#this is absolutely entirely wish fulfilment don’t look at me like that

[kitamars]

listen. hijikata has TWO HANDS

[svnoohe4rts]

MY DEAR ANNOYING SEATMATE ― lee heeseung

↳ PAIRING: lee heeseung x fembodied!reader

↳ SYNOPSIS: there was only a few things you hated in life, but your dear seatmate lee heeseung was most definitely one of the few things you absolutely despised. with the two of you being paired up for an upcoming project, it seemed like life possibly couldn’t get any worse; so why did he suddenly almost look cute?

↳ GENRE: enemies to lovers (kind of but not really, reader hates heeseung for no valid reason while heeseung is just clueless)

↳ WORD COUNT: 17.1k

↳ WARNINGS: slight angst, SMUT ! MDNI . | oral (m recieving), cum eating, heeseung is extremely inexperienced while reader is experienced (let me know if there’s anything i should add !)

↳ A/N: i got too carried away writing this, making this my longest fic ever ... i blame it on nerd!hee :’) proof read but there’s probably a few mistakes i’ve missed, don’t be afraid to point them out !!! all feedback is appreciated ! <3 

YOU HATED LEE HEESEUNG.

The boy assigned to the seat next to you had never necessarily done anything for you to hate him. Thinking about it, there was nothing he possibly could’ve done, considering that he usually kept to himself most of the time and had probably only uttered about two or three words to you during your time as seatmates.

But one thing was for sure, you absolutely despised him.

You hated the way he’d slide his hideous glasses up the bridge of his nose, you hated the way he’d repeatedly tap the end of his pencil against his desk, especially during math, when he’d concentrate a little too hard, but most of all, you hated how he’d interrupt the teacher whenever he felt the need to add something to whatever the teacher was talking about; usually something completely irrelevant.

If there was one thing you wished for, it was for Lee Heeseung to keep to himself during class the same way he kept to himself outside of class.

But your wishes were never fulfilled, and they most likely would never be; Heeseung being the prime example of why the fairy godmother from Cinderella didn’t actually exist like you thought when you were younger, otherwise Heeseung probably would’ve lost his ability to speak by now. What Heeseung also failed to comprehend was that whenever he embarrassed himself by raising in hand in the middle of class just to boast about his knowledge, he also embarrassed you.

When all eyes landed on him, they also landed on you. So whenever the entire class would roll their eyes at Heeseung when he once again went completely going off topic, they were technically rolling their eyes at you, too. 

Like a pending doom, you wanted to sink through the ground every time he opened his mouth. You knew the second he cleared his throat and his hand went up in the air that it was your cue to press your forehead against the wooden desk, a desperate attempt to avoid the stares and sigh’s coming from your fellow classmates as Heeseung’s aggravating voice echoed through your ears.

For that very reason, you grew to hate Lee Heeseung more and more with each day that passed.

Over time, the annoyance of him always having something to say grew into you finding everything he did annoying. What started off as you two being innocently placed as seatmates, developed into you dreading going to class because of him.

Today, however, you swore you hated Heeseung more than ever.

If the universe had been on your side, Heeseung never would’ve ended up in the seat next to you for an entire year. You wouldn’t have to listen to his pencil hitting the table over and over again every single day, you wouldn’t have to listen to his annoying voice, no, this wasn’t the life you were supposed to live. You weren’t supposed to be seated next to the most annoying human being the world had ever seen, life had so much to offer you, you had so many things left to do before your life came to an end; yet the universe seemed to want you dead sooner than you had expected by making Lee Heeseung your assigned seatmate.

Your cause of death wouldn’t be of old age like you had hoped, nor would some cold-hearted illness take your life away, no, Lee Heeseung would be your cause of death; you were sure of it.

And just when you thought the universe might’ve toyed enough with you, the words trailing off your teacher's lips proved you wrong. ‘’Y/N, I think you and Heeseung would make a great pair for this project,’’

You had stopped listening to what the older woman was telling you the second your name accompanied by your dear seatmates name trailed off her lips. Almost like your whole world came crumbling down around you, you shut your eyes; nibbling on your bottom lip as you looked back on your entire life - trying to figure out what you possibly had done to deserve this type of punishment. 

Maybe this was the universe’s way of getting back at you for forgetting to hand in that one group project on time, causing the whole group to get in trouble; or maybe it was the universe getting back at you for not helping that one crying kid that one time while running to the bus after school, but what were you supposed to do? Stay with the clearly upset kid and miss your only bus? 

No, you obviously did what anyone else would’ve done in that situation and got on the bus.

Well, maybe it wasn’t the only bus and you probably would’ve made it on that bus even if you checked on the crying kid; but was this type of punishment really necessary? Wasn’t placing Lee Heeseung in the seat next to you enough? You already suffered thanks to the boy seated next to you every day, you had already begged the universe for forgiveness for that one time - so why were you being paired up with Heeseung for one of the most important projects of the year?

‘’Heeseung clearly shows great knowledge surrounding this subject, and your essay about it last year was astonishing Y/N,’’ The older woman's voice brought you out of your daze, hoping that the universe would’ve heard the prayers that ran through your mind by the time you opened your eyes; but with Heeseung still sitting across from you, his big eyes piercing into your soul, you realized that the universe wasn’t going to forgive you anytime soon.

You should’ve known what was about to come when your teacher told both you and Heeseung to stay behind after class, asking both of you to sit down in front of her desk. At first, you thought she was going to scold you for sending death glares Heeseung’s way every time he opened his mouth, or even better - maybe she was going to scold Heeseung, you never would’ve sent him death glares if he never opened his mouth in the first place after all.

You were mentally preparing yourself to blame everything on Heeseung the second your teacher sat down in her chair, your fingers nervously playing with the strap of your bag as your teacher cleared her throat. I’m sorry for my behavior, teacher, but he’s making it hard for me to focus when he’s constantly talking and I’m sure everyone else feels the same way hence why I feel like it’s my responsibility as his seatmate to make sure he’s not disturbing any-

‘’I’m sure you’re both aware of the upcoming project.’’

Oh. 

She wasn’t going to scold you, no, this was about something completely different. Something so much more terrifying.

With your teacher still explaining to you why you and Heeseung would make such an incredible pair for this particular project, you inhaled through your nose before clearing your throat, your gaze shifting over to the older woman sitting in front of you; flashing her a forced smile. 

‘’I’m sorry, miss, but is working in pairs really necessary? I mean, just like you said, Heeseung clearly shows great knowledge about this particular subject,’’ You began speaking, almost gagging as you unwillingly complimented Heeseung. ‘’And I don’t mean to flatter myself, but I have some decent knowledge about it as well, so I don’t really see why it would be necessary for us to work together.’’

You stared at your teacher in anticipation as you finished speaking, holding your breath as you waited for her to speak. 

It was true, you truly didn’t understand why you would have to work with him. You knew you’d be able to do this project on your own and you knew Heeseung was perfectly capable of doing it on his own as well, so you two working together just didn’t make any sense to you.

‘’I understand where you’re coming from and I’m not doubting your knowledge, Y/N,’’ Your teacher let out, offering you a small smile in return. ‘’But I truly believe both of you could benefit from working together.’’

It felt like someone had punched you in the stomach as soon as the words left her lips. You, benifiting from working with Heeseung? No, there was no such thing. Your forced smile slowly faded away, leaning back in your chair as a frown replaced the smile that had previously sat on your lips.

‘’It sounds like a great idea to me.’’ 

Heeseung's irksome voice caused you to look over at him once again, having to hold back a curse from leaving your throat in annoyance as your eyes landed on the lanky boy. With his eyes glued to the teacher sitting next to him, a big smile formed on his lips; like he found the situation delightful - when in reality, there was nothing delightful about the situation, not even a little bit. 

Your teacher offered Heeseung a warm smile, nodding her head. ‘’Then it’s decided, you’ll do it together.’’

You just hoped that the unpleasant expression plastered on your face didn’t go unnoticed by Heeseung.

”I’ll do the whole project.”

You had followed Heeseung out of the classroom after saying bye to your teacher, the smile you had worn in an attempt to conceal how unsatisfied you were with her decision fading away as soon as you turned around to walk after the lanky boy; a sigh of annoyance leaving your lips as you sped up to catch up with your seatmate.

Your words clearly took Heeseung by surprise, his eyes wide and his eyebrows slightly furrowed together as he turned around to look at you. You just stared at him, leaning your upper body against the lockers beside you; the shocked expression on his face remaining.

“What?” His words came out shaky, not expecting you to follow him and he did most definitely not expect you to place your body against his locker, preventing him from accessing his own locker. You sighed, “Are you deaf? I said I’ll do the project, don’t worry, I’ll hand it in on time.”

Heeseung just continued to stare at you, his lips now slightly parted. “On your own? No, absolutely not! Did you not listen to a single word that the teacher told us? It’s a group project,” He let out, shaking his head as he spoke. Yet another sigh left your lips, this one much more dramatic, followed by you rolling your eyes.

Not even two minutes into your first ever official conversation with the boy and he was already annoying you.

“I’m not stupid, okay? I can handle it, just leave it to me.” You defended yourself, emphasizing the ‘stupid’. 

“I never said you were,” He looked down at the books you were holding in your hands, “But judging by the way you brought your biology book to history class, I think you might need some he-“ 

Heeseung stopped himself from speaking as his eyes landed on your stern, clearly unamused face. 

Maybe he said a little too much.

You just stared at him as he pressed his lips into a thin line, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck as his eyes darted away from your figure in an attempt to ease the sudden tense atmosphere. “If you’re done being an asshole, I need to go get started on this project since I’m so stupid.”  You had already turned around, already a few feet away from the boy when you heard him sigh from behind you.

“No, Y/N, wait!” Your eyes went wide for a second when you felt his cold hand come into contact with your wrist, your steps coming to a halt as his firm grip prevented you from taking another step. You quickly turned around, coming face to face with Heeseung, who was still holding onto your wrist, once again. 

If looks could kill, Heeseung was sure he’d be dead by now. 

With your eyes narrowed as you stared at him, a sigh left his lips as he ran his hand through his hair; the grip he had on your wrist slowly loosening before ultimately letting your wrist go completely - your arm falling down your side.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just, it’s a group project,” He let out, his hand resting at the nape of his neck. You just stared at him for a moment, not believing the audacity of the boy standing before you. 

”Well, I don’t think we can work together. Go ask the teacher to assign you a new partner or something.” You let out after a moment of silence, a moment of Heeseung staring at you in anticipation; nervously waiting for you to respond. You were about to turn around once more, feeling done with the conversation; hoping that he’d actually listen to you and talk to the teacher about switching partners when a groan suddenly emerged from the taller boy's throat.

”No,” He shook his head, “I want to work with you Y/N.”

A dry chuckle trailed off your lips as you shook your head in response. “It didn’t sound like it a minute ago when you called me stupid.”

Another groan left Heeseung’s throat, the sarcastic tone lingering behind your words almost causing him to roll his eyes. Judging by the way you were already clearly annoyed with him, he decided it would be for the best if he didn’t; if he wanted to live another day, that being said.

“I said I’m sorry!” He exclaimed in defense, throwing his hands up in the air. You almost scrunched your nose in disgust at the scene in front of you, only finding him more and more annoying the more he spoke. “Whatever, are we done here or is there another insult you’ve been wanting to tell me?” You muttered, your eyes still narrowed as you stared at the dark-haired boy.

Heeseung just stared back at you for a moment. He wondered if you had just woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning or if his words actually pissed you off that much, fighting the urge to ask you which of the two options had you in such a foul mood.

‘’Look Y/N,’’ He began speaking, pushing his glasses further up his nose using his pointer finger, “I insist. I’m sorry we got off to a bad start, but I can’t let you do this whole project on your own.”

Got off to a bad start? You almost let out a chuckle as the words left his lips, was he really that oblivious? ‘’Plus, think about it, I think we both could benefit from working together, no?’’

You pressed your lips into a thin line, your gaze darting over to look at something other than him while thinking about what he had just said. 

There was absolutely nothing in it for you, besides possibly growing to hate Lee Heeseung even more than you already did. There was nothing Heeseung could possibly help you with, you knew you would be able to do the project, if not even better, on your own; history was one of the few subjects you were really good in, after all.

‘’How?’’ You asked after a while, your eyes darting back to the boy standing in front of you once again. He raised one of his eyebrows, tilting his head as he gave you a questioning look. ‘’How what, exactly?’’ He questioned, repeating your words. You let out a sigh, inhaling air through your nose in an attempt to stay calm. ‘’Yeah, like how would we possibly benefit anything from working together?’’

His lips formed into an ‘o’ shape as he realized what you meant, causing you to frown as you watched his facial expression go from a puzzled to an understanding one. 

He might’ve looked smart and his grades definitely proved that he was, but when it came to interacting with another human being; God, was he awful. 

A hum left Heeseungs lips as he thought about your question - now that he understood what you meant by your simple ‘how’. 

‘’It’s the most important project of the year, almost our whole grade literally depends on this project,’’ He began speaking, almost like he was educating you; earning yet another stare from you, patiently waiting for him to continue his sentence.

Heeseung just stared back at you for a moment, wondering if you understood the importance of this project. Your blank stare made it hard for him to tell if you understood or not, but considering how your teacher had brought up the importance of this project multiple times during the year he just assumed you knew; clearing his throat before you could accuse him of calling you stupid, again. 

‘’So I just think that if we put both our knowledge together, we’d do a better job compared to how we’d do if we did it separately,’’ He continued, ‘’She wouldn’t put us in the same group if she didn’t think it was for the best, right?’’

You kept your eyes on him as the last words trailed off his lips, a low chuckle escaping your lips as you scanned his facial expression; his bottom lip placed in between his teeth by the time he finished speaking.

Still believing this was the universe’s way of punishing you for all your sins, you refused to believe that your teacher paired you and Heeseung up for the sake of your grade. If anything, your seatmate was going to be the downfall of your grades; considering how you wouldn’t last a minute working with him. ‘’If you needed my help that bad you should’ve just said so.’’

Your words almost caused Heeseung’s jaw to hit the floor, his eyes widening in disbelief. Did you just disrespect his knowledge, the knowledge he so proudly bragged about every time he received yet another perfect grade? 

‘’What? I don’t need your help!’’ He let out, stumbling over his own words as he tried to defend himself and most importantly - his pride.

A small smile formed on your lips as you watched the flustered boy in front of you. Of course Heeseung, the top student, didn’t need your help to get this project done; you knew that. But you couldn’t help but let the words leave your lips as you watched how nervously he chewed on his bottom lip, looking like he was getting ready to start begging you to work with him.

You also eventually figured out the reason behind his stubbornness. He didn’t necessarily want to work with you, but he wanted the grade that would come with him working with you. He knew that by working with you and doing the project together, you’d put the things he already knew into a new perspective and it would definitely get him a higher grade; especially since your teacher was the one who wanted you two to work together in the first place.

‘’I could totally do this whole project on my own! But it’s a group project and it’s not fair if only one of us does the whole project, not that I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own, but I just t-’’

‘’What’s in it for me?’’ His lips remained parted for a second, not a single word leaving his lips as you abruptly interrupted his rambling. He then pressed his lips back into a thin line, confusion once again taking over the flustered expression he had just worn on his face. You just stared at him, shaking your head as he remained quiet. ‘’You clearly want me to work with you so you can get a better grade,’’ You continued.

Heeseung’s lip once again parted, bringing both his hands up in the air; about to defend himself - about to deny the obvious. He, however, never got the chance to utter as much as a single noise as your voice once again filled his ears. ‘’But what’s in it for me?’’

He just started at you, making you wonder if that’s what he always did whenever he spoke to someone considering he had only taken his eyes off you for a split second during your conversation; his doe eyes staring right at you starting to make you feel slightly uncomfortable. ‘’Well,’’ He hummed, realizing there was no point in denying the truth, ‘’A better grade, I suppose?’’

You clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth, shaking your head. ‘’That won’t do.’’ You replied, causing Heeseung to frown. ‘’What do you mean?’’ He asked, his head now slightly tilted. ‘’I know that I could achieve the very same grade, if not better, by working on my own. So working with you is technically only a hassle for me,’’ Your words caused Heeseung to mutter out a low ‘ouch’ under his breath as you continued speaking.

‘’So, what’s in it for me if we do work together?’’ The frown remained plastered on Heeseung’s face as you finished speaking, now slightly tilting your head as you waited for him to speak.

Heeseung, however, remained silent. He kept his eyes on you as he tried to think of something, anything, that you could get out of working with him; besides a better grade, that being said. With his bottom lip once again placed in between his teeth, a low groan escaped his throat as he realized there was absolutely nothing in it for you besides a better grade. Tearing his eyes off of you, a sigh escaped his lips as he shut his eyes.

He couldn’t believe he had to bargain with you in order for you to do the project with him.

‘’I’ll do anything you want.’’ Your lips parted in surprise, your eyes slightly widening as the sudden words left his mouth. 

Any normal person would just simply ask their teacher to switch partners if the other person showed clear dissatisfaction with the thought of being paired up together. Heeseung, however? No, not when his whole grade was on the line.

You knew Heeseung would do anything for a good grade, even though he didn’t even have to try most of the time. But considering the fact that this project was important and as he had previously told you, your whole grade depended on this project; you knew the opportunity of you two working together was his best bet on getting the highest grade possible. Even though you were aware of how important he found his grades, you couldn’t help but wonder - was he really that desperate?

‘’Anything?’’

‘’Absolutely anything.’’

Heeseung regretted his decision the second the words left his lips and his eyes fluttered open, once again landing on your face. The smug grin you wore on your lips made him want to sink through the ground; realizing what he had just agreed to. ‘’Like, absolutely anything?’’ You repeated, your smile only growing bigger as you realized you could practically make the poor boy do anything judging by how desperate he looked with his big doe eyes staring into your own.

‘’Yes! Like, absolutely anything!’’ He groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose as he placed the other hand on his hip; something that almost made you cringe, and it probably would’ve - if you weren’t too caught up in the fact that your annoying seatmate, Lee Heeseung, just told you he’d do anything in order for you to work on the group project with him.

‘’Deal.’’ You let out, extending your right hand for him to shake. Heeseung just stared at your hand for a moment, the hand that had been pinching the bridge of his nose falling down his side as his gaze met yours once again. ‘’What? You haven’t even told me what I’m supposed to do yet, how can we make a deal if I don’t even k-’’

Heeseung fell silent the second he felt you grab his hand, rolling your eyes as you shook his hand; his lips parting in utter surprise at your unexpected action, the feeling of your smaller hand wrapping around his own causing his heart to skip a beat - from the shock of you so carelessly grabbing his hand, of course, nothing else. 

‘’Let’s get this over with as soon as possible, yeah? Let’s meet up tomorrow and figure out what we should write about,’’ You spoke, interrupting the now clearly appalled boy standing in front of you as you continued shaking his hand. ‘’But,’’ Heeseung managed to stutter out, eyes wide as he watched you shake his hand. ‘’Great! I’ll meet you in the library tomorrow after class,’’ 

By the time Heeseung had managed to tear his gaze off your hands, you had already let his hand go and were now making your way down the hallway with your back turned towards him. Heeseung, however, kept his hand extended as his lips parted; watching you make your way down the hallway, feeling dumbfounded by what had just happened. 

What did he just agree to?

The clock that decorated Heeseungs wrist hit 2:30 PM, and you were still nowhere to be seen.

Your class ended at 2 PM sharp the following day, and by 2:03 PM Heeseung found himself sitting in the library; his eyes scanning the room from the table he was sitting at as he waited for you to arrive.

Heeseung was an understanding man. He considered himself to be a very compassionate and generous person, which is why he understood why you weren’t in the library by the time he arrived. He had seen you talking to your friends right before class ended after all, or maybe the hallways were packed and stopped you from getting to the library as soon as possible, or maybe the teacher wanted to share a word with you. Whatever it was that was making you late, Heeseung understood and it wasn’t like he actually expected you to be there the second you got out of class; unlike himself.

Well, maybe a part of him did expect you to be there when he walked in. Another thing you had yet to find out about Heeseung was that while he was definitely an understanding person, he was also a time pessimist. 

And with you now being almost thirty minutes late to your scheduled meeting, the meeting that you had scheduled, Heeseung began to grow anxious as his eyes landed on the watch he wore around his wrist for the nth time that day. Heeseung valued his time, especially his study time, and you being this late caused the boy to almost grow aggravated as his foot repeatedly tapped against the floor; his eyes now glued to the clock as he counted each second that passed.

Heeseung tried being an understanding person, and he was willing to wait until the clock hit the thirty-minute mark for you to show up. But with the clock now being exactly 5 seconds away from hitting 2:31 PM, he could no longer force himself to be the bigger person; a low sigh escaping his lips as he watched the clock tick. You had wasted his precious time, and he was not willing to waste any more of it by waiting for you to show up.

‘’Why did you have to pick this table? I had to walk around the entire library looking for you,’’

Your sudden voice followed by your bag landing on top of the table in front of him almost caused Heeseung to jump out of his seat, missing as his watch hit 2:31 PM when his eyes landed on you instead. Heeseung kept his eyes glued on you, his lips parting in surprise as a sigh left your lips, watching you sit down in the chair in front of him.

The boy, however, never replied to your question. Raising one of your brows, your gaze landed on the lanky boy; immediately spotting the sour look on his face. You didn’t know whether or not to laugh at the displeased look plastered on his face, his lips pressed into a thin line as stared right back at you; or if you should be concerned, considering that you had never seen him look so disappointed before.

