#this is legit the longest thing i’ve ever written

[gimmehyuck]

shoganai | n.yt

summary. (n.) something that cannot be helped, being unable to change or alter a situation.

or alternatively:

when you are sent up the mountain to be a sacrifice for the “greater good”, you knew you’d be falling to your death. you were wrong.

pairing. demon!yuta x human!reader feat. shapeshifter!jungwoo

words. 21.7k (i lost my damn mind writing this, oof)

genre. supernatural romance with bits of humor? i wanted to do this for halloween but it isn’t necessarily spooky so

warnings. blood, death (no major characters dw), one (1) suggestive scene, did i mention blood???, reader gaslights yuta at one point but it’s not srs, jungwoo is a cutie, yuta is a lil grumpy at first, technically slight religious themes?? he’s a demon idk

p.s. happy halloween, stay safe everyone :)

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“you look beautiful,” your aunt purred to you as she admired your elegant hair she was working on. you didn’t respond vocally, only with a curt nod that you didn’t quite feel. staring at yourself, you couldn’t disagree. you had been staring at your reflection the entire day as she worked over you. your hair pinned perfectly into place with shiny jewels and pearls, and on any other day, you’d have been happy to be the object of such effort.

but not today.

your aunt seemed almost perturbed that you didn’t speak to her, but you didn’t feel the need to. you knew what today was, and you knew no amount of kicking, screaming, or arguing could change what was going to happen. you had already tried, countless times in the weeks leading up to that moment. and now that the day had finally come, you were left with nothing to feel except numbness.

your aunt had refused to meet your eyes the entire day, the one moment she had was by mistake through the mirror, causing her to quickly cover her small smirk with a mockingly sad frown. she even let slip a few tears, and you were impressed with her level of commitment to the act.

you were so detached from the situation that you hadn’t really, truly processed anything. you refused to look at anything else but your eyes in the mirror after that, as she went back to glittering you up as if you were a doll, humming as she did so.

as if you weren’t family to her.

maybe she never truly accepted you as such, maybe she really was happy to do this – her ego boosting tenfold as the one to be chosen to offer you up. finally finishing up with your hair, she placed both hands on your shoulders and leaned over one to smile at you in the mirror.

“come on, dear, let’s not dawdle any longer,” the tight grip on your shoulder unrelenting as she tugged you up. it felt out of body, the walk through the front door.

the sun didn’t feel warm on your face, the coolness of the day not reaching you either. the people of the town were all standing outside the front door, lined up in two lines like an aisle, the only person standing in the middle was the town mayor, who would be escorting you the entire way.

the people were cheering, and you were disgusted at how they were so damn happy. giving you flowers as you passed, falling to their knees in thanks to you, grabbing your hand as you passed. you found it grating, your aunt on the other hand soaking up the glory of the moment, but you still felt nothing.

they were thanking you for walking to your death, after all.

you didn’t believe anything really lived in the mountain that protected the people at the base of it, you only believed the people to be overly superstitious and you always scoffed when discussing the tradition in school. but boys in your school swore that they heard things in the mountains on silent nights and you never listened to their ghost stories, either.

you didn’t believe anything really lived in the mountain that protected the people at the base of it, you only believed the people to be overly superstitious and you always scoffed when discussing the tradition in school. but boys in your school swore that they heard things in the mountains on silent nights and you never listened to their ghost stories, either.

you didn’t believe anything really lived in the mountain that protected the people at the base of it, you only believed the people to be overly superstitious and you always scoffed when discussing the tradition in school. but boys in your school swore that they heard things in the mountains on silent nights and you never listened to their ghost stories, either.

you hated it but never thought you’d be here in this position, you were an orphan living with your aunt after your parents had passed and according to the law of the land, only parents could offer up their daughters.

you thought you were safe.

you never thought your aunt’s ambition to climb the social ladder would be this devious, and so you thought nothing of it when your aunt summoned you to the dining room that dreaded night.

“yes?” you responded as you sat across from her, your uncle, and your cousin at the wooden table.

“we have wonderful, wonderful news! news that i never thought we’d receive.” she was giddy, absolutely ecstatic to be giving you this information, but the looks on the other two at the table told you this wouldn’t actually be good news. you opened your mouth to ask, but she kept going, not letting you get the first syllable out.

“we’ve been chosen! isn’t that fantastic?” and your jaw dropped, eyes instantly darting over to your cousin who sat with her eyes trained on her hands that sat on the table.

“mina, oh my god, i’m so sorry,” you had genuine sadness for her sake, reaching across to take one of her hands in yours and she looked up with tears in her eyes. she only shook her head at you and pulled her hand from yours.

a line forming in between your brows at that, and you looked to your uncle for understanding but he was staring at something over your shoulder, refusing to meet your eyes. that left the only other person at the table, and her grin was wide as she reveled in your confusion.

“it’s not our mina, dear. you have been chosen. it’s an honor, wouldn’t you agree?” and you stood up quickly at that, sending the chair clattering to the floor behind you.

“that’s not possible, that’s against the law.” you argued, fear racing through your veins at this.

and your aunt’s grin turned evil in an instant.

“oh, but it’s already been read. and you know once it’s been read, it’s law. there’s no changing the decision.” your fear left you frozen in place, and your cousin left the table, too upset on your behalf to be around you anymore.

“you can’t do this…” you started to say but the simper your aunt was giving you made your sentence die in your throat.

“come now, y/n. let’s set the table for dinner,” your aunt said as if she hadn’t told you that you only had weeks left to live. at home in the following weeks, she had been the nicest to you in all the years she had been caring for you. once she walked out the front door though, she toned her smile back and made it appear more somber.

like the one she had given you in the mirror, and she walked with you down the makeshift aisle with her hand on your back. the people lined up like this until the edge of town, where the trodden dirt met the forest. a lone trail winding through the woods, the darkness of the forest making you lose sight of the pathway ahead, but you knew it would lead to a spot a good portion up the mountain.

the last two people, the two that stood closest to the trail were your cousin and uncle. your uncle gave you a solemn nod and then mina was suddenly throwing her arms around your neck. she held you tightly, and she cried into your neck. it was funny how she was crying for you, when you didn’t have it in you to do it for yourself.

“i’m so sorry, it should have been me and, please y/n… please forgive us, forgive me.” she sobbed in your ear and you, you, consoled her by wrapping your arms around her in a parting embrace. mina was ripped away from you, your aunt’s face turning red with rage at the sight.

“pull yourself together, you’re embarrassing me!” she hissed, her hands gripping both you and your cousins tight enough to hurt. your cousin looking at you with watery eyes and she stepped back into her place in line. it was tradition that they stay in their lines until you, the town mayor, and one family member had disappeared into the woods.

your aunt trying to prevent another embarrassment, quickly nodded to the mayor and he held up the bright lamp that would be your source of light through the woods – and she ever so roughly pushed you forward.

no time to waste, you sarcastically mused. the first step into the forest felt like taking step to the gallows.

you supposed it was all the same.

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the climb was exhausting, but you were in awe of how the clearing looked. the mouth of the cave seemed almost inviting and the flowers that grew in random patches danced in the breeze.

the mayor walked forward until the edge where the grass kissed the stone and he turned to you expectantly. you didn’t fight the expected push of your aunt, stepping in line with the mayor. he opened his book, the book where you would sign your name under the previous woman chosen before you.

you ignored him as he gave his spiel of how you should be honored to be chosen, how your sacrifice would be spoken of for years to come. how your loss of life would be keeping theirs safe.

you couldn’t help the laugh that escaped your throat, the sound coming out faster that you could have stopped it. the sound fully offending the mayor, and enraging your quick-tempered aunt. the pen was thrust in your face for you to take, the mayor frowning disappointedly at you – as if your lack of pride for what you were about to do was a blow to him. he opened the book, and you signed it fluidly.

you couldn’t help but throw the pen back at him – a last act of defiance – and he fumbled for a moment trying to catch it, and your aunt barked your name.

for the thousandth time that day, she gripped your elbow tight enough to cause pain and she dragged you to the mouth of the cave and you stumbled forward. staring into the entrance of the cave, you hesitated, you looked down and just as described, there was the drop – the darkness seemed alive, consuming all light hungrily.

this was it.

you turned around, to say something. anything at all.

but the words were caught behind your teeth. your aunt stood there smugness radiating from her, and she gathered you in her arms in a hug – but she was using the moment to disguise how she wanted to whisper in your ear.

“do tell your mother i said hello, won’t you?” she crooned in your ear and then leaned away from you, not wanting to miss the way your mouth fell open, before she shoved you forward for the last time.

you didn’t even scream as you fell, you just closed your eyes. the drop whipped your hair around your face, and you felt some of the ornaments in your hair coming loose and it made you smile.

you weren’t sure why but something told you to open your eyes, and you saw the moment you went from inky blackness to daylight again, as if you simply fell through clouds. this made your brain jump into overdrive trying to understand how that could be, and then you came to a sudden halt mid-fall and you couldn’t stop the woosh that left your lungs at the impact.

inhaling sharply trying to refill your lungs, you looked up at the shadow of what had stopped your fall and an overly bored face came into focus. he was handsome and you couldn’t deny that, something in the way his dark hair was long enough to curl around his face in a way that framed his dark eyes.

“the hell?” you shrieked, your face the definition of confused.

“mouthy,” he grunted. “i don’t like that.”  and in the next moment he dropped you in a heap on the ground. he dusted his hands and turned around to walk away from you.

okay, scratch handsome, he was a dick.

you stumbled to your feet, whipping your head around to take in the sight before you. the “sky” was blue, and there was sunshine but no sun or source to be seen. a waterfall flowed across the distance into a stream that cut across the clearing, and you were thoroughly stunned at the serenity of the scene.

you jogged to catch up to the man that caught you and you stood in front of him, blocking his path. his eyes which were focused on his destination slowly dragged down to look you in the eyes, utterly unamused. he quirked his eyebrow at you expectantly.

“what is this place?” you demanded an answer, sweeping your arms at the place that definitely shouldn’t exist.

“a mountain,” he deadpanned and made to step around you but you moved again to block his path.

“how is all of this possible? i must have fallen over a hundred feet, and there’s daylight.” you were trying desperately understand. he sighed as if he were quickly running out of patience with you.

“magic,” was his curt response, and another move to go around you was made.

“i-.” you opened your mouth, and closed it. taking a deep breath, you stepped once more in his path and he growled, the sound coming deep from his chest. his lips downturned and he crossed his arms.

“what do you want now?” he hissed at you.

“what’s your name?” you asked, matching his stance and crossing your arms.

“yuta. is that all, human?” you shook your head.

“who are you?” you pressed. and yuta moved to step closer to you, bending down just enough to be eye level with you.

his presence taking over your personal space.

“the demon you were just sacrificed to.” you audibly gulped at that and your eyes flew wide, the numbness you had felt before nowhere in sight now when you needed it the most.

“wh-what are you… going to do now?” you asked quietly gripping the fabric of your dress’s sleeve, and the fear didn’t go unnoticed by him. he could smell it all around you.

human emotions were so predictable, and he smirked at that.

“eat you,” you stumbled back a step, staring at his mouth as if you’d see fangs suddenly appear and he chuckled dryly before standing upright again. “that is… if you don’t leave me alone.”

he stepped around you and this time you didn’t step in front of him. you watched him walk into an opening, a door of sorts in the stone wall. once he was out of sight you let out the shaky breath you were holding and tried to run your fingers through your hair but when your fingers snagged on all the baubles still pinned in place in your hair you finally let yourself get upset.

you’d allow it for a moment.

holding back tears you’ve been repressing for weeks, you angrily tore the clips and pins out of your hair. you didn’t care that they were ripping out hairs in the process and you didn’t even flinch at the pricks of pain to your scalp. gathering them all in your hand you angrily threw them one at a time, yelling out a cuss word with every one you chunked across the clearing.

you ran out of cuss words before you did pins, and ran through them once more before you were done and you were breathing heavily, wiping your face of the few tears that snuck their way out of your eyes in the process. you flopped down on the grass, staring in the distance when a voice from behind you made you jump.

“feel better now?” you whipped your head to face the sound only to find yourself inches from the pink nose of a golden retriever. you crawled backwards on your hands away a foot, completely mute in shock. and then the reasoning caught up with you with a vocal ‘ahhh’, and you relaxed.

“i’m not going insane, i’m just dead,” you said aloud to the dog, and he tilted his head slightly. “i’m dead and this is the afterlife and the afterlife comes with an asshole of a man and a talking dog. that’s fine. i can live with that. yep. this all makes sense now.” you were rambling at that point but like you discovered, you were dead.

it didn’t matter.

you reached over and scratched the dog behind the ear. “at least i have a cute dog to keep me company, don’t i? do you have a name?”

“my name is jungwoo,” the dog answered, his tail wagging and you stalled again for a moment. a talking dog would take some getting used to.

“hello jungwoo, i’m y/n.” you stated and continued to scratch behind his ears, a small smile making it’s way to your lips.

the voice of the man – yuta – from earlier called to you from the opening where he had disappeared to before.

“you’re not dead, and jungwoo is not a dog.” he said, voice as gravelly as before. he was leaning against the opening, arms crossed again.

“yes i am… or i’ve gone insane, and,” you pointed at jungwoo, and raised your eyebrows at the demon. “he looks like a dog to me. besides, i thought you said for me to leave you alone, so why are you here?”

yuta pinched the bridge of his nose as if your voice alone gave him a headache and sighed heavily.

“you’re noisy. now jungwoo, stop being an affection whore.”

the answering whine that came from the dogs throat, and the pouty stomp from his back paw was somehow cute and he responded with, “but yutaaaa, you never cuddle or pet me, and she’s doing it without me even asking!”

yuta’s answering cocked eyebrow made jungwoo huff, grumbling something under his breath you couldn’t quite hear. yuta’s snort made you aware that he had, at least.

then jungwoo morphed right in front of your eyes and where the dog was a moment before, sat a man that wore the exact same smile as he had when he was a dog.

“aw,” you sang to him. “you’re just as cute as a human, jungwoo.” and jungwoo laughed happily, and turned to yuta to stick his tongue out childishly.

“she also thinks she’s insane.”

jungwoo turned his head to you, as if that had offended him and you shrugged in answer. you did think you were insane and jungwoo leaned over to pinch you on your side sharply.

“what the hell, jungwoo?” you yelped while rubbing at the area.

“see? you’re not dead. and you’re not insane. you were just sacrificed and your brain is trying to come up with a reason to make it make sense.” at the reminder of your day, you drew your knees to your chest and rested your chin on them. you looked past jungwoo and made eye contact with yuta.

“if you’re going to eat me, can you go ahead and get it over with?” you said lowly, the fight and defiance leaving you, and in between one blink and the next, yuta was crouching in front of you. his elbows on his knees, his head tilted slightly but that’s not what you stared at.

the whites of his eyes were gone, as were his dark brown irises. instead, his eyes were endlessly black, no other color present and you were utterly entranced by the depths of them.

“are you asking me to kill you?” he said, his usual gruff tone turning a little teasing.

“yuta!” jungwoo scolded. “you know you’re not going to eat her, now stop trying to scare her.”

yuta ignored his only friend down in the mountain and continued to stare into your eyes; it was as if he was looking through them into the heart of you, as if he were rummaging around trying to find your soul and you couldn’t blink even if you wanted to.

“interesting,” he murmured and blinked, finally releasing you from the trance and you blinked rapidly. the feeling of what transpired making you feel somehow emptier, and you rubbed at your chest to soothe the hollow feeling and furrowed your eyebrows in anger.

“never,” you ground out, “do that again.” the fire in which you spat the words actually shocked yuta, and you saw in your peripheral vision that jungwoo was following the conversation, head turning side to side almost comically.

“you felt that?” he asked curiously and you nodded.

“interesting,” he repeated as he stood upright. “definitely interesting.”

yuta turned and walked away again, this time seemingly distracted and jungwoo stood too, extending his hand to help you up. you dusted yourself off, and looked at him expectantly.

“come on, i’ll show you around.”

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the cave seemed to be endless, but you discovered the light seemed to be localized to a small radius. various corridors and halls were carved out to be like a giant maze.

“but most of them will lead you right back here.” jungwoo was saying when you seemed alarmed by that fact. you hadn’t seen yuta in a few hours since jungwoo began his tour, and he ended the tour in the kitchen.

“i’m starving,” he complained as he rummaged in the cabinets for something to eat.

“demons need to eat?” you asked, curious. jungwoo mentioning earlier that yuta wouldn’t eat you, and you had been pondering over that ever since. “demons don’t need to eat, but they can. i’m not a demon though,” he said peeking around the open cabinet door to look at you. “i’m a shape-shifter.”

he finally found what snack he was looking and began munching, offering some of it to you which you took cautiously. you nibbled it at first, and when the flavor wasn’t terrible you fully bit into it.

“yuta’s a pretty good cook, huh?” he smiled at you across the island that stood in the middle of the kitchen.

“yuta made this?” surprise evident in your voice.

“shocked that i can?” yuta’s voice came from behind you, and you whipped around clutching your racing heart.

“stop doing that!” you hissed.

“i’ve been trapped here for a century, i’ve gotten good at a lot of things.” he said nonchalantly, and you noticed he seemed to enjoy leaning against walls.

you also noticed it was kind of attractive, and then you mentally slapped yourself.

“plus this place really is magic, it kind of always gives us what we need… which is funny considering it’s cursed…” jungwoo mused from behind you in between munches.

“don’t talk with your mouth full,” yuta grumbled at jungwoo, and then turned his attention to you.

“i came to ask you something,” and you nodded. you didn’t suppose you had anything to hide from the demon.

“why are you here?” the question was rude, but the way he said it made it come off as genuine curiosity.

“i was… chosen,” you chewed on the word like it was sour. “to be the sacrifice to appease whatever lives in the mountain, so… you.”

“yes, i know that much. i’m asking why you’re here now though, when no one has fallen in thirty years. i sent jungwoo ages ago to demand the towns to stop throwing random women into my home.” and your jaw dropped at that knowledge, your mind reeling.

“what?” you whispered, eyes searching for the lie in yuta’s face and it was set in a straight line.

“i have no reason to lie to you, human.” as if he read your mind, but you didn’t dwell on that. you were too focused on the news… because this was… impossible, wasn’t it? you gripped the counter tightly to steady you as you lost focus, mind reeling as it bounced from thought to thought.

it had been taught to you in school, every girl was always mentally prepared to possibly be offered up like a pig to the slaughter. they tried to disillusion every girl that it would be an honor, and of course it never worked. but this was unnecessary? you didn’t need to be thrown to your death…

had your aunt known the entire time? could she have been so evil? her last words coming to the front of your mind that you hadn’t had time to fully process yet.

‘do tell your mother i said hello, won’t you?’ and you couldn’t… you couldn’t breathe now. certainly she hadn’t meant it in that way, she couldn’t have… but the smile she gave you, the evil twist of her lips told you what you already knew.

something was pulling you from your thoughts and you lethargically realized you were being shaken, being pulled fully back to the present to focus with jungwoo’s concerned face taking up the majority of your vision.

“you need to breathe slowly, okay?” he commanded you gently.

you realized your breathing had become as erratic as your heartbeat, and even though you were actively trying to, you couldn’t calm down and it only made your breathing come in shorter and your eyes filled with more and more panic.

yuta gently pushed jungwoo aside and he was the only thing you could see now, your only point of focus and you let that tether you, let him be your anchor. his dark hair, his slight frown, and his once again somehow beautiful black eyes took up your space, and then slowly as if to not spook you or make you panic further, he brought his hand up to rest on your forehead, slowly moving it down to cover your eyes and they fluttered closed.

the sensation was immediate, gentle calm traveled from the crown of your head to the soles of your feet in soft waves until you could feel your heart beat become steady again. yuta removed his hand from your eyes, and his eyes were back to his normal brown. you thought you saw a flash of concern on his face but it was gone in a moment and you were sure you imagined it.

“thank you,” you whispered, eyes fixated on his now that he was this close. you found them pretty, actually. yuta stepped away from your personal space at that, at the vulnerability he saw there.

“humans are strange creatures, losing control of themselves like that.” he said coarsely.

you bristled at the insult and you opened your mouth to retort, to take back your thanks but jungwoo jumped in between you two.

“yuta don’t be an ass,” he said to the other man who only snorted before turning to you. “are you okay?”

“i’m…” you hesitated, then decided on the truth. “i think i just realized that my aunt tried to kill me with this… and i think… i think she may have killed my mom too.” both of the men stood stunned in shock, one far more expressive than the other. when they didn’t respond, you carried on.

“we… we were never told that we didn’t have to send someone up here. we never got word of that… and… my aunt – see, where i’m from, this whole thing is treated as this huge thing, something to be proud of. we’re doing our part in helping the people, we’re a hero, and the family that offers up the sacrifice is heavily compensated.”

“that’s… wow. horrible, especially since we never really asked for people to be tossed down here in the first place, there’s no way back out and it’s – wait, why do you think she killed your mom?” jungwoo questioned, tilting his head the way that he did as a dog.

“just… something she said to me before shoving me over the edge,” you said softly. jungwoo took that as you not ready to fully talk about it yet and accepting that as that.

“can i ask you something, then?” your question was directed at yuta, and his sole focus being on you was answer enough to go on.

“what happened to the other girls before you told them to stop sending them?” and that question finally evoked a strong emotion from yuta, you couldn’t tell if it was rage or sadness, or an even mix of both.

“they died,” was his short answer before he stormed out of the room.

died.

not killed.

not eaten.

you turned to jungwoo and his face showed just the sadness.

“he’s not heartless, he’s actually the opposite i swear. it’s just, he’s just… he feels guilty, i think.” his voice was solemn, feeling the need to defend his best friend, his eyes giving that of a kicked puppy.

“what do you mean?” jungwoo’s face turned somewhat pensive at your question.

“y/n, i need you to fully understand. there are parts of this mountain, alleys and corridors that you must stay away from. we’re… we’re not the only things living down here. and it would always either take them, or they would be thrown from the depths completely empty. a shell of what they were, something out of nightmares. so it’s not off-limits in the sense that you’re not allowed, it’s off-limits in the sense that once you’re too far deep, we can’t guarantee that we can get you back. we’ve never been able to before.” his warning was grave, and you took it seriously as you nodded. jungwoo continued, “that’s why he feels guilty, and seems a bit grumpy. he would try to keep them safe, and he failed every time. it felt like he lost a friend over and over. finally, he gave up altogether.” your heart ached in understanding for him, for them both.

and as you sat for a moment while you absorbed the information, jungwoo watched you. he was all too aware of the fact that yuta hadn’t gone very far as he explained things to you. jungwoo had been waiting for years for an excuse to say these words in a way that yuta could hear, he knew this had been eating him alive over time. yuta was a demon, yes, but jungwoo knew he was far from heartless like so many assumed of the damned.

“he can’t blame himself for their deaths if they didn’t die by his hand,” you thought aloud. and jungwoo was surprised at your response.

“i say the same thing,” he replied.

“but… why were we suggested to be tossed down here anyway?” the question arose and jungwoo shrugged at that.

“i don’t remember us ever asking for that, i think it had something to do with the curse but i’m not sure. there are some things that i still don’t know…” you didn’t take notice of the slight hesitation in which he gave his answer.

you were lost in thought for a long while at all the information you learned in such a short time, but something yuta said bubbled up to the surface of your mind and you whirled on jungwoo.

“yuta said he sent you out to tell them, so you can leave! why can’t you let me go?” excitement at the idea of possible freedom and his face fell at that.

“the curse only allows me to go so far – and there are different type of shape-shifters. i’m descendant of the ones who can only transform into creatures with four legs. and i’m not… strong enough to become anything bigger than a dog. i’m sorry.” and you shrugged casually.

“that’s okay, it was a long shot.”

jungwoo still looked upset on your behalf and you gently pushed his shoulder. “i’m okay with this, really.”

jungwoo narrowed his eyes at you. “you’re awfully well adjusted to everything… you’re not still thinking you’re insane, are you?”

you laughed and shook your head, then lifting one shoulder slightly, you responded. “i was orphaned as a child; i’ve been alone my entire life; i had three weeks to come to terms with being a snack for some creature. so i guess i just know it could be worse. i could be dead.”

he perked up at that, “that’s some kind of perspective, there.”

jungwoo was somehow happy that you were so fucked up that the company of them was an upgrade from what you were used to.

he just really hoped they could keep you alive.

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a week had passed since you fell, and you hadn’t really seen yuta. a pass here or there but he mostly just nodded or completely ignored your presence and it was starting to bother you. you huffed as much to jungwoo while you laid in the grass – you found that you enjoyed watching the magic clouds come and go, still baffled by how it worked.

“he doesn’t want to get close to you,” jungwoo answered, then he pointed out a cloud that looked a little like a heart, and you smiled, watching as it lost it’s shape moments later.

“was he close to the other girls that he… lost?” you asked.

“he wasn’t… close, per se. but he was friendly, he can be friendly, i promise. none of the girls lasted longer than a few weeks though.” jungwoo shrugged. then turned his head to squint suspiciously his eyes at you. “why? are you wanting to get close to him?” you felt the blood rise to your cheeks, and you sat up.

“that’s… that’s not what i meant! i’m… i mean i’m going to be down here until i grow old and die, he’ll have to stop pretending i exist eventually, right? i was just – i was really just curious, is all.” you stammered, and jungwoo chuckled at your expense.

“it would be a relief if he did though, might get closer to breaking the curse.” and you laughed, imagining the fairytales you were told as a child.

“is the curse broken by the power of friendship or something?” you said a tad sarcastically.

“or something.” yuta’s smooth voice came from your other side and you squeaked in surprise. sighing out in annoyance, you turned to look at him.

“i thought i asked you to stop doing that,” you said, taking in the fact that he appeared laying down, arms behind his head as if he was been there the whole time. maybe he had been, maybe invisibility is another demon thing. you didn’t know how any of this worked.

“no, you demanded i stop. there’s a difference.” he smirked at that, and you were shocked by the change in expression. it wasn’t the sarcastic smirk from before, this was warmer.

playful, even.

remembering that you had to respond, you cleared your throat.

“if i asked you to stop, would you?”

“mmm,” he thought it over for a moment, then turned his head to look at you and simply say, “nope.”

you groaned, rolling your neck back to look upwards, “but why?”

“because jungwoo doesn’t get startled anymore and i think it’s funny.” and jungwoo sighed at the mention of his name.

“it becomes predictable after awhile, trust me.” jungwoo said to you, cutting his eyes at yuta as he remembered the literal years it took for him to stop jumping every time yuta randomly appeared in front of him.

he didn’t mention the years part to you though.

“yeah but at this rate, i’m going to die of a heart attack because of him before whatever lives in the mountain can even get the chance to try to kill me.” you threw your hands up in exasperation and didn’t notice that jungwoo froze, glancing over at yuta to gauge his reaction at the nonchalance of how you spoke about it.

what jungwoo saw made his jaw drop entirely, and you noticed it from the corner of your eye. following his line of sight, you turned to look at yuta and you also froze.

he was smiling, and you felt the traitorous blush rise to your cheeks again because dear god, he was so pretty when he smiled.

“you should smile more often, yuta.” you blurted out before you could stop yourself and still smiling, he hummed.

“i’ll try,” he responded.

you and jungwoo were both pleased with that answer but for entirely different reasons.

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“hey woo?” you asked from the edge of the stream, your legs resting comfortably in the slow moving water. you had been watching him splash around as an otter for forty-five minutes before you couldn���t help but ask the question that you had been curious about. 

his head popped out of the water, and he let the stream carry him down to you. 

“yes?” using his little paws he scurried up your legs to curl himself in your lap. without thinking you brought your hands up to pet him. 

“do you ever wish you could turn into creatures that can fly instead?” 

“mmm,” he thought for a moment. “no, the idea of having a beak freaks me out.”

you snorted a laugh at that, “you’ve never wanted to feel free like that though?”

“i feel freedom differently, like by getting to run fast, or swim.” and you nodded in understanding but then he asked, “why? do you wish you could fly?”

you shrugged, “i think i would like to experience flying - not falling. i’ve already experienced that.”

“well if you wanna see what it’s like, why not ask yuta?” and you balked at that. 

“so yuta can fly and teleport? why do demons get the fun stuff? i want something cool.”

“technically it’s just levitating, i can’t get very high and i definitely can’t do it for very long.” yuta said, standing in a way that had him halfway over your body. his shadow blocking the daylight. you tilted your head back and narrowed your eyes at the man. “and humans do have something cool, it’s called mortality.”

“mortality? oh wow, we can die. how spectacular!” you snarked, rolling your eyes. he placed his hands on either side of your face, squishing your cheeks and effectively silencing you. 

“being able to die is a gift, living forever can drive you to insanity. especially if you’re alone.”

“but you’re not alone anymore,” jungwoo sang from his position in your lap. “you have meee.”

yuta’s answering smile made your heart skip, and you pulled his hands away from your cheeks so you could avoid looking at him and his pretty face, “i have no choice now, do i?”

and you looked at jungwoo just in time to watch his little otter face pout dramatically, and gasp. his little paw came up to his chest and he turned his nose up at yuta. 

“don’t be like that, you know i’m grateful for you.” 

“you could stand to say it more, jerk.”

and you decided to butt in then, “yeah! you jerk!” fully taking jungwoo’s side in this mock argument. 

yuta raised his eyebrow at you, “oh?” he stood fully upright then, the shade he was providing moving away with him. “and here i was… gonna show you what it felt like to fly, but alas…” he trailed off dramatically, slowly walking away. “i’m a jerk.”

and careful to not jostle jungwoo too much, you scrambled to your feet, water sloshing to the bank in your hasty movements to rush towards him a few steps. 

“wait, no! that was all jungwoo, not me!” you pouted dramatically and had to fight off your smile when jungwoo huffed, “now you’re both jerks!”

“that’s not what i heard though,” yuta countered, sauntering back over to you, a smirk on his lips. you didn’t walk towards him as he approached, but you also didn’t move away. he was barely six inches from you now, jungwoo grumbling in your arms at him. 

“really? are you sure? where’s your proof?” 

“you just turned on jungwoo, i’m sure he could be my witness.”

you jerked your head down to make eye contact with the small shape-shifter and your eyes were threatening, “jungwoo definitely didn’t hear anything, did you jungwoo?” his answering squeak, followed by him burying his head into your shirt was all that you needed before lifting your head and throwing your own smirk at yuta. 

“see? no proof.” and yuta couldn’t help the smile even as he sighed.

after long moments, his small smile grew into a wide grin, as if he were keeping a secret from you and you raised your eyebrows at the expression. 

“why are you making that face?” 

his didn’t verbally answer, only making a point to look down, and then back up at you expectantly. you followed his lead and when you looked down you gasped. you didn’t know how you hadn’t noticed, maybe you had been a little too lost in the way his smile lit up his face, but somehow you were not firmly planted on the ground any longer. 

instead, both you and yuta were feet off the ground, high enough that if you fell, it would hurt. 

you felt a little unsteady in your shock and yuta reached forward to take hold of your elbows, your arms still cradling a currently oblivious jungwoo, and he closed the distance between you both. you were now as close to each other as you could get without squishing jungwoo and he was gazing down at you, and even if you could, you didn’t want to break the eye contact. 

“do you feel like you thought you would?” he asked softly, his eyes flickering down to your lips, happy with the excited smile he saw there. you weren’t sure if you were answering the question about feeling free from being airborne, or if you were answering your internal question that you had been asking yourself for days in regards to him. 

“yes,” you whispered, answering both questions with one word. his eyes crinkled, the satisfaction from your answer shining on his face.

you meant it when you said you thought he should smile more, and you couldn’t help that you liked that you had been the cause of it. 

“does what feel like she thought it would?” came jungwoo’s voice from the crook of your arm. he had finally poked his head out to try and see what the conversation was about, and when he realized that you were no longer on the ground he instantly started squirming. 

“let me down, let me down, so help me if you drop me!” he was yelling but his voice was so small in his otter body that it did not intimidate either of you in the least, instead you giggled at him and started the pet him soothingly. 

“if you don’t calm down,” you crooned to him sweetly, “i may drop you on accident.”

the shape-shifter stilled instantly. 

“oh… i think he fainted.” yuta realized after a second, and you had to bite your lip to keep from laughing at the situation.

yuta glanced back down at you and he couldn’t help but think about how lovely you looked when you were content, and that you should smile more often, too.

then realizing his own thoughts, he shoved the thought back down into the box it popped out of.

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the slight personality change in yuta didn’t revert back to what it was before, grumpy and aloof, even though you expected it to. it wasn’t a complete 180 to constant friendship, but you’d take the 90 degrees of change where you could, especially the smiles that came with it.

another week had passed, and you spent most of it with jungwoo. yuta popping up more and more in random times, always making you jump out of your skin. you were thoroughly enjoying the friendship they gave you that you never had before. it made you laugh at the idea that humans never treated you as kindly as a shape-shifter did, and occasionally a demon when he decided to pop up.

your aunt had taken you in, sure, but it wasn’t out of the kindness of her heart and you knew that now. your uncle wasn’t mean to you, but mostly treated you as if you were invisible. mina was the closest thing you could call friend, but you knew it was mostly her guilt that made her act the way she did with you.

you lost both parents by the age of six, your father first and then your mother. you had been young when it happened, but you still remember watching your father fade away from the sickness that made it’s way through the town. and your mother… she had just disappeared. her body found some time later after her disappearance, and you weren’t given proper time to grieve.

at this point, you didn’t think you needed it anymore. twenty-ish years had passed and that was enough to bury everything deep enough that you didn’t see the point in bringing it back up. for your sake, mostly.

it was yuta who made you realize that there actually was a point in it, also for your sake.

you had found a random room to escape to, the random door which had previously been a bathroom was now a room with every sort of hobby you could imagine. books, paint brushes, pencils, you even found a basket of yarn and knitting needles, which had a beginner’s book placed perfectly on top and you, well… you had years. might as well start somewhere, hobbies did tend to pass the time.

sitting cross legged in the oversized velvet chair, you propped the book open in your lap while you fiddled with the yarn and needles.

“you’re doing that wrong,” yuta’s voice came from the across the room and you lifted your head to see him standing in the doorway, his casual stance of holding up the wall as per usual.

“oh, and you’re an expert at knitting, i assume?” you smiled at him, and he crossed the room. pulling the chair next to yours around to face you, he plopped down in the chair.

“i told you, i’ve gotten good at a lot of things.” he said with a wink, before he softly took your hands in his.

you were trying to ignore both the warmth of his hands, and the warmth of your cheeks and failing miserably. his hands went through the motions of the loops you were trying to learn with yours, but you couldn’t even focus on that.

instead, you studied him, the way his hair fell in his face, and the movement of his mouth as he explained where exactly you went wrong. when you didn’t respond to him, he looked up to find you utterly in awe of him, mouth slightly agape.

“you’re not paying attention,” if he was scolding you, it was too gentle to mean anything.

“yes i am,” you argued back, eyes dancing between his.

“then what did i just say?” he retorted smartly, and you searched your brain for the first thing that made sense.

“knit one, purl two,” you rushed out and he laughed, the sound just as captivating as his face.

“not quite, but close enough,” and you shook your head then, fully focusing on his hands that had now stilled with yours in between his.

the realization that you didn’t want him to move his hands from yours struck you, and then you mentally smacked yourself. after an internal struggle you finally tugged your hands from his grasp, and coughed awkwardly.

“um, so it goes like this?” you asked a bit shy now and yuta sat back in his chair, and nodded. he watched you for some time, admiring the way that even though he knew you were distracted by him, you still caught on rather quickly.

then his voice broke the comfortable silence that had settled over you.

“you know if you don’t deal with it eventually, it’ll eat you alive.” it was cryptic and you lifted your head to look at him quizzically.

“i’m sorry?” you asked, and he sat forward again.

