#this game is insane truly like absolutely will be remembered as a top 10 game from the 2020s if i have any say on it

[sol-flo]

i unwinded from the hour and a half of getting my brain blasted by violence with the fishing level and while looking at the menu i realized i still haven't beat the crash level. at this point i'm pretty sure getting all P ranks is more likely than me beating 4-S

[paintingwhiteceilings]

❃EXO's chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse❃

A/N: because why have your first post be romantic or suggestive when it can be unserious and downright weird.

Xiumin/Minseok: 9/10

✾ Let’s be honest, this man is way too good at sports not to survive far into a zombie apocalypse. Pretty sure those skills will translate and be useful in some way. He can outrun them so easily that he never truly finds himself in any danger.

✾ Xiumin actually possesses functional brain cells and a good dose of common sense which means he makes good, well thought out, decisions. Unlike the beagle line, he won’t get himself stupidly killed.

✾ Despite all the chaos, he is incredibly organized, keeping precise track of what he has and needs.

✾ He can properly take care of himself and could run this thing solo. He is not dependent on others to do things for him and he strikes me as someone who is perfectly content to be on his own. The only reason he would team up with the others is for the company and because he finds their idiocy amusing.

✾ He has the added bonus that the zombies think he is adorable, like a pet, so they will keep him alive even when he does get caught.

Suho/Junmyeon: 5/10

✾ Remember that time when Suho fell asleep during carting? Yeah, he is beyond exhausted before the apocalypse even starts and will probably die by accidentally falling asleep. Suho will try to ‘rest his eyes’ and before he knows it a zombie is gnawing on his arm.

✾ Honestly trying his hardest to keep the rest of the members from dying, but instead of appreciating his efforts, they keep making fun of him for it. They are really testing his patience but he feels too responsible for their safety to leave them to fend for themselves.

✾ Not that anything he says matters, they never truly listen to him so instead he has to be the one to get them out of the dangerous situations they get themselves in.

✾ If he doesn’t get eaten due to his permanent exhaustion, he would be the type to accept his fate. The members will drive him insane to the point where he will simply give up and walk into a hoard of zombies with open arms.

✾ If you pair him up with his babies Kai and Sehun his survival rate somehow increases. Nobody touches his babies.

Baekhyun: ?/10

✾ Okay, so he either survives until the end or does something stupid and gets himself killed.  His survival rate is either 10/10 or 0/10, there is no in-between.

✾ Like Baekhyun is an ace in most games so he has the ability to outsmart the apocalypse if he puts in the effort. He is competitive enough to take it seriously, too.

✾ His survival truly depends on whether he gives in to his intrusive thoughts and let’s be fair, he has many and zero impulse control.

✾ He would, for instance, believe that he can successfully pretend to be a zombie to blend in with them. He has a lot of dumb ideas and will either act on it himself or get someone else to try it out.

✾ Obviously, his plans wouldn’t work and he, or his chosen guinea pig, would get eaten. Then again, it is Baekhyun and somehow he always manages to come out on top, so who knows, he might survive.

Chen/Jongdae: 6.5/10

✾ Okay, this man is a father so he gets to enjoy the father buff. If his family is with him, he is near unstoppable. Chen can be competitive and has a lot of energy, so technically his chances aren’t too bad.

✾ His main issue is that, well, every zombie and their mother can hear him from the other side of the planet. He is absolutely oblivious as to why the zombies keep finding him.

✾ Like Chen, please use your inner voice, zombies are not deaf and you are giving them your location whenever you talk.

✾ Will ‘accidentally’ push Chanyeol into a zombie when he jokes about being the C in CBX and finally find peace. At this point, he kind of deserves it.

Chanyeol: -10/10

✾ Hear me out, this man is a mess.

✾ Technically, he could survive but he is another one that for sure will listen to his intrusive thoughts. Like let’s be fair, Chanyeol has mastered an array of weird skills just because he can’t stand being bad at something; he will be just as determined to figure out how to survive during an apocalypse.

✾ The type to “I saw this in a film” and try it. He will quickly discover that most of it won’t work because those are movies and not real life. Still, he will have the biggest motivation to figure things out, even if most of his sources are fiction.

✾ The problem is that he is way too much into this whole apocalypse scenario. He will try to out-apocalypse the others or will make up some sort of stupid competition to kill time because sitting still for five minutes is for losers.

✾ He comes up with the “Who can get closest to the zombie without getting killed” game. Baekhyun might have helped.

✾ To be honest, it doesn’t quite matter how good his cards are in the context of a zombie apocalypse, he will probably die within a day because he has two left feet and a very intimate relationship with the floor.

D.O./Kyungsoo: 7/10

✾ Pair him up with another member, and suddenly their chances increase.

✾ His cooking skills make him so incredibly valuable. He will make sure no one starves, and can make a decent meal out of pretty much anything you give him.

✾ The others try their hardest to keep him alive because being in an apocalypse does not mean one has to eat grass.

✾ Then again, he would not hesitate to sacrifice the others to the zombies if they annoy him.

✾ The only one able to keep the beagle line from doing stupid shit with his threats.

✾ You can’t really count on him outrunning the zombies, though. We have all seen this man attempt to play soccer, he is not made for physical activity. He will not survive with his physical skills and will absolutely accept his fate rather than try.

Kai/Jongin: -100000000/10

✾ Listen, this man will die within the first five seconds of the apocalypse.

✾ It is not a question of whether he dies, more so than how. There are so many ways that he can get himself killed, even without the apocalypse playing a major factor.

✾ He could give himself food poisoning when he tries to cook or trip over his own feet when he tries to run away from the zombies. He does not really have a great sense of self-preservation.

✾ 10000% the type to think that they could befriend the zombies because “zombies are people too.” Luckily for him, the zombies do think he is adorable and won’t immediately eat him when he gets too close.

✾ But yeah, if it isn’t for the others constantly monitoring him, he is dead.

Sehun: 1000/10

✾ Last to die because his members will do everything they can to keep him alive. Maknae privileges and whatnot.

✾ He is very much dependent on his members to do basically anything, but the thing is, they would do it without question.

✾ He will complain the entire time and whine constantly.

✾ If Suho dies, you might as well kill him too. How is he supposed to sleep without his emotional-support-hyung??? So yeah, the only way to really decrease his survival rate is to eliminate his members.

✾ Honestly, we all are simply living in his world, what Sehun wants, Sehun gets. It might even extend to the zombies. He would just ask them to stop trying to eat him and they would oblige because, well, Sehun asked.

✾ He is 1000% responsible for the cure being found. It has nothing to do with Sehun finding it himself. Instead, when/if he gets bitten, the members will stop at nothing to find a way to rid him of the disease. Sleep? Who needs sleep when Oh Sehun is dying!?

masterlist

[brazilian-whalien52]

Let's play a game!

Think about the oldest BLs you have ever watched. They must have been released at least before 2020. Now name 5 to 10 iconic scenes that you can't forget

1. Sotus (2016) - Okay even if we do have problems with the use of wife today. This scene will never not be iconic. In fact, Every time Kongpob Opened his mouth in the first episodes of Sotus it was pure gold

2. Advance bravely (2017) - Is it a cliche scene? Yes. But I absolutely have him fighting and walking shirtless in the rain playing in my head 24h

3. History 3 Trapped (2019) - Shao fei trying to show off with a girl (but not being able to go further than hugging) and ending up just going absolute insane when Tang yi makes out with a men is definitely top BL scenes to me. Truly they don't make enemies like this anymore.

4. History 3 Make our days count (2019) - Absolutely insane that this kiss changed my brain chemistry but nobody talks about it anymore. Traumatized so many gays that learned to not make out in the couch unless you lock the door.

5. Puppy honey (2016) - maybe because this was my first Thai BL, but this Offgun scene always makes me go "oh". I am pretty found of it. Also the shower soap scene that feels like the start of a porn hahah

6. WaterBoys - this is not a positive scene. But lives rent free in my mind why a swimming club would choose to do a snow-white play instead of the little mermaid? It is 2024 and I still want to know.

7. Make it Right 2 (2017) - when he fell in love with the smell of the other fart? Is this a fever dream or truly happened? I can't trust myself anymore

8. Yuri on Ice (2016) - leaving dramas but I can't forget to mention this scenes

9. What the duck - Idk but I always remember the wedding proposal, maybe because it was the first queer one I saw where the guys were protagonists? The show is terrible thou, I do not recommend.

10. The lovers (2015) - I don't think I can ever forget the sense of humor on this show. Made me cringe so hard and can not be scrubbed off. They watching porn together was a crazy scene thou.

Honorable mentions to; love by chance, 2moons and tharntype. Also atots, theory of love, guardian and he is coming to me that do not feel old to me so didn't make the cut.

Anyway if you are not tagged and want to take part feel free.

Tagging: @absolutebl @sparklyeyedhimbo @shannankle @thepancakelady @wen-kexing-apologist @formayhem @heiscomingtomygrave

[daechwitatamic]

When did you become ARMY? and has Tae always been your bias?

AH, hello! You'd like my villain origin story, hm?

I guess I'll use a read more because I'm cursed by the inability to EVER shut up.

So back in 2020-2021 someone that I've been friends with for over 10 years and follow on tumblr became army. She was posting tons and tons of giftsets and vids every day as she began to work her way through the content. I didn't pay much attention at first but as the moths passed I somehow eventually started playing a little game with myself called "Is Jungkook in this/Can you find Jungkook" because that was her bias at the time and I only knew his name.

Somehow this expanded to one or two other members (I wanna say Jimin and Joon?) and it was just my private little game with myself when she would post.

I can tell you the exact moment I actually paid attention - she posted gifs of this moment:

I remember DISTINCTLY sitting up like wait, they're actually good/talented???

We got to the point where Dynamite was out and I'll be honest, I didn't really like it and I still don't. But after this moment I thought okay maybe I'm missing something.

So the summer of 2021 I dm'ed her and said, "Hey, want to rec me some BTS songs? My playlist feels stale."

She sent me Mic Drop (steve's version lol), Fake Love, and Truth Untold and I loved all three (they still remain among my top faves!). I asked for a few more. So on it went until I'd listened to the whole discography lol. Eventually she sent me like a list of their discography and I would watch the lyric video that lights up who's singing so I could 1) know what the lyrics were about and 2) kind of learn their voices. If I liked a song when I listened to the lyric video, I threw it in a giant playlist on Spotify. I ended up with uhhhhhhhh a lot of songs lol.

I also watched Run BTS from episode one all the way through during that summer. I watched Bon Voyage 1, 3, and 4 and watched 2 together with her later in the fall.

We went together to PTD LA (I flew from the east coast lol someone save jo) that December and saw Coldtan :')

The following March I started reading and writing ff and made this account :')

Anyway, was Taehyung my first bias - yes!! The first moment I was like "oh THAT ONE" was she had sent me a compilation of Taehyung saying insane shit with a straight face and I got to "that's the eyeliner" and had to pause to collect myself because him!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I also saw a gif from this moment (hi maggie lol) and I remember being like WAIT HOLLUP WHO IS THAT? ONE OF THE MEMBERS LOOKS LIKE THAT? WHO IS IT? and it was cemented. I alsoooooo remember DISTINCTLY losing my shit the first time I listened to Singularity because HIS VOICE!!!!! HIS VOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEEPER THAN THE OCEAN IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO DROWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway ahem we're all normal here.

However it was MAYBE only two weeks after Taehyung claimed me that I dm'ed her again like, "Why does my brain suddenly love Suga?" and she was like "I was waiting for that" and for the majority of my army time I have really considered myself a double-bias, at times feeling like maybe I was a Yoongi-ult but these days the taehyung chokehold is stronger, I'm afraid. At PTD LA Yoongi came to our corner of the stage in a leather jacket during soundcheck and I'm telling u I ascended I was not on this planet anymore i did not breathe air until he was gone again afjheaiufqiughijg

THEN of course Mr. Kim Namjoon had to absolute wreck my shit in the Indigo era and took over my entire existence SIGH.

So, idk. These days I feel like a Tae-ult with Yoongi wrecker and Joon wrecker-wrecker? But ot7 are soooo special and wonderful and amazing, like truly the universe aligned to take these seven more extraordinary humans and put them together!! Like?! they're so special, i love them a lot fr :')

ANYWAY did you learn to never ask me anything because I will talk until I die?! love you anon have a wonderful fridayyyyyyyy <3

[olivieraa]

Not the best thing to be comparing it to since they're on completely different levels but I cant help it.

Ok so, when I finished Attack on Titan, I remember sitting there just like... staring at the window ahead of me and just thinking to myself "what can I possibly watch now that wont feel insanely mediocre in comparison?"

Truly. It was akin to a feeling of a breakup but with someone so perfect you think "well that's it, nobody can compare to that, no point in even looking"

Osomatsu was the best thing for me to get back to first. For various reasons. And it worked. It helped. It took my mind off of SnK, even if I kept thinking about it here and there. And then I watched 91 Days and Acca and was able to appreciate them for what they were, but SnK changed a lot for me. Because I had never seen it done before.

There's some that say otherwise and that someone with my viewpoint is wrong, but I really and truly felt like the creator of SnK had every second of that story planned. And I could pull up various moments in the show that made no sense when you watched them in s1, only to have that answered in s3 or s4, and its like, "ok if he didn't have that planned, and it was 10 years later that we saw the answer, why would it have been in s1 in the first place." I want to get into that in a different post. But lets just say, SnK is what the show Lost could have been. But they defo didn't know where they were going with that and pulled a damn plot out of a hat and an ending out of another hat and went along with it, and it is widely regarded as the show that could have been the greatest TV show ever made (and then Game of Thrones did the same thing lol).

While watching Maou-sama, I watched it the same way I watched 91 Days and Acca. I watched it for what it was. None of them are SnK. They're just animes. Fun animes. And they were my top rated. I'd given them all an 8 (Maou had a 9 but I brought it down).

But with Maou-- Like SnK, it also happened to feature something I'd never seen before. And that is that is it the most wasted potential I have ever seen.

I don't remember being this disappointed. This would have been the exact type of show in which you should have had your whole story planned out, just like SnK. Definitely not on the grand, epic scale. But you don't have to be of the same genre to put your all into your story. Your very best. Your goddamn heart.

Some animes go a little bit downhill. Some animes start off medicore and get better.

But to have the premise that Maou-sama did and go in such a route that turned it into the most basic, run of the mill, generic anime that could easily blend in with thousands of others... Absolutely crazy to me.

And everyone is in agreement on it. I felt this way and then looked at the comment sections and its very much accepted that the creator got to a point where he stopped giving a shit. And that's so sad.

I wish he'd just been like "here, I got this far. I gave it my all to a point, so please continue cause I actually don't know what to do from here on out" and just handed it to someone else.

But anyway. I watched Maou-sama 10 years ago.

S2 part 1 came out in 2022 and S2 part 2 came out in 2023 (idk why it wasn't just S2 and S3). The anime ended in the most basic manner.

So, instead of waiting for a S3, I'm gonna read the manga and finish it off, bc I'm so disappointed I really couldn't be bothered, and wanna get this outta the way so I dont have to look at it again. And there's only 10 chapters left (idk how they'll make a whole season outta that).

Oh what could have been.