‘’What’s with the long face? Have you suddenly gone mute or why aren’t you saying anything?’’

Maybe your wishes of Heeseung losing his ability to speak somehow finally got fulfilled.

‘’You’re late.’’

Or maybe not. A groan left your lips before you ran your hand through your hair, rolling your eyes at the boy sitting with his arms crossed in front of you before leaning back in your chair; mimicking his actions by crossing your own arms over your chest.

‘’By like, 30 minutes,’’

‘’Exactly! 30 whole minutes, that’s a lot of time! I could’ve finished my biology homework by now if you showed up on time!’’ With his arms now waving in the air as he tried explaining to you why thirty minutes was a lot of time, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at the boy once again. ‘’I just had to stop by the cafeteria to buy myself something to drink, I’m sorry! It’s not my fault that the line was so long!’’

Now it was Heeseungs turn to roll his eyes, ‘’Why didn’t you just skip getting a drink when seeing that the line would take a while? You knew you’d be late!’’

His argument earned him yet another eye roll from you, ‘’Would you rather me be 30 minutes late to our study date or die of dehydration?’’

‘’You wouldn’t even die of dehydration, unless you haven’t had a drink in about a week which I strongly doubt you haven’t because if you hadn’t you wouldn’t even be functioning right n-’’

A loud groan coming from you interrupted Heeseung’s lecture, his lips still parted with his hands still in the air as he stared at you. ‘’God, Heeseung! You’re so annoying, you know that, right?’’ You spat at him, shaking your head as you spoke. Heeseung just stared at you, letting out a huff before leaning back in his chair; crossing his arms over his chest once again before looking over at the bookshelf placed behind you. ‘’Says the girl who wasted 30 minutes of my precious time.’’

You stared at the boy seated in front of you in disbelief. Just when you didn’t think your dear seatmate could get any more annoying, he proved you wrong by showing you the most disturbing sulking face you had ever seen, his stern face accompanied by a small pout on his plump lips almost making you shudder in repulsion; like your whole body was rejecting just the sight of Lee Heeseung sulking.

‘’You’re only wasting more of your so-called precious time by sulking.’’ You muttered after taking in the sight in front of you, the shock of seeing Heeseung sulking leaving you dumbfounded for a moment; tearing your eyes off the boy in front of you to open up your backpack to retrieve your laptop.

Heeseung’s gaze landed on you, watching as you opened up your laptop; not a single word leaving his lips, a frown taking over his face as he realized he had actually been sulking. Oh god, he had actually sulked in front of you.

The two of you remained quiet after Heeseung cleared his throat in an attempt to somewhat ease the atmosphere, his cheeks heating up in embarrassment, hiding his face by fiddling with the backpack he had placed next to his chair; praying that his hair actually covered the crimson color that had begun to spread across his cheeks.

‘’So,’’ You were the first one to speak, tearing your eyes away from your laptop; your eyes landing on the boy in front of you once more. As your eyes met his, Heeseung just hoped that his flushed cheeks had gone back to normal, not wanting to embarrass himself even further by letting you see him flustered. ‘’Any ideas of what we could write about?’’

Heeseung parted his lips, a feeling of relief washing over him as you just stared at him; not saying anything about his flushed cheeks. Maybe it wasn’t as noticeable as he thought. ‘’Oh,’’ He let out after a few seconds of just blankly staring at you, only speaking when you raised one of your eyebrows as you waited for him to respond. ‘’I was thinking we could write about the economic impact of the Titanic sinking?’’

Oh my god.

Was he actually serious right now?

You just stared at him, scanning his face as you tried to figure out if he was actually serious or not. But by the way his big, deer-like eyes were only staring innocently right back at you, you realized he was in fact serious. Oh god, he was actually serious. ‘’Don’t tell me you’re being serious?’’

Heeseung raised both his eyebrows at your question, his big eyes glistering under the extremely bad lighting of the library. ‘’What? Why wouldn’t I be? It’s a very interesting topic! You know, it impacted the economy pretty badly,’’ He began explaining, your eyes fluttering shut as soon as the words left his mouth; pressing your lips into a thin line before taking a deep breath through your nose. If you didn’t stop him right there and then, he would probably go on an hour-long rant about why and how the Titanic sinking impacted the economy.

‘’Heeseung.’’ 

‘’Almost all of the survivors and the families of the people who lost their lives sued the company, I can’t remember the exact number but we’re talking about millions and millions of dollars,’’

‘’Heeseung,’’

‘’I should know the exact amount of money though, what was it? Wait, let me look it up,’’

‘’Heeseung, I swear to God, if you say as much as another word about the Titanic I will personally sue you for emotional damage.’’ Heeseung had already begun typing on the keyboard of his laptop as the words left your mouth, his fingers stopped typing as he looked away from the screen of his laptop and up at you; his eyes widening.

This was the second time Heeseung felt like if looks could kill, he’d be buried 6 feet under the ground right now. It had only been approximately 24 hours since the two of you shared your first proper conversation despite being seatmates for months, yet he felt like you had wanted to kill him twice during those 24 hours. 

Heeseung just gulped in response, his eyes darting back to the screen of his computer; anything to avoid the death glare you were sending him, moving the cursor to close the google tab he had opened up. He’d have to google that when he got home.

‘’How about something simple instead? Like the great depression or something?’’

‘’Isn’t that too easy?’’

You just stared at the boy in front of you, causing him to throw both hands up into the air. ‘’Alright, the great depression it is!’’ He let out, keeping his hands in the air; scared that if he complained one more time you’d actually kill him. ‘’Thank you for finally cooperating, I almost thought you weren't capable of cooperating for a while.’’ You muttered, your eyes landing on the screen of your laptop once more as your fingers ghosted over the keyboard, creating a new document for you and your annoying seatmate.

Heeseung was about to say something in protest, something about how you were the one who had arrived late and picking the most basic topics, when he realized it was probably for the best for him to keep quiet; unless he wanted you to lash out on him again.

What had he possibly done for you to be so annoyed with him?

‘’Great, now we have a topic,’’ You mumbled under your breath, Heeseung watching as your brows slightly furrowed together as you focused on something on your laptop. ‘’And for time and place?’’ Your eyes met his once again, his head slightly tilted to the side; something you had noticed he did quite a lot whenever he got confused.

He remained silent, causing you to hold back a sigh. ‘’So we can work on the project, what time and what days should we meet up?’’ You clarified, not that your original question needed clarifying; but considering how the boy seated in front of you had no idea how to have a basic conversation, you realized you would have to clarify a lot of things the next couple of weeks. 

‘’Right,’’ Heeseung let out as he realized what you meant, ‘’I’m free after school on Mondays and Thursdays, if that works for you?’’

Free from doing what exactly? Researching the economic impact the Titanic had from sinking?

‘’That works for me,’’ You nodded, ‘’Let’s meet by your locker, and then head to the library to study, yeah? That way you don’t have to look like an idiot while waiting for me if I end up running late again.’’

Heeseung almost let out a whine at the mention of you running late again. He had hoped that you had learned your lesson by making him sulk in front of you, but your words proved him wrong; the thought of you making him waste another thirty minutes of his life waiting for you almost caused a groan to leave his throat in frustration. But he didn’t, only muttering out a low ‘right’, not wanting to annoy you even further.

You nodded your head, before shutting your computer; the sound of your laptop shutting close causing Heeseungs gaze to land on you again, confusion washing over him as he watched you out your laptop back into your backpack. ‘’Wait,’’ He let out, ‘’What are you doing? Aren’t we going to study?’’

You let out a chuckle as you closed your backpack, swinging it over your shoulder before standing up. ‘’It’s almost 3 o’clock, I have to get home,’’ You responded, putting the chair you had just been sitting in closer to the table. Heeseung watched your every movement, his lips parted as he watched you get ready to leave. ‘’But we haven’t even gotten anything done!’’

You just shrugged, ‘’I’m sorry, but I only had an hour to spare.’’

Heeseung just stared at you in disbelief. ‘’But you’ve only been here for, what, fifteen minutes?’’ He stuttered, the chuckle emerging from your throat taking him by surprise. ‘’Sorry, the amount of time it took for me to get a drink is also calculated into that time,’’

Frowning, Heeseung wanted to press his forehead against the table in front of him. It wasn’t his fault that you ended up being late, so why were you punishing him for it by not even studying like you had originally planned to do? The least you could do was at least stay for a while longer, just to make sure you got at least something done, not just deciding the topic. But it seemed like you weren’t going to do that, leaving Heeseung in despair.

‘’But I promise I’ll be on time next time! I’ll see you Thursday!’’

And just like that, you left Heeseung sitting in the same chair he had been sitting in for almost an hour now; waving as you walked further away. Heeseung just stared at you, watching as you spun around; a frown still plastered on his face. His forehead hit the table the second you walked out of the library, his eyes tightly shut as he let out a low groan, hoping that the rest of the people in the library didn’t hear him groaning in annoyance. 

Not only had you wasted his valued time, but he also never got the chance to ask you about what you wanted him to do for you to work with him.

To Heeseung’s surprise, you actually kept your promise.

When Thursday rolled around and your last class of the day was coming to its end, Heeseung was fully prepared for you to just leave him hanging again. This time, however, he had promised himself that he’d only wait for you for a maximum of fifteen minutes, no more; especially not thirty minutes like last time. He wasn’t going to let you waste his time like that again, not when he had more important things to do rather than standing around, waiting for his seatmate.

So when you actually showed up at his locker only two minutes after he got there, he was taken aback. He had prepared himself for you being late, he even come up with the bright idea of cleaning his locker while waiting for you, which was much needed considering the amount of paper taking up all the space in his already small locker; making it hard for him to fit his books in there the more papers he gathered, only to dump them in his locker.

But it seemed like cleaning his locker would have to wait as you actually showed up on time, holding your laptop in one of your hands and a history book in the other; ready to start working.

Not only had you surprised Heeseung, but Heeseung had surprised you as well. You had mentally prepared yourself for an hour consisting of listening to Heeseung ramble about things that were completely irrelevant, things that would make you want to rip your hair out in annoyance; things that would make it incredibly hard for you to get anything done.

But you didn’t even have to set any rules, you didn’t tell him to be quiet and only talk to you if he had something to ask or say about the project, that him talking would only prevent you from getting any work done which you knew would annoy him as well; because twenty minutes into your study session, he had yet to utter a single word.

No, he kept his eyes glued to the screen the second he opened his laptop; his brows slightly furrowed together as the screen of his laptop reflected in his glasses. Like the computer had sucked him into a completely different world, his lips remained sealed as you discreetly watched him read something in the reflection of his glasses. Not that he would have noticed that you were staring at him, whatever he was reading had clearly captivated him.

No rambling, no unnecessary remarks, no nothing; he was just simply quiet. Almost too quiet.

And you started to believe that maybe, just maybe, the universe had finally heard your prayers and decided to forgive you for your sins; showing you its gratitude by letting you have one day where you wouldn’t have to lose your mind over Lee Heeseung talking.

He wasn’t so bad when he kept his mouth shut.

You would think that the quietness would make it easier for you to focus on the project, but twenty minutes in and the document still remained blank; besides a few names and random dates that Heeseung had written down at the bottom of the page for him to remember for later, watching as he switched in between tabs, the sound of him typing on his keyboard filling the room before he went back to reading once again.

There was something else clouding your mind, making it hard for you to focus on the project as the only thing you could seem to think about was what you were supposed to tell Heeseung to do for you working with him.

You found yourself lost in your own thoughts as you thought about it. You had been delighted when Heeseung first proposed the idea of him doing anything you want in order for you to work with him, ideas running through your mind; maybe this was your chance to get him to stop both embarrassing you and getting on your nerves during class. Maybe this was your chance of turning Lee Heeseung into an actual endurable seatmate.

You could forbid him from talking in class ever again, you thought, or maybe you could force him to do something so bizarre the teacher would have to change the seats around. Or maybe he didn’t have to do anything bizarre, maybe he could just ask the teacher to change the seats around; but what would be the fun in that, especially after the hell he’s unknowingly put you through day in and day out?

But the more you thought about it, the more idiotic did your options seem. You knew you couldn’t forbid him from talking in class, you knew he had to speak in class; you might be praying for Lee Heeseungs downfall, but you knew better than to play with his grades like that. The teacher had also made it very clear that she wouldn’t be changing the seats anytime soon and that we would just have to live with it after multiple groans and complaints had left the student's lips after her decision was announced.

So with your options being ripped apart one by one, you were left with nothing. Which meant you had no idea what to tell Heeseung.

You weren’t sure for how long you had been in your thoughts, but the sound of Heeseung suddenly humming snapped you out of your daze; blinking as you realized you had been zoning out for a little too long.

At first, you thought he was humming to get your attention; maybe he noticed that you still hadn’t written anything as the page was still blank and was going to ask you about it, or possibly make some smart remark about how he already knew everything the page he was on was telling him - something typical coming from Heeseung. 

But he wasn’t trying to get your attention, no, he was humming a song.

You slightly furrowed your brows as you realized he was in fact humming the tune of a song, your eyes now fully fixed on him. His eyes remained glued to the screen of his laptop, the reflection in his glasses letting you know that he was still reading. You parted your lips like you were getting ready to say something, but remained silent as you continued to listen to him quietly humming.

‘’What song are you humming?’’ You spoke, the first time you spoke since you first sat down; the first time any of you spoke, as a matter of fact. Heeseung quickly looked up at you, his eyes big as his lips parted; his humming coming to an abrupt end. ‘’What?’’ He let out, causing a small chuckle to trail off your lips. ‘’The song you were humming just now, what song was it?’’

Heeseung just stared at you, his lips still parted. ‘’Oh,’’ He mumbled, a small smile spreading across his lips and you think it’s the first time you’ve ever actually seen him smile. You couldn’t help but let your eyes dart down to his pink lips, his teeth slightly showing as the corner of his lips curled into a small smile; one of his hands awkwardly rubbing the nape of his neck.

His smile almost caused you to frown, because why was his smile so pretty? 

You never thought that Lee Heeseung would have a pretty smile, but with his pearly white teeth showing you couldn’t help but think just that - that Lee Heeseung did in fact have a pretty smile. ‘’I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry if I disturbed you,’’ He stuttered, looking down at his lap in another attempt to hide the crimson color spreading across his cheeks. This time, however, you noticed his flushed cheeks. 

‘’No,’’ You let out, almost too quickly, ‘’You didn’t. It sounded like a good song, I mean, you sounded good.’’

Oh, God. 

There was no way you actually just complimented him.

Your sudden compliment caused Heeseung to look back up at you, the shy smile he had flashed you slowly fading away and you suddenly felt like hiding your face in the palms of your hands. You weren’t sure if you somehow offended him, judging by the way his smile had now faded away completely; not that a compliment like that usually offended anyone, but you had established the fact that Heeseung didn’t work like other people a long time ago.

‘’Thank you,’’ He managed to get out after a moment of suspenseful silence, his cheeks now feeling hotter than ever as he tried biting back another smile from spreading across his lips. ‘’I can show you the song later, if you want me to of course!’’ He stammered.

You nodded in response, flashing him a small smile before returning your gaze to the screen of your computer in an attempt to ease the now stiff atmosphere; feeling awkward from the situation that had just played out. No, awkward wasn’t even the right word to describe how you felt, you felt like you wanted to sink through the ground.

Why would you ever compliment him like that?

Heeseung, however, kept his eyes on you; biting down on his bottom lip as he watched you uncomfortably shifting around in your seat while clearing your throat. Had he made you feel awkward? Was he not supposed to tell you the song? Should he just go back to reading the article he was reading? Questions flooded his mind as he desperately tried figuring out a way to ease the awkwardness that had suddenly arisen, almost slightly panicking as the thought of him making you uncomfortable crossed his mind.

‘’Oh, wait,’’ 

Against your own will, your eyes darted back to the boy sitting in front of you, raising one of your eyebrows as you watched him bend over; the sound of him unzipping his bag causing you to feel slightly puzzled. ‘’I forgot,’’ He mumbled as he sat back upright, your eyes darting down to his hands; watching as he placed a drink on top of the table. ‘’I brought this for you this morning, so you wouldn’t have to die out of dehydration this time.’’

Your gaze softened as he mumbled out his words, almost making it impossible for you to hear what he was saying; but you did, and a part of you wished you hadn’t - because now it was your cheeks burning. 

You kept your eyes on the drink placed in front of the boy, his hand still loosely wrapped around the can; his eyes now focused on you, his bottom lip placed in between his teeth once more as he waited for you to respond. But your response never came, and Heeseung couldn’t tell if you were staring at the drink because you didn’t like it or because you found his gesture weird. 

‘’I’m sorry if you don’t like it, I wasn’t sure which one to get,’’ He stuttered, letting go of the drink as he spoke, ‘’I-if you don’t want it that’s completely fine, I can just drink, I’m sorry if it was weird of me t-’’

‘’Thank you, Heeseung.’’

Your soft words caused Heeseungs body to freeze in place. He was expecting you to snap at him, or groan, or maybe even roll your eyes, his already big eyes slightly widening in shock as your eyes met his. He stared into your eyes for a moment, searching for any type of sarcasm or maybe even annoyance; but he couldn’t find any, no, the soft look in your eyes telling him that you were actually being genuine. ‘’I really like that drink.’’

Heeseung felt his cheeks heat up once again, a small smile forming on his plump lips as his fingers wrapped around the drink again; sliding the drink over the wooden table. ‘’Good.’’ He managed to get out, speaking so quietly that he was sure you hadn’t even heard him. He watched as you wrapped your own fingers around the drink, a small smile forming on your own lips.

He had made you smile.

He was quick to return his gaze to the screen of his computer, his heart feeling like it was about to burst out of his chest if he looked at you for as much as another second.

With your fingers ghosting over the keyboard of your laptop, you realized that you most definitely weren’t going to get anything done today; not while Heeseung was sitting across the table.

Heeseung made sure to buy one can of that drink every time the two of you were supposed to meet up by his locker after that. 

The first couple of times he had pulled the canned drink out of his bag, you had insisted that he shouldn’t, that he didn’t have to buy you a can every Monday and Thursday, and that you could just buy one yourself; but Heeseung refused.

He wanted to, because then he got to see your smile.

You had also became less hostile towards him. You hadn’t calling him annoying or rolled your eyes at him for almost two weeks now, a new record according to Heeseung, considering how often you did those two things the first couple of times you met with him. He had also made you laugh at one point, and Heeseung swore he had never blushed so hard in his entire life.

So he was going to keep on buying you that one canned drink, because you were friends now, and that’s what friends do for each other; right?

A sigh escaped your lips as you leaned against the lockers next to you, letting your upper body rest against the hard metal as you mindlessly scrolled through your phone. Heeseung had never in his entire life been late for anything, not even once; especially not your study sessions. He was always the first one to be there, you would always spot his tall, lanky figure standing by his locker whenever you turned the corner to go met him. 

This time, however, Heeseung hadn’t been standing there as you turned the corner.

You just assumed he was using the restrooms when you first arrived, knowing that he would never be late; looking back to the first time you went to meet him in the library, remembering his sulking face after he told you you had wasted his precious time - a chuckle threatening to leave your lips at the memory. You were running a few minutes late to your now weekly meet-up anyways, so you just figured that he went to do something else while he waited for you, like using the restroom for example.

But when you had been standing there for ten minutes and Heeseung was still nowhere to be seen, you realized that wasn’t the case.

You had looked around, wondering if maybe he was just lurking somewhere nearby. You checked the end of the hallway, the empty classrooms thinking maybe he got held up after class, peaking into the boy's restroom - only to find it empty. With Heeseung still nowhere to be seen, you returned to his locker with a frown plastered on your face; deciding that you’d just stay by the lockers to see if he showed up.

Now, thirty minutes later, Heeseung was still nowhere to be seen. You had already scrolled through your entire Instagram feed, checked all your friend's stories and Heeseung still hadn’t shown up. A part of you began to grow worried, because since when was Heeseung ever late? He was never late, and the thought of something happening to him caused a weird feeling to spread across your chest.

The weird feeling caused you to stop scrolling on your phone, your thumb now lingering above the screen of your phone as you frowned. 

You couldn’t exactly pinpoint the exact moment you began tolerating, not to mention caring about the boy you swore you hated so much. Maybe it was that one day in the library when you had heard him humming, his warm voice almost causing goosebumps to form on the skin of your arms - or maybe it was when he had bought you a drink, you weren’t sure.

But you did know for a fact that you weren’t particularly fond of the sudden, new feelings you felt towards the boy. 

It confused you, how fast everything had changed. Just four weeks ago, you had felt like your whole world came crashing down around you when your teacher had asked you to work with Heeseung. Now, four weeks later, you found yourself laughing at something he said; something you four weeks ago could never see yourself doing. But most importantly, you found yourself enjoying his company.

Something that you thought wasn’t humanly possible.

‘’I am so, so sorry,’’

Heeseungs now familiar voice brought you out of your thoughts, the feeling that had spread across your chest slowly fading away as his voice echoed behind you; feeling like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. A small sigh of relief left your lips as you heard him walking towards you, your eyes still fixated on the screen of your phone as you turned around. 

‘’Is this your payback for that one time I made you wait for me?’’ You chuckled, feeling both relieved and slightly annoyed at him for making you wait for so long without giving you a heads up; you had given him your phone number after all so he could text you if anything came up, to avoid the library incident happening again. Your eyes left the screen of your phone, darting towards the figure walking towards you in the corner of your eye.

Nothing, however, could’ve prepared you for the sight you were about to see.

