#this is like when i was in middle and high school and the upperclassmen knew who i was and would talk to me i would literally be on cloud 9

[lellokitty]

katie you are so funny and cute and special to me 😌🩷✨️

willowser seeing this pop up in my notifs gave me so much surprise and adrenaline i started biting at my fingers and basically got up to walk around my enclosure and also not to be weird (about to say the weirdest thing ever) peed a little in excitement like a puppy (i didn’t actually do this one but yk i’m painting the picture). i actually had so much excitement that i had to eat a bag of chips to calm down. i will now add some photos to show how i felt abt seeing this:

dis r all me. wee wee whimsy glee joyful jumping

[moonbyulsstuff]

I just read dating headcanons with Jake Kim and Jihan Kwak, thank goodness someone requested it. I have the same request, could you write that dating headcanons with Hudson Ahn and James Lee or Diego Kang? Since these four guys are my fav characters. Thankyou!

Dating Headcanons: Hudson Ahn and Jamss Lee or Diego Kang (separate.)

GN Reader.

Requested.

Masterlist.

Request Rules.

Hudson Ahn:

Even though Hudson has never had past relationship due to being busy being apart of Ansan and just not thinking about being in a relationship.

But it all changed when he met you, it made him the desire to date someone. And that someone was you.

Even though it may not be clear to you but Hudson was very nervous, this being his first relationship ever.

And he would try his best to understand on whatever couple goes through.

Hudson would be calm, kinda of a nervous wreck boyfriend.

He's calm but that façade would break down in just a minute.

He's a very understanding and reasonable boyfriend. always thinking the meaning of the situation, before solving it.

So, he doesn't get jealous very easily, and I mean that.

Hudson knows you aren't the person to cheat on their partner, he doesn't have any doubt.

He trust you enough.

When it comes to your anniversary, Hudson is not really the type of person that makes a big deal out of anniversary.

But if it was a big deal for you, Hudson would gives you gifts and takes you out on a date to make the day special for you.

But if it wasn't then, the two of you would just watch a movie, cuddle around. Just content with each other.

I don't know why but I feel like Hudson would teach you on how to fight.

Teaching you some technique he learned from his mentor.

Wanting for you to fight and defend yourself in case he isn't by your side.

And he also want the others to know, not to mess with his partner.

If the two of ever got into an argument, Hudson is not the type of person to not shout.

He wouldn't scream at you at all.

If Husdon was the one fault, he would quickly realize his mistake and apologize for it.

Kneeling down on his knees muttering out apologies like a bird.

If you were the one fault, he would hug you and whisper sweet things to you until you calm down, giving you a few minutes before you would apologize to him.

If the two of you were at fault, then Hudson would the one to apologize first after a few minutes you were calming down.

His gang has a lot of respect for you, you were kind and make food for them and sometimes bandaged them after they got into a fight and got injured.

So you were kinda like a parent to them.

Just like with the others, Hudson has some insecurity about your relationship specifically, him being a gangster.

It's really dangerous considering he made some dangerous enemies, he doesn't want to endanger you at all.

But you knew of the cause and effects dating Hudson, but you were prepared for it.

So no matter how Hudson insist, you would always stay by his side. No matter what.

Diego Kang (James Lee):

You met James Lee back in middle school, you two weren't particularly close.

You knew him as the perfect student, who was good at everything he does.

He was quite a loner but he was popular, a lot of people were either jealous or had a crush on him.

And it's not like you didn't stood out, you did. Like, a lot.

You were a smart and beautiful student, so you stood out like a sore thumb.

So James noticed you a lot.

And also because you were an upperclassmen, so you were already much more popular than him.

So when you graduated and got into high school, it was shock that your old middle school closed down.

It was quite a shocker but as time goes, you completely forgot about it as you got recruited by PTJ.

You being busy with training but after your 1 year of being a trainee, you got a solo debut.

And oh boy, did you popularity grew the moment you debut.

Two years after your debut, another idol debut, who goes by the name as DG or Diego Kang.

You.. two got paired a lot.

Your manager made you guys have three songs together.

Wherever you are, Diego was there.

To the point where some the fans had started to ship you guys. (except for the toxic fans).

And it wasn't a surprise... well, it was a huge surprise when the media found out you two were dating.

There were a lot mixed reactions from the netizens but the two you didn't care.

And Diego would the cool, calm boyfriend.

He doesn't loose his temper a lot, and I mean a lot.

But he can come off as mean.

Diego is honest and isn't afraid to say the things he has on his mind.

But he can say things he doesn't mean to, or words he thinks doesn't matter much but it does hurt.

So Diego would apologize, he would hug you and let you cry out.

Even though it doesn't look like Diego is the type to get jealous easily.

He does.

He would get the person away from you by dragging you away or glaring at them until they get the messaged.

Just like with Hudson, whenever you two got into an argument. Diego would not raise his voice at you, but he will have a condescending tone, when talking to you which irritates you a lot.

When he was the one at fault, it would take so many hours for him to realize his mistake. Diego would apologize to you and gift you some flowers and your F/F.

If you were the at fault, Diego would wait knowing you need some time before you realize your mistake.

But if both of you are at fault, you would be the one to come out to apologize first and Diego following suit as he felt guilty for making you apologize first.

Diego likes to show you off, like a lot. Whenever he's in interview and the reporter asked some questions about you.

He has the tone of a happy boyfriend and basically ends up bragging you to the reporter and the rest of the audience.

If some reporter asked a disrespectful questions about you, he would get angry and insult the reporter in the most savage way possible that leaves the reporter stun as well as the audience.

Next thing you know, he's trending.

Diego is a very popular man, so he knows when someone is trying to seduce him.

He would insult then by saying "you're the Walmart version of [Name], so you're not worth my time."

They would leave with a red face from embarrassment,

Diego likes to spoil you a lot with gifts, even though both of you are rich and could probably just buy the items.

But you don't mind since it came from him.

You would always question on why he disappears all of sudden and he would say that his management asked him even though he's the CEO of PTJ.

And he has been getting a lot of phone call from this person named Eugene, Diego say it's a business partner which you believed.

Since Diego doesn't want you to find out what is going behind the scenes, his past, and especially that he was your underclassmen, the perfect underclassmen, James Lee.

[taivansupremacy]

written on my heart

Summary: Starting when you turn 12, anything that your soulmate draws on their skin will show up on yours. Robin has waited years to see what her soulmate will draw.

Word count: 2,345

A/N: ahh im so excited about this fic!! thank you to @thruheavenandhighwater for all her help/beta reading. i tried something new towards the end and wrote the reader in 3rd person since this is from robin's pov. as usual, likes, reblogs, and feedback is always appreciated!

CW: questioning sexuality, brief implication of homophobia

1980: 12 years old

On the morning of her twelfth birthday, Robin leapt out of bed and immediately ran to her bathroom to stare at her body in the mirror, searching for any sign of words or doodles sprawled across her skin. She rolled up both of her sleeves and put her foot on the bathroom counter to get a closer look at her legs. When it was clear that nothing was there, she huffed in disappointment, rolled down her sleeves and made her way downstairs for breakfast with a small frown. 

Her mom was in the kitchen flipping her yearly birthday pancakes when Robin sunk into a seat at the kitchen table, only slightly sulking. Mrs. Buckley placed a plate stacked high with pancakes and topped with whipped cream and birthday sprinkles in front of her with a kiss on top of her sandy blonde head and a whispered happy birthday. 

“What��s got you so down?” Mrs. Buckley asked upon noticing her daughter’s dejected nature, “It’s your twelfth birthday! You’re supposed to be excited.” 

“Not when your soulmate hasn’t written anything on your skin yet,” She grumbled as she shoveled a bite of pancake into her mouth, “I thought it was supposed to show up when you turned twelve!” 

Mrs. Buckley chuckled as she sat down beside Robin with her own plate, “Be patient. I’m sure he’ll draw something soon.” She reassured with a smile, “Don’t worry too much about the soulmate stuff. It’ll come when it comes.” 

Robin tried to follow her mother’s advice, but she found herself checking the back of her hands, glancing down at her legs, and rolling up her sleeves at school all day, getting more and more disappointed when she found bare skin. By the end of the school day, she was starting to think that she didn’t have a soulmate, but she still checked for drawings anyway. 

By the time her mother called her for dinner, she had given up on looking. When she went to wash her hands in the kitchen sink, she spotted a little heart drawn in purple ink on the back of her left palm. She squealed excitedly and turned the water off to examine it. She softly traced the shape with her index finger, relieved that she had a soulmate after all. 

She couldn’t help but think that it was weird that her soulmate drew a heart on himself. None of the boys that she knew from school would be caught dead with a tiny purple heart adorning their skin, but she decided not to think too much about it. Maybe her soulmate wasn’t from Hawkins or maybe he was just sweeter than the boys she knew at school.

She thought about showing her purple heart to her parents, but she decided to keep it to herself for a little while longer. Instead, she grabbed a black pen from a drawer in the kitchen and doodled a heart similar in size right beside the one her soulmate drew, just to let him know she was there. 

****

1982: 14 years old 

Robin awoke with a start when the sound of her alarm clock rang in her ears. It was her first day of high school, the day she’d been dreading for the entire two months of summer. Robin knew that she’d be spending the majority of her first day Hawkins High School alone due to her lack of friends in middle school that would follow her to high school. She was afraid that she’d get made fun of for sitting alone at lunch or not having anyone to partner with for the beginning of the year project sign ups. She was nervous that the teachers would be as mean as her 8th grade teachers said they’d be and scared of the upperclassmen and how they usually treated freshmen. 

She sat up in bed, her stomach already upset due to the anxiety that’s been looming over her for two weeks. She knew her mother would never let her get out of her first day of high school, but she thought of bringing up her stomachache anyway, in hopes that maybe she would take pity on her. She felt queasy as she crossed the room and threw open her closet to choose an outfit for the day. Just as she raised her hand to grab her lucky jacket, she saw words scrawled on the back of her hand. She froze for a minute to read them. 

The words “good luck today!” with smiley faces and hearts decorating the skin around the phrase could be seen on the back of Robin’s hand. It was a simple gesture, but one that made warmth rise to Robin’s chest, nonetheless. She often woke up to little doodles that made her laugh or encouraging words neatly written in different colors from her soulmate. Robin often wrote back with her own drawings or words of affirmation. The notes on her skin made her feel like she had someone in her corner, although she didn’t have any friends at school. 

She always tried to picture what her soulmate looked like and tried to catch a glimpse of the hands of all of the boys in school as she walked by them in the hall or sat beside them in class, just to see if they had doodles that matched her’s on the back of their hands. Every time she looked, though, she silently prayed that she didn’t find a match. She didn’t have a reason for not wanting any of the boys from school to be her soulmate. It’s just that when she imagined dating them, it felt wrong. 

She thought it was nice to have a break from searching for her soulmate and thinking about why it made her queasy to imagine herself with any of her male classmates. She’d be faced with those feelings again today when she saw her peers. 

“Robin!” Mrs. Buckley’s voice startled Robin from her thoughts, “I hope you’re dressed! You’re going to be late!” 

Sighing, Robin fondly glanced at the back of her hand one more time before turning back to her closet and getting ready for the day. She was still nervous for the day ahead of her, but her soulmate’s note on her hand, her good luck charm, put her a little more ease. 

****

1984: 16 years old 

Robin stared down at her hand, giggling lightly as she watched the little doodles and drawings appear on her skin. She still got that warm feeling every time she got a note from her soulmate, but so much had changed since she first saw that little purple heart on the back of her hand. She stopped looking at the boys in the hallway when she realized that she had a crush on Tammy Thompson from her history class. She finally understood why she could would silently hope that none of the boys at Hawkins High would have matching doodles on the back of their hands. She wanted her soulmate to be a girl and that terrified her. Partly because she knew how the people of Hawkins, Indiana treated people who were different, but also because she had no idea if her soulmate was a boy or a girl. 

She had become close to her English teacher, Mr. Hauser, and regularly ate lunch in his classroom to avoid the prying eyes of her peers when she ate in the library alone, but also because Mr. Hauser was like her. She came out to him not long ago, during one of their daily lunches. She knew he would keep her secret and that he could relate to her and maybe even help her through her worries. 

“What’s she saying today?” Hauser asked, amused. 

Robin scoffed and rolled her eyes, tearing her gaze away from her doodle-covered hand, “We don’t even know if my soulmate’s a girl.” Just saying those words  made a knot form in her stomach. 

Hauser tutted, “Of course she is.” 

“Why, because I’m a lesbian?” She shook her head, “The universe doesn’t exactly work that way. The universe gets it wrong sometimes, you know.” 

“That doesn’t happen often, Robin.” 

“Yeah, but I would be the one in a million that has it happen to her.” 

Mr. Hauser didn’t believe that for a second. He saw the way Robin smiled when she looked down at her hand on the desk and how she giggled when a new doodle would pop up on her skin. He knew the universe hadn’t gotten it wrong, but how could he prove it to her? Better yet, how could her soulmate prove it to her?

“You should draw something back,” He suggested with a shrug, “Maybe a little doodle of yourself.” 

Robin gave him a look, one that told him that she knew what he was trying to do. She had to admit, the idea of it intrigued her, so she relented, grabbing a pen from inside her backpack. She drew a quick, sloppy sketch of herself (it was more of a stick figure, if she was honest with herself), complete with her short hair and bangs and an arrow pointing to it with the word “me!” written at the end of it with a smiley face. 

Her heart pounded against her ribcage as she waited for her soulmate to respond, hopefully with a picture of themself. She chewed on her lip as she looked away from her hand and shifted her gaze to her teacher. 

“What do I do if it’s a boy?” She asked, panicked, “You know what, I don’t even think that I want to know anymore! I could just not look for the rest of the day, right?” Her hands flew in the air as she spoke, as they usually did when she rambled, “I could just wait until the pen washes off of their hand o-or wear gloves for the rest of the day and-” 

“Robin!” Mr. Hauser interrupted when he caught a glimpse of a new drawing on her hand, “You got a response.” 

She squeezed her eyes shut as she turned her hand over so she could see the new drawing that marked her skin. When she gained the courage to open them, she saw a stick figure, similar to the one she drew, drawn in blue ink. The stick person had long hair, wore a triangle dress, and joined one hand with the hand on Robin’s stick person. A swirly arrow pointed to the newly drawn figure and the word “Me” with a heart drawn beside it sat above it. 

Robin was taken aback. Her soulmate was a girl! This knowledge made her fall even more in love with the person that the person that was on the other end of the doodles and encouraging notes. Wordlessly, she turned her hand toward her teacher so he could examine the drawing. A proud smile crept on to his face upon seeing the stick figure. 

“Told you,” Was all he said and it made Robin giggle. 

She was even more excited to meet her soulmate now than she was when she was twelve and she saw that little purple heart. 

****

1986: 18 years old 

“No, you dingus, the rom-coms are in alphabetical order by title, not the name of the director!” Robin groaned, “When have we ever organized movies by directors’ names?” 

“Well Kieth said-” Steve started, but was interrupted by the bell over the door in the front, signalling a customer’s arrival. 

“You fix these and put them in the right order,” She huffed, “I’ll deal with whoever this is.”

Robin hated dealing with customers, but she was even less fond of fixing Steve’s shelving mistakes. 

She made her way over to the counter and  stood behind it, ready to type a name into the computer, “Hi, welcome to Family Video! Can I help you fi-”     

She faltered when she got a glimpse of the customer in front of her. She was beautiful, breathtakingly so. Robin’s mouth went dry at the sight of her and she forgot how to speak for a second. She willed herself to finish her sentence, but to no avail. 

The girl stepped forward and leaned on the counter in front of her, “Hi!” She chirped, “I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of The Breakfast Club?” She asked sweetly with a bubbly smile. 

“Y-yeah,” Robin stuttered, walking towards the rom-com section without warning and hoping the girl would know to follow her. 

The movie started with the second letter in the alphabet, so Steve had already put it in it’s correct space. She stopped in front of the rom com shelf and scanned it for a split second before finding it. Robin reached up to get it, her jacket sleeve slipping down to expose the hand and wrist that was marked up with doodles of hearts, stars, flowers, and stick figures. 

“Wait!” The girl yelled, making Robin jump out of her skin. 

Robin froze, lowering her hand and turning to face the girl behind her. 

“Sorry, I just- Can I see your hand for a second?” 

The blonde nodded, holding her marked up hand out to the girl. She examined the drawings and pushed Robin’s sleeve up so she could get a good look at the flower that was drawn on her wrist. 

“It’s you,” She whispered, dropping her hand to show Robin her own. The same hearts, stars, flowers and stick figures were peppered on the back of her hand in the exact same places and an identical flower appeared on her wrist. Robin stepped forward and held her wrist in her hands, gingerly running her thumb over the flower that she drew there only hours prior. 

“It’s you,” The blonde repeated, beaming at her soulmate in front of her, “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to meet you?” 

“Since that first purple heart,” The girl chuckled, stepping impossibly closer and pulling Robin flush against her by her hideous green Family Video vest, swiftly connecting their lips in one fluid motion. 

[redheadloverr]

High school AU

gn!reader x xiao

contents; strangers to friends to lovers, age gap, mentions of bullying.

a bit late but in honor of xiao’s bday here this is :)

You were never a quiet kid but you also weren’t the loudest in the class. you were a good neutral, talked when you needed to, didn’t speak if it wasn’t necessary. it was very unusual for you to seek people out or even have an interest in anyone. People noticed you gazing at the upperclassman Xiao, they thought you were going insane or something. of all upperclassmen, you chose Xiao. Xiao was known around campus as the grumpy emo loner, to think you of all students would have a crush on him. now that, that’s a bizarre pair. You didn’t mind, however. if anything, it was comforting. he was like you, the younger you that you’ve been able to hide so well. you wanted to get to know him more, get to know his story more. you guys only had a class together and it was almost impossible to figure out where he hides out during lunch. but you were determined to figure out who he really is, figure out if you two can be friends.

You went to all the basic loner hideouts, library, favorite teacher classroom, outside corners that only a couple students know of, the bleachers, everywhere. you even thought about going to the bathroom to look for him, thankfully the bell rang before you could actually work the courage to walk into the bathroom. Your next class was the only class you had with Xiao, so it was almost perfect timing. it was band, the weirdest yet most comforting class for a loner. Middle school you would be ecstatic to be in band but now, even though you enjoy it, it’s not giving you a good look. You were thankful you had it though, it’s bringing you closer to xiao. Thankfully, you two were in the same section. he still didnt talk much even in band which was odd to you but it still oddly made sense to you. Since Xiao is an upperclassmen, you decided you would try to ask him for some help as a way to get him to talk to you. From there you’d try your best to bring up other topics you think he knew about or that others have spread rumors about him liking.

“Hi, sorry to bother you but i have a question over this note and how to play it correctly, do you think you can help me?” You felt dumb for the way you phrased you’re question but it got Xiao’s attention. He didn’t give you a reply back though, he simply nodded and walked to your instrument with you. He looked over your music sheet and finally spoke. “Ah, we have the same note here. Its played like this” he says before going to his own instrument to show you how its done. You knew how to play the note already but hearing him talk finally and seeing him play his instrument was like a hidden secret in a game you didn't know was there. You're so glad you’re able to see this, see him, hear his voice after you’ve had such a crush on him for a long time. “How about you try it now? Hearing you play it might help me estimate how to help you.” His words took you out of your trance, it gave you an idea though. If you played well enough maybe he’d have his eye on you, So you did just that, you played to the best of your ability in hopes that he’d be surprised by you or maybe decide you need more work and take you under his wing. “That was good, still needs some work but for a first year it isn't bad. I think the other upperclassmen in our section have other students their teaching so i guess you’ll be stuck with me for a bit. I hope you don’t mind that.” “OF COURSE NOT!” you said it so instantly you had to slap your mouth shut. You thought Xiao would think of you as a weirdo, or a moron, but he laughed. He actually, genuinely, laughed. You made him laugh. You couldn't believe it, you may even be the first to hear his laugh. “You’re a strange one, I'm not one to speak to others at school but maybe you're be an exception.” Before you could even reply to him, the bell rings and he leaves you to pack his stuff. “W-wait, Xiao” you rush to him hoping for even a sliver of his attention. he doesn't respond but he turns to you as he continues packing, “So do you want to meet up after school or how exactly are you going to help me with the music?” he again doesn't say anything but he looks at you then pulls out a pen and paper from his backpack. “Here, my number. I’ll text you when I'm free, just make sure to text me first so I can save your number.” The bell rings, a warning that you have another two minutes to run to your class. “You should probably get running, wouldn't want to be the reason you're late to class haha. Good luck freshy, see you next class.” He waves to you as he walks out of the band room and off campus. God your crush for him just grew ten times. You had two other classes to get to and then you could send him a text. You couldn’t stop thinking about your interaction with him for the rest of the school day however. You couldn’t wait to get out of classes and text him.

After school, you ran to meet up with your best friend and tell her all about what happened. “GANYU! GANYU! YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPEEND” you came up to her panting as she looked at you worried. “What happened Y/N? Why are you running? Calm down before you speak” Ganyu was a year older than you but you two have been friends since middle school, she was the only person who would talk to you when everyone else would pick on you for being the class loner. She’s the sweetest person you know and better yet she knows Xiao. Apparently, her and Xiao kinda grew up together and she speaks very highly of him, though they’ve grown apart, they both look after each other. “I TALKED TO XIAO. HE GAVE ME HIS NUMBER, HE TOLD ME TO TEXT HIM. C’MON GANYU WE GOTTA GO I GOTTA TEXT HIM” before she could even reply you grabbed her hand and started dragging her along with you. You’re home wasn’t far from the school so you two arrived there pretty quickly. You two quickly ran to your room closing the door behind you. “What do i say to him? do i just say hi this is Y/N from band let me know when you’re free so we can practice? is that too lengthy?” “Wait, he’s helping you with band practice?” Ganyu stares at you. “Yeah, he said he’d text me when he’s free but since he doesn’t have my number i should send him a text first.” you explain to ganyu. “I see, hmm maybe just say ‘hey it’s Y/N just texting you so you know who it is’ and maybe put a smiley face or something” she nudges you. “Stop it Ganyu you know i can’t do that, but maybe i’ll send it without the smiley face haha.” and you do just that, you send a text saying ‘Hello this is Y/N, text me when you’re free for our band practices, thank you.’ and show ganyu the text “Here let me see it real quick Y/N” you hand ganyu the phone and instantly regret it. She sent the smiley face… she sent the dang smiley face. it was over. she sent it, there was no going back. to your surprise, he responded almost instantly. since the two of you were playing games, Ganyu saw he texted you. “Uh Y/N, Xiao texted back.” you look at her. “He what?” You quickly rush to your phone almost dropping it out of your hands. you read it out loud for ganyu. “Hey, i might be free tomorrow after school if you want to practice. let me know.” “GANYU, WHAT DO I SAY” ganyu quickly places her hand on your shoulder. “Calm down, just say you’re free and set up a time with him.” You do as ganyu suggest and you both agree on meeting up at 5pm. Ganyu leaves shortly after and you’re left alone to think of what just happened. you had managed to not only talk to your crush but also text your crush and plan a practice with him. you were so excited for tomorrow.

You could barely sleep last night but you managed to get a bit of shut eye, you walked halfway to school to meet up to ganyu. though ganyu was waiting for you, so was xiao. “Hey, Y/N! sorry for such short notice but Xiao’s joining us on our walk today. he woke up a bit later than usual and i caught him just in time.” she winked at you. “I see, hi xiao, i’m glad you’ll be joining us haha..” you were a bit awkward but you managed to keep your cool. “hey, sorry to intrude on your walk haha” “no worries!” you quickly say to him. “okay cmon guys let’s go!” ganyu says dragging both of you with her. Ganyu was so energetic it almost hurt, you could see xiao smile a bit out of the corner of your eyes. it made you really happy seeing him smile. The three of you made casual convo on your way to school, ganyu and you did most of the talking but ganyu brought up a lot of childhood memories she had with xiao. she even brought up how she was struggling to hang out with both of you during middle school. you two laughed and joked and you could see xiao getting a little laugh out of your conversations as well. sadly, you guys were at the school gate within minutes. “Well, my classes are this way so i’ll catch you guys later” Ganyu says and quickly rushes to her class. “Which way are you going?” Xiao asks. “This way, i have english first class.” “I’ll walk you there.” Xiao says almost instantly and begins to walk ahead of you. You were a little stunned by his response, Xiao. a upperclassmen. walking you. “Wait, Xiao” you say almost regretting what you’re about to say. he stops and looks back at you with a confused face. “Maybe we shouldn’t walk together, not that i don’t want to! i really would but wouldn’t it look weird for an uperclassmen to walk an underclassmen to their class? especially if they aren’t like… dating or something like that?” you gulp, hoping he’ll confess to you or something but knowing he wouldn’t. “I don’t mind, i’m just walking a friend to class, nothing wrong with it. as long as you don’t mind, i just want to make sure you get there safely.” you feel a little disappointed after hearing that but you just agree for him to walk you. After you make it to your class, Xiao sticks around and talks to you until the bell rings. you two actually spoke a lot and found out you two had a lot of similar interests. you walked into class after he left feeling happy. you still had after school practice with him too. for the next week you repeated this cycle, you walked to school regularly with xiao and ganyu. xiao contributed more to the conversations, you two hung out alone more outside of practice, you two even went out with ganyu to lunch after school. everything was great, you were happy to have xiao as a friend even if that was all you two could ever be.

Time passed and your feelings for him developed even more. you were starting to wonder if you could really go on just being his friend. you asked ganyu about it, asked if you should confess or just keep it in. of course, ganyu said you should confess, she said xiao even looked interested in you. so you went for it. you asked xiao to meet you after school saying ganyu would be there but ganyu wasn’t. you two met outside your favorite after school dinner, you waited there anxiously until you saw xiao come up. “Hey, Y/N. is ganyu still on the way?” “Hey xiao. uhm i actually have something to tell you. can we talk over there?” you pointed at a nearby parks swing set. he nods and you two walk there. “So, what did you want to talk about?” Xiao asks as soon as you two get on the swings. he started swinging a little so it seemed like he was extremely uninterested. “Xiao. i like you. I’ve liked you for a while now. I asked for help and after school practice just to get closer to you. I thought it would be fine to just be friends with you but i can’t. i’m sorry, i know you might not see me that way but-“ he cut you off. “Y/N. i like you too. i’ve also liked you for a bit, maybe not as long as you’ve liked me but still. i’ve liked you even before you came up to me, i just never had the courage to talk to you. I like you a lot, Y/N. you beat me to confessing. I was planning on confessing to you tomorrow after school but here we are.” you blush and giggle at him, “really? you were going to confess tomorrow?” “Yeah, me and ganyu were talking about it and had a couple things planned haha. I was going to ask you to be my significant other.” you gasped a little under your breathe. “So, will you be my s/o, Y/N?” he asks. “Yes, a thousand times yes!!” he chuckles and gets up to hug you. you two spend a bit more time talking at the park before he starts walking you home. it was dark already so he didn’t want to let you go alone. “I should probably let you go now, i’ll see you tomorrow before school,okay?” you nod as xiao let’s go of your hand. “I’ll text you when i get home, bye, Y/N” you say bye and wave xiao off, quickly going inside and texting ganyu about everything that happens. once xiao gets home, he texts you and you two go back and fourth before he asks if you two could call. he ends up falling asleep on call and you end up hanging up so his phone doesn’t blow up haha. you had a blast today, and you couldn’t wait to see him again tomorrow.

The next few weeks seemed like heaven, Xiao was the sweetest boyfriend ever. he was very caring and generous, he worried for your safety, health, comfort and so much more. nothing much changed around ganyu though, you two weren’t too couple like around her, you two just remained being her best friend. it was nice, it was really nice to see Xiao lighten up a little. of course, people judged you two a bit, and asked why you would even like someone like xiao but you didn’t care. you were the happiest with xiao and ganyu’s undivided support was amazing. you enjoyed being with xiao and not having to choose between your best friend and boyfriend.

A/N i know this is a bit lengthy i’m sorry about that, this is kind of all over the place as well, i’ve had writers block for so long as well as school and what not consuming all my time but i hope you enjoyed this! also xiao is meant to be a junior, ganyu a sophomore, and reader a freshman!

[frozenmikan]

Aoyama Nagisa's Life Until She Became a Voice Actress for Love Live! Superstar!!

Header image provided by Young Jump Weekly. Photography: Sato Yuichi

In her first ever essay, Aoyama Nagisa, a voice actress from the Love Live! Superstar!! franchise, details the path she has taken to get to where she currently is from the very beginning.

A photo from a ballet recital during early elementary school. Taking a closer look, you can see that my front teeth are missing since I was in the midst of growing adult teeth.

Aoyama Nagisa, known for her role as Hazuki Ren in Love Live! Superstar!!, is a voice actress with many young fans. Besides working as a voice actress, her work ranges from serving as the “Imadoki Girl” on the TV program Mesazhi Television to appearing in magazine gravure photoshoots with the tagline “Voice Actress Most Wanted as a Girlfriend”.

Even as she devoted most of her early years to ballet, she joined a band in middle school in blatant defiance of her teacher’s wishes. Today, we bring you an autobiographical essay detailing her unexpected route to becoming a voice actress for the Love Live! franchise.

A mother sends her daughter to ballet class upon seeing her dance to Love Machine

When people meet me for the first time, there’s a high probability that they’ll compliment me for my good posture. I spent thirteen years learning classical ballet, so it actually feels more natural for me to be sitting perfectly upright. In fact, it’s to the point where people constantly tell me to relax, that I don’t have to be so tense when talking to them.

Now that I think about it, I remember my teachers saying something like “There’s no need to be so nervous” almost every single time I attended a parent-teacher meeting. I wasn’t actually nervous at all, so I got accustomed to responding with, “This is just how I naturally sit”. It’s been eight years since I quit ballet in my first year of high school, so I’m really glad that I’m still being complimented for my posture.

I started ballet because of my mother. When I was two, she saw me singing and dancing to the rhythm of Love Machine by Morning Musume on the living room table. Apparently, that’s when it struck her that I might have a talent for dancing.

