#this is the first ask i've ever gotten on this blog btw you get a gold star for being first anon ⭐

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

Hey so you've posted a bit about replaying DA and I wanted to know if you have a canon run through

I do! I'm currently replaying through my canon run right now [with a few deviations here and there] because every time I finish a run, some time passes before I'm like, ".........I miss them." It makes doing an alternate run harder, too.

For DAO, I play as a rogue lady Tabris named Rosalie, or Rose. Dual-wielding ranger and dualist. Her most used party dynamic is Alistair/Morrigan/Zevran. She named the mabari Griffon after the tales of Grey Wardens and their griffons. Rose romanced Alistair, kept him a warden and made Anora queen. She considers Morrigan one of her closest friends until Morrigan reveals her true intentions for coming with them. I've written about that whole thing before. Honestly, as far as companions go, Rose becomes close friends with most of them... except Wynne, they tend to butt heads in a lot of ways.

Rose didn't want to become a warden and thinks most of their rules and secrets are bullshit. Duncan's excuse for not coming to help her and the other elven women Vaughan took is a driving force for her to defy that "we can't get involved" rule as much as she can during and post-blight. She sided with the mages in Kinloch and with their help saved Connor, made Bhelen king of Orzammar, and settled things between the Dalish and the werewolves peacefully by convincing Zathrian to end the curse. She executed Loghain at the Landsmeet since, y'know... he sold city elves, nearly including her father, to Tevinter slavers to fund his war so... in her eyes, he doesn't get to live after that.

This playthrough I did make a save to reject Morrigan's dark ritual to see what happens when the warden makes the ultimate sacrifice and it's the most unsatisfying ending. It's such a, "No no noooo we didn't deserve this! After everything we went through! Just for it to end like that??" hopeless feeling... which was then fixed when I went back and made my canon choice of begrudgingly accepting the deal [even though it mostly goes against Rose's character but I'm weak and selfish and want her and Alistair to live].

In DA2, I play as a male mage Hawke named Edgar, or Ed. Force mage and blood mage. His most used party dynamic is Carver/Merrill/Anders until Carver goes to the Grey Wardens, then it's Isabela/Merrill/Anders. He's mostly purple in personality, but occasionally dips into blue, and I can count the number of times he's gone red on one hand. He named his mabari Fleabag after Malcolm bought the pup from a traveling merchant who failed to mention he was flea ridden. Several baths later, the mabari was finally flea free but Ed decided he should never live it down and named him Fleabag.

Ed maxes out the friendships with everyone [yes, including Carver, Ed tries so damn hard with him] except Aveline, he maxes out her rivalry. They all side with him and the mages in the end. He romanced Anders. I once did a run where I romanced Fenris with Ed and even though I liked it, the whole playthrough felt wrong because romancing Anders is, like... a fundamental part of Ed's story now... Even though they break up in the end.

I've done all three options across different playthroughs when it comes to Anders; I've spared him, I've killed him, and I've told him to leave. My canon choice is to tell him to leave, and then let him join my party later after we've sided with the mages. It's hard to explain without writing a full essay, but Ed and Anders are pretty much life partners at this point. Even if it's no longer romantic because a huge amount of trust was broken, even if they never get back together in that regard, even if Anders will now be on the run for the rest of his life, whether or not Ed agrees with him [he does and he doesn't, it's complicated] like... Ed loves him and he'll always love him, y'know? He won't abandon him even when everyone tells him he should.....but then DAI happened uhhh

Finally for DAI, I play a lady mage Lavellan named Ashalle, or Ashlaen, or just Ash. She's a knight-enchanter who mostly does storm magic. I'd say DAI is the game where I have a pretty even party use that I rotate between; Cassandra/Varric/Vivienne, Solas/Sera/Blackwall, The Iron Bull/Dorian/Cole. She sides with the mages in Redcliffe and left Hawke in the fade [sorry Ed, and sorry Anders... and sorry Carver... and Varric]. When it came to picking a ruler for Orlais, she figured all options sucked but went with Celene and Briala. Ash drank from the well, and then disbanded the inquisition in Trespasser.

I dislike how DAI just kinda plops your inquisitor into existence with only a small paragraph explaining why they were at the conclave; I wish it had a DAO approach so that's what I did for my inquisitor. Before I start the DAI playthrough, I boot up DAO. Before she was Ashalle Lavellan, she was a circle mage named Ashlaen Surana who escaped with Jowan after he lied to her about being a blood mage. In the ten years pre-DAI, she lost Jowan. In her grief, joined the Dalish, changed her name, and eventually ended up at the conclave. It just adds a lot more meat and spice to the choices and interactions with companions and advisors since she keeps that part of her backstory a secret. After all, she helped a blood mage and then was accused of being one herself before fleeing; she doesn't want the inquisition to know that. All of her crafted staves are named after Jowan while her crafted robes are usually named after her conflicting identities and pieces of her past, too..... Oh, speaking of past, she romanced Cullen. Because of course.

With the context of all this, it becomes them reuniting after they may or may not have had a thing going on in the circle, but then she escaped and he believed she was actually a blood mage for ten years. Cullen sees her like "Ah. Yes. You. Whom I haven't met. Hope they're right about you. We've lost a lot of people to get you here. Glad you survived." when internally he's screaming "I know who you are, those tattoos fool me not! Why are you here?? To torment ME specifically??" Then there's Ash who takes a little longer to recognize him, and when she does, it solidifies that she needs to run after this because he knows who she is and why she fled, that's not good, she's not going back to the circle after all this is done.

But y'know... they work it out. Eventually.

That's my canon run through of all three games. I keep trying to talk myself into doing a full alternate canon run, but the only game I've successfully done a different route in is DAI with my male rogue Tristan Trevelyan whose backstory was that he's a pro-mage ex-templar. That was fun to see how different things play out, but I haven't managed it for the other two.

I'd like to play DAO as a more cutthroat warden who, unlike Rose, won't go out of their way to do kind things; they'll do what they deem necessary. I'd like to do a lady warrior Hawke run with Bethany as the surviving sibling, and I've tried before but every time I hit a point where I'm like ".....I miss Carver so much" and abandon the run. Like there's always something that makes me abandon the run. I almost abandoned Tristan's run, too, but somehow I pushed through and got invested. I dunno. One day I'll put on my big girl pants and just do it.

[billcyp-her]

Hit I'm Steve and I'm struggling with becoming a witch I've never been interested inwitchs or witchcraft but I have gotten a strong desire to explore witchcraft and I desperately need guidance and advice I've been reading several witch's blog s and not sure who yo ask but I think I can relate to you from what I read so will you help me with thus journey or at least get me pointed in the right direction

Sure thing, the first thing I recommend is looking at the core five

Banishing

Warding

Cleansing

Protection

Grounding

(A bit down my page, there's a post with a link to a document about these)

After that, go wild. Every witch has a path and honestly its going to be vey different from me to you. Personally, my craft as very laid back and chill, and I barely ever do things because of my mental health, but you might be super involved and celebrate all the rituals and holidays.

I recommend learning the yearly wheel of holidays ( 8 main ones) and figuring out which ones you want to celebrate and adding them to your calendar.

I also would recommend going through a couple of witches blogs you like, and reading the posts you feel interested in. Look for hashtags and search up things you like about witchcraft on tumblr.

Other sources of learning I recommend are reading books! If you have a library card, its likely your library has Hoopla (an online library app, you just need a library card to sign up) and then you can find witchcraft books online and read them for free!!

You can go on Tiktok and search "witchcraft books" and see what people recommend! There's also a post on my blog with a list of book recommendations

A Tumblr blog I recommend is @samwisethewitch as well as @thewitchway

They all have some great posts wether it be opinions or educational

Both @renesbookofshadows and @maxiswitchcraftandpaganblog have good posts on the basics of which craft

If you go to my blog and click on the hashtag #beginner witch or #baby witch you can find all my posts related to witchcraft that you should know

If you need more guidance, send me another ask with your questions and ill tty my best to answer them! Good luck and blessed be!

(Btw I didn't mention deities bc I think dirty work isn't for beginners, but working with a deity and worshiping one is different so if you want me to talk about deity worship let me know)

[corey-beepington]

Hello! After re-watching your Deltarune short film, Eviction Day, I can confidently say that I:

Am SO happy to find that you have a tumblr blog! :D

Absolutely LOVE that film, despite not being in the Deltarune fandom but still intrigued by the concept/story of Spamton and the Addisons - I genuinely think this is perhaps the BEST interpretation of Spamton's story (and possibly the best Deltarune fan project) I've ever seen!

I'd like to ask a couple of questions regarding the short film if that's okay with you:

What parts of the Addisons' personality did you want to show through your designs (the way they wear their jackets, their eye colour, body type, hairstyle, etc.) and why?

What inspired you to focus on Blue Addison's perspective for the film?

While I understand the references to Spamton Neo with the 'twisted angel' imagery, am I correct in theorising that 'Big Shot' equated to the whole angel thing Spamton became obsessed with (please correct me if this is not the case)?

(Btw I absolutely adore your design of Blue Addison - he's adorable and looks like he'd give the best hugs! And I think he definitely needs a hug after what he witnessed in the short film.)

Thanks for enjoying my silly short film...first time ive ever gotten a big ol string of questions about it sooooo -puts on my reading glasses screen or whatever would be the equivalent for a silly little television-

There we go, i do love talking alot about what goes into a cartoon sooooo

here goes the Ramble

I love the addisons, and I LOVE when people give them individual body types instead of copy/pasting the same skinny twink..I think it adds alot more personality to them..especially since their entire personality is...I guess having no personality. I like to think they have an "advertising" personality which is copy/paste but once theyre off duty, they're themselves. I wanted to show this with one scene in Eviction Day where Blue Advertises when trying to rehearse what to say.