The smile that had formed on your lips when you first heard his voice slowly turned into your lips slightly parting, the grip you were holding on your phone tightening in an attempt for you not to drop it onto the floor; scared that you’d potentially crack the screen. If it wasn’t because you were leaning against the locker, you probably would’ve lost your balance.

With his dark hair dripping wet from just showering, covering his forehead and half of his eyes; he placed his hands on top of his thighs as soon as he reached you, desperately panting as he tried to catch his breath. ‘’I’m sorry,’’ He panted once again, his eyes meeting the floor. ‘’My gym teacher wanted to talk to me about my grades so I had to stay behind,’’

You, however, couldn’t make out a single word that was leaving his lips. With your lips still parted your now wide eyes scanned the boy standing in front of you, still trying his best to catch his breath; your eyes landing on his very, very veiny hands - a result of him sprinting through the school just to get to you.

With your heart now racing, your eyes landed on his face again.

What the fuck?

Without his glasses, he looked like a completely different person. The person standing in front of you didn’t resemble the annoying boy you had been sitting next to every day for months now one bit, no, he didn’t look like him at all. The boy standing in front of you now looked completely different, with the glasses you had once called hideous nowhere to be seen and his biceps exposed thanks to the t-shirt he was wearing, he looked so fucking attractive.

Heeseung must’ve noticed the way you stayed silent, looking up at you through his eyelashes; his eyebrows slightly furrowing together as he noticed the pale look on your face. ‘’Are you okay?’’ He asked, concern lingering in his voice.

No, fuck, you were the furthest thing away from being okay right now.

Standing up straight, he tilted his head, slightly narrowing his eyes so he could see you better. He wasn’t wearing his glasses after all. ‘’Are you upset with me? I’m sorry I’m so late, I promise I didn’t mean to keep you waiting for so long, do you still have time to study? It’s completely okay if you don’t, we can just reschedule it or just meet up on Monday instead,’’

He was rambling, and you couldn’t bring yourself to listen to him. Not right now, not when he was looking like this. ‘’No!’’ You managed to get out, almost stuttering as you spoke. Heeseung looked at you, his eyes slightly widening at your sudden exclaim; now scared that he had really upset you. You tore your eyes off of him, sucking air through your teeth, trying to calm your racing heart down.

Why were you suddenly feeling like this? Why was your heart racing?

‘’I can’t study today, at all,’’ You stuttered, your eyes still not meeting his as you cringed at yourself for sounding so pathetic by stumbling over your own words. ‘’I just came here to tell you that, I’m busy today, so I won’t be able to make it today,’’

Heeseung remained quiet, his eyes darting down to your now clenched fists, nervousness and confusion washing over him. You had lashed out at him before, sure, but never like this; making the boy feel slightly anxious. The last thing he wanted was to upset you. 

He bit down on his lower lip as you continued to avoid his gaze by staring at the lockers on the other side of the hallway, Heeseung fighting the urge to take your hands in his to check if maybe you had hurt yourself and that’s why you were clenching your fists so hard. ‘’But, you could’ve just texted me, you didn’t have to wait for me, wasn’t standing here waiting for me only taking up more of your time?’’ He let out, confusion and slight hurt lingering behind hs words.

You had always hated how smart Heeseung was, but right now, you swore you hated it more than you had ever done before.

‘’It slipped my mind,’’ You mumbled, still refusing to look back at him; scared that your heart would burst if you looked at him one more time. Heeseung just nodded in response, his eyes darting around the empty hallway as he thought of what to say. ‘’Well, are you going anywhere? Let me give you a ride, it’s the least I can do since I kept you waiting for so lo-’’

‘’It’s fine, Heeseung, I’ll take the bus, I’ll see you on Monday, okay?’’

Before Heeseung could even reply, you had already stormed past him without even looking at him. Turning around, his lips parted as he thought of calling out to you; hesitating to do so as he watched you walk further down the hallway. His lips closed once again as he watched you turn the corner, disappearing out of his sight. 

With a heavy feeling in his chest and droplets of water dropping onto his shirt from not drying his hair properly, he wondered if he had hurt you by being late.

Mondays had always been your favorite day, at least since Heeseung became your seatmate; purely because the two of you didn’t share any of the same classes on that particular day. It was no different today, you were beyond happy that you wouldn’t have to face Heeseung during any of your classes - but not for the reason you usually had.

No, this time it wasn’t because you wouldn’t have to listen to his pen hitting his desk over and over again, nor was it because you wouldn’t have to endure him embarrassing you by talking over the teacher like he always did.

You were scared, and you were scared shitless to face him.

You had rushed home after you had lashed out at him in the hallway, your heart still pounding when you laid down in the comfort of your own bed. You had refused to go to school the following day, making up some lie about not feeling too well - which in reality, wasn’t a lie. You didn’t feel too well, you didn’t feel well at all, truth to be told.

The thought of you and Heeseung actually getting along had already scared you, and the fact that your heart skipped a beat when you saw him only made things worse. You had never even considered Lee Heeseung remotely attractive before, you had always hated the way he styled his hair, the way it’d neatly cover his forehead; and most of all, you had always hated the horrid, round glasses he wore every day.

But seeing him like that, with his hair messily covering his forehead and without his glasses, and not to mention his smile, oh God, his smile; you realized that he was in fact attractive. No, he was more than just that - he was breathtaking.

Something you never thought you’d admit, nor was it something you ever wanted to admit. But whether you liked it or not, it was something you could no longer deny, even though you had spent the entire weekend trying to prove yourself wrong, to no avail: Lee Heeseung had made your heart skip a beat.

With your last class of the day coming to an end, you found yourself anxiously tapping your pencil against the wooden desk in front of you, a habit you swore you hated and most definitely picked up from Heeseung. The only difference was that Heeseung had told you that he always tapped to the beat of whatever song was stuck in his head when you had asked him about his annoying habit, while you very much just repeatedly tapped it against the table with no beat whatsoever.

You had considered texting him, letting him know that you wouldn’t be able to make it to today's study session either. But with the deadline coming up, you knew you couldn’t be that selfish; you had to get the project done sooner or later. And the faster the better, you thought, so you could go back to hating Lee Heeseung and never think about what the confusing feelings you currently felt towards the boy meant ever again.

Even though you had accepted your faith by the time your last class came to an end, it didn’t make it any easier for you to make your way down the hallway leading to Heeseungs locker. The anxiety you had felt the entire weekend only doubled when you were about to turn the corner, knowing that the second you turned that very corner, you’d be able to see the lanky boy standing further down the hallway.

You weren’t sure what to expect. You prayed that he was back to wearing his hair neatly and that he was wearing his glasses this time, that he’d look like he normally did; so you could be reminded of why you hated Lee Heeseung in the first place. Maybe you just needed a reminder for your confusing feelings to go away, maybe you were just confused because he had looked so different; you didn’t actually find him that attractive, right?

Wrong.

You were wrong.

With one step, you turned the corner you were so afraid of turning, and you swore your heart stopped beating the second your eyes landed on the spot where he usually stood when he waited for you.

His hair was indeed back to being neatly styled and his round glasses were perfectly placed on the bridge of his nose again just like you had hoped, so why the fuck did he still look so breathtaking?

This was the moment you were supposed to feel the heavy weight you had felt the entire weekend being lifted off your shoulders as you realized that you didn’t actually find Heeseung as attractive as you thought you did, you were supposed to feel all the anxiety slip away; so why did it feel like someone only added more weight onto your shoulders the second your eyes landed on him? 

Maybe you just needed to take a closer look.

Yeah, you definitely just needed to take a closer look.

‘’Hi,’’

Your voice definitely took Heeseung by surprise, his whole body slightly flinching as your voice came from beside him. Turning his whole body around, he looked at you; his eyes wide. ‘’Y/N? I didn’t think you’d show up today,’’ He managed to get out, his eyes still glued to you. You awkwardly smiled, shaking your head as you looked down at your shoes in an attempt to hide your now flushed face.

No, you definitely found him just as attractive, if not even more, up close.

‘’Yeah, me neither,’’ You chuckled, hoping that Heeseung would chuckle too. Only he didn’t. Instead, he remained quiet; only staring at you, not knowing what to say. 

Heeseung had spent the entire weekend thinking, just like you had done. He had left school shortly after you stormed off, his mind clouded as he drove home; wondering why you were so upset when you left. He couldn’t help but curse himself out, telling himself that if he only had texted you that he’d be late you wouldn’t have been so upset with him; or if he just would’ve told his teacher that he simply didn’t have the time to discuss his grade because he had other plans - he did find meeting you more important, after all.

There were many ways Heeseung could’ve avoided you being upset with him, and he hated himself for not thinking about all those things before actually upsetting you. But Heeseung knew there was no way he’d be able to change what had already happened, so he spent the weekend trying to figure out how to apologize to you instead of sulking about you potentially being disappointed in him.

But now that you were actually standing in front of him, it seemed like all of the ways he had thought of how to apologize suddenly never existed in the first place; his mind going completely blank.

‘’Do you still want to study today?’’ Your voice snapped Heeseung out of his thoughts, blinking as he realized he had been staring at you. Clearing his throat, he tore his eyes off of you; rubbing the nape of his neck as he tried his best not to become flustered by your eyes being on him. ‘’Y-yeah, but,’’ He stammered out, something he hadn’t done in a long time; he almost never stuttered around you anymore, he had become so comfortable around you to the point where he felt comfortable talking to you without having to think about what he said - something he never felt with anyone else.

‘’I was thinking, maybe we could go to my house instead of the library?’’

Heeseung regretted saying it the second the words trailed off his lips and his eyes landed on your face, the shocked expression on your face making him regret every life choice that led him to this very moment. ‘’To your house?’’

‘’Yeah, I just, have this thing coming up later tonight a-and it’d be a lot easier for me if I was already at my house when we’re done studying,’’ He let out, the unsure look on your face making him want to sink through the ground.

He was supposed to apologize to you for letting you down before inviting you to his house, not the opposite - his plan already failing miserably.

You just stared at him for a minute, causing Heeseung to grow even more anxious. He had gotten used to the look on your face whenever you were annoyed with him, but this one didn’t look anything like that look; no, it looked like something completely different and Heeseung couldn’t tell what you were feeling, making him even more nervous.

He was just about to tell you to just forget about it and that he could probably find a way to work around it, that you could just work on your project in the library like you always did; when your voice interrupted him.

‘’Sure,’’ You softly let out, so softly that Heeseung almost didn’t catch it. ‘’Sure?’’ He repeated, making sure that he heard you correctly. You nodded in response, a small smile spreading on your lips. ‘’We can do that.’’

The car ride to his house was quiet, too quiet for your liking. But with Heeseung being focused on the road and with you staring at the window, you just couldn’t force yourself to say anything.

And neither could Heeseung. He thought that maybe this was his chance to apologize to you, maybe he wouldn’t get another opportunity today; considering how he knew you liked for him to be quiet whenever you were working. But with his fingers tapping against the steering wheel, the atmosphere felt far too awkward for him to utter a ‘sorry’. 

So he just decided he’d do it as soon as you reached his house, before the two of you started working on the project; letting you continue to observe the nature outside through the window, looking at you through the corner of his eye every now and then - a small smile forming on his lips each time.

Well, you had also planned on apologizing to him for storming off like that the previous week when you reached his house. But the atmosphere was just as tense when you placed yourself on top of his bed, your eyes scanning his room; taking in the space your dear seatmate lived in.

Just like you had expected, his room was neat. A little too neat. But then again, it looked just like you had pictured it; neat, just like Heeseung himself.

‘’I hope you’re okay with working on my bed, I don't have another chair,’’ He mumbled as he used his thumb to point to the desk placed in the corner of the room, your eyes landing on the one chair before nodding. ‘’Are you not working on the bed?’’ You asked, your eyes landing on the tall boy standing a few feet away. 

Heeseung looked over at you, gulping before opening his mouth to speak, ‘’I was planning on sitting by the desk, if that’s okay with you?’’ He asked, his eyes still glued to you. You bit down on your lower lip before nodding once more, your fingers nervously playing with the hem of your shirt. ‘’I mean, yeah, I just thought it'd be easier if we sat next to each other, if I need to get your opinion on something or anything,’’ You mumbled in response.

That was a lie. You could easily just send him whatever you needed to get his opinion on, but how were you supposed to comfortably apologize if he was sitting from across the room?

Luckily for you, Heeseung seemed to agree with your idea. ‘’No, yeah, you’re right, I’ll just sit on the bed with you.’’ He mumbled back, his eyes darting away from you as he used one of his hands to rub the back of his neck.

So he did, placed with his back resting against the headboard of his bed and with his laptop placed on top of his thighs, he began working on the project; just like the two of you had planned.

You, on the other hand, just couldn’t focus; just like all the other times you had worked with Heeseung.

You had been too preoccupied stealing glances at him from above the screen of your laptop from the second he sat down in front of you to even open the shared document, the sight of him being too intriguing to even consider looking away.

While not so discreetly staring at the boy sitting in front of you, you realized two things. 

The first one being that you had no idea how to even bring up the subject, not knowing how to just suddenly apologize for something you didn’t even know if he cared about. 

The second thing being that you accepted the fact that you indeed found Lee Heeseung attractive. Too attractive for your own good - especially when he focused on something.

With his lip nudged in between his teeth and his brows furrowed together as he focused on whatever stood written on the screen of his laptop, you couldn’t help but scan his features. You wondered for a split second how you had never noticed how sharp his jawline was before, maybe because you never really looked his way as the mere sight of him used to be more than enough to make your blood boil; you weren’t sure. 

You also wondered why you had never paid more attention to his big, doe eyes before. His eyes were more than enough to make your heart skip a beat, not to mention whenever his pink lips would curl into a smile and the laugh you had learned to love would emerge from his throat.

No, you couldn’t do this anymore.

‘’Heeseung?’’

His name trailing fo your lips caused him to look up from his laptop, surprised to see your eyes already staring at him. He hummed in response, slightly tilting his head. You had to bite down on your bottom lip in order to control your breathing as his eyes met yours, inhaling through your nose before speaking, ‘’Can you take a look at this for me?’’

Heeseung offered you a soft smile, nodding his head as he sat up straight; getting ready for you to pass him your laptop so he could look at whatever you were referring to. But you had other plans it seemed, Heeseungs body freezing as he watched you crawl towards him - just to place your body in the tight space between his body and the wall.

His eyes widened as he felt your body press up against the side of his own, his breath hitching in his throat as he suddenly became aware of just how close you were to him. You had never been this close before, the closest you had ever been to him was the one time his hand accidentally brushed against yours while handing you a drink; that alone was enough to turn him into a stuttering mess.

But this? This was enough for him to lose his ability to speak for all eternity.

You, however, seemed completely unphased to Heeseung by the sudden closeness as you placed your laptop in your lap. Heeseung had to clear his throat as his eyes darted toward the screen of your computer, deciding not to say anything about how close you were to him. It made more sense for you to show him yourself, he thought, you probably didn’t mean anything by getting this close to him, right?

He watched as you moved the cursor across the screen, clicking on one of the tabs; an article now taking up the whole screen. Heeseung glanced over at you, sucking air through his teeth as he realized he would have to lean over you in order to actually make out what the text said. So he did, slowly leaning closer to the screen as he held his breath, wanting to get it over with as quickly as possible; before you had the chance to hear how his heart was racing.

‘’Oh, and Heeseung?’’ You let out after a moment, Heeseung only humming in response as he tried his best to focus on the text that stood written on the screen of your laptop, his eyes skimming through the text he couldn’t seem to make any sense of - maybe because he wasn’t actually concentrating. ‘’You remember how you told me you’d do anything for me to work with you on this project?’’

Heeseung gulped as he felt your breath fan across his neck as you spoke, ‘’Yeah?’’ 

‘’I want you to kiss me.’’

Almost choking on his own saliva, your words causing him to freeze; his eyes no longer skimming through the text.

He stayed still, feeling your eyes burning into his side profile as he remained in the same position, trying his best to comprehend the words that had just left your lips. You wanted him to kiss you?

Your warm hand coming into contact with the skin covering his cheek almost caused him to flinch, your hand gently cupping his cheek as you forced him to look at you. You swore that your heart almost stopped beating as soon as his big eyes met your own, his eyes wide and staring at you in pure shock. 

Your eyes darted between his eyes and his lips, your own bottom lip placed in between your teeth as your eyes landed on his plump, pink lips. The lips you had caught yourself staring at one too many times during these past few weeks.

Heeseung didn’t even get to fully comprehend the position he currently found himself in before he suddenly felt your soft lips press against his own.

The kiss was soft, Heeseung staring at you with wide eyes as he watched your eyes fluttering shut, your hand still placed on the side of his cheek as you gently pulled yourself towards him. Heeseung wanted to close his eyes, he wanted to kiss you back; but he just couldn’t. Instead, the shock of feeling your lips press against his own took over all his senses as he felt your thumb gently stroke his cheek, your lips still pressed against his own.

You quickly sensed that Heeseung wasn’t kissing you back, causing you to pull away; guilt overtaking you, had he not wanted you to kiss him?

Heeseung, however, almost let out a whine at the loss of contact. So he did what he deemed appropriate, bringing his own shaky hand towards your face; cupping your cheek before pulling you in for another kiss.

This time, his eyes fluttered shut as soon as he felt your lips press against his own again. He could tell that you wanted to kiss him just as bad by the way your other hand suddenly found its way to his other cheek, pulling him even closer to you; letting your lips mesh together.

Heeseung had never kissed anyone in his entire life. He had no idea how to kiss, he had no idea what to do with his hands nor did he know what to do with his mouth. So he let you press yourself against him, almost letting out a whine when your front teeth collided with your own, feeling embarrassed. The embarrassment, however, left the second he heard a giggle trail fo your lips before once again placing your lips on top of his.

He wanted to touch you, he wanted to bring you even closer to him, he wanted to feel more of you; his hand gripping onto the hair behind your ear as he forced you closer to him, your lips still leaving small pecks on top of his own. The whimper that left your lips when his fingers brushed through your hair, however, wasn’t something he had anticipated - causing the hair on his arms to stand upright.

Not once had he thought a whimper would make his heart melt, yet it did.

It also seemed like his fingers brushing through your hair caused you to want more as he suddenly felt you swiping your tongue across the bottom of his lip. Uncertain of what to do and slightly panicking, he pulled away; staring at you with wide eyes. You seemed to pick up on his uncertainty almost immediately, brushing your own fingers through his hair in an attempt to ease his nerves before pulling him back into a kiss.

Your attempt at easing his nerves definitely worked as he let your tongue enter his mouth, your wet muscle coming into contact with his own. Heeseung swore he could’ve let out a whine at the feeling of your tongue nudging his own while your lips moving in sync, gripping onto your hair even harder in an attempt to somewhat ground himself.

Him gripping onto your hair only seemed to fuel you on even further as he suddenly felt you move the laptop that he had placed in his lap before quickly moving his own as well, placing it in front of him before climbing onto his lap. You kept your lips attached to his own, both your hands now finding their way to his hair as you further deepened the kiss.

Heeseung still had no idea what to do, especially now that you were sitting on top of him, his heart only beating faster as he felt your hands leave his hair - only to grab onto his own. ‘’It’s okay, you can touch me,’’ You mumbled, guiding his hands towards your waist before placing them there, causing Heeseung to gulp as he grabbed onto the fabric of your shirt covering your waist.

You pressed your forehead against his own, his lips more plump than usual and his breathing heavier than usual from your shared kiss, his eyes meeting yours. ‘’Do you want me to take off my glasses?’’ He stuttered, scared that they were in the way of you kissing him.

You quickly shook your head as your hands found their way up the sides of his neck, cupping both his cheeks again. ‘’No, I want you to keep them on.’’

Heeseung was about to protest, but had no time to do so as you stole his next breath away by pressing your lips against his own once more. Not that he complained, the only thing he wanted right now was to kiss you, with glasses on or not - it didn’t matter to him as long as he got to feel your lips.

The kiss was quick to turn rough, Heeseung trying his best to copy what you were doing, moving his lips the same way you were moving yours. Heeseung couldn’t help but feel blood rush to the apples of his cheeks as he felt your breasts press against his chest, scrunching up even more fabric in his fists as he pulled you even closer.

It almost felt euphoric to him, having your tongue slip into his mouth and your lips meshing together. It felt unreal, almost like he was dreaming; until you grinding yourself against his crotch brought him back to reality.

Almost like a thunderbolt hit him, his whole body tensed up as his fingers let go if the fabric of your shirt - quickly placing his hands on top of your thighs. His hand landing on your thighs caused your slow movements to come to an abrupt end, pulling away from the kiss to look at him. 

With his big, doe eyes staring right back at you, the fingertips of his hands pressing into your clothed thighs, he shook his head.

Not because he didn’t want to feel your clothed core grinding on his own clothed crotch, God, no, there was nothing he’d rather feel right now. But he also knew that his euphoria would be short-lived if he let this go on any further, knowing that he most definitely wouldn’t be able to please you if it did end up going that far.

‘’I’m so sorry, I got carried away,’’ You mumbled, your hands slowly slipping away from his face and slightly using your knees to hover just above his crotch; Heeseungs eyes widening as the words left your lips. Why were you apologizing?

‘’No,’’ He let out as he grabbed onto your wrist before they left his face completely, ‘’I want to, Y/N,’’ His breathing was still uneven and he almost stumbled over his own words as he spoke, his eyes still staring into yours to show you that he was being genuine, wanting you to know that you hadn’t done anything wrong. Guiding your hands back onto his cheeks, he frowned.

