#this took me so long it was so hard to get kirk to look like kirk....

[rubbertplant]

spocktober 19: pon farr

what can I say. gay rights

[the-cimmerians]

It's 2024. I have been participating in fandom for 40 years. This is a ramble commemorating some history I've experienced along the way.

In 1984, I attended my first convention, and made a beeline for the one long row of covered tables in the Dealer's Room that was, according to the whispered lore of my friends, 'the one'. "um", I said, very suavely and coherently, except for how it was totally the opposite of those things, "I'm here for the... for the, uh. For-"

"Come around here," the man behind the table said with exhausted ennui, so I went around, and he lifted up the table skirt next to him and pointed to rows and rows of boxes underneath the line of tables. "It's all under here."

It was all under there. Along with about five older ladies with glasses, graying hair, cardigans. Flipping through slash zines and chatting in whispered voices like old friends (which of course they were). I noticed one of them had the good sense to be wearing kneepads. I was still too young and ablebodied to need kneepads when crawling on a carpeted floor, but I immediately found her preparedness skills to be both impressive and hot. "You're new," one of the ladies whispered to me--a bit warily, which made sense. "Are you sure you're in the right place?"

In the faint light (the kneepads lady had also come prepared with a flashlight, additional practicality hotness points for her) I grabbed a comb-bound book with a heavy line art piece on the cover, featuring a musclebound Captain Kirk getting righteously and enthusiastically plowed by a stern-yet-ebullient Spock. "This," I said, pointing helpfully at the cover, like I was trying to make myself understood in a language I had only the vaguest knowledge of. "I'm here for this."

Outside at the convention, most of the attendees were wearing large homemade circular pins that shrieked 'K/S is BS!!!'1. But underneath the table, we reveled in the forbidden.

***

In 1985, I fell very hard for Starsky & Hutch fandom. Which was simply referred to at the time as 'the other fandom', because there were only two. We were upstarts. Many fannish elders predicted that it was just a phase.

***

The 'circulating library' was a massive stack of barely-legible pages that smelled strongly of mimeograph ink. When you were on the list, you would write stories while you waited for your turn, and when the big box was mailed to you, you would read everything (new finds, old favorites), add your own sloppily-typed or hastily-mimeographed stories, and then mail the whole thing to the next person. For me, at the time, it was an extremely expensive indulgence--but my favorite one.

***

By 1990, slash fandom had grown enough that I no longer knew everyone in it, which was both thrilling and a bit daunting. A young woman at a convention waited for me after a panel I was part of (I think it was 'writing impactful smut' or something like that), and said she had a question she didn't want to ask in a group setting. I'd heard that before. I said that's fine, go ahead and ask; and she came out with: "Why do you have to be gay?"

I blinked. "Is... that a problem?"

She looked annoyed. "Yes, because your stories are on all the recommendation lists and in all the top zines, but if you're gay and I read something you wrote and I get hot from it that makes me gay, and I'm not gay."

"Wow." I grinned, I couldn't help it. It probably made me look very predatory-dyke-about-to-score-a-toaster. Whatever, it was enough to make her back away from me fast.

When I thought about it later that night, I wondered what it would be like not to be the only queer person in slash fandom.

***

By 1997, slash started appearing on the internet. Many fannish elders claimed it was the death knell of slash fandom, or dismissed it as 'just a phase'.

***

Anyway, I wrote all this for myself as a commemoration of sorts, but if you took the time to read it--thank you. Love you, fandom. I always will.

1 In those days, m/m fandom was known as 'slash', which grew from the fannish shorthand where 'K&S' meant a story of Kirk and Spock having adventures or tribulations or what have you, and 'K/S' meant a story of Kirk and Spock getting it on (Kirk divided by Spock or Spock into Kirk--it was mathy fannish humor and I was into it then and I still am now). Slash was decidedly unpopular in the fannish world in 1984, and there was a concerted effort to force slash authors, artists, and fans out of 'mainstream' fannish public life. Hence, under the table.

[mustainegf]

reader walking in on kirk touching himself to her and you write the rest pookie

Kirk pls call me the kids miss you 🙏🏼

𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐄𝐅 ¹⁹⁸⁸

I had been looking for my favorite pair of panties for a few days. They were this soft lace, a deep burgundy shade if it, and I just adored the way they made me feel. I was going a little crazy since I had no idea where I'd misplaced them.

I was at kirk's house today, just chillin' out like normal for me lately. I'd known him for several years, but we became fast friends a long time ago.

Walking down the hall, I heard a string of strange noises coming from his room, curiosity tends to get me, as I guess we were close, and there wasn't much that could surprise me about Kirk, but these noises are different. In a way, so intimate, longingly in need of something. I crept closer to his slightly cracked door and peeked in, feeling my heart start to hammer.

There he lay, shirtless and squirming in bed, a slight glistening on his body from the heat. His curls fell messily over his shoulders. My eyes widened at the sight in front of me.

He was whimpering softly, his hand clamped around his hard cock, jerking it off like it was life or death. But it was what he held in his other hand that really caught my attention, my missing panties.

That sent a shot of arousal right into my veins. Here he was, jerking off with them. His eyes closed, and he moaned my name. "Ah, oh, please..." he muttered and pleaded, in some attempt at begging. I felt my cheeks go white hot.

Knowing that I should have just turned and given him his privacy, I wasn't able to wrench myself away. I watched, completely mesmerized, as he grew more frantic. His hips bucked, chest heaving. I ached with throbs between my legs as I watched him, just thinking about what he might feel like inside of me, rather than clutched tightly in his hand.

Eventually, he stiffened, thrashing as he begged. His hand gripped his cock even tighter, and suddenly, what felt like thick ropes of cum spilled all over my panties. He moaned my name again.

I took a deep deep breath, pushed the door open, and walked in with a smirk on my face. Kirk's eyes snapped open, and his face turned deep scarlet, his cock still in hand. "I-I didn't know you were! ...I can explain," he stammered, looking utterly mortified.

I walked up to the bed, his eyes meeting mine. "Shush," I said, putting my finger to his lips to make him stop babbling. I looked down at the sticky mess in my panties and then back up at him, smiling. "I watched you jerk off," I told him in my low teasing voice. "And it was so fucking hot.

His eyes widened at my bold admission. "You... you what?" he breathed, doe eyes fixated on me.

I nodded and bit my lower lip. "Yeah... And, you know, you could have just told me. I would've gladly slept with you, Kirk."

He looked at me with those eyes, dark and innocent, but not as innocent with my dripping panties in his hand. "I didn't know how to… I had no idea... I..." he stammered, voice shaking.

So I pushed my face closer, and my lips almost brushed his. "Well, there you go, now you do," I whispered.

I reached out and took the panties from his hand again. Holding them up to him with a naughty grin, I whispered, "But you'll have to get me a new pair." as I winked back at him.

He chuckled, and an almost inaudible sigh released from his shoulders as he nodded to me. "Deal," he giggled, smiling now.

[distorted59]

First of all, I love your works soooo much! And I love you too

Please I really want Kirk Headcanons. He’s the love of my life! I want to cuddle him and also something smut things too

thank you lovely!! I'm sorry for taking so long, i hope you enjoy!! <3

He’s really shy!! When you first met him, he was very nervous. Blushing and stumbling over his words. (You thought it was absolutely adorable of course!!!) When he first shook your hand, he felt electricity running through his body. After a while he fell right into your trap, he was hooked. Begging for more every day. 

He gets flustered a lot when he’s around you. He would mess up riffs during rehearsals or stumble over his words. One time he didn’t sleep very well, because he was overthinking all night. (May or may not have been horny all night) and he’d show up tired and sexually frustrated. You’d welcome him with open arms and took a nap together, when he woke up (hard) he got nervous. Your smell and arms around him drove him crazy. You noticed him stiffening once he woke up and quickly figured out what was happening. You’d start kissing his neck and rubbing him over his jeans. “Let me take care of you, baby.”

loves to eat pussy. Like he devours it. All of the boys would be into it but he’s addicted to it. Very good at it as well. He’d pull you to the edge of the bed so he could grind himself against the mattress while eating you out.

“Fuck, you taste so good, baby.” Kirk moans against your cunt. His hips are unrhythmic and desperately grinding against the bed. 

you moan and tug on his hair, keeping him in place right between your thighs. 

“Hmm!” you let out a squeal as he hits just the right spot. Kirk is humping against the bed like an animal. 

“gonna make me cum just like this, honey, fuck!” 

I feel like he gives the best hugs ever! Loves to cuddle and hold you close to him. 

80s Kirk is such a cutie, I just wanna hold him and kiss all his worries away. like, he’s such a geek with all his comics and action figures. Imagine going with him when he wants to buy new toys.

“Oh my god, babe!” Kirk whisper-yells at you and holds up a new issue of ‘Monster Magazine’. 

“Is that the new one, baby?” you smile at him, finding it overly adorable how excited he always gets.

"Yeah!" He looks at the back. “I’m gonna get this.” 

He smiles excitedly at you and kisses your cheek. You giggle and blush a bit, not expecting the kiss. 

“Can I read it after you’re done?” 

“Of course, baby!” Kirk grabs your hand. “We’ll read it together!”

Talking ab horror…. he would be into monster roleplay…. HE WOULD DONT DENY IT. Like him dressing up as dracula and you are the girl who got lost….. like!!!????? and he finds you and traps you and bites you and fucks the absolute life out of you. Thank you for listening. 

Also, the fact that in all those videos where he makes a joke and no one laughs??? c'mon now… baby is just trying to have some fun :(

his stutter is so cute!!! he still gets nervous sometimes and can’t look you in the eye or form a sentence. but you don’t mind. <3

I have been thinking about this a lot lately; giving Kirk head for the first time. him all whiny and excited, not knowing what to expect. 

“I’ll be gentle, okay?” You look up at him through your lashes. 

“Mhm.” He has his fingers over his mouth, unable to even speak. You stroke him lazily and smile at him. He throws his head back and lets out a huge moan when you lick the tip. 

