#this isn't even worthwhile rambling this time

[bby-deerling]

Hi!!! Can I request Sanji and Kidd (separate) with a S/O who shows love by making things? For ex. She’d make bracelets or drawings as nothing that comes to mind honestly. If something makes her think of them she would whip it up in no time, she’s always had a knack for crafts! anyways your fics make my day, I love reading them sm! Hope you’re healthy!!

awee nonny, this is so cute! i threw in zoro too bc i looooove him or whatever, i hope that's okay!

one piece men & a s/o who makes them things

ft. zoro, sanji, kid || masterlist

zoro

he isn't very vocal when you give him a gift, but most of the time he simply is at a loss for words. zoro isn't the type to think much about gifts that people give him, but something handmade from you holds a special place in his heart, especially if creating art is related to your dream—to him, it shows dedication, a trait he really admires in you.

will wear any bracelets you give him until they inevitably fall apart from excessive wear and tear or getting accidentally sliced off in battle; at first he simply wears whatever you give him, but after a while he'll gruffly ask you to make the next one black and green.

he's terrible at expressing it, but he enjoys the drawings and paintings you make of him that range from full-fledged pieces to silly doodles. at first, you weren't sure if he was even keeping them, until you find a stack of them at the bottom of his drawer, kept neatly out of harm's way.

sanji

fawns and coos over every scrap of paper and gift you make for him; he loves to show your accomplishments off and brag to anyone who will listen and can't help but ramble on about how talented his lover is with all things crafty.

will wear any piece of jewelry, even if it makes him look absolutely silly. one time you turned a neat looking shell you found on the beach together into a necklace that was far too clunky and large to look good, but he wore it to death anyways, getting emotional every so often as he recalls the memory.

when you redraw his first wanted poster, creating something that both you and he feels is more accurate to his likeness, he falls to a heap on the ground and cries in happiness. the way you capture him, mixed with the care you put into each stroke of your colored pencils melts him into a puddle of lovestruck goo.

kid

one-upping each other with handmade gifts is a not-so-silent competition between you two. he deeply loves and appreciates all of your gifts, in his own clumsy, brutish way, but he can't help but want to return every present you give him with something better.

though he is resolved to knock your socks off and "win" the never-ending competition between you, he also takes it upon himself to help you take your own projects to the next level, even if it sometimes spoils the surprise for him. he teaches you basic metalworking and wire-wrapping to make your handmade jewelry more professional, and has no problem doing some plundering to get his hands on some rare stones for you to use.

some of his favorite times are spent tinkering in his workshop, with him working on a large-scale mechanical engineering project while you diligently make your crafts alongside him. though most of the time you have to yell over to each other to overpower the hum of machinery, spending time hanging out and chatting with you while you both create something worthwhile means the world to him.

[ceilidhtransing]

Here to once again sing the praises of Duolingo (and go on a long ramble about language learning)

I see a fair bit of criticism of Duo that essentially begins and ends with “Duolingo alone won't make you fluent”, stated as if it's obvious that this point alone is enough to totally condemn the app.

The thing is, “Duolingo alone won't make you fluent” is true*, but also a) pretty obvious to most dedicated language learners and b) not nearly enough to automatically render Duolingo not worth using.

[*It's also worth pointing out that “fluency” isn't really a single coherent concept: people can have radically different fluency levels across, for example, reading and speaking; different levels of proficiency can count as “fluent” in different settings depending on the needs of that setting; and not everyone learning a language is even aiming for “fluency” in the first place - though this also leads into a huge can of worms about the somewhat prevalent idea that fluency is the only worthwhile goal for learners and if you're not aiming to be fluent then it's a waste of time, but that's a discussion for another day.]

The value of Duolingo varies a lot by course, but my experience is that even though Duolingo alone won't “make you fluent”, the bigger, better-developed courses can take you a long way. Yes, obviously not to C2 “basically a native speaker” level, but pretty far. And that's personally where I find the app's real value: giving enough of a grounding in a language that other learning materials - short stories, podcasts, conversation groups, etc - become accessible. Of course Duolingo alone isn't going to make you fluent, but for a lot of learners it's an irreplaceable early tool on their journey towards proficiency.

Early on, when your level of knowledge of a language is zero or near-zero, so much of the struggle of learning is a feeling of total overwhelm as you try to figure out how to learn and find a method you'll stick to. Independent learning can feel like walking blindly through a maze of disparate and sometimes contradictory resources, some on grammar, some on vocab, some that say “start speaking immediately!”, some that say “get to grips with these grammar foundations before even trying to speak!”, some that insist there's no replacement for immersion, some that argue that immersion is like being thrown in the deep end and expecting yourself to swim, and this is where so many people burn themselves out. You can't read short stories or listen to podcasts when you know literally nothing of a language, and if you use a random unstructured assortment of materials then you'll probably end up learning grammar concepts in a very random and disconnected and confusing way. Duolingo bridges that early gap between “zero proficiency” and “some proficiency”, providing a structure that says “just keep doing this and you will watch your ability grow”.

Really, I think it's in precisely what “doing this” means that the disagreement arises. It's a very YMMV app, depending on how each person uses it. Someone using Duolingo for >30 minutes a day, making rapid and intense progress through their course, and seeking out alternative sources to clarify bits of grammar that they're confused by is having such a different experience from someone who does one lesson a day just to keep a streak going. Of course someone doing the latter isn't going to be “made fluent” that way - because there is no language-learning material on earth that is going to produce genuine progress with that little time and attention (and frankly there is no material on earth that is a 100% comprehensive standalone course from beginner to fluent and doesn't require any supplementation). Regardless of which material you're using - Duolingo, Babbel, Rosetta Stone, LanguagePod101, a YouTube series, a university course, a textbook, or any of the many other miscellaneous methods - time and attention is basically what it comes down to, and personally, in the beginner-to-intermediate stages of language learning, I've found Duolingo to have a pretty good ratio of “time and attention” to “language progress”.

Ultimately, Duo can be excellent at holding your hand through those early months of language learning, getting you to a point where you don't use “Duolingo alone”, because you now have enough confidence and grounding to supplement with things like short stories and podcasts and conversation partners - things that you would have found unbelievably daunting at the beginning, but that are now accessible to you thanks to a free app that guides you through a clear learning structure. I think that's great.

Zu lang, ich habe nicht gelesen - vielleicht bin ich noch nicht fließend, aber ich kann viel mehr mit Duo als ohne Duo sprechen :)

[windienine]

ugh soulsov on the brain again. spoiler-laden ramble time.

-

i think my favorite part of the game's story overall so far is the really clear dynamic between "person who passively lets himself die" and "person who really, desperately, actively yearns to be alive"

that yearning is ysmé's core character trait. all of her really jarring traits-- the lies, the pageantry, the honest and open disdain for everything about the mosaic-- it's because she desperately wants something better for herself. when she's asked if she's here to save the world, the "yes" that comes out of her isn't mocking or trying to get the moment over with. she wants to save it! the mosaic isn't in imminent danger, but it's rotten from the inside and it makes her angry and desperate enough that she'd do anything to change it!

loïc has a lot of that exact same disdain, just... quieter, kept to a few polite words or his internal monologue. he doesn't like living in a rigid theocracy, and even before things with lia escalated to the point they did the game makes a point that he is not a practicing religious guy, he saw the beating heart of what the mosaic lives on and thinks it sucks.

the difference is that loïc's honest response to this is "the world is a terrible place (though i won't say that openly, it might discourage somebody) and i hope i can make it a bit better-- for somebody, for anybody, for you-- before everything eventually crashes down."

and ysmé's is "fuck you. fuck this. fuck the Church, fuck the tower, everything has to change and if that means setting everything that makes this world recognizable on fire and building something better out of the smoldering ashes then i will be all the happier for it."

loïc lived pretty comfortably in polite society for most of his life until losing his kid made him abruptly fuck off to nowheresville in search of a cure (or, rather, to carve himself up to give to people piece by piece until there was nothing left to lose, yay suicidal tendencies) and whatever the hell is up with ysmé she doesn't even have a surname. girl's a wanted criminal who has gone total scorched earth on everything, even if she hasn't held that status for very long.

and you can't really have positive change unless you have a little of both of these attitudes. loïc's got this understanding that people are worthwhile just because they're people and violence should be avoided whenever possible, and ysmé has a powerful will and an ability to imagine a future where things are better (even if only for her/by her standards.) i want to learn more about what she actually wants out of freedom as a concept. (girl, why are you wanted by the Church? what HAPPENED to you?) the two of them already have a lot to learn from and gain from existing around one another, in terms of compassion and drive, respectively.

alternatively, because things will inevitably get worse with these two before they get better, ysmé fully has the potential to force her (often impersonal and cruel) worldview onto loïc and force him to bloody his hands when the going gets tough, and loïc can sit back and let it happen with a smile on his face because inaction is so much less painful than taking the reins and making his own decisions that will inevitably accomplish nothing and go nowhere like they have for months now. besides, he's already committed to helping her. what's he going to do if she goes too far and actually kills someone this time? decide helping her was meaningless, too?

the prelude's narrative needs you to be in loïc's head, hearing his thoughts, and generally sharing a good deal of his ideas for most of its runtime, but i feel like that's going to change in future chapters as we see more of ysmé's past and perspective.