You just stared at him, puzzled. ‘’So why are you saying no?’’ You whimpered, pressing your forehead against his. With a frown still plastered on his face, he felt his cheeks heat up once more as he realized how stupid he was about to sound.

‘’Because, I haven’t done this before, and I just, I want to be able to please you? I’m not saying that we’ll have sex, oh god, I mean, unless you want us to? I just want you to feel good too a-and I don’t think I’d be able to do th-’’

Heeseung didn’t even get the chance to continue his rambling before a small whine emerged from the back of his throat, suddenly feeling you press your lips right below his ear. 

The feeling of your wet lips pressing a soft kiss against his sensitive skin caused his eyes to flutter shut, the new sensation taking over his body.

‘’You’re thinking too much, Heeseung,’’ You whispered against this skin, leaving yet another wet kiss right below his jawline, ‘’Just let me make you feel good, okay?’’

Thinking was what Heeseung did best, especially in moments where he felt stressed out - like right now, for example. But with your lips pressing soft, wet kisses against his neck he suddenly felt like he couldn’t think straight for the first time in his entire life; especially when he felt you press your lower body against his own once more.

Through gritted teeth, a small hiss left Heeseung’s lips, his hands now placed on top your thighs again; his eyes fluttered shut as he let you slowly grind yourself against him, only nodding in encouragement when Heeseung slightly tilted his head to the side - making it hard for the boy not to dig his nails into your clothed thighs in an attempt to tell you he was enjoying it.

Was it too early for him to get hard?

He couldn’t help but gulp as he felt his cock beginning to grow in his pants, how could it not, when he had you grinding yourself against him so carelessly? Scared that you’d feel the tent beginning to form in the crotch of his pants, he uncomfortably shifted around; which caused you to shake your head. ‘’It’s okay Heeseung.’’ Your soft voice echoed right beside his ear, his heart beginning to race as he felt you push yourself down even more, and if you hadn’t felt his now semi hard cock before - you most definitely did now.

Your hands trailed down his stomach, Heeseung’s breath hitching in his throat as he felt your hands playing with the waistband of his pants; your lips still pressing innocent kisses against his throat by the time your fingers began playing with the zipper of his jeans. His eyes fluttered open, he wanted to see what you were doing, he wanted to see what you were doing to him; see what you were doing that could possibly have this effect on him.

Maybe he should’ve kept his eyes shut, because the sight in front of him was definitely too much to take in all at once. With your head still dipped in between the crook of his neck and one of your hands resting on his chest as the other one continued playing with the zipper of his jeans, he couldn’t help but let the whimper that had been threatening to leave his throat escape.

His whimper, however, was quickly replaced by a low groan as he felt your palm press against his now almost fully hard cock. A small hum of satisfaction left your lips, the vibrations of you humming against his skin sending shivers through his body. With you now slowly palming him on top of his pants, he couldn’t help the whimpers now continuously trailing off his lips, slightly buckling his hips so he could feel more of you.

He had been too lost in the bliss of your hand slowly stroking his clothed hard-on to notice the way you had separated your lips from the skin of his neck. It wasn’t until he felt your hand leave his crotch that he realized you had stopped kissing his neck and were now looking right at him, his eyes meeting yours.

You had to hold back a whine yourself as your eye met his, his big doe eyes bigger than usual as he questionably looked at you, almost like he was begging for you to continue. ‘’Do you trust me?’’ Heeseung nodded a little too eagerly to your question, causing you to press a soft kiss against his lips. ‘’Then let me make you feel good.’’

Heeseung swore that his whole body went into shock when you separated his thighs, placing yourself in between them before moving further down the bed; his eyes widening as you looked up at him through your eyelashes, your face now on the same level as his crotch.

This was a sight Heeseung never thought he’d see in his entire life, not with anyone and especially not with you.

‘’Is this okay?’’ Your voice brought him out of his daze, his lips still parted as he realized he had only been staring at you. Gulping, he slowly nodded.

Heeseung had already felt his cheeks heat up the second you got in between his thighs, but now that you were unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants before sliding them down his legs; he had never felt more embarrassed and vulnerable in his entire life.

And the fact that you were now staring right at the outline of his hard-on, his underwear being the only thing separating you from actually seeing his cock, made him feel even more embarrassed. He placed his hands over his face as he felt his face heat up even more. Maybe this was a bad idea, a terrible idea even, forcing his eyes shut; not wanting to see the disappointment lingering in your gaze.

You, however, were anything but disappointed. You couldn’t help your jaw going slack the second your eyes landed on his very prominent outline, a small gasp almost leaving your lips as your fingertips slowly grabbed onto his still clothed cock; giving it a gentle squeeze, earning a low groan from Heeseung. 

You must’ve noticed the way he was still hiding behind his hands, causing you to lightly tap his now exposed thighs. He slowly opened his eyes, separating his fingers so he could look at you, his eyes immediately meeting yours. ‘’Is it okay if I take them off?’’ Not finding the strength to speak, he only nodded in response. He took a deep breath as he felt you hook your fingers under the waistband of his boxers, slowly pulling them down his legs.

As he felt his hard cock spring up, hitting his lower stomach; another hiss of both embarrassment and desperation trailed off his lips, followed by him covering his eyes using his hands once again. He simply just could not look at you, scared that he’d faint from the amount of awkwardness he felt by you staring at his now fully exposed cock.

‘’Heeseung, baby,’’ The nickname leaving your lips accompanied by a chuckle caused the now red boy to look at you from behind his hands once more, ‘’Don’t hide, there’s nothing to feel embarrassed about, okay?’’

Another groan emerged from the back of his throat as he slowly let his hand slip away from his face, hesitant to look at you; scared that you’d laugh at him or make fun of him for blushing so hard. But you never did, no, instead he suddenly felt you grab onto his girth, causing his eyes to immediately land on you.

Using one of your hands to experimentally stroke his cock, your lips parted in awe. You never would’ve thought that Lee Heeseung, the boy you once swore you hated, would have such a nice cock; his tip red for the lack of attention and throbbing in your hand. You leaned forwards, looking back up at him through your lashes before pressing a soft kiss against the tip.

The new feeling was almost enough for Heeseung to cum right there and then. His lips parted as he tried holding back a groan, failing miserably to do so as he watched you kiss yet another kiss to the tip of his cock; a small smile forming on your lips as you watch the boy laying in front of you melt into your touch.

Still slowly stroking it using one of your hands, you continued peppering kisses all over his tip, enjoying the way he squirmed around at the sensation. You then stuck your tongue out, leaving a wet trail from the base of his cock all the way to the tip, pushing Heeseung over the edge. He was about to tell you to please make him feel good and stop teasing him, you, however; seemed to already be on it as you wrapped your lips around his cock.

A loud groan left his lips in surprise as he felt your wet mouth wrap around his tip, followed by a hiss; his hands gripping onto the sheets as he tried his best not to buckle his hips forwards, wanting to feel your mouth on his entire cock. You pulled your lips off his cock with a pop, causing Heeseung to almost whine as he grew even more desperate.

But with you being quick to take his cock into your mouth once again, this time more of his cock filling your mouth; he never got the chance to even whine, not before you started slowly bobbing your head up and down.

With your lips now fully wrapped around his cock, all the nights he had spent in the darkness of his room tugging at his own cock, whimpering out your name as his own cum coated his stomach didn’t feel as perverted anymore.

Not that your tongue swirling around the tip of his cock felt anything like his right hand tugging at his own cock, no, his right hand couldn’t even remotely compare to your mouth now that he had experienced the bliss of your plump lips almost touching the base of his cock.

Heeseung felt like he was dreaming. Even though he had thought about your lips one too many times in the darkness of his room during the past few weeks, something he felt ashamed of admitting, he never thought he would actually get to experience it. In a way, it almost felt unreal - but the moan you let out around his cock, the vibrations causing a grunt to leave his lips reminding him that it was, in fact, real.

He wasn’t sure of just how loud he was being, not being able to stop the small whimpers and groans spilling past his lips; but one of his hands had somehow shakily made its way into your hair, pulling your head down in an attempt to relieve the throbbing of his cock. Every time your tongue swirled around his tip, he tensed up, the knot forming in his stomach telling him that he wouldn’t be able to hold back much longer.

He hoped that you understood that this was his first time and that the new feeling overwhelmed him, hence why he was gripping onto your hair and slightly lifting his hips off the mattress underneath him - desperately trying to mutter something about being close.

With him stuttering something under his breath, your eyes darted up to look at him. The sight in front of you almost caused you to let out a moan, his hair sticking to his forehead as he pressed his head into the pillow placed underneath his head; giving you a clear sight of his adam’s apple moving up and down as a result of him gulping, his lips slightly parted as another whimper left his lips.

He looked even prettier like that.

‘’Y/N,’’ He managed to stutter out, gathering even more hair in his fist as you hummed against the tip of his cock, your eyes still glued to him. ‘’I think I’m going to cum,’’

He didn’t even get to finish his sentence before the knot in his stomach snapped, a loud groan leaving his lips as he thrusted his hip forwards, not being able to control his own body as his orgasm washed over him. He was too busy trying to stay conscious as his overwhelming orgasm caused his whole body to tense up to even realize that he had unknowingly pushed your head down, your throat closing around his cock as his white seed shot down your throat only heightening his high.

With small whimpers trialing of his lips and his eyes tightly shut, he felt you pull your mouth away from his now twitching cock, droplets of his own release dropping onto his abdomen as his hand slowly let go of your hair he had bunched up in his fists.

It took a while for the boy to catch his breath, seeing stars as his eyes finally fluttered open, seeing the outline of you through his blurry vision.

Wait, did he just cum in your mouth? Without your permission?

Embarrassment shot through the boy's body, his eyes widening as he blinked; his eyes meeting yours, panic now slightly starting to set in as watched you stared at him with your lips slightly parted. ‘’I-I’m so sorry,’’ He managed to stutter out, placing his hands on both sides of his body before propping himself up so he was sitting upright.

You, on the other hand, just stared at the boy - appalled.

He had indeed just spilled his own release down your throat without any warning, and maybe you should’ve been angry with him; but how could you, when you could feel your own wetness seeping out of your hole? 

‘’I couldn’t stop myself, I promise I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry,’’ He continued rambling, the panic now being clear as day as he spoke, ‘’I’ve just never, felt so g-good before and it happened before I could sto-’’

Feeling you place yourself on top of his lap once more and smashing your lips against his own, he stopped speaking. The kiss was messy, your lips harshly moving against his own as his spit mixed with yours, combined with the taste of his own cum. The sudden kiss took him by surprise, your clothed core coming into contact with his already sensitive cock causing him to hiss against your lips. You, however, didn’t stop; a low whine leaving his throat as he felt you bite down on his lip.

‘’What are you doing?’’ He managed to whimper out as you pulled away for a second, taking in the sight in front of you. His lips were now slightly bruised, a result of your lips meshing together with his and you nibbling on his bottom lip; his doe eyes were big as he stared right back at you. Fuck, why did he have to look so pretty?

‘’You don’t think I’m done with you, do you?’’

Heeseung gulped, ‘’Y-you’re not mad at me?’’

A small chuckle left your throat, using your thumb to stroke his cheek. ‘’You’re so fucking stupid sometimes, you know that right?’’

Heeseung knew he wasn’t stupid. Heeseung was a lot of things, but stupid most certainly wasn’t one of those things; well, at least for now - knowing he’d probably be beyond dumb by the time you were done with him.

[tired-biscuit]

18+ MDNI, fem!reader // cw: subtle mention of spit. reader is wearing glasses.

↳ i wrote this as an apology to likelilacwine because i couldn’t help but bash her man a little bit, lmao… i can’t write fluff for the life of me, so i hope you don’t mind something dirty, kendy. kisses!

this thought has been cooking inside my brain for a little while now, but i keep thinking about gojo and his weird, somewhat dirty infatuation with your glasses.

what i mean is that he likes to cum on them. quite often. when you’re on your knees in front of him, naked and panting and trying to contain the drool that’s treatening to spill past your kiss-bruised bottom lip, he tells you to keep your glasses on instead of persuading you to open your mouth a little wider and sticking your tongue out like most men would do if they were in his place.

i think it would have some sort of connection to how he wears glasses as well. after all, gojo is, well… gojo. he can come across as very self-absorbed sometimes, perhaps even a bit conceited. when he sees you doing or wearing something that resembles him, it makes him feel kind of funny and warm inside. pride has never felt so good before and it makes him thrive.

so yeah, the glasses are like a link that connects you to him. he finds himself hot, so he cums on the part of you that he thinks you share with him. it spurs him on — especially if he manages to convince you to put his glasses on from time to time.

and oh boy, this specific thing is like edging to him. so good that it consumes him entirely, his entire being. a pink blush coats his face during it, his neck, his naked chest, as well as the tip of his stupidly pretty cock that he just can’t stop stroking right above your awaiting face. even his hand moves at such a fast pace that it causes his body to be coated with a thick layer of sweat, something you rarely get to see when it comes to him.

he’s just so hard, so ready, so in love; both with you and himself.

and how couldn’t he be? the lenses of his glasses may be dark, yes, but he can still see how watery your eyes have turned behind them from the way he’d gotten a little too excited and had pushed his dick down your throat a smidge too fast as soon as his wish had been fulfilled. he can still see the streaks the tears have left behind as they travelled down your cheeks. he can still see himself in the reflection.

mascara smudges the corners of your eyes as a result, however it doesn’t seem to be bothering you. no, you’re simply way too busy to be annoyed by it; looking up at him with that frustratingly knowing glint lighting up inside your pupils as his glasses slide down the bridge of your nose ever so slightly and you — at long last — manage to make direct eye contact with him.

and as soon as that happens, poor satoru is absolutely done for.

[thezombieprostitute]

Hummingbird - Part 3

Summary: You didn't want to break into someone's party but you were desperate to see the art at the gallery before it was gone. You're so busy trying to make sure no one sees you that you miss the ever present gaze of Steve Rogers who is wondering why you crashed his party.

Word Count: ~1000 (definitely a shorter chapter, hope that's okay!)

A/N: Reader is female but no physical descriptors are used.

A/N2: This takes place at the same time as Dream Come True - Part 3.

Warnings: I don't think there are any, but please let me know if I'm wrong on that!

Part 2 -- Part 4

Series Masterlist

You’ve gotten a lot more comfortable with attending Steve’s parties. So much so that he asked if you’d be willing to attend some that weren’t at an art gallery. Specifically one being held at his house.

“It will be more than just the two of us,” he assures. “It’s a fundraiser for Rhodes, the current DA.”

“Why would you want me to attend? I don’t have any kind of influence.”

“Oh but you do, Hummingbird,” he counters. “You have an influence on me.” Your eyes widen at his confession and he continues, “you keep me calm. You help me get more business because I’m able to smile genuinely every time I see you.” He gently cups your face with his giant hand and you lean into his touch. “Please help me out?”

“It’ll cost you,” you smirk. His eyebrows raise in surprise at your boldness. “I want the school supplies for at least 5 teachers and their wish lists fulfilled. I’ll send you the link?”

Steve laughs so hard he throws his head back. “Absolutely! I suppose I should be investing more in the education system, shouldn’t I?”

“Thank you, Steve.”

“Thank you, Hummingbird," Steve coos as he kisses your hand.

A couple of hours into the party Steve couldn’t be more happy that you’re in attendance. Ransom, one of his key players with donors, still hasn’t shown up and he is pissed. If it weren’t for having you on his arm he’d likely have lost a few donors because of his anger. He quickly excuses himself to a side room to call Ransom and find out where the hell he is.

While he’s gone, you let yourself take a breather and visit the kitchen. You’re definitely out of your depth and can’t wait for this to be over with. The entire time you’ve been on Steve’s arm, you can’t help but feel you’ve been having daggers stared at you by some of the other ladies in attendance. A couple of the men as well. It’s kept you on edge all night. 

Unsure of how long Steve’s phone call would take you decide to head back to the party. Once you leave the kitchen you’re intercepted by a couple of guests, Ms. Lane and Mrs. Carter, as Steve had whispered to you when they first arrived. Ms. Lane pulled you aside and asked, with a venomous smile, “so what’s your angle with Steve?”

“I’m sorry?” You gently shake your head in confusion.

“You’ve been on his arm all night,” Mrs. Carter added. “He’s never done that before. How’d you snag him?”

“I…I haven’t,” your confusion shows on your face. “He just asked me to attend. I didn’t know he’d want me next to him the entire time.”

“Well,” Ms. Lane ponders, “what’s your family name? Are you new money that he’s trying to win over?”

“Um, no,” you nervously shake your head. “My family doesn’t have money or influence. At least not at your levels.”

“Oh!” Mrs. Carter exclaims. “You’re a charity case!”

Ms. Lane laughs, “yes! That makes sense! All of us with money and influence can't nab him. He wants someone who’s completely indebted to him. Someone he can be a hero to! That makes so much sense! Thank you for the insight, dear. I’ll have to play up the sad and pathetic tones next time I talk to him.”

The ladies laugh to each other as they walk back to the party, leaving you alone and feeling conflicted. 

You think back over every interaction with Steve. He admitted to enjoying watching you look at the art. The art you wouldn’t be able to see without his help. Wearing the dresses you wouldn’t be able to afford on your own. Attending parties with people you had no business being around. You’d turned down some of his gifts, only accepting the dresses because of the need to look appropriate for his parties. Were you really just a doll to dress up? Did he really just want to prop you up in such a way that you needed to lean on him?

You lose track of how long you’ve been standing there, when Steve finds you. “Hummingbird,” he brightens. “That’s where you flitted off to.” His smile drops when he sees your face. He tilts your chin up, “what happened?”

You feel the tears forming in your eyes and gulp, “am…am I just a charity case to you?”

Steve’s blood starts to boil. “No,” he states firmly. “I have never once thought of you in such a way. And I will do whatever you need me to in order to convince you.”

“Then…what am I to you?”

The tears in your eyes break Steve’s heart. All of his anger is drained away in favor of taking care of you. “You’re a breath of fresh air,” he starts. “The fireflies on a summer night. The port in the storm. You’ve given me air to breathe, magic to delight and the safety and comfort to rest so I can keep going.” He brings his face close to yours, “I should’ve done this a while ago but I didn’t want to scare you away.” 

He holds you close and kisses you with a gentle firmness that makes your heart flutter. You eagerly return the kiss, making him moan before you gently pull away. His eyes have darkened considerably and you chuckle.

“Thank you,” you sigh. “I shouldn’t let other people’s thoughts get in the way.”

“Whoever told you those things, I’ll make sure they never get invited to another party.”

“No,” you shake your head. He sees an almost evil glint in your eyes as you smile, “let them see how badly they failed.” You take his arm and move to walk back to the party. 

“You are damn amazing, Hummingbird,” he smiles and walks back with you.

Part 2 -- Part 4

Series Masterlist

Tags:

@alicedopey

@aryhyuuga

@cynic-spirit

@jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory

@ktficworld

@rebekahdawkins

@texmexdarling

If you'd like to be tagged, please let me know.

[2baabbies]

skz bingo; #7, she/her pronouns, with chan?? maybe some sort of bookstore meet cute where reader can't reach a certain book that's on a shelf just out of her reach, but chan is a little taller than her so he manages to crowd against her back and grab the book for her?? 👀 I don't mind either sfw or nsfw, whichever feels like it fits the fic best!

my dear, I couldn’t make chan taller for fear of excluding the tall girlies ;w; but I think I still worked it in well. and I hope you like hyunlix, because they’re in the background fulfilling my bookkeeper/florist couple fantasies. I also split the difference between n/sfw with extraflirty!chan, enjoyyy 🫶🏻

🖤 read me like a book (bangchan x reader) 🖤

Pairings: chan x reader, background hyunlix

Words: 1170 (I gave up on the world limit)

Humour + Suggestive (no smut) + Fluff

fem!reader

Request guidelines here!

!!ATTENTION!!

Reposting this fic to other platforms, including as a translation, is expressly prohibited. Do not copy, alter, or claim this fic as your own. Absolutely no permission is given to anyone to post my works, even with credit, and this fic should only appear on Ao3 or Tumblr under my accounts. Reposting is not only plagiarism, but a direct violation of my wishes as the original writer and owner. Please respect writers and don’t steal!

