#this need for black and white morality in fiction is not only boring

[5ummit]

via theoceanblooms

[nightcolorz]

it's so crazy that people are out here making literal terf arguments over a fictional gay couple

also it was taking me out how that reply was literally citing examples of Louis' textual racial oppression as evidence of him being a subtextual woman like is that really what we're doing now?? Lestat owns the Azalea on paper because Louis can't own it as a black man during Jim Crow not because Lestat is equally invested in running the business as The Man like it's 1000% Louis' thing, and ignoring the strategic ways he operates his business black man just bc you're uncomfortable with the moral nature of that business is so blatantly insulting to Louis character and agency it's ridiculous. Like if Louis is a woman the majority of these people are being unironically sexist towards her because they like the boring self-insert wattpad version of her they created in their heads rather than the actual character.

sorry for the rant you can feel free to ignore it but that was driving me crazy

don’t apologize for the rant I’m so happy u sent me the rant bcus now I feel like I’m not crazy 😭😭. I didn’t actually read that one reply bcus the weird font changes gave me a migraine, but I skimmed enough to know what their thesis was 💀.

the terf shit is genuinely insane. I think a lot of this interpretation comes down to cis women with internalized sexism and transphobia (and racism cough cough) choosing to interpret Louis and lestats relationship in a way that aligns with their heteronormative narrow minded view of relationships (especially abusive ones) bcus they r unable to interpret a story about a gay black man being domestically abused by a flamboyant white man in a way that doesn’t revolve around the oppression of cis women bcus they believe that cis women are the central and only victims of oppression and domestic violence.

even tho it is explicitly shown to us that Lestat is able to abuse louis bcus louis is socially oppressed as a black man and lestat has societal power over him, ppl feel the need to put this “he’s also a metaphor for women” angle on it bcus they don’t want to confront the reality that men, especially men who are oppressed bcus of race or queerness or disability or any number of things, can be abused by their partners, and often are. I’ve noticed a lot of cis women have a problem with acknowledging that men can and do experience oppression that is “for women”. Domestic violence is often leveraged against women, but men are also victimized by it too, and stories about men who r abused deserve to be told without being “secretly about women”. This is especially weird since Louis is a black man, and I think a lot of this interpretation is happening bcus a lot of ppl subconsciously believe that black men can’t be victims of abuse or violence without being somehow women. Which is fucked up, obviously. It also undermines the actual story being told about a black man trying to navigate abuse and power structures by suggesting it’s actually about misogyny, bcus the implication is that misogyny is more important or legitimate then a black man’s experience and therefore he is just a mouth piece for a “real issue”

this is also why I think ppl argue lestat can’t be feminine bcus he abused Louis. They think that a feminine person can’t be an abuser, so they think that when I say lestat is feminine, im actually invaliding that he’s an abuser and suggesting he’s actually not abusive (bcus he’s fem). Believe it or not, u can be feminine and flamboyant or be a woman and at the same time be domestically violent against ur partner. Lestat’s feminine self expression and behavior is completely irrelevant to him being abusive, and he can be abusive and leverage his privilege over Louis while still being a feminine person. I think cis women have a problem with this bcus they are frightened to admit that they are capable of being instigators of violence despite being women/feminine . So friendly reminder, femininity is not the same as being morally good or pure, and femininity and victimhood are not the same. Trying to paint lestat as this embodiment of masculine and patriarchal ideals when he is very much a feminine queer man just bcus u insist that abuse has to fit into ur narrow minded view of what an abuser and a victim looks like is well, ignorant.

so Ppl who r socially oppressed are often victimized, and women are often victimized bcus they are socially oppressed, but Louis is socially oppressed and and that does not make him a women. Got it? 💀

It’s also important to acknowledge that Louis is a pimp who uses the victimization of women to gain social status and money for himself. Equating his suffering with the suffering of women is just not accurate when the show explicitly demonstrates to us that Louis is able to use the victimization of women to his advantage. Louis still operates within the patriarchy as a man, and him being abused by another man doesn’t make him less of a man, doesn’t make him akin to a woman thematically, and doesn’t mean he experiences misogyny the way women do in the narrative

(also, just a disclaimer, I’m not talking about ppl who headcanon Louis as trans or gnc or feminine, that is all awesome and a great way to express urself and how u relate to him. What I’m talking about is ppl who say that iwtv is thematically about domestic abuse against women bcus Louis is presented as the woman in the relationship since he’s abused by lestat )

[thosearentcrimes]

Read Bring No Clothes by Charlie Porter. If I followed the rule "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything", that would have been the only sentence in the review. Well, really, it wouldn't have existed, implicature is still a form of speech. For a while it didn't exist, since I read this book some time back now, but not out of moral concern, but rather simply because I'm not allowed to use the computers at work for personal shit anymore, and that's where I wrote these. So I finally got around to buying a new e-book reader instead, expect more reviews shortly, written from home this time. But I digress.

Bring No Clothes is a truly awful book about the fashion of the Bloomsbury group. I struggle to think of any redeeming features. It is shorter than the hardback makes it seem, but this is simply false advertising, and not a virtue. It chooses to give each chapter heading its very own entire page to sit on, to blow the letters up to an absurd size with liberal line spacing in the style of a panicking high school student, to pepper the book with black and white photos of dresses remarkable for their color. The hardcover copy I read pretends to have 340 A5 pages, and I would be surprised if it got to 100 with reasonable formatting. In truth it is a nothing but a handful of hastily concatenated half-written filler articles and a couple of unpublishable magazine features stuck between two hard covers for no apparent reason, an unfilmed script for a "video essay" (read: summary) that would be too long to watch and too short to say anything.

It is really quite literally a series of magazine articles. Charlie Porter is a fashion journalist, and his work on the book speaks to his total inability to adjust his writing style to the medium, the astonishingly poor standards in fashion journalism, and the seeming absence of any editing whatsoever on the part of the publisher. Though possibly it was edited, and earlier drafts were even worse. Somehow. There is no coherent theme to the book, no throughline connecting the individual chapters. There are entire chapters that are obviously unnecessary and poorly conceived, which would presumably have been removed if not for the desperate need to pretend the book is so much longer than it really is. Lastly, for some reason image descriptions are done in-line rather than through captions. Is this common in fashion journalism? It sucks to read, in any case.

The writing is shit. It's so unbelievably bad. Borderline unreadable, the structural issues with the book as a whole are reproduced even at the level of individual sentences. Porter's chief flaw is that he is preposterously self-absorbed. He is either unable or unwilling to separate his own impressions and delusions from reality. He spends substantial sections of most chapters writing about the personal experience of researching and writing the book, and plenty of other insufferable personal trivia besides. To pull that trick off without boring the reader takes extraordinary talent, personal charisma, and varied and interesting life experiences, none of which Porter seems to have. Not an amazing range of vocabulary on display either, and somehow I doubt this was a deliberate effort to keep the reading difficulty down. The miserable structure, constant pointless personal asides, and general inability to express what few ideas Porter may or may not have render the book a truly tedious slog.

When reading a non-fiction book, I would like to be able to pick out something I learned about the topic, some basic point of interest. It is impossible in this book, which contains nothing but boring accounts of relationships between seemingly insufferable people. Porter's narration does bring his protagonists to life in places, with some help from direct quotes. Unfortunately, they are brought to life as some of the most annoying egotists you've ever met in your life, which admittedly seems quite plausible for British upper class twits (well, mostly twits). Still, I don't put too much stock in that characterization, as it could very easily be projection by the blatantly self-absorbed author.

I generally try to recommend books to sorts of people who I think would like them, whether or not I was a fan myself. I suspect I am a poor judge of appeal, ultimately, but I try nonetheless. I think nobody should read this book, ever, for any reason. It is not that the book is evil. Reading evil has merit. The book is just bad. There are people who would like it, probably. Those people, in particular, should not read the book, as I suspect it would inhibit their development. Everyone involved in the production and distribution of the book should feel shame proportional to their degree of responsibility for what they have inflicted on the world in general, and on me in particular.

[1moreff-creator]

Happy Birthday, Veronika Grebenshchikova!

I have a confession to make. Despite my account being themed after Min and having made several posts analyzing her... I may like Veronika just as much, if not more than Min. Ever since her introduction, this Horror Fanatic has brought a smile to my face every time she comes on screen. Literally. Whenever I see her, my face immediately splits into the dumbest grin, I just adore her far too much. There's a lot we still haven't seen about her, but in honor of her birthday, I shall give a few of the reasons I love this freak to the death, and make a sort of birthday playlist as a gift.

+The main motivation for everything she does is boredom, as stated in her conversation with Teruko on Ch 2 Ep 7. Her profile states she took on her talent to seek thrills.

+This obsession with entertainment twists her personality quite a bit. “I don't care about morals. I don’t care whether people get hurt or whether they die. I just need to be entertained”. She’s honestly such a queen.

+Her twisted morals lead to her hanging out with people based on how entertaining they are instead of, like, normal standards for hanging out with people. Arturo is example number one.

"If you become more and more irredeemable, then I'll only love you more. I want to hear all about those horrible things you did with no justification".

She would be a standard Danganronpa fan, is what I get from this line.

+She has claimed she “used to be an outdoors person”, but apparently isn’t anymore. Whether she simply got bored of the outdoors, or there was something more traumatic at play, is still unclear.

+Her profile states she likes skateboarding. I adore this fact. Why there aren’t piles of fanart where she’s skateboarding, I don’t know. Get on it, people! /j. Unless?

(Also, I like to headcanon that she used to skateboard with Whit in their time at Hope’s Peak, but she was actually really bad at it. She constantly fell on her face, but always got back up laughing her ass off)

+The upper part of her dress is black and white, colors associated with the Tragedy and horror in the DRDT universe. This is stated by Veronika herself in Ch 2 Ep 2. However, this color scheme also kickstarts what I like to call:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mastermind Bingo! Ft Veronika

>She wears black and white, like Monokuma and MonoTV.

>She gets bored easily, and it drives her actions, like Junko and especially Izuru.

>She constantly psychoanalizes people, again like Junko.

>She has childish tendencies (read: likes the playground), which can be connected back to the Warriors of Hope and Monaca.

>"If I wore contacts, a wig, and different clothes, would you recognize me?"

So, thinking a bit like Tsumugi there.

>"That's why I liked horror for such a long time. The genre seeks to elicit base, negative emotions out of you, like fear, disgust, or sadness... That's exciting"

She is one step removed from outright claiming she likes despair! What is this?!

Also, liked, horror? As in, past tense? Is that implying she doesn't feel satisfied with horror anymore?

>"But after a while, fiction is only fiction..."

You look me in the eyes and tell me that's not something Tsumugi would say. She has aspects of every main-line mastermind! I wouldn't be surprised if she starts taking notes from other fangans, I'm half expecting her to start talking about "the resurrection of Divine Luck" or something.

