#this is incredibly niche i'm aware

[luxolin]

so anyway where's my tlt nonary game au

[shenyaanigans]

the journey of a writer is you begin writing just for the sake of writing and often hand wave details that aren't that important to you to get to the fun bits. then you decide you want to improve and you go through a rigorous process of thinking about lots of mechanics and abiding by sense and rationality, because the most damning insult to a piece of fiction is testing the reader's suspension of disbelief too much. this level of self criticism then colors the interpretation of other texts as well, where they are held to a particular standard where every detail must be perfectly logical, well researched, and contain no contradictions (cinema sins, if you will). nirvana is when you realize that doesn't matter and you go back to hand waving details that aren't that important to you.

[ranger-kellyn]

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[httpsserene]

𝐡𝐭𝐭𝐩𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐟𝟏 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥

𝐮𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝 𝟑: 𝐨𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫 𝐩𝐢𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 | 𝐜𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠

📖𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: your boyfriend has to make an appearance at some sponsor event. he's gone ahead and bought you an alluring outfit, but he failed to mention how seductive he looks in the new fitted suit his team got him. you two won't be staying long, but you increase the pace by riling him up, mostly unintentionally. so it's your fault that he makes you ruin his loaned mclaren. 📖𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: 18+ only. explicit. squirting. car sex. semi-public sex. ooc (out-of-character) oscar. overstimulation. mild possessive behavior. mild jealousy. vaginal fingering. vaginal sex. condom usage. the audacity of men. lando norris’ savior complex /jk. author’s overuse of italics and run-on sentences. 📖𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 5k words 📖𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: oscar piastri x fem!black!reader 📖𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: oneshot. 📖𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸: water • tyla

𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲: what can i say, y'all. back at it with the unhinged thirst. every time i do one of these, they've been getting shorter and shorter. don't be afraid, for #4 (dr/mv) i'll be back on my game, they deserve it. yes gremlin lando appearance. also, i cannot imagine oscar ever acting this way, that's why i put the ooc tag? it's definitely a fun read tho (i think), along with the smut! thank you, loves, for the support on this event!

want to be added to my general taglist? or my f1 kinktober taglist? send me an ask!

thank you to my betas! @biancathecool for helping with my grammer and @barnestatic for her wonderful spoiled brat idea :))))

cross-posted on my ao3, httpsss

if you want to look at what i'm planning for ktober, or catch up on previous uploads here's my f1 kinktober masterlist and my general masterlist for all of my works!

oscar is known for his unfazed, composed and collected demeanor. he’s aware that some people say he has no personality–but, he’s just an introvert at the end of the day. oscar’s a man of few words: that’s what people who aren’t well acquainted with him would say. if you’ve had the pleasure of sticking around oscar long enough for him to become comfortable with you, you’ll learn that oscar has an incredibly complex personality. he’s overly sarcastic, has a niche sense of humor, and can ramble endlessly at you. but, he’s still a fairly calm and quiet individual. which is why the way oscar is about to scream at the top of his lungs in the middle of this mclaren event, would be considered uncharacteristic of him.

he originally invited you to join him tonight thinking that having you by his side would eliminate the social exhaustion he experiences at these types of sponsor events. however, the aussie failed to realize that you may introduce a…different problem, to tonight’s business party. when oscar asked you to join him two weeks ago, he was prepared for all of your objections–you’re both chronic homebodies, and you both hate partaking in small talk with balding, later-aged, cologne-drenched, white men who don’t know when to let a conversation die. he chose the perfect time to ask you (after you emerged from the bathroom post-self-care bath), and addressed all of your grievances. 

oh, you don’t have anything to wear? he already bought you an outfit, had it altered to perfectly fit your measurements, and bought you a pair of heels and a purse to match. oh, you won’t be able to get your hair done in time? he already scheduled an appointment with your usual hairstylist the day before the event, paid all of her fees, and tipped her very nicely. oh, your nails aren’t done?  he booked you a spot at your preferred nail salon for a premium mani-pedi, and has a few nail inspiration photos picked out if you can’t decide. if you need your lashes done or need to get waxed, he can make the call right now; he has them on standby to fit you in.

knowing the amount of phone calls oscar had to partake in to arrange all of this causes you to fold and agree to join him. there’s nothing more the two of you hate than making phone calls–well, besides the pr events.

oscar had chosen an alluring burnt-orange mesh corset and matching ruched ankle-length skirt that looks beautiful against your warm, soft and shining brown skin. your hair is silk-pressed, length reaching your mid-back and your edges are laid in a minimal manner, matching the simplicity of your makeup look. simple gold rings are spread across a few fingers, ears accessorized with a pair of small good hoops oscar gifted you, and his initials rest in the dip between your clavicles attached to a thin gold chain. objectively, you're considerably modestly dressed, the only skin you're showing is on your arms, shoulders, a smidge of your decolletage, and the tops of your feet in the low-heeled strappy sandals. 

this is the start of what oscar failed to account for. he didn’t expect the outfit to hug your curves like plastic wrap. the whole night he’s had to forcefully deny himself the opportunity to stare at your ass, but that doesn’t mean the other men at the event have the same courtesy. he’s taken to burning holes with his eyes into anybody who lets their gaze linger over your form for a second too long. on a regular day, oscar is generally unaffected by anyone who appreciates your body (they can look, but the second they try to touch–you let them know exactly how they had you fucked up), but if he catches one more mclaren engineer undressing you with their eyes–he will make zac fire all of them; he’ll plan his own race strategy and do his goddamn pitstop by himself.

oscar also didn’t account for how your timid and sweet attitude would have everyone enamored with you; at first, watching everyone eagerly attune to your shy words was amusing to him, but it quickly became a nuisance. he was originally leading you around the room, doing his rounds at any important figures’ tables, and everything was fine. and then, oscar had made the obvious mistake of making you laugh–a pleasant stream of giggles spilling from your lips, dimples deepening, and smile widening at whatever small joke he made. he’s always thrilled to see how you throw your head back in amusement, how your hands clap together gleefully, and how your eyes squint in from the force of your laughter. as he shakes himself out of your dazzling trance, he attempts to rejoin the conversation–but every single person at the table remains entranced and wide-eyed at you. 

this would be completely fine, of course, if it was a one-off occasion; but it’s not. 

suddenly, every person oscar tries to thank for supporting mclaren, starts ignoring him and paying more attention to you. he’s literally the pilot of the car that these people are spending an absurd amount of money on, but they can’t even bother to try and pretend to listen to him. men and women alike are finding any excuse to prolong conversations with you, and even lean within your personal space with the excuse that ‘they can’t hear you very well because you’re so soft spoken.’ nobody can invade your personal space, but oscar. he has no choice but to do the very thing he hates–pda. you continue to circle around the room, his hand constantly resting on the small of your back or the dip of your waist. when you’re in the middle of listening to some completely unnecessary story a man is telling you, oscar constantly adjusts your hair, plays with your rings, and smooths down your skirt if he feels like they’re trying too hard. you banish oscar to getting you a glass of water when he begins to interject in conversations in a passive-aggressive manner.

his third strike off the night, might actually be an overall win in his books. when you saw oscar in his new fitted suit, you stared him dead in the eye and told him to ‘get naked and rail you’. it’s this beautiful deep cream color that pairs perfectly with the dark orange tone of your outfit, but the vest underneath the suit jacket highlights his tiny waist so clearly that it makes you want to scream. in between socializing, you overwhelm oscar with compliments, unable to stop telling him how handsome he looks. you surgically attach yourself to his side and hug his arm; taking an occasional squeeze of his bicep, playing with his cufflinks, and tracing the veins on the back of his hand. oscar practically runs to get you a refill of water because he’d be unable to stop himself from getting fully hard if you touched him any longer–the trousers hide nothing.

he can feel your burning gaze from across the room, and turns back to watch you after asking a waiter for water, and catches your eyes roaming the length of his body. in high-definition, he sees your tongue wetting your lips before you bite at your bottom lip–and then, your attention is stolen away from some random man who’s introducing himself to you and the group of ladies you found yourself accosted by as soon as oscar left your side.

and, that’s it for oscar. he thinks he may have heard his last-fucking-button being pressed inside his head, and seethes. he goes to push off from his leaned stance against the counter and makes to start his warpath, but a hand grasps at his shoulder. oscar turns around snappily, biting out an irritated and sarcastic, “can i help you?”