Likes, reblogs, asks and comments are very welcome and appreciated <3

~~~

Felix has been flirting with Hyunjin for over ten minutes, which is only a problem for you because he is sitting on the only ladder in the entire bookstore. The shop owner sits on the middle rungs as the florist leans against the wall and dramatically tells him about his morning. Felix clutches the bundle of white and yellow daffodils Hyunjin brought for him to his chest with a dreamy smile.

Residing on one of the upper shelves, out of your reach, is a new romance novel that you came to purchase. You steal a glance at Hyunjin and Felix, then continue glaring at your target. Now, it was not just the minor inconvenience souring your mood, but the envy of seeing the two men together. You felt incredibly unlucky in comparison to the perfect couple chatting away in the corner. You were tired of reading about romance, and more than ready to find it for yourself.

The tips of your fingers just brush the spine of one of the copies as you try again, and you sigh in defeat. Climbing the shelf would be entirely too hazardous, although you are getting desperate enough at this point to try it. You had been waiting for this book for months. But, as miserable as you were, you refused to interrupt Felix and Hyunjin.

“Hey there,” You look over your shoulder to face the man that speaks to you, “You, uh, look like you could use a little help?”

“I’ve got it.”

The speed in which you turn away is criminal. The stranger is incredibly handsome, and you would be damned if you let the cutest man to ever walk into this bookstore see the smut you were trying to pull off the shelf. He clears his throat gently and you peek over your shoulder at him.

“Hm, are you sure? I’ve got to grab something up there anyway.”

“O-Okay. I-If you wouldn’t mind…”

You are about to move when the man drops a stepstool behind you and springs onto it with ease. He braces one hand over your shoulder and leans in, his chest brushing against your back as he grabs the books. Your breath catches as he hops down again, and you will yourself to breathe as you turn around. You inhale sharply as he does not hand the book over to you, but flips through it instead. He then reads that lovely little page of content warnings- mainly kinks- listed by the author at the beginning of the book.

Your face burns as he hums and casually places it in your hand.

“Here’s your book.”

“It’s not mine,” You blurt quickly.

“Oh? Did you want a different one?”

You clutch it to your chest.

“N-No! I-I’m buying it… for my friend. I don’t read this stuff.”

“Oh, I see,” There is a troublesome little glint in his eye, “That’s a shame. That author is quite popular. Maybe you should give it a try?”

You squirm under his playful gaze. You wish you could just melt into the bookcase to escape this conversation.

“No.”

“No? Why not?”

“It’s not… realistic…”

His eyebrows quirk but he looks satisfied with your answer. Felix interrupts the tense moment as he begins leaving the bookstore with Hyunjin.

“Hey, Chan, I’m taking my break now. You got an eye on the cash?”

“Yeah, mate, you’re good. I’ll see ya in a bit.”

Hyunjin gives you an excited wave, which you return shyly, as Felix adds:

“Oh, y/n, I put a book aside for you. It’s behind the counter. Chan, her name is on it.”

“Alright.”

“Thank you,” You murmur.

The doorbell chimes as the door falls shut behind them, and you are left alone with Chan. He kicks up the stepstool and catches it one hand.

“Well, y/n,” He coos in his lovely accent, “I’ll be at the cash if you need anything. Give me a shout if you have any questions, yeah?”

“Y-Yeah, sure.”

He winks and walks behind the counter, settling in and opening the book he pulled from the shelf. You stall for a bit, then steel your nerves and approach the checkout. Chan sets his book aside and smiles as you set yours on the counter. He finds the book Felix set aside for you, and it is the exact same book you pulled from the shelf.

The road to Hell is truly paved with good intentions.

Chan pauses then coyly asks, “I guess you don’t want two of these, hm?”

You puff your cheeks.

“No.”

He chuckles and begins ringing up your purchase.

“Okay, I won’t tease you anymore. You don’t have to be embarrassed, you know?”

“I’m not embarrassed.”

He side-eyes you playfully.

“Alright. Are you paying with cash or card?”

“Cash.”

You quickly pull the bill from your pocket and hand it to Chan. You are both quiet as he makes your change then hands it back to you. You count it then furrow your brow gently.

“Something wrong?”

“Um, it seems… You gave me extra.”

He checks the receipt then looks at your hand as you hold it out to him.

“No, it’s right.”

“You gave me a discount?”

You drop the change in your pocket and accept the book and receipt as he hands them to you.

“Of course. Pretty girls shouldn’t have to pay full price.”

You fluster.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to tease me anymore?”

He rests his chin in his hand and leans his elbows on the counter with a smirk.

“That wasn’t teasing. That was flirting.”

You clutch the book to your chest and duck your blushing face.

“Well…”

He giggles and the charming sound startles you to look up again.

“Sorry. I’ll stop.”

“I-It’s okay.”

“Hm?”

“Uh, you don’t have to stop.”

Chan smiles warmly.

“Only if you like it.”

“I, um, I do.”

“Okay then. Well, I hope your friend likes the book.”

“It’s almost worse when you pretend you don’t know…”

“Well, for the record, I believed you a little bit.”

“Sure.”

“I did,” He purrs, “And I would agree with you. I tried to read those books but they weren’t really my thing.”

“You did?”

“Mhm, like you said: it wasn’t realistic. If you’d like an example of something more realistic though, I’d be happy to show you.”

You roll your eyes as a grin breaks out on his face. Although he delivered the line with confidence, his whole face is flushed like yours.

“I’ll keep that in mind…”

Chan winks as you walk away.

“Have a good day!”

You rush out of the bookstore and pause outside as you notice something sticking out of the book you just purchased. You flip it open to see a scrap of paper with a phone number written on it. You look through the window of the bookstore to see Chan, giving you a fluttery wave as you piece it all together. You huff and cover your face as you stomp away, but you cannot suppress your charmed smile.

[anashins]

not sure if you take smut request.... but tyong with breeding kink.......pls,, I'm down bad after seeing his gym igstory

Pairing: Taeyong x Reader

Genre: smut, fluff in the end

Word Count: 1.1k

Summary: To fulfill your wish to get pregnant with no husband in sight, your friend Taeyong steps in. But he gets way too carried away - by the act and his feelings for you.

A/N: I know exactly what you mean, that video lives in my head rent free 😩 I hope you like it 💗

“So… how do you want it?”

You looked into your friend’s eyes, equally clueless. If there was a position that would guarantee a pregnancy, then you hadn’t read about anything that was science-based - and you had done years of research on this topic.

For example, you knew that the biologically best age for women to get children was between 20 and 30. That was a science-based fact, and it was an ID card based fact that you were nearing the third decade of your young life already - with no man by your side, but the deep desire to raise an own child ever since you had graduated.

“Let’s just take off our clothes first.”

Taeyong did as he had been told, and you followed. You were asking yourself whether you should turn on some music since it was absolutely silent in your bedroom, only the rustling of your clothes that you dropped on the floor generating a noise, but not enough to drive away the awkwardness that had settled between the two of you the moment you had settled on your bed.

When Taeyong was in front of you with no piece of clothing anymore, you could sense the blush that had crept up his cheeks, and his cuteness almost made you chuckle, lifting the mood. But as your eyes fell onto his lap, the urge to laugh stopped in your throat and you swallowed a gasp. He didn’t seem to notice though.

Taeyong was one of your oldest friends, and you only knew him as a very cute, soft-spoken and rather shy guy, spending his time playing video games, working and cooking. Out of all your friends, he had been your best and safest choice. On top of that, he was insanely attractive. Oddly, you wondered whether he even knew that himself.

You motioned backwards and laid yourself onto the mattress, urging him, “Come.” 

It took Taeyong a few breathers to comply, and for a moment, you feared that he might have changed his mind. When you had asked him drunkenly a few weeks ago whether he would be up for something like this and he immediately agreed, you had blamed the alcohol since he could never say no. But here he was, all in for the game.

The warmth of his body covered yours when he settled on top of you, and your eyes met. You saw insecurity reflected in his gaze, and he lowered his head in an attempt to kiss you as though following an instinct, but stopped right before touching your lips. You agreed, this wasn’t part of the plan. 

Kisses were reserved for two lovers. This was merely an arrangement. 

Taeyong propped his elbows against the mattress to the left and right of your head, and you slung your arms around his neck. His skin felt so soft against yours, and you caught yourself not shivering anymore due to his inner heat. You had often had body contact as friends, but none as intimate as this. 

“Spread your legs,” he suddenly said, pulling you out of your thoughts.

But he didn’t wait for you. With the help of his own knees, he pried your thighs open to a wideness good enough for him, and you didn’t know what caused this sudden horniness, his this bold move alone made you so wet already, he wouldn’t need much effort pushing in.

You hadn’t been with a man in so long, you had totally forgotten what it felt like to be entirely filled out by one, but Taeyong knocked your memory right back in in a way you had never experienced before. Only him entering you in a deliberate manner turned you on so much, you couldn’t hold back a long moan.

“Everything okay?” he asked when he was fully sheathed inside of you. “If you don’t like something, just tell me.”

You shook your head. “Everything is fine. Everything is so good.”

The latter part of your answer let a cocky smile grow on his lips that you only spied when he had won a game. You wondered whether he smiled like that too when you fueled his stroking game with more moans - but only if it was good.

Shortly later, you were sure of three things: First, your friend wasn’t as shy in bed as he usually appeared to be. Second, he was a pro in the stroking game. And third… What was it again? You had entirely forgotten about the third point when you were holding onto the headboard like a lifeline, Taeyong not only making sure that you went out pregnant, but also sore as fuck.

The wooden frame was squeaking under you with such despair when Taeyong mercilessly rammed into you, you didn’t know who screamed louder, the bed or you. You had assumed that you would do it only in one position until he was finished, but he had had entire other plans.

You didn’t know for how long you had been cuming and cuming, but it just wouldn’t stop, and he still stood as strong as in the beginning, having fucked you from four different positions already - and there was no end in sight. You also didn’t complain though as you hadn’t had that much fun in bed in a long time already, enjoying every aspect of it.

When Taeyong’s body strained under you though, his hands pressing into your thighs after you had ridden him for a while, you smirked at him in the same cocky manner he had kept smirking whenever he had made you cum. 

He spilled his seeds all inside of you, and only then you remembered again why you were even doing this in the first place, a certain sadness settling within you when you realized that it was over. But you didn’t admit it.

Moments later, you were lying side by side with a certain gap between you, nobody saying a word, nobody making a move.

It was Taeyong who spoke first. “I’m sorry… I just kind of got… carried away.”

“It’s okay,” you replied hoarsely. “I… enjoyed it.”

You turned your head to your left, then above just to find him already looking at you. Somehow, the awkwardness had entirely vanished, having made place for fondness and a mutual understanding.

“You know,” he then continued, “it’s not certain that it will actually work the first time.”

You nodded. “I know.”

“So… when do you want to do it again? Tomorrow, I’m free.”

Taeyong moved his head a bit, lowering it to your level, but stopped right in front of your lips again. He was awaiting your answer before deciding whether he would do the following or not.

But you had decided already.

“Tomorrow sounds good,” you whispered.

Then, he kissed you - although kisses were reserved for lovers.

[allamericanb-tch]

marauders as eliza mclamb songs

** i limited myself to the ones she has on soundcloud because i did not want to go through her entire tiktok page to find links for all of her old songs sorry im a lazy queen.

pretend my explanations are not convoluted and poorly worded

the playlist of songs mentioned please go listen to it (with the marauders in mind !! ) i am obsessed with eliza mclamb currently. i tried to use every song on this playlist since i couldn’t use every song on her tiktok but i did skip some so. sorry? also the lyrics are just the ones i thought were the most them. i did not type out every single lyric to all these songs im not a MANIAC

james — look at me and lie / “daddy issues”

genuinely this song makes me tear up every time. it’s so jegulus from james pov coded which i think is absolutely devastating. in my mind this song is james thinking about regulus, knowing he has the mark, and regulus is wasting away knowing that he can’t be with james anymore, unknowing that james knows he has the mark. ugh it just breaks my heart every time.

i fucking hate when you look at me and lie // but i see it in your eyes you haven’t given up anything, except maybe the last three years of your life

—

jegulus 💔

i know i remind you of the life you couldn’t live, you make that pretty clear when you lose your shit weirdly i like that side of you better. // to see you angry is more fulfilling than the apathy

———

remus — wendy’s parking lot / autopilot / dial tone 

cigarettes i mean this is literally remus. but in all seriousness, this song is so remus feeling alone, very first and second year of him, before he really got on with the marauders.

smoke a single cigarette out the window // i want to go driving till i run out of gas, speed till i pass everybody in a baby blue subaru with their 401k’s // i don’t have anyone to cry to

—

remus trying to live his life after sirius leaves

doctor said i need routine // it’s time to drive around aimlessly and listen to music that used to make me cry, i wish it still did // i miss the feeling of feeling something

—

remus calling grant after sirius leaves

who can i call? // you don’t have to say anything at all // just stay on the line, to know somebody’s out there will do me fine

———

sirius — 2007 / haunted house

this song is sirius thinking about his time with regulus before hogwarts, and regulus idolizing his older brother and wanting to be just like him, and they grow up and grow apart, but really they’re scarily similar and sirius knows it and hates it because he hates himself.

you were still a baby, of course you’ll always be my little lady, but then you were freed // god, you’re turning into me // i want to hold your little face just look at you and say, ‘it’s not as good as it seems’ // it never gets better than being a kid with a dream

— 

this is sirius returning to his apartment he has with remus after he escapes azkaban

i swear this house is haunted, i can’t be here without wanting to go back ten years and do it all again. // i just can’t make myself fit back into place

———

peter — speak

this is peter being quiet and shy and following james around like a lost puppy dog because james has always been his only friend, and he couldn’t bear to lose him, so he goes along with everything james does.

i never could talk loud enough so i learned how to listen. // i find my place in other people’s shadows. // i wait for you to ask me, ‘how is it you forgot how to speak?’

———

mary — pornstar tits / anti-cinematic

this song is so mary being oversexualized by the fandom, and only used as a device to further the plot of wolfstar fics by being a rival love interest for sirius.

they trade that shit like pokémon cards, swapping my body with somebody else’s // it’s either jezebel or madonna and i’m not sure which one is worse

—

this i think is mary leaving the wizarding world, and losing all her friends (..because they died) and trying to go back to life as a muggle

what if my best years are behind me? // what if i just keep getting older and lonelier?

———

lily — elastic band / american wasteland

this song reminds me of lily reminiscing on her life before she found about wizards and magic and became involved in the war, and knowing she can’t go back to the life she once had.

so many memories i can’t recover existing in only a feeling // sometimes if i think real hard its like i’m there again // i’ll think i’ll stay in this moment for a while

—

american lily evans. there i said it. but this song actually feels more petunia to me. petunia after lily leaves, feeling out of place without her built in best friend.

two kids in a double wide // take the city bus home // get off at the next stop and walk the rest of the way home in the dark

———

marlene — twin flame

marlene and dorcas, dorcas and marlene.

i can read your mind like you can read mine // do i like you, or do i like that you’re fucked up like me?

———

regulus — hydroplaning

this is regulus being in love with james, and being so deep into his self-hatred that he can’t even fathom why someone like james would like someone like him.

something about you liking me just doesn’t sit right with me i think it probably means you have bad taste. // and then of course i’ll whine about how no one could ever love me.

———

evan — drunk in a fancy shower

evan at a party feeling out of place because party is drunk kissing other girls, and not drunk kissing him. poor evan :(

it’s so clear that i really don’t belong here // is it so cynical to think that no one would give a shit if i crawled out this window? // i need to get the fuck up, get back out there fill my cup up

———

barty — zoned out

this is so barty losing his mind slowly after evan’s death

i came back into my body to find somebody else in it // i hate that i can’t listen to you over the sound of my heartbeat // sometimes i just have to leave

———

pandora — witching hour / all alone

pandora is very much the kind of person who would find comfort in being alone in the middle of the night, and being awake while the world is asleep.

it must be the witching hour if i’m awake // it’s like the universe has picked me up, i’m a tiny baby in her cosmic cup. // i’m not scared of the unknown

—

pandora being self aware and knowing that people think she’s weird and creepy but knowing she is on the right path for her <3

all alone, in my little world. if it’s a one man universe i’m my favorite girl. // ‘you’re all alone, well aren’t you wasting time?’ no i’m just taking mine. 

———

dorcas — dreamgirl

dorcas being dorcas

i wanna be your dean girl // i like the version of me that lives in your mind // i’m still a mystery to you

———

[alexanderlightweight]

Crackish Wednesday prompt for you- honeypot Magnus where the warlocks decide they need an in with the shadowhunters after the seelies have Izzy. Where Magnus meets Alec and goes 'this is a sacrifice I have to make! I'm going to honeypot him so hard I'll bring him home' (Cat: Isn't that just called dating?) Maybe other warlocks going 'wait we can do that?' - and turns out that Alec and people are not stupid but are very weak to powerful competent people acknowledging their own competence, taking an interest in them, and generally caring for their people!

this was a little fun but also a little more serious in parts because it didn't quite follow the prompt entirely, i hope you enjoy though

--

“Magnus,” Ragnor says with a sigh. “You don’t have to do this.”

Magnus takes a sip of his drink and smiles, dark and delighted, “what makes you think it’s a sacrifice.”

“Oh?” Ragnor asks curiously, leaning forward. 

“I’ve met an absolute darling of a nephilim .” And Magnus looks pleased, absolutely delighted with himself. “I’m quite willing to fulfill the Council’s request, I simply plan on doing it thoroughly. A bit of a leisure mission, if you will.”

Cat snorts from where she’s been drinking beer and letting Ragnor say his piece first.

“You just want to date him.” She says with a laugh, with good reason from what Ragnor can tell.

Magnus rolls his eyes and smirks. 

“The Council wishes to have as much as an in with shadowhunters as the seelies do, with several of their scouts tangling with the young Ms. Lightwood.”

“And?” Ragnor asks when Magnus trails off, smirking into the distance. 

“Well, her older brother happens to be equally lovely, if not more so.” Magnus shrugs, “and while the Council is hoping for a little quid pro quo and subterfuge, I think I’m up for something a little more.”

“Like?” Ragnor asks, feeling like a director prompting a scene. He would know, he tried out playwriting for a bit, but Shakespeare was the better author and Ragnor the better director. 

“Well, the Council can’t complain about something more permanent than what the seelies enjoy.” And Magnus’ grin is dark and devilish, a shade of his father peeking through. “I think I’ll make him mine, completely.”

“Oh, and how is that going to work?” Cat asks, intrigued despite herself.

“Well, we are about to have our fifth date.” Magnus says casually, like the cruel bastard he is. Right when Ragnor and Cat are both taking sips of their drinks.

Cat manages to save herself but Ragnor finds himself with the — unfortunately around Magnus — familiar pain of hot tea in his nose. 

Magnus cackles like the lovable asshole he’s always been as Ragnor huffs and takes the handkerchief offered him with a scowl.

“The council only suggested this idea a few weeks ago, how did you manage this so fast?”

And Magnus watches them for a moment before he smiles, something soft and delighted and covetous. 

“We’ve actually been going out for two months, however outings are hard when one is a nephilim commander and the other, myself.”

Magnus laughs at their faces, “I told him all about the Council’s request and he’s very happy to be honeypotted, as long as I keep him in the end.” 

“How exactly do you get yourself into these situations?” Ragnor asks despairingly, “just how, ducky?”

“My natural talent.” Magnus says dryly and he refills all of their glasses with hot toddy’s. Which is lovely, but suspicious. Ragnor would rather not submit himself to the burning of hot alcohol.

He sets his cup down and notes how Magnus looks disappointed. 

“You know the Council is going to be upset about this.”

“Well, then they shouldn’t have tried to treat me like I was a sex worker available at their leisure then,” Magnus murmurs bitterly. “Which would be fine, if I had ever offered them such a service.”

“What do you mean?” Cat asks, her voice like ice and Ragnor is glad she asks, because he can’t with the inferno of rage rising in him. 

Magnus looks a bit abashed, like he hadn’t meant to say it out loud. Which means it’s something important.

Finally, Magnus sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Several of the other Council members suggested it fall to me, because between my reputation and tastes, it wouldn’t be so suspicious. Also because they felt that it would affect me less, since my tastes are so vivid and frequent, I would bounce back easier since I’m hardly going to get attached.”

It’s rare, Ragnor thinks, for their own kind to be so blinded by rumors and reputations that they misstep so poorly. However it does happen, especially when Magnus lets the rumors grow and old age can muddle the sensibility of even the wisest of warlocks.

“Oh, fuck them.” Cat says, an icy smirk on her face. “You woo your shadowhunter and you keep him and you tell the Council fuck you when they ask.”

“Now Cat,” Ragnor says chidingly, because he’s a bit disappointed in her. “That’s hardly the right response. Have some imagination.” And Ragnor’s eyes crinkle as he smiles, full of malice and teeth. “Clearly, we should simply replace the Council.”

“No!” 

 Ragnor huffs as they both say it at the same time, with alarm.

“Dearest cabbage, the last time you insisted we replace the Council for their insults it took over a hundred years. I’m still on the blasted thing because of it!” Magnus says with a scowl and Ragnor will admit, Magnus being on the Council is his fault. 

“Bloody nuisances, the whole lot of them.” Ragnor mutters sulkily into his tea. 

“Something a bit in between?” Cat asks, and even if she occasionally reigns in her  imagination, she is always the more sensible of them. 

And before they can say anything else, Magnus is getting up with surprised delight. Magnus snaps his fingers, magic throwing open the balcony doors just in time for a figure to jump over the railing and onto the balcony.

There’s no time and no need — not with Magnus sheer joy and how his wards haven’t alerted any of them — and a body barrels into Magnus. 

“Rough day, Alexander?” Magnus croons, soft and very clearly utterly in love and Ragnor shares a panicked look with Cat. They had no idea, either of them, that the relationship had already progressed so far.

Cat mouths at him, “your idea as backup.” And Ragnor nods in understanding. 

After several moments of kissing they finally part for breathing — and Ragnor could have done without the reminder of how long Magnhs can hold his breath — and the shadowhunter sees them and freezes.

Then he looks at Magnus all soulful and worried and goes, “Magnus, we’ve been caught!” And faints, a full bodied and almost elegant swoon if not for the way he drops like an anvil. 

Magnus laughs, delighted and carefree as his magic catches his shadowhunter.

“They’re friends, lovely. I would have gotten rid of them before you came through the doors otherwise.” 

