#this thing is made out of 50 different moving pieces btw

[harbek]

Get ready for a Game Changer!

I̴̫͈͖͠'̸̘̺͛ͅv̸̲̰̦͛e̵̬̪͊ ̸̧̬̤͂b̸̼̰͊͒͜e̵͇͎͐ẽ̶̟ṉ̷̯̪͗͂͒ ̵̭̑̓h̸̬̾̄ḛ̴̛̹̪̿r̸̮̊e̴̖͆̒ ̵̣̬̲̽͝t̴̳̫̔̇ḣ̴͓e̸̥͕̎ ̴̡̧͉̔̒̏w̶̲͑̀͐ĥ̶̖o̴̙̻͂ļ̷̍e̵̫͇̅ ̸͍̓͂̕t̷̗̗̼̂̅i̴̟̞̍̒̈́m̵̲̠̃ͅë̶̡̳͇́͒͐!̵̹̦͌͠

Drawn in Photoshop, animated in Spine Pro. The final art piece I made for my bachelor thesis on GIF as a medium for art.

I've been researching digital art in the context of modern folk art, outside institutional or commercial art. I analysed almost 500 art GIFs across Tumblr, Artstation and GIPHY.

There's almost no academic research on art GIFs, so it was important to me to examine and document it. I also examined the optimisation of GIFs and how it relates to web sustainability.

And because the bachelor program was focused on art practice, I then created my own art GIFs, and it seemed only right that I should do it through fanart of something I've been really into lately. Thanks @samreich and the rest of Dropout for giving me some unhinged content as inspiration. Watch 'Game Changer' everyone, it's great.

[intermundia]

ok idk if anyone's asked this before. but. i've been following your fics for the past while (lovelovelove btw) and realized for the first time yesterday when i perused your masterlist just how many you've published. holy shit dude!! mega kudos. i've been polishing up a couple different wips since new years this year but haven't published any so far, so ig i wanted to ask for advice on getting out there as a fic writer? i've never published before lol. what's ur methods and advice, chef

ahhh thank you :) i am so excited for you!! imho you're standing on the threshold of a beautiful adventure, like you've packed your bags (got some wips) and are ready to head out the door. it's intimidating but in my experience the first comment you get will make all the stress worth it; it will wash away your reservations and give you a hit of affirmation that will only drag you further on into sharing more. it's a virtuous circle that you just have to start.

as trite as it sounds, my biggest piece of advice is to fake it until you make it, like pretend you've published a hundred times before and are perfectly confident and entitled to put your work up in public. that's what i did the first time, i pretended to be someone normal lol. i knew what i expected to see from others and made my story summary and tags look like that to avoid negative ripples (no such ripples really exist in reality, but i know how anxiety whispers lies).

it worked because there's no front door or barrier to entry to posting on ao3, you know? you are exactly as welcome and valid as i am there; we both see the same site back end and the same draft page. you are the same as anybody who has already published. if you have wips and have something that could reasonably be considered finished? pick one, something small even, and just post it. you can edit it once it's live if something dire comes up, i do it all the time.

this is actually something that is causing me a lot of writer's block right now, the fact that i am being far too perfectionist and precious about the next chapter of my main wip. i simply care way too much about the story, so i'm so scared of doing it wrong, so i've been sitting on it. but the way that i've published more 50 stories in the past is trusting my gut about when something is done and pushing it out to the public before i hold myself back.

you have to just keep moving forward, that's the key. tell yourself the next story will be better and remember the last story is better than you think it is. make your chapters as long or as short as you feel is right, post as often or as sparingly as you need. share on other social media once you're done if you want, people want to know there is more of the thing they love in the world, you know? you're offering a gift, and that's kind.

i know that all the advice in the world is basically useless unless you see it at the right moment you need it, and none of my advice is anything that you haven't heard before, but if you need a sign that it's time to pull the trigger, that you are allowed to post things, that people want to see your work, that you're welcome and important to the community by sharing your voice—please take this post as that sign. be confident, because you deserve that confidence, and hit post <3

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hiiii!!! 💫💕🌸🥳

Can I bother with a question... I was (re)watching that zhang qiling edit (not today) - 'cause it's so cool, btw- and I wondered if Reboot Xiaoge’s your favourite one...? And if you're up to answering, what do you think about the other adaptations? Especially (our small bean) xiao yuliang's interpretation of xiaoge?

🤗🌺💐🐰💕

Hey, my precious patootie hehe ILY it always makes me very happy knowing that you rewatch my vids <3

lol dang it, I was kinda hoping to avoid this question, just because I feel like I'd find it hella hard to explain some things, but I'll try my best and hopefully it'll make some sense xD

I'll start from afar bc I wanna try to explain my reasonings, since I don't want to go without arguments into such highly debated question lolz. I talked about this a bit in my previous asks somewhere, but not broadly as to why that one guy hit all the right spots.

So throughout the books Wu Xie always does this wonderful thing, where he very tangibly describes the feeling he gets when Xiaoge is near, I mean like the aura around him. And he always somehow does it so colorful, that this mix of safety, assurance, calmness, composure and some things I can't quite put into one noun, that he brings to him, I think everyone who've read the books can recognize as this almost magical "Xiaoge feeling". It's not just the way he acts in some dangerous situations or smth like that. It's just everything. You either have it or you don't. And here goes my first argument... to me none of them, except for Huang Junjie and Yuliang have it.

I mean it's not even the obvious stuff, it's like the way they move during the action scenes, the way they even stand and hold themselves, the way they touch Wu Xie, the tone of their voices (both of which are like soothing as fuck), little things you'd think wouldn't matter, but when you watch it and all the puzzle pieces are together, you're like... fuck yeah, thats him.

Also not really that weighty of a point, but to me there's always a joy to see that the actor who plays the character not only gets what's he's playing, but also loves it, bc it's always seen on screen. Usually when some asked about the character they play and what they have in common for example they answer with obvious things like if some character is introverted they're like "well I also don't talk very much" or smth like that, you know what I mean. When I was watching interviews of Yuliang and Huang Junjie I was just smiling so much, bc they've said such things that made me go "yeah, Qiling is safe in their hands".

In Reboot case working in such close proximity with the author definitely also played a huge role here. Bc it kinda gets complicated in some aspects since the books are written from Wu Xie's point of view and you can't only base your picture on his perspective, just bc it's coming from a person who after being basically told "you're my whole world" goes "I'm just a person he randomly passes by in his long life" in his thoughts. Not only he's utterly clueless and dumb when it comes to all this, that he wouldn't notice the way Qiling looks at him and other things, its also not that kind of book, that would go "I suddenly caught poker face looking at me like I'm his whole existence" (and I honestly don't want it to be that book lmao). So you have to take into the account here stuff like what author says to get the whole picture, bc if you look at that from the point of Qiling's view for example, this shit takes a whole wild turn. So I really loved that in UN and Reboot ways of showing Qiling's feelings were well thought out and fit the timeline.

Bc it also works both ways, when it comes to other adaptations. Like Qiling is very and I mean ETREMELY hard to win over. We all know that it was a very long process of gaining his trust and even longer for him to fall for Wu Xie to the point of him being his everything. So what I want in those interpretations is for them to get at which point of their relationships what Xiaoge's behavior makes sense. I do not need any fanservice if it ruins the character, I'll just hate it. The thing that their feelings didn't come out of nowhere is what I LOVE about this ship, bc I'm not the kind of person who believes in "we love for nothing" thing and love at first sight thing (only "got hots for each other" at first sight), bc thats bull. Wu Xie became his everything after a long LONG process of getting to know each other. At the beginning tho he was the same stranger to him as everyone else. So what Reboot Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie yet and what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what Lost Tomb's Qiling feels for Wu Xie (which at that point was nothing). And I feel like not everyone gets the fact that you can totally wreck the character if you make him behave not the way he behaved in that particular time. Like for example, if someone would make a MDZS adaptation where at the very beginning of their relationships LZ treats WWX the way he treated him after the reincarnation just because "who cares, it's still LZ", that would be dumb af, see what I mean. So Xiaoge having a weakness for Wu Xie in part one is automatically not a Xiaoge to me, bc a huge part of his character and the thing NPSS speaks a lot about is just how IMPOSSIBLE it is for someone to catch his attention and how long it took Wu Xie to get there. So let's just say to me UN and Reboot Qilings for the first time didn't feel like some mashup or character summary/parody, they were Qilings the way they are supposed to be in that part of the story, bc it was the only times someone actually bothered to coordinate it.

Now as to why I prefer one to another. Xiaoge has this thing... the way he holds himself with other people, that is sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally suppressing.

Like everyone knows that if you're a passerby, Qiling genuinely doesn't fucking care and would in fact be pretty harsh about it in terms of treating people like they do not deserve their attention. He won't be like "please, don't bother me", he simply ignored them like an empty space. He is also like that with acquaintances who in his opinion do not deserve his respect like that girl who went hysterical, bc she was upset that he was the only one who wasn't drooling on her like all other men on the crew, Chen Wenjin, Wu Xie's uncles and etc. He's not openly disrespectful unless they trigger him in some way (usually by trying to act superior or later on for not treating Wu Xie right), but if they do, he will in fact remind them their place in sometimes a very rude way, at times humiliating them in front of ppl bc he looks younger than them and talking starts.

He's always doing things on his own terms and hates being told what to do. Like he legit scared Chen Wenjin just with a look and the tone of his voice when he said "let go", when she tried to command him on the mission and grabbed him trying to lecture him about what he should or shouldn't do. That's why Wu Erbai didn't even try anything like this and let him do whatever he needed to do and equally lead the mission in Reboot. And why the scene where Wu Xie 'commands' "Xiaoge, come back" and he immediately listens holds another special place in my heart. Bc he NEVER and I mean NEVER allows such things to ANYONE.

So here I came to a point of why despite loving them both dearly, my favorite Xiaoge is Huang Junjie.

I have this dissonance with Yuliang's version when to me in many scenes it felt like he and Wu Xie are the same age. Like if he was Xiaoge, but in his 20s. In his interactions with Chen Wenjin the dynamics was turned upside down, with him being okay with her telling him what to do and just in general the way she behaved with him. Same as like I didn't always quite believe him to be on par with older generation or even Pangzi, it just felt like he was truly younger than them. Some scenes that I do find extremely cute just don't fit book Xiaoge at all, I'm talking about some moments like his face when Wu Xie gave him food, or him pouting and many things he's done, when you were going "uwu he's a baby". He just never gives me this feeling in the books ever, not just bc he's 100 years old, but sad fact here.. bc he's simply unable to behave that way. Like in the books you'll desperately want to shower him with love, but he's just... I can't quite explain, it's very sad.

I guess it's just you know these characters, who are like hundreds years old, but look like they're 18? I think you have to be very careful with how you write those, so you could deliver that. And in UN because of some changed dynamics and scenes I straight up forgot about it, until Wu Xie threw some joke like "he's an old man" in front of a restaurant.

In Reboot Xiaoge could make Wu Erbai stutter with one move, put Yuliang's version in the same scene, I just don't think it would've worked. Like I'm trying to imagine him telling UN's Wu Erbai what to do and having troubles already haha. Same as I don't think he's capable to be genuinely mad at Wu Xie, and HJJ nailed it esp in one of my fav when Wu Xie was laughing at Pangzi's joke about him catching cold. The look he gave him and how ZYL just retreated was priceless xD. And boy could Qiling get angry with him in the books!

Otherwise I didn't have any drastic fall outs there, like with Joseph's Wu Xie and Ah Ning's death, because that was just too much of a difference, but there were still moments where it was once again this the same scene completely different emotion thing. He was more tolerable to ppl in general here, more pliable. And 50% of the time he gave me the cute lost kitten type, which I just cannot connect with the feeling he gave me in the books. His personality is a cat type 100%, but like seriously "cute baby" is the last word combination I would ever apply to book Xiaoge, but with Yuliang's version it's easily applied. So small bean he is indeed. With Joseph and in UN it works incredibly perfect to me, but the way he is in UN is at times too gentle. And there are lots of scenes where Joseph himself looked at him in a way "you're too cute, let me pinch your cheeks" kind of way, or the way he like sat down next to him on the coast, he was a bit babying him at times. I can't imagine book pingxie doing that. It's just a whole different vibe, the way he takes care of him, the way he lets him take care of him... it's...uuuuuuuuu another vibe (see, I'm so good at explaining lmao).

It's also kinda funny to me, bc HJJ who's the smallest and who irl truly a kitten never once gave me that feeling on screen for some reason. The one babied and loved by every crew and old ppl, who was cutely hiding behind ZYL's back on set, who won't sue an ex who almost ruined his career bc of how stupid she is, bc he "didn't want to hurt her", who according to staff can't even step on a fly, whom CMH was petting for several minutes after he had to hit him with a prop brick bc he didn't wanna do it lmao. I was just like.. ok, this is hilarious, bc I in fact didn't expect him to be a small bean, so watching all the bts made me go LOOOOL. Probably ZYL acting like a 3 year old helped him transform and the age difference problem got lost lmao

As for other adaptations. You know I can't watch seriously "Lost Tomb", I think some ppl probably have some nostalgic feeling about it, but I'm sorry, to me it's fucking hilarious. Like I've already said it looks like some type of twilight parody thing or smth. Soft damselle Wu Xie esp killed me, bc 1st when he ever was that, 2nd in the first book he's salty af, I don't even know this dude in this interpretation, I was like who's this. YangYang I know him from other things, I really don't think it's his role. I know the script and everything is bad. I know the costume and hair are horrendously funny, but it's just I was watching him in those action scenes and was like no... just I'm sorry but I'm not feeling it. I simply just don't know what to say about the whole thing seriously, bc I don't even know where to start. 10 episodes of some salad finished with one mutilated scene from book 6 for no reason the fact that characters are weird themselves also I can't quite tell, did they really just meet or they imply smth else lmao.. I'm sorry, but I do not get it.

I've given LT2 another try after finishing all the books and I've dropped it half way through, Cheng Yi wasn't even close to how I pictured Xiaoge in any aspect. He in fact didn't do anything OOC or off the book or anything, I just was like "not my Qiling". Happens sometimes.

Explore with the note you already know how I feel about this lol let's just forget.

P.S. To be fair here also maybe we should take into account the fact that some got luckier than other with "at which point" Xiaoge they're playing. Like for example, "Wrath of the Sea" and "Qingling Tree" books which is LT2 is not exactly you can say much about Qiling there, he trolls them there in the beginning (in a brilliant way that was totally lost in the adaptation) and he is there in "Wrath of Sea", but it's not the part that can make his character shine in any way, there's not much things happening there that would make you fall for him or get to know him; Yuliang grabbed the fattest piece bc it's middle several books, when they're always together and his character shines the most in terms of clues about past, opening up to Wu Xie and Pangzi, and there are many many events where you can get the picture of what kind of man he is; Huang Junjie grabbed my fav piece of utter devotion, where he's already fully and wholeheartedly belongs to Wu Xie, that I'm just weak for. So like... there's also that I guess xD.

[sasstrash]

Please forgive me I've been super focused on school

The Silent Queen 6; A Royal Morning

Raven woke up the same she always did - quietly. No one ever really noticed her until she was outside her room and hallway back in the castle but at school, people smiled and waved at her the second she left her dorm with Maddie. She guessed that the news of her arrival had spread and a lot of people wanted to know the daughter of the Evil Queen. Raven grimaced at the thought, she would have preferred not to be known at all. To just be a minor character in a smaller story. With a happy ending. But that wasn’t who she was, she was Raven Queen and this was her life.

Walking down the corridors to the castleteria was mostly uneventful aside from all the other students who continued looking at her and pointing things out. It was times like these that she wished she could hear. But then again she wasn’t sure how well she’d adjust to suddenly being able to hear. The castleteria itself is big and crowded with white lighting that made everything look brighter than what Raven was used to, many eyes looked over to her and Raven felt herself subconsciously tug at a lavender streak in her hair. This was going to be a long school year.

Cerise stood up and waved over at the pair of newcomers from her table where she sat with Cedar, Hunter, and a few girls who Raven vaguely remembered from yesterday who had been with that blonde- Apple, Apple White. The next Snow White, the one Raven would eventually have to poison. Raven stopped moving for a second at the thought of her destiny. Eyes wide she almost started to shake until Maddie lightly poked her shoulder, pointing to the castleteria’s food table. Raven straightened and followed her roommate and best friend to grab breakfast.

At home, she usually just walks into the kitchen. Chef made pancakes most mornings with berries from the nearby forest and honey on top. Raven always loved those pancakes, even if she had them almost every day. Raven quickly put a few slices of bacon on her plate smiling at the staff before grabbing some fruit salad and a couple of waffles and left to follow Maddie over to Cedar’s table. Most people moved out of the way to let the two girls pass through in order to get to their table. If Raven was being honest she had expected more students to run away from her when she arrived, and yet they all seemed to be completely enamoured by her. Weird. Maybe it was because she hadn’t shown up for regular school until this year, or because no one knew what she looked like (she avoided mirror phones and rarely left the castle grounds), or maybe none of them knew much about deaf people. Or maybe all three. By the time she and Maddie sat down, Raven was already exhausted, and she hadn’t even gone to class yet!!

‘Morning Rae, how was your first night at EAH?’ Cerise signed over to her childhood friend. Raven smiled at the nickname, Cerise had given it to her when they were about six, very soon afterwards Raven and Cerise began talking more over chats with their mirror phones as Cerise started elementary school while Raven began to be castleschooled. The two would work on video chats every now and again to keep sign language in Cerise’s vocabulary, (usually with a little help from Ramona too, but it’s not like they could talk about that it was a secret!) so the two stayed connected no matter where they were.

‘It’s been good Cher,’ another nickname that had come from their younger years ‘you know after the whole Headmaster situation me and Maddie set up our dorm. It was definitely different from the castle or your place’ Raven concluded before picking up her fork. She really was hungry after skipping dinner last night. As the others smiled at her she felt a warm fuzzy feeling wash over her, these were her friends, some through childhood, some through the others and they all loved her. She was loved, at least she was now but once she became, that she wouldn’t be. Her smile began to dim just a tad as she bit into her waffle. She shook it off before looking at the three girls she didn’t know the names of. ‘Oh sorry I almost forgot, I’m Raven, and you guys are?’ she asked the brunette in pink, the platinum blonde in white and the ginger with green eyes. Each one smiled at her as brightly as her friends, if not a bit brighter, they were probably princesses, Raven thought to herself before each one signed their names.

‘Briar Beauty’ The girl in all pink signed with slightly tired eyes. Raven immediately made the connection to the Sleeping Beauty Story, it took a lot for her not to frown, that was always such a sad tale, sleeping for a hundred years would mean losing the people she loved. Even still Raven could see that something else was turning in her mind, maybe she’d get to see what that was.

The ginger signed after ‘Ashlynn Ella it’s nice to meet you!’ she had the brightest smile that Raven had seen from the trio. Cinderella’s daughter her mind added in, another story with a happy ending but a tragic beginning, she couldn’t imagine losing both of her parents. Then again it was better than being imprisoned in a mirror, or being forced to dance in hot iron shoes until death, or being crushed by a boulder after falling off of a cliff. Raven’s thoughts were broken as she saw that Ashlynn was sitting very close to Hunter, who seemed to be completely focused on her, the dork had a crush, which seemed to be mutual. If Raven could speak well she would have laughed.

‘I’m Darling Charming but you can call me Darl for short’ The Platinum Blonde signed last as she gave a simple polite smile. Like the one that Raven had been taught to use for visitors and knights when she was younger. A female born Charming? She had heard of it before but it wasn’t common, most of them became small-time princesses with small kingdoms, or took over for the Charming Kingdom when the time came. It would be interesting Raven thought to see where her destiny leads her, after all, Darling definitely had the most open book story out of all of them.

‘It’s nice to meet all of you’ Raven signed before continuing ‘So.. has anyone gotten a schedule, I still haven’t’ It hadn’t been a big surprise to her though, she supposed no one had accounted for her deafness and they might have had to remake her schedule. After she mentioned it though she saw Cedar hit her head with her hand. “Ugh, I almost forgot,” she muttered to the group before pulling out a piece of paper. ‘Here Raven, I passed the headmaster and he asked me to give this to you, don’t worry he only had to reschedule two subjects!’ she finished passing the note over. Raven sent a grateful smile to her friend thank goodness for Cedar on the top of the paper a note was written with a schedule underneath. It read:

Dear Ms. Queen; first of all, I’d like to apologize for not being aware of this sooner, in the short time we’ve been given I was able to find some students to help you translate in each class. However, just in case most classes have an extra student who understands sign language. Below is your schedule, I hope you enjoy your time here at Ever After High.

Sincerely,

Headmaster Grimm

Breakfast: 6:30-8:30

Block one: Geografairy with Professor Jack B. Nimble (assisted by Cerise Hood) 8:45-9:30

Block two: Beast Training and Care with Professor Poppa Bear (assisted by Dexter Charming) 9:35-10:20

Block three: General Villainy with Professor Badwolf (assisted by Ramona Badwolf) 10:25-11:10

Block four: Math with Dr. King Charming (assisted by Ashlynn Ella) 11:15-12:00

Lunch: 12:00-12:45

Block five: History with Professor Rumpilstilskin (assisted by Madelyn Hatter) 1:00-1:45

Block six: Spellcasting and Potions with Professor Baba Yaga (assisted by Cedar Wood) 1:50-2:35

Block seven: Grimmnastics with Coach Gingerbreadman (assisted by Darling Charming) 2:40-3:25

Block eight: Art with Professor Card (assisted by Meshell Mermaid) 3:30-4:15

Dinner may be had at any time after this, as can counselling with Baba Yaga or Mother Goose. Lights out is at 10:30

Raven smiled at the schedule she only didn’t know two of the names on here. She was nervous to start her time at EAH but as long as she had good grades and a clear head she was sure she would do fine.

Notes:

I am really sorry this took so long, I kept forgetting about it because of school and COVID. btw if anyone knows how to make a master post and pin it could you please let me know? I would like to be able to do that. I also just got an AO3 account so I might post on there.

Taglist For The Silent Queen:

@virgil-is-a-cutie @justafanwarrior @bee-a-garbage-shipper @spicybelladonna @starrry-nites @tired-butterfly @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @themagicmistic @a-star-with-a-human-name @futursworld @pepelachanel @me-with-a-z-and-double-the-e @wolf-for-life

@iz-bell-saiah @thebookwormfairy @fantasiame

[ceridwyn2]

This may seem like a stupid (and unpopular with some) question, with AO3, is there a way to filter out some writers in search results? I’m doing a search through a particular fandom (no, not stating which one, as I’ve seen it across more than just one fandom) at the moment, and there is a lot of crap there amongst the good gems. I’m picky when I read fanfic 😅 , and a lot of times I don’t have time to wade through hundreds/thousands of stories to look for the good ones.

By the way, this ended up being a lot longer than I originally intended 😂 as I was thinking it through. What I like in the stories I read as follows:

A) Be grammatically correct

B) Spelling correct

C) Sentence & paragraph structure correct. Dialogue for each character in separate paragraphs.