“woah! calm down now, mate. thought you were going to bite my head off for a second,” it’s lando, “if i were anybody else i’m sure there would be an unfortunate tabloid of ‘how oscar piastri is the most rude f1 driver on the grid’” lando jokes teasingly, yet a hint of seriousness leaks into his tone. 

oscar nods, understanding the underlying warning within the brit’s teasing. he apologizes softly to lando, before glancing back over at you, and can infer that you charmingly informed the man that you have a boyfriend—based on the way you point in his direction. oscar watches the polite smile fade from your face as the man continues to bother you, and the murderous look rises to his face again.

“OKAY”, lando claps abruptly, startling not only oscar, but everyone in a 10 foot radius. lando waves everyone else’s eyes away, smiling like he didn’t do anything, and speaks underneath his breath, “go. i’ll cover for you.”

oscar’s mouth drops open, baffled, “what?”

“leave—get your girlfriend and go,” lando says matter-of-factly, his smile becoming genuine, “zac probably won’t like to hear that you looked particularly murderous, and he definitely won’t like hearing that you slaughtered our sponsors, and that i let it happen.”

oscar snorts before he thanks lando sincerely, and the brit dismisses him, “i’m just looking out for my rookie teammate as the senior driver for our team. i can’t let your horny teenage mindset become common knowledge to our esteemed guests.”

“first of all,” oscar says dryly, his grateful mood dissipating at the mocking, “i didn’t even know you knew the word ‘esteemed' existed,” lando scoffs, “and secondly, you are literally only two years older than me.”

lando looks at oscar with a blank stare and deadpans, “do you want to leave or not?”

oscar daps up his teammate in farewell, and makes his way over to you as quickly as he can without seeming desperate, your glass of water left behind on the counter. your back is facing him as he approaches and you're still unwillingly participating in conversation with the man who can’t take no for an answer. as he gets closer, he can piece together the conversation; the dude doesn’t believe you have a boyfriend and you must be lying to him, and you’re adamant that your boyfriend is very real.

“look, bro. even if i was lying about having a boyfriend, why would i give you my number now? like, i’m just supposed to forget how you’ve been harassing me—“

oscar rests his hand on your side, and when you turn your head to see who’s touching you, he leans down and kisses you. it’s a kiss deep enough to let everyone know who you’re leaving with tonight, but not deep enough to be salacious (he can hear lando’s cackle from the other side of the room).

you melt into his kiss before he pulls away, leaving you dazed and disoriented, stumbling into him. oscar drapes his left arm around your shoulder, guiding you to tuck into his side, while he offers his right hand to the offending man for a handshake. “it seems i haven’t had the pleasure of meeting you yet. i’m oscar, i drive for mclaren,” he introduces himself, sounding overly pleased.

the man angers, ignoring oscar’s extended hand and cockily states, “you should already know who i am. my family nicely lent you the mclaren you drove here tonight!”

“ah,” oscar smiles viciously, “if ‘your family’ kindly lent me the car, that would explain why i only remember your father’s name–and not his arrogant, disrespectful, and narcissistic trust-fund son’s name.”

the man stomps his foot in rage, like a spoiled brat, and questions, “who do you think you’re talking too?!”

oscar smirks, “nobody important, apparently,” (one of the ladies listening whispers a quiet ‘damn, that’s crazy’), oscar continues, “don’t worry, mate–i’ll make sure your father’s car returns home to him safely. should i bill you for any cleaning, in case i make a mess of it?”

the guy stumbles over a response before he scoffs and stomps away. oscar shrugs uncaring, before addressing the group of ladies who were cliqued to the side watching the whole interaction, “well. if you all don’t mind, i’m just going to steal her away from you ladies, if that’s okay?” (like there’s an option). the ladies fawn over oscar’s protectiveness before they let the two of you go, and then he starts herding you towards the exit.

it’s torture. in every five steps the two of you take, you're interrupted by various guests trying to catch you one last time. oscar feels like they’re all intentionally aggravating him; patting you on the arm, commenting on how eye-catching you look, and using the fact that the two of you are leaving to press a kiss to your hand in goodbye. you two burst out of the main doors and sigh in relief, for different reasons–for you, it’s because oscar didn’t give one of his sponsors brain damage, and for oscar, it’s because he’s one step closer to getting you in his bed.

you grasp at oscar’s hand, and he starts to lead you down the steps towards the valet, and as you fall into step at his side, you speak softly under your breath, “i can understand why you kissed me like that inside because the dude was being an asshole–even though you were marking your territory like some kind of dog–but, please; don’t tear this poor man’s throat out for helping me into the car.”

the australian remains quiet, properly chastised and works on releasing the pent up effect of the annoyances from inside the venue. everything is going well; the valet asks oscar for his parking ticket, and he goes to grab the keys, but stops just before he makes to start heading to the car, and turns back to you two and says, “i don’t know if i told you when you walked in but–you look incredibly beautiful tonight, miss. you could be a model, seriously. like, you should feel so lucky to have a woman like her–”

all attempts of oscar finding his peace are thrown out of the window. he interrupts the dude’s rambling, and bites out, “hey man, y’know what. i can just take the keys to the car. we can walk to it.”

the valet stutters, confused, “a-are you sure, i mean it’s like pretty far in the back. i can run and get it no pro–”

“it’s FINE! i mean, it’s cool, we can use the extra steps, y’know. enjoy the breeze and everything,” oscar says, slightly maniacal. there’s no breeze, it’s warm. the valet’s and your eyes meet for a second and a shared thought of “he’s trippin” is passed telepathically.

the valet concedes, not wanting to upset the f1 driver any farther and tosses him the keys. as the two of you are passing by, oscar hands the man a bill that’s probably too big based on the man’s astonished gasp. you call out to the man, continuing to walk further in the lot, “sorry about him! he just gets a little touchy about strangers driving his car, y’know?” oscar grumbles lowly next to you, and you smack him on the arm, “what did you want me to say? ‘oh sorry, my boyfriend just wants to fuck me really badly to soothe his needless jealousy?’”

“as long as he knows who’s the one who gets to take you home and fuck you.”

“oscar!” you squeak, “we both know we’d die of embarrassment if you said that. i can’t even imagine those words coming out of your mouth, in that order.”

you guys eventually puzzle out where the car is after several remote beeps of the car’s horn, and find that it’s literally tucked away in the last row, far corner with no surrounding cars for two rows.

oscar doesn’t open your door like he usually does, and leads you around to the driver's side. he opens the door, pushes the seat back as far as it goes, and sits down. without saying anything, he loosens his tie and goes to unbuckle his belt before you reach down and grab at his hand, bewildered, “oscar jack! what the fuck are you doing?”

he blinks, “i’m fucking you, right now. it’s too long of a drive back—i’m going to crash the car if you keep sitting next to me in that goddamn outfit. i was going to take you to the bathroom inside, but i figured you’d at least prefer the car. you can be a little louder here.”

your mouth dries, “you said they loaned you an incredibly rare, vintage mclaren, babe. i’m not gonna-“

oscar wrestles his way out of his suit jacket, spreads it underneath him on the leather seat, and pats his lap. “problem solved.”

shifting your weight, you glance around nervously. oscar is right, you would prefer the car over the bathroom. all those people inside who could overhear, gossip, and spread the news of how rookie mclaren, f1 driver, oscar piastri, had you yelling his name in the middle of an event. you’d pass.

