mid in the end. people are way too used to him wearing warm colors. so am i

valerie is a bit more sensible about it and indeed thinks like. pinks and purples are good on them. is probably very particular about shades like theyre picky about their purples being blue-ish and the pinks leaning on magenta, usually doesnt like very faint pastel tones... shit like that. but they can balance practically anything and make it look nice haha

37. Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? (peixin)

hmm i think its a bit less straightforward and its like. they will remember things IF they apply a weird rhythm to the way they list things. weird thing to explain so i will be blunt about it its based on a thing i have where i can just instinctually tell if i have listed 8 of something because my inflection changes due to like. compulsions of having to count to 8 and i just slip into it when listing stuff mentally. so probably has something like that LOL doesnt really have any tricks for remembering specifics but is good with amounts

[midwestdiscontent24]

So im back

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone you know you should like but you just cant bring yourself to fall in love with them, even though they love you in a way nobody else ever has? Thats the nightmare im currently living.

Im sure i sound like a real bitch for saying this, but i dont love my boyfriend. Not even a little bit. Its a combination of his looks and every single story hes told me about his life. And also the way his house is.

He lives in what could be a very nice house but unfortunately he shares it with 2 of his friends who live the exact same way he does, which i guess is the same way most men in their twenties live. All three of them stay in their rooms and play video games. All day. They only leave their rooms to go to work, get food, or use the bathroom; and honestly i wouldnt put it past any of them to keep an empty 2 liter next to their desk to piss in. One of them (not my boyfriend) keeps his pocket pussy in the communal bathroom. WHYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?! Thats literally one of the nastiest things ive ever heard. Theres a tub of sour cream in the bottom of the fridge from the previous owners. Theyve been in that house for almost 3 years, know its there, and yet they just toss it back in the fridge and say theyll deal with it later. I cant make this shit up.

My boyfriend though, is a fucking freak weirdo. To begin with, it took us dating for 6 months to even have any sort of intimate contact. And when we finally did, big shock, it was awful. I literally went dry while he was inside of me and had to pretend i was drunk to cover up the fact that im so repulsed by him that i cant stay wet. That has been the only time we've fucked. Its 2 months later.

It drives me fucking crazy. My last relationship lasted 4 months and i felt more in love then than i ever have now. And thats depressing as fuck. It just really is. I need someone i have passion with. One of my favorite things is just making out with someone. And i feel like my chances to do that with people is just fleeting as im getting older. And i mean im not really that old yet, but it feels like i am. I just have no passion, lust, love, anything with this guy.

Ive been wanting to break up with him for awhile and i was finally gonna do it after putting it off for a few months and his fucking grandma died today. Because of course thats how it would go. I swear to god sometimes it feels like im being cosmically punished by some higher being.

Aside from my boring awful relationship, ive got some rebound prospects on the horizon. Four of them, to be more specific. Well, i guess 3, could be 4 if one of them got their head out of their ass. And i shouldnt even say relationship, its definitely more situationship/hookup. All guys from my past, obviously. And of course theres one that i want more than any of them and that would be my friend jordan.

I cannot even begin to tell you how long ive liked him and wanted to date him. I want him in a way that makes me feel the longing of a thousand lifetimes and whenever he gets a girlfriend next im gonna kill her, him, and then myself. It goes beyond lust with him, because for the longest time i told myself thats all it was. But about a month ago, he was over at my apartment and he cried in front of me. Multiple times. If any other guy did that, i would immediately get the ick. But i didnt with him. I sat there and comforted him and held him and told him it would all be ok.

And whats been my thanks for that? Being left on read for like 4 weeks. Its like, ok fuck me, cool got it.

God i need to talk about something else. I need to stop talking about him and thinking about him all the time. Its literally pathetic. Ive asked him so many times to just point blank tell me he just wants to fuck; that way i can let go of any notion that we could end up dating and i can remove myself from him in that way. But he wont. And i dont know why. it hurts so much that he cant even do that for me. Despite it all, if he were to mesage me right now and ask if he could come over i would let him. I would let him gut me like a fish and eat my liver and kidneys and other organs if he said he was that hungry. I really would.

[redorich]

'The egg told me to, and I listened - why did I listen?' Oh my god that just tore my heart out. Jesus Red, you can't just write that and then FOLLOW UP WITH AN ABSOLUTELY DESOLATE PORTRAYAL OF THE OTHER EGG MEMBERS COMMING TO GRIPS WITH WHAT THEYVE DONE. I am devastated. And its your fault.

