#this is me coping cause i dont have the space for the actual figures but stickers will do

[rodense]

those badlands rumble figures but make them small and with the maximum designs

[faulty-writes]

Could you do iida, todoroki, and Midoriya with a s/o or friend with trichotillomania? If you dont know what that is, it’s a condition where the person has the uncontrollable urge to pick out/off hair and skin. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to!

[ As a psychology student, requests like these always fascinate me. Like it's so unusual but it is a problem that should have more awareness. I was actually surprised by how much I learned about trichotillomania. Fun fact, if you look at the DSM (Big book about disorders and such) Trichotillomania is classified under Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder as a relatable disorder and can also be referred to as "Hair-Pulling Disorder." ]

As most could imagine, Tenya treated your "condition" with the utmost understanding and support that was only heightened when he conducted research and gathered information regarding the possible causes of it, and the coping mechanisms behind it.

"I understand that safety and comfort are essential in aiding one with your condition. As such I will ensure that you always feel secure and relaxed in my presence without prejudice!" He stated with a smile, continuing to chop his hand through the air and you appreciated knowing that he, in a sense, could be your safe spot.

"Perhaps we can employ this coping strategy next," he suggested. The fact that he remained encouraging and acted as a pillar of guidance and support and helped you find effective and non-harmful coping methods to better manage your condition meant a lot to you.

"Please allow me to assist you, I am quite skilled in disinfecting wounds and such," when he happened to notice the, often bloody, marks on your skin from constant picking, he'd gently persuade you to allow him to clean them. While you felt a little embarrassed because he was bringing attention to your condition, he assured you there was nothing to be embarrassed about.

When he noticed you becoming uneasy or beginning to scratch at your skin or pull at your hair, he reminded you that it was okay to talk about your feelings or he would distract you by bringing up the subject of school or if there was something you wanted to do with him over the weekend.

"I believe that while certain conditions require extensive therapeutical or pharmaceutical methods, you possess an immense amount of inner strength and that your present condition does not define your worth," his encouraging words weren't always what you wanted to hear, but the fact that he believed in you so strongly made you want to try and conquer your condition once and for all.

Shoto was the observant type. Unfortunately, he was also the type to bluntly say or ask whatever came to mind as was the case with you. "Why are you pulling your hair and skin?" But you were too embarrassed and defensive to tell him then and left him without an answer which made him more confused.

After researching, he figured out, or rather assumed, that you were suffering from trichotillomania. He didn't tell you this, of course, but he continued to take the time to educate himself on the condition and the possible ways he could help you without being judgmental.

He was still unsure about how to support you. But much like him, he decided that giving you space was the best course of action. At the same time, he was always ready to be there when your condition heightened, and you sought comfort.

"Um, well we could...uh," he would attempt to try and distract you from your condition on occasion, although he was unclear what exactly to do. He tended to default to certain activities he knew you enjoyed or embraced you as a form of silent comfort until you felt better.

"Maybe you could seek professional help?" You detested the idea of seeing a therapist but knew Shoto only suggested it because he was concerned about your well-being and felt inadequate trying to help you alone.

You noticed that despite the ups and downs brought about by your condition, Shoto never treated you or your relationship any differently. Whether that was intentional or not was unknown, but you appreciated that he remained accepting and loving during your trichotillomania journey.

Izuku seemed aware of your emotional state, and the subtle cues you indicated through your body language. He also noticed you picking at your skin or plucking hair out of your head.

Being the type of person that he is, he begins to document your symptoms and conduct research, all of which he writes in a small notebook dedicated to you. When he believed he had enough information, he presented it to you. "I k-know it might be strange! B-but...if this is...w-what's bothering you, I...I w-want to...I will help you!" His inner hero wouldn't allow him to do anything else.

Despite All Might merchandise taking up at least 95% of his room, he designated it as your safe spot. He'd encourage you to sit on the bed and cradle your hands, asking you to let all your worries go and tell him what had been bothering you as of late. He sought to find a correlation between your emotions and your condition.

"J-just remember, you're...y-you're an amazing hero and or uh, you w-will be and I...I believe in you!" One of the methods of overcoming trichotillomania was to make the individual feel safe and help them recognize their worth. As such, he tried to incorporate positive affirmations whenever possible to help you.

"H-here, maybe this will help t-too," he gave you something of his that could act as a source of comfort and help you at least stop picking at your skin so much. This something happened to be his Air Force gloves that were normally used for his costume, and it was a sacrifice he was all too happy to make.

He was a constant source of inspiration for you, and the fact that he continued to help on your journey to recovery while remaining supportive and loving was something you appreciated and used as a motivator to overcome your condition once and for all.

[delphientropy]

please read our DNI before interacting. thank you!

actually, i honestly wanted to talk about our innerworld and system functions in general for a while. so im gonna talk about my system experiences for once i guess

for as long as we realized we were a system (which must have been around a year or less now) we always doubted ourself because our system was just... weird. thats why i never talked about it. i was very afraid of being fakeclaimed.

we do split from stress and trauma, and some of us do have jobs, but oddly, so many of us dont have any jobs at all. it seems like i, the host, do almost everything and am the sole provider of the system, and if i went dormant, everything would probably just collapse.

our innerworld is SO fucking weird. we have no idea whwere our dormant alters go- or most alters, really, because not that many alters have any access or memory of any innerworld. the sections in the innerworld are categorized by source (oddly, source plays a huge part in our system functioning for whatever reason), and even then its all so fuzzy and messy and off.

it all looks like the incomplete worldbuilding of a kid. loopholes, unanswered questions, random splits and no roles, nothing is organized and everything is chaos- bad memory, basically only one alter is doing everything ever and hes fucking stressing out (and nothing we can do about it because he cant voluntarily leave), random islands in fucking space— what about the oxygen? it really just screams made up fantasy world some child made. like our entire system is run by some small imaginative kid whos obsession for fiction and fantasy and chaos and yet also control while being disorganized.

ive been told many times that our coping mechanism is to avoid. forget. distract. comfort. thats why we have a MILLION fictives. its like a machine in the back of our mind, always humming, always making more fragments that act like characters we know and find comfort in. nah they dont have a role theyre just. there. it doesn't make sense. theres no gatekeepers, rarely protectors, just fictives. fictives with no roles just fictives and fictives and more fictives. one day itll work. every problem will go away if we just make more fictives, the machine whispers. if we just have more comfort, all of it.

i guess it all ties into our kind of trauma and our other disorders which cause chaos and disarray. everything is unexplained. the random pain. dormancy. the entire innerworld itself. its seems complex and structured on the outside, and it sure is creative, but theres no structure. its a kid throwing multiple concepts together to make a really dumb world and a dumb story with it.

if i could make it organized and make it function, i would, but i can barely see it. i cant make up shit and suddenly our brain functions normally. i cant pretend like our innerworld doesnt have patches and holes and never answered questions. i cant trust anything and suddenly it all works. thats why i dont like a lot of the advice im given. "just trust that your alters wont fuck it up and youll switch more!" i do trust them. there are some i trust with my entire being. but i just cant switch. it wont let me leave. im that inner childs favorite character, favorite doll, that needs to be out of the toybox at all times.

im so scared to try and get diagnosed or just any kind of help. because im sure i sound absolutely bonkers when you read all of this. but its a frustratingly bad functioning system. and currently, the only option i have is to just stay in front and do everything. i initially thought i had PDID for this reason, actually. im like the ""main alter"" but i certainly dont have any control over our world. i dont know what to do. and with how therapists keep abandoning me, i wish i could just heal and figure it out by myself. but i cant.

[ghostdrew22]

angst fic where ravenclaw!reader has thalassophobia and is playing with the water by the shore in the dark lake with the necklace draco gave her before they broke up a few years back when the new girl he’s been going out with throws the necklace into the middle of the lake in spite, and the reader cannot afford to lose it djeiwis sorry if it’s messy u dont have to do it ure uncomfyyy

Prompts:

If you die, I’m going to kill you.

Jump In || Draco Malfoy

Requested: Yes Pairing: Draco Malfoy x fem!reader Warnings: ANGST, a bit of swearing, panic attacks and thalassophobia mentioned. Summary: Years after breaking up with Draco you find that the last gift he gave you is still the only thing comforting you, and his new girlfriend doesn’t like that.

WORDS : 3546

Gleaming, twinkling Eyes like sinking ships on waters So inviting, I almost jump in

The crescent moon outside begs for your company and you oblige, preferring to be alone than stuck in a room full of people who pity you. You lift the bottom half of your dress from the ground and sneak out of the ballroom nonchalantly, anxiety dissipating as the soft breeze comes in contact with your face.

The sound of your heels clacking against the cobblestone fills the air as you walk toward the boardwalk hanging above the lake, and it reminds you of a time when Draco would bring you down here. The lake behind the Malfoy Manor has always been subject to your fear, and you rarely ever go toward it, but tonight you’ll do almost anything to feel alone and normal for once.

The tiny ripples forming on the surface send shivers running down your spine and you look up at the sky immediately in an attempt to subdue your anxiety. A few meters away lies the ballroom, full of dignitaries and old family friends of the Malfoy’s who attend their annually ball every time without fail, and you can hear the faint sound of laughter mixed with a beautiful crescendo. You shut your eyes, take a deep breath and drag your fingers up to your neck to toy with necklace lying around it, as you try to imagine that you’re anywhere else.

You’d thought that it would be easier, coming to the ball and seeing him with his new girlfriend, but it had proved to be a bigger challenge than you’d anticipated, and residual feelings that you’d been trying to stuff down for months had resurfaced like anchors being pulled up from the bottom of the sea. It reminded you of what he said that day, “I’m yours forever, even if you’re not mine.”, and the only thing that stopped you from running back into his arms was the chain hanging around your neck.

A silver chain with a midnight blue sapphire dangling on its end, worth one of your arms and a gift from the blond himself. He had given it to you as a promise, one to love you till the sun stopped rising, and at the time you had thought that it was the perfect gesture. But reality hit and you soon realized that a life with Draco Malfoy would be one filled with envy and uneasiness, and you knew then that you both deserved more.

The necklace’s monetary value reminds you that Draco belongs to a long and esteemed family line which demands attention that you cannot cope with. But the fact that it had been his proclamation of love reminds you that in order for you both to lead happy lives, you must be apart. The way it gleams beneath Chandeliers is so captivating that it always brings you back to earth; a life with Draco is inviting, but some invitations mustn’t be accepted.

But I don't like a gold rush, gold rush I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch Everybody wants you Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you

All eyes instantly fell on him the second that he appeared; sporting that notorious smile which always brought people to their knees, and a priceless suit that hugged his figure so well it made all the straight men positively envious. A true Malfoy; charming, rich, attractive, easily the whole package. You didn’t get a chance to speak with him because he was instantly preoccupied with the ramblings of his mother as she dragged him around the room with pride, showing off the son that she’d done such a good job at raising.

Draco’s life had always been politics and he’d been raised to invariably stand tall, look presentable, get good grades, converse well. You watched him in awe every time, admiring the grace and ease with which he conducted himself. But it made you wonder when he’d been taught the art of letting the spotlight go, to focus all of his attention on the one he loves instead of the search for approval. And the answer was that he hadn’t, Draco never grew out of the desire to have everyone’s praise and approval.

‘If everyone loves you, if everyone wants to either be you or be with you, then you’ve succeeded.’ He’d told you late one night after one these balls. You’d looked at him with pity, not having the heart to tell him that love and validation are not synonymous, and you’d hugged him so hard that somehow you both knew it was all coming to an end soon.

He grew up being a magnet to both jealousy and admiration, a symphony of applause being the background track to the movie of his life, and he didn’t know how to live any other way. When all you’ve ever known is lustful stares from fellow peers, stolen glances at the back of your head, and unbridled acclaim masked behind attraction, then it’s hard to put that life behind and settle for the love of only one person.

Walk past, quick brush I don't like slow motion, double vision in rose blush I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush Everybody wants you But I don't like a gold rush

He truly was magnificent though, even you couldn’t deny. Years ago, when he’d walked down the stairs in one of those clad black suits, he had met you at the bottom of the stairwell and you could’ve sworn that you were floating on cloud 9. He had smiled so brightly at the sight of you, had laughed so sweetly in the space of your ear, and fit so tightly into your side like it was a home made only for him, that you were intoxicated on the feeling of him and hadn’t noticed what was happening.

You were falling in love. You weren’t flying, no, you didn’t have wind beneath mystical wings that you’d somehow managed to grow. You were falling, and at a speed so treacherous that you didn’t even realise it was happening until it was too late. One day you were falling, and the next you were ruins buried so far into the ground that you couldn’t even tell where the earth stopped and you started.

Falling in love with him was fast, like a bullet train, but everything after was so slow that you felt as if you weren’t even moving at all.

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful? With your hair falling into place like dominos I see me padding 'cross your wooden floors With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit And the coastal town we wandered 'round had never seen a love as pure as it And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea 'Cause it could never be

Promises to run away together and start a life somewhere off in a distant town.

Fingertips, laced with the narcotic effect of young love, tracing lines across the expanse of each other’s faces and trying to figure out which of the other’s features would be inherited by your children.

Dreams about a time when your lives would no longer be dictated by the paths your parents had set out for you, but instead by the spontaneity and reassurance that came with endearment.

Tastes of tea replaced instead with the taste of each other as long-forgotten tisanes made home on bedside tables because you both got lost in the haze of tenderness.

Arguments about mundane and useless concepts that would go on for longer than necessary, because he insisted on disagreeing with everything, and always ended with your acute responses.

Lives that had once lacked passion, that had once been so dull they compared to Snape’s drawling, instead replaced with all the colours that the world had to offer.

It was the perfect life, the one you two had planned.

But it was too perfect to ever be real.

You take a deep breath and unhook the necklace to observe it once more, hoping that it’ll provide some comfort for the ache in your chest.

'Cause I don't like a gold rush, gold rush I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch Everybody wants you Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you Walk past, quick brush I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush Everybody wants you But I don't like a gold rush

“Y/N.” A voice slurs behind you.

You turn with furrowed eyebrows and roll your eyes when you see who it is, “Pansy.”

“Don’t be rude.” She hisses and hiccups as she stumbles toward you, “What are you doing out here?”

“Could ask you the same thing.” You narrow your eyes at her, “Are you drunk?”

“Just a tad.” She replies as she hiccups again and finally stands before you. You watch silently as she gracefully sits on the wood below her, making sure not to create creases in her dress or fall over in her heels.

“Shouldn’t you be in there? On his arm like a trophy?” You ask, and inwardly groan when you hear how jealous you sound.

“Probably.” She shrugs and looks out into the water. “It doesn’t matter though, I’m not you.”

She looks up and into your eyes, you look away immediately. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to take from that.”

“Yes, you do.” She states bluntly, “He told me why you left him. That was really selfish of you.”

You gasp and turn to look at her, “How dare you? You have no idea-“

“No, actually, I do.” She gets up from the ground swiftly as a fire rages in her eyes, “You think I don’t know what it’s like to be like him? We’re the same, we were practically raised on the same blueprint. Despite what you think, there’s a lot more to the issue than what lays on the surface.”

“Oh and I guess you have all the answers?” You spit out with a scoff.

“I thought Ravenclaws were meant to be smart.” She shakes her head and hiccups as she turns to face the water, “Draco’s entire life has always just been this.” Pansy turns and gestures toward the Manor with a grimace.

“It’s always been about being the best in the room, just so that he can earn five seconds of approval from his parents. But you came, and you showed him more, you gave him a glimpse of what love feels like. Then, because you were scared and couldn’t hack it, you left him.” She continues and you grip the necklace tightly in anger.

“That’s not what happene-“

“How can you possibly expect him to come back to me, to this bullshit, when he’s experienced actual happiness? How is he supposed to come back from you?” She finally turns to face you and you hear a slight crack in her voice with the last words, “I love him so much and if I could make him half as happy as you do then I would.”

“You can.” You breathe out shakily, “If you two try a little more then you’ll realise why it just makes sense.”

“Love isn’t about sense Y/N. It’s not about appearances, it’s not about applause, it’s not about any of the crap that him and I were raised to prioritize.”

“You call it crap but that’s all he knows, and he just isn’t ready to give it all up.”

“Why do you get to decide that for him?” She tilts her head to the side and raises her eyebrows, you look away from her.

“I should probably get back inside.” You mutter as you start to turn toward the manor.

“You’re righ-“ She gasps and you turn to see what’s shocked her, “You still have it?”

“Have what?”

“The necklace.” She points to your hand and you nod awkwardly in agreement, “I helped him pick it out.”

“Oh.”

“A sapphire to match your virtue and faithfulness.” She says absent-mindedly as her eyes lock on the piece of jewellery. “Guess he got that wrong.”

She laughs coldly and you scrunch your face in confusion, “Excuse me?”

“You’re just like the rest of them.” Before you even know what’s happening she’s reached for the necklace in your hand, “You love him until it’s no longer convenient, until the paint starts to chip.”

“That’s not true.” Your voice comes out shaky and lacking conviction, it makes her laugh again in disgust.

“And then who has to pick up the fallen pieces? Me.” She continues to ramble as she walks toward the edge of the boardwalk, you feel your breathing start to pickup as you try to focus on her instead of the lake behind her. “As if I don’t have my own pieces to pick up.”

“Pansy, please just come here so we can talk about this nicely.” You respond and swallow.

“No. You don’t deserve a civil conversation.” She spits out as she finally reaches the edge of the boardwalk and hangs the necklace out by her arm, “In fact, you don’t deserve anything. You don’t deserve his love and you definitely don’t deserve this pendant.”

“No!”

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful? With your hair falling into place like dominoes My mind turns your life into folklore I can't dare to dream about you anymore

Everything after falling in love with Draco happened in slow motion. You don’t know how, or when, but your life had become a slackening slideshow of bad decisions.

You hold your breath as you watch the necklace fall into the lake. It’s as though minutes, hours, days pass in that moment, but you know that it’s merely a few seconds. When the splash finally sounds, you let out a huge gasp and Pansy laughs as she turns to leave.

Panic sets in and you start to contemplate your options. You could jump in and get it yourself? No, that’s absurd, you’re not going to overcome your fear that easily. You could rush into the manor and find someone who’s willing to get it for you? No, no one would take you seriously.

You shake your head and decide to just do the easiest thing; try and work up the courage to get it yourself. You start to pull off your heels and scrunch up your dress so that you can step into the water and you walk toward the edge of the boardwalk.

But as soon as you’re near the water you realise that you can’t do it and your panic rapidly worsens. You step back a few paces before falling to the ground and pulling your head into your knees as silent sobs begin to shake your core.

Breaths, in rapid beats, are going to and from your lungs as the sound of the water swishing fills your ears. Nausea begins to set in your stomach as you think more and more about your terrible predicament, your fear of bodies of water and your sadness at losing the necklace combining to form one indestructible lump in the pit of your stomach.

“Y/N? Are you out here?” A voice calls out from a yard or two away and you try to recognize it, but everything is foggy in your state of trepidation.

“Shit, Y/N!” The voice calls out once more and you hear footsteps pick up to a run as the person approaches you. “I swear to Merlin, if you die I’m going to kill you!”

You realise that the person still hasn’t noticed you, and is probably assuming the worst, so you try your best to croak out a word- any word.

“Here.” You manage to rasp out between sobs and wheezes, and the person immediately runs toward you.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” They ask as they pull your head out from your knees and you try to nod slowly.

You blink back a few tears and try to focus on the face in front of you, “The- the-“ You try to say and shake your head of the confusion as the words refuse to formulate.

“Hey, breathe princess.”

You recognize the nickname and then soon enough your eyes register that Draco’s kneeling in front of you. “Draco?”

“Yes, it’s me.” He responds softly as he cups your face in his hands and tries to wipe a few of your tears, “Take a few deep breaths for me, yeah?”

You nod and do as told, breathing until you finally calm down and manage to think clearly again. “I’m okay.” You breathe out and he sighs in relief.

“I was so worried, Pansy came in rambling about getting back at you and something about tossing and water- And I was just so scared that she’d thrown you in or something, because I know that you can’t swim and you’re terrified of the lake so I-“

“Hey, slow down, I’m okay. I’m right here.” You respond and manage a weak smile. He nods and sighs again. “She didn’t toss me into the water, though I think she would’ve liked to. She threw in the necklace. Shit! The necklace, it’s still down there!” You exclaim as you try to stand up but find that your legs are asleep, and end up coming back down instantly.

“Calm down. What necklace?”

“The one you gave me, the one with the sapphire that you said was a family heirloom?” You ramble and he furrows his eyebrows.

“You still have that?”

“Yes, I do. And it’s at the bottom of the lake and I need to get it back!” You stand up and Draco immediately does the same, placing his hands on your shoulders to keep you still.

“It’s just a necklace Y/N, you don’t need it.”

“It’s not just a necklace, it’s-“ You pinch your nose and sigh, “It just means a lot to me, okay?”

He narrows his eyebrows but nods in understanding, “Okay.” He steps back from you and pulls off his suit jacket, looking absolutely magnificent with his toned shoulders showing beneath the well-fitted shirt.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to get it for you.” He shrugs and you shake your head.

“You don’t have to, I can figure something out.”

“You tried to figure it out and you had a full on panic attack, I’m the best option.” He says sternly as he looks at you and you nod in agreement, “Now just wait, very far away, and let me find it for you.”

“Thank you.” You call out behind him but he doesn’t respond.

At dinner parties I won't call you out on your contrarian shit And the coastal town we never found will never see a love as pure as it 'Cause it fades into the gray of my day old tea 'Cause it will never be

“Here you go, in perfect condition.” He says as he drops the necklace into your hands and runs a hand through his hair. He looks gorgeous and you look down to avoid getting lost in his eyes.

“Your suit is wet.” You mumble with a sniff and he chuckles, the sound makes your heart race.

“We have magic, I’ll dry up.”

“Thank you.” You whisper as you finally look up at him and he smiles, that same hypnotic smile. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without it.”

“It’s just a necklace Y/N.” He smiles softly and you shake your head as tears begin to stream down your face again.

“No, it’s not just a necklace.” You sniff, “It’s you and I. It’s all that I have left of the love that we had, it’s all that I have left of the life we were going to build together.”

“Y/N.” The sternness in his voice makes you swallow hard, but you pull your hand up to indicate that you’re not done.

“Let me talk, please.” He nods and you continue, “This little gem is all the words that we never had the chance to say. It’s the nights we would’ve spent climbing into bed together, in our little house that’s tucked safely into a small town. It’s the cups of coffee I was going to make you when you woke up in the mornings, and the cups of tea you would’ve made me when we went to sleep. This little gem is the only thing I have to remind me that our love was real.”

“It also doesn’t hurt that it costs a fortune huh?” He asks with a grin, despite the fact that there’s sadness in his eyes, and you nod with a choked out laugh.

“Definitely a bonus.” You say as you laugh a little more and wipe away a few tears.

Draco pulls the necklace out of your hands and opens it to put it around your neck once again, and you turn around so he can put it on. “Look, Y/N, life is too short to fill up with ridiculous mistakes. You left me, like I never mattered to you, and it broke me.”

You turn back around quickly, “That wasn-“

He twists you back around abruptly, “Let me talk now.” You nod and he continues to hook the chain around your neck. “It took me months to decipher what you meant when you said that I had too much love for the spotlight, that I didn’t have the capacity to let it go. It took me months to finally grasp what you meant when you said that people fall at my feet, that my contrarian demeanor is a crowd-puller. And the recognition hurt, a lot, because I realised that you we right about most of it.”

You feel his fingers leave your neck as he places a soft kiss on your shoulder, “What was I wrong about?”

He pulls you back to face him and smiles as he looks down at you, “The only thing you were wrong about was my unwillingness to let it go.” He pulls you into his arms for a hug, and you sigh in his arms.

“You can’t just leave this life Draco, we both know it isn’t that simple.” You muffle into his chest and the vibrations of his chuckles make you smile.

“That’s where you’re wrong angel, I can just leave this life. You never gave me the option but,” You pull apart and he smiles so wide that you think his face might come apart, “I would give it all up, for you.”

Gleaming, twinkling Eyes like sinking ships on waters So inviting, I almost jump in

His eyes are shining as they look down at you with adoration and commitment, and it takes all the strength you have left inside to not pull him back into your arms. He brings his fingers up to the sapphire and rubs his thumb along it.

“It’s not all you have Y/N.” He pulls your chin up so you look him in the eyes, “I’m still right here.”

~~~

get added to my taglist 

taglist: @dracoscene @dreaming-about-fanfictions @astoria-malfcy @gwlvr @wh0re4blaise @marrymetheonott @dracomalfoyposts

~~~

hi lovies! guess who’s finally feeling good enough to write again! :) we’re going to ignore the fact that the FOOLWAG sequel is beating my ass though

I will not lie, I had a great time writing this, possibly one of my favourite requests by far. I was originally going to make the ending angsty but I figured  @evermoreeve (thx sweetie<3) reminded me that we all deserve a happy ending now and then.

anyway, i love you all,

jean <3

[corpsehusband-simp]

Weight of the World

WARNING: This is a sensitive Fic that deals with depression, mentions of dark thoughts, punching a wall, and anxiety. It has a fluffy ending. 

A/N: Please put yourself first and don't read this fic if it will put you in any kind of dark place because of what is metions and please know that my DM’s are always open. Feel free to message me all hours of the day or night, I am always here to talk.

 Request: this is a touchy request so i understand if you are uncomfortable with writing it. it’s kinda a comfort/coping prompt but can you write corpse x reader where reader has been going through manic depression and just pushes everyone away and performs self destructive behavior, and corpse has to talk y/n out of su*icide? recently i’ve just.. been really going through it is all i can say. if you don’t wanna write it, totally understandable ❤️

Paring: Corpsex reader, Sykkuno x reader (best friends)

You rolled over in your bed as your phone rang, hiding yourself further into your covers. You woken up yesterday morning and your depression had hit you full force. You couldnt really put a finger on wheat caused your manic depressive episode but it was kicking your ass. It had been a while since you felt like this and you couldnt find the strength at the moment to pull yourself out of it and in doing so you were pushing away the person you loved the most. Corpse. The love of your life but you couldnt even answer his phone calls or texts. Instead you physically turned away from his caller ID, the last time you had talked to him was through a text yesterday telling him that you needed space and that was all.

The more you thought about it the angrier it made you, the angrier you became with yourself. As your mind slipped into darker, angrier thoughts your phone rang again but think time it was your best friend Sykkunos ring tone, Big booty bitches. 

Corpse must have called him. You thoguht before reluctantly picking up the phone, wiping tears from your face. “What Sykkuno”

“Oh uh h-hi y/n. I just wanted to uh call you and check up on you, you didnt come to the Among Us lobby yesterday.” You sighed.

“Im fine Sy.” Your tone was short and rough, you hated acting this way but you didnt want to pull anyone else down intot the slump that you were in.

“O-okay, well im here okay. Love you y/n/n”

“Yeah love you too sy. Never forget that.” and with that you hung up on him, tears running down your face again as your thoughts continued down a dark route.

CORPSE POV

Corpse was going out of his mind trying to figure out what was going on with you. After your text yesterday he had been battling his anxiety on wether or not he should oush the situation, corpse knew you depression could get back sometimes but he also understood sometimes people just needed space. So he turned to the only other person he could trust right now, Sykkuno.

“Hey buddy.”

“Oh hey corpse, whats goin on?” It made corpse smile to hear that at least sykkuno was still his normal cheerie self.

“I need a favor, I think y/n is having another episode butbut she wont answer my calls so I was wondering if you could try and call her for me. See if she answers.”

“Yeah of course man, but why dont you just go over there?” Corpse sighs.

“Im going to but I dont want to push ya know. Its- this is a touchy thing.” Sykkuno hums in agreement before hanging up. Corpse paces back and forth in his livingroom till Sykkuno calls back.

“Hey Corpse”

“Did she answer?” Sykkuno sighs.

“Yeah and she doesnt sound like shes doing very well.Im actually really really worried Corpse.” Before Sykkuno could even finish his sentence Corspe was grabbing his car keys and hoodie.

“Im heading over there now, Ill text you later with and update. Thank you for calling her.”

“Of course, just keep me updated.” Corpse faster than he ever had , it was a mirical he didnt get pulled over.

Please be okay, please be okay. He repeated in his mind over and over as he run up to your apartment door. He entered quietly and quickly, not even bothering to take his shoes off. You entire apartment was dark and eerily quiet but as he neared your bedroom he could hear your quiet cries coming from the bathroom. He knocks on the door and tires to open it but it was locked.

“Go away.” You cried with broke Corpses heart.

“Baby girl, please open the door.”

“NO please just go away!”

Your POV

You felt out of control as you cried so you puched and yelp in pain. Corpse wastes no time kicking in the door.

“Im sorry baby Ill fix that I promise.” He says quickly as he kneels down beside you. You didnt know if it was the suddenness of the door kicking in or him beig here or both but you broken down into even more of a crying mess on your bathroom floor. Corpse pulls you into his chest and you try to fight him off. 

“No leave me alone, go away!” He only held you tighter and closer.

“Y/N I’m not going anywhere. We made a promise to eachother remember? We promised to never leave eachother remember? Me and you together. Im promise to fight next to you. So please just breath and let me help baby please.” Eventually you stopped fighting against him and clung to him like your life depended on it, and in this moment you were positive it did. You didnt know how much time passed between that moment and when Corpse finally stood, holding you bridalstyle as he carried you to the room. You laid both you you down, never letting you leave his hold. As you laid there Corpse left sof kisses around your face and whispered sweet loving things to you.

“You are so strong Y/n” He ran his fingers through your hair and kissed your forehead. “You are beautiful and smart” Corpse kisses your temple. “You are worth every single breath you take, every single atom and molecule in this universe that you take up you are worthy of.” He gently lifts you chin so you were looking up at him with your red, puffy eyes. “A wise girl once told me, that I know it gets hard and feels like the weight of the world is one your shoulders but theres two of us now and you dont have to take the weight on alone.” You sniffle and look up at him.

“Hey I said that.” Your voice was weak and horse from crying.

“Yes baby girl, you did, and I hope you knoe its true. I am right here.”

“I dont want to burden you, I know you have some much on your plate already I dont want to throw my shit on there too.” He shakes his head and lays his forehead on yours. 

“You arent burdening me, the only thing that ever puts more stress on my plate is when you push me away because I cant help you when you do that.” You sniffle reaching up and brush your finger tips across his cheek. 

“Im so sorry I put you through this.” Tears started to well up in your eyes but Corpse qucikly wipes under them and peppers your forehead in kisses.

“Hey hey hey none of that baby. Alls well now. Im here now.”

“Thank you my love. You are my rock.’

“And you are mine”

✨Tumblr Taglist✨

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[kafkagf]

stream of consciousness

im screaming found my former coworker who i went on a date + hooked up w at the end of the semester’s reddit and omg its not looking good girls....like i dont want to be too mean but why do i attract ppl w nothing going for them w no ambition? he seemed really nice and genuine when we were talking and whenever we would hang out but now i have no idea how to judge ppl :( obv i know no one is perfect, im not perfect, i dont wanna be mean maybe im just coping but i just want him to talk to me lmao...

is going through his reddit an invasion of privacy? i guess id be annoyed if someone found my tumblr but i have no real identifying information here besides my name and age and he posts in all the subreddits of his interests. like it doesn't take a detective to figure out who you are!!! i kinda feel bad about learning so much about him this way, like its kinda through him but he isn't sharing these with me :/ sometimes i just cant control myself when it comes to like temptation and/or uncertainty :((  so according to his post he’s not busy, he’s on his “summer grind” so hes literally just been ignoring me, i texted him last thursday and he still hasn't texted me back, i refuse to text again to save my dignity but my god...honestly its summer so i totally get wanting to relax but if he was actually into me like he said he would want to talk to me right?? 

once we talked about not trying in our non major classes and we both agreed we didn’t care...but not caring in my book is a B+ and apparently he failed his summer abroad course?? in the post he talked about how he doesn't care about his gpa and ive been on the dean's list since my freshman year like im such a loser my gpa means so much to me. in terms of compatibility he also like drinks and does a lot of drugs and im p much sober and straight edge, our date went well and didnt feel awkward but maybe thats because i literally got rides home from him so we developed a report. 

i remember this post on here about tumblr being an aesthetic echo chamber and omg on our date i felt it, like i kept referencing things that i thought were like common knowledge and he had no clue what i was talking about, like philosophical concepts or films or whatever (pretentious girl things 😣) but omg why is dating and relating to college guys so hard :( to be completely fair to him i was like unclear on the date but i did hook up w him and have talked about a future with him very very lightly so i feel like he knows im interested? no idea man 

i might hook up with him again if im bored or be friendly with him but i dont think i should get too close to him, from what i found he seems like he has a lot going on in his life and i feel kinda bad for him, but no matter how much i rag on him im the bigger loser for getting played (possibly?) by him!! we’re both adults ill give him his space whatever. luckily i quit my old job and we aren’t in the same major or anything so i dont HAVE to see him again, its pretty much all my choice. but WHATEVER, L posting is good for the soul sometimes. 

i really miss being in the city. being home literally makes me so lonely and sad, ive been peeling the yellow wallpaper and whatnot, but like i caused all my misery so i have no one to blame but myself for my current state. 

[jcfoxington]

@sambambucky​ : “pls... Pastels, Peaches and Pain??? among us first draft??? marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts (it’s not an au!?!??!)

hi jo !!! Pastels, Peaches, and Pain is one of those sambucky wips i have mostly fully fleshed out in my head because of one (1) extreme moment of clarity after a rogue ‘what if’ tangent thought but havent written anything of yet out of restraint / knowing i need to finish at least one of my current sambucky wips before i start it or none of them will get done

this was the rogue tangent thought: “what if Sam is haunted by Figaro’s ghost and has been since he was a kid?”. i’ve changed the ghost cat to not be Figaro but that’s the premise !

i refer to the fic as the cat fic ‘cause the whole plot is based around sam’s ghost cat companion insisting he adopts nat’s cat Liho after endgame and then Figaro later and then [insert redacted because plot spoilers but just know it relates to Alpine]. no im not projecting my feelings about cats idk what youre talking about 

here’s some note snippets just for you:

the cat, inexplicably, takes a liking to bucky, which is really annoying bc sam doesnt know how to explain to him that all the oddly soft gusts of wind are actually sam's dead cat insisting on getting pats

bucky getting shade thrown at him by said ghost cat during all of tfatws + them making up (and not out. yet)

starts when sam's a kid & follows him as he grows up w/ a ghost kitty as a companion only he can see & interact with + angst with an undertone of comedy + getting together

he whispers to ghost kitty, who simply mmrrs happily

for the among us first draft thing, what basically happened is i saw this tweet and this video and my brain latched onto these dynamics so hard i had to write about them. 

here’s a sketch of my two main imposters, Black (left) and Cyan (right):

and here’s a snippet:

The thing having Cyan pause and stare out at the asteroid field is how the colors stretch to family. When they and Black came aboard, they had thought every crewmember was an adult working on the planet-change project. That the patch of off-white with a black something-pattern-or-shape signified status. In a way, Cyan supposes it does, but just not the way they expected. They had expected it to show what rank an individual held within the hierarchy of the crew, from deckhand to division leader to captain, not to show that you're family of the crew and not actually part of the crew itself. 

There are innocents on this ship. Children. It was not something any of them had anticipated, and not something Cyan had been prepared to deal with. They and Black boarded this horrible place to eradicate a threat, believing each and single one of the humans were accomplishes and dedicated to the goal of destroying Cyan and Black's species, and their planet. But, now?

marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts... doesn’t have a wip title or seperate document for itself yet cause it’s been stuck in my ‘story ideas’ document since its creation. so ‘marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts’ is literally just me describing the vibe of an original world gjkerfkds

the world came to be for two reasons. firstly, i want to do make take on a superhero universe because the plot and complete lack of communication in both the dcu and mcu piss me the fuck off. secondly, needed a place to dump ocs with elaborate backstories or fantasy / sci-fi abilities that dont fit into any of my existing worlds

which sounds super competent but trust me, it isn’t. it didn’t gain any solidity at all until i decided to do a personal ‘how different can i make spn castiel look & still retain the same vibe?’ challenge. i have my own cas now

however, the reason i said ‘marvel meets...’ is because i’ve snagged a couple of different things from the mcu, most notably: enemies to reluctant coworkers to lovers, yes our best friend have the same name. no they’re not the same person, secret evil org is controlling the government, and the assassin that tried to kill you several times is now your best friend

warframe was added to the world because i got attached to my Volt build, gave them a name, and have some headcanons idk what to do with because i refuse to interact with that fandom. also because the friend i made through discussing warframe lore + plot dicked me over so it feels Bad to create for

the glue to this whole mess is that one “in every friend group there’s a mean bisexual, an even meaner lesbian, a she/they, a he/they, a himbo, an astrology bitch, a short king, and a token straight” tumblr post. my main group of superheroes ala the avengers consist of these people. the token straight is the only one i havent figured out who is yet

ever since i figured that out ive been throwing story / character ideas and weirdly specific aesthetics from popular tumblr posts into this world’s notes. here’s some examples:

sword grandmas

that trope where someone’s really nice and acts super well-adjusted to society but then they do something super whack and dangerous and you realize ‘oh they’re secretly a little bit insane, actually’

anti-gay group’s leader’s wife leaves him for another woman

superhero who swore to be the best hero [city / planet / solar system / continent / ????] has ever seen ever since he lost his wife. not because she’s dead but divorce just sucks & the hero-to-be is terrible at coping

dishevelled swamp witch

that one person who runs around with an amulet all the time & isn’t aware it’s cursed

an exasperated, tired superhuman assassin running after their husband and their husband's best friend. their husband and said husband's best friend both have wings. chaos ensues (yes, this one is a sambucky post)

ask me about my WIPs!

BONUS:

@sambambucky​​ : #i want to have a coffee and listen to synopses of all of these.... #i miss the discord wow #WRITING TAG #waitttt time jumping dream movie? lmao I'VE READ THIS LIST FORTY TIMES and every time i rediscover something i wanna know about #outfit doodlesss ugh i need to go

couldnt not respond to your tags because they make me go ghrkjfnerknf but in the good way. we miss you too jo !!

the time jumping dream movie was one of the first vivid dreams i had and the whole thing was so stupidly coherent and whacky i had to write it down. it grew plot, a queer love dynamic, weird sci-fi apocalypse elements, anti-military propaganda, questionable science, and a sequel while i wasnt looking and now i just. have to make it a real movie or i’ll combust

outfit djoodlles.png is only on there because my best friend sent me a ‘draw this outfit’ meme and space kitty, my current character brainrot, stole all the outfits for himself. otherwise, that file just sits there until im feeling like designing an outfit or wanna see how a stupid thing looks on my oc patrick

here’s one of the two poses-to-doodle-outfits-on of space kitty ive made so far:

and here’s one of those stupid things on patrick (that then turned into an actual outfit of his because i have no self control):

[sleepy-shutin]

hi! i think im going thru a self doubt stage rn. im in my 20s and after a traumatic event happened last year around may/june i started to hear voices and dissociate a lot. i already had issues recognizing myself in mirrors and i have no memory of my childhood. i had an instance of two significant voices speaking to me in hs when i also had a mental breakdown but then silence. i dont remember my hs years either except for that part. around may/june a lot of my friends started figuring out they were systems and since i shared so many symptoms like them i figured i am a system. i had a lot of activity a lot of people i interacted in my head until now. its been so quiet and now im doubting. i fear i may have hyperfixated on did/osdd to cope with the traumatic experience in may/june. my bpd is making things worse bc i bonded with the systems and now my doubt and my bpd are making me believe ill lose them all bc now i cant hear anything. im trying to see if there are any mental illnesses that could explain this. bc i have memories of stuff "i" did but i have no connection to. ik you are a rational person and can call out bs and i just want someone elses perspective on this that doesnt know me personally -p

i'll start by saying i'm not a professional and can't diagnose or un-diagnose someone with DID, so i'll give my advice for your situation and what helps me during periods like this, but i can't tell you if you have DID or not.

it's normal for quiet periods to happen even in DID. i've certainly had them, times where i was stable to the point that i haven't switched very often if at all, for days, weeks. one of those periods actually just ended for me as of a couple of days ago, where i started switching more again.

however, one of the best pieces of advice i can give to someone in a situation like yours is to take a step back from system spaces for a while. don't think about the possibility of having a system too much. keep a journal and try to journal as much as possible, but don't focus on who might be fronting or if you're experiencing passive influence, just exist. this is something that ends up showing me that i definitely still have DID in the end, and may help you figure out if you do or don't. take this time to not focus on DID and whether or not you have it, but just to focus on living your life instead, while keeping this journal to talk about your day. if you struggle with dissociative symptoms that make you feel numb or disconnected, or struggle with describing your emotions, you can always journal through the day instead of just once a day, and instead say something like "i went to the mall and i felt good". one thing we also like to do in our private discord server is use reaction images, custom emojis, memes, cursed images, whatever, as well as drawings, to show how we feel if we have trouble describing it in words.

having memories of stuff "you" did with no connection to it is a very normal thing for dissociation as a whole, not just DID. there's a whole category of dissociative disorders that could very well explain your symptoms if it's not DID. there's also the fact that BPD itself contains many similar dissociative symptoms to DID already.

i don't know what (you think) caused these voices to suddenly stop and quiet down, or what you've started/stopped doing that may be causing it, so i'll run through a few options.

if you're having a period that's not very stressful, it's normal to switch less or to have less activity from your system.

if you've experienced a huge stressful period and are calming down from that, this may also cause your system to be less active as one part may need to be in front while the others stay back and dissociative barriers increase.

if you're "frontstuck" it's normal to experience less of your system, or so i've heard.

if you've stopped interacting with system spaces as much and your system went quiet as a result, this may point to your system being socio/psychogenic in some form; i.e. you thought you had DID but it ended up not being that, but as a result of hanging out with a lot of systems/in a lot of system spaces as well as due to misinformation and misunderstanding of DID, you could have mistook normal symptoms of another dissociative disorder or BPD for DID instead.

it's also quite possible you're experiencing symptoms of DID and not noticing them because your perceptions of how DID works causes you to believe it's consistently more overt and hard-cut than it actually is. this is something i've done before as well, so if that's your case, it's likely the result of misinformation and misunderstanding of DID.

in short, it could be a lot of things; stress induced psychotic symptoms causing the hearing of voices that aren't there, a dissociative disorder, BPD, etc. i can't tell you what disorder you may have, but i hope these things can point you in the right direction here.

[cassyapper]

loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)

dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough

anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:

special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3

track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!

1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place

2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:

3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh

4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...

5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them

6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh

7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck

8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL

9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO

10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers

11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld

12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):

13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass

14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...

15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them

16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah

17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6

but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!

[lifeinthegladhouse]

long personal post apologies to anyone on mobile, just...scroll on by...

---

There’s so many things............I wanted to achieve in 2020, which is I’m sure what everyone has said. Somehow I still think 2017 was worse, but .... I don’t know. I was really alone then. I almost lost both my parents, this year I was safe with a better job, good partner, and only lost one (at least I got to see her once in a decade to say goodbye)....ultimately this brought me to heathenism in a weird and roundabout way. It’s hard to know she was really walking around with this poorly depicted Viking nonsense ‘false odin’ with cerberus (why?) going on, lord, she would’ve hated left heathens BUT ALSO wasn’t even a pagan to begin with (so she says, but being a pentecostal and having psychosis, while this does not a pagan make, made for a quite magickal and brutal experience). my mother was a trickster entity in living flesh. at first, i learned into having guides for the first time. i wondered if it was a coping mechanism, but i shrugged, because it was not my intention to see the numbers repeating, or the ‘loki’ every..single..day..for a week... in the weirdest fucking places... it was not my intention to lose my best friends in this city (which is not my final destination, ha) because they were too busy having poly drama, to, idk, support their friend, and then ghosted me, or came up with some weird passive aggressive bullshit. it totally dominated my 2020 - the pandemic, then mom dying, then the deities, then the loss. my card of the year was the hermit, i thought that was such a joke considering the pandemic. how could that then apply to me more personally? I haven’t had time or space mentally to recount the beautiful parts of the year because we’ve been stuck inside, inside during riots, inside during west coast smoke hell, inside where the spiders are. astoria was beautiful. it was god given. i knew what was real was real that day. it’s been seven months since mom passed, and i know her spirit has contacted me. it has brought me closer to my own spirituality which was accidentally rampant chaos magick that i was unaware of - introduced to me by ten years of tricksters who I never quite recognized. at the altar, id pull cards, i began to learn runes, and id ask, “were you always there? was that the presence that was always there?” I don’t know, much of the paranoid presence I felt my whole life ended when mom died. so much ended. i still want to write about it. again and again. because i forget that it happened, i compressed it so far back. everyone walked away and all that remained was my partner and the unseen. i would get straight answers on the altar, but never for that question. i never understood, and still hardly do, why loki came - was it to console me after the passing of my mother? somehow a veil had been lifted and my already wack ass intuition became 25% greater, somehow i felt seen and heard by others. at first, i was scared... i had always gravitated unknowingly towards tricksters and mercurial beings, loki came during the week of L*ghnasadh, after I’d been reading abt the ACTUAL “mercury”/hermes.... it was as if to be like, oh, you’re looking to NAME US FINALLY? THIS ENERGY, HERE _______. I was a little sheepish of Odin because of the association..... and I never quite got an answer. Sometimes still, I am struggling to understand this deity, however many a time loud and clear he and Loki have responded within the half-hour, be it some really weird ultra-specific shit to crop up, flickering shit, popping, knocking over. I turn to him frequently as, the more I read, the more I trust... this understanding of inarticulatable parts of myself - when I read about odr I was thinking of what this could mean for me, especially as a trans person, and it moved me. when I think about knowledge, and loss... when I think of the underdog vying that Odin (and of course Loki) represent, it is always with grace and honor that I am glad to be In It. I struggle tho, cos no matter how viscerally real my experiences have been, and no matter how little I would ever wish to disrespect them by denying faith, as a human who has run far from christianity and is skeptical of everything, every day, I’m like, ‘how much can I lean into this? is this ‘weird’ or delusional? am i acting like a child?” but, ..... I have learned from many smart and creative folks of the same ilk that we are not alone and the passage of time cannot destroy old gods so easily, and I am honored to be called to that. 2020.....that is.....to me, the year of death and rebirth. it was the only parting gift mom could give me. as she died, I told her I knew the lord had brought me there. I knew we had made it JUST in time, by many many strokes of good ‘luck’, to see her off. the last day we saw her was the last day she’d ever seen both her children together in her life. of course, she probably hardly recognized me. and she loved my brother more. had spent less time with him. oh lord, she did look at me with burning eyes of distrust and hatred, but that was not her fault. she was so ill. god she was so ill. dad joked, after she died, ‘maybe she’ll finally be in valhalla’, he didnt know what that meant. mom was a ‘devout’ christian woman of “god”. she was no pagan. she did not serve odin. but 2 months later when I discovered them, I heard his words ringing in my head, and I had to laugh. It’s been so hard...losing the queer comrades I had with me because of ? what ? exactly ? I still dn’t know, watching someone I spent 3 years being ‘close’ to basically patronize me that she always had reservations about us, never let me in, or get closer, like real friends, .... id cry and cry thinking, why, did i lose the one figure who brought me into this world, who i never had, for ten years, who abandoned me and hated every ounce of my being, and to confront this NOW in the middle of a pandemic, where i have zero way to the outside world to cope, and then to be left behind AGAIN by SO MANY PEOPLE, i felt Loki’s comforting presence. I’m trying to focus on the future again, that’s what 2021 is giving me. the “year” label, “when mom died” is over. even if that event forever changed my life far beyond that of a normal passing (?) I mean, it’s never normal when a mom dies, much less a woman like her, have mercy, it’s over. 2021 is the “year when we move to los angeles” its the “year when i start a REAL band again instead of be a side piece for a woman who cant get real with herself and her drum machine”, the “year when maybe ill take my adhd meds and hrt” we’re suspended in a stasis, there are big ups and downs. in two weeks i quit my med of 2 years, because it’s causing harm and i actually dont technically need to be on it anymore. im scared and excited. i need the change. i need the CHOICE. 

[starmakerdotcom]

summary : solar congratulate botanica for debuting and welcome them to the dorm building by throwing a party for them.

characters : all of solar + botanica ensemble

genre : comedy / fluff

warnings : swearing , they literally just make fun of each other the whole time . but mostly it’s just a lighthearted piece . it’s also the most chaotic piece i’ve written . oh my god they’re so annoying i hate them so much they’re just kids whose internet should be taken away . it’s also all over the place so if it’s hard to follow lmk

words : 3.4k

[ july 2019, 3:58 pm, botanica dorms ]

“do you think this is too much? they’re just moving in.”

“of course not!”

the party planning committee- which consisted of yongmi, elizabeth, and hyesoo- stood back and admired their work with the other five members behind them. the three of them did surprisingly decent with the small amount of space in the dorm’s living room and kitchen area and the probably under $30 budget they’d pooled from all their pockets and wallets. multicoloured streamers hung from multiple points on the wall and ceiling, bowls with assorted flavours of chips were placed artfully on the coffee table, and a big banner hung above the door that was obviously originally one of those “happy birthday!” banners, but the birthday part had been covered up and now said “happy debut!” because it was no one’s birthday. at least forty balloons were strewn out across the floor- which yongmi almost busted a lung trying to blow them all up- they were gonna get more helium ones but because of their tight budget they’d only managed six. which was fine, six balloons for six boys, right?

“it looks like an eight year old’s birthday party,” minjung said.

“hey! we had thirty dollars, i’d like to see you do better with that,” hyesoo replied, shooting her a glare, which minjung shrugged in response to.

“are they coming soon?” honghui asked, which yongmi responded to not with words but with an expression that clearly stated she didn’t know. meanwhile elizabeth was occupied with her phone seemingly texting someone.

[ new message from : DONT ANSWER//kim sangWHORE ]

[ DONT ANSWER//kim sangWHORE : are we allowed to come up yet ]

after quickly typing out a response, elizabeth announced, “they’re on their way up!”

“quick! hide!“ hyesoo exclaimed, frantically searching the room for a hiding space.

“it’s- it’s not one of those parties,” yongmi replied quietly while hyesoo spotted a nice hiding spot behind an armchair, completely ignoring yongmi’s words.

while elizabeth adjusted the chip bowls and pop bottles on the table for the twelfth time in the last ten minutes, the door opened slightly to reveal baekhan cautiously peeking in.

“are we- is this good can we come in now? are we good?”

elizabeth gave a thumbs-up in his direction, “all set! MINJUNG! get the door!”

minjung sighed, “i should be the one bossing you around,” but despite her comment, she complied and got the door for the six boys.

“so... we did the best we could, we had a tight budget,” yongmi explained as the boys made their way inside, completely ignoring or just not noticing hyesoo jumping out from behind the armchair and yelling “surprise!”.

“kinda reminds me of a little kid’s birthday party,” elliot laughed as tian dashed past him in a beeline for the chip table.

“that’s what i said!” minjung exclaimed.

“elliot! don’t be rude!” baekhan hissed, swatting him in the side of the arm, but not enough to hurt him, even though baekhan was the leader, elliot was tall and strong enough to punt him across the room if he so wanted. and baekhan wanted to set a good example and not make his group look like a dysfunctional mess in front of their seniors.

“i think it’s nice,” jaeyi said, “thanks for doing this, there was really no need.”

“i know,” beth shrugged, “just felt like throwing a party, y’know?”

jaeyi suddenly looked down as he felt someone poking his stomach, and there stood hyesoo, the one poking him, looking up at him with an expression that was a sort of weird mix of amazement, jealousy, and confusion.

“hey you!” she called out with wide eyes, “why are you so tall?” hyesoo was short on a normal day, but her 5’0 figure compared to his 6’2 absolutely dwarfed her, and jaeyi had to keep it together and try not to laugh at the tiny girl in front of him.

“oh my god hyesoo! at least use formalities or something!” minjung snapped at hyesoo, who turned around and looked at her with an innocent expression, then promptly turned back to jaeyi.

“would you rather me call you oppa?”

jaeyi shook his head, “not really, no.”

“good! me neither! i’m gonna go talk to someone else now, talking to you makes my neck hurt.”

jaeyi nodded awkwardly as hyesoo skipped away to the chip bowl, and elizabeth clapped her hands together loudly.

“isn’t it time to actually get this party started?” she announced, only earning a few scattered “heck yeah!”’s but continuing anyway.

“come on! let’s go!!”

“so, min, i have a question,” baekhan sat on the couch with his hands clasped together underneath his chin, and minjung sat next to him with her legs crossed, listening intently. “how do you do it? honestly, how do you cope with being the leader, i want some advice.”

“let me let you in on a little secret,” minjung said, and baekhan leaned in closer, “i don’t.”

“no way!” he jumped back in surprise, “same!” minjung laughed and soon, baekhan followed.

across the room, standing next to the chip table, elizabeth and jaeyi had started talking.

“soooo, how do you feel about debuting?” elizabeth asked in a light, giggly voice, twirling a strand of hair around her index finger.

“it’s... a lot, but i think i’ll get used to it,” jaeyi answered, completely oblivious to elizabeth’s cheesy early 2000s disney channel romcom style flirting attempts.

“how old are you, anyway? you don’t look that much older than me,” she asked, batting her eyelashes.

“i’m- uh- 21,” he answered simply, “why?”

“just wondering,” elizabeth replied, “i just turned 18, so you aren’t that much older than me-“

she was suddenly interrupted by elliot coming up behind jaeyi and exclaiming a little too loudly, “jae, man! there’s this really cool... pop bottle that i need to show you real quick,” he clapped a hand on the taller boy’s shoulder and leaned into his ear to whisper, “i’m saving you, man.”

“i can hear you!” elizabeth huffed, crossing her arms across her chest.

“yeah, stop flirting with my bro, it’s fuckin’ weird, man,” elliot responded in english- albeit not proper english, obviously, but being raised in america such as the former, elizabeth understood no problem.

“what makes you think i’m flirting with your bro?” elizabeth said.

“maybe the whole- oh my god, hi jaeyi! how are you? how old are you? just making sure i’ll be able to get in your pants without you catching a case!” elliot mimicked in a high voice, complete with the hair twirling and eyelash batting.

elizabeth rolled her eyes.

“just watch it, okay?” elliot said, and began walking away only to immediately bump into minjae after a few steps of obviously not watching where he was going.

“oh shit sorry,” he said quickly, still speaking english.

minjae looked up at him, not exactly understanding what he said so instead he simply replied, “hi.”

“hi,” elliot echoed, “mj, right?”

minjae nodded, “i like...” he reached up and touched his hair as he tried to find the correct word in english, a language he was in no means fluent in, “...your hair.”

elliot chuckled, “thanks,” and in realizing the other didn’t speak english well, he said, “you know i can speak korean, right?”

“oh! yeah, okay, that’s better,” minjae said with pink cheeks, obviously much more comfortable now speaking in his native tongue. “elliot, right?”

elliot nodded, “i’m fine with whatever, elliot, eli, hanryeol is my korean name if that makes it any easier for you.”

minjae nodded, “hanryeol... i like that. but what if i call you... yeollie?”

he’d never admit it out loud, obviously, but minjae’s little gesture of giving elliot a cute nickname sent his heart up into his throat and painted his face a bright shade of red. so instead he chuckled again and covered it up with a little nonchalant “...cute.”

“isn’t it? and i came up with it on the spot too.”

minjae was just as adorable as the nickname he’d given elliot. when he smiled or spoke, his eyes lit up like he was admiring a star filled sky, and without thinking, elliot blurted, “almost as cute as you.”

he didn’t really think about what he had said until he saw minjae’s smile drop and his face go red, regret set in immediately. “oh god- not like that-!”

“weren’t you just telling off that other girl for flirting with jaeyi? and now look at you two!” a voice behind elliot called causing him fly around, bringing a hand to his chest so his heart didn’t bust out of his throat for the second time in the last minute. when he saw sangwoo standing behind him with a shit-eating grin, he quickly raised a fist like he was getting ready to punch him, and sangwoo retreated.

minjae rolled his eyes at sangwoo, and surprised at his reaction, elliot asked, “you two know each other?”

he nodded, “we were on a dance team together a few years ago, we’ve never really gotten along. i mean, no offence or anything if you like him.”

elliot shrugged, “nah i get it, he’s a bit of a bitch sometimes.”

“i am literally right here,” sangwoo said, laying a hand over his chest like he was offended, even though he knew full well that he was indeed a bit of a bitch sometimes.

elliot scoffed, “get lost.”

when sangwoo eventually left to go annoy someone else, minjae leaned in closer to elliot’s ear and whispered, “i don’t actually hate him, he’s just annoying and he gets on my nerves sometimes. i don’t have the balls to say i hate someone.”

“it’s all cool,” elliot laughed. “anyways i should probably- go over- there,” he jabbed a thumb somewhere behind him.

“no- yeah- you go do that i’ll- see you around,” minjae replied just as awkwardly, and the two split up and went in separate directions.

elliot ended up at one of the snack tables next to daniel and tian, the latter busy with a bowl of chips and the former watching elliot fumble for a plastic cup and a pop bottle with a slightly exasperated look. daniel took one look at his flushed face and knew exactly what was going on.

“simp,” he snorted.

“i’ll fucking hit you,” elliot threatened, not taking his eyes off the cup he was pouring for himself, but it was all too evident that his cheeks were burning a brighter shade of red than they had been before.

“no, i get it, cute little guy, isn’t he?”

“stop trying to fit in, hetero,” elliot said in a sweet but condescending voice, looking up to meet his eye and taking a sip of his drink.

“YO!” they were suddenly interrupted by a voice, and when they looked over to see the source of the voice, hyesoo was standing on top of the kitchen counter with one of those cheap plastic megaphones. “WHO THE FUCK WANTS CAKE?!”

there were a couple scattered cheers, followed by a “HYESOO! get down from there you’re gonna hurt yourself!” from minjung.

“they bought cake? damn, they really went all out,” daniel commented, but elliot wasn’t listening, he was already walking over to where the party planning committee was bringing out a big store bought cake with icing flower decorations and the words “HAPPY DEBUT” written across it in pink icing.

“i think... peach should cut the cake!” yongmi said, “he’s the leader, he should get to do the honours.”

baekhan shot up at the mention of his stage name, and immediately his cheeks went pink and he mumbled out a quick, “ah, no... i’m not good at cutting cake,” in response.

“nonsense!” yongmi exclaimed, “how bad can you be? get over here?”

baekhan reluctantly moved up to the front, where they had the cake set up on the table. and to his (and the rest of his group’s) surprise, he didn’t mess up too bad, and the party planning committee cheering him on didn’t seem to help much.

“you guys really went all out on the eight year old’s birthday party theme huh?” elliot commented, “here- i’ll help hand it out.”

“so have you talked to anyone else yet?” honghui asked tian, who sat next to him with a mouthful of cake.

“not from my group? yeah, i talked to the girls over there that put this all together, they seem nice enough,” tian explained, “i mean- obviously i’d like to get to know you guys better, we’re gonna know each other for a while i’m assuming.”

honghui laughed, “yeah, once you get to know them you might not like them as much. they’re kind of annoying sometimes, but i love them.”

“trust me, i know annoying,” tian replied, “have you talked to eli or clover yet? then you’ll know annoying..”

“i know sangwoo,” honghui said, “i used to-“

jihoon sat down next to him with a piece of cake, cutting him off with a loud, “WHEW!” minjae sat down too, but not as loudly. “so anyways,” jihoon said as he shovelled a forkful of cake into his mouth, “what’s up?”

“tian and i grew up in the same city, isn’t that neat?” honghui said excitedly.

“big city,” jihoon replied simply while shovelling more cake into his mouth.

“talk to anyone else?” minjae asked.

“yeah! peach and jaeyi,” honghui explained, “they both seem like super genuine people, you can tell baekhan is really good at being a leader. jaeyi reminds me of myself in some ways.”

“ah, a simp? and a pussy?” jihoon said.

“a- a what? i don’t know english slang, jihoon-“ honghui replied, furrowing his eyebrows, “but anyways, they’re both super nice.”

“i’ve talked to... yeollie and sangwoo a bit,” minjae said, trying not to roll his eyes at his own mention of the latter’s name.

“...yeollie?” minjae’s eyes widened when he realized honghui’s confusion, and he quickly corrected himself.

“i- i meant eli!”

“you’re already giving each other nicknames?” jihoon exclaimed, tian snickered beside him as he got up to go get more cake.

“well- i mean- i just did that to make his name easier to remember,” minjae mumbled, shoving a large piece of cake into his mouth to try and distract from the flush creeping up his face. he then immediately started choking on said piece of cake.

“MINJAE?! oh god, oh fuck-“ jihoon exclaimed in a panic. he seized minjae around the shoulders and started yelling at him, “ARE YOU CHOKING?! ARE YOU CHOKING?!”

“he can’t respond if he’s choking, dumbass!” honghui yelled back at him, “stand up and put you hands up! i heard that helps somewhere.”

around this time is when tian came back, a plate with two more slices of cake in his hands, and immediately froze. minjae stared at him with his hands in the air, looking like he was silently pleading for help.

“do you think i should- should i go and get someone, or something?” tian said.

“NOPE! we got this!” jihoon exclaimed as he hit minjae on the back, “i took a first aid course with boy scouts when i was in fourth grade, i don’t need help!”

honghui sighed, rubbing his temples, “they’re gonna need help.”

but just as soon as tian was about to get up and call for someone, minjae managed to yell out “i’m good!” and sat back down again. jihoon patted himself on the back.

as he sat down, minjae pulled something out of his mouth, “oh! that’s probably what-“ but then he stopped when he was it was a small slip of paper. he could make out a phone number quickly jotted down in purple ink, as well as a short message below it.

call me

- yeollie

“so that’s why he offered to help with the cake...” tian glanced over to the cake table where elliot was standing with a bright red face. he saw tian staring in his direction and immediately looked away. “what a dumbass!” tian exclaimed, “does he not realize that he could’ve just asked for your number?”

“the mind of a teenage boy works in strange ways,” honghui replied.

“word,” jihoon added.

“i mean... if he wanted to be my friend he could’ve just asked,” minjae said, to which tian laughed loudly.

“this is elliot we’re talking about?” he said, “if he just wanted to be your friend he wouldn’t go through all that. he thinks you’re cute, mj.”

“ooh shit!” jihoon exclaimed as minjae sat there, red faced and staring at his hands.

“YO! LOOK OVER HERE!” they heard hyesoo yell once again, and they looked over to see her standing on the counter with her cheap megaphone. “I NEED ALL THE BOYS OVER HERE. THE NEW BOYS. DON’T CARE ABOUT MY THREE. GATHER ‘ROUND THE PARTY PLANNING COMMITTEE.”

tian looked over to hyesoo, confused, but reluctantly got up and made his way over, but not before telling the other three at the table to not touch his cake. jihoon stole a bite as soon as he turned around anyways.

“so, since we’re gonna wrap up the party soon because we don’t wanna be here too late, we’ll give this to you now. we have a present for you!” hyesoo explained, now sitting on the counter with her legs swinging in front of her, “it’s handmade because we’re great artists if i do say so myself, and we put a lot of time and emotion into it.”

yongmi pulled a medium sized canvas from behind her back. on said canvas was what appeared to be- when baekhan leaned forward slightly to get a better look- a macaroni portrait of the six of them. surprisingly well detailed for an art piece literally made out of noodles, who knew.

sangwoo was the first to speak, like usual, “that’s-“

“i know,” elizabeth cut him off, “we were on a budget, we could only get the cheap macaroni.”

“no, it’s not that,” sangwoo continued, “why macaroni?”

“it’s the best for art pieces,” hyesoo replied confidently.

“i think it’s cute-“ daniel said quickly before sangwoo began to speak once again.

he sighed, “no i mean- why macaroni and not, like, actual paint or something?”

“feels more personal this way,” hyesoo said, sticking her nose up in the air, “and if you have a problem with it then i guess we’ll keep it.”

baekhan lightly shoved sangwoo back so he wasn’t at the front to say something possibly rude without realizing. “i’ll take it- thank you guys, i can see all the effort you put into this.”

“where the fuck are we gonna put it?” sangwoo called from over baekhan’s shoulder, who cringed internally and desperately hoped he wouldn’t say anything else that could leave a sour taste in the mouths of the other three girls. who very obviously put in the effort they could into this party and the gift with the budget they had.

baekhan sighed, knowing he had a lot more to do to try and humble sangwoo. “i’ll take the macaroni thingy.”

jaeyi looked to sangwoo, sensing baekhan’s frustration just a little bit. “what’s the big deal? i think it’s really cute. and considerate, they already threw a party for us and gave us a present.”

“this guy gets it!” elizabeth exclaimed, throwing her arm up to gesture in his direction.

“i mean- we would’ve gotten something more extravagant if we had a larger budget,” yongmi said carefully, “but anyways- since we’ve basically done everything we were planning on doing should we start to clean up? we don’t wanna be in the way of you guys settling in here.”

while the party planning committee were talking, tian was tugging on baekhan’s sleeve trying to get his attention. when the shorter male turned to him, he asked, “can we order something? maybe pizza? we didn’t eat dinner.”

“what are you talking about- i just saw you eat three slices of cake,” baekhan whisper-yelled back.

“that wasn’t dinner,” tian replied simply, “you should know that everyone has a dinner stomach and a dessert stomach.”

baekhan sighed once more, knowing arguing with tian was essentially pointless. “does anyone want pizza?” he asked loudly, “you guys can stay for some if you want.”

yongmi slowly looked around the room, waiting for someone to respond before her. hyesoo and elizabeth looked like they wanted to say yes, honghui, jihoon, and minjae were sitting in the same spot as before, looking like they didn’t even hear, and minjung and yeonwoo sat on the couch, yeonwoo staring at them in anticipation and minjung looking confused, probably didn’t hear either.

“i’m down for pizza,” yeonwoo finally said, followed by a jumbled mix of agreements from the rest of the people in the room.

“alright!” elizabeth exclaimed, “change of plans, the party isn’t over yet!”

“what are you talking about? the party never ends when we’re here,” daniel said, playfully winking. the rest of botanica groaned in unison as baekhan dialled the number for a nearby pizza place.

[combat-wombatus]

uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

or

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍♀️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p 

[strongsassysexysloane]

You and Me - Cont. Recovery

So I don’t do case specific stuff or medical, but I wanted to write a certain situation so I bit the bullet or in this case bomb. 

. . . 

Its been two months since you first kissed and emotions were admitted and its been great. You spend most weekends at each others place with a few nights during the week spent together when there's no intruding case. This case has been just out of reach for over a week now. Someone had been going around DC assassinating people by way of small explosions and the toll was currently at three people.

"Found something. Abandoned warehouse down town. Shell company but its the same as the others." McGee explains while everyone grabs their gear.

Everything happens so quickly. You and Ellie enter via the back door of the warehouse and you see the wire spring and you throw yourself over Ellie before the bomb goes off. You can hear voices, its all jumbled but you hear a siren in the distance and just let the blankness take you.

"Please wake up, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Sweetheart just please wake up." You can hear Jack's plea but it feels like a thousand miles away. You want to respond but the blackness pulls you back under.

"She's going to be fine Jack." Gibbs voice doesn't come out as confident as he hoped.

"Don't lie to me Gibbs." Her voice cracks.

"She's going to wake up Jack." He reaches over and squeezes her shoulder. Jack sobs and squeezes your hand.

"She has to. How did you not get bomb squad to go in first?! He's killing people with bombs for crying out loud." Shes defeintely sobbing now. Holding your hand and resting her head against your waist. "Baby please wake up."

"If you need anything Jack, just call. When she wakes up, please call." She doesnt say anything just nods. Gibbs leaves reluctantly but he needs to find the bastrd that put one of his agents comatosed in the hospital. He stops in to see Ellie signing herself out. "You need to stay here."

"Hell I do. How is she?" Ellie has a few scrapes on her cheek and forehead, her left arm is in a sling but she's been cleared by the doctors to leave and take it easy.

"Still out. Jack will call if there's any change."

The day falls to night and you havent shown any signs of waking. It's been 8 hours since the explosion, 4 since you came out of surgery to remove shrapnel from your shoulder and thigh. Jack tries to speak but nothing comes out, she just looks at you with tears falling down her cheeks. Both of her hands wrap around yours and you move a finger. Jack chokes out, afraid she was mistaken.

"Jack.." You choke out and slowly open your eyes to see a red eyes, flushed cheeks and Jack crying. "Hey.." You hate seeing Jack cry.

"It's ok. Don't worry baby. Just relax, I'll get a doctor." She goes to leave but you hold onto her hand and nod slightly towards to call button. She half laughs and presses the call button. You reluctantly let go of her hand once the doctor comes to check on you, your eyes don't leave hers as she calls the team to tell them youre awake.

Its another two days before you're released from hospital and are on strict orders to take a week off work. To your suprise Jack gets a few extra days off because as Vance put it shes getting no work done edge wise so she might as well be at home with you and work from home if needed. You can't complain. Jack has been by your side since you got home from hospital 3 hours ago.

"Come here please." You wriggle back into the couch and you watch Jack walk towards you from the kitchen. She holding a cup of tea.

"What do you need?" She sits on the edge of the couch and you tug are her shirt. She places the cup ong the coffee table.

"You." She smiles and lies down on her side facing you. You wrap your arm around her waist and tug her closer so your noses are only millimetres apart.

"How are you feeling?" Your eyes drop to her lips and you don't answer her question. Just capture her lips in a passionate, moan causing kiss.

"Sorry I put you through that." You rest your forehead against hers.

"You dont need to apologise. Someone should've call the bomb squad." You smirk at her anger. That would've been the smart thing to do but they responded quickyl, wanting to catch the guy but instead you got thrown hard, hitting your head and shrapnel as a reward.

"Probably but it didn't happen and I'm sorry-" You brush your nose against Jacks which makes her mouth curve up into a cute smile.

"Stop it."

"No. Becuase if the roles were reversed I dont know how I would cope." You kiss a tear that rolls down Jack's cheek and you pull her in and she starts crying. "I'm fine. I get you all to myself for a few days at least. If I knew that would happen I'd do it-"

"No!" She chokes out and you stop that sentence.

"No I wouldn't but when I'm back to 100% I think we should go away somewhere."

"That sounds amazing." Jack leans back and looks into your eyes. "Where?"

You smile and run your hand up her arm, cup her cheek. "I'd love to see you surf."

"You just want to see me in a bikini." She accuses and you laugh.

"Maybe." You kiss her and she smiles.

"Only if you wear a bikini as well."

"Sounds like a fair deal." She laughs and curls back into you. You relax with her against you, the slight pain from the position is dulled by having her relax in your arms.

She looks after you, helps you move from the bedroom to the couch. She doesn't go home until she runs out of clothes and only when you insist that you can be left alone for a few hours does she reluctantly leave promising to grab some food before returning with enough clothes to last another week.

"Hey. You were meant to stay on the couch until I got back." Jack comes up beside you, wondering what you're doing. "Why did you all of a sudden need to clear out a draw?"

You smile at her and see the moment she figures it out. "If you need more space, I can move around some other things. There's space in the cupboard as well to hang up your dresses and power suits." She reaches and pulls you by the back of the neck in for a deep, passionate kiss. "Mmm I should've done that sooner." You both laugh and Jack helps you back to the bed to sit down even though you are capable of doing it yourself. You enjoy Jack fussing over you and she enjoys doing it.

"Thank you." She smiles and helps you prop yourself up on the pillows.

"Go on. Sort out your clothes. I'll watch." You wink and she shakes her head with a smirk. You enjoy watching Jack move around your room. Like she's meant to be here and you want to tell her but know that the draw and cupboard space is enough for now.

She joins you on the bed not long after, satisfied with her sorting and you roll into her. She sighs and you know what she's thinking.

"I'm fine. I can actually move around you know." You push yourself up and Jack runs her fingers across your cheek, avoiding the scratch just under your eye from the explosion. "I may look like I'm half dead still but I'm good. I've got a check up on Monday and should be back in the office if everything is good."

"I know. But-"

"But you want to be here with me, I know babe. I want you here too but work needs you more. Lots of cases and your paperwork is getting out of hand on my coffee table." She leans over and kisses your lips. "Not that I don't love your crap everywhere in my house." She nips at your bottom lip and you smile.

"You haven't complained before." You kiss the tip of her nose and rest back into her shoulder.

"Not complaining." There's silence and you begin to drift off to sleep but Jack's phone rings.

"Hey, yeah she's alright." You hear the mumbled voice of Gibbs.

"You woke me up!" You groan and here a chuckle through the phone.

"She is a very grumpy morning person. Ow!" She laughs and drops a kiss to your head. "Yeah I know, you what? I'll be there in twenty. Don't start without me!" She snaps the phone shut.

"Found him?" You guess and you roll off her and move to get up.

"Where do you think you're going?" She tries to tug you down.

"You will miss out on interrogating him if you argue with me on this." You here her grumble and you hop out of bed slowly. She helps you put on a jacket and both leave within minutes of Gibbs calling.

"Hey! You aren't meant to be here." You walk in behind Jack into the bullpen. McGee hops up and gives you a gentle hug and then Ellie does the same. You havent seen the team since you left the hospital.

"You look like shit." Nick laughs and you just chuckle.

"Thanks Nick." He winks but the smile disappears when he sees Jack's glare. "She knows I'm joking."

"Go home y/n!" Gibbs orders.

"Don't you have a bad guys to interrogate. Plus Jack drove so I can't really go home without her, now can I?" You can see Gibbs ready to fight it. Probably to call a taxi.

"The sooner we interrogate this guy, the sooner she can go home." Jack mediates and you just smile, looking at your girlfriend and then to Gibbs. Gibbs gives up and walks off to interrogation with Jack in toe.

"Need a hand?" Ellie asks as you hobble after them.

"I'm good. Thanks. Want to see them tear this guy to shreds." Everyone follows you to interrogation.

The guy is smug and tight lipped. He notices Jack's emotional state and plays into it. Jack almost punches the guy but Gibbs is quick to intervene and Nick is quick to jump into interrogation and Jack leaves.

"Smooth Agent Sloane." You lean against the doorframe to observation.

"Like you wouldve kept your cool with that dickhead." You reach out your hand and Jack takes it, you walk back into observation and watch Gibbs finally break the guy. Caught him out on a lie and you rest your head on Jack's shoulder as she wraps her arm around your waist.

"Think Nick was going to punch him if he didn't get caught out." McGee commented from beside you.

"Gibbs was about 30 seconds away from flipping the table." Ellie mentioned and you all chuckle.

"Now can we go home?" You smile at the thought of Jack calling your place home.

"Lead the way." You say your goodbyes to the team and promise Gibbs to have your detailed report from the explosion in his inbox by end of day tomorrow.

. . . . 

[lostparker]

bitter p.p - part two

pairing: peter parker x stark!reader

summary: ever since peter parker arrived, it’s like you’ve been invisible - especially to your father - leaving you feeling pretty bitter. but are there other sweeter feelings that are being drowned out?

warnings: angst, mentions of battle

words: 1.8k

A/N: here’s part two! hope you enjoy. i dont know how i feel about this part so as always feedback is appreciated. 

read part one : here

✨ masterlist ✨

You’d woken up feeling more refreshed than you’d felt in weeks. Not to mention the conversation with Steve had made you feel much, much better.  You’d shaken off some of your bitterness towards your father and you felt ready to try and put things behind you. You’d decided that a good place to start would be for the first time in months to join the rest of the team. It was supposed to be a simple search and rescue mission and seemed like a good opportunity to re-integrate yourself. Furthermore, part of you knew that if you didn’t go Steve would ask more questions and you’d end up having another conversation about your feelings. But if you were honest getting out of the compound did end up sounding really appealing and you really did end up wanting to go.

You’d been so excited that you’d almost forgot about the minor five foot seven lycra-clad hitch in the whole plan. Peter. Tony had invited Peter. Of course, he had. There was no one without the other. You were still not exactly sure how to feel around him yet, because while Steves conversation had helped it hadn’t made everything you’d been feeling for months disappear. To make matters worse he’d practically paired the two of you up, so avoiding him and trying to figure things out wasn’t really an option. You couldn’t help but mentally roll your eyes. Tony was busy going over all the details about how you had to watch out for each other while you shot your eyes pleadingly at Steve. However, he just shrugged and his words from the previous night were echoed in both your heads.

“What makes you more upset? Your dad being so interested in Peter and so distant from you, or the fact you haven’t had the chance to get to know the only other kid around here that's your age? Or is it something else? Do you like Peter more than you're letting on?”

You could tell from the way Steve's eyes softened and looked between the two of you that he was encouraging you to make the best of it and deep down yes you did want to spend time with Peter (even if you didn’t really understand why the impulse was so strong). Steve wasn’t trying to be a mean. Something told you that he was a lot more observant than he let on and that he knew you better than you knew yourself. Because you were almost certain he knew that you really really didn’t hate Peter at all, and that maybe, maybe, this was the opportunity you needed to see that. This was your chance to figure that out.

You became lost in your own thoughts and you didn’t notice the looks of confusion on the rest of the teams faces as they surveyed the monitors on the jet. You snapped out of your head and noticed that buzzers were beeping aggressively and there was an angry red light flashing continuously above the control deck. Your father pulled a lever and the plane landed abruptly causing you to be thrown around in your seat. Thank god for seatbelts or you would have ended up on the floor and with some nasty bruising on your behind. Something was wrong, you didn’t need a superhero sixth sense to figure that out.

You turned to look at the rest of the team, who all looked equally uneasy with the situation on the screens. Except for Tony who looked angry enough to blow steam and Peter who looked beyond anxious. His senses were going haywire and you could tell by the gloss in his eyes and the way his hand was trembling that he was moments away from a panic attack. You’d experienced a fair few yourself and knew the signs well. You reached out before you could stop yourself and placed a hand on his knee, causing him to jump slightly.

“What’s wrong?” You whisper to him, trying to keep your tone normal and distract him from his increasing panic. You realised those were the first words you’d spoken to him since you’d shaken hands and said initial hello’s on his first day. The first time you’d touched him too. So you weren’t sure if you actually helped or made it worse for him. Because if his senses could sense how you were feeling at the minimal skin to skin contact and the way his eyes looked so panicked you were certain that you’d just made it worse. If it did, he didn’t let it show.

“I’m… I’m not sure, I think we’ve just been ambushed.” He responded quickly, nervous energy still radiating off him. He jumped up and out of your grasp as he headed over to your dad to find out more. You could see him pressing buttons and prepping the rest of the team, sharing hushed words and fearful glances. Peter snuck unnoticed glances at you while listening intently to something Natasha was saying to him. You strained your ears to hear the end trails of the conversation you saw your father and Steve were having.

“I don’t know what happened Tony, but this wasn’t part of the plan.”  Steve whisper shouted, looking more and more annoyed by the second.

“You really think I don’t know that…” Tony trailed off, glancing around the rest of the team who appeared ready and like they knew what they were doing. All except for you.

“We’ve got to do something, we can't just leave knowing there's a threat out there.” Bruce interjected, motioning to beyond the doors of the jet at whatever had the team so rilled up. Causing both Steve and Tony to sigh in defeat, knowing he was right.

“You.” Tony said pointing directly to you causing you to focus. Mainly because he was giving you his full attention for the first time in weeks. “You stay on the jet, you hear me.” His tone was panicked and you could tell, in that moment that his fatherly care that had seemed to be absent for so long lingered deep down.

“But Dad… I could… I could…” You muttered, standing up from your uncomfortable plane seat, trying to offer your help. But you had no idea what was going on outside and it wasn’t like you’d been prepped for a battle. You were prepped for search and rescue. This wasn’t what you’d signed up for. This wasn’t something Tony would have allowed you to come on if he’d known this was going to happen, and Steve certainly wouldn’t have encouraged it. They had no intention of putting you in danger.

“Not a discussion” He barked, causing you to stumble back and sit down in your chair. Your hands gripped the leather-bound rests and you clenched your teeth. The rest of the team gathered what weapons they had and got off, ready for a fight whatever was out there, while you sat left to watch from the jet feeling completely helpless.

As he disembarked Peter cast you a glance over his shoulder. There was something different in his eyes, as if your minimal interaction earlier had bridged an invisible gap between you two. The atmosphere felt different and you couldn’t help the butterflies that filled your stomach when his eyes met yours. This was not the re-introduction and bonding mission you’d had thought it would have been when Steve was talking to you last night. The door shut behind him and you were left with silence and a sense of fear about the change in the day's plans.

You must have been sitting in the jet for twenty minutes before you heard the explosions outside. You could hear the team strategizing over the coms connected to the jets internal system and with every crash or rumble outside your unease grew. Your suit feeling way too tight as anxiety for your only family began to wash over you.

You made the mistake of looking out the window, where you saw flashes of Peter’s red and blue suit in between explosions of fire and gunshots. Based on the spacing you’d gauged from the last three explosions you saw him dangerously close to where you figured the next explosion was going to be and the stupid boy was not getting any further away from it. You were screaming at him in your head. God Peter, get back. But he didn’t and it was like you could see it all in slow motion. Boom. Explosion.

Then all you could picture was your father crying at Peter’s funeral. The aura of grief that would surround the team indefinitely. You imagined never seeing his face again and while you used to think that was what you wanted you realised in that moment it really really wasn’t. The sequence of images was so clear in your mind that you were almost scared they were real, or at least some premonition of the future if you didn’t do something about it. Next thing you knew you were out of your seat, out of the jet, running and jumping in front of Peter, pushing him out of the way. Then…

Boom.

Your eyes were shut as searing pain floods your rib cage. Your ears were ringing and all you could smell was smoke. It flooded your lungs making you need to cough which only increased the pain in your chest. You felt like you were on fire and all you could do was pray that you weren’t. You felt heavy, and you just wanted to sleep. The pain was beginning to become exhausting, you were almost ready to succumb to unconsciousness when you heard him. Him. Peter.

“Oh god, oh no no no no. Why would you do that? Oh no no no no no. Please no. Do not die on me. Do you hear me? You are not going to die on me. Mr Stark! Mr Stark! Emergency!” Peter’s voice was muffled by his mask and the explosion but you could still make out the panicked strain in his voice as he shouted over the coms desperately for your dad.

“Okay kid, it’s okay. I’m coming, just try and keep her awake. Okay?” Tony's voice was much calmer than Peter’s but you knew him and you could tell he was freaking out just as much. But Tony needed to keep a level head or Peter would lose his shit and he couldn’t cope with that and deal with you. Your eyes fluttered open and landed on Peter, crowned in a halo of burning amber light from the explosions behind him. He was lifting you up gently to avoid causing you any more pain.

“I have to get you back to the jet, okay?” He mumbled, more to himself than to you. “Why would you do that?” He asked, voice strained and laced with something you couldn’t quite decipher. Almost like it was thicker, like he was on the verge of tears. He was holding you with one arm now and using the other to brush a stray hair from your face.

“My d…dad would be crushed if you died, P…Parker.” You coughed as your arms locked around Peter’s neck. You wondered if you fell would he catch you? You felt him sigh heavily under you and you were almost certain that if you weren’t in his arms he would have run a hand across his face in dismay.

“And what if you died!” He spoke, exasperated. “Did you think about that?” Your concentration was fading and the pain was not subsiding. In an attempt to numb it you closed your eyes but you began slipping in and out of consciousness. “Hey, no no no no, you have to stay awake. Just until we’re on the jet, you just have to stay awake.” The anger from Peters tone had disappeared and you could feel his pace increasing as if he was sprinting back to safety.

You tried to talk to him, but your words never made it further than your head. Your throat still clogged with smoke and the effort of breathing beginning to get tedious. You felt the clutched of darkness calling you and the last thing you remembered was Peter placing you on the ground in the jet and the way he looked like he was going to throw up before Bruce and Tony worked around you trying to gauge how bad your injuries were. Then you slipped under and all there was darkness.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------]

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[jinxiaroo]

i kind of dont know how to start this post cause ive been contemplating whether to put it up but i guess fuck it right cause this is my space and if you judge me. fuck you cause who are you.

what a year 2019 has been. i mean it was a fucking shit show. probably one of my loneliest year by far and this sounds like maybe im bragging but in retrospect i brought it onto myself. i was single for a year. went thru online dating and honestly met some cool ass people and some not so great people or people i just dont vibe with. i learned alot about myself. learning to cope with things like being alone and understanding that people have their own shit to deal with. i also had some great times as well. i got to go to edc vegas. moonrise. travel to banff and atl and mexico. i got my dream job, although realizing later on i kind of fucked up. not what i actually wanted. but hey i fucking got what i wish for right ? i hoed it out like a boss. but now might be using sex as a coping mechanism and now idk if i will ever find someone to date because i got this black soul of mine who learned to shut down her emotions. i even tried to get a therapist which i think was helpful because it validates my thoughts. that its fine and healthy i guess. that what i wanted is normal. im not crazy. though i know my ideas and beliefs are still controversial but its alright they are mine and i will never shove it down someone else throat. i am fair. a big highlight is i paid off my student loans. i am proud of that achievement. all while living it up to my potential. i got even closer to my friends. the bond we have i know its gonna be a lifetime. they are my chosen family. im not perfect but they love me for who i am as a person. im trying to be a better version of me. ive done some fucked up shit. wont say it but i did some shit that i would never do again. i would never try to hurt anyone again. though it was never my intentions at the expense of someone else's happiness.

i hurt my arm and i think ive gotten better and my self image, i think has gotten poor. i started to care alot more. maybe cause i was going on dates and stuff. idk i care more about the superficial shit now. which idk if its totally bad or not because i definitely started to dress better. but whatever. ill fix that when it becomes a serious issues. 

i guess i really internally looked inside of me and try to figure out who i am as a person and i am still trying to figure out what i really want out of life. because i dont want kids, nor get married. People always ask me why, i mean how can i be married if majority of the couples that i know or are related, never had a marriage that last. why would i think that it would be for me . what makes me think that i am so special. maybe its just not meant for us. thats fine, i dont mind being alone . shit happens right? if you cant control the situations, you control your mind set. im coo with that. i also forget to mention (another highlight) i got to go to japan ! in april for my solo trip. idk if its something i would do again. it was pretty lonely. its all gucci mang. 

[thenixkat]

Animorphs notes: Megamorphs 2

Megamorphs 2

Marco 1

Saw something on the news and mentioned it to the others leading to everyone in a storm trying to breathe in dolphin morph

Of course its not like sharks need to breath air and might be better in some cases

Marco uses humor to cope

Rainy day

So why are the animorphs getting involved with a sunken nuclear sub?