>And that's not even mentioning things like her quote for Mai; "A girl who didn't foresee the consequences". Right, because Veronika would be the one to get the most ominous quote after MonoTV's "It's all your fault".

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To be clear, I don’t actually think Veronika’s the mastermind. I just find it funny how incredibly suspicious she is, to the point of not being suspicious in the slightest.

+CW for self-harm for this one. It is heavily theorized her secret is "You only took on your talent to distract from your incessant need to harm yourself for fun". After all, she is one of the only remaining characters who covers her wrists and most of her body, and doing something like that "for fun"... sort of only fits Veronika, as far as we know.

+Her secret quote is: "Once something is broken, it can never be pieced together in quite the same way again. The same goes for people." Whether she's talking about herself or someone else is unclear.

+The recent Q&A confirmed the following:

•Veronika is pansexual! Congrats on getting her, pansexual community! A true win for you.

•The earing she wears (a small green triangle) was given to her by her “dearest friend”. This friend's name is apparently Alyssa Belyaeva, taking the dubious honor of having a weirder last name than even Grebenshchikova.

•Her favorite color is white with other colors, since it makes the others stand out more, and her least favorite is white by itself, since it’s “soulless”. That’s… huh. Is that meant to mean anything? Could it be she sees herself as the color white; uninteresting and boring on her own, but helps other people seem more interesting by association? Am I reading too much into this? Probably, but that’s sort of my shtick at this point.

•Her favorite ice cream flavor is funfetti. Based.

•She smells strongly like women’s perfume. I guess, why not, right? Notably, Hu smells like women’s perfume as well, but it’s apparently fainter. Doubt it means anything, but it’s there.

+Veronika can do no wrong. This is an objective truth. Slay queen (but, wait to like, chapter five. I really, really hope you don’t die at three).

And finally, like I did with Min, here's a few songs which remind me of Veronika! And as you're gonna see, my music taste sort of really aligns with the kind of songs one would assign Veronika.

CW, some of these can include topics like murder and extremely disturbing imagery.

-The Chattering Lack of Common Sense, by Ghost & Pals

-End World Normophaty, by Ghost & Pals

-Hide And Seek (English cover by Lizz Robinet), original by Ho-Ong-i

-Corrosion, by Riproducer / RIP

-Chronic Wasting Disease, by Riproducer / RIP

-The Spider and the Kitsune-Like Lion, by MASA Works (CW for this one in particular, it's really fucked up. Cannibalism, torture, necrophilia, etc)

-Hi-fi Evolution Theory, by Keu Studio (probably her character playlist song)

-What Gave it Away, by Riproducer / RIP

-Matryoshka, by Hachi

-Honey I'm Home, by Ghost & Pals

-Entomologists, by Ghost & Pals

-The Experiment, by Steampianist

-The Boy who Went to Hell, by SHUDDER

-Secrets of Wysteria, by Steampianist (CW, this one is based on real events of violent crimes)

-The Dismemberment Song, by Blue Kid

-Mad Hatter, by Melanie Martinez

-Uncanny, by Ghost & Pals

-God-ish, by PinocchioP

-I Can't Fix You, by The Living Tombstone (Veronika loves FNAF, you can’t convince me otherwise)

-Always Wanted, by MiatriSs - SayMaxWell

-The Red Means I Love You, by Madds Buckley

-Already Dead, by KittenSneeze

Alright, I'll stop there. With the final song:

-Happy Birthday! (but, like, a creepy cover or something)

[witheredoffherwitch]

some hatred towards alysmond is coming from people with weird moral indignation i'm afraid. how do i know? cause in 9 out of 10 aemond×oc fics reader is soft, submissive, boring as hell and aemond is possessive, jealous and control freak. certain people will never like alys cause they can't relate to her. she is cunning, knows how to survive and make the best of it, and she is immediately labelled as dangerous seductive famme fatale. i don't care what they say, i knew for many years that really strong women don't put down those who clearly are confident and smart because they don't feel threatened by them. even if that's about the fictional character but you see those people can't tell a difference between real person and fictional character as they proved when telling olivia they hate her cause she plays a cunt and insulting gayle looks just because they expected eva green of katie mcgrath so they can get the confirmation she seduced him with her looks. sorry to disappoint you but even maesters noticed aemond in harrenhall didn't choose some younger ladies to bed but alys. they can't understand aemond fell in love because she was smart, witty, resourceful? maybe to him looks didn't matter but i dunno, something like personality? but they don't know what personality is so what to discuss here? now having oc with no personality bland as fuck is sign of genius. you know you can't write smart character with personality because then people won't self insert. they only can self insert into complete idiots. good to know they are impressed by someone nameless and faceless and personalityless. fools can only identify with fools.

not gonna lie helaemonds have a part of trashing alys cause they can't get over their disappointment she would be casted when they were sure alys would be cut cause her powers went to helaena. i have ss of their comments or posts so if they piss me off i would public it. they also can't comprehend why aemond would leave capital to begin with he was to fuck helaena during the war. huge bunch of helaemonds openly admitted they don't care about aemond, all they care about is helaena being with someone better than aegon. they don't understand aemond and his motives, they constantly trash aegon as worse than daemon and viserys combined so best to ignore them, their brains don't work anymore.

alys suffers from both teams cause both teams need a punching bag. tb does want every woman to uphold the patriarchy to just call them karens and they will be hugely disappointed because alys doesn't support the patriarchy so this argument works only with alicent and even helaena. tg is full of people with parasocial relationships with ewan and aemond as if any of them would ever have sex with them. they are jealous alys gets to have sex with him and they have to self insert into bland copy paste oc.

i feel really sorry for these writers who think writing alys as bad bitch will make their uninteresting self insert bland oc great or more shippable with aemond. how they are stuck in their black white thinking of the world when they write alys as smart, ambitious=bad bitch and oc naive, innocent, soft, submissive=great girlfriend material. it must be so boring to feel threatened by fictional character who isn't brainless like most of their ocs. so they need to cope by writing blushing virgin for aemond and that's how they convince themselves they'll find their aemond is real life. imagine how sad their life is!

Hi nonnie 🤗

This ask has been sitting in my inbox pile for ages; but fear not, I have finally unearthed it 😭

And honestly, there's not much to add - your words ring true and I couldn't agree more. Keep spilling that pipin' hot tea!

[emberswrites]

Have people considered the possibility that one can make mistakes, fuck up, do or say the wrong thing and - wait for it - not be a horrible person still? Still have done good and cared? Might actually be a rather decent person who erred?

I think fandom discourse and just general irl discourse around this stuff is very funny.

Yes this is about Kakashi haters because they all seem to think his imperfection and faults make him a shitty guy. This is not at all to say you have to like the guy either - it’s just to say this doesn’t make his character inherently a bad person or teacher. And I struggle to think of any adult in Sasuke’s life post-massacre who cares for him the way Kakashi did.

This is why being a Kakashi and Sasuke fan is annoying because there’s so many pro-Sasuke Kakashi haters and vice versa. How are you gonna recognize Konoha sucks and simultaneously dismiss the profound ways in which it fucked Kakashi up and how much it would take to undo that? Man’s been a shinobi since age 5 and then proceeded to have a horribly traumatic existence for the rest of his formative years into adulthood and you expect him to be the perfect sensei and counsellor for the only two shinobi likely more fucked up than he is. And refuse to acknowledge all the ways he subverts the expectations when he does, and actually does take care of his students and cares about them? Doesn’t actually trauma dump on Sasuke because what exactly does Sasuke, or any of team 7, know about him? Yeah, not much at all because he doesn’t talk about himself and it’s a big sin he tells Sasuke he’s also experienced profound loss when desperate to get him to resist the pull of the dude who wants to turn Sasuke into a skin suit. He probably should have talked more to Sasuke about his life and experiences, if anything. And how are you gonna support Kakashi who was so very stomped on and used by the system and hate Sasuke for wanting to change it? Neither makes sense.

Gives the impression that anyone who doesn’t react the way you deem correct or who isn’t radical enough is just bad and evil - and this applies to anti- and pro-Sasuke and anti- and pro-Kakashi people equally. These characters are both complex, nuanced, wonderful and flawed. Dissecting the show with psychology and sociology is fine and whatever but then acting like the characters should behave in some accordant way to be good or moral and like it’s black and white just doesn’t make sense because we don’t expect that in real life and media would be very boring if we expected that in fiction.

It’s very purity culture adjacent, the need for neat boxes and perfect representations of things.

[multifairyus]

Hobie Brown Playlist Superiority Complexes

Goodness gracious will y’all shut the FUCK up about playlists people post for fun and to be creative not having “real punk” songs!

Stop being mean to people for putting artists they like in their songs because you think Hobie himself wouldn’t listen to them! Stop calling people cringe when they’re just having fun!! We are ALL on this hellsite obsessing over a fictional man from a children’s movie?! Get a scooby doo, touch some grass and shut up!!!

Ykw that’s not all I wanna say cuz I’m beyond sick and tired of this nonsense lemme get organized with these points chile—

1. One of the creators of Spider-Punk has made a playlist that features all punk music. It’s over 6 hours long and has an excellent spread of artists that are true punk with diverse production and vocal performance. I PROMISE y’all are not doing anything *that* different with your playlists compared to the actual creator’s playlist to be sitting so comfy on that high horse like come off it!

2. Y’all’s “real punk” playlists are WHITE AS HELL!!! Like PLEASE….a playlist with the Ramones and Sex Pistols heavily featured? Groundbreaking, florals for spring. Of course Hobie loves the classics but y’all are so fake concerned about “accuracy” that you white wash the genre you supposedly care so damn much about!!!

3. We know damn well those animators were not paid enough and that the 2024 release is unlikely. You think people are trying to only listen to one VERY specific genre of rock music be reminded of their favorite character for however long that takes?? You don’t think there’s a need for variety in music to convey they character? You don’t think anything but The Queen’s Proper Punk music is good enough to even be ASSOCIATED with him, let alone *gasp* headcannon him listening to it? That’s unrealistic, limiting, and boring as hell.

4. Did you know that a “character playlist” can mean a lot of different things? Y’all jump to reading the intent behind every playlist as “this is something that Hobie Brown in-universe would listen to on his Spotify”…when there’s a lot of ways to interpret a character into a playlist? Different contexts and situations and purposes? Playlist curation is a type of fanwork just as valid as fanart and fanfiction but doesn’t get nearly as much grace for people to take creative liberties and that’s so unfair!

Tl;dr: I don’t care for the dogmatic, gatekeepy, mean-spirited attitude people have towards people making playlists about a fictional character that YOU feel is inaccurate. Maybe it is. Or maybe, just maybe, you centering your preference/perspective as the Right and Only Way isn’t really in the spirit of a young Black man who spends his free time punching Nahtzees in the face and organizing his community to fight fascism.

