#this is purely a JOKE with almost certainly NO DEEPER MEANING AT ALL and i DO NOT NEED TO BE LOOKING INTO IT

[bonetrousledbones]

also some implications from this one that i honestly just think are very funny

possible takeaways:

papyrus's name isn't actually papyrus, people just call him that because he writes that way, meaning he has a totally separate name or no name at all

he's named after the plant/paper, not the font

he's never heard of the papyrus font before

[euthymiya]

[ ASKING PRICE — FT. KINICH ]

synopsis: kinich isn’t so happy that you spend time with ajaw. you’re more than willing to pay the price to make up for it

before you read: gender neutral reader ; established relationship ; slightly jealous kinich (of ajaw getting more attention) ; ajaw cameo! ; lots of kisses ;) (kinich not ajaw)

You laugh, and Kinich’s vein all but pops.

Normally, he’s agitated by Ajaw on most hours of most days. That much is a well known fact. But not today, though—because today, he’s absolutely infuriated. (And no, this is not on a limited, conditional, restricted, contractual, partial, temporary basis. This anger is very much here to stay and not go anywhere.)

You’re here to complete a commission with him, not spend your time giggling with a certain saurian. And your kindness is very much wasted going towards someone as pompous as Ajaw—still, there’s a part of him that admires it. Only you could manage to be kind to someone as difficult to get along with.

What he doesn’t admire, however, is that you happen to be the one person Ajaw also doesn’t mind being kind to. (Well, as kind as someone like Ajaw can get, that is.)

“—and when the Almighty Dragonlord, K'uhul Ajaw summons the howling winds, and sets the whole world ablaze, you can be the only survivor!”

It’s a grating voice, Kinich thinks distantly, rolling his eyes at the way you chuckle and give a grateful nod, entertaining the pure nonsense of a fool. Ajaw has approximately the same brain power as a dead saurian. That’s to say: none. How you manage to laugh at jokes made by such a simpleton is beyond the comprehension of someone like Kinich—but he supposes you’ve always been kind to a fault. A pity laugh certainly isn’t something you’re above, he supposes.

“Will I have the luxury of ruling by your side as your trusty sidekick?” You play along. It seems to please the dragon, earning a haughty laugh.

“I suppose you can have a small corner to call yours,” he agrees, “just make sure you push that slimy, slithering, miserly worm off a cliff and I’ll allow it.”

You glance over at Kinich as soon as the words are uttered by the obnoxious loud mouth beside you, and he can feel the last of his veins snap—that is, until you smile, giving him a playful wink.

“I’ll see what I can do,” you giggle.

“See?” Ajaw turns to look at him, making Kinich’s eye twitch ever so slightly. “You should be more like this one! The Almighty Dragonlord—h-huh? Hey!”

“Kinich!” You scold, watching as Ajaw cuts himself off with a scream, flying off into the distance from one irritated flick of Kinich’s fingers.

“What?” He huffs, crossing his arms as you throw your head back and laugh.

“You’re cute, you know. When you get like that.”

“Like what?” It comes out as a grumble. A rather petulant one, at that—he almost cringes hearing it in his own tone.

He knows what you mean, too. You know he does, so you reach over to ruffle his hair as his lips curl into a deeper frown. It’s not lost on you, however, that he almost seems to lean into your touch, almost seems to savor the feeling of your palm against his head.

“It’s cute when you’re jealous,” you tease. “Adorable, you know? Seeing you sulk is a bit rare.”

“I was not sulking,” he protests. That, of course, pulls a laugh out of you that makes him sulk even harder. “And I’m not jealous. Being jealous of Ajaw is absurd.”

“Oh but I think you were,” you nudge his shoulder, lips stretching into a knowing grin as he grunts. “Don’t worry, I’d never push you off a cliff.”

“That’s because you’d never manage to,” he shrugs. You give him a playful scowl as you huff, you don’t know that, under your breath. He fights back an amused smile, trying to keep his seriousness in tact. “Have you had enough fooling around? We have a commission to complete. You’re going to make me lose out on mora.”

“Is that so?” You say thoughtfully.

By now, Kinich knows that face. It’s not a very welcomed face, either—it means trouble for him. Some form of scheming on your end that almost always ends with you getting what you want, and almost always ends with him walking away as a loser of sorts. It’s his own fault, of course. Being powerless against your charms is a weakness he’s not entirely managed to overcome yet.

But he’s trying—and he’ll get it one day. He’s sure of it.

“I don’t like that face,” he says dryly, eyeing you cautiously.

“What face?” You gasp, mock innocence feigned even as the mischief creeps into your eyes. He can see it. Sense it. Feel it. Almost like he can tell a foe is coming even before they strike—it’s a practiced precision of sorts.

“That face you make when you’re up to something. I can tell you have something up your—”

You cut him off with a kiss to the corner of his mouth, making him go silent almost instantly. A small part of him can feel his cheeks burn, but the bigger part of him melts before he can even comprehend it.

“What if I paid you a better price,” you murmur, “and commissioned some of your time?”

A hand trails up his chest, rubbing slowly against the expanse of it over his shirt, stopping just over his heart. Evil, he wants to tell you, how evil you are to rest your palm right over his erratic heart.

Like you sense the pounding beat, you grin sweetly.

“You’ll need a better price than that,” he mumbles quietly when he finally finds his voice, clearing his throat subtly.

“Haggling over prices with me?” You pout. “Not even I can get a discount.”

“Of course not,” he says stubbornly. A strong arm wraps around you, pulling you against his sturdy chest as you bite back a grin. “I only accept offers with appropriate prices.”

“Fine,” you pretend to roll your eyes in defeat, leaning in to press a firm peck to his lips. “Will that cover it?”

“Not quite,” his arms tighten around you, pulling you closer. Impossibly closer. So close, you think his lips could knock into yours from a gentle breeze alone.

But he’s still. Patient. Painfully observant as his eyes stare into you and wait for what he wants—and, well, Kinich always gets his asking price. One way or another, he never walks away short of a single mora.

Or kiss.

So you lean in, pressing your mouth to his as your hands cup his face, tracing the skin above his cheekbone delicately as he sighs softly. His eyes flutter closed, and briefly, he thinks how nice it is when it’s just you. And him. And no Ajaw.

He should keep it like that more often.

He needs it, you think. Needs to feel you up close and personal, needs to know you’re here and staying, needs to know you’re his and only his.

He lets out a soft sound of protest when you finally break away, earning a quiet chuckle from you before you plant a sweet kiss to his jaw.

“How was that?” You whisper, kissing along his jawline, earning a small shiver of approval from him. “Was that payment enough?”

“I suppose for now,” he mumbles.

“Now you’re just being greedy,” you tease, grinning against his skin.

But you know as well as he does, you’re than happy to afford his prices. And then some, too. You’re as generous about spending as he is enthusiastic with taking.

“Or maybe you’re just being stingy,” he shoots back. With a fond shake of your head, your lips are back on his, cradling his face as he leans into you until he can’t tell where you start and where he ends.

It’s hard not to give into your charms, but he’s not so sure it’s a losing battle. It feels suspiciously close to a win, in fact—that is, if Ajaw stays far, far away. (And again, it would be nice if it was not on a limited, conditional, restricted, contractual, partial, temporary basis.)

He’s sooooo cute and his backstory literally haunts me I want to kiss him so bad you guys don’t get it. I was supposed to skip him but 173 wishes later I now have a c4 diluc and a c0r1 kinich 🥹

[salemwritesxx]

𝓲𝓷𝓮𝔁𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓭. | 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓽𝔀𝓸

𝔹 𝔸 𝕂 𝕌 𝔾 𝕆 𝕌  𝕂 𝔸 𝕋 𝕊 𝕌 𝕂 𝕀

     ⇴ male reader [22, virgin]      ⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+

↣ rating: explicit, 18+ ↣ warnings: over 5k words long, smut, Age Gap (12 years), older Bakugou (34), shy virgin reader, fluffy smut

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

“Mhmhm… Mh… Wait, Katsuki…san…”, you barely managed to mumble before breaking the kisses, both of you panting lightly.

“Huh?! I’ve waited too fucking long, [Your.name]!”, Bakugou growled while trying to pull you back down.

Though you managed to push him back a little before your boyfriend could aggressively kiss you once more.

“I know, just… let me take a shower first! I just came home from my 10 hour shift, threw my hero costume into the hallway and rushed over here.”

“Ughg, fine.”, Katsuki grumbled lightly, his hand that had held on to your shirt desperately, loosening.

A small smile flitted across your lips before you quickly smooched him.

“Thank you. Oh and- here.”, you pulled the two tickets you had talked about before out of your back pocket.

“Oh… right… You said you had tickets, hm?”

“Yup, a friend of mine works behind the scenes for the comedian we both really like. Remember? We talked about it?”, tilting your head lightly, your cute smile and shimmering eyes reminded Katsuki of an adorable little dog. The thought alone made him also smile a little – so innocent and cute.

“Yeah… On our first date. I can’t believe you remembered.”

“Of course! So, I used my connections to get us two tickets.”, you excitedly declared. It helped with the urge of not staring at your boyfriend who was still standing naked in front of you.

“So when are we going?”, Bakugou casually asked, looking at the two tickets to find a date.

“April next year! I am so exited already though.”, you giggled.

Meanwhile Bakugou’s heart was doing a flip in his chest. Next year in April meant that you were believing you and him would still be together by that time. Making plans so far ahead, how was he supposed not to get emotional and happy?

“Katsuki-sa- hm!”

Pulling you down again, he surprised you with yet another intimate kiss. Once again not knowing where to really put your hands, you awkwardly placed them on his lower back. Though feeling the bare skin under your fingertips was enough to send a strong jolt down south. Damn it, how were you going to survive actual sex?

“Go take a shower. And don’t let me wait too long.”, Bakugou finally said when he pulled back with a smirk on his lips that made your cheeks warm.

“Uh-huh!”, was your only dreamily sighed answer as you watched him for a moment, completely dazed. There he was, walking up the stairs so casually – butt-naked and making your dick hurt inside your jeans.

Thus, you literally sprinted into the bathroom to take the quickest shower while scrubbing yourself the cleanest you’ve ever been.

  Bakugou on the other hand couldn’t contain his grin when he stared at the tickets in his hands. He didn’t even know if you had realized the meaning behind those. Or maybe he was just overreacting seeing you plan ahead so much. It probably would have made him uncomfortable a few months ago, when he was freshly dating you, but now? Katsuki couldn’t stop his heart from beating so violently in his chest.

Walking over to the drawer, he prepared some things, like throwing the tube of lube onto the bed and rummaging through all the condoms that he hoarded. Without realizing it, his mind started wandering on its own. Not that anyone could really blame him. Bakugou had the desire to have sex with you for quite some time, so of course he had let his imagination take over. Wondering what you would look like without anything on. Since, to this day, you had been too shy to even undress in front of him.

Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t had any intimate contact with anyone ever since his last relationship ended four years ago. And suddenly, Bakugou’s heart hammered quickly for a different reason. It definitely had been a while since he had sex with anyone.

When Katsuki heard someone rushing up the stairs though, he quickly shook his head a bit, trying to get those thoughts out of his head.

“What am I fucking thinking? It’s just sex. No need to overthink this so much. God, I’m getting old.”

And then, you already came inside, a towel around your hips.

“Ah, good timing. So, do you think we need Large or Extra Large?”, Bakugou teased you, holding up two condoms. However, his teasing certainly flew over your head when your face displayed pure shock.

Only for you to turn around, wanting to flee again. Thankfully though, Bakugou reacted swiftly, grabbing your arm and turning you back around, just for your hands to cover your face.

“I will disappoint you, Katsuki-san!”

“Hey, that was just a joke, come on. You’re so fucking easy to scare.”, he chuckled and playfully rolled his eyes.

“Sorry…”, you mumbled shyly.

“Come here. Don’t think about it too hard. I ain’t grading you or anything, yeah? Just relax.”, and with that, he pulled you down for a kiss. His other hand sneaking to your hips and pulling on the towel. This time, you thankfully stayed calm as you let him push you back and onto the bed.

His muscular, broad body crawling on top of yours almost made you explode. This was really happening. How often had you imagined and dreamt about it? And now it was really going to happen.

“It’s just…”, you broke the kisses, your eyes already gleaming with lust, “I feel like I’m gonna explode any second, Katsuki-san. Just seeing you naked is enough to make me go crazy. To be honest… just thinking about you is enough to give me a boner. I feel so stupid!”

Bakugou was blushing a little, yet he was flattered. With his mind sometimes playing tricks on him and him fearing he was too old for you, knowing he had such an effect on you… was nice.

“That’s not stupid… You’re so cute.”, he whispered before leaning down again to kiss you.

“Touch me… You want to… no?”

“HMH!”, was the only thing you whimpered so desperately as Katsuki already grabbed your hand to place them onto his small, yet unbelievably strong body.

All it took was for Bakugou to scooch closer and lower his ass onto your hips for your cock to bounce and drops of precum to drip down. Your body visibly shuddering was honestly the best feeling, because your reactions were so cute and honest. Still so innocent to the touches. Katsuki loved that. He really felt incredibly desirable and wanted.

Your trembling hands were roaming his body, not sure what to do but you also didn’t want to stop. His muscles felt so nice underneath your palm. His skin was smooth and yet rough in some areas. Bakugou’s body was showing scars from previous battles, though it only made him so sexy and handsome it was almost too much for you.

At the end, you stopped when you grabbed his luscious thighs the moment he started to grind his cock against your own. An unstoppable moan escaped your throat instantly as you dug your nails into his skin whilst another violent jolt made your cock visibly throb.

Breaking away from your mouth eventually, Bakugou couldn’t help but smirk when he saw how red your lips already were from so much kissing. Leaning in, his swollen lips met your neck, softly nibbling and making you shudder once more. His smirk so prominent you could feel it on your skin.

“How do you feel, [Your.name]?”, Katsuki whispered in your ear, enjoying the soft moan and twitching of your body against his.

“Hot… It’s unfair you’re so… fucking sexy, Katsuki-san…”, you barely managed to choke out.

It only elicit a small chuckle from your boyfriend when he sat back up, his cheeks however having a small pink tint to them. You watched attentively as he reached to the side to grab the lube. Though before he could open the bottle, you stopped him.

“Wait, Katsuki-san, can… can I do it…?”, which definitely made your poor, shy heart beat ten times as fast as it was healthy.

“Haa… you sure?”, he reluctantly asked, one brow raised.

But you nodded and sat back up to wrap your arms around his hips while your noses almost touched.

“Mh. I want to make you feel good… and learn what you like…”, you sheepishly mumbled and then softly placed a kiss on the tip of his nose.

“Oh…”, Bakugou smirked before wrapping his arms around your neck to kiss you, then whisper against your lips, “Then don’t hold back… I’ll serve as your guinea pig.”

Smirking yourself, you returned the kisses a little deeper, trying to get out the last bit of confidence you had in yourself as you mumbled back, “Then I will put in all my effort so you just need to come back for another round of experimenting.”

And Katsuki certainly liked that you slowly seemed to warm up and not be as nervous as before. His responds a mere chuckle only to capture your lips again for a passionate kiss.

Meanwhile, with your heavily thumping heart, you clumsily opened the lube bottle to squirt some of the liquid onto your fingers before throwing it back onto the bed after closing. Pulling back from your boyfriend’s mouth, you just looked at him for a few seconds to try and get the courage to touch him… Something you had never done before. Touching someone in such an intimate place.

Though before you could chicken out again, you finally reached down and dipped your fingers between his cheeks, the little shudder from Bakugou immediately spurring you on. Hence why you gave yourself the push to play with his ass; circling his twitching hole and rubbing the lube around, just to see him shiver a little.

“Oi… don’t tease…”, Katsuki could also just choke out, before softly moaning a little when you worked your finger inside.

Just the feeling of his warm insides around your finger alone made your cock twitch, the urge to just plunge into him was almost unbearable. Your own breathing quickened as you pushed another finger in before starting to move them. His muscular body was now pressed against your own, your free hand groping his ass to spread him even more.

“Haha- Ah- I guess… you’re a natural…?”, Bakugou chuckled, trying to sound cool and seductive as he wanted to keep the mask of the older and more experienced one. However, when you pushed deeper and found that little spot that made him whine, it was all over for him.

While you had to seriously fight back the urge to just cum all over him because he was just way too fucking sexy and made you completely insane with how erotic he was, Bakugou just let loose and moaned freely.

“D-Do that… ah- gain…”

You truthfully couldn’t believe that was actually happening. Your head was spinning as you moved your fingers like before, rubbing against his sweet spot, trying to memorize what made him feel good.

“I-Is that okay… Katsuki-san?”, you were lightly gasping. He was truly taking your breath away – you didn’t even want to know what would happen if you would actually have sex, your dick was probably going to explode the second you would enter with how on edge you already were.

“Hmh- keep… going, okay?”, Katsuki was merely whining.

God, he sounded so differently, and it was so erotic and sexy. And it certainly didn’t help when he scooched even closer, his throbbing cock rubbing up against your own was almost enough for you.

“K-Katsuki-san, ahn don’t… do that…”, you helplessly moaned and buried your face in the nook of his neck, making him just chuckle.

“I don’t know what you- fuck-! even.. mea- NGH!”, clawing at your shoulder, he deliberately started moving his hips a little. Thrusting his throbbing dick against your own, smearing precum around while you kept fucking him with your fingers.

“K-Katsuki-san!”, all you could do was moan out his name, being the sensitive virgin you were, this was almost too much for you.

His nails were clawing at your shoulder while his hips were moving erratically, making it harder for you to thrust against his sweet spot, but Katsuki didn’t care. He was consumed by the pleasure as he rubbed his cock against yours.

“Oh- fuck- GOD- I’m.. ah clos- Katsu…san….”, you could barely choke out, being interrupted by your gasps and moans, but that certainly didn’t stop your lover from moving even more vigorously. Though reaching down was the straw that broke the camel’s back as feeling his hand engulfing your cocks and stroking them was the last touch you needed before cumming all over him and yourself.

With your free hand you clawed at his back as you moaned into the crook of his neck. Your erotic noises sending multiple chills down Bakugou’s spine as he held onto you as tightly as you held on to him; letting your hips ride out that orgasm.

When you finally raised your head, you were still gasping and your [eye.color] eyes still gleaming with lust (though also a little bit of embarrassment that you orgasmed so soon and couldn’t hold back). Bakugou, however, simply leaned in for another few kisses that you certainly appreciated.

“Mmm- sorry… Katsuki-san…”

“Oh shut up.”, he chuckled in between little gasps.

With cum dripping from his hand he then reached back to the night stand to grab the box of tissues, cleaning his hand as well as your own that you had pulled back from his ass. All while smirking a little since you looked so dazed from that orgasm and what had just happened.

Before he could say anything though, you had already wrapped your arms around him tightly, pressing his naked, warm body against your own. Bakugou’s own arms sneaking around your torso as well after he had thrown the tissue in the trash. For a few seconds, it was rather quiet, just the beating of your hearts audible, until you finally dropped the bomb.

“I love you, Katsuki-san.”, you whispered into the nook of his neck.

For a few moments he was just flabbergasted. While his mouth needed a few moments to speak his feelings out loud, his heart was already beating 10 miles per hour. It had been so long since someone had whispered those words to him. Someone who wasn’t just a big fan of him screaming whenever he was outside as a pro-hero, or his family. No… that was certainly a different love.

Leaning back a bit, he ‘forced’ you to look at him, even though he fully understood how embarrassed you were and also how on edge that he was just silent. Bakugou could almost see all the thoughts rushing through your pretty little head, but with just his rare, little smile, you were put at ease.

“I love you, too.”

And before you could react, he had already cupped your face and pulled you in for a kiss. A kiss that made your heart thump so much you thought you might die. You had never felt that happy before. Graduating from U.A.? Amazing accomplishment. Meeting Katsuki and being able to date him? A dream come true, indeed. But hearing your lover say those three words back to you for the first time was just… indescribable happiness rushing through your veins.

With a little bit of force, Bakugou managed to push you back onto the bed, both of you giggling while kissing. He was happy. You were happy. If time could just stop now.

But, it didn’t. Time went on and thus, you whispered in between kisses, “Just… give me 10 minutes… ‘nd I’m…. ready…mmkay?”

Breaking away fully, he leaned on his elbow as he looked at you, his ruby eyes gleaming with lust and a smirk on his lips.

“10 minutes, huh? You really are young.”

“Oh shut up.”, you giggled yourself, when just a second later realization sank in.

“No, wait! I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry!”, your cheeks were basically on fire. Being so rude to someone older was just… you had never done that.

Bakugou on the other hand though just stared at you for a few seconds, before leaning in once more for a kiss, surprising you. However, easing into the kiss quite quickly, your eyes fluttered open again when he sat back up a little. Just far away enough for just the tip of your noses to touch anymore.

“Don’t apologize… Fuck honorifics, okay? Fuck speaking keigo, just… talk to me normally.”

“A-are you sure, Katsuki-san? I mean… our age gap…….”, you gulped at the end, feeling uneasy.

“So? Zero fucks given. I hate honorifics. If you use keigo with me I feel so old…” he avoided eye contact for a moment, before looking back and tilting his head lightly.

“I just want to feel like your boyfriend, not your fucking boss or something…”

“Katsuki-sa- nh- I’ll try! I promise. It’s just really hard to let go, but… I… I want to call you nicknames, too!”, now you had to turn your head away because you were too embarrassed, “B-but maybe that’s a little inappropriate…”

“No…”, a small smile flitted across his lips, “I’d like that.”

And those simple words made your heart skip a beat.

Leaning in the last few inches, Bakugou kissed you on the mouth once more; the tip of his tongue gracing along your bottom lip until you opened them, allowing him inside. A sloppy, intimate kiss igniting again as he slightly changed positions so he was on top of you like before.

Feeling more confident though, you let your hands travel down his spine to his ass. Grabbing the firm skin and spreading his cheeks, you earned his little moan that made your heart jump in excitement. However, it only took a second before you also softly groaned into his mouth when he started grinding again.

With that, even though you had just orgasmed, it was certainly easy to rile you up again. Having the man of your dreams basically humping you was very effective indeed. And Bakugou seemed to notice how easily agitated you were, the smirk on his lips when he broke away was very prominent.

“Should I take it as a compliment that you’re already hard as a rock after just 5 minutes?”, Katsuki teased you, before lowering his head to pepper kisses onto your neck.

You just whimpered a little “Katsuki…” in embarrassment, only to thrust your hips against his as well. Taking him a little off-guard, his surprised grunt made you also grin a little.

“I-It’s not my fault… it’s just you… you’re so… incredible. I… I can’t help it…”, you had a hard time talking properly as Katsuki wasn’t stopping his movements, both of you desperately grinding against each other.

“Haha, I like that.”, Bakugou chuckled, his deep voice sending a chill down his spine.

Though, in the end, he decided to stop (hearing your little whine when he did that was very cute) and sit back up. Both of your cocks back to leaking and throbbing and this time, he stood up fully. Your glazed eyes following him when he walked over to the drawer from before to grab a condom, before bouncing back on top of you.

“You ready?”, he just whispered with that grin on his lips again that made your loins hurt with how erotic he was.

So all you could do was nod very enthusiastically that made Bakugou laugh a little.

With that, you watched attentively once more as he opened the condom; however a blissful hiss escaped your throat when he wrapped his hand around your dick to give it a few strokes. Hence why your head fell back into the pillow for a moment as you had to concentrate really hard to control yourself and not embarrass yourself by cumming again so soon. (Which was very hard because being a virgin and having this sexy man touch you was very effective in making you lose control very fast)

“[Your.name]…”, Katsuki had your full attention once more when he whispered your name like that, though when you looked up… Your cock visibly bounced in his hand as he was hovering right above it with his ass.

“Oh God…”, you grabbed his thighs as your breath hitched in your throat, watching as he lowered himself on top of you.

Clenching your teeth, the feeling of Bakugou’s ass spreading and engulfing your cockhead was almost too much. But it only intensified when his moaning self pushed down even further.

“K-Katsuki!”, was the only thing you could whimper as his hot, sticky insides swallowed more and more of your throbbing cock, almost pushing you over the edge with how tight he was.

Bakugou was just trying to control his moans as it had been so long since he last felt such a nice, thick dick inside his ass. His body trembled due to the full feeling as well as his insides fluttered excitingly; the urge to move overwhelming him.

Without really thinking about how close you possibly were, Katsuki started swaying his hips. First only lightly, but it only took a few moments before he started properly riding you. The moans that left your lips only spurring him on, especially when you locked eyes with him. Just the way you were melting and clawing at his thigh, while looking at him so intensely, it made Bakugou burn up even more.

“Ahnh. God- Katsuk- ah you’re so… amazing- I can’t-“, you chocked out in between heavy gasps and moans.

Katsuki really couldn’t comprehend how cute and innocent you were, being so completely mind-blown by him riding you hard. It made gross little butterflies fly uncontrollably inside his tummy – how he missed that feeling. As someone who never had a casual hook-up, finally being able to have sex again with someone he trusted and loved felt indescribable.

When he deliberately started tightening around you, the whiny moan that escaped your throat sent a chill up his spine.

“I’m gonna- if you… do that… agai-“, you so desperately choked out, being completely overwhelmed. And your boyfriend just chuckled and continued to tease you. Fuck. You had never felt so good. Your dick was throbbing and so rock-hard, you were barely able to hold yourself back from cumming again – and that in the first few minutes of Bakugou doing his magic.

Leaning down, Katsuki pressed his palms into the pillow beside your head while he pressed his lips on yours. Igniting a sloppy kiss, you both couldn’t control your lustful moans and grunts. Bakugou just knew what he was doing, how he had to angle himself so your cock penetrated his prostate and made him see little stars.

You were close. So unbeliavabel close. It was almost painful how hard you were and how much you needed the release. Thus, without thinking much about anything anymore (as he had officially blown your mind today and you weren’t able to think straight anymore) you just reached down to his own bouncing cock; wrapping your fingers around it, the throaty moan that left his lips only riling you up more. It also made you more confident in your action, thus you proceeded to also pump his cock while he was moving so passionately.

Spurred on by your own actions, Katsuki only teased you more. His insides fluttering around you and tightening, just to listen to your desperate moans. Feeling your nails drag across his back as he pushed you over the edge with his skillful moves. Your moans deep and so erotic that it made Bakugou shiver, though nothing compared to your spasming, trembling body underneath him.

You were both gasping for air and sweating. Though before you could even remotely start to calm down, Katsuki had already started swaying his hips lightly, making you jerk and moan in surprise.

“K-Katsuki-“, you choked out his name, [eye.color] eyes wide open.

But the way he looked at you, glistening lips slightly opened, his ruby eyes barely closed and drops of sweat running down his temple – so sexy.

“Just a little… Think you can… handle it?”, he crookedly grinned.

All you could do was nod and pull him down.

Lips colliding and tongues entwining, he openly moaned into your mouth when you started thrusting your hips. Using the last bit of your hard cock before going limp to make him get off while also stroking his dick.

Even though the friction was so overwhelming and your cock was so overstimulated by that point it almost made you lose your mind, you didn’t want to stop. And Bakugou didn’t want to either. His hips relentlessly grinding, your cock shoved in balls-deep and your hand stroking him was almost pushing him over the edge.

The good thing was, Katsuki was already so sensitive and riled up because it had been so long since he last had sex. He couldn’t even think about his own insecurities, like being too old or knowing you could see his wrinkles and scarred skin from work as a pro-hero; you made him feel safe and loved. Yet, Bakugou was so turned on. Even if you had been clumsy or shy, he was dripping precum all over the place. He was so wet. And the feeling of his ass being stuffed was just so nice.

“NGH- [Your.name]-!”, breaking the sloppy kisses, he threw his head to the side, gasping heavily.

You seriously couldn’t stop staring at him. Especially when it all broke down and he started moaning so lewdly. His cock started twitching in your hand before he came all over your hand and belly. His body was trembling, thighs shaking and you could watch and stroke him through the orgasm, earning his whiny groans.

After a few moments, Bakugou opened his ruby eyes once more, before leaning in and pecking your lips, whispering a soft, “I love you.” Which made your heart jump and your lips curve into a big smile as you smooched him over and over again, mumbling an “I love you, too.” back.

As you were laying there for a few minutes, you just shared little kisses, as if both of your lips weren’t already swollen and red from all the kissing prior, but you just couldn’t stop. He was so cute and sexy. Just- how was he seriously your boyfriend?

Though in the end, Katsuki did sit back up again.

“Shall we go clean this off, huh?”, he… almost bashfully, smirked and nodded to your hand. Hence you just chuckled and agreed.