[l8rhader]

It was Tuesday which meant it was Losers Family Game Night.  Except, as far as most of the Losers knew, Eddie Kaspbrak had a study group that he just couldn’t get out of.

In truth, he had needed a minute.  And a drink.  And a quiet walk around the city.  All that had done for him was solidified his realization.  He needed to get his shit together.  For over a decade, he’d pined.  He’d watched as Richie went on a never-ending string of increasingly frustrating bad dates.  He listened as he bitched about each of them after they’d all, inexplicably, failed to realize how wonderful he was.  At 22, in his senior year of college and living with his six best friends in a rented house just off campus, he was really, truly living, and- He’d had enough waiting.  He wanted Richie.  

He headed back to the house and snuck in the backdoor, heading up the kitchen stairs to sit, cross-legged on Richie’s bed, and just waited, picking at a tiny hole at the bottom hem of his faded old T-Shirt with the demon car.  He didn’t want to deal with Game Night or anyone else until he saw Richie.  

Downstairs, the rest of the Losers Club were chatting happily and setting up the board for a friendly and Not-At-All-Competitive-Beverly-Remember-What-Happened-Last-Time game of Monopoly.  Richie stood up from the ottoman and moved for the stairs.  “Hang on, guys, don’t start without me.  I just want to change into sweats,” he said, adding “Stan, pull the-”

“Shoe,” he predicted, plucking it out of the box from under Beverly’s fingers as she huffed, reaching from the couch behind him, nearly knocking the wind out of Ben with an accidental kick to the gut, securing the Top Hat for herself before Stan could swipe it.  His call doubled as an encouragement to getting him out and back.  “Got it,” Richie shot him a thumbs-up behind his back.  “Hurry, it’s already 6,” he called, knowing that, at this rate, they were going to be up until way later than he’d like.  He had work in the morning, even if no one else had class until noon.

Richie was already upstairs and opening the door to his room, though.  He already had the top of his jeans unbuttoned, heading to his dresser for something more comfortable.  He let them drop, stepping out of them in just his boxers.  

Momentarily stunned by the situation he found himself in, Eddie found his voice quick enough.  “Hey Richie,” he said quietly.  “Can we talk?”

Jumping backward and knocking his dresser drawer shut on his finger, though managing to come up with the pants he’d come in search of, Richie yelped.  “Ow! Fuck,” he hissed, popping the injured digit into his mouth instinctively.  “Eds, what-”  He stopped, looked down at himself, and immediately felt his face flush hot.  “What’s up?” he asked, covering himself up with the hastily retrieved garment before realizing he could indeed put them on.

“I need to say something to you and I need to say it all before you interrupt me so can you be uncharacteristically quiet for like 5 minutes before you say anything that’s going to make me potentially jump out of your bedroom window in embarrassment,” Eddie said, taking a sharp intake of breath before adding a quiet, “please?”

Brows furrowed behind his glasses, Richie moved to his bed and sat beside Eddie.  “Of course,” he said, fighting off the instinct to point out that anything that was going to take Eddie five minutes to say would take 30 from anyone else- maybe 15 from him, but what’s 10 minutes between friends, right?  “Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong,” he said quietly, picking at his cuticle before dropping his hands into his lap.  He looked over at Richie, who was looking at him so softly that he could hardly stand it and stood up.  “Can you not look at me while I say any of this?  I can’t deal with your face and those big fucking eyes staring at me while I try to put my thoughts together because if I do, Richie, I swear I’m never going to get through this,” he said as he started to pace.  

Richie stared up at him incredulously for a moment, wondering just what in the hell he’d gotten himself into, before shaking it off.  “Sure.  Whatever you need,” he said, plucking the plush beaver Eddie had won him at the carnival one year.  At the time, he may have buried it under a dirty joke or ten, - and by may have, he absolutely did, but it made Eddie laugh that big, open laugh that always twisted a knot in Richie’s gut he couldn’t place at the time but he definitely had figured out by now, so it wasn’t for nothing- but it was, and remained to the day, one of his most prized possessions.

It appeared, though, that Eddie didn’t need Richie’s agreement for any of this.  “I mean, how couple I possibly focus when you’re there and you look like that and you’re my best fucking friend and you just get whatever it is that I’m trying to say without me having to try which is impressive considering that I try really fucking hard all the time and you’re always there!  And you always play along!  And you’re-” he looked back at Richie and clenched and unclenched his fists quickly.  “I just don’t get it and of course you’re going to say no because, I mean, you’re you and why would you even want to so it doesn’t-”

“Eds, I don’t mean to interrupt this conversation you’re having with yourself when you did ask for five minutes but,” he said, standing up and placing the stuffed animal back on his bed with a lightly confused expression, “you haven’t actually said-”

“AND THEN, here you are, six-fucking-two and cheekbones and shoulders and hands and-” he spluttered, struggling, “and-and-and I can’t even focus on anything at all because you’re this fucking hot AND you’re quite possibly the funniest person I’ve ever met, despite all of the fighting and calling me names that are absolutely mortifying but I don’t hate as much as I say I do because I know that it’s endearment from you,” he said, taking the hand that he hadn’t even noticed Richie had reached out to him.  He rolled it thoughtfully in his own hand and smiled.  “But, then, you have to be such a fucking idiot, like there’s not a brain under that perfect mop of curls you call hair, and go on all of these stupid dates with these stupid assholes who don’t see how sweet and smart and brave and funny and gorgeous you are and I have to wonder why the fuck it’s always them and not me when I’m right fucking here.  And every time one of these shitbrained lowlifes breaks your heart, I end up here in this exact spot, surrounded by your dirty laundry, wondering what in the hell happened to make you ignore what was right in front of your face the whole damn time; trying to figure out why it’s them and not me because I swear if I had you, I’d never let you go.”  Eddie took another breath that might have been a little huffier than he’d intended, but he was mad.  He was madly in love with Richie.  So sue him if he thought that it was stupid that, after over ten years, he was going to have to admit it before he, maybe literally, exploded.

Even though he was hearing every word and, practiced as he was in the art of Eddie-fication, Richie was having trouble following.  “I need something a little more linear here, Eds.  Give me something to go on.”

Give him something to go on, he did.  Eddie launched himself onto his tiptoes, arms draped over Richie’s shoulders as he kissed him.  If Richie had had any warning at all, he might have been quicker on the uptake.  He settled into the kiss quick enough, pulling Eddie up into his arms eagerly.  It still wasn’t close enough for Eddie.  He wound one hand into Richie’s hair, adjusting his neck for a better angle.

“God, why are you so fucking tall?” he panted when he finally came up for air.  “One of us is gonna end up needing a chiropractor if we keep this up,” he added.

Letting his hands wander lower, he gripped the back of Eddie’s thighs and hoisted him up so they were a little closer to even and kissed him again.  “Better?” he asked, despite feeling pretty confident that it was.  

Richie smiled at him.  That was sort of what he thought.  “You drive me insane, too,” he said, moving his strong hands to Eddie’s biceps and pulling him in closer.  “And I love you, too.”  

Eddie looked up at him, quietly stunned.  He thought back over everything he’d said but he was pretty sure that he’d left that bit out.  “You-”

“That was the general takeaway of your rant, right?  Because, honestly, Eds, it was a little all over the place but there was a good bit of mentioning different physical attributes, some jealousy and frustration with my past dating experiences, some mentioning of things other than my body, but,” he drew his lips into a straight line and shrugged, “to be fair, I’m sure you had a speech but I came in here and dropped trough and shot that all to shit,” he laughed, getting a slight blush from Eddie, “followed by a good deal of insulting which is Spaghetti-Speak for I love you.”  

Richie leaned forward, wrapping his arms tightly around Eddie’s waist.  “Is it?” Eddie asked, suddenly realizing that he hadn’t had much of a plan past this part.  

Nodding, Richie leaned back a little.  “I’ve wanted to be your boyfriend for a long time,” he admitted.  Beneath his hands, he could practically feel Eddie vibrating with excitement.  “That is, if you want me, too?”

A bright smile crept along Eddie’s face, initiating those dimples Richie liked so much he could fucking scream.  “Of course, I want you,” he said, letting his hands rest wrapped tightly in the buttons of his shirt.  “I want you more than anything else I can think of.”  

“Good.  Because you’re stuck with me, my man,” he said, swaying them both back and forth happily, a slow dance.  Then, realizing what he’d said and the implications of it, he simply smiled.  “My man.”  Eddie leaned up on his tiptoes and kissed him once more, pulling him in by his shirt before hooking his arms around his neck.  From the living room, there was a chorus of shouts for Richie to hurry the fuck up.  “Are you gonna come down with us?  Because I don’t want to stop this, but-”

Eddie released a heavy sigh.  “Go,” he groaned, shoving him out the door and toward the steps.  It was stupid, he realized, waiting this long.  Grinning broadly as he watched Richie pad down the stepsHe ducked toward the front door and opened it, pulling Richie toward him as he closed it, giving them the option of making it seem like Eddie had just gotten home.  Still, his hand in Richie’s felt right.  The way Richie had instinctively moved his hand to Eddie’s hip might have made his heart skip a beat as he hovered closer, obscured from the Losers by the wall with their coat rack on it.  

Leaning in, Richie captured Eddie’s lips with his own, pressing himself flush against him.  It was exhilarating.  He had never in a million years thought that it would happen like this, if it happened at all.  He thought there would be some long, pitiful conversation.  Some dramatic scene.  He’d expected tears and panic- maybe even some puke, on his end.  

But this?

Kissing Eddie was easy.  Having Eddie as a boyfriend- being Eddie’s boyfriend- that was going to be even easier.  Effortless.  Inevitable.  He could feel it.  He could tell.  

Still, he had to stop.  He had to pull back for a moment before he lost his head entirely and they got caught.  “Do you really want to do this?” he asked, thumb grazing lightly over Eddie’s cheek.

Eddie leaned into his hand and looked up at him, a hint of mischief in those deep, brown eyes.  He entwined his freehand in Richie’s hair, kissing him with an even more determined fire than he had the first time.  Richie hummed in surprise against his mouth, then melted against him dramatically, like the snowman turning into the little boy in that soup commercial.  He tilted Eddie’s face up and and leaned into him, feeling their hearts running a race.  For once, Richie thought, just a part of him might be faster than Eddie.  

When he finally pulled back, breathless and flushed, Eddie nodded.  “I really, really do.”  

“See you in there, then,” he said, kissing him lightly one last time for the moment, smiling briefly against his lips.

Hearing Stan call out to him again, Richie turned and practically bounced back into the living room Eyes wide, Eddie whispered a harsh, “Wait.  I didn’t mean to tell them.  I just meant yes to you!” Richie settled in against the pile of throw pillows on the far side of the room, and busied himself collecting his money from Stan and bitching at Mike for stealing his seat.  “Richie? Richie!” Eddie continued to hiss, digging his fists into his hair.  “Fuck.”

He peeked around the corner and took in the set-up.  Bev and Ben were still on the couch but she was sitting up, poised for battle.  Stan was on the floor with his back against the couch, knees against the coffee table, bank assembled in the lid and safely under the table where Beverly couldn’t reach without alerting him.  Bill’s chair was still vacant, because he was still in the kitchen making drinks.  Mike sat cross legged on the ottoman with Richie nested in the pillows beside him.  His heart skipped another beat- it really needed to stop doing that- as he realized that that caught-the-canary look Richie had was because of him.  He looked so happy.  And fuck- he was, too.

“Was that the food?” Mike asked.  

“No,” Richie answered, then paused.  “Well, I mean.  It’s something I plan on eating later,” he added quickly, raising his eyebrows as Eddie ducked out of sight.  He laughed a little, knowing he was gonna hear it for that later.  

From the entryway, there was the sound of a definite thunk of head against wall.  “What was that?” asked, moving to get up, spooked.

“Probably the pasta coming to a boil,” Richie offered, situating his loudly colored money beside him.  Beverly looked at him curiously.

Still missing the point, “What?  What pasta?” Mike asked, looking over at the rest of the group as Bill came in from the kitchen with their drinks.  “Didn’t we order pizza?  I don’t-”

Once he’d freed his hands, handing Richie and Mike their beers, popping the open wine bottle down in front of Ben and Bev passing Stan his 7 and 7, Bill asked, “Richie, did you hit your head?  How many f-fingers?” offering two individual fingers for him to focus on as he plopped down into his chair, taking a swig of his own beer.

“Three if I play my cards right,” Richie winked.  Off to his left, Stan squinted at him.  Not that it was any different from his normal schtick, per se, but there was something different about Richie.  Bev picked up on it, too, swatting Stan on the shoulder and fixing him with a deliberate stare.

“Oh my God!” Eddie groaned, spinning in a circle.  He buried his face in his hands.  That wasn’t what he meant.  He hadn’t-

“Eddie?” Ben asked, craning his neck to get a better angle to try to see into the entryway.  “I thought he had that study group he couldn’t get out of tonight.” 

Perking up, Bev leaned across the arm of the sofa, shouting, “Eds!  If that’s you, get your ass in here!” 

Eddie let one deep breath fill his lungs as he dropped his head back, closing his eyes.  He was going to have to kill his boyfriend.  Even with attack mode activated, he still smiled at the thought.  The word boyfriend meant Richie which made him go warm all over.  He shook it off and peeked back around the corner.  “Hey, guys,” he said, sheepishly.

Bill turned around, more than a little shocked to find the seventh Loser home.  “What g-gives?”

“You said you wouldn’t be home until super late tonight?” Bev asked, gesturing for him to come sit with her and Ben.

There was a chorus of agreement as he fully entered the room, arms folded protectively around his waist. He looked down at the floor, trying to avoid eye contact that would clearly give him away, until “Yeah, Spaghetti.  What gives?” Richie said with a crooked smile, cocking his head to one side as he leaned back on his elbows.

“Fuck you, dude.  I take it all back.  Every fucking word,” Eddie growled, crossing to Richie and swiping one of the pillows out from under him to smack him in the gut with it.  “You’re such a dipshit, you know that right?  I meant yes to you not yes to whatever the fuck you took me saying yes to mean.”  Richie opened his mouth, meaning to point out that the rest of the Losers were still in the room.  Instead, all he could do was gape at his boyfriend.  “Oh, fucking forgive me if I wanted to take a minute to enjoy the fact that I finally got over my shit, marched back here, and made a fucking move!  Maybe I wanted to keep it between us for, oh, I don’t know ten minutes before you broadcast to all of our friends that I just asked you out.”

Richie blinked a couple of times, stunned.  He held his hand up, preparing to count off on his fingers.  “So, to recap, you came home completely unannounced-”

“I live here, asshole!  Do I have to tell you all-”

Flexing his outstretched hand, Richie added his index finger to the list, “Started fucking yelling at me about my face, my dating habits, my laundry habits, and my mouth,” added a third, smiling as he glanced past Eddie at the shocked faces of their friends, “kissed me, started yelling at me again for being too fucking tall but if I’m not mistaken,” he said, letting his hand spring back to his chest with a loud thud, “I am the one who made the startling confession and did the boyfriend asking and then returned to the game night that you were invited to in the house that we share with our friends without so much as a fucking word past reiterating that you really did want to be with me,” he listed, counting them off on the three fingers he’d joked about just moments earlier.  He reached up, and took Eddie’s hand.  “You, light of my life and pain in my ass, are the one who came in here guns blazing and broadcasting it for all of these Losers.  I was simply being casual!”