Moral absolutism about MUSIC? Spider-Punk Hobart “Hobie” Brown would never. Y’all can die mad about it idc.

[sol-furor]

im gonna try to respond to this because UMM

there's a reason why it's said that her character is boring and a sack of potatoes, it's because of her writing! there's very little in canon that makes her a compelling main character, fanon alina in certain fan fictions is 10x better than her canon version which makes you think of the potential she had. also she's fictional and there are a 100 other female led stories out there

the show has jessie to thank because they're trying to portray a struggling young woman who has only discovered her powers and herself. jessie is doing a pretty good job when on paper alina was never that interesting. her book counterpart is always in her head and it feels like she has very little choice in what happens in her own story, which is why a lot of us tried to make a better version in our heads, someone whose agency isn't hindered and blamed at every turn

we talk about alina losing her power because from the start we know its a pretty big deal, essential to the discovery of her own strength and well the start of her journey. and then she's punished and abandoned by the narrative. whether you think it's great she lost it or not, it's one of the final moments of her story and it feels like an involution of her character. also losing powers, going back to a "normal life" is such a bland concept that it needs to be done well for an audience to still feel involved, clearly the author didn't make it because i know when book 3 came out, the majority did not like the ending, even malina shippers

the shipping part is a given, if there's little else to talk about, her character is reduced to shipping. simple as that. also there's a strange black and white morality in the sab fandom that i'll never understand which makes her even more bland, either she's a hero or a villain, too bad she doesnt stand out as either.

the crows don't have this problem because it is enstablished that they are morally grey characters (which means that particular fandom thinks they can do no wrong) and at the end of the day they have more fun adventures that make their story palatable. we (im including myself here) like the darkling because we think he's also a morally grey character that has a long and rich history and there's lots you could do with him, regardless of the good/bad he did (ask the author why she brought him back in her later books when she clearly despises the character)

so yeah if you look for fan fictions and meta (pre-show are even better) you'll find other versions of alina that make the canon one seem the whitest flour in the shop, doesnt mean we don't like her, it's just that headcanons are sometimes better than what you have on the page and this is a good example of that

[wildelwrcase]

Book Review: "The Binding" by Bridget Collins

--⭐2.25⭐--

I considered DNFing at several points during part 1, and I can't say I completely made the right decision by sticking it through. (Sorry if this is a little spoilery. I think a lot of this is predictable anyway, but if you want to go in totally blind, skip my review)

Looking at the back of the book, in a Q&A with the author, it's stated she has written 7 YA books before releasing this adult fantasy, and boy golly can you tell. Every time the characters swore was a mini jumpscare where in I had to remember this was not written for teenagers. Because even with the references to the darker material present in this world (see trigger warnings) it still feels totally juvenile with incredibly flat, black and white morality characterization. In the past I've disliked YA books for this quality, yet forgiven them for the fact that they are geared toward people younger than me, but this is marketed fully as an adult fantasy, giving it no excuse.

On the topic of characters, the ones portrayed in this book are both absurdly flat and painfully boring. Outside of our main duo, every single character is presented so cartoonishly it's impossible to take seriously. They are all either virtuous girls who suffer for the advancement of our male heroes' plot, or legitimately evil peverted monsters, with neither party being offered even the barest of nuance. (The big bad man who takes Emmett to the big city is named de Havilland. Really. I haven't seen anything so heavy handed since Cruella Deville.) Unfortunately, neither Emmett or Lucian are given much further development. This almost astounds me since they are both 1st person POV characters! As individuals they can be surmised easily: Emmett - farmer (it's his last name and occupation), hates monetary hand outs, righteous (except when the plot needs him to not be), Lucian - rich, hates his dad, hates bookbinding (but only kind of and only to stir up plot drama.) Could you guess that they're also incredibly inconsistent? And somehow still, the most egregious character injustice is killing off a main character and then never mentioning her again!

The plot is easily the best part of the book, and yet still so much of my enjoyment is based on it's potential for more. I think the plot twists are satisfying, though predictable, and the magic system is so cool. There are so many moments that expand the world and potential that binding memories could have on a vaugely pre-industrial vaugely British setting, like the one in this book. Does Collins ever actually explore these possibilities, well no, but the thought of it is intriguing.

A large part of the plot though that can't go ignored is the romance, which… kinda sucks. Like the 2nd part of the book is by far the most enjoyable to read, don't get me wrong, but their entire relationship is told to us while skipping through the parts we actually want to read about. Like this novel is 450 fucking pages and the author just tells us they had an affair??? She couldn't be bothered to write even one or two scenes of them just fucking talking, getting to know each other, falling in love? It's so insane, she somehow spends more time talking about the sexual assualt of minors rather than the supposedly loving, consensual intimacy between our main romantic pair! That is simply absurd, and quite frankly deeply frustrating. Much like the characters though, the plot, is just really fucking boring.

The two, reasons this isn't a 1 star: 1. It's very readable once you get through the mind-numbing opening. Again the 2nd part is pretty fun to read, if rather lackluster. The author is able to spread out reveals just enough that even though they're ridiculously predictable, you still want to get there to see if maybe that's the turning point into where it gets good. 2. Just the idea of it. I really wish this concept was created by a more competent writer, especially one for adult fiction.

Ok, quick-fire shitty things that don't warrant their own paragraph but do deserve mentioning:

Women are treated horribly no matter what. Either sidelined as enforcers of the homophobic realities of the time period keeping our main characters from living freely or literally killed off and never brought up again.

Part 1 is rendered completely useless by the end of the book, except basically to stall so the reveal in part 2 is more impactful.

Zero moral nuance or complexity.

Completely dropped plot threads and/ or thematic ideas that would have made the 450 pages feel less bloated and actually given some depth to the world.

So yeah this is a pretty bad book, but it was more enjoyable to read than what I would deem 1-star level atrocity.

Later losers, gonna go write a fanfiction with this premise, but make it not suck.

[constantviewings]

The TV Show Trials - Black Mirror

Black Mirror is a British anthology television series created by Charlie Brooker. Individual episodes explore a diversity of genres, but most are set in near-future dystopias with sci-fi technology.

Is this weeks late? Yes. Do I care? No. Is it even finished? Also, no; but I will update this as I watch what’s left. For this review I decided to switch it up a little bit, I’ve watched the majority of Black Mirror before so instead of just reviewing every episode; I’m ranking them from worst to best.

The Waldo Moment

A failed comedian who voices a popular cartoon bear named Waldo finds himself mixing in politics when TV executives want Waldo to run for office.

It’s very difficult to make audiences care about fictional, local bi-elections and this episode is definitive proof of that. This episode is a major let-down not only as a season finale but being in-between the powerhouses of White Bear and White Christmas. Overall, it’s just a bad episode...

The Entire History of You

In the near future, everyone has access to a memory implant that records everything they do, see and hear. You need never forget a face again - but is that always a good thing?

While the concept is solid, and provides the baseline of technology going forward, the episode itself is too slow to justify its 50 minute runtime. While the stakes feel high, I’m not invested enough in the relationship to feel bad at its demise. Also, I think Charlie Brookers takeaway is bullshit, he thinks it’s Liam’s fault for looking for information that will upset him and that Claire just has ‘secrets’ and ‘still loves him’… she cheated on him while they were trying to have a baby! She’s just as bad as he is.

Men Against Fire

Future soldiers Stripe and Raiman must protect frightened villagers from an infestation of vicious feral mutants.

While not boring, I don’t really care for action and war heavy narratives, the message redeems this episode a lot for me. The idea of war propaganda dehumanising the ‘enemy’ to make it easier to kill them or wish for their death is portrayed to its extreme here.

Be Right Back

After learning about a new service that lets people stay in touch with the deceased, a lonely, grieving Martha reconnects with her late lover.

Another slow episode, but this is better than The Entire History of You because it focuses solely on the relationship and the aftermath of Ash’s death. Hayley Atwell and Domhnall Gleeson absolutely kill it as Martha and Ash; but can we expect any less from them?

Arkangel

After nearly losing her daughter, a mother invests in a new technology that allows her to keep track of her.

I know this episode is pretty divisive and, while I don’t find it particularly entertaining, the concept and discussion that it prompts is worth having. Like, is the Arkangel moral, does some of the footage count as CP, if giving someone emergency contraception against their will a human rights violation? It’s just unfortunate that the discussion surrounding the episode is more entertaining than the episode itself.

Playtest

An American traveler short on cash signs up to test a revolutionary new gaming system, but soon can't tell where the hot game ends and reality begins.

I feel like my reviews are already getting bad, and we’re only six episodes deep… Anyway, this episode is pretty scary, so it does its job as the sole horror episode of the series.

Fifteen Million Merits

In a world where people's lives consist of riding exercise bikes to gain credits, Bing tries to help a woman get on to a singing competition show.

Okay, time to get a little controversial. I think this episode is good, but not great. Daniel Kaluuya is phenomenal, and you can really see how far he’s come while also retaining those trademarks of his performances; especially with his eyes. My problem mainly lies in that it’s only really entertaining in the last half; but I don’t know what I would cut to make it shorter…

Hated in the Nation

In near-future London, police detective Karin Parke, and her tech-savvy sidekick Blue, investigate a string of mysterious deaths with a sinister link to social media.

Once again, another good episode, it’s just too long. I think it’s done a massive disservice by simply being known as ‘the killer bee episode’ because it’s so much more than the bees; but not much more to impress me.

Hang the DJ

Paired up by a dating program that puts an expiration date on all relationships, Frank and Amy soon begin to question the system's logic.

This episode and the next one are pretty evenly matched, I just like this one slightly less. This is mostly because the episode lags in the middle compared to the beginning and end.

San Junipero

When Yorkie and Kelly visit San Junipero, a fun-loving beach town full of surf, sun and sex, their lives are changed.

It’s just a good episode… can you tell I’m getting sick of writing these reviews?

Nosedive

A woman desperate to boost her social media score hits the jackpot when she's invited to a swanky wedding, but the trip doesn't go as planned.

I think this episode is great, especially as the introduction to this ‘new’ phase of Black Mirror on Netflix. Bryce Dallas Howard knocks it out of the park and the concept is great; espacially because it isn’t too dissimilar to how we currently live.

Crocodile

An insurance agent investigates a minor traffic incident using a device that manifests peoples' memories, but one of her witnesses has something to hide.

This is just fucking grim, isn’t it? While this episode is insanely devistating, that’s one of the reasons I rank it so highly, especially because it isn’t afraid for it’s main character to just be an awful and selfish person with no redemption. It’s really great to see.

Black Museum

A woman enters the Black Museum, where the proprietor tells his stories relating to the artifacts.

Where this episode’s strength is in the way they tie each story to each other. It could come across as a slap-dash clip show to fill out the season but those connections in the form of Rolo Hayes takes it beyond into being a great episode.

