#this is why i wish you could like comments on ao3 or tags on tumblr

[videogamelover99]

Just saw a post and I guess I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and say this controversial hot take but:

If you are posting something for free, no one owes you interaction for your work.

Not likes, or reblogs, or comments or kudos. No one is obligated to give you feedback. No one is obligated to give me feedback. At the end of the day, you're posting something because you decided you want it to be out there, and no positive interaction with your work is guaranteed.

Is it common curtesy to leave a like on a piece of art or writing you enjoy? Sure.

Is it benefitial to you, the reader, to leave a comment, because if you want to see more from an artist or writer, interacting with their work will make it more likely they will post more? Sure.

No one is obligated to do anything here. It's all about if there is incentive, and if posting online is the equivalent of posting on a locked page that no one sees, those insentives for the artist are gone. They can still draw, but they don't have to post any of their work.

Everyone talks about how unfair it is that us creators don't get enough feedback, but like, what about the other way around? Leaving a kudos or likes isn't much, but leaving a comment? Some tags? And receiving radio silence in answer? Yeah, that kinda sucks too. What incentives do people have for leaving comments? Because that still takes a good amount of effort if it's not a generic "nice".

[2baabbies]

🖤 Snap Out of It (Felix x Reader) 🖤

Crossposted under 2Babbies on Ao3 <3

Words: 6500

Summary: You are trying to give your ex-boyfriend a second chance after breaking up with him, but you find yourself questioning the decision when he continuously texts you during your night out with Seungmin. Luckily, Felix appears and helps you work through your emotions. He even gives you the perfect ultimatum: go home with your ex, or go home with him (inspired by the Arctic Monkeys song).

Humour + Smut + Fluff

afab + fem!reader

CWs: shitty boyfriend that is implied to be emotionally manipulative, breaking up with said boyfriend, judgemental bff seungmin (but he cares you I promise), drinking/alcohol consumption (reader barely drinks, felix is sober)

Smut Tags: safe sex/use of condom, teasing, playful sex, love confessions before/during sex, praise kink, vaginal fingering, doggystyle

!!ATTENTION!!

Reposting this fic to other platforms, including as a translation, is expressly prohibited. Do not copy, alter, or claim this fic as your own. Absolutely no permission is given to anyone to post my works, even with credit, and this fic should only appear on Ao3 or Tumblr under my accounts. Reposting is not only plagiarism, but a direct violation of my wishes as the original writer and owner. Please respect writers and don’t steal!