Can I perhaps request a small crumb of hope for them? Maybe Bad and Skeppy meet and Bad falls to his knees, collapsing yet again under the reality of what he's done to Skeppy, throat chocked with horror and apologies that come to late and mean to little? And yet, despite everything, Skeppy takes a step towards him? A small ray of hope for them? For all of them, as they come together with each other and those they have hurt and try to cope and make amends? Pwease???

this is canon sorry fidget please dont kill me

(ok but for real now)

It starts out small. Little things are left on Skeppy's doorstep: a peony, a diamond, a pair of fuzzy socks. Skeppy doesn't have to take them, but he does. He takes Bad's little peace offerings, and it douses Skeppy in a hollow, cold anger every time he wakes up in the morning to see that Bad's gone through the effort to leave a trinket on the doorstep of the mansion they built together. It means Bad was here some time in the middle of the night and he didn't bother to see Skeppy face-to-face.

The house is devoid of furniture, devoid of any living touch that makes it a home. They hadn't gotten to that part yet, not before the Egg happened. It kills Skeppy inside to exist day after day in the hollow shell of what he and Bad made together. It's not like Skeppy couldn't just move out; he could live with someone else, make a new home all by his lonesome, or just straight up disappear into the woods. With Bad avoiding him, though, this is all Skeppy has left.

When wind whistles through the cracks in the glass late at night, snakes around the staircase, and gently rustles the bushes outside, Skeppy indulges in the sickening idea that perhaps Bad doesn't regret killing Skeppy as much as one might think, that the Egg didn't have to coerce him that much, that this has all been some prank to get back at the man who's always making a joke at someone else's expense. In the light of day Skeppy is more sure, knows that Bad cares about him, but what Skeppy needs now more than ever is support. The house is far too empty.

Skeppy sits up all night, more than once, just watching the doorstep and waiting for Bad to show up. He doesn't, until he does.

In the few moments it takes Skeppy to go inside for a blanket and come back to the doorstep, Bad hops down from the roof above and lands quietly on the stairs. He's crouched down to the ground, holding a blueberry muffin, when Skeppy returns. They lock eyes and Bad freezes.

Skeppy wants to say a million things and has no words for any of them. His jaw remains clamped shut; he doesn't know what'll come spilling out of it otherwise.

"...Hey," Bad finally says. He pauses for a long while, then follows up with, "Sorry. For not coming sooner."

Skeppy watches Bad stand, eyes half-lidded and apathetic. "If I hadn't caught you, would we even be talking right now?"

"Probably not," the demon admits with a wince. "I'm sorry, I just--"

"Do you even care that you killed me?" Skeppy demands. It's like a stopper has been loosed from his throat, and all the words are tumbling out. "Why did you leave me alone?"

Bad takes a step back, holding the muffin to his chest. "...I'm sorry."

"Did you even think about me, Bad? I missed you, and I'm so mad at you for avoiding me, and-- and--" Skeppy clutches the blanket around his shoulders. The wind blows stronger, and silent lightning flashes in the clouds far away.

"I'm sorry," Bad repeats.

"Stop apologizing!" Skeppy yells, both angry and defeated. "Just... just tell me why."

The demon fidgets under the weight of Skeppy's disapproval. "When I realized what I did to you, I was so horrified, Skeppy... and I was scared. I didn't want to hurt you again."

"You did."

Bad winces again. "I know. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

Skeppy's shoulders slump. "Don't leave me alone," he says softly.

"I won't," Bad swears, "never again. I'm so sorry, Skeppy."

Reaching out for a hug, then faltering at the possibility of rejection, Bad's arms hang awkwardly in the air. Skeppy huffs, tossing the blanket about his shoulders around Bad as well.

"Are we... still friends?" Bad asks hesitantly.

"Stupid," Skeppy says. "Of course we are."

[ohbae-me]

okay so, im about to go ham because i truly stand strong in my shoujo fantasy.