Apparently, she played music from all kinds of different genres to find out whether I had a good sense of rhythm and a natural affinity for dancing. When I learned about this incident, I could not help myself from thinking that parents can be quite scary… By the way, I have an older brother, but he’s terrible at dancing, so he didn’t pass my mother’s dance audition.

My mother also started dancing from a young age, though it was something other than ballet. But, she thought nothing could beat the expressiveness of an experienced ballet dancer, so she decided she’d make her daughter learn ballet if she gave birth to one.

Thankfully, I was the kind of girl to break out into song and dance every time I heard music playing, so I attended ballet school according to my mother’s wishes. The expressiveness I developed from my years of ballet still helps me in my work to this day, so I have nothing but gratitude towards her for introducing me to ballet.

In both elementary and middle school, I had to attend ballet classes right after class. The ballet school I attended was very strict, and some girls broke into tears while practicing. Obviously, we barely ever got praised for our performance there. Because of that, even now, I’m still not accustomed to receiving praise or hearing words that make me happy, so I tend to react rather unnaturally when it does happen.

A photo from my school's cultural festival during my third year of high school, in my club outfit together with my friends.

A transition from ballet to volleyball, which she hated

Because I grew up thinking that being in a tough environment was a given, I joined the girls volleyball club in high school, which was famous for being the toughest club there.

I knew several upperclassmen who ended up at the same high school, and when I told them that I’d be joining the volleyball club, every single one of them told me to reconsider. Not a single one of them told me it was a good idea, and that actually made me all the more curious to find out what kind of club it was.

I wanted to join the volleyball club precisely because I hated the sport! Receiving made my arms hurt and would sometimes even give me scabs, and volleyball was the one sport that I felt like I was bad at during gym classes, so I wanted to overcome that. I myself have no idea what I was thinking. Not even now.

That incomprehensible line of reasoning gave me the idea of joining the volleyball club, but there was actually another incident that cemented my decision.

On the day of my high school entrance exams, just as I was nervously walking towards the examination venue, a current student called out to me and asked, “Are you okay? Just nervous? Don’t worry, you’ll be fine!” It was as if a kind goddess had just spoken to me, which immediately filled my heart with warmth.

It turned out she was an upperclassman from the girls volleyball club, and she had been tasked with guiding candidates to their examination venues. The way she handled the situation was so incredible that it made me decide to join the volleyball club so I could become just like her.

Besides just playing volleyball, the girls volleyball club at my school was a club that expected its members to not fall behind on their studies while also proactively taking part in the school’s activities, such as organizing tours for potential students and patrolling the school during our cultural festivals. That was precisely why all of my upperclassmen told me without hesitation to quit the volleyball club if I wanted to enjoy my life in high school.

As I expected, it was really tough and there were indeed people who quit, but I felt like a tough environment like that actually suited me better.

Having loved singing from a young age, I went for karaoke sessions with my family.

Joining a band to spite her middle school teacher?!

This happened a little earlier, but during the new year break in my first year of middle school, I heard the song Kimishidai Ressha by ONE OK ROCK for the first time. That song got me completely hooked on rock music, and I joined my school’s rock band club as a guitarist and sub-vocalist.

I was still doing classical ballet at that time. Just imagine it. A middle-school girl in her school uniform, a guitar case on her back, and her hair up in a bun for ballet. Quite the sight, isn’t it?

I was also right in the midst of my rebellious phase back then. I was trying to recall what made me decide to join a band, and I happened to hear something interesting from one of my relatives. Apparently, I had even written about it in my graduation essay.

The middle school I went to was rather strict and strongly emphasized traditional values. I had a teacher there who didn’t have a good impression of band activities.

At that time, I was also the class president, so this teacher of mine constantly mentioned their high hopes for me and praised me for being an upstanding student. I started wondering why I was the only one being told that despite everyone else also doing their best. That incident made me feel very strongly about how my teachers really ought to treat every student fairly.

Of course, I was glad that they had high hopes for me, but as someone who has had a strong sense of justice ever since I was a child, I could never ignore what I perceived as injustice.

The very teacher who had high hopes for me mentioned something about how they thought a rock band wasn’t appropriate for the school’s image, which made me decide to join the band just to spite them. I decided that it was my duty to change their impression of the club, to show them that there was nothing wrong with it.

I even wrote about the incident in my graduation essay. Reading it now, it was so edgy that it’s actually quite funny. I’m really surprised that it got approved.

Although I do think it’s a good trait, every once in a while, my strong sense of justice would bring me into conflict with the people around me. For example, I never tolerated bullying, no matter the reason.

When I was in middle school, I became the target of a group of bullies after defending a friend from their bullying. Because of that, there was a period of time when I was so frustrated with the situation that I just curled up in bed crying, not wanting to go to school. But, because I knew full well that breaking into tears at school or in turn saying bad things about them was precisely what the bullies wanted me to do, I pretended to be fine no matter what they said to me.

Me when I was a child, feeling happy after eating ramen.

An unforgettable phrase from a friend that quit school because of bullying

Perhaps because my bullies got bored of me not reacting at all no matter what they said, they eventually stopped. Most of my classmates just pretended not to notice the situation, for fear of becoming their next target.

I can put up with it when people are giving me a hard time, but the one thing I cannot stay quiet about is when someone else is being given a hard time. When I see someone in need of help, I would confront the group of bullies alone, telling them to knock it off.

Around that time, a friend of mine, who always said “I’m fine” with a smile no matter how much she got bullied and how many unreasonable things happened to her at school, decided to quit suddenly. She told everyone around her that she was quitting because of something that was completely unrelated, but every once in a while, the sadness at not being able to do anything for her still gnaws at me.

What was on her mind when she said “thank you” to me, when I last met her? I will never forget the times when she forced a smile onto her face as she talked to me.

To write this essay, I asked my mother for stories from when I was younger. Apparently, a similar thing also happened in elementary school. I had a friend with a disability, which got them into conflict with my classmates quite often. Let’s just say that my other classmates did not take very kindly to them.

I don’t remember what I did back then, but apparently, my homeroom teacher told my mother something like “I’m very grateful to Nagisa-chan, who’s always on their side.”

Besides that, when I saw my grandfather blow up at my brother for not finishing his homework quickly enough, I went up to my grandfather and started hitting him, saying, “Don’t bully my older brother!” I was three at that time. By the way, I was the only person in the family ever to hit my grandfather like that. At that time, my grandfather was what you would call the supreme head of the family, so even all my relatives were speechless. They were like, “What on earth is this kid doing?”

Apparently, seeing what I did also emboldened my mother. “If even a three-year-old kid thought the situation didn’t make sense, I have to do something too. I need to get it together.”

Because of my personality, I’ve definitely had to spend a lot more effort than necessary to maintain my interpersonal relationships. But, because of my personality, I also naturally became surrounded only by people with kind hearts. I will forever pray for nothing but happiness for the people who truly care for me.

Image provided by Young Jump Weekly. Photography: Kuriyama Shusaku

Header image provided by Young Jump Weekly. Photography: Sato Yuichi

This is an essay penned by Aoyama Nagisa, best known for voicing Hazuki Ren from Love Live! Superstar!!. In the first half of her essay, she talked about spending most of her childhood learning ballet, and how she fought against bullying when she was a student. In this second half, she talks about the setback she faced after enrolling at a university with the goal of resolving problems in conflict zones, her beauty pageant days, and how she became a voice actress for the Love Live! franchise.

A selfie from when I was in university.

A privileged child’s encounter with reports of war

I was given the opportunity to attend classes for the things I liked from a young age, and was brought to visit any place I wanted to visit, so I am well aware that I grew up in a privileged environment.

Due to my father’s influence, I developed a habit of watching the news on NHK almost every day, ever since I was in elementary school. News about conflicts would particularly hurt me. I constantly thought about the people who were born into war, people who knew nothing but war. How would they live after the war eventually ended?

Watching news stories and documentaries about children who lost their parents and, because they are left without anyone to support them, fall into a life of crime made me wonder whether there was anything I could do for them. In middle school, I started thinking about working in a job that would help protect the human rights of the people in active conflict zones.

I then found out that the place to learn about the field was the Faculty of Policy Studies at Chuo University, so, in my third year of middle school, I decided that I’d work towards enrolling in Chuo University.

When I was in high school, I had the chance to read the book Disarmament is My Job by Seya Rumiko, which left a strong impact on me. The book made me realize that peace wasn’t a natural consequence of the end of the conflict and that the sadness and hatred of the people involuntarily involved in the conflict do not just vanish without a trace once the conflict ends. Collecting weapons from the populace to prevent a conflict from happening again, giving vocational training to former soldiers who knew only how to fight, and teaching them how to live, was a process known as “disarmament”.

I became convinced that this was what I wanted to do in life, so I started to research what I needed to learn in university to achieve my goal.

I found out about a political scientist, Prof. Mekata Motoko, who conducted lectures on international cooperation at the Faculty of Policy Studies at Chuo University. I came to the conclusion that if I managed to enter Chuo University, I’d definitely take her classes because it would lead me towards my goal. Before enrolling at Chuo University, I attended trial seminars conducted by Prof. Mekata, and the thought of joining her research group after enrolling and spreading my wings overseas filled my heart with anticipation.

After I managed to successfully enroll in the Department of Cross-Cultural Studies at the Faculty of Policy Studies, I immediately started searching for an upperclassman in Prof. Mekata’s research group to find out what I should do to join her research group. I went to see my upperclassman, eyes sparkling with anticipation for taking the first step towards my new life, with a face full of hope and a spring in my step. But, that was when I was told the shocking truth.

“Oh, apparently Prof. is going overseas next year, so her classes won’t be offered.”

What…? Indeed, that was the bell signaling the end of my life.

Me performing The Last Night of the World in the musical Miss Saigon during a university festival.

What kind of expression does one have on their face upon realizing that their hopes and dreams have shattered into pieces?

Students could join Prof. Mekata’s research group starting from their second year in university. But, just when I was supposed to start my second year, she’d be going overseas.

I was devastated. My future was pitch black. I enrolled at Chuo University because I wanted to join Prof. Mekata’s research group, but she wouldn’t be here?! You might wonder if something like that could really happen to a person, but it really happened to me. I had prepared myself to study hard in university and immediately head overseas to contribute to the field of vocational training after graduating, but my dreams were shattered the moment I stepped foot into university.

Now, what was I to do?

Though I wasn’t completely sure, I had heard that she’d only be away for a year. Some of my coursemates already mentioned that if Prof. Mekata would be returning after a year, they’d take a leave of absence for a year just so they could join her research group. What should I do? Taking a leave of absence… That would work… Right? But that’d trouble my parents. I decided to give up thinking about the research group. The moment my dreams vanished before my eyes was not one of sadness or disappointment, but one of determination.

Because of that single event, the direction of my life changed completely. I wanted to find something that I could completely immerse myself in during my days at university, so I decided to join the musical and acapella clubs without too much thought. I got into musicals after performing in The Sound of Music at the cultural festival during my last year in high school. That got me completely hooked, and during university, I’d sometimes watch a musical every week.

Also, when I was in high school, I frequently looked forward to singing, harmonizing, and playing the guitar together with my friends on the school roof. That made me think that the acapella club would be a good fit for me, and I decided to join.

I found that I enjoyed myself and derived a greater sense of satisfaction the more I improved in both activities. So, I practiced almost every day. I soon got accustomed to that pace of life and started wanting to aim even higher. However, in every club, there’s usually quite a distinct split between those who took club activities seriously and those who prioritized having fun. I was in the former group.

I knew that I couldn’t force anyone to come along with me given that it wasn’t their job to participate in club activities. So, to make it to the environment I desired to be in, I knew I had to take myself to an even higher level. That was when I decided to aim to become a professional.

Me wearing a wedding dress for the prize-giving ceremony of the beauty pageant I took part in.

Throwing the envelope containing job fair pamphlets her mother prepared at the door

When I was still learning ballet, I made it through the auditions for the well-known Tanimomoko Ballet Company and had the chance to perform at the Tokyo Bunka Kaikan.

It was my first time in such a large venue, with lights so bright that I could barely keep my eyes open, music performed by a live orchestra, and cheers and applause louder than I could ever imagine. That moment left such a strong impression on me that I still remember it vividly, even now. I could never forget how amazing the view from the stage looked, and I’m sure some part deep within me longed to return to the grandeur of the stage.

With my future path set, I decided to challenge myself to take part in a beauty pageant near the end of my second year of university. There’s a stereotype that beauty pageant participants all want to become news announcers, but I constantly emphasized my desire to become someone who sang and danced on stage for a living instead.

During the beauty pageant, I conducted livestreams at seven in the morning every single day of the week and put all my effort into maintaining my social media presence. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that I spent all twenty-four hours of my days on it. In the end, I was crowned the runner-up. I didn’t manage to win the beauty pageant, but I was sure that the experience I gained there would definitely be useful for my future activities.

I knew that the path leading towards my goal would be full of challenges, but I continued doing my best even after the beauty pageant ended. Because I was treading on an uncertain path while all my friends were in the midst of job-hunting, my parents constantly fretted about my future.

One day, I found an envelope containing information about a job fair on the living room table when I got home. I thought that was of no use to me, so I threw it out without even taking a look. A few days later, my mother once again tried to offer me brochures for a different job fair, but I told her I didn’t need them, not even bothering to read them.

A few days after that, I found another similar envelope on my desk. When I saw that, I threw it at my door, saying, “I don’t need this!”. Why aren’t you supporting me, even though I’m taking this so seriously? Aren’t you supposed to be the ones who know that the best?

I was so frustrated that I broke into tears. I knew full well that my parents were just concerned and completely understood that they were suggesting that I take a different path because they didn’t want me to lead a difficult life. Even so, I didn’t want to give up and continued with my singing and dancing lessons with the determination to take hold of my dreams.

Messages I received from my relatives during the last day of Liella!'s first live tour. Next to me is my cousin, who is a huge Love Live! fan.

The first-ever Love Live! open auditions

Around that time, I received a message from my cousin that read, “Love Live! is having an open audition! Wanna go for it?”. My cousin is a big Love Live! fan, and thanks to her telling me things like, “Go watch the anime!”, “This song is super good so go listen!”, and “Yazawa-senpai is the best!!” I too became a Love Live! fan. A role in the Love Live! series would have everything I wanted to do: singing, dancing, and acting.

When I found out that Love Live! was holding its first-ever open audition, I immediately decided to apply. After making it through the many rounds, which included singing, dancing, acting, and self-introduction rounds, I somehow managed to make it through!

As the judges for the audition evaluated everything that I’d been through up till that point in time, I was almost crushed by uneasiness. But, I also found myself thankful that I managed to give everything I had. That was also the first time I fully acknowledged myself and the effort I put in. I was also relieved that I had finally managed to soothe the worries my parents had over my future career.

I debuted as the voice of Hazuki Ren in Love Live! Superstar!!, and have been given many opportunities to perform live as a member of the school idol group Liella!. Since starting my career as an artist and voice actress, I’ve also been offered new opportunities such as being involved in activities related to sweet potatoes, which I love, as well as recitation plays. It may not be much, but I believe that I’ve managed to achieve something worthy of note.

Perhaps because I finally managed to give them peace of mind, my parents now fully support my activities. When I get home, they watch the television shows I’ve appeared in over and over again, and listen to my new songs until late at night. Their actions make me realize just how much I’m loved, which really reassures me.

I’ll do my best to challenge myself to do all kinds of things so that my parents, who have always been there for me, can stay happy forever.

Image provided by Young Jump Weekly. Photography: Kuriyama Shusaku

Author: Aoyama Nagisa Editor: Nishinaka Kenji All photos were provided by the author herself

Aoyama Nagisa was born on May 16, 1998 in Tokyo Prefecture. She is 155 cm tall and graduated from Chuo University. Her hobbies include watching musicals and playing with little birds. Her specialty is classical ballet, and loves sweet potatoes. Currently, she voices Hazuki Ren in Love Live! Superstar!!. She's also currently serving as the “Imadoki Girl” on the TV program Mesazhi Television airing on Fuji TV, and holds regular livestreams on her Niconico Channel "Aoyama Nagisa no Katte ni IMO Kyoukai".

Nishinaka Kenji, a free writer, editor, and commentator, was born in 1978. Besides working as a news reporter and penning interviews, he is also in charge of editing gravure shots for weekly comic compilation magazines. His non-fiction book Hinatazaka46's Story, which follows the path taken by the idol group Hinatazaka46, is a hit that has sold more than 100,000 copies. He is also a contributor to the independent review magazine ARAZARU.

Translator: xIceArcher Quality Check: Yujacha (@yujachachacha)

[ectonurites]

sad rambling don't mind me

The passage of time just doesn’t feel real, man. Alaska would have turned 24 today. The last time I can distinctly remember seeing her alive she was newly 15.

It’s just this weird thing of like, yeah, I don’t think about it all the time anymore, not the way I did when it was really recent, but little things do still remind me of her. I can’t believe how close it’s getting to a decade since she's been gone. 

It came up when Emme and I were talking about her a few weeks ago, but at the time she felt so grown up to us. I was a year older than her, but back then she managed to feel so mature regardless. She would nerd out with us (The last time we actually hung out was at the con the college in our town used to hold), but she also did all these grown-up things with people we didn't know—she'd tell us stories about it all though, she just seemed so cool. But god, she was a kid. A kid! Just a kid. She was 15. She was a kid. We all were kids.

So much of high school is honestly just a blur when I think back to it now, but things related to this are so distinct it's kinda scary.

Like, it’s been nearly 9 years! But I can still remember the exact seat in Jenny’s 1st period mechanical physics class I was sitting in when that first announcement about her attempt and coma went out over the loud speaker, it didn’t use her name or anything but just alerted everyone at the school that this had happened to a student. I already knew, I'd known for a few days, and I knew the announcement was probably going to happen that day, so it wasn’t a surprise. Our other friend got to stay home, but I had too many absences so my mom wouldn’t let me. I was in a class of mostly upperclassmen (only three of us were in my grade, nobody in Alaska's), and no one else in the room knew her or at least seemed to know this was about her, it was just whispers and speculation and I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I broke down in tears in front of my math teacher the following period when he asked me about the homework I hadn't done and in hindsight it was almost kinda funny, because he just did not know what to do. 

I remember sitting at Lily's house on the couch with her and Emme—having a sleepover to work on cosplay because that's what we did back then—when Lily's mom came home in the middle of the night and we knew something was wrong. And we got told the news that she'd passed a few hours earlier.

I remember on the first birthday after she passed, Emme and I went to the park across the street from the high school to let go of balloons. It had snowed recently, but we wanted to be in the center of the park, because otherwise they'd get stuck in the trees, so we trekked our way out there and laid on our jackets in the freezing cold and laughed and talked and cried.

I don’t know. I don’t know where I'm going with any of this, or what I’m trying to say. It's just like, time is supposed to make these things feel easier, and in a way I guess it does, but my brain just gets so focused on dates and anniversaries so every year when this day and the day she died roll around I still get hit with so much all at once.

(the anniversary of the day she died was particularly rough this past year because it was the same day Stranger Things Vol. 2 dropped and I went to a watch party thinking 'oh cool it'll be fun to watch this thing I like with my friends as a distraction' and promptly got punched in the fucking gut by what happened with Max, the hospital scene towards the end sent me spiraling for hours)

Anyways.

Happy Birthday, Alaska. I met you on a Tuesday afternoon in late August at the park I roller skate at now, two days after me and my mom finally called the cops on my dad and everything in my life changed. You were the first new friend I made after all that. I didn't get to know you for a long time, but you’re still on my mind even after all these years. I miss you. Happy Birthday. 

[sataniquepanique]

The Queen of Hellfire: Part One

Part One: Labyrinth

Summary: Two women had a monumental impact on Eddie Munson's life: his mother, and Meg.

Genre: angst, some fluff, Eddie x OFC

Warnings: mentions of DV, mentions of alcoholism, trauma responses, smoking

Word Count: 8.8k

A/N: I'm very interested in knowing Eddie's backstory, so I created something with that in mind. I always imaged Eddie being a shy kid, who eventually grew into the character we know and love. I have a few chapters planned. This is my first go at an OC, so go easy on me <3

September, 1980

The hallways of Hawkins High were stifling; even though it was September, summer still had a vice grip on the state of Indiana with no immediate plans of letting go. Eddie was nauseous. The heat paired with his nerves about the first day of freshman year were eating away at his internal organs; it would be a miracle if he made it through the day without spewing all over the hallway. Running a hand through his hair, he tried to tame the short curls in what he knew was a futile attempt. 

Mental note: never shave your head again, Munson; the growing out phase is painfully embarrassing. 

No one could guess by his calm demeanor that Eddie was fighting the overwhelming urge to sprint all the way back home to Forest Hills, seeking the asylum of his room, back to the safeguard of Uncle Wayne. A neutral expression hid the fear coursing through his body like poison; he had gotten very good at masking over the years, a mechanism he picked up back when he was in the care of his parents. 

He gripped the strap of his backpack tighter, the old canvas bag had seen better days. What was once black, is now a deep, dull gray, littered with small tears, scuffs, and a few painted doodles. Duct tape was basically holding it together at this point, having used it throughout middle school and abusing it almost daily by cramming each pocket full of novels, DnD manuals, firecrackers, and any other bizarre paraphernalia that peaked his curiosity. Money has always been tight, even with Uncle Wayne working overtime at the plant, so back-to-school shopping was non-existent in the Munson household. Any new clothes that Eddie owned were more than likely shoplifted by the young teenager, the rest of his meager wardrobe consisting of thrifted pieces mixed with Wayne’s old hand-me-downs. He had only recently started fitting into his uncle’s clothes, having finally started to grow into himself within the past year. Though they were all still a size too large, Eddie would frequently wear one of Wayne’s old flannels; the threadbare fabric brought comfort on days where he just wanted to disappear. 

Days like today. 

Grasping a class schedule in his fist, Eddie quickly maneuvered the crowded hallways, careful to avoid eye contact with any upperclassmen as he searched for his locker assignment, number 116. Wedged between the biology lab and the library, the small expanse of lockers revealed numbers 105-125. Tongue poked out in concentration, he spun the dial a few times, trying to remember the combination.

31.

17.

…2?

Yeah, 2.

According to the crumpled grid in his hand, he had the earliest lunch period, meaning only two classes stood between him and sneaking outside to read in solitude. Tossing some textbooks into his already over-stuffed bag, he slammed the metal door shut and made a beeline for English. The thought of 40 minutes full of literature calmed his nerves a bit. Books had always been a safe haven for him, even as a young child. His mom had read to him often, almost every night before bed, painting his imagination full of far away worlds and magical creatures. Beneath his bed were always piles of books, hidden away from his father who would more than likely try to throw them in the garbage given the chance. Eddie would escape to his fantasy worlds when things got tough; frequently hiding in his closet to read while his dad was storming around the house in a haze of alcohol and anger. 

In Middle School, he was a frequent flyer in the guidance office, usually for talking out of turn or pulling a prank on an unsuspecting student; but during the end of 7th grade his counselor called Wayne in for a meeting. Eddie was doing poorly is most of his classes, and his uncle immediately jumped to his defense, citing the visible intelligence of the kid, one that the counselors agreed wholeheartedly upon. He wasn’t dumb by any means, he just wasn’t being challenged, leading to him slacking off and not completing any of his work. They explained at length about how smart Eddie was, providing written statements from teachers about his knack for building narratives and the quickness at which he could problem solve. The solution provided was to put Eddie in some accelerated classes, to which he gave a stark refusal. The other kids had already labeled him a weirdo, with his tattered clothes and quirky interests, he didn’t need to add anything else to the list. Eventually, through the coaxing of Uncle Wayne, he agreed to Advanced English. As it turns out, AP English was one of the best things to happen in the young boys life. Mrs. Lewis incorporated so many great literary masterpieces into her curriculum, even doing a deep dive into the writing style of Tolkien, Eddie’s favorite. 

This year, he chose to forgo enrolling into any higher level classes, wanting to make a fresh start in high school; a clean slate where no one knew his name. He could fly under the radar and just be a normal teenager, no more bullies, no more taunts. High school would be different.

———

The exit door was across the cafeteria, flanked by long tables filled to the brim with rowdy students, conversing loudly and adding to Eddie’s already overwhelmed senses. As his eyes scanned the occupied tables, he noticed the numerous other freshman that had seemingly found their respective cliques. A storm of jealousy and sadness formed in his gut; he didn’t have any friends in his grade, so like with most things throughout his life, Eddie was on his own. His two partners-in-crime, Gareth and Jeff, were younger and still in Hawkins Middle, and although he knew he’d see them after school, it doesn’t do him any good as he stands in the proverbial lion’s den. Making friends was never his forte, choosing to keep to himself for the most part. After growing up in a broken home, Eddie had grown accustomed to loneliness; it had made him apprehensive about anyone and anything, so getting into his tight knit circle was an exceptional feat.

Clutching a tattered copy of A Wizard of Earthsea, Eddie hiked his backpack up higher and quickly snuck towards the door to the outside patio before anyone noticed him. Head down as he reached for the door handle, his body crashed into an immovable object. Dazed, he looked up to see the largest boy he’s ever seen, clad in a white and green Hawkins Tigers football jersey, blocking the exit and staring down at him menacingly. 

“Where’re you headed, dork?” He spat, teeth showing somewhere between a snarl and a smile.

Eddie tried to push his way past, “I-I’m just going outside—“

The jock slapped the book out of Eddie’s hand, the paperback losing a few pages as it bounced off the floor. He stared at the large boy’s chest, too afraid to look him in the eye, but also too scared to move. 

“Well…?” The older boy motioned towards the floor, “are you going to pick your shit up or just keep staring at me like some sort of homo?”

The slur caused Eddie’s throat to constrict, bringing back memories of his father hurling the same exact insult at him a few years back when he had first attempted to grow out his hair. Swallowing the bile in his throat, he bent down to pick up his novel, only to be kicked over by the linebacker, head hitting one of the metal chair legs of a nearby table. Eddie shakily started to get up, as the other boy moved to push him over again, only this time someone stepped in between.

“Enough, asshole!” 

Her voice was demanding and strong as she squared up in front of a boy that was at least twice her size. Eddie peered around her legs, trying to make out the expression of the older boy. 

“Fuck you, Meg,” the jock barked, any hint of a smile wiped from his round face. 

Eddie glanced up at the girl as she shifted her weight slightly to one hip. 

“Oh Petey,” she crossed her arms mockingly as she coo’d, “you wish you could be so lucky.”

The jock (now understood as Pete apparently), clenched his jaw, the tips of his ears growing pink.

“Go back to your gang of fuckin’ losers, crazy bitch,” he steps closer to the auburn haired girl, looming at least a head taller, but she doesn’t flinch. Eddie watches as she tilts her gaze upward to meet Pete’s beady eyes, straightening her spine as a threat.

“I’ll show you fucking crazy, Petey boy. Is that what you want? Remember what happened last time?” Her voice was calm, but something in the tone visibly effected Pete. He pushed past her, glaring down at Eddie still cowering on the floor. 

The mystery girl watched him leave, finally turning her attention to Eddie, squatting down to help pick up the scattered pages of his novel. 

“You okay?” Eye level with him now, Eddie looked at the face of his savior. 

He swears the blue of her eyes is his new favorite color.

Her face was soft as she searched his own for a response. He grabbed the destroyed paperback quickly, averting his gaze, “y-yeah, I think I’m good. Uh—thank you.”

She handed him the loose sheets of paper that had fallen out, “You’re a freshman, right?” 

Eddie nodded, shoving the book in his backpack. His eyes drifted back to her, taking in the numerous patches on her black denim jacket that was a few sizes too large. KISS, Queen, Iron Maiden, and a few other graphics he couldn’t make out littered the worn garment. 

“Do you wanna come sit with us?” The girl stood up, pointing casually over towards the back of the cafeteria. Eddie rose off the floor and followed her finger; a table of four students of varying grades was posted up in the furthest corner, clearly in a heated discussion about something. If he was being honest, he wanted nothing more than to follow this girl, but every part of his body was screaming at him to run away to seclusion. Uncle Wayne’s voice popped in his head, gruff but encouraging, “do it kid, put yourself out there.” Tossing his backpack over a shoulder, he gave a shy nod, and the girl smiled. 

“I’m Meg, by the way,” she held out her hand, a formality which, to Eddie, made her seem older than she was. She couldn't have been more than two years his senior. He cautiously took her hand, squeezing slightly as she shook it.

“Eddie,” he managed as they approached her lunch table. 

“Well, Eddie the Freshman, welcome to the Island of Misfit Toys,” she motioned towards her group of friends, and something in Eddie’s chest sparked a feeling that could only be described as belonging. 

The kids before him were all dressed in shades of black, three sporting shirts from bands he loved. One of the boys was standing with a leg perched on a chair, waving wildly while he argued with a mousy-haired kid across the table. A small blonde girl sat beside the latter, laughing occasionally at their antics while she watched the banter like a tennis match.

“Guys!” Meg called, breaking the attention away from the raven-haired boy on the chair.

“This is Eddie, he’s gonna sit with us, today’s his first day,” she said, rounding the table to sit next to the tall kid that was still leaning on the plastic chair, the one who was now glaring at Eddie. The group went around introducing themselves, the small blonde named Kate was very sweet and moved her bag for Eddie to take up residence next to her. The boy beside her was Rick, he wore a weathered denim jacket atop a Led Zeppelin tee that reeked of weed; his incredibly chill demeanor made Eddie instantly like him. A boy named Matt was seated at the end of the table doing homework. He had round glasses that made him look extremely smart, not to mention the stack of textbooks in front of him with numerous papers and bookmarks scattered throughout. The tall argumentative boy finally sat down next to Meg, reaching across to steal a carrot from her lunch. After a few silent seconds, it was clear he had no intention of introducing himself.

Meg pulled her lunchbag away from his reach, “…and this is Adam, he’s a piece of shit,” she joked, the boys angular face finding her cheek where he placed a chaste kiss followed by a playful bite. She smiled, giving him a shove as he grinned deviously. 

“Eddie,” Adam turned his focus towards the other side of the table, eyeing up the new freshman, “we were just discussing our latest campaign,” 

“—you mean Meg’s slaughter-fest?” Matt interjected, looking up from his work.