“Ooh~, baby!” He whines. “ngh.. fuck!” his chest moves up and down and he tries to hold your hair back for you. 

you lick him from the base up and put him in your mouth. You’d think he’s seeing stars, cause he lets out the most heavenly moans you’ve ever heard. 

“feels so good, baby~”

yes, just a silly little thought.

the older he gets the rougher he gets, i feel. I mean, the fame and money definitely upped his confidence. which isn’t a bad thing AT ALL.

One of my favorite eras of him is htsd, his hair is starting to gray a little bit, and his skin has that old deep tan. the mustache, the goatee. yes just yes. 

I feel like he’s such a tease!!??  imagine going out for dinner with some friends, or the rest of the band. and he’s touching you all over. 

“Does my baby wanna feel good?” he slides his hand over your thigh. He’s been touching your thighs an kissing your neck all fucking night. 

“Kirk, please.” you whimper. “Not here, why here?” 

“Why here?” he smirks against your neck and moves up to whisper in your ear. “Don’t pretend you’re not enjoying this as much as I do, princess.”

GIMME THAT I NEED IT NOW

He’s a really sweet boy, has a kind heart and actually looks too cute to be in a metal band. His voice is so sweet, his hands are very soft. (they become more and more calloused over the years). He would trace his fingers over your skin and whisper sweet things in your ears and place soft kisses on your neck. 

ALSO Kirk with eyeliner!???? just imagine you making him feel so good after a show or sum and he starts crying in pleasure and it just drips down his face!!???? His face is messy and his eyes are red with tears as he craves more and more of you.

actually need that rn

and going to the beach with him!! maybe he'll teach you how to surf or just chill with you enjoying some drinks in the shade and going for a casual swim. <3

[newstedz]

hello. can you please write some dom kirk fics, like really desperate steamy sex. PLS🙏

i can!! also first ask WOOOOO 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

sorry this took a little longer than expected because the first draft literally just got deleted and i got so mad i took a nap

this centers around load era kirk because he was speaking to me w/ this idk.. also its not suuuper heavy-handed on the dominance just b/c i wasn't sure if you wanted soft or hard dom, hope that's okay! (i love hyperspecific requests for that exact reason hint hint )

it was only a matter of time.

kirk had been gone for a little over two months. the two of you had survived much worse, but it seemed like the time apart only grew more excruciating with each passing day, only punctuated by the laughable amount of leisure time the band got before returning to the road. but as soon as he came through the door, you were instantly glued to him, and it seemed like he shared your enthusiasm. normally you'd laugh at the clumsy bumping of your noses or the prodding of his spiked labret against your bottom lip, but neither of you had that luxury. not now, at least.  saying you missed him would be an understatement at best. you needed him, deprived of his touch for months on end. and from the looks of it, he felt the same.

it wasn't long until hands began to wander, tugging off articles of clothing in a desperate haze. your shirt was the first to go, you pulled away briefly to giggle as he fumbled with your bra, but for once, kirk couldn't seem to find much humor in anything. but you still have just one concern.

"shouldn't we move this to the bedroom?"

you're met with an obviously disgruntled expression from kirk, but he obliges, relocating to the bedroom. it doesn't seem to affect him at all, judging by how he gets right back to stripping you down. you're met with sloppy yet purposeful kisses, teeth clashing as you moan into his mouth. he pulls you against him, but you can never seem to get close enough. normally he'd be much more patient, teasing and guiding you until you feel the foot of the bed pressing against the back of your legs.

"lie back, baby." he murmurs. he places more open mouthed kisses along your neck, trailing down to the soft skin of your breasts. his tongue peaks from his lips to gently flick it over your nipple, only to be met with soft gasp that tumbles from your lips. he continues to slide down, kissing down your stomach before  being met with your clothed heat. his dark brown eyes flick towards yours, glimmering with desire. he hooks his fingers into the waistband of your panties, tugging them off to reveal your slick folds glistening in the dim light of your bedroom. he didn't say anything, at least not with words. he wasn't any good at speaking, finding it hard to even take himself seriously when trying to talk dirty or assert himself, thoughts getting scrambled in the haze of lust. but his look said more than enough.

he was craving you for so long, and now he's going to get what he's been waiting for.

he glides the flat of his tongue along your slit, your hands finding their way into his short, dark curls, mesmerized by the way he fervently lapped at you. you lull your head back against the mattress, head growing hazy with each nudge or suck against your clit. cant help but moan and , only reminding him of the growing strain in his pants.

despite his own arousal, he persists. working you up again until he's finally satisfied with his work. he parts himself from your now oversensitive cunt, you almost don't realize when he breathlessly asks you "y'want more?"

was it even a question?

obviously, you agree, and kirk hastily undoes his belt. he sheds his pants, freeing himself from the confines of his boxers, revealing his gorgeous cock. you'd nearly forgotten how pretty he was, especially like this.

"so pretty for me. just relax." he murmurs against your ear as he slowly slips his cock into you, letting out a sweet moan. you whine, obviously overstimulated as kirk wastes no time speeding up, unable to restrain his hips to the leisurely pace he began with. he returns his lips to your neck, leaning forward and disrupting his kisses with bites, teeth sinking into the skin. he grins at the yelp it earns from you.

he's much more purposeful now, chasing his own finish, and he can feel that familiar tightening sensation grow with each thrust. you squeak when he brings his hand down to your clit to rub tight little circles, your reaction doing just enough to bring him over the edge, filling you with his seed and flopping on top of you. but between your shared fatigue, he manages to lift his head with a cheeky grin.

"did'ya miss me?"

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

No Nut November - Lars

Warnings: Smut, jealousy, dom!reader, if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy!

Intro

Lars knew exactly what you'd done with Kirk. Well, maybe not exactly, but he knew Kirk was out. He saw you under the blankets and pillows, that look on Kirk's face.

Lars was keeping an eye on the two of you the rest of the next day, how you kept smirking at him and the brunet would blush and look away, how Kirk always tried to keep a distance and you'd ignore him just to watch him get all flustered.

Lars wanted it.

He wanted to be the one you got close to, the one you smirked at, the one you made blush. He wanted to be the one on the receiving end of your attention.

Lars wanted it. He wanted you.

It was late and you were changing in your room when Lars barged in without knocking. "I know you slept with Kirk!" He stated angrily, face quickly turning a bright shade of red as he realized you didn't have a shirt or pants on, only panties as you'd just taken off your bra to go to bed.

You were a bit flustered yourself, not having expected someone to come in on you at all, never mind while you were changing. You took a second to think about where you stood and where Lars was, deciding to see where you could bring this.

"Oh, you know?" You asked, turning to him, top exposed, and making your way over to him slowly. "You know I got on my knees in front of him and sucked him off? You know we switched places after you went back to bed?" You were stood less than a foot away from him now.

Lars swallowed hard. "I- you just want to fuck all of us, don't you?" He accused, trying to be more dominant when all you wanted was to have him begging under you. "Groupie whore..." He muttered.

You rolled your eyes at him and crossed your arms over your chest. "You really think that of me?" He gave a firm nod, unable to tear his gaze away from your chest. He couldn't help it, your tits were just so close.

You caught his wandering eyes and smiled. You dipped your fingers into the waistband of his shorts and led him to your bed, no protests coming from him as you pushed him back against the headboard.

"I'm gonna ask you again, do you really think I'm just a groupie whore?" You asked, looking down at him with a knowing look. He hesitantly shook his head. "Words, baby girl."

"I'm not a girl." He bit.

"Answer the question." You ordered, rubbing a hand up his bare thigh, going under his shorts and gripping him through his boxers.

He gasped softly and shook his head again. "No, no, I don't, I don't think that." You smiled, happy with his answer.

"Good." You mused and helped him out of his shorts and boxers, trailing a finger up his length with a feather light touch. "Now, you came in on me rather abruptly, wouldn't you say?" He nodded, watching your hands every move on him. "So, I think I'll be rather quick, you don't seem like you'll last long anyway."

Lars went to deny it but was cut off by a moan.

You moved to straddle his lap, pushing your panties to the side and sinking down onto him. Lars stared up at you, eyes wide and mouth agape, breath stuck in his throat with his words.

You brought your hands up to cup his face, leaning closer to him. "You feel so fucking good." You mused, hot breath fanning over his face. "Just sit pretty for me, will ya?" He nodded and closed the gap, kissing you with such need.

He refused to let you pull away, arms wrapped around and holding you close as you started grinding against him, hips pulling back and snapping against his, his moans and whines funneled into your mouth.

"Mh~! Fuck, m'so close-!" He moaned, words muffled against your lips. "Gonna cum inside, gonna cum in-!" His words were caught in his throat again as hot cum hit your gummy walls.

"I knew you were pathetic but this was a lot." You let him ride out his high, waiting until he'd calmed down a bit before lifting yourself off of him. "Or, I guess it was a little, huh?" You teased, moving to sit on the edge of your bed.

He stared at you, chest rising and falling as his breathing tried to fix itself. "What-what are you doing?" He asked out of breath.

"Come sit." You said, patting a spot between your legs. "Taste yourself and try to actually get me off." Angry and horny, he couldn't say no to you.

[innxrvision]

So long - pt. 1 𒂭

part 1 of 3 ------------𖦹 tags: james hetfield x reader, fluff, smut, best friends to lovers, bet, 80s james, a little angst if you squint, more tags to come in future parts ♱ a/n: i have no idea of what i'm doing actually. i never wrote anything and english is not my first language so there'll be probably a lot of mistakes, but after reading too many fanfics I simply ran out of content and also the community has been a bit dead for awhile so here's my humble contribuition to the cause (the cause being thirsting over james hetfield). anyway, this was supposed to have only one part but i felt it got too long so i chopped in half, i'll post pt 2 as soon as i can! meanwhile, i would be very happy with any criticisms or suggestions. if you find any language mistakes please please correct me, i'll be very thankful! also, i have no idea of how to work this app out 'cause all i've been doing all my life is liking and reblogging stuff so bear with me please!!