In my opinion, im pretty sure (like 89%) lucifer tells us that whenever mammon breaks off a relationship with someone, they go broke completely after. so hes had previous relationships before, as for the rest of the boys, im pretty sure lucifer has, but nothing serious, he wont let anyone in, MC is literally the only person who has pushed past his walls and seen him for more than pride. satan, 100% he has never had a relationship, levi, has had a couple of fwbs and other relationships but they always fizzle out, never lasting. asmo has never had a serious relationship, always just flings. belphie never had a serious relationship and same with beel. i truly believe MC is their first true loves, i know what youre thinking "theyve been alive for so long, theres no way someone couldnt have been special to them" but the thing is, theyre so different with MC; their entire dynamic and relationships changed with MC, MC saw them for more than their sin and got to know them to their very core, while yes the other relationships never lasted, thats not to say the boys didnt love them; but just not in the way they love MC. i believe MC to be a true love, not just a love, the difference for me is all of the boys would gladly give up chasing MC once she finds herself happy with another brother, instead of forcing them to choose yk? the "as long as youre happy, it kills me everytime i look at you smile at him, but i love you too much to let you be miserable with me" and i dont think any of them have experienced. also, with the whole "new relationship" thing, the honey moon phase, while yes every couple has it, i feel like with MC it would just, last. not to say they wouldnt have fights; ofc they would, but its different with MC, everyday the brothers would wake up and chose the option to love and fall in love all over again, speaking further on that, i dont think any of them would truly get over MC. and i mean that; (i dont think MC is going to die, obey me devs have something planned LOL, plus theyre super powerful, like the other anon said i dont think theyd be able to really function without them, even if they do "get over" mcs death at some point.) after MC dies i feel like the family dynamic wouldnt be the same, the brothers would get quieter and would never truly forget about it? and every relationship would fail because theyre not MC (you dont have to agree but i love reverse harems), like i 100% hc that after MC chooses another brother or after they die, mammon would try and try to find new flings, even after its been decades mammon finds someone whos super similar to MC, their look, personality, etc, but one wrong move and theyre out. (say MC doesnt like pickles, but the replacement for MC does, he would immediately start crying and call mc a stupid human who he shouldnt have fallen for.) anyways in conclusion, i truly dont think MC would ever die canonically in the obey me game, the devs are sneaky (love you devs), but even if they would, i really feel like they would never get truly over it. some part of me truly believes that the brothers would go back to being distant, how they were before. they would sit at the table and eat in silence, asmo would begin partying ten times harder (since we already know he uses his ego to cover up his major insecurity of people not liking him and how he feels about himself) and the brothers would become even more indugled in their sin. also, for every relationship they would have, they would just compare them to MC, and yeah but I cannot see MC dying. the other stuff about what the brothers would be like after MC dies could also be applied to when MC chooses her s/o. i think the brothers would be super fucking hurt, that was their first love, their first understanding who walked out and chose someone who wasnt them. anyways thats all, you dont have to reply i just felt like i needed to get this off of my chest, also im gonna be pretty frequent on your blog ( i love ur writing ) so im gonna call myself cake anon! have a great day! - cake anon

Hello Cake! iluuu! Thanks for this, i really love getting every ones take on these things! And there is defs a lot that i agree with here. 

I agree with the Mammon part. Out of all of the brothers, i feel he is probably the easiest to get emotionally attached in a relationship, so i see him as the one with the most previous relationships. Asmo coming in second, but his being mostly flings or poly/open relationships. I’m sure Mammon has had some serious ones as well as many flings, where Asmo’s have never been overly serious and certainly never long lasting. I’m also sure Luci has had a few, some more serious than others, but he wouldn’t get overly attached emotionally. I’m sure he’d be too busy with Diavolo since arriving, being the workaholic he is. I’m sure not many partners would be willing to deal with that level of non-commitment and emotional unavailability from him.Levi I feel like all his relationships never left that awkward early stage, and his only ‘serious’ relationships would have been strictly online, maybe a couple meetups that made him nope right out of it. Satan, again, has probably just gone on some casual dates but didn’t have much interest in actually dating rather than gaining connections. i feel like Beel is the most likely candidate to have had healthy previous relationships. He is pretty well balanced emotionally and has a good outlook on love and family values. I’m sure he’s had a few serious relationships and has dated his share of people. Belphie gives me vibes of had one or two previous serious relationships that did not end well at all and now he’s a salty sob over it lmao. 

I still don’t feel like MC is necessarily their first true love, but maybe the first different kind of love for them. MC has reached them in ways no one else has, they don’t try to change anything, they fit in well with the whole family, they understand their sins etc. I have loved a few different people in my life, and each one was such a different experience for me. The first guy i loved, i consider to be my first true love. However, it didn’t work. And then i met the man I eventually married, he wasn’t my first true love, but it was a better kind of love, yk? 

And uugghh you ripped my heart out with how the brothers would feel if MC chose a different brother!!!! Because they all would be so heartbroken it’s not them, but they really truly just want mc to be happy and cared for, and they know their brother would keep them safe and provide well. 

A few asks ago, i mentioned that the brothers would move on eventually. I think there is a big difference in moving on and getting over that I maybe didn’t articulate very well. If MC were to die or choose someone else, they would move on eventually, but they might not ever really get over it. My heart hurts just thinking about how they would feel trying to move on. Like you mentioned, the empty, quiet dinner tables, lackluster parties and festivals, it would be like they lost their best friend. (i giggled picturing your mammon scenario with the pickle because that’s exactly how he’d react to something so small lmaooo)

I also agree that i don’t think the devs will kill mc off (again), that just seems like a really crappy way to end the game!! I’m curious to see how they would make different routes go if you can only romance one of them end game, vs you being able to have them all? I wonder if we’d get a choice in the whole becoming immortal thing or not? 