Eddie squeaked out a laugh.  “As if!  You came in with all of the jokes and the fucking commentary!  What the hell did you think they were going to think”  Something I plan to eat later?  What the fuck, Richie?  I swear-”

“Because you’re so cute, cute, cute, I could just eat you up, Spaghetti,” Richie said, tugging at his boyfriend’s hand, chewing at his lower lip.

Stan sighed, pulling the box out from under the table and starting to count out Eddie’s starting pile.  “He’s always talked about you like that,” he said flatly.

“Yeah, as s-soon as you came in we would have just let it g-go as him being a dickhead,” Bill laughed, reaching into his pocket for his wallet and pulling out a fifty, taking the one Mike was flagging toward the table and tossing them both at Ben.  Bev and Stan both dug through their Monopoly money and tried to pawn that off as fair, receiving nothing but a disapproving tut from Ben, now $200 richer- in real currency, even.

Settling back into his spot, Stan glanced over at his friends, thoroughly happy for them.  “So, if you two are done, we were just starting on Monopoly and I had the car set aside just in case,” he offered, sticking the pawn on the stack of brightly colored bills and handing them up to Eddie who just stared blankly at him.  “I open tomorrow.  In or out?”

Richie swiped the pieces and laughed.  “C’mere,” he said said, a little roughly, tugging Eddie down to sit between his legs.  Snuggling back against his boyfriend, he smiled, rocking back and forth a bit. 

All it took was one subtle moment- Richie pressed his lips to Eddie’s neck gently, whispering in his ear and Eddie shut his eyes smiling happily. Mike cooed some nonsense about it being ‘about damn time,” and Eddie blushed, admitting that, yeah, it was.  That’s all it took for Stan to lock eyes with Eddie, claiming that now he was vulnerable.  The peace was broken with unrelenting trash talk as Eddie took first roll.

“Is it a g-good idea to play Monopoly, of all things, the day they actually g-get together?” Bill asked Ben quietly as he walked back to the kitchen to grab the second round.  As oldest, he always went last for every game, making him the barmaid, most nights.

“It’s not like they’ve never played together before,” Ben answered, watching the new couple with a gentle smile as his own girlfriend batted his hand away for distracting her.  “Besides, Richie’s pretty calm with Monopoly.”

“It’s not Richie I’m worried about,” Bill said as Richie cursed.  Eddie had given an evil laugh, teasing that Ben had always been on his side and, in throwing his head back, nearly concussed him.  “Although, maybe I should be,” he laughed, shaking his head, passively wondering if, maybe, he could see the future or something because hadn’t he just asked-

[restmyheadatnightcontent]

could we, your humble followers, perhaps receive some more of the rugby au, as a treat? 😌😌

yes of course!! i didnt have any ideas for scene in this au for a while but then watched some highlights of one of my fave games last night so have some geralt and jaskier working together for a try! (also this is just over 600 words oops - can you tell i miss rugby??)

___________

It’s an absolute mess of a game, if he’s being honest. The other team had seemed to dominate as soon as the whistle blew, their winger running over for a try within minutes. Ever since then, it had felt like they were on the back foot, constantly trying to chase the game. They conceded four tries in the first half and almost didn’t score anything themselves, if it weren’t for Eskels lucky charge down and then incredible chase to go over the line.Jaskier had a few chances at goal, none of them easy, but he missed all of them. The frustration was beginning to show in his game and Geralt had had to have words with him in the changing room.

“You need to focus; we can’t afford to be making mistakes now. There will be other chances and I know you’ll be able to kick them. We just need to be patient and keep our heads. If they see us panicking, then we’re done for.”

Jaskier had nodded and walked back out to the pitch with his jaw set with determination. Geralt hopes the other man will take the words on board. The last thing they need is a fly-half

Geralt sometimes doubts himself as captain, wondering if he truly is the right man for the job and feels that surely someone like Eskel would be better suited, with his calm head and always seeming to know exactly what words to say.

But looking at his team now, Geralt thinks that maybe he is the captain this team needs. He’s not sure if it was his words at half time, or if they have all carried their frustration from the first half through with an understanding that something that had to change, but they are playing well. They are quicker up to tackles, they are making it out of their 22, they have managed a few turnovers and Jaskier is clearing their lines well with his kicks. A score is coming, he can feel it. As he said to Jaskier, he just needs to be patient.

They are about 10 minutes into the second half, and they’ve got the momentum behind them. Their scrum half goes into the tackle, gaining ground and Jaskier steps up to take the ball from the ruck. The brunette glances up and Geralt sees what he sees. Acres of space behind the defensive line. He knows without a second thought what Jaskier is about to do, and what he in turn must do. Jaskier chips the ball over the top and sprints to pick it up perfectly. He then spins away from the next few defenders, his clever feet dodging him out the way.

Geralts pushes himself until he’s just behind Jaskier, running the perfect line in order to receive the ball. Jaskier does get tackled and offloads the ball easily into Geralts waiting hands and then Geralt just picks up his pace and heads for the line. It’s times like this, whilst confidently striding towards the line with the ball in his hand, not a defender in sight that Geralt remembers why he loves this game so much. Then he’s there and placing the ball onto the ground and turning with a triumphant cheer towards his team. They come and congratulate him with hugs and back slaps and then suddenly his arms are full of Jaskier.

“You fucking beauty!” the brunette cheers as he wraps his arms around Geralt, and Geralt picks him up and spins him quickly.

He pulls back to see the Jaskier staring at him, mud streaked along his face and with a wide smile, and also with a glint in his bright blue eyes. Something that seems to be more than just joy at the score.

Perhaps its not just the game that’s changing.

_______

this is inspired by the ali price/magnus bradbury try from scotland v england in the 2019 six nations which is an absolutely cracking and insane game if anyone wants to check it out.

[ruewrites]

We’re Blooming Together Chapter 10: Confessions

AO3

Ship: Solomon/Asmo, Diavolo/Lucifer

Word Count: 4335

Warnings: None

Chapter 1-Chapter 2-Chapter 3-Chapter 4-Chapter 5-Chapter 6-Chapter 7-Chapter 8-Chapter 9-Chapter 10-Chapter 11-Chapter 12

Asmo’s could hear his brothers whispering whenever they thought he couldn’t. Some part of him knew Mammon wouldn’t keep quiet about what happened. Not that he couldn’t. He could have, but this was coming out of a place of concern. Not that Mammon would have had to tell them anything. Asmo had spent a majority of time holed up in his rooms. Sometimes quiet sobs would escape his bedroom door, other times were spent in silent contemplation about what to do. His stomach had continued to tie itself up into knots, anxieties plaguing his mind. There was a chance that maybe Solomon liked him, but then the chance that he didn’t would immediately come to mind. He could stay quiet about the whole thing and have Solomon in his life forever, or he could tell him and risk the chance of ruining everything. But what if Solomon did return his feelings?  

Solomon’s hoodie stared up at him from the bed. Asmo knew he probably shouldn’t be looking at it when trying to make a decision. Hell, he’d barely been answering Solomon’s texts when they came in, sometimes not at all. He wasn’t even posting on his socials. He just needed a few minutes with a clear head, he needed Solomon to stop invading his thoughts just long enough to make a decision. 

A new letter hadn’t come in in a while either. Secret had been quiet. Honestly, it made this whole mess even more fantastic. Maybe he did have a stalker. That was a pleasant thought. Maybe they saw all of his pictures with Solomon. Maybe he would have to get Lucifer and Diavolo involved. Maybe he would have to go into hiding, maybe he would have to move all of his classes online, maybe he was putting Solomon’s life in danger. Maybe he should still accept them, put everything to a quiet agreement. They had said really nice things after all, or if they were crazy maybe it would keep Solomon safe. Oh he shouldn’t be thinking like this! His last relationship had been a complete dumpster fire, and now he was talking himself into walking straight into a nuclear meltdown. What was wrong with him? Why was he so complacent with these thoughts? He wanted to be happy, but right now the only happy scenario he could imagine was with Solomon, and he wasn’t even sure that was a possibility. All the while Solomon’s hoodie stared up at him, tempting him, and his notification rang out once more. Solomon was probably worried and that didn’t help anything at all!

Oh this situation was just wonderful! Everything was a mess and Asmo didn’t know which mess to start with first. It was too much, but how could he involve people without making an even bigger mess of the whole situation. Maybe he should have burned the first letter.  He should have agreed with Satan in the cafe when he said it could be bad. He shouldn’t have accepted all of the gifts. He shouldn’t have done this to himself!

….

But then he wouldn’t have felt nearly as wonderful as he had. It was the best and most loved he’d felt in a while. Had he ever truly been in love? Had anyone ever truly loved him? These were questions he didn’t like asking himself. They brought up parts of his behavior that he’d rather not acknowledge. Sure he had issues, all of his brothers had issues. That’s what happened when your parents abandoned you. Asmo just wanted someone that wouldn’t leave. He didn’t want to face that kind of betrayal again. For a moment he thought that Secret could be the one, that they would actually love him for who he was and care for him. Then Solomon started to fill that hole and Asmo stopped resisting.

I won’t leave you. Not in a bajillion years.

Not even a hundred billion?

Not even then!

Ever wonderful Solomon. Always there when he had family issues, when he needed help with assignments, when he was nervous or scared, when he had issues with his relationships. Solomon had kept his promise. He never left, regardless if things were good or bad. He still remembered all the times Solomon had come to get him out of the house after a bad breakup. He’d come into his room, help him get fixed up and offer to take him to his favorite cafe on the corner. If he was in a particularly bad mood he’d bring over snacks and they’d watch terrible movies together. They’d laugh until their sides hurt and rewind bits that were particularly bad just to laugh even more. Solomon knew him so well, he always knew what he needed.

…

He wished he could do that now. He wanted to call Solomon and ask for comfort. He wanted to forget everything and just watch a bad movie like everything was normal. But Solomon was part of the problem, and he couldn’t think straight about what he wanted to do if he was sitting so close to him the entire time. He needed his heart to stop trying to burst out of his chest whenever he thought about him.

Missing Solomon’s presence was something Asmo didn’t want to get used to. A life without Solomon was an empty one. He’d much rather be kept single for the rest of his life because of his brothers than lose Solomon.

 Speaking of his brothers, he hadn’t gotten a text about another stakeout in a while. In fact, his brothers had been relatively quiet about Asmo’s love life. That didn’t mean they’d been completely quiet. Every now and again he’d get a text that told him to open his door, or a quiet little knock. Oh had his brothers been wonderful to him. 

Mammon had bought some rather expensive bath bombs he loved. The ones that glittered and shined as soon as they hit the water, leaving the tub a sparkling mess.The bag they came in also contained bubbles, lotions, and other various items to make the perfect self care day.

Levi left a movie he heard Asmo talk about a few times, along with some games that he claimed helped him take his mind off of things when they weren’t going to great. He’d also left a list of recommendations of shows that he enjoyed and that Asmo might like too.

Satan had brought his normal drink from the cafe with a note attached letting Asmo know that he had all sorts of stories and gossip to tell him whenever he wanted to talk.

Beel had left his favorite cupcakes from the bakery down the street. The ones with cute little sprinkles and pink icing on top.

Belphie left one of his warmest, fuzziest blankets that Asmo ended up staying curled up in most of the time.

Each gift held a piece of one of his brothers. They all put their own twist on showing how much they cared. 

At least there was one place Asmo always knew he would be loved. 

His brothers could be annoying, and may drive him absolutely insane, but he loved them more than anything. They cared about him, even if it wasn’t always vocalized. They’d been through a lot together.

Asmo had a feeling Mammon had pseudo orchestrated the whole thing. After all, he’d seen first hand how upset Asmo had been Friday night.Sure he hadn’t seen the whole thing, but honestly he probably didn’t need to. Mammon was the second oldest after all, he had helped Lucifer take care of them all, even if he wasn’t always the best role model for them.

Perhaps this is why when he heard a knock on his door, he was expecting Mammon. Asmo was curled up in the fuzzy blanket and watching a movie. He’d given up a while ago trying to work on  his latest design. He’d been having a hard time finding inspiration among the mess of petals scattered on the floor. Part of him wanted all of those wonderful feelings back, even if it meant he’d be torturing himself. He reached out to pause the movie, blanket still wrapped around him tightly. He waited a few moments, and then the knock came again. Well, it looks like they wanted to come in. 

“Coming,” he said, plodding over to the door, tightening his grip around the blanket wrapped snugly around him. He forced one of his charming smiles to spread across his face. There wasn’t a point in making them worry more than they already were. This was his issue to sort out, it wasn’t his brothers’ fault he’d given in.

“You know you all-” Asmo couldn’t remember what he was going to say, the words died on his lips before they even had their first shot at seeing the outside world. His blood ran ice cold. This was something he’d forgotten about. Something he should have been equally worried about.

Lucifer stood before him, looking down at Asmo with an unreadable expression. Suddenly Asmo felt incredibly tiny, and part of him wished he was back in the bathroom at the party. “May I come in?” he asked.

Lucifer’s voice was smooth and completely unwavering, face refusing to betray emotion. Asmo was never surprised he became a lawyer, and he definitely wasn’t surprised by the fact that his name made people shudder. Asmo loved his brother, truly he did, but right now? Asmo didn’t know what to expect. So he nodded slowly and opened his door a little wider. Lucifer stepped inside and nodded at Asmo who shut the door quickly. 

One time when he was a teenager, Lucifer had caught him sneaking out. Asmo couldn’t place the feeling he felt back then, but whatever it was it was stirring up inside him once more. Secrets couldn’t be kept from Lucifer for long, Asmo had known that. Yet he had tried. He couldn’t meet Lucifer’s eyes.

“I heard you were upset,” Lucifer started, arms crossed, “Not that I needed to hear, it’s not hard to tell when you’re off.”

“It’s nothing. I’m just sorting some things out that happened last night-”

“So another person is involved.”

His voice went low. Asmo knew that tone. He’d heard it before. He’d heard it hundreds  of times before.

Asmo went quiet again. He didn’t want to talk about it. He really didn’t want to talk about it. He knew how Lucifer had gotten when he learned the truth about Asmo’s last relationship. Yes, Lucifer had always been protective and yes he got angry when one of Asmo’s partners made him upset. But his last relationship… He’d never seen Lucifer so angry. It terrified him. Lucifer had raised his voice, he’d looked so inhumane in that moment. He remembered having to talk Lucifer out of going to his dorm, he didn’t want to file anything against him. He didn’t want to see his brother get in trouble. Asmo hadn’t seen Lucifer for a while after that. When he had seen him again, he was scared to bring it up again.

Asmo didn’t want Lucifer thinking of Solomon in a  negative light, especially when it wasn’t Solomon’s fault. Solomon hadn’t forced him into having feelings for him, he just simply existed, and that’s what drew Asmo in. Everything about Solomon drew him closer. The way he looked, his intellect, hell even that nerdy side of him… Asmo loved it all. He just needed to decide if he wanted to keep that to himself or not...