[ask-the-crimson-king]

The Erebus Short Story

And no, it's not Child of Chaos.

This is "Visage" by Rich McCormick, the advent short story that got released earlier this month.

Welcome to my lore post/review of it. Spoilers are under the Read More.

I will say I do think this is a worthwhile read. For the basic premise, it focuses on Erebus in the aftermath of his face being skinned off in Fear to Tread by Horus, a piece of lore I never thought would get any explanation other than "he's Erebus, how do you think he got his face back?". I won't give much detail other than that, so if you're interested in learning how it was done, give it a read.

I'm going to dig a bit deeper into the story itself, so as said before, spoilers under the cut. This post also became huge because of the quotes, so I apologize.

Hello and welcome everyone who has either read this or don't care to and would like to read my ramblings on the story.

This is not going to be super concise or may not even make a lot of sense; this is mainly going to be me going over the passages I found interesting and talking about them.

First off, this scene;

‘My… lord…’ the chirurgeon managed through a constricted windpipe. ‘I am pleased… to see you have stabilised.’ He squawked – an attempt at a breath – as his face reddened to the colour of the XVII Legion’s armour. ‘Please… rest… that we may begin the process of repairing your wounds.’

Erebus’ lipless mouth was locked in a rictus grin, as if he found the situation perversely amusing.

‘No time,’ the Dark Apostle said, tendons in his cheeks visible as they worked his mouth and tongue. ‘The athame leaves its mark on those it touches.’ He raised the dagger, still clutched in his left hand, its edge hissing gently even now with its master’s own blood. ‘It is simple, chirurgeon. I need a new face,’ Erebus said, as he pulled the man closer to the ruined mask of his own. The chirurgeon could smell the Dark Apostle’s breath, hot and rancid, even over the metallic stench of blood. ‘I will take yours,’ Erebus growled.

‘But, my lord,’ the chirurgeon stammered, falling backwards as Erebus loosened his grip on his neck. He rubbed at his throat, his voice still hoarse. ‘I fear such a procedure would kill me.’

‘Then you must give thanks to the gods directly,’ Erebus said conversationally to the cowering man as he sat up on the stone slab. ‘That your sacrifice may be in my name.’

This initially caught me a bit off guard. My gut reaction was "uh. Hey, Erebus? Don't you have sorcery or something to put your face back on? Also, this is just a human. Isn't this face, y'know, not going to fit your skull??"

And luckily for me, all of these questions get answered.

Erebus examined it. It lacked the full range of intricate tattoos that had decorated his own face, but he could address that later. He could feel the athame’s effects coursing through his body: a grave-cold touch flash-freezing nerve endings as it slowly severed his physical connection to reality.

The mutilation was symbolic, as well as agonising. Stripped of his face, he was stripped also of its web of warding tattoos. Between the athame’s wounds and the constant attention of the Neverborn that he attracted, Erebus knew enough of the diabolic to understand that waiting much longer without those wards would put his life in jeopardy.

This solution would not last – a mortal’s face was not only physically smaller than a Space Marine’s, but also lacked the dense web of blood vessels – but Erebus had ensured that his acolytes were all marked with the same basic warding tattoos as he had been. The face would buy him the time to craft a more fitting solution. Perhaps he could even coerce Fabius to help him, he thought; the Chief Apothecary of the III was a skilled fleshcrafter.

First off, warding tattoos. That's cool. Also gives a bit more purpose than "this is done when one is devoted to the gods/their faith", which I also enjoy, especially because it's just more practicality. I'll definitely be incorporating that into my own lore with my Word Bearers lads moving forward.

Also, what better wards than ones literally etched into your flesh? That's metal as fuck.

Second off, hey, even Erebus acknowledges the face is too small and probably incompatible! And also he thinks about approaching Fabius again which probably would never go well for him. I don't know if he still has the leverage he thought he had now that Horus openly disgraced him. If I remember correctly, the leverage he used against Fabius in Fear to Tread was basically "I'll tell the other Legions you've been experimenting with them, too" and genuinely I don't think Erebus will be listened to by anyone at this point. Lorgar was basically done with him from the first minute he shows up in Betrayer, Horus literally flayed his face off, I think he's fallen from grace here.

And also Fabius is Fabius. I don't think he'd put Erebus's face back on unless there was a really good deal for him or truly at all as a means of

But then we get this, which is both comedic and a bit ridiculous:

For a moment, as the last needle left his body, there was no pain. Erebus allowed his hand to move to his new face, and touched its skin. It was too tight, already splitting along lines of pressure, the capillaries and blood vessels strained to bursting. Erebus smiled, or tried to; his new lips could not move.

‘Behold,’ he said. ‘The new face of your–’

Erebus screamed as his face caught fire. Black flame sparked under the new skin, turning fat and flesh to ash in an instant, a total rejection of the unwilling donor’s gift. The Dark Apostle clawed at his skull, tearing stitches and skin alike as he fought to free himself from the torture.

‘Too late!’ Erebus howled, and he ran from the agony, springing from the stone slab and staggering out of the apothecarion, still scraping with wild fingers at his flaming skull.

It's just funny. The flayed face literally bursts into flames. I don't have much other commentary other than this is ridiculous and hilarious and feels completely on-brand for Erebus. I cannot explain why. This genuinely made me laugh out loud when I read it.

He cannot smile. He can barely speak. He tries to say "behold the new face of your master" or something along those lines and it immediately catches on fire. That's hilarious. Amazing.

Afterwards, he plunges his face into a vat of old and congealed blood from Legionnaires at Isstvan [because of course it's taken from Isstvan, everything will be taken from Isstvan because Isstvan is important. Remember that from now into infinity. Black Library certainly wants you to] and then we get the Blessings of the Gods Any% Speedrun WR attempt as set by Erebus.

Now, I will say before I start yoinking a few more passages, I do not know how to fully feel about this entire thing. On the one hand, I do very much enjoy some of the descriptions used, as I will highlight, but on the other...

The first portion with him dealing with the Lord of Change [assumedly] was something that I liked. Not just because I do very much enjoy Tzeentch, but mainly due to a few key descriptions:

‘Then lend me your eyes,’ Erebus asked.

No, a million voices said. They screamed it and shouted it, bellowed it and whispered it, laughed it and sneered it and spat it.

All except one. Small, quiet, almost imperceptible in the cacophony of its peers, it spoke a different word.

Yes, it said.

If he had a face, Erebus’ mouth would have slid into a predator’s smile.

‘See, daemon? There is always another path,’ he said.

[. . .]

A bird, flying impossibly through the void, so small, so fragile against the infinite black. It beat its wings to escape, but Erebus knew the realm of daemons better than any other alive, and he caught it easily. He cradled it in his tattooed hands. It was tiny in his grasp, like a child’s toy, and he could feel its heartbeat: an irregular rhythm that was never the same twice. The bird looked at him with eyes like gemstones, one the purest blue, the other topaz yellow.

A name.

‘Your kind cannot resist sharing your knowledge,’ Erebus said. ‘So you hide it, somewhere small, somewhere hard to find.’ He stroked the bird’s plumage with his thumb. ‘But I am very good at finding things that others cannot, and I am very patient. I also know the most important question to ask.’

He asked that question now, and held the bird to his ear, to hear its answer. It spoke a single word with a single voice, as quiet as a wish.

Erebus would have smiled, had he possessed lips. Instead, with a skull’s rictus grin, he snapped the bird’s neck with two fingers, and spoke the word it had told him.

I love this description. I love the frailty of the tiny bird, I love the instance of "quiet as a wish", I love how Erebus calls out the daemon for wanting to spread information, it's wonderful. I love all of the above.

What I don't really like is that the majority of this Tzeentchian venturing has been done before. Winged Astartes through a daemon realm? Mephiston did that on Sortiarius in City of Light. The many paths thing? I think there's been at least five or six different instances of that happening. And while I do like how Erebus is presented as being a bit more savvy than others would be -- actively saying "No, I'm not choosing a path cause that damns me" -- he then kinda goes back on this?

‘You seek to contain me in a trap of my own making. I know this trick, daemon. I have walked such paths many times before, with others of your kind,’ Erebus said.

No trick, the voices chorused in return. A path to what might be – a path to what has come. We can show you the possibilities, but you must make the choice. You are the instrument.

‘Entertain me, then. How will I play your game?’ Erebus asked.

