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azucanela · 4 years

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HOLDING YOUR DRINK [GENDER NEUTRAL HEADCANNONS]

FT. AKAASHI KEIJI, IWAIZUMI HAJIME, SUGAWARA KOUSHI, TSUKISHIMA KEI

HAIKYUU!! MASTERLIST | 1K CELEBRATION MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: In which Y/N needs someone to hold their drink.

WORD COUNT: 1.9k

WARNINGS: mentions of alcohol, mild violence, based on the tik tok trend, one curse word, nothing explicitly mentioned but be weary of the implications of drug use and such [lmk if there are any others i should include]

A/N: this is tik tok’s fault but yeah kjashdkjash

AKAASHI KEIJI

HEADCANNONS

ah. sweet, sweet, pretty boy akaashi

always pretty, but sweet? haha... thats about to change.

this is probably bokuto’s fault, akaashi feels the need to supervise him though, especially after that one time he left him unattended at a party and he jumped off the roof into the pool and nearly drowned because he forgot he could swim

yeah.

akaashi isn’t one for pda aside from the basic stuff like hand holding and maybe the occasional kiss on the cheek and he knows you are perfectly independent and thats all good and dandy, but even when hes being social and talking to his friends he still has one eye on you and one eye on bokuto

when you finally make your way over to him, asking him to hold your drink while you use the restroom, he simply nods to you, takes your drink in one hand, and covers it with the other, nonchalantly.

to say that akaashi, your boyfriend, is shocked when a random person comes up to him claiming to be your boyfriend comes up to him and asking for your drink, would be an understatement

almost instantly he calls out, “bokuto.” his voice is loud and firm enough that bokuto is looking in his direction almost instantly, ceasing his dancing on top of a table. when akaashi waves him over, he gives him a look of confusion but ends up coming over to where akaashi and this stranger is

and he enters the conversation hearing the stranger say, “im their boyfriend and they asked me to get their drink now hand it over.”

bokuto, naturally, is confused goes to say, “wait i thought y/n was—”

“bokuto.” akaashi silences him with a look, extending the hand with your drink to bokuto, much to the chagrin of the stranger and only serving to further confuse bokuto, though he accepts the drink nonetheless.

akaashi wordlessly takes bokutos freehand and places it on top of the drink to cover the top, before turning to the guy, who had started complaining

and then punching him in the face

never in his life could bokuto recall a time in which he was scared of akaashi

until now

akaashi turns back around to bokuto, taking your drink from his hand and shielding it once more, as though he DIDN’T just resort to violence.

you’ll never know this happened until one day someone talks about how akaashi is the calmest and kindest person ever and bokuto is like HA REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU PUNCHED THAT GUY CLAIMING TO BE Y/N’S BOYFRIEND IN THE FACE?

gosh darn bokuto that was supposed to be a SECRET you SNITCH

IWAIZUMI HAJIME

HEADCANNONS

HASDHJGAD

THESE PPL GOTTA BE DUMB TO EVEN TRY LMAO

oikawa probably dragged iwaizumi to another party or something and iwa-chan over here was like bruh there is no way in hell that i am the only person that is going to be sober while dealing with a DRUNK oikawa, thats too much to handle alone

so if oikawa doesn’t make you go, then iwaizumi will, for his sanity please agree to go. he’d never force you but PLEASE, he can’t do this alone.

honestly iwaizumi is the perfect person to hold your drink ngl, he’s definitely sober at whatever party he does to, not the type to drink your drink on accident or on purpose, our boy iwa is perfect per usual

you probably tell him you gotta use the bathroom and ask him to hold you’re drink and he’s like, “yeah, of course. take your time, i got it.” and then you leave, he is now standing alone, leaning against a wall. he’s holding your drink, with his palm covering the top while scrolling through his phone with his freehand AND watching oikawa to ensure he doesn’t accidentally decapitate himself because iwa MULTITASKS

a few people probably try to hit on him and he’s like no <3 im in a committed relationship have a nice day <3

and then some random guy approaches

now iwaizumi is a very intimidating person so im shocked this person had the BALLS to even try but they start spewing nonsense about how you told them to come retrieve you drink from him

at some point the guy probably implies that you’ll be going home with him and thats when iwaizumi sees oikawa passing by, releasing a laugh before calling out for Oikawa, “hey! shittykawa come here!”

oikawa is pouting but he comes over and sees the guy and is like, “oh whos this iwa chan?

and iwaizumi is laughing again as he gestures to the guy and goes, “apparently the guy whos taking y/n home.”

and then he goes, “do me a favor and hold this oikawa.” and oikawa is handed your drink, something that raises questions in him because why iwa chan?

he doesn’t have time to ask of course, because iwaizumi has already rammed his fist into the stranger’s face, effectively knocking him into the floor. ah the power of the ace of aoba johsai :)

he definitely would’ve kept going, threatening the guy as he wrecked his face until the message got through his thick skull, had you not arrived and witnessed the mans bloody nose, stopping iwaizumi from continuing

“he’s not worth it.”

“no, he’s not. but you are.”

i am in love with iwaizumi lol

anywho

you’re drink is very safe with the one and only iwaizumi hajime.

SUGAWARA KOUSHI

HEADCANNONS

IM CANT BREATHE THIS MANS

y’all are visiting home since you’ve been off at uni for quite some time now, the gang is back together, daichi, asahi, kiyoko and a few others y’all met through volleyball in high school

you and suga have probably been in a relationship since you left high school, because it took y’all three years to figure yourselves out. its basically just reminding each other to ya know... take care of yourself mentally and physically

and of course, now that you’re all of age, you go to a club, maybe a college party that a friend of a friend is having

regardless, suga is always going to have an eye on you, he’s gonna know your exact location at all times. though he isn’t going to follow you around or anything, everyone once in a while he’ll drop by, hand on the small of your back while you talk to some old friends—or new ones idk maybe you’re an extrovert. he’s checking on you though! he asks if you’ve eaten, have you been drinking water, is there anything you need, are you feeing okay?

then he’ll press a kiss to your cheek and leave to go hang out with daichi and suga, they’re all just sitting on the couch, maybe with some new friends too, maybe with old ones from his karasuno days

you come over, all like, “babe would you mind holding my drink while i go to the bathroom?”

he’s like yes ofc ofc, and he takes your drink, probably sits with his elbow resting on his knee, holding the drink between his legs with his other hand over the top of the drink. he’s pretty subtle about it, you wouldn’t notice as he just nonchalantly takes the drink from you and carries on the conversation that there’s a small furrow in his brow because why is the world like this, you shouldn’t need someone to hold your drink

everyone would honestly forget the drink isn’t his

now if someone happened to come over claiming to be your friend or maybe even a potential hook up— something sugawara would laugh at as your boyfriend, probably pretending to be intrigued by the idea before revealing who he is — well let me just say...

a lot of people forget that out lovely mom friend and resident king, sugawara koushi, is also so very very very chaotic person.

which is why i KNOW when you hand sugawara that drink, if anyone even TRIES to take it from him, to ask him for it claiming you sent them, he will bark. suga WILL bark, he learnt how to just for this situation. he will also hiss.

moral of the story: i trust sugawara koushi with my drink

TSUKISHIMA KEI

HEADCANNONS

rip to whoever thought TRYING was a good idea

anywho

tsukishima did not want to go to this party, you probably dragged him to said party, and he only went because its you that dragged him to the party.

he’s probably vibing alone in a corner or something, maybe engaging in conversation on occasion if someone he tolerates happens to be at the party, otherwise he’s stuck to you like glue, just following you around, arm over your shoulder, shameless pda as he wraps his arms around you and lays his head in the crook of your neck as you talk to your friends

then you’re like lmao babe free me i need to use the bathroom, also watch my drink, and he’s like okay FINE be that, and he takes your drink and watches as you make your way through the crowd of people

he’ll probably wait by the bathroom for your return because ew people he doesn’t want to have to socialize— especially not alone. and if anyone tries to socialize, hit on him, anything, he’s really just gonna straight up make it clear that he is not in the mood

it doesn’t really occur to him to cover the drink until some random person comes up to him

claiming to be a friend of yours and having come to collect your drink for you

there are several issues here, first of all, tsukishima was fairly sure he knew all your friends and he did not recognize this stranger at all, and he was pretty sure if he asked their name he wouldn’t recognize that either

secondly, tsukishima knows you would’ve come to get not only your drink but him because he made it very clear that if you abandon him at the party to fend for his own he would be rather unhappy

so when tsukishima questions the person some more and realizes his suspicions are correct, they are in fact; a liar. he laughs. he genuinely laughs because wow YOU THOUGHT you could fool him?

idiot.

he’s covering your drink with his palm— because he isn’t going to set it down? that’s just plain dumb, and tsukishima isn’t dumb. no, he’s covering it with his palm, and then using his free hand to grab this stranger by the neck and slam them into the wall he had just been leaning on because he needs to make it very clear that lmao this is NOT okay :D

this guys feet almost lift off the ground but tsukishima probably towers over the stranger because he’s a tall guy, and suddenly he’s threatening them, telling them that if they ever try something like that again they won’t be leaving the party.

“tsukki?”

hey look its you!

tsukishima offers the strange one final, warning of a smile, before patting their shoulder awkwardly and stepping away from them to turn to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder before nonchalantly just saying, “lets go. this is lame. oh— and here’s your drink.”

tags:

@therainroguefanfiction @beifongsss[girl idk if you even asked to be here but like now you are bc i forgot akjshdsajkdbs oops] @iwaizoom @shawkneecaps

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illfoandillfie · 4 years

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5 Simple Rules for a Successful Fake Relationship: One Small Hitch

READ PART 1

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

summery: You and Ben have your first official date and settle into your "relationship". But, with filming coming to a close, you'll need to be more committed to the act than before, especially when Ben's keeping secrets.

Warnings: Again, nothing much. Some language. Drinking. Nothing else I can think of.

Words: 8355

AN: Chapter 2 is finally here! Sorry for the delay but hopefully the next part will be up faster. I'm really really enjoying writing this series and I am so very excited about what's coming! The song mentioned is Reckless Serenade by Arctic Monkeys. Sidenote: Can anyone work out the theme of the chapter titles?

Taglist: @laedymoon @dtfrogertaylor @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @supersonicfreddie

“I’ve got something for you,” you half shouted at Ben when you saw him walking towards you from across the field you were filming in. You shuffled your shitty takeaway coffee into your other hand so you could reach into your bag, pulling out a piece of paper folded in half. He took it and pulled you into a hug, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Funny cause I have something for you too,” Ben said as he let you go, reaching into his backpack and handing you a magazine, “Oh, shit, it’s our rules. You want page 15 by the way.” “Figured you’d want a record of them. What exactly am I looking f-” you let the word hang as you found the right page. It was decorated with a photo of you and Ben kissing on his doorstep, his hand around your back, the shirt you’d borrowed riding up just enough that it was clear you didn’t have shorts on underneath as you clutched at him. There was some text beside it, mentions of your most notable roles and his, a brief description of the movie you were in the process of making, and some speculatory remarks with a couple of innuendos thrown in. The usual gossip mag fare. On the other side of the paragraph was another photo, both of you leaving set the previous Friday, hand in hand and smiling. “We look pretty good together,” you laughed, getting only a noncommittal grunt in return. He’d suddenly become very interested in the sheet you’d handed him, staring at it like he hadn’t been there when it was written. You reread the brief article, trying not to gawk at the photographs. It certainly looked believable. “I’ve had about four people wish us well this morning,” Ben suddenly said, seemingly pulling himself together, folding up the rules and shoving them into his back pocket, “and I’ve not been here long. It’s kinda weird having everyone know we’re together. Or think we’re together,” he quickly corrected himself. “Yeah, Mel kept asking me questions about it while she was doing my makeup this morning, so I hope she took my awkwardness as me wanting to keep things private and not me not knowing how to answer some of them.” Ben chuckled, “yeah, Gail gave me a bit of a grilling too. I just told her we’d been sort of seeing each other for a few weeks and had only just like made it official or whatever and she seemed to buy it.” “Good, I told Mel the same sort of thing. Hopefully that’s enough for them.” “I’m more concerned with what my friends are going to say. I don’t think any of them read Heat though so hopefully it doesn’t come up any time soon,” “Lucky. My friend Felicity has the dumb site bookmarked. Checks it religiously. Bloody miracle she hasn’t called yet.” “Better turn of your phone then,” “And come back to a full voicemail and about a hundred texts demanding to know why I’m ghosting her?” “Tell her you were filming. I do it all the time,” he was grinning at you and you couldn’t help but grin back as you pulled your phone out and shut it off, “atta girl,” he pulled you into his side and gave you an affectionate squeeze that you leaned into , fully aware of how many people were around you, potentially watching. It was a feeling that didn’t really let up. You knew, rationally, that everyone there was focused on their jobs, but you couldn’t help feeling like you were constantly being scrutinised, and not just for your acting. It didn’t help when Seth had to stop recording to fix a problem with the boom mic and, good-humouredly, said, “don’t worry lovebirds, we’ll have her running in a second.” Or that one of the ADs delivered your call sheets for the next day with a, “I always thought you’d be cute together.” And it certainly didn’t help when you turned your phone on at the end of the day to find a series of texts from Felicity each with more exclamation points and capital letters than the last, and a missed call from Mary. “Better call her back,” Ben said, following you towards the carpark. You rolled your eyes, already holding the phone up to your ear listening to it ring. “Y/N, I was just about to try you again,” “Sorry, Mary, I had my phone off while we were recording, what’s the matter?” “Are you free this weekend?” “Um yeah, I think so, why?” “We’d like for you and Ben to go on a date this weekend. Somewhere in London preferably but it’s up to you. You saw the article in Heat? It seems to be going well. The hits your names have got on google have increased and there have been a few tweets about it. Nothing huge, you’re not trending or anything but you’re still relatively unknown so we weren’t expecting that to happen, certainly not overnight. But we think if we get a date story out quickly it’ll really help get people interested.” You rubbed your temple as you tried to process everything she’d just said, “Okay, I’ll talk to him and we’ll organise something. I’ll text you the details once I have them.” “Okay, let me know as soon as you can though. And send Peter the info too.” “Will do. See ya Mary.” “Was that about me?” Ben asked, smiling as he leaned against your car. “You up for a date this weekend? Apparently the first story went well and they want a follow up ASAP.” “Sure, where are we going?” “I don’t know, somewhere around London would apparently be best, but we get to choose. Any thoughts?” He thought for a moment, “This isn’t our first date is it? Like, we’ve said we’ve been on others before, right?” “Yeah, why?” “Well normally for a first date I take girls out for dinner and then, depending on the girl and how the dinner went, either a quiet drink or like a romantic as fuck walk in the park or something.” “That’s pretty standard stuff, Ben,” “Yeah, but in the fiction of us as a couple, this isn’t our first date. This’d be, what?” “Fifth maybe?” “Fifth. So I’m still trying to impress you a bit, but it’s like, more relaxed. We’ve done the dinner date, we’ve done coffee and a movie, we’ve even done the Museum. Now we’re getting into the fun shit.” “Museums don’t count as fun shit?” you chuckled, not sure where his train of thought was taking you. “It’s a bit overdone is all.” “What do you have in mind then?” “There’s this place that runs art classes during the day, right? Life drawing or like painting for beginner's type stuff. But a couple of nights a week they run these art and wine nights. They’ll give you a canvas or a ceramic figure or something like that and some paints and you can have a few drinks and do something arty. I did it with some mates a while ago, had heaps of fun. Seemed like the sort of thing yo- a girl might like to do on a date.” “That definitely sound fun.” “Really? You’re into it?” “Yeah, for sure.” “Okay,” Ben pulled out his phone and began typing, “shall I book us in for the Saturday night ceramics session?” “Go ahead. What time was that, so I can let Mary and Peter know.” “Seven thirty. If we get a cab in a little earlier we can grab something to eat on our way.” “Cool, okay I’ll text them. Is it BYO?” “Yeah. They do sell some stuff but it’s a pretty small selection.” “Okay, well that’s something to look forward to. Anyway, I should be going since I have about a million texts to sort through, I’ll see you tomorrow.” “Wait, one thing,” Ben said before you could open your car door, “There’s a few people coming off set now so I’m going to kiss you, okay?” “Thanks for the heads up,” “No worries,” he stepped closer, his hand rising to cup your cheek as he kissed you softly. He took longer to break away than you’d expected, letting the kiss deepen instead, but you didn’t mind too much. It was a good kiss. And if it hadn’t been for Ben and the movie, you would have been severely lacking them recently. Which explained the vague feeling of disappointment that hit you when he did step back.

On your way home your phone beeped with another text from Felicity but you ignored it until you were inside and changed into the comfiest clothes you could find, flopping down on your bed to scroll through what she’d written. They varied from, “omg why didn’t you tell me about this Ben guy?” to “Y/N!!! Answer my texts!!!” all the way up to, “BITCH!!! CALL ME!!!!” She picked up on the first ring. “Where the fuck have you been all day?” “Some of us don’t have office jobs we hate,” you laughed, “I actually had to work, funnily enough, and because we were on location I had to keep my phone off while we recorded.” “Well I’ve been going crazy over here. Imagine my shock when I boot up my computer and open Heat and see your fucking arse being grabbed by your co-star.” “He was not grabbing my arse.” “Close enough. You didn’t tell me how fucking gorgeous he is.” “No, well, I don’t usually think about the people I work with like that, do I?” “Which is why I was so surprised to see you’ve shacked up with one of them.” “It’s not quite that serious.” “One night stands aren’t your usual thing. Definitely not with guys you work with anyway.” “I never said it was a one night stand, just that it wasn’t super serious!” “How many times then?” “We’ve been on like four dates.” “You fuckhead! You mean to tell me you’re actually dating this guy, who by the way looks like he could be a fucking underwear model, and you didn’t think to tell me? No so much as a I got dicked down by a total babe aren’t you jealous message?” “I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it if it wasn’t going to go anywhere.” “But still, I’m your best friend, I tell you about every shag I have.” “In graphic detail,” “Exactly.” “Look it’s just a bit weird still. Neither of us have really hooked up with a co-star before and we didn’t want to say anything until we worked out what was happening.” “I guess that makes sense,” you could tell she didn’t mean it, “But, now that it’s out you owe me. I want to hear all about it.” “There’s not much to tell. We became quite good friends during all the pre-production stuff when we were rehearsing and all that. Our director wanted to make sure we clicked and had the right chemistry and stuff, since it’s a romcom and our characters get engaged in the first scene, so we hung out a lot. And then just before filming started he asked me out. Took me to this nice Chinese restaurant. It was fun so we agreed to go out again and it’s sort of just kept going.” “Those photos, was that the first time you’d stayed over at his?” “Second. First time was a couple of weeks ago. The night that led to the photos was just a few drinks after work with some of the others and we ended up ducking out a bit early and wound up at his.” “And?” “And what?” You had a hard time not laughing when you heard her groan. Her eagerness to know every sordid detail made her easy to fuck with, and that made the whole business of being secretive a lot more fun. “And, how was he?” “I mean…y’know,” “Y/N, I swear to god,” “He was good, okay? Really good,” you remembered what Ben had told you to say, trying not to laugh too much while you repeated it, “like, three orgasms good.” “Shit, really?” “Uhuh. And then another in the morning.” Felicity replied with a long whistle, “shit, girl, hold onto that one then. That’s definitely worth any trouble working together could cause." “Believe me, I know. We’re going out again this weekend.” It was surprisingly easy to lie about dating Ben. Though, of course, you weren’t technically lying since you would be going on a date. “Shit man, date five. That’s serious shit. You better tell me everything, in graphic detail.”

When you told Ben about the conversation the next day, admitting you’d spent ages praising his sexual prowess, he laughed and then thanked you, pulling you into a tight bear hug. You thought it was a slight overreaction considering he’d been the one to tell you what to say but his happiness was infectious, and you found yourself smiling more than normal as you hung out between scenes. An attitude which could only help your performance, making people more ready to believe you were a couple. His easy laughter and bright smiles continued until the afternoon when you were telling him more about Felicity and what you’d talked about. “She thinks you’re a keeper and kept telling me not to let you go.” “Your friend knows what she’s talking about.” “Lucky for you I can’t let you go since it’s all written up in a contract,” Ben laughed but when you glanced at him his smile seemed to falter. “You okay?” “Brilliant. Just had a bit of a late night and it’s catching up on me. Think I might try to have a quick nap before we’re needed again.” “I was thinking of grabbing another coffee if you want one?” “Thanks Y/N but I think the nap will do me more good.” “Probably better people don’t see us heading off to a trailer together anyway or they’ll suspect we’re getting up to mischief.” “Very true. I’ll see you a bit later.” “Sleep well!” Ben turned to leave, his smile seeming more forced than earlier. You would have worried except he seemed to be back to normal when he was called for your next scene. And it continued on through the week, his happiness only getting more pronounced the closer it got to the weekend.

You couldn’t quite match his energy on Friday, anxiety over your date getting stronger the closer you got to it. Hanging out at his place had been easy, even if it did include leaving half dressed. All you’d had to do was kiss him which you’d done enough times during filming that it was no longer too odd. But a proper date was something else. It was going to be the first real test you faced, the first time you’d really have to sell yourselves to the public as more than co-stars and more than a hook-up. “Hey are you okay?” “Huh?” “Your jiggling your leg a lot which you only do when something’s worrying you, what is it?” “Oh,” you forced your leg to stop moving, “nothing,” “Is it about our date tonight?” “What if it’s bad? What if we don’t look like we’re actually together and Mary and Pete have to cancel the whole thing?” “I’d get a decent night sleep not thinking about us,” he muttered. “What?” “I’ve been worried about it too,” he said louder, “but I think we’ll be okay. It’s not like we’ll be starved for conversation and we’ll have the paint and the wine and we’ll be fine. Plus, weren’t you the one who said this would be easy?” “Yeah I was,” you said sheepishly, “but -” “No buts. It’ll be a piece of cake. We go and have a good time painting a couple of plates or bowls or whatever, and then hold hands while we head home. They’ll get whatever shots they get, and they’ll spin it so we look like a couple.” “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry,” “It’s okay,” he reached out to rub the back of your hand, smiling softly at you, “the nerves might actually help you look like you’re legit. And worst comes to worst we can always run lines. I’m honestly so much more nervous about shooting that scene tomorrow.” “The one where we’re playing matchmaker?” “Yes! Have you seen how many names are in there?” “Theres like six, Ben,” “Yeah but they’re all repeated, and I know I’m going to get the order wrong,” You giggled and shook your head, “You’re unbelievable,” “Oh whatever,” he pushed your shoulder almost making you overbalance, “Just cos you know the lines already.”

Ben’s efforts to calm you down worked and you got through the rest of the workday without a hitch. Though your stomach was once again tight with nerves in the hours before the date. You spent a solid half hour standing in front of your wardrobe, freshly washed hair slowly dripping down the back of the towel you had wrapped around you, trying to settle on what to wear. When you were finally dressed you checked and rechecked the contents of your purse, and, in a moment of panic, you grabbed the heavily highlighted and notated script pages with the matchmaker scene and shoved them in beside your lipstick and bank card. By the time Ben arrived in an Uber to pick you up, ushering you into the backseat with a kiss on the cheek and a complement about how lovely you looked, you felt like you were on the verge of throwing up. But, once again, Ben’s natural charm eased your mind. The way he talked to you and smiled constantly had your heart rate slowing and your stomach settling within minutes. Even the way he squeezed your hand when he helped you out of the car, and the way he laced his fingers with yours as he led you towards your destination were welcome comforts. “D’you wanna grab something to eat?” Ben asked, stopping on a corner and looking around, annoyed people passing by on both sides. “Uhh, s’pose so.” “Has anyone ever told you you’re indecisive?” “I swear I’m not normally.” “Oh? Do I make you nervous, snookum?” he asked, playfully. “No, you git,” you laughed back, though you found it hard to meet his eyes, “I just don’t know I’m that hungry.” “Well, keep in mind there’ll be wine drinking. Don’t want to do that on an empty stomach.” “Valid argument. What’s nearby?” After some wandering you ended up in a McDonalds, Ben wolfing down a burger while you picked at the fries, not quite certain you’d be able to keep your food down. It was when you were coming out of a bottle shop, Ben holding the wine you’d agreed on, that you spotted the photographer. It was the same one who’d been outside Ben’s house when you stayed over, camera aimed at the two of you. Quietly you nudged Ben. He just wrapped an arm around you, pulling you into his side as you walked. You struggled to not watch the photographer as he followed you towards the art studio, having to keep reminding yourself to pretend he wasn’t there. “Relax,” Ben said softly in your ear, “He’s not important.” You nodded, afraid if you said anything you’d lose the meagre dinner you’d had. Ben’s thumb rubbing over your own gave you something else to focus on, counting each soft, smooth stroke, until you reached the right place.

You weren’t the only couple there, far from it. Most of the claimed tables were taken by pairs sitting close together, hands clasped or laying on thighs as they talked. A few tables held larger groups, double dates maybe or perhaps just friends. You felt a few eyes on you as you found a table close to the clear glass of the shopfront, but they turned away again quickly, more interested in their own little bubbles than yours. You glanced outside to check if the photographer was still there but couldn’t see much more than the reflection of you and Ben. His knee bumped yours under the table as he leaned toward you, pressing a finger to your jaw to turn your head towards him. “Forget the photographer. Forget Mary and Peter. Forget our arrangement. We're just two friends having a fun night out, okay?” “Okay,” “Okay. So what are you thinking of painting then?” He unscrewed the bottle of wine and grabbed one of the glasses you’d been handed on arrival. “Well what are my options?” “Well there’s your classic teacup, mug or plate options. There’s a couple of different jewellery boxes, I think. And then there are the statues, ummm, fairy, dragon, alien. Maybe a princess one, I can’t remember.” “More than I thought there’d be. What were you thinking?” “I did a dragon last time I was here. But I think I’m going to do a mug this time. Need some extras if you’re gonna be staying over more often.” “Maybe we should both do mugs, then? Something we can use at each other’s places.” “Alright, deal. But we can’t look at what the other is painting until they’re done.” “That’s going to be so hard!” you laughed, feeling properly relaxed for the first time all night. “Yeah but it’ll be fun though. Wait here, I’ll go grab us the mugs.” You took the opportunity to look around the room, trying to think of what Ben might like on a mug. There was art everywhere – paintings hanging on walls, examples of what the classes could teach you, decorated ceramics lining windowsills and shelves. Judging by the wildly differing levels of talent displayed, you assumed at least some of them were left behind and never claimed. There were plates decorated with fruit trees and ocean scenes, jugs covered in splatters of different colours, aliens in shimmery blue and princesses with green hair and orange dresses. But nothing that sparked your imagination. The noise of the room was steadily growing as everyone got stuck into their creations. Ben sat down, took a drink and got to work mixing colours. “You know what you’re going to do then?” “I have an idea. But I will warn you I’m not a particularly good artist so it might not look anything like what it’s meant to.” You picked up your blank mug and put it down again, tapping the end of a paintbrush against the table as you tried to come up with an idea. What did Ben like? He liked coffee. And dogs. And his guitar. More than once he’d brought it to set, playing it in his downtime. He’d been embarrassed the first time you mentioned overhearing him as you passed by his trailer, but you’d assured him you’d liked listening to him. You’d had the song stuck in your head for a week afterwards. “Made up your mind, have you?” Ben asked, glancing up from his handiwork as you mixed a pale peach colour. “No peeking,” “I wasn’t peeking. If I’d been peeking, I would have done this,” Ben craned his neck, leaning over to where your mug was. You laughed and pulled the mug closer to you, pushing him away with your other hand. He caught it in his own, taking the paintbrush from you, “Oi, careful with that.” “Oops, sorry,” Ben laughed and kissed your palm before letting you have your hand back, “No harm done. But y’know if you splattered me I’d have no choice but to get payback.” There was no need to reach for the script you’d brought as you and Ben fell into conversation while you painted. He asked if you’d had any more awkward phone calls with your friends and told you about what had happened when his mates had found out. Nothing like the conversation you’d endured, though there’d been plenty of teasing. You had to admonish him for nearly getting paint on your work when he began using the largest brush he had to artistically spray drops of paint over his mug. And then he’d laughed when you paused, admitting out loud that you weren’t actually sure how to paint the thing you’d planned on painting. He’d promised not to peek while you whipped out your phone to look up a reference image, going to far as to cover his eyes just to make sure. Once you gave him the okay he went back to painting, switching to a thinner brush and shushing you so he could concentrate. It was ridiculous how cute he looked, tongue between his teeth, bent over the mug as he slowly outlined the design. You shook your head to clear the thought and went back to your own work.

“Okay, I’m done. You wanna see now?” “Yes, absolutely. Unless you think we should wait until after they’ve been glazed?” “Fuck that, we can’t pick them up for a couple of days, I wanna show you now.” “Alright, show me then,” you put down your brush, focusing all your attention onto the mug in Ben’s hands. The base coat was a light purple, with splatters of darker purple over top. Slowly he turned the mug to show you the design on the front. It bore a slightly wonky engagement ring, similar to the one his character gave yours in the movie. On either side of the ring, in thin, not quite straight lettering, was the words we’re really good at this dating thing. You smiled as soon as you read the quote from the script, “I love it, Ben” “Thought it was kind of fitting,” he chuckled, “plus it’ll be a nice little souvenir once the movie wraps.” “That was a fun scene to shoot. Best proposal I’ve ever had.” Ben smiled and carefully turned his mug back towards him, “Best proposal I’ve ever given,” He seemed to be about to say something but stopped himself, shaking his head. You lowered your voice, “Promise I’ll get to keep it after we break up?” “Promise,” Ben said, matching your level and leaning in close, “Until then maybe you can use it as a reminder whenever you feel anxious about this whole dating thing.” “Thanks, I will.” You were suddenly very aware of how softly you were speaking, how close you were sitting, leaning in to hear each other over the rest of the room, and for a split second you thought he was going to kiss you again. But then the moment passed, the noise of the room intruding as Ben leaned back in his seat, “So do I get to see mine?” “Uh, it’s not quite done,” you said, picking up your brush again, the moment gone, “give me another couple of minutes.” “Masterpieces take time, I get it,” “This is by no stretch a masterpiece,” “I’ll be the judge of that thanks very much,” Ben turned to look out over the room while you tried to finish your painting without smudging anything, occasionally making comments about other people there or the art that decorated the room. You took one last look at what you’d painted, the guitar with the words stun gun lullaby written in cursive beside it, “Alright, I’m done now, you can look. Careful, some of it’s still wet.” Ben gently took hold of the handle and turned the mug so the design faced him. He broke out into a grin and you felt relieved that he liked it. “It’s definitely a masterpiece. For someone who didn’t know how to draw a guitar you’ve done an incredible job. And how did you know that’s one of my favourite songs?” “Is it? It's just the song I overheard you playing that one time. I thought that line was a good one for a mug. Nice and short so I didn’t have to paint too much.” “This is definitely my new favourite mug.” “Oh stop it.” “And hey, they kind of match.” You laughed when he pointed out the similarities, “Guess they do. Y’know that’d make a pretty cute Instagram post.” “You going to tag me as my mug?” “Of course. You could post a photo and tag me in it too,” “I don’t know. I don’t really post much personal stuff online.” “Well at least comment on mine,” “I can do that.”

After you’d taken a decent photo and posted it online you cleaned up, handed your mugs over to the woman running the night’s activity and stepped back out into the night. There was no sign of the photographer anywhere and you supposed he’d got what he needed and then left. Still, Ben grabbed your hand as you walked back up the street, just in case you’d missed the photographer in the crowd. “Guess that means we don’t have to worry about going home together,” you said, nudging Ben. “Guess not,” his lips quirked down in a soft frown.” “What is it?” “Nothing, nothing, just...feels kind of weird to just end the date here, I guess,” he scratched the back of his head and laughed, “Normally I’d offer to give you a lift home. Or at least give you a good night kiss, but I guess that’s not really needed now.” “Well, it’s like you said, we’re just friends having a fun night out. We could share a ride home though, if you wanted. You live near enough to mine it wouldn’t matter.” “Nah, don’t worry about it. I actually might go grab something to eat, don’t think that burger was quite enough. See you on Monday?” “Oh, yeah, okay, see you Monday.” There was a pause, both of you hesitating and then Ben gave you a much too quick hug before he walked off, disappearing into the crowd. You sighed and hailed a passing cab, spending the whole ride home wondering what the hell had just happened. But you pushed it from your mind once you were home, going through your usual nightly routine and very deliberately thinking of anything other than Ben. It didn’t help much. You still dreamt about him. Dreamt about the goodnight kiss you’d missed out on.

When you woke you had to laugh at yourself. You were sure that, had you binged a few episodes of a tv show or read something before you’d gone to bed you would have dreamt about it instead. Brains were suggestable like that. When you felt awake enough you rolled over and grabbed your phone finding a text from Ben and one from Felicity and an email from Mary. You opened Mary’s first, skimming over it and vowing to look at it properly once you had a coffee in your system. Ben’s was much easier to understand, a short message to say he had fun last night and that he’d pick the mugs up on his way to work on Monday. Felicity’s was just a series of question marks. You sent back a short response saying the date had been a lot of fun. It wasn’t enough and she was bound to come back at you asking for more details, but it would have to satisfy her. Slowly you got out of bed and made yourself a coffee, setting your laptop up next to you at the kitchen counter so you could try to read Mary’s email again. There was some information about some scripts she was going to send you, a couple of potential future roles, but the majority of the email was about you and Ben. She’d already seen the photos, apparently, and some of them would be run in the coming week’s magazine while others were being put online. She’d also seen the Instagram post and commended you for thinking of it. Another date would have to be organised, but it was better to wait until the next weekend or even the one after, so as not to fatigue the public.

So you and Ben fell into the routine of it. An email from one or other of your agents sometimes as vague as just telling you to organise a date, sometimes much more specific in what they wanted you to be doing, then the date itself, and in between work where you played up the romance as much as possible. You got good at pretending to stay over at each other's places, often just hanging out watching TV or running lines until the photographer called it a night and you were free to leave. Once or twice you’d opted to sleep in your own bed but get up early and head over to Ben’s for the required morning after shots but that process got old very quickly so you ended up actually staying over more and more. There was one day when your period came unexpectedly while you were at Ben’s. You were halfway through asking him to take you home when he offered to run to the store for you instead. “No, no, you don’t have to go out of your way like that, I’ve got plenty at home I just didn’t think I’d need any today.” “Y/N, I promise, it’s no trouble. I feel bad I don’t have anything here for you already. Been a while since I’ve lived with a girl and it didn’t even cross my mind. Seriously, it’ll take me two minutes.” When you still weren’t convinced he continued, “Plus, if I go we won’t ruin Peter and Mary’s plan for today. And the Paps can get a shot of me staring at boxes of tampons like a good caring boyfriend. It’ll help our image.” “Oh alright, as long as you don’t mind.” He was out the door a second later and back within ten minutes, though you did get a call from him at the shop, asking what brand you preferred. Once he was home, he made you a cup of tea, gave you a painkiller and, after checking you didn’t mind, cuddled up with you on the couch, teasingly calling you his cuddle bunny as he pulled you back against his chest. You almost complained, almost cited Rule 5, but it wasn’t so bad. Some might even go so far as to call it cute. It was better than snookum at any rate.

The dates themselves got easier after the first. You knew what to expect now so it wasn’t as nerve wracking as before. And Ben was always fun to be around, your list of inside jokes steadily growing as he became the one person you spent the most time with. You let yourselves relax a bit. On your third date Ben’s arm stayed glued around your waist as you walked around the zoo, only losing contact when a lemur jumped on his shoulder and you stepped back to take a photo. It wasn’t low enough to violate the rules you’d put in place but his hand was dangerously close to falling below your belt, and it was definitely something you would have put a stop to when you first started the charade. The Instagram posts had got more frequent too, though Ben still refused to post anything to his own profile. But he commented on everything you posted whether it involved him or not. And people were buying it. You’d been moved from page 15 to page 13 and then to page 10 in the magazines. You both picked up more followers online as your photos were shared across Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr. There were some downsides like rude comments and nasty messages but mostly they were easy to ignore. Worse were the phone calls and messages from family members and friends asking when they’d get to meet Ben. He’d had to fend off his own family as well, but you both stuck to Rule 4, making up excuses and promising it would happen eventually, but it just wasn’t possible right now. But your biggest problem was the issue of intimacy. It wasn’t the lack of sex itself, that was easily managed. It was that Ben had started to intrude on your fantasies. You’d be there with your fingers or your toys and suddenly it was Ben’s voice you were thinking of, Ben’s hands, Ben’s teeth and tongue and chest. Ben’s name falling from your lips. And you knew it was just because you were pretending to date him, on and off set. It was the dumb suggestable brain thing again. The thoughts were only there because you were pretending to be in love with him and usually sex was tied up with love or at least relationships. And really, you hadn’t been attracted to anyone much lately because you hadn’t been looking because you’d been pretending to be attracted to Ben so it’s really no wonder you’re brain got all confused and mixed him into those other thoughts. The first time you saw him after it first happened you wondered if he could tell, a slightly flustered awkwardness hanging over you. But it wasn’t worth mentioning to anyone. You just vowed to push him out of your mind as much as you could.

Nearly two months later you found yourselves back in the office where the idea of pretending to date was first floated. With filming drawing to a close Mary and Peter were keen to check in with you. The first thing either of them said when you and Ben turned up is how well the story was going. “Projections have the sales for this movie increased by five percent, just because of your relationship and that number is expected to grow as we get closer to release,” Mary spoke fast though whether that was excitement at the boosted numbers or just a busy schedule rushing her along you weren’t sure. “What happens now?” Ben asked, “I mean, since we won’t be filming together anymore after this week,” “That’s exactly why we wanted to talk with you both today,” Peter opened a pocket notebook and thumbed through a couple of pages, “so not much will change but we may occasionally need to balance out the loss of on set photos with shots of you out and about together. Nothing stressful and all very easily staged. You probably wouldn’t even need to be out for more than an hour or so at a time. People have been loving the domestic sort of photos you’ve been putting online, Y/N, that one of you using the coffee mugs you painted was especially good. So we’d like a few more of those sorts of moments. The two of you grocery shopping or walking a dog, do either of you have a dog? No? Hmmm, we could hire a dog and write a story about you sitting for a friend. We’ll put a pin in that for now. But yes, just some candid shots of you walking around London and doing regular everyday things together.” “We’ll also need to schedule the argument soon. We’re thinking somewhere within the first two weeks of filming being over. It means we can run speculation about whether the relationship is on the rocks now that you aren’t working together anymore. We’ll see how things go this week and make some decisions later, but we’ll give you plenty of warning before you have to perform it. Obviously, it has to be scheduled so we can guarantee someone will get photos but we need it to seem as natual as possible so we’ll leave the specifics of the argument up to you.” You nodded along but Ben had more questions. “What does this mean for any jobs we might be looking at taking after this movie wraps?” “You can still take on whatever roles you want provided they’re filming here. It’s harder to keep you in the public eye if you’re separated and while the drama of a long-distance relationship might be interesting at first, it’s not sustainable.” “If it was filming somewhere else in the UK we could maybe organise something. We’d have to look into it and see if it was possible to stick to our same plan but just shift the location. Maybe have a weekend visit angle to it, Y/N flies out to see Ben, Ben comes home to see Y/N, that kind of thing.” “Leave it with us Ben and we’ll get back to you on the logistics of it all.” “Oh, that’s okay, I don’t have anything set in stone, I was just curious.” “Is there anything else you have questions about?” “No, I don’t think so,” He looked towards you. “No, I’m all good.” “Okay, well, if you think of anything you can message us any time.” “Really, though, this is going very well. It’s already paying off but we need to keep the momentum during the post-production phase, so we need you both to be committed to this.” “We are.” “Unbelievably committed,” Ben added.

You and Ben left the meeting joking about potential arguments you could have and for the rest of the day, whenever you passed each other in the halls or had a moment alone you’d try to one up each other's suggestions. It was a good way to keep your spirits up even though the end of filming was fast approaching. One by one each cast member recorded their last scenes, saying an emotional thank you to the crew when the director called cut. You and Ben were the last to finish since you were the leads. A small pillow talk scene that you could do in your sleep. It was a nice way to end it, lying in bed with Ben’s arms around you, even with the heat of the studio lights. While you were waiting for the cameras to be positioned you and Ben joked around with the crew that were flitting around angling mics and adjusting set decorations. “Hey, Seth,” Ben said suddenly, “can you pass me my phone. I think we need to document this moment. What d’you say, cuddle bunny?” You laughed and poked him in the side but agreed. Ben stuck his arm straight up into the air, trying to angle the camera just right but he couldn’t quite get the photo to take without blurring. Seth took pity on you and offered to take the photo himself, allowing you and Ben to snuggle in close. “If you post it on Insta you better credit me,” Set laughed, turning it round to show you. “I’ll do that,” He said with a smile, “It’s pretty cute, I think I have to post it.” “Really?” you asked, surprised he’d volunteer to do such a thing. Ben didn’t have a chance to respond because everything was ready to go. Seth put the phone back away so you could film the scene, laughing in between takes until everyone was satisfied. “That’s a wrap on Ben Hardy and Y/N Y/L/N everybody,” A round of applause started as you pushed yourself to sit up, trying to stop yourself from welling up. “And that’s a wrap on The Perfect Match.” The applause continued and Ben pulled you into a tight hug, rubbing your back and pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You had to say a few words but you managed to get through it, and Ben’s little speech, without completely losing it. Afterwards, as people packed up the equipment and you headed back to your trailers to change, Ben pulled out his phone again. “I guess I should post that photo now, how’s this caption,” he said each word slowly as he typed it out, “Thank you Y/N for being the perfect Edith to my Andy. And thank you @theperfectmatchmovie for finding me my perfect match.” “Did you tag me?” “Of course,” “Did you tag Seth?” “Uhhhh, camera emoji by @seththesoundman. Now I have,” “Then it’s perfect. Little bit cheesy but I’ll let it slide.” “I’ll post another lot of photos with everyone else later and write a longer thing about how much fun this movie was and all of that, but I think this’ll do for the minute. Mary and Peter better fucking appreciate it.”

That evening most of the cast and crew headed out for drinks at the local pub. The official party would come later but everyone needed to get out and celebrate for an evening. You and Ben stayed for a few hours, Ben getting a little more clingy with each drink he finished. You limited yourself to only a couple. Ben wasn’t going to be able to drive so you decided to fall on that sword, switching to water quite early on. When he reached the point of intoxication that had him constantly complementing everyone you decided to call it a night, taking a final lap to say goodnight to everyone. There were a few wolf whistles and slurred comments about getting some as you left, Ben’s arm around your waist and his laugh in your ear, but you waved them off and led Ben out to your car. “C’mon Benny boy, I’ll drop you home.” “What about my car?” “Well you’ll have to come get it in the morning, won’t you.” He hummed and lay his head against the back of the seat, chatting animatedly as you made the trip to his. You wished him goodnight as he got out of the car and watched him make his way up to his front door. There he paused, patting his pockets. “Everything alright? You called out to him. “I don’t have any keys,” he laughed, turning around to come back to the car. “You fucking goon, did you leave them at the pub?” “Guess so,” he shrugged, “Can I crash at yours?” “Get in,” “Thanks cuddle bunny, you’re the best” You rolled your eyes, “Guess this means I’ll be your taxi tomorrow, running you around to find your keys and your car,” “That’s what girlfriends are for,” “If you say so.”

Once at yours you headed to the kitchen to make tea, Ben following to grab a glass of water and a snack. He knew where you kept everything by now, making himself a sandwich with whatever he found in your fridge, and then carrying it out to the couch. By the time the teas were made Ben already had Netflix queued up, ready to play the next episode of the series you’d started watching together. Nearly Twenty minutes into the episode Ben’s phone dinged. “Ah shit,” he said as he glanced at it, “forgot I said I’d call Joe. Do you mind if we pause the ep? We’re trying to organise travel stuff for him and it’s easier if we talk it through rather than texting it all.” “Sure,” “I promise I won’t be long.” “Take your time, it’s fine,” you were already reaching for your laptop. Ben smiled at you before ducking out of the room. You head him walking down the hall, footsteps fading as he got further away. For a while you just enjoyed the quiet as you checked your emails and social media profiles but after commenting on the photo Ben had posted and replying to a few messages from people you knew there wasn’t really much left to do. You drummed your fingers on your keyboard trying to think of another website you could visit. There was still no sign of Ben and you didn’t want to continue the show without him so you stood up, stretched, and headed back to the kitchen to grab some chocolate from the stash you kept. You were just about to shut the fridge when you heard Ben’s voice coming from the other side of the wall. Your spare room where he’d clearly gone to make his phone call. “Yeah, Joe, I fucking know. But I don’t have much choice.” He sounded more sober than he had when he’d got up. There was a pause as Joe spoke and then you heard Ben again. “I don’t know what I was thinking getting into this mess…..Yeah maybe. Doesn’t really matter though now does it…. What’s that supposed to mean? I can’t just call it quits now, the story is doing too well and Peter has assured me that the numbers are promising or whatever I don’t really know how they measure it. All I know is that people are going to see the movie because of us.” There was a long pause. You quietly shut the fridge and took a step back towards the doorway. This was not a conversation you should be listening in to. But then Ben spoke again, and curiosity got the better of you. “It doesn’t matter Joe. It doesn’t matter how I feel.” He laughed but it was completely devoid of humour, “Of course it sucks. It’s fucking shit, man. I just keep waiting for her to tell me she feels the same but it’s not happening…... No, I know it’s completely one sided…..No, I don’t think she knows. She wouldn’t have wanted to do it in the first place if she knew…. I just wish things were different. I love being around her and being able to hold her and kiss her but it fucking sucks that it’s only in public….. I don’t know. Maybe not filming together will ma-” You could feel your cheeks burning as you tiptoed back towards the lounge room, not quite sure what to do with yourself. You paced back and forth for a moment before deciding to go to the bathroom, at least then Ben couldn’t walk in on you as you tried to process it. You let the door shut loudly behind you, hoping that if Ben had heard movement he’d think you’d just got up to use the loo. He couldn’t know you’d overheard him. You leaned against the sink and tried to make sense of what you’d heard. Ben couldn’t have a crush on you, he just couldn’t. But it was the only thing he could have been talking about. What the fuck did that mean for your arrangement? What the fuck were you meant to do now?

#my writing #my fics #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #ahhhhhhh #ya'll im so excited about this series #i have all the chapters planned out #i have all the titles planned out #i wrote a short synopsis of the film they're making #so that i can reference it throughout the fic and be consistent in what the scenes might be #god can ben please just make a romcom now #i want it more than anything in the world

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ohallows · 4 years

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hey, if you’d like to talk at length about aphobia in fandom and/or share links to people who already talk about it, i’d love to see that!

haha silly me thinking this would be easy. so! this was harder to find references for than i thought it would be. (would love if anyone had more on erasure specifically that isn’t about fucking riverdale)

first off, as always, references!!

very nice post that touches on a NUMBER of aspects of aceness in fandom and fanfic

addressing fandom’s tendency to care way more and default to fics that ft sex (slightly nsfw, obviously)

fun video on it (about 5 mins!) again about fandom culture re: shipping, people getting mad at those who say a character is ace (also slightly nsfw)

more stuff on fandom culture specifically when orientations aren’t stated (mostly about wlw ace relationships in fandom -check the og read more as well)

the negative impact of writing pwp with ace characters (rape mention in the post)

good short post about how a lot of “aces can like sex too” comments/discourse are led by non-ace people

ace erasure (thanks riverdale)

thread about aces in fic (most is irrelevant, check out the first few comments)

second off, my two cents because i don’t know how to shut up:

okay once again! i am a bi allo woman and i do not intend to speak for ace people when saying any of this. but. hey. if you’re not ace, just like. take a single second and examine how you are interacting with ace characters.

there’s this weird trend of taking the sole ace character in a piece of media and writing porn about them which is. like. obviously i cant stop you but also? why? there are so many other characters you can focus on. please. there’s another weird trend of putting ace characters in fics where they are raped - where the rape, specifically is viewed as something “hot” and “dark” and “sexy”. in general, this is fuckin weird and will cause me to side eye you, but it’s very strange and aphobic to look at a character (especially a sex-averse character) and decide that seeing them get raped is hot. just stop.

for the same reason you can’t headcanon a canonically gay character as straight, or a canonically bi character as a lesbian, you can’t headcanon a canonically ace character as allo. it’s erasure, plain and simple.

tl;dr: if you are allo, you need to look critically at why you are so into writing porn with ace characters. once again, im not saying you cant, but you need to actively examine this! and, even more importantly, you need to do your research before writing an ace character in a sex scene. just a passing “oh im ace but i dont really care about sex” then going into the sex scene doesn’t cut it. anyway, an ace person can speak better to that than myself. plus, if a character is canonically sex-repulsed, just,,, find a different character to write porn about. there are thousands, i promise.

also, this is just like... a general thing that i should have mentioned in my previous post but like. hey. people are allowed to criticize you. media doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and fanfiction isn’t exempt from criticism just because it isn’t being ~officially published~ or some dumb bs like that. you can write whatever you want and no one can legally stop you, sure, but you can’t turn around and bitch when people criticise what you write (especially if you don’t tag it correctly for people to avoid). you can’t say that you want fic to be recognised as a legitimate art form and then jump down the throats of everyone who criticises you for being fetishistic, racist, or a/homophobic.

#Anonymous #next essay topic: why femslash gets paid dirt and how im exhausted of it #woof #aphobia #long post #am. tired.#rape mention #the read more fucked up idk dude

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velveteencurtains · 3 years

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evermore first impressions!

willow - GIRL EUEJDNSKJDJEJD LOST IN YOUR CURRENT LIKE A PRICELESS WIINE!!!!! TAKE MY HAND!!! WRECK MY PLANS!!! THATS MY MAN!!!!!! girl this is so fcuking GOOD! gonna be 100% honest the 1 is a better album opening but this is so fucking good you guys. life was a willow and it bent right to your wind!!! ID COME BACK STRONGER THAN A 90’S TREND???? EVERY BAIT AND SWITCH WAS A WORK OF ART??? SHES SICK SHES REALLY SICK I SWEAR. the way she sings “that’s my man!” yes ma’am yes ma’am!!!!!! the parallel between “I knew you stepping on the last train” and then “you know my train could take you home” SHES SICK YOUR HONOR SHES SICK

champagne problems - okay we love a piano opener. i’m so conflicted on what i think this song is gonna be about. MORE TRAIN LYRICS GIRLIE. this really is this is me trying’s older, sadder sister. “our group of friends/don’t think we’ll say that word again” MA’AM??? SHE WOULD HAVE MADE SUCH A LOVELY BRIDE SUCH A SHAME SHES FUCKED IN THE HEAD??????? IM LOSIJG MY FUCKIJG MIND. taylor and joe wrote this together? we love a couple with shared mental illnesses

gold rush - jack antonoff do not let me down. GIRL THE HARMONIES AT THE VERY BEGINNING JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE. okay I can definitely see what they meant by this song being about being lost in a daydream, the juxtaposition between the chorus and the verses is AMAZING. this is just gorgeous’s older sister huh???? “ocean blue eyes/looking in mine/i feel like i might sink and drown and die” and “eyes like sinking/ships on waters/so inviting/i almost jump in”

‘tis the damn season - i can’t tell if i want this song to be christmassy or not. OH SO THIS IS JUST HOLIDATE. TAYLOR JUST WATCHED HOLIDATE AND WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT. this is a continuation of tim mcgraw, argue with the wall. NO BC TIM MCGRAW IS ABOUT LIKE A LOVE FROM HIGH SCHOOL AND THIS IS LIKE COMING HOME FROM COLLEGE AND REUNITING WITH THEM BC YOURE BOTH DEPRESSED AND LONELY

tolerate it - jesus christ i’m not emotionally ready for this. STOP THIS IS THE PRELUDE TO BETTER MAN. LIKE BETTER MAN IS AFTER SHES ALREADY LEFT BUT THIS IS BEFORE WHEN SHES STUCK AND KNOW SHE DESERVES BETTER BUT SHE JUST TAKES IT IM GONNA CRYYYYYYYYYYY. okay but i’m imagining the babe music video and that whole of like the doting housewife who gave up everything for her husband and does everything to make him happy but he just does not appreciate it at all and he doesn’t see how much his indifference hurts her. @taylorswift mv now. honestly? loved that but as a track 5 it’s pretty weak

no body, no crime - I PREDICTED THIS WAS GONNA BE MY TOP SONG ON THE ALBUM LETS SEE IF I’M RIGHT. GIRL THE SIRENS AND “HE DID IT” AS THE FIRST LINES?? THEN THE COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL??? TAYLOR HAS FINALLY GIVEN ME A GOOD OLD FASHIONED “MURDERED MY CHEATING HUSBAND” COUNTRY SONG HELL YESSSSSSS. OH THE WIFE IS MISSING???? NOT GONE GIRLLLLLLLLL MISS TAYLOR CHANNELING AMY DUNNE HERE!!!!! OH SHUT UPPPPPP SHES A LESBIAN WITH ESTE’S SISTER AND THEY COVERED UP HIS MURDER AND NOW THEYRE GONNA LESBIAN TOGETHER MISS TAYLOR

happiness - okay miss happiness you’ve got a lot to live up to but let’s do this. NOT THE MIRRORBALL PARALLEL “i was dancing when the music stopped” and “when no one is around, my dear/you’ll find me on my tallest top toes/spinning in my highest heels, love” NOT THE IDEA OF CHANGING YOURSELF JUST TO KEEP SOMEONE BY YOUR SIDE IM GONNA SOB taylor please stop this i cant emotionally handle any of this. girl this is the prelude to tolerate it which is the prelude to better man

dorothea - okay so seven’s older sister? so dorothea and whoever this singer is were besties when they were teens and then dorothea moved away and now the singer misses her former best friend and also first love and also they’re lesbians yeah it’s gay it’s so gay. taylor i’m literally begging you from the bottom of my fucking soul please give us a music video with two girls please miss swift i ask of you this one (1) thing

coney island - see i thought this was gonna be seven’s older sister when the tracklist was announced so now idk what to expect! JESUS OKAY I KNOW IT SAYS “feat. The National” IN THE TITLE BUT I FORGOT AND I GOT SCARED BY HIS VOICE. NOT A FUCKIJG CAR ACCIDENT TAYLOR IM REALLY SORRY I RRALIZE YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON AND I NEED TO STOP CONNECTING YOU TO HARRY BUT REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. okay anyway here’s my theory hear me out: This is dorothea’s husband who’s confused why his high school sweetheart wife doesn’t love him anymore and why she’s now hanging out with her old high school best friend again damn that’s weird they’re like really super close that’s super odd. anyway that’s just a theory I actually don’t really know what this songs about! miss swift is too smart for me

ivy - stop this song is so sweet!!!!!! i feel like this is getaway car’s sister! i need to stop doing that i know it gets annoying but really honestly it is! NO NO NO THIS IS DOROTHEA’S PERSPECTIVE WHEN SHE HAS AN AFFAIR WITH HER HS BESTIE AND HER HUSBAND STARTS TO FIND OUT GUYS IVE FIGURED IT OUTTTTTTT. WAIT WAIT WAIT THE HS BESTIE IS FROM NO BODY NO CRIME AND DOROTHEA IS ESTE’S SISTER GUYS IVE FIGURED IT THE FUCK OUT YOU GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I GOT IT

cowboy like me - let’s yee and let’s haw ladies and gents. WHOS SINGING????? WHOS SINGING WITH HER???? taylor shut up for a second lemme hear who tf this is. AM I CRAZY OR IS THIS JOE???? i’m probably dumb. but am i? why can i not at all remember what joe’s voice sounds like rn. is that joe??? im so confused. maybe i’m super dumb and it’s really obvious and i’m just fucking stupid. it’s probably not joe it’s probably some country legend that everyone else knows bc they grew up yeeing and hawing and i’m but a wee city slicker but i’m gonna hold onto this stupid theory that it’s joe singing with her until someone proves me wrong later. also this song is fucking gorgeous where’s my cowboy hat not wearing one while listening to this song makes me feel sacrelige. okay wait tay and aaron wrote this one is it aaron? i’m sorry taylor i don’t listen to the national you can hate me if you want

long story short - god the production on this slaps!!!!! and the idea of being hurt before and then finding your love and being all about them and not even caring abt what happened before!!!!! god i’m gonna cry i’m gonna cry. NO MORE KEEPING SCORE NOW I JUST KEEP YOU WARM?????? taylor really said “oh you’re not in love and i’m gonna make you feel like SHIT ABOUT IT” taylor pls a petition to let us say “BITCH” after the last line so it’s “i survived...bitch!” okay pls and thank you

marjorie - oh is this about taylor’s grandma :(((( i knew she used her name but this feels like it’s really all about her. babey. this is so sweet. taylor i love you

closure - okay the opening??? slaps! literally! okay the production of this is interesting! okay i’m like trying to figure out who this is about....who cares this is so good. oh my god the distortion??? it just underlines the anger of it all so perfectly and i love

evermore - exile hive let’s GOOOO. please be an exile pt 2 pls be an exile pt 2. so odd to me because, as a whole, this actually feels like a way more happy and optimistic album than folklore did, yet the title comes from the line “i had a feeling so peculiar/that this pain would be for/evermore”. OKAY BON IVERRRRRR. the violence of the dog days? that’s my next instagram caption thanks taylor. NOT A DUET SECTION AGAIN LIKE IN EXILE TAYLOR PLEASE I CANT HANDLE THISSSSSSS. “we always walked a very thin line” AND “is there a line that we could just go cross?” THE PARALELLELLLLRJSNDBBD. I’m gonna die for this I really think. okay so she ends it on this pain wouldn’t last evermore so that’s good

overall? this is a masterpiece. miss swift has done it again. folklore aoty 2021 and evermore aoty 2022. no body, no crime is really THAT BITCH. i need a mv miss swift! okay bye gonna go cry over this

update: after listening all night i feel like i need to point out that i’m stupid and thought este was the mistress and the singer was the wife when in fact ESTE is the wife in no body, no crime. SO addendum to my theory: este and dorothea were besties in hs then dorothea left and got married and so did este but este’s hubby cheated so then este’s friend murders him and she’s cool w it, then dorothea and her husband move back home and este and dorothea reconnect and realize their long hidden feelings for one another, dorothea leaves her husband and she and este run away together

ANOTHER UPDATE: ‘TIS THE DAMN SEASON IS FROM DOROTHEA’S POINT OF VIEW!!!!!!!! WHEN SHE COMES HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS AND SHES SINGING TO ESTE!!!!!! CJNECNSJSNNDN

#taylor swift #evermore #taylurking #evermore era #this looks weird on mobile but normal on desktop so if this looks weird to you i'm sorry idk how to fix it #my post

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currentfandomkick · 4 years

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Bio! Dad Strange Part 5

Some paris update again with more Rogue shenanigans. Heads up, this is more a ‘i decided everyone can be complex and get along somewhat so im altering character dynamics from cannon to my prefrence’

When Marinette and Max and Nino ended up in Chloe’s class the trio made a simple pack on sight—aviod her at all costs.

Why?

Max is fairly certain Marinette is some type of meta. Fairly. She’s still the only person on his level close to his age, so he isnt saying anything.

Nino doesnt share this suspicion, but she’s close with Sabrina, who’s dad keeps checking in on him and Marinette’s family way more than the other stidents at Dupont. Nino doesnt like this, and by proxy, Chloe is horrible.

Marinette thinks Chloe and Sabrina could out her and aviods them to prevent this.

Their teacher sees this and decides to ignore the mandate to keep Max and Marinette And Chloe and Sabrina as science partners in every situation by switching things up.

Max hates working with Chloe—she keeps foddling and talking about fashion when its chemistry class. Focus on the lesson you heathen

Marinette works well with Sabrina (both organized) but she is extremely uncomfortabke with this as Raincomprix starts asking her for help on cases out in the open. Woth science and she has to fake not knowing about them. He takes forever to catch on that her mom doesnt know, and would be pissed if she knew.

Raincomprix then uses his daughter as an inbetween for his and marinette’s joint ‘solve the coldcase’ game. Sabrina gets involved to practice english and science, and finds out she’s good at finding overlooked clues.

As you can guess, this leads to Sabrina and Chloe joining the group.

Marinette and chloe talk fashion sometimes, Chloe critics her color pallettes and stitches. Also her choice to use rogues as inspiration becuase “arent they bad guys?”

“Eh? I think theyre just bad at getting the help they need.”

“Didnt joker kill people?”

“That was mostly mr. J. Easy mistake.”

“...okay...”

This curbs a decent amount of Chloe’s bullyign early on. Chloe is not borderline meta in this, just fixated on fashion to an insane degree—she knows everything about all aspects of the industry but cant design from scratch. Her mom looks down on her for this.

Chloe is also how the group know of ‘adrikins’ who is her prince and will marry her someday or be her forever family, uncertain which.

Alix gets along well with chloe as she needs someone to be salty with when Kim is being an idiot and Marinette is too nice and it goes over Max’s head and Nino is... there is some doubt if he’s scared of Kim or just really respects him.

Sabrina and Max cannot be left alone under any circumstances though. They will try to outsmart each other. Sabrina via legal things, Max via facts and trivia. Marinette is used as their buffer, much to her frustration as she does have designing to do guys!

Kim is showing signs of a crush. Marinette has not noticed as has a secret identity to keep, rogue family to manage from another country, other people’s secret identites to keep (she blames Tim.) so many languages to learn and practice and to top it off, friends to keep from killing each other during school. She has a lot on her plate, ok?

So that summer was more rogue sheneigans and dodging heroes while being herself and forcing her Father to cook with her—mostly Great Uncle Wang’s recipes.

“I am being bossed around by a child. In my own kitchen.”

“You were the one that claimed me as yours. I demand compensation in bonding time.”

“Uh, Mr. Smith was it? My neice suggested a aimple soup seeing as you are a... novice.”

This lead to an oddity for the Science Rogues—Mr. Freeze, Scarecrow, Strange and Riddler—getting into cooking wars. Only the RKC knew how and Not one of them would spill, only looking at Marinette who was smiling as she said “my great uncle did that!”

This also left the four with less plotting to destroy gotham time. It worked out for the most part.

If she got bored (and she does) she visits Ivy and helps out in the greenhouse or her the wayne’s gardens. Rose now has her own plants sprawling about gotham (marinette dropped fast grow seeds) so she can escape the Greenhouse and move about Gotham without mama bear Ivy trying to take over the city while looking for her teen-appearing child.

Frost was busy with college and so was Ghoul, so she hung out more with Puzzles due to proximity. Puzzles got it in his head to prank Hero Stalker and Batman. Marinette tried to talk him out of it, she did.

It failed. And somehow it was a night with Batgirl and Nightwing/old Robin trying to help Batman with his grief over the last robin who died. The new robin had yet to be revealed, but she noticed hero stalker was more motivated lately. She knew she couldnt stop him—he’s a year older than her and probably rich. (And she’s not supposed to exist...)

So Puzzles pretends to be Riddler and lures them into an old tv set. They were not expecting it to be a hideout for a gang.

And if Marinette was in an old Harley Quinn outfit with a hammer her size to match, well... disguise?

Harley realized what was happening when she checked the groupchat and no one knew where they pair was until Rose was pestered for a bit to have her plants check.

They went into a drug den and the batfam was with them. Fuck.

Puzzles and her get out of there when the realize what’s up. Why? Guns and not being invulnerable.

Marinette is worried though and hides and may hit one of the armed men hard enough to fly across the room.

Puzzles stares at her. She flies to tackle him and grumbles about sunlight messing with her meds again.

Nightwing caught that, realizes who knock off harley is, and guns for the kids. Only there are more goons now and—shit. Where did the kids go?

Batfam took down the gang.

Harley is seen in her car a few blocks away with... are those kids? It trends on social media that Harley has a daughter who’s grounded for messing amwith gangs.

The Council meets to scold Marinette and try to get the story straight.

Dent snorts when he finds out they were just going to silly string the batfam and slime them on camera. The camera was busted in the fight though...

Hero stalker freaks out about the whole thing and tells the pair off. “You almost died!”

“He said my dad was dumb! It was a matter of honor!”

Hero stalker is Done with Puzzles and tries to talk sense into Marinette, who says its her job to keep him from dying, ok?

Hero Stalker/Tim is upset but kind of gets it from watching Batman. Sometimes your partner does dumb things and you have to keep them safe y going along with the dumb thing.

Riddler puts them in a puzzle maze for a week. Marinette figures it out and goes in and out of it to make it look like she’s still trapped.

Strange rolls his eyes as yes, this is his daughter. Yes, she is smarter than Riddler.

Ed Nygma the other hand is keeping Puzzles grounded for another week. He lets Marinette visit to check up on his and Riddler’s states since they share a body and all.

Harley is still lecturing Marinette and gets her to agree shell at least tell Rose when something is up from then on.

Rose puts a plant on marinette. I am not joking, she puts a vine on marinette’s arm to keep her safe and make her take her meds since “you cant fly otherwise nets. And put in your earplugs!”

At somepoint there may be a case of music master making an appearance, but idk if it should be marinette is immune due to earplugs or marinette gets dragged into being seen by the league AND rogues at once and they bith try to grab a very freaked out Marinette who flies back to france where Max is mid-panic since she needs someone to talk to and uh, she figures he knows most of it so, help. She needs logic and hers is shot at the moment.

Next time we get more of a quick fic on marinette’s training with Zsasz as a kid.

#maribat #maribat au #bio!dad strange #bio!dad au #marinette strange dupain cheng #marinette strange dupain cheng part 5 #my au #my ideas

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scandeniall · 4 years

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ri’s self ship

Self ship tag:

Listen I was tagged by mother Sam @samwrights almost 3 weeks ago and this shitshow has been sitting in my notes since then. To the point where the original tag is long gone in my notifications so I cant even the low it 😭

Anyways let me clear this out and say I ship me with my original number one hq boy: Kuroo

Alrighty eye suppose

Ok so me and kuroo most definitely met our first year of college. First day of class in some random ass gen ed like history yeah that works. And y’all know how profs be like “get to know the person next to you and exchange numbers.” Now I’m like—- wow he’s hot but I know how to play it cool. Anyways so we do a quick intro and then he complements my hair

“I like the decorations,” and I do my general awkward but friendly laugh and say thanks. Anyways that’s how it starts. We finish that awkward ice breaker where it’s like “tell your neighbor why you’re taking this class” and bc we’re both sarcastic dummies it’s like “bro cause it’s fucking required”

Anyways it’s now class two and I’m one of them bitches who gets to class early (in the beginning of the year) bc I like picking my seat. So the seat I picked was in the middle row off near the end on the first day so I sit there again and then kuroo comes back and I’m shook bc i didn’t expect him to sit back there. /Alright so ima use an example of how I met one of my guy friends this past year/ so let’s say this is one of them annoying ass classes where there’s like some mini assignment due every class. So kuroo suggests how about we take turns doing the assignment and sending the other the answers. And I’m like yeah ok I could use that break every other day. So yes that’s how we get each other’s numbers

So that’s basically how the first half of the semester goes. Over time we both make some slight convo with other ppl in our class around us but still sit our unassigned assigned seats next to each other. But now it’s nearing midterms. And at this point yeah I dont come to class early anymore like I’m there like 5 minutes before but history class bro kuroo always makes sure a seat next to him is saved bc at this point he knows I’m like rushing.

Anyways I nearly knock him out with my big ass bag as i squeeze past him in these tight ass aisles and he’s all dramatic saying I’m trying to kill him and got me laughing but also frantically apologizing. Anyways he’s like “yo do you wanna study for this exam together.” I love friends but I’m actually so shy so I say yeah and we make a plan. We’re gonna link like 3 times before the exam next week. The first time being that same night.

Alright so we go about the rest of our day until it’s like 8pm and we’re both done with our own other club commitments and stuff so I’m like walking around the library looking for him slightly nervous bc attractive ppl make me nervous and we’re meeting up for the first time outside of class. I walk around in a circle like 3 times until his y’all ass pop up behind me (note I’m 5’0). “Didn’t see you there” and I’m one of them bitches that be like “woooooooow ok”

Anyways we find a little table in the back of the crowded library and yeah the first 20 minutes were not doing shit. We pull out our laptops and notes but really we’re just talking. He’s the type to as you about your day and since I’m like perpetually tired I’m like “yeah I’m ready for bed I just got out of a meeting and it was sooooo long.” And then we actually kinda find out one another’s campus involvements and he finds out I’m in a retail and food club and I find out he plays for the intermural volleyball team and his a science loser

Anyways yeah from there our friendship blooms and continues on into the following semester where we sign up for another two gen eds together and I end up meeting his old high school friend y’all and watching them mfs argue is the funniest shit. I’m always catching their dumb arguments on Snapchat

Yeah let’s fast forward to our junior years. Over the past 2 years our friendship grew from platonic to just flirtatious friends and by now we’re flirtatious friends whose touches linger just a lil longer to be platonic. By this time we’re both living in apartment buildings (it ended up being the same one) and are both hella busy with upper level classes and both have like 5 campus involvements plus jobs.

Whenever we see each other one of us is always like half dead. But we still find time to hangout even though it’s mostly at one of our apartments. Since we live in the same building and kuroo is in a bigger 3 bedroom over my 2 I tend to go upstairs to his more often.

So Its like 9pm on a Thursday night and i don’t have Friday classes and I’m finally home for the day and as soon as i shower put in my comfy sweats, wipe off my eyebrows and put on and bonnet here comes kuroo FaceTiming me. Yes we’re at the point in our friendship where we only answer with half of our faces. “You don’t have any other friends come keep me company”

Bc he’s hit and my friend I’m like yeah whatever and go up the 2 floors to his place and he’s literally at his desk doing homework. “You made me get out of bed to watch you do homework” and he just does that stupid smirk before telling me I can just chill on his bed. So listen I think he’s the type to keep his room fucking freezing so I’m like getting under his covers and he asks me to play dj.

Now ok my music taste is all over the place but my main genre is rnb so yeah. Kuroo knows this and over the years I put him on to a lot of it so yeah I’m gonna turn on Brent faiyaz and he’s just over at his desk working and vibing. He tells me he likes my music taste (and bc I throw in a lil bit of everything for him)

As two Scorpio’s were both used to lowkey subtly making people do what we want them to do. So like it’s the cat and mouse type game with us and we keep tryna make the other person take it further

We don’t even know when we start dating shit it’s just one day “y’all dating?” “Yeah” so much for an anniversary date

I’d hang out with him way too much bc my lack of friends is sickening. And I like doing random shit so let’s go to the park at 3am and hope we don’t get in trouble

I’m hungry at 3am let’s go a store that’s open 24 hours and deliriously roam the half stocked aisles

At this point kuroo just invites himself over on my Sunday wash days bc he knows that shit is gonna taken hours. ESPECIALLY when I’m taking my braids out

Kuroo the type of bf to help me take my braids out and not be completely grossed out at the dirt residue from the hair style. “Baby what if I put this under a microscope” yeah he’s disgusting though

He’s also the bf to try and help me detangling every time but my scalp is v sensitive so at some point I’m just like “yeah I’m gonna need you to STOP”

We’re both chaotic is this even a relationship or are we just besties? I’m that annoying friend that tries to record everything but he’s so tall in comparison to me that he gets cut off the camera half the time

We’re both annoying and stay ready with witty comebacks so we playfully bicker way too much but it’s fun and we’re still inseparable

Idk what I’m doing here so ima end and sum up and say kuroo best boy. Best boy also dates and is your best friend and that is LITERALLY my vibe 110%

idk im very late to this trend so um i tag anyone who wants to do this

#ri rambles #this is terrible and i literally did zero editing and i hope its coherent #im not good at shipping myself smh i need to be objective #is this going on my masterlist? girl idk

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tumblunni · 5 years

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Managed to finally get to watch the Gorgeous Ambassador episode that @ride6artblog told me about yesterday! It was really annoying, there were these popup ads when you viewed the page on mobile but not pc, so i had to download it on a library computer and then transfer it over to my phone. Cant wait til i get my internet fixed!

Anyway it turns out this is actually only a five minute skit at the end of a bigger episode, so i'm surprised it added so much backstory and worldbuilding to this character in such a short time!

Plot of the episode starts off with Nate complaining that the girls in school are doing this trend of putting cute stickers on smartphones and bedazzling pencils and stuff. Because i guess he's just one of those weird jerks who thinks that other people having fun is somehow his business?

Gotta love this moment tho:

Like the anime is usually a lot more Gender Roles Cliches Time compared to the games. biggest example being how Katie was changed to fit the love interest role vs how she acts as the love interest in the games if you dont pick her as protag. And, yknow, how Nate himself acts the same if you pick Katie instead. Srsly none of that stupid Cliche Romance Girl Personality nonsense, why did they have to boringitize it to the point where the ship sucks now? Anyway before i go off on a ramble, let me just say that i appreciated them adding at least one line aknowledging that 'UGH THOS GIRLS BE FASHION' is dumb and whisper aint agree wit u nate. It would have been real frustrating if they kept going with that for the whole episode because srsly Gorgeous Ambassador is a dude and theres a whole bunch of other flambouyant/feminine/fashionable/not giving a shit about toxic masculinity type yokai dudes in the games.

ALSO DECORATING CELLPHONES IS JUST FUN, NATE. LIVE A LITTLE!

Seriously the plot is straight up "we must defeat him because he is making people decorate stuff and nate has no goddamn taste so he somehow hates that." This equals beat up the man, becos why???

Also its funny how the episode dances around ever saying bedazzling(tm) even though its all about bedazzling(tm). Tho possibly the brand name for that stuff is different in japan? I'm curious now!

In any case it was a strange but fun choice to change generalized gaudy fashion guy into the yokai of such an overly specific trend! Helps a bit with giving him a unique identity cos really he's just one of those repeat power guys in the games. Basically just the american equivelant of cupistol and dazzabel at the same time, while also lacking any sort of actual american traits so it doesnt feel like he's a proper counterpart but rather just was arbitrarily put there instead of in the springdale section of the game for no real reason. I guess in an abstract sense you could say he might have been conceptualized as the idea of an ambassador of american fashion to the japanese setting of the game, exceot at some point he just stopped having amerocan fashion and became fashion in general...? Like if he was meant to be gaudy american fashion in particular he would look very different, lol! He just looks like pride parade ambassador...

ANYWAY LOL WHERE WAS I

The anime clarifies the confusingness of why he's called an ambassador despite not having any design traits communicating that or anything to do with that plotwise. Srsly when i first saw his design i assumed he must be a main story important yokai who was actually a politician or something? Also immediately assumed he was a japanese one because seriously where is the america in this design except i guess america has more fashion dudes but WHY DOES HE NOT LOOK LIKE AN AMERICAN FASHION DUDE like just shove a fuckin hollywood hat on there or somethin

ANYWAY

in the animeverse they threw out this worldbuilding that there's an international club of yokai who love sparkly fashion, and he's employed to hand out their business cards around the human world. Which i guess can technically be called an ambassador but isnt that just like... PR manager? Deliveryman? Seriously i thought it was the actual political embassy meaning and was wracking my brain to figure out how on earth a sexy peacock man was supposed to relate to that...

Cute moment: he does it all manually instead of with a yokai power. Which is actually surprisingly good foreshadowing for a reveal later on?? Its weird how much good plot is crammed into this thing and (sadly) how much later im gonna be venting about how much it was wasted.

Also in retrospect this is a huge douche move to use on this dude in particular, even if Nate didnt know it at the time.

Cos there's image upload limits, next time we'll talk about the cool plot twist!!

#gorgeous ambassador #im love him so much #took a rather neutral rather repetitive design from the games and gave him so much sympatheticness and deep lore!#which also coincidentally was similar to my headcanons for one of my yokai watch ocs so a friend linked me this ep and yeah #totally changing him to be this yokai now

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patriotsnet · 3 years

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Do The Republicans Control The Senate

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/do-the-republicans-control-the-senate/

Do The Republicans Control The Senate

The Gop Has Yet To Land A Single Top Recruit To Run For The Senate Anywhere In The Country

Republicans maintain control of the House and the Senate

The surest way that Republicans can stop whatever legislative agenda President Biden has in mind after the 2022 midterm elections is to win a majority in the US Senate.

Even more than the House, a simple majority in the Senate could let Republicans gum up everything from gun control legislation to Supreme Court nominations.

On paper, it seems easy enough. Republicans need to win just a single seat in order to flip the 50-50 Senate and possibilities for doing so are all over the map. Given that midterm elections often benefit the party out of power, and Democrats control two out of three levers of the federal government, Republicans wouldnt be overly optimistic in assuming Mitch McConnell might soon rule the Senate again.

But here is the thing about the GOPs chances: At this early stage, they are having problems getting good candidates to sign up. And while the historical trends look good for Republicans you cant win something with nothing.

Republicans have yet to land a single top recruit to run for the Senate anywhere in the country even in places where they have an opportunity to flip a seat and a good candidate could make all the difference.

In Nevada, Republicans are pinning their hopes on getting former state attorney general Adam Laxalt in the race to challenge Masto, who won in 2016 by just 3 percentage points. So far, Laxalt has not announced plans to run and he comes with baggage: he lost a bid for governor in 2018.

Arkansas: Mark Pryor Vs Tom Cotton

In a stunning blow to Democrats, Rep. Tom Cotton, R-Ark., beat two-term Democratic Sen. Mark Pryor, the first Senate Democrat to lose his seat this election cycle.

Pryors loss is a major upset to Democrats who were hoping to hold onto the seat and keep Republicans from taking control of the Senate. Pryor comes from a popular political family in the state. His father, David Pryor, represented Arkansas in the U.S. Senate and served as the states governor. The family maintains close ties with the Clintons, a connection that prompted former President Bill Clinton to campaign on Pryors behalf on multiple occasions.

But Cotton, a one term congressman and former Army Ranger who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, was able to break through Pryors deep political connections in the state. Throughout the campaign, Cotton, 37, repeatedly tied Pryor to President Obama, whose favorability has reached an all-time low, and stressed issues related to national security, including how the administrations is dealing with ISIS, on the campaign trail.

Kayleigh Mcenany Is Gaslighting America

Washington, DC President Donald Trump made a prediction about the GOP’s control of the Senate at a fundraiser this week, privately telling donors that it will be “very tough” for Republicans to keep control of the chamber in the upcoming election, namely because Trump refuses to support some senators, The Washington Post reported on Saturday.

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Buzzfeed News Has Journalists Around The Us Bringing You Trustworthy Stories On The 2020 Elections To Help Keep This News Freebecome A Member

McConnell used his power as majority leader to great effect, stonewalling bills passed in the House by both Democrats and Republicans. Rather than vote down those bills in the Senate, McConnell simply ignored them, never letting them go to a vote. Over the four years of Trumps term, McConnells Senate has hardly passed any substantial legislation, despite Republicans controlling both chambers of Congress for the first two of those years. A Republican tax cut bill in 2017 and a bipartisan criminal justice reform bill in 2018 were among the rare exceptions.

Instead, McConnell focused on confirming conservative judges. He was able to confirm 218 federal judges to lifetime appointments under Trump, including three Supreme Court justices. A lot of what weve done over the past four years will be undone, sooner or later, by the next election, McConnell said last month during the confirmation of Justice Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court. They wont be able to do much about this for a long time to come.

McConnells disinterest in passing legislation enraged Democrats and also drew frustration from some Republicans in the House and the Senate.

Democrats will be under intense pressure to do away with the legislative filibuster, which requires 60 votes to actually get to a vote on a bill. The filibuster means Democrats will need to get at least 10 Republicans to support any bill they want to pass.

Four Flips For Democrats One For Republicans

Going into the election, the Democrats held 47 seats in the U.S. Senate while the Republicans held 53.

The Democrats have succeeded in flipping four seats: in Colorado, where former Governor John Hickenlooper easily ousted incumbent Cory Gardner, in Arizona, where former astronaut Mark Kelly defeated incumbent Martha McSally, and in Georgia, where Raphael Warnock defeated incumbent Kelly Loeffler and Jon Ossoff defeated incumbent David Perdue.

The Republicans have wrested back one previously Democratic seat in Alabama, where one-term incumbent Doug Jones was emphatically denied a second term by Tommy Tuberville, a former college head football coach, most recently at the University of Cincinnati.

Outgoing freshman Sens. Jones and Gardner were both considered vulnerable, as each was elected with less than 50% of the vote in 2018.

Republican Thom Tilliss victory over Cal Cunningham in North Carolinaby less than 2 percentage points according to the North Carolina Secretary of States latest tallyis one of several close Senate races that were not called until after election night. In addition to the seats from Georgia, close races also include the victories of incumbent senators Gary Peters and Susan Collins , which were not called until Nov. 4.

Read Also: Trump Calls Republicans Idiots

Collins Says Gideon Called To Concede

Senator Susan Collins of Maine told supporters on Wednesday that her Democratic opponent, Sara Gideon, had called her to concede the race. Without taking Collinsâ seat, Democrats have little change of claiming the Senate majority.

âI have news for everyone. I just received a very gracious call from Sara Gideon conceding the race,â Collins told supporters on Wednesday afternoon.

Collins, one of the more moderate members of Senate, was considered particularly vulnerable this year. If she had received under 50% of the vote, the race would have proceeded to a runoff, under Maineâs system of ranked-choice voting.

Gideon significantly outraised Collins, and hit the senator repeatedly for voting to confirm Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

United States Senate Elections 2016

New HampshireNew JerseyNew MexicoNew YorkNorth CarolinaNorth DakotaRhode IslandSouth CarolinaSouth DakotaWest Virginia

Elections to the U.S. Senate were held on . A total of 34 of the 100 seats were up for regular election. Those elected to the U.S. Senate in the 34 regular elections on November 8, 2016, began their six-year terms on January 3, 2017.

Control of the Senate was up for grabs again in 2016. In order to take the chamber back, Democrats needed to gain five seats in 2016, but they fell short, picking up only two seats. Ultimately, Republican senators proved to be far less vulnerable than predicted. Some reasons for the predicted vulnerability are as follows. The majority of seats up for election were held by Republican incumbents, many of whom were freshmen who were swept into office in the Tea Party wave of 2010. Additionally, the Senate election coincided with a presidential election, which has been a boon to Democratic candidates in the past decade. Democrats had made gains in the Senate in the last two presidential elections, while they had suffered losses in the years between.

HIGHLIGHTS

The Democratic Party gained two seats in 2016, resulting in a 52-48 majority for Republicans. The two independent members of the Senate are included in the Democratic totals, as they caucus with Democrats.

100 100

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What Are Senate Special Elections And Why Do They Happen

A special election may happen for any Senatorial seat and is sometimes referred to as a bye-election. State Senators have two-year terms. In some cases, a Senator steps down from office before their term ends. A Senate special election refers to an election to fill a vacant Senate seat between a general election.

In some instances, such as in Georgia, the state Governor appoints an interim Senator to fill the vacant seat until the next general election. In other cases, special elections begin at the time an officeholder vacates their seat.

How Long Will It Last

Republicans keep control of the House and Senate

The Republican hold on its power in the 50-50 split is just as tenuous. The Republicans radical pro-Trump faction could drive more moderate lawmakers out of the party, which would disrupt the balance of power and weaken the GOP. Alaska Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski recently floated the idea of abandoning the party. This would presumably make her an independent; she told Alaska Public Radio that she would not join the Democratic Party.

In 2001, after just four months of being in place, the power-sharing agreement was dismantled when Vermont Republican Senator Jim Jeffords left the Republican Party and joined the Democrats, giving them true majority control.

Since the deal was only in place for four months, it never really got tested in the way it might have had things gone on longer with tougher issues, said Verdery. On paper, it looked pretty good and it worked fine, but it was only in effect for a short period of time.

Should there be no disruptions, the agreement negotiated between Schumer and McConnell this year would last until 2023. How it will look and how well it will work has yet to be tested.

There probably will be a power-sharing agreement that will be a very lame version of what was produced in 2001, said Steve Smith, a professor of political science at Washington University in St Louis. Those were different times.

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What Republican Senate Control Means For America

One of the most important memes of political intellectual culture today is that the Republicans are no better than the Democrats.;;Conservatives express this vividly in the notion of RINOs .;;Is this historically true?;;More specifically, what might a Republican-controlled Senate mean for American life beginning in 2015?

Since 1980, Republicans have controlled the Senate from 1981 until 1987, from 1995 until 2000, and from 2003 until 2007.;;The largest majority for Republicans was 55, held 1997 to 2001 and again in 2005 to 2007.;;If electing Republicans to the Senate makes no difference, then we should be able to see in the past 30 years that Republican control of the Senate renders no meaningful difference in several areas — among them poverty, unemployment, and the deficit.;

Poverty

The United States experienced the most dramatic reduction in poverty from 1996 to 2000.;;Poverty in the United States fell to an astounding level of 11 percent.;;Why?

This is an important question, given that poverty is over 15% today and we are approaching the 50th anniversary of a war on poverty.;;The Welfare Reform Act of 1995, compelled by a Republican Senate against the wishes of Democratic President Clinton, ushered in the era of big government being “over.”

Unemployment

The Deficit

Ben Voth is an associate professor of communication and director of debate at Southern Methodist University.

Poverty

Unemployment

The Deficit

How Will Democrats Control Of An Evenly

While Democrats will have some advantages controlling the 50-50 Senate, their majority could also be quite complicated.

Georgia certified election results Tuesday confirming the victories of Georgia Democratic Senators Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff to the US Senate. Their arrival in the Senate splits the partisan makeup in the chamber equally between 50 Democrats and 50 Republicans, a divide that has occurred only three times before in the nations history.

Warnock and Ossoff are expected to be sworn in this week after defeating former Republican Senators Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue, respectively, in a pair of dramatic January 5 runoff elections in the southern state of Georgia that determined control of the Senate. Under the US Constitution, the vice president, in his or her constitutional role as Senate president, has the power to break tie votes, so Democrats will technically control the chamber when Democrat Vice President-elect Kamala Harris is sworn in on January 20.

Although the slim Democratic control is good news for incoming President Joe Biden, it raises many questions about how the Senate will operate and perform its most basic functions. The split comes at a time in which the country is deeply divided following four years of President Donald Trump and days after a deadly insurrection attempt that his supporters made against the US Capitol building in Washington, DC on January 6.

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What Does That Mean To Joe Biden

The narrow Democratic majority will help Joe Biden as he tries to fill out his Cabinet and pass an agenda headlined by a coronavirus relief package.

The Senate also has to set a structure for an impeachment trial for former President Donald Trump.

The House charged him with inciting an insurrection at the U.S. Capitol on January 6 but has not yet sent the impeachment article to the Senate.

Biden hopes the Senate can spend part of its time on the impeachment trial while still confirming executive branch nominees.

Divided Government In The United States

In the United States, divided government describes a situation in which one party controls the executive branch while another party controls one or both houses of the legislative branch.

Divided government is seen by different groups as a benefit or as an undesirable product of the model of governance used in the U.S. political system. Under said model, known as the , the state is divided into different branches. Each branch has separate and independent powers and areas of responsibility so that the powers of one branch are not in conflict with the powers associated with the others. However, the degree to which the president of the United States has control of Congress often determines their political strength – such as the ability to pass sponsored legislation, ratify treaties, and have Cabinet members and judges approved.

Early in the 19th century, divided government was rare, but since the 1970s it has become increasingly common.

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Who Controls The Senate 2021

5:59 ET, Jan 21 2021

THE Democrats are now officially in charge of the Senate – but only by the narrowest of margins.

That means President Joe Biden has inherited a Democratic-controlled House of Representatives and Senate.

* Read our Donald Trump impeachment live blog for the very latest news and updates on the former president…

Isan Control Of Congress

This table shows the number of Congresses in which a party controlled either the House, the Senate, or the presidency.

Party

^U.S. Senate: Party Divisions

^The Anti-Administration Party was not a formal political party but rather a faction opposed to the policies of Treasury Secretary Alexander Hamilton. The faction eventually coalesced into the Democratic-Republican Party.

^The Pro-Administration Party was not a formal political party but rather a faction supportive of the policies of Treasury Secretary Alexander Hamilton. The faction eventually coalesced into the Federalist Party.

^ abThough Washington never formally joined a party, he was broadly sympathetic to the coalition which later became the Federalist Party.

^Washington disapproved of formal political parties and refused to join either party, though he became a symbol of the Federalist Party.

^Adams won election as a Democratic-Republican, but he sought re-election as a National Republican.

^Whig President William Henry Harrison died April 4, 1841, one month into his term, and was succeeded by John Tyler, who served for the remainder of the term. Tyler had been elected as vice president on the Whig ticket, but he became an independent after the Whigs expelled him from the party on September 13, 1841.

^Whigs held their only trifecta from March 4, 1841 until later that year when the Whigs expelled Tyler from the party on September 13 and he became an Independent.

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Democrats Take Control Of Senate With Twin Georgia Victories

Democrats will have a narrow control of the U.S. Senate. The chamber will be split 50-50, with Vice President-elect Kamala Harris having a tiebreaking vote. Patrick Semansky/APhide caption

toggle caption

Democrats will have a narrow control of the U.S. Senate. The chamber will be split 50-50, with Vice President-elect Kamala Harris having a tiebreaking vote.

Democrats took exceedingly narrow control of the Senate on Wednesday after winning both runoff elections in Georgia, granting them control of Congress and the White House for the first time since 2011.

Democrat Jon Ossoff defeated Republican David Perdue, according to The Associated Press, making him the youngest member of the U.S. Senate and the first Jewish senator from Georgia. Earlier Raphael Warnock, a pastor from Atlanta, defeated GOP Sen. Kelly Loeffler after a bitter campaign. Warnock becomes the first Black Democrat elected to the Senate from a Southern state.

The Senate will now be split 50-50 between the two parties, giving Vice President-elect Kamala Harris the tiebreaking vote.

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Ossoff had a narrow lead Wednesday morning when he declared victory.

“It is with humility that I thank the people of Georgia for electing me to serve you in the United States Senate,” he said.

Perdue has not conceded.

Impact on Biden agenda

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twisted-sparks · 6 years

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I’m sorry that i always have to complain if i come up here once in a while, but there is an issue again i just have to get off my chest. And ofc its about top & his birthday hashtagging “scandal” If you wouldn’t know (but i highly doubt that there are any fan that havent heard the story) korean vips asked intl fans before top’s birthday that we should not trend any hashtags on twitter, because we should keep the silence & protect this sacred day & him from stupid badmouthing people. BUT ofc the intl fans are pure justice warriors that now suddenly decided to break out from this & finally end this quiet peace - so they literally shitted on the kvips whish. All right, i said, everybody is free enough to do what they want to do. Personally i supported kvips with the silent celebrating but i didn’t had any opposition against the hashtag thingy (i just havent reblogged birthday wishes with it). Then, at the end of the day a big blessing came: top’s precious mom posted a pic w/ him on her ig acc. Everyone was joyful, and finally we could saw his face: he is with his loved ones, freely, peacefully, hopefully happy as well. But what happened after, that is what fucks with my head right now & i seriously question some intl fans’ decency & respect towards others & the situation. A clever twitter user literally called the silent-suporters - that kindly told the others not to celebrate too loudly - fake. Wow, now thats very interesting. What’s more interesting is this question: “who tf are you to still act like you know it all better..they gave us a sign that we can stop being silenced..are you that blind to see?” Well, to answer it, i happily stay blind for the rest of my life, but you being this stupid & ignorant is much worse and incurable, believe me - because, in fact, that’s not a sign. Calling such a precious & generous act A SIGN is very disturbing, nasty, ugly & just simply unacceptable. Top’s mom uploaded that picture to make us sure: he is okay, he is w/ his loving family & he is celebrating this day calmly just how he deserved. BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN HE IS READY TO COME OUT FROM THE SHADOWS & YALL CAN FINALLY SHOUT EVERY LITTLE SHIT OUT. What really enraged me is that we all should be happy that she was so generous that she gave us a gift - because she could easily decided not to. But because of her we could see him. He is allright & looks so good. But some dumbass justice warriors living in the west side feels obligated to rebel & take this way more seriously as it is and so they can call this as a “sign to finally open our mouth” and even USE TOP’S MOTHER’S NAME AS A PROOF. NO. JUST NO. THIS IS DISGUSTING. THE ONLY GOAL OF THAT PIC IS HER MAKING US SURE THAT TOP IS WELL. NOTHING ELSE. ‘Til top HIMSELF not decide to step in the spotlight again, nothing - i repeat - NOTHING IS A SIGN FOR YALL TO OPEN YALLS NASTY BIG MOUTH TO & TALK BULLSHIT. “he didn't get censored or cropped out anymore.... “ SO WHAT? He still didn’t come out and im pretty sure he had A LOT OF CHANCES TO DO SO SINCE THEN. Now, what do you think why he is hiding ever since? Simply: because he feels he aint ready. And whats funny is that seemingly everyone knows top so well, but as i see, yall aint shit. Its a well known fact that he has mental illnesses - thats why his life is a little bit harder than others’. Another big point here is that he is still serving his military enlistment. Those things are all very huge deciding points & that’s why kvips thought it will be better for every one of us to shut up. Don’t forget that this happened way before the pic, so you cant even use this as a justice card... But of course YOU are the CLEVER ONE that knows everything & everyone else is dumb. Nice try, but next time try harder because it didn’t work :) I mentioned that they act like they know top but in fact, well... it feels like they talk about someone else they dont even know. This sentence probably shows how much: “we are not going to keep silent anymore because THAT might harm him more than anything... “ Said by probably someone that witnessed what happened when everyone opened their nasty mouth even when the poor man liked something on ig & the public started to criticize him - or the recent accidental ice cream picture uploading issue. Literally that’s what caused him more harm than anything: that yall just cant shut the fuck up when yall finally should. Logic?? ZERO. And the cherry on top: “just stop acting like you know better than his own Mum”... Bih... the only one here acting up like she is in the middle of the happenings IS YOU. You dont have to be Einstein to know these basic things abt him & draw the conclusions, you just have to be a decent human being that actually cares. Oh... sorry, i forgot that appeariently you aint one because advertising yourself as a justice warrior is more important than thinking sane. Wow. So good. But you know what really makes me sad? That we can argue on sns abt these, then log on & off like nothing happened, but the only one that suffered & got damaged is not us. Nobody will ever know better than him how hard to live with this, or how he should think twice abt little things like posting a pic, showing face or whatnot - simply because he made a mistake he already paid for. That how he have to face things day & night. Because im pretty sure he started healing slowly, but i have a feeling that it will bother him & still wound him for a long time just to think abt it. That’s why yall should be just happy for what you got & stop acting up. Be a decent, understanding human being without acting a know-it-all brat. Because he still needs time to heal more to finally step out confidently - and intl fans knows half of it. Kvips at least can sense whats best for him. Intl’s? All yall did was telling blatant assumed shit all over the place & never helped the situation - but in fact sometimes it got worse because of it. So now yall can measure the thing that REALLY IS HAPPENING. And not what yall think its right to do at the moment.

#bigbang #top #i feel so relieved #i really had to write these down oherwise i would have just blown up from the raging

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dufieslocals16 · 7 years

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Mikey

Your POV "What is up guys currently I have Y/N here with me in the vlog. We are on our way to pick up Jake and Ademir," Mikey said as you drove his car over to Jake's house. "Do you want to tell them what we are going to do?" Mikey asked "We are going to be doing a 3 am challenge at Clinton road," You said pulling up into jakes house. You got the chills as you pulled up, these 3 am challenges were getting crazy. Although you also had a YouTube channel it was a little more mellow compared to what jake, Ademir and mikey do in a daily basis. "Are you going to vlog?" Mikey asked and you nodded, getting out your camera and doing your regular intro. "Low key I always fucking hate coming to jakes house like it gives me bad vibes I can't," You say to your viewers and to Mikey, he smiled playfully pushing you and you smiled back playing along. You've had a crush on mikey for a long time now, but you never told him or anyone for that matter. The locals were quickly picking up on the signals shipping you guys, making videos edits etc. You noticed a change in mikey since fans starting the whole trend between you two. "Jake open up," Mikey said and jake opened the door with Ademir right behind him. "Yo what's up. Y/N hey how you doing?" Jake asked giving you a hug. When you had first met jake he was more of a brotherly figure towards you, he was very protective when it came to challenges like this. " honestly can we get something to eat I'm literally starving," You laughed earring smiles from the guys. "Guys literally Jake's house give me the freaking Heebie jeebies like I hate coming here," You said to your viewers and Jake just laughed. "I'm serious I straight up get bad vibes.. you guys know how I am with this stuff," You said "Ademir do something for the Vlog," You said pointing the camera to Ademir, He was eating some almonds and he straight up stuck his mouth in front of your camera. "That's fucking gross," You laughed pushing his face away from the camera. "I GIVE NO FUCKS!" He yelled making you laugh, you found it so funny the way he would sound saying it. "She's stright up dying right now," Jake said pointing his camera towards you as you turned red from laughing so much. "I just can't with him," you said resting your hands on your knees catching your breath. You all piled into Mikey's car you sat in the front while Jake and Ademir sat in the back. "How come she gets to sit in the front?" Ademir asked "Because she sucks his shit dumb nice," Jake said laughing, you spun around and started pinching his legs making him squel, you then grabbed your show beating Jake with it. you laughed sitting back in your seat, you looked over to see Mikey clentching his jaw. He stopped at Wawa's parking lot. "Yo mikey you good?" Ademir asked, Mikey didn't say anything getting out of the car and slamming the door making you jump. "What the fuck was that about?" Jake asked and you shrugged shaking your head. "I don't know," You said "You think he got mad?" Ademir asked "He has no reason to i knew you were joking," you said furrowing your eyebrows. "Ima go talk to him," You said leaving your camera in the front seat as you got out to meet mikey in the store. "Mikey are you okay you kind stormed off on us," You said, he was looking for a drink in the back isle. He wouldn't look at you, he seemded to focused on the drinks. "Yeah I'm fine why wouldn't i be," He replied as if nothing had happened. