#this is all so excessive i feel like the people in my life are SIGNIFICANTLY more excited than i am

[hella1975]

i told my mum about my date on sunday (bc it's now very much on sunday and im going to his HOUSE where he's cooking me DINNER if i see even a single candle im gonna make a break for it) and she's literally fucking ecstatic she thinks it's the funniest thing ever my favourite comments include:

every variation of 'please be nice'

'you're going to eat him alive'

'are you wearing that?' (i am in my pyjamas)

(upon finding out he's half american) 'that's not his fault. he cant help it'

'i cant wait to tell your sister so i can beat her with it'

'so you have a guy at home and a guy at uni now?' (STRAWBERRY GUY I AM CHEATING ON YOU LOOK AWAY 😭)

'i stayed the night at his-' 'I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT'

'wear those boots with your skirt you always look so nice in that!' 'but i'll have to shave my legs :(' '*the most disappointed expression you've ever seen*'

'i hope he sees the more sensitive side of you that you dig out like. once a year'

[nebjamin]

MAJOR APOLLO JUSTICE: ACE ATTORNEY SPOILERS

So, I didn’t like AJ:AA as much as I thought I would.

Keep in mind that my prior experience with Ace Attorney (AA) before this was the Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney Trilogy (1-3) and The Great Ace Attorney (TGAA) Chronicles, so I had very high standards. I’m a PC guy, so I just play the games when they get ported over. Also, I haven’t seen much discourse about this game, so I have no idea if my thoughts are a brand new hot take or the same stuff people have been saying for years. That said, here are my very long and drawn-out thoughts about Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney.

Apollo Justice is (not) doing fine.

Apollo Justice is a new defense attorney and the protagonist of this game, following up Phoenix Wright from the first three AA games. These are major shoes to fill, but moving to a new protagonist made sense - they essentially finished Phoenix’s story in the previous game in the series. Justice is a less experienced attorney than Wright, so of course he’d trip up a bit in court and occasionally fold under the tremendous pressure of prosecutor and air guitar extraordinaire Klavier Gavin (more on him later). However, I’m sure the writers could have handled this in a way that feels less frustrating to the player.

Most of the time, Justice appears helpless in the courtroom. He tries his best, but is ultimately forced into a corner by the prosecution. Ace Attorney cases are typically a constant back-and-forth between the defense and prosecution: the prosecution embarasses the defense, then the defense has a revelation and dominates the prosecution, then the prosecution dismantles the defense’s theory and forces them back into a corner, and the process repeats until a Not Guilty verdict is reached (with few exceptions). However, Justice tends to spend significantly more time crying in the corner than making a case for himself. Apollo certainly has his moments, but they felt far and few between. Half of Apollo’s gimmick is his “Chords of Steel,” or his incredibly loud voice. Even if he has nothing to say, let my man shout. His mentor is THE Phoenix Wright, after all - let Justice bluff a bit, even if it doesn’t always work out at first. 

The other half of his gimmick is his bracelet, which lets him find minute details of a person’s body language, and use that discovery to pull the person into the shadow realm to question them and extract the truth. This is a really creative idea which breathed some new life into the gameplay of the four cases, but I do feel like it could have been executed significantly better. In order to find the details of a person’s body language, Justice’s vision excessively zooms in on a character, and the player is tasked with panning around with Justice’s super-powered eyes as the witness gives their testimony. When you’re that zoomed in, finding a slight twitch of a finger or a bit of moisture in a witness’ armpit can feel like finding a needle in a human haystack, especially when you have absolutely no idea what you’re looking for. It’s a great concept, but in execution, it proves to be more frustrating than enjoyable.

Given how helpless he is in the courtroom, I felt that Justice and his revelations don’t really drive the story as much as they should. More often, he just happens to be there in the courtroom as the story happens to him. This doesn’t change much as the game progresses either - he has some growth over the course of the story, but it isn’t really felt as the cases march onwards. Unfortunately, Justice never really grows the strength and mental fortitude to push the story and the mystery forward himself. Even when he does in Dual Destinies, it feels like borderline character assassination, but that’s a different game that deserves a different rant (coming soon?????). In AJ:AA, there’s another character who really pushes the story forward, constantly leaving Justice in the dust.

Klavier Gavin is ready to rock (a little too hard).

SPOILERS FOR ACE ATTORNEY 1 & 3 IN THIS SECTION

Klavier Gavin is this game’s new prosecutor, and he also has big shoes to fill - but for different reasons. Each Ace Attorney game up to this point has had different prosecutors facing off against the defense, and the standouts were undoubtedly Miles Edgeworth and Godot (my apologies to the Von Karma and Payne families). Edgeworth was Phoenix Wright’s first main prosecutor opponent, and he was formidable for many reasons - he was a very skilled prosecutor, he had much more experience in the courtroom than Wright, and he had never lost a case. Thus, when he experienced his first ever loss to novice defense attorney Phoenix Wright, he was horrified. He came back for revenge and lost again and again, until Wright defended him in court as the defendant against the legendary prosecutor Manfred Von Karma, causing him to re-evaluate. This made Edgeworth an incredibly complex and intriguing character, and a great opponent in the courtroom. Two games later, Godot served as the main prosecutor of AA3, and was also a hugely complex character due in large part to his past association with Mia Fey. Fey was Wright’s late mentor, and Godot’s complicated relationship with both Fey and Wright made him a very interesting opponent, especially in the last case of the game. I still can’t hear the words “the only time a lawyer can cry is when it’s all over” without tearing up just a little bit. These prosecutors all went to war against Wright in the courtroom, and were devastated when facing defeat. Not Klavier Gavin, though. He’s different.

As Justice got his first Not Guilty verdict against Gavin, Gavin simply stood and smiled. He wasn’t banging on his desk or breaking coffee cups like two other prosecutors I know - he just stood and smiled. This created an air of mystery around him - why isn’t he upset? Did he want to lose? What is this guy’s motivation? Although this left me feeling somewhat unsatisfied with the case’s conclusion, I moved on to the next case in the hopes that something would eventually be explained. But it wasn’t. Even as the game came to its conclusion, Klavier Gavin didn’t have a single major breakdown. It was as if every event of the game went exactly as he planned it. If that’s how Gavin’s actions were supposed to be interpreted, then it makes for a very unsatisfying conclusion. Apollo Justice was the protagonist, and yet no victory was truly his - he was just guided along the correct path by the prosecutor on the other side of the courtroom. Gavin would often give Justice hints or lead him into a line of reasoning that Justice would need to win the case, which makes me feel like this was what the writers were trying to do with his character. Yet, with an “antagonist” that predicts your every move and is always one step ahead, you need two things: an overarching goal and a defeat at the hands of the protagonist. In Gavin’s case, these two were in constant conflict.

Klavier Gavin’s main motivation throughout the game appeared to revolve around his older brother, Kristoph Gavin. Kristoph was referred to as “the devil” and was found to be the culprit of both the first and last cases of the game (more on both of those later), and I believe it’s safe to say he was the overall antagonist of the game. Klavier Gavin, being his brother, had complex feelings towards him in theory - he loved Kristoph as a brother, but hated him for who he was and what he’d done. This was also not executed well, as we (the players) were never really given a glimpse into what this relationship was - we were just told that it was there. The interactions between Klavier and Kristoph were very limited in number, and showed nothing more than the surface level of their relationship. Don’t get me wrong - I like it when details like that are just implied, and I don’t need every little thing spelled out for me. Still, I felt like their relationship was shown a little too much to be “just implied,” but not enough to be explored in any meaningful depth. When Kristoph was found guilty at the end of the last case, Klavier seemed happy, proudly declaring to his brother that “Kristoph… it’s over.” It appeared that this was what he wanted, this was his end goal, this was his motivation. He got it - he won. Yet, this made for a very unsatisfying conclusion, as Apollo Justice was the protagonist, and he needed to win too. He won each case, sure, but Klavier never lost. Klavier was always one step ahead of Justice, and he got what he wanted without much difficulty. The protagonist never truly won if we consider Justice to be the protagonist, but what if we consider Klavier to be the protagonist?

In order for Klavier to function as the protagonist, he would need one thing that he doesn’t show nearly enough of: character growth. The first time we see him, he’s already a successful prosecutor AND the lead guitarist, singer, and frontman of a ridiculously successful rock band NAMED AFTER HIM. There isn’t much further to go from there. He shows this success in the courtroom too: he appears cocky and confident, forcing Justice into corner after corner, with a charismatic smile that rarely leaves his face. His only point of weakness seems to be his brother. Supposedly, he’s always lived in the shadow of his brother, and this is his chance at redemption - but is it really? What part of headlining a rock band NAMED AFTER YOU is living in your brother’s shadow? What part of his long, successful career as a prosecutor is in his brother’s shadow? His confidence wavers a little as he faces his brother at the end of the story, but that is the only time he’s shown interacting with his brother. Ultimately, Klavier stares his brother down, watches as Justice corners Kristoph in a cross-examination, and smiles as his brother is taken back to jail for good. His demeanor never changes - he never seems any less cocky, and he always has the same exact smile. It’s as if the story doesn’t affect him. This is frankly frustrating to watch, seeing all his potential as a character go to waste. He has minimal character growth, and the little he has isn’t earned. Klavier is a bad antagonist and a bad protagonist, as if the writers had no idea what to do with him.

If you want my theory on the matter, I think the writers really wanted to create a character that people would like. They saw the people’s love of Edgeworth, of Franziska Von Karma (to some extent), and of Godot, and they wanted to replicate that feeling. In their attempts, though, they forgot what made those prosecutors so loveable. Yeah, they were quirky and charismatic little guys to some extent, but they were also powerful foes who proved to be mountains for Phoenix Wright to conquer. We hated them as enemies at first sight, but as we got to know them better, we came to love them as friendly rivals. Not only that, but they all grew as characters in meaningful ways. With Klavier, they tried to rush the process, and it didn’t work out. They wanted us to love Klavier from the start by making him cool and a bit quirky, but that was all on the surface level. We loved what laid beneath the surface of Wright’s relationships with Edgeworth, Franziska, and Godot - we loved the depth of their characters and of their stories. In order to give Klavier and his relationship with Apollo that kind of depth, they would have needed to build Klavier’s character up much more over time. However, that would mean that Klavier’s character couldn’t already be perfect from the start. The writers assumed that we loved the previous prosecutors because of how cool they were on the surface, but they missed everything beneath the surface level that was truly the foundation for our collective love for our foes of the past. Then again, that’s just my theory - I have no idea what was actually going on in the writer’s room at the time.

I did like Klavier Gavin as a character, I just didn’t love him, and I honestly think he’s my least favorite main prosecutor of the series only because of the high standards set by other prosecutors. Nothing will beat out my love for Godot and the TGAA prosecutors, and unfortunately Gavin didn’t even come close. In fact, my favorite case from the game is actually the only one he isn’t involved in.

Case 1: Turnabout Trump (lives up to its name).

I would like to clarify that the game and I are referring to the verb “trump,” which means “to get the better of” (Merriam-Webster Dictionary). I am not referring to the former president of the United States. This game was released in 2007, 9 years before the start of the presidency of Donald Trump. It was released 15 years after Trump played his prolific role in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, though. That seems important.

Nonetheless, I genuinely believe this is one of the greatest opening cases in an Ace Attorney game, right up there with AA3 and TGAA 1 & 2. It does a great job of introducing Apollo Justice as an attorney and putting the player into his shoes, while showing that his heart is in the right place but he still has room to grow. Unfortunately, he never wound up growing that much in this game, but that’s a problem to take up with the rest of this game’s cases. This case also functions as the player’s introduction to the overall mystery of AJ:AA, and Justice acts as your eyes into this new world of unsolved mysteries. This game takes place 7 years after the previous game in the series, and the old protagonist, Phoenix Wright, is very different from how we last saw him. AA3’s conclusion saw Wright win his hardest (and best-written) case yet as a successful attorney with a growing history of success, but AJ:AA opens with Wright as a disgraced, disbarred former attorney, working as a pianist that can’t even play the piano. He’s even the suspect of a murder in this opening case. Naturally, the player has to wonder what caused this, which sets them on track to uncover the mysteries that the rest of the game has in store for them. Apollo feels the same way, and thus your motivations align as player and protagonist. This helps the player better connect with the new protagonist, and Apollo Justice already feels at home as the new head of the Ace Attorney series (until Dual Destinies at least). Not only that, but the other new character introduced also proves to be fascinating and intricately connected to the mystery at hand.