This is just weird. Why include this if he's immediately going to just... go along with what the daemon wants anyway?? To show the reader "oh he's done this before"? Maybe I'm nit-picking here, but I do consider myself a Tzeentchian connoisseur when it comes to 40k lore, and I would've liked to see something a bit different to just "walk the paths of fate, ooOoOOo" yet again. It feels a bit one-trick and, ironically enough, pigeon-holed.

I think what I would've liked to see would maybe be Erebus thrown into a facsimile of a library on Colchis, probably one of Vharadesh's archives if we want to keep the whole "your first choices were here" thing going on. Have him peruse the volumes and dig for the answers he seeks that way. It's something more associated with the Thousand Sons, but I think it could work as a better motif than the exhaustively used "walk the paths of fate and see how you failed ooga booga".

Again, might be nit-pickish, but I like Tzeentch content. And I don't hate all of this section, I do enjoy the descriptions as mentioned before. I also think the library or archive would work better since Erebus is calling out the daemon for some part of itself always wanting to share that secretive knowledge.

SOMETHING. I like playing to the knowledge aspect of Tzeentch, and I'd like to see it used outside the Thousand Sons for once.

I've gone on long enough about this, so I'm going to move on.

From Tzeentch to Khorne as Erebus comes face-to-face with a massive Bloodthirster guarding countless skulls on Terra. I don't have a lot of notes on this other than the Bloodthirster reads a lot like one of my player's character from a Black Crusade game I ran and that felt funny to me.

Also, brief aside, from basically here-on Erebus is constantly referred to as "the instrument" and due to me being strange and having internet brainrot at times, I keep associating it with the TOOL from Petscop. If you know you know.

Another aside, Erebus is completely naked in the scene for reasons that I don't really get. Maybe to show he is vulnerable? Is this a subversion of the armored warrior thing? Is it to get Erebus to admit he is vulnerable in the face of this massive daemon? It's probably something along those lines. I found it an interesting enough detail to log in my mind as he talks with the beast and eventually gets its name. I don't have much else to really say, Khorne stuff isn't my forte.

Now, I will comment before continuing; on my first read through, I thought this was not only filling in the gap of "how did Erebus get his face back?", but also filling the gap of "who are the four princes/greater daemons he summons to use against Erda in Warhawk?". I'm still 30/70 on whether these daemons are the very same, but leaning more on the "probably not, it's just a coincidence" side.

Still an interesting thought.

Okay. To preface what is next, it's time for Slaanesh. From the heavy handed, "I know many secrets", it's probably a Keeper of Secrets in the form of a snake. Hurray for fellow snake enthusiasts everywhere.

I have a lot of thoughts over the following scene, which I will try to articulate as well as I can. Due to the length of it, I'm going to showcase it in screenshots instead, with appropriate image descriptions attached.

There's a lot to go through. First of all, Erebus is told all men desire and then gets shown Horus.

That is simply funny. Erebus does like the Warmaster. But I don't buy his "he's chosen by the Pantheon so I trust him as their champion" thing. I don't think that's the true reason why he doesn't strike here. For one, he knows this is an obvious test of wills and limits, and he knows that he can't fail it or else he's probably done for. For two, if we take all that he is into account, Erebus isn't really... super into power grabs for himself. He likes to play the role of manipulator, he likes to pluck off the limbs of scorpions until he gets stung. That's how I've been reading him, anyway. He still absolutely wants power, but he knows how to get it without necessarily centering everything on him, if that makes any sense.

He says it in "Child of Chaos", how everyone will eventually turn back to him again. He KNOWS people will still need him and his abilities and expertise and that they'll always come back eventually. He'll always have a seat of power that is greater and grander than many others, they just won't know it because he knows how to veil it in the glories of another.

No idea if that made any sense, but there's more to this scene I want to unpack.

I do like the detail of Erebus's new eyes also assisting him in clearing his head. The athame -- or really the daemon -- is trying to push him to get vengeance for all the humiliation Erebus has suffered, but the eyes he received from his time with the Tzeentchian daemon helps him to see things more clearly. I like that a lot. Using the gifts of the others to better survive the next trial ahead.

I also like how Horus just completely goes for the throat with Erebus. It speaks to all his assumed insecurities, that Horus never needed him, that he's so far beneath the true chosen of the Pantheon, etc. etc. I can't really tell if these are genuine insecurities for Erebus or whether this is just the daemon assuming they are, much like we the reader may. I think Erebus is a bit more assured than this, but we don't really get much of a peak behind the curtain to how he's really thinking or feeling. I do think this is a deliberate writing choice, however, so I won't knock on it too much. Would I have liked to see a bit more of what he was feeling in this moment? Sure, but Erebus as a character would never show that. Leaving one guessing is the best outcome for him.

Afterwards, Erebus shuns a gift of some weird... blood? in a cup, grabs the serpent, gets the name and obtains a tongue. We also are given this description:

‘I grant you my tongue, that you may savour this gift,’ the serpent whispered, euphoria in its voice. Erebus felt the organ flick against his ear, the softest touch of breath on skin.

And the mental image of a pink snake going blelele against Erebus's cheek is adorable. Also, "the organ". I don't know why but that made this all the more funny.

Moving past the snake, we come to the last of the Big Four, Nurgle. And this is the one place that surprisingly almost overwhelms the Hand of Destiny.

But how? You may be asking. Well, dear reader, it is through a most enticing luxury few others can afford:

‘Lost, are you?’ the helmswoman asked. ‘It’s easy to get lost out here, traveller. Come with me, I can give you a place to rest.’

Her voice was warm and comforting, at odds with her appearance, and he found himself drawn to it.

‘This place is my test,’ Erebus said.

‘Hush now, traveller. You must be tired. You have come such a long way.’

[. . .]

 a cabin that rose from the swamp on teetering wooden stilts. Its interior was damp, and clumps of quivering moss could be found clinging to several surfaces, but Erebus found it strangely comfortable. He decided he would heed the woman, and rest a while before continuing his travels, and he took residence in a spare room with a cot that seemed uniquely designed for his proportions. He fell asleep quickly.

When he awoke, the woman was in his room. Her skin was pockmarked with sores that wept a thin yellow liquid.

‘Did you rest well?’ she asked in her warm voice.

‘I did,’ Erebus said, and he meant it. His sleep had been so deep, so pure, that it had cleansed his mind of his previous trials, wiping it clean of pain, of anger, of impetus. So deep that he found it difficult to recall how he had arrived in this place. ‘I came here for a purpose,’ he said slowly.

‘It cannot have been important, if you have forgotten it,’ the woman said, a wide smile spreading across her bleeding lips. ‘Come, drink,’ she said, and offered a wooden bowl of viscous liquid. Erebus accepted the bowl without question, and tipped its contents down his throat. The liquid was as warming as the woman’s voice, and he felt his concerns slide away as its effects reached his limbs.

It's the power of a very good nap and a homemade meal. And he stays here for a very long time. He just naps and rests and is given good hearty Nurgly stew.

I very much enjoy this depiction of Nurgle. This could've easily been a "walk through the Gardens, become wracked with pain that the Grandfather can alleviate" or something, but instead it takes the comforting aspect of the Grandfather's influence and really goes a very good job portraying it.

And yet Tzeentch got the cliche "walk through the paths of your failures past and future" no I am not going to be spiteful and petty I am NOT biased I promise [lies].

What eventually breaks him out of this state is his hunting trips -- he goes out to find food for him to eat, having forgotten what else he needed to do. He gets told to stop his hunting and to just let go, and after he awakens from sleep yet again, his companion is missing. So he decides to go through the kitchen, and eventually finds his face:

He was prepared to return to his cot, when he caught sight of a red mess of a shape in the reflective copper surface of a saucepan hung from a hook on the wall. As he moved, it moved, and he realised that it was his own face. His face, mauled and mutilated, maimed and disfigured.

He saw the Warmaster, his talons red with transhuman blood, and the contentment that filled his soul dissipated. It was replaced by a cold fury.

The woman returned a moment later, a crop of mushrooms clutched between her fingers. Erebus manoeuvred his bulk to bar her way.

‘You cannot hold me here, daemon,’ he thundered, staring into her milky eyes.

‘I do not hold you here,’ she said, her voice as clear as ever. ‘You may leave, if you have somewhere else to go.’

‘You think that I will forget my calling? I am Erebus – the Dark Apostle, the instrument of the gods.’

‘Names are meaningless,’ the woman said. ‘Death carries names beyond remembrance, and death conquers all.’

Erebus then makes an attempt to kill her, but this being the realm of Nurgle [and also the warp], such thing is meaningless. But he's gotten his clarity back. He's not a nameless traveller staying with a decaying granny in a swamp, he's Erebus again.

Mostly. He does offer to try and help her, if he is here for all eternity, and she tells him of a rare plant on the edge of the swamp. Of course, Erebus has trouble finding it without a nose, so he asks for one and is granted it.