“oh, c’mon now, babe. you didn’t think i saw the way you were eating me alive with your eyes inside,” your boyfriend teases, “i know you‘ve at least gotten a little wet for me already, haven’t you?”

that’s all it takes; the australian acting possessive and feening to get inside you is more than enough to have you straddling his lap and pulling the car door shut with a slam.

oscar tugs you into dirty make out, and you get lost in his pink lips, tugging teeth, and explorative tongue. the last of your breath tapers out in a reedy moan, and you break the kiss to pant against his lips, and oscar laughs. his laughter spreads through your chest, and it has your hips rolling against the bulge you feel underneath you. his amusement is cut off, and his hands fly to grip at your hips. he starts tugging you against him in a filthy grind, and choked off moans from the two of you start to fill the car.

you press kisses to oscar’s jaw line, paving a path down to his wide strong neck with your tongue. you suck on small patches of skin, not using enough suction to leave a mark, but enough for oscar to become aware of the fantasization that you could. the aussie gasps at every random suckle of your lips as he scrambles to pull the skirt up your legs. you shift your hips up to make it easier for him, as your hands feel down his torso to his belt. it unbuckles fairly easily, and you shove it out of the way, to unzip the slacks and pull his cock out.

oscar moans, throwing his head back at the feel of your hand on his length, and you get entranced in the trap that his pale thick neck is, again. you hum against his neck, introducing teeth alongside the ache of the suction of your mouth, and bully the collar of his shirt out of the way to find a space to leave a few marks. oscar’s breath freezes at the first hickey he feels you leave, but the rapid inhale he takes next clears his mind enough to have his right hand pull your panties to the side, and move to caress your heat.

you shudder on top of him, your breathy sigh amplified within the car. oscar sinks two fingers inside of you, and a much louder moan is tugged out. your hands fly up to grasp onto his shoulder, and your head tilts backward away from his neck in pleasure. his fingers thrust into you gently for a few beats slowly working to open you up for him and once he feels your cunt starting to relax, his thumb reaches to press at your clit. whines fill the air, as you lean all the way back, resting your back on the steering wheel allowing oscar all the space he needs to stretch you out. his fingers start curling as they drag out of you, and you can feel the pads of his fingers rubbing over a soft spot on the front of your walls. 

oscar’s eyes were stuck marveling over the overwhelmed expression on your face, but once he starts feeling wetness dripping down his arm he glances down, and curses out a rough, “fuck, baby—you’re dripping all over me.” your cheeks burn hot, and you can’t tell if that’s out of humiliation or the effect of his awe-filled voice. your right hand releases his shoulder, and bats at his arm, before tugging at his wrist to pull his fingers out, “that’s enough, mmm, just get in me already.”

oscar eagerly draws away; he uses his clean hand to tug his wallet out of his back pocket, and tugs a condom out with a smidge of struggle before handing it to you. you snatch it out of his hand, biting it open and rolling it over his cock, and once it’s on, you tease, “jeez, osc. you really were planning on jumping me in the middle of the event tonight—grabbing a condom and everything; you think i’m that easy?”

he chuckles, satisfied, his hand drenched in your wetness rubbing over his cock to get him slick, and teases back, “you’re about to ride my cock in the parking lot of said event, pretending to be worried about ruining the seats of this vintage car. i’m not calling you easy, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared, does it?”

your cheeks are definitely burning from humiliation this time around, but you huff, ignoring him checking you. you tug his hand away, raising your hips, and guide him to your entrance with your own hand, before slowly sinking down. 

twin sets of moans fill the air as he bottoms out; one of his hands reaches to palm at your ass (it’s sticky, so it must be the one he fingered you with), and the other grips at your waist tightly. you squirm on top of him, knees barely managing to find enough room to prop on the seat to give you a stable base. once you feel stable in your cramped position, you give a testing grind of your hips, and from there, it’s lights out.

oscar lets you set the pace for a few thrusts, suffering in the languid rock of your hips; you’re torturously tight around him, and he can only groan at the feeling of you wrapped around him. his chest heaves, before he brings both hands to halt your hips, and starts fucking up into you rough and quick. a scream jostles out of your throat at the unexpected change of speed, but you just take it with no complaints, allowing yourself to go limp against the wheel of the car to hold your body upright. he moves your body for you, pulling you downwards to meet his upward thrusts; and you feel him constantly applying pressure against that one tender spot right under your navel.

your boyfriend revels in the sound of the moans he’s punching out of your throat, admiring the way your head is thrown back—mouth open wide, eyes scrunched tight, lips bruised and bitten to hell. it’s a lewd picture, painted by himself. the car rocks along to his frantic rhythm, windows fogging, and sweat begins to form on both of your skin. the aussie’s core tightens; he won’t last much longer, you’ve had him half-hard the whole night.

a frustrated grunt escapes oscar, and you hum questionably about to ask what’s wrong–but his right hand leaves your waist to furiously start circling your clit, and an ear piercing shriek leaves you. “c’mon now, babe. ah-be good and come f’me yeah? im so close, baby–please,” he babbles, the last shred of sanity leaving him. his hips don’t falter once–to you it feels like they’re moving quicker, every sensitive spot receiving attention from the sharp snaps of them.

you cry out, it’s all too much; your hand reaches down to press against his navel in a feeble attempt to stop him from stroking so deep and roughly, and incoherent pleads try and tumble out of your mouth, “mm! osc–no! ah–too much, baby! it’s too much–hngh–feels weird–s-slow down!” it’s like his ears are filled with cotton; he can hear you begging down at him but can’t make out what your saying over the blood rushing in his ears. he’s trapped staring at your pretty cunt, watching the obscene amount of wetness coming out of you–the suit jacket underneath him is completely ruined, and he off-handedly thinks it won’t be saving the leather upholstery.

your legs start quivering and trembling–it damn near looks like you're freezing to death, even though the car has become as humid as a sauna. your own orgasm shocks you, and your eyes roll back erotically–unable to give oscar any warning. and in your last moment of awareness, you realize that something feels different, but it’s too late.

you choke on your scream of, “oscar, fuck!” as fluid gushes out of your cunt, and the first wave is enough to completely drench oscar’s pants, and oscar finally returns to the moment in amazement. he eagerly brushes his hand against your clit, and shortens his strokes to quick little jabs to force more of your juices out, and you can only ride along. you try to slam your legs shut, to jostle oscar’s hand away, but it’s futile with his torso propping you open for him. you’re sobbing messily, as he forces more liquid to spray from your cunt–and he moans out his own orgasm, ripped from him in surprise. the australian halts his stimulation this time around when you frantically tug his wrist away when the pleasure melds to pain, and allows himself to get a few more jerks of his hips in.

you fall forward, collapsing into his chest–the squelch of your thighs meeting his pant-covered ones has him humming and grinding his hips into you as gently as he can. the two of you shake against each other, hearts rabbiting as you catch your breath. oscar’s hands rise to rub at your back, bringing you down from the aftershocks still trembling over your body. 

“i-i’ve never squirted before,” you whisper into his neck.

your boyfriend hums softly, “did you like it?”

he feels you nod against him shyly.

“then, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” he comforts, knowing if he seems approving of it, you’ll be quicker to accept it as something good, “how i’m going to explain the ruined suit and car seat to mclaren on the other hand…”

a shaky laugh from you causes oscar to smile, “i told you you shouldn’t fuck me in the car.”

“how was i supposed to know that tonight would be the night i’d made you gush all over me?! i was hoping that when the time came we’d at least be on a couch,” he whines.

“shut the fuck up,” you joke, “i want a live play by play when you explain the cleaning bill to zac.”

the aussie pauses, faking thoughtfulness, “maybe i should send the bill to the trust-fund baby. zac would back me up–he’s american, he’d probably find it hilarious.”

oscar gently shifts you over to the passenger seat, and you tug your skirt all the way down, and he fights his way out of his slacks that stuck to his thighs with your wetness. he manages to wrangle them off and kicks them to the side of the car floor along with the soiled suit jacket, after fishing the keys out of them, sitting out in his boxers, and glances over to see you adjusting your appearance as best as you possibly can.

“you want a mcflurry?” the aussie offers.

“as long as we can get a fry with it,” you smile at the random shift in conversation, allowing him to hide his embarrassment.

oscar turns the keys in the ignition, and the engine rolls into life with a deep, vibrating hum. he catches your legs pressing together tightly, and you squirm at the purr of the engine under your seat.

“well,” oscar starts nonchalantly as he reverses out of the spot, “you have the time that it takes to get from the drive-through to the flat to finish eating–because as soon as we get home, i’m taking you to bed and learning how to make you squirt, consistently. i don’t care how long it takes, or how many orgasms you have–i’ll keep going ‘til you come dry, babe.”

taglist: @lorarri @soph1644 @jaydensluv @fanboyluvr @nissaimmortal @redgonerogue @hollie911 @saintwrld @buendiabebeta @butterfly-lover @lana-d3l-rey @dylan1721 @spicybagel14 @dhhdhsiavdhajj @miahgonzalez16 @jjaekin @dkbj14 @f1lover55 @f1lov3r @mindless-rock @biancathecool @barnestatic @sweetpiccolo-blog @my-ylenia @zaynzierulez @reblog-princess

© httpsserene 2023

[luvwich]

✒️ writer interview tag

tagged by @dustdeepsea — tysm, this was great fun! read their answers here and mine, if you like, beneath the cut ✨

When did you start writing?

early 2023 was my first foray into writing actual fiction. prior to that i'd done an embarrassing amount of roleplaying many years ago, which i shall speak on no further, but it did form the basis for a lot of my writing now!

once upon a time, i seriously entertained the idea of an MFA in screenwriting, but went on to pursue something even stupider for grad school 👍

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

honestly everything i enjoy reading gets smuggled into my writing in some form or another!