And the fainted form fluidly rises, “oh thank— what was it again?”

“Fuck.” Magnus supplies helpfully, with vindictive glee.

“Right, thank fuck.” The shadowhunter, Magnus’ Alexander nods, “you’re right. It’s much more satisfying than thanking Raziel.”

And Ragnor and Cat both have to use magic to hide their shocked noises.

And Magnus, Magnus throws back his head and laughs in a way that Ragnor hasn’t seen in so long that it brings a tear to his eye. And Magnus, he then reaches out, cupping his boy’s face and pulling him in for a kiss.  

It’s soft and sweet and so intimate that Ragnor is quite sure he’s felt less like a voyeur when watching Magnus fuck people in clubs or parties. 

“I thought you had a patrol?” Magnus is practically cooing, touching his boy all over and then he hits a spot and there is a minute twitch. And then he’s wrestling his shadowhunter to the ground and uses his magic to pull his clothes off to alarmed and flailing protests.

It’s a nasty gash, and Magnus’ boy is fit enough, but it’s the blush as he glowers up  at Magnus that Ragnor notices the most. 

Magnus’ Alexander clearly doesn’t care about the audience,  he’s barely glanced at them since Magnus assured him they weren’t a threat. Instead he’s staring at Magnus, his features are fixed in a glower but Ragnor knows Magnus, he knows a pout when he sees one.

“I think,” Ragnor says telepathically to Cat, “we should retire to yours. Come back tomorrow, when we’re sure they’re done.” Cat nods and creates a portal and they both roll their eyes when all Magnus does is wave a hand behind his back at them.

“Honestly, we’re lucky he let go long enough to say goodbye.” Cat reminds him when they’re in her apartment, but she’s smiling, pleased with how happy Magnus is. 

“So, planning?” Ragnor asks and Cat gives him a wicked smirk.

“And some plotting.” 

[bellzsad]

okay so i know this has been greatly talked about, but we need to readdress chloe’s deserved but never received redemption arc.

this whole thing wouldn’t have made me as upset if it didn’t seem like they were literally setting her up for a redemption. we had that little moment with ladybug where chloe was venting to her, talking about how alone she felt and the way she “served no purpose”. chloe really only bullied others because of her own insecurities, to try and “make herself useful”. this was our first glance into the real chloe.

then we have her issues with her mom. clearly, audrey bourgeois is not the picture-perfect mother she seems to be and absolutely needs to be better. i would say chloe is more neglected from her mother than zoe is, because zoe spent her entire time with audrey in new york and has a better relationship with her, based on toxicity. i mean, all of chloe’s relationships are toxic, but the fact that it’s with her own mother is terrible.

and ofc we can’t forget about mayor bourgeois. he is certainly feeding into chloe’s behavior by continuing to purchase things for her and buy her way to the top. it’s not his fault though, because his situation is obviously difficult to escape from. he has a needy daughter and a controlling wife, what do you expect?

but my point here is: after that look into chloe, everyone thought that she was going to have a redemption arc. and with her getting the bee miraculous, we all assumed it was a given. but then they came in and ruined it by making her take ten steps backwards from where she started.

chloe was doing very well before she tried to impress her mother with the miraculous, which i think is very in character for her since of her strained relationship with audrey and because of her past. if she had actually apologized and not been a brat about it, i’m sure that marinette would have let her keep using the miraculous. i think that part of the reason as to why chloe’s redemption stopped was because ladybug hesitated to tell her about how she wasn’t receiving the miraculous ever again. but still, even with this, chloe shouldn’t have turned over to hawkmoth with all of the development she was going through. plus, i just don’t understand why the writers would ruin it (ahem, thomas astruc), because chloe as a hero would be much better than her as a villain. her staying as the antagonist for the whole series is just so draining and it’s getting boring. with her out of the way, they could’ve focused on lila so much more.

i’m not excusing any of chloe’s behavior, that’s a given. but i just wish her redemption arc could’ve been fulfilled.

[warmfaerie]

onedari daisakusen ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

꒰ 𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦 ꒱

you have it all, pretty much!

this subliminal includes my most loved video, "money faerie", as well as "financial freedom".

i included "amulet" for good luck, my self-concept audio, the princess treatment one, as well as "the law is perfect", to make sure you really have no doubts at all!

i also included a booster for instant and only desired results, which is looped many times, in order to saturate the mind.

the song choice isn’t random either. i suggest looking the lyrics up ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

꒰ 𝑎𝑓𝑓𝑖𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 ꒱

𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑎𝑤 𝑖𝑠 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑓𝑒𝑐𝑡 🩰

every aspect of my life is perfect and it will be persistently and permanently perfect.

regardless of futile things like logic, time, obstacles, rejection, third parties, circumstances, anything i desire, already belongs to me.

no matter what, my wishes always get fulfilled.

for that reason, my peace of mind is utterly, absolutely undisturbed. my faith in the law of assumption is so strong, nothing and nobody can manipulate my emotional state.

if my current reality shows me something that doesn’t match imagination, i simply ignore it and go about my day. i keep my head up high, my thoughts positive. i keep living in the state of the wish fulfilled, because i know that circumstances are irrelevant, and can and will be manipulated in order for my wishes to materialize.

no matter what, the law being perfect as it is, my desires have no choice but to materialize in my current reality. they will manifest in the craziest, most unexpected ways if they have to, but they will.

i know for a fact that this reality is nothing but a defective mirror. 

if the mirror shows me something i dislike, i simply ignore it, i know the mirror is broken.

even when i have negative thoughts or experience negative emotions, my desires still manifest, because i was put on this earth to thrive and that’s precisely what’s going to happen.

i am completely detached from anything in this reality that does not serve the real me.

i am strong enough to say no to the things that do not serve me, to not accept a reality i did not ask for.

it doesn’t matter how difficult it gets, i will persist, even thought it won’t be difficult in the slightest. you know what? it will be fun, actually. fun, wholesome, light, warm.

i accept only the reality that i envisioned for myself and nothing more, and i do it because i know i’m worth an entire universe, and that i’m deserving of all the goodness and kindness that this world has to offer.

due to my discipline in utilizing the law, my current reality is quickly adjusted and manipulated to serve me.

movement or the lack of movement mean nothing. i live in the end.

no desire is big or small. no desire belongs on a pedestal.

you wanna know who belongs on a pedestal? i do. 

not the money, not the person i desire, none of that is too big, nor too small, and none of those things are out of reach, and i will not chase any of it, it will chase me, because i am the prize. 

i’m on the pedestal.

i love and respect myself with such strength.

i know what i deserve and i refuse to settle, to manifest only things that are deemed as possible or achievable.

i can get anything i want. anything. and i will.

﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉୨♡୧﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉ 

𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝑒𝑑𝑜𝑚 🩰

go ahead, my love, check your bank account. stop being silly! why are you so anxious? see? you have an absurd amount of money.

this is what your life is going to be like from now on. you are now financially free.

it’s okay, don’t feel guilty. you can use your wealth in a noble way, like, for example, by donating to charities, making sure your family, pets and loved ones have everything they need, and, of course, you deserve to spoil yourself as well!

you can now afford your own apartment and make it all pretty.

you can forget about working, because that’s no longer necessary.

you can dedicate yourself to your interests and passions.

you can take proper care of yourself, you now have the time to cook healthy meals, to move your body, to rest properly, and you can afford things like going to therapy, the dentist or getting a massage.

you can get your nails done, make them look really pretty, with lots of pastel colors, ribbons, charms.

you can finally build your dream wardrobe and book collection.

isn’t that wonderful, that you can have anything you want, now?

don’t feel guilty, you deserve to be financially stable. you deserve this life, okay? you can’t fix every problem in the world, but you can be of help financially now. you can make sure your family doesn’t work a day in their life anymore, either.

you can travel! you can visit lovely cafes, museus, libraries, go to the ballet.

the possibilities are endless.

enjoy your new life, sweet pea. seriously, you deserve it.

where did all this money came or is coming from? absolutely irrelevant!

logic doesn’t apply to manifestation and how things unfold isn’t something you need to worry about. just know that things unfolded in the most perfect way possible. it will all make perfect sense soon, okay?

for now, all you have to do is relax and know that everything is already taken care of.

the wealth already belongs in your life. you already have all of that money. creation is finished. you don’t have to wait any longer, because your wish has already been fulfilled and has materialized in your physical reality.

now, go have fun! life will be a party from now on.

you deserve this. this wealth. this freedom. this joy. 

you were destined to this life.

﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉୨♡୧﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉ 

𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑦 𝑓𝑎𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑒 🩰

♡ i’m extremely wealthy

♡ i have financial freedom

♡ i’m financially stable

♡ i can afford anything i want

♡ i’m constantly being spoiled with gifts and money

♡ where is all this money even coming from?

♡ i don’t even know what to do with all this money

♡ i’m so thankful for being financially stable

♡ it’s such a relief to not have to worry about money

♡ i never had to worry about money growing up, i don’t have to worry about money currently and i never will

♡ i’m so happy because i can treat myself and others without having to look at price tags

♡ i’m so lucky

♡ i’m so spoiled

♡ i’m so comfortable

♡ i’m so relaxed

♡ i’m grateful for my wealth

♡ possessing all this money doesn’t make me selfish or irresponsible

♡ i love helping others

♡ i’m extremely responsible with my finances even though there’s no need to because money literally reproduces in my bank account

♡ checking my bank account doesn’t make me anxious or sad, it makes me feel calm, secure and happy

♡ i can’t wait to treat myself today

♡ i can’t wait to treat myself tomorrow

♡ i love going shopping and ordering things online

♡ i’m a spoiled little princess

♡ it’s perfectly normal to me to have an absurd amount of money

♡ i love money but it loves me so much more

♡ it’s like money is begging to be in my wallet and my bank account

♡ why is money so obsessed with me?

♡ i’m making money in my sleep

♡ i don’t need to work to survive

♡ i’m thriving

♡ i don’t feel guilty for having money

♡ i was put on this earth to thrive

♡ being wealthy is my birthright

♡ i’m thankful for being able to afford anything i want

♡ i don’t associate money with feelings of guilt, scarcity or anxiety

♡ money isn’t a bad thing

♡ money is a blessing

♡ being wealthy allows me to take proper care of my health, to go to therapy, it allows me to travel, to buy all the things my heart desires, books, clothes, makeup, beauty products, videogames, it allows me to study for pleasure, to invest in my hobbies, it brings me comfort. not having to worry about finances reduces stress dramatically and prevents a lot of arguments. rich people are happier, i deserve this too, so i accept money as the blessing that it is and i welcome money into my life

♡ i’m open to receiving money

♡ regardless of time, logic and my current circumstances, i am now a wealthy person, i don’t have to wait any longer. the “how” is none of my concern. i am wealthy right in this moment. period.

♡ every each of my loved ones are financially free, healthy, happy and safe from harm

﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉୨♡୧﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉ 

𝑎𝑚𝑢𝑙𝑒𝑡 🩰

♡ i’m the luckiest person on earth

♡ i always have the best outcome for every situation

♡ everything always works out in my favor

♡ everything always works out for me

♡ i never have to worry about a thing

♡ everything that happens, happens for me, for my benefit

♡ everything always goes the way i want it to

♡ i know i can relax because luck is always on my side

♡ all my worries are dissolving right in this moment, all the fear and anxiety are leaving my body right now

♡ i’m going to do great

♡ i’m going to do a great job

♡ i’m always at my best

♡ it’s factually impossible for me to fail

♡ it’s objectively true that everything always goes my way

♡ i’m completely and objectively immune to bad luck

♡ isn’t it wonderful to know that i can just sit back and relax? that i don’t have to lift a finger to get what i want? that i have nothing to worry about, ever?

♡ i’m constantly attracting amazing things into my life

♡ i’m constantly receiving good news

♡ i am about to receive the most amazing news

♡ i just received the most amazing news

♡ i did wonderfully

♡ whatever it is, i know for a fact that i will nail it

♡ i nailed it

♡ luck is always on my side

♡ i have literal miracles happening to me left and right

♡ even when i’m nervous or think i did poorly, i’m surprised to find out that i actually did spectacularly well

♡ people are constantly mentioning how lucky i am

♡ people literally say they want to be around me because good things always happen to them when we’re together, it’s like i’m their lucky charm

♡ i am a walking good luck amulet

♡ i’m always at the right place at the right time

♡ i always receive the best opportunities

♡ how is it even possible for me to be this fortunate?

﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉୨♡୧﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉ 

𝑝𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡 🩰

♡ i’m a princess, an angel, a little doll, a fairy, the cutest of them all, the sweetest, most beautiful, kindest of them all.

♡ everywhere i go, i get treated like royalty.

♡ i’m constantly being showered with compliments, gifts and money.

♡ i’m constantly being spoiled.

♡ i always get what i want.

♡ this is my reality and, in my reality, everything happens exactly as i want it to.

♡ this is my reality and, in my reality, everyone loves and cherishes me, in my reality, everyone wants to spoil and baby me all the time.

♡ i receive copious amounts of money on a daily basis.

♡ i get paid for being cute, by simply existing as the cute little doll, the fairy princess that i am.

♡ every time i have a crush on someone, they always fall for me too, because i’m just too cute, i’m cute as a button, it’s objectively impossible to resist someone like me.

♡ when i’m dating someone, they always offer to pay for our dates, even though they don’t have to, because i have my own money and i can assure you i have a lot of it. they spoil me rotten with presents, they send me long paragraphs expressing their affection towards me, they’re creative and consistent with compliments, they’re touchy, sweet and romantic, they take me to the prettiest places… the whole package.

♡ i’m extremely fortunate.

♡ i’m just too cute, no one can resist me, everyone wants to give me the entire universe.

♡ my beauty is truly one of a kind, i make the hardest of hearts melt into a pink puddle of love, i can make anyone fall at my feet. i’m elegant, beautiful, intelligent, cute, funny, interesting. i always smell decadent. i’m not only desired, but purely and truthfully and beautifully loved, too. i objectively and factually have no flaws. i’m the definition of perfect.

♡ i’m completely and utterly adored and cherished by legitimately anyone i know.

♡ there’s not one single person on this earth that dislikes me.

♡ i have a wardrobe of a princess, all pastel colors, dresses, skirts, blouses, babydoll tops, empire waist tops, pleated skirts, lace, ruffles, pointelle, ribbons, velvet, dainty florals, all the girly japanese clothing i desire, all the brandy melville items i desire. i have satin hangers in pastel colors and a walk-in closet with velvet pastel pink stools and an ornamented shabby chic style full body mirror.

♡ i have a bedroom fit for a fairy princess like me. i have a king size bed with a velvet pastel pink headboard. i have the prettiest, most coquette bedding. floral quilts, satin sheets and pillowcases, floral sheets, and, of course, pastels, tons of pastels! i have a vanity decorated with all my favorite products and girly trinkets. i have a reading corner with a velvet pastel pink armchair that perfectly matches the rest of the decor and a shelf filled with all my favorite books and the ones i’m still yet to read. i have a pretty ornamented bedside table and a full body mirror that perfectly matches the rest of the space. i have lace curtains and a pretty shabby chic rug decorated with rose motifs. everything is fit for a princess, everything is lovely, feminine, cozy and there’s pastel pink everywhere. i have yankee candles and dried roses that i use as decor. i have the cutest stuffed animals and the most adorable cherished teddies, precious moments and sylvanian families dolls. i also have dolls, of course, i love dolls, and vintage barbie dolls.

♡ i invented elegance. i have excellent manners, my handwriting is pretty and easy to read, i read often, i speak eloquently and always know what to say. i behave properly and adequately as a princess would at all times.

♡ people love, cherish, adore, respect, desire me. i simply do not struggle. everything i want, i get, everyone i want, i get. the world is my oyster.

﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉୨♡୧﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉ 

𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓-𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑝𝑡 🩰

♡ my beauty is truly one of a kind! you can tell god really took its time when creating me, like i’m pretty sure i’m god’s favorite child! 

♡ i’m alluring, magnetic, ethereal, dreamy. i look like a fairy princess, a porcelain doll, a magical creature, just completely and utterly out of this world! 

♡ i’m not just your average pretty. i’m the kind of pretty that has even the hardest, coldest of hearts melt into a puddle of pink honey over the mere sight of me. 

♡ i’m not only desired, but i am truthfully and purely loved. 

♡ i belong on a pedestal. i deserve to be showered with compliments, presents and money at all times, simply for being this cute. i’m so lovely i should get a monthly check for it. it’s objectively and factually true that’s it’s a privilege to be in my company. 

♡ god, even i am dumbfounded by my own magnetism! how can someone be this lovely, this warm, this inviting, this beautiful, this seductive? 

♡ i’m the perfect combination of cute and sensual. innocent looking, but i know my worth. 

♡ i owe myself pure adoration, respect, love, i owe it to myself to give myself the entire universe! i would never settle for less. 

♡ i’m delicious. i smell heavenly, decadent. when people pass me by, they feel my mouthwatering scent and legitimately want to bite a chunk out of me! they want to eat me! 

♡ everything about me is absolutely precious. it’s not just looks. i’m so much more than that! i’m intelligent, funny, humble, kind, empathetic, understanding… i am an amazing person! people feel warm, cozy and safe when they’re in my presence. they instantly feel a connection, like we’ve known each other in another life. they instantly want to tell me all their secrets, because they automatically view me as a safe haven, which i know for a fact that i am. i have a kind, warm and pure heart, and i love being of help to others. 

♡ it’s quite literally impossible to not fall for me! i can assure you this one thing, as soon as i start crushing on someone, they already belong to me. they’re already daydreaming about me, playing cheesy, romantic scenarios in their heads, imagining us kissing, cuddling, texting, all the cute stuff! i’m just so lovely, who wouldn’t want to be with me? who wouldn’t want to be my romantic partner? honestly, let’s be real here, i’m the whole package! 

♡ i’m extremely fortunate, too, in every way! i am constantly being showered with money, i’m constantly receiving good news, being presented with one of a lifetime opportunities, the compliments, the love confessions, it doesn’t stop! i’m really that girl! 

♡ i’m pretty and cute like a kpop idol. i’m absolutely adorable. 

♡ i have the cutest, squishiest mochi cheeks. 

♡ the prettiest, most boopable nose. 

♡ the poutiest, softest, most kissable, rosebud lips. 

♡ the warmest, most perfect smile. my teeth are clean, white, perfectly aligned, and i’m free of any oral health concerns, like stains or cavities. my tongue is pink, pretty, healthy and tastes so, so yummy, like sweet strawberries and fresh mint! my breath smells lovely too at all times, even upon waking up. my gums are strong and healthy and never bleed. i have the perfect oral hygiene, too.

♡ i’m someone who knows how to take proper care of herself! a sweet, pretty girl like me never neglects her hygiene! i’m always clean, fresh and smell lovely. i swear i could run a marathon and not one single drop of sweat would fall off me and i would still smell like a candy shop!

♡ i have long, healthy, glossy, fluffy, doll-like hair. i have a clean, fluffy scalp, free of any skin or hair concerns like dandruff or eczema, and both my scalp and my hair smell divine, like vanilla, coconut, coffee, honey, shea butter, strawberries, just the sweetest, most edible things you could possibly imagine!

♡ i have enormous, sparkly eyes, like a sweet little doll, like an anime girl. 

♡ my face is tiny and cute and round, with crystal clear skin. it looks like i’ve been photoshopped! i purely and simply have no flaws! 

♡ my body is absolutely perfect. i have perfect skin from head to toes and the skin on my body is no exception. the skin on my body smells delicious and is soft as a rose petal, as well as being crystal clear. i have a cute, petite body, with small and perky boobs and booty, a flat tummy, slim, elegant limbs, and small and cute hands and feet. my nails are always taken care of, both on my hands and feet. my hands are soft and hydrated and so are my cute, tiny feet.

♡ i have a wardrobe filled with the sweetest, most feminine things, all frills and pastel colors, which quite literally makes me look like a wedding cake, so pretty and edible! 

♡ i’m pretty, elegant, kind, talented and hardworking, on the same level as wonyoung. you couldn’t take your eyes off me if you tried! i know i stand out. i know i’m the best at everything i do. i know i eat it up every time, whatever it may be, so i simply do not worry at all! 

♡ my bank account is overflowing with money, my heart swelling with joy, my home filled with love, my mind filled with beauty and positivity, my wardrobe filled with clothes fit for a doll, my fridge and pantry filled with delicious, healthy food. 

♡ i move my body out of love and respect for myself and my health. i love to take care of myself, because i know i owe it to myself to be the best version of myself i can be, and i know i owe myself the utmost kindness, too. 

♡ i have healthy habits and hobbies, like reading, ballet, playing the piano, pilates, crocheting, going on hot girl walks, spending quality time with my loved ones and my pets, journaling, and the like. 

♡ i don’t care for my phone much, the real world is far too exciting for me to seek empty connections and a false sensation of comfort online. i am present fully and enjoying my life to the best. 

♡ i have excellent sleeping habits, too. as soon as i lay i bed, i fall asleep in a matter of seconds, have the most wonderful, relaxing dreams, and wake up feeling refreshed, ready to face a new day. i go to bed feeling calm and at ease, because i know that i am a strong person whose emotional state cannot be manipulated that easily, and wake up feeling exciting for what’s to come. 

♡ i look forward to the future, too, because even though i don’t know what resides in it, i know for a fact it will be incredible. 

♡ i’m extremely neat and organized. 

♡ i’m an inspiration to many, people admire my authenticity and look up to me, but i have no haters at all, there’s no jealously, no ill intentions at all from anyone, and how wonderful is that?

﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉୨♡୧﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉ 

𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑠 🩰

i get results instantly and only the ones which i desire.

꒰ 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑡𝑠 ꒱

🎶 https://youtu.be/ZHd-kHQg1oU?si=d8Eklk1qh-Bz-nDi

[lillotte17]

I keep waffling back and forth about what I think actually went down at the end of the last episode.

I know without a doubt that there is more layers to this than what we’ve been shown. It is incredibly suspicious that we don’t actually see the talk between Aziraphale and the Metatron, and we only have Aziraphale’s word about what was said between them. That, and my little author brain hears the line, “Does anyone choose death?” and automatically wants to paint it red and underline it three times.