USS Callister

Capt. Robert Daly presides over his crew with wisdom and courage. But a new recruit will soon discover nothing on this spaceship is what it seems.

I’m going to be completely honest and admit that I was dreading re-watching this episode as I didn’t like it the first time around; but I can confindently say my opinion has changed. It’s way funnier than I had remembered it and Cristin Milioti does a phenomenal job, a stand out scene being the one in the lake.

The National Anthem

Prime Minister Michael Callow faces a shocking dilemma when Princess Susannah, a much-loved member of the Royal Family, is kidnapped.

We all knew this was coming but I bet you weren’t expecting to see it in my top five, were you? I could go on for eons about how this (and the rest of my top five) perfectly encapsulate the soul of Black Mirror as commentary on technology, polotics, and interpersonal conflicts; but you don’t want to hear that, you want to hear my defence. I think this episode is the perfect episode to start the show with, it’s shocking and a bit gross but it hooks you so quickly that you can’t help but watch ‘til the end. And let’s be honest, it’s exactly how society would react to this situation...

White Bear

Victoria wakes up and cannot remember anything about her life. Everyone she encounters refuses to communicate with her, and they all seem to know something she doesn't. But what?

You don’t need me to tell you how good this episode is, the rest of the internet can do that for me...

White Christmas

Three interconnected tales of technology run amok during the Christmas season are told by two men at a remote outpost in a frozen wilderness.

This is another episode where the internet can tell you how great it is, so I want to focus on something different. Like The Entire History of You, I don’t agree with Brooker’s interpretation of the conflict, sure Joe doesn’t seem like the best guy but his partner cheated on him and had another man’s child while blocking him and refusing to work things out like an adult. And while he may be an unreliable narrator, when you don’t give me anything to hint at the reality, I’ve got no choice but to believe the narrator...

Shut Up and Dance

When withdrawn Kenny stumbles headlong into an online trap, he is quickly forced into an uneasy alliance with shifty Hector, both at the mercy of persons unknown.

I’m sure you saw this coming after seeing where I put The National Anthem... I love this episode and and the way it draws you in to care about Kenny until you start thinking ‘the video’s pretty bad, but surely it’s not wirth all this right?’ all the way up to dropping the bombshell on what he was actually doing. And, even on rewatch, that reveal still makes me unbeleivably nauseous.

[blinkaftermidnight]

i’ve seen a lot of people saying that raf could excuse SA but that him lying about having a girlfriend was too much and that just… wasn’t what i got from that scene? don’t get me wrong, i dislike him for how he sided with seth, but i definitely got the vibe that the “lying about the girlfriend” + “kidnapping the cat” + “doing something to julia” scene was meant to show that this was a pattern of behavior, he’d been lying and manipulating all of them all along by telling them different stories to get them to like him, and that compounded with the SA (which again. should have been the only thing they needed to know about before drawing the line, but whatevs) is what made raf (and the others to a degree) realize who seth was. it wasn’t like if raf had heard that seth lied about having a girlfriend without any of that other stuff he would’ve dropped seth and beat him up. idk, still don’t love him, but i feel like that interpretation is disingenuous.

If you don't wanna see me talk about Seth and his actions, don't read this.

Yeah, this makes total sense. I'm with you, and I could not have said it better myself, because the whole meta/analysis thing fandom has going on is above my skillset. I will say I appreciate the show's willingness to not present things as black and white, even if what they're dealing with is unpleasant (Kirin + Ivan's history, Seth's storyline, etc.). This isn't to say I agree the writers did a good job handling everything, but it would've been easy (and unrealistic, I'd say) to write everyone shunning Seth instantly and leaving him to die. Watching the season the first time, I could understand why Raf was unwilling to ditch Seth outright, even though I didn't like Raf's decision from an outside standpoint. Raf was pretty boring, and I'm not enthralled by him, but the way his relationship with Seth was built up prior to the end of 2x04, if the writers had Raf instantly turn on Seth, it would've felt forced. And Raf does ultimately come to see Seth for who he is, in part because it's established for him that Seth has a history of lying. Seth was something of a friend for Raf, and Raf stuck by his friend at first, and anyone who wants to act like there aren't people who would do that shit irl...like I got nothing to say. Go live in the world. People do horrible things, and other people stick by them and make fucked up decisions. I have seen people I know make the same decision that Raf did, except they have never come to see what their friend is capable of. But this is fiction, and I can appreciate when fiction doesn't act like we're all amazingly moral people who make the right choice every single time. You don't have to like it, but the way a bunch of teenage boys struggled to react to their entire situation felt plausible, at least. The characters aren't perfect, and I'd much rather see them fuck up and make bad decisions that make sense given their circumstances, because their fallibility makes them feel like real people. Honestly sometimes fandom is so tiring for me, especially in relation to the boys, but let me cut this rant off before I really get started

[darrowsrising]

Lykos, Darrow O'Lykos:

I sort of remember the time when some people were very butthurt that Darrow chose to live and ripped out Jackal's tongue instead of sacrificing himself and supposedly saving Luna some nukes.

Well, I blocked people then without saying anything, but I just want this out there: I could care less about Luna and its inhabitants. If it gets nuked to glass I won't shed a tear. If Thraxa massacrates everyone in Hyperion - everyone - and the streets become Venice from hell with all the blood - I will rejoice to the Vale.

Darrow is not only worth more than anything and anyone, subjectively speaking, it so happens that you wanted to give a psychopathic evil genius all the power so he wouldn't nuke Luna. The failure of your argument is in the fact that Adrius' word means absolute shit - he could and would have nuked Luna with or without Darrow's death.

Not only that but if you think Darrow is responsible for what his enemies do when he refuses to give in to blackmail, you are seriously in need of some new material to read. I get the whole self-sacrificing spill messed with your heads, but trust me - it's the same with the Lea situation.

Antonia held Lea hostage and threatened to kill her if Darrow didn't come out. If he did they would have killed Darrow AND Lea. Or even worse. This idea that giving in to a villain's blackmail is some sort of moral goodness is pretty stupid. I understand why it exists, but trust me, not giving in, even though it's results in loss, is still on the villain's shoulders. With the survival and guilt complexes that ensue on the hero's side, it's not black and white.

You all think it's just - you die or a whole bunch of innocents die. Hell no, this is not some parents approved cartoonish villainism. It's you die and then I do what I want anyway, because I can or you refuse to die and I do what I want to do anyway.

It does not make Darrow morally better, but it does make him smarter than his enemies, because he gets to live and fight them and even win.

If you want to read some 'Hero is always morally upstanding' books, please don't pick up Red Rising or at least try not to apply your standards of morality to this particular fictional universe, because it's silly af to do so. It's not a boring Bond movie.

[doorsclosingslowly]

This Is the Time of Our Great Undoing

“Do you think Kaz could fuck someone in a full-body bondage suit?” Jesper whispers, more to distract Inej from what’s on the screen than anything else, but still—the idea won’t leave Kaz alone.

5.8k | modern AU | Kaz[/&]Jesper, part of a polycule

content note: despite the premise this is about cuddling, gambling addiction and existing during climate change

It starts the way most things used to start: with all of them piled onto ancient couches on the fifth floor of an otherwise empty building on the edge of Amsterdam, also called the Slat. These days, it’s harder and harder to get everyone together. Nina and Matthias are both in Rotterdam now, doing associate degrees that Kaz doesn’t care about. Wylan’s got room and board and a plan for the future and a social worker, and she already disapproves of Jesper as a bad influence so it’s not worth it, generally, for Wylan to come back to his old squat and hang out with the whole gang of ex- and current reprobates.

And Inej—fuck, Kaz wishes she was just a little less righteous, less concerned with how the world’s going to shit. She’s faced off against more cops now than he has, probably. Water cannons and charging horses and riot shields. She knows criminals all over the country, Europe, probably the world—but they’re the kind of criminals with morals and worthless targets, with bandanas and badly sewn patches, who will talk about Federici and sea levels and the Invisible Committee and use value if you don’t leave quickly enough. The kind that live on trees, as Inej’s going to do in a few days. The kind that don’t make any money. The kind that have even less of a chance of making it out of a job alive and free than Kaz does—and with the enemies she’s talking about, politicians, banks, Shell, he doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to extort her out of jail next time.

For now, though, they’re all together in the big room, watching some ancient movie on the massive 8k screen with mood lighting, etc, the works, that’s in the Slat courtesy of some MediaMarkt manager desperate enough to save her marriage to bribe Kaz into silence, but not so desperate she wouldn’t fuck two other women in the breakroom.

It’s impossible to know whose fault it is that they’re currently watching Pulp Fiction.

Kaz is inclined to blame Jesper, because most things are his fault in some way or another, and he’s supplying the login data for an old uni flatmate’s streaming accounts, which is where they found that film, front and centre, paid to rent until tomorrow. Who even pays for films? If that’s the calibre of people they send to university these days, it’s no wonder the planet’s going to the dogs. Jesper, though, swears he wanted to watch some goofy horror flick, so he’s splitting the blame with Nina and Matthias: Matthias, for growing up in a cult and having never heard of what’s apparently a film classic and mentioning that to Nina, who of course cooed over her boyfriend and insisted on it, even though actually none of them have watched it before either so it’s not like it’s an important cinematic milestone. Or just not b horror, crime, some weird arthouse thing with complicated morality… It’s weird and has crime but there is nothing to figure out, so Kaz is bored. It’s Inej’s fault, because instead of vetoing it she said yes, just because she has a heart-shaped soft spot for Nina. Wylan could have done his oh I’m still an innocent barely-two-years not a minor this looks bloody thing, and Kaz might not even have mocked him this time if he'd insisted on Jesper’s pick instead just so he could hide in Jesper’s arms for the most minor decapitations.

Jesper’s been talking through the whole film. Kaz got used to that a long time ago: the landing and failing of small non-sequitur jokes like rain against the window, whispered to Wylan who’s cuddled into his side on the left, or to Inej who’s burrowing under Jesper’s outstretched right arm. Sometimes Jesper thinks a quip will land better with Nina, so he shouts it over to the futon where she and Matthias are always just shy of engaging in heavy petting, and the really mean and bleak jokes he saves for when he’s made eye contact with Kaz.

Now, though: in this scene Mr Motorcycle and the gang boss are captured in a pawnshop and dragged into the basement, and Gang Boss gets raped. Inej’s hand is white-knuckled on Jesper’s arm, and Jesper’s talking non-stop. He’s talking about the flooding, and asking whether Inej thinks Doggerland will happen again but here, soon, you can never know when the scientists are so wrong about the speed of climate change, and apparently it all flooded in a day because something broke off Norway, and then he abruptly pivots to some demo where he bashed in a shop window and got new shoes, and then if she’s got dates for more street fights because then he’s in but please, don’t trick me into another book club, I don’t care about why the cops are bad I already know I just want to hit them—not topics Kaz would have chosen, exactly, but he’s rooted in his red leather armchair off to the side, not even able to hold her for comfort, not like Jes does now, and why didn’t they think to look up the content beforehand, why did they assume it was tame just because it’s an old film—and then, long after it’s over, Jesper idly asks, “Do you think Kaz could fuck someone in a full-body bondage suit?”