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

there are like 26 different writers where i wish to take bits and pieces of their style, send it all into a meat grinder, and press the gunk into sausage casings to be dipped in batter and deep fried. ideally i want my writing to hit like wagyu beef that's been corrupted into a county fair corn dog. but no i'm not sure i've ever been compared to another writer! that would fuck my shit up truly (in a good way)

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

typically curled up on my couch, because the ergonomic status of my home office setup is terrible — potentially lethal. sometimes i stay late at my not-home office, hidden away in a dark conference room, but that's usually only if i'm on a self-imposed deadline (i.e. i've started posting a WIP)

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

the spark that gets me to write is usually some kind of Dynamic that i want to explore so i do a lot of noodling upon situations and then figuring out how to get there. and by situations i mean smut

also, writing bits of dialogue, even if i don't know the context yet. it gets a character's voice and mannerisms in my head, and gives me a little grain to start building on

sadly, going on a hike and/or reading a really good book are both very effective and by far the most time consuming

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

longing, isolation, identity, the difference between the person you'd like to be and the person you are, strained/dysfunctional family relationships, wrong person right time, hope, blowjobs, self-deception, california, fucking your way through it, guilt, social class, mommy issues, mono no aware, oral fingering, etc; they don't surprise me anymore but the first time i finished a long fic and took a step back i was like "ohh haha Damn"

What is your reason for writing?

i am horny, sad n silly

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

all forms of feedback are so touching! i think much of what i write is pretty niche, so simply knowing someone has read my stuff gets me pumped. a big essay of a comment is like receiving a love letter, and comments that are just an emoji are like someone's tucked a little note in my lunchbox, and both are incredibly nourishing to me. as far as motivation, though, anything that implies someone is looking forward to reading more is the surest way to light a fire under my people-pleasing ass

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

affable wretch, trickster, wine aunt

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

i'm not sure any one thing stands out: i believe i'm pretty good in a few areas (dialogue, sensory detail, characterization) and notably lacking in others (action, "plot," pacing, not getting high on my own supply)… okay i'll stop being an asshole though and say my strength is in "delivering on a mood," if that is a thing

How do you feel about your own writing?

generally good. for one, i'm proud of myself for ever finishing and posting anything, because following through on shit isn't something i'm renown for. i tend to hate everything i write after i've gotten some distance from it, but i think that's normal? right? i'm new at it and it's all for fun so i try to be gracious with myself, with mixed success, because beneath my goofy exterior i do take everything too seriously

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

mostly for myself; i do abstractly ask "would someone who isn't me enjoy this?" and never quite know the answer. like most humans i crave external validation and connection, but like a cactus i can survive on just a lil rainfall 🌵

tagging w/no pressure (but with my best barbara walters impression) @corpocyborg @ghostoffuturespast @merge-conflict @streetkid-named-desire @writing-for-soup

[nebmia]

Reviewing every rpg book on my shelf: 5, Flying Circus

Flying Circus is a a game by Erika Chappell where you fly planes, have messy dramatic relationships, and find out who you are. Sometimes all at the same time. More specifically you fly *rickety planes from the dawn of aviation* and have messy, dramatic relationships, and find out who you are *in an essentially queer way*.

The first thing I love about Flying Circus is it's sheer audacity in taking pbta (usually deployed for low crunch storygame-y titles) and twisting it into a highly detailed and technical system for running dogfights. I think its really clever how Erika has taken the idea of a detailed combat system are re-appraised it from the ground up in the context of dogfighting.

There is no grid based movement here, it simply is not useful in the three dimensional world that planes inhabit. Instead your positioning is modelled through altitude and air speed, with each being tradeable for the other and spend able to perform maneuvers.

Honestly the whole system is rather intimidating (a fact the book freely admits). Each plane requires a little personal instrument panel sheet (and a few extra side sheets) that resemble somthing you would expect in a euro-game boardgame more than an rpg. The system goes as far as modelling how your plane performs as you use up your modelling fuel and with varying altitude. There are also a lot of fairly involved moves that it feels would be a little tricky to keep aware of while running a dogfight. However, from what I hear, the system works well and, once you understand it, isn't /that/ tricky to run. I think this isn't actually that crunchy when compared to your standard tactical battlers, it's just completely new (and working in a zone most people have less of an intuitive understanding of [although its worth noting that most peoples intuitive understanding of medieval style combat is dead wrong]) so we are unably to draw upon our preexisting assumptions.

You will notice I have to fall back on reports and intiitions here because I am yet to be able to play the game, which is honestly my biggest problem with it: it carves such a specific niche that I think I will really struggle to ever bring it to the table. Anyone I have talked to about the game has always responded to the effect of 'I don't think I'm into planes enough for this'.

I am also not half as into planes specifically as Erika Chappell is. But what I am into is getting deep into things in general, and this whole system excels at letting you get incredibly technical and nerdy about your plane (as far as things like exactly what radiator fluid it has, if you use the advanced rules) and making those choices actually matter in play.

ok, that's probably enough about planes (a phrase I anticipate has never once been uttered by the author of this book), what are you doing when you get out of the planes?

The game follows a cycle of mission and downtime, which you spend relieving stress (in healthy or unhealthy ways) and running upkeep on your company. This is where you do a lot of the character work and bring into focus the 'coming of age' narrative that the game intends.

Which seems a good lead in to talking about the playbooks. Each playbook is focused around a particular thematic idea or experience, which is helpfully spelled out directly in a 'themes' section for each one. This isn't a game where you play as a fighter because you want to solve problems by hitting them but rather one where you play as a Fisher because you want to engage with "a queer reclamation of the monstous", or a scion because you want to engage with "privilege and power, and what obligations come with it", or a believer because you want to engage with "a mindset that thrives on radicalism", or a survivor because you want to engage with "a metaphor for what it feels like to be a transgender person escaping an unwelcome or abusive situation".

Obviously, alongside themes you do also get a load of cool abilities to use.

Of the many games that claim to be ghibli-esque but I think Flying Circus hews closest on account of two things: understanding miyazaki's perspective on war and also due to being absolutely unhinged about planes.

[bitethedevil]

"Raphael feeling loved" anon here! 👋 I found what you wrote incredibly interesting.

However, I don't think I worded my ask clearly/correctly. I more so was curious on how Raphael would react to someone casually appreciating him or doing things that make him feel like he is cared about without anything being explicitly stated to him. Like how someone taking the initiative to just do a simple kind gesture for you (like a co-worker leaving a tin of homemade cookies for you to find on your desk after you helped them with their workload last week) can make you feel appreciated, how someone mentioning that something they saw remind them of you because they thought you might be interested in it (like a friend telling you about a newly opened shop they happened across recently and how it has things related to a niche hobby of yours) can make you feel cared about, etc. Obviously, the things that could/would potentially cause Raphael to feel like that would probably be completely different from the examples I gave and I would hardly be surprised if his reaction to experiencing such feelings would be similar how you described him and being loved, but I'm still curious on your thoughts about it.

Again though, I still greatly enjoyed your thoughts on how this dude would handle (or mishandle) someone explicitly loving and adoring him. I always appreciate how thorough you are in your answers and analyses. It makes them super interesting to read and think about.

Hi again anon!

When it comes to those things, I don’t think it would really rattle him at first. I think he would find it “cute” that another person is interested in him like that, and he would definitely not be shy to exploit it, but I don’t think it would go much further than that if we are talking purely affection. He is the type to keep people at a certain distance, I think.

I’m currently working on a chapter of my fic ‘More Than Our Fathers’ where it is a bit more of a soft Raphael. The woman he is pursuing is a demigoddess. He is interested in what she can do for him, and she is painfully aware and turns him down at every turn for almost a millennium.

(Tiny spoilers for a chapter of it that is not out yet if you read it)

In that, the first time she shows him affection (literally just platonic and casual handholding while she’s a bit drunk), he feels something else than just the achievement of getting closer to her and he h a t e s it. It disgusts him like everything else that makes him feel weak in life does, but he is (obviously) mostly disgusted with himself for even being capable of feeling something like that.