As for each Addison's design itself...Well..I knew the full group of addisons would have very very little screentime, yet I wanted the audience to FEEL for them ya know?

Actually, in the first first first draft of Eviction Day, the diner scene was MUCH longer...but it made Pink WAAAAAY too unlikeable...and I didn't wanna animate all of it.

So I had to make the designs count

In general, I love them with blacked out eyes, it makes them feel more...robotic...even a tad bit frightening...also a fan of their eye's being glowy and think a black scalera would amplify it. I remember seeing blacked out eyes for addisons one day when scrolling instagram..I don't remember the artist sadly, but I latched onto that hc almost instantly.

Their suits are pretty copy-paste with the exception of Pink who doesnt wear an undershirt and lets his fluff sort of hang out...it feels very Pink to me...speaking

Anyway, each design individually

Pink

Pink is..well Pink, very sharp, probably the one who gets the most sales and thus designed to be the most "conventionally attractive" out of the bunch. As mentioned above, I wanted to show how proud he is by him being the only addison who doesn't wear an undershirt and preferring to let his fluff hang out.

He's only in a few shots..but he exists to well...foreshadow...I mentioned in another ask, I don't see Pink as a jerk, more as a guy overcompensating on his hate towards Spamton to cover up deep down missing him and being worried. He worried once Blue shows signs of distress.

Very superficial.

Yellow

My yellow, unlike popular hc, is far more chill, a gentle giant if you would...like he's a guy you can depend on, but very shy despite his looks. He never appears until the end at the Trash Zone so this gives me the "he's shy" hc...or he's also not much a seller. I see Yellow as a guy who sets up his group's store front...and probably beats up viruses with his bare hands, you know the behind the scenes backstage guy.

He's dependable and friendly, and that's why he is how he is.

Orange

He exists.

Like...I'm not super attached to Orange...So he's just...Orange...generic...I see him more as holding a managerial position over the group over selling (he does try to scam you)..but he was never doing anything major in the short so he just...Exists I guess.

BLUE

BOY BABY BOY. HE IS MY FAVORITE.

Blue strikes me as the friendliest and most huggable of the group, in game he doesn't scam you....or even try to...he just gives you free samples...and you can take as many as you want!

I wanna think he's not a great salesmen, but he's built at "marketable plushie" size so he can at very least draw people in...considering your intent to hug him, I think it's working.

For some weird reason, a handful of people have asked in a "is this a fetish" way or even been upset at me for making blue plus sized and to that I say

go outside.

You'll find that people of all shapes exist in the real world <3

Just for you anon, here's some old concept art. I wanna give a big big thanks to my friend SPAMiGO who helped me tie down their designs. I'm not the best character designer, so he was a huge help in making these designs nice!

2. Why Blue?

Awhile ago, I made an animation called "Spamton's Biggest Deal"

Alot of people liked it for some reason.

I wanted to do something like that again...I honestly didn't quite like this cartoon, it was rushed and ew old spamton art...

I didn't want it being my only contribution to the Deltarune fandom...I was feeling...quite ambitious....

So it crawled so Eviction Day could run.

I'm a horror artist by nature, I LOVE horror and I wanted to MAKE another horror deltarune cartoon because it was VERY heavily requested...but i didn't know what

Over the summer in 2022, I ended up cosplaying the Blue Addison..in my research...I found the line about garbage noise...

I think every scary thing that could be done with spamton has been done.

But this

This detail was so overlooked.

There was SO MUCH horror to be had in this scene that I just HAD to do something with it.

And so I wrote the first script in august...I really fell in love with the blue addison around this time and wanted to share my love of this overlooked character with other people.

Also I ship blue addison and spamton really hard and struggled to find Content

(disclaimer because someone will ask: I do not headcanon the addisons as brothers)

So this was another way to spread my gospel...albeit subtly....

Ships do things to a person.

When Undertale's anniverssary came around, I re-posted it to twitter and asked

"why the hell did you guys like this"

I got alot of good answers, i asked what was good, what was bad, what you'd like to see

And then weaved it all together.

I officially began on the short in september of 2022.

but tldr: i liked the character, i liked the horror, 123 addisons making out cyber cafe.

3.

Ah...the mural....

Ok I'll spill the beans, the mural was the very first shot that beamed itself into my head when Eviction Day was barely a thought...just the image of Blue Addison staring at something...horrible...

It was the sole reason I made the film

I plan on doing a more elaborate post on my patreon in the future about it because there was SO MUCH thought that went into this one 5 second shot.

as for your question specifically

There's many ways to interperet the mural tbh...I wanna think Spamton saw himself as a savior...an angel...one who would bring the light and become big..bigger than anything

A God.

or something like that.

That's all the time for now anon. I hope this answered your questions....as I said I will ramble on and on about pre-production stuff, sometimes ill throw stuff up on the patreon as well (the animatic is there now actually) if you wanna support more stuff like it too!

Now go take a rest...your eyes must be so sleepy reading all this

[gffa]

Btw I only got sucked into the prequels fandom a couple months ago, and I was super fortunate to have found your blog rather early on... It meant I quickly realized I had some misconceptions and internalized weirdness from just western / Christian society and growing up on Legend's New Jedi Order stuff. (It's not that I ever disliked the Jedi, but I definitely didn't understand the difference between love and attachment and was otherwise mostly apathetic about them as a Culture... If they weren't Mara Jade, Jaina Solo, Corran Horn, or Luke Skywalker, I didn't particularly care about them at all).

Anyway my point is that I'm super thankful your blog came up soon because I am now very firmly in the Pro Jedi camp and am glad I only got a minimal amount of sw fandom toxicity about the Jedi before having my eyes gently opened to reality.

Best part is tho, I had a friend ask me a week ago for some star wars information. Her brother apparently was assigned to write about the differences between the Jedi, Grey Jedi, and Sith in a class about differing religions and ideologies (which... In and of itself is actually a rather fascinating concept for a school paper). Anyway I had fun linking a whole bunch of your meta posts and going "Respect the Jedi, they're absolutely wonderful! Grey Jedi aren't actually a thing - it's just video game mechanics and misconceptions! Sith are evil and if you write them as anything but I will hard-core raise eyebrows at you and want to throw hands!!" And such... Probably went more than a little overboard but she was appreciative.

My point in all this word vomit (dang my adhd is really prevalent rn isn't it) is that I wanted to offer some encouragement because I've learned the pro Jedi camp is a lot smaller than it should be and maybe sometimes feels like it's the same 20 people on tumblr? Your collective efforts as the Jedi Defense Squad are successful and I know that, personally, my life will forever be changed for the better. Bless y'all and keep fighting the good fight!

You didn’t even know it was my birthday yesterday and yet you sent me once of the nicest things I could get despite that! I admit that the pro-Jedi corner of fandom feels very small sometimes, especially because Tumblr is generally the only place where we’ve gotten together (COME HELP ME LOVE THE JEDI ON TWITTER, YOU GUYS, I NEED PEOPLE TO HAVE SILLY LOVE BOMB FESTS WITH), that sometimes it can feel very overwhelming the second I step one inch off my dash, but also I wouldn’t trade this corner for anything. I hope that I can not just explain why I love the Jedi and why I see them as being perfectly in balance with the core themes of Star Wars, but that I can help make being a pro-Jedi fan a fun experience.  I hope I can make meta about them interesting, jokes about them fun to play with, the pain of their slaughter and the genocide of their culture dig into our feelings the way the best of Star Wars does. If I can help kindle love for the Jedi in you (and I am certain I did not do so alone, there are so many really incredible people, every time I get to reblog Jedi content from more than a dozen people now I get this shimmer of joy in my soul, I didn’t always have that! I get to reblog art and fic and essays! people have such good thoughts and incredible ways with words! they’re coming up with adorable skits and AU scenarios! so many in this fandom work so hard to give us these delightful things and I am so overjoyed to get to reblog them), then I have passed on what was given to me and that makes it worth it. I am further delighted to help provide framework for writing papers about the Jedi, because one of the things that surprised me when I first started really digging into those Lucas interviews and behind the scenes/making of books is: Yeah, Star Wars is often silly, but it has themes and George Lucas stuck to them.  He thought about his mythology and what messages he wanted to convey, and whatever things he tweaked along the way, the core themes have always remained consistent. Star Wars is often imperfect, no creator is ever going to be perfect, but Lucas knew he wanted to tell a story about letting go and about good vs evil and choosing the light made the world work better and that we should care about each other and our communities, not just break the rules and do whatever we felt like, that you’re supposed to love people but you have to accept that life is impermanent, because you’ll suffer if you try to hold on too tightly. And everything of his Star Wars stuck to those themes and I really, really like those themes. My life has been made better by getting to know the story of Star Wars and getting to meet so many kind, thoughtful fans and getting messages like this, and so please know that this is incredibly uplifting and encouraging.  To be able to spark joy in someone else about these silly space psychic wizards, to be able to share that, it makes the whole Being A Fan Of A Thing a great experience.

[hatbox-apologist]

I was gonna turn on anon but I decided against it, would it be okay if I actually asked you a question? Since I know you write reader insert fics yourself I thought you would maybe relate to what I’m feeling and if so I wanted to see how you deal with it. I absolutely love writing x reader fics, I get really attached to my favorite characters and I love pouring that love into writing form for myself and others to enjoy but sometimes I still feel embarrassed/ashamed/anxious about it and about how others might perceive it. I know there used to be a big stigma behind it and I got made fun of for it for a while and even now when I’ve gained enough confidence to start posting them to public places I still get a little worried that someone is sitting being the screen and thinking “wow this is cringe” especially because it’s most of the content I write and I don’t often write about ships or storylines like a lot of other people do. It’s a bit silly because so far most people have been nothing but nice to me but I still feel a little bit anxious about it especially as I keep writing more and more of them and wonder “oh man is this getting irritating for people”

I apologize for the slight vent, I just found it a little difficult to articulate the emotions in a more simple way. Have you ever felt like when you write fanfic? And if so what helps you kinda push through it and start accepting your writing more?