Something Happened.

But I can’t decide if I feel like Aziraphale was tricked, or that Aziraphale was threatened.

(under a cut bc omg this got long, oops)

On the one hand, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time Aziraphale has been duped. He is especially susceptible to it when someone praises him and makes him feel important. He craves affirmation and purpose, and he is used to looking to Heaven to fulfill those needs, even if they never really met any of his hopes or expectations. If there was going to be a ploy that got him back into Heaven, “you can fix everything forever and bring your SO, too” seems like the exact sort of deal to pull him in.

Evidence in support of being tricked:

-Aziraphale’s genuineness, especially when he starts edging towards desperation. That “I need you!” was tinged with real panic.

-He is (usually) not a very good liar, he typically only gets away with it with angels who happen to be even more guileless than he is.

-I am certain that getting Crowley reinstated as an angel so they could be together was literally his dearest wish at one point. Whether or not it still is might be debatable.

-The fight follows the same pattern that all of their fights seem to. One or both of them storms off, and then Aziraphale pouts until Crowley misses him enough to come back and they patch things up. Only this time there isn't the opportunity for reconciliation.

-The fact that he does seem waffle for a few moments at the end when the Metatron comes back into the bookstore and asks if there is anything he needs to take with him. He’s clearly staring out the window at Crowley and grasps at the excuse of not wanting to leave his bookshop unattended, more like someone who feels like he might actually have a choice in these proceedings than someone who just had to push away the person they love to keep them safe.

On the other hand, the idea that Aziraphale would just blithely run back to Heaven and believe that they would want to give him a big bag of candy, the love of his life, and a huge promotion when they literally tried to execute him a few short years ago feels like a stretch, even for his usual level of gullibility. He absolutely still believes that Heaven is better than Hell, and he misses being a ‘certified’ angel with assignments to ‘do good,’ but thinking that he would trust Heaven and the Metatron so implicitly on such short notice with no real proof of their good intentions seems almost insulting to both his intelligence and his character growth from season 1. It would make much more sense (to me), if he pushed Crowley away intentionally, knowing that if Crowley thought that one or both of them was in some sort of danger, he would fight it tooth and nail, and quite possibly get erased from existence in the process.

Evidence in support of being threatened:

-He clearly did NOT want to go to the coffee shop with the Metatron, nor did he seem particularly excited about the alleged offer afterwards until he got back into the bookshop and started talking to Crowley. He was visibly uncomfortable in the Metatron’s presence the entire time, which is a little strange for someone who genuinely believes that the Metatron has just offered him his heart’s deepest desires.

-The alleged deal on offer is just TOO perfect. It’s exactly the sort of thing pre-armeggedidn’t Aziraphale probably daydreamed about in the bathtub surrounded by rose-scented candles. Exactly the sort of “too good to pass up” deal he would make up to tell Crowley why he was leaving, because it sounds exactly like what he’s always told him that he wanted.

-The fight was flawless. He didn’t JUST tell Crowley that he decided to take a position with Heaven again. He lumped Crowley in with the rest of Hell as ‘the bad guys.’ He insinuated that in order for them to be together, Crowley would have to become both an angel AND his subordinate. He refused to engage with any counter-argument Crowley offered. The bitter-sounding 'I forgive you,' after the kiss. This wasn’t just tripping over an unknown stumbling block in their relationship, this was falling down a flight of stairs face-first and hitting absolutely every step on the way down. Everything was framed in the worst way possible. And personally, I cannot reconcile the idea that Aziraphale, who has known Crowley since before time itself began, would somehow believe that Crowley would not only agree to this deal, but think that he might actually be excited about it. Crowley's resentment of Heaven is one of his strongest and loudest opinions. There is no way that Aziraphale doesn't know this about him. Every phase of their conversation almost feels designed to wound.

-Aziraphale is not only unsurprised by Crowley’s confession, but he doesn’t even seem especially pleased to hear it. This season, Aziraphale has made several less-than-subtle implications that he is operating under the assumption that he and Crowley are already an item, even if they haven’t actually put an official name to anything. He immediately corrects Crowley in episode 1, saying that the fragile peace they created belongs to both of them, it’s an existence they are sharing and enjoying together. Similarly, he insists that the Bentley and the bookshop belong to both of them, even if they each only own one on paper. The amount of casual touching has gone through the roof. When he asks Crowley to dance and drags him to the dance floor, giggling the whole way, that is not the demeanor of an angel pining after someone he hopes will return his affections, that is an angel who already knows that his feelings are reciprocated, and is absolutely giddy at the idea that they have an excuse to do something romantic like dancing at a ball. I cannot believe that the same angel who gasped and grabbed onto Crowley like a lifeline as he watched Gabriel and Beelzebub get the sort of happy ending he's always hoped for, would hear the love of his life offer to be an 'us', and answer with anything less than enthusiasm, or at least an admonishment that they are already an 'us'. Instead, he sort of just...dances around it. Turns it back towards the idea of returning to Heaven without even acknowledging the fact that the person he loves more or less just asked to spend eternity together. I know they both have bad habits of talking over each other and not really listening when they think they know what's best, but that is...quite a significant dodge. How do you skim over something you've been waiting to hear for at least the last hundred years, if not longer?

-I have seen the claims that Aziraphale looks like he is about to say 'I love you,' before changing it to 'I forgive you,' but the moment that always catches me is right after Crowley turns away. He does this shaky sharp inhale of breath and his mouth moves in what seems to either be, 'no' or 'don't', but he reels it back in. He swallows it down, and looks completely miserable about it. And just...why? Why not call after him? Why not chase him to the door? Sure, he's stubborn, and he has his pride, but the love of his life is leaving, and if Aziraphale really wants Crowley to go with him, if he really believes that going to Heaven would make both of them happy and safe...why not push harder for it? Why not break out the 'I love you's and the 'I want you to be safe', or even the 'I want to see you as happy now as you were before you fell', if that's what he really thinks being an angel would do for Crowley? Yes, I know, 'Communication Problems', but a lot of those walls come crashing down when you really think you're going to lose something. That's why panicked OTP confessions when one half of the pair is grievously injured is a Thing.

-The elevator smile. Everyone has their theories, of course, but my favorite was summarized with "it is a lovely day in Heaven and you are a horrible goose angel." That is the face of an angel who is heartbroken and FURIOUS, and has every intention of making it absolutely everyone else's problem. He doesn't look happy, but he does look satisfied. 'It worked. Crowley got away. He got away.'

~~

I know it seems like I have a lot more arguments for the latter than the former, but it's one of those maddening situations where like...I know which one it would be if I was the one writing it, but sometimes the curtains really are just blue. And sometimes people who know each other well, and love each other with their whole hearts, are still stupid about things and fight and say things they don't mean. Sometimes people take the bait. Sometimes people get tricked. Sometimes they lose what they love the most while trying their best to hold onto it. Either theory makes sense. Either premise could lead to a satisfying and happy ending when machinations are revealed later. I trust that Mr. Gaiman knows what he's about. Hence the waffling.

[bb-bare-bones]

Deya's Favourite Body Horror Films

Art and Words by Dy Dawson, @xgardensinspace

John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982)

Films that have practical special effects tend to be my absolute favourites! And this film is – at least in my humble opinion – the holy grail for practical special effects! I never get tired of watching bodies becoming unrecognisable masses of bone and sinew in this incredible film, and the fact that everything looks agonisingly real whilst being done through the power of makeup and human hands with such extensive precision blows my mind! EVERY GODDAMNED TIME!

The Void (2016)

Similarly to The Thing, I praise the shit out of this hidden gem because the practical effects are PRISTINE! I don’t wish to say much about this one because it’s a real treat, and the fact that they managed to build a WHOLE creature on such a tight budget (plus all the many other special effects) is insanely amazing. A must watch, if you haven’t already!

Braindead (1992)

For this one I would like to say, buckets of blood and a lawnmower. That is all.

Nah, but in all seriousness, this is considered to be the goriest film of all time, and for good measure. It’s extremely campy, but all the effects are practical (I think you might start seeing the pattern here), super well done, and even if this is a horror comedy, the gory scenes are bound to make you feel icky! Also…Peter Jackson made this masterpiece before Lord of the Rings. I just think that’s fucking precious.

Child’s Play 2 (1990)

Some might not consider this a “body horror” film, but if we really think about it, this film series still contains an extensive showcase of body horror as a doll is quite literally turning human. This could fall under the “mutation” bracket of body horror. The first two films do the best job at showcasing that; the doll’s appearance shifts as Chucky spends time inside the doll. It’s shown through the progression of his staining teeth, the receding hairline, and a blemished face. I have specifically selected Child’s Play 2 because it’s got the most beautiful blend of this “mutation”, and the violation of the doll’s (human) body itself. That final scene in the factory is the best, and this stands as the only film that I couldn’t sleep with after watching. Sure, I was 8 years old, but I’ve been watching horror since the age of 5 and the fact that this one genuinely frightened me and has now turned into one of my favourite franchises saysa lot (mee thinks).

Akira (1988)

This film is simply amazing! And the most stunning example of body horror in animation! Well, the kind about physical human body mutilation, of course. But the animation behind those scenes is pure bliss and such a beautifully grotesque visual. I played King of Fighters before actually watching Akira, though. So when I saw Tetsuo’s arm do “the thing” for the very first time, you can imagine how happy I was to know there was a magnificent reference to the character X/9999. It fulfilled some childhood nostalgia I didn’t know I was craving, and seeing those scenes in the movie still runs chills down my spine because that animation is GORGEOUSLY disturbing. And trust me, I like to be disturbed.

Hellraiser (1987)

My favourite thing about body horror is the absolute gory violation and destruction of the human body. The whole centrepiece of this film is body mutilation, so of course it’s going to be on my list! My favourite scene is when Frank Cotton is being resurrected from the floorboards of the attic. When that spine connects to the brain, I shriek with Frank in pure awestruck! Another thing I love about body horror is THE GOOP! I need fluids, blood and goop and ooze and stringy bits. And that scene has SO much of it!

If I’m not being disturbed and/or disgusted, am I really watching horror?

Re-Animator (1985)

What can I say about this one that Ed hasn’t already? I mean… c’mon! There is SO much body horror and practical effects in this baddie to fill an entire house! I mean, the opening scene has exploding eyeballs, for Pete’s sake! And the entirety of Dr. Halsey head is oscar-winning material for the makeup department! As well as for the effectiveness of working smart, not hard. This entire film is a beautiful collection of practical effects that work effectively by not spending an absurd amount of money. It’s a B-film for a reason! And let’s face it, B-films often have some of the best effects in the industry because people have to work around that tight budget, get very creative and manage to deliver effects that can withstand the test of time, as well as look as convincing as possible. Re-Animator does this so well, and I sometimes forget Dr. Halsey isn’t actually decapitated in that fucking scene. Such a simple effect accomplished incredibly effectively.

Ginger Snaps (2000)

This is one of my favourite films, but not necessarily for the body horror; it’s just such a bloody good story! I still wanted to include it because I feel it’s a bit of an underrated or not very talked about film. Anyone with a period needs to watch it, first of all… And the practical special effects for Ginger’s werewolf transformation are genuinely impressive! One of my favourite things about this film is the opening sequence, with the sisters’ photoshoot on deaths. They are all very precious ways to die, and some are very body-horror oriented! (As well as the social commentary on women and their periods. It’s fucking BRILLIANT!)

Event Horizon (1997)

This one is truly a treat for sci-fi and horror films alike! And if you, like me, adore both genres, this film is just a treasure! It’s gorey, it’s gritty, and the plot is to die for. A little Hellraiser around the edges, but who’s complaining? And the special effects are truly magnificent! Also, look out for deleted scenes or the unrated versions of this film, please. You cannot miss this film in its full horrific glory!

Taxidermia (2006)

Taxidermia’s a bit odd, but I love it for exactly that reason. It’s one of the only films to have genuinely disturbed me; although it’s for my emetophobia reason rather than for body horror-situations. Although…it brings the question on whether competitive food eating is a bit of a violation on the body, hehe. It’s a film about 3 generations of one family, through the POV of the grandfather, the dad and the son. The biggest “body horror” part in this film is the last segment, and boy is it beautiful! Well, the bits with the son only. The body metamorphosis the dad went through is certainly grotesque, but the effects are sort of unrealistic/comedic(?) and thus look a bit silly. But trust me, that final transformation the son goes through is truly beautiful :)

Again… a really bizarre little Hungarian film, but if you are interested, go watch it and don’t say I didn’t warn you! I also don’t personally know anybody who has seen this film…so it’s always great to recommend and put it out there!

Honourable Mentions:

Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989)

This one is here for being ICONIC. This film is so creative and artsy about its body horror. Certainly taking inspiration from Akira, but also just being unsettling for its stylised way of showcasing the destruction of the human body. Bits and wires everywhere! In black and white? SURE! I love the red of blood, but this movie gets a pass for its sheer imaginative way of displaying body horror.

The Fly (1986)

Love this film, but surprisingly it’s not one of my favourites! I wanted to include it here though, because the metamorphosis Seth Brundle goes through is EXTREMELY grotesque! It’s got absolutely everything I adore about the genre: Physical human body violations, gore, GOOP, and practical effects.

Scanners (1981)

Honestly, this one is just here because I FUCKING love that head exploding scene everyone knows about :b LITERAL ART!

Black Sheep (2006)

A dark comedy! Or horror comedy? Either way, this fucking film is DISTURBING! The practical effects are to die for, and the final creature sent shivers down my spine. I don’t care how silly this film is, if it wasn’t comedic, this would be a straight up HORROR of the most disturbing kind. And besides, anything making commentary on animal cruelty and animal testing is a definite narrative artistry about body horror in my book.

American Mary (2012)

This film has A TON of body horror displays! Full frontal and all. It’s one of my picks that isn’t just about gorey mutilation, but actual sexual violation as well :0 It’s got such a strong message, and the visuals are pretty great! Extra points for empowering women ;)

Slither (2006)

This film is only here for being one of the only ones to genuinely disgust and disturb me. The transformation of that one woman in the barn creeps me to the core :( And that doesn’t happen often! So as much as I hate this movie for making me feel uncomfortable, it’s gotta be on the list, right?

Society (1989)

This film is also fucking GROSS. Commentary on the rich being as disgusting as the actions happening, and as gross as they look in the end of this film is fucking GOLD! I’m all for it. Definitely not one of my favourites (it’s just a little boring at parts), but worth mentioning for that social commentary mixed in with absolutely horrendous body mutilation scenes done with practical effects.

Splinter (2008)

Another little hidden gem of a movie! I don’t hear people talk about this one ENOUGH! One of two films in my list that doesn’t exclusively include practical effects (I think). But that’s okay! Because this film is SO creative and has such a unique version of the zombie virus! It certainly will shake you; especially if hearing and/or seeing bones cracking is one of your “irk” uncomfy factors.

[animebw]

Seasonal Reflection: Spring 2023 Anime

Now that’s more fucking like it. I was feeling pretty down on anime after a disappointing winter season, but spring has come in like a freight train to remind us why this medium is so damn important (just in time for summer to let us down again because my god this new crop of shows is looking thiiiiiiiiiiin). Making the choice not to stick with shows I wasn’t enjoying just for the sake of completion was clearly the right call, because not only did that leave me with fewer bad shows sucking my my free time and motivation, it meant I was able to much more happily appreciate the bevy of excellent offerings that Spring 2023 had to offer. From an absolute top-tier run of rom-coms to a slew of entrancing fantasy series, I was never at a loss for things to enjoy. I’ve already shared by thoughts on Vinland Saga’s flawed but excellent second season (8/10) and the abysmal, overrated trash heap that was Oshi no Ko (3/10), as well as quick thoughts on all the series I ended up dropping. But if you want to know my thoughts on the other shows I watched to completion? Then read on, and see which spring offerings are worth checking out!

Uma Musume To the Top: 4/10

One of these days, I’ll be able to better articulate why this franchise leaves me so cold. What is it about Uma Musume that made fans go gaga for historical racehorses anthropomorphized as cute anime idol horsegirls that I’m not getting? Cause from where I’m sitting, the whole thing is just a bloated, overwrought exercise in hacky melodrama and shrink-wrapped moeblob pandering with the occasional actually pretty decent sports anime arc thrown in there. The whole thing just feels so cynical and calculating, from its lazily slapped-together premise that feels like three random popular anime genres shoved in a blender with no rhyme or reason to the obnoxious soap-opera histrionics that define its attempts at tugging your heartstrings. And while this 4-episode OVA certainly has the best, most exhilaration animation of the bunch- seriously- it is stunning how good the racing looks- it also makes the unforgivable mistake of having zero Gold Ship content. They got rid of the funniest character in the show and I will never forgive them for it.

Kubo Won’t Let Me Be Invisible: 4.5/10

I think 2023 is the year that something officially snapped in me. I have just entirely lost patience with middling rom-coms that exist for no other reason than to sell the fantasy of a perfect manic pixie dream girl who’ll love your totally bland forgettable self. I mean, not like I had much patience for them to begin with in the first place, but watching Kubo Won’t Let Me Be Invisible felt like staring the futility of mindless wish fulfillment itself in the face. Does it have some good jokes? Yeah. Is the animation pleasing enough? Sure. But between the embarrassingly forced whimsy in the soundtrack and the treacly sweet presentation that tarts up this bargain-bin Takagi-san like some sweeping, romantic ideal, the inherent emptiness at the heart of the fantasy it’s selling just becomes impossible to ignore. Boys, I beg you: get higher standards for yourself and the shows you watch. You will not cure your loneliness by losing yourself in the illusion of a perfectly sweet, doting girlfriend who’ll never ask you to outgrow the things you hate about yourself. You deserve better than settling for endless self-indulgence at the hands of an industry that doesn’t believe you’re capable of more than that. Or just, you know, at least only watch anime of this kind that actually are good, compelling stories in their own right with more to say than “Gee, wouldn’t it be great if Kana Hanazawa was the only person in the whole world who I mattered to?” There’s even one of those later in this list! You don’t have to settle for mediocrity! Seriously!

My Home Hero: 4.5/10

I feel bad for this show, because it’s one of those cases where it’s obvious you’re getting a vastly inferior version of the story. The concept of a cat-and-mouse thriller where the protagonists are just a normal family of everyday middle-class busybodies trying to outwit a yakuza conspiracy after killing one of their goons is a pretty unique one, and the writing goes a long way to sell out on the fact that these are just an ordinary middle-aged couple thrust into a hectic situation and doing their best with the limited skills at their disposal. Even if the writing can be overly convenient at times with how much they’re able to plan ahead, there’s some good stuff here. Unfortunately, it was adapted to anime by Tezuko Productions, one of the most bafflingly incompetent studios to still get reliable work. So the animation falls apart any time it has to depict anything more complex than characters talking and walking, the art direction is uniformly ugly and stilted, and the horrendously conceived score tries so hard to sound epic and edgy that it turns every potentially gut-wrenching moment into a laughingstock of poorly executed melodrama. If you’ve got any interest in this story at all, just go straight for the manga and forget this turd exists.

Yuri is My Job: 5.5/10

Something to know about me: I hate cringe. And if there’s one type of cringe I can’t stand above all others, it’s watching performers mess up on stage and ruin the show for the audience. As a former theater kid, nothing makes we want to curl up in a ball and die more than a stage play going off the rails and the actors being left lost and adrift while the audience stares and murmurs in worry. I say all this to tell you that I watched Yuri is My Job- a show that is primarily focused on watching actors almost fail in live performance over and over again in the messiest. most emotionally charged ways possible- and I almost managed to make myself like it. What can I say, I’m a sucker for subversive yuri deconstructions that explore the liminal space between ambiguous Class S-style stock yuri tropes and real feelings of lesbian love. Especially when they’re willing to let their characters be this messy and difficult. But man, there were times I had to watch this show with my hands over my eyes from sheer concentrated cringe. Do not let the yuri fool you into thinking this is just another soft and sweet gay girl romance, this shit gets rough. But as long as you have a stronger stomach than me for this kind of thing- and if you don’t ask too many questions about what these girls’ lives are like when they’re not play-acting for customers in a yuri schoolgirl cafe because we never fucking leave this location- you might find something really worthwhile here.

Otaku Elf: 5.5/10

Every season, there’s one anime that sneaks under the radar at first but slowly accrues more and more good will over time, establishing itself as an underappreciated gem for anyone smart enough to go looking for it. And this season, that show was Otaku Elf, an inconsistent but enjoyable blend of chill slice-of-life antics- centered on a young shrine maiden looking after the titular shut-in elf who serves as her temple’s local deity- and bite-sized history lessons about the life and culture of people in Japan’s Edo period. It’s got some surprisingly warm and nuanced character writing for its two leads, and their relationship as they push and pull from different perspectives on life leads to a handful of emotional moments I’d genuinely consider magical. Sadly, the further the show strays outside that central relationship, the less interesting it gets, with most of the side characters- the maiden’s perfectly angelic younger sister, other elves enshrined as deities as their caretakers- coming off as half-baked in comparison. It’s a bit of a crap shoot whether any given episode will pluck at your heartstrings or bore you to tears depending on what it chooses to focus on. But when it’s good, it’s really good, and it’s worth a look for anyone who enjoys historical trivia mixed in with their comfort viewing.

