#this is maybe. slightly off topic from the original post but.

[carolinanadeau]

In Praise of Sally Ann Howes

As I've made it one of the purposes of my blog to share photos and songs and general positivity about the wonderful English actress Sally Ann Howes, I thought I'd make a post to talk in much more detail about all the great things about her and why I adore her so much!

This classy English beauty possessed a highly expressive face and eyes, an astonishingly powerful soprano, a great sense of humor, and the world's most charming laugh. One thing I cannot stop saying about Sally Ann is that she did not and does not get nearly enough credit and recognition for her immense talent and prolific career, and it's precisely for that reason that I'm here to do my part in giving it to her!

This overlong rambling post is a combination of biographical information and my personal fawning over her performances... whatever I felt I most wanted to put out there in the world and what I'd like people less familiar with her to know.

Click on Keep Reading and I'll take you on a journey!

As she preferred to work on the stage and didn't really pursue a film career, the catalog of Sally Ann's work that can still be viewed today is unfortunately small - though you can find almost all of her early films on the internet if you look hard! In her early film days, mostly made before she was able to pursue her true passion of musical theatre, her extraordinary singing talents weren't utilized by the producers at all.

However, we were fortunately blessed with exactly one musical film role from her, and it's an iconic one: the aptly-named role of Truly Scrumptious in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968), the golden-haired, golden-hearted candy heiress who falls in love with and eventually marries Dick van Dyke's character Caractacus Potts after joining him and his children on a madcap adventure. She's a sweet, intelligent ingenue with hidden depths and one of my favorite sorts of character arcs - the uptight, lonely woman who becomes more and more warm and open as she discovers newfound freedom and joy in life and falls in love.

There is something about Sally Ann that just glows in every scene of Chitty, and it's not only that bright blonde hair! The way she widens her eyes sometimes, the way she raises her eyebrows, her gentle and soft presence in the happiest scenes, and the particular airy lilt she has to her speaking voice are all so distinctive and appealing, and I can't take my eyes off her. And her smile! When I say she glows it's barely even a metaphor, the woman just emits light. 

(Funnily enough, I started to realize that many of the laudatory quotes I've found about her also refer to her in this way, like this quote from a 1965 TV Guide article, from playwright Sidney Kingsley: "She's luminous as an actress. I mean that literally. In Brigadoon she really lit up the stage.")

For me, I'm weak for any actress who can do the defrosted-ice-queen trope so incredibly well. Truly starts out as closed-off and prim, and nearly reverts to that state when she and Caractacus have a Big Misunderstanding near the end, but in the scenes where she's happy and carefree, the warmth just radiates off of her.

She also has the most adorable chemistry with Dick van Dyke in an annoyances-to-friends-to-lovers relationship that absolutely shaped my young brain. Whenever Sally Ann and Dick glance at each other, whether with irritation and frustration early in the film or with warmth and affection later on, their chemistry is obvious and natural, and there's so much expressed in each one of those glances. One has no difficulty believing that these characters are going to be very happily married.

(Here's a cute on-set interview where she talks about, among other things, how easily she and van Dyke clicked.)

While I acknowledge that the character of Caractacus Potts was absolutely originally planned to be an actual Englishman, Dick van Dyke played him with an American accent, and to me they will always be an adorable English-American couple. It's a whole part of the charm of this pairing to me!

Sally Ann also had a great relationship with child actors Adrian Hall and Heather Ripley who played Jeremy and Jemima Potts, and did her best to help make them more comfortable and happy during the many very long days on set. Having been a child film star herself, she knew a great deal about how difficult and alienating it could be. The genuine affection the three of them shared is obvious in their scenes together, especially in the extremely adorable "Truly Scrumptious" number, and it really makes the developing mother-child relationship between the characters so believable.

The beach scene, where so much of the relationship between Truly and Caractacus and the Potts children is developed, is incredibly cute and heartwarming, and a lot of that rides on Sally Ann's performance and how her previously prim-and-proper character shows herself to be warm and loving, once she (literally) lets her hair down. We've already seen how happy the Potts family is together; now we see how Truly fits in perfectly and makes them all even happier.

Look at her! Literally glowing!

(One thing I should mention: I think both the plot and the love story of CCBB are greatly improved if one just treats the "dream sequence" as real events, which was possibly the original intention anyway, so just note that is always the perspective I'm coming from here. It's the only way to make some things make sense and for the characters and their relationships to fully develop.)

"Lovely, Lonely Man" is Truly's big solo moment, and was probably the least comprehensible part of the movie to me as a kid (lol), but is now indisputably one of the very best parts to me as an adult. It's an exquisitely beautiful love song, especially the bridge, and I somehow love it more and more every time I rewatch it. Sally Ann's dreamy, graceful movements and the way the whole scene is shot make her look like a princess, and the slow build of the song is masterfully done. She has this distinctive crisp way of articulating her words while singing, especially the closing consonants like N and M, that I just love to listen to. The string section and the building countermelodies are so beautiful it makes me want to weep. Everyone involved in creating this scene and song deserved an award, I'm being so serious. While it's not the highest of soprano songs and doesn't fully show off Sally Ann's astonishing range, she shows an incredible amount of vocal control here through the many diminuendos and crescendos, and she's mesmerizing to watch and listen to. One of her "glowiest" scenes, for sure!

While I've seen people call this song irrelevant to the plot, I strongly disagree - the romance is part of the plot, of course, and while I didn't fully understand the meaning as a kid, this song establishes how much Truly's outlook on life and hopes for the future have already changed since meeting Caractacus, and how much happier she is with the poor Potts family than she's ever been in her life of luxury. Plus, now we know for certain that she's head over heels for Caractacus, but he doesn't know... increasing the dramatic irony of the pining and yearning to follow!

In the reprise of "Hushabye Mountain", which was sung in a much earlier scene by Dick van Dyke alone, Caractacus loses the will to continue the song because he's overwhelmed with emotion thinking of his children being held captive. Truly comes in to aid him with the final verse - another pivotal moment in the developing romance - and Sally Ann's singing here is nothing short of breathtaking.

And of course, I can't neglect to mention the "Doll on a Music Box" number, where Sally Ann, who was not a trained dancer and in fact considered herself to be "appalling" at it, performs an incredibly precise, incredibly impressive clockwork song-and-dance number while on a spinning turntable! She practiced it so well that she managed to successfully complete the shot in a single take, prompting the stage full of extras to burst into applause.

This is another important character moment for Truly, though it's disguised in a diegetic performance: though it's another thing that went over my head as a child who only got to see the movie once, the lyrics about being trapped up on a music box and longing to be freed by love pretty clearly symbolize how trapped the real Truly's high-society life makes her feel, and how she yearns to break free from class restrictions and live happily-ever-after with Caractacus, as it's only with him and his family that she really feels free.

Then there's that incredibly warm romantic look that Truly and Caractacus share at the end of the song when she silently acknowledges the love confession he's just made while singing in counterpoint with her, though they're still in a dangerous situation and can't give themselves away by appearing too human and breaking their disguises... sadly this vital moment is cut off on all the Youtube videos of the scene I can find, because none of the people who clipped it understand that that's the whole point of it all, apparently. But here's a gif!

The character of Truly doesn't exist at all in the original (quite different) book by James Bond author Ian Fleming - surprising, I know, given her name! - and, honestly, the fact that Truly and the romantic subplot of this movie exist are why it had such a strong impact on me as a child, and very much why I fell in love with it again as an adult. Even though the score is wonderful anyway and the story is charming and magical, I can confidently say that I would not have become as completely enchanted or had such a strong desire to revisit it again and again if there'd been no Truly and no love story. The fact that Sally Ann's performance makes Truly so loveable is, obviously, a pretty crucial factor there.

Sally Ann's delivery of "Well, Mr. Potts... now you'll have to marry me!" after Caractacus kisses Truly... that slide from prim mock-outrage to the playful, warm, you-can-hear-the-smile-in her-voice conclusion is flawless. Not even exaggerating when I say that this was the moment that made me into a hopeless romantic as a 9-year-old child. Sure, this wasn't the first movie I'd seen where two people fall in love and live happily ever after, but I distinctly remember that this was the first romance story that had me in a giggling, kicking-my-feet, "I ship it so hard" state of mind. And after revisiting it as an adult for the first time last year, I have confirmed that yes, child me already had great taste in fictional romances!

Oh, I could say so much about the difference in her body language between the two scenes where Caractacus carries Truly out of her car that's become stuck in a pond. The first time, Truly is affronted and extremely embarrassed by the situation, holding herself so stiffly and awkwardly to avoid an accidental embrace that she causes him to nearly lose his balance and drop her. The second time, when they're in love and they know it, she snuggles right up into his arms without hesitation and it's the cutest thing ever. Sally Ann was 5'6" but looks so tiny in that scene!

(And that kiss! Maybe I'm getting off-topic here in terms of strictly focusing on Sally Ann's contributions, because Dick van Dyke deserves tons of credit for making this kiss so good... but wow, the kiss. Several times I have called it "the Most Kiss they could have gotten away with in a children's movie." Again, giggling, kicking my feet etc.)

While Truly's costumes and hairstyling are rarely historically accurate (the film is set around 1910), the stylized nature of her fashion is iconic and memorable in itself. Sally Ann also completely pulls off playing a fresh-faced ingenue who is 12+ years younger than her actual age - and I do wonder if the aging-down of Sally Ann is at least part of the reason why Truly wears her hair loose throughout most of the movie! Either way, it works perfectly and I was shocked when I first learned how much older she was than her character. (If you watch her in The Admirable Crichton, where she is also in Edwardian costume and was closer to Truly's actual age, she really doesn't look all that much different. If anything, I think she looks even more glowingly beautiful in Chitty!)

Also, as for Truly wearing her hair down... it may just have been an intentionally anachronistic stylistic choice, but in-story, I think it actually contributes to her character by showing a willingness to flout convention and pursue whatever will make her happy instead of what's expected of her, which happens to be a key theme of her character arc.

Another thing that led me to adore Sally Ann as a person as I learned more about her over the last year: in the 1960s, she appeared as a panelist in quite a few episodes of the game show To Tell the Truth (as well as a few episodes of Password), and these can be found on Youtube. I really adore how her personality shines through - she's unfailingly bubbly, witty, self-deprecating, and a bit quirky. Just listening to her speak is a delight and she has one of the best laughs I've ever heard. Here is one of my favorite little moments that I clipped. 

By all accounts, she was a delightful person to know and work with, witty and clever, very professional, and very serious about her craft. She also always maintained a great affection for and pride in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and her role as Truly, which is always a wonderful thing to know about an actor in a beloved role.

Another bonus: here is a super charming interview with her after a backstage disaster at What Makes Sammy Run? on Broadway.

She was also, along with Twiggy and Diahann Carroll (as Julia Baker), one of the first three celebrities to have her likeness made into a Barbie doll.

Two of her earlier films I recommend are the comedies Fools Rush In (1949) and The Admirable Crichton (1957), if you can find them (hint-hint, you can.) You may also be able to find the 1966 TV movie of her reprising her Tony-nominated role of Fiona in Brigadoon with Robert Goulet, and although I feel like the oddly close-up way the film was shot kinda does a disservice to the actors at times, it's still amazing to be able to see and hear her in a role she performed on Broadway.

Richard Rodgers once called Sally Ann "the greatest singer who ever sang on the American musical stage." Now, I don't quote this to claim this superlative as some kind of objective fact. If you know anything about me, I am very, very strongly opposed to pitting women against each other and all the Golden Age sopranos are absolute queens who deserve crowns, no matter how much mainstream success or present-day name-recognition they have/had. I just think it's phenomenal that she received such high praise from a man who worked with many of the best musical theatre singers who ever lived... and to think, many people today have never even heard her voice. Without her performance as Truly Scrumptious, it's possible almost nobody would in the future! I am so glad that Sally Ann's lasting legacy was ensured by such a beloved film role.

Sadly for us, many of the theatrical roles which she originated (and thus, for which cast albums featuring her exist) were in shows that either flopped quickly or at least did not enter the theatrical canon, so she never achieved the level of mainstream recognition she clearly deserves. But Sally Ann also played such legendary and challenging roles as Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady, Fiona MacLaren in Brigadoon (for which she received a Tony nomination), Maria Rainer von Trapp in The Sound of Music, Anna Leonowens in The King and I, and, much later, Desiree Armfeldt in A Little Night Music. She received great acclaim for all of these performances and, judging by what we know of her process on My Fair Lady, was excellent at making roles distinctly her own and never merely imitating another performer.

Even in her iconic original role of Truly Scrumptious, you don't get to hear the true full power of Sally Ann's extraordinary soprano. For that, I highly recommend listening to "Another Time, Another Place" from Kwamina (1961), and "Something to Live For" from What Makes Sammy Run? (1964). I'm always sad that we don't have any recordings of her in her "fiery" star turn as Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady, but you can at least hear her do a Cockney accent, be silly, and sing "With a Little Bit of Luck" with Bing Crosby here!

If it weren't for the enduring success of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, few people might have even heard of Sally Ann Howes today, and that would be a terrible loss. I cannot overstate that I am so grateful that we all know who she is because she played this role and we get to see her give this radiant performance of a character that's all her own. Maybe this sounds strange, but I think the fact that this was Sally Ann's only musical film role (and the ONLY role most people will ever see her in) makes it even more precious, and makes everything she brings to the character that much more distinctive and unique and special.

Both for all of the talent and charm she brings to the role itself, and everything else that I and many other fans have been able to learn of so much of her otherwise-obscure work because of it, the world is incredibly lucky to have the lovely Sally Ann Howes immortalized as our Truly Scrumptious, and I wouldn't have it any other way 💖

[prokopetz]

Do you happen to know the origin of the fantasy trope in which a deity's power directly corresponds to the number of their believers / the strength of their believers' faith?

I only know it from places like Discworld and DnD that I'm fairly confident are referencing some earlier source, but outside of Tinkerbell in Peter Pan, I can't think of of any specific work it might've come from, 20th-c fantasy really not being my wheelhouse.

Thank you!

That's an interesting question. In terms of immediate sources, I suspect, but cannot prove, that the trope's early appearances in both Dungeons & Dragons and Discworld are most immediately influenced by the oeuvre of Harlan Ellison – his best-known work on the topic, the short story collection Deathbird Stories, was published in 1975, which places it very slightly into the post-D&D era, though most of the stories it contains were published individually earlier – but Ellison certainly isn't the trope's originator. L Sprague de Camp and Fritz Leiber also play with the idea in various forms, as does Roger Zelazny, though only Zelazny's earliest work is properly pre-D&D.

Hm. Off the top of my head, the earliest piece of fantasy fiction I can think of that makes substantial use of the trope in its recognisably modern form is A E van Vogt's The Book of Ptath; it was first serialised in 1943, though no collected edition was published until 1947. I'm confident that someone who's more versed in early 20th Century speculative fiction than I am could push it back even earlier, though. Maybe one of this blog's better-read followers will chime in!

(Non-experts are welcome to offer examples as well, of course, but please double-check the publication date and make sure the work you have in mind was actually published prior to 1974.)

[doobean]

SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN - ISAGI YOICHI

synopsis: A quick game of truth or dare goes a long way for you and your boyfriend.

contents: afab!fem!reader, college au, established relationship, mentions of alcohol, parties, the whole college experience, awkward first times, isagi centric, narration heavy throughout, explicit content (he calls you baby, unprotected, virginity loss, fingering, handjob, saddling, clothes stay on!!, finishing inside, a lil bit of aftercare and cuddles), mdni word count: 3.9K a/n: was originally req on my other blog before i dedicated a whole post to it because why not... also idk if its actually called saddling or not but some of these sex positions have weird names so im just gonna call it saddling (u sit in his lap)

It's not Isagi's fault when the topic comes up. Everyone is drinking—like an absurd amount.

On this particular night, they win their last game of the season, and what better way to celebrate than at Reo Mikage's overly lavished-out apartment? Bachira is the first one to suggest a party and, after minimum persuasion, Reo offers up his place. Tonight is also the night that everyone finds out that Reo has a fucking wine cellar. The type of wine cellars with evil-looking spiral staircases that can hold a multitude of foreign wines and hard liquor that Isagi can't even pronounce even if he tries.

And it's also not Isagi's fault when he agrees to play "truth or dare", foolishly thinking that it'll remain PG-13 as if he had forgotten that having Shidou and Bachira around makes everything but PG-13. Everyone is about four shots in when Shidou's tongue starts getting loose and suddenly everyone becomes interested in their teammates' sex lives — specifically Isagi's sex life with you.

So this is how it happens. This is how they get on this ridiculous tangent.

They’re guys, so the shift in conversation comes as no surprise to Isagi. Even though Isagi doesn’t actually have any legitimate interest in said conversation.

"You can't avoid answering by taking shots," Bachira almost slaps the shot glass from Isagi's grasp as he brings it up to his lips. "C'mon, just tell us already, Yoi."

Approximately ten minutes before his turn, Isagi has learned against his will that Shidou has slept with nearly half of the cheerleading team — all while wearing the school’s mascot costume. His best friend, Bachira Meguru, apparently has a slight degradation kink and is secretly a masochist. Reo and Nagi? Shared a few girlfriends between them during the course of high school and freshman year of college. And now it’s his turn.