Meg smirked from across the table, putting her hands up in defense, “Listen, it’s not my fault you’re unlucky in combat.”

Eddie’s heart skipped a beat, “Wait…are you talking about Dungeons and Dragons?” He asked quietly.

The table stared at him like it was obvious. 

“Yeah, we have a weekly party that gets together. We rotate houses and make a night out of it,” Kate chimes in, her eyes were kind as they blinked up at Eddie. 

Uncle Wayne had gifted him with a Dungeon and Dragons Basic Set for Christmas a few years ago, not entirely understanding what it was, but knowing that his nephew was so enthralled by anything fantasy that he was eager to contribute to the boy’s interests. Eddie was hooked the second he saw the cover, quickly involving Jeff and Gareth to create a small adventuring party. They learned as they went, letting Eddie take over DM duties and hosting one-shots almost every weekend. The three of them had been teased in middle school for playing, but it hadn’t bothered Eddie because he at least had his friends by his side. He wasn’t about to give up D&D now that he was in high school, but he was also not about to advertise the fact that he played, afraid of the ridicule he’d face at the hands of older kids. He understood the perception of the game, the claims of satanic indoctrination and ritualistic practices. To say he was shocked by the open admission of a functioning high school D&D party would be an understatement. 

“Do you play?” Meg’s voice brought his heart rate down, meeting her gaze with a shy smile.

“Uh, yeah. I’m not very good though…” he looked down at his hands, knowing that he was selling himself short.

“Gotta start somewhere, right?” She offered happily.

He felt safe with her, something he hadn’t experienced this quickly since being taken in by Uncle Wayne. 

“I actually DM for my party,” Eddie mumbled, not sure why he was being so open with this group of strangers.

Meg’s eyes went wide, “Wow, really? That’s amazing!”

Eddie liked the way her eyes crinkled at the edges when she smiled.

“I DM for this group—“ she motioned towards her friends.

“—yeah and she’s fucking ruthless,” Adam rolled his eyes. 

The sound of the bell made Eddie jump, the shuffling of the cafeteria growing louder as everyone made their way to the next class. Meg stood up, swinging her bag over a shoulder as she bent down to whisper in Adam’s ear, “Yeah, but you like when I’m ruthless.”

He smirked, pulling her down into a fierce kiss before she returned to full height, running a hand through Adam’s dark curls.

“C’mon Eddie,” she motioned to him, “I’ll walk you to your next class.”

He practically jumped to follow her, trailing behind as she effortlessly weaved her way through the throngs of students. She asked him questions about himself, something that threw him off; no one ever really cared enough to inquire about his interests, save for Wayne. Consistently being written off as “the problem kid”, growing up he was always being told by adults that he was “too much” or “annoying”; the comments shut him down, at least in public, forcing him into a reserved shell that only broke around the three key people in his life. Meg seemed to have no problem opening up to him, and Eddie was a little jealous of her confidence. Even the gait in which she walked was one of self-assurance, and he struggled a little to keep up, occasionally tripping over his own timid feet. Meg gave him more insight into her world; she was a junior, her other hobby is writing, and her favorite band is Queen. Eddie wanted—no, needed—to know more. He wanted to discuss literature with her, wanted to drive around and listen to A Night at the Opera with her singing every lyric beside him. 

“The party is meeting tonight to do a planning session for the next campaign, wanna join?” Meg stopped at Eddie’s World History classroom, spinning on her heel to face him.

The invitation gave him pause. He felt weird joining a different party from his own, but he didn’t want to pass up any chance to get closer to her.

Swallowing any bit of apprehension, Eddie nodded. 

Meg suddenly grabbed Eddie’s hand, pushing up his flannel sleeve and uncapping a pen with her mouth. Scribbling onto his forearm in a rush, she winks as she starts to walk backwards down the hall. 

“That’s my address, come over at 7!” She calls before turning around. 

Eddie looks down at the note on his skin, tracing a finger where she had held so delicately onto his wrist.

———

By the time they got to Meg’s house, Wayne was already 100% tired of hearing about her. Eddie had talked about her the entire ride over, annoying the daylight out of his uncle who had graciously offered to drive the boy across town on his night off. When Eddie jumped out of the car, Adam’s yelling from inside the rancher permeated the front walk; he couldn’t tell if it was serious or in jest. Eddie rang the doorbell, hands shoved into his pockets nervously. Just as he glanced back at Wayne driving off, the door swung open, Meg breaking into a wide smile at the sight of him. 

“Hi!” She chimed, opening her mouth to say something else but interrupted by another outburst courtesy of Adam.

“—DUDE! Come on!—“

Eddie grimaced slightly and looked at Meg’s annoyed expression, “What’s got him all revved up?”

She rolled her eyes, “Who fucking knows…” 

Moving over and motioning him to come inside, she shut the door and ushered the him into the living room where the rest of the lunchroom crew had gathered around the coffee table. Meg took a seat at the head of the table, as Eddie moved towards an empty spot next to Rick. 

“Eddie,” she called, “sit next to me, as a fellow DM I’d love to get your input on some stuff.” 

He bowed his head as he took a seat beside her, trying to hide the rush of blood to his face. 

The session went well, Eddie had never played with this large of a group before and it was a lot more fun than the threesome he was used to. Towards the end of the night, after a particularly divisive decision, Adam got agitated again. Eddie watched from the end of the table as he argued with Rick and Kate, voice rising as he stood and began to point his finger aggressively at the two of them. Eddie felt his heart start to race, an involuntary reaction due to his early years of hearing his parents violent outbursts. Clasping his hands together under the table, he willed his body to stop shaking, taking deep breaths through his nose. 

Adam slammed his fist onto the table, scattering miniatures and making Eddie jump. 

Meg leapt up and put her hand on Adam’s forearm. 

“Adam, babe,” she said softly, “everything’s okay, please calm down—“

“—Shut the fuck up, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” he slapped her hand away, and Eddie felt a surge of emotion. He watched as Meg slunk backwards, rubbing the hand Adam had hit. Her eyes were glassy as she sat back down next to Eddie, and he instinctively reached to take her hand in his. She looked at him sheepishly, and he watched as his favorite shade of blue clouded over. 

Adam stormed out shortly afterward, slamming the front door and revving the engine on his truck loudly before peeling out of the driveway. Eddie hadn’t let go of Meg’s hand, rubbing small circles over her knuckle, the same thing he did to comfort his mother when he was younger. 

The rest of the party cleaned up, slowly starting to joke and goof around again. Meg released Eddie’s hold, and walked the newcomer to the door when she saw Uncle Wayne’s headlights outside. Holding the door as he left, Meg grabbed the back of Eddie’s sleeve before he walked away. 

“Hey,” her voice was low and sad, “thanks for coming, sorry for…all of that, he—“

“—don’t worry about it,” Eddie interrupted, he frankly didn’t need to hear any excuses for Adam’s shitty behavior, and he wasn’t about to listen to Meg apologize for something that wasn’t her fault, “I had a lot of fun, see you tomorrow?” 

Meg nodded, a small smile playing at her lips, “See you tomorrow, Eddie the Freshman.”

Visually tracing the water stains on his bedroom ceiling, Eddie couldn’t stop his mind from drifting back to Meg, but more specifically Meg and Adam. He didn’t like the way Adam spoke to her, arrogance seeping out of every syllable he spoke. More importantly, Eddie hated the way Adam touched her; full of aggression and disrespect. She deserved passion without anger, tenderness backed by admiration, love without the jagged edge of pain. 

Eddie mentally argued with himself; maybe he’s just projecting. He barely knows Adam, he could just be having a few off days and isn’t actually a bad guy. Meg’s smart, and he desperately wanted to trust her judgement, but a small voice in the back of his head was screaming.

He’s seen this dynamic before.

———

Eddie searched for Meg in the sea of students the next morning before homeroom, hoping to catch any glimpse of her auburn hair or black denim jacket. Rick and Kate stopped by his locker when they caught sight of him anxiously waiting. They wasted no time in reiterating how much fun the previous night was, giving no mention of Adam’s episode. The first period bell rang, a cue for the three of them to go their separate ways. He gave up looking for Meg with a sigh. He’d catch her at lunch, but he’d also have to see Adam, which created a pit in the bottom of Eddie’s stomach.  

He practically bolted towards the lunchroom at 11:00, eager to sit with his new found friends. Slowing down as he approached (he didn't want to seem desperate), he saw Meg laughing at something Adam was whispering in her ear. Seeing them happy caused conflicting emotions, Eddie was relieved to see them getting along, but he also yearned to be the one making her laugh, to be the one that could get that close to her. He set his bag down and took the empty seat next to Meg. She turned immediately, smiling broadly as she playfully bumped his shoulder.

“Hey fresh meat,” she sang, “how’s your second day going?”

Eddie stifled a nervous laugh, opting to shoot a sarcastic grin her way instead. 

The rest of lunch was uneventful, something he was grateful for. The five of them joked around and talked about making plans for the weekend. Adam was actually kind of funny, and very charismatic; Eddie could almost see why Meg fell for him. The shrill cry of the bell echoed through the cafeteria, and Meg groaned as she grabbed her bag off the floor.

“What’s up?” Eddie asked, concerned at her pained face.

She shook her head, “It’s nothing, I have to meet with my guidance counselor this period to talk about my ‘future plans’ after high school,” she feigned a gag. 

The dramatics made Eddie laugh, “What’s wrong with that?”

Meg shrugged as they walked side by side from the lunchroom, “Nothing, really, I just…wanna do life my own way. I don’t want to be told what I should do, y’know?” 

Eddie stops at the intersection of two hallways, “What do you want then?”

She stared off into the distance thoughtfully, “…I want to write. I’ve always wanted to be a writer. It’s also partly why I’m the DM of the party,” she chuckled, “I’m the only one that can actually keep up a good narrative.”

Her sincerity made Eddie’s heart soar. The second bell rang, and she quickly took to the opposite hallway, “Want a ride home later?” she called.

Eddie nodded a little too quickly, and Meg shot him a smile before opening the door to the guidance office.

“See ya later, Munson!”

———

Slumped against the brick wall outside the front of the school, Eddie waited for Meg after the final bell. Carefully picking through each face that streamed past, he finally caught sight of her as she pushed past the doors. His stomach dropped when he saw her defeated expression. Jogging over, he fell in step as she strode towards the parking lot, avoiding eye contact with him. 

“Hey!” He bumped her shoulder like she had done to him earlier, trying to be chipper in the hopes of being the one to lift her spirits, but she wouldn’t crack.

She walked him over to a black Dodge Dart, unlocking the door and sliding behind the wheel. Eddie waited as she leaned over and unlocked the passenger side, quickly throwing his bag onto the floor and settling in next to her. They sat in silence for a beat, Meg staring straight ahead while Eddie watched anxiously. If she was anything like him, she would talk when she’s ready, she didn’t need someone prying incessantly. 

In a single burst of energy, she smacked the steering wheel with her palm as hard as she could. Eddie’s eyes widened in alarm as he reached for her, pausing and thinking it better to not touch at the moment. 

“FUCK!” She yelled, throwing her head back against the headrest, eyes falling closed with a sigh.

He watched as her chest rose and fell, paying attention to when it started to slow.

“Hey…” he whispers softly, “what happened?”

Meg rolls her head to look at him, eyes dull and tired. 

“They’re threatening to make me repeat a year,” she scoffs, and Eddie can hear the pain behind her words.

He shakes his head in disbelief, “For what? You’re super smart!”

Meg lets out a sad chuckle, “Thanks dude, but that doesn’t mean shit apparently. I’m failing math and gym, and Ms. Kelly said that I need to have at least one extracurricular activity to graduate next year,” She rubs her eyes with the heels of her palms.

A few seconds pass before Eddie speaks up, “…how do you fail gym?”

Meg coughs out a loud laugh, and he smiles knowing he caused it.

“You refuse to participate, that’s how,” she turned the key in the ignition and looked over at him, “Wanna go somewhere? I don’t really want to go home right now.”

Eddie grinned, rolling down his window and pulling a loose cigarette from his backpack, “Of course, I have nowhere else to be. You got a lighter?”

When Meg didn’t answer, he looked over and she was staring at him with an incredulous expression.

“How fucking old are you, dude?” She giggled.

“Fifteen, why?

Meg shrugged, “Don’t you think you’re a little young to be smoking?”

Eddie pulled a face, “Weren’t you just telling me earlier how you don’t like when other people tell you what to do?”

She laughed again, pushing in the cigarette lighter on the control panel, “Fair enough. Did you at least bring enough to share with the class?” 

She held out her hand expectantly, wiggling her fingers as Eddie dug through his bag, emerging with another cigarette. He stuck them both in his mouth, pulling the now popped lighter and holding the smoldering coil to both tips. 

Passing one to Meg’s waiting fingers, he took a drag of his own.

“I could’ve done that myself, y’know,” she smirked.

Eddie rolled down the passenger window and blew a steady stream of smoke outside, “Pretty girls don’t light their own cigarettes, didn’t you know that?”

Out of his peripheral he caught her shy smile as she pulled out of the parking lot. 

———

Turns out ‘somewhere’ is a secluded bank along Lovers Lake, and according to Meg it’s her favorite place to hide from the world. She backed in along the tree-line, her expert maneuvering a sign she had done this many times before. Once parked, she hopped out, opting to leave the battery running in order to keep the radio on. She jumped up onto the trunk, taking a seat to look out at the water. Eddie followed suit, pulling one boney leg up towards his chest. They hadn’t spoken on the drive, just sat and listened to music with the late summer air rushing through the open windows. The lack of communication wasn’t awkward, in fact it made Eddie feel at ease. He had watched how the afternoon sun highlighted the red in Meg’s hair as it danced in the breeze, how her lips moved when she sang along to Led Zeppelin, closing her eyes a beat longer than a blink when she really resonated with a lyric. Now that he was sitting closer to her on the trunk, he mapped the light smattering of freckles on her nose. She turned to look at him, and he felt the blush bloom in his cheeks at being caught. 

“So, Eddie Munson,” Meg smiled, “tell me more about yourself.”

“W-what do you mean?” He stuttered, not used to the attention.

“Tell me about your family, tell me about your hobbies,” she hugged her knees, resting her head against them.

“Uh, well, I live with my Uncle Wayne. I’ve been with him since elementary school, since…since my dad went to jail…” he looked down at his hands. 

He’d never admit it out loud, but he was embarrassed of his father. Even as a young child, he couldn’t ignore the whispers around town about the ‘no good Munson’s’, not to mention the dirty looks and disapproving head shakes from people in the grocery store when they passed by. The first time Eddie was caught shoplifting, the clerk at the convenience store called the police, resulting in him sitting in the back of a squad car until Uncle Wayne came to pick him up. As he sat and stared at the metal cage separating the front seat, he heard the officer outside speaking to his partner, “—gonna end up just like his old man at this point. Wouldn’t surprise me honestly—“

Eddie hated his dad; hated the way he treated his mom, hated the way he had complete disregard for his own son. He would never end up like him.

He’d make sure of that.

Meg’s head quickly rose from her knees, eyes full of sympathy, “Oh, Eddie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up any bad shit…I had no idea—“

“—it’s okay,” he waved it off, shooting her a quick, sad smile, “I’m not upset or anything, Wayne takes good care of me. He’s more of a dad than my actual father could ever hope to be.” 

Meg nodded, “What did your dad go to jail for, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Eddie laughed, “What didn’t he go to jail for. He won’t get out for a while, not that he was really ever present to begin with…”

“What about your mom?” She whispered, afraid of the answer.

Eddie’s stoic as he looks over at her, “She’s dead. About a year before dad went to prison. He was always a piece of shit, but I think something about losing her really sent him off the deep end. Even after all the shit he did to her, there’s a part of him that still cared. At least, that’s what I choose to believe.” 

He felt something warm touch him, looking down to see Meg’s hand wrapping around his own. 

“Fuck him,” she whispered, and Eddie nodded.

“Fuck him,” he said proudly, smiling back at her, “What about you, Dungeon Mistress? What’s your origin story?”

Meg shrugged, gazing out at the water, “Not much to tell, honestly. My dad is a businessman, he’s in Indianapolis a lot for work but he’s a lot of fun when he’s home; we’re really similar personality-wise. My mom—“ she tapers off to take a deep breath, “—my mom is…complicated.”

Eddie squeezes her hand, “How so?”

“She’s got these expectations, ones that she forces on me specifically since I’m the oldest. She’s a teacher, so she has this crazy obsession with proper education, and I have no other choice but to go to college.”

“Don’t you want to? Go to college I mean…” He asked.

“Absolutely, I need to get out of this town. She just wants me to be a teacher or a doctor or something like that; she doesn’t support my writing, says I can’t make a living with it and she won’t pay for school unless I major in something practical. She ‘refuses to have Jack Kerouac for a daughter’,” she furrows her brows, shaking her head in the process, “we fight a lot, about everything pretty much. Nothing I do is every good enough for her. I just…I don’t want to have a career that keeps me here. I want to get out.”

No one had ever been this vulnerable with Eddie before, nor had he ever spoken about his own upbringing openly. Sure, his friends knew the story, but they had watched most of it unfold in real time and didn’t need to ask questions. Until this point, nobody else had been worth opening up to. 

Meg and Eddie fell into another comfortable silence, hands clasped as the sun set below the horizon. A flock of geese flew over the lake, a sign that summer was finally coming to an end.

Meg let go of Eddie’s hand and laid against the back window to stare at the indigo sky.

“What am I gonna do about school…” she groaned as Eddie leaned back next to her. 

“Well,” he thought out loud, “My best friend Jeff is like, a genius. He’s still in Hawkins Middle, but he’s been doing college level math shit for a while; something about wanting to get into MIT or whatever. I could ask him if he could tutor you?”

Her eyes sparkled as she looked over, “Yeah? That’d be awesome, thank you.”

Eddie nodded, “As for your extracurricular, do you have any like…talents or hobbies you can put to use in a club or something?”

Meg laughed, “Fuck no. I can’t play a sport to save my life, I have almost zero coordination, I’m not a chess genius, and I can’t sing or act well enough to join the theater kids.” 

Eddie hummed in thought, gazing up at the emerging stars, “Play any instruments?”

“Besides air guitar? Nope.”

Eddie grinned, scratching his cheek as he wracked his brain for an idea.

Just as Meg mumbled a small “I’m so fucked,” it hit him.

“What about D&D,” he sat up, looking over his shoulder at her confused expression.

“What about it…?” She responded suspiciously.

Eddie hopped off the trunk and faced her fully, “Start a D&D club. I guarantee the entire party would join, maybe we could even gain a few closeted players too. We could still meet once a week, but we would have a permanent spot at school to play.”

Meg rose up on her elbows, eyes narrowed, “Eddie, Principal Higgins would never allow us to start that up, you know what they say about D&D—”

“—Who gives a shit!” He threw his arms out, “It’s worth a shot, and if we make a convincing argument, maybe it’ll work.”

Her eyes softened as she sat up fully, “…will you help me?”

“Of course, with anything you need.”

Meg slid off the trunk, a smirk forming as the cogs in her brain started to turn, “What would we call it? It needs a cool name, something that sounds mysterious but doesn’t scream ‘nerd alert’.”

Eddie turned to look out at the lake again, running a hand through his short waves, wracking his brain for an idea. 

From behind him, Meg starts rattling off any thought that popped into her head, “What about ‘Dragon Riders’?”

Eddie huffed out a laugh, “That definitely screams ‘nerd alert’.”

“Knights of Hawkins High?”

“Hmm…no.”

“Board Buddies.”

“You’re fucking joking, right?”

Eddie squinted over the expanse of the shoreline, deep in thought. He heard Meg kick some dirt behind him. The radio hummed from the open car windows, the dull sounds of Highway to Hell filling the air.

—Hey momma, look at me,

I’m on my way to the Promised Land,

I’m on the highway to hell—

Eddie spun around. 

“Hellfire.”

Meg looked up from her shoes, “What?”

He smiled broadly, “Hellfire Club.” 

Everything clicked into place, Meg matching his expression as she walked closer.

“Hellfire Club,” she whispered, relishing in the way it flowed off her tongue, “You’re a genius, Eddie Munson.”

She held out her pinky, “Co-chairs?” 

Eddie wrapped his finger around hers, solidifying an unspoken alliance.

———

It had a name, but Hellfire Club needed to have a full write-up of details before it could be presented to Principal Higgins for approval according to Ms. Kelly. The next few weeks were filled with organizing and brainstorming sessions, at first only involving Eddie and Meg, but after they brought the idea up to the lunch crew, the unofficial club had a full roster. Everyone was ecstatic about Hellfire, at the possibility of having a stable meeting place, of bringing D&D to the forefront of the school’s population and not just a shadowy hobby practiced at home. They wanted to show the world that Dungeons and Dragons was an inclusive, fun, escape from the mundane daily drain of the world. All of Eddie’s free time was spent planning for the presentation; he was an almost daily fixture at Meg’s house now, talking animatedly about every detail that came to his brain as he ate dinner with her family. She never made him feel weird or stupid, she listened intently and would bounce outrageous ideas off him in return, eliciting eye rolls from her younger sister. 

As D-Day approached, Eddie was inseparable from Meg, spending every lunch period hunched over a notebook with her as they planned. 

The day before the presentation, Adam slumped into the seat next to Meg, slamming his backpack onto the cafeteria floor dramatically as his eyes connected with Eddie’s. The emotion behind them wasn’t kind. 

Meg paid him no mind as she reached over and stole one of Eddie’s chips, he broke away from Adam’s stare and smiled at her. 

Adam coughed, attempting to get Meg’s attention, “You wanna come over after school today?”

She shook her head, shoving a notebook back into her bag, “Can’t, sorry. Me and Eddie have to put the finishing touches on the final presentation for tomorrow.”

Adam let out a strained laugh, “You’re fucking unbelievable, y’know that?”

His tone made the table fall silent, Meg stopped rummaging through her bag to look up at him.

“What are you talking about?”

He shook his head in disbelief, dark hair flopping in front of his eyes as he stood up and grabbed his bag, “I haven’t hung out with you in weeks, you’re constantly ‘busy’ or so you say,” he made dramatic air quotes, and Eddie watched as Meg visibly deflated.

“I am busy, Adam. I need to get this club approved, I need to do this to be on track for graduation next year,” she was trying her best to sound calm, but he was only getting more frustrated.

“Oh yeah, so you can run away to New York or LA for college?” He spat.

“Adam please,” she sounded exhausted, “don’t do this right now…”

“Or are you just trying to spend more time with your new boy toy—“ he walked up behind where Eddie sat and pushed the back of his head towards the table aggressively.

Meg shot up from her seat and grabbed Adam by his arm, pulling him away, “What the fuck is your problem? Eddie didn’t do anything to you, he’s helping me build all of this.” 

Adam stared at her, eyes narrowed in anger, “Whatever you say, Meg.”

Kate appeared behind him, putting a small hand on his forearm, “C’mon, we have to get to Bio,” She offered Meg an apologetic smile, leading Adam out of the cafeteria but not before he shot her one last disgusted look. 

Eddie stared at the lunch table, unsure of what to say or do. He felt Meg’s presence settle next to him again.

“You okay?” She whispered, reaching down to pick up her bag again.

Eddie nodded, “I don’t have to come over tonight if you don’t want me to…”

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course I want you to,” she shut his offer down immediately.

“But Adam—“

“No, Eddie, please. Hanging out with you is the best part of my day,” she stood up without further explanation and walked out of the cafeteria without looking back.

———

“Do you want to run over it one more time?” Meg flopped back onto her bed, landing beside Eddie who was cross-legged amongst a sea of papers and notebooks. 

He shook his head, “Not unless you really want to, I think you’ve got it down.”

She rolled onto her side and smiled up at him, “You really think so?”

Eddie shot her a look, “Of course I do, you’re a really good speaker,” he picked up a few loose sheets of paper and waved them around, “and all of the outlines and campaign examples you’ve written are amazing.”

“Really?” She whispered, doubt lining the edges of her words. He realized at that moment that the confidence he had first admired was shallow, and deep down Meg was just as insecure as him.

Eddie grew serious, “Yeah, they’re really good. You’re a great writer.”

Meg closed her eyes and rolled onto her back, “Thank you…Adam hates it. Says I ramble too much, and the words I choose are pretentious,” she gave a short, sad laugh.

“Or maybe Adam’s just a moron that can’t understand anything past a fifth grade reading level…” Eddie muttered a little too loudly.

Meg’s head shot over in his direction, mouth open in shock but quickly erupting into hysterical laugher. It was infectious, and Eddie joined in, falling back next to her and laughing up at the ceiling. 

As they came down from their fit, Meg grew quiet, and Eddie grew bold.

“What’s Adam’s deal?”

“Hmm?” She rolled her head over, eyebrows raised.

“Today at lunch, he made a comment about you ‘running away’.”

Meg hummed again, “Oh that. Yeah, he uh…he doesn’t support me going away to school.”

Eddie furrowed his brows, “Why?”

“He’s content here. His entire life has been in Hawkins, family hasn’t moved anywhere in generations. Adam’s life is…cushy to say the least. Dad has a job lined up for him after he graduates this year, so his future is already set. All he wants is a nice little housewife to come home to at the end of the day, and that is not going to be me. I need to get out of here, I need to explore the world, and Adam holds that dream against me.”

Eddie watched as she stared upwards, gazing at something a million miles away. 

“Has he ever…touched you?” He whispered at the popcorn ceiling.

“How do you mean?” She mumbled. It was already out of his mouth, he couldn’t take it back now.

“Has Adam ever hurt you?” He dared to look over, and watched as her jaw tightened. It took a few moments for her to speak, swallowing dryly before confessing into the cool air of the room.

“…once,” it came out as a whisper, and he watched as her eyes glassed over.

“What happened?” His voice was paper thin; it was taking everything to not scream. He wanted to find Adam and make him pay. 

“I uh…I didn’t want to have sex with him one night. He got upset and accused me of seeing someone else…and he shoved me into a wall. Hit my head on a shelf and cut the back of it a little.” 

Eddie watched as a solitary tear escaped and ran down into her hair. He searched for her hand and grabbed it, interlocking their fingers, “Why are you with him?” 

She wiped her eyes with her other hand, “He’s a nice guy, you just need to get to know him, Eds.”

He felt a deep rage start to smolder in his chest, words spilling out before he could stop them, “My mom used to say something similar about my dad…”

Meg looked at him, eyes wide and brimming with tears. She didn’t respond, and Eddie just stared back. Anger faded to sadness; remembering all the times he had stood between his parents as his father hurled beer cans at his mom, spewing accusations and insults as she cowered against the kitchen floor. Eddie had been too young to help his mother, but he refused to let Meg end up a part of the same cycle.

———

  The last time Eddie was this anxious, he was playing in the Hawkins Middle School talent show in front of the entire student body. He sat on a bench outside of the principal’s office, tapping his converse against the linoleum floor. He couldn’t hear Meg talking through the heavy wooden door, but he would occasionally catch the low grumble of Principals Higgins’ voice. She had been presenting their Hellfire Club proposal for 15 minutes now, assuring Eddie she could fly solo and leaving him in perpetual purgatory outside the office door. 

After 18 minutes (not that he was counting), the door groaned open, and Eddie’s slender body leapt upright from the bench as Meg slowly emerged stone-faced. 

“What happened?” Eddie whisper-screamed, falling into step with her as they exited into the deserted main hallway.

He pestered her with questions in the short walk to cafeteria, Meg silently leading the way with a straight face. With every second of silence, Eddie’s heart dropped further into his stomach. They had worked so hard on this, Meg had been so excited.

She swung the cafeteria door open, a cacophony of voices and laughter smacking them in the face as they weaved towards the table in the corner. Eddie stood behind Meg nervously as she approached the group, all of them immediately ceasing conversation to hear the verdict. 

“Well…” Meg stated, looking down at the folder in her hand. 

Eddie inhaled sharply, waiting for the hammer to fall.  

“…I hope you’re all free next Friday, because the inaugural meeting of the Hellfire Club is at 3pm!” She slammed the folder onto the table as the rest of the group cheered. 

Eddie exhaled the breath he was holding as Meg spun and threw her arms around his shoulders. He squeezed her middle, bending down to whisper into her ear.

“You did it.” 

Her hair smelled like strawberries, and the smile she returned when pulling out of the embrace was as warm as the summer sun.

Eddie glanced past Meg’s face at Adam seated at the table.

If looks could kill, he’d be six feet under. 

———

Now that it was an official club, Hellfire needed some advertisement. A sign-up sheet was promptly posted to the main bulletin board by the front office, and was just as quickly defaced. Scribbles of ‘losers’, ‘nerds’, and ‘freaks’ littered the lined sheet, a few doodles of the devil accompanied the monikers. They had assumed it would happen, knowing full well the general attitude towards D&D, so Meg had multiple copies on hand to replace any that were ruined. 

The first official meeting was held on the auditorium stage, Kate had pleaded with the drama instructor to let them use the space when it wasn’t being utilized for the theater club. It was overall much more of a conducive environment to play, plenty of room and the addition of miscellaneous props from old productions created a mystical ambiance. The first session was the start of a new campaign Meg had made, and so far it was brutal in the best way. The gameplay adrenaline paired with the new meeting spot had the group buzzing, bringing them all closer as friends. 

Winter passed through the state of Indiana like a freight train, pummeling it with snow so thick that Eddie swore the blisters on his hands from shoveling would be there for the rest of his life. The ground finally thawed in late March, leading into the final two months of his Freshman year. 

Hellfire was such a key factor in his life now, not only playing but also learning how to better run a campaign. He still hung out with Jeff and Gareth, recounting the events of that weeks club meeting to them every time. Eddie didn’t have to convince Jeff too much to help tutor Meg in math, the second he met her, he understood why Eddie was so enamored. They made a recurring bi-weekly date to study algebra, with Eddie sometimes tagging along just for fun. Both of his younger friends couldn’t wait to make it to high school, knowing that spots in Hellfire were waiting for them.