D) Point of View: maintain one person’s point of view either for the whole scene or whole story. Especially important if stories are written in first person (I/My/Me) or second person (You/Them/They). These stories are often harder to write and maintain throughout well. If it’s first person, you’re only writing from one character’s point of view: on how *I* see/hear/experience the things around *me*. *I* don’t/can’t know what the other characters are thinking/feeling other than what *I* see/observe in their behaviour, unless they tell *me* what they think/feel. Writing in second person is equally difficult to maintain unless you’re very skilled at it. You’re writing as though your addressing the reader/person directly, as if you know them personally, intimately (does not need to be sexually) by using *you*. / Example: You love to write; you should do it more often. / If you’re of a certain age and remember the ‘choose your own adventure’ child/young adult books of the 70s-90s, they were in a person point of view.

Majority of fanfiction, and fiction in general is written in third person. Third person is like you’re the audience watching a tv show/film/play/book. You’re a non-active participant of what is happening and cannot affect the direction or outcome of the story. The primary subject of the scene is referred to by their name or rank and their pronoun(s), and is often the first character mentioned at/near beginning of the scene / Example: DCI Cassie Stewart walked into the incident room of her Historic Cases Unit, with a quick glance at her officers before heading into her office. It wasn’t long before her second in command, DS Sunil Khan, or Sunny, as he preferred, wrapped on the glass window pane of her office door. / That scene is dictated from her point of view, how she directs those around her and how those around her interact with her. Had it been slightly different, but same scenario: /DS Sunil Khan looked up as the door to the Historic Cases Unit opened and saw his boss, DCI Stewart, make her way to her office, glancing at the team as she did. Having got some new leads on their current case overnight, Sunny headed towards her office to notify her ahead of the day’s briefing. / This obviously changes whose point of view is the primary for that scene to Sunil.

Third person It allows the writer to explore different perspectives and viewpoints of different characters to move the story forward. However, that being said, to avoid reader confusion, pick one character - a main character, supporting character, or a villain - as the primary character of that scene and stick with their focus/perspective for the duration of a scene/chapter. If you want to express multiple character’s reactions or points of view to a specific same scene (like say a team of detectives coming onto a murder scene) and if it makes sense to do so, you can write the scenes same but different as each character will have their own take on what they saw/perceived/when they entered/exited the scene - but each character that you’re writing about will have a separate section, separated by punctuation marks, above and below the change of perspective. However, that can easily come across as too repetitive for the reader. Might be best to put that in a notes page each scene of how each sees the same scene - because you as the audience can visualise the characters as being there, when they arrived and what they observed. When you write the scene, write it from one character’s point of view, but as you have the other characters interacting with them, they can comment on what they saw observed, contributing to the overall pieces of information, without repetition, unless it contradicts or adds to a specific point being made.

E) Age correlateable. By which I mean, if someone’s going to write about established characters that are in their 40s, 50s, etc., their life experiences, maturity, have them act/respond to each other as such. I have read stories - or rather attempted to - but the mental maturity of the author was showing through characters in their 40s, 50s, and it was obvious the writer hasn’t grasped that maturity of the characters. Listen to the character’s voices (what they’re saying, how they’re saying, even what they’re not saying but expressing visually) you’re writing about. This really comes out when writing arguments and sex scenes, btw.

F) Physical/mental characteristics: If a character has an illness or physical disability, or like affecting joints or paralysed limbs, amputations, or anything that affects movement, be aware of that, esp if writing a sex scene (a whole other rabbit hole of bad writing exists there, see next item). If in an argument, you’re trying to express the character throwing something in anger, like a mug/glass, etc., for example, and the character has an injured/disabled arm, their strength to throw is going to be limited. Show the character’s frustration that the action they wanted had less effect at releasing that anger/frustration. If the character has a visual (partial or full blindness) or auditory disability (eg. hard of hearing, deafness in one or both ears, over-sensitive to sound/volume), take that into account. Esp in arguments, if one of the people in the scene has a tendency to mumble, they may not be understood as words run together are not easily decipherable either by sound or lip reading. Mental health /illness (eg PTSD /complex PTSD [cPTSD], depression, anxiety affects physical health responses. If the characters have mental health disorders, be aware and maintain that continuity through the story. Don’t need to mention it all the time but be aware it can affect movement/physical responses, behaviour. And unless you’re House, you don’t need to include every odd, weird, very rare symptom he seems to need to diagnose something for the character 😂 .

G) Sex scenes: some are done so well that it’s seamless and flows well with the other parts of the story, where the intimacy blends well. Others, very much no so. Unless it’s a specifically written PWP (plot, what plot) story, and those can work when written well. Trust me, I’ve read otherwise well-written stories ruined by a sex scene that reads like a bad porn with characters that otherwise had physical limitation(s) in the rest of the story but were suddenly able to pull off manoeuvres of someone 20 years younger and fully able-bodied. Like someone just tacked on an explicit sex scene on that didn’t mesh with the story as if they were two completely different people that happened to have the same names as the ones in the rest of the story.

H) Continuity. Whether your story is short or long, be aware of where your characters are/what they’re doing. Having a sense of timing. Helpful to have a notepad (digital or paper) sometimes to keep track of movement. They can’t be in two concurrent scenes at the same time. Passing off information between the characters; don’t assume one character (or group of characters) knows what the other(s) are doing, unless they are in contact with each other (visual/audio/both/text). Cause/effect. Action/reaction. There may be delayed effects or reactions (over scenes/chapters), but reference them back to the original cause or action and why there was a delay. For example, somebody witnesses or experiences a tragedy, war, fire, sexual assault, accident, or other traumatic experience, and it triggers a delayed emotional or physical response hours, days, months, years later. The character may or may not be able to explain to their partner, colleague, friend what it was that caused effect/reaction. Similarly, following onto earlier example of a thrown glass/mug/vase, if it smashes there could be subsequent injury from ceramic/glass/etc. like a cut finger/palm of hand if picking up the pieces/cleaning the mess. So maybe it requires a bandage or wrap. Continuity would include making further grasping of things discomforting or painful, maybe a comment from another person inquiring what happened later on if they’re noticing a bandage that wasn’t there the last time they saw them.

I) Alternate Universe stories. I don’t mind AUs when done right - so that even if the characters are placed in a different setting, their general personality traits are very recognizable. I’ve read quite a few that nail this perfectly. Others, not so much. When it works, it works. Otherwise it’s just slapping familiar names onto original fic just to get more eyes on a story.

[sleepinabath]

“What happened this morning?”

Warnings: insecurities, body image, 

Story Length: 2k

Summary: You are the kindest person of your year. Always lifting up others and giving a hand whenever possible. Behind the front you are insecure and broken. You never show anyone your pain, but one day after speeding out of the great hall Draco sees a glimpse of your hidden side. 

A/N: This is my first imagine on tumblr. Let me know if I should make a part 2. (not my gif btw)

Y/n l/n was a kind Hufflepuff 5th year. She was the person that partnered with the new kid, the person who was positive through the tough times, the person anyone could come to judgement free, the person who always reminded her friends that they were perfect and beautiful. But when the sun went down and no one was there to tell her about their problems her mind filled with terrible thoughts. While everybody else in the castle was dreaming, y/n was reminded of all the things she hated about herself, all the things that made her less beautiful, all the things that she thought others hated about her. Fortunately y/n was good at hiding her pain, she attempted much more around her current boyfriend, Draco Malfoy, and so no one realized that all her happiness and confidence was a façade. 

Coincidentally that façade had gotten her the boyfriends she tries too hard to hide from. When he confessed his feelings for her she asked why. Why would Draco Malfoy, the Prince of Slytherin want her, a simple Hufflepuff? 

“For so many reasons y/n, too many to count. For starters you are beautiful, and positive...” 

That is where y/n stopped listening. Her faux optimism had landed her a boy that almost every girl in the school swooned over.

Tonight was no different. Y/n pictured the scenario that had tormented her during her waking hours and disrupted her sleep. Draco Malfoy walking into the great hall with Pansy Parkinson on his arm. They would walk over to her house table and reveal her deepest darkest insecurities. The remarks weren’t the same every time. Some times Malfoy would touch on Y/n’s body issues saying:

“How could I ever date anyone that fat?”

or 

“The moment I saw your body it was over.”

Sometime Parkinson would strike on her insecurity around cheating by saying things like:

“Did you really think he could have liked you? You were a cute charity case.”

and

“Did you not wonder why he never went further?”

Always after they spewed their hate and walked away the entire hall would begin to laugh and some of her closest friends would agree or worse point out how stupid she was to think that Malfoy would actually like her. Every time this played out in Y/n’s head she would cry. 

Tonight Y/n decided to go into the dorms bathroom so as not to wake up her dorm mates. She looked at her red cheeks and puffy eyes and began to agree with the dream Parkinson and Draco. Y/n began to examine her body, only making;  her cry harder as she traced her finger along the few stretch marks Y/n had on her hips and thighs, pulling on the little fat that clung to her calves and stomach. At this point y/n had ran out of tears and was exhausted, stepping out of the bathroom she looked around at the other beds. All these girls were beautiful and thin. 

Why can’t I be like that? 

Why can’t I have a body and face that I like?

~~~

Waking up the next morning y/n saw all her tired dorm mates starting their day as well. Some were brushing their teeth and humming a tune, some were picking out their outfit, and some like y/n were just waking up. You got out of bed reluctantly and started choosing your outfit for the day. Your options were all very similar, big jeans and a t-shirt with your robes. You decided on your favorite pair of white wash blue jeans and one of your dad’s old band shirts. You and all your roommates finished your respective morning rituals at around the same time and then walked to the great hall together for breakfast. 

Y/n ate about the same thing everyday for breakfast, an egg, berries, and if she was really hungry a piece of toast with jam. Beginning to eat everyone started talking about classes and homework, the usual beginning of day complaints or excitement. You added to these conversations while also watching the hall door to see when Draco walked in and if he walked in with anyone. 

Soon after you and your friends came into the hall Draco came in. He was accompanied by his standard group, Crabbe, Goyle, Zabinni, but today along with the usual crowd there was Pansy Parkinson right alongside him. Your heart dropped, you felt as though you were going to throw up. You didn’t let your feelings show on your face.

“Y/n what do you think will be more important on the herbology exam? Labeling or purpose?” asked her dorm mate, Diane. 

“Uh… I believe that Professor Sprout said the test would be 50/50.” y/n said coming out of your thoughts.

“Well I’m fucked. I only know the practical.”

“Come to study group tonight. We would love to have you.” 

“Thank y/n. You’re the best.” y/n had stopped paying attention at that point. y/n was trying not to notice as Pansy and Draco laughed together. It all became too much when she laid her hand on his forearm.

“Hey, I think I left something in the dorm. I’ll meet you guys in class?” y/n was just barely keeping her voice level. They all bid her goodbye and she walked very quickly out of the hall. 

Tears were starting to spill from her eyes down y/n’s cheeks when she heard footsteps behind her. Y/n began to walk quicker trying to get as far away as possible from anyone. 

You’re being so stupid. Crying over a boy

She was just trying to make you jealous, and you fell for it

She could not let anyone see her cry. Y/n was the confident, nice, Hufflepuff, and if someone saw her breakdown it would put into question anything she had ever said, every bit of advice would be watered down by doubt.

“Y/N!” This made her stop dead. It was Draco. She wanted to run until she was in the common room, run until he had given up, but y/n knew that Draco wouldn’t give up. Even if he had lost her in this moment he would bring it up again until he figured out what was troubling her. She didn’t run, but stopped quickly whipping her eyes and taking deep breaths as Draco caught up to her.

“Hey, what up?” Y/n said doing her best to sound nonchalant.

“You left the hall…” he paused now looking at your face. 

“Good observation.” she faked a laugh. She wanted him to go away so that she could cry in peace. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Of course.” Y/n moved to leave but he grabbed her wrist.

“Yes?” her voice broke a little.

“Have you been crying?” he face was painted with concern 

“No, just allergies. I was actually just about to-” a tear rolled down her face. “To get my allergy medication but...” It was all y/n could do to keep the sobbs out of her voice.

“Hey-”

“Draco I really need to go.” y/n knew that she wouldn’t be able to keep her tears in much longer. Walking away she felt the tears fall fast and hot down her cheeks. Thankfully Draco didn’t follow her.

~~~

Y/n missed her first class of the day. She made up an excuse to her friends about being nauseous. 

“Are you sure you want to go to class y/n?” Her roommate Diane said as you all walked to potions.

“Yeah, I’m fine now.” Y/n said quickly.

“Whatever you say.” 

Y/n’s second lesson of the day was double potions with the Slytherins. When you walked into class you avoided his piercing gaze. She knew that Draco would try to talk to you during class. To bypass his awkward questions you sat next to one of her friends named Annalise. 

“Not sitting with Draco?” Annalise asked.

“I can hangout with Draco any old time. Besides he’s not great shakes at potions.” y/n said this while pulling out your potions textbook

She made it through potions without having to speak to Draco. She was feeling more confident that he would drop it until you were leaving class. Y/n was walking with all your friends when she felt something cold wrap around her hand. She stopped creating a ripple effect among the crowd she had been enveloped in. 

“Can I speak to you?” Draco asked in a low voice.

“Hey, I’ll meet you in class.” Y/n said to her friends. They all giggled as you two walked away. She didn’t feel like laughing at all. She felt like throwing up. The last thing she wanted to do was talk to Draco about what happened this morning. Draco pulled you into an empty classroom, and began to pace.   

“What’s up?” y/n said cooly.

“What happened?” he stopped his pacing to ask.

“Nothing, I just wasn’t feeling well.” she moved to him. She tried to comfort him by rubbing his arm. He moved away from his gesture.

“Bullshit.” he didn’t yell, but said it fervently.

Y/n didn’t have anything to say. Half of her wanted to break down in front of him, too cry and tell him all the things that plagued her mind by night. The other half of her wanted to leave the room and make him so mad that he forgot about all things that had happened this morning. Y/n couldn’t bring herself to do either, so she just stood there in silence.

“What happened this morning?”

“Nothing. I just wasn’t feel-” y/n began to lie again but Draco cut her off.

“What’ the real reason?” he said looking at her with a mix of caring and frustration

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Draco’s only response was an irritated sigh. y/n was also starting to get annoyed. Why couldn’t he just drop it. It wasn’t as if the real reason mattered greatly. 

“You know what I realized today.”

“Enlighten me.”

“You have never once cried in front of me. You haven’t even confided a negative thought.”

“Because I don’t need to.” y/n stated flatly looking at her feet.

“Your telling me you have never once had a negative thought?” Draco asked doubtfully.

“Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“So if you do have other emotions besides inspirational, why have I never heard about them?”

“Because... Because I’m an optimist.”

“Optimist or not, no one can bottle up their emotions before losing their minds eventually.” She couldn’t think of anything to say. Y/n knew he was right. She had been so broke and defeated for so long now. All Y/n could think to do was continue looking at her shoes because she knew that if she met his eye she wouldn’t be able to hold it together.

“Look at me... please.” y/n could hear the concern all through his voice. Slowly she turned her face to his. Y/n was determined not to break down and just go to herr next class.

“We should go to class.” she said weakly barely meeting Draco’s eye.

“Class can wait, you can’t.” he spoke soberly which made it more confusing for him when Y/n giggled.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that if you knew what was going on up here.” She pointed to her forehead. “You wouldn’t have said that.” Draco moved swiftly to her and put his forehead to hers. 

“I want to know. I want to know it all. Every dark and twisted thought to your wildest dreams and fantasies. I want to know everything if you’ll tell me.”

[night-raven-dorms]

Spicy Headcanons

A/N: Yup. This is my milestone celebration gift. I just want to say a big BIG thank you to everyone for following because I was honestly not expecting the blog to grow this quickly. I made this blog with the mentality that it would get lost in the sea of blogs that are so much better than this one. Then a week later I get smacked in the face with 50 followers, and now we’re hitting close to 100. That being said, I decided to combine the 50 and 100 milestone. Enjoy you spice lovers~! Also I’m just noticing now how long Malleus and Idia’s went on... whoops. Also I apologize if these are cringe

- The forever grateful GW

~

Idia Shroud:

A switch (I’ll explain later)

As you probably could all guess, he was shy about the first couple of times you did it, so you had to take lead

When he gets the hang of things

Have fun

One of the things that drives him wild is if and when you keep his sweatshirt on while you guys do it.

You have done a lot of things in his computer chair

You have, and multiple times, sucked his dick underneath his desk. A couple of times it lead to you riding him in the chair

Speaking of riding him, that’s his favorite position because he can see all of you. Not only that, but he can keep you close and kiss you

Luckily you don’t have the “dead fish” problem with him. He loves to hold your hips to set a pace, and he does thrust into you.

He’s a bit on the whiner side of moaning

Did I ever mention that he is a god with his mouth? Because he is.

The boy has woken you up by giving you head before on multiple occasions because he likes watching you slowly come to realization and come undone. Just saying

Hey, remember when I said he was a switch?

Well, one time you were being a tease and edging him on, and you could have sworn you saw his hair flicker red. You kept doing it and he suddenly flipped you over. His hair was dark red and he had a certain look in his eyes (if anyone has seen the “Idia online” picture someone did. Yeah it’s that one)

You didn’t walk after that one

Yeah, Idia has two modes: online red mode and blue mode

Blue Idia is a gentle, cute, submissive, bottom

Red Idia is a sexy hot piece of dominant top

Red Idia moans are 😚👌

Red Idia’s favorite position is face down ass up

It’S tHe BeSt oF bOtH wOrLdS

Also he probably builds his own toys. Ignihyde is the tech dorm

He has a thing for thigh high socks. Pass it on

He’s a butt guy. Just trust me.

And just between you and me... I heard he likes getting hickies from you

~

Malleus Draconia:

This boy is a gentle Dom. He’s a lot stronger than he looks, and he doesn’t want to hurt you

Worships you like a god(dess). He doesn’t have a favorite part of your body. He loves all of you

Top but leaning switch. He likes to take charge, but if you want to ride him, go for it.

Guy or girl, he will treat you like a pillow princess. Like, he will literally take care of you in bed

(You’ll understand this one if you’ve read the Diasomnia dorm HC’s) Malleus puffing out smoke is oddly attractive and lowkey cute don’t @ me

It mostly happens when he gets frustrated. i.e. one time when he was close to cumming in your mouth, he huffed out of frustration when you suddenly stopped, and you could see a really light cloud of smoke escape his lips

Speaking of lips, he loves to kiss you when either of you are close. Tbh he just wants to show his love for you

Just because I keep mentioning how sweet he is, doesn’t mean he can’t be a little rough because he can, and will if asked/brought to that state

You can always tell when he’s like that because his pupils are dilated so thin

Even if his thrusts get deeper, harder, and faster he won’t ever harm you besides making you sore. Like – for example – you wanted him to choke you, he’ll only pit a hand around your neck but won’t actually commit to it

He’s actually pretty vanilla. The farthest he’s gone (so far at least) is blindfolding and ice play. He’s not really into the freaky during sex unlike a certain pink and black haired boy i know 👀

He loves it when you grip onto him

Listen, he’s probably touch starved let him have this

And give special love and attention to the two huge scars on his back. He’ll practically melt if you do

Btw, his favorite position is missionary because he can see all of you and other reasons stated above

Oh yeah,

He has stamina. And when I say stamina, I mean stamina

~

Azul Ashengrotto:

Another gentle dom... or so it seemed

The first couple of times, he treated you lovingly and was very gentlemanly about it. You could always tell something was off though

One day/night before you guys started you told him to “not hold back anymore” and he was hesitant about it. 

“Are you sure?”

“Azul I’m not a piece of paper.”

Yeah, you couldn’t walk the next day

He’s got two modes (like Idia lol) one is where he’s loving, and the other is sadistic

He can and more than likely will dirty talk you. He’ll stop if you feel uncomfortable with it

There are two main places: the bedroom and his office

Being dorm leader and manager puts a lot of stress on him and he’s gotta release the stress and anger somehow

When you guys do it in the office, you’re bent over/on his work desk

Floyd and Jade hear you guys but don’t say anything. They do give you knowing glances though

Shower sex

One time you were messing around at the lounge and you found the employee uniforms and put one on. Azul walked in on you and just lost it

Jade and Floyd yeeted out of there real fast

There was the other time you dressed as a maid too

Alright look, I’m not saying he has tentacles, but he can probably summon some. Cue the “I’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going”

One of the best people to give after care (the other being Vil, but that’s for another time). Like while you’re cleaning up he makes you your favorite drink, changes the sheets, helps you get dressed, and cuddles you until you fall asleep

~

Trey Clover:

One of the two tops in Heartslabyul

If any of you are surprised, look at his face. His face alone says it all

I hope you’re prepared because this boy is one of the rougher and riskier ones

He’s also a bastard

Quickies in the bathroom between classes. Somehow you both don’t get caught

I’m going to be very real with you, he’s a bit of a sadist

Orgasm denials you for fun

Enjoys watching you attempt to get yourself off when he suddenly stops using his hand

The type of person that just stops thrusting when he sees your about to cum

Listen, if you want to be on top, you gotta assert yourself. Like literally keep your hands on his chest and start moving (he knows he’s stronger than you and can probably flip you, but he let’s you do your thing)

Wall sex with impatient Trey. Just imagine it

Likes to mark your body with hickies. He’ll put it in places you can hide it. He’s not that much of an asshole 

If you really want to turn the tables on him, suck his dick. Cool demeanor = gone

Has made an interesting way to tutor you for classes you struggle in

Aka the more questions you get right, the faster his hand goes. The more you get wrong it gets slower

Now you maybe wondering why I keep mentioning his hands. That’s because he has the “yaoi hands.” You know the guys hands that are super nice, big, with the long fingers

Listen, I know I said he’s a top, but one of his favorite positions is when your in his lap leaning back on him as he thrusts into you

One time you jokingly wore a crown, and he literally called you a king/queen the entire time. Safe to say you were shook

~

Divus Crewel:

Ah yes. Divus Crewel

He is all types of everything

Do I even need to make the joke of what position he likes the most? Because uh 🐶

He got you a beautifully made red collar. There was a doggy tag, but you take it off when you wear it in public so it looks like a choker. All the students are confused when the professor gets shaken up when his assistant walks in to hand him papers

Being with Divus means you have a lot of nice and pricy clothing. Lingerie included (for my females out there)

His favorite on you is black and red babydoll with little white bows. That plus one of his fur coats makes him feral crazy. Be ready to be pounded

You guys have done some risky stuff. Like you hiding underneath his office desk and giving him head. Or you wearing a vibrator while you were working on papers (he started turning it up when he was bored). Or you guys having a quickie in the staff bathroom

Time to address the elephant in the room: the riding crop

He uses it to give you, ahem, “punishments” 👀

He has multiple, but they all look the same. You can’t tell the difference, but he can and he constantly teases you about telling the students what it’s used for

You’ve gotten a glove kink because of him

Will go down on you like an all you can eat buffet (he’s probably had you sit on his face before)

Doesn’t exactly moan, but he does pant 

get it like a dog? (someone shoot me for that... jk don’t really pls)

He uses his tie as a blindfold and/or gag

Highly recommend that you pull his hair a bit. He loves it

He has a love seat in his bedroom...