This case also functions as the player’s introduction to Kristoph Gavin, a renowned defense attorney that appears to be friends with Wright, and Justice’s mentor. He walks the player through the tutorial, which is not only useful from a gameplay perspective, but also portrays him as a reliable character from a storytelling perspective. This seemingly tiny detail makes the player trust Kristoph more, just like Justice does, and thus puts the player further into Justice’s shoes. Mia Fey gave the same instructions to Phoenix Wright in the first Ace Attorney game and she was very trustworthy, so the player would subconsciously think of Kristoph the same way they thought of Fey, putting them on the same pedestal. Justice trusts Kristoph as his mentor, so once more the player feels better connected with the new protagonist. This isn’t the only way the game tricks the player into trusting Kristoph, though. Typically in the first case of an Ace Attorney game, there will be four or five major characters - the defense attorney, the prosecutor, the defendant, the witness that turns out to be the true culprit, and possibly a mentor or partner for the defense. Thus, when the witness (Ms. Olga Orly) takes the stand, the player would naturally assume that they’re the true culprit - it’s happened in opening cases in games prior, and it would proceed to happen again in future games. Kristoph tries to guide Justice (and the player by extension) to accuse Ms. Orly, which would naturally make sense to the player. They trust Kristoph and they’ve done this song and dance a few times by this point - it must be Orly. However, Wright leads Justice and the player in a different direction, with the knowledge that Orly isn’t the real killer. Instead, it’s actually Kristoph Gavin himself, in a massive betrayal and twist as the writers flip the opening case formula on its head. Wright takes the stand next to you as you prove your formerly trusted mentor’s guilt, sending him off to jail. The writers completely subverted the player’s expectations over the course of one short case.

Additionally, this perfectly clues Justice and the player into the mysteries of the game, without revealing too much. The player knows just enough to wonder, but not enough to have any answers. What happened to Wright? What’s with his pendant? What was Kristoph’s motive? What aren’t they telling us? All of this gets the player (or at least got me) genuinely interested and excited for the events to come, especially after this wonderfully-written case. I was worried that these cases wouldn’t be able to live up to the ridiculously high bar set by their predecessors, but this case proved that the writers were more than capable. At least, I thought it did. You’ve already seen the first two sections of this essay, so you know that this game did not live up to my expectations at all. In addition to the previous games, I blame this first case for setting the bar way too high for the rest of the game. Because of this case, I expected the rest of the game to have superb writing and direction to match this masterpiece of a case, but it didn’t. I felt that the rest of the game’s cases - 2 and 3 - were just okay at best. They certainly had their moments, but ultimately, they were just average. I don’t have much to say about them (although I’ll touch on them a bit in the “other things I want to rant about” section), but after all the mysteries introduced in the first case, there was a lot hinging on the grand finale: case 4. I was still extremely curious to find out the answers, but ultimately, the way they were delivered was nothing more than a letdown for me.

Case 4: The MASON System (has an error).

I have a LOT to complain about for the fourth and final case, so I’m splitting it up into two parts, like how it was in the game. I know I’m skipping over the first half of the case, but my main criticisms really lie in the case’s dramatic and disappointing conclusion. First, I’ll be talking about the portion taking place in the MASON System, which frankly just confused me and took me out of the experience. I can only suspend my disbelief so much, and this weird and unexplained segment pushed me over the top. I’m still not entirely clear on what the MASON System even is, but I’ll do my best to explain what I experienced inside it. As the player, you see what appears to be a loading screen, and then you’re shown a black background covered in moving green binary code, just like something a hacker from of a cheesy 90s movie would see as they hack into the mainframe (as you can see in the image above). In front and facing you is Phoenix Wright, who appears to be talking directly to you. He’s not talking to Justice anymore, because Justice isn’t here, wherever or whatever here is. Wright appears talking directly to you, the player. The player is later revealed to be seeing through the eyes of “Juror No. 6,” but I’ll get more into that in the next section since it isn’t revealed until the end of the case. It also doesn’t explain how the juror got immersed in the MASON System or what it even is, but I digress. Wright then tells you that you can use the system to jump through space and time in order to experience Wright’s memories and to find the “keys” (evidence) to unlocking the truth, which you’ll then use to find the real truth of the mystery.

If you got lost somewhere in that last paragraph, me too. The game doesn’t explain how the MASON System connects to anything else in the game (or in Ace Attorney canon for that matter), how it knows Wright’s memories so intimately that the user can fully re-experience them, and why Justice can only get that game-changing evidence after some random juror experiences Wright’s memories. As far as I’m aware, this is the only time something like this has been done in Ace Attorney, and for good reason: it completely breaks immersion. Even if Wright isn’t actually breaking the fourth wall, it certainly appears like he is, which is not something Ace Attorney has ever done in a serious manner before, outside telling a player to press a certain button in a tutorial. The presence of Juror No. 6 is used at the end of the case to show that it wasn’t actually a fourth wall break, but that was long after the player left the MASON System and long after my inversion was ruined. I can accept weird and barely explained concepts in Ace Attorney - in fact, I’ve come to expect it. However, these usually follow a set of established rules in the Ace Attorney universe, so the player stays immersed. There’s nothing realistic or sensical about Wright’s “Psyche-Locks,” the Fey family’s ability to summon spirits of the dead, or really anything in Spirit of Justice (I’ve only played the first case, don’t spoil it for me). However, it’s an established rule in the world of Ace Attorney that magic exists and certain people can wield it. Thus, despite not being at all realistic, it makes sense in the context of the world. The MASON System, however, does not. I still don’t really understand it, and honestly, my enjoyment of the game is heightened if I just forget about the system itself and just remember what happened inside of it.

Even if I didn’t like the MASON System as a concept, I have to give credit where credit’s due: I did enjoy experiencing Wright’s memories and slowly starting to piece together the truth of the incident that led to Wright getting disbarred and the apparent death of Thalassa Gramarye. There were two ongoing mysteries at that point - the case of Magnifi Gramarye’s death (and Wright’s disbarment) from 7 years ago, and the case of Drew Misham’s death in the present. These two appeared to be inseparable from each other, and the truth about both would have to come out together. In truth, I’m kind of a sucker for mysteries where the past and present collide, even if it’s on the verge of becoming an overused trope in the Ace Attorney series by this point. I love figuring out the truth behind a long-lost case of the past and using that to answer questions about the present, and the MASON System delivers that perfectly. I especially love the use of Psyche-Locks throughout, which are essentially visualizations of secrets that people hide. These appear when a person is hiding something from Wright, and by presenting evidence, you can crack open these “locks” until the truth is finally laid bare. In this section, you slowly pick away at Valant Gramarye’s Psyche-Locks as you explore and gain new evidence. You figure out the existence of a secret as you question Valant, explore somewhere or someone else until you have the right evidence to force the truth out of him, then come back and land another blow that gets you ever closer to the truths behind Magnifi’s death and the Thalassa incident. This allows the player to see how close they’re getting to the heart of the mystery, and is certainly much better than any use of Psyche-Locks in Dual Destinies, where you already have the evidence from the moment the locks are put on display. Then again, that’s another essay for another time. I may not like how the writers used the MASON System to link Wright’s past to Justice’s present, but that was a very satisfying part of the mystery to conquer - if you ignore the MASON System itself, that is. Now that the answers to the mystery are starting to make themselves apparent, all the writers had to do was to stick the landing and call it a day, but it felt more like a belly flop than anything.

Case 4: Turnabout Succession (was not a success).

SPOILERS FOR THE GREAT ACE ATTORNEY 1 IN THIS SECTION

Most of case 4 played out like the rest of the cases in this game: just okay. It wasn’t exceptional, but I don’t have any major problems with it either. My main issue was the way the case was concluded, with a strange turn of events that felt out-of-place and caused a generally unsatisfying conclusion that ultimately made the journey feel like a waste. To explain this, let me give some context about Phoenix Wright’s adventures before and during the events of this game. Despite having been disbarred for presenting forged evidence in court, he was still very involved with the legal system and creating change within it. Specifically, he wanted to incorporate a jurist system into the courts, meaning that the verdict would be decided by six jurors instead of just a judge. This trial would be the first in the country to use the jurist system, and would be a test of this new system. Additionally, it’s revealed at the end of the trial that the player takes the role of a juror, Juror No. 6. This is the same character that experienced the MASON System just prior. Given all this information, you might be wondering: Why does Phoenix Wright have the power to alter the trial system in such a drastic way? Why would the verdict of a “test run” of a new system decide whether the defendant, a 19-year-old girl, spends the rest of her life in jail? Why does the player, who plays the role of the defense attorney, also get to play the role of the juror who decides the verdict of the case? And to those questions, I have no answer, and neither does the game. The end of this last trial entirely revolves around this “jurist system” subplot, and yet it feels tacked-on and pointless in the grand scheme of the game’s story. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a bad concept - Kristoph Gavin’s breakdown at the hands of the jury showed a glimpse of everything this game could have been. Yet, it just felt improperly executed, as if the writers just forgot about it until the last moment and scribbled down a couple new plot points at the end to make it fit. Furthermore, the whole concept of a jurist system as it existed in AJ:AA just isn’t compatible with the Ace Attorney formula. The judge’s decision is an integral part of a trial, and the only reasonable way they could make it work would be something like the system in The Great Ace Attorney 1 & 2. In TGAA games, the jurors are right in front of the judge, and both the defense and prosecution can argue directly to them. Instead of maintaining the idea of an anonymous jury decision behind closed doors, Dual Destinies just pretended that the jurist system was never introduced, which was honestly a smart decision if they wanted to maintain the classic Ace Attorney formula.

At the very end of the case, the player takes control of Juror No. 6, and gets to make their vote to decide whether the defendant is guilty. The player, who has been arguing that the defendant isn’t guilty to the court for hours, gets the chance to decide whether or not the defendant is guilty. As you can probably tell, there is a correct answer. An Ace Attorney game with multiple endings is a cool idea in theory, but in practice, there’s really only one ending in AJ:AA. If you choose to declare the defendant “not guilty,” you finally catch the real killer and happy music plays as the credits roll. If, for whatever reason, you declare the defendant that you’ve been defending for multiple hours “guilty,” then you’re told that the defendant died in a hospital bed and you’re kicked back to the main menu. The credits don’t even roll if you decide to indict the defendant. The idea of choice is a very important one to this game’s story, yet the one real choice the player is given has a correct answer, and the game punishes you for answering incorrectly. Once again, this doesn’t feel thought-through at all - it was just tacked on at the end for seemingly no reason at all. Still, that doesn’t mean it’s a bad concept. For instance, what if it was used in a case like “The Adventure of the Runaway Room” (case 3) from The Great Ace Attorney: Adventures? That case was an incredibly interesting case for a number of reasons, including the fact that it was the protagonist’s first time acting as an attorney in a court with a jury. But more than that, it was interesting because of one ginormous detail of its beautifully unsatisfying and unsettling conclusion: it’s never made clear whether the defendant did or didn’t commit the crime. You get your “not guilty” verdict from the jury, but you never get a magnificent breakdown from the true culprit, and the defendant acts smug and suspicious as he’s given permission to walk free. In this case, there wasn’t a right or wrong answer, and neither the player nor the protagonist are ever given an answer as to whether or not they did the right thing. They just have to live in suspense and pray that they didn’t just set a murderer loose upon the world. If the final case of AJ:AA was structured more like this, it would make sense to have the player make the decision, since it easily could go either way. However, this isn’t at all similar to what the case actually was, leading to immense disappointment instead of the unease and intrigue it should have provided.

Even so, there was one thing this ending did right: the reveal of Juror No. 6’s identity. By this point, Thalassa Gramarye’s true identity has been revealed as not just the wife of Shadi Enigmar and daughter of Magnifi Gramarye, but also the mother of Apollo Justice as well as the mother of Phoenix Wright’s adopted daughter, Trucy Wright. The key to this realization laid in the bracelet she had on her wrist, which was identical to the one worn by Justice which gave him his powers. However, during his investigation, Phoenix Wright also learned that Thalssa had an unfortunate death in an accident years and years ago. When Juror No. 6’s perspective is shown as they look down on a screen with options for “guilty” and “not guilty,” a reflection is shown on the screen, vaguely showing the face of a prominent witness from “Turnabout Serenade” (case 3) by the name of Lamiroir. She always wore a hood and a mask over her face, which I assumed was just meant to make life easier for the animators. Still, it was instantly recognizable, even if it was just a faint silhouette. Additionally, her sleeve extended up her arm, showing that beautiful and recognizable pattern the player had seen numerous times behind the witness stand. Yet, as the player controls her arm and moves it to the “guilty” or “not guilty” buttons, her sleeve falls down, revealing a golden bracelet - identical to the one worn by Apollo Justice. Thalassa Gramarye is still very much alive, and she’s living life as Lamiroir. I was grinning ear to ear with my jaw on the floor as the answer to the game’s final (intentional) mystery was revealed - exactly how I should feel at the end of an Ace Attorney game. The reveal was subtle enough that I felt smart for figuring out what it meant, but obvious enough that it was near-impossible to miss. The game doesn’t outright tell you what it means (until a wrap-up scene right after), but instead takes a look at the puzzle of answers you’ve been building up throughout the story, and gives you the final piece. Because of this perfectly-written moment at the end, the game actually left a pretty good taste in my mouth, despite everything I just complained about. I may not have loved a lot about the ending of this case, but this one detail almost makes it all worth it. Almost.