𖦹 part 1 𖦹 part 2 𖦹 part 3

You knew you fucked up by showing up late to their gig, but in your defense, it wasn't your fault that your boss choose this day of all days to get you stuck at work.

"Well, at least I showed up!" you thought to yourself, but the cold look James gave you when he finally spotted you at the crowd wasn't so forgiving.

After the last song, you rushed to the backstage, wanting to say hi to your friends. The place they were playing today was pretty small, but the crowd was buzzing with energy and the entire show was great.

Before even entering the door that led to the small and thrashed dressing room you could hear the excited voices of the four guys. First, it was Kirk who embraced you in a thrilled and sweaty hug, then Lars, and finally Cliff. You chatted briefly with them before finally going towards James, who was pretending to not notice you while fixing something in his guitar.

You could only see his back and the messy and wet blonde hair covering his lowered face. You knew he was mad, of course, he was your best friend for years and a look was all that it took for you to get how bad the situation was, but at the same time, you couldn't understand why be so mad if, in the end, you showed up anyway.

"Hey, don't be mad at me..." You said softly, touching his shoulder to make him recognize your presence.

In response, James just rolled his eyes and let out a sigh, leaning his guitar against the wall.

"You said you would be here on time!" He complained, his expression already revealing that there was nothing you could say to convince him, but your stubbornness wouldn't let it go, of course.

"It's not my fault! I got stuck at work... What did you want me to do? I tried my best, alright?" You wanted to sound a bit more gentle, but being tired after a long shift didn't help your nerves much. You sighed, already slightly annoyed.

James crossed his arms, his gaze falling hard on you as he spoke.

"You make it seem like you don't have time for your best friend."

"Don't be unfair, I always come to your gigs and always hang out with you!" You gestured frustrated. "Sorry that I've got stuck at work today, it's not like I wanted to be late!" It was hard being reasonable when both of you were tired and stressed and you did your best to not raise your voice too much, as it could worsen things even more.

You looked around the room, checking to see if the other boys were paying any attention to your little argument, but thankfully Lars had already left the room and Kirk and Cliff seemed too absorbed in discussing something that you assumed related to the show.

"Maybe if you got the balls to look for a better job instead of working at that cheap dinner you would've showed up on time today!"

Your mouth opened in shock as you heard James' harsh words, it was clear that he was already worked up and your expression instantly turned cold.

"Now you went too far." Your voice carried a mixture of sadness and anger that made James regret his words quicker than he thought he would. "Sorry that my job isn't good enough for you, rockstar, but I can't afford to go around playing music just like you do, I actually need the money." With that you turned your back, not interested in hearing anything from him anymore, and exited the room, not even bothering to say bye to Cliff and Kirk who now looked at each other in confusion. It didn't help that now you also felt embarrassed that they heard your stupid argument.

"Wait! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that!" You could hear James' voice saying from inside the room, his anger now turning to guilt as he realized the impact of his words.

You just kept walking until you reached out outside of the building and stopped by a wall, resting your back against the cold concrete and searching up your pockets for your pack of cigarettes and your lighter.

With the cold breeze of the night, it took a few tries for you to successfully light up your cigarette and when you took the first drag you heard some footsteps approaching. You refused to look toward the sound, just kept doing your own thing and looking down until you saw a pair of dirty white sneakers stop right next to you.

James took a deep breath, hesitating for a moment before finally speaking, his raspy voice gentle and sincere.

"I'm sorry about what I said inside, I didn't mean any of it, I was just angry 'cause I really wanted you to be there for me tonight... You're my best friend and I care about you."

"It doesn't seem like you care much." You scoffed in response.

"I know I messed up and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that to you." You heard him sigh and pause for a moment, probably searching for the right words. "You're not just any friend to me, you're my best friend." He added.

"Then why did you say that?" You asked crossing your arms, the cigarette still dangling between your fingers. "If I'm not good enough for your 'metal band lifestyle' then whatever, just don't go around saying I'm what I do with my life is not worthy." You sighed and took a drag before lowering your voice, your tone slightly more gentle now. "I work hard, y'know? Sorry that I was late once, at least I came!"

He took a deep breath once again and ran his hand through his hair, you took this opportunity to gaze at him for a moment. You knew your anger couldn't last much longer, it has always been like that.

"It's not about my lifestyle and it's not about your job, I was just being a jerk. I got too caught up in my anger and..." He trailed away. "C'mon... I'm really sorry."

You looked away and took another drag, you knew you wouldn't hold a grudge for that.

"Whatever." You muttered. "It was a good show." You added after a moment of silence, it was your peace offer.

Even without looking at him, you could sense his smile opening up, whenever he smiled the whole place would light up.

"Thanks." He said. "Can we just forget about everything that happened earlier and go grab a drink or something? I'll pay." He sounded hopeful again and you knew this was his way of making things right with you.

You nodded and flicked your cigarette off, stepping on it.

"Sure, let's go."

There was a faint smile on your lips and in response to that James smiled even bigger, he put his arm around your shoulder, guiding you towards a nearby bar.

"Great! Let's have some fun just you and me and make up for everything that happened tonight!"

"What about the equipment and the guys?" You ask, suddenly remembering their existence.

"Don't worry, Cliff's gonna get my stuff and bring it over to his place, I told 'em I would probably not come back." He answered, entirely back to the laid-back personality you were used to.

"Right." You hummed in response, just letting him guide you as he started chatting about today's crowd excitedly.

[river13245]

I was wondering if I could ask for Spock, Kirk, Pike and Uhura headcanons with a trans reader who gets annoyed with his body easily? Like, for me, whenever I don't wear a bra and feel the weight of my chest I get aggravated, if that makes sense?

Fighting for just a crumb of trans reader in the star trek fandom ngl 😔

Star Trek characters x Trans reader

Spock, Kirk, Pike, Uhura

(i didn't know if you meant this in a romantic or platonic way. So i did romantic. However if you want platonic i can totally do that too)

Spock

Spock himself gets aggravated with his own body. Maybe not in the same way but in the way his ears are and little things like that. Always wondering if he looks too human or too vulcan that day.

He wouldn't be very vocally helpful. If anything if he tries to verbally comfort you. It would come out very monotone and not help much.

So when he sees you uncomfortable and agitated he would come up to you. "What is wrong. You seem to be aggravated at something"

you would tell him and he would just nod and if you two are very close. He would use his vulcan telepathy. In this he would understand how you are feeling. Then he would show you exactly how he sees you and lets be honest. he shows you and you look absolutely handsome/pretty.

Spock may not be good at verbal communication. But damn was he good at comforting you in other ways.

Kirk

This man is very charming. He could charm anyone to get exactly what he wants. However when it comes to you he is also very caring.

He would be hard at work and when his eyes land on you. Seeing how you were pulling at your shirt more than usual. Your breathing unsteady he would instantly know that somethings wrong.

He might not know exactly whats wrong but he had a good guess. So he would tell someone to take over for him. That person usually being Spock. Then he would go over to you.

he would try to cheer you up by going over to you and flirting with you. but when he saw that you barely smiled he took you somewhere and the two of you talked.

He would compliment you and its not in the way most would think. Many people would call him a womanizer and someone that just flirts to flirt. But when he compliments you. His voice is so sincere and he would just tell you exactly how he saw you.

Then when you would start to feel better he would kiss your lips and then go back to work after making sure you were okay.

Pike

Pike is a relatively observant man. After running things for so long you kind of have to be. So it doesn't take him long to notice something is off with you.

Unlike most of the others he wouldn't be so obvious about it.

When he would see you pull at your shirt and that you were uncomfortable with how tight your shirt was. He would just pass by and hand you a hoodie of his.

He really only had like two hoodies that he wore so whenever he let you wear one. You always felt special.

If you needed to talk all you had to do was give him a certain look across the room and he would understand. Giving control to Spock for a bit before taking you to another room.

Pike would mostly be a listener. He would ask what's wrong and let you talk. Talk until you were completely finished and then he would hold you close. His arms would be around you. One of his hands on the back of your head and the other on your back

He would hold you and then bring your hand up to his lips and place a kiss against it. Then he would spend some extra time in making you some food. Making sure you ate something before the both of you went back to work.

Uhura

Uhura is both Smart and confident. She would instantly know whats wrong and as soon as she finishes up what she's doing she comes to your aid.

she would grab ahold of your hand to stop you from picking at your skin. Or pulling against your shirt. There would honestly not be much words said at first. Just her saying "come here" then you would be in her arms in seconds.

The both of you would stay like that. Her head against your shoulder with your face buried in your neck. Just holding each other for a moment.

but when the both of you would pull away she would take your face in both of her hands and kiss your cheeks before pulling away and saying sweet things. Complimenting you and even complimenting your brain. About how smart you are too. She really would be so amazing.

[thevampiricnihal]

Catherines and Bogs and Transitions and Death

“We ran from the top of the Heights to the park, without stopping—Catherine completely beaten in the race, because she was barefoot. You’ll have to seek for her shoes in the bog tomorrow.”

(Chapter 6) (italics mine)

“The place of Catherine’s interment, to the surprise of the villagers, was neither in the chapel under the carved monument of the Lintons, nor yet by the tombs of her own relations, outside. It was dug on a green slope in a corner of the kirk-yard, where the wall is so low that heath and bilberry-plants have climbed over it from the moor; and peat-mould almost buries it.”

(Chapter 16) (italics mine)

“‘Eh, dear! Mrs. Dean!’ she exclaimed. ‘Well! there is a talk about you at Gimmerton. I never thought but you were sunk in the Blackhorse marsh, and missy with you, till master told me you’d been found, and he’d lodged you here! What! and you must have got on an island, sure? And how long were you in the hole? Did master save you, Mrs. Dean? But you’re not so thin—you’ve not been so poorly, have you?’

