#this singularity was a lot of fun I can't wait for the next one

[morverenmaybewrites]

Hi! I'm so glad you're back, new chapter of Pizza girl was amazing as always, for me it's absolutely the best dc fic ever!

I especially love how the relationship between Jason and other characters feels heartbreakingly natural, how it isn't a case of "love magically cured trauma" but rather slowly and messyly opening up, and trying to heal with the help of right people at right time.

And as much as I cannot wait for Jason and pizza girl to have more straight up romantic shenanigans, I love how they started with gaining each other trust and building their friendship, I adore them as domestic buddies.

I have a question, if it isn't some kind of spoiler of course, at this point of the story, does Jason have (or wants to have) a life outside of his Red Hood persona? And I mean it half psychologically half practically (similarly to pizza girl, how does he earn money if being a vigilante isn't a source of income?)

But seriously, I find it heartbreaking that as much as he yearns for home, he still lives in safe houses, and I was so happy when he thought about asking Babs for help in looking for something more permanent for himself. And it fits into his fear of being traced of course, but got me thinking, in a more personal sense, does he have a motivations for living other than trying to make up for his mistakes as Arkham Knight?

Something like: does he realise that there's Red Hood who fights for those who can't do it for themselves, but there's also Jason who likes the smell of new books, has his favorite mug and favorite way of drinking coffee, has his favorite chair at the local library, who maybe has quiet and innocent dream to get a degree or his dream job and be loved and needed by someone?

Does he realise the second one exists and deserves to be cherished by him?

(Sorry if this ask is too much, I just now realised how long it got 😭 I will absolutely understand if you don't have time to answer this)

Anyway thank you for writing this amazing and captivating work, I can't wait for next chapters, whenever they'll be ready❤

In the meantime I hope you get time to rest and have fun! Stay safe!

This is a wonderful breakdown of Jason's character! To answer your question, does Jason have a life outside of his Red Hood persona? No. Does he want one? Unconsciously, the answer is yes, but I don't think he can acknowledge it right now. For years following the Joker's torture, he's pretty much been in survival mode, keeping himself alive by being obsessed with a singular goal. First, it was to kill the Joker and Batman, and then when he found out the Joker was dead, it was to kill Batman. Now, it's to seek redemption as the Red Hood. While he may have (somewhat) progressed from his days as the Arkham Knight, he's still clinging to the same unhealthy coping mechanisms. It's a little (or a lot) like depression. He's so focused on getting through today and the next day and the next day that there's little room for anything else. Hobbies and friends and a place to feel at home in sound nice, but they also sound absolutely unattainable. And he's lived with that mindset for so long that he's all but forgotten that there are different ways to live. That's where Jason's head is right now. Maybe one day, he'll progress enough that he'll be able to look around his safehouse, so sparse that it's no different from a prison cell, and he'll think to himself that he wants something more. And it doesn't have to be anything big. Nothing so grand as the Wayne Manor. Just a small place, maybe above a bookstore. Maybe in the beginning, it's not so different from his safehouses. Just a mattress on the floor and a bathroom. But then one day, he'll add something small. Some secondhand book he bought from the store for the change he had in his pocket. It's from an author he's never heard of before. The writing is a little clunky, but it's enough to pass the time while he's waiting for updates on his cases. Maybe he reads it next to his window, by the light of the flickering street lamps, trying not to grimace at the way the hard wood is digging into his back. Maybe one of his siblings or even the reader notices. She takes him to one of her favorite flea markets under the guise of buying a new rug. And he ends up taking back an armchair, so old that the stuffing is coming out in places. But he makes do, the way he always has, he washes away the accumulated dust and dirt, he patches up the holes, and he places it next to his window. Where the street lamp shines just enough light to read by, even if it often flickers. He opens his book, written by an author he's never heard of before. The writing is a little clunky in places. But for now, he thinks, it's enough. (And maybe he'll read until morning. And maybe he'll realize, or maybe not: that the Jason Todd who used to spend hours in the Wayne Manor library, who had a favorite armchair by the fire, is still in there, somewhere. And perhaps, he'll think--or perhaps not--that the Joker hasn't killed everything that he used to be. Perhaps there's still a little bit of Robin left in him.)

[sejmisland]

prev anon here again!! here's my request (i hope it's okay to mix fandoms?) :}

could you write something involving hux, wheatley, and glados "comforting" (in big quotation marks) the reader who's having a bad bout of the monthly cramps? like, so bad they literally can't walk without crying lmao. i'd love if the reader was already in an established relationship with the bot(s) but you can make it non-romantic if you want!

absolutely, dear. more than okay to mix fandoms <3. i decided to do hcs and small drabbles for all 3. im so sorry this took so long im actually having bad cramps rn. thank you for the request! i had a lot of fun writing this.

established relations with reader below, gender neutral, no pronouns used (afab anatomy).

hux / the singularity. - he is terrible at emotional comfort due to his logical approach, but he tries! its only through words mostly but as time goes on, he gets forms of "treatment" (heating pads, medicine). - it first started when you walked, pain so blinding that you felt tears come to your eyes. he noticed this immediately. - "what is the matter?" he'd ask and you try to explain it to him. you explain that it was monthly cramps as you felt like doubling over. - he simply picks you up with his claw and rests you on a nearby couch.

"growth hurts," he mused as he remained in front of you resting on the couch. his entire body jolted, head ticking to the side with rough movement. he lifted a mechanical leg to rest it on the couch next to your seated position. he hoisted himself up and spun quickly, sitting himself down alongside you. "it often does." you lifted your eyes to him, leaning aside to rest your head against his fleshy, pulsating arm. you closed your eyes, allowing the tears in your eyes to trail down your face. your chest heaved with each quiet sniffle and sob of agony as your stomach sent another wave of contraction. "quit blabbering," you pressed your teeth into your tongue. "it will not help." you opened up your eyes to turn your head up to him. "i know, i'm sorry. it-" you choked on a small whimper. "it just hurts, hux." your voice cracked as you whispered up to him, tears obscuring your vision. the only clear thing were his glowing, red eyes as he stared down at you for what seemed like an eternity. "it will all be over soon. do not fret, my worm."

wheatley.

- he cant provide much, but if you like hearing him babble to help distract. - he noticed tears in your eyes as you twisted in your chair in an uncomfortable, painful way. - VERY concerned. he noticed your pain right away! he's scared, almost terrified of seeing you in pain. - "are you okay?! hey, what's wrong? y-you dont need to cry, you know!" and when you explain to him..

"oh, OH! wait, you- oh! hold on, it's okay, oh, please don't cry. don't cry!" wheatley stammered, beginning to tick his ocean blue eye all over the room, as if he was searching for something. "umm, what to do... what to do- i've never done this before. at least, i don't think so-" "wheatley," you rasped out quietly through the mounting pain, smiling as he talked himself through the situation. you glanced up to the sky blue eye that was now dilated, shaking as it focused on you. "shhh, shh, its okay! give me one second! you'll love this." you couldn't help but silently chuckle as you watched the small robot steer himself on the rail with the occasional spark letting loose from his eye plates. "you'll... you'll need to catch me." he gave no further warning; he ejected himself from his rail with an incoherent blabber, crashing into your arms. the force was enough to knock your limbs back, making him slam into your already hurting abdomen. you let out a pained yelp and he returned it with one of his own. "sorry, sorry! j-just a mishap! didn't expect that-" you looked down at him, cradling him into your arms. "butterfingers, ha!"

glados.

- much like hux, she is terrible at comfort. she seems cruel but this is in her tone of voice. her comfort? observation. - she didnt notice it at first. so when she saw you walking, tears streaming down your face and mouth screwed in a grimace, she was confused. she thought you were injured. - "what is going on? what happened?" she does sound concerned with a hint of confusion. "what have you gotten yourself into now?" you explain that you're not *injured* but simply in pain from your monthly. - an awkward silence afterward. it doesnt last long.

"your resilience is commendable, but unnecessary." her monotone voice rang out as the yellow pupil stared down at your agonized form. "do not move." all of the panels surrounding the room shift in wave like motions, almost masking a hissing noise from around you. you turned your head from side to side to see glass panels rising up, entrapping you in a transparent cell. she looked on as you panicked, nearly falling against one of the glass panel walls. when you looked back to her, vision blurry from the tears still pooling in your eyes, she swayed aside as if she was monitoring your every move. you blinked several times, attempting to focus your vision. "glados," you hissed out through grit teeth as you squeezed your arms around yourself tighter in hopes to lessen the pain of your contracting muscles. "what are you doing?" "i need to think," she swung her chassis closer to your glass prison, almost completely taking up your clearing vision. you blinked rapidly to gain focus. "observation is crucial."

[mollish-art]

Mollish, what kind of five stars dish are you cooking with the chapter?!

Let me get this straight: You have reached the 100 pages mark, and (if you haven't already past it) have written, atleast, 80k words.

For those who are like "that not a lot", let me put this into prespective.

Firstly, "The Great Gatsby" is a novel that has a count of **looks at Google* about 47k words (if you don't want the unrounded number, there are 47.094), as indicated by the source.

Secondly, a 100 pages are A LOT. It's true that depending on style of the font and how big it is, it can affect the canvas. Let's say that Mollish writes with the standard Calibri 12 Word offers when booted up. A single page can hold an small introduction, a text body about 3-4 paragraphs and a conclusion. All that is about 200-300 words. Do you see what I mean?

Finally, if you still haven't seen what I mean, is that those hundred pages and 80k words are NOT different chapters. These. Are. For. A. Singular. Chapter.

In conclusion, Mollish (aka, you, yes you, the one who is reading this) has written more words than a novel, the book itself is more or less as long as a children's book [a 100 pages is about a half an inch (???) ( about 7 milimetres or 1 whole centimetre)], and is doing all of this for a chapter of a fanfic for an AU about a project a creachur that films themselves playing games named "Ranboo" made, just because she feels like it.

We must appreciate the work and time she has putted behind the writting ( AND drawings) for Unperson.

Let me just say "Thank you Mollish for creating the AU and lending it the time and care it needs to grow."

Sorry for writting the Bibel lol, have a nice day!

PS: Watch Chapter 5 be longer than the other four chapters combined xD.

Awww thank you so much for the kind words!! That's very sweet of you :) I really appreciate it! I'm having such a fun time with the story and I'm just really happy that I have the opportunity to share it with you guys! <3

I know I've been saying it for weeks now, but I promise I'm nearly done! Today I finally hit the 100 page mark and have just passed 42,000 words (making the entire fic nearly 100,000 words long!) :D

As there was so much I needed to do with this chapter (you'll see what I mean by that when it releases), I had to make it really long. I doubt chapter 5 will be anywhere near the same length, but of course I can't say for sure until I'm actually writing it lol

I should be finished with writing Chapter 4 in the next few days, and then I pass it on to my beta reader for edit suggestions. While they're reading it, I can use that time to finish working on the cover art and the (many) website updates that will accompany the chapter itself!

The corresponding audiobook chapter won't be out for a while yet as after I release this chapter I need to actually record an entire audiobook for a client (yippee!!), but as soon as that's done I'll get on to dubbing my own work again (and then of course beginning work on Chapter 5)!

Thank you all again so much for your patience and support, especially through this prolongued hiatus. The wait has been a lot longer than I anticipated, but so is the chapter, so hopefully that makes up for it haha

See y'all sooooooon!~

[nucleiaster]

[First impressions] Wenn's arrival on the Imperator and first meeting with the Emperor

CW : eyestrain (chromatic abberations, both in drawings and written text) Full comic and author rambles commentary under the cut

This is my longest comic to date, and the most challenging one to make ! I had a lot of fun, and I learned a lot (I already see things I could have done better haha), I can't wait to draw more comics ! Now for some rambles in no particular order :

The Imperator is the home of thousands of people, who can be divided in two very different populations : the bounty hunters and the permanent crew. The bounty hunters are rattached to syndicates, and guaranteed food, shelter, protection and weapons from the Imperator, as well as exclusive contracts, in exchange for a percentage of the rewards they collect. The permanent crew is composed of cooks, engineers, pilots, gardeners, dock workers, janitors…. everyone needed to keep the Imperator flying. The percentage taken from the bounty hunters' rewards is used to pay the crewmembers. There have been tensions between the hunters and the permanent crew, but the Emperor enforces a very strict non aggression rule, and has made it very clear that, if the bounty hunters need the Imperator to live, the Imperator does not need them to fly.

The recruitment process is very similar for both the hunters and the crew. When the Imperator needs more hands, a call to candidates will be sent to the next spatioports on the ship's planned trajectory. The bounty hunter syndicates will make a first selection before presenting their candidates to the Emperor. The people who want to join the crew will be brought directly in front of the Emperor. Spontaneous applications are never considered (except for Wenn, apparently).

Wenn was not supposed to see what she saw.

I wanted to play a bit with the space between the panels whe it comes to the singularity. In universe, singularities are impossibilities, they should not exist the way they do. They litteraly break reality and I wanted to represent that with the singularity litteraly acting on the space between, the invisible time between an action and the next. I think I can go way further with this idea and I really want to explore the possibilities. I could also do more with the Emperor : as they are an extension of sort of the Imperator's singularity, I want to play with their capacity to break the space of the drawing and "leak" into the white page.

[dropitlikeapeong]

Waiting for You: Chapter 2-

But why?

Genre: more angst (kinda.. it could've been worse)

CW: Swearing(and lots of it). Seeuns a jerk (a little bit!). mentions of food. Y/n's probably getting fired. mentions of jealousy. suggestive mentions (makeouts, hickeys and love bites) NONE are happening in this chapter, they're only mentioned.

This chapter is not as angsty and sad as it could've been, and thats okay because I still got the next few chapters to torture you with :D

This one's a bit longer than the last one so woohoo. I apologize for any spelling mistakes (my eyesight is a joke) if im forgetting to add something in the cws, please let me know and i hope ya'll enjoy.

Likes, reblogs and comments are very appreciated.

"Let's break up."

"we're done, y/n."

"I don't want us, anymore"

"we're done."

"Goodbye Y/n."

Not a single explanation given, he just simply let you know that it was over, and left. Instead of an evening that usually ends with watching yours and his favourite shows on netflix with some snacks, cuddling and a little makeout in between, your evening ended with you crying yourself to sleep wondering what went wrong. Sadly the world won't stop spinning solely for your heartbreak, and you are very much still needed at work today.

Having slept through the alarms your now ex-boyfriend always set for you, you are forced get up by the several incoming calls and texts from your supervisor and your coworkers. After your phone finally stops vibrating, you sit up in your bed to scroll through the many texts from your friends, Jiwoo and Hana;

Jiwoo: WHERE TF ARE YOU?!- sent 06:18

Jiwoo: you were the last one to leave work last night, you have the office keys now we can't get in- sent 06:20

Jiwoo: also we agreed yesterday you're in charge of the picking up the boys' food, im driving them to the photoshoot- sent 06:21

Jiwoo: and no i will not switch shifts with you again- sent 06:21

Jiwoo: BITCH ISTG- sent 06:52

Jiwoo: we got a spare key. thanks for nothing asshole.- sent 07:05

Well... Jiwoo's mad. You'll have to make it up to her later, and from the looks of it, Hana as well.

Hana: If you value your job, get your ass over here quickly. I can only stall Manager Park for so long- sent 07:52

Hana: and no i'm not gonna tell them you're calling in sick- sent 07:52

Hana: Youre on the meal shift, you not allowed to call in sick today- sent 07:53

Hana: IF YOU DONT PICK UP THE FCUKING CALL ISTG- sent 07:58

Hana: lol, tried to save ya, Manager Park is pissed.-sent 08:14

Hana: And youre on meal shift tomorrow as well since jiwoo had to get the boys' coffee today. YOURE WELCOME.- sent 08:15

hana: AND youre the one who promised the maknaes brownies today, not us, so have fun explaining to them why they arent getting any today- sent 08:18

Hana: im mad at you in case you cant tell.-sent 08:18

Aside from the spam of your upset friends, your main motivator to get into the shower was a singular text from Manager Park letting you know that if you didn't show up at work today, to not bother showing up tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after that.

So you rush through your shower routine, grab your bags and your keys and a fruit on your way out of your home, to at least try and salvage this day, and not piss off your friends or your other colleagues even more.

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While driving to work, your thoughts end up drifting back to last nights events. When Seeun broke your heart and left you crying on your living room floor.

Later today one of the staff that were aware of your relationship would be coming around to pick up anything and everthing of his that he might have left in your apartment, during your one year relationship.

'It's for the best' he says. Best for who? Him? Did the CEO find out about you then tell him to end things? that would make sense, however with how clingy he was toward you at work and in front of everyone, it was quite difficult to keep your relationship secret, even from the CEO himself.

After he caught Seeun trying to sneak into one of the supply closets with you, you were both called into his office for a very important discussion about "fraternization in the workplace". He'd given you both a stern yet kind warning that if anyone outside of the company found out found about this, it'd mean a lot of trouble, especially for you, so you needed to be careful.

'Guess there's no need to worry about that anymore.' you thought to yourself.

You make a stop at the sandwich bar across the company to pick up the boys' lunch as well as the brownies you promised, even though you told them you'd bake them yourself, you were unfortunately too preoccupied with dealing with heartbreak their friend caused. Hopefully they'll understand right? Of course they wouldn't they didn't even know you two were a thing. Wait, maybe that's his issue;

What if he saw you with someone else? Maybe thats why!

Could he have seen you with another guy and overthought the situation? You obviously have some male coworkers that you chat with sometimes, but your conversations are always respectful. Even if someone does flirt with you, you always kindly let them know you're not interested.

Him worrying about you leaving for another guy seems highly unlikely, but not impossible. He does tend to have a bit of a jealous streak, epsecially when comes to you being around his bandmates.

With the job of prepping their equipment and clothing for performances, Bringing them their food and drinks and driving them to their many different events since their debut, it's no surprise that you'd eventually grow close to the ten boys. it is how you and Seeun started dating after all, but considering that could get you into an insane amount of trouble, your relationship with him remained a secret, even from the rest of the group.

That secretiveness unfortunately made some of other members comfortable enough to have some flirty conversations with you.

Its kinda suprising how neither of them even suspected you two, with how Seeun would constantly be caught staring daggers at Hunter for constantly offering to take you out on a date after dance practice. Considering Hunter's personality, you know he's probably joking, but it still didn't stop your boyfriend from angrily muttering about how he needed to back off, because you're his and his only.

I mean, at least you were.

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Finally you arrive at the company just in time to deliver lunch to the boys. Once you reach their practice room they're all lying on the floor sprawled out, in different corners of the studio. Jiwoo continues packing up their sound equipment not even sparing you a glance, still very much upset from this morning. You'll have to buy her lunch later to make up for it.

They're all too exhausted from rehearsals to pay any attention to you, so you figure you can sneak in, leave them their food and sneak back out unnoticed, but today is just not your day.

"Y/NNIE!!", is all you hear before a strong pair of arms wrap around you and lift you off the ground, squeezing you tightly.

So much for sneaking out unnoticed.

"Hunter, I can't breathe." He gives you one last squeeze before setting you on your feet again, smiling down at you.

"Where were you this morning? We missed you!" Yujun asked while rummaging through the bag of food you brought.

Now everyone's eyes are on you as you try to explain your absence from this morning but your wonderful ex pipes up before you can even speak.

"Who's 'we'?" he scoffed, while the other members laughed, your smile dropped as you tensed at his response.

Right. He always had to tease you a little to make sure his favoritism of you wasn't too obvious, although according to Hyunwoo, it only makes it more obvious that he likes you, hence everyone just laughing off his comment. Even you would just laugh off his antics knowing he'd give you all his hugs and kisses later, as an apology in case he was a little too mean.

But after last night's conversation, today's joke isn't really that easy to laugh off.

"So Y/n, where were you-Are you crying?" Yechan asks and now everyone is moving in closer to see what was wrong with you. When did you start crying? You quickly wipe at your face but Seeun grabs your wrist, his other hand moving up to as if to caress your cheek, him looking down at you with concern with concern in his eyes, that concern disappears immediately, as he laughs in your face.

"Wait are you really crying?" he sneered. What is this?

This is not his usual teasing, he's really just trying to hurt you.

But why? Why is he being like this?

"Aw, Y/nnie you know I'm just joking, no need to be a baby about it-" he goes to ruffle your hair but you instinctively slap his hand away from you.

He looked a bit shocked at your actions but that expression quickly changed into a mocking smirk.

"Woah, calm down, why are you being so moody today?"

"Y/n just had a bad morning guys, we all have those don't we?" jiwoo spoke up. You weren't really expecting her to defend you after her texts from this morning, but you were grateful nonetheless.

"Yay! You brought the brownies!" the exchange between you two is quickly forgotten as the rest of group rushes off to where Yujun is holding the box of brownies.

"Hey, these are store-bought you said you'd bake them-"

"Who cares, I want one!"

"Hey! hEY- DON'T EAT ALL OF THEM! We're supposed to share!!"

While they all bickered over the bags of food, you backed away silently trying to make your way to the door, but bumped into someone, you turn around to see Seeun glaring at you.

"Watch where you're going idiot." He muttered walking over to where the rest of members were already sitting down and eating, leaving a dull ache in your chest.

What was his problem? Why was he acting as if you're the one who hurt him?

You were tempted to ask but Jiwoo grabbed your arm and dragged you towards the door.

"We need to go see Manager Park right now, but we'll be back in a few minutes. Enjoy your lunch guys!"

Once the door is shut, you are then dragged off to yours and Jiwoo's shared office.

"I thought we had to go to Manager Park-"

"Yes. You do. In an hour or so;"

She then shoves you into your chair and stares at you expectantly.

"I know you're probably so mad at me right now- and you have every right to be-"

"-Apology accepted. You'll pay for my lunch later. Now onto more pressing matters, what's up with you and Seeun? You guys were so tense just now! Did you guys fight or something?"

You roll your eyes and sigh at her nosiness. You had planned on keeping the relationship a secret from her and Hana as well, but they put two and two together when you had gone into his dressing room to 'help him with his stage outfit', and came back with hickeys littered on your neck and collar, and bite marks on your shoulders and chest(you probably shouldn't have worn a sleeveless top that day).

Although there was a lot of concern about how things could easily go very wrong with this, they were still very happy for you and being the good friends they were, they promised not to tell a single soul.

"We broke up." Her mouth fell open, with her eyes widened in shock.

"Uh.. O-Okay?? Why??" She asked incredulously.

You shrugged, wishing you knew that answer as well.

"Jeez so that's why he's been so sour this morning, you broke his heart!" she says slapping your arm lightly and you narrowed your eyes her.

"First of all; He broke up with me-"

"-The fuck? Why?"

"Beats me." you leaned back into your chair closing your eyes.

"Well shit, then what the heck was he mad at us for?" you sat back up at that.

"He got mad at you guys?" she nodded and sat on you desk.

"He was so snappy with everyone this morning, no one knew what his deal was."

Before you could ask her for more information, the door opened and Hana rushed in, slightly out of breath.

"Manager Park is looking for you- and wants to see you in the practice room. Right now."

"Me? I thought he wanted to see me in hour-"

"-Change of plans. He wants to see you now and i suggest you move fast, cause he seemed pissed."

Shit.

"We all come late from time to time- hell even he was late too last week- he can't still be mad about that right?" Jiwoo asked trying to reassure you even though she seemed just as worried as you. Hana shrugged and looked at you.

"You coming?"

You exhaled deeply and stood up, following her to the the practice room.

Time to face the music.

<previous chapter :: next chapter>

[theemporium]

i wanted to gatekeep but honestly a lot of hockey books suck to us hockey fans because the authors just don't get it but here's some with opinions:

vancouver storm series by stepanie archer (2 books so far) - readable, not super believable but not off putting

sidelined love by emery paige - would not recommend if you're looking for anything beside brainless filler, very surface level everything

vancouver agitators series by meghan quinn (4 books so far) - started okay but got worse, was looking forward to the 4th book so well and it ended up being so bad

jacksonville rays by emily rath (2 books, 3 novellas so far) - this series could have been so much shorter, can be summed up with "there was an attempt", i don't like saying this word but jesus there was so much cringe

playing for keeps by becka mack (3 books so far) - probably the highest rated series so far which is to say something because this wasn't a good series, so many pages yet so forgettable

mile high by liz tomforde (3 books in the series so far, only one hockey book) - solid reads but not must reads iykwim, like you probably won't regret it if you read it but the folks saying you have to are exaggerating, wait now that i think about it most hockey books are worse so yeah go for it it's good

elle kennedy (problematic author but honestly sometimes you just gotta)

off campus (5 books) - the OGs, read the first 4 books twice, their iconic-ness makes up for the flaws which there are but yolo, book 5 the legacy was a cute idea that could have been better executed

briar u (4 books) - not as good as off campus but i just checked and i rated them higher? why? eh whatever, no matter what people say you have to read this before the legacy to understand all the cameos and jokes

campus diaries (1 or 2 books so far) - a worthy continuation so far that hopefully won't disappoint because i just want more hockey books

brother puckers series by kayla grosse (2 novellas so far) - skip, skip, skip, can this even count the first one has no real hockey just a hockey agent twin brother of a player, could have been a wonderfully kinky book if it hadn't done literally everything wrong

totally pucked series by maren moore (6 books so far + 2 standalones) - they're all connected but there was no info on when the standalones fit in and overall it's just a mess and not a a fun mess just like messy all around, very heavy on calling women puckbunnies for no reason i think this author needs to talk to somebody about her biases tbh

off the ice series by bal khabra (1 book so far) - starts out eerily similiar to icebreaker but like... if it was good, very good alternative

d.c. eagles hockey series by leah brunner (2 or 3 books so far, 1 novella) - not super terrible but also just one of those books that you pick up because you can't find anything else and you don't feel anything about them afterwards like okay moving on

maple hills series by hannah grace (2 books so far) - i did not hate it, did i like it? uhm... next question

same time next year by tessa bailey - tessa bailey saw everybody on booktok thirsting over hockey players and thought "oh i can make some money with this", i don't think she googled even a singular thing for this, inaccurate as fuck

mendell hawks series by deanna grey (2 books so far) - very underrated series that deserves more love, good quick reads with likable characters and great friendships

ooooh thank you for sharing!!

[the-haunted-prince-au]

I've been debating this for a good half an hour now and I think it's time to reveal a new character...

Once In A Blue Moon...

Vannesa was exhausted. She'd been trying to exorcise this spirit for weeks now and nothing was working! There was only one method left in the book and it's description had been scribbled out leaving only a singular incantation spell. She sighed "this is for My Prince..." she began to say the spell "once in a blue moon a soul is woven, A deal made, a lesson spoken, for what is a puppet without its strings, but a bloody corpse in the night, rise o corpse puppet and lend me your strings, for I am the one who will do your bidding!" Red mist began to spill from the book enveloping the room in a blood red fog. Vannesa shielded her eyes hoping whatever this fog was it wasn't cursed. And then the saw them.

A strange entity presumably a spirit floated amongst a blood red sky with stars hanging from threads as a giant blue moon hung behind them. "Are you the spirit possessing My Prince?" She asked "no silly you summoned me!" They spoke with a strange whispery dark voice. "I'm the MoonThreader pleasure to make your aquatince young queen" "wait how did you know I-" "I know lots of things like the fact your little Prince is having some trouble!" "Yes that's why I summoned you! Fix it now!" "Alright I can't fix it instantly but I can help you fix it all I need is access to your strings!" "My what?" "Your mind, your soul, your very essence I call them strings" "you want into my mind?" "Yes it's it's only way I can teach you and lend you my power. Say let's make a deal on it you let my into your head and I'll teach you how to exorcise that pesky ghoul" the spirit held their thread wrapped hand out "do we have a deal?" Vannesa instantly shook their hand and the pocket dimension collapsed back into her mothers library. And she noticed a small red thread wrapped around her finger. "That must be the mark of the deal!" She began to cackle "your games are over foul spirit! I will have My Prince back!" Meanwhile way beyond the sky in a place known only as the horizon MoonThreader placed down a small doll that looked just like Vannesa next to that doll were 2 more one of The Prince and of The Snatcher. The Snatcher doll had a hole in its chest(?) And had been placed inside of a crystallized container and the Prince doll had a small flaming blue heart stitched to its chest by red strings. The MoonThreader looked at the dolls and smiled. "Now i think it's time we have some REAL fun!"

@return-of-the-queen-au

[areyoudreaminof]

No Regrets in this Life: A Cassian Playlist

We're back with our good ol' Lord of Bloodshed. Cassian has had a lot of assumptions and descriptors thrown his way. Bastard, warlord, General, bastard, and himbo (my own personal favorite). But underneath his humor, you've got this very loving and empathetic man, who has a lot more emotional complexity than he gets credit for underneath that humor. So I really let myself have a lot of fun with this playlist. I branched out more sonically and lyrically. So come take a look with me behind the cut! And Listen Here!

Ares-Bloc Party

War, war, war, war I want to declare a war My fist breaks your porcelain nose There are other things my hands can do To create or to destroy Mini gods and goddesses First person singular Set it, set it, set it off

The Man-The Killers

Nothing can break, nothing can break me down Don't need no advice, I got a plan I know the direction, the lay of the land I know the score like the back of my hand Them other boys, I don't give a damn

Inhaler-Foals

So can you not go away If just for one day? Impossible, possible How do you feel now? How do you feel now in a war? War sends out for you And throw your fortune away

After Hours-The Weeknd

Thought I almost died in my dream again Fightin' for my life, I couldn't breathe again I'm fallin' in too deep Without you, I can't sleep 'Cause my heart belongs to you I'll risk it all for you I want you next to me This time, I'll never leave

Careful You-TV on the Radio

Not to say, not to say That you shouldn't share the blame There is a softness to your touch There is a wonder to your ways Don't know how I feel, what's the deal? Is it real? When's it gonna go down? Can we talk? Can we not? Well, I'm here, won't you tell me right now? And I'll care for you, oh, careful you

Bite Down: Bastille vs HAIM

You don't have to look any further I've been waiting here for you for time You don't have to look any further You're missing what is right before your eyes No one's gonna stick the pieces Together for you, together for you

HEADBOARD-Lil Ugly Mane

Caught in a fire Buried with you Off in a dream, dream, dream All I know is right now, I'm through

waves-Miguel

Don't stop, I wanna ride that wave All night, I'm gonna ride that wave Look here, I'm gon' surf in it baby Get turnt in it baby, put work in it baby Keep workin' it while I ride that wave Put it out, I'm on fire, fire That’s what I’m about, take me higher, higher, tonight (I'm gonna ride that wave) You got a body built for the beach Do you got that ocean? Body surf, don't sleep, body surf on me

Don't Wanna Fight-Alabama Shakes

What you like, what I like Why can't we both be right? Attacking, defending Until there's nothing left worth winning Your pride and my pride Don't waste my time I don't wanna fight no more

The Fire-The Roots & John Legend

There's something in your heart And it's in your eyes It's the fire, inside you Let it burn You don't say, "Good luck" You say, "Don't give up" It's the fire, inside you Let it burn

10 Lovers-The Black Keys

When I hear them use your name I get all choked up inside It's not only from the shame It's like ten different lovers died Except you're still just a mile away But there's nothing left to say Don't leave us down and out again Cause we might break instead of bend

Who-David Byrne & St. Vincent

Who’ll help the tired soldier? Far from his own hometown Carry these men and women Who get lost when the Sun goes down? Who is an honest man?

TKO-Justin Timberlake

Fair fight, knocked down, then I got over you Can't fight no more, you knock me out What am I supposed to do? Don't understand it Tell me, how could you be so low? Been swinging after the bell and after all of the whistle blows Tried to go below the belt, through my chest, perfect hit to the dome Dammit, babe

Young Men Dead-The Black Angels

And out of the black a figure forms A soldier in the sky With a drop of love Trying to set you free Run for the hills, pick up your feet and let's go We did our jobs, pick up speed now lets move The trees can't grow without the sun in their eyes And we can't live if we're too afraid to die

Good Times, Bad Times-Led Zeppelin

I know what it means to be alone I sure do wish I was at home I don't care what the neighbours say I'm gonna love you each and every day You can feel the beat within my heart Realize, sweet babe, we ain't never gonna part I feel good when I look into your eyes

taglist: @octobers-veryown, @melting-houses-of-gold, @velidewrites, @reverie-tales, @thesistersarcheron@ultadverb, @c-e-d-dreamer, @andrigyn, @foundress0fnothing, @vulpes-fennec ,@asnowfern,@mossytrashcan, @thelovelymadone, @the-lonelybarricade, @shadowriel, @separatist-apologist , @fieldofdaisiies, @stickyelectrons, @vanserrass, @panicatthenightcourt, @krem-does-stuff, @iftheshoef1tz, @damedechance, @headcanonheadcase, @cursebrkr, @andrigyn, @mossytrashcan, @thelovelymadone, @wilde-knight, @moonpatroclus, @stickyelectrons, @kataravimes-of-the-shire, @mossytrashcan, @sunshinebingo, @filthyglamdoll, @ablogofbipanic

[bonesandthebees]

BEE?!

Okay. So first of all, impeccable writing and absolutely gorgeous inner monologues. Wilbur's headspace actually improving and then BAM, you find a way to bring him back into that frenzy of overwhelming anxiety. It's written so so well.

Second, descriptions. Great body language, little notes of clothing mentioned and descriptions of eye contact, small smiles and glances exchanged meaning something more, it's all absolutely brilliant. Metaphors as gorgeous as ever and staying strong.

Third, holy shit bee you did not have to go so hard in the parallels. The amount of things which seem to mirror each other and the amount of resolution you bring, good or bad, through simple body language or singular dialogues is astounding. It's amazing.

Fourth, character descriptions and dynamics. Little quirks faked (cough, that was brutal), or genuine (Tommy poor kid), Techno and his subtle but very obvious tics, Phil and his contrasting words and actions. Very very interesting.

Anyway.

As much as I'd love to detail and completely spill, it's November and December deadline haze so I'm absolutely swamped with work and it's not going to happen as fast as I'd like. So I'll be slow!! And don't worry, I know you don't expect me to do these every time, but I enjoy it and find it relieving instead of slogging through Physics lmao

Brilliant writing, I can't wait to read what you put out next, and I can't wait to text wall (hopefully) soon!! Cheers!

Hugs and cookies,

- ❄️

Hi snowflake my beloved!!

Aaaa tysm for the compliments!! I always worry if I’m overusing the metaphors or not balancing thought process vs action enough so it means a lot to hear your kind words!! Also body language is SO important to me when writing. I want things to be extremely easy for my readers to visualize, so I try to include exactly what the characters are physically doing as well because it can tell you so much without words

What can I say I love parallels :) tysm tho aaaa

Phil’s contrasting words and actions is one of my favorite bits. It shows so much of his character without saying it outright. Very fun for me to balance

Oh noooo not deadline season!! Best of luck to you in your studies snowflake. If you have exams I’m sending you all the best energy so you can get through them. I believe in you!! Make physics your bitch!!

Cant wait to see your eventual text wall but no rush <3

[measuringbliss]

Spider-Man Read-Through 038: A Nova-stic Mystery (ASM 171, Nova v1 12)

MASTERPOST

Ooooh! Another murder mystery! Come along, let's figure this out, unlike last time.

So Nova, aka Rich Rider, goes to see his uncle, but he learns at the train station that the latter has been abducted by a being named Photon.

There's at least two reasons to not believe this Jason Dean. First off, we don't have proof (yet) that anything he says is true. Secondly... look at the clock in the upper middle panel. 2:15. Now look...

Wait... Huh?

See, the clock is very clearly put at the forefront here. But I read it as 3:30, not 2:30... But if Rich says it's 2:30... Okay, let's assume so. The drawing isn't clear, but let's believe it. My theory was that 1 hour and 15 minutes was enough to kill Rich's uncle and clean the crime scene, but I guess this is moot.

The police chief, Rich and Jason Dean go back to the house.

Well, that's certainly not suspicious at all!

What the heck are you doing here, tiger?

Turns out Connors recommended him to check out the uncle's library, and so Peter did. Photon appeared quickly after they talked for a bit.

They also make a special point to emphasize that the uncle was fond of wordplay and especially anagrams. Hm.

Rich calls his dad to explain the situation to him. When he returns to the parlor, Daze says he's still dazed (but call him Happy!) and Rich decides to change into his super-hero self, Nova.

Anyway, Spider-Man gets in his suit and spots someone running away. They fight, and the man lets out that he's happy that the uncle died. Oooh!

Nova spots Spidey and they have a little confrontation.

They get better.

Turns out the strange man was the uncle's lab assistant!

...Wait wait wait wait.

The next page involves the characters talking to each other and using their names... Anagrams.

For reasons hopefully clear enough, we won't include Peter in this little game.

I have no experience trying anagrams. Normal font: my attempt. Bold: The computer!

Harry Daze: Dear [Rahzy]. Solver inconclusive. Michael Lincoln: Nonchemical, conman Jason Dean: Solver inconclusive. Franklin Risk: Solver inconclusive.

... I'm bad at it, but I feel like Lincoln is the most probably culprit if there's truly a wordplay at bay... Although my solver only searched for singular words.

Let's continue.

Rider, aka the uncle, screamed at 2:25? Jason Dean met Photon at 15, so is it really possible? He arrives at the train station at 30...

Hmm, this is suspicious, but still. The butler suddenly interrupts them, then the suspicious Harry Daze "excuses himself". HMM.

Everyone leaves Nova and Peter alone, and then Photon is back! He declares that one of them saw Photon's true identity. Hmm, really?

What. It feels just as messy as a Murder, She Wrote plot.

I feel like it must be Daze, so that means I'm probably wrong.

Or not?

Time for another discussion! It becomes more and more clear that everybody wanted the uncle's research results for their own evil deeds--A.I.M., the maggia...

Well, who can it be?

Suddenly, the light switch is turned off! When it's back on, the police chief reveals that the butler died before saying who was the culprit. How convenient!

That's a fun way to do it!

And I'm not sure at this point. So let's check out ASM, shall we?

Hmm.

If everybody had disappeared, does it mean that they're all the culprit? Obviously, none of them wants bad press, but they may all be accomplices...

As he leaves to catch them, Nova thinks about the fact that the police chief left out a lot of things in his reports, notably the ties of each character to bad business, which I did notice, but can't quite decide on the meaning. I don't see how he could have killed the uncle if he's the police chief and was at his station the whole time. But he might have a lot of interest in keeping the ties to himself, if he wants to manipulate them later...

MEANWHILE: SLICE OF LIFE!

"I'd sooner die than put the woman I love in danger" HA. HA. HA. Oboy.

That man who wants to confront her, though... Could it be her brother? Raxton? The Molten Man? He's the one that immediately comes to mind. And the get up and footprints also seem to indicate as much.

The bad guys are all gathered in the lighthouse by the coast. Franklin Risk reveals he's the one who pulled the plug back at the house, as he wants to do business with those men.

The "Ms. Marvel" mentioned is Carol Danvers, by the way. Oh, I'm going to see The Marvels in a few hours actually! I'll tell y'all how it was. (Update: It was fun!)

Anyway, Spidey and Nova pay everyone a visit, but they're captured by Photon (and obviously, the suspects have disappeared).

The heroes escape and decide to recap what happened AGAIN. Dear Lord.

Yeah, I noticed the "shot" thing but wondered if it was just a script mistake. Spidey says Dean should have arrived quicker. I don't know. I did notice they said it was a miles away, but you know. Panic. Old vehicles. That kind of stuff.

So everybody gets back to the uncle's house...

Pretty panel.

Rich's dad arrived there! He's taken as hostage by Photon, but Nova jumps around everywhere and knocks Photon down.

OH MY FUCKING GOD. I KNEW IT. I KNEW THE CALENDARS WERE IMPORTANT. I KNEW THEY WAS LINKED TO THE ANAGRAM THING. I EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT DOING THAT EXACT THING.

But I just forgot about it. Oh my Goooooooooooooooooood...

So, I think it was an alright duo of issues, but the plot loses his way around its second half. It introduces too many motives, too many mishaps, a lot of empty talks... And it turns the clues used to discover the culprit's identity were things that showed up in the first three pages of this 40 pages story. I can see the scenarists having the basic clues figured out and needing to fill the rest to get the page quota. How disappointing! Well, it was still fun to try and figure out, and I do like the last clue.

The readers page tell us that WOTW was a popular character, and he came from one of Len Wein's fanzines. That's nice to know! Apparently, Marv Wolfman and Mark Hannerfeld begged him to include the character.

In the next post: White Tiger in SSM! I know her from Marvel Snap, the card game on mobile that has banger music. After that, Hitman's return (which no one asked for) in ASM, mystery villains in SSM, and finally, the Green Goblin's return in ASM to close this run!

I'll reserve my judgment for when I finish it, but so far, it's been sadly unsatisfying. The long plots are very intriguing and interesting, but the individual issues, not so much. I wonder how I'll even deal with that in my Recommendation post...

[official-semiramis]

reblog for RARE blushing Nightingale

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 5)

I'm back on my bullshit. I decided I'd post these, once a day, four days a week. Then I'll go on breaks for the weekend to let interested readers catch up while also further writing more entries. At the time I'm posting this, for example, I'm in the process of analyzing Chapter 39. That way, it's easier for everyone to enjoy this essay. Which I hope people do.

Anyway, this can finally truly be called a ship essay, because one of our key players has FINALLY developed feelings! Going forward, Natsume's behavior will heavily feature his growing affections for Mikan. We'll be analyzing Natsume's self-preserving hesitation as well as his immediate instinct to give up any chance he has from the get-go.

Chapter Seventeen

Natsume next shows up to walk into Class B during a commotion of Mikan’s retelling of the Reo incident. The kids all gather around him now too to ask questions and press about his condition. One kid even asks if he should teach Mikan a lesson for bragging about his rescue. Mikan smiles at him, under the assumption that their shared trauma has brought them closer and maybe even made them friends, but Natsume’s response is to simply turn away and ignore her.

He’s still Natsume after all. This is the first girl he’s ever liked, and she used to be somebody he despised, so the change in feelings is probably very strange to him. He’s confused and possibly embarrassed. He doesn’t know what to say or how to act.

Can't have her getting any ideas that he's completely changed his mind about her or anything.

Most of the people that Natsume likes at the school (although that is just Ruka and Youichi… so… you know) know that he likes them. He spends time with them, is gentle with them, does things for them, and can openly say kind things to and about them. Mikan is different. He used to be her number one enemy, so all of a sudden switching gears and becoming her friend would be quite odd.

Over time, Natsume will find ways to be gentle and sweet to Mikan, but for now his crush is brand new and he doesn’t know how to act quite yet. He’d rather avoid her entirely, or pretend like nothing happened, than openly approach his new feelings.

Furthermore his behavior is always and under all circumstances inseparable from his status as Persona’s favorite and as the Black Cat. He may have some loved ones, but he keeps the number low and tries to avoid getting close to people for a reason. Naturally, nobody could ever really understand his experiences so there will always be a divide between him and the rest of his peers, but even more than that is that considering people precious turns them into targets.

Natsume has probably learned the hard way that displaying closeness and affection for his friends can have dangerous effects, so he might now think of showing that kind of affection as selfish or even cruel. Why subject somebody to something like that, merely because he has feelings for them? It’s not fair.

In either case, it’s really not that Natsume is naturally mean and cold. He just doesn’t trust his situation enough to properly act. It’s safer in every way to just pretend like nothing changed. It’s too much to deal with otherwise. But sooner rather than later, the hard thing will be staying away. Eventually, maintaining coldness with her will be almost impossible.

Chapter Eighteen

This chapter further touches on Natsume’s new-found crush and its consequences.

Class B is used to being in an environment where Natsume hates Mikan and is bothered by everything she does. He gives in to her slightly, in small ways, and it shocks his classmates. Now, it’s understandable that, even if he hadn’t developed a crush on her, he might still be softer to a girl who risked her life to save him, but it’s still odd.

Mikan recalls asking Natsume for help training her alice. She needs an offensive alice to nullify, so Iinchou or Hotaru’s would be ineffectual in training. Natsume is really the best person to ask, and, to everyone’s surprise, he actually agrees to help.

Natsume doesn't need any convincing to help her, but what did she think practicing with a fire alice would entail?

And yes it does seem like he’s only doing it to torture her, because his alice is capable of genuine bodily harm and his admirers snicker with amusement at his antics, but I can’t help but assume there’s more to it.

He doesn’t really hesitate to help. He doesn’t need convincing at all. In some ways I think he did genuinely want to help. Her alice helped save his life, after all. Why not repay the favor by using his alice to help her train? To him, there's a lot of value in her alice, so training it is beneficial in his perspective as well.

And later still, Mikan spots Natsume sitting amongst the principal students. He stands out, as an elementary student next to upperclassmen. This moment is a good introduction to the arc. His crush on Mikan only grows stronger as the festival goes on, but there’s something looming over him too--he’s different from the rest of them. He stands out so much during the festival. He’s a dangerous ability type who’s not allowed to participate while also being a principal who has to sit on the stage for the opening ceremony. That's horribly ironic, but also shows just how singled out and under the spotlight he is. It’s a huge part of why he acts the way he does, so cold and mean and distant despite his growing affections. It’s all he can do.

He may see potential for a future, but he’d be foolish to think he should be able to acquire it, because his current circumstances have not changed at all.

The chapter ends with Natsume being asked by Koko if he wants to try out the special ability class event. He’s looking towards the special ability area, and we can tell the next chapter will be fun.

Chapter Nineteen

And how!

Natsume is here to see Ruka, his best friend, but he’s also here to catch a glimpse of the girl he has a crush on.

Sumire is also there, and it’s interesting to see that Natsume hasn’t changed in his attitude around her either, even though she also helped save him. She tries to embrace him and he dodges her.

This catches some people’s attention and they start to whisper about his presence.

In the anime, this moment is a bit more potent, hearing the murmurs and seeing a darkness over the gossiping kids, but the manga still establishes that the people waiting in line are by-and-large unhappy to see him. They whisper amongst themselves, rudely asking why he’d bother to come here, but that gloom only lasts for a moment (one singular panel and then Natsume’s responding bitterness) before Mikan appears jumping over the wall, calling his name and even smiling.

It’s almost like she was waiting for him to show up, running off from her post the second she heard Natsume was there. The dark looming screentones are replaced with flowery ones, and it’s hard not to think of this as his perspective: all is gloomy and then there is Mikan. All of a sudden, after hating her for so long, he thinks of her as bright sunshine, and he must have showed up just to see her and feel nice for a change.

It's Natsume seeing Mikan through floral-filter lenses for me...

Of course, he ruins the mood. It feels almost as if he does it solely because he knows it will upset her. She was so excited to see him, and he manages to completely turn her mood from eager to angry, just the opposite of how she was able to unwittingly turn his mood from gloomy to... as close to content as he can get.

He’s okay now. He doesn’t want her getting any ideas.

Now, in my opinion, his method of bothering her could be anything and the plot would remain the same. What matters is that he wants to piss her off, and this just so happens to be the way he does it, partially because it’s intended to be funny. Mikan has to get angry at him for this chapter to progress the way it does, but his actions could have been replaced by any other irritating action and it could’ve gone the same way.

Tsubasa then appears, drawn to the sound of a loud commotion. He sees Natsume and vaguely wonders why he’s there. Everyone knows Natsume, at all grade levels, because he’s famous. For Tsubasa, whose only real knowledge of Mikan’s relationship with the kid is that he causes trouble in Class B, it would be strange to see him at the RPG.

Natsume, meanwhile, has no idea who Tsubasa is. Seeing Mikan crawl all over her senpai, seeing him easily comfort her, is something that bugs Natsume. He glares at Tsubasa, somebody whose name he doesn’t even know, and then starts leaving with Ruka.

At first, Tsubasa is confused to be treated like this, until he hugs Mikan tighter and sees both Natsume and Ruka turn in jealousy. Tsubasa gets it immediately. Thus begins a strange and tumultuous frenemy relationship between Tsubasa and Natsume, where they both begrudgingly understand each other while also irritating each other beyond belief.

Natsume is not interested in playing the game, insulting it and wondering how anyone could get hooked on it. Ultimately, it’s not even Mikan who convinces him to give it a shot; it’s Tsubasa taunting him, “then you should be able to win, no problem, right?”

Tsubasa will come to regret saying this, because the answer is yes.

The RPG is designed to be tough. Nobody has won the whole game yet. Beating one or two students is one thing, but being able to outsmart or outmaneuver the entire special ability class is a difficult feat.

Natsume agrees to play, and gets a robot cockroach as a weapon.

Tsubasa is hugging Mikan as Natsume is about to enter, and that pisses him off even more. He decides that Tsubasa will be his slave, his motive being get your hands off her. This is silly considering that just a short time ago, Natsume hated Mikan. His feelings really did a 180.

The challenges pick up in difficulty as he goes on. The first one is effortless. He doesn’t even move from where he’s standing. The mirror-alice girl just freaks out about the cockroach and sends him on his way after two seconds.

The next one is trickier, and Natsume will need to put in more effort than just standing and waiting for the cockroach to do its job. But not that much effort. He sits next to Megane, lights a fire, and waits. It’s a scorching flame, and although Megane tries to tough it out, he gives in with two seconds to spare. Natsume, a smartass, quips sarcastically that he’s sorry--he really can’t tell how hot it is. (This is not actually important or anything, it’s just interesting that Natsume is not affected by his own flames and can’t feel the heat of them. I might end up referring to this a couple times.)

With the exception of the first and last challenges, Natsume uses his alice to beat the maze; either by heating Megane up so his soul goes back into his body, or by writing with fire instead of chalk. The next challenge is the one Natsume has been waiting for and he’ll use his alice here too.

Tsubasa is shocked to find Natsume has progressed so quickly, but he proceeds with the challenge: Natsume has to touch him in thirty seconds, but it’ll be tricky ‘cause he’s held in place by his shadows. He toys with Natsume’s shadows a bit, which really pisses Natsume off. Tsubasa even apologizes nervously, even though he’s the one in control. Or he is, until Natsume uses his alice again and gets rid of the shadows.

Natsume’s anger towards Tsubasa all stems from jealousy. It’s not just that Tsubasa was hugging and comforting Mikan, it’s that he can. Natsume needs to distance himself from Mikan in order to keep her safe, and he’s aware of that right from the start, but there’s more to it. He’s busy establishing himself as an enemy to Mikan, doing things to bother her to make her angry with him, but nobody rushes to their bully for comfort, and Natsume knows this. It’s not just that Tsubasa was hugging Mikan; it’s that he feels like he will never get the chance.

And so the next and final challenge is where he gets to be selfish.

Mikan is aggravated to see him, obviously not thrilled that he was able to make it in such a short time. Her task is that he has to get her off the carpet in thirty seconds. He can’t hurt her or force her off the carpet, and because of their alice training together, he can’t use his alice on her either. (They’d apparently practiced so much that she was able to sharpen her skills significantly. Before, her alice was a wildcard and she struggled with using it, but now she’s able to use it with relative ease. That’s a lot of training in a short time, and I’m sure Natsume wasn’t upset at all the time they had to spend together as a result.)

Natsume must feel relief regarding Mikan's nullification alice. She's nullified his alice in pretty big ways already, one time to save his life. The girl he's crushing on is capable of turning off the thing that decreases his lifespan. She really is a breath of fresh air, in more ways than one, and his appreciation for her alice, even if he doesn't voice it, will only grow. This is important, but I'll talk way more about this in the other POV.

He tries the cockroach, but she’s a country girl and unaffected.

Natsume is genuinely stumped by her challenge, admitting to himself that it’s a tough one. He then comes up with a risky idea, no doubt influenced by her rescue of him when they were kidnapped by Reo. He plays sick. This act only works if Mikan falls for it and is concerned enough to jump off the carpet, but he’s a good actor on account of all the sick experience he has and she does fall for it in no time. Her being concerned was a given.

She jumps off, meaning he’s won the game, but that’s not enough of a victory for him. He acts sick until she’s closer, so he can grab her and put his arm around her. Yes, he calls her an idiot, but this is the closest he can get to a hug… for now. It doesn’t matter that she’s annoyed and dismayed that he won. All he cares about is that he got to touch her.

She jumped down. He won already, but it's not enough! (Also sorry about two pictures. If it ruins the format, oh well.)

Natsume was jealous that Tsubasa got to do something he thinks he'll never be able to, and so he got a taste of what he wanted some other, convoluted way. He gets angry that Tsubasa is so touchy, but that's only because he wishes he could be touchy too. Natsume will get bolder and bolder with his physical affection, because he will want more and more to show it. When he starts being honest about this affection, she will be more eager to return it.

Natsume is the first winner, and Tsubasa admits it was never expected for somebody to be able to pass all the challenges. Part of the appeal is that it’s an unbeatable game, but Natsume’s feelings of jealousy and spite were enough to get him over the finish line. Though perhaps knowing it's beatable but only one person could is also appealing. It's possible to pass, but very rare for somebody to be able to, so they can draw in crowds by capitalizing on kids who want to the next person to beat the game.

He gets to choose a lamp, but he has no idea which one is whose. He cheats by asking Koko to tell him which one is the right one, but he ends up picking Mikan’s, because Koko assumed that’s the one he wanted. After all--Natsume was thinking about her. Natsume is lucky that Mikan was too anguished at being a slave to care about Natsume thinking about her, but it’s interesting to know that even when he’s supposed to be angry at Tsubasa, he was only thinking of Mikan.

Chapter Twenty

This chapter’s premise is pretty simple and light: Natsume can’t think of any use for Mikan other than to follow him and Ruka around the festival and carry their stuff. They navigate the technical ability class area and even encounter Hotaru, though only for a short time because she’s quite busy.

Most importantly, their time in the technical area makes Mikan insecure. Everyone in the tech class seems to know what they want to do with their lives, with their alices being perfect for research or creation. I’ll go into more detail with this during Mikan’s essay, but it’s important to note that Mikan asks the people around her if they’re prepared for their future only to see that they all are. Hotaru, Sumire, and even Ruka all have dreams for the future, even if Ruka won’t share his. Natsume has decided to leave the conversation and we don’t hear what his dream is, which makes sense because he doesn’t have one. Natsume doesn’t think he’ll live long enough to graduate, so why even bother wasting his own time and getting his hopes up for something unattainable?

It’s then revealed that Ruka is also a triple, and Mikan can’t tell, but the mood has been soured for Ruka. His triple-star status is a touchy subject that he’s unhappy with. His star rank is representative of Natsume’s suffering and he doesn’t like talking about it. He only says that he didn’t mention it because he didn’t get it on his own talent or effort before Natsume forces Mikan to walk in another direction, claiming to be hungry.

This is literally just a scan of the TokyoPop version, which is better than the other version I see floating around.

He can tell Ruka is uncomfortable and is ready to step in so that his friend can feel better.

As a result, they end up at the cafe where Anna is working (after all, Mikan has been perfecting her puppy-dog eyes routine and I think both Ruka and Natsume are affected, even if the latter would never admit it).

Natsume takes the first bite of Anna’s hell pie, just to see a rot demon (or whatever that thing is) taunt him about the trouble his stomach will be in soon. He really doesn’t have a choice but to throw the tea over the pie. Ruka is grateful, but Mikan is outraged at how rude Natsume is acting, and even angrier when Natsume explains that the pie was horrible. She demands he apologize but Natsume simply walks away, content to be the bad guy because he saved his friends from getting food poisoning while also sparing Anna’s feelings and reputation at her cafe.

"Your stomach will writhe" is such a potent threat. I feel sick just looking at that demon/scoundrel/rot thing.

This scene has more substance than in the anime. In the episode, Natsume sees the rotten scoundrel (or WHATEVER IT IS) before he can take a bite. He tosses the tea for all their sakes and ultimately nobody is hurt. But here, in the manga, Natsume has already taken a bite. We see the missing part of the pie, the residue on the fork. Natsume is already screwed. He's going to have food poisoning from Anna's pie, and he still puts her feelings before his own. He'd rather say that the pie is terrible according to his own tastes than to let everyone around know that she made such a health-risking mistake. He drenches the pie so that Mikan and Ruka don't get food poisoning, even if it's too late for him. Natsume leaves, knowing he will look like an asshole, AND with stomach problems on top of that, but at least he's the only one who will be seriously hurt.

This is a pretty insignificant example of a trait that we have seen before with Natsume but haven't really fully explored. It's going to play a major role for the rest of the manga, because Natsume has something of a martyr complex, where he is quick to sacrifice himself because he sees little to no value in his own happiness. This is a small example, and I'm not saying it's not kind of him, but there are consequences with his line of thinking. He's fine with looking like an asshole to protect people, or giving up things he wants so someone else can have it, or blowing himself up so two girls can escape safely. Whenever there's a chance to sacrifice himself, Natsume will take it every single time.

This may seem noble or romantic or admirable but it's not healthy at all. The way he was raised (no shade to Papa Hyuuga and Kaoru but also.... tentatively side-eyeing them for putting so much responsibility on him) and the way he is now tortured by the school has put him in a position where his self esteem is horribly low. This complex of his results in suicidal tendencies, even after he falls in love with Mikan (and even exacerbated by that love). For Natsume, love is sacrifice. He simply cannot love without feeling like he has to give something up. Ideally, he would grow out of this and maybe start seriously choosing himself sometimes. It's not evil to want yourself to be happy and to choose your own well-being, even if it occasionally makes others sad or upset.

In the context of the actual story though, we have yet another glimpse of a complex that will cause a LOT of trouble down the road for Natsume and Mikan.

Conclusion

Natsume has new feelings for Mikan and is having trouble navigating them. They will cause even more trouble in the next essay. We also touched more on Natsume's self-sacrificing tendencies and how devastating they will turn out to be. These tendencies will be consistent and persistent throughout the manga in regards to NatsuMikan's relationship, and cause more problems. These problems will pop up a bit in the next part, so stay tuned!

Also, small note: I call him Ruka and not Luca because I got used to it after watching the anime and through scans and fanfics. I heard his name pronounced that way and at first thought it was a Japanese name so I simply copied the pronunciation. When I found out it was supposed to be Luca, I'd already been using Ruka for a while. I don't really want to switch to using Luca most of the time because I know people in real life named Luca/Luka and I talk enough about GA on the daily where it might feel strange to me. I use Luca sometimes when I'm talking to others who prefer it, but Ruka is what I'm used to. I hope this isn't frustrating, but understand that I pronounce Killua's name (from HxH) like "Ki-ru-a" as well and in my head "Gakuen Alice" is pronounced "Gakuen Arisu" because I pronounce things based on what I hear when watching the anime ;-; These are things I have no real desire to change because they sound right to me. I'm sorry. (Nobody has said anything or complained, and this is not a vague or anything like that! I just wanted to say that I know it's supposed to be Luca and it's not my intention to be disrespectful when I pronounce/spell it Ruka. I am fucking crazy, but I am free.)

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[just-another-ficwriter]

Cruel Summer - Part Four

Pairing: Sweet Pea x Reader

Words: 4100ish

Warnings: Angst, betrayal, underage drinking, mentions of sexuality

Summary: The idea of a peaceful, relaxing weekend at the Lodge Cabin is shattered when Cheryl reveals the true depth of yours and Sweet Pea’s past.

Notes: This has to be the longest thing I’ve ever written haha! But finally the truth is out and we get a reader/Sweet Pea kiss, even if it is only a flashback!

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes and if I bleed, you’ll be the last to know.

“Absolutely not.” There's a defiance in your voice but the will in Ronnie's eyes is stronger and something tells you, you won't win this fight.

You should know better than to argue with Veronica Lodge.

“It’ll be fun!” You choked back an empty laugh, her idea of fun was far from yours.

“It’s not happening.” You arch an eyebrow but she's too distracted by Katy returning to the table with your coffee order to reply back.

“What’s not happening?” Katy looks between the two of you and an uneasy feeling settles in your stomach.

“Y/N is refusing to come this weekend.” She smirks in triumph knowing she has you trapped, but it weavers slightly at the dangerous game she's pulled you all in to.

“It won’t be the same without you!” It makes you feel guilty and you force yourself to take a sip of your drink just to avoid her gaze, the liquid burning your throat. "You have to come!”

“And play ninth wheel to your couples get away? No thank you.” You defend yourself with a lie, anything to get out of spending a weekend away trapped with the real reason you don't want to go. You just can't stand the thought of being stuck with your ex for a whole weekend.

“You won’t be, Fangs is coming to.” Veronica offers, as if she suddenly feels a little regretful and is trying to make up for it.

“And who knows, maybe you and him...” Katy lightly knocks your knee with hers, her voice trailing off with a thick sense of suggestion.

You laugh unexpectedly. "He’s gay.”

“He’s bi.” She counters, before slapping her palms together and placing them under her chin, pleading with you. “Please! We aren’t taking no for an answer!”

“Fine!” You roll your eyes, deflating back into your chair. "Fine, I give in.”

Ronnie sips from her cup smuggly. “I knew you would.”

“But I’m only agreeing to coming along-“ You ball up your napkin, throwing it in their direction with another laugh. "And not anything to do with Fangs Fogarty.”

-

The next four days pass by in a blur and the weekend arrives much quicker than you anticipated. It takes everything in you to pack, but once you cram everything into your small suitcase you start to feel better.

Maybe a weekend away wouldn’t be so bad after all.

But as you stand in Veronica’s apartment, attempting small talk with Cheryl and Toni you feel your heart rate quicken with every passing second.

You expertly avoid every side ways glance Sweet Pea throws your way, ignoring him to a point that you don’t even pay enough attention to the car ride debate until it’s too late.

“Y/N’s with me, right?” Your mouth opens and shuts but no words come out as every pair of eyes fall on you. You’re completely clueless to what’s going on and Katy takes your silence as agreement. “Then that’s settled, Y/N and Fangs will ride with me and Nate.”

Your eyes widen briefly before you’re forcing a smile, Katy’s arm looping through yours. Betty immediately senses you’re discomfort and mouths you an apology but it’s too late. Veronica’s already insisting Betty and Jug are in Archie’s car with her and Cheryl’s complaining that her and Toni have to split up.

You claim Toni before anyone can say otherwise but nobody argues, only Cheryl with a slight huff.

You fold yourself between her and Fangs in the back seats of the car, and they try to distract you from the awkward tension that grows thicker with each second.

Fangs sings badly along to songs on the radio that makes you all laugh, Toni fills the time with stories of her wedding while Katy seems blissfully unaware of it all.

And for one quick passing moment everything feels okay again. You suddenly find yourself suppressing a laugh at the thought.

You felt stupid. You’d been stupid. You were about to spend a weekend away with your closet friends, all the people you loved and there was nothing that could ruin that.

But then Katy reaches over for Sweet Pea’s hand, and while he links his fingers with hers, his eyes meet yours in the rearview mirror and you realise you know better to think things could be that easy.

Your whole body tenses and Fangs must have sensed something was wrong because he’s immediately pulling you into him and mumbling so lowly only you can hear. “You okay?”

You don’t trust your voice so you just nod, burying your face in his shoulder as you squeeze your eyes shut.

Everything’s just fine. You think. But you can still feel Sweet Pea’s gaze hot on your skin.

-

“Welcome to Lodge Lodge!” Veronica beams, arms stretched up in the air to show off the cabin. You watch the faces of those who hadn’t been here before light up at the sight.

“V this is insane.” Katy’s eyes are wide as her gaze flickers between your home for the weekend and the surrounding scenery. You remember your own reaction the first time Ronnie had ever brought you here, and the way you’d marvelled over the stretches of water and the greenery that seemed to go on for miles.

You grabbed your luggage, walking the opposite way to everyone else, their voices becoming background noise as they retreated in side. You took a deep breath, shoulders falling as you exhaled and took in the views.

You imagined yourself swimming in the lake, the glistening water washing over you or disappearing into the tree line on a peaceful walk, the thought instantly making your body relax.

“Let me.” You jump when you hear Fangs’ voice behind you but smile when you turn to face him.

He grins back, arm already reaching for your suitcase to help you bring it inside. “My hero.”

He laughs at the way you playfully roll your eyes and at your hand that covers your chest as you pretend to swoon.

By the time you finally head inside nearly everyone’s gone their separate ways except Sweet Pea and Archie who are pouring drinks in the kitchen under Ronnie’s command while she waits for you.

“There you two are.” Playing along with Katy’s match making, she gives you a knowing smirk. “We thought you’d got lost.”

“Just admiring the views.” You narrow your eyes at her briefly before taking in rustic feel of the living room. “Can you remember the last time we were all here together?”

“Spring break senior year, you got us lost in the woods.” The words slip from Sweet Pea’s mouth without so much as a second thought and when your eyes meet his in shock, he looks just as surprised as you at his answer.

You don’t have time to notice the way the other three awkwardly glance at each other before Ronnie’s clearing her throat and ushering you towards the stairs. “Well then on that note, I’ll show you two to your room.”

“Room?” You choke on the word, cheeks reddening at what you hope is a mistake. “As in singular?”

“Didn’t I mention that?” She faux innocence, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth to stop her from laughing but you don’t miss the way Archie’s shoulders move up and down in a silent chuckle.

“C’mon sweetheart.” Fangs drapes an arm over your shoulders and places an unexpected kiss to your temple before you can argue. “It’ll be fun.”

Nobody notices the way Sweet Pea glares after the two of you.

-

It was past midnight when you make your way outside, the cool summer breeze sending a shiver down your spine.

The board games had been left to one side, Katy and Veronica had playfully fought over the last cocktail while Archie promised to do the alcohol run first thing in the morning and when everyone had disappeared for the night you found yourself tossing and turning next to a passed out Fangs until you couldn’t take it anymore.

You freeze when you see a shadowy figure in the distance but release a breath of relief when you start to make out Jughead’s features.

“Hey Juggie.” You smile softly as you slip into the hot tub next to him, the bubbles warm against your skin.

“You haven’t called me Juggie since High School.” Your sudden presence startled him before he smiles back, an eyebrow raised in curiosity.

“Guess I’ve been thinking about back then a lot.” You admit with a simple shrug. It felt good to say it out load to someone who wasn't Betty.

“It can’t be easy.” He pauses briefly, gaging your reaction before he gets straight to the point. "Being around Sweet Pea.”

You sigh, sinking further into the water until your shoulders are fully submerged. "You can say that again.”

“You know if it helps, when Sweet Pea lied to you... when he broke things off-“ He cuts himself off and you can tell by the look on his face he's considering his next words carefully. You already know whatever he's about to say won't help at all. "It broke him too.”

“I’m not sure how that’s meant to help, no offence Jug.” There's a harshness in your voice that you don't mean, as your eyes refuse to met his. You focus on the water, running your hands through the bubbles and after a few more beats of silence he shakes his head.

“I don’t know, maybe I thought it would give you some closure, stop the awkwardness.”

You can’t help but laugh, the sound humourless and unexpected. You laugh until your chest hurts, until you’re sure you’re about to cry and then it stops as sudden as it started. Jughead stares at you like you might be losing it, maybe you have finally started to crack. “Well thank you.”

“I should go before Betty comes looking for me.” He looks at you like he isn’t sure he should leave you alone, but you can tell he’s desperate to get away as he climbs out.

“Bye Juggie.” He says his goodbyes, leaning down to kiss your forehead, his friendliness old and comforting, and it makes you glad you have such great people in you life. You listen to his footsteps fade away until you hear them padding back again. “What did you forget now Jug?”

“I uh, I’m not Jughead.” Your head snaps up at sound of the new voice to see Sweet Pea awkward staring back, a hand scratching the back of his head.

“Oh Sweets-“ You quickly jump up, a panic in your voice as you want nothing more than to be anywhere else right now. But you regret it immediately when his eyes fall to your bare skin, and you're suddenly grateful that the blush raising up your cheeks is hidden by the dim light. "I was actually just heading to bed.”

“Don’t leave on my account.” You ignore the part of you that he makes feel guilty, the part of you that wants to stay as you turn away from him.

“I’m not I just- damn it.” You close your eyes in frustration and once you open them again he's staring at you with an eyebrow quirked and a small smirk. "Jug must have stolen my towel.”

“Here take mine.” He wraps it around your shoulders before you have a chance to protest, his hands lingering on the material as he holds it tightly around you.

You don’t say anything, you just start at him silence and for a second you swear you see his gaze flick down to your lips and back, but the action is so fast you can’t tell if you imagined it or not. Your heart beats so fast in your chest you’re afraid he might hear it amongst the quiet of the night.

After what feels like a lifetime you’re the first one to finally look away.

“Good night Sweet Pea.” You whisper, stepping back away from him, leaving his arms to swing at his sides.

“Night Y/N.” You barely hear him as you turn away and run inside.

-

"Blackjack!" Betty shouts a little too loudly, laying her cards down so she can clap in excitement. Her cheeks are flushed from the alcohol and you can't help but laugh at the tipsy blonde as she giggles back.

"This is boring!" Cheryl rolls her eyes in frustration, throwing her own cards across the table. "Can we play a real game now?"

"What like monopoly or scrabble?" Cheryl narrows her eyes in annoyance but Jug just smirks back proudly, his remark earning several laughs from around the room.

"I was thinking more like..." She drums her fingers against her chin as she pretends to think but there's a smile already growing on her lips. "Truth or dare."

Jughead scoffs in defiance, claiming the game is stupid but it only takes Betty a few seconds and a playful peck to the cheek to change his mind and then you're all gathering in a circle.

You mentally prepare yourself for what ever might come your way, sipping a little too quickly at your wine. Your eyes meet Sweet Pea's across the table and you wonder if he's thinking about the same thing you are, the scene around you painfully familiar.

-

Sweet Pea watches the beer bottle spin around and around at what feels like an agonisingly slow pace. He hadn't wanted to play the stupid game in the first place but Fangs had dragged him to the table and when the first spin has landed on him, he'd felt a small thrill of excitement.

He switched his gaze from the spinning object to you as you giggled at something Veronica whispered in your ear, a hushed secret that had you both staring back at him.

He wanted the bottle to land on you, he was practically willing it to stop at this point.

It had been exactly two weeks since he'd walked you home from Pop's and he'd kicked himself about the way he'd pulled back every time he'd seen you in the school hallway. He'd been anxious, unbelievably nervous. His feelings for you scared him, he was worried he wasn't good enough, afraid you would leave him like everyone else had.

But then the bottle stopped on you, and the grin you gave him was enough to make all his doubts fade away. He could barely form a sentence when Betty pushed you over to him and you took his hand, leading him to the closet as those around you cheered. His heart rate accelerated when he heard the key turn in the lock, trapping you both inside for the next seven minutes.

"We don't have to do anything, if you don't want to..." The look you gave him made his chest ache.

"I want to." The words slipped off his tongue, even he was surprised by his honesty but once he started he couldn't stop. "I should have kissed you that night."

A heavy silence follows and he wonders if he's gone too far. Had he read it all wrong?

But then you take two steps towards him, your bodies now practically touching in the small confined space. You let out a shaky breath, and he picks up the smell of alcohol as it fans over his face. "Then what are you waiting for?"

He's not sure, he thinks and now his heart is beating so fast it's almost hurts. His eyes drop to your lips, he's never wanted something so much in his life.

He closes the gap between you with a hand placed on your cheek and you hum at the touch, a sound he automatically falls in love with and wants to hear again.

He isn't sure who moves in first, maybe you got impatient, maybe he was just too eager to know how you tasted but when your lips finally meet his he swears it's something he'll never forget. It starts off soft, so gentle yet it's as if it steals every ounce of air from his lungs.

It takes him a few seconds to pull himself together, but then he grabs your waist, pulling you closer so your flush against his chest. He's suddenly hyper aware that you're being time and it makes him a little sad. He doesn't want this to end.

Especially when you thread your fingers through his hair and you let him push you back against the wall. When you eventually break away you stare at him with wild eyes, hands still around his shoulders and he tries to make out what you're thinking.

"You wanna get out of here? Split a milkshake at Pop's?" You suggest, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth as you wait for a reply l.

"That's the best thing I've heard all day." He laughs, linking your fingers with his. "Well that, and 'who wants to play Seven Minutes In Heaven'."

-

You push away the memory. It's not something you want to think about now, or ever as you force yourself to focus on the current game.

You watch as Cheryl picks off everyone, one by one. Toni proudly knocks back three tequila shots while secretly praying she doesn't throw up, Fangs admits to the weirdest place he's ever had sex and the red head even has Betty confessing whether she thinks Archie is a good kisser or not despite the disapproving looks given from both Veronica and Jughead.

You should have known then, that Cheryl Blossom was out for blood.

"Y/N, truth or dare?" She turns to you with a sickly sweet smile but there's a devilish glint in her eyes that you could spot a mile away.

You know better than to pick truth, you aren't that stupid. Besides, eight out of nine of the people in front of you already knew all of your secrets including the ones you're so desperately trying to hide now. You're almost positive you've caught her out when you make your choice. "Dare."

"I dare you to tell Katy the truth about your past with Sweet Pea." Her smile never wavers as she stares you down, it feels like she’s just punched you in the stomach. Archie chokes on his drink, Betty gasps so loud you can hear it over his coughing and Veronica's already making her way to Katy. Sweet Pea doesn't know where to look as Toni elbows Cheryl in the ribs while Jug and Fangs are instantly at your sides ready to stop you from pouncing at her.

"What's she talking about?" The confusion in Katy's voice breaks your heart and you find yourself digging your fingernails into your thighs.

"It's nothing." You answers too quickly, eyes wide and cheeks red, it’s blatantly obvious you’re lying.

"It's obviously something!" Katy snaps, she can feel the weight of everyone’s eyes on her but they all refuse to meet her gaze.

"Y/N and I used to date." Once it’s out there Sweet Pea know he can’t take it back, it hangs in the air like a ticking time bomb. He looks at you but you’re facing away from him, hands wiping away the tears that have already started to spill.

"Three years is a long time just to date." You're ready to lunge at Cheryl and wipe the smug smirk off her face but Fangs holds a tight grip on your forearm as he warns Toni to get her out of there.

Katy watches them leaving, trying to understand what’s going on before she turns back. She stares downwards, eyes glistening with tears, too scared to know the truth. “Tell me she's lying."

Your shaking when you stand up, hands trembling when you reach out to her. You’re so desperate to make it all go away but she steps back. You aren’t sure if you’ve ever seen her look so betrayed. “It was a long time ago, we were just kids-"

"Was he the guy?" It all clicks into place for her, her voice cracking as she cuts you off. She inhales sharply, lifting her shoulders before she speaks with more force, more anger. “The guy who broke your heart before college? The one you cried to me about!"

You stand there like an idiot, wanting to comfort her, to make her realise that Sweet Pea will never come between the two of you. “Yes but-"

"You lied to my face!” She screams with an accusing finger pointed straight at you. You’re both crying now as Katy looks at each of the faces of the people who are meant to be her closest friends. “And all of you knew."

Sweet Pea rushes to her side, mumbling words you can’t hear, bugging her to understand but she slams her hands into his chest, shoving him back with all the force she can manage.

"I can't trust any of you." She chokes out before walking away, leaving everyone speechless in the aftermath.

-

You spend the rest of the night and the whole of Sunday locked away in your room, thankful when Fangs agrees to hide away with you and only leaves to get food.

You can't bring yourself to face anyone, pretending to be asleep or in the shower every time some knocks on your door. You know you need to speak to Katy, to make things right but every time you build up the courage you hear her and Sweet Pea arguing down the hallway and you quickly change your mind.

Even at 3am, when you sneak out for a glass of water hoping everyone else is sound asleep you can't escape the guilt. You find Sweet Pea sprawled out on the sofa, his long legs dangling over the arm and soft snores escaping his parted lips.

The whole weekend had been ruined.

This time there's no debate on who gets to ride home together. Katy refuses to even look at you or Sweet Pea and states she'll be switching places with Cheryl leaving you stuck with both the smug red head and your ex.

The goodbyes are awkward, a tension surrounds the group before you all break apart. Cheryl insists she sits in the front, her red boots up on the dash bored, taking full control of the radio and Sweet Pea just grunts, too tired to argue. Nobody speaks, even Cheryl and Toni aren't talking properly and the silence is almost painful.

The couple are first to leave the car, Cheryl's smile growing wide as she claims she had fun before bouncing away. You sit on your hands so you aren't tempted to hit out at her, even at 25 she's still the Sam manipulative, entitle rich kid she'd been at high school and you wonder if she'll ever change. Toni mumbles her apologies, embarrassed by her wife’s actions until she's gone too and then there's only three of you.

The ten minutes it takes to get to your apartment feel like a life time and when you eventually pull over its only Fangs that says goodbye before they're driving off again and leaving you at the road side.

You feel slightly better when you’re in your apartment, being confided with in the four walls gives you some sense of comfort. But it doesn’t shift the unsettled feeling in your chest.

You know you need to speak to Katy, you just have no idea what you should say. You spend hours walking around your flat, trying to find anything that would distract you as you replay the weekend over in your head. You think about what was said, what should have been said and when you’ve just typed and deleted your six text to your best friend there’s a knock on your door.

It makes you jump and you think about whether or not to answer it but the knocking just gets more and more persistent until you can’t ignore it anymore and decide to just unlock it.

“Hi.” Sweet Pea stands there sheepishly, gaze down on the floor, a bag slung over his shoulder. “Can I come in?”

Sweet Pea Masterlist

Forever Taglist: @p-marie-sp

Cruel Summer Taglist: @t-a-i-l-o-r-m-a-d-e @luvlilreinhart @intoxicatedsixx @yall-wildin-like-siriusly @shembonzi

Sweet Pea Taglist: @80sand90simagine @wildberryyyy @hopelesslylosttheway

[hwas-housewife]

Okay you're closing the game tomorrow and I can't lose this chance to request for sannie kdnwhdnsns so San + prompt 24 + au prompt 21 + and you can choose how it goes, I'm sure you'll make a PIECE OF ART love ya beautiful 🥺

Prompt: “Stay the night. Please.” + Best Friend AU

Word count: ~2k

Genre: Fluff + angst

Warnings: undertones of a toxic relationship

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: ok wow this ended up sadder than I was originally going for so I am so sorry. I tried to bring it back to being okay by the end but I really don’t know how much I actually like the results, so I hope you like it still!

(also sorry it’s been so long since I put anything out)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your phone vibrated as the violent ringtone of your best friend screaming pierced the air. You can fully blame San for recording and changing it in the first place. However, you keeping it the clip of him screaming bloody murder into a mic was entirely your fault. 

Reading the caller ID, you sighed as your boyfriend’s name was spelled out in big letters. 

“Don’t tell me it’s that prick you call your boyfriend,” San’s insult didn’t even phase you. They never had gotten along quite well. And you were sure that him calling–again–was getting on San’s nerves the longer the phone was screaming. 

“It’ll only be a minute, Sannie. I promise,” you apologetically looked at him and grabbed your phone, heading for the outside of your best friend’s room. 

You were sure San mumbled out some more profanities while he paused the movie and you finished closing the door. Standing in the dark hallway, you took one more breath before pressing your thumb to the ‘answer’ button.

“Why haven’t you been answering my texts? God, I was so worried for you,” your boyfriend almost sounded sincere over the phone.

“I’m watching a movie. I told you it was best friend night,” your voice sounded weaker than you intended, “like every Thursday night,” the whisper left your lips with immediate regret.

“Oh, how could I forget. Thursday night. Of course! It’s not like you spend every single day with him anyway. Yet you can’t spare your boyfriend a text back when he’s concerned for you,” the sarcasm in his words hurt more than a boyfriend’s words should.

“I wasn’t looking at my phone, I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? An apology is all I get for the panic I’ve been feeling for the past hour. He could’ve tried something on you within that time and I would have no idea. Do you even know what’s been going through my head? You can be so oblivious sometimes.”

You hated it when he gets like this. He has always disproved of your friendship with San since day one. You just figured that a year and a half into the relationship that he wouldn’t be so reluctant to let you hang out with San.

“I’ve told you before, we’ve been bes–,” he cut you off before you could even finish.

“Best friends since first grade, so he would never try anything on me. You say that every time and yet I know what he’s actually like. The second he gets you far enough away from me, he’s going to take advantage of you. Just watch,” his voice was loud and aggressive and it was starting to freak you out. But you weren’t going to let him insult your best friend right in front of you.

“San would never do that. He’s a good person. How dare you accuse him of something so vile,” you spit the words out, venom in your voice. You were glad neither of the men could see you right now. Your hand holding the phone to your ear was shaking and tears threatened to spill out your eyes.

“Or is that something you’re hoping to happen? Is that why you get so defensive? Oh, I bet it is. You probably already are doing that. That’s why you haven’t been answering me. You were too busy with your hands,” he takes a pause, waiting to see if you’re going to build off his anger. 

However, you were still, frozen in shock. Your boyfriend just accused you of cheating on him with your childhood best friend. You. San. Cheating? You almost laughed at the absurdity of the situation. 

“What? No words? I guess that’s what happens when you get called out. I just can’t believe it took me this long to figure out. I mean, I’ve always had my suspicions but I thought you were too much of a goody-two-shoes to actually do it. I guess the guys were right, girls like you look innocent and cute but are actually just a hoe looking for her next plaything.”

Tears now streamed down your face. The false accusations stung. They hurt worse than any other harmful words he’s thrown your way. He was upfront, but never this rude to you. 

You wiped your eyes, mustering up the courage to say what you needed to get out.

“I think we need a break,” your voice cracked, giving away your current state. 

He stopped his ramblings when he heard your words. You could only hear his angered, labored breathing on the other end of the phone.

“And for the record, I’ve never cheated on you.”

You clicked the end call button on your phone as tears fell from your eyes. 

Giving yourself a second to register what just happened, you let out a shaky breath. The tears morphed into sobs as you stood in the dark hallway. All you wanted was for your best friend to shush you and tell you it will be okay. 

With that realization, you faced the door and slowly turned the knob. San laid on your bed, scrolling through some social media on his phone as he waited for your return. Upon hearing the knob turn, he looked towards you with a smile on his face, ready to show you some stupid video he just saw.

But once he saw your red and already-puffing eyes, the smile vanished and was overtaken with a look of concern. He sat up, moving the bedding over to help you get under some blankets.

You slowly made your way to him, letting out hiccups and sobs. Finally, you sat down on the bed, pulling your legs up to your chest and looking into your best friend’s dark eyes.

His dark blue–almost black–hair covered part of his eyes as he grabbed both your shoulders gently, “What happened?”

“I guess I just broke up with him,” you gave him a teary smile, but it quickly faded as the reality of the situation kept returning.

San’s hands made their way around you until his muscular arms engulfed you. He brought your body to his, forcing your head to rest against his chest.

“I’m sorry,” were the only words he muttered as he caressed your hair, trying to hush your tears.

You sobbed for what you think was the greater part of an hour before you were starting to relax. You still sat, cuddled into your best friend as he rubbed circles into your arms, sides, wherever he could to try to calm your aching heart. 

Somewhere in the midst of the tears, he coaxed the two of you into a lying position. So now, your head rested on his chest as he looked up at your bedroom ceiling speckled with glow-in-the-dark stars. They had lost their glow years ago, but the memories of you and San putting them up and pretending they were the night sky still felt fresh in his memory.

“Sannie,” your voice was hoarse as you called him. He hummed for you to continue, “Stay the night. Please.”

It wouldn’t be the first time he stayed the night at your place. You’ve known each other for more than twelve years now, and sleepovers were mandatory best friend activities in your younger teen days. But this was different. You needed him right now, more than the time you embarrassed yourself in front of the entire junior-year class during high school. And he knew that you needed him.

“I wasn’t going to leave unless you were pushing me out the door anyway. I want to be here for you,” San’s words made your heartache more than it already was, and it brought tears to your eyes.

Your arms wrapped around his torso, squeezing him to you, “Thank you. You really are the bestest best friend.”

You looked up at him, a small smile on your face. His hand came down to brush some hair behind your ear, a gentle smirk on his face.

“But he really was a prick. You deserve someone better than him. So don’t let some singular brain celled human upset you this much. You’ll be able to find someone who will love you more than he ever did and they’ll make you happier than you could hope for. And that’s a promise,” San’s words were gentle but firm. They left no room for you to doubt what he said. 

He was always like this. Exuding confidence. You suppose that’s one of the things you’ve loved about him since you first met. It didn’t matter if he was giving you confidence for the test coming up or standing up to some bully who pulled your hair. San was always there to reassure you that things were going to be okay. He would pick you back up and on to your feet while taking care of your injuries all in one fellow swoop.

You snuggled further into his chest, giving him a squeeze of affection.

“I know,” you mumbled into his chest.

San continued to look at the stars, his signature smile sat atop his face.

“Remember when we put these up?” it was a question, but it felt almost rhetorical.

You turned your body so that you were laid on your back next to San, looking up at the stars as well. A smile graced your face as you reminisced with him.

“When was it, third grade?” you asked back.

His smile grew in recollection. San moved his arms to behind his head, letting the moments pass in silence before he finally responded to you.

“After that astronomy unit, you were so obsessed with space that your parents bought you these so you would stop complaining about never getting to go stargazing. And of course, you forced me to help you put them up the following day after school.”

You laughed at your younger self’s persistence. 

“I would apologize but it was a lot of fun. And after we put them up we shut off the lights to see if they worked. I think we laid there for hours until your mom came to pick you up,” you could feel your ex-boyfriend fading farther from your mind the more you talked about the memory.

“And then I was mad at you after that because my arms were so sore from reaching for the ceiling that I couldn’t play volleyball the next day,” you were both laughing at his anger towards you.

You turned your body towards his so that you could look at his face.

“Forgive me?” your voice was soft and your lips turned into a pout.

San looked down at you, reaching forward until his hand rested on your face.

“You know I can’t resist when you give me puppy dog eyes. Although I was quite devastated,” his smirk gave way that he was teasing you.

“Well,” you dragged out the word, “I can make it up to you tonight by bringing some old movies and making you popcorn?” You offered him a truce that you knew wasn’t necessary. But in your own weird way was a thank you to him for being such a good friend to you for all these years.

“Can we also have chocolates,” his eyes were hopeful.

“We can’t forget the chocolates,” you cheekily looked up at your best friend.

He sat up enthusiastically, “Then what are we still doing here? Go make the popcorn and by the time you’re back I’ll have a list of movies ready for us,” he said determinedly.

You sat up, returning his enthusiasm as you made your way out of your room.

“You better have at least one Disney princess movie on there or it’ll be your butt on the floor tonight,” you called out to him as you were making your way down the stairs and to the kitchen.

[carrotsinpanties]

Promps? How about PDA that starts innocently enough but every interaction gets more bold and passion filled and they can't make it home and have to dive find a secluded place in public to take care of needs.

Judy has always enjoyed PDA. The small and gentle kisses, the long drawn out make outs, and quick and exciting bites once in awhile; although Nick has tried to keep his and Judy’s lustrous activities to their apartment, passionate side started to show more and more with each kiss being more drawn out. Everything started one evening near the end of their shift when Judy was talking to Clawhauser in the main lobby and Nick sauntered in with a look that only Judy knew, he was trying his best to hide something. Clawhuaser quickly noticed him before Judy could.

“Hey Nick!” Ben yelled from across the lobby causing Judy and turn around and smile at him.

“Hey, buddy” Nick said calmly “here, have a doughnut.” Nick handed Ben a doughnut and he took it without hesitation. He said thanks and ate the whole thing in one bite, it was a fox sized one after all.

“You two can continue your conversation, I’ll just sit and listen, I’ve got nothing better to do.” Nick’s casual voice was all Judy needed to interpret that nick needed something more than just kiss.

“Alright, it’s up to you if you want to chime in!” Ben said quickly. Nick had already tuned out the conversation going on and let his eyes wander. From the left and right to the lobby to the little crumbs still on Clawhauser’s desk, but finally on the round rump of his partner and lover, Judy. His mind was quickly filling with fantasies about tonight. Without even thinking, his hand had hovered over by Judy’s butt. Nick hesitated for a moment, looking around to see how many people were around, and luckily there wasn’t many. The ones that were, were looking away or in private conversations. Nick had made the final decision, In a quick second his paw was touching and squeezing the most perfect ass he had ever seen, the amount of give it had was dream like. Judy was caught a little off guard as she didn’t really expect Nick to lose control.

“Uh ben, we’re going to have to cut this short” Judy interrupted Clawhauser.

“Aww, how come?” he questioned her.

“I-uh, have, to, do paperwork i forgot!” the excuse was a little half assed as she half of her ass was in the much larger paws of her associate and she was trying not to let her eagerness get the better of her.

“Welll okay, if you have to, see you tomorrow then!” Claw ended the conversation fast. He noticed what was happening. Judy turned around making Nick let go of her.

“My office, now.” Judy whispered in a harsh tone. She surprised herself at how angry that sounded, as Nick’s look turned to one of despair. Nick and Judy said nothing on the way to her office, but when they got there Judy sat down ready to tell Nick why he’s in the wrong.

“Look, I’m sorry.” Nick said sadly before Judy could get a word out.

“It’s alright Nick, I do realize that I sounded mean back in the lobby, I just wanted to say that I didn’t expect it was all.” Judy apologised, Nick’s look on his face went from sorrowful to a more surprised look. Nick squinted his eyes and smiled deviously.

“So you’re not saying no?”

“I never said not to~” Judy quietly said in a seductive manner. Nick looked at his watch, Only 15 minutes before their shift ended. Nick leaned on and gave Judy a quick kiss that Judy wanted to lean into but was disappointed when Nick pulled away.

“I’ll see you in 15 minutes at the end of our shift” Nick said aloud casually. He walked away leaving Judy wanting more; and more she did receive. The following 15 minutes had Judy squirming in her seat as she thought about Nick and her might do tonight. The next hour had the two engaging in a few rougher rounds of their casual intercourse in their car in the ZPD parking lot. After that they went home, had dinner and more sex, and went to bed.

The next day during their lunch break, Judy was sitting in the break room eating her lunch, wondering if any cases or calls will come up as the day had taken a slow and monotonous turn once Nick and her brought in a guy for GTA earlier in the morning. Judy threw the remains of what was left of her lunch and started to head out, when she entered the hallway a turned, she noticed Nick standing there, leaning against the wall looking at his phone.

“Nick? What are you doing out here, have you eaten today?” Judy said worried about her partner. As she her sentence ended, she just took notice of the rather large tent that Nick was pitching in his pants.

“Yeah, I’ve snacked throughout the day.” Nick said trying not to pay any attention to the erection. Since this morning Judy had smelled so good and he wasn’t quite sure why. Even when they had brought in that one guy earlier her normal scent seems to be sending him over the edge. Nick put away his phone and advanced on Judy, she didn’t make a sound as she pulled him in for a passionate kiss, shoving their tongues against each other’s. One of Nick’s paw had reached down and started groping Judy’s rump making her moan softly. Judy, without thinking had her paw wandering over to Nick’s crotch, rubbing his his rock hard cock, causing him to growl.

“Uhh” A voice sounded from their left causing Judy to jump out of her skin and push Nick away abruptly. One of the wolves had walked out of the break room and noticed the two making out.

“I-uh-ho-how long have you been standing there?” Judy stuttered

“Not very long, I’ll just go and pretend I didn’t see it.” the wolf said in a drawn out manner and then left in a rush

“Nick, let’s just agree and not go that far next time.” Judy said, her ears down and bright red from embarrassment.

“I agree” Nick huffed and walked away in the opposite direction. Leaving Judy to her thoughts.

Although they had agreed to not do that again, the very next day they decided on some PDA Nick had slipped one of his paws into Judy’s pant causing her to squeak out a sharp moan making both of them jump and realise what they were doing. And again and again for the next two days did this happen, they took it one step farther. They were practically in foreplay territory. The following morning after Nick decided to finger Judy during role call, Judy approached Nick before their lunch break already horny and, to the fox, clearly holding back.

“Nick I just thought of an idea, meet me in the janitor's closet at the far end of the building in 10 minutes.” Judy confidently said. She ran off  without giving Nick a chance to voice his opinion in Judy’s decision. There at the far end of the building sat a large janitorial closet ment for the larger mammals at the ZPD.

Nick entered the room. And look around, it was pitch black in the room. Nick turned on the phone to get a better look around the room only for the door to shut behind him and the room to flash into sight by a singular incandescent, dim, bulb. Nick turned around and look up to see judy sitting on the light switch.

“Well, you got me trapped. now what will the predator do to her frightened prey?” Nick said sarcastically. Judy, using the nearby mop leaning on the wall to slide down, approached nick giggling. She swayed her hips more than usual to get more of Nick’s attention, and it worked. Before judy could say a word she was pulled in for a kiss. They parted lips shortly after, making a small smeck noise.

“Nick, I don’t think we can handle waiting till after work so we can fuck.” Judy said cautiously.

“Well I’m glad you wanted to do something about it before we got in trouble with buffalo butt.” Nick remarked.

“Yeah” Judy whispered before pulling Nick in for another kiss, this time making it longer, pushing her tongue into Nick’s mouth, he still tastes like coffee  and blueberry jam from this morning. Nick lifted up Judy’s uniform, unbuckling her vest and pulling it over and off of her, returning to the makeout after it hit the floor. Nick then slid his paw under Judy’s jumpsuit to feel the soft fur of her chest. Judy grabbed ahold of that paw and guided it down to her pants where Nick undid her buckle and his own. Nick pulled down Judy’s pants and panties with one movement. Nick picked Judy up, turning around, and pinning her against the door of the closet. They stared at each other a few moments before Nick push down his pants just enough to reveal his hot red dick. Judy got a good look at Nick’s pulsing member before he adjusted himself.

“Do it nick.” she breathed. And with that Nick inserted his cock into Judy’s soaking vagina, with both of them moaning out loud. Judy looked deep into Nick’s eyes, and she knew what was coming. He started pumping his dick in and out of Judy and a steady pace. Judy moaned and nick growled in return. His thrusting getting faster and faster as Judy felt His knot grow. Nick bit down on Judy’s neck making her groan through the rest of her moans. Nick had to let go as Nick was on the verge and just needed that knot.

“J-judy, I- i need to-”

“Not yet nick, just a little longer, come on harder!” she shouted. Nick moaned and thrusted a harder making judy lay her head against the door and grab a hold of nick. Nick couldn’t take anymore thrusting, and need to knot now.

“Come on Nick, CUM IN ME PLEASE!” with her command Nick thrusted one last time popping in his knot and his tip pushing against Judy’s cervix, pumping her full of his load. Their moans filled the room as his cock is squeezed by the soft yet muscular walls of Judy’s tight cunt.

They looked at each other tired and ready for a nap.

“Tomorrow?” Nick panted resting his head between Judy’s ears.

“Tomorrow.”

Well that was fun, I should do more of these, i need to get to another one today, but it will have to be done later tonight. 

[dothewrite]

okay, i just can't stop thinking about this? but like, i imagine that if kuroo has an s/o, they're probably going to be friends with kenma, right? i, along with probably the rest of the fandom, also headcanon that kenma has anxiety. so can you do a scenario where said gf is with JUST kenma (probably waiting for kuroo or planning his surprise party or something) and suddenly kenma gets a mental breakdown so she kinda comforts him while kuroo gets a call and rushes to where they are?

I have so many things to say with Kenma, but I hope that this turned out to your satisfaction. Honestly, I think Kenma is very strong. But even the strong have their weak moments, and they deal with it the best they can, right? So I think that his way of dealing would be his silence, and all his different sides just collapsing into each other, and Kenma forgets who he is a little. I’m no expert on anxiety, and I can only base this on my singular experience, but I only wish that when it happened, I had been around someone I could trust, like Kenma has.

“Butjust because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die,You gotta get up and try, try, try.”-Try, Pink.

Kenma’s never been one for many words. It’s a quiet afternoon,a rare day in Tokyo indeed, and Kenma’s silence as you manoeuvre his mouseacross his monitor is more than the approval you need. Maybe he’s just in agiving mood, or maybe there’s something about the way the sky’s darkening today,but just because you can’t put a finger on it, doesn’t mean it’s less valuablein the slightest.

“I’m going to press create, okay?” You glance downonce at your friend’s defeated posture and grin. Kenma doesn’t even bothernodding, or speaking, he simply looks up at you with that exasperatedly deadexpression on his face, and you know that it’s ago.

You press create, like you had said, and the ‘createyour character’ screen pops up immediately. As expected of the newest graphicscard, there’s zero lag in this gamer’s build.

“Alright,” you tell him as you lean back, “now it’sall yours.”

“I see I shouldn’t have been glad when I found outthat Kuro’s girlfriend is a gamer too.”

“What’s wrong?” You grin some more, channelling a bitof Kuroo yourself, “this is a game! It’s a good game! You can’t just play onthose tiny buttons all the time.”

“This is an MMORPG, and yes, I can.”

“Since you don’t want to socialize in person, you cantalk to people online.”

Kenma looks at you witheringly. “I’m talking to you,aren’t I?”

“You’re the one who invited me over,” you practicallyglow at the memory.

“Yeah, that’s ‘cus you wouldn’t stop bothering meabout this game.”

“Not because you like me?”

“Get out.”

You laugh, an unfeminine, cackling laugh and somehow,the corners of Kenma’s lips tilt upwards just the tiniest bit.

“C’mon, Kenmaaaaa, make your character!”

Kenma rolls his eyes, but turns back to the screen asdirected. You watch eagerly as his fingers drape over his streamline mouse, elegantfrom years of practice, and wait for the first change he’s going to make.

Nothing happens.

The cursor remains unmoving, and those thin, setterfingers stay exactly where they are. It’s a beautiful picture, but it’s lessentertaining when all your friend is doing is staring at the shimmering blue creationscreen without a single movement.

“Hey… are you alright?” You dare to shift a littlecloser. “I’m sorry if I was bothering you too much.”

“It’s fine,” he says so quietly that you’d have missedit if you weren’t almost draped over his back.

The hairs on the back of your neck raise in anxiousnessanyway, Kenma’s reassurance bouncing off you completely. “You don’t have toplay if you don’t want to. I know I was really pushy but-“

“-I’m fine,” he repeats, firmer.

You sit back on your heels, falling silent. Kenmararely spoke to you like that, or anyone, for that matter. As the silence growslonger, the more you feel in the way, as if you were blocking somethingprofound from happening, as if there’s a voice in the background begging you toleave.

So you do, and you get to your feet without any resistance.Maybe Kenma noticed, but there’s no movement from him that indicates eitherway. The steps towards his bedroom door feels heavy, but you don’t let themdrag.

“I’ll leave,” and those aren’t the words you want tosay, but they come out anyway- blunt, more honest than anything else you’d beable to conjure. Your hand rests uselessly on the doorknob, and you count tofive for a response before you left the house for good.

It hits four, then five, and you turn the handle.

“It’s not-“ he begins like a startled bird in winter, dartingout and back in. You almost miss it, with the flurry of shame that rushes toyour cheeks. “-it’s not you. I-I…” and you feel like you’re losing him, beingdragged away by the current, and the boy who never speaks meets the girl whonever fights.

You feel the metal slip away from underneath yourfingers as you sink down to the floor. Afraid to look up, or perhaps todiscover what you’ll see, you make your way across the traditional Japanese flooringon your hands and knees until you’re a reasonable distance from Kenma again.

His hands have fallen away from his PC and onto hislap. He doesn’t seem to be looking at them, however, but to the side, countingthe ridges on a square of flooring.

“I’m not afraid of talking to people,” he finallyspeaks up.

Somehow, you know that you’ve lost this round, thatyou’re the one left to catch up as Kenma takes one step by one step away fromhis comfort zone and you’ve yet to attempt. Heck,if you’re catching up, then you’re going to catchup.

“What are you afraid of?” Confidence comes slowly, butit swims upwards as your sentence comes to a close. Perhaps this isn’t what you’rebest at, as the words you want always seem to dance in front of your fingertipsand slip away at the last moment, but you- you love this kid. As a friend, as ahuman being, and when he turns around to look at you in a soaring act ofbravery, you’re humbled.

Kenma’s shaking, just barely, and just because, you reach out and pull his frail shoulders againstyour own. He falls into you without much resistance. His posture is stillrigid, his angles unfriendly and his breathing hostile, but he’s close, and you’rethere, and you’re going to sit there with him until that upwards twitch of hislips comes back.

“I’ve got anxiety,” he announces dully, like it’s unavoidablehow the sun rises in the east, “GAD.”

“Okay.”

“I-I don’t like people around when it happens.”

You say nothing, because it’s the right thing to say.If Kenma doesn’t want you here, then you wouldn’t be. And his interruption isas much of an invitation for you to leave as was your five seconds at the doorwas to go.

“I think Kuro’s the only one who’s been around when itgets bad,” he adds.

“Would you like me to call him here?”

Kenma doesn’t reply, but you see how his fingersclench and then unwind again, so you reach for your phone with one hand andtype in the message.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t haveto,” you murmur. “But what happened?”

“Just now.”

“Mhm.”

His silence returns, as does his shaking, and all youcan do is hold him with your own small heart. And, you wait. Soft, hesitantstrokes up and down his back you offer, and he shrinks away at first but leansinto your touch after a few seconds. Another act of bravery; you count two.

“I think of gaming a lot,” Kenma begins, “and I starta lot of games. So this MMO… it- I keep on starting things, and it’s like aloop.”

You know he can feel you nod against his hair, andsomehow, his heaves for air grow just the slightest bit more regular, althoughlouder. Like he’s not trying to hide them as much anymore.

“A loop where nothing ever ends,” he breathes, and ifa beautiful dream could be a nightmare, this is its battle cry. “I never start anythingmeaningful in my life, I only start things that take up my time, start games,beat levels- and then next game… I’m in a fucking loop.”

This is the first time you’ve heard Kenma swear withsuch vehemence, and it makes him sound present in ways you can’t bring towords.

“I’ve never really thought about what I’d like to do,or what I can do. Even volleyball I’vefollowed Kuro around and joined because he made it fun for me- it’s likenothing I’ve done is for myself.”

“Your hobby is you, too.”

“But they’re just hobbies,”he gasps, desperate. “I can’t be just games,that’s just really sad.”

Your fingers tighten, but you’re not going to saysomething you know won’t be welcome right now.

“And I don’t know what I’m capable of. Maybe it’snothing, maybe it’s just being a mediocre setter.”

He isn’t.But you can’t tell him that yet.

“I can just see it- all my life I’m going to be tiredand useless and just a quiet guy who games and doesn’t like people. I can’teven like people,” and Kenma laughscruelly against your shoulder. “What am I going to be? When will I ever getanywhere? What if I don’t care? I’m the most afraid of not caring. It’sprobably the option that’s going to come true the most.”

“I don’t think you have to care,” you offer quietly. “Whohas the right to guilt you into caring about things you don’t?”

Kenma moves to slap you about the head. “Society,dumbass.”

“Seriously, Kenma.” You sound serious. “I-I’m in noplace to say much but, I think you’re allowed to be you. You don’t have topunish yourself for being you.”

“It doesn’t help, being me,” he answers. Toeing theline between snarky and exhausted, he sounds like Kenma again, and you know forone that his laugh won’t leave you.

You shrug. “It might not help, but we can make do,right?”

“Is that the plan? To wing it?”

“I’ll help you,” you promise, tentative and feathery,like a wish made in a dream, and all Kenma has to do is to reach out and graspit. “Kuroo will help you. All your friends will help you. We can’t control everything,right? So we just gotta make do. Some things we just can’t plan for.”

“Some things,” he echoes.

“Yup.”

“Maybe I should stop gaming,” he says, and sounds somiserable saying it that it almost makes you laugh.

“Don’t! Who else would I play with? Besides, you’renot losing things because of your hobby. It’s just a hobby,” you tell himagain, “it’s okay to like it. But it’s also okay to try new things too, so wecan figure out together ‘what you’re capable of’, yeah?”

Kenma heaves a defeated sigh, and smiles. It’s a weaklittle thing, but it makes your chest warm. The only appropriate response is tocuddle him even more, to which he can only protest feebly against death bybreasts. Naturally, you don’t hear a word of it.

It’s also how Kuroo finds the two of you- he’s pantingand looking far too disheveled and sweaty for his fashionable lookingensemble, and there’s a funny little dance his face makes as he tries to decidewhether to be worried, baffled, or tsk.

“You put some effort into your clothing today.”

“Someone bothered today. Wow.” Both you and Kenma sayin unison, with varying levels of enthusiasm.

Kuroo shakes his head, a parent home to find thirddegree destruction, and flops down next to the two of you. You yelp, because he’sa big guy, and very capable of flattening both you and Kenma.

“I was worried sick,”he whines. “Then I rush here to find you two going at it-“

“We were not!”

“Oi Kenma,” Kuroo drapes himself almost entirely onKenma’s back- which is supported by your own frame, and you definitely feel thestrain. “Are you trying to steal my girlfriend?”

“Like hell,” Kenma rolls his eyes again, “she wouldn’teven leave me alone about that stupid game.”

Kuroo reaches over to ruffle your hair, and you curlinto it unconsciously like a cat.

“Which game, eh? Can I play?”

“You really should ask her instead-“

“Whaaaat, you haven’t even passed the creation screen?Kenmaaaaaaaaaa.”

“JesusChrist, alright, just shut up.”

Kenma drags his unwilling flesh body over to theabandoned PC and taps at his mouse with the weariness of a dying god. Kuroohovers happily around him, pleased enough that the tension drains out from thewires of his muscles.

They make such a picture. You’re tempted to take outyour phone and snap one, but something holds you back and you decide that the betteroption is to leave the two of them to it for now.

You’re a simple step away from the open doorway, butyou can’t resist the temptation to glance back one more time.

Kuroo’s eyes meet yours, a stolen secret, and when hesmiles at you- relief, gratefulness, pride, love- you don’t bother hiding youranswering one.