[cogneartive]

The Great Peter Infodump of March 2020

yo @brackets-and-woolly-hats @mijaco-geo and @mike-nesmith-for-mayor I have recently been informed that yall would really like me to infodump about Peter and I want to thank yall because I think if I held it in any longer I would explode

Also thanks to the coolcherrycream articles and various interviews that I learnt all these from in the 5-ish months I’ve been thinking about the monkees for

But before I start going hnngggg Peter I would like to warn you that despite my tone this is going to contain some heavy stuff. We’re talking brief mentions of blood, and suicide and death so be careful about that

This is gonna get hella long so *cracks knuckles* let’s begin

Childhood

let’s start from the very beginning: a very good place to start

Friday, 13th February one bb was born and he would always say that Friday the 13th was a lucky day for years onwards

He was born with a lot of diversity in his parentage

He’s Irish and German-Jewish on his mother’s side and Norwegian on his dad’s side

Speaking of Jewishness (is that a word???) I rememeber an article saying that he used to randomly say Hebrew words in interviews and I think he taught Mike how to say something too?? I dont know

Peter was a very friendly boy even when he was just a toddler cus he would drag any new friend he had home

Anyway, he was born in Washington DC

Once on Christmas he went missing and his mum and grams panicked and looked all over the house for him

Turns out he was just waiting at lampost in the snow because he wanted to make sure that Santa would bring him a present

Speaking of Grams, when he was 3 (i think im doing this from memory) he was at a post office with his mother when she came in.

He got uber excited and shouted “THAT’S MY GRAMS. HER NAME IS CAIT!”

And so everyone turned to look at her and he squealed

He would also often ride on the top part double deck buses and whenever the bus slowed down, he would wave to nearby people and say “HI MY NAME’S PETER WHAT’S YOUR?” to which those people who wave back and sometimes answer him. I mean, wouldn’t you?

Also he started to play with pianos when he was 3 and also he liked dancing so that’s cute

One of his first memories was of being at the hospital where his brother Nick (who they called Nicky and that’s what I’m going to call him) was born

Soon after Nicky was born they moved to Germany Yeet. He was 4 and the time and Nicky was like 18 months or smth

Germany

Right so I dont know why people dont talk about this part of his childhood because like,,,it’s interesting??

In Germany they had two maids

They had to put sugar in every food so that Peter and Nicky would actually eat the strange German food

He became very fluent in German and would help his mother with translations

He was also fluent in French for some reason

Someone made a statue of his 4 year old head and it became a famous minor art piece that featured in calendars

It probably now sits in his house because I saw in in the background of the short documentary that his son, Ivan Ivanoli made about him which you sould check btw

Anyway, when Peter was 5 he made his first official best friend Ule who was two years older than him

Once when he was playing hide and seek with Nicky he ran at full force at a closed glass door that he thought was open, shattering it, and getting a shard into his arm. Reasonably he screamed

Apparently, he was hurt a major artery and would have bled to death if not for someone being in the house to call a doctor

Once he was out and about wandering around, as you would do if you were Peter when he was stopped by some official looking guy from going back into his own house.

It’s important to note that Peter looked very much like a German boy and would ONLY talk in German outside. God knows why he did this.  Reasonably, the dude thought he was lying and he had to call for his mum

Anyway, in Germany school starts when you’re five but his birthday was in the middle of the school year so his parents sent him in early which set him up for some outcasted child syndrome later

And then the moved back to America yeet

AMERICA (LAND OF CAPITALISM)

So he moved back into America but it didn’t stop there. No. They had to move around like a 100 different times and as someone who went to a total of 4 different schools (so far oh no) that sets you up with outcasted child syndrome. What also sets you up with outcasted child syndrome is if you’re an undiagnosed neurodivergent which Peter seemed to think he was when he was in his 50s (either ADHD or autism) so uhh keep that in mind

So he was in school and as mentioned earlier he was a year younger than his peers so that’s fun

He was very very clever. Often he would finish his work first and his (4th grade) teacher would make do some reading or creative writing. She encouraged him to do creative writing because she saw some talent in there

Not only was he acadmically gifted, but he was also musically gifted. Playing not only the piano (which he got lessons for) but also the guitar, the banjo, the bass, and the french horn which he got an award for when he was in highschool playing in a band made out of college students for some reason

Speaking of awards, he was once given an award for maths

This giftedness would later set him up for Gifted Child Burnout he had in college

Also he changed schools like a total of 13 times so that’s fun

He went to a private school but apparentl, according to his parents, he hated it (but he remembered liking it???)

Also, he made a lot of jokes in class

Remember Nicky? Yeah, Nicky would often write songs for him to sing and stuff (Nicky would later write songs for Peter’s solo album and a bunch of other stuff what a great brother we stan)

The family had some kind of barn once where he would do puppet shows his siblings

Anyway, school life was all fine and dandy until 5th grade hit and he changed schools and everyone lost interest in him because he was one year younger

Also his dad was apparently very disconnected with him. Needless to say, Peter felt like his father didn’t like him

Once when he was 9, he told his father that he noticed that when the clouds were around at night, it would be warmer during the day to which his father shouted at him saying that “he has no proof of that” and that he shouldn’t say anything without proof

This of course led him to feel like no one wanted to listen to what he wanted to say

poor baby

I think his father would have been the reason why Peter would later say in an interview that he hated “loud abusiveness” the most

He would also later say that a combination of his dad and feeling like he was weird and different would lead him to his drinking problem

So umm we dont stan his dad ok

Once when he was 13 he picked up a loaded shotgun and put it against his head. But he decided that he didn’t want to do it at the last second.

Overall, life from 5th grade till highschool was terrible for him

He didn’t have any friends in his school

So when he moved to a new school in Conneticut where he was surrounded with people of the same age, he was really happy all the way until college where he flunked out twice

Hippie Time (Honestly this part is just me talking about him and Stephen Stills because Steter Stirk changed me)

And so Peter became a hippie in Greenwich Village

In the Village, he became a sort of entertainer. Not just singing and playing, he was also a comedian. 

And then he kept hearing about this dude who looked like him from other people.

This dude turned out to be Stephen who was also hearing the same kind of talk for about the same amount of time

Pete and Stephen VIBED im not kidding they started to play with each other and also Stephen’s room mate who was also there

Also it turns out that they liked to talk about the same things so that’s neat

Peter went to Venuzuela apparently and when he came back the Monkee thing happened yeet

Once when Stephen was waiting to move into his new house Peter was all like “hey dude live with me”

For a while they also lived in the same house when he was Monkee and if that doesn’t fuel any ship fics I dont know what will

Im serious the ship is here and its real I saw fics and fanart

Dont ask about Stirk

They played with the colour tv and would “pick apart each other’s brains” umm

Also Peter’s favourite band was buffalo springfield and we stan a friend who would say your band was their favourite band

And I think this is where my knowledge starts to fade because I haven’t really heard any cool facts from here on afterwards

Last Final Cool Facts

He was a teacher for quite a while and taught about Maths, basketball (despite not liking any sport except swimming) and Easter Philosophy,,,yes easter philosphy the man was into that kinda stuff

Also he was a big reader. Always having a smoll book in his pocket that he would read while on set with the Monkees. But he was particularly a non fic kinda guy

He would write poetry on the back of scripts

In the 2000s he said that his sister thought he might have ADD

Also autism but when asked about it he’d be all P E R H A P S

which is very unhelpful Peter pls give us a straight answer

I mean he cant give us straight answers because he was the gayest monkee (he fricked a dude once but he didn’t like it)

Hey look I ended on a gay note yeet. Thanks for reading this mess

[jbuffyangel]

The Weekly Rundown (10/07/18-10/13/18)

Sorry so late! I’m getting caught up on articles. Almost there :) Time to rundown what I’m watching, loving, hating and everything in between! Spoilers ahead!

God Friended Me (”The Good Samaritan”)

Confession time: I didn’t pay very close attention to this week’s episode, but Miles and Cara continue to be adorable. Pretty sure I ship it.

Manifest (”Turbulence”)

I’m not really feeling the chemistry between Josh Dallas and Athena Karkanis. However, the chemistry between  Melissa Roxburgh and JR Ramirez is smoldering.

Josh Dallas is my blue eye baby who makes me feel all the things. He conveyed so many emotions without saying a word in the scene where Ben and Grace discussed the man in her life. WOW!    

I want to believe Grace is in love with Ben and not Danny (because it's Josh Dallas and that's all the reason she needs), but I'm not buying it... yet

The whole twins being different ages is a never ending mind bender.

Seriously though what did Ben do for a living?

The Gifted (“coMplications”)

All I want is for Marcos to hold Dawn forever and snuggle with Lorna. Why can’t I have the things that I want?

But seriously though these Marcos and baby scenes are killing me.

Marcos fighting the Frost sister’s mind control was amazing. He was ready to tear everything apart to get his Lorna and his baby. SO HOT.

Andy, buddy what are you doing? Sure, they gave you a better hair cut and cool clothes, but Reeva is crazy. Tell me you know that boy!

I’m having trouble understanding why Reed didn’t want to tell his wife and daughter his powers were coming back. He has two mutant children! They tried to equate Lauren’s fear of “coming out” to Reed’s but it’s just not the same. He was her parent and he hunted mutants. She legitimately feared her father’s rejection. Reed isn’t in the same situation at all and I see no reason to for him to be lying to everyone for months.

Kate hugs Reed once he tells her the truth, which is nice, but were we really expecting her to reject him? Did the writers forget they have two mutant children?

The Gifted blew past all the build up to Clarice and John’s relationship and now they’ve sewn the seeds for the break up - in the third episode. This whole “Clarice is a spy for the Erg and lies to John about it” storyline is only going one place. John is doing his fair share of lying and pushing Clarice away. Needless to say I am unhappy with how this relationship is being handled.

F.B.I. (“Green Birds” and  “Prey”)

Finally got caught up on F.B.I. I thought “Prey” was a much stronger episode than “Green Birds.” 

I am so glad they cast Sela Ward! I love her. Her character is much more likable as Maggie and Omar’s boss.

I’m here for Omar doing hot things because Omar is hot. I feel warm every time he talks about his military experience. 

Still a little iffy about this show, but I’ll stick with it for now.

This Is Us (Katie Girls)

The depth of my hate for Jack's father knows no bounds.

"Or you can stay and I'll kill him." Honestly, I was okay with that option too Jack.

Randall is a mess watching his brother's movie and I stan this bromance so hard.

I am really freaking glad Randall is taking Kate on because I AM SO MAD AT HER.

Well that conversation swerved quickly. Stay on point Randall.

Okay well now we're off on a whole other thing and Kate is crying. Good grief children.

Not sure how Randall & Kate's discussion became a fight about adoption. The point was to discuss Kate's insensitivity regarding her remark about being the only person able to pass on Jack's genes. How did she turn it into Randall's insensitivity about her miscarriage?

Beth, Miguel and Toby having a group text to discuss their messed up in laws is AMAZING.

Randall is terrible at apologizing but also WHY IS HE APOLOGIZING?

I'm trying to hang with my girl Kate here. I've had a miscarriage and it's devastating, but your personal pain is not an excuse to be hurtful to others. Understanding where Randall was coming from was not a long bridge to cross.

I am so relating to Kevin putting the pieces together regarding Jack's service.

Beth got fired? NOOOOOO. My Beth!  

Toby's reaction to Randall showing up was gold.

KATE AND JACK ARE DREAM SEQUENCING AND I AM NOT OKAY. Btw Jack could you advise Kate to stop being such a jackass to Randall? Thanks bro.

Awkward Rebecca and Jack is the worst. You are soul mates kids. Get it together.  

Jack wants to marry you Rebecca and have lots and lots of babies. You are his dream.

I hope Randall and Beth have 9 months of savings. Suze Orman says you need 9 months of savings.

Marriage is never 50/50. But I think Beth and Randall have been going 90/10 for awhile and it's time for that ratio to shift.

I love how the writers find commonality in their characters in ways you never thought of before. Randall and Toby sharing their struggles with depression and anxiety was such a beautiful way to bond these characters

Kate wanted to marry Mark Paul Gosselar. Same girl.

"You came across the country to say you are sorry. That's the most Dad move ever." HELLO KATE. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. You could have added that he didn't need to apologize and you are the one who is sorry but I don't want to editorialize too much. Carry on.)

Rebecca pulled a Jack Pearson on Jack Pearson. EPIC.

Marry you the man who does dishes. 

A Million Little Things (”Save The Date”)

HOLY. FREAKING. CRAP. THEY. ALL. FOUND. OUT. That was fast y’all! Wow!

If we’re blowing past the big affair secret does that mean we’ll find out the reason John killed himself? It’s an annoying mystery. Cough up the answers, show.

All the awards to Grace Park. She’s been sadly under utilized on this show until now and boy did she come out swinging. The scenes where she confronts Eddie and Delilah were amazing. 

I cheered when Grace slapped Eddie. I have no sympathy for him. He’s cheating because his wife is gone at work all the time? It’s called a mortgage jackass. Guitar lessons aren’t going to get it done. 

It irritates me when people act like they have no choice in who they sleep with. Eddie is walking around like falling in love with Delilah was an accident. Listen pal you are a grown ass man. You made choices. Own it. Cheating is such a mean thing to do.  Nobody is forcing anyone to stay in these marriages. Get a divorce before you go hopping into bed with someone else.

I’m only slightly less angry with Delilah but that’s only because her husband jumped off a building. Her scene where she screams to friends to ask if she was the reason John killed himself was gutting. Guit is a bitch.

By the way, even if Jon made his peace with the affair it doesn’t make the affair okay. Also, nobody asked for Katherine’s opinon. Pretty sure she’d tell everyone where to stick if if they’d did though.

I feel like Gary is representing the audience in this episode, i.e. me. I don’t think the writers needed to muddy the water with Gary’s issues with marriage, his parents divorce and his birthday. I understand Jon and Delilah were his shining example of marriage bliss, but we didn’t need to make this about his childhood trauma. His anger was warranted by itself. Delilah and Eddie did an awful thing.

We need to move it along with Maggie’s storyline. She’s the friends-with-benefit-rando-friend-everyone-just-met-but-pretend-like-they’ve-known-her-since-always. Her impermanence in all of these people’s lives makes the level she’s included in things... odd. Let’s get the cancer out in the open and solidify her relationships - particularly with Gary. 

Blindspot (“Hella Duplicitous”)

Jane's hair is long. That's how ya know she's evil again

Seriously how do they not know Remi is back? She's so cranky. Jane is much more cheerful. Also, I feel like her voice is three octaves lower.

Remi can fight with samurai swords. Who knew? A list of all of her skills would be great.

Do I call her Remi or Jane y'all? I'm going with Remi for now.

Remi's impression of Jane being worried about Kurt was pretty spot on. Well played evil one.

Anyone else enjoying Remi looking all murdery every time anyone mentions Roman is dead? Same girl. Except I'm sad Luke Mitchell isn't on the show anymore not murdery because that'd be weird.

Jane's dying except she's Remi so like that's a double dose of suck.

Oh score. Cure. This is like Elena being vampire. They'll fix it. I ain't worried. Imma gonna get Jeller babies. Or should I say PLEEEEEEEEEASE give me Jeller babies.

OH MY GOD SHE'S HALLUCINATING ROMAN. Luke Mitchell IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so here for Roman being the crazy voice in Jane/Remi's head.

Sorry Remi. Your super evil terrorist group is canceled. Sorry not sorry girl. Watch Season 1-Season 3 and catch up girl.

Two Sandstorm operatives is more like a club than a terrorist group, but okay Remi. Gotta start somewhere I guess.

It's weird that the cure is re-erasing Remi's memories but also let's re-erase Remi's memories. I ain't a fan.

Damn. Blake is dead? That... was unexpected. Okay so now I'm imagining that Blake and Roman are happy in heaven together. Leave me to my dream.

Kurt is scared... I love you my cupcake.

Wiping her memory and meeting Kurt Weller was the best thing that ever happened to Remi because she's not nice and Jane is awesome. Kudos to Blindspot for reinforcing their central love story while also wreaking absolute havoc on it.

Is Zapata evil now? Is everybody evil now?

Weitz is director. Ugh.

"You can't keep watching me all the time." Girl, he does that when you are totally healthy. Kurt Weller giving Jane fuzzy bunny stares is the show. Seriously, someone show Remi S1-S3.

Haha. She squeezed Kurt too hard to hurt him. What a bitch. Also awesome.

Zapata's smile when she sees Reade on TV. Girl go home.

Rich and Patterson are gonna cure Jane using Santa magic and it's gonna be friggin awesome.

Reciting the wedding video is creepy Remi.

Noooo.... don't break out Mama Shepherd. She be crazier than you Remi and at this point that's saying A LOT. 

[jjkfire]

Sweet Saccharine; pt. 3

Reader x Jungkook // sugardaddy!AU // 17k words

Summary: Trying your best to stay afloat in a ruthless city, you decide to join the sugar bowl. Who knew the sugar baby business would be this exciting?

Genre: Fluff?

A/N: For the purpose of this fic, I may or may not have spent 30 mins going through a wiki list of gang names… Anyway, here’s part 3 after 3-ish months! lol I’m so sorry hahaha. This chapter is a lil plot heavy but I dropped a ton of clues!!! Oh btw fun fact did you know Monet painted around 250 paintings depicting water lilies??? The picture above is of the exhibition in Musée de l'Orangerie. 

Part 1  //  Part 2  //  Part 4

Previously…

Happy didn’t even begin to describe what the hooded man feels because his plan is coming along just nicely, almost too perfectly and he smiles, admiring the pictures he’d taken of tonight. Mrs. Jeon surely would enjoy seeing these pictures, you and Jungkook together, he sighs to himself. But no, it’s too soon for that. There’s still much that he’s waiting for you to do. A perfect night indeed, he smirks.

A perfect night indeed.

Now

How did he end up here? It’s a question that he seems to be asking himself quite often lately and the answer is most usually in the form of someone he can’t seem to get his mind off, someone by the name of Y/N.

If you want to go home with all your limbs intact, I suggest you run

Your sentence rings in his ears and it’s like time slows down for a second because what can that possibly mean? It’s when he sees a man charging towards him, butcher knife in hand, that he chooses to finally move, his heart pumping adrenaline to every single vein in his body as he takes off sprinting. Sometimes he wonders why he hangs out with you, why he even likes you when you have him fearing for his life almost every other week.

He can hear you laugh as he curses at you while running. Insane, you’re completely insane, he thinks but he can’t help that sometimes his heart starts racing just as fast as it is now, even when he’s doing nothing but listening to you talk, your soft gaze enough to make his head spin.

Earlier

It’s been a fair few months since you’ve agreed to be Jungkook’s platonic sugar baby. It’s an odd arrangement that nobody but the two of you know about and that’s fine with both you and him. It’s a great job, an amazing one even because you’re being paid to be friends with a millionaire who seemingly is into doing a lot of cute things like visiting pet stores, going to the park, taking a pottery class, trying to find all the speakeasy bars in town; basically all things you’d gladly do if you had the time or money so, it doesn’t really seem like a job except at the end of it all when he drops you off at your apartment, you’re reminded that it is one when he hands you a neat little envelope filled with cash.

As the days bleed to weeks, and weeks to months, Jungkook seems to be getting the hang of being in the South side now that he stops by to pick you up from your evening shift at the convenience store, making sure like you ask, to always wait a block away. He would spot you quickly shuffling to his car, the black sedan, not the Lambo because that would only raise eyebrows or, so you say. Like always, he drives you back over to the South where the two of you would grab supper, and of course after that, the pair of you would get some donuts and sit on the bench by the riverside which honestly, is his favourite part of the night.

For someone that society often says has nothing to offer, you’ve taught him a great deal. It’s the little quirks about the South that he’s come to learn and appreciate. Over the many weeks, he’s learnt that he should always wear just a simple t-shirt and some jeans, nothing fancy when he’s on this side of the city or else he’ll get mugged… It had been a rather sticky situation that you had managed to get him out of and to this day Jungkook can’t quite remember how it all went down because it had happened so fast. One second the knife was being pointed at him shakily and the next second, it was in yours, the knife now gently sitting against the teenager’s throat, the blade in your hand identical to the two knives tattooed just under his collarbone. Your snarl alone was enough to scare the young boy off and after discarding the knife in a nearby dumpster, you grabbed Jungkook by the wrist and ran, making sure the both of you made it out of that gang’s territory. Ah, that too is something he has learnt. It’s the fact that different parts of the South are controlled by different gangs and you have them all memorized like the back of your hand because it’s a matter of life and death as he had the privilege of learning. Though he tries, he still can’t get the names of the many subset gangs down but could you really blame him for not knowing them? He wonders who comes up with the names because some of them are downright ridiculous but of course, he never says that out loud, too afraid of what will happen if someone heard him.

Just like that near-death experience, Jungkook’s come to accept that every day with you is far from normal and being with you, being down in the South has come to be one of his favourite pastimes, even if he’s been on the brink of danger more times than he would like. To be frank, it’s quite baffling to him how by just crossing a bridge, it’s like he has entered a new world, one that’s so different from the world he lives in. Yet, though there are differences, at the core everyone is the same because like the North, everyone here enjoys good food, would flock to the bars to watch sports and even enjoy art and culture like the people in the North did… which is a surprise to him because he’s always been told that Southerners didn’t know how to appreciate the finer things in life. You had laughed out loud, hand over your belly when Jungkook had told you that because oh how wrong they were. If they just peeked into any one of the penthouses of the high-ranking gang members, they’d find art collections beyond their wildest dreams, sculptures by Picasso, paintings by Klimt, Faberge eggs (you almost broke one… it’s probably why you were never invited into their residence ever again). It’s a sight you’ve only ever had the pleasure of seeing once and safe to say, it’s one that you’ll never forget. Art though appreciated by all, is only something those with money to spare could indulge in and unfortunately, living dollar to dollar means that art is a luxury, one you can’t afford… unless looking at pictures of world-famous paintings online qualifies.

“What’s the museum like?” You ask him, chomping down on your donut.

“Huh?”

“The museum, the one in town with the Picassos and Van Goghs.”

He lets out a light laugh, noting that you were talking about the art museum, one that his family so happens to be a benefactor of.

“You’ve never been?”

“No,” You snort. “Costs a bomb.”

“What do you mean? It’s only $10.”

“If you’re from the North, sure but it’s something ridiculous like $50 for us.”

Jungkook’s left at a loss for words for a while, trying to process that fact.

“I know they have a few Monet pieces in there. He’s my favourite artist,” You murmur, your eyes filled with admiration and delight. You remember seeing a Monet painting for the first time in that gang boss’ penthouse, a piece featuring the French artist’s much-loved subject, water lilies. The painting was stolen en route from the port to the auction house as was much of the art in his house, but somehow it all just looked like it belonged right there in his residence.

“Yeah,” He smiles. “You know they’re doing a special exhibition now, right? The water lilies—”

“The triptych!” You exclaim. “They’re finally reuniting the current piece they have with the other 2 right?”

Jungkook nods his head, surprised that you even knew what he was talking about.

“You have to go! It’s been decades since they’ve been shown together.”

He has no heart to tell you that he’s been to see it already, many times in fact since his family had been the one, among many others to have paid for it to be brought to the city for this very special exhibition. It’s funny to him that you know he has more than enough money to take you, but you don’t ask him to.

You’re sort of in a world of your own, telling him facts about Monet that he already knows but he nods along, listening to you speak because this is when he thinks you look the most beautiful, when you’re so immersed in whatever it is that you’re talking about that you almost forget that he’s there too. Jungkook’s never really liked the museum because he’s only been there when there are private mixers his mother forces him to attend. He hates those events because he would stand around watching person after person spew facts much like the ones you know except they had a different tone to their voice, a pompous one, as if they were trying to prove that they were the only person in the room who knew how to truly appreciate art.

“Are you free tomorrow night?” He asks when you’re finally done telling him about the Frenchman you love so much.