‘Your master is a true scoundrel!’ I replied. ‘But he shall answer for it. He needn’t have raised that tale: it shall all be laid bare!’

‘What do you mean?’ asked Zillah. ‘It’s not his tale: they tell that in the village—about your being lost in the marsh; and I calls to Earnshaw, when I come in “Eh, they’s queer things, Mr. Hareton, happened since I went off. It’s a sad pity of that likely young lass, and cant Nelly Dean.” He stared. I thought he had not heard aught, so I told him the rumour. The master listened, and he just smiled to himself, and said, “If they have been in the marsh, they are out now, Zillah. Nelly Dean is lodged, at this minute, in your room. You can tell her to flit, when you go up; here is the key. The bog-water got into her head, and she would have run home quite flighty; but I fixed her till she came round to her senses. You can bid her go to the Grange at once, if she be able, and carry a message from me, that her young lady will follow in time to attend the squire’s funeral.”

(Chapter 28) (italics mine) (I will forever wonder whether Heathcliff spread the rumor himself at the village he merely took advantage here of an already existing one).

“He turned abruptly to the fire, and continued, with what, for lack of a better word, I must call a smile: ‘I’ll tell you what I did yesterday! I got the sexton, who was digging Linton’s grave, to remove the earth off her coffin lid, and I opened it. I thought, once, I would have stayed there: when I saw her face again—it is hers yet!—he had hard work to stir me; but he said it would change if the air blew on it, and so I struck one side of the coffin loose, and covered it up: not Linton’s side, damn him! I wish he’d been soldered in lead. And I bribed the sexton to pull it away when I’m laid there, and slide mine out too; I’ll have it made so: and then by the time Linton gets to us he’ll not know which is which!”

(Chapter 29) (italics mine)

From Janet Gezari’s The Annotated Wuthering Heights

“Her father-in-law went up, held the light to Linton’s face, looked at him, and touched him; afterwards he turned to her.

“Now—Catherine,” he said, “how do you feel?”

She was dumb.

“How do you feel, Catherine?” he repeated.

“He’s safe, and I’m free,” she answered: “I should feel well—but,” she continued, with a bitterness she couldn’t conceal, “you have left me so long to struggle against death alone, that I feel and see only death! I feel like death!”

‘And she looked like it, too!”

(Chapter 30) (italics mine)

For both Catherines, bogs seem to signify a transition from one house to the next and the death caused by this transition. Catherine Earnshaw is literally buried in a bog. It is apparent that Catherine Linton’s metaphorical death is a manufactured fake one by the fact that she was never really lost in the bog, it was just a rumor probably spread by Heathcliff.

Just some thoughts I had ahead of reading @vickythestrange ‘s short story about bogs.

[kirk-says-wah]

Okay, I can‘t stop thinking about this:

Kirk needing his car to be fixed, James being the Mechanic and Kirk‘s like🫠

Thank you for the ask! So sorry it took me so long 💕

𝐅𝐮𝐞𝐥

Pairing: James/Kirk

You can also read it here

Kirk’s an idiot.

He should’ve known his car wasn’t gonna cope in this heat, and after sitting in traffic on the highway for the past hour, his car has just packed up, and he can only just make it onto the hard shoulder before he’s having to ring up a pick up truck.

Which is pretty embarrassing. The guy doesn’t even really look at him, just tows his car in silence to the nearest garage, and Kirk just wants to crawl into a hole and die.

He gets out the truck, ready to be made fun of for letting his car get into such a bad shape, only when he finally gets to his car, he finds a mechanic looking at the bonnet.

A mechanic that’s pretty hot.

He’s got long blonde hair, smoothed back under a backwards cap, a hard jaw with soft blue eyes that make Kirk want to melt.

“When was the last time you put oil in it?” The man says, not bothering to look at him.

Kirk clears his throat bashfully, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“A while.”

The guy nods silently before standing to full height. He’s got to be like six foot, all beefy muscle with arms Kirk just wants to squeeze.

He feels his cheeks redden, and he tries to look a little nonchalant.

The man looks over him for a minute, amused, his furry lip turned up as he takes in Kirk’s flustered appearance.

“Well,” the man says, putting the bonnet down with greasy hands. “I can probably get this fixed up by tonight.”

“Already?” Kirk asks, taken aback, and the guy smiles, perfect teeth showing behind thin lips.

“Yeah there’s not much to do. It’s mostly just overheated.”

And yeah, Kirk feels stupid again. He nods, unsure of what to say, feeling completely awestruck in the guy’s presence.

“Uh, should I come back or-“

“You can do what you want,” the mechanic says, wiping his hand on a cloth that he’s pulled from his back pocket. “Or you can come have lunch with me.”

Kirk thinks he must be hearing things, and he blushes, clearing his throat on a startled cough.

“Sorry what?”

“You heard me,” the mechanic says, smirking, wiping at his face with his wrist.

Kirk can’t believe what he’s hearing, can’t believe this super hot beefy man wants to take him out. He feels all hot, breathing hard, and the guy just looks back, entertained by Kirk’s bewilderment.

“I-… okay,” Kirk finally answers, his shyness making him stammer.

The guy smiles. “I’m James, by the way.”

Kirk blushes, ducking his head slightly. No one’s just flat out asked him out before, and he can’t help but feel a little flattered.

“Kirk,” he says back, loving the smile James gives back, the way his face gleams, his golden hair framing his face beautifully.

[humankarkat]

what insights have you gained from watching All of star trek and how long did that take you?

It took me about a year and a half, but the steadiness in which I watched it varied wildly. It took me the same amount of time to watch 3 seasons of TOS as it did 7 seasons of TNG because I watched TOS during the semester and TNG after I graduated. It took me almost twice as long to watch ENT because I got so bogged down that I lost my motivation. YMMV but plan for around 16-20 months.

Insights I've gained:

You gotta have a palette cleanser prepared. No matter how much you love Star Trek you will get Star Trek burnout and you need to have something to combat that. Mine was X-Files for my first watch through. For my second we've taken detours through Letterkenny and Portlandia.

The last seasons of DS9 are very good still but they're less fun because that's getting into the Dominion war. They're not not fun, just heavier.

Voyager slaps wicked hot pussy. I always know that Voyager is good but then I watch it and it's better than that.

You GOTTA take a break between VOY and ENT. Voyager is so so so good and Enterprise is fine and going straight from one to the other will make ENT taste like dirt. Watch something else for a minute so you can actually appreciate ENT like it deserves.

Okay actually the later stuff in ENT with the Xindi is boring AF and I don't blame anyone who gives up during that. That's where I started giving up.

DISCO is good but you gotta give it time. Season one tries too hard and gets too edgy but season two apologizes and back petals so hard it flips around into wholesome. I would kill and die for Michael.

Skip Picard. However bad you expect it to be, it's worse. What the fuck.

No one has ever cast someone with enough cunt to properly play Spock since Leonard Nemoy. Like the guy who plays Spock in SNW is decent and a good actor but he doesn't have the swagger.

The biggest thing I've learned though is that modern shows are a bunch of cowards in all kinds of ways that become apparent when you watch a bunch of late 20th century media in a row and then cut back to the 2010/2020s. Also looking at the politics for the time vs the plots of the various shows there's a lot of really interesting things you can see. mostly I'm baffled that TOS got another season in the 1960s after Kirk gave a monologue about how communists deserve human rights or that ENT got another season in the early 2000s after the episode where there was a robed, desert dwelling terrorist who turned out to be the one Archer would have sided with if he got involved. Wild.

[mustainegf]

idk if uve done smth like this b4 but dave in like 84-85 and ur at a party and he's mad cause ur with kirk.. 😁 then he finally gets u two alone anddd it escalates!!! thank uuu

Young Dave is sooooo Mmm… dave at this age was pretty toxic so I tried to give that vibe

WARNINGS: Degradation, really possessive dave, dave is a little toxic, rough sex

❕ ALL SEX IS CONSENSUAL ❕

I navigated my way through the crowd, keeping an eye out for my friend Dave. He was off doing his own thing, mingling and drinking—and probably indulging in some sort of heavy drug, while I tried to find my own place in the chaos.

I eventually found myself in the corner of the room, leaning against the wall and nursing a drink.

I felt a bit out of place. That's when I noticed him, a tall, lean man with long, curly black hair and a calm presence.

Kirk Hammett. The newest addition to Metallica, and Dave’s replacement in the band.

I watched him for a moment, captivated by his soft eyes. He looked up and caught my eye, a small, welcoming smile spreading across his lips.

"Hey," he said, his voice smooth and friendly. "Enjoying the chaos?"

I nodded, feeling a bit shy but drawn to his easy demeanor. "Yeah, it's something," I replied, trying to make myself heard over the music.

He giggled softly, a sound that seemed to cut through the noise.

"It's always like this," he said. "But it's nice to take a break and talk sometimes. I'm Kirk, by the way."

"I know," I said with a smile.

We began talking, the conversation flowing like melting butter. Kirk was charming and quite easy to talk to. I found myself finally relaxing, enjoying his company and the temporary escape from the madness.

But then out of nowhere, Dave appeared. His expression was dark, eyes narrowed as he glared at me.

I barely had time to react before he grabbed my arm and tugged me away from Kirk.

"Dave, what-" I started to say, but he cut me off, his grip tightening painfully around my arm.

"We need to talk," he hissed, pulling me through the crowd with a force that made my heart race.

I glanced back at Kirk, who looked concerned, but there was nothing he could do. Dave was determined, and I knew better than to argue with him when he was like this.

He dragged me down a hallway and shoved me into an empty bedroom, slamming the door behind us and locking it. The sudden silence was uncomfortable, the party's noise now a distant hum.

I turned to face him, my heart thudding in my chest.

"Dave, what the hell?" I demanded, trying to keep my voice steady despite the fear growing in me.

He was fuming, his face red with anger. "What the fuck were you doing talking to Kirk?" he spat, his eyes blazing.

"Do you know who he is? He's my fucking replacement!"

I took a step back, the intensity of his anger catching me off guard.