As the school year wound to a close, Eddie felt a shift in the group of people he’d come to call his friends. Adam and Rick were graduating, leaving not just the school but also Hellfire behind. Meg had offered an invitation to keep playing, but Rick had plans to travel out west for a bit, and Adam flat out refused, citing his need to put ‘childish things aside’ now that he was going to have an adult career. The statement had made Eddie bristle when he heard it, and he knew that Meg was upset as well. Her face remained neutral as she stared at Adam, but Eddie saw the hurt in her eyes. The cracks were forming, and Eddie could only hope it was just a matter of time before the dam broke.

The last day of school was almost as stifling as the first, and Eddie cringed as he felt a bead of sweat drip down the back of his neck. His hair was getting longer, almost out of the weird growing-out phase, and it was taking some getting used to. As he slammed his locker door shut for the final time until September, sound of running footsteps caught his attention. Meg was running down the hallway, pushing past the dozens of students clamoring to leave for the summer. She collided into Eddie at full force, wrapping him into the biggest bone crushing hug. Though caught off guard, his smile was so wide he thought his face might rip in two. Meg pulled back, thrusting a piece of paper into Eddie’s face.

“What is this?” He took a closer look, it was her final algebra grades. A solid C.

“Holy shit! You did it!” He handed the page back to her, eyes full of pride.

“No Eddie, you did it. You’re the one that got Jeff to help me. You’re the one that helped create Hellfire. I can’t thank you enough,” she stared at him, admiration and gratitude spilled from every part of her. 

“What about gym?” Eddie chuckled as they started to walk out to the parking lot.

Meg unlocked her car, “Oh, yeah, I have a week of summer school for that.”

He laughed as he slid into the passenger seat, “I still don’t understand…”

“I’m never going to run the mile, Eds, I refuse,” she started the ignition, pulling out of the lot to head to their spot by the lake. 

Adam and Rick’s graduation was that night, and Eddie had promised he’d come along for support, but for now he was content sitting beside Meg next to Lover’s Lake, talking about their big plans for next year; her last hurrah at Hawkins High, and the year she’d pass the Hellfire torch to Eddie.

[teawithdiary]

I still remember the day we met.

September 6th, 2017.

In the present timeline, a few days have passed since that date—it's currently September 12.

When I think back to that day, many things happened. I feel like I should continue to write down my experiences when I have time. It serves as a way to heal from the trauma of the past. But, I'm hesitant.

Why am I so hesitant to write my experiences? I feel like it's partially due to the fact that I don't really think I'm a good writer. It's partially because I feel like I don't remember everything. Sometimes it's painful to remember.

However, maybe one day I'll send these letters to you. Maybe it's better that I write it down to remember.

A few days before September 6th, my homeroom teacher asked me if there are any after school activities that I'm interested in. I already had my mind set on a few options: either orchestra club since I've wanted to continue playing the violin, wind ensemble since I also played the flute at my old high school, and lastly, kyudo club.

Why kyudo club? I knew nothing about it. However, I knew it was traditional archery, and as someone with back pain due muscle weakness, I felt like it would be a good opportunity to learn something fun while strengthening and fixing my posture.

When I said kyudo, my homeroom teacher, Kana-sensei, expressed a slight glimpse of surprise and said, "Oh I know just who to ask." She then called a girl over. "Yui, can you come here?"

A tall girl with medium length black hair came towards my desk and stood next to sensei. "Yui, she's interested in kyudo. Could you take her to tour the club after school today?"

Yui's eyes lit up and she nodded with a smile. She turned to me and asked, "So you're interested in kyudo? What do you like about it?" Yui was a few years younger than me, since I was technically a third year but was in a class with first year students. I could feel a bit of a distance in the way she spoke to me, since I was technically an upperclassmen.

"I actually don't know much about it, but I heard it was an option so I'm interested in seeing it." I said with a smile. "If possible, I'd like to join two clubs, maybe one that's more traditional culture, and the other instrument related since I would like to continue practicing."

"I see, two clubs. Most students don't do two clubs since it's difficult with school," said Kana-sensei with a slight worried expression. "However, since you have time and don't necessarily need to participate in lessons, I think you will be able to manage."

Kana-sensei became quiet and began to ponder.

"Also, kyudo is really different from western archery," continued Kana-sensei. "It seems a little hard to learn, but I think if it's something you have interest in after seeing the club, you may have fun."

Yui smiled and said, "Our bows are more than 2 meters tall, and we get to wear cool hakama!" I smiled back and said, "I've never worn a hakama before."

"Yui has been doing kyudo since she was in middle school, and I've heard she's really good," said Kana-sensei. "If you have any questions, please ask her."

I nodded my head and said thanks, and the bell signalling the next class period rang throughout the halls. Before I knew it, the day had passed by quickly and the after school activities were starting. Yui came to my desk after our classroom cleaning time and led me to the kyudojo. It was tucked away behind the school, next to the baseball field. Hydrangeas and other summer flowers were blooming in the bushes beside it, where tall trees from the trail that wrapped along the school grounds provided subtle shade to the shooting range.

As Yui and I approached the kyudojo, a female upperclassman came to greet me. Yui said to me quickly, "She will help you out from here on. I have to go, but good luck!" and she shuffled her feet quickly into the kyudojo to prepare for evening practice.

Gazing towards the kyudojo, I met eyes with another. A white kyudogi with characters embroidered on the sleeve, and a black hakama with characters embroidered in purple—it was different from the other students who wore plain white pieces with red characters embroidered in their black hakama.

Our eyes met momentarily before you diverted them towards your friend walking next to you, smiling.

That day is when I met you.

[dailylinrambles]

memories...

often I’ll see my old teachers at work, sometimes I get classmates that I’ve known since elementary through high school.

Sometimes I end up comparing my classmates as most of them seem to have life figured out, while I haven’t gotten far, others seem to be doing well, and that’s all I can ask for.

Came across a classmate today that I haven’t seen since we graduated. He occasionally picked on me and was one of the shortest guys in the grade. Never hated the guy or anything, just never one of those that I particularly hung around. He definitely grew up and I was just simply lost for words. Works for the electrical company in town.

I remember the last day of middle school and we had a free day of P.E. We were chilling when a stray football he had thrown winded up hitting my friend. He made a quick apology and made sure she was okay. The coach later caught word of our discussion as my friend was teasing the guy about it.

“He did WHAT!?” “Oh, he hit him with the football.” she said casually. Not even giving the guy a second to defend himself. “You! You hit her?” Surprised by the outburst. “Y-yes.” Immediately turns to my friend. “You. You okay?” “Yes.” nodding Flips right back. “You! Apologize.” It was just one of the most unexpected and quickest exchanges I had seen the coach make.

Occasionally I’ll look up folks I haven’t heard from in ages. One kid, he was known for being an honor student and genuinely curious about things. I remember him always being well liked in general. Since he played Trumpet, I remember letting him try flute  and being thrill to make a note on the last day of school. In high school, every year one of our Physical Science teachers did the experiment the Volt experiment. Very much like this Viral Video Only we had it school wide. Teachers that knew of this would be like ‘If you want to participate, go ahead, just come back after.’ So every year there, it would be one MASSIVE Chain of people. And freshmen year I remember this same kid claimed dibs to do the fistbump. Talk about hearing the echos in the hallways of everyone getting zapped XD. This kid, last I checked is an airline pilot. One of my friends moved away to the other side of the state. Although she dreamed of journalism, she’s now a therapist? Which I can’t help frowning at this thought... Instead of having my first cellphone in high school, I got a camera. And with everything that happened at home, school life with my friends was one thing I never wanted to forget. So I would record us and all of our shenanigans (those vids are unlisted ) And after a while, she would be the one threatening me ‘I’m gonna beat you with a stick’ and flip the bird constantly. After graduating, I rarely record stuff anymore. She later admits she misses those years and wished she wasn’t so critical back then.

One classmate made it to the NBAs and is now a middle school coach.

I recognized one girl a few weeks ago as one that used to ride the bus in Elementary, took an awkward moment of realization of knowing each other. I admitted I probably was an annoying kid back then and she also admitted to being a jerk. (which she was at the time) Never truly hated her, it was the whole younger kid annoying the upperclassmen and vice versa. But it was good to see that stuff did pass.

I will say it’s crazy the amount of parents I see of my former classmates. A few look for me now that they realize who I am. ^.^;;

Still trying to get my mind to let go of one girl, she actually came up to me with “Remember when we went to elementary school together?” and I’m over here like, ‘Girl, we went to the same school from Kindergarten THROUGH High School. With my last real image of her is during Gold Card Trip to the skating ring (a privilege only to A honor roll) sitting on the bus, senior year, singing Womanizer by Brittney Spears... yet here you are with 3 kids, at least one is a split image of you at that age and we’re only going to acknowledge grade school...

[pan-fangirl-345]

Promise Me You Won't Fall In Love

Summary: You and Tsukishima have been friends since you were kids, and you made a promise not to fall in love with each other. But of course, everything's fine and great until someone (both of you) fucked up and caught feelings.

TW: swearing, mutual pining, unrequited love (it is requited later), minor harassment (not a lot), and there is some derogatory talk from an extra that doesn't even have a name (Kei puts him in his place, I promise).

A/N: So this wasn't requested, but I've been thinking about this one a lot recently and I wanted to do something with it, hence this.

Note: Anything in italics is a memory! Well, not all of it, but the longer sections. Most of the time the one or two word-er things are simply emphasized, that kind of thing.

"Tsukishima, your girlfriend's here to see you!" Sugawara told the middle blocker, and he turned to see you leaning against the wall near Yachi and Kiyoko, laughing at something they were saying to you.

"She's not my girlfriend," Kei muttered, walking over.

"Kei! I knew you'd be here," you said, digging through your bag. "One of the girls in my class wanted me to give this to you."

You handed him a bright pink envelope with black sparkly writing on the front, his name scrawled in almost perfect handwriting.

"Another love letter?" he asked, taking it.

"Probably, I've stopped asking. It makes them think that we're together," you told him, crossing your arms.

Kei sighed, opening the letter with little fanfare.

He scanned through it quickly, rolling his eyes.

One thing he had noticed was that the letters he had been getting were really sucky poetry and fancy words. They knew nothing about him worthwhile and he was pretty sure they just wanted to check off the 'I have a boyfriend' box on their high school checklists.

Kei made a noise of disgust and walked over to the nearest trash can, dumping the letter in.

"I'm assuming that's another no?" you asked, smirking at him, already knowing the answer.

He nodded, ignoring the smirk on your face.

You, Tadashi, and Kei had all been friends since middle school. Kei had known you longer, since you lived in the same neighborhood, but you had kind of adopted Tadashi when you had heard about him being bullied, hence why Kei and you were actual friends now. Tadashi was the link between the two of you that had stuck. Being forced to make conversation as some of the only kids in the neighborhood had simply made you acquaintances.

"If you knew I was going to say no then why would you give me the letter?" Kei asked.

"Because I'm hoping you'll broaden your horizons," you offered, waving your hand dismissively. "Besides, it sends the wrong message if I just throw them away without giving them to you. Not to mention, a lot of the girls don't like me to begin with because I'm one of the few people you can tolerate for more than a few minutes at the time. You've never had a girlfriend, Kei, even if they aren't girlfriend material, couldn't you at least make a few more friends?"

"I can barely deal with you and Tadashi, I don't need anymore friends," Kei told you, and you laughed.

"Keep telling yourself that Kei. I'll see you guys later, alright?"

Tadashi and Kei nodded, watching you leave before they rejoined practice.

"Are you sure she isn't your girlfriend, Tsukishima?" Sugawara asked, watching the blocker with mild interest.

Despite being second years now, their former upperclassmen were showing up more as tournament season drew closer. Though Kei also suspected that they were being nostalgic and that they missed their underclassmen's chaos.

"I'm sure," he assured the former setter. "Why?"

"Nothing, just a hunch," he murmured.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Guys, do you ever wonder how many people see you on the side of the street and think, 'Wow, they are the most beautiful person I have ever seen'?" you asked, as you hung upside down on the monkey bars.

"I think the blood is going to your head, (Y/F/N)," Tadashi teased.

"No, I'm serious," you said, turning to look at him. "I was thinking, earlier, about how Kei keeps getting all these love letters, and it made me wonder how many people see me as attractive, but never say anything. I don't think it's very many," you admitted, "but I wonder if they are out there."

Tadashi sighed, putting his hands on his forehead in an exasperated manner.

"(Y/F/N)," he said, sounding almost breathless, "just because Kei is getting letters doesn't mean that people don't find you attractive."

"I'm not saying people don't find me attractive," you said, swinging yourself up onto the bars again. "I know someone in the world must have standards that low, but just because they find me attractive doesn't mean they would date me."

"Why are we talking about this?" Kei asked, annoyance riddling his tone.

"Technically Tadashi and I were talking about it," you told him. "You were simply listening to the conversation."

"That doesn't tell me why this is the topic of conversation," he countered.

"I'm just saying! Kei keeps getting all these letters, and it makes me wonder if these girls actually think that they're in love with him. Attraction is really just a release of chemicals in the brain from when we were simply a species trying to survive. But that's not love," you said.

"So what's love to you?" Tadashi asked, curious.

"I think real, true love is when you see something that reminds you of them and you smile, even without realizing it. I think it's when it hurts to see them hurt, but you stay by them instead of seeking revenge, knowing they need you in the moment. I think it's the little inside jokes that mean nothing to people around you, but it's everything to you. I think it's knowing that there are plenty of people that are better than you out there, but wanting to stick around to be better for that person, to prove that you're worth it.

"I think it's seeing all the broken pieces, and loving them all anyway. It's remembering the little things. It's being able to sit in complete silence and know what the other is saying just because of the way their eyes crinkle. It's knowing that they have the power to break off new pieces, and trusting that they won't. It's when . . . instead of breaking pieces of yourself so that they can handle you, you stay whole. If they choke, you know it's not love, not really.

"It's knowing that you can stand on your own two feet, but leaning on them anyway. It's knowing that you are your own person, but wanting to share it with someone anyway. It's feeling free and wild, but content to stay still, because you trust them. For me, I feel like love is knowing that someone would read with me on a window seat, watching it rain, but they would also drive just a little too fast down older roads with the windows down so we can pretend, just for a moment, that we're in a shitty music video."

You smiled as you turned yourself upside down on the monkey bars again.

"I think it's kind of like what we have, but more romantic."

"You've been reading too much fanfiction," Kei muttered.

"Maybe," you admitted. "But maybe that's because I want to be able to spew romantic bullshit like that when I finally find a guy that likes me for me. I realize that, realistically, I'll probably never feel like that. Or at least, I won't feel it enough to put it into words like that. Fantasy never lives up to reality after all. But it's a nice thought."

"So, you don't think you'll ever find something like that?" Tadashi asked.

"I think that I'll either end up married to a man that was good enough, or on my own with no social life except you and Kei. I'll rely on work to keep me entertained."

Kei snorted.

"What's so funny you overly salted French fry?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

"If I ever think you're marrying a man that's just 'good enough', I'll say 'I object!' at the wedding," he told you.

"Oh yeah?" you asked, smiling. "And why's that?"

"Because you deserve more than that," he said, looking you in the eye. "(Y/F/N), you are not the kind of girl that should end up with 'good enough'. You're too . . . free for that. Although, maybe independent is a better word. You would wither with just 'good enough', and that's not something I'm willing to let happen."

"Aw, so you do care about me," you cooed, swinging yourself upright onto the bars. "And don't worry Kei, we both know that Tadashi and I will never let you settle with 'good enough' either."

"What about me?" Tadashi squawked, and you laughed.

"Come 'Dashi," you chided, "we all know that you won't end up with 'good enough' even if you try."

His cheeks went pink and you laughed again.

Kei, as much as he pretended otherwise, really loved seeing you and Tadashi laugh like this. It reminded him that there were people who didn't see just the bastard act that he threw up to protect himself.

He loved the way your dimple appeared when you gave Tadashi that real smile, not the smirk or the grin you gave people. He loved seeing Tadashi carefree and not hiding behind his hand when he laughed or smiled.

He loved being able to sit and watch the two of you interact, but know that he could pop into the conversation whenever.

"Kei, that look on your face is kind of creepy," you teased, sliding to the ground to ruffle his hair, a small way of telling him you didn't mean it. "What's it for?"

"Nothing," he muttered, hoping to the heavens that his ears weren't turning pink, though they probably were.

"Come on Tsukki," Tadashi said, giving him a look, "we've all been friends for years. We know you better than that."

"I'm just glad is all," he murmured.

"Glad for what?" you asked, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, leaning over them to look at his face.

"You. Tadashi. You know, my friends," he confessed.

Damn it! His ears were definitely pink.

But he didn't shove you off.

Most people assumed that Kei was a jerk all the time, and while that might have been true for anyone else, you and Tadashi were the exceptions to his rule.

You and Tadashi had been friends with him for almost your whole lives, and both of you had been there during the brother debacle.

You and Kei had lived in the same neighborhood for years, and had been a part of more than a few conversations that had been forced by social convention, and your mother had been good friends with his in high school, though they had lost touch after that.

You had noticed Tadashi being bullied in class and had stepped in, defending him and deciding that he was more worth your time than the other kids.

Which led you to Kei, when you found out that he had helped Tadashi on the playground, even if that had never been his original intention.

The three of you had become a trio of sorts in your later years, though your reputations weren't the most . . . innocent.

Kei had always had a sharp tongue and a quicker wit, and his irritation seemed to have no limits.

You were on level with him, though you were much harder to set off than he was.

Tadashi never really provoked, but he watched as the two of you eviscerated anyone that insulted him.

Kei was ruthless with people who made comments on you and/or Tadashi, never giving them a chance to get another word in, though they had often tried, simply making themselves seem more like idiots.

On the other hand, you tended to let people hang themselves with their own tongues, before using that quick wit and sharp tongue to gut them like the pigs that they were.

Tadashi had little confidence on his own, and he tended to be more affected by words than you or Kei, so most of the time he let you and Kei handle people, but every once in a while, he would be set off.

Nothing was scarier than Tadashi getting pissed. He was rarely ever confrontational, but when something set him off, it was terrifying. He got really quiet, and he never raised his voice. There was a quiet kind of fury that radiated from him when he got like that, and if you and Kei used your words to eviscerate, Tadashi used his to give someone hypothermia. He would make them get colder and colder before their brains tricked them into thinking they were too hot, and then ended them.

All three of you were terrifying in your own ways, but that didn't mean you were like that all the time.

Kei wasn't an asshole all the time, and he enjoyed receiving hugs and other types of physical affection, he was just shit at reciprocating it and letting others see that more 'vulnerable side of him', as he put it. He was better at fixing problems logically. He helped you and Tadashi study, or sometimes bought gifts to make you both feel better, little things that still made your days.

Tadashi was someone who might not be confrontational, but he was very good about getting you and Kei out of your heads when something did hit a chink in your respective armors. He knew that both you and Kei were more affected by what people said than most people were led to believe. He was also a very good listener.

You were the giver of physical affection when the boys needed it. Kei tended to need it more than Tadashi, since Tadashi had his moms who were more than willing to give hugs. Kei didn't like his mother thinking anything was wrong, and he didn't completely trust his brother anymore, so physical contact was kept to a minimum.

Tadashi was okay with giving Kei affection, but most of the time, when it came to Kei, you were the one he went to.

You had asked him once, why he always came to you.

"I sometimes think Tadashi puts me up on a pedestal," he had admitted. "He knows me, and he's my friend, but sometimes it feels like I can't disappoint him. I don't feel that way with you. Besides, your short enough that hugging you feels better. Plus, Tadashi is all bones."

"We're glad for you too Kei," you told him, leaning your chin on his shoulder.

Tadashi nodded, taking a seat beside Kei.

Kei's heart clenched, like it often did when he was reminded that he really did have great friends, and his ears got hotter.

"Alright, enough of the mushy stuff," he muttered, trying to wave you and Tadashi away.

"Come on Kei," you whined softly, gently bumping your head with his, "we all know that you have a heart! Don't be that way, it's just us."

Kei made a small noise, and you laughed, releasing him so that you could sit on his other side, peering up into his face with your adorable fucking doe eyes.

"You know you don't have to pretend with us," you murmured, leaning on his shoulder, taking his hand.

"Yeah, we've all been friends for long enough Tsukki," Tadashi agreed, leaning his head on Kei's other shoulder.

"I hate you both," he muttered, trying to hide his face in his hands.

"Nuh uh," you said, pulling away to pull his hands from his face, sounding like a child. "No hiding from us."

You took his hand again, and for a while, all three of you just sat there, enjoying each other's company.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Tsukishima! You're girlfriend is here again," Suga said, gesturing to where you were walking through the doors of the gym, laughing with Yachi.

"Again, she's not my girlfriend," Kei muttered.

He remembered, suddenly, about the promise you had both made when you were middle school and boys were starting to notice girls and vice versa.

"Kei and (Y/F/N) would make such a cute couple when they're older," your mother had told his, smiling as you both chatted at a neighborhood barbeque, being two of the only children there that could hold an intelligent conversation.

At that point, you and Kei were more than acquaintances, but you weren't exactly friends yet either.

Neither mother had realized that you and Kei had overheard, and when Kei had glanced at you, your nose was wrinkled like it did when you were grossed out by something, your expression mirroring his.

"Promise me something Kei," you had said, turning your attention back to him. "Promise me that you won't ever fall in love with me."

"Why not? I mean, I won't, but I want a reason," he had said, arms crossed as he looked at you.

"Because we're friends," you had said, like it had been the simplest thing in the world. "And because if we ended up falling in love and dating that means Tadashi would feel left out all the time and I won't let that happen. So promise me."

"I promise not to fall in love with you if you promise not to fall in love with me," he had offered.

"Deal," you had told him, offering him your hand to shake on it.

"Ah, Kei, there you are!" you said, smiling at him. "There's another letter. Based on the amount of hearts on it, another confession."

"Keep it," he muttered, pushing your hand away when you went to hand him the letter.

"Kei, I don't want to carry around another one of your love letters," you said, wrinkling your nose. "These aren't for me, and they make me sick, so please, for the sake of our friendship, take the damn thing off my hands so I can wash them."

He sighed, a pained sound that had you laughing, and took the letter, slipping it into his bag, wondering if the girls at school would ever take a hint that he wasn't interested.

"Why is Tsukishima so popular with the girls?" Hinata wondered out loud. "His personality is so crappy."

"And I don't think I've ever heard him say a nice thing to anyone," Kageyama added.

"That's because you guys are irritating to Kei," you interrupted, turning to them, arms crossed and hip cocked out to the side. "Most of the time, he's helpful and respectful. You two just aren't the kind of people he would voluntarily hang out with."

"Rude," Hinata cried, then pouted, "but true."

"The only people Kei really rips into are people he doesn't like, doesn't respect, people who disrespect Tadashi or me, or people who betray his trust. You two are options one and two."

"He just seems like an unfeeling asshole, even after three years of knowing him."

"I think it's the opposite actually," you told them.

Kei could feel your eyes on the back of his head, either unaware that he could hear you or uncaring that he was listening.

"I think he feels all of it, at one hundred and twenty percent. He just acts like that to avoid getting hurt in most cases. In your case though, he really does just not like you. Or, more accurately, he doesn't like that you two are so clearly passionate about something when he gets scared of something hurting him if he cares too much. Like Tadashi told you once, Hinata, if Kei didn't at least like volleyball, he wouldn't be here. Just think about it," you told them.

"(Y/F/N)!" Tadashi called. "We're still studying at your place right?"

"Yeah, just like always," you assured him. "Kei, you still have the spare key, just let yourselves in."

He nodded, spinning the ball in his hands as he watched you walk away.

"Tsukishima, are you one hundred percent sure that she isn't your girlfriend?" Suga asked, eyebrows raised at him.

"Three hundred percent sure," Tsukishima grunted as he served the ball.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why do you never accept any of the confessions, Kei?" you asked, looking at him from over the top of your textbook.

Your head was hanging off the side of your bed and your socked feet were crossed at the ankles, resting on your wall.

Kei's neck hurt just looking at you, but he didn't say anything to you about moving.

"Because they aren't my type," Kei muttered, checking his notes before writing down an answer on his paper.

"What is your type?" you inquired, rolling onto your stomach, setting you book to the side. "Because I don't think I've ever seen you take an interest in a girl." You frowned, then added, "Romantic interest I mean."

Kei wondered what other interest you had thought he might get out of that, but he decided not to question it. Despite knowing you for years, and being as close to you as he was, you still managed to be somewhat of a mystery to him.

"Does it matter?" he asked.

"Yes, because I want to be able to set you up when you decide you're ready for a relationship!" you said. "Tadashi and I would make great wingmen. Well, wingman and wingwoman, but you know what I mean."

Kei actually turned to look at you at that one.

"You're serious," he muttered, noting the look on your face.

"Yes! Unless you don't think you're going to want a romantic relationship, which is completely okay too. I just want you to be happy is all."

"You know what makes me happy?" Kei asked, pausing to let you answer, but instead you stayed quiet, watching him with those damn doe eyes. "Getting my homework done and not having to deal with confessions from girls that don't know the first thing about me."

Kei heard your small chuckle, and as he went back to his homework, he found himself smiling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kei had always known that, objectively, you were very pretty (he had heard enough from his classmates over the years to have it verified), but sometimes you did something, and he would realize all over again.

Today you had laughed a little harder as he ripped into someone, and you had given him one of those dimpled smiles that he adored so much, and he had stood there blinking for a moment before he cooled his expression again.

Kei didn't really understand why he got so mad when someone flirted with you in the hallways, or when you came to cheer the team on during games.

He had always assumed that it was merely because you were such good friends, but then he had realized that no one else got that mad, they didn't feel the same painful burning in the pit of their stomachs at seeing you with another guy.

Asking Suga had done absolutely nothing, the setter had merely suggested that Kei was jealous, which was absolute bullshit, and he wasn't desperate enough to contact Bokuto or Kuroo yet, though he might be at the point of asking Akaashi.

He would know if he liked you the way that the older setter was implying. He would know if he was in love with you.

Right?

Kei could worry about that later, right now he was more interested in getting that guy's hand off your shoulder and away from your neck.

"(Y/F/N)," Kei called, striding over, back straight. "The game's about to start, we've got to go."

"Kei!" you chirped, smiling at him, moving to his side immediately, giving the guy that had been bugging you a sugar sweet (and utterly fake) smile over your shoulder. "See you around never, hopefully!"

Kei pressed his lips together to hide his smile, letting you wrap your hand around his.

"Was that guy bothering you?"

"A little, but you got there just in time," you told him, your hand tightening it's grip for a moment before you let him go. "Thanks for always having the most amazing timing Kei!"

"Yeah, whatever," he told you, bumping your shoulder with his.

"Seriously, what is it with the girls that hang around with us and wandering off?" Daichi asked when you walked into the gym with Kei.

"Sorry guys! I just wanted to buy a key chain," you said, holding it up, grinning. "It's not my fault that athletes can't take no for an answer! Sometimes I think your on-court determination bleeds over into everyday life."

There were some nods, and Kei watched as the guy that had been bothering you stepped onto the other side of the court.

He followed the guy's eyes to you, where you were laughing at something Kageyama said.

Did- Did that moron just lick his lips at you?

Kei felt that burning sensation in his stomach again.

Kei didn't realize that he had been glaring until he heard your voice right next to him.

"Anyway, good luck guys!" you told them, affectionately ruffling Tadashi's hair, hip-checking Kei on your way into the stands, flashing him that damned dimpled grin over your shoulder.

"Hey, Blondie!" the guy called. "You, Glasses! I'm talkin' to you!"

Kei turned to see the guy from earlier smirking at him.

"Dude, your girl is so hot!" he said.

Kei felt the entirety of Karasuno tense behind him as they realized what was going on.

"Yeah, she is," Kei agreed.

"Think you'd be willin' to share her with me? I promise I'd take good care of her."

"Oh shit," someone muttered, and Kei saw red for a moment before he got himself under control.

"Is your ass jealous about the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?" Kei asked, putting his hand on his hip.

Using insults like that was never really his thing, but he was really pissed right now.

"Hey, Tsukki," Tadashi said quietly, "you might not want to-"

"What did you just say to me?" the guy asked.

"Hey, Kei!" you called from the stands, waving at him to catch his attention. "Leave the smack talk for when you actually win! Block his spike down his throat for me, alright?"

He nodded, giving you a grin that had you giving him one right back.

"God forbid if she was a guy and they were on the same team," Suga muttered, and the others nodded.

"Alright, time for the game to start," Daichi said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kei did as you asked: he blocked every single spike that the guy tried to send over the net, and Kei could already tell that the guy was pissed at the end of the first set.

He was spiking more and more aggressively, which was screwing up aim to the point where Kei didn't even really need to block.

"Go Karasuno!" you cheered, smiling at the team from the stands.

Kei, every time he felt his anger getting out of control, looked to you in the stands to calm down.

Finally, the scumbag was so out of control that he was switched out with another wing spiker.

From there, the game was easy.

By the end of it, Kei hadn't even needed to look for you in the stands. Not only had he memorized where you were, but no one else on that team pissed him off as much as that scumbag did.

As soon as the ball landed on the other side of the court, and it was called, you were running down from the stands, running for him.

"Kei! You were so great!" you cheered, wrapping your arms around his neck, jumping at him.

He wrapped his arms around your waist to keep the both of you from falling over, and he buried his face in your neck as he set you down.

"Oh my gosh, Kei that was so amazing! I think that's the best you've played all season! Seriously! Some of those blocked looked like they would've ripped my arms off, that was so cool!" you gushed, holding onto his forearms.

Kei nodded, giving Tadashi a look over your shoulder for a moment, letting him know that it was okay for him to go on ahead.

"Thanks for blocking the slime ball for me Kei!" you said, smiling up at him. "And what did he say to you that got you so pissed off? I haven't seen you that mad in forever!"

"It was nothing," he told you, "it was stupid."

"Are you sure?" you inquired, looking up at him.

"Yeah, I'm sure the team will tell you about it later."

"Alright, I just wanted to make sure that you were okay," you told him, "'cause you looked really pissed. I haven't seen you that pissed off since that one guy tried to make Tadashi cry."

"I don't like it when people make you uncomfortable like that," Kei said. "It really pisses me off."

"Is that why you kept looking at me during the game?" you asked, and Kei wondered if any other girl would've been so honest with him about something like this, or if it as just the fact that you had both spent so much time together growing up. "I noticed that you always looked at me whenever you had the chance."

Kei nodded, gesturing with his head towards the doors, so that he could catch up with the team and talk with you at the same time.

"Yeah, that was one of the reasons. It kept me focused on the scumbag's spikes, and it calmed me down enough so that I didn't punch him whenever we were across the net from each other."

"I kinda wish that you had, but I also know that it would've gotten you ejected from the game, which is not something I want to happen. Anyway, thanks Kei," you told him, smiling up at him.

"Yeah, always," he said, putting his hand on your head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was when you were over at his house Sunday morning when he realized that he might need to call Kuroo and Bokuto.

You, Kei, and Tadashi had had a sleepover, but Tadashi had left early to spend some time with his moms, so Kei had woken up to you with a hand on his chest and his arm numb from where it was pillowing your head.

The three of you had been sitting on Kei's bed watching a movie, but Tadashi had tipped over sometime near the halfway marker, and Kei had fallen asleep not long after that, so he could only assume that you had fallen asleep sometime after Tadashi had left this morning.

Kei turned on his side slowly, not wanting to wake you up, wrapping an arm around your waist softly.

He toyed with your hair, twisting it in his fingers gently, brushing it behind your ear, threading his fingers through it.

He wasn't ready to get up for the day yet, so he laid there with you, wondering how it would be ten years in the future.

Would your hair be longer? Would you cut it shorter? Would you dye it? Would you have kids by then?

That last one had made him pause.

He had always known that short of you dying or some huge falling out, Kei was in no way going to be able to get rid of you or Tadashi, but he had never even considered dating you, let alone anything beyond that.

So why was he wondering what your kids would look like? Why was he wondering how many you would want, if any? Why was he questioning how many stray animals you might bring home after work?

He sounded like every lovesick fool that got his heart broken in those weird movies that Tadashi liked to watch.

Kei glanced down at your face, and he suddenly found himself unable to think of a reality where he didn't wake up like this for the rest of his life.

When had he stopped seeing you as his little sister, or the annoying female friend that all of his classmates admired? When had he started seeing you as someone he could fall in love with, if he hadn't already?

But even with this new revelation, he couldn't bring himself to pull away from you.

Kei loved it when you both bickered like you hated each other, and he loved when you were able to throw back any insulting thing he said to you. He loved being able to have real conversations with you, but he also liked just sitting quietly with you.

This though, this was by far his favorite thing, seeing all the stress gone from your body, seeing your face without any kind of mask on, he adore seeing the calm serenity that came with sleep.

"Mm, Kei?" you asked sleepily, glancing at him. "What time is it?"

"Still early," he murmured, tucking you into his chest again. "Go back to sleep."

"M'kay," you said, nuzzling in close.

Kei waited for a minute before he grabbed his phone and his glasses from the side table, texting Kuroo.

Normally, he would've talked to Tadashi, but Kei didn't want to drag him into anything until he knew for sure, just in case he was wrong.

Kei: I have a question for you

Kuroo: What's up Tsukki-poo?

Kei: First, don't call me that

Kei: Secondly, and this is completely hypothetical, but how do you know when you love someone?

Kuroo: Aww, is my little kouhai in love with someone? How cute!

Kei made a face, taking a deep breath and glancing at you quickly before he turned his attention back to his phone.

Kei: Just answer the question

Kuroo: We're talking hypothetically?

Kei: Yeah

Kuroo: Can't you use the internet for this stuff? Why ask me? Why not ask Freckles? Or the pretty setter on your team?

Kei: The internet would tell me I have cancer, not that I might be in love with someone

Kei: Secondly, as for the setter comment, I'm assuming you mean Suga

Kei: Thirdly, he would go tell Tadashi, and then the possible love interest, and I don't want to deal with any of those things

Kei: So, please, for the sake of my sanity, just answer the question

Kuroo: Alright, alright. Jeesh. Hypothetically, if you were in love with someone you might start noticing their presence more

Kuroo: It would feel almost like you have a compass where the needle points to them, and you can't turn it off. You notice the little things more than normal, and you know them. I mean, really know them. They feel almost like a part of you

Kuroo: Seeing them hurt hurts you. You constantly feel the need to make sure that they're okay. Even the little things that kind of annoy you are a huge part of what you love about them

Kuroo: You find yourself smiling at them, even when they're doing something completely mundane, and you could recognize their voice in a crowd. Suddenly, they went from just another person, to someone that you could find in a crowd, even if they blend in enough that they normally fade into the background

Kuroo: Hypothetically speaking, of course

Kei was surprised by how much his mentor was able to type out in such a short amount of time, but in the end, he was most surprised by how much it lined up with what you had told him earlier. The basics were the same, and Kei sighed, realizing what this meant for him.

Kei: How to I make it stop?

Kei: Hypothetically

Kuroo: When I figure that out, I'll let you know

Kei blinked at that, then sighed again.

Kei: Thanks, Kuroo-san.

Kuroo: Sure thing Skinny, let me know how it goes

Kuroo: Hypothetically, of course

Kei couldn't help but chuckle softly, and he set his phone aside, wondering whether this was going to change anything, and how long he had been in love with you.

He had always noticed the little things about you, it was just a part of him being perceptive, and he had grown up with you, so he automatically knew you better than 80 percent of the people you went to school with.

But he was more in tune with your presence than even Tadashi was. And he had always managed to pick your voice out in a crowd.

He glanced down at you, and suddenly, instead of being worried about if he was in love you, he was more worried about whether you loved him back or not.

Kei debated texting Tadashi, but he decided that it could wait, and he wanted to enjoy this time with you unhindered.

Kei knew that he was never going to say anything unless he was sure you felt the same way about him.

For one thing, you were nice enough that it was entirely possible that you would date him just because you were too nice to say no. For another thing, he wasn't the kind of guy to make a move if he thought it wouldn't lead to a win. Not to mention, that if you he did ask you out and you said no, that might make things awkward in the friend group, and Kei didn't want that to happen.

He had gone this long, right? What was a few more weeks?

But, of course, things didn't go the way that Kei wanted them to.

As the end of a semester approached, as well as the end of the year, projects piled on, as did speeches and tests.

Kei had always done well academically, and he wasn't as stressed as some of the other people he knew, like Hinata and Kageyama.

You seemed to be feeling the pressure too, even though Kei knew that you were going to be getting some of the higher grades in class, just like always.

You were freaking out more than usual, and Kei realized that he needed to do something if he didn't want you to overwork yourself.

He found you on the swings at the park by your house.

He had gone over to make sure that you had eaten something, but your mother had told him that you had gone out earlier, and that she didn't know where you were.

"Hey," he said, announcing his presence as he settled beside you.

"Hey Kei," you replied, staring at the ground in front of you like it held the key to the universe.

"Are you okay?"

"No," you admitted. "I'm so nervous and freaked out that I can't eat anything. I have that weird mineral deficiency so drinking water just makes me really dizzy and I almost passed out when I stood up at the end of the day and there's nothing I can do about it! Not to mention that, once again, I got stuck with the morons that aren't going to do anything to help me with the project so I'm stuck doing everything by myself. For some of my classes, that's okay, I can just tell the teacher that they didn't help, but for some of them they're going to give me that bullshit lecture about working together. I have no idea what to do my speech about for that one class, and I have so many back to back tests that I think I might forget everything!"

Kei let you ramble, watching the way your hands moved around, trying to communicate the stress and anger and nerves that you were experiencing all at once.

He watched the way yours eyes widened and squeezed shut to add extra emphasis. He watched the way you glanced over at him to make sure that he was still paying attention, to make sure that you weren't annoying him, the way you smiled a little bit whenever you noticed that he was watching you and that you weren't annoying him by talking.

Somehow, you started talking about the constant love letters that he was getting.

"I mean, I get that some girls feel the need to have a boyfriend," you said, rolling your eyes, "but I have bigger things to worry about than their attraction to you, you know? One girl gave me a letter the other day, and I was so tired that I didn't realize what it was, and I started to read it and I was caught between wanting to laugh, cry, and hurl all at the same time."

Kei perked up at that.

"It made me kinda sad too," you admitted, your voice quieting. "I mean, it must really suck for you, getting all these letters claiming that they love you when they don't even know that first thing about who you are. I mean, it was hilarious that she even thought that you were interested in getting a girlfriend, and it was sickening how many times she used the words 'hot', 'sexy', and 'unadulteratedly handsome' to describe you."

Kei knew he made a face at that, with the way you laughed, before you continued, your voice even quieter than it had been, "But it made me sad to think that you keep having to read these things. They claim that they love you, that they want to be with you, and they don't even know who you are. Not in a way that matters at least. I don't know, it was just kind of depressing I guess."

You glanced at him, turning to face him.

"I hope you don't mind, but I started throwing them away. I'm getting sick and tired of being their carrier pigeon, and I really hate thinking about you having to deal with them all the time. If they want to confess they can find another way to do it."

"I don't mind, at all," he assured you, and you smiled at him.

But then your smiled faded into something similar to a frown.

"Hey, Kei?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember that promise we made when we were kids?"

"How could I forget? You never shut up about it during middle school," he teased.

"I broke that promise," you whispered. "That was one of the reasons that those letters made me so upset. As someone who has loved you, really loved you, for longer than they've known about you, it made me sick to read some of the things they said. I know that that makes me sound like some kind of possessive bitch, but it's true."

Kei stared at you, wondering if he had just heard that right.

You were in love with him? And had been for more than three years?

Kei felt like the breath had been knocked out of him.

"What's with the face Kei?" you asked. "I thought you knew already."

Kei didn't think that his eyes could get any wider than they were at that moment.

"Y-You . . . I-I what?"

"Come on Kei, you had to have noticed by now," you said, looking more concerned by the second. "I mean, it's not like I act the same way around everyone else that I do around you."

Kei let his brain process the things that you were telling him before he managed to squeak out, "You mean, like a friend thing right?"

You bit your lip, checking his face for something, fiddling with your fingers in your lap.

"No, Kei," you said finally. "I mean like, I want to be your girlfriend kind of love."

You weren't looking at him now, and he was worried you were taking this the wrong way. He didn't want this to end in a misunderstanding so he sighed dramatically.

"So, you're telling me that I could have confessed months ago and avoided the entire overthinking part of my recent internal panic?" he asked, watching the way your brows furrowed with confusion, the way your head whipped up when you finally realized what he was saying to you.

"A-Are you saying that the feeling is mutual?" you asked, eyes wide as you both looked at each other.

"Yes, you dumbass," he teased, smiling softly at you. "I broke that promise too, so it's okay, since we both broke it."

Now you were the one staring at him in disbelief.

Then you were off your swing and pacing in front of them, waving your hands around like a madwoman.

"Holy shit, you love me back," you muttered, glancing at him out of the corner of your eye every few seconds, like you were worried he would disappear. "I-I don't know what to do from here. I never thought that I would get this far. Is . . . is this where we talk about whether we want this to be a serious thing?" you asked. "Is this where we agree that we love each other but we pretend like nothing's changed? What am I supposed to do in this situation?"

"For one thing," Kei said, standing so that he could wrap his hands around your wrists, gently making you look at him. "You could calm down and let me get a word or two in before you make yourself black out."

You nodded, taking a deep breath.

"For another," he continued, "you and I should go back to your house. Your mom is worried sick about you, and you need to eat something before you pass out. We can have a serious talk about what this means once you aren't in danger of passing out from exhaustion or malnutrition."

"Okay, but only because I know that you're going to make me do it anyway," you told him, making him laugh.

You both walked in silence for a while before you asked, "When did you realize?"

"A few months ago," he admitted. "I think I've always known, but that guy- the slimeball that I blocked- got on my nerves enough that I knew it wasn't some platonic 'protect a friend' thing. I started seeing it more and more after that. I talked to Kuroo-san about it when I was nearly 100 percent sure, and that solidified it for me I guess, that night you and Tadashi stayed over and we watched that horrid slasher film. I woke up and you were right there by my side, and suddenly I couldn't imagine waking up any other way."

"That really was a horrible movie," you muttered. "I didn't think you were going to be the cheesy one today, but then again, you are always surprising me. And you didn't think to tell me?"

"I was worried it would make things awkward, and I didn't want to say something and be wrong, you know? Besides, you can't say anything. How long have you known?"

"Do you remember the summer before our third year in middle school and we all stayed at my grandparents' camp for three weeks?"

"That long? We were- what?- twelve?"

"Yeah. I remember that there was a thunderstorm the first night we were there, and I got up in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep, so I stood on the deck, in a tank top and shorts because I wanted to. I don't even remember how long I had been out there when you wandered out. I remember calling you a dumbass because 'What if I was a murderer?' and you just called me short.

"We both stood there for a few minutes, and when I shivered, you wrapped your arms around my waist from behind me, pressing your chest to my back and calling me an idiot for wearing something so light in the middle of a thunderstorm. Instead of doing the sensible thing and getting a blanket or a jacket, you just hugged me and stood there with me until I couldn't stand it and we went inside."

Kei remembered that. He had seen you standing out on the deck when the lightning had flashed, and he had been worried when you weren't in your room, so he had gone out to check on you.

You had looked so happy, standing there in the rain, listening to the thunder crash in the distance.

He had wanted to stay with you, so he had.

It was one of the first times he had decided that he didn't care what it looked like, he cared for you, and he was going to show it somehow.

Kei slipped his hand into yours, interlacing your fingers together.

You glanced at him, but you didn't say anything, just squeezed his hand and walked with him.

When you both got back to your house, you grabbed a plate of food and plopped down at your desk in your room.

Kei lounged on your bed while you ate, watching you flip through a textbook and scribble notes in between bites of food.

When you pushed the plate to the side, your turned to face him.

"So."

"So."

You both locked eyes and chuckled.

"I already told you what I wanted out of this," you told him, shrugging. "I'm fine with whatever we decide, but that's my best case scenario ending for this."

"You make this sound like a business meeting," he teased, watching you stand up to move next to him on your bed.

"What do you want from this, Kei?" you asked, glancing down at your lap.

"I want you to be my girlfriend," he admitted. "I want to glare at guys that think they even have a chance with you. I want to kiss you for good luck before a game, all that sappy shit that everyone says that I wouldn't be into."

You smiled, laughing a little breathlessly for a moment before you comprehended everything he said.

"All of it?" you asked, turning those damned doe eyes on him again.

"All of it," he confirmed.

You chuckled softly, taking his hand again.

"Good. Me too."

"Good," he replied, pressing a quick kiss to your temple.

You giggled, something that made Kei stop for a moment, because you weren't the type of girl to giggle, at anything.

He smiled softly at you, and he wondered how much shit he was going to get from his team with you around, but he realized that it wasn't anything he needed to worry about yet.

Then he remembered something else.

"Hey, do you want to cause a little chaos?" Kei asked you.

"How so?"

"Remember how I said I talked to Kuroo-san?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, he wanted me to let him know how it went," Kei admitted. "I have him, Bokuto, Akaashi, Lev, and Hinata in a discord group chat. I want to try something, if you're okay with it."

"What do you have in mind?" you asked, arching an eyebrow, a smirk on your lips that said you were up for almost anything.

Skinny: img.jpg

Skinny: Thanks Kuroo-san

five people are typing...

Kei laughed, leaning over to show you the chaos that had ensued when he had sent the group chat the photo of you kissing his cheek.

You giggled at the many exclamation points and question marks, snickering at Kuroo's reply.

"I love you," you told him, kissing his cheek again.

"I love you too," he said, ignoring the calls that were coming through on his phone as he leaned over to cup your face in his hands.

[just-jordie-things]

The Crown - Steve Harrington

word count: 4462 warnings: dedicated to @high-functioning-fangirl02 <3

You’d give your life to protect these kids.  

These kids you’ve known since you started babysitting them in the sixth grade.  Back when Mrs Henderson hired you to watch Dustin.  Which essentially meant that you’d watch all of them.  But that was alright, over the past seven years of being their designated babysitter, you’d grown to love them all.

Mike Wheeler, the snarky little love-struck shit that you spent grieving with since losing Eleven.  Lucas Sinclair, the sweet boy with the occasional attitude whom you helped construct his Ghostbusters costume. Will Byers, the full time sweetheart that made you cookies for Valentine’s Day after hearing you complain about being dateless.  And of course Dustin, cute little button nosed Dusty with a trash mouthing tendency, whom looked up to you like a role model.

Hell, you were their role model.  Driving them to and from school, covering for them on late nights so they could finish their D&D tournaments.  Fiercely protecting them a year ago when Hawkins was Demogorgon infested.  Standing up for them when you’d see some upperclassmen picking on them.

Those who dared glance the wrong way towards The Party in your presence, were rumored to run home crying with a bleeding nose and terrified shriek.  You never put down the rumors… because maybe it had happened once or twice…

Over time The Party was no longer just a band of middle schoolers.  It had opened up to their babysitter, being you, a senior girl who had not many other friends.  Nancy Wheeler, Jonathan Byers, which the boys always claimed was strictly because of family relations.  Not because Dustin was still harbouring a crush for Mike’s older sister.  The town Sheriff, Jim Hopper, who’d proved himself not to be an asshole, and turned out an alright guy.  Joyce Byers, whom you loved like a mother and whom treated you like her own daughter.  You’d frequently been titled ‘the daughter she wished to have had’ which always raised a snarky response from her sons.  Maxine (just Max.  Never Maxine) Hargrove, a high spirited and not your typical girl that you grew fond of easily.  Especially since she was nothing like her big brother.

And then there was Steve Harrington.  Who… really just was at the wrong place at the wrong time and ended up getting roped into the mess that Hawkins Lab had created.  King Steve, as you’d known him before you’d officially met last year by fluke accident, was always the popular boy that had a pretty girl hanging off his arm.  You weren’t sure why that changed so quickly, why he didn’t put himself out there as much as he used to, didn’t party hard anymore, wasn’t bragging about the new girl he was with that week like he was known for.  Maybe that day, when he walked into the Wheeler’s house right as you Nancy and Jonathan were awaiting the Demogorgon’s arrival, maybe he changed then.

Or maybe it was after he’d been sucked into… whatever this all was… and he changed to keep the secret.  Or maybe it was after Nancy had broken up with him, around the same time he started growing closer to Dustin.

But right now as you watched him directing the kids, you were more aware that he wasn’t King Steve anymore, that you had been before.  Sure, you’d realized somewhere along the way he was different.  But it wasn’t until now that you noticed it completely as it was.

“No listen you little shits, no one, is going anywhere” Steve ordered, holding a wash rag in his hand and pointing it between each of the boys, and girl, that stood in front of him.

“Friggin’ pointless just staying here” Dustin grumbled, walking out of the room whilst still muttering.  Mike groaned loudly, dramatically, and left to the living room with Max and Lucas.  You knew that he was still plotting you get out there tonight.  Consequences and dangers be damned.

You looked to Steve with a sigh, a lazy smile on your lips as you walked past him to go after Dustin.  He watched you go, letting out a breath as well as he put his hands on his hips and standing alone in the hall with his thoughts.

He’d give his life to protect these kids.

“Dusty?” You called gently as you walked into the kitchen, seeing Dustin sitting on the floor against the dishwasher.  Your brows furrowed as you sat across from him by the cabinets.  “You alright kiddo?”

“Would I be sitting in here brooding if I was?” He quipped, though you knew he meant well.

“Sweetheart you’re too adorable to be a brooder” You laughed softly, pulling your knees up slightly.  “A pouter maybe, but not a brooder”

“Thanks y/n” He responded dryly.  You rolled your eyes in response to his sarcasm.

“Come on kid, open up a little.  It’s me” Your words were soft, which did prompt Dustin to consider explaining to you his thoughts.  “Please? If we make it out of this alive I’ll take you to the arcade.  I’ve got a big jar full of quarters I’ve saved up-”

“Okay okay I’ll take the bribe” Dustin caved with a laugh that made your mood lighten.  “Look it’s gonna sound lame and cheesy but… everyone else is helping.  Jonathan and Nance and Mrs Byers and Hopper and Elle, but what am I doing?”

“You’re staying safe” Your answer came out instantly, but it didn’t seem to be the one the boy was looking for.

“No I’m not, I’m sitting on the sidelines, watching everyone else go be heroes and getting hurt.  I’m not doing a damn thing!”

“Hey” You hummed softly, and scooted over closer to put your head on his shoulder.  “You’re a hero Dustin.  Don’t tell yourself any differently.  All of you are, Mike too, and Lucas, and Max, and-”

“Steve?” Dustin offered, and you nodded, looking at him confusedly by the strange tone of voice he used.

“Of course, why’re you looking at me like that?”

“No reason” Dustin shrugged nonchalantly, brushing off the uncomfortable air between you both.

“Alright well, you should believe me” You continued.  “Even if you don’t think so, you’re all my heroes, got it Henderson?” The boy smiled and nodded, prompting you to push the cap of his hat down playfully before he could get up and leave the room.

“Mike’s probably still planning his attack” He told you, but you shrugged and waved a hand.

“Let him plot and brood” You said, and Dustin’s mouth fell open.

“How come Mike can brood but I can’t?” You rolled your eyes, still waving your hand for him to get out of here.

“Just go plot with him, I know you’re itching to” You said, and he grinned wide at you, glad you were letting him go plan their escape and attack.

“Thanks y/n!” He called, already racing out of the room.  “You’re the best!” You laughed, shaking your head as you stood back up and dusted off the pants of your overalls.  Steve came in a few moments later, watching you almost suspiciously.

“What?” You questioned, and he shrugged, shaking his head.

“Nothing.  Just wondering why you’re permitting them to conspire against us” He said.

“They’re not conspiring, they’re just discussing.  No harm in that”

“Um, every harm in that.  As in all of us, being harmed, because of that” He said, but you didn’t really seem to care what he thought about it.

“They’re fine, we’re all fine, don’t freak out so much mom” You said, walking out towards the kids and seeing them all circled up and discussing their big plan.

“I’m not a mom” Steve argued, and you chuckled, turning to see him, his dish rag on his shoulder, hands on hips.  It only made you laugh more.

“Mhm, alright.  Well then what would you call yourself?” You replied sarcastically, nodding towards his own stance, and making Steve second guess himself.

“This- you-! Alright whatever just stay away from the windows and go be safe somewhere” He muttered, walking into the living room where the kids were.  You rolled your eyes again, but couldn’t help the smile on your lips.

Perhaps, you thought, King Steve was the king of something else now.

You watched as he was waving his rag at the kids again, yelling at them for plotting behind his back, and reminding them that no one was going anywhere.  But even as Dustin pouted, Steve was rubbing his hand over the thirteen year old’s head.  Almost soothingly, like he felt bad for ending their little meeting.

“What a mom” You mumbled, and headed back into the kitchen for something to eat.

You used to resent Steve, back when he was the king of school and didn’t care about anything more than he cared about his popularity and his hair.  Back when he didn’t give a shit about pretty much anything.  And looking at him now and seeing him watch over these kids, you could physically feel your heart swelling.  If that isn’t character development, you weren’t sure what was.

You weren’t sure why it made you feel so bubbly either.

“Listen runts, we’re staying here, we’re staying safe, and we’re not dying!” Steve said, for what felt like the fifth time.  But Mike kept arguing back at him.

“Everyone else is out there!”

“Everyone else knows how to fight all that shit!” Steve retorted.  “We are staying, here” He repeated slowly, waving his rag between each word.  “You got that?”

“You’re just saying that cause y/n’s here.  If she wasn’t here, we’d all be getting in your car and going!” Lucas spoke up.  Your brows furrowed at that.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, ignoring your search for food and now strutting into the room where everyone else was.  “Am I dragging you down?” You asked, almost sarcastic, but wondering what he’d actually meant by his announcement.  Were you dragging them down?

“No, Steve would just protect your ass over our asses” Max shrugged, and the others nodded.

“What the hell? Everyone here is protecting their own asses, I’m not getting killed for a bunch of kids!” Steve said, making flustered and jerky movements.  You brushed off their newly sprung argument over where Steve’s bat is swinging and who it’s swinging for.

Apparently, The Party was certain that he’d die for you, rather die for them.  But you didn’t care much about what they thought.  They’d always thought that you and Steve were meant to be some power couple, but you supposed it was just cause you were the same age and the kids only ever saw you two together.  There was no real evidence (as far as they showed) towards the ‘chemistry’ you and Steve supposedly had.

You wandered to the window, curiously looking out it with your arms wrapped around yourself.

“Will you just shut up?” Mike’s yelling made you jump a little, and you turned to see your friends all still arguing with each other.  You smiled slightly, meeting Steve’s eyes as he gave you a bored look.  You just laughed a little bit back at him.  Steve’s expression softened into a small smile.  Your face flushed with heat, and you nervously turned away from him to look back out the window again.

A light blinded you almost instantly, making you squint your eyes and put a hand over them to try and clear your vision.

“What the hell?” You muttered, leaning closer to the glass to see what was going on.  Headlights, there was a car here.  Someone was here.  “Steve?” You called, not turning away from the window.  He came over right away, looking outside to see a familiar Camaro parked in the driveway.

“Shit” He grumbled, walking towards the front door.

“What- where are you going? Who is it?” You asked, following quickly after him, but Steve quickly turned to make you stay back.

“Just stay in here-”

“Sinclair!” A voice hollered from outside, and you jumped, eyes widening as you recognized it.  “I know you’re in there!”

“Billy?” You whispered to Steve, who nodded.  You stepped backwards, eyes never leaving Steve’s.  “What’s he doing here?” Your voice was quiet.

Billy Hargrove, was the most vile, horrible person you’d ever met.  And his wicked ways of bending people to his will, shook you intensely to your core.  It was no secret to the others that Billy not only terrified you, but would seductively torture you every day.  Sure, you’d been picked on before, but this was different.  Every day he’d come to you, hoping to get something out of you, just to mess with you.

“Come on babe, a little kiss, just a little one, we can discuss the rest later”

“You don’t want to get a ride home with me and have some fun?”

“When’re you finally gonna give this up and just put out?”

You shuddered slightly, practically feeling his hot breath against your skin just thinking about the things he’s said to you.  Stopping you in the hallways, finding you at your locker, approaching you while you waited at Steve’s car for a ride home.

“I know you’re in there you little pig! Come out here or I’ll have to go in!” His voice was dangerous, threatening.  And you felt a legitimate fear for your life, and the kids’.

“It’s fine, you’re fine, I promise” Steve said quietly, out of earshot of the others.  “All of you stay here, stay away from the windows” He ordered, giving you one last look before you turned and went to The Party.  They needed you right now, all huddled around Lucas and Max to make sure if Billy were to look inside, he wouldn’t see them.

“Come on guys” You said softly, ushering them as far away from the window as you could.  Steve, on the other hand, opened the door and stepped outside.

Instead of hiding in a room, completely out of sight of the maniac, you all ducked under the windowsill to see what was happening.

“Am I dreaming or is that really you Harrington?” You felt your entire body quivering upon hearing Billy’s voice.  Dustin, who was crouched next to you, turned and gave you a worried look, but your eyes were dead set on the outside.

“Yeah it’s me, don’t cream your pants” Steve responded, walking out towards him as he pulled off his leather jacket.

“What’re you doing here amigo?” Billy asked, the cigarette hanging off his lips moving as he spoke.

“I could ask you the same thing” Steve responded, void of emotion.  “Amigo”

“Lookin’ for my step sister.  Little birdie told me she was here”

“Huh, that’s weird I don’t know her” Steve lied easily, and convincingly.  You prayed to God that Billy believed him.

“Small? Redhead?” Billy replied disbelievingly.  “Bit of a bitch?”

“Ashole” Max muttered to herself inside.

“Doesn’t ring a bell, sorry buddy” Steve replied, still not sounding like he cared even an inkling.  Billy nodded, taking out his cigarette.

“You know… I don’t how this, this whole situation Harrington is um.., it’s giving me the heebie jeebies” Billy said, looking at Steve a little more threateningly.

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

“My thirteen year old sister goes missing all day, and then I find her with you” Billy pointed accusatory hands towards Steve, giving him a disgusted look.  “In a strangers house” He continued.  “And you lie to me about it” Steve chuckled bitterly, shaking his head and looking away for a moment.

“Yeah, maybe you were dropped too much as a child or what” Steve said snarkily.  But Billy just grinned his twisted grin and licked his tongue over the front of his teeth.  “I don’t know what you don’t understand about what I just said”

You felt a chill go down your spine as Steve’s protectiveness took over his tone.  Dustin beside you mumbling a quiet, “Holy shit”

“She’s not here” Steve said carefully.  Billy nodded, looking pointedly towards the window where you and The Party were all huddled and looking out of.

“Then who’s that?” He asked, pointing his cigarette towards his sister.

“Down!” You hissed, and the five of you dropped to the floor so fast you all groaned from the impact of the floor.

“Shit!” Dustin cursed.  “Did he see us?”

“Oh shit” Steve grumbled.  “Okay listen-” Billy pushed him to the ground before he could explain anything.  The boy kicked him, before storming up into the house.

“Well well well” Billy smirked, seeing you and The Party standing there together, you in front of all of them.  “y/n l/n, what a lovely little surprise” You grimaced, but he didn’t seem to care.  “And Lucas Sinclair, not so much a surprise at all” You moved over more in front of Lucas, who’s hands grabbed onto your arm out of fear.  “I thought I told you to stay away from him Max”

“Billy, go away” Max retorted, but her voice wavered.

“You disobeyed me” Billy leaned over his step sister tauntingly.  “And you know what happens when you disobey me” He added in a hushed, volatile voice.

“Billy-”

“I break things” He uttered, before pushing you aside, crashing your body into the wall.  Before slamming Lucas up against the cupboards.

“Billy stop!” Max and the others began to yell, Dustin rushing over to help you up, but you were already standing up on your own.

“Get off of me!” Lucas cried.

“Since Maxine won’t listen to me, maybe you will” Billy muttered.  “You stay away from her.  Stay-! Away from her” He yelled awkwardly.  “Do you hear me?”

“I said get off me!” Lucas screamed again, followed by a knee between Billy’s legs.  You gasped, feeling a moment of pride as Billy stumbled back and released him.

“You are so dead Sinclair!” Billy hollered.  “You’re dead-”

“No” Steve grabbed Billy by the shoulder, spinning him around roughly.  “You are” And with that he swung his fist and planted it hard enough against Billy’s jaw to make him topple over.

“Steve!” You yelped out of surprise.  He looked at you for a moment, nodding in reassurance as he shook out his hand.  It’d been a while since he’d hit anybody.  Billy stood back up, laughing menacingly.  “You’re a fucking psycho!” You screeched before you could stop yourself.

“Looks like you got some fire in you after all huh!?” He yelled at Steve.  “I’ve been waiting to meet this King Steve everybody’s been telling me so much about” He stepped closer to Steve, glaring at him.

“Get out” Steve muttered, pushing Billy’s chest lightly to move him away from him.  Billy stepped back and stood there for a moment.  And after a few seconds passed you were certain that he was going to stay back.

Until he swung swiftly at Steve, but missed as Steve ducked just in time.  You gasped, clapping your hands over your mouth in terror.  Steve stood back up and swung his fist again, hitting Billy and making him stumble again.

“Yes! Get him Steve!” Dustin cheered, and the others began to as well.  You couldn’t find yourself to say anything, just wince every time a punch was made.  Steve hit him two more times, and Billy ran into the kitchen sink.  Leaning back and wincing in pain.

“Kill him! Kill him!” Mike was yelling.  But Billy grabbed a plate of the counter, smashing it over Steve’s head, and making him fall to the ground.

“Steve!” You screamed now, taking long strides to get over to him, only to be pushed away by Billy.  Who hit Steve as soon as he stood up again.  He grabbed Steve by the shoulders, staring him down.

“No one.  Tells me what to do” He muttered angrily, and threw his head forward hard into Steve’s knocking him down again.

“Fucking hell” You mumbled, tears beginning to prick your eyes in fear that Billy was actually going to kill Steve.  The mullet wearing psycho leapt onto Steve, pinning him down and swinging punch after punch against his face.

“Stop it!” Mike yelled at the top of his lungs, but it did nothing to end Billy’s attack.

“Steve!” Dustin hollered.

You stood frozen, every scene in front of you soundless, and moving slowly.  You could only feel your heart in your chest, sending you into an anxiety attack, you were sure.  But it barely mattered to you in that moment.  You turned away, and your eyes landed on something.

The syringe used on Will earlier.

Sleep… put him to sleep… your thoughts were broken as you reached for it, looking at it in your hands for a few seconds, before stepping forward and slamming the needle into Billy’s neck without a hesitation.  Mike and Dustin gasped, standing back.  Everyone’s eyes stuck on the syringe hanging out of BIlly’s neck now.  A disgust filling them up at the sight.

“Shit y/n” Dustin mumbled, his hand covering his mouth to stop vomit from flowing.

Billy stood up, wobbling slightly as he turned to look at you.  He pulled the needle out of his neck, vision beginning to fail.  “The hell is this?” He asked, trying to step towards you threateningly, but he was wobbling so much you didn’t even move.  No longer afraid of him.

“You’re fucking done Hargrove” You muttered, and before thinking twice to second guess yourself, punching him across the jaw, and sending him back on his ass.  Billy groaned, staying down where he’d fallen against the couch.

“Shit what did you do” He mumbled, growing dizzy from the mix of drug and pain.

A few moments later he completely passed out.

“Fuck” You hissed in pain, putting your bruising knuckles against your mouth.  You didn’t think punching someone would hurt so damn much.

“y/n holy shit”

“Are you okay?”

“That was badass!”

The Party was fussing and cheering for you, but you didn’t respond, kneeling down by Steve next and counting up all the cuts and bruises he was beginning to sport.  He was unconscious, that was for sure.  But he’d be in for a world of hurt when he woke up.

“Come on, help me get him back to Jon’s bed” You called to the kids.

It was difficult moving him, but after ten minutes you’d managed to get him into Jonathan’s room to lie on the bed there.  You were sat next to him, a cold wet rag in your hand, and the open first aid kit on the ground.  It took you awhile to clean off all the blood and apply bandages where you thought they were necessary.  There was a frozen bag of peas you’d put over one of his eyes to stop the swelling, but so far it still looked pretty bad.

The Party had sat with you for what felt like a long time before you told them to go back to the living room and wait for the others to return home.  Dustin put up a small fight about it, but eventually gave in and listened to your order.  And now it was just you kneeling on the ground by Steve, watching over him carefully.  Making sure he was breathing okay, and that nothing would begin to bleed again.

“Well King Steve, you got quite the ass kicking” You mumbled, just to yourself.  Your fingers placed a few stray hairs on his forehead back into place.  “But your crown is still there” You smiled to yourself, fingertips gently brushing his hair.

“y/n?” Your eyes looked back at him as he mumbled, almost incoherently.  “What happened?” The poor boy’s eyes weren’t even open.

“You put up a really good fight” You told him softly.  He winced, the pain probably beginning to settle in.

“Did I win?” He groaned, eyes clenching shut momentarily.  You bit down on your lip and shook your head, even though he couldn’t see you.

“You put up a really good fight” You repeated yourself, playing with his hair again.  Steve sighed, knowing the answer.

“Is he gone?” He asked, eyes finally beginning to flutter open.

“Yeah… yeah he won’t be back any time soon, I’m sure” You answered.  Steve looked up at you, smiling down gently at him.  He smiled back instantly, and moved his arm to push your hair back, but even at it’s slight movement you winced in pain.  “You’re in pretty bad shape” You told him quietly.  “But you’ll heal up alright”

“Are you okay?” He asked, and you nodded.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine” You shrugged slightly.  “We’re all really worried about you.  Dustin thought you were dead” Steve chuckled painfully, shaking his head a little bit.

“Are they alright? Max and Lucas?”

“Yeah, we’re all good Steve” You hummed with a slight nod.  You leaned forward, a little closer to him to check on the eye swelled under the bag of peas.  You frowned, seeing the black and blue bruise that only seemed to be spreading.

“I’m alright, don’t fuss so much” Steve said, putting his hand over the bag and pushing it back against his face.  Your eyes met his for a moment.

“You’re pretty bruised up Harrington” You sighed, taking the wet rag in your hand and dabbing it gently on his bruised cheek.  “There’s not an inch of your face spared”

“It’ll be fine, I’ll heal up”

“Years from now, maybe” You replied sarcastically, and he smiled at you while you carefully pressed the cold cloth to his face.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He murmured, and you looked at him for the briefest of seconds before going back to work.  Now is not the time to talk about feelings, you thought to yourself.

“Yeah? Go play hero some more and you’ll never see anything again” You told him, and he shrugged slightly, not having a response to that.

“I just wanted to remind you.  In case you haven’t been told in a while” He said.  You bit on the inside of your cheek to keep from smiling too much.  You looked down at him, your eyes softening slightly.

You leaned over closer to him, pausing for a moment before pressing your lips lightly against his.  It was a chaste kiss, only lasting a few seconds as you didn’t want to hurt him anymore than he already was.  When you pulled back, you smiled nervously at him, and he only smiled back at you.

“You’re lucky you didn’t die Harrington” You said, and got right back to work on pressing the rag to his wounds.

“That I am” He replied cheekily.

You giggled softly, smiling down at him and wondering just when he’d changed so much.

You knew he’d give his life for these kids too, just like you would.

love me some babysitter steve

xoxo ~ jordie

[violettelueur]

— JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE EIGHT || BOREDOM

↳ featuring : fushiguro megumi + kugisaki nobara + gojo satoru + zenin maki + inumaki toge + panda + aoi todo + zenin mai + miwa kasumi + gakuganji yoshinobu (mentions of itadori yuji + ieiri shoko) from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : mention of violence + EXTREME grammar issues

↳ form : story

↳ published : 02 march

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 5.8k

↳ synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but....

↳ previous episode : assault 

↳ next episode : small fry and reverse retribution

↳ barista’s notes : hi there everyone! right now i know i haven’t been the most active i have been but i really thankful on how patient you all are ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆ my procrastination has reach a new all time high since my birthday is on saturday and i am dreading becoming 18 because that means i will be a legal adult and i also have exams soon...ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ moving on from that, i hope you all enjoys today’s episode!

BEFORE READING, I NEED YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS:

1. the whole story belongs to Gege Akutami and the credits go to them and them only.

2. the spell curses used belong to Tite Kubo due to them being the ‘Kidos’ being used on the manga and anime ‘Bleach’ - but none is mentioned in this chapter.

2.5 for the ‘cursed spells’/kidos (bleach) i will link this video here and tell you the time stamp to check out what i am intending to show - remember i add a few twist here and there by adding the katana to link with Y/N’s cursed technique

no cursed spells used this episode... 

but the little flick that Y/N does is inspired from this video here

3. if you are confused on anything, please don’t hesitate to message me since i know this whole thing is so confusing.

“You really need to stop with your assaults Gojo,” Fushiguro stated, as he pressed his index and middle finger on the middle of his forehead, as he remembered the pain that came along with your flick as well as complaining about the side head slap he had gained from you.

“Nah, you just got to stop asking stupid questions Fushiguro,” you commented back before asking Kugisaki want she was planning to get.

‘So make sure you’re not alone in this world like I am Y/N, I want you to be happy even when we’re both stuck with this burden!’

‘I’m trying mother,’ you thought, as you tightly gripped your phone that was still in your pocket.

                                              ꕥ

“I never really thought you were the type that would go to the beach,” you commented, as you leisurely walked towards the calm ocean with a pair of arms wrapped around yours (that was holding your shoes) since your mother wanted to walk side by side with you to enjoy this tranquil moment together.

“I never thought that about myself either, but it’s better to be surprised then going back to the city again, is it not?” your mother asked with a let out a gentle laugh before instantly halting the moment you both felt the warm water covering your bare feet.

“I guess so,” you stated before using your other arm to partly cover your face due to the sunlight brightly blinding your eyes. However, it seemed like where your mother was standing wasn’t causing her too much irritation - maybe it wasn't as bright from where she was.

Currently, it was sunset at Tatadohama beach - to which surprised you that there weren’t as many people as you thought - where your mother had taken you since she thought you both deserved a bit of a break before you could go back to school since it was the summer break and to be honest, you needed it since you and your mother just came back from a job of exorcising a grade-one curse while trying to escape the scene before any other jujutsu sorcerers came.

“You look beautiful though, your mother has good taste doesn’t she?” your mother teasingly asked in a rhetorical manner, as she took her time to observe you rather than the sunset that was in front of her. Right now, you were some simple jean shorts that were somewhat quite large letting the gentle breeze cool you down leading you to fasten a black belt with a silver buckle which tucked in a simple short-sleeved oversized white button-up shirt that was loose, so you wouldn’t feel tight around your upper body as well as dressing for the warm weather that was approaching.

“It is quite plain, but it’s simple and cute,” you commented, as you peered down at your mother’s clothing choices before looking back up to view the beautiful setting in front of you, as your mother smiled gently before placing her head on your shoulder.

“Promise me that you’ll be okay,” your mother suddenly uttered quietly, leading you to give off a confused look before turning your head down slightly only to discover a small smile on her face with softened eyes as if she was relishing the moment with you.

“You’re acting like you're going to die tomorrow,” you comedically commented, leading your mother to laugh at your statement which caused you to giggle slightly since your mother’s laugh was always contagious when you were with her. Taking a deep breath in to calm down, your mother slowly calmed down before lifting her head up as she sighed.

“Well, anything can happen and I want your word that you will do anything to be safe,” your mother expanded on her previous statement, causing you to turn to her to look at her in the eye, trying to see and understand what your mother really wanted you to know before you nodded at her with a small smile.

“I promise mother” 

                                               ꕥ

“Oi Y/N, wake up”

Slowly opening your eyes, you slowly blinks a few times as you try to get a clearer view from what you were looking at before steadily realising that you were at the track field where you were training with the rest of the students.

Shifting your eyes to look up slightly, only to discover all the upperclassmen looking down at you with the tree leaves covering you from the sunlight that was beaming down right now.

‘Oh...that’s right, I’m at Jujutsu Tech’

“Sorry for making you fight with all of us, I bet you were exhausted, but we need you to check up on Megumi and Nobara since they went to do some errands,” Panda expressed with hands pressed together as a sign of forgiveness.

“Kelp,” Inumaki commented as if affirming Panda’s statement leading you to sit up slowly before stretching your arms to get read of the stiffness that was consuming them before taking in Zenin’s outstretched arm to help you up - something you both been doing for quite some time during the week - before picking up the black track top of brought out for today’s training that you were laying on top of.

“Sorry for sleeping, where are they?” you asked, as you covered your mouth to yawn since you didn’t want to seem rude to your second-year seniors.

“They should be getting a few drinks for themselves and us from the vending machines, they didn’t want to wake you up, but we knew they probably need some help remembering what we want,” Zenin answered, as she used her thumb to point behind her the direction you needed to take.

“Sorry, I’ll get going then,” you commented before tying the track top around your waist before picking up your black katana since you didn’t want to leave it alone before waving at them when you were beginning to head off.

“I’ll see you guys later,” you mentioned before Inuamki shouted ‘Salmon’ back at you before you swiftly made your way up the stone steps to find both your classmates Fushiguro and Kugisaki to get the drinks that the other wanted since you knew that they’ll probably both forget or take too long for your senior’s liking.

“I’m surprised she can still run after all those practice matches,” Panda stated, as he continued to stare at the direction that you headed out in.

“She’s strong, there is no surprise Gojo has taken her into his family and out of training to take some missions,” Zenin commented before continuing with, “she comes back really quickly to resume training with us,”.

“Mustard leaf,” Inumaki mentioned, as he nodded at his classmate’s remark about you before all of the second years went off for their walk, as they gave you time to run your errands before coming back to the field to train for the Kyoto Sister-School Goodwill Event.

                                               ꕥ

Looking at her drinks in front of her, Kugisaki was disappointed at the lack of variety that the machines had as she groaned in annoyance before pressing her choice of the cold drink she wanted before checking to make sure there was orange juice in the vending machine since she knew you would want some when she got back to you.

“Couldn’t they put in a few more vending machines?” Kugisaki asked in an irritated tone, as she bent down to collect her drink from the takeout port before turning around to look at her classmate, who was standing behind her.

“They can’t. There are only so many workers who can come in here,” Fushiguro answered, as he turned to look at her only for the female to turn back around to place more money into the coin slot. “What else are you buying?” Fushiguro asked since he knew that Kugisaki as well as himself didn’t know what the upperclassmen wanted - that was usually your job.

“Gojo really likes orange juice, so I wanted to buy her some since she did train with all of us, I bet she’s still sleeping,” Kugisaki commented before contemplating if you wanted to bottle or carton version of the citrus juice since she didn’t know if you always bought the carton one on purpose.

However, before she could come to the conclusion on what you probably wanted, she noticed from the corner of her eye that there were two people standing at the other side of the outdoor hallway they were at. From what she can observe, it seemed like those two people were from Jujutsu Tech due to their uniforms as the male had what seemed to be an angry expression while the other student - who looked similar to Zenin Maki - had a sly smile on her face.

“What are you doing here, Zenin-senpai?” Fushiguro asked in confusion since he wasn’t expecting anyone from Kyoto Metropolitan Curse Technical College to come to their side.

“Oh, she’s one, too?” Kugisaki queried while turning her head to look at Fushiguro before continuing with, “They do seem similar, are they sisters?” as she turned back to look at the female student to get a closer look at her.

“They’re twins,” Fushiguro answered quickly.

“Don’t call me that, Fushiguro-kun. You make me sound the same as Maki, call me Mai,” Mai stated, as she gave the two Tokyo students a wink.

“So there are the pinch hitters for Okkotsu and the third-years?” the male student stated with a hostile tone while glaring at them with a look of pure disappointment.

“We came here with the principal because we were worried about you. Your classmate died, right? Was that rough? Or did you think nothing of it?” Mai asked with the smirk still painted on her face, leading Fushiguro and Kugisaki to tense at her sudden but somewhat offensive questions.

“What are you trying to say?” Fushiguro asked tensely, as he suddenly felt a slight bit of annoyance building up in his stomach.

“It’s okay, some things are hard to say out loud, so I’ll say it for you,” Mai amusingly stated before proceeding, “‘Vessel’ makes it sound nice, but it means he was a half-curse monster. Having such a tainted, inhuman being beside you brazenly calling himself a jujutsu sorcerer must have been revolting right? Aren’t you feeling better now that he’s dead?”. However, her questions only lead to extremely vexed expressions appearing on both of the Tyoko student’s faces.

“Mai, don’t bring up such pointless topics, I’m only here to see if these guys are fit to take Okkotsu’s place, that’s all I want to know,” the large male declared as he took a few steps forwards before throwing his school jacket to the side, leading to the shikigami sorcerer to tense up once again as he began to worry what was about to happen.

“Fushiguro, was it?” the large male asked before shouting in a proud manner…

“What kind of woman is your type?”

Suddenly perplexed, Fushiguro as well as Kugisaki, shifted their heads to the side simultaneously to convey their unexpected confusion to the two Tokyo students especially to the male that had just asked the weird as well as absurd question.

“Depending on your answer, I’ll beat you half to death right here and drag Okkotsu, or at least the third-years, out to the exchange event,” the large Kyoto student threatened as he processed to unexpectedly and violently ripped his purple shirt into shreds, showcasing his large muscular upper body before positioning himself in his usual fighting stance as he then suddenly announced, “by the way, my type is a tall woman with a big ass!”.

“Why do I have to talk about my taste in women with a guy I just met?” Fushiguro annoyingly asked as he began to express an irritated expression on his face at the Kyoto student that suddenly declared a fight out of nowhere.

“He’s right. That’s a tall hurdle for an antisocial guy,” Kugisaki unintentionally comedically commented, as she pointed at her stoic classmate, leading Fushiguro to express a more vexed expression.

“You be quiet. This is confusing enough already. You’ll just make it more complicated,” Fushiguro mentioned as an irked mark became more visible on his right cheek, displaying his displeasure on what was happening right now.

“Kyoto, third-year, Todo Aoi,” the Kyoto Tech sorcerer introduced himself. “Introduction over,” Todo announced as he then continued by saying, “now we’re friends. Hurry up and answer, if you prefer men, that’s fine too,”.

“A person’s fetishes reflect everything about them,” Todo explained, indicating the reason why he was asking his laughable question in the first place. “People with boring taste in women are boring people themselves,” Todo passionately proclaimed, as if he was presenting a speech to the whole of Japan at this moment in time before he exclaimed, “I hate boring men.”

“And I hate drags like you”

Turning his head slightly to view what was going on behind him, Todo managed to get a glimpse of a person that was right behind his school mate. A female standing with her hands in her pockets with what seemed to be a katana hanging horizontally unlike Okkotsu, who had his vertically, with a nonchalant expression painted on her face.

“Also your drag ass friend, she has quite a big mouth for a Grade three sorcerer from what I can sense, is this what I’m really fighting against Fushiguro?” you asked before you started to walk past the other sorcerer as you made your way to the vending machine to grab the drinks that the second-years usually requested when they made you run errands during a break from training.

“Gojo! You’re awake?” Kugisaki asked as she smiled at you before quickly mentioning there was money already in the machine since she was planning to get you your drink.

“You heard everything?” Fushiguro questioned as he turned his view to you, only to discover you pressing on the button that correlated to the carton of orange juice as you mentioned to Kugisaki that you were going to pay her back before turning your head to look at your other classmate.

“Yeah, I heard everything. You guys are loud and to be honest, both of them need to shut up, they’re such drags,” you muttered disrespectfully since you could tell they were at least a year or two years above you in the academic year.

However, it seemed like your insult didn’t stop Todo from explaining his passion for people’s preferences in a partner as he continued to declare his speech with pride, much to your complete dismay.

“As I was saying, the exchange event is where my soul can be free as blood boils and flesh clashes, who knows what I might do if my last exchange event ends up boring me?” Todo rhetorically questioned as he maintained his fighting stance as if he was ready to pounce within a  second with a confident smile on his face.

‘Shut up...I have to meet with Gojo-sensei later and I don’t want a massive headache to come in before it becomes worse when I see him’

“Hey, aren’t the Jujutsu Tech schools four-year schools?” Kugisaki asked in an unsure manner as she turned to look at Fushiguro since she was trying to take note from you on what drinks to buy in case you weren’t able to for the seniors. However, she was confused about why Todo mentioned that this was going to be his last exchange event when he was a thrid-year.

“Only third-years and under can join the exchange event,” Fushiguro quickly answered Kugisaki’s question as she then let out an understandable ‘Hmm’ to inform her classmate that she acknowledged what he had just told her before swiftly turning back to notice that you had brought a cold water bottle for what seemed to be for Zenin (Maki) since you and her were looking at your phone to see a note displayed on the screen.

“As a show of kindness, I’ll let you off only half-dead right now,” Todo threatened again before repeating the weird question that instinctively started this whole situation, “answer me, Fushiguro. What kind of woman is your type?”

“Is this some kind of comedy routine?” the shikigami user angrily asked, as he increasingly got annoyed at what was happening right now and was confused on why he was picked in the first place.

“Don’t get into a fight, I seriously can’t be bothered to use any reverse cursed technique to heal your wounds if you do and we need to get back to training soon,” you stated before pressing on the last button for the last drink that was needed to be given for Inumaki when you get back.

However, it seemed as if both of your classmates didn’t listen to you since Kugisaki was now observing the other student behind Todo due to her uniform. “Is that your summer uniform?” Kugisaki asked in a light tone, as she admired the outfit before continuing with “ticks me off, but it’s nice”.

“Are you both even listening?” you muttered in annoyance before grabbing the small bag - that you kept from the time you went to your mother’s grave - in the pocket of your nylon cargo pants to place the drinks after you had got them from the dispenser since you didn't want to struggle to carry them.

Looking to his side, Fushiguro looked at his classmate as he began to analyse the situation that was currently going on. From what he could gather, Kugisaki was unarmed and didn’t have her usual hammer with her like she normally did meaning he was wanting to avoid any confrontation that could happen at this moment in time, while you were armed with your usual katana, yet he didn’t want to risk you revealing your true identity to the Kyoto students - not like he really had to worry about that.

‘Not forgiving people isn’t a bad thing. That’s just part of your kindness, isn’t it?’

That’s what his sister said to him once.

“I don’t have a particular preference, as long as she has unshakeable character, I won’t ask for more,” Fushiguro answered, to which you were surprised since you predicted that he wasn’t the type to reveal that sort of information. On the other hand, it seemed like Mai was pleased with the answer as she smiled sweetly at the boy causing you to shudder.

‘Ain’t...they like….family…?’

“Not a bad answer, if you had said something like ‘big boobs,’ I’d have killed you,” Kugisaki mentioned with a please expression on her face since she was relieved at the fact Fushiguro wasn’t suggestive like the Kyoto student in front of you three right now.

“Shut up,” Fushiguro muttered in an irritated tone.

However, it seemed like not everyone was pleased with his answer, as a tear was shed on a cheek.

“I knew it...You’re boring, Fushiguro,” Todo stated in a depressed manner before swiftly pushing himself to swing Fushiguro violently outside the hallway you were standing.

“DIDN’T I SAY NOT TO GET INTO FIGHTS, YOU DRAG?!” you screamed, as you turned your head to the direction where Fushiguro was struck away.

“FUSHIGURO!” Kugisaki panicked as she began to rush to his aid before a pair of arms was wrapped around her to halt her movement.

“Poor Fushiguro-kun, even a talented second-grade jujutsu sorcerer is nothing more than a first-year against the top-grade Todo-senpai, I’ll have to comfort him later,” Mai expressed with a sickly-sweet tone. However, you already had something to say.

“That may be true, but your Todo-senpai is nothing against a special-grade,” you mentioned with a smirk on your face, causing the female sorcerer to look towards you with widened eyes before suddenly remembering what Kugisaki called you by.

“Gojo…” Mai stuttered.

“Gojo, I’m okay! Just make sure Fushiguro is,” Kugisaki said to you with a proud smile on her face, causing you to drop the bag that you had in hand before quickly untying the red charm that was at the end of your katana.

‘I don’t need to unsheathe my katana, but I can’t use any of my curse spells to restrain him, so the chain will have to do’

“Hold this for me!” you shouted as you swiftly tossed the charm in her direction to which she caught easily since her arms still had movement before you rushed towards the scene where Fushiguro and Todo was.

‘This is such a drag right now…’ you thought, as you made it outside to find Fushiguro kneeling on the ground with a few new scratches on his face as well as his now stained blue track. However, it seemed as if Todo wasn’t done with his first attack since he was talking towards the Tokyo student like he was his prey.

On the other hand, you didn’t seem to care as you looked at him with an annoyed expression - even though you knew it wasn’t his fault. “Didn’t I say not to get into any fights? I can’t be bothered to use any reversed cursed techniques right now and I don’t want to bother Shoko-san since I need to train with her to know how to use it properly!” you raged, yet once again, it seemed like both of the male sorcerer’s weren’t listening to you.

“I knew at first glance that you were a boring guy, but you shouldn’t judge a person by their looks, right?” Todo questioned rhetorically again, causing the flames of rage to increase inside your soul since this situation was getting a little too similar to the one back at the detention centre.

“So I went out of my way to ask you, but you just trampled on my kindness,” Todo whined with a pout on his face while wiping the dripping tears that continued to fall.

“Is your brain as pineapple as your head?” Fushiguro insulted, as he gave the senior a weirded-out look.

“You’re the one to talk, hedgehog!” you screamed in annoyance since you were getting frustrated at the fact that no one was listening to you.

“I heard you don’t use cursed techniques.” Fushiguro randomly mentioned as he got up on his feet causing you to look at him with a death glare as well as suddenly being curious about what he meant by ‘don’t use cursed techniques’.

“Huh? Oh, that’s rumour’s false, I used them against the special-grade,” Todo plainly stated like it was an everyday face before raising his arm to wave his hand side to side as if to ‘slap’ away the rumours that were going on about him before continuing with, “but I heard rumours going around about a girl that went toe-to-toe with Sukuna, she was fighting with you right? Where is she?”

‘MAYBE THE GIRL THAT IS BEHIND YOU, SHOUTING AT YOU DRAGS!’

“That’s a relief to hear!” Fushiguro declared as if he was confident, causing you to look at him enraged with fury.

“THAT IS NOT A RELIEF TO HEAR, YOU DRAG!” you screamed, as you were now handing on an extremely thin piece of thread that was going to snap any second, leading you to attack both of them if this got out of hand.

However, once again, Fushiguro and Todo didn’t listen to you for one second as the shikigami sorcerer began to signal his shikigami to appear with the familiar hand-sign of ‘Nue’ back with you fought with him against Sukuna and ‘Gama’ from when you were training with him - yet, you were completely perplexed on what he had combined when both together.

Suddenly, a familiar shadow began to swiftly emerge from the ground before it suddenly took form into something you didn’t really expect from the Ten-Shadow Technique sorcerer.

“Frogs with wings?” you muttered, as you stared at the sight in complete surprise since you didn’t expect to see a few frogs with wings appearing in front of you - you never thought you see something like this in your life, to be honest.

“Bottomless Well!” Fushiguro chanted before a few of the frogs croaked in response causing you to stare that the creature in a now unreadable expression.

‘They will be weaker than their counterpart shikigami but they do have many benefits....didn’t Gojo-sensei mention something about the Kamo’s family?’

On the other hand, it seemed like your future opponent in the exchange event didn’t seem so nervous about the technique. Of course, from what you remembered from training as well as some knowledge that you had gained just from seeing one movement from Todo, you had come to the conclusion that he was a close-range fighter, probably had some experience with weapons since it would be foolish if a fighter didn’t have any sense it was a risk of them just having knowledge with their hands.

However, before you could even continue to gain more knowledge just by looking at the back of the well muscular sorcerer, there was a quick shift in the air causing you to snap out of your trance only to find Todo behind suddenly behind Fushiguro as he processed to wrap his arms around your classmate’s waist.

“Flimsy and shallow...Both your body and your taste in women!” Todo shouted before lifting Fushiguro upwards like he weighed nothing before aggressively smashing his headfirst into the ground behind him, causing you to discover how flexible the Kyoto student was before he suddenly jumped up into the air to give his opponent a punch, only for Fushiguro to dodge just in time, yet that didn’t seem to last since the second he moved away to gain some distance, he was violently smacked with a fist.

“Fushiguro!” you shouted, before quickly forcing the soles of your sheet to push your body forward to an extreme length, just in time to get in between both of the male sorcerers that were fully ignoring you since the moment you entered into the conversation to grab the drinks.

“Gojo!” Fushiguro yelled out in a panic since he was extremely worried that you were now taking a hit for him.

However, it seemed like Todo was now suddenly the one that was worried since his incoming punch seemed to hit something really small since it didn’t cover all his knuckles, yet it didn’t break like he thought it would, causing him to let the debris slowly clear away as his eyes began to notice the sight of a sleek black wooden scabbard standing vertically from the ground halting his extremely large fist, while you were kneeling down behind it, holding the handle with an extremely displeased look on your face with Fushiguro behind you as your other hand had a grip on the collar of his blue track jacket.

“You know Fushiguro, you are full of surprises but a complete drag when it comes to not listening to me,” you muttered, before slowly letting go of his collar as your turned your now free hand to face Kyoto Student in front of you, who was looking down at you with a shocked expression on his face.

“Todo Aoi right? You see, Gojo-sensei asked me to meet up with him and I don’t want a headache since I know he’s gonna give me one later, so I’ll see you later okay?” you sinisterly stated, before opening your palm to him as you slowly bend your middle finger towards you while placing your thumb on top of it, right on the nail.

“That looks like a nice construction sight,” you nonchalantly mentioned as you looked up at the wooden structure behind you before speedily flicking out your middle finger, causing Todo’s body to suddenly be pushed back with an extremely large force of cursed energy leading to the wooden panels to instantly break once his body made contact before you assumed his body landed on the wooden flooring that was above since you couldn’t see him anymore.

“Gojo…” Fushiguro muttered in shock as he didn’t expect something like that to happen before he noticed the same hand that flicked his opponent away was coming towards him with the same gesture. 

Flicking his forehead gently, you turned to look at him with a straight face before you used the same palm to let your cursed energy become slowly positive with some concentration to heal his wound that was on his head.

“It’s not much since I haven’t perfected it yet, but it will deal with the blood loss before you go to Shoko-san, you drag” you commented before sighing.

‘There was no need for me to remove the charm after all, but that’s enough for me to gain information for the event’

“Megumi! Y/N!” someone shouted, causing you both to look up only to find your second-year seniors Inumaki and Panda looking down below you to where you remembered flicking Todo towards, leading you to assume that they went to where there was the most ruckus was happening. However, next to Panda was Todo, who smirked down at the sight of both of you below.

“Fushiguro, let’s train our hardest okay?” you muttered, so only your classmate could hear, leading him to look at your with confused eyes before you turned to him with a smile, “you’re really strong, but I know you and Kugisaki can get stronger, so just follow me when I need you to okay?” you asked, before standing up on your feet once you managed to stop the blood loss from Fushiguro’s head.

“Panda-senpai! Inumaki-senpai! Can you take Fushiguro to Shoko-san, Gojo-sensei said he needs me for a discussion, I assume Maki-san is with Kugisaki!” you yell out.

“Salmon!” Inuamki shouted back before all of the three sorcerers were out of your sights, causing you to turn back to Fushiguro before giving your hand to him to help himself up.

‘Grade-one Todo Aoi and grade-three Zenin Mai ha?’

                                          ꕥ

“Ah Y/N, my daughter there you are!” Gojo cheered in delight once he saw you on the other side of the sliding door before you decided to step in since it was left open, to who you assumed was your adoptive dad that opened it earlier for his own reason.

“Excuse me,” you muttered before taking a quick glance around the room before noticing that there were only two more people with you and Gojo right now. From a side glance, you noticed a girl, probably the same age as you or maybe a year older at the latest, with long blue hair with a slightly slanted fridge wearing a suit that seemed to suit her really well even if her youthful and adorable face. 

‘A semi grade two? No..maybe three like Mai…’

However, as your eyes shifted to the sight on the opposite side where Gojo was seated, there was an old man seated while holding onto a wooden cane, who seemed to be somewhere in his late 80s but you wouldn’t tell since he seemed too hollow for you liking, yet something about him gave you an off-putting feeling.

“I wanted to tell you about the two special-grade curses that attacked me the other day,” Gojo happily mentioned with a smile on his face, causing you to look at him with a confused expression since he seemed too happy for someone that got attacked.

“Why do you look so happy? That should be the opposite reaction Gojo-sensei,” you remarked, as you made your way towards him only for his response to be a little pout.

“How many times do I have to tell you? You can call me your dad,” Gojo childishly whined.

“Never,” you shut down his offer as quickly as you could before uttering him to tell you about the special curses he wanted to inform you about, only for him to suddenly pull out a piece of paper with two childish drawings on them, causing you to look at the art in a fed-up manner before snatching it off his hand to get a closer look at the curses that he masterfully drew.

“As I said before, the two cursed spirits were capable of communication and they probably have allies who are just as strong,” Gojo declared in a serious manner, causing you to shiver at the 180-degree personality turn that he had done right in front of you. 

“It’s not just our enemies, either. Hakari, Okkotsu, your Todo and now my daughter Gojo. The level of our students has risen drastically in recent years, as well,” Gojo stated as he stared at the old man before he processed with, “then there was last year’s incident with Geto Suguru and now, the appearance of Sukuna’s vessel,”.

“What are you trying to say?” the old man asked, as he looked at your adoptive father with an expressionless look on his face (not that you could ever tell if there was any expression in the first place).

“Hehe, you don’t know? The wave of power you guys have been trying to hold back with your pointless status and traditions has grown bigger than you can handle and is now descending upon us. You won’t be able to measure the coming age with the classification of ‘special grade’ if you think I’m the only one who’ll be fighting back, you’re going to get hurt, old man,” Gojo declared with a smirk on his face as he felt the presence of the realisation that was coming to you now.

‘That man...was the reason why…..Itadori….’

“I think you are getting a bit out of line,” the old man lightly threatened in a lower tone as he glared at the sorcerer in front of him.

“I think it’s you that’s getting out of line,” you muttered in vexation as you glared down hostility at the man sitting on the opposite side of the table as the paper that you were holding began to crumble in your grasp. “If you get to kill someone by using me as a tool, let me return the favour next time with your head,” you threatened in a spiteful manner causing the old man to look at you with the same hollow eyes as he did with Gojo.

“Oh! Scary! Well, that's all I wanted to say, I’ll be going now with my daughter,” Gojo mentioned, as he got up from his seat before placing his hands on each of your upper arms to push you towards the direction of the door, before guiding himself through that gap that was left open.

“Oh, Principal Yaga will be coming in about two hours. Later!” Gojo departed cheekily, before closing the door as he then guided you away from the room the higher-up was in since he knew you were in a state of shock at the discovery you had made about your deceased classmate: Itadori Yuji.

‘Those higher-ups are so useless, all they do is command other sorcerers to do their dirty work while acting if they are superior dear. If I could, I would kill all of them’

‘Mother….’

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[nctsworld]

reigniting

✩ mark x reader | dance au | enemies to lovers | car s*x | smut | fluff | 1.6k

SUMMARY ⇾ your hate for your dance captain (and ex-best friend) melts and evolves into something more for the night. WARNINGS‌ ‌⇾‌ smut (near the end), car s*x, swearing, angst in backstory RATING ⇾ mature FOR ⇾ @markleesflathead​ 

AUTHOR’S NOTE ⇾ yes i’m bitter that most of my fics in ask form don’t show up in tag so i might have to post them as individual fics hhh || @markleesflathead​ idk how this ended up into car s*x but i’m sorry if it isn’t what you really expected slkfmd also i’m v flattered to be one of your fave writers *_* thanks for the bday wishes!!

“I missed this.”

Mark suddenly says into the air after catching his breath from all the laughing he just did. With the hand that’s been resting on the steering wheel since he parked the car fifteen minutes ago, he swipes his thumb against it.

Your laughter subsides too, turning your head in the passenger seat to get a good look at him.

The closest street lamp isn’t near enough to cast a light to see all his features clearly, but you don’t need much lighting to see the waver behind his bespectacled face, nor the way his Adam’s apple bobs.

“I missed you,” he whispers softly, then matches your eyes with a tilt of his head.

The beginning was simple. You and Mark, best friends since middle school, about to attend the same university and were going to do everything together, including extracurriculars.

Which included the university’s main competitive hip-hop dance team, since both of you were on your high school’s too.

From what you heard from upperclassmen, every year, the team offered at least five spots open. Of course, Mark and you were confident in yourselves and each other to make the team.

But during your first year, only one spot was available on the team.

The straining of your friendship began to slowly occur, since you saw less of each other in order to train more individually for the auditions.

And when the auditions happened, there was a new tension between Mark and you. Still friends, but competitiveness was a prevalent wall between you two.

The wall grew larger, tangled with vines of jealousy and bitterness, when Mark received the spot, not you.

Both parties tried hard to keep the friendship afloat, but it eventually came crashing down.

“You’re just fucking jealous that I got in and you didn’t.”

“Yeah,” you said. “and I should be, because I’m the better dancer.”

“As if.” he scoffed. He spat out the next words venomously—

“If you were better they would’ve chose you, but you’ve just never been as good of a dancer as me.”

That was the last time you spoke to Mark... for a while, at least.  

When second year came by, you decided to prove him wrong and obtain a spot on the team. Successfully, you did, but partway through the term, the captain dropped out and, to your dismay, Mark was given captaincy.

Fast-forward to today, Mark constantly gave you shit during practices and you knew it was personal.

Sure, you could’ve quit, but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. However, you always did wonder why he didn’t decide to kick you off the team when he had the power to do so.

Following one practice, Mark ordered you to come by the studio on a separate night for a talk. He claimed it to be extra training, but you were mentally prepared for him to finally remove you from the team.

However, you were wrong and the unexpected happened—the wall between you two began to crumble. The hostile professionalism during the extra session grew into an area of familiarity, remnants of a lost friendship. After the session, Mark swallowed his pride and apologized about what he said back then, even offering to take you out to dinner.

During the meal, both of you caught each other up on the last year or so, and at the end of the night, Mark drove you home.

Laughing, smiling, and talking with you like the last couple of years were a nightmare faded into nothingness.

And you didn’t mind it, because you missed him too.

But instead of telling him that, you nibble on your bottom lip and rock your head forward with a small smile.

Continuing the conversation from where you left off, after Mark agreed to stop giving you such a hard time during practice, you say, “Can I ask you to stop doing one more thing during practice?”

“What’s up?”

“Please, for the love of God,” you say with your hands clasped in a prayer. “Stop rolling your shirt sleeves up, it’s terribly distracting.”

A hearty chuckle escapes from Mark, leaning his head back into the headrest. “Why is it distracting?”

“You know why!” you exclaim, beaming. “I know you do it on purpose!”

He cocks an eyebrow playfully. “And why would I do that?”

Rolling your eyes, you reply, "Because I know the oh-so humble Mark Lee still loves it when he gets attention."

The driver runs his tongue over the bottom of his teeth in a smirk, hand still on the steering wheel.

"And what about you?” he retorts. “You must still have a thing for arms if you think it's distracting."

You gasp inaudibly, unsure of how he could still remember that tidbit after all these years, and you twist your upper body to inch near him, glaring at him accusingly. "Is that why you do it?"

"Maybe, maybe not..." he shrugs nonchalantly. Leaning closer to you, parroting your stance, he adds in a teasing whisper along with a squint of his eyes.

"You'll never know."

There’s a passing beat as your eyes lock, one that carries the weight of the years of loving each other as friends, hating each other as enemies, working together as dancers, and everything in between.

A moment of connection that represents what everything has been working towards to for a long time, even if you never thought you’d have the chance to ever have Mark in your life again.

His look falters for a millisecond, flicking to your lips, then straight back to your eyes as if he shouldn’t have done that.

The corner of your mouth lifts slightly.

"Are you going to kiss me, Mark,” you whisper daringly. “or are you going to keep staring?"

You’re awfully aware of both of your breathing. Yours, heavy and wanting. His, light and barely existent.

"How do you know I wanna kiss you?" he croaks, a small crack in his voice underlying his question.

Because maybe a little part of you always wondered what it’d be like for Mark Lee to want to kiss you since you were kids—for him to send you that anxious starry-eyed yearning that could send your heart into cardiac arrest.

And now, from first-hand experience, you know it really does.  

You hold your breath and question back—

"Am I wrong?”

The tension in the air snaps. He’s fast to cup your cheeks and crash his mouth into yours. Soft lips move in tandem with yours as you rest your hands on his shoulders, lightly tugging at his body.

The first, tender kiss is quickly thrown aside, along with your shirts. The desire escalates immensely and you’re suddenly straddling him in the driver’s seat, now pushed back to give extra room for both individuals.

"Should we slow down?" you ask offhandedly at one point while Mark’s mouth leaves a hot trail down the side of your neck. At the same time, his fingers glide and grip onto your bare waist, making their way to grasp your breasts.

Mark jerks away from your neck and carefully caresses the back of your head. "Do you want to?"

"Mm-mm,” you hurriedly shake your head and drag him into another strong kiss.

The exciting rush continues to run through both bodies present. When you return to the passenger seat momentarily to rid of your pants, Mark shimmies his bottoms and briefs down to his ankles and pulls a condom from his glove compartment.

“How often do you have car sex?” you joke, straddling him once again after he wraps himself.

In his reclined position, Mark looks up and scans your body quickly, both indulging in your natural beauty and in disbelief that you are here with him right now, after all these years.

“Hey, a guy’s gotta be safe—fuck, God.”

All quips and logic are thrown out the window when you sit on his length.

You have one hand pressed against his defined stomach, the other on the car ceiling. Bouncing with no end in sight, you allow the pleasure to enrapture your senses. Muffled whimpers reverberate against the inner side of your wrist as you feel him deeply with every movement.

On the other hand, Mark tries his best to keep his focus on you, but the intensity breaks him down. He groans in pace with your moving body, and he tightens his hold on your waist.

“Mark—” you cry. You rip your hand from the car roof and, without thought, frantically push it against the driver’s window, smudging the frost that all your collective breathing conjured up. You’re surprisingly already coming undone, and so is your lover beneath you.

“I’m close,” he pants thickly. His hazy gaze attempts to meet your half-lidded eyes, but you’re losing control. All you can do is barely nod and as you’re about to bounce more vigorously, Mark releases your waist and raises himself upward, clutching your back and neck to lock lips fiercely with yours.

You barely can thrust against him, but you don’t need to at this point, because the kiss is simply enough to draw out his climax.

You’re pulled back to reality after a few moments, panting with your foreheads tipped against one another.

“And to counter your question from before,” Mark grins, still breathing heavily. “I’ll only stop rolling my sleeves up during practice if you stop tying your shirt up to show off your waist.”

You try to stifle a smirk, but it can’t be helped. You reply to him with a flutter of the tip of your nose against his.

“No deal, captain.”

nctsworld’s birthday week celebration!

[sunflowershouto]

mango (asahi azumane x reader)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: who knew that something so simple could mean so much?

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff, pure brainrot 𝐚/𝐧: i really have no excuse for this, i just love asahi a lot. this is complete self indulgence and i hope you enjoy it -leo

𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐎

‧₊˚✩彡.

The bell for lunch was about to ring, but all you could focus on was the boy in front of you.

He was drumming his fingers against his desk and tapping his foot erratically, the nerves practically radiating off of him. He seemed anxious, but what was there to be so nervous about on the very first day of school?

You watched him with a curious smile as you pulled your tupperware out of your backpack, flipping open the lid as the bell rang and dismissed your first year class to lunch.

“Excuse me,” you called, tapping him lightly on the shoulder. “What’s your name?”

“Huh? Me?” He seemed surprised that you had even addressed him, and you supposed that you couldn’t blame him.

You recognized him from middle school, but you’d always been reserved; your personal resolution for high school was to make new friends and not be such a shut-in, and you figured you could start with him. You nodded, giving him a small smile.

“I’m Azumane Asahi,” he told you, smiling back although he was clearly still occupied by whatever was on his mind.

“I’m L/N Y/N. If you don’t mind me asking, why are you so…”

“Nervous?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck. When you nodded in response he let out a shaky sigh. “I’m trying out for the volleyball club after school today. The upperclassmen are terrifying... ”

“I’m sure you’ll be great!” you assured him, your smile growing. “I remember watching you play in middle school! You’re awesome!”

“Ah, you really think so?” he asked, a small glimmer of confidence emerging in his eyes as he picked up on your enthusiasm. “I hope you’re right. I really want to play.”

“You’ve got this! Oh… Here!”

You pulled another tupperware out of your bag, flipping open the lid before passing it towards him, it’s contents glistening under the classroom lights. Smooth, sweet slices of mango were neatly packed into the container.

“Want some mango? It always makes me feel better when I’m upset!”

“Yeah… Thanks!”

‧₊˚✩彡.

“Azumane! How’d it go?” you asked as soon as the shaggy-haired boy sat down in front of you that morning, your eyes shining bright with curiosity.

“It went really well!” he told you, turning around in his seat so he could face your desk. “I guess the mango really did help.”

“I told you it would! Do you have practice again today?”

“Mhm. Oh, uh… I don’t really know how it works, but our captain says that we need first year managers.” He glanced at you hesitantly, trying to gauge your response.

“Wait- You mean me? I dunno… I don’t think I’d be any good at that,” you reply, waving your hands as if to dismiss the idea.

“You would! C’mon, you can talk to our manager tomorrow! And if you’re nervous, I’ll bring you some mango.”

‧₊˚✩彡.

“Hey… Don’t be scared. You got this.” Your tone was sure and steady as you gazed up at your best friend, your hands on his shoulders. “Who cares what their blockers are like? I know you can break through.” Asahi nodded, though the knot in his chest still refused to let up. He hated being blocked, and that was pretty much all Date Tech was known for. What if he failed? What if he was the reason that the third-years never got to play again?

“You’re gonna be amazing. Okay?”

“Okay.” He reached up to cover your hands with his own, squeezing them lightly. Usually being so close to you would send his mind spiralling, but it really was hard to be scared when you were looking at him like that—like you thought he held the world in his hands.

‧₊˚✩彡.

The game was a disaster. Asahi hadn’t landed a single spike, and Karasuno was faced with a crushing defeat. It wasn’t easy for anyone, but you could tell that Asahi was taking it the hardest, that he was blaming himself more than anyone.

It didn’t take you long to find him; he was still at the school even after you’d returned from the store, huddled up alone in the club room.

“Asahi?” you called, knocking softly on the doorframe. “Can I come in?”

Your heart broke at the way that he wiped his eyes before turning to face you, smiling even though he clearly didn’t mean it. “Y-Yeah. Of course.”

You moved to sit next to him, setting the grocery bag down and tucking your knees up to your chest in a mirror of his posture. “It wasn’t your fault, you know,” you told him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He just shook his head, staring down at his hands as he fidgeted, now unwilling to meet your gaze. “Yes it was,” he murmured, struggling not to get choked up again. “Everyone was counting on me and I- I couldn’t do it. I’m supposed to be the ace and I couldn’t land a single point, Y/N. Not one.”

“It’s just one game,” you reminded him. “And you have all of next year too.”

“The third years don’t. It wasn’t just one game for them—they’re done for good, and it’s my fault.” The tears were welling back up again, but he couldn’t stop them this time, helpless as they forged their path down the sides of his face.

“Hey- Hey, I brought you something,” you told him, cupping his face in one hand while the other reached into the grocery bag. You retrieved a small plastic container, sealed with a sticker, and Asahi only cried harder when he realized what was inside.

“Want some mango?”

He nodded, jaw quivering as you opened the container and offered it to him. Gently, he took it from your hands and set it aside, before pulling you close and burying his face in your shoulder.

“Shhh…” you hushed him softly, running your hand through his hair, the other rubbing circles into his back. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

‧₊˚✩彡.

“Aren’t you supposed to get girls flowers?” Tanaka asked, raising an eyebrow at what Asahi was holding.

“Shut up!” Suga snapped, slapping the back of his head. “I think it’s perfect!”

“Are you sure she’ll say yes? Oh, God, I shouldn’t do this!”

“She’s coming!” Daichi told them, grabbing Tanaka and Noya by the backs of their jackets and herding everyone out of the gym. “Good luck, Azumane!”

“R-Right…” Asahi sighed, shoulders slumping. He stared intently down at the small plate in his hands, and the note that he held with it. Was this stupid? Maybe, but it was definitely too late to change course, and Daichi had threatened extra diving drills if he chickened out.

Finally, he heard your footsteps approaching, and he hurriedly smoothed back any stray hairs and adjusted his posture, his heart hammering in his chest with each step you took.

You poked your head in through the gym doors, glancing around only to find the team missing. The gymnasium was quiet, and only one person stood at the center of the court, sunbeams falling around his feet and casting the floor in gold.

“Uh… Where is everyone? Isn’t practice supposed to be starting?” you asked, glancing over to Asahi.

“Uh, actually, Y/N… There was something I wanted to ask you.”

You finally noticed the plate in his hand (and how anxious he seemed) and stepped over to him, tilting your head. “Yeah? What’s up?”

You didn’t want to get your hopes up, but you were slowly beginning to narrow down the possibilities of what this could be about, and there was one option that stood out in your mind. Could he be…?

“Crap… How do I say this? I’ve liked you for a long time, I mean, kind of since first year, to be honest—and I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how different things are gonna be after we graduate, and how much things are gonna change. But I don’t want things between us to change. Well- Actually, I do. Which is kind of the point of what I’m about to ask you, so… Uh. Look, Y/N... ” His eyes were glowing in the sunlight like pools of honey as he held the plate out towards you, slices of golden fruit carefully arranged in a heart shape.

“Want some mango?”

“Asahi, put the plate down,” you told him, voice watered down by tears. He did as instructed, and as soon as his hands were free, you jumped up into his arms, smiling so hard you thought your face would split open.

‧₊˚✩彡.

Cicadas hummed in the distance and the sun peaked out from behind rolling, pillowy, white clouds. Spring was on its way out, leaving brilliant blossoms and silk-soft grass in its wake.

You’d lost track of how long you and Asahi had been sitting in the grass, letting the world pass you by in comfortable, easy silence. You were tucked carefully beneath one of his arms, your head on his chest as you tracked the steady rise and fall of his breathing.

You were drunk off of the whispering of the breeze overhead and the sweetness that still lingered on your tongue, the last remnants of the mango you’d shared with Asahi just a few moments ago.

You’d thought him to be asleep, so you were surprised when his chest rumbled to life against your ear, his next words also tinged with that remaining sweetness.

“I love you.” You hummed softly, curling closer against him. “I love you too.”

‧₊˚✩彡.

“You look beautiful,” Kiyoko assured you as she clasped your necklace at the nape of your neck, careful not to disturb your hair or dress.

“Thank you,” you murmured, gazing into the mirror again. You almost didn’t recognize yourself in your wedding attire, but it was a good feeling, laced with excitement and anticipation.

“Are you nervous?” Shimizu stepped aside, filing through her box of hair products and various accessories as she searched for something.

“A little,” you replied honestly, letting out a soft sigh. “But mostly excited.”

A knock at the door to your dressing room got your attention, and you looked over as Noya stepped in.

“Yuu?” you asked, carefully setting down your bouquet. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah! Perfect, actually! But Asahi wanted me to give you this.” He handed you a small tupperware container and a notecard before heading back to Asahi’s prep room.

The gift from Asahi was tied on with a yellow, velvety ribbon, and you were careful not to tug too hard on it as you unfastened it, pulling it gently away. The lid came off easily, and you felt a rush of warmth come over you as you were met with three perfect slices of mango, packed carefully side by side.

When you flipped over the notecard, it read:

I’m nervous too. Want some mango?

‧₊˚✩彡.

[chilligyu]

info: lee jihoon/gender neutral reader, pg, best friends to lovers au genre: fluff, romance | word ct: 5.5k warnings: none summary: when it came to love, no one was prepared. not even jihoon, who could spend hours turning words into magic, especially when love was mysteriously delivered in the form of a letter to his locker. note: heavily inspired by to all the boys I've loved before, but with a twist! no love triangles or anything like that, so just enjoy awkward people falling in love! and thank you to @dreamystuffers and @starlightjoong for taking a sneak peek and telling me what you think!

tagging: @xfirebenderx, @moriiyun, @ohmygoshcheese, @gyu-log

Lee Jihoon, a genius in many ways, was never good when it came to words. At least, not the spoken kind. The kind that you had to think up on the spot, responses, answers, comebacks, small talk, he was absolutely terrible at it. But if you gave him the time to think, to really dwell on his thoughts, he could create something truly beautiful. Which was why he preferred to express his feelings with letters. And while, yes, he could pen something magnificent, the next great classic novel perhaps, he typically kept his messages short and to the point. Much like the man himself.

There was one time that he wrote a “letter” that was simply—

F U C K Y O U

—printed out on seven separate sheets of paper and taped to a row of lockers. All in response to a teacher confiscating his iPod. No one could prove it was him, though, and nothing happened in response to it. He never admitted to his crimes, and despite it being painfully obvious who the author of the message was, there was no hard proof pointing to the culprit. It became the most well-known secret at their high school. And Lee Jihoon became somewhat of a living legend because of it.

The only one who knew the truth was you. His best friend. You were his go-to when it came to proof reading all of his letters. He was the writer, you were the editor. Half the time you were also a berating parent, chastising him for trying to assault people with words. Which was also why, more often than not, his letters never got sent. He would sit in his room for hours, writing letters that were either half the length of novels or only a few sentences long, and after giving it over to be edited, it would get tucked away in his desk drawer. Never to be seen or heard from again.

See, Jihoon was an emotional person. Not in the sense that most people would assume, he didn’t get offended easily, one mean comment wouldn’t leave him crying, he was simply—emotional. Whatever he was feeling, whether it be good or bad, it was powerful, sometimes overwhelming. So instead of erupting like a hormonal volcano, which he had already done plenty of, he put his emotions to paper. At the behest of his aforementioned best friend.

“You can’t go around yelling at people.” You began one afternoon just after entering high school. “Even if you’re writing it down, you’re still yelling at people.”

Jihoon, the definition of “hard to read”, was visibly pouting. “You’re the one who told me to write down how I feel. Now I can’t even send these to anyone?”

“I mean, you can.” You backpedalled. “I’m not your mother, despite Seokmin’s insistence. I can’t stop you from doing anything you’ve set your heart to. All I can do is advise you not to because you’re going to have a terrible few years here if everyone hates you.”

He clearly wasn’t thrilled by your logical response, but he admitted defeat anyway. “Fine. Don’t send the letters that I write. I get it. No one wants to read them.”

You groaned loudly. “You are so dramatic. I’m saying don’t send the literal hate mail to people. Don’t send the stuff you write to vent out your feelings. But if there’s something you want to say to someone, something that you can’t bring yourself to say out loud, by all means! Send the thing! I know you loathe the idea of talking to people, you also hate being misunderstood more.”

He also hated how well you knew him, not that he would ever say that out loud.

That was also something he wrote down in a letter, one he decided to send.

You crumpled it up immediately and threw it back at his face.

“Letters are powerful things, Jihoon.” You added. “They can break hearts, mend souls, and change lives with nothing more than words. Because words mean so many different things to so many different people. You just gotta say the right ones.”

At first, he was only humoring you. Honestly, he thought you completely senile until he gave it a shot. After spending hours hunched over his desk writing things no one else would see, he was starting to realize that maybe you had a point. Instead of roaming the halls shouting obscenities in his head, he was able to reassure himself by knowing he could write about it later. Even the smallest grievance, he would write it down. He would sometimes scribble it down on the margin of a textbook if he was feeling particularly overwhelmed in the middle of the day.

The letters became his therapy, his outlet, eventually he could stroll past some annoying upperclassmen and not feel rage coursing through his veins. It was—nice, almost. Not being subjected to his own hectic imagination at every turn. Feeling at peace for the first time in what felt like ages.

Until he found a letter in his locker, one addressed to him during his senior year. From a secret admirer. The contents of which would be seared into his memory for the remainder of time.

Lee Jihoon, it began.

I have never been able to tell you how I feel, in person or in a letter. For several months now, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to write letters like you for so long, and I just can’t get the words right. I don’t know how you do it. So I’m going to do something different. I’m going to stop being scared. If you meet me in the courtyard after school, I’m going to be brave for the first time in my life. Please help me be brave, Jihoon.

Again and again, he read that short letter. Practically baffled that someone out there wrote an honest-to-god letter that was addressed to an honest-to-god person. And that he wasn’t the writer, that he was the recipient. The thought alone made his heart race, and to comprehend that this secret admirer perhaps harbored feelings towards him? It was next to impossible. But no one writes a letter without true emotion behind it. That’s a fact he was coming to understand.

“I need you to come with me.” He told you after showing you the letter. “I’m—I’m not sure I can do this alone.”

You rolled your eyes. “Jihoon, obviously this person doesn’t want to make a public event out of their confession. You should really do this without me.”

“I know, and I’m not asking you to stand at my side or anything.” He reiterated. “Can you like—stand in a bush or something? If I know that you’re there I won’t feel the need to—"

“Did you just ask me to stand in a bush?” You guffawed. “You did not just ask me to stand in a bush Lee Jihoon because if you did then you’re about to get your ass kicked into next year!”

“I didn’t mean literally!” He quickly denied when he did, in fact, mean it literally. “Just—stand around the corner, okay? Be my moral support!”

Pursing your lips, you knew that there was no getting out of this. “Alright, fine. I’ll come with you. But I’m not happy about it.”

“I’ll pay you back, I promise.” He swore. “Have I ever told you that you’re the best?”

A smirk teased at your lips. “You could mention it more.”

“Consider it done.” Jihoon grinned, gathering up his things and heading for the door. “Don’t forget! After school! Courtyard! Don’t be late!”

Once he was gone and you were completely alone, your face fell in disappointment. “I wouldn’t dream of it…”

By the time that school was finally over for the day, Jihoon was a bundle of overactive nerves. He was excited and terrified and anxious and nauseous all at once. The bombarding sensations kept him cemented in place, gripping the edge of his desk until his knuckles were about to burst through. He had been like that for the entirety of their last class, still as a statue as a cold sweat broke out across his brow. You were standing in front of him, head tilted and wondering what he was planning to do next.

“Class is over.” You reminded him. “Everyone’s left.”

Very slowly, he nodded. “Y-yeah. I can see that.”

His voice sounded as if it had been completely stripped down. Like he had screamed himself hoarse by saying those few words.

“Your secret admirer is probably waiting.” You tried to spur him. “We should get going before I change my mind and head home.”

He audibly swallowed past a lump in his throat. “Well—maybe that’s best. Yeah, I can wait until tomorrow.”

You eyed him incredulously. “You’re going to stay here until tomorrow. You’re insane, get up.”

“I’d rather not.”

“And I’d rather not grow old and die here.” You countered. “C’mon, Jihoon. Your admirer asked you to help them be brave, how exactly is this helping them?”

He had to admit, you had a point. If they were brave enough to put their feelings out there, he had to at least meet them half way.

Sighing loudly, he started to pry his fingers off his desk. “Alright, fine. We’ll do things your way.”

You rolled your eyes for perhaps the hundredth time. “You’re absolutely insufferable. Why do I hang out with you?”

“Because I’m funny.” He said with the most serious face in the world.

Which actually made you laugh.

“I hate you.” You chuckled. “C’mon, let’s get going while we’re still young.”

Jihoon inhaled and exhaled deeply to calm himself down.

This is just the beginning.

Except—it wasn’t.

He stood in the courtyard, seemingly alone, with the note that brought him there clutched tight in his hand. As his moral support you were keeping your distance, as promised, but no one else joined you. Minutes passed and he did his best to remain hopeful. It was hard, especially when a familiar voice nagged at the back of his mind. The same one he struggled with every day to ignore.