And so, rather quickly, Bakugou got off of you, disposed of the condom and in the end, you rushed into the bathroom for a quick wash; nothing too long, really, because both of you wanted to get back into bed fairly swiftly again. Hence, it only took a few minutes before you and your boyfriend were in the sheets once more, cuddling this time.

“So… how did you feel…?”, you asked after a few moments. Rather quietly though and carefully, not knowing how to really initiate the conversation about ‘giving feedback’.

“It felt fucking nice.”, then he cuddled closer and turned your head towards him so you had to look at him, “You did good for your first time.”

Of course he had to tease you about it.

“Katsuki!”, you playfully kicked him.

“I mean it… I… want to make you feel good. Is there something you want me to do next time?”

When Bakugou realized you were so serious about it, he couldn’t help but smile a little.

“I mean it, too, ya know? I felt very good. And I, too, only want you to feel good when we do it. So we can both feel the fucking best!”, Bakugou then grinned, which thankfully made you giggle as well when you leaned in for another swift smooch.

“Also… don’t think about it too much, okay? This was your first time. You only get to be the best when you practice a lot.”, smirking seductively, he slipped his leg between your own and scooched as closely as he could against your body, “And I promise you I have never skipped practice once in my life. So I hope you’re fucking prepared for what’s to come.”

As you had to search for your heart that had dropped far beyond your stomach due to Katsuki’s advances, you could just gulp and nod. However, you also didn’t shy away anymore when you grab onto him as well. Which pleasantly surprised Bakugou, hence leaning in the last few inches for a smooch.

“Thank you…”, was the last thing you thought you would hear him mumble all of a sudden.

Bakugou realized your slightly confused look on your face, thus clarifying.

“Four years ago, my ex broke me so much I thought he had made me unable to like, let alone love anyone ever again.”

“Oh… I’m sorry about that, Katsuki.”, you whispered empathetically and your hand reaching out to softly caress his back. Which instantly made him smile a little, even though those were such painful memories.

“You know. I was done. I didn’t care about having a relationship anymore and so also basically giving up sex completely since I don’t wanna just randomly fuck with anyone. All the paparazzi just waiting for this moment? And the fear of meeting random strangers who then potentially blackmail me, it was just all too fucking risky. So four years ago it all just… broke apart. Everything. He betrayed me and hurt me so much.”

Katsuki then, however, sat back up a little so he could look at you, propping himself up on his elbow.

“So.. what I just want to say is. Thank you. For making me feel something again and… I ain’t used to this cheesy shit, but… For making me fall in love again. If you would have not been so persistent, I would have been still hurting and hating everyone and everything and just be a miserable ass, ya know?”, he said at last with a small smile on his lips as he reached for your hand to lace your fingers together.

“I am glad.”, smilling brightly, you leaned in for a kiss until you pushed him back into the pillow, making him chuckle.

After bottling up everything for the past weeks, he was relieved you both finally took the next step in your relationship. And hopefully, from now on, everything was going uphill. Though, to be honest, with him and you finally having started with having sex and generally experimenting sexually, Bakugou couldn’t wait for the next few weeks.

Because if he had learned anything in the past 15 years of dating, it was that, when you start to have sex, you will do it anywhere and anytime, all the time  – and he was ready, oh so ready for that stage of your relationship. Plus, judging by how you were already slightly grinding against him again, you probably were as excited as him for what’s to come.  

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

⇻ salem.talks: I tried really hard to have this ready for my birthday yesterday but this is one beast of a fucking second part I just couldn’t finish it in time. so… here is a treat for you and myself

[edenmemes]

skyward sword sentence starters

more to be added !

❝ you promised to meet me before it starts, remember? ❞ ❝ you seem pretty...relaxed about the whole thing. ❞ ❝ is something wrong? what’s the hurry? ❞ ❝ sometimes i just don’t know what’s going on in your head. ❞ ❝ i'm not like you. i fail at everything i try. ❞ ❝ a shrimpy boy like you hardly looks the part of a hero. ❞ ❝ swatting a few monsters will be no trouble for you. ❞ ❝ run and play this time. get in my way again, though, and you’re dead. ❞ ❝ don’t even pretend that was an accident! ❞ ❝ do you doubt these eyes? i look upon your shirt and i see a single thread loose on your sleeve stitching. ❞ ❝ this is no place for one such as you. and yet here you stand. ❞ ❝ i need to vent all this unhealthy anger,     and your agony is such a great stress reliever. ❞ ❝ remember what we discussed. restrain yourself. focus on the task at hand. ❞ ❝ do my words anger you? do my words sting? let them. ❞ ❝ you don’t come by here just to see me, do you? ❞ ❝ what’s wrong? you just made a face like you wanted to say something. ❞ ❝ oh, i get it. you’re trying to weasel out of having to practice. ❞ ❝ i guess it’s not all bad. at least i’m getting paid. ❞ ❝ there’s something i’ve been meaning to talk to you about.... ❞ ❝ would you wake up, straighten up, and grow a backbone already? ❞ ❝ nice try, but you’re not fooling me. ❞ ❝ i...i have to go. i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ folks were always cheering me on like it was a parade. but as you know, time passes. ❞ ❝ you keep some very strange company, friend. ❞ ❝ i don’t know if it’s safe yet...i’m going to stay here awhile longer. ❞ ❝ oh no. you’ve done it now! there’s no escaping this one! ❞ ❝ so, what now? are you going to cry? ❞ ❝ i can’t begin to tell you how sorry i am for pulling you into all of this. ❞ ❝ what is wrong with you? just look at what you’ve done! ❞ ❝ what we’ve seen here today defies explanation. ❞ ❝ you put up more of a fight than i would have thought possible out of such a soft person. ❞ ❝ did you really just draw your sword? foolish. ❞ ❝ should you heed the call of destiny,     i don’t know what dangers you may have to face. ❞ ❝ i can’t help being such a coward...i’m really sorry. ❞ ❝ i fear i spent far too long teasing and toying with you. ❞ ❝ you do your people proud. ❞ ❝ how long do we have to live in constant fear? ❞ ❝ i'll just beat you within an inch of your life! ❞ ❝ dawn is drawing near. it has been a long night for the both of us, hasn’t it? ❞ ❝ you were limp and unconscious. i feared the worst. ❞ ❝ what do you think you’re doing sneaking out with that? ❞ ❝ such a beautiful day, but we’re too busy to enjoy it. some things never change. ❞ ❝ i guess you’ll never learn unless you run into trouble one day. ❞ ❝ look at my face. if that’s your idea of a joke, i’m not laughing. ❞ ❝ you appeared to be relishing that snooze, so i declined to wake you. ❞ ❝ huh? oh, uh, nothing. really, i was, uh...talking to myself. ❞ ❝ you’re looking a little pale... ❞ ❝ i imagine you and i will cross paths again. until then, do not lower your guard. ❞ ❝ you certainly are persistent... ❞ ❝ all that may be well intentioned and true, but it doesn’t mean it’s right. ❞ ❝ i’m prepared to pay the price for what i’ve done. ❞ ❝ i had no idea we were fated to carry such a heavy destiny. ❞ ❝ i need your strength to tip the scales in our favor. ❞ ❝ all this training, and no results! ❞ ❝ all i’ve hears so far is a bunch of babbling about destiny,     but that’s a load of garbage. ❞ ❝ when night draws her tenebrous curtain across the sky, i come here. ❞ ❝ what in the world just happened? did you use some kind of magic? ❞ ❝ please, see it through and prove the legends true. ❞ ❝ i was happy just spending my days hanging around with you. i wanted that feeling to last forever. ❞ ❝ you are vital to a mission of great importance. ❞ ❝ the chances of that happening are just about less than zero. ❞ ❝ i hate to break it to you, but today’s the day i bust up this adorable little fantasyland you’re living in. ❞ ❝ this is a war, and the fate of the land hangs in the balance. ❞ ❝ i know you, and you’re no hero. ❞ ❝ you’re messing with me. say it again, i dare you. ❞ ❝ you float through life with your head in the clouds. ❞ ❝ i don’t do charity for wimps. ❞ ❝ what’s this...? what is it that my eyes behold? ❞ ❝ don’t even think about it! are we clear? ❞ ❝ the point is your work here is done. i got it covered from here. ❞ ❝ my eyes foresee a hazardous, thorny road ahead for you... ❞ ❝ you...this is your fault, you know. ❞ ❝ my heart is bursting with thoughts of you. ❞ ❝ i have a serious dilemma on my mind right now, and you’re distracting me. ❞ ❝ i’ll make you proud. you’ll see! ❞ ❝ feels dangerous. something could jump out at us at any moment. ❞ ❝ we’re talking about a tale that’s been passed down over a lot of years, so i wouldn’t put much stock in it. ❞ ❝ i have the right to experience an unfettered and passionate love, don’t i? ❞ ❝ i’ll tell you, it gives even a big guy like me the creeps. ❞ ❝ oh...how can i get you to notice me? ❞ ❝ i get the feeling nothing i can say will talk you out of it. ❞ ❝ my love for you is wider than the horizon and deeper than the clouds. ❞ ❝ trust my piercing eyes...listen to my pure and innocent voice. ❞ ❝ i feel so excited, so cheerful, so full of life. ❞ ❝ i sense a silent power dwelling somewhere in your frame. ❞ ❝ this turn of events has left me with a strong appetite for bloodshed. ❞ ❝ there’s no doubting it. the gears of fate have begun to turn. ❞ ❝ i'm sorry. i was lost in thought there for a moment. ❞ ❝ don’t men open doors for a lady anymore? how long am i supposed to stand here waiting for a little chivalry? ❞ ❝ i hate even saying this, but i guess you got it all figured out. ❞ ❝ you must not push yourself. you’re still recovering. ❞ ❝ you think you’re pretty suave, don’t you? ❞ ❝ i know you’re in a hurry, so i really appreciate you taking the time to help. ❞ ❝ i saw it, but i was able to escape by the seat of my pants. ❞ ❝ do you have any idea how that made me feel inside? furious! outraged! sick with anger! ❞ ❝ you’re really something else. i could never imagine myself doing what you’re about to do. ❞ ❝ i must aid you in fulfilling the great destiny that is your burden to carry. ❞ ❝ i should have believed you...i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ lately, when i think about you, my head gets all fuzzy, my heart races, i get short of breath, and i feel all dizzy... ❞ ❝ you should know better than that to fret about me. ❞ ❝ thanks for jumping in there to rescue me. ❞ ❝ hey, hold on there! what are you trying to pull all of a sudden? ❞ ❝ your face cries out in earnest wonder, and that cry is: ‘what’s this?!’ ❞ ❝ i promise up front not to murder you. ❞ ❝ you...didn’t hear any of that, did you? there’s no way you heard, right? ❞ ❝ i tell you, all sorts of weird things are going on lately. ❞ ❝ calamitous visions appear before me... ❞ ❝ you...make me so happy...i think i’m going to keel over... ❞ ❝ i wanted you to be the first to see me like this. ❞ ❝ i can’t imagine a more fitting color for you. it’s as though you were born to wear it. ❞ ❝ i bet you can’t even decide what to have for lunch on your own, huh? ❞ ❝ amazing, right? wrong! it is beyond amazing! ❞ ❝ it can’t be easy for you, can it? ❞ ❝ you’ll see in time that you have your own role to play in all this. ❞ ❝ trust in fate to guide your feet. ❞ ❝ i bet you’re here just to check me out, right? ❞ ❝ i just hope nothing has happened. i’m worried sick thinking about it. ❞ ❝ whoa...you’re kind of imploding my mind right now. ❞ ❝ if you wanna live again one day, you should head for home. ❞ ❝ you have a great journey before you, and those clothes...they don’t look up to the task. ❞ ❝ did you manage to get even a wink of sleep last night? ❞ ❝ ever heard of banging your knuckles against the door? it’s called knocking. ❞ ❝ so, uh...yeah. just how long have you been standing there? ❞ ❝ honestly, it’s almost as though you become a completely different person when you worry about me. ❞ ❝ you showing up here must mean we’re connected somehow. like fate. ❞ ❝ sorry to put you through that. i guess i owe you one now. ❞ ❝ to tell you the truth, i’m feeling a little frustrated, and right now i just need someone to vent to. ❞ ❝ what’s with you? leave me alone if you don’t want anything. ❞ ❝ hearing that is such a...huge weight off my mind. ❞ ❝ though your journey will put you in harms way, you must endure. ❞ ❝ i'm just deadweight. what kinda use is that to anyone... ❞ ❝ seriously, what is that thing over there?! ❞ ❝ before i say another word, i feel like i owe you an apology. ❞ ❝ during your long journey, you’ve grown so much. ❞ ❝ from the moment i laid my eyes on you, i could tell you had a gentle and generous heart. ❞ ❝ oh dear...i don’t know what’s come over me all of a sudden... ❞ ❝ you don’t appear to have any serious injuries. for that much we can be grateful. ❞ ❝ i can see into those dopey eyes of yours. ❞ ❝ i can finally smile and laugh again! thank you ever so much. ❞ ❝ i think i might of broke something. ❞ ❝ is that it? i thought it was going to put up more of a fight. ❞ ❝ i thought we were goners this time. sort of glad i was wrong about that. ❞ ❝ what? i don’t seem like my usual self? ❞ ❝ this place needs a name. a name fitting for this rugged, adventurous wilderness. ❞ ❝ what were you thinking? you scared a year off my life! ❞ ❝ care to explain just what you meant by ‘our special moment alone’? ❞ ❝ my advice? work hard and wish with all your heart. ❞ ❝ say, you look all flustered. ❞ ❝ i fear we can’t dwell on our success. ❞ ❝ the world is bursting with undiscovered surprises, isn’t it? ❞ ❝ you're not exactly mr/mrs.perfect either, are you? ❞ ❝ this is easily as scary as i thought it would be. ❞ ❝ i swear this neighborhood’s getting crummier every day. ❞ ❝ you ain’t as dumb as you look. ❞ ❝ i was going to ask if you wanted me to take care of you forever... ❞ ❝ i need to learn how to keep these delirious dreams in check. ❞ ❝ maybe you should forget about everything that happened here tonight. ❞ ❝ can you imagine a more gruesome fate? ❞ ❝ there are more monsters about than before, so be careful. ❞ ❝ human desire is an insatiable, fearsome thing. ❞ ❝ i sense an evil presence on the other side of this door. ❞ ❝ you understand, don’t you? i’m not wrong about this, am i? ❞ ❝ i never wanted to lay eyes on you again. ❞ ❝ i would have gotten discouraged if you hadn’t come by to cheer me on. you gave me motivation. ❞ ❝ who do you think you are, getting involved in my business like that? ❞ ❝ i just wish there was more i could do for you... ❞ ❝ i don’t even understand how you could make such a wild accusation! ❞ ❝ it was at that moment i finally realized. i realized that...i love you. ❞ ❝ make sure you come home every now and then. nothing like a good sleep in your own bed. ❞ ❝ you’d better not keep me waiting. ❞ ❝ make sure you put your heart into it! i won’t stand for anything but your best. ❞ ❝ how could you be swayed by the temptation of material gain?     do you have no honor? ❞ ❝ you really want to hear about all my troubles? that’s kind of you. ❞ ❝ you...weren’t supposed to see that whole spectacle. how embarrassing... ❞ ❝ you have only succeeded in buying us a little more time. ❞ ❝ watch it! that’s no way to talk to someone who just saved your life! ❞ ❝ you look like you need to get something off your chest. ❞ ❝ know that all the questions you have now will be answered in time. ❞ ❝ there is nothing natural about these tremors. ❞ ❝ you might just be the person i need! you seem pretty good with the ladies. ❞ ❝ it’s great to hear you’re so confident in me. ❞ ❝ ideal love is unfettered and passionate. anything less than that can’t really be called love at all. ❞ ❝ you're incessant buzzing around my head like some irksome gadfly when i’m this busy is...making me very disagreeable. ❞ ❝ you may not have noticed, but i’m trying to hide here.     could you please scoot along? ❞ ❝ you'd better keep your eyes to yourself, if you know what i mean. ❞ ❝ have you come to laugh at me in my miserable state? ❞ ❝ you...you came to see me! i’m so happy. ❞ ❝ your job is simple! you make sure none of these monsters lays a claw on me. not...one...claw. ❞ ❝ now is not the time to be picky about who will help you. ❞ ❝ watch carefully while i demonstrate what a real hero looks like. ❞ ❝ you are something else! there is nothing you cannot do. ❞ ❝ if you think about how often we meet, you have to admit that our relationship has gone beyond friendship, you know? ❞ ❝ i’ll make the affair so excruciating, you’ll deafen yourself with the shrill sound of your own screams. ❞ ❝ i was right, then. there is something special about you. ❞ ❝ i should have reprimanded you the last time we met, but instead i was...soft. ❞ ❝ ha-ha! you didn’t see that coming, did you? ❞ ❝ you really are a snake in the grass. ❞ ❝ you are indeed worthy of being called a hero. ❞ ❝ i’m not used to getting stared at like this. it’s making me blush. ❞ ❝ i can’t hide anything from you, can i? ❞ ❝ the longer i train, the more i realize i’ll never measure up to you. ❞ ❝ whoa...you took out every last one of them. ❞ ❝ i know how bad this must look to you right now, but i assure you i mean no harm. ❞ ❝ it’s all very strange, but i doubt there’s much of a connection between these things. ❞ ❝ you're a weird one, climbing all the way up here. ❞ ❝ don’t cry --- it’s perfectly, mostly safe! ❞ ❝ you and i, we’re bound by that thread of fate. destined to fight. ❞ ❝ meet me in battle, and the thread of fate that binds us will be soaked crimson with your blood. ❞ ❝ i do not wish to dwell on what may have happened if you hadn’t been here. ❞ ❝ you have awakened a wrath that will burn for eons! ❞ ❝ you really like those fantasy stories, eh? ❞ ❝ there is one teensy, tiny thing i lack...namely, mercy. ❞ ❝ i must warn you, i won’t go easy on you this time. ❞ ❝ i might be willing to forgive and forget if you’ll strike a deal. ❞ ❝ since i know i can be honest with you, i’ll admit i got a little sulky. it was frowns all around. ❞ ❝ i see you’re still among the living. ❞ ❝ i saw them dragging you off unconscious, so i tailed them. ❞ ❝ i want you to visit me at my house tonight. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to say a word. i can see how you feel by the spark in your eye. ❞ ❝ you’ll see. i’ll be as tough as you in no time. ❞ ❝ it’s not like ‘oh, hey, that person’s back! i’m so happy!’ or anything like that... ❞ ❝ whoa...that’s some really terrible handwriting. ❞ ❝ i would very much like it if you would go out with me. ❞ ❝ truly? you choose me? ❞ ❝ i swear to you, whatever it takes, i will drag you into an eternity of torment. ❞ ❝ you and i, we’re bound by a thread of fate. ❞ ❝ i’ll watch over you, protecting you from afar. ❞ ❝ until then, we’ll keep our love secret. ❞ ❝ this news has just filled my heart with rainbows! ❞ ❝ this place seems strangely familiar... ❞ ❝ don’t you gotta take care of your own business first? ❞ ❝ they’re not going to do anything nice if they catch you. ❞ ❝ it’s not humane to tease someone this bored. ❞ ❝ i’m not some sideshow for you to gawk at. ❞ ❝ it’s weird to say out loud, but that’s just how i feel right now. ❞ ❝ you can’t break me with interrogation. you’ll never make me talk. ❞ ❝ word is there’s a huge treasure hidden in these here ruins... ❞ ❝ what? that’s not weird to say! ❞ ❝ ...i understand your true feelings. better than you know. ❞ ❝ all the fairytales that we heard growing up...they appear all too real. ❞ ❝ do i look sad? no, i’m doing what i want to do! ❞ ❝ i don’t know what came over me! i had no clue i had the talent to make something like this. ❞ ❝ you shouldn’t be out here in the open with no way to defend yourself. ❞ ❝ you do have the tendency to cause trouble for those you ‘help’. ❞ ❝ as far as i’m concerned, i got nothing but time. ❞ ❝ don’t you play coy with me. i know that you know, so why not let me in on the fun? ❞ ❝ so you really think a sob story like that is going to work on me? what a joke. ❞ ❝ i’d take pleasure in punishing you, but i have no time for recreation. ❞ ❝ sorry to leave you on your own, but you look like you can handle it. ❞ ❝ remember --- it’s a secret to everybody. ❞ ❝ it isn’t as action packed as what you’re doing, but maybe this is my destiny. ❞ ❝ don’t you just love the way it smells down here? ❞ ❝ defending the land...it’s my purpose, i think. it’s why i’m here. ❞ ❝ what do i know...you might just surprise me. ❞ ❝ fibber! you’re a fibbity fibber! ❞ ❝ you needn’t even say it. i can tell from the look of sheer astonishment on your face. ❞ ❝ you have had this destiny thrust upon you without warning...    or choice, for that matter. ❞ ❝ don’t do anything heroic and get yourself caught. ❞ ❝ ...you want to tell me but you can’t? ❞ ❝ you know, i really worry about you. it’s a weakness of mine. ❞ ❝ try not to get in the way of my shots, ok? ❞ ❝ i haven’t slept a wink in...ahhh...i don’t even know how long. ❞ ❝ i had my suspicions, but until now i wasn’t sure. ❞ ❝ you seem a good deal stronger than the last time we met. ❞ ❝ i would be remiss if i didn’t let you know of the weight on my heart. ❞ ❝ i have a reputation to protect, you know. ❞ ❝ listen closely. do you hear that? ❞

[tulsa-trash]

We Belong Together

Request: Can you do one where Johnny is cuddling with y/n and they ask what he sees in them, then he tells them how much he loves them?

WARNING(S): Mentions of abuse It was a cool summer night, and by far one of the best nights you've had in a long time. The lighting in your bedroom was dim, you had your window cracked open to let in a small breeze. The temperature earlier that day was excruciatingly hot, but now that the sun was down it was perfect. The record player on your nightstand was playing "We Belong Together" by Richie Valens. You and your best friend Johnny were huge fans of the singer, so you figured it was appropriate you play one of his records while John was over.

You're mine And we belong together You were laying in your bed with Johnny's sleeping figure on top of you, he was in between your legs with his arms wrapped around your torso. You softly hummed along to the lyrics while your fingers raked through his raven locks, a permanent blush tainted your cheeks due to how close the both of you were in the moment. His warm cheek was pressed against your collar bone as small snores escaped past his lips, he looked relaxed for once. You had known Johnny for quite a while, and you've cuddled with him multiple times before, but tonight just felt different.

Yes, we belong together For eternity You couldn't help but feel guilty for having such a good time, because the whole reason the boy was in your bed was because things got really bad at home again. Usually he goes to the lot or to the Curtis house at times like these, but this was the first time he ever showed up at your house in the middle of the night. You weren't clueless about the abuse he faced at home, if anything you spent most of your time worrying about him whenever he wasn't around. Thoughts of Johnny clouded your mind more often than you'd like to admit, which almost felt wrong because you knew that "normal" friends don't constantly think about how handsome their other friends are. The feelings you had for him were more, you finally came to terms with that, but the last thing you wanted to do was spring something like that on him while he was sobbing in your arms. Needless to say, waking up to see his broken expression staring back at you through your window ripped your heart into shreds.

You're mine Your lips belong to me You closed your eyes and breathed in deeply, savoring the moment as much as humanly possible. If only the both of you could just stay here locked away in your room forever. "Yes, they belong to only me." You sang quietly, one of your hands moved down from his hair to his back to rub his shoulders. "For eternity." A low groan erupted from the sleeping boy as he began to stir in his sleep. You immediately removed your hands from him and laid them by your sides awkwardly, afraid you had made him feel uncomfortable. "Mmm..." Johnny hummed He lazily lifted his head from your chest to look up at you. A smile tugged at your lips upon the sight of his messy hair and half-asleep state. He was an angel. "Why'd you stop?" He asked, his voice sounding foreign to you. It was deeper and scratchier than usual, it sent shivers down your spine. "S-Stop what?" "You was rubbin' my head." He grumbled before burying his face in your neck. "It felt nice." "Oh." Your hands shakily returned to massage his scalp, Johnny let out a content sigh. The feeling of his breath fanning your neck sent goosebumps flooding over your skin. You're my, my baby And you'll al-al-always be "I'm sorry if my god awful singin' in your ear woke you up." You joked. Johnny let out a breathy laugh, "You didn't wake me, doll." Doll, such a simple nickname yet you yearned for it to have a significant meaning behind it. "Okay." You whispered. I swear by everything I own You'll always, always be mine 'Oh if only it were that easy, Richie.' You thought to yourself. "You okay?" "Hm?" "You alright?" He asked you again. You laughed, "I think I'm the one thats supposed to be askin' you that. Don't worry about me, John. You got enough stress as it is." His arms untangled themselves from around you and moved underneath your pillow, it felt like he was cradling your head in his hands. You were now running your fingertips up and down his back, lightly dragging your nails every now and then. "I always worry about you." He admitted. Your heart was doing summersaults in your chest at this point. Why was every little gesture-- every word affecting you as much as it did? He wasn't making this easy at all. You mentally cursed at yourself as tears began to prick your eyes, you hastily blinked them away.

You're mine And we belong together "Johnny." "Yeah?" "What... What do you see in me?" You regretted your words as soon as they left your mouth. Your hands unintentionally stopped running along his back and you could've sworn you felt him tense up. The both of you silently embraced each other while your question hung heavy in the air. As more seconds passed your anxiety sky rocketed, all you could think about was the possibility that you just ruined your relationship with your best friend. You cleared your throat nervously, "Uh, never mind. Forget I said anything." "Well... I see a good friend." He finally answered. Your heart dropped into your ass at his statement. Jesus christ, the friend zone-- "I care about you a lot." He continued. "You've done a lot for me and you're one of the best people... if not the best person in my life." Yes, we belong together For eternity The song ended, now the room was really quiet. Once he realized you weren't saying anything he propped himself up to look at you. He could immediately tell by the look on your face that something was bothering you. "Hey..." He was fully sat up in between your legs now, "Whats the matter?" By now you were even more upset due to him pulling away, you just wanted to hold him a little bit longer before he went away. You hated yourself for even saying anything. Your brain wracked for any excuse you could use but it was no use, it was too late to take it back and you couldn't lie to him. "I love you." You admitted. His eyes softened as he looked down at you, you looked absolutely horrified. Before he could even respond you spoke again. "I don't mean as friends either..." Your eyes averted his gaze. "It's okay if you don't feel the same, I won't be weird about it or anythin'." He shook his head and snickered, "You didn't even let me answer you, honey." "Honey?" "Y/N." He smirked at you, making you roll your eyes. He was definitely getting a kick out of your embarrassment, yet you almost don't even mind because it seemed to be cheering him up. "I love you too." Your eyes widened in pure shock, you could've sworn your ears were playing tricks on you. "I love you." He continued. "You are my best friend, you make me happy, and I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you in my life." You didn't even notice you started crying until he swiped under your eyes with the pad of his thumbs. "Are you sure you're not just sayin' that cuz you feel bad?" You sniffled. "Oh stop it." He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the corner of your mouth, you were still so shocked you couldn't even reciprocate the kiss. He laid back down, only this time he was on the side of you and he pulled you against him so that he was spooning you. You felt him place another kiss on the back of your head. "I love you." He told you again. "I love you too." You murmured in disbelief. He paused for a moment, as if he was debating the next thing he was going to say. If you didn't know any better you would think he fell asleep, but you could tell he was awake just by his breathing. "You're my girl, right?" His voice was so small you almost didn't hear him. Butterflies were in an absolute frenzy in your stomach. If this was a dream, you certainly wouldn't mind if you never woke up. The feeling of Johnny's finger rubbing soothing circles on your hip reminded you that this was in fact real. "Of course."

[hamliet]

Ahhh well, I have written much on Romeo and Juliet before, because it's one of my favorite works of Shakespeare and of literature itself. It is criminally underrated and scorned because of sexist anti-romance sentiment. So uh, yeah, I'm more of your opinion.

To start with, I wrote this here, and highly recommend this old post by someone else as well. It's quite comprehensive.

But, because I love Romeo and Juliet and the more I learn about it, the more impressed I am with the absolute art of the story Shakespeare told, I have more to say. Essentially:

Juliet is one of the most astounding female characters in all of literature, and most of her brilliance has been lost with the loss of Shakespearean context. You see, Juliet was a deliberate deconstruction of the idealized, virginal, holy creature of Woman. Yes, that's how the medieval poets like Petrarch (the inventor of the sonnet, which Shakespeare adapted and wrote his own versions of in Romeo and Juliet and hundreds more on their own) and even Dante Alighieri (yes, that Dante, the Inferno guy) wrote their women. For Petrarch, Laura (whom he like, never talked to) was the object of all his love poetry. For Dante, Beatrice was written as his spiritual guide into Paradise in Paradiso.

Not to simplify their love for these women, but Shakespeare was essentially like "RIP but I'm different." He wrote Juliet as a human character with flaws (hardly a spiritual guide) who was not this virginal, holy creature. She starts off the play extremely obedient to her family and polite, almost like that ideal, but as the play goes on she begins to let her fire grow.

Romeo's poems for Rosaline are deliberately trite and parody Petrarch's sonnets, as well as other sonnets from the day (for example, Rosaline is literally sworn to chastity forever, which wasn’t even the case for Laura or Beatrice). While the fact that Romeo can switch loves from Rosaline to Juliet so quickly does indeed emphasize his flaw (impulsivity and deep passion), it also thereby emphasizes his humanity, because the unique imagery Romeo uses with Juliet show that he is really in love with her as she is--not as an idea like with Rosaline, but as a human being. As with many of Shakespeare's other renowned plays' characters, Romeo's flaws are also his strengths. He's complex--human.

So what am I going on about? Why did Shakespeare write Romeo and Juliet this way?

To emphasize their humanity. Which is interesting, because Romeo and Juliet's first meeting, the one where they both create a sonnet together, is all about idolatry:

Romeo If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this. My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss. Juliet Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, Which mannerly devotion shows in this; For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss. Romeo Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too? Juliet Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer. Romeo O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; They pray, grant thou lest faith turn to despair. Juliet Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake. Romeo Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. [He kisses her]

He describes her as a holy shrine and a saint, but the more their romance goes on, the more human she becomes. He kisses her right away. When they meet in the balcony scene, Juliet herself tells Romeo that the only thing she wants him to swear by--no gods or moons--is himself. In other words, Romeo and Juliet can be seen as a deeply humanistic play. 

Also, the more their romance continues, the more human they become and yet the deeper their love becomes. As one of the posts I linked above states, Romeo loves Juliet more after they’ve had sex, not less. Juliet loves Romeo more despite the fact that she knows he killed her cousin--and she is not happy with him for that, either. The more they learn of each other, the more they love each other. 

Oh, and about the extra gross modern take that "it's actually a story about a 13 year old and a much older man"--that is complete bogus, as the above post says. Romeo is almost certainly 15 or 16. While people can be squicked out by it (as it was designed to do with some Italian stereotypes), to say it shows anything creepy is basically literary blasphemy and betrays an utter lack of reading comprehension. 

Juliet sets the parameters in their relationship: she tells him if he really loves her, he has to marry her before she will sleep with him, and Romeo does. She muses herself how much she wants to sleep with him in a way that clearly expresses Juliet’s very human desires. Juliet is going to assert who she is and go after what she wants. 

So to go back to your question, it’s not just about their families, but about society as well, as Prince Escalus says in the final scene:

Capulet! Montague! See what a scourge is laid upon your hate, That heaven finds means to kill your joys with love. And I for winking at your discords too Have lost a brace of kinsmen. All are punish’d.

Everyone is punished for participating in the feud, which, keep in mind, we were introduced to via an intro fight scene between the servants of the respective families joking about raping the women in the opposing family. Yes, really. It’s almost like toxic masculinity was being called out before its time. 

Society is extremely sexist, as we see when Juliet’s father essentially sells her to Paris for the sake of having political clout to win the feud (literally, as Paris is the Prince’s kinsman) and threatens to send her on the streets to prostitute herself if she wants to survive for asking him not to make her marry Paris. But the cat’s out of that bag: Juliet is not going back to being the docile, obedient idol. She’s decisive. She wants to write her own story, and if that makes her a sinner, well then, she’ll go to hell. In the end, when the Friar suggests that Juliet come with him so that he can hide her away in some convent (after Romeo’s death), Juliet refuses and kills herself. She is not going back to being a figure shrouded in some kind of ethereal, unknown glow. She is a person, and people die. But she shouldn’t have had to die for people to see her as a person. 

There’s also another layer here: the imagery Romeo uses for Juliet (the sun) and that Juliet uses for Romeo (the moon) is the inverse of how imagery was typically presented in those days. The moon was feminine; the sun, masculine. Even if we look at Romeo and Juliet’s respective character traits, Romeo is the flighty, impulsive, love-struck one who cries all the time, while Juliet is the decisive, bold, and loyal one. That’s the first thing Juliet declares to Romeo in the balcony scene: that she will always be loyal, and she shows this in every choice she makes in the story.

In other words, Shakespeare was deliberately playing with gender and its stereotypes in the play, which gains an even more interesting layer to it when you consider that Shakespeare was himself almost certainly bisexual (his sonnets are preeeetty explicit). It’s not a patriarchal narrative; it can well be seen as a queer narrative in a patriarchal society. And it shouldn’t take two kids having to kill themselves to get society to realize how effed up it is. It isn’t an out-of-touch play, but instead one extremely relevant to our society 500+ years later. 

But, Romeo and Juliet’s story is also one of hope. Because instead of no one listening, finally, Montague and Capulet realize how wrong they’ve been. They grieve together, and Capulet vows to let Romeo remain in his family’s tomb, by Juliet’s side (also different, you know, that the husband stays in the wife’s tomb). Montague vows to build a statue for Juliet:

For I will raise her statue in pure gold, That whiles Verona by that name is known, There shall no figure at such rate be set As that of true and faithful Juliet.

Gold is associated with the masculine as well; silver with the feminine. She is remembered as someone “true and faithful,” aka for her loyalty and bravery. 

But no statue can bring Juliet back. She was not an idol, and it’s tremendously unfair that that is all she can become now. Same for Romeo. Even so, the fact that their deaths have finally brought peace to the city means that there is life growing from their deaths. They will never be able to birth a family of their own, but the city will grow and live, because of them. 

[amomentsescape]

A/N: I thought it would be fun to write up a random oneshot. I wanted to base it around a character I haven’t gotten to write for yet, and with all of the Marvel shows being rolled out, this seemed pretty fitting. Enjoy!

(Fun fact: This was supposed to be an April Fool’s Day piece, but it ended up taking a completely different turn).

Synopsis: Loki’s attempt on hiding his ever growing feelings only seems to bring more pain.

You and Me (Loki Laufeyson x Reader)

It only took him six months to realize that maybe you were an exception to what he once thought was pure hatred for mankind.

Loki had found himself in such an odd feeling. You were kind to him, and not just in the way that others tried to be.

You genuinely liked being around him, not that he’d ever believe it himself.

Why would you even give him the light of day?

His past was something that he couldn’t outrun. Even now, he still struggled to see any good in himself. The only time he actually felt like maybe there was more to him than just pain was when he was beside you.

Your soft eyes always looked up to him while he spoke, and it made him feel validated. Your sweet smile and laughs offered a moment of peace when all that spun in his mind was chaos.

But he never wanted this to happen.

Loki tried so hard to ignore the inevitable. Because deep down, the moment you walked up to him with a small quirk of your brow, he knew he was gone.

You weren’t like the other humans. You were bubbly, yet mature. You didn’t run up to him and bombard his silence with questions or accusations. You even made him feel like he was more than just his brother’s shadow.

With you, he was something. And God, did that feel good.

He had been trying to think of what to do for days now. Of course, his first thought was that this would never work out.

You deserved so, so much. And there was no way that he could be what you needed.

His cold heart would fizzle out your light, he was sure of it.

And whether he was aware of it or not, your conversations soon began to shorten. His teasing eye rolls became excuses to leave for “other matters.”

It hurt. A lot. But he didn’t know why.

He was sure that his interests would fade the less he would be around you.

But little did he understand, it hurt because he was still falling for you. Over and over again he would keep falling deeper into whatever spell you had cast, and no amount of time away from you could change that.

However, you took his nervousness to be lack of caring.

He used to be the “bad guy,” of course he didn’t care about you.

He was a God, and Gods deserved to be around angels. You knew in your heart that you could never be this.

You tried your best to keep up with other tasks. That was your job after all: to help the Avengers with their missions and information.

But the work soon became foggy, and the only thing you could really feel was the sting in your gut.

Maybe he found out how you felt about him. You made it so obvious, of course. There’s no way he didn’t catch on after all this time.

It wasn’t until the first of the month that you began to question that theory.

The tall man was in the room with you, sneakily stealing glances while you read through some files that had been given to you.

Of course, you two weren’t alone together. There was no way either of you could stand that for more than a couple seconds. However, there was still a tension between you both that left the other Avengers feeling just as off as you were.

Loki took one more look at you and decided that enough was enough.

Not talking to you was almost more painful than the thought of you rejecting him.

He wasn’t one to be soft. Not at all. But something about you just sat with him, and to be honest, he was getting kind of sick of it.

With a few quick strides, he was right there, trying his best to fake one of his signature smirks.

“That file seems to be getting the best of you,” he spoke smoothly.

His voice made you shiver, but it also pissed you off a bit. Who did he think he was? God or not, he couldn’t just go up to you and act like everything was just fine.

You scoffed.

“Why does it matter? This doesn’t pertain to you,” you gestured with the documents in your hand.

Loki’s smile faltered for a bit, but he wasn’t one to let his worries show.

“A bit feisty today, aren’t we?”

He leaned in a bit closer to you and without a second thought, you slammed the file onto the desk and stormed out of the room.

Loki froze for a second, stunned.

That definitely was not the reaction he was expecting from you.

He tilted his head a bit as he thought about what to do.

This was what he wanted right? This was the rejection he had been expecting after all. However, something about that just didn’t seem right.

It took him all of 30 seconds to walk out the same door and turn to see you making your way down the hall.

You tried your best to put distance between you two, but it was no use. He was behind you in a snap.

“Have I offended you?”

You let out a laugh at this.

“What do you think, Loki?”

You spun around and looked at his face, only to be met with something off.

His smile was still there, but it was clear that it was a cover up.

It’s almost impossible to hide sadness in his eyes.

The way his stare met yours forced you to calm down immediately. And you hated yourself by how easy he sent your guard down. It was so unfair.

“I would like to know what I did to upset you,” he responded, his voice clearly softer than it was before.

You felt your face drop.

“What you did? You went from being my best friend to having nothing to do with me. You just ignored me without telling me why.”

Loki could sense the tightness in his chest at your words. He never felt like he had a true friend before. And although you referring to him as this made him happy, there was a part of him that broke at the same time. Would he forever just be your best friend?

He hesitated for a moment more.

And then he sighed, his normal stature dissipating quickly.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

You raised your brows at him in disbelief.

“Try me.”

His gaze fell to the ground as he felt a panic rush through him.

He never planned on telling you what he had known for weeks. And he certainly wasn’t about to let it out now. Especially in these conditions.

“Pardon me,” he spoke suddenly.

He turned swiftly and began to walk back down the hall.

He didn’t want it to be like this.

You opened your mouth to say something, but no sound came out.

Instead, you decided that your only choice was to get an explanation before he just ran off. If you couldn’t run from it, then neither could he.

You sprinted after him and grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn back to you.

“No,” you stated clearly.

“No?”

“No!” you crossed your arms. “You’re not leaving without giving me an explanation. I at least deserve that.”

Loki rolled his eyes in attempt to play it cool.

“I do not think it’s necessary to explain anything.”

He tried to turn around again, but you were quick to just pull him back around, visibly closer this time.

“Don’t you dare,” you challenged. “Look. I don’t care if you never want to speak to me again. But I at least want to know what changed.”

Loki felt the same tightening in his chest again.

“That is not what I want,” he said in a quieter tone. You could barely hear it.

“What?”

“I do not enjoy being away from you.”

You stood there, a bit stunned. Loki didn’t even know what to say then. He hadn’t expected that to slip out like it did.

This moment of confusion was quickly flooded over with more frustration however.

“You sure don’t act like it then.”

He remained silent at this, and it only drew you on.

“Oh, cat got your tongue like usual? Not surprised. While you’re at it, why don’t you just disappear completely? It would feel just the same at this point!”

He didn’t even try to hide the visible hurt on his face from you. He never wanted it to get to this. He had been trying to avoid it, but it seemed that his attempt at doing so only drove things to be worse.

“Is that... what you want, (Y/N)?”

God. How could he make even the most melancholic sound of your name into the sweetest melody?

You shook your head.

“No. Of course it’s not. You’re the one person here who makes me feel listened to, like I’m not actually alone,” you sighed. “I don’t feel like this with anyone but you.”

There was a moment of silence as Loki took in what you said. Did you actually mean this?

In that deafening moment, you felt embarrassed. You never intended on telling him how you felt, and now you were just letting it all spill out.

You stared up at him for a moment as his eyebrows knitted together, his gaze focusing on the ground by your feet.

You couldn’t take it any longer. You knew what he was going to say, and you weren’t ready for the heartbreak right then.

You pushed yourself past him.

Now it was your turn to try and get as far away from the situation as possible.

And it hurt.

It all hurt so much. Everyone warned you about this man, and yet you still got attached somehow.

You could feel the warmth build behind your eyes, and it wasn’t long until the tears began to drip along your cheeks.

As you tried to wipe them away, his voice down the hall made you freeze.

“I think I might love you.”

You swore your heart stopped beating. There was no way this was actually happening; this had to be some kind of sick joke.

The footsteps grew louder as he approached you slowly, not wanting to stress you even more than you already were.

Your response was a sniffle, followed by the gentle turn of your head.

“What?”

You could hear his deep sigh from behind you.

“I was being honest with you. I hate myself for avoiding you, but I just didn’t understand what was occurring,” he paused briefly. “You changed everything for me.”

Your breath caught in your throat.

How do you even begin to reply to this?

Loki took a couple more steps as you contemplated what to do.

Instead of speaking, you turned and reached for his hand as you felt his cold fingers hesitantly curl around your own. His breathing got a bit deeper, and his eyes never left yours.

“Tell me what this means,” he spoke again, his voice dissolving into a whisper.

Your mind ceased any noise, and you realized in that moment that everything made sense. 

He was never really the bad guy. Every perception of him was just twisted to the point that even he started to believe it.

But whatever this was between you two had you wanting nothing more than the God of Mischief himself.

“Us,” you softened, pulling him closer to you. “It’s us.”

[bbhyeoliskooks]

Can I request an angst where Yeonjun breaks up with you but then wants you back a few weeks later?

«❝ 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐖𝐚𝐲 𝐀𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 ❞»

Yeonjun was the one to break up with you, so why does he want you back now?

➸ check part two out here !

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

Pairing: Yeonjun x Reader (female)

Genre: 5 cups of angst and maybe 2 cups of fluff ?

Warnings: harassment, alcohol consumption, cussing, yeonjun is a big jerk in this :ccc, cliffhanger ending, not edited so if i make a mistake... oopsies

Song: I’ll Never Love This Way Again

(I wasn’t sure if I could do a happy ending, but you just have to find that outtt 😌😌~~ i’m so sorry that it came so late too ! i just didn’t expect there’d be tons of assignments this week??? anyway, if you want me to make a part two, of course i can ! requests are always open 🥺💓)

«──── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

Everything was fine.

When Choi Yeonjun made the first move under your favorite spot in the whole world during the time both of you were stargazing, you felt his smile brush up against your lips as you kissed him to your heart’s content. Finally, the boy of your dreams was yours. You hadn’t thought this would be coming for a long time, but you were so happy it turned out this way instead of a permanent, platonic friendship- one that was simply excruciating whenever you saw him and his adorable, fluffy cheeks. Warm infatuation flowed through your veins making you kiss him deeper, allowing him to be in your arm’s embrace while your heart swelled in joy. This was love. 

You knew deep in your heart that everything was fine and was going to be fine, for that matter. 

Said boy gently cupped your cheek, and you melted into his touch under the glistening, white moonlight. He was so warm, you never wanted to lose that even if you gave up the entire universe to be with him. 

He was happy.

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach while you fondly gazed at his pure, bright smile, not being able to look away from his brown eyes which captivated you every single moment of the day. In a crowd of people, you were sure he’d be the one person you’d look at, and not to mention the only one. He was for you, and you were for him. He loved you, and you loved him. What difference was it going to make if you made it official? 

And so you were too. 

“I love you, Y/N,” he murmured so softly he wondered if you actually heard it.

You had. 

“I love you too, Yeonjun.”

Everything was fine. 

Up until now.

Call you cheesy or anything else, but all you wanted to do for the day was drop some food off at your boyfriend’s house before going out to a few of your classes. Your boyfriend of eight months, actually. You doubted that anybody else numbered their months as an anniversary, but who was counting? It had been a while since you seen each other due to studies and exams, so you assumed that this would be the perfect time to visit him for a couple minutes while he’s having troubles on a few assignments. Easily, a couple minutes could turn into hours and you’d find yourself missing class unintentionally.

Although at the same time, spending time with your boyfriend was the best! And he’s made you smile so much these past months that you were really starting to understand why you loved him so much. Those sparkling eyes which held all the starts from the Milky Way Galaxy in them, those sweet lips which never failed to calm you down whenever your patience wore thin, and that sweet heart that protected you from all evil in the world. Point is, he was the perfect boyfriend and there wasn’t even once a time where he would hurt you! After all, you knew that he loved you so much as well. He promised he would always be right beside you, and the Choi Yeonjun never ever goes back on his promises.

Entering the house with the spare key he gave you for emergencies, you hesitated for a few seconds when you heard his voice ripple throughout the silent kitchen. Was this right? It wasn’t an emergency, but what if Yeonjun was really hungry and needed you? You could picture his pouty lips whine whenever you asked him if he wanted something to eat, and the imaginary sight made you grin with delight. Still, you were unsure if you could just budge in without his permission. Like the loving boy he is, he assured you every time that it was okay, managing to convince you in the near future which was technically now that he adored in whenever you planned a surprise visit for him.

You shut the door softly, enough for it not to create any sounds that could signal you arrived. Knowing how much Yeonjun loved when you came over by the way he kept encouraging you to come over whenever you had free time, you made sure not to make any sound in order to be the sunshine in his day. It could too much for other people, but hey! Seeing him happy because of you made the pride in your chest grow, like you were on top of the world. Just a simple visit would do, right?

“Yeah Bin, I just think they’re really clingy, don’t you agree?”

His velvety voice caused you to stand still in your spot, paralyzed as your mind was reeling with a variety of thoughts. Your excitement instantly burned down in flames, your curiosity growing as you slowly inched around the familiar kitchen. Luckily you weren’t noticed, albeit that was good since you didn’t have the desire to be seen anyway. Who was he talking about? Could it be someone you know?

“Nowadays, I don’t see them as much, and I’m so happy I don’t. Like, who would want to come home to that thing? If we lived together, I sure as hell know that I wouldn’t be able to stand a minute with them, if not much more than a second.”

The pounding in your chest grew faster with every single second that passed, for if he caught you, you knew that he would be extremely disappointed. As a couple, it was important to trust each other, and especially when one of them needed their privacy. But the wonder of who it was was far stronger, overpowering the fear of being caught. Yeonjun would definitely hate you for this if he ever found out, but that didn’t mean he had to know. You felt like you were doing something by listening to him, an impending feeling in your gut which only signaled trouble.

“I think I’m getting tired of them. All they do is wear my clothes when they know they have their own and cry to me about their problems every single night. They’re always like this and that, making you do things that you don’t want to do. It’s really annoying, you don’t understand,” he added as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

Your heart sunk to the ground, shattering into a million yet heavy pieces once you registered who they were talking about. 

It was you.

Yeonjun chuckled at your newfound misery, not acknowledging you were there as he traced his finger over the marble counter. “And don’t you try to defend them, Soobin. I know you guys are good friends, but if you dated them then you would really know how stupid they are. To be honest, their problems turn out that way just because they’re such an idiot. Who knew I would be stuck with a dimwit like them?!” 

He burst into laughter, but you heard nothing from the other line. Internally, you thanked Soobin for not finding humor out of the situation, but there was a bitter taste in your mouth as you heard him tell more and more about what he hated about you.

Was it that easy to say?

Too tired to hear the rest, you gently shut the door, leaving as soon as he made another joke about your affection. The bag of food clanked against the porch loudly, causing the shutter of the windows to flicker inside the house but you didn’t care anymore if he came out to see you like this. He said you were pathetic, and that’s what you are. If you can’t even do one thing, then why even try due to the fact that you aren’t good enough for him? Your eyes were betraying your will now, welling up with tears of disappointment in yourself. You should’ve known, you should’ve known! Look what happens when you depend on people too much, this is all your fault!

You went home like a fool with your stunned voice not permitting you to say anything about what you heard from him. Maybe if you just endured it a bit more, he would come to realize that you were only doing what you did since you loved him with all your heart. This couldn’t be your boyfriend, perhaps he was stressed with all of the exams they’re giving. This wasn’t him, it just couldn’t! How could he say all of that? 

He was for you, and you were for him. He loved you, and you loved him. That was that. 

Certainly everything was going to be okay... right?

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

Just like Yeonjun wanted, you did everything in your power to make sure that he was comfortable with his own space. You placed the stolen clothes you loved to wear whenever you missed him during the time you knew he wasn’t home because of dragged out classes. You didn’t text or call him as much, knowing that he would probably get annoyed if you bothered him too many times to count on both hands. You didn’t plan surprise visits anymore when you had the time, choosing to coop yourself in your bedroom as you waited for him to say something- to say anything. 

Maybe he would actually come talk to you, right? It’s been almost three weeks since you’ve seen each other. Maybe he would notice the missing piece in his life which was you, right? He always told you he adored whenever you called him your soulmate, as cheesy as it is. Maybe he would at least explain why he’s being like this, right? He strove to do the right things in your relationship even if it cost him his pride. It was because he loved you. 

That’s what you thought. 

He didn’t, and you were left shattered in pieces. Disappointment clouded your heart as you thought well of him, the hope in your chest gradually becoming less and less each day for the time the two of you did not speak. Instantaneously, you felt terrible about yourself, understanding why he thought of you to be so clingy that it was almost suffocating.

All the while, that ended up with the two of you getting even more further apart.

You hated it, but what hurt the most was that you weren’t sure if he cared about you anymore. 

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

“Hey babe, can we talk today? I need to tell you something, so meet me up at Moonlight.”

When Yeonjun asked you to meet up with him at your favorite spot, the one you both deemed to be your place, you were absolutely thrilled to see him. It was nearing four weeks since you haven’t seen each other which was quite surprising to you; you never knew how well you could hold up without him in the first place. Moonlight was the code name for the place you both ended up confessing to each other since it was incredibly vivid in your hazy memory. You couldn’t help but remember Yeonjun’s bright smile directed towards you when you mentioned the name. 

Jittery, you made sure to put on the perfume he gifted you on your first month anniversary, spraying it just enough so that it wouldn’t overwhelm him. It was no wonder that you wanted to look your best for him, for perhaps he would finally tell you that he loved you again! You’ve been waiting for that day since forever, patience becoming frayed from the anticipation that consumed you every single day.

Your nerves were practically a scrambling mess as you walked yourself there, hoping that everything with Yeonjun was doing well. Gosh, you missed his fluffy cheeks so much and his cuddles you swore you were going to go crazy. His scent was no longer on your pillows and you had to admit that you really missed it. But really, this was a good sign! You knew that everything was going to be fine, just fine. He was going to be right by your side, right by your side where he would stay but why was this gut feeling in your fluttering stomach trying to convince you differently? 

When you arrived there, heart thumping as you watched his head peek up instead of staring at the ground, you suddenly felt your eyes gather up with tears. It was pathetic to cry in front of him, but you missed him so much that just seeing him made your whole world feel complete. As always, he looked perfect when his eyes found yours, looking you up and down and staring to see if you’ve changed one bit.

You waved at him shyly, words becoming stuck in your throat as you took in his beauty that never failed to amaze you. A smile struck your lips, stepping towards him with bravery even if you were scared you were doing something wrong. He wasn’t smiling like usual, so maybe something happened in his personal life? You wanted to be there for him through times like these. However, all you had to do now was hope for the best once he spoke up.

“Y/N, I...”

His voice faltered when he stared at your gentle expression, unable to find the courage in what he was going to say.

How was he going to break it to you?

“Yeonjun,” you stated simply, raising an eyebrow at why he was so vulnerable all of a sudden. His breath became heavy when you mentioned his name but he remained strong, standing as tall as he could to finally say-

“Y/N, I’m breaking up with you.”

... What?

He’s breaking up with you?

You couldn’t comprehend what he was saying, all the words going through one ear and out the other.

There was no way. There was no way he was breaking up with you. You were for him and you were for him. He loved you, and you loved him. There’s no reason why he would be leaving you right now, he just couldn’t do that!

He sighed, shaking his head at your dumbfound expression. “I just... I just I don’t think we’re right for each other. We don’t have any interest talking to each other anymore, and you know how easy it is to give up, right? That’s what we should do, and I know you’ll definitely find someone else.”

You still weren’t able to say anything, shock taking over you as your eyebrows furrowed and tensed up. Since when was he like this? He said he never gives up on anything, so why is he giving up on you now?

“You’re a great person and all, but I have to break up with you, alright?” His velvet voice which you swore loved you just as much made every single hope and dream die in your soul, the words he said breaking your poor heart even further. 

You couldn’t possibly understand- you just couldn’t!

He was for you and you were for him. He loved you, and you loved him. It’d always been like that! You kept repeating over and over again in your head, trying to convince yourself that this was a bad dream that you needed to wake up from. 

He didn’t say anything else, the sudden silence deafening your ears as you did your best to conjure up something to say. 

“B-but why...?”

But why? All the sympathy from before drained from his heart once he heard those words and he couldn’t contain himself, chuckling at your misconception. Why couldn’t you get it through your thick head that he was being the right one here? It was the hard truth, you needed to realize that like he did. 

“You can’t be serious, can you? It isn’t that hard to understand, I’m just saying that we should break up once and for all,” the boy muttered under his breath.

Was it that easy to say? Was it that easy to break someone you loved? Was it that easy to hurt someone you thought the world of? 

The anger built up from weeks before rushed in you and you charged up to him, punching him in the chest with all you had to give. It was too weak to feel anything, honestly. He couldn’t help but smirk at your fragility.

“Yeonjun, how could you do this?!” You heaved, voice becoming stronger without realizing it. You threw another punch, strength failing you over and over again. “I gave everything to you!” You hit him again. “I did everything in my power just so that you’d be happy!” You hit him again. “I went against my own heart in trying not to contact you as you’d like, but it all came down to this?” He watched tears one by one trickle down your cheeks as your voice thinned with hopelessness, but he just wasn’t able to feel anything. 

“You just weren’t good enough.”

It was like that one phrase set you off, and you clung to him like a fool, taking his freezing hands into yours while the atmosphere became thick with tension. Perhaps if you could’ve done something from the past the way he liked it, he wouldn’t leave you. Perhaps if you just worked on yourself and your appearance a bit more, he would actually find something to love. Perhaps if you just tried harder, everything would be fine. But why? Why had all your efforts gone to waste just like this? 

“What can I do then? What can I do to make you love me again? Tell me, please! I want to fix everything, I have to fix what we have!” You gripped his shirt as hard as you could, your knuckles turning white from how hard you were doing so. His scent which gave you euphoria every time you sensed he was near had now turned sour, making your stomach churn with dead, exhausted butterflies you weren’t sure how to clean up. 

There was no remorse in Yeonjun’s heart as he stared down at you, combing his fingers through his hair in frustration. This was much harder than what he had assumed, but you’d eventually move on, right? He honestly couldn’t say that he cared, and it was a bit funny to see how desperate you were. 

“I don’t love you anymore, Y/N, get over it,” he said before pushing you away towards the tree you used to have dates under. 

You then stumbled on your feet, almost falling over due to dizziness which numbed your senses. The thorny-like bark of the tree slit a few cuts on your arm, making you groan with tears in your eyes. You searched frantically to where he could be, eyes easily falling upon his body, where every single second you witnessed became excruciating both physically and mentally. Your chest twisted with unbearable agony while you watched him leave, walking out of your life as if it was the easiest thing to do. The splinters dug against the flesh of your skin, but you couldn’t care less. He was leaving. He was leaving, and you were just allowing it to happen. 

“Yeonjun, please don’t do this to me!”

You hoped he would hear you.

“I know it’s all my fault, but please don’t leave me!”

You hoped he would just listen. 

“I want you to stay, Yeonjun! Please!”

You hoped he would know how much you loved him so much to the point where you would die without him.

“Yeonjun, I still love you!”

But it didn’t work. 

“Please...” You reached out to him in desperation that he would come back, but the once familiar figure slowly but surely left your life, taking your torn heart without giving you one, last glance.

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

To say you were a wreck was an understatement.

If an absolute pathetic mess who didn’t take care of their hygiene as they laid in bed all day, going through several tubs of ice cream was enough to say that you were a wreck, then that was it. But clearly, that in itself was not good enough just like what he said. You were terrible, clearly in shambles after what he had said to you. Faults upon faults kept piling upon the bitter taste of your tongue no matter how much you tried to distract yourself by doing the things you loved. In this situation, it seemed that hobbies didn’t work at all. The things you did had no purpose without him. It would only come out as second best, and you could even say this was the worst you’ve ever done them. All of it came down because of the breakup. How could you live without the boy who made you so happy every single day?!

So in turn, it had to be your fault for doing this. It had to be your fault because you tried so hard and yet it just wasn’t good enough. You caught yourself thinking that if you just changed yourself a little, maybe then everything could be different, and the two of you could be happy in love like always. That only weighed on your heart because you knew you were such a fool for him, hopelessly devoted for something that would never come. 

Plus, it was bad enough that no one cared about you so much to even look after your well-being even if you felt terrible about getting help. Showing sympathy was the worst option ever since it only reminded you of how your ex would shower you with love and affection whenever something abominable happened to your heart. Looks like that wouldn’t happen now. 

Soobin tried calling you a lot after he heard that Yeonjun broke up with you, but you didn’t give him any chance to talk to you. If he did, then you would burst into tears at his voice saying something along the lines of the words, ‘are you okay?’ Obviously, you wouldn’t be able to handle it if he saw you like this- like a sobbing mess that no one else could ever love. 

A day passed of watching shows you used to love, and that didn’t work either. No spark of light passed your eyes while you gazed upon the screen you and Yeonjun used to share, laughing about your favorite characters who you would give the world to but were honestly too stupid to realize that they caused the problem in the first place. You weren’t able to help the tears that gathered up like puddles in your eyes when you saw Yeonjun’s favorite character, the one he adored all the time whenever you two watched tv together. 

Every single place you looked at, it would only remind you of him. The couch where you two would cuddle all the time, and the one where Yeonjun slept on if you forced him out. Sometimes when you both were having a bad day, some things would lead up to another with shouting and angry eyebrows due to the cause of each other. Although that would be solved in no time and more times than necessary, you would find yourself sleeping on top of his chest so he’d wake up to you apologizing to him. With lots of soft kisses too! He said he loved you, and that was that. You loved him too.

Really, you couldn’t go a day without him so why was it so different now? What happened to the loving boyfriend Yeonjun used to be?

Just a day after he broke up with you, you found your spare key you gave to him right in front of your house, waiting expectantly for you to pick it up as if it was nothing special. Just the sight of it was enough to bring you tears and you threw it over the streets as if it was nothing. It didn’t get very much far though, but the only thing your mind screamed about was Choi Yeonjun this, Choi Yeonjun that, Choi Yeonjun every-single-where. If it was something from him, you wanted nothing to do with it! Except maybe his sweaters and pillows that still had the scent of him, yeah. 

It would be strange if someone found it right on the black pavement your driveway, huh? And definitely used it to unlock your house in the wee hours of the night. Wait! And not even bothering to knock on the door before coming inside with the key that they found too. That would be totally strange...

It seemed the idea got to Soobin when he showed up to your house without you knowing, being smart enough to use the key to open the door. You awoke to his gentle voice luring you out of bed at like two in the morning, apparently just checking up to see if you were okay. Once hearing that, you sobbed onto his white sweatshirt, pretty much feeling bad that you wrecked both his mood to the max and his poor sweater that was victim to both your spit and tears. 

A bleak outcome became of this even if he assured you so many times that it was okay. His shoulder and shirt in the upcoming days were your soggy tissues for the moments where you cried, but that gave you much ranting to let out anyway. Soobin couldn’t believe his very own best friend had the audacity to do this, but it wasn’t his business to do anything but help. He didn’t mention anything to Yeonjun who laughed about your ashamed expression when he listed the reasons to your shortcomings, though it wasn’t like he cared enough about him to see for the time being. He didn’t tell you either, for he didn’t know how you’d react. What he knew mostly was that you were busy cursing Yeonjun and his perfect, white smile that still very much caused flutters to your heart.

Little did you know that Soobin’s everlasting, sweet kindness would get you somewhere farther than what you could’ve ever expected; even if it meant eating tubs of ice cream just to make yourself feel better.

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

Time goes too fast for your brain to comprehend. 

It’s been... almost one month since that very day.

That very day where Yeonjun broke up with you, marking it a month anniversary of where the love of your life crushed your entire being. That very day where you promised yourself you wouldn’t ever love again. That very day where you realized what the true meaning of what love really is.

So far, you haven’t heard about Yeonjun. Soobin didn’t tell you anything- which you were thankful for- otherwise you would’ve had a mental breakdown about his fluffy cheekies or the bright smile you so longed to have back. Likewise, he said he didn’t mention anything about you to Yeonjun, but you knew the boy was doing well without you. It’s been a long, rough month and you were obviously itching to move on, but that was what broke you the most. 

You did your best to avoid him. You ripped every single photo you had of him in your albums although it caused you so much pain, you burned every single sweater you still had left in your closet for safekeeping, you threw all of the anniversary gifts he gave you- even the promise ring so that you wouldn’t go insane. Even you were surprised at how much you could do by yourself in trying to move on. And little by little, you could tell it was working. Soobin was proud. 

In classes that you were with him, you made sure to sit at the end of the room so that he wouldn’t dare to notice you. Sometimes you’d find yourself staring at him whenever the teacher droned on and on, but luckily you got back into the lesson by engaging yourself by drawing in a few of your old notes to study from. The long hallways were crowded with tons of people, so there’s no way he’d see you too! You made sure of that. At lunch, you instead went to restaurants to waste some time until the next period started again. You made sure everything was perfect. You did everything in your power not to see him. 

Passing period was just for a while, and you met up with Soobin who seemed to be a mess with his black hair all over his eyes. You bit back laughter at his ignorance. 

“Thank you so much for helping me Soobin,” grinning, you passing him some bread from your lunch bag that you knew he would like. He accepted it generously, gnawing down on it as he shot you one of those eye smiles he knew you were weak for. 

"Of course! You’re my friend, why wouldn’t I help you? Also this bread is much more yummy than Yeonjun’s cook-” speaking of the devil, you caught sight of the boy with blue hair (something you admired as you stared at him) who was walking in your direction. His head was turned to the side as he laughed with his friend, but that laughter was enough to shatter your heart all over again

Grabbing Soobin, you pulled him out to the other hall where luckily Yeonjun wouldn’t be able to see you two if he didn’t go there. You hoped he wouldn’t. He would see how you weren’t over him yet! One of you, you couldn’t discriminate between them, sighed. Your heart was thumping way too loudly in your chest in which you were sure anybody could hear it and you teared up, laying a shaking hand over your chest. That was a close one. That was so close, he could’ve seen you like this- like such a mess who wasn’t good enough. 

“It’s because you saw Yeonjun, right?” Soobin’s hands gripped your arms as you suddenly felt overwhelmed with dizziness. What happened to your posture and your stature? You shook horribly, nodding your head at his words. Again, there was a bitter taste in your mouth as you avoided Soobin’s eyes. He must’ve been disappointed in you, but you just couldn’t do it. 

“Yeah. I saw him again, and he could’ve seen me,” you spoke softly only he could hear it, clear tears of agony becoming one puddle onto the hard ground. 

You weren’t sure if you could handle seeing him. You couldn’t allow yourself to after how hard you’ve been working. 

Soobin just pursed his lips, pulling you in for another embrace of his. He doesn’t mind giving them to you whenever you needed it, and seeing you like this hurt him just as much as it did when you saw Yeonjun. Nonetheless, you were surprised at his manner despite the sadness that clouded your vision. You were expecting him to reprimand you since you were doing so well and this could be the next big step, but he didn’t. You knew that was only because he was only worried for you anyway.

What you didn’t know was that when Yeonjun turned the halls to see the two of you holding each other in the dark while you did your best not to make any sounds, he glared at Soobin who found him in the corner of his eye. In response, he furrowed his eyebrows back to him, laying his chin comfortably on top of the head as if it was what he always did. They both stood there for a few moments as your chest heaved up and down with heart-wrenching sounds of hiccups that echoed through the hallway, but not one of them dared to move moved. Yeonjun then shook his head, turning away as his loud, mocking steps were practically silent to you who sobbed on the one you knew you depended too much on. Soobin noticed that his annoyed expression was brimming with green, monstrous jealousy, obviously at the sight. But he didn’t want to tell you.  

You didn’t stop yourself from crying until the soothing voice above reminded you that it was finally time for your next class. Pulling yourself together was the hardest thing to do in that moment as your stomach coiled with a churning spin. You wanted to throw up as regret bubbled in your fake smile. How would you ever move on if Soobin didn’t feel the need to help you?

Future you would’ve definitely gave her everything just to tell you that Soobin’s help failed. 

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

Was it too early to say that you totally regretted coming here in the first place with Soobin?

All these people dancing upon each other and making out in whatever they could find weren’t your thing. Every place your eyes landed upon was something you definitely needed the eye bleach for, it was too disgusting for you to even glance at once in a while. It could be the drinks that are making people like this, but where was their modesty? You wanted to choke from how much they shoved it in your face that they were happy. That’s also due to the fact that they made you feel extremely single as well, but not the point! 

Instead you were standing near the “punch” table, staring down at your drink since it was so much better to look at instead of people eating their faces out. Some of the boys tried to get you notice them, but you paid no mind to them. No amount of catcalls about what you chose to wore or the seductive snickers they sent your way could pull you out from your trance of the hypnotizing cup. None of them were as cute as your standards anyway... which was still Yeonjun. 

A cup wouldn’t hurt tonight. Just one cup would be fine, wouldn’t it? You winced at the taste, nose scrunching up with disgust when you downed it again. It was hasty to put some more in the cup while you poured the most you’d ever done before, taking no time to repeat the same action. You knew that in a couple of minutes- hours or so, you’d probably end up drunk and alone on the dance floor, but who cares. No but seriously, who cares? Not even yourself, so maybe once you could actually find a distraction which, or for that matter, who makes you feel better. 

One cup.

Two cups. 

Some things led to another and what surrounded you became blurry, hazy, and too raggedy to make sense of.

You weren’t expecting to hear a familiar voice from out the corner send shivers down your back, prodding at your heart as you almost spit back your drink into the same cup. 

It was in no doubt, him.

A lump appeared in your throat, making you choke on your own spit. Soobin lied, that rat lied to you! Was it on purpose or that he really didn’t know? You sure had to give it back to him by socking him in the stomach once you made eye contact with him. Otherwise they were having a date here, but you knew Yeonjun well enough that he wouldn’t do this from your past experiences. 

However, that wasn’t the point! You got back to your surroundings, taking sneaky glances at who you’d been dreading to see this whole month. 

“Please, no! It can’t be him!” You whisper-shouted to no one, holding your breath as the same scent with the same voice inched closer to you in slow steps. It passed through your nose, making your stomach churn with anxiety as you heard his *feet draw nearer and nearer and nearer to you. You could feel the breath in your lungs depleting as your eyes widened with fear, too paralyzed in your spot to move away. Was he going to hurt you even more now? 

Move, please! Just move your legs and leave!

“Y/N, baby...? Please tell me that’s you,” Yeonjun gently called, getting closer with slow stomps and an aching heart in mind. He took in your bored facial features, the thumping in his ears getting louder and louder as seconds passed. It had been a while since he clearly took a look at you; in response, his mind clearly blowing over with a thousand questions per minute. This had to be an illusion, tricking him that it wasn’t the you he was searching for this entire time. Maybe he was drunk, but it just couldn’t be something that wasn’t there! Who else could it be other than the one person he’d been pining for, for a month?

It was you, the only person he’d ever loved. 

The word baby pricked your ear, and you turned to the side to see Yeonjun with tears in his eyes. They were sparkling from the lights all over the house where you could clearly see them, and you cringed, looking away from him. What a sight you didn’t ever want to see for the rest of your life. It only made things worse, obviously! This urge of wanting to baby him while asking him had to be suppressed or else you wouldn’t know what would happen. You were doing so well. You couldn’t give up now. 

“Y/N? Why are you here? I thought you’d be home studying like you always do,” the boy muttered, his eyes focused on your every action as if you’d disappear any second. He was right, you completely wanted to disappear from his sight. Still, you didn’t want to look back at him in fear that your streak would end in a demise. 

“Nothing, and it’s none of your business anyway. Please, leave me alone.”

He only shook his head at this- or what you assumed from the peripheral vision of your eyes- and jerked a thumb at the red solo cup you were holding. You decided to gaze at it intently like you had been doing this whole time, bringing it up to your lips when he shouted something right in your ear. It was quite different than what he was murmuring earlier, and you almost dropped the cup from your already shaking hands. 

“Y/N, stop drinking! I told you it wasn’t good for you, don’t you remember?”

Yeah, but that was back then. 

You shakily sighed, clenching your eyes shut. If you wouldn’t allow yourself to look at him, then let’s not do any of this at all. A headache would soon become of this, if his nagging voice kept annoying you any longer. 

“It’s an acquired taste, you idiot. Just leave me alo-”

"Please, listen to me,” he cut in, easily begging in favor of you. Too curious to hear what his request was, you didn’t say anything.

“I don’t know how to start this off but... I know I’ll never love this way again, just like I do to you. Y/N, can’t you see?! I’m dying without you.” He moved closer to you and you looked down at the floor, too shaken up to say anything. His breath was near enough that you could feel it right against your forehead while he looked directly at you with piercing eyes. You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything, the words of help stuck in your throat as your poor heart hammered in your poor, wrenching chest. 

He then held out his arm towards you, one so desperate you felt it through his heart that he wanted to let you hold on. You looked away from that too, not wanting the urge of finally seeing him to enrapture you like always. 

“There’s no one else who can ever replace you. It’s me for you and you for me like we’ve always said... can’t you see it too?” His words were too affectionate to get away from now. What was this warm feeling you received upon hearing that? Gulping nervously, the last part of his words resonating in your mind before he drew one, last breath. 

“I need you,” he delicately whispered.

There must’ve been glue beneath you, for you were trapped in that claustrophobic spot in the corner. Of all the words he could say, he just had to hit you right in the chest where everything ached... Suddenly, it had become so silent you could hear a pin drop. Your ears had to be tricking you. There was no way Yeonjun could ever say that to you, after all the things he did to you a month ago. He had to remember that, right?! You can’t go back to him no matter what he says! He doesn’t love you. He never did. 

“I’m leaving. Have the cup if you want it,” you shoved it into his hands and right off the bat, he dropped it like it was nothing. A deep, permeating frown was on his face and he grabbed your hands with his warm ones, holding it as if it was the only thing he ever wanted to do. His thumb stroked the top of yours, clinging on tightly in desperation as if begging you to spare one more glance at him before this love was somewhat forbidden, somewhat over.

“Y/N, I know I messed up pretty bad, but please. Please, be safe out there. I won’t hold you back anymore. Tell me to take you home, and I’ll do it. I need you, just please,” He held onto your hand, his fingers tightly wound with yours and your eyes widened. Why did he have to sound so genuine? 

“Have a good night, Yeonjun,” you glanced at him for the first and last time to see a glistening tear run down his cheek. He was the same. Yeonjun was the same. All the way to his forehead and lips, he was just Yeonjun. His messy, blue hair was still just as charming as your eyes ran through it. His lips were like you left them, and you could do anything just to show him how much you adored them again. His pure eyes were still like the last time you saw them, innocent and sweet like it held no true matter of what the world was like out there. 

It broke you just as much as the last time you saw him. He and you were finally meeting each others’ eyes, but not in a way you ever expected. You wanted to be free from him by the time you saw him again, so that he’d realize you were doing well without him even if the case was far from that.

And you wanted to say that it was what he deserved but why in the hell was your heart saying so much differently?! 

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

By the time you got out of where Yeonjun currently was, you could feel yourself losing breath even if you hadn’t walked very far. It was true that you walked as best as you could because the legs which carried you across the dance floor simply felt like dancing jelly; all the while you kept cursing yourself internally for even making a dry conversation with him. 

The air felt tense now. You felt as if you could no longer relax inside that same house for any longer. Soobin wasn’t anywhere to be found, but you didn’t truly search for him in the first place because this was one night where you wanted to enjoy yourself for a little while. 

Maybe some drinking would help it like it had done earlier. You wouldn’t have to worry anymore about Yeonjun if you just changed your mindset due to the drinks! Wobbling, you gripped onto one of the cups that distinctly wasn’t yours and took a few swigs out of it, hoping it would help ease your nerves. 

Three cups. His smiling face appeared in the cup, and you winced at the bitter taste. Why were you torturing yourself with this bitterness? 

Four cups. Well, looks like you were okay, you guessed. 

Some things led to another and here you were. At the dance floor where you were swaying to the music the dj put on whether it was romantic or made to have a blast.

Throwing your hands up to the sky like all the other people were doing, you realized you were having so much fun- for a couple of minutes or even a couple of hours, you weren’t sure- until two, sly hands gripped at your waist. You instantly cowered away with widened eyes, backing away from instinct when they forcibly pulled you back in. 

“Hey, sweet cakes,” they slurred quietly, their breath repulsed with beer mixing in with the tacky scent of cologne they chose. You immediately noted that it was a male’s voice, scrunching your nose up at the rudeness he plainly owned. The audacity he had to come up to you like this instead of introducing himself with a tender voice. And a pet name straight off too?! Give you a break. 

It made you think about how Yeonjun always treated you nicely, naturally acting like a gentleman whose kindness made your heart swell with love.

“Hey, asshole, could you leave me alone?” Despite the fear rushing through your veins, you made sure to stand firm like everything was okay. Sooner or later, he had to get the hint. And if not... you glanced at your heels, then catching a look at his crotch. But we could say that was only Plan B if nothing else worked out. 

He chuckled at what you assumed to be your insolence, a cocky grin crossing his attractive and confident face that only made you want to throw up. 

“Aw, don’t be like that! I saw you dancing right across the room and I knew I had to get a piece of that,” he muttered, getting closer to you by each step. You couldn’t help but groan at his terrible advances towards you. 

“Well, I don’t care. Leave me alone, please.”

The man sighed, rolling his eyes at your words. You hoped that with that action it meant he was finally leaving you alone, giving you the peace you so hopelessly needed after the whiplash that took place with your ex. But he only got close to you, an uneasy grimace taking place instead of the pretentious, arrogant grin from before. Your stomach bubbled with anxiety this time, not feeling much too comfortable in the moment to dance again.

“Help! Someone, please!” No matter how much you kicked at the bottom area of his body (and missing them completely since your aim terribly sucked when you became drunk), he wouldn’t budge to your surprise. You tried squirming away due to the resistance of being a damsel in distress like every saving person needed to be, but the man would clearly not move with all your efforts! 

He puckered lips swiftly while you hurriedly tried to move away with the best of your abilities. You were sure as hell you couldn’t get out of there even if you used all the strength that was left in your body. With the wall pressed up against your back and the looming arms that trapped you in, there was no way you could leave without pleasing him. He was getting way too close for comfort and you closed your eyes shut, no longer feeling the courage to shout at anyone through the blasting music. 

“Now, how about you give me a kiss from those pretty-”

“she said leave her alone, you asshole!” 

In one, sweeping moment which had you off your feet, you felt someone’s back brush against your front while you squealed with a deadening fright. At the very last bit of being harassed, you never would’ve expected to be saved by the one and only who you thought was never going to come back. Hastily you opened your eyes, only to see Yeonjun whose chest was heaving up and down from how fast he ran just to protect you.

“Leave her alone or else I’ll be forced to do something much worse- something more horrendous than you could ever imagine.”

Seeing how tall Yeonjun was in comparison to him, he muttered something under his breath before moving along to another direction. And just like that, he was gone. Gone to another place where you hoped never to see him again to bother either of you.

You internally thanked the heavens, eyes tearing up from how grateful you were to not have been physically attacked. 

Yeonjun speedily turned back to you, his face blooming into a worrisome expression. Lips forming into a pout, he cradled your cheek, checking everything from your face to your arms which were shaking terribly in order to be sure you were unscathed. 

Even if you hated him so much at the moment, even if you thought he was a dreadful person for hurting you, even if what he was doing could be because it was the right thing to do and not because he loved you, this was the Yeonjun who you fell in love with in the first place. He was right in front of you again and no matter how much you wanted to back away from him, you couldn’t deny that he was your precious knight in shining armor. 

“Yeonjun, thank you- I’m scare...” Your brain wasn’t able to form a comprehensive sentence, words jumbled together to create a nonsensical grumble you were sure he couldn’t understand. He just cooed at you softly, taking you into his warm arms which felt just as cozy as his sweet heart. Your face subconsciously buried upon his chest, nuzzling into it as he gently patted the top of your head. 

“Hey, hey, hey, I’m right here. There’s no need to worry. I’m right here, and I’ll always be right here.” His hug this time was made for you, and you happily sighed with a newfound relief. Tighter, you clung onto him, hoping he didn’t mind. A part of you knew that he didn’t care because he kept pressing those soft kisses he knew you adored onto the crown of your head. 

Your brain was yelling at you that this was wrong, he could be toying with your heart again, but everything felt so right. Your heart wasn’t corresponding to your mind, telling you something the sober you wouldn’t be able to understand. 

You were safe at last. 

The both of you stayed like that for a few minutes with you sniffling into his embrace before he lightly rubbed your shoulder. 

“Come on, baby, let’s go home to make you calm down,” he took your hand into his tenderly, treating it with the utmost respect. After all, it was what you deserved after all of that trauma. 

All the way he made sure you were alright strolling beside him, protecting you like the world depended on it. His scent was too addictive and you followed him, holding his hand tightly while a soft smile became of his face. 

Before you knew it, his steps led you to his house. 

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

“Yeonjun, stop! You know I’m-” you erupted with an intermittent series of laughter, giggling over and over again whenever his fingers accidentally traced against your stomach. He was busy carrying you to wherever he was taking you, whining about how you didn’t deserve less from sleeping on somewhere comfortable. 

“You’re not sleeping on the couch,” he giggled along with you, nuzzling his nose against yours. Anybody else who saw this could see that you both were clearly an affectionate mess, touching one another whenever they pleased. 

Sooner than later after all that messing around, he laid you down on top of the bed as gently as he could, setting you down as if you were a fragile vase. His fingers lingered at your side before he cleared his throat, instantly pulling away at how quiet the atmosphere had gotten. 

It was hard to see his face now; the dimness of the room and not to mention the side effects of being drunk disrupting your normal vision, but you could still see how intent he was on gazing at you. You grew shy at how long the duration of time he chose to stare at you with keen eyes, looking away compared to your strong, resistance persona from before. 

Yeonjun found this little bit to be endearing, sketching out your whole, entire face in his head. To your adorable, button nose, to your cheeks which he oh so wanted to pinch, and to your lips that he was too afraid to kiss without permission, everything was simply perfect- a masterpiece that cannot be described in words. If it was up to Yeonjun, he would never look away because he was afraid he’d lose you again.

But this wasn’t right.

If he was there, it would only hurt you like you said earlier. His heart was screaming at him to let you know that he loved you more than anything else he’d ever laid eyes upon, but no, that wouldn’t be right either. He wasn’t sure how you’d react once he told you that. You’d leave him and rightfully so. 

Even if he was drunk as hell, he knew you wouldn’t be too comfortable sleeping with him once you sobered up in the morning. Besides, it was his fault- he doesn’t get to treat you like the way he did before since he really has no right to. 

Sighing, he turned to go until something grabbed onto his hand. His eyebrows rose up, but he didn’t allow himself to look back or else he’d betray all his morals.

Like he expected, you were the one holding him in place, your fingers sliding against his as they squeezed tightly. 

“Yeonjun... stay? Just for tonight?”

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

A soft, genuine smile spread throughout his face as he turned over on his side, immediately expecting to touch someone that kept him company from last night. It had been a while since things were arranged like this, a month if he remembered correctly in his hazy mind. This was something he’d been desiring for such a long time already... he was going to make the most of it even if it was just a little bit.

Wait a minute... his fingers danced throughout the covers, eyebrows turning into a frustrated furrow and he finally realized what was happening. 

But- but you were there with him last night! You weren’t an illusion! Your voice resonated through his head along the lines of asking him to stay, but you just weren’t there. 

Panic swept throughout Yeonjun’s body as his eyes searched the whole entire room for any sign of her, looking at the door which was wide upon unlike last night.

“I messed up,” he groaned as he raked his fingers through his messy hair, heart dropping to his stomach as if it had weighed 1,000 pounds. His shaking, cold hand plummeted upon a pillow that was still warm and coated with her warm scent he always adored coming home to whenever he had a rough day. 

But you were no longer there. You were gone. 

“I lost her.”

---

Posted: 2/15/21- 6:30pm

Tags: 

[hunflowers]

The Aftermath

Word Count: 3.7k

Requested? Yes, and you can too, here :)

A/N: here she is, the little piece of the puzzle y’all have been waiting for. it’s a small part two of 1964, and it’ll take place just after their reunion at the end of the story!! i hope you enjoy it, because i missed writing my babies a lot and i hope you love them just as much as me.

pls, reblog the fics you read or heck even if you see it on your dash; it means a lot <3

good luck and have fun, in that order *nose boops*

“Happy Birthday, Rose.”

No one can explain the phenomenon of joy processed through the body and soul as Harry spoke those simple words into the air to Y/N.

It can only be described as a chill shooting down her spine, flaring goosebumps on her skin, her mouth running dry at the sight of him, or maybe the way her eyes glossed over with a glistening sheen. Pure joy.

As if she didn't already feel transported back to 1964 when sharing her many stories with her eager to learn granddaughter, she certainly did now. Seeing Harry's face, the same features that made her swoon all those years ago - though a little mature now - made her feel like she was her twenty-one year old self all over again.

It felt like a movie, as if the two of them shaped back into their younger statures, adorned in the style from way back when, embodying a world of black and white that would explode into color. Hannah and Eleanor disappeared into the future, and all there was, was Harry and Y/N like how they once were.

Before she could process what she was doing, Y/N was scurrying across the wood floor, walking the fast she has in a while, throwing her arms around Harry’s shoulders and burying her face into the crook of his neck. She could feel the rumble of his chest as he laughed, easily reciprocating the love by engulfing her in a hug, pulling her impossibly closer.

The smell of the roses swarmed Y/N’s nose, tingling her senses in the best way possible. Her brain was overpowering as it continued to be overwhelmed by the events happening, still trying to understand how Harry, her H, was in front of her.

Pulling away a few moments later - but not completely unraveling herself from his hold - she looked up at him, looking at her favorite shade of green that she tried so hard to recreate yet always failed. “Are you really here?”

“Yes! He is, Nona!” Ellie cheered from behind her, causing everyone to gape at her while also laughing. He’s really here, in her arms, breathing the same air as her.

Maybe he wasn’t a dream, after all.

Looking back up at him, Y/N smiled softly, bringing her hands up under his jaw, using her thumbs to caress the soft skin that was lined with a little bit of stubble. “I missed you,” she whispered, almost like it was meant to be a secret.

With his own little grin, Harry placed his own free hand on her cheek, using his thumb to swipe the tear that managed to escape her eye without her noticing. Instinctively, Y/N leaned her head to rest in his palm, a reflex she never seemed to have shake.

Harry didn’t have to say anything back for her to know that he felt the same way, if not more. His actions always spoke a lot louder than his words, and it also seemed that old habits hardly seem to die, even so many years later.

“Okay,” Hannah cleared her throat, trying to gain the attention of the two older folk for the first time in the last couple of minutes. “We’re meeting Aunt Carmella and Uncle Frank in twenty minutes.”

The duo separated, heat rising to their cheeks as they realized just how close they had been for those moments. Harry offered her her bouquet of roses, to which she took gratefully and scurried off to find a vase, uttering a quick, “I’ll be right back.”

In reality, yes she went to find a vase, but Y/N also needed a second to recuperate, inhaling deeply to get her heart to start slowing its rapid pace. Fifty-five years since she’s seen him.

Fifty-five.

It was a lot to comprehend. She was convinced she’d never look at him, hold him, appreciate his existence ever again. One thing is for sure, she never did stop loving him.

Y/N placed her hands down on the counter she placed her roses on, leaning her weight onto her hands as she felt the emotions roll over her like waves crashing on a beach. Her insides felt like mush. She was experiencing the come down after getting off a rowdy rollercoaster, like those she used to go on on Coney Island whenever she visited New York. Electricity shot through her veins as if she had been succumbed to the consequences of the electric chair - yet it wasn’t painful. In fact, she felt alive.

“Mom,” Hannah spoke from behind her, causing her to nearly jump out of her skin. Y/N didn’t realize she had been so lost in her own thoughts for a few moments there. Raising her hand to her chest, she turned around and let out a breath, before smacking her daughter in the shoulder.

“You can’t do that to me, Han. I’m old, I could die from a heart attack.”

“Don’t even joke about something like that,” Hannah rolled her eyes. But quickly the annoyance dissipated as she remembered why she came into the kitchen in the first place. “Are you okay?”

Y/N pursed her lips, giving her a simple shrug. “Yes and no. It’s not easy being reminded of... the love and pain I felt. How did you even find him, anyway?”

Hannah sheepishly smiled, “Aunt Carmella...”

Y/N scoffed, knowing it was exactly like her friend to be secretive about something so monumental like knowing where Harry is and how to contact him. She couldn’t determine if it was a good thing that Carmella kept this information from her, but deep down she knew it was.

As soon as Y/N gathered her wits, the foursome were out the door and on their way to lunch. They had decided to drive two separate cars, and after a bit of begging, Y/N let Harry drive them in his rental. Though, along the way it was a bit of rocky journey. “First time driving on the right side of the road,” was his excuse.

In the car ride, Y/N took the time to truly admire the man she once laid beside at night, trying to wrap her head around the fact that he was next to her again. She wondered if in his old age he would turn wrinkled and decrepit, maybe using a cane or having a hunch back. It only seemed fitting that he beat all of those stereotypes and looked like he had the health of his younger self rather than a seventy-six year old man. He’s timeless; just like their love.

When they finally met up with Carmella, it didn’t take Y/N long to scold her friend for keeping such a humongous secret from her, and working in tandem with her own daughter and granddaughter. All the Italian woman did was shrug before latching her arms around both Harry and Y/N’s frames, pulling the three of them close for a long-awaited, reuniting hug that felt like home.

“Il trio è tornato e meglio che mai. questo merita un brindisi,” [The trio is back and better than ever. This deserves a toast] Carmella cheered, clapping her hands in giddiness as she waved the waitress back over to order the most extravagant wine.

Leaning down to whisper in Y/N’s ear, Harry muttered, “And I still have no idea what she’s saying.” Y/N bumped his shoulder with hers, shaking her head gently as a small smile snuck up onto her lips.

Lunch was shared with many laughs and old stories - all per the request of Ellie. She was eager to keep learning and eager to see her nona so happy.

When lunch was over and they were all saying goodbye, Ellie practically all but pushed Y/N to go with Harry so they could go somewhere private. Hannah of course condoned her daughter’s behavior, but also told her mom it was for the best they catch up without either of them around. They needed to be alone.

That’s how they ended up at the park downtown, where Y/N used to frequent often when she used to run in the mornings or whenever she needed a spark of creativity for her next painting. 

Once Harry placed the car in park, the stagnant tension between them only rose as neither of them jumped to get out of the vehicle. They simmered, absorbed, melted into the atmosphere, basking in it before they flipped it on its head to talk about what they both had been avoiding.

It was an unspoken truce to get out of the car at the same time. The sun was winking at them through the clouds, luring them to venture deeper into the park, just like it used to. Almost as if the star was just as excited as them to be back in each other’s lives. The saying is if walls could talk, but what about the sun? Or the moon? Both kept Harry and Y/N’s moments inside of them, stored deep in their cores right next to all the other love that happened in their line of vision.

Out of instinct, the two locked hands. And they didn’t seem to mind. It felt like a magnet pulled them together, and it would take a lot of force to break them apart.

As they walked along the paved path, being passed by those on bikes or joggers, or really even anyone that walked faster. They weren’t in any sort of rush, because moments like these aren’t meant to be fast paced. They needed to simmer, absorb, and melt.

Harry decided to be the first to speak up, surprising both of them considering, well, his past. “I see the artist life treated you well.”

Slightly turning her head to face him, she laughed softly, shrugging her shoulders. “I guess it did. You predicted it.”

I can’t wait to buy your art one day.

Harry gazed down at his feet, humming a response. He didn’t have the proper words to respond to her allusion to his letter. Hearing the twinge of spite sitting on top of her words was enough for him to gauge that his letter was a sore topic for her. And rightfully so, because even he hasn’t completely forgiven himself for not giving her a proper goodbye.

Coming up on a patch of grass that was half hidden beneath a large oak tree and half in the glory of the sunlight, Harry and Y/N decided to take a seat. If they were going to throw themselves into the past, might as well go all the way and lay in the grass like they did in Florence. Albeit, they wouldn’t actually lay down because it would’ve been impossible for either of them to properly get up.

They rested their backs against the large trunk, looking out into the field and watching little kids play around as their parents kept their distance off to the side with other parents. Y/N found it near impossible to not snap a mental picture of what was in front of her, cursing herself for not bringing her camera with her. It was a beautiful day, and one she wished to remember. Not because of the dreadful conversation that was bound to swallow her whole or the man sitting beside her, but because of the landscape.

What a waste of a beautiful day.

Now, it was her turn to break the silence, because she knew he wouldn’t. He may have once, but that was all he could probably handle. “Tell me about your life, Harry. Please.”

Letting out a breath of air he didn’t realize he had been holding in, Harry twiddled with his thumbs in his lap. “Got two kids. Ben and, uh, Rose.”

Ouch.

“Five beautiful grandchildren.” He spoke shortly and to the point, finding it very difficult to open up the can of worms that is his life.

Once Harry got the call from Carmella that he was going to surprise Y/N for her birthday, he couldn’t get on a plane any faster. The idea of being face-to-face with her again after so many years was daunting and normally he found it difficult to escape his confined box of reality. But that was the thing about Y/N, she always made things seem less terrible to him.

England is his origin and where his family resides, but it hardly felt like home anymore.

His marriage with Nancy balanced on its very thin, tight rope for thirty years, but they both knew it was bound to fall off. Once he returned from Italy, it was like he was a soldier returning from war, because he in no way was the same man who left for Italy when coming home. But, they pushed on, because it was what they were meant to do.

They had two wonderful kids and they seemed like the picturesque family they were planned to be. Behind closed doors, they were anything but. He and Nancy fought a lot and their kids seemed to loathe him for reasons still unbeknownst to him. He supported them and loved them like any parent would, yet it felt like they joined everyone else in his life that wanted to keep him silent. Everyone except one person.

Once his and Nancy’s divorce was finalized, the kids couldn’t be more thrilled. All they needed was a solid reason to drop their father out of their lives. As the years went on they slowly worked him back into their day-to-day routine, but not really. Only for the sake of his grandkids was he in their lives.

It was especially hard living his life knowing his own creations couldn’t stand him just like everyone else, and that was exactly why he couldn’t agree faster to get on a plane to America.

“I officially retired last year, so m’not really doing much these days. Actually, I picked up drawing again if y’could believe it. Haven’t touched a pencil for artistic purposes since... well, since then.” Their heads remained forward, not a single glance made towards one another because it felt easier this way. 

Y/N listened intently to the drawl of his voice, engraving the words he spoke deep into her mind, right next to the dusty ones he spoke fifty-five years prior. Everything and anything he’s ever said rests idly on little bookshelves in her brain, collecting dust the longer she takes to go back and hear them over. It was nice to add new additions to her collection. “That sounds lovely, H.”

His heartstrings pulled at the use of his nickname, something only she would call him. He was only Harry to any one, both by his choice and because every one else was too prim to call him something else.

Y/N took notice to how he mentioned nothing of Nancy, and paired that with the fact he wasn’t wearing a wedding band on his most intimate finger. She thinks maybe he did it out of courtesy to not beckon any unwarranted anguish and pain for her sake - because that’s exactly why she didn’t wear hers.

When she went to put her flowers in a vase in the kitchen, she slid her engagement and wedding rings off her finger and set them down gently on the counter, not wanting to clash her two separate lives.

That’s why she had to ask about her. She couldn’t keep going if she didn’t have any sort of answer to her wondering questions that she’s had for the past five decades. “How’s Nancy?” Y/N didn’t care to actually know how she is, she just wanted to know their story.

The leaves above them blew in the suddenly apparent wind, threatening them that what they were about to indulge in was like a storm on the horizon. It was bound to come and impossible to avoid. “Dunno. Haven’t spoken to her in a couple of weeks.”

This opened the door to many unanswered questions in Y/N’s mind, sending her down on spiral of want and need for an explanation that he didn’t seem keen on giving. This closed the most important door, flooding her with relief she didn’t realize she needed to feel just a little less pain sitting next to him.

Not knowing just how to pose her next question, Harry beat her to the punch, halting her thoughts in her tracks. “We’re divorced.”

Divorced. A strange concept. Y/N never imagined divorcing her husband in all of the years they were married. It seemed trivial and time-consuming and led to no greater purpose in her mind. She could either be miserably alone, or miserable with a man by her side. The latter seemed the most comforting.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I’m not. We weren’t meant to be,” he chuckled, laughing not because it’s actually funny, but because Y/N knew they weren’t meant to be. It was obvious. “Just meaningless pieces in my parents puzzle.”

Hearing his broken words that he used to rant about all those years ago resurface, Y/N couldn’t help reaching for his hand again, clasping it between both of hers and holding it in her lap. It didn’t matter how many years had passed, because it was certain his parents were still a sore subject. She wanted him to know that she never forgot the hurt they put him through, and that she will always be on his side. Always.

Diverting the attention away from himself, it was Harry’s turn to pour salt into a wound he knew would sting harshly. “Did you uh, ever get married, Rose?”

When Carmella had managed to get his number a couple years after Italy, they kept in contact nearly every week. A lot of the time their topic of conversation would revolve around Y/N, and what ever new information Carmella could relay. One thing he refused to know however, was if she ever got married. He didn’t need to know, nor did he want to. But now, he supposes he does. 

“I did. He passed in February.” The 1st. Coincidental, maybe ironic. “He was a good man.”

Silence. It was nice Y/N was able to settle herself with someone deemed to be good. It’s what she deserved. But Harry didn’t want to know anymore.

Silence. They kept their heads forward, but over time Y/N’s head slowly ended up resting on Harry’s shoulder. Their hands stayed latched and their bodies radiated each other’s warmth. Y/N felt cold though. Rehashing their pasts slowly brought them closure, but it in no way healed the pain that rested heavy on her heart. “I wish things could’ve been different for us, Harry.” They deserved different than what they were given. Why do soulmates exist if they can’t be together? 

A love like theirs is folklore; unsure if it ever existed, but meant to be told for generations. “We were special don’t you think?”

“We were everything,” Harry murmured, squeezing her hands, then planting a gentle kiss to the crown of her head.

Y/N laughed again at his allusion, but she wasn’t laughing because it was funny, but because it stung like a wasp. Over and over again. “I’ve still got that stupid piece of paper, y’know. Your letter. Saved it all these years because it was all I had.”

The little anger she had left inside of her began to bubble up. Though it didn’t last very long as tears welled in her eyes, just like when she picked up the stupid paper for the first time. Grief stampeded her stomach like a herd of frightened elephants, bruising her deeply as the pain she felt from that day made itself known in the present.

“You didn’t say goodbye. Why didn’t you say goodbye?”

The wind picked up as the clouds in the sky completely covered the sun in forecast, hovering over Harry as a reminder, just in case he didn’t already know the pain he caused.

Pulling Y/N close to his chest, he let her cry, knowing it was best to not say anything at all. She wasn’t legitimately asking why he didn’t, but it felt good to get the question off her chest. So he let her cry, his own tears pricking his waterline, balancing on the edge before tumbling over and down onto his cheeks.

Just when the sun began to come out from its hiding spot, the two subsided their emotions, calming down just like the leaves above their heads. The storm had passed. All that’s left now is the aftermath.

“We don’t get forever, Rose. But we have each other now.”

Something tells them though that despite how many physical years they may have left with one another, they’ll always have forever. The thought rests easy on their minds.

With just a few more minutes of sitting in the grass and simmering, absorbing, melting, the duo decided it was time to get up. They were going to put the past behind them, starting with the fact that maybe they were too old to be sitting in the grass like they used to.

Laughs and giggles were exchanged as they both tried to get to their feet as gracefully as possible without drawing any attention to themselves. They were a heap of giggles and optimism as they retraced their steps back onto the pathway, heading back to his car.

It almost seemed like déjà vu the moment a speedy bicyclist zoomed past Y/N, nearly grazing her left side. She moved out of his way just in the nick of time, but haphazardly fell into Harry’s arms, who always seemed ready to catch her even in the most abrupt of times.

It all happened so fast yet also so slow, running parallel to the moment this exact occurrence happened fifty-five years ago. Their whole day ran parallel to their pasts, so it was only inevitable that that same electricity sparked through their bodies again.

They gazed into each other’s eyes the moment her body felt safe, that same magnet pulling them close enough that their mouths were only a few inches apart. Not a single word was exchanged as their breaths mingled together and their fingers gripped each other forcefully.

Remembering when she told Ellie about their first electric moment, Ellie immediately questioned if the two of them had kissed because it seemed like the perfect moment. Disappointingly, they didn’t.

She would hate to disappoint her granddaughter again.

So, this time they did.

It was the perfect moment, after all.

[fenheart87]

Flowerful Language

KuraHi fluff... Subtle flower language to show affection, the idea was based off three things: white rose meaning young love and loyalty and two roses together meaning feelings returned.

Kurama was distracted from his studies by gentle fingers combing through his hair. Being touched by the owner of said hand wasn’t something new, just the context and type of touch. The redhead had not recently injured himself on his cranium nor anywhere else. Despite his brain being puzzled, his body remained curiously relaxed as he sat leaning against his bed and that was all the more puzzling. When had the smaller demon moved to his bed?

“Hiei?”

“Hn?”

“Is there something in my hair?” Kurama joked, not yet pulling away to look at the fire demon and break the soothing and gentle touch.

“You always have something in your hair fox.” The almost soft amused quality coloring the words had the taller moving away to glance at the speaker. Red irises were partially concealed by heavy lids, an arm tucked underneath his head as support. Hiei was completely at ease laying in his bed and Kurama suddenly couldn’t remember how to breathe.

“I supposed yes… Was there something you needed?”

“Hn, still wasting all those years of knowledge I see.” With huff and slight curl to his lips that the kitsune was certainly not distracted by, the shorter demon rose stood. Lifting his arms in a stretch before donning his cloak, boots and sword. “I do have an appointment to keep Fox, hopefully the storm will keep at bay while I’m gone.”

“If not, you know my window is always open for you.” He had abandoned his reading and carelessly shut the book without saving the page, the move seemed to bring amusement to other occupant once more.

“If only there were something more convenient that was open to me.��� Opening the window Hiei hopped onto the sill, pausing for a moment and casting a long searching look into curious green eyes. “Perhaps one day when the kudzu is finally worn out its welcome there will be a hidden entrance elsewhere.”

Kurama sat alone in his room, the strange conversation and actions turning within his mind and the answer just out of reach. Collecting himself and shifting everything to the side for a moment, the human side of his brain was pushed to the back. If Hiei’s comments about his age and the kudzu vines were any indication he needed to think like a demon, like Youko. Hiei has referenced his life as the King of Thieves, knowledge gained during his reign would be mostly stealing something. Convenience could be a number of things, again leading to stealing something or maybe something else. The fire demon's mention of kudzu was interesting. If Kurama recalled correctly it was an invasive group of vines that strangled the plant flora and trees around it. The breeze distracted his attempt at puzzling out his partner's confusing actions, rising from the floor he crossed to the open window to close it. Luckily he noticed the small pouch before crushing it.

"Bad habit of leaving gifts without warning, some things never change." Kurama moved the pouch and closed the window completely, moving to his desk to inspect the contents. Inside there was a note and two seeds, their aura marking them as different species. Curiosity completely peaked and all other thoughts brushed aside as the redhead determined they were from Ningenkai and thus safe to pour a bit of his energy into to unfold the mystery of what the blooms would look like. The first grew until a bloom unfurled, black in color and with several smaller blooms in the middle. Thin tendrils sprouted from the middle as well fading from the black color to a white near the ends. Tacca chantrieri or the more common name, the black bat plant.

As intrigued as he was, Kurama set the plant aside in a spare pot and turned to the other seed. With one more burst of energy but more gentle the seed grew into a familiar shape. Glancing between the newly grown rose sporting stripes of cream and purple and the black plant, something was nagging at the back of his mind. Hiei was rather straightforward and blunt with most things, the only exception being… His feelings, oh. The rose was indeed beautiful but the knowledge behind the message made it breathtaking.

"I wonder if there's room in the garden out back."

---

Kurama knew it would take a time before his rather thoughtful partner would appear again and so he waited patiently, keeping a close eye on his newest additions and their welfare. Sooner than expected the ever elusive fire demon returned, occupying his window once more.

"I trust you didn't have to suffer the rain and that's why I haven't seen you in so long?"

"Hn." Not talkative but not opposed to idle chatter and maybe he could squeeze a couple of answers from the surly visitor.

"Well if you need a reprieve and some rest, I won't need my bed for the day." The redhead kept a playful tone, same as always while watching those crimson eyes scan his room to look for changes. They alighted upon the recent pot that had its home on the corner of his desk that housed a certain small but healthy black plant. Meeting the shorter demon's gaze head on, Kurama noticed it was guarded and calculating. A point in his favor to cement his theory. "The tacca chantrieri, I must say, is not the most common gift one would give. I've been wondering why you, of all people, would give me a black bat plant."

"I'm not wasting my breath. Is your mother due home soon?" Small deflection but the thoughts behind his eyes were still not very clear.

"No, she's out for a while yet. Feel free to use the bath and I can make you something to eat or heal as needed. Nothing has changed Hiei."

"At least I haven't outworn my welcome." Kurama felt it had been the wrong thing to say before the fire demon disappeared from his room. He needed to know if the gesture had the deeper meaning the older demon longed for but was unsure how to coax the truth from Hiei. Letting all the thoughts roam free from the last couple weeks, the plant wielder plucked a seed and bloomed his new favorite flower.

"If only you would be blunt this time…" A memory of his mother receiving a bouquet of roses from his step father came forth, there was a misunderstanding. Shiori was always overjoyed to receive flowers but one bouquet had made her concerned. It was a beautiful array of red, white and pink mixed but the number is what Kurama remembered concerning her. There had been fifteen instead of twelve for a solid dozen and what she had said back then had stayed with him until that moment when he finally understood.

"All colors have different meanings but when it comes to roses the number can be more important. Fifteen means 'I'm sorry’ so I thought you were apologizing for something."

After that he had spent his time with various books and recalling old information from his time before his human life to understand something his mother loved. With barely a thought, he reached a hand and grabbed a lesser used seed from his hair and helped it bloom with a burst of energy. The white bloom was pure in color and when laid across the other rose made a striking pair.

"Kurama, I found some-" The redhead turned his body slightly while still being seated in his chair. Hiei was staring intently at the pair of roses on his desk before his fire gaze met his calm and collected gaze. "Feeling sentimental fox?"

"I wouldn't say that, more like soulful."

With a snort the slightly shorter demon crossed the room and distracted Kurama from wondering when his friend had a growth spurt by pressing their lips together. Humming in contentment, he let Hiei break the surprisingly soft kiss with a grin.

"White really?"

"With all my soul." Another snort but this time there was no kiss, just a fond tug on his forelock and a small amused quirk of lips that made Kurama promise himself that wouldn’t be the only kiss between them.

[wienerbarnes]

Much Ado About Nothing (4/6)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1,608

Warnings: enemies to lovers, au series, some nervous thoughts, fruit

A/N: lot of steve in this one! and ooooo wedding next chapter👀

MAIN MASTERLIST | MUCH ADO MASTERLIST

Steve anxiously paces around the suite room that him and Sharon share, creating grooves in the floor waiting for her return.

As much as Steve loves fighting for what’s right, he hates this kind of confrontation.

She wouldn’t do this to me. Why would she do something like this to me? If she were cheating, why would she agree to marry me? Was it because there were a lot of people around? But, still, couldn’t she have told me in private if she wasn’t ready to get married, yet? It doesn’t make sense.

Every minute that passes feels like an hour and Steve can’t stand to just wait around for Sharon to get back from dinner. Or her affair. No! Her dinner! She can’t be cheating this has to be some kind of mistake!

“That’s it,” Steve doesn’t like infringing on the privacy of others, and he realizes that this makes him that kind of a fiancée , “F.R.I.D.A.Y., where is Sharon’s phone, right now? Can you track it? And where it’s been?”

“Yes, Captain. One moment.” The A.I. responds.

“Agent Carter’s private phone has been located at Le Bernardin, and has been at this location for approximately 114 minutes. Would you like me to contact her?”

“No! No! Don’t send anything! Thanks, F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

He was right! He knew Sharon wouldn’t cheat on him! And, as happy as he is to be assured of his future bride’s loyalty, an unanswered question still remains. Who were the people that John thought was Sharon and another guy?

Everything seemed a little… staged? He sees John every once in a while because he works in the lab with Bucky’s girl, but otherwise, he doesn’t really know anything about him. Why would he go out of his way to tell Steve his supposed affairs in his love life? Based on what Sam has told him, he’s not the kind of guy that’s just looking out for someone that way.

He knows John has struggled a bit around here, especially with everything that comes with having a brother that’s pretty famous. And because of all of this, he wants to believe John was doing this out of the goodness of his heart, but he just… can’t. Something just doesn’t feel right. Like it was being done on purpose.

“Is my wedding being sabotaged?” Steve asks aloud to the empty room.

…  

It’s a bit childish, he knows. Pretending to be asleep in their bed as he awaits Sharon’s return, her On My Way! text sitting unanswered on his phone. Jeez, he grew up picking fights with people twice his size and now fights Nazis for a living and he’s scared of an argument with his girlfriend. Or, fiancée .

So, he’s choosing to hide instead. He knows she would never be unfaithful to him, and that’s not what he wants to talk to her about. She’s so, so smart, and she can help him figure out who exactly is behind trying to create heat between them, and if it is John like he thinks, she can be the one to help him figure out what to do.

He suddenly hears her steps down the hall outside the room. He pushes himself deeper into the bed, hoping the mattress will swallow him whole so he can just emerge on his wedding day and not have to deal with the threat of someone trying to break the two of them up.

She removes her shoes at the door and even though he isn’t looking at her, he knows she’s taking off her earrings and moving towards the dresser to replace them in her jewelry box, as she always does when she gets home.

“Why are you pretending to be asleep?” She whispers into the dark room.

“How did you know?”

“You snore like a bear, babe.” She turns, a gentle smile on her face, and sits beside him on his side of the bed.

She leans down and pecks him on the lips as a hello, and he can smell the scent of bittersweet wine and cheesy pasta sauce, the smell of basil surrounding her. She smells like her favorite Italian restaurant, Le Bernardin, where she was tonight.

Any nerves Steve had has since vanished now that’s she’s pressed her sweet lips to his; her mere presence in the room calming him immensely.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on? Hope you’re not getting cold feet.” She scratches softly through his hair, and her joke comes out as just that - a joke. Because the thought of either of them having doubts about their love for each other is hilarious.

“I gotta tell you about something that happened tonight.” Steve finally tells her.

It’s time to get to the bottom of this.

…

You feel as though you might be more nervous than Sharon, the night before her wedding. You know she went out to dinner, and is probably cuddling with Steve on their last night together as fiancées. Meanwhile, you lie awake in your bed, the thought of going to a wedding so… displeasing.

You haven’t had the best luck with love. You’re grateful to not have encountered someone who hits you, but you have dealt with the manipulators, the gaslighters, the mental and emotional abusers, and the occasional stalker.

Other people tell you that not everyone is like that, and you tell yourself that, too. So you keep trying, keep dating, only to be disappointed once more. It’s exhausting. And it makes you hate love. And it clearly doesn’t seem to like you much, either.

So, as unbelievably happy as you are for your two best friends, you can’t help but dread tomorrow night. The light, dreamy colors of the ballroom, the sweet vows, the slow dances, the happy tears of pure joy.

You hate to admit because you know it’s wrong, but you’re jealous. And it’s less than twenty-four hours before the wedding and you don’t see how you’ll fix any of your problems in that time frame. So instead, you’ll lie here awake, lost in your thoughts, until you eventually fall asleep from utter weariness. And tomorrow, you’ll smile for your friends, and you’ll join in the dances, and then you’ll shed your own share of tears. But deep down, you won’t be able to help being a little sad.

What you think makes it worse, is that, as aware as you are based on your past experiences that relationships will fail you, you’ve done it to yourself again. And not only have you put yourself in the position again, but you’ve done it with someone who teased you, mocked you, and annoyed you ruthlessly here at the tower. You couldn’t have chosen better.

You hate relationships, you hate love, and yet, here you are, longing for one, wishing for one, dreaming for one, just looking for any kind of sign -

A soft knock echoes in your room and you glance at the small clock on your nightstand, 13:05. You roll over and stand up out of bed, your large shirt falling to cover midway on your thighs, socks padding across the floor.

You open the door to reveal Bucky, a pair of cotton shorts and a sweatshirt covering his own body, what you assume are his pyjamas, and he tucks a strand of hair behind his ear before asking,

“Do you like fruit?”

“... Did you knock at my door at one in the morning to ask me if I like fruit?” You ask.

“No. Well - yes. I, uh, I needed to make myself busy, so, I, uh, cut up some fruit, but now I have too much. Do you want some?” He explains. He almost looks… shy. And his shyness is what softens you enough to agree.

It’s a part of Bucky’s nightly routine to have trouble sleeping. And it’s been even worse over the couple of days now that he has so many new feelings to think about. To stress about.

The kitchen is silent as the two of you stand across from each other at the island, munching away at the mixed fruit cut into a large bowl.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did.” Stop being so catty! Just talk to him! No wonder your relationships fail, you’re always so mean!

“Why do you hate me?” He asks.

A small pause before you answer, “I don’t hate anyone.”

“Well, you certainly don’t like me.” He responds. You have no idea.

“And you certainly don’t like me.”

He picks up a piece of strawberry before replacing it back in the bowl. “Look. I only didn’t like you because you didn’t like me. What else was I supposed to do?” He argues.

“Well, I only didn’t like you because you didn’t like me! What was I supposed to do? I didn’t do anything to you!”

“And I didn’t do anything to you!”

Old habits die hard, the two of you realize as your bickering comes so naturally. He goes to continue the arguing when two people suddenly enter the kitchen and turn on the lights.

Steve and Sharon in their pyjamas stare at the two of you, anger clouded in your faces over what seems to be a bowl of fruit.

“Is that fruit?” Steve asks.

“We have a problem,” Sharon interrupts, “It involves the wedding and John.”

“The wedding?”

“Sam’s little brother?”

You and Bucky question, respectfully, the argument from before forgotten.

“I’ll explain, come on.” Sharon tells them before walking back towards the private rooms, seemingly to retrieve Nat, in order to get everyone’s help to figure out the next plan of action.

[pfreadsandwrites]

不名誉・Ignominy・一 (1/3)

AO3 LINK AND AUTHOR’S NOTES 

ACCOMPANYING SPOTIFY PLAYLIST

warnings: description of suicide, depression, violence, death, angst, father-son relationships, one-shot, 7k words

i.father /ii. son (tba) /iii. legacy (tba)

不名誉（romaji: fumeiyo) - dishonour

Nothing is here. Not time, not space. Just the ghost of a father, waiting for the ghost of a son. What else would limbo be for?

親はなくても子は育つ

Even without parents, children grow up.

The flame is incessant.

It rustles and crackles, never wavering, the only thing of note, of light, in this eternal aphotic abyss. It’s comforting somehow, the warmth of the fire. Energising. Igniting his soul in a way that he doesn’t mind this place, wherever it is, however long he’s been here. Paradoxically, he doesn’t feel it.

A spark escapes, but he doesn’t make to evade it. His bleary eyes watch on hopelessly as it disappears back into the obsidian.

Perhaps it’s more accurate to say he doesn’t begrudge it.

Limbo, is it? Sakumo figured. Certainly not the afterlife, not all of it. Bleak as it was, it was too… empty, too inconsequential, even for someone like him, someone who died like he did. He shouldn’t have expected anything more. He didn’t deserve anything more. It was fitting that even transferring from the physical realm to the spiritual isn’t straightforward, not for him anyway. It’d been too bold of him to assume he’d at the very least get that, even if he did only assume it for a moment.

When he considered the notion of his own death - and he had considered it - afterlife hadn’t really come into it. It didn’t matter, he’d decided. As long as he ceased to exist on Earth, what awaited him here was an afterthought. And he’d be remiss if he lamented it now, not after what he’d done.

There’d been no other way.

(But if that were true, why is he bound here? He knows nothing has ever been that simple. Surely there’s something missing, something he needs to atone for beyond his death? Or maybe-

The thought is snatched away before it forms fully, engulfed by the greedy fire before him)

Yes - no other way.

It’s of little comfort though, because it just means that he was always supposed to be here too, regardless. Waiting. He knows why. Ending things like that - no, how dare he be cryptic - when he plunged the blade into his stomach, swiped it along smoothly and keeled over. When he groaned in pain, torment and inure. When he expelled his guts and with it, his anguish and his anger - and his sins and his virtues, in the hope that no one else would bear them, especially not the little boy. When the the little boy that, despite acting more like a man, wouldn’t understand that this was all for him, the little boy that looked too much like him and too much like her, the little boy that meant everything, had discovered his father’s corpse.

Yes - no other way.

Necessary - incumbent, horrific, as it was, he has to take responsibility. Even if it means staying and suffering here for all eternity. He won’t let thoughts of regret enter his mind, let alone admit it out loud.

Whether what he did was fair, whether what led up to it was fair, is inconsequential. Justice doesn’t come into it. It’s honour. It’s what a shinobi does, what a man does, what a father does. If he can’t do even that for his son, then that flame can grow and swallow him up now for all he cares.

He owed Kakashi that much then, and he owes him that much now.

So he knows he can only accept, and wait. Morbid as it is to wait for your own son here, of all places, it’s the best he can offer him. It’s all he’s ever been able to offer him. He closes his worn eyes. The smoke from the fire envelops him and for a moment, it’s too real. He reminds himself there’s no point in coughing.

(How can he still feel so tired?)

Less than a fortnight after his own birthday, the child is born. He takes as much as he brings.

It’s quick - it seems barely minutes have passed before his wife’s cries were replaced with the newborn’s. Kicking and crying, a typical protest at being dragged away from safety and into this wretched world.

He waits outside (a shinobi has no place at a birth, after all), mission-worn, resting his bruised forehead on his clasped fists whilst his eyes are screwed shut. He knows better than to expect a perfect outcome, even if her determination wouldn’t accept anything less. But still, his ears strain of their own accord for the slightest hint of her voice camouflaged by the baby’s.

“It’s a boy. A healthy, beautiful boy,” the nurse says kindly, breaking him out of his prayer. Her eyes avoid his, and he can’t help but read too much into the hesitance in her words. So he attempts to ready himself for the impossible, but she continues. “Hatake-san, your wife-“

His breath hitches.

“She’s a fighter.”

The scene is alien, when he finally meets his new family, hunching over her bedside. She holds the infant close against her breast, nursing him with an exhausted, but enduring glow on her weary features. The tenderness that she’d previously only ever shown him seems to define her whole being now. The skill, the nonchalance, with which she’s transformed so flawlessly from a woman, from his wife, into a mother leaves Sakumo unable to do anything but watch awkwardly. It’s too pure an image, too different from all the ones he’s grown accustomed to. Completely natural whilst somehow equally ethereal. He knows he’ll sully it the moment he interrupts.

Luckily, she does it for him. She’s always been stubborn. Dragging him back for his sake, like she always does.

“Your son,” she states matter-of-factly, before dissolving it with a giggle. “Come meet him.”

He nods. Her smiles always were infectious. So much so that they both forget that it’s a miracle she’s still here. His large, marred hand brushes over the baby’s tiny head, his soft, clean silver hair, silver just like his. This is the son of the White Fang. Cruelly ironic, the visceral reminder that this boy was his, even in all his innocence and all his father’s battle scars.

Father - yes, he was a father. How long will it be, until his son sees his father for what he is? How long will it be until he turned out the same way? Fatherhood - his head suddenly feels too heavy to hold up, to bear it, just like his son’s.

As if she knows, she interrupts his internal doubt. “He looks just like you. If I were feeling just a bit pettier, I’d say it’s unfair,” she jokes. “Well, it’s not like it’s a bad thing.”

“No,” Sakumo dismisses quickly, and points to a mark next to the boy’s mouth. A black dot, placed so specifically it feels intentional. It’s easy to miss, but it’s there. Unwavering, unremovable. Just like her. “This is yours.”

Almost in agreement, the baby’s tiny fist clenches around his finger. His eyes widen, and she laughs. “Mm. And look - you’re his.”

He doesn’t say anything. He can’t say anything -  only marvel at how, for the second time, someone was just able to pull him away from himself and so close so simply and so impossibly.

He straightens his back.

“What do you think of the name Kakashi? You know, scarecrow to your crops?”

He grins. Strange how she always re-ignites his courage.“…It’s a good name.”

It’s dreamlike after that. The child grows quickly, and every day they both find new things to smile about, to love, about the baby and each other. Kakashi looks more and more like his father each day, and it exults his mother, even if she pretends otherwise. Each mission has Sakumo more reluctant to leave the sanctuary she created when she kisses him goodbye, but he returns quicker each time too. Their smiles are more motivation than he ever thought possible.

Nothing so idyllic would last so long, even if a child can convince you otherwise.

It isn’t long before her smiles disappear when she thinks his back is turned. When her colour disappears, her fingers tremble and she becomes lighter in his arms as Kakashi grows heavier in hers.  

Her infinite determination is only finite at delaying fate. Suddenly the always blunt, smart-mouthed woman is reticent, subdued. She’s never been good at apologising, but it’s all she seems to do now. To him, to Kakashi - even he, with his curious, intelligent eyes, seems to understand more for his age than he should. He becomes equally silent.

“Look after him, for the both of us, Sakumo. Watch him grow up. Please.” Of course he assuages her fears, even as his world falls apart, and as Kakashi takes his first steps a little ahead of them.

It’s earlier than normal, but by that point they come to expect it. His tiny feet tremble, and he thinks he might stumble, but he doesn’t let his parents see. He doesn’t cause more concern than he has to.

She takes her last breath before his first birthday.

Less than a fortnight after his father’s birthday, the child turns one. He takes as much as he brings.

The grooves around his eyes become deeper. The smoke feels real again. Sometimes he wishes he could choke on it.  

Still, he’s here. He’s waiting. Maybe he’s supposed to atone a little more before seeing her, too. The smile comes of its own accord, when he considers just what she’d say when she finds out he didn’t keep his promise quite like he was supposed to. Maybe she’ll forgive him, though not before scolding him. It makes the uncertainty of this vacuum more bearable, just barely.  Afterlife, when he does let himself ponder it, is one thing.

Her.

He’s not so proud to pretend that he has the nerve to face her without having something more to tell her about Kakashi anyway.

Would things have turned out differently, if she - He stops himself. He won’t make excuses. He still would have taken the mission, and he still would have failed it. He still wouldn’t regret failing it, either. And it still would have ruined the village, and ruined it for them in turn. He still would have had to resolve it, resolve it in that excruciating way. He has no right to put that burden on her absence.

It’s so foolish, devoid of foresight - but he never considered that he’d be the one raising a child alone. It’s cruel, when the realisation bites him. He’d never let himself ruminate on it, but the assumption had always been there. Underlying every farewell, every strike of his tanto, every homecoming.

He’d definitely die first.

That would have been easier, selfish as it sounds, but then, he’s never been destined for ease. Neither had she. But he can even accept that, if it means, somehow, in some twist of fate - it’s too sentimental, but he grants himself an allowance this time -  that Kakashi would have to bear a little less.

(Don’t get him wrong. He knows the fact that he’s here, that the fire is right there, waiting, to burn up his optimism incinerates that hope.)

The child catches on quickly.

Kakashi gives up crying for his mother, and soon gives up looking for her at all. It’s a response to that look Sakumo gives him, that maps his face involuntarily before the carefully chosen smile replaces it. It’s easier for them both if he pretends the last expression is the first.

Regardless, they manage, even if their home no longer feels like a home. There are sympathetic drop-ins on the poor widower and his baby, and again when the missions restart. Eventually he burns less food, Kakashi’s sleeping habits are less chaotic, and the house feels a little less empty. Soon, they’re affectionately thought of as the Hatake boys. You rarely see Sakumo without his pup.

The Hatake boys are nothing if not adaptable. Especially Kakashi. He grows quickly, too quickly.

He takes after his father, that’s what everyone says. And Sakumo lets himself believe it - the physical similarities are obvious, the boy is smart, precocious and he shows so much interest and talent for his pre-destined shinobi path that it’s mournful.

He knows he’s being idolised a little too much, but instead of quelling it, he succumbs to that wonder, that innocence in the boy’s eyes. God knows if this world has its way, it won’t be there much longer. And Kakashi’s in too much of a hurry to grow up, so he has to protect what little of it remains.  

It’s no wonder, though. He tries to shield him, from the praises, the adulations - hero, legend, genius - but it’s futile. Just as he’s about to explain that such words are tentative, that they might have a time limit, they both hear it again.

“Look! It’s the White Fang!”

“And his son! I bet he’ll be just as great.”

It’s forever chasing them. Kakashi’s not the kind of boy to ever outwardly hesitate, but he’s thoughtfully silent now.

He insists on wearing a mask by the time he’s four. It’s bizarre, but apparently ‘the quintessential shinobi wears a mask’.

(How the hell does he know the word quintessential?!)

But his logic is sound. Still, Sakumo can’t help but think it’s a response, cleverly disguised like the boy’s already learnt to disguise so much. Did he want to invite less comparison? So far, it hadn’t really helped. Or had Kakashi caught him glancing at the black dot near his mouth one time too many, that unforgettable, enduring reminder of her?

Regardless, he doesn’t fight back, even though it’s damn near impossible to find masked shirts for children and his homemade attempt makes Kakashi chortle in an unusually carefree outburst. He’s never been good at denying him anyway, just like he was never good at denying her. That’s another thing - the more he looks like him, the more Sakumo’s reminded of her.

He holds onto his hand after pestering him to take him to the training grounds, and to the academy entrance exam - flooring the invigilators, to Sakumo’s pride and horror - and back home again, tugging on his shirt, a familiar demand to hoist him on his back when witnesses are out of sight. He has that uncanny way of making him and only him feel needed, even if he’s too proud to say it. Just like her.

Kakashi’s independent, mature, self-sufficient - even a little arrogant. But it’s impossibly endearing, just like her. He’s blunt, too matter-of-fact and never understands why it’s a problem, no matter how many times he’s reprimanded, but it’s chalked up to his maturity and his talent rather than a personality defect. He’s too logical, and causes adults and children alike to scratch their heads in confusion and infuriation. It’s all too familiar. His mother’s influence is just as enduring in him as it ever had been, but it’s as subtle as that damn beauty mark.

The mask, too. How typical of her, how perfect it is, Sakumo thinks, when it finally dawns on him. It’s his way of revealing himself to others on his - and only his - terms. He controls how much you see of him, whilst he sees right into you.

The child catches on quickly.

The fire rustles again, but it’s remarkably hearth-like now. Cosy. Sakumo lets himself smile, and open his eyes again. There was an optimism, a warmth, in those days as well. It still hurt, but they managed, even enjoyed themselves. They made quite a team. Kakashi seemed more like a man than a boy, even when he was that young. It seemed natural to others, and Sakumo supposed it was, partly. But he tried so hard too.

Things had looked up for a while, as they so often do, when you hold so much promise. When you’re not a pariah. It all changed so quickly. He knew it would, from the moment he turned his back on his duty, even if he didn’t know what it would entail. But it never felt wrong either.

It felt hopeless instead. He’d have been a bastard either way. Better to be a bastard who made a mistake, whose softness led to a screw-up, than a heartless bastard who’d throw his friends away for bureaucracy, for a convenience. For something as constructed as a code of conduct.

Kakashi could recite every rule of Shinobi Conduct before he even entered the academy (Sakumo doesn’t even remember letting him learn) but had only stared up at him blankly when Sakumo tried to tell him he needn’t worry so much. His rigidity, his insistence on his black and white view of the world - though he always used words beyond his years, it was a stark reminder that he was still only a little boy. A little boy that didn’t understand he was a little boy was a difficult thing. A dangerous thing.

Still, he trusted that the boy, little as he was, would understand one day. That he wasn’t leaving him behind because he regretted it. But because it was hopeless, because he’d become unfit for his purpose, both as a shinobi and a father, whether it was right or not. Because though it hadn’t felt wrong, he still had to deal with the consequences. Maybe one day the land they were expected to throw away their lives for would be more forgiving. Maybe it’d take his death for them to start to see it.

(Did he die for honour, responsibility, cowardice or anger?)

The child raises himself.

He’s the talk of the town now that’s he entered the academy. A prodigy, they call him. He’s set to graduate and be a full-fledged shinobi within the year. Classmates and teachers alike fawn over him, though he’s somewhat aloof to it all, which only makes them flock closer.

(He’s too young!) Her disapproval seems to float from that world to this one. And he can’t disagree, even though there isn’t much he can do about it. It seems Kakashi’s born for it, that he’d have nothing if he didn’t have this. So he supports it, fully. Besides, Konoha needs all the talent it can find.

Even if it means depending on children.

His self-reliance is bittersweet, but Sakumo won’t deny that it makes it easier to leave. That even if he doesn’t come home, he can worry a little bit less.

Isn’t that what fatherhood is? From the moment it’s possible, to help him feel his independence, feel every risk whilst concealing your own fear, so that he knows he might bear every pressure of this wretched world, prepare him so that he won’t collapse under it and, if he’s lucky, become a man that others can rely on too? He knows he can’t protect him forever. And that there’ll be a day, sooner than he’ll expect (it always is), where he won’t be there at all, because he’ll be damned if he has to go to his own son’s funeral instead.

Still, he would have liked to protect the boy’s childhood just a little bit longer. But he’s always so insistent on giving away what little of it he has left. It’s hard not to be bitter - when he sees the children of civilian families running around without a care in the world. But that’s the point, he knows that. Someone has to sacrifice so they can even exist at all. To be the one to do that is an honour, in one way or another.

The missions are relentless. The boy knows that each goodbye might be his father’s last. He doesn’t have to explain it. Kakashi is always calm, always accepting, always mature, careful to give him a casual send-off. It’s curious though, the intense, hopeful stare Sakumo feels bore into his back as he walks away.

The missions go well. Sakumo cements himself again and again as a hero, the revered White Fang, and invites commendation wherever he goes. Kakashi works harder, bearing pride and pressure on his tiny shoulders to meet his aspirations.

The mission is a failure. Behind enemy lines, espionage and destruction. It’s doomed from its inception. Mistakes pile up, and eventually his comrades get themselves captured. All his training has taught him that it can’t be helped, that he must carry out his mission and toss them aside. But he can’t abide. It’s never been in him to turn his heart to stone, not completely, but it’s even more impossible now. When the little boy’s at home, waiting for his own special report. When he’s watching and analysing his every move. When he’s picked Sakumo as the model he puts all his energy into emulating. He has to learn it’s okay to break the rules sometimes, lest he learns that lesson himself the hard way.

So, thanks to Sakumo’s doing, no lives have been lost. They’re grateful, for now. But experience fills him with apprehension. The worst is yet to come. There’s just something in the way his heart palpitates without explanation, why the journey home is forebodingly silent.

He’s right. The consequences are dire. Not just for Konoha, but through the entire land.

He turns from the Leaf’s White Fang to a disgrace overnight.

How precarious it all is, being a hero, he thinks with a sardonic smile. How fickle they are.

The smiles and praise become glares and blame, from strangers and old friends alike. Save for a few, but it isn’t enough to influence the rest of them. The close-knit community, the idyllic home he’d risked his livelihood countless times to protect almost seems an illusion now. Maybe it’s naive of him, that he never realised that ‘home’ could be conditional. That all the good you’ve already done could be wiped away so easily by one mistake that there was no point trying to do good in the first place.

He only indulges the bitterness for a little while. It’s immature. A man should take responsibility for his actions, good and bad. He knows what he did, and he knows it directly led to more damage and destruction. He knows it’s his fault. He knows he ended up hurting the very thing he was supposed to protect, and he knows it was him who elected to take on that responsibility in the first place. He knows he has no right to self-pity.

But he also knows he doesn’t regret it - the action, not the situation. He knows that if he had the choice to go back, he’d do it again. He knows wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he knew he was the kind of man that could turn his back on his friends, no matter what he’s been taught. He knows he has to set an example.

And an example he is. Kakashi’s quieter than usual, at first. He acts as if he doesn’t hear the angry muttering, he doesn’t notice that the missions are dwindling down, that the lines chiselled around his father’s eyes span further and that his clothes hang a little looser. That hurts most of all. That he’s suffering, but he refuses to dwell on it. It’s either for Sakumo’s sake or because that’s what a shinobi does. He doesn’t know which explanation is worse.

Everyone has their limits, most of all little boys. He should have expected this sooner. Kakashi doesn’t badger him to come to the training grounds like he used to, but Sakumo’s the one insisting this time. He still has to try. Even if it takes more from him than it ever has before. But he has to feel like he can still do something, anything. The range of which seems to decrease by the day. When the boy topples to the floor after a badly timed kick, he slaps away his father’s hand.

“Why?! Why did you do that? You went against orders, and everything went wrong! They all say these horrible things now! You’re not supposed to-” Kakashi stops himself, panting. His little body struggles to keep up with his rage and his words.

Strange, Sakumo thinks, as his dreary eyes meet the boy’s tearful ones. His reprimands match those of the adults he’s no doubt heard, but he’s never sounded more like the child he is. How can he understand? It must feel like a punishment, for all the pride and admiration he’s held for him until now. To have it snatched away like that. He can only apologise, but a father has no right to expect forgiveness from his son. Still, Kakashi lets him hold him close, just this once.

Then one day, it happens.

Cruelty is cruelty, no matter the source and no matter the recipient, and it isn’t long before the son bears the sins of the father. Kakashi does the best he can to take it in his stride, as usual, but when Sakumo asks if he can walk him to the academy, the sacred, persisting ritual comes to an end.

“I can go myself. Don’t worry,” he dismisses, gently enough, but he barely glances back before disappearing, before Sakumo even responds. It seemed so long ago, when he’d say the exact same words but he’d smile under his mask and grab his hand. Now he seems like an adult, resigned and reluctant. Hurt and tired. Bearing so much, for everyone else’s sake. For Sakumo’s sake

Whether it’s out of self-preservation, pity - or worst of all, an attempt to spare his father from the villagers’ scowls, it’s unacceptable. They all mean the same thing. Pretending he’s still needed, that his existence isn’t superfluous, is exhausting both of them. And he’s slipped one level further. Kakashi never mentions it, but he knows being Sakumo’s son is akin to damnation now.

He’s holding him back. Kakashi’s still the talk of the academy, but it’s opposite in nature now. There’s no more talk of his progress, of his graduation, of the illustrious road he was so sure to have ahead of him. It’s all snatched away in an instant. Kakashi has no future as long as Sakumo keeps breathing. What father can live with himself knowing that?

Everything is so difficult now. Standing takes all he has. He feels like a fraud for even doing that, for anything he says, anything he does. A soul-sucking, lacklustre performance. Every bodily function only spirals him down further into an abyss. He’s a ghost among the living. He’s always wondering why the hell he’s still here. He’s been able to convince himself, to a point, that he should still fight, he should still eat - but it’s undeniable now. He’s a burden.

And as burdensome as he is, the most important thing still remains.

He’ll do whatever he has to for his son. That much he can do.

Anything that Sakumo regrets is out of his control. He’s never been able to control anything where it counts. Not her death, not the mission, not sparing Kakashi from any pain. He’s even failing at his own modest goal - to ensure that the boy has the tools to bear anything and everything he might have to. So he can’t say he regrets this. What he regrets is far beyond anything he can express. This is the only thing he can do now.

Kakashi rejects his offer to accompany him before he even makes it. But he hangs on for a second, long enough for Sakumo to whisper one sentence.

“I love you, kiddo. I’m sorry.”

The little boy stops - silently studying his father’s expression. But he doesn’t have the same energy he used to either, to draw any real conclusions from it, to have the patience for his father’s random lamentations.“What are you sorry for? I’m fine. See you.”

It’s surprisingly easy to put things in order. The note is succinct, but it’ll do what it’s supposed to. Lift the sins that stick unfairly to Kakashi’s scrawny back, if nothing else. His possessions have dwindled, his paperwork is minimal, the deeds on the house are finalised. He’s determined to leave this world with as little fuss as he deserves, as he can manage. It’s the least he can do.

Then, Sakumo kneels, and takes out his tanto. The tanto that’d accompanied him as long as he could remember. Something he inherited from his father when he became a genin. Something he’d give to Kakashi as a graduation gift.

Who says a gift can’t be posthumous? It’s the same blade that’s going to wash away his and its sins. It’s ready for a reset with new honour, a new owner.

He inhales. He closes his eyes. He plunges the blade into his gut. It sinks in smoothly. The pain starts, spreading slowly and surely through his body like electricity. He exhales. He glides it along. It moves easily. Everything empties and he is exalted. His body, his being, his soul. His sins. His virtues. His love, his hate. His joy and his rage. His life and his death. He’s gone now, fading away into the whiteness. The warrior’s body is meek, inconsequential as it falls unceremoniously on its side.

And just like that, the boy is pure once again. He’s his own, as he should be. He’s no longer just the son of the hero-turned-pariah (maybe it was better to have never been a hero at all?), but Kakashi. Kakashi the prodigy. Kakashi the genius. Kakashi who he trusts will understand all this one day. That his father isn’t so wrong in what he did, but he knows he still has to do this, he still has to make up for it. They’re all just victims of circumstance. That he’s sorry, and that he loves him more than anything, but the last thing he needs is a father like him. He’s already doing so well. And he’ll do better now. After all, he’s never needed him.

The child raised himself.

The fire’s rustling becomes louder as the flames grow larger. A welcome distraction, Sakumo chuckles to himself. It’s almost as if he’s not supposed to concentrate on his mistakes and shortcomings.

(Or maybe the embers somehow know he doesn’t really want to)

Everything had seemed so urgent back then. Hasty. Not like now, where he’s neither here nor there, there’s no past and no future.

It must have seemed cruel, on the surface, he admits that. And his justifications probably seemed like excuses, like cowardice. He has the clarity to see that now. But it didn’t make them feel any less true, not at the time.

It was the best thing for Kakashi, how could it not have been? Not only that - he pauses, before he finally lets himself admit it. It was a relief. He was just so tired.

(But he’s still tired now. It’s just more bearable.)

Did any of it work? Or had it all been in vain? As much as he held out hope that when Kakashi did come here - and he would - he’d have been older, lived a long life of love. Where the village respected him, praised him, honoured him. Maybe with a family too.

(…Could any of that have happened if he’d stayed alive?

No. The answer has to be no.)

Or had he ended up too similar to his father?

Regardless, he knows why he’s here now. No matter how it turned out after, he did what he did. And he has to take responsibility for it. It’s all so much more demanding than he thought it would be. He chose death to take responsibility, and now he has to do the same for his death.

But then again, a father has no right to expect forgiveness from his son.

Especially not one like him.

The flame settles down. It’s calmer now, like its wish has been granted, like it’s satisfied.

It won’t be long now.

And as usual, he’s right. Soon, he hears footsteps. They’re measured, relaxed, but emphatic.

“That you, Kakashi?” Sakumo affirms, but he doesn’t know why. He already knows. Just like Kakashi doesn’t seem surprised to see him, or even be here at all.

“So this is where you’ve been,” Kakashi answers just as superfluously.

The deep voice should have thrown him, it should have been unfamiliar, but everything seems to make sense. Everything is natural. Everything is easy.

He’s a man now. Another superfluous statement, one Sakumo doesn’t voice. But here he is. He’s grown, a different person from the one Sakumo knew. But it still seems like he knows him, like he never really stopped knowing him. As if time has been the obstacle between them. He looks more like him now, even though he’s still wearing that damn mask. It’s amusing, the way his stubbornness appears to have persisted for no reason at all. It’s typical. There’s a scar across his eye. There’s a story there, as there always is. He carries himself with a rare combination of decorum and drudgery. Subtle acquiescence, controlled to his core.

“Will you tell me your story?”

He knows it’s only a pale substitute for not laying witness to it himself, but Kakashi seems happy to oblige. He agrees, joining him at the fireside. It rustles in approval.

“Yeah. But it’s a long one. I want to tell you everything.”

Sakumo agrees.

Kakashi’s smile is so relaxed, so wide that it’s visible - that he may as well be that same little boy again. It’s even a little bit contagious. “So, Dad…”

The conversation flows like water. Kakashi is unrestrained, serene, even as the terrible stories come out of him. Though they’re not all terrible. Some have Sakumo hanging his head in shame, others have him laughing out loud with a freedom he hasn’t had in years. Some are ridiculous. Some are stupid. He talks as if they’re not - as if they’re just that, stories. Happenstance.

But still, the terrible ones are the most memorable ones. It’s shocking, how much he’s been through. How many times he’s been failed, how many times he’s failed. How he’d been through more before puberty than most had been through by their deaths. The boy was always destined for that, though. He’d graduated not long after Sakumo died, and was promoted again within a year after. It’s only a few years after that that he makes jounin, the same rank as his father. Most everyone important to him is gone by then too. He’s made a name for himself as a legend, as a hero, even as the disgrace’s son. And he’s made sure to pass on all the lessons he’s learnt.

He doesn’t expect sympathy, or pity. He’s long made peace with it - well, to the extent he can. He’s just never had anyone to tell this to, without judgement. With ease. Where it’s streamed out of him without thought. Where he’s not using his pain as a warning for others, to try and protect others. Just the kind of acknowledgement you want from your father.

Gone is his cocky demeanour - Sakumo knew it would probably have to some day, but he’d hoped he wouldn’t have to go through so much to learn that lesson. Instead, there’s a humility about him, an ease. If she were here, she’d say Kakashi��s even more like him, and scoff at the injustice.

It’s like he’s happy to be here. Sakumo doesn’t know if it’s just the situation. Kakashi doesn’t seem like he’s ever done this before - but then, how could he? It’s the comfort you can only have with a father, and Sakumo’s grateful that he’s still considered one. But he can’t help but wonder if Kakashi’s smiling because he’s happier to be dead.

He acts older than he is, sometimes. He always did, but it has more weight now that he’s grown. Sakumo points it out, but Kakashi just chuckles.

“This job ages you. I feel older than I am.”

He can’t argue with that.

Soon, the conversation turns to other things. Philosophies, mutual experiences, women. He’s a little more subdued on that last one. He hesitates now, he’s more cryptic. There does seem to be one, Sakumo figures that much, though Kakashi’s reluctant to call it that. He isn’t as open out there as he is here. It’s no wonder. Everything that’s meant anything has been snatched away regardless of his will. Still, it seems that she’s a source of infuriation and confusion. She’s stubborn, but endlessly kind. She sees through Kakashi’s reluctant attempts at distance, and he’s drawn to her, whether he likes it or not. He shows absolutely no regret for being dead, but the only clue of it is when he talks about her. Sakumo lets it end there.

Eventually, they both have to acknowledge it. How miserable their lives have been, how they’ve died so young. A cursed pair. The burden of the suicide hangs over them both, their stories and their fates, like a cloud, in this strange place that has no sky.

“You did the best you could. You knew what the consequences would be, but you chose your friends anyway,” Kakashi says first. He’s only stating facts, but they’re heavy on his tongue. His gaze is locked on the fire ahead, and his voice takes on a gruff timber, one that ensures Sakumo of the depth of his words. He pauses.  “And I understand you. I’m proud to be your son now.”

Sakumo’s eyes widen.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

It’s all he can say. After everything, it’s too much, too difficult to accept. It took hearing it to actually realise it, for the weight he’s carried on his shoulders for so long to begin to dissipate. It’s not entirely dissimilar to the first time Kakashi had wrapped his tiny fist so fiercely and as-a-matter-of-factly around his finger all those years ago. Where his confidence and courage promptly returned. He never knew he needed it so badly, that it would be more freeing than his death was -  forgiveness - even if he was never going to ask for it.

It’s a miracle, but somehow, it’s happened. He’ll never admit it has anything to do with him, but Kakashi’s grown. He’s grown well. He’s learnt everything he hoped he would, and he’s more than he could have ever hoped. It wasn’t easy. Life had put him through the wringer to say the least - that much was obvious before Kakashi even joined him at the fire. But he did it. He managed.