"Fuck off," Isagi scoots away from Bachira and settles closer to Rin on his right, the only 'normal' one of the group for tonight. "Can we just skip to the next person?"

The whole team is sitting on the living room floor in a circle, each person clutching either a bottle of alcohol or one of Reo's weirdly expensive shot glasses that he says his father had bought from Switzerland. The whole team, minus Rin, also can't seem to let go of the conversation. Almost as if everyone knows the truth and is waiting for Isagi to say it himself.

"Nuh-uh," Reo sloppily points his finger at Isagi and leans slightly forward, almost faceplanting himself on the floor if Nagi hadn't pulled him back in time. "You've been avoiding all the juicy questions tonight, Isagi."

Maybe it's his secretly inflated ego but Isagi likes to think of himself as a good boyfriend. And a good boyfriend should keep all private details... private. Even if there are no details to share.

"You guys are drunk." Isagi points out and nudges an overly tipsy Bachira away with his foot.

Kunigami leans against the couch behind him and throws his head towards the ceiling. "That's the whole reason why we're playing this in the first place."

"So, answer the question, Isagi." Shidou tips his wine bottle back, it's nearly empty, and goes in for another drink. "How often do y'all do it?" He asks with a sly smirk.

Isagi bites his lips, trying his best to look threatening while the red from the alcohol blushes his cheeks. "I'm not answering."

Chigiri huffs from across and jabs Shidou's side. "Just give him a dare instead, this is getting boring."

"Rinnie, give him a good one."

Rin flicks Shidou a seething glare at the nickname but the other male laughs it off. Everyone does because, unlike Rin and Isagi, everyone is currently shitfaced. Still, Isagi can't help but wonder what his long-term rival has up his sleeves. They didn't have the best friendship, but at least they can somewhat acknowledge each other's skills to some degree, even if Rin can be a dick at times.

After what seems to be a long while, Rin speaks up. "I dare you to go home."

He says it so nonchalantly that it makes Isagi almost spit out his drink. "Excuse me?"

Rin repeats it again and Bachira, who's now seven shots in, chimes in. "Oh! So he can fuck his girlfriend, right?"

Rin rolls his eyes, wearing an exasperated expression. "Yeah, sure."

On any other day, Isagi would feel offended but that isn't the first emotion that overcomes him. He feels oddly... relieved? But he can't let the other drunkards know that, obviously. Rin gives him a knowing look and takes another shot.

"Dumbass, are you going to do it or not?"

Tonight's been weird, Isagi thinks. Is his rival looking out for him?

Isagi hesitantly stands up and settles his drink on a nearby tabletop before shuffling towards the front door to grab his gym bag and backpack in the corner. "You guys are losing your minds." He fakes a frown.

"Ugh, you're no fun Rinnie."

"Isagi Yoichi doesn't do shit with his girl, that's all I'm hearing."

"Waah? No, he definitely does! I think?"

He drowns out the background noises as he pulls out his phone and hovers over the Uber app. Hopefully, his teammates will forget about this interaction by tomorrow morning.

And while Isagi knows that it shouldn't matter, he would be lying to himself if he hadn't thought about taking things to the next level with you. Still, he feels like it shouldn't be his choice to decide the pace of the relationship. He's an average student in terms of academic performance and has already secured a spot on the national team before graduation. On the other hand, you're currently studying almost every night to keep your scholarship and aspire to get into graduate school. Isagi would be absolutely floored if he suddenly became a distraction — your distraction.

Which explains why during the course of the six-month relationship the most that you guys have gone far with is second base: makeout sessions and basically anything that's above the waistline.

Instead of heading back to his apartment, Isagi finds himself typing in your campus address into the Uber search bar. He doesn't really know why but maybe the combination of the alcohol and vulnerable conversations tonight really messed something in his weird brain. Your place is pretty close to his, so he can just walk home afterward, and plus he needs to see you to... what? To vent? Maybe that's what he needs.

It didn't take long when he finally arrived in front of your apartment. Most of the alcohol by now has settled down, so hopefully he doesn't look like a mess when he sees you.

Isagi rings the bell. There’s a moment’s silence, then a shuffling, the sound of the door clicking in the lock, and —

"Yoichi?"

Your hair is down and slightly damp as if you had just come out of the shower not long ago. You're wearing one of Isagi's old shirts that he gave you on one of your earlier dates, a large graphic tee featuring a faded-out character from a show he doesn't remember. The shirt hangs barely past your thighs and... Isagi's eyes bug out just a bit because of course you're not wearing shorts. A good deal of your thighs are exposed, and Isagi wonders why he feels so goddamn uncomfortable about that. 

He hears his name again and snaps his eyes up. "S-Sorry, is it late for you?"

Your laugh makes his stomach flip a few times. He knows it's late. It's nearly midnight but you're still making time to talk to him. God, he feels lucky to have someone who's as patient as you.

"You know you're always welcome over, right?" You step aside and motion your arms inside. "Come in, you look like you have a lot on your mind, Yoichi."

Isagi is also grateful that you like to keep the lights off when you study, excluding the tiny desk lamp you have, because the last thing he wants to happen is you making fun of his alcohol-ridden cheeks. He's pretty sure you can smell the tequila from his breath as he thanks you, and also sure that all that weird watermelon-flavored vaping smell from Karasu and Otoya is sticking to his clothes. Because you're the way you are, he knows that you'll offer to wash his clothes because the next thing you say is —

"You smell, Yoichi. And not in a good way!"

Okay, he didn't expect those exact words to fly out of your mouth, but he understands what your intentions are.

Isagi throws his hands up in defense and laughs. "The guys went a bit too hard, I know. Can't exactly help that."

He allows you to remove his jacket and you point toward your drawers. "I think I still have some of your clothes somewhere there. Just throw the rest in the hamper and I'll get to it."

And he does exactly that. Isagi ends up wearing a shirt that he could've sworn he lost forever ago and a pair of boxers that he lets you wear from time to time. It's not unusual for you to have some of his clothes since you guys have made it a tradition to try and have somewhat regular sleepovers on weekends that aren't crammed with football games and practice exams.

Once he hears your in-unit washing machine go off, he walks out and makes himself at home on your couch. It's been a long day, and he knows that he shouldn't extend his stay judging from your bookmarked textbooks and wall of sticky notes of god knows what formulas, but he finds the remote and flips on the television.

Oh, perfect. It seems that the show you two were binging from days ago is still paused.

"Hey," You plop down next to him and curl up to his side. Isagi tries his best to not stare at your thighs. "Wanna tell me what's on your mind?"

Isagi finds his shoulders immediately relaxing at your words and lets his mouth run with a small pout accompanying his lips afterward. "For the record, everyone was drunk so I doubt they would remember tomorrow, but they were pretty nosy about our sex lives."

You blink and tip your head. "Oh, well did you tell them?"

Isagi groans, breaking eye contact, and lifts a hand to his head to rub away the incoming headache. "No, I don't think they'll let go of it if I've told them."

It's stupid and irrational, Isagi knows that for sure. But he really doesn't want his private business being spread around by a bundle of testosterone and egotistical college guys. Not with your name in the mix.

"Then, do you want to change that?" You ask quietly, tugging Isagi out of his thoughts. Your words take him by complete surprise. In fact, that's the last thing he expected you to say. He'd expected more of your usual harmless complaints against his team.

Isagi withdraws back, just enough to see if maybe you're also drunk, but the sobriety of your straight face is enough to convince him that maybe you've gone insane instead. "What? We don't have to do anything just because of the guys. I want you to feel comfortable, you know?"

"I know!" You say in a rush and he flinches at your volume.

He makes out your flustered cheeks with the dim lighting from the television and suddenly you start fidgeting with the hems of your shirt. It's at that moment that Isagi takes note that he's been shamelessly staring at your thighs for god knows how long.

You bury your face into his shoulders as you continue. "Are you bored in our relationship, Yoi?"

Now Isagi is really confused and, frankly, a bit scared. Are you going to break up with him? Or do you think he's going to break up with you?

A free hand cradles your head while the other takes a tight grasp of your hands. Isagi holds you close as he places a longing kiss on your forehead. "Of course not, why on earth would you even think that? Is everything alright?"

He feels your body squirming around for a bit and then a shaky sigh. "We just—we never do anything. I don’t want you to feel embarrassed when you’re around your friends."

Ah shit, that’s where he fucked up.

"Hey, sorry I didn’t mean to come off that way. I’m not ashamed of what we currently do. I just think it’s best to keep things private to ourselves at the end of the day as opposed to sharing it with others." He explains.

"But don’t you ever just wanna do more than making out?"

He blinks and his mouth gapes. "What?"

"All we ever do is make out, you don’t touch me anywhere else but my chest… don't you want to go further?" Your voice lowers significantly at the last bit. 

You’re still not looking to meet his gaze. And you’re actively trying not to because Isagi feels the weight of your head leaning against his body more. He doesn’t push it and instead accepts it. Clearly, this is something that he didn’t foresee. Maybe you’re also like him, uncertain and awkward about bringing up the topic. 

Isagi arranges his face in the most neutral expression, ignoring his thundering heart, before lifting your head off his shoulders. "Then do you want to mess around a bit?"

You answer in a way that makes him melt. Your arms sling around his neck, lips soon finding solitude against his, seemingly not caring if his breath does smell one too many shots of alcohol from earlier. Isagi is taken aback by your sudden boldness and it takes him a moment to register what’s going on before returning the same energy back. A quick swipe from your tongue is all he needs to know that you’ve been touch-starved for too long.

You're straddling his lap now and the boxers Isagi's currently wearing is doing a rather poor job of masking the huge tent that's grinding right against you. He pulls away from the heated kiss, watching in a daze as a trail of salvia connects between you two, and winces when he feels your weight pressing against his length. 

"W-Wait, slow down a bit…" He tries to lift you up but you stay steady in his lap.

Your hands rest on his chest and you shake your head. "I wanna go all the way tonight. Can we do that, Yoichi?" There’s something about the way his name rolls off your tongue that sets Isagi off but he has to make about one thing.

"Are you sure? Like positive?"

And the heat in your gaze holds a clear promise — you want this more than anything.

He tries to lift you up slightly again, and this time you follow along. Isagi feels you flinch under his touch as his calloused fingers trace their way down to your panties, toying with the lace ribbon at the front before slipping underneath the cotton fabric. It’s completely soaked through and the way his index finger easily slides between your folds has you almost crying out in embarrassment. 

“Baby,” Isagi hisses through his teeth as he gets familiar with the foreign gummy walls. “All this for me?”

Your boldness from before seems to have dissipated once Isagi took control. You only sigh in response when Isagi nips at the space between your neck and shoulder. Isagi groans against your skin when you find yourself sinking deeper into his finger from the touch.

“Touch me more, please…” 

Having you this close to him, holding him, spilling out these phrases that he didn’t expect to hear, it’s all too much for Isagi. His lips reconnect with yours again, this time with more force and desperation. Your body shudders and twitches under his palm as he picks up his rhythm, inserting an additional finger and then a third one. 

“Does that feel good, baby? Tell me how you like it.” Isagi pays close attention to the small shifts on your face as he attempts to stretch out your walls bit by bit. “Let me know if it’s too much and I’ll stop.”

You bury your face deep into his shoulders once more. “Don’t stop, it feels really good, Yoichi.” It’s his turn to twitch when he feels a hand palming at his own arousal. “Can I have a turn, too?” You have no idea how much weight your words carry. A simple question like that makes Isagi’s stomach twist in knots.

“Y-Yeah, you can.”

The position is a bit awkward but, eventually, it ends with your hands engulfing around his throbbing length poking out from his boxers while he’s knuckle-deep in your entrance. The slick, wet sounds coming from your folds is the only audible noise in the room, other than your occasional mews and Isagi's muffled grunts as you pump him off.

When his length is embarrassingly covered in his pre, Isagi releases his digits from your warmth. "I'm going to finish at this rate, baby." He breathes out.

You shyly meet his eyes, both of you jolting at the incredibly warm and slippery mess you've created from playing with each other when you line his length against your entrance. "I'm going to put it in, Yoi." Your voice is shaky and your free hand grips his thigh as you slowly descend.

Isagi breathes out a raspy gasp as he watches your heat swallow his length. Seeing his arousal disappear inch by inch is a sight that he’ll burn in his mind forever and, when your walls squeeze around him, it takes everything in his power to not cum right then and there. His hands immediately find home on your hips, thumbs digging into the sides and his digits kneading at the flesh of your ass. You’re tight, hot, and overwhelming all at the same time. The feeling consumes him entirely.

"Fuck," Isagi throws his head back and screws his eyes shut. "Don't move—give me a second."

You moan in return, eyes shifting away from the sight. "Take your time, Yoi."

Isagi lets you cockwarm him for a few seconds, feeling himself slowly calming down as he adjusts to your tight walls and begins to thrust slowly. You don't bother shielding your moans, and it makes things all just a bit harder for him to concentrate.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing, only going off of what he’s seen from the occasional porn videos he’s seen. Isagi thinks he’s doing a decent job, even though his mind is going absolutely crazy right now. Your erratic moans are right against his ears and the sounds coming from your warmth are the only things keeping him in check. Isagi’s palms rest steadily on your ass as he continues plundering in and out of your sloppy folds from the couch. It isn’t long before you’re shaking and sweating against him, making your earlier shower completely pointless.

You cry out, over-sensitive and shaky, clenching down on him. Isagi's vision gets hazy and soon he realizes that his eyes are misting over, small pools of tears gathering at the corners of his eyes, threatening to smear his cheeks. He'd never expected something like this can render him so weak.

Your voice grows hoarse from the volume you're emitting and Isagi hopes you don't receive a noise complaint from your neighbors tomorrow. He leans forward, helpless to let your cries go unanswered, and smothers the noises with his mouth. Your ass meets every thrust he pushes forward and feeling the familiar heat building up in his stomach, Isagi knows he isn't going to last that much longer.

One of his hands snakes up your shirt and cups one of your breasts, toying with your nipple, while the other hovers over your clit. He feels your entire body trembling, chest heaving, and walls throbbing all around him. "Yoichi, it's too good...!"

"Hold out just a bit longer, baby." Isagi's thumb begins circling your bud and it's the final push for you. Your mouth tilts forward, hips bucking and grinding, and you squeeze him so tight that he doesn't have the time to pull out, coating your walls with his white mess. Everything feels hot like fire spreading across his entire body.

Once he feels your body slack against his, he snaps out of his thoughts and immediately pulls out, grimacing at the sheer amount of cum that flows out of you.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I'll run to the store tomorrow morning, baby." His breathing is labored but he still manages to press his lips to your forehead, and he inhales. "You did amazing."

"Mhmm," You make a vague noise that sounds like a bit like acknowledgment to his ears.

Isagi loosens his arms around your body, shifting your figure to sit up by the edge of the couch, and waddles to the bathroom to fetch a damp towel. When he returns, your eyes are half-lidded and you look like you're one second away from passing out from exhaustion. He's not sure if it's from the sex or that you probably stayed up all day studying.

When the sounds of his footsteps come closer, you peer up and lock eyes, taking his breath away. "Will you stay the night?" And he almost laughs on the spot.

"I'm not gonna do a hit and run, baby. You really think I'm doing that?"

He removes your ruined panties and cleans up the cum running down your inner thighs. After fetching you a set of new underwear, he finds the last of his strength for the night and scoops you up, moving only a few feet to the comfort of your twin-sized mattress. Isagi tucks you in slightly, leaving enough room for him to slide in when he changes into a new pair of bottoms.

"You're too nice to be an ass, I guess." You reply, tracing small patterns onto his chest.

He slings an arm over you, pulling you closer, and lets one of your legs rest over his stomach. "Hey, I can be mean when I want to!" Isagi shoots back.

Your chuckles send vibrations down his chest. "So, are you going to tell your friends about tonight?"

"Fuck no," Isagi presses another kiss to your head again and tightens his grip around you. "I don't even want to know what they do with that information." There's a pause and he blinks. "Are you going to tell anyone?"

You stay quiet for a while and Isagi groans, knowing the exact person you were going to text when the opportunity arrives. "Just Rin! You know that we're best friends, right?"

Ugh, he doesn't really want his rival to know about his sex life but he can't exactly stop you from talking about these types of things to your childhood friend. Isagi rubs circles into your back and pouts slightly. "Keep the details to a minimum."

"No promises, Yoichi." But he knows that you're only joking. And even if you did spew all the details to Rin, at least Isagi can sleep peacefully at night knowing that the other male minds own his business.

A yawn escapes from your lips and you snuggle deeper against his body. "Do you have a busy day tomorrow?"

"Nah, everything's pretty much wrapped up for me." He responds, feeling the fatigue catching up as well. "Did you want me to stay over again tomorrow?"

"Only if you promise to add a pack of condoms to the shopping list."

He smiles, jotting down the mental note before shutting his eyes. "Anything for you, baby."

another note: hehe ty for making it this far!! idk why i named it seven minutes in heaven bc it has nothing to do w the game but lets just say the whole sex experience lasted seven mins bc that's p normal for first time ig??