Wylan groans. Kaz wishes a sound existed that could express his own current emotion.

“You saw the guy, right?” Jesper turns over to Wylan, while still stroking Inej’s hair. “There was no skin on him. All leather. And that’s the trigger, so—might solve all our problems. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before!”

“I don’t see a huge difference,” Nina snipes. “Kaz is already in all-black, with gloves. Though I guess, that hood would hide his atrocious haircut…”

“Stop being so mean to Kaz, Jesper,” Matthias mumbles. “Although he does deserve it.”

Kaz downs his entire glass of vodka. When he tops his drink up for the second time—he exed the first refill right in the kitchen—he brings the bottle and some maracuja juice over and refills Jesper’s, too, because Jesper’s been anxiously glancing over at him, every moment he thinks Kaz has turned his head away, since he shot his stupid mouth off and actually, it’s—Kaz isn’t thinking about it now but it just might—maybe it could work—well, he fills up the glass to stop Jesper from worrying himself into yet another mental crisis and also so he can bend over Jesper’s ear and whisper lovingly, “I’m going to make the leather for the suit out of your skin.”

“We should look for an Ed Gein film next!” Jesper laughs, much more brightly than the joke warrants, and Kaz refuses to interpret the look on his face.

+

By the time Kaz gets back to the Slat, on a day roughly three months later, it’s long past two in the morning. He’s in a foul mood: of course Haskell won’t even reimburse him for the taxi he had to take because he missed the last metro. Of course he just told Kaz to take a night bus. Haskell won’t even apologize for the last minute details he wants included in his casino’s tax returns. The old man’s not even mentally capable of understanding the extra work he caused. Yes, Kaz is good at filing taxes creatively, exactly tailored for the business to pay nothing whatsoever and meticulous enough to never arouse any suspicion, but that takes work. Things have to balance. Haskell thinks Kaz just has to press a button, and that he’s paying Kaz so he doesn’t have to press the button himself, and that it’s only worth it because he doesn’t want to sully his mind with ‘the Spreadsheet Program’. Which is also why he’s loaning Kaz out to a friend of his, which he just remembered to mention today, for that guy’s mattress store slash money laundering business, so that’s even more work for nowhere near enough money.

Sometimes, Kaz amuses himself with the idea of sneaking in small ‘mistakes’. Enough for even the stupidest tax official to unravel the whole sordid scheme and land Haskell in prison for tax fraud, whereupon he’ll also be discovered to be involved with drug smuggling, blackmail, murder, … none of which will ever trace back to Kaz. But the one time he was livid enough to try, nothing happened. He’ll never manage to plunge the true depths of stupidity of an average bureaucrat, apparently, and is thus doomed to failure.

And anyway, it’s good regular money for little work. Usually. He can’t really complain. Especially not to his friends, because three are going legit, Inej will just rant about the uselessness of defrauding the Belastingdienst for a few measly million euros a year when the world’s being set on fire every day, and Jesper’ll tell him to quit, again, because they live in a squat after all. It’s not like they’re paying rent. Jesper’s never heard of forethought, or gratitude. He doesn’t know how many of his bills Kaz has paid off.

Kaz’s leg aches after the climb to the third story. Two more to go. As usual, right at this point he remembers the joke Jesper made eight months ago about fooling someone into installing a stair lift, and as usual, he dismisses it in disgust after two more steps. Stomps harder on the next flight of stairs, with grim satisfaction at the shooting pains in his knee. He doesn’t need help. He doesn’t need to move to a house with a working lift, and he doesn’t need a stair lift, either. Fuck you, Jesper. I’m the actual functional adult with a job in this household. I don’t need a stair lift.

That’s what he would throw at Jesper’s head, but it’s nearly three o’clock, and Jesper’s probably out. Over at Wylan’s, if he knows what’s good for him, but given how evasive he’s been all week, how manic… Inej’s still camping high up in some forest to save the frogs or something, but no news there is supposed to be good news. If the cops had chucked her off a tree house, it would have been on tv. About everything else, he can worry after he’s slept.

He doesn’t bother with the lights in his room. The streetlight coming in through his open curtains is more than enough, and anyway, he found the empty tenement he turned into the Slat five years ago, fully moved down here three years ago when he met Jesper, and he knows every single thing in his room by heart. The antique dresser he made Jesper and Matthias carry up with the threat of cutting off a finger for every scratch it received is next to the door, the place where he leaves his gloves and wallet and phone and cane. The coat rack beside it, where the hangers for his suit are, then the hamper, and at the foot of his bed the long black linen nightgown that Jesper’s never, ever allowed to see, and—

There’s a black shape on top of his bedcovers, Kaz realizes when he’s pulled on his nightgown.

Kaz takes his cane back. He hasn’t made any new enemies recently as far as he’s aware—none who know his name—but he was careless, brutal, desperate when he was a lone kid getting by on the streets, and those victims had gangs, families, business partners. Just because no-one’s ever traced little Kazzie the bastard rabid dog back to the Slat-that-wasn’t-then doesn’t mean a thing. The fact that the friends he started collecting press-ganged him into doing more behind-the-scenes embezzlement and fewer turf wars because ‘they’re watching us, they have all our faces and fingers and DNA on file and cameras everywhere and did you hear about that informer having kids with the activist he spied on?’ or the more pragmatic, ‘If you don’t stop fucking up your leg on purpose I’m going to send you to a kink party you fucking masochist’…

None of it means safety, not really, and Kaz is glad he’s alone now. They’ve all moved on, and even Jes… well, if he’d been here tonight then the whole squat would be trashed because Jesper doesn’t come quietly. And now, if he comes back to find Kaz gone or his throat slit… Jesper’s going to fucking collapse. He’s been one phone call away from going hysteric all week. Who knows, though—he has Wylan now, and maybe it’ll be the push he needed, the path none of them could ever find, to get his life back on a solid track.

All of that is presupposing that Kaz loses, of course.

And he does not intend to.

The weird black ninja on Kaz’ bed hasn’t reacted yet. They’re curled into a foetal position and they’re snuffling, quietly, because they’re asleep.

Not even assassins dressed up as b movie henchmen expect the toll taken by Per Haskell’s technical naïveté and utter disrespect for Kaz’ work-life balance, apparently. He got back home so late he missed his own murder. Well, then. Kaz hasn’t tortured anyone in two years and he may be out of practice, but the films he’s been forced to watch in the meantime have, if anything, made him more creative. He’ll teach them not to underestimate the brutality of Kaz Brekker, even when he’s moved up a few rungs in the ladder of Amsterdam’s underworld and landed a desk job.

He’ll—but Kaz hasn’t had to stalk silently towards his prey in two years, either. He’s underestimated the extent to which his lame leg’s gotten worse.

Also, someone’s pulled a box out from under his bed.

Kaz stumbles, and in the split-second before he catches himself on the edge of the mattress he wonders—will they have a gun? I can still bash them in the head before they fire, I haven’t gone that soft—and then the would-be assassin stretches out their lanky body as they wake up.

With their arms raised over their head, Kaz can see the bright white light of the street lanterns outside reflect off the gleaming black PVC fabric they’re wearing. Sleek and skin-tight, no ornamentation except a few steel buttons glinting at the crotch, and a full-cover leather hood over their face adorned with one-euro-sized rivets at the jaw, the forehead, the bridge of the nose, the large buckle around the neck. More buckles, at the back of the head and hanging off the right side at eye-height. The open silver zipper at the mouth reflects the streetlight, too, as does the padlock that hangs off it.

Oh no. Kaz knows that mask. Not even shoving it all the way back to the furthest corner under his bed allowed him to forget the way it looks.

Oh no.

Jesper yawns loudly. “Morning, boss. Evening. One of those. I thought you were finishing work early?”

“Haskell had some last-minute revisions to his tax returns.” Kaz sighs. “Don’t cook tomorrow. I’ll be out late for the whole next week—don’t expect me before three am. New client. I need to create a whole year’s documentations from scratch.”

“Just fuck him over, boss. He doesn’t appreciate you, and you don’t need the money. We live in a fucking squat.”

Sweet, financially illiterate nuisance Jesper, who probably doesn’t even know what that awful mistake he’s dressed in right now cost. The thing he’s dressed in. Which was hidden under Kaz’ bed. In Kaz’ room. Which they are inside right now. “You broke into my room,” Kaz rasps. “Again.”

“You know, Kaz,” Jesper replies with poorly feigned innocence, ”this thing is a little big for you. Fits me pretty well, though.”

“I told you I don’t keep cash under my bed. I told you that, the last time you tried to steal from me to pay off your gambling debts. I like my room organized as it is, and so I don’t keep any money here. Not under the bed, not in the wardrobe. And you won’t find any of my actual caches, because I’m smarter than you.”

“You’ve lied to me before.”

“You’ve stolen from me before. Remember last year? Remember you made Inej cry? I though you were clean. I thought you promised Wylan, when you asked him out, that you were done gambling. Maybe we all had too much trust in you.”

Jesper pulls his PVC-clad shoulders up to his en-leathered ears: a ridiculous sight, and Kaz doesn’t know what’s worse. That a bondage sex slave could actually look this dejected and humiliated and alone, or that Jesper does. He’s almost ready to call off the assault. It took a while to figure out, but as usual Inej was probably right, because she’s been researching and discussing the mental health industrial complex in general, and the traumatizing nature of modern life, with her comrades. Even though Kaz is neither the kind of person to touch people with kid gloves, and nor does he like thinking of Jesper as someone who needs that kind of handling—when Jesper’s in a shame spiral this deep then any criticism will drive him even deeper into the arms of the next casino. So the adrenaline and dopamine can wipe out everything else, or to feed his self-loathing even more by being exactly the person he’s terrified people think he is—Jes couldn’t quite explain it himself during the Intervention, except that everything is too much sometimes, even more too much and faster than usual.

He’s a pitiful creature. Kaz almost has pity. Then, though—

“It’s not working, boss. I know why you’re reminding me I fucking relapsed, again, and tried to steal from my best friend, again, and that I’m going to beg you to lie to Wy, again, but I still haven’t forgotten I’m wearing a bondage suit that you’ve been keeping under your bed for—two months now, is it?”

It’s just one month, actually. The manufacture and shipping took six whole weeks.

Two can play that game. Kaz might be very slightly embarrassed, but Jesper’s relapsed into the combination of addiction, theft and deceit that destroyed his life three years ago, and nearly did so again, two-and-a-half years ago and one year ago. “Careful. I haven’t even yet agreed to lie to Wylan, Jesper. About your problem. That you promised you’d tell him about.”