I’ve read somewhere that what is beautiful and lovely to mortals is disgusting and horrible to devils, and vice versa with what is horrible is beautiful to them. I do like the idea of a Raphael who is just on the verge of literally throwing up from those disgusting soft feelings because of his devil part, but yet a bit intrigued because it does feel nice to his human part that he suppresses.

Also leaves space for some delightfully awkward scenarios: Imagine starting a relationship with that idiot and he falls in love, but you can’t do anything too sweet to him, because he won’t stop gagging and making faces when you do as if you are literally torturing him by doing so.

(Thank you for the ask <3)

[infraczern]

Yeah, I'm incredibly late..

Vampire Bertie au ^-^

So. The story behind it. I'll try to make it sound properly..

"Some chap from the Drones was throwing a party at their house and of course I decided to go and have a jolly good time. Unfortunately some bothersome blonde Lady found me interesting and tried to flirt with me all night following me anywhere I went. When I eventually managed to escape her somewhere at the back of the huge mansion I found myself a bit lost. I was roaming the corridors, slightly too drunk to concentrate on returning to the main hall, when someone who was lurking in the niche grasped and pushed me to the wall with unnatural strength. The fact it was a woman seemed even more threatening. You have to know that even though I'm not the strongest chap I'm definitely not of a shape that can be easily tossed around by some fragile Lady. Unfortunately she didn't appear fragile and her nails were painfully tightening around my wrist. Before I fully understood what was going on she unbuttoned my shirt and was biting me. I might have fainted for a moment because when I managed to collect my thoughts I was laying on the ground and the blonde Lady I met before was there and shouting. She must have seen the scary woman but when I spoke to her she suddenly seemed clueless and denied seeing anyone. Then she left expeditiously mumbling something about indecent behaviour. I was in a morbid mood, drunk and sore. I didn't even notice when I was heading home. I jolly well hope that those crazy Ladies will stop waylaying gentlemen on every corner!"

And then Jeeves have to handle the vampire Lady situation because she is trying to kill Bertie so he wouldn't become a vampire. Bertie is not really aware of what happened and tries to ignore those weird new appearance features that are starting to pop up here and there. But it's getting harder when the desire to drink blood appears...

You see, I don't really know how vampires work so I made up my own mechanics. When the vampire bites someone they have to kill them afterwards otherwise the victim has a chance to become a vampire. To achieve that, the victim has to bite someone else and drink their blood, in that case the original vampire loses their immortality to the new one. If the victim doesn't do anything they can be sick for a while and then continue regular life or just die in a couple of days if they lose too much blood. The victim is more likely to become a vampire because they start to feel a strong urge to bite somebody. What is interesting about this case is that the first person the victim bit can't become a vampire cause the victim still isn't one. The vampire Lady would kill Bertie but she was interrupted by the Blonde one and now in order to not lose her immortality she has to kill him before he bites someone. There is also a second way to solve this problem but it needs Bertie and the vampire Lady to take part in some ritual that would connect their souls but neither Bertie nor the vampire Lady are eager to participate in it.

I hope I made it clear hah

[xxscarletxrosexx]

Addressing Watermarks on Official Merch Scans -- A Post Made to EDUCATE

I never thought this would need to be addressed, but I think to ignore this would do me injustice as someone who works in education. This message, at its core, is to educate, not attack anyone in particular.

I used to think how silly it was that people used watermarks on pictures and art, but after spending decades in multiple fandom groups, I learned that people are simply too lazy to find the source and credit accordingly and/or want the glory/validation that comes from claiming that particular art/picture as theirs.

I've had a picture stolen once, too. It was a picture of a mannequin that reminded me of Slender Man. I posted it on a public social media app just for laughs, and somehow, that picture ended up becoming a small meme. It WASN'T a huge meme, but it made its way to a niche of Slender Man memes. I haven't received credit for that picture and probably never will. The reason is that this picture was taken over a decade ago, so finding the source would be difficult for me to scroll through the app. Furthermore, I can't show proof that I have the original picture since it was from an old phone that I no longer owned. I had the picture backed up on an external hard drive, but it was deleted when the memory got wiped when I was dealing with a virus. Ultimately, I'm not here to air out my grievance for this picture, but I take it as a lesson to myself that I should be careful next time if I want to post a picture on the internet.

This now brings me to the present-day issue: why did I watermark my scans?

As you read from my previous experience, it's because people DON'T credit or share the source.

I am very much aware that this particular design of the Forgers is very rare to come by. The official art was posted by the official website, but it was never addressed again (I know because I am dying to have acrylic stands of this design). As of today, I tried to look for this specific design and the following images showed up when I spent the past 10 minutes scrolling:

If you were to click the link for the merch (middle image), you would find that the website is unavailable. So, yes, to find this design on a merch was INCREDIBLY lucky on my part. Now, I wasn't expecting to find this at Waku Waku Park, nor was it my mission to find this specific art during the duration of my trip. It just so happened to be at the shop. To my knowledge, other official SxF merch--other than the Waku Waku Park merch--supposedly changes. I compared my experience with two SxF moots who went in December (Ikebukuro/Tokyo location) and 1 week (Osaka location) before me, and they both don't recall finding this design during their visits to Waku Waku Park (I mean, justified because it's been ages ago). As a result, this makes this merch all the more difficult to find.

Technically, I wasn't allowed to take pictures of the merchandise when I was at the shop. I was approached by a store clerk after I had already completed taking pictures of every merch available at the shop. She was limited in her English but crossed her index fingers and told me: "Pictures prohibited." I have not, nor do I plan to, share merch pictures, hence why I edited to the clear file folders to show proof that I was there.

The reason why I am so hell-bent on having my watermark on MY PICTURES and MY SCANS is because of the amount of time, effort, and money I invested into getting it.

Just to give you guys an idea of how expensive it was:

$1,500 was spent on a 9-day round-trip ticket to Japan.

$180 was lost to an overnight night bus from Tokyo to Osaka that I didn't end up riding due to rushing and booking the wrong date. I was not allowed to cancel or refund.

$100 was spent on an airplane ticket from Tokyo to Osaka.

$90 was spent on a shinkansen (bullet train) from Kyoto to Tokyo (we took a fast metro ride from Osaka to Kyoto).

$100 was spent on a last-minute B&B in Osaka.

$50 was spent on Waku Waku Park tickets that came with merchandise (I paid for my friend's ticket as well as my own).

$12 (est.) was spent on purchasing this clear file folder.

Over $350 was spent on purchasing merch from Waku Waku Park alone.

$60 was invested in purchasing a scanner just to scan a high-quality image of this clear file for my friend, and anyone else who'd appreciate seeing this product.

To share how much time and effort it took to get to purchasing this:

My friend and I weren't able to book events for the trip despite purchasing our tickets 2 months in advance. Our jobs and schedules prevented us from meeting up and planning out places where we'd like to visit. As a result, many of our planned trips were booked days before we went, such was the case with Waku Waku Park. We literally bought the tickets the night before.

The flight, night bus, and shinkansen tickets from Tokyo to Osaka and from Kyoto to Tokyo were purchased the day before we bought the tickets, which was during our bus ride trip to Mount Fuji.

When purchasing tickets for Waku Waku Park, my SxF moots recommended I purchase online or at Lawson--I did the latter. For whatever reason, I just couldn't purchase the tickets online, so I went to Lawson and found a machine that sells general tickets to the public. I recall this experience being so frustrating because they did have an English translation option for the homepage ONLY. Once I clicked the platform that sold Waku Waku Park tickets, all text went back to Japanese. I couldn't read it, so I had to contact my SxF moot (who was fortunately still in Japan and went through this experience like me AND could read and speak in Japanese) explain to me what I was looking at. I also used Google Lens to help make sense of whatever I was reading. I probably spent over 10 minutes trying to figure that shit out until the shop clerk finally came over to see if he can help me complete the form and check out my purchase (poor kid didn't know English but we somehow managed).

When my friend and I arrived in Osaka, we had forgotten to book a B&B since we knew that there was a high likelihood that we'd stay overnight. I purchased a 1-day Osaka trip pass, assuming that we'd be able to go to every place offered on the list, but nope, my friend crashed after Waku Waku Park. As a result of booking so early in the morning, we were fortunate to have found a B&B that was ready by 1 PM (?) maybe 3 PM (?). I can't remember other than the fact that when I requested if we could come early, they told me we couldn't come until check-in time. So, we went to ATC Gallery (Waku Waku Park) with our luggages (fortunately, they were light but it was a nuisance to have carried it around). We were also fortunate that ATC Gallery, when arriving to the building via metro station, had a locker that could fit our luggage--so thank goodness we didn't have to carry it during the exhibit.