“I have the early evening shift at work tomorrow,” You answer. “I’ll be done around 8, is that okay?”

“That’s perfect,” He smiles. “Wear something fancy.”

“What are we doing?”

“It’s a secret.”

“Are we going to a Michelin star restaurant?” You question excitedly, your eyes lighting up at the prospect of going somewhere that costs possibly your whole month’s salary because if there was one thing you wanted to do in the North, it would be that. “Quick, you have to tell me so I can mentally prepare myself.”

Jungkook laughs, shaking his head before he gazes at you only to find that you’re actually being serious, and he takes a mental note, making sure that he’ll take you to one someday.

“So, what then?”

“It’s a secret,” He shrugs.

“If it’s another cooking class, I’m going to strangle you.”

“It’s not,” He chortles, and you give him a pointed look as if you didn’t believe him. “I swear!” He holds up his hand in promise. It’s much better than a cooking class, he laughs to himself. He doesn’t know what possesses him to even think of taking you to where he has in mind. If he’s seen with you in a place like that, he knows nothing but nasty rumours would surface but he thinks of you, thinks of your smile and somehow it’s enough for him to push his doubts aside, his mind choosing to bank on luck instead. Maybe just for that day, he wouldn’t run into someone he knows.

You let out a reluctant sigh because you hate his surprises. They’re never good ones… like that one time he wouldn’t tell you where he was taking you, so you wore the ugliest pair of jeans you owned because well… you hadn’t found the time to do your laundry yet. You almost groaned out aloud when you were stood at the bottom of the building that was home to the fanciest rooftop bar in the city, and you swore as you walked to the private roped-off section, you saw an A-list celebrity give you a look of disgust, the very same actor you’ve fawned over for years. At least that won’t be happening this time around because funnily, for this surprise, he gives you a dress code.

When Jungkook said fancy, he didn’t specify exactly what level of fancy but either way anything in your closet is far from that so that’s how you find yourself standing in the tiny staff toilet of your workplace, in your best friend’s dress. You think it’s way too flamboyant, but she said it’s the only dress she would let you walk out with because it’s your first date in years and she won’t let you wear anything else. You know that technically it isn’t a date, but you didn’t know what else to tell her the dress was for considering you couldn’t say something along the lines of hey… I got a sugar daddy of my own and funny story, his name is Jeon Jungkook, like you know the heir to a billion dollar company? That Jungkook… so, you lie.

Despite that, you thank your lucky stars that both you and Wendy are the same size but you certainly do not appreciate how she always lends you dresses that are way out of your comfort zone, just something you wouldn’t reach for in a store. The dress is beautiful, modest, not something that would make people do a double take but you’re still uncomfortable in it and perhaps it’s just the fact that you’re not quite used to dressing up at all.

The dress is a rich burgundy tone, of that of a fine wine. The fabric long and flowy, reaching down to your ankles with your heels on and in true Wendy style, has a slit that runs all the way up until your mid-thigh which did not seem like too much of a problem when you had tried it on for the first time but now, as you stride down the pavement, you feel like you’re one wide step away from flashing your panties to the strangers on the street.

Jungkook’s leaning against his car, tapping wildly at his phone, seconds away from reaching a new high score but his head perks up when he hears the frantic click-clack of your heels against the pavement. He’s staring at you, blatantly ogling you as you make your way towards him and he thinks of something smart to say, anything, but all he comes up with is

“Y/N.“

You don’t even stop to greet him, simply flashing him a smile as you make your way around the car to slide into the passenger seat.

“Hello, sorry,” You grin, greeting him once he settles himself into the driver’s seat. “People were staring at me and I think it’s just—” You fumble with your dress, trying to pull the fabric lower.

He waits for you to complete your sentence, but you don’t and that’s fine because he’s completed it for you in his head. It’s just— the fact that you look amazing, drop dead gorgeous in that dress. Obviously, he wants to say it out loud but he decides against it, simply turning the key in its ignition.

“How many cars do you have?” You question, trying to change the subject quick after a few beats of awkward silence, noticing that this car is one you haven’t seen yet.

“Uhh,” Jungkook mumbles as if he had just been shaken out of a trance. “A few…”

He had chosen the most inconspicuous one in his collection of cars, not wanting to draw attention to himself tonight considering that you’ll be by his side, that alone enough to raise a few eyebrows. The rest of the car ride is silent, save for the radio and you choose to let it be, wary of the fact that Jungkook seems to be slightly on edge.

The car weaves in and out of the evening traffic before it comes to a familiar road, one you’ve walked down frequently when you were still in college, the path a little detour you would often take after your classes to walk past a place you’ve always wanted to visit.

The art museum.

As Jungkook pulls into the private parking lot, he tries to hide the smile on his face, pretending that he doesn’t see the pure unadulterated excitement on yours as you gaze upon the building stood in front of you. You should’ve known… but then again, how could you have known? The museum would have been your first guess for tonight’s surprise but considering that it closes at 5 and that it definitely didn’t have a dress code, people often strolling in with shorts and slippers, you had crossed it off the list. So, why exactly are you here, parked at the footsteps of the museum at approximately 8.30 pm in the nicest dress you’ve ever worn?

“The museum… it closes at 5 doesn’t it?” You question.

“It does,” Jungkook answers, turning off the engine. “But they’re having a late-night exhibition this week.”

You furrow your eyebrows because you’re on the museum’s website just about every other day, hoping that one day they’ll announce a reduced pricing for Southerners like you and you remember being on it just yesterday to check but you hadn’t seen any mention of this event.

“It’s a private event,” He murmurs, noting the confusion on your face as the two of you finally move towards the building. “For all the benefactors of the museum.”

You let that thought sink in as the two of you walk up the grand steps of the museum and you try to stay calm, but you know you’re literally beaming because Jungkook lets out a light laugh when he takes a glance at you. You peer up at the banner that hangs across the entrance, its words thanking the donors for the exhibition and ahh, you finally understand when you see the Jeon surname printed at the bottom, in bold. Of course, you sigh.

You’ve never been to the lobby of the museum even if technically you didn’t have to pay to get to this part of it. You admire the tall pillars, the crystal chandeliers and the high ceilings while Jungkook handles the tickets. Glancing around the space, you note a few people in attendance, all dressed in elegant gowns and sophisticated suits, Jungkook himself in a navy-blue suit that made him look like he belonged in a fashion editorial. You assume an event like this was the kind people flocked to because they wanted to be seen, everyone having to be dressed like they were someone that mattered. This whole scene, being in this building alone seemed like a dream, like a fantasy and suddenly you felt out of place.

“Huh?” Jungkook tugs at his tie nervously, taking a quick look around the room.

“It’s couple’s night. If you’re not here with your significant other, we won’t grant you access.”

“I���m sorry?” You hear Jungkook question in a panicked tone and you finally snap back to reality, quickly making you return to his side after having wandered off on your own.

“It’s couple’s night toni— Oh! So you do have a date,” The staff smiles, when she notices you.

“I uhh, I—”

“Yup, a couple,” You smile, intertwining your hands with his, bringing it up to show her because you’ll be damned if you were denied entry to this museum when you were already so close. Jungkook’s so flustered he almost drops the ticket when the staff hands it to him. A picture? She asks pointing to the designated area, a fancy white backdrop with sophisticated lighting all set up. He shakes his head, a little too vehemently you think and with that he tugs you towards the entrance of the exhibition. Even as the both of you pass through the initial security check, he doesn’t remove his hand from yours and neither do you. He steals a quick glance at you, pursing his lips nervously as he silently prays that nobody he knows is here tonight because if his mother hears about this… he’s a goner.

Jungkook lets out a sigh of relief when the both of you finally move into one of the exhibit rooms, the museum a lot quieter now that the lobby was behind you. He had planned to get two separate tickets, staging a Oh, Y/N! What a surprise to see you here! type of meetup just in case that there was an off-chance of one of the museum staff telling his mother about the new lady he’s been spotted with. If there aren’t any pictures, it would just be the staff’s word against his and he thinks he could easily sway his mother into thinking that it’s just mindless gossip. But he guesses all that’s out the window now since well you basically told the lady at the counter that two of you are an item, your name and his printed side by side on a stub that said couple ticket in all capitals.

He silently moves behind you as you drag him through the room, your eyes wide with amazement as you take in the giant art pieces that are being displayed on the walls, almost all of them painted by artists that you know and if you didn’t, you pretended like you did because that’s what people do in places like this, right? Jungkook lets out a light giggle when he sees your eyes shift from side to side nervously before you nod whenever he asked if you knew who the artist is as he points at pieces painted by a lesser-known painter. The truth is, he didn’t really know them either, but you didn’t have to know that. It’s a little pathetic but though he’s been here numerous times, he’s never really taken the time to admire the art. He would always cruise through the rooms looking for an empty standing table so he could drink his champagne in peace and fiddle with his phone, but he guesses this time, it’s different.

The museum seems like an endless labyrinth that you never want to exit, just walls upon walls, all filled with art you’ve never dreamed of seeing in person. Picasso, Matisse, Rembrandt, Van Gogh, you read their names aloud one by one each time you spot a familiar painting, or you know… sometimes you need the little plaque on the side to help you identify them and you know you sound like an idiot, constantly cooing at every single painting but you can’t seem to help yourself. You bounce around excitedly, stopping to take a picture every so often because you’re sure this will be the one and only time you’ll ever see all of this in person.

Jungkook can feel the excitement radiate off you, and he smiles at you, silently swinging your hand that was still in his. He can tell that you’re on another level of happiness, especially so when the both of you reach the French impressionist hall. He laughs when he hears you let out a squeal after spotting the first Monet piece, the classic short, fast strokes and his signature colour palette in the painting a dead giveaway that it’s his work of art. Jungkook taps you on the shoulder and points towards the curved wall at the end of the room where Monet’s water lilies sat and he could see your jaw drop, your free hand fiddling through your sling purse for your phone. You walk over like a woman on a mission and Jungkook can’t help but smile as you pull him along with you, almost tripping on his own two feet as you hasten your steps, the sound of your heels reverberating around the room.

You stand before the painting, looking at it with child-like wonder, your fingers almost reaching out to touch it. The painting, this one in particular, is a lot bigger in real life and a lot nicer too, obviously. It’s much larger than the one you had seen before in the home of one of the gang leaders. This piece is one of his more elaborate works, the 3 paintings looking almost seamless placed side by side.

Many people don’t understand how art can invoke certain emotions and perhaps in this moment you wished you were one of those socialites who had a number of sophisticated words to explain just what it was like to stand before a painting like this but the only word you can think of is, breath-taking. There is beauty in the detail of his work, the precise brush strokes, some soft and delicate while others heavy and brash but what brought it all together is the gradient of colours, one that gave the painting an almost fairy-tale like aura, as if light was emanating from it. You take so many photos that Jungkook has, you assume, gotten bored and decided to take a seat on the bench.

“I’m sorry,” You mumble shyly, shuffling forwards to take a seat next to him. “It’s just… it’s Monet and I got carried away. We can leave—”

“No, no,” He laughs. “I just like the view from here.”

You nod at that, smiling before you intertwine your fingers with his again, turning to look at the painting, admiring how it seemed like an endless pond when you looked at it sat from that spot. A little smile dances on Jungkook’s lips when he turns away from the painting to look down at his hand because he won’t lie, he likes the way your hand fits in his… platonically of course, he reminds himself because yeah, friends can totally hold hands.

“Thank you,” You murmur. “You’ve probably been here a million times… and this must be so boring for you so, thank you.”

Boring? Oh, on the contrary. This is probably the only time Jungkook has enjoyed the museum, the only time he actually looked at the art hanging on the walls. He’s always seen people go on museum dates, be it in movies or on the occasional time he drops by for his mother’s sake and he’s never really understood the appeal of that until now, that is. He won’t tell you but while you were admiring the water lilies, he’s taken a dozen or so pictures of you. You just look adorable so deep in thought, or admiration, he couldn’t really tell but he loved the look of pure contentment on your face for it was as if you were at peace. Also, the fact that you look quite stunning in that burgundy dress didn’t help either and although he’s been wanting to tell you that all night, he isn’t quite sure how to bring it up.

“It’s nothing, really,” He smiles. “I actually quite like the museum.” Which technically is a lie, but at least for today, it’s a half-truth because he’s come to like the museum thanks to you.

“By the way, couple’s night huh?” You cock an eyebrow. “Are you trying to tell me something? This is the second time,” You tease, referring to the cooking class a few months ago, that too had been a couple’s only affair.

“No I— Look, I didn’t know. I thought—”

“I’m just joking,” You laugh. “You always get so flustered, it’s adorable,” You smile while he scowls at you, letting out a huff before he gives in, laughing along with you.

You only dare to tease him because you know he’ll never look at you in that way. It’s the same reason as to why you don’t mind holding his hand for the sake of pretending to be a couple. Him wanting to be with you is a thought you can’t even fathom. Not because you weren’t worthy of him, or because he was out of your league in that sense but it’s just against societal norms and you’re not really one to go against the grain, too afraid to venture out of what is expected of you because the North and the South, they just never mix. You presume, Jungkook is thinking the same. For him, the stakes are much higher, his entire reputation on the line.

The two of you sit on the bench for perhaps another hour or so, silently chatting as you both admired the art around you. Like always, there isn’t a particular topic that the both of you discuss, it’s just seemingly an amalgamation of things that happened throughout the day or week but it makes Jungkook happy nonetheless. He notices that when he’s with you it’s like the world around him disappears and it’s just you and him. When he’s around you, the burden of being a Jeon, of holding up an image dissolves and he’s allowed to say whatever’s on his mind no matter how childish or stupid it is. He knows you won’t make fun of him for it or you do, endlessly, but at least you don’t look at him like you’re judging him. As the two of you finally move to exit to the lobby, he can’t help but wish all his museum visits were like this, him hand in hand with you, listening to you mumble about how if you ever get the chance to go to Paris, you wouldn’t want to visit the Louvre first, you’d rather visit the Musée de l'Orangerie where they had a curved oval room built specially for Monet’s water lilies piece, the walls of the room covered with multiple pieces, as if you were standing in the middle of his pond in Giverny, France. Jungkook nods, making sure to keep that piece of information somewhere in his mind for future reference as you continue to talk. A trip to Paris… with a friend that he may or may not be kind of slowly beginning to fall for… it’s not too shabby of an idea, isn’t it?

A laugh interrupts the both of you as you enter the lobby and when Jungkook realizes who it’s coming from, he pulls his hand away from yours in an instant, quickly putting a considerable distance between you and him. His sudden movement catches the attention of the young man, his eyebrow quirking up in confusion as he pulls away from his previous conversation, but he sees those big doe eyes staring back at him like a deer caught in the headlights and a smile of recognition graces his lips.

“Jungkook,” The man smiles before making his way towards him, the lady next to him flashing an equally dazzling grin.

“Kihyun,” Jungkook smiles nervously in return.

“A surprise to see you here… Thought you were never really a fan of the arts.”

“My uhh, friend—” He hesitates, gauging the man’s expression. “M-my friend’s friend wanted to have a look at the special exhibition, so I thought why not?” He points towards you, lying through his teeth effortlessly.

“Ahh,” Kihyun nods. “That’s more like it. He’d never come here willingly,” He turns to you, laughing and you let out a light laugh too, a little confused as to who exactly this man is and what exactly was happening. You sway awkwardly in your spot, not really knowing what you should do… introduce yourself? Fade into the background?

“A picture?” The museum’s resident photographer questions interrupting the conversation, and you watch as panic flashes across Jungkook’s face. You can see him struggling, giving you a worried look and you send him an understanding smile, giving him a small nod in reassurance that told him that you knew what you had to do.

“Go ahead,” You grin politely, stretching your hands outwards. “I have a call to make. I’m sorry,” You point towards your phone as you excuse yourself, moving towards the exit.

You turn back to watch Jungkook pose next to the couple, his signature smile on display and you wonder if the Jungkook that the couple knows is different to the one that you know. Sometimes when you’re with him, you think despite his occasionally exquisite clothing and his decadent taste for all things fine, he seems like he could be someone who lives just a street away from you but other times, like this, you’re reminded who you are to him. You’re reminded that you are just a mere visitor in his life, someone who will never be able to stand by his side.

Jungkook lets out a deep sigh when he finally finds you standing by the car, mindlessly scrolling through your social media. There’s a look of relief that washes over his face when he reaches you, as if he’s glad that he finally got out of there. The headlights flash when he unlocks the car and he only gestures for you to get in.

“Seems like one of your good friends,” You mumble once you settle into the passenger seat of the car.

Jungkook snorts at that, his fingers rubbing circles into his temple. A soft thud resounds as he relaxes his head against the seat, another sigh escaping his lips.

“He’s just someone in my social circle and I hate his guts but you know, I had to play nice.”

You only nod at that because, no, you don’t understand why he pretends to be nice to people he hates.

“Also, I’m sorry about all of that back there,” He mumbles. “It’s just… if anyone sees us together, holding hands, there’s going to be rumours and my mother, she’ll freak… I just—"

“Right, no, I get that,” You nod. “I uhh… won’t do it again. It’s just the museum and the couple thing, so I thought we had to hold hands…”

“No, I mean— Yeah, it’s fine.” He scratches the back of his neck, his mouth hanging open as if he wanted to say something but then he bites his lip, deciding against it. “Let’s go get supper, yeah?”

You light up at that word and smile eagerly, clicking on your seat belt as you nodded your head.

Jungkook’s upset, very much so but he does a great job at hiding it, smiling as he listens to you speak over a hot bowl of noodles. He didn’t mean for it to sound like that, as if he didn’t want people to see you with him but it’s just… complicated. The whole time during supper, he almost wants to reach over and hold your hand that’s resting ever so delicately on the table, but he knows he shouldn’t because… platonic, this is meant to be platonic. But, was it really? He could change the rules, right? After all, he never said it in words exactly on the contract… He doesn’t really know why he gets all nervous and flustered whenever you tease him about the prospect of it, perhaps it’s because he’s never felt feelings so real, so tangible but things are great now just the way it is, well technically it was before Kihyun showed up that is, he sighs. He decides to leave it as is, hoping that this little bump doesn’t change anything between you and him and looking at you, it’s as if it hasn’t because you’re standing up, telling him that it was time for some donuts and Jungkook doesn’t need to be told twice because he’s throwing down a 20-dollar bill, excitedly hopping out of the store after you.

The donut store is thankfully just a stone’s throw away from the restaurant and as the two of you step in, the light bell on the door tinkling, the owner of the store Mr. Kang lights up, greeting the both of you. Mr. Kang knows you and more recently, Jungkook by name considering that the two of you have been frequenting his store so much lately. He throws in an extra powdered donut on the house when you show up at the counter to pay because he finds it hilarious how the two of you are always bickering over who’s paying. As always, you pay for the donuts because well, you want to. You knew that he chose to go to the museum tonight because you had mentioned it, so you felt it was only right if you paid. Jungkook frowns at that because you always, always find a reason to pay, never letting him pay for it. But as usual, he’ll eventually find a way to slip in some money into your purse when you’re not looking.

“Listen, I’m sorry about the thing at the museum,” Jungkook murmurs, as the two of you take a seat on the bench, the bag of donuts placed safely between you and him. “And also, thank you for making an excuse when the photographer came up… but I don’t want you to think that I—”

“Jungkook, you don’t have to explain yourself. I understand,” You smile, your hand digging into the bag to find a donut.

“It’s just…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” You laugh, reassuring him. “I know people talk and you have an image to keep up. It’s my job to make sure that I’m unnoticeable when people you know are around,” You shrug, taking a bite of the donut.

You say the sentence without any malice or hurt because truly, you do understand and all of this after all is a job, one you intend to be good at. Jungkook knows you don’t see any wrong with what had happened tonight but he still feels guilty that he has to hide you away like a secret whenever he’s in the city, always having a lie thought up in the back of his mind just in case anyone catches him with you. Catches. It’s as if he’s doing something criminal, something illegal when in actual fact he’s just spending time with you, another human being. Perhaps that’s why he much prefers being here, sitting on a bench in the South with you, because down here, nobody cares about who he is and what he’s doing. Here by the river, he could be free, he could breathe, but most of all he could be next to you and not have to look over his shoulder every once in a while. He wishes it could be like this always but alas that’s not how the world works.

“I mean it’s a mutual thing, right? You’ve never introduced me to any of your friends,” He pouts jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. “It’s because you’re embarrassed of me isn’t it?”

“Very,” You nod exaggeratedly. “The fact that I’m sitting here with you right now? An atrocity! My street cred is dropping by the minute.”

“Yet, here you are.”

“Yet, here I am,” You smile. “It’s just my heart hurts knowing that you have no other friends so, I can’t possibly abandon you, no?” You feign pity, putting your hand to your heart while Jungkook scowls at you.

“I have plenty of friends, okay,” He defends, frowning. “They’re just… they’re… different.”

“Hey, hey, I’m just joking,” You smile. “I know you have friends aplenty but, none of them are as cool as me, am I right? None of them can stuff a whole donut into their mouth, right?”

“I hardly think that’s something to be proud of.”

“You take that back! You’ll be saying something else when I win the donut eating championship.”

“That doesn’t exist,” He scoffs.

“Well I’ll make it happen!”

Jungkook doesn’t even know how to reply anymore and resigns to just laughing at you because you’re just… you’re special, is all he can say. There is no other way to describe you because you’re unique, just… a little bit of everything, really. It baffles him to no end because sometimes you had that child-like innocence, trying to tell him you’re the only person in the world that could fit a donut in your mouth without choking and other times you had the maturity of a businessperson that’s been in the game as long as his grandfather, answering Jungkook’s logistics related questions with ease. Sometimes you speak about life with this care-free tone, as if whatever will be, will be, but other times there’s a hint of darkness in your voice, almost as if you’ve only known pain and you can’t look beyond that. You have a certain mystique to you and it draws him in because Jungkook’s not very sure about anything when it comes to you, not your past, not your present and most of the time he’s piecing together the tiny tidbits you feed him, but nothing seems to fit. In any case, he does the same to you, never giving you the full story but to be fair, all there is to know about him can be found online or in magazines but you, he couldn’t do the same with you.

He wonders about the little things, like how you only ever mention your mother and not your father or how the only friend you talk about is one named Wendy and of course, the one he’s most curious about, how you had managed to leave the gang you once mentioned you were part of, the very same one that robbed his grandfather off the joy of having his first Ferrari. Jungkook didn’t know much about gangs but he knew that once you were in one, there was hardly any way out… unless you paid a large sum of money, but you had spoken about leaving it behind so nonchalantly as if you had just decided to leave one day and walked straight out. Of course, he never asks because he’s not sure if it’s his place to. Sometimes, he thinks it’s better just not to know because perhaps there was a reason why you kept him in the dark to all of this. All he knows is he still has his walls up to a certain degree, not really sure if you could have a hidden motive, even if it was him who had approached you first.

After that night, Jungkook is a little too hesitant to be seen with you in the North, too afraid he’d bump into another one of his acquaintances or even worse, his mother which in all honesty, is a little ridiculous considering the North was big enough for him to go through it the entire day without seeing anyone he knows unless it was for business purposes, but he keeps thinking what if. He knows you must be silently cursing him because what kind of sugar daddy takes out their sugar baby to $5 dinners at some stall that he’s quite sure failed their health inspection, if they ever were inspected that is… but he can’t help that the food in the South tastes so damn good. You seem unfazed by it all, which he is thankful for and he’s starting to think that it’s funny that he’s got the better end of the deal without him even thinking of that to begin with. All his life, he was taught to be prim and proper but you expose him to a life that’s far different from his, one that’s reckless and chaotic which sometimes he enjoys while other times… not so much.

