#this podcast has a death choke one me

[bexyarts]

I want to say as a JRWI fan people who give Gillion a fish tail are GODSENDS LIKE AAAAAAA

[kth1]

Welcome to Woodsboro [KTH]

⟶ Welcome to Woodsboro [Taehyung x Female Reader] ⟶ Genre: Thriller, Horror-themed, Some Fluff, Established Relationship, Smut, One Shot, 18+ ⟶ Warnings: mentions of the scream lore, mentions of killers (main characters are alive and well), references killings, references murders, references death, uses a fake knife, fingering, unprotected, slight choking, tiny roleplay, creampie, etc. ⟶ WC: 15.8k+ ⟶ Beta: wittle tiny hali @haliiimede​ ⟶ Summary: One generation's tragedy is the next one's joke as two horror enthusiasts set out to visit California's most infamous murder site, Woodsboro. Decorated like a festival throughout the town is none other than the haunting and creepy mask of Ghostface. As an area with a history of a gruesome and terrorizing past, there is nothing better for fanatics from all around to show up on the anniversary of the very first murder that set off decades of repetitive fear. ⟶ Author’s Note: Apart of Bangtan Cinema: Horror Night! I’m super stoked to dabble in an AU which I personally love so dearly! Scream is my favorite horror franchise and slasher story, so it was only time for me to step down into the spooky pits of this type of story! Fun feedback is greatly appreciated if you have the time! Side note: This story takes place right after the 2021 film! So for those who know Scream, you will understand a bit better! Also I know my banner is super misleading but it’s so sexy so I don’t care.

The two seater Chevrolet Spark, which you and Taehyung drive in, cruises down the highway at impeccable speed given its size and stature. Zipping through lanes and passing slower cars all while doing the acceptable speed limit to reach your destination of choice. Which is none other than the well-known town in California named Woodsboro; a once quiet area many moons ago, now laced with a looming darkness and a chilling past. A hot spot for all horror enthusiasts to visit with curiosity and eagerness due to the story of former resident, Sidney Prescott.

To this day, Woodsboro is one of California’s most marketed and commercial murder sites.

Taehyung, your boyfriend for some time now, and yourself set out on a road trip to visit several famous murder-magnet areas across state lines throughout North America. Having a strong knack and liking towards horror as a whole; both you and Taehyung run your own podcast and occasional YouTube streams about several types of horror-related thoughts and opinions. Digging deep into the topics on hand and investigating the stories behind the stories of each subject.

The two of you managed to find another through your similar interests. Both individually having your own livestreams and eventually merging together as one after several personal interactions later. Together, the two of you take on the world of horror whether it be nonfiction or not!

You’ve been on the road for nearly 4 hours as your vehicle inches closer to Woodsboro. Taehyung takes on the wheel with ease, opting to use cruise control when necessary while you two share fast food fries tucked into the center console. The GPS on the dashboard indicates the two of you should be arriving shortly and excitement inside sparks higher than ever.

Mindlessly, you watch on your phone a new interview on Kirby Reed, a survivor from one of Woodboro’s murder sprees back in 2011. You mentally take note of a few sentences she states, trying to compare things she is speaking about now versus from when she was first interviewed 9 years ago. How much she has grown and changed throughout the years of being a survivor and taking life on with a new perspective.

“You know,” Taehyung begins speaking, “I’m surprised they haven’t made another Stab movie after the last massacre.”

“Do you mean the one Kirby was a part of or do you mean the one that happened literally last year?”

“Honestly, both. Considering that every-so-often something happens in Woodsboro or in regard to Sidney. I’m curious why the franchise didn’t come up with another movie to continue. I’m feeling a little dry over here with my favorite classic.”

You laugh a little as you tap through your phone to Google about any updates in reference to any future Stab movies. Clicking your tongue, you ease further back into your seat as you read the letters on your device.

“Says here it doesn’t look like there are any production talks about another Stab. Probably because the last film, Stab 8, was utterly terrible and Hollywood realized that it’s a dead franchise without Sidney’s story or Gale Weathers’ books to keep it alive.”

Taehyung grabs a handful of fries to shove into his mouth as he monitors the road ahead of him. His eyes watch for the large signs above that’ll signal the upcoming exits and the distance he has to get to them. 

“Stab 5 was awful too,” he quips, “That shit even had time travel in it. But I still loved it!”

“I think you’re hooked on the idea of Ghostface more than anything now,” you laugh at him while admiring his side profile and honey blonde hair.

Taehyung cracks a small smile, knowing very well that you are correct. His love for the entire Sidney Prescott lore stuck with him ever since he first learned about it. Something about the story just appeals to him, even though it’s a corrupted story and not one you would read in a happy fairytale book.

“To be fair, you like it too.”

“I do,” you affirm with a smile. “And we have several podcasts and documentaries to thrive off of! I don’t think we need another Stab movie.”

“Unless…” Taehyung grins as his hands run across the steering wheel.

You blink at him, awaiting his next words.

“Unless they went back, like they normally do with the classics, and remake everything from the beginning! New cast, new views, new –”

“– The first 3, the original trilogy, are solely based off of Sidney Prescott and Gale Weathers’ books! How are you going to remake something based on real events and get away with it? Besides, Sidney threatened to sue the companies if they continued with her story. That’s why we have all these extra movies that half the time don’t make any sense.”

You laugh at the sudden pout formed on Taehyung’s lips that match the turned down brows on his forehead. He tilts his head as he huffs quickly, giving off a disputed noise.

“Haven’t you read into all of the murder massacres?”

His tone sounds defensive but you find it cute. You’re not trying to rile him up, although you are here for it if he speaks up. Taehyung normally becomes very passionate over his opinions and almost always has the need to express them.

“Are you saying I’ve never done my homework on Woodsboro? I’m quite offended,” you feign hurt. “Of course I know what went on. We did have a variety of podcasts entirely on Woodsboro.”

“Then you do realize that nearly all the murders were trying to out-do the original?”

A ping alerts on the dashboard before you, warning that your exit is coming up on the right. Taehyung merges into the closer lane when the coast is clear, taking the car out of cruise control in the meantime.

You question him with a puzzled look, “Are you seriously using that to ground your argument for another Stab movie?”

“It’s pretty solid if you ask me.”

The car slows down to a lesser speed as Taehyung directs it through an exit. The road bends slightly, pulling off of the California freeway and approaching the first set of traffic lights you’ve seen in hours. A green sign posted in the ground on the other side of the street welcomes you with the words “Woodsboro: City Limit”.

You begin to fidget with giddiness in your seat, you can see Taehyung do the same as the two of you actively scan the area around you with your eyes. Finally, the two of you have officially entered the area you’ve always talked about. Always researched on.

It’s all coming to life right before you; thrilled is a complete understatement!

Fumbling with your phone, you quickly tap on your device to access the camera app. You select the video, making sure it’s at its highest quality, as you start to record the scene before you. Speaking into the microphone, you express with a shriek of excitement that “Scary-tales”, your podcast and YouTube name, has officially set foot in Woodsboro.

Taehyung drives down the street after the light turns green, marveling at the scenery around. The two of you aren't surprised once your vehicle comes to a slow stop behind a line of cars. They seem to be waiting to enter the small town as well.

“Looks like there’s going to be a lot of festivities,” Taehyung voices as he points over to the left shoulder of the road. From a far distance he can see black fabric hanging from a sign accompanied with a white mask. “The town probably is all decorated for the season.”

Astonished, you try to lean over and look out from his side of the car.

“Oh! That’s so cool!” It takes you a moment to register something of importance, like a thought lingering in the back of your mind which now jumps out from hiding. “You did make sure to pack the good camera this time, right?”

The car moves up in line, the flow becoming a steady 10 miles per hour instead of the occasional stops.

Taehyung quickly glances at you to reassure your suspicion on him, “Of course! I brought the one with the little attachable microphone!”

You shrug in your seat, giving Taehyung a scrunched up facial expression as you regret the low faith you had in him a second ago.

“Ah! Sorry, sorry!” you laugh. “I didn’t mean it like that! I just wanted you to be able to capture everything you wanted. This place is more for you than for me.”

“Nah, baby, this place is for us both.”

He grins from ear to ear with sparkles in his eyes. He’s serious and endearing.

“You like Ghostface too!” he adds with mirth.

You pan your phone over towards him, recording his face as he speaks with enthusiasm. You smile with joy, letting out a laugh when Taehyung begs you not to record him.

“He’s no Michael Myers, but what can I say? I like my men with a mask.”

Taehyung raises an eyebrow towards you, humor in the tone of his voice when he questions you next.

“So you’re saying I need to wear a mask?” He jokes with a giggle.

You shake your head at his nonsense, but he’s funny nonetheless. It manages to make you smile wider and that’s all he wants from you. To make you enjoy yourself all in all.

The deeper you enter Woodsboro, the more decorations the two of you notice. The entire town is covered with Ghostface decorations and painted blood spills. Street signs from as simple as “2 Hour Parking” to the tops of lamp posts all have a floating Ghostface mask with ripped up black fabric drifting in the wind of the chilly air. Giving the town even more character; making it feel even spookier.

You zoom in and out on all the decorations that you can catch in a passing car. Taehyung continues to travel by the GPS’s directions while you speak openly to your phone that’s recording the festivities and spooky decorations.

“Traffic remains busy as ever. It’s the exact day, September 28th, of the first original murder which set out decades of horrendous attacks and killings to the years that followed. Maureen Prescott, Sidney Prescott’s mother, was murdered in this very town 27 years ago. Here, I, Y/n, and my most trusted colleague and partner, Taehyung finally have entered California’s most infamous town. Woodsboro!”

Slowly the vehicling passes through the town square. It feels as if every street has a police car patrolling the area. A small park resides in the middle of the cross-pathed streets, vendors and food trucks line up from end to end. You can spot Ghostface merchandise everywhere you look before you turn to Taehyung with surprise.

“They really turned this place into a celebration. I wonder if there’s any movie viewings at an abandoned farm or the theaters,” Taehyung ponders out loud.

“We did not come all the way out here just to watch the movies,” you lightly hit his shoulder. “We want to experience the actual vibe of Woodsboro.”

Taehyung chuckles as his eyes light up. He sees a group of people following the lead of a female with a microphone and small speaker attached to her hip. She’s ushering the crowd through the park, pointing over at some local stores and holding out a map.

“We’ll be sure to take a lot of photos and videos,” Taehyung exclaims. “We’ll see as much as we can!”

Shortly after being directed through traffic, Taehyung drives past Woodsboro High School. Both of you ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ over the building. Large banners drape over the front of the building with Ghostface’s mask. Firefighters on ladders are trying to take them down, disapproval from the Mayor must be the reason.

“It must suck working for a town that mocks its law enforcement and first responders,” Taehyung murmurs under his breath. “The place turned into a whole attraction site for people like us.”

You pan your phone over to Taehyung with a wide grin on your face. Angling yourself to get to the High School in the background of Taehyung, you clear your throat to gain his attention.

In your deepest and creepiest way, you speak the classic quote.

“What’s your favorite scary movie, Taehyung?”

Your boyfriend rolls his eyes as he quickly looks into the camera. He squints as if he’s up to no good. The GPS speaks to you once again, telling you to take the next left turn and the destination will be a mile up on the right. Taehyung raises his eyebrow to flirt, giving you a suggestive glare.

“Bambi.”

The fork in your hand clinks against the plate below you as you stab into a clump of mashed potatoes. It’s salted and buttered exactly the way you like it. In your opinion it is a better choice compared to the diner fries. So, at least you say as you stare over at Taehyung’s plate of food with pieces of fries you pick off his plate whenever you feel like it.

His mouth opens wide to engulf a large portion of his triple stacked cheeseburger loaded with tomatoes, pickles, onions, ketchup, mayonnaise, and the diner’s special hot sauce. This man always surprises you with how he can practically inhale his food, making you question how he even digests it all before his next meal. Taehyung has just as strong of a love for food as he does for his murder stories.

You pick at your BLT sandwich piece by piece as you look around the diner. The layout is plain and simple, suits the busy crowd well with the variety of characters that linger throughout. Several people sit at a curved stool in front of the bar, snacking on their meals they ordered. Whereas you and Taehyung managed to snag a corner table right near the large display window that sits two of you comfortably. Even the menu and window decal supports Ghostface’s presence. Yellow seats cover the base of each booth tied with an off-white backing. The table before you is dressed in a clear-plastic, protecting the speckled aged wood.

“I still can’t believe you managed to find an available room at the hotel in this town. It wasn’t too expensive, was it?” You question Taehyung as you whip out a small notepad from your purse. “Like, it wasn’t a big price for here?”

Taehyung continues to munch on his burger while nodding his head, humming a “mmf” as he answers you back. Dressing drips off the side of his mouth and runs down his jaw as he searches for a napkin.

“It’s all good, I’ve handled it. I booked the room months ago so no need to stress about the cost. We’re covered, baby.” He reassures you. Taehyung swipes away the food on the corners of his lips. “Besides, we’re only here for two nights and you can’t put a price on this type of stuff.”

Your pen runs across the paper of your notebook as you jot down the beginnings of a list. Mapping out their path of where they want to visit and what they want to do during the small timeframe they have.

“Okay,” you hum. “I trust you.”

Taehyung reaches over to grab your hand, his thumb rubs softly over your knuckles. He knocks the pen out of your grip and laces his fingers with yours.

“Hey,” he speaks softly. “I know you have so many things going on in that brain of yours, but sit back and enjoy yourself right now. We have all the time.”

You sigh but give Taehyung a warm smile in response. Your hand squeezes him a little more as you nod your agreement.

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to calm down. I just have all this excitement –”

“– And that’s okay. I appreciate and love how excited you get, baby!” Taehyung smiles and grabs a french fry off of his plate and feeds it to you directly. “I’m wired too.”

“Say, let’s hit up one of these merchandise stands after we finish up our lunch. I’m sure we can get a fun matching shirt or something.” Taehyung flashes his teeth before biting on his bottom lip.

“Tempting,” you bat your eyes at him quickly, “But let’s figure out all the places we can visit and hit up. I want to visit the Macher’s house – well technically it was last owned by the Freeman’s. But it was the place with the most attacks. The one on Turner Lane! I heard it was turned into a walk-through funhouse of some sort. Like a museum but not really.”

“That would be such a great place for an airbnb,” Taehyung adds. He continues finishing up the food on his plate while you start jotting down your list.

“Right?” You agree with him. “But the idea of being able to walk around it freely is also pretty cool.”

Your waitress steps over to your table suddenly, her black apron sitting comfortably tight across her waist. She checks in with the two of you, has a coffee pot in hand and offers some for your empty cups in which the two of you agree immediately. Traveling through the state of California to hit up all your favorite horror-related sites has proved to the two of you that coffee is your new best friend.

“Just let me know if there’s anything else you’d like to order,” the waitress with the name tag saying ‘Tatum’ waves as she walks away to check on the other tables she’s in charge of. 

You tap Taehyung on the arm frantically the moment she disappears from your area, “Tae, did you notice her name?”

Taehyung looks up at you through his sweet honey blonde curtain bangs with another mouth full of food. His eyes open wide like a confused puppy.

“No?” he tries to say without spitting out any food.

“Her name is Tatum! Like Tatum Riley! Sidney’s best friend during the first massacre!”

“Oh shit, no way! Maybe her parents are lowkey a fan?”

“I’m afraid to ask though, she probably gets questioned about it a lot.”

You take a long sip of your coffee as you jot down more ideas. The surrounding tables are beginning to fill up more with bodies, making the Woodsboro diner sound a bit louder. Even a group of rowdy teenagers come in with full apparel of Ghostface costumes but each mask is a different color.

Taehyung stops mid-bite when his face turns into realization about something. His whole body stills as he processes his thoughts.

You look up at him when he makes a disgruntled noise with his throat. His brows slowly knit together.

“What’s the matter, babe?”

“Something just hit me,” he says with skepticism. “What if we end up getting killed?”

You laugh out loud, motioning with your hand for Taehyung to relax.

“Tae, we’re fine. Everything here is focused on Sidney. There is absolutely no reason or any motive for a Ghostface to attack us,” you reason with him. “And before you ask, last year’s massacre was in-relation to the people who were tied to the original massacres. All the people involved with the lore of the first mastermind of it all.”

“Billy Loomis,” Taehyung utters under his breath. Even the name sends a shiver down your spine now that you’re in this town. “But also, horror enthusiasts… one who watches too many movies and shows, like us…”

“Like Amber Freeman and Richie Kirsch?”

Taehyung nods, “There could be more people like the murderers from last year who just want to continue the story.”

You squint your eyes at Taehyung from across the table. Your face twists with humor and confusion, unsure on how to respond to his words.

“Saying something like that makes it sound like you’d be the one to do that type of thing,” you state nonchalantly.

“Not at all!” He reclines back into his side of the booth. Taehyung brushes his hair out of his face with a hand, the other searching for his phone in the pocket of his jacket. “I’m saying other people could be motivated in such a way. Do you really think I'd be capable of something like that?”

“Most people don’t know who could be a killer until they’re caught…” You tap your pen on the table with a smile on your face. “So I wouldn’t know if that’s something you’re into,” you joke.

Taehyung browses through some of his notifications on his cell phone when he gives you a contemptuous face. He’s unsatisfied with your accusation, but you do have a point.

“Baby, I can say the same thing for you.” He raises his eyebrows with surprise, smiling to himself as his thumb taps away to send a message to someone. “I mean, you indulge yourself in plenty of scary movies too. Which franchise are you trying to keep alive?” He jests with a wink as he places his phone down and turns the screen for you to view. 

You see a banner posted to a Twitter post that is colorful and pops out to draw the creative eye. In large bold words it says “Annual Stab-a-thon!” with pictures of knives and pumpkins. Attached is a timeframe and location, one nearby, which makes Taehyung wiggle his brows at you.

“You’re funny,” you dryly say as you push the phone away from your side of the table. The sarcasm laced in your tone only makes Taehyung content with his actions. “You know I would never do something like that,” you say in reference to the hint of you being a killer. “Honestly, I don’t think I'd survive very long in a horror movie. I am the type to be at the wrong place at the wrong time,” you humor him with your confession.

Taehyung grabs your notepad from you swiftly to write down an idea. He tilts his head to the side, shaking it at you in disbelief.

“Ah, you need to give yourself more credit than that,” he scribbles down his chicken scratch while speaking to you. “I think you would make it to the final act!”

“Well with you as the killer, I think you’d give me some mercy to make it that far,” you tease as you bite back a smile.

Taehyung scrunches his face with anger and surprise. His mouth gapes open with a disappointed huff.

“I’m not a killer!” he protests with his whole chest. He uses his forefinger to press into the table with every syllable he speaks. “I’m an innocent person!”

The two of you break out in a fit of laughter. Taehyung looks at you with sadness while holding back his full smile as you roll your eyes at his ridiculousness. It’s conversations like these that end up with cute displays which makes you love the man even more.

“Tae,” you drawl as you recollect the conversation. “You’re cute when you get offended.”

“Thanks,” he responds laconically and with a pout.

Your waitress, Tatum, comes back over once again with a written out check for your table. She offers her service one last time to see if either of you need any more refreshments or food before handing the piece of paper over. Your boyfriend snatches the check from your view and fishes out his wallet from his back pocket.

“I got it covered,” he states as he counts through his money.

“Okay, but the next thing we have to pay for is on me!” you declare.

There’s always this weird complex with you that you feel the need to have equal contribution to spending expenses. If someone keeps pampering you too much, someone like a boyfriend you know so well, you tend to find ways to make it equal in return. 

Somehow.

“We’ll see,” he grins.

Before Taehyung can manage the tip for the waitress, you emphasize the importance of the notepad still sitting out on the tabletop. You read the last thing Taehyung wrote, which is the address “34 Elm Street.” Nodding your head, you raise your shoulders to show your indifference to it.

“The Prescott’s old house,” you acknowledge. “I’m down.”

Taehyung holds onto his cup of coffee while leaning in to look at the notepad. You reach for the pen once again to begin writing more.

“How about we finish our list before we leave here and check out some souvenir places. By then we’ll be able to check into our hotel room and start visiting some spots. I’ll have to fill up the tank as well.”

“Sounds like a plan!” You voice with keenness. 

Your pen traces letters into your notepad as you add stars next to your favorite and must visit sites. Tonight the two of you will be able to hit some of the areas up with no problems in your way. Enjoy some festivities and grab some merchandise. Have fun together and experience some irreplaceable memories.

And survive Woodsboro.