“you’ve been here two weeks, and i haven’t seen you cry except for half a second the first day. not saying you need to be emotional, but… i think jungwoo cries more than you.” he played it off as a joke, but you didn’t know how to answer him right away.

“i… i don’t think it’s necessary, i guess.” and you found the needles to be awfully interesting.

“and why not? you lost your parents and you were lied to. your aunt tried to quite literally murder you, and now you’re stuck down here with jungwoo and i for the rest of your short human life, never really being free again. you’ll die down here, instead of getting to live a normal human existence. you’ll never speak to another human again. your aunt is going to get away with –“ he listed off and would have kept going if you hadn’t cut him off with a glare.

“i know all of that!” you snapped, and he leaned back for the second time, crossing his ankle over his knee.

“then why aren’t you upset?”

“because what will that change?” you cried, voice raising slightly. “i’m not getting out of here so what will getting angry or sad do for me now? i can’t go in the past and change anything, i learned that lesson a long time ago, yuta. i can’t bring my parents back, i can’t get answers from my aunt, i can’t get out of this mountain even if i wanted to, so please, tell me! what good will it do me now to dwell on it?”

he didn’t say anything for a long moment, giving you the chance to let it out. you didn’t realize that in between one sentence and the next that you actually had started to cry. the warm tears dripped from your cheeks on to your hands and you brought your hands up to wipe angrily at them, cursing your body for betraying you like this.

“you need to dwell on it so you can let it go. if you don’t, it’ll eat you alive.” he repeated, you knew he was trying to be kind in his own way, to maybe be supportive, but you hadn’t prepared your heart or mind for this today.

so, like a scared and cornered dog, you bit back instead.

“and when are you going to dwell on yours as well, huh?” you said, tears still steadily sliding down your cheeks to now land on the book below. “when are you going to deal with your guilty conscience for all the girls that have died down here, being sacrificed for a curse they had no part of?” and yuta inhaled slowly, closing his eyes.

“i’ll live for a millennia longer than you will, i’ll be sure to deal with it once you’re dead.” the warmth from before was gone, his eyes hard as they glared at you.

the stare down between you two lasted for only a few seconds before he got up from his chair and left the room without a word, the door shutting behind him with a thud that echoed around the room.

in an outburst of anger, you threw the knitting book against the door he had just left through and screamed. you wiped at your tears again and sat back fully in the chair, and sulked for a moment. you let your breathing even out and the realization dawned on you that he was right.

even just dealing with everything for those few moments, allowing yourself to really get angry, to get upset… to feel it.

you needed it.

and now, you blew out a long breath as you ran your fingers through your hair, you also needed to apologize.

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it took two days to finally corner yuta, but you did so in the kitchen. jungwoo had tipped you off that he’d be in there and you didn’t waste any time. you barged into the kitchen and he looked up, surprised to see you in there. you weren’t sure why he seemed shocked by your presence, when he was the one avoiding you.

“what-!” he started, you were sure to probably say something sarcastic to you, the soft moment in the craft room between you - before the anger derailed it - probably long forgotten.

“i’m sorry!” you blurted out, before he could get another word out. “i’m sorry for the way i blew up at you. you didn’t deserve the things that i said to you, that wasn’t fair of me and you were right.”

yuta opened and closed his mouth for a moment, and you felt this was probably the first time in a long time that the demon had been speechless.

“i shouldn’t have pressed,” he finally settled on, and you shook your head.

“you were trying to help me, thank you.”

he shrugged half-heartedly, seemingly embarrassed by what had transpired.

“you were right too,” he finally confessed. “we both seem to have things we need to let go of.”

the smile you shared with each other was all the forgiveness that was needed.

then the moment was effectively ruined when jungwoo appeared right beside you, clapping slowly. his sudden presence making you jump a foot in the air, hand over your heart as it raced and you glared angrily at him. you really needed to get used to this sooner rather than later, for your hearts sake.

“i love to see personal growth, don’t you?” jungwoo remarked happily, and you punched him in the arm at that making him gasp in offense, rubbing where you hit to make the pain fade quicker.

you grumbled at him but he ignored it entirely, throwing an arm around your shoulders, shaking you slightly in his excitement.

“just makes me so proud to see it,” he fake sobbed, and yuta’s face was the definition of unamused. “i feel like a mom, my babies maturing so beautifully.” and at that yuta threw the spoon he was holding at jungwoo’s head, hitting him squarely in the forehead, and jungwoo’s smile fell from his face instantly.

“okay, for that, you’re going to have to make me my favorite now.” and you snorted at the way yuta rolled his eyes.

you were happy to be past this. this is what you could only assume what a family felt like, they… they felt like family.

you could get used to that. perhaps you already had. two weeks in and you knew you wouldn’t willingly give it up.

your inner musings were interrupted when you heard jungwoo calling your name, and you looked up to find him and yuta already staring at you.

“sorry, what?”

“i asked what your favorite things are, because i’ll force yuta to make it for you too.” jungwoo said as he hooked his thumb over his shoulder to point it at said cook.

“hey!” yuta was indignant, he was wanting to make something for himself, not for the entire mountain.

“i don’t really have a favorite, but you can’t go wrong with cookies,” you proposed with a shrug of your shoulders.

“oh, the human wants cookies,” yuta mocked, twisting his face in playful annoyance.

at that you decided to tease him. you walked over to the counter and hopped on top, swinging your legs as you did so.

“i do, in fact, i want five different flavors of cookies. and not even remotely burnt, or i’ll throw a tantrum,” you sang, and yuta turned around to gawk at you. jungwoo coming to lean against the counter beside you, enjoying the banter.

“five?!” yuta exclaimed, and you nodded slowly.

“yup, five.”

“you’ll get one and you’ll like it,” he griped, and you stuck out your bottom lip. the exaggerated expression making jungwoo cover his mouth with his hand to try and muffle his laughs.

“three then?” you argued cutely, and yuta and he rolled his eyes at your antics.

“one.” his lips were drawn in, trying to avoid laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

“but… please…” you gave your best impression of jungwoo’s puppy eyes and yuta caved instantly.

“fine! i’ll make three different kinds of cookies,” he said throwing his hands up, before bringing his finger to point at you. “but only one will be your favorite. the others will be mine and jungwoo’s.”

jungwoo snickered at the tone, and yuta directed his finger to point at jungwoo then.

“and you, will only be getting this and nothing else, don’t get greedy.” jungwoo only nodded, happy with anything that yuta made that fed him. he really wasn’t picky.

he could say with confidence, greed was not his sin.

jungwoo eventually hopped on the counter too, and you both watched as yuta walked back and forth across the kitchen, the island he was standing at slowly turning into a mess of flour and sugar and other ingredients strewed over the counter space. eventually jungwoo yawned and turned himself into a cat, curling up in your lap that seemed to be his favorite resting spot.

you pet him absentmindedly as you admired the way yuta worked. it was funny to you that this scary demon who was trapped in this cave could do the most domestic things.

knitting.

baking.

what was next, gardening?

yuta’s hands and arms were covered in flour and you noticed that he kept tilting his head back to adjust his hair, the way it was falling in his eyes obviously bothering him, but couldn’t push it back without getting the powder everywhere.

“yuta?” you called softly, not wanting to disturb the comfortable silence nor the sleeping cat in your lap.

“hmm?” was his reply.

“is your hair getting in your way?”

he shrugged nonchalantly, “it’s fine, little human.”

you bit your lip for a moment, took a deep breath and then offered, “would you like me to tie it up for you, since you’re covered in flour?”

yuta didn’t say anything for a long moment, his shoulders a little stiff and then he relaxed them before he turned around. he closed the distance between you in a step, coming to stop directly in front of you.

you were now almost eye level with the man, the counter giving you the smallest height advantage.

you waited for him to turn around, but he was gazing at you expectantly. fighting off the smile that threatened to appear on your lips, you brought your hands up to run your fingers through his hair as a makeshift brush. you felt his eyes on your face, and when you glanced over you saw he seemed to be studying you closely, his eyes trailing across your nose to your mouth.

when you noticed his gaze land on your lips, you quickly looked back at your hands. you gathered his hair in your hand and it was enough to make a small ponytail, and you saw from the corner of your eye that yuta had finally stopped gazing at you and had closed his eyes. now that they were closed, you took your turn to take in the features of your face as you pulled the tie from your pocket, the extra strip of cloth you carried around in case you needed to pull your own hair up.

he looked peaceful when his eyes were closed, and although you preferred his smile over anything else, the serenity on his face was a close second.

“and… there.” you whispered as you tied the fabric tightly so none of his hairs would fall loose back into his eyes. you went to pull your hands back but froze midair when yuta opened his eyes again, his eyes peering intently into yours.

again, it was like he was searching for something and you noticed the second he found it, his eyes lit up slightly and you didn’t know why but it caused you to smile.

he noticed your lips again as they turned up slightly, and as if he finally realized for the first time how close he was to you, he coughed and stepped back to create space between you.

the human is dangerous when she looks like that, he thought.

“thanks.” he said shortly, moment gone entirely and he turned his back on you, continuing to work on the food.

“you’re welcome,” you grumbled and put your hands back to work petting jungwoo softly, and you looked down to see him already looking up at you.

then he winked at you, and you immediately narrowed your eyes at him.

“i will shove you to the floor,” you mouthed silently to him.

jungwoo’s small cat body just shook with silent laughter.

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you were shivering, the room feeling as if it were below freezing and your thin set of pajamas did nothing to fight off the bite of the cold. you rubbed your hands together and tried to breathe hot air on your hands to warm them, but your breath came out cold too. you looked around your room, and you realized this wasn’t the room in which you fell asleep in.

the bed was missing, as was the nightstand that stood beside it. the room you were in now was empty, the only thing in it was you.

the walls were lined in floor to ceiling mirrors and you could only see your reflection no matter which way you turned. you didn’t know how you got here, all you knew was that you wanted to leave. you walked to the wall and ran your hands along the mirror hoping to find a secret handle or exit but the mirrors were so cold it burned you and you jerked your hand back to cradle it against your chest, you couldn’t help the weak whimper that left your lips.

the silent room was eerie and you wanted to leave.

“y/n,” a voice was suddenly saying behind you and you whipped around to see nothing at all.

“wh-wh-who are y-you?” you called through chattering teeth, your entire body chilled to the bone now. you remembered learning something about dying from the cold in school but for the life of you, you couldn’t remember a single thing on how to fight it.

“who else would i be?” the voice whispered in your ear this time, and when you whirled around the owner of the voice was still there. standing directly in between you and the mirror was a face you hoped you’d never see again.

the smile that rested on your aunt’s face sent chills down your spine, this time from fear instead of the cold that already consumed you – but anger shoved the fear aside.

“ho-how are y-you here?” you couldn’t stop your teeth from chattering no matter how hard you tried, but you tried to give your voice as much bite as you could, wanting to sound strong in front of her.

but the though that you had no clue how you got here constantly sat at the back of your mind, and you couldn’t lie and say you weren’t terrified.

“’ho-how are y-you here?’” she taunted, reaching up to tug at a strand of your hair. then she crooned, “i’m here to finish the job, because no one in your family knows how to die properly the first time i try.”

“th-they won’t let y-you,” you sniped, but body betraying you by taking a half step back. and your aunt pouted at you, mock understanding on her face.

“oh, you think they care about you? the demon and the shape-shifter? you think they care about what happens to you? you’re a means to an end and nothing more. a free ticket out of here,” and you shook your head, in denial of what she spat at you. she barked out a laugh, before thrusting out her hand to grab you by the throat. she flung you around to press you roughly against the wall, you clawed at her hands to try and get them to release you. you were struggling to breathe.

“i’m no… no different from the other girls that were th-thrown down here, there’s no escaping the m-mountain,” you said against your better judgement, trying to fight down the panic that came from not being able to breathe deeply.

“sweetie, you’re the only one who is different, it’s in your blood,” she disclosed.

“yu…ta… please…” you wheezed hoping that maybe he did care enough to help you, vision growing dark around the edges.

“you should ask your precious yuta about the curse. ask him and see if he really cares about you then.” she sneered, face inches from yours.

you gasped awake, yuta yelling your name to try to get through to you. you were standing in the clearing, dull moonlight washing over the area making it look bleak but it threw light on yuta’s face, revealing the look of fear he wore. his worried eyes searched your tear-filled ones frantically, and you could spot jungwoo over his shoulder wearing the same look. you were still cold, and if you were honest – very scared, and you couldn’t shake the feeling of your aunt being over your shoulder, being in your face.

your body betraying you once again, you felt your face crumple. you hid yourself in yuta’s chest then, your hands covering your face as you cried.

he froze, unfamiliar with how to respond to the sudden human physical affection when he saw jungwoo motioning behind him, his hands enclosing in slow motion as if he were hugging an invisible person. he mouthed the words, ‘hug. her. back.’ and he emphasized each word with a jab in your direction and yuta finally got the hint.

his arms enveloped you gently and you buried yourself further into his arms, and he rested his cheek on the top of your head as he swayed you slightly.

“you’re safe now, it’s okay. i’m – we’re here now.” he murmured to you softly, still unsure of what just happened. all he knew was that he was asleep, not that he needed to be but it passed time, and then he felt the tug of being summoned – something he hadn’t felt in a very long time – and suddenly he was standing in front of you, jungwoo getting there a few moments after him. you were grasping at something in front of you, your lips blue as if you had been out in the snow, arms struggling like you were being strangled. he heard you say please, the desperation in your voice leading him to act. the second he touched your arms you woke up with a gasp and he had never felt more scared to see the fear in your eyes.

he decided then that he never wanted to see that look from your face again.

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from that night on, you refused to sleep alone (more like you weren’t allowed to). yuta and jungwoo would take turns watching over you as you slept. usually jungwoo would sleep at your feet, curled up in whatever form was cuddliest. some nights a cat, others a dog. on nights jungwoo didn’t, you slept in yuta’s room effectively kicking the demon out of his own bed.

he didn’t mind.

the bruises that showed up on your throat the next day was enough for him to make sure you didn’t go to sleep alone.

you were so spooked by the events that you hardly spoke the next day, and the far away look thoroughly worried both of the men you shared the mountain with. eventually you went back to your normal, playful self but yuta wasn’t convinced, you acted somewhat more reserved than you had before. he didn’t miss the way you’d wince every time you swallowed as the bruises on your neck healed. you didn’t tell them of what your nightmare was about, or even drop hints. that was until the night it was yuta’s turn to keep an eye on you.

you were laying on your side, blankets pulled up to your chin as you watched him read a book. his hair was tied back again and you watched as the shadows flickered across his face from the light the fire gave off.

“i can feel you staring at me,” he murmured, not taking his eyes off of his page. you were completely unaware to the fact that he had read the same line for the past five minutes.

“will you tell me about the curse?” you asked, voice small. he looked up at that, eyebrows drawn together.

“why are you asking about that?”

“it… it’s nothing.” you said breaking eye contact with him and he shook his head.

“no, i’m – i’m not saying that because i don’t want to talk about it, i’ll tell you. ’m just curious about what brought this up.”

“it’s… it’s what was said in my… my dream...” he nodded, and scooted his chair a little closer to the edge of the bed.

“before we were cursed here in this mountain, us demons roamed free. they probably do still and you just didn’t know it. i enjoyed traveling then, country to country, town to town. it was in one of these towns that surrounds this mountain that i stayed at a moment to long, i think. a woman fell in love with me, and, well… i didn’t do the same. i broke her heart, but i didn’t realize she was a witch and so she cursed me to this mountain. i’ve been here ever since.” and you could only stare at him, then slowly sat up.

“you mean to tell me... you and jungwoo… and now me… are trapped here because you rejected some woman?” you were incredulous at that.

“well… not just any woman, a pretty powerful witch. but… yeah.”

“the fuck?”

“yeah, that was my response then too.”

“how do you break the curse?” you asked, and yuta shook his head then.

“it’s very old blood magic, something you need not concern yourself with.” yuta’s voice was soft, and you couldn’t help the flutter you felt in your stomach at the look he gave you. you dropped it for the time being, laying back down and pulling the blanket back up. the fluttery feeling not going away even as you closed your eyes.

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you were freezing again, the room of mirrors back after not seeing it for over a week. you wanted to cry at the first glimpse of it, panic overriding your brain. you turned in circles, and when you whirled around the second time, there she was.

“did you miss me?” she grinned as you shook your head, this time she was circling you like a hyena. “did you ask him about the curse?” when you didn’t respond to her, actively trying to keep the angry look plastered on your face, she snaked around to your front to peer into your eyes – a weird malicious sense of happiness on her face.

“you did… oh, and he gave you every answer but the one you needed… it’s a shame.”

“what are you talking about?” you growled at her, you never were fond of riddles.

“i’m talking about the point where he mentioned blood magic,” she said as she suddenly gripped you by the front of your shirt, yanking you closer to her face, her long nails scratching you along your collarbone, “and about how he doesn’t have the one piece of information to prove he won’t care about you in the end.”

your eyes searching hers frantically for answers, and you finally asked, “what information? what is it?”

your aunt pulled you close, directly against her cheek as she put her lips to your ear and whispered, “your last name is a very old one, no? what was it again?” and then she threw you both away from her and out of sleep at the same time. you gasped awake, fully upright once more, and yuta became alert instantly in the same chair he was in when you fell asleep.

“what happened? are you okay?” he was by your side on the bed in an instant, placing a finger under your chin to make you look up at him from your hands so he could search your face for any marks.

“it’s… in these dreams i keep seeing my aunt. she… she tells me that even though I’m here and you seem happy that i’m here, neither you nor jungwoo really care if I’m alive or dead…” you trailed off, wrapping your arms around yourself, you didn’t know why this shook you so deeply but then the thought filtered through, it’s because you care about them, and how they view you. you focused on yuta when you saw that he was already shaking his head before you had even finished your sentence.

“that’s not true… we care. you know we care about you.” you nodded slowly.

“i…” you started and then, remembering the last thing she said to you, confusion filling your voice as you whispered your last name aloud.

“what?” yuta asked, he heard you, of course he did, but… he wanted to be sure he heard correctly.

you repeated your last name again, this time louder – looking up at him. “does that name mean anything to you?”

and the look that crossed yuta’s face was indiscernible. that wasn’t promising for you.

“it was… no, why do you know that name?” yuta asked, too calm to be reassuring. “how do you know that name?”

when you didn’t answer right away, yuta asked again, his voice coming out more stressed that time, almost pleading and you didn’t know what for.

“y/n, how do you know that name?” and the direct eye contact you made with him, told him the answer before your mouth did.

“because that’s my name… my last name.” yuta inhaled sharply, eyes wide. pulling his hands back and leaning away from you as if you burned him. he stared at you, his eyes wide as if he didn’t recognize you for moment and he seemed upset, maybe even angry. then he was out of the room in the next moment, slamming the door behind him loud enough to make you jump.

this must have been what your aunt had meant. but you still didn’t know what it meant.

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the answer to what it meant came three days later. it didn’t surprise you that yuta didn’t keep you company after his outburst. you weren’t sure why he was so upset, and it bothered you not knowing but the demon hid well when he didn’t want to be found. jungwoo didn’t ignore you as yuta did, but it didn’t go unnoticed by you that he had been a lot quieter around you than was normal for him. it seemed that the mood had settled over the whole mountain, the sky grey and dark.

you didn’t like the feeling of having upset someone without knowing what you did, and you finally couldn’t stand it anymore. you were going to find him, and you were going to make him talk to you.

standing up, you made to leave your room, walking to the door. when you turned the handle, it didn’t budge. confused, you tugged on it again and it still wouldn’t move. you stepped back from the door, and movement caught your attention from the corner of your eye. turning you noticed a door had appeared across your room that you had never seen before, because it hadn’t been there.

right, magic, you thought.

light spilled through the cracks at the bottom and that was the movement you saw before, as someone was walking back and forth in front of the door. voices murmuring was all that you could make out and your curiosity had you moving to the mystery door before you had the thought of avoiding it entirely.

when your hand touched the wood of the door, something overtook your body, bringing your ear to rest against the door. the hold was gentle but still restricting. you tried to fight against the force holding you against the door, struggling to move until the mention of your name had you stilling. you didn’t need to be held against the door then, finding yourself trying to listen harder.

the voices that you heard were no longer murmurs, clearing up as if you stood directly in front of them, as if they were speaking directly to you.

 “leave me alone, jungwoo,” it was yuta and he sounded… tired… sad.

“no.” jungwoo’s voice was angry, that was the only word for it. “you’ve been avoiding her, and me, for three days. i’m not leaving until i get an answer.”

yuta was silent, and jungwoo growled in response to it. “don’t use your eyes on me like that, it’s not going to work.”

“what do you want from me then, jungwoo?” yuta’s voice raised a little.

“an answer! what the hell happened that night?” yuta’s silence only seemed to make jungwoo all the more frustrated.

“yuta!” he barked at him, and you heard the sound of a chair being slid suddenly against the wood floor. you could only assume that yuta had been seated, and was now standing. maybe standing directly in front of jungwoo, maybe he was pacing now.

“it’s her,” yuta’s voice was distraught.

“that couldn’t possibly be any more cryptic,” jungwoo’s response was dripping with sarcasm, and yuta pressed on, his clarification being your last name.

“what?” you could imagine jungwoo’s face dropping in shock, it would be comical but this situation was anything but.

“that’s her, it’s her,” and yuta sounded defeated.

“oh.” and jungwoo’s tone matched yuta’s. “that’s the same as… oh, that’s fucked.”

“yeah.”

“what are you going to do then? you can’t, you can’t… but… to be free…”

“i know that i can’t! i know what’s at stake, for us and for her.”

“maybe… maybe it doesn’t have to be that much blood, maybe it can just be-.” did jungwoo lie to you? had he been lying the entire time when he said he didn’t know much about the curse? his responses let you know that he clearly knew more than he had originally let on.

“you know that’s not the way blood magic works.” yuta’s voice was softer than you had heard it before.

“but we don’t know that, it only said blood from the bloodline, it’s doesn’t say it has to be a lot!”

“there’s no point, jungwoo. i’m not going to ask that of her, i will not hurt her and i will not kill her just so we can leave this place.” you jerked away from the door as if it had shocked you with a gasp, mind reeling. you felt like you did the first day here, breath getting caught in your throat. the bottom line that you had learned… was that you had to bleed.

the key to breaking the curse was what kept you alive. you didn’t know what your name had to do with any of it. you didn’t know why it had to be you, because bloodline of what? the gears in your mind turning over as you put the clues together to make a solid thought.

were you… were you descendant of the witch?  

was that why none of the other girls who had already died before you couldn’t have been their ticket out?

you felt a hysterical giggle bubble up your throat, and then you swallowed it down. covering your mouth with your hand, your mind devolved wildly until it came to a screeching halt on one thought alone, the bottom line.

you were sent here to die anyway.

you became too comfortable with the two immortal men, and that was your own fault. but how could you not?

you didn’t want to admit it but… your aunt was right. she was cruel, vile and not even actually there, she was just a figment of your nightmares and she was still… right.

that infuriated you. the idea that you might have been remotely content, away from everyone who you grew to resent above, feeling as if you belonged here… just to know that they’d now be counting down the days until you died, if they didn’t decide to change their minds first… that devastated you.

and that sole emotion was what led you from the room, the bedroom door that refused to open earlier, opening for you as you approached it. you followed the maze, body moving entirely on its own, the path you knew would take you to the kitchens and when you arrived, you just stood in the empty room.

you didn’t know what led you here, all you knew was that your feet walked of their own accord. your eyes caught a glint of silver and you zeroed in on it. the idea worming it’s way into your head almost against your will, something you had never thought of before. and now it was on repeat as you stepped closer, completely out of your control.

the knife block sat on the island, and you started to panic internally at how out of control of your own body you felt. you reached out to pull a knife from it’s place, the sound of it sliding out echoed around the room.

do it, your thoughts kept repeating to you. the more they repeated, the more they stopped sounding like you and more like your aunt.

do it. you lifted the knife slowly.

do it. you could see your reflection in the steel.

do it. you moved –

“y/n!” the sudden shouting of your name made you jump, but effectively broke whatever spell you were under. the knife jerked awkwardly in your hand after being startled and the blade sliced a thin line on your palm causing you to hiss at the sting.

red drops of blood pooled to the surface, and a tight grip on your wrist made you drop the knife clang onto the counter. you inhaled deeply for what must have been the first time since entering the kitchen. the hand gripping your wrist used it to pull you around, coming face to face with the man who had been avoiding you for three days.

“are you crazy? the hell are you trying to do?” his voice was raised, but it wasn’t in anger. it was worry.

“i… i don’t know…” you stammered, unable to form a sentence, still confused at how you really got here. he searched your face for the lie and only found unease.

“come on,” he said softly and pulled you to the sink, gently putting your hand under the running water. you hissed again softly at the pain.

“well, yeah… what did you expect, for it to feel good?” his asked sarcastically as he turned off the water and began wrapping your palm with a bandage.

“i don’t even – i wasn’t in control of myself…” you muttered, that fact concerning yuta but then you continued, “but, why are you here? wouldn’t this be what you need?” you argued and you peered up at him, and his eyes widened slightly at the question.

“what do you mean?”

“you’ve been avoiding me and i heard you and jungwoo earlier.”

“how did you-, ah, magic.”

“yeah, magic.”

“if you heard the conversation then you know that a few drops won’t do anything,” yuta glanced up from your hand to look you in the eye, quirking an eyebrow.

“but…”

“and you also would have heard how i said i would not hurt you in exchange for freedom.”

“i heard that part…” you finally muttered after searching for a different response and coming up empty. he had finished with your hand moments ago but continued to hold it in his. his eyes didn’t drift away from yours.

“and, if you would have listened for a just a minute longer, you would have then heard how i couldn’t do that because i care too much about your wellbeing. care too much about you.”

“why would you give up your freedom for… for me. you said you enjoyed traveling, and you’ve been stuck here for so long, you shouldn’t give up that…” you trailed off and he was already shaking his head before you even started to speak.

“i’ve been happier in these past few weeks since you’ve arrived than I had in the years before the curse, i’d rather be trapped down here with you than be free without you.” your eyes started to water, but you didn’t want to pull your hand from yuta’s to wipe at them. yuta must have read your mind because his other hand came up to wipe at them for you. the happiness you felt at his words was fleeting.

“but you were avoiding me… and that isn’t fair to jungwoo,” you said dropping your eyes from his.

“jungwoo is fine with it, he goes where yuta goes. and yuta was pouting about his feelings for you,” said man’s voice came from the kitchen door and you both turned to face him, and yuta was thankful for the darkness of the kitchen that you couldn’t see his ears turning red.

he smiled at you both, and relief washed over you like a tsunami.

you threw your arms around yuta’s waist and squeezed him tightly. and he did not hesitate nor need direction from jungwoo this time, his arms immediately wrapping around you.

after a few moments, jungwoo threw himself into the hug, coming behind yuta and wrapping his arms around you both. the taller man snuggled into yuta’s back and you couldn’t help but laugh at the straight-faced look on yuta’s face.

“don’t forget you were my best friend first, just because she’s here now,” jungwoo pouted and you felt yuta pat jungwoo’s hand that rested on your back.

“how can i forget when you remind me every day?”

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things were going great for the two weeks. you had officially lasted longer than any other girl who had been dropped in and nothing else strange happened. you didn’t have any other dreams, or urges beyond your control.

you were confident in your place with them then, the doubts that had been sown in your mind had died off completely.

you were happy, you realized, and your days spent with yuta and jungwoo were peaceful. two weeks without incident allowed you to sleep in your room alone again, even though you missed the comfortable weight of jungwoo at the foot of your bed or the warm presence of yuta in the room – yuta had offered you a permanent place in his bed, but you had shook your head and laughed at the implications.

that was something else that had changed, yuta openly flirting with you.

you weren’t mad about that in the slightest, but you realized that when the occasional human boy would flirt with you, you could brush it off with ease.

when yuta would flirt with you, it turned you into a blushing mess.

on the third night after the resuming of sleeping alone, yuta had walked you to your door. a habit he had gotten into since you stopped staying in his room, and when you had asked him about it he nonchalantly shrugged, “just because i’m damned doesn’t mean i can’t be chivalrous.”

you snorted and didn’t argue at that, “that wasn’t a complaint.”

you had your hand on the doorknob behind your back as you had finally made it to your room, and yuta was leaning casually with one elbow against your door frame, and the other hand in his pocket.

“but if you’d prefer,” yuta smirked down at you, “i can become quite the opposite.”

your eyebrows drew together in confusion, “i’ve already seen you be an asshole, the whole first few days, or did you forget?”

“i didn’t forget…” he purred and he lowered his head slowly down to yours until he was inches from you, his breath tickling your lips, and your eyes widened and face flushed at the sudden closeness, “but i was thinking of something a bit more… dishonorable.” yuta bit his lip cockily, his eyes trailing down slowly from your eyes to your lips, and you held your breath. you felt your breath catch in your throat, your brain screaming and you fumbled to turn the doorknob, and all but falling into your room, and you closed the door directly in yuta’s face. you leaned against the door, patting your cheeks softly trying to get control of the blush that had taken over.

you heard yuta’s deep chuckle from the other side of the door, and his voice rumbled through the door, “goodnight, my little human.”

your breath was shaky, and you couldn’t get control of your erratic heartbeat nor the butterflies that erupted in your stomach. however, in a moment of brash confidence, you suddenly opened the door, the action shocking even yuta. you quickly stood on your toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“well that wasn’t quite what I meant when I said dishonorable…” he trailed off, gazing down at you a smirk on his lips.

standing flat on your feet again, you bravely kept eye contact and through the blush you huffed, “goodnight, yuta.”

after a few moments yuta’s smirk morphed into the prettiest smile you had seen on him so far, the happiness reaching even his eyes. he leaned forward to place a kiss on your forehead in return, muttering a soft, “cute.” you retreated back to your room with a wave to him.

you tossed and turned in your bed, at first because you couldn’t stop thinking about yuta’s lips on your forehead, and then it was because you felt too hot in your bed. you kicked off the blankets one by one, until it was just you on the bed.

the heat was driving you crazy, and you thought about laying on the ground to cool off because you were that desperate. eventually you settled on stepping outside in the clearing to get some fresh air, and if that didn’t help, maybe you’d ask yuta to do whatever demon magic trick would help you sleep.

walking through the corridors, you felt a sudden gust of cool air, and it was gone so quickly in the next moment that you instantly got frustrated. you knew it had to come from somewhere, so you followed where it came from.

the cold air blew again, and continuing to follow it, it caused you turn down a hall you hadn’t explored yet. you hesitated, jungwoo’s warning echoing in the back of your mind but when you went to turn back around, the same feeling you had while in the kitchen overcame you and this time you were very aware of it.

your heart instantly rose in your throat, and with every step deeper into the cave you felt the panic rising. you wanted to open your mouth, to scream for help, to ask yuta or jungwoo to come get you before it was too late but whatever had you under it’s control, had control of your tongue as well.

long minutes of walking, the only sound echoing against the stone walls was your nervous breathing. eventually you came to a stop, the corridor opening up in a way you were familiar with. instead of grass and waterfalls, there were endless stars, and after closer inspection, you realized they were fireflies. it was beautiful to see, and you would have admired it had it not been for the circumstance.

the lights from the small bugs emitted an eerie glow and an involuntary chill ran down your spine. a swishing sound came from behind you, as if something were moving along the cavern floor. you couldn’t turn around, couldn’t move your head to turn around. couldn’t control your rapid breathing, and the feeling of being trapped made your flight senses light up but you couldn’t obey them no matter how hard you tried. with the dim lights you saw a shadow of a figure, but you couldn’t make out any details.

“youuuu,” it drawled, a slight breathy rasp in it’s voice. “it took a lot of effort to get you here.”

you still couldn’t speak, mouth firmly closed.

“you fought so hard, human. I can say I’m impressed. but I had to have you, I really…” it’s breath rattled in it’s chest, and you noticed a slight hissing sound coming it. “couldn’t control myself.” it continued, all while still circling you, and you could see in moments it was directly in front of you the soft glow of green eyes, the same green as the fireflies on the cavern ceiling.

the slithering sound constant, coming from all around you, making it hard for you to focus on where it was, making it harder for you to control your fear.

after long moments you suddenly felt the invisible muzzle that had you silenced the entire time lift away. finally you could speak and immediately opened your mouth to scream.

“if you try to summon him again like you did before, i’ll kill him in front of you the second he appears,” and you could hear it smiling as it spoke from somewhere over your shoulder.

“why couldn’t you have left me alone?” you said trying to keep the shake from your tone, but your echoing voice that bounced back to you let you know that you had failed in that.

“two reasons,” it answered simply. you were trying to keep it talking, trying to think of any way to get out of this alive. your mind going haywire in it’s panic, because somehow deep down, you knew.

you knew this was it.

“what were the reasons?” you forced out from between pursed lips, your throat now burning from the tears you were trying to hold back after the realization struck you.

you were trying to be brave but you had started shivering now, not because you were cold, but because you were that scared.

“did you ever not wonder about what yuta was so interested in on your very first day?” and you thought back. you did remember, you could remember him saying ‘interesting’, but at the time you were too angry about the trance he put you under to care.

“no, a lot happened that day.”

“we’re all from hell, us three trapped down here. but we all have this one thing in common… we know souls. we can see them, taint them, devour them, control them entirely if we want.” it paused, watching you stand in place. it brought joy to the creature to see the occasional tremor travel through your body from fear. humans were so foolish to remain brave in times like this.

“you were unique because your soul was already tainted, from both the blood that runs in your veins and the rage you’ve harbored your entire life, from the grief you couldn’t let go of.” the words triggering the echo of yuta’s words in your mind.

‘if you don’t let it go, it will eat you alive’, your eyes widened at the memory, and you felt your eyes start to water. bravery slowly leaving you the longer the creature spoke.

“yesss, he was trying to purify your soul, little by little. he thought he was helping you but really… he was helping me. the lighter you became, the easier it was to control you, the easier it was to pull you to me.” you choked back a sob then, clenching your teeth to try and keep the sound in your throat, refusing to let the tears fall.

“what was the other reason?” you hissed from between your clenched teeth.

“oh, well… you see. yuta thinks he was trapped down here because of a broken-hearted witch,” it slithered again, this time close to you and you could feel it directly behind you.

“how silly of a reason that would have been.” it hissed lowly, sounds no longer echoing off the walls back to you. the sounds almost seemed to fall to the ground now, almost as if your ears were being covered, the loudest thing now being the roar of your heartbeat.

“the curse was never meant for him, he just so happened to get caught in it…” and you felt a heavy grip on your shoulder; it’s hot breath was on your cheek and you couldn’t help but tense up at the proximity. “it was meant only for me; the witch who cursed me not having the foresight to think one of her own would be put in this position, position where spilling your blood will set me free. i sincerely thank you for your sacrifice.”

all you could hear around you was it’s malicious laugh, but you couldn’t focus on that two things happened simultaneously.

the first being that it moved from behind you to appear very suddenly in front of you in a blink, pale green eyes glowing and not an ounce of kindness found there. you only had a moment to take in it’s face, and it looked surprisingly human, just as jungwoo and yuta did. you were able to make out the snarl on its face, it’s teeth sharp, but didn’t get a moment to think about it because at the same time you felt something sharp pierce directly through your stomach, and it was ripped out of you roughly.

your mouth opened in silence at the sharp pain, the bind that had been placed on your body was lifted in the next moment and you fell to the ground on your knees hands desperately trying to hold your stomach. after agonizing breaths, you collapsed further to land hard on your side, your blood pooling around you slowly, sending new jolts of pain through you that just kept going, and going, and going...

and then finally you started to scream.

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yuta jolted awake, jungwoo bursting into his room at the same exact moment.

“it’s gone,” jungwoo rushed, panic laced in the two words. yuta felt exactly what he meant then, the heavy weight that the curse had been on their bodies all these years was lifted entirely. he felt lighter, and he also felt the kind of power he didn’t realize he had missed.

then it dawned on him.

he was inside your room in an instant, empty. his entire body became hot in that moment, and he wasn’t sure if it were out of anger or fear – maybe both. jungwoo burst through the door moments later and he looked around.

“no, no, no…” he denied, devastation the only thing written in his tear lined eyes. “yuta, how…” jungwoo trailed off and then he fully focused on the demon in front of him. his eyes were red now, something he hadn’t seen in a century.

he had hoped he’d never have to see it again.

jungwoo crossed the distance then and placed his hand on yuta’s shoulder gingerly. it was scalding to him, but he endured it. jungwoo was about to open his mouth but then yuta’s head whipped around, ears picking up something he couldn’t, and because jungwoo was already gripping him… when yuta teleported, so did he.

the first thing yuta noticed when appearing in the wide opening they landed in – he had no clue of where he was going, all he knew was that he heard you sigh his name – was the metallic taste of copper on his tongue, the smell of blood was completely overwhelming.

and there you were.

you were laying on the ground, and that’s where the scent of blood was coming from because it was all around you in a dark puddle and yuta hadn’t known what fear really was, he had never had anything to be afraid of or for, until he met you, and then he had never felt this type of fear before but he did now because of you. fear gripped his heart in its hand tightly and squeezed, yuta realizing his heart was racing then.

he was by your side in a second, gently lifting you – and his breath caught at just how limp you had become – off the ground to cradle you in his arms. he rocked slightly, his bloody hand coming up to brush the hair from your face.

your eyes were closed but you smiled softly up at him, blood staining your lips and leaking from the corners of your mouth; your hair soaked from where you had been lying in it. you croaked out a soft, “hi.”

“hey, hey,” he whispered to you and your eyes slowly fluttered open to gaze into his, your hand lifted lethargically to grip at his shirts sleeve. he saw you slowly losing focus, and he tapped your cheek gently, trying to keep you awake. jungwoo somehow regained movement in his legs and scrambled to kneel next to you; he put his hands over the wound and realized how bad it truly was.

jungwoo couldn’t help but use the back of his now bloody hand to try and cover the sobs he couldn’t control, they couldn’t lose you – he really liked having you around. you cuddled him and you made yuta happy but he didn’t know how to fix this.

“my little human, please… please keep looking at me,” yuta was saying to you, his hand coming to rub his thumb against your cheek and your lips tugged upwards slightly at the affection in which he touched you, in the way he said the nickname that had become yours.

“i have been… this whole time. i’ve been looking at you,” you whispered, in between rattling breaths hoping he understood you didn’t just mean right now, you meant since landing here, since the very first day. you were so tired now, your mind becoming as lethargic as your body and you felt tears dripping down your cheeks but it wasn’t you.

yuta was crying, his tears splattering against your cheeks.

you didn’t mind.

“i wanted more time,” you said in an exhale.

“then don’t go,” he pleaded, anguish in his eyes and voice. “don’t leave. don’t leave us. don’t – don’t leave me… please.”

“then don’t… let me…” you wheezed, still somehow teasing even though your voice cracked, your lungs struggled to fill with air.

“let me save you,” he was begging you, he was resting his forehead against yours now. his blood-soaked hands were shaking now as they tangled themselves in your hair, he was so afraid to let go. “i can do it, please let me.”

jungwoo snapped his head up at yuta, and he whispered, “but she would…”

yuta never took his eyes off of you, and he noticed the moments in between blinks were getting longer and longer.

“i can save you,” he was whispering to you, his red eyes starting to glow in anticipation. “i can save you but your soul, it would be tethered to mine. you’ll be like me… you’ll be damned.”

you tried to laugh, but all that came out were weak breaths, “there are worse things i could be.”

yuta’s heart lurched when your grip on his shirt loosened, your arm falling across your body now and he started speaking to you faster.

“demons have laws, i can’t… i need your permission – i can’t just do it, it has to be verbal, please,” yuta cried softly, “please say yes.”

you inhaled, your voice was barely there when you exhaled a soft, “yes.”

yuta’s red eyes glowed brighter with your answer. in a swift moment, he closed the space between you, his lips pressing against yours gently. he could feel you now, could feel you trying to hold on but losing the fight.

so he kissed you harder, his hand that was tangled in your hair moving down to your neck.

slowly, he felt you again. felt as you came back to him. he felt you as he felt himself now, and he was sure it was the same for you.

he knew you had come back to him when you took a sudden sharp breath against his mouth, and then you were kissing him back. your hand coming back up to grip at his shirt, and he was all around you. you couldn’t stop breathing him in as you kissed him and you had never felt so whole, as if this was what you were missing your entire life. him.

eventually, you slowly pulled away, your eyes fluttered open fully and seeing the tears that had ran down his face and then it was your turn to wipe them away from his cheeks, your thumbs dragging over his lips to wipe at the blood on his mouth from kissing you and you chuckled slightly.

yuta buried his face in the crook of your neck, and you brought your hand up to gently run your fingers through his hair, the sound of him breathing soothing you. turning you offered a hand to jungwoo, not forgetting that he was there.

his face twisted, sniffing as he got control of his emotions again and he took your hand in his and kept it close to his chest.

“you came for me,” you whispered, breaking the silence. yuta gripped you a little tighter, not wanting to let go of you yet.

he murmured his response against your neck, “you called.”

.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.

you were happy to be alive, you were happy that yuta saved you. you were even happy that jungwoo looked so happy to see you still breathing. but after a few long minutes of him holding you tapped him on the shoulder.

“um, i don’t want to ruin the moment but… the blood is drying and it’s actually uncomfortable.” you laughed awkwardly.

“moment effectively ruined,” yuta droned as he sat up, his look unamused but you could tell he was still trying to come down from the fear of the moment. you made to sit up so you could stand but yuta beat you to it by picking you up effortlessly. you wrapped your arms around his neck to keep yourself steady from the sudden movement.

“i can walk!” you protested. you looked down when you felt the weight of jungwoo sitting on your stomach, his cat form blinking at you from his newfound spot.

“i never said you couldn’t,” was his easy reply. you learned quickly after that the reason was so he could teleport you all back to your room with ease, and yuta gently placed you down after jungwoo leapt off of you, transforming back into a human. with a squeeze of yuta’s hand you escaped to the bathroom and shut the door behind you. You listened for a moment.

“will she be okay?” jungwoo murmured to yuta, and you heard shuffling.

“if you cuddle her enough, i’m sure she will be eventually.”

“you have to be there for her too,” jungwoo pointed out.

“i plan to,” yuta replied.

you pulled away from the door and went to the bath, turning the water to as hot as it could go. while the shower ran you finally stepped in front of the mirror and you paled at what you saw.

blood was smeared across your lips from where yuta had kissed you, but that wasn’t what got you.

the blood was dried everywhere, your t-shirt that you had went to bed in had a giant hole in the front and it was overwhelming to look at so you ripped it off your body, throwing it across the bathroom. you looked down and it was as if it had never happened, the skin clear.

no scars.

nothing to show that you had died.

nothing to remind you that yuta had saved you. and for some reason that upset you. you stood there staring at your reflection until the mirror completely fogged over.

you dragged your eyes away, and stepped in the shower. you didn’t let the scalding heat of the water deter you from getting in and immediately start scrubbing away at your skin. it took three tries to get to see the water turn clear and once it did, you sank down to the shower floor and brought your knees to your chest.

and for the first time, you let yourself truly cry.

you tried to stay quiet but you didn’t hold back the tears this time. you sobbed to yourself until the fear you had felt before had escaped you entirely, flowing down the drain with the tears. you had been so scared, especially when you felt yourself take your last breath. eventually the tears slowed until there were none left, your mind then drifting to the demon who had saved you and you couldn’t help the small watery smile that that appeared.

you sat there, allowing yourself to process everything that had happened until the water turned cold, and then shivering you turned off the water and stepped out.

when you finally left the bathroom dressed in a simple t-shirt and shorts, you had somehow expected he would be there but still surprised to see that you were right, you were surprised that jungwoo was nowhere in sight. he looked from where he sat on your bed as up as you entered the room, and you plopped down beside him on the bed. he didn’t speak for a moment, and you didn’t want to disrupt the silence.

finally, he spoke up. “i’m sorry…” and you were shaking your head before his sentence finished.

“i’m not,” you replied. he still wasn’t looking at you and you turned your body to face him. you lifted your hand to his cheek, using it to turn his face to look at you, and then you repeated yourself. “i’m not.”

you leaned in to kiss him sweetly, cutting him off when he opened his mouth to retort. it was meant to be a quick kiss, a reassuring one for him. but he instantly reciprocated, his lips moving against yours in a way they didn’t before. 

before the kiss was all about saving you, about bringing you back to him. 

this kiss was letting you know how much he wanted you to stay, how desperate he was to keep you safe.

silly demon, you thought. when you tilted your head slightly he deepened the kiss and you, while still kissing him, move to sit up on your knees, hooking one leg over his lap. your hands came up to cup his face, and his hands gripped the back of your thighs to keep you firmly on his lap. you eventually break the kiss to allow yourself to breathe, and yuta trailed his lips across your jawline, down to your neck and you sighed at the contact.

when his teeth grazed against your neck, you couldn’t stop the soft breathy gasp that escaped your lips. 

yuta chuckled at that and teased, “oh, we like that?” 

your answer was to snake a hand up to his hair to tug it lightly, and it was his turn to groan against your neck. 

“oh,” you said, using the same tone he had before, “we like that?” yuta pulled away from your neck and peered into your eyes. 

“yes, i like that,” he said playfully and then his eyes turned soft the longer he gazed at you. “but i love you.” 

your mouth hung open at his confession. you didn’t doubt that he cared for you, he did just tether your life to his to save yours and that itself was an act of love but this was different.

it was straightforward.

when you didn’t respond right away, he started rambling, his eyes growing wide.  it was funny to see the demon who was powerful enough to pull you back from death, now be turned into a blushing fool. 

“i wasn’t saying it to make you feel guilty or anything you don’t have to say it back, it’sokayifyoudon’tipromisebut…” the last sentence coming out in one long breath and he trailed off as he saw your face break out into an endearing grin.

you released the grip you had on his hair, looping your arms around his neck and you sealed your lips against his again.

the kiss as sweet as his confession.

a confession you had made to yourself about him as you had sat in the shower earlier.

“idiot demon,” you murmured against his lips, “of course i love you.” yuta’s response was to kiss you with all the passion he could muster, you heard him say it but he wanted you to be able to feel it. 

you did. 

the kiss turned from sweet within minutes when yuta nipped at you, and you gasped in the of his teeth sinking in to your bottom lip. you trailed your hands down his front, fingers taking in the abs you could feel through his shirt and he smirked into the kiss.

you wanted to feel him, you realized and so you tugged it off and he lifted his arms to let you. you didn’t start kissing him again right away, letting your eyes roam over his body. 

“i feel like i’m being ogled at,” he joked as your eyes took in his tattoos that decorated his hips. 

“it’s because you are,” you hummed. quicker than you can blink, again with the demon speed, he flipped you both. you were under him, head on the pillow and he was hovering over you, lifting himself by the arm that rested by your head.

his lips found yours for a moment, kissing you breathlessly. his lips trailed to your cheek slowly, and then his lips were at your ear. you felt the moment his lips turn up in a smirk.  

“then it’s only fair that it’s my turn, no?” 

your only response was to nod, a matching smirk on your face. 

and so you let him have his turn.

.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.

the next morning you were awoken by the sound of a whispered conversation. you were curled in to yuta’s side as he laid on his back, and jungwoo’s voice was closer to you now. you peeked through your lashes to find him still in his cat form sitting on yuta’s chest as he spoke to him.

“we can’t let him roam free, he’s been trapped here getting more and more bloodthirsty as the years went on.” jungwoo said.

“we’re not going to let him, it’s just…” and you felt his eyes turn to you.

“she can come too, we won’t leave her here alone.”

“no, i’m not letting her near him again.” yuta’s voice was firm, leaving no room for jungwoo to argue. that was when you decided to stop eavesdropping.

“you’re not going to start telling me what I can or can’t do,” you sent an unamused look in yuta’s direction. “i agree with jungwoo, and i want… i want to go.” yuta studied your face, and finally acquiesced.

“fine,” he said.

it didn’t take long for you to track down the path the creature took, you could smell your own blood that had dripped along the path it had walked.

“you can smell that?” yuta asked, studying you as you spoke. your answer was a shrug before you continued down the familiar path.

the interesting thing about living in the mountain is that you had been so accustomed to it’s day and night, that you hadn’t realized it had been opposite of the outside world. it was dark outside, the moon barely seen through the trees. the path you walked down being the same one that had brought you up the mountain in the first place. the little light the moon gave was plenty enough for you to be able to see clearly.

it didn’t even register that you should have been nearly blinded by the darkness, nor that you seemed to be making quicker time than the first trip had taken.

yuta and jungwoo trailed behind you as you somehow led the way, they didn’t question your sense of direction and when you reached the end of the path you hesitated.

one more step would put you back into town, and you were second guessing if you wanted to save these people at all. they had sent you to your death, they didn’t deserve the kindness of being rescued because where was that kindness – a hand on your arm stopped the thoughts in their tracks.

“i’m with you, okay? you’ll be safe,” yuta whispered to you. you shook off the bubble of anger that had appeared, your only response being the next step out of the tree line and into the town limits.  

from there though, you weren’t sure of where to go next, the smell of your blood dispersing in the open air.

another sound caught your attention then, a familiar voice at the edge of your hearing. the words you couldn’t understand but you knew the voice, and knew exactly where to find it. following the sound, you led the way and you didn’t notice when jungwoo shot yuta a concerned look.

you followed the same path through the village, your mind taking you back to the feeling of walking through the people as they made a trail for you. the smell of fresh blood caught your attention and you turned your head to see the town mayor.

he was face down in the dirt, body completely still. you couldn’t find it in yourself to be sad for him, but your eyes slowly swept over the area and you saw more bodies then. you did feel a twinge of sadness for the others.

you turned to glance back at yuta and when you did his eyes widened, but you didn’t care to ask why. instead, as if you had tunnel vision, you continued leading the way to the house where you grew up, the voice that you recognized getting clearer and clearer.

before you could step to the small stone pathway that led to the front door, a sound of broken glass broke the silence of the night, you looking in time to see a body being thrown from the window.

the body landed on the ground in a heap, and you rushed over to see your uncle – eyes unfocused as he stared up at the night sky. he was dead before he hit the ground, and that’s when you heard screaming from within the house.

yuta was the first to throw open the door, you following him and the sight you witnessed confused you.

you saw the creature clearly now, and as you had previously thought, it looked more human. it’s human form that of a man, dark hair and tall. the only thing obviously different about him were his eyes that never stopped glowing the pale green, and the patches of skin that seemed to be scales. but what really caught your attention was that he had mina by the throat, lifted high in the air.

“the party has arrived,” he sang, turning it’s head to stare at you. yuta and jungwoo stepped in front of you protectively but the creature looked between them and only stared intently into yours.

“i can see it in your eyes that you sold your soul to the devil,” he sneered. “because i was sure that last i saw you, you were minutes from bleeding out entirely.”

“i was,” you bit back. “seems that i just don’t know when to die.”

“it seems that runs it the family, doesn’t it?” another voice crooned from a shadowed hallway to the right.

your aunt stepped forward and slowly sauntered over to stand next to the snake-like demon.

“must be something in your blood,” she smirked then. she placed her hand on his back then as if they had been long-time friends and not a demon who had been locked away for a little less than a century.

the fact that he had her daughter by the throat, mina’s feet kicking above the floor, it did not seem to faze her.

“what did you say?” you growled, you had been assuming the entire time that the dreams had been just that. terrible dreams.

“what part?” she mocked. when you didn’t answer, she sighed dramatically.

“honestly, i’m a little disappointed to see you even alive. i was so sure that they would have killed you before my friend here had to, i didn’t realize your demon had a heart,” she snorted then, as if the very idea were ridiculous to her, then she shook her head and continued, “but your mother was the same as you, i suppose… she had the audacity to keep holding on.” you jumped forward at that, fury clouding your judgment. finally getting the confirmation was different than just assuming and hoping you were wrong. yuta held you back by the arms.

“why?” you asked, and you felt yuta wrap his arms around you in a constricting hug, the warmth of his body calming your anger but not quelling it entirely. you felt jungwoo’s presence shift slightly behind you.

“because,” your aunt trailed off, her eyes staring intently into yours. “she wanted to tell everyone that the sacrificing was no longer required. i had been planning this for years and she would have ruined it entirely.”

your mind was trying to quickly put pieces together but you felt like you were missing important information.

“i see you’re all confused, poor thing. let me paint the picture simply for you then.” she pouted, her voice demeaning as she stared right into your eyes as she spoke, waving he hands around wildly as she told her story. “demon visits me in my dreams, guarantees me everything i could ever want and more. the price? simple enough, getting my dear sweet niece to it in one piece. something about your dormant witch blood being important but i didn’t care about that. i only cared about receiving what i was promised. your mother had to go when she threatened all of that.”

“you’ve been planning this since i was a child?!” you yelled incredulously, struggling again in yuta’s arms to get free.

“patience has always been a strong suit of mine,” she laughed.

“you know deals like this always come with a price,” it was yuta who spoke up from behind you, his voice hard to read.

“i wanted my wealth and i got it, there’s nothing he can take from me that i’ll be upset for.” she was confident but you realized it was misplaced when the creature dropped mina suddenly – said girl crying out as she hit the floor – and whirled to stalk towards your aunt.

“’nothing i can take’, mm?” it taunted her, its words turning menacing. “nothing… except your life, maybe?” and your aunt cowered away from it then, stumbling as she tried to retreat. her eyes were wide in fear.

“no! i was promised wealth, you can’t kill me!” she argued and panic flooded her eyes when it backed her against the wall.

“i promised it and you received it, did you not? you’ve had wealth for as long as she’s been down in the mountain, no?”

“but…but…” and he cut her off when he put a finger to her lips. her eyes begging him when her mouth was no longer able to. her head shaking rapidly.

“i never promised you for how long, that was your own fault… you really should have been more specific.” and the next second your aunt was dead, her body dropping to the floor with a thud and mina screamed.

he twisted his neck to look over his shoulder. the hungry look he gave mina making her scramble backwards on her hands, trying to put as much distance between her and what was most definitely going to kill her.

you decided then that even if it were only out of guilt, she had still been kind to you. you weren’t going to let her die, not without trying, not like you did.

weak and afraid.

and that thought spurned you to move, and that was the only thought plaguing your mind then.

not mina.

you struggled harder in yuta’s arm, elbowing him accidentally in the ribs but it caused him to let you go and you reacted in the same moment as the murderous demon did.

in a blink he was in front of mina.

and in the same blink, so were you.

the sudden appearance of you caught him off guard, his green eyes widening for a moment before darkening. his hand darted out and his fingers wrapped around your throat before you could stop him.

“you’re beginning to become a nuisance.” he said through clenched teeth.

“beginning to?” you choked out, a smug smile on your face. “i think it’s my best quality.”

the creature opened his mouth to speak, but before he could utter a word, yuta was there. he was radiating heat in a way you hadn’t felt before, but his face gave nothing away, it was completely blank.

that somehow made him all the more terrifying. yuta’s hand was on the creature’s wrist then, his grip so tight you could hear the bones grind and he was forced to release you with a short cry in pain.

“mina!” jungwoo called then, beckoning for her to come to him and she did, running into him and gripping his arm tightly as she hid behind him, his arm protectively shielding her.

still gripping his wrist, yuta bent it in a way that was inhuman, cause the creature to crash to his knees painfully.

the kneeling demon then opened his eyes to stare up at the one causing him pain and he balked when he looked into yuta’s eyes, and you saw true fear there.

“i believe you have touched her far too many times already,” yuta said to him, something different about his voice.

“you… you’re not… you can’t be…” he stammered.

“oh, but i am.” yuta affirmed, and you realized his voice had a dark echo to it and you furrowed your eyebrows at him. you could see the red glow of his eyes when you peered around slightly to see, but his face was stoic. nothing scarier than normal, but the opposing demon who had been wreaking havoc was absolutely terrified.

“you were weak, your eyes were black,” he spat at yuta.

“they were, i blame it on the spell. the stronger the demon, the more it dulled everything, it was rather irritating,” yuta’s voice came, still with the echo. you couldn’t lie and say the echo wasn’t a little terrifying.

“please,” the creature had resorted to begging, dropping to his knees in front of yuta and you were bemused at the turn of events.

this cowering thing was what killed you? you started to feel a little embarrassed for yourself then. you still wouldn’t have been able to survive him, but then a thought filtered through.

maybe he isn’t incredibly weak, maybe yuta is just that powerful.

yuta let go of the his wrist and moved his hand to the creature’s head then, almost lovingly.

“don’t…” the creature continued pleading and yuta laughed. the sound void of any joy, only malice.

“don’t what? don’t kill you? did you extend that offer to her?” yuta gestured to you behind him with a jerk of his head.

the demon didn’t answer, so yuta shook his head for him mockingly.

“that’s right, you didn’t.” his voice was angry now and you had never heard this type of fury before.

“please have mercy,” the creature then grabbed onto yuta’s pant leg, eyes staring up at yuta as he glowered down at the creature.

 “i only have mercy for very few beings in my life, and unfortunately for you,” yuta said as he crouched momentarily to be eye level with the green-eyed demon. “you’re not one of them.”

and for an extended pause, nothing happened. the room entirely too silent, mina’s labored breathing the only thing you could hear.

then the creature was screaming, screaming as you had in the cavern.

screaming in pain.

and then as if he were burning from the inside out, he started to smoke and smolder. pieces of him crumbling into ash slowly. the screaming stopped when the ash took most of his body, the rest falling onto the ground and there was nothing left of the menacing demon.

“yuta…” jungwoo warned from where he still stood defensively in front of mina. “yuta, snap out of it.”

that was when you noticed yuta breathing heavily, his hand still outstretched where it had been on top of the creature’s head. you circled to the front of yuta, and you saw jungwoo make a move for you, mina’s vicelike grip preventing him from going to you completely.

“y/n, don’t! don’t go near him. he’s not himself right now!” jungwoo called, fearing only for your safety.

you were in front of yuta now, and he still looked physically like your yuta. but he wasn’t… everything else about him seemed off. his eyes were a different type of red than when he had saved you before, they were a darker red. the color of blood alive in his irises. when your face appeared in front of him, he snarled. his lips turning up, his teeth bared at you.

you didn’t move quickly, continuing to gaze into his eyes while your hand reached for his outstretched one. your fingers gently wrapped around his, and you hissed internally as his hand was scalding but you didn’t let that deter you, and you slowly pulled it up. using both your hands, you placed his palm against your cheek.

the fire cooling on his palm the second his hand touched your skin, but he was still growling at you lowly with that strange echo. like he was semi-aware, but unable to break out of it.

“it’s okay,” you whispered reassuringly, voice calm. “i’m okay. he’s dead now. you can stop.”

when nothing changed, your heart squeezed. you reached your palm out to touch his cheek then. mirroring the way you held his to yours, and stepped closer to him.

“yuta, hey… please come back to me?” you murmured, before sealing the distance and placing a kiss on his lips.

if he could kiss you and literally bring you back to life, then surely you could at least bring him back to himself with yours.

when you felt him kiss you back, you knew you had succeeded. pulling away from him, you stared into his now apologetic eyes and were relieved to see them back to brown. the squeeze on your heart finally loosening.

yuta’s eyes searched yours and when he didn’t find an ounce anger or disgust there, a smile slowly worked its way onto his lips.

“you pulled me back,” he said in awe. if he hadn’t loved you before, that would have sealed the deal alone.

“i guess we’re even now,” you laughed, winking at him as you quickly kissed him again.

he took back what he previously thought, that would have sealed the deal.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 5/21/2022

I forgot to do this yesterday!!

WELL, I wrote 3049 words worth of Renji and Ichigo eating pie in a diner with Byakuya’s dad. I alluded to it in the tags, but got really excited about this one, wrote a bunch, realized I had a bunch of continuity errors, and it took me most of a week to massage it back into something workable. I am happy enough with the end result, but that was more stress than I wanted to put myself under for this writing challenge, and I think I’m pretty relieved that it’s nearly run its course. I have one in mind for this coming week, and then one last one that is sort of a What If? challenge and also sort of not, you’ll just have to wait and see on that on.

I also wrote 1437 words on the Tattoo Artist AU. (15,848)

My brain is started to shift gears back into a little in love mode. I had a pretty clear vision for the last two acts of the story back when I originally outlined the whole thing, but now that I’m there, I’m not 100% happy with it, so I’ve been trying to brainstorm different ways it could go. I mean, I still have my original conception to fall back on if I can’t come up with something better, but I just feel like it doesn’t necessarily flow logically from how the characters have been developing up to this point. (Also it involves Rukia and Renji having a fight and I don’t wanna 😭😭😭) Anyway, I’m kinda hype for finishing this thing! I’m not sure, but it has a legit shot at surpassing Call Me Back as the longest thing I’ve ever written.

The summer that I started writing alil, I read a bunch of Jane Austen novels. I’ve mentioned that I have been struggling to read lately, and I’ll say that my project of re-reading the Battle Angel manga has not been entirely a success. I’m on the last volume of the first series now, but it’s taken me absolutely forever. My library does a summer reading program, though, for adults as well as children. The surest way to get me to do anything is to require me to log it, so I am hopeful that I am going to Read a Book or Two this summer. Reading and writing are sort of independent activities for me, but I feel like reading is important to keep my writing brain going in the long-run, and I really need to get back into it.

Art-wise, I am very close to a workable “done” on my zine piece. I plan to go back and improve a number of the background elements, but the mental freedom of “I could turn this in if I had to” will be very freeing. I took a tiny break on that to make something for Renruki Kiss Day. It’s going...okay. It’s not my favorite thing I’ve ever drawn, but I do feel pretty confident I’ll get it done on time. It’s been really irritating because I feel like I’ve forgotten how to draw lately. Sometimes I feel like I could just go back and start learning to draw again from scratch, not that I have any idea what that looks like. I just get mad because I have no discernable style and I’m super-dependent on references. Bleh. I miss doing Soul Society Artist AU comix and I’m looking forward to doing them again, even if it means I have to do a “powering up” panel that I’ve been dreading.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

249 of 2023

What have you been up to today? Anything interesting?

I’ve been to Torhout for the 2nd time and took some photos, then I went to Oostende and did the same.

What was the last thing you ate?

Mini pizzas, I think.

Do you know how to knit? Who taught you?

No, I’ve never learnt it. I lack coordination between both sides of my body.

What state or territory were you born in?

Belgium. It’s a country, you know?

Are you the type of person to dwell on the past?

I’m trying not to. It’s pointless anyway.

Are there many traffic incidents in your area?

No, but it’s full of Sunday drivers.

What’s your favorite genre of music?

Djent, EBM, futurepop and hip hop. I like music in languages other than English, too.

Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck?

Yeah, while moving the houses.

Are you currently downloading anything?

It’s illegal in my country.

Have you seen any good movies lately? Tell me about them.

Ew, movies. What a waste of time.

Does your father have any facial hair?

He does have a moustache. Been having it since I remember XD

What’s your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?

Oatmeal with fruits, yogurts with fruits, any kind of cereal.

Did your grandparents teach you anything?

Yeah, I had The Talk with my grandma, and so did my sister. We learnt more about sex and body functions from her than from our parents.

Do you want/have a Bachelor’s degree?

I do have a Bachelor’s degree, electrical engineering. Which makes Bachelor of Applied Sciences here in my country. I’m a legit engineer omg XD

Have you ever written a song for or about somebody?

Nope, I suck at verbal expression.

What are the longest and shortest romantic relationships you’ve been in?

Longest - 5 years and counting, with my husband. Shortest - 6 months, with Jay.

Would you go on one of those galactic space flights if you had the chance?

Nah, I find it scary.

Do you like your license photo?

I don’t even hazve a licence lol. But I can say I don’t like my ID photo. The way they take ID photos in Belgium makes everyone look like they’ve escaped the Alcatraz. You have to front face the camera and you’re absolutely forbidden to smile.

Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favorite?

Nope, thanks.

Spotify, Pandora or something else entirely?

Spotify, I even have a premuim subscription.

What colors do you wear the most?

Black, usually combined with one more colour.

What was the last alcoholic beverage you had?

Oh my, that was eons ago. Probably beer.

How many televisions do you have in your house? How big is the biggest?

Three, one in each room. The biggest is 40 inch, I guess.

Have you ever been to Arizona? Did you like it?

Never been to the US.

Do you have any exercise equipment in your home?

Yeah, dumbbells. I’ve been using them to regain strength in my arm.

Are you a gossip-loving sort of person?

No. I find it disgusting. You must have no life if you live the lives of others.

What brand of laptop or computer do you own or use most often?

Acer Aspire 17. It’s 4 years old, but I love it.

What did you have for dinner last night?

Probably food, but I may be wrong.

How old were you when you learned to tie your own shoelaces?

Older than or-ther kids, due to lack of coordination.

Have you ever felt like you were making a mistake when dating someone?

I never “dated”, I don’t even understand the concept. But yeah, I felt that with Jay.

^ Did you continue the relationship or end it when you realized?

I continued, in that naive hope he’s gonna change into better. Hre never did.

When was the last time it rained where you live?

Today lol. It rains almost every day.

Have you ever bought one of those ‘As Seen on TV’ products?

Lol no. I don’t get caught on scam.

What brand are the shoes you last wore?

Primark. Like, really.

Do you think you look similar to your siblings?

I know I don’t. My sister is a dark blonde, and shorter than me.

Have you started watching any new TV shows recently?

Nah, I’m rewatching my old favourites.

When was the last time you sat in the back seat of a car?

Last Friday. Damn our car is small.

Are you good at answering random general knowledge trivia questions?

Usually yes. But much depends on the subject.

Have you ever been obsessive over calories, exercise etc.?

No, but I have an eating disorder anyway. Maybe specifically not about calories, but about exercise.

What is your favorite shape of pasta?

Penne.

Have you ever played Cards Against Humanity? Did you like it?

Never played it and, honestly, I’m not even interested.

Are you going to work or school tomorrow?

No. Due to misunderstanding at work, I’ll have to stay home until Thursday. ?o fun in being disabled, I’m telling you.

When did you wake up today?

At 6:00. Had to go to work.

What is the time right now?

23:09. Time to bed.

[saffyspirals]

Hiii. Hope you're doing great! Ok so this might sound wierd but what if toman had a friend who sleeps around to get information for them but they don't know about how she does it until emma spills the tea.

𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚘.

(tenjiku version)

genre: hurt/comfort, fluffy ending

word count: 1.8k

warnings: implied underaged sex, toman has platonic relationship with y/n except baji who’s crushing on her

author’s note: i actually got so into writing this request, it’s legit the longest thing i’ve ever written. thank you for sending it in!

“you can take a shower here, you know?” he suggests, sliding out from the covers and walking over to your figure by the door. his arms wrap around you, his head nestles into your shoulder. “or…we could have a little more fun, then take a shower together?”

“i’ll happily climb back into bed if you’ve got any more intel.” you remind, patting him to let you go. he heaves a dramatic sigh, muttering something along the lines of you being no fun. you give his room a final once over, making sure none of your belongings have been left behind, before you leave.

you’d been conducting “business” like this for a while now; sleeping with members of gangs enemy to toman, in exchange for valuable information. while you weren’t an official member, you were close with mikey and draken, and a good number of the captains and vice captains of each division. you couldn’t fight, but wanted to help the boys however you could. and this was the only solution you could come up with.

save for emma, who’d caught you walking home with a rival gang member and demanded an explanation, nobody knew how you got your information. mikey had questioned it once, but with a quick wave of your hand and a smile, you’d managed to dodge the question.

the cold night air still pricks your skin, despite the fact that you were wearing an oversized black jacket — gifted to you by your most recent customer. you think it would help if you stopped at a convenience store on the way home. with some food to distract you, the cold might not be so bad.

it’s relatively close by; a content sigh leaves your lips as you’re enveloped by the warmth of the building. you take yourself to the snacks aisle, humming softly as you wonder what to get. once you make your decision, you stand on the tips of your toes to get the chocolate bar on the top shelf. that’s when you feel two hands start tickling your hips. you jolt away from the touch, giving up on reaching the chocolate to face the mystery individual.

“did i scare you? didn’t mean to, y/n.” the individual turns out to be takashi mitsuya. he reaches up himself to get your desired snack, handing it to you once he’s got it. you thank him, quietly, to which he smiles.

“what’re you doing out so late? did your mother kick you out again?” he asks, picking out a bunch of snacks as he waits for your reply.

“no,” you say, coupling your answer up with the shake of your head. “i’m just out and about tonight.” he acknowledges your answer with a soft hum of understanding.

“well, wanna come back to mine? the house is empty tonight — parents are working and my sisters are at a sleepover. some of the guys are there too, as well as emma.”

you gladly accept his offer, knowing there would be nothing better to do at home. mitsuya pays for the stupid amount of snacks he purchased, as well as your own. the ones he got were all requested by the boys. parked outside is mitsuya’s ride. he instructs you to hold on tight before speeding off towards his place.

the guys; mikey, draken, hakkai, baji and chifuyu, as well as emma are in the middle of playing cards when you arrive. quick greetings are thrown about before you join in the circle, between baji and emma. mitsuya berates them for continuing the game without him, but ultimately gets over it quickly when they start again, to accommodate both you and him.

now feeling warm, you choose to remove your jacket, placing it down on your lap when you do. emma’s attention is drawn away from the game to you; she raises an eyebrow in question.

“that’s a guy’s jacket, right?” everyone stops playing at the mention of a guy. you narrow your eyes at emma, who does nothing, unfazed.

“yeah, a friend of mine gave it to me.”

“what friend?” baji drops his cards down on the table, now curious about you, and the jacket. hakkai, who’s beside him, doesn’t hesitate to take a peek at his cards.

“does it matter?” you sigh, silently cursing emma for bringing up the topic in the first place.

having found out about what you do recently, emma had yet to wrap her head around it. she’d advised you to stop; the guys, and the rest of toman wouldn’t like what you were doing. you’d (obviously) brushed off her words and continued, which apparently wasn’t going to fly with her.

“it only makes us more curious if you don’t say who.” draken points out. frustration slowly starts to build up.

“none of you even know him. he’s no one.” emma touches your thigh, resulting in you looking at her again. you know what she wants you to do, now that she’s created the opportunity, but you don’t want to. you knew emma was right; nobody would like what you were doing, but it was the only way you could help out.

“they’ll find out eventually.”

“they won’t if you zip it.” you hiss back.

“find out what? y/n, what’s going on?” you glance at mitsuya, who’s sat across the circle. his concern is slowly becoming more and more obvious on his face.

emma and yourself remain silent. she gestures for you to spit it out, but you remain tight lipped. a staring contest ensues between you, neither one of you willing to back down from what you want. she eventually looks away, making her the loser.

“she’s been sleeping with members of other gangs. that’s how she knows secret stuff about our rivals.”

but, emma does what she wants anyway.

a heavy silence befalls the room. you refuse to meet the eyes of any of your friends, favouring casting your gaze downwards to your lap. not looking at all of them doesn’t make it any difference; you can feel the heat that comes with their darkened stares.

chifuyu speaks up first, “is that supposed to be a joke?”

his question sets off mikey, who talks next. “does it sound like one? y/n, what the hell is that about?!” his voice remains even, but he sounds beyond pissed. you take your bottom lip between your teeth, gnawing at it gently.

“why would you do that?” chifuyu continues.