Other things I want to rant about

SPOILERS FOR ACE ATTORNEY 1 & 5 IN THE FIRST PARAGRAPH

I’ve talked about all my main points of controversy about this game, but there’s still a bit I want to get off my chest about a few other topics. I don’t have as much to say about these as I did about my main topics, but this is a comprehensive essay on nearly all of my thoughts about Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney, so why stop now? First, let’s talk a bit about the man in the picture above: Phoenix Wright. Honestly, I liked the way the writers treated him in this game. Introducing the former lawyer extraordinaire as a washed-up bum raises a lot of intrigue from the player, and seeing him in his natural habitat at the defense’s bench supporting Justice was a satisfying thing to see. To Justice, Wright serves as a mentor. Although he’s a very different character now, he still has the intelligence and the whimsy that Wright is known for. He’ll act mysterious when it comes to important topics and he’ll get serious when he needs to, but he’s also just telling dad jokes and reminiscing on his days of presenting his attorney’s badge to every person he saw. He’s an old, retired veteran of an attorney, and a hero for Justice to look up to. Yet, at the same time, he’s a weird and silly old dude with that same old silly sense of humor he’s always had. It would have been very easy to essentially pull a character assassination on Wright by putting him into this role, but the writers of AJ:AA walked the tightrope perfectly and gave the foundations for him to be a great mentor to Justice and possibly take on a role similar to that of Mia Fey for the rest of the series (with or without dying). I have mixed feelings about their decision to bring him back as an attorney in Dual Destinies instead of just entrusting Justice (and maybe Cykes) with the lawyering duties, but then again, that’s another essay for another time.

While we’re on the topic of characters, there’s one more I wanted to rant a bit about: Trucy Wright. As I mentioned in the last section, Trucy is the adopted daughter of Phoenix Wright, and plays a role as an assistant in this game similar to Maya Fey in past Ace Attorney games. (Which makes sense, since Trucy is Justice’s biological sister. Wait, as I’m typing this, I’m realizing: were they ever told that they were siblings? That’s their character dynamic, but Wright just says at the end of AJ:AA that he’ll tell them when the time is right. Was it still not time yet by the end of Dual Destinies? THEY DESERVE TO KNOW!) Trucy’s profession at age 15 is that of a magician, being the sole true heir to the legacy of the famous Gramarye family of magicians. I like her character and her role in the story overall, but I have one major complaint: why are the writers so obsessed with this 15-year-old girl’s panties? The first major magic trick of hers that’s shown is her “magic panties” trick, in which she can make things appear and disappear into her panties. Her panties essentially act as a pocket dimension, like Mary Poppins’ bag. For whatever reason, the writers KEEP COMING BACK to the same panty trick, OVER and OVER and OVER. It’s supposedly her most popular trick, and yet neither she, her adopted father, nor Justice ever question why an audience of grown adults is so keen on seeing this 15-year-old girl’s panties. In so much of anime and so many anime games, there’s that one episode or that one scene that you just can’t defend, and in this game (AND IN DUAL DESTINIES TOO) they just can’t let it go. As much as I love her character, this is the one sin I can’t overlook, no matter how much I want to.

There’s no way to talk about Ace Attorney without talking about the music. I don’t have any real analysis to make about the new tracks in AJ:AA, but I do want to say that I really like the new direction they took with the music in this new game. Justice is a new protagonist, so his music shouldn’t sound exactly the same as Wright’s, but it should still be recognizable enough to feel like a proper Ace Attorney game. The OST of AJ:AA does this near-perfectly. Even Justice’s “objection” theme goes by a different name: “A New Trial is in Session.” Justice is his own person and his own attorney, and this shows the new direction that the Ace Attorney franchise would be going in from here on out. This is another detail that was written out by the writers of Dual Destinies, for the better or worse, but the people behind AJ:AA had no way of knowing what the next game would do. Justice’s new tracks all have a uniquely “Apollo Justice” feeling to them, from the objection theme to the pursuit theme to the all-new “perceive” theme for Justice’s body language-reading abilities. Klavier’s theme feels perfectly cool and high-energy, and Kristoph’s theme feels like the exact opposite with a slow and methodical feel. Also, the various little easter eggs revolving around Klavier’s theme never failed to make me laugh, from hearing it in a live performance in case 3 to hearing a little pixelated version of his theme as his ringtone. And for the guitar’s serenade, well, I could probably write a whole paragraph about that. Actually-

Lamiroir was introduced in case 3 as a singer from the fictional Eastern European country of Borginia, and a very talented singer at that. We’d later learn that she’s actually Thalassa Gramarye after getting shot, losing her memories, and being presumed dead, but that’s neither here nor there. There may not have been enough space on a DS cartridge to fit high-quality human voices, but there was enough space to fit a midi file with a high-pitched part that represented the singing voice of Lamiroir. This track is one of my favorites of the entire OST. Towards the beginning of the case, you witness a joint performance between Lamiroir and Klavier Gavin, entitled “The Guitar’s Serenade.” You’ll be hearing this track again and again as you analyze the video for evidence over the course of the trial, and also because you just want to hear the song again, turn on your phone’s flashlight, and wave it back and forth over your head to the beat. Despite being such a small audio file without any actual human singing, it perfectly displays the soft, gentle, and beautiful nature of Lamiroir’s voice. The Ace Attorney games usually just have to say “trust me bro” after telling you what a witness’ voice sounds like, but this is the exception. Additionally, parts of the song are used in Lamiroir’s theme, giving it that same gentle, majestic, and elegant energy found in the song. This made it very easy to like Lamiroir as a character, which only added more magic to the reveal of her true identity at the end of the game and its story. I’m honestly not sure if I want her to return in a later game for more, or if I’d rather not hear a worse interpretation of her character that sours the memories of her character in this game. I guess all I can do is place my trust in the writers, no matter how hard of a task that may be.

Now, for a (not so) quick rapid-fire round: Payne was really funny in the first case as he completely lost control of the trial, which became a duel between Wright and Kristoph Gavin. I still see Kristoph and his devil-hand in my nightmares sometimes. Ema Skye’s return after Rise From the Ashes (bonus case from AA1) was really fun and cool to see, and I enjoyed the return of the forensic examination techniques. Seeing the Kitaki crime family after having played through the entire Yakuza franchise was really funny. The reveal that Patriarch Kitaki’s shades were actually just huge eyebrows covering tiny little baby eyes was absolutely hilarious. Wocky Kitaki is a baby version of Akira Nishikiyama if he was a furry and also straight (or maybe Alita’s betrayal is what drove him to loving men?). Trucy’s Mr. Hat magic trick is her best trick and I’m honestly appalled that it never showed up in Dual Destinies. Borginians speaking in wingdings is really funny, and I’d love to hear what that sounds like. Valant Gramarye is very evil but also really funny so I think he should be pardoned. Little Trucy in the flashback is really cute, and I love Klavier’s flashback outfit. Kristoph going super-saiyan in his breakdown is really funny and the animation is perfect. I love how everything new they did with Phoenix Wright was explained by just those seven years since disbarment, rather than adding even more things to his backstory (although I think it would be really funny if in a future Ace Attorney game, they just added a bunch of random details to Wright’s backstory then explained at the end of that game that none of it actually happened and the villain was just messing with their brains with magic) (hit me up Capcom I have ideas). I really loved the credits sequence with all the printed pictures. All in all, I feel like I didn’t love the parts of this game that really mattered, but the little unnecessary details were all perfect. Anyway, I think it’s time to wrap up this rant - it’s gone on for long enough.

The verdict on Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney

Now that I’ve dogged on Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney for 27 paragraphs and over 7,000 words, I feel like it’s time to say that it’s not actually that bad. A rant this long can only come from a place of love, and I absolutely love the Ace Attorney series. I started playing the Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney Trilogy in late 2021, which was a pretty bleak time for me coming out of the pandemic. During the pandemic, video games were the only things that really kept me going, giving me something to look forward to day to day as all the days blended together into one blob. Because of this, the games I played at the time all hold a very special place in my heart: Persona, Halo, Devil May Cry, Yakuza, Ace Attorney, and so many more. Maybe my experiences with the games were altered by the conditions of my life as I played through them, but still, I know just how amazing Ace Attorney can be. That’s exactly why I felt so upset playing through this entry of the series - I know the writers can do so much better. The game wasn’t really that terrible as a video game and as a story, but when it has to live up to the brilliant standards set by the Ace Attorney franchise, it just falls flat on its face. I did really enjoy my time playing through this game and I did really enjoy all of the cases, but I just know that Apollo Justice and Klavier Gavin had the potential to be so much more interesting and to be written so much better. I’m not going to give the game a numerical rating or anything like that because that system has no room for subjectivity, but I would genuinely recommend the game to any Ace Attorney fan who finished the first trilogy (and maybe The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles) and is looking for more - in other words, anyone like me. I may not have loved this game as much as some other games in the series, but I do not regret one second I spent playing that game. If nothing else, it gave me this chance to reflect on myself, my thoughts, and my feelings about the series as a whole. I’ll always be grateful for that, and rest assured my love for the Ace Attorney franchise will not fade anytime soon.

I’d also like to briefly say that, if you read this far into the ramblings of an insane Ace Attorney fan, thank you. I wrote this to get my own thoughts and feelings off my chest, but if anyone else reads through these words and gets literally anything out of them, then this was all the more worthwhile. And if you’re a vehement Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney fan who’s foaming at the mouth with pure rage while hate-reading my rant, please tell me why. I don’t mean this as a joke or a diss, I genuinely believe that the ability to debate and argue about the things you’re passionate about is one of the greatest joys life has to offer. While I’d rather not have any death threats sent my way, I would still greatly appreciate the chance to keep talking and thinking and debating about this messy yet beautiful game in one of the best series of stories I’ve ever had the joy of experiencing.

And as a thank you for reading this far, I’d like to let you know that I’m a screenshot addict. I cannot stop myself from taking a ridiculous number of screenshots every time I play a game, and it’s killing my hard drive. I still have a lot of really funny shots that I wasn’t able to include as section titles, so without further ado, here are some…

FUNNY SCREENSHOTS!!!!!

[kse22chili]

Eldritch being.

As Jim Morrison says "Nobody remembers your name, when you're strange." it reminds me of the times I felt strange.

Now, let me explain; it wasn't because I was alone or felt lonely, I was gorwing up. I was a rider on a storm; specifically experiencing "youth". But, why did I feel strange? And, was I the only one who felt strange?

No, there was a plethora of children playing, feeling strange and fighting for freedom not knowing what was waiting for them at the end of the day.

Why we felt that way, I'm not certain, but I will clarify. Investigating this case is quite arduous. There's a storm following my every single step. I move to the right, it is there, behind my head, staring into my soul and haunting my mind. I go to the left, it is there, beside my ear, making me deaf to every other noise in the background and my thoughts are silenced.

And, I feel strange. Because, we all are strange. Men are wicked; they abandon you at the weirdest situations of your life, stabbing you in the heart and leaving a dirty smell to the point of your nose, significantly abusing your sensitive parts.

Now, was I really strange? Certainly, yes. Because, like I mentioned before, we are all strange. Rain falls on top of our heads, water engulfs our very being, flooding into our eyes and hardening our eyelashes. But, we still embrace it. We claim that we love it. Aren't we strange?

Bizarre, abnormal. People, in fact never wanted to talk to me; I apparently seemed "unfamiliar" (an elegant way to say to a person who is strange). Even my name comes from a word in Greek "xeno" = strange.

It's interesting how these people who dared to think of me as someone abnormal, were all some ignorant things, useless and with no talents. They were all jealous little worms, that liked to act dominant in front of a person who knew how to value time.

Matter of fact, I valued time. I still do. But, I had a façade; I was an innocent, docile and quite girl who always nodded and never raised her voice. I was hiding the real me. The strange version of me.

I embrace fear. I'm attached to danger; the one that makes you feel light and free. The adrenaline that you feel when you trespass the limits. What limits you might say? Every single thing that even comes to your mind.

I feel it in my bones; the rage and the fear combined together crafting chaos around me. And it all grasps. It all stongly tightens around my neck, making me gasp for air. I prefer being strange. I want to value time to pass my entire life into oblivion. I don't really have to worry about having a boring, office life; I'm addicted to thrill.

So, am I a stranger?