Taehyung and you both walk into room 312 with your bags in hand. Right before arriving at the hotel, you had stopped at a local grocery place to grab a few necessities and snacks to hold you over for the night. Thankfully the WoodSpring Suites comes with a complimentary breakfast in the morning along with a small snack area where you can purchase beverages and food that can appeal to a small appetite. But with Taehyung, you already know that the store was the better choice for the matter.

The entire left wall from beginning to end is colored in Aegean blue while the rest of the walls are a soft eggshell white color. The king size bed is covered in grayish-tan and rice paper colors, complemented with hickory wood furniture. The laminate flooring matches the wood as much as possible, giving the room a friendly and clean look to it. One single off-yellow couch sits in the corner of the room with a coffee table in front of it. 

“Finally!” Taehyung rejoices to himself as he plops his bags down on the edge of the bed.

You, however, walk yourself to the coffee table and neatly take out pieces of your electronics and begin to step up a small work desk for yourself.

“The place looks great,” you comment as you toss the remote controller over toward the bed for Taehyung. 

“Yeah, I like it too!” Taehyung shuffles through his bags and gathers articles of clothing for himself. He continues to unzip and pull apart his items all over the spread of the bed. “Did you want to do a nightly recording before bed?”

You nod as you focus on angeling your laptop and connecting it to an outlet in the wall beside you. “With some of the sites we managed to see today, like the Robert’s house and High School, I think we can talk about some things if you’re up for it. It is kind of late though.”

“My legs hurt from walking so much,” he laughs while he sits on the bed and kicks off his shoes. “Can we do a mini-one? I’m kind of beat. Going to jump in the shower before anything though. Do you want to join?”

Looking over at Taehyung, you see he has a satisfied face without giving you a glance. You’re well aware he has already determined his actions for the next 30 minutes and you are in no position to stop him.

“I’m ok, I can wait.” You smile. Typing in your password to the laptop, you smile to yourself. “I can start reheating those microwavable meals while you are in the shower so they’ll be ready by the time you come out.”

Taehyung makes his way over to you as he leans down. All his clothes and toiletries are stuffed in between his arms.

“Thank you,” he grins as he waits for you to connect his awaiting kiss. 

You bite on your bottom lip before giving him what he wants. It’s a sweet and simple kiss, nothing hidden behind its meaning besides pure adoration.

The two of you are cut off by the sound of your hotel’s phone ringing. You give Taehyung a muddled face but he looks just as perplexed as you do. He moves toward the phone and by the third ring he picks it up.

“Hello?”

You watch as Taehyung’s facial gestures change through a series of confusion and amusement. He holds back a cringe smile, probably trying not to laugh.

“Oh yeah?” he says back to the phone. “A game?”

You furrow your brows while watching him. Taehyung wears a lopsided grin as he shifts his weight on his feet.

“Not interested, but this was cool,” he comments before hanging up the phone.

“Was that the front desk?” You blink at him.

Taehyung shakes his head while shrugging his shoulders, “I don’t think so,” he huffed a laugh. “Someone trying to do the Ghostface voice.”

“What really?” You speak with astonishment, “No way!”

He departs towards the bathroom before the phone rings once again. Taehyung stops and turns on his heels, eyes glaring at the phone that flashes. Taehyung shares a curious glance with you and raises his eyebrows.

“Do you want to answer it?”

The phone continues to ring until you finally decide for yourself to head over toward it. You grip the device with no hesitation and lift it to your ear. On the other side of the line you hear nothing at first besides heavy breathing. It stands the hairs on the back of your neck.

You allow the silence to linger between you and the caller, just listening for the only noises you can hear. A deep chuckle emits in a raspy tone.

“Hey, we’re not finished yet,” the ominous, taunting threatening voice speaks.

“Who is this?” you question with the thrill knowing you’re asking the most silly question.

It’s most definitely some form of prank based on how active and inventive Woodsboro is. You wonder how often people play the part of acting as Ghostface for shits and giggles. But from an out of townie like yourself, something like this seems so cool to you. Not annoying whatsoever. 

Taehyung has already entered the bathroom, leaving the door open just in case you change your mind or not if you choose to join him, while you sit on the edge of the bed. The shower is running and one can only assume Taehyung has stripped down to his bare nakedness and submerged himself under the cascade of water by now.

“Who do you think this is?”

You entertain the person on the other line. “The most obvious answer for Woodsboro would be Ghostface. Am I right?”

“Yes,” the rugged voice replies. “Aren’t you so smart?”

“I’m a big fan,” you giggle.

“Do you like scary movies?”

“Of course I do. Why do you think I’m here?” you laugh at the classic phrase being spoken to you. Before you allow the other person to respond, you fake yawn out of boredom. “This is so unoriginal. You’ve lost my interest already.”

In a warning tone, the voice threatens, “Don’t hang up on me!”

“It’s late and I'm tired,” you claim before placing the phone down on its receiver. 

You sigh as you stare at the device on the bedside table. There’s plenty of spooks to go around all day tomorrow, you don’t need anymore right now.

A knock on the door alerts you, Taehyung can even hear it from inside the bathroom. Creeping up to the peephole, you see nobody on the other side of your door. Slowly, you back up making a disgruntled noise.

“Who is it, baby?” Your boyfriend shouts from the shower.

“It’s nobody,” you respond loud enough for him to hear. As you pass by the bathroom, you see Taehyung’s head poking out from behind the shower curtain – wet locks and everything. You give him a brief smile and shrug, raising your hands up. “I didn’t see anyone. Probably just a prank.”

“Huh,” Taehyung mulls over it for a second. He tilts his head with a wink, “You want to join me now?”

It’s hard to resist his innocent persuasion. His invitation of a nice hot, steamy shower is so inviting.

“Sure,” you smile.

You take one single step in the bathroom before your hotel room’s phone goes off again. You stare at Taehyung with confusion and alarm. 

“Just unplug it from the wall.”

“Yeah… yeah,” you laugh.

You’re sure to disconnect the phone by the wire as well as locking both locks on your hotel room door. You shimmy off your clothes on your way into the bathroom, placing the towels nearby for when you need to grab them. Taehyung hums a melodic tune to himself as he washes his face under the showerhead as you peel open the curtain.

Your eyes scan the expanse of his wet nude body with a warm smile. He feels the cool draft enter his vicinity and turns to glance at you after wiping his eyes clean from the water.

“You alright?”

“Mhm,” you swallow. “Just surprised how dedicated some fans get with this place.”

Walking hand-in-hand with your boyfriend, you stroll along with some pep to your step. Thrills and shrills send signals throughout your nerves and you can tell it’s affecting Taehyung the way it does to you. Excitement and adrenaline. Together, the both of you walk along the line of the road flooded with lingering sight-seers all prepared to enter in the biggest hot spot of the night.

261 Turner Lane.

The location with the record of most murders and attacks know to Woodsboro – in regard to Ghostface. Taehyung begged you to visit the Woodsboro Hospital earlier this morning after your first night at the hotel. A place where several people, like Jill Roberts, Sidney’s cousin, and Sheriff Dwight ‘Dewey’ Riley had died. You two even managed to visit the Reed’s residence where Kirby and her friends were attacked nearly 10 years ago! However, that place was more off limits to civilians and most definitely did not want horror-nerds, like yourself, sniffing around with nostalgia.

All the sites are small, but hold so much weight and horrific memories for many. You can sympathize with those who are haunted by the past and understand that their community has gone through so much. But the geekiness of your love for horror and minor obsession with understanding serial killers and motives can almost desensitize the world around you. 

Considering how it’s not just you, or Taehyung, who enjoy these types of things. But with how your eyes scan around every inch that Woodsboro has to offer, the exhilaration of it all continues to live because of the enthusiasts!

Merchandise, candy, confetti, bags, and balloons scattering around the town as if it’s a carnival for the one and only Ghostface. People of all ages dress up in the legendary costume and perform reenactments or shows. Even you, who is caught up in the mix of fun and games, walk around with a matching customized bracelet that you wear proudly with Taehyung. It sports a small trinket with your initials engraved into it right next to a hanging silver dagger that represents a buck knife.

For slicing and dicing… and also to constitute Ghostface's traditional weapon of use.

You cycle through your camera for all the photos and footage the two of you captured from your previous day excursions, making mental notes on what you should talk about on your next podcast after the two of you leave this town. Taehyung makes sure to point out everything he wants in the camera as well as he looks over your shoulder. With his fingers still intertwined with yours, he pulls your arm closer to his body so he can hold you closer to him.

“How much do you think we’ll be able to see? I tried to stay away from the internet so I didn’t get spoiled with anything,” He questions as his eyes look toward the front of the line you two stand in.

“I would hope for everything,” you speak softly. “It would be worth it to show off the entire house. It looks like they have hosts who direct you around,” you point over to a worker wearing a red tucked in button-up and dark dress pants.

The two of you admire the view of the side of the house, showing how the line you stand in extends with at least 50 bodies or more. But the home is dressed up nicely as if it was any other house you can see in Woodsboro. Beautiful flowers trail along the edgings of the road such as daffodils, red lilies, and purple agapanthus’. Tall brushes and thick weeds compliment the tan exterior of the house and deep green shingles. Shrubs and cobblestone walkways. Your mind paints a picture of all the gruesome and alarming actions that once took place here.

A little fountain in the middle of the entrance alley is drained of its water, showing off the rustic residue. Eerie music fills the air, played to entertain the ears of those who are visiting this walk-through house. Group by group, you see people filter into the front entrance of the notorious home. Eagerly, you and Taehyung step closer and closer and await your turn.

At the gate, a working crew at a small stand pulls out pieces of papers to fill out. Files to keep documented for those who enter and liability checks. Your signature is needed along with demographics and contact information. You hear screams up ahead, laughter soon to follow. Lights in the house flicker on and off, but the music ellipses over the brunt of the shrieks. 

You pay a fee, nothing too expensive, for the two of you before signing your agreement. Fearlessly, both you and Taehyung allow the workers to strap on a colored bracelet to your wrists. 

“Thank you,” you two express gratitude as you step along with the rest of the crowd.

The papers serve as a waiver, giving formal structure with risk involved sections, assumptions of risk sections, law provision, and respect to state laws. The owners of the house and those involved with the business have every right to hold your papers and pull you from the attraction site. Even though this is for fun and games, the seriousness of the property comes with its own stakes.

The Macher’s house, now rebranded into the name ‘Horror House’ for the attraction, stands at 5,500 square feet. To your knowledge, there are up to 4 bedrooms residing inside the establishment. Several bathrooms, a 3-car garage, rear and front foyers, and much more. With over 290 acres of land, creek frontage, and a span of eucalyptus groves, this amazing home survives decades of dreadful history.

You follow the path along the walkway with Taehyung by your side. Securing your purse around your body so it doesn’t snag on anything while you're inside, you turn to your boyfriend who’s snapping photos of the landscape and crowd.

“No flash photography!” You hear a worker shout at the entrance of the home. They hold up a flashlight directed toward Taehyung as they address him.

“Turn it off,” you whisper-yell at him as you pull his arm down. “Let’s not get thrown out before even getting inside.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was on until I took the photo!”

“Have bags opened and ready to be checked! Pockets emptied!”

As you step up the porch stairs of the Macher’s house, you hear busy workers repeating rules verbatim. They make this as swift and nimble as possible. Taehyung passes through security first, being patted down from all sides before they allow you to step through. They search your bag and roughly touch over your arms and jacket pockets, looking for any unnecessary hidden items for the protection of the house, staff, and customers.

Inside the house, the lights flicker on a timer. Red and yellow glows illuminate the walls as some areas in the house remain dim with no light source. The two of you are guided through the main entrance of the house by your hostess. The moment you step through, a loud group of screams appear overhead on the stairs right above you. People tripping over another and laughing from being spooked by someone in a Ghostface costume who has jumped out from behind a door frame.

You grab onto Taehyung on instinct while chuckling at yourself for getting scared from the loud noise. He, too, is startled momentarily, but he flashes a smile that expresses the fever buzz his body is radiating. 

“Spooks and scares is the theme tonight!” Your hostess speaks in singsong. “Get ready to survive the fright!”

As corny as that rhyme sounds, it makes both you and your boyfriend giggle. You listen intently to the hostesses' words and fair warnings. How everything within the house is a reenactment of some sort and only serves to get your nerves jumping with fear. To be careful of your surroundings and not to stray too far away from your group. Playing in the funhouse is what you guys came here for anyways.

A loud dong resounds over the music, the clock striking an hour before midnight. Loud cheers and hollers are heard from inside and outside, everyone rejoicing with excitement.

“This shit’s so wild,” you comment with a bright look. You lean in towards Taehyung’s ear to whisper to him next, “Say, whenever we can… try recording some of the places in here without the staff seeing.”

“Already ahead of you,” he comments with a mischievous grin. His eyes flicker down to his pants pocket where his phone’s camera pops out just enough to show. In secret, he must have hit record and slid the device nonchalantly. “I’ve been recording after they yelled at me for the flash,” he laughs.

“I’m your hostess, Hallie. Please be advised that other parties are roaming around the building. So you most definitely will intermingle at some point. Please try your best to stick with me.” The petite, younger woman, adjusts her shirts’ sleeves along her wrists. Flashing the two of you the happiest of smiles.

“Can I ask,” you interject ever so slightly. “How long have you guys been running this?”

Hallie smiles with a nod, “About 4 months now. After the previous owners listed the house, it wasn’t very long for the current owner to snatch it off the market.”

“And no problems?” You quiz as you look around.

“Most furniture have been replaced with replicas just in case of damage. But it’s such a popular site, nobody has complained besides some locals.”

All three of you glance over towards a door frame in the back of the foyer. It’s hard to see but flashes of people running across the backend of the house come into view, followed by another person in a costume. 

“There’s been some renovations to the house to maintain multiple entrances and exits to allow the flow of parties to weave in and out. Ideally, throughout your walkthrough you will visit every section of the house and even the field out back. Just mind the parties around you. We usually have about 7 parties at once to keep the line moving at a decent pace.”

Taehyung wraps his arm around your shoulder and pulls you comfortably against him. He shifts on his feet but directs his attention to Hallie.

“I think what she’s trying to ask is if there’s been any murders because of this,” he emphazises with a gesture of his hand.

Hallie gives the two of you a cheerful smile, flashing her set of pearly whites. “None whatsoever.” She steps in closer towards the two of you, taking hold of the earpiece in her ear to muffle her next words for whoever is listening on the other end. “But between us, I think this town wants to keep the slasher story alive and well.”

You both blink at her dumbfounded, but she holds up a hushed finger before placing her earpiece back in. She clicks on her small handheld flashlight that shines a bright blue, waving it in the air towards the walls of the house.

“So let us begin our journey through the Horror House! Our group color is blue,” she references the flashlight’s light color., “So if you ever need to find me, look for my light.”

Quickly, and before Hallie leads you to the left side of the house, you whip out your phone to snap a photo of you and Taehyung. The lighting is absolutely terrible but you manage to get the quarter turned staircase and sparkling chandelier above. Taehyung presses his lips against your cheek as you grin ear to ear to show your utmost happiness.

“Happy Anniversary!” you cheer to yourself as you snap the photo.

“Phones away please,” Hallie demands as her light flashes at you. “First and final warning.”

“Sorry, sorry,” you meekly say. You shrug like how a child does when they’re in trouble.

You shove your phone back inside your purse and zip it up tight. You grimace when Hallie gives you a sharp look, but she tilts her head and opens up her arms to guide you into the next room.

The room is lit up with a dim light, covered with plenty of floorspace and loveseat couches. The fireplace displays a fake fire while smoke roams on the floor. It serves as a living space, but before you or Taehyung can geek out about it, Hallie declares that this is not the room where any murders took place.

“One of the most unused areas of the house happens to be right here!” She exclaims. The celinings are tall, giving the room a larger feeling to it. Over in the corner stands a mannequin of Ghostface in an attacking pose, decorations surround it while the large mirror behind it shows your reflection.

Another round of terrific screams come from another part of the house and you can’t help but grip Taehyung’s hand tighter in your hold. The spooky aura of the house, and knowing the history, fuels your brain into all the acts.

“Now if you follow me this way, we’ll be entering the one area where Sidney and Stu battled out a fight, resulting in Sidney breaking a potted plant over Stu’s head and dropping an entire television on him!”

Hallie walks through first, pointing out a replicated television set standing in the corner of the room in front of some more couches. A coffee table is littered with candy, snacks, and drinks – as if there was an active party going on. You and Taehyung walk in right after her, only to get your first fright of the night when an actor jumps out from the side of the doorframe and grunts at the two of you.

“Ah!” You yelp but immediately slap your hand over your chest from laughing. 

“Fuck!” Taehyung curses as his arm briefly comes up in defense.

The actor maintains character, hardly speaks but stays menacing enough. They hold up their false dagger, moving their arm in an attacking motion as both you and Taehyung maneuver around the floor without stumbling over another. The lights flicker with the beat of the sinister music, all to help create a fun horror-themed house.

“God this is so good!” You declare as you step around a few broken pieces of chairs as you get into the next room. 

Your eyes scan around every inch and every corner of the beautiful house, given what little lighting you have to work with. You wish you can take it all in at your own pace, record things you want when you want to. But you need to be crafty and careful. So any chance you get, when Hallie or any other floating bodies of people aren’t looking your way, you try to fish through your purse to pull out your phone and capture a photo.

Taehyung on the other hand, is still rocking his secret pocket recording. You can tell he’s turning his body more often than so – probably to get as much footage as possible without being caught. 

“This is the main attraction here! The climatic kitchen!” Hallie walks forward and around a small island table, tapping her hands on the counter like beating on a drum. “Where chicken and vegetables aren’t the only things that got cut up in here.”

You give Hallie a pensive glare, nearly shaking your head the moment the words left her lips.

“Eh,” she shrugs. “You’re right. That punchline isn’t that funny.”

Taehyung admires the white countertops and ocean blue walls which match the tiles above the stove. The window by the kitchen sink has blood splatters across it, red liquid dripping down into the silver stainless steel. Popcorn pieces are littered everywhere, while an old-timey phone hangs off the hinge of its cable.

“This is so fucking cool,” he comments. “Everything! All right here.” He stands with his arms outstretched. “This whole house has so much history! I can practically feel it.” He’s astonished but shows all his gratitude through giddiness. “Can you even imagine all the thoughts and emotions of the people who have gone through here?”

You step close to him as you check out a calendar up on the wall. It’s from 1996, September, with dates circled and highlighted and has written notes over which days and approximate times people have been attacked here during the first massacre.

“Too bad it’s not the 28th anymore and it’s the 29th. We’d be here exactly 26 years from when the first reign of Ghostface came to an end.”

“Yeah, but,” Taehyung nudges you in the arm. “It is our anniversary. So it’s still special.”

A loud thud from upstairs causes all three of you to jump in your spots. You whip your head around to look at Hallie who is already making her move towards the front foyer again, waving the two of you on with her.

“Let’s head upstairs, shall we?”

You wrap around to the front once again to see a new party of people entering the house. Hallie steps besides the stairs and points upward, telling the two of you to walk up. Taehyung shows no hesitation, but for you, you notice how there’s fake blood smeared all over the carpet of each stair. With your naked eye, it looks fresh. It is not until the time you reach the top of the stairs do you notice that the red paint was still wet and now tracks from your footprints.

Before you can question anything, you pivot and are ushered up another set of small stairs. The second story of the home has plenty of space. There is a nice little balcony area over the foyer that you can look down in, peeping at the groups of people who roam around the floors. You spot another actor walking around in a costume creeping behind a straggler, waiting any second for them to scare the person.

“Baby, let’s go.”

Taehyung pats you on your back as he passes you, following the hostesses lead into the master bedroom. There’s more decor dressing the house even scarier, and this time, the entire room is flipped upside down. The bed sheets and comforter are ripped apart, feathers from the pillows fallen on the floor. 

It’s staged as if someone ransacked the entire room. It helps seeing a stuffed life-sized doll laying on the floor in a pile of blood. Both you and Taehyung express admiration over the scene, feeding into the question Hallie hits you with.

“Now, what might have happened here?”

“Looks like a murder,” Taehyung replies evidently. 

Suddenly, a mysterious Ghostface appears from the master bathroom with his knife wielded high into the air. They step towards Hallie quickly, bee-lining their way straight to her to attack her.

She screams, and you respond with the same noise back. Ghostface digs his knife into her backside as Hallie stares at you and your boyfriend with shock. Her flashlight drops to the ground as Ghostface stabs her again.

You immediately back up, walking over the display of horror in the center of the room and walking over to another exit of the master suit.

“Holy shit,” you mutter as you’re grabbing Taehyung by the jacket to yank him with you. “Hallie?” you question as you watch her and Ghostface interact.

Your hostess drops to her knees before finally landing on the ground, face first into the carpet. While Ghostface stands there, head tilting to look over at the two of you as they clean off their knife with their gloves.

“Tae, move,” you urge while pulling on him more. You continue to back up until you see the steps to the stairs. They lead right to the ones that come from the foyer.

Ghostface begins to stalk you, rushing over to attack. Taehyung follows you as you pull him along urgently, frantically.

“This isn’t right. No, no, no,” you scream. You attempt to turn to run downstairs, but you nearly slip from trying to stop yourself. A group of people are in the middle of walking up the stairs, preventing you from going down. Taehyung hoists you back up, making you run to the other side and searches for the nearest door to run through.

“Run!” He shouts to anyone who can hear. Taehyung looks over his shoulder to see if Ghostface is still chasing you, and for a fact – they very much are!

Taehyung nearly pushes you through the far end door, closing it tight behind him. He searches for the locks, even moves a piece of furniture in front of the door quickly out of pure instinct. Your heart races erratically, but you turn and look at Taehyung with surprise.

You begin to laugh out loud, holding your head with your hands. Looking around, you notice the two of you are barricaded in a storage area. Like an attic of some sorts.

“This is hilarious!” you chuckle. You move around some useless knick knacks storage on top of some boxes. “We just got chased by a Ghostface!”

Taehyung nervously goes along with your lighthearted giggles, until his nerves bubble down into full blown laughter. He notices he has scratched his hand during the mix of everything. A cut annoying enough to draw blood.

“Yeah! Ha –” he runs his other hand through his hair, “– That was really funny.”

A bang hits the door and the two of you jolt in your place. The door gets hit again with a louder thud. When you notice the handle jingling, both Taehyung and you back up slightly. More shrieks and hollars are made from outside the door but you stay staring at it, begging for the door not to open.

When the door bursts open, but is blocked by the furniture Taehyung placed in front of it, you see the mask of Ghostface sticking through with their arm. Swinging wildly with their knife in hand. It clinks and digs into the wood of the door.

You walk backwards, deeper into the storage area and run over to one of the windows to look outside. You begin hitting your hands on the glass, screaming for help as you look down at the line of people still waiting to get inside of the house. The music is blaring and screaming coming from this house is practically normal – so your cries for help go completely unnoticed.

Taehyung grabs you from your shoulder, pulling you back as he calls your name.

“Y/n, Y/n! Look,” Taehyung points out another door that was hidden from view. Maybe one of the many renovations Hallie had spoken about earlier. “Come, come!” He begs as he holds onto your hand and leads you towards it.

He pried the door open after pushing boxes away from it. Stairs that lead down below welcome you, and happily the two of you take them. The darkness makes it impossible to see, but once you hit the last step into the new room, you realize you’re just outside the kitchen nook area.

“This house is so confusing,” you comment. “All the rooms practically intertwine with another!”

“The garage!” Taehyung pulls you with him, leading you to the door that’s been cracked open. Together, you push it open and step down the three wooden stairs. You notice a party with their host, they turn to you in shock. “Ghostface is chasing us!” Taehyung shouts as he practically drags you to the one open garage door. 

You see the darkness of the night outside in the driveway. The sooner you’re out of the house the quicker you will feel safe. At least that’s what runs through your mind as you stumble over yourself as you rush out of the garage.

“Relax guys!” The host says. He flashes his green light at you as his hand comes up to halt your running spree. “It’s just a part of the show! What’s your color?”

Taehyung stops the two of you in the middle of the driveway. You’re now at the back of the house, away from the long line of horror enthusiasts, and can see golf carts set up for roaming the many acres of the backyard.

You grip onto his arm, holding tightly as your heartbeat races inside your chest. Wide eyed, you stare at the other host and the group they’re guiding.

“We’re blue,” Taehyung comments. He sounds slightly winded, but he hides it well when speaking back to the worker.

The host reaches for a walky-talky from his back pocket, pressing the button to speak into the voicebox.

“I have the blue party at the garage. Can the host of blue come here?”

Taehyung wraps his arm around you, pulling you tight against him as you two stand aimlessly. There’s an uproar inside the house, joyous laughters and shouts for help. It rounds every 30 seconds or so. But it begins to sound unnerving. Maybe the horror funhouse is really scaring you.

“Hey,” Taehyung whispers as he runs his hands along your arm. “Not to psych you out or anything… but look where we’re standing right now.”

You glance around, seeing a boat covered with a tarp. A concrete walkway leads to the back desk of the house to your right and a row of lights line up beside it. It doesn’t hit you until Taehyung speaks the words “doggy door” to you that you realize exactly what you should be looking at.

The middle garage door is the place where Tatum Riley was found crushed at the top. Stuck between the dog door and the top of the garage.

You move around Taehyung to sneak a quick photo of the area. With enough space, you back up and capture the scene – making sure to capture Taehyung in the frame.

From the roof, windows from above peer out of the building. Inside one of those windows stands a person with the mask on, staring down at you. It raises a knife to the glass, tapping on it. 

Taunting you. 

Teasing you.

Minutes have gone by before someone shows up. Thankfully that person is Hallie, your original hostess. She steps into the garage from the kitchen, like how Taehyung and you had just done before.

“Jesus, where have you guys gone to? You’re so fast!” She exclaims with a huff.

“Wha-what?” You reply. “You were attacked!”

“It was an act,” she reassures. “Only to scare you! I see that it worked.” She laughs. Hallie turns her body left and right to show you her well being, “See, I’m unharmed. It’s all good.”

“I mean, I guess it is a funhouse. We just got caught up in it,” Taehyung mumbles. “I even thought it was real for a second there.” His deep chuckle makes you feel a little at ease.

“So are we ready to continue the house tour? We have more bumps and scares ahead of us.”

You stare off into space as your mind continues to think about all the places and things you’ve seen. Ever since that small scare at the Macher’s house, you can’t help but shake the feeling of what it could have been like for all who were murdered by someone behind the terrorizing mask that haunts this town. It feels almost too real for a reenactment, even though your hostess was perfectly fine in the end. Taehyung managed to get scraped in the process of running throughout the house while your shirt, which you didn’t notice until you got back to the hotel, ended up having a small tear in it. But that’s what a horror themed funhouse could do to those who enter. Freak them out. Psych them up.

Your fingers fiddle with another while you listen haphazardly to Taehyung recording himself for the podcast in the corner of your hotel room. He goes on and on about how much he’s enjoyed himself and shows off a handful of his memorable trinkets he’s bought from a few item shops. His freshly washed hair is combed back and away from his face; one small piece of tissue paper stuck to the blood patch on his upper lip – he must have cut himself shaving.

Gripping the small dangling chain of your matching bracelet, you twist it around playfully. You love how it’s customized and you also love how it’s something you two share. This horror-road trip the two of you set out on for your anniversary week is such a lovely occasion. Taehyung surprisingly took most of the reins for planning, which secondhandly makes you feel a tad bit ashamed for not being able to contribute as much.

However, you and only you know how to make Taehyung feel the most special. Give him the happiness that he deserves. Even when he’s the one who spoils you the most. 

As you look over and watch him geek out over his favorite serial killer story, you can’t help but smile with awe. He has no idea how you’re watching him so intently. Applauding every boast and passionate joy he releases through his words. Taehyung has no clue what you have secretly planned for him for tonight.

And your entrance means everything.

Quietly, you gather a bag of goodies by your side – making sure not to draw Taehyung’s attention when you hushly pack a few extra items into it. You glance once, twice, just to make sure he’s staying indulged with his video editing.

You don’t need to announce that you’re heading to the shower. But you’re hoping Taehyung understands your need to lock the bathroom door behind you. With grace, you twist the nozzle for the shower on, waiting for the temperature of the water to blast the warmth you desire.

“In and out,” you mumble to yourself. “Don’t take forever.”

With the time ticking, you bath yourself faster than usual. Every inch of your skin is loathed up with your soapy washcloth and each stand of your hair touches shampoo and conditioner. When it comes to shaving, you choose to take your time. There’s no point of rushing in a haste and accidentally nipping yourself somewhere.

You prep and prime the rest of your body once you exit the shower. Running your mouth through with some fresh mouthwash, you multitask with lathering lotion all over your skin.

For the finale, you place some light make-up on your face. Highlighting your eyes and illuminating your cheeks with complimentary colors for you. 

A wicked smile stretches across your face once you pull out your black lingerie from your bag. It was perfectly hidden with the Ghostface mask you’ve stored along with a retractable plastic dagger. You slip on piece by piece, lace and fishnets covering over your body in a sinful and sinister kind of way. Your thong sits tight across your waist, and the garter belts from the corset piece you now wear clips onto the stockings on your thighs.

“Shit,” you look around the counter of the sink for your phone. You must have left it on the bed while you snuck away here. No time to take some sexy Ghostface mirror selfies without ruining the surprise first.

“Baby, are you ok in there?” Taehyung's concerned voice calls out from behind the door.

You’re quick to interrupt, cutting any further talk off as you sinch the last belt over your waist.

“I’m good! Just thought I dropped something down the sink, but I didn’t!”

This is the first time you’ve worn something this elegant and fancy for Taehyung, with a new twist to it. The mask you hold in your hand lifts over your face, covering the top of your head before it settles in place.

The sheer black material of the eye holes only dims your vision slightly; but other than that you can see most of everything clearly.

You turn off the bathroom light before you open the door to return to Taehyung. With the fake dagger in one hand and your other on the handle, you hold your breath until you finally are ready to step through.

Finding yourself on the wall, you slant against it in a saucy pose. Lowering yourself just enough to look like you’re nearly ready to continue slipping. Your boyfriend doesn’t hear you at first, not with his nose driven deep into his cell phone and thumbs tapping away on the screen.

“Hey babe,” you tap lightly against the wall with your knuckles. “I want to play a game.”

Your outfit is hiked shorter than usual, showing off more lower half and making you appear all the leggier as your fishnet stockings welcome Taehyung’s eyes. The black lingerie calls to him, even the added Ghostface mask to top it all off. Your breasts are held firm against your chest with how your corset fits. Shaping you in such a beautiful and complementarity way. You wiggle your fake weapon at him as you drag the tip of it down between your chest to your navel. Forcing his eyes to follow your every move.

And how could he focus on anything besides you right now? 

The buzzing of his phone in his hand doesn’t register to him. The noise on the television doesn’t distract him. The only thing his attention is on is how godly, how gorgeous, you look right here.

Right now.

“B-Baby?” His jaw drops. You’ve rendered him nearly speechless as his mind processes how completely stunning and mouthwatering you are. “Is this for me?” He smiles with amusement.

You nod your head slowly, using the knife to trail down your thigh and up between them. Lightly toying with the idea of it touching you in your naughty bits.

“Do you like it?” You lift yourself off the wall. Slowly you walk towards your dumbfounded boyfriend as sexy as you can, swaying your hips with each step. “I thought this could be a nice little treat for our anniversary, babe.”

“Oh, this is most definitely a nice little treat,” he comments as he licks his lips. Taehyung places his phone down on the coffee table in front of him. “Look at you!” He exclaims with a wide grin. “Look at this fucking outfit, I mean… fuck me, wow!”

He praises with excitement and wide eyes. Taehyung practically eats you up from head to toe.

“Thank you, I spent a lot of time thinking about how to woo you.”

“I’m howlin’ for you,” he jumps up from his chair. “Are you trying to kill me with that outfit?”

“Get the camera,” you flash him a smile.

Taehyung grabs hold of the recording device from the coffee table. Barely able to click it on, he covers the lens when he talks with you.

“This isn’t going on YouTube,” he murmurs with a nervous laugh.

You make your way over to your boyfriend, glide your hands up his chest and hook around his shoulders. The fake blade in your hand slowly draws lines up towards his neck. You attempt to be sexy and murderous at the same time.

“You wanna record me, babe?” You question rhetorically with seduction. As if you’re surprised he has the camera in his hand. Even though he cannot see your face behind the mask, he knows you’re giving him those sensual eyes he loves.

Taehyung focuses the camera on you, recording on play while he zooms in and out on your saucy attire. His eyes cannot leave you, mind racing with delicious thought after thought.

“Jesus, baby, you’re making me so hard. Best present ever!”

You pull his body close to yours, drag one of his hands to run up your thigh and around to the curve of your ass. Lifting your leg up, you allow Taehyung to hold you against him. His fingernails rake up your bare thighs, scratching and pulling at your skin and fabric.

His building erection becomes prominent through his shorts as you press yourself into him. To test him and to feel him.

“I can feel you,” you comment. With your might, you direct Taehyung to the edge of the bed before pushing him down to sit. His body flops enough for him to prop himself up by his elbows, looking up with you hungry and thirsty. His camera scans you from tip to toe, making sure to capture every single essence of your nightly Ghostface vibes. “I haven’t even gotten to play my game with you.”

Taehyung smiles, his teeth capturing his bottom lip. “You’re a fucking tease, you know that?”

“Oh, poo,” you mock lightheartedly. “Does Taehyung not want any of this?” you shimmy your chest just enough to emphasize your cleavage. For good measure, your hand comes up to squeeze the mound. Giving Taehyung a sight to see but also giving you a sensation you need.

Your boyfriend leans up and goes to grab at your chest, but you stop him with the dagger pointed at him. 

“Ah-ah!” You taunt, “My game.”

Taehyung laughs as he sits back and admits defeat, for now. He gives you a passive gaze but gestures for you to continue onward. He’s interested in what you want to do.

“Let’s have some trivia,” you start as you tilt your head. “But first, a couple of small rules.”

“I’m listening,” Taehyung nods obediently. 

“One, don’t interrupt,” you hold out a finger. You wiggle it at the camera that’s still on you as Taehyung raises his eyebrows at your asserting behavior. “Two, no touching!”

Taehyung deeply chuckles to himself. A challenge for him of course.

“And three,” you continue, “and this is the most important rule of them all…”

Your boyfriend shuffles himself up the bed slightly, legs spreading a smidgen wider for his growing bulge. It’s very evident through the fabric of his shorts, but you pay it no attention.

“I’m listening, baby. Tell me what it is,” he urges you on as he angles the camera.

Your knee bends into the end of the bed, pressing into the mattress where Taehyung is leaning back on. Stretching your legs open a little wider, you tease the idea of your prettiness and smooth thighs to him. The knife in your hand points towards the camera as your other hand presses into Taehyung’s chest to push him down.

“All eyes on me,” you speak beneath the mask you wear.

“God you’re so sexy…” Taehyung murmurs. His chest rises and falls with anticipation, and you already know you have him locked and loaded. “How did I get so luc –”

“– Let’s begin!” You twist the blade in your hand. “Get each question right and I'll touch myself for you. Get them wrong and well… let’s just say you won’t have a happy ending tonight.”

Taehyung’s smile never leaves his face while his eyes cannot focus on any specific part of your body. He wants to drink you all up, savior every single second of this sexy foreplay you have going on.

You hold up a single finger as you trail an invisible line above your cleavage area. It dances over each of your collar bones and up the length of your neck. A snicker escapes your throat, but the tone is more promiscuous than evil.

“I’ll give you an easy one. In the first Stab movies, which actress plays the part of the Woodsboro native, Sidney Prescott?”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, “Tori Spelling.”

“Yes! Very good,” you announce. Your palm grasps the mound of your tit as you feel yourself up in front of your boyfriend. Slowly, you slide your hand down the expanse of your torso down toward your hip. Making sure to outline all your curves and edges. You toy with the hemline of your panties through the sheer fabric that hangs down from your bust. “Ready for question number two?”

You watch the way Taehyung stares, rattling his brain about all the things he wants to do with you. To tease him further, your hand lands on his thigh as you guide it up toward the junction of his hips. With purpose, you avoid touching him where he’ll enjoy it the most. Letting him know you’re only centimeters away from pleasuring his cock.

“Yeah, hit me with the next one,” he murmurs. You can tell his voice is going softer as he stays focused.

“What was the name of the first book Gale Weathers wrote?”

You turn the dagger in your hand to drag the handle across your thigh. Bringing it up towards your clothed cunt that you keep spread open as your knee continues to bend into the mattress. Tilting your head, you let out a sweet “hmm?” noise towards Taehyung who is gawking at the way you decide to use your prop.

“Uh, uhm…”

“C’mon, babe. I know reading isn’t your forte… but a Ghostface fanatic should know this as well!”

“Isn’t it the Woodsboro Murders?” he looks up to you briefly for affirmation. There’s a sweet innocence to his eyes, clouded within the lust that pools in there.

“Ah? Is that your final answer?” you chuckle as you place your other knee onto the bed to now tower your boyfriend. With force, you make sure he’s pinned flat on his back.

“Why do you make it sound like it’s wrong?” he quizzes you as he places the camera to the side.

“Oh, because it is,” you interject quickly. With nothing else said, you take Taehyung’s answer and discipline him. “It’s Wrongly Accused. Based on the Maureen Prescoutt murder.” You unwrap a piece of black fabric off of your outfit, long enough to wrap around Taehyung’s head to cover his eyes. You’ve chosen to blind him from seeing you for now, since his answer was incorrect. He needs to be penalized somehow.

“Baby,” he whines. “I want to see you!”

“Get the questions right and maybe you will,” you threaten.

You grab ahold of his hand and drag it close to your warm body. Giving Taehyung something to visualize, you guide his palm across your fishnet leggings and up the side of your hip. He hums satisfaction, it matches the lopsided grin plastered to his face.

“Next question. Which college did Sidney and her friends get attacked at back in 1998?”

You shuffle your body forward, placing both of your legs around Taehyung’s frame as you sit on his lap. His hard-on pains with lack of touch beneath you, but your added warmth and friction helps the slightest. Taehyung’s free hand taps on his chest as he ponders the question while the one you escort up your body touches and feels you.

“Windsor College.”

“Correct!” You praise as you sit further down onto his bulge. With excitement, you bring Taehyung’s hand up to have access to your breasts. You moan softly when he takes the lead and gropes you across your chest. Making sure to feel and fondle both of them equally and with full appreciation.

“I like this game,” he comments with a gruffier voice.

“I bet you do, babe.” You lean down toward your boyfriend's face, smiling under the mask at how pretty and complacent he is under your ministrations. You allow him to continue to tug and toy with your tits, plucking at your nipples through the material when he can. But you take a fist full of his hair with your hand and hold him to the mattress. A little roughness wouldn’t hurt him. “Here’s another for you,” you hold up your fake knife against his throat. “In Stab 6, what images did the Facebook stalker use to catfish Trudy?”

Taehyung chuckles once again, tilting his head to the side as you place more pressure with the grip on his hair.

“Channing Tatum’s Abercrombie photos. I’m sure you’d enjoy those too.”

“Not as much as I enjoy you,” you smile. 

Your grip releases from him as you settle back on your heels. His hand chases you, but you’re fast to move it down lower. Between the apex of your thighs. Taehyung hums at the contact and from how damp you already feel. He skillfully pets along your folds from the outside of your thong, tracing patterns across your lady-bits.

You take a moment to relish in the feeling. It nearly distracts you from your game because of how much you want him to sink his fingers inside of you.

The two of you share a warm giggle with another, noticing how your hips start to move with the pace of his fingers.

“I thought you were supposed to touch yourself?” Taehyung teases.

“Well,” you breathe. “I changed my… mind.”

Taehyung grins, “I wonder why…” he acts coy. His knuckles graze across your clit through your panties and it forces you to hold yourself by placing a hand on his chest. “Do I get another question?”

Your breath hitches, it’s becoming unbearable to breathe under your mask. You clear your throat, gripping a fist full of his shirt, “Yes. Last year, what was the name of Sheriff Judy’s son who was murdered mere minutes after her at their residence here in Woodsboro?”

A fingertip trails on the outside of your thong, tickling you in the process. Taehyung slips his digit underneath, touching your slippery pussy. It glides smoothly, easy for him to slide further to touch you deeper.

“Fuck. Tae,” you softly groan.

He reaches around with his other hand, testing how far he can go while you still hold the dominant position. His palm grips your bare ass, weaving through the pieces of fishnet leggings before ripping a piece of it apart. 

“Y-Your answer?” you breathe.

“Kiss me,” he demands.

“That’s not an answer,” you laugh. You release a moan when you feel his finger twist and dip into the entrance of your pussy, slotting knuckle deep. “Tae –”

“Wes,” he whispers as he leans up. With a growl, he snakes his arm around your hips and pulls you closer to him. Taehyung nudges his face in the nook of your neck, breathing heat against your skin while he deeply chuckles. “Fuck this game,” he speaks against your neck, leaving a sensual kiss against it. The whine that escapes your lips from feeling his teeth lightly dragging along your sweet spot fills the empty room. It’s louder than anything playing on the television behind you.

Taehyung pulls you in a humping-motion against his hand that’s lodged between your thighs. He flicks against the walls of the inside of your pussy, searching for your sensitive areas.

You drop your prop as you frantically pull up Taehyung’s t-shirt, hauling it over his head to undress him as fast as possible. You curl your fingernails against his shoulders as Taehyung nibbles your skin, causing goosebumps to rise and fall.

Despite every rational part of your brain reminding you that your game is at stake, you couldn’t care less with the result anymore. You and Taehyung had your fun, even though it was brief, and now you’re ready to get down to business.

His skin is warm against yours as you push him down with you following. You rip off your mask, tossing the pathetic item to the side and appreciate a nice cool breeze of fresh air hitting your face. Sweat dampens around your hairline as your lips connect to his. You rush to remove the fabric around his eyes, using your fingers to rake along the roots of his hair.

You rock back and forth on his finger, begging for him to enter another one. Taehyung follows your lead in the make-out, tongue chasing yours as you dive deeper inside of his mouth. You groan in unison, smiling as your teeth clink with how eager the two of you are.

“You’re so hot,” he comments in between breathless kisses.

Between the sensations of his deft finger, how hungrily he eats at your mouth, and how smooth and naked he feels against you already, you feel like you’ve entered heaven.

“Oh, Tae,” you hum. Your breath comes out labored, electrified.

Briskly, you reach down between your bodies and slip your hand around the elastic of his night shorts. Your movements are quick and frenzied as you grip onto his length, feeling the heavy girth bare. Taehyung voices a choked moan, surprised with the sudden touch. Your wrist flicks as much as it can in your compromising position, enough to run your palm up and down his cock.

You feel the heat racing to your face as Taehyung slides a second finger inside of you, rubbing in a come-hither gesture. Your head nearly falls down against his shoulder as you attempt to not lose control of your body, but the feeling is so toe-curling good!

With desire, you look up through half-lidded eyes. Lust fuels your entire body, you can tell it affects Taehyung too.

“I want you in me,” you speak with kiss ridden lips. “Fuck me like this, babe.”

Taehyung wastes no time shimmying his shorts down far enough to release his cock between the two of you. His chest heaves with each shallow breath he takes. A hand comes around to playfully slap and hungrily massage at the flesh of your ass as he hoists you higher and angles himself below you.

“Move up for me, baby.” He turns his head toward you, a smile laced on his lips. Without another word, he leans forward and captures your lips in a bruising kiss while his hand rips at the thin thong that you wear. You can hear the tear audibly, but somehow it turns you on knowing how the desire within Taehyung is taking over. “Let me fuck you in this pretty little Ghostface outfit.”

You lean up for him, biting down on your lower lip as you look at Taehyung clumsily shuffling himself under you. His eyes stare at your bare, dripping pussy. Likes the way it shines with your wetness.

“That’s right, come sit on me,” he beckons as his dick taps against your pelvis. “See how sharp my weapon is,” he jokes in a sexy manner.

Cracking up with laughter, you lift enough to feel him at your entrance. His bulbous mushroom head feels so nice and smooth, ready to glide right in.

Your hand comes out to grip around Taehyung’s throat, a surprise for both you and him. Yet something in the back of your mind tells you that this is good. Something he may enjoy with your power-play move tonight. Slowly, and only lightly, do you squeeze around the column of his neck, raising your eyebrows as you anticipate his sign of protest.

You take him in with one movement, hissing at the sensation the moment you sit flat on his lap. He fills you full, your cunt thanks you with vibrating pulses around him. Allowing a few moments and testing thrusts to go by, you adjust accordingly. Until you’re ready to go faster.

Harder.

Every bounce has his dick reaching deeper inside of you, opening you wider and dragging against every inch of your velvety walls. You search for his eyes when you tighten your grip around his neck, but you see nothing but pure enjoyment on his face. Taehyung moans as his hands help lead you with each swivel of your hips. His mouth is parted, eyes fluttering shut with exhilaration shooting through his nerves.

“Shit,” he seethes through his teeth. “Baby slow down, I'm going to cum.”

But you don’t listen to his plea. You want him to cum. Bust his nut and lose control because of you. So you set yourself, pushing harder down onto his cock and riding your boyfriend for all he’s worth. Even selfishly rutting your clit into his pelvic bone to get yourself off.

You notice the way Taehyung’s eyebrows downturn with a spike of fury. “Baby,” he warns as his voice gets cut off from you moving the hand on his neck to his mouth. You cover his lips, hushing him from putting up a fight.

Though, Taehyung does not take a liking to that.

Within a snap of a finger, Taehyung hoists his body up enough to gain an advantage on you. He twists around fast, pushing you to the side as he slips out of your grasp. Taehyung’s hands move you around, holding you with your chest against the mattress as your ass stays up.

“Tae, wait!” you laugh and beg. You try to wiggle out of the position, but he pins you down by your arms. “I want to make you cum!”

“Oh, trust me,” he huffs. “You and only you will make me cum.”

Taehyung takes a handful of your ass before spreading your cheeks open. He stands behind you before inserting himself, sliding his cock in from a brand new angle.

You groan out loud, pulling your legs together. The mattress’s sheets ball in your fists as Taehyung thrusts inside of you at a steady pace. Your body shifts up on the bed, but keeps getting dragged back down against Taehyung’s lap. He’s amazed how fast you fall apart with your whole body tensing against him.

The small moans you try to hide are highly cherished by him. Fuels Taehyung to keep pressing forward and pile-drive his cock into you.

“Oh fuck, fuck!” You curse with your face pressed down. You purposely muffle your noises to not disturb the neighboring guests in the other rooms. The phone is still unplugged so at least you won’t be receiving any noise complaints through there.

You encourage Taehyung with the higher moans. It tells him to fill you up, go harder and faster all at once. His cock starts to twitch as he draws near to his release, ready to burst his entire load all because of you.

“Do it with me,” he demands as his cock dives deeper into you. His pelvis slaps hard against your backside, hoping to force you to your orgasm. “I can feel you tightening up, baby. Cum for me. Show me how this slutty Ghostface cums.”

You turn your head to the side to gasp for fresh air. Through your lashes it’s not hard to tell that the camera is still on the two of you, now performing a surprise sex-tape. The thought crosses your mind and it makes you curious if Taehyung has noticed as well.

“Babe,” you whine with the pressure of his dick inside of you, “Babe the camera?”

You can hear the smile in his chuckle when he reaches for the recording device. Taehyung still maintains his pace while now capturing a new view. From the back, the screen records your entire backside and how his lengthy cock slithers in and out of your folds. Your black lingerie compliments you so beautifully, Taehyung never wants to forget about it.

The slapping from skin on skin resounds so loudly, almost covering the noise from the television. It only quickens when Taehyung sets into another drive.

He calls you by your pet name, grinning as you mewl over the size and speed of his cock. He compliments you through the camera while one hand holds you tight by the hip.

“Touch yourself,” he commands. “Reach down there and play with yourself.”

You obey, slithering your fingers between your legs and begin rubbing circles against your swollen clit. Your teeth bite a mouthful of the sheets below you as Taehyung fastens his pace, matching the eagerness of your digits.

“Mmf!” you groan as a build up inside you finally shatters. Cracking like a whip against your nerves and shooting sparks of pleasure throughout you. Your back arches harshly, almost knocking Taehyung off his balance as you press back into him. Cunt so eager to get fucked.

The camera drops to the side of the bed as your boyfriend firmly places his other hand around your thigh, anchoring himself to your body as you ride out your orgasm. He holds you against him, dick submerged as deep as he can go as he stills. Shifting his hips ever so slightly as his cock quivers as cum spurts out the tip, dressing your cervix and inner walls.

“Mm, yeah,” he voices with a slack jaw. His hips continue to roll into you slowly, pushing every ounce of cum into your pussy. “I wasn’t risking dirtying the outfit,” he huffs.

You continue to wiggle with the aftermath vibrations throughout your body, but you giggle nonetheless. Craning your head enough to look back at your handsome boyfriend you smile brightly.

“How kind of you,” you speak in sarcasm. “I’m sure that wasn’t the only reason why you want to cum inside of me.” You clench down on his lodged cock to tease him again, watching the way his face suddenly contorts to a painful, sensitive reaction.

“I thank you for taking birth control, for not just sexy time, but…” he anxiously confesses. “Actually, no. Right now, I really thank you for taking it.”

“I know what you were trying to say,” you comment lightheartedly. “It helps with more than just ‘sexy time’.”

“I love you,” he states to clear the air. “I really do,” he playfully pulls at a garter belt connected to your stocking and corset. It snaps back in place against your skin, “You’re my favorite person in the world.”

“I love you too,” you smile as you prop yourself up by your elbows. “And Happy Anniversary!”

Taehyung lifts the disposed Ghostface mask off the floor after he detaches himself from you. He inspects the item, flipping it back and forth. He smiles, giving you a quick eyebrow raise and sparkling look.

“My turn?” He questions as he pulls the mask over his head and allows it to sit on his face. “Let’s play some more games, baby.”

You slip on a nice early fall dress that pairs with your brown booties. The jean jacket you want to wear lounges on the back of the chair beside you, waiting to be picked up once you finish tightening a belt around your waist.

A small lingering ache rests between your legs from the previous night. Taehyung surely had fun with you. You wince when he comes out of the bathroom from his shower, noticing the bruise on the side of his forehead that has formed a small grotesque spot.

“I’m sorry again,” you inspect lightly. Stopping him in his tracks, your finger touches the bump. “It doesn’t look as bad as I thought it would though.”

“It’s alright, it’s my fault for having my head too close to yours when I tried to… you know.”

You shrug, “Yeah. Might need to give a girl a warning before touching her asshole.”

Your lips softly peck the swollen spot on his head before you allow him to continue to his clothes. Mentally, you check off all the items you have already packed back up in your bags in preparation of departure.

The television plays the local news aimlessly in the background as you scroll through your phone. You can barely hear from how low the volume is, but an alert blurts on the screen in bold red lettering.

“Breaking News! –”

“Baby, can you pull up the directions for Fairvale? The Bates Motel shouldn’t be too far from here,” your gruff voiced boyfriend askes.

You blink, trying to listen to both the conversations. “Sure. Did you gather everything from the bathroom?”

Taehyung slips his pants up his legs as a toothbrush is lodged in his mouth. Multitasking at its finest. He brushes his teeth as he dresses himself, pulling over his shirt section by section. He grunts a noise, one you know well that means he already finished putting everything together.

“Murdered! Several bodies have been found! Adding to the Woodsboro mystery of horrors. This once peaceful, now suffering community, continues to be terrorized and haunted by masked killings. Like out of some plot of a horror movie.”

Both you and Taehyung freeze at the commentary coming from the television in the corner of the hotel room. Stunned, you watch the news reporter stand in front of what seems to be the Macher’s house. Which is now turned into a funhouse for visiting horror-enthusiasts.

“No fuckin’ way…” Taehyung murmurs as he watches ideally as the images begin to show. Caution tape, police cars, and ambulances surround the reporter who holds their microphone to their mouth. “No way this shit is real.”

“We… we were there last night…” you trail off.

“Just after midnight, a masked killer wreaked havoc through an attraction site for –”

“Do you think…” Taehyung begins to speak.

“... I don’t want to think,” you stand up abruptly. “I just… Can we go?”

You glance at Taehyung nervously, but you’re already gripping your jacket and sliding it on your arms. Something spikes deep inside of you, something that shocks you. Maybe Woodsboro isn’t the best place for you to be, even though you once thought everything would be fine. Searching for your purse, you lift all of your bags in one heave.

“Hey, hey!” Taehyung tries to calm you down with a softer tone. “Hey, listen. Just wait for a second!” 

His hand grips you by your elbow, pulling you gently back toward him.

Taehyung’s hands find their way around your body, touching your face in a caressing kind of way. His thumb runs over the curve of your cheek while he looks into your frantic eyes.

“It’s ok to feel freaked out. This is freaking me out as well,” he comments. “Don’t go running so fast. Stay with me, baby.” He tries to sooth your speeding thoughts. “We’ll leave together.”

Moodboard themed credited to: @/kth1 (me)

© All rights reserved under @kth1​ - do not copy, repost, modify, edit, or translate any of my work without my direct consent. This TUMBLR and AO3 the ONLY places my fics are posted.

[quietwings-fics]

The Bar at the End of the World

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: N/A Fandom: The Magnus Archives Ship: Gen (With sides of Jon/Martin & Georgie/Melanie) Additional Tags: Drinking, Episode: e198 Precipice (The Magnus Archives), Angst and Humor, Established Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Minor Georgie Barker/Melanie King, Sad Ending, Friendship, End of the World, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, The Magnus Archives Season 5, Autistic Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Drunk Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, its my story and i say that a drunk jon is a stimmy jon, Cuddling & Snuggling, this is going to be jossed as soon as the next epi comes out but for now Enjoy, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Dialogue Heavy Wordcount: 2264 Summary:

Post-Episode 198, Or: What is left of the crew gets drunk together.

It is the end of the world. In a way, it has always been the end of the world. When time and space saw that things were about to get apocalyptic, they looked at each other for a long moment, shrugged, and packed their bags for a vacation they didn’t plan to come back from. For some people, it has been the end of the world for a few months. For some, 2 years. And for a privileged few, always. Whatever the case, it’s a very good excuse for getting drunk.

Somewhere, a tape recorder whirrs to life, and one woman gives it a dirty look.

“You can destroy them,” says former podcast host, cat-owner, and cult leader Georgie Barker. Currently, her occupation is: Alcohol.

“Will it help?” Basira asks in a voice so thick with irritation that it’s a wonder she doesn’t choke on it. Georgie considers, waves a hand vaguely in the air, and drinks.

“It won’t stop it, but, I don’t know, it’s cathartic?” Basira nods, stands, walks over to the tape recorder, and picks it up. She turns it over in her hands, and it hums cheerfully as it feeds on the misery of the room. She taps her nails against the side. With sudden violence, she throws it at the ground, and it shatters, plastic and tape running away from the impact point in confusion. Basira steps on the corpse of it to see if that might make her feel like she’s accomplished something.

Somewhere, a tape recorder whirrs to life. This time, it’s nestled itself on the back of the ratty couch that used to hold The Archivist as he silently tried to find the bottom of his bottle. In the minutes since, his boyfriend, miraculously not filled with spiders, has joined him. The couch now holds Martin Blackwood and Jonathan Sims, and when the tape recorder joins them, Martin raises a hand to push it off. Then sighs, shakes his head, and drops it to pet Jon’s hair.

Jon, throughly intoxicated, makes a whirring noise that is suspiciously similar to the tape.

A note about finding drinks during the Apocalypse: It’s harder than you’d think. Not because it isn’t there, but because most of it isn’t alcohol proper and it’s rather unpleasant to open up a bottle only to be greeted by a wisp of fog symbolizing someone’s inability to be emotionally vulnerable. When it is to be found, (on a far back shelf of an empty grocery store where the announcement sound rings every seven minutes on the dot but is never followed by any announcements) the wine will be sour and the whiskey will be more poison than drink, but they’ll do the job just as well.

“It doesn’t actually make you feel better,” says Melanie King, who is on the same side of sober as Basira but for different reasons. She is having a hard time staying there. “It connects your anger with aggression. Next time, you’ll just want to destroy something again.” These are not her words, but they were good advice when she heard them.

“You didn’t stop me,” Basira points out. Melanie grimaces. It doesn’t seem like good advice anymore.

“I’ll wait until we know you have a next time to be worried about,” Melanie says.

“Which we will,” Martin says, “so, no more smashing things.” Melanie snorts but doesn’t argue. She thinks that if she were drunk, she would have. That’s part of the reason she hasn’t picked up a glass.

“Do you think everyone will remember? When it all shuts off,” Georgie asks, contemplative, “or will things go back to normal and we’ll be the only ones? We will remember, right?” Without meaning to, all eyes turn to Jon, seeking answers. He doesn’t respond to the sudden attention, not until Martin pokes him in the cheek.

“I’m not sure what you asked, but whatever it is... I don’t know. Not here, anyway,” Jon says. He starts rubbing his hands together and sits up before he gets a crick in his neck from using Martin’s leg as a pillow. Sober Jon might have been embarrassed, but then again, sober Jon had been through more than one literal hell, so perhaps not. Georgie lets out a sigh of relief.

“That’s probably a good thing.” She leans back against Melanie’s chair. “You don’t want any?”

“You’ve asked me that already, hon. Twice.” Georgie blinks and gives her a weak smile.

“We know it’s working, then.” It’s a smile Melanie does her very best to return, with little success. A few domains over and uncountable miles away, the face she makes is adopted by an Avatar of the Spiral and used to send a woman into a fit of hysteria. Melanie will never know about this. She’ll still feel a lingering sense of guilt for it, but it’s a book that will fit right in on her extensive shelf of self-condemnation.

"Do you want to remember this? It hasn't exactly been..." Basira trails off. For a moment, she almost- This assignment's turning out to be a real hoot, Daisy would say, with sarcasm as sharp as fangs. "Fun." Basira finishes.

"Someone should. Might as well be us," Georgie says. Basira nods. In a selfish part of her heart, she would like to forget the monster Daisy became. In another part, one that's only gotten louder the longer she's had to walk the domains, she knows it wouldn't erase the monster she always was. (Basira is still only human, and sometimes the selfish part wins. Some days, she needs to remember Daisy's smile like she needs air.)

"I won't," Jon puts in. He's had enough time to figure out exactly what it is they're talking about now. "If I live." He adds, because he is impossible.

"Jon..." Martin warns. Jon lets his head drop to his boyfriend's shoulder, rubbing a hand along the scratchy couch cushions. Staying (mostly) upright is harder than he remembers, even sitting down.

"You don't get to die on us now, bastard." There's frustration in her voice, yes, but no real anger. "We dragged you this far. You're coming with us over the finish line." Against Martin's shoulder, Jon mouth turns up at the corners. It's not a smile, but it is happy. He thinks that getting drunk was a fantastic idea. It's giving him other fantastic ideas, too, like-

"Jon, where-" He stumbles to his feet, using Martin to lever himself despite an affronted squawk. He bats his boyfriend's worried hands away. He's fine; He remembers how to walk. Mostly. The only table they have is a small, dinky coffee table that is holding the remainder of the night's alcohol. Jon deems it sufficient for his purposes. Purposes being climbing atop it. It wobbles dangerously.

"I need to tell everyone-" He begins and wobbles again. Martin sucks in a sharp breath.

"Jon, get off the table before you hurt yourself." Basira says, but pointedly, neither she nor anyone else makes him do so. It's not like he can be hurt.

Although, it would just be their luck if The Archivist died during a drunken ramble by falling off a coffee table.

On second thought, Basira tenses and prepares to grabs Jon if he should fall.

"To. Tell everyone. That-" Jon continues, trying to keep his footing. He looks a bit like someone surfing, if the surfboard has been chewed at the edges by sharks and the person is more of a snorkeler by trade. "That I wouldn't be here without you. Not here, the end of the world, that's- That's always been my fault. But here. Under the institute. In Jurgen's rat tunnels. With you." He flaps his hands. Should you have asked him in the moment, Jon would have told you it was possibly the best speech he'd ever given in his life. If you'd have asked Georgie, she would have told you that he used to do this back at Uni, too. "And I love you. I love all of you. You're here, and... Thank you." He finishes, eloquent as ever. He looks down at the floor, which seems millions of miles away. This is not because space no longer works at the end of the world, nor is it because the Vast is planning an imminent assassination of Jonathan Sims. It's because he's a lot more drunk than he realized and whatever coordination he had to get up on this table has fled in a panic. "Uh."

"Alright, alright. Let's get you down." Georgie chuckles. Jon doesn't so much take her hand and let her guide him off as he does flop down into her arms. It's easier than it was at Uni. Jon hasn't gotten any bigger, but Georgie's gotten stronger. "Better?"

"Yes. Thank you." He steadies himself, puts his hands on her shoulders. "Georgie?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to save our son." Melanie coughs. Loudly. Georgie makes a confused face, and then her light chuckle becomes a full laugh. "He's a good cat. The best cat."

"Worry about yourself, Jon. Not The Admiral." She pats his cheek. "Although, yes, we're going to save him." Jon nods.

"Georgie?"

"Yeah?"

"He didn't want to hurt anyone. He didn't mean to." Her smile wavers at the edges. "And he's sorry. The Admiral. He's sorry for getting so many people-" Georgie hugs him.