Sitting down on the bed, Asmo kept his eyes trained on the floor. “Well, yes and no,” he said. Gripping the blanket tightly around him as a form of safety. How to tread around this subject with Lucifer… He glanced up at his brother ever so slightly, “I don’t think…. They don’t know that they’re involved in this situation.”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Asmo thought he would have preferred he said something in that moment. He wanted a hunt or a clue to how his brother might react, instead he got nothing. Somehow that was worse. Lucifer now already knew more than Mammon, what could he say from here? How would he even begin to explain all of the letters? Where would he even begin? How to say it all in a way Lucifer would understand…

Hi Lucifer! You see I just got all these little love letters at school I didn’t tell you about because I totally thought that you might think this person was a stalker! Even though thinking too much about it, that makes sense! But nope. I wanted to live in my own little fairytale where everything was happy and going to turn out exactly how I wanted it to! Oh also? I projected all of these feelings onto my best friend who I’ve had a crush on for years! I thought he might actually like me back like that! Isn’t that funny Luci? Well, a girl kissed him at a party that you didn’t know about that Mammon and I went to and I had a mental breakdown in the bathroom. Now I’ve realized that he may not like me at all but I still have lots of feelings for him, and the letters haven’t come in in a while so I very well may  have a stalker! Solomon says he likes someone else, and not that girl, and I want it to be me, but it’s probably not. My life is going to shit and I don’t know what to do. Isn’t that funny Luci? Isn’t it?

Yes. that would go over perfectly with Lucifer. Lucifer who could do no wrong. Lucifer who was the head of their family. Nothing bad ever happened to him. Nothing. 

Asmo sniffled and sat down on his bed. No. No he wasn’t going to cry now. Not right now. Not in front of Lucifer. He couldn’t do that, it would just make him pry more.

“Asmodeus-” Lucifer started, then he stopped. He didn’t make a move towards Asmo, but he also didn’t back away. Maybe he would just leave. Take a page from the others for once and leave Asmo to process by himself. After all, it wasn’t any of Lucifer’s business right? Just like his relationship with Diavolo was none of his business. 

“I don’t need a lecture Lucifer,” he snapped. He wasn’t sure where that came from. Perhaps he was due to the overwhelming reality that was constantly swimming around him in this moment. “Listen, I know I screwed up. I know I let my heart get ahead of me. I know, I don’t need to hear it. I-”

Asmo felt a pair of arms wrap around him. It was a bit awkward, but then again affection and comfort hadn’t always been Lucifer’s strong suits. He tried, he really did. But even if he wasn’t always great at it, there was something undeniably soothing. It reminded him of when he was a child once more, and Lucifer was trying his best to fill the hole their parents left in their family. They’d taken Lilith and left the rest of them behind. Asmo still wasn’t really all that sure about what had happened, and Lucifer refused to talk about it. Asmo had vague memories of being held a little closer, a little tighter, for a few months after they left. All of his memories were vague and fuzzy but this… This was a feeling he remembered. 

“Why would you think any of that?” Lucifer asked, pulling away and making Asmo look him in the eye. Asmo wasn’t aware til that moment that anyone would look so stern yet gentle at the same time. Part of Asmo still wanted to look away, but at the same time he felt compelled to spill everything. 

Finally, he sighed and backed up. He hadn’t realized how tense he’d been until his body finally allowed himself to relax. How long had he been that tense? He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Well, you were never the most approving of past relationships.You didn’t ever seem to like them,” he said.

Lucifer had never been rude to them in the slightest, but he also hadn’t been entirely warm with them either. Asmo could always feel him judging them, he knew he didn’t like them. Maybe that’s part of the reason why Asmo had kept quiet about some of his past relationships. Maybe Lucifer had known what they were like all along. Maybe he saw something in their eyes or the way they spoke. Or maybe it was how they all avoided Lucifer’s gaze. Thinking back on it, many of them always had something to say about Lucifer. 

Your oldest brother is kind of scary.

Yo Lucifer? What’s his problem? He kept staring at me.

I thought he was your dad with how he was acting!

Lucifer shook his head and let out a sigh. He was quiet, thinking over his words before speaking. “Well, I certainly feel justified in my disdain for them, they all ended for reasons that I don’t feel I need to bring up,” he said. He certainly wasn’t wrong, but it still made Asmo frown.

“Oh? So is that why you’re so judgemental?”

“No. Asmodeus I-” he stopped again and closed his eyes, “Asmodeus. You’re special. You truly are. I just want to see you treated like you deserve. Someone who sees how special you are.” 

Asmo was waiting for the catch, waiting for there to be more. But there wasn’t. Lucifer just stared at him. Waiting. Asmo brought his knees to his chest. This was uncomfortable. Incredibly uncomfortable. He wished he was still putting up a front. One he could hide behind, but he couldn’t do that to Lucifer. No, Lucifer would know. He was too smart for any of this. 

“Are you going to stop hiding things from me now?”

He knew.

Asmo nodded deftly and swallowed. He reached towards his desk and rummaged through it for a minute. He didn’t need to. He was stalling, and he knew it. He’d just been hiding this all from Lucifer for so long. Of course he knew something wasn’t right, knew something was up. Lucifer knew everything that went on in their house. How Asmo would never know.  Despite everything running through his mind in that moment, the idea of Lucifer reading the letters filled him with absolute dread. His fingers caressed the envelopes. It was like a reflex at this point. Even if he couldn’t touch them, he could still caress their letters. He hadn’t even realized his hands were shaking when he finally handed them over to Lucifer. 

Lucifer examined the envelopes for a moment before opening the first one. “Are these the only things you received.”

“I got a few gifts from time to time. Just small things like chocolate or little toys.”

He nodded slowly, eyes scanning over the words carefully. When he finished, he folded it up meticulously and tucked it back into its resting place within the envelope. Then he would move to the next letter and start the process over again. It was an odd thing to watch. To Asmo, it seemed like Lucifer was treating this like a case more than Asmo bearing his secrets to him. These letters were personal, yet his expression never changed. Hours seemed to tick by and yet halt all together by the time Lucifer was organizing all of the envelopes into a neat little pile and handed them back to Asmo. 

“You said this other person doesn’t know they’re involved?”

“Well, yes-”

“Why?”

Asmo furrowed his brow, “Why?”

“Why don’t they know?”

Asmo swallowed a groan, “Maybe I don’t want them to know.”

“Go on.”

“I’m not one of your clients Lucifer. You don’t need to get every bit of information out of me,” Asmo said, shooting his brother a look, but he continued anyways, “Listen, maybe I just don’t want to ruin the way something is. Maybe I like the way things are. Maybe-”

Maybe I don’t deserve him.

Asmo stopped himself before the words left his mouth. 

Lucifer was silent for a moment, then a soft chuckle left his lips and he shook his head. “Oh, how I wish you still had that same mindset with me. You didn’t sneak around nearly as much as a child and you certainly didn’t keep nearly as many secrets from me.”

Asmo couldn’t help but pout. Lucifer was joking around! How could he be doing this. Lucifer should be grilling him right now! Lucifer should want to give him a lecture! Now Asmo was happy that he wasn’t, but still! He’d been so anxious about what Lucifer would do, only for him to tease him! Had all of his worry really been over nothing? Maybe he wasn’t too different from the rest of his brother’s after all. “All you can do is make a joke? Seriously?”

“Apologies. I suppose Diavolo may, unfortunately, be rubbing off on me.”

Asmo didn’t miss the soft smile that crossed his face. How lucky was Lucifer? He had someone who was vocal about how much he adored him, someone who would do anything and find any loophole just to see him. Someone who would do anything for him. Someone who loved him unconditionally. 

“It must be nice having someone like him, someone who adores you and loved you as much as him. I think he’d run around the world if you asked him to.”

“He is a rather persistent man, I don’t think he would have stopped asking until I agreed to go on a date with him.”

“How many times did he have to ask?”

“Three times.”

Lucifer softened for a moment as Asmo laughed. It wasn’t a surprise. Lucifer hadn’t dated much from what Asmo knew. He’d been busy with school and taking care of the rest of them. He hadn’t had time for romance. By the time he’d gotten into college and his post grad, Lucifer had gotten into a routine. A routine that Diavolo had been determined to break.  Lucifer and Diavolo were good together, they’d been close before they started being together. Honestly Asmo wasn’t sure when they started dating. All he knew was that Diavolo seemed to love his brother more than anything.

“I think he’s good for you,” Asmo said, “He’s so dedicated, and he loves you a lot…”

“He’s certainly something else,” Lucifer agreed, “I want the same thing for you, for all of you. I want you to be happy, even if you all don’t always believe it. I mean it when I say you’re special Asmodeus.”

Asmo looked down at the letters once more. Secret seemed to think he was special too. Maybe… Just maybe they had meant every single thing they said in their letters. The very idea made Asmo blush ever so slightly. Then he mind flickered to his ever dedicated best friend. Oh what he wouldn’t give to be lucky enough to be with him, just like how Lucifer was lucky to have someone like Diavolo.

Then Lucifer pressed something into Asmo’s hands, effectively snapping him out of his thoughts. He looked down, and staring back at him was another pink envelope, crisp and perfect with his name written on the cover. “You know, the funny thing about Diavolo is how persistent he is.  He took a chance with me, three chances actually, he’s incredibly dedicated,” he said, “Now, this doesn't mean I’m going to be easy on them, but I do want to see you happy. Only if this is something you’d want to do.”

Asmo was only half listening as he tore open the letter. His fingers stumbling and tripping over themselves to open it. Then he stopped and turned to Lucifer. “How did you get this?” he asked slowly.

“It was given to me, for you while I was at work. Barbatos had to page me down.”

“Then you know-”

“I promised I won’t tell.”

“Really?” 

“Diavolo made me promise not to tell. He thought the entire thing was rather romantic and adorable,” Lucifer smirked, once Asmo realized this meant that he wasn’t going to get the information he wanted, “Though, you should read it now, I do believe it’s time sensitive.”

Asmo nodded quickly and went back to opening the letter. He looked down expecting the usual gorgeous words scrolled across the page, but that wasn’t the case. It was hurried, as if Secret had been in a rush. The writing was shaky and a little uncertain, and the paper a little crumpled.

Meet me at Cradsbury Park at 7

I promise I’ll explain

I need want to see you

Please.

Your Secret

It wasn’t the normal format. But that didn’t matter. The blanket flew off of him and soon Asmo was scattering to get ready. He needed to fix his makeup and put something nice on. This was the moment he’d been waiting for. His heart was pounding in his chest and his mind went to autopilot. Lucifer stood from his bed and straightened out his shirt a bit before walking towards the door. 

“You really should open your text messages Asmodeus. It’s rather rude not to. I thought you knew better,” before he left, Lucifer turned towards Asmo one last time, “Call me if you need me.”

Asmo was only half listening to his brother as he scurried around his room.

*****

Asmo stood in front of his door nervously. He could turn back. He could forget all of this. But he needed to know, or else he’d always wonder. He thought he looked nice enough, winter boots, a cute sweater under his jacket, one of his nicer pairs of leggings... At least he hoped  he looked nice enough. He tightened his coat around himself. Phone buzzing one last time in his pocket, Asmo opened the door and started his walk down to the old park.

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

‘Ashamed to be Korean' extract — the Moon scam is paid for in blood, poverty, misery, sickness and death by a slave class of Japanese

September 30, 2012 This has been incredibly hard to do, but I have decided to sacrifice my national pride, personal interest and loyalties to start telling the truth about the complicated religious scams of the Moons and the so-called “Unification Movement”.

Why? Because I guess I discovered that I still had some conscience left alive somewhere inside of me, so I decided to come out and tell the truth, and before it shrivels up totally. Another reason for me to come out is the tragic and shameful truth that the Moon scam is paid for in blood, poverty, misery, sickness and death by a slave class of Japanese who have been, and continue to be, what must be the most hapless class of religious scam victims in history. This is worsened by the fact that the victims have been deliberately and cynically scammed by a group from another country.

I have no love or respect for the Japanese, and like most Koreans, I have rarely missed an opportunity to gloat at any Japanese misfortune with other Koreans but I guess I have to draw the line somewhere.

It is my intention to tell the truth about the Moons and the Korean feudal ‘aristocracy’ from the position of an insider in the hope that those members who still have enough of a vestigial conscience left functioning in themselves can know the unvarnished truth and fully understand the crimes that have been, and are still being, committed and either help stop the crimes from being committed, or at least walk away and not contribute even silently to these crimes. … It has been said that one of the problems with the Moon Church is that every country projects their own image of what they want the “Messiah” to be; The Japanese see an emperor to grovel to and worship, westerners saw Moon as the the second coming of Jesus, while for the Koreans a conquering King that will elevate Koreans above all other nations (you might as well know we think we are superior to the rest of the world physically, spiritually, intellectually, and culturally). Therein the problem starts, Moon’s genius was to able to manipulate facts and myths and lies to divide and conquer and get exactly what he wanted for him and his family and for Korea which has created the core culture and operating practice of the movement: Deception.

Some people may think that the Divine Principle is the religious doctrine of the ‘church’, but it is nothing more than a recruiting tool. The real ‘religion’ is like an onion, with separate layers of rules, requirements and benefits. The easiest way to understand the game is to realize that Moon wanted to set him and his family as a royal family governing as a theocracy from day one. His goal was to control all power, money, laws and rules, at least as much as he could get hold of.

The theocracy works by strict hierarchy with the Moons as the top royals, the Korean blood relatives as the minor royals, the rest of the Koreans as the aristocracy and top officials. The rest of the nations are all in the position of servants. The only absolute in the Moon church is the position of the Moons and the loyalty demanded from the members.

Have you wondered why all top posts involving power and money are controlled by Koreans?

Do not be fooled by the fact that we trust the Japanese more than our own and use then nominally to hold assets and the like – that is only because they are totally obedient.

What Moon and his family fear the most is meritocracy, God forbid if there was a level playing field, the whole game would be blown sky high. It is fantastic for us though, to have rules applied not only in a selective way but completely differently to always ensure the Moons and ourselves are on top.

My greatest personal amazement is how supposedly educated people in advanced countries have bought the enslaving myths of Moon that have in fact been precisely tailored for them without them realizing the utter insanity and nonsense of coexistence of completely contradicting realities and myths and rules, without even acknowledging the irony of it all! Maybe we are much cleverer than you.

The Japanese have bought the fantasy of ‘Eve Nation’, when in reality there never was and still is absolutely no intention to use them for any purpose other than for donations and slave labor. If and when they are no longer needed they will be dropped like a dirty habit in favor of another country (if one was available), this threat has been constantly drummed in to their heads to keep them desperate and obedient.

What they do not realize is that in private Sun Myung Moon, when he was alive, Hak Ja Han and all the Moon children and we 2nd gens in the inner circle not only have no respect for Japan and instead gloat at the way in which Korea has been taking over Japanese business, laugh at the Japanese members and refer to them in really raw, rude ways. We see it as a rightful revenge for what we think they did to us. On the other hand, we never fail to remind them of the indemnity they need to pay to us.

I have heard Japanese old members emotionally talk about how they will accept anything because they had felt loved by “Aboji” at some time. When they say this, they remind me of rabbits caught in the headlights, totally bamboozled by the Korean charismatic gift for delivering shameless emotional appeals at 1000 horsepower. The reason they were taken in is because they had only ever experienced emotion in Japan at 100 horsepower before meeting Moon, so they are convinced that 1000 horsepower emoting must be the real thing.