Well, if I were with a gorup of "normal" people then yes I would be a stranger; they are all the smame: dark and lizards. They crave for a bit of dominance and money. Time for them doesn't exist, instead they embrace impulsiveness. Aren't they monsters?

I'm alluding to a realm full of masks that hide in their inside an excess of hate and evil personalities, and try guessing what surrounds these outrageous beings? Other masks, but strange ones.

Voilà! WE ARE ALL STRANGE!

[voraciousvore]

Boarding School for Giants (21/25)

------ Chapter 21 ------

The bell hadn’t rung yet to signal the end of the day, meaning Joey was still in class. I decided to go back to my dorm. My thoughts were a tangled mess, and I needed to work through them. My world, yet again, had been violently turned upside-down and mixed up like a cocktail shaker. I had assumed that I was stranded here at the giant boarding school after my mother abandoned me. The tantalizing opportunity to return to a normal life, with other humans my size, was something I had been pining for ever since I first got here. 

So why was my heart in such turmoil? As I biked through the vast, empty halls of the giant school, I was reminded of how small and insignificant I had felt upon my arrival, like hardly a person at all. Certainly, I was tiny when compared to a giant, I couldn’t deny that. But insignificant? No. Mr. Henderson and Joey treated me with kindness and respect, and attended to my needs to the best of their abilities. The other giant students, such as Stephanie, were beginning to notice me more and recognize me as an individual. Hell, even the giants who hated me like the principal or the student who swallowed me out of spite still attributed some meaning to my presence; otherwise, they would have treated me with indifference, rather than such execrable contempt.

I realized that a lot had changed within me in the short time I had been here. While I still got nervous around giant strangers I didn’t know, for obvious reasons, I wasn’t absolutely terrified of all giants like I had been initially. Like the human doctor had told me, the feeling faded with time. Despite my excessive, egregious suffering, my attitude and behavior had improved significantly overall. I didn’t lash out at everything and everyone around me and misbehave just for the sake of it. External factors were a huge reason for the difference, but internally I was affected as well. In my personal trial by fire, I discarded my weaknesses and discovered strength, bravery, and resilience I didn’t know I had, along with a new blossoming force within me that wanted to be better, to fight for something more than a tormented existence. 

I biked through the doors of the school out into the courtyard, brightly lit by the afternoon sun. The colossal trees were starting to shed their leaves for the fall season, leaving the pavement and grass peppered with vivid hot splashes of red, orange, and yellow in varying shades. The leaves rustled and crunched in a satisfying way under the narrow tires of my bike as I sped along. The languid warmth of the summer breeze was gradually giving way to the crisp autumn air. 

I couldn’t deny that this giant world was beautiful, and had its own appeal to it. I thought about Joey and Mr. Henderson. Joey was so sweet and thoughtful, and I had developed an irresistible crush for him. Mr. Henderson had been by my side since the beginning, and was more of a father figure to me than my absent biological father. Could I really give up the strong ties I had forged to live with humans again? Was it worth it? 

If I went back to the human side of the wall, I’d be put in “the system,” a cold and impersonal machine for processing the unwanted, a ruthless bureaucracy that chewed up people and spat them back out. I would live in an orphanage or be relocated to live with strangers. Maybe they would be nice people, or maybe not: There was no way to know for certain. I would be alone again, and would have to start everything from scratch. My old life was dead to me; nobody loved or missed me over there, or waited eagerly for me to come back. Not even my own mother. I pushed her out of my mind. She didn’t deserve to occupy my thoughts anymore. 

Instead, I tried to picture what a life here would look like, with Mr. Henderson as my father. My father. I could have an affectionate father again, one who would care for me and love me. A comforting glow flowed into my soul, overflowing through my body until even the hole inside me disappeared. The idea was alluring. I could dream of a rosy future. 

A glance at the watch on my wrist snapped me back into cold reality. I was really only parsing through the positives, as if trying to convince myself to accept an idealistic image of what could be. I wanted a father so badly, I was almost willing to set aside the painful truth that I simply didn’t belong here. It was a dream, nothing more.  

I didn’t know if I could survive among giants for any extended period of time. I had already been through hell so many times, had enough close calls with death to leave me traumatized for the rest of my life. I ran through all the terrible events in my head. I had been bullied to tears and devoured alive by one giant student, and had only escaped being digested in his stomach because Mr. Henderson happened to be nearby to get me out. Another giant student had snatched me up when I was alone in a foiled attempt to gratify his own sexual urges—a student who was currently present on campus, by the way, and still posed a threat. The giant principal had harmed me badly enough to send me to the hospital, and I had been helpless to stop him. Even when malicious intent wasn’t involved, a simple accident had the potential to kill me, such as in the diner when I had almost been eaten a second time by another giant.  

I constantly needed to be on high alert, in case there was a predator lurking in the shadows. Any giant could easily kidnap me, torture me, eat me, kill me. Could I really endure the pain and chronic fear? Not likely. Was it worth being loved if living with giants might kill me? Probably not. My soul withered and died within me with recognition of the reality I lived in. I had to prioritize my safety first. As usual, I didn’t really have much of a choice. In that sense, the illusion of choice was a deception, a falsehood. 

I pulled up to the human dorm and shelved my bike in the rack. At least with the roof locked I felt safe here. I went inside, continuing to mull over my options, or lack thereof. Why was life so cruel? The twisted irony of my situation was not lost on me. I had been desperate to return to the human world, and now that I had the chance, I didn’t want to go. What the hell was wrong with me?  

To distract myself, I flopped down on my bed and worked on some homework. I had almost forgotten about the English assignment the teacher had given the class the day I went to the hospital. I figured this would be a good chance to try out my new computer. I set up the laptop and wrote the essay, pretending as if the homework mattered. As if anything I had done here mattered. I had barely attended my classes since enrolling at the giant school. I had yet to go to my third period class, but I guess it wasn’t important anyways. Regardless, for whatever reason, I did the assignment, and emailed it to my teacher with a brief apology for tardiness. 

Once I was done with all my homework, I played on my new computer and explored some of its features. I thought to myself, with a twinge of pain, how kind Mr. Henderson was to provide me with the tools necessary for me to succeed in school. It would be hard to leave, I realized, to simply give up on all the things I had strived for. The advance of thunderous footfalls jerked me out of my thoughts. As I got up out of bed, there was a knock on the door. 

“Eren?” Joey’s voice called out to me. “You in there?” 

“Coming!” I yelled back, hopefully loud enough for him to hear me. I felt a stab of remorse, knowing I would have to say goodbye to Joey if I decided to leave. I would break his heart, and shatter mine in the process. A pit of dread settled in my stomach, but I forced a smile and opened the door. He was crouching down outside, looming over the building with one hand casually resting on the roof, and beamed when he saw me. 

“Hi Eren! Everything good?” he asked, with a mild hint of concern. “If you don’t mind me asking, what did Mr. Henderson want?” 

“Oh… not much. I got my bike back. He also gave me a laptop so I can do my schoolwork on my own. You won’t have to help me type up my homework anymore,” I informed him. I decided not to mention the more pertinent discussion of my future. I hadn’t made a decision yet, so telling Joey would be premature. 

“Nice!” Joey said. “You deserve it!” He grinned in a way that made my heart dissolve in my chest. “So, are you free tonight? There’s a new movie out that sounds neat. It’s about a superhero that can turn into a bug, or something like that. You wanna go with me?” 

Of course I was free. “Sure,” I replied. “Let me change out of my school uniform, and I’ll be right out.” I closed the door and quickly changed. As my body mechanically went through the motions, I collected together my confused thoughts. Should I tell Joey? Perhaps he could help me work through my line of reasoning, and give me some good advice, much-needed fresh perspective. On the other hand, we had become emotionally invested in each other; he wouldn’t be an objective voice in the matter. I was conflicted, but I had time. I would hold off for now and enjoy our time together, because we might not be able to see each other for much longer.  

My chest tightened. If I went back to human society, I didn’t know where I would be sent. I might be placed in a home far away from the wall, never able to visit Joey. The faceless adults who would hold power over me may prevent me from ever coming back. Humans feared giants and viewed them as dangerous—a fact I knew better than anyone. No responsible guardian would let their ward gallivant about on the giant side of town unsupervised. I realized then that moving to the human side of the wall would be a permanent break. There would be no going back. 

With that realization weighing my heart down like a metal ball and chain, I stepped back outside and smiled up at Joey. He smiled back, and I suddenly felt light, like I could float away. Goodness, he was handsome. The late afternoon sun painted his face and body on one side in a warm glow that made him look like he was shining, almost angelic. He opened his hand to me and I climbed inside it, settling down in the curved center. 

He lifted me up high into the sky, elevating me far above the earth. The air so far up felt cooler, cleaner, crisper, as it danced on my face and ran through my hair. He surrounded me with his body, his warmth, larger than life. I leaned back into the fabric of his shirt, against the wall of flesh behind it, and exhaled with contentment. He began to walk with those enormous long legs of his, and I rocked soothingly with the rhythm of his great strides. When I was with Joey, everything felt right. All my problems and hardships seemed to dissolve away, drip off his hand into the infinite expanse below, never to be seen again. How could I possibly bring myself to give this up? 

The hard boundary delineating my options had crystallized in my mind into not only practical choices, but abstract concepts, with real consequences. If I stayed with the giants, I would be choosing love, both romantic and familial. I would be choosing danger and risk and adventure. An exciting and fulfilling life, but also one fraught with hazard and terror, perhaps unnaturally short, violent, and brutal. I may flourish, or I may fall. If I decided to go back with the humans, I would be choosing safety and security. I would be choosing loneliness, emptiness, conformity, mediocrity. My body would certainly live, but my spirit would flounder. 

In both choices was an element of the unknown. I could not see through the fog that obscured the future. I was lost in the murky gloom, and didn’t know the way. I didn’t know what option was right or wrong. One choice might kill my physically, but the other choice might rob me of any chance of happiness or love. I just didn’t know. 

Next chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/voraciousvore/731608904363048960/boarding-school-for-giants-2225?source=share

1st chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/voraciousvore/731600430392639488/boarding-school-for-giants-125?source=share

[thelastspeecher]

Having a really terrible time rn so I'm here to distract myself with thinking about your stormchaser au because my job training today had us do 3 separate "severe weather" information and response trainings.

Anyways I've been thinking a lot about the implications and consequences of a head injury severe enough to give amnesia and I think this was a plot point and not supposed to be like something backed up by giving Ford medically accurate symptoms and disabilities but that's what happens when you're a disabled gravity falls fan in the medical field.

So a severe traumatic brain injury on that level is gonna have some things that are what you'd expect (vision changes, delayed reactions and confusion, issues with decision making and starting tasks and all that fun executive function stuff long term as well...) but also a common symptom, especially if there's damage to the right hemisphere in general, is impulsiveness as well as personality and mood changes just being a thing.

And I imagine for a while after he wakes up and is treated and even after he's released from the hospital and staying with Jack that's really tough - because I imagine at checkups they're gonna ask repeatedly if there's been any significant changes to his mood, functioning, abilities, and "Bill" and Jack have no clue at all. They have no idea who he was and if it's different.

So when Stan and Ford reunite I imagine it's a relief in you can tell me who I was kind of way but also hard bc Stan definitely sees that Ford's changed. Significantly. But is it because of time? Is it because of new influences? Is it because he didn't know who he was so he became someone different? Or is it a fucking symptom?

I got ahead of myself this ask was supposed to be about imagine "Bill" and Jack going to the grocery store soon after Bill gets out of the hospital and is convinced yes he actually should stay with Jack for the time being and they have a grocery list but Ford/Bill is putting pretty much everything in the cart because he's having a really hard time with impulse control and 20 bananas is not excessive we could need them what if I wake up feeling like eating 20 bananas and Jacks like. This man's a mess. Compels me though

Aaaaaaaaaa Anon I loved getting this monster beast of an ask, esp because I myself have also been Going Through It this week.

What you were saying about the personality change and the doctors asking if "Bill's" personality changed after the accident and neither Jack nor "Bill" knowing how to answer it, that's something that I've actually addressed in a different AU. Because I am a hoarder of AUs and I have one where STAN lost his memory in an accident and that's something that was brought up in stuff I wrote for it because I am a Scientist and I do my Research.

Anyways

Idk if I've addressed the personality change thing much in Storm Chasers AU (which, btw very glad that my little AU is on your mind, it makes me happy people are thinking about and enjoying my stuff), but I have set that up! At least in my head. The biggest thing: "Bill" is remarkably chill. Like, he's just an easygoing kinda go with the flow type of guy for the most part. He's very sweet and gentle and just sort of accepts things and takes life slowly. The taking life slowly is partially due to, as you pointed out, some function being lost from the traumatic brain injury, but it's also partially due to said TBI causing a personality change.