No one would ever like you, so why did you bother thinking otherwise?

While the negative thoughts slowly took over, Jihoon didn’t know what to do next. He was defeated, almost destroyed. And even though you walked up behind him and took his hand in yours, it did little to stop the bitter tears from welling in his eyes.

“I should’ve known…” He whispered angrily. “This was all just—a joke. It’s always a joke. Who could ever like me?”

“Stop it, Jihoon.” You hissed at him, squeezing his hand tighter. “They said they were scared, maybe they couldn’t follow through with it. Maybe they were afraid of being rejected. You never know what’s going through someone’s head. Don’t beat yourself up, okay?”

Nothing you said was going to make him feel better. He quickly wrenched himself from your grip and backed away from you.

“I’m going home.” He clipped. “Bye.”

Before he left, he made sure to crumple up the note and toss it at your feet. When his heart was broken, he wore it on his sleeve. You understood what Jihoon was feeling, he had been living with an extremely low self esteem due to his height and his general inability to make friends for as long as you knew him. He was quiet, shy, reserved, he was slow to open up to others and hesitant to trust. That’s why you tried to be excited for him, and now that things hadn’t gone as planned in more ways than one your heart ached just like his.

The next day, Jihoon strolled into class like a drunk zombie. By the looks of him, he hadn’t slept a wink. Too busy being destroyed by his own thoughts to bother with anything like sustenance or sleep. He took up his seat beside you, and you immediately shoved your desk into his.

“Still upset?” You asked, even though you already knew the answer.

Sluggishly he lifted his head up and then quickly dropped it back down.

It was worse than you thought.

“Are you going to talk to me today?” You teased in an attempt to get a reaction. “Or am I going to have to go bother Hansol?”

Grumbling slightly, the barely responsive mass that was your best friend raised his hand and dropped a crumpled wad of paper on your desk. At first, you assumed it was just another one of his letters. They weren’t uncommon when he was feeling—unwell.

But it was another note from his secret admirer.

You were startled because he didn’t usually stop at his locker in the morning.

Lee Jihoon, it started similarly.

I’m sorry for not showing up yesterday, I was scared. I couldn’t bring myself to face you, please don’t be mad at me. I’d like to keep writing you letters, if that’s okay. Let’s get to know each other and maybe one day I can be brave again.

Once you were finished reading, you immediately began analyzing Jihoon’s face again. You had never seen him look like this before, completely vacant. While he was hard to read to the entire world, he was always an open book to you. Now reading him was nearly impossible even with your expertise.

“What are you gonna do?”

He shrugged lazily. “I don’t know. Sit here for the rest of eternity. Wait for the soft embrace of death.”

“Jihoon.” You exasperated. “We both know you’re not actually going to do that.”

Except he actually might and you actually couldn’t take that chance.

“Are you going to write them a letter?” You tried, again. “Maybe that will work out better.”

“I already did.” He murmured. “I don’t think they want to read it though.”

“Jesus Christ…” You groaned loudly, taking Jihoon’s face in your hands and looking him dead in his lifeless eyes. “They still like you, they’re scared and human like the rest of us, it is not the end of the world! Give them another chance and stop being such a goddamn drama queen!”

Silence. Pure unadulterated and perfectly aggravating silence.

“Alright, you leave me no choice. I’m bringing out the big guns.”

Being careful to keep an eye on the teacher, you pulled out your phone and started texting Jihoon’s mother. According to your message, you and Jihoon were going to be studying late at the library, and he would probably need to spend the night at your house. Which wasn’t a complete lie, maybe you would get some studying done. But, in all honesty, you had other things in mind.

“Take your pick.” You instructed, a box set in each hand. “Descendants of the Sun, or Record of Youth.”

Immediately after school, you dragged your best friend to your house and sat him down in front of the TV. Your parents didn’t even question it when you told them this intervention was a matter of life and death, that the patient might need to be admitted for the night. They simply let you do what needed to be done.

Jihoon, who had been relatively catatonic for the past 24 hours, finally showed a glimmer of something. He gave the slightest suggestion of a nod towards Descendants of the Sun and you happily popped in the first disk. As you claimed a spot beside him, popcorn and banana milk in tow, he naturally relaxed against you. You were the only person who got to see him unguarded like that, the only person he himself would allow. And while he was typically someone who kept his true self hidden from the world, there was a part of him that would forever belong only to you.

“Thanks.” He practically whispered, resting his head on your shoulder. “I—I needed this.”

“I know.” You smiled. “Are you ready to talk yet?”

He sighed heavily. “No. Not really. I still have a lot of thinking to do.”

“Well, if you need help thinking you know where I’ll be.” You offered without wanting to seem pushy.

If you weren’t mistaken, you could’ve sworn he actually chuckled.

“Yeah. I do.”

Little by little, your best friend was slowly returning to normal—or as close to normal as you’ve ever seen him. Eventually he started getting sucked into the drama, going rigid when things got tense, and actively pretended he wasn’t crying whenever You Are My Everything played. It was, overall, a job well done. You could sleep easy knowing that Jihoon would be just fine. As you drifted off, you felt him hold your hand and squeeze it gently.

Everything was going to be okay.

And if only to prove that point, the next day was nothing like the one before. Jihoon was back to his old self as if nothing had happened at all. Just another Thursday without a word or whisper about the chaotic tornado his secret admirer had unleashed onto your day-to-day life. He even had a letter for you to read by the time lunch rolled around. Apparently, some freshman irritated him over something seemingly small. At least—to you it seemed barely worth mentioning. But nothing ever really felt small to Jihoon. It was all or nothing, always living in black and white. Which meant that almost everything was important to him in some way. So you read the letter, and you edited it gladly.

Once you were done, he had something else for you. Another note from the admirer.

“This is the third one, right?” You murmured, glancing it over once before looking up at him. “Have you written back yet? Besides the one where I assumed you insulted their very existence with your entire arsenal of hurtful words.”

The blush crawling up his neck was an answer in and of itself, but the thick stack of paper he pulled out of his backpack solidified it.

“I’ve tried a few times.” He admitted hesitantly. “Nothing I write is good enough.”

“Oh, only a few times?” You teased, knowing full well that Jihoon’s definition of a few was the same as calling Jane Eyre a short shopping list. “What’s got you so stuck? Usually you have no issues penning essays over trivial things like cracks in the sidewalk.”

His brow furrowed defiantly. “Hey, proper sidewalk and road maintenance is important to modern infrastructure. If we start overlooking cracks in the pavement, then what? What about traffic lights? Can we afford to allow a single bulb to go out? No, of course not. That’s anarchy.”

You couldn’t believe your ears.

“Jihoon…” You started with an exasperated look. “I was joking.”

Trying to hide the fact that his blush was turning a deep crimson, and failing quite miserably, he pulled a paper from the stack and put it back in his bag. Also something he tried, and failed, to hide from you.

“Are you kidding me!” You laughed, raking a hand down your face. “Did you seriously have a letter in that pile you were going to send to our congressman?”

“No—yes—ugh!” He groaned. “Can we forget about the stupid sidewalk for a second! That’s not important right now! Help me! How do I do this?”

Deciding you had teased your best friend enough, you placed your chin in your hand and smiled at him. “How do you do what, exactly? I’ve never had anything to do with the letters you write, I just read them so someone knows how you’re feeling.”

Who were you kidding, you could never tease Jihoon enough.

He rolled his eyes so hard that he rolled his whole head with them. “Like you’ve ever needed further insight into my head, you always know what I’m thinking before I do.”

True.

“But I don’t understand the first thing about—this.” He finished with a labored sigh, gesturing sharply to the handwritten novel in front of him. “You know that better than anyone.”

Again, he was telling the truth. In the years you had known Jihoon he had never developed serious feelings towards someone else. He had barely entertained the notion since entering high school. He always talked himself out of it because feelings were complicated and bothersome. Plus, he was terrified of being rejected. Like most people are. His intrusive thoughts just so happened to be louder than most.

“I hate to break it to you, Jihoon,” You started in a whisper, “no one knows the first thing about this. Not even me. The only person who can help you is yourself.”

His sour expression made it obvious that he obviously didn’t like your response. “Great. Super helpful. Thank you for your continued wisdom.”

When he moved away from you, you grabbed him by the sweater and pulled him back in. “Why do you always stop listening to me when I’m about to make my point?”

He narrowed his eyes at you. “Because it takes you forever to fucking get there.”

“Alright, you got me there.” You chuckled. “Listen, I’m not kidding when I say that you’ve got to do this one on your own. As much as I can usually sense what feelings are doing somersaults in your stomach, this is a first for you and therefore a first for me. I’ve never seen you like this before, so unfortunately you’ve got to discover this one on your own.”

As you spoke, his features slowly softened until all that remained was a very nervous teenager who didn’t want to screw up his first real chance at love. That’s all Jihoon was at his core, that’s all anyone was.

But you had to admit he almost looked kind of cute.

Almost.

“How do you always know what to say?” He grumbled while crossing his arms. “It’s annoying.”

“You’ve got a really weird way of saying thank you.” You smirked playfully. “Well, maybe this last nugget of advice will get you started in the right direction.”

“Why are you always—” He seethed through his teeth. “How are you still not at whatever your point is!”

You shrugged, because you honestly had no clue. “I'll get there when I get there. You want to hear it or not—”

“Spit. It. Out.”

“Now is that anyway to—”

Wow. You stopped, suddenly fearing for your measly life. If looks could kill—

“Alright, alright, you win.” You conceded. “If you’re having issues writing a letter to your secret admirer, here’s my advice. Stop trying to put words to your feelings and start putting feelings into words. You’re spending too much time trying to say it perfectly that you’re not saying it at all. It doesn’t need to make sense to anyone else, it doesn’t even need to make sense to you. So long as you put them out into the world, they’ll be heard and one day they’ll be understood. You get me?”

The look on his face was—strange. You had a hard time placing it, which should’ve been weirder than it was. In fact, you were seeing lots of different sides to Jihoon lately, sides you never thought existed. This time his eyes widened, the aforementioned scarlet blush had disappeared, and there was a radiance to him that you had never seen before. Like suddenly he could see clearly through the storm of his thoughts.

“Thank you.” He exhaled with a smile. “I’ve never thought about it like that before.”

Feeling triumphant, you wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I’m starting to wonder what you’d do without me, Jihoon. Three days and you’ve been completely undone and redone by this letter.”

“Letters are powerful things.” He muttered. “They can break hearts, mend souls, and change lives. You taught me that.”

“I guess I’m a pretty good teacher.” You boasted, giving him a squeeze. “Despite the fact that I’m actually quite terrible with words.”

He shrugged off your arm. “Except you always know what to say, how exactly does that work?”

“Just because I can make you see reason doesn’t mean I’m good with words.” You laughed easily. “That simply means that I’ve perfected the art of understanding the impossible. Lee Jihoon. I can’t use words like you do. Trust me I’ve tried, I can never get the words right.”

For a moment, he didn’t have any sort of response. Which was definitely weird. It was a well-known fact that he was terrible with the sorts of words he had to speak, but he didn’t have issues when talking to you. That’s because you were friends, best friends. There had never been this sort of unnerving silence before. Not that you could remember, anyway.

What is going on in your head, Jihoon? You found yourself wondering since you couldn’t read his face. Have you started to figure it out?

“Sorry, I was thinking.” He muttered suddenly, shaking his head. “But I know what I need to write now. Will you read this one too? Even if it gets pretty long?”

“Of course!” You exclaimed with a smile. “When have I ever shied away from a challenge?”

The soft glisten in his eyes made your heart flutter.

“Never.”

When the bell rang and you parted ways, you wondered if Jihoon had ever written you a letter.

Well there’s a first time for everything.

For the next week, he was in full writer mode. And there were no more notes from his secret admirer, not that you expected there to be any. Every chance he got he was scribbling something down on whatever surface he could get his hands on. Textbooks, paper, his arm, he was more inspired than you’d ever seen before and nothing was going to stop him. He didn’t even come over to your house over the weekend, a ritual you hadn’t broken in the ten plus years you had known each other. It was a lonely week, for sure, but you knew it was for a good cause.

Then, after what felt like an eternity of silence, he approached you in the courtyard with a single sheet of paper in his hand.

“Hey…” He started uneasily, his grip tightening. “How’re you?”

Seriously? You mused to yourself with a smile. “I’m good, how’s the writing?”

“Done.” He clipped. “And—I think I covered everything.”

“Are you sure?” You asked, eyeing the sheet of paper. “With all of that writing I thought you’d have a novel for me.”

He shook his head, while a blush crawled up his neck. “Sometimes being concise is more effective than being overly wordy.”

“That’s true.” You grinned. “Easier for me to edit anyway.”

Nodding, he shoved the paper into your hand. “Here. Take your time, I don’t want you to rush it.”

“I won’t.” You promised, resisting the urge to start reading right away. “I know you put a lot of thought into this.”

With that, he turned around and walked off without another word. Leaving you holding something that looked like little more than pen ink on paper, but felt like a confession on fire. Once he was out of eyesight, you exhaled a breath you had been holding unintentionally and started reading.

To the person I have never loved before. It began, and you weren’t prepared for the roller coaster you had willingly climbed into.

This isn’t for the person I’ve loved all along, no. This is for you, someone who managed to stir my emotions more than a raging monsoon with only a few words and the hint of a promise. Who are you? I wondered to myself, because you were without equal. How could I have missed you? You were extraordinary. You didn’t have a face, all I had of you was a letter slipped into my locker, you were a ghost and I was set ablaze by your words. I had never felt like that before, my heart was unprepared. As was I. You made me question everything, and made me realize things I had never seen before.

What I felt for you wasn’t love, even though I thought it was at first. You presented me with feelings I decided I would never feel, so I could only assume that it was love. I felt like a live wire, ready to spark at a moment's notice. All I could think about was you. The infinite options and scenarios I dreamt up, all because of you, was astronomical. It was exhilarating, and I found myself drunk on the endless possibilities that you presented me. What else could make me feel that way, if it wasn’t love?

The answer was one I didn’t expect, and it hit me like a tsunami. I started to feel that way towards someone I already know. Someone who has cared for me more than anyone should, they have been my best friend for years so how could I suddenly feel the same way? How could my friendship for them become intertwined with the love I thought was solely reserved for you? And how could I have missed it after being enveloped by their warmth for so long?

You changed all of that. You made me see clearly for the first time in years and I was completely undone. Everything I knew was suddenly challenged, my feelings towards the most important person in my life changed without any warning, and I didn’t know what to do. How could I ask them, a friend, to see me as anything more? I was lost, trapped in an endless loop of destructive thoughts and desire. Desperately wanting to scream my feelings from the rooftop while fearing the voice that would have to put words to them. Your feelings for me awakened my feelings for them, and suddenly the words that have given me comfort for so long escaped me.

Still, you helped me.

In ways I can only thank with this letter.

You helped me because you are the one who told me to start writing letters. It’s always been you. You are the one who has given my thoughts meaning when I struggled to communicate with the world. One that could never understand someone like me. You are the one who wrote me a letter, asking a coward to help you be brave. It took me a while to realize that you were one and the same, but I picked up on the hints you left behind. I’m sorry it took me this long to figure it out.

Would you have showed up had I not asked you to come with me? I think about that often, were you only afraid because my initial thought was that there was no way it could be you? The impossible notion that my best friend could love me anymore than they already do? I have a thousand more questions I want to ask you, but I think I’m brave enough now to ask you in person.

So I’m going to end this letter here, because you deserve so much more than the words I’ve hidden behind for years. A letter I started to write for someone I thought I didn’t know, to the person I’ve never loved before. Funny, how it ended up being a letter to the person I’ve loved all along.

As you read the last line, tears already streaming down your face, you had never felt happier.

“You figured it out.” You whispered, almost in disbelief. “For a second there I thought you never would.”

You don’t know when Jihoon came back, but he was suddenly standing in front of you taking your hand in his. “It really shouldn’t have taken me that long, I’ve only seen your handwriting a thousand times before.”

Laughter bubbled past your lips as you dried your tears with your sleeve. “I was terrified that you would’ve figured me out from the very beginning. Looks like I really give you too much credit sometimes.”

“You do.” He agreed. “So, what did you think of the letter? Any edits you can think of?”

“This isn’t the type of letter that needs editing.” You stated plainly. “It would take away from the author’s meaning.”

“What would that be?” He asked, clearly teasing you. “Enlighten me.”

You shook your head defiantly. “No, no way. It’s your letter, why don’t you tell me what it’s supposed to mean?”

Part of him didn’t want to make it easy, that much you knew with absolute certainty. But, for the sake of time and your poor heart, he would let you off the hook. Just this once.

“That I love you.” He said softly. “More than anything else.”

Choking out a sob, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in close.

“I love you too, Jihoon.”

In the end, neither of you were good with words, but you only needed to know what to say to each other.

[cheolbooluvr]

the class president

pairing: joshua x reader

genre: enemies to ???!au, high school!au, angst, a sprinkle of fluff??? idk

warnings: a couple of swear words here and there, maybe a kith but nothing crazy

word count: 2.8k

a/n: i would do anything for platinumshua, he’s so special to me <3 anyways, hope you enjoy this one :’) i haven’t decided if i’m gonna write a pt.2 to this yet, so lmk if you want it!! edit: thank you for the likes, reblogs are so very much appreciated 🥺

next

my masterlist ＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／

Joshua Hong was perfect. He was the captain of the swim team and the debate team, he played the guitar, and to top it all off, he was the class president. Not only that, he was also incredibly beautiful and all of the girls and guys at school adored him. It wasn’t just the students, but also the teachers who loved him, too. They said he was so ahead of his time. He was mature, smart, considerate, and just so kind.

He was perfect. In fact, he was too perfect, but you knew otherwise. Everyone always called him a gentleman, but you knew that was all a ruse. After all, you had spent the last seventeen years of your life living next door to him. Your parents were good friends and they desperately wanted the two of you to be friends, too. And actually, at some point, you were. He would come over every Saturday morning and the two of you would watch anime until your mom had to pry the two of you away from the TV and force you to play outside. He was always clumsy and had cried when he fell off his bike and scraped his knee on the asphalt. You were always jealous of the pool he had in his backyard, but it didn’t matter since you went over every day in the summer and swam to your hearts’ content.

It was like this all the way up until middle school. At some point, he had hit puberty and the clumsy, silly boy you knew in your childhood had changed both physically and emotionally. He joined the middle school swim team and always swam a league higher because he was that good. Because of this, he made friends with the upperclassmen, and to the girls your age, that made him ten times more desirable. Somewhere along the way, he became too polished, too prim and proper for you and left you in the dust while he quickly made new friends and had girls chasing after him constantly.

Though honestly, you didn’t mind. You had your own small group of friends, what did you need dumb Joshua Hong for? It was finally the weekend and both of your parents had left to go on a semi annual trip as they always did. Under their impression, you and Joshua were still very much friends, and neither of you bothered to correct them and break their precious thoughts of their kids being best friends. You had just gotten home and threw your backpack on the couch and headed upstairs to change into your PJ’s. It was barely 4 PM but you’d rather get comfy now before you got too lazy and end up falling asleep in jeans. For dinner, you popped a frozen chicken pot pie into the microwave and watched as it spun a couple times before getting bored and plopping down on the couch. The house was quiet and you enjoyed the peacefulness of being home alone. A couple hours later, you heard numerous car doors slamming and looked out the window to see a couple of Joshua’s swim team friends get out of their cars.

“Oh, great, it’s the aquatic meatheads,” you mumbled, rolling your eyes. Returning to the couch, you resumed your movie that you had been watching. It was a Taiwanese movie called “Our Times,” about young high school love. You’ve seen this movie more times than you could count, but every time had you sobbing hysterically. Around 8 PM, you could hear more car doors slam and the music next door grow increasingly louder by the minute. Lin Truly had just learned what happened to Ouyang and Hsu Taiyu and your face was wet with tears. You tried your best to ignore it and even turned up the volume, but nothing could drown out the noise from next door. You hit pause and got up from the couch, throwing a light jacket over your loose shirt. It was time you gave Joshua a piece of your mind and tell him to turn the music down, but as you opened the door, a familiar face appeared right in front of you.

Without a word, Joshua barged into your house, shirtless and dripping with water. He had recently dyed his hair a bright platinum blonde and even you had to admit he really pulled it off.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” you asked him.

“I need to hang out here for a bit,” he said, walking further into your living room and leaving a trail of pool water behind him.

“Get out.” You furrowed your eyebrows and pointed at the door.

“Please, my ex is at my house right now and I need to hide from her.”

“Why do you think I care?”

“Just help me out this one time. Wait… ” Joshua moved in to look at you closely. You stepped back, weirded out by his sudden gesture. “Were you… crying?”

Wiping the tears from your face, you huffed. “I was watching a movie, but you and your goonies are being too loud. You’re going to get the cops called on you.”

“It was just supposed to be the swim team,” he added.

“Doesn’t sound like just the swim team, Joshua.”

Hearing his name come from your mouth was a weird feeling. Truth be told, it had been a long time since the two of you have talked. It wasn’t until then that he wished he had heard it sooner. Suddenly, he found himself missing you.

“I know, I know. Mingyu, being the dumbass that he is, told a ‘couple’ people and then word spread so fast. I didn’t know how to say no.”

“You can just… say no?”

Joshua sighed. “It’s not that easy. I’m the class president.”

You waved him off and returned to the couch. “And I’m trying to watch a movie and not get in trouble with our parents when the cops get called and they find out you were having a party.”

It was Joshua’s turn to say your name now. “Please, just let me stay here for a bit until my ex leaves. I’ll tell Seungcheol to wrap it up and get everyone to leave. He always knows what to do.”

“Why didn’t you just do that in the first place?” you quipped.

“I guess I didn’t think of it because I was too busy trying to hide from her.” He was now standing in front of you, blocking the view of the TV. “Please let me hang out here until she leaves.”

“No, get out.” You tried to move to look at the TV but he moved with you, ensuring your view was blocked no matter what you tried to do. Finally, you gave up and sighed. “Fine, but only for thirty minutes max. If you’re not gone by then, I’m kicking you out.”

“Okay, deal.”

“And don’t sit on my couch while you’re still sopping wet.”

“Can I borrow a towel?” he asked, smiling shyly at you.

After he had dried off, you gave him one of your dad’s t-shirts and shorts to wear. He sat on the other side of the couch, trying to figure out what was happening. “So, what’s Hsu Taiyu’s deal? He kind of seems like an asshole?”

You rolled your eyes at his comment. “You have to watch the whole movie to understand,” you explained.

“Or you could just explain it to me right now.”

“Or I could walk over to your house and tell your ex that you’re here.”

Joshua scoffed. “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh yeah?” You stood up and tried to make a beeline for the door, but he was quick to grab your hand.

“Wait! Fine, I won’t ask.”

You smirked at him as if to say, Yeah, that’s what I thought, and sat back down. You had been so entrenched in the movie that you had forgotten about the thirty minute time limit you put on Joshua. It was near the end when you looked over to find Joshua passed out, his head resting on the arm rest. Your heart skipped a beat seeing his face so serene and peaceful. It was almost as if you missed him and the friends that you used to be. You shook your head trying to remove any thoughts of being friends with this two-faced prick, and you tried to nudge him awake. He wouldn’t move so you shook his shoulders even more. He groaned and barely opened his eyes.

“Joshua, you need to go.” As if on cue, his phone dinged and you saw a message from Seungcheol.

Seungcheol: hey man everyone’s gone

Seungcheol: i’m going home see you tomorrow

“Seungcheol sent everyone home. You’ve gotta go.”

“Okay,” he mumbled. You went to grab your phone that was charging on the kitchen counter, and when you returned, he had fallen back asleep, his whole body taking up the couch.

“Joshua, come on. You can’t stay here.” You nudged him again, but he turned his body so he was facing the couch. Taking a deep breath, you figured you would just try again in a bit. You took a blanket from the hallway closet and draped it over his body and went upstairs to read a bit before bed. Before you knew it, you were asleep, too.

The next morning, you woke up to the sun shining brightly through your curtains. It felt like a typical Saturday morning as you lay in bed scrolling through your phone. Suddenly, you jolted up and remembered that Joshua Hong was downstairs sleeping on your couch the night before. You walked downstairs quietly expecting to see the blonde boy still fast asleep, but instead, the blanket you had given him was neatly folded and there was no sign of him anywhere. You sighed a breath of relief, though you couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed.

｡☆✼★ ━━━━━━━━━━━━ ★✼☆｡

Days had passed since Joshua had shown up at your house, and neither of you mentioned it to the other. In fact, you both had acted as if it never happened. However, a part of you couldn’t help but wonder what your lives would be like had you stayed friends throughout middle school. You were mindlessly cutting through your steak when your mom tried to get your attention.

“Sweetie?” she asked. You looked up at her with wide eyes. “Is everything okay? You’ve already cut a piece of your steak off.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.”

“Everything going okay at school?” she prodded further.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“Your mom and I were thinking,” your dad said. “We should have a nice dinner with the Hongs this Friday.”

You looked up from your plate. “What?”

“Yeah, it’s been a while since all of us have sat down and spent time together. I know you and Josh are busy with school, but they said he was free this weekend.”

“You’re not doing anything, right?” your mom asked.

“Um, no I don’t think so.”

Your dad clapped his hands together. “Great! I’ll let them know and we can have a nice barbecue together.”

“Great,” you said with a fake smile. There went all your plans to avoid Joshua and all thoughts related to him.

｡☆✼★ ━━━━━━━━━━━━ ★✼☆｡

Friday came and you braced yourself for what would happen. Best case scenario was that he would come over and eat and then politely ask to leave to go do some group project or something. Or maybe you would do that, since Joshua was all about maintaining this picture perfect image. It didn’t matter, one way or another, you would find a way out. You came home after school and showered quickly while your parents prepared the hamburgers for dinner. Joshua’s parents had offered to make their infamous potato wedges, and your parents couldn’t decline a beautiful offer, so they decided hamburgers were the best choice. After your shower, you threw on a fitted baby blue top and high waisted denim shorts. It was still warm out and you were thankful you could get a few more wears out of your shorts. You went downstairs to help your parents prepare everything, grabbing some drinks, plates and cups from the garage.

“Need some help?” Joshua’s raspy voice surprised you, causing you to almost drop everything. He laughed and grabbed the drinks from you, freeing your hands to better hold the cups and plates.

“Thanks,” you mumbled as the two of you made your way to your backyard where your parents were all sitting and talking.

“Hey, look who it is!” your dad exclaimed. Joshua put the drinks on the table outside and gave your dad a firm handshake. You watched them converse happily, but you couldn’t think that this was the last that either of you wanted to be doing right now.

The dinner wasn’t nearly as bad as you thought it would be and actually, the conversation between you and Joshua flowed smoothly. It was almost as if you had been friends this whole time. Almost. At some point, your parents asked what you guys did last weekend while they were gone, expecting you two to have hung out with each other. And they weren’t completely wrong, but you weren’t quite sure what to say.

“Oh, we watched a movie,” Joshua said coolly.

“What movie did you watch?” his mom asked.

“It’s called ‘Our Times,’” you replied.

Your mom had a look of realization. “That’s a wonderful movie, but you watch it all the time!” Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment. You’d never thought it was a problem before, so why now?

“Really?” Joshua was looking at you now.

“Yeah, we’ll come home from date nights and she’ll be sobbing on the couch,” your dad added.

“Dad, please stop.” You had to get away. Pulling out your phone, you pretended that your friend needed help with homework and tried to excuse yourself.

“You’re leaving already?” Joshua’s dad asked.

“Honey, it’s been a while since we’ve all spent time together,” your mom chided. “Can you help your friend tomorrow?” At this point, everyone’s eyes were on you, and you didn’t want to be the one to kill the mood.

“Okay, I’ll let her know. Let me just go call her real quick,” you said. You went inside and upstairs to your bedroom. If anything you just needed a moment to yourself.

Apparently you had been alone for a bit too long and your mom sent Joshua to come check on you. He knocked on the door and you jumped, turning to see his tall figure in the doorway.

“Sorry, I’ll come down now,” you mumbled quietly, staring at your phone.

“No, it’s fine. Your mom actually said maybe I should come up here and hang out with you.”

“You really don’t have to.”

“I don’t have much of an option. I can’t really go home, can I?”

“I mean, you live next door.”

“But our parents would find it suspicious and ask questions.”

You nodded. He had a point, so you let him come in. Your room was mostly dark, so you turned on the string lights. Joshua sat on the other side of your bed, staring at all of the posters and artwork you had hanging on your walls. He was fascinated by it all, and except for a few changes here and there, your room was mostly the same from what he remembered.

“Remember when I helped you paint your room blue?” he asked.

“And then you got jealous and tried to steal the buckets of paint so you could paint your room blue, too?” You smiled at the memory.

“My parents were not happy, but I got what I wanted in the end,” he shrugged with a grin on his face.

“Like you always do,” you mumbled quietly.

“What?”

“Nothing,” you added quickly. Joshua fell back on your bed and looked at you. His eyes sparkled in the dim light and you couldn’t help but feel a warmth in your heart. Maybe you did miss him. But no, he was too good for you, too cool, and you would never be on his level.

“Go to homecoming with me,” he said.

You took a minute to process his words and scoffed. “That’s funny.”

“I mean it.”

“Why would I go with you?”

Joshua sat up and scooted closer to you. “Why not?”

You took a deep breath. “Because, Joshua Hong, I have no reason to. We’re not friends.”

There it was again, his name coming from your lips. “But we used to be,” he said.

“Yeah, keywords: ‘used to be.’”

“I missed you.” You raised your eyebrows in shock at his words. “I really, fucking, missed you.”

He leaned in, closing the distance between your faces, and before you knew it, his lips were on yours and you were suddenly kissing your childhood friend and next door neighbor of seventeen years.

｡☆✼★ ━━━━━━━━━━━━ ★✼☆｡

Your eyes shot wide open and you sat up straight in your bed. It was a dream, you realized with disappointment. You touched your lips, marveling at how real it all felt. When you looked at your clock, it was 7:55 AM, Friday. You had to get ready for school and eventually, for dinner tonight, too.