"I was just talking to him, Dave," I said, my voice trembling. "He seemed nice, and we were just having a conversation."

"Just a conversation?" he sneered, taking a step closer. "Do you have any idea how that looks? You, talking to the guy who took my place? Do you think that’s acceptable?"

I swallowed hard, feeling the room closing in around me. "Dave, I didn't mean to upset you," I said softly, trying to calm him down. "I didn't think it would be a big deal."

He laughed, a harsh, bitter sound that sent a curb in my gut. "Not a big deal?" he repeated, shaking his head. "You need to learn who you belong to."

Before I could react, he grabbed me and shoved me onto the bed, his hands rough and demanding. I gasped, the force of his actions leaving me utterly shocked.

He loomed over me, his eyes dark with fury and something else, something possessive.

"You think you can just talk to any guy you want?" he growled, his hands gripping my wrists and pinning them above my head. "You need to remember who owns you."

I trembled beneath him, a jumble of fear and arousal flooding my senses. There was something so sexy about his dominance. Despite the fear, I could feel the heat building between my legs, my body responding eagerly.

"I'm sorry, Dave," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "I didn't mean to make you angry."

He smirked, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction. "You'll be sorry," he said, his voice low and dangerous. "I'm going to remind you exactly who you belong to."

He released my wrists, only to tear at my clothes, his hands rough and unyielding.

I whimpered, the sound escaping my lips as he stripped me bare, he did it with such ease, as if he’d imagined tearing my clothes off hundreds of times before.

"Look at you," he murmured, his voice thick with desire. "So fuckin’ sexy. All mine."

“Do you want this baby? I won’t do it if you don’t want me to,” he whispered, squeezing my thigh.

“Keep going, I want it Dave, I want it,” I begged.

He didn't give me a chance to say any more before his hands were ravaging me again, his grip harsh. And I liked it.

He grabbed my hips, flipping me over so that I was on my hands and knees, my body trembling. I could feel his breath hot against my skin.

I was a little nervous to have my pussy perched up and at his full display, but by the growl that seemed to tumble from his throat, he was enjoying it.

"You're going to take everything I give you," he growled, his hand coming down hard on my ass, the sting making me gasp. "You're going to beg for it."

"Please," I whimpered, my body aching for more. "Please, Dave, I need you.”

"Good girl," he said, his voice a low rumble. "You're going to take it all."

I heard the sound of his zipper, I couldn’t believe this was happening, Dave was really going to be inside of me. I could hardly believe it, or wait, I wanted it so bad.

He grabbed my hips, positioning himself at my entrance, the tip of his cock teasing me, making me moan.

"Tell me who you belong to," he demanded, his grip tightening on my ass.

"You," I gasped, my voice trembling. "I belong to you, Dave."

"That's right," he growled, thrusting into me with no warning, making me cry out. "You're mine."

He didn't hold back, his thrusts hard and fast, each one making me clench and squirm. I could feel the heaviness of his anger in every movement, the way he took me with such dominance.

It was overwhelming, intoxicating, and I could feel myself getting lost in the rough sex.

"You're going to take everything I give you," he said, his voice rough with desire. "You're going to beg for it."

"Please," I whined, my body trembling with need. "Please, Dave, I need more."

He laughed, a dark and wicked sound. "That's right," he said, his thrusts becoming even more forceful, somehow. "You're mine. Say it."

"I'm yours," I gasped, my voice raw and raspy. "I'm yours, Dave. Please, I need you."

"That's right," he sneered, his voice dripping with pure venom.

"And don't you ever forget it. I'm not some replacement like Kirk. I'm the real deal. He could never make you feel like this, could he?"

"No," I whimpered, my body trembling with the force of his hips. "Only you, Dave. Only you can make me feel like this."

"Exactly," he growled, his cock becoming even more demanding. "Kirk could never fuck you like this. He could never own you like I do."

I begged, the pleasure and humiliation combining in a way that left me hornier than ever.

"You belong to me," he said in a low growl. "No one else. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I whimpered. "Yes, I understand. I'm yours."

"Good girl," he murmured, his voice thick. "You're going to cum for me, aren't you?"

"Yes," I moaned, my body on the edge of release. "Please, Dave, I need to cum."

"Then cum for me," he commanded, his thrusts becoming uneven. "Cum for me, and remember who you belong to."

With a final, desperate moan, I came, my body shivering with my orgasm. It was probably the best feeling I’d ever had.

Dave didn't stop, his hips relentless, scooping out my pleasure until I was a trembling, boneless mess.

He followed mere seconds later, his grip tightening on my hips as he came with a low, guttural growl.

I felt my insides warm up, gushing full of his hot and sticky seed.

The room was filled with the sounds of our ragged breaths, the air foggy with the scent of sex and sweat.

We collapsed onto the bed, our bodies tangled together, both of us sated. Dave pulled me into his arms, his touch surprisingly gentle in the aftermath of our not so gentle encounter.

"You're mine," he murmured, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Always remember that."

"Mmhm," I whispered, my voice laced with exhaustion. "I'm yours, Dave. Always."

[sprite-writes]

Yours (and Ours)

Leonard “Bones” McCoy/Reader (Original Female Character)

Summary: McCoy hated surprises, and being interrupted. Though for the right person, he supposed he could make an exception.

Word Count: 2,214

A/N: Guys im so sorry this chapter took so long LOL sometimes writing is hard but worlds biggest shout out to my beta @lightninginmyeyes who I could not have finished this without <333 also masterlist is coming soon !! anyways enjoy <3 

Breaks were hard to come by in the medical field. Being a doctor was all gas, no breaks. Patients' demands were high, and staff demands were even higher. Most of those in Science Blue spent most of, if not their entire day, on their feet. 

Leonard McCoy, most of all.

Chief Medical Officer was no small feat. Most days he wasn't, just a doctor– he was a nurse, a therapist, a leader, and whatever the hell else was demanded of him. 

Without a doubt, breaks were hard to come by. 

So, on the rare occasion when the medbay breathed for a moment, and he could slip out for an indulgent walk and a much needed cup of coffee, he thanked god for the opportunity. With a loop around the mess hall and a replicated coffee, he felt like a new man. Far too soon, he was back in front of the medbay, strolling in, greeting Chapel with a nod and as much of a smile as he could muster. His head nurse returned the smile…a bit too cheerfully for the day they were having. Leonard elected not to think about it too much. God knows he had enough on his plate. He punched in the keycode to his office, ready to tackle this new bout of paperwork. 

The thing is, McCoy was used to his office being a particular way. He kept his lamp on the left side, his family photo on the right, with a box of tissues and a cup of pens. Everything had its place and was accounted for.

So the box of colored pencils and stack of paper laying atop his things was a fair shock to him. So was the woman sitting at his desk, in his chair, looking very much like she belonged there. 

He faltered for a moment as he took in the sight and gained his bearings. 

“Uh, Sunshine?” he said with bewilderment. He glanced at his watch to double-check that his coffee run hadn’t stretched to the end of his shift (which was impossible anyways) and confirmed she should have been on the bridge by now and certainly not sitting in his office, in his space, amongst his things. 

At the sound of his voice, the woman's head shot up, her focus broken from the papers laid in front of her. 

“Oh hi, Len! I was wondering when you’d be back,” she said casually, like it was routine for her to be there. With no explanation, she returned to the task of, well, whatever she was doing. 

Leonard stood, thoroughly perplexed. It was midday, and he knew for a fact an operations manager would not have nothing to do around this time. From her silence, it would seem that he would be getting no answers unless he asked for them. 

“Not that I’m not happy to see you Sunshine but, uh, aren’t you on shift right now? And how exactly did you get into my office?” he inquired with more patience than he would have offered anyone else. 

She lifted a red colored pencil from the paper and thoughtfully tapped it to her temple 

“Technically, yes, I am on shift, but I decided this is part of my job, and Kirk hurt my feelings earlier this week so he owes me a moment away.” He finally approached the desk and peeked at her handiwork. “And Chapel let me in, by the way – said you wouldn't mind.” 

Her movements slowed to a stop, and she looked up at the doctor with the biggest, prettiest eyes he’d ever seen.

“You don't mind, do you?” she asked. Usually, he would have, but he decided right then, that he did not actually mind at all. 

“I’m more curious as to what this,” he gestured to his now messy desk, “is all about?” 

She beckoned him to come closer, and he found himself sitting in the obligatory guest seat…at his own desk. Sunshine held up a glossy piece of paper, folded in half with blue and pink bubble font across the front reading, ‘Get well soon!’

He stared for a moment, his eyebrows drawing together.

“You’re…writing cards?” 

“Yeah!” she nodded. “For the engineers who got affected by that gas leak. That rash looked… not fun. Thought it might cheer them up, maybe.” 

He would never say it out loud, for fear of losing her friendship forever, but at times like this, Kirk may have had a point about her being a bit…kindergarten teacher. 

She laughed at his sort of scrunched-up expression. “Listen, I know what you’re thinking and you’re right! It's a little silly, but the engineers that were on that dock were all Ensigns! Like, fresh out of Starfleet! They probably miss their families, and now they have a nasty purple rash to worry about. I just thought they might like a card.” 

McCoy could say for certain that he had never met anyone quite like Lieutenant Sunshine - and realized he never would again. This was incredibly kind, and wholly unnecessary… and a very Sunshine thing to do. Though one important question still lingered. 

“And you’re doing this in my office because…?”

She shrugged. 

“Well I could do it in my quarters, but I figured you could use the company.” She paused. Before adding sheepishly, “And I wanted the company.”

McCoy coughed to cover up his surprise. Though, he wasn’t sure what else he was expecting. Sunshine was known for being candid with her feelings. Most of them anyway. His cheeks dusted pink. 

Sunshine, oblivious to her friend's blushing, tossed a colored pencil and a card his way.

 “You should sign this one, by the way. A little birdie told me you yelled at Ensign Barlowe while taking her vitals, and I’m sure she’d appreciate a card from you.” 