Given the Japanese unfortunate penchant for masochism, perhaps it is not surprising that they have been fooled, but I am truly amazed that more Westerners have not been able to see through this scam.

My jaw drops as members still refer to the Moons as “True”, as an unending string of evidence of their unbridled wickedness and hypocrisy appears on this and other sites, it makes me giggle involuntarily, as I watch Westerners falling over themselves to justify or deny their crimes contorting themselves to deny the truth.

My only explanation for it is commitment bias, nobody wants to admit they have been fooled. Please read the facts honestly and use your conscience to decide what to do. Remember the laws of physics and math, the laws of countries and most importantly of all the laws of morals and values either apply equally and universally or not at all.

Members have been trained like Pavlov’s dogs to do our (more accurately the Moons’) dirty work for us. Foreign members justify our crimes with that precise get-out-of-jail-free card that the whole Moon scam relies on.

Read more here: https://tragedyofthesixmarys.com/ashamed-to-be-korean/

___________________________________________

In 1965 Japan gave $800 million as reparations for their occupation of Korea

The Japanese government supported Korea with $800 million in 1965, $400m in 1983 and over $10 billion in 1997.

Sun Myung Moon Church used the Japanese members for profit, not religious purposes – the world’s greediest church

Suicide of Japanese ‘Moon money mule’ in Uruguay. Mother of three children

A huge Moon Church scam in Japan is revealed

Shocking video of UC of Japan demanding money – English transcript

Moon extracted $500 million from Japanese female members

Japanese woman recruited by the Unification Church and sold to an older Korean farmer

How Sun Myung Moon bought protection in Japan

The ‘True Father’ who could not forgive. Sun Myung Moon: “I haven’t been able to release my grudge towards Japanese people yet.” November 2011

[popculturebuffet]

Top 10 Sealab 2021 Episodes (Comission)

Happy 2021 Everyone! After an utterly AWFUL fucking year, it’s nice to be in a brand new year with brand new possiblities, new projects you’ll see soon, finsihing the old.. and all that good stuff. And good friend of the blog and only patron and contributer kev had a great suggestion to comission to kick off the year. Since it’s 2021 it’s only fair ot honor one of the very first adult swim shows, one taking place in the same year and still one of it’s funniest and fucking weirdest, and as we’ve seen that threshold is vast: Sealab 2021 Sealab was created by the wonder twins of Adam Reed and Matt Thomspon, and if those names sound familiar.. that’s because their the guys who created Frisky Dingo, a cult classic i’ll defintely have to write about someday soon, and more famously and in Matt’s case still to this day, Archer. Yup, after adult swim jerking them around lead to the closing of their initial studio, the two moved to FX and here they are. So yeah this is where the roots of a lot of archers workplace shenanigans and petty dickery come from.  But even ignoring what it’d lead to, Sealab on it’s own is pretty damn good and holds up pretty well. Some jokes.. have not aged well, especially the treatment of Debbie as the villiage bicycle, but on the whole most of the humor is just really funny, really weird and really insane and I still love it after this revisit even if some episodes didn’t hold up so good, most of them held up good or even better than I remembered.  The show was THE first abriged series, taking bits of old forgotten and seemingl really damn boring hannah barbara show sealab 2021, and using the footage to tell the tale of a bunch of assholes, weirdos and what have you running an underwater research station.. and being so bad at it or getting into such other insane bollocks it often blew up. Continuity was loose, jokes were the priority, and dialouge was key since the animation was not great in any way shape or form, but the cheapness was enough of a charm and improved enough with time that it didn’t really matter. The show was good and set the bar for adult swim shows for better or worse alongside other greats like Home Movies, Aqua Teen Hunger Force and others. It also had a unique cast of mostly small time actors, and bafflingly one respected news pundit as local asshole idiot head Stormy, and broadway legend Henry Goz as series MVP Captain Murphy. It was good, it was part of my childhood and teen years, and I love it so. I bought the dvds, quoted it decently and will again now Kev’s brought my fire for the series back.  So naturally for a series like this since regular reviews just don’t.. work on something this insane sometimes, i’m instead counting down my top. 10 . episodes. Yes top 10 lists are comissionable, 5 bucks a pop. As long as I know the series well enough i’d be glad to and here I ws more than honored to. I also uped my game this time and rewatched every cantidate and thus I feel this may be one of my best lists yet. So without further adeu... grab your grizzlbees oninon burst , your bebop cola and your pitcher of whale cancer. this is the top 10 episodes of sealab 2021!

10. Tinfins  This one’s a classsic just for it’s uniquness, taking the piss out of glitzy and vapid hollywood insider shows and their annoying hosts, while also being delightfully weird, from mocking the show’s own animation by having detailed cgi used to map the limited animation, to Erik Estrada’s interview where his fictional self is clearly having none of toni and is also clearly getting wasted, to the utter bizzarity of Kid N Play being the films directors.. it’s just a good time. 

But what REALLY makes the episode are two things: The first is a series of increasingly bizzare commericals for Grizzlebees, a fictional restraunt that would become a staple of the show: From a simple commerical showing off their onion bursts, to their kids meals with tonic water, to Henry Goz’s utterly bizzare farm based commerical for it, to finally a commerical about depression being okay because grizzlebee delivers that’s pitch black as it is utterly hilarious, it’s just one hit after the other.  The crown jewel of the episode of course is the trailer ofr tinfins itself, which is insane and includes great bit after great bit, the best being the titular mecha shark cutting the power “How the hell can it cut the power? It’s a shark. “ Holy Crap indeed. 

9. In the Closet A bottle episode, which Sealab really excelled at and not the last on this list by a mile, as the show’s key was it’s dialouge the episode had a simple premise it quickly managed to have make some pretty insane turns. Marco, played by the glorious Eric Estrada and Muprhy, played by the late and very game Harry Goz, have been trapped in the suply closet for a few days, with Muprhy, being muprhy, having already married a bucket who has a history as a “Hookermop” named wendy. Soon other sealabians get caught inside too, and it results in plenty of hilarious gags, From muprhy sucker punching the hell out of everyone, to Sparks panicking under claustrophiba, to the repair guy getting sucker punched and no one caring much about his well being. This one lives off of Muprhy as while the others are good, Goz as he usually did during his time on this earh and on this series before his untimely passing, steals the whole damn show, and the ending, where it turns out Muprhy adopted and starved a bunch of fighting dogs, is a nice twist on everything. And the punchilne to it is utterly fantastic “It could be worse” “How in the hell could it possibly worse?!” “We could be out there.. with Stormy”. 

8. The Legend of Baggy Pants Speaking of Bottle Episodes and Captain Murphy being awesome.... this one narrowly beat out the episode it’s a spirtual sequel too, the classsic all that jazz, but this one is easily better. Like that one it’s a bottle episode that’s almost entirely just Captain Muprhy on some sort of shenanigan, with only abit of other cast, in this case Hesh, Eggers, and an unfortunate phone operator. In this case the premise is simple, kind of nuts, and utterly hilarious and utterly captian murphy: Captain Muprhy is having a round of Golf in Sealab, which is weird but fits the character but what ratchets it up to funny is apparently this underwater research station, for no reason, has a pro shop. So after loosing his last ball in a reactor, and sending poor hesh in to get it leading to the advent of the glorious Monster Hesh, Muprhy spends the entire episode tooling around in his “Muprh Mobile” trying to find the pro shop. As a result it’s basically 11 glorious minutes of Harry Goz going absolutely mental as muprhy, and it is as great as that sounds. From Muprhy’s sudden hatred of pod 6, to his bullying of Eggers, a hapless sealabian he runs into and then tries to run over, his bullying of dolphin boy and then trying to run him over, to his compuance as eggers steals his stuff and then his muprh mobile, it’s just glorious riffing from one of the best in the buisness and Harry is still deeply fucking missed by yours truly. RIP you magificent stalion. 

7. Cavemen One of the series final episodes, and easily one of it’s best. While the later Seasons get some flack. While season 3 is a bit weak,a s Goz’ tragic passing left them stumbling, Season 4/5... it’s complicated, is REALLY damn good and has some of the series finest episodes which many probably never saw. Case in point, Cavemen.  Cavemen is another spirtual sequel this time to lost in time, which also didn’t make the list, but this one is also better. Like LIT, it focuses on one of the series best dynamics: Brainy super scientest and often only sane man Dr. Quinn and all around idiot, moron and bane of everyone’s existance, Stormy, played by Brett Butler and Ellis Henican, both of who nail the two and this episode. The two are trapped in a cave after Stormy’s stupidity blew up sealab, and his trail of dead rabbits lead a shark to him and quinn. The result is a TON of great back and forth as Stormy tries to make Quinn see him as his best friend, Quinn rightfully shouts at Stormy for... everything, and Stormy tries to show off some ancient cave painting she himself made, that quinn quickly figures out because he left his paint around, and shows that off in a very clever gag I can’t convey correctly here. We also get knife fights and Quinn beating stormy over the head with a dead rabbit, an da surprisingly solem ending where the two hold hands as they die before heading up to heaven for a happy and weird ending. Overall an episode that’s really hard to dive into as it’s just relaly damn good and all in the performances, gags and pacing, as it’s done entirely in real time. Easily worth a watch. 

6. Shrabster Another great late season episode and another really experimental one. This one’s told from back to front, then we’re given the ending. It ends up working really well as it not only jacks up interest but the story itself is great. Asj it ends up turning out over the episode Dr. Quinn’s created the solution to world hunger: The shrabster, a hybrid of crab, shrimp and lobster. Grizzlebees, naturally wants it and after finding out Sparks didn’t actually own the rights, have Shanks, muprhy’s replacement, try and steal it, only for him to fall in love with the creature and spirit it away to give it a better life.. before shooting it in the end and eating it himself. We also get some good runners as Sparks starts speaking in slang and gets his neck rightfully snapped for it by Quinn, Stormy keeps eating shellfish despite being allergic, and we get the glory that is dan and don, two grizzlebees reperceives played by reed and thompson who are just an utter delight. I also ALMOST forgot the fucking announcer whose just fucking hilaroius the whole damn time with his various segways. 

5. HappyCake An early classic and damn worthy with a simple, batshit premise, which as should be clear by now was Sealab’s Bread and Butter. Muprhy’s happycake oven has been stolen, so he sends Stormy (who knows about the captain’s bedwetting and thus must be silenced) Quinn and a fishman out to find it in the ocean. Turns out it’s Sparks, in a character defining episode, fault as he’s working on world domination, and thus is working on driving murphy insane and thus stole it. He and marco discuss Marco becoming his henchman and getting metal teeth, Muprhy goes nuts, it’s a damn good time. Also a lot of talk of Michael Cain so that’s always a plus now I know who he is. And of course it has one of the series best lines period “Pudding can’t help the void inside” but it’ll help. Only this low because i’ts a bit structually messy compared to what’s to come and given it beat out two really damn good structurally episodes for this slot, that should say something. 

4. Hail Squishface! No best of list would be complete without this one. Once again the show banks itself on a simple premise: Captain Muprhy buys a white blob, a gloop, from a vendor and gives it liquor and gremlins style his little buddy multiplies and he soon gives them out to the crew. Everyon’es on board except Quinn.. whos naturally proven right ot be suspicious as the gloops methane output will doom them all and only muprhy, whose gone insane and is wearing squishface like a fez as you’d expect, wants them alive leading to what you’d expect: a flamethrower battle between muprhy and the crew with murphy decked out like a transformer.  This one’s just endlessly creative, from the various glooptransformations to the finale to the gags, i’ts just great. The fart gags are also.. actually pretty funny, which given i’m not a fart gag guy most of the ttime, speaks to how well executed they are and use the gags of htem being fart machines. Also we get muprhy in a fez and that alone cements it as top 5 matieral.. but as for the top 3. 

3. Moby Sick

Our last late season entry and the third to last episode of the show ever, this is top 3 for a reason, even above a classic like Hail Squishface. This one just has so many insane jokes packed in I forget quite a few despite them all being pretty damn great.  The premise is dour: A whale named Avalard shows up in Sealab wanting to die, as he has whale cancer. Stormy recognizes him as the star of the show “Gotta Have that Dick”, even saying “I gotta have that dick!”.. which of course they have a loop of ellis saying in the credits he correctly assumes will haunt him for the rest of his days. And if a whale starring in a cheesy 90′s tgif sitcom wasn’t enough we get the best gag of the episode as Marco eats some of avalard’s whale cancer leading to an insnae kool aid style add

And of course Marco later puts on a Mayor F Whale outfit and eats the cancer.. and his way out of avalard. But before that we get fights over wether the whale should die or not, including the guy on the pro whale side stabbing him, Debby’s rambling nosense and Shanks, who first builds a wooden whale to put his brain in .. that promptly sinks “and all my puppies were in there!” and then goes on a far right pundit show and gets into a giant robot phsyical challenge.. which frankly we need more of. Tucker Carlson would be .0001 percent more tolerbale if he were getting his ass kicked in a gundam is what i’m saying. 

2. Feast of Alvis I’ll be brief here, which in an article where i’m already trying to be brief says a lot but since I JUST covered this one a few weeks ago for my best holiday special lists: Feast of Alvis is, like most of sealab, deeply creative, deeply batshit and deply fun as Muprhy pushes his violent frontier version of jesus on everyone, with predicably great results. I watch it every year for damn good reason, it has some of the series best gags, including “Cram a penny o nthere” And great satire about the supposed “War on christmas”. I’m only being so breif as I said pretty much all I had to say last time. Exxcept this: Adam Reed is a DAMN talented voice actor both as virjay (though in hindishgt he REALLY shoudln’t of been playing a hindu man, especially since otherwise the series actually cast poc), and in various rolls and kills it as alvis here. So what could top one of my faviorites? Wellll.

1. Chickmate Another early one and as should be clear the best. It incapsulates the series the best, has the funniest jokes packed into it’s 11 minutes and in general is just an outstanding episode that throughly defined the cast and their rolls and chemistry.  Debbie’s biological clock is ticking and she wants to have a baby, and after mothering a dolphin dosen’t help decides one of the sealab men will be the father and auditions them. It goes as well as you’d expect: Muprhy thought she’d become his mommy, and not in a kinky way, Sparks provides one of the series best gags by giving her a modest proposal by jonathan twist and giving us the utter black comedy joy of him describing “ribs dripping off the bone”, Stormy’s tape gets interrupted by Hesh who clasically screams “Hesh wants some sex”, Marco freaks her out with his muscles and quinn seems sucessful before ultimately botching it and Debbie decides none of htem are worth it. We also get stormy’s untieontally racist and throughly stupid use of the term “Black debbie” to describe the other debbie, which he gets rightfully called out on. We also get this exchange as a result Quinn: What if everyone started calling you white stormy? Stormy: You mean there’s a .. black stormy Quinn: (Beat to take in the stupidity) no. 

It’s funny, it’s clever, and it’s just damn fun. Easily the series best outing and the reason it became what it became. And overall.. the series is just really good. it’s on HBO Max if your curious, and if you haven’t vistied that lab underneath the sea. maybe i’ts time to. Goodbye, Goodbye, goodbye for now, until then.. play us out marco and debbie. 