Jungkook had just excused himself to use the bathroom which was quite honestly just a drain by the back of the store and after slathering his hand with a tube of the pocket hand sanitizer that he’s made a habit of bringing around now, he makes his way back to the table only to find you stopping him in the middle of the restaurant to whisper in his ear.

“Have you ever dined and dashed?” You ask, your voice almost inaudible with the loud chattering in the background. He pulls away to give you a confused look and that was all you needed to know the answer to your question. “Well, you’re going to,” You smile wickedly, the same smile you would flash him whenever you were going to make him do something he shouldn’t be.

He scoffs at you, not understanding why you were saying that when he had his wallet just… wait— He frantically pats the pockets of his jeans only to remember that he had left it on the table when he had left for the restroom.

“Y/N…” He calls your name, his voice slightly panicked as he chases after you.

“Hey! Where are you guys going?” He hears a man shout from the back of the restaurant.

“If you want to go home with all your limbs intact, I suggest you run,” Is the last thing he hears you say before you sprint down the street. Jungkook is left standing there like an idiot when he hears the man from before charging down the length of the restaurant screaming, stop them!!!

Jungkook takes off running, his feet pounding down the sidewalk as he glances back to see a couple burly men chase him, the man leading them wielding a butcher knife. Pure fear drives him to move his legs faster, his heart pounding against his ribcage but he wills his body to continue moving forward. In the dark of the night, he squints just to see you in the distance, making sure he took the same turns as you because from what he’s heard, one wrong turn and he’ll find himself in the wrong neighbourhood. You lead him in and out a series of alleyways, making him climb dumpsters to jump over short walls. His body feels like giving in, his lungs starting to feel like it had been set on fire, but you continue running, occasionally turning back to tell him to catch up and so he heaves his body forward, praying that his legs won’t give up on him.

After what seems like ages, you finally come to a stop once you turn a corner and Jungkook’s feet skids across the pavement as he rests right in front of you.

“They’re probably not far behind us, we have to—” Jungkook chokes, his chest heaving heavily as he struggles to catch his breath.

Even as you pant, you can’t help but laugh, bringing a hand up to ruffle his hair.

“They lost us three blocks back,” You smile, briskly walking past him. “I believe this is yours.” You toss his wallet back towards him and Jungkook struggles to catch it, his hands still shaking from all that adrenaline.

“Why the hell did you do that? We could’ve gotten into serious trouble.”

“Calm down,” You laugh. “They were in on it. I told them you’re a Northerner and that I wanted to scare you good.”

“I hate you.”

“If anything, you should be grateful you have me,” You grin. “That was a good workout wasn’t it?”

“I swear I’m going to lose all my fucking hair before I turn 30 because of you.”

This was only one of the many times you’ve made him feel like it’s his last night on Earth because apparently in your free time you like do things like this, things that were inherently illegal like not paying for meals, driving recklessly and your personal favourite, trespassing. Good god, do you love trespassing. Sometimes Jungkook feels like you can’t read signs because they would say no trespassing, trespassers will be prosecuted in all capitals no less but you would shrug and tell him you didn’t see it, that there’s nothing to worry about anyway. In some cases that was true, like the abandoned subway station you once took him to. That was a real experience. 

The subway station had been closed for decades and it felt like stepping into a time capsule, like time had stopped because the stands held newspaper that have turned a musty yellow and the old tile walls were filled with flyers about the 1988 Winter Olympics. Being there just made him feel like he had stepped into a portal that took him 30 years back… not that he was alive then but still. Laying down on the train tracks and exploring the old abandoned subway cars with you is something he doubts he’ll ever forget but that experience… that wouldn’t compare to one of the many the other times you made him trespass. In one particular case, the sign really mattered because one second you’re pointing out the logistics operation system of one of the main subset gangs in the South, his eyes almost popping out of his sockets as he watches all the drugs and stolen cargo get sorted and moved for distribution with almost clinical like precision then the next second, you’re yanking him by the collar, telling him to run as three rabid dogs start chasing the two of you from a distance. To be honest, at this point, danger is like second nature to him and truly that is all thanks to you. Every day spent with you is an adventure, whether he wanted it to be or not and most of the time his stress levels spike to an all time high which he thinks is why he sees more hair than usual at the drain of his shower.

“Well you know what they say… bald men are the sexiest,” You wink, letting a light laugh slip past your lips and Jungkook can only shake his head at you.

“You’re really… something else, aren’t you?” He laughs, slinging his arm across your shoulder. “Anyway, listen, we have to go back and pay for our supper.”

“We did pay. I left some money under our plates… well technically it was your money plus some tips because I made them chase after us. I told them I’d give them $50 if they could catch us, but they didn’t know what they were up against. We’ve had some good practice beforehand, haven’t we?” You smile, referring to the time Jungkook thought he’d either have his legs completely chewed off by the dogs or if he was lucky, just escape with rabies from a bite but somehow you got him out of there alive, with his legs still attached to him and also, no rabies.

“And who’s $50 would that be if they had caught us?”

“Yours of course,” You smile. “I don’t have that type of money on me, you know that.”

“So, you’d bet $50 of my money but you won’t let me buy you donuts, ever?”

You simply shrug your shoulders, giving him a playful grin before you take off running, shouting, “First one there gets to pay for the donuts!”

Jungkook shakes his head momentarily before he runs after you, catching up to you in an instant before he realizes that he doesn’t know where he is anyway so again as always, you pay for the donuts because you get there first. He laughs the moment the two of you settle on the familiar bench by the riverside because it’s ridiculous to think there are actually people in this world that fucking sprint just so that they could pay for some donuts and that those people that he’s talking about are in actual fact two idiots, that being you and him. As the pair of you continue the tradition of eating donuts and talking for hours by the riverside, he can only look at you all dreamy-eyed, his heart fluttering whenever you turn to smile at him, the powdered sugar coating your pretty lips. He doesn’t really know when it started, or to be more specific, he doesn’t know when his thoughts morphed from man, she’s kinda crazy but hanging out with her makes me happy to man, she’s definitely crazy and hanging out with her makes me so happy that my heart does backflips but most of all she makes me want to scream into an abyss because all I want to do is kiss her stupid lips. But of course, he wanted to kiss you like… platonically… you know? Because that’s what this was between you and him, just a platonic… thing. It’s a concept that seems to become more difficult to grasp with each passing day.

As the days go by, Jungkook finds flirty one-liners dropping out of his mouth without his consent and sometimes they’re so bad they make him cringe but it’s worth it because he gets to watch you stutter and blush full on, probably looking the same way he does whenever you tease him about being a couple. Ah, being a couple. He shies away from the idea of that because what the two of you have now is so good, too good for him to give up and he doesn’t know if he wants to throw away a friendship in hopes for something more. It’s rather nice, the silent cat and mouse game the two of you play. It makes his chest warm and mushy whenever he sees you with your eyes wide, mouth agape whenever he says something a little too forward. Cute, cute, cute. That’s all he can think when he sees you smile ear to ear, laughing as you smack his chest in attempt to hide the blush that creeps onto your cheeks.

He’s not quite sure what changes between the two of you but you start to tell him more about you from topics that makes his heart sink like how both you and your mother had left your abusive father when you were young to much lighter stories like the one time you and Wendy had sneaked into one of the swankiest club in the North. There’s a giant gaping hole in the stories you tell him though, avoiding the part where you had first come to the city but he doesn’t prod, knowing that it probably has to do with the gang you were once a part of. To be frank, the idea of gangs still scares Jungkook, the young boy trying to mug him his one and only true encounter with gang life and that alone had been enough to shake him to his core. Even so, he can’t help but question where exactly this gang you speak of is, why you never tell him any stories associated with them. Jungkook however, gets his answer to that that question about a week later and truthfully, he’s never seen you look so hurt before that he almost wishes you hadn’t told him.

It’s a grim day, he can tell just by the look on your face that something isn’t quite right, the bouquet in your hand enough to tell him that it’s a day of mourning. Walking to the familiar bench by the river, he notices that the melancholic atmosphere seems to envelop the South as a whole, as if a giant grey cloud was covering the entire area. It’s the anniversary of the day where the devastating fire had burned down a small row of apartment complexes, you tell him when you notice him staring at the makeshift memorial in the distance. Over 100 lives were lost today about two or so years ago and yet, Jungkook is perhaps only one of the very few people from the North that’s ever heard of the tragedy. The candles and flowers all laid by the riverside only adds to the tristful atmosphere and as you lay a bouquet of your own among the hundreds that are already there, Jungkook rests his hand on your back as a form of consolation.

“I joined the gang in order to survive,” You begin out of nowhere, breaking the silence as the two of you take a seat on the bench. “I needed to make money and a part-time job just wasn’t cutting it.”

You’re not proud of how you managed to pay off your first-year student loans but hey, earning $9 per hour was only enough to make sure you had food on your table since whatever was left, you sent to your mother anyway. You knew you had to make big money and you had to make it fast. The only way you could do that was by gambling, which was risky and obviously, illegal but it was your only choice. If there was anything you learnt while growing up in that unstable household with your mother, it was how to play poker. You were good at it, too good and by the time you had earned half of your tuition, the underground gambling establishment was threatening you with knives for cheating, even when you hadn’t done so. It was either join the gang or be killed so, you had no choice but to essentially sell your soul to them.

You won’t lie, though you were upset about having to be a part of something you promised you would stay away from, there was a sense of security in having not only friends but also a family… after you gained their trust that is. At first, you were forced to peddle drugs on street corners and you were quite literally shaking with fear every time you heard sirens in the distance but when they discovered your interest in logistics, you were given the task of deciding things like when the drugs should be moved, where it should be stored or how to maximize space in their dingy little warehouses. In some ways, you’re glad to have had that chance because the fact that you actually got to apply some of what you learnt in class in real life, had quite possibly helped you through your degree… even if that probably isn’t what your professor had meant when he said to try using the concepts in the real world.

Of course, with gang life wasn’t all work and no play. It came with some glitz and glamour, that being crazy nights at the clubs where you would see the staff carry a literal bathtub filled with champagne bottles to your table… which was great of course but one your most cherished experiences had to be the times where you drove expensive cars every now and then. Sometimes, well most of the times really, they were stolen but the details were something you preferred not to know. For you, being in the gang meant you did what you were told, you showed up when you were called upon and most importantly, you never asked questions because in your opinion, the less you knew about them and the less they knew about you, the better.

Your life in the gang was far from over the top, in fact the perks you enjoyed was only that of the lower-tier members, but you weren’t complaining… as long as you had enough money to pay your loans, you were happy. In your two years with them, you’ve seen and heard of many who jump ship to other gangs, wanting more than what yours could give because the gang you were a part of was a small one. Those who left or shall you say tried to, are probably rotting in a ditch somewhere because the boss didn’t take too kindly to those who weren’t loyal but there are a lucky few who are still standing and have probably receded into the provinces to hide out the rest of their days.

Sometimes, it seems so far away but to think that just two years ago, you belonged to a gang… the idea itself seems so foreign but you know it’ll be something you can never forget, even if you wanted to. Every time you see a triangle, the symbol of your gang, you can’t think about anything else. There are times where you see it tattooed on the arms of another and you look over at their face, feeling pity wash over you because they were once a part of what you were too. They were once part of The Trinity.

The Trinity was once the most feared gang despite their small size but even then, you had almost laughed aloud when they told you their name because the name whether on purpose or not was a little hilarious considering all the sinful behaviour they partook in. You learnt later on that they were no laughing matter because they were a subset of The Triple Axes, a much larger gang, in fact one of the largest and most ruthless in the country. Most of the The Triple Axes’ power laid in the provinces where half of it was under their control, their only two rivals, were Vis and KXZ, who ruled the other half but they too had their subsets in the South, ones that were much stronger than The Trinity.

“The Trinity,” Jungkook mumbles and you can tell how he’s holding back a laugh. “I’m sorry.” He licks his lips as you scowled at him playfully.

You smile back at him, shaking your head as your scowl disappeared.

“It’s fine,” You grin. “I almost laughed the first time I heard it too.”

“The Trinity,” He mumbles again. “You keep talking about them in past tense,” He notes, thinking about how you said things like they were, they had, and not they are or they have.

“That’s because they are past tense,” You sigh, pointing towards the flowers.

You remember hearing the blaring sirens, the fire engines arriving much too late as you stood down the street in your pyjamas watching as the flames blaze a bright orange, engulfing the buildings in a violent fury. It had happened in an instant, those on the scene said. At first it was a small explosion in the middle apartment but then like a domino effect everyone could only watch as it spread, the breeze carrying the flames across to the neighbouring buildings. It was like an inferno had swallowed up the three buildings, the heat emanating from the fire so hot it felt like your skin was melting, even if you were a good distance away from it. It was pure chaos on the streets, everyone wanting to do something but many not knowing what to do. The fact that less than proper materials were used to build the building meant that what would’ve taken hours for a fire to spread only took mere minutes, the gas leak that had gone neglected by the government did nothing to help either. It’s a sight you never want to see again, people jumping down to their death because they didn’t want to die being burnt alive, their screams of terror forever seared into your memory.

The apartment complexes were sat on the edge of The Trinity’s domain, many of the residents were those higher up in the hierarchy of The Trinity gang but the other gangs didn’t stand by and watch, they didn’t hesitate. The brave men from The Trinity or otherwise, ran into the buildings, trying to save whomever they could find. Many of them suffered the same fate of the residents of those apartments for nobody could’ve expected just how fast the flames would move, the fire on the lower floors essentially trapping those higher up, the smoke so thick that most inside the building perished before the fire even got to them and if neither the smoke or fire reached them, it was the carbon monoxide by product from the gas leak that suffocated them.

The total body count was never determined, the number reported hovering about 100 but everyone knew that was a conservative figure, it was likely double or triple that considering how people would pack families into even a one-bedroom apartment. In just one night, the South had lost a good portion of their citizens, many of which belonged to the Trinity gang, almost the entire group decimated in the fire. So many families, so many souls, all gone in a single night.

The rescuers tried to look for survivors once the fire was put out but it was evident that there weren’t going to be any. Just like that, you had lost every one of your friends, you had lost your entire… family.

This had all come just days after you and your friends were caught by the police for reckless driving… among other things, but the drugs in the glove box are conveniently left out of the report and perhaps you guess, corruption works both ways, sometimes against you and luckily in that case, for you. You didn’t walk away scot free though, a reckless driving citation now neatly printed on your record and out of all things, this was what gave you the wake up call you needed. You had to find a way out of The Trinity before things spiralled out of control and you guess, with the fire, you finally got that. You wanted out, of course you did but… if it had meant losing all of them then maybe you wouldn’t have wished for a way out.

“Yeah, just one night, just a few hours and they were gone. Every single one of them,” You sigh. “And sometimes I think my hate for the government gets a little out of hand but then I think back to this and… I just can’t see how I’m supposed to forgive them.”

Jungkook nods silently because there’s nothing he can say. He can only imagine your pain, losing every single person that you know in just one day and in a way that was completely preventable… that’s something he wouldn’t wish upon even his worst enemy.

“The gas leak, the shitty building materials, the slow response to the fire, like fine, we can’t change that but the fact that they didn’t even have the decency to build us a memorial after everything was done and dusted? That’s just plain disrespectful,” You spit. “Do you know what it’s like? To hear that they won’t be building a memorial because they don’t have the money for it but then a week after they reveal plans to build a statue of the mayor’s dog? It’s downright disgusting,” You scoff and Jungkook can hear the hatred behind your words, pure anger dripping off every syllable and he doesn’t blame you.

“But, it’s fine, we can make our own memorial just fine. So that’s what this is, this place,” You gesture to your surroundings from the bench and it all clicks for Jungkook, the puzzle pieces all fitting together.

“So that’s why this place is the only crime-free zone in the South…”

“Yup, the heads of the other two major subsets declared this place as no man’s land, free territory until the end of time because it’s meant to be a place to remember all the lost lives.”

“It’s a nice spot,” He hums, taking in the view now that he has a different perspective of the place.

“There’s a reason for it,” You smile. “Call us petty or whatever but when we built this memorial, we wanted to hit the North where it hurt. They said we couldn’t build any monuments so we decided to cement over this whole place instead, cutting off access to the road that used to lead to the port.”

“That’s why we all have to go through the main road, the one narrow street that makes it easy for the gangs to target our shipments.”

“Bingo.” You click your tongue, flashing him a single finger gun. “We thought they’d cave after, give us a monument in turn for the road but I guess they just don’t care,” You shrug.

This time, Jungkook’s angry on your behalf as well as his own because how hard would it be for the mayor to build something in remembrance of the victims? The government had failed the South far too many times and they couldn’t even give them this one thing? Jungkook thinks it’s because the mayor has a grudge against the people of the South, the days he spent patrolling this area when he was a young police officer had caused him to build some sort of irrational hate towards its residents. Perhaps the violence he saw in the streets was what made him change career paths, choosing to be a politician instead. To think that Jungkook’s biggest headaches would be solved if the mayor would just swallow his pride, admit that the South unlike what he thinks, did deserve their own emergency services, did deserve to have buildings that are built in accordance to the fire code and most importantly that they did deserve to be treated like human beings, because they are in fact, human! The only difference between them and him is their post code but the fact that Northern slang for Southerners is the word scum is enough to tell Jungkook that it’ll be years before anyone in power would do anything about it. Until then, Jungkook would just have to consult you weekly on which path his cargo drivers should take just so the goods could make it from the port to the city or vice versa, without being ambushed.

“Wait, so… technically both you and Wendy are the only surviving members of The Trinity then?”

“Wendy? The Trinity?” You laugh wildly at the thought of her being even slightly involved in gang life. She’s far too good to be caught up in all of that. “No, she’s not a— She was never part of The Trinity or any other gang for that matter. I met her in college.”

“Oh… I just thought— I mean you said…”

“Yeah, she’s the only exception,” You smile. The only living friend you had, of course with the exception of Jungkook. “I met her shortly after you know, all of that…”

Wendy though you’ve only known her for a little over 2 years, is your rock, your whole entire world because she’s the one that helped you pick up the pieces, help you get your life back together again. Moving into the same apartment as her in your 3rd year of college is the sole reason you made it through your degree anyway, both emotionally and financially. She had let you skip on rent and utilities far too many times, often waving you off when you tried to pay, assuring you that her sugar daddy had taken care of it. You really wonder where you’d be if you hadn’t met her. Perhaps you’d be like the other stragglers, joining another one of the other subsets.

“So really all I have is just Wendy… and you… which is funny because you’re paying me to be your friend,” You laugh, almost a sad one but the smile you flash him is so grateful and you hope he knows that even though he pays you for your company, you mostly stay because he’s too kind to you, listens to you ramble on and on about things nobody cares about. His heart almost breaks in his chest when he lets the words settle, the impact of what you had said hitting him full force. His hands twitch by his side almost reaching out so he can hug you, hold you, hoping that his touch can somehow take some of that pain away. All he wanted to do was to let you know that yes, you most definitely had him, that the fact that he paid for your company didn’t make the friendship any less real.

“Told you we’re soulmates,” He mumbles shyly, bringing his hand up to pet you on the head. “Just two people in real desperate need of company,” He smiles lopsidedly, his hand dropping slightly so the back of his fingers brushes against your cheekbone, his eyes staring into yours almost as if he wants to say something more but he quickly drops his hand completely, busying himself with the paper bag that held the donuts when he notices you furrow your eyebrows at him, as if you were questioning his semi-intimate gesture.

His fingers finally finds the last donut in the bag but he almost drops it because his heart stutters, does a flip and then fucking almost leaps out of his chest when he feels you wrap your arms around his other hand, your head resting against his shoulder as you let out a sigh.

“Well then thank you, soulmate, for listening to me talk for hours about useless nonsense,” You smile. “I’m sure you had something very different in mind when you were looking for a sugar baby at that conference,” You snort, laughing.

That was true, Jungkook had gone into the conference looking for a girl that was perhaps a little ditzy, someone who was easily impressed or at least someone he could coax into doing all the mundane things he wanted to do and when he approached you and talked to you, you seemed nothing like what he had in mind but you just felt… right. Somehow, he didn’t feel as if he was having a forced conversation with you which is a feeling he’s not too familiar with considering that almost everyone he’s ever met puts him on some pedestal.

You took some time to warm up to him, to truly be comfortable and if anything, the past few months with you has been nothing but exhilarating to him. You were unlike any person he’s met, so daring, quite possibly borderline insane in some ways with how you flirt with danger but then you’re so soft, so vulnerable with him that he feels whenever he’s ready, he could tell you things that have been weighing down on him for years and know that you’ll be there to listen with no other purpose than to be a source of comfort for him. With you he just felt at peace, which was hilarious considering his life has been at threat more than it has ever been since meeting you. From being chased by rabid dogs to driving down highways at twice the speed limit, he wonders how it is that you always manage to keep both you and him out of trouble every time. With time, he learns more and more about you, slowly peeling off the many layers you seem to have. The more he learns about you, the more he feels himself develop feelings that are… much to his dismay, not platonic. It’s a thought he prefers to ignore so, when he feels you snuggle closer, he lets his shoulders slump down, his own head now resting against yours as he holds you closer. He wishes to capture this moment and all of it’s essence in a picture he could keep forever but he guesses his memory will just have to do.

Click. Click. Click.

The signature sound of a camera goes off in the distance and the man smiles as he leans forward in his seat, his lens sticking out of the window. Ah, if only Jungkook looked back, he would’ve known that he didn’t have to wish so hard because in all the months he’s been with you, every single possible meet-up has been well documented. The hooded man peers at the screen of his camera, admiring his handiwork with the sickest smile on his lips. In the North or the South, it didn’t matter. Contrary to what Jungkook thinks, he isn’t safe at all, at least not when he’s with you.

Despite staying up late with Jungkook that night, chatting away on that bench, you show up at the port for work like always, in your uniform all neatly pressed and to your surprise, right on time. You had thought you’d at least be 10 minutes late considering how hard it had been to get out of bed but you let out a sigh, one between relief and tiredness as you punch in your card. You put on your hard-hat before walking out into the container yard, your walkie-talkie strapped onto your waistband already beginning to sound, a worker in the yard calling for you. Though you’re a relatively new addition to the team, almost everyone working in the port knew you by name. How could they not? You’ve made their lives so much easier now that they’re not being constantly berated by the boss.

You’re much too good at your job, your manager at the port, Mr. Choi, is thoroughly impressed with how you’ve managed to improve the efficiency of the port as a whole. The ships now leave on time considering that it was being loaded without any hitches, a lost container now a rare occurrence. All the individual teams on ground or in the control room, work together like a well-oiled machine. You’ve only been working here a short three months but he doesn’t remember the last time he heard a “B-boss… we can’t find one of the containers.” Which to him is a goddamn miracle considering that had been a sentence he would hear almost daily.

He sits in his office, smiling to himself because it’s all so surreal to him that you’ve managed to change the port from an embarrassment to one that’s slowly climbing it’s way up the ranks. Of course, nowhere near the top 50, oh he wouldn’t dream it but breaking the top 100 is something he thinks he deserves to be proud of. To think that you, someone who had come in looking as timid as a little mouse had been able to do so much? It baffles him entirely, but to be fair, he knew you were special, knew it when he heard you speaking in the break room to an obviously uninterested co-worker, talking statistics and alternate routes for the trucks. No one in his 25 odd years here in this port gave a hoot about their job until you came along, wanting to change everything, but for some reason, you would clam up the moment you see him.