Sorry if this reply was too long and rambly, i absolutely love discussing these kinds of things!! I always welcome these asks!!! 

[lightsaberupmybutt]

Three’s a Crowd - Reader/Ben Solo/Poe Damerson (Modern AU)

alright so Ben/Kylo is a big ego kid in this, because of course. Also, Rey is ACTUALLY Lukes daughter in this, making them cousins. Ive fiddled with the plot okay sue me. 

Summary: Poe, Finn and their roommate have been living in a harmonious tenancy, but when Finn decides to move out for a year of travelling, the two are left with no option but to look elsewhere for their third body. Rey Skywalker, a friend of the group, proposes her cousin for the role. He's in a band, wears all black and all in all is somewhat of a social reject - but he's also all theyve got.  

“I think that one was actually somehow worse than last weeks” You tell Poe, as he pours himself a juice and settles down next to you on the sofa. You'd just finished showing around another possible roommate and you felt exhausted in every sense of the word. 

“How can he be worse than the neo nazi?” Poe shot you an unbelieving look and rolled his eyes, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table and knocking some of your papers in his wake. 

“Alex was a she, and they asked if they could hang their deer head in the front room” you grimaced even thinking about it, weren't all artsy college students supposed to be vegetarians anyway? why did you have to get saddled with the only blood thirsty one on campus. 

“Thats not so bad”

“Poe she showed me a picture of her taxidermied cat”

“Oh”

You had tried to find a polite way to stop her from passing you her phone, but you were too nice to make her feel uncomfortable, and now the image of the long dead tabby would remain behind your eyes for god knows how long. 

“was she hot?” You shook your head, causing Poe to sigh wistfully. 

“Not hot enough to cancel out her obsession with dead bodies anyway” you informed him, the hopeful look from his eyes gone. 

“Face it Poe, were doomed” You let your head fall into your hands, Poe letting out a laugh before wrapping his arm around your shoulder. 

“Hey we’ll get someone! who wouldn't want to live here?” You knew his question was rhetorical but when looking around the cleaner than usual flat, you had to admit it was missing something. Bare spaces on the walls from where Finn had taken down his pictures, the empty side of the kitchen counter that had once houses his overpriced coffees. You even missed picking up his empty cups after him, the room feeling like it had less character without them. It truly hadn't felt the same in the flat since Finn had left, and although Poe concealed it well, you could see it was getting to him too. Poe had, after all, known Finn first; Finn managing to get a very drunk and outspoken Poe out of a sticky situation he had found himself in when running across a local gang in a dive bar. The ‘first order’ as they so called themselves, had an infamous reputation around campus for being trouble makers and general doers of bad deeds. Ever since that night they had been an unstoppable duo, until they met you of course, and their duo became three. 

You loved Finn, and you knew told miss him like hell, but you also knew that Poe must be feeling that ten times over. 

“You wanna do something tonight?” You asked, changing the subject before his mind  drifted to where yours had. 

“what kind of something?” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, 

“Gross” 

“hey I'm serious!”

“what about Razor Crest, they are open late, we could grab some drinks and meet up with some people” 

Razor crest was the only worth while bar in town; it was certainly nothing to write home about, but it played fairly decent music and it had a marginally less sticky floor than others. Additionally, your other friends lived just over from the humble saloon, making it the perfect watering hole for you guys. 

It didn't take much convincing before you had Poe out the door and ready to socialise. Upon arrival, he headed to the bar while you were waved over by Rey, who had already found a booth and was already at least a few drinks in. 

“Look, i think i have a solution to your roomie problemo” She told you, peeking over her straw, a gleam in her eye that made you feel not all too confident in her yet to be spoken plan. 

“Go on” you told her, cautiously. 

“My cousins back in town” She told you between gulps. 

“The weird one?” You asked, 

“Hes not weird, just ...eccentric” the last word was more of a question, but you could tell she was on a roll, 

“He's just joined one of the college bands and Auntie Leia says him and Uncle Han are butting heads” 

“ah cool, weve always wanted  live music in our own flat at 2 am” Poe injected, rejoining the table and placing a drink in front of you before taking a sip of his own. 