Marco wants to go out of his way to save people again.

Him and Rachel are like the most likely on the team to become superheros

Or they could put their stuff in a bag and bury it on the beach instead of putting things in the trash?

How exactly do these guys plan on rescuing people?

Cassie 1

Everybody morphs dolphin

They find the sub

Jake 1

Ah yes the plan to kidnap an officer. Totally would have no negative reprocussions

Can’t just act in a weird and obvious manner to direct people to the sub

Sometimes dolphins help people, sometimes dolphins kill people. Its a rulette game as to whichever a dolphin is more interested in at the moment

The writter makes a comment on war and nukes

A nuke goes off and instead of being vaporised by the light the kids get transported through time and space for some reason

Rachel 1

One of these days a kid is gonna get trapped in morph when they’re uncoincious

Cassie’s the only one who had any injuries from the fucking nuke going off

Why is there a volcano over there? There shouldn’t be volcanoes where they are

Rachel watches the Magic Schoolbus

That’s not how plesiosaurs work and you could never mistake them for a whale even with sonar

Ax is smug about those not being whales

Tobias 1

Why the hell are fucking plesiosaurs intered in them in the first place?

Tobias got vored by something big enough to swallow a 10ft at least dolphin whole

This is causing me pain

Rachel got vored by something that can fit 2 ten or so foot dolphins inside its stomach

Looked it up and yeah no, plesiosaurs were def known to not have flexible necks by the time this was written

No that can’t be an ichthyosaur b/c they’re gone by this point in the Cretaceous and the on ly ones that big were likely FILTER FUCKING FEEDERS

Random ass gulper eel dolphin sea monster

Rachel decides that morphing is the best idea in the stomach

Tobias morphs too

Jake 2

Ax doesnt get to have a turn yet what a surprise

Cassie says they should try to rescue Rachel and Tobias, Jake says thats a fucking dumb idea and he’s right

Jake is pissed at people getting themselves eaten and Cassie coming up with dumb fucking idea

There should actually be some seagull like dinosaurs but I think those were discovered much later than these were written

Kids finally put 2 and 2 together and realized that they aint in Kansas anymore

They havent actually put togther the gone back in time bit yet

Jake and the writer seem to be under the impression that dolphins have no natural defenses

They are almost there in realizing what happened

Cassie 2

Still no fucking Ax narration

THESE KIDS ARE REALLY FUCKING DUMB

Sauropods did not leave elephant like foot prints. At all

Nope not figured it out yet

Cassie, you should know that whales can’t swallow whole full gown dolphins

Cassie almost gets eaten by a crocodilian and these kids still haven’t fucking figured it out

Wait a minute. Grass doesn’t exist in this time period

Also Cassie should know better. Herbivores can and will fuck you up with little provication

They finally figured it out

I see we have movie monster Tyrannosaurs

Rachel 2

Wow Ax really doesnt have any rights does he?

...that’s not how anatomy

Bears are not herder to digest than dolphins

This is hurting ,me

Tobias everything you said aside from the hadrosaurs was pure bullshit

Rachel thinks the dinosaur angle is rediculous

Tobias 2

Tobias you have a fucking hork-bajir morph you utter dumbass

Wow Tobias is bad at morphing, he can’t even get rid of his injuries

Tobias gets to be extra useless and cause Rac hel pain by haveing to perch on her

Grass doesnt exist in this time period

There was a gradual decline in the late Cretaceous of nonavien dinosaurs, the asteroid was the last nail in the coffin

T. rex was just another animal not not much more dangerous than say a lion, just bigger

Marco 2

Ax doesnt get to narrate I guess

There is no reason for the tyrannosaur to be chasing them it just made a fucking kill

They aren’t even the right size to be worth the fucking effort either

Marco almost gets eaten and is saved by Ax who papercuts the thing to death

Ax 1

Yeaaaah Ax vs Tyrannosaur should not end in victory for Ax

I flatout don’t belive this rediculousness and my suspension of disbelife died several chapters ago

Ax is fucking shook that worked

Ok good Ax was very very fucking lucky that worked and not gonna try that again

No, Ax, no that is not scientificly possible b/c theres no fucking dna in the fucking fossiles they are bone and other shit shaped rocks

When the fuck did Cassie get any survival skills? Did she decide to brush up after the Karen incident

Well we have ‘I will survive this with or without you’!Cassie today

Yall could actually morph Ax and have your own andalite tails. Or fucking morph hork-bajir

Rachel 3

Grass still doesnt exist yet

At no point did rachel think to escue some modesty and make wraps for her feet

Rachel suggests that Tobias morph human, even perminatly

He is very shit at morphing 

I guess he expects that he’s got days to live as a wounded bird over anything else he could fucking morph

Rachel refuses to fucking make it known that she’s suffering

In what fucking world does that description matach a triceratops

Also deinonychus, not around at the end of the cretaceous

Deinonychus is about almost 3 ft tall at hip and a ft longer than that

Naked ass ones at that

Them going after them at least makes sense

Cassie 3

Camping and eating tyrannosaur meat

Gonna sleep in shifts

People keep forgetting that they have hork-bajir morphs which are amazing and also that they could just aquire Ax

Tobias 3

Nothing about the majority of large dromaeosaurs suggests that they’re fast. The opposite actually. Ambush predators not chasers.

Tobias and Rachel split up

Tobias and the writers forgot about wing assisted incline running and the fact that raptors can fucking climb if the have to

Tobias drops on one and aquires it

Tobias 4?

This is going with the not-dynonicus being diurnal for some reason

Tobias lost control of the morph and will probably attack Rachel

Jake 3

The rock that was the final nail for the dinos is estableshed bvery firmly\

Stampede

And a nother tyrannosaur

Jake trips and falls when it matters most

Rachel 4

Tobias is really serious about not identifying as human

Rachel tries to reach him over smashing the lead raptor

Jake 4

Jake gets vored by the tyrannosaur whole even tho it was already eating bigger more interesting prey

Jake aquires the thing and starts morphing imediately

That tyrannosaur broke its fucking tail

Everyone aquires the injured dinosaur

Marco 3

Marcos not happy and everyone misses Rachel

More travel

Ax says the flash of light that started the stampede was artifical

Did Ax just say he can see ultraviolet and infrared

They find an alien city

Tobias 5

Tobias is bitching about Rachel still being mad that he gutted her

Neither of them are healing their injuries for no good reason

Ew, Tobias gross.

Rachel has a raptor morph now

Rachel isn’t a coherent person when hrungy and tired

Why are there coconut trees? They dont exist yet

Rachel eats a not coconut

No. That is not a fucking spinosaurus. Spino is fucking African and didn’t live at the same time as T.rex

Tobias metally calls Rachel stupid

Rachel 5

This is really fucking poorly reserched

And lo an alien:

And that's when I noticed the other creature step smoothly out from the

bushes.

It walked on two legs. It was rough-textured, like it had really chapped

skin. It was reddish in color. It had two big eyes and a small mouth,

all of the same reddish-rust hue. It stood about eight feet tall. It was

carrying a weapon.

The creature gazed curiously at us with what seemed to be eyes, although

they were mere indentations in its face. From its head a pair of

antennae, flexible as whips, grew and began waving toward us.

The alien calls dibs on the dinosaurs and speaks Fucking English

The nesk

The nesk is a pile of antlike creatures

Anmd really Rachel just fucking escalate things to outright violence

Cassie 4

Cassie suggests that they just go see who the aliens are

And that Jake stay behind b/c she doesnt want to loose more people

The alien city:

We flew toward the shining city in the valley. With osprey eyes I could see much more clearly. I saw buildings that rose in steep, smooth sweeps, like they'd grown from the bedrock. Windows were stuck in odd locations, some aiming out, others more like skylights. And there were fields planted with green and arranged in neat circles instead of rows.

The aliens themselves:

As we got closer, I could see creatures of some sort. They looked a little like large - very large - crabs. Only with shells in a wild array of colors, deep blue, spring green, orange. And while on one side there was something very much like a large pincer, on the other side there was a pair of hands.

Crab people

TRhe kids are attacked by naked pterosaurs

Tobias 6

Wow its almost like starting a fight with an unknown party can go wrong

The ship:

The ground beside me exploded, like it had been ripped by an invisible

plow. I jumped. Another plow mark just behind me! I saw movement. And

there, racing toward us across the plain, was a gleaming, silver craft.

Maybe twice the size of a Bug fighter, but shaped like an elongated

pyramid, long end forward.

The nesk herd Rachel and Tobias away from their claimed territory

Ah they’re falling over the cliff of the mercora city

Jake 5

Daring mid air antics and the team is reunited

Also a force field wich is smart\

Ax is tired of having to be the info guy

At least its not a killer forcefield like the kind that yeerks use

The mercora introduce themselves

Ax 2

Ax and his andalite bullshit

More of the mercora:

There were three of the creatures. They moved upon seven legs. Four on

one side, three on the other. To make matters worse, the four

legs were larger than the three. So they scuttled sideways in the

direction of the small legs.

They stood about half the height of a tall human, and seven or eight

feet wide.

On the side with the four big legs, there was a sort of three-way pincer

claw. It looked very powerful. It looked like the sort of thing I would

not want to have to fight against.

On the other side, the weak side, there were two arms similar to my own,

but even stronger than human arms. The arms ended in long, tapered,

delicate fingers.

There were a lot of eyes. They kept opening and shutting, one or two or

three at a time. They were each hidden beneath tiny trap doors in the

Mercora's exoskeleton or shell. Eyes were forever appearing and

disappearing. It was very, very distracting.

Which is a cool design

They talk in thought speak

Just b/c humans in the future don’t know about the mercora doesnt mean they left or were destroy you dumb fucks

Marco 4

The mercora healed Tobias, gave everyone food, a place to stay and even offered to make them soem clothes

The crabs wear clothing or at least make it

And they have force field furniture

Also that’s not how broccli works

Marco makes a vore joke about the mecora

Really Cassie?

The mercora are herbivores

All you have is the mecoras’ word on that and they are in direct conflict with the nesk 

And so what if they’re scavengers?

Very rarely but sometimes Cassie has a valid point

Ax 3

Ax is still kinda specist

Hmm I wonder why the mercora aprove? Its not like they can have an alterior motive here

And the mercora are going to help

Ax is very lonely in genera;

Cassie 5

The writers are fucking awesomebros

And they can’t control the morphs

Cassie gets wounded by a ceratopsian

Jake 6 

What? We were just with Cassie oh forget it

Jake is suicidally confidant that Cassie wouldn’t eat him

Apparently Jake is right

Cassie freaks out

Ax 3

Tobias keeps being wrong.

The nesk have thought speak detectors

Tobias 7

They group steal an explosive and destroy the nesk ships

Rachel 6

The nesk retaliate very effectively

Ax calls for back up 

TRachel throws herself around to draw away fire from the others

The mercora attempt a rescue and loose a ship

Culture:

The Mercora saucer picked us up, us and our little nuke. But they were a

grim, depressed bunch of aliens. It was hard to tell at first. But then

I noticed that each of them was minus one of their smaller legs. There

were just oozing stumps.

"What happened to your legs?" I asked. But even as the words were out of

my mouth, I saw the limbs in the corner. They were laid out on a

brightly colored cloth which was draped over a shelf. There was

something ceremonial about it. Almost religious.

<Can you explain the meaning of this?> Ax asked politely.

<We must make the sacrifice of pain. The legs will regenerate, but those

we honor will not,> the Mercora pilot said. <This is a symbol. It speaks

to our spirit's pain, by echoing it in physical pain.>

"They did this for the Mercora who were in the other ship?" Jake asked.

<For those who were in both ships,> the pilot said. <To be killed is a

sadness. To kill is a sin.>

Jake says the they owe the mercora for saving them

Fuck you Tobias

Tobias 8

Tobias this is premeditated murder

The nesk have decided to leave the earth

The mercora claim that the nesk altered the path of the meteor

They want to use the bomb to save themselves

Cassie 6

Fuck you Tobias

You need to be held accountable for this shit

Its almost like the vast majority of things to ever live never leave any fucking fossils you nit

This bastard is really trying to justify himself like this is anyway defensible

Fuck you Tobias, you get to join Cassie and Jake in the bin of fucking terrible people

Jake 7

Oh what you little bitch babies can’t handle the consequences?

Tobias deserves his unhappines and eventual death

Cassie 7

Cassie at least decides to bear witness to their crime

CVassie saw the time pass

No good reason given why they can’t retain those morphs

Tobias needs to pay for his shit