You don’t have to reply to this if you don’t want to or if it doesn’t really apply to you, and again I’m sorry for dumping a wall of text into your asks- I just got stuck in a little rut while writing my next chapter today and am having trouble getting out of it.

First off thank you so much for the question, I'm really glad u asked and were confident enough to send this without the anon on. Second I'm going to answer questions or comment on certain things as I read this, so here we go.

I don't really write for myself, I mostly write for the people who want to read it. I have a small audience but from the few people I have talked to, on here and from my ao3 page, they like it, so I write it for them.

The thing about the stigma is I still feel it. Not for x reader specifically but for fanfiction and fandom in general. But I just have kinda gotten used to it so I just kinda live in it now. I mean I keep my tumblr to myself and of course y'all on here, but that's it. I don't talk about my fics to people I don't trust not just because of the stigma but also because I write some batshit crazy stuff.

I'll tell you this, I don't think people r going to read something that they think they're not going to like. Especially if you label your works right the worst thing they're going to do is scroll away. (But if u do get a negative comment @ me and I'll find them :) ) Also I think my own work is cringe and I've just accepted that it is at this point so I'm kinda immune to someone telling me that I'm cringe or that what I do is cringe because I am and that's just how it be man. I am one with the cringe and the cringe is me. I've lived too long past my experation date to be worried about some default settings incel telling me my Haunted Mansion fanfiction or tumblr blog is cringe. Like uhm ya of course it's cringe? It's supposed to be?? (also it's my brand now that I'm the jester of cringe, thx to @spookyhollowart)

O dude, lemme tell u something, one shots r the best. You don't have to stick to a big storyline, relationship growth, or character arcs. Literally the best. I can't wait to do my one shots because most of them r short and I won't have to be looking back 6 chapters ago to what color some random ass dude was wearing or some bullshit like that, because I have to do now in my current fic.

Trust me the nice people scare me too. It's like WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHY R U BEING NICE TO ME??? AND WHY DO YOU LIKE WHAT I WRITE?? (U scare me a lot too btw)

O god no! It's not irritating at all! Quite the opposite, I absolutely love ur stuff, especially ur latest one, Soul Ties. Seriously looking forward to the next chapter, I'm super invested in how the reader acts, I very much relate.

Plz don't apologize this was awesome to read through and answer/comment on.

Man that's a big question, uh Ig I can say that for a long time it felt like a joke to myself that I was writing fanfiction. I was writing it seriously but it didn't feel serious/real to me. I'll say this, I accept the storyline and that I came up with it, but I don't accept the way I'm write it. Because I beat myself up for typos, bad flow, not good enough dialog, not enough descriptors, too many descriptors, too short chapters when I have writers block, not good enough, that kinda stuff.

I'm honestly just glad to have someone else writing hm stuff because I love this fandom so much and I love reading other people's work. I hope you get out of ur rut soon. Take ur time, there's no rush, and don't stress on it.

[imjusttrynalive]

Just a little rant

Hi everyone, this is my first post here and I'm going to be talking about my LOA journey. As of now, it is the 7th of December 2023 and I've always known about manifesting ever since grade 9 when I found out about subs. And got a little success from one and then never got any afterwards, then I found out about loa and had a few successes here and there but I never thought much about it and then till May when I stumbled upon a pin of a success story on Pinterest. I went down a loop hoke of Sammy Ingram, Neville Goddard, LOA Tumblr, etc and here I am now.

It's okay if you don't read this cause it will be long and I've always been holding myself back from making this blog because of some limiting beliefs of me not acting the way I should be if I had my desires. (Basically, my desired self wouldn't need to rant about my journey cause I already have it)

As I mentioned I found out about LOA through Pinterest and was very intrigued cause who wouldn't, people were getting massive success stories here and there and I also want to have my desires too. I then found out about Loa Tumblr and Sammy Ingram at the same time but started with Loa Tumblr. All the success stories here and the informational posts gave me a dopamine boost and I was very excited cause duh I could finally get what I wanted. But since I had a lot of limiting beliefs back then I would do robotic affirming causes that sounded easier to me and all the success I heard about people using robotic affirmations gave me confidence.

I never really went into the void up until a few months later in August but that's not important right now. As I was drowning in Loa's Tumblr I was also drowning in Sammy ingrams content and she also motivated me. Telling me this is my world and I can do whatever I want, I never have to wait for anything, nothing ever takes longer than three days, the void is the am state and also Neville Goddard. (I know this is alittle messy but I want to get everything out)

So you could say that my mindset was slowly starting to change and for the fact that I had always felt a little different form everyone else (I'm not a pick me BTW been single since birth and don't talk to boys either) and always felt lost. Like everytime someone would ask me where do I see myself in the future and what course I would like to do in uni, I was always blank and felt alittle sad cause it wa slike I was the only one that didn't have a passion for anything. Me finding about loa was like I had awakened from some deep slumber and started having desires od things I would also like to have.

Buttt because I was everywhere and anywhere consuming information like it was water. I had been getting doubts and alittle worried and sad cause at the end of the day if this whole thing was fake then I'd be stuck living a life that I really really hate. On one end I would see something say do this it works on another it doesn't. Here someone posts a success story everyone loves and here they say it's fake and loa isn't real. Here someone wad able to manifest their dream life on 2 days and another it took months. Another ine wa sthat self concept doesnt matter and the other side said it did. I was honestly just a mess, depressed, desperate and overwhelmed.

I decided to delete tumblr and just focus on robotic affirming which wa sbasically me affirming the whole day and because I was anxious and new to this I wpuld feel like I'm doing everything wrong if I stopped affirming and what not. Bow just because robotic affirming hasn't worked for me doesn't mean its fake and doesn't work. I was obviously going through alot and had many limiting beliefs and was trying to be logical with the law.

I and been robotic affirming for over a month and hadn't gotten my desires and again started overconfident cause why wanst mine coming in less than 2 weeks like everybody else's. But I still continued to perist and continued affirming and overtime I just naturally began to affirm subconsciously. I even stopped watching and reading loa content cause I had to stop overconsuming.

It was now in August when I still hadn't seen any results besides a change in my self concept like with how I no longer though everything was expensive but rather cheap and my inner conversations about myself changed.

I still was struggling with the whole ignore your 3d, circumstances don't matter, instant manifestation, deadlines. And especially the dead lines part cause I ajd planned to visit my friend for her birthday and give her a gift she had always wanted and thought I've got a month before her birthday I can have the money I'm manifesting by then. But it didn't happen. All my plasm were ruined and I became depressed again cause why wasn't I getting my desires like everyone else.

(I'm starting to tear up as I right this)

But I told myself it was okay, devied to rea dsome success stories for success ans saw a post that said something about believing in people's success stories even if I don't know whether they're genuine or not and how I've got nothing to lose and that I'm the god of my reality and nothing is impossible and all I and to do was perist. And persist I did. But this time I tried the void for the first time.

When I tried the void on the first day and till date, I wanst sure if I was supposed to stop feeling like I'm breathing or I wa sdoinv everything wrong cause I just ha dto be pure consciousness. But I did feel a few symptoms likes feeling like I was spiraling, itching but I cpukd still here the sub I was using and could still eel my limbs ams eventually lose focus. I qpikd affirm 30 times for every hour for 2 days and eventually gave up and got tired cause you know the void isn't the only method.

So back to affirming I went, but this time I had more desire than ever now that my self contained had improved. I worked a lost of Google docs and formed a routine. Iw pull affirm for 30 times in the morning and before sleeping but as time went on iwpuld feel like I wanst affirming for my other things so ny the time it was November I had 10 differently affirmations that I wpudl repeat 10 times morning and night including my self created loa rules.

Obviously all the posts that talk about not wanting it in the 3d only the 4d and not even caring if they even manifest or not were giving me anxiety. And I deleted pintrest and tumblr to stay away from loa amd focus on my self. But lawd, isn't my 3d just my biggest enemy.

I wa scolding in my emotions till the 17th of October when I finally cracked and journaled about my lack of success and how everything keeps getting worse and worser in my life and time keeps on moving and everything I don't want to happen keeps happening. And I'm just an average girl that's just wants to live her dream life like everybody else and I feel like I'm always doing everything wrong even though I affirm to myself saying that I'm doing everything right.

I finally read bambis post on manifestation and it gave me hope. Again my self concept has improved form how iq a sin the beginning but every once in a whole my emotions catch up to me and i end up ranting and crying cause in my current 3d I'm still ugly and poor whilst I know I'm everything I want in my 4d.

So right now I've finally gone to uni and it's not my desired uni or the time frame I even want to go to school to and ive inky been here for 3 days and realising how other girls are so much more prettier than me, have better clothes, have friend sto hangout with and basically are living their best lives. I couldn't help but feel lonely and the whole day I've been trying not to think about it cause I know comparison the worst thing I cpild even do to myself right now but I can't help it.

I can't help but look at other people living my dream life when I've been trying and peristing for 7 months nows and still haven't gotten one desire of mine. I even reas bmneveiless book to gain more insight on me being the creator of my reality and understood things alot better.

Compared to me now and me when I first found out about loa alot has changed mentally and I'm wrintg this knowing that I'm still going to persist and affirm but I just ha dto let my feeling out and cry alittle(and by that I mean for 2 hours and right now as I type this)

So yes I've made this blog caus edits been something I've been wanting to do and to gold myself accountable. It's late rn and tomorrow I'm going to evaluate myself amd see what I'm doing wrong and give my all again for the nth time cause at the end of the day I've got nothing to lose amd I'd rather try and fail to get my dream life than not try at all.

And I always tell myself that its either my dream life or nothing at all cause if for some reason I'm the only being in this e tire universe ethat can't even get one desire put of my lost of desires. I'd rather die than live I life that I don't want to live in.