“hes not BAD at it, he just plays loud i think” She corrected him, “anyway, he's not a total twat, I'm sure he would be considerate of your sleep schedules” 

“didn't he try and stab you with a stick when you were five” you asked her, you'd heard stories of this cousin before and none of them were quite savoury, 

“that was ages ago! he's like way old now” she was starting to slur her words, but you had a feeling this was something Rey was quite set on. Rey was stubborn, and when she got something in mind she would move hell to make it happen; she was also your best friend, and someone you trusted the judgment off. Had she gotten you into some weird shit in the past? sure. 

Did you have any other options; nay on that. 

“Fine, get Han or Leia to bring him round at some point next week and one of us will give him a tour” You tell her, and she lets out a little happy shrill at her own personal win. Poe, not so much. 

“Speak for yourself, weirdo cousin can see himself around” he crosses his arms and pouts, you give him a little nudge. 

“Hey, maybe you'll be best mates” you offer, but when he shoots you a death stare you go back to your drink.

The family turmoil must have been more vicious than Rey had let in on; It was barely the next morning before you had a tall, intimidating male knocking on your door. 

“Hey!” you offered him, in as cheery a voice as your hung over self would allow.

He looked down at you from his towering height, but gave no verbal response. 

“You must be Ben?...”  He offered you the slightest nod you'd had ever seen in response. Okay so, not much of a talker, noted. 

You waved him in, shutting the door behind him. God, he looked even bigger inside? is that possible? Rey had failed to mention the sheer height on the boy. You'd seen pictures of her and her aunt and uncle, it seemed like Ben was a scientific and biological mystery. Like how did he get clothes to fit? did he have to shop somewhere special or

you were snapped out of your thoughts by a clearing of a throat. 

“So, how much is the rent” so he DID have a voice, 

You informed him automatically, still part dazed. 

“Ill be in by the weekend” he told you, and with a nod he moved past you, making his way back to the door.

“But wait .. y .. you haven't even seen your room yet?” You stumbled, dumbfound by the lack of foreplay. The previous people you had shown around were full of questions; they wanted to know the ins and outs of the place. Ben had seen all of the door way and the front room and he was already signing the lease. 

“See you then” he didn't stop, hand on the door knob as if you hadn't spoken.

“But i don't have your phone number” you don't know why that came to you first, but it was true. At no point had Rey offered you direct contact with Ben, probably assuming he would. It seemed reasonable, that you'd need his number before he moved in, didn't it? Poe was always texting you about random shit in the flat, arguably too much, but it seemed like the norm for people coexisting in such a small space. 

He turned back at you and gave you a confused look, 

“why would you need my number?”

“erm... to talk to you” your condescending tone not completely masked, 

“but ill be living here” he stated, which, he had you there. 

Before you could even think of a response  he was out the door.

True to his word, Ben had his things over by that very same weekend. Although it was unsurprising considering just how light he packed. In fact, other than his bass and musical equipment, you couldn't really think of anything he had actually brought with him to the flat. You got to meet his parents when they dropped him off, both of whom seemed leaps and bounds more conversational than their son. Ironically, you got Leia’s phone number before her sons; her telling you to message if you ever needed anything. It felt like an indirect jab at Ben, a ‘if he fucks up let me know’, but you digress. The tension between Ben and his dad was blatantly obvious, them sharing no words before he got back into the car and Ben into the house. He did give his mum a small hug goodbye though, and you thought you saw a small tear in her eye before she managed to wipe it away. 

Since his move in, Ben had kept painfully to himself. You barely saw him at all in those first days, just heard him through the walls the odd time he dropped something - or saw a plate or cup gone from their places in the kitchen. To be honest , it felt more like a paranormal haunting than a new roommate. Poe was vocal of his apprehension to the situation, sharing glances with you when you would both be in the living room and you'd see ben scurry by or passive aggressively texting you when his favourite cup had been used by someone who wasn't him. it was a relatively small issue, but Poe had blown it so out of proportion that you had ordered a new set of cups from Amazon and sent him the link, shutting him up for a while before he found something else to complain about.

it was the fifth day before you actually bumped into ben again. He was on the sofa with his base set up, twiddling with his amp. The sight surprised you so much you physically jumped back, causing him to look up. crap. act cool. act cool. 

“hey” you offered him

“hi” hi replied back, looking back down at his amp. 

right, yer. his space, give him his space. Just get your stuff and go back to your room. don't speak to him, leave him alone. he clearly wants to be left alone. 

“nice day isn't it” you wanted to cover your mouth, the words coming out against your will. Truthfully, you had no clue why you said it. You hadn't even looked at the weather this morning. Its just what people say right? 

“Erm” his eyes shot to the window and then back to yours,”no”

sure enough, it was pissing it down outside. The sky was actually comically grey and you'd have laughed if you werent so angry at yourself. You were unsure of what to do, and he was still looking at you, almost assessing you. His eyes were so serious and dark they felt like they were burning tiny holes into your skin. shit, you had to speak now right?

While regretting every single life decision that had brought you into this kitchen at this time, Poe sauntered into the room like your night in shining armour, ignoring Ben all together and coming straight over to you, placing a big arm around your shoulders. You saw Ben drop his head back down to this bass, and you used all your might to not let out a sigh of relief.

“Tonight, I'm taking you out” He offered, a cheeky gleam in his eye. 

“Are you now” 

“Razor crest, drinks and dancing, be there or be square” He lists off as if he's a paid promoter, causing you to let out a giggle. 

“Whos invited?” 

“just the gang” he said, causing you to shoot him an eye roll, knowing full well you ‘gang’ consisted of all of three people, yourself and Poe included in that number. 

but then you remembered, there was another person now, whether they liked it or not. Poe’s eyes followed yours to Ben and then back to meet yours again, you saw the realisation change to disgust, as he shook his head silently at you. 

you knew this look, the ‘don't you dare’ look, the ‘not in 1000 years’ look. But you couldn't help it, your lips were moving before you could stop them for the second time this morning. 

“Are you free tonight, Ben?’

The look of sheer betrayal on Poe's face made you wince, surely he'd understand right? he knew you well enough to know your verbal diarrhoea  problem. 

Ben didn't even look up, but he did let out a small laugh that felt quite antagonistic. 

“i dont go to Razor Crest” 

“i don't go to razor crest ugh” Poe mocked, causing Rey to let out a hysterical giggle, and you a sigh. 

You'd been out for all of three hours and you were all already feeling the effects of the alcohol. It was late and the bar was jam packed with students all raring to go. Poe had been making eyes at one particular red head  almost all night and you were half surprised he hadn't already made his move. Poe put out, it was a fact. You and Finn had at one time made a fridge chart for him, a gold star awarded every time he brought  girl home. Whether the goal was to make him feel proud of his conquests or embarrassed, you still weren't 100% sure, but after a month or so you had both lost count and given up. You told yourself it didn't bother you, that he was just a friend, and that he owed you nothing, but every time he left you at the bar for another girl something stung inside; something you pushed deep down but regrettably was still there none the less. 

Sure enough, as the night progressed, you and Rey ended up fending for it alone, and instead of feeling sorry for yourself you decided to do the responsible thing and drink more. 

After the third round of shots, Rey calls it in. 

“I think I'm gonna be sick” she tells you sheepishly, and you can't help but belly laugh in response. She starts to shuffle towards the door and you go to follow.

“Hey don't leave on my behalf” she tells you earnestly, but you wave her off. 

“Nah I've had my fill, I'm starting to forget which flat number i live at” you tell her, causing her to giggle this time. 

You both stumble out the bar, past the smokers and up the cobbled road towards her flat. She unlocks her door and lets herself in, not before giving you a drunken hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek. 

As you ready yourself to make your way back to your own flat, you come back past the bar entrance; a particularly prominent cobble causes you to trip ever so slightly and gain a whoop from a group of boys who were passing round a box of marlboro straights. 

You suddenly realised just how dark it was and just how alone you were. Most nights you wouldn't stay out this late, and if you did, then you'd normally be walking back with finn. You let out a shiver, a mix of both the cold night air finally breaking through your drunken daze and a smidge of fear. The Razor Crests entrance lights were getting progressively further away, and although you know that you only had a maximum of a half mile walk back to your home, it felt like ample distance to get kidnapped or murdered in, most probably both. 

How many true crime stories started with a young drunk girl, scantily clad and out alone at night? You could hear the police reports now, which photo would they use? you prayed it would be a hot one, at the very least one after your thin brow phase. 

Being literally bumped back into reality, in almost a cruel humorous way, you felt yourself walk head first into a figure, their arms coming out to catch you as the sheer momentum bounced you back. 

Oh god, I'm dead. I'm literally going to die.  

“Hey, chill out” The voice made your heart beat both slow and race again, 

“Ben?!” you shrieked, voice hoarse through pure anticipation of your thought to be demise 

“Are you okay” he asked, and only then did you realise you were shaking like a leaf. 

“Im fine” you let out in a small voice, looking down at your shoes. You could feel the redness in your cheeks through pure embarrassment alone. This was not an ideal situation for him to see you in, and you kind of started to with that he had been a murderer, at least then you wouldn't have to deal with the second hand embarrassment in the morning. 

“What are you doing out here”

“why are you out alone” 

you both asked simultaneously,

“I was coming out for a smoke” He told you, flashing his tobacco pouch at you from inside his coat. His very warm looking coat, might you add. Another shiver ran down your body. 

“Im coming home from Razor Crest” you tell him, trying to be matter of fact but slurring your words just enough to spoil the show. 

“Yes obviously, but why are you alone” he shoots back in some what of a patronising tone, it wouldn't sit well with sober you and it definitely doesn't go down well with drunk you. 

“Im a big girl” 

“clearly” he makes, making extra sure to look you up and down from his towering distance above you, causing you to huff. 

“well i can take care of myself” 

“you shouldn't be out alone around here, its not safe” he ignores your response, looking you dead in the eye. 

You feel something inside you flutter, a warmth that you can't quite control. Okay, ben might be weird and a bit annoying it would seem, but he was handsome, thats for sure. The limited light danced off his strong features and dark shaggy mop of hair, making him look both dangerous and appealing. 

As if you were standing here mentally flirting with the idea of being with Res cousin; you made a mental note to punish yourself for the ludicrous thoughts in the morning. 

“Okay well I'm going home now” you tell him, attempting to push past him, but his large hand finds its way to your forearm and pulls you back,

“yes, you are, come on” If what he said before was patronising, he was now speaking to you like you were a dog he was walking. 

“go have your nicotine, ive got this one covered” you tell him with a mock salute, causing him to roll his eyes. He lets go of your arm and you take your win, trying to step confidently away without falling. You're proud of yourself for handling the situation when you realise he's following all  of 10 steps behind you, rolling a cigarette in his hands while holding a filter between his teeth. 

when he catches you looking, he nods down to his hands, 

“want one?” he mumbles between his lips, still holding the filter pride of place. 

“no thanks” you snap, picking up pace. 

Ben smirks at you, but you miss it, too focused on not embarrassing yourself and keeping your feet in line. 

[vegetalass]

I know you're not around much these days but if you ever decide to make a come back, I dont suppose youd do some HC about the rdr2 guys and times theyve got caught mastyrbating around camp? I love your thoughts so much they're hilarious and cute ☺👉👈

This ask is very sweet and I like the idea so I will do it... thanks for your kind words and making me smile, anon!!🥺❤️😘

Find me at @ihatebnha

Hope you enjoy!! 

-

Arthur 

Used to get caught a lot more than he does now

Because of such, Dutch and Hosea don’t really care on the rare occasion they do catch him just because it was pretty common when he was younger

They laugh about it between themselves 

And when caught, Arthur just pretends it didn’t happen

He’s like, “I don’t touch myself, Jesus, who do you think I am?” 

Or if John jokingly is like, “Saw you the other day, what were you thinking about?” Arthur just plays stupid

Stuff like “See me where?” or “See me what?” 

And if the subject is pushed it turns into fighting (Arthur saying that John isn’t much better)

Arthur thanks the lord every day that Micah has never caught him in the act because he knows he’d never be able to live it down

And if a girl caught him… he’d probably never be able to look them in the eyes again

Probably jacks off being going to sleep or if he’s alone at camp

John 

He has a lot less shame about masturbating, but he’s definitely even more private about the subject than Arthur 

He doesn’t really deny it, but he definitely pulls a “You didn’t see shit!!” Even if the person very obviously DID

Also probably gets caught more than not… It’s just at this point, people have stopped commenting on it 

Dutch definitely jokingly plays the “Poor Abigail…” card all the time

It makes John (and Abigail) sooooooooo mad 

Honestly, I feel like when people catch him, he yells at them but doesn’t bother to stop

Thinks it’s their fault and not his because it was OBVIOUS what he was doing and they still didn’t bother to check or knock

This has caused fights with almost everyone

It’s a “what did you expect” type moment

The only time he’d ever apologize to is if it’s you or another girl who catches him, and even then he would probably never want to see you again out of embarrassment 

Hence why John probably just leaves camp and finds a secluded area to jerk off now(good luck to those who wander away from the fire) 

Charles 

We love Charles because he just jerks it when he’s bathing in a river or something 

Out of everyone, he’s the least likely to get caught, and on the rare occasion that he is, is also the most willing to laugh it off 

I feel like this is because he’s the one who accidentally catches other people so he knows it’s not a big deal

He’s so quiet no one knows he’s there until it’s too late

Gets called a peeper because of this… even though Charles doesn’t want to catch people any more than they want to be caught 

If a girl caught him, he’d try to hide himself before approaching them later to formally apologize 

It’s kinda weird… Just be like Arthur and pretend it didn’t happen babe!! 