[apathycarestostudy]

Things Every 20+ y/o Should Start Doing (if you haven't) - unedited and unfiltered.

Twenty is a magical age. I don't know why it's not said as often as it should be, but truly, I feel like it's as just a turning point as 30 or 40 is. This is when you struggle the most to come to terms with yourself, or deliberately say you have. This is when you're becoming "conscious" as I like to think to the world — whatever the world means to you.

So, in lieu of hitting 21 a couple of months ago, I've decided to compile a list of things I believe every twenty and more year old should try. If they haven't already, of course.

1. Journaling

I've always been apprehensive of keeping a record of all my thoughts and woes as I thought that would be (a) used against me if found and/or (b) be an admission that I feel some type of way about something. Both of these concerns are damn childish and I'm glad I kinda got over it now that I'm journaling regularly, but I still hold back a little unfortunately. Well. The point of this is that 20 is an awakening that's worth journaling about, even if you have nothing going on. Write letters to your future self, to your families and friends and that one asshole you hate and the shoes you're wearing and —

Also, I always thought I didn't feel any type of way about things until I started journaling and realized I do. Yikes. You might want to make like me and face them now.

2. Learn something new everyday

Did you know that the heart of a shrimp is located in its head?

Life is unfair. There’ll be times when you feel this in all its potency. But just know this - everything can be taken from you, sans your knowledge. Overrated, a little debatable (because, mental illnesses), but it’s a neat standard to have. Plus, if you’re not well adverse in maintaining conversation, or you’re in a tight spot, spouting a random fact would help lighten the mood.

3. Pause your indignation

We’re in the age of getting mad, triggered, attacked, whatever else and that’s sad and unhealthy as all hell. What happened to being cool? To giving people the benefit of the doubt? Are we so fragile now that anything could throw us into our feelings regardless of whether it’s valid or not? 

Okay, you were wronged. You are absolutely entitled to how you feel about it too. But you know what you can control? Your reaction. Your response. How you carry yourself and the way you go about it is what matters. It won’t feel as good in the beginning when you can’t bust someone up (or yourself), but you’ll be proud of yourself. You successfully refused to relinquish a piece of yourself. 

4. Decide what standards you won’t breach

This goes hand-in-hand with the last point, but isn’t entirely the same. If your standard is to always respect everyone, you can’t be late when you gotta meet them because that constitutes disrespect. You don’t tolerate something, don’t engage in it. Draw the fine lines and stay within them. Whatever your code of honor is, you have to stay true to them no matter the situation you’re put in. 

P.s. let it be something righteous, self and community loving, positive. This is not a plea for unreasonable stubbornness.

5. Watch something you wouldn’t normally watch

This is an interesting one. I remember as a teenager, I’d proudly declare what genres I’d never cross over to and what was beneath me, with absolutely no sound reasoning behind it. It was a baseless generalization of what’s cool and what wasn’t in my eyes. Let me tell you, some of the things I claimed wasn’t my cup of tea became my bottle of water (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

Hah.

Well, I didn’t come upon this epiphany by myself. My siblings put on a show I’d never be caught dead watching and by the end of it, then I got the epiphany. Now, whatever random video I run into on YT, any show that someone suggests that isn’t what I’m into, a documentary about something outside of my faith I’ll watch. It not only polishes your tastes, it broadens your horizons.

6. Learn to let go

7. Pick your role models wisely

This is insanely important at this age. You don’t want to realize too late that your aspirations didn’t become anything meaningful because of the people around you. Who do you look up to? What traits of theirs do you want to integrate into your being? What do they do that you’d like to do some day? If the people you look up to do not fall into any of these things, I strongly suggest you don’t invest any more time into them. I don’t mean cut off your toxic parents or anything life altering like that, I mean ignore the things that don’t fuel your goals. I’m not saying you pick someone and mimic everything they do, I mean critically choose what lessons you’ll take from them.

Be weary of the people you follow. Don’t follow blindly. 

8. Rekindle an old hobby

I used to read a whole book in a day. At the most, I’d stretch it out to a week, but nothing more. It was a glorious time in my life where I just got into anime, steam rolling through seasons, then writing fanficition, wasting sleeping time to write more and post several times in one night, not to mention playing flash games but now I barely do any of that anymore. I keep buying more books and not much of it are getting read. I keep typing drafts that I never publish. I scroll through anime lists before closing the tab, fruitless. 

You must have had a fun hobby when you were younger. Why not slot in a time to try it again? You may be lucky enough to reignite that passion. It’s worth a shot in the race to feeling good the right way.

9. Follow the world news

At this point, there’s no avoiding it because of the current climate. But anyways, it’s important to know what’s going on over yonder because it not only feeds your intellect, it keeps you cultured and it humbles you in a way I can’t describe. It also opens a new conversation topic for you, and as someone who wasn’t into dipping into ANY type of news, it reduces the amount of side eyes you get from people who do. It didn’t bother me before, but again, when one of my siblings kept announcing the news to us everyday, I woke up early and skimmed through google news and just waited until he rolled in the room. His face fell when I started reciting the recent headlines and I’ve never looked back since. 

P.p.s I do not mean entertainment news. Indulge in that if you like it of course, but please, cast your lovely gaze on world news as well.

10. Try and make more friends

I know. I practically hiss at people who approach me. I wasn’t always like this, but circumstance and people’s audacity brutally murdered me every time I reached out. It’s not like I’m antisocial - I’m always kind and accommodating to anyone who comes my way, but I stopped putting myself out there completely. 

I can’t tell you to change and start talking to people, I’m saying to give the newcomers a chance. Don’t treat everyone the same way because that’s not fair and you might lose the opportunity to have another friend. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m stilling hissing at the assholes who forgot how to act right.

P.p.p.s Real life friends. Online friends are just as precious, but it’s healthy to have joy close by as well.

And that’s about as much as I can think of at the top of my head. There are many life lessons I’ve had the privilege to learn, and many more that have yet to come, and so have you. Here’s to our collective success and happiness, our failures and sadness, and all the pointless shit in between. 20s is a ride that doesn’t have to just be full of holes and mistakes and regrets. I really wish people would stop saying it will be and decide for me.

[nialltlynch]

thanks for tagging me @grrrrrr-argh! the game is to list your 10 favorite female characters from 10 different fandoms!

Azula from Avatar: the Last Airbender. i am pro-azula and you cannot change my mind. she deserved so much better!!

Nica Stamatis from Greater Boston. sweet sweet nica is just trying her best okay? i adore her and i want to protect her. let her be a little angry, she deserves it, but also let her rest PLEASE.

Grace Monroe from Infinity Train. i already liked her when she showed up in s2 and i LOVED her arc in s3. the growth!!

Allison Hargreeves from The Umbrella Academy. it's my personal opinion that she should be allowed to be a little evil. as a treat. that scene in s2 at the diner with the coffee?? yeah more of THAT

Hennessy from the Dreamer Trilogy. she is a sloppy awful mess and i love her with my entire chest. she, too, deserves to be a little evil. so glad she has a sword!!

Helen Richardson from The Magnus Archives. specifically distortion!helen since that's who we saw the most of. she makes for an absolutely fantastic throat of deception / slow descent into insanity. love that for her!

San from Princess Mononoke. FERAL WOLF WOMAN. IF SHE SEES YOU IT'S ON SIGHT.

Nice Holystone from Baccano! the girl makes BOMBS and LIQUOR. she's also the sweetest but will not hesitate to kick your ass. in short, she's amazing!!

Jolyne Kujoh from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. my second favorite jojo and my favorite main stand. truly she is an icon. i barely remember part 6 but The Vibes were top tier.

Isabelle from Animal Crossing. i just think she's neat 😊

here is where i'm supposed to tag 10 people but i do not see it 🙈 if you see this please feel free to do it and say i tagged you!

[princeazurathepathetic]

Do you have any Azura headcanons?

Thank you for sending an ask, and yes I do, quite a few.

But they’re all under the cut because some of them are spoilery and I have some followers who have never played Fates

1. She did not know about her and Corn being cousins. (they never state in game if Azura knew, so Imma say that she did not)

2. Out of her Hoshibros, she was closest to Hinoka. (I rlly like their supports lmao)

3. In her first few days in Hoshido, she was convinced that they were lying about not wanting to her, and every time they wanted to help her or give her food, she was convinced they wanted to kill her.

4. She actually had a decent relationship w/ Garon before he became possessed and shit. Especially when Arete and Garon were courting.

5. She barely remembers this, though.

6. She had one friend in Nohr, (one of her step-siblings) but they were one of the first to die in the concubine-wars

7. This sibling liked to tell ghost stories, and that is where her love for ghost stories came from

8. She’s a crazy cat lady at heart lmao

9. Her favourite memory of her memory of Arete was when she got to sit in the audience at one of shows in Cyrkensia. This is what inspired her to become a singer just like mama

10.Her and her wonderful nephew (Kiragi when will u be added in Heroes?) have a really good relationship, and he makes her feel wholesome and good.

10. She’s terrible with kids due to most of the kids she knew growing up tried to kill her at some point.

10. She actually did have retainers for a short while in Hoshido, but they didn’t trust her due to her being “Nohrian” and eventually betrayed her. And she hasn’t wanted to have retainers since (bc of her amazing trust issues)

11. She truly and deeply thinks nobody loves her lol (not really a hc but whatever)

12. Sometimes when she’s in Valla, she visits her fathers grave, placing flowers even tho she doesn’t remember him

13. Although she likes Hoshido in almost every way better than Nohr, she doesn’t enjoy the fashion as much, and that’s why she doesn’t wear Hoshidan clothes

14. Mikoto made her the dress she has right now, making sure to make it look Vallite and not Nohrian

15. She tried to learn how to ride a pegasus while in Hoshido, but failed miserably.

16. For a while, she asked what Corrin was like, and tried to be like them, in hopes to raise her Hoshibros’s spirits

17. It didn’t work at all, and just strained her relationship with Pineapple more.

18. Upon meeting Mikoto for the first time, Mikoto asked if her mother was in good health. When Azura answered with the fact that her mama was dead, Mikoto almost started crying. Azura never knew why until she finds out they were sibs

19. Her and Oboro have a pretty terrible relationship (i’m sure u can figure out why)

20. One time in Hoshido, she lost her pendant, and made everyone stay up looking for it.

21. She hates tomatoes. Her and Leo will often argue about whether they taste good (it never goes anywhere but u know Leo, he needs to be right about everything)

22. She tried to save Arthur when he defended her (see their supports)

23. The guards at Castle Krakenburg hated her guts cuz they would always get in trouble when she ran away.

24. She knows about Sakura’s dolls (see Kaze and Sakura’s supports) and actually helped her make a few of them

25. She never knows how to react to physical affection

26. Like when someone hugs her, she just awkwardly pats them on the back and tries to get them off of her

27. She was very suspicious of Jakob for a while when she first met him. 

28. His over the top love of Corn reminded her of her retainers shortly before they tried to kill her, and she was convinced he was buttering Corn up and was going to hurt them at some point

29. She does not get along very well with her wonderful nephew Shiro. She finds him too loud and brash.

30. She supports Forrest with every bit of her living soul and would die for him.

31. She doesn’t really know how to talk with Sieggy, and most of their conversations are really awkward small talk.

32. She finds Kana, like Elise, a handful, and far too much energy for her.

33. When she dies in Conquest and Birthright, she thinks of Shigure, and how he must be experiencing the same thing that she did when her mama died

34. She absolutely hated having to put Shigure in the deeprealms, since she didn’t want Shigure to have to grow up without parents there, like she did

35. She only ever wears clothes that match with her pendant. That way, people are less likely to notice it.

36. She wasn’t originally planning to stay with Corn in conquest. She planned on just staying with them untill htey were near enough to the border for her to get back to Hoshido

37. But then she started to like Corn, and opted to stay

38. It was incredibly hard for her to have to watch Pineapple’s descent into insanity.

39. And she stayed up crying about it a lot.

40. She’s babie.

41. Also she doesn’t actually know how to swim, she just kinda uses her pendant to drift thru water (like in the first cutscene u see her in)

44. She actually likes her Nohrian Dance outfit more but will never admit to it.

Those are the only ones I can think of off the top of my head lmao.

Thanks for the ask! Stay safe and wash ur hands ya’ll

[kittenfemme27]

Bastion: What it means to truly move on.

“Someday, your bird is gonna fly.”

Bastion is the first game released by what is now the critically acclaimed Supergiant Games, makers of other games like Transistor, Pyre, and most recently Hades. But back in 2011 they were a nobody. 7 developers from various backgrounds within the industry came together to make games that could focus on storytelling first and foremost more than any of their previous studios would allow. Bastion was the result of that. Starting out from the idea of a top down isometric RPG, Supergiant realized that they wanted to portray a world that was fractured and broken, and wanted to show the vast and empty sky as a contrast to that destruction, but realized the camera angle wouldn’t allow this. So they came up with the idea that the ground would come up in front of the player as they walked forward, allowing the empty sky to show beneath them since the groundwork would not originally be laid until the player walked towards it. To explain this choice and why the world reacted this way, a destructive event known as “The Calamity” was created in the game's story. Thus, Bastion found its ethos.

Bastion’s a masterpiece. Plain and simple. It's been ported to nearly everything under the sun for a reason, being playable on literally 3 different console generations as well as every OS a PC can run, but coming back to play this game for the first time within the current political and geological climate that we find ourselves within as time goes on only makes it more and more apparent how much the story has to say. Even if you could somehow ignore it’s absolutely incredible music, insanely varied and addictive and yet delightfully simple gameplay, jaw dropping art direction and set pieces, Bastion’s storytelling is at its core and the story it has to tell is one that I think a lot of people didn’t fully appreciate back in 2011. From what I could find online, most people either ignored it in favor of the gameplay, or let the meaning of it glaze over them. And that's really, deeply a shame. Because Bastion is one of the best games I have ever played. And I’d like to talk about why.

Gameplay:

“Kid just rages for a while...”

I want to start first and foremost by talking about the gameplay and how you engage with the world. Combat in Bastion is simple and not exactly groundbreaking. An isometric hack ‘n’ slash with 2 weapon slots and a single ability, with a shield that has a parry mechanic and a dodge roll with fairly lenient invulnerability frames. Player movement is very, very slow which encourages you to very quickly become proficient in dodging and blocking. It’s fun, for sure, if just a little bit easy. But it’s nothing to write home about at first. As you play, though, you’ll begin to uncover Bastion's hidden depth and variety within its combat. A lot of that depth comes from the sheer number of Weapons, Upgrades, Passives, and Skills you can equip in any combination. 

You are given 11 weapons, each of which can be upgraded with collectibles found within the levels for a total of 5 times per weapon, and these upgrades form a loose “trees” of upgrades that you can switch between at will. You can make the Spear better at critical hits and critical damage and faster thrusts, or make it better at throwing with more spears per throw, for example. Every single weapon has a 2 distinctive upgrade “Trees” in this way that clearly make it better at one specific aspect of the weapon, but you are free to mix and match these upgrades as you see fit. Maybe you want the Spear to have a high critical hit rate, but also throw 2 spears per throw, you can do that. It’s also worth mentioning that there are no restrictions placed upon you on what type of weapons you want to take. You can take two melee weapons, or two ranged weapons, whatever combination you desire is up to you. The narrator even has a line for literally every combination you can have that you’ll hear upon exiting the armory. Some compare you to legends of yore from the game worlds past, others point out just how plain silly it is for the Kid to carry both a mortar launcher and a rocket launcher.