"I know." Jon hugs her back, and it's only partially because he's not sure how much his legs work anymore. After a minute, Martin comes over to retrieve him, and Jon goes without a fuss. Georgie kisses him on the forehead. "Good night, Jon." He mumbles something that's probably an answer.

"Night, all." Martin says for him. Basira waves. Melanie turns her head in their direction, lips pulled into a thin line.

It's not difficult to guide Jon back to their cot. Martin's glad he's never been one to start losing motor control when he's drunk. Jon seems to have enough of that for both of them. He goes where Martin leads him though, and he stares. Martin's more than used to that by now. Jon doesn't blink unless he's making a conscious effort to. It's nice, in a way, because Jon already knows his face, every freckle and stress line and the way he scrunches up his nose when he's frustrated, and he still wants to keep looking at it. It's not new knowledge to feed the Eye. It's looking for Jon's sake alone,  and that makes it... okay. Good. Cute. When they get to the bed and he lets go of Jon, his boyfriend follows the natural course of gravity and hits it with a thump.

"Make room." Martin whines at him, and Jon mimics the sound, smushed against the bed. Martin shoves him, a little ungraciously, but Jon just rolls with it. Nearly off the bed, but Martin catches him with a sigh. Martin counts the seconds down as he settles next to Jon. Four. Three. Two. And- There is suddenly an Jon-shaped octopus clinging to him with every available limb. Exactly as Martin planned. The perfect crime. Jon squirms until he's comfortable.

It's really hard to tell if he's asleep, Martin realizes five minutes later, because he's still staring at him.

"I wanted to cook for you," Jon murmurs. Not asleep, then.

"Didn't you? Before all of this. I specifically remember-" Martin says.

"No. No. Not that. We were going to have an adversary-"

"Anniversary?"

"Shut up, Martin," Jon hides his face, and Martin grins. "I wanted to make you dinner. With candles. And romance."

"That's really sweet of you." It would require more coordination than Jon has and more energy than Martin can spare to properly kiss like this. Instead, Martin lifts his hand, kisses his index and middle finger, and then presses them against Jon's cheek. "Also, I'm really glad you had a plan. I think I was panicking a little. I had no idea if you'd even want to celebrate it, or how, or what to do... How did we spend our anniversary?"

"Time doesn't work here."

"Humor me."

"Hm." It's hard to see his face in the dark, but Jon looks up and frowns, trying to remember. "I think... That place where all the doors were mouths. One of them tried to eat you." Martin makes a face.

"Ugh."

"Yes. Not particularly romantic."

"Guess we'll just have to have a do-over, when this is done," Martin says. Jon doesn't answer.

"Our world is ending," he says, finally, very quiet.

"The world's always ending."

"Our world." Jon finds Martin's hand by running his fingers down his arm. "Everything else is ending, but we were beginning." Jon's voice is a tremulous thing, hiding in the dark. "I wanted to cook for you," he repeats, "and repaint the bedroom. You never liked the color. You deserved to go home somewhere and know that it was where love lived." Martin breathes in, one long breath, and he holds it until the lump in his throat retreats. Jon is tracing nonsense patterns over his palm, and his voice is getting softer.

"We still could, you know."

"I'd like that." Jon finds an extra centimeter of space between them and snuggles closer. "I love you, Martin."

"I love you, too, Jon." He waits until Jon falls asleep. Makes sure this time, both that he is and that he'll stay asleep. Martin can't move without disturbing him, but he's always been a quiet crier. If anyone notices his eyes are still red tomorrow, he'll have the alcohol to blame, and the end of the world.

(Enjoyed it? Any interaction is welcomed. You can even support me on Ko-Fi <3)

[ao3feed-jonmartin]

i swear that i'll not lose you again

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/K8pwE3Y by speyeral “If… if we get separated somehow-” “Jon-” “I need you to look for me. Don't stop. I will wait as long as it takes.” “I don't want to kill you!” Martin choked out through sobs. “I know. I love you, Martin.” Then, Jonathan Sims ended at the hand of the one he loved the most and at the fault of only himself. The world stopped. or Jon and Martin wake up Somewhere Else, which turns out to be the universe of Jon's college band, The Mechanisms. Words: 7229, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast), The Mechanisms (Band), The Bifrost Incident - The Mechanisms (Album) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: Gen, M/M, Other Characters: Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Lyfrassir Edda, Martin Blackwood, Lyfrassir Edda's Mother, Lyfrassir Edda's Father, Original Characters, Gunpowder Tim (The Mechanisms), Jonny d'Ville, The Mechanisms Ensemble, Marius von Raum Relationships: Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist & Original Character(s), Lyfrassir Edda & Original Character(s), Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist & Marius von Raum, Lyfrassir Edda & Marius von Raum, The Mechanisms Ensemble & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, The Mechanisms Ensemble & Martin Blackwood, Gunpowder Tim (The Mechanisms) & Martin Blackwood, Jonny d'Ville/Gunpowder Tim, Martin Blackwood & Jonny d'Ville Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Post-Episode: e200 Last Words (The Magnus Archives), Alternate Universe - Somewhere Else, Canon-Typical Violence, Temporary Character Death, End Avatar Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Beholding Avatar Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Lyfrassir Edda is Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood is a Mechanism, The Mechanisms Were Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist's College | University Band, Martin Blackwood commits murder, POV Alternating, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Near Death Experiences, Nonbinary Lyfrassir Edda, He/Him and She/Her Pronouns for Lyfrassir Edda, Wonky Time Stuff idk, Canon-Typical Temporary Death, graphic description of death, thats the most accurate i can get for the one short death scene tag wise i think, No beta we die like the mechanisms, Canon-Typical Gun Violence, aka tim and jonny, Basira Hussain is Ashes O'Reilly, Jordan Kennedy is Gunpowder Tim, was at least, Marius Von Raum has a Hyperfixation on Lyfrassir Edda, they're so silly to me, Canon Divergence - The Bifrost Incident, Light Angst, Original Character Death(s), Immortal Lyfrassir Edda, Immortal Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/K8pwE3Y

[sshbpodcast]

Character Spotlight: Leonard McCoy

By Ames

We’re still boldly going through all the characters of The Original Series in A Star to Steer Her By’s latest blog collection, and this week the spotlight is on Dr. Leonard McCoy! We’re not even going to be at all objective about this one because Bones is the favorite TOS character of most of the hosts here at SSHB, so be prepared for us to gush about his curmudgeonly actions, witty one-liners, and constant back-and-forth with Spock.

It helps that DeForest Kelley brings so much more to the role than is on the page, so let’s dive in and discover what our favorite McCoy moments are, scrape the bottom of the barrel for some lesser moments, and generally fan all over the CMO of the starship Enterprise. Read on below and listen to this week’s banter on the podcast (discussion at 1:04:23) for more about this old country doctor. We hope you have a mint julep handy!

[Images © CBS/Paramount

Best Moments

Promoted too fast One of McCoy’s most highlighted facets is his obstinance, which is often played to hilarious effect. So when the ship is under threat from Balok’s Fesarius in “The Corbomite Maneuver,” it’s quite fitting that McCoy is stubborn enough to make what might be his last living action writing up Lt. Bailey just to spite Kirk for promoting him too fast. Now that’s no bluff!

Well, either choke me or cut my throat! Make up your mind! McCoy is at his most badass in “Space Seed” when his patient, Khan, has grabbed one of the good doctor’s handy wall knives and held him up. “It would be most effective if you would cut the carotid artery just under the left ear,” Bones says while his life is being threatened, and everyone watching this show goes “Daaaaaamn.”

Something called a mint julep. It’s a drink, Jim! Speaking of McCoy being a straight-up badass, when the subsonic transmitter is undoing the euphoric effects of the spores in “This Side of Paradise,” he straight up slugs the guy who dares imply that his job as a physician may have become obsolete on a planet with no disease. Without so much as dropping his drink! Grade-A badass right there.

My patients don't walk out in the middle of an operation Don’t forget that McCoy is a half decent doctor, especially considering most medical work in the future is waving a medical tricorder over people. But he proves his physician’s skills in “Journey to Babel” when he performs surgery on Sarek, transfusing a blood sample from a reluctant Spock and saving the ambassador’s life, all in the middle of a battle with Orions!

I’m trying to thank you… As we mentioned in the Spock spotlight post, the jail scene in “Bread and Circuses” is just stunning acting work from both Nimoy and Kelley. It’s such a short scene, but it’s got everything. And when McCoy ponders that Spock is afraid of living, afraid of showing his human half, afraid of feeling, they display in their acting that they’re both in the same emotional place and I love it.

A child could do it Like in “Journey to Babel,” Bones gets to prove his medical prowess in “Spock’s Brain,” even if it’s a little bit laughable overall. He does need help from the Teacher to give himself the temporary knowledge to reconnect Spock to his big Vulcan brain, but when that wears off, he keeps it together, and with a little help from his green-blooded friend, gets the job done.

Please give yourself every minute No wonder this episode was our favorite from TOS. What a great showcase for DeForest Kelley. His grappling with impending death in “For the World Is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky” is expertly played and beautifully explores how to measure a life’s happiness. McCoy’s romance with Natira is lovely and I heartily wish he didn’t have to leave her, though as I said in my review of Sawdust to Stardust, the novel Ex Machina revisits Yonada and is quite good!

I’ve been drafted There’s just something about Bones McCoy in The Motion Picture, standing on the transporter pad that he hates so much, grumbling at Kirk about getting drafted back into Starfleet, complaining like a cantankerous old coot about all the renovations made to his medical bay, all while wearing the most disco of civilian attire that is just plain charming.

I choose the danger While we found it a biiiit presumptuous for Spock to cram his katra into McCoy in The Wrath of Khan, it allows for some just plain great DeForest Kelley acting in The Search for Spock, so we can kinda forgive the violation. All movie long, McCoy gets to act like he’s mildly possessed by Spock, and then bravely face the fal-tor-pan ceremony that could be dangerous to humans. “Hell of a time to ask.”

What is this, the Dark Ages? While it could be seen as a blatant infringement of the Temporal Prime Directive to give a kidney pill to the woman on dialysis in The Voyage Home, you’ve just gotta love it when Starfleet doctors take matters into their own hands for the sake of a patient. Does the Hippocratic Oath trump the prime directive? Probably not, but McCoy is a hero to that woman regardless.

Not long after, they found a cure Sometimes Star Trek just doesn’t deserve DeForest Kelley, whose acting chops are frequently the best on the show, in our humble opinions. And the debated worst of the TOS films actually has some legitimately great McCoy moments – watching him euthanize his father only to learn a cure has been later found in The Final Frontier is such a moving scene that we really feel for.

Aside from a touch of arthritis… Only Leonard McCoy could get away with cracking a joke during his conspiracy trial prosecuted by relentless Klingons, as he does in The Undiscovered Country. And he even gets a couple of laughs out of the spectating Klingons in the audience, which may make up for getting convicted of a crime he didn’t commit. Take that, Chang!

—

Worst Moments

I was thinking about the buffalo The very first introduction of McCoy in “The Man Trap” sees him doing some pretty irrational things. How is Plum’s mind so clouded that he can’t see Nancy for what she really is, especially when she’s literally sucking the salt out of the captain? And it’s an emotional scene, but I still can’t forgive McCoy for killing the M-113 creature, a sentient being and the last of its kind.

Don’t peek! Something rubbed us the wrong way about Bones’s flirting with yeoman Barrows in “Shore Leave.” Maybe it’s the age gap. Maybe it’s that they didn’t have a ton of chemistry. Maybe it’s that we ship him and Natira way more. Or maybe it’s that when she asks him not to watch her change, his response is “My dear girl, I am a doctor. When I peek, it’s in the line of duty.” Gross, doc.

Two drops of cordrazine can save a man's life Every so often, we really question Dr. McCoy’s doctoring skills and how his shenanigans wouldn’t fly in later series. And as much as it serves as the impetus for one of the best TOS episodes, being careless enough to inject oneself with a hundred times the normal dose of cordrazine in “The City on the Edge of Forever” – time ripples or not! – is just plain ineptitude.

You are out of line… sir. McCoy says in “The Doomsday Machine” that he hasn’t had time to run an examination on Decker to declare him medically or psychologically unfit to command. Well, why not, doctor?! If in “The Deadly Years,” we had time to hold a trial about Kirk being too senile to command, you surely have the authority to order the commodore to a checkup. You’re the CMO for chrissakes!

I’m a doctor, not an escalator Everything McCoy does on Capella IV in “Friday’s Child” is very strange to me. a) Why had McCoy been there when these people are still in primitive stages? b) Why didn’t McCoy TELL Grant that drawing his phaser would get him killed? c) What fetishist wrote the slap fight with the pregnant woman? This whole incident was just eyebrow raising, one of McCoy’s specialties!

A total resentment towards women See what I mean about Bones not understanding doctoring sometimes? A woman crewmember makes a mistake that bonks Scott on the noggin, so McCoy diagnoses Scott with misogyny in “Wolf in the Fold,” and prescribes a trip to a brothel. That was a thing that happened. What incel wrote this nonsense? Sometimes, Star Trek, your being written in the sixties really shows.

They reproduce bisexually Another weird medical gaff McCoy makes is stating that the tribbles reproduce bisexually in “The Trouble with Tribbles.” Someone on the writing team apparently had no idea what that word means and it resulted in making McCoy just sound incompetent. The tribbles reproduce asexually, and their being born pregnant is what Bones was trying to relay when he flubbed it hard.

I think I left it in Bela’s office Not only did McCoy NOT get to play dress up in gangster clothes like Kirk and Spock in “A Piece of the Action” (what a waste; he would have looked great!), but the button at the end of the episode reveals that he’s left his communicator on Sigma Iotia! Well. Go and get it, nincompoop! That’s cultural contamination! Beam it up! Amateurs, I swear to Okmyx.

…you pointed-eared hobgoblin! Most of our worst McCoy moments have been a bit tongue-in-cheek until now, but you do have to admit that McCoy’s constant stream of casual racism at Vulcans is absolutely problematic. And as much as we credit the beautiful jail scene in “Bread and Circuses” (as I already did above), it’s also the time that he called Spock a “pointed-eared hobgoblin” and that’s not okay. The rest of that scene is still great though.

Will I become like Chekov, doctor? Okay, doc, I know everyone’s going mildly nuts in “The Tholian Web” because of the space crazies, but Uhura’s claim that she saw the captain should have been taken seriously. It was a symptom no one else had displayed. You already knew Kirk was vanishing and reappearing. And later you take Scott seriously when he makes the same claim. Justice for Uhura!

They've lost confidence in you We mentioned this episode in our Spock coverage, but it bears repeating. Everything was out of place in “The Tholian Web,” and McCoy was in rare form being extra racist to Spock the whole time. Even if it’s for good reason (Spock is terrible at command!), McCoy comes off as petty, emotional, and cruel all episode long and that’s not the kind of light-hearted ribbing he usually gives Spock.

It tastes just fine One final blundering McCoy moment comes in The Animated Series episode “The Eye of the Beholder.” “The water is too pure,” according to Spock, before McCoy reveals that it tastes fine. What are you doing drinking untested water on a planet where people have disappeared, bonehead? And getting crushed by a dragon somehow? What is this, amateur hour?

— This blogpost is dead, Jim! We know Bones is a doctor, not an engineer, so fittingly next week we’ll make sure to aim our character spotlight at an engineer! Join us for our celebration of all things Montgomery Scott here on the blog, and also in our continued watchthrough of all Trek over on SoundCloud or wherever you podcast. You can also hail us over on Facebook and Twitter, and maybe don’t keep your scalpels mounted above the biobed, doc. Just a thought.

[hurtmionedanger]

Hey bestie don't be shy

top 5 favorite podcast characters and why

YOU EXPECT ME TO PICK???? PICK BETWEEN MY BELOVED GUYS???????

I am going to try to diversify beyond the magnus archives, mostly because dbd has had me in a death choke recently

With that being said, in no particular order

1. The Obituary writer from Death by Dying

Hes such an icon, normal guy and yet so so so very weird, his best friend is the angel of death, his other best friend is in his freezer and her still beating heart is on his desk, everyone thinks he’s going to kill someone one of these days based on looks alone, he has a questionable taste in fashion, hes bisexual, he has three man eating cats, he solves murders just like as a hobby, he is the most sopping wet pathetic wet cat of a man you could ever hope to meet, he is silly, what more could you possibly want from a man?

2. Jonathan Jarchivist, see prior post about this man he is so ridiculous, mf ACCIDENTALLY STARTED THE APOCALYPSE, He has been kidnapped more then princess peach, he is the eyes special little boy, hes ASEXUAL LIKE ME FRFR, he has a boyfriend who loves him very much, he likes good cows, hot singles in his area want to hunt him for sport, hes the saddest little meow meow there could possibly be.

3. Timothy stoker, managed to convey he was wearing a hawaiian shirt by voice alone, also THIS MAN IS THE ARCHIVES BRAINCELL, THE SLUTTY BISEXUAL IS THE BRAINCELL HERE WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT THE ARCHIVES, BECAUSE SASHA VERY MUCH IS NOT THE BRAINCELL SHE FOLLOWED A DEFINITELY NOT HUMAN GUY TO A RANDOM GRAVEYARD WITH VERY LITTLE FOLLOW UP AS TO WHY SHE NEEDED TO GO, AND JON DOESNT HAVE IT FOR PREVIOUSLY STATED REASONS, AND MARTIN IS MARTIN, MEANING TIM IS THE ONLY BRAINCELL HERE. Also as my boyfriend can attest, i have a thing for angry men in hawaiian shirts, i think theyre hot

4. Not technically a Guy persay, but the beloved michael distortion for having a sick ass voice and an even sicker statement, shows up and just stabs the archivist just because he can, he is literally the embodiment of gaslighting gatekeeping and girlbossing and his design is very cool really regardless of how people draw him but ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY DRAW HIM WITH LIKE SUPER DISTORTED JOINTS AND MULTIPLE FACES AND SHIT LIKE MMMMMMMMM, he gets bonus points for having excellent hair and not being a who but a what

Number five hhhh how do i pick between all of my beloved podcast guys, leaving out martin because i already screamed about Why i love Martin Knife Blackwood Already

5. Georgie Barker I think has to go here, maybe alongside helen and Melanie, i love them all for very different reasons but they are just such girlbosses, georgie just doesn’t feel fear, had an existential crisis so hard her brain stopped processing it, she is the girl ever, also shes jons ex, automatically getting her more points, she had a skin clown break into her apartment and fuck with her lights and the only reason she was upset was because it meant she had to replace all her lightbulbs, Also georgie has a podcast where she talks about ghosts, which is really funny to me, and i would absolutely listen to her podcast

Honorable mentions:

Helen for season 5 shenanigans of showing up whenever JMart were fighting because she wanted the Tea

Gerry Keay for his defining trait mentioned by every single statement giver who saw him being “Really shittily dyed hair” like imagine that being your legacy

[deathlygristly]

Still trying to understand the trauma from fiction thing.

I ended up leaving the Patreon for the kdrama podcast I used to like, which is probably a good thing because the hosts sometimes talk about being traumatized by a show. In my current mood I'd probably post on their chat like "Hey, you know, I only experienced my mother choking me and slapping me and pulling my hair and screaming at me during her rages when I was a kid so I know that can't compare to consuming fiction that you can turn off or put down at any time, but what's really helped me is two decades of time passing, escitalopram, and really putting a lot of effort into learning how to be kind to myself and how to talk myself through the anxiety and really teaching myself how to see other people as themselves and to realize that making a mild mistake at work won't result in anyone trying to choke me to death. I realize that my experiences pale next to your having watched a TV show, but maybe I can pass on some of what I've learned and one day maybe you too can feel better and happy and free from the shackles of mildly scary fiction."

I am not a fan of gatekeeping. I do not like the concept of gatekeeping at all. I don't really believe in gates. But I don't know, I do kind of think that maybe there should be different words for "I freely chose to watch a TV show or read a book and it disturbed me a bit before I turned it off or stopped reading" and "I experienced a life-threatening situation that I could not escape from and it left deep scars in how I experience existence."

Anyway, gonna read some more Same Bed, Different Dreams by Ed Park now. The spousal person read it and he thought I would like it so he checked out a copy for me from the library. Just a bit over halfway through it now, and it's a monster at 516 pages. It's actually the first physical book I've read in a while, which makes me think of that literacy essay I reblogged the other day.

Honestly I do most of my physical book reading at my mother's now when we go visit, because our phones don't get a signal there. I always take a book with me. I need to start reading books more at home now that the internet has become a dumpster full of advertising trash.

And because I've dealt with this before on the internet - yes, I'm still in contact with my mother, yes, I still text her every day and we go visit every few months, yes, that's my decision and I am okay with it and I don't need strangers who don't know her or our situation to tell me to go no contact. I'm okay and I'm capable of knowing my own feelings and making my own decisions, and I'm the one who lived with her while growing up and I'm the one who knows her and her life and the causes and effects of her actions. Like I've said before, she's probably the main reason I've never understood how people can think in stark binary good/bad categories. Humans are human, not unchanging eternal statues assigned Good or Bad at the final chisel.

[polerikapolerika]

Of Love, Doom and Scones

So... I don't know how that happened, but I've accidentaly written an Aldrich Kemp fanfic. The first one out there. (At least I didn't find any others.) Well. Here it is. (And if you didn't listen to Aldrich Kemp podcasts, please do! They are wonderful!)

G, Gen, 1.4k words

"What's happening to Aldrich?" Sebastian hisses to Nakesha across the tea table, loud enough to startle everyone except, well, Aldrich, who just sighs wistfully and looks as if he's miles away.

"Can't you guess?" Nakesha inquires calmly. "Mrs. Boone, would you be a dear and bring another pot of tea?"

"Certainly, miss."

Of course, Sebastian could guess. Frankly, it is quite obvious: the old chap literally has heart-shaped eyes and smiles ridiculously at a distance, like the worst romantic cliche of the most sickening lovey-dovey movie on Earth.

But firstly, Sebastian has never seen him like that, not even that time in Tanzania, about three years ago, with a young Miss What-Was-Her-Name, who somehow managed to keep Aldrich's attention to herself for the whole two evenings. (And nights, unfortunately. Sebastian's bed was just a wall away, and they were abominably loud and enthusiastic. He feared that the ceiling might collapse on top of him at any moment, and it was impossible to fall asleep. He was forced to contemplate sleeping on a couch in the other room of his suite! Luckily for him, on the third night, she was gone and never mentioned again. Needless to say, from that time on, whenever they traveled together, he booked himself a room across the hallway from Aldrich's—just in case.)

Secondly, and most worryingly, it screams trouble more than anything Aldrich has managed to drag them into before, and that is an accomplishment in itself. It's a wonder that Nakesha doesn’t seem troubled at all. Certainly, if it comes to the worst, they can always plan an untimely demise for the poor girl. It's a shame, though. For all Sebastian knows, she’s an innocent bystander just like any of them, who had the misfortune to be caught in the way of a catastrophic force that is Aldrich. But then, maybe she'll listen to reason and run as far away as possible. Nah. It won't make a difference since it seems that Aldrich has firmly made up his mind. Death it is, then. She'll thank them later.

Or maybe…

"Wait, it's not Clara, is it?"

Clara, who is sitting right next to him, chokes on a scone.

"More tea, miss?" Mrs Boone tops her cup from a fresh pot without batting an eye.

"No! Er- Yes, thank you, Mrs Boone. No, Sebastian! It's not me! Gosh, I hope not… Aldrich?!"

"Calm down, Clara!" Aldrich laughs, finally deciding to grace them with the gift of his company, "of course it's not you. Although I do find you fascinating in your own way and love you almost like a sister—” Nakesha throws a napkin at him, but he simply shakes it off, “Oh, Nakesha, don’t be like that! But no, that woman, she's… " He sighs again, and Sebastian feels dread twirling in his stomach.

"Oh no," he groans, "this time we're all going to die, aren't we?"

Nakesha exchanges pointed looks with Aunt Lily. Yes, fine, he is being overdramatic, perhaps. But Aldrich is dangerously reckless at his best, and now, when he's suddenly head over heels for some mysterious woman…

"Aldrich, my dear, you are pulling Sebastian’s strings mercilessly." Aunt Lily puts her cup on a saucer with a meaningful clank. "And while I agree that most times it is quite entertaining, right now we have all had enough suspense. Who is that woman you are mooning over like a fool?"

"I have no idea!" Aldrich exclaims with manic glee as if it is the most exciting thing in the world. Oh God. It's worse than Sebastian could imagine. They are doomed.

“Well, we are waiting!” Aunt Lily raises her voice a bit and Sebastian notices that nobody drinks their tea anymore. Even Mrs Boone’s unobtrusive presence seems somehow more focused than before. That’s good. At least now they are taking this seriously.

Aldrich laughs again, a bit bashfully, and puts hands in the air in mocking surrender. “Fine, fine, I’ll tell you everything.”

Wait, is he blushing? Sebastian isn’t sure he believes his eyes.

“So, do you remember how last week I failed to obtain the emerald bracelet that was brought from Munich to the National Gallery for a special exhibition?”

At that Clara makes an undignified squeak. No doubt, she has something to say about the attempted theft of a priceless jewelry piece, but that is not the point at the moment. They weren’t even the ones who’ve stolen it, though not for the lack of trying! So, Sebastian is very grateful to Nakesha for a hearty elbow jab that prevented an untimely interruption.

Undisturbed, Aldrich continues: “As you know, my plan was flawless. Everything was going smoothly as a buttered biscuit. The guards were adequately subdued, the alarm system was off, Nakesha was waiting outside in a getaway Porsche. All that remained was to remove the glass and take the bracelet. And that’s exactly what she did! I saw her from the entrance of the hall, but it was already late to intercept. She made a run for it in the opposite direction. Naturally, I ran after her, although it would be easier to shoot her, I suppose. Still, I couldn't risk firing a gun at the museum. I’m not an animal.”

Clara snorts. Aldrich looks offended for a moment, but then sighs in defeat. “Well, long story short, when I got to the next hall, she was already gone. I’ve checked all obvious escape routes, but found nothing. Not a trace. All the CCTV cameras nearby were on a recorded loop thanks to us. And that’s the end of it. I was outplayed.”

He smiles, elated, as if Christmas came early. Sebastian groans internally.

“Well, then,” Aunt Lily says. “Surely you must have found out who this woman is? It’s been a week, as you said. No one can be that good—that we don’t know of.”

“Oh, Aunt Lily, believe me, I tried,” Aldrich chuckles dryly. “I’ve exhausted all the possible means aside from asking any of you for help. Sorry about that, by the way, but as you can see this is a personal matter. I’m sure you understand.”

There’s that ghastly awestruck expression on his face again.

“I’ve only caught a glimpse of her in the twilight. A brief memory. Oh, what a grace. What a beautiful laughter, like a chime in the wind. It’s like she was a ghost. Or some magical creature. I could almost come to think that I imagined her, but the lack of the bracelet in my possession seems to suggest otherwise.”

“So…” Nakesha drawls plaintively, “this girl has laughed at you and you’re not mad at her? You know what, Sebastian, this time you might be right. I believe we should find her, and fast. At the very least she has my birthday present.”

To Clara’s credit, she only rolls her eyes at that. Aldrich beams.

“As a matter of fact, you don’t need to worry about that. I have a plan!”

Aunt Lily sighs theatrically and asks for more tea and scones. Mrs Boone leaves for the kitchen. Clara shifts at her seat uneasily. Nakesha scoffs. Sebastian doesn’t bother with a reaction. It’s Aldrich, after all, of course he has a plan. What’s new? Good thing is he is forced to share it, so they have at least a chance to prevent the most devastating consequences.

Aldrich doesn’t pay them any mind, as usual.

“It’s quite simple, actually, as most good things are. As you might know, the Grand Duchess of Oldenburg is going to attend the Coronation and—” he points up a finger, “wear the twin bracelet to the one we haven’t managed to obtain. Obviously, I was planning to relieve the Grand Duchess of it anyway. They do look much better in a pair. So, all we have to do is wait for my lovely vis-a-vis from last week to reappear and this time be faster than her. Easy as rain.”

“Oh, and to think I was going to skip the Coronation this time,” Aunt Lily says scornfully, “but needs must. Nakesha, darling, could you ring the Palace and tell them we will need the booth they arranged for us after all?”

“Of course, Aunt Lily, right after we finish our tea.”

As if on cue, Mrs Boone appears with a steaming pot and freshly baked scones. Sebastian snatches one from the pile. It smells heavenly. Well then, no point to dwell on it for now.

“Clara,” he asks, “can you pass me the jam, please?”

[andromerot]

episode twenty two: eternal return. in which everyone posesses a secret self

I'LL TAKE YOU IN AND FILL YOU UP WITH LACK OF BEING FED.

i love gay sex

THE HUNGRY THING WANTED AND WANTED - AND HOW DOES IT END???

trespassing in HER garden....

the green thread tying her to the tree the red thread tying her to anna the green meadow the red meadow

mabel mabel strong and able you are trapped inside this fable round the table you must go you were naughty back around the other way other way other way...........

hm. i think. i think maybe it was another king.

white as death. white as purification. white as aurora silver. white as undue power. black as the king's heart. white as anna's heart. mabel as an infestation upon it.

YEAH

gotta love all earth fears the purity of fire

idk i think it was this monologue here that changed everything for me. when i went from "good podcast" to "lifechanging". ive felt so often that i am inadequate to be loved, that im rotten inside, and mabel did two things: put it in words that made it not just disgusting but also fascinating, and then contradicted it. mabel is rotten. its true. shes loved for it endlessly. there is someone out there that wants to be stinged by her. drowned hand in unlovable hand. mabel is being cruel to anna because she doesnt trust her, but we as the audience know the truth, and it sides a little with both of them. yes, anna has fictionalized mabel. but also yes, she does know what she really is. she has for a long time before coming to the house. ALSO"i am death silver and black come to ruin you"/"this is the girl come to ruin me like fire" from ep 20 is. woah. in the close "future" anna will be death and mabel will be fire but now she reverses their roles just a little bit. theres also just so many phrases on here that i repeat to me constantly. i am thorns and mist. i am a sharp and vitriolic thing you must be unyielding. the need for you twists me up. it would have been a good story. sigh. my girl who hates to be loved...

mabel martin bird moments once again...btw when she says "fitcher's swan" shes referencing a grimms folkltale called fitchers bird, which is a bluebeard type. i dont know exactly what this reference means, but i think its a nice story, so read it if you want..

mabel trying her best not to become luna....sigh. I WILL TEAR ALL OF IT DOWN I WILL TEAR ALL OF IT DOWN

sorry um this here. this changed my life

the fake psychiatric hospital bit is one of the scariest moments of the podcast tbh like yeah its only like one minute of it but. awful awful time. its so much. are you lighter is your mouth smaller...idk it just reveals so much about what mabel really fears and the reason she cant trust annas intentions. and of course if you know her backstory AND annas backstory it becomes so much more hurtful. theyve both been here, really.

oh THIS ONE HERE also changed the world. i have always loved you there is no world bereft of my love for you. THEY PUT GOD IN MY MOUTH AND I SPAT HIM OUT NOTHING GETS INSIDE ME WITHOUT MY CONTEMPT WHEN THEY TRIED AGAIN GOD WAS A WOMAN AND I WAS MORE RECEPTIVE IT WAS A TRUTH IN DISGUISE. mabel loving anna, a betrayal of her own integrity. i have made a religion out of you. YOU ARE TO KEEP ME ANNA YOU HAVE BITTEN INTO MY HEART AND LAID YOUR KINGDOM THERE AND ALL OWNERSHIP REQUIRES RULING

happy mabelvera choking scene martes

I AM NOT THE FROG, YOU STUPID BALL OF TWIG AND MOSS

I AM ALWAYS THE SCORPION

I AM NOT THE HELPLESS GIRL IN A TRAP

I AM A MANY WEBBED SPIDER

I AM THE LABYRINTH, ANNA

AND I AM ALSO THE MINOTAUR

literally fucking dies

also they were so real for this

[tmisaccidentreportbook]

MAG007, The Piper

Case #9220611, Clarence Berry Release date: April 7, 2016 First listen: 14th October. Out on the morning feed, I remember Clarence Berry talking about ‘meeting the war’ as I passed along side our predator proof fence, some 9 feet high and concrete.

OK, when I say I go off the deep end in this one...

Our first dive into what could be called historical statements, and plucking a name I know quiet well from both History and English literature classes.

- I don’t need to present too many numbers to you to tell you that Staff Sargent Clarence Berry was, indeed, lucky. Or incredibly unlucky, depending on how you slice it. 4 years at the Eastern front, when the average life expectancy was allegedly 6 weeks. The average day saw 6000 dead. It goes on. He was lucky to miss out on the Somme, where the allies bough 6 miles of ground with 60,000 causalities, 20,000 of them deaths. I don’t think they could hold onto it.

- I’ll try and stop. This isn’t a history lesson. It’s just an example of how numbers can be used to fuzz the edges of the horror of it all. Numbers don’t mean the same as names.

- At the name drop of The Piper, I’ll confess a chill went through me. I had years in the army cadets, but in UOTC at a Scottish Uni, I was introduced to the pipes and drums. A lot of people will decry the bagpipes as ‘not a musical instrument’, and I think I’d agree with them but not for the reasons they’d expect. A lot of instruments have served with the regiments; brass bands, drums, any number of pipes. Things that carry over the march of feet or the tumult of battle. And most have been ‘rehabilitated’ into the orchestra pit or the band stand. But not the bagpipes. The instrument that drones and cries against all logic of how the beast breathes. I think it strikes the same ancient fear response that the Carnyx did. They carry. And with the music, they carry battle.

- I know it’s the wrong war, some 30 years too early, but at the name ‘The Piper’, I thought of 21 year old Private Bill Millin on D-Day. 

- Clarence Berry speaks of growing up poor and joining the army as soon as he was old enough. And you’d think 100 years on or so, we wouldn’t be seen it, but we do. Recruiters hanging around universities, promising to take care of folks and that student debt if they only signed up and served. It chokes me a little, to think how many have aligned with The Slaughter to escape The Buried. I know, I’m over simplifying, and there are many that can speak much finer on it than I, folks who have been through the system. I just need to simplify it for myself, because the enormity of it is terrifying.

- ‘Boredom… it has a quiet terror all its own.’ The anticipation, the dread, it must have been exhausting.

- I think the introduction and description of Wilfrid Owens’ initial impression on Clarence Berry and his men could be applied to so many officers. Officers were of a social rank, at least initially before heavy losses, many mistaking good breeding as a hallmark for ‘ability to lead men’, ‘think tactically’ and ‘being able to keep one’s shit together.’ In reality, a lot of them were recent graduates, armed with a hand gun, orders that even they despaired of and Sam Browne belt telling an enemy sniper were to aim.

- ‘It came as no surprise to me when he mentioned he wrote poetry.’ I feel this carries the same sort of weight as a certain breed of white straight man, in today’s setting, mentioning he has a podcast.

- ‘Every time he tried to put the war into words it just sounded trite.’ I can not recall how many hours I spent on WWI poetry during English Literature classes and I hated every second of it. I’m not sure why, I couldn’t say it was bad per say. Nothing sticks with me. At least nothing that hasn’t be turned into song. I think it was the melancholy of it all, when what burned through me while studying the text and context, was fury. That it had come to this. And the knowledge it would happen again, within a generation. I was furious when all the poets seemed to focus on the tragedy of it all in great, detached sort of ways, not the white hot grief that I had no idea what to do with. But it’s strange, now I think about, that the words stay with me in songs, like adding melody helps then carry.

- ‘He longed to be remembered, to take what this war truly was and immortalise it.’ Monkey’s paw my dude.

- I looked up Savy Wood in the Aisne region of northern France. There’s a British cemetery with 430 identified causalities buried there.

- ‘All you could do against artillery was pray.’ I think WWI saw artillery used in a way that had never been seen before. Yes, large projectiles had been used in warfare for millennia and even cannon fire wasn’t any thing new. But the bombardments would go on. And on. And on. Like a siege that could have you buried alive or blown apart at a moment’s notice.

- ‘(He) turned his head to listen’. I think this is the second mention of Wilfred tilting or turning his head to listen. It put me in mind of the time one of my teacher’s mentioned at a parents’ evening, how I’d cock my head when something interested me. He fondly said it was like having a spaniel in the class room. If this head tilt is interest, is picking up the sound, it does make me think of a dog. And that leads me to Shakespeare’s ‘Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war,’ said by Mark Antony, envisioning the ghost of Caesar, rallying his own avenging. Another ghostly figure, commanding the battlefield.

- Barbed wire and mud. Disease was as much if not more of a threat to the average soldier then enemy fire. Antibiotics were not yet a thing. TB, pneumonia, dysentery, septicaemia, gangrene, tetanus. The list goes on.

- ‘Whistling tune was unmistakable’. Whistling. Whistles were used to signal an advance out of the trenches. Whistling could be the only warning you got of an incoming mortar.

- ‘And in that moment I knew what was about to happen. I looked at Wilfred, and as our eyes met I saw that he knew as well.’ I think this line a strange insight into how The Slaughter works. There’s a terrible uncertainty in war, right up until there is an even more terrible certainty. The not knowing up until the realising. I don’t think ‘realising’ is the same as ‘knowing’. ‘Knowing’ suggests some autonomy, some will. ‘Realising’, well, more often than not it’s out of your control. This may been why The Slaughter was able to halt The Stranger's earlier attempt at a ritual. The Unknowing brought down by the more terrible certainty. And every time I hear Berry mention ‘the strange music’, I can’t help but feel The Slaughter and The Stranger were more similar in their methods than previously thought.

- ‘Most definitely alive’. Is it me, or does this feel a little over sure? Like definitely alive and in no way being sustainable by unknowable powers?

- ‘the sweet scent of decaying flesh and the moans of pain and despair.’ We’re still a ways away from ‘Tales of a Field Hospital’, but there are constants.

- ‘ I met The War’. I might have capitalised it different from how it may be in the transcripts, but the way Wilfred says it, to me, it feels like he met The War. Not This War, but that which rides a red horse at the end of days and has been riding since The Beginning. The War.

- Three Faces. The imagery of three faces can be seen through history; Hecate, the furies, the 3 witches. But the one that caught my eye was the Japanese proverb of everyone having three faces; 1 for strangers, 1 for loved ones, and 1 for no one but yourself. And between the pipe playing, the screaming, the brandishing of weapons, the begging for mercy, the saluting, and the vomiting of blood and earth, I don’t know if I could confidently say just which was which.

- Being handed a pen to play its’ tune in return fr his life… yup definitely being sustained by an unknowable power… also I think we just witness a warlock pact?

- Dog tags of Joseph Rayner… Rayner?! WHAT!? Jonny? Jonny, is this just your name hygiene flaring up again or is this a Thing?

- ‘Flamethrower that marked me so distinctively’… So, Sir, would you consider yourself touched by both The Slaughter and The Desolation? Any others we should know about?

- The men who hear the Piper not making it back. I love this observation made by Berry, about Hamlin, the Germany town and the children lost to an older generation’s greed and arrogance.’Still, those are musings for poets, among whom I do not number.’ I wouldn’t sell yourself short Sargent.

- ‘This charged our commanders to spur us on to more and more aggressive actions, trying to push Germany into a surrender.’ The deaths that happened at the close of the WWI, possibly enrage me the most. Because it was ending. It was a war of attrition and Germany was bleeding out faster. There was no need to push, no need to attack the lines when it was an open secret that the surrender would be coming through in a few hours. But there were numerous instances in the last days of the war where assaults were made on positions for ‘glory’ and ‘honour’ and what ever horse shit was being peddled by the top brass at that stage.

- ‘I saw him cast a shadow that was not his own.’ The Slaughter makes a Stranger of another man.

- There’s something terribly sad about this portrayal of Owens. Aware of his own mortality and the debt that must be paid with the end of the war in sight. Knowledge that his continued survival means the damnation of other.

- ‘The bullet hole simply opened, like an eye.’ No longer ‘realising’, but ‘knowing’?

- The whiplash of going from that to the Archivist bitching about Gertrude’s filing.

- The Slaughter is an odd beast to me. We learn, eventually, that The Entities have been around for as long as they could be conceived of. And there’s always been war, even before humans were humans. We’re not alone in committing violence on our own kind as a species. But I imagine that it is The Entity that has undergone the most transformation over the millennia, that has felt its’ reach swell in waves like possibly no other, except perhaps The Corruption in the wake of pandemics.

- War, in all its’ forms, has changed so much. How it is waged, where it is fought, who is caught up, how it is perceived, what is justified as an acceptable sacrifice in its’ name. How it will ingratiate itself by stealing the faces of paragons; Justice, Liberty. And have a few closer to it sneak in at the edges; Retribution. I think The Slaughter is one of the most fascinating of The Entities, not only in the way it can hold the entire world in a barbed wire grip but also how the fear can drain and numb to the point that it chokes out hope. The Slaughter is terrifying because if it pushes long and hard enough, you may just lie down and accept it.

[jollyreginaldrancher]

Yellowjackets S2 E9

Holly shit the song is different.

The procession gave me goosebumps

The recap kind of implied that Misty's going down for murder which I'm not exactly happy with but would prison be any worse than whatever everybody else is headed for?

I can't believe Shauna is the one going along with this

Ok, nevermind. She's just bullshitting.

They gotta leg it. Please tell me Van is not gonna go along with Lottie's thing.

"we all moved on" even you didn't believe that Taissa

Lottie is doing remotely better.

"we're gonna eat Javi, but it's cool, we didn't kill him" 🤣 Misty, never change.

Misty's got several points. Lottie did start it. Or at least she let it go on and maybe relished in it a little. I'm guessing now she realises how heavy the crown is she'll want it gone. And there's hints of Nat wanting it. It's ceremonial though cause Van and Misty hold the real power. The crown may lead but they're the ones that choose to follow.

You don't need to bump into Shauna, Travis, it's not like she wants to do this

The way they have to dust their equipment because it's been so long since they had something to eat.

Everybody sort of awkwardly hanging around. Van moving Javi's head so Shauna doesn't have to look him in the face. Then cutting blind? Oof.

Poor little Javi. We barely saw him but he was just a little guy from what we did see.

Misty sneaking around on her own. These guys would have made the perfect dungeons and dragons party. They could have had an awesome podcast/YouTube channel.

Oh crap, tell me Van's not buying into Lottie's thing. It's sweet that she wants to help Lottie but I think she's beyond helping, and she has been for a long time. The problem is that Van and Lottie are looking for some sort of purpose and they're looking to the old ways for fulfilment because they just can't cope with everything having been for nothing, whereas Tai has tried to make her own meaning by ignoring the past and it's all just jumbled and nobody is 100% right but hunting one another is definitely wrong.

That's twice we've seen Nat with a Queen card in as many episodes so the symbols are definitely symbolising something here.

Where the fuck are Callie and Jeff going? Are they gonna pick Shauna up?

Callie is so impressed by her mom 🤣

Jeff left the gun in the car, didn't he?

Nat trying to save this girl feels like Shauna trying to save Javi or Javi trying to save Nat and I'm positive one if then is dying tonight.

Well I guess that's another piece of the puzzle squared into place. Nat and Travis's self loathing and guilt stem from Javi's death.

Van could sell ice to an Eskimo. You'd be a fool to think her financial troubles ever stemmed from lack of sales skills. Jeff could learn a lesson or ten from her.

Honestly though I'm proud of her for not feeling shame. That's literally life or death, you can't afford to add self loathing onto that. And Nat is the perfect example of that. She spent the rest of her life letting the guilt eat away at her. They all did in some way but Nat gave her ghosts so much power they choked the life out of her.

Anyway this Walter guy always seemed like he's too good a match for Misty and that's why I don't trust him. It almost seems like he's imitating her and he feels very performative and not at all genuine. He comes across as someone who steals personalities and seems maybe a bit psychopathic on his own. He's giving Hannibal, just a tad...or some trained assassin. Either way it spells trouble and I think he's using Misty.

He really wants to be the Watson to Kevin's Sherlock.

If they're gonna warn Shauna and actually be helpful maybe I'm a little glad Callie and Jeff are here. But knowing them, they'll probably screw things up worse.

Oh he poisoned Kevyn.

What the fuck does this guy want is the question then. Cause on the one hand he's obsessed with Misty and on the other he keeps making shit worse for her. Is he into her or trying to capture her? Either way he's shady af.

Props to Jeff for trying to save Shauna though. Like he may be terrible and terrible with her, but he really does fucking love her.

It'd be funny if Jeff was short for Jefferson and not Jeffrey.

Ben went from doing literally nothing to thinking he could start a fire on his own.

I started watching this episode some days ago and for a moment I forgot whose body they're chopping up.

They're just raw-dogging that shit? 👁️👄👁️

Nevermind, he started cooking it.

For a moment though...

I don't know why eating raw meat freaked me out more than the cannibalism.

Lottie's pity party is lowkey pissing me off.

Nobody gives Misty enough credit.

Like we, collectively owe her so much.

Lottie Nat stans are sleeping on Lottie Misty

Misty helped Lottie piss blood. Can you say the same for Nat?

Didn't think so.

If it wasn't for the captions I would have thought that song claimed that god is a foot.

Taissa nodding on the phone 🤣

But then again someone WAS watching her (Van, like a hawk)

That song is very Lottie btw. It feels very Lottie.

And I guess Van won over. Though there's really no doubt she would, Taissa is still completely whipped by her. Van really is the little instigator setting things aflame.

Did I rewatch this tiny segment like three times because of the way Van is looking up at Taissa? Yes. Her little half smile there 🫠

How are these 40 year old women so baby?

Nat and Misty wearing purple but Van not is so wild. Symbolic, probably too. But funny Van is not wearing it when she's by far sucked in the deepest, while Nat -always sceptical- and Misty -way too much of an opportunist to ever really commit to one thing- were the ones wearing the indoctrination colours there.

I guess it says more about Van hiding her true colours than anything else. She hid her sexuality even in the woods for example, until Taissa was comfortable with coming out. So maybe it's like she doesn't feel confident enough to show that vulnerability by wearing those colours. She HAS been avoiding talking about her illness too. It could be her avoidant personality too. Not just hiding but avoiding it all together.

Oop, there's a knife. And there's emphasis on the knife so somebody is probably gonna get stabbed.

Lottie looks more like an addict than Nat does right now.

But she's been looking more and more unhinged since the gals came.

Callie took the gun?!

I hope somebody shoots this asshole cop tbqh.

Team dad ftw.

Is that the same deck they used back then or just a different tarnished deck that is possibly missing three queens?

Also if nobody gets the queen do they just keep going until somebody gets it or is the hunt called off?

Shauna take the queen out of the deck, I beg you. Please tell me she trained as a wizard at some point and can do card tricks and shit.

Taissa really thought she could delay or stop this. Has she not been paying attention? At all? Van is essentially the big bad right now, not Lottie. I still love her and she's still my daughter but let's be real, she's the one pulling the strings.

Maybe Van wants to die. Like maybe this is her way of claiming back her power. Like she doesn't want a disease to stop her, she wants to be in control of when she dies. Maybe that's why she's so reckless and why she's doing all this. Maybe she wants to get that card. Istfg she better not though.

Her card didn't burn either. The symbolism is symbolic today, fellas.

What DOES happen if you refuse the draw? Do you die or get abandoned like Ben? Or are you the default prey?

Tai looked like her dark self for a moment. Is this a sign she'd merged the two?

Also I didn't miss Van almost passing out with relief when Tai drew a card that was not the queen.

Closer to the fire but her card didn't catch fire either.

Also there's gay sex and then there's Tai and Van's eye contact in this scene and of the two, the latter is more titillating.

Weird that they didn't show where Misty's card landed.

Why do I have a feeling Nat is gonna get the queen?

Oh, phew, nevermind.

They keep going?

From the looks on their faces, it's not the usual way they do things.

Shauna got the queen

Fuck fuck fuck

With all the parallels to the first hunt, is someone gonna die in her stead too?

Oh they all did arts and crafts too.

At least Shauna is showing some self awareness.

Oh, Lottie figured it out too, she just didn't care.

At least we know where we stand now. They're all fucked up and they're all self aware and they all should be hospitalised somewhere. Like at first I thought they were just in denial but nah, they know. I guess that's why Taissas's fractured self merged with her again. Because she stopped fighting it.

Great, the cops are coming now.

Thanks a lot, asshole.

I wonder if the guy with the rapey moustache will go along with it. He seems to lack moral fibre enough to be willing but you never know. He might be dumb enough to try something.

Callie really came through?!

One minute they're going along all wild eyed and intimidating and the next they're acting same and I'm just lost at this point.

Also I think Gen is pit-girl. I rewatched the scene again and it seems more like her than Mari.

Van was their television 🥺 oh this is all clicking together.

She was a really good storyteller too. She should have been a writer. Maybe she would have been one too...

Lottie shut up, I wanna hear Van's story.

Also tell me that dickhead coach isn't gonna do something stupid.

"it chose me" girl there's no 'it', Van chose you. And it was only because she attributed being alive to some unknown force rather than just insanely weird luck.

"I can't hear it anymore" Shauna punched the wilderness out of her. She punched her so hard she lost her sixth sense.

I wonder if for a moment, Misty thought Lottie meant it was her that the wilderness chose, since she was the one that saved Nat and condemned Javi.

Is it possible then that Shauna was chosen as their leader in the future and not their prey?

Shauna's looking around like she still thinks this is stupid but maybe Nat leading them won't be as bad so maybe that's what brings them together; mutual dislike of Lottie's rule.

Yeah I'm not so sure they bought into it, Lot. Van definitely seemed to. Hell, she convinced Tai not to have her committed so she must still believe on some level. The others not so much. Especially not Nat, who's been so desperate to distance herself she turned to drug and alcohol abuse.

Lottie's daughter brought a bigger gun than Shauna's did 👁️👄👁️

"How else do we explain what happened out there?" You guys are just allergic to accountability, huh?

"We tried to kill you and it wouldn't let us"

Bitches will invent deities to avoid giving Misty any credit.

Javi too I suppose but it was really Misty's call in the end there.

Ben is looking a lil homophobic there.

Bro is just pissed he's not invited to the orgy.

Van will either be the first or last to bow down to Nat.

Akilah's cute little bounce. Mari's regal bow. The other blonde (I wanna say Melissa but I don't rightly know for sure) taking her hat off. Where have I seen that before?

Oh god, my little MistyNat heart is about to explode 🥹 that was the cutest thing I've ever fucking seen! Misty is Nat's little knight in shining armour, I can't deal with this. Somebody MUST have ficced this!

She actually made Nat laugh! In all this...

Van curling up like a cat against her hand.

Taissaaaaaa!!!!!

And Travis was there as well I guess.

Bro just made her sadder though, fuck him.

Shauna acknowledging Nat as her leader too though was what really tipped her over the edge. Like fuck this is for real now. I can't imagine the pressure she must be feeling.

This was honestly pretty sweet.

I couldn't imagine having a moment this bittersweet in the the midst of all this.

MISTY WAS READY THE WHOLE TIME, I CAN'T 🤣

She did NOt hesitate with that needle to save Nat!

Nat was not gonna let anybody else die in her place 😮

No no no no no

Tell me that was just a tranquilizer

This is a joke, right?

She may have got her with the needle but she didn't push it in, right?

The fact that in her death dream she's in an airplane?! Alone?! Is torture

Javi was there

And so was Nat! And Lottie providing her support. I guess it really helped her in the end.

Fuck that got to me

They really have brilliant death scenes.

I had to stop for a while because I was in physical pain from the crying

Every thing was a blur. Lottie is getting help though, maybe. Walter might not be complete trash. Shauna really doesn't have a single maternal bone in her body. Like instead of comforting her child she's being comforted by Jeff.

Taissa was walking in front of Van. I sense conflict there. Maybe deep down she blames her for what she's done when she's around her. It was almost like he was walking away from her or trying to put some distance between them. She did say they would visit Lottie and perhaps she meant the group but perhaps she meant the two of them.

I don't expect their relationship to have been fixed. I certainly didn't think they'd magically get over past resentment offscreen but they only have a very limited amount of time and I am terrified of what's going to happen next season between them.

Misty breaking down that she killed her best friend though absolutely destroyed me. I'm just absolutely broken right now. I can't imagine how it could possibly get worse, though I'm afraid it will. There's way too much time left in the episode for shit to not hit the fan at least one more time.

Meanwhile past Shauna is just casually blogging about their most recent murder on her diaries. Well, she's writing about Jackie really. How Jeff read these and didn't realise she was in love with her is beyond me. Or maybe he did and he considered staying with her his repentance for his role in all of this.

It seems like she's maybe hitting some breakthrough when she notices something's amiss. And there's fire and stuff and I'm guessing Ben put those matches to use on the cabin.

I'm glad I never rooted for his ass.

That's homophobic.

Can't let the lesbian cannibals have anything!

Misty should have let him jump tbh

I wanna know how the diaries survived. Are you telling me in an emergency, the first thing Shauna grabbed was her diaries? Because that's valid actually. When my house caught fire I just grabbed a pair of socks...

Did that asshole lock them in or is the door hinge/knob melted?

Van really said "move" like she's immune to fire, and just tried to kick the goddamn door down?

At least Tai has some working brain cells right now. Honestly trust Tai to save your life with the closest blunt instrument she can find.

Thank god they saved the piss bucket. I was really worried about that. But fr I appreciate them showing they saved this and this and that.

Van is no longer flirting with death at this point, she's pushed her up against the wall and started tongue-fucking her because what do you mean she was the last out the door, as the house was caving in? She really fucking thinks she's immortal stg.

Who was the one who let their blanket catch fire though? That was kind of funny. Like the whole thing is on fire and you thought it was a good idea to lean up against a post? Like the wooden outside of the house that was on fire couldn't possibly be alight.

Anyway, fuck, the next season is gonna be hard.

They just lost the one shelter they had. In the middle? Of winter? And if the meat shack is attached to it then all their food is also gone as well and they're gonna be hunting sooner rather than later.

Fuck Ben, I hope he's next up on the chopping block.

Anyway I know the other girls are irrelevant but this shit kind of implied that only nine of them made it out alive. I'm sure the rest are just not in the shot, right? A good chunk of them did not just perish, right?

Fuck they look distraught. I mean who can blame them but Van's actress is eating that up.

I had some questions but I forgot them.

The music is fire. Pun not intended.

Fuck.

What a hell of an ending.

[teenmomcentral]

Trigger Warning: This story mentions episodes of domestic violence. 

Kail Lowry‘s recent interview with Bunnie Xo for Bunnie’s Dumb Blonde podcast has been a big topic of discussion in the Teen Mom World since the interview was posted earlier this week. As The Ashley previously told you, Kail went into depth about the night she claims her baby daddy Chris Lopez tried to kill her; however, the podcast episode was also filled with plenty of interesting tidbits about other topics. 

The former Teen Mom 2 star discussed her habit of cheating on the people she dates, and detailed her tumultuous relationship with Chris, even stating that if it wasn’t for one thing she would probably still be trying to get back with him today.

Here’s a breakdown of some of the big topics Kail discussed on the Dumb Blonde Podcast.

On cheating on her partners & having a “revolving door of men” in her life:

“I get a lot of s**t because I do cheat, or I have cheated,” Kail said.

Kail pointed to her childhood trauma as a possible reason for her cheating, but stated that she also refuses to be unhappy in a relationship.

“I also leave if I’m not satisfied or happy and I think that people don’t like that. People don’t like that I leave,” she said. “I’m not gonna stay somewhere I’m not happy. So it does kind of look like [I have] a revolving door of men, but also I know when and when not to introduce them to my kids. 

“There’s people who date all the time and they don’t get s**t for it.”

Kail later addressed speculation that she cheated on her ex-husband Javi Marroquin during their marriage. She stated that she actually filed for divorce from Javi before he was deployed in late 2015 due to their increased fighting.

“Nobody was cheating at the time,” she said, later adding that Javi tried to paint it like her cheating caused their breakup.

“I think that was the big scandal. He tried to play this whole victim thing where I cheated, but [he] had something going on over there,” Kail said. “It came out in a lie-detector test on Marriage Boot Camp. It was like, ‘Why would you sit here, after everything that I’ve been through, and put it on me when this time I really didn’t do s**t, and we were doing the same thing, and I had filed [for divorce] so it cancelled each other out?”

Kail stated that she got pregnant by Chris with her third son, Lux, before her divorce from Javi was finalized. 

“Javi had to sign a paper saying he was not the father [of Lux], because we hadn’t been divorced for 365 days when I got pregnant,” she said. “In Delaware [it’s a law] that he had to sign off because we were still legally married, even though we had filed for divorce and it was under the separation.”

On why she almost got an abortion with her fourth son, Creed:

Kail also discussed her time with Chris, which she called “by far, my most tumultuous, toxic relationship.”

“When I met Chris, it started off very toxic. I would say about six months in, I had already had a miscarriage with him. At that point, I had found out that he had two other girlfriends, full-time girlfriends. These were not side chicks. All three of us were main f**king girlfriends…I found out when I was pregnant with my son Lux. None of us knew about each other.”

Kail claimed that Chris was living with her full-time during this period. 

Kail said that Chris was abusive to her several times, choking her several times (in addition to the night she claims he tried to smother her to death.) Kail claimed she got pregnant with her fourth son Creed “during a really abusive period” of her and Chris’ relationship. 

Kail stated that she found out she was pregnant with Creed in November 2019, shortly after the alleged smothering incident.

“I was so distraught and upset,” she said. “I had never been in a situation where I already had a child with a man, and I wasn’t in a place to have another child. I was going through so much within myself. So I made an appointment to get an abortion. Love me or hate me, but that was something that I had to do for myself.

“When I got there, I said, ‘I need to look at the screen. I need to see if I’m going to connect with this baby, because I was at the borderline of [the timeframe] where you could no longer get [an abortion]. Because I needed all this time to think, and then at that point I was already feeling guilty because I had waited so long, because I couldn’t make the decision. I felt like it isn’t fair to bring this baby into this situation.

“…I looked at the screen and I was like, ‘I’m not going to go through with this abortion, and I’m going to do the best I can to raise this baby. And it’s going to be OK.'”

Creed was born in July 2020. 

On finding out Chris was having a baby with his other girlfriend:

As fans know, Chris welcomed his third child a year or so after Kail gave birth to their son Creed. (Kail took the liberty of publicly announcing the news of the other girl’s pregnancy before Chris did, naturally.)

“That was really hard for me to learn that he was having a baby with her,” Kail said. “I had a mental breakdown that day…I called my therapist on an emergency basis and she talked me through it. I basically blacked out. I don’t even remember what the conversation was. I accepted that he was having this child and from that point forward, I never looked back.”

Kail said she hasn’t had a good relationship with Chris since. 

“I’ve never hooked up with him, we don’t talk, we don’t hang out, we’re not friendly. There’s been one or two friendly times where we’ve tried to be cordial but it ultimately just goes to s**t every time. It’s hard,” she said.

On the only reason she doesn’t try to get with Chris anymore: 

Kail— who, earlier in the podcast, stated that she loved Chris more than she’s ever loved anyone she’s dated— admitted that she would probably still be trying to get with Chris if it wasn’t for one thing.

‘Here’s the thing: I don’t date men with kids. And if it wasn’t for that, I don’t think I would be done with him today,” she said. 

Kail told Bunnie that she has a good reason for refusing to date a man who has kids.

“I come with so much baggage, I don’t need yours as well. So I like them without kids,” she said.

On the real reasons she left ‘Teen Mom 2’:

Kail quit ‘Teen Mom 2’ in 2022 and, during her podcast interview, she revealed the two main reasons she left her job of more than 12 years.

“It was a really hard decision for me but I had been really struggling with the fact that I went through such a public divorce. And then the stuff with Chris was so messy. My kids are getting older, Isaac really didn’t want to film anymore. So I was just kind of feeling like, ‘Maybe this is time for me to move on,'” she said. 

“My kids didn’t want to film. I just wanted the privacy and to kind of just move on,” she added.

Aside from her kids not wanting to film for the show, Kail said she felt betrayed by those making the show when it came to how they refused to discipline Kail’s nemesis Briana DeJesus for acts she committed against Kail. 

“I paid my dues in the industry. I don’t feel like she has. We’re talking about [me sharing] divorce, cheating scandals, STDs, and you can’t even say, ‘This is unacceptable’ and do something about it. There was no regard or human decency. So that was turning points [for me to leave the show].

“…The other thing, too, is that I felt like I exploited my entire life for 13 years,[and they didn’t have my back],” Kail said, adding that she was disappointed that MTV didn’t fine Briana for some of her actions, such as threatening to spit on Kail or having her sister Brittany assault her on-stage at the infamous Season 8B Reunion in 2018.

“I just felt like it was very unfair and not like a balanced situation,” she said. “[The show] kind of turned into Bad Girls Club and I was just like, ‘This is not me anymore.’

Kail said she was also tired of her segments only focusing on her drama with her baby daddies.

“It would have been cool if they had kind of showed the whole picture,” she said. “But they were so focused on showing the traumas with myself and my kids’ dads. But that’s not my whole story. There’s a lot that goes into being a single mom. They didn’t really want to cover any of the good stuff, and I think you do have to cover the good with the bad.