“Also, I notice it fits me, not Inej. Not Nina. Not Matthias. Not even Haskell, I bet. Me. Almost like it was made for me.”

Kaz ignores his insinuations. The answer’s obvious, anyway: yes, he did take clothes from the main washing pile in Jesper’s room and measured them. Yes, he used the measurements when he ordered a bondage suit. Yes, that’s creepy. Yes, a decent person would have asked. No, he’s not sorry. Jesper knew who Kaz was when he moved in with him. And it’s not like Kaz is the one who’s really at fault here. If Jesper just stopped gambling, he’d never have found out.

“Even attempted theft is illegal, Jesper. Completed robbery is worse. I cover my tracks, but you… you should be careful what you say now. They’re still looking for whoever robbed that jeweller last year.”

“Inej’s gonna cut off your head if you try. It’s like you never read her hoodies. All cats are beautiful, et cetera, Kaz. Thirteen-twelve. Keep up.”

Sometimes, the only thing that keeps Kaz from tossing Jesper out of the Slat is that Inej hates landlords and landlord-adjacents just as much as the pigs. If only he’d known back when he let the drunk penniless fancy uni boy who jumped into a fight to defend Kaz from some thugs—a fight Kaz would have won regardless—if only he’d known, before he let Jesper crash on his floor for a night or two, where all of this would end. “I’ll never mention anything about tonight again if you don’t either. Forget it. It was a bad idea. A failed plan. That’s all.”

“Without even trying it?”

“I will zip your mouth shut,” Kaz rasps. “I’ll lock it. I’ll throw the key into the harbour. Fuck you.”

Jesper, though, somehow got even mouthier when he put the bondage suit on. Less respectful. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. “Come on, Kaz,” he wheedles. “I put it on, right? So I’m fine with it, if you’re worried. Aren’t you curious? If our places had been reversed—well, if you’d found it in my room you’d have murdered me, so we’re not exactly identical, but still. Come on, sit down next to me. This is—PVC right? Good job choosing me. Inej would hate it. So much plastic.”

“It’s less like skin than leather.”

“Not complaining, Kaz. I have some juice with a straw over there to keep me hydrated in case I sweat like a pig, but I haven’t, yet. I can probably camp out in this for a few more hours.” He tries a patented Jesper I’m flirting in an over the top way to make you laugh which is my flirting style for when I’m genuinely worried about the reaction because this way I can pass off exasperation and mockery as the response I intended look, probably with fluttering eyes, but since Kaz can barely make them out through those open zippers and the rest of his face is a complete mystery, it falls flat. It looks ridiculous, though, so it also works, and Jesper has the nerve of complaining about Kaz’ eight-dimensional chess plans. He’s worse. He’s worse, and animated by Jesper’s ridiculous, familiar movements the bondage suit doesn’t look like a pathetic attempt anymore. Not like the desperation of an emotional cripple. It just looks like Jesper, with an extra layer on his skin. Jesper, probably making a duckface, purring, “Don’t you think I’m sexy?”

Kaz looks away. “Are you serious right now?”

“Of course,” Jesper replies instantly, as if there was never any reason to doubt him. As if he doesn’t blame Kaz for doubting, simultaneously. As if Kaz is allowed to try. To fail. To fuck up, risk hurting him. There is a reason why Kaz never even considered someone else for the suit. “Come on, get on the bed.”

“We have to talk with Inej first. And with Wylan.”

“One-track mind,” Jesper replies, and just like that Kaz is ready to murder him again. “We’re not fucking. We’re not doing more than normal, except maybe touch. We don’t even know yet whether this helps you. I’m not risking it. We’ll just try touching, and if you think it’s triggering, we stop. We’ve got all the time in the world to work up to more. Until this city sinks into the ocean and the grid collapses from heat, which might be tomorrow, so. Or the fascists win.”

“You’ve been listening to Inej.”

“I do try to keep up.”

“Well, stop. Or listen more carefully, until the end, when she gets to the doomerism is the opiate of the masses part.”

“Just get on the bed, Kaz.”

Kaz puts his bent good knee onto the mattress and pulls himself over to Jesper. The fabric of his linen smock rubs against his heated skin: not like corpses, not like that, not like Jordie and he won’t even think about him or this will be over but—it just feels like his own familiar coarse age-softened nightgown that Jesper hasn’t even made fun of yet, his thin nightgown that in a second will be one of only two layers between him and Jesper.

He rolls over so he can sit down next to Jesper, at first. Daringly, he leans an arm against his best—well, they’ll figure that out later.

“Okay?” Jesper asks. He has to crane his head a lot to look through the thin eye slits of his bondage mask at Kaz’ face, and even then he’s probably mostly seeing the gleaming teeth of the eyehole zippers. And still he leans forward forty-five degrees and twists his torso and neck so he can look up into Kaz’ face, carefully keeping the arm that’s touching Kaz as motionless as possible, because he’s being careful with Kaz. Kaz has told him a thousand times he hates being coddled. He’s not a poor little abused dog, he’s a vicious murderer who destroyed his leg and his ability to be close to people while he was murdering, that’s all he ever told Jesper. That lie. And yet—even if he’s only fooling himself because this scene is so patently ridiculous, and the psych ward he got sent to once for the crime of rough sleeping while underage would stamp every single thing about what they’re doing as deeply unhealthy, and he can’t see Jesper’s soft concerned expression under the hood… Whatever it is, Kaz feels warm all over. He feels good. Safe.

Jesper can tell, apparently. “Want to touch my chest? Or climb into my lap?”

Kaz moves over, carefully smoothing down his nightgown before he sits down on Jesper, angled so he can lean with his left arm pressed against Jesper’s chest. It’s safer, somehow, than giving him the back, but perhaps someday…

Jesper loosely wraps his arms around Kaz. They’re just there, barely touching, the hands lax on top of Kaz’ right knee. You can leave at any time, they say, I’ll let go as soon as you’re uncomfortable, and Kaz would have known that regardless. Jesper’s never usually this still, unless he’s lost in concentration: and Kaz, who’s seen how gambling can destroy someone’s life, how it is currently destroying someone’s life, would still bet everything he has ever owned that Jesper’s concentrating on every single aspect of Kaz’ body language right now.

It’s not necessary, though. Those hands are gleaming black PVC. They don’t look or feel anything like Kaz’ memories.

He drops his own naked right hand onto Jesper’s gloved one. Joins them. Anchors Jesper. “How much do you owe this time, Jes?”

A beat. Jesper’s face drops down towards Kaz’ lap. Trying to hide his shame, and he’s forgotten that he’s wearing a full bondage mask, that Kaz can barely make out his eyes through the slits of the zippers. If he’s trying to deny everything, Kaz will just beat it out of him. He’s done it before. A year ago, when it was bad, but Jesper promised he got it under control. But Jesper’s promises were never worth much, not for this. If they were, they’d never have met.

“Four grand.”

“To?”

“Tom Geels. One of Big Bol’s old friends—”

“So he put you up to—”

“I was already playing when he walked up to me, Kaz,” Jesper grinds out. Aware that he could save himself from at least a little of Kaz’ disappointment by casting Bollinger as the tempter. Simultaneously aware that Kaz promised to feed Bollinger to a marine propeller last year if he ever took Jesper gambling again. Noble, to try and save Bollinger’s life—or to save Kaz from committing another murder—not that either of them deserves his loyalty. “I’ll pay you back, Kaz. I’ll have the money. Give me—give me half a year, Da’s still sending me—sending me rent money, Christ, he’s—I’ll save it. No, you’ll get it straight as soon as I get it, and in six months, you’re paid back in full. I promise.”

“We’ll figure it out. I have some jobs I could use you on. Nothing big. Intimidation, mostly. Some breaking, some entering. Boring stuff, not even worth mentioning to Wylan I should think.”

“Thank you.” Jesper’s forgotten all his restraint. He’s kissing Kaz’ forehead, or rather kissing the inside of his mask that’s pressed against Kaz’ forehead. He’s wrapped Kaz tightly in his long bondage arms too, painfully twisting Kaz’ shoulder and elbow and wrist because Kaz is still holding onto his hand. It’s that welcome pain, and the texture of the bondage suit that Kaz still isn’t completely used to, that keeps him from breaking Jesper’s nose. Keeps him—he isn’t back in the North Sea. He isn’t with Jordie. He should be, but he isn’t, and even if it comes…

Inej taught him about grounding. None of them trust the system as far as they can throw it, so she didn’t send him to a shrink when they started dating, unlike he feared, but—she said they helped her, those grounding exercises she found on the internet, and so Kaz has been diligently practicing breathing techniques and focusing his awareness on details of the present moment. Five things he can see: well, it’s dark, but the way what little streetlight gets through reflects off the folds of the suit on Jesper’s bowed stomach is quite interesting. His own knees. His hand, still clutching Jesper’s. The cane, on the floor. The floor. Five things he can hear: early morning traffic, Jesper’s breath, Jesper trying not to sob out loud in relief or shame or a mixture of both, the rustling of fabric, the squeaking of fabric. Five things he can feel: The old ache of his leg, always. Jesper’s hand. Jesper’s thighs. The hard buttons at the flap over Jesper’s crotch, digging into his side.

Somehow, Jesper’s noticed his shift in focus. At least he’s stopped crying now. “You know, you could have just asked how big I am if you wanted a suit with a dick pouch,” he teases in a voice that almost manages to sound happy. “I wouldn’t even have been suspicious.”

“Just because you have no boundaries, Jes, doesn’t mean I have to sink down to meet you at your level.”

Jesper takes a big breath. To forestall the whole Who bought this bondage suit argument Kaz elbows him in the stomach, hard. Once Jesper’s done coughing—a wriggling movement against Kaz’ side that he’s never even felt before—he mumbles something else, though. “I texted Da my new number. He called last week. Wanted to know how I was doing,” and oh. That makes sense. That’s what did it. “Apparently I’m graduating in seven months, according to that fake schedule you made me so I could keep my lies straight. He wants to come to the graduation. He asked me whether I have a job lined up.”

“I could hire somebody to fake you a degree,” Kaz offers. This should be Inej’s job. She shouldn’t be off somewhere, saving grasshoppers. She should be here. She’s the one who tried to talk Jesper into coming clean to his father, last year. All Kaz knows, all he has ever done, is to keep digging, and it’s worked for him. So far. “It’s all the rage now I hear. Cheap, too. No-one will find out. Just don’t become a politician in Germany.”

Jesper sighs. The air kisses the back of Kaz’ neck. “I don’t even care anymore. I could have a degree, or not, it all doesn’t matter. Universities are a scam to regulate economic class relations anyway. I don’t know that I can keep lying forever, or get a job, just so I don’t have to tell Da I betrayed him. Because nothing matters anyway. We’re collectively throwing the future down the drain. It’s not like anyone needs another mechanical engineer when we hit four degrees. I don’t know what we need. I just know everything I know is pointless.”

“I’m sure Inej can hook you up, if you want to blow up a coal power plant.”

“But what about you, then? What would you do?”

“I could have you kidnapped,” Kaz says. That’s not what Jesper meant. Kaz refuses to think about what Jesper meant. “Fake your death. Colm will be so relieved when they find you that he won’t even care you failed all your studies so you could become a live-in human blow-up doll.”

“That’ll only keep Da happy for a year at most and you know it.”

“Well, then Colm’s just going to have to get used to it. Get used to you, like we did. Real, annoying, good-for-nothing directionless screw-up Jesper.”

Jesper rubs his leathered cheek against the crown of Kaz’ head. “Fuck you. Thanks.”

Kaz runs his fingers over the squeaky PVC on Jesper’s forearms, steeling himself before he whispers idly against Jesper’s neck, “If Inej’s right about the warming and the sea level over the next decades, it won’t just be refugees from the south we’re letting drown, people it’s easy to lock out. Maybe you’re right about the Doggerland thing, and we all get flooded.” He swallows. The words are high up in his throat, trying to spew out. “Then it won’t just be one stupid child with a stupid family going out boating in the North Sea when there’s a storm coming. Not just that one kid thrown out of a sinking boat nearly drowning and clinging to his brother’s corpse. Your blow-up doll skills will be in high demand if everyone else gets triggered by skin contact too.”

Jesper, miraculously, reveals a talent Kaz didn’t even know he possessed: he shuts up. He ghosts his gloved hands over Kaz’ shoulders, and then he starts carding his fingers through Kaz’ hair. Kaz can feel the static electricity building up, the crackles and the safety, and then he realizes his eyes have drifted shut. He realizes he doesn’t know how long Jesper’s been petting him.

“Take off your hood,” he mumbles.

“Kaz?”

“Take it off. Scuttle over so your head’s on the pillow.”

Jesper obeys, like Kaz always knew he would. He looks up at Kaz with something that might be confusion but might also be—trust and deep joy and more, something Kaz can’t quite admit anymore now he’s in his bed, and Kaz puts his head down on his chest. His legs will still fit, and this way, he has the squeaky PVC right where he needs it. Squeaky, rhythmically rising warm dry plastic under him. The exact opposite of a waterlogged corpse.

“I don’t have time to call you an ambulance when you get into a bondage suit erotic asphyxiation incident, just so you know. I have a full schedule for today, remember. I’ll be at Haskell’s until after midnight. I have to break Bollinger’s thumbs. My alarm is at seven. Turn it off and I’ll send you to Colm in bite-sized pieces,” Kaz rasps, and then, with a movement that no-one would call timid if they wanted to keep their tongue attached, wraps his arms around Jesper. “You’ve kept me awake for two hours, so be a good pillow. If I kick you off the bed while I’m dozing, remember. This is your fault.”

[funkymbtifiction]

Thanks a lot for answering! I wonder could you please give examples of everyday deeds/types of behavior of different primaries and secondaries? Like what are they like when there's a school test or when they need to visit a doctor? The more the better. Something more down-to-earth than the situations from the fantasy movies listed on the website that may never take place in the real world, something found in everyday life that will help someone identify themselves and mb others around them

I’m not sure I can do that, because frankly, your Primary House is a state of mind. It’s what you want and how you feel about things (or do not feel, in the case of Ravenclaws, ahem). But I can talk about a few things, particularly in response to Harry Potter, that can shed light on the state of mind of the Primary.

What I have most noticed about people in general is that we all have a built-in bias, and in order to find our true type—whether that is our MBTI type, our Enneagram core and tritype, or our Hogwarts House combination—we must abandon our ego defenses. What does that mean? We have to overcome our biases and want to know our true self, and own it, more than we want to fight against an answer that might not please us. In the Enneagram, I’ve noticed particular biases against being a 2 or a 6. Everyone wants to be the more “glamorous” 4 or the elusive, bookworm 5.

Harry Potter, for better or worse, introduced us to the concept of Hogwarts Houses, but also introduced us to a bias, because it made Gryffindor the most glamorous House, due to all the main characters (however unrealistically) hailing from that House. Or, at least, all the main characters we like. Ravenclaw is full of wise weirdos like Luna Lovegood, who irrationally believes in things no one can prove. Slytherin is host to mostly back-stabbing, snobbish cheaters. And Hufflepuff is an “afterthought” where all “the boring, nice people are.”

What I like about Sorting Hat Chats is… they made the entire system more interesting and a lot fairer. Now, Slytherin isn’t the only House with villains automatically placed in it: their villains have to be specific in their love (and not betray their family, because it is the house of My Family is My Life). This also means people, fictional or real, who prioritize their loved ones, are Slytherins. Such as Mr. Darcy, or Katniss Everdeen. Suddenly, being a Slytherin doesn’t seem so bad, right? Not if you are loyal to the ones you love! That alone will appeal to the mindset of a Slytherin, because they will think, “Of COURSE I am. Of COURSE my loved ones come first! They SHOULD!”

I have friends in all four Primary Houses, but I will use myself as an example of the Ravenclaw. When I was reading the books, having all the main characters in Gryffindor bothered me, because not only did it show a bias, but I felt some of the main characters ‘belonged’ in other Houses—such as Remus Lupin being a Hufflepuff rather than a Gryffindor. I also felt like Hermione belonged in Ravenclaw. But that is neither here nor there… my objections to the system came from the logical flaws in how she arranged it. It wasn’t realistic to have everyone ‘important’ or ‘admirable’ within the story come from Gryffindor. It was easier to have them share Common Rooms, but people don’t isolate like that and only befriend someone from their House. They look for like-minded friends who share interests, and would make them all over the place. It was my little Ravenclaw brain, pulling away at her system and finding flaws in its logic, but reacting from a place of logical reasoning rather than moral indignation.

When I took the SHC test, it placed me in Slytherin. And I was not opposed to that. In fact, I explored it for a long time, as I thought about how I respond in various situations. Slytherin appealed to me, because… I wish I could stand up for my family automatically. I wish I could prioritize my loved ones all the time. But I kept hitting upon the fact that – I like to think about things in a detached manner, and come to what I feel is a rational consensus. It’s more clinical and less emotional than Slytherins are—and it helped at the time that I knew a Slytherin, and could easily see both how possessive she was of people (they are “mine to protect” – she always reminded me of Slytherin Sam Gamgee in The Lord of the Rings, with his “MY MR. FRODO”) and how, without fail, her sister came before even me, her best friend. Through comparison, I knew I had to be something else. So in typical Ravenclaw fashion, I went through and considered them all. Because, as a Ravenclaw, I want to be RIGHT more than protect my ego. I am always looking for the truth, even when it hurts. And I am always measuring the world against an ideal in my head, built up of my belief system. I do not go against my beliefs; I mold myself to them. And it shocks me to find others who do not, but who claim to be the same as I am. I take, for example, my Christian faith seriously—so what do you mean you are ignoring what your faith says, and doing whatever you want??? YOU MOLD TO YOUR BELIEFS, DON’T YOU? Well, yes, if you are a Ravenclaw, you do. If you are any other House, you do not.

The Hufflepuff Primary I know has a far more ‘felt’ opinion of the books and their sorting system. She got livid reading them, and thinking about how constantly unfair it all was, how biased Rowling was, and how Dumbledore was clearly playing favorites constantly with Gryffindor House. She developed a bad attitude about him as a result… which, of course, is coming from her being a Hufflepuff. To a Hufflepuff, people come first. They are all treated fairly and seen as equals. You do not discriminate, you do not alienate, you do not give unfair favors to Harry and his friends, just so Gryffindor can win the House Cup over and over again. She was actually so angry about this, from a Hufflepuff perspective, that she was willing to be a Slytherin in defiance of ‘The System’ until she realized that kind of mindset is… pure Hufflepuff. “You are not being fair about this, I will oppose you.” It’s all instinctual, it’s all emotional, and it’s all loyalty to the human race, which includes Slytherins. (This caused us some friction for awhile, until I realized it was “just a Hufflepuff” objection, because... how can you be mad at Dumbledore for that? It’s just a convenient plot device in the book! ... says the Ravenclaw who isn’t getting too emotionally involved. ;)

The Slytherin I know, by the way, denied being a Slytherin at first, because she felt ashamed of it. She has been taught to act like a Hufflepuff, that she SHOULD care about everyone all the time, but… she does not. She cares about her loved ones the most, and she would protect them above other people, every time. I pointed out to her that Hufflepuff fits her less than Slytherin, because “You ARE Katniss. You told me that once. That you identified so heavily with her, because you would go into the arena for your Prim.” And then she admitted it, and saw the gloriousness that is being a loyal Slytherin.

The Gryffindor I know is always looking for a Cause, and… as a Ravenclaw, I find that exhausting. She wants to be mad about things, because that anger gives her the fire she needs to do something about it. She has taken on big Causes by financially supporting the Causes she cares about, and done physical things about smaller Causes. For example, as a teenager, she came upon three guys tormenting a dog. It made her so livid, she charged straight at them, swearing and screaming at them to leave the animal alone, and it scared them all so much, they turned tail and ran. She just knew it was the right thing to do, and she and I often butt heads a lot, because she expects everyone else (meaning me) to be as passionate as she is about doing the ‘right thing.’ My more detached “well, let’s look at both sides of this issue” has no place in her black and white Gryffindor mind (no, that is WRONG).

Secondary Houses are… something that may take a little more time to figure out, as you think about how you handle the ‘unexpected.’

Gryffindors… have to speak up if they see an injustice, or hear something they disagree with. They are they person who cannot keep their mouth shut, they need to voice their opinion. They don’t care if you don’t like it or don’t agree, to not state their views would be antagonistic to their central self. My Hufflepuff friend is a Gryffindor Secondary. Not only did she get mad about the biases in Harry Potter, she complained loudly about it, to me, and to other people, and even in a blog post, because the injustice of it needed drawn-attention to, and dealt with, and she doesn’t really care if you disagree. That’s just how she rolls, about EVERYTHING. Because Gryffindor Secondaries state their views. They see an injustice, and they rush toward it. (My Gryffindor friend is also a Gryffindor Secondary: see dog being abused, rush in to do something about it!)

Ravenclaws… want to prepare for everything, and then rely on their own skill set to handle problems as they arise. They are the person who, when their bike breaks down halfway home, consider what they know about bikes (can they fix this easily?), and what they know about public transportation (am I going to be able to catch a bus home?), and make decisions from there. Or who study for a test in advance and show up, only to panic because they found out they read the wrong chapter in the book and know nothing about it. My father is a Gryffindor with a Ravenclaw Secondary, and he over-prepares himself with any useful knowledge he thinks he might need to combat a wide variety of situations—and then is stumped if confronted by something he did not prepare for, and knows nothing about. He is always trying to think ahead and prepare so that he doesn’t have to improvise anything at the last second—because he sucks at it.

It was a comparison with him that actually shifted me away from assuming I had a Ravenclaw Secondary, because… I don’t suck at improvising. I’m actually quite good at it. And I don’t over-prepare, because in true Hufflepuff Secondary position, I figure I can ask someone for help. And they always give it to me. But what really cemented the deal for me, in terms of recognizing my Puff Secondary House, were two—no, make that three, truths from my life. 1) Ravenpuffs distill complex information and put it back out into the world for others to enjoy (hello, Funky!). 2) Puff Secondaries show up and do the tireless work, clock the hours, and are highly reliable, which is… me. I have run this site day in and day out for years. I am punctual, fastidious, I put my responsibilities ahead of all else (even turning down fun occasions because I need to work), and I will painstakingly work on perfecting something, finishing something, improving something, or polishing something (even when I’m bored). In short, I show up and do the work. And 3) the truth that Puff Secondaries have friends to stand up for them, because they have proven themselves reliable and trustworthy, is no joke. A few years ago, I had trouble with someone online and, without being asked, three of our mutual friends came to my defense. Proof of the Puff.

Lastly, Slytherin Secondaries are highly adaptable. It’s no problem for them to shift their approach given the needs of the situation. It’s the equivalent of a friend you admire, but who puzzles you (if you don’t share their Slytherin Secondary trait) because… it seems like they are a different person everywhere you go, because whatever is needed, they can become it. They are the person who has no trouble with change and no need to plan, because they just trust that it’s all going to work out fine, based on their ability to adapt. It’s the person who shows up at a friend’s birthday party expecting it to be formal, finds out it’s casual, sneaks into the bathroom to rearrange their attire, and emerges ready to play Twister. Or who will be serious with you, joke constantly with your brother, and behave like a saint around your mom, according to whatever works and appeals to you the best.

Hope some of that helps, though it wasn’t explicitly what you asked for. Best this ENFP can do, since in-depth sensory specific examples require a heck of a lot more Si than I’ve got. :P

[jacobthedinogeek]

So as a Harry Potter fan who watched the movies before reading the books, I have a few shall we say controversial opinions mostly on the film adaptations. Now, let's get one thing straight here; I 100% believe that the books are superior and there are definitely changes I didn't like in the films. Nonetheless, the opinions I share here will surely cause most Harry Potter fans to hate me. So here we go.

- Harry may not have contained the majority of his sass from the books, but that does not ruin his character. Daniel Radcliffe still manages to portray his bravery, loyalty, intrigue and inner struggle, in turn making a near perfect representation of Harry Potter.

- On that note, Ron may not have had a lot of his better moments from the book, but there was still enough in the movies to give me the idea that he was a loyal, if at times difficult friend to Harry.

- I really don't care about the shipping war drama. Ronmione is canon and that's all I need. The chemistry Rupert and Emma share is good enough for me.

- Following that, I prefer their kiss in the movie than the book. The book was all told from Harry's point of view, so we had to witness the kiss in the midst of all the panic students after they said what they did in the Chamber of Secrets. The movie takes proper advantage of its visual medium and shows us Ron and Hermione traveling to the Chamber of Secrets, destroying the horcrux, and then sharing a kiss in a much more private and less chaotic location. Yes the chamber isn't the most romantic place and yes the book kiss can be seen as an 'in the heat of passion' moment, but I still find the movie kiss to simply be more practical and better presented.

- Harry's final duel against Voldemort is flipping epic in the book, don't get me wrong, but I think the movie made the right choice in changing it to a more active fight. I simply see it as a proper change of medium. In the book, Harry and Voldemort having that last verbal argument before finishing the duel in a single strike is amazing to read, but in a movie it would have been pretty boring and slowed the pacing to a crawl. So instead we get an incredibly dynamic battle where they teleport, evade each other and finish it off in the courtyard literally crawling to each of their wands, while other parts of the battle happens at the same time. It was simply amazing to watch.

- Harry's decision to break the Elder Wand in the movie made perfect sense to me. Unless I'm missing a detail (which I will surely be ridiculed for if I am), Harry's intention with the Elder Wand, as well as the other Deathly Hallows, was to keep them hidden and out of touch from the outside world, so that when he dies, likely from natural causes, the Elder Wand will lose its power and have no true owner. In this sense, I find breaking the Wand and tossing it off the bridge makes more sense if anything. Boom, problem solved and we get a good visual of Harry humbly rejecting that kind of power. (He could have used it to fix his own Wand though).

- Dumbledore screaming at Harry about the Goblet of Fire was certainly a bad choice, no argument there. I can certainly go on about why that was a wrong change to make. However, it doesn't ruin the movie's interpretation of Dumbledore nor does it ruin Michael Gambin's performance. RIP Richard Harris, it would have been great to see you continue to play him, but Michael Gambin did a fantastic job of portraying the complex old wizard in the later movies.

- Hagrid does not get enough credit as a character and Robbie Coltrane does not get enough credit for playing him perfectly. To me, Hagrid is the embodiment of true humility. After everything that happened to him, the harassment he recieved as a half giant, being falsely accused of opening the Chamber of Secrets, and all Dumbledore can get him is a job as a grounds keeper, and the man is still honoured to be working there without a hint of bitterness or demand for higher retribution. He only ever gets angry when someone else is bullied, harrased or threatened. The way that Robbie Coltrane changes his tone with the Dursleys as soon as they insult Dumbledore still gives me chills, like he can go from big lovable teddy bear to drawing out his umbrella and muttering "don't ever insult Albus Dumbledore in front of me ever again". Agrh, such an underrated performance.

- Snape is first off a very different character from book to screen. Where as the book version is a downright abusive sociopath, the movie is much more like a moody loner, which means that those who only watch the movies don't tend to hate him that much. On that note, the scene where Ron defends Hermione from his insults in the book but not in the movie is more of a difference in Snape's character than it is if Ron's (that's right, I'm defending movie Ron again). Because of the downright cruelty of book Snape, Ron and pretty much all of the Gryffindors jump to her defense when Snape calls her a know it all, even though they'd all agree with him. They probably make fun of her for it on their own time but that doesn't stop them from banding together against a man like Snape. The movie version of Snape doesn't portray nearly the same amount of cruelty so there isn't much of a motivation to argue against him.

- Speaking of Snape, I'm going to say something that will cause you guys to shutter. I hate book Snape as a person and don't think he deserves forgiveness, but I love him as a character and wouldn't change anything about him. I'm here for a fictional story and sometimes truly complex characters and morally grey characters are what I want. He truly is a despicable human being, but when he does something noble, even if it's for selfish reasons, I am more invested in his character. Movie Snape might be a more likable person and more sympathetic in a sense, but book Snape will always be a more complex, interesting and ultimately unique character.

- Finally, and please hear me out for this one, Black Hermione is not canon, but I still love the idea of her being black in Fanon. There is a line in the third book that describes her white face as she's looking around a tree. Boom, not canon. That being said, I love seeing all the fanart and fanfiction that re-imagines her as a black woman, as well as Harry as an Indian person. I like it and I encourage other creators to continue to explore it. But if you're going to argue that that stuff is canon, there's simply concrete proof it isn't. I know I'm speaking to a minority with this one as most fans clearly understand this and don't take it too far, but if you're someone who not only tries to debate this but also openly mocks and harrasses others, especially the filmmakers for casting caucasian actors in the roles, then you're the one being truly disrespectful.

Well there you have it. Those are my controversial Harry Potter opinions. Feel free to hate me for them.

[moomota]

I FOUND A SONG THAT IS BASICALLY SUNNY’S CHARACTER

its this  ,i tried posting this earlier but tumblr formatting sucks so ill try again, lyrics i found super close to sunnys character have short explanations in parentheses after them)

Thought cycle gusty a mind filled with hot air

Must I care for nothing more than myself?

Do I dare admit the fraught thoughts cavorting, resorting in inner-directed mourning (not just black space, but the entirety of dreamworld),

 for the part of me that was selfless but left without a warning

Well that’s what I said, but maybe it’s the fact that I detest, this obsession with myself that leaves a mess inside my head

Oh shit, I’m doing it again, repelling any potential friend (shutting out his friends), 

revealing my innate ability to never fully comprehend (him being unable to face his guilt), anything bigger than myself, but in the end I still pretend (staying in the dreamworld/not going out into the real world even when given the choice to go out)

Condescending anyone polite enough to choose to misspend their time watching me as I achieve, my secret social mission; To drain people with my boring stories and opinions (sunnys insecurities/thoughts that he is selfish; that he only goes to his friends and not in return)

To see the bigger picture; takes intelligence and wisdom, But I won’t see nothing but just myself in my vision (sunnys choice to close out everything outside his dreams in the real world)

I go outside, a blitz of faces unwilling to confess to any empathy, endlessly, incessantly declining any pleasantries

Heavily breathing, socially teething, I’m open like a vivisection

Intense tendency to dwell, seething over missed connections (not only over his late sister, but his old friend group as well). 

Infected by my perceptions that I’m a non-entity 

Project my insecurity until intensity is weaponry (his emotions and insecurities weaponizing into something that can cause harm, both in the dream world and in the real one, or his fight with basil in basils bedroom at night)

Grieving a heavenly fiction I perceived while I was dreaming. Awake! (his contrast between the waking world sunny vs omori)

Freezing, wheezing, fundamentally I’m still believing that

This is an elegy for concepts I conceived in deep sleep (all the ideas of the dreamworld, white space, black space)

And I helplessly watch them fade while I awake–I try and keep them alive (sunny trying to uphold the safeness/comfort it gives him to cope)

Incomparable with life but eventually they die (basil and mari constantly leading sunny to the truth)

And the brain I used to cultivate reveals my lovers were a lie   When inside my mind I find a way to replicate reality

Through lucid dreaming I decimate the limitations of actuality. Capacity practically eternal, mortality external (obviously sunny creating beings and interactions that are impossible, upholding the fanatical feeling to cope)

No God, but I investigate the blasphemous worship of the nocturnal

Internally existing without morality creates profanities without the travesty, and compared to the apathy of realness, I reveal my own insanity (the eventual reveal of black space(s))

The majesty of fantasy protects me from tragedy (need i explain?)

Normalities effect traject agony of rationality, which thankfully penetrates with no avail to my unreality

An elaborately designed, privately owned spiral galaxy (a world he only knows, a world he (sort of controls), a galaxy that he controls in his mind that bends to his will)

Financially I’m failing, naturally decaying (sunnys body in real life slowly becoming frailer)

Soon I’ll have no place safe to sleep If these bills still need paying

Displaying cravings with open eyes for something mind-expanding

For when I drift away I see the totality of understanding (bad ending)