Some aspects of the Original Ford do pop up every now and then. He still gets all Researcher Excited about things, particularly the weird and magical things of Gravity Falls. But he has a different perspective than canon Ford. He treats the magical creatures with more respect and viewing them almost as peers. Once he's calmed down from his initial reaction of "omg omg OMG!" Even with his respect for them, many of the magical creatures don't really like Ford, just bc he goes overboard excited with them so much.

Another thing that sticks around, sorta burned into Ford's DNA at this point, is his, ah, "difficult" relationship with his father. When "Bill" and Jack adopt their first son (the Shapeshifter, whom they name Forrest), "Bill" is constantly fretting about whether he'll be a good father or not. He's paranoid and scared and confused and Jack has never seen this side of him. Jack eventually gets "Bill" to calm down by promising that he'll help keep "Bill" in line and let him know if he does anything wrong. And then he says that he won't need to step in at all bc he knows his partner.

(And then a few times Filbrick's parenting shows up and Jack does need to step in.)

Uhhhhhh I got sidetracked just like you lol.

I agree "Bill" has some impulse control issues. Arguably, canon Ford has those already (as does Stan, in some ways, worse than Ford), and those just get dialed up to eleven for "Bill". "Bill" constantly trying to throw things into the shopping cart is just a sign of what is to come. Luckily, Jack has the patient of a saint. Jack also finds "Bill" incredibly attractive, which definitely helps with his tolerance for the odd behaviors lol.

[spacevulpix]

this got so much longer than i originally intended so i'm putting a cut here

the way that being emotionally abused will make you doubt that people are being genuine towards you when they're nice is insane. i helped out my family at my grandma's house today getting it cleaned up to go up for sale and two of my aunts went out of their way to thank me for coming and one even pointed out that i was the only grandkid (and considering grandma had 7 kids there are a lot of us) who came to help. i have this unconscious voice in the back of my mind that still sometimes forces me to view the world and my place in it through my abuser's lens - that i am a burden to others and if they're being nice to me it's only because they pity me for being such a horrible embarrassment of a person who creates problems for them all just by existing.

but the thing is they were right - i was the only grandkid who came to help. one of my aunts lives 15 minutes from grandma's house and her son who's my age chose to stay home while his parents came to help. several of my other cousins live a short train ride away in the city. i've been the only grandkid involved in the whole process, i was there when we picked the options for the service, i was there when we hashed out the next moves for settling the estate, i took the initiative to come to the house on my own one day to look through and pick out what mementos i wanted to keep, i helped the day we moved all the excess furniture onto the curb. i was the only one.

when my eldest aunt rested her hand on my shoulders to let me know she was coming through the doorway behind me and let it rest there until she'd asked and gotten an answer to her question, it was like i could feel the love flowing from her hand into me. i'm very selective about who's allowed to touch me and her touch made me feel all melty the same way it feels when someone runs their fingers through my hair. another aunt asked about my new job, and the status of my student loan payments. the last opened up a bit about how my cousin could be struggling with his mental health, or perhaps he's just okay with not showering all that often.

i've spent so much time recently on drama subreddits an r/amitheasshole and keep exposing myself to a harmful confirmation bias that intimate relationships, familial or otherwise, are significantly fraught with one-sided harmful or entitled behavior and reaffirming the fear in my mind that i won't be able to accomplish the happy family i want for myself in the future because there will always be some major flaw so great in magnitude that the only way to overcome it is to cut that part of your life out completely. that i will inevitably end up with a selfish partner who doesn't truly understand me and puts more importance on my bending for their comfort than their's for mine. that if i do have kids, the mental health genes running on my mother's side will result in a child who treats me (or their sibling if i ever get over the fear of having more than one as though my being born was what caused my sibling to abuse me) the same way my sibling did.

i got past this all once before, when i first left home and went to college. it's poetic in a certain sense that this time i'm doing the work to get past it again at home. i sort of operated on the assumption that if i was ever open about the fact that i'm no contact with my sibling, my extended family would pick them over me and i'd have to be cut out of the entire family. that everything my abuser said about me is true, i'm overemotional, too dramatic, think everything revolves around me, and to cope with that i minimized myself over and over to try and fly below the radar, but it was never enough. even when i didn't interact with them at all they accused me of thinking i was better than them.

and then here were my aunts, with nothing to gain from showering me with compliments, no pressure on them to maintain someone else's worldview, praising me anyway. just for packing up the kitchen and keeping my uncle busy (he's been kind of a pain, understandable since he lived with grandma for 10 years before she passed and now he suddenly has to move out) so they could all focus on cleaning whatever areas of the house had already been emptied.

basically what i'm trying to take away from this, seeing as i've had a lot of negativity dumped on me in the past year due to the cesspool of a job i left plus my own brain fighting against being happy, is that it should be as easy to take the positive comments, even easier than taking the negative. that people aren't only genuine when they're being mean to me.

[blaiddydbrokeit]

Aaaanyway on a more serious note,

THINGS I LEARNED THAT HELPED ME KICK MY DISORDERED EATING IN THE ASS: BMI EDITION

-BMI thresholds are arbitrarily harsh. There is some wiggle room both ways for what is too little and what is excess for almost everyone. How much wiggle room one has is unique to them, and affected by genetics. Very few people perfectly fit in the metric.

-BMI is used for gauging the height-to-weight ratio trends of a whole population, not individuals. (See above for why)

-Obesity is real, but that it should be characterized by significant excess of adiposity that can be traced to reduced quality of health and life rather than strictly by the number on the scale.

-On the flip side, signs of significant or prolonged undernourishment (looking at you, hair loss, "keto breath" and "can't lay down on bed because it bruises me") means you need more, BMI be damned even if you're at a supposedly "healthy" BMI.

-BMI is a horrible way to diagnose EDs because EDs are disorders of mental health, not disorders of weight. Weight can be a presentation factor, but the key is the disordered mentality. If your psychiatrist ever simply tells you "you're too heavy to have an ED" when you try to raise concerns without assessing anything else and it makes you spiral wanting to starve yourself harder and worsens your relationship with food, change psychs because that's malpractice.

-BMI is built on a small range of population diversity (read: White European Men Of Relatively Specific Builds) and then rounded down into nice numbers and then using that to retrofit for other ethnicities by "relative risk" and then rounding it to a nice whole number again. If you've ever been taught not to do double rounding in school, you'll know why this doesn't work - it's going to skew your accuracy, and BMI was, again, used to gauge trend. Trend is relative, but tying it to hard numbers and calling it an accurate image of the reality is just wrong.

-If your quality of life improves with a bit of extra weight (within reason) or if you need that bit of extra for your health (e.g. you're chronically ill and it is a good buffer for when you have flare ups and can't eat, and helps you bounce back after) you do it. The computer will always spit out the math and sort you into bins based on hard thresholds and it might flag someone whose BMI is 0.1 too high for "normal" range who is in reality thriving and tell them to lose weight, and it might ignore someone who is still 0.1 in the normal range who might have been experiencing abnormally rapid weight gain that they need investigations for. Or say, it could flag someone who is 0.1 into the underweight threshold who could be perfectly healthy, and doctors would try to tell them to gain weight.

-Also, weight fluctuations day to day mean that chances are if you are near one of the thresholds, you could swing between each side of it within hours of the same day. Not great for an obsessive mind.

-Asian BMI charts are also kind of skewed in the way that its lower thresholds also influence the East/Southeast Asian beauty ideal. Remember those Japanese weight loss ads where the after images were all labelled around ~35kg (77lbs)? Yeah. Or the trend of Chinese women wearing child-sized shirts as crop tops to show off how slim they are? Or the A4 paper waist trend? All bullshit. Nothing beautiful about being so obsessively thin and fragile you can't even be anything but a display porcelain doll without breaking.

Of course, all these points are being said because I used to obsess so hard about the actual number on the scale and the BMI chart and like. That didn't help anyone. Lately I've been doing significantly better (appetite's on a roll, I feel great, and honestly finally really learning to love my body rather than abuse it into thinness through undernutrition) and I figured these were the things I reflected on along the way.

[kidflashimpulse]

the recent Dark Crisis issues have got Bart SO wrong in one specific way imo. Bart wants credit from his friends and family, but he doesn't really give two shits what anyone else thinks of him. the idea that all he's ever wanted is to be noticed? to have FANS? to be next in line as the Flash? that's literally his 00s era discount Wally West characterization all over again. Bart being changed from canonically HATING excessive attention to actively craving it? that was NEVER earned

THIS ☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️ THIS x 1000000000 omg u nailed exactly WHY as a bart fan his YJ DC characterisation infuriates me so much !!!

“that's literally his 00s era discount Wally West characterization all over again” like i felt this in my bones LOL

it’s the type of bad writing that is among the biggest bart crimes out there no joke like, no disrespect to Wally the guy has his own thing going on and it works for him but the whole thing that i’ve always found important to bart is that whilst they share similarities he is largely different from the three generations of Flash’s before him, like significantly and has his own thing going on with his own path and these differences are his strengths and what give him his own set of personal values and priorities (like what u mentioned with how he feels about getting attention) Sure, within his family he always had the pressure of following in all the other flash’s footsteps but that’s never stopped him to do his own thing.

The moment ppl treat him like wally jr (which is so crazy how recurring it has been in recent works, like WFA?? YJDC??) the series becomes garbage to me 😂 doesn’t mean there arnt parts of it i don’t enjoy like stuff regarding other characters or plot, but in terms of how it fares as a bart story i drop it like a hot potato lol and that also roughly summarises how my experience with his titans run is and a lot of his 00s issues onwards which is a shame and with how big social media is with fans, it’s ridiculous how it’s still happening today, like come on…

There are three generations of white guys before him, all great guys in their own way, all very similar especially in their values as heroes, it’s almost appallingly ridiculous to then treat him like another copy and paste when it’s a fact for literally any family out there that with each generation more differences arise that reflect the social consciousness, writing bart with the same values of guys who are essentially his grandparents/parents/uncles is absurd. It would make sense if they were a consistent role in his life since birth but they weren’t/aren’t, he also has a drastically different background to them too which just compounds to how dumb it is to write him as wally 2.0.

anyway, moment of self promo i kinda very superficially/roughly explore this whole thing of generational legacies in an upcoming chapter (it’s still in the drafts stage btw but it’s WIP which is smn lol) of my latest fic AAIT/it’s a lowkey underlying theme in it already. I knw ppl in DC social media have their mixed feelings regarding YJA but as a bart fan it’s a refreshing piece of media in how they treat him especially with how he ties in to the bigger picture of things, so I enjoy it and think about it a lot.

Also why despite peoples common grievances with Bendis’ YJ, i also enjoyed it a lot. Sure I get some of the criticism where they say it regressed some characters in a way, but I always felt like it was a very much needed soft reset of things that lent room to a lot of potential for all these characters to develop and grow in a fresh new way. The expansive cast of characters was also a good direction of comics YJ too that i think was needed. So YJ 19, I see u !!! lol and YJDC ur just the worst thing ever lol sorry !!

[ryttu3k]

End of the year book asks! Which I'm just... going to fill out. Original post here.

1. How many books did you read this year?

As of posting this on December 15th, it's 36, with a note that I am including zines over 100 pages. Will update at the end of the year! Edit: 38!

2. Did you reread anything? What?

Reread Gideon and Harrow the Ninth in preparation for Nona's release!

3. What were your top five books of the year?

Okay. I am going to categorise.

Favourite novel: Tamsyn Muir - Nona the Ninth

Favourite novella: Becky Chambers - A Prayer for the Crown-Shy

Favourite series: Seanan McGuire - Wayward Children

Favourite anthology: Xenocultivars - Stories of Queer Growth

Favourite zine: Archive of the Odd (available here, only read issue 1 so far but I have issue 2 purchased and ready to go!)

Favourite unexpected addition to my reading list: Bram Stoker - Dracula

Other favourites of note: Travis Baldree - Legends & Lattes, RoAnna Sylver - Stake Sauce 2 and Life Within Parole vol 2, Freydis Moon - Exodus 20:3

4. Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

Read the Wayward Children series, would be quite happy to look into more of Seanan McGuire's writing!

5. What genre did you read the most of?

I am sitting comfortably in my SFF hole, thank you.

6. Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

*laughs in excessively long TBR*

7. What was your average Goodreads Storygraph rating? Does it seem accurate?

4.32, which seems pretty solid!

8. Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones?

I did, averaging three new reads a month!

9. Did you get into any new genres?

Is 'gothic horror that is actually all about The Power Of Friendship' a genre?

10. What was your favorite new release of the year?

Nona the Ninth Nona the Ninth I cannot reiterate how much I goddamn adore Nona the Ninth. Sob.