The Ancient Magus’ Bride Season 2: 6/10

In retrospect, I’m really glad I went back and re-evaluated my opinion on Magus Bride season 1 before this new entry came out. Not just because it helped me realize how much I’d underappreciated one of the most captivating fantasy anime of the modern era, but because it drives home that this second season’s sluggish pace is, in fact, an issue. Magus Bride has always been a very slow and ruminative series, trickling through moments like streams through a mud-clogged riverbed en route to its big character moments. But even by those generous standards, this has been sloooooooooooow going. Lots of table setting, lots of new characters with new conflicts, lots of buildup for multiple different plotlines that don’t always feel meaningfully connected and will require a damn good payoff to make this slow start worth it. Luckily we’ve got a second cours coming in the fall, so there’s still plenty of time to turn Chise’s experience at magic college into another worthwhile entry in this powerful series. Until then, I’ll hang tight to the things this series still does well- its primordial depiction of magic, a wonderful soundtrack, the complexities of Chise and Elias’ relationship, Chise’s continued journey toward understanding and cultivating her self-worth- in hopes the end result will be just as magical as what came before.

Birdie Wing Season 2: 6/10

Is there a point where a series who’s primary appeal is how brazenly over-the-top it goes starts to run out of steam? Believe it or not, being stupid and bonkers is an art unto itself, and it takes real talent to sustain. For every Akiba Maid War that constantly ups the ante until it blows its stack with an absolute barn-burner finale, there are countless Highschool of the Deads that slowly dribble away their incredible manic energy over time, leaving nothing behind but the same tired anime cliches as always. And as much as I enjoyed seeing the rollicking madness of Birdie Wing come to close, I can’t deny that I felt my interest starting to slip as this second and final season went on. It just doesn’t do enough to surpass the bar it set with the insane high-stakes golf mafia death matches in the first season. Which I acknowledge is a high bar to clear, but for all the hilariously overdramatic soap opera twists and sudden power-ups that dominate the matches in this season, it never quite manages to measure up to that wonderful madcap energy that made its first season such a lightning-bolt success. Or, I dunno, maybe they shouldn’t have split up the main goddamn couple for basically the entire season. Especially when the same studio was already doing another, much better handled lesbian separation arc over in G-Witch. Seriously, Sunrise, anything you want to get off your chest? I feel like you might have some issues.

Ranking of Kings: Treasure Chest of Courage: 7.5/10

It feels like we’re heading into a very bizarre trend in side story “season 2″s lately. First Ranking of Kings, Horimiya next season, and the Quintessential Quintuplets somewhere down the line, so many shows are spending entire seasons on side content going through stuff from the source material they either skipped over or rushed through. And I can’t help but worry that sets a bad precedent for anime adaptations; we seriously do not need to legitimize shows hacking their source material to pieces for the sake of modern broadcast standards any more than they already are. On the other hand, though... man, it’s hard to complain when the end result does such a great job living up to its source. The Treasure Chest of Courage is every bit as whimsical, emotional, and gorgeously animated as the first season of Ranking of Kings, all the same heart and imagination in bite-sized pieces exploring the finer details in ways that make you appreciate the base story even more. It even fixes a few of my big issues with the main show’s back half and sets things up for an apparent proper season 2 sometime in the future! We’ll see if Horimiya and Quints can keep up those high standards, but for now, this is an exceptional interquel that’s bound to make you fall in love with one of anime’s best modern fantasy yarns all over again.

The Dangers in My Heart: 7.5/10

If you started watching The Dangers in My Heart only to drop it after the very first scene, I can’t blame you. The prospect of putting up with a school-shooter level misanthropic loner of a protagonist gleefully fantasizing about brutalizing his crush was almost enough to make me nope out right away. But thank god I kept watching, because once you get past that horrifically unrepresentative opening scene, it quickly becomes clear that The Dangers in My Heart is actually a genuinely wonderful little rom-com that fully understands just how much edgelord middle school nonsense is just insecure kids trying to figure out their place in the world. So few rom-coms like this really get the precise blend of hormones, awkwardness, insecurity, and cringe that defines so many middle school foibles, let alone one that understands the interiority of its female characters well enough to make them feel more fleshed out than trophy wives. But this show nails that early adolescent hellscape without ever coming off exploitative of it (well, almost; there are some obnoxious fanservice moments that really didn’t need to exist, thankfully few and far between). And really, who else but the director of the similarly true-to-life Teasing Master Takagi-san could pull that off so well? Just make it through that opening scene and you’ll very quickly find yourself falling for these idiots just like I did.

My Love Story with Yamada-kun at Lv999: 8/10

God, it’s so fucking good to have shoujo rom-coms again. We went through such a drought period where the genre basically faded into nonexistence save for the Fruits Basket remake, but it feels like they’re finally coming back into fashion. And what better way to remind the world how marvelous the world of shoujo romance can be than another collaboration between the studio and director that graced us with the masterpiece My Love Story back in 2015... with another show called My Love Story? You couldn’t ask for a more surefire winning formula, and sure enough My Love Story with Yamada-kun at Lv999 is a delight from start to finish. It’s nominally about failgirl extraordinaire Akane meeting the socially awkward and emotionally distant hot boy Yamada through the RPG they play together, but the game stuff is actually a pretty small part of it. At heart, this show is about the messiness of young adulthood, and the ways people fumble through the highs and lows of coming of age as they develop into fully concrete people. And it captures that chaos with all the sharp, creative direction, thoughtful character writing, and feel-good romantic fireworks you should expect from this creative team. It’s a gut-busting, feel-good, achingly sincere gem of a show, and I recommend it to everyone in need of a little more whimsy in your life.

Skip and Loafer: 8.5/10

It’s absolutely insane to me that the Skip and Loafer manga is published in the same seinen magazine as Vinland Saga, because this is one of the most authentically shoujo teen coming-of-age delights we’ve had in a long time. Small-town girl Mitsumi moves to the big city to excel at a prestigious high school and make her dreams of rebuilding her hometown come true, only to have her perfect plans derailed by the chaos of growing up, from friends to crushes to high school curveballs. It’s so rare for a story to capture adolescence this authentically, the moments both big and small that define our paths toward maturity as we begin to figure out who we want to be. Watching Skip and Loafer made me reflect on my own high school experiences, good and bad alike, and be grateful for all the steps I took that brought me to where I am today. And any show that can get me so introspective about myself is a show worth celebrating. Plus it’s got the legendary Tomoyo Kurosawa in the leading role, and it’s got a prominent adult trans side character (Nao-chan is perfect and needs more screentime in season 2 or I riot), and the OP makes my cheeks hurt from smiling too hard... yeah, PA works has once again knocked it out of the park. Somebody stop them, they’re growing too powerful!

Heavenly Delusion: 8.5/10

To summarize Heavenly Delusion in a single sentence is, I’m afraid, impossible. I could say it’s a post-apocalyptic mystery thriller that feels like the love child of Shinsekai Yori and The Promised Neverland, but that doesn’t quite do it justice. I could say it’s a dizzying double-track story that does a better job than pretty much any other series as letting you pick up clues on your own, but that’s doesn’t tell you enough either. I could say it’s host to one of the most staggering, masterpiece anime productions ever put to television with no shortage of the greatest singular episodes and individual cuts I’ve ever seen, but even that falls short. I could even say it’s a deeply flawed, intensely problematic series that’s trying to unpack so many different ideas about gender and sexuality with no guardrails to keep it from hurtling off track, but even that leaves out so much. Ultimately, though, the only way I can describe Heavenly Delusion is that it is Heavenly Fucking Delusion, and it’s one of the single most mesmerizing anime I’ve ever had the pleasure to watch. It’s a tour-de-force capital-E Event the likes of which we so rarely get nowadays, and if you think you can stomach the dark places it goes in its exploration of humanity’s corrosion and reconstruction, then you absolutely owe it to yourself to give it a watch. Just be aware there’s a content warning for an incredibly upsetting scene of sexual assault near the end, and I mean that seriously. I like to think I’m pretty desensitized and even I felt kind of sick and unclean by the time that scene was over. Watch at your own discretion.

Insomniacs After School: 8.5/10

So fun fact: this is the rare series where I’ve actually read the manga before the anime was even announced! One of my Discord friends introduced me to Insomniacs After School, and despite my normal aversion to manga, I fell helplessly, recklessly head over heels in love with it. And if this adaptation made you feel any inch of that magic, then you owe it to yourself to check out the manga right away. Not just because there’s more story to cover beyond the anime’s admittedly pretty perfect stopping point, but because Lidenfilms’ workmanlike production is only able to capture, like 70% of what makes this series so special. And this stirring tale of two insomniacs learning to navigate the trauma of their sleepless nights together deserves to be experienced at its full, unblemished power. It’s an absolutely wonderful slow-burn romance that captures the nuances of teenage friend groups and coming of age like so few series I’ve consumed, and its portrayal of Nakami and Magari’s growing companionship under the night sky is sure to melt your heart into a sugary-sweet puddle. It’ll make you learn for your lost youth more palpably than any other show you’re likely to watch this year. And even in a season already jammed to the gills with exemplary rom-coms that really, truly get what it means to be a teenager or young adult, this slightly subpar take on the material still stands head and shoulders above them all.

Mobile Suit Gundam: the Witch from Mercury Season 2: 9/10

Be honest: did any other show even have a shot? For all the wonderfully realistic rom-coms and ambitious seinen mindfucks this season gave us, there was only ever one true contender to the throne. And I’m thrilled to say that after a fantastic first season putting all the pieces in perfect order, Gundam: Witch From Mercury stuck the landing with a riveting second season that smashed the game board and  sent everything spiraling out of control in the best way possible. It’s like Ichiro Ookuchi took all the right lessons from his work on Code Geass- a seamless blend of high school melodrama and gut-wrenching mecha warfare, dizzying plotting that leaves you gasping for breath at the end of every episode, a sheer unrivaled confidence in the chaos of love and war- and refined them to a razor’s edge, delivering a never-ending roller coaster of jaw-dropping battles, explosive emotional payoffs, stunning twists that all make sense in retrospect, tears, laughter, hard choices, flawed characters overcoming their weaknesses, and a true coronation of Suletta and Miroine as one of the all-time great anime yuri couples. At times you can’t help but wish for more time to explore the many worldbuilding details and side characters that fall by the wayside as the chaos takes hold; two cours just isn’t enough to do justice to all the complex, interconnecting ideas this series is juggling. But the fact it works as well as it does, and bring it all home for such a satisfying finale, is proof of just how damn miraculous this series has been from start to finish. I couldn’t ask for a more perfect introduction to this storied franchise, and I couldn’t be more excited to see what this creative team will come up with next. And if you somehow haven’t gotten around to watching it yet? Fix that as soon as possible. You won’t regret it for a second.

[redbreastedbird]

hi robin!!

i randomly searched up mmu on tumblr (am i procrastinating? mayhaps. anyway...) and found you on here and i just wanted to say thank you. my mum first found your books around 2017 and i followed along with the releases from there. i loved having a murder mystery set in the Olden Times with characters who weren't all white, i thought that was more realistic. i didn't understand why the books were getting gayer, but so was my friend group and i was there for the ride for both. i realised after the original series ended that i'm bisexual, and i am so thankful to you for providing that representation i didn't really have outside of real life. especially with queer characters engaging with religion literally at all. i still don't get to see that much.

i've recently been thinking about how lucky i've been coming to terms with the queer part of my identity despite the struggles, and your books were a major part of what i consider to be this good fortune. did i probably use the "pash" thing as an excuse for the girls i was inexplicably drawn to when i was 12 because i lacked comprehension skills? yes, but now i get to look back and laugh at myself and have those epiphanies, so it's a win overall.

also, this feels like a strange side note, but can i please make hazel and alexander bi4bi in my head? as a treat?

thank you so, so much. it's my understanding that, as a writer, you can never truly know how many people you impacted or how you helped them. here's my way of saying that you helped me much more deeply than i knew at the time, and for that i will forever be grateful. thank you.

-LJ

This is such a beautiful ask, thank you so much. It’s so humbling to hear stories like this - it is hard to really focus on what my books mean to readers because when I think about it too much I get so overwhelmed I feel like lying down on the ground for the rest of the day, but I do absolutely know how much my own favourite authors meant and mean to me.

I genuinely am the person I am because of the books I read growing up, at both a macro and micro level - I still don’t fold over the pages of books while I read them because a character in Fire and Hemlock by Diana Wynne Jones says not to, for example! That’s a small one, but I know that my character has literally been shaped by my favourite books and authors, and so knowing that I am helping to shape other people’s lives in the same way is completely bewildering.

I met two fans the other day who go to university in a particular place because of my books, I know fans who have become friends because of my series, and of course there are so many fans like you who have felt able to come out and be proud of who they are because of Daisy and Amina. It’s just incredible, and I feel so lucky to be part of all of your stories in such a meaningful way, whether or not we ever actually meet.

So thank you! I wish you a wonderful, fulfilled and happy life - and of course you can headcanon Hazel and Alexander as bi4bi! I think that entirely makes sense.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas!!! I’m so appreciative for the safe space you’ve created and I wish only the best for you. If you have any wisdom for me I could really use it, this might be a lot and all over the place so please only answer if you have the spoons <3

In 1 week I’m quitting my job (along with the entire career path that goes with it) and I feel so broken over it. This career has been my dream since I was 11yo, it’s non-standard, creative, pays plenty, and gives me the freedom to choose what I work on, when I work, and who I want work with. I dropped out of my university with just 1 year left of my bachelors to pursue it because I hated school so much. I have genuinely put every ounce of myself into it. And... I hate it so much. I haven’t told anyone yet because I can barely admit it to myself.

I’m so scared because I don’t think I know who I am without this job. I feel like I have nothing else going for me in my life, I don’t have a group of people I can lean on and I can’t go finish my degree and have no other qualifications. It’s not that I feel I can’t make something of myself now because I know I can but it’s more so like starting next week everything I’ve done in my life will amount to a pile of nothing. And honestly? I feel pretty pathetic realizing that I only really have my job, I’m not good with people and don’t make friends easily and when I do I can’t bring myself to make them last, I’m not incredibly smart or clever, and tbh I don’t think luck has ever been on my side.

I’m also scared that I’m giving up on something that I shouldn’t. I can’t help but feel like I ruined it for myself in a very Vienna way. I was 19 when I left school and I don’t think I ever coped with the overwhelming feeling of oh my god I have to work everyday for the rest of my life and have real responsibilities now and what if that was too much and if I started my job when I was 22 I’d be fine and I’d still love it. I’m absolutely certain in my decision to leave but I don’t know how I’m going to confront losing everything I know about my identity. And what if when I do figure something else out, my tragic disconnectedness makes me hate that too because I feel like it’s inevitable that I grow to hate everything around me.

Hi!

Oh god, this is SO relatable for me. And really, I think you're definitely doing the right thing.

A few things...

First of all, even though you're quitting your job now, that doesn't make the work you did in the past suddenly amount to nothing. It's still something you can be proud of. Hell, from a purely neutral standpoint, holding a job for a decent amount of time looks great on a resume!

I also think it's absolutely brave an commendable that you're taking a step to better your life by searching for what makes you happy. There's NOTHING wrong with doing that at all, and I genuinely wish I could do the same.

As far as realizing your job is your identity- I've been there. During covid, when I couldn't teach, I realized that teaching had become my entire personality. I took all my self-worth from being a good teacher. And I went through a literal depression. But it forced me to find hobbies and spend time with my wife (then-fiancee) and rethink things that are important to me.

Take this time to figure out what makes you you. What hobbies do you enjoy? What makes you happy? Go out by yourself to a bar or to a movie or an art class. Find what makes you feel fulfilled and do it a lot.

You've got this, and I'm SO proud of you for taking this step!

(Also I am naming all the anons who write to me in case they want to write in the future, and I am using a random positive affirmation generator to do so. So I dub thee: brave anon. Enjoy your free tag!)

[theluckywizard]

In the Shattering of Things, Ch. 38: Marshaling the Faithful

Latest chapter of my Dragon Age Inquisition Long Fic In the Shattering of Things

Fic Summary: Lady Rose Trevelyan's idle, aristocratic life blinks out in a haze of irrelevance when the breach destroys the Conclave. She may be soft and coddled when she joins the Inquisition, but there's a fierceness inside her she's yet to fully recognize. Armed with only a few relevant skills and the mark that makes her a legend, she is thrust onto a path delivering hope where it’s long been scorched away and finds comfort in the grumpy, handsome stick in the mud charged with her protection and training. As she stumbles her way across southern Thedas, she begins to realize she's tangled at the center of machinations she barely understands, and she's not alone in that. Enter Hawke.

Chapter 38: Marshaling the Faithful

Chapter Summary: As Rose and the Inquisition leaders attempt to formulate a plan to move forward from their tenuous position in the mountain pass, she grapples with the growing reverence and fervor of those around her and what it could mean for her.

Excerpt:

I approach the medical tent just as a worker spills from it, stumbling out, the whites of his eyes visible all the way around, his face blanched of color. Ellendra follows him out, wiping her hands on her apron, unimpressed by the show.

“What now?” she demands in an exasperated tone.

“It’s back!” he cries, his voice quavering in terror, pointing at the tent.

“The ghost, is it?” she asks, her face as skeptical as her unyielding tone. “Maker, Quent. We don’t have time for this nonsense.”

“A ghost?” I ask, joining them.

“Ah, Herald. Perhaps you can talk some sense into him. We’ve got to prepare patients for transport.”

“Herald,” he breathes, trying to retrieve himself from the clutches of fear and embarrassment.

“Did she say a ghost?” I ask, wondering what he could be on about.

“Y-yes,” he sighs. “Looming over Chancellor Roderick this time. It’s a demon or something. A spirit of death come to take him!”

“But nobody else sees him?”

“Silvette saw it yesterday, too. But I didn’t at the time and I gave her lip about it. I feel like a proper git now,” he admits.

“I’ll have a look then,” I tell him, feeling like nothing could terrify me after the harrowing events of Haven and my escape. 

I duck into the darkness of the medical tent, which is dimly lit by magical orbs of clinical white light held aloft over brass devices set on hastily assembled tables. There aren’t many patients at least, but I see Roderick gazing at me, muttering softly to himself in one corner and I approach, dropping to my knees beside him. After a moment, his eyes slip closed.

In the Chantry he’d expressed hope in me. Faith even. And here he lay, damp and delirious with fever, restless while he sleeps in the final grip of some manner of infection. I find myself hoping that I’d delivered, that I’d fulfilled whatever he came to believe about me. Him of all people, the stuffed shirt who lambasted me all those times early on. Who insisted I was some manner of heretic, rather than an impossibly confused woman who was incidentally marked by magic. Somehow I craved his absolution.

“He thinks you’re a spirit,” comes a soft voice to my left. I clutch my chest in a start, my entire insides seizing. A ghost. But it’s only the boy who’d arrived ahead of the Red Templars, Cole, he’d said, perched on the table at the foot of Roderick’s deathbed. He was strange from the beginning, but there’s something more about him. And as startling as his sudden arrival is, his presence is nothing but serenity itself.

“Roderick you mean?”

“You came to him, he thought you came for him. Sent by Andraste to bring him to the Maker.”

“I wish that were true. For him,” I say softly, absently, as I look upon him, another casualty of the attack.

“If he believes it, then it’s a little bit true,” replies Cole. “I could make it true for him.”

“You could make it true? What do you mean?” I ask. 

“He’s suffering– the wound won’t heal, corrupted, crowded with crystals…” My breath snags in the back of my throat– his wound is like mine. I scan Roderick again. Is this to be my fate? Sweating and muttering until infection claims me?

“I could take him to his Maker. We could do it. He’d believe it was you.”

“You’re not suggesting–”

“It would be mercy,” says Cole. “I want to help.”

“But that’s– wrong,” I say, feeling it reflexively deep within me, that lifetime of conditioning that life is sacred and not to be stolen.

“His pain is wrong,” the boy answers. And there’s some truth to that. Roderick is not long for the world, and there’s little to do but try to make him comfortable. “He could believe. We could give him that.”

“We?”

“I won’t do it if you tell me not to,” he says, strangely subservient to me.

“Why– would you wait for me?”

“Because you understand things that I don’t.”

Roderick stirs slightly again, mumbled prayers slipping through cracked lips, begging for the Maker, for Andraste to bring him to his side. His suffering twists like a knife in my side and I know the shriek of the lyrium within him. There’s no peace for him now.

“All right,” I say to Cole. “End his suffering.” Cole silently glides from his perch as if perfectly weightless, a whisper of a being in spite of being here. Perhaps he’s not a boy at all.

In less than a second with a glint of blade, Roderick’s throat is cut so cleanly it looks like a hairline of red across his neck. I’m transfixed by it, by the horror of it and then the force of his blood surges from the wound and the reality of my choice spills all over the cot beneath him. I stumble in a panic back into the center tent pole, the whole of the structure wobbling and rustling.

“You– cut his throat,” I gasp. Cole looks at me, bewildered by my reaction.

“I ended his suffering,” he says, baffled, wiping his blade.

“But– not like that. How could you do it like that?” I demand in a hiss. I collect myself– I need rags– something to stop the blood. Something to clean up– so that people don’t know what I allowed. “Help me,” I beg him but I look up and Cole is gone, whisking away as silently as he’d appeared and I’m left with the remains of someone who mattered, someone I’d allowed to be killed as they bleed out all over the medical tent.

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