Each weapon also comes with two skills that you can use during gameplay, ranging from protective skills like one that makes you block all attacks for a few seconds, to damage based skills such as the Bow’s skill that fires a ricocheting arrow between enemies. Even then, there are other Skills that are tied to no weapons at all which brings the total of skills in the game to 30.

In addition, there’s the Tonic system in which each level up confers a slot that you can equip a drink from the bar, for a total of 10 at max level. These function as passives applied to your character that allow even further customization. Some are basic things you’d expect, such as overall more health, or more restoration or ability potions, a flat 15% damage resistance, and so on. A number of these however offer a very very strong benefit in exchange for a side effect. Werewhiskey, for example, gives you a 100% crit rate but only below 35% health. Doomshine offers a permanent 10% crit but takes away 10% of your health permanently. Or Leechade, which allows you to gain health from striking enemies, but makes your health potions only 1/3rd as effective. These can all be stacked upon each other in any order or combination. You choose and be changed at any point between missions..

All of these systems together enhance the very simple hack ‘n’ slash combat to be something with infinitely more depth than presented to you at first glance, and something that you can experiment with as much as you want, since no choice is permanent. Part of the way it encourages you to experiment are the Weapon Challenge missions that crop up each time you obtain a new weapon. They ask you to complete some sort of challenge related to that weapon with no Skills, no other weapons, and in some of them not even the ability to dodge or block. Besting these will net you 1 of 3 prizes, depending on how well you did, With the first two prizes being upgrade materials and the last being a Skill for the weapon the challenge is based on.

Beating Bastion unlocks a “Score-Attack” version of New Game+ that keeps a running overall score during the whole game and during stage specific score for each mission, with a multiplier and a timer to keep that multiplier up. This effectively turns the game into a leaderboard chasing isometric arcade game. Every enemy adds 1 to the multiplier, and resets the timer, so it's up to you to run through each mission as fast as possible and challenge yourself to see what kind of score you can get, and since it lets you replay any mission you want, you can always find ways to get a higher and higher score. One of my playthroughs of this game was on the PS Vita and even since beating it, I've found myself trying to one-up my own score while i’m just sitting around since each mission only takes about 10-20 minutes. The most challenging content in the game is a set of 4 different repeatable combat arena’s with 20 waves of some of the toughest enemies in the game. You can make this even harder by invoking each God within the games Pantheon and raising the difficulty of every enemy you encounter. Doing this raises how many points you get per kill, and in these combat arena’s I’ve regularly topped a million points in just a single stage from precise gameplay.

I think that’s what I find amazing about Bastion’s combat is that despite 3 playthroughs, I never once found myself bored or annoyed by any of it. All 3 of my playthroughs had me switching up Weapons, Upgrades, Skills, and Tonics between every mission just to experiment and see what crazy builds I could make. Every challenge was always a delight and a real test of skill, every mission a romp where I got to find a new weapon and play with it each time. Often, I would die, but that was fine! Losing in Bastion is fun. It’s part of the experience, because you can always go back and change your build to whatever you desire to try again. In a way, it’s fitting for the entire theme of the game. It’s the End of the world, and there are no more rules. Do whatever you’ve gotta do. Might as well have fun with it, while you do. 

Art & Sound:

“I suppose all that's left... is to try'n remember this moment.”

I think the other reason that I didn’t get bored on any of my 3 playthroughs of Bastion was the absolutely breathtaking art and music the game features. The soundtrack, composed by Darren Korb, clocks in only at an hour and while that does sometimes mean that there are repeats of songs, I'd be lying if I told you there was a single song on that score that I didn’t absolutely love. Or that I thought was out of place during any section of the game. Each and every song is its own radically different soundscape that, in songs like “Brynn the Breaker”, invokes a feeling of complete and utter destruction around you and a sense of leaning into that destruction. It’s fitting that the first time this song plays, you are almost assuredly going to hear the line “Kid just rages for awhile...” as you wreck each and every enemy and object around you after waking up on a floating rock in the sky.  Meanwhile, in other songs such as “Build that Wall”, it's clear that Supergiant was acutely aware of the impact their music could have on a scene. In Caelondia, the games world, “Build that Wall” is a jingoistic anthem meant to inspire the Cael by noting the danger they face from the outside world and from the Ura, a people who live to the east, and implores them to build walls to keep everyone else but keep themselves safe. But the first time you hear that song, you’ll be rolling through the dilapidated ruins of Prosper Bluff, a place overrun by birds ready to rip you apart and barely hanging together by literal boards between each floating island, and not a wall in sight. Guided only by the simultaneously soothing and haunting voice of an Ura girl singing the theme of the people who hate her. In that moment, it sounds much more sorrow and sad than any anthem for a nation ever could.

Darren Korb has stated that the point of Bastions music was meant to invoke a sense of the “American Frontier”, of exploring new and uncharted land, but it’s interwoven with melodic and slow moments of tragedy and despair, featuring lots of slow acoustic guitar and lots of slow vocals when there are any at all. I really cannot praise enough this choice of frontier-ism interwoven into the music itself, as it sells the entire theme of the game perfectly.

The art of the game is just as fantastic, too. Supergiant set out to make sure you could see the sky in a top down game, which sounds a little absurd and like a nearly impossible feat, and yet they succeeded with such aplomb it almost seems like it was easy. Below each stage is a blurred barrage of trees, nature, clouds, sky, sometimes ruins within those things, it reminds you constantly that the world has ended and nature has reclaimed it. Progressing further and further down the set of missions and further away from the Bastion and Caelondia sees you going more and more into what's left of those wilds and away from the ruins of civilization, before reaching the icy peaks in the east of the Ura. It creates this feeling of loss and tragedy at what's lost, a sense of exploration into this new and unknown world, before finally getting to it's cold center as you get closer to the truth of the Calamity.

In general, the art style of Bastion feels like a living breathing oil painting. Features on people are exaggerated with small bodies, yet large heads and eyes and hands or feet. Making them feel like something out of a children's book. Every single thing in the game is full of color and life, down to the animals and the foliage, with the only notable exceptions being the ruins of buildings that are oppressive and gray, and the final cold reaches of the Ura’s leftover ruins. Because of the oil painting aesthetic, the narration, even the surreality of the world coming up before you, Bastion feels a lot more like playing a fairy tale than anything else I've ever played, even things that have tried to emulate that same effect. Bastion reminds us that the presentation of a game, in both its art and its music, tell just as much about the story and the world of a game as the actual story itself does.

Story: (Spoiler Warning)

“Now here’s a kid who’s whole world got twisted, leaving him stranded on a rock in the sky.”

Bastion is a game about a lot of things, but at its heart, it’s a game about Tragedy. A tragedy you can’t prevent no matter what you do, because it has already happened. Setpieces in the game constantly remind you of this, like going through the Hanging Gardens, a place where people used to gather and finding nothing but ashen corpses. Rucks, Bastion’s narrator, will even tell you the names of these people. I remember playing this game in 2011 and being upset at this. I wanted to know about Maude the Tutor, I wanted to hear the life of Percy the Snitch, but I couldn’t. That was the tragedy. It didn’t register with me at the time, but that was the point. I was supposed to be upset I couldn’t know these people, that they died in a tragedy I couldn’t prevent. 

The core story of Bastion revolves around a war that took place some 50 odd years ago. Caelondia and her people, versus the Ura. In the modern day, before the calamity, the war was over. There was an Ura named Zulf who was trying to broker peace, even. But the Caelondian’s military-science division, the “Mancers” had a secret weapon. One they intended to use to get rid of the Ura for good. It would cause a genocide of the very land the Ura lived in and cause it to literally fall into nothing, ripping apart the physical earth where it stood before. Worse yet, this weapon was being created by an Ura inventor that lived within Caelondia named Venn under threat to his daughter, Zia. Venn couldn’t stand to aid the destruction of his people and sabotaged the weapon that ushers in the Calamity with vengeance in his heart, so that it would backfire and take Caelondia down with it. Imagine Venns shock, then, when the mancers asked him to pull the trigger.

Turns out an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Just like that, the Calamity has already happened. The Ura who were discriminated against in every part of Cael society and the racism and cycle of vengeance and violence within the Caels and the Ura reached a boiling point that caused the literal end of the world.. And that’s where you wake up. In a world already torn apart and crumbling before you. On a rock in the sky.

Tragedy permeates everything about the game. In the Hanging Gardens, you find Zulf as he’s about to kill himself after watching his Cael wife crumble to ash right before his eyes. When you meet the second survivor, an Ura singer who just so happens to be Zia, Venns daughter. She’s mournfully singing the tune of Caelondia that was the anthem used to inspire the Caels to oppress her own people, and her sweet voice sounds like the dying breath of an entire nation. Bastion makes it very clear that these people's lives as they knew them are over. But then Bastion asks you a simple question: You have to keep going, so what are you going to do with that world?

Before you get to make that choice, though, you’re asked to decide the fate of a man who hurts you. Zulf at one point reads the journal of Venn that he obtains from Zia and learns everything about the Calamity. He learns about the Mancers plan to genocide his people. He learns about Venns sabotage. Zulf spent his entire life advocating for peace between the two peoples, and this is what he’s met with. Unable to stand it, he attempts to destroy the Bastion and flees after injuring Rucks. As you chase him, he lures you far from the Bastion and sends the signal to an entire army of Ura survivors to attack the Bastion, even persuading Zia to come with him to try and convince her to abandon the Bastion. In the end, though. You chase him all the way to the heart of the Ura nation and as retaliation for bringing someone so powerful who kills so many Ura, the Ura forces attack Zulf and leave him for dead. You come across his body and are given a choice to either leave him and carry on, or take him with you and abandon your weapon. You’re asked right then and there, can you forgive someone who hurt you and your chance at fixing the world and break the cycle of violence? Or will you press on, like Venn, with vengeance in heart. If you choose to save Zulf, you walk forward with zulf on your shoulder through multiple Ura archers shooting you nearly to death. It’s only once they realize that you’re trying to save Zulf do they stop trying to attack you. This moment of compassion, this breaking of the cycle, inspires the Ura to let you pass. If you choose not to save him, you must battle an entire army, which isn’t even hard for you at that point. It’s a bloodbath. You, a Cael kid from nowhere, end the last of the Ura outside of Zia who knows so little of her culture that she can’t even read the journal her father left over. You succeed where the Mancers failed. The cycle of violence remains unbroken within you and within your heart.

You’re given two options upon returning to the Bastion at the end. You can use the power of the Bastion to reset the world to where it was before the Calamity. You’ll lose all your memories, but everyone and everything that died will be okay and alive again. There’s a risk, though. Rucks has no way of knowing if this plan will work. If it will prevent the Calamity in the end. “Problem with a machine that sets things back to a bygone time,”  he says, “Is that you can’t test it.”

Your other option is Zia’s choice, though both her and Rucks support whatever decision you make, they know it’s not an easy choice. Her plan is to turn the Bastion into a floating island ship that can travel anywhere. To forge a new world and look for survivors on other floating islands and carry on in this destroyed world and find hope within that tragedy. Make something new, and beautiful, from the ashes of something dead. Maybe that’s not possible, she thinks, but it’s better than recreating a world with institutional violence, with cycles of hate and vengeance, a world where something like the Calamity could happen in the first place.

Supergiant knew what most people would pick, though. Resetting seems like the only real choice, at first. Maybe the Calamity will happen again, maybe it won’t, but you can’t just let all those people die. The whole game has been building up to fixing the Calamity. Rucks, old and clinging to the past, is sure that resetting it will work and that things will be okay again. He’s a bit like a father figure to you, too. He’s narrated every action you took, made sure you were never truly alone in this ruinous world. So of course you trust him. An overwhelming amount of people chose to reset the world the first time they play. I did, too. I knew that maybe the Calamity would happen again, but I couldn’t just let everyone die. Maybe things would be different, I thought. Maybe this time people won’t let something like a genocide happen again. Maybe Venn won’t pull the trigger. I didn’t know, but it was better than letting everyone die, right? It had to be. I had to hope that I made the right decision. So with trepidation in my heart. I chose to reset everything.

Rucks comforts you when you choose to reset that “No matter what happens next... you done good.” Credits roll. You see pictures of the lives of each character in the reset Caelondia. The lonesome Kid continues his work as a mason on the wall built to keep the Ura out, where he isolated himself after losing everyone in his life. The only person to ever sign up for 2 tours on the Wall. Rucks continues his work on the Bastion, refining it for the future, meaning that there’s still a need for a safeguard like it in the first place. Zia plays a concert on her harp with a mournful look on her face, she found comfort in music but that comfort was equally as isolating and lonely, what with her being an Ura girl in Caelondia. Zulf gets married to his fiancee, blissfully unaware of the impending genocide on his people while he fruitlessly brokers peace. Upon seeing these credits, these images of the lives of these characters, I knew I made a mistake. History is going to repeat itself. Sure they were alive, and so was everyone else, but the cycle of violence remains unbroken and eventually, even if the Calamity that befell the world the first time doesn’t happen again, another will. Rucks final words in this ending are a simple forlorn goodbye. “So long kid... Maybe I'll see you in the next one. Caelondia... We’re coming home.”

Choosing this ending left me feeling anxious at first, and then hollow and empty. I didn’t save anyone, I just clung to the past. I expected things to be different in a world where something like the Calamity could happen in the first place. I knew, then, that for there to be any hope at all I had to move on from the old world. I had to do right by Rucks, by Zia, even by Zulf. They were my friends. They deserved better, they deserved more. They deserved a world without the conflict and violence that Caelondia brings. I understood even more clearly what I had done when, upon starting a new game, Rucks final words echoed over the loading screen. As far as I could tell, the Calamity had happened again. Rucks even makes comments of feeling a sort of deja-vu while retelling the story and is much less confident resetting will work the second go around, for a reason he just can’t quite explain.

Bastion is a story about tragedy, about generational trauma left over from a war, about the cycle of violence and all that it perpetuates. It’s a story about waking up in a world that has already crumbled and fallen apart through no fault of your own and being told there is nothing you can do about that destruction. And there isn’t. Climate change is a bigger problem now in 2020 than it ever was in 2011. People are going to die, it’s just an awful fact at this point. Those in charge continue to ignore that fact and these issues while also continuing to stoke the fires and flames of the impoverished and destitute more and more every day, bleeding them dry for any pennies they might have. 

But that’s not all Bastion has to say. It’s not fair for the next generation just like it wasn’t fair for the Kid, to wake up in a world already destroyed, and yet still, people like the Kid and Zia found hope. Within Bastion, you can save Zulf and end the cycle of violence, you can choose Zia’s option and set out on a world that is better for everyone in the end, as ruined as it is. Even in the end of the world and everything you knew, there is hope. Bastion doesn’t just ask, it begs on hands and knees for the next generation to take up this dying world and make it better. Bastion, and Supergiant, believes in the next generation. that it's possible to move on from the past and make something better, to seize control and make a better world while purposefully never forgetting the cycles of violence that led us to the end of the world in the first place. Our great Calamity is already unfolding before us and there isn’t anything we can do to stop it, only delay it. Bastion tells us that it's okay, that we can make something beautiful, and new, and better from those ashes. 

In the scene for the Evacuation ending, Rucks tells us that he’s not sure how to live in a world like this, but he’s willing to learn. And excitedly offers to help teach you how to fly the Bastion through the skies. The very first image you see during the credits then, is the Kid finally collapsing of exhaustion and resting while Rucks tucks him in. The next is Zia looking forward on the deck of the Bastion, a smile on her face and hope in her heart. You get to see Rucks later teaching the Kid how to fly the Bastion, finally giving the Kid the family that he so desperately needed, and finally you see Zulf. He’s got a frown on his face, he’s still lost everything in the Calamity after all. More than anyone. But he’s chopping food for everyone else still, helping out where he can. I couldn’t help but think upon seeing his expression that he might hate me for the rest of my life, and that was alright. I’d always just be happy he was alive. Seeing the smiling faces of everyone in the Evacuation made something very clear to me. In the Old World, Zia was an outcast, Zulf was a fool, Rucks was nostalgic, and the Kid was alone. In the Calamity, they found friendship, they found happiness, they found love and family in each other, they found adventure and they found hope for the future. Zia’s final words to the Kid echoed in my head:

"Any moment I'd want to live again... happened after the Calamity. Not before."

And I was at peace. I knew I had done the right thing I had chosen to move on, accepting the world for what it was and not looking for miracle solutions to fix it or change it, but to forge on ahead with what I had and make something better. 

Bastion’s story is not directly told to you, especially after the ending. There is no epilogue that tells you exactly what happened, just a few lines of dialogue that you can make of what you will and some pictures of the lives after your choice. it’s never explicitly stated that the Calamity happens again if you choose to reset things. It’s meaning is in between the lines that Rucks has to say. It’s In the subtext. It's in the art, it's in the environment, like the tragedy of finding nothing but ashen corpses around a lone peace talker right before he’s about to jump to his death. It’s in the music, like the haunting melody of an outcast’s voice singing the song of her oppressors while never realizing how much the very city she was raised in tried to exterminate her. But more than anything it's in the feeling you get while you play. Bastion’s story plays out in your heart as much as it plays out in your mind and on the screen in-front of you. What you feel, what you make of it, that’s just as important to the meaning of the story as what you’re hearing and seeing. Obviously this can be said of all stories, but Bastion is maybe the one that’s resonated most in my heart and in my soul more so than any other story. It offers no simple answers, no painless choices, and no easy ways out. Move on, or cling to the past, those are your only two options and Bastion forces you to make a choice.

In the end, I chose a new world. A better world. A world with my friends that would never let the cycles of violence and the generational trauma that caused the Calamity to happen again. Sure, resetting technically brings everyone back to life, but it wasn’t until I chose to move on and move forward that I felt I could even say in my heart that I’d saved anyone at all. 

Conclusion: 

“I dig my hole, you build a wall.”

“Build that wall, and build it strong, Cause we’ll be there before too long.”

Bastion is, and I'm not saying this lightly, a perfect game. The gameplay loop and combat is phenomenal and addicting, the music and art and aesthetics are so top notch you could honestly create an entire art style out of them all on their own, the storytelling is amazing and has so much to say that I cannot believe something this important was just thrown out by an indie studio nobody had ever heard of while it was only 7 people strong, and how many people slept on it or completely missed the point of the tragedy of Caelondia and the Ura. 

This game will live in my heart for a very, very long time and its music and messages it conveyed will stick with me even longer. My only regret with Bastion is that I’ll never get to experience it for the first time again. But, even with the spoilers here, you can. Play it, Kid. You won’t regret it.

“We can't go back no more. But I suppose we could go... wherever we please.”

[godlymvmi]

rate each chelsea players seasons so far?

oh dear lord okay

- werner: 7.5/10. werner gets so much shit for no reason, he’s actually not had as bad of a start as rival fans love to preach on twitter/on here. even when he’s not scoring, 9 times out of 10 he’s THERE, he’s trying, hes pressing, he’s passing, he’s active. he’s so fucking fit as well, played the second most minutes for us so far and he’s bossing it. and i fully rate that, love him, we’re gonna see great things from him.

- havertz: 8/8.5/10. i cant give him a nine just yet i reckon. but bloody hell, he’s been so good. even when he makes errors, he’s tracking back to fix them, he’s intercepting, his fluidity on the ball is incredible to watch. at the same time, thats also the biggest probkem so far, he’s almost too graceful with it sometimes and he’s not the most bulky lad so he sometimes does struggle with the physical side of the prem, but that’ll come

- abraham: 8/10. he’s solidly impressed me. he’s come off the bench, now he’s starting, he’s seen his chance to show what he’s worth and he’s done it for me, he’s improved in every aspect we wanted him to. he looks so much more confident, hes still a bit clumsy with it sometimes but my god, he’s playing deeper, getting assists and goals, chefs kiss from me.

- ziyech: 9/10. and i refuse to say i’m jumping the gun. the mans passing is orgasmic to watch, his left foot makes me horny, like the man is such a fucking baller, i fully can’t believe we’ve bagged him. his corners as well, i could cry. the willian upgrade we needed, nothing more to be said, hes here and he’s perfect

- pulisic: 7/10. this is purely cos he’s now on injury again and he didn’t exactly hit the ground running right after he came back (which is to be expected) but he’s so so good. truly such a danger on that left side, i canr way for him to be back

- hudson odoi: 6.5/10. this is purely cos he’s barely played, but when he has he’s been a solid 7, he’s improved so much, he looks far more confident. he’s not perfect, he’s got a good way to go but he deserves so much better than to constantly be benched, he really should get more minutes for us and i hope it happens soon.

- giroud: 6/10. again, he’s barely played. i love him mate, i have so much love for oli and i think it’s unfair he’s being benched and coming on for a measly 10 minutes cos it’s not fair on him, whack him on with 30- 20 minutes to go. eden hazard said he’s the best target man in the world, he was one of the only reasons we made it to top four last season. deserves more

- kante: 6.5-7/10. irs hard to say, he’s not lived up to what we know he can do, he’s not been amazing and he’s had some matches where i’ve been begging for him to be subbed off, but lately it seems like we’ve found a way to go, i thought he looked so much better yesterday alongside kovacic, it’s too early to say but i don’t think he’s dusted just yet. i love him

- mount: 7.5/10. it’s hard with mason cos he’s had some absolute fucking nightmares but that’s down to poor management, no rest and being played on the wing. but look how much better he looks as a number 8, he’s a different player. i only want to see him as a number 8, i love to see it.

- jorginho: 6.5/10. i love jojo but he’s so wishy washy at times, but i truly love what he brings to the team. playing wise, sometimes i wonder what he’s thinking but generally i love him, every day i think about his “chin up” gesture to the younger lads and want to cry, he brings so much in so many ways. teaching silva english he needs to use on the pitch, telling lampard “i just want to win” when he was told werner was going to be out penalty taker. i could cry.

- barkely/rlc: didn’t play enough to rate but i hope rlc thrives on loan this season and i hope we recall barkely in january.

- chilwell: 9/10. insane. looks like he’s played for us for years mate, he doesn’t look like a signing we made this summer. absolutely insane. i hope he never leaves, he already seems to love this club and team so much, truly hope he’s our next ashley cole without rhe arsehole stuff <3

- james: 9/10. again, our fullbacks mate. reece has had at least one game i can think of where he wasn’t amazing but generally this man is everywhere, he’s attacking, he’s defending, he’s intercepting, he’s a stunner mate. his linkup with ziyech mate OOF. right back sorted forever

- silva: 9/10 and no i don’t care about that one mistake in his forst match, i don’t care. mans has changed our entire defensive look on the pitch. he’s made zouma a better player, he’s shouting directions at everyone, he’s just scored a goal for us, he already seems to love this club dearly. mate i hope he gets a contract extension, i fucjing love the man. so calm in the ball, for once i’m not pissing myself every time someone attacks. love him. love him.

- zouma: 8/10. underrated. but this man fucking works for us, every match. yeah, he’s had some nightmares and sometimes he very clearly panics whike in the ball, but he’s getting better every match imo and he’s learning from the best rught next to him. i love him, he’s always so happy as well, makes me smile. hope him and silva keep up this partnership

- christensen: 4/10 he’s just not good enough. i will die on the hill that there’s a good player inside of him, that there’s truly a good player there and sometimes we see it. but he’s not for the prem, watch him go somewhere else in europe and he’ll thrive. however, he’s my fourth choice cb, i trust him over rudiger any day.

- azpilicueta. 8/10 and ni i don’t care about your opinion. i miss him on the pitch, i cant even lie. i absolutely adore azpi. i truly love him so much and the work he does for this club, the heart and dedication he has for us. time and time again he’s saved us, i nearly sobbed at his celebration against ajax before they disallowed his goal. he’s so gracious and humble, made way for reece, and the man is still a good player. hope he stays forever and retires with us. and yes. he is a club legend.

- alonso: 3/10. man is abysmal. man is terrible. get him out of my club now. his attitude is horrid, he can’t do anything on the ball that chilwell can’t do better and truthfully, his time has come to leave. feel so uncertain anytime he plays, thank god he hasn’t in bare time

- tomori. 100/10. shut up. i love fikayo man. turning down a loan to west ham last minute to fight for his place, head down and attitude right. even now, franks said he’s part of the plans and i hope so cos i see a fucking class cb in him as long as he gets time, minutes and good coaching. i really see him as our third choice centre back, when we rest silva fikayo should be on the pitch. we’ve seen him and zouma link up before, we can see him again.

- emerson: 5/10. i don’t hate emerson, he’s just eh. he doesn’t do much for me, he doesn’t really stick out, he kind of blends in and is almost a bit invisible during most matches he’s played. he’s just eh. i don’t hate him but i certainly don’t want him starting every match ever and wouldn’t mind a new backup lb.

- rudiger: 3/10. i can respect this mans agent work to get havertz and werner to us but now it’s time to go rudi pal. i just don’t trust him on the ball ever, man terrifies me every time. he’s so shaky. i’m so glad we’ve not seen him pkay much recently, cos it baffles me that he’s being subbed on in the first place.

- kepa: 1/10. no. there’s nothing to say

- caba: 5/10. does the job, he’s not great and he’s deffo not my first choice but if mendy can’t start, he’s mt third choice.

- cech. pls play him frank. 1000000/10 <3

- mendy: 9/10. dont care about last night, he’s amazing. i wasn’t expecting him to come and perform the way he has but he’s been so so good. cant remember what it feels like to trust a goalie i just love himmmmmmm. such a good attitude and work rate as well

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Jimmy Brando

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Scary Godmother is one of the finest Halloween specials out there for a lot of reasons, but one of them is surely the fact that their antagonist is the snotty bully Jimmy Brando. Yes, what we have here is a true embodiment of evil, a blonde-haired hammy villain who torments children and goes out of his way to ruin everyone’s lives out of pettiness and spite, and he just so happens to have the surname “Brando.” KONO JIMMY DA!

All joking aside, Jimmy is just the exact sort of villain you need in a Halloween special where the monsters are the good guys. He’s a jerk, he’s abrasive, he torments his cousin, and just in general it’s any wonder anyone wants to be around him. And that’s just in the first special! In the sequel, Jimmy begins his slide into supervillainy, as he commits one of the most heinous acts imaginable: he attempts to destroy Halloween entirely. And any attempts to stop him could only ever be MUDA, MUDA, MUDA!

Ok, fine, I’ll stop. For now.

Actor: Originally, Jimmy was voiced by Alex Doduk, who you may know better as Jake Spankenheimer from that other holiday classic, Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. Once it was time for The Revenge of Jimmy, however, they upgraded to a young Alexander Ludwig, who would go on to portray Cato in The Hunger Games. Obviously Ludwig is the superior Jimmy, because Revenge is the superior Jimmy outing; he’s literally in the title, come on. Still, it is pretty amusing that Jimmy has such a notable pedigree of actors portraying him. Also, isn’t it weird Jimmy was played by an Alex twice? 

Motivation/Goals: In the original Scary Godmother, Jimmy is just a dick, tricking his cousin Hannah Marie into going into a haunted house just to scare her out of her wits. It’s not until the sequel where, after suffering crippling PTSD due to the monsters scaring him the previous Halloween, Jimmy sets out to destroy all of Halloween once and for all, because if he can no longer enjoy it, no one can. This is such a cartoonishly evil motive it’s hard not to love it, and what’s more… it actually works! Jimmy actually succeeds, for a while at least, in erasing the Fright Side from existence, and all because of his crippling fear of monsters getting him. The lengths this kid goes to achieve his crazy goals… are we absolutely sure he isn’t related to DIO?

Personality: Jimmy is insanely over-the-top in the sequel. As his cartoonish villainy drives him further and further into madness, his face stretches into an insane slasher smile, he gets a big ol’ unibrow, and in general he just looks like a shifty, nasty little man. And his personality matches! He’s such a jerk and a bully and an arrogant jerk, but after all, he is just a snotty little adolescent. He’s kind of like Sid from Toy Story, where you can kinda understand where he’s coming from in a lot of ways even if he’s still obviously not right in the head.

Final Fate: Of course Jimmy gets redeemed in the end, because come on, what did you expect? It’s a fun, cheesy Halloween special, of course he’s going to be revealed to be a jerk with a heart of gold eventually. Does… does that make him Giorno, instead of DIO?

Best Scene: Obviously the scene where he sneaks into the store and destroys everything, because that is just when he is at the peak of his absurdly over-the-top antics. Of course, this spot could go to every single time he does something evil and makes the sort of face that the Grinch would be proud of.

Best Quote: Who could forget this famous quote? "Do you remember how many breads you have eaten in your life?" Oh, uh. Woops. Wrong “Brando.”

Final Thoughts & Score: Jimmy is just an absolute blast, there is no bones about it. For how fun and silly the Scary Godmother specials are, you need a fun and silly antagonist, and boy oh boy does our boy Jimmy deliver on that front in full force. Now, in the first special, Jimmy is more of a bit player, seeing as that special is more about Hannah hanging out with Scary Godmother and her monster pals than anything; Jimmy sets the plot in motion, sure, but he doesn’t do too much. It’s really the sequel where he becomes the villain we all know and love.

I find it interesting how The Revenge of Jimmy gives him an honest, legitimate reason for his actions, and that these actions would make perfect sense to a traumatized adolescent. Jimmy had already been scared by Bug-A-Boo, and the experience last Halloween leaves him with severe mental scars, as evidenced when he hallucinates his spaghetti as the aforementioned monster. Is it any wonder Jimmy goes on a vengeance-driven quest to ensure Halloween doesn’t happen and that monsters are gone for good? Of course, it does make his eventual redemption a lot nicer, as he overcomes his trauma and once again embraces the Halloween spirit, enjoying himself once more and coming to something of the same conclusions Hannah did in the previous film.

But none of that forgives the fact he made us all see Harry naked. Jimmy gets an 8/10 for that alone, because that is truly evil beyond anything even DIO himself could cook up. Yare yare daze... Jimmy is a true meme villain, a hilarious jerk for the ages, and a fountain of wonderful reaction images and JoJokes. What’s not to love about this kooky kid?