Likes, reblogs, asks and comments are very welcome and appreciated <3

~~~

Seungmin’s eyes flick judgmentally between you and your phone as another text lights up the screen. You avert your gaze and pretend not to notice as you sip your water.

“Didn’t you answer him?”

“Hm?”

Seungmin clears his throat.

“Your boyfriend? You answered him already, right?”

You slide your phone away as your friend attempts to decipher the messages from across the table.

“Yeah, he’s just worried.”

“Possessive is more like it.”

“He’s working on it.”

“Is he?”

You glare softly and open the texts. Multiple variations of ‘where are you’ and ‘I miss you’ grace your vision. You send a quick reply about how you are safe and having fun with your friend then place your phone, face-down, on the table. Seungmin stares at it and peers suspiciously as it buzzes on.

“He just worries about me. He’s anxious and wants me to get home safe.”

“He’s jealous. He can’t handle that you’re out with me.”

“That has nothing to do with it.”

He cocks his head.

“Really? Are you sure about that? Is this how he is everytime you leave the house?”

“No, it’s just late and we’re at a bar so there could be drunk drivers or something when we leave.”

“But you’re sober, and I’ve had one drink, so that should ease his mind a little bit. His problem is me.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Why are you being so stubborn?”

“He doesn’t even know I’m with you so it’s definitely not that.”

“What?”

You stare at each other in silence before you take a long sip of your drink.

“Hm?”

“You didn’t tell him you’re with me? Why?”

You shrug.

“No reason.”

“You can’t tell him you’re alone with a guy, right?”

“No-”

“y/n, that is a huge red flag! Why are you back with this guy?”

Words fail you but you still scramble for an answer. 

“He’s trying- we want to make it work. He’s not a bad guy, we’re fixing our issues, he just gets a little emotional but we’re going to make it- I’m going to help him do better. We’re going to be better, for each other.”

Seungmin stares at you with a stressed expression.

“Are you mad at me?” You ask softly.

“Not mad.”

“Don’t say it.”

“Just dis- oh, hey Felix. Did you dye your hair?”

Your head snaps up as Felix steps up to the table. His eyes crinkle as he shoots you a smile. Your heart skips as you take him in. His usual bleached locks are dyed a striking blue and tied into a messy ponytail.

“I did, Seungmin. Thanks for noticing.”

You find yourself frozen. Was there something else different about him? You had always found Felix attractive but something had changed. You find yourself unable to look away as he rests one hand on the back of your chair and leans casually at your side.

“Um, blue? It’s hard to miss. When did you get back?” Seungmin asks.

“Just this morning.”

“How was Australia?”

“Oh, it was stunning. I spent every day on the water. It’s just gorgeous there in the summer, you know?”

The glow of Felix’s skin is nearly golden, his complexion is significantly tanner than when he left a month ago. Each freckle on his face looks more pronounced and draws your attention like scattered stars in the sky. Seungmin rises from his seat and toasts to the Aussie, finally snapping you out of your trance.

“Well, I’m glad to have you back. Now pardon me: I think I see Chan and, uh, I’m honestly not drunk enough for the lecture that needs to happen right now. So you have fun dealing with her.”

“Seungmin,” You plead.

He waves and chugs his drink as he makes his escape. Felix slowly turns to you with a pleasant smile as you sigh in frustration. He gestures to the empty chair.

“May I?”

“Go ahead.”

He takes his seat and brightens your miserable state as he rests his chin in his hands and watches you happily.

“So…”

“You had a good time in Australia?”

“Yeah, thanks for asking. What about you? What have you been up to?”

“Um, you know, the usual…”

“Oh yeah?”

“Um, I broke up with my boyfriend. Then got… back together with my boyfriend.”

Felix’s brow furrows gently.

“You don’t sound happy about it.”

“I am. But we’re still working things out.”

“Right.”

You check your phone and purse your lips as you read the last message from your boyfriend: I’m coming to pick you up, send me your location and wrap it up for the night . You sigh and drop your phone on the table. When you look up Felix is watching you with the softest frown.

“Is that him?”

“Yeah.”

“You look upset.”

You clear your throat.

“I’m not. He’s just… a little stressed out.”

“Is he bothering you?”

“No, no.”

“y/n,” He says firmly, “Be honest, please. I’m not going to be upset with you.”

“He, uh, he wants me to come home.”

He nods.

“Do you want to go home?”

“Not really.”

You sit in silence for a moment. You tap absentmindedly at the condensation on your glass, drawing little shapes with your finger. He continues to watch you, his arms folded now on the table as he studies you with a sympathetic smile. You look up slowly when he speaks again.

“It’s not my place to make assumptions about your boyfriend, but I do know that when I was away everyone was very relieved when you two broke up. I think they saw that you were a lot happier without him. So I don’t care about the semantics of whether or not he’s a good guy or why no one likes him: are you happier being with him than you are without him?”

“I’m happy with him.”

“But could you be happy without him?”

“I want to be with him.”

“I’m not saying you don’t. But are you happy?”

You check your phone again. The volume of messages overwhelms you, so you drop it again.

“He’s tiring. I know it all comes from a good place but I wish he would just respect my space.”

Felix nods gently.

“Of course. Sometimes when people care a lot they don’t know how to respect boundaries. It’s really important that you can set boundaries with him, though. If he cares about you it shouldn’t feel like he’s controlling you.”

“I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to say it so it won’t upset him.”

Felix extends his hand and you hesitantly hand him your phone. He reaches his other hand out and takes yours gently as your fingers drum on the table. He gives you a reassuring squeeze as he types out a message, then he places your phone on the table and slides it back to you.

“How does this sound?”

“I don’t think he’ll like that.”

You feel your chest stir as you look up at Felix’s warm gaze.

“I think he needs to hear it.”

You read the message Felix typed again: I’m still out with friends and I’m not ready to go home yet. If you still want to, you can pick me up later when I call you. I would really appreciate it then. 

“What if he gets mad?”

Felix’s thumb rubs a comforting circle in the back of your hand.

“He won’t. He shouldn’t. You’re allowed to decline his offer, and you shouldn’t do what he wants just to avoid a fight.”

Your finger hovers over the send button.

“What if he won’t pick me up?”

“Then I’ll drive you home.”

Your fingers clench into a fist as you draw your hand back from the phone. Felix watches the action then watches your expression.

“He really wouldn’t like that.”

“Right. Well, you can send the message if you want and we’ll go from there.”

“I don’t know, maybe I should just go home, Lix.”

Your stomach drops as another message comes in. The only relief is the unconditional patience in the smile Felix gives you.

“Why don’t I give you another option?”

“What’s that?”

“Send the message and put your phone away. Then, at the end of the night when you’re ready, you can either go home with your boyfriend or you can go home with me.”

“With you?”

He nods.

“But only if you send that message.”

You look back at your phone.

“Would you really let me spend the night with you?”

“Darling, of course. You don’t even have to question it. I want you to enjoy the rest of your night. Don’t let him control what you want.”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s your decision. I’m here to support you either way.”

You send the message, quick to rip off the metaphorical bandaid, then turn your phone over. Your eyes must be anxious, because Felix reaches across the table to take your other hand.

“y/n, I am so proud of you.”

“I don’t know. That didn’t feel good.”

“Take a deep breath,” You do as he says, “You did the right thing. Now, promise me you won’t look at your phone again until you want to leave?”

“I promise.”

“Yeah?”

You nod and free one of your hands to turn off your phone. He watches then gives you a congratulatory pat on your clasped hands.

“See? I knew you could do it. Good girl.”

You laugh softly and duck your head as your cheeks heat up. He gives you another pat then rises from his seat. He extends his hand and you rise as well as you take it.

“Come on, let’s go find Seungmin.”

Seungmin is at the bar with Chan and Hyunjin when you find him. The latter beams when he notices you and Felix.

“Hey Felix! Hey y/n!”

Chan looks over his shoulder and grins. Felix separates from you to give his friends a hug. Seungmin rolls his eyes and passes them to whisper to you.

“So, you look happier.”

“Um, yeah. Felix is going to drive me home, and I turned my phone off so I can have a good time.”

“Good, you should’ve done that at the beginning of the night.”

You roll your eyes.

“Aren’t you just full of great advice?”

“Are you coming to dance with me or not?” Seungmin complains as he wanders away.

“Just wait a second.”

You catch Felix’s eye as you turn towards him and he steps away from Chan and Hyunjin to whisper to you. His hand gently grasps your elbow as he hovers over you.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just going to dance with Seungmin.”

He smiles, dazzling you for a moment, then replies. “Alright, have fun. I’ll be around. Let me know when you wanna head out, yeah?”

You nod and reluctantly part from him. He winks over his shoulder before taking his place beside his friends and you turn away to find Seungmin. 

You surprise Seungmin by poking his back when you find him again. He curses softly and turns to you, glaring as you mischievously giggle. You squeal when he pulls you along with him. You let him drag you around the dancefloor, into one of the lounges, then finally to the bar counter. You hang off his arm as he decides what to drink next from the bar menu, offering your opinions thoughtfully as he lists off drink names.

“Don’t order that. You’re going to be falling on your ass in less than an hour.”

He grins.

“Chan offered to drive me home.”

“He’s going to revoke his offer.”

“You know he wouldn’t do that. I can get as drunk as I want, he’s going to take care of me all night.”

“You’re insufferable,” You chide.

He waves you off then shows you the menu again.

“What are you getting?” “I’m not getting anything.”

“Why?”

“I’m not drinking tonight. I promised I wouldn’t.”

Seungmin’s face drops and he gives you a stony glare.

“y/n.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop letting your shitty boyfriend control your life.”

“He’s not controlling my life…”

“He is. You’re literally a whole different person when you’re with him. It makes you lame.”

“I’m not being lame. Hey, I’m ignoring him now aren’t I?”

He shrugs.

“You shouldn’t have to ignore him. He should just let you live and be happy if you give him an ounce of your attention. That’s how men should be.”

“No man is like that.”

“Ken is like that.” “Ken? From Barbie? Ken is not real, Seungmin. And real guys don’t sit around waiting for validation from their Barbie. At least they don’t for me.”

“There’s one that would, if you gave him a fair chance.”

“You?”

“Ew. No. Gross.”

“Who?”

“You know who.”

He tries to focus on choosing his drink again when he notices you staring expectantly at him. He rolls his eyes and thumbs over his shoulder without looking.

“Pretty boy. Six o’clock. Has an accent and blue hair.”

You follow the invisible arrow across the room to Felix, who is sitting with Chan and Hyunjin in one of the lounges.

“Felix? No way.”

“You’re so dumb.”

“Wha- hey!”

“Or maybe just blind… Hey, pardon me, I’ll take one of those please. Thank you,” Seungmin says to the bartender as they pass an order to the person beside you. He pays then he turns to you, “You think Felix wants to be here? The only reason he’s staying here is because of you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“y/n, he just got back from fucking Australia and where was the first place he went? A bar. Why? Because you’re here. He does not want to be here right now, he wants to be at home sleeping.”

“Okay, he doesn’t have to stay. I’ll tell him to go home if he’s waiting up for me.”

“You’re missing the point.”

“What do you mean?”

Seungmin repeats his thought, slowly.

“Felix. Is here. For. You. He came. To see. You.”

“Why… would he do that?”

“Because he’s your fucking Ken. He just went through a month of withdrawals being on a whole separate continent than you. He’s here for your attention.”

“Felix… doesn’t like me like that,” Seungmin glares, “Does he?”

“He’s too much of a gentleman to say something when you’re already seeing someone. You went ahead and got a stupid fucking boyfriend and he’s too good of a guy to tell you to get rid of him. Why do you think we have been trying to get you to dump that dick again.”

“You guys wanted me to dump my boyfriend…”

“So you would be single again by the time Felix got back. Then he would actually make a move on you. But you’re a dumbass so here we are.”

“Felix likes me…”

“A lot. God, I wish you’d snap out of it and lose the douchebag so you could have some fun for once. Felix never shuts up about you, I’m sure being away was just torture for him.”

“I guess I didn’t notice. I was trying so hard to force things into working with my ex, I didn’t imagine that anyone else could want me.”

Seungmin groans in agony. “I’m still not drunk enough for this conversation! Oh, thank you.”

He accepts his drink as the bartender slides it across the counter. You watch Felix from across the room, laughing at some joke Chan just made. Hyunjin’s follow-up comment has him doubling over in laughter. When he rises again his eyes find yours and he grins, unmistakably keeping his eyes on you. You are grinning back before you realize it and quickly turn away as your cheeks flush hotly.

“Felix likes me.”

Seungmin nods as he downs his drink.

“But I need to be single.”

“Bingo.”

“Can you help me break up with my boyfriend?”

Seungmin slowly turns to you with a glint in his eye and cracks his knuckles.

“I’m so glad you decided to come around. Give me your phone.”

You and Seungmin celebrate your new- hopefully brief- status as a single woman by sharing a drink and spending the next half hour dancing around the bar. As you suspected, Seungmin cannot hold his liquor and quickly becomes Chan’s responsibility. He swoops in to sling Seungmin’s arm over his shoulder and keep him on his feet as you say your goodbyes. Seungmin clings to the older like a baby koala and hides his face in his neck as you talk.

“Do you need a drive home? I’m sober.” Chan offers.

“Uh, no, Felix is going to drive me.”

Chan smiles.

“Oh good. I think Hyunjin is getting a lift with me. I’m going to take Seungmin out now; do you think you could tell him to meet us outside?”

“Yeah, of course. Seungmin! Have a good night, baby.”

Seungmin glares at your teasing tone and groans as he follows Chan away. You wave them off then turn your attention to finding Felix and Hyunjin. This task is easy, since Felix has not moved from the lounge. Hyunjin is draped over him, and both look ready for bed. You walk up to them and Felix perks up a bit.

“Hey again,” He greets.

Hyunjin looks at you and sits up to stretch.

“Hey. Jinnie, Chan took Seungmin outside. They’re waiting for you.”

“Oh, okay, thanks.”

He finishes his stretch then throws his arms around Felix, who squawks in surprise. You giggle as Hyunjin gives him a lingering squeeze then stands up. You accept his hug when he approaches and cackle at the teasing poke he gives you. He pulls back but surprises you when he keeps you locked in his arms and whispers in your ear.

“Seungmin texted me. I’m proud of you. Now, go get your man.”

He pulls back and smiles at your baffled expression, then pats your cheek before walking away. Felix stands and raises his eyebrow as he takes in your surprise.

“What did he say?”

“Um, nothing, I think he just drank too much.”

“Yeah. Hopefully he finds Chan okay.”

You nod in agreement then stare foolishly as Felix extends his hand to you. You quickly slap your palm into his and let him link your fingers as he laughs and leads you out of the bar. When you step out into the winter night you shiver. Felix unlinks your hands for a second to shrug his jacket off and throw it over your shoulders, then he slings his arm around you and pulls you close to him. You rest one hand on his chest to stop him as he goes to continue.

“W-Wait, Lix you’re going to get cold.”

“I’m good. It’s really hot in Australia right now so I got all charged up under the sun there. I don’t even feel the cold now.”

You laugh and usher him to speed up as you head to his car.

“I don’t think it works like that. You can’t hold a charge.”

His endearing smile drops into a contemplative pout as he hums and considers your logic.

“I guess… it must be your radiant smile keeping me warm now?”

You roll your eyes and laugh at his lame joke, but feel the heat rise in your cheeks despite the absurdity. He follows you to the passenger side of his car and holds the door open for you, then gently shuts it behind you. He lightly jogs around to the driver’s seat, making you giggle as he rushes to slam the door behind him.

“You are cold!”

“Sh-Shush!”

You take his jacket off and wrestle him to put it back on. You rub his arms to help warm him up and shake your head as his teeth chatter. He digs his keys out of the pocket and turns the car over, then cranks the heat up. You laugh as he melts into his seat with a cozy smile.

“Mhm…”

“Better?”

“Much. Now take this back.”

You make an exasperated noise as he removes his jacket and throws it unceremoniously over you. You rearrange it like a blanket, then freeze as he leans over you. Your breathing stops as the space between your lips begins to close, then resumes as he draws back. You realize he was just securing your seatbelt for you and had leaned over to find it in the dim light. You hear the soft click then feel his hands gently tighten the belt over your lap. He tucks his jacket in around you then smiles at you.

“There. All good?”

“Y-Yes.”

“Good. You’re precious cargo.”

Feix winks and drops back into his seat to secure his own belt. He goes to put the car in drive, but hesitates as he looks at you.

“Oh yeah, where are we going?”

“Uh, your place. If that’s still okay?”

“Of course. I’m not going to take back my offer on you.”

Your hand flies to his arm, making him stop to look at you. His brow furrows as you squeeze gently.

“W-Wait. There’s something I want to tell you first.”

“What is it?”

“I broke my promise. I turned my phone on and I looked at my texts.”

His eyebrow pinches with a sympathetic frown.

“Oh, love, that’s alright. You didn’t have to tell me. I just wanted you to enjoy your night.”

“I did. I really did. But I did text my boyfriend back. Um, Seungmin helped me but could you read the message over? Make sure I said the right thing?”

He smiles kindly.

“I’m sure what you said was perfect. But I can read it over for you.”

“Thanks.”

Your hand trembles as you pull your phone out and open the messages. You hope Felix chocks your shakiness up to the lingering cold in the car as you pass your phone to him. He gives you another reassuring smile as he reads the message you composed. His brightness drops as he reads it over, then he reads it a second time and looks at you with a shocked expression.

“You broke up? Are you okay?”

You nod.

“Yeah.”

“But I thought you two were trying to work things out? What happened?”

You take a shuddery breath as anxiety coils in your chest.

“I don’t think we can work things out. I just don’t think we’re a good match for each other.”

He nods in understanding and brings his hand up to gently hold yours.

“And you’re happier this way?”

“Much happier. I think everyone was right that I was better off without him, and I agree. I didn’t really want to get back together with him, but I felt like he deserved one last chance.”

“You tried your best to make it work. You should be proud of yourself.”

“Are you proud of me?”

His smile is achingly sweet as he gazes softly at you.

“So proud of you, darling. So proud.”

Your heart skips at the purr in his voice as he praises you. He removes his hand from yours to finally put the car in drive and start the ride back to his apartment. You settle into your seat and let your eyes shut.

Felix startles you awake when he unbuckles your seatbelt. You did not intend to fall asleep and can only manage an incoherent question as he fixes his jacket around you and scoops you into his arms. You mumble softly as he carries you through his apartment door, which is already slightly ajar, and nuzzle your cheek against the thick plush fabric now covering his arms. You lean back to inspect the coat he must have thrown on when he unlocked the door then watch his expression intently as he sets you on his couch.

“You didn’t have to carry me…”

“I didn’t want to wake you, sleeping beauty. I’ll be right back.”

He throws a blanket over your lap then leaves the apartment. You shrug off his jacket, now too cold compared to the warmth of the apartment, and bundle yourself in a cocoon with the blanket before standing up. You only manage to shuffle a few steps when he returns.

“How are you feeling?”

You let out a long yawn then return his fond smile.

“Good. A little sleepy.”

“Come here. Uh, sorry about the mess.”

Felix opens the door to his bedroom and kicks some clothes under the bed. You giggle as he moves his half-unpacked suitcase away to make a clear path to his dresser, then hastily tidies his bed.

“Lix, it’s okay. I know you live here.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

You laugh at his dramatic pout, which quickly melts into a playful grin.

“Nothing.”

“Right. I’m going to take a shower, let me get you some jammies to change into.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Oh, what, and let you get into my bed with your bar clothes on? Right.”

Your cheeks heat up at the casual suggestion as he begins digging through his dresser.

“I can sleep on the couch.”

“You could. But my couch is the worst. You know that. And you still need pajamas.”

“Where are you going to sleep? Don’t say the couch.”

“I’m the host and as the host you have to listen to me. You get the bed and I get the couch. End of story.”

He places the pajamas on the bed and looks at you. He props his hands on his hips and tilts his head as you cross your arms.

“What, darling?”

“You won’t get a good night’s sleep.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“You just got home, don’t you want to sleep in your own bed?”

“You don’t need to worry about me.”

“We should both just sleep in your bed.”

“Both of us?”

You pick the pajamas up from the bed and turn to see his astonished expression.

“Oh. We don’t have to if it’ll make you uncomfortable?”

“No! N-No, um, it’s fine. No worries. Sounds good.”

Felix darts out of the room, slamming the door behind him. You wait in silence until you hear the shower begin to run, then sigh to yourself in the silence. You quickly shuck off your clothes and don the pajamas Felix picked for you. You crawl into his bed and tuck yourself under the covers, then play absentmindedly on your phone until he returns. He peeks his head in the door first and waits in silence for you to notice him.

“What’s up, Lix?”

“Um, I forgot my clothes.”

“So?”

“I just have a towel on.”

Your heart thumps.

“That’s okay. You can come in.”

“Ah, alright. As long as it’s okay with you.”

He enters the room casually with your assurance. You swallow and avert your eyes until he passes, then allow your gaze to return. You admire the defined muscles of his back and the freckles that scatter over his bare skin. His hair is damp, blue locks clinging to the base of his neck. You jump when he turns to look at you with a smile that creeps wider as your eyes meet.

“You can have a shower too, if you want?”

“No thanks, I’m already comfortable.”

“Yeah? You look a little nervous.”

You laugh as he turns away. You squirm in your spot as you watch him slowly search through his drawers. You clear your throat gently and he turns to you again.

“Felix?”

“Yes?”

 “Can you come here?”

“R-Right now?”

“I’ll be quick.”

A shudder ripples through you as he slowly makes his way over to the bed and tentatively sits beside you. He tilts his head and watches you with endearingly soft eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Mhm, go ahead.”

“You’ve been really nice to me tonight. Like, especially nice. Is there a reason for that?”

He blinks then grins as he replies, “I just like you, silly.”

“Like me in what way?”

He chuckles.

“Ah, well,” He bites his lip then pokes his tongue through his teeth, “They’re not very good at keeping secrets, are they?”

You giggle as he leans closer and lounges on his side. He rests his chin in his hand and smiles up at you. You follow his lead and lay down next to him, trying to conceal your excited smile in the pillow beneath you. He reaches out to brush his thumb over your cheek and gently turns you to face him.

“Why are you being shy now, darling?”

“I don’t know. You didn’t answer my question.”

“I didn’t? Oh, I should probably do that then.”

“Maybe you should.”

“Maybe I will.”

“Felix,” You whine.

He chuckles and curls one hand around your waist to pull you closer. You follow obediently and stare expectantly at him.

“Is this okay? It isn’t too much, right?”

“Mhm, a gentle brush of the waist. How will I ever recover?”

“Aha, come on, darling. I know what I do to you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You fib.

He winks and inches closer.

“Sure.”

Your hand trembles as you place it on his stomach, and you cower at his knowing smirk.

“Be nice.”

“I’m especially nice. You said it yourself.”

“I take it back.”

“Ha. Well, seriously though. Are you alright? Do you want to slow down?”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess I imagined it would be a bit different than this. And I wouldn’t make a move on you the same night you left your boyfriend.”

You shrug.

“It’s been over for a while with him. You don’t need to hold back, Lix. I want to be here with you.”

“Half-naked?”

“Well, that’s just you.”

He snorts but his cheeks still brighten with embarrassment. 

“So, how did you imagine it?”

“Hm?”

You roll your eyes as Felix tries to feign innocence.

“You know. How did you imagine you would confess? I heard you missed me, you must have thought about it.”

He laughs dryly.

“Seungmin told you that?”

“Oh, so you didn’t miss me?”

“Oh, darling,” Felix breathes, “I couldn’t even begin…��

Your eyes flutter shut as he leans in. His shaky breath sweeps over your lips and your lip twitches when he hesitates.

“Would you like me to kiss you?” He asks.

“What do you think?”

Your eyes open only to catch a glimpse of his cheeky grin, then fall shut again as he closes the distance between you. You trade a few kisses, deep and needy, before he pulls away.

“You know I really like you, right?”

“I know. I like you too, Lixie.”

He steals another quick kiss then murmurs, “You do?”

“Mh-hm. So much.”

“Oh, good.”

You giggle and slide your hand over his back as he straddles your waist. Your thumb glides over his spine, then along the waistband of his towel. You blink up in adoration as he rests his forehead against yours.

“This isn’t all I want from you. Kisses and… what I mean is that I want you. But not just your body, I want to take care of you. Fuck, it’s way too soon to say this but I know I mean it.”

“Say what?”

“I love you.”

You stare in surprise as he traps you in his intimate gaze. He seems to come back to reality as the silence carries on.

“Y-You don’t have to say it back. I know it’s fast.”

“Lix… Do you mean it?”

“What? Of course. Yes, of course I do.”

“Then can you say it again?”

He laughs softly.

“I love you, y/n. It’s okay if you’re not ready for something serious but I-”

“I love you.”

“I know I want to be the one that cares for you. I want to spend forever with you, even if you don’t think that’s what you want it’s okay. I-”

“Felix. I love you.”

“I- I love you too,” He heaves.

You kiss the top of his head fondly as he buries his heated face in your chest.

“Mhm. Happy?”

“Yes.”

“I can tell.”

His hips jump as you feel him hardening beneath the towel.

“Don’t tease me.”

You giggle.

“You’re getting turned on by me saying ‘I love you’. It’s adorable.”

He makes a strangled sound as you buck your hips up against his.

“Y-You’re unfair. If you knew how much I…”

“What? Want me?”

“Mhh-hhmn… Need you.”

He hums praise as you deliver a viciously slow swirl of your hips. He groans and settles into your lap while giving a tentative rock, and moans softly into your neck.

“So cute, Lix.”

“Ah… y/n, you have no idea how happy I am.”

His voice rumbles in your chest as your hips press together tightly.

“You could tell me? Or show me?”

“Hah… I’ve been waiting so long to tell you…”

He pushes himself up to brace himself over you, lips failing to make sound when your eyes fall on him. You smile and pull him down for a kiss, which he trails down to your neck. A moan escapes your lips as he nips his way to your ear and lingers there.

“I’m so proud of you. I knew he wasn’t good for you.”

“Hmn…”

“I wanted you to leave him so badly, and when you got back together I thought I missed my chance.”

“Felix…”

He pecks your cheek then continues.

“You deserve so much better than him, you know? You deserve everything.”

“You’re so sweet.”

“I mean it.”

“I know.”

The next kiss leaves you breathless and writhing beneath him. His hands slip under your borrowed shirt and you pull it off at the first opportunity. He whimpers into your mouth between soft gasps and pants, his erection still nestled firmly between your shifting bodies. He dips his fingers beneath your pants and swallows the moan he draws out when his fingers slip past your panties. He teases your folds for a moment before breaching your sex.

“Fe-lix,” You cry when he circles your warmth.

“Ha… That good?”

“Ah-huh,” You babble dumbly, clinging to him as he strokes deeper.

He moves in, mouthing at your neck and wrapping his arm around you to hold you closer. Your hands find purchase over his back and shoulder blades. He brushes his lips over your ear and chuckles softly.

“Good girl. You like that, huh? You like being my good girl?”

“Mh-hmn!”

“Oh, I knew you would. I knew you’d come around to me, baby.”

You sob softly and arch your back as he teases a sensitive spot.

“F-Felix, please!”

“You don’t have to beg. I’ll get you there, baby.”

“Fuck, h-hahah you’re a tease…”

He hums.

“I disagree. A tease would do something like this.”

He pulls his hand from your pants and smirks as you cry out in frustration.

“Lix!”

You throw your head back and whimper as he kisses your taut throat. He begins sliding your bottoms off and you quickly follow his lead, kicking them off as he moves above you and removes his towel. You eye him up and giggle giddily as he presses his hips flush to yours. Your noses bump when you move in to kiss each other and you both laugh out. You forgive his teasing only long enough for you to suck a hickey into his neck as he blindly scrounges a condom from the bedside drawer. Once he has slipped it on and begins guiding your legs over his hips, you let out a pathetic whine.

“Don’t cry, baby,” He growls, his sultry voice conflicting with the light circles he rubs into your hips, “Be a little patient, yeah? We have all night.”

“Mhm…But I thought you needed me?”

He seems surprised but grins at your comment.

“Oh, darling, I do. But let’s take it slow the first time.”

“That would be so romantic if I wasn’t totally losing it right now.”

Your thighs tremble as Felix ruts his cock between your folds. You moan loudly and hook your arms around his shoulders to draw him closer.

“You’re so lovely, darling. How did I ever get so lucky?”

“Mhm… You could be getting lucky right now.”

“Alright, alright.”

He chuckles and pecks your jaw as he finally eases into you. You gasp and lock your legs behind his back as he starts a lazy rhythm. You turn your head and let your eyes flutter shut as he presses a kiss to your forehead and thrusts himself deeper. You mumble his name dazedly then smirk at the moans and grunts that spill from his lips. One of your hands slides up into his hair as he cups the back of your neck sweetly.

“B-Baby?”

You make a noise of affirmation as another giggling moan bubbles up from your chest. The tension in your abdomen swirls and tightens as you listen to his soft sounds. He laughs breathlessly and plants messy kisses along your jawline, drawing another pleased noise from you.

“That good?”

“Yeah…”

“Yeah, roll over for me, beautiful?”