He internally damned Scotty, who was not only probably the ‘little birdie’ but also definitely put her up to this. 

He stared down at the card, forcing his head to stop running a mile a minute, and finally mustered a scoff. 

“I’m not signing an apology card because an Ensign couldn’t sit still on the Biobed.” 

Sunshine shook her head and giggled. God, what a sound, he thought. 

“It’s a get well soon card, not an apology card. And I’m not scolding you, Len. That day must have been stressful. I mean, fourteen engineers all turning purple? Crazy. I could never do your job.” 

He shook his head. He was pretty sure Sunshine could do anything she put her mind to. His mind wandered briefly to what it would be like, with her by his side, decked in Science Blue. His heart stuttered at the image. 

He wasn’t sure why, but he found himself scribbling ‘feel better’ onto the bottom of the paper, and tossing it back to her. The smile that bloomed on her face told him it was the right decision. 

He leaned back in the chair and watched her thoughtfully. The sound of her voice played on repeat like a record in his head. He found himself ruminating on every pretty syllable she spoke. 

“Kirk hurt your feelings?” he blurted, remembering how she got here. Sunshine paused, surprised by his suddenness. An unreadable look passed over her frowning face.

“He just said a dumb joke, it’s nothing to worry about. Promise.” Her smile returned, just as quickly as it left. Leonard tilted his head. He was expecting her to launch into a story of which he would hang on every word and that would give him fuel to berate Kirk with later. Just how badly did Kirk fuck up?

“I can practically hear you thinking, you know. You’re such a worrywart.” Her eyes playfully flicked from her cards to him. “Like I said, it’s fine.” 

“You sure? If you’re mad enough, I could schedule him for a measles vaccine. Maybe a booster shot too.” 

Her laugh echoed around his office and illuminated it like a fire. He smiled, finding hers to be contagious. 

“That’s gotta be malpractice, Len. Hard no from me.” She shook her head. 

“Malpractice? I’d be doing him a favor. That man avoids healthcare like it’s the plague.” 

Sunshine rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say, Doctor.” 

She looked like she belonged, he thought. Sitting in his office, in his chair. He allowed himself a brief moment of peace, as he sipped his coffee and watched her switch colored pencils. He was content to just watch her like this, without conversation or reason. Unfortunately, nothing can last forever. His eyes drifted toward the ticking clock. 

“You know I have to get back to work eventually, right?” Not that he wanted to leave, at all. In fact, if time allowed, and if he didn't know Chapel would be beating down his door soon, he would stay cooped up in his office with her for hours. 

She laughed. “Yeah, I know, CMO. I’m starting my rounds soon too. All I could squeeze from Kirk was 15 minutes down here.” 

Leonard blew a raspberry. 

“I wish I could get 15 minutes away.”

Her head quirked. 

“Don't you have some time? Chapel told me you weren't busy, or else I wouldn't have bothered you.” She paused and received the pointed look from her friend. “Okay, I probably still would have, but with more poise and apologeticness - but that's beside the point!” Sunshine began stacking up her cards and putting away her colored pencils. “Chapel specifically said you weren’t busy when she let me in!” 

The gears in Leonard’s head turned. He was very, very far from not being busy. The Medbay had been as bustling as ever this shift, and the only reason he left in the first place was by Chapel's suggestion, who swore she could handle things for a few minutes. 

Damn it, Chapel. 

“Len? Everything alright?” 

When his eyes pulled from the ground, Sunshine was right in front of him, with a questioning smile. Leonard felt blood rush to his face at their proximity. She smelled like… well, sunshine. And flowers. And just… good.

“Yeah, fine,” he said gruffly. 

“Walk me out?” 

“Of course.” 

He dared to place his hand on the small of her back as he led her out, and if he paid just a little more attention, he would have seen her cheeks redden at the contact. 

They exited in tandem, with Sunshine rambling about wishing rounds were any other day, and how the last thing she wanted to do was run around the ship checking up on complaints that ‘could easily be solved in an email.’ 

“Well,” she said as they reached the entrance. “Thanks for letting me hide in your office for a few.” 

He waved his hand. “Anytime,” he said with lighthearted sarcasm. 

She placed the cards on the reception desk and snorted, “You’ll regret saying that, McCoy.”

He replied, with all sincerity, “I doubt that.” 

They were both quiet for a moment, looking at one another, eyes glossing over with adoration. 

Sunshine had always admired the doctor's strength, and his drive to help others in all circumstances. 

Leonard would forever be in awe of her kindness and her unwavering spirit.

A cleared throat broke both of their gazes. Sunshine flinched, nearly dropping her papers. 

“Chapel! Hi! Thanks for letting me use Len’s office.” She laughed nervously, awkwardly dropping the stack of cards on the desk. “You’ll make sure the engineers get these?”

Chapel glanced between the two knowingly. Both of which now refused to make eye contact. Leonard was suddenly very interested in the linoleum floors and Sunshine in the plain white ceiling. 

“Of course, Lieutenant,” the head nurse said politely. Sunshine thanked her again before acknowledging Leonard. 

“Have a good shift, and, um, see you later!” she blurted before hightailing out of the medbay like it was suffocating her.

The Doctor watched her go with the sudden sinking feeling that he’d done something wrong. And as usual, when these feelings began to well within him, he took them out on whoever was closest, or, in this case, responsible. 

“Really, Chapel?” 

He leaned over the reception desk. 

The woman in question stared at her manicured nails without a care in the world. 

“Really, what, Doctor?” 

Leonard gritted his teeth impossibly hard and blew a long breath out of his nostrils. 

“You didn’t think to, oh I dunno, warn me before letting someone in my office in the middle of the work day?” 

He wasn’t angry at her, not really. He was more frustrated with the feelings that clawed up his chest whenever he heard Sunshine’s laugh or the constant feeling to reach out for her -

No, he wasn’t really mad at Chapel. 

But that wasn’t going to stop him from acting like he was. 

“It’s just Sunshine,” the woman shrugged. “Would you have preferred I turned her away?” She finally met Leonards's eyes with just as much ferocity as he was giving her. 

“No,” he gritted out, “but a warning would be preferable.” 

She rolled her eyes and returned to her work. 

“Just trying to move things along, Doctor.” 

He stomped away before his head nurse could add anything else. 

He returned to his office, palms sweating, and tried not to focus on the smell of her warm, floral perfume now hanging in the air.

[haywire-hetfield]

Can I please request number 7 and pairing - Jason and kirk please! Love these!

Sure thing! Hope you enjoy :)

Send me a number along with a pairing (or leave it to dealers choice) and I'll write you a snippet (500 words or less)

7) "Get down on your knees for me."

Kirk was pressed close into Jason’s personal space. There was no gap between them now, their chests pressed as closely as they could get to one another. Kirk’s fingers were wrapped in Jason’s curls, directing his head however he wanted him while they kissed. Jason’s hands were curled tightly around Kirk’s waist, acting as thought he was scared to touch Kirk anywhere else.

“Get down on your knees for me,” Kirk whispered as he pulled away from the kiss. Jason followed after the kiss, trying to make it last a bit longer. It took him a second to register the words before he nodded. He looked a bit uneasy, but he went down on his knees, albeit a bit awkwardly. 

“I’ve never done this before,” Jason told him, looking up at Kirk. Carefully, Kirk reached down and cupped Jason’s face. His thumb stroked over his cheek gently, smiling down at him. 

“It’s alright, sweetheart. You’re a fast learner,” Kirk reassured him and Jason nodded. It made Kirk’s chest tighten, Jason was so sweet and so trusting. He smiled brighter at Jason, giving his face a gentle squeeze before letting him go. His hands found his own belt, undoing it slowly. Jason’s eyes followed his movements the entire time, face caught between nervousness and awe. 

“You’re long,” Jason murmured when Kirk’s jeans and boxers were pushed down his hips. He’d seen Kirk naked before, that was inevitable when traveling with a group of other guys. He’d never seen him hard and this close before, and he felt a bit embarrassed to openly look at him. 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to take all of it,” Kirk said and Jason nodded, although Kirk couldn’t tell if he actually was comforted by it or not. His hand slipped down to wrap around his own cock, stroking himself a few times while Jason watched. It was enough to make him fully hard and Jason took it as his cue to start. 

He let Kirk keep holding himself, licking at the head tentatively. The taste wasn’t as weird as he’d expected it to be, but it was definitely new. Kirk let out a quiet noise that only encouraged Jason to keep going, he wanted Kirk to enjoy this and it sounded like he was. 

“You’re doing such a good job,” Kirk praised him and Jason would do anything to hear more of that. Kirk’s fingers stroked over Jason’s curls gently, not pushing him to go further until he was ready. 

Jason gingerly took the head into his mouth, deciding to bite the proverbial bullet. It wasn’t nearly as difficult or nerve-wracking as he had anticipated it would be. It helped that Kirk was responsive above him, tightening his fingers in his hair and moaning every time Jason sucked just right or hit a particularly sensitive spot. Jason’s eyes had slipped closed, focusing on what he was doing as he bobbed his head. He decided this wasn’t so bad, not when it was with Kirk anyway.

[veryace-ficrecs]

Mckirk Fic Recs

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

Preconceived Notions of Propriety, Or, Bones Tells Jim Where He Can Shove It by PassionObsessed - Rated E

"Jim had always been a touchy feely guy, hanging off of everyone who would let him do so, which meant Bones had had a Jim-limpet attached since practically the first day. Apparently no one had ever noticed that those touches had gotten progressively more intimate and bold over the last few months as well as a corresponding decline in touching when it came to other people. Bones sneered a bit, making a passing cadet flinch back and scurry away. Oh no, it wasn’t until Jim had unthinkingly leaned down to kiss him goodbye before he left the mess for class that anyone had finally bought a clue. And of course he hadn’t even thought about it, just lifted his mouth to reciprocate the chaste kiss before going back to focusing on his padd. It took him several minutes to even notice the absolute silence in the mess hall and look up- to find himself the focus of five hundred dumbfounded cadets and professors." News gets out about Jim and Bones' relationship. Cue people warning the other person off. Bones is Not Pleased.

the inherent dangers of coffee dates by MourningElegance - Rated T

Oh fuck, Jim thinks to himself, eyes widening with sudden realization. He eyes the coffee cup in his hand, noticing the telltale hives beginning to peek out from his shirt sleeves. Fucking allergies- - - Of course James Kirk would go into full blown anaphylaxis in a crowded Starbucks. Lucky for him, the cute stranger he just met seems to know an awful lot about medical emergencies...