I'm not going to proofread this now. im tired mentally and physically, so I'm sorry for the grammar mistakes. I'll probability proof read later.

But I'm going to keep updates on my journey maybe tomorrow this week or this month. But I will come back with a success story.

[edalynn]

huntl0w shippers / toh fans really do dogpile anyone who doesn't ship their fictional OTP and voices a different opinion on their own blog 😭 how dare you hurt the ship's feelings by saying you despise it, i guess! /s

you seem like such a genuinely nice person btw! 💕

They seriously do. TOH is honestly the first time I've ever really outwardly voiced opinions on ships online/on my blog for the most part and the vitriolic hatred I've gotten from it is totally fucking insane. I was like "This will be fine, I have strong opinions that I want to get out and if other people agree, then great, but this is mostly for me to vent" until suddenly it was like. Oh no. But I'm already too deep in now, so I'm sticking to my guns lmao. It's just baffling how I've never actively tracked down huntl0w shippers to criticize or harass them, meanwhile they literally swarm my blog any time a crew member posts or says anything remotely hinting at hl, calling me names and harassing me while in the same ask saying I'm a horrible person for somehow attacking them. They're one of the most delusional sets of shippers I've ever seen, and what's worse is the crew is catering directly to them despite it all :/

And thank you anon 🥺 That really means a lot, you're so sweet 😭

[catboy-jaebeom]

I posted 9,513 times in 2022

That's 6,262 more posts than 2021!

41 posts created (0%)

9,472 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

lefluff

@eyes-of-simha

@meant-to-be-a-hero

@arel-o-imladris

@iforgotmyurl

I tagged 7,353 of my posts in 2022

Only 23% of my posts had no tags

#got7 - 778 posts

#positivity - 740 posts

#!!! - 662 posts

#writing ideas - 613 posts

#writing references - 550 posts

#art - 454 posts

#cats - 289 posts

#queer stuff - 277 posts

#bitter millennial blogging - 250 posts

#hübsche menschen - 226 posts

Longest Tag: 124 characters

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My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

week two of #got7revival: fave era

visually: JayB's Piercing Era

this was the first look and the first couple of pictures I've ever seen of Jaebeom, and although I wasn't present yet when it happened, mentally I'm still there and I cannot wait for him to maybe at least get his nose pierced again. YOU GUYS WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAS HAPPENED!! I've seen the posts of non-ahgase asking who the "piercing guy in GOT7" was, and I wish I had already been a kpop fan at that time, but alas. ( the long hair is a very pretty bonus, too!! )

See the full post

10 notes - Posted October 20, 2022

#4

week one of #got7revival: bias & wrecker

bias: Jaebeom & Youngjae

jaebeom was the first member of GOT7 I found while looking for faceclaims for my fantasy novel about one and a half years ago ( march 2021 ) ; he got me and a friend into kpop and the rest is history. I love this weird cat guy ( affectionate ) with his twin moles and the utter passion and leadership he always brings to the table. I also adore that he talks about his depression and anxiety so relatively openly. he wouldn't need to, and yet he does, and I respect that a lot. it makes even me feel better about myself, and I thought I had a really good grip on mine.

once I knew the members and had gotten familiar with their character and all, I started gravitating towards youngjae as well. I sometimes wonder whether he wouldn't have been my ( actual / only ) bias in GOT7 if a) jaebeom wasn't so very special to me that it feels wrong to switch biases, and b) I had already known the members when I had gotten into GOT7, or if GOT7 hadn't been my very first group and I had already been much more familiar with how groups worked and all that. he's 97 percent shy, innocent maknae, and 3 percent a wicked minx who nobody can be mad at and I love that for him.

the bottom line is that I bias them both and they seem to be okay with having shared custody, if you wanna call it that. I'm calling it that now.

btw, I always consider those people the bias that I have a soft spot for, who I relate to on a personality level, who make me feel all warm and cozy when I watch them do their thing — and the wrecker is the one that just wrecks me with their visuals or voice or whatever it is. I can't look at them for long because that's overwhelming because they're so v attractive ( not saying my biases aren't, but the wreckers just take a bat and swing it at me, while the biases just don't cause that reaction in my brain ) idk, I hope this makes sense, but I've heard people describe biases as the ones that are in "first place" and the wreckers are trying to dethrone them and that's just not my definition of it. kakdif no hate tho! just wanted to explain that.

See the full post

14 notes - Posted October 11, 2022

#3

not to be a nerd on main about this, but we should stop transcribing 형 / 누나 and 오빠* / 언니 as bro / sis. linguistically they have very different connotations and it's kinda driving me up a wall as someone who's very invested and interested in languages, like, I do realize that especially casual watchers of like kdramas, who just started getting into them after Netflix or whomever added a bunch of them to their library, don't really care and that's totally fine with me! it's a considerably small thing, and if you just wanna watch something without diving into the language or culture or anything, then you're totally free to, that's valid, honestly

just. that's not what those words mean, connotation-wise and every time I read "bro!" or "sis!" in Netflix's or even YT's subtitles I die a bit inside.

obviously I'm not Korean and if anyone who speaks the language well / lives in Korea and is well familiar with when those are used, wants to weigh in, feel absolutely free to!

but to break it down briefly, those are honorifics attached to a person's name if they're older than you, but not, like, significantly. older students, older colleagues at work if you're a bit more friendly with them, friends, and ( your actual ) siblings. they are normal and do not immediately imply you view the other person as a sort of sibling from another parent.

yes, they do basically translate to "older brother" / "older sister", but transcribing it with "bro" and "sis" respectively has an entirely different impact than what they are actually supposed to infer. it's a polite suffix, that can in certain situations also imply trust or a more intimate relationship, because otherwise ( especially outside of a school context ) you'd use 씨 ( shee ) after their name. just that nobody especially in a school context does that because they use 형 ( hyeong / hyung ) / 누나 ( noona ) and 오빠* ( oppa ) / 언니 ( eonnie / unnie ) — former is used by males and latter by females, both times to address an older 'brother' / an older 'sister' respectively — either alone or after their name.

the companion piece is adding 아 or 야 (-a for names with a consonant at the end or -ya for those with a vowel ) to the names of people younger than you ( or those you're close with ) — and for example in All Of Us Are Dead they do that all the time and it's not transcribed by cutesy-fying their names is it now. they just put their names into the subtitles and move on.

I personally think it'd be much better to simply use you in any other sentence and if some character yells 형! across the room in distress, to transcribe it with the other character's name for emphasis. that's for me personally the closest, connotation-wise.

or, you know, have hyeong / noona / eunnie / oppa* in the transcript / subtitles in italics and explain it with some translator annotation the first time it appears alone. but that's generally an issue with subtitles on such platforms I feel. they remove words when creating the subtitles and leave out such nuances because gods forbid they'd force casual viewers to pause the show to read the annotations akskdkf. either way,

tl;dr they don't use teen slang in kdramas all the time even if the subtitles would have you believe otherwise and it's probably a problem that stems from companies thinking they can't "bother" their customers with having to pause to read, but I think that's simply taking away important context to a depicted story and I'd really like it to stop, thank you.

*oppa is a bit special because it is also used as a sort of term of endearment by women towards their boyfriends, or like, when they flirt with them pre-relationship, so it can also imply a romantic interest, be mindful of that. but I'd assume then it'd be transcribed with some sort of babe or honey or something.

14 notes - Posted March 4, 2022

#2

week three of #got7revival: fave choreo

See the full post

35 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

can't believe my dear friend Jonathan is so polite he didn't even get angry when his host simply destroyed his shaving mirror, the only working mirror in the whole castle, especially after he didn't see him in said mirror, like, I get you are finally seeming to catch up but Jonathan pls catch up faster, I'm begging

36 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[theworstanonymousblog]

To the worst anonymous blogger

Before we get into the letter, I think I should give you some context on my life. This is a letter to my future self (who is hopefully doing better than I am right now). I've been doing a lot of thinking, which is just so out of character so I thought I should write about it. Now we can get into the letter...

 To the future version of myself, 

    Hi. How are you? I hope everything is going well in your life. I think I need to say how I feel because a lot has been weighing on me. Recently, I've just been thinking about everything. Like usually when there's silence in my everyday life, I listen to music or watch a show, but now I've just been sitting in the silence and thinking. I can't exactly pinpoint what what I'm thinking about, because it's not just one thing. 

    --- I actually eventually narrowed down what I'm thinking to two main points.

Also usually when I'm thinking, I'm daydreaming about the life that you have, but I haven't been doing that as much recently. Instead, I've mostly just been thinking about my life so far, and doing some self-reflection. This past week has been difficult because I've been more homesick than ever. I really don't want to be at college right now. It has nothing to do with the people or the classes - because both of those things are going great now - but it just feels like every day is a battle inside myself. I've though about asking my parents to come pick me up so many times but I haven't because it feels weak. I know that's not actually the truth, but my whole life I wanted to go to a college out-of-state. If I can't even make it an hour and a half away from home for two months at a time, then how was I ever going to make it to a college that was actually far away. And how am I going to make it when I live alone in hopefully a new state after college? So I guess that by forcing myself to stay here, it's a way of me proving to myself that I can be on my own, but it's not as easy as I thought it would be for myself. I also don't want to go home because I don't want my parents worrying about me more than they already are. I feel like I've gotten to a good point in my relationship with my parents recently, but I still don't tell them everything (mostly for Mom's sake because I think she would have a heart attack if I told her some of my stories). So yeah, basically that's why I've been feeling homesick, I think. 

    Also, something that's been weighing on my mind recently is boys. It sounds so stupid, but here I am writing my fucking feelings down. I guess we're just at that level of desperation now. It all started with a boy - let's call him MB. The one that got away (but I never even had him in the first place). 

    --- MB is a whole story that maybe I will write another blog post about someday, but today is not that day. 

I don't know what about him, but he just had some hold over me that made me into an obsessive fangirl. Thinking back on it, I hate the way I literally GLORIFIED him, but he was literally just a boy. He was perfect in my imagination, but I barely even knew him in real life. Anyways, I don't really know why I brought him up - oh, wait. He actually just posted on Instagram today (the nerve), so maybe that's why he's at the forefront of my mind. He got a buzzcut btw. Like he literally couldn't be any more my type!!! Ughhhh, we're backtracking. Ok, now back to the present moment. Boys. The actual story starts on Friday night. Me and like eight other girls were out downtown celebrating our friend Izzy's birthday. Things were a little awkward at first because it was a strange group of people. But as the night went on things became more fun. While we were in line for the most mid freshman bar, we met two boys. One of them immediately started talking to Izzy - good for her, it was her birthday after all. The other one was talking to the rest of us and just being a good wingman for his friend. We walk to other bars and the two boys follow us around everywhere - it's obvious that the one guy is really into Izzy. The other guy starts talking to one of the girls, Sarah. And if you've ever been in a group with guys and girls, then you know whenever there's an uneven number of guys to girls, things get awkward and someone always gets their feelings hurt. Usually, I'm not the kind of girl to get upset about these things. I've prided myself my whole life on being the independent girl who's never needed a boy to feel happy or complete or even to have a good time. And don't get me wrong, I still am that person. That Friday night, I was sad about not being "picked" for maybe half a second, and then I continued to dance like nobody's business on the 9d's dance floor. At the time, just being a girl at a bar was enough for me, but since that night, it's been weighing more heavily on me. Why am I never the girl that gets picked? Is there fundamentally something about me that a guy sees and thinks no? I know in my brain that these are silly questions and that the right guy will love everything about me and all that bullshit, but it's hard until you find that guy. Even later that night when two other guys came up to talk to me, I felt the other "rejections" more than I appreciated the other guys right in front of my face. And even when they were talking to me, all I wanted to do was dance, so what does that mean? I think I maybe just want a dance or karaoke partner? Did I just identify my dream man? Anyways, back to the two other guys. I'm not going to say they were creeps - because they weren't. But they were definitely of legal drinking age and gave me odd (predatory) vibes. So that led me to think -do I scare off normal guys so that the only ones left are weird? I actually have never seen myself white-girl dance so maybe it's my dancing that scares the normies off. But on a more serious note, what about me gives off the vibe that allows weird people to come up and talk to me? These are important questions, because if I'm attracting weirdos, then I might need to buy those drink lid covers. 

    So yeah, I think that's mostly what's been on my mind - homesickness and boys. 

Love, the current version of myself 

[kassiekole22]

ask me things you want to know about me: do you remember the first ever story you've written? And if you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?

why you follow me: on a superficial level, because your blog is incredible and you make the best memes and write even better fics. And now that I know you a bit more personally, it's because you're one of the sweetest and kindest people I've ever met and had the pleasure of getting to know.

what's on your mind/what you're thinking about: right now, I'm procrastinating and thinking about how it's stressing me out that I'm procrastinating. 😂

a compliment: I've said this before but only because it's true. You are deserving of all the best things in life and nothing less.

make me choose between two things: ohh, ok, how about this? If Ghostface called you, would you troll/roast him or have a deep philosophical conversation with him? 😆

ask for advice: hmm, let's see. If I were to buy a choker and I was stuck between one that is red and one black, which one do you think I should go for? This is very important, btw.

tell me a secret: I guess, this doesn't sound much like a secret but it was never brought up. I used to wear glasses. 😅

things you associate me with: some generic things would be FNAF and Scream, Danny Gonzales and Rob Zombie. And some specefic things would be anything dark and gothic. Bats, knives (thanks to your Halloween look 😂), and any doggo vids I come across on YouTube. Also, whenever I see those bold gothic makeup looks, I'm immediately reminded of you for some reason. 😄

anything!!!! DIG THROUGH THE DITCHES AND BURN THROUGH THE WITCHES

ask me things you want to know about me: do you remember the first ever story you've written? And if you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?

Jesus, I wrote a book when I was around six or seven called "Jake The Little Wolf" and it was the first of a series. It was about a little wolf, named Jake, (If you didn't get that from the title. 🤣) and I have no idea what it was about. And right now, it would probably be somewhere in the states, especially because there was some sort of contest where you could stay at Stu's house from Scream. It's not possible now but juuuust in case the opportunity comes back— 👀

why you follow me: on a superficial level, because your blog is incredible and you make the best memes and write even better fics. And now that I know you a bit more personally, it's because you're one of the sweetest and kindest people I've ever met and had the pleasure of getting to know.

Aw, Buddy! 😭 You're too sweet. I'm so glad that I've gotten to know you. 💖💖💖

what's on your mind/what you're thinking about: right now, I'm procrastinating and thinking about how it's stressing me out that I'm procrastinating. 😂

Fuck, that hit me right in the feelings! 🤣

a compliment: I've said this before but only because it's true. You are deserving of all the best things in life and nothing less.

Jesus, Buddy! You're gonna make me cry! 🥺💖

make me choose between two things: ohh, ok, how about this? If Ghostface called you, would you troll/roast him or have a deep philosophical conversation with him? 😆

Hmmmmm… I'd probably say a bunch of pick-up lines and then when he hangs up from being weirded out, I'd call him back for a booty call. 😏 Just kidding. 🤣 Knowing me, I'd probably pester the fucking hell out of him. 😂

ask for advice: hmm, let's see. If I were to buy a choker and I was stuck between one that is red and one black, which one do you think I should go for? This is very important, btw.

Oooo, this is a tough one! Ok, the Goth girl in me is SCREAMING black but I think red would look good on you too. 🖤

tell me a secret: I guess, this doesn't sound much like a secret but it was never brought up. I used to wear glasses. 😅

Awww, I bet you would've looked so cute! 😍🤭

things you associate me with: some generic things would be FNAF and Scream, Danny Gonzales and Rob Zombie. And some specefic things would be anything dark and gothic. Bats, knives (thanks to your Halloween look 😂), and any doggo vids I come across on YouTube. Also, whenever I see those bold gothic makeup looks, I'm immediately reminded of you for some reason. 😄

I am so flattered that these are the things that remind you of me. Especially Bats and Scream for some reason. 😂

anything!!!! DIG THROUGH THE DITCHES AND BURN THROUGH THE WITCHES

I SLAM IN THE BACK OF MY DRAGULA!!!

[sweatandwoe]

would you ever write about trans!man Silco? i know some people don't like writing it/feel uncomfy about it so I understand if you don't. i really love your writing!

I would, but I need a good idea. Like Trans!Silco yes, but like what else? Does he have a chemtech Packer? Is it young!Silco wearing a binder before he could afford top surgery? Sexy times? Is reader and him baking? Getting baked? Are they just chillaxing and enjoying some time together?

DETAILS PEOPLE I NEED DETAILS

[ryoceann]

Hi. Itk here. Believe me, don't, doesn't matter. Thought I'd drop (after you summoned ha) by given the chaos and try to enlighten the ones who choose to believe me, as much as I'm capable of.

The first thing I wanna say is: stop trying to figure out their relationship. You most likely never will. Fans are stuck on both extremes, when the actuality of it is far more in the middle (perhaps even up or down and all around ha). It's complex and strange and not at all "normal" (as normal as they could be, anyways).

It's not as simple as "oh they're just a closeted couple who engage in bearding and have kids and behind closed doors they're just a regular, old married couple and a big, happy rainbow family".

Doesn't sound like itk info, believe me, I get that but observing the fandom I'd say it almost is because most fans simply hang on extreme simplistic ideas of what their relationship is.

Second thing I'd like to say and unfortunately seems like it's not at all obvious but: do not believe anything they share publicly. Not saying they're lying compulsively, but they are public figures and they have a lot at stake to just casually drop the actual truth of any given situation.

Just don't. The same salt you have regarding itks, have towards them. It'd do you some good...Believe me. Unless you are involved in the entertainment or political life, you cannot even begin to fathom what it's really like, the level of manipulation, falsehood and well, overall deviation of it. It's quite disturbing tbh. So just always take whatever's said and shown with a good amount of salt. With public people hardly anything is accidental or casual.

I think the most prominent question now is...Why? Why would they do something like that? Regardless if you have the ingenuity to believe the little scene they made or not...Still, the question lingers.

With my level of "in the knowness" I cannot for sure say the real reason, yet from the pieces I've collected so far, seems to be a multiple gain scheme. It was a high risk, they were well aware, and it paid out in the way they were expecting, minus small bumps here and there. But overall it seemed to have worked in their favor. How in the hell, one would ask?

Believe me, I used my best sneaky capabilities to find out exactly why but they were smart enough to keep this one locked tight, minus a few loose lips. And from those all I've heard was that "whatever the purpose was, it worked out".

As weird as it may sound to the innocent mind, it's actually not at all, given that even leaked nudes are not at all leaked or accidental, and those tend to (at least in the past) get immense amount of backlash. It's not the first time famous folks fake a fight, surely won't be the last.

A lot goes into public image, it's not black and white as "well but it looked bad on Jensen", "it looked bad on the prequel", etc. You'd be surprised as how little this truly matters given the level of manipulation they are able to pull on the public. And well, even with them...It happens all the time. Both made mistakes far worse than just "not telling my bestie about my new project" and fans would eventually let that go and put them back on the pedestal.

So just remember, always: not in the industry? then don't judge anything because you simply do not understand how it works.

Another piece of itk information I can give besides "this was planned and it worked" is: they are fine. From what I've heard they are not fighting over it or going through anything more dramatic than what they usually have been going through ever since they met haha.