You’re a feisty little firecracker, spouting off ideas at the speed of light… but only to people who could care less about what you think or frankly just didn’t understand what the hell you’re talking about. He listened in to your conversation for weeks, trying to judge if your words actually had substance or if you were just spewing nonsense but you had the numbers, had the facts and he knew you were going to be a game changer… if only you would just speak to him.

He remembers you quite literally shaking when he had called you into the office, your hand tugging at your earlobes nervously as you shift your weight from side to side. You took some coaxing but once he got you started, boy, you just wouldn’t stop. There was so much you wanted to do from re-organizing the container yard, to actually using the world-class computer system in place (thank god! He just for the life of him couldn’t figure it out on his own but with you by his side and also the other handful of staff he coerced into helping the both of you out, it had only taken 2 months or so before things were beginning to run as it were supposed to). You work tirelessly, clocking in at the port every weekday at 4 am sharp and clocking out as late as you could, always making sure you had time to make it to your second job. Mr. Choi looks at you with pity because you have so much potential and yet here you are being paid peanuts when you could be earning thousands but life sucks is all he can conclude because if you had been born in the North, he’s sure you’d be somewhere on the Forbes list, sitting in a comfortable office instead of standing around in a hard-hat, sweating away in the sweltering summer heat. There isn’t much he can do for you, can’t even give you a raise despite how much you’ve done for the port but what he can do is give you a day off. An unrecorded day off with paid leave is almost unheard of in this industry but for you, he makes an exception. You accept it graciously, choosing to sleep in on a Friday morning, something you haven’t had the luxury to do for years and since you only work at the convenience store every other day, you decide to sleep in for the whole entire day.

In some ways, you think the day off is a blessing because you get to laze around in bed, finally having the time to watch that movie everyone’s been talking about for months, completely enjoying the fact that you were free to be a sloth for the day, doing absolutely nothing but eat and sleep. It’s a great day, a wonderful one but then it all goes to shit because you make the mistake of telling Wendy about your sweet little one day holiday and she along with her friends, show up at your doorstep at a little past 9 to drag you off to the bars with her.

At first, it’s not too shabby and you won’t lie, you enjoy the occasional night at the bar but with Wendy and her friends around, one shot turns to three and three turns to 5 and after that you sort of lose count because was there a point in keeping count anymore? All you know is you’ve had a lot, too much in fact because you find it hard to stop swaying from side to side, the world around you spinning with each step you take. Wendy, unlike you, holds her drinks well and she also unlike you, is not an idiot and does not accept drinks from shady men who make the bar counter their home, preying on girls like you who by the end of the night would have had one too many drinks. She’s busy trying to keep you and her other friends from running off to the bar to order another round of shots. You keep trying to swipe her hand away, attempting break out of the grip she has on you.

“Just one more,” You plead. “I never get to come here anymore,” You pout, gesturing to your surroundings, this bar that used to be your second home during your college years.

“It’s a good thing that you don’t because you’re still a fucking lightweight,” She grumbles, tightening her hold on you as you try to slip away from her. “Jesus, how am I supposed to get you home?” She says more to herself, eyeing the other two girls that she’s somehow lost while trying to keep you from wandering off. You lived in the complete opposite direction of Wendy and her friends and there is no way in hell she’s going to be able to get you home while dragging the others along but she can’t just leave them here either. She ponders putting you into a cab but a drunk female, in a cab alone, in this side of town? She might as well sign your death certificate while she’s at it.

“What are you doing? Who are you calling?” She questions, trying to grab your phone from you but you spin away from her, holding the phone out of her reach.

“A friend!” You shout. “He’ll get me home.”

“He? Who’s he? Why haven’t I heard of this he?”

You only put your index finger to your lips, winking at her lazily as you giggle.

“It’s the janitor at your building isn’t it? He’s the only person you talk to aside from me,” She laughs, avoiding your hand that attempted to shove her.

You scowl at her, you index finger pointing at her as if you were ready to drop a line full of insults but the dial tone stops abruptly, interrupted with a very confused, hello?

“Hello! You picked up!”

“Yes,” He laughs. “Was I not supposed to?”

“No, it’s just I’ve never called you before,” You smile and Wendy gives you a face that mirrors utter confusion because who the hell are you talking to? She tries to pull the phone away from you, wondering if you’re just drunk dialling a random number at this point.

There’s a scuffle and Jungkook isn’t quite sure what’s going on because just like you said, you’ve never called him before. The two of you mostly talked through text, never through phone calls but he doesn’t quite object to the idea of one, especially if they’re all going to be like this because he can hear you screaming in the background, a slew of cuss words escaping your lips before a Wendy, no! Ah, the infamous Wendy, he hums.

“Sorry, Y/N’s just really drunk right n—” Wendy doesn’t even manage to finish her sentence before you snatch the phone back from her.

“Don’t listen to her! I’m not drunk but I am at a bar, you know the one just a block away from the donut store? You should totally join us!”

“Uhh… it’s a little late,” He laughs, glancing at the clock on his wall that said 12.30 am. His hands tug the blanket around him higher, his body splayed out on his king-sized bed, all comfy and ready for sleep.

“But it’ll be fuuuuuun and you can finally show me that you can actually down 10 consecutive shots without throwing up.” You end your sentence with a scoff, as if you think that it’s a lie, that the stories of Jungkook’s wild college life has been seemingly over-exaggerated because who could do that many tequila shots?

“I can!”

“Well then come down here and show me!”

“It’s past midnight Y/N, we need to get you home so tell your friend not to come. Quick, we have to get you a cab,” Wendy sighs, knowing that this trip to your home is going to make her feel like strangling you and the other two girls with her because man what was she thinking calling all of you lightweights out tonight.

“A cab?” Jungkook questions, glancing at the clock again. “This late?”

You don’t get to answer him because Wendy manages to take the phone away from you, having had enough of your drunk antics.

“Hey, I don’t know who you are, but Y/N is not just drunk, she’s fucking smashed so I’m pretty sure coming down here won’t be a good idea.”

“You guys are gonna grab a cab? This late at night? Are there any guys with you?”

“No, there aren’t but—”

“That’s not safe.”

“Well—” She pulls the phone away to look at the caller ID. “—Jungkook. It’s either that or we walk so unless you think—”

“Give me 15, Wendy. I’ll be there.”

“Wait, I don’t even—” She’s met with the end dial tone. “—know you.”

“Well is he coming?” You question, a glass of liquor in your hand. Jesus, she leaves you for a minute, just a minute and you’ve managed to get yourself a drink.

“Yeah, I think,” She hums. “Who is this guy?”

“Jungkook.”

“Well, yeah, I know that but who is he?”

“My friend.”

Wendy throws her hands up in the air in frustration because it’s evident that she isn’t going to get any answers that makes sense out of you. She busies herself with trying to find her other two friends because if Jungkook’s telling the truth, he’ll be here in 13 minutes and she’ll be damned if he takes off with just you.

It’s 15 minutes right on the dot when Wendy spots a young man striding into the bar, phone pressed to his ear while the phone in her hand, your phone, begins to ring. She doesn’t have half a mind to pick it up because she’s star struck, instantly recognizing his face when he turns towards her, the worry on his features fading when he spots you waving at him wildly, the phone that was in her hand now pressed to your ear. You scream his name in the middle of the bar, almost falling off the stool you were on, but Jungkook slides behind to steady you just in time.

“Holy fuck,” Wendy whispers when she sees him standing right next to her. “You’re Jungkook.”

“Yeah,” He smiles shyly. “Wendy, right?”

She can only nod, not trusting herself to speak because it’s Jungkook, in flesh, looking at her. She’s instantly taken back to the college days where you both were huddled around a laptop, looking at pictures of the young boy who’s of the same age. The two of you spoke about what ifs, staring at his picture with dreamy eyes because neither of you could imagine being attached to a man so handsome and more importantly, so rich, the two of you would laugh. Wendy is nothing but confused, watching as you try to convince him to buy another round of shots, your hand tugging at his and she can just see his resolve beginning to crack as you continue to tease him.

“Yes! Can we get another round of—” Wendy brings her hand up, covering your mouth to muffle the rest of your sentence because hell no, she isn’t going to let you drink anymore.

“We are going home. No more drinks,” She grumbles, hopping off the bar chair before she looks at Jungkook, gesturing for him to lead the way.

He simply nods, helping you off your chair as you hold onto him with a pout, one that’s so irresistibly adorable that Jungkook has to stop himself from reaching over to pinch your cheeks that are flushed red, presumably from all the alcohol you’ve consumed. Wendy ambles behind the two of you, her two friends clutching onto her like a crutch and boy, does she really regret tonight but the sight of Jungkook almost jumping out of his skin when you rest your hand at his waist, his hand hovering behind your back nervously as he tries to guide you while trying to be respectful, makes her laugh and she wonders just how the hell you’ve come to be friends with a millionaire, especially this one in particular.

As all 5 of you settle into Jungkook’s car, Wendy letting out an audible sigh before she straps everyone in the backseat in, her two friends nodding off to sleep as they relax into the cushioned leather seats. When she turns to the front, she hears annoyed whines escape your lips, the seat belt refusing to click in and she’s about to reach forward and help you but she sees Jungkook slap away your hands with a laugh, clicking it in for you before he ruffles your hair, the smile he flashes you one filled with complete adoration for you. Cute, she thinks. So… the two of you are not just friends then?

“Okay, so I mean are we just going to ignore the fact that you’re Jeon Jungkook? What the fuck Y/N?” Wendy says as Jungkook pulls out of the parking lot, laughing.

“I already told you he’s my friend,” You retort.

“Yeah but you didn’t say that he’s the Jungkook, the one that you spent the whole of college—”

“Don’t you dare!” You gasp, interrupting her sentence, your face almost fully turning red as you turn back to look at her, horrified.

“Spent the whole of college doing what?” He inquires, a curious smirk on his face.

“Wendy, don’t,” You warn.

“Left here,” She instructs Jungkook and he takes a swift turn into the next street. “I mean it’s not you per se,” She begins the answer to his question. “But she spent the whole of college reading up on everything on your family, wanting her final thesis to be a breakdown on how your company’s supply chain makes Jeon Logistics one of the best, but her professor said she had to write on something a little more technical,” She lies wittily, noting the glare you send her, followed by an appreciative smile.

“Ahh,” Jungkook murmurs, his smile fading a little because he was hoping for something else.

“How did the two of you meet anyway?”

There’s a beat of silence, both you and Jungkook share a look and even in your drunken haze your heart stutters because shit, it’s a question you’d never thought you’d have to answer.

“We… we met at a conference… A logistics conference,” Jungkook answers, his voice sounding a little unsure, but Wendy doesn’t notice. At least the sentence is half true because the two of you did meet at a conference after all but not a logistics one of course. “But, anyway, it’s nice to finally meet you! Y/N talks about you all the time.”

“Wish I could say she does the same about you, but she’s never mentioned you. Why is that, Y/N?”

You’re pretending to be asleep, Wendy knows it. She can see your mouth twitch nervously and Jungkook laughs through his nose as he gazes upon your sleeping figure, completely oblivious to the fact that you’re wide awake. He decides not to answer Wendy’s question, trusting that you’ll be able to come up with a clever lie if she ever asks you again. Instead, the two of them chat about her life, Jungkook asking quiet questions about her job, her week, all that she gladly answers. It’s funny because he already knows all the answers, much of it information that you’ve already told him and he finds himself smiling because she’s just like you described her, the way you would usually imitate her voice when you talked about her was perfect to the tee.

He could see why the two of you got along so well. She’s just like you… except more outspoken, telling her stories with overexaggerated gestures but otherwise the two of you could be twins, you being the more mischievous one, gang life and all while she was perhaps the one that’s more interested in parties and boys. Jungkook glances at her through his rear-view mirror, laughing as she tells him another one of her stories and it’s refreshing how he had just met her yet she had skipped right through the small talk to tell him about the ridiculous nights both you and she had in college.

Finally getting to meet her is somehow comforting because it makes him feel closer to you, like he’s slowly weaving his way into your life, that you don’t mind that he’s now a part of it. His friendship with you, although technically fabricated at the beginning has morphed into something he can’t explain with words but all he knows is he’s glad that he approached you that night.

The car comes to a stop in front of Wendy’s apartment complex and after she guides her two friends to the lobby, she returns to the car to say her final thanks.

“You know where she lives right?” She questions, pointing at your sleeping form. You may have pretended to be asleep in the beginning, but it had taken you a little less than a minute to actually fall asleep. Idiot, she murmurs under her breath. Now, she didn’t trust just anyone with you and she’s especially protective over you because life’s been nothing but hard for you and if anything all she wants to do is wrap you up and make sure you’re safe and happy all the time. Having Jungkook drop you home, alone, isn’t exactly her ideal situation but it’s either this or a cab driver who may never even take you home and so she settles for Jungkook, the small conversation she had with him in the car just enough for her to suss out that he probably wouldn’t hurt you.

“Yeah,” He answers, followed by the address he usually drops you off at and she shakes her head, laughing.

“Is that where she tells you she lives?”

“It isn’t?”

“No,” She smiles, gesturing for him to hand her his phone. “She lives 2 blocks down, a brick red building. Oh, and unit 803,” She mumbles, typing in your address into his phone.

“Thanks,” He smiles looking at the address.

“Thanks for dropping me off,” She smiles in return. “Oh, and listen, I trust that you’ll get her home safe,” She smiles. “But, if you try anything with her, know that I pay my gang extortion fees for a reason and know that they won’t hesitate to teach a pretty boy like you a lesson.”

He only nods nervously, reassuring her that he indeed had no intentions of trying anything, that he will if anything keep his hands to himself at all times.

“It was nice meeting you!” She shouts as she waves him goodbye, the sweet smile she sends his way a stark contrast to the warning he had gave him. Girls in the South sure had a knack for scaring him, Jungkook thinks as he waves in return.

1.45 am

The clock on his dashboard reads as Jungkook pulls into the basement of your apartment, the actual one, not the fake address you make him usually pull up at. He makes a mental note to bring that up the next time he meets you, preferably you’ll be sober then. He wonders how he’s here when he had just been all comfortable in his bed a mere hour or so ago and he find his answer when he looks to his side, you softly snoring in his passenger seat. It’s perhaps a little cruel to wake you up but Wendy’s warning still has him shaking in his seat and he doesn’t really want to take any chances. He taps you on your shoulder a few times but you don’t respond, your eyes still glued shut. Unclicking his seatbelt, he reaches over to shake you softly and nothing but a soft whine escapes your lips as you turn towards him, readjusting yourself in your seat before continuing with your slumber. He lets out a light laugh, sighing before he exits the car, heading over to the passenger side to carry you up to your home.

The rickety lift he takes up to your apartment unit makes Jungkook quiver with fear and the hallways with black patches of mould on the ceiling makes his nose scrunch in disgust. He had thought the apartment you always made him stop at was bad but this was… this was something else and he can’t believe that you actually pay to live here, that anyone did. With the key he had fished out of your purse earlier, he bends down, finding it difficult to open the door with you still in his hand.

When the door finally opens, he lets out a groan of relief, struggling to take off his shoes and yours before he quickly rushes to your room, his hand underneath your knee threatening to give way from overexertion. He finds your twin mattress on the floor of your bedroom, frowning when he finds that you don’t even have a bed frame. He tries to set you down gently, but your weight carries him forward and he ends up falling next to you. A light laugh escapes him and he wonders how you still remain sleeping throughout it all.

He allows himself to rest on his side for a few seconds, his eyes scanning your bedroom that looked so irrevocably you. There were books everywhere, miscellaneous paper strewn across the floor, an organized mess is probably what you would call it and it reminded him of you, how you were both chaotic and yet orderly at the same time. He looks behind you, the mosaic of photographs catching his eye. There are dozens of pictures taped to the wall just above your table, some things he recognized, like a picture of the Monet exhibition in Musée de l'Orangerie, the very same picture you had shown him just weeks ago and the picture next to that, one of you and Wendy, at graduation he presumes. Then there’s a slew of others he doesn’t quite recognize, like a picture of you and some friends posing with a Ferrari, probably your friends from The Trinity he guesses and wait— he squints, craning his neck to look behind you, trying hard to make out the picture and he blinks once, twice but he thinks that’s a picture of him, sitting at the bench by the riverside, smiling. He doesn’t even remember having this picture taken but seeing it on your wall makes him blush just a little. Oddly, he feels touched that you thought he’s important enough to be put up on your wall.

“Jungkook,” He hears you murmur, soft and quiet, barely a whisper. In the time that it takes for him to tear his eyes away from the wall, you’ve managed to drape yourself across his body, your leg and arm pulling him close, slotting yourself beside him comfortably. He lies there completely still, in genuine shock, as you snuggle closer into him, burying your head into his chest. His heart is beating so fast he can hear it in his ears and he almost doesn’t want to move, doesn’t want to wake you up. Your hair tickles the skin of his neck and despite how nervous he is at the moment, he finds himself smiling down at you, smiling at how you squeezed him ever so lightly as your body finally settles against his, a light sigh escaping your lips as if you had just found the right spot.

He can hear something akin to a giant alarm sounding in the back of his mind, Wendy’s warning ringing in his ears. The mental image of a few gang members coming up to him with knives almost has him running out of your apartment but, he gazes down at you, his heart swelling in his chest at the sight of you tucked so perfectly against him and against his better judgement, he lets his arm drape over you too, adjusting himself ever so slightly so that you’re even closer to him, Wendy’s warning almost forgotten now.

You holding him like this reminds him of better times, of when he was still young, perhaps 6 or 7 and tucked between his parents on their king-sized bed, his tiny arms trying to curl around either his mother’s or father’s waist. It’s a distant memory but it’s one he holds very close to his heart and he misses it, misses the way their hugs would chase away his nightmares but after his father’s passing, his mother would shoo Jungkook out of her bed, probably because she wanted some time alone, but a poor 8-year-old child would never be able to figure that out alone. All he had deduced from that was that he wasn’t wanted.

It’s perhaps a little silly but he replays the memory every so often when times are hard at the office, just the notion of someone holding him enough to bring him some sort of comfort. He’s being selfish, he knows that because you’d never do this with him sober, he knows you won’t so this is his only chance and he allows himself to cherish it because maybe this could replace that old memory he has, one that’s frankly a little too painful to revisit sometimes.

Of course, it’s no lie that Jungkook has feelings for you, he’s finally admitted it now that he’s in your room, cuddling with you. His chest feels all tingly and warm every time he reminds himself that it’s you he’s next to right now, that it’s your arm that’s curling around his waist. He lets this serve as a sneak peek of what could be if he ever tells you about how he feels about you and the thought makes him smile. Whether you liked him or not, is a question that remains to be answered and maybe he doesn’t ask you because he’s afraid the answer is that you don’t, that you only see him as someone who paid you for your company. Would it be too much to ask you to pretend that you liked him for the rest of the contract period? It’s a question he’s asked himself one too many times. He lets those thoughts float away, choosing instead to relish this very moment, his palm stroking your back soothingly, his chin resting on the top of your head.

When he chooses to pull away, he feels his heart sink to his stomach, his lips automatically frowning at the thought of leaving you. He shouldn’t, he shouldn’t, he shouldn’t but again despite the voice that tells him not to do it, he leaves a soft kiss on your temple, the back of his hand stroking your cheek adoringly and it’s like you melt against his touch, a soft hum leaving you. Your lips at the moment look so kissable that it takes everything in him to stop himself from leaning down to steal a kiss. In the end, he settles for a soft peck on your cheek, okay maybe two, the second one lingering a second too long but really he couldn’t help that you looked so cute in your sleep, mouth agape, drool threatening to spill out. He thinks he’s dreaming but he’s quite sure he sees a small smile find its way onto your lips when he pulls away from your cheek and he knows he shouldn’t, but he takes it as a small victory, hoping someday he finds the courage to tell you that perhaps platonic doesn’t quite describe the relationship he wants to have with you anymore.

It’s almost 3 am when Jungkook exits your apartment building but oddly enough, he doesn’t feel tired at all. If anything, he was at peace, his heart happy and his soul singing. He laughs at himself, noting how starved he is for physical contact, that simply cuddling with you had brought him so much joy, but he wonders if he would really be feeling the same way had it been someone else he had held tonight. Thoughts, thoughts, he had so many of them and maybe it’s because he’s always so preoccupied after dropping you off that he never sees the black car that’s always just a little off in the distance, a large camera lens sticking out of the driver’s window.

Click. Click. Click.

The ever-expanding collection of photos continue to grow.

My, my. Y/N, you’ve grown so much, the hooded man thinks to himself as he gladly inspects the pictures from tonight. There’s a few pictures of you leaning in close to Jungkook as the two of you exit the bar, your hand resting delicately on his waist. Then, the next few pictures are of Jungkook leaving your apartment about a whole hour later after entering… Does it really take a genius to deduce what had happened in the meantime?

Ah, things are finally beginning to pick up and his folder on his computer named For Mrs. Jeon, only grows in size with each day. His plan was really beginning to fall into place and it was all because of… you. Oh little Y/N has come so so far, he smiles but you still had a long way to go, still so much to do but it was only a matter of time before he would stand from afar and watch everything crumble around the Jeons, your very existence the sole thing he needed to kick-start complete chaos.

Part 4

A/N: yeeeeee I read way too many articles on Monet for that one scene on his painting lmao but it’s okay I love him sm. Also, I watched a 30 minute documentary on ports because I was curious and imma just say port workers are so underappreciated ): Oh and hehe I swear you’ll find out who the hooded man is soon!!! Anyway, thank you for reading! and as always, feedback is welcome (:

[lifes-a-dick]

Determinism vs Free Will and Sherlock’s two falls.

When he jumped from the rooftop, Sherlock was carrying out an action that looked like his own free will but which he actually had no choice in. Determinism in philosophy says that humans cannot act or behave in any other way than they do. Everything that is going to happen is already determined by past events. We have no true freedom, only the illusion of it.

Sherlock couldn’t not fall from Bart’s, because Moriarty ensured through his own suicide that Sherlock would have no choice but to kill himself too. In Causal Determinism, cause-and-effect means that any event is completely determined by prior states. Sherlock knew that Moriarty killing himself gave him no other option, that by that one action (the cause) he must now die (effect). 

Continue under the cut ...

From John’s view Sherlock chose to jump. But the audience knows that he was ‘pushed’. So there are two perspectives - from John’s, Sherlock seemed free to do as he wished, but from the other view we could see every action that lead inevitably to the result.

His fate was inescapable, and you could trace that fate back to the beginning of Moriarty’s “game”. One long chain of cause-and-effect that lead ultimately to Sherlock’s death, no matter what he tried to do to stop it. Sounds like Death in Samarra, doesn’t it?

The opposing philosophical idea to Determinism is Free Will, which says that we do have control over our actions, that they are not already determined, that we are capable of choosing between different outcomes. That we are truly free.

Perhaps this is the point of Sherlock’s second fall, the one from the waterfall in TAB, where he is very clearly making his own decision to jump. It is certainly suggested in his expression as he falls that this is Sherlock re-writing his own story the way he wants. Not the way it was forced to be. He still takes the leap, but this time it was of his own free will. 