[patrophthia]

what letters? | james potter

pairing: james potter x reader

genre: miscommunications, angst, unrequited crushes, fluffy ending, not proofread

wc: 3.1k

originally posted on wattpad

"you deserve someone better," peter said in confirmation to her words (despite her tone being laced with sarcasm).

"you deserve me," sirius chirped in, smiling charmingly. she rolled her eyes, feigning annoyance, only for his grin to grow wider. "scratch that, you're too good for me love."

"you deserve prongs."

there's nothing worse than being stood up on a date. being sat there, waiting for someone who would not show up, feeling as though everyone's eyes were on you, silently judging you for your lack of luck.

it feels even more terrible when you're sat at a crowded place, people roaming around thinking they've found an empty spot only to find out that you were sat there: at a table for two or more on your own.

"guess what?" james asked, sitting down beside her in the empty booth without sparing a second thought. if he noticed her sour mood, his didn't show it.

"what?" she mumbled, amusing him.

"so you know how evans and i are partnered up for potions?" he said slowly, moving closer to her so sirius, peter, and remus could slide into the booth as well. at her nod, he continued, "and do you recall how i fancied her for so many years?"

"i think i do," she answered, feeling slightly nauseous at the prospect that maybe just maybe lily finally gave in and agreed to go on a date with him. "what about it?"

"so i was talking to her today and for the first time in forever, i didn't feel anything."

she looked at him skeptically, taking in his words into consideration. "congratulations?"

"congratulating me feels a bit pathetic," he said off-handedly, voice calmer than when he first started. clearing his throat, james leaned back to the booth as he decided to switch the topic. "so how was the date- oh."

so he did not notice her sour mood.

"he's ugly anyways," james said firmly, "he's a waste of time, you're too good for him."

it seemed as of he was stating his opinion rather than trying to comfort her, saying every uplifting thing he could think of. and before she even knew it, the other three boys joined in, trying to lighten up their mood.

she couldn't stay upset for long when their smiles were so infectious, the corner of her lips turning up as well. "yeah, yeah, i get it. that's enough, i'm out of his league. i know."

"you deserve someone better," peter said in confirmation to her words (despite her tone being laced with sarcasm).

"you deserve me," sirius chirped in, smiling charmingly. she rolled her eyes, feigning annoyance, only for his grin to grow wider. "scratch that, you're too good for me love."

"you deserve prongs."

•••

one of the things she hated most about being close to the marauders was how much they shared their life with her. being the only girl in their friend group, she was the designated person to go to whenever there were girls problems.

she didn't mind remus, peter, or even sirius when they came for advice but there was always something bothering her when james came to her. it hurt to hear him talk about other girls he wanted to go on dates with.

she couldn't understand why it stung so much, hurting to an extent that she couldn't quite describe, it felt as if it was a deep frustration kept inside of glass bottle, unable to be opened unless it was shattered. she succumbed when the pressure became to much, confiding in sirius and remus her feelings only to have them point it out. she fancied james.

she fancied her best friend.

and every guy she'd dated ever since he became infatuated with lily evans was just a ruse to distract herself from her real feelings. maybe that was why she didn't feel sad but rather annoyed when she was stood up on a date. why sirius purposely nudged her in what he deemed was the right direction when he said that she deserved someone like james.

she mustered up the courage to tell him how she felt multiple times but was always discouraged whenever he brought lily up, whenever he mentioned anything that she did and put her up on a pedestal.

lily was great, she knew that, she was friends with lily herself and the girl is nothing but an angel.

and as much as she thought that the two of them would make a good couple, she couldn't help but feel relieved when james told her he'd finally gotten over her. maybe this was the right time for her to finally make her move.

there was a knock on the door making her perk up from her seat. clearing her throat and straightening out her shirt, she called out. "come in!"

the doorknob turned, the door creaking open the slightest bit, unruly black hair peeking through the small opening, james had an hand over his glasses. "are you decent?"

with a short laugh, she answered him, "i am."

james came in, a goofy grin on his face when he shut the door behind him. standing almost awkwardly, he looked at her. "a little werewolf told me, you wanted to see me."

"i do." she can't help but smile in return, patting an empty spot besides her. james came forward, taking her invitation for him to be sat. "i wanted to tell you something."

james looked at her patiently, hanging onto her every word. "what is it?"

she gulped, running the scenario over one last time before she spoke it out loud. it was the day before the school year ended, everyone would be on their way back home tomorrow and it was now or never. she was going to tell him how she felt.

and it only took sirius promising her that if she confessed, he would take her on a book shopping spree, all expenses paid by him, even if they were hard covers. the things sirius would do for his friends to be in love.

"promise you won't be mad at me?"

james frowned, his brows furrowing. "why would i ever be mad at you?"

she huffed anxiously, looking to the side. "you might be after i tell you this."

james thought about it for a second, frown not once wavering. "i promise i won't be mad at you."

"okay," she mumbled more to herself than anything, gathering up everything she had in herself for her next words, "i like you. a lot."

james frowned deepened, why would he be mad at her for liking him?

and then it hit him, his eyes widening. she liked him unliked the way she liked sirius or remus or peter, she fancied him. "oh."

"are you mad at me now?" she asked slowly.

james shook his head frantically, denying it. "no, no, no, i promise you i wouldn't be. why would i even be mad at you?"

she studied him, trying to see if he was actually mad at her yet he was being the kind person he is or if he was being genuine. finally she settled on, explaining to him her thought process instead. "because this could potentially ruin our friendship."

"it doesn't," james murmured softly, skipping over her confession. "nothing can ruin our friendship."

•••

"hey remus," she said, clutching her landline close to her ear, "have you heard from james?"

"yeah, why?"

"nothing," she replied way too quickly for either of them to believe her. "[name]..." remus drawled out slowly, trying to get her to let up on whatever it is that bothered her. "i told him."

remus kept silent for a second, she could hear shuffling from his side of the call. "and what did he say?" he asked finally.

she cleared her throat, wondering how their phone call went from the topic of the full moon to this. it was summer break, everyone being back in their respective homes.

sirius was at his flat, his doors open for whenever she needed company. remus was back home, staying with his parents as he helped his mother with her work. peter was at a summer camp, he didn't tell them much about it and they never bothered to ask, if he was okay then it was good enough. james was on vacation with his family, going to see as much of europe as they possibly can.

ever since the break started, she had kept consistent contact with them. remus had picked up every call, answered every letter and even flooed to her house when she'd asked him to. she'd helped sirius moved into his new flat —bought with his uncle's money and even stayed with him as he settled in for while. peter wrote back as much as he could which was to say not much, but the good news was he found a kind girl named ava, he'd even had his first kiss with her.

she'd spoken to all of them but james. there was not a single word that's been exchanged between the two ever since break started. she couldn't call him so she opted on owling him, but her owl always came back empty handed. she was getting worried, maybe his promise of not being mad broke.

"nothing," she answered.

there was a hum from remus, a sense of tranquility falling between the invisible line. "he never knows what to say anyways. have you tried talking to him?"

"i have," she said quietly, "he hasn't replied to any of my letters. i've sent dozens and i haven't heard a single hello in return."

"maybe it got lost," remus suggested tiredly.

she made a sound of agreement before countering, "or maybe he doesn't want to talk to me anymore."

"no," remus dismissed, "he probably forgot to answer, you know how prongs is."

"i've got to go," she said, ready to hang up, "i'll see you on the train?"

"i'll see you then," remus said, and then just before the call ended, he added, "don't over think it, james is an idiot."

•••

"[name]!" sirius cheered the moment he saw her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder the second he got to her side. "how's my pretty girl doing?"

she looked at him with a small struggling smile, unable to carry her luggages under his weight. sirius noticed, pulling out his wand and levitating it behind them. "i'm good, how are you pads?"

"i'm as great as you are," he muttered before spotting remus, calling out for the lanky marauder to join the pair of them. remus kissed his mother on the cheek, bidding his father goodbye then turned to them with a timid smile. sirius repeated his question the second remus came within ear shot. "how's my lovely boy doing?"

"i've been better," he said honestly. sirius took his appearance in, brows furrowing when he noted that remus was still recovering. sirius repeated his spell, levitating remus' luggages behind the three of them as well. "where's prongs?"

"i dunno," sirius said carelessly, completely indifferent with how she tensed up beneath his arm. "i'm sure he's waiting for us in one of the carriages."

"or not," remus muttered, and before he had the chance to rethink his words, he blurted out, "he's probably with evans, they're the new head boy and girl after all."

they are?

james had not told her anything, not one single thing since break started and met its end. and now this?

she felt her stomach drop, every muscle in her body going weak. she froze in her step, unable to keep moving with the information in mind. he was with her, again. she knew that it was wrong for her to feel this way, james had a life, he can do whatever he pleased.

but it did not feel good knowing that neither sirius nor remus told her about this revelation before hand. not until she was to face him again.

"what's wrong?" sirius asked with worry, halting in his steps as well.

remus eyes widened, finally realizing the consequences of his own words. merlin, how he longed to dig himself into a hole right then and there.

"nothing," she answered after a while, feigning a smile. "nothing's wrong."

sirius gazed at her skeptically, disbelieving. "are you sure?" at her nod, sirius pursed his lips, accepting it for now. "let's find ourselves some seats then."

sirius led the way onto the hogwarts express, passing carriages upon carriages to try and find an empty one. eventually, he found one with an all too familiar face in it.

sat there with a big smile was james potter in all his glory, chatting to peter about who knows what. it didn't take long for him to notice their presence, smile growing wider when he stood up, opening up the carriage's door for them.

she turned, not wanting to be trapped in the same compartment as james for the next seven -eight? hours of the train ride only for her wrist to be caught before she could make her escape. glancing up at the arm, she found remus looking back at her with worried eyes.

she shook her head, silently begging for him to let go but remus didn't budge, his grip on her wrist tightened, keeping her in place. "i'm okay remus."

"please," she pleaded so quietly that he almost hadn't heard it. almost. reluctantly remus dropped his hand, letting her go. "i'll see you at dinner."

and with that she left, finding a seat on the other side of the train with her dorm mates and other housemates. her luggages were already put away and she trusted sirius enough to not lose her stuff.

"where's [name]?" asked james from his spot, her stuff was there but where was she? he hadn't seen her in so long. "she left," remus snapped, seeming as if he was ready to bite james' head off but he chalked it up as the after full moon effect. "why?"

"i don't know mate, you tell me."

•••

ignoring james potter was a hard process, the boy was loud (and obnoxious) his presence was everywhere she looked, from her classes to the great hall when all she wanted was a sandwich. "good morning."

"morning," remus said in return, settling besides her on her house table. "did the daily prophet come in yet?"

she thought about it for a second, chewing on her food. "no."

remus nodded, tiredly rubbing his eyes. "prong's asking for you."

"he is?" she asked with slight surprise.

"he thinks you're avoiding him." remus paused for a second, watching as sirius sat down opposing them. "which you are," he added pointedly, "but he wants to know why."

she opened her mouth, ready to reply when she spotted the fore-mentioned boy approaching their table. she stood up, grabbing her stuff as quick as she could and bid remus and sirius goodbyes.

"it happened again!" james exclaimed the moment he landed by sirius' side. "she didn't even say hello!"

•••

james had had enough. it had been three months and two weeks since she admitted her feelings to him and he never once had the chance to speak to her since. he didn't understand why she didn't talk to him on the train then and he didn't understand it now.

when the five of them were sat in the same room, talking within themselves. she had barely even look at him, only chatting with sirius, remus, and peter, it was as though he didn't exist.

he'd had enough, he decided, standing up abruptly. she was sat at sirius' desk, joking with remus —who was sat on sirius' bed about something james couldn't comprehend. making his way over, james cleared his throat, gathering their attention.

"why are you ignoring me?" he asked directly, ignoring the cautious looks that both remus and sirius threw at him.

playing dumb, she frowned. "i'm ignoring you?"

"don't act daft! you've have been ignoring me and you know it!" james said accusingly, "you told me you fancied me and got me all happy and confused and then you proceed to go out of your way to avoid me so please, for godric's sake, why have you been ignoring me?"

"why have i been ignoring you?" she repeated incredulously, "you ignored me first. that's why i'm ignoring you."

"what do you mean i ignored you first?!" he exclaimed with disbelief, "i haven't seen you in three months and when i finally do you won't even look at me, how is any of this my fault?"

"how is any of this your fault?" she repeated, her tone ridiculing him. "i sent you dozens of letters and you never answered! i thought you hated me!"

"letters?" james asked, "what letters?"

she scoffed, "i wrote to you. all through summer. and you never once answered. screw that, i don't care that you didn't answer because maybe they got lost since you kept on traveling but you knew where i'd be and yet you never wrote a single word to me."

"i thought you hated me, i thought you didn't want to see me anymore so i didn't see the point in wanting to see you."

james bit his lips, considering her words. "i didn't write to you because i wanted to give you space."

"when you told me you liked me i was ecstatic, i was also so confuse because i didn't understand why i felt so happy. i thought i liked evans but it's always been you all along and i didn't know how to accept that so i never said anything. i promised you i wouldn't be mad at you let alone hate you and i never was, not once was i mad at you. i was mad at myself for not realizing i loved you sooner."

"what am i supposed to say to that james." she huffed out, feeling helpless. the other three boys were listening in, watching as the drama unfolded while simultaneously silently rooting for them to get with one another, she knew they were.

"that you love me too," james suggested weakly, "i would really like it if you told me you love me too."

"i do," she admitted, "i've always loved you james."

james broke out into a grin. "so you're my girlfriend now?" he asked cheekily. she rolled his eyes, smiling at him as well. "take me out on a date first." he beamed at her, "of course, when are you free gorgeous?"

"when i'm done scamming your best friend's money for books."

—from bee: sigh jamesssss :<

[maxknightley]

Which Touhou Girls Can You Plausibly Read As Butch? A Comprehensive Overview

Earlier on Tumblr I saw a post complaining that someone called Hecatia Lapislazuli from Touhou Project butch. This is Hecatia Lapislazuli:

Obviously, like most Touhou characters, she is in fact quite feminine - she just shops at Hell Hot Topic. But it got me thinking: In a series like Touhou, with a cast overwhelmingly defined by feminine (if rowdy) ladies, how many characters could you say are 'butch' without sounding like a complete doofus or significantly redesigning them to fit your headcanon?

CRITERIA

I'll be using four main criteria to judge characters' butchness. In real life, of course, butchness is a multivalent and extremely personal thing, but I'm talking about funny cartoon women from a video game here, so I'm willing to be a little reductive.

These criteria, in order of descending importance, are:

FASHION. In a series where goddamn near everyone is in either a dress or a skirt, the mere act of Wearing A Dress Shirt can be enough to make a powerful statement. Hats may also play a role here, given how many Touhou characters have gay little hats.

HAIRSTYLE. Short hair is not the be-all and end-all of butchness. I, myself, am Decidedly Butch even though I've been growing out my hair since college. But the length and styling of the hair are still a valuable indicator of how someone thinks of themself and wants to be seen.

'TUDE. Could this character be accurately described as "kind of a frat boy?" How do they speak to others? Do they just kind of seem like a character who ought to be butch, regardless of their looks? Do they even lift?

COMEDY FACTOR. Self-explanatory. This will probably only come into play if I run into a weird edge case.

I'll also emphasize that we're grading on a curve here - butchness is being assessed relative to the characters who do not appear on this list. Nobody in this series has a buzzcut, you know what I mean?

THE TIER LIST

AS CLOSE TO CANON AS WE'LL GET

Fujiwara no Mokou. The girl wears a dress shirt, fucking suspenders, and trousers. Not shorts, actual full-length pants. She's also in a perpetual love-hate mutual-murder situationship with Princess Kaguya, who is femme as all fuck. Obviously you don't have to be butch to date a femme - I'm just saying it feels Fitting given their whole deal.

Yuugi Hoshiguma. Most of the time, her fashion sense is actually quite feminine - but her look in the most recent chapter of Cheating Detective Satori, with the one exposed shoulder and the sarashi and all that, significantly alters the balance. Her hair actually reads as more masc to me when she keeps it long and unruly - when she puts it up in a ponytail, she ends up looking very kempt, even elegant. The deciding factor here is 'Tude: Her sheer levels of butch swag are off the fucking charts. (Still, I wouldn't blame someone for arguing she should be knocked down a tier - especially since I'd argue the Comedy Factor works in reverse here. She's way funnier if she doesn't think of herself as butch in the slightest.)

Minamitsu Murasa. In his original appearance I'd argue that Murasa is in "Reasonable" tier - maybe even as low as "Kind of a Stretch." But her big gay Jotaro jacket in Sunken Fossil World, combined with the emphasis on the weightiness and solidity of his trademark anchor, put her over the top. One of the only Touhou girls I consider worthy of being He/Himmed.

Shinmyoumaru Sukuna. The other He/Him-worthy Touhou girl. Very short, slightly messy hair; wears a kimono, not a dress; inheritor of Issun-Boshi's legacy; wears fucking dinnerware as a hat. Why do you want to be Big so badly, huh? So you can pick up women more easily? So you can carry your awful wife through the upside-down threshold of your upside-down bedroom?

Raiko Horikawa. For the longest time I thought her skirt was a pair of shorts because I straight up could not parse it as anything else. Even now I'm like "that can't possibly be a skirt, ZUN just drew it weird. She has to be wearing a full two-piece suit." Skirt aside, her jacket/dress shirt/necktie are still undeniable, as is her short hair. Also, she is a taiko drum given life, and I feel like taiko and timpanis are naturally butch. Maybe if she was a tambourine or a set of bongos I'd rank her lower?

Momoyo Himemushi. Rough-talking miner. Wears a dress shirt, leaves the top button(?) undone. Tromps around a big weird cave with no shoes or socks on. Wears bows and bangles basically everywhere but in her messy, tangled hair. Also, maybe I'm stereotyping here, but I just can't picture a centipede as being femme.

REASONABLE

Wriggle Nightbug. The dress shirt, cape, and puffy shorts all paint a vivid picture, but I just feel like I don't have a strong enough opinion on Wriggle as a character to put her in the top tier. In other words, she's got plenty of points for Fashion and quite a few for Hairstyle, but I just don't think the 'Tude is sufficient for me.

Reisen Udongein Inaba. The skirts are a strike against her, but her whole "dress shirt + necktie + sometimes suit jacket" thing makes a big difference, especially given that we're grading on a curve. Her rumpled ears and (particularly in Inaba of the Moon, Inaba of the Earth) pathetic demeanor go a long way towards giving her a vibe somewhere between "overworked salaryman" and "Detective Columbo."

Aya Shameimaru. All you need to know about Aya is that her "human reporter" disguise looks like This:

Mononobe no Futo. Butch, but in a really weird, circuitous way, imo. Like. She's sort of wearing a dress, but it's sort of a robe - the contrast of the hemline with her big flowy sleeves makes it hard to pin down - and her outfit quite notably has tassels rather than any kind of frills. I don't know what the hell is up with her hat but it's definitely not femme by any stretch of the imagination. Then thou hast the wayes in which she speaketh all "faux-olde-timey," even though nobody else in the setting does that... she transferred her soul into a plate, but she also throws plates around as weapons... It's like she's constantly putting on a performance that only she truly understands. It's like she reverse-engineered "masculine womanhood" by hanging out with a bunch of queens and doing kind of the same thing but kind of the inverse. The more I think about Futo the more I think she's entirely on her own wavelength, but I think "Reasonable" tier is a... uh, reasonable... approximation for the sake of this post.

Sagume Kishin. She dresses like if Bill Nye were a woman, and I think that cuts to the heart of it - she reminds me of a professor who you're not ever sure is gay, but you kind of pick up on a vibe, and near the end of the semester she offhandedly refers to "her partner" and you're like HOLY SHIT I KNEW IT. I went back and forth between putting her in "Reasonable" and "Kind of a Stretch"; ultimately, the Comedy Factor decided it because I couldn't stop thinking about a scenario where she says she's a woman, accidentally upends her whole understanding of gender in the process, and ends up taking testosterone while still ID'ing as a lesbian. I don't actually know if her powers would work that way and I don't care.

KIND OF A STRETCH

Eiki Shiki. I don't have a lot to go on, here, because she hasn't had many official appearances and seems to spend most of her time lecturing people or tormenting sinners. Her uniform(?)/apothecary outfit(??) is pretty snazzy; combined with the hat, it gives her a vaguely "military officer" look to me. We'll call her "butch pending further investigation," which I think she would agree is the correct course of action.

Sekibanki. She's here partially because of the cape, and partially because being sandwiched between Wakasagihime and Kagerou makes her look way more masc by contrast. I know what I said.

Ringo. It's pretty much just the hat and the pants, though - as a butch woman who Loves Eating - I am also inclined to project my own experiences onto her.

Aunn Komano. She reads as more "tomboyish" than outright "butch" to me, what with her whole puppy-dog vibe, but at the same time... she's very much wearing shorts and the kind of goofy-looking button-up shirt that is central to my own wardrobe and the wardrobe of other butches in my life. I'm willing to count her.

Takane Yamashiro. A living testament to the power of small character design choices. I would never in a million years call Nitori butch, even with her gay little hat and all the pouches on her outfit - she just looks like a girl scout. Takane, though? Takane, with her little hair swoopy, and the fucking suitcase slung over her back, and her camo-print dress? I mean - ultimately it is still a dress, which is why I can't justify scoring her higher, but she's definitely chewing tobacco and riding around on an ATV on weekends.

Chiyari Tenkaijin. If she's butch, it's not really because she's trying to be butch, it's just because being femme seems too expensive and time-consuming. She's got better things to do (drink blood all day). Still, I think an argument could be made.

DEFINITELY A STRETCH, BUT I RESPECT IT

Renko Usami. ZUN is kind of inconsistent with how he draws her hat - sometimes it's more of a porkpie/fedora type thing, other times it's round-topped and looks a bit like Koishi's hat. To me, this is a crucial distinction. In a more general sense, I feel like Renko's outfit gets a little less plausibly-masc with each passing album, which says a lot about our society. Or her society, anyway, since she lives in the future. Still, the capelets and bowties...

Rinnosuke Morichika. I think it would be really funny if the only significant male character in Touhou wasn't actually even a dude. I'm not aware of any real textual support for this interpretation, though.

Shou Toramaru. Pretty much only on here because of the hair and because I think there's a certain je ne sais quoi to her whole deal of "she's not a real tiger, she's the idea of a tiger that pre-Meiji Japanese people came up with from secondhand accounts."

Seija Kijin. Not even remotely butch by any stretch of the imagination... But if she did consider herself butch, isn't that exactly what she'd want you to think?

POTENTIALLY NOTEWORTHY EXCLUSIONS

Cirno. "Tomboyish" is not the same thing as "butch," to me, especially if you exclusively wear dresses. Also, I'm not sure Cirno even knows what a lesbian is.

Saki Kurokoma. Not actually butch, just a horse girl. (And a horsegirl.)

Mike Goutokuji. Can't tell if she's wearing a skirt or shorts. She's got short hair, sure, but the whole "matching bell collar and wristbands that also have bells attached" thing makes her look more like a Very Online Trans Woman who just figured herself out and hasn't started hormones or bought any new clothes yet.

[norman-fucking-reedus]

I read your submissive Scud post and it literally had my foaming at the mouth. I was wondering if you would expand on that? (Especially the pegging part💀)

Thank you!! You’re awesome!!! I love your work!!

THE PEGGING THE PEGGING THE PEGGINGGGRAAAAHHHH 😝🎀🔥🦅🦅

We’re both foaming at the mouth okay I get the urge to fuck the shit out of him every hour of the day its not a want its a need I desire that I NEED THAT

Anyone who says Scud wouldn’t be into pegging needs to immediately get their eyes checked. That is a cock lover in the flesh. Like i’m telling you guys he loves to just get bent over any surface and be completely stuffed.

This brings me to my secret headcanon abt him, I firmly believe that he’s been double stuffed before. Maybe he bumped into some hot guys on a mission who he totally didn’t lure into the back of his van for them to literally ruin him, and he totally wasn’t getting his little throat and ass destroyed on all fours. Wrong guy. Not him. Never ever.

Now let’s not get it twisted Scud still loves women. Thing is, his cock has always had a lot more nerve endings than the average male, so he cums fairly quickly, but don’t worry because all of Norman’s characters come pre-equipped with pussy eating powers. And Scud is pussy eating machine. He wants it for breakfast lunch and dinner. He has to be forcibly removed and pried away before he thinks about stopping. The jaw cramps just means that hes doing the damn thing.

Back to the original topic.. When you first brought the idea up to Scud, he had absolutely no fucking clue what pegging was, until you dumbed it down for him, to which he almost immediately agreed. Getting his back blown out by a literal goddess? Umm, somebody better sign him up twice.

Now again, Scuds cock is a tender one, and good boys dont need to be cumming after a few thrusts, so you cutely and quietly stop that from happening. How?

“What’re ya tying?” Scud mumbled against your lips as he you looping something around his balls and the base of his cock, jerking slightly when you pulled the ribbon tightly, tying it into a small bow. “Just something special for you” You kiss him, and he needily kissed back, dick twitching from your gentle contact.

Scud gets very, very turned on by kisses. Especially ones that are deep and sloppy with lots of tongue and spit. He gets so drunk off them and it’s the easiest way to get him to submit, because lord he’d do anything you say just as long as you keep kissing him.

Okay the actual pegging part, Scud is not the foreplay type. He physically cannot take it and needs pleasure as soon as he can get it. He’ll whine and squirm as you finger him open, babbling out begs for you to hurry.

He likes to be fucked as if he were a literal ragdoll. Please pound into him as hard as you can, he needs it. He needs to be a moaning mess on the desk. Also Scud is so. fucking. loud. His whimpers and whines bounce off the walls for everyone to hear, and while yes kissing does work, yanking back on his choker works a lot better.

Scud has a choking kink to the max. A very dangerous one at that. He likes to be almost strangled, racing between his orgasm to see if he would cum or pass out first. His choked off gasps and sobs only get him fucked harder.

Oh and the ribbon. The amazing ribbon. When Scud’s orgasm starts to build, he can feel it in his gut, tingling in his toes and shooting through his spine, so close, getting closer and closer yet never quite falling off the edge. It starts to hurt, his dick starts to painfully twitch at the lack of release, whining loudly as you continued rocking into him, a smile pulling your lips. “Hey Scud. Wanna see how cool my cock is?”

He mumbles something out, lips glossy with spit as a small puddle started to form on the table. You fished a remote out from your pants pocket, clicking once, twice, glancing up to Scud’s twisting face. You swiftly pulled your hips back, leaving only the buzzing tip of the dildo before completely burying it all back into your boyfriend, pressing right into what you knew was his sweet spot from the lewd and loud whimpers that Scud couldn’t stop from coming out, each thrust sending his eyes so far into the back of his head.

Scuds cock ached, orgasm building so rapidly once again as you fucked him stupid, turning his brain into nothing but the sex clouded mess that it was made to be. When you amplify the vibrations speed, and it makes each snap of your hips pump pure ecstasy into his body, and he just needed so much more.

“Please, mmngh, please let me cum mommy, please fuck me so hard and let me cum,” He babbled, whimpers and moans tearing from his chest when he felt you increase your pace, skin slapping skin. “Is this what you want, hm baby? To be fucked like the dirt slut you are?” You cooed, leaning down over him. Scud brainlessly nodded against the table, choking on his words as he spoke. “Yes! Want mommy to pound me so deep- so, very fucking deep!” He gasped, shaking like a leaf when he felt the you pulling the ribbon loose, almost sobbing when his orgasm crashed over him finally, cumming harder than ever. You fucked him through it until he was twitching and whining, actually you fucked him until he came again, high moans spilling past his lips with every buzzing thrust to his sweet spot, so overstimulated and sensitive yet you just kept going.

Scud could barely keep his eyes open, groaning which each slap of your hips. You fucked him like he was your own sextoy, pulling orgasm after orgasm from him until he would just collapse, so used and destroyed. His toes curled at a particularly hard thrust, choking in surprise when you suddenly yanking his head back by his choker, holding him down onto your vibrating cock pressed blissfully into that bundle nerves inside him. Scud choked his moans and cries out, desperately rocking his hips as his third orgasm raced off the edge. Oh God, he was so fucking close, vision starting to turn black and his ears ringing as he practically fucked himself on your strap, orgasm slamming into him–

“Scud? Y/n?” Blade’s voice rang out from the hallway, and you quickly pulled out and away from Scud, who gripped the table as his orgasm continued washing over his whole body, bitting down on his lips as he muffled a pained yet so pleasured sob, hips thrusting into the air as ropes of white shot out from his swollen and totally untouched cock, “Fuckin’ hell Scud” You grumbled, shutting off the dildo and having to just stuff it in your underwear, pulling your pants up quickly and searching for anything to wipe up the mess you’ve created.

Blade approached the workshop, steps echoing throughout. You groaned when you couldn’t find anything, and settled for wheeling a chair ontop of it, shoving Scud in it so his still halfway exposed bottom was covered, leaning against the table as if everything was totally normal.

The man swung the workshop door open and lingered at the top of the stairs, staring down at you and Scud with a questioning face. “What are you two doing?” You shrugged, responding with a casual “Nothing.”

Blade’s eyes landed on Scud, who was still very visibly fucked out, eyes droopy and lust riddled, hair pushed back and messy, not to mention the bruises forming on his neck from his choker being pulled. “Mhm. Whenever you get done doing ‘nothing’, come find me” He spoke flatly, before turning and exiting the room, shutting the door behind him. You sighed in relief, glancing down at Scud and his ruined state.

You leaned down, tilting his head up to kiss him on his glossed lips, smiling playfully. “I am not done with you, Scudster”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I got a little carried way I just need. I need. I need him guys.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★

[jinnie-ret]

hii, its the anon who asked about lgbtq+ readers.

what i had in mind was a nonbinary 9th member who uses they/them pronouns and interviewers and talk how hosts etc keep misgendering them and using the wrong pronouns, saying how theyre the only female member. the boys are the one to keep adamantly correcting them, no matter how many times they have to do it. the reader would be annoyed at the interviewers but glad the boys had their back, maybe the boys reassuring them at the end.

obviously only write it if you feel comfortable, thank you for answering my original ask!! your writing is great and a big comfort, i honestly think youd be great at writing it but this is your blog and only write what you feel comfy writing <333

who I am

stray kids x ninth member non-binary!reader (platonic)

genre: angst, fluff

content warnings: ignorant interviewer, misgendering

word count: 1.4k

summary: the boys support y/n for who they are, and show them that they truly have their back when a podcast goes wrong.

Thank you so much! Ok! I finally wrote it! I hope that this brings you great comfort like my other fics do too! And please give me feedback that this was written okay because I would never want to misrepresent anyone or their feelings in my writing.

As always, like, reblog if you enjoyed, and my asks are open for any requests you may have. And let me know if you'd like to be tagged when I post :)

MAIN MASTERLIST

"Welcome back to the podcast! Today we have a special guest, or guests, should I say, Stray Kids! Everyone give it up for Stray Kids!" the interviewer, Oscar, introduces us, the camera panning to us all sat in a cosy studio setting. We were currently in LA promoting our new album.

"Thank you inviting us!" Bang Chan says bashfully. We all knew of the podcast, well, us English speakers did, and we were so excited to be on the show.

"So, let's get right into it, you're here to talk about your new album, right?" Oscar smiles, looking down at his notes before asking us the question.

"Yeah, we've just released our new album 5STAR, and we hope that our fans enjoy it, and, yeah!" Felix begins to explain, smiling as he trails off, not knowing what else to add on. You give him a rub on the shoulder, letting him know that he was doing a good job. That's what you loved about being in Stray Kids, no matter who you were, you had each other's backs.

"It really is so cool to have you all here, and may I say, this really is a unique bunch of members you have here," Oscar waves his hands as he explains.

"Well, we like to think that we all bring something different to the table haha," you laugh along politely.

"Well, that's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about, Y/N," Oscar turns his body towards you slightly.

The others go 'ohhh', making you blush slightly.

"You want to ask me?" you brush your hair back, your newly cut black mullet, which went down a treat with stays.

"Yes, the reason I say you're in quite a unique situation, is because, well, it's so rare to see 8 guys and a girl in one group together!" Oscar smiles.

Oh.

Your smile dropped.

Maybe you had gotten your hopes up, thinking he'd be talking about your input on the fashion of the group, considering it was quite well known, especially with the group's growing popularity that you created many of the pieces that yourself and the boys would wear.

But no. Somehow you didn't think that this topic would be brought up once again.

"Stray Kids is family, no matter what," Hyunjin spoke up, communicating as best he could in English that gender didn't matter.

The boys could sense your discomfort at Oscar blatantly calling you a girl. Surely he's done enough research that he knows you identify differently?

Even the less confident English speakers, Lee Know and Jeongin seemed to catch on what was happening.

"And what an interesting family you are indeed," Oscar didn't notice your unease or the slightly more defensive stances that the boys acquired from their seats.

"I also wanted to comment that I think Y/N is my bias, you guys!"

Seeming to think there was a more lighter mood in the room, Y/N themself to relax a bit and laugh along.

"Come on boys, don't be jealous, I just think she's got this special quality about her," Oscar continued, thinking the frowns on your members' faces were playfully jealous of his comment.

"They are very special to us, we feel lucky to have them in our group," Han spoke up, subtlely linking his pinkie with yours as a form of comfort. The boys knew that such situations like this still hurt you, because of how you struggled to understand why you felt different and finally knew why, it was frustrating when other people, who were clearly in a position to do some research, didn't know.

Of course you'd give the benefit of the doubt, maybe he didn't know and he might be apologetic, in which case it would all smooth over.

But it wasn't in this case.

"Actually, Oscar, Y/N is non-binary," Chan began, looking towards you to see if you wanted to continue.

"Yes, I use they/them pronouns and don't identify as either male or female, I'm just, me," you shrug it off and say casually, because that's how you felt it should be. It wasn't a big deal,.it was just who you are.