So just sit back and chill out. Breathe, read fanfiction and remember that we will never truly get answers, because even what comes out of their mouths are most of the time carefully thought out and directed to have a specific meaning and effect (why do you think Jared mumbles and rambles so much?).

Another interesting piece of itk: you know how they always say they never fight? Even though that sounds insanely hard to believe even if they were just friends because who knows someone for that long and is constantly together and never fights? Unlikely, right? Yes, as obvious as that was. But unfortunately a lot of you seem to believe that, given the level of shock you had for this little twitter feud (as fake as it was). Yeah. They fight. A lot.

They fight as much as individuals in their situation would. Like I said, not at all what most people absentmindedly seem to think it is. They go through a lot. Way more than anyone who isn't in a similar situation would understand. It's messy, although they try their best to make it simpler in the ways they can.

On top of being in a very complex situation, they both have strong personalities and one of them is quite hard to "pin down". So altercations happen a lot, but they know how to deal, and they are exceptionally good at making sure that doesn't interfere in their work (oh well, at least not any work that doesn't benefit from intense emotional exchanges, anyways 😉...chemistry isn't something random, you know? haha).

I find it quite...interesting (to put it nicely) that a lot of hats easily believe they are a couple that lies constantly about almost every aspect of their lives, yet, they cannot believe they would fake a social media narrative. It makes no sense whatsoever.

It'd do you all good to be a little less tendentious and look at them as, you know...Humans? They are not what they seem to be, just as you guys also take in different versions of yourselves in different situations, they do too. And don't be so hopelessly naive to actually believe they see fans as "hashtag family". This is their work. And as grateful as they are for supporters, they certainly do not consider them family. To the point of never lying and trusting you with their life.

I'm sure they love their fans, but come on, saying they would never lie because that's mean to fans is just beyond naive. They've been doing it all along and oh, another interesting info? They don't think they're doing anything wrong.

Yeah, sounds weird, you'd think they'd feel guilty. But again, unless you were media trained, you'd never get it.

From years now if there's one consistent info I've gotten was this: they don't feel obligated to tell you anything. They believe they are doing "what they are supposed to do, the right thing for everyone involved".

So. Yeah. And hell, they are right about not being obligated to say anything about anything, I guess.

Well, I hope that was helpful or at least entertaining. It's hard to share info without accidentally making it obvious who I am for the lurkers (sure you guys were well aware that they lurk around the fandom). But it's safe because as long as I don't provide evidence, I'm fine. Just walking a thin line between sharing and not sharing something too specific that would be easy fir them to know who has that info and although they can't do anything against itks, they can manage to cut us off somehow and I enjoy having access lol, so that'd be a bummer.

Anyways, take itks and J2 themselves with a ton of salt haha! You are lovely, btw, you seem very kind and I enjoy your blog very much! much love!

itk anon everything you said was <333 and i agree with like almost all of it. very nice analysis and ask thank you ! i don't always believe everything j2 put out but the whole stunt being a false narrative just seems wrong so idk what to make of it. regardless i myself can sometimes get carried away in my star-struck love of j2. and i am a tinhat so well :) and now they look to be really good and taking a break from here was well worth it <3

''You are lovely, btw, you seem very kind and I enjoy your blog very much! much love!'' i love u so much hope u have a great day !

[eslanes]

Check-In Tag ✔️

Thank you @saevaei for the tag 💖!

Why did you choose your URL? -- slanes has been my nickname for forever and my first name starts with an e so there ya go!

Any side blogs? If you have them name them and why you have them? -- nope, i'm too unorganized for that!

How long have you been on tumblr? -- i'd been lurking since 2014 but didn't actually make my blog until march 2016.

Do you have a queue tag? -- no, the only time i queue shit is to post before i get up in the morning lol

Why did you start your blog in the first place? -- because i wanted a place to post my ugly sims and also i was learning to make poses at the time!

Why did you choose your icon/pfp? -- my icon is always various pics of Aida because she's my little shithead <3

Why did you choose your header? -- i don't have one! it's an aesthetic choice lolol

What’s your post with the most notes? -- my poses used to get a lot of notes but this post and this post (both nonsims lool) blew the fuck up. according to my phone my top post right now is my american gothic render which is neat

How many mutuals do you have? -- I stopped counting after 100

How many followers do you have? -- 6347 and I love every single one (even the pornbots) 💖

How many people do you follow? -- 649 but a lot of them are nonsims!

Have you ever made a shitpost? -- who am i kidding, everything is a shitpost lol

How often do you use tumblr each day? -- i'm doing school from home now so all the fucking time!

Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won? -- bahahaha unfortunately yes. i've gotten into it with curbs (fuck you), newsea (also fuck you), grafity (you're a grifter) but i was also in a months long racket with some taylor swift fan blog who accused me of stealing her ugly ts sim (i did not, btw). i've also had falling out with some people i thought were pals but that's it.

How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts? -- it depends on what it is. i've gotten better with reblogging things but i still have a lot of anxiety around it

Do you like tag games? -- yeah!

Do you like ask games? -- hell yeah!

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? -- alex! sam has also gotten simblr famous (and we're all very proud!) also i'm not gonna out them but a nsft fam member is legit a very famous ts2 simmer under a different username :) i'm surrounded by celebrities 🤩

Do you have a crush on a mutual? -- @ladykendalsims 😍

Tags? -- @glammoose @therichantsim @xldkx @ladykendalsims @bustedpixels and YOU! (feel free not to haha)

[i-may-be]

Hello there! I'd like both romantic + platonic for Mha and Haikyuu <3

I'm an ISTP 3w4, Capricorn sun, libra rising and Capricorn moon. I go by She/her and He/him amd don't mind getting matched up with any gender.

I'm a pretty quiet person, I'm not shy tho! I would say i'm a chill but chaotic person, the people who usually see the chaotic part is the people who I'm extra sure I can trust and comfortable with. I'm blunt, straightforward, self critical, hilarious and pretty confident, amd i'm also pretty intimidating and have a scary presence. My style is hard to explain so here's my borard https://pin.it/7fvLsuM. When people first meet me they call me boring and way too mature for my age, they say I don't laugh and I'm SO shy and insecure but not true at all actaully. If you actually knew me you would know that I'm pretty childish(alot of my jokes consist of deez nuts), I'm not shy I just dont talk to alot of people and I'm not insecure I'm confident and I know i'm hot. Oh and you will always catch me making faces, I have great body language and tend to talk with my face instead of my words.

My interests are Video games( love ff7, bayonetta, hades, genshin, persona 5, Catherine: full-body and Danganronpa), Psychology, Philosophy, Dancing(I'm like amazing at dancing hehe), literature, deez nuts, k-pop, electric guitar, Unsolved true crimes and I've been really interested in witchcraft lately. I really dislike being bored( like every second you will hear me complain about how bored I am) and being around awkward people that's really it like I don't hate anything else. I love burgers and I will only eat pizza if it has meat(😏) on it. Recently I've been way too obsessed with music so my favorite song artists are Tyler the creator, Takayan, Kendrick Lamar, Lana del rey, polo g and melanie martinez. My favorite colors are Black, Dark green and Blood red. I really like physical activities(well at least sometimes) like playing sports, Volleyball, badminton and Frisbee are my favs. I can speak French, I've been learning French since grade 1 so i'm pretty much fluent ;)

I have a fear of failure which makes me not raise up my hand In class and I really have to stop cause it's ruining my grades. I would say I'm smart but dumb at the same time. I love helping people but I hate asking for help idk why tho.

Like I said before with people I'm comfortable with I'm really chaotic and if we're really close friends watch out cause I'll flirt with you and it'll most likely just be at the most random time ever ONLY IF WERE REALLY CLOSE tho. My type would honestly just be someone who is fun, encourages me to go out of my comfort zone, say like really dumb stuff with me and can have serious or just random greek mythology talks with me ;)

I'm like extremely forgetful btw but I forgot 2 things! I'm black and I have a really deep voice, I've gotten mistaken as a boy alot cause of it lol.

Mk then take your time and thank you <3

hello! thank you for choosing this blog for your matchup <3

HAIKYUU

PLATONIC MATCHUP: Miya Atsumu

HOW YOU MET

You met on a train. He was there with Osamu being an annoying twat. His annoying ass dragged you into their conversation asking your opinion on something.

You went against him an he was like "no! no, no, no" and listed his reasons why you're wrong and he is right.

It was really hard not to be dragged into their conversation because this man talks so much shit and so loudly, you just have to sit there wondering who he's talking about and who told who what.

It was just hard to not when he was such a talkative guy with a brother who seems to be opposing everything he says.

He asked you for your number/social media(s) when you had to leave at your stop, and you better know he does not play around when he says he'll keep in contact.

RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS

There's a voice in the back of my mind that says Atsumu absolutely knows your entire birthchart. If he sees you looking down he is looking to the stars for advice, and he does it for himself too. I'm not sure what struck this thought in me but astrology hoe Atsumu is most definitely a bestie.

"Deez nuts" jokes and others like it are very common in your friendship and it's horrible. Nobody around you thinks it's funny, you both look like your losing it please. ANYHOW, your excuses to make them are sometimes to strange but it's ok he finds them funny. You're hilarious(real).

In the situation where your both super close bestie, you guys are platonic flirters. For him it's a way of hyping you up(??? I'm confused too)

Finds it hilarious when people who aren't close with you talk about you. They'll make assumptions and he's just trying to keep a straight face like "yuh-uh, mhm, so true". I think he likes the drama of people being misinterperted, it's like a secret he's gotta help keep or something like that.

HANGING OUT

He plays Genshin and whenever you're both on you are absolutely killed with pings for him requesting to join your world(not how it works but it's for emphasis). He just really likes the co-op function. He's a Childa main because ofc he is, have you seen him, that's a Childe haver if I've ever seen one.

Volleyball!! I don't know what position you play but that shouldn't matter because you all have friends to play with >:) Even if they're hesitant at first, no use fighting Atsumu's persistent nagging.

Going out to eat!!! Maybe not even going out to eat, you can just order. Enjoying food together is good for bonding!!! You guys have good food taste,I kinda want a burger smh. I'm sorry I'm hungry.

Hanging out in friend groups!!! Atsumu is a social person who will drag you out to be with a group of friends at any chance he gets. AND if you invite him out with friends, instant excitement! You'll lowkey regret it cause he will both you non-stop with confirmations on who's going, when, etc.

ROMANTIC MATCHUP: Michinari Akagi

HOW YOU MET

You got his number from a mutual friend and when you transferred your phone over to a new one, the contact names didn't transfer.

You both start talking when you text him like "who are you?" and he replies but then you're both a lil too awkward to just end conversation so you talk a little.

Turns out you both have similar interests! Friendship!!

So you both talk over text, and funny enough you both first meet in person thanks to your mutual friend who invited you both out. They were surprised to find out you weren't basically strangers.

Thank your mutual friend fr, cause you guys would've probably lost touch without that one.

RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS

Genuinely pissed we didn't get more of him, but I hc that he has a dog+cat and they adore you!! If you're allergic scratch this idea it's just a headcanon, but his pets with you <3 Like his dog is a bulldog(named Bip) and the sweetest little boy, and whenever you sit down in the same room as his cat(Nip), is making a beeline to lie beside you. Akagi thinks it's adorable <3

I firmly believe he's laughed at some of your facial expressions before, like fr. Like ya'know how some expressions just really add to things?? Yes, that's exactly it, that's why it's so funny to him.

This mf is the most encouraging person when you wanna take a risk. He knows ways to quietly motivate you so you won't even notice him pushing you to do new things!! I feel like that takes pressure off of the situation personally so I hope that suits!!

Honestly he's just so sweet and supportive <3 He's so careful when you're opening up about something or you just seem upset.

HANGING OUT

This man can and will play any sport with you. You wanna play badminton? He's already getting the shuttle cock(hah). Feeling some frisbee?? I think his dog will be devouring the frisbee before you can get a good time out of it. Sports are fun, honestly.

Walking his dog Bip!! I feel like his pets are just a really big part of his life so I'm sorry if this is a lot!! You guys will walk around, talking together and getting treats for yourselves at the local shop!

Watching Unsolved true crimes together>>> This dude was gifted a book about the Jack the Ripper case when he was like 10 and has been a fan ever since. Discuss it with him, there's probably few crimes he hasn't gone to the whiteboard to think about.

Puzzles and challenges together!! Maybe you help him learn French or you both play "it takes two" together!! I think it would be hard to feel asleep with him because he just has a very alive vibe, like a tree or smth(does that make sense??)

MY HERO ACADEMIA

PLATONIC MATCHUP: Mina Ashido

HOW YOU MET

You both met as the wingmen of your friends. Like you were hyping them up to ask each other out and both ended up spending time together by default.

I just feel like the best friends of love interests becoming besties is one of the best troupes like it makes me <333

Seeing how your friends were very slow with whatever they were doing, you both complained to each other about it more than once.

But yeah, you both came together to make plans to push them into hanging out more until eventually they gave in and went on a date.

Who even cares what happened in their romantic relationship because you two become besties over the fun of getting them together.

RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS

I firmly believe Mina is already the kind of friend to flirt shamelessly with friends, so expect a couple dumb pickup lines. She says the ones you'd find on a "Top 100 cheesy pick-uplines" article or something, you'd almost assume she had them memorised.

If you guys have crime time, which I feel like you would, Mina is going to be recommending anything she finds to you. You'll get a random text from her doing "dude, dude, dude, look into this and let's talk about it!!" and then you both talk about it and she's just so happy about it it's sweet <3

She would know a shit ton of celebrity gossip for absolutely no reason. She could give you an essay on why she thinks Camilo Cabello and Shawn Mendes broke up(they broke up right?). She doesn't care all that much, but it's fun to her and you have to suffer through that.

She's asked you for the homework multiple times, and she's probably talked to you during class multiple more times. Very much a pain in class when and if you want to listen. She just gets so side-tracked and sends you notes with a doodle of a cat asking your opinion on it or something stuid like that.

HANGING OUT

Now we all know that Mina's a dancing queen, so you guys being dance buddies <3 She's really fun to do cheoreography to songs with since she has good rhythm.

I'm not sure why but I have this idea that Mina knows how to read Tarot cards. Like if you ever want a reading she would jump at the opportunity. Please ask her, I beg. If you know how to read them too(I'm pretty sure they're associated with witchcraft?) than she's probably asked you for a lil telling :)

This is going to sound really strange, but imagine you're both really tired while hanging out. Mina has this bright idea to read out horribly written fanfiction to you(think that one Harry Styles fanfic that was turned into a movie). It's safe to say it was cringeworthy and incredibly funny.

She would destroy you in badminton, I am so sorry. The only way you'd be able to get the upperhand is if she gets incredibly cocky, which isn't crazy hard. I think she's really good at pretending she's putting a lot of energy into it and making you think it'll go far when i like hardly makes it over the net.

ROMANTIC MATCHUP: Kyoka Jirou

HOW YOU MET

As her parents are famous musicians, she gets stopped in the streets with her parents sometimes with them being recognised.

She awkwardly strayed away from her parents in a shop once when they were recognised and awkwardly looked through books.

You noticed this and saw that the books she was looking at were really boring and underwhelming so you decided to save this poor soul.

Thankful for the advice, she asked you for your recommendations on other books.

You both had a delightful conversation :)

RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS

I feel like she would take some of your clothes. Like she'll see on of your tops and she's like "oh that's cute, can I borrow it??". Similar styles, or maybe she just likes the clothes you wear and wants to see them on herself. It's cute methinks :]

Greek mythology nerds rise up!! I think she really really likes the gods Persephone, Aphrodite and Hermes but I'm not sure why??? I think she just really enjoys the stories and versions of stories?? Either way they're her favourites to talk about.

I feel like she'd ask you to sing atleast once, or give you vocal lessons if you wish. She just really loves your voice and finds it so soothing, so she would love to see if it would go well with another thing she loves, music! Does that make sense??? I'm not sure just know she really loves your voice :]

You guys are so cute, i amn't joking. Like both of you pushing each other out of your comfort zones <3 you guys pushing each other to ask for help more <3 you guys helping each other become less self-critical <3 you guys <3 I feel like nobody is able to deny that you both care about each other.

HANGING OUT

Gamer gf irl fr. I feel like she's really skilled at games and also likes getting involved in the community with theorising and just having some fun. She likes to play games with you <3

Talk to her about anything and she'd have a very personalised view on it. She's a very analytic person, who has good intellect. She's an absolutel delight to talk to about literacture, or pop culture, or anything or the sort!!

Music time!! Jirou is musically talented, surprise surprise, so you know that the second she finds out you play electric guitar she is going to lose it with excitement. She'll ask questions, join you in practice, recommend songs to play. She's enthusiastic about it all.

I feel like you guys would get together to react to stuff and I'm not sure why. Like maybe a band you both like are premiering a new album so you meet up to listen to it! Or a new update of a game is coming so you spend the day waiting to play it for the first time! Does that make sense? I hope so!

[bippityboppitybibuck]

hey, yeah, what the FUCK happened this episode. i've been trying to follow along with the live blogs and its honestly just chaos

Hey anon!!!

Okay so a lot happened and a lot didn’t. And that was the problem, I’ve not been in the fandom long and honestly until about two months ago I had never heard the term bucklemming (and until two hours ago I didn't know it was two people).

However, the fandom has a long-standing issue with them because of pacing issues in their episodes and OOC writing (ie jack not giving two shits that Cas was still in the empty despite knowing about the deal and what would have happened to get him taken by it) and their absolute love of Lucifer.

So quick run down of plot, (apologies this did not stay as short as i planned)

Everyone in the world is dead, Dean tells Sam and Jack that Cas is gone and there are literally no questions asked, they go back to the bunker and a couple days have passed, Dean passes out surrounded by booze but that's pretty much all the mourning we see him do

They follow jacks ‘i feel an energy’ thing to a church but first they make a pit stop at a gas station where Dean finds a dog; Chuck then immediately kills the dog once Dean is all excited that something else survived with them

They go to the church and see Michael who tells them that Adam died in the rapture (yes what chuck did was the rapture) they head back to the bunker and Dean gets a call from Cas but its actually Lucifer at the door and he's here to fuck shit up but wait maybe he’s here to help, he pops a reaper into the bunker (her names betty) and then kills her immediately and she becomes the new death (because the first reaper to die after Death is killed takes over (which seems like a bad system considering decades might go by before a reaper is killed after a death dies but alas) no one questions what happened to all the other reapers by the way but that's not currently relevant) 

Because only death can read the death books betty starts reading chucks and after a few sentences luci kills her (rip betty 2020) luci reveals that he wasn't on their side (shocker there folks) and he and Michael duke it out, Luci dies (thankfully) and Sam starts to translate the book because not only is death the only one who can read the book but they are the only ones who can OPEN the book to meaning that the book had been sealed this whole time

Sam works out a spell and its ingredients and they (the three of them and Michael) go to the literal same place they burned Cas’ body in 13x01 because why not (btw this is not ever addressed) and set the spell up but it doesn't work

Chuck shows up and kills Michael for consorting with dean sam and jack (even tho he was still working for chuck and trying to do right by his father) and proceeds to beat the fucking shit out of dean and sam, they refuse to give in and keep standing up (on several broken limbs might i add) this goes on so long it feels like when luci was beating dean to a pulp in swan song. 

Finally they confuse chuck enough to make him turn around and jack is up and looking like he wants to fuck shit up. he ends up doing the same move to chuck as he did Michael while he was possessing rowena in s14 and chuck collapses

Dean responds to chucks comment about being a killing machine by saying “no I'm not” which we all think is a call back to Cas’ speech before he died. 