Which then leads to a scene that I found funny for all the wrong reasons:

Under moss and dirt, beneath dead leaves and dying wood, Erebus uncovered a well.

It was built from bricks, their edges rounded with age, and he wasn’t sure if it was still functional, but as he slid the metal covering back, he saw the reflection of his mutilated face staring back at him in clear water. He reached in and cupped a hand of that water to his mouth. It was fresh, cold and sweet – a sliver of purity in a tainted land.

He filled a canteen with the water, and returned to the cabin. When the woman appeared with her own liquid, Erebus rejected it, drinking deep from the well water instead. The sight of it made the woman screech in fear.

‘What is it?’ she howled.

‘Water,’ Erebus said.

‘No!’ she screamed. ‘It is poison!’

He turned the canteen over in his hands, watching as the woman recoiled in fear. He allowed a drop of the water to fall from the canteen’s cap, watching intently as it fizzed and popped against the slime-green floor. As the smoke cleared, Erebus saw a tiny circle of brown amongst the green: the rotten wood returned to health.

The woman cowered in the corner of her hovel, a shivering corpse of a creature made somehow more pitiful. Erebus laughed.

‘Now, daemon, it is your turn to drink.’

Water is poison. Clean water is poison. In a Warhammer short story.

This is just hilarious. Completely unintentionally so, probably, but it is very, very funny that water is being used as a way to defeat a daemon in Warhammer. Something something the rule for showering in Yu-Gi-Oh! tournaments.

I do like that the well even exists, and that it took getting the gift to use it against the very daemon who was trapping him there. After days of bathing her with well-water from the canteen, eventually he gets the name from her, and he's finally out and free.

And he's got a new face:

He brought his hand upwards, feeling at the meat of his face, and found a shifting, squirming mass of flesh. He rose, and called to his acolytes.

‘Mirror!’

A hooded figure returned with a jewel-embedded mirror, its silver handle carved with runes. Erebus looked into its depths, and saw the reward of his trials: not just the services of powerful allies, but the power of the Four, represented in the visage of one.

He had seen this before – as a child, in the deserts of Colchis. Now that prophecy had come true.

Eyes that could see futures yet to pass. Ears that rang with the beat of the Blood God’s war drums. A mouth that ached for the rarest tastes. A nose for death in all its forms. With his new face, Erebus smiled.

And that ends the short story. I like it, overall. I do have my gripes with it, but I think one of the things that really stands out for me is the use of description here. I really enjoyed the word choices used.

I think this story could have handled a couple of the god-things a bit better, but I'm also a bit nitpicky when it comes to Chaos aspects. I would like to see some more diversity in the representation of Chaos as a whole, because a LOT of it does feel a bit one-trick-y, and we saw a bit of that, which I will take.

I would have liked to see a bit more into Erebus's head. I know this is third limited, but even through that lens we can see a lot about someone. Here it felt a bit more like physical reactions than mental ones. It felt like we were barred off from seeing more, but I also think this is probably by design, as I mentioned before. Erebus, as a character, wouldn't want anyone seeing more than just surface level. We see what we want him to see. He doesn't want us to know how he really felt during his trials and tribulations, we have to make those assumptions ourselves and live with them. Same with all the decisions he makes through the story.

Overall, not bad. I liked it well enough, and I think this is some competent writing and a good enough answer to a question I think most people shrugged off.

I hope you enjoyed my various ramblings and nit-pickings, I'm terribly sorry this post got so long. There was a lot I wanted to talk about and I'm curious to see if others agree or disagree or what their thoughts were about it.

[achillesreborn]

my tips for uni! <3

psa: whilst I am both loving & succeeding at my university, I am by no means a perfect student or top of my classes; take everything I say with a pinch of salt & realism <3

attendance is everything; this is incredibly hypocritical of me, as my current attendance is really low (mental health & sads mostly), but if there's one thing i've learned it's that nothing can quite match the feeling of a lecture hall. even if you're not taking notes or plan on catching up later, go to the lectures. at least you'll get out of the house for a bit!

stay on top of work; fairly obvious, but so important. with the increased workload, keeping up with lectures & assignments can be really overwhelming. schedule yourself, give yourself breaks & try to complete everything before the deadline to minimise stress. but remember, late work is better than no work.

take care of yourself. seriously. not just skincare & smoothies, actually look into who you are & what keeps you going. take the time to understand what you enjoy, what calms you down & what keeps you focused. sometimes self care isn't easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is.

try not to obsess over what comes next. univeristy is a short time, mostly 3-4 years for the average student, but that time is so intense that it'll feel like forever. your school wants you to succeed after you graduate, it looks bad when you don't, so talk to your academic advisors & professors, but don't panic.

push yourself to make friends. it isn't easy, it can be really hard to get yourself out there, but attend some clubs you find interesting & fake that extrovertism until you make it. trust me, the loneliness & isolation has driven away plenty of incredibly competent & strong students. be kind to those you meet, you might be the only one trying.

keep a diary & an academic planner. the planner to stay up to date, to structure your life, but the diary for rambling, venting, poetry, etc. get it out of your head, it might help you sleep. be vulgar, be messy. it's yours & yours alone.

sleep is vital, protect it. it'll be the first thing to go, so be strict with yourself whenever possible.

you're better than you think. struggling is normal & the worst thing you can do is pretend you're not. ♡♡

[noisytenant]

i guess in the hobbyist-but-paid creative space i would like if there were some standard of "professionalism"--Nothing to do with acting like an office drone, but still establishing clear expectations and values, especially when you're doing something that involves someone's time and/or money

Among things like labels and event organizers, there's already several groups that fail my expectations for simply failing to deliver what they set out to do: not paying out, not publishing albums on time/correctly, producing low-quality or delayed physical releases, not preparing for events, not communicating updates with artists, etc.

I really feel like if you can't deliver on these expectations you should reconsider starting a semiprofessional initiative. a lot of things can be done for the love of it, so this isn't to say you can't just dick around, but you ought to make it clear whether you're playing or you're actually trying to build something even if you never expect it to achieve any meaningful scale. i think being mindful of peoples' time, energy, and money is worthwhile in both professional and social contexts.

then there's the whole issue of interpersonal troubles and managing them... i feel like certain folks are very quick to cut ties with artists, deleting or reconfiguring albums, in the worst of cases boosting or referencing callouts on highly public/semiprofessional channels, and i think that's not really something that should be done lightly (and some of it shouldn't really be done at all). if you can't keep yourself from idolizing or vilifying people on a dime, you're probably not a good fit to be running something like a label or event group where you affect peoples' creative connections, schedules, and money.

all this said, i generally feel safer within a more "permissive" space that leaves the sorting of interpersonal conflicts to constituents, but it can be hard to feel "at home" when you don't really get to choose the people you're bumping elbows with and might actually really dislike and disagree with a lot of them.

i guess what i wish would be made clear is that while a lot of people working together creatively are friendly or even friends, there's a line between the "professional" and "social" settings. it isn't that odd in a "professional" context to be kind of blunt or to keep people at a distance, but in a social setting it's perceived as a greater slight and a mood killer.

perhaps autistically i wish that people would pick one: are you trying to make a "community of friends" who happen to do creative things together, or are you trying to make a "creative space" for people who might become friendly with each other?

this is a ramble without any specific conclusion, i guess i just wish it were easier to collect people with common interests and establish expectations without being overly prescriptive or punitive. i've been in some small spaces where i feel decently about the folks, but then it's onto my own personal problems with relating to others. who knows. maybe someday i'll figure it out

[lastoneout]

you absolutely do not need to respond if you don't want to but how does the "everything feels worse because i'm finally healing" differ from "everything feels worse because things really are that bad currently"? i always wonder if there's a way to tell them apart. glad you're getting recovering!

Imo the difference so far, is that back when I was still in an unsafe place that was making my trauma worse, between the hysterical sobbing meltdowns I just felt so....normal. I would freak out and break sometimes, but after that I would feel weirdly fine. Or even at times like I didn't have emotions at all? It was like my brain was going "there is no war in ba sing se" to protect me and keep me from freaking out too bad, and like it kinda was! My major coping mechanism has always been ignoring my emotions and shoving them all in a box until they aren't bothering me anymore. And when I was in those shitty situations that was helpful, because I needed to keep myself alive and I wasn't going to be able to do that if I was a sobbing mess all the time.

Also, the one time it got really, really bad, like I was so deep in a traumatic situation it was clearly just completely destroying me, I really did feel like that part in Inside Out where Riley's console just goes dark and none of her emotions can press any buttons. There was this overwhelming sense of dread and misery, and I could barely take care of myself at all. I stopped going to school and showering and I barely ate anything, I didn't talk to my friends, and tbh I did some stuff that I am SUPER not proud of, bcs my brain legit wasn't working at all, and it wasn't until I got out that I started feeling like a person again.