"Oh wow, that's quite interesting, so you don't look at it like she's your younger sister? Or you don't think that as a boyband you have a disadvantage having a female member?" Oscar furrowed his brows.

"We don't feel the need to recognise our member by a gender," Seungmin grabbed the mic provided by the studio and calmly spoke into it, it almost fully calmed you down, his soft voice as he spoke in English filling the room.

"It doesn't matter. We are a group. Just a group of people who like making music and entertaining our stays, and that's how they like it, so..." Felix's knee bobbed up and down, and you couldn't tell if the ray of sunshine was slowly turning into a thundercloud or if he was nervous to speak his mind. You were thankful either way.

"Right... I mean, it's funny, it must be weird, like having her as a novelty to the group, almost?" Oscar said genuinely, like he didn't see an issue in how he was conducting himself.

"They are best," Jeongin threw a cheeky smile your way, making the weight on your shoulders feel just a little bit lighter.

"We're a unit. A team. I mean, it's funny, we don't feel the need to separate ourselves based on gender," Chan passive aggressively said, using the man's previous words to show he would not take anymore ignorance to how his member was being treated.

"Look, I don't expect people to understand straight away, but I can appreciate them looking at me not just for what I believe is a socially constructed view, one that I don't align with, but for my talent," you slowly explained, nerves filling your body as you hoped the way that you had explained yourself had made sense and would get a message across to the interviewer.

"See, that's something I think would bring even more attention to your success! Y/N do you think that creating this facade has brought you more fans?" Oscar questioned, his kind intentions slipping away.

"Excuse me?" you were taken aback. Facade? He thought that you were pretending?

"Hyung? We can go now? Yeah, ok, great. We'll be leaving now, thank you for your time, I think," Chan sarcastically smiled at Oscar after getting the green light from their manager that they could leave.

"So, that wraps up our interview with Stray Kids today..."

You sighed as you all got into the van, leaving the studio all together. You sat in the back with Lee Know and Changbin.

"What did he say at the end?" Lee Know questioned, rubbing your knee soothingly.

"That I'm a fake," you scrunch your face, looking at the ceiling of the car to trap your tears and avoid them from escaping.

"He has no idea what he's talking about, Y/Nnie," Changbin turned to you as best he could at the back of the van.

"I just wish I could feel normal, but sometimes it's things like this that just alienate me from everyone else, you know?" you sigh, tapping your leg with your fingers to distract yourself.

"You're far from an alien, Y/N. We don't care about what other people say, you're a part of us. Chan hyung was right, we're a unit, and we'll stay as one forever," Hyunjin reassured you.

"Plus, if anyone is an alien, it's Hannie," Seungmin savagely chuckled.

"I'M AN ALIEN ON THIS EARTH!!!" Han took that as his cue to sing his song loudly, causing you to groan and cover your ears.

"Someone help him return to his home planet," you giggled, making the other boys laugh along with you.

"Seriously though, we've got you, hm? Stupid interviewers like that have no respect..." Jeongin shook his head, feeling irritated.

"He was nice at the start..." you trailed off, thinking about Oscar's bright personality which was for sure what brought in viewers and listeners of the podcast.

"But then he showed his true colours, he was rude, you didn't deserve the disrespect, end of," Chan said from the front of the car, making his voice a little louder than normal so everyone could hear.

"Thanks, Channie," you smiled, the two boys in the back of the car with you letting you relax against them as the stress seemed to leave your body.

They had your back, always.

tagged: @skz-streamer @hannahhbahng @backintomykpopphaseagain @kiraisastay

[ketherite]

Hello! First post on hit site Tumblr!! I offer you an extremely rushed Cypher x Reader! I'm so sorry if he's a bit OOC here. Do note that I originally made this with an OC in mind! Comments will be greatly appreciated. Enjoy :)

(C/N) - Code Name

(Y/N) - Your Name

(C/N) looked at the man right across from them, a mug of tea in hand. His eyes, never peeling away from them— at least that’s what they thought. They couldn’t read much from Cypher’s face because of his pesky little mask covering every identifiable inch of him. The blue lenses only provided them small insight with how frequent his shutters— or eyelids blink. Despite that, they still feel his eyes on them, as if they have his undivided attention.

“So, Cypher, what did you call me here for?” (C/N) asks as they look down into their mug, gently swirling it around to gather the loose leaves in the middle while awaiting his answer.

“What? Is it not normal to want to have a cup of tea with a friend?” He teased as he giggled, holding up his white mug of tea to them. He then lifted his mask up ever-so-slightly to take a sip of his still-hot tea, making (C/N) turn away for the sake of courtesy.

“You gotta warn me before you do that. I don’t wanna accidentally see your face, Amir.” Their voice had a hint of annoyance in it. Cypher was a man of mystery— the man kept his entire identity; from appearance to past a secret for Christ sake! Despite that, it seemed like he had no issue with (C/N) seeing a bit of his face, but he hasn’t told them that yet, which prompts silly situations like this.

“I know, dear. But it’s alright, I know you aren’t telling anyone about what you saw.” He pulled his mask down to hide his smirk. “You and I aren’t so different. We practically think the same! Minus the hidden identity, of course.”

(C/N) sighs at his antics and rolls their eyes. “I suppose we are.”

A moment of silence falls between the two. It doesn’t feel awkward, but it feels like something’s hung up in the air. Like a question that needs an answer.

“(Y/N), there is something I need to tell you.” The once goofy air suddenly turned serious. It wasn’t everyday people called (C/N) by their real name instead of their code name. Whenever their real name is used, they know the topic is gonna be something rather important. They tilted their head to the side, as if questioning the sudden shift in tone.

Silence once again, but this time Cypher’s nervously fidgeting with his mug, looking down into its contents. A sigh escapes him as he looks back up to meet their gaze. Oh their gaze; so piercing. It was as if they were staring into the deepest depths of his soul, digging through the dark matter that lies within to see even a glimpse of his thoughts.

“I thought about it for a while. My past, Nora— everything really. It’s all been so dark, so dreary ever since it all crumbled for me. But you— when you joined, it felt like a breath of fresh air. Everyday, I look forward to seeing you. Our little hangouts have been the highlight of my days recently. Whenever you’re around, I feel like a sailor lost in the raging sea finally seeing the light from the lighthouse. A beacon of hope, if you will—” He cuts himself off with a cough, slightly tilting his hat to hide his embarrassment.

“I may be too old for this word, but I think I might have a crush on you.” He visibly cringes at the word. “Truth be told, I haven’t felt this way since I first met Nora. It’s strange to feel that flutter in my chest once again. Just thought I had to get my feelings out there. Didn’t want them brewing in me for too long.”

Cypher now refused to look at them, opting to look to the side and focus on any piece of furniture or clutter instead of them. (C/N), on the other hand, only gave him a sigh before standing up. ‘Maybe it was a bad idea…’ He thought, thinking they were just gonna leave him with no response— a rejection.

He was so lost in thought he didn’t notice that (C/N) was now standing at his side, opposite from where he was looking. One could imagine the surprise he felt when they grabbed his chin to face them, raised his mask just right above his nose, and kissed him.

They kissed him.

…

They kissed him.

It lasted only a second, but to him it felt like eternity. A kiss he so desperately wanted for so long, finally given to him. They only tasted faintly of cardamom and honey, but it tasted like sweet, sweet nectar to him; sweet, addictive, and intoxicating.

They pulled his mask back down and scoffed. “Despite being a genius, you’re a stupid man, Amir. I already knew from the get-go. I just wanted to hear you say it.”

“So, was that a yes?” He said as he looked up at them. If he wasn’t wearing the mask, (C/N) swore he’d have some puppy-eyed look on his face right now.

They crossed their arms over their chest and stuck their tongue out at him, a rare display of immaturity from them. It was cute. “I don’t know, was it?”

Cypher chuckled at their sarcasm. He then stood up and pulled up his mask halfway to give them a kiss, one they gladly returned.

“Eww, gross! can you guys get a room? I’m about to cook lunch here and you guys are literally making out.” A voice from behind the two interrupted them. It was Jett, and it seemed like she had brought Phoenix and Neon with her. Cypher immediately broke the kiss to quickly pull his mask over followed by (C/N) hiding their blushing face from the group.

Knowing the group, they’ll probably never hear the end of it. They’ll most likely spread it around the Protocol, but for the first time, it didn’t even matter to Cypher. He’s just happy they feel the same, happy that he finally has what he’s wanted for so long.

[wasyago]

some rambles about gillion trans headcanons and other stuff

im realizing that i write these posts because i have no one to talk about riptide with, so this is like a monolog that is meant to be a dialog? sort of? the point is, the thought process is unpredictable and this is just everything that goes through my head and not like a structural point or anything and some things are random and not uhhh pretty(?). i dont even know why im writing these disclaimers, no one cares probably?

anyway. so, if gillion was a trans man, how would that work?

did he know from the young age, before the elders even, that he was a boy? was it just an obvious thing for him and his family? was he loved and accepted? and when the elders took him away, did they accept him as well? did they even see him for a kid/a person he was, or did they only think about the prophecy and didn't care what gender The One was? when gillion got older, did he get his top surgery inside the walls of the palace without anyone questioning him or looking down upon? or did he have to sneak out? probably definitely not sneak out, im not sure gillion ever left the palace or seen the world outside much. did he even get top surgery?

that's an interesting question to me actually, because if tritons (in this campaign at least) hatch from eggs, do females even have bigger boobs? technically no, right? do they even have boobs? i mean, they do have chest muscles and stuff, but do they have nipples? the one time i drew gill without a shirt i didn't draw him any, so im gonna say "no" for now. sorry im huge bore when it comes to these types of questions, i don't even know why actually... is it weird?

uhh what was i talking about... so i guess yeah, if female and male tritons don't have that different of a body structure, gillion probably didn't even need a top surgery to begin with. and maybe he didn't experience much in terms of dysphoria, which honestly? good for him, he had enough going on already...

but if gillion wasn't trans before the elders? if he was fine with his gender, he was only five after all, he had better fiveyearold things to worry about. what happened after he was taken away? was it his own realization, just at an older age?

or was it forced on him by the elders? (its definitely a darker concept and would be out of character for the elders, but as an alternative universe I think its interesting as well). because "the chosen one", the hero of the prophecy, the one who will decide the fate of the world and who will protect the undersea, in the eyes of the elders could've only be a man (if they were misogynistic). and when they come to this family and they see a 5 y.o. girl, what can they feel except disappointment? they will try anyway though, because what are they supposed to do? and if they need a man for a prophecy they will get him one way or another...

again, a darker concept, and i think i like it like an au better than a headcanon for the main campaign. because it's ooc and brings up slightly different topics from the original.

at the end i think i wont headcanon gill as trans? (although who knows, maybe I'll come around eventually, we'll see) maybe as nonbinary or a secret third thing though. gillion to me doesn't feel like a "man" man, his gender is "a guy" i don't know how to explain it hdgsbbs (maybe im just projecting idk o_o)

I love it when people hc him as trans tho, its very sweet!!!!!!! and i believe he does have the top surgery scars in the official art? so like, pop off king lets go???? (actually i just checked and no he doesn't, but im gonna think he does anyway)

im a little scared to re read this post and i think i'll delete it later probably, but uhhh yeah... again, just rambling and thinking out loud (not out loud but you get what i mean. writing all this down or drawing something really helps me to think and figure things out, so that's why)

[herrscherofmagic]

Maybe it's just me, but the parallels between Dr. MEI and Ruan Mei are getting to be quite concerning at this point...

so I decided to write up an essay talking about Dr. MEI and making some comparisons between her and Dr. MEI!

There are some spoilers for the new Myriad Celestia trailer featuring Ruan Mei, as well as some spoilers for some basic HI3rd Previous Era backstory, and especially spoilers for Chapter 31 EX of HI3rd.

TL;DR:

Dr. MEI and Ruan Mei both have similar origins in their interest for biology and understanding life, but it also seems that just like Dr. MEI, Ruan Mei seem to have shifted her interest towards understanding fundamental principles of the universe. In that sense, the two of them are both geniuses whose ambitions seem to include challenging the very idea of the "divine" itself.

...

Life is so colorful, but... it has nothing to do with me.

-Ruan Mei, Myriad Celestia trailer "Transcendent Ruan Tunes, Blushing Mei Blooms"

First off, I just want to be clear that I'm not going to be talking about whether or not Ruan Mei is a "Dr. MEI expy" or anything like that. I'm not trying to equate the two, but talk about their thematic/story parallels, because even if they were from different franchises, or Ruan Mei's name was totally different (heck even if her name was "John Smith" or something like that), I'd still make this post.

With that aside, there's the obvious similarity in that both are scientists, in particular both are associated with biology to an extent. The myriad trailer shows Ruan Mei being interested in biology when she was younger, and Dr. MEI also started off studying genetics and medicine.

But what interests me is that it seems like Ruan Mei is going down a similar path that Dr. MEI did, where she began curious about life and the cosmos but eventually grew to have different ambitions... including ambitions of what amounts to essentially challenging the divine.

There will be some Honkai Impact 3rd spoilers, including spoilers on the topic of Project Stigma, but I won't discuss specific events as they relate to the protagonists nor will I be covering any major story beats. Most of this will be backstory stuff, with there only being one particular spoiler towards the end regarding the true nature of Project Stigma. So consider this a blanket "spoiler warning" for the whole post, because a lot of the stuff I'll describe isn't so much specific moments in the story nor plot twists, but a lot of general background that can't really be easily blocked off into sections of spoiler-tagged content.

Slightly longer TL;DR:

Dr. MEI's character is that she's basically the Previous Era's version of the Current Era's "Raiden Mei". Similar appearance, and the name is a bit similar as well although there is a difference in the Chinese pronunciation, with Mei being "Yayi" (Chinese reading of her Japanese name, Mei) while Dr. MEI is pronounced just as "Mei". That's why MEI is spelled with all-caps in the English localization, since the difference is obvious in both pronunciation and text in Chinese but completely nonexistent in English.

Dr. MEI was a scientist and became involved with a lot of incredibly important projects in the organization Fire MOTH, but while most people pretty much adored her... she was also a very questionable figure which easily could've been one of Humanity's greatest threats if it weren't for the more pressing threat of Honkai.

The biggest parallels I see between her and Ruan Mei are the way that both of them seem to have their roots in biology, but just as the Myriad Celestia trailer hints at Ruan Mei having bigger ambitions, so too did Dr. MEI move on from a focus on biology and genetics, expanding her research to cover phenomena in physics but especially research on Honkai.

In particular, while the Myriad Celestia trailer hints that Ruan Mei may wish to become an Aeon, Dr. MEI's most ambitious project had the goal of uniting all of humanity into a singular dream, a process that would effectively destroy any sense of individuality and turn the collective human civilization of Earth into a being of pure Imaginary/Honkai energy and thought. Whilst this entity might not have been quite as powerful or universal in scale as an Aeon, relative to the scope of Dr. MEI's research (Dr. MEI being isolated to Earth, vs. Ruan Mei who can travel between worlds courtesy of the Star Rail) I think it's a fair comparison with Ruan Mei's apparent goal. If Dr. MEI were in Ruan Mei's place, I think it's very plausible she'd continue to walk down the same path. This doesn't mean that Ruan Mei will do everything that Dr. MEI did, far from it; but I do imagine there are going to be some serious parallels in what they seek to achieve and the extent to which they're willing to do questionable things to achieve it.

Now that the 4-paragraph TL;DR is done, it's time for the rest of the post; because anyone who's read one of my Honkai/Genshin essays before should know by now that I'm very much a "0 or 100" writer with no inbetween, and this is definitely the latter, lol

Also apologies for the various long texts I'm citing here; unfortunately we don't have a pretty animation with cool music to give us an overview of Dr. MEI, so I'm gonna have to go the old-school route of poring over text-based archive entries and manga pages, since that's most of what we have >.>

My goal is to provide background on Dr. MEI, as well as her relation to Dr. Mobius. The two of them are very alike and yet very different in important ways, and I think the parallels between those two as well as the potential parallels between Dr. MEI and Ruan Mei can tell us a lot about what Ruan Mei could be capable of, and just how far her ambitions may stretch. After all the background on those two HI3rd doctors, I'll describe their relation to "Project Stigma", which should serve as a good transition to talking about Ruan Mei's apparent goal of "becoming an Aeon", or something along those lines.

Kevin and MEI

MEI was a human just like anyone else; she went to high school, she was a smart student, had some friends, etc. She was particularly passionate about science, often talking about the stars or physics, though biology was the interest that she seemed to follow most closely. In particular there was a scientist by the name of Dr. Mobius who she idolized, and was fortunate enough to meet at a convention.

Dr. Mobius was a leading geneticist who was famous for various groundbreaking discoveries, so naturally MEI was shocked when Mobius met her and showed interest in her, even having read one of MEI's papers. Some time after their brief and curious exchange, MEI would be invited to become part of an organization by the name of Fire MOTH, and it was at this time when she discovered the true nature of Dr. Mobius' work, as well as the existence of Honkai.

Dr. Mobius was famous for her academic research on the global stage, but within the organization of Fire MOTH she was rather infamous. She had seemingly no boundaries and she was often perceived as being unethical or immoral. Mobius was far from sociable, and despite her important contributions to Fire MOTH there were certainly many people who would prefer if they never had to meet her. And of course, she was no stranger to disciplinary notices and threats from the higher-ups. Someone too valuable to dispose of, but too "dangerous" to leave to her own devices. It was this Dr. Mobius that took in MEI and worked as her superior.

One of Dr. Mobius' most notable projects was Project Stigma. The very first version of Project Stigma was initiated by her, and MEI was chosen as one of her assistants. The goal of the Project was to experiment with "stigmata", genetic modifications to humans which can grant them the power to wield Honkai energy. But if a person's body is unable to control that power, they become entirely corrupted and lose their sanity (so in comparison with HSR, kinda like being marastruck, but as a result of an experiment instead of mara). As you can imagine, this didn't exactly help Dr. Mobius' image.

At first it seems that Dr. Mobius is the suspicious one here. Mobius is cunning and deceptive, while MEI is a rather kind and timid person, so while people would fear Mobius most weren't afraid of MEI at all. But Mobius herself became suspicious of MEI, noticing things about MEI that others would look past; like MEI's focus on her work and seeming impartiality towards the condition of the test subject in the above excerpt. This wouldn't be the only time we see this sort of suspicion as well, with Mobius confronting Kevin about MEI at another time:

It's about time you drop the good guy act, Kevin. I'm well aware that I've crossed the line. But what about your dear MEI? Is she any different from me? Oh, there's a difference. She's far crueler and colder than me - because she only makes rational choices. ... Pure rationality... is the real monster. You know that, don't you?

To give an example of why someone like Mobius would be suspicious of Dr. MEI, there's an excerpt of a conversation I'd like to share. The same MEI was once an assistant to Dr. Mobius would eventually rise to become one of the leading authorities of Fire MOTH, and this was not by chance, as this conversation between "X" (left unnamed to avoid spoilers) and Sakura indicates:

X: If I remember correctly, you crossed paths with the MOTHs when you were on a mission to assassinate Dr. MEI. Sakura: Yes. I wasn't holding out on it - you should be able to tell I'm no good at figuring out internal power struggles. Neither was Dr. MEI. She was awake to the tragic coming of Honkai, but she was a scientist. X: So... she wanted to pay them back in the same way with your help? Sakura: No. Dr. MEI was an unmatched genius... she's never fought that kind of battle, yet she was thinking far ahead of others. Her goal was to use me to expand her internal influence. X: I know this is usually done by force, but if she's all alone... Sakura: She had more helpers, of course. My first mission was to rebuild the covert forces. She wanted the darkest powers of the MOTHs for her own. ...To rebuild through destruction. I was officially invited after completing this mission.

This is the part where spoilers begin; the following two dialogues are from Chapter 31 EX of HI3rd.

There's a lot more I could say about Dr. MEI, but for the sake of whatever brevity is left to achieve, I'd like to go back to talking about Project Stigma. I emphasize this not just because of its importance in the story but also how inextricably linked it is with Dr. MEI. Though it was Mobius who first proposed it, Dr. MEI is the one who transformed it into something incredibly complex and world-changing beyond even what Mobius had envisioned for it:

Mobius: Fine, bickering is a waste of time. It's rare for us to get together. So this is a good time to discuss this Project Stigma that's been revised fifteen times. Seriously, MEI... ...Which side are you on? "Vill-V": Huh? Isn't she standing next to me? Mobius: Vill-V. "Vill-V": Come on, that was a joke! I know your question is serious- -That's why we need to ease up on it more than ever! ... MEI: Mobius, I only stand with civilization. Mobius: Hmph, a cliché to shut those old farts up? I'd hate to stress something as stupid as "I'm your senior"... But now that we're touching this topic... Dr. MEI, you're obliged to explain what you want to achieve with this plan. MEI: ...I see. In your opinion, I'm obsessed with Project Stigma. Mobius: Listen to yourself! You've forced me to revise this plan fifteen times! Fifteen times! MEI: As the solution with the highest success rate, it deserves to be taken seriously. We can never have too many entry points in the future, either. Mobius: Oh, really? That popular Project Ember hasn't even been written into a one-page plan. MEI: You know the attributes of that plan dictate that we implement it more specially. Mobius: Perhaps. But how can I not suspect that the other projects are only a foil to Project Stigma when they are treated so differently? "Vill-V": Um. There's one thing I don't understand. Even if that's true... isn't it you who proposed Project Stigma, Mobius? Mobius: I didn't imagine someone would see it as our only hope. MEI: It does sound ridiculous to you. I completely understand that. After all, there are many ways to redefine humanity. But Dr. Mobius... Humanity is only the cornerstone of civilization. I don't think you'll deny that humans are essentially more intelligent survival machines. We aren't fundamentally different from plants, animals, or microbes. Mobius: Heh. To be more precise, our mortal bodies are but vessels that our genes built for ourselves. So what? Whether its genetics or samsara, everyone has the potential to defy the Creator. Civilization? Compared to the miracles created by specific humans, is that thing even important? "Vill-V": But objectively speaking... the vast majority of humans can realize their potential. It'd be arrogant to measure all humans by a special case such as yourself, Dr. Mobius... MEI: Dr. Mobius. As members of the MOTHs, you and I are ultimately responsible for the whole of civilization. In that sense, compared to the life of an individual, the truth brought forth by life is a more essential existence. "Vill-V": In other words... Vill-V's talent is more important than Vill-V's identity? Ah. You can say that. Mobius: That's you. I don't plan on making another Mobius to replace myself. MEI: ...That's not important. Think about the relationship between children and parents, Dr. Mobius. Regardless of whether the inner worlds of two generations collide, human civilization is continued by the next generation. Regardless of whether their parents like it.

So, what did this "Project Stigma" transform into? The short answer would be that it basically became a Hoyoverse version of NGE's Human Instrumentality Project. The complete unification of all souls within humanity, creating a new form of existence far beyond what civilization can accomplish in the physical realm alone.

On the Imaginary Tree, worlds are created from Imaginary energy, and all life emerges from these worlds. Different beings are capable of manipulating Imaginary energy in different ways, with the smallest example being the day-to-day interactions of humans with the physical world, a step up being the Pathstriders which gain traits or power by being aligned with a Path, while the most powerful beings would be Emanators and Aeons which can use vast amounts of power to cause change in the physical world. By unifying all the "dreams" of the people on a planet, this would effectively create an entirely new world that exists within Imaginary Space but which is not bound to a physical location.

If you gather all the dreams of humans, you'll get a giant resembling a planet. A desert sage named it Adam Ruhani- which means Spiritual Adam. Adam Ruhani is one of the gods, but it's extremely far away from the others... That distance is what mortals call time. It's the late eternity, and a rift that can't be crossed with logic. It can't die, think humanly, nor reproduce... It simply exists forever as the ladder leading to divine realm. ...That's the real aim of Project Stigma. Be it gory or psychedelic, physical or spiritual- they're only means, not ends. The plan is essentially a chain that ties people who can't help themselves together. We can let them go with the flow, or help them within our power. For them, joining this dream is being helped- in their dreams, they are Adams, they are gods. The real world will lose its meaning for them, while the eternal dream will become their only reality. They no longer think with time... Their dreams will be connected, which will create a true miracle that transcends finality.

This is obviously a TREMENDOUS leap from where Project Stigma began when Dr. Mobius first started experimenting with stigmata, and this is why I wanted to give the whole story about Dr. MEI's origins. Again, this is "only" on the scale of a single world. Dr. MEI was an unparalleled genius of her time, and her studies across genetics and physics allowed for the creation of what was essentially a plan to rewrite the very existence of humanity into something which can forever sustain civilization in a world threatened by the existence of Honkai.

This is why these parallels with Ruan Mei have me worried. I don't necessarily suspect that Ruan Mei will necessarily be evil, nor do I think she is going to somehow turn the entire population of the Imaginary Tree into sentient orange juice. But there are a lot of parallels between the Ruan Mei and Dr. MEI, and if Ruan Mei ends up even being remotely like Dr. MEI, that could make her a very dangerous person.

They both seem to have had a strong background in genetics and biology, with that being a major focus in Ruan Mei's design and in the Myriad Celestia trailer. But while a lot of people talk about Ruan Mei being a biologist, the trailer also hints that she has further ambitions- possibly at becoming an Aeon. It seems that Ruan Mei is moving beyond what one would achieve staying within the realm of Biology, and just like Dr. MEI, she seems to be focused on higher powers.

I think we're far from being able to determine what Ruan Mei's exact goal is so far, since "becoming an Aeon" is a pretty vague statement, but it still worries me greatly. The thought of Ruan Mei somehow becoming an Aeon isn't concerning by itself, but rather what actions she might take to achieve that goal.

I'm concerned about what the collateral damage would be, and to what extent she is willing to consider others a part of her "experiments" regardless of whether they want to participate or not. Especially because Dr. MEI was limited to what she could accomplish on Earth, while Ruan Mei appears to have access to far more resources and far more opportunities for research. As someone from the Luofu (afaik) she should also have a longer lifespan. Ruan Mei is in a good position to far exceed what Dr. MEI could accomplish... for better or for worse.

I would love to say more on this topic, but obviously we'll learn more about Ruan Mei once she releases, and throughout the story as it goes on. It took years for the full scale of Dr. MEI's plans to be revealed in HI3rd, and I don't doubt the same will be true for Ruan Mei. Perhaps Ruan Mei's ambitions will align neatly with those of the Astral Express and Stellaron Hunters, or perhaps they may become the greatest threat to sentient life across countless worlds, second only to even greater powers like Nanook. We might be forced to put an end to her experiments, or perhaps we might end up aiding her further- willingly or not.

Whatever happens, Ruan Mei is Ruan Mei and Dr. MEI is Dr. MEI. These are two different individuals of different origins and who live different lives, and the story of Ruan Mei is sure to diverge greatly from the story of Dr. MEI. The parallels between them are equally fascinating and worrying to me, but it just makes me look forward even more to Ruan Mei's role in the story.

At first I was rather dismissive of Ruan Mei, especially because I haven't even started the Swarm Disaster stuff yet. I'm sure there are details I'm missing from there, and while that usually would make me hesitant to write such a long post about her, the Myriad Celestia trailer seems clear enough with its foreshadowing (I say now, only to be proven wrong later...) that I wanted to write this up anyways. I'm definitely looking forward to Ruan Mei now, and I would love to revisit this comparison between the two later on as we learn more about her!

[honeysuckleharringtons]

Part Five: "Seasonal Specials" ~ S. Harrington

Summary: (Then) Christmas Eve has rolled around, and unfortunately for a very pregnant Reader, she is stuck at home with a migraine. Luckily for her, her younger brother doesn't make for too bad of company. — (Now) A slow shift at Brew and Me turns out to be a good night for advice and a call from everyone's favorite nursing student.

Pairing: Nurse!Steve Harrington x Fem!Byers!Reader

Word Count: 1,900

Content Warning: teen pregnancy, discussions of homophobia, discussions of abuse and allusions to physical abuse, discussions of slut-shaming, Reader is lowkey bad at advice when it comes to these topics LMAO, explicit language, food consumption (Reader drinks hot chocolate), not really a warning but Will is gay and autistic in this series, as always lmk if i missed anything!

Extra Notes: this should've been posted way earlier, i am so sorry it wasn't. hope you guys enjoy though!

Originally Written: 12/21/2023 through 12/25/2023

honeysuckleharringtons' main masterlist can be found here!

'brew and me' series masterlist can be found here!

[ Then, December of 1987 ]

Christmas Eve. It was Christmas Eve and you were stuck at home with an excruciating headache.

You supposed it wasn't all bad. After all, staying at home was preferable over the rare occasion that you did leave the house, when everyone would stare you down like some caged animal at the zoo. Unfortunately, the same could be said for your family—no, not your immediate family, who'd helped you more than ever since you'd entered your third and final trimester—whose reactions had ranged from disgusted to sympathetic.

When you'd gone to the family's end-of-summer family reunion, you'd tried your best to hide the tiny bump you were sporting at the time. However, your aunt Judy had taken notice of your particularly round belly, and immediately figured out that it wasn't from one too many hot dogs at the cookout. Ever since then, you'd heard every comment in the book, everything from "whore throwing her life away" to "so sad she thought that was her only option."

So, instead of listening to the endless insults from your distant relatives, you'd prayed for some way out of the gathering. Unfortunately for you, God had a sense of humor, hence the excruciating headache.

The sound of the microwave beeping in the next room over set you off all over again, the noise like a hammer to the head. "Will, can't you tell that thing to shut up?" you groaned, covering your face with the compress he'd made you.

"Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to help," he joked. You couldn't tell if you wanted to laugh or kill him for his sense of humor. "Here's your hot chocolate."

You sat up ever-so-slightly, taking a small drink of the deep brown liquid. Almost instantly, the warmth of it made you feel a little better. "Thank you." You reached a hand over, ruffling his already messy hair. "By the way, you didn't have to stay home with me."

"And listen to Uncle Howie tell me how we're both going to hell? I'd rather have that headache of yours."

A snicker escaped your lips, knowing exactly what he meant. "Okay, maybe Uncle Howie is a bit too opinionated on the sex lives of sixteen and eighteen year olds, but you don't have to listen to him. I mean, you're missing out on Grandma's fruitcake, which is your favorite part of the holidays."

"After last year, listening to half our cousins tell me I'm fruitier than the cake, I don't think I'll ever eat it again." Will pulled his knees up to his chest, his face overtaken by an expression that looked a lot like longing. "Besides, it's not really worth it to me."

You set your mug aside before placing a hand on his knee. "What do you mean?"

"The way the family talks about you… I thought I was the black sheep of the family. You might as well be a purple sheep."

Your pregnancy hormones must've taken over, because instead of a normal reaction, you found yourself beginning to cry from his words. No, not because of pain from his statement, but rather comfort in knowing that he'd rather miss out on the finer things of life if it meant sticking up for you.

Will, and his lack of social cue skills, stared at you for a moment, unsure what to say. Eventually, he landed on, "Sorry if I made you more upset. I didn't-"

A small huff of amusement left your mouth as you shook your head. "No, Will," you smiled, reaching up to wipe away your excess tears, "I'm just… I'm really happy to have you."

He flashed you a closed-lip smile, one that felt so genuine and unapologetically Will. "I know you'd do the same for me."

[ Now, December of 1991 ]

"I would, kiddo. I really would."

Aster Bay was a different kind of beautiful at the holidays. Sure, the small college town was normally beautiful, but upon seeing the small-town glow overtake the place, you were sure you hadn't seen anything like it.

Apartments and beach-side condos decked out in Christmas lights, a tree as high as the clouds in the town square, students dressed in Christmas and Hanukkah sweaters, their dogs in matching attire. The town felt like your own personal snow globe, tiny flakes flooding the ground beneath your feet with every step.

The magic of the holidays of course carried over into your favorite little coffee shop, decorations of red and green covering the walls and counters while the smell of peppermint wafted through the air. Unfortunately for you and Max, the one thing your little coffee shop was lacking this Christmas Eve was customers.

Neither of you were really sure why the store was open. Nearly everyone had gone home for the holidays—students, patrons, and other baristas alike—and the store was dead quiet, aside from the soft sound of Sinead O'Conner playing on the overhead speaker. Silent Night is accurate, you thought to yourself.

"So, where's your lover boy at this Christmas Eve?" Max joked, breaking the long-winded silence.

You sighed, secretly longing for the nurse she spoke of. "Apparently they gave him a week off from the hospital so he went home to see his folks." A small wave of loneliness had come over you when Steve had told you about his departure a few days prior, when he stopped by to grab a latte for the road.

"That's nice. At least he's hopefully having a good time, not working on the holidays like some of us," she said lightheartedly. Though, you could've sworn you heard a hint of sadness in her tone.

"Hey, how come you aren't at home with your folks?" The question had been a simple one, but when Max looked up at you, you could tell her answer was about to be anything but simple.

Her arms folded tightly in front of her chest as she looked at you, a sigh falling between her plump lips. "It's… complicated."

You placed a loving hand on her shoulder. "I know we're only coworkers and we aren't really supposed to bring our personal lives to work with us, but you know you can talk to me, right? I'm your friend, plus I'm a mother so I have problem solving skills now."

She huffed in amusement at your last remark. "It's just… I can't really say a lot but my life in California, it's not as good as my life here. And as much as I love my mom, there's just… well, it's just better for me to stay here even as much as I miss her. Besides, it's not like I make enough to fly home and Neil certainly isn't going to pay for my flight."

You could tell from the clear distaste in the way she said Neil that she didn't like to say his name anymore than she had to. Unfortunately, you knew all too well what that was like, and there was a certain name that left a bad taste in your own mouth the same way Neil did for Max.

"I can't give you much advice because my dad was the one that left, but I promise, it does get better," you empathized. "You made the right decision by staying here. I'm proud of you, Max."

She began to fiddle with the sleeve of her flannel, her eyes darting away. "I hate being here though. I can't help my mom from here. There's no telling what he does to her when me and Billy are away."

You knew exactly what she meant by that too. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but that'll change too. Eventually he'll get tired of you and your mom fighting back and he'll leave. That's what my dad did anyway."

"The thing is," she paused, licking her lips, "I'm not sure my mom wants to fight back. It's like she wants to deal with Neil's bullshit. I mean, she divorced my dad over not making enough money and then she married Neil, who is still scraping at the bottom of the barrel to keep the lights on every month. Not to mention, she dated like ten guys in between and broke up with them for way less, but she'll always find a way to justify his actions."

You shrugged your shoulders. "My mom put up with it for seventeen years before she started to truly fight back." A small wave of silence came over the room before you continued, "I'm sorry I don't have much advice. I guess my situation was just a little different than most survivors'. One thing I can tell you though is that I'm proud of you for making the best decision for yourself. I know it's hard to put yourself first sometimes."

Max gave you a crooked smile, finally looking up at you again. "As much as it sucks that we've both been through a bad thing, I'm glad I have you to talk to about it."

"Of course, love. You're like a little sister to me."

Cutting your conversation short, the phone began to ring, the sound grating on your nerves. You loved your job, but it was Christmas Eve, damn it. In all honesty, you really just wanted to be at home, drinking hot chocolate with your girl in your lap and a movie playing on television.

Still, you picked up the phone, answering with the signature, "Happy holidays from Brew and Me. What can we do for you?"

"Can you tell me your seasonal specials?" said a familiar voice, his smirk audible in his tone.

"Steve! You're supposed to be on vacation," you scolded, though internally you were extremely happy to hear his voice. What is wrong with me? you pondered silently.

"I am, but I couldn't resist calling and ordering something."

Your brows furrowed at his statement. "How does that work?"

"Order anything you'd like and I'll pay you back when I get back to town. Think of it as a Christmas present, or whatever you celebrate."

"That feels like cheating, Harrington." Your eyes narrowed, despite his inability to see it.

"You don't have to tell me what it is, just how much I'll owe you," he replied. You could hear a fireplace crackling quietly in the background, and you could easily imagine him curled up in front of it, his skin covered with a thick Christmas sweater, glasses perched on his nose as he read a novel. "Same for Max or whoever else is working. Treat yourselves, courtesy of me."

"Well, thank you, Steve. We appreciate it," your lips curved upward into a smile as you spoke. "I hope you're enjoying your time off."

"I am. I'm sorry you have to work on Christmas Eve." You could almost hear the frown on his lips as he sympathized with you.

"It's not all bad. After all, I'm getting to hear from you."

"Careful, Byers, or I'll start to think you like me back," he smirked. Butterflies went off in your belly, your cheeks warm and surely rosy.

You were sure full sentences had escaped you, considering Steve had the ability to take your breath away and make you blush like no one else could. So, you stuck with what you knew you could say without stumbling over your words. "Happy holidays, Doc."

"It's a very happy holiday when I get to talk to you, Y/N."

So tumblr hates me...

I went over 24 hours thinking this chapter posted, only to find out tumblr ate it somewhere between my drafts, my queue, and my posts 🤦🏻‍♀️ this app loves to embarrass me

Anyway, I hope this was worth the extra long wait. It sucks that I'm posting it after the initial Christmas magic is over but I hope you guys liked it regardless! I will see you back here on Sunday for chapter six, which will be posted on time, fingers crossed!

-> taglist: @dungeons-are-too-cold @ducky-died-inside @awkotaco24 @liberhoe @princesseddie @corrodedseraphine @manuosorioh @esoltis280 @hazydespair @frostandflamesfanfic

[melodic-haze]

☆ — DEMO TRACK: Lisa (GI) X parent!Reader

☆ — TYPE: Fluff, SFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Reader has a kid (who knows ab the origin yk what)

Asked a friend about what one of my first posts should be thank you for this cute ahh thought but like. Imagine Lisa finding out that you have a child. Maybe you had them from like a past connection or you adopted them a while back

Children are always a heavy topic to discuss, especially already existing children while you're getting back into the dating scene. Quite a few people unfortunately don't really like it, opting to move on to the next person instead 😞😞 but luckily the librarian isn't one of them!! In fact, she's actually happy to meet them and more!!!!

Moment you bring your child up for the first time, you see her eyes practically glow in the sort of quiet joy only ever exclusive for you, her and now your little one :3. While she isn't rushing to talk about your kid or completely buzzing about it since it's not in her nature to do so, she's asking you for little bits of information about them as she organises it in her mind palace

You see your purple-clad lover take a small sip of her tea (earl gray, one of her most favoured blends due to its soothing properties) as her eyes briefly darted over to the many books that lined the library aisles. This was practically her home, something of a personal safe space for the witch-like woman within Mondstadt's walls.

Her gaze moves back to focus on you with that softly inquiring shade of green, genuine interest and the curiosity of a scholar that hasn't dulled in all the years she had spent out of practice mixing together, "Does your child like to read? They seem quite intelligent, so such a trait wouldn't be so strange. Perhaps I could create some sort of list for recommendations later."

Or so she says, but you know that she has already started to format it in her mind.. despite the lack of an answer from you, haha. You let her mind wander for a bit in comfortable silence—for a woman that claims to be lazy, quite a few things do seem to go on in her head.

When she meets them, she doesn't immediately go to rush at them or anything. She's a soft and patient woman (when you don't piss her off LOL) so she'll take time with getting to know your kid personally WHILE using the info she got from you to have them warm up to her even more. If the kid seems amicable to getting to know her then she's beyond happy!!! But if they seem resistant then that's fine with her too; this woman will take her time in coaxing your kid out of their shell. If you ever usher the child to be less guarded around her, she'll tell you not to do that bc she wants them to open up in their own time

She's so attentive 😭😭😭 she's the type to leave little sticky notes here and there for both you and your kid and recommend things according to their likes and dislikes (even if neither of you have said anything about it)

Naps with your child would definitely be a thing too :((( you just see them cuddled up somewhere and you KNOW Lisa's definitely slacking off as per usual but you can't find it in yourself to wake them up :(

You notice the soft glow of the afternoon light passing through the windows highlighting the slumbering pair and you just can't help the quiet chuckle that passes through your lips. It would be quite rude to interrupt their time together, nevermind the fact that it'd be a waste to mess up the seemingly comfortable positions they were in—your lover had her arms wrapped around your child, the latter's mouth slightly agape from their deep sleep.

You make a move to leave the room before you hear a small groan, to which you turn to and find that Lisa's eyes had opened the slightest bit to stare at you.

She slowly lifts a hand in a low-effort attempt to reach out at you, "Join us, dear... We have more than enough space for three people."

Really, why would you say no to such a nice offer?

All in all, she's not an overwhelming soccer mom who would post everywhere about your child. Rather, she's the type to watch them with a proud smile before offering to celebrate privately with whatever they'd like, just the three of you :3

Oh, and don't mind her trying to get your kid into tea HAHA that's definitely somehing that'll happen, with Lisa often joking about how by the time they become an adult they'll want to be a tea connoisseur

God I love her so bad :(

[copias-sewer-rat]

THEORY TIME ON WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO COPIA!

I just read the most amazing theory over on tiktok related to what is going to happen to Copia and it aligns to a lot of stuff I have been thinking about, let me share it with you. Check @another.emeritus on tiktok for their video on the topic!!! (I need to theorise I am sorry this is eating me alive).

So you know how this era (the Copia era) has been very focused on Nihil and Sister Imperator's relationship, with the YouTube videos and mvs, the release of Seven Inches of Satanic Panic etc... And the current album and tour make reference to Sister Imperator herself (we all know how Tobias loves his lyrics to sound like other words to add the double meaning) as in IMPERA/RE-IMPERA TOUR/Imperator. It is also very important to consider the meaning of the word 'impera' itself. In Spanish it means to prevail, but it comes from the latin word of rule and imperator is emperor in Latin (not suspicious at all).

On the one hand, we have the very obvious phonetic connection but then with have the RE in the tour. As a prefix 're' can mean two things: again or back (like repetition). What if this tour is the start of a new set of Papas outside of the Emeritus bloodline? A new reign. Maybe this is too niche but what if we had similar Papa's to the originals but slightly different? Like if you know JoJo's, this would be like what happens after Stone Ocean (spoiler: the universe resets and everyone is slightly different).

It could be that, but I like the other idea better, maybe it is a new bloodline. As @another.emeritus says in their video, maybe Copia will be the start of a new bloodline, the Imperator bloodline, with a new set of Papas. We know that there are no more Papas left, and I don't think Toblerone is going to pull the distant cousin card on us. This also allows me to talk about the meaning of the word Emeritus (this post is the proof that I have a degree in English philology lol). Emeritus refers to a ruler that it is no longer ruling, a retired one, not a dead one, a retired one. It obviously refers to Nihil, but what if the surname itself is going to be retired completly?

Also, that we got so much background to Imperator and Nihil's story, which almost feels like when in a movie they provide flashbacks so the audience gets attached to a character before killing them off. To me it feels that way. Maybe that story is going to repeat itself with Copia and someone that Imperator chooses, someone easy to manipulate. This last part would also connect to Darkness at the Heart of my Love... WHAT IF Copia has been in love this whole time, has had a lover and that song is for them? They cannot be together because of the tour but when summer ends, meaning the tour, they are going to reunite (another use of 're' lol). That would also explain the 'spicy' whispers of the song. Like the song itself is quite sad and all, but the background whispers are horny af ("pleasure me", "obsessively"...)

In summary, I don't think Copia is going to die, I think he is going to reign, be the start of a new Satanic Empire in the clergy and his progeny is going to continue with the Ghost project.

I don't know where to put Swiss' odd behaviour in this theory, but it has also been bugging me. If you think of anything please use this post to share, let us create a little debate to cope with the intrusive Copia dying thoughts.

Lots of love, SR.

[topperscumslut]

Let’s Talk About Jay Kelso

Warning: spoilers for That 90s Show

So I just binged T90S, and I’m not really sure how to feel, particularly about Jay. On one hand, I did really like his character, but not as much as I thought I would. And part of me thinks that’s my own fault for creating this idea in my mind of exactly what I thought he would be like without the show even being out yet, but part of me feels justified in my disappointment in the way his character was written and I’m wondering if anyone else agrees with me on this.

Jay started out really strong, he was flirty and charismatic, yet cheesy and respectful. The first two episodes have kind of blurred together at this point since I pulled an all nighter to watch this and I’m coming down from my caffeine high, but I saw a lot of potential for his character that I really didn’t see fulfilled in the rest of the series. Let me preface this by saying that I do not blame Mace Coronel, who plays Jay, AT ALL for this. I adore Mace and believe he’s beyond talented and did the best he could with what he was given. I blame it on lazy writing. As much as I love both T70S and T90S, a lot of the writing REALLY pisses me off (especially the treatment of Jackie in both shows, but that’s a topic for another time).

In my opinion, Jay peaked in episode three and it was all kind of downhill from there. Again, I still enjoyed his character, but it wasn’t what I expected or wanted from him. And maybe I am just projecting and set unreasonable expectations for his character, but I have a strong feeling the fandom will agree with me on this. Ep3 Jay really felt like the fanon Jay that I had imagined in my mind and had seen in posts from other users on here. He was still a charismatic flirt, but he was also slightly awkward, incredibly sweet, and a little dorky like I had imagined him. Between what I’d seen in trailers, official character descriptions, other tumblr users’ fan theories, and my own imagination, I imagined Jay having the charm of Kelso but much more depth. I saw him as being a bit of a nerd who loves girls but, unlike his father, isn’t a womanizer and genuinely respects them. I imagined him as very introspective, poetic, and intelligent, which I didn’t really see much of at all after episode three. Kelso himself even says in the pilot that Jay has his good looks and Jackie’s brains. And Jackie was always truly intelligent, even though she usually wasn’t treated that way. He was also described as always having a camera with him and constantly taking videos and photos of his friends which, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think we saw that even once in this season. In my mind, Jay Kelso was a goofy film geek who’s popular with the ladies due to his good looks and charisma, but in a much more unconventional way than his father is. But as the series progressed, I felt like he became more and more like Kelso. Which sucks because I despise Kelso with a passion.

Let’s talk about what I liked about Jay in episode three. When Leia tries to get Jay to kiss her, he turns her down because he doesn’t want her to be a meaningless fling and because he can tell this isn’t really what she wants. So I was like okay, consent king, respecting women, we love to see it. I also fully expected Jay to be a virgin for a couple reasons. First of all, in the original series, all of the core cast (except maybe Hyde) were virgins at the beginning of the series, EVEN KELSO, and besides Jackie, they were all older than the T90S crew at 17/18, whereas the next gen of Point Place kids are all 14-16, maybe some of them 17. But in T90S it’s heavily implied that the whole gang beside Leia (and possibly Ozzie, since his boyfriend lives in Canada) have all lost their virginity. Secondly, it would be such a plot twist. A Kelso being a virgin? Unspeakable! I fully expected this grand reveal of Jay saying he doesn’t want to make the same mistakes of his father and that he’s waiting for the right person, someone he’s truly in love with, and that person being Leia (though I am glad that Jay and Leia didn’t have sex for multiple reasons. The age of the characters, their lack of chemistry, and the age difference between the actors, to name a few). I was also genuinely surprised at Jay’s lack of daddy issues. All the posts with spoilers from before the show was out from people who had seen tapings suggested Kelso being an absent father who doesn’t really love or care for Jay, which led me to believe Jay would want to be as little like his father as possible, but there was literally nothing about that in the show. Also, a bit off topic, but can we talk about how awful the circumstances of Jay and Leia getting together were? Sure they developed genuine feelings for each other eventually, but it literally starts with Leia being like “hey, I want my first kiss, and my only option’s Jay. Eh, might as well, better than nothing.”

All of these hopes were crushed in episode four when we find out that not only has Jay had sex, which okay, fine, whatever, but he’s also a player who’s broken multiple girls hearts, and it’s implied that he does this on purpose. So basically Kelso 2.0. Cool. While I do have critiques for the other episodes, I did genuinely enjoy them, whereas I absolutely despise episode four to the point where I hardly even consider it canon. Between the horrible light it painted Jay in and the insensitive and disgusting Menendez brothers joke that made me actually pause the show for a good ten minutes to process it and almost give up on the show completely, episode four was horrendous. When Nikki suggests that Jay has feelings for Leia and actually sees her as a person and not just a sex object, Jay seems genuinely surprised at best, if not disgusted. While him telling Leia in the previous episode that he doesn’t want her to be a meaningless hookup implied that he treated all women with this level of respect, this seems to flip the script to say that he sees only Leia this way, because she’s “different.” Why, because she’s the main character, because she’s a “pure” nerdy virgin, because she’s “not like other girls?” Why is Leia put on a pedestal and treated like she deserves better than other girls whereas the rest aren’t worthy of basic respect? (If this sounds familiar, it’s because this is exactly how Donna was treated in the original series as opposed to every single other girl on the show, particularly Jackie.) Because Leia is “special” she “deserves” to be treated with basic human decency, unlike “other girls,” because fuck them, right? At the rave, we see what could have been a cute moment where Leia and Jay confess their feelings for each other, but instead, Jay takes advantage of her vulnerability and arrogantly declares that he “knew it” when Leia admits her feelings rather than telling her he feels the same way. However it’s hard to hold all of this against Jay considering how out of character this seems for him. Episodes 1-3 paint him as kind and empathetic, whereas episodes 5-10 continue that sort of personality for him, but also turn him into a one note love interest that doesn’t have much else to his character. Episode four Jay literally feels like an entirely different character than the rest of the series.

In either episode four or five, forgive me for not remembering, we meet Serena, who could essentially be replaced with a piece of cardboard and nothing would change. Serena literally only exists to be “the other woman” getting in the way of Jay and Leia’s relationship. While Leia, thankfully, isn’t unkind to her just because she’s with Jay, the writers are. Unlike Leia, apparently Serena doesn’t deserve a happy ending, a good boyfriend, or a shred of respect. She’s older, she dresses in a more conventionally attractive way, and her personality is nonexistent. It’s unclear if Jay *technically* cheated on Serena; while Leia calls her Jay’s girlfriend, it’s important to take into account that Leia is an unreliable narrator and it’s entirely possible that Jay and Serena were just casually going out and not official (especially considering they were just going on their first date a day or two before Leia’s birthday), but it’s also a very real possibility that Jay did cheat on her when he kisses Leia on her birthday. Regardless of if they were official or not, it’s pretty shitty that Jay entirely casts her aside as soon as Leia shows interest. Serena who, right? No seriously, that’s literally what he says. If the roles were reversed and it was Leia he did this to, Jay would be seen as a total asshole, but since it’s Serena, we’re not supposed to care. For my swifties out there, Leia is Betty, Jay is James, and Serena is Augustine - just a “summer thing.” So not only is Jay a “player” and a “man whore” as he’s called by his own friend group, he’s also likely a cheater. Sure, he’s Kelso’s son, but that doesn’t mean he has to be a carbon copy. It’s like the writers copy and pasted Kelso into the 90s, edited a few things, and said “yeah, that’s good enough, no one will be able to tell.”

While this may sound like I hate Jay, I really don’t. In fact, he’s still probably my favorite character in the reboot, although I’m probably a bit biased due to my affections for him from before the show came out (and my eight year long crush on Mace Coronel, but that’s irrelevant.) Jay does prove himself throughout the rest of the season, showing that he does care about Leia and exhibiting empathy his father could never muster, but he still doesn’t feel like his own character. While Kelso habitually cheats on Jackie and then blames her for it, admits to using her for sex and money while she’s 15 and he’s 18, and hounds her into sex until she eventually gives in and says yes so he’ll leave her alone (ie: rape), Jay is genuinely kindhearted and would never do those sorts of things (or at least I hope he wouldn’t, but it wouldn’t shock me if the writers decide to ruin his character in later seasons.) Like Red says when Kitty points out that Jay is better than Michael, the bar isn’t all that high. However, Jay does prove himself to be a good boyfriend who genuinely cares about Leia (I don’t use the word love since their relationship developed so quickly and they’re so young, so it’s unlikely that it’s real love, despite the fact that they believe it is). He exhibits true selflessness throughout the series and continually puts himself in the line of fire (usually from Red) to protect Leia.

Nevertheless, good person or not, Jay doesn’t feel original. He seems to exist only to be Leia’s love interest boy toy. Jay lacks the soul I imagined him to have before watching the show. While it’s nice to see the female characters fleshed out for once, as was very lacking on T70S, the male characters lack dimension in comparison. Leia, Gwen, and Nikki, all have their own personalities, values, and ambitions, whereas Ozzie tends to be the sassy token gay friend (although let’s bffr, none of these new kids are straight, but the writers don’t want to admit it), Jay not only feels like Kelso Lite ™, but as the series progresses, him and Nate seem to morph into basically the same person. Two well intended, yet dumb horndogs who lack depth or any true personality of their own beyond being love interests for their girlfriends and comic relief. Again, I love, love, LOVE Mace Coronel, and have since seeing him on Nicky, Ricky, Dicky, and Dawn on Nickelodeon, and don’t blame him at all for the way his character is written. Now if you follow my blog, you probably already know that I absolutely adore not only Mace, but also his NRDD costar Aidan Gallagher, who I fell for after seeing him in The Umbrella Academy. However, Mace was the one I had a crush on as a child and it was very exciting to rediscover him when I first found out about T90S. While Aidan’s NRDD character Nicky Harper and TUA character Five Hargreeves share the same cunning spirit, they’re extremely different in most ways and I was incredibly excited to see Mace show this same sort of range on T90S. And I do believe that Mace has that range, but he unfortunately seems to be being typecast, considering Jay basically feels like teenage Dicky Harper in the 90s. Maybe I’m being overdramatic, but I was really hoping for more for Jay’s character and I was slightly disappointed, and I hope he gets fleshed out more and more deeply explored in later seasons.

Thanks for reading my long ass rant lmao. TLDR; I love Jay Kelso (and Mace Coronel) but hate how he was portrayed. Justice for Jay (oh, and for Serena)

Tagging my favorite T70S/T90S blogs for engagement: @thestupidhelmet @lily-267 @thatseventiesbitch @einsteinsugly @that90sshowgoldencouple

[kimmiessimmies]

Plans

It'll be a while until my next story update is finished as the chapter that's due next is one I'm struggling with a little bit, so I thought I'd do a rambling post on what my plans for the coming time are.

Under the cut, for it is longgggg rambling.

Writing

As we speak, I'm writing several things at once. One of the things I'm writing is the next chapter of the story, entitled 'Bestseller'. It's not coming along brilliantly, which is mostly due to the fact that I'm feeling quite out of touch with the characters who feature heavily in this chapter. They have been slightly off the radar for a while since my student bunch, particularly Sadie and everyone around her, required so much attention. I guess I'm also a bit reluctant to post this chapter for that same reason. Many of you have gotten to know ATOH mostly for all the Sadie-drama, but there's more to it, and eventually, it all connects. So I need to write this chapter, even though the characters will probably be unknown to many (new) followers, and it may seem like a different story altogether unless you've been with me for longer.

Aside from struggling to write Bestseller, I'm also already working on the chapter after that, working title 'Starting Over', but with the way it's going, I'm probably changing that title; it doesn't fit right. Edited to add, this chapter is pretty much finished now and titled 'Now or Never.' This one is flowing from my keyboard more easily, which is mostly because it takes us back to Sadie (and James! ;) ).

Lastly, I'm writing two shorter chapters/updates. These weren't originally on the timeline, but I'm fitting them in. One might even be the first one I post next. It will show twins Viola and Rosa, nieces to James and Sarah, have their first birthday and age up to toddlers. This will show James with his family, which is interesting for reasons I won't yet go into too deeply, and it will give me a chance to stage a conversation between James and Seth they really need to have, but I couldn't build in elsewhere. The other is something I really don't know where to fit in, but it shows a conversation between Jill and Daniel, which I also really want to show.

2. Character posts

I feel like I need to do some character posts before posting Bestseller. Because of what I wrote above; the characters might be too unknown. I don't know how to approach this yet, but I feel like I should. Ideas are welcome.

3. Rachel's Dating Adventure

Thank you so much to everyone who's created someone for my dear Rach. <3 It might be a while until I can continue this because I'm still contemplating whether this takes place before the aforementioned chapters, after, or somewhere in between. But it will happen, and I'm very excited about it.

4. "Backstage" posts

Since the topic of time came up several times in replies and conversations I had recently, I've decided I'm going to write up some posts on how I do things with regard to my game and the story "behind the scenes". I'll explain a bit more about how I approach time and dates (why is it 2008 in my story, and what does that mean?), but I also want to write something on education and why my students started uni at 20 years old. Also, what's with the bees and the honey? Why all that? Maybe I'll go into that one too.

5. The Grand Honeycomb Valley Tour

I keep promising this and keep postponing it, but I will do it. I will, over time, give you all a closer look of everything I built to make Honeycomb Valley the town it is.

Is it too ambitious to want this all sorted before March?

[emelinstriker]

About those 3 Anon messages recently...

Yes, there's 3 now. Third on came up while I was finishing typing about the 2nd one.

tl;dr context: peeps defending a fictional 2D lego character, questioning the morality of esau (despite the lack of lore context), as well as for some reason a personal attack on me... also smol chinese jesus??? :'D

DISCLAIMER:

I respect y'all's opinions and headcanons and whatnot. It's all valid. However. I expect respect on my own opinions and headcanons return. That's literally all I'm asking.

That's common sense and I will from this point on just delete anyone else's anon asks if they try to argue with me about my standings on these matters mentioned in here. Or this post in general.

There's literally no point in arguing over words written in a story, or debating whether or not pixels on a screen are hot or not.

With that disclaimer being said...

Case 1:

I'm fully aware of the entire discussion thing of Nezha being eternally 12 and all that, but I'm also fully aware of how LMK Nezha is more of a parody on the original. LMK Nezha is more of an adult 2D character who took the characteristics of the source, but then was turned into an aged-up parody.

It's not weird with the context of how things even came to be in the AU. It does involve a form of "infection" that changes those that are infected. In ESAU it's just slightly different from my original story's OCs to appeal more to the Reader. There are people out there who seek comfort in their own superiority complex too, especially if they can never explore that part of themselves normally. If that doesn't appeal to you, that's fine. But don't assume it's weird just because you don't like it if a fictional master/servant relationship isn't for you.

Now, this ask wasn't really bad or directly disrespectful. That was just basic questioning on the general relationship of the AU as well as the LMK Nezha being 12 discussion. So I went to bed, cuz I didn't wanna respond with my rather aggressive response to the topic. Like, I ranted about it to my Discord server, but it was already around midnight and I knew I'd come off as aggressive, despite the logic and facts, if I just copy n pasted the way I phrased the rant. So I went to bed. But then I woke up to an essay in another ask...

Case 2:

I'm assuming this is the exact same person, based on the timeframe and the writing style..? Maybe even the same person who asked that question about whether I'd make Nezha's relationship towards the Reader romantic or platonic..??

For the sake of this entire thing being unworthy of an unnecessary discussion, as well as the fact that the person sending this isn't worth directly responding to if they hide behind an anon face, knowing they would get flamed, I will solely respond to these for my actual viewers, who do enjoy ESAU.

As in, I noticed how almost every single point is easily arguable. Like, they literally just made it up as if every single relationship between the Reader and their champions is romantic. Which couldn't be further from the truth. This is a point I wanna get more into due to how it covers the Master System more. A random anon sending me questions, or rather statements, like this doesn't deserve to get a detailed response to this directly either. My viewers do deserve more insight though. Be it to avoid more people thinking this is automatically grooming, or just to give interested people more lore dump.

To keep it short: Everyone who wants to be a Reader, is a Reader. I myself am a Reader of fiction, which is why I use my persona to fill in the Reader's space in any drawing I do for ESAU. Which is also why Macaque referred to their Master currently being female in that one drawing- Because in that moment, in my drawings, I'm technically seen as their Master.

So when you see the champions swap between their Master using non-binary or female pronouns, this is why. If you see me draw them referring to their Master as a "she", they're referring to basically their current Master in that exact moment. However, literally anyone else can also be placed in that spot.

Whenever I refer to a Reader's reincarnation, I usually mean either "the same person, but another life" OR "different people of the same/a different life". As in, the Reader can imagine themselves having had multiple past lives, or their "past life" is actually another Reader. We're all the Reader. That's why I kept saying the Master System is rather philosophical.

The Reader can imagine themselves if they met their champions as a child or as an adult. However, nothing in ESAU is forced to be romantic or sexual. If you were born as a prince/princess/royalty, that doesn't mean your servants are immediately destined to be romantic or sexual with you, right? That entire portion is up to the Reader to decide and imagine. I do not control what another person thinks of and imagines. If they chose to pick a darker path, the fuck do you want me to do about that? Unless it ends up hurting anyone, or they actively push the topic onto others, I see no issue with however a Reader wants to think up what happens in their life with their servants. All I do is create material for others to play with.

Except for the First Master, any other Reader can be considered either the same person or various people. That's up to the person behind the screen, whether they feel more comforted with one idea or another.

On the Nezha being 12 topic... Do people know what a parody is, I-

LMK Nezha looks more like THIS-

Not as young as THIS-

And he was never said to be 12 years old in LMK. Nor does he look 12, act 12, speak 12, sound 12... LMK needs to be seen and accepted as more like a parody AU of the original story, if that wasn't obvious enough. I find it funny how they brought up my own age though-

Cuz yeah, I'm 21, almost 22, and I do understand the difference between reality's religions, fictional 2D pixels, and the difference between the source and a parody. Wow. Shocker. I know.

Or as I said it in tags earlier today-

Also I'd just like to add… If we go by the theory of specifically LMK Nezha still being 12, despite literally thousands of years having passed, his body being depicted as a fully grown adult in basically every single goddamn aspect of his character within the show… Literally all he got is his paperwork saying he's 12. Like- LMK Nezha would literally just be one of those people that were born on February 29th. Just him not getting any birthdays. Do you assume after literal thousands of years, with his body and mind being mature, and only his paperwork saying he's 12, this dude wouldn't be tryna explore more of himself and his interests, wh-

Like- LMK Nezha isn't the original source Nezha. Simple as that. Just accept it's a parody and be done with it. If you don't agree with it, that's your opinion and I respect that. But don't you dare fucking push that opinion on others who do actually accept the show as a parody and wanna live out their fantasies in said parody.

Your opinion does not mean it's the opinion of others.

Like, the entire age thing in LMK is such a headcanon thing to the point where no one seems to have a solid age, besides maybe MK, who I've seen people calculate his age for due to his driving license and all that. LMK Nezha is confirmed to be depicted as an adult within the show, which is the headcanon I'm going with, regardless of whatever bullshittery people are trying to argue with.

In conclusion: Nezha may be eternally 12 in a story. But that story is NOT Lego Monkie Kid.

On a side note, something I found ironic and funny, is if an aged up character isn't allowed to be sexualized, then I guess if someone ages a character down, suddenly that original source of the character is no longer allowed to be sexualized either, just because that character suddenly has a younger version of themselves. It's not even the younger version that's being sexualized. That literally is the entire logic of this debate on not wanting a fictional character to have an aged up version of themselves.

Good job, nobody wins. I guess nothing can be sexualized at that point- But then again, Rule 34 wouldn't exist then.

Okay, but now this, THIS is where I got REALLY annoyed, cuz NOW we're getting into more personal territory of nitpicking at ESAU. And those who know me are aware of how I go Asian mom mode when my creations, or younger friends and mutuals, are being wrongfully disrespected.

In general, their entire point is a snowflake-behavior nitpick. Branding is also seen as a way to claim ownership over something. The torture part is basically just the pain of it. I could've also just have the champions have one of those toy stamps for lil children be slapped onto them if you really wanna snowflake it all for tHe PrEcIoUs cHilDrEn...

C'mon. I grew up with FNAF and Creepypastas. Which tend to be usually two of the first fandoms I see children get interested in and hyperfixated on. Mentions of brandmarks that have fully healed ain't nothin' at all.

Like, I literally met a boy who was 8ish years old, who was so happy and hyped about FNAF that he asked me to draw Freddy and Bonnie.

Creepypastas also might make one edgy for a while, but they do grow A LOT from it once they leave that phase. So far, everyone I've ever talked to about Creepypastas in the past became such a good person. Because they look back, and recognize morals so much better. They have seen what bad things can happen and we all know where to draw the line between what's fine, and what's not. Nitpicking on LMK Nezha and ESAU doesn't mean anything since it's just that, nitpicking. I know where to draw the line, but this line these people set is a line no one but themselves can imagine.

Show children bits of reality's darker side and they will know how to deal with the knowledge much better and faster as they grow. That wasn't even just about branding, but I'm tired of people saying how we need to keep children safe. Well yeah, keep them safe physically, but they will never fucking grow and become more independent unless you fucking let them think and process the good AND the bad for themselves.

Also on the topic of adding content warnings- Like, the fuck do you want me to even add? Those asks other people sent of the Reader being basically raised by their servants need no warnings, X Readers in general need no warnings, the brandmarks need no warnings cuz they're just there as aesthetic symbols for anyone not invested in the lore, LMK Nezha needs no content warnings-

Literally the only content warning I'd ever need to add is something like gore, which I do admit I didn't add on the ESAU!Nezha X Reader one.

And I'd just like to add a little something that made me raise an eyebrow: They complained about me going against "Wukong's celibacy vows" when they literally admitted to actively looking through the LMK X Reader tag. While that doesn't necessarily mean they would marry or bang Wukong, that means they're at least curious or interested in what a relationship with any of those characters would be like. Which by all means, would not be possible without it being fiction/fanfiction, and without them having some curiosity or interest in the 2D show of LMK.

Like you're literally telling me I'm practically hurting a fictional character's feelings on the matter, but then turn around and try to get with another character.

Fanfiction and AU's are a thing, man. It's all opinions, headcanons, and literally made up shenanigans. And there's nothing wrong with it when it differs from one person to another.

But dumping empty accusations onto me, someone who thinks more logically than emotionally, literally doesn't help your case. Like, you're debating whether or not this 2D character would actually give a shit if someone would wanna bang them cuz they look hot to the other person.

Case 3:

This one just got dropped into my inbox as I finished typing out the last paragraph and just- This is literally just a unnecessary and only somewhat personal hatred thing at this point- But I'm wheezing at the idea of a smol Chinese Jesus-

Bro, as someone who was forced to be Christian on paper, but never gave a shit about it, because Religion doesn't prove anything or form you, I really don't care. And even if that were the case, I wouldn't complain. It's all fiction dammit. You're again, defending pixels on a screen. Besides that, that wouldn't even be the original source character, again. Also in general, honestly, I see any religious story as fiction anyway. Cuz that literally is what a religion is- You put a belief onto someone over a being/a story-

If you're religious, I respect that. But so do you have to respect that I'm not exactly religious myself.

Case 3 was probably the most directly aggressive one of the 3, but also the most unmeaningful one and so unnecessary one... as if that would be the one to prove a point.

Anyway, rant over, I'm done with this.

If I see any other personal hate on me for not sharing the same fucking opinion on such a niche debate, I'll just ignore and delete it all. This is such a pointless topic.

ESAU is supposed to be a comfort zone for those who actually do feel connected to it. If you don't, that's fine, I fully respect it. If people believe Nezha is 12, I respect that. But don't push that onto those who literally are just here to have a nice time away from shit like this. If you wanna "keep the children safe", fucking keep them away from this sort of nowhere-leading discussion topic.

Literally look at Genshin's Twitter Community, this just feels like the exact same type of unnecessary drama I see there.

And no I will not tag these 3 anons. If they respect me enough, they will either just keep quiet or block me and move on. I don't mind. But I refuse to let this bullshit be a whole ass discussion when I'm just trying to have a good time connecting to my viewers after a long day at work. If they look for a fight for some reason, I won't give them one. They can pick someone else for this bullshit, it's not worth my time as it's all OPINION AND HEADCANON-BASED.

And such debates don't end in peace. So I'd rather be the bigger, more mature person and just say "This is the line. Discussion over. We're done here".

Have a nice day, anyone who actually is nice and respectful towards others and their own takes/opinions on things! Weekend's here now tho so y'all ESAU lovers might see some wholesome lil doodles! :D