“what’s the problem?” you snap, looking around the room to glare back at all the angry expressions. “i’m helping you guys! if anything, you should be thanking me!”

“what are you, an idiot? you—”

“mikey.” draken places a firm hand on his captain’s shoulder, effectively stopping him from going off. “that’s enough.”

“but she’s-”

“i know.” he too, sounds mad. your frustration starts boiling over, resulting in tears welling up. mitsuya’s jaw slackens immediately, his pissed expression returns to his previous concern.

“y/n…”

“no, shut up.” you hastily scramble to your feet, jacket in hand. you go out of the living room, into the hall, where you’d left your bag. when you get to the front door, you hear a faint, “i’ve got her.” before somebody follows after you.

baji catches your hand, just before you can get too far. without a word, he takes you back to the house, and sits you down on the steps outside. still trying to hold it together, you chew on your lip harder. his hand comes to the back of your head, and you’re made to lay on his chest. it’s a green light for you to just let it out already. you cling to him tightly as you sob, hard enough that you’re shaking. baji stares off ahead, knowing you’d be embarrassed if he watched your breakdown.

it’s over soon, your violent sobs become quiet sniffs and hiccups. when you’re calm enough to talk, you let him go, wiping your face with the sleeves of your top.

“so, you couldn’t trust your best friend enough to tell him?” there’s no evidence in his tone that suggests he’s accusing you. actually, he looks so calm that nobody would believe that minutes ago, he too had been looking at you with such a dark expression.

“you’d kill me, baji.” you say. baji huffs, clearly not satisfied with your answer. although, you’re sure any answer you gave would be dissatisfactory.

“yeah? then how are you still breathing?” you roll your eyes at that.

“you all just don’t get it. i can’t fight alongside you, i’m useless at that. so this is the least i can do! i’m trying to help you.”

baji remains quiet for a bit, as if trying to come up with the right thing to say.

“you’re such an idiot.” and if that had been his plan, he’d failed miserably. you nudge him, hard. “you are.” he insists. “y/n, you’re the biggest idiot i’ve ever known.”

tired of being insulted, you open your mouth, ready to fire something back at him. baji doesn’t give you the chance to; shifting closer, he leans his forehead against yours, taking away any thoughts or desires to say anything nasty. your eyes flicker up to meet his.

“you’re the one who doesn’t get it. we all got mad because we care. it’s shit, knowing that you were using your body like that just for us. we didn’t even realise.”

“baji, i—”

“i’m talking, you’re listening.” he interrupts. “helpful or not — which you are, even if you don’t have any information to give us, we’d rather you be safe than anything else. you’re fucking family, y/n. and we all love you, just like a real family would.”

you appreciate the effort he’s making at being serious, but it’s hard not to smile when you catch his eyes lingering on your lips. you lick them, slowly, and his eyes flicker back to yours.

“are you sure that’s all you see me as?” you tease, smile growing wider when the tips of his ears turn red.

“why’re you asking me?” he grumbles, leaning away from you. “i’ll answer that another time, alright?” you nod, basking in the warmth that spreads across your body when he presses a quick kiss to your head. “let’s go back in.”

once in the living room, you can’t even begin to think up anything to say to any of them before you’re tackled into a hug by mikey. you stiffen, but eventually relax into his touch.

“i’m sorry,” you say, offering him a smile. “i didn’t think about how you’d feel about me doing all that.”

mikey pets the top of your head, returning your smile.

“the same goes for me. i didn’t mean to get angry.”

you take turns hugging the rest of your friends, excluding hakkai, who completely avoids your gaze. (mitsuya translates that he’s happy you’re okay).

as per your request, another round of cards is started up. you know there’s no way any of the boys were even close to being done talking about what you’ve been doing behind their backs. but still, as difficult as the conversation will be, you figure it won’t be a total mess; you do have pretty sweet friends.

“you fucking bastard, stop looking at my goddamn cards!”

the sweetest friends.

[here’s my masterlist] !

[supercap2319]

The Prince and The Fairy Chapter 10

Pairing: Sky X Male Reader

A/N. Okay, so a couple of things to know. This chapter is 6,338 words, the longest chapter I’ve ever written omg. The second thing is, there’s not full-on smut in this chapter, but there is oral sex, blowjobs, handjobs, whatever the correct term. It's my first time writing something like this other than that part in chapter 5. Anyways, enjoy and thank you for the support. Warning: Long read lol.

It's Fairies vs Specialists in a beer pong match. It's Y/N, Bloom, and Aisha versus Sky, Riven, and… Brandon? Timmy? Helia? Y/N couldn't remember the last Specialist’s name. Bloom throws first and misses. Aisha is next and misses as well. Y/N tries and is successful as Sky drinks up. Riven is up next and effortlessly makes a shot in the cup, without even looking.

Sky looks at Y/N with his hand out in offering. “Your Majesty,” he says, as Y/N drinks the beer, making a face as he swallows the liquid. They all giggled at that.

Aisha is up next. “We need this,” Bloom says to her. “I got you.”

“Try it,” Sky taunts.

Aisha throws her shot, as Y/N’s eyes glow blue and little tiny snowflakes help it make it into the cup. Bloom’s eyes flash red at the cup the ball made it into. Sky picks up the cup and quickly puts it down as if he’d been burned. Watching as steam rises out of the cup. “This beer’s hot. Did you–”

“Drink up! Them’s the rules,” Bloom giggles.

Sky grabs the hot beer and is about to take a drink, but Y/N’s eyes flash blue again, and suddenly the beer is a lot colder than it was a second ago. Sky looks at Y/N, who smiles at him.

It's Riven’s turn again, as he lines up for a shot. “Use your magic to bounce it out,” Bloom whispers to Aisha.

“Come on, Riv, don't mess up,” Sky says.

Aisha's eyes glowed dark blue as Riven shot the ball and made it into the cup, but Aisha’s magic bounced it right out. It would have been okay, but unfortunately, her powers caused all the cups of beer to spill over and all over Riven. Riven looked down at his wet white shirt, his face drenched with beer. He glared up at Aisha. “What the fuck?!”

Aisha looked absolutely mortified at the mess she made as Bloom stifled a laugh. Other people saw what happened and began to laugh as well. “Sorry, honestly. Sorry, I'm gonna go get some paper towels.” Aisha headed off in search of paper towels, while Bloom and Y/N helped to pick up cups off the ground. “Here, Riven, let me help,” Y/N said, holding out his hand and his eyes glowed blue. “This is going to feel a bit cold.” Y/N focused on freezing the liquid stain on his shirt and watched as it froze before it fell to the ground. His shirt was no longer wet, but his face still was. “Thanks. I guess,” Riven grumbled.

“Where’d you learn how to do that?” Bloom asked.

“H2O Just Add Water,” Y/N grinned then turned towards Sky. “Are you feeling a little more relaxed?”

“Ah, certainly drunker,” Sky admitted.

“Yeah, so much for not drinking tonight,” Riven put a hand on Sky’s shoulder. Y/N frowned. “You weren’t going to drink tonight?”

Before Sky can respond Riven, speaks first. “He's a bit more fun than Stella. Although… reminds me of Ricki.” Riven grins. He knows he's being an ass. Y/N had done a nice thing and dried his wet shirt, but he felt humiliated. He was cranky and just a bit drunk and took it out on Y/N and Sky.

“Who's Ricki?” Bloom asks.

“Riv, don't,” Sky warns him, but Riven doesn't listen to him.

“You live with Stella and don't know what happened to her last roommate?”

“I don't. But I’d certainly would love to,” Bloom said.

Y/N can see how uncomfortable Sky is. He’s practically killing Riven with his death glare. “Hey, guys, maybe we should stop–”

“See, Ricki was Stella’s best mate. Till she flirted a little bit too much with Sky here. Just like your brother,” Riven says, pointing at Y/N.

“Riv. I would never–” Sky began.

“Oh, of course not. But that didn't matter to Stella. And she showed everyone what a legit psycho she was,” Riven told them.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bloom asked.

“Stella used her magic to blind her. On purpose. She blinded her best mate.”

“But that… That can't be true,” Bloom chuckled nervously.

“Yeah. That's the story,” Sky said, angrily.

“It's a lie,” Y/N said, suddenly. Everyone turned to him with puzzled looks. “It’s a lie. I can't be true.”

“Oh, and you know this because you know Stella so well?” Riven scoffed. “Isn't it bad enough you stole her boyfriend?”

“Knock it off, Riven!” Sky warns.

“It's okay, Blue Eyes. I got this.” Y/N looks Riven in the eyes. “You wanna know why that story is shit?”

“Why?”

“Because Stella and I were alone twice since I first got here, and she had the chance to do what she did to Ricki, but she never did,” Y/N told him. Y/N glared at Riven. “I was trying to be a good roommate and help you out, but it looks like you don't deserve it.” Y/N’s eyes glow blue as he freezes Riven’s shirt and Bloom, getting the hint. Eyes glow red as she melts the ice on the shirt and leaves it even wetter than before.

“What the hell! You freaks!” Riven cries.

“Maybe Beatrix has an extra shirt,” Y/N said, walking away.

Bloom and Sky watch him leave. “I'm gonna go find Aisha,” she says, walking away as well.

….

“Hey, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that,” Y/N apologized to Sky. He knew Riven was Sky’s best friend and even though he totally deserved it. Y/N apologized anyway. Sky wasn't as angry as he had been before, but he wasn't smiling either. He looked kind of hot when he was mad.

Sky sighed. “It's alright. Riven asked for it. You were trying to be nice and he shouldn't have brought up that stuff with Ricki.”

“It's not true, is it?” Y/N asked him. “Stella didn't really do it, did she?”

“What makes you think she didn't?”

“Because if she was that mean and ruthless. Then she would have done it the other day at the Stone Circle when she tried to taunt me,” Y/N explained. “Stella may be a bitch on heels, but she’d never do something like that. Would she?”

Sky sighed in defeat. His boyfriend was very intuitive. “You're right. She didn't really do it. “It had been an accident.”

“Then why would people think that she did? And why let them?”

“Because of Queen Luna, Stella’s mother. She believes it's better to be feared by her people than liked and show weakness,” Sky explains.

“That's stupid. No one’s going to follow someone out of fear,” Y/N said. “I know that. And you know that, but the Queen doesn't,” Sky said.

Before Y/N can protest Sky’s phone pings. It was a text from Silva. Apparently, Marco and his team had found the Burned One that had infected Silva. Silva was going to be okay. “They killed the Burned One. I'm sorry, Y/N, but I have to go.” Sky begins to walk away from his boyfriend. “Wait, Blue Eyes I'll come–”

Y/N’s own phone chimes. It's a text from Bloom. She found a picture of the Fairy who left them in the First World. He ran to find his sister and hopefully, find some answers. He found Bloom and Aisha waiting for him. Bloom had a bottle of beer in her hands. “How many of those have you had?”

“Relax. Only one,” she said, but slurred a bit.

Great. Just what he needed. A drunk sister when they were so close to solving this mystery. Bloom told him she found some old picture frames in the abandoned East Wing of the school while searching for Aisha. One, in particular, had caught her eye. Standing in the middle of some students was the same woman with blonde hair and wrinkled eyes, wearing a military coat. The real kicker was. She was standing next to Ms. Dowling.

“She's standing right next to Ms. Dowling,” Bloom said, showing the photo she took.

“And you're absolutely sure this is the woman from your memory?” Aisha asked. “Not another, maybe?”

“One hundred percent, Aisha,” Y/N said. “It's her. The woman I saw that night, too. Which means Dowling knows something, and she's hiding it from me, again.”

“Okay. We'll talk to her tomorrow,” Aisha said.

“Tomorrow?” Bloom asked.

“Let's go home. You're pissed off, and we're all a little drunk. And I can do some more homework–”

“She lied to me. Lied to my brother. I'm not waiting until tomorrow to go find answers,” Bloom said angrily.

“Bloom.” Y/N sighed. “Maybe Aisha is right. I mean, we’re not in our right minds and Sky–”

Bloom whirls around to him. “Are you being serious right now, Y/N?” She couldn't believe her baby brother was more interested in finding his stupid boyfriend than finding out why they were placed in the First World. “You’d rather hang out with Sky than find out answers to the visions we had?”

“I didn't say that, Bloom.”

“Oh, really? Because it sure sounds like you did.” Bloom glared at him. Y/N glared back. Bloom's fiery temper had come to light. This was the same glare she’d give their mother when they argue.

“No one wants answers more than me, Bloom. I spent a week trying to find answers to why I was different. Why would someone do that to us? You only just got here,” Y/N told her, his own anger rising. “So don't tell me what I should and shouldn't do. You have no idea what I had to go through by myself!”

“Oh, so you're a badass now, huh?” Bloom’s eyes glow red.

“And don't you forget it,” Y/N’s eyes flashed blue.

“Alright, calm down, both of you!” Aisha says.

The two siblings huff and look away from each other. “Let's just go to bed, and talk about it tomorrow.” Bloom shook her head. “No, I'm not waiting.”

“Okay then. Have fun.” She turned to leave, but Bloom reached out a hand to stop her. “You're not gonna come?”

“You wanna see the Headmistress at midnight, wasted? Go for it,” Aisha tells them. “While you're at it, why don't you hit the Stone Circle and nuke your magic? Maybe you'll get another signal from your long-lost fairy guide. ’Cause that makes sense.”

Bloom opens and closes her mouth. Not sure what to say to that. “I'm done pulling you from the edge, Bloom. If you want to jump, jump. Y/N take care of her.” Aisha walks away from them. Bloom scoffs in annoyance and stumbles in the direction of Ms. Dowling. Y/N follows after her.

…

Sky walks toward the Bastion training area. Silva is waiting for him, sitting on the training mat. He looks even worse than last time. He has black veins around his neck. He sighs as he can hear Sky’s footsteps walking towards him. “How do you feel?” Sky asks hopefully. When Silva said they killed it. Sky was overjoyed. He had left Y/N hanging, but he would make it up to him later on after he knew Silva was going to be okay.

The wounds should have been healed. The gash on his side should be all but nonexistent. But they weren't. They were still there. Silva turned towards Sky, his blue eyes wild with nervousness. “You said they killed it,” Sky said, disappointed.

“They did,” Silva says.

“Then why are your wounds not healed?” Sky asked.

“The one they killed mustn’t have been the one that attacked me.” Silva takes a shaky breath. It’s almost like talking is draining his energy. “Clearly, there’s more than one of these creatures out there.”

“So the Battalion will keep looking–”

“It’s too late, Sky,” Silva tells the young Prince. “It’s over.” Sky couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Had Silva just given up? The same man who taught Sky to never give up, no matter the odds. Now here he was, breaking his own philosophy.

“You told me… to wait,” Sky said angrily. He could have done something during that time, and instead he chose to listen to Silva and wait. Because he thought Silva was right. He wasn’t.

“It was all there was to do.”

“And the one thing you always told me about my father was that he died fighting. And now you’re just gonna lie here and take it?” Sky asked him.

Silva didn’t respond.

“Fuck that!”

Sky had never spoken to Silva like that before and at the moment, he really didn’t care. If Silva didn’t care about saving his own life, then Sky would do it for him. Sky angrily gets off the training mat and walks away from Silva. Hot tears of anger are running down his face as Silva calls his name. “Sky.”

“Fuck that!”

Silva sighs as he watches Sky’s silhouette run back towards the school.

….

Y/N and Bloom found Ms. Dowling in an empty courtyard with Ben Harvey, having a drink. They are talking about the threat of the Burned Ones as Bloom strolls up to them, phone out and her anger rising. “You both should be in bed.”

“And you should have told us the truth,” Bloom fired back. She shows her the picture on her phone as Ms. Dowling looks at Professor Harvey. He nods his head and walks away. “What is this?” Ms. Dowling asks tensely. She knows something, and she’s trying to cover it up, but not doing a very good job of it.

“This woman? The woman standing next to you left us in the First World,” Y/N says.

Ms. Dowling sighs. “Rosalind.”

“Who is she?”

“She preceded me as Headmistress,” Ms. Dowling begins. I was her student, then her protégé.”

“You were there 16 years ago when she did it?” Y/N asked.

“I told you the circumstances surrounding your birth are as much a mystery to me as they are to you.”

“Can’t you see how that’s getting harder and harder for us to believe?” Bloom said.

“Bloom,” Y/N said.

“You’re both drunk. Perhaps we can have this conversation when you’re not,” Ms. Dowling advises.

“Every picture of her was shoved into the abandoned East Wing. Tell me that's not suspicious.”

“Rosalind was Headmistress during a difficult period in Alfea’s history. It's not a time we're keen on celebrating.”

“Well, can we at least talk to her?” Y/N asked. “Maybe she can tell why she did what she did.”

“I'm afraid that's impossible,” Ms. Dowling said.

“Really? ’Cause a week ago, we had a vision. A memory of the day she left us in the First World,” Bloom said.

“She said, ‘Find me,’” Y/N said. “You have to let us talk to her.”

“She's dead, Y/N. Bloom,” Ms. Dowling said.

“What?”

“She's been dead for years.”

Ms. Dowling looks both siblings in the eyes as she says, “I don't know what you saw, or why you saw it, but that is where this ends.” She says in a tone that leaves no room for debate. She turns to leave. “You can't just leave us like this. If you know something, then please tell us. I'm tired of not knowing who I really am,” Y/N tells Ms. Dowling. She turns to Y/N, her gaze softens a bit.

“I'm sorry, Y/N. I truly am. I know you and Bloom want answers to your questions, but I don't have them. Good night,” she leaves after that.

Bloom is pissed when Ms. Dowling leaves. “Bitch!” She says angrily. “I'm going to go get some more beer,” she says, as she storms off, leaving Y/N by himself. The young Ice Fairy lets a few tears fall down from his face. They had come so close this time. They had a name to a face, but it didn't matter because this woman, Rosalind, was dead. Search over. Y/N was about to leave for his dorm when a thought occurred to him. Aisha said if Bloom had channeled all her magic at the Stone Circle, then she might get a signal. Maybe if Y/N did that, he might get an answer. He could lose his powers in the process, but it would be worth it. Fuck the consequences.

Y/N stormed to the ancient Stone Circle, a trail of ice following him as he did so. The surrounding air got cold enough that he could see his breath, but he didn't care. The cold didn't bother him, anyway. Ice magic formed on the palms of his hands in an icy snowflake form. He could feel particles of ice swirling around his body, and if someone had been there, then they would have seen a faint shape on his back. They almost looked like wings. Y/N was ready to release his magic. Freeze this place and maybe even this school. He didn't care. Then a thought occurred to him. What would Sky think if he knew what Y/N was going to do? Would he call him selfish for doing this? He couldn't be that selfish.

Y/N called off his magic and began to cry. He pounded his fists against the stone as he let more tears cascade down his face. He was so upset that he didn't hear Sky come up behind him. “Y/N?”

Y/N gasps and turns around to see Sky standing there. He's in his Specialist gear, his sword strapped at his back. Just like a knight. “What are you doing out here?” he asked.

Y/N dried his tears with his hands. “I could ask you the same thing, Blue Eyes.” Sky walked up to him and looked down at his boyfriend. “Why are you really out here, Y/N? You know you can tell me anything.”

Y/N sighed. “Last week when Silva was infected by Burned One, I had a vision.”

“A vision about what?”

“About the woman who left my sister and I in the First World. We spent the entire week searching for answers, and tonight we found out her name. It's Rosalind.”

“Then why do you look so sad?” Sky asked.

Y/N looked at Sky with watery eyes. “She's dead, Sky. We can't ask her anything. And I came here to use all my magic and maybe get an answer, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't be that selfish.”

Sky gave him a sympathetic look. “I'm so sorry, Baby boy.” Sky hugged him, as Y/N cried. Sky rubbed his back and whispered comforting things to him until he calmed down. “Thanks for watching me ugly cry,” Y/N joked.

Sky laughed. “You're welcome.” Y/N finally looked at Sky and saw he was in his Specialist's gear. “Blue eyes, why are you wearing your armor?” Sky looked down at his gear and then back at Y/N. “Midnight training session?” Sky said, but it came out more like a question.

“Wow, and I thought I was a bad liar.”

“I'm not–”

“Please don't lie to me, Blue Eyes,” Y/N told him. “I’ve already had too many people lie to me.”

“I'm sorry, Baby boy,” Sky apologizes. He sighed as he told Y/N the truth. “Silva is dying.”

“But I thought that–”

“The Burned One that they killed wasn't the right one,” Sky said. Y/N is shocked by that news. He thought that they had finally gotten rid of that monster, but apparently not. “It's still out there.”

“And you're planning on fighting it by yourself? Are you completely insane?” Y/N said.

“Y/N, I've been training to fight since I was six years old. I can take care of myself–”

“Don't care. I'm coming with you.”

Sky shook his head. “No, you're not. Y/N, that thing almost killed you twice and I don't want you facing it a third time.”

“I'm coming with you, and I don't care what you say,” Y/N says, stubbornly.

“Y/N,” Sky warns.

“Staying right here.”

Before Sky can protest, Y/N turns his head towards the forest as he can hear voices calling out his name. “Y/N. Y/N.” Y/N gasps at the mystical voices. “Y/N? What’s wrong?” Sky asks. Y/N looks spaced out. “I think I can feel it. The Burned One… Blue Eyes, I think it’s in the forest. Maybe we should–”

Sky runs past Y/N and into the forest. “Sky!” Y/N chases after him, texting his sister and his friends to meet him in the forest. They run through the woods and pass through the barrier by the waterfall. The whispers were getting louder and more clear. They run into a clearing in the forest. “Y/N! Y/N!”

“It’s so close,” Y/N warns.

Sky unsheathed his sword. Good idea. Y/N makes himself some ice daggers. Sky looks down at weapons in Y/N’s hands. “Are you sure you can handle those?”

“We’ll see.”

“I still wanna know why you can track these things,” Sky said. They stood back to back. “One of the many mysteries of my life I could be solving in the protective embrace of the Barrier,” Y/N joked as they looked around, searching for the creature.

What they didn’t realize was that the Burned One was right behind them. It growled as it jumped down from the tree and pounced on them.

The creature takes a swipe, but Sky jumps back. It tries again, but Sky blocks it with his sword. Y/N tries to stab it with his daggers, but the Burned One knocks the weapons out of his hands and tries to slash him. Y/N falls onto the ground as Sky ducks and blocks another strike, as it knocks his sword out of his hands. Sky grabs his dagger from his front holster, but before he can use it, the Burned One knocks him down as well. It charges at the fallen Prince.

“No!” Y/N sends a double cryokinetic blast at the monster and knocks it back and away from Sky. The creature charges again as someone calls out. “Close your eyes!” Y/N and Sky shut their eyes as the forest is illuminated with blinding lights. The Burned One shrieks as it’s blinded and staggered back. Terra and Sam use their nature magic to summon ivy roots from the ground and wrap them around the creature’s legs. The monster tugs and pulls until it's free of its root prison. Bloom’s eyes flash red as she summons a blast of fire at the Burned One. “Aisha!” she says. Aisha uses her water magic to put out Bloom’s fire and create a wall of steam. The Burned One walks around, disoriented.

Sky comes up from behind it, his sword gleaming in the moonlight as he stabs the creature in the heart as it roars in pain. Sky twists the sword and pulls it out as the Burned One falls to the ground. The creature groans softly, then all is quiet. The Seven Fairies walked towards the dead corpse as Musa’s eyes flash purple. “Wait. I don't think it's–”

The creature gets up quickly and is about to attack them when suddenly, the monster is paralyzed by glowing energy inside its body. There is a blinding light and the Burned One is incinerated from the inside out. It falls dead on the ground. “No, it wasn't dead.” a voice says. The teenagers turn to see Ms. Dowling standing there. Her eyes go back to their normal color. “It is now.”

The sound of clacking heels echoes in the space of the empty courtyard as Ms. Dowling walks towards the seven Fairies and one Specialist Prince. “That the lot of you and Headmaster Silva are still alive does not change how thoughtless you all were. We’ll discuss consequences in the morning.” She walked away from the teenagers, a hint of a smile underneath her angry features.

“Is she, like, detention pissed off or expulsion pissed off?” Aisha whispered. Musa smirks as her eyes flash purple. “I’m going with the first one, but only because of the tiny bit of pride I also felt in there.”

“I should go check on Silva,” Sky gets up.

“We should get upstairs,” Bloom says.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll see you guys upstairs,” Sam says.

Y/N nods his head, getting up and turning to leave, but Sky stops him. “Will you come with me to see Silva?” Sky asks nervously. His blue eyes are shining. Y/N nods his head. “Of course, I will.” Sky smiles at him as they head towards the greenhouse where Professor Harvey is removing Silva’s bandages. “All right?”

“Yes, yeah,” Professor Harvey says. Silva sees Y/N and Sky walk in and is furious with the young Prince. He gets off the table and points to Sky. “You are an idiot!”

“I know.”

“A stupid, impulsive, reckless idiot.”

“I know. I know! But is it better?” Sky asks him. “But is it better?” Sky looks at Ben Harvey. “Professor Harvey?”

Ben smiles.

“Don't smile at him!” Silva orders.

Sky pulls Silva into a hug and holds on tight. Silva’s still pissed at Sky, but he smiles just a little as he hugs the young man back. Sky did it–no, they had done it, together. Silva lets go and puts a hand on Sky’s neck, looking into his baby blues as he said, “Your dad would’ve been proud.” Sky’s chest swells with pride. “Good lad,” Silva says, then looks at Y/N. “Both of you.”

….

Y/N and Sky were laying on Sky’s bed. Sky shirtless and in sweats, and Y/N wore pajamas wrapped up in Sky’s arms like they had been last week, only this time things were different. Silva was better, and they had found the mystery Fairy from Y/N and Bloom’s vision, even if she was dead. It was silent between the two boys, who were just enjoying each other's company.

Sky broke the silence. “Thank you, Y/N. You helped me save Silva. Saved me.”

Y/N smiled. “You're welcome. I couldn't lose you to a Burned One.” Sky tightens his grip on Y/N. “You'll never lose me,” he promises.

“That's good to know.”

A thought comes to Sky as wiggles around until he’s facing Y/N. “I never thanked you, did I?” Y/N turns as well until they’re facing each other. He frowns. “I'm pretty sure you already did, Blue Eyes.” Sky looked into Y/N’s eyes, a glint in his baby blues. “Not like that,” he says. “Well, in what way did you m–”

Sky cut off Y/N’s sentence as he kissed him. Y/N was stunned at first, but then began to kiss Sky back. Sky ran a hand to the back of Y/N’s head and brought him closer to deepen their kiss. Y/N groaned against Sky’s lips as he rolled them until Sky was on top of him. “Fancy move there, Blue Eyes.” Y/N smiled.

“Yeah, I'm full of surprises,” Sky said, moving his lips towards Y/N’s neck and began to nip and suck on it. Y/N moans out as Sky’s soft lips continue their assault on his neck. It felt really good. Y/N wrapped a hand around the back of Sky’s head and ran his fingers through his golden locks and cranked his head out more to give Sky better access to his neck. Sky smirked against him as he continued to suck on the tender flesh, intending on leaving a hickey. Sky pulled away a minute later. “Looks like someone is enjoying himself.” Y/N blushed a bit at Sky’s words, but hey sue him, it felt really good.

“Maybe we should get rid of this,” Sky said, tucking at Y/N’s shirt. Sky let Y/N up and helped him remove his shirt before pushing him gently back on the bed. “Blue Eyes, wait. I think we–”

“Shhh. It's okay, love. I promise we won't go all the way tonight,” Sky tells him. “Just… Let me make you feel good, okay?”

Y/N was scared. Having never done anything like this before, but he trusted Sky wouldn’t hurt him or force him into anything uncomfortable. Y/N nodded his head. “Okay.” Sky smiled sweetly at him before placing another kiss on his lips.

The Prince moved to Y/N’s neck, which had a purple bruise on it. He then started to move down to his chest, stopping and admiring the soft nipples. They looked like puffy pink puffballs. Sky sticks out his tongue and licks his way towards them, Y/N moving beneath him. Sky teases the nipple with his tongue, hoping to get it hard. He scrapes his teeth against it and the young Fairy squirms against him. Sky moves to the other one and teases and plays with it, making Y/N gasp.

Sky then begins to kiss his way down Y/N’s body until he makes it to the waistline of his pajama bottoms. A noticeable tent in his pants. Sky smirks and cockily asks. “And who do we have here? A little friend who’s come to play as well?”

“Don’t be a tease, Blue Eyes,” Y/N glares at the blonde.

“Why not? I’m in control here, aren’t I?”

“You’re not in con–oh god!” Y/N moans out as Sky cups his bulge and bucks his hips forward into that warm heat. Sky smirked. “What was that, Baby boy? I’m not in control?”

Y/N licked his lips and looked at Sky with pleasing eyes. “Blue Eyes, p-please?”

“Please what?”

“You know what. Don’t make me say it.”

“Not sure I do. You’re going to have to be more specific, love,” Sky teases.

“Please suck me,” Y/N admitted with a red face. “I need you to make me feel good down there.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely.”

Sky grabbed Y/N’s pants and pulled them down his legs and off his body, leaving him in his boxers. Sky grabbed the underwear as well, then looked up at Y/N, waiting for the okay. Y/N nodded his head and Sky pulled the underwear down as well, freeing Y/N's hardened manhood.

“Well, I was wrong. My little friend isn’t so little after all,” Sky says, looking at Y/N’s leaking dick. He wants to taste it. Sky wraps a hand around the leaking prick and gives it an experimental tug. Y/N’s moans are a good indicator that he liked what Sky just did. Sky leans down and gives the head a kitten lick and his boyfriend shakes beneath him. Deciding not to prolong this any further Sky, engulfs the dick. “Oh, fuck!” Y/N groans as Sky sucks him off. Sky’s warm, wet cavern feels so good on his cock. It feels much better than his own hand ever could feel.

Y/N weaved his fingers through Sky’s hair, grabbing a fist full of golden hair as he tried to get more of Sky’s heat. “Man, Blue Eyes,” Y/N groans out. “You sure have a wickedly talented mouth.” Sky vibrated against Y/N dick in answer to what he had just said. Sky’s tongue laps at his shaft and he swirls his tongue around the head. Y/N is panting. All this sexual energy has him trying to catch his breath. Y/N can feel a pressure building up in his dick. He’s very close now.

“Sky… Blue Eyes…” Y/N practically drools out. “I'm gonna…. Gonna cum!” Instead of backing off Sky, sucks even hard on Y/N’s cock, with the intention of making him come. “Oh, shit!” Y/N’s eyes flash blue as a bunch of snowflakes shimmer in the air around them. The younger boy shoots a white-hot liquid into Sky’s mouth as the snowflakes melt around them and fall onto the floor. Sky swallows the load and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, and smiles.

“That was one hell of a thank you,” Y/N says, coming down from his high.

“Yeah, well, you should see it when I apologize,” Sky joked back.

“It felt really good.”

“Was that the first time someone?–”

“–Someone sucked me off?” Y/N asked. Sky nodded his head. “Yeah, yeah it was,” Y/N blushed red. Sky smiled and kissed Y/N’s lips. “Don't worry, Baby boy. I think that's hot.”

Y/N frowned as he could feel something poking his thighs. Looks like that wasn't the only thing that was hot tonight. Y/N giggled. “Looks like you have a big problem too, Blue Eyes.” Sky flushed at his boyfriend’s teasing. “Need some help with that?” Sky shook his head. “It's alright, love. I can take care of it myself. Tonight was about making you feel good.”

“Yeah, but I want you to feel good too,” Y/N said.

“Just being around you is all I need.”

“That's good to know.” Y/N surged upward and captured Sky's lips in a kiss. The Prince let the Fairy kiss him, unaware of the plan he had in mind. Y/N used his strength and rolled both of them until Y/N was on top of Sky this time. Sky was surprised, then smirked. “Fancy move there, Baby boy. Who taught you that one?”

Y/N smiled. “A really good teacher,” he said, kissing Sky again and moving the Prince’s hands above his head and by the headboard. Y/N pulled back and smirked. Sky tried to sit up, but couldn't. He looked up at his hands and noticed they were bound by a thick round of ice. Ice handcuffs? Kinky!

“What are you doing?” Sky asked.

Helping you out with your problem,” Y/N said. He had never done anything like this before, but he was willing to try so Sky could feel pleasure, too. Y/N thought of how he could use his magic to help him. What would happen if he kissed Sky’s neck with cold lips? Almost like his powers had a mind of their own, Y/N’s lips turned blue.

Y/N leaned down and kissed Sky’s shoulder, who jumped at the cold contact. “What was that? Cold.” Y/N smiled apologetically. “Sorry, cold lips. I can turn them off if you want?” Sky shook his head no. Y/N tried again with his frost lips and began to suck on Sky’s neck, watching as an equivalent to a hickey formed on his soft patch of skin. Frost-hickey. Y/N continued for a few more moments then trailed down Sky’s chest, kissing and licking nipples along the way.

Y/N pulled down Sky’s sweats and left him in tight black boxer briefs, defining the outline of his cock perfectly. Y/N leaned down and licked Sky through his briefs as he groaned out. Y/N smirked. “Now I'm in control. Feel free to beg.”

“No.”

“Stubborn,” Y/N noted. He licked Sky’s cock again through his underwear. He could feel it pulsing underneath his tongue. “You shouldn't tease me like that,” Sky told him.

“Oh, why not? You gonna punish me?” Y/N asked.

“Maybe.”

“That's hot, Blue Eyes.”

Y/N grabbed Sky’s boxers and looked at him and asked for permission. Sky nodded his head. Y/N pulled the undergarments off Sky’s long legs and saw his pulsing dick, leaking and standing at attention. “Wow, is everything about you perfect?” Sky smiled. “Maybe. Guess you'll have to wait and find out.” Y/N looked down at Sky’s cock, worriedly. He's never given someone a blowjob before and he was afraid to mess it up.

Sensing his boyfriend’s worry, Sky smiled gently at him. “Just go slow, baby. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable.” Y/N smiled back. Sky really was perfect. And understanding. Y/N licked his lips and felt them frost over as he started with the base of Sky’s cock licking at his balls, then up the shaft of his dick. Sky squirmed against him. “That feels good, Baby boy.” Y/N continued to lick and lap at Sky’s cock like a lollipop. A very tasty and salty one.

Deciding to at least try Y/N, put his mouth on the tip of Sky’s dick. He sucked and slurped the mushroom head, as pre-cum leaked out like a facet. Sky bucked his hips upward, trying to get more of his manhood in Y/N wet mouth. Y/N minded his teeth as he tried to take more of Sky's big cock into his warm, wet cavern. Y/N took it slowly, as he tried to take all of Sky. He managed to get to the bottom of his dick before pulling back, then going down again, sucking a little faster and harder. Sky moans out in pleasure. For his first time, sucking cock. Y/N was a real natural at it. “Yeah, Y/N, suck me just like.” Sky’s filthy words encouraged Y/N as he used his magic on his mouth and hand to give Sky a frosty blow and hand job.

“Fuck, Baby Boy! Your mouth feels so good on me,” Sky moaned. He was getting closer to releasing. “I'm close. I'm gonna come.”

Y/N put everything he had into one final suck and watched as Sky closed his eyes in pure ecstasy as he shot his pearly colored jizz into Y/N’s mouth. Y/N couldn't swallow all of it, and some of it ran down his lip. Man, that was hot. Y/N wiped his mouth clean and undid his ice handcuffs on Sky’s arms. The Prince got up and wrapped his arms around Y/N and pulled him to lay down and kissed him softly on the lips.

They stared at each other, basking in the afterglow of what they had just done. Y/N looked at Sky with a shy smile on his face as he asked. “How’d I do?” Sky’s eyes were shining like stars as he smiled and told his boyfriend. “You were perfect. Absolutely perfect.” They kissed once again.

[darthkruge]

hello lovely!! i’ve been getting back into star wars lately and i’ve been loving your fics!! and i was wondering if i could make a request?? sort of like,, anakin but he doesn’t turn to the dark side type thing?? like he maybe confesses he’s scared to lose you and you help him through it?? maybe obi wan helps out?? honestly you can take it however you want :)) ty ty

anakin skywalker x reader || rewritten

summary || a rots fix it fic where i take many liberties and give anakin a support system + everyone gets better communication and we think about how it would perhaps end differently

warnings || hella canon divergence, angst w/ a happy ending, some violence (non graphic and not super described)

words || 5.1k (i am legit shocked)

a/n || hello and thank you!! i’m so glad you’ve been loving my fics! this fic was honestly super challenging for me and it ended up being the longest thing i’ve ever written. i made some big changes and lots of smaller ones, but each one was fully intentional. i really, really hope y’all like it <3

main masterlist || anakin masterlist 

gif credit

-----

Anakin awoke with a start, chest heaving and covered in sweat. He was gripping the blankets as he tried to ground himself, frantically looking around as if to discern between reality and the horrid dreamscape his mind created. He whipped his head to the side, visibly relaxing as he saw you staring up at him, a confused look on your face. 

You were no stranger to Anakin’s nightmares but this one seemed unlike any he’d ever had. You slept curled into him and, thus, his jolt caused one of your own. Unsure if he wanted your touch just yet, you reached out to him with the Force. Panic, loss, grief, fear, terror, insecurity. You looked into his eyes, watching as they slowly cleared and he registered your presence. He blinked quickly, trying to clear the tears from his vision and gave you a slight nod. 

Reaching a tentative hand to his shoulder, you suppressed a gasp as you felt him shudder beneath you. You quietly whispered his name and placed a finger under his jaw, guiding his face to yours. You nodded back at him and opened your arms in silent invitation. He crawled into your embrace as you pulled him impossibly close to you, situating yourself against the headboard so you could better wrap yourself around his shaking body. Choked sobs erupted from his lips, each one tearing a hole in your heart. As he finally let himself cry with his face buried into your neck, you held him. By the Maker, you held him. 

He didn’t want to speak just yet and you understood. You’ve always extended the same respect back to him as he gives to you. Tucked into you, Anakin’s fingers squeezed into your flesh, as if trying to remind himself you were solid. You placed a few kisses into his soft hair and onto his forehead, hands running up and down his arms and back. You physically pressed reminders of your love into his skin for hours and, somewhere in the midst of your embrace, he let himself fall into a state of limbo. Unawake, unasleep, umoving, yet feeling everything you had to offer. 

----

When morning came, you reached out once again. The emotions from last night were still evident, just not as strong. Simultaneously, you allowed a small smile to come to you as you felt something new. Warmth, comfort, love. You ran your fingers through Anakin’s hair to pull him to consciousness, needing to see his eyes. Stars, his eyes. While they were absolutely gorgeous, they also always gave him away. You once told him that. “Only for you, my love.” He’d replied. 

“Hi.” He croaked out, meeting your gaze. Your eyes fluttered closed for a second as you took a deep breath in relief. His eyes were clear. You didn’t know how long the shadows would be banished for, but as long as they weren’t constant, you had hope. 

“Hi, baby.” You whispered, allowing yourself to give him another forehead kiss, made easy by your position that you’d somehow remained in throughout the night. You looked at him expectantly and knew he knew what you were asking.

“You… you died,” Anakin started. His eyes were already filling with tears. “It wasn’t clear. There was so much blood. And you kept begging me to help you. You screamed and screamed and screamed and you were in agony and…” 

You took his hand in yours, squeezing his fingers in encouragement to go on.

“I never- I never came for you.” He spit the words out as if they were venomous and shook his head. You could hear the self-hatred in his words, the way he couldn’t grasp the concept of hurting you, ever, and yet how seriously he took this. 

“Hey, hey. Stop, my love.” You said, hoping to pull him out of his spiral. “You would never harm me, Anakin. You would come for me, you always have. That was a horrible dream and I’m so sorry you had to experience it. But it was just a dream, Anakin. It’s not real.” 

He pulled away from you as if he couldn’t stand to feel your gentle touch. “No, no, no! It-” His words were cut off by his uneven breathing, his pulse racing as he relived the nightmare. “It felt like the ones I had about my mother. It felt… prophetic. I’m scared, Y/N, I can’t lose you.” 

You walked over to him, placing your hands on his cheeks and rubbing your thumbs over his cheekbones, hoping to calm him. “You won’t. It takes a lot to kill me, you know? Especially when I have you by my side.” 

Anakin nodded but you could tell he was unconvinced. 

“How about you talk to Obi-Wan about the dreams? He’s always helped you before.” You suggested. 

While normally this would be unthinkable, as it would expose your relationship, Anakin felt himself pulled toward the choice. Inwardly, he admitted that he could definitely use a friend right now. And Obi-Wan had always stood by him. Somehow, he just knew that now would be no different.  

------

Obi-Wan easily swung the door open with the Force before Anakin even had a chance to knock. He knew his former Padawan’s force signature like the back of his hand and had sensed his distress for days. Unbeknownst to Anakin, Obi-Wan had canceled his missions due to this, wanting to stay close for when Anakin eventually came to him for guidance. 

Obi-Wan looked up from his paperwork as he realized Anakin refused to come closer. Huddled behind the door frame, a conflicted and fearful look on his face, Obi-Wan was struck by how similar Anakin looked to the little boy he’d found on Tatooine all those years ago. Many nights, young Anakin would come into Obi-Wan’s room, plagued with nightmares. Just as before, Obi-Wan never turned him away. 

“Something’s troubling you.” 

Anakin sighed, taking a tentative step forward. “You know Master L/N?”

Obi-Wan smiled knowingly, having a sense of where this is going. “Yes, of course. A brilliant strategist, much like yourself.” 

“I…. I’m involved with them, Master.” 

“Involved?” Obi-Wan replied, with a quirked eyebrow.

“Please don’t punish Y/N for this, I know the Council frowns upon relationships. If you need to report it, I understand. But just report me, say they had nothing to do with it. But before you do anything please, Master, listen to what I must tell you. I wouldn’t unless it was absolutely necessary.” Anakin pleaded. 

“Anakin, I know.” 

“Yeah, I mean it truly is necessary-” 

Obi-Wan placed a comforting hand on the younger Jedi’s shoulder. “You misunderstand. I mean, I know.” 

Anakin’s eyes widened with realization before confusion filtered into his gaze. “But we were so careful!” 

“Not as much as you would think,” Obi-Wan said with a slight laugh.

“And you’re not upset?”

He sighed. “Being honest, I was a bit at first. Anakin, you know the rules and you can be so reckless at times! But how could I fault you for your own humanity? And I knew who you were when I met you. I was always aware of your compassion, your capacity for emotions.” Anakin nodded and smiled, but the faraway look in his eye never wavered. 

Clearing his voice, Obi-Wan continued. “Are you alright, Anakin?” 

“No.” The strength of the word shocked them both and caused Anakin to take a moment to compose himself. “They’re dying.”

Panic flashed through Obi-Wan’s expression. “They’re what? What happened? Was it a mission? Do the medics know? Is-” 

“- No, nothing… nothing yet. But it will.” While Obi-Wan didn’t exactly understand, he could tell through Anakin’s tone that his former Padawan believed this with his entire soul. 

“I’ve been having more nightmares.” Anakin said. 

“Like the ones with your mother?” 

Anakin nodded, his gaze muddled as his mind wove through every possibility on how to save you. Coming up with none, he looked up quickly, the lost confusion clear. 

“It’s going to be alright, Anakin. We’re going to do this together.” Obi-Wan offered, trying to comfort his friend. When Anakin nodded this time, his expression had more hope in it. Obi-Wan returned the gesture, tipping his head as Anakin walked out. Before Anakin reached the door, Obi-Wan called his name. 

“Talk to me if you feel troubled. About anything, my friend. And just know… it’s okay to feel afraid. And you’re no less a Jedi because you love them. At least, not in my eyes.” For the first time since he’d walked in the room, Anakin gave a true smile. His former Master inhaled deeply, realizing after hearing those words, Anakin looked more like himself than he had in a long while. 

----- 

A few hours and a Council meeting later, Anakin walked back into your chambers, closing the door with a huff. He wasn’t enraged, per se, but definitely conflicted. You approached him cautiously, heart falling when you saw those familiar clouds back in his eyes. 

“Did Obi-Wan not take it well?”

Anakin shook his head. “It’s not… he was supportive. But the Council has assigned something to me and…” He trailed off and looked at you. Only then did you see his bloodshot, puffy eyes. 

“What did they ask of you, Anakin?” You questioned, coming behind him to gently massage his tense shoulders. 

“I’m needed to spy on the Chancellor. Apparently there’s a Sith Lord somewhere in the Order. They suspect him.” He tried to keep his voice strong, but you could see how torn apart he was by the inflection in his tone. 

You took a breath and tried to process the information. “Will you do it?”

“I don’t know… if the Council tells me I must, then I must. But the Chancellor has only been good to me. I worry about betraying him but I don’t want to let down the Order. I’m not sure how to do this without causing someone harm.” He confessed. 

“They shouldn’t have put you in this position, it’s unfair. And you don’t have to, Ani. I know it feels like you do but you don’t need to bend to each of the Council’s requests. Whatever the fallout, whatever you choose, please know that I’m with you. And so is Obi-Wan. Not that it fixes anything, but at the very least, you’ll always have us.” 

Anakin turned around so he was facing you. “I don’t know what to do.” He whispered, voice laced with hopelessness. 

“Trust yourself. You have a good heart, intelligence, and strong morals. They’ve never failed you before.”

He nodded before leaning into you and your arms instinctively wrapped around him. Your fingertips found their way to his hair, gently weaving through the golden strands. 

“We’ll get through this, yeah?” While it was a question, you both knew you meant it as a statement.

“We’ll get through this.” Anakin echoed. He mumbled the words into your neck where he had buried his face. As if the words could seep into your skin. As if the hope could find its way to your heart and stay there, ever protected, ever true. 

-----

The next day, Anakin found himself in Palpatine’s office. He was wary, guarded. It was evident by the look on his eyes, the way he took a moment before taking another step. It was his training as both a Jedi and a General that allowed him to do this. The careful complexity of planning every move. 

“I heard the Council debating whether or not they should have made you a Master. It seems they do not trust you or value your talent as they should.” Palpatine’s words made Anakin freeze. Rationally, he knew this was wrong. At the very least, Obi-Wan trusts him and so do you. But there was a part of him that felt so validated by the Chancellor’s words that he wanted to hear more. To bask in them, in feeling wanted and appreciated. He hated himself for it. 

“I… I’m not sure what you mean by this.” Anakin attempted not to give himself away any more than he already has. 

“Well, they care about your potential. But they hold you back. They’ll never show you your true power, for they don’t want you to understand. They just wish to use it, no matter your own fate.” 

“I feel cast aside. Like I don’t matter.” Anakin wasn’t even sure why he shared these words. Somehow, in feeling so praised, the doubts just bubbled their way to the surface. He felt like a child in these moments, so painfully fragile. 

“You don’t. Not to them, Anakin. But with me I can teach you your power. I can teach you the ways of the Dark Side. I know of your fears, of those nightmares that plague you. I know about your secret marriage and how close you are to losing it all.” 

Anakin froze, his heart hammering in his chest. His thoughts raced as he tried to piece together the truth from all the lies. The mentions of Darth Plagueis. The Dark Side of the Force. 

“You’re the Sith Lord!” Anakin said, igniting his lightsaber and pointing it at the older man’s chest. 

Palpatine bowed his head slightly, a small smile gracing his lips. “Well done, my boy.” Anakin felt sick as he noted the pride in his tone. And yet that aching part inside him still swelled, ever so slightly.

“Now, don’t do anything rash.” The Chancellor reasoned. “Only the Dark Side can save the one you love.” 

Anakin wanted to do the right thing. He wished to be the one who could stand up and arrest Palpatine without a single ounce of guilt or regret. But as soon as Palpatine mentioned you, it’s like all his logic disappeared. He just wanted to save you, to not fail you as he’d failed his mother. But then he thought back to your words. “Strong morals.” And to his Master’s. “We’ll do this together.”

“I’m turning you into the Council.” 

“Wouldn’t you prefer to kill me?”

“Yes.” Anakin’s remark was forceful and clipped with anger.

“Then do it. Give yourself over to your wrath.”

He felt himself burning with betrayal, with resentment toward both sides. Even so, he could still tell right from wrong, selfless from selfish. And whatever Palpatine was doing… it certainly did not have the will of the people in mind. Without so much as deigning him with another response, Anakin turned and walked out of the room.

“If you turn me in, you’ll never save them!” Anakin tried to will Palpatine’s voice out of his head as he ventured back to the Council chambers. When he arrived back, he decided to slightly alter his plans. While he knew he must face all of them eventually, he wanted to talk to Obi-Wan first. Perhaps his Master could give him guidance, like he did about your nightmares. 

“General Skywalker… are you alright?” Anakin stumbled as he walked right into another figure, too caught up in his own head.

“I’m fine, Master Windu. Thank you- I’m sorry.” Mace looked at the younger Jedi with an unreadable expression. While there was much in his eyes, concern was definitely a part of it. 

“Have you seen Master Kenobi?” Anakin said after a brief pause for composure. 

“He’s supposed to leave for his next mission any moment now. If you hurry, you can probably still catch him.” 

Anakin thanked Master Windu before taking off in a run. No matter how fast his legs carried him, he felt his mind was working even faster, the internal conflict brewing more intently by the second. 

-----

Obi-Wan opened the door as soon as before Anakin could even knock. He looked at Anakin and gestured at a vacant chair, a silent invitation to sit. Anakin shook his head quickly. The younger Jedi’s eyes were scattered and conflicted, as if he’d been shaken to his very core. 

“Palpatine is the Sith Lord.” The words came out rushed, yet clear. As if Anakin needed to get them out as quickly as he could but replayed them in his head until they were all he knew. The intensity showed Obi-Wan that there was no doubt in his friend’s mind. 

Obi-Wan blinked. “Okay.” He stroked his beard, trying to find the words to say. “Are you alright?”

Anakin looked at Obi-Wan in confusion. Certainly there were more important questions his former Master would want to ask than that. 

“I know you and the Chancellor were close. This can’t be easy for you. I just wanted to ask if you were alright.” 

“I’m not sure.” Anakin said after some hesitation. “I don’t really know what to think… Palpatine is evil, right? But he believed in me when no one else did. He saw my potential, allowed me to confide in him. He told me he could show me how to save Y/N. Would someone evil do that?” 

Obi-Wan’s eyes softened as he looked at the painfully conflicted young man in front of him. “Anakin… he was manipulating you. He was isolating you so you had no one to turn to but him. It was a tactic, a ploy. He doesn’t care for you.” Anakin looked so heartbroken that Obi-Wan knew Anakin believed him. “I’m so sorry.” 

“But what about Y/N?” Anakin asked desperately.

Obi-Wan sighed. “Loving someone in the Order isn’t easy. Especially after everything you’ve gone through. And losing someone… it changes the way you love. You fear constantly, wondering when your love will evade you. When it will fall apart, like all the rest. But living like that, loving like that… it leaves no room for growth or peace. And that’s what relationships are for, aren’t they?” His voice was filled with compassion and wisdom. From experience, perhaps? Regardless of the reason, Anakin was reminded that someone did understand him. Despite the circumstances, he felt content. At least a bit. 

“Is there any way to save them?”

“I’m not sure. Let’s focus on Palpatine for now, alright? And we’ll bring Master L/N with us so you know they’re safe.” Obi-Wan wished nothing more than having a set solution to save Y/N. But some things were even out of his grasp. “I know this must be impossible for you, Anakin. I truly am sorry.” 

Anakin nodded. After all, it was true. If there was anything to describe the impending threat of losing another person he loved, impossible summed up the process. “I know. You’re doing all you can. Thank you, Master. And yes, I would like to bring them with us.” 

Obi-Wan clasped a hand to Anakin’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze as they met each other with a smile. “I’ll send them a message right now.”

----

You gasped when you received Obi-Wan’s message with the details of the Supreme Chancellor’s truth. Your heart cried for Anakin, knowing the betrayal must be breaking him. All you could do was wish that with Obi-Wan’s help, the two of you could support Anakin until he felt like he could breathe again. And you had faith in him. You always had faith in him. 

Grabbing your cloak, you jogged to Obi-Wan’s quarters. As soon as you opened the door, you ran to Anakin and hugged him to you, needing to feel his presence. Somehow, you knew he needed it, too. 

“Ready?” Anakin and Obi-Wan gave you nods of confirmation and you gave a tentative smile. “Alright. Let’s do this.” 

-----

Anakin entered Palpatine’s chambers first. For once, he felt sure of himself. He finally knew what he had to do. His gaze shifted to you, making sure you were alright. You placed a hand on his arm, rubbing your thumb up and down to reassure him. He inhaled. Exhaled. And ignited his saber. 

“I knew you’d come back, Skywalker. I knew you’d join me.” 

“Think again.” Obi-Wan responded as you and him walked into the chambers. Pure, unfiltered rage flickered through Palpatine’s eyes in response.

“Anakin, they’re trying to corrupt you. They’re trying to keep your power. Come with me, boy, and I’ll teach you all you wish to know. I’ll teach you how to save them.” He said, pointing a pale finger toward your face. 

You let out a sharp breath as you suddenly understood Anakin’s conflict. Of course Palpatine was using you as a bargaining chip. Using Anakin’s fear of abandonment, of losing his loved ones against him. It was disgusting, even for a Sith. 

“I… you can’t possibly know how to do that. It’s impossible!” 

“Not on the Dark Side. Look… Obi-Wan has turned them against you. He’s the cause of this! I’m sure he didn’t even pose a solution to saving Y/N. It’s because he doesn’t care about you, not like I do.” 

The shadows returned to Anakin’s eyes as his gaze switched between Obi-Wan and Palpatine. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at you, to see the pain in your eyes as he struggled with a choice that for others would be so simple. He hated himself for being weak but he truly couldn’t fathom losing you. 

Obi-Wan stepped forward, backing Palpatine against the wall and pointing his lightsaber at Palpatine’s throat. Anakin stepped back, too frozen to move, and unconsciously placed himself between them and you.

“It’s over, Chancellor. Don’t make this more difficult than it already is.” Obi-Wan said.

Palpatine shot lightning from his hands, causing Obi-Wan to deflect the matter with his lightsaber, redirecting it to Palpatine himself. As Palpatine shook from the force of his own blast, he once again called to Anakin.

“If you let him kill me, dear boy, Y/N will die. If you don’t try to save them, you will be the cause of their death.” 

Anakin’s eyes widened, those words hitting him right in the chest. He moved forward, pointing his lightsaber at Obi-Wan but refusing to make the final cut to end his life. Obi-Wan looked like he wanted to speak but the effort of holding of Palpatine’s lightning rendered him useless. It was Obi-Wan, after all. His former Master, his friend. The one person who he trusted with the secret of his marriage. He couldn’t kill him, right? He faltered, stepping slightly back. 

“Ani,” You said, your voice calm as you tried to reason with him. “Ani if you do this, you can’t come back from it. I know you don’t want to lose me and if you kill Obi-Wan, you will, regardless of the fate of my life. You aren’t too far gone, yet. You haven’t done anything irredeemable. Remember who you are, my love.” 

Anakin heard your words and looked at your face. You. He wanted to do good by you, to do good by all of them. He wanted to make his mother proud, make himself feel like leaving her for the Jedi Order meant something. And then his gaze filtered over to his friend. Obi-Wan stood tall against the force of Palpatine’s lightning, reminding Anakin of his friend’s strength. It was something Anakin wanted to emulate, too. 

Understanding his choice, Anakin took a step forward to position the blade toward Palpatine’s chest. His hand was shaking, movements unsure, eyes glossed over with immeasurable pain. But before he could make contact, you swiftly moved in front of him and killed Palpatine instead. Obi-Wan was thrust backward as the lightning ceased, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. 

“Why would you do that?” Anakin asked as he looked at you. 

“I didn’t want you to have to kill your friend. No matter what he turned out to be.” You said as you shifted on the balls of your feet. The weight of Palpatine’s death now weighed on your soul, as do those of every life you’ve ever ended. You could bear it and you knew Anakin was strong enough to do so, as well. You just didn’t want him to have to. 

Anakin nodded and whispered a thank you back to you. You just smiled, the love for him clear in your expression. Anakin turned around, walking to his friend and extending a hand for him. 

“I never doubted you.” Obi-Wan said simply as he met Anakin’s guilty eyes. 

“I should have made the choice to believe you earlier. I shouldn’t have let him get to me. I’m sorry, Master.” 

“Look at me, Anakin. We all struggle with our morals. We struggle and we’re unsure and we pray and hope to land on the right decision. And you did. You have nothing to apologize for.” Looking at your and Anakin’s arms around each other, Obi-Wan made one last decision. “How about the two of you retire for the evening? I’ll debrief with the Council, you’ve been through enough.” 

Once again, Anakin was struck by the older Jedi’s strength and selflessness. He nodded, as did you, before he accompanied you back to your quarters. 

----

You kept one arm around Anakin’s waist the entire way home, mirroring his that was around your shoulders. You couldn’t bear to separate, not after the events of the past few days. Seeing Anakin so torn up inside, it was eating away at you. Knowing you couldn’t save him was one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to deal with. 

Now, Palpatine was finally gone. There was no more threat to the Jedi Order, the Force once again balanced. But both of you still understood the one solution that hadn't been found: how to save you. It made everything easier, that you chose to kill the Chancellor. Anakin refused to voice the doubts in his head, wondering if he actually would have gone through with it knowing he would lose his chance at saving you. 

The air was melancholic surrounding you both. Heavy. Neither of you knew what to say, words failing in a moment that was so conflicted it almost overwhelmed you. But your heart warmed as you saw Anakin scamper in front of you to open and hold the door for you. You loved him so much, for doing the little things even in moments like these. It gave you hope.

You were okay with death, so long as it only affected you. When you joined the Jedi, you had to make your peace with it. But after you fell in love everything changed. You didn’t want Anakin to go through the pain of losing you. He’d been so open with you about, well, everything. Especially his past. He’d gone through so much, felt such raw pain and loss, you didn’t want to add to that. 

Taking his hands in yours, you looked into his blue eyes. 

“I don’t want you to die.” He whispered, the desperate, deflated tone making your heart break. “I won’t.” You wished to say, but you knew you couldn’t. 

“I don’t want to die, either.” You chose these words instead, relying on their honesty. 

“Palpatine could have saved you.” Anakin said after a beat. 

You sighed. “You don’t know that.” You stated, knowing it wouldn’t change how he felt. 

“Neither do you!” 

“But at what cost? At the cost of losing your soul? Anakin, you would have had to join the Sith! That’s no longer you! You’re good and you couldn’t have saved me if you were there, don’t you see that?” You pleaded. You wished he would see your logic, the truth behind your words. How even though he thought otherwise, he made the right decision. 

“What good is saving the Order if you won’t be a part of it?”

“What good is saving my life if I wouldn’t have you to live it with?” You countered. 

Anakin let out an exhausted breath before pulling you into him, hugging you. The fighting was too much and, frankly, he didn’t want to argue. Not with you, not ever. You both let out a humorless chuckle as you leaned into each other. 

“I love you.” His tone conveyed it all. 

“I love you.” You replied, your voice muffled from being pressed into his robes. 

“Can we sleep? I don’t want to face this right now. Can we just put this aside, if just for a moment? Can I lay with you and can you hold me and can we just have each other?” You questioned breathlessly.

“I would like nothing more, my love.” He smiled slightly and pressed a kiss to your head as he added the words of endearment, wanting you to understand he wasn’t upset with you. You already knew that, though. You were in love with Anakin Skywalker. Of course you’d argue from time to time. But at the end of the day, you were two hopelessly in love Jedi just trying to save each other. 

Crawling into bed, sleep came for the both of you quickly. You were holding him and he was holding you, tangled together as you nestled his warm embrace. He tucked his face into your neck as you did so and savored the feel of you next to him. Safe. 

Drifting off, Anakin tried to fight the pull of sleep, knowing he’d just suffer from another nightmare like he had every day since the first one. One where you’d die and he could do nothing to stop it. Amidst these tumultuous thoughts, his breathing evened, lulling him under. 

You were in the grass, a flower crown atop your head. Anakin was leaning against a small house. It was quaint but beautiful. Small, not outwardly flashy, but full of love and meaning. Looking around, he smiled as he saw green vines crawling up the sides of the house, a garden of your favorite flowers out front. You always had a soft spot for that. 

We are on Naboo, he realized. It was peaceful. It was the dream you always talked of together. Anakin’s breath caught as he felt the certainty of this dream. It felt just like his nightmares, except this one left him content. He didn’t want to entertain the thought for too long, afraid of jinxing it. But he knew it was prophetic. He wasn’t sure how he changed his fate, what exactly gave him this future. Something inside him just knew that when he wakes up the next morning, all will be okay. He felt infinitely lighter as he understood the threat was gone. 

When you looked up and saw him, you raced toward him and jumped into his arms. Anakin stumbled but caught you, breathing in your scent as you kissed the side of his neck. As he held you, his thoughts slightly wandered. But he was grounded by your presence, reminding him that you were safe and he was okay. With you, he was finally, completely, home.

-----

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Cat’s Updated Episode Ranking as of S4

I want you all to know that last time I did this, I titled the word doc “why did I do this” and I titled this one “why did I do this again.” 106 episodes, you guys. 106. Don’t ever ask me for anything ever again XD We didn’t give number ratings this time because I didn’t feel like braining that shit tonight, but I feel like this ranking is more accurate than the first and not just because it includes all of s4 this time. I re-evaluated my old one and moved some things around. I feel better about this one. 

As always, these are just my personal opinions, and if you don’t like them, MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN LIST

1.     Origins II

In looking back at my original ranking, a lot of episodes moved, but this one is still and I think always will be king. This was the last episode of s1 that I watched originally, and it is the one that has left the longest lasting impression. The rest of the episode is fine. It’s a good set up, but anyone who has followed me for like two days knows that I am a S I M P for the umbrella scene. In the Rain is literally on my spotify playlist. I listen to it in the car and get in my feelings. I was already on board with these two dorks, but that moment was when I went yep. We’re in it now. We’re gonna see these two nerds kiss if it’s the last thing we ever see.

2.     Riposte

As I mentioned, some episodes moved around when I went back to evaluate my original list, and I just really like Riposte. Kagami is such a compelling character. I have loved seeing her development over time. The Ladrien in this episode was just *chefs kiss* Adrien jumping in to save LB, “maybe he’s busy,” the coffin thing, the soft little way she kisses the coffin, the awkwardness at the end where Adrien is like I desperately want to say something- ANYTHING to you because I want to spend as much time with you as possible, the little kiss he blows at the end. I’m fucking whipped for this episode.

3.     Gorizilla

Okay, I feel like Riposte is a bit stronger overall, but Gorizilla still makes me absolutely feral. Don’t get me wrong, Adrinette is my favorite side, and I love loved the Adrinette here, but the motherfucking Ladrien trust fall, and the absolute awe that Adrien looks at LB with when she catches him and just the softness when they land on the ground for that split moment of “holy shit I almost died, but you’re so amazing and beautiful and I love you so much wow” just I am soft, you guys.

4.     Mr. Pigeon 72

If any of you have paid attention to anything I’ve ever said or written ever, this one being this high shouldn’t be a shock to you. It’s the umbrella scene 2.0 first of all, and don’t get me wrong I love that for us, but the Marinette and Kagami friendship this episode. Marinette just leaping onto Kagami, bribing her mom with bread and just stealing her, and Kagami being so stone faced the whole episode but just letting her wacky friend drag her along on an adventure even when she’s not listening. When Adrien BONKS HIS LITTLE HEAD. Plagg helping with the akuma! The sheer absurdity of Mr. Pigeon being akumatized 72 TIMES! Yall, we really lived in this episode.

5.     Simon Says

Is anyone surprised that all the pivotal Adrinette/Ladrien episodes are the ones I love the most? I originally ranked Simon Says higher for nostalgia’s sake, and it is still a very solid episode for being the OG Ladrien episode and giving us the ever iconic shower scene. Legit one day my niece was watching this episode in another room and I came out of the woodworks like a fucking cockroach and was like L a d r i e n???? Plus, Gabe almost played himself. Doesn’t get much better than this, folks. I watched this episode and said, yes ma’am, I’ll have one of those about Ladrien. We’ve been fighting the antis ever since.

6.     Stormy Weather

I originally ranked this one higher because it was baby’s first Miraculous episode, and this one is still super solid, but I have since come to appreciate other episodes more. Don’t get me wrong, I still adore this episode. The animation was crisp, it gave us a good intro to the characters, their relationships and dynamics, the world, the set up. Stormy Weather is a cool villain with a cool design. Just all around a good time to be had by all.

7.     Evillustrator

I feel like this episode might have surprised people in my original ranking because of my general feelings toward MC and MC stans, but like I honestly started out in s1 liking MC the most. I thought Evillustrator was funny. I loved their “introduction” to one another. I loved the sass, the pretending, the eye rolling. I like this episode. I like MC (in canon). It’s the fandom that has always been my issue with MC. Just not a lot of good takes floating around about it. But Evillustrator is good.

8.     Backwarder

So, I was chatting with Gale about this list after I did it, and I sent him my top and bottom 10 and he was most surprised by this episode. But then he remembered: I’m a Fu stan. Honestly, how he is controversial in this fandom is still beyond me, but like I really liked Fu as a character. He and Marinette had such a sweet dynamic, and this episode just brought so much more to his character. Ever since he was introduced and revealed to be super old and the last remaining guardian, there was such an air of intrigue around him. We will talk about how they botched his plot line later, but I loved getting a peep into his life here and getting to meet the girl he fell in love with and seeing that she’s a fucking badass. I enjoyed her power and the lucky charm use of this episode was one of Ladybug’s best, imo. I loved this episode. Sue me.

9.     Strike Back

I didn’t love this episode as much as Gale, but I will still agree that it is the strongest finale we’ve had so far. I plan to give my overall impressions of s4 later, but I will say that this finale made everything in s4 worth it. I think a lot of us were very worried going into this finale, but to me, the finale ebbed a lot of my fears for s5. Hawkmoth having all the Miraculous is just not a threat because we know Gabe is incompetent. I mean, it took a 14 year old literally doing all of the work for him and handing him victory for him to get anywhere. The mans is absolutely gonna get his shit kicked in in s5, and I’m here for it. I’ll talk more in depth about this finale in my s4 analysis eventually, but I liked it. It was good, and is the strongest finale we’ve had to date.

10.  Kwamibuster

I’m a Marinette stan. What else can I say?

11.  Chat Blanc

I know this one is generally the fandom’s favorite, and I do like CB. I think what I tend to look for in my favorite episodes are those moments that really grab me. This episode is interesting from a meta standpoint when you start looking at the deeper implications of it, but a lot of my enjoyment of this show can be summed up with “heheh bug girl like cat boy.” I mean, my top 5 episodes are literally all the most shippy episodes. I know what I’m about. Chat Blanc is a good episode. I will never deny that. Please, put down your pitchforks because it didn’t crack the top 10.

12.  Gang of Secrets

I originally ranked this one higher, I think because of how it initially shocked me. I was so jaded going into s4, and this episode was a breath of fresh air. I mean, them breaking up the rivals immediately at the start of the season was funny to me, but this episode really had the impact I’d been looking for. Alya learning her identity was a game changer in a way the rivals never could have been. We knew from the start that the rivals were destined to fail, but what we didn’t know was if anyone would ever learn their true identities, especially before they did. I said it before, but GoS was the episode that made me say, “Damn, is Miraculous good again?”

13.  Despair Bear

Listen, does this episode rank this high because of the Adrinette slow dance? Don’t @ me, we all know the answer. BUT I still like this episode, even retroactively knowing where Chloe ends up. Chloe’s arc being scrapped or botched or whatever you want to think/say/feel about it is another conversation, but overall, this episode was fun for more reasons than one… but ya know. It was mostly for the Adrinette slow dance…

14.  Oblivio

This one shockingly moved down for me from my original list. And like, not to say I don’t like this episode, I do. It’s ranked 14/106 for crying out loud, but I dunno. I like the implication that they will always find each other and fall in love no matter the circumstance, but all of their sweet moments get erased in the end, so they don’t remember. We remember, but I want them to remember. Ya feel me?

15.  Furious Fu

Fu stan. That’s it. That’s the tweet. This episode was controversial for a number of reasons, but idc. As angry as I am about what they did to Fu, I can’t lie and say I’m not happy to see him happy and thriving with Marianne. Fu is out here getting the rest he deserves and living his best life. Can’t be mad.

16.  Kuro Neko

This episode conflicts me. Like on one hand I like it a lot, and I objectively view it as better than the episodes that follow it, but overall I’m not as obsessed with it as the rest of the fandom. Cat Walker is fine, and this episode gave us an interesting look into Adrien and the way he approaches everything and gives us a good dive into his relationship with Plagg, but I think this episode is soured a bit by the overarching LadyNoir drama this season. It’s bittersweet. But objectively, with the function that this episode serves, I couldn’t rank it lower than this. Plus I totally called the ending.

17.  Gabriel Agreste

This episode is 100% ranked this high because Felix is the most competent bitch in this whole show. I know everyone is all on their sides about Felix. Is he a good guy or a bad guy? (personally I say neither, but that’s a convo for another day). But like Felix really was that bitch this episode. This episode really saved him for me, I think. I was originally meh about him, but he just really has his own agenda and wanted to fuck up his uncle, and we gotta respect that.

18.  Startrain

Cat, is this one ranked so high because of the Adrine- YES, IT’S RANKED THIS HIGH BECAUSE OF THE ADRINETTE. I am a weak bitch who falls for every carrot this show dangles! Let me enjoy them in peace. But that being said, I also did like that Lila gets thwarted in this episode, Alya and Nino investigate like heroes, and Max and his mom are precious and I sincerely miss when canon gave focus to the new heroes of the episodes instead of cramming them all into one.

19.  Ephemeral

Gale and I had a lengthy discussion about this one. I’ll let him voice his own comments on it, but for me, this episode was fine. I feel like of the two “reveal” episodes, Chat Blanc was better, but I was telling Gale that I see the fake reveal episodes as a kind of check point for the love square. It gives us a way of checking up on them and seeing “if the reveal happened now, what would our kids do?” Things were a lot peachier in Chat Blanc because they had less on their plates. Ephemeral was an interesting look into the love square dynamic of s4. Granted, the reveals themselves are different too between the two episodes, but it’s an interesting look at the characters and how they view each other. Marinette being Ladybug isn’t a real stretch of the imagination for Adrien because he thinks very highly of both. Ladybug, on the other hand, thinks Adrien and Chat Noir are two very separate people. She tries very hard to keep them separate in her mind, so when she finds out that the boy she is madly in love with is actually her very dorky partner that she has put a lot of mental effort into not being in love with, she needs a minute. And that’s not to say she views Chat poorly, but just that she would not have pegged him to be Adrien. It’s overall, an interesting take as well on the main conflict between them the whole season: Marinette’s mental block. The whole season she spends pushing him away, lying, trying to scrape her shit together herself, and that’s not shade at her by any means, but just a journey she needed to go on to grow. I dunno. I’ll talk more about all of it later, but this episode was interesting enough to me that I can overlook its flaws.

20.  Sandboy

This episode was chaotic, and I absolutely love Sandboy’s aesthetic. The possibilities here are endless. It was just fun.

21.  Origins I

This episode probably took the biggest hit in my re-eval, and that’s not because it’s a bad episode, but I think I ranked it far higher than I truly felt originally. I love Origins II and will die for the umbrella scene. Origins I was also good, but the umbrella scene is what really tipped II over the edge. Origins I did a good job for what it was, and I liked that the heroes were not immediately successful. But overall, this episode was just setting up for Origins II, and a lot of other episodes out rank it now for me.

22.  Gamer

People salt on Gamer, but I had a good time. There’s a lot to like about it, yall are just mean XD

23.  NY Special

Again, I had a good time. I watched this originally in Disney World, so that may have colored my opinion, but like it was fun. Good moments, cool concepts. The Adrinette was absolutely chefs kiss. We thought they were gonna hurt us with the Adrinette in s4, but really it was the LadyNoir. They did a heckin uno reverse.

24.  Risk

I liked Risk. It didn’t give the same punch as Strike Back, but as a set up episode for Strike Back, it was solid. I love the Adrinette moment and hope that continues in s5. I’d love to see Adrien leaning more on Marinette and deepening their friendship leading into a reveal. And that 100% is because I am a selfish Adrinette simp. We’ve been over this.

25.  Glaciator 2

If Adrien doesn’t tease Marinette in the future for calling him Buttercup this episode will have been for nothing. Jk, but it was pretty cute. I liked it more than the original Glaciator, and I love that it spat in the faces of all of the true selves people. Just directly into their mouths. I enjoyed that very much.

26.  The Collector

This one moved down a lot too, but it’s another one that I think I gave too much credit originally. It’s a good episode, don’t get me wrong. It started s2 off strong. I liked it. Back when we had hopes and dreams. We were so young.

27.  Sapotis

Sapotis was a solid ep. And it’s better in retrospect after GoS because Alya did in fact help Ladybug after finding out her identity.

28.  Psychomedian

I find it hilarious that the ambassadors and writers were all like ehh this episode is just okay. The others are better. And then it aired and everyone in the fandom was like YEEHAW. I love that about us. We were so torn up about the LadyNoir drama going on, so the one little taste of normalcy we got we ate up like hungry badgers. Honestly, this episode airing as late as it did was probably for the best. We needed it. I also love that no one makes Adrien laugh like Marinette Dupain-Cheng. And that Gabriel totally fucked Harry Cl-

29.  Christmaster

I still think this episode is funny. Just pure comedy. And Ladybug 100% is the best kid in the world. Facts.

30.  Weredad

I still think someone on the writing team secretly reads fanfiction. There is no other explanation for this episode.

31.  Lady Wifi

The LadyNoir moment at the end where he respects her and doesn’t look. My actual heart D:

32.  Dark Cupid

We all know why this one is here

33.  Volpina

Back when we thought Lila had potential to be something and that everyone would know she was a liar after this. What fools we were. That being said, the LadyNoir/Ladrien dooooooooooor. Second best season finale after Strike Back.

34.  Glaciator

I still cannot believe a whole ass man got akumatized because a girl didn’t want his ice cream. But the MC was nice I guess. And the LadyNoir at the end with the bluuuush

35.  Hearthunter

Just all around solid Adrigaminette pure guy and gals being pals. We love to see it.

36.  Timetagger

I actually liked Timetagger. He and Bunnix were so sassy together. Also Alix is a real one.

37.  Zombizou

People didn’t like this episode, and I still don’t know why they salt on Bustier for this? Like I do, but I don’t. Sure, she should have addressed Chloe’s behavior, but at the same time I get the impression that Bustier is trying to be a positive female role model in Chloe’s life seeing as she doesn’t get that in her mom. Had the writers actually intended to redeem Chloe fully, this episode might be more impactful, but in retrospect it does lose a bit of credibility. But this whole episode was basically every zombie apocalypse movie ever made, so it was actually kinda funny to me. All the Bustier salters need to touch grass.

38.  Shanghai

I enjoyed this special. Yeah, it was gimmicky, but I like Fei and the boy squad. And the Adrinette was adorable. Adrien was so happy to learn she was in Shanghai too. And Gabriel getting bodied by his own akuma. 10/10.

39.  Miraculer

Seeing as they uno reversed Chloe’s development, I actually felt like this episode was well done. If they wanted her to lose faith in her hero, I think they did a good job here. Plus Sabrina finally got a fucking episode to herself.

40.  Lies

This one actually moved up a lot I think from last time. Or maybe Truth just moved down. Either way. I feel like the Adrigami ship was overall better handled as a whole this entire time. They had more believable chemistry. Kagami is more rounded, and her reasons for breaking up with him were more justified I think. Plus, Adrien didn’t try to deny her accusations or invalidate her feelings. And Kagami didn’t push Adrien’s boundaries either. She could have asked why he kept running away from her, but she just accepted that maybe he didn’t feel the same way about her as she did about him. Idk. I just feel like their breakup was better rationalized and handled.

41.  Hacksan

Listen, I love LB, but I would love to see Scarabella and Chat Noir have their own adventures. Like nothing serious. Maybe Ladybug lets Alya borrow the Ladybug to go on patrols every once in a while when she’s tired or overwhelmed. That’s all I ask. Also all of Marinette’s tips for Alya XD

42.  Qilin

I liked this peep into Sabine’s character. I’ve wanted more on her parents for a while, and while Sabine is kind of a caricature of Chinese culture at times, I like that she is so aware of her daughter and seeing how she loves and takes care of her. Also we stan a queen that just wants to do the right thing and who doesn’t have time for bitch ass moth men.

43.  Rocketear

This episode ranks this high specifically for Nino and his bubble pipe calling Chat Noir a slut to his face.

44.  Mayura

Blah, blah, something something Adrinette cheek kiss. The rest of this episode was just okay.

 *This next section will be mostly one-liners that sum up my feelings cause we’re getting into the “ehh, this is fine” section:

45.  Ikari Gozen

We stan Kagami

46.  Malediktator

Chat being a cat, and Chloe was there too I guess

47.  Anansi

Didn’t care for Nora but Carapace can stay and also Alya said I see you

48.  Gigtantitan

Marinette said bone apple teeth XD

49.  Party Crasher

The true definition of boys will be boys

50.  Reflekdoll

Didn’t hate this one as much as Gale

51.  Desperada

Adrien please go to therapy

52.  Oni-chan

Kagami said: then perish

53.  Frightningale

Clara is a teen pop idol who is very gay for Marinette Dupain-Cheng thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

54.  Style Queen

Audrey is the more entertaining bitchier version of Gabriel

55.  Gamer 2

I need LadyNoir video game dates like yesterday

56.  Dark Owl

Mr. Owl is the hobby Gabriel should have gotten after his wife died instead of turning into an actual villain.

57.  Sentibubbler

Alya being a competent bitch.

58.  Troublemaker

Very cringe but in a good way?

59.  Reflekta

I would like to adopt (1) Juleka Couffaine

60.  Timebreaker

“TWO LADYBUGS” Chat keep it in your pants

61.  Dearest Family

Sabine was the only valid one this whole episode also I would like too see badass biker Marinette with tattoos and a leather jacket in the future. Thank you.

62.  Optigami

Adrien thinks Marinette is absolutely feral (affectionate)

63.  Prime Queen

Lady “of course I’m not dating my cute little kitty why would you assume that” bug

64.  Silencer

Chat Noir really sucks at charades.

65.  Syren

Ondine deserves the world and I hope she comes back from the war eventually as Kim’s gf

66.  Befana

The animation was shit but the lucky charmssssssssss

67.  Reverser

68.  I actually don’t hate Nath after this, and again Alix is a real one

69.  Mime

This episode ranking this low feels like a crime because of the iconic Ladrien stare, but overall it was just fine.

70.  Felix

Didn’t care for Felix at first, but he grew on me. Also Chat being like lol, you’re a friendless loser, aren’t ya? Was pretty funny.

71.  Mr. Pigeon

Marinette being a competent bitch

72.  Queen Banana

Chloe’s movie was better.

73.  Sole Crusher

I’d like Zoe more if she wasn’t very obviously just a Chloe replacement and they tried a little less hard to make everyone like her.

74.  Truth

The blue boy was in the wrong, but his stans aren’t ready for that convo. I had fun at the breakup bash tho

75.  Guiltrip

Julerose stans come get yalls milk

76.  Princess Fragrance

Rose is a bisexual queen

77.  Copycat

Mean Girl’s principal voice: Stay away from underaged girls!

78.  Crocoduel

Listen, I love Juleka, but I did not care about the plot of this episode.

79.  Bubbler

Nino is the goodest boy, and I had fun rewriting this one in my enemies AU.

80.  Animan

Otis, please go to therapy.

81.  Robostus

Do you guys remember when I wrote that fic where Markov marries Alix’s watch lady? I think about that sometimes.

82.  Ladybug

RIP Sentibug

83.  Catalyst

This ep was lowkey boring to me

84.  Puppeteer

One of Ladybug’s most badass moments for sure

85.  Pixelator

Jagged just get a restraining order, man

86.  Horrificator

I love Mylene, but I tend to skip this episode. It’s not bad, and I love that Adrien was 100% ready to kiss Marinette. That’s why it outranks the other s1 eps below this, but I almost always skip this one.

87.  Pharaoh

Jalil please go to therapy.

88.  Kung Food

They should have let Chloe boil in the soup. Would have saved them a looooot of problems later

89.  Megaleech

Polymouse is cute, but like I need the show to decide if Andre is good or bad.

90.  Rogercop

Roger is not a great cop tbh

91.  Guitar Villain

I think we as a fandom should talk more about how Adrien has Marinette’s autograph.

92.  Dark Blade

M. D’Argencourt please go to therapy.

93.  Penalteam

Hey, remember when they used to give the characters their own focus episode before giving them superpowers?

94.  Bakerix

Still don’t care that much about the racist grandpa.

95.  Simpleman

The kids were the best part of this episode.

96.  Christmas Special

This episode is cursed, but I kind of ironically enjoy it. Not enough to listen to Bryce “singing” again tho

Bottom 10!!! My worst of the worst

 97.  Puppeteer 2.0

I cannot stomach this episode. I am not strong enough. I even forget that there is Ladrien in it sometimes. That’s how much I’ve tried to blot the scene from my memory.

98. Frozer

I feel like this episode made no sense at times. And I know I’m not alone in this. Like everyone this episode was just off.

99.  Stormy Weather 2.0

Still didn’t need to exist. Nothing was gained.

100.  Wishmaker

Listen… Listen…. Listen. Overall, the premise was okay. My feelings for this episode will greatly depend on how the ending is handled in the future. I’ll reserve some of my comments until then.

101.  Queen Wasp

Seriously, why did we give Chloe a Miraculous after this?

102.    Animaestro

The fact that I had to watch this episode with my own two eyes is a crime. Like Thomas did not have to stroke his own dick like this. Nothing was even gained from this ep either. Forever skip. Or idk maybe watch the first half.

103. Captain Hardrock

Anyone who has been here a while or seen me talk about Birthdaygate knows why I don’t like this episode.

104.    Antibug

I’ve talked about this at length before, but this episode has always irked me. Chloe literally lied to Ladybug and stalled their investigation, so of course Ladybug wasn’t going to trust her immediately after when she decided to tell the truth. I hate that they made Ladybug apologize for “not believing” Chloe because she didn’t deserve to be believed.

105.   Miracle Queen

Worst of the season finales. For a number of reasons, but mostly for what they did to my mans Fu. Go live your best life tho, king.

106.   Chameleon

This episode has sparked so many Lila salt fics out of me, and while I do think it is in general everyone’s worst episode. Like no one had braincells in this episode. Probably the worst written episode if I had to pick one, but it didn’t fill me with quite as much rage as my worst rated episode.

107.   Feast

I feel like I expressed myself pretty well the first time, so I’ll just copy and paste my original rant: Okay, okay, okay, here we are. Bottom of the barrel. Cat’s most hated episode, and you wanna know why? You want to know why this episode fills me with rage? Because we spent two fucking seasons building up all this mystery and lore and intrigue surrounding Fu’s big mistake, and they dropped the fucking ball! They did my mans so dirty! They could have really deepened his character, deepened the Order, deepened anything other than whatever fucking affair Gabriel and Nathalie have going on, but NO. They made it some stupid, bland-ass thing that got resolved magically in the end, then just ignored it for the rest of the season. I will never not be salty about how they did my boy Fu in this show. I’m happy he found his peace, but fuck if I’m not livid about how they did it. Whatever. Chat being done with Ladybug’s shit when they’re about to get eaten was funny I guess.

[nagisasstunningpersonality]

TINSITOGS, a retrospective (happy birthday)

(yes I’m like two days too late I know I’m sorry) 

Why hello followers and ass class fandom, nice to see you there. I’m sure MOST people know about this, but in case you don’t, hi. On AO3 I’m better known as livixbobbiex, writer of maybe one of the most infamous Assassination Classroom fics. 

Which I mean like, if you haven’t read it yet you totally should it’s fanlore at this point I promise- 

Shameless plug that I don’t need aside, I felt that, on its first birthday since actual completion, I just wanted to share some things about it. Some tit bits about writing it, fun facts, maybe even some author advice TM. I appreciate that it’ll be super annoying if I do that in the tags, though, so that’ll all be under the cut. If you don’t want to read the whole post, then no matter what, thanks for the support in general! 

I also want to take the opportunity to announce that I’ve reopened my discord, so if you want to talk about my fics with me (and others), you’re more than welcome to join! (the link is here) 

The origin story 

I’ve stated this many times, I think, but TINSITOGS was never supposed to be a serious story. Taking you back, quite a long time, it actually started in a facebook DM with a friend. We used to come up with “head canons” with each other, which were basically just very condensed fanfiction plots over a multitude of text messages. I believe I was trying to cheer her up, and I tried to come up with some kind of plot line. 

At the time, I was fairly fresh to the Ass Class fandom, and I was joking about how there were no teen pregnancy melodrama fanfictions. It wasn’t that I wanted one, I just thought it was strange for a school centric anime with a bunch of ships to NOT have one. And, back then, I only really cared about karmagisa. So I just decided ‘right it’s happening’. The reason I decided to make it ABO was due to ‘it making sense’. Fun fact: it was almost written as AFAB trans Nagisa, but I decided against it as I didn’t rate my ability to handle it well back then. Looking back on it, I’m glad I made that decision. 

Over around two months, writing out the plot of this story took over my life a little bit. I had no idea where I was going with it, but I was having so much fun with the drama that I decided that Karma and Nagisa shouldn’t get together soon at all, and I had a lot of fun teasing my friend with the ‘will they won’t they’. It was only when I got bored that I invented this intense drama plotline to finish it all off. 

That period of time was a lot of fun. And whilst that friendship didn’t end well, I still have a lot to thank her for. She chose Daichi’s name because I had no idea, and she wanted to annoy me because I didn’t like Haikyuu. When I couldn’t decide on his hair colour, the purple was her suggestion because ‘why logic?’ Daichi speaking Korean was because of how much she liked Kpop. She even helped me choose the title of the actual fic, so there’s a lot you can thank her for, honestly. 

After I finished that story, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Whenever I daydreamed, I used to think about that damn Daichi Akabane, and how much I wanted to tell his story. I’d even come up with extra stuff to fill in a lot of the gaps, and developed his character in my mind. I decided that I was really desperate to write it down. Usually that worked when I had an idea I wanted to work through. 

I wrote the first chapter in late 2017, and then the next two as well. I just, kept going, and realised that I could go further still. TINSITOGS was never something that was supposed to be shared, but I decided I may as well. After all, that fated ‘teen pregnancy drama’ fic still didn’t exist, and I thought it would be funny to make it happen. 

Yes, as I’ve stated publicly a few times, TINSITOGS was a crack fic. If I wanted attention from it, it was infamy. We even joked about me cursing the fandom if it ever became the most popular fic (whoops?). What I wasn’t expecting was a bunch of people, in a fandom where at the time there were NO ongoing karmagisa fics and it was pretty dead, to really seem to enjoy it. It was enough to have me keep writing it, at least. I still don’t know at what point I actually started taking it seriously, but somehow I did, and the rest is history? 

The reception 

In my wildest dreams, I never thought that I would be the author of one of the most popular fics in the fandom. To this day, the amount of views TINSITOGS has is insanity to me. For the record, across all platforms it’s on today it has 238,000, which is literally a number I can’t even visualise anymore. Almost quarter of a MILLION. To this day on AO3, it’s the most viewed Ass Class fic that’s an ACTUAL ass class fic (the others are multi fandom compilations). So yeah, I achieved the original goal, I guess? 

Now you might be wondering, “omg the karmagisa fandom is fujoshi trash”. And, considering the origins, it is kind of funny. The thing is, though, TINSITOGS was written at incredibly good time. It was written when there were, essentially, very few long form Karma/Nagisa stories. If any other fics did get posted on occasion, they were usually just oneshots. I was also, at that point, writing very fast. A symptom of ADHD is becoming obsessively productive over certain things. Since I was able to get a 3k chapter out every few days/once a week, TINSITOGS was consistently bumped to the top of AO3′s default view. And some of those first few chapters were altered canon, and transcribing the canon dialogue didn’t take very long. The more views it got, the more people would read it out of sheer curiosity. 

I think it also helps that, at least after it started getting some positive feedback (which was honestly after the pre written chapters), I purposely tried to make it ‘not terrible’. I mean, I personally think the first chapter is pretty weak and if it wasn’t somewhat iconic to a lot of people I’d rewrite it. But in general, I purposely tried to make the world of ABO my own, to make it more accessible to those who don’t like that genre, and stay away from the inherently grosser stuff as much as possible. I genuinely do get comments about how I introduced people to the genre as a whole, still not sure if that’s a GOOD thing but hey, it happened. 

TINSITOGS turned into a lot more than just a joke. It turned into my favourite hobby. It turned into a research project (honestly, you would not believe the amount of mummy vlogs and legit scientific articles about child development I consumed). It turned into something that, at least I believe, was widely loved. 

Meaning 

I think it might be wrong to say that I don’t have AN idea of when I started to take the fic super seriously. For me, it was around the time someone commented something along the lines of saying my writing meant a lot to them, that they’d spent all night reading it and had been unable to put it down. 

Not to get too dark here, but I do have a past in writing a very long, somewhat popular fic (it’s still on my fanfic net profile if anyone’s interested, but I don’t recommend it). However, in the latter part of my teenage years, the depression struck. Writing was the love of my life, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore. Maybe I’d be able to muster an idea or even a chapter at the best points of that, but I’d never completely finished any story. Starting to write again was a huge step in my recovery, and one of the reasons I convinced myself that life was worth it was being able to impact someone’s life somehow. Even to this day, I still remember the fics I read when I was, like, thirteen. How much I still remember them, and how much they meant to be at the time. I wanted to be that writer for someone else. To be honest, it was actually Yuri!!! On Ice that got me out of the super bad, but I still never wrote anything of real consequence. TINSITOGS was the first time in a long time I actually committed to something. 

And, to be completely honest, there were a lot of times I was tired of it, and wanted to just quit. But, the thing was, I felt like people depended on me in a way. I got so many comments that were just FILLED with support, telling me how much they looked forward to every update. It wasn’t just empty words, either, a lot of the times these comments would be super engaged with the actual writing. I can’t even describe just how much they meant to me, how much I would look forward to reading everyone’s opinions. And then discord happened, which was a lot of fun. 

TINSITOGS went a lot further than I ever thought it would. There were comments, discussions, fan art, fan FIC (which is honestly incredible to me). Someone even added it to TV Tropes, at one point. Not to mention the Cards Against Humanity deck and quiz It makes me so unbelievably happy that I could inspire that much creativity, but it’s a two way street. It was all of that which inspired me to write, too. 

Writing 

The only real goal I actually had was aiming for around 3000 words per chapter. I had a whole facebook log of plot points as planning, and I was mostly just trying to expand on them into prose. I honestly thought that, at its completion, the entire fic would be around 100k words, if that. Not, at one point, being literally the longest ass class fic on AO3. 

There are a lot of aspects that were directly adapted from the original messages, and I tried to stay faithful to it more so at first, even if I later removed some of the pure crack. But the style was also vaguely similar, with the story being told mostly from Nagisa’s perspective with swaps to Karma when it made sense. All the main plot beats, too, are pretty much identical. The plus to this was I was able to add a lot of really fun foreshadowing, and I feel like it’s a fun reread because of it. 

Honestly though, if there’s a demand to release those OG message logs, I will. Mostly because it’s kind of funny, and interesting to see. Isogai and Nagisa were engaged at one point, even. 

Obviously, it changed somewhat. 3000 was the minimum length, and the time to completion was whenever it felt right. One of my big concerns was about pacing, so it took a lot more fleshing out and maybe ‘filler’ content for some of the main arcs to work. 

There’s parts of TINSITOGS I don’t think aren’t written that well, and some that I’m still super proud of. I think you can definitely tell there’s a gradual shift in style, and I get a lot more comfortable with writing them as characters as it goes along. To be honest, my pride for the fic overall is what it represents. 

It is funny to think about the places it got written in, though. I started it when I worked at McDonalds with no life direction, then it went through my first year of university with me. It’s been written in at least four countries. Aeroplanes, night clubs, long haul buses, a train through the Japanese southern coastline. Even the start of covid. TINSITOGS managed to see a lot. I even turned a scene in (the boat scene during the India chapter with altered names) to my university as a legitimate assignment. 

There were also a few messages I wanted to achieve, once I realised I had the platform to put them across. One of them was, obviously, ‘use protection kids’. It was important to me that I didn’t glamorise it too much, and I think that came across. I also wanted to dispute some of the issues with ABO, and subvert the consent issues as much as I could. An arc I really ‘liked’ writing was how abuse doesn’t always look the same way, and that it can be a drawn out change in behaviour. How the most important part of ‘being a good parent’ isn’t perfection, but genuinely loving and doing the best you can for your kid. How love doesn’t solve everything, and effective communication can take a very long time to learn and build a functional relationship. I mean, there definitely was a lot I tried to put in, and you’re free to interpret it all how you want. But, I like to think some people learnt some of these things, at least. 

Daichi 

Honestly, Daichi developed almost of his own free will. I had a good idea of his appearance, and that he was smart. Writing him from birth until around nine years old (older if you read the sequel fic) pretty much allowed that fluidity. It was really fun to explore a nature vs nurture development, and let his own characteristics speak for themselves. 

He’ll always have a special place in my heart. 

This is the first image I ever made. When I was trying to figure out what Daichi looked like, I honestly just edited Karma’s hair (pretty well, actually? I’m impressed with my past skill). That’s where the ‘he looks just like Karma’ meme kind of came from. 

This was the first image I actually created of Daichi. I THINK it was on rinmaru games mega anime creator or something, but it’s literally not available on the internet anymore as far as I can tell, so I can’t double check. This was in the pre-piccrew days. His eyes are closed because they didn’t have the right tone of goldish/silver.  

His sister, Kaguya, didn’t even exist originally, even though I decided on that ending pretty early on. Actually, she was going to be called ‘Irina’ due to some hijinks. Initially, when Karma found out about Irina’s pregnancy, she was going to get super emotional and mad at him and basically force him to name his first born daughter after her. Karma agreed to shut her up, never intending to have another child, so when the surprise second child later came along they had to live with the pain. However, to be honest I just forgot to write in the actual scene that set it all up, and I decided against adding it anywhere else. The name Kaguya was a very last minute decision, and it was a chance for me to explore some ideas that didn’t fit with Daichi’s character. 

Interestingly too, Daichi and Nao were never intended to be a thing. I only decided that towards the VERY end. Even though the reason I named Nao that was because of a ship I had in a J Drama (Good Morning Call). It just kind of ended up happening because I won myself over with imagining the cute. 

The music 

I used to write with a lot of background music, though not all the time. Particularly towards the start, there was a lot that didn’t really make sense thematically, yet I would write to a lot. 

Here’s a link to the spotify playlist if you want it it’s basically all the ones I noted I’d listened to a lot. Not including the smut ones, though, I have a whole playlist for that. 

Some of the notable ones: 

Five String Serenade - the first scene I wrote of the entire fic, in Chapter 25 New Year Time where they fell asleep cuddling. 

Cosmic Love - when I wrote Nagisa’s love confession scene in hospital (I also wrote this pretty early on) 

Northern Downpour (though it was actually a cover by Emma Blackery) - The chapter after Daichi’s born (30) 

When The Party’s Over -  Confession Time Third Period, Chapter 69. I literally listened to this song on REPEAT when I planned and wrote the kind of ‘break up’ scene, and it’s one of the few parts that made me cry writing. 

Turning Page - I know I said no smut, but this song actually gave me the idea to have the “I love you” in chapter 108 be less on a whim and actually more built up. In the original plan, Karma really did just say it without thinking. I’m glad I changed that.  

Bury Me Low and Numb - pretty much all I listened to when writing the last few chapters, because Evil Nagisa core. So much so that Bury Me Low was in my top 2020 songs rewind. 

As for the title, there’s actually quite a funny story. I had no idea what to call the fic, and when that happens I usually just try and find some song lyrics. I really wanted to use something from ‘October’ by the Broken Bells. Not only because it’s my favourite song (has been for years), but thematically it really worked. The issue was, it worked as the WHOLE song, there were no individual lyrics that captured everything. And, if they did, they didn’t flow very well. And naming the fic ‘October’ would have been weird for a lot of reasons. There Is No Sweeter Innocence That Our Gentle Sin really was just plucked randomly, in a desperate search to find any snappy lyrics from any song that had some kind of meaning. After a bit of discussion, we settled that it kind of worked... if Daichi is innocent and they committed a sin or something. It also wasn’t the most obvious lyric from the song (Take Me To Church if anyone doesn’t know) so I just went with it. It works out, I think, because TINSITOGS turned out to be a pretty good acronym and pronounceable word in its own right. 

The merch  redbubble drama 

It’s a well known fact that I’m not very good at art. However, I decided to try pixel art because it seemed the easiest to not mess up. I made Karma and Nagisa, before deciding to also give Daichi a try. 

This, to this day, is the only good quality art of Daichi that I actually own. The only one I’m actually happy sharing and thinking it doesn’t look terrible. As much as I love people sending me fanart, it’s not ‘my property’, right. 

So, I was kind of joking about TINSITOGS having merchandise. At first I just made two funny quote things, and uploaded it to redbubble. I was never intending to actually make money from this, and I’d agreed to myself that if I did, I would just donate it to charity. I was joking with the quotes, but since I had this artwork I figured I may as well uploaded. Separately, there was also an image that had pixel Daichi next to pixel Nagisa and Karma (which I also created). 

Aside from showing up in a few people’s adverts across the internet, there was no real harm with this. In fact, I didn’t make money anyway. It was just... more the joke of it existing. I did, however, buy myself a Daichi phone case, which is one of my favourite possessions. 

The funny ‘drama’ comes in when they got taken down due to copywrite. Sure, the one with Nagisa and Karma, I understand. But the other three literally had no mention or anything to do with Assassination Classroom, aside from being from a fanfiction. So basically, someone who owns those rights claimed my OC as theirs. Which makes Daichi canon? Whatever the case, I found this hilarious don’t worry. 

How has TINSITOGS changed my life? 

This is quite a strange thing to think about. Because, in a lot of ways, it really hasn’t. As I’m sure a lot of people know, I don’t really consider myself to have any real ‘fame’, despite the impressive numbers. Whenever I tell people in my personal life, they seem to think I’m some sort of internet celebrity, but that’s never been the case for me. I mean, it’s hardly a cultural phenomenon. 

In a lot of ways, I’d much rather befriend someone than have them admire me. Possibly because being someone’s inspiration is kind of weird... I’m just an awkward duck who likes to write after all. I don’t mind it, though. I genuinely find it an honour, even if I don’t necessarily agree. I also want to take this time to say that if anyone ever wants to talk or message me, you’re more than free to do so. I’m usually super casual with people who do that, I promise. 

TINSITOGS was the first story I ever finished in the way I truly wanted to. Start to end, a full narrative. And it took a LOT. There were so many times I almost felt like quitting, or took super long breaks. For me, ADHD queen, actually finishing something was a huge deal. And I know I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t owe it to everyone who read it, and myself, to see it through. You know like, if I were to die tomorrow, at least I’ve left something behind. 

In a lot of ways, it’s changed me for the better. It’s helped me develop my writing styles, and way of thinking. It encouraged me to become more active in the fandom, and develop some important friendships. I always feel like my Tumblr and Fanfiction ‘known’ factor is separate. I think most of my Tumblr following is more to do with my theories/Japanese context research if anything, for example, but I know I wouldn’t be so interested in that if TINSITOGS hadn’t lead me to deeply examine character and really look into analysing source material for clues. I also think there’s just... a lot of myself in it. 

I was 17 years old, when I first came up with the idea. I finished the story when I was 20. Now, at the time of writing, I’m 21. That time has seen some pretty significant changes - just in general life facts and my own personal human development. For me at least, a lot of that was pretty turbulent, and TINSITOGS stands as a time capsule for that, in a way. 

I know I gained a lot of confidence, and it affirmed to me that writing is what I love. Telling stories and sharing them is what I love. 

Conclusion

Do I think TINSITOGS is an outstanding piece of writing, or the best fic ever? No. I really don’t. It’s strange to say because I definitely spent a lot of time on it, but it’s not like I put my full unbridled efforts into the story. I don’t fully plan, use a beta, or even read through on my own. And that’s okay - that’s not what I write fanfiction for. Fanfiction is my place to have fun with characters and stories I like, without the pressures of having to stand on my own complete originality. Yes, I’m fully confident that I can write at a “higher quality”, if I really wanted to. I’m also aware that some authors put their full effort into their fics, and that’s just as valid! 

It feels odd to say this about my own writing, but I honestly think there’s just something in this story. It might not be written in the best prose ever, and the premise might be kind of dumb for a lot of people. But, I think, there’s some part of this fic that managed to grab people. Somehow, at some point, many readers get captured into the emotions and so drawn in that ‘they just have to finish it now!’ Again, I’m not sure myself how I actually achieved that. Of course, that won’t apply to everyone, but I do feel there’s some truth in it. And it makes me happy, to have caused that. 

If TINSITOGS is your favourite fic, or if you genuinely think it’s the best story you’ve read, then thank you. I really appreciate your support, and I’m happy to have been a part of your life, I guess. I know how much fanfics can mean to a person, and that’s why I’m not going to take it down, or edit it at all. And it’s fine too, if you loved the fic for a while and moved on -i t happens. Whatever the case, I’m very honoured to have been able to occupy a moment of your life. Or if you find this fic in 10 years time, even, I still wholly appreciate you. 

This story was incredibly important to me, and thank you for reading if it was ever important to you too. 

You may ask, what now? Well, this is only intended to be a detailed look back for whoever’s interested, and it’s likely the only one I’ll actually do, a year after completion. Of course, if you ever want to ask me anything or just discuss the story, you’re honestly good to contact me in whatever way I have available. 

I’m still writing my ongoing stories, of course, despite taking a small break due to the university work load. I fully intend to complete the stories I’ve already started to tell, at least. After that... I’m not sure if I’ll still write fanfiction. Don’t panic, this isn’t a ‘I’m quitting writing’ thing. I may, however, have bled the Karmagisa genre a bit too dry at that point. Who knows? I am pretty interested in writing something original for once, so maybe that’ll work out. 

For now, at least, thank you to anyone who read this fic. To anyone who commented, liked, or interacted with me over it. To anyone who created or learnt from it. I’m really glad that I got to share this story with you all, and ultimately left some kind of mark, no matter how big or small. 

Happy birthday, TINSITOGS. I had a lot of fun writing you. 

[meova101]

Writing tag!

Thanks for the tag @sebchalex ! It was a lot of fun to read your answers and to think about what my own would be, as well 🥰

I’ll admit this took me a while and I haven’t kept up on who already got tagged and did this... so I’m tagging @badboy-george, @scharletred and @whitewolfcraft and if any of y’all already did this just let me know and I’ll go stalk some blogs to read the answers sljsd

Answer these questions while being as honest as possible, you can skip a question if it’s really too hard for you to answer, then tag three people to answer this list as well! :)

Which of your fics you wish had more kudos/comments/bookmarks?

Honestly I’d wish for both of my really experimental fics to have more of those although I really have nothing to complain about, especially when it comes to comments on Barbie!fic (aka Found My Role In a Tragedy). I knew that one and Experiment!Charles (aka I’m Just A Parlor Trick, A Two-Bit Counterfeit) would be a shot in the dark to begin with but I worked really hard to make them make sense without too much exposition so yeah, more is always welcome sljsdg

Which of your fics do you feel is overrated?

Oh man I feel so bad because it’s also one of my better received fics but kind of You Can Devastate My Personal Space (I Never Liked It Anyway)? But I think it’s mainly just me working on that fic until it made absolutely no sense anymore and not really having anyone to beta yet at that time. It originally started out with sebchal playing truth or dare instead of just talking because I wrote it during NaNo last year and I needed to keep it going to Get Those Words. It sure kept the fic going, but I didn’t feel like it fit the characters in that specific situation, so I rewrote it and rewrote it again and tried to make it work without and I can still point out the bits where I couldn’t quite get the flow going like I wanted to. 

What is the fic that took you the most time to write?

Definitely, absolutely, no fucking doubt about it, exchange!fic (aka Wish I Could Keep You In Amber). It’s the longest thing I’ve written in over a decade, I actually sort of planned out the plot for it instead of just going with the flow, I edited it until my fingers bled and those fucking graphics inside the fic almost killed me for real. They legit took me a full day all together, if not more. I am absolutely awful with graphic design so getting every newspaper headline right and somehow adding them to the fic in AO3 felt like Sisyphus with his boulder. Even the “breaking news” and texts took me longer than I’d like to admit, lol. Still very proud of how it turned out, though, it was pretty much exactly what I envisioned.

What do you think is the best fic you ever wrote (until today)?

Oh god. Look I honestly probably peaked with exchange!fic. All downhill from here slkjsg But I’m also still trying to top my very first sebchal fic (Strung Out Like Laundry on Every Line) because it just feels like that’s the only time I really got them down without overthinking it. In general, I’m also still very fond of the Hanahaki fic I did in Waterparks fandom (aka There’s Nothing In My System (So I’m Feeling What I Feel For You))

What do you think is the worst fic you ever wrote (until today)?

Oh boy, uh probably most of the things on my FF.net account skljsg I know they were very necessary as a sort of starting point, can’t get better if you don’t practice, but I read some of them again a while back and woof. Rough spot. Anyway I’m not looking up titles but pretty much everything kinky I did back there qualifies for this because I had no clue what I was writing about. Consent is sexy, y’all. Knowing what you’re consenting to is sexy as well. 

What is the saddest thing that happened to you related to a fic (may it be success, a draft that erased itself and so on…)?

The graveyard of unfinished fics qualifies, I think slkjsg No but for real, I wrote this multi-chaptered fic when I was like... 15, I think? I was really proud of it and my fandom friends at the time liked it, encouraged me to finish it, make a sequel, I was on top of the world. Until I put it up on FF.net and it got absolutely flamed to shit. I still finished it, but that really sucked, ngl. In hindsight I sort of understand why but the dead dove: do not eat tag was not quite in use yet afaik xD

What is/are the comment(s) you received that you can never forget even now (negative and positive)?

The comments on the aforementioned fic have obviously left their mark sljdsg I always love getting comments that mention specific details as well, whether it’s a scene or a quote or just a detail in general, because it obviously resonated enough then for someone to want to tell me! And the incoherent comments are very much beloved too <3

A fic you’d dream to write even if you know it wouldn’t get much readers/feedback?

Not necessarily because it wouldn’t get much readers/feedback but I’d love to write a Vans Warped Tour sebchal!au because that festival just has so many interesting vibes and dynamics. I spent so much time in bandom and Warped was always a thankful setting for many canon-adjacent works. I’m just not very good at coming up with a plot and a different universe at the same time so hopefully one day inspiration strikes for both simultaneously

Coming back to the last question, did the fact that a fic wouldn’t get many readers (rare ship/different dynamic and so on) already stop you from writing it?

Not really? I write for myself first and foremost because I just like doing it, so it doesn’t really matter too much to me if it gets read in the end. Hell, I did a fic for Breathe Carolina and there’s still barely any fics or interest in that fandom slksjgl There’s also so many fics on my laptop now that I wrote just for me or to share with one other person. 

Although I will admit, I do sometimes add in a little sex just to bump up the rating because I know E gets read more often than T or M, but we’ll keep that our little secret ;)

Which of your fics represent you the best?

Oh god this is such a hard one somehow? Honestly it’s probably exchange!fic because I just poured my heart and soul into that. I like adding humorous bits anywhere, I like writing about failboating and miscommunications, my brain works with visuals a lot when it comes to starting fics so it’s kinda nice to have that represented in a fic, too. I just tried to have fun with it and make the prompt(s) my own and idk I really felt like I got to put pretty much everything I like about writing in there.

What is your main source of ideas?

Song lyrics, most of the time! I will usually snag a lyric from said song to use as the title. Canon happenings as well, sometimes, and lots of shouting and headcanoning with @leqclerc too, these days <3

Is there an author that inspired you?

I mean no shade towards any fanfic authors because y’all are beloved and precious to me, but I’ll admit that most of my author inspirations are not from the fanfic-side 🙈 Terry Pratchett and Diane Duane have been big inspirations to me for most of my life tbh, and the way Marian Keyes does humor in her novels and personal stories is something I have been trying to emulate since I started writing. Maybe I should reread some of her work soon and see how far I’ve come...

Is there a fic you wish people to read, because it left a big impression on you?

This one isn’t even sebchal and I don’t give a rat’s ass but absolutely everyone should read it’s simple and it’s plain by mierla because it’s excellent, I have been watching the entire 2021 season through this lens since I read this fic and it showcases perfectly that you don’t need to have a ship in a fic to make it absolutely amazing. The idea is so fascinating too and so well thought out, even if it’s never described in detail, ugh this fic is everything.

What is your favourite topic to read? And to write?

I love me some good failboats in love in pretty much every genre and fandom skljsdg whether I read or write it, doesn’t matter, as long as someone’s being an idiot I’m happy. I also like a lot of kink (sorry mom!) and once again, if someone’s getting tied up I’m easily satisfied. In other fandoms I like high school/college!AUs as well but somehow in F1 that doesn’t quite scratch the itch.

What motivated you to make your works public?

This will sound hella pretentious skljdsg but I always kind of reason that if I like a certain idea or a certain fic I’ve written, there’ll probably be others who will like it as well so I might as well toss it out there? It’s always nice when it gets a good reception of course but even if it doesn’t I’d still make my finished fics public, to add my own two cents to the fandom and just in case anyone else likes those two cents.

A word you’d like to say to people who pass by / who follow you / who read your fics?

Thanks so much for checking out my stuff and enabling me to put sebchal in so many different situations! I appreciate everyone who’s ever checked out my Tumblr and/or fics, left kudos, comments or talked to me 🥰 I promise there’s way more on the way, even if things seem a little slow now, I’m working on so many things for NaNo that I will release into the void as soon as I can! <3

[bean-pole-art]

Ed’s Borderlands Fics Masterpost

well finally

here is the masterpost of all of my Borderlands fics posted. most of them are Rhysothy focused to various AUs. I’m gonna update it as I post more but here it is, along with some of my commentary

right from the start big big BIG shoutout to @spoks-illogical-art​, my partner in crime, my biggest inspo, without them honestly most of these fics wouldn’t exist, please check out their amazing art <3

(latest edit - 21/02/2021)

Atlas AU - our main timeline, follows events of Moxxi’s Heist. lots of different concepts and ideas but the core really is Tim moving to Promethea to get help from Rhys. gonna sort em here with posting date, check the ao3 series for the “timeline”

Hypothetically - 2240 words summary: Rhys talks a lot, but usually thinks about it too little.

coffee, cats & monographs - 2880 words summary: “Hey hey, easy. You don’t want to repeat the accident from last week, do you?” Rhys cooed towards the cat and picked her up, just as Timothy instructed him to. Hearing these words, Felicity meowed. “Oh, don’t say that. This is my office and I have the power here,” he answered, carrying her back to his personal space.

Or Timothy's cat pays a visit to Rhys' office in the morning. note: I am a stupid mofo and at this point Tim would also have Loader Bot fkjbfd just imagine hes not mentioned cause hes wandering off, typical LB

Have Faith - 1470 words summary: During the 7 year lockdown at the Handsome Jackpot, Timothy couldn't really have any hope for himself. But maybe on Promethea it could be different. note: sudden feelings while watching JoltzDude139′s stream

Warm Cheeks, Cold Hands - 1170 words summary: Rhys comes home early and wants to say hi to his husband. With no ulterior motive. None at all. note: first fic Ive ever posted where characters are married, actually. fuck it, Rhysothy Real, his name is Rhys Lawrence

the battle (and the aftermath) of the ages - 2970 words summary: In a situation like this everything was possible, they could pull any punches they could think of. Four beasts playing against each other, every single one of them thinking of striking the winning blow.

Or Promethea Squad plays UNO. And then watches a movie. note: I love Promethea Squad with my whole heart

okurimono (贈り物) - 4/4, 17170 words summary: “Not a bomb. Just a device with a message for Rhys. Trust me on that,” this time an emoji of both winking and showing off a tongue [;P] appeared on the surface of Zer0’s helmet. Ah. So they were definitely trying to mess him up. In a way. Unfortunately, he really didn’t have any other options. Almost with a defeat, Timothy took the ECHOrecorder right from their hands and looked around it again. Or Zer0 gives Timothy a peculiar mission. note: my first ever multichapter fic. took me legit abt 8 months to finish but I am absolutely satisfied with this. also the bonus ending. yes

(there is) something I see in you - 8690 words summary: How one Rhys Strongfork met one Timothy Lawrence and how they fell for each other. More or less. note: best to go into this one blind, I swear. dumbest fic Ive ever written and please take this as a recommendation

this world is gonna pull through - 14380 words summary: Timothy really hoped it wasn’t anything important. He had that tendency to forget things easily, even if he tried to fight it. But Rhys kept on smiling and went by his side. So it couldn’t have been that bad. Still dumbfounded, he felt Rhys leaving a kiss right on his cheek.“November 11th? 

That- That seriously doesn’t ring any bells?” Rhys continued, brushing his hands against his shoulders. Or how Timothy spent one of his birthdays. note: also a love letter for Tim but a nicer one I guess kdjfnb dont ask how old is he i have no gdamn idea man

Strawberry Sweet - 3560 words summary: Rhys surprises Timothy with a gift for their date night in.

Happy Mercenary Day, Mr. Lawrence - 4670 words summary: How Timothy spent his first Mercenary Day on Promethea. note: I swear this is the best writer night Ive ever had. Ive written this whole thing in one night on Christmas day, solely on the inspo of that song I linked

Don’t Go Wasting Your Emotion - 4/4, 17080 words summary:  Afterwards, he went around with his usual duties. Getting a quick roundabout from his PA, checking several sectors himself and looking through the thousands of messages already sent to him via ECHOs. Rhys was ready to finally take on the day, yet when he made his way to the office, he saw the unusual envelope right by the edge of his desk. “For Rhys” was written on it. Straightforward enough. Or Rhys gets a letter from a secret admirer. note: another multichapter fic!! this one also took some time and well. its inspired by ABBA songs. cause only I would write a Rhysothy fic inspired by ABBA

Ratchet Effect - 7130 words summary: Knowing just how much overworked Rhys has been, Timothy wants to let them have a nice getaway in Lazy River Land. There's only one problem to overcome - ratch infestation. note: first fic of 2021!! Ive been playing a lot of bl3 suring the writing of it so it has a lot of stuff I had observed both on Promethea and on Jackpot

Reflections - 2250 words summary: Sometimes, Timothy needs a reminder.

Tales AU - second most important timeline. it’s Tales but Tim is a part of the group. sorted chronologically

A Story For Another Day - ongoing, for now -  2/25, 15280 words Tales AU main fic. it’s gonna be a big one

Connection Interrupted - 3240 words summary: With his driving shift finished, Timothy checks up on Rhys and Vaughn's plans.

Completely Hopeless - 1040 words summary: In which Fiona notices that Rhys behaves differently in front of a certain doppelganger.

infinity times infinity times infinity - 3460 words summary: Rhys and Timothy share some dreams and secrets underneath the stars. note: the beautiful combination of Sleeping At Last and Minecraft parodies. I promise it makes sense

reality can be whatever I want - 11420 words summary: “Hey, Tim?” Timothy didn’t even spare him a look, “Are we alone, or is he there with you?” Oh, this definitely won’t be pretty.

After the confession of Handsome Jack's AI in his head and his plan to infiltrate Helios, Rhys needs to set things right with Timothy. Somehow. note: thanosdancing.gif to Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way” 80′s remix and a guest appearance from Ferocity but I cant legally say her name here

still here - 2820 words summary: It all had to go down, after Helios crashed. note: I have...a love/hate relationship with this one kjdfbfg I like it but it’s honestly an alternate ending and doesnt fit within our usual bad ending, so take it with a grain of salt. i ten jebany błąd językowy w summary, kiedy ja go poprawię

together at last - 5590 words summary: It all struck him down in an instant, in this one minute. They were all safe. And they were all alive. Nothing was threatening neither him, nor Timothy, nor Fiona. He could finally breathe out.

They all found each other again. note: I am multitasking most time of my life but I dont relate any other fic to multitasking more than this one. I was honestly doing 10 things at once while writing this dfkjbndf

David AU - this one is a sub AU to Tales AU and the plot is kind of complicated dfjkbfb please check the fic for further explanation

building in curved lines - 22490 words summary: “To be fair, you look terrible. You’re barely standing in one piece and none of your coffees will hold you together for that long,” Lilith paused, seemingly weighing the correct words in her head. “You haven’t really been holding on since… We rescued The Double.” Rhys sighed heavily. Why did she have to be so right about everything. Or how Rhys and Timothy adjust to the reality after the Handsome Jack AI. note: bday gift for Spok, EASILY one of my absolute faves and the longest fic Ive written thus far

outside of AUs - some concepts I play with that are honestly outside any of our concrete timelines/concepts + fics not focused on Rhysothy

Real - 770 words summary: Reconciling with your past is a little easier, when you have someone you love right in your arms. note: first blands fic I’ve ever written. the characterization isn’t really there yet but as a first shot at the game and my kind of “introduction”, I am still satisfied of it

(Un)Familiar Faces - 9620 words summary: Timothy pursed his lips and leaned over the wall a little. He’s had enough of this solitude of closed doppelganger cabinet. Today wasn’t the day for another self-loathing session. Today, he should go off on Helios and do something for himself.

Or Timothy spends the night at a Helios bar. But not as Handsome Jack. And not as Timothy Lawrence either. note: personal favorite of mine, tough love letter to Timothy Lawrence. I have so many fond memories of writing this, including getting drunk out of my mind just like Tim and Rhys here

basics of survival - 2010 words summary: Athena taught Timothy everything he needed to know about survival. Now, it was time to put these skills into use. note: wrote this right before rona outbreak on last day in my dorms. thats all

[ilkkawhat]

fav fic titles

[Rules: List your 20 favorite fic titles, whether they're story titles or chapter titles!  They can be funny, creative, eye-catching, whatever makes them your best.  :)  If you don't have 20 favorites, or don't have 20 stories, just do however many you want!]

tagged by @impossiblepluto and believe or not, 237 fics and I really don’t have many.

1) Half Past Midnight - my first re-emergence into writing and publishing CSI fic after many, many years (though honestly I don’t count a lot of my teenage stuff cause it was hot garbage anyway) and I didn’t actually even notice until I think I posted the first or second chapter that technically, when the team is watching the feed for the first time, it is a little half past midnight so. that was just cool to sort of subconsciously gather lmao

2) The All In series: Atrophy, Agony, Augury - Alliteration, pure and simple lmao very satisfying and esp in my most recent graphic series for it. It’s all about that Suffering

3) Agony Ch. 26: Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve - The longest I’ve written for any of my multi-chaps to date, this chapter means a lot to me on so many levels and I feel like it’s title is due in part to my own bout of agony going on with some pretty severe depression so. Yay self projection

4) Specimen Stokes & its chapter titles - Even before the shrinking twist I was giddy about dubbing Nick a “specimen” just for the like. idk, human experimentation aspect and because he’s super hot. The chapter titles are all composed of things you’d find in a lab which has actually started to become a little tricky for me (and I super want to name this one chapter “Feed My Frankenstein” but it’ll break the trend lol) but I had a dream recently about a chapter called “scissors” and I know exactly what would happen in it. Whether that’ll be this story or the sequel, I’m stoked.

5) First Flight - It originally had a double meaning but I scrapped half of the fic’s plot for reasons but recently I figured out how to restore that double meaning with a brand new twist that wasn’t necessarily gonna happen. I also have a tentative chapter called “no cake in the breakroom” that’s gonna be the most angsty, gut wrenching thing I ever write and I’m weirdly excited for it

6) Finder’s Fee - Out of all of my episode-related titles I actually think I like this one the most? and by that I mean where I either twist the name of the episode (i.e, Assume Nothing > Everything Assumed) or take a line from the episode as the title. This was another “means a lot to me” fic too (coughSelfProjectioncough)

7) For Your Viewing Pleasure - Okay this was another episode related one and I just like it cause it was a super underrated creepy ass line in Grave Danger and I wrote an entire fic about it in a week. out of nowhere.

8) Last Breath & its chapter titles - Mostly composed of song titles, I tried to choose things that would kinda give a clue/set the tone for the chapter. I’m a sucker for Evanescence’s knack for angst in their lyrics lmao

9) Hollow Heart & its chapter titles (specifically “The Rescue”) - My first lemon fic! Angsty lemon!!!! Really kinda harder on the angst than the lemon aspect esp since I’m (still) not that good at writing smut but! I thought it turned out pretty good.

10) Stone Heart - Grave Danger AU, so naturally love it because of that, but it’s a reference to the lyrics of Outside Chance and something I actually want to get tattoo’d some day (I’m thinking a tattoo of the tape recorder, a pair of glow sticks, and a ribbon that reads “stone heart” on it)

I swear I do actually love more of my fic titles but these were the ones that resonate with me right now.

Also bonus, some titles of unreleased fics (subject to change) mainly just an excuse to gush over my WIPs that I actually have a name for cause otherwise I legit have documents titled “shock waves word vomit” or “attempt at writing word vomit hospital meat jekyll shit::

Bonus #1 The Violence in the Pouring Rain - Nick/Naomi (OC), one of my favorite uses of lyrics from Halsey’s “Hurricane” cause yeah. They’re trapped in a hurricane. Also a dream fic.

Bonus #2 Augury Ch. 1, I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight - I’m gonna be taking a real dangerous leap with this chapter into a territory I’ve never written before and feel a little idk not uncomfortable but just. worried about doing BUT...I feel like it’s gonna be one of my best in terms of build up and action and how the chapter ends. (and if you’ll notice, I used that song for the “trailer” I made even though I gotta finish Agony first LMAO)

Bonus #3 The Pancho Problem/The Sanders Solution - The Pancho Problem was one of the earlier CSI fics I posted when I started publishing in 2018/2019 but unfortunately I had a moment of weakness and deleted what I had going for it. I do want to revisit it one day and re-work what I thought was wrong and one of my chapter titles for the Pancho Problem was “The Girl with the Flower Tattoo” which at the time, I thought was fucking amazing.

Bonus #4 The Beast You Made of Me: More Nick in captivity, but think of The Most Dangerous Game for the human hunting aspect, and idk other creepy shit like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre for torture. Basically I’m gonna make Nick into a feral human beast by the end of it. With long hair and a scraggly beard. And literal shit thrown at him. Eventually finds his way home after a full on YEAR to find out...he doesn’t have one anymore.

Bonus #5 The Day the World Went Away: The assclowns haunted mansion fic I promised for years lmao. Combining inspiration from Twin Peaks, Silent Hill and my own dreams, I hope it ends up being done in time for this year’s Halloween lmao (or earlier)

Bonus #6 Nick + Jack + Nick: DaltonStokes + Nick Corelli. Cause we need to give Nick Corelli some love dammit.

[lycorogue]

For your ask game... 7, 13,15 and 16!

Livrever! You're just as bad as @cyhyr! You should also be well aware of my wordiness! Welp. Looks like I'm dusting off that good old Long Post hashtag again today. 😂

[Fanfic Writer Ask Game Questions]

7. What story/headcanons do you feel the proudest of?

By far the headcanon (which became a story) that I'm proudest of is the origin story of the lucky charm bracelet Marinette gave Adrien in "Gamer."

She already had it on-hand, and she didn't seem to have made it specifically to gift to Adrien. She even said he could "borrow" it, but never got it back. I think the charm bracelet was a spur of the moment decision to try to cheer him up and build up his confidence. When I was a kid, my mom gifted me various inspirational cards and worry stones to help me through finals and remind me that I could achieve anything I put my mind to. It felt fitting that Marinette's parents would do something similar, and THAT is where the bracelet originally came from.

If you want to read the full headcanon-inspired story, you can find it here: Build Your Own Luck

I love this headcanon so much I'm making sure to work it into my "I promise, I'm still working on it" WIP One and the Same.

Honorable Mention for favorite headcanon would be the headcanons I came up with for my Plagg-centric/Plagg-Appreciation story Forever in Darkness. In particular, my headcanon that Plagg was Aladdin's "lesser genie of the ring" from the 1001 Arabian Nights tale. I basically had that headcanon since I first saw Origins and Plagg mentioned meeting a genie before.

(Also, ya know, I still consider my first completed multi-chapter story Peeping Tomcat my magnum opus... so... yeah... proud of that one too)

13. When did you start writing fanfic?

I've been dabbling in fanfic pretty much ever since I understood what fandom was. When I was in elementary school I would create a whole series of X-Men OCs (only to discover a decade or so later that nearly every OC I thought of is already a canon X-Men character, they just never made the cut for the 90s cartoon).

In middle school and early high school (so roughly ages 12 through 15), I created a self-insert Batman OC (and love interest for Dick Grayson's Robin). She was Selena Kyle's niece that moved in with her. She struggled between excitedly being her Aunt Selena's apprentice as a cat burglar, and using those skills to be a hero with Batman and Robin. I can't recall the character's name anymore, but she went by the alias Black Panther (because that was my school's mascot and I'm a nerd like that).

About the age of 16 or 17 I joined my first play-by-post role-play game where I played Harley Quinn. It didn't last long before the game master went to college and the whole thing fell apart.

Then there was a fanfic dry spell. I did work on original works almost constantly from the age of 10 straight through to college. Then I had a college professor that more-or-less broke my creative writing spirit, sadly. I still wrote for video production classes and scriptwriting classes, but I didn't write anything recreationally for over 5 years.

Then, in 2009 I got back into the "Hey, Arnold!" fandom. August 2010 I wrote my first fanfic for the fandom. It would be the first fanfic I would ever publish online. I've been working on fanfics again ever since. 😁 (if you don't want to read the story on FFN, you can find the import over to AO3 here)

15. What is the fanfic you’ve written that you’re most proud of?

As I said before, I still think of Peeping Tomcat as my magnum opus. It is the longest story I've written. It is the first multi-chapter story I was able to actually complete. There are a lot of moments in that story that I just love to reread myself. It's the first story I've written that I felt compelled to write a sequel to (sadly, said sequel, One and the Same, has been stubborn the past 4 years and won't properly form, so that's still a WIP). It's the only ML fanfic I've published that has inspired fanart (but it's not my first fanfic ever to inspire art. That honor goes to my sadly abandoned HA! fanfic What is Truly Meant to Be). Plus, I got to emotionally torture poor Adrien, but also give him a happy ending.

Runner Up, I think, would have to be Prescription for Love, which is my interpretation of what Adrien did off-screen during the season 3 episode "Backwarder." A lot of my reviews have stated how much people loved Kagami in that story despite not particularly enjoying her canon characterization at that point in the series. Plus, Adrien is an oblivious little mush.

Honorable Mentions to the aforementioned Build Your Own Luck as well as my first Christmas-themed story Woven Heartstrings. I am still amazed at how perfect the gifts are for all of the characters, and I was the one who thought of them!!!! Plus, I've had a surprisingly large number of kudos/comments on that story outside of the holiday season, so it must really resonate with people even outside of December. Final Honorable Mention goes to the aforementioned Plagg-Appreciation story Forever in Darkness.

16. What fanfic tropes do you avoid writing for?

Goodness. I actually don't write for tropes. Not really. I aim more for "how close to a legit episode can I make this story?" or just general "This plot bunny showed up and I guess I'm nurturing it now???"

I don't know if I even KNOW all of the basic fanfic tropes....

If I used the This or That (Fanfic Edition) game as a guide, I think the tropes off of that list I'd avoid would be:

Flower Shop AU - I don't know much about flowers for that to be worth trying

Historical AU - I am TRASH at historical anything... although I'm a HUGE steampunkest... go figure

Major AU reworks in general - I am perfectly content snuggled into the canon. I like this show for a reason. And I like fanfic because the world building has already been done for me.

Crack??? - I don't have anything against crack. I quite enjoy it. I just... I'm not creative enough to come up with something so bonkers????

Whump - Not intentionally, at least. I almost never go into a story with the goal to torture the characters. That just... kinda... sorta... happens??? Sometimes???

Enemies to Lovers - I ADORE this trope, but I don't know if I could ever manage to write Adrien/Chat Noir as Marinette's/Ladybug's enemy nearly as masterfully as the other works already out there. Especially when some of my "competition" includes Discordant Sonata by @edendaphne and Curiosity and Satisfaction by @imthepunchlord.

Whew! This was even longer than the 4-question ask from Cyhyr! You ladies sure do know how to get me to talk. 😁

Thanks so much for the ask! Anyone else interested in getting to know more about me and my writing style? Feel free to drop me those asks. 😁

[mammon-chan]

Deja Vu (Mammon x F!MC)

TW: blood, death, violent thoughts

A scream echoed through the House of Lamentation. It was a common sound – sometimes Asmodeus would screech about someone stealing his hair products, or Leviathan would yell about missing out on a limited-edition figurine. However, this time, the scream was unfamiliar – higher pitched than the rest of the brothers’ and was silenced quickly.

Mammon, who had walked along the corridor to try and spy on your conversation of Lucifer, raced towards the source. You were lying there, on the ground, battered and bloodied. His own brother, who was supposed to be on exchange in the human world, laughed hysterically as he was pulled back by Lucifer and Beelzebub.

Mammon didn’t understand anything people were saying – there was a roaring in his ears he couldn’t silence. He knelt beside you. Carefully, Mammon pulled your semi-conscious body into his arms. “Elena! Hang in there! Elena!”

“Mammon, you look like such a fool!” Belphegor sneered. “A human’s about to kick the bucket, and yet here you are, panicking as if it’s the end of the world!” He could barely finish his sentence due to his laughter, a crazed look in his eyes that Mammon didn’t recognise.

Your eyes fluttered, shifting to meet his. Your face was tense as you tried to fake a smile, your voice quiet within the din as you spoke, “at least I kept that promise, huh?” His mind went blank as he tried to decipher what you mean.

 He was sitting on your bed. His hands shook as he wrapped bandages around your arm, the shock of you nearly dying at Leviathan’s hand, whilst he’d tripped, unable to stop anything from happening was still evident. Lucifer had stepped in at the last minute, saving you from harm’s way. Leave it to Lucifer to clean up Mammon’s messes, he had thought bitterly.

“…Listen. The next time your life’s in danger, I’m gonna be the one to save you, all right? Don’t you forget that.” He paused, swallowing as his hands slid away from yours. Seeming to hesitate before he continued, “…And if I can’t manage to save ya, then make sure you die, got it?!”

A short silence, and you nodded, giving him a small smile. “All right.” You answered. “I promise.” With your uninjured hand, you locked pinkies with him

Mammon shook his head. “No. No, you’re not gonna die, ya hear me? Don’t you dare die!” He yelled. Tears blurred his vision as they fell down his cheeks. His glasses were getting smeared and he could barely see. He didn’t care.  

Raising a hand up to cup his face, your thumb grazed against his cheek. Your lips moved to form words he would never hear. He felt your hand drop and your eyes fluttered shut.

He doesn’t know how long he held you for. Curses spewed from his mouth as he screamed and cried. At some point he was pulled away from your body by Lucifer who had an odd look of concern on his face. He had tried to calm Mammon down. It doesn’t work. Mammon broke free from Lucifer’s grasp and bolted out of the house as fast as he could. Never stopping, never looking back.

When he finally arrived at the Demon Lord’s Castle, Barbatos was there, waiting for him. With the same polite smile as ever, he greeted Mammon. “So, you still haven’t managed it?” It feels like he’s being mocked. He ignored the comment and passed Barbatos.

“One more time. I’ll save her this time.” He swore on it.

--------

He awoke with a start. It all felt like a bad dream that would never end.

After getting changed into his uniform, he barged into your room as always, to find you, sat at your vanity mirror, seeming to have spaced out. It was normal to find you staring into space – he almost laughed with how regular the sight he saw was. You snapped out of your dream-world and your eyes met with his reflection. Due to the amount of times the brothers had barged into your room, you didn’t seem to be rattled by the fact he’d entered unannounced. “Good morning, mi amor!”

His eyes widened, and in just a few steps, he encases you within a rib-breaking hug that would rival Beelzebub’s.

You let out a small squeak of surprise and patted his arm in hopes he’d let you go so you could breathe. He loosened his grip but kept a firm hold on you. As he spoke, he rested his head on your shoulder. “Sorry, sorry. Just– Lemme stay like this for a little longer.” His voice was barely above a whisper. Your fingers threaded through his hair, and he let out a sigh.

“I feel like I’ve failed you,” He whispered.

You stiffened under his grasp, and he cursed himself for letting his thoughts slip out. “What?”

“Agh, nothin’, nothin’!” He let go of you and waved his hands precariously in front of him and grinned, making an obvious show of ‘nothing’ being wrong. “Was just talkin’ to myself, don’t ya worry, Elena.” You stared at him for a long moment, before you nodded.

“If you say so, love.”

Mammon could tell you hadn’t believed a word he had said. However, you weren’t the type to pry too much, so you didn’t question him. And for now, just being here with you was enough.

You were alright. Everything would be okay.

--------

But he knows that it isn’t. He spent the last year repeating the same day over and over. Trying, trying to save you. Always failing.

Each time you died seemed more devastating than the last – how could you keep disappearing during your conversation with Lucifer, then suddenly show up with Belphegor? He didn’t understand.

He’d tried, time and time again to follow you, but each time, he’d get stuck at the stairs that led to the attic. And surely you weren’t up there, because nobody was allowed there, except Lucifer.

Sometimes his anger would bubble up too much, and he’d even contemplate on whether he should murder his own brother, Belphegor, after he’d killed you so many times. Or at least severely injuring him before his brothers got in the way. Perhaps he could force him to talk about how he killed you when he was supposed to be in the human world. The violent urges would pass within minutes, and he’d mentally beat himself up over the fact he’d even think about killing his own brother.

--------

You had died once again. He had found you, half conscious, being dragged out to the hallway by his brother, who’s chest puffed out with pride at killing a ‘measly’ human that he despised. At some point, during one of the many times he’d repeated the timeline, he’d stopped crying when you died. He’d grown numb to the sensation of grief stabbing away at his heart. Instead, he turned, his head lowered, fists swung tightly by his sides. He left the House of Lamentation as his brothers mourned after you, and headed, as always, to the Demon Lord’s Castle.

The first thing Mammon had saw was Barbatos, stood by the entrance. His lips were curled into a smirk, and Mammon walked forward. He swung his fist forwards towards the other demon’s face, and Barbatos caught the punch before it landed, twisting Mammon’s hand away from him before he released.

“There’s no point in getting upset at me for your own failures.” The butler turned and walked back inside, and Mammon followed him inside, just like clockwork.

“You’re right.” He mumbled and stretched out his hand, fingers running over the fingernail marks that had bit into his palm.

He had followed Barbatos into his room, watched as he opened the door once again for him. If he stepped through, everything would be reset once again. You wouldn’t be dead anymore. You would be alive, in the Devildom.

With the next step he took, his demon form took place. After all the repeats of the same timeline, in the same dimension, he had grown more powerful. He could feel this extra energy surging through his veins, urging him to finally make a move. Barbatos turned towards Mammon as he stepped forward again, and with one swift blow to the head, he was down. He kicked the door shut, moving towards another door before Barbatos could recover. He was just thankful that Barbatos had explained which door contained which power, or he would’ve been lost in the time-loop forever. He yanked the door open.

“There’s only one way for us to be happy.” He muttered to himself as he stepped into the void beyond the doorway.

If he couldn’t save you, then he would create a universe where you would never get hurt again.

And with that last thought, his vision turned black.

  --------

some of y’all might’ve been wondering: damn, jo hasn’t written/posted anything in a bit. jokes legit nobody has thought that and that’s because i’ve been working on this commission for the lovely @eckya! it’s actually the longest fic i’ve wrote in Years at around 1.4k words (which isn’t that long but shh) 

they requested a fic with their custom MC inspired by madoka magica rebellion and it was pretty fun to play around/write with wibbly wobbly timey wimey... stuff. god i make myself cringe, this isnt 2012 tumblr

i hope y’all enjoy this fic bc it took a While due to quarantine fkjbggkj

if y’all did enjoy, feel free to tip my work here! or even commission me!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #427

“don’t pray for me when you’re the one enslaved”

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say? I wouldn't say anything, I'm pretty sure I'd just break down. Do you play video games? Not really anymore. :/ I probably would, though, if I had the appropriate consoles for games I want. You can only replay PS2 games but so many times before you're tired of them. Do you spend a lot of time with family? No, honestly. Is your house more than two stories tall? It only has one floor. Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you? I'm not in a relationship, but I have most certainly never hit an s/o, and they've never hit me. I wouldn't tolerate that shit. What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!) I'm not. What color is your hairbrush/comb? White. What snacks do you have available in your household atm? Hm. Just some fruity grain and oats bars, as well as cashew ones. We try to keep sweets out of the house. Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive? No. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Holy fuck yes, she's drop-dead gorgeous. Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you? Ha, I'm sure. Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female? Some random middle-aged man, like who are you sir. Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? My dad. He can be so rude to people sometimes. When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? Not sure. It's been quite a while. Do you play any games on Facebook? No. What would you like to get a degree in? It'd be nice to get a degree in Arts, but yeah... I'm never going back to school. Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? Pretty much every night. Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? Play a video game. Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater? Almost without fail. You've got to, it's part of the experience. What genre of films do you like the best? Horror. How many bank accounts do you have? None, actually. Have you ever had the flu? No, thankfully. What is your goal for the next few months? To start getting in shape/losing weight. I seriously hope this gym routine works out. Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life? I have seveeeere sleep apnea. It's shocking, I never would've guessed it, though, so the diagnosis (I had a sleep study, so yes, it's legit) was an extreme surprise. I don't snore at all, nor do I like pass out in the middle of something, but I stop breathing A LOT. For a year or two (no, that is not an exaggeration), it caused consistent, horrible, and violent nightmares/terrors. It made sleep frightening to me, and I was never getting a truly restful sleep. Now, I have an APAP mask (like a less extreme version of a CPAP mask) that helps me greatly. I only very rarely am surprised by a more subtle nightmare now. Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience. No, thankfully. What are two things that you have no problem paying full price for? Quality tattoos, for one. And maybe uhhh... idk. We're the kind of family that buys off-brand foods and drinks all the time because it's cheaper, so I can't say that. Maybe health care? Like I wouldn't want service from a sketchy dentist or something. Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex. Charming and romantic. Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it? No. You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? That's hard for me to say. She doesn't seem to like talking about her past very much, because I know it's turbulent with her mother. I would say her being disowned, but I don't know how that *actually* affected her. Maybe it was for the better she wasn't under her mom's authority anymore. Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? I guess my mom, but she's actually smaller than me now. She's lost a lot of weight and is still going at it. Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? Not a house, but rather hay rides and those places you just walk through and experience different stuff. They don't scare me at all; I love 'em. Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? No. Which is worse: dusting or mopping? Ugh, mopping. I don't mind dusting. Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious? No. Did you pull a senior prank? No. That shit is so dumb. Did you graduate? High school, yes. Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? No, and I never would. What was the last song you listened to? I'm listening to Lauren Babic and Halocene's cover of "Bleed It Out" by Linkin Park right now. It's great. Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell no. Is fashion one of your interests? No. Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone? Hell if I know. Do you care what people think? Way, way more than I should. Is acting something you enjoy? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I feel so stupid. What was the last thing you broke/sprained? I tore a ligament badly in my foot maybe a year and a half ago. I was SO sure it was broken. My mom had to help me walk everywhere, and even when she did, I'd be whimpering and seething. Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours? No. Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language? No. Whose house, other than yours and your families', are you most comfortable at? If we're excluding all family, I suppose Sara's? Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? Probably at some point as a kid. Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? I played a lot. The only two I really didn't like were soccer and cheerleading. Did you ever watch the show Full House? Hell yeah, I loved it as a kid. Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry? Ha ha y'all know I joke about it, but no, not legitimately. It's not like I know him personally at all, and I'm not chasing him to California either. Just let me dream still lmao. Have you ever burned someone’s picture? No, but I've actually heard it's truly therapeutic and not just for dramatic effect, so I wouldn't be opposed to doing so if you handed me a picture of him and a lighter. What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on? I've never hiked before. Would you ever get a lip tattoo? Uh, no. Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? Jason. Do your parents smoke cigarettes? My dad smokes like a chimney and is 100% going to end up with cancer because of it. You should hear his cough. Mom smoked for a very, very brief period before I was born. What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? "Equal in our bones" is on my favorite shirt. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Certain inverts people are wild enough to get, like giant African centipedes in particular. Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? Can't say I care. do you enjoy going through old pictures? Sometimes. Other times, it's too painful. It also depends on the era of the pictures. Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? Ha, no. We all have natural first impressions and things like that that just... happen. What did you love the most about the town you grew up in? Nothing, really... besides just childhood memories that inevitably came. My hometown was dangerous. What’s a movie that you laughed the hardest during? I'm not sure. What’s a movie you cried the hardest during? I want to say Old Yeller, but I'm not sure. What’s your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden and The Cheesecake Factory. Is there a dessert you don’t like? Yeah; I don't like pie, strawberry shortcake, and I know there're others. Favorite album? Ozzy's Black Rain. It was my introduction to metal, so there's nostalgic value there, but I also just LOVE every single song. What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it? None. I don't read books for that reason. Underwater or outer space? Both kinda frighten me to a degree, but I find outer space to be way cooler. So many colorrrrrrs. Dogs or cats? Cats. Kittens or puppies? Ugh, both are so cute, but I gotta hand it to kittens. Bird watching or whale watching? Whale watching would blow me away. Whales are such magnificent, awe-inspiring animals. What is your spirit animal? Probably a deer. Skittish, shy, and quiet. What was your best subject in school? English. What was your worst subject in school? Math. What is one thing you wish you knew in high school? You and Jason aren't going to last, hunty. Who is your fashion icon? I don't have one. I wear what I want/what's comfortable. Diamonds or pearls? I think diamonds are a lot prettier. What color dress did you wear to prom? First one was maroon, last one was black. What’s your favorite plot-twist? Silent Hill: Shattered Memories. My jaw actually dropped. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Yes. Honestly, what’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? Said things I shouldn't. Honestly, ever made anyone cry when you were mad? Yes. Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? Two weeks ago or something like that. Ever pop someone else’s pimple? OH MY GOD NO alskdfa;wekrwer; Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? No. Who are you closest to? My mom. Have you ever had a bad concert experience? No. Are you currently sad about anything? A number of things. Have you had any form of exercise today? No, but tomorrow is day #2 at the gym! Can you handle blood? Yeah, np. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No sir=ee. Are you currently searching for a job? Not anymore, at least not actively. I was going to after TMS, but I'm just... still not ready. Right now, I'm focusing on the gym and getting healthy again, but if the seemingly perfect job comes along, I'm not opposed to taking it up. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No, I've got to have breakfast or else THEN I feel awful.