The pain of healing never feels like that. Yes, I am in a bad mental space a lot of the time, I'm depressed and I have nightmares that make me legit so depressed I spend the whole day crying, but there's like...idk this undercurrent of function and focus that wasn't there before. I can keep doing things WHILE being sad(for the most part), instead of only being able to function when I am repressing everything. And tbh it really does feel like I don't have a choice in the matter, which sounds bad but it's kinda nice? Like my brain is done repressing things and isn't going to let me do it anymore. Every time I try it's almost like there's a firm but kind voice in my head saying "no, we can't do that anymore, you have to face this, it's okay".

It's kinda weird too bcs the deeper into healing I get the less my old coping mechanisms help. Hell most of them don't even work anymore. As an example my mom got into a car wreck recently and she was in the hospital for a while, and when I found out I tried to go into my "no feelings no nonsense we have to be strong now" mode, but it didn't work?? I spent the whole time I was there crying, and like!! I actually was happy I was crying!! Because I've never been able to do that!! It's such a weird thing to be happy I'm upset but like, it means I'm making progress.

And that makes every single moment of misery bearable because I know I need this. I've needed this my entire life, and it hurts and is scary, and sometimes I do have to just zone out and play video games or spend a day in bed being sad, but I just...know it's the right thing. Idk how else to explain it, I just know.

It also helps that now I know what a happy, safe life looks like and I know it's there waiting for me. I know this work is worthwhile because I don't want to live my life the way I used to. And I am in a happy, supportive relationship that actively inspires me to work on myself and be a better person. I know not everyone has that, but framing it in a way where I am trying to be better not just for myself but for the people I love helps give me that extra bit of strength I need to keep going.

Anyway this is kinda rambly, sorry, but I did want to answer. If anyone else has any advice for anon feel free to add it on!! I have to go to therapy now lmao but when I'm done if I think of anything else I'll add it!

[heimdallsram]

hi ! do you have any thoughts about kratos and heimdall together? i love your writing and am very interested on your take on this interesting n odd pair!

Hello! And my, this is a hard one, isn't it?

No matter how you slice it, this would be a difficult pairing from the get-go. Heimdall is... very much a representation of a younger Atreus that never grew up, in a sense. At least that's how I see it! I've noted his vanity, shallowness, and superiority/inferiority complex before, so I'll move past that, and say that Heimdall is a foil to and for Atreus.

That said--it could work. But Heimdall would have to go through some serious personality and mental growth before Kratos would ever, presumably, entertain even the thought of something more than pity and/or hatred regarding him. You could also say he may feel some regret for the way he lost control during their fight that had resulted (as thought) in Heimdall's death and, in his own way, may make it up to him.

Or... perhaps, Heimdall develops something of a death wish. Why should he have survived if he failed? Odin was dead, he has no purpose in life without him, so he deliberately seeks Kratos out to force him to kill him permanently this time.

You could easily draw parallels to Baldur, here.

But since we're talking about the relationship aspect and my thoughts on it, I'll stop rambling about how I think it could work canon-wise. 😅

• They're dysfunctional at best, polar opposites at worst. Kratos is stern, gruff, takes no bullshit; Heimdall is all bullshit, mouthy, defensive--it would be the first thing Kratos would have to train out of him to expose the deeper issues he has. Being a father would mellow him out enough for him to understand where Heimdall's coming from, but only just.

• Heimdall runs his mouth. Kratos would barely tolerate it before his temper would get the better of him, especially in the beginning stages.

• Kratos would no doubt see Heimdall as a way to right the wrong he committed in almost killing him and losing control. Despite how unbearable the man can be, I think Kratos would see the benefit in returning him to something worthwhile that does not depend on his now dead father's approval.

• Loneliness. Assuming Mimir takes up his torch with Sigrun, Kratos will be alone for the majority of the time post-Ragnarök. With Freya only able to join his journeys every so often due to issues within Vanaheim, this would be the perfect place to introduce Heimdall as a sort of growth experiment. He would have to learn to do things he never had to when in Asgard, and the hard way.

• Without his arm, Heimdall's esteem would tank drastically. His foresight would be of no aid to him there. Kratos could bond with him through these things, teach him to use a weapon, as he would no doubt have experience teaching maimed warriors to fight in some way. (And if not, perhaps he takes on a particular side quest regarding just that.)

• But, when all is said and done, you must consider Faye. She was a large part of Kratos' restructuring within the Norse lands and it cannot be easily brushed aside. Heimdall would be snide about her existence, expressing distaste of her giant heritage. Kratos would, without a better phrase, need to show him who's in charge. And no, that's not an innuendo haha.

• This relationship has a high chance of turning toxic. I'd throw a guess out there and say around 90% if Heimdall doesn't change his ways and 100% if Kratos starts slipping, because Heimdall reminds him too much of a certain Greek God he had killed long ago.

• I really don't think it would be sunshine and rainbows. There would be happy spots, yes, but Heimdall does not seem to be able to coexist in a family unit, especially one so heavily marked by those he considers wronged his father. And if he did try, he would have periods of running away, but would return.

• It's a very complicated question of: will he? Can Heimdall change enough to be something better for himself and not just Kratos? Enough to keep a relationship with the man, to boot?

• Heimdall would struggle with the idea of a non abusive fatherly figure, especially through the lens that he sees Kratos interact with Atreus. He would need to get over that quickly or any chance of this working implodes fantastically.

• Don't get me wrong, Kratos would have to put in a lot of work alongside Heimdall to make it somewhat stable. And I think it could be, with time and effort, and eventually be something based on love, but truly... I think we all know it would be sparked by the sexual tension that arises between the two.

So, with all this in mind, I think it could work! But anyone who writes it would have to have some consideration for Heimdall's issues, his new existence as a disabled god, and Kratos' slip up. 🤔

I hope this was helpful! This was actually a really tough question for me and I enjoyed it immensely. And thank you for being a fan of my writing 🥰

[creepy-crowleys]

Venting, rambling, you know the drill, I'm sure.

I’m scared.

It feels ridiculous to think about when there are so many seismic, life-changing, world-altering events going on in mine and so many other people’s lives. This is all so minor and selfish in comparison.

My aunt abused me for most of the time I lived with her.

Ha… I doubt that’s much of a revelation to a lot of people here but… It’s hard to say. She could have been so much worse than she was. She… Well. Mostly she didn’t like me very much, haha.

It feels small and stupid to complain. But.

She abused me. I was abused.

Nothing I did would ever be right or enough in her eyes. I was ruined and ugly, an expense she’d taken on because nobody else would have bothered. The least I could do was be grateful and try to make myself useful.

When my family and I were attacked, after everything happened… I cracked my head open pretty good. There were concerns that I wouldn’t be… ‘Right’ after. I know I struggled sometimes; I couldn’t always keep the real world separate from my nightmares and I got confused and lost easily for a long while.

It was difficult. And I'm fighting myself even now to not say that it was difficult on her, like it was perfectly fair and normal for me...!

I've never seen her angrier than the night I tried to kill myself. And then we never left again. I couldn't be trusted to take care of myself and not to abandon her. She hated me so much, haha!

I want to be better than she was.

I don’t know where to start.

I thought maybe I had an idea once, and I thought I was doing the right things. But. I don’t know. Everything ended so badly, and I still can’t identify what I should have done better to even begin trying to fix myself.

So... I'm scared.

I don't want to be looked at the way he did the last saw him by anyone I love ever again. I don't want to be caught up in this cycle I've ended up in. I want to be able to promise something worthwhile if... if my family ever wants something more. If 'family' is even what anyone wants.

But wanting to break the cycle isn't enough. Loving someone isn't enough. And if I ever let myself think that maybe something is enough, then I'm probably ignoring something important and I'm going to fuck it all up again.

I don't know how to begin patching holes I can't even see.

I don't know where I'm going with any of this either. Ha.

[reaperlight]

please tell me more about your 616/Sonyverse crossover ideas that you rambled about here, I want to know more 🙏

(also NEVERRRR apologize for lots of tags, you and I have been in this Venom fandom doing CPR on it intermittently for the last like 5+ years at minimum. we are in this TOGETHER)

@kitausuret

Oh it's not much more than just a half-formed concept, really. One of a billion ideas on the backburner. 😳

The notion is just that instead of the canon ending of Venom 2, one of Doctor Strange's portals open up and Cletus, Frances, and Carnage end up falling into the 616 universe during 616 Carnage's debut and Maximum Carnage.

Carnage informs them they are in another universe.

It quickly dawns on them all that no one knows them here, and it's the early 90s--its like the years they lost to horror and imprisonment they just got back. They are ecstatic at the notion that they can actually live their lives here for real this time.

And people with powers are everywhere here, right out in the open and not getting rounded up by shady government agencies (at least not to their knowledge) so it feels like a fresh start in every way.

Carnage ensures that they won't want for money because all bills are being sent to the first megacorp they came across (which happened to be Oscorp which will no doubt cause problems later but that's a problem for their future selves).

* The Custody Dispute and first contact with the Heroes

They rescue a baby who was thrown off a roof (by a certain SOMEONE) because it's distressing Frances.

When a guy in red and blue spandex shows up and demands the kid they initially refuse because like hell they're going to trust some random weirdo in spandex who just tried to attack them.

How do they know he didn't toss the kid off the roof himself?

Only when Venom arrives do they open up lines of communication.

"...Eddie? Eddie Brock?"

It's Eddie, but different. Not their Eddie. That quickly becomes apparent. But while they chat the guy in the red and blue bondage gear stops attacking them so it seemed worthwhile.

Venom: "You know us?"

Cletus: "We do. We know you, hero. A man of honor, champion of the little guy."

(Not really, he'd trusted Eddie and he stabbed them in the back with that article but this Eddie seemed to be eating it up.)

But it seemed they might have made a friend.

Cletus had wanted to be his Eddie's friend but that hadn't turned out too well.

Back in their world their Venom was gonna bite their head off and their Eddie was going to let them.

Still they trust this Eddie more than they trust the spider weirdo--they are at least familiar even if it isn't their Eddie and Venom but they refuse to give them the kid too.

(Later when they get to know more about Eddie and Peter and the things this Eddie has done, they come to like Peter better. And sure it might be hypocritical to scold Eddie about MJ when he had kidnapped Anne but Frances had told him, shown him it was WRONG and hurting innocents was too much. So if it was wrong for him, it was wrong for others to do it too.)

Right now though they don't really trust either of them. And after years of incarceration, they all know better than to needlessly give out information. Only Eddie had ever made Cletus want to open up about his past--he would not make that mistake again.

They don't give them their real names and Cletus, Frances, and Carnage look different enough from 616 counterparts that Eddie and Peter don't immediately make the connection. They think it is yet another symbiote and host.

(Peter, whining: why did it have to be symbiotes?)

Venom notices that this man's symbiote feels oddly familiar but they know it's but not their spawn, not the one they were pursuing so at first they assume another symbiote somehow found its way to Earth.

Frances and Cletus negotiate the return of the child they'd only give the kid to the kid's family or guardian and only if the family or guardian wasn't hurting him.

Both Spidey and Venom mellow out somewhat when it becomes apparent they don't want to hurt the kid, just want to make sure he's safe. They were just concerned citizens who somehow, inexplicably didn't trust Spider-man (thanks J.J.) It's not like this is Carnage....

Meanwhile Frances proclaims that if a suitable parent or guardian wasn't found they'd raise him themselves if we have to.

(Cletus felt ice in his veins at the notion. Family, its all he ever wanted. But... what if he was like his dad? His family? He never learned any better...)

Eventually Shriek does hand the kid over to his mom.

The standoff ends and Spider-guy and this world's Eddie went off to pursue the guy that tossed the baby off the roof.

They thought that would be the end of it.

They resume their extradimensional honeymoon and eventually find and buy a nice house in upstate New York with Norman Osborn's money to play house in (except this was real, wasn't it? Cletus wanted it to be. He'd wanted this for so long... except he was still him and there was a monster inside of him, a beast that wasn't Carnage but was all him wanted out to taste the moonlight).

And that Spider-guy and not-their-Eddie seem to be keeping tabs on them. Spying on them...

Cletus and Frances are just trying to play house and pretend to be normal but they still have issues and being stalked by the Spidey and Venom isn't helping.

Eddie and Peter are still keeping tabs on them, suspicious...

(Eddie and Venom are spared from betrayal and Ravencroft of 616 in this au because Peter figures he might still need him against this mystery symbiote. Maybe the stranger mentioning that they knew a Venom who was an honorable guy also shames Peter into not being a total backstabbing tool. Maybe there was more to Venom than he thought... or maybe he was just a dick. Peter against his better judgment is becoming closer to his frenemy as they work this case together but also feels guilty because MJ would never approve.)

Even later when other heroes vouch for Cletus and Frances and their symbiote there are unanswered questions and they are uncooperative...

The Issues

-Carnage is bored but Cletus is still pissed at [him/her]* for hurting Frances and almost getting them killed.

Carnage: Why are you mad? 🥺 I am just a little creature. I cannot change this. 🥺

(*Carnage eventually asks to be called she/her like their 616 counterpart. While Carnage doesn't really have a gender Cletus is nicer when he thinks of Carnage as a woman. While he doesn't treat her like Frances like she'd hoped he would there are fewer cutting remarks coming her way...)

Frances is more forgiving of Carnage because she acknowledges she was hurting her with her powers without meaning to and Red also did save both their lives. But Carnage is on thin ice and knows it and quickly learns not to have verbal arguments with Cletus within her earshot.

Frances never learned to control her powers on account of being stuck in a box.

(They end up having to repair a lot of windows and deal with a lot of noise complaints.)

Also Cletus still feels the urge to kill. He was always a killer with or without the monster but the monster certainly wasn't helping matters...

Carnage manages to assuage some of their anger at her by healing and soothing Frances's injuries in the immediate aftermath of the red wedding and in doing so becomes resistant to sonics when he copies Frances's immunity to her own power so no longer has that issue. But there are others--Carnage is bored and jealous and doesn't feel appreciated. And it takes a while for Cletus and Frances to warm up to him/her again. For the most part they just try to live their lives, ignoring the parasite as best they can...

Still for Cletus and Frances, compared to their life before, it's almost perfect.

Frances wants kids.

Cletus goes from disbelief to gratitude. Only later comes terror as it occurs to him that he is screwed up, that his whole idea of family is screwed up. What if he was like his family to them... or worse?

Worried about the prospect he might hurt his family, Cletus seeks professional help.

He didn't know if anyone could help him, he was probably beyond help, but he wanted to at least try, for Frances's sake, for the sake of their family.

He wouldn't make her go though, given her experience with so-called therapists he wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to but he felt he needed this. He couldn't be falling back into bad habits and he still hadn't even processed this whole thing with Carnage...

As luck would have it a name popped up on the Internet immediately--renowned in the field of psychiatry and an advocate for mutant rights and his institute was like right next door...

Asking for help isn't easy but ironically enough he'd gotten better about it because of Carnage.

"I'm trying to find someone who can help me. I didn't... I didn't know this place was a school."

He shouldn't be here.

Cletus panics when he learns the man is a telepath but then learns he can't read his thoughts. They're just too alien.

But he was going to need to tell him anyway, what he was, at least some of it, if he hoped to get help...

It would have been easier if Xavier could have just pried it from his brain.

Nightcrawler: "You're not the first killer he's helped find new purpose."

Carnage: That doesn't sound creepy at all.

Whatever. He needed to do this. He'd do it if he could protect Frances from himself...

Carnage: This could be a cult as far as you know.

Cletus: Xavier was your find, your idea.

Carnage: And now I'm regretting it... we're not wearing blue and yellow.

It turns out Dr. Charles Xavier can and does help him, the X-men help him figure out Carnage too, and they can help Frances learn to control her powers.

The X-men offer to help him to learn to bond and cooperate with Carnage or seperate them if they'd prefer.

Cletus seriously considers separation before Carnage grovels and promises to do better for both him and Frances.

Cletus and Carnage actually bond as they learn to listen to each other and Carnage learns to appreciate Frances.

The X-men let them use the Danger Room whenever they need it and so far against impossible odds they have managed to avoid murder in this place.

He's never had luck like this before. He wants to just be happy here with Frances, with Carnage. But he keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop...

Then it does.

When the two Carnages eventually meet Cletus is horrified and absolutely hates his counterpart.

Cletus is haunted by the notion that that monster shares his name. It shouldn't bother him so much--he already shared his surname with three other monsters. But the notion that that could actually be him... He has plenty of screws loose but how could he ever end up like THAT?

Only later does he realize that unlike him, his counterpart never had an angel come save him, he had no one. Only then does he muster a sliver of compassion but then 616!Cletus views the other as soft and weak, not having the guts to see his vision, and tries to kill Shriek when he realizes she's the reason for his "weakness" leading to absolute well... Carnage by her enraged husband. A no-holds barred beatdown as Peter tries to prevent him from killing his counterpart...

[jkl-fff]

Barbie Movie Ramblings (Part 1)

Watched it yesterday and *loved* it. It was one of the most silly, snappy, stylish, and still smart movies I've seen in a long time, and thus I've got a lot of synapses shooting off. Going to let some of them ricochet around Tumblr instead of just inside my skull. Enjoy! Feel free to add on!

Okay ... Where to even start?