We learned that once you exit the exhibit--which means you exit the merch shop--you are NOT allowed to come back in. Even, when your companion was still inside, you couldn't go back in. My friend left the merch shop since there were no places for her to sit and wait for me. So she stepped out of the shop. Apparently, there are gates with workers preventing people from re-entering. And so, when I experienced problems with my card, I called my friend to have her lend me her credit card. That's when we experienced that problem. The officer was kind enough to allow my friend to hand me her card so that I could pay for my haul of merch. But imagine, if we both left the shop to go to a store to withdraw money? There was no Lawson store nearby so we'd have to take the metro and find one, buy a ticket, return to the venue, go through the exhibit AGAIN (I probably would have to repeat playing the minigames, collecting stamps, and having my photo taken out of courtesy rather than rushing through the exhibit), and then finally arrive at the merch shop. But considering the time we entered the park around 1:30 PM and spent 2 hours in the park, I believe that it would have ended with a very tight schedule (the park closes at 6:00 PM) and a very unhappy companion.

In conclusion, removing my watermarks means you (the watermark remover) discredit me and disrespect all of my time, effort, and money I invested just to get a high-quality scan of this clear file just for you to enjoy looking at and most likely saving it to your collection of SxF images. You are also a THIEF for not only stealing my scanned image and re-uploading my scan with a horrible cut and my watermarks removed with AI, but also for the fact that you DID NOT pay for a round-trip ticket to Japan, you DID NOT pay for your own ticket to Waku Waku Park, you DID NOT purchase this clear file yourself, and you DID NOT spend money on a scanner to get this high-quality image to post on the internet.

I know that this is MY SCANNED image of the official art because I can see ghost texts of my watermark between Loid and Yor and near Anya's finger and Bond's forehead. I can see the residual cut off of the weird light-blue scan found near Loid's head. The most obvious is that the red leaf between Yor and Loid was horribly "removed" by AI (dear, I use AI to edit out people from my photos, it doesn't take a trained and perfectionist eye to notice something looks fucked up).

Below is an example of me using AI, and this is not how it should look without people. There was a clear pathway behind the people but AI decided to cover it with grass. Keep in mind that to arrive to THIS AI edit, it took me over an hour to repeat the removal process since AI's edit is RANDOM every time. I am an extreme perfectionist, so I tend to waste hours on end to find AI edits that look convincing (I'm not gonna bother putting a watermark on this because my face is there).

Furthermore, as far as I'm aware (at this current time), I know that my scan is the only one that has resurfaced this image. The official merch image of this design is quite difficult to find and reference. I would've sourced it by now if I had already found it, but I've spent 6 hours writing this entire post as is and still couldn't find it.

The person who shared the removal of my watermark on Twitter/X was unaware of the importance for watermarking scans and had been cooperative by taking down her original post. I have provided a post to my scans on Twitter/X here, and a link to the original source found on my Ko-Fi shop. I currently have no beef with her, nor am I attacking her with this post. What she had presented to me was an opportunity to educate.

If you're looking for official merch that do not have watermarks slashed across their products, then your best bet is to find them from official merch websites and/or official merch images. Obviously, they want you to purchase their products. Second, they have the legal rights and trademark (TM) to flex that they own it, so I highly doubt anyone would go out of their way to edit an official work and claim it as their image.

My experience alone confirms that had I not put a watermark on my scan, I would have definitely gotten this scan stolen. As far as I'm aware, my scan is the ONLY ONE (at this current moment) that pops up in Google searches. It pops up via Tumblr from @yumeka-sxf Spy x Family miscellaneous collab scans - part 3 post.

I'm so grateful to have received advice from @yumeka-sxf because she encouraged me to protect my scans having experienced multiple thefts from her oldest scanned images in the past.

TLDR; Don't remove people's watermarks on scanned pictures (especially if they're put on official merch). We have the right to post watermarks on our pictures/scans because we spent ungodly time and effort to find them, spent money to purchase them, scanned/took high-quality pictures of them, and kindly shared our collection(s) FOR FREE for people to enjoy, share the experience, and/or inspire them to purchase one themselves. Unfortunately, the decision to put watermarks over purchased merch is because there are people who are willing to do whatever it takes to edit out credit and watermarks found in corners or in open spaces to claim ownership of the image. I have also seen merchants' product pictures being stolen by other sellers who just happen to have the same product (yes, I'm calling Ebay and Mercari out). That's why there are sellers who take pictures of their products next to their usernames.

If you have read everything until the very end, you have my gratitude. I hope that this post has been educational in helping everyone become aware that watermarks are used to credit people's time, effort, and money to share high-quality scans/pictures of official merch that they purchased. The reason you can see it is because of their efforts to share it.

[lorelune]

hey fellas and folks i have been meaning to write something up about this but haven't known where to start or where i'll end up. but i DO feel like it deserves addressing.

(having my joker moment joker moment)

i really love this niche. i found a home in it during a very difficult time in my life, and have found many friends and lasting irl connections from the writings shared and conversations had. this place is so incredibly, INCREDIBLY dear to me. despite going through many horrors (tm) while in this community, i continue to stay because there is a lot about it that i love.

however, in the last... i don't know, year or so? there has been such an abundance of discourse, gossip and drama both publicly and privately that has exhausted me to no end. these things have always existed, they always will, but in the past year they have felt so draining and despairing that it has made finding the same comfort and joy in this community is hard. a lot of times, impossible!

one of the things that genuinely makes me SO sad is the tags. i made most of my lasting friendships in this niche but seeing a writing in the tags that i enjoyed and dming the author and shouting together. i have found so many great writers in the tags, and i still crawl around them today looking for fic!! HOWEVER. i find it difficult, not just because of the abundance of vague smut-related comphet posts with a slew of character names underneath from unrelated fandoms (to each there own but it isn't a posting style i enjoy!) but moreso because of the INSANE number of posts by antis that get thrown into the tags. main tags, character tags, x reader tags. it is so deeply disheartening to be looking for fic to enjoy and get jump scared by a posts saying horrible things about those who enjoy dark content. respectfully if you're above the age of eighteen and looking for writing on tumblr dot gov, i HIIIIGHLYY recommend using your literacy to first read ANY article or study summary about human psychology and sexuality and why fantasy does not equal what someone actual desires! signed a sex-repulsed ace spec mf who writes and enjoys smut. hate to use myself as example, but i hate even more to see folks in the tags be puritanical and pro-censorship under the guise of progressive ideology.

i want to say that there are parties within this niche that are CONSISTENTLY at the center of drama and conflict. no matter what fandom, no matter the url changes and lurking, they are there and its the same mfs. this is a complete vague, as i'm sure the parties in involved in the targeted harassment and ensuing drama do not know who i am, nor know that i know. but i DO <3, and so do plenty of other writers in our niche who have politely blocked and left you alone. do us all a fucking favor and do the same, instead of instigating harassment and being hateful cunts.

in this vein, in my closer circle, i know that these events (especially in the last six months) have caused folks to become conspiratorial and assume bad faith. i understand this is a protective measure because folks have gone through the wringer. however it makes me so sad to see what is often folks who likely do not know any context or horrors of the community, be painted so poorly in casual conversations when most of the time, communication is made to create a connection, not to start a fight.

i find myself reflecting on WHY i have come to not feel comfortable in this community. why i don't enjoy writing the same way, why i don't feel the same security i once felt, why i get so damn nervous to post a silly thought or thirst on main, and i find myself coming back to these experiences and the subsequent fear that follows. perhaps i am a weak-hearted coward, but i find it hard to find joy when i feel surrounded by constant negativity and genuine cruelty. it is hard to want to share any of myself when i am so deeply aware that whether it is strangers or people i have become close to, what i enjoy and what i choose to express and share can be so easily twisted into something it is not.

i know it would be easier if i had a thicker skin, or felt secure enough that this didn't bother me, but part of the core problem is that this community has made me insecure. it's a loop. it is one that makes me genuinely sad, as this place once felt so much like home. i know it still can be, but it certainly won't be sitting here, starting at blank documents and text posts wondering to myself 'why can't i just put words on paper' while i have the cortisol levels of a prey animal.

i'm not sure if other folks have felt similarly, or find themselves in the same point. however if you do, or you find yourself resonating, here's to feeling seen 🥂

- papa salami (lore) 🌙

[bruciemilf]

My favorite Damian headcanons (as a POC myself) are the ones where he does POC things that're incredibly niche but also very widespread POC experiences

Commenting on how horror movies have no realistic people of color because otherwise they'd last less than ten minutes.