If Determinism were true, it would be like being trapped, being forced to play out a part that is already written. However, free will suggests that we truly have some control over the way our lives turn out. This subtext in Sherlock is very much about being trapped into doing what is expected of you versus being free to do what you wish.

The story of Death in Samarra from TST could be another intentional reference to Determinism. It tells a story about the course of the universe being fixed, and that we therefore cannot outrun our fate. What happens, must happen.

Guess what else in TST is about Determinism???! Sherlock’s speech about predicting the future. Because if Determinism is true then the future is theoretically calculable. What Sherlock says in TST is all over the Wiki page on Determinism:

The theory holds that the universe is utterly rational because complete knowledge of any given situation assures that unerring knowledge of its future is also possible. - x (wiki page)

If it were actually possible to have complete knowledge of physical matter and all of the laws governing that matter at any one time, then it would be theoretically possible to compute the time and place of every event that will ever occur. - x (wiki page)

If you could attenuate to every strand of quivering data, the future would be entirely calculable, as inevitable as mathematics. - Sherlock in TST

Sherlock in TST (despite his Free Will fall in TAB), seems dedicated to a Deterministic - completely rational - view of the world.  This is another example of Sherlock fully embodying his facade in S4.

“I’m Sherlock Holmes, I wear the damn hat”

Facade!Sherlock (Hat Man) would be quite happy to exist in a universe where everything were predictable and calculable. It would give him a feeling of control, and it would give him what he craves - the potential to know everything. The potential to deduce anything, including the future. To know everything would be to have nothing to fear.

The determinism vs free will debate is very often focussed on how each effects moral responsibility. If Determinism were true - and Hard Determinism precludes any free will in any of our actions - it would relieve Sherlock of responsibility for his behaviour.  And it would relieve him of the guilt of knowing that he had had the freedom to make other choices. It isn’t his fault that John suffered because of his faked death, or because of his failure to confess his love, because he had no free choice in any of his actions. 

“Jean-Paul Sartre suggested that people sometimes avoid incrimination and responsibility by hiding behind determinism: "...we are always ready to take refuge in a belief in determinism if this freedom weighs upon us or if we need an excuse"” x

Even after Mary made what she thought were random (free) choices in TST, she was unable to get ahead of Sherlock, because in S4, Hard Determinism is real and “no human action is ever truly random”.

Every one of her movements had been determined already, because humans cannot act or behave in any other way than they do. This is how (symbolically) Sherlock found her.

“On one hand, if determinism is true, all our actions are predicted and we are assumed not to be free; on the other hand, if determinism is false, our actions are presumed to be random and as such we do not seem free because we had no part in controlling what happened.” x

Moftiss’s writing on Doctor Who deals with this stuff a lot because stories with time travel in them constantly need to decide whether our actions can alter the future, or whether history is fixed. Moffat’s solution in DW is a combination - there are “fixed points” - certain moments in the universe’s history which must always happen as they do, but then there is flexibility too...

But getting in to the way Moffat handles this in DW is a whole other meta.

[I genuinely came across this entire idea from reading an example of determinism versus free will which used a freaking DIVING BOARD as an example of the distinction between the two concepts. The example said that Determinism is like someone being pushed from the diving board, and Free Will is like someone making their own decision to jump off it (Sherlock’s fancy gay little diving move before he jumps in TAB???!). It made me wonder whether the diving board analogy is like a common philosophy textbook example or something, and if Moftiss have referenced it?? I was unable to re-find where I read this diving board analogy (damn it!).]

Now flash forward from TAB to TFP, where the theme of the episode is I Want To Break Free.

In TFP we get an odd mixture of determinism AND free will represented in the scenes where Eurus forces Sherlock and John and Mycroft to make choices.

Being forced and being allowed to choose should be opposite ideas according to our Determinism vs Free Will subtext. So what’s happening in TFP in Eurus’s game is that we are tricked into believing our characters are being given choices, when they are really trapped in a psychopath’s game! These are NOT choices they are being given. They are prisoners - they have no free will.

I think this is telling a story once again, about the illusion of free will, JUST like Sherlock’s fall from Bart’s did. (SO did the Cabbie’s pill game in ASiP, btw! The cabbie gave his victims a choice, but it wasn’t a very good choice. Choose the gun, or a 50/50 chance at death. The cabbie’s victims were doomed to die though. The existence of any choice in the matter was an illusion.)

The determinism vs free will subtext is not so much simply Moftiss’s opinion on an ongoing philosophical debate, but rather they are using it as a commentary on the way we are made to believe that we are free, when we are not.

“None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free” - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

John is “not free” either (but at least he knows it now). These texts are always about Sherlock, remember. It was just texting, but I wanted more!

I’ve only seen this text message interpreted in terms of John being “not free” because in his heart he is with Sherlock (and as a reference to TPLoSH’s “I am not a free man”). 

But reading it in terms of Free Will frames this text message as being more about our freedom to choose our future, and that John here knows that he can’t outrun his own Death in Samarra which is his heteronormative/no-homo ending that he gets in S4. “Things won’t end well”. Nope. No they did not. “It was nice to get to know you a little”. Because friends are as close as John and Sherlock are going to get (for the time being).

Back to TFP, in the room with only the gun, Sherlock is forced to choose between John and Mycroft, but chooses not to choose, which @tendergingergirl explained here is an example of Buridan’s paradox, another little piece of philosophy referenced here.

On a surface level, clearly Sherlock could simply not bring himself to murder his brother, and so turned the gun on himself.

But the subtext of it - in terms of determinism vs free will - is that killing himself was the only free choice left available to Sherlock. It was what Eurus didn’t want him to do, and she was probably hoping it wouldn’t occur to him. Because it was the one choice left open to Sherlock which would represent a genuine act of Free Will, as it was neither of the two “choices” that were given to him. Neither of those were truly choices. But killing himself was. 

(And with the Cabbie in ASiP, Sherlock did the very same thing. He chose the gun instead of one of the two bottles of pills. But the gun was a fake, in a similar way to how a tranquilizer gun is fake. In ASiP Sherlock ended the Cabbie’s game by essentially getting up and walking away. In TFP he’s managed to escape Eurus’s game the same way - by finding a loophole. He didn’t kill Mycroft, he was able to make a different choice. Of course it didn’t seem like a good choice, but it was a loophole and it allowed him to symbolically escape, proving that perhaps he is indeed Freer than he thought.)

So while Sherlock shows this obsession with Determinism in TST, it seems he is rediscovering his desire for freedom in TFP.

Instead of playing Eurus’s game, Sherlock flipped the chess board. He knew, or had just figured out, that Eurus didn’t want him to die yet, and so Sherlock realised that he held the power over her. There’s a bit of a hint in one of Moffat’s Doctor Who episodes....

“The first rule of being interrogated is that you are the only irreplaceable person in the torture chamber. The room is yours, so work it. If they're going to threaten you with death, show them who's boss. Die faster.” - Heaven Sent (2015), written by Steven Moffat.

So the direction here is good - we’re moving from Sherlock in TRF doing as he is forced, to in TAB and TFP doing what he chooses. From things carrying on as they always have been (determinism), to rewriting history (free will)...

“You wrote your own version, as I remember. Appointment in Sumatra. The merchant goes to a different city and is perfectly fine.” - TST

@justanotherone16 tagging you because philosophy! 

More meta: A Leap of Faith by @raggedyblue and our musings on Reduction ad absurdum here and here and also Mind the Gap again by @raggedyblue. I’m betting there’s more metas out there about this stuff but these are the ones I found. Thanks for reading! :-D

[This is a bit like my Murder, not Suicide meta, but that was in the context of the suicides of gay men that were “murders” perpetrated by homophobic society]

[bynkii]

It’s all right there

(originally published on 18 Nov. 2015)

If only you’d look to the side once in a while

Somewhat odd fact: I’ve never been really anywhere outside of the U.S. Not that I’m anti-travel, it just seemed to never work out. I mean, I’ve been to Toronto, spent a summer in Mississauga with my cousin Diane and her family, and technically went near Nassau on a night-time cruise, but I was so obliterated that I don’t know if I left the boat.

I was in the Air Force, but at a B-1B base in the mid-80s to early-90s, and so we didn’t really even start going overseas for air shows and exercises until I was fixing to separate. Then came a marriage and a kid and it kind of just never happened. Which I do think is a shame, but I can’t say I’ve not done anything cool, I just did it all…here.

This came up because I was talking to a good friend of mine, N., who is much smarter and well-traveled than I, (and for a Cali transplant, still understands why Waffle House is amazing.) I was commenting how a mutal acquaintance, who is my age, seems to have just woken up to the reality that non-honkies in the U.S. have very different lives than honkies do. I said I didn’t get how someone could be as well-traveled as he is, (he has literally traveled the globe) and still be so…blind…to the world outside of his somewhat narrow set of interests. This legitimately puzzled me until N. explained it.

She said, (paraphrased) that if you’re traveling on business, to a conference or on a book tour or what have you, that it’s easy. You get off the plane and go to the hotel. Which is probably a Marriot or other chain, and where the club sandwich in Tokyo is exactly like the club sandwich in Des Moines. You are driven to where you need to be when you need to be there, you go out after to a restaurant, maybe a bar that is tourist-friendly, and then back to the hotel. After a few days, home you go. Maybe you take a day for being a tourist, but you’re going to do fairly standard stuff.

You do that enough, and there’s no difference between anywhere.

I can’t argue her point, I literally don’t know, but it struck me as sad. To be somewhere totally different, but wrap yourself in a cocoon of home, like some kind of odd warp bubble.

Because while I’ve never really left the U.S., there’s always been this “walkabout” impulse. I probably got it from my mom, who as a single woman, lived in Tokyo immediately following WWII for some years, (and evidently spent enough time near Hiroshima to come home rather sick for more than a few months), and then in the 50s and 60s, literally traveled everywhere in this country where a train would go. I’ve pictures of her in D.C., at Gettysburg, Monticello, San Francisco, you name it.

In an era where being an independent woman was somewhat frowned upon, she was independent. Mind you, she never learned to drive. This was all public transit and trains.

My dad helped too, he’d been in Japan & Korea in the early 50s, trying not to die during a war, and getting into marvelous trouble in Japan on leaves and furloughs.

One of his better stories, one that fascinated me was about how he and his friends would go to a restaurant in either country, and just blindly order. Whoever got the ugliest dish paid. He thought he was safe when a friend got the squid. Until a WHOLE OCTOPUS, eyes and all, broiled in its own ink was placed in front of him.

That always seemed like the coolest thing: go to a restaurant you’ve never been and just order something. How cool a way to learn new food? Sometimes, you get the octopus, sometimes you get amazing malaysian food. Amazing wins over OMG WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT more than you might think. Food is a great introduction to different cultures.

As I’ve mentioned, I grew up in Miami. My family moved down in 1970, and I didn’t really leave until 1986, when I joined the Air Force. I was there for some shit. Mariel, Liberty City, Murder Capital of the world, Cocaine Cowboys, (I still can’t really watch “Scarface”. Because too much of that movie isn’t some gorefest story, it’s what was happening in my world. There’s not a lot of exaggeration there), all of it.

It’s easy to fall into the tropes. Miami’s a pit, it’s a crimefest, it’s nothing but Cubans. But that’s the saddest way to look at it. Because Miami showed me so many things. ¿Qué Pasa USA? Pastelitos. Pecadillo. A properly made Cuban sangwich. The smell of the wall of ovens baking Cuban bread in an Imperial Supermarket just off 8th Street and Salzedo. The bizarre joy that was the Bed Race. Goombay, where I discovered a host of carribean food and music. Tito Puente. Gloria Estefan before she was Gloria Estefan. Guava. Flan. Materva. The Red Room. The Kitchen. Coconut Grove when there were still more hippies than hipsters. The Friday night Hare Krishna Drum Party in Coconut Grove, where you’d have a hundred people dancing along with the Krishnas and they would just play their asses off. The guy who sold small crabs and palmetto bugs dipped in gold.

It’s actually hard for me to talk about Cuban Culture like it’s some separate thing, because I grew up in it. I’m not Cuban, not even close, but that culture was a part of my youth and my adolescence. It’s not “other people’s” culture. It’s a part of me as much as it can be. You grow up in Miami, your first concert is P-Funk, it’s hard to live in The Honkie Zone™.

Here’s an example of how it affected me. One day, after I’d gotten out of the Air Force, my boss takes me to a Cuban place in Pinellas Park, La Terecita. (AmazingCuban food, BTW.) The waitress seats us, sees we’re a table of superhonkies, and gives us menus. With the food in english. I literally had no idea what any of it was, because you order Cuban food in spanish. What the fuck other language even makes sense? So I ask the waitress, when she returns, “Is there a spanish menu? I don’t know what any of this is in English.”

She looks at me and asks “Where you from?” I tell her Miami, she laughs and says “Okay baby, let me get you the menu.” (If you know what a Cuban accent sounds like, then you get more of the picture.) She comes back with a Spanish one, aka a real one, and at last, I can order my Picadillo y maduros y Materva. Fuck me, english, what use is that?

You also never understand why people are puzzled at children drinking coffee, because you start kids on cafe con leche as soon as they’re off the tit. I mean it. Non-Miamians don’t really get how central Cuban coffee is to life down there. Water is minor, cafecitos are critical.

As a kid in Miami, this was my “community pool”, Venetian Pool. It’s an old limestone quarry converted to a pool. To be able to use the diving boards, you had to swim across the pool without stopping, watched by the lifeguards. That was what turned you from a little kid to a big kid. Swimming is a necessity, because half your elementary school field trips are to the beach. Yeah, yeah, education, starfish, the stingray shuffle. I’m still convinced it was how the teachers wangled free midday beach time. As they should.

Some places brag about how you can watch the sun rise and set over the ocean by just walking a few miles. In Miami, on the highway out to Key Biscayne, you could do that just by turning around. Then there’s Stiltsville, and a not-long drive away, things like Pennekamp and Key West. Along with treasures now gone, like Ocean World, and Miami Marine Stadium, where you could see unlimited hydroplanes, and watch concerts with the stoners on rafts in the middle.

I was also there for https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurricane_Andrew. My biggest memory of that is just after the hurricane, when shit is still fucked up and Gloria Estefan, who unlike most celebrities, grew up in Miami, and is a hometown girl, holding a benefit in the Orange Bowl, to raise money to help folks out. It’s kind of fucked up, power is still wonky, she is a bit of a sweaty mess, (we all were), and yet there she is, singing “Coming Out of the Dark”, and somehow, everything was going to be okay. Gloria Estefan will always be okay in my book for that.

I don’t think you can grow up with my parents in that town and not look to the side every so often. Or all the time. And it helped me see, not just the bloody obvious truth, like the lives lived different of non-honkies in this country, but all the things.

Like driving between base and town in Grand Forks on highway 2, happy to be off early, (at 2am) and it’s one of those snowstorms where it’s not a blizzard, but the flakes are coming down big, wet and noisy. You can actually hear them hit, and as I come around a curve, there’s this explosion of light, and two two trucks pulling a semi out of the ditch. As Toccata & Fuge in D Minor is blasting in my Civic. Pipe organ version, of course. There is something perfect about that, along with Bach at 2am during another snowfall in the middle of nowhere.

Or another night, same highway, same time of day, only it’s summer, and there’s this flash of light and a roar I only hear because my windows are down, and as I look up, I see a metor blasting through the sky overhead, on fire, big trail of smoke. I pull right the fuck over because if it hits, fuck yeah, i’m gonna get a piece. (No, the obvious downsides didn’t occur to me, because ROCK FROM SPACE.) It burned up completely before it hit, but I got to see it.

You look to the side, and you find things. Like malaysian restuarants in Kansas City. Or how, in Biloxi, just outside of Keesler AFB, if you and your friends go to the same Chinese place enough, and keep ordering “something with beef, something with pork, something with chicken, and surprise us” enough, eventually the family that runs it starts making you the non-gweilo versions of things. Or that there’s a fantastic Dim Sum place not a half-block from the Moscone in S.F., an amazing cajun place in Knob Knoster, MO, and one of the best southern restaurants ever is near Binghampton, NY, (THEO’S4LYFE!)

You see things that other folks miss. Like a tango club performance in Union square, where the guy in his 70s is shaming all the younger men. Because he may be old and slow everywhere else, but he is the Tango grandmaster and the youngin’s best just step back, this is his show.

Walden Pond. It’s not just where Thoreau lived, (with lots of help from his friends. He may have wrote about self-reliance, but he was not so good at practicing it) it’s a place. It’s a swimmin’ hole. Kind of cold, but very beautiful, and a great place to take slow walks with friends. The whaling museum in Peabody. Realizing that on multiple occasions, a pre-fame/pre-Gaiman Amanda Palmer made you milkshakes and sundaes (and she was very good at it.)

You become best friends with everyone in a ten-meter radius at a crawfish festival, because you just can’t suck head, and so you give away heaping plates full of the nasty things to anyone within reach. For this, you get a lot of free beer. Some years later, at Bad Medicine Lake in MN, you gorge on the biggest crawfish you’ve ever seen, (LOBSTER-SIZED) because people up there think they’re gross, and the bottom of the lake is covered with them. It is totally worth the hypothermia you risk, and pissing off a plethora of plastered, pulchritudinous sorority sisters because if they reject crawdads, they can’t be worth your time.

You meet people who aren’t like you, and learn at a young age, just how full of shit you are, and maybe you should fix that. You pick up foul words in multiple languages, (profanity starts both fights and friendships. Often simultaneously.) You learn that the “stripper paying her way through college” isn’t just a trope, and she amazes you both with her pole work and her analysis of pre-Revolutionary War America.

You discover, if you’re open to it, that there are amazing people everywhere in all walks of life, doing all kinds of jobs you aren’t, and they are just fascinating. That there are former adult stars on Twitter who build amazing models of Star Wars ships from metal because that’s what they do, when they aren’t losing their minds over the San Jose Sharks or making beautiful art. They talk about their work too, and that’s even neat because you learn about the behind the scenes stuff. “Inside baseball” is fucking fascinating when it’s about porn. (Ed. note: this person checked out a few years ago. I genuinely miss her, and presence on Twitter.)

You learn that two authors you admire who have become friends have forgotten more about food and culture than you’ll ever know. You learn the history of Switzerland that’s about just how terrifying the Swiss are, “…I’m from Northern Ireland, I don’t do well with unannounced gunfire.”, and that a description of dinner eating between two members of old Russian Royalty can be far, far more…intense than any non-porn writing has a right to. (Seriously, hie thee to wherever you can find them, and read all of “Tales of Old Russia” by Peter Morwood. DESCRIPTIONS OF DINNER SHOULD NOT HAVE THAT EFFECT ON PEOPLE.)

Actually, if you see anything with either Peter or Diane Duane as authors or co-authors, just read it. Trust me on this.

It’s not hard to see the world as it is, good and bad, awesome and terrifying. You don’t even have to leave the country. You just have to look around every so often.

[averybritishsomething]

Long moving update

Hi! I know I promised this, and obviously I’ve been online and caught up, but here is my fun moving story. And all my shit is in my new condo. as far as I know most of it survived in one piece. So if you don’t know me, and wanted a tldr there it is! Read more cause this got long as hell

SO! Monday night I stayed up till 2 am (tuesday morning I guess) finishing packing most of the shit. Mom was coming on Tuesday (and before I continue, I just need to say that she was actually massively helpful, and not judgmental about shit, and honestly, best help I've gotten from here in a LOOOONG ass time) and I wanted to look like I was totally ready. Because some of my college moves were a complete shit show, and mom witnessed all of those. I crashed around 2.30-3 ish, planning to sleep till 9.45. Nope. the doughnuts my relator sent over (which are stans doughnuts and delicious) arrived at 9.15 instead of 11. So I broke speed records for getting dressed in something and running out to get those. Mom made it about 11.30 and we were working on the last min shit (getting all the trash out, and loading everything in my fridge/freezer into coolers because who needs to buy all new condiments). We had finished packing all the shit by a bit after 1, and had moved onto sweeping where we could (around the boxes lol) and double checking cabinets. My movers said it would only take an hour to move all of my packed shit into their truck, drive it to the new place, and get it up in the elevator. They said they would be there between 1 and 2. so. I had elevator reservations at this building for 1-5. Any time I go over, I have to pay a fee. $50 a half hour. I told the movers this in the initial email. They never gave me a phone number, everything had been over email. At 1.30 I started to get nervous. at 2 I started to call every number I could find attached to them online. Finally I got a call back at 2.15. Their previous job had run over, and I was next. They would get to my place by 3.30. Welp. nothing I can do. I reiterated the time for the elevator. And for those unfamiliar with Chicago traffic, let me tell you, rush hour starts at about 4, and lasts until 8 ish. The drive between the two places is about 15 min in a speeding uber with no traffic, or 45 min stuck in all the traffic. Or something between. They brought an extra guy they didn’t charge me for, and got all my shit out in like 20 min. Which is just fucking impressive, because I had a daybed, mattress, 3 shelves with cubes in them, a desk, chair, tv, 4 rugs, 9 under bed bins, and about 40 moving boxes, and lived in a second story walk up. 

So then mom and I ran over to the new place. Plan was, I run in, get the movers, do whatever I needed to do with security, got moms parking pass for later, while mom went back to the apartment to get the things we didn’t want the movers to move (there were like 4 smallish boxes, 2 backpacks, and the contents of the freezer that needed to be tossed into grocery bags. the boxes and backpacks were fragile and irreplaceable things, and the backpacks were legal docs, a few decent and sentimental pieces of jewelry, and my laptop), then, once mom was headed over, i’d head down, meet her in the circle drive out front, and we’d figure out parking. 

lol

So, I run in, run back to the loading bay, and can’t find a security guard. Then the movers call and they can’t figure out how to get to the back of the building. So I go out back to try to give them directions. They finally show up (traffic was awful), and one guy goes, ‘show me where to go’. So he follows me. Still no guard by the loading bay, so I head to management office. A security guard is going in, so I go to follow him and he yells at me. OOOK. I decide to go to the front desk next. They tell me to go to management and point out I only have about 45 min (I FUCKING KNOW). I say I can’t get into the management office right now, this is time sensitive, where is the security guard by the back door. She radios someone and says they’re coming around the corner. Guard who yelled at me earlier comes around the corner. I ask him. He says hes looking for someone and not to bother him. oooook. I go back to the front desk. she now says they don’t have the move in info up there, can’t prove that i am who i say i am, and that I need to move. and to head back to management. Management is a 4 min leisurely stroll from the desk btw. So i’m heading back, when a different security guard rounds the corner, and asks if im the mover. well she asks the mover if we’re moving in, and i’m like ‘nope, i am, he’s carrying the shit, i’m paying’. and she starts in on complaining about how we’ve kept her waiting all day and she wants to go home. I apologize (but like also, I paid her to be there. not to sound entitled, but she was paid to do nothing but sit in an air conditioned office waiting for me to show up, and then to watch movers walk by. I’m sorry, but good grief, i also did not want to be running late). So then we try to take the elevators. the door to the freight elevator is locked for no fucking reason. my fob won’t work. she doesn't have a key. So i run back to the front desk, and she radios for mr friendly security guard to come back. He takes his sweeet ass time walking there, and we spend 5 min staring at the glass doors separating me from the service elevators. my mover is like ‘ i hope we’re refunded for this 15 min’ and i’m like ‘bitch i wish you’d showed up on time’ internally but just nod. SO then she’s like ‘you know you just have 15 min left. ‘ and i’m like ‘yes i am aware’. and she’s like ‘i have to tell management if you run over’ and i’m like ‘yes i know this too’. so it’s unlocked, I escort the movers to my room, unlock the door, and then fucking sprint back to management office (which I still haven’t made it into today) so I can pick up my parking pass for mom, before management office closes at 5. so the movers get my shit up in like 45 min, and then move it to the correct rooms. I pay them and tip them cause apparently you’re supposed to. and then I lay down and try to stop sweating for 5 seconds.