“I understand that drama sells and you want to exploit the craziest stuff on TV because that’s what’s going to make money. But if people don’t know the whole story, who gives a f**k about that? So I just got to a point where it just was too much. My cast and I, none of us were getting along.”

On whether or not she would return to a ‘Teen Mom’ show: 

Kail has made it clear that she is interested in coming back to reality TV, but says it won’t be on a ‘Teen Mom’ show. 

“They’ve asked me a couple times to come back, but I’m so far removed from that now that I can’t see myself going back to the show, specifically,” Kail said, although she stated that she would “absolutely” be down to star on her own reality show. 

On plastic surgery: 

Kail also talked about the plastic surgery she’s gotten over the years, including a tummy tuck, Lipo 360 and the Brazilian Butt Lift (BBL) she got live on Snapchat by Dr. Miami in 2016.

“I love plastic surgery,” Kail said. “The only regret I have is not waiting until I was done having kids. I had the Mommy Makeover after my second son and I could definitely go for another.”

One thing Kail regrets, though, is getting her BBL, which she says has not aged well.

“I don’t love [my BBL]. I want it removed immediately,” she said. “Gravity is kind of pulling it down a little bit.”

“Dr. Miami did mine and I asked him about it. He said when you gain weight, you’re going to gain wherever your fat cells are. He moved [fat cells] to my butt. My butt has grown exponentially.

“When I did the BBL and I did the Lipo 360 I wanted everything to match because I felt like, ‘I can’t have a huge butt and then have my waist be small and my arms big.’ So I had it in my arms. My butt and my arms have grown insane. But now what? I don’t know what I can do about it. Gravity pulls down your butt a little bit and it just looks crazy and I can’t find jeans that fit me. 

“I maintained it for a long time, but I got pregnant the same year that I got my Mommy Makeover. So that was my biggest mistake. I should have had all the kids I wanted to have and then got it.”

Kail stated that she hopes to get yet another Mommy Makeover in the next year or so. 

On having even more kids: 

Kail has four kids currently, (and it’s been intensely speculated that she gave birth to a fifth child by her current boyfriend Elijah Scott around November 2022, but she’s never confirmed it). However, she said she’s willing to grow her litter even more.

“I am in a relationship now and yes [I’m open to having more kids]…[Elijah] deserves kids of his own,” she said.

[elvisabutler]

Hey, bestie! I'd like to request the fluff prompt "don't worry, I'm staying right here." with Austin.

hey bestie! thanks for the request first off. second off! so this one took me a minute, i toyed with the version of austin i wanted to use with this before going pretty simple. tw: death mention and something at least similar to a panic attack.

fluff, "don't worry, i'm staying right here." - austin butler ( also known as: my heart beats for you )

austin will admit this willingly, has admitted it willing on a podcast that sometimes his anxiety gets the better of him. it's gotten the better of him when he's needed to do things. he almost backed out of recording the podcast but told himself that he just had to get to the cafe and it would be better. it would make his mind calm down and stop swirling with thoughts he can't even articulate.

you're no stranger to his panic, to his anxiety and you're used to your own occasionally flaring up- thankfully never at the same time as his. something about taking care of someone makes you focus your attention away from it and- well austin might be a grown man but you're a grown human being yourself and yet sometimes you want someone to take care of you, to calm you down before you choke on the air coming into and leaving your lungs. or before you stumble over a word or five because you can't make your mouth work because everything just feels heavy and disjointed.

your job had let you relocate to budapest as long as you promised to stay on a united states schedule for meetings and your work deadlines. it was an easy decision because it allowed you to stay with austin and actually be in the same apartment again for longer than a month. you both needed the comfort of having another human being or more accurately you both needed the comfort of having someone they truly cared about nearby and not a plane ride or a phone call away.

the problem with the schedule is that sometimes you were up at strange hours like tonight where you're up at two in the morning working on something that's for some client or other- you really just weren't paying attention beyond get this done by midnight eastern standard time tonight. you hate walking austin up and it's why you're in your shared office typing away on your laptop when you hear the shout.

specifically you hear austin shout for something that sounds like your name but maybe his mother's name. honestly the exact thing is muffled enough that you can't tell, not that it matters as you end up just running to your bedroom. what greets you is what you expect, it's austin hunched over the side of the bed shaking in ways you haven't seen in a while and muttering something indecipherable to himself. you know how he can get when he's like this so you pause in the doorway before sitting down on the opposite side of the bed from him.

"aus, sweetheart?" you start, your hand moving to his back. "are you okay?"

there's a period of silence that follows your question puncutated only by his shallow breaths and the sound of his feet rubbing against the carpet as he jiggles his leg nervously. after a few minutes he finally answers.

"no." it's choked out, practically spit out if you were being honest. "i- nightmare. like-" he has to pause and take another deep breath and as he does he reaches for the hand you have on his upper back. you gladly let him take it. "when i did the audition for baz."

"oh." you utter and silently hit yourself afterward because that was not the first thing you should have said and you know it. "your mom again?"

the silence that follows is longer than the first and it starts to scare you enough that you're about ready to get up and pull austin close to you before you hear a sniffle. "yeah. but- you too. it was her dying and then you followed." his next breath sounds like it's being overtaken by a sob and your heart breaks. "i couldn't- i thought i could at least help you."

you don't even miss a beat before you're climbing into bed and wrapping your arms around austin. "i'm right here, sweetheart. you're- i'm fine. i'm alive and i've got my arms wrapped around you."

that centers austin more than he is entirely capable of processing in the moment and you feel some of the tension in his body leave him before he makes it so he can nuzzle at your neck. "can you just- stay here for right now? just until i fall back asleep? i know you've got the deadline."

you smile slightly. "don't worry, i planned on staying right here. no leaving even to grab the laptop." you pause. "let me get comfortable on the bed and you can just lay against me or curl up. sound like a plan?"

he nods. "hearing your heartbeat will probably help so yeah."

the only answer you give back is a hum as you shoot off a text to your boss at the possible delay before climbing under the covers and making a space for austin that he gladly takes with a sigh. your hand moves to his hair, running your fingers through it as he just lays his head against your chest. you both are quiet, him just listening to your heartbeat and you paying attention to the rhythmic falling and rising of his chest.

he speaks first. "thank you."

you raise an eyebrow and stop petting his hair for a moment. "for what?"

"just being here." he shrugs, placing a kiss approximetly where your heart should be. "especially this late."

"wouldn't be much of a partner if i didn't, aus." you pause and kiss his forehead. "go back to sleep, i'm alive and i've got work i need to do. once i'm done you can hold me to your heart's content. deal?"

he smiles and settles his head back onto your chest, his eyes shutting ever so slowly. "deal."

[rachelordwayart]

A spiritual awakening, but in an incredibly on-brand way...

(CW: religion, depression, health problems, death)

I do sincerely apologize if this is in poor taste—my intention is not to disrespect this person or any religious/spiritual concepts, just to laugh at the absurdity of how my brain is connecting these dots—but I also suspect he’d find this hilarious.

Image ID under the cut.

[Image ID: A rough penciled comic.

Page 1.

1: Caption: "I've never been a spiritual person." The author small in frame, facing away, in shadow.

2: Caption: "The concept of organized religion rubbed me the wrong way, and I could never bring myself to wholeheartedly believe in anything." A TV with Goddess Madoka from Madoka Magica and a thought balloon reading "A magical girl creating hope from despair? I mean, it'd be nice if it were true..."

3: Caption: "But 6 months of weekly health panics can wear anyone down." A dizzying collage of the author in distress, clutching her heart, holding a nasal swab as her nose runs, clutching her arm, clutching her leg, looking woozy.

4: Caption: "I've been searching for meaning." The author depressed in the shower thinking "Maybe if I knew someone loved me..."

5: Caption: "I've been seeing signs." The author with dripping hair answering the door to a woman holding out a pamphlet, saying, "Did you know God loves you?"

Page 2.

1: The author small in frame looking confusedly at the pamphlet, thinking "Seriously, this happens an hour later...?"

2: The author bigger in frame, skeptical but thinking hard, thinking "Maybe...'God' is the one who loves me..."

3: The author bigger in frame, glancing up with tired eyes but a hopeful smile, thinking "I'm still not into religion, but... If I can make myself believe that somebody up there cares about me, then maybe..."

Page 3.

1: Large blocky text reading "The thing is..."

2: Caption: "Within this same stretch of time, I got all torn up over an actor's death" The author choking back tears as she looks at her phone.

3: Caption: "and started obsessing over his old podcast." The author lying in bed, holding back laughter as the offscreen podcast audio plays. "You've heard his competition on TV shows like—" *record scratch* "His 'competition'?" "Ha ha ha"

4: Caption: "So..." The author small in frame, still lying on the bed, the composition matching the previous panels where she had an epiphany. She looks distressed and sweats as she thinks "They're not real and they're not your friends—I mean, they're real, but they're not your friends—" Small text continues the podcast audio. "Ha ha ha" "I like his competition! I never liked Michael that much, but his competition I thought was very good!"

Page 4.

1: Caption: "No matter how hard I try..." Closer on the author looking even more exaggeratedly distressed, thinking in big text "Don't make it weird, Rachel!!" Offscreen podcast audio continues "And you've heard his 'compositions' on TV shows like—"

2: Caption: "Whenever I think about 'somebody up there'..." A mirror to the first panel, showing the author turned away and in shadow but looking up over her shoulder into the light, where a large translucent hand is patting her head.

3: Caption: "I can only picture Gilbert Gottfried." Closeup on Gilbert Gottfried laughing, light radiating from his face, as he says in big scratchy text "Chin up, dipsh*t! You're gonna be f*cking fine!"

[depressedacadamia]

Blood will have blood

Summary:  Being a healer during a war was a job that only few could handle- seeing soldiers who risk their lives was not for the weak. But Will questions everything as a powerful but very young demigod is about to die before his very eyes.

A/N: Day two of Will solace's bday week!!! I know I could have written another 3 Days in the infirmary fic but I thought I'd give some angst because I haven't done it in a while and I listened to somone talk about Patroclus' death; it was in the Podcast Let's talk about myths, baby! It's suuppperrr good but that episode had me close to tears. Thnks to @solangeloweek AND THIS IS REVENGE FOR THAT REALLY GOOD BUT SAD FIC BY MY FRIEND; THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE. Anyways, love from me <3 !!

Read on A03      Masterlist

“Move!” Will yelled as he hastily brought medical supplies to the healer who was working on fixing someone’s foot which had been sliced off.

“Fucking Gods, sending their kids to fight their battles, They don't know when to stop, do they?” Will gritted out aggressively as he crouched down by his patient- a powerful but young demigod who had been severely injured in a vicious fight.

Will washed the bloody cloth in the water and produced a clean one, at which he gently cleaned the wounds. He could feel their life force thinning, their heart beating softer and softer. He had given the demigod all he could- ambrosia, nectar and as much treatment as he could offer; but they were in a war- he couldn't dwell too much on the patients who he couldn’t save.

“If you don't require urgent treatment, you need to leave,” Will announced. “ Starting now, we are under triage. Red patients will immediately be accepted, yellow will have to wait- the walking wounded will have to consult their nearest field medic. I repeat, As of now, we are in triage!”

“Will, a new wave of patients are going to come soon- apparently the enemies have launched a fresh attack and our side wasn't prepared,” Kayla mumbled, handing out supplies to the healers. Will groaned but his frustration was quickly overcome with worry: how would his friends on the frontline fare with this fresh assault?

He worried for some of his siblings who had chosen to be soldiers over healers, he worried for people like Annabeth Chase and Piper Mclean- He even worried over Percy Jackson.

But most of all he worried over Nico Di Angelo. He was not concerned over Nico dying; he knew his boyfriend very well and the chance that he’d let someone else kill him was practically impossible. But he did fear Nico overworking himself, it was almost unavoidable.

Alas, he couldn’t worry about his boyfriend, he was in a war after all and he had to focus on his job- to heal the others.

“Will-” An urgent voice tugged him from his thoughts. “ Isn’t there anything else you can do for them?” The soldier pointed at his wounded younger sibling. His bruised, bloody face was contorted into a grim expression as his hand gripped the hand of the dying soldier.

“We can’t do anymore,” Kayla informed sadly. But as Will watched the young patient slowly being dragged to Thanatos, he couldn't help but feel that it wasn't this child's time yet- that's what they were, a child.

They were fighting a war, children were fighting a war while the almighty sat in their thrones above and watched it as if it were simply a film. Innocent children like the one beside Will were dying and.. And - and the gods just expected them to continue.

“There is something I can try,” Will started quietly. “But I can’t guarantee that it will work.”

“Will, you can’t-” Kayla quickly cut in. “You know how draining it is on your body and you've never tried it on somebody with such grave injuries before.”

“But I can still try,” Will told Kayla. His mind was made up- if his friends were out there risking their lives on the battlefield, this was the least he could do; risk his life to save this innocent, and powerful demigod. If this went right, their quick recovery would be essential to winning.

Kayla knew that nothing could stop Will as he peeled off his gloves and placed his hands onto the cold skin of the soldier. Will’s hands danced slowly around the bloodstained chest and abdomen of the soldier and every once in a while, his fingertips would accidentally brush against the wounds dipping the tips of his nails in a crimson substance that was still warm.

He glowed, as he healed- he always did. But his hands felt warmer than usual and when he felt it was time, he pressed his hands into the bloody wound that no longer poured blood- for there was no blood to pour. Wil drained himself, trying to heal what he could but it was to no avail- this child had died. There was nothing Will could give.

But he refused to let this be it- It couldn't be! The Gods couldn't let this child die, they were not a soldier- they were a child for god's sake!

So after he had given everything- all the healing power that he had been blessed with by his father, he found himself with his hands pressed into the lifeless body of the child. And slowly, as he weeped over their corpse, with every drip of his tears, he felt a little more of life ease into the child again. And so he bellowed.

He cried and let the tears pour into the wounds, healing, no- bringing the child back to life. They steamed down his face as he mourned as grievers do. He clutched at the child’s chest that no longer beat and he felt the life before his grow stronger. He heard a little ‘ba-dum’.

Then, the soldier opened their eyes and took a deep inhale.

There was clapping and laughter and crying as people across the infirmary watched the miracle being performed by the Head Healer.

Will felt a smile across his face. While he felt weak, so very weak, he felt pride as he looked at the child, who bleated as they choked air into their lungs like a new born baby goat, their cheeks rosy again.

And then he felt pain. Excruciating pain. It twisted and burned. He heard screaming, the scream of a mother who has lost their child before realising that it was his own voice- his hands, once covered in the blood of the child shot to clutch at his chest only to feel a warm thick liquid coat his hands like water running out of a tap.

He gasped for air. Urgent hands were on him, lifting him onto a stretcher as people immediately fell silent. The room, celebrating moments ago, fell into a trance watching. The healers worked desperately, tearing open Will’s clothes, working as fast as they could.

Will coughed and coughed and as the blood stained his lips he let out a small smile. His small smile turned into a laugh covered with his coughing which only forced up more of the substance as it trickled slowly down his chin.

“Will? Will?” Kayla asked desperately, watching him choke. His lips turned crooked as his face paled, displaying his freckles dusted across his nose and cheeks.

“Please frame these last words: Fuck the Gods,” He whispered, content with his last moments before he suddenly shot open his eyes as he recalled that he had forgotten something. “ Oh- and tell Nico that I love him and that jazz.”

His voice was weak and the blood began to dry on his hands.

“Tell me what?” A confused, alarmed and horrified voice echoed from the other side of infirmary belonging to a warrior holding their helmet under their arm and stygian iron sword in their hand.

[juiceboxman]

NEW D&D SOURCE BOOK OUT

Van Richten’s Guide to Ravenloft came out a few days ago. I bought it an read through it. The book expands stuff in the classic module the Curse of Strahd, a Gothic Horror centred campaign in which a party are pitted against a very powerful Vampire and other types of horrors in a cursed land.

Most of the book’s content details these things:

How to make a horror centred campaign

How to make scary encounters

How to scare your players while also not crossing personal boundaries

I have to commend the book on how informative it is on how to maintain a healthy playing environment. Such as having a thorough discussion with the players before you begin about what players are comfortable with and what they aren’t, so you have topics and themes in the story that you know not to touch upon as it may upset players and ruin the fun. The book also recommends that you avoid using players irl phobias in the game as it ruins gameplay experience as well. For more advice on how to run a healthy fun playing experience, I recommend checking out Dimension 20′s Adventuring Academy podcast. Its a great advice podcast on all things table top.

All the stuff in the Source Book is horror specific, so if you’re not into horror or any scary stuff in D&D, the book is not for you and that’s fine. For those that like horror, the book does a great job of helping set the tone for a horror game and how to build and maintain tension.

It also sets out a guide for how to adapt elements of Curse of Strahd into homebrew games. So say you love the vibe and mechanics in Curse of Strahd, but you don’t really care with the BBEG being a Vampire. The source book lists at least 16 adventures with varying genres of Horror with different creatures and encounters. 

So in one adventure, you can play in this accursed desert where the BBEG is a powerful Mummy Lord. Or in another you can play in a strange carnival in which the BBEG is a Fey creature. There’s zombie outbreaks, mindflayers- everything you can imagine, you can create and play and the book will help you to do so.

The book polishes up some Unearthed Arcana stuff, namely three new playable races. Dhampir (a watered down vampire that you can play as a PC), Hexblood (a humanoid mutated by Hag magic) and Reborn (an undead or construct reincarnation) all of them are pretty interesting.

They also sort out two UA subclasses, namely College of Spirtits Bard and Warlock patron of Undead. he latter of which you can have someone like Strahd be your patron.

There’s also some new backgrounds that are interesting and a new Dark Gift feature that is also pretty cool. A character can choose to receive a Dark Gift from a Dark Lord, an example being Strahd, so that they get some benefits but also some negative impacts as well. It can make some very fun game play for those who are interested.

But, the main thing I buy source books for is the classic DM stuff. NEW MONSTERS! Here are some of my favourites. 

Dullahan, a headless horseman. Very spooky and potentially lethal

Death Head, very interesting monster that can be flavoured to a DMs whims. ou can have a flying medusa head or a flying nothic head, or any type of flying head. The head is your oyster. They go well with the Dullahan and there is a specific adventure in the Source Book that includes both of them in case you wanna play a sleepy hollow esque game

Gallow Speaker. Picture a mix between an Oracle and a Spectre, you have one very creepy monster that can also make a very spooky NPC

Gremishka. A very creepy monstrous cat that is like the opposite of a familiar. In fact, its whole existence is just to be the bane of Spellcasters. Very creepy and has some interesting features, though I think you’d have to juice it up if your Wizard is higher than lvl 3.

Inquisitors. You have three separate Inquisitors whose whole lore mixes with Curse of Strahd but I won’t get into. There are; Inquisitor of the Mind Fire, Inquisitor of the Sword and Inquisitor of the Tome. If you like elements of the Githzarai but don’t know how implement them into your campaign, Inquisitors are a good alternative

Jiangshi. A very interesting undead. Basically a mix between a Ghoul and a Vampire, would make a very interesting monster for low level PCs

Loup Garou. An alpha werewolf. For werewolf fans like me, I imagine you’re disappointed that werewolves are only a CR 3. With Loup Garou though, you now have a werewolf with legendary actions. Very interesting monster and there is a very cool adventure in the source book that features the monster. It also has some very cool werefwolf mechanics if a PC gets infected with lycanthropy and also has a magic item linked to it thats pretty cool

Nechricor. Imagine if a Lich failed at Lichdom and accidentally turned themselves into an ooze; that’s Nechricor. I always love the tope of very powerful villains trapped in like a bottle or a knife or a statue, so a Nechricor is right up my alley

Nosferatu. Very much like a Vampire Spawn but a hell of a lot grosser. They have a feature where they can hurt people by projectile vomiting blood on them. Very nasty. If you wanna remove the romanticism from vampirism, Nosferatu are the way to go. Also if you wanna use vampires with lower level PCs, Nosferatu can be very good alternative

Vampire Mind Flayer. Enough said

And that’s most of my favourites. There’s plenty more, such as the Relentless Slasher- which is great if you wanna play a murder mystery campaign or a Friday the 13th one shot- very interesting monster.

There’s a lot of other monsters that are also really cool but I don’t really want to share them cause they’re so gross or creepy. There’s a monster called the Boneless which is literally just a bunch of skin that chokes people. There’s a bog star spawn monster that is just super gross and horrifying. There’s also a monster called a Carrionette, which is just a doll that can steal your soul- super creepy! The artists definitely outdid themselves on this source book.

If you wanna check the, out or get a hold of the stat block of these monsters above, check out Van Richtens Guide to Ravenloft