Firstly, Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling both deserve an Oscar for the depth and breadth of their acting range on display in this film, Greta Gerwig for the masterful execution of her directorial vision. And whoever wrote the casting credits deserves death for how unhelpful they are. Practically everyone is either just "Barbie" or "Ken", so how am I supposed to reference them easily here? Gods damn it, at least give them their titles, like "President Barbie" or "Journalist Barbie"!

I'm still giggling at lines like "Oh! The Supreme Court!" for the Miss Universe billboard, or Ken's confession "When I found out patriarchy wasn’t about horses, I lost interest," or Ruth Handler's ghost's self-deprecating boast "I am Mattel. At least, until the IRS got to me." I mean it in the most positive way imaginable when I say this movie was like a cohesive feverdream, like a frenetic session of children playing yet with an internally logical plot.

****

Okay, now for the more intellectual thoughts.

Apparently, a lot of people are arguing about whether or not this is really a good Feminist Movie(TM), whether or not it's a movie for Boys(TM), if it's anti-men, if it's just one big commercial for Mattel products, etc.

For that last one, yeah, of course it's selling Mattel products. But grow up, because it's not *just* a commercial. Much like "The Lego Movie" is selling legos AND ALSO a heartfelt story and a fascinating work of artistic performance in its own right. "Barbie" is a text worthy of analysis beyond "it's one big commercial", and part of how intellectually rich it is comes from the very fact that it engages with its own tangled roots in capitalist consumption.

As for whether or not it's for Boys(TM)--or for anyone at all, for that matter--I admit I've always thought such considerations were kinda stupid. Not everything is meant for everyone, obviously, nor should everything even try to be. But, by that same token, anything can be for anyone. People are not static and thus neither are audiences.

The idea of a Target Audience can be helpful, sometimes, but I think it's both grossly oversimplified and overextended nowadays (because capitalism and marketing). We need to remember, not everyone in a Target Audience will resonate with a given story, not everyone outside a Target Audience won't resonate with a story, and that that can change for individuals depending on ... heck, even what kinda day they're having. I loved this movie, but I probably wouldn't want to watch it on a day when I'm feeling really depressed. Maybe the producers and executives didn't market it with Boys(TM) in mind, but boys absolutely can and should watch "Barbie". It's a fun movie, and they should be allowed to enjoy it, too. And, more importantly, learn from it.

Is it anti-men? Pff! No. And only idiot conservatives would even think that's a worthwhile question worth asking.

As for if it's *really* a *good* Feminist Movie(TM) ... I think anyone asking this particular question is forgetting how complex and nuanced Feminism can be. Indeed, Feminism isn't really a single thing--it's not a unified monolith--but rather a bunch of connected and sometimes conflicting schools of thought, philosophies, political stances, and so on. In general, it really would be more accurate to say Feminisms (plural) than Feminism (singular). Giving a hard no, therefore, I reckon is insisting that it can't be Good Feminism(TM) because it doesn't fit someone's too narrow idea of what Real Feminism(TM) is/should be. Giving a hard yes is probably falling into the same trap.

Put another way, Feminism is a lot like Jewishness. It isn't really about finding The Absolute Answer(TM) to a question, but about the process of thinking and debating by which you come to a possibly impermanent answer.

To give some examples from the movie: Does the Barbie doll actually empower little girls? She shows them they can aspire to be more than just mothers, that they can be anyone and do anything ... But she also reifies this idea that women must look beautiful and be perfectly accessorized while doing it. It's not "yes or no", but "yes and no". Is the narrator's fourth-wall-breaking line "Note to film makers: Margot Robbie is not the right person to cast to make this point." (when Barbie is having a crisis about being inadequate, not being pretty enough or smart enough, etc.) one that undercuts or underlines the movie's emotional climax? It interrupts the flow of the dialogue and suggests that a woman's self-perception is less important than how others perceive her ... But it reminds us that she's not an everywoman, but rather an actress playing a specific doll in a fictional story, and this is a self-aware performance about the need to be self-aware. Not "yes or no" but "yes and no". It ends with Barbie being excited for a gynecology appointment. What the heck? On the one hand, it echoes the reality and physicality she now inhabits. She's real and alive, so she has a body with reproductive organs thus feminine health concerns that are being acknowledged in a way that is open and not shamed. She's no longer plastic and high-heeled and perfect, and thus will have blemishes and cellulite and flat feet, and that's wonderful ... But it also suggests the idea that the realness of womanhood is physical and medical and biological--suggests that it's situated not in her soul but in her body, not in who she is but what she has in her pants. Not "yes or no" but "yes and no".

Ironically, if anything, it might be a good Feminist Movie(TM) specifically because it doesn't try to give us simple, definitive answers about if the Barbie doll and "Barbie" itself are feminist icons. Feminisms are too complex and nuanced to give simple, definitive answers.

I've got one more thought (or string of thoughts) in me about this movie, I reckon. About how it's campy and doing nonstop drag (the Barbies are doing over-the-top femininity, the Ken's over-the-top masculinity, and even the Real World is doing over-the-top reality and grittiness ... except for the Mattel headquarters) and deconstructing itself, and how all that is foundational to its message. But this post has already gone on for too long than I originally anticipated. So I'll give voice to that idea in a bit.

[sorrowfulnow]

the thing about relationships and my mental health is:

as much as I am aware my feelings are paranoia, I also know from experience that my feelings are not paranoia.

close friendships are impossible, I have no close friends and exist only tangentially in spaces with others who I consider friends but who I can never be sure at any given moment if they think the same as I do.

the reason for this is simple - there is only a finite amount of time and energy in any given person's life and the vast majority of people will give up on me almost instantly because my conditions make me hard to like.

it is that I am fundamentally unlikeable to most people, and this isn't a put-down but rather an awareness that I'm an acquired taste.

the slim minority of people will give up on me fairly quickly because they are the ones who are most lacking in time and energy. they can't take on a project, and I am a project.

for the same reason, romantic relationships are also impossible because no matter how much I want them they're ultimately doomed.

part of me wishes I could throw all that to the wind and take a chance but the greater part of me knows that losing people like that is traumatic, it is harmful to their psyche. if it only harmed me, I'd do it but it harms them as well.

I am aware that there is always a limited amount of time between when people meet me and like me, and I become unbearable - because I am incapable of not being a drain, an annoyance, a hassle to put up with. I am, and always will be, a burden.

I am also acutely aware that my paranoia makes me expect it far sooner than it generally comes. It might take a month, it might take a year or two, but it always comes. It is already happening with many of the friends I made this year it seems.

It isn't malicious, at some point they just don't have the energy to reach out to me and they forget me. I am forgettable. I exist always on the periphery, never allowed into the centre because I am an entropy magnet.

I'm not entirely sure why I am this way, only that I've tried so hard to change and to sand away the rough edges and the texture of my being only to find myself dying. I am not made of wood, I cannot be sanded down to make myself smoother just to fit in and be tolerable to the touch, I am made of flesh and blood and I bleed when sanded down.

I suppose I should in a way simply leave and become a hermit, but that feels like defeatism. It feels like I should one day be able to find the one person in existence who has infinite energy for me. In a way it is almost a desperate craving to prove my own brain wrong.

I am at war with my own brain, and it is tiring but it is also a fight I refuse to surrender. surrender means annihilation, and I will walk the void, speak the void, stare into it and know myself, but I will not go peacefully into it.

anyway, that's enough rambling.

until the day comes when I am forced into isolation, I shall continue to be a thorn in people's side - an energy vampire of the most pleasant variety, someone who you don't hate but who becomes unbearably tiresome to talk to and be around.

and hopefully in the meantime my fleeting existence in people's lives will make them better - that the time and energy I take be worthwhile - and that perhaps even if I am too much trouble to talk to and be around that at least they'll look back at having known me as something positive.

[a-drama-addict]

Ooo how bout 💪, 🧠, 💌, and if you wanna 💞, for Tavish, Dari, and Chloe? :3

[ask game] thanks for the ask laya!! HELL YEAH RAMBLE TIME

💪 : What is your OC’s most physically attractive attribute? 

Tavish: I would say his hair! That's the one physical attribute he puts the most time in, he really makes a point to take care of it.

Da'revas: His eyes definitely. His eyes are a really soft hazel green, with a sort of friendliness that shines through them. He's a person that really smiles with his eyes, yknow? They got a sparkle that attracts people.

Chloe: Tough one, tough one, but I'd say her arms. I know most people are suckers for strong, toned arms. Or I'd say her nose, she has a pretty big, strong nose but it compliments the rest of her face super well!

🧠 : What is your OC’s most mentally attractive attribute?

Tavish: His inquisitive side, for sure. His lack of knowledge about the surface world really made his curious/inquisitive side show. His desire to learn about things he doesn't know is really strong and a lot of people are drawn to that curiosity

Da'revas: Oh his compassion DEFINITELY. He is always really understanding and respectful, always trying to be there for a person if he can tell they're not doing well.

Chloe: I think her wittiness definitely draws a lot of people to her. Some people may not appreciate the blunt jokes, or the snide remarks or any of her sass, but her wit overall garners a lot of fans.

💌 : How would they plan a romantic evening for a significant other?

Tavish: He's rather.. blunt to say the least. Literally walking up to them going; "I've planned something for you. Come." Not the most romantic way to do it, but the things he has planned are always the part that make it worthwhile. They're pretty cheesy cliche things like fancy restaurants, going for a walk during sunset, things like that. He'll also always get flowers or another kind of gift. Gentleman, truly.

Da'revas: Oh he hides it, up until the very last moment. Casually going "Oh hey, the restaurant we're going to is a 15 minute walk, wanna go already?" With the most smug expression ever. He has a pretty good poker face and is pretty good at hiding that kinda stuff, so it is usually a surprise! He is also big fan of going to restaurants or taverns, but if it's something special he usually organizes something at home. Feels more personal, and he likes that feeling.

Chloe: She takes weeks to plan a date. No like, literal weeks. She won't plan it out in exact detail but most things? Planned out. She always does things over the top, but not over the top enough that it's overwhelming. She likes making food herself, going on picnics, spoiling her partner. One of the benefits of rising to nobility, becoming a champion and murdering gangs with 2 silver each has to perk of money! (So YOU can spoil your partner and friends!)

💞 : Do they treat sex casually or do they view it as something with a lot of emotional weight?

Tavish: He's pretty okay with treating sex casually, he comes from a culture were sex for a big part really is in the hopes to reproduce so he feels that the need for a lot of emotional weight isn't always necessary. (Though he does like the feeling of said emotional weight to it)

Da'revas: Mixed feelings. He had a pretty long term relationship pre-Blight (shoutout to Tamlen and Merrill) so he had a lot of emotional weight with it in mind. But with Morrigan at first it was just casual. He was PRETTY conflicted on how he feels about it. He still is to be honest, but he's pretty fine with both, her prefers the emotional weight sometimes though.

Chloe: Casual sex is a-okay in her book. She didn't mind casual sex at all, hadn't really had it with an emotional weight. Up until Isabela and her got serious she didn't have emotionally weighted intimacy. She just really went with what her mind tells her is right for the scenario/person.

[stargazercassiopeia]

unfocused rambling about art

Lately, i've felt a very deep joy in the fact of being to just, make stuff and post it online. I've never had much artistic talent, I can't draw for the life of me, I can barely draw a stick figure. But I've always kinda liked doing it anyways, did it a lot as a child. I've also streamed for a long time, jsut put myself out there, but I never really felt like I was any good at it or like any of that stuff was really worthwhile. I made the odd youtube video, none of it rly got any attention whatsoever. But lately I feel there's been a kind of shift in my perspective, I feel like none of that stuff really matters as much as I thought it did. Cuz in the end, we're all just humans living through the human experience. And It doesn't really matter whether the things you make are "good" or "pretty" or "pleasing" or "valuable" or any other word we like to assign things. That's not what art is about, right? It's not about being pretty, it's not about breaking new ground or innovating, and it's never been about any of that stuff! It's about sharing the human experience with those around you, about taking your unique lense through which you perceive the world, and hanging it over to someone close to you, allowing for them to take a small glimpse through it themselves. There's only so many ways we can share our own experience, our own little worlds, with those seperate little worlds of those around us. So really what I'm trying to express I suppose is that I've felt very stuck up on quality, and providing some kind of nonsense-value, when really I should've just made stuff, regardless of what other people feel about it. Or whether people will ever like it or appreciate me for it. I make the stuff I wanna make because i'm human, and I should definitely make more of it. No matter if it's just some silly edit that really anyone could make, it doesn't take much skill. Or some cool photo of a flower, those aren't really hard to do either. I'm only just starting and I'm already making photos I can breally proud of. It's not really about skill, it's just about sharing cool things with the world. I like that a lot.

I do however like the idea that maybe some guy will look at my silly edits, think, "hey this looks really neat", and even if they move on right after, that's something. That's valuable. Or they look at my cute flowers and think wow, nature sure is pretty huh. Or they watch my videos and think hey this is entertaining. Or even if they don't think that, even if they think, hey this sucks. This isn't any funny. That's okay too. I'm glad you at least found any interest in my little perspective, my silly lens of this place. Maybe my stuff won't ever truly connect with people, I've kinda stopped caring. I just wanna make stuff.

So yea, i dunno, there's really no specific thought or anything i wanted to convey, hell i doubt anyone would even read this. But I guess if anyone does, just like, create stuff, i guess. Make silly vcideos, or silly edits, or crude stickmen drawings. It doesn't matter if it's "good" or "pretty", because it's your human expression, that already gives it inherit value. You're unique and even if your hands aren't skilled and your talent isn't cultivated, your unique lens will still shine a special light on the things you do, distinguished from those of all others. It's a beautiful thing really. There's really no reason to doubt yourself and pretend like your stuff isn't valuable, just because it's not "beautiful" or "good". Just create, be human, be happy.

[lastoneout]

thanks for opening up about how your writing is a lot of self reflection, whether consciously or as previously subconscious decision making. it reminds me of when i had a bout of writing that i took upon nearly two years ago now that i since fell off from; but the works of fiction i made in that time were a very deep and interesting practice of introspection and semi-unintentional processing, at levels i never really experienced before. i learned more about myself and how to cope from my writing exercises than from like 6 years of therapy (i’m sure they built on each other in reality). but anyway your words about your writing delving into reflection of yourself make me feel more inspired to write than the year i’ve spent simply missing the community i found in writing.

Aw, I'm glad I could offer some inspiration in that regard! Because yeah this is the first time I've really gotten deep into a project and really tried to write it all out properly and I am def...well, I guess pleasantly surprised at how much of it is kinda just me processing my issues while also getting to tell a story. It really is very cathartic at times, and tbh even when it isn't about all that there really is something wonderful about writing a story and coming up with characters in of itself, I really enjoy the process. So it's just good all around, getting to work on something and see the progress, and also coming to more of an understanding of myself while doing it.

Anyway, ye, I am a little bit migraine brain, but I'm glad my feral ramblings as I work on this project are inspiring or at least fun to watch <3 <3 If you do decide to get back into writing I hope it goes well for you! It's def worthwhile imo no matter what it is.

[blurrymango]

Thinking about a 2D who hasn't been called his real name in years. No one calls him Stu or even Stuart. No one except Murdoc.

He's sure he would have forgotten his own name, his true name, by now if it weren't for Murdoc.

It's only ever during sex though, that Murdoc calls him Stu. When Murdoc is buried balls deep inside him and he's on the verge of an orgasm that just keeps building but won't come. Heh. Cum. Because Murdoc won't touch his goddamn clit, instead pounding away into 2D like it's the only goddamn thing in the world that's worthwhile. But 2D does get to cum, after Murdoc does, with those fingers painfully pinching his clit and that rough voice in his ear saying "good boy, Stu" and it sounds so genuine and full of love and maybe the abuse Murdoc puts him through every day is worth it because he is a good boy and he's not just 2D, the idiot singer, but someone worthy of feeling good. (FEEL GOOD.... INC. LMAOOOOO.)

Of course the niceness doesn't last, it never does. And Murdoc will deny it until the end of time. And sometimes 2D goes so long without the whole "sex with Murdoc" thing that he really does start forgetting his own name. Horrifying. But then it happens, without warning, without consent, and 2D is reminded that he's not just good for singing and piano and eye-candy, he's... Well. A good hole for Murdoc to ffuck. And it feels like it should be more. He should feel more human when he's called Stu. But he doesn't. He feels loved, yes, the way a child loves their favorite toy. He can never tell the difference when it comes to Murdoc though. Hell, Murdoc could punch him in the stomach and he'd be so high off the positive, intimate attention of sex that he wouldn't feel it. Well, wouldn't feel it because of the high of painkillers among other things.

Ok!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am. Going to stop that there because I am. Going full ffucking ramble mode and cannot stick to the damn point of the post which is "2D only getting called his real name by Murdoc during sex" because I apparently cannot contain myself. And nonsense is a language I am extremely fluent in. This isn't even horny, it's too disjointed and disorganized to be horny or make sense. It's like. Ffucking nothing. Too many ideas bouncing around that I want to use in a smut for this ship, but this post is not the place to do it. I'd need the self-restraint that I do not have in order to properly explore all the ideas I imagine. I'd need a chapter devoted to each toxic aspect and kink and I'd need to learn to not go hamfisting every little part of my ideas for them into every goddamn paragraph.

I feel as though my writing reflects my art, detailed in a way that clutters it rather than enhances it.

Ah well. For art I enjoy it. For writing I do too. For longer pieces though, not for little blurbs on tumblr.

God though there are. A lot of concepts that I want to explore through Murdoc and 2D.