If Dutch or Micah ever caught him doodling it, they’d never let it go and tease him until wit’s end

“So Charles is human after all!” is the type of shit they’d say and he’d literally want to pass away

Dutch, Molly hasn’t had one single orgasm the entire time she’s been with you so BE QUIET

Most likely to masturbate when he’s bathing or when he’s away from camp and alone on missions

Micah

Everybody at camp has to pray that they don’t catch Micah masturbating

He has no shame and does not care what people see 

He’s the “What? I have needs!” and “You do it, too!” guy... which honestly, isn’t even bad logic

It’s just when people actually walk in on him he doesn’t really seem bothered… which is kinda freaky

If it’s you or heaven forbid, another girl, he says “Quit staring, either help a man out or leave”

And if it’s Arthur or anyone else, “I knew you were a nasty bastard”

Like… Micah… you’re the one who isn’t ashamed!!! 

Too bold for his own good and eventually Dutch probably has to get involved 

They have one of those “man to man” talks where Dutch is like “Micah… You know… Men… We keep our business in private…”

Everyone at camp pretends they’re not eavesdropping on the conversation

It’s the only time Micah listens to complaints, and even though he forces himself to calm down on the lewd rudeness, he is still jacking it off whenever the urge arises

Rubs one out in his tent whenever he feels like it

Dutch

To give Dutch credit for something, he doesn’t jack off very often 

Partially because he gets down with Molly a lot, but also because he considers himself to have dignity and doesn’t want to ruin that 

The only people who’ve really caught him rubbing one out are Hosea and Arthur, and they probably let it go pretty quick after an apology

Most because Dutch is pretty polite about it 

“A man’s business is a man’s business” or some BS like that 

So when he does masturbate, it’s a calculated and timed move that he makes when he’s pretty sure no one is around

Also willing to laugh it off when he catches someone else masturbating, mostly because he raised two teenage boys, so in a way, he’s used to seeing it on the daily

God forbid is another girl catches him, though, because he’d also pull them aside to apologize

LET IT GO, KING!!! 

Jerks off only when he’s desperate and camp is empty

Kieran

King of bad luck 

I can see him with a pretty low libido, but probably gets caught making juice the first time he tries it at camp

He was lucky it was just Charles who saw, who thankfully, didn’t say anything about it

But still, it scares the absolute crap out of him and his desire to jack off gets even lower than it was already 

Probably stupidly thinks that masturbating is dirty or a sin or something that somebody told him when he was a boy

And if a girl ever caught him, even if they didn’t realize what was happening, he’d just have a heart attack and die

Like he’d literally pack up his stuff and go

Everyone at camp: We’ve all seen Micah twisting it so we don’t care

Kieran: UHHHHH 

Also gets teased by Micah and Dutch for it, except their comments are like “Aw, don’t be shy, be a man!” or “I’m sure you’ll find yourself a woman one day…”

Again, Kieran just passes away

Jerks off when he’s alone with the horses in a field and no one is around

Javier 

Hasn’t been caught yet despite the fact that everyone knows he jacks off ALL THE TIME

Kinda proud of himself for this fact, too 

If it’s the middle of the day and he’s in his tent, he’s busy

Usually can his volume to a minimum, but if he knows no one is around, he doesn’t mind letting it out 

Charles, of course, hears it the one time he’s not on a team mission

He’d definitely not going to stop is someone catches him, but he has the decency to cover himself up

Especially if it’s a lady

We like him because he’s not going to acknowledge it happened later but he will apologize in the moment 

Says some shit like, “Sorry, princess…” jdsfhksd

If another guy tries to tease him for it, he’ll take it in stride and just tease back 

Especially because he knows he’s not as bad as Micah or John who get caught ALL THE TIME 

Prefers to rub one out before bed but he’s not really picky as long as it’s in his tent and he has a way to clean up

Sean 

Everyone’s had a run in with Sean when his dick’s been out 

It’s practically a camp joke that everyone has a story about it

He’s another guy who jacks off when bathing in the river, except he’s:

1. Not secretive about it

2. Bathes all the time

Sean leaves the water hole and everyone knows that they shouldn’t go back in there until the water is washed away 

Pretty vocal, too, so you always sorta know when you should avoid certain areas

The only time he’s ever embarrassed is when a girl catches him

Turns bright red, starts stuttering, looking for anything to cover himself up with while apologizing

That being said, he only feels bad because he feels like he ruined his chances of being friendly with them

Gets teased by the other boys for it but enjoys the attention, plus loves teasing right back

“Oh hush you, you love looking at me,” type stuff 

He’s a lil nasty but he keeps it fun and fresh 

Jacks off before bathing, and sometimes in his tent if he’s desperate or is already clean.