A father’s most important and most horrible duty is to leave their children to the wilderness - was that how the old adage went? He can’t remember. But they have to, because he won’t be there forever, because the world will eat them alive if they don’t. You offer up your only son up to the world, in the hopes it won’t chew him up and spit it out, and that he might come out better for it.  It’s as much of a horror as it is an honour. He didn’t mean to leave him that viscerally, and he’s still so sorry - but he can’t deny that for the first time in God knows how long, he feels lucky. He doesn’t deserve Kakashi’s forgiveness, for him to grow up to be the man he is, but here he is.

Still, Kakashi’s a little too eager to come here. It’s the most wrenching thing about this, that he seems too comfortable, that he seems to have been waiting for his death. It’s the only thing he can’t accept, as a father. He doesn’t want to accept that his son’s life has been that miserable, with so little to show for it. Even if he seems satisfied to be here.

Before he can even voice it, a light emerges, starting at Kakashi’s core and soon engulfing his entire being. The fire beside them stills for a moment, but then it sizzles with a vengeance. He turns to his father in shock, looking for an explanation in the wordless way a child does.

Sakumo provides it immediately. He’s not sure, but he wants it to be true. “My guess is… It’s too soon for you. There must be something you still have to do.”

He doesn’t offer any explanation as to what, but it has to be true. He should get more than he has. He can’t be so happy to come here. They both could’t have been in such a hurry to die. It’s too tragic, too terrible. A son shouldn’t be lonelier than his father.

Kakashi ruminates on it, and he suddenly looks like the young man he is. Not a tired war veteran. It’s even more obvious how untimely this all is.

But it hasn’t been meaningless.

“I’m grateful we had a chance to talk. Thank you forgiving me. Now I can move on, and finally see your mother again,” he continues.  I’m proud of you too, Sakumo thinks, just like he thought so many times during the boy’s childhood, and countless times during this strange meeting. But he has no right to say it. Still, Kakashi looks at him with those same wide eyes from all those years ago, heeding his words with the same awe.

The harsh, green glow rips Kakashi away from this world and back. Just like his birth. Sakumo smiles and stands, the stretch alighting and aching through his soul - it feels physical, even though he’s no longer corporeal. Tall, encouraged, proud and determined.

(It’s been so long since he last stood.)

It won’t be long now. He has his own exit now.

The fire suddenly quickens, expanding, expanding, expanding, fighting for its last breath, its rustling turning into a desperate roar, sparks flying out past the wood - until at long last, its energy dwindles. It hisses in protest.

Instead, there’s a new warmth. Somewhere, somewhere far away yet somewhere so close. An amused, feminine hum of his name travels through his being and invigorates his soul. He smiles.

The flame flickers out.

親はなくても子は育つ

Even without parents, children grow up.

[i-like-5sos]

First Time Saying “I Love You” [4/4 ]

Pairing: Each 5SOS boy X reader  

Word count: 3152

Warnings: Absolutely none. Pure fluff.

Summary: Four different scenarios where each of the boys confess their feeling for you for the first time. 

Michael

“What did I miss?” You ask as you walk back into your living room and reclaim your spot laying down on the couch across form Michael, resting your legs on his.

“They decided to tear the support beam down and now they’re all pissed cause the upper floor is starting to cave in.” He replies, eyes glued to the renovation show you two put on as a joke earlier in the week because you couldn’t decide what to watch- but are now somehow invested in.

“Morons” you say shaking your head at the TV while laughing.

As the two of you become entranced by the do-it-yourselfers, you both melt deeper into the couch, becoming one with the cushions. A usual occurrence for the two of you, as you both prefer staying in and vegging out with one another to going out and partying. You two have powered through so many series on Netflix that you’re sure you’ll run out of new shows to watch before the end of the year, so it comes as no surprise when the screen shows you other shows you might be interested in as the credits roll on the screen at the end of the season finale of the home renovation show.

“Oh my god. How do they just end a show like that? They literally didn’t even show us what colour paint they picked out for the kitchen.” You complain loudly. “I mean the least they could have done is give us a preview of what’s to come next season. Honestly!”

You ramble on mindlessly about the show as the previews for other shows being to play automatically, only to pause when you hear Michael mumble something softly.

“What?” you ask, trying to recall what he had said.

“Nothing” he smiles softly, his cheeks a slight shade of pink. “I- uh think we should watch this one.” He says quickly, as he searches awkwardly around the couch for the remote and pressing the select button once he finds it under his back.

You turn your attention away from him and try to focus on the introductory credits of the show Michael put on when you suddenly clue into what he had said. I love you. You played it back in your head and you were sure of it. Returning your gaze to the still-blushing boy beside you, you knew heard right. But the moment had passed, and he was now discussing the outfit choice of one of the characters on the television.

***

Two months after the unacknowledged “I love you” drop, you find yourself almost asleep, laying in Michael’s bed with his arms wrapped around you. Your breathing is soft and steady with his as you hear him softly say your name.

“Are you awake?” He whispers quietly.

Too tired to respond, you just leave him to talk as you focus on listening and trying to stay awake long enough to hear what he has to say.

All is quiet, and you begin to believe he’s given up and will just tell you whatever he has to say in the morning.

“I love you.” He breathes, almost too quiet to hear.

Your eyes open as your heart skips a beat, and you roll over to face him. His arms loosen around you, and as your eyes adjust, you take in the look of shock on his face.

“I- uh… I thought you were asleep” Michael says, clearly embarrassed and very vulnerable having exposed his feelings.

“Michael, I love you too.” You smile, leaning in to kiss him.

 Luke

You look around your colourfully lit bedroom as you mindlessly play with the rings on Luke’s hand as the two of you sit together on your bed. You’ve always loved the look of Christmas lights on your walls and the calming feeling they provide.

“I’ve got an idea” Luke says, suddenly breaking the comfortable silence between the two of you.

“What’s that?” You ask, tuning your attention to look at the blue-eyed boy laying on the bed next to you.

“Let’s play Three Truths.” He suggests.

The two of you have been playing Three Truths since you first started talking. You had once suggested that you both play “Two Truths and A Lie” but he had insisted that he didn’t want you both to have to lie to one another, thus Three Truths was born. Together, you and Luke had decided that the only rule for the game was that everything you say must be true, and the other person couldn’t react to what you say until your turn ends. The two of you hadn’t played that game for a while now, but you were always open to learning more about your boyfriend.

“Okay, sure!” You say, excited to hear what he would come up with.

“You go first.” He says with a soft smile.

“I totally wasn’t prepared for this” You shake your head, “but let’s go with um… Okay, I’ve got it. Truth number one: I don’t want to have leftovers for dinner again tomorrow night. I would rather you cook something.” You watch as he shrugs and nods his head. “Truth number two: I sometimes untune your guitars because I think it’s hot watching you tune them… and truth number three: I think I want to dye my hair again.” You twist the rings on his fingers before looking at him again.

“Do you really do that to my guitars?” He asks in disbelief.

“Sometimes.” You flash him an apologetic smile and laugh as he shakes his head.

“What am I going to do with you.” He says, before kissing you on the forehead.

“Luke, it’s your turn.” You point out with enthusiasm.

“Alright… Let me think” His brow furrows as you watch him try to come up with something truthful to say. “Okay, I’ve got it! Truth number one: I ate the last of your chocolate bar this morning while you were asleep.”

“I knew it!” You shout and push him gently with your free hand.

“Hey! No talking! Wait your turn.” He interjected pointedly.

You raise your hands in a signal for him to continue before resting them in Luke’s again.

“As I was saying, truth number two: I actually didn’t mind getting that pedicure with you last week and I think I want to go again… and truth number three-“ He pauses and looks into your eyes before quickly looking down at your hand in his. “Um… truth number three is that I love you.”

Your face lights up as you release your hand from his to grab his face and pull it in for a kiss. He responds by wrapping his arms around you and pulling your body against his, falling back onto the bed. You lay there kissing one another for what feel like an eternity before you break apart and look into his eyes.

“I love you too.” You say, causing a smile to break across Luke’s face before he pulls you back into another kiss.

 Calum

Groaning loudly, you slam the front door and begin kicking your shoes off. Your goal: the couch. You plan to lay on the couch all night, ignore the world, and try to pretend that you didn’t just work a day from hell. Your eyes meet the pillow covered couch, and just as you begin to walk over to the only thing that could make your day better, your phone rings. Sighing, you look down to see the familiar nickname and face of you boyfriend, Calum, light up the screen. You instantly smile and soften up the slightest bit. Maybe the couch wasn’t the only thing that could make your day better.

“Hi baby” you say with your best ‘I didn’t just have a shitty day’ voice.

He’s quiet for a moment. “What’s wrong?”

Of course he can tell you’re upset. You continue your journey to the couch, and as you sit down, you let out another sigh and begin to tell him about your horrible day at work, your asshole bosses, and your realization of a mistake you’d made yesterday that you had to fix today, causing you to now be a day behind in your work. He listened attentively the entire time and once he knew you were done, he comforted you with the exact words you needed to hear.

“We should go on a hike. Get some of that negative energy out.” He suggests after filling your ears with his reassuring words

You look at the couch under you and pat it a few times, silently saying an ‘until next time’ to it before getting up and agreeing to have Calum pick you up after you’ve changed out of your work clothes.

***

Your fingers are intertwined as the two of you walk through the unfamiliar wooded trail on the outskirts of the city that Calum had found on his phone. If Duke playfully running around smelling all of the new scents on the trees and rocks that surrounded you wasn’t enough to make you smile, the mindless babblings of Calum certainly was. He was always so passionate about whatever he was talking about, even when he was talking about nothing. This was definitely one of those times. You listen to him as he goes off about how hard it must be to be a squirrel in the winter, having to find the food that they had hidden so long ago, especially with all of these other selfish squirrel’s stealing from each other. Normally you would try to step in and try to stand up for the other squirrels, telling him they needed to eat too, but during his ramblings, your mind has wondered back to all the work you still had left to complete, and you just don’t have the energy.

He must have noticed your lack of a rebuttal to his blatant disregard for the other hungry squirrels because he had stopped walking and was now looking at you with an empathetic gaze.

“You still upset about work?” He asked, squeezing your hand softly.

“It was just such a shitty day Cal. I don’t mean to bum you out. I should have just stayed home.” You drop your head and exhale deeply.

“No no, this is exactly what you should have done today.” Calum says, as you feel a tug at your arm. “Come with me.”

You tour behind him in your own pity party of one as he leads you off of the trail, towards a nearby cliffside.

“This is the perfect spot.” He beams, gesturing to the open cliffside in front of you.

“Cal? That’s a little dark, don’t you think?” you say before peering over the edge of the small cliff to the hill of trees below you.

“Are you ser- no ohmigod.” He laughs “Come on, we’re going to try something my mom showed we when I was younger. Whenever I was having a bad day, she would always bring me to places like this and tell me to yell out the first thing that comes to mind, and to keep yelling until there was nothing left to yell about. My throat would always be killing me by the end of it, but I would always feel better. I want you to try it.” He squeezes your hand again and smiles hopefully at you.

You really didn’t want to be here, yelling your pointless work problems out to the world and feeling like a moron, but the smile on your boyfriend’s face and the admission of the personal memory he shared with his mother was enough to make you do anything. You look at him apprehensively before turning your attention to the trees below you.

“I… uh…” You look back at Calum and he smiles softly at you before nodding. “I sometimes hate my job” you say in a not-quite-yelling tone.

“Come on baby, you’ve got to yell it! Here, like this: I wish duke would stop peeing on my shoes every time I leave him alone in the house!” He yells out, making Duke jump a little at the mention of his name before he continued to smell the mossy tree next to Calum.

You let out a chuckle at the purity of his smiling face after he yelled out his complaint.

“Try it again.” He encouraged before kissing your cheek.

You take a deep breath and follow his lead “I am so mad at myself for being so far behind in my work all because I made one small mistake yesterday!”

You feel embarrassed yelling it out, but at the same time you begin to feel slightly better. Although, the smile on Calum’s face could be aiding you just as much.

“There should be an easier way to parallel park!” He shrugs and laughs when you shoot him a confused look.

“My feet hurt from wearing heels all day! Business dress codes are stupid!”

“I’m a little worried we could be eaten by mountain lions on our way back to the car!”

“I’m a little worried about my boyfriend being a moron!” You let out a loud laugh at the scowl Calum gives you.

“It could happen, you know.” He mumbles.

“On a hiking trail next to a big city? I doubt that.” You say giggling softly. “It’s your turn.”

You watch as he begins to smile again, blushing slightly.

“I think I’m falling in love with my girlfriend!” He bites his bottom lip softly before smiling sheepishly at you.

You return his smile and pull him in by the hand, kissing him tenderly.

“I love you” he says against your lips.

“I love you too, Calum.” You reply as his arms wrap around your waste.

Ashton

You gasp out for air after swimming up from the bottom of your backyard pool and look around for your boyfriend. Your eyes lock onto the Ashton-shaped figure quickly emerging from the water a couple of feet from you. You smile widely at the soaking wet raven-haired boy as he treads the water and brushes the hair from his eyes with his hands.

“I win!” you shout enthusiastically and use your arm to splash a wave of water at Ashton.

You watch as he ducks under the water again to avoid your splash. When he resurfaces, he shakes his head.

“Okay that’s not fair. You were supposed to count down with your fingers, not in your head. That was the agreement to letting you count!” He raises his arm back at you indicating the tidal wave of water that will -no doubt- be headed you way any second. “And another thing!” He shouts while simultaneously slashing his arms through the water at you, “What happed to our no splashing deal?!”

“Sorry, Irwin. I’m hearing a lot of excuses but I’m not seeing any winning. If the counting is that big of an issue, you can count… but just the one time.” You stick your tongue out at him as water drips down your face. “Also, no splashing deals are for pansies.”

Just as you see his arms begin to raise to send more water your way, you dive under the water and swim over towards him. You submerge face to face with Ashton and place your hand on his cheek before giving him a quick peck on the lips.

“One more time and we can do something else.” You say smiling and swimming back to your previous spot.

“Deal” He agrees.

The two of you count down from three then begin to swim towards the bottom of the pool at the same time. Once at the bottom you open your eyes to find his looking back at you. You turn your attention to his right hand as he then holds five fingers up, and you nod at him. You watch as he uses his hand to count down from five, and as he his final finger drops, you both use your legs to shoot up off the pool floor up towards the surface of the water. Once there, you quickly wipe the water away from your eyes to see Ashton already above the water, smirking at you.

“How’s that for winning?” He snickers.

“I demand a recount!” You shout.

“No can-do babe. You said it yourself, we’re doing something else now.” He winks before swimming to the shallow end of the pool. “We could play that lip-reading game from last week if you’re up for losing some more.”

“If that’s the game we’re playing then you know I’m not the one that’s going to be losing, right?”

You follow him into the shallow end and smile to yourself. Last week when you had played this game, he couldn’t guess a single thing you had mouthed to him, whereas you had guessed everything he had mouthed with ease.

“We’ll just see about that.” He says, settling into a spot in front of you. “Ladies first.”

The two of you drop under the water and wait a moment for your eyes to adjust. Once you were both ready, you quickly think of something to mouth at him.

“Octopus” you mouth, before blowing bubbles out of your mouth and heading back up.

Once at the surface again you can’t help but laugh at the pure confusion on his face.

“Uh.. ‘On the bus’? He guesses shrugging his shoulders.

You shake your head “Nope! Octopus!” You laugh again as his face deadpans and he rolls his eyes. “Okay your turn!”

You both drop and he mouths what is obviously “potatoes” to you and you both go up for air.

“Potatoes!” You shout.

“You must have some kind of mind reading ability you’ve been hiding from me” he says and nods to confirm your guess.

You drop for a third time and you mouth out the word “cactus”.

“You totally said tip-toe” He says confidently once out of the water again.

“Ashton… do your eyes even work?” You joke “I said Cactus.”

“Oh, whatever.” He laughs “I’m making this one harder for you.”

“Bring it on.”

The two of you duck under the water again, and as the water settles you look at Ashton, waiting for him to mouth his new word. You watch as his mouth moves, and you study the words that he mouths to you carefully. You play it back in your head a couple of times to make sure that you were right about what he had mouthed.  Once above the water, you stare at him for a moment before stating your guess out loud.

“I love you?” You ask, slightly weary.

His smile is infectious as he nods at you.

“A little straightforward, aren’t we? Well, I guess I love you too.” He chuckles and swims towards you before cupping your chin in his big hands.

You laugh at the very ‘Ashton’ way of confessing his feelings for you, before kissing him deeply.

[angelkurenai]

Imagine Jake thinking you want to break up with him and are hiding it from him only to realise that the only secret you have is that you’re pregnant.

It had been weeks, if not months, of it all. Months preparations. Months of brainstorming. Months of inspiration, writing and synthesizing and recording. Months in the studios, behind cameras, in front of cameras, recording and singing. Months of worries and nerves and anxiety and some tears of frustration. Months of... love, though, too.

Months of staying in bed till the late hours of the morning, till noon very often, with you in his arms as he hurried to write down the next lyrics that came in your mind. Months a sweet mess of kissing, loving, tender touches as he expressed how proud of you he was and admiring you – and if he took a bit of extra pleasure in the way your cheeks turned different shades of red in the meantime then he was guilty. Months spent listening to your singing, prying you to sing those songs you kept a secret from him because you insisted were a surprise, the giddy feeling in his heart growing as did his pride once more – and if he took a bit extra pleasure in it that you had written songs specifically for him then guilty again he was but he'd gladly admit it, say it to the rest o the world, that it was all for him.

It had been months and it all passed in what felt like a blink of an eye. Your album, the fifth in a row, had taken longer than the previous ones to come out because of how hard things had been for you. Jake didn't like to think that it was on him, but he hoped and prayed that he had played some part in helping you stand on your feet again. Even if it was in the slightest – and your songs, which you had clearly admitted were for him even though he had not listened to all of them yet, confirmed that – it was to day the biggest achievement in his life. He was in a way part of the album himself and part of you as he enjoyed the love your fans all around the world showered it and you with.

There was not a single thing about it all that did not make his heart soar. That is, except for the part of a video which he was currently watching with his heart sinking deeper and deeper with each word.

I know you're thinking I'm heartless I know you're thinking I'm cold I'm just protecting my innocence I'm just protecting my soul

It took him a couple seconds, in between the wonderful beat, your captivating voice and stunning looks which he couldn't get enough of – the way you radiated, pure happiness written all over your face with your smile brighter than it had ever been at the beginning of the video – he had almost missed the lyrics. He had not heard the song before, so he guessed it had to be new and one of those you had kept a secret from him.

I'm never gonna let you close to me Even though you mean the most to me 'Cause every time I open up, it hurts So I'm never gonna get too close to you Even when I mean the most to you In case you go and leave me in the dirt

And that was not the kind of sweet, loving lyrics he had imagined. You were not one to write the kind of love songs he could easily find all around, but there were always true emotions into your songs and the lyrics, the music and your singing always managed to convey that. It was so unlike that now.

As was the way he felt.

But every time you hurt me, the less that I cry And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry And every time you walk out, the less I love you Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true I'm way too good at goodbyes (I'm way too good at goodbyes)

The lump in his throat felt almost painful. He couldn't swallow and his lungs were protesting because of the lack of air but he couldn't find it in himself to take a breath in or let a breath out. It felt like if he dared even part his lips any moment now a sob would break through and it would really be the worst time possible. Not to mention it would be irrational or even worse stupid. You would certainly think so if you saw him react like this. It was stupid, the more he thought of it, to be so affected by a song in this way, to feel like his heart was breaking slowly but surely with each second passing by as if you had told him straight in his face that things weren't right between the two of you anymore. It was just a song, there was no reason for him to react the way he was and as grown adults talking it out was what should be done, he knew it, yet... the mere thought of it made him feel more nauseous than listening to the song. You always wrote about what you felt, what you were thinking or going through. Even if he wanted to believe that this was the happiest moment of your life, your song didn't really say the same.

Even more, scarily so, the fact that it was your relationship that was the reason behind such a song only verified his fears that you wanted to leave him. It made him dizzy.

At least pausing it luckily managed to calm down his shakily beating heart and the echo in his ears, even if the rush of blood still felt too loud. No more so than the scary jump his heart did at the prospect of talking with you. He'd have to, he knew it, even if the prospect filled him with dread.

He realised that he would but only when the time was right, he didn't have to rush into it. He could think things through and maybe even, funnily enough, when he got a sign that it was the right moment he'd talk with you about it. Hopefully that sign would take forever to come though, a small part of his hoped so. Just because he knew he should didn't mean he was ready to, more fear creeping in at the possibility that that talk would be the perfect opportunity for you to end it for good.

So it was fair to say, he nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a fluffy pillow make contact with his face, only to hear your laughter following soon afterwards.

“And here I thought that the whole thing was a joke. Does a woman have to get naked to get her man's attention after all?” you scoffed, seriously yet with a look of playfulness on your face that didn't seem to register in his mind “Shame, Gyllenhaal, I thought you were different. You used to not be able to take your eyes off me even when I was in my old sweats. Maybe I'll have to reconsider about how perfect out relationship really is.”

“I uh- I'm not- It's not wh- I was only-” the wrong choice of words as well as the timing had him scrambling for words. What could he really say? He could take this for a sign but he felt like the situation was far from right – if not he was far from prepared – to speak about it.

You spared him the effort though when you laughed and leaned over the bed to peck his lips “You're so fun to mess with, you know. So, aren't you gonna tell me what you've been up to? Or I could get naked to make you say it, though you know that'll be more of a torture for you than fun. Your choice.”

He could get lost in your eyes and the way they were sparkling with mischief, your grin was almost always intoxicating. But at the very moment, despite how much he wanted to get drunk in you, the small voice in the back of his head brought him back to the harsh reality faster and more shockingly than a bucket of ice cold water being dumped on him.

“No” he forced a smile on his lips, praying it look believable enough “I don't think there's any need for that. In fact I-” he let a small breath as he got up and made his way towards you.

You paused mid-movement, in the process of changing clothes, frowning when he wrapped his arms around you and buried his face in the crook of your neck. He took a deep breath in and squeezed your middle, only to make your smile fade a bit.

“I think I like this better.” he mumbled against your skin before after a few long seconds he pulled away to stare into your eyes “It's been a long time since we've had this. In complete silence that is. In peace.”

“You know I would never complain but... didn't you have plans for today already?” you asked slowly, placing your handson his chest.

“I... know. But I could just cancel. It's your first day off after the album came out and all the singing that...” he paused, bringing a hand up to trace his fingers over your cheek with a touch light as a feather. He tried not to think that this could be one of the last times he did this, tried not to think that he was actually memorizing your features in case tomorrow was the last he saw of you. “I don't want to walk out on you.” the words came rushing out of his lips before he could stop it “I- I never want it, even when I do so. I almost hate myself those times, I want you to know that.”

“I do but-” you shrugged, avoiding his eyes because you both knew that with both of your careers in the way, you had lost many opportunities and important moments other couples could so easily have “I'm alright with it, I'm used to it. I don't have a problem with you walking out.” you emphasized as if quoting him. You meant it to lighten the mood but his frown only deepened.

“That doesn't mean you should have to.” he whispered, forehead leaning against yours “But that's all my fault, I am the only one to blame. These past months we've been together all the time and that only because of work, in a way, and it shouldn't have been so. We should just be close like this without anything in our mind for once. Just like when we first got together. Who knows... for how long we can have that.”

“Jake, honey-” you blinked, pulling slightly away and for a moment he felt the fear and doubts creep up again. What if all this clinging had the exact opposite effect? What if it made you want to end this even sooner? It made Jake feel his throat close up again, as if he was choking on thin air but it was probably his own tears threatening to break free along with a sob or two for sure.

“...alright, because you're making me worry here. Is there something you want to tell me?” it took him a couple secondsto realise he had zoned out.

“No, no.” he finally choked out, the task of speaking seeming so difficult but tone instead of reassuring you seemed to have the exact opposite effect of making you frown even more. Instead of saying anything else or letting you question it, he tightened his hold on you and brought you in closer. He took in the moment, savoring the feeling of you in his arms, of breathing in your scent, of feeling your warmth.

“Everything's just fine. It will be just fine.” he whispered, but he didn't know if it was more to himself or you. The small voice in his head that was so scared calmed only momentarily.

“Alright, if... if you don't want to, if you're not ready for that yet, I can wait.” you whispered hesitantly “If it's not easy to open up about it yet... I'm alright with this.”

Keeping secrets. The thought made him wince. That was surely what you believed and he wanted to kick himself for it. In just a couple seconds, with every attempt to make things better, he had managed to make things even worse.

“No, no baby-” he put on a smile as he pulled away, the laughing almost hurting him but thankfully it sounded believable “It's not that I don't want to open up to you. It's just that there's nothing wrong going on, honestly. I only realized how little time we've been spending together and thought it's time I changed that. We could be closer than what we already are, right? There's nothing wrong with that, with opening up and-” he shrugged “Trusting each other. You know you don't have to protect yourself all on your own, I could do that for you too.”

“I- Of course I know that, where did all this come from Jake? You really don't sound like yourself today, you know that? I- I want to believe it's alright but this is... confusing me. And you-” you paused abruptly, almost too abruptly as you tried to keep your eyes from widening but it was already too late “You- Hon, Jake, you didn't... find anything did you?”

“Find anything?” he frowned “Like what? Should I have come across something?”

“N-n-no” you said shakily, avoiding his eyes “Of course not. And it's not like I have something to tell you either. Nothing at all.” you laughed nervously “I only asked because, well, I'm just wondering, if you came across something that I didn't know of. Something new o- or something that-”

“You tried to keep hidden from me?” he asked almost playfully, for the first time managing to completely forget the song. But despite thinking that it would make you laugh, it only managed to make you more nervous.

“No” you said a little too fast “Of course not. It's not like I have any secrets from you, you know that.” you avoided his eyes “If anything-” you cleared your throat “That's more like your thing today.”

“We'll talk about it, promise.” he leaned in to kiss your cheek, his lips lingering a moment too long.

“So there is something?” you asked softly but he still insisted to shake his head.

“No. No there's not.” he could take the opportunity but he wasn't ready for it. Even if he knew that all these moments shared between you could easily be the last ones shared, that they could even be not fully heartfelt, he was going to pretend they were true. “I was also thinking, when was the last time we took a bath together? Just what we need right now to relax. I couldn't think of anything better.”

“Ah so you were planning on getting me naked.” you said with a smile, his finally must have been believable enough. Despite his own feelings, he couldn't help but chuckle a bit at your playfulness that he wished so bad was real. “Fair enough, since I get to have you naked too. Though I'll prep the bath, you're the worst at it honey. With all the love. But you can chose the music.”

You knew you said it almost too fast but you couldn't risk it, especially as you pulled away from him to make your way to the bathroom, but you couldn't risk it.

“Fine by me as long as...” he bit his lower lip in thought “You don't mind hearing to yourself sing the whole time. The new album came out perfect and you know I love he songs...” he could stop there he knew he could but he didn't and he didn't know if he would end up regretting it or not, but he had to “Even the ones you kept a secret as a surprise from me.”

“Oh so I'm guessing you heard to a new one today. Well, I'd love to hear your thoughts later. But for now, I'll make only one request and then you can put on any song you want to.” you let the water flow as you searched for your favorite bottle of shampoo, hearing a hum come from him “Try 'Too good at goodbyes' by Sam Smith. I've got that song stuck in my head ever since I did the cover for BBC Radio 1, I swear. More than the songs I wrote myself, despite how sad it is sometimes.”

The words poured out of your lips without a second thought really, too busy pouring the last bits of the liquid that were left in the bathtub before moving to throw the bottle away. Only to stop midmovement when you heard a loud... crushing sound? You couldn't make it out, you could swear you also heard a groan as well. It was soon followed by hurrying steps towards the bathroom where a frantic Jake appeared, eyes wide and breath stuck in his chest.

“Wha- Whose song did you just say?”

“Sam Smith's...?” you said a bit hesitantly “The song may not be the best for sweet couple moments but it's just constantly on my mind for some reason. But then I'll sing all the love songs you want from me, honey, promise. Why though? I don't get- Do you have a problem with that? Don't like his songs or something?”

“No, he's a great. He's- I didn't think you- With all the new songs, I thought- I wasn't- It wasn't yours. I believed- I heard-” he blinked rapidly, his eyes moving away from you as countless thought ran through his mind, until of course all thoughts were also thrown right out of the window and his mind filled with a buzzing wide and his heart jumped to his throat “Uh (Y/n). What's- What's that?”

Your eyes followed his eyes towards the open trashcan and they widened as you realised you were in the exact situation you had been trying to avoid. It was just your luck it was entirely empty save for, well, that.

“Is-” he got closer, taking a better look, and this time actually asking instead of making wrong assumptions or torturing himself any further “Is that yours?”

The song may have not been yours, but the positive pregnancy test certainly was.

[petitelepus]

Shattering the Magnus?, Part 1

Me and my friend RunnyInks were talking and bonding over our shared love for Transformers Animated and this piece was born! Please enjoy!

The war was over and Decepticons won. Autobots are reduced to Decepticons’ and your slaves, pets and toys. How did it all come to it? It was Sentinel’s fault.

The war was over. The Decepticons had won and all because Optimus Prime hadn't had Magnus Hammer to fight against Megatron. Why he didn't have it? Sentinel hadn't let Ratchet take the hammer with him back to Earth. Instead, Sentinel took the hammer and sat on his throne, holding the hammer to purely show his status as the new Magnus to Cybertron.

Optimus and his team were defeated and taken as prisoners. Decepticons lead by Megatron himself attacked the Cybertron and they used the Elite Guard to wipe the floor. Autobots didn't stand a chance with Sentinel leading them with his weak leadership.

You and the rest of the Decepticons stood in the middle of the plaza, surrounding the defeated Autobot soldiers and watching as your mighty lord Megatron appeared on every screen and skyscraper, with the Magnus hammer in his hands.

"My Decepticons, this day shall be remembered as the day we took over what was rightfully ours. Cybertron belongs to us!"

Every Decepticon cheered while the defeated Autobots hung their heads in defeat and the civilians covered in fear.

Megatron continued, "As my first order as your new ruler, every mech or femme who identified as an Autobot is therefore from this day onward nothing but a slave to serve their owner! For those who took no action during the war, don't be afraid, you are all welcome to live with us in harmony. Taken that you don't have anything against your new management..."

No one fought against your lord's orders and the air was filled with cheering Decepticons. You were so happy your armor rattled against your protoform and you and other Decepticons clapped each other on the back for the good job you all did. The first thing your lord Megatron did was to arrange you all a place to stay.

You were one of the Cons who got their new home quickly because you fought in frontlines in Team Chaar. You got yourself a nice spacious apartment, but just as you were done settling down, you got an invitation from your commando's commander Strika to join her in a secret location.

You transformed and quickly flew to the spot she had told you to meet her at. You rushed to meet her and saw that the whole team was there already. You transformed and saluted her. "At your service, Strika ma'am!"

"You came. Good." Strika turned and motioned you and others to follow her into the building. "We're late!"

You all followed your superior and teammates to the darkened halls when you started to hear things. Shouting and cheering. The deeper you ventured the louder voices got. When Strika pushed curtains to the side you saw the source of all the noises.

A bar? Cons left and right were drinking, eating, and laughing. You looked carefully and you almost jumped out of your armor. All the Cons present were the biggest and most vicious Decepticons who had been in war. You could see the Shockwave himself nursing a drink and the triple changer Blitzwing... Right at a table with Megatron himself! 

You felt like a sparkling having its first piece of oilcake. You were a soldier in front lines, yes, but you had never met the Megatron himself.

"Strika, over here!"

Strika followed the voice and you, Cyclonus, and others followed her to the table where... Megatron himself sat!

A huge Con with one crimson optic waved at you. You recognized him, he was Lugnut, one of Megatron's greatest warriors. Strika sat next to the mech and motioned you all to take a seat around Megatron's table, which you did. Suddenly Megatron stood and cleared his intake and the whole bar went quiet and all optics were on the warlord.

"I think you all deserve to know why we are here." Megatron cleared his intake, "Because you all fought by my side, I see that it's only fair you get your reward before others. You all get to choose your slaves first, here and now!"

You all cheered and curtains were swept aside and lights were pointed on the mainstage. A mech you knew as Swindle walked up to the spotlight and smiled as he welcomed everyone, winking at Megatron's way.

"Now you know I don't do these things for free, but when the good old warmonger like Megatron asked me to deal with these little Autobots, how could I say no?" The mech laughed and snapped his servos as the first line of Autobots were brought to the stage. They were some nobodies you had never seen but bidding still started strong.

A waiter brought you drinks and you idly sipped yours as you watched Autobots being bought and taken from the stage by their new owners. Oil Slick, Blackout, and Spittor got themselves some nice bots and left to take them to train their slaves. Time passed, but Swindle kept the auction interesting and cons left one by one until only your table was left.

"And now everyone, the bots you have been waiting for...! Team Prime and Elite Guards!"

You watched with optics wide how the Team Prime who fought so hard against Megatron was brought to the stage. They were all chained in stasis cuffs and were unable to fight back. You browsed your options when you heard something.

"UNHAND ME THIS INSTANCE! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I DON'T BELONG HERE!"

Your optics widened as you watched a dark blue bot with orange lines being dragged by two huge bouncer Cons to the stage. Swindle chuckled and as he motioned towards the mech, the light followed and shined on the Autobot.

"Here we have THE MAGNUS, whose thirst for power cost Autobots everything! Can I get a laugh?" Swindle asked with a laugh of his own and the elite Cons around you laughed.

The blue bot grounded his denta together in fury and he opened his mouth to yell, but this blue and red in cuffs hushed at him. "Just play along Sentinel...!"

"YOU MIGHT HAVE NO SHAME IN SERVING THESE SCUMMY DECEPTICONS OPTIMUS, BUT I AM THE MAGNUS AND-!" He got cut off as one of the bouncers snapped a gag over his mouth and the whole room laughed as he tried to shout over his gag.

"Now that we got a good laugh, would anyone like to throw a joke? No, seriously, I'll auction him for laughs!" Swindle laughed but he stopped the moment you jumped up and slammed your hands on the table. "I'll take him!"

"Ha ha ha, now that is a good joke! Got anything else?"

"No, seriously, I'll take him!" You shouted when suddenly a huge shadow fell over your form. You turned and saw the Megatron himself looking down on you. You swallowed and bowed. "My lord."

"You have been a promising soldier. Are you certain you want this Autobot?" He asked and you nodded. "I have never been this certain, my lord."

Megatron stared at you for a minute before he looked at Swindle and nodded. "Give her the false Magnus."

"Yes, lord Megatron." Swindle grinned and snapped his servos and the bouncers picked up the struggling Autobot and gave him to you. You grinned as he glared at you and you were about to leave when one of the bouncers slipped you something.

"What's this?"

"The key to the gag. Though, if I was you I'd throw it away. This bot is obnoxious."

Sentinel shouted over his gag and you hushed at him like a carrier would and nodded to the bouncer. "Thanks, but I'll like them loud."

With that done, you left. It was interesting, but you couldn't help but to feel content when mechs and femmes left and right looked who you got in your claws. The Sentinel Magnus, one who had doomed them all. You got to your apartment and when you had made sure that your door was locked, you took out the key and waved it at Sentinel's face.

"Wanna talk, big boy, or would you prefer to have the gag on?" You asked and if the looks would kill you would be a melted pool of metal by now. You laughed lightly and opened the gag and put it away. The second the gag came off, he started shouting.

"I demand you release me immediately you disgusting Decepticon or else!"

You laughed and leaned down to get a better look at him and you pinched his cheek. "Now you know I can't do that! You wouldn't survive a day on the streets! You know what they do to a failure Magnus like you?" You laughed and Sentinel's glare on you hardened.

"Oh, how I look forward to having you with me." You said with a smile when something suddenly hit your cheek. You blinked and touched your wet cheek and came to the conclusion that Sentinel had just spit on your face.

How insolent. You should punish him. Anyone else would have done the same if he had done that to them. You imagined all the ways you could punish him. A good whipping with electro whip would certainly be in order, but you weren't that mean. He made an honest mistake, he didn't know any better. You could forgive him that.

You wiped the oral lubricant with your servo and looked at it before bringing it to your lips and licking it off. Sentinel squinted his bright blue optics at you defiantly, but that defiance was wiped off as your crimson optics shrunk into slits and you flicked your long forked glossa against his cheek, smearing your own oral lubricant at him.

"Oh, I'll enjoy playing with you...!"

[mochiyoonfi]

Without You (YG)

Synopsis: Months after you’ve broken up, Yoongi sees you with Jimin, one of his friends. He was Jimin’s hyung. How could he replace you with him? And what made him more upset was the pang, the clench in his heart when he saw you smiling with the younger man. He didn’t still love you. Did he?

Universe: Breakup!au 

Pairing:Exs: Yoongi x reader. Current relationship: Jimin x reader

Warnings: Angst. Angst. Angst. Just plain angst. Really slight fluff.

Word Count: 4.3k 

“Yoongi I still love you! We can work everything out! It was just one argument! I love you-”

“Y/n.” His tone was cold. A lot colder than it had ever been when he had spoken to you before. 

He had changed. He wasn't the same, smiling boy he used to be. His career had destroyed him. His stupid boyband had taken your happy, cheerful, silly boyfriend and turned him into a perfectionist who never seemed to be happy anymore. He wasn't happy with his achievements and he certainly wasn’t happy with yours. 

“It doesn’t matter if you still love me. Can’t you tell?”

Yes. You could tell. The way he didn't smile anymore wasn't just because he had changed. It was because the way he had changed meant he didn't want to spend time with you anymore. He didn't even want to be near you. All the nights he left you on seen, not replying to your persistent, loving messages weren’t an accident. 

“I no longer love you.” He didn't even look you in the eyes. But you didn't need him to. You already knew how he was feeling. He was heartbroken right now too; it wasn’t just you. The years you had spent together suddenly seemed like a waste. Like maybe you shouldn’t have spent all of your love and affection on him. All the times you had waited for hours, staring at your phone for a text that you would never receive. 

You brushed away your tears, determined now to break down. Not before you got your answers. “Why Yoongi?” When you felt your voice crack, you let go. You couldn’t hold back the torrent of tears gushing down your face. And you didn't even want to. “I was amazing to you! I wasted years of my life on you! Why are you doing this to me?”

He looked over, but closed his eyes immediately, fighting back his own tears as he packed up his belongings. The way you were sobbing over him made him feel like a monster. How could he do this to the girl he had promised to always love and take care of? But he had to.

“I don't enjoy spending time with you. At the end of the day,” He took a deep breath. Whatever words he said next had to be awful enough so you wouldn't cry over him when he finally left your shared apartment. “At the end of the day, you were just another item on my checklist. Another task on my schedule.”

You laughed and he flinched, not expecting such a reaction from anyone who was being broken up with, and especially not from you. “Yoongi, I still love you.” He grimaced and you giggled shallowly. “I won't try and stop you. Your happiness has always meant so much more than mine. And this time won't be any different.” 

As he heaved his bag onto his back, tacking his suitcase in hand he stared at you, no emotion apart from pure regret. He didn't regret what he was doing, however. He regretted that he had waited so long to do so. He regretted leading you on so much that you still smiled when he broke your heart into pieces he even doubted were fixable.

“One last time?” You barely recognised your now former lovers voice, it was so broken and heavy. 

You tilted your face up to his, meeting his lips, as your tears joined in the middle, salting the taste of your kiss. Unlike the earlier kisses you had frequently shared, full of love and lust, bringing the two polar emotions together as one, reaching fervently to find a deeper part of each other. 

This kiss was sad, even a little reminiscent; one last memory before both of your lives changed drastically. You pulled back first, planting a kiss on his forehead as you smiled sadly at him. “It’s not all bad. You loved me at some point, right?”

He nodded slowly. “I used to but-”

You pressed a finger to his lips and he shivered from how cold your skin was, maybe it was almost as cold as your felt heart right now. “It doesn't matter. We had fun. I won't regret it.”

He smiled and helped you to your feet, and you hoped he didn't notice how bad you were shaking. “Then I won't regret it either then.” He whispered.

The last you saw of who you thought would be your one and only eternal love, was his back as he walked out of the door. The smell of rain wafted towards you, awakening a deeper sorrow inside of you. He left the door open and you rushed forward, stepping out the door, feeling rain land on your skin, wetting your clothes and hair. His figure walked down the driveway and stepped into a waiting taxi. You sighed and walked down to the middle of your driveway, waiting, of course, until Yoongi had left so he wouldn't see you. Your bare feet scratched on the ground. “Fuck it all.” You whispered. “Fuck. It. All.”

The rain traced your face and you couldn’t tell if you were wiping away tears or rain.

~♡~

You were in denial at first. You refused to believe Yoongi had actually got up and left. You didn't want to believe it was true. Maybe it was all some sick joke. You scoffed. He wasn't even that amazing. You would be able to find someone new. Someone better. Someone that would make Yoongi forget the reasons he had broken up with you.

A few days later you exited your stage of grief and entered one of just pure anger. You were mad at Yoongi. You were mad at yourself for not knowing he was going to break up with you. Heck, you were even mad that you still cared this much. That's when someone knocked on the door. You didn't go and unlock it. You didn't have any energy left for that. And you didn’t care, The door creaked open nonetheless and you jumped to your feet, expecting to see a sheepish Yoongi, apologising for breaking up with you, and you would yell at him, then you'd both cry and everything would be alright again. “Y/n?” The face you were met with was not Yoongi’s and you looked down at the floor, resisting the urge to cry again. “I-I-I, Yoongi sent me to pick up his stuff.”

“He couldn't even do it himself?” You spat, acid maring your voice. 

Jimin stepped closer to you, looking worried. He was one of Yoongi’s friends, but in the past few months he was as good as your friend too. Jimin was also a member of Yoongi’s band, BTS, however. And your eyes burned with rage again and you stepped close to Jimin, who flinched. 

“You're the reason Yoongi broke up with me!” You snapped.

Jimin pointed a finger at himself, disbelieving your words were intended for him, although he was the only one apart from yourself in the apartment. “M-me?”

“Yes!” You sat down on the floor, cross-legged. Fire had ignited in your heart and you didn't even try to stop yourself. “You and BTS! Yoongi changed after he met you guys! He became different! He was so focused on making his stupid fans happy that he wasn't even happy himself! He began to just ignore me! It was like I wasn't even his girlfriend! Like he didn't love me!”

Jimin nodded. “Let it out.”

“I would spend hours,” You yelled. “Outside his studio, happily waiting for him! I was happy just because I knew I would get to see him! I wasted hours just waiting for him! I spent so long trying to find ways for us to reconnect! For us to hang out! He would just say he was busy and give me that annoying gummy smile! He didn't love me! He loved making music and being popular! I was so good to him…”

You collapsed into your hands and began sobbing. “Why didn't he love me?”

Jimin hugged you, letting you sob into his shirt. You felt you should've hated him. He was a part of the people who took your Yoongi from you. “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’ll all be okay.”

Just the words ‘okay’, seemed to be a comforter to you. It calmed you, soothing the scars on your heart that Yoongi had carved, without even meaning to. 

 ~♡~

Jimin came to your house everyday.  He was soon the only person you wanted to see. You ignored your parents calls. When you saw Jimin’s name flash on your phone, however, you would reach instantly for your phone to pick up. His laughing voice warmed your soul. The only thing you needed. He was your placebo. Jimin somehow knew when to speak and when to just listen. He knew when to give you space and when to hug you. 

And finally, 6 months later, you woke up happy. You couldn’t explain why. You were just happy. The thoughts of Yoongi far from your mind. Relief rushed through you. You had successfully gotten through your breakup. When you had felt like giving up, you had still kept going. No. It wasn’t because of your effort. Jimin was the person you had to thank.

“Jimin?”

Of course he picked up the phone instantly. He enjoyed and anticipated talking to you just as much as you did. “What's wrong Y/n?”

“Nothing!” You laughed. You noticed it was your first real laugh since the night Yoongi broke up with you, other than those crazy laughs you couldn’t contain while he shattered your heart. Instead of hollow sadness at thinking over your former lover, you felt nothing. “Nothings wrong! I-I’m so happy!”

He laughed over the phone. “I’m coming over there right now.”

“Please!”

You hung up the phone and rushed to get changed and to brush your hair. This would be the first time Jimin had seen you in over a year that you weren’t in pyjamas and crying or yelling. 

And you wanted him to see you happy. 

 ~♡~

“Hyung! You’re back from the military!”

Yoongi smiled, patting Jimin’s back. “It’s good to see you guys again. Jin went to see his girlfriend first. But-”

“Yoongi!” “Hyung!”

The remaining two thirds of the maknae line ran to Yoongi, grabbing him into a group hug. “We missed you so much! BTS isn’t the same without you and Jin hyung.”

Yoongi’s heart warmed. It had been a while since he had been fawned over, since he had felt so needed. Almost two years actually. He laughed as Jungkook wiped back tears. 

“We’re throwing a huge party tonight!” The youngest boy boasted, his hair longer and curlier than it had been a year and a half ago, his mischievous grin still plastered on his face.

“For you.” Taehyung stated, as if it weren’t obvious. He sported bright red hair like he had almost 5 years ago when they had been promoting their music video, ‘Save me’, except it was in a mullet, his iconic boxy smile exactly how Yoongi had remembered it. 

Jimin flicked Taehyung’s ear. “And Jin hyung too.” 

The eldest of the maknae line hadn't changed much in Yoongi’s time away. He now had blonde spaghetti hair, similar to their DNA music video. His lips were redder though, almost as if they were recovering from bruising. “And Jin.” Taehyung agreed.

Yoongi laughed and grabbed their arms. “Let’s go inside.”

“This is a rather large party.” Yoongi stated. 

Jimin laughed. “Well we were just going to have us and everyone from Big Hit, but then some of the other idol groups wanted to come-”

“My friends wanted to come too.” Taehyung added. 

Jin wandered into the room and grinned at them. He whispered something to his girlfriend, who nodded and left. Instantly the maknaes set upon him, grabbing him into a hug as they had with Yoongi only hours ago. 

“Jin hyung we missed you!” Jimin whined. 

Jin smiled. He still looked the same as when he had entered the military, expect for his additional muscles. He was almost like a vampire. “I missed you guys. We got to see Joon and Hope before we left to come back though, so that was good. I hope they’ll do okay in the military too.”

Yoongi nodded. “I didn’t know Joon regrew his mullet.”

Jungkook laughed. “He and Taehyung wanted to regrow them. I just wanted longer hair.”

Tae nodded solemnly. “It looks good on you.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes. “I don't want to stand here and watch you two flirt with each other. Jimin do you have a girlfriend yet?”

Jimin flinched. Jungkook and Taehyung glanced at him nervously. “W-well hyung I do but-”

“Do I know her then?” Yoongi asked. “Tell me. It’s about time you get in a relationship.”

“You know her b-but-”

“Is she here? I wanna meet her.”

Taehyung stepped in front of Jimin. “Yoongi she’s over there.”

Yoongi’s eyes followed the direction Taehyung was pointing and he almost froze. A girl with long punch pink hair, in an ombre into watermelon pink, wearing a black short dress and white boots. You turned and smiled at them, waving.

“You..you’re dating her..?” Yoongi asked softly. 

Jimin nodded. “I fell in love hyung. She needed a friend to be there for her when you left her. And I was that friend. For a long time.”

Jin and the two younger men were looking increasingly uncomfortable, even Taehyung, who had been unable to contain himself from telling Yoongi who it was Jimin was dating, looked as if he regretted it. When Jin’s girlfriend called him over, the three took it as an excuse to leave, and quickly rushed through their goodbyes, hurrying away from the awkward situation.

“When did you start dating?” The words that left his lips were barely audible, especially not over the loud noise of the party around them. But somehow, Jimin still heard.

“8 months after you guys broke up. I expressed my interest after 7 months though, she needed a little longer.”

Yoongi’s fists balled. “She’s mine-”

“She was. You broke her heart. You made her feel awful.” Jimin closed his eyes, suppressing the memories of his now girlfriend crying herself to exhaustion every night, because of the man who now stood in front of him, claiming her as his. “But it’s okay. She’s happy now.” 

“She can’t possibly be-” Yoongi scoffed. 

Jimin waved you over and Yoongi’s heart began to race. You walked with a bounce in your step, more confident then Yoongi had ever seen you. You first kissed Jimin’s cheek, then extended your hand to Yoongi. 

He didn’t take it, and you lowered your hand, confidence wavering. “Yoongi sunbae. It’s been a while.”

“S-sunbae?” He asked. “N-no call me Yoongi. We know each other.”

You flashed a glittering smile at him. “Of course. How was your time in the military?”

Yoongi shrugged, trying to ignore the sickness pooling in his stomach. You couldn't make him feel bad. He was the one who did this to you. He had let you go- 

“Have you been doing well lately? I saw your new song; Without You In Paris. The lyrics were really great.”

He nodded. You looked to Jimin for help, but he looked just as confused as you. Finally he took you by the waist. “We’ll go now hyung. Enjoy the party.”

He couldn't enjoy the party. All he could think of was you. Smiling so carefree as if you had never loved him. As if you had never smiled like that for him. Had you smiled like that for him? He couldn't remember. 

You had never worn such form hugging clothes when you were with him. You didn't dye your hair because it drew too much attention. Why had you suddenly changed so much? It had been a little under two years since he had seen you. What had changed? Was it just the breakup? Or was it Jimin?

“Can I speak to you?”

You were the last person he had expected to talk to him. He nodded ferociously, wanting answers to his many questions. 

The two of you stood outside on the balcony, looking out across the city lights as the cool night air washed around you. You spoke first, breaking the undeniable tension.

“Jimin suggested I should speak to you.” Your own voice surprised you. You had expected your voice to come out as a croak, or scratchy, betraying the fear and nervousness you felt. “He said he saw longing in your eyes. A longing only I could understand.”

He nodded. “Jimin knows me well. Not as well as you though.”

You smiled sadly. “No one will ever know you as well as me.”

“I never regretted it.” Yoongi said, voice broken as it was that last day you had with him. “I never felt bad for breaking it off.”

“I missed you. I called you everyday for the first month, begging you to take me back, telling you I would change. I left so many voicemails. And you-”

“And I listened to them all.” He finished. “I listened to every single one of them, but never replied to you.”

You smile washed away. “I know. It’s what made it all the harder for me. I still loved you for months.”

“The song, Without You In Paris, was about you.”

You nodded. “I had suspected such. I had only told you of my burning desire to travel to Paris one day. The lyrics… they really helped me.”

“How so?” He asked, glad that the conversation had switched to something he knew so well; music. “Regrets? Never. I’m sorry for the tears. The passion’s gone. I’m not looking back. One last time, for you.” You quoted the song perfectly, the words natural on your soft lips. “I realised I shouldn't have regretted things I couldn't have changed anyway.”

Yoongi nodded. “I wrote it looking at your picture. I was only ever sorry for making you cry.”

“It wouldn't have worked out.” You whispered. 

“Our first concert in France was in Paris, and it was the first concert after our breakup.” 

“I know.” You whispered. “I watched it.”

“To see Jimin?” 

You looked down at the city lights, listening to the raging party inside. You plucked a hair from your head and watched it flutter below you, falling out of sight. “To see you.”

“I thought of you and only you in Paris.” He finally said after a gap of silence. 

Tears began to flow down your face. “I went there with Jimin during our fifth month of dating. I was crying in my room the whole time. But it was what I needed. To forget the man who had ruined my heart.”

He began to cry as well, silently as he gazed off at the glittering moonlight. 

“The best days of my life were with you.”

He managed to wipe away his lingering tears and he gazed at you. “Shouldn't you hate me? Haven't you tried to wipe my existence from your memory? After all I’ve put you through?”

“I loved you Yoongi. When you started breaking up with me, if you would've said you didn't mean it, I would've taken you back right then and there.”

“What about now? He croaked, even though he knew it was a hopeless question with an obvious answer.

“The best days of my life were with you.” You repeated, words stinging your lips with emotions you didn't fully understand. “At first I tried to forget I ever met you, that we ever fell in love.”

“Why didn't you?” 

“Because I loved you. You were such a large part of my life. I couldn't erase the effect you had on me. But I needed to move on.”

“With one of my best friends?” He murmured.

You giggled slightly as you wiped away your own tears. “It wasn't a choice. I just fell in love. I didn't even realise it at first. It just happened over time.”

“But how...with Jimin? You were just friends...”

You nodded, the cool air bristling the hair on your arms, making you shiver. “He was just a friend. Then he told me he felt a connection, and I tried to avoid him, thinking it would be better to avoid ever getting in a relationship again. But the more I avoided him, the more I missed him. I realised I loved him. And when I finally went around to his house after a month of avoiding him, he asked me out.’

Yoongi sighed, feeling increasingly dissatisfied as he heard footsteps approaching the glass slider door separating them from the rest of the party.

“Y/n, it’s getting late.”

You smiled, turning away from Yoongi to walk towards Jimin, then she turned back. “Yoongi, I’m really sorry-”

“No you’re not.” He replied coldly, eyes filled with either fury or disappointment, you couldn’t tell.

Jimin grabbed your hand lightly, tugging you away from the older man as you finally tore your eyes away from him. 

 ~♡~

“Y/n what did you guys talk about?” 

You instantly recognised Jimin’s tone of voice. He was worried, but trying hard not to be. You glanced over at him, sitting on the couch, wearing just a singlet and jeans, his blond hair ruffled. Smiling, you approached him, taking off your jacket and sitting on his lap. “Are you worried?”

At first he didn't answer but he finally sighed and rested his head on your shoulders. “I’m not worried. I’m jealous.”

You raised an eyebrow. “You’re jealous that you aren’t my ex?”

He nestled into your hair, laughing, causing you to jolt from the cool air. “I don't want to be your ex, don't worry. He was sad, you cared. A lot. I wanna see you that worried over me.”

You stroked his hair. “Chimmy I don’t want to worry over you like that. I want you to be so happy I don’t have to worry.”

He pulled back and frowned. “But-”

“I was worried for him. I don't know why, probably because I loved him for so long.”

“Do you still love him?”

You looked deep into his eyes and planted a kiss on his nose. “Yes.”

He gasped, tears welling in his eyes within an instant. 

You raised a finger to his lips. “But I love him as a friend. We have a really deep bond that we can't, and that I don't want, to break.”

Jimin smiled, grabbing you into a hug. “I’m sorry I was getting jealous. Did you have a good talk?”

“Yeah. Without You In Paris was written about me. Or about us.”

Jimin looked down. “I’m sorry I can't write you a beautiful song or whatever. Sorry that you had an awful time in Paris” 

You laughed and hopped off his lap, sitting on the ground in front of your boyfriend. “I hated Paris.”

He sighed. “Yeah I know you did I’m sorry-”

“I hated it because it reminded me of Yoongi. I loved being there with you, it just reminded me too much of him.”

Jimin nodded, still looking sheepish. “I shouldn't have suggested we go there. I made a mistake it made you really sad and I promised to never make you cry-”

“Jimin, I needed to go there. It was part of moving on for me.”

He nodded again, this time a lot happier. He reached down to cup my face with his hand. “Baby, I’m sorry I didn't get to you before Yoongi did. I would have treated you so much better. I would never have let you go.”

You laughed. “Chimmy, I had so much fun being in love with him. But I should’ve known the relationship was ending. I love you now.”

“Y/n, there’s only ever one love.”

You scoffed. “If you read online stuff, you would know you fall in love on average 3 times in your life.”

He smiled warmly and grabbed you onto his lap, snuggling against your cheek. “Oh? So I’m number 2 then...Who’s next? Hoseok?”

You giggled. “No Jimin! I have no intention of having another love. Only you.”

Jimin placed his hand on his chin as if he was stroking an invisible beard in thought. “I think I will have another love in my life.”

You pulled back, staring at him in disgust. “You plan on breaking up?”

“I plan on falling in love with you again.”

Your eyes widened and you blushed, looking away from him. “D-don’t say such things. That’s too romantic.”

He laughed, a tinkling, pleasant sound that never failed to make you grin. “What’s wrong with me being romantic?”

“It makes me too happy.” You whined. 

Jimin stroked your hair gently. “That’s a good thing, right? I want you to be happy.”

“Me too. I want you to be happy as well.”

~♡~

Yoongi only bought the magazine because your face was on it. Well, yours and Jimin’s, of course. The 6 dollars it cost was worth seeing your happy face however, even if it was just a picture. You were wrapped in Jimin’s arms as you were kissing his cheek. 

The headline roared something about you being engaged.

He wasn’t surprised. Whenever he had seen Jimin in the dorms lately he had been smiling brightly as if nothing could go wrong. This was obviously what he had been planning. Yoongi felt a ripping in his heart. 

It was his fault, so how could he regret it? It wasn't fair to Y/n or him. 

But moving on was all the harder when one of his best friends, no, his brother, was dating the girl he still found himself missing. Maybe he didn't even miss her. He probably missed the effect she had on him. This made him feel even worse than seeing your intertwined fingers, your hands he had once held tightly, promising to never let go of, adorned with someone else's ring. 

It could've been him.