Responding with "is it because I'm not white" to every single criticism.

Bruce tries to get him to wear a suit and he's like "😐 I can't believe you're erasing my culture like this".

Jason calls him a demon and he tells Bruce Jason called him a slur because of where he comes from.

Refusing to try anything American he doesn't like because "I was raised with actual class".

Assuming it's a lie when Bruce says he can be whatever he wants in the future because come on now. He isn't a fool.

Saying American food is bland because he's used to food that scorches his tastebuds

Not believing in God but using religious phrases, calling his siblings faithless/godless when they annoy him, and rejecting atheism thoroughly because religion is a huge part of POC culture.

Saying "I would've been sent back to the Motherland for that behavior" whenever his siblings act out of line. It's not even necessarily true, but it's genuinely just a reflex

Joking about being beaten as a child because it's a POC bonding experience and backtracking when people freak out because no he wasn't actually hit (only a rap on the knuckles every now and then and the usual POC mother verbal abuse), it's a joke, he was joking.

Doing something dumb like sneaking out and halfway through realizing "oh my God this is white person behavior. I'm being whitewashed" and getting himself back in line

Automatically responding with "aren't you mixed?" to "yeah, but not mixed with stupid like you are"

Being awed and slightly disturbed on how much people just get away with in predominantly white homes

Being the "well behaved child" even with his bad temper because yes, he's spoiled, but he's also fully aware that he won't get away with half the shit he does if he was with his mother and enjoys his still-new freedom

^ And these are some of the general POC experiences, not to speak of the Arab-specific ones! People need to give this boy more POC trauma!

I LOVE THESE!! am not a POC so I don't have much to add; I do, however, love making fun of white people, and I'm passing that off to Damian. He sees Steph eat like, greek yogurt, and is like "i had no idea you liked spicy food. Getting adventurous, are we?"

[webcxre]

so! in this au basically everything in TADC and ena are the same, its just they take place in the same world!

so its no secret the circus is kinda buggy. we see it a lot in the pilot with things clipping, things popping in and out of existence, etc. turns out when you have an early ai running the show and throw human souls into the mix the computer doesn't run as smoothly as one would hope.

with so much going on at once, i'd assume the game would need a LOT of memory to keep track of it all.

then we have the void, which is kinda like going out of bounds...why can they even go into the void? honestly probably because of how buggy everything is dsgsh even caine's aware of it being there

so if you've ever gone out of bounds in earlier games, sometimes especially buggy games will just start pulling from the game's memory to figure out what the hell to put there. i'm especially thinking of early pokemon games. they're a MESS

(fun fact! pokemon RGBY/RBY is so buggy that you can program the memory from inside the game! people have even figured out how to run code IN OTHER GAMES by abusing pokemon's memory)

back to the digital circus. what if it's storing its memory somewhere out in the void? what if there's a whole "glitch city" out there that's simply garbage data from the circus?

well, what other world is full of nonsensical, well...EVERYTHING?

strange, once lively adventures left to collect dust in the game's memory. maze-like hallways and other inexplicable maps. some fully complete and populated while others sit unfinished

to put it simply: in this AU ena's world is the circus' memory dump!

i'd like to think caine is aware of this, but doesn't let the humans know as it's 1, not very safe due to being even more buggy than the circus, and 2, would probably drive them mad.

(something i realized while typing this out, its kinda funny that mannequins are NPCs in both worlds lol, wonder if caine just pulls em from here when he needs em)

i could even go further! like what the hell is an ena and why do npcs seem to not like them? whats their purpose?

well...what if they weren't meant to exist at all?

what if, while the game's ai was trying to learn, it tried to pull data from the humans to try to properly reproduce how they behave? but since new humans are almost always distressed...well, these smaller test runs are incredibly unstable. they achieve emotion, something even caine struggles with! but it's too much to bear, becoming an vulnerability in the code. enas are troublemakers. they break the game by simply existing.

so thats my silly little au with extremely niche usage :]

idk maybe i'll do something with it someday

[sophieinwonderland]

hey im endo neutral before you go off on one, but just came in here to say triggering people's psychosis is cringe and fail, so is triggering abandonment/attachment issues, so is going against a group of highly traumatised indivoduals (cause lets face it thats exactly what you did, regardless of whether they accept you or not or whether you think theyre "bigoted" or not) and ALSO you really do not give pro endos a good look and maybe you should like reevaluate what you post or think for more than like three seconds before hitting post (literally anyone could have seen how that post would be incredibly triggering). i look through your blog every once in a while to look at all the papers you post and all your arguments cause i like having a nuanced view and i understand it feels shitty for people to not believe in an integral part of you - i have the same thing when it comes to my religion but i dont fucking go around telling non believers im gonna take everything they love away from them because im not an asshole? have a day <3

I'm just curious... is there a group actively identifying as anti-[your religion]?

Do you have to regularly deal with non-believers coming into your religious spaces just to tell you that your religion isn't real and that you're faking your religious experiences?

How many times have you been told to kill yourself because of your religion?

When was the last time you saw someone say cyberbullying needed to be brought back specifically to bully people with your religion?

When you introduce people to your religion, are the non-believers accusing you of "grooming" them?

Do you want to know something? I don't actually care if people believe in me or not. That vast majority of people don't know that tulpas exist because it's still pretty niche.

That's fine. They can be taught later.

Other people people are aware of bits and pieces but don't get involved and don't believe either. They have their beliefs and keep those to themselves. I can respect that.

These people aren't anti-endos.

But then you have a hate group who have made it part of their identity to spread constant hate and disinformation about us. These are not simply "non-believers." This a group that is united solely by their hatred of us.

And this is probably more controversial in the pro-endo community, but I don’t even mind the "endogenics are all traumagenics in denial" people, in theory. As long as they're respectful and aren't actively spreading hate or standing with those who do.

I say in theory though because practically every one I've actually encountered is still gatekeeping space and resources. And that somehow makes it even worse to me because while disbelieving in endogenic plurality is ignorant, even if willfully ignorant, believing we're confused trauma survivors in denial and still treating us like shit and gatekeeping terms means they're just knowingly hurting other trauma survivors.

Don't you dare try to frame this as me simply going after people for not believing me.

[zoozvie]

Sending 2 for the self ship ask game 💞 Levi or Kenma or both

G & Q

Hi... I don't talk about self-ship much, in this way at least, and honestly I'm not sure exactly how to "do" it? Is there a right way? So give me some grace with this off-the-top-of-the-head thinking. Thank you for asking💞

Levi and Kenma are the only characters I would genuinely ship with myself. But there are always creative liberties for fictional situations so I'm sorry if they're not like their canon selves to a T.

I am having a hard time answering these specific questions for Levi, so I’m just going to do Kenma.

G - Greetings what was their first meeting like?

If I was shipped with Kenma, we probably met in college. I imagine we had some gen classes together but didn’t follow the same major. He was probably either dragged around or waiting for Kuroo to get done with his bio class so they could go to the quad together. I happened to be talking to Kuroo as we walked out the door on a project we needed to do, and/or exchanging notes. << remembering Kuroo is a year older than Kenma so sure, I took advanced Bio, why not? I'm trying to get into medicine.

Kuroo’s that extroverted friend where if kuroken is hanging out at a coffee shop or the library, he’d call me over to chat when he sees I’m there too. It probably took a while before Kenma and I had some icebreakers to talk amongst ourselves, but we found our shared interests and would chat quietly next to each other. Eventually greeting each other even when our other friends weren’t around and probably exchanged numbers for pragmatic reasons.

Q - Quiver what’s something they do that makes the other flustered?

If I was shipped with Kenma, I would have been a goner since I first saw him. Long hair, small but athletic, aloof and cat-like, crazy smart and passionate about niche things? I would think he’s incredibly cute.

Before and after we got together I can imagine him being a little put off or embarrassed at me staring at him. I'm a watcher, in every situation and sometimes I don't realize that someone is aware that I'm there looking right at them, just trying to take in as much information around me, so I try to be aware of myself and my body at all times. (if someone does something embarrassing in front of me chances are I 100% saw it but will play it off so hard that I didn't). However, if I'm hanging out with kuroken or just Kenma, and his head is down-focused on his game, I'd definitely get lost in appreciating how pretty he looks and end up staring for way too long. He'd probably freeze up and get anxious, and I would then become super flustered that it was so obvious I liked him. Both of us would kill Kuroo if he said a word about it.