You stifle your complaint when he pulls away then guides you to flip onto your hands and knees. One of his hands slides around your hip and between your legs to toy with your clit. The other finds purchase on the pillow beside your head, as you melt from his touch and bury your face there. He turns your head and lovingly brushes stray hairs from your face before curling his body over yours. He links your hands as he enters you again with a swift push of his hips.

The room fills with the sound of timed thrusts and erratic moans. Felix’s hand between your legs helps keep your back raised while you let your torso sink into the bed. You place one of your hands on the headboard to push against him as his pace intensifies. Your legs quiver as your climax approaches, and he pulls you from your cock-drunk state by wetly kissing your ear.

“Still good? Should I, ngh, slow down?”

“Don’t, hah, stop.”

“Close?”

“S-So close.”

He kisses you, although his heavy moans prevent you from keeping your lips locked for more than a few seconds. It dissolves into a sloppy brush of his lips on your chin and you both giggle again as you come more undone for each other.

“Felix,” You chant softly, “O-Oh my God.”

“That’s right. That’s my girl.”

Your hold on his hand tightens moments before your climax washes over you. Your knees buckle and you sob from the stimulation on your clit as his movements become more desperate. You bury your face in the pillow with a pitiful nuzzle and splay your palm against the headboard.

“Y-You okay?”

You give him a thumbs up and hear him wheeze as you whine shamelessly. The overstimulation is intense but you love it all the same.

“Oh, fuck, Felix,” You groan as he buries himself to the hilt and stills behind you.

His only response is a pitchy sound that dissolves into a groan as your throbbing heat brings him to his climax. You drowsily turn your head to kiss the back of his hand as he noses at your shoulder. He manages to kiss the back of your neck before pulling out and collapsing beside you. He laughs softly as you catch your breaths.

“I love you, Felix.”

He grins and pulls you into his arms to nuzzle his nose against yours.

“I love you more.”

“Mhm… Thank you for waiting so long for me.”

He sighs dreamily.

“I’m just happy to be with you now, love.”

[candlewaxandp0lar0ids]

How to Leave Comments on Fanfiction

So, I recently made a poll to know if people might find it helpful to have a list of things they could talk about when leaving comments on fanfictions, be it on Ao3 or on here. A majority of people were interested in seeing the post so, well, I'm making it. I started writing and posting stuff online when I was a teenager, on a website where leaving constructive criticism was the norm. It's by far the place where I've gotten the most feedback and it was an incredibly formative experience for me as a young writer — and it taught me how to leave detailed comments.

Writing comments doesn't necessarily come easy. It's something that you may need to learn how to do, but the good news is that you can learn how to do it, so don't worry if you don't know what to say at first. Hopefully this list will give you some pointers on how to do that.

This is more or less the list I go through when I want to leave a detailed comment. Even if I don't have a specific idea at first, I'll go through the steps and I never come out empty-handed.

Comment etiquette:

What became apparent with the poll I made was that a lot of people worry about how they'll be perceived by the writers if they leave a comment. Now, obviously, writers aren't a monolith, but 99% of the time writers will be thrilled that you took the time to leave a comment to let them know what you enjoyed in their fic. I cannot stress this enough. We're not going to judge someone based on a positive comment they leave.

As it stands, on Tumblr and Ao3, it's seen as rude to leave negative feedback, unless the author has explicitly asked for it/agreed to it, so that's what I'll be going over here. Since quite a few writers did say on that post that they would like to get constructive comments as well, stay tuned, I'm trying to get something together to do that for authors. Other than that, you're good to go.

The main ways to let an author know your thoughts on a fic on Tumblr are:

reblogging a fic with your thoughts underneath it

reblogging with your thoughts in the tags, which is often less formal

leaving a comment as a 'reaction'

sending in an ask if they're activated on the blog (which means you can stay anonymous, if anon asks are allowed)

Reblogging means that your followers will see the post as well, and is therefore really appreciated on Tumblr.

As a note, you may find different systems work for different fics! Maybe leaving tag rambles works for you when commenting on drabbles, for example for me it's the system I use to leave comments on smut.

General advice:

Everything I'm saying in here is for people who want to be able to leave longer/more detailed comments and don't always know where to start. If, for whatever reason, you're not comfortable or you don't have time to do it at the moment, a simple "I love the fic, thank you for writing it" always goes a long way for an author.

The key thing to keep in mind if you're trying to find something else to say, I think, is to try making the comment specific to the fic you're leaving it on. It shows the writer what you took away from the fic and the fic's strong points, which is both meaningful and helpful to an author.

Comments don't have to be long to be meaningful. Don't stress about writing a ton; a one-sentence comment highlighting the fic's humor or how emotional it made you can be incredibly impactful.

With this out of the way, I'll go through things you can talk about in a comment, starting with what I think is the easiest and moving on to things that could require more thought. You don't have to do all of that. You may never use some of the things on that list. Leaving comments should not be a source of anxiety. So take what you want from the list, maybe come back to it if you need more inspiration, and don't worry too much about it :)

Favorite line(s) : pull from the fic to let the author know what your favorite line was. If you wish, you can expand on that by saying why it was your favorite: did it make you laugh? Did it make you feel something specific? Did the author nail the characterization with it? Was there some incredible metaphor? Did you find it beautiful or poetic even if you can't go into detail? Is there one line in particular at the beginning of the fic that hooked you in and made you want to keep reading?

All of that is very valuable for a writer to know. Some of my favorite comments I've gotten were a list of a reader's favorite lines from a fic with one or two sentences to explain why they liked them, so don't hesitate to do that more than once if you can!

Emotions:  if there’s one thing I know about writers, it’s that we’re thrilled when we’ve made you cry. So tell us: how did the writing make you feel? Did you laugh out loud? If you did, was it the dialogue, or the narrator? Did it make you cry? Which part? Could you relate to one of the characters? Did it make you feel seen? Did the fluff make you feel all fuzzy inside or did the angst twist knots in your stomach? This isn't an exhaustive list, and emotions are great to draw from when you're leaving a comment!

Favorite element of the writing: Is there one thing in the writing that struck you as being particularly good, or what was your favorite thing to read? Is the author a master at writing dialogue? Are their descriptions so good you could see the whole scene? Are they really good at getting in a character's head and describing their emotions? Were you hooked from the start and couldn't stop until you reached the end?

Characterization: Now, this might be less instinctive, but if you've been in a fandom for a while, you'll probably be able to identify these things fairly easily. You can tell the author if you think they've nailed one aspect of a character. Did you have a favorite character in the fic? What did you think of them? Did the author manage to capture their voice? Was the attitude spot-on? Which parts of the character, if you can name them? Were there aspects of the character you particularly enjoyed? Did the author shine a light on something you hadn't considered or on something you don't think is highlighted often enough? Is there one thing from the fic you can actually picture/hear a character doing/saying in your head?

Style: I'd argue this is the hardest part, and you shouldn't feel bad if it's not something you can really comment on. As someone whose first language isn't English, I know I struggle with it. Style can be perceived as the way the author's voice comes through in the text. It can come through in punctuation, in the way sentences are formed, in the choice of the words themselves. If, when you read, you feel something intangible that doesn't fit well in the other categories, it just might be the author's style.

Here are some things (non-exhaustive list, of course) you could say about an author's style: it can be direct, straight to the point. The author doesn't bother with ornaments. Every sentence feels impactful. Maybe the writing feels intense. You're overwhelmed by the characters and their feelings and you feel truly engulfed in the story. Maybe the style is light and airy. It's so easy to read you don't even notice you are reading. Maybe the writing is intricate. Going through it is like piecing a puzzle together, sentences are foreshadowing and metaphors reveal deep truths about the characters. Maybe the style is rich. While not always the easiest, it's a pleasure to read through it, the author has a wide vocabulary, and you might want to compare it to a well-written novel.

If you identify specific elements of that style (metaphors, interesting use of punctuation, etc.), don't hesitate to point them out and let the author know you enjoy them!

That is it for this post, hopefully it doesn't look too daunting — again, you absolutely do not need to do all that in any comment, but maybe going through this list can help you leave comments for authors you enjoy.

I like to end my comments with 'Thank you for writing and sharing this with us', so I'll tell you thank you for reading, I hope this was helpful, and please consider reblogging if you'd like to save this or if you think it could help someone else!

As a bonus, my friend @elidebrey and I (but mostly her) made a 'checklist' for commenting, to help remember all this if that's something you'd like, so use at will!

A big thank you to @elidebrey, @yoongihan and @antoniorhinothethird for their precious opinions on this ♥

[baldurs-writers-3]

Angst: A BG3 Rec List

This week, we have Angst!  Check under the cut for 12 fics that include a lot of that oh so tasty pain (both emotional and physical!), and as always, comment and kudos if you like them!

The lick of poison by astarionfreak (4994,Explicit) Warnings: Sex pollen, fuck or die, dubious consent, forced orgasm Pairings: Astarion/Naenia (Fem!Tav)

This is a sex pollen/fuck or die fic. Naenia is the only one affected. Astarion has some complex feelings about consent. It's set in Act 1 in the Underdark.

Reccer says: I liked it!

Daisies On My Nightstand by Thedrowlock on AO3 and bhaalbabebardlock on tumblr (158000,Explicit) Warnings: PLEASE be mindful of all tags and chapter notes especially as you progress through the story. This fic takes a hard, hard dive into dead dove territory at chapter sixty and stays there (the angst stays too). This is an ongoing, updates almost daily longfic. Part one is almost complete. Pairings: Named Dark Urge (Ilara)/Astarion; Ilara/Gortash, Ilara/Shadowheart, Ilara & Raphael, Ilara/A!Astarion

The story of a Bhaal-spawn who only ever wanted her freedom, and how far she'll go to find it.

Reccer says: I liked it!

In Another Life (I Found You) by grovyrosegirl (74380,Mature) Warnings: Violence, Death, Grief, Kidnapping, Emotional/Psychological Abuse Pairings: Gale/Tav

Five years after the Netherbrain’s defeat, Gale and Connie (Tav)’s happy married life is interrupted when Connie is suddenly kidnapped by a mysterious intruder. This intruder turns out to be another Gale, from a world where he claimed the Crown of Karsus.

Reccer says: I liked it!

Deo volente by cyranonic (33529,Mature) Warnings: astarion's past is mentioned, so i guess TW: Astarion :( Pairings: Astarion/Gale

Astarion is having a shitty time post game, miserable without the sun. Gale is having a miserable time as well. Watch them drag each other down even worse!

Reccer says: a darker look than many fics at what could occur after the game is over, with some characters feeling abandoned. Super well written in general, great Astarion voice.

Oathbreaker by Mellybaggins (173240,Explicit) Warnings: Major character death, rape/non-con, religious trauma, some dead dove content Pairings: Tav/Astarion, Tav/Halsin, Tav/OC

A longfic about an oathbreaker paladin navigating the events of the game, and working through her own memories of why she broke her oath.

Reccer says: It seems like a standard Tav fic at first, but takes a sharp turn into OC territory when Raphael messes with her memories.

jackrabbit by tomorrowsrain (15589,Teen) Warnings: past abuse (really, CW: Astarion :( ) Pairings: Astarion & Karlach, Astarion & Wyll

Astarion wakes up on the beach in the sun and realizes he has a chance at becoming a person again. Maybe.

Reccer says: Seriously one of the best examinations of Astarion's transformation during the game from the start of act 1 to mid act 2 that is out there. A treasure to read.

You'll hate me (make love) by astarionfreak (5305,Explicit) Warnings: Character About to Die, Smut, Sad and Sweet, Angst, Bittersweet Pairings: Astarion/Tav

Ascended Astarion pretends to be his spawn self as Tav's dying wish and they fuck on his grave.

Reccer says: I liked it!

Diary of a Dark Consort by NottaBear (8,619 and growing ,Mature) Warnings: Implied/Referenced sexual assault, emotional manipulation Pairings: Named Tav/Ascended Astarion

A found diary style story following the life of a Vampire Lords consort.

Reccer says: I liked it!

i still want to live by fetch_me_penguins (7750,Explicit) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion/Tav, Astarion & Jaheira, Tav & Jaheira

An angsty take on the premise of Cazador kidnapping Tav to replace the spawn she killed on the Ascension ritual and to teach Astarion a lesson on obedience.

Reccer says: I liked it!

Ruin. by Thedrowlock (3859,Explicit) Warnings: Major character death, smut Pairings: Astarion/f! reader

It's been five years since you left The Vampire Ascendant and everything he offered you, but now you're back to handle him. Why is that so hard?

Reccer says: I liked it!

Stolen Futures by onlymine139 (2530,General) Warnings: Major character death Pairings: Gale/Tav

Gale and Tav journey to Waterdeep to start their new life together, only to be interrupted by a devastating realization.

Reccer says: Just some good old fashioned heartbreak.

when the work needs doing, she will see it done by vampireposter (7940,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: The Dark Urge & Jaheira

A small neglected and abused child attempts to assassinate Jaheira, so she adopts her about it

Reccer says:

The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ! 

Next week, we’ll be back with Fluff Fics!

[kingofbodyrolls]

My Heart's Home (m) | pjm | fourteen

🐴Chapter summary: After breaking up with Jimin, you realize how much you love him, and that maybe that love should be enough to carry you through your new life— being a parent, for someone else’s child.

🐴Chapter title: I Wish the Past was Different

🐴Pairings: jimin x reader (main), jungkook x reader (only happens once in the first chapter), jungkook x OC (jessi), namjoon x OC (jessi), yoongi x hoseok, namjoon x oc, seokjin x oc, taehyung x oc

🐴Characters: female reader (isn’t mentioned by name and no “y/n”), Jimin, Jungkook, Namjoon, Yoongi, Hoseok, Seokjin, Taehyung and four female original characters.

🐴Genre/AU: ranch!au, slice of life!au, soulmate!au, cowboy!au + smut, humor, fluff, romance, slow burn and angst

🐴Rating: mature/explicit/R18 – this is mature/explicit content, so minors, please do not interact!

🐴Disclaimer: I do not own BTS or know them personally and this work of fiction is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only. The actions and personalities described in the story do not reflect those of BTS— it’s just fiction. Also, if you would kindly read the tags/warnings before reading, that would be lovely: and if you don’t like whatever is described in the tags, just hit return and find something else to read. Thank you 🌸

🐴Chapter warnings: angst (is this really a surprise?), mention of pregnancy (not oc!!!), a riding accident, a lot of thinking and overthinking, sadness and angst, jealousy, working through feelings.

🐴Status: completed (the epilogue is in the works!)

🐴Word count: 10.5k 

🐴Taglist: @kookswifesblog, @kiki-zb, @babejinnie, @ownthesunshine, @allie-is-a-panda, @glllhjh, @bergandysam, @13-manggaetteok, @jeonsbabygirlsworld, @antisocial-mochi267,

*tumblr isn’t letting me tag you! There could be a lot of reasons for that, check out this lovely post about it.

🐴Now playing 💿 “Time Turn Over” by Rebecca Lavelle. [Wanna listen to the serie’s playlist?]

🐴Author’s note: OC is being very Bella Swan in this chapter, I’m sorry again 😭 BUT!!! The angst goes away in this chapter too, because I just wouldn’t do it (I’m tired of the angst, lol). Because of said angst, it was tough for me to write and I actually ended up asking my husband for advice because I was stuck, not meeting my own word length deadline and because I just felt stuck in general 🥲 But alas, he gave me a good idea, and I went with that! There is very minimal angst going forward from this chapter, like it’s so minor compared to all the rest, so I hope you’ll enjoy mostly unicorns and rainbows after this chapter ☀️

You can send in your questions for the characters or me here → Ask away 💜*

*for people on AO3 you can also participate if you want to, just leave a comment (guest/anon or not), and I’ll reply to that and I’ll add your question in the Epilogue 💜

It’s been cross posted to AO3 if you prefer to read there.Wanna see the book cover?

← previous | s.masterlist | m.masterlist |  next →

“And oh, I wish the past was different And oh, I wish it wasn’t so But in the end, because I’m here now In the end, I think you know I can’t say it and you can’t feel it but I can not let it go And oh, I wish the past was different And oh, I wish it wasn’t so” ‘I Wish the Past Was Different’ by Rebecca Lavelle

You’ve thrown yourself into your work with the wild horses, seeking solace in their untamed spirits. Yet, the bittersweet reality of having to work at Jimin’s place constantly tugs at your heartstrings. Each encounter with him reignites the longing to be wrapped in his arms, to find solace in his embrace, and to believe in a future together. But then you catch sight of Deiji, and the floodgates of jealousy and insecurity and self doubt burst open once more, drowning you in feelings of inadequacy and unpreparedness for the daunting prospect of motherhood, especially when it's someone else's child at the center of it all.

Why does life have to twist and turn in such cruel ways? The weight of this pain is crushing, dragging you down with each passing moment, threatening to shatter you into irreparable fragments.

You find yourself yearning for an alternate reality where Jimin never crossed paths with Deiji, where their relationship was just a figment of imagination rather than a painful reality. The ache in your chest resonates with the desire to assign blame, to point fingers at anything but your own heart for walking away. It’s easier to lay fault at the feet of Deiji and Jimin than to confront the agonizing truth of your own decision to part ways.

You scuff, a tempest of anger and sorrow swirling within you, each emotion battling for dominance, leaving your stomach tied in knots. Amidst this tumult, focusing on the wild horses becomes a difficult task, prompting Hoseok to step in and assist Yoongi more frequently while you remain perched atop the fence, a silent observer of the scene below.

The love between the two men is palpable, their synergy evident as they collaborate seamlessly. Yet, as you observe them coaxing a once-wild gray horse into submission, a bittersweet symphony plays in your heart. Their laughter, like tinkling bells, fills the air, but with each shared chuckle, a pang of longing grips your soul. You can’t help but notice the gentle caress of Hoseok's hand on Yoongi’s arm, the way their eyes meet with an unspoken understanding, and their voices, light and airy, carrying the melody of their affection.

Their effortless relationship is both heartwarming and gut-wrenching to witness. You adore them both and revel in their happiness, yet a pang of envy lingers as you yearn for a similar bliss with Jimin. The prospect of parenthood looms over you like a daunting storm cloud, and you're lost in a tempest of uncertainty, unsure of how to navigate the tumultuous waters ahead.

Hoseok’s hands caress the sleek coat of the gray horse, his touch a delicate dance of reassurance and patience. The majestic creature stands serene under his guidance, a testament to their bond of trust and understanding.

Yoongi pivots, his keen eyes catching the shadow of sorrow that’s cloaked you for days, casting a solemn hue over your features.

He strides over, his presence a comforting anchor in the midst of your storm. Perching beside you on the fence, he offers a reassuring pat on your shoulder. “It’s going to be alright,” he assures, his voice a soothing balm to your troubled soul.

You highly doubt it. You replay the choices in your mind like a broken record, each decision leading you to this moment of heartache. You could have chosen to stay with Jimin, to endure the pain silently, but the weight of it all felt unbearable. A heavy sigh escapes your lips, a silent acknowledgment of the turmoil within.

You turn your gaze towards Yoongi, the question burning on your lips, a mixture of curiosity and longing swirling in your chest. Despite knowing you shouldn't pry, your heart yearns for a glimpse into Jimin’s world. “How’s Jimin holding up?” you inquire, your voice tinged with a fragile hope, betraying the emotions you've been grappling with.

Yoongi’s eyes meet yours, a silent plea evident in their depths, urging you to reconsider your question. His expression carries a weight of concern, as if he’s shielding you from the painful truth that might follow.

As the silence lingers, you press further, your voice a whisper weighted with apprehension. “Is he... back with Deiji?” The words hang heavy in the air, fraught with a mix of dread and longing for a truth you're not sure you're ready to confront.

Yoongi’s features contort into a mask of sorrow, his gaze drifting downward to the grains of sand within the pen, as if seeking solace in the mundane. “You shouldn’t hurt yourself with questions like this,” he murmurs, his tone heavy with empathy and resignation. “But no, Jimin is still very single.”

The revelation doesn’t exactly lift the weight from your heart, though it's a relief knowing he’s not rushing back into Deiji’s embrace. Still, a melancholic ache persists, knowing that things have unfolded this way.

Yoongi’s words land like a gentle breeze, stirring a mix of emotions within you. “You know,”  he confides, his tone carrying a thread of hope. “Jimin misses you a lot. He talks about you everyday. He wishes that you’ll change your mind and come back home.” As his gaze meets your weary eyes, a glimmer of optimism dances in his own.

Tears have become an unwelcome companion, tracing silent rivers down your cheeks, staining your pillow with the remnants of your sorrow. Night after night, you find solace in the lullaby of tears, until even your sister’s concern casts a shadow upon your weary soul. Your eyes, once bright with laughter, now betray the weight of your heartache, swollen and heavy with the burden of your grief. Yet, in the face of it all, you couldn’t summon the energy to care.

You draw in a shuddering breath, grappling with the tempest of emotions swirling within you. “I miss him too,” you admit, your voice quivering with raw honesty. “But I can’t bear the thought of being in a relationship with him, not with his child on the way with another woman.”

You release a heavy sigh, your shoulders slumping under the weight of exhaustion and emotional turmoil. Every task seems monumental, even the simplest ones, and just coaxing yourself out of bed feels like an uphill battle. A tear teeters on the edge of your waterline, a silent testament to the inner turmoil gnawing at your soul. Desperate to divert your thoughts from Jimin's memory, you draw in a deep breath and pivot the conversation. “You and Hoseok seem really happy,” you remark, attempting to steer the dialogue towards a lighter topic.

A gentle chuckle ripples from Yoongi’s lips beside you, a soothing sound amidst the heaviness of your emotions. He senses your need for a reprieve and graciously allows the shift in conversation. “Was that a question or a statement?” he quips, his laughter like a beacon guiding you away from the shadows of sadness, urging your weary spirit back towards the light.

A soft chuckle escapes your lips, a brief respite from the weight of your thoughts. “Definitely a statement,” you reply with a hint of self-awareness, the sound of your laughter mingling with the breeze, carrying a fleeting moment of lightness through the heavy air.

“We are happy,” Yoongi affirms, a genuine smile spreading across his face, revealing the warmth in his eyes. Together, you observe Hoseok’s movements with the gray horse below, the sight of him successfully saddling the animal a testament to his skill and patience.

“That’s great. I’m so happy for you, Yoongi,” you express, mustering a smile, though it lacks the usual sparkle that once defined it.

“Thank you. But I can see it’s tough for you,” he starts, his gaze probing yours, seeking something elusive, something you're not quite sure of.

You brush off his concern with a casual flick of your hand. “I put myself in this situation,” you say, the weight of your words heavier than you intended.

You slump further against the fence, sinking into the sanctuary of your own fragile thoughts.

Hoseok remains focused on the horse, his movements fluid and purposeful, while Yoongi stands steadfast beside you, his arm enveloping you in a comforting embrace, a reassuring anchor amidst the tumult of your thoughts.

“Thank you Yoongi,” You express your gratitude to Yoongi with a heartfelt whisper, leaning into his comforting presence. His embrace is a sanctuary, enveloping you in warmth and the refreshing scent of mint, a soothing balm to your troubled soul.

“What for?” With a soft chuckle, Yoongi queries, his voice laced with genuine curiosity.

“For always being there for me,” You utter, your voice laced with profound gratitude. The weight of your words hangs in the air, a testament to the depth of your appreciation for his unwavering friendship.

The relentless sun beats down upon you as you toil alongside Soo-ah, Ara, and Ha-rin, laboring to scrub clean the water trough for the cattle in a distant paddock. Beads of sweat form rivulets on your brow, and you futilely attempt to brush them away with the hem of your shirt, but the relentless heat refuses to relent.

The scorching heat bears down upon you relentlessly as you vigorously scrub away at the trough, determined to rid it of its slimy residue, accumulated grime, and encrusted grease. Each stroke of the brush is a testament to your commitment, knowing full well the vital importance of this cleaning ritual to ensure the cattle’s access to pristine water during their time in the paddock.

“Don’t you think it’s time to move on?” Ara’s words pierce through the haze of your thoughts, jolting you out of the cocoon of self-pity you’ve wrapped yourself in. 

Beside you, Soo-ah and Ha-rin exchange startled gasps, their synchronized reaction prompting you to arch an eyebrow in curiosity, silently urging Ara to continue.

“That’s so inconsiderate of you to say, Ara!” Soo-ah’s reprimand cuts through the air, her words laced with a protective edge, while Ha-rin’s support echoes her sentiment, amplifying the intensity of the moment.

“What? But she seems so miserable, Jimin too, why don’t you just work it out?” Ara’s voice carries genuine concern, wrapped in a gentle tone, yet it strikes a nerve within you. You sense her good intentions, but the thought of rehashing your struggles yet again feels draining. With a heavy exhale, you opt for silence, allowing your frustration to seep out in a weary sigh.

“Don’t you think she would work it out with him, if she wanted to?” Ha-rin’s words cut through the humid air, laced with a hint of frustration as she vigorously scrubs the steel trough. It’s a valid question, one that resonates with the unspoken doubts lingering in your mind. You ponder her inquiry, the rhythmic sound of metal against metal providing a backdrop to your internal turmoil.

It’s a surreal sensation, like eavesdropping on a conversation about your own life from a distance. Their words hang heavy in the air, echoing the unspoken complexities of your situation. You stand there, a silent observer to your own narrative, grappling with the strange disconnect between your presence and their discussion.

Ara’s voice rises, her words infused with a desperate plea for understanding. But like, last time they didn’t talk for months and it was just a stupid misunderstanding,” she insists, her eyes searching for empathy among her companions.

Soo-ah interjects with a firm tone, “Do you even comprehend the sheer effort it takes to raise a child?” she questions, her gaze piercing. “If she’s not prepared for that responsibility, then she’s simply not ready.”

It feels funny, how they are talking about you and Jimin, you might as well say something.

The scrubbing of the trough halts abruptly as you pivot towards Ara, your expression a mix of vulnerability and resolve. “It’s not that we aren’t talking,” you begin, your voice carrying the weight of your emotions. “We still communicate, but it’s the sight of Deiji that stings the most. Knowing they’re expecting a child together... it’s hard not to feel consumed by jealousy,” you confess, the words heavy with raw honesty.

Ara’s eyes soften with understanding, her nod a silent acknowledgment of the tumult of emotions you're navigating. “It sounds like you want a child of your own, with Jimin,” she ventures, her words carrying a gentle empathy that resonates with your innermost desires and fears.

Ha-rin’s reaction is a blend of admonishment and hushing as she playfully nudges Ara’s arm, silently urging her to tread carefully while also chiding her for broaching a sensitive topic.

“I’m not entirely certain about having children,” you start, your words measured and tinged with uncertainty, “but raising someone else’s child is certainly not what I imagined or wanted to do.”

Soo-ah and Ha-rin exchange understanding nods. “Do you think you might change your mind later?” Ha-rin inquires gently, her voice carrying a tone of empathy as she continues with her task.

You pause, mulling over her question for a moment, before responding thoughtfully, “I’m not entirely sure... perhaps. It’s just... I can’t quite envision how it would all come together, you know?”

“I just... when I envision Jimin embracing fatherhood, cherishing that little girl of his soon entering the world, it’s her child, not mine,” you sigh in frustration, yet oddly finding a glimmer of relief in the honesty of your words.

“So you’re jealous that it’s not going to be your child?” Ara teases beside you, prompting a scolding glare from Soo-ah.

“You just said you didn’t want kids, but now you say you do... make up your mind,” Ara adds, rolling her eyes in a playful yet challenging manner.

“She doesn’t want Deiji’s kid, can’t you get that?” Soo-ah says, coming to your defense once more, her voice firm with conviction.

“Guys! I’m just not sure I want kids, period. Why can’t I be undecided on this?” Your words hang heavy in the air, a plea for understanding, as you return to the task of scrubbing the trough with a vigor that betrays your inner turmoil.

“Yeah. Let’s not badger her, okay?” Ha-rin’s voice cuts through the tension like a soothing balm, her gentle plea for empathy echoing your own sentiments. You catch her soft gaze, a silent acknowledgment of her understanding, offering a momentary respite from the probing questions.

“But can I say something?” Her demeanor shifts with a mix of hesitance and determination, her gaze seeking reassurance before she speaks. You offer a nod, granting her the space to voice her thoughts, curious about what might follow.

“You still love Jimin and he still loves you— don’t you think you could focus on that, and just like, not focus on the kid?” Her words hang in the air, a delicate plea woven with threads of hope and uncertainty. You feel a pang of longing as she speaks, her sincerity piercing through the heaviness of the situation. Despite the weight of her suggestion, you can't help but consider the possibility buried within her question.