[thtavrgwhteguy]

Reflection

I was originally gonna write about the importance o a five-year plan, but honestly I have no idea what I’d talk about. HA! I’ve only ever written those in high school when they made us do it for “goal-making lessons” which I guess were kind of important. I don’t have any from high school to reflect upon but, I’m gonna assume that my goals were “Be in college.”, or “Be in a band.” I guess I’ve lived up to my five years so far hahaha, I’m up at UNT now which gives me an out-of-body experience type thing, mostly because I never saw myself ACTUALLY going to a four-year school. Junior year was pretty butt cheeks looking back about five years ago lol. I had made many new friends the previous year but thanks to work and school schedules, I didn’t really have any until second semester with my man Zane (Thanks dude) and when I met Corbin lol. Took a break from an old friend around that time so I guess 2016-2017 was my isolated/journey as a depressed kid ha. I think I cried twice during that year, once on my 17th birthday and another time in my 97′ CR-V. I remember discovering Chance the Rapper’s Nostalgia that year and that was legit the perfect song for me at the time, I was extremely introspective and hyper-sentimental. I still recall thinking “damn this song is my generation’s 1979″. The vivid memory of blubbering like a little bitch in my car when driving around looking for shit to do still hits my noggin sometimes when I hear that song, but I’m in a way better place now so I can actually listen to that song lol. For the longest time I used to skip that song if it came on in-class so people wouldn’t look at me! That same year I discovered Nick Drake’s Pink Moon which helped boost my guitar playing with fingerstyle/fingerpicking playing. That really helped broaden my horizons as a player, it kickstarted my shitty song writing career, and helped cope with being a sad bitch all the time. I’m satisfied with the journey that school year took me on, I’m glad that I am where I am now but for some reason there’s apart of me that misses just sitting in my walk-in closet playing guitar and singing to myself at 12 o’clock every night. I’m writing this as I go so if it’s a jumbled mess sorry! I hope you made it this far :) I guess a lesson to take from this: Take the good with the bad because most of the time, good times you reminisce while bad times you learn from. So, take the bad with the good, remember relationships you made from those times, and see how far they’ve taken you. 

[teamatsumu]

Escape Plan

Summary: (CA:TWS AU) The reader is Alexander Pierce’s daughter, but she wants nothing to do with him. One morning, she is asked to help save millions of people by extracting from HYDRA their most powerful asset; the Winter Soldier. Thus comes together the escape plan. Will she succeed? Or will she get herself and the Soldier both killed along the way?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier x reader

Word Count: 7,449

Warnings: Mentions of death and anxiety.

A/N: This is the longest one shot i’ve ever written but it’s an idea i’ve been mulling over for a while now. executing this was hard since its different from what i usually write, so pls tell me what y’all think!

“I need to know that I can trust you.”

Alexander Pierce’s voice was low, calm and smooth. It was just you and him at the back of the limo, a shiny black glass window separating you two from the driver. You lazily leaned back in your seat, staring out of your side of the car window. The streets of New York were crowded as always, so the ride was understandably slow.

“Of course you can. I’m your daughter.” You answered tiredly.

For the last few days, your father had been indirectly implying that he had a very important ‘project’ to share with you. He hadn’t yet told you what it was, only saying it was very important that you understand how sensitive it was and how it had helped shape HYDRA into what it was today.

Your father had been working to expand HYDRA within SHIELD’s ranks for a very long time now. You had been made aware of this fact when you were eighteen, which was about eight years ago, after which you had proceeded to freak out and label him a traitor. You had completely cut off all ties with him, and instead of studying computer programming and business management like you’d always thought you would (so you could take over for your father) you chose medicine, selecting a college on the other side of the country and hoping to never see him again.

Things changed, however, one cold November morning last year when an email popped up in your computer.

Y/N Y/L/N,

We are a group of anonymous personnel contacting you for one sole purpose: help. You are clearly not in good communications with your father. We encourage you to re-establish that connection. People’s lives may depend on it.

We will contact you shortly.

The message had rattled you a bit, shocked how anyone had known of your father. You got by these days with your mother’s maiden name. This couldn’t be possible.

You had had a friend in the IT department run the IP address, and were shocked to find that it was untraceable. Despite being an expert at tracking and hacking, your friend failed to find the source of the email, or even the location of origin. It was, indeed, completely anonymous. And it also implied that whoever it was, was legit.

You had replied asking who it was, though you guessed they wouldn’t tell you. You were right, as you got no response. Then, you begin to ponder the contents of the email.

You hadn’t talked to your father in about 8 years. You had dissociated yourself from that life, constructed a whole new one for yourself here in California. You had a good job. You helped people. You were happy.

People’s lives may depend on it.

You called your father for the first time in eight years that November, curious to see what he was up to. How was this going to help save lives? You didn’t know. But something about the urgency of the email told you that you had to at least test it out.

Your father was rightfully shocked at your phone call, and you proceeded to spew bullshit about how you’d been thinking of talking to him for a while, but were too hesitant and scared. He was quick to forgive you, and you spent the next two hours talking. He told you of the progress he had made, being promoted to Secretary.

“I’m making a real difference here.” He said. “All my visions, they’re taking shape.”

He was vague about said visions, but you understood why. HYDRA was being very, very discreet within SHIELD’s ranks. The couldn’t afford to be discovered.

As soon as you hung up, your open laptop pinged. Another email.

Very good. This tells us you can be trusted. We will contact you shortly.

Were they spying on you? It was obvious that they were. Had your phones been tapped? Did they have eyes on you? Fear nestled itself in your chest, but you were helpless. You didn't know what to do. You certainly couldn't tell your father. He was the reason you were in this situation in the first place.

After two days of radio silence, Nick Fury showed up at your apartment.

You gaped at him, holding the door open. He was dressed in all black, as you remembered he often did when you were young. His expression was solemn, almost bored, as he stepped past you into the room without invitation.

“Nice place.” He commented as he settled into the couch, grunting a bit. You stood rock still, not having moved your eyes from him. His words made you snap out of your trance.

“Uh, thanks.”

“I’m assuming you know about HYDRA.” He continued, as if it were the most random subject change. “That’s why you left New York, right?”

You blinked, unable to catch up. You walked to the chair opposite the couch and sat down. “Why- What are you doing here?”

“You left because of HYDRA?”

Impatiently, you nodded. “You know about it?”

He shrugged a bit. “Smelled something fishy a while ago, found out recently a whole parasite was growing within SHIELD.”

You nodded again. “Do you plan to do anything about it?”

He gave you a look. “You think I'm going to let them run rampant in my organization? I don't think so.”

You cracked a smile, standing up. “Let me make you a cup of tea.”

Once you had settled back again with warm mugs for you both, you asked him the burning question. “Why did you come here?”

Fury pursed his lips and took a sip of the hot beverage. “Because I need your help.”

“My-” You took a breath. “In what? Taking down HYDRA?”

He nodded.

You let out a breathy laugh, shaking your head. When Nick's expression didn't change, your smile dropped and you sighed.

“Ever heard the phrase, ‘cut off one head and two more shall take its place’?” You quoted sarcastically.

He smirked at that. “Ever heard the phrase, ‘cut off the head and the body will flounder’?”

Your breath caught, realizing what he meant. Your grip on your mug increased as you stared at him.

“You want to kill my father.” You whispered. Fury nodded slowly.

Silence took over the space for a good few moments before you spoke again. “What exactly are HYDRA planning? I'm assuming it's bad, but if you came here to ask a daughter to kill her father, you must be very desperate.”

Fury sighed, tapping his fingers on his knee. “Project Insight, meant to kill almost half a million people per second. Anyone with the slightest potential to hinder HYDRA is going to go. That includes you.”

You let the ice cold truth sink into you, fear blooming in your mind. You waited for Fury to give you something, anything, that could be considered a silver lining, but nothing came.

“When it this going to happen?”

“Sometime next Fall.”

“Does anyone else know?”

He shook his head, placing his empty cup on the coffee table. “I'll tell my most trusted when the time is right. But I need to know that you're on board.”

You took in a shaky breath, feeling overwhelmed, tears clouding your eyes. “I don't…. he's my father, Nick.”

Fury then sat up, leaning forward on his elbows to catch your eye. “I won't ask you to do that. I can take care of Pierce. I need you to do something else for me.”

Your eyebrows furrowed at that.

“HYDRA has a secret weapon. The reason why they've come so far. A man, a HYDRA operative. Goes by the name of the Winter Soldier.”

You nodded slowly. “I've heard of him. I thought he was just a story.”

Fuey shook his head. “It's true. He's real. I confirmed it.”

Again, you nodded. This was a lot of information. You couldn't even tell how much was sinking in.

“I want you to come back to New York. I want you to extract the Winter Soldier from within HYDRA.”

Your eyes widened and you put your hand up. “Wait, wait, wait.” You stared, mind struggling to keep track. “Come back to New York? I- Nick, I have a life here.”

He smiled a bit, the first positive expression to appear on his face. His one eye was boring into yours with extreme intensity, and it made you squirm with nervousness.

“Half a million people in one second, Y/N.”

Your eyes screwed shut, sighing and letting your head drop into your hands. You contemplated reinserting yourself into that life, and gritted your teeth. This shouldn't be a question. Half a million people.

“Okay.” You breathed. “What do you mean by extracting him?”

Fury’s smile was twice as big now. Abruptly, he stood up and began walking to the door. You scrambled to catch up.

“Nick?”

“I'll let you know when the time's right. Start packing your bags.”

Then he disappeared through the door, leaving you in the doorway breathless and with a slowly forming headache. You leaned against the frame for support, trying to not collapse under your shaky legs.

………………

So here you were today, four months after Fury’s visit, sharing a limo with your dad as he drove you to a private HYDRA base. You were playing dumb, of course. You knew what his ‘project’ was and what he planned with it. He was about to officially introduce you to the Winter Soldier. AKA, Bucky Barnes. AKA, your mission objective.

It had taken months of kissing ass and swearing fake loyalty to make this day finally come. Every day that passed made you more aware of how smart Nick was in choosing you. You were a doctor that specialized in rare medical diagnostics. You were also Pierce’s daughter. If anyone was going to get access to the Soldier, and fast, it was you.

Your palms were sweaty with nervousness, but you kept your face blank. It was hard to do. You weren't trained for stuff like this. Your profession taught you face control to some extent, but never in situations this extreme. It was very hard to keep your cool. But for once, you didn't question why you agreed to this, and the reason was very simple: Barnes.

For the past four months, the sole focus of your attention had been Bucky Barnes. You had scoured every source both in and outside HYDRA for information about him. Around a week ago, you managed to get into the records HYDRA kept on how they had dealt with the Asset over the decades. His treatment was inhumane, and it made you realize just how monstrous HYDRA actually was. The night you had spent poring over all the documents detailing his experimentation was the night you had cried, sitting cross-legged on your bed and reading through the kind of torture he had been put through. HYDRA doctors and scientists talked of him as if he were an inanimate object, and not an actual human being that they subjected to worlds of pain.

The knowledge had only made your resolve Stronger. HYDRA was just as fanatical as back when Hitler founded it. They couldn't be allowed to bloom in this world. You were going to go through with this. You would get Barnes out of there even if it got you killed along the way. No man deserved to go through what he did. And you would make sure he didn't have to endure that anymore.

The base was designed as a large building that looked like it had been abandoned years ago. It was only when you got inside, led by your father into what looked like an entire underground research center, that you understood that the exterior was just to throw off suspicion. Four or five guards walked with you and your father as you crossed the building, hands resting on the guns in their hip holsters. You memorized the path you were taking down the many hallways. Left, left, first door to the right, left again. You got to a wide, grey concrete corridor that ended with a large, steel reinforced door. Past that door was another one, this one guarded by two other men. They carried large caliber machine guns and you gritted your teeth. You had expected a lot of security, but this was beyond anything you had prepared yourself for. How the hell were you going to get Barnes out of this?

Speaking of.

The room you were led into was large and brightly lit. Smack in the middle of it was a large, leather chair, and sitting in the chair was the Soldier himself.

Your footsteps faltered a bit as your father stopped before the chair, you a few steps behind him. You eyed the two doctors in the room, the one technician working on the Soldier's metal arm. You took in his hollow eyes. A quick study of his posture showed you that he displayed textbook perfect positioning. Meaning he was still in Winter Soldier mode.

Your heart ached for him as you recalled the years of pain he had endured. Reluctantly and with a lot of effort, you tore your eyes from him. You didn't have time to get emotional now.

In the five minutes your father talked to him, you took in as much detail as your eyes could pick up. There was a keyboard system next to the steel door, on top of it, a thin slit. Which meant that you would need card clearance to get in here. So far, you had counted eight guards. But surprisingly, none of them were inside the room.

An idea was building in your head.

Barnes’ cryo freezer was standing in the room, at the far right corner. From your distance, you couldn't see the controls, so you casually walked around the room, as if taking everything in. The guards didn't seem to pay mind to it, neither did the scientists, and you continued on. You took in the control panel, letting your eyes pick out every detail. Standard settings. You could get the stats later from the files you had.

How am I going to fool the guards into letting one person walk in here, but two walk out?

You had the answer as soon as you asked the question in your mind, and you felt your lips twitch up. The rough outlines of a plan were beginning to form.

“So what did you think?” Your father asked you once you two had stepped out. You hummed in question.

“About what?”

He huffed. “About Barnes of course.”

“Oh.” You nodded sharply. “He's…. interesting. I'm curious, how many people do you have working on him? It must take a lot of effort to make this project functional.”

You nearly bit your own tongue off, talking as if the person you were referring to was an experimental machine. God, once this was over, you would have to bathe in bleach.

He shrugged at that. “It's variable. At least three at all times.”

“And how frequently do you monitor him?”

Pursing his lips, Pierce gave himself a moment to think. “Once he's in cryo? We monitor his vitals once a day. Otherwise, almost once every few hours. Brain activity is slightly uncertain. We're still trying to work out complete memory suppression. Every time he's out of cryo, he needs to be wiped and prepped. It becomes a hassle after a while.”

You gritted your teeth so you wouldn't grimace or give away your disapproval. You couldn't believe how much of a monster your father was. The more you were around him, the more you never wanted to see him again. Instead, you nodded. It made Pierce smile.

“I see that you're curious about him.” He stated. “You could monitor him, you know. It's right in your area of expertise. You're a surgeon, yes?”

“Surgical resident.” You corrected, nodding anyway. “I would like to. But uh, not during the daytime. Can I come by at night?”

You continued on before he could say anything. “I worked a night shift for the longest time at the hospital, I'm kind of used to working like that.”

You hoped he would buy into your bullshit story, nearly breathing out a sigh of relief when he slowly nodded. “Nighttime means no interruptions from anyone else, so why not? I could use some fresh eyes on him.”

Bingo.

……………….

The parking lot was silent, almost hauntingly so. Or maybe it was just your nerves, making everything seem heightened and scary. In any case, you sat back in your seat, staring out of the windshield of your car. You had parked right near the entrance of the underground parking lot, making your car the quickest and easiest to get out. Even though no part of your plan was supposed to go awry and alert security, you still needed a quick getaway.

You took a deep breath, muscles tensing as you placed a small cctv jammer in your jeans pocket, courtesy of SHIELD tech department. Then, you got out of the car.

From the backseat, you pulled out a foldable trolley designed to look like a standard hospital crash cart. You'd been bringing it with you the past few nights, so this wouldn't be a suspicious move. The thing about the fake crash cart was that it was hollow on the inside. Fortunately, none of the guards had noticed that during their scans of it.

For about two weeks now, you had been coming to ‘monitor’ the Winter Soldier every night. You even wrote up fake reports and made fake diagrams to show your father your progress, making sure that he sensed nothing amiss. Granted, you had a slight advantage. Project Insight was launching soon, and it was an all HYDRA hands on deck situation. So you managed to slip by mostly unnoticed.

You had also managed to befriend one of the neurologists who'd been working on Barnes, a middle aged Russian man with a thick accent and brains so sharp that had he not been working with HYDRA, he could have made a very progressive difference to the world. But greed and money always makes people do terrible things. In any case, you had managed to pick his pocket two days ago and forge a level 10 clearance card for yourself. One that allowed you to have access to Barnes’ containment chamber without anyone's supervision. You had noticed that you would need one as soon as you saw a keyboard on the wall with a small slit on top.

As you pushed the crash cart down the elevator and through the many hallways, you kept your body as relaxed as possible, even humming a bit. There wasn't a lot of guards on patrol, though every major entrance still had two armed guards each. They wouldn't be a problem if your plan went by smoothly. Finally, you got to your destination.

The large steel door was guarded by two men you'd made small talk with many, many times now. They were the main worry in this operation. If anyone was going to smell something amiss, it would be them. You gave them an easy smile. You made sure to keep your eyes trained on the taller one, since he was the weak link. About a week ago, you'd noticed how nervous he got when you were around, quickly realizing he might have a little crush. Very convenient, and since then you had not stopped flirting with him. You didn't know where exactly you'd use him, but any little advantage would work in case of emergency.

“Hi, John.” You gave him your best smile, making him smile back.

“Hiya Y/N, alone today?” He asked.

Usually, you'd have at least one doctor with you, briefing you occasionally, making small talk, or even just quietly keeping an eye on you. But not today. You shook your head.

“Nope, got my own clearance now.” You vaguely waved your fake card. You took a deep breath, stepping up to the keyboard and inserting the card.

Please work, please work, please work.

There was a click, then the door dinged green and popped open. You felt yourself heave a little in relief. Step one was a success.

“Good for you.” John was saying. “Be careful in there. Don't touch the cryo.”

You smiled, walking back to your cart. “Of course not, John. I know better.” You played it safe by throwing a wink his way.

John seemed to shift a bit, smiling wide as you stepped inside. Score. You had him. The door shut behind you with a low but loud bang, and finally, you breathed.

Your eyes fell on your watch. 9pm. You had roughly four hours before anyone got suspicious. The guards wouldn't question how you'd gotten clearance. Of course they wouldn't. You're Alexander Pierce’s daughter. You could get them fired if you wanted to. By the time anyone realized you weren't supposed to have clearance, you'd be long gone.

The controls and commands to opening the cryo had been burned into your fingertips with how many times you'd practiced them on a dummy back home. So opening it wasn't an issue. Neither was the mechanical humming of the glass lifting and fog streaming into the room from the machine. The walls were soundproofed.

Now came the hardest part.

Your eyes fell on Barnes, his covered face and dark goggles. He was dressed in combat gear, tight black leather alternating between tough denim. You walked forward to unstrap him from the stand, yelping as he fell heavily on you. You grunted and heaved, dragging him down from the machine to the floor. You laid him there, trying to catch your breath. Slowly and gently, you removed the man's black mask and goggles. His face was clear of any expression, and he looked almost peaceful, as if he were asleep.

You looked at him for a little bit, watching the ice melt from his hair and clothes. You stood up to walk to the crash cart, opening the hollow space from the side to reach for an oxygen tank and mask, hooked and ready to go. Gently as you could, you lifted his head to fit the mask over his nose and mouth. Then you sat back cross-legged… and waited.

This was all an uncertain game from this point onward. From what you had read in the many, many reports HYDRA had on James Barnes, the Asset always woke up from cryo disoriented and confused, sluggish, lethargic, and displaying slurred speech. He remained so until he was given electroshock therapy and prepped for combat. They had failed to specify how long he would be like that without the electroshock, or if he remembered anything during the time out of cryo and before the therapy.

That was the weak point of your plan. This plan could work or fail, and it all depended to Barnes himself. If you had any hope of getting him out of here, you needed him alert and fully conscious. And more importantly, you needed him quiet.

Since the day you'd first visited the Soldier, you had been going over multiple different escape plans. It took you roughly twenty minutes to get from your car to this containment chamber. Fresh out of cryo, Barnes could wake up anytime during those twenty minutes. You couldn't risk him groaning and giving anything away. So this was the second best option.

You repeated your plan in your head again as you sat and waited, like a mantra playing over and over. Wait for him to wake up, brief him about what was happening as simply and quickly as possible, have him slip into the hollow space in your cart. Wheel him out of there. Simple enough, but it all came down to him.

You looked at your watch again. Three hours and forty five minutes left. You prayed that was enough time to actually convince Barnes to do all you were asking him to do. You were no psychologist. You had no idea how you were going to get through to him. You'd practiced the simplest explanation for your actions over and over in your head, but who knows how Barnes would react to that? No amount of research or facts were going to help you with this. In every sense of the word, you would have to wing it.

You stared down at the unconscious man before you, realizing that this was your first time seeing him up close. Your heart squeezed for him as you recalled all he'd been through. Slowly, you reached forward to brush ice off his quickly dampening hair, reaching into your cart again to pull out a blanket. He must be cold.

Your head whipped around when you heard a loud, tired groan, stilling where you were. You saw his leg twitch, his face flinch before his eyes screwed shut tightly. Then, his lids flitted open.

The initial expression was confusion riddled with what could only be described as unbearable exhaustion. He groaned again, turning on his side and realizing he was wearing an oxygen mask. His hand tried to pull the mask off, but his movements were too uncoordinated, resulting in nonsensically shoving at the mask. Your reached forward and helped him pull it off, realizing he didn't comprehend that someone was there. Then, you placed an arm under him to help sit him up. His head hung forward, mumbling gibberish as you hooked your arms under his armpits from behind and pulled until he was near enough a wall to rest back against. Then, you leaned on your knees before him, hoping to catch his unfocused gaze.

“James Barnes?”

You got no response, cursing when you saw him shiver. The ice was still partially melting, leaving him stiff and unable to concentrate. He was still muttering, and closer attention to the words revealed a language you couldn't understand.

“Sergeant Barnes?” You tried again, seeing his face twitch a bit, eyes dart upward briefly in recognition. You felt hope bloom in your chest.

“It's okay.” You whispered, dragging the blanket over his shoulders and wrapping him in it before you retrieved some towels from the cart. “It's all going to be okay.”

He was still shivering, almost violently so, as you ran the towel slowly over his hair. You gently took his flesh hand. When he didn't react, you blew hot air on it, rubbing it between your own hands slowly. You watched him lean his head back, hair falling away from his face. His head rolled until he was looking at you, but his eyes were still glazed over.

“Sergeant Barnes.” You repeated. “I'm here to help you.”

Nothing. No response.

You gritted your teeth and leaned forward. “Bucky?” You whispered.

His eyelids flitted and he blinked furiously a few times, before his eyes finally met yours. You saw them focus a bit, darting between your eyes.

“Yes, hi. Hey, look at me.” You kept your voice very soft, very clear, to keep his attention on you. But his eyes strayed away, landing on the towel, the oxygen tank, and then behind them. You followed his gaze and cursed, seeing him eye the large, leather chair they used to shock him.

“No.” You heard him mumble, his voice hoarse and gravelly. His feet started kicking at the ground, back pressing further into the wall as if trying to hide in it. You shushed him a few times, shaking your head.

“No. Let go.” He was pushing at you, but his movements were too sluggish.

“No, I'm not one of them. Hey, look at me. My name is Y/N. I'm here to help you.” You realized that your lab coat wasn't really helping him trust you, making you shrug it off quickly and throw it away, leaving you in a sweater and jeans.

You gently held both sides of his face and turned it to you, demanding his attention. “Bucky, look at me. I'm here. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm going to get you out of here. You have to trust me.” You brushed a few wet strands of hair off his forehead, pressing your hand to his face again.

“Feel that? It's skin. Real skin. Not gloves or metal. I'm here. I'm your friend. I won't hurt you.”

His eyes were slowly focusing more, jaw clenching and unclenching, breaths still heavy. He seemed to have grasped onto what was concrete, gripping your hand so tightly between his that you nearly flinched. But if your hand could act as an anchor for him right now, so be it.

“Do you hear me?” You spoke again, trying to be as calm as possible. He needed to know everything was okay if he was going to be the least bit level headed. He nodded slowly, eyes still on you. You nodded encouragingly.

“I'll help you, but you have to promise you'll help me too, okay?”

He nodded again, blinking multiple times to keep his eyes from tearing up. His metal fingers clenched at his side, his flesh hand still holding tightly onto yours. It was working, he was slowly gaining focus. What you fed him now was most important.

“Listen to me very carefully,” You leaned your face inches from his so his eyes wouldn't waver in the slightest from yours. “What we're about to do is going to get us both out of here and towards safety. I need you to be very quiet, and do exactly as I say. Are you with me?”

His breathing was slowly regulating itself, and the seriousness of the situation was registering. He nodded jerkily. “Okay.”

You nodded again. “Okay. Can you stand up?”

It was a struggle to get him on his feet and walk him all the way to the cart, but you managed it. You slid open the side door, lowering Bucky to the ground before it.

“This is our decoy.” You explained in a loud, clear voice. “You have to fit it there and be very, very quiet.”

He nodded again, appearing slightly confused but nevertheless catching your meaning. It took him a full minute to get into the hollow cart, and even then it was a tight fit. You grabbed your discarded lab coat, pulling it over your body. Then you wiped your forehead and took a few easy breaths. You leaned down again, watching Bucky's eyes dart back and forth over the small space. You reached forward for his hand, and he grabbed onto yours tightly, as if he had to feel it to continue onward.

“I'm right outside.” You whispered. “It's just twenty minutes. Bucky,” he finally looked at you. “I'm right here. Everything's going to be okay.”

Slowly, you pulled your hand from his, leaving him to run his hands through his hair. You knew what was happening right now. Fresh out of cryo and with no prepping, his memories were starting to come back. Only they were like a million jigsaw pieces that didn't seem to fit anywhere.

You straightened and closed off the small compartment, taking a few deep breaths of your own. It was nearly 11am. You still had a lot of time. This was the most critical stage of your plan.

You cleaned up the mess in the room and shut the cryo doors in case the guards decided to peek in when the door opened, then you clicked the button on the door, hearing it open with its characteristic, loud thud.

The guards were still standing where they were, conversation stopping between them as you wheeled the cart out. Your heart was hammering in your chest, a beat so steady and loud you prayed you were the only one hearing it. You slipped a smile on your face.

“See you tomorrow, boys.” You greeted like you always did, pushing the cart. It was harder to do so with so much weight now on board, but you managed to make it look easy, typing a few numbers and shutting the chamber behind you. John smiled and nodded at you.

“See ya.”

When you'd rounded the end of the corridor, you allowed yourself to breathe out, feeling slightly dizzy. Fuck, you were not built for such situations. This was going to give you a heart attack.

The rest of the walk was relatively uneventful, so much so that you got worried about the person you were wheeling. Bucky hadn't so much as shifted, and you wondered what was wrong. You couldn't stop now though. You were so close.

When your cart stopped before the backseat of your car, you reached into your jeans pocket and took out your previously planted jammer, turning it on. For the next ten minutes, no camera in this place could see you.

Quickly, you lifted up the side door, leaning down to see Bucky still sitting there, rock still. His eyes were strangely hollow.

“Bucky?” You whispered, reaching for his hand. He didn't react.

Fuck. Fuck this was bad. Your eyes darted around quickly to see that the lot was still empty before turning to the Winter Soldier.

“Hey,” you reached in, cupping both sides of his face and turning is head to you. He blinked slowly.

“You with me?” You asked, making him grunt a bit.

“What's going on? I don't-” He heaved a shaky breath. “I don't understand.”

“It's okay.” You said, stroking his cheek lightly. “We're almost out. You'll be safe. You just have to get in the car. You can even sleep if you want to. I know you're tired.”

It wasn't hard to get Bucky out of the cart and into your backseat, folding his legs until he fit. You threw a black blanket over him before turning around and folding your cart. Then, you pushed the cart until it wheeled all the way across the lot, discarded. Hopefully the gate security would take the lump in your backseat as your cart, like they always did. If not, then….

You took a deep breath, closing the back door.

Bucky was already passed out by the time you were pulling the car out of the lot. You gave the guards a smile and a nod as you left, making them return the gesture. Then, you were on the busy streets of New York, away from HYDRA and with the Winter Soldier in your backseat. You leaned back in your seat, feeling tears of overwhelm swim in your eyes. You'd done it.

You'd actually done it.

……………..

A hotel room was already arranged for you near the airport. It was to serve as your rendezvous point, since you didn't have to pass the hotel lobby to get there. It had doors located outside, and you already had the key. Your fingers were slightly less shaky than before as you opened the door before walking back to your car, pulling the backdoor open.

Bucky was still asleep in the backseat, and you pulled the blanket off him. As you tried to nudge him awake, you wondered if it was wise to have let him sleep. His brain was going through a lot at the time. Was unconsciousness good or bad for him? You couldn't tell.

A particularly hard nudge seem to jolt him awake. There was a whirring sound as his metal arm came up, gripping your wrist harshly. You yelped and froze, his eyes wide and crazed, staring at you.

“It's just me.” You managed to get out. “It's Y/N.”

His grip slowly loosened, head nodding jerkily. He looked even worse than before as you helped him out of the seat, half his weight leaning on you as you walked him to the hotel room, shutting the door behind you.

“Let me run you a hot bath.” You stated. “You need to relax a bit.”

Bucky was very willing and pliant throughout the whole ordeal. You let the water in the tub run as you helped him out of his clothes and into the water, shutting the tap as his head rested on the edge of the tub. You pointedly ignored his naked body, eyes caught on the red and tender looking scar tissue where his metal arm met his body. Dear lord, those people had shown no mercy when they had fitted the prosthetic. It hurt even to this day. You leaned down next to his face.

“I'll be right outside. Will you be okay?” You asked, making him nod slowly. It rattled you a little bit, how robotic he was acting, as if he was uncertain how to behave. His eyes were wide, yet he was looking at nothing. Slowly, you left the bathroom, leaving the door open just in case.

You pulled out your burner phone to send a message. Done.

A large, duffel bag on the hotel bed contained a change of clothes for you and Bucky, fake IDs and passports, and a whole lot of cash. You had planted the bag here before your escape plan jumped into action, knowing it was everything you two needed to disappear. Bucky's passport was going to take him straight to Romania, away from HYDRA's prying eyes, and you to Greece, where you would live out the rest of your life in peace, hopefully. You were waiting for Bucky's transporter to get here.

Once you had changed and put some clothes out for Bucky, you hesitantly stepped into the bathroom again. You saw him sitting up this time, head in his hands and leaning his side against the tub.

“Hey,” You whispered as a warning that you were there, making him look up. He still looked lost, but there was a longing in his face now, as if someone who just wanted to go home.

It rattled you to your core. You took a shaky breath.

“I don't know who I am.” His voice cracked as he spoke. You saw unshed tears form a film on his eyes.

You sat down on the bathroom floor outside the tub, leaning your arms against it. Unthinkingly, you let your hand play with a wet strand of his hair. Bucky didn't resist.

“Your name is Bucky Barnes. You were born in Brooklyn, New York on March 10, 1917. You served in the Second World War as a Sergeant in the 107th. You were the member of an elite group of soldiers called the Howling Commandos, who alongside Steve Rogers, helped put an end to the War. Steve Rogers, your oldest and best friend.”

He was looking at you now, head leaning on the edge of the tub, tears were pulled across the bridge of his nose by gravity, dripping off the side of his face.

“Please keep talking.” He whispered.

You nodded, taking a breath. “During the War, you were captured by an organization named HYDRA, who experimented on you and made you what you are today. HYDRA forced you to work for them, but that ended when I got you out of there. No more fighting. No more pain. You'll be okay now.”

His eyebrows were slightly furrowed. Very minutely, he shook his head. “I don't remember.”

You leaned forward until he was looking at you again. You let your fingers brush wet strands of hair off his forehead, feeling him let out a shaky breath.

“When I called your name, you recognized it. You know what that means?” He shook his head.

“It means that you know who you are. All of it. It's in there somewhere.” You gently tapped his forehead. “You just have to find it.”

“How do I find it?”

It was a question you couldn't answer, but you smiled anyway. “You let it come. Time will fix everything, Bucky. You just have to take it easy.”

He nodded with so much belief, so much trust, you prayed to god that you were right. You felt sympathy swell inside you for the man before you. So broken, so conflicted, and so lost.

It was easier to get Bucky out of the tub and into some clothes. He could move on his own now, though he was still a bit slow. Once he was on the bed, dry and clothed, you felt yourself relax a bit. Then, someone knocked on the door.

You could practically see Bucky stiffen, eyes wide with fear and panic, but you raised a hand up, putting your finger to your lips to ask him to be quiet. You walked over to the door, making sure the chain was in place as you opened it just a crack to look out.

With a sigh of relief, you undid the chain and opened the door wider, eyes falling on Steve Rogers. He was dressed in civilian clothes, though you could see his uniform peeking out from under the collar. He nodded at you.

“All good?” He stepped inside, freezing when his eyes met Bucky's. You stepped towards the door.

“I'll give you two a minute. Uh, you might have some explaining to do.” You gave Steve a small squeeze on the shoulder before turning to leave.

Fury had introduced you to Captain America about two months ago, saying he was the one you had to bring Bucky to. Steve had been a big help in figuring out exactly what the course of action would be. He was highly trained in situations like this. He would lead Bucky out of the country, and then your mission would officially be over. You looked down at your watch. Only about two hours till your flight to Greece.

You wondered if Bucky would be okay now. Would his memories come back? How would he adjust to a new life? This was your last time seeing him, and that made you uneasy. It was strange, how situations like this could bring you closer to people, but after so many months of worrying over one man, you couldn't seem to accept the fact that he wasn't your responsibility anymore.

You wanted him to still be your responsibility.

You walked back inside about ten minutes later, watching Steve go through the fake passports. Bucky was on the bed, head in his hands and elbows on his thighs. You sat down carefully next to him, making him look up.

“Okay?” You asked and he nodded shakily. It was uncertain, and you noticed his leg bouncing up and down, his fingers wringing themselves together, the dent above his jaw showing that he was biting the inside of his cheek. All nervous ticks.

You took his flesh hand between your own, just like you had in the containment chamber, and he gripped it tightly in return.

“I know you're having trouble putting things in the right order in your head, figuring out what's real and what isn't,” you held your hand up, intertwined with his own fingers so he could look at them. You shook them a little for emphasis. “See this? This is real. You are real, I'm real. That man over there? Your best friend?” You pointed at Steve, who was looking at the two of you now. “He's real. And he's going to do only what's best for you. You have to trust him.”

His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. “What about you?”

You smiled at him a bit, using your free hand to push a strand of hair behind his ear. It was a strange habit you'd developed throughout the day, and you couldn't stop doing it. Bucky didn't seem to mind though.

“I'm going someplace I can hide too. Once HYDRA realizes what I've done, they'll be frantically looking for me everywhere.”

His grip on your hand tightened, confusing you as he shook his head.

“No.” His voice was slightly panicked. “You'll come with us.”

Your eyes widened and you looked at Steve, who was looking at Bucky in surprise.

“Uh..” You hesitated. “I don't know, Bucky. I wouldn't want to… intrude.”

He was already shaking his head before you even finished. “You're not leaving me. Please.”

The last word came out as a plea, his grip on your hand painfully tight. You looked at Steve again to see a small smile on his face as he shrugged.

“It's up to you.” He said.

You looked back at Bucky, seeing the fear in his eyes. Was it all at the prospect of you leaving? Maybe so. You had been right. Critical situations did bring people close in a way nothing else could.

“Okay.” You whispered, hearing Bucky let out a sigh of relief. “I'll come with you.”

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