Kenma could make me flustered by remembering small things I like or care about. We don't have to combine all our interests but I think it'd be really sweet for him to be able to chime in, imagine Kuroo, Hinata, or our friends deciding on what to win at the arcade to give me for my birthday, and Kenma's like, "oh, Vivi likes this character from (franchise), so good luck with that." it's one of the hardest prizes to win but Kenma's already bought me slippers and new tea I haven't tried yet so he's just there to watch these losers suck at arcade games.

This was fun! Send me some more asks with these self-ship prompts!

[tea-and-secrets]

i'd like to preface this by saying i'm entirely aware this is completely insane, creepy, unhinged, and wrong.

about a year ago i became utterly obsessed with the creator of a very niche webseries from 2012, and he seemed to have just completely dropped the face of the earth about a decade ago. i've gone through page after page after page of his blog on here, i've chased down every single twitter and facebook account i could find that had any tangential relation to him, and i've even gone so far as to scour multiple of those 'find birth certificates/phone numbers/etc of a person with just their name!' websites. his full name was public info, the state he lived in at the time was public info, and he has a very, very unique name, so in theory, it should be incredibly easy to find him. but i could not find fucking ANYTHING. every social media account was inactive, without any sort of goodbye message. no results on the find a person websites. any associates of his i could find were also inactive on all social media. the closest thing i could find is a letterboxd account that MAY belong to him.

i stopped doing this a while ago but i just needed to get this off my chest; i've never told anyone about any of this. i wish i hadn't done it, it's none of my business and this guy probably doesn't want to be found, but i was so fascinated by how someone could seemingly just... disappear into thin air like that. it was strange, and i guess i just let my morbid intrigue get the best of me.

.

[snootlestheangel]

COD AU Ideas

Yup, just a big list of AU ideas I've had rattlin' around in the ole brain. I may not ever get around to doing something with most of these. Some might be very thought out and others a simple sentence of a concept. These are all my concepts, so have the expectation that these will eventually become my fics.

I'm unsure right now if any of these will turn into actual works, cause goodness knows I already have too much on my plate right now, BUT for the most part, what I put here is/will be what to expect if I actually do something with them. In other words, these will serve as "fic descriptions" but just for fics that may never come to be.

The first one I didn't include a "fic" description just cause it's such a niche AU and I really want to inspire others to write their own stuff for it. So please let me know if you want my idea for the work!

Anyways, here's some brain rot!

Prison Break AU

SoapGhost AU where they're both in prison and plan an escape together. Based simply on the idea of "We escaped prison together, and oops we fell in love along the way". SO MUCH angst potential, so much comedy potential, so much potential!!!!

I'll definitely do something with it one day, but we don't have any of these bad boys (that I'm aware of) so please ask me/tag me if you want to write a Prison Break/Prison AU of our boys!!! Like, a Prison AU is a phenomenal idea why have I not heard of anything like this existing already???

Cryptid Hunters AU

AU in which Task Force 141 is actually an entire section of the modern military dedicated to controlling/monitoring the cryptid/monster populations of the world. Sometimes this means killing really rare/dangerous ones. Would contain PriceNik (subject to change into including Graves), SoapGhost, GazAlex.

It's the 141 boys just hunting cryptids with the help of Shadow Company (the North American version), Kate Laswell, and a few others. *honestly not my favorite AU, most likely to be forgotten about*

Cryptid Hunters AU but a bit to the left

Same concept as before but Ghost is a cryptid himself. Ghost still acts like a normal dude, and is a part of the 141 because they're actually super helpful for him, as a powerful cryptid-most-likely-ancient-deity. Helpful because they remove competition/keep most cryptids under check. But not helpful cause they stress him out, they want to find The Ghost and put "it" down cause it's apparently super dangerous.

He's a modern cryptid, meaning stories about his cryptid-self are recent (last like 20 years), which makes him that much more terrifying. He's actually one of the most notorious English cryptids; known for his abilities to phase in and out of shadows, creating pillars of solidified black sand, changing his size from massive to incredibly small, and causing incredibly vivid hallucinations of deceased loved ones. He earned the name Ghost cause of those hallucinations and how he often appears like the ghost of a person long deceased. Cue SoapGhost happening and lots of angst potential with that. Also so much comedy cause they're all like "Damn Ghost was spotted again" and he has to act surprised by what they find when they investigate the area. Soap openly defending the entity of Ghost by saying that he's "never killed anyone! 'Sides we should study him and learn about him! He's probably the only one of his kind, ya know!" Ghost falling in love with the strange little human that looks in awe at the massive structures Ghost makes with his crystalized black sand. Ghost intentionally making them more intricate as time goes on, letting himself get spotted in his full "demonic" form cause the excitement and borderline insane curiosity on Soap's face is always worth it. Now this?? This is good shit that I really want to write now

Soap is a Healer AU

Can't think of a good concise thing to call this AU so lemme explain! Soap who is part of a small percentage of people that possess unique abilities. Their designed to "heal souls" so to speak. People with lots of baggage in their lives often seek out the comfort of these "healers" because they can genuinely help them "heal" from all of this. Part of this means helping them move on from the loss of loved ones, like friends and family, or even pets. This means they can see ghosts of people that someone is still attached to. It's not the ghosts being attached to the people, it's the living not wanting to/struggling to move on. Healers can interact with a person's ghost(s) and vice versa, which is often how they help people move on.

Make it SoapGhost though where "Healers" shouldn't be in the military. There's been too many that have gone insane themselves from all the pain and misery they see/feel/experience on a daily basis. Even if they never see a battlefield, they're constantly surrounded by those who have and it's a miserable experience. Healers in these positions often take their own lives because "they couldn't save everyone" and it eventually became incredibly difficult for a Healer to get to where Soap is. But Soap's identity as a Healer is known by like maybe 3 people, Price not included. And he's not got the true "Healer" personality: he's not quite as empathetic and self-sacrificing as people like his mum, so he's doing just fine where he is.

Then he meets Ghost and suddenly all that changes. He suddenly meets someone he knows he needs to "heal" because damn. He sees the Riley family: Ghost's mum, Tommy and Beth, Joseph, and even Roach. Soap slowly winning Ghost over with the help of the Riley family. Soap slowly helping Ghost move on, helping to convince Ghost that Roach is gone, it's okay to love someone else, Ghost realizing Soap is "Healer" and getting upset that he's just "using" Ghost or whatever the fuck, Soap having to convince him that he fell in love with him, not that he's trying to heal him because it's what Soap is, but because he loves him. Soap saying he fell in love when he realized how many years had passed since the Riley family's passing, how unusual it is for people to have such strong "ghosts" after more than 5 years, saying he fell in love because it means Ghost is such a deeply caring, loving person. He fell in love because often times the "ghosts" in a person's life just continue on like nothing happened, and seeing the way they love Simon, seeing the way little Joseph just adores his uncle, everything about Simon Riley made Soap fall in love.

Undercover AU

This one's a GazAlex AU actually!

Literally what it sounds like. The two have to work together as an undercover duo, often times pretending to be a couple, as they help track down a big bad. Lot of flustered Alex caused by Gaz simply ~existing~. So many cliche tropes in this bad boy. The "there was only one bed", the "make out in an alley to avoid getting caught", the "pretending to be married".

Just a lot of Gaz being the coolest, most badass mf-er to exist and Alex trying desperately to keep things "professional" between them and failing miserably. Gaz being confident and using it to make Alex even more flustered cause "heh, he's kinda cute when he's all red and embarrassed". Gaz knowing full well the crisis he's giving Alex like 90% of the time, but not pushing Alex out of his comfort zone cause it's clear Alex likes him but doesn't want to compromise anything about their mission.

So much silly goofy potential with this, but also like some genuine good shit. Also Laswell and Price being older, "wiser" gays just laughing at the two dancing around each other.

Definitely going to be a fic once I finish one of my current WIPs. This either means posting all the YouTuber AU drabbles I have in my drafts or the last 4 chapters of my Left4Dead AU. Probably the latter...

Anyways, feel free to ask questions about these AUs! I'd love to get an excuse to share more of my brain rot!