As her words sink in, you find yourself grappling with a newfound perspective. The idea of focusing on your enduring love for Jimin rather than fixating on the looming presence of a child is both liberating and daunting. It’s a notion you’ve never entertained before, a ray of light piercing through the clouds of uncertainty that have engulfed you. Could it be that the solution to your turmoil lies in embracing the love that binds you, rather than allowing fear to drive you apart?

Each stroke of the brush across the canvas feels like a dance, a rhythmic movement driven by the whirlwind of thoughts swirling through your mind. Jimin’s presence looms large in your thoughts, refusing to be ignored or pushed aside. Ha-rin’s words echo in your ears, a gentle reminder to reconsider your perspective. As you ponder the notion of shifting your focus away from Jimin’s impending fatherhood, you can’t help but feel a glimmer of hope flicker within you. Could it be that amidst the chaos of uncertainty, there lies a path illuminated by the enduring flame of love?

You remain ensnared in the labyrinth of uncertainty, grappling with the weight of your emotions and the intricacies of your relationship. The truth is a bitter pill to swallow: Jimin’s impending fatherhood would inevitably redefine the contours of your relationship, demanding a portion of his time and attention that you would never begrudge. Yet, amidst the tangle of doubts and fears, a flicker of understanding begins to dawn. Perhaps, in the vast expanse of love, there exists room for compromise, for navigating the labyrinth together, hand in hand.

The question lingers in the depths of your soul, a haunting refrain echoing through the corridors of your mind: are you truly prepared for it all?

Ready to become someone’s mother. Step mother?

Ready to raise a child?

Yet, can you truly provide a nurturing environment for a child if one of the adults harbors resentment towards their presence?

You understand it’s not the child’s fault, but the mere thought of it being Deiji’s offspring churns your stomach. You harbor an intense dislike for her, and a nagging suspicion still lingers, whispering that she’s up to something.

You’ve never laid eyes on any proof of the paternity test, and the unsettling thought lingers: did Jimin even ask to see it? Perhaps it's time to broach that topic with him.

As you reminisce about the warmth and intimacy you once shared with Jimin, a wave of melancholy washes over you, leaving you adrift in a sea of longing. Doubts creep in, questioning the wisdom of your choices. Should you have held onto what you had with him, despite the challenges?

The canvas before you mirrors the tumult within, a chaotic blend of muddy hues—gray, brown, beige, and dark blue—an unexpected abstraction of your inner turmoil. It’s a reflection of your tangled thoughts, much like the surprise abstract painting that has emerged from your brush. Yet, beneath the layers of color, a longing persists. You ache to create something different, something infused with the joy of yesteryears—perhaps the serene landscapes that once graced your canvas. Yet, as you realize nearly a year has passed since your return to the ranch, a flood of memories rushes in, dominated by thoughts of Jimin.

Oh, how you wish things were different.

On an unassuming day, bathed in sunlight, you find yourself quietly eating breakfast in the kitchen, lost in your own solemn musings. Suddenly, the tranquility is shattered as Jungkook steps into the room, jolting you out of your reverie.

You’re acutely aware that since parting ways with Jimin, you’ve been teetering on the brink of depression. It was a painful but necessary decision to safeguard your shattered heart. Yet, despite your efforts to protect yourself, you’re haunted by the gnawing realization that no matter what path you choose, your heart remains irreparably broken.

“Hey,” he greets you with a warm smile, but as you return the gesture, your own smile falls short of matching his infectious happiness. Your gaze lingers on him, curiosity piqued as you notice something clutched in his hand. Why is he carrying a letter?

“How are you doing?” he inquires, and you respond with a bitter chuckle. Can’t he see how you’re doing? You’re well aware of your appearance, having been reminded by your sister that you look like a mess. The truth is, you’re consumed by a constant sadness, and you’ve exhausted all your energy trying to conceal it.

“I feel like shit,” you admit, opting for raw honesty because pretending otherwise seems futile. Jungkook knows you well, understands the depth of your pain stemming from the breakup with his brother.

He offers you a reassuring smile, closing the distance between you as he gently places the white envelope on the table. Your eyes drift down to it, and you immediately recognize your name scrawled across it in familiar handwriting—it’s Jimin’s.

“This is from my brother,” he murmurs, his nerves palpable as he scratches the back of his head, causing you to shift your gaze between him and the letter, your mind racing with anticipation. What could possibly be contained within? Will it offer solace or inflict further pain? The uncertainty grips you tightly, leaving you on edge.

“Can’t he speak for himself?” You question, a hint of frustration seeping into your voice as your fingers hover over the letter, finally grasping it to inspect its contents.

“He’s torn about whether to give you space or not,” Jungkook confides, his voice tinged with uncertainty. “And he has no idea that I snatched the letter.”

Your eyes widen as you fix your gaze on him. “Are you sure I should read this then?” You inquire, a hint of apprehension creeping into your voice. “Maybe Jimin doesn’t want me to read it.”

Jungkook offers you a gentle smile. “It’s fine,” he reassures, his tone laced with determination. “If he gets mad, it’s on me. But you need to read it. I’m tired of seeing you both suffer like this.”

With those words, he leaves you to grapple with your thoughts and the letter, its edges slightly crumpled, a testament to the turmoil it contains. Your heart pounds in your chest, your mind weighed down by a heavy burden, and your eyes dry from the countless tears shed. You resolve to open the letter, sliding it out slowly; its handwritten contents are adorned with dried tears, each smudge a poignant reminder of the emotions woven into every word. Even before you begin to read, a lump forms in your throat, and your vision blurs with the tears welling up in your eyes.

Despite your trembling hands and the overwhelming emotions coursing through you, you summon every ounce of courage within you. With a determined resolve, you steady your gaze and immerse yourself in every heart-wrenching word penned by Jimin in his letter.

My love,

You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you more than words can express, and the ache of missing you is a constant companion. I’m deeply sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. No apology could ever capture the depth of my remorse for hurting you repeatedly. My heart weighs heavy with regret, and I want you to know how truly sorry I am. I wish I could undo the hurt I’ve caused. I understand that you may not be ready for motherhood, and I would never want to pressure you into anything. But I hold onto hope that we can find our way back to each other. I love you endlessly, and the thought of being apart is unbearable. I know I don’t deserve your kindness and forgiveness, but please, consider giving me another chance. You are my everything, and I long for us to be reunited. 

With all my love and remorse,

Jimin

As your tears mingle with Jimin’s on the page, your heart aches with a poignant mix of love and pain. Despite the hurt he’s caused, your love for him remains unwavering, yet it’s accompanied by the uncertainty of whether you’re prepared for motherhood. However, amidst the turmoil, a flicker of hope ignites within you—perhaps, just perhaps, you can find the strength to be ready for that journey with him.

You sense the weight of your thoughts pressing down, suffocating you. There’s an urgency to clear your mind, to escape the labyrinth of your own making. And you know precisely what remedy awaits: a ride. Out onto the sprawling expanse of land surrounding your ranch, where the wind whispers secrets and the horizon stretches endlessly. It’s your sanctuary, your refuge from the turmoil within—a chance to lose yourself in the rhythm of hoofbeats and the vastness of the world beyond.

Typically, when you saddle up, the chaos in your mind settles, and you allow yourself to sink into the serenity of the natural world, letting the rhythm of hoofbeats replace the cacophony of thoughts.

That’s why you find yourself in the barn, carefully saddling Mikrokosmos, feeling the familiar weight of the leather in your hands, the comforting scent of hay and wood surrounding you. With each buckle tightened and each strap secured, a sense of anticipation builds within you. Leading Mikrokosmos out of the barn, you’re eager to immerse yourself in the healing embrace of nature, seeking solace in the rhythmic cadence of hoofbeats and the whispering winds.

With a steady breath, you slide your foot into the stirrup, feeling the familiar weight of your body settling into the saddle. As you swing your leg over, a surge of anticipation courses through you, mingling with the raw energy emanating from Mikrokosmos. With a gentle nudge of your heels, you coax her into motion, feeling the power of her muscles ripple beneath you as she eagerly responds to your command, propelling both of you forward into the boundless expanse of the open land.

With each rhythmic beat of Mikrokosmos’ hooves against the earth, you surrender to the wild abandon of the ride, seeking solace in the untamed beauty of the landscape unfurling before you. Away from the suffocating grip of memories and uncertainties, you allow the wind to carry away the weight of your burdens, embracing the freedom of the open horizon as you ride further into the unknown.

As the wind weaves through your hair, its gentle touch whispers a symphony of freedom, entwining with the rhythmic melody of Mikrokosmos’ hooves tearing through the earth. With each stride, she paints the landscape with her fervent dance, sending plumes of dust swirling into the air. In the harmony of nature’s cadence, your spirit soars, liberated from the weight of doubt and longing. Each thunderous beat of her hooves resonates with the pounding rhythm of your heart.

Surrendering to the rush of wind and the pounding of hooves, you relinquish the burdens that have tethered your soul, allowing them to scatter like leaves in the breeze, if only for a fleeting moment.

As the sky transforms from serene blue to ominous gray, then to the cloak of night pierced by flashes of lightning, you sense the electricity in the air mirrored by Mikrokosmos’ subtle twitch, a silent acknowledgment of nature’s impending fury.

As the thunderclouds gather with ominous intent, you’re acutely aware of the danger of being caught in the open during a storm. Lost in the vast expanse, you realize with a sinking feeling that you’ve ventured too far to return before the tempest strikes. Yet, the urgency to seek shelter pushes you onward, driven by the instinct to find safety amidst the approaching chaos.

Amidst the dense foliage, you urgently guide Mikrokosmos, a steadfast companion in the tumultuous terrain. Suddenly, a deafening rumble ruptures the air, and the heavens ignite with a blinding flash. Your loyal steed startles, veering sharply as a nearby tree becomes a target for the furious lightning. With lightning’s crackle still echoing, Mikrokosmos rears in panic, jolting you from the saddle. You plummet to the earth, pain searing through your body upon impact, a harsh reminder of nature's unforgiving power. Fuck it hurts.

Mikrokosmos, wide-eyed and trembling, lingers by your side, almost like she wants to make sure you’re okay. You extend a trembling hand in reassurance, craving the solace of her presence, but as another deafening thunderclap reverberates through the sky, she recoils in terror. With a swift and panicked motion, she breaks away, vanishing into the wilderness, leaving you alone amidst the storm’s fury.

“Mikrokosmos, come back!” Your voice echoes through the wilderness, a desperate plea swallowed by the roaring tempest. With each strained syllable, you feel the weight of your fear and frustration, your heart racing in sync with her retreating hoofbeats. As you struggle to rise, the sting of pain ignites along your spine, a harsh reminder of your vulnerability amidst nature's fury. Damn it - you should have prepared her for moments like these, should have been more vigilant in her training with sudden loud noises. Now, your failure looms large, a bitter taste of remorse in the storm's relentless assault.

As the rain pours down in relentless sheets and the sky is intermittently illuminated by flashes of lightning, she finds herself lost in worry. Hours have slipped by since her sister embarked on her ride, and with each passing minute, concern gnaws at her like a persistent ache. In the midst of such tumultuous weather, her sister should have returned by now. 

Where could she be? What if something has gone wrong out there in the storm’s fury?

Anxious tendrils grip her as she leans in closer to Jungkook, her voice trembling with concern. “Kook, I’m really worried about my sister. She should have been back by now,” she confides, her words laced with a sense of urgency. Jungkook’s eyes widen in alarm, his grip tightening on the beer bottle as he absorbs her distress.

As she gazes out the window, her heart lurches at the sight of a panicked Mikrokosmos darting around the yard. “Mikrokosmos is running wild out there, but still no sign of my sister. This can’t be good,” she murmurs, urgency coloring her voice as she hastily slips into her boots and jacket. Sensing the gravity of the situation, Jungkook is right by her side, his expression mirroring her concern as they prepare to investigate.

Jessi manages to soothe Mikrokosmos, her fingers gently curling around the reins. “Easy, girl,” she murmurs, her voice a soft reassurance in the midst of the storm.

She strokes Mikrokosmos’ mane, her touch a comforting anchor in the chaos of the storm. “Easy, girl,” she whispers, her voice a soothing melody amidst the thunderous symphony. “Steady, now,” she repeats, her words a gentle plea for calmness.

She whirls around to face Jungkook, urgency etched across her features. “This isn’t good. Where’s my sister?” Her voice quivers with worry, each word punctuated by the pounding rain outside, echoing the frantic beat of her heart.

Jungkook pivots, his eyes widening at the sight of Soo-ah hurtling from her cottage. “What’s Mikrokosmos doing here alone?” His voice is laced with concern, mirroring the panic in Soo-ah’s expression.

Jessi relinquishes the reins to Soo-ah, her voice trembling with worry. “I think something has happened to my sister, otherwise Mikrokosmos wouldn’t be here alone. Can you please take her into the stables, calm her down, and we’ll search for my sister?”

Soo-ah seizes the reins with determination and offers Jessi a firm nod, leading Mikrokosmos over to the stables. Jessi’s expression is etched with concern as she turns to Jungkook, her brow furrowed in deep distress.

“Let’s go look for her, she shouldn’t be out in this weather,” With urgency etched in his voice, he clasps her hand firmly, a silent promise of support. Together, they hustle to his truck, determination fueling their actions as they race back to Bell Ranch, intent on rallying more help to find you.

They dash through the rain-drenched yard, urgency in each step as they burst into the house where Jimin, Hoseok, and Yoongi lounge in front of the TV, oblivious to the mounting concern etched on Jungkook and Jessi’s faces.

Urgency floods Jungkook’s voice as he interrupts their tranquility. “Guys, Jess’ sister is missing. We need your help to find her,” he implores, his words slicing through the calm of the room like a thunderbolt.

Jimin’s muscles tense, his expression darkening with concern as his heart quickens its pace. Yoongi springs from the couch with such urgency that he should feel lightheaded. In a synchronized rush, the trio leaps into action, snatching up their boots and jackets.

The weather outside is relentless, the midday darkness accentuated by the unyielding rain and gray skies, enveloping everything in a shroud of cold, damp chill.

Jimin’s voice cuts through the tension, his hand already reaching for the keys to his truck. “Should we split into groups of two or three?” he suggests, urgency lacing his words like a silent plea for swift action.

Jessi’s voice holds authority, her words cutting through the air like a command. “I think two are fine,” she concedes, her tone firm and resolute. “But you’re not driving.” Her finger jabs towards Jimin, swiftly snatching the keys from his grasp and passing them to Yoongi with an unyielding resolve.

Jimin’s expression shifts from disbelief to begrudging acceptance as he grapples with Jessi’s unexpected assertion. Despite his initial astonishment, a flicker of understanding ignites within him, and he obediently trails after his brother and Jessi, braving the torrential rain outside.

Yoongi and Hoseok climb into Jimin’s trusty blue truck, equipped with a walkie-talkie in hand, their fingers poised to establish a connection with Jungkook, Jimin, and Jessi in the other vehicle. As they settle in, the anticipation in the air is palpable, their shared determination driving them forward into the unknown.

Yoongi’s voice crackles over the walkie-talkie, edged with concern, as he asks, “Do we have any idea which direction she might have gone?” His words hang in the air, heavy with the weight of uncertainty, echoing the urgency of their search.

Jessi’s voice crackles with determination over the line as she directs the plan, “We’re clueless about her direction. Let’s split up – you take the eastern side, we’ll cover the western.” Meanwhile, Jungkook twists the key in the ignition, setting the window wipers to a frantic rhythm. Jimin, gripped by worry, perches on the edge of his seat in the back, craning forward over the center console to scan the rain-soaked landscape ahead.

They embark on their respective routes, traversing the treacherous terrain of the rugged hills. The landscape is unyielding, but the sturdy trucks with four-wheel drive prove to be invaluable companions. Jungkook guides their vehicle with practiced precision, a stark contrast to the frantic urgency of their previous search when Jessi was missing. This time, he maneuvers cautiously, each movement deliberate, mindful of the perilous conditions and determined to avoid any mishaps.

Jimin’s voice cuts through the tension in the truck's cabin, his impatience palpable. “Can’t you drive faster?” he urges his brother from the back seat, his anxiety mounting with each passing moment.

Jungkook’s tone carries a hint of frustration as he scuffs, “No, this terrain isn’t really made for fast driving. And relax. We’ll find her,” his words a gentle reassurance amidst the mounting worry.

Jimin huffs impatiently in the back seat, realizing there’s nothing much to do but wait until they find you. Each passing moment heightens his concern, hoping against hope that you’re safe amidst the storm and uncertainty.

Jessi turns to Jimin, her voice cutting through the tense atmosphere in the truck. “That ring you bought a while back, is it just collecting dust, or do you plan on giving it to her soon?” Her directness adds another layer of urgency to the situation, hinting at the unresolved emotions lingering between him and you.

Jungkook chuckles beside her, a brief moment of lightness amidst the tension, yet his gaze remains fixed on the rugged path ahead, emphasizing the gravity of the situation they’re in.

Jimin stumbles over his words, his voice strained with uncertainty. “I just don’t think now’s the right time,” he admits, his words tinged with the weight of recent events. “This whole thing with Deiji and then your sister breaking up with me, I don’t think it would be appropriate.” His voice trails off, the unfinished sentence hanging heavy with unspoken emotions.

She scoffs, her tone laced with incredulity. “Appropriate?” Her disbelief echoes through the cabin, challenging Jimin’s hesitation with a raw intensity.

She turns her whole body in her seat to face Jimin, her eyes ablaze with urgency. “I’m sorry, but this whole thing with Deiji is hella suspicious. And you love my sister, right? She loves you too. She’s almost sick, because she broke up with you, did you know that?” Her words hang heavy in the air, charged with a blend of concern and accusation, demanding a response from Jimin.

Jimin’s eyes widen at her words, a mix of surprise and guilt flashing across his face, but he remains silent, his thoughts swirling like a tempestuous sea, grappling with the weight of her accusations.

“She doesn’t eat properly anymore. She’s lost weight, she’s not sleeping— shall I keep going?” She crosses her arms, her voice edged with a mixture of concern and frustration. This whole thing just makes her mad. She hates seeing her favorite people hurt like this, consumed by a storm of emotions that threatens to engulf them both.

“Oh, did you know she cries herself to sleep every night?” she adds, her voice trembling with a mix of hurt and vulnerability, as if she’s revealing a secret that should have remained buried.

Jimin’s breath catches at her revelation, his eyes widening in shock. “I didn’t know,” he admits, his voice tinged with guilt and regret.

“Listen, I don’t know why she can’t talk to you,” Jessi continues, her tone a blend of frustration and concern. “But having Deiji around makes it incredibly tough for her— and I’m not suggesting you abandon her or your future child. However, finding a balance that allows space for my sister without causing her this kind of pain might be worth considering.”

“But she’s made it clear she’s not ready for kids,” Jimin murmurs, his voice barely audible over the increasingly rough terrain.

“It’s not just any kid, Jimin, it’s hers, for heaven’s sake! Can’t you see the weight of that?” she practically scolds him, her voice firm and resounding with frustration.

Jimin is rendered speechless—his mind swirling with conflicting emotions, leaving him utterly at a loss for words.

“You really hurt her when you started dating Deiji, you know. When you shut her out, assuming she was with Yoongi,” she adds, her voice laced with a raw intensity, fighting for you, voicing the unspoken turmoil you’re grappling with. “She loves you deeply, but I’m certain Deiji triggers memories she’d rather bury.” She pivots back, her tone searing with frustration. “And why the fuck would you do that? Why couldn’t you just talk to her?”

Jimin’s gaze locks onto hers, his eyes widening with a mixture of remorse and vulnerability, as if on the brink of tears. “I know I behaved poorly. I—I don’t know, I was just consumed by jealousy. I know I was petty.”

Jessi nods, her expression softening with empathy. “See, you were jealous and didn’t speak to her. Now she’s jealous and doesn’t speak to you. Do you see a pattern here?” Her words hang in the air, heavy with the weight of truth, urging Jimin to confront the echoes of his own actions.

Jimin nods, his heart heavy with a mix of gratitude and remorse, appreciating both the insight and the gentle reprimand from Jessi.

“Now. If you don’t get your shit together and talk to her, I’m going to ask your little brother to beat your ass up,”  she teases, a playful grin lighting up her face. Her hand finds its way to his thigh, a reassuring squeeze emphasizing her point. “But seriously, she’s going to be alright, and you’re going to talk to her.”

Jungkook’s laughter fills the truck cabin, and Jimin nervously bites his lip, but he nods in acknowledgment to your sister’s words. He’s well aware that he needs to have that conversation with you, even though attempts in the past have been met with avoidance on your part. It’s clear that seeing Deiji has been a trigger for you, and the realization hits him hard. He's caused you so much pain, put you through hell, and it's a weight he can't bear. This isn’t how it should be, and he knows he needs to find a way to make things right.

As the rain continues to pour relentlessly, the passage of time becomes a blur, lost in the rhythm of the storm pounding against the truck's windshield.

“Have you had any luck?” Jessi’s voice crackles through the walkie talkie, a lifeline in the storm, as she eagerly seeks any sign of hope or progress.

“Not yet.” Yoongi's voice cuts through the static, tinged with a hint of frustration, indicating the ongoing struggle and the uncertainty of the situation.

Suddenly, Jimin’s voice crackles with urgency, breaking the tension in the truck. “I think I see something—over there, by that bush!” His finger jabs towards a dark figure, barely discernible amidst the downpour, a beacon of hope in the relentless storm.

Jungkook steers the truck towards the figure, the engine growling with determination. As they draw nearer, their headlights cutting through the rain, the silhouette resolves into a familiar form—there you are, huddled against the elements, your arms wrapped tightly around yourself, each tremble echoing their worry.

With a surge of relief, Jessi flips on the walkie talkie, her voice slicing through the storm like a beacon of hope. “We’ve found her!” Her words, charged with emotion, resonate through the static, breaking through the tension like a ray of sunlight through dark clouds.

Yoongi’s voice carries a wave of relief, cutting through the tension like a soothing melody. “Thank god,” he exhales, his words echoing the collective sentiment of the group, a chorus of gratitude amid the storm’s fury.

Despite the lingering heat, your body trembles, a stark contrast to the relentless downpour that now subsides, replaced by a calm silence broken only by the soft patter of raindrops.

In the distance, headlights cut through the gloom, bouncing over the rugged landscape, gradually growing larger and clearer. As the familiar black truck draws near, a wave of relief floods your weary and trembling form, soothing your frayed nerves.

The truck grinds to a halt just a stone’s throw away, and in an instant, three figures spill out onto the rain-soaked earth: Jungkook, your steadfast sister, and Jimin, his urgency palpable in every stride.

Jimin sprints to your side with an urgency that echoes his concern, his strides propelled by an undeniable determination. His embrace envelops you, a reassuring anchor amidst the storm. “How are you holding up?” he implores, his voice a blend of worry and relief. You offer a nonchalant shrug, masking the turmoil within. “Could be worse,” you reply, your words betraying the weight of your ordeal.

Your sister’s gaze scans you intently, her eyes mapping every contour, searching for any sign of harm. “What happened?” she inquires, her voice edged with concern. “Mikrokosmos returned without you.” Her words hang in the air, punctuated by the gravity of the situation, each syllable laden with the weight of unanswered questions and looming danger.

“The thunder spooked her and I fell off,” you explain, feeling Jimin’s firm hand pulling you upright. The words spill from your lips, mingling with the pattering rain as you recount the moment of panic and disarray.

“Any injuries?” He inquires, his eyes scanning you with the same meticulous care as your sister had done moments before. Yet, to your relief, there isn’t a single scratch or bruise to be found on your body.

“I-I just feel sore,” you manage, your voice tinged with discomfort, the chill of the rain making your words stutter slightly. Jimin immediately envelops you in his arms once more, leading you gently towards his brother’s truck. Your sister, too, lends her support, her gaze fixed on you with concern. As you glance down, you catch a glimmer from her left hand, and there, amidst the rain, you spot something sparkling.

“What’s that?” You inquire, your voice a mixture of curiosity and exhaustion as they guide you back towards the truck, their arms offering steadying support.

“What?” your sister inquires, her brows furrowing slightly as she holds the door open for you to climb into the backseat.

“That ring on your finger,” you observe, noting the flush creeping up her cheeks. She attempts to conceal her hand, but it’s too late—you’ve already caught sight of it. With gentle insistence, you grasp her hand and bring it closer for inspection. A delicate gold band adorned with a simple white stone gleams in the dim light, its beauty striking you. Glancing at Jungkook, you’re met with a tender expression, silently affirming the significance of the moment.

“You proposed to her?” You inquire, your voice catching on the brink of tears, emotions swirling within you—a mix of overwhelming joy and heartfelt sentiment.

His laughter dances in the air as he admits, “I did,” his grin radiating warmth, all while your sister playfully attempts to wrest her hand from your firm grasp.

“When did this happen?” Inquisitively, you pivot between them, anticipation lacing your voice. Their eyes momentarily break contact, drawn down to the damp earth beneath them, as if searching for the right words amidst the glistening droplets.

“A week ago,” Her admission comes in a hushed tone, tinged with a hint of regret, the weight of secrecy palpable in the air. It's as though the words have been lodged in her throat for days, finally finding release, yet carrying with them the burden of silence she bore for an entire week.

“And you didn’t tell me?” You exhale a mix of disbelief and hurt, your incredulous gaze bouncing between them like a pinball in motion. Reluctantly, you yield to Jimin and your sister's gentle insistence, allowing them to guide you into the shelter of the backseat, away from the relentless downpour. With a comforting presence, Jimin settles beside you, while your sister and Jungkook join you in the truck, cocooning you in a blend of warmth and unspoken apologies.

“We wanted to tell you,” your sister starts, her voice carrying a blend of sincerity and hesitation, mingling with the hum of the engine as Jungkook maneuvers the truck down the hill, steering back towards home.“We just didn’t want to make you sad, so I didn’t wear the ring, until today…” she continues, her eyes betraying a sadness mirrored in your own conflicted emotions. You wrestle with the complexity of her consideration, torn between gratitude for her sensitivity and the ache of your own hidden sorrow. After all, shouldn’t you be thrilled for them? Yet, beneath the surface, your heart echoes with a quieter, more personal ache, one that whispers of your own unspoken battles with sadness and despair.

“Why would you make me sad? It makes me sad that you’ve been hiding it from me,” you lament, a tinge of frustration coloring your words as you grapple with the chill seeping through your sodden attire, clinging uncomfortably to your skin. Each droplet feels like a weight, echoing the heaviness of the withheld truth, leaving you to mire in a mix of emotions, neither warm nor settled.

Sensing your shivers, Jimin swiftly sheds his jacket, enfolding you in its warmth with a tender gesture, a shield against the biting cold that had crept beneath your skin.

“I only wanted to spare you from pain,” your sister’s voice softens, regret lacing each syllable as she meets your gaze, her words heavy with remorse. “I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner.”

You nod, a bittersweet smile tugging at the corners of your lips. Despite the sadness clouding your heart, you grasp onto the flicker of happiness for your loved ones. It sucks that she didn’t tell you, but you do understand why she did it.

Your gaze shifts to Jimin, a whirlwind of unspoken words swirling within you, a thousand thoughts clamoring for attention. Each thought jostles for prominence, yet amidst the chaos, you find yourself lost in the labyrinth of your own mind, grappling with the weight of unsaid feelings, uncertain where to begin or how to articulate the storm raging within.

“Thank you for the jacket,” Gratitude tumbles from your lips for the jacket, a feeble attempt to bridge the chasm of silence that has grown between you, though its weight feels heavier with unspoken tension. There’s an unfamiliar air, thick with unresolved emotions, a palpable unease that lingers like an unwelcome guest. You’ve been avoiding him, grappling with the aftermath of your decision to end things, haunted by the specter of his past relationship and the fragility of your own heart, torn between the longing for reconciliation and the fear of further heartbreak.

“You’re welcome. And I’m sorry,” Jimin murmurs, his gaze a tender caress as he studies you intently, as if attempting to decipher the intricate layers of your being. You can’t help but wonder if he notices the shadows beneath your eyes, heavier now than before, or if he sees the telltale signs of your daily tears etched upon your swollen, puffy face. Does he perceive the subtle changes in your physique, the way your clothes hang looser, mirroring the weight of your burdened heart? In the depths of his gaze, you question if he glimpses the essence of your soul, the silent yearning for his touch, for the rekindling of his boundless love that once enveloped you in warmth and security.

“What for?” You inquire, a soft sniffle punctuating your words, yet your gaze remains unwavering, locked onto the depths of his captivating brown eyes. In that moment, a wave of longing washes over you, the realization of your own foolishness crashing against the shores of your consciousness. You’ve yearned for him in his absence, now understanding the foolishness of your pride. Love pulses within you, a beacon amidst the stormy seas of doubt, begging the question: shouldn't love be reason enough? Isn't it the only thing that truly matters in the end?

“For treating you so poorly. For every misstep, every hurtful word, every moment of silence that drove a wedge between us, for dating Deiji, for not realizing how much it all has hurt you,” he confesses, his voice a fragile whisper teetering on the edge of remorse. Tears glisten in his eyes, a testament to the depth of his regret. His trembling hand finds solace in the curve of your cheek, tenderly cupping it as if to anchor himself amidst the tempest of his emotions. You yield to his touch, the warmth and softness of his hand a balm to your wounded soul, melting away the barriers that had stood between you, allowing you to surrender to the familiar comfort of his embrace.

“I’ve been unbelievably foolish, and I’m utterly sorry,” his voice catches in his throat, the weight of his remorse evident as a tear breaks free from his lashes, tracing a silent path down his cheek. “I never meant to hurt you like this,” he confesses, each word heavy with regret. “I love you so much,” he whispers, the depth of his affection echoing in the tremor of his voice, a testament to the sincerity of his devotion.

“I know you broke up with me because you’re not ready to have kids, and I completely understand that,” his hand intertwines with yours, a lifeline in the tumult of emotions that swirl between you. His gaze searches yours, seeking understanding, seeking reassurance, perhaps seeking forgiveness. “But I can’t shake the feeling that we belong together— I want you back,” he confesses, his voice a soft plea tinged with hope. “I love you, and I believe in us. I never imagined this path for us, but I truly believe we can navigate it together,” he asserts, his grip on your hand tightening as if to anchor his resolve. “And the child, she’ll have her own home with Deiji,” he adds, a note of reassurance in his voice, as if to alleviate any concerns that lingered in your heart.

“I got your letter,” you murmur, your tone laden with emotion, observing the shock that washes over his face.

“How?” His voice quivers slightly, betraying the turmoil raging within him, and a pang of guilt washes over you as you realize you probably shouldn’t have read the letter, especially since he didn’t give it to you personally.

Your gaze shifts towards Jungkook, and Jimin instinctively follows the direction of your eyes, noting the scuffs, before returning his attention to you. “I meant every word I wrote in it,” he declares, his tone unwavering despite the vulnerability in his eyes.

As you nod, waves of his love wash over you, intertwining with your own affection and flooding your veins with a warmth that knits together the fragments of your once-scattered heart.

Your heart flutters within its cage of ribs, caught in a dance of uncertainty and longing. His words resonate with you, stirring a flicker of hope in the depths of your soul, yet doubt lingers like a shadow at dusk. You’re torn, teetering on the precipice of indecision, but amidst the turmoil, one truth remains steadfast: your love for him burns unwaveringly, an eternal flame that illuminates the darkness of doubt. And in that flicker of certainty, you find solace, trusting that love, in all its complexities, will guide you through the labyrinth of uncertainty.

“Okay.” The word escapes your lips like a fragile whisper, hanging in the air like the delicate balance of a teetering scale. In the ensuing silence that envelops the truck, you observe the shift in Jimin’s expression, his features morphing into a silent query, a question mark etched upon his face, seeking to decipher the weight of your response and the myriad emotions swirling within you.

“What do you mean?” Jimin’s voice breaks the silence, tinged with confusion, his brows furrowing in bewilderment at your curt response. His inquiry hangs in the air, an invitation to unravel the enigma of your brief words, beckoning you to delve deeper into the intricacies of your thoughts and feelings.

“I want us to be together again,” you confess, your gaze locked with his, the shimmer of tears mirroring the depth of his remorse. Yet amidst the regret, his love for you radiates like a beacon, casting aside the shadows of doubt. You can’t deny the intensity of your own affection, a love that courses through your veins, unwavering and undeniable. It’s as if destiny itself has woven your souls together, an unbreakable bond that transcends time and distance, a truth you've known since the moment your eyes first met after all those years apart.

Without hesitation, Jimin closes the distance between you, his lips meeting yours in a fervent embrace. The kiss is hurried, tinged with the salt of his tears, yet you savor every moment, for his touch ignites a fire within you, reigniting the vibrant hues of your world. In the warmth of his embrace, you feel the dull ache of sadness dissipate, replaced by the kaleidoscope of emotions that accompany the return of his affection. It’s as if life’s dull monochrome has been replaced with a symphony of colors, painting your world anew.

Rekindling your relationship with Jimin has been more than just good—it’s been a revival of your soul. With him by your side, you feel whole once more, the missing piece of your heart seamlessly slotting back into place. Despite the challenges that still loom on the horizon, you find solace in the simple truth that you have each other to rely on, to support and uplift in times of need. 

As two full moons have passed, the looming prospect of Deiji’s imminent labor hangs heavy in the air, a constant reminder of the complexities that have woven themselves into your life. Despite the passage of time, your disdain for her remains unyielding, fueled by a nagging sense of distrust that refuses to be quelled. You’ve voiced your suspicions to Jimin, laying bare the unsettling behaviors that gnaw at your conscience—her reluctance to reveal the results of the paternity test, the cryptic details surrounding her medical appointments, the sudden refusal to allow Jimin to accompany her, especially after your request to see the test results. With each revelation, Jimin’s eyes begin to open to the unsettling truth lurking beneath Deiji’s facade.

A creeping suspicion takes root within you, whispering the unsettling possibility that Deiji’s claims may be nothing more than elaborate fabrications. The thought lingers like a shadow in your mind, casting doubt upon the foundation of your reality. While a part of you entertains the notion that perhaps she never carried Jimin’s child at all, the implications of such deceit weigh heavily upon your conscience. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, the idea that unraveling her web of lies could potentially simplify your life, yet the thought of the devastation it would bring to Jimin is a sobering reminder of the delicate balance between truth and consequence.

In the face of adversity, you and Jimin are actively striving to strengthen your communication skills, recognizing the tendency to retreat into your own worlds when challenges arise. Both of you understand the paramount importance of articulating your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly, realizing that true connection and understanding can only flourish in the fertile soil of effective communication.

And so, you find yourself once more within the comforting confines of his home, the tantalizing aroma of dinner wafting through the air, stirring your appetite and igniting a sense of eager anticipation. As hungry as you were during your previous visit, this time the atmosphere is charged with a newfound warmth and intimacy, infusing the meal with an extra layer of significance. With each bite, you’re not only nourishing your body but also savoring the love and care that your boyfriend has poured into the culinary creation before you.

“Jimin, this looks absolutely mouthwatering,” you exclaim, your fork poised eagerly above the food, ready to indulge in the culinary masterpiece before you.

“Thanks, I hope it tastes as good as it looks,” he replies, a radiant smile gracing his features as he joins you in savoring the meal he's prepared with care.

The first bite is an explosion of flavors on your palate, a symphony of tastes that dance and mingle, leaving you craving more. It’s a culinary masterpiece, each ingredient harmonizing perfectly to create a sensation that delights every sense. This incredible man’s cooking never fails to amaze, leaving you in awe of his talent and grateful for the privilege of tasting his creations.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something,” he interjects between bites, his expression thoughtful as he pauses to address the topic weighing on his thoughts.

Locked in a gaze brimming with boundless affection, you find yourself lost in the depths of his eyes, a silent exchange of love and understanding passing between you. With a gentle nod, you encourage him to continue, your heart swelling with anticipation for the words he’s about to share.

“I’ve been thinking about the arrival of the baby,” he begins, his eyes alight with curiosity, sparking a smile to bloom across your face in response. “Do you think we should prepare a special room for her? And where do you think she should be sleeping?”

“I believe she should start off in our room, close to us, but later she can get her own room” you propose, a smile gracing your lips as you envision the cozy arrangement.

“Hmm. Good idea. Thank you for being so cool about it and wanting to do it with me,” he expresses, his eyes shimmering with affection as he extends his hand across the table, silently inviting you to join him in this journey.

You cover his hand with yours, gently tracing circles on his skin as you speak softly, “I don’t know if I’d call it being cool, but I’m doing my best to navigate this new territory.” Despite the uncertainty looming ahead, you offer him a reassuring smile, knowing that embarking on this co-parenting journey will undoubtedly present challenges. Yet, with Jimin by your side, you feel a sense of strength and reassurance, a reminder that together, you can weather any storm.

“Well, thank you. It means everything to me,” he murmurs, his voice laden with gratitude as he leans across the table, closing the gap between you to plant a tender kiss on your lips.

You draw back slightly, your hands tenderly cradling his face, locking eyes with him as you whisper, “I love you, Jimin,” the words carrying the weight of your devotion and the promise of forever.

A warm smile graces his lips in response to your declaration, a silent acknowledgment of the deep love you share. Returning to your meal, a comfortable silence descends upon you both, enveloping you like a soft embrace, a tranquil refuge from the chaos of the world outside.

Raising your gaze, you wait patiently for his eyes to meet yours, the urgency of your words evident in your expression. “I truly believe you need to have a conversation with Deiji,” you urge, a sense of unease settling in your stomach. “There’s something off about all of this, something I can’t quite decipher,” you add, your voice laced with concern and the unspoken weight of intuition.

Jimin nods solemnly, his brows furrowing in concern. “You’re right. It’s been bothering me too. She’s been unresponsive to my texts lately,” he admits, his voice tinged with apprehension and a growing sense of unease.

“Perhaps it’s time to pay her a visit and have a heart-to-heart conversation,” you propose, a gentle smile gracing your lips.

“That sounds like a good idea,” he responds eagerly, his eyes alight with determination. With a renewed sense of purpose, you both continue to savor the meal, engaging in light-hearted conversation as you contemplate the impending discussion with Deiji.

For an entire week, communication between you and Jimin has been scarce, lost amidst the whirlwind of chores and responsibilities that accompany life on your respective ranches. From dawn till dusk, your days blur together with the relentless tasks of sheep shearing, cattle herding, and countless other duties demanding your attention. Exhaustion seeps into your bones, leaving little energy for anything beyond the essential exchanges of ‘goodbye’ and ‘good morning’ shared over the phone, a stark reminder of the physical and emotional toll of your demanding lifestyles.

Tonight is one of those nights when every muscle in your body aches with weariness, longing for the soothing touch of Jimin’s hands to unravel the knots of tension and stress that cling stubbornly to your frame. The thought of sinking into the warm embrace of his oversized bathtub offers a glimmer of solace amidst the weariness, a sanctuary where the trials of ranch life can be temporarily forgotten. Despite feeling battered and bruised, the exhaustion of the day weighs heavy upon you, dragging you into the welcoming arms of sleep within mere minutes.

You’re unsure of how long you’ve been lost in slumber, but a peculiar scent and an eerie sound stir you from your rest. As consciousness slowly returns, your head feels heavy and your senses are muddled, the faint aroma of something resembling a campfire teasing your nostrils. The source of the scent eludes you, shrouded in the fog of fatigue that clouds your mind, as the haunting creak of wood contracting fills the air, sending a shiver down your spine.

Author’s note(2): Thank you so much for reading! 🌸 I would very much appreciate it if you reblogged the chapter, if you liked it ✨ A small review or a comment would also mean a lot to me, and even a like. But please, don’t be afraid to let me know what you think; your kind words makes me extremely happy 💜 Remember the Q&A that is coming in the Epilogue— if you want to send in some questions for the characters, you can do it now (and later too) → Ask the characters (or me), anything ❣️

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[peach-and-bugs]

💚Bean Sprout - Lottie Matthews x fem!Reader💚

ch 1 - chapter 2 - ch 3

Fanfiction master list

disclaimer: don't repost my work. I only post on Tumblr and on Ao3. anything else is stolen and should be removed immediately

Summary: You've been happily married to Charlotte Matthews for some odd years now, but it feels like it's time to take a step in a new direction together... aka mama!Lottie

Warnings: suggestive conversation & implication, insecurity

Word Count: 1,346

A/N: Hello Loves, we're back with more Mama!Lottie! I kept this one on the shorter side compared to most chapters I write, but this one kinda ended pretty naturally and I didn't feel like forcing more into it. As always, feel free to leave questions or comments in my comments or ask box, and happy reading! 💚

Lottie Matthews Tag List: (open) @elliesjoints

Yellowjackets Tag List: @frasersgf @minimickzy

"Bean Sprout" Tag List: @mistysswampmud @emilynissangtr

General Tag List: @summergeezburr

-💚-

Of course, a much longer conversation was had, and after a few weeks of intense organization, you both moved on to talking with doctors about your options. You agreed together that you’d carry, seeing as you were younger. You’d argued that 34 wasn’t all that much younger compared to 38, but Lottie had only laughed, shaking her head. It had been some time now, and you'd had begun taking a wide variety of supplements as you started tracking your cycle to get the IVF going. 

On this evening, you were lying flat on your back on the couch, flipping through a binder of potential male donors that the clinic had given you to look through held over your head. Lottie moved into the living room from the kitchen, carrying two mugs of tea with her. She set one down on the coffee table in front of you before she tapped at your feet, silently asking you to scoot. You lifted your feet but didn’t look up from the binder. 

“This is so weird,” You grumbled. Lottie sat at the other end of the couch with her feet up on the coffee table as she moved your feet across her lap. 

“What’s weird, love,” she hummed, taking a sip of her still-steaming tea. She’d been brewing raspberry tea all week partly because of its boost for fertility but also just because she loved the flavor with honey. You sighed, turning through to another page of the binder, your eyes scanning over strange men’s faces and credentials for why you should pick them.

“Flipping through this book just to choose who we’ll use to make our baby,” you scrunched your nose at the wording with a scowl that made Lottie chuckle into her cup. “I wish you could just get me pregnant,” You mused under your breath as you flicked through the binder again, only to look away once more when you heard Lottie hum.

“I’d be lying if I didn’t think about that,” you perked up at the admission, dropping the binder to your stomach as you looked up at her with an arched brow. 

“Oh, have you now?” you mused with a wicked grin. Lottie realized her mistake and refused to look up from her cup, now taking another long sip in an attempt to shield her eyes. The binder was forgotten and slipped onto the coffee table as you moved from you’re lying position. You readjusted, sitting up on your knees beside your wife, the proximity being enough for her to feel your breath fanning over the skin of her neck. Still, she didn't look up, her eyes trained on the cup in her hands as she stirred it with the tiny metal spoon she’d brought with her. 

“Charlotte,” you murmured her full first name in that sing-song tone you so often use. She both loved and hated when you'd do that because, on the one hand, she adored the sound of her voice leaving your lips, but on the other, she knew what game you were playing. You grinned and took the cup out of her hands, moving to the coffee table beside your own because it had become quite offensive the amount of attention it was getting as opposed to you. You could hear Lottie swallow as you moved to straddle your thighs over her lap, arms looping ever naturally around her neck as you tilted your head with an innocent look. 

“Tell me about it,” you mused, batting your eyelashes as she looked up at you as though she’d been caught in your headlights. You ran your fingertips over her forehead, brushing away loose hair that obstructed your view of her, your ever-beautiful wife who’d grown shy at her admission. You knew Lottie had a lot of thoughts when it came to this pregnancy, not all of them being the most innocent.

She rarely ever talked about it, but it had come up long before. Before you were married, even when she had been very drunk one night, her loose lips had let it slip that the thought of her partner carrying a baby, well, specifically your baby, together, was quite exciting, but not only because of the anticipation. She’d felt horrible the next morning, having realized what she’d said, which led you both down a long rabbit hole of conversation to normalize and help her feel better, that thinking that way about your partner was completely normal, and you found the idea quite flattering. 

You knew that given the current conversation buzzing around the house, some of those thoughts and feelings could potentially be found fronting in her mind, though she hadn’t said anything about it till now. And though you now questioned her in a way that made it clear you also found her thought arousing, she held her tongue, keeping her fantasy to herself, much to your disappointment, but you weren't going to push. 

“Well, if you aren't going to tell me, at least help me pick a baby daddy, won’t you?” that phrasing caught her attention now, and you felt her arms snake around your hips, tugging you into her ever so slightly as her eyes found yours with a scrunch in her brow. 

“We aren’t calling him that,” there was a hushed harshness to her insistence that you relished in, biting your lip as you laughed. Without another word, you leaned in and kissed her lips but retreated before any heat could be added. “What was that,” Lottie asked, finally smiling with a curious crook in her brow.

“I like it when you get jealous,” you murmured, pecking at her cheek as you leaned away to reach for the binder again. 

“I wasn’t jealous-” she began to argue as you readjusted yourself over her lap, now letting your legs stretch over the couch as you’re back rested against the arm of the couch. Lottie’s right arm curled around your side while her other hand found its place comfortably over your thigh as you presented her with the binder. 

“Anyways, how do we even choose a doner when we haven't picked an egg yet,” Lottie asked, changing the subject. You pressed your lips in a frown. Neither of you had considered that portion yet. 

“I mean, it doesn’t matter to me. The doctor said we could use either of our eggs,” you recalled. You looked up at your wife to notice a fleeting unsureness in her gaze. “Does that worry you?” you blinked up at her. She faltered as she began to speak, her hand aimlessly starting to rub at your back as she considered her words. 

“I do worry about using my eggs, yes,” she eventually managed. You wanted to urge her to elaborate till it dawned on you. 

“Lot, are you worried about passing your mental illness to the baby?” She didn’t have to answer to verify your suspicion. “Well, we can always use my eggs and find someone similar to you as our donor. That way, it feels more like an even mix, you know?” you brushed your thumb over the apple of her cheek. “Plus, that’ll shrink our pool of candidates and make picking a donor easier,” She seemed relieved by how seamlessly you could solve her worries, though she still had concerns. 

“But I worry it’ll feel more like you’re having a baby,” she murmured, her eyes fleeting from yours once more. You turned her chin with your hand, giving her a scowled look. 

“Lottie. Regardless of who’s carrying or who’s dna is being used, this is our baby. Yours and mine because we’re the ones going through this pregnancy together, and we’ll be the ones raising this child when it’s done, ok?” She sighed, and you could feel her relax under your touch, taking your hand in hers to kiss your fingertips, silently giving you her thanks for understanding. You smiled, letting go of a satisfied breath through your nose before turning back to the binder. 

“Now help me pick a sperm donor so we can get this show on the road,”

[porgthespacepenguin]

For the Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game, I choose 🐝

Great ask, nonny!

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

Ooooh, boy. This could take a few hours. 😄 Alright, so this can in no way, shape or form be an exhaustive list, but ...

@essence-stealer World-class beta, dearest friend, adopted sibling, and all around a truly wonderful person. I'd *never* have completed NEWTS without their support. Fact. You're the best, darling.

@why-its-kai Whenever I feel down about lack of comments or whatever, I go re-read one of Kai's and I immediately feel better. 10/10 would befriend again and again and again if we were stuck in a time-loop.

@predawnite Well, let's just say a certain fic wouldn't be what it is without Dawn. *coughs in KW* Also they have the absolute best freaking prompts, bar none -- an inspiration to us all. And a truly cool person to know, as well. *high-five*

@celestialholz My fandom wife, who somehow still likes me even though she's been straying into BG3 fandom and I have... not. AND WHO MADE ME PLAY POKEMON AND GET TENDONITIS (I wish I was joking). Write Reduction and I might forgive you (joking, joking -- or AM I)

@mrporg My actual, RL, bona fide, patiently long-suffering spouse, who has been putting up with me for a very, very, very long time and now has to endure me on Tumblr too. Talk about supportive. Mwa! <3

Let's not forget:

@dustydahorse (the pinkest and awesomest of little bros)

@lordlexion and @voiid-vagabond (their comments single-handedly kept me posting NEWTS even when I wanted to give up -- fact -- and they're both awesome)

@anzstrek, @ellewood117, Bonesy, and all the others on the Qcard server -- you guys are the best <3

And lastly a wonderfully skilled artist friend of mine who I'm 100% sure will prefer to remain unnamed (but you know who you are!).

Here's a link to the Ask Game if anyone wants to keep playing!

[thetwelfthcrow]

Soooo can we get recs for 443316?👀

but of COURSE you can !!

▴🏎 4433 fic recs: with Charles edition 🏎▴

welcome everyone to this special fic rec list: 443316 - fics where, in whatever order, lewis/max/charles are together. it's a short list, but i hope that serves only as an invite to write these three more. as far as i know these are the only fics in this ot3 ship and they're amaziiiing! i sincerely invite all lestappen, 4433 and 4416 shippers to give these a try. even if you don't like one of these three ships, these two fics are absolutely worth your time - i promise !

AO3 collection with all my Formula One bookmarks general favorite fics in the 4433 ship favorite christmas fics in the 4433 ship favorite omegaverse fics in the 4433 ship

always be sure to check the accurate and updated tags on the fic itself (i only copy a few)! if your fic is on here and you'd like me to link your tumblr then just comment below and i'll add it :)

▴ honey, there is no right way [series] by latebrakers | 11,3k | incomplete secret relationship 4433, charles helps them / pining / getting together

(1) fair weather | G | 3k | complete

The first time, Max asks Charles for a favor. The next time Max could use some help, Charles offers it himself.

(2) fair warning | T | 5k | complete

Charles thought he was being generous, at first, but now he just feels greedy.

(3) fair share | M | 3k | complete

Lewis takes his phone out of his pocket and props it on the porch railing. “Two minutes,” he announces. “Everyone think of a wish.” Charles could not possibly think of just one. Or: Charles books a flight to Colorado.

▴ three [series] by additivity | 20,3k | incomplete secret relationship / relationship reveal friends with benefits

straight-ish | M | 3,6k | complete

There were a lot of photos of Formula 1 drivers on the internet. But none like this.

amateur photography | E | 16,6k | 5/5ch, complete

Lewis really isn't looking for a relationship. Which is why his current arrangement is pretty perfect. What's not so great is trying to explain that to his press officer while F1 twitter self-destructs about it.

▴ behind different doors [series] by kiwialicat | 49,3k | incomplete established fwb lestappen / voyeurism / unresolved feelings

It’s not the size of your motorhome it’s how you use it | E | 6k | complete

Max looks back at him, and then down at the hand that Lewis still has firmly planted on Charles’s knee. Despite Lewis being a little less sharp than usual, it’s definitely not lost on him. “Jealous, Maxy?” Lewis doesn't want to waste this champagne, post Silverstone 2020 round one. He goes to find someone to celebrate with and gets a little more celebration than he'd hoped for.

Let’s feel this and think later | E | 31k | 6/6ch, complete

Lewis is pretty sure when it comes to Max and Charles there are strings, of one form or another, but he can’t deny there’s also a pretty incredible pay-off attached to those strings. It's the second week of the British GP double header, and it's a bit more memorable than usual for Lewis with a new version of Max and Charles in his life.

Room for three | E | 11k | complete

“So…” Lewis breathes deeply, “this offer…” he watches his hands open and close in front of him, “is this just a one-time thing? Tonight only?” Lewis has Max and Charles over for dinner. Some eating, some talking and some other stuff ensues.

▴ He Hit Me (It Felt Like A Kiss) by m00nlightE | 18,8k | 2/5ch, incomplete omegaverse / alpha max, alpha lewis, omega charles / emotional manipulation

It was something they’d often discussed at the beginning of the relationship: the potential that one day, sometime in the future, the three of them could end up fighting for a championship title against one another. So when the start of the 2021 season came around and it looked like Red Bull might be bringing the competition to Mercedes at last, Charles couldn’t help but feel the battle between his partners was inevitable. He just never expected to get so caught in the middle of it all. OR: Charles, Max and Lewis, and how their relationship turned toxic over the course of the 2021 season.

------------------

askbox always open for your favourite 4433(16) fics! i love to know what you love to read. this list is not complete (nor will it ever be), but it turned out all 443316 fics are amazing so these are the only fics in the tag rn. this IS AN INVITE to everyone reading all the way to here to write 443316 heheh! enjoy reading!

[thatonebirdwrites]

Fandom creators tag game

1. What sort of content do you create, and what is the thing you’ve made that you’re most proud of?

I write stories. Usually original science fiction, but in the past two years, I've branched into fanfiction. I also create art and music.

I'm damn proud of my rewrite of Book 2 of Legend of Korra in my Shared Moments series.

I wish I could find a publisher for my original fiction; then I could share what I'm most proud of but alas. The publishing market is incredibly hard to get into and I don't have the health to self-publish, so we'll go with the Korrasami tales for now. For art, I'm damn proud of this piece I did of Lena.

2. What fandom(s) do you create for?

Korrasami from Legend of Korra.

Supercorp from CW's Supergirl

Rojarias from CW's Supergirl.

3. What is your current favourite ship (or brotp if you prefer), and how controversial is it?

Korrasami. Not controversial much at all. (As a side note, Supercorp feels like an angstier Korrasami. Might be why I like that ship equally well. Supercorp doesn't seem controversial?)

4. For your answer to question 3, are they canon?

Yes, Korrasami is canon. (Supercorp isn't necessarily canon, but there's so much evidence of it in the show that it might as well be.)

5. What was your first fandom, and how old were you?

First fandom I created something for? Or first fandom where I dived into and read everything I could? Because if it's read everything I could, then it's Star Wars before Disney threw out the old Canon (still salty about that). I'd have been pretty young -- still a kid when I was devouring all the Star Wars books. I didn't have any favorite ship though while I did this.

For something I created, Korrasami was the first one I wanted to create art and writing for to be honest. That was three years ago when I started writing Korrasami.

6. What is your most unhinged fandom creation to date?

Oh, that's a Supercorp one. I was inspired by a weird camera glitch, and wrote an unhinged horror set after season 6. The first part of it is in tumblr. I have yet to publish to AO3 mostly because I want to finish more of it before I do. Sort of loosely based on Lovecraft's Color out of Space.

7. Do you remember what started you off creating fandom content, and if so, what was it?

Three years ago I first started drawing and writing Korrasami. Then I branched out into Supercorp.

8. Do you let people you know in real life see your fandom creations?

Only my trusted friends and siblings.

9. How do you feel about fanworks of fanworks? Has anyone ever made something based on a thing you made?

If anyone did, they have never shared it with me. I would love to see it, and I'd treasure it always!

Though if I'm being honest. I doubt I'll ever get fanworks. Why would anyone go to that much trouble for something I wrote? I doubt anything I write is worth that much.

10. What feeling do you most often try to evoke with your creations?

I want to show possible healing journeys that aren't the most painful angstfest known to humanity. I want people to feel the journey too, to capture the world within the character's senses so that their tale feels real.

Whether I achieve this, I have no idea. Some people have written very kind comments stating that I have, and I am delighted by those comments.

11. Has someone ever paid your work a compliment (in any form) that has stuck with you, and what was it?

Two people have said I made a place feel alive through the storytelling and worldbuilding I did. That compliment haunts me in all the best ways, and I have done my best to try to keep that tradition going.

12. What’s your favourite thing someone else has made that you’ve seen in the last 24 hours (and link it if you can find it again!)

It was a Supercorp art piece, but after searching, I can't seem to find it again. It was Lena leaning backwards into Kara's arms, while Kara gently holds her. Colored piece, digitally drawn I think. They look almost like they were swaying back and forth.

13. Give a small sneak preview of something you’re working on right now (eg a couple of sentences of fic from a WIP, a gif set theme, a small piece of a larger picture, whatever you feel happy to share)

Korrasami:

Korra looked at their entangled hands. “Yeah, yeah, it’s just some stitching.”

“And yet, that ‘some stitching’ made something wonderful.” Asami was determined to remind Korra of what she could do. It’d been her mantra for the past six months. She wanted Korra to regain her confidence, but it'd been difficult. Thanks to Asami's foolishness they'd both backslid.

Korra had called it Asami’s paranoia.

Maybe they were both right.

Supercorp:

Lena rises before dawn, prepares her corporate armor, and heads to her full-time job as CEO of L-Corp. Today’s agenda includes four meetings, one of them with the board, an hour of lab time, a brief lunch, and a visit to Florence in late afternoon.

It’s the visit with Florence that troubles her the most. The exposure to the strange artifact gave her unsettling dreams, and she woke in a cold sweat after a particularly gruesome one. In that one, she’d had no control over her body, only watched in horror as another person used her abilities to harm all she loved.

Kara had woken too, and her gentle reassurances had helped Lena fall back asleep, this time with no dreams.

Diving into work to escape the nightmares is how she copes. Perhaps not the healthiest, but undoing all her bad coping mechanisms will take far longer than just admitting they exist.

Rojarias:

Tomorrow morning? Sam reeled from the news. That gave her very little time to pack and prepare Ruby for Sam being gone a week or two.

Yet here she was again, unable to say no. Especially not when two beautiful women were looking at her expectantly.

Damn, Sam was too gay for this. “All right. Tomorrow it is.”

14. Have you ever seen/read anything made by the person who tagged you? If so, what was it and what was your favourite thing about it? (pick a favourite if there are several)

Yes, I have. I'm not entirely sure what exactly they published on AO3 however. I found the tiny Kara piece absolutely hilarious.

15. Do you leave comments on fandom works, and if so how would you describe your comment style?

I do leave comments, yes. I share my enjoyment of the piece, sections that really stood out to me, and/or an overall feeling I got from the piece. I'm trying to be more consistent about it since I know how much comments mean to me as a writer, and I know other writers enjoy them too!

16. How many works in progress do you currently have? Will you finish them all?

Original fiction: (on hiatus but I do plan on finishing) 3

Korrasami: 2 (plan on finishing them, yes).

Supercorp: 3 (yes, plan on finishing them.)

Rojarias: 1 (yes, I need to get on this as it's due next month actually).

Art for Supercorp: 1 (I also need to work on finishing this before the due date next month. I got the rough sketch and need to run it by the author to make sure it's what they want, before I go to town inking it).

17. what’s the longest it’s ever taken you to finish a fandom project?

Shared Moments: Books 1 through 3 (the finished ones) took me a year. A million words no less. Whew. I'm working on Book 3.5 now. I tend toward longer works, which takes a few months to complete.

My shorter fiction (the ficlets) take less than an hour usually.

For art, it takes me one to three weeks.

18. Describe the thing you made most recently in a way that is technically true, but also completely misleading. Link the thing if it’s published!

These paralleled kisses shake their world. (A chapter for Unraveling Realities)

19. Do you ever engage with fanworks for a fandom you’re not in? Which one(s) and how did you get into it?

I'm not really sure what counts as being "in" a fandom or not. If I enjoy something, I'll engage with it, but does the engagement mean I'm "in" the fandom now? Or do I have to create something and talk with others in the fandom to be considered "in?" How does this work?

20. Recommend a fan work from your fandom to your followers

I absolutely adore Make this your home by pcrtifacts so much I even made fanart for it. It's not finished, but it's regularly updated and so, so good.

Suggested tag list, but there are no rules here, follow your heart.

A mutual you have never actually spoken to but think seems cool -- All my mutuals are really cool! And I'd love to read more of their stuff. Thanks all of you for sharing your stuff!!

The most recent person whose content you engaged with (eg read a fic, reblogged art, whatever form you feel best fits) -- I'm not sure? Maybe the person I reblogged this from?

Someone whose content you saw via tags/reblogs and you followed them because of it @luthordamnvers (I honestly love the indepth knowledge of the show nic has, how willing to share that knowledge, nic's kindness, the fics they write. Honestly, all around wonderful person.)

Someone in your fandom that you think makes cool things @ekingston (Shape of Soup being my favorite plus the art is amazing.)

Someone in a different fandom that you think makes cool things (this is hard. I really only seem to follow or find Korrasami, Supercorp, and on rarer occasions Rojarias or Dansen. There's some Star Wars folks that do fun things, but I can't remember their usernames tho.)

Someone you always tag on things like this @nottawriter

Someone you have never tagged before (I can't remember who I tagged before, so I guess whoever wants to play this game?)

Someone you would like to get to know better @pcrtifacts (love, love their make this place your home fic. And chatting in comments with pcrtifacts has been lovely.)

Someone who makes art you like -- @snazzy-korra (honestly, she's an all around amazing person, and Iove all her art and chatting with her. So grateful for our chats too.)

Someone who writes fics you like: @fazedlight (I seriously love everything mel writes. It's all so damn good. I even wrote a fanfic continuation of a piece I really liked of mel's ficlets. First and only time I've ever done that.)

I suspect some of these people have been tagged multiple times. My apologies if so. But I did want y'all to know how you're appreciated and how much I enjoy your content too. :)

[foxymoxynoona]

Tell Me What Changed (Part 11 A)

Banner and lines by the talented @awrkive

Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.

Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC

CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else I'm making it up as we go

Read on AO3 here or below cut

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Read Epilogue

Note: I did it again, the chapter is too long for tumblr so I have to split it into three parts. Make sure you read A first!!!

Jungkook wasn’t nervous for his date with Alex. Why would he be nervous? It was Alex. He knew everything Alex liked. He knew how to have a good time with her. He knew how to make her laugh until she’d yell she was going to pee herself and go waddling to the bathroom while he shouted things after her to try and make it happen. He knew what food she liked and how long she could tolerate standing in line for an attraction and that she didn’t mind the cold but she didn’t like to get wet in the rain because she didn’t like her hair and clothes sticking to her skin. 

Once he had wanted to test that, run naked through the rain with her. She had of course refused and punched him in the stomach for the suggestion. He wondered if now he had a better chance of convincing her… for science, obviously! Did she still mind the rain if her hair was in a bun and she was totally naked in it? What if he was on top of her, blocking some of it?

But in all seriousness, he might not really date other than an occasional activity preceding a good fuck but if he was ever going to go on a date, Alex was the easiest partner for it. They could have fun –and had!-- anywhere: the grocery store, a furniture store, CVS to get their flu shots, McDonald’s at 2am, urgent care that time his ears were stopped up so badly and his fever was so high he started to cry and she forced him to go and kept referring to him as “my son” to the nurses and he couldn’t stop laughing despite the pain. 

So yeah, why would he be nervous about a date? He had no doubts about success. He was going to take her to minigolf, school her ass, then tacos from the best truck in town which he had confirmed would be at Hoff Memorial Park;  they’d eat sitting in the cold on a picnic bench and then he’d take her home to his bed before the rain started around nine and he’d, you know. Spaghetti her. He’d put a lot of thought into what positions he’d use too. A lot. Needed to be sure he’d maximize her pleasure and not bend or twist her in a way that hurt her. Stroke her just right. He wanted to win a scream! Leave her a trembling melted mess in his arms. Ah, it’d be so good… she’d be all fuck, Koo, I finally get it now, you’re really fucking good at this. Make her eat her words alongside his dick, that thing she’d always said with a laugh, damn, if the insta-girls could see the real you they’d be heartbroken.

He needed to show her what’s good.

He had a plan.

And then the comments started.

Nate: “Oh damn, you actually have a date with her? Wasn’t that last guy really good at dates? Good luck, my man.”

Namjoon: “Oh. That’s the date you planned? Isn’t that just… what you guys normally do?”

Taehyung: “Yeah this is the time, you can really show her that you’re serious and mature and want to do this, so like, whole nine yards, something big and– oh. Minigolf? Um…”

Sabina: “Don’t take her to minigolf. She deserves more than minigolf.”

Anita: “Hm, I think minigolf just seems a little easy and impersonal. But you know her best! If you think that’s the kind of date she likes, then…”

Jimin: “You messaged me on my honeymoon for this? It’s fine, Alex will think it’s funny.”

Fuck. Fuck! As Jungkook paced his apartment the afternoon before the date, he realized his plan was no good. He didn’t want Alex to think their date was funny. He wanted her to think it was romantic. He wanted her to be awed by his charm and suaveness… suavity…. State of being suave. He wanted her to be swept off her feet. He wanted her to forget Hobi was ever a guy she dated and it sucked because Nate was right, Hobi was good at dates. He showed up and showed out and Alex was always all flustered and bubbly after their dates. Jungkook wanted Alex to be like that afterwards. Not just like “yep that was an ok time hanging out with my good buddy JK.” He wanted blushes and giggles and then bam, spaghetti!

This called for a fucking re-plan. And fast. 

He showered so he’d smell fresh and lotioned and not like the mall, slapping on cologne and spot-fixing his acne in between looking things up on his laptop perched precariously on the bathroom counter. A few google searches and phone calls later and he’d completely redone their plans for the night, pulling out all the stops. Was it going to hurt his bank account? Yes. Was she worth it? Also yes.

Much more at ease about the whole thing, Jungkook took one more look at himself in the mirror, snapped a selfie, and posted it to his socials for the pep talk he needed.

[TheJK.1997]: look good feel good treat her good, ready for the surf and turf. Best wine recs for Hollyoak Vineyard go

He checked himself one last time, ran over a spot he missed shaving real quick, and was out the door in plenty of time to pick her up early, just to really surprise her. Definitely not because he was getting a stomachache from nerves and needed to do something other than pace from living room to kitchen and pick at his lips.

She wasn’t ready. There he was with a fucking bouquet of flowers even though it made him feel like a fucking idiot because Hoseok gave her flowers so it would look like he was copying but obviously he couldn’t not show up with flowers –there he was with a fucking bouquet of flowers, sitting in a living room he’d been in at least one thousand times since he’d known Alex, while her dad sat in the chair and watched a Planet Earth documentary and her mom made tea in the kitchen even though he had assured her he didn’t want any. They had said hello to him and not much else, both like this was any other time that he’d come over and also like it wasn’t and they weren’t supposed to acknowledge his presence as he just sat there on the couch in slacks and a button up with fucking flowers to give their fucking daughter who was fucking late. It was mortifying. Jungkook wished he could melt into the cracks between the couch cushions. He wished Dilong would come running out and scratch his throat or piss on him or something so he had an excuse to just leave.

“How’s work?” Baba Song asked him over the sound of flamingos feeding.

“It’s good. Busy at the holidays.”

“How is your dad’s– ah, I will just ask him, I’ll see him tomorrow.”

Jungkook nodded. He wasn’t actually sure what about his father was unwell right now, so he should ask. He pulled out his phone and saw they were going to have to hurry to make their dinner reservation. 

“AHh I had better check on her–” Jungkook mumbled, starting to stand. Mama Song was just setting tea in front of him and took it upon herself to shout for Alex followed by Chinese. Alex answered in short Chinese, then came down the hall.

“I’m ready, ok? What’s the rush? I was doing my makeup– oh?” She stopped in front of him and her eyes went right to the flowers. “You brought me flowers?”

Jungkook was instantly mortified. She was probably comparing them to the ones Hoseok had bought her.

“They’re for your mom,” he quickly corrected, thrusting them towards Mama Song. 

Who let out a cackle of a laugh and said, “I will put them in water for Alex. I have a perfect vase. They are beautiful.”

“Wait, I want to see them,” Alex cried, leaping after her mother. She bent down to look close and Jungkook felt like she might as well be examining his limp dick, he was so embarrassed. They were supposed to be nice. He’d bought really nice ones at the standalone shop next to the Starbucks –not the one she worked at, not the one Hoseok worked at, a different one! He didn’t know what kinds of flowers they were but there was lots of color and some spiky looking ones because they looked fun and he thought spiky flowers made sense for her. 

“They’re really pretty,” she said.

“You’re really pretty,” he countered automatically, an old way they had of teasing each other except this time he’d accidentally been nice. Baba Song coughed on the couch and Jungkook thought it had to be related. Cool, he already felt like he was dying anyway as Alex grinned wide and looked him up and down and he was sure she was laughing at him. Baba Song laughing at him too was exactly what he didn’t need.

“You look like you’re going on a date,” Alex mused.

“Uh…” The panic was instant. “Aren’t I?”

“Koopa,” she laughed and hit him on the arm. “You’d better be! Let’s go, weren’t you in a rush a minute ago? You know it takes time to do my makeup without you to help.”

“It looks good,” he said, though the points weren’t quite even which he only noticed because sometimes it took her ten tries before she’d give up and ask him to do it. He started to offer to fix it now but she was already headed towards the door and it didn’t matter. 

“Goodbye Mr. Song. Mrs. Song,” he called. Should he promise to have her home at a certain time? Even addressing them that way felt weird but like, he was taking their daughter out on a date, he had to seem sort of respectful and responsible, right? “Thank you for the tea!” He hadn’t even touched it.

Alex’s skirt was very short, he noticed as they went to his car. She had fancy green tights on underneath it so he couldn’t see skin or anything but it did occur to him that if she bent over, he might not even need to hike it up. Not that he was just thinking about fucking! It really felt more like a nervous impulse to think about it, because he was way more nervous about the not-fucking parts right now as he hurried around and slid into the driver’s seat. He wasn’t even trying to fuck her tonight! He just wanted to hit it out of the park, this whole “date with the goal of earning another date” thing.

“So where are we going?” she asked as he started the car. It was cold and he wished he had thought to run out and start it early so she wouldn’t have to sit in it; she was wearing a new coat, not her usual bulky one that made her look like a burnt marshmallow. You know, in a cute way!

“Um… you know that steakhouse over on–”

“Steakhouse,” she repeated, eyes going wide. “You can’t afford steak!”

“You don’t know what I can’t afford. I’m taking you to a steakhouse!”

“Ok ok geez.” She wiggled in her seat to get comfortable. “I figured you’d just take me for tacos or something. Steak is fine.”

He scoffed, “Come on. I’m a better date than that.”

“All right James Bond or whatever…” she mumbled. “Didn’t know you had something you were trying to prove or whatever.”

“Yeah well…” He didn’t know what to say to that. Yeah, of course he had something to prove. “Is it warm enough for you?” He made it warmer, just in case, even though he was starting to sweat. 

They lapsed into silence. The roads were icy so he didn’t want to be too distracted but it made him nervous for her to just be sitting there staring out the window. Silence was bad on a date, that was something everyone knew. Silence was definitely not going to leave her starry-eyed and weak in the knees.

“So uh, how’s work?”

“Ugh, next question,” she snorted, and reached for the radio dial.

“No, don’t turn music on. Let’s just… talk.”

“O…k….”

He started talking just to fill the silence. He told her about his own work, and about Appa thinking he wanted to do Christmas lights and throwing one lit net over a bush and calling it a day, and about his new nephew who was still pretty useless but starting to look cuter now. He realized they had seen each other a few days ago so these life updates weren’t necessary but he wanted some sort of connection.

“Uh… well, there’s not much going on with me… well, Hobi brought a box of my stuff to work today, so that kind of sucked–”

“He brought it to your work?!”

“Well he waited in the parking lot but yeah… I mean we agreed to do that today but still that sucked in the morning and then I got home and Dilong puked on my bed and I stubbed my toe while I was getting ready… but you brought me flowers, so that’s the best part of my day so far,” she smiled. 

“They were for your mom…”

“Oh yeah? For Mrs. Song?” she teased. 

But he didn’t feel like being teased because this was a date and they were supposed to be getting to know each other and charming each other, so instead he suggested, “Ok let’s not talk about Hobi or uh, other exes or anything tonight.”

“Um… ok… Geez, sensitive much?’

“It’s my date with you.”

“You just asked me how my day was and I told you.”

“Ok so now I know and I’m just saying we can talk about other things now.”

“Ok like what?”

“Um…” Jungkook wracked his brain, but everything that came to mind wasn’t the kind of thing he wanted to talk about on their first date. Funny but inappropriate memes, friend gossip, political outrage, bemoaning the economy, a really bloody anime he’d started and thought she might like too, none of it was the way he wanted to represent himself right now as a respectable and respectful guy. Boyfriend material.

“We’re here,” he announced. Saved by the drive time. He pulled into a spot near the water’s edge –just a pond, but definitely something the steakhouse capitalized on for atmosphere. Fairy lights hung above the walkway through a little windy garden to reach the front of the restaurant.

“Woah, this place is nice,” Alex murmured, bumping into him as she looked around. “Are you sure about this? It’s really fancy… I didn’t dress for something this fancy…”

“I’m sure.” He took her hand and looped it through his arm. “You deserve something like this. It’s our first date. Right?” He looked eagerly down at her, needing to hear her agree that it was in fact their first date and that was in fact a big deal to her too.

“I guess but you really didn’t have to go to so much trouble. You know me, I’m easy–”

“I don’t know you. This is our chance to get to know each other,” he corrected. “As –you know, this new way of seeing each other.” As romantic partners, he couldn’t bring himself to say.

He thought her smile looked unconvinced but at least she was smiling. They reached the front door –and now he saw a side ramp they could have taken right to the front door instead of wandering through the garden. Uh well. He opened the door for her and they walked in to easily the nicest restaurant Jungkook had ever been to in his life. The host was wearing a tux. 

Shit this place was going to be expensive.

“Good evening,” the host greeted them as Jungkook shirked his coat off.

“Hi. Um, Jungkook Jeon, table for two. I have reservations for 6:00.” 

“Ah, yes, Jeon, hm…” The host didn’t move as his gaze trailed down Jungkook and then slid to Alex. “My apologies, Mr. Jeon, but were you aware that there is a dress code for dining here?”

Jungkook glanced down at his slacks and dark blue button up and nodded, “Yeah. We dressed nicely.” He glanced at Alex and realized he hadn’t told her to dress nicely but yeah, she looked great: short red skirt, dark green legs, a fluffy white sweater with… pearls? Had she really worn a sweater with pearls all across the chest to their date– ok, but she hadn’t meant anything filthy by it, he was sure of that. Just because his mind went there didn’t mean hers did.

“I’m sorry, the dress code is formal. That means at least a tie and jacket for the gentleman and formal evening dress or pantsuit for the lady.” 

“Uh…” Jungkook glanced at their outfits again. “Well this is what we have on so…”

The host looked performatively apologetic as he said, “I’m sorry, I cannot seat you.”

“But… but I made a reservation,” Jungkook argued. “No one’s going to die because I’m not wearing a jacket.”

“Neither of you is dressed appropriately for the restaurant, I’m afraid–”

It was embarrassing, sure, but he also didn’t want Alex to hear someone insinuate she wasn’t dressed nicely, so he ignored that she was grabbing his arm and argued, “Ok but she looks like a million bucks so I don’t– you just need me to put on a jacket and a tie–”

“Jungkook, let’s just go,” she said, trying to push him back towards the door.

“But I made reservations. This isn’t the ‘50s. No one under 50 has a jacket and tie for dinner at a shitty suburban steakhouse on the swamp–”

“Koo, let’s go,” she grunted, and managed to push him back against the door. He pushed it and stepped back out into the cold and felt the anger flare up freely now.

“What the fuck kind of place– am I crazy? Who fucking cares whether I have a jacket and a tie on for–”

“Well they care, it’s their rule!”

“It’s discrimination against young people!”

“Yeah, did you see the people eating in the restaurant?” she laughed. “I don’t think they want young people eating there. They want like rich uppercrust people.”

“Those people don’t live here.”

“Well this place is kind of famous, isn’t it? Maybe they drive in…”

“Is it?”

“I think it was on a TV show,” Alex admitted, before pointing to a plaque beside the door. Apparently it had, and won a bunch of awards. No wonder they cared about the way they looked or whatever.

“Yeah well showing all that by the door is tacky,” Jungkook scowled. Waves of anger and embarrassment rolled over him. “My money is as good as the next guy’s.”

“Ok but who cares, we don’t have to eat at a place like this. Let’s just pick somewhere else,” Alex said, nudging him towards the ramp.

Ugh, Hoseok would definitely have worn the suit and tie.

“Maybe we can just run back to my place and I can grab the suit I wore to the wedding–”

“No, I’m not dressed like that either and I don’t want to change. I spent way longer than I want to admit figuring out what to wear that would be cute and comfy,” she protested.

“But I want to take you to this nice place–”

“I don’t care about the nice place!” she snapped. He really did think she snapped at him, and it shut him up. They marched in silence down the ramp back towards his car. They got into the car. They buckled their seatbelts.

Bad start to the date.

“We can go to Taco Bell for all I care,” Alex suggested.

“That’s a shitty date,” Jungkook sulked. “That’s the kind of date you think I am?”

“There’s nothing wrong with Taco Bell…”

“I’m not taking you to fucking Taco Bell,” he groaned and pulled out his phone and began scrolling again. What was close, and nice, and not a fucking Taco Bell, and not going to turn them away at the door because they weren’t dressed in some shitty elitist outdated formal dining attire. Fuck, he was so angry about it! Even if that was a rule, they couldn’t bend it? They couldn’t seat them somewhere private or something? He was trying to impress a girl here!

“We could do Italian… is that too much wine though? We’re going to a wine tasting afterwards.”

“A wine tasting?” Alex repeated. “Um…”

“You don’t like a wine tasting?”

“No no it’s fine!” Alex assured him. “That’s cute. You really… yeah, it’ll be great,” she smiled at him. “And sure, Italian is fine! Let’s do Italian. What place are you thinking?”

“Tomasso Trattoria and Enoteca,” Jungkook read, and handed her the phone as he started to drive so she could look at it.

“Woah… this place is still really nice though… I was thinking like Olive Garden–”

“Alex, can you please let me take this date seriously? I realize maybe you don’t care but–”

“I care! Care about this being our date? I care!”

“I want it to be a special date!”

“I get it! This place looks very special,” she told him, setting his phone in the cradle with the GPS up. 

He knew his frustration was a wall between them but she didn’t break it down this time. Usually she was good at that. He didn’t know what it meant, that she didn’t try. He wasn’t sure how to do it on his own, because if this was a date with someone else he wouldn’t care, he’d just change the subject and move on and vent about it to Alex later, or invent an excuse to take the girl home and go home. To Alex. Obviously she knew how he was, inside and out, but as he drove in the silence he started to feel a deeper embarrassment, like she’d seen him do something wrong. It wasn’t wrong for him to be annoyed with the restaurant for not letting them in! They had told him formal dress when he made the reservation sure but they didn’t explain that meant anything other than just looking your best! He looked his best! Alex looked her best! What, were they going to wear their wedding clothes or something?

“You know I was thinking about how crazy it is that just everything is Christmas this time of year,” Alex mused. “It’s not like I didn’t know everything is too Christmas and that there are lots of people who doesn’t celebrate who have to deal with it but I guess because we celebrate without being Christian, I didn’t really think about how fucking annoying it is for people who really don’t celebrate. Rebekah was telling me people always act like they’re sorry for her…” She continued to talk about it and he took the moment to breathe deeply. Ok. Change in plans. But Alex wasn’t demanding he take her home, so it would be ok. Even if he didn’t know why the fuck this was what she decided to ramble about, at least it was something.

The Italian place was busier, smaller, not on the water, but still nice and they didn’t get turned away at the door. The host took their coats for them. The tables had real candles, which Jungkook didn’t realize he cared about until they sat down and he saw the actual flicker from the breeze of their motions. The menus were short, which a Reddit thread had taught him meant it was a sign of a good restaurant. Their waiter had a bowtie and a black vest and offered to call over a sommelier to guide their wine selection.

“We’re going to a wine tasting after this,” Alex informed the waiter. “So I’ll wait on the wine.”

“We can have a glass or something here,” Jungkook argued.

Alex shook her head and tapped the wine menu, maybe trying to show him that the cheapest wine was $15/glass at a glance. But he had brought her to an Italian restaurant! For a fancy dinner! Wine was part of a fancy dinner!

“You don’t have to, but I’ll have a glass of something, send the sommelier over,” Jungkook insisted. 

Alex decided she’d have the glass too. They had to show their cards and mused as they always did about how old they would have to be before the stopped getting carded. The waiter brought them bread and promised their calamari appetizer would be out quickly.

“Wow, it’s so romantic here,” Alex murmured. Jungkook felt the sigh of relief radiate from his chest. The candle light danced across her skin as she studied the elaborate murals on the walls, partially obscured by heavy red curtains. Elegant music played over the low din of dining. They were towards the edge of a large room, tucked into a little booth by the window with a view of nothing but trees. A grand piano stood in the center of what looked like a dance floor, tables sparse on the wooden floor.

“I feel bad,” she continued. “I didn’t realize you wanted to do such fancy things, I would have dressed nicer.”

“I think you dressed nice.”

“I did too until I saw you,” she laughed. “I guess I forgot…”

“Forgot what?” he asked, not following.

“What you look like.”

“Whaaaat?” he grinned, warmed by the flattery. The compliments from her felt sincere in a way they hadn’t before. He was used to teasing, so he almost didn’t trust it, but she didn’t look like she was teasing him. Now he found himself hungry for more. Did she really think he was hot? Not just aware that other people thought so, but she thought so? She liked the way he looked? She liked the way he dressed?

“Oh my god,” she snickered and rolled her eyes. “Do you always take your ego on dates with you?”

“No, I left it at home tonight with my jacket and tie,” he joked. She smiled and looked so pretty in the candlelight. He draped his hand across the table, palm down, to see if she’d take the hint and put hers on it. Would they be the kind of couple that held hands at dinner? Obviously not on a first date, but someday would they sit on the same side of the booth? Well, in a more serious way than when they did that at Wendy’s so they could both put their feet up on the other bench, that was different.

“The mood lighting is so… romantic,” she said again. “I feel like I should have worn high heels.”

“Your boots have heels.”

“Yeah but you know what I mean…’

“Do you want to dance until our food gets here?” The question was impulsive. No one else was dancing. But that could mean she wouldn’t have to feel nervous or pressured about dancing on beat with him. They could just hold onto each other and sway, here by the table or over on the dance floor. Maybe other people could join. He had enjoyed dancing with her so much, it would be a nice thing to add tonight.

But her eyes went wide as she cried, “Hey, don’t make fun of me!”

“What–”

“Oh god, don’t joke about it,” she laughed and covered her face. “How fucking humiliating…”

Jungkook hadn’t meant it as a joke. He thought it would be romantic. He certainly hadn’t meant to embarrass her just by the suggestion of dancing together. Unsure what else to say, he racked his brain trying to think of topics. The problem was that the lists of things to talk about on your first date were things like ask about where they grew up and ask about their hobbies and ask them what makes them unique? And ask them where their favorite place in the world is. But Jungkook knew all of these things about her! He wanted to learn something new about her. He wanted to seem new to her.

“Uh… what’s your favorite place in the world?” he asked as she untangled the little legs of their calamari appetizer.

“Mine? I don’t know… my parents’ house? I guess it was our old apartment.”

“Oh. Really?” he frowned.

“Why are you frowning?!”

“That’s just kind of sad.”

“Ok. Ouch.”

“No! I mean because we don’t live there anymore.”

“Oh. Yeah. How annoying,” she sighed. “So what’s Namjoon like as a roommate?”

“He’s a good roommate,” Jungkook said because he didn’t want to gossip or vent or seem complainy. Namjoon was a good roommate! Sure, he had a household aesthetic and a lot of Jungkook’s stuff didn’t meet the mark so he was kind of crowded into his room. 

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say? Come on, you complained about living with me all the time.”

“Ah, yeah, sorry about that…”

“Huh?”

Embarrassed that she’d bring that up, he sipped his $15/glass wine. Yeah, he was worried about that. Alex was his best friend and he’d always treated her like a best friend but that wasn’t the same way you wanted to treat a girlfriend. He had a lot of things to undo. Actually, that was it, their first date wasn’t about learning, it was about unlearning all the things he would never have let a girl see about him. 

“You’re being so weird,” she laughed, and nudged his foot under the table. “Is something wrong?”

“Hm? No, why would something be wrong?”

“Don’t let that other place bother you. I like this place a lot better anyway, this calamari is really good! I hope you still like me when I’m bloated from too much fettuccine…”

Instantly he assured her, “Of course I do. I mean, not that you’ll be bloaty or– I mean, obviously the body naturally looks different after a big dinner but it’s not– I won’t notice that kind of– it’s just normal…”

“It was a joke,” she said. “I’m wearing a bulky sweater, you won’t be able to tell anyway. Unless you get me naked.” She arched her eyebrow. 

“We, um– tonight it’s um… were you thinking that? I thought we’d just have a nice date–”

“Oh. That’s not… nice? OK, I mean I’m half joking, I didn’t realize you had such a tight schedule for tonight!”

Jungkook had never felt so awkward and weird around Alex in his life. The only thing he knew to do was try and get the conversation back on track to Impressive Date Approved topics:

“Hey, so I was watching a really interesting show the other day. It was about the brain and all the changes it goes through from like a baby to a dead person– an old person.”

“The brain does very much still change after you die,” she pointed out. Yeah, dead people and rotting brains was definitely not on the approved list. No girl went home from a date and was like oh boy he was so handsome and charming and funny and we talked about decaying brains. I’m so in love.

She had not said that to him yet. That she loved him. There hadn’t been any real confession or labeling and he was obviously fine with that, he didn’t need labels, but still, it would be cool to get her to say something he could be sure of.

“No, don’t be like that, it was really cool to see– oh thank Christ the food is here.”

“You in a hurry or something?” she laughed. Which reminded him that they did have a scheduled start time for the wine tasting. He checked his phone as the waiter set their food down. 

“Our wine tasting is at 7:30.”

“What?! Then yeah we don’t have much time!”

“Yeah.” Hm, he hadn’t really done the math right– or well he had when he’d made reservations for six at the other place, he just hadn’t counted on needing to change restaurants. Actually they have very little time. “Uh, well, ok, let’s eat fast then…” Eating fast was not romantic. “Or we can miss it. It’s fine.”

But she waved her hand, already twirling pasta around her fork, “No way, we’ll make it. You worked so hard planning all of this! I can eat fast. Damn this is good pasta…. You want to try this?”

He did, but he already envisioned the noodles swinging down and getting on his dark shirt. And then she’d want to try his, which was spaghetti and meatballs (it was one of the cheapest things on the menu, ok?!) and he’d drop one and it would bounce onto her white sweater. It wasn’t worth the risk.

“Nah, we can just eat our own food,” he assured her. 

And promptly knocked his glass of wine to the ground, shattering it.

**

Alex had never seen Jungkook acting so weird in her life. He swung back and forth between distracted and too intense. One moment she’d think he was bored and the next he’d ignore whatever she just said and start telling her a play by play of some brain documentary he watched! He was clearly pissed about the first restaurant turning them away but then didn’t seem to care about the next place even though it was really nice; they had to leave so quickly to get to the wine tasting that they didn’t even get dessert. 

He wasn’t acting like himself at all. Honestly, she felt like another day he might have still been able to sweet talk them into that first restaurant –though she was glad he hadn’t because she wasn’t really comfortable in a place like that anyway. It was bad enough being at the Italian restaurant where Jungkook insisted on paying and the waiter gave her a menu without prices so she didn’t even know how much damage she was doing to Jungkook’s bank account. He didn’t want to talk about any of the things they normally talked about. He didn’t respond to any of her jokes. 

She couldn’t figure it out. Did he just not want to be here? But that didn’t make sense, because if he didn’t want to be here, he wouldn’t be! Jungkook had no problem peacing out of a situation he didn’t want to be in. He’d bailed on her plenty of times, that wasn’t hard for him.

They rushed across town to get to Hollyoak Vineyards for this wine tasting Jungkook had booked them for –and she was confused, because they couldn’t do a vineyard tour in the cold and dark or anything– and made it just in the nick of time. He kept saying over and over that it was fine if they missed it, which seemed to mean it wasn’t fine. 

And then, checking in, winded by the sprint from the car, Alex made a terrible discovery: she had left her wallet and ID at the Italian restaurant. Which might have been fine if Jungkook wasn’t with her, because often she didn’t get carded on her own. But Jungkook made her look younger with that charming babyface of his. The woman asked to see their IDs before they could join the tour and tasting.

“I left it at the restaurant,” she admitted quietly, turning to Jungkook.

For a moment he just looked at her.

“You don’t have your ID?��

“It’s at the restaurant.”

“Uh…”

He froze. He looked between her and the employee and Alex knew that look: somebody fix this for me because I don’t know what to do now. Usually she didn’t see that look unless he was drunk or in emotional crisis. Neither was true now, except that he still wasn’t saying anything.

“Is there another tasting tonight?” Alex asked the employee.

“No, I’m sorry. I can reschedule you for another day?”

“Could he start the tasting now and I’ll go and come back–”

“No, you’ll miss the whole thing,” Jungkook said, reanimated. He pulled his ID off the counter and tucked it back into his wallet. “Ok, we’ll go. Thanks anyway.”

“I’m sorry, I guess it fell out of my purse under the table,” she explained as they left the place. He didn’t say anything. She couldn’t tell if he was pissed or disappointed, but she felt bad either way. “I’m really sorry, Jungkook.”

“It’s fine. It doesn’t matter,” he sighed. “Uh…” They reached the car and he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. She didn’t know what he was thinking about or if he was just trying to control his emotions or what. “You want me just to take you home? This is all kind of a bust, huh?”

“Wha? No, don’t take me home yet!”

“You sure? ‘Cause this a pretty fail date so–”

“Oh my god are you serious right now?” she laughed. “It’s fine! Things go wrong sometimes, it’s not that serious. Can’t we just find something else to do?”

He let out a deep, heavy sigh.

“Hey look, I’m sorry I fucked up the wine tasting. We can just do that on another date, I’ll book it.”

“Yeah but…”

“Let’s just go to minigolf or something–”

“I’m not taking you to minigolf,” he huffed, and crossed his arms and leaned against the car, and rolled his eyes.

And frankly, Alex had had enough.

“Why the fuck not? What’s wrong with minigolf? What’s wrong with Taco Bell? I don’t want to be a bitch because I know you put all this effort into planning all of these things but why are you acting like we’re suddenly too good to– ok, we tried this fancy stuff and things went wrong so let’s just do something else! It doesn’t have to be a big deal!”

“It does have to be a big deal, Alex! It’s our first fucking date!”

“So?!” she shouted, throwing her arms up.

“What do you mean ‘so’?! It’s our first date! The first date we ever go on!” he shouted back.

“Yeah I know that! But it doesn’t have to be like some big…” She couldn’t think of the right words. Her shouting fizzled a bit as she thought through what he’d just said, and how actually very sweet that was.

“I wanted it to be big,” he insisted. “Hoseok always took you on these big fancy dates, right? Yeah, I can do that too!”

“Oh, Jungkook,” she sighed. And walked around and grabbed his coat and headbutted his chest and let her head rest there. “You dummy.”

“What?”

“Don’t worry about what Hoseok did. Who cares?”

“You cared.”

“Past tense,” she pointed out, craning her neck to look up at him from so close. “Now I’m out on a date with you. I don’t have this like high expectation of–”

“Of a good date? You should. That’s shitty, I don’t–”

“We can do anything and it’s a good date. I just wanted to spend time with you. We already know all kinds of things we like doing together.”

“Yeah but this isn’t just hanging out, Alex. It’s a date date. I wanted it to be special.”

“It is special, you idiot.” She hit him on the arm several times to try and make him smile. “It’s us. Obviously it’s special.”

“No, we’ve always been just friends. This needs to be big so you know it’s different–”

“Do you think I’m a stupid little baby? Is that why you were telling me about baby brains? I know this is different! You brought me flowers and looked all nervous and awkward on my couch!” It was more fun to tease him than admit her own nerves as she’d dressed and redressed and then redressed again. But the excitement for her had been a thousand times louder than the nerves. Nervous-excited, not nervous-afraid.

He sounded nervous-afraid.

“Yeah but–”

“I put on sexy underwear and eyeliner! The pointy way you said looks good!”

“I know that– I mean not about the underwear but–”

“So why are you being so weird about our date? There’s no point if you don’t actually enjoy spending time with me.”

“What are you talking about?” he demanded, eyebrows furrowing into the little V she had predicted. “Of course I like spending time with you.”

“Yeah? What do you like doing with me?”

“I don’t know, just… stuff. Like… but it’s just been friend stuff before–”

“I’m no expert, but I think dating is kind of just doing the same things we always did except we say it’s a date now,” she pointed out. “You don’t think so? Or are you worried you don’t actually like me or something?”

“I like you, Alex, that’s why I’m nervous. Pretty sure I used a word stronger than ‘like’ before too.”

She let that sit for a moment. Hearing Jungkook admit he was nervous was a completely different lens to look at the whole evening. Hearing Jungkook reiterate that he liked her was like, nauseatingly unbelievable. 

Ok, now she was having a harder time not being nervous-afraid because yeah, this was pretty crazy, being on a date date with Jungkook that he was taking so seriously because he liked her and she liked him too. Oh god.

“Are you… are you just cranky because you’re worried about having a bad first date?” she fumbled out.

“Yeah! Obviously! Jesus, it’s like you– are you fucking with me right now?!”

“Oh my god, you are so high strung right now,” she sighed and pulled on his jacket. “Jungkook! Chill! Are you serious?”

“I just…”

“Baby,” she said, and reached up to grab his face in a burst of confidence fueled by all of his nonsense. “Baby Koo.”

“Shut up,” he grumbled.

“No, don’t be grumpy. Look at me.” He begrudgingly did so; he didn’t have much of a choice with her holding his head. “Thank you for a wonderful dinner and for scheduling the wine tasting I fucked up. This whole evening is really special to me. The fact you worked so hard to make it special makes me feel really special. I don’t want to say goodnight yet, so I’d really like ice cream and minigolf with you.”

“Why are you so obsessed with minigolf?” he mumbled.

“I don’t know, I just think it’s a cute date idea and I like doing dumb things like that with you,” she shrugged, letting her hands fall away. He caught hold of them though and held. His fingers were cold. “I’m still allowed to like it, even when it’s a date date.”

“Yeah, well…” His mouth twisted in thought, so cute. “My original plan was to do minigolf,” he confessed. “And the taco truck. But then everyone acted like that was really lame and low effort so I wanted to do something bigger so you would know–”

“Fuck that!” Alex cried. “And fuck them! I like minigolf and tacos!”

“I know you like that but I wanted to like… I want you to be all giddy and stuff, you know? No one gets giddy over minigolf.”

“They do when they win,” she beamed. “You wouldn’t know about that. Since you never win.” 

His eyes narrowed. “Uh, pretty sure I always beat your ass. I can’t let you win, just because it’s a date.”

“Who said anything about let?”

“Ugggh but see? I can’t beat your ass, that’ll be a bad date.”

“Then let me win.”

“You’d hate me forever.”

“I wouldn’t hate you! I’d just be shocked you were down that bad for me– I don’t think your ego could let someone–”

“Hey, I let girls win that shit all the time,” he interrupted. “I don’t let you win because I respect you so much.”

“Yeah or because you aren’t trying to get into my pants.”

“No, but I do want into your pants now.”

“Well… sounds like you know what to do then…” She grinned and wiggled her eyebrows and felt full body relief. Everything made so much more sense now. She should have figured it out sooner that Jungkook was just nervous and frustrated that things weren’t going to his plan when he was trying so hard! But how could she have guessed he was this worked up about impressing her? It was just her!

“Alex,” he whined her name. She started to walk around the car but he was still holding her wrist and pulled her back. “We can’t play minigolf. Forty years from now we’ll be talking about our first date and I’m going to say I took you to play fucking minigolf?”

Damn. Damn that sounded serious. 

“Um, well,” she stammered, distracted at the casual way in which he’d basically just been like yeah we’re going to be together forever. “Well first you’ll probably tease me about forgetting my wallet and then you’ll probably tease me about being easy or childish because I wanted to play minigolf.”

“Ah, that’s true… you asked for it. I’m just giving you what you wanted.” His voice lowered as he said it, as he pulled her closer, no secret about the innuendo.

“Giving me what I want is always the right move,” she agreed, and lifted her face so he wouldn’t have to crouch too far for the kiss she thought he was leading into. There was only a moment of hesitation during which she worried she’d read him wrong. Maybe this just wasn’t normal yet, but they wanted it. He smiled into the kiss, giving too much teeth against hers, but she tilted her face and the kiss softened and Alex forgot to breathe. You know, just Jungkook, kissing her in the parking lot, nose pressed against hers, warm breath and saliva mingling with hers.

She overbalanced on her toes and they fell back against his car but he caught his own weight and towered over her. 

“Maybe you should go back to being pissy and mean,” she breathed.

“Huh?”

“You’re making me dizzy,” she admitted with a laugh. “I know we kissed the other night but–” 

Jungkook cut her off with another kiss that made her toes curl and her heart stutter.

“Yeah?” he murmured, sounding a bit breathless himself as his nose gently nudged hers. “Am I giving you butterflies kissing you in the parking lot of the wine tasting we didn’t get to do?”

“Yeah.”

He sighed, wine-scented breath warm across her face. “Can you please be a little more high maintenance? I’m giving you permission to be demanding!”

“Oh, I will be, without your permission,” she assured him with a cheeky grin. “You seem to be forgetting– well, I won’t remind you. You just keep those rose-tinted glasses on for a while. At least until I make you cry at minigolf.”

“Ok, are you just forgetting that you’re really bad at minigolf? Because I have not forgotten it–”

“That’s not true! I’ve won before!”

“Yeah, by sabotaging me,” he pointed out.

“Mm-hm and now I can sabotage you even more, right? Like… oops I dropped my ball!” she joked and slid from his arms to bend over and pick it up. So he had a nice profile of just how high her skirt would go. She was wearing tights, it wasn’t going to show anything but look, she’d learned a few things over the years about what Jungkook liked. He liked the tease. The suggestion. Maybe he liked it more than the real thing. 

She hoped he didn’t like the idea of her more than the real thing.

Also he really liked ass, so at least that was a safe bet.

He grumbled and demanded, “How many dates do we have to go on before I’m allowed to spank when you do something like that?”

Oh god be cool she begged herself because, you know, Jungkook had basically just asked to spank her. Jungkook. Spanking her. Just… spanking her. Cool. Cool cool.

“Um… three.”

He looked unhappy about it but nodded, “Ok. So you’re just going to tease me a lot tonight then?”

“Yeah, probably. But if you cry when you lose, I’ll comfort you. I’m not totally mean.”

“Yeah, I’ll give you a hug when you lose,” he promised. “I’m a caring date.”

“You’re a nice guy.”

“Yeah, I’m a nice guy,” he laughed, then tried to tickle and poke her through her coat. “I am. Sorry if I was weird or whatever tonight.”

“Hey, why are you talking like the night is over? You are still on a date,” she argued. 

“Right right, I have to make your dreams come true. Minigolf and ice cream.”

“And you,” she added, sort of without meaning to. At least the vulnerability of it hit her after she’d said the words. She just had meant to specify he was an important part of why she would like those things on a date!

But the thing was, she didn’t really feel vulnerable tonight in a bad way. She didn’t feel as nervous or impostery as she had feared. This was Jungkook! She didn’t think there was anyone in the world she was safer with and all his efforts and overthinking seemed to prove that. He’d taken on all the nerves for her. What a great guy.

He smiled, that goofy crooked toothy grin of her best friend, and said, “Well call me a dreamboy, baby, because I’m about to make all your dreams come true–”

“Ok you did not get laid with lines like that,” Alex said with a roll of her eyes.

“Yeah, sure I did!”

“No.”

“I did! Are you saying that did not make you cream your panties? What kind of panties did you say again–”

“Oh my god, just get in the car.”

“Fine, what date can I ask about your panties? Because I thought that one was ok since we talked about it the other night.”

“My panties?”

“Yeah.”

“You mean because you’ve been hoarding my underwear at your–”

“Woah woah I did not– I told you they were just mixed in with–”

“They?! How many of my underwear do you have?!”

“Get in the car, Song.”

She giggled and continued to taunt him as the car heated up and he looked up places. There was an indoor one at the mall they were familiar with but Alex wanted the outside one which was still open through the end of the month and served ice cream.

“You sure you’re ok with outside?”

“I’ll be fine! I have a coat and sweater tights.”

“Oh is that why they look fancy?”

“Yeah, they’re textured. Want to feel them?” she teased as he drove. But he took the advantage, letting his hand slide across her thigh. She got very quiet. His hand just looked so familiar and comfortable there, like that was his thigh. 

“Yeah, I like these,” he nodded. “Your whole outfit.”

She waited, then sighed, “You noticed I couldn’t get my eyeliner straight, didn’t you?”

“Well, that’s why you have me now,” he laughed. “I can help next time.”

“Look you weren’t the only one nervous, ok?”

“Yeah? What were you nervous about, baby?” he asked, still rubbing her thigh. He might as well have been rubbing somewhere else with that firm grip. The devil part of her wanted to just ask him to let his hand run higher, maybe a sequel to the other night…

“Yeah don’t act all cocky now. I know your secret!” she retorted and adjusted her skirt.

“What’s my secret?”

“You like me.”

“You’re right, that is a very well kept secret,” he laughed. “Please don’t spread that around. There might still be a couple people in town I didn’t drunkenly blab that to in the last few months.”

She sighed happily at his expense. Maybe the craziest thing wasn’t being on a date with ex-best-turned-best-friend-again Jungkook. Maybe the craziest thing was that being on an actual date with him didn’t feel as crazy as she’d always expected it to. Would that come later? She hadn’t felt mismatched on his arm walking into either restaurant like she’d expected to. Yes, he was the hottest guy in any room. And he wanted to put his face between her legs, so what did that make her?

Ok, that part was still a little wild and crazy. Not only that he’d wanted to but she’d let him. Maybe she’d even let him do it for real next time.

“You ok?”

“Hm?”

“Is it too hot in here now?” he asked.

“Yeah, way too hot,” she agreed, reaching forward to crank the heat down. Jungkook cracked the windows. She drank the cool air in and pushed back against the warm tingling starting to build up. 

“So what did your parents say when you told them I was picking you up for a date tonight?” he asked, throat clearing. It made her suspicious in two directions.

“Why, what did they say to you?” she asked, the safer question than: why you clearing your throat, boo? Whatcha thinking about? 

“Nothing, they were just acting kind of weird…”

“I told them we were going on a date date and they were just like ‘oh really? That’s nice.’ I don’t think they believed me!”

“Well I was dressed up with flowers.”

“Plus you were acting super weird too,” Alex pointed out.

“Thanks, babe.”

His hand left her thigh as he took a sharp turn and Alex wished he’d read her mind and put it back, but he did not.

“Let’s get your wallet, dummy.”

Fifteen minutes and one returned wallet later, he pulled into the minigolf parking lot and pressed, “You sure you want to do this?”

“Why? You scared?”

“No, I meant because it’s cold–”

“You’re scared.”

“I’m not scared, Alex. You golf like a toddler.”

“It’s minigolf, that’s the point!”

“That’s not the… whatever, ice cream before or after?”

“During. I’m ready to doublefist a cone and a club.”

It really was fucking cold outside, but the course was lit and they weren’t the only ones. The snack bar served them the ice cream, the employee giving them a raised eyebrow but handing the cones over. Jungkook hit his first ball straight into a pond and Alex got a scathing look from a mom when she shouted what are you the fucking hulk? It’s minigolf! While he shouted accusations at her That was your fault! Why are you bending over like that to tie your shoe? Your boots don’t even have laces! 

The truth was they were both pretty bad at minigolf tonight. Their teeth chattered and they huddled together from one hole to the next. They fucked with each other every single turn –dirty jokes, terrible impersonations, quoting memes and movies they knew would get a rise out of each other. Jungkook tried the same move she’d done in the beginning, even pulling his coat up to make sure she could see his ass, sulked when it didn’t work, and pretended like he was going to do a full on striptease –which would definitely have led to Alex’s premature death. Later she offered to suck his fingers to warm them up and he fell to the ground claiming he’d sprained his dick. 

And then it started to rain.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Jungkook shouted as Alex grabbed his hand and ran with him into the mountain tunnel in the center of the course. “It wasn’t supposed to rain until 9!”

“The weather does what it wants.”

“Yeah but it’s fucking with my date. You don’t like getting rained on! Unless today is the day we try the naked thing–”

She laughed and pulled him down closer to kiss his wet face. His skin was so cold. Their lips and noses were stiff. The sweetness of his mint choco ice cream lingered on his tongue. Alex stood on the railing for height and lost herself in the taste. She thought she’d be taking this dumb fantasy to her grave and yet here they were, making out in the minigolf mountain like the horny teenages they hadn’t gotten to be with each other. 

After several long, lazy, uncounted minutes had passed, they huddled together at the exit to survey the remaining distance. The rain was not letting up.

“Did you make it rain?” he demanded. “You’re that upset I’m beating you?”

“Uh… you aren’t beating me.”

“Alex, I’m totally beating you.”

“You totally aren’t.”

“Then what’s the score?”

“I don’t know but you don’t know either!”

“7-11.”

“You liar!” she laughed and tried to hit his ass. “Fine, we’ll count for real now.”

“Wait, what for real now? It’s raining!”

“It’s not raining that hard.”

“It’s hard enough!” he cried, then instantly laughed and wiggled his eyebrows, then groaned, “But I’m not, I’m freezing!”

“All right, let’s golf fast! Orrrr you could admit defeat.”

“Never,” he glared and grabbed his putter and took off.

The cheating was flagrant and largely futile. Putters were traded for kicking, rolling, and eventually just dropping the ball in the hole. They shouted numbers to make each other lose count. They were laughing so hard, doubled over at times as the rain grew heavier and colder. She really did hate the way her clothes and hair clung to her wet skin, but it was worth it to endure. This was a special night.

“We’re idiots!” Alex laughed, then shrieked as she slipped on a little bridge. Jungkook dove forward and rammed his elbow on the metal railing, didn’t help her, and sank to the ground like he’d been knocked out. “Get up! Get up! You’ll get hypothermia!”

Instead he took her putter and shouted, “Good luck winning now!” and limped forward, clutching his elbow. Alex ran ahead of him and managed to shove her ball into the final return hole just as he tried to kick his in. Instead he kicked her in the shoulder and shouted in horror. She tried to stand, he tried to crouch.

“Fuck!”

“Up up we have to get back to the car, we’re going to freeze to death!” Jungkook shouted at her, grabbing her arm. They half-limped, half-ran back to the parking lot, tossing their putters in the return rack without stopping.

“We’re such idiots, we’re going to get sick and die,” Alex wailed as they stripped their wet coats off and shoved them in the backseat. Jungkook cranked the heat up. “Fuck, I hate my bangs!” she laughed, swiping at the hair plastered to her face, poking her in the eyes. “At least I wore my contacts.”

Jungkook’s hands replaced hers, pushing them back, followed by his cold lips against her forehead, her nose and then her mouth, all one smooth motion that completely overwhelmed her. Her fingers tightened on his shoulders in surprise as he grabbed her arms and pulled her closer, like the laughter and running and cheating had turned into raw energy that he now funneled into a hard, desperate kiss. The joy in that kiss made the world spin around her. The windows were fogging up and she felt that desperation again. Touch me, taste me, take me, do anything to me, let me be the girl you want.

“Alex.”

“Koo.”

His breath warmed her frozen nose and stung her frozen cheeks. 

“Was this the worst date ever?”

She glared. “No! It was good because it was with me, right?”

“We’re both going to get the flu.”

“Stop complaining and just kiss me again,” she ordered, pulling him across the console this time. He pressed her into the seat, contorted, mouth getting hotter against hers by the second. 

“God I can’t believe this was the best date of my life,” he completely contradicted himself.

The giggles burst out of her, “Damn. Really? That’s sad–”

He shoved icy fingers under her sweater to tickle and she screamed and kicked the dashboard in her attempts to flee. He just wrapped his arms around her and pressed his frozen nose into her neck, squeezing tighter.

“You asshole, let me go!”

“Never.”

“Jungkook!”

“You said you wanted outdoor minigolf, you suffer the consequences! I’m warming my nose up.”

“I’m so uncomfortably wet!”

“Yeah baby–”

“No, in a bad way!”

“Love leaving a girl wet in a bad way on our first date–” She couldn’t hear what else he said, drowned out by her laughter. Someone was going to think they were fucking in here with the way windows had fogged up so quickly and they were shaking the car. She pushed him away and adjusted the heat and wiped at the condensation on her window. Now it was uncomfortably hot, and also her clothing really felt disgusting like this. The fluffy sweater was scratchy and gross. She pulled it away from her skin but it just clung right back.

Jungkook shook his head.

“What?”

“I tried so hard to make this date nice,” he laughed.

“Oh my god you’re so hung up on this. I’m having a great time!”

But perfectionist Jungkook. She should have known he’d have some specific idea in mind! He struggled when things didn’t go the way he planned, if he wanted them a certain way. Usually he’d insist he didn’t care and overcompensate in his frustration, make too much of a joke about things in an effort to be cool that was always obvious and annoying. He hadn’t done that! But she knew frustration lingered with him and she didn’t want that to be what overshadowed their date!

“Seriously. Please don’t remember our first date as a failure. Ok, how about this, what if we decide this was just a trial run.”

“Uh huh.”

“Our next date is our first date,” she explained, twisting in the seat. It was gross, her tights and skirt squished. “We’ll just keep having first dates until you’re happy.”

“Wait, but I’m happy. Don’t make it sound like I’m not.”

“Uh, you aren’t though, you’re the only one in this car who’s unhappy.”

“I’m happy,” he insisted, eyebrows going up, lips pouting. “It’s just not as good as I wanted to do for you, but I’m happy. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m on a date with Alex Song!”

“Oh please…”

“I meant that seriously.”

“You said it like a joke.”

“I meant it seriously,” he insisted. “I want to impress you, you know? You’ve seen the worst of me for so long, I want you to see the best of me too. Like that I can take you on a really fun, nice date, not that I’m just some lazy, sex-obsessed asshole–.”

“I see the best of you all the time too, or I wouldn’t be on a date with you in the first place. I already know we can have a great time even when things go wrong. This date was genuinely great but even if it was actually awful, I’d still have fun with you, it’s one of the things I’ve always… liked about you.” Loved about you.

She didn’t say it.

She balked.

She didn’t know why she didn’t say it. She had expected the words to just roll right off her tongue. Because she did, she knew she loved him, and not too long ago she could have said it without any hesitation.

But it meant something more now, and the words tangled up behind her cold teeth.

She hurried to add, “I know that you can be both a really sweet, thoughtful guy and a lazy, sex-obsessed–”

“Ok ok,” he huffed, pouting he’d set her up for a zinger like that. He turned on the headlights and sighed. “I’d better get you home so you can put on your jammies. I’ll feel like an asshole if I really do get you sick right before Christmas.”

“I’m the one who insisted on minigolf.”

“Ok, it’s your fault then.”

“Jungkook!”

“Hey don’t hit me, I’m driving! That’s just what we need tonight, a car wreck!”

“Fine, you’re safe for now…”

She curled up in her seat and tried not to make it obvious she was staring at him. The streetlights flickering through the rain on the windshield cast spotted shadows on his wet face but she could tell his nose was still red and sniffly. 

He was cute. And sweet. It was endearing he’d been so serious and competitive about their date. She’d known him for so long but still she had learned something new about him tonight: he was not confident on a date. She had always known he had a gooey soft interior but he was so suave with women, she had assumed he would be all confidence and charm on a date. Instead he was a grumpy sulky baby when things weren’t going the way he planned. 

Her grumpy sulky baby. Just like she’d always wanted. Hot as shit on the outside, sulky baby on the inside.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, glancing nervously her way at a red light.

“Nothing.”

“Tell me.”

“Nothing!”

He reached out and sank his fingers into her thigh like a claw.

“NO! Don’t tickle me, you’re driving!” she shrieked and tried to fend him off. Fortunately the light turned green, saving her. “Rude!”

“I just want to know what you're thinking. I’m on pins and needles here.”

She decided to tease him more. “Well… I’m thinking I’d like to see you again.”

“Oh? Yeah?”

“Yeah. Maybe at our joint family dinner on Christmas Eve?”

“Booo,” he scowled. “Before that. That’s not a date, that’s a duty.”

“You want another date before that?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow, I’m a really good date, huh?” she grinned.

“Yeah, you’re cute.”

“I was joking!”

“I’m not.”

“Fine. How about I’ll plan the next date. When are you free, is it on the calendar?”

“Yeah, it’s on the calendar. Any time I’m not working is yours.”

She didn’t comment. She couldn’t comment on any of these things. Because this was just mundane, joky conversation, but the fact they casually making more plans together hit her like a bus. Part of her brain was like yeah, making plans with Jungkook, totally normal while the other part reminded you’re dating Jungkook. 

He pulled to a stop in front of her house and started to get out.

“No don’t walk me to the door, it’s still pouring.”

“Yeah, but–”

“No, seriously. My parents might be watching the door anyway.”

“Yeah but…”

“Hey,” she said. “Save it for the first date. I’ll walk you to your front door at the end of the night.”

“Oh you’re driving?”

“Yeah, babygirl, we are equals,” she grinned.

“Did you just… just ‘babygirl’ me?”

“Yesssss,” she started to laugh before his fingers even tried to wedge under her shirt again. He kissed her before she caught her breath; she laughed and squirmed and it made their lips slide, the messiest kiss. 

“K, get out of my car, I need to get home and shower before I get sick,” he said.

“Hold on, Jesus, I’m dizzy.”

“Huh?”

“You can’t just kiss a girl like that and then kick her out of your car, I’ll trip and die–”

“Ok, I’m walking you in.”

“No, stay put.”

“You said you’re dizzy!”

She squeezed his face so full of concern, and shook her head, “Goodnight. Thanks for the amazing date, I had a lot of fun despite your whining about it.”

“Hey!”

His shouted protests were swallowed quickly by the rain as she held her coat over her head and ran into her house. She was right that Baba had been watching the door and swung it open to let her in quickly.

“Alex, you’re wet! Did you get caught in the rain?”

“Thanks, Baba, goodnight!” Alex sang as she yanked her boots off, tossed her coat, and floated to her room. 

There in the privacy of her bedroom, she covered her face and let out a silent scream.

He tried so hard!

He cared so much!

He was so handsome!

He was so awkward about their date and god, she loved him for it. Didn’t he understand how perfect it was? It was exactly what she had hoped for. The effort. The attention. All for her. 

She looked forward to teasing him about it for forty years. 

Especially the photo he posted to his Snap and Insta story of him with a towel around his shoulders, shirt clinging to his body, hair damp and tousled, giving a thumbs-up with the caption yeah everything went wrong but I got a second date so… Followed by a text only post on insta lol she ain’t on here fam she deleted insta a while ago

So he wasn’t talking about their date on insta as some kind of game or lure or to signal to her that he wasn’t still trying to hook up with women? He did it just to… share? Brag? Signal to women on instagram he wasn’t looking? Was he just excited about his date and used to sharing things on social media and didn’t think through the impact on his free sex life because that wasn’t a priority to him?

“Grrrr why are you so fucking cute,” she grumbled. “I’m supposed to be the cute one. Stay in your hot lane. ”

She DMed him a kissy face emoji in response to the story to give him a heart attack and went to shower. And afterwards had a good laugh when the stories and the pre-date photo were gone.

[AlandPals]: 😘

[TheJK.97]: 😎

[AlandPals]: take off the sunglasses

[TheJK.97]:  😵🪦

[TheJK.97]:  so uh when did you dl insta?

[AlandPals]: night bunny

[TheJK.97]:  that is NOT my petname

[TheJK.97]:  night earwig

[AlandPals]: night weevil

[TheJK.97]:  night shrimp cocktail

[AlandPals]: night nutter butter

[TheJK.97]:  night cheeto finger

[AlandPals]: night kookie crisp

[TheJK.97]:  night booberry

[TheJK.97]:  night pistachio

[TheJK.97]: night titmouse (that’s a bird look it up)

[TheJK.97]: did you fall asleep on me??

[TheJK.97]: I win 😁

Alex let him have this one. He’d earned it.

KEEP READING PARTY B

[mldrgrl]

20 fanfic questions

Tagged by @randomfoggytiger

How many works do you have on AO3? 253

2. What's your total AO3 words count? The way I feel like it took me an hour to find this - legit thought this question was going to make me go add up every total. 1,072,878

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The X-Files, Hanella (if that counts), The Matrix (all two stories)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

This was surprising to me: Unbridled Tumblr drabble prompts One Lonely Night We Wish You a Happy Holiday Broken Things

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always - though admittedly it takes me some time now. I deeply appreciate anyone taking time to make a comment on a story, so I think it's important to always say thank you, at the least.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Without question, it has to be The Unbearable Weight of Things Unsaid

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I don't know the answer to this...I think a majority of the time I try to write happy endings, with few exceptions, so I honestly have no idea how to answer. Everything but maybe three stories???

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have, yes.

9. Do you write smut. If so what kind?

I do. What are the kinds of smut!?!? The smutty kind.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

LOL. Yes, The Fall and Californication.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

YES. The absolute worst feeling. And then to be asked to participate in a narrative that I pass myself off as the other person so they would not get caught. Horrible.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. The best feeling!

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Many years ago I used to participate in round robins for another fandom.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Mulder and Scully.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

The WIP I'm working on right now has been testing my patience, but I'm determined that it will get finished, even if it takes me another two years. Aside fro that, I have no other WIPs.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Description. The difference between lay, lie, laid, lied, lying and laying. I don't care how many times I have to look it up, which is every time I try to use one of those words, it doesn't make sense to me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I appreciate it when it's authentic and there's a reason for it. I've done it before and sought out a native speaker to help me on it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Lois & Clark

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Broken Things - I would really love to get myself back to that little world and write more for it. I always had an idea for a prequel of sorts, and it would be great if I could actually feel like I can write again.

Tiger seemed to already tag everyone, so if you happen to see this and want to answer, please consider yourself tagged!

[softguarnere]

Fic Writer Interview

Thank you for the tag @mercurygray!

How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 6, but hopefully that number will go up over spring break

What's your total AO3 word count?

119,136

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Like A Girl (Like A Man) - Band of Brothers

Just A Kid - The Outsiders

Bear The Burden Alone - The Chronicles of Narnia

For Whatever We Lose - Band of Brothers

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, absolutely! I share my writing because it allows me to connect with people who share my interests. If I'm not posting replies, it feels more like a one sided conversation, imo. Also, it seems the polite thing to do

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

It's about to be Like A Girl (Like A Man)! You'll see why soon >:)

What the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

On AO3, it's probably Bear The Burden Alone, but I try to keep the fics that I post here on Tumblr kinda upbeat with hopeful -- albeit open-ended -- endings.

Do you write crossovers?

Yeah! For Whatever We Lose is actually a crossover with The Pacific, and I'd love to do more crossovers in the future

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yep! I've deleted the comments, but some people were VERY ANGRY about the background Babe/Roe content in LAGLAM -- you know, despite the fact that the plot of the fic is driven by a queer woman's decision to cross-dress. Guess they had to draw the line somewhere, but the hypocrisy of it all makes me chuckle

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Kinda? I deleted most of it from the original LAGLAM drafts and instead just alluded to it, but things are going to be different in FWWL. Get ready for crappy ocean metaphors and religious imagery, babes!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not :( That would stink

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I think it would be fun!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Everlark! (said while frothing at the mouth because they make me go insane) I've been obsessed with them since I first read The Hunger Games at age 9. I could write you a whole novel about why I think they're perfect together, but I'll spare you the ramble (unless anyone wants it?)

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Tears in my eyes when I tell you that it's probably the requests in my inbox. I keep telling myself that I'll get to them, but I've just felt unmotivated with all the stuff I've had going on in my personal life/at school. I really really do hope to get to them someday, though, because some of them will be really fun to write

What are your writing strengths?

I have no clue, lol. I tend to get compliments about how I describe settings, so I'm gonna say that!

What are your writing weaknesses?

My abuse of commas and italics.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Personally, I love doing it. Especially in a fic like LAGLAM, where even though most people don't speak the language I'm using (Cherokee), I feel like they can still see the importance to the characters and to the story. And I like tricking people into caring about Indigenous language preservation. My teachers told me that anything can be a vessel for carrying language on, and by God, I took that to heart

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Oh boy. I was in the fifth grade. I had won many writing competitions. Two classmates approached me and told me that they wished The Hunger Games had more post-Mockingjay Everlark content, and that since I was a good writer, they wanted me to write it. I was traded many cosmic brownies and other such snacks throughout the year for my services in providing my classmates with Everlark fics on pages of notebook paper that are probably crumpled up in a landfill by now. At the time, I had no idea I was writing fanfiction, but it was the start of my favorite hobby. Look at me now, baby!

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I've always wanted to write for TURN: Washington's Spies but have never had the courage haha

What's your favorite fic you've written?

I have a couple of one-shots that I'm pretty pleased with, but currently I'm going to say LAGLAM because it's been so special to me <3

Tagging (but no pressure!): @almost-a-class-act @latibvles @footprintsinthesxnd @liebgotts-lovergirl

[pitconfirm]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thank you for tagging @mars-mystic!! mwah 😽

1. How many works do you have on ao3

eight, two of which are anon teehee (but i think one is very obviously mine 😅)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

60,694... soon to be over 70k 🙈

3. What fandoms do you write for?

im just here for lance nation..... writing about my pookie wookie

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

excluding my anon fics which are the actual #1 and #3...

1 - Gatito (the people yearn for kitty lance)

2 - Midas Touch

3 - Broken Glass (guys please someone else write more 141831 im begging....... i cannot be the only threesome in this tag)

4 - Venus Flytrap

5 - Kamikaze

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I love responding to comments.... i love every comment I respond to every comment unless it's just emojis or i have literally no idea how to respond 😭

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I guess Kamikaze is my only fic with a kind of angsty ending... but not really. i don't like angsty endings 😭 i need problems to be solved. if i know a fic has an angsty ending i generally will not even touch it

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

im now realising that most of my fics on ao3 are just straight up porn..... i swear i am planning more substantial things in the future. but i guess my two tumblr drabbles have happy endings?? oh wait or Detonate.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

luckily i've never gotten any hate at all..... not even anon hate asks, i feel like im missing out. this is what I get for being kind and amazing 😔🫶

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

do i even need to answer this. every kind. almost.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not crossovers but there are like.... specific aus living in my mind that i want to write. hunger games au, dbh au.... beloveds.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i hope not 🤨

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

🙅‍♂️

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no....... not yet 🤔

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

tbh I’ve read so many different fandoms and ships over the years but strollonso is the one I’ve been most feral about. or maybe arthur/eames from inception…..

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I literally have zero wips right now except venus flytrap. the ideas in my brain have dried up like the sahara desert to work on this thing. once I’m finished we’ll see

16. What are your writing strengths?

I like to think I have good wit and flow. and maybe attention to detail… always thinking what more I can add to a scene to make it more palpable

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I think just…. really terrible self criticism. a lot of the time I’m writing and I’m like… what if this sucks what if everyone hates this what if blah blah blah….. WHO CARES!!!!!! I wish I could be less worried about that

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I will write a few words if I feel confident enough about them but not whole passages. I always have nando saying little bits in spanish

19. First fandom you wrote for?

TOOOO EMBARRASSING. I only ever wrote for one other fandom and I was 13 on wattpad and shudder every time I remember

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I guess it has to be venus flytrap for the pure amount of effort I’ve put in…. and because it’s definitely the most well written by farrrr. I cringe a little reading my other stuff now 😭 but I guess that’s just the nature of improving over time

NO idea who’s already done this so forgive me if I’m being a goof @lil-shiro @lou-who-writes @parallelplayers @boxboxbrioche @vicsy @userkritaaay and now my brain is firing blanks so sorry if I forgot any of my beautiful writer friends

[ao3commentoftheday]

all about ao3 pac

In April of 2022, my blog hosted a takeover from an AO3 Policy & Abuse (PAC) volunteer. More recently, I linked out to it in a post about what happens when you’ve been reported and PAC finds you violated the Terms of Service. 

For easy reference, here are the questions that the volunteer answered, as well as links to the answers themselves. I’ve grouped them as best I can by topic area.

About Volunteering: 

How do you become an AO3 or OTW volunteer? 

What is the most complicated part of being a volunteer on PAC? 

What happens if PAC volunteers disagree about a case?

About Policy & Abuse Reports:

What happens when I send in a report?

How can I send in a good report? What do you wish people knew when reporting?

How long does it take for a report to be handled?

Why is there a limit to the number of times a work can be reported? Doesn’t mass reporting mean a case gets more attention?

How many reports do you get in a year? How many are rejected?

If someone reports me but I didn’t do anything wrong, will I ever find out?

If I disagree with PAC’s decision, how can I appeal?

specifics about different areas of the Terms of Service under the cut

About AO3's Terms of Service: 

IV.B. Commercial Promotion

Does linking to or otherwise referencing (ko-fi, patreon, amazon, etc) violate AO3’s non-commercialization policy? What about if my tumblr/twitter/etc has a link to that kind of site? 

What about Tumblr’s Post+ and Blaze options? What about Spotify? 

What about links to products people can buy that someone else is selling - like fic binding glue on Amazon?

IV.D. Copyright Infringement & IV.E. Plagiarism 

How do you judge if something is plagiarism/copyright infringement?    

IV.G. Harassment 

What should authors do about harassment in their comments or in bookmarks of their fics?

Can tags be considered harassment if they contain threats?

If someone writes a fic about me, could I report it as harassment? Would you take it down?

IV.H. Illegal and Inappropriate Content 

Explain AO3’s stance about hosting explicit sexual content featuring real life minors.

Are original stories (original works) allowed on AO3?

Are works asking for help to find a fic, listing prompts, or asking for RP partners allowed? What should I do if I see one? 

Are we allowed to post works that are lore or informational guides, etc based on our own fics or on our fandom?

IV.K. Tags 

Which tags does PAC enforce? How are reports for works with the wrong rating or warnings handled?

How should I report multiple fics that are tagged with the wrong language?

What can you do about works tagged with the wrong fandoms? What if the fandoms are shared continuities, adaptations, etc.? What about fusion fics that tag characters/fandoms that aren’t there?

V.C. Other Assorted Policies 

What happens if an orphaned work violates the TOS?

How do I designate my fannish next of kin? Is there a form or…?

[kalfui]

Hey another aroace here, just wanting to understand some things.

Just want to know why you spend time getting mad at slash fiction featuring alastor instead of just blocking people and blacklisting tags. Tumblr and Ao3 both have tagging systems for a reason. You'd be happier for it if you curated your experience on either site rather than getting upset over an uncontrollable situation.

Not only that but no one is actually going out of their way to attack ace people, and I've read a lot of the alastor fics here so I would know if they were attacking my identity. It's just harmless fun, they respect the canon and the characters - they just choose to write AUs, and that's not harmful it's creative expression. I mean, there are a lot of fanfics out there that change peoples genders and sexual identities for many different fandoms... are you going to after them all for making Sherlock x Watson? Naruto x Sasuke? Vaggie x Adam? (I mean, have you seen any comic book fandoms? Their fics are lousy with canon and disrespecting characters)

Fanfics are love letters to series', to show support for a show and it's characters by sharing your personal views on it. If the lack of aroace content bothers you, you could always make some yourself. I can guarantee that you'd get a lot of hits for it.

But if you're not going to make the content, then you don't really get to dictate creators can and can't make. You can only block the ones you don't like. That's creative freedom fam, and I'm wishing you a good day either way.

- 🔥🤷‍♀️🔥 anon

P.s. you should probably put an age on your blog, unless you're too young to even watch the show with some level of emotional maturity c; (in which case, you're too young to be using ao3 or tumblr without a mature content filter on)

People send me asks, and I answer what I think. I've made a couple of posts without asks, sure, but I'm just answering and having convos. No matter how many tags I block, Pinterest, Google, Tiktok, etc, will always recommend Alastor x whoever. You don't mind it? Cool. Many others do. There's a reason why whenever you comment something on a video, most of the time, someone will say something like "Hazbin hotel fan you can't talk." The fandom is full of weirdos

Changing straight characters sexualities doesn't erase representation because most media characters are straight.

[quarantineddreamer]

As a Shadow | Chapter 5 - Beautiful contrasts

Reposting 🥲 Let’s try this again since tumblr hated my tags the first time apparently.

Sorry about that cliffhanger last time, hope this makes up for it (😬😱). I cannot wait to hear your thoughts!! 💙 (Click title for AO3, or read below --please mind the tags on this one. Reblogs, comments, etc. eternally appreciated!)

There is a perfect moment where nothing else exists. All she knows is the tangle of her fingers in his hair, his hands pressing into her back, the movement of his mouth in response to her own, and the fierce burn of the kyber-crystal that rests between them. The hammering of their hearts becomes a chorus that drowns out everything around them until they are submerged completely in one another and the rest of the galaxy has melted away.

Then a pounding on the door startles both of them. “Is this bunk taken?” the muffled voice of a stranger calls.

“Yes!” Cassian shouts instantly, and Jyn gives a soft laugh at his breathlessness.

He shakes his head. “We have terrible timing,” he murmurs.

There is an awkward beat as Jyn sees his eyes flicker over her face, over what, to him, is empty space, searching for her. She moves his hand from where it rests on her hip and guides it up her shoulder and lightly over her face. When he’s reoriented, Cassian closes his eyes and leans forward to rest his forehead against her own with a small sigh.

Jyn takes his hand from off her knee and gives it a gentle squeeze. “I know…” The reality of their circumstances has returned all too soon. What has just happened is incredible, unbelievable really. It’s a gift that might never have been granted before in the entire history of the universe, yet it is still not enough.

He clasps the back of her head, lightly holding her in place against him. “I wish I could see you,” he says quietly.

“I do too,” Jyn agrees with a slight touch of guilt. She knows she’s getting the better end of this deal–the whole ‘dead’ thing aside–because at least she can see him.

“And I wish I could hear your voice…”

That too…

Cassian tilts his head to press another soft kiss to her lips, but as soon as he’s pulled away he’s back again and this time Jyn shifts forward so that her knees are on either side of his hips, pinning him beneath her, their torsos molded together.

Again, the world disappears, as her hands wander over his shoulders and his down her spine. For Jyn, it is impossible to remember the truth of her half-existence. How can she possibly recall a thing as trivial as death when Cassian’s pull is like gravity, bringing her to center? Every part of her comes to life under the heat of his touch, an ember stirred back to flame.

I take back every bad thing I ever said about the Force, Jyn thinks to herself hazily, a shiver passing through her as Cassian’s mouth finds her neck and his beard tickles her skin. If this is what it brought me back for, I should be saying thanks…

Cassian’s hands find one side of her jacket. He is beginning to gently push it off her shoulders when he starts to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Jyn demands, tapping her hands against his sides.

“You’re wearing clothes.”

“Why wouldn’t I be wearing clothes?!”

“I didn’t realize ghosts wore clothes.” His body shakes as he continues to chuckle at the absurdity of it all.

Jyn gives his shoulders a light shove, but really she is delighting in the sound of his laughter as well as the sight of the lopsided smile on his face, the flush in his cheeks. “You assumed I was wandering around naked this whole time?” she says indignantly, leaning away from him.

“Wait, wait, Jyn.” He wraps his arms around her and pulls her back, that goofy grin still on his face. “I’m not laughing at you. It’s just not anything I’ve ever thought about before. I hadn’t even noticed it, until…”

His hands gently slide under her shirt so that they are against the small of her back, igniting heat where they touch. A heat that spreads through her entire body as he begins to drag his fingers across her skin in slow, enticing circles.

Jyn places her palm under his chin and guides his lips back to hers, wrestling herself free of her jacket and tossing it behind her where it falls silently to the floor.

It feels natural to be held in Cassian’s arms, kissing him. As though their collision was predestined, as inevitable as an eclipse, and she is a dark and solitary moon now encompassed by an inferno of light and warmth.

Her senses are aflame; she breathes in his scent as she runs her lips down his neck, tastes the lingering salt of sweat on his soft skin, feels the tremor that runs through him as she moves across his chest, delights in the low sigh he emits when she teases her fingers through his hair.

“If you’re going to complain about my clothes, I get to complain about yours,” Jyn breathes into his ear, then pointedly begins to play with the collar of the tactical vest he’s wearing.

Cassian willingly rolls the vest (with all its infuriatingly bulky pockets) off his shoulders while Jyn tugs at the hem of his shirt until he’s free of that too. Her eyes catch for a moment on the kyber-crystal that glows against his bare chest, rising and falling with each breath he takes.

‘Hold on,’ she’d told him when she’d placed the kyber in his hands. And he had. The kyber had made it off Scarif, and so had he–which is all she had asked for. But he’s held on to her too. All this time, he’s kept her with him, unwilling to abandon her to dust and shadows.

She’s never had anyone show her such devotion. Never had anyone so steadfast and trustworthy.

But then again, she’s never known someone like him.

She places her palm against his chest and pushes gently until he lies back, his head resting atop the single pillow of the decidedly unglamorous bed. And his hands find her waist, but his eyes are still endlessly searching for her until Jyn softly coaxes his eyelids to close with the tips of her fingers. No more of that…. They’ve found each other, that is enough for now. It has to be. They will take what they can get and run with it, as they have both done throughout the entirety of their lives.

She pulls her shirt over her head, removes her bra, and sends them both to join the growing pile on the floor. Cassian follows her movements with his fingertips, running his hands up her bare sides, palms pressed against her, fingers splayed and lingering over every inch as though he is mapping the surface of her body by feel, committing every detail of her features to memory.

A heartbeat stutters, a hot shiver runs through her, something eager and hungry stirring in her belly when he begins to caress her breasts, his hips reflexively pressing upwards into hers.  

A low man escapes her lips at the feel of his body beneath her, at how hard he’s become from just the contact of their skin against one another. She rolls her hips, his crotch rubbing against her own, and even with the layers of cloth between them, it’s enough to make her bite her lip.

When she continues to grind against him Cassian emits a soft growl and gives her breasts a firm squeeze in response before quickly pulling her down towards him, their lips clashing fervently.

She echoes the rhythm of his breathing, rough and hot against her neck, tickling her ears, bringing heat to her cheeks. He is everywhere, his fingers pressing into her shoulders, his hands dragging down her back till they grasp her ass, pulling her closer and closer still, until she’s lost track of where he begins and she ends.

There’s an electric current rushing through her, a pulse rising to a fervor. Cassian must be experiencing the same, because he leans away, eyes opening as he shakes his head.

“Sorry,” he says in a voice ragged with lust. “Just give me a minute.”

Jyn runs her hands over his torso, fingers teasing over muscles and rib cage, light as feathers.

Cassian shudders and tilts his head back into the pillow, exposing his neck to her. It’s instinct for her to lean over and kiss the hollow of it, to frame his collarbone with her lips and follow the line of it down to the center of his chest where every stunning heartbeat can be felt against her mouth.

“Jyn,” he groans, hips tilting helplessly upwards again.

It’s possible he’s wanted this for longer than she ever realized, and she understands why he’s trying to slow her down, to take a moment to cool off, but she’s never been the most patient of people and she’s not about to start. “It doesn’t matter,” she tells him, slipping her fingers tentatively towards his belt buckle, waiting to see if he’ll tell her to stop. “I want you.” And she doesn’t care how long this time will last, because they’ve never had much of it anyways. Their paths crossed in life in the briefest flash of starlight and was over before it had even begun. If she had known, she wouldn’t have wasted a second of it doing anything less than exactly what they desired.

Cassian sits up to kiss her, cupping the back of her neck with one hand, knotting his fingers in her hair with the other. He parts her lips with his tongue and the taste of his mouth in hers is enough to make her fingers curl with pleasure against his shoulders.

This time it’s him who stands and reaches for his belt. When a moment later he’s finally free of all his layers and standing naked before her all Jyn can do is lean back for a moment, a slanting, pleased smile forming.

He moves towards her, finds her ear and whispers, “Is this what you wanted, Erso?”

She grips his cock in reply and begins slowly stroking up and down. His eyes snap shut, his breath hitches and he sighs in pleasure, muscles dancing as he loses a modicum of composure and leans into her touch. “I think there’s still a bit more I’d ask of you,” she murmurs.

He doesn’t protest when she removes her hand, maybe it’s because even though he can’t see her, some part of him knows she’s stripping the last of her clothes from her body–though she hopes he doesn’t imagine the shaky hands she has to contend with as she does so.

Her foot brushes his leg as she kicks the last layer away. It is Cassian’s turn to guide her back to the mattress, he hovers over her, arms on either side of her head, his outline defined by a halo of light that streams from the ceiling, as though she is casting shadow onto him, drawing out perfect, beautiful contrasts in each of them.

He bends down and captures her lips with his own with a tenderness that makes Jyn’s soul ache. But she hasn’t forgotten her greater goal, if anything her want has shifted to need, and she’s sure that if she’s forced to wait any longer to have him inside her she’s going to implode.

She reaches down in the space between them until she finds the hard length of him, warm and delightfully stiff in her palm, then urges him down towards her opening, long since gone slick with desire. When he finally pushes into her Jyn tightens, her back arching, and they both gasp.

“Cassian,” she breathes, barely able to form his name as euphoria flashes through her, electric and hot.

It takes a minute before he starts moving again, but when he does, it’s all she can do to hang on as waves of pleasure envelop her with each thrust.

“ Jyn,” he gasps her name as though he is drowning in it, as though he’s forgotten anything else. He swears in that foreign language she’s heard from him before, and she doesn’t need to know what it means to tell he’s enjoying himself just as much as she is.

She shuts her eyes and begins to drift in the sensation emanating from her core, building with each passing second. She scratches at the muscles of his back, holding fast to the solid feel of his body under her touch and he buries himself inside her with more urgency.

Cassian’s breath begins to break, his muscles contracting and she can tell he’s barely able to hold back.

She doesn’t want him to either. “Please,” she moans, her own energy reaching a peak just imagining the way he’ll fall apart.

She places her hand against his chest to feel his racing heart and the touch is enough to send him over the edge, crying her name.

Her eyes fly open at the warmth that he spills inside her and his face is one of such intense ecstasy that it sends a bolt of pleasure straight through her. As he rides out the last waves of his orgasm she slips a finger onto her clit, trembling against him as she continues moving her hips against his until she climaxes too, exquisite pulses of elation flooding her entire body in incredible bursts.

Cassian presses his lips to her left cheek, then her right, brushes her nose, and then meets her mouth with his own in a final searing crush before pulling out and collapsing beside her, chest rising and falling rapidly.

Jyn can’t help the breathy laugh she gives. Did that just happen? she wonders.

But her doubts are erased when Cassian’s arm reaches across the bed to find her waist; when he rolls to his side and pulls her close against his chest, his nose buried in the crook of her neck, his beard brushing her skin as he catches his breath. It feels too safe, too substantial, too wonderful to be a dream or a phantom place like Lah’mu.

Cassian’s arms tighten around her. “Don’t,” his voice breaks on the word as he swallows back the hue of pain that threatens to bleed into his tone. “Don’t go anywhere, okay?” he whispers to her softly, some trace of his fear still remaining despite his efforts to hide it.

The kyber necklace is pressed between them, nestled in the crook between her shoulder blades and his chest, warm and reassuring as ever, a reminder of all that has passed and of all that may come.  

Jyn buries herself deeper into Cassian’s embrace. “I won’t…”