11. What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

Dracula has been out for. A while lmao

12. Any books that disappointed you? 13. What were your least favorite books of the year?

Mm. I don't like naming names because I can totally see people enjoying it, but there was one novel in particular that I felt didn't quite stick the landing. I gave it a 6/10 rating.

14. What books do you want to finish before the year is over?

I'd like to get in Where The Drowned Girls Go (the last Wayward Children book currently out, the next one is due in January!), which will be easy enough because it's a novella, and probably one other. Edit, 16th December: Done!

15. Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year? What did you think of them?

I got into the Wayward Children series, most of those either won or were nominated for the Best Novella nebulas, and which won this year's Best Series. This Is How You Lose The Time War won that category for the Hugos, Nebulas, and Locus in 2020; Binti: Home and Night Masquerade were also nominated for Hugos.

Also I feel Dracula's probably won a few awards. Probably.

16. What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

Oh, hm! I don't know, most felt like a suitable level of hype.

17. Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

Dracula. Dracula. I expected to read it as like, a pivotal vampire/horror novel that I felt lowkey obligated to get through but I fucking loved it. At least part of that was the Dracula Daily experience but damn, I really liked that book.

18. How many books did you buy?

.......significantly more than I actually read. Awkward laughter at my Kobo account.

19. Did you use your library?

I did!

20. What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

Nona the Ninth, and it absolutely did. I knew I would be goddamn deceased after it and I very much!! was!!

21. Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama?

No drama here!

22. What's the longest book you read?

The Harrow reread is the only one that tops 500 pages, although both the Gideon reread and Nona are in the 400s.

23. What's the fastest time it took you to read a book?

I mean I can knock out a novella in an hour?

24. Did you DNF anything? Why?

Nope!

25. What reading goals do you have for next year?

Read more novels. I read a lot of novellas and anthologies this year!

[hottakehoulihan]

I saw your post about vegans not eating eggs/omelettes and being supportive of vegetarianism, and I don't mean to send this ask in any sort of judging or unkind way, because I understand that a lot of people don't really get why vegans choose to be vegan rather than vegetarian, so I only mean this to explain why.

This is the definition of veganism from The Vegan Society :

"Veganism is a philosophy and way of living which seeks to exclude—as far as is possible and practicable—all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose; and by extension, promotes the development and use of animal-free alternatives for the benefit of animals, humans and the environment. In dietary terms it denotes the practice of dispensing with all products derived wholly or partly from animals." 

So, while collecting eggs doesn't directly harm chickens in the immediate sense, the larger context of egg production involves significant harm to them. The industry practices culling of male chicks when they are only a day old since they don't lay eggs, and the intense selective breeding for high productivity leads to health issues for the hens, such as osteoporosis from calcium deficiency due to excessive egg-laying which causes many hens to have broken bones. Also, the vast majority of egg-laying hens live in cramped and squalid conditions, be it in battery cages or even in "enriched" cages (and "enriched" cages actually lead to more hens to have keel bone injuries), which greatly diminishes their quality of life. And while "free-range" eggs often sound like a more ethical choice, it's important to consider the specifics of these conditions. In practice, despite the label, many hens may only spend a minimal amount of time outside, with the majority of their life spent inside facilities. The outdoor areas, although accessible, may not significantly enhance their quality of life due to limited space and time allowed outside. Once the chickens are no longer producing as many eggs they then end up being killed, typically at only about a year and a half old, because they are no longer as profitable, when chickens can live to be nearer ten years old when they are actually treated well and not being used for egg production. Chickens are sentient individuals who are capable of bonding with others and experiencing joy, while also able to feel pain and suffer. The ways in which they are treated for egg production doesn't show consideration for their happiness, well-being, or for their lives, and supporting egg production contributes indirectly to these issues which affects the well-being of chickens significantly. I hope this helps to explain why vegans avoid contributing to the use of chickens for eggs, and the importance of thinking about the sources of our food and exploring alternate choices that are more sustainable and compassionate.

I love you, and I love all ethical vegans. I cannot vegan and I am sad about it, but I do understand, and my "Those who walk away from Omelets" is meant to be high praise (and a silly pun), for I also do not know if I could walk away from Omelas. I own a smartphone. I have worked for amoral employers. I am complicit in so much evil, and I know it, even after the "tomato" excuse from The Good Place. Some of the chocolate I eat is not provably slavery free. I try, when I can. I specify "ethical vegans" because I've met people who avoid animal protein but not because they care about the environment, animals, or even other humans, and instead it's because they happen to have selected "no animal protein" instead of some other cult diet like "homeopathy" on their magic eight ball roulette wheel of "what will make me be magically healthy/strong" lists. Usually these people are creepy right-wing types, and I live in the US Bible Belt and I am a bit scarred and unpleasant about them. I'm still learning Tumblr in a few different ways; I hope this reply works the way I intend. Anyway, thanks for explaining. I think there are nearly no forms of life that aren't more sentient and more *sapient* than we give them credit for, and I'm sure that if humanity progresses and develops and improves, we'll look back on the behavior of our best people from today with some horror. Gotta stay alive to get there, though. I'll use as little gasoline, plastic, and incompletely-consensual-exploitation-of-other-animals to get there as I can manage. And I appreciate you for doing the same. Cheers. <3

[sophiamenet]

Fandom Experience

For the first time ever I went to a K-pop concert last night and saw my favorite K-pop group, ATEEZ. I’ve seen my favorite band in concert two times before and both were incredible but I don’t think I’d classify it as a fandom experience. Last night was very different, and my closest in person experience/interaction with fandom and fandom culture. K-pop fans are indeed a different breed. Some of them are definitely odd from my perspective, and many of them I doubt I would actually encounter and be friends with, however we all enjoyed the music and equally lost our minds during the four hour performance. It’s interesting feeling, that sense of community and connection with thousands of people - most of who are only identifiable to me by their multi-colored light-sticks and screams. I felt a little ridiculous at times, which I honestly often do as a fan of K-pop. I something come to the realization that I have spent an ungodly amount of my time and money on this likely short-lived love I have for this K-pop group. I have time and time again knowingly fallen victim to k-pop culture as an economy rather than simply a source of enjoyment outside of material goods. Sometimes I regret this and my purchases, but for the most part I lack shame in my interests. 

As an individual and part of a k-pop ‘fandom’ I have been significantly influenced and changed. Through my enjoyment of something that many view as silly and odd, I have found a happiness and lightness that I previously was missing in my everyday life. I felt that with k-pop and the ability to be a part of a collective fanbase, to come together and support these artists, I recovered some sense of girlhood and immaturity (for lack of a better word) that I had missed out in during my actual childhood. Last night, at the pinnacle of the k-pop fan experience and surrounded by so many people that shared my same sentiments, I felt a belonging in the crowd that I had not really expected. I easily connected with others there, and no one thought anything of how loud and obnoxious my screams. 

Still, there are strong divisions even among people of the same fandom, and I found myself distanced from many of the people there as I listened to conversation between songs, or who they screamed the loudest for. Many fans there were also far more dedicated that I, with full merch, sparkling makeup, and light-sticks. Lots of people paid hundreds more than I, some even thousands to be right up close to the stage. I admittedly was envious of these fans, who have such devotion to find reason to spend enormous amounts of money on that sort of thing. I wanted to be close to the stage too, to see them performing at arms length and confirm that they were in fact real and in front of me. I have never been so dedicated, so passionate about something. Even as a part of a ‘fandom’ I feel uncomfortable using the word or identifying myself as a fan, and at the concert -surrounded by thousands of other fans - I felt some embarrassment declaring myself a part of their fandom, one of them rather than someone on the outskirts. 

As a more casual fan I find myself enjoying being a part of the fandom from the outside and individually. I prefer keeping to myself, but for the first time I really experienced enunciative fan culture and participation - actually entering the community of fans to which I suppose I belong. I really did feel at ease, and I’m not sure I’ll ever experience a concert like that again - especially not with how insane ticket prices are getting. Sometimes I think that I’d like to be a really big, super fan, just for the experience of it. But for me, I don’t really excessively involve myself in fandom. I prefer fleeting interests - ones that require much less energy and money - and hobbies that I can personally dedicate myself to. I feel more connected to individual activity and interests rather than fandom, in which I ultimately feel ridiculous and insignificant.

(me and a random girl I met at the concert! I went by myself and I really really did enjoy it!)

[casspurrjoybell-22]

Dream Eater - Chapter 13 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

When Damien informs Allannan that Oran and the Vanguard were behind the assassination attempts, she banishes them from Carnâk.

With their removal, life in the city of Ereb resumes its peaceful pace.

We're given a large villa with room for all of us to live and for Dante to have a studio.

Dante is delighted with the colors and quality of paint available and wastes no time setting up shop.

Damien begins work designing a gallery to house their work and I spend a lot of time holding poses while Dante paints.

It's not home but it's not bad, either.

Even so, within a week I'm feeling homesick.

I miss our apartment and the familiar streets I know.

I miss my favorite coffee shop and my favorite bookstore and all the smells, sights, sounds and flavors of Earth... even the unpleasant ones.

Dante sympathizes.

"When Constantinople fell, I thought I'd never find another place that felt like home. But I did. It always hurts at first and it takes a while,but eventually home becomes someplace new. You'll see."

About a week after that, Azael makes it known that he's aware of our location by issuing a threat to Allannan and Deberon demanding that they hand us over or face invasion.

They refuse and to our relief, they have the support of enough other realms and powers that they're able to call Azael's bluff with confidence.

Soon enough, it begins to seem like Dante is right.

When I think the word 'home' I see our villa, with its whitewashed stone walls, tiled roof and reflecting pools.

After only a month, Dante's star is on a meteoric rise and no one is surprised when Deberon proposes a showing of their work at the next State ball.

It's the sort of thing attended by all kinds of important people and it sounds terribly boring.

As the primary subject of much of their work, Dante insists I attend.

Because I love them, I agree.

Damien, on the other hand, gets out of it.

As the artist's patron, the officials view it as a conflict of interest for him to attend an event that could so significantly elevate the worth of Dante's work.

"I'll make it up to you later," he promises, kissing me while he adjusts the uncomfortably loose clothes I'm being forced to wear.

"Can't you come in disguise or something?" I ask.

He shakes his head.

"I'd give myself away. You know I can't keep my hands off you."

He demonstrates.

"Fine, fine," I say, escaping with a laugh.

I'm still disappointed he refused, later I'd be only too happy that he did.

Dante looks stunning.

They're wearing elegantly tailored pants with a flowing blouse, a jacket and slim high-heeled shoes.

The effect shows off both their height and strength and their soft sensuality.

I wonder absently why they get to wear something so normal while I'm stuck looking like an overdressed belly dancer.

At least Dante's debut is a success, I think, as they bask in excesses of praise.

Some of it comes my way but mostly I'm subjected to endless looks of comparison between myself and the likeness in the paintings.

I get the feeling most people think the real thing doesn't quite live up. 

I can't blame them.

Dante's brush has turned me into something more than I am... an Angel or a God.

Not that I mind.

In fact, with the salacious looks I see on many of the women and not a few of the men, I'm glad the attention is directed at the art and not at me.

Finally, the evening is almost over and Dante is invited up to a stage-like area at one end of the room to receive an award for 'Contributing to the Artistic Spirit of Ereb' or some shit.

I get dragged along.

"And now," Deberon says, addressing the gathered crowd.

"It is my honor to present this award to the newest addition to our artistic community. The talented and gracious..." his words are cut off by the resounding boom of the doors being thrown open with such force that they bounce against the walls.

There are mingled gasps and screams as a retinue of tall and ferocious-looking people sweep in.

They march in a double line, clearing a path straight to the stage.

When the first two reach its edge, they stop. 

The entire double line of soldiers turns and faces one another before taking three steps back, clearing a path between them.

At the far end, I see an enormous figure, easily seven feet tall.

He wears shining armor like something out of one of those 'Lord of the Rings' films and a long purple and gold cloak.

At his waist, he wears a great long-handled sword.

Somehow, I don't have to ask who he is.

"Azael," Allannan gasps.

"How in Carnâk did he get past our defenses? Guards."

"Wait," Deberon interrupts, staying their advance.

"It's too late for that."

Allannan turns towards him with a look of shock and realization.

"You..." she gasps.

"What have you done?"

"Yes, Deberon, tell us. What have you done?" Azael says as he draws near.

His voice is a sonorous baritone, mellifluous and dark and it sends shivers of horror up my spine as I remember it from Damien's dreams.

"I...I had to," he stammers, holding his hands towards Allannan in a pleading gesture.

"There was no choice. I did it for Carnâk... for our people."

Allannan's expression changes from surprise to disgust.

"Our people? Our people are not cowards, Deberon. Our people would not wish the enemy to set foot on our soil. They would not agree to deal with devils or to willingly betray our friends to their death. Our people... my people... are better than that."

Deneron's expression hardens.

"Don't be naive. Do you really think the strength of our allies is enough to protect us? Which among them do you think would really come to our aid? But you were naive before too. To think you believed that not joining the fight was enough to keep it from spilling into our homes."

A sudden truth strikes me hard enough that I almost stagger under the blow.

"It was you," I say.

"You betrayed Sakariel all those years ago. You knew where the dead zones were on Earth because Damien told you about them. He... they... trusted you and..."

For a moment I don't understand why I feel so personally betrayed but then I realize that it's because I've just been personally betrayed.

"You sold us out."

"Yes," Azael confirms.

"Deberon is wise. He knows when the price of resistance is higher than the price of honor. But what of yourself, Lady Allannan? Are you so wise? Will you give me what I want or must I educate you to certain truths?"

He nods towards his soldiers and as one, the double line of men draw long, saber-like blades.

Then turn about in unison to face the divided crowd.

"Guards," Allannan commands with a voice like steel.

"At the ready."

I look down at the crowd.

I don't know any of them, don't really care about any of them but I recognize the fear in their faces and I know that even if Allannan's guards had a chance of overcoming Azael's trained soldiers, most if not all of them will die in the fray.

"Wait," I step forward.

"I'm the one you want. I'll go with you. Just... don't hurt anyone."

Azael regards me with cruel blue eyes.

"Come then," he beckons.

Dante catches at my arm but I look back at them and shake my head.

I hope the look I give them is enough to convey that I need them to stay for Damien's sake.

I climb down from the stage and walk towards Azael.

He seems to get larger the closer I approach.

When I'm within arm's reach, he stretches out his massive hand and wraps it around my throat, pulling me towards him.

He turns me so I'm facing away and pulls me against him, squeezing just hard enough that my breath rasps in my windpipe.

"You'll keep your word?" Deberon asks.

"In exchange for the Key, you won't open the Abyss in Carnâk?"

Azael's voice rumbles in his chest at my back.

"No. I will not. I believe that Earth is far more suited to my designs anyway. Your precious Carnâk is safe, for now." 

Orange fire races down his arms and I feel a sick feeling in my heart.

"Wait... take me with you," Deberon cries, crawling from the stage and stumbling towards us.

"I think not," Azael replies.

"But I've been useful to you."

"Indeed. As a spy. But a spy revealed is no use to anyone. In fact, they're better off dead."

In one smooth motion, Azael draws his long blade with one hand, swings it singing through the air and re-sheathes it.

Deberon stands for a moment, a look of surprise on his face.

Then his head slowly slides from his neck in a fountain of blood and falls to the floor.

His body follows.

"Ennon," Azael addresses a soldier who seems to be of a higher rank.

"Return to the gateway. I will see you in Gehenna."

He squeezes a little harder on my throat and I choke.

"Allannan... I know that Dantalian is here. Tell him to seek me out when he wishes to suffer yet another death."

Dante's horrified face is the last thing I see before orange fire burns the world away. 

[akoeyoo]

Mastering the Skill of Letting Go for Personal Growth

A year ago, I made a conscious decision to lighten my burdens. Until then, I clung to a multitude of possessions that served no purpose. Outdated papers, worn-out furniture, excess clothing, and unnecessary devices cluttered both my living and working spaces. Even on the go, my bag was usually burdened with unnecessary items, making it heavier than necessary.

Emotionally, I mirrored this clutter in my life. I held onto past experiences and clung to habits long overdue for dismissal. Despite a persistent belief that preserving these belongings and emotions was the right path, a profound desire to discard and feel lighter persisted within me.  

Has anyone else experienced a similar struggle between holding on and the yearning for liberation?

How Much Do We Really Need to Keep?

In the journey of life, there's an important skill that can significantly boost personal development — the ability to let go. We're talking about releasing things, habits, or situations that might be holding us back. Let's explore this skill and how it can contribute to individual advancement.

The Power of Letting Go:

Imagine carrying a heavy backpack full of things you don't need anymore. That's what it's like when we hold on to stuff that no longer serves us. Learning to let go is like unloading that backpack, making space for new and better things.

Understanding the Need to Release:

Life changes, and so do we. What was good for us in the past might not be helpful now. Letting go is about recognizing what doesn't fit our current selves and having the courage to say goodbye to it. It's a bit like cleaning out your closet – getting rid of what doesn't fit anymore.

Embracing Change as a Friend:

Change can be scary, but it's a natural part of life. Learning to let go is like making friends with change. Instead of resisting it, we learn to flow with it. Think of it as riding the waves of life rather than trying to swim against the current.

The Importance of Endings:

Endings are not just about saying goodbye; they're also about saying hello to something new. Just like finishing a book allows you to start a new one, ending certain parts of our lives opens doors to exciting opportunities. It's like turning the page to a fresh chapter.

Dealing with Emotional Attachments:

We all get attached to things – people, habits, or even places. Learning to let go doesn't mean becoming indifferent; it means understanding when it's time to move forward. It's like realizing that sometimes, holding on too tight can hurt more than letting go.

Taking Time for Self-Reflection:

A big part of letting go is understanding ourselves better. Taking time to think about what really matters to us helps in making choices. It's like having a roadmap – knowing where we want to go makes it easier to decide what we need to leave behind.

Learning from Every Experience:

Every time we let go, there's a lesson to learn. It might be about strength, self-worth, or the importance of making room for growth. Each experience adds to our personal growth, making us wiser and more resilient.

Feeling the Freedom in Letting Go:

Letting go might seem tough, but the freedom it brings is worth it. It's like stepping into a wide-open field after being in a cramped room. Without unnecessary baggage, we become lighter, more adaptable, and open to new adventures.

In conclusion, letting go is not a sign of weakness; it's a sign of strength. It's about creating room for better things in our lives. So, let's master the skill of letting go, understanding that in releasing, we're paving the way for personal growth and a more fulfilling life journey.

Serenade of Surrender

In the garden of the heart, seeds of the past,

Blossoms of memories, destined not to last.

To the winds of time, release their hold,

Letting go, a serenade once told.

Embrace the dance of shadows and light,

Loosen the grip, surrender the fight.

Whispers of freedom, a gentle flow,

In letting go, true melodies do grow.

Like autumn leaves, gracefully descend,

Old chapters close, new harmonies blend.

With open hands and a soul set free,

Surrendering unveils what could be.

                                                      by Ako Eyo Oku

[0nlinejournal]

03/29/2023 11:46pm

Sliced my finger open at work today. The metal lip on one of the espresso heads just wanted a taste I presume. Getting sliced on those heads wasn't something that had happened to me before, and I clean those little metal heads every night. Bastards! The cut is small, but man did I bleed. Sliced the side of my thumb pad and blood pooled and dripped down my hand. Seemed excessive, but alright. I feel like my blood has been different recently. It's super bright red. I've looked up what that could mean before, but I don't recall what the world wide web fed to me at the time. Maybe something about a low white cell count? Ah, probably doesn't matter too much.

I was real tired all day today. I forgot my vitamins this morning and it is absolutely wild how significantly those buggers affect my energy levels for the day. I always talk about how vitamins are the first thing my therapist recommended when I began therapy. She told me B12 and D3 would be a good set to start with. I take them everyday now. They didn't stop the overall depression, but they do help a bit with my general mood and energy. It always feels so silly for something so minute to actually have an affect on your mental health.

I love my dog. She is the sweetest little pea.

11:55pm

I hate that these entries are never consistent or make any damn sense. I don't know what to write about when I sit down to type. I've always been more of a handwritten journal girl, but I like the sound of a keyboard and I like being able to share stuff with strangers who will never know me. I like reading posts from strangers, too. It makes me feel weirdly connected to the world.

Changed my profile picture again. I can never settle on a profile picture. I spent so long on the original one, but I didn't really like it anymore, and it didn't really look like me. I mean, it did, but I have bangs again. I can never grow my bangs out for too long without missing them. They feel like an integral part of my cartoon character look. I didn't have them for months, and when I cut them again and saw one of my long time friends, he didn't even notice. I joked, "I did cut my bangs again thank you!" and he laughed and said, "This is default you. You without bangs is not how I picture you." Fair enough. I have had bangs for the majority of my life. When I was a child, then again around 9th grade and on and off again until now, 26.

What a mundane and unimportant topic, jeez louise. I really don't have any important topics to rant about, though.

I'm going to hang out with a friend tomorrow. I've mentioned her before, but I don't recall what her alias was. But, she's the friend that I've been growing a tad apprehensive about recently. She's been getting upset with me because I have been seeing a mutual friend more than I've been seeing her, and her mind spins it to mean that I don't like her. Which, wasn't at all the case but with the way she's been handling her emotions about it may make that distortion of reality into a self fulfilling prophecy. There's been quite a bit of passive aggressive guilt tripping. She's upset because I'm talking to someone more than her. She doesn't phrase it like that, obviously, and to an extent I can see why her feelings are hurt.

She wants to feel important as a friend, and although I do value her as a friend I am absolutely horrible at keeping up with friends. I am not the friend to make plans and invite people places. I am not the friend to text or call first, or at all (I forget other people exist if I'm left to burrow in my apartment for too long). And if a friend doesn't live close and there isn't a convenient meeting spot then the likelihood of me seeing them is slim. I am a see ya when I see ya kinda gal, and to a fault. I know it. I feel awful about it, but I know that I can't meet the standards that some people want in a friendship. I burn out if I try. I get anxious with text messages and calls, and it ends in me violently avoiding everyone because of the guilt that begins when I feel like I've failed.

My thumb is bleeding again. I grabbed a piece of toilet paper but it's already almost completely covered in blood. Sigh. My keyboard is white.

I've also been questioning if I actually like her. That sounds awful, but I guess it's true. I've known her for a year and a few months now, and I loved her when we were going out all the time and drinking, but since I've slowed down (or completely stopped, rather) I've had more sobering thoughts. If she's not the center of a conversation, she's not interested. She will change the subject. Or do what I've begun calling "a skit". She'll straight up interrupt a conversation, ask for attention and perform some sort of joke, and keep it going just to hold attention, for no other purpose than to hold attention. Before that, though, she'll stare around the room acting as if there's no reason to pay attention to the conversation because she is not involved. A very overt display, mind you, not just casually off in her own world, it is a performance in itself. To add to that, she gets offended if she feels not included. Our mutual friend, her, and I hang out together, and when our mutual friend and I are having a conversation about whatever, she chooses to not join in if she isn't interested and then do one of the previously mentioned actions. Then, on multiple occasions has talked to me outside of a hangout, saying that I talk to our other friend more than her, and it hurts her feelings. And I mean, we straight up just have conversations and she chooses not to be interested or join in on them. I even try to include her, but she'll give short responses and then look away. It is frustrating.

She did finally talk to me directly about how she had been feeling recently in regards to me hanging out with our mutual friend more than her. I see the mutual often since she's dating one of my best friends, and he lives just down the road. She said that I make time for them and not for her. Which, isn't true. I see them often because I'll often pop by after work for 30 minutes to an hour for a chat. I see them often because of convenience. If my friend didn't live there I wouldn't see them as much as I do. I love seeing them as much as I do, but I know that it won't be like this forever. I wish all my friends lived on the same street. Then I could see everyone all the time, and I wouldn't have to remember anything or get anxious about having to text people, or get ready and go places.

Anyway, I explained that to her. I think she understands a bit more now, but she said she wants to feel important to me. I told her that she's not any less important to me just because I see her less. That's not how my mind works. One of my best friends of a decade is someone I only talk to like every six months. But I know that's not how everyone works. I told her that if she needs to put in less effort on her side so she doesn't feel like it's an unbalanced friendship that she can do that, I don't want her to hurt because I'm a dumb friend. We'll see how that all goes.

Unfortunately, something strange came up that has lead me to an unpleasant hypothesis. The boyfriend of our mutual friend, my good friend that I mentioned that lives down the street, told me that she had been asking him to hang out a lot this past week. He told me this after I was relaying our conversation of her being hurt that I make time for him and his gf and not for her. I asked if she had been asking to hang out with just him, or with him and his gf (the mutual friend (also our mutual friend is her best friend)). He said just him. I paused for a moment and told him, "This might sound really cynical, but my mind immediately went to her doing that to take away my ability to hang out with you." Which, sounds crazy. But she's told me stories in the past that make that not impossible to believe. He really didn't even hesitate, "Naaaahhhh, I thought the same thing."

So. I hope that our theory is just paranoia and nothing more, because that would be deeply manipulative and spiteful. It feels strange to think something so outlandish of someone. I don't typically think the worst of people, but with her jealously and stories told in passing, I'm beginning to have to feel like I need to guard my peace a bit.