The heroes explain that jack had become a power vacuum (actual dialogue) (remember the flowers jack killed in the silo?) and that over these past days he's been absorbing the power that is let off by things, ie, luci and Michael fighting, the plants and flowers, chuck pummeling dean and sam (bc why rip off just infinity war when you can rip off the entire lore behind the black panther suit/ vibranium too)  

Chuck is left powerless after this and dean sam and jack drive off as a now human chuck essentially grovels on the ground. they head into town and jack brings back everyone who was killed by god in the previous episode and then gives a really weird speech that confirms that he is in fact the new god (and that amara is now in him and they are in harmony) but says he's gonna be hands off and legit just glows a bunch and disappears. 

Dean and sam go back to the bunker and realize they don't have to worry about chucks control on them, we get a like four min montage of the entire show and then they literally drive off into the sunset.  

some important notes, Cas was not brought back to life despite it being stated clearly in the episode that god has the power to bring angels back from the empty, no one even asks jack to do it and jack doesnt do it on his own

there is no mention of Bobby Donna Charlie Eileen or anyone else that was killed in 15x18

Sam never asks dean about cas, having apparently gotten all the info he needed in the sentence ‘cas is gone, the empty took him’ 

honestly the only plot thread wrapped in this ep was god’s and while that might seem big its not really enough like the episode was lacking in a lot of areas

Its been said that Bucklemming hates both Cas and Misha, and that they are literally obsessed with bibro (loving sam and dean equally- a fan made term to stop the sam girls and dean girls from fighting i think) and that they are really really into the whole ‘the show is about two brothers and the open road’ which the show hasn't been about since maybe season two or three 

I'm not sure if you can tell from my synopsis (Again sorry it got so long) that a lot of the characters seemed off, Jack not caring that Cas was still dead, Dean not mourning, sam not giving two shits either way, sam not caring to check in on eileen, neither of them checking in with their hunter friends, Michael switching back over to chucks side despite his actions in 15x09, the fact that no one mentioned the plot holes in the ep (by that i mean within the episode no one had questions about the things that didn't fit, like Michael never questioned how a book that could only be read by death was being decoded by Sam)

overall the episode was bad, objectively, not from a destiel shipper standpoint bad. there are many ideas floating around about 15x20 considering this episode really felt like the end of spn, people are mentioning that the relationship arcs are unfinished and that Dabb (whos writing the next one and who has written many of the quinticential destiel episodes) will save the day. Im holding out hope that 15x20 will be better (which should be too hard to achieve after that shit show) 

I'm sorry if this is a mess I'm a bit all over the place but I wanted to make sure you got even a partial answer

[dredreadsdrawing]

Oc-tober Day 7: Fear

Hoohoo i suck at shading :'0 The second pic was the firdt concept art I drew of these gals. Then came the pencil sketches and lastly the one on top.

I've already got a Quickie summary of this story in my writing blog explaining who these characters are and what's going on, link HERE. So for this piece, I'll write the scene I drew lol. In it, only Kylee and the Wrath kid are left, but before they get a showdown, God gives them one last mercy. A night without worries. Anything they want, they will grant. Btw, I have decided on official names for these gals. Kylee the fangirl and Paloma the patient ghost.

~~~~

This was it.

Tomorrow, everything was bound to come to an end.

It felt unreal to Kylee. How far she's come, her numerous near death experiences, how nice their room was. God really knew how to treat em when they weren't being careless.

Still, God's assurance of a last peaceful night was a load off their shoulders. A blessing, you might even say.

Chevre left the scene immediately, deciding to spend their last day as a ghost doing their own kooky things. They felt robbed for not dying sooner to do it.

That left Kylee and Paloma, the original duo, to spend the night alone. Just like the good ol days.

They tried the hot tub, snacked on expensive sweets, watched Kylee's favorite episodes of her favorite shows, and had a great time.

Just like normal girls their age would spend a sleepover.

When it got super late, the magic of the tranquility was wearing off. Reality settled back in. Tomorrow was the end. No more fighting, no more floating. The ghosts would be reborn and someone new would be God.

A child. Both contestants left were underage.

And they had to fight eachother to the death. Kylee and Paloma agreed that if she won, she would pick older candidates next time. No kid should go through what she's gone.

Circling back to the competition, they talked about their opponent and his many helpers. They'd seen how ruthless he was. Opportunistic and never one to hesitate. He was a tough rival for sure.

Kylee got quiet for a bit, and Paloma squeezed her shoulder.

"Come on, cookie. Let's sleep early."

They snuggled onto the bed. Two had been accommodated for them, but they were used to sleeping in the same one. It was their piece of comfort.

After settling down, Kylee worded her next question carefully. She had already asked it before, when she first saw Paloma as a ghost, but it didn't hurt to have the answer retold.

What was it like to die?

Paloma stiffened. Her eyes softened. Her voice cracked a bitter smile.

"It hurts. Especially when you start struggling back. But once it's done, all you get is wave after wave of relief. Like when you ace a test you didn't study for." She laughed. It ended breathily.

Kylee didn't like her expression. She had seen it come up a lot in the past few days. And she knew exactly what it meant. She brought Paloma closer and held her face. Looking into her eyes, she asked as quietly as she could.

"... have you regretted it?"

Paloma shivered. Her eyes burst. She whimpered, and Kylee immediately brought her to her chest, letting her cry. Not a single tear stained her shirt.

"I was... So sure I did the right thing..."

"You did..."

Kylee remembered those first days. How surprisingly proud she seemed to have taken her own life. To be done with life and humanity. But as time wore on, her sentiments changed.

"I couldn't help it... I wondered... What would have happened if..."

She paused as sge choked on her words. Kylee gave her a pat. "It's ok..."

"No, it's not!" Paloma got up, her face a darker shade. "We could have been a team. We could have stuck together for as long as we could. Or- I could have been in your shoes right now. I could have been the one that made it to the end. Instead of putting all this pressure.... For you to do the right things."

Paloma was calming down, she rubbed her eyes. Kylee helped brush a tear from her cheek.

"I'm sorry I died so fast."

The words stung. Kylee wasn't taking this.

"Don't say that! If one of us is the bad one... It's... Me."

Kylee rubbed her arm. Paloma shook her head. "Not this again, Kylee-"

"I was a jerk. I admit it. I knew what was going on with you but I never stepped in. Really, Palo," Kylee started hyperventilating. Paloma rushed to embrace her. Their roles had effectively switched.

"If I had reached out to you sooner... If I was more involved... Someone better..." Kylee took Paloma's hand. Together, they squeezed them.

"If I was someone like you..."

"Stop it..."

So many what ifs lingered in their minds. So many paths they could have taken. Together.

But here they were, stuck. One as a ghost and the other possibly becoming a deity. About to fight for the right to be.

"Atleast... I got to show you my favorite stores. .." Paloma laughed at the memory of Kylee dragging her around unwillingly.

"We didn't even buy anything. You just had us people watch the entire day."

"But you had a good time anyways, didn't you?" The smiles are back. Paloma tilts her head and rests it on Kylee's shoulder.

"I did..."

While her death was premature, she had to count the small blessing that was her ability to stick to Kylee as a ghost. She got to see more than the bubble she knew. She got to make friends. And...

Kylee couldn't help the kiss she gave Paloma's forehead. Paloma's face burst and she laughed.

She got to feel so loved.

"Okay, Ms. God, settle back down. Tomorrow is... A big day."

Kylee snickered as she laid back down, Paloma following. After another small silence, Kylee's big mouth continued asking.

"If I win... What kind of life do you want?"

They hadn't touched the topic of Paloma's reincarnation.

The reality of her living without Kylee was too much.

Still, now that it was a serious possibility... This was a talk they needed to have. Paloma moved away a bit.

"Well, you're so creative Kylee, I'm sure you'll give me the best life..."

"But... I want to know what YOU want!"

Paloma was stunned for a bit, touched. Kylee really cared for her opinion. The selfish onlooker she first met was long gone.

"I'm being honest..." Paloma looked away. "I want whatever you give me. I trust you."

Kylee's stomach sank. She felt the weight of the world on her shoulders, now more than ever.

Paloma looked back at Kylee's serious expression, and she laughed some more. This was too serious for their last night together. "Stop worrying about it, cookie." She laid back down ans snuggled to her side. "Worry about surviving tomorrow. Only you can guarantee me that happy ending."

Kylee's gut sank further. It was the truth, but the pressure was on. She watched Paloma close her eyes and over time, drift away, her sleep as sound as when she was alive.

But Kylee couldn't follow, couldn't even stand to blink. Her anxiety was at an all time high. She had to win. She had to make it up to Paloma. She would be a good god, and rule like her girlfriend would.

Kylee's eyes watered again, mourning prematurely the departure to come. She looked to the ceiling. She would make Paloma happy. She knew her favorite foods, her favorite books, her favorite everything. She would give her the world on a platter, make her have the most fulfilling life. From wealth, to friends, to health and romance. Romance.

Yes.

Kylee was a multishipper. Kylee knew people could mesh well with more than one person. She could find Paloma another lover, a better one!

She would be fine.

Her stomach's knots stayed in place, no matter how long she repeated that phrase.

Yeah, Paloma would be fine.

But Kylee wouldn't.

Kylee had gotten what she wanted.

She would be alone now. Free from societal conventions. Free to do what she wanted. Free to people watch, free to bend wills, free to mess around and turn her ideas into reality.

She will find her own happiness. Somehow. The sentiment felt hollow in her chest.

Panic set in again.

What was she doing? What had she done?

She turned and looked at Paloma's face once more.

If she didn't win... There would be no more world. No more Kylee. No more Paloma.

These were her only options. Stay alone forever, or lose everything.

For the first time since the start of the game, she felt afraid of the outcome.