If You're So Damn Sure, Won't You Show It by ExcavatingLizard - Rated T

“So.” Pike, on the other hand, sounded distinctly smug. “Would either of you like to explain to me why you’re both suddenly in the system as married?”

“Uh, married… to who, sir?”

“To each other, Cadet.”

Or, Five times Jim and Bones weren't in a relationship, and one time they finally were.

pack up the life that's left by haveloved - Rated T

"Win doesn't know I'm doing this, and… hell, if she ever finds it she'll think it's morbid and I'll just delete it, but…" George frowns and looks off into the distance. "Maybe I'll delete it myself. But I can't--shake the feeling. … Just a feeling." "Darlin'--" he starts, a whisper, and Jim shakes his head furiously. "I wanna see, Bones," he whispers determinedly, but he's gripping Leonard's hand hard enough to bruise.

New Beginnings by Heavenly_Bodies - Rated T

Leave is coming to an end, but it’s just the beginning for Jim and Bones.

Anywhere With You by offensiveagentpie - Rated E

The idea came to him, as most of his more brilliant ideas do, while he was doing some tune ups on his bike. Bright late summer sunlight streamed off of the hood of the Corvette parked in the drive way and something just clicked for Jim Kirk.

We were all wrong by GalaxyPixel - Rated G

The students in the English class of James Kirk are trying to find out who he's going to marry. It definitely can't be the other English teacher, McCoy, who doesn't seem to like Kirk at all, right??

The Unbirthday Gift by gadgetorious - Rated G

McCoy decides to show Jim how much his friendship means to him and takes him out for his birthday. Only it's not his birthday.

Renovation by unicorncoalition (canistakahari) - Rated E

Jim has a whammy put on him by an alien death ray and he suddenly craves domesticity. He's crazy with longing to shop at space!Ikea and get potted bamboo and he starts looking into adopting AND HE HATES HIMSELF AND CANNOT CONTROL THE SHIT. Luckily, McCoy is drunk all the time and plays house.

5 times someone found out about Jim Kirk and Leonard McCoy, and one time everybody did by noelia_g - Rated G

The night before the first day of their five-years mission they all meet for drinks in one of the less frequented bars on campus. It's not easy to fit an evening out into their respective schedules, but Gaila insists and Jim backs her up, even threatening to make this his first order as the Enterprise's captain.

All Of Your Heroes And Saints by acetamide - Rated M

Leonard McCoy has met so many people in his profession that there isn't a single superpower left that surprises him. Until he meets Jim Kirk.

Recreational Activities by laughter_now - Rated T

Just how this away mission turned into a camping trip, including a campfire and shared stories, Nyota had no idea. It might be that she's somewhat distracted by the sudden display of PDA between her Captain and his CMO…

normal's overrated anyway by soniclipstick (veriscence) - Rated T

At his thirtieth birthday party, Jim asks Bones to marry him. Bones tells him that normal people go on dates first.

[padfootagain]

The King and You (XVII)

Chapter XVII : The choice

Hi everyone!! Here we go with a new chapter for my Caspian series!! The end is close! Important choices are to be made in this chapter…

It’s quite angsty, but… you know me, it will be a happy ending, don’t worry 😊

Also, I’ve used something in this chapter that I’m stealing from the amazing K-Drama Crash Landing on You… if you haven’t seen it, you need to, cause it’s brilliant. The thing with the book is from the show (you’ll see what I mean when you read the chapter), I just loved this idea so much, it made me cry so much…

Also… sorry for the cliffhanger :D

I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think about it!

****

Pairing: Caspian x reader

Warning: angst, I’m sorry for making you sad, I’ll make it better, I promise!

Summary: Somehow, Caspian stumbles out of Narnia and into your world. He’s utterly lost and has no idea how to get out of this world filled with scary toasters, strange carriages and a woman who literally knocks him off of his feet. But does he really want to find a way back?

Word count: 3556

Caspian could barely believe it.

After weeks looking for a way back to his world, he had finally found it. The passage between your world and his. The path to Narnia.

It was exactly as Lucy had once told him, a long, long time ago.

He shook his head, trying to realize what it meant. He guessed that this had to be the wardrobe that Digory Kirke had made, the very wardrobe the Pevensies had used to go to Narnia for their first journey there. He smiled. He was walking in their footsteps…

He had no idea for how long he remained standing there, staring at the leaves softly moving under the breeze.

No matter for how long he stayed there, it was enough for you to wonder what he could possibly be doing. You decided to get up and check on him after a while. So, you put away your book, got out of bed, walked out of your bedroom… and frowned hard when you spotted the pile of his disregarded dirty clothes on the floor, right before Agatha’s and Roger’s bedroom.

“Caspian?”

You walked closer to the other bedroom, until you could see him standing there in his pyjamas, right before a large wardrobe, of which he had opened both doors…

“Caspian?”

He jumped as you called him again, finally turning to you. It was only when you took a couple of steps towards him that you noticed something very strange about this wardrobe… it seemed to be glowing from the inside. When you took a closer look, you recognized branches that seemed to come out of the back of the wardrobe…

You looked up at Caspian, not sure to understand. Or rather, not willing to understand…

“I’ve found it,” he breathed. “This… this is the way to Narnia.”

You stared at him with wide eyes.

“To… to Narnia?”

He nodded.

“Look… can’t you see the trees?”

But you nodded. You could see the trees alright. You simply couldn’t believe they were there. And the wardrobe was set against a wall… there was nothing behind it…

“We should call Agatha and Roger,” Caspian went on.

“Does… so that means that…”

Slowly, Caspian nodded.

“It’s time for me to leave.”

**************************

Agatha and Roger could barely believe their eyes as they stared at the branches. Agatha cried. A lot. It was bringing her closer to her family, to her mother. It took a while for Roger to finally calm her down.

Caspian offered her to go with him. She was a Pevensie, she would be treated like a queen. But she declined the generous offer.

“I have lived all my life in this world. My children are here, my grandchildren also. And thanks to you… Roger and I are closer again.”

She gave the gangster a tender smile, holding his hand in hers.

“No, my life is here. It will always be. My mother went to Narnia, but I was meant to remain in this world, not in yours.”

Caspian didn’t argue, and gave her a warm hug instead.

Agatha and Roger remained in the bedroom, making sure that the doors would stay open, while Caspian was getting ready to leave. It didn’t take him long to get ready though. When he came into your world, he was carrying nothing more than what he was wearing, a bag and his sword. He merely needed to get changed. When he came back from the bathroom, readjusting the hilt of his sword at his side, it was like seeing him for the first time all over again…

You closed the door of your bedroom behind him. You reckoned that you needed one last moment alone with him. Although… now that he was there, standing in his Narnian attire, looking like the King he was, with his brown coat and his leather boots and this sword at his side… you didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know what to tell him. He was already halfway gone by now. When you looked at him, you didn’t see your Caspian. You saw the King. You saw the Narnian, before you could see the man.

He read it in your eyes. The way you hesitated, the way you looked at him as if you almost didn’t recognize him. He saw it in your eyes, and it broke his heart.

He realized it too, that he was already halfway gone…

“The last time you saw me like this… you knocked me out with one of your hairdryers.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that, despite the tear that had already fallen down your cheek.

“Don’t tempt me, it’s in my suitcase,” you joked, making him laugh as well.

You nodded slowly, your jaw clenched trying to hold back your tears, and miserably failing.

“So… this is it. That’s the end.”

He nodded as well, giving you a sad smile.

“Yes. It’s time to say farewell.”

“I could come with you.”

But he shook his head, taking a step closer towards you to brush away the tears that ran down your cheeks.

“We both know that you have decided not to come. And that’s okay. It is the right thing for you to do. I am not worth it.”

You let out a sob, rushing into his arms, burying your face in his shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry… I can’t do it…”

“I know. I knew you would stay. I’ve advised you to stay. You are taking the right decision.”

“Why does it hurt so much then?”

“Sometimes… sometimes even the right thing to do is painful.”

You felt that he was crying as well. You felt his tears wetting your temple when he pressed his cheeks against your head.

“Please, don’t leave. You don’t have to leave,” you begged.

“I must. I must go.”

“I… I was still hoping that you were lying. That Narnia was never real… I hoped it wasn’t real…”

“I know you did. But it is real. And now, I need to go home. I must… I can’t abandon my people like this. I would not deserve your love if I acted so selfishly.”

“I want you to be selfish. I want you to drop everything and stay here with me. We could go back to New York. You could stay… you could stay…”

But he shook his head.

“I cannot stay. And you cannot leave. We were meant to meet though. I think… I think that is the reason why Aslan wanted me to come here… so I could meet you. It was the most wonderful gift he could have given me…”

You tightened your hold on him when you felt him pulling away.

“Please… Caspian…”

“I must go now… Y/N, my love… my darling… look at me…”

He gently held your face in his hands, thumbs brushing away the tears on your cheeks again. You yielded, pulling away just enough to get lost in his dark eyes… these dark brown eyes, almost black, that you would never see again…

“Everything will be fine. I will go home. I will get on with my life, guide my people the best I can, try to be happy, and I will always hold onto this.”

He took your medallion in his hand.

“You will protect me, even from another world. And I’ll cherish every moment we have shared. And I will never forget you. Meanwhile, you will stay here, and get on with your life, find a wonderful man who will make you happy like I never would have, because he will understand all these references you make about books and television…”

You couldn’t refrain a chuckle at that, despite your tears.