I'm sure we'll never find out if our theory is correct, but we'll see how things develop.

12:43am

[embraceyourdestiny]

Here it is, my proof and explanation for how the Two Vanitases theory works

i figured out vanitas

vanitas returned to vens heart after ven destroyed him over the x-blade. but like naminé and roxas, because he became his own person he couldn’t return to ven’s heart as “ven’s heart” and instead went into as himself, “vanitas” and became trapped within ven who then got trapped within sora.

the next time we see vanitas is in sora’s dream as a “fractured” version of himself.

he’s all shadowy/distorted because he’s not whole. when vanitas destroyed him his hear, which is already a small piece, likely cracked so he couldn’t project as a full image. the only reason he was able to show up at all is because sora is within his mind, within his heart. vanitas wouldn’t be able to influence sora like roxas and ventus can and in fact wouldn’t be able to appear (as feeling or dictating Sora’s actions) in real life because his heart is so fractured and weak.

the next time we meet vanitas is monstropolis. but we don’t meet vanitas until after we’re almost at the end of the world. he says himself he used the negative energy from the children while in the factory. he was probably able to make his unversed move about before restored because there was already negative energy within the scream factory and monstropolis is the first time (and only time) we see unversed, meaning he was only able to begin his recreation processes there. from that he harnessed even more energy by making his unversed go into children’s rooms (we see this happpen) and then make his unversed go back into him, absorbing the children’s negative energy. (he could’ve even harnessed negativity from sora because in my opinion after all he’s been through the boy is full of negativity, it probably drips off of him, but even canonically he would be experiencing negative emotions while fighting like worrying over boo and the heartless and unversed and dealing with randal.) and on top of that vanitas says himself he got his energy from randal.

so monstropolis vanitas is actual, present vanitas as theorized by other people. he came back after from within sora’s heart because of getting exposed to excessive negativity in that world.

land of departure vanitas, on the other hand, is past vanitas. in fragmentary passage terranort used terra to find out where ventus’ location was. he asked aqua if ven was in the chamber of waking, which the norts knew about because the first organization and with xemnas going to castle oblivion. terranort passed that information onto xehanort and who better to return to the land of departure to do the deed than past vanitas, who has been there? past vanitas was waiting because he had good intel that they would be there, and he was right.

Land of departure vanitas is also significantly stronger than monstropolis vanitas. LoD vanitas teleports (which actually surprises sora), uses magic, even actually fights aqua. Monstropolis vanitas didn’t even swing his keyblade once and got grabbed because he was caught off guard. He was totally bluffing over fighting sora because he was weak. He was just restored and like a silly fool immediately rushed into a battle to flaunt his return instead of giving himself time to recuperate.

Keyblade Graveyard vanitas is also LoD vanitas based on his attitude, and I don’t even think xehanort knew vanitas was in ven’s aka Sora’s heart. he wouldn’t have pulled him from the past if he knew he was around bc thats a waste of time. also it’s interesting that for the first time we see vanitas without darkness in him since it was expelled because he was defeated he has a very different perspective about things than when full of darkness. while he’s vengeful and arrogant with it he’s much more reposed and blank without it. he says “he choose darkness” but he didn’t really have much of a choice honestly. he kinda sounds like he’s convincing himself to me a little bit, though I hear some earnestness, but he definitely sounds truthful when he says he is theyre shadow and they’re brothers who make up a greater whole, meaning he does sora and ven in those ways, that he’s overshadowed by them and he can’t be without both of them.

so with all that, we don’t know where actual, present vanitas is. he is somewhere behind one of those 1500 doors sulley through him in so he could be literally anywhere but vanitas is definitely very much alive and I cannot wait for his reappearance.

[klixxy]

Genshin Fic Recs

so... i ventured into the vast world of Google looking for some good GI fic recs... only to find such a pitiful amount that i was promptly devastated. therefore, the solution is to make my own! :D

keep in mind most of these will be ChiLi or XingYun, and yes, i will try not to include smut unless it was one i really really liked. if anyone wants a separate list for just smut (though that will most likely be shorter) i can try to make one later.`

ft. my bookmark comments :)

CHILI

wrapped up in pure gold by beyondwinter

(chili; accidental marriage; chili/childe-centric; 22k words; ongoing)

"Do you understand its meaning, Childe?" He finally asks. There's a hard glint in his eyes, like he's trying to steel himself for his answer.

"Yeah." Loyalty and devotion, right? Between business partners? "I do. It's traditional, isn't it?"

Zhongli's eyes glow a warm amber in the near darkness, reflecting the soft shine of the lanterns. He studies his face with a strange intensity, as though Childe were a piece of high quality Nocticulous Jade being sold for suspiciously small sum and he's trying to find the blemishes that would explain the price. The weight of his gaze should be uncomfortable, boring into him like he can see into the very depths of his abyss-tainted soul, but Childe finds himself preening under the attention instead.

Childe accidentally proposes to Zhongli. Zhongli accepts.

The World is Water by Millereflets

(chili; smut; hurt/comfort; chili-centric; 7k words; oneshot)

Childe doesn't visit Zhongli until it's almost too late.

(my bookmarks: HOW DO YOU MAKE A SMUT SCENE SO POETIC HOLY SHITTTTT)

Set in Stone by seredemia

(chili; fake dating au; angst; some smut?; chili/chiilde-centric; 55k words; ongoing)

What do you do when you write about a certain six thousand year old consultant so much in your letters that it somehow convinces your entire family you're not only dating each other, but that you're also engaged?

In Childe's case, the answer is plain and simple: he goes along with it, of course. Absolutely nothing can go wrong if he makes a contract with the God of Contracts, vowing that the two of them will pretend to be lovers for the duration of his family's stay in Liyue. Afterwards, they'll return as normal and speak no more of this mess. No feelings or complications involved whatsoever.

Contract accepted. A fool-proof plan set in stone. Right?

Private Ledger of the Eleventh Harbinger by JuHuaTai

(chili; humor; getting together; chili/ekaterina-centric; 5k words; oneshot)

“So guess what I did next?”

Ekaterina contemplated not answering, but Harbinger Tartaglia was just… grinning and waiting. It’s honestly rather creepy the longer time passed.

In the end, she gave a long suffering sigh that seems lost on him, “You bought him the Erhu—“

“I bought him the antique, cor lapis based Erhu,”

-

When she first left her homeland for the unknown nation of Liyue, Ekaterina was ready to be many things: To be a soldier, to fell Tsaritsa’s enemies in her name, to bring glory to Snezhnaya and her leader.

Being a receptionist in a cozy bank wasn’t so bad in comparison, but she absolutely can do without the front row seat to Harbinger Tartaglia’s (expensive) love life.

i know i'm where i'm meant to go by paperclips (pastel_paperclips)

(chili; humor; fluff; chili-centric; 12k words; ongoing)

"Childe," Zhongli says suddenly. "I am enjoying myself greatly." Childe’s face breaks into a grin. "Then-" Zhongli gasps, grabbing his wrist and tugging him over to an unsuspecting peddler with a cart full of rocks. "Is that an intrusive igneous pegmatite formed in the Inazuma regions?" Childe’s grin smooths into a small, adoring smile. He has all the time in the world to figure the other man out.

OR: Finding the Geo Archon is on Childe's to-do list but hanging out with Zhongli is significantly more fun.

CHILIVEN

Crumbling Stone by avtorSola

(chiliven; ANGST; PAIN; mind control; zhongli-centric; 74k words; ongoing)

When Morax unleashes his plan to test the Liyue Qixing and his adepti, he does not take into account the stirring of the Abyss Order in the north and the corruption of Dvalin - for why would he fear an organization that works in such shadows? He is secure in his power, after all, unlike his flighty ex, the absentee archon of Mondstadt who rises only when his people are in danger.

But, somehow, the Abyss Order discovers his plan. Somehow, they capitalize on it. And he, the God of Stone who cannot sicken, is struck down - taken by an order bent on destroying all of humanity as Liyue crumbles around him. For even Archons aren't immune to Durin's blood, and Morax is no exception. But then the question becomes - if even Archons may fall to the agony of this corrupting burn - how is their traveling friend Aether immune?

The answer comes from beyond the stars - an ancient malice that knows no kindness or mercy. A malice whose legacy the Abyss Order now bears, seeking to topple all the Archons and their people into the void of utter destruction. And they have begun in Liyue.

Fortunately, it takes a long time to erode stone.

(my bookmarks: IM SCREAMING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

PLATONIC ZHONGVEN

left-behind city by trixstar

(platonic zhongven; angst; ANGST; venti-centric; 1k words; oneshot)

"An associate of mine has just informed me that Rex Lapis, the Geo Archon has been assassinated."

Venti blinks.

Or: Venti and how he copes with finding out he is all that remains.

i circle ten thousand years long; and i still do not know if i am a falcon, a storm, or an unfinished song by birdsofpassage

(platonic zhongven; angst; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 4k words; oneshot)

Venti and Zhongli, and the vignettes of a much-needed vacation around Mondstadt.

(my bookmarks: ; - ;      ;  -  ; )

oh ye with little faith by air_fried_air

(platonic zhongven; angst; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

Two former archons do a little tour around Mondstadt.

(my bookmarks: why are all genshin angst fics so melancholy.... i feel so empty)

the wind through the mountain tops by glassdrachma

(platonic zhongven; humor; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 21k words; finished)

Boredom brings Barbatos of Mondstadt to bother a certain ex-Archon of the Earth.

(my bookmarks: venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship-)

XINGYUN

the art of exorcism by Agried

(xingyun; ghost au; hurt/comfort; chongyun-centric; 9k words; oneshot)

On the road back from one of his jobs, Chongyun runs into Xingqiu, the wandering swordsman. And then they keep meeting, over and over again. or, alternately; how a ghost and an exorcist learn how to love, one step at a time.

Bane of All Evil by tzitzimeme

(xingyun; humor; romance; chongyun-centric; 24k words; hiatus)

When Chongyun unintentionally offends Liyue's second most powerful adepti, he vows to mend the thorny relationship between Adeptus Xiao and human exorcists-- even though no one has succeeded in currying Xiao's favor for over a thousand years.

His best friend Xingqiu offers to come alone, mainly because he's worried about what kind of trouble Chongyun will run into. Along the way, they receive help from others: Xiangling packs them meals for their journeys, while Zhongli gives them advice on what demons to track.

Childe is just there because he thinks the whole thing is hilarious.

[On indefinite hiatus due to burnout; sorry!]

kiss me slowly (so i don't forget) by xiwangmu

(xingyun; humor; romance; light angst; xingqiu-centric; 8k words; oneshot)

Wangshu Inn Bulletin Board

Guest Message: My best friend whom I harbor affections for kissed me last night, but due to his special condition he does not recall a single moment of it. I am quite conflicted about whether to disclose these events to him or not, because that would most certainly require me to confess my feelings as well. If anyone has experience in romancing boys with excessive positive energy, this one humbly asks you to share some advice.

Reply: Our greatest apologies—although we would like to offer some words in response, we simply cannot decipher your handwriting. Perhaps you may return with a neater message next time?

time trials by idlestars

(xingyun/many ships; humor; modern au; xingyun-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

A modern social media AU.

Xingqiu Teases Demons. Chongyun Almost Cries. [The clip shows Xingqiu, lit by the sickly green of night vision, as he stares bored into a dark room. He’s alone - Chongyun left to see if Xingqiu could lure out the ghosts. Xingqiu glances at the camera, smirks, and then opens his mouth.

“Hey demons, it’s me, yah boy.”]

OTHER/GEN

woe be the wallet of the god of wealth by glassdrachma

(gen; humor; identity reveal; keqing/zhongli-centric; 12k words; finished)

Or, the story of how the Yuheng of the Qixing came to idolize, befriend, and discover the identity of the God of Geo, in that order.

(personal comments: hilarious, made me burst out into laughter multiple times, and was just a masterful piece of writing)

to dream of dust by miao_x

(guili/gen; ANGST; hurt/no comfort; zhongli-centric; 5k words; oneshot)

Some nights, Zhongli dreams.

He dreams of soft light, golden song, and a gentle breeze whispering tales of millennia past. It is warm, familiar, and comforting.

It feels like home.

And then he opens his eyes, and awakes to reality.

(my bookmarks: oh zhongli... made me cry)

To drown in your own tears by C_rin_nyan

(guili/gen; ANGST; TEARS; PAIN; zhongli-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

As Rex Lapis, he had never shed a tear, even as he slaughtered hundreds, destruction following his every step. As Zhongli, he had shed much more than he would like to admit, however.

Or, “Zhongli’s soul gave its last scream long ago, yet even now, the echo of said sound was still strong enough to reach Rex Lapis.”