Then mom calls. She’s on her way, and got everything but one box in her car. So I head down to the lobby (meet a neighbor I share a wall with, he seems super nice, teaches piano, was giving a lesson while i was moving in, I couldn’t hear anything. i love these thick walls) and hop in moms car, and we go to figure out the garage. We finally figure out how to get in (this took a few min, the garage system is currently complicated as they’re in the middle of renovating) get down and discover that yes we have in and out privileges with this pass, but it’s still valet. all parking I can get for guests is valet. which is awkward but ok. We meet William, who is SUPER friendly, nicely explains how the garage works, lets us leave the car by the valet stand while we unload some things, lets me use the luggage cart, just is all around awesome. So we get the shit upstairs, unload the cold shit, and run back downstairs to drive to fucking ikea. We get there, figure out the closet thing I want is too big for my closet (sigh) and order the rest of the shit to be delivered here on the 11th. So that’s when I’ll have furniture again lol.  

we go home and pass out. it’s 11, i’ve been running all day, this is deserved. 

the next day we start unpacking. I'm dealing with my clothes, mom is doing the kitchen. I hear some ‘broken pottery pieces moving around noises’ and know i’m fucked. All my fucking plates except 3 are busted. They were sturdy old plates that looked like fiestaware I got at good will and have had for nearly 10 years. They're all still wrapped in my bubble wrap. Just fucking shattered. So. that’s something I need to deal with. So far they’re the only broken things we’ve found, but damn it’s going to be a pain to replace. So once the cable guy shows up 2 hours late, and finally gets that set up, mom and I run back to the apartment, grab the last box, and go to physically drop my keys off because my landlord sucks. We get stuck in traffic cause Western is shit again, and finally make the ‘20 min’ drive according to gps in about an hour. I drop them off, and we’re back at my condo. Mom and I unpack until she leaves in the evening and then I go to my room and get online and I haven’t unpacked shit since then. I’m going to after I type this out (and send a form to the office, and ask a polite question about how do I get amazon packages delivered to the package room because my smoke alarm does not work at all and the nice matience guy who discovered that yesterday let me off without a fine, cause he could see i’d literally just moved in, but I need to fix that). But like.... i’m actually in the room! and about half the boxes are unpacked!!! which is amazing!!!! so, it had some issues, but at least i’m fucking moved!

[facepalming-since-chernobyl]

Love is like a fart - an anti SC fandom fic

On AO3 HERE

For people who are tired of THAT fandom’s BULLSHIT.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

ME: This fic is very serious. No joking. No sarcasm. No irony. I’m dead serious. Serious like a heart attack. Serious like-

MON-EL: Like Serious Black?

ME: It’s SIRIUS Black and what the hell are you doing here?! Go back to the fic!

MON-EL: :(

ME: *cough awkwardly* Well, enjoy.

*

Lena and Kara, the loverbirds tortured and separated by bad writers, bad boyfriends and bad dead boyfriends were finally sitting in a super fancy, super exclusive apartment that Lena bought for Kara. Every free space was filled with roses. Lena also bought Kara two restaurants, super expensive car, a cottage in mountains and Monaco.

Because this is what you do when you truly and eternally love someone - you overwhelm your lover with not needed stuff. Because this is a sign of magical and pure love.

And well, because you are loaded, don’t give a shit about money and you can make that person feel like she owes you. #HealthyRelationshipGoals!!!

*

MXY: *munching popcorn* I can relate.

ME: What the fuck are you doing here?

MXY: Stalking.

ME: UGH.

*

Kara and Lena were sitting on a couch and sharing a blanket, because there is nothing more romantic than stealing scenes from the other ships, especially when your ship doesn’t have a single, normal, not delusional aka OMG-they-are-breathing-in-one-room!! canonical romantic scene.

(Sounds of SC fandom sobbing in the distance.)

So, they were sitting on the couch and the chemistry between them - nitrogen, oxygen, argon and carbon dioxide - was like always sparkling with unresolved sexual tension.

*

MXY: Wait, you just listed the elements of air.

ME: Because there is no other fucking chemistry there, duh?

MXY: Sad truth.

*

Kara looked at Lena lovingly like she was her best friend….

(Best friend? Wait a minute!)

*

ME: Kara, put your crap together and look at Lena like she’s the love of your life.

KARA: But I don’t know how!

ME: Just look at her like you look at Mon-El all the time, ok?

*

Kara lovingly looked at Lena, like Lena was Mon-El, because there was no other fucking way to make this shit genuine and relatable.

“Lena,” Kara asked sweetly.

“Yes, Starling?” Lena answered.

*

JACK: Hey! Stop stealing my fucking lines!!!

ME: Shut up, who cares? You are dead.

JACK: :’(((((((

MXY: YOLO, dude.

*

“Lena... why are you chewing your lip?”

“Because, I’m hungry, honey,” Lena said suggestively.

“I’m starving too, let’s order some food.”

“Silly, I’m hungry for your pussy.”

Kara stared awkwardly at Lena. Lena stared awkwardly at Kara.

“That was weird...” Kara said finally.

“Yeah, I know. But I found it in sc fics.”

“There are fics about us?!”

“Yes, in most of them we want to fuck each other and act super OOC, Mon-El is portrayed like the biggest OOC piece of shit that has nothing in common with canon and the shippers can’t tag properly their abusive crap even if their lives depend on it.”

“That’s why I don’t check tumblr these days.”

Lena gasped, suggestively because she did everything suggestively, and took out her phone “But you have to check this amazing cats video I -” and then she started crying. Suggestively.

“Why are you crying?”

“I just found posts made by SC shippers claiming Katie McGrath can’t play a straight character and have no chemistry with men actors! Kara, does it mean they think she is a shitty actress?”

Kara sweated (suggestively), “Well...”

*

MXY: *munching popcorn* Basically, they seriously claim she is a shitty actress.

LENA: *stares into the camera* That’s why Katie McGrath doesn’t have official accounts on social media.

ME: Because of the haters?

LENA: BECAUSE OF HER FUCKING STANS!!!

*

“Well, let’s just talk, ok? We are best friends after all, right?”

Suddenly Kara started crying too (suggestively, of course).

“Why, are you crying?”

“I don’t know, I just got a very canonical and weird feeling about the best friend thing. It’s so amazing that we have nothing in common and I can’t even tell you I am a fucking alien and that I lie to you all the time because, tadah!, I’m a freaking Supergirl! For sure it’s not going to kick my ass one day and fuck up our relationship, right? And it’s not like you are going to die in 50 years, leaving me alone and heartbroken, because I’m going to live forever, lol. We are super duper relationship goals, right?”

Lena blinked dumbly (and very suggestively) “Wait, you are an alien and Supergirl?”

Kara sweated in a super sexual way, “Ahahahaha! I’m joking!”

“Ahahaha!” Lena joined her, very sexually and suggestively, “So, funny! Supergirl? OMG, you look totally different, you wear glasses! I’m a freaking genius after all, I would realize my BEST friend is Supergirl, lol”.

They both laughed (very suggestively) for some time and finally Kara said:

“So, we should talk more, we are best friends and have so many interesting topics to discuss!”

...

Silence.

Still silence.

Super silence.

*

ME: Ugh, it’s awkward.

MXY: Yep. Make them talk about hot guys.

ME: They can’t talk about hot guys.

MXY: But it’s canon.

ME: It’s a SC fic, so we ignore the canon.

MXY: Make it sexual then.

ME: *sighs*

*

Suggestive sexual silence and tension like in every scene with Kara and Lena (at least in SC shippers’ eyes).

*

MXY: See? Everything is fixed now.

ME: *whispers to Jack’s Ghost* Is it?

JACK’S GHOST: *whispers back* Don’t ask me, I’m fucking dead.

ME: Let’s just move on...

*

“Did you know that shipping SC is the most progressive thing you can imagine?” Lena asked  with a low, suggestive voice.

“Shipping two white, privileged women who like dicks is called progressive these days?” Kara blinked her eyes in a very sexual fashion.

“Yes, I have a tumblr post that proves it,” Lena smiles. “And did you know that fucking writers are queerbaiting our fans?”

Kara gasped (suggestively), “No way! But didn’t they say we are only friends and Kara is not gay?”

Lena blinked, not very suggestively but you know, SC shippers are going to interpret it like that no matter what, “Well, they did, but my actress bites her lip, you know, in a sexuall way.”

“So, your actress… queerbaits SC fans, even if it’s not in the script?”

Lena blinked. Kara blinked back.

*

LENA: Does my actress queerbaits SC fans?

ME:...

MXY:...

JACK’S GHOSTS:...

ME: We don’t talk about it.

LENA: *CRIES IN IRISH*

*

Kara looked at Lena’s trembling lips and said:

“Maybe we should just move to the part everyone lusts for and kiss passionately.”

So they did and….

*

Hospital, an hour later

Sniffing Kara was standing near Lena’s bed.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it!” she sobbed.

“Don’t worry,” said Lena, covered by the bandages like a mummy “I’m fine. You just broke my nose, both hands, ten ribs and spine. I’m sure I’m not going to be paralyzed forever.”

Kara sniffed, ”So, do you want to go for another date?”

Lena opened her mouth and -

*

Lena’s apartment

Lena woke up screaming.

“And then she asked me out again and I screamed and I woke up,” Lena sobbed into Jack’s chest few minutes later, after telling him the whole nightmare.

“It’s ok, it was just a dream,” Jack kissed her hair and hugged her tightly.

Suddenly, James switched on the bed lamp.

“Guys, I love you both, but can we go back to sleep? I need to fucking get up in the morning.”

*

Kara’s apartment

Kara woke up laughing like an idiot.

“Rao, I just had the funniest dream you can imagine.”

“Can we talk about it in the morning?” Mon-El mumbled tiredly into her neck.

“But I want to hear it now!” Brainiac5 popped out from under the blanket and hugged Mon from behind.

“Can you stop rubbing my ass?” Mon-El growled.

“I thought you like it,” Brainiac said tearily.

“Not in the 5 in the morning, raodamnit!”

“What the hell Brainy is doing in our bed?” Imra asked suddenly.

“The more the merrier!” Mon and Brainiac said together.

Suddenly, a lightning stroke outside, the door to their bedroom opened and Lightning Lad walked in:

“Someone said something about the more the merrier?! ”

Imra and Kara looked at each other.

“We need a bigger bed,” they said in unison.

THE END

I’m not sorry.

P.S. BTW:

Me:Moniac5 for the win!

Mon-El: Winn is here too? *checks under the bed*

Me: WIN not WINN! Mon, stop-

Mon-El: *takes out Winn from under the bed*

Me:...

Me:They seriously need a bigger bed…

THE END END

[sanny-chan5]

Getting to know me :D

1. What is you middle name? I don’t have one. I think this question is thought for American people, because almost all of them have one, right? 2. How old are you? 23. 3. When is your birthday? March 2. 4. What is your zodiac sign? Piscis <3 5. What is your favorite color? Sweet, light pink 💗 6. What’s your lucky number? 13, surprisingly, but not my fav one. 7. Do you have any pets? No. 8. Where are you from? Spain. 9. How tall are you? 1’56-7 m. 10. What shoe size are you? Ummm, it depends on the shoes, but 37-8 normally. 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? About 10 or so. 12. What was your last dream about? Me peacefully talking with a kid while he draws in class. 13. What talents do you have? I think I can read people’s feelings and reflect about human’s condition pretty well. I can also draw in manga style (not a pro, though, but I love it). 14. Are you psychic in any way? Yes LOL. 15. Favorite song? “Stay the Same”, by Mai-K <3 16. Favorite movie? This one is difficult af, I don’t think I have one yet. 17. Who would be your ideal partner? WOW. Like… idk??? Someone really dreamy and encouraging. Empathetic, I don’t ask for him to understand me, but VALIDATING me/my values/ideals is a must. 18. Do you want children? Yes :) 19. Do you want a church wedding? No… I prefer a “castle” wedding. I’m very romantic in that aspect and, well, dreaming is free :’) 20. Are you religious? Not really… but I’m very spiritual/intrinsec and I respect everyone’s religious believings as long as they’re not dangerous for someone else. 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes. Not like hospitalized, but I have been there. 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Never, not really planning to. 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? If a voice actor of my country ora n idol counts, yes :’) 24. Baths or showers? Baths, so relaxing <3 25. What color socks are you wearing? A brownish-pink colour J 26. Have you ever been famous? No, not that I’m planning to. 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? NO. 28. What type of music do you like? Many different kinds, but pop and j-pop anime songs are my favourite and what I listen to daily. 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Umm, nope. 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? A big one <3 (so comfy >-<) 31. What position do you usually sleep in? Either cudlle up like a burrito roll or spread up lol. 32. How big is your house? Not so much. We had a BIG chalet before but lost it because of the crisis. Now my family and I live in an ordinary, cutely little, flat <3. 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Cola-cao with cereals/toasts with butter and jam. Ñaaam 😋 34. Have you ever fired a gun? NO. Again, not that I want to… 35. Have you ever tried archery? No, but I’d like to try it al least once. I’d probably suck at it though 😂 36. Favorite clean word? Mm… don’t know D: Probably a cute japanese one ‘cause otaku life (2 dedos). 37. Favorite swear word? Whoa, I don’t think I should answer this xD 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? A whole night, and I don’t recomend anyone, honestly. 39. Do you have any scars? A tiiiiny one on my knee, but nothing serious as to name it “scar”, I guess (children’s playful life c:) 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Uumm… I don’t know, maybe? I had a guy who told me he had been trying to find me for 6 years after I moved the first time, but hat only got me scared, so… xD 41. Are you a good liar? NO. OMG no x’DD But I treasure that about me, you freaking dirty society :c 42. Are you a good judge of character? YES. Usually I am. 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? I suppose, but I don’t know if I imitate them well or not though ^^’ Sorry for that u.u 44. Do you have a strong accent? No. Not that I think. 45. What is your favorite accent? Uffff. In my country there are so many accents I like. The Andalusian one, the one of Extremadura… xD don’t know if those count. 46. What is your personality type? Type, like, in MBTI? INFP 💙🧡💚💗💖 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? Umm, I don’t remember… 48. Can you curl your tongue? I think I can’t xD 49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie xD I don’t get why, but I feel awkward about this x’DD 50. Left or right handed? Right-handed. 51. Are you scared of spiders? YES. Any insect really. 52. Favorite food? Don’t have ONE, but my favourite ones are “mixed” food (sorry, I don’t know how to name them, but I refer to foods made with a great amount of ingredients: paella, Spain stew, Russian salad, rice with lobster or Chinish fried rice) I’m seriously getting hungry now x). 53. Favorite foreign food? CHINESE FRIED RICE (“Arroz 3 delicias” in spanich, if you know what I mean :’)) 54. Are you a clean or messy person? Cleanly messy?. I can find anything in my own mess and I feel good about it. Though I can’t stand other people’s mess, I guess I just feel control over my mess (?). 55. Most used phrased? I don’t know really D’: “How can this be so cute?!!”? 56. Most used word? Kawaii. I love all fluffy, cute characters, persons, animals, objects, moments or whatever thing it is. Sorry, not sorry. 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 30-40 min. normally. 58. Do you have much of an ego? Not an arrogant ego, but I totally respect everyone’s honour because I hate feeling humiliated. And I have a say in that… 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck them then bite them? 60. Do you talk to yourself? YES. Sorry not sorry. It helps organazing your mind. 61. Do you sing to yourself? ALSO YES. I sing every single of the day, practically xD I’m usually at home, listening to music in my PC.

62. Are you a good singer? As I said, I enjoy it, but I don’t sing well, so I’m not doing this publicly if it’s not with people I trust, and even then...

63. Biggest Fear? To die alone not prepared for it as I realice I didn’t live my way. And to be constantly critized by society. Why can’t I live my life freely?! 64. Are you a gossip? I hate it but like the 80% of my whole family is. So many times it’s very difficult not to be. I hate criticisms and don’t feel well recieving so I don’t want to be like this. I’m working about it now :c 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Mmm… don’t remember L 66. Do you like long or short hair? Both. I have it shoulder-leight right now :D 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? No xD Not good with geography… if it’s Japan, then… 😝 68. Favorite school subject? Music/art. I enjoyed Language too. But my favourite ever was PHILSOPHY. 69. Extrovert or Introvert? Introvert. INFP, remember? ^^ 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No, but I’d love it too! :D I’m afraid of sharks, though, not sure if that’s actually a problem… (think) 71. What makes you nervous? SO. MANY. THINGS. I’m a little too much shy, so formalities/awkward social situations are the worst… terror and scary things, not feeling confident… normal things, I guess. It’s pretty easy to make me jump out of fright LOL 72. Are you scared of the dark? Only if I’m alone and not feeling well. 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Yes… sorry about that :c I like being corrected if I need to, though, so feel free to tell me so that I can improve myself J 74. Are you ticklish? OMG. I don’t want to answer this xD Yes, but it’s embarrasing. Shhh… >-< 75. Have you ever started a rumor? No. I’ve never thought about it, but they usually turn bad/worse, o… I don’t feel like hurting someone else’s feelings just ‘cause I can, thank you very much. 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Yes, as a Preschool Teacher on practics, only J Though I’m not good with authority stuff xD 77. Have you ever drank underage? NO. Still don’t, and I don’t plan to, at least for the moment. 78. Have you ever done drugs? NO. Same as before. 79. Who was your first real crush? A high-school classmate. I’ve not fallen in love since then, btw. 80. How many piercings do you have? None. 81. Can you roll your Rs? Yes, I’m Spanish, so I’ll think of this as if I’m good with other languages’ diction. Yes, I am  x) 82. How fast can you type? I guess fast enough? 83. How fast can you run? Not much, I guess. Never good with P.E. :’) 84. What color is your hair? Brown. 85. What color is your eyes? Greenish brown (?) 86. What are you allergic to? I don’t know, I never did the allergy tests because our Sanity is so good  they never gave me an appointment ot it even if my family asked for it :’) 87. Do you keep a journal? No, but I’d like to. 88. What do your parents do? Jobs? My father’s tiler (?) and my mother “works at home” (I don’t like the “housewife” term). 89. Do you like your age? I… guess? I have had quite a number of existencial crsis already, but I want to enjoy the present and work on as many projects I can in life, so… 90. What makes you angry? MANY THINGS ABOUT THIS WORLD. Ass/arrogant people, cruelty, society giving pressure to our individual needs, … 91. Do you like your own name? Yes J It’s an ordinary one, but not that ordinary, and it’s kinda “beautiful”, I think (?) (like, it sounds good and I like it written too. There are words I just like, and there are researchs about synesthetic people, if you wanna try a look). 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? YES. For a girl, it’ll be Sakura or Hikari. If it’s a boy, I don’t know yet, but might be something related to Luffy, as the name of an Spanish youtuber (Lutffi, and yes he’s aware of the character, and no it wasn’t on purpose lol). I’m a weeb, aren’t I? Sorry ‘bout that >o< 93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I don’t  know. I always wanted a girl, but now I’m starting to like the idea of a couple like siblings… 94. What are you strengths? Emm. I think I have great empathy, are good with psycological aspects and very flexible/open-minded. I like to try new things. 95. What are your weaknesses?Pysic aspects, not good with formalities and kinda socially awkward… I’m not a good at organizing (but I’m getting better) nor with  routines… 96. How did you get your name? My mother named me? xD 97. Were your ancestors royalty? No, I don’t think so xD. And NO, I don’t want to :( 98. Do you have any scars? What? Again? It’s a mistake, right? :o 99. Color of your bedspread? Many bright colors xD (light, not “shiny” though) 100. Color of your room? Purple and light pink.

PD: Sorry, I’m not really an interesting peroson, but I can’t help sharing this tests, I love doing them x)

[dippedanddripped]

Bethany Williams has built more of an NGO than a fashion brand, that much was made extremely clear when we sat down to talk shortly after her International Woolmark Prize nomination was announced. That's not to say that her clothing isn't incredible, because it is, just that the social impact of her clothing carries as much weight as the design.

Williams grew up on the Isle of Man, an island between England and Ireland. "It's really small. There's a population of like 80,000 people. I grew up there with my mum and my grandparents — my mum was a pattern cutter for a factory and my nan taught me how to knit." It was a household of makers and she embraced upcycling from a young age, largely because the local offering was pretty dire. "There was one Topshop and one River Island and then nothing, especially not before internet shopping. So I'd always have to buy things from a charity shop and then remake them or change them or alter them just so I could have something that was unique."

Pairing upcycling with a quest for uniqueness and supporting charities has, over time, become the core of Williams' label. Except now she's selling her pieces via some of the biggest luxury retailers in the world, collaborating with sportswear giants, and setting a standard for what partnering with charitable projects could, and arguably should, look like within the fashion space. And she's doing a lot of that work with the help of donated and recycled textiles. "We have yarns donated from different suppliers in Italy and then we just use those materials. If one store has a different colorway to another store, it's because we've run out [of one particular yarn or material]."

Her recent adidas collab was built via donated textiles, too. "adidas has a campaign called Stuffstr where you sell your adidas stuff back to them and then they'll wash it or repair it or shred it. We've been taking that and making that into clothing." She also turned it into furniture for the brand's Carnaby Street store in London. "We worked with this artist called Melissa Kitty Jarram" who focused on "female sponsored athletes and adidas endorsed artists, and we patchworked them into big murals, which we then stretched over furniture."

Stuffstr is just one of the many social enterprises Williams has an active relationship with; the number of projects she lists over the course of our conversation was a task in itself to keep up with. "With each collection, we work with a charitable project in the UK and donate 20 percent of our profit to them. We work with social projects on our manufacturing, like San Patrignano in Italy. It's a drug rehabilitation center and has one of the highest recovery rates in the world. It's a community of 1,200 people and has 50 different sets of craftsmanship. We work with the handwoven textiles department; we make new textiles that are handwoven from recycled content.

"We've also been working with The Magpie Project for two collections; a charity that supports women and children under five in temporary, unsuitable or no accommodation [in London]. They have a playgroup, shoes, prams, nappies, and they know their rights for housing. It's a massive support network. 80 percent of the women who need the project are under legislation called No Recourse to Public Funds (that's the name of Williams' FW20 collection, btw), which affects your immigration status —  you have the right to work, right to reside, but you don't have access to the welfare system."

"We've seen through COVID how that really affected families that can't access the furlough scheme, can't access sickness benefit, and can't access NHS. So we bring them into the project [to tell their story] through the collections, to raise money from the collections, and then also introduce them to our partners to seek further donations. It affects a hundred thousand children in the UK."

The brand has also worked to support women leaving prison, on building support networks that help reintroduction to life outside the system, and to reduce reoffending rates. "Moving forward we want to continue working with council projects and continue donating," Williams explains.

"I think activism needs to be speaking about issues but it also needs to be about tangible solutions and how to move things forward. So that's what we're trying to do, [cultivating] tangible change through employment and empowering people through the power of making. The people who make our clothes are really important."