“And you will love him. You will live, and be happy. You will get over this. And with a bit of luck, you’ll keep only fond memories of me, and the pain will go away.”

“You didn’t say that it would go away for you,” you pointed out.

But Caspian didn’t have the strength to lie to you at this moment, so he didn’t answer. He merely pulled you into a tight embrace again.

“Farewell, my love. Please… be happy for me.”

“I will never forget about you, Caspian. I’ll always remember you. I love you.”

He tried to say it too. But he reckoned it would hurt more than to bite the words back.

You were disappointed when he didn’t say it. When he answered with tender words, and they meant the same thing… but they weren’t the real confession you hoped for.

And you knew you wouldn’t be able to leave with him. Not now that he had missed his chance to reassure you, to make sure that you knew how he felt. He had showed you a thousand times, he had showed you with every attention, every act of service and kindness, every kiss, every brush of your hands, he had showed you through the previous night…

But he didn’t say it out loud.

And you couldn’t leave everything behind if he couldn’t say how he felt out loud. Maybe it was stupid, maybe it was crazy, but nothing made sense in your head anymore. Everything was a mess, your whole reality was turned upside-down. And the only words that could have guided your heart, he didn’t say them out loud.

He missed his chance…

“I will never forget you either. You will always be with me.”

You pulled away just enough to crush your lips together, lips moving in perfect sync in desperation…

… and this kiss tasted of salty tears and goodbyes.

You took a few more minutes to hold onto each other in silence, before Caspian finally broke your embrace, and opened the door. He wiped his tears away with his sleeve, and walked into the second bedroom.

He bid farewell to his friends, and more tears were shed. But eventually, they let him go. You stared at him as he walked towards the wardrobe, slow, careful steps. The light had not disappeared, the branches were still there, more leaves had been pushed into the bedroom. He stood there, on the threshold, for a moment.

“I will close the doors behind you,” Agatha reassured him.

“Thank you. For everything.”

He turned one last time towards you. You were crying again.

“Thank you. Thank you… thank you…”

He opened his mouth one last time, almost speaking the three words he felt, the three words he wanted to let out…

But if he did, it would only hurt you more. Besides, he had left it behind. Perhaps one day, you would find it, his hidden message. It was easier than to speak the words now…

“Goodbye, my love.”

Before you could reply, he walked into the wardrobe, pushed away the branches and walked out of sight.

He disappeared.

He was there, and a second later, he was gone.

You stared at the empty space. At the branches swaying in a light that had turned from golden to red. Agatha walked across the room while you remained frozen. Slowly, she closed the doors. She waited a few seconds, then opened them again…

… and the trees were gone.

No light, no branches, no wind. Only a smooth wooden surface. Unbearably normal. Without any magic.

And Caspian was gone.

You walked towards the piece of furniture, you walked pass Agatha until you had climbed inside. Slowly, your hand rose on its own accord, until your fingertips brushed the smooth, cold wood. You pressed your palm against the surface. You pushed harder. Harder. Like it would end up disappearing under your touch if you pushed hard enough, if you wanted it hard enough…

But the surface remained. The wood stayed smooth, regular, normal.

As if it had all been but a dream.

You hit the surface a first time. And then a second, and a third. Meanwhile you were sobbing.

You didn’t even notice you were calling his name…

Roger and Agatha pulled you away after a minute, you were crying so hard you couldn’t breathe. It was too hard. Too painful… why did it feel like this? How could you survive through such a pain?

“Bring him back… please, bring him back…”

All your strengths had left your body, you collapsed on the wooden floor. Your words were a mere whisper by now.

You didn’t know where he had disappeared. Was he safe? Where was he? Where was he…?

You didn’t know that Caspian had reached the woods, right next to the lamppost. You didn’t know he had walked a few minutes, until he reached it. Until he could hold onto the metal of the lamppost, hold onto it as tightly as he could. You didn’t know that he collapsed there, that he fell to his knees and couldn’t find the strength to get up again before the night had since long fallen onto the worlds, yours and his.

You didn’t know he cried so much he wondered how he could still be alive. How could he breathe with so much pain?

And he kept on repeating the same words. Sometimes, he called your name, the sound distorted by his sobs. But mostly, he kept on repeating the same words, over and over again. The same three words…

Too late…

“I love you. I love you. I love you…”

*************************

You flew back to New York as quickly as you could. You fled, actually. You fled as fast as you could, fled the empty spot in this bed you had shared, fled his clothes neatly folded in your suitcase, fled the hole he had left everywhere. Everywhere you looked it felt like there was an empty space left. As if you left it on purpose. As if you scooted over every time, waiting for him to take his place next to you. But he was gone. It was too late. He would not come.

You could still feel his lips upon yours. His tender kisses. You could hear his laughter, and smell him on your clothes. You could picture his messy hair and his grin and his ragged breath that night, and the way his beard tickled your skin wherever he kissed you, everywhere… the way he whispered your name between shallow breaths…

You heaved a sigh, opening your eyes and focusing on the sight beyond the window of the plane. A sea of clouds. Like the one you had showed Caspian… he had been so amazed by it all…

It would pass. You kept on repeating that magic phrase to yourself as if it were the perfect solution. It would pass. The pain, the love you had for him, the hole he had left… it would pass.

Agatha offered you to stay with Roger and her that evening, after your plane landed, but you declined. You wanted to be alone. You wanted to freely cry all you wanted. So, you grabbed your suitcase, headed for a taxi, and went home.

You cried all night, ate nothing, didn’t sleep at all…

The next morning you decided that it was time to at least rest a little bit. You had collapsed on the floor, in the hallway, as soon as you had locked your door. You got up with the first rays of dawn, and dragged yourself into your sofa, covered yourself with a blanket, and cried some more.

You calmed down after a while, but couldn’t sleep. If the tears had stopped, the pain was still too vivid to let you rest. You stared blankly at nothing, your eyes travelling across your apartment without a purpose.

Until you spotted something strange on one of your shelves. Something… not unfamiliar but… bothering.

You stood up, your blanket falling at your feet. You walked to the shelf and realized what was amiss. Your books were not at their rightful place. Three of them were not where they should be. You reckoned that Caspian must have read them a little, and placed them back haphazardly. You were about to pull out the first book to put it back where it belonged when you noticed it. The way the first word of each title created a message.

And you realized then, that Caspian had not, in fact, randomly placed back your books on the shelf. On the contrary. He had placed them so their title would form a sentence. A message for you to find after he was gone. Because even before leaving for London, he knew he would leave. And he knew that you would stay. It was his last words to you, spoken from another world through these book covers.

They formed the words he couldn’t speak out loud. He wouldn’t have had the strength to let you go if he had.

Better write them down.

Your hand flew up to cover your mouth, your eyes filled with brand-new tears as you read the message over and over again.

I love you.

You ran your fingers along the covers, touching the words.

He loved you. You knew it, but then he had never said it and now…

You loved him so much.

And then it struck you.

What were you doing here?

You looked around at your apartment, your home, filled with objects you loved, filled with memories and you realized that… you didn’t want to be here. You thought about your friends, you thought about Cassie, about your ex and you realized that… you were ready to abandon it all. You were ready to leave it all behind to be with him.

By disappearing, Caspian had given you the final proof that he had not lied. That Narnia existed, that he was King there, that this other world was true. And now… now through this stupid trick of his, he was letting you know the last secret of his heart that you had felt, that you had guessed, but never heard. Until now…

What were you doing here?

You needed to leave… you should have left with him…

You took a couple of deep breaths, calming down. You needed to think.

You knew how to go to Narnia. You had found a way in this crazy wardrobe. You needed to go back, that was all. You needed to go to England…

Your suitcase was already packed, but you added your brushes, your paints, a few canvas, some books, including those Caspian had used to leave you his final message. You packed it all in your suitcase, not thinking about leaving for London, but about reaching Narnia.

You looked for your computer. You needed to buy tickets for the first plane towards London. Perhaps you could buy train tickets back to the cottage now too. Where was this laptop of yours? You could have sworn it was on your coffee table in the living room…

You went through the different rooms of your apartment, until you found it on your bed. You looked around, mind racing, thinking about things you should bring with you to Narnia. You realized that you had no dresses or clothes for the summer. But if you were to move there for good, you needed some… You grabbed the largest bag you owned and opened your wardrobe, ready to pack as many clothes as you could.

But you froze.

Your clothes were gone. Instead, there were branches of pine trees and oak bathed in the golden light of a sunrise.

*************************

Caspian reached the castle a few hours before dawn.

Everyone there had been worried, but he quickly found out that he had disappeared for barely a day. He was relieved, all was fine. Nothing had happened to his Kingdom… his life could go on as it should have before this adventure of his.

But not everything was back to normal, and Reepicheep needed a mere hour to notice that something was off with the King. But when he asked about it, Caspian remained silent.

He tried to, but couldn’t sleep. So, instead, he summoned the members of his council who had accompanied him so far away from Cair Paravel. He had an announcement to make.

“I know that many of you wonder where I was yesterday,” Caspian told the lords gathered before him. “I will not talk about it. All you need to know, is that I have taken my decision concerning the treaty.”

 A whisper crossed the room. About the treaty, but also about the King himself. He seemed exhausted. All could see the red in his eyes. He looked like he had been crying…

“I have taken a decision. I shall do what is best for Narnia. I will marry Lady Emilia.”

Exclamations of surprise echoed through the room. Several questions were asked, but Caspian was already on his feet, and all fell silent when he spoke again. His voice was firm, certain.

“You can warn her and her father. We will take two weeks to organize the wedding. In two weeks, I will marry her at Cair Paravel. You can all prepare for the journey home. After her father accepts our proposal and signs our agreements, we will go home.”

He walked out without answering any question, without giving more explanations. He walked out of the room and locked himself in the study.

He didn’t want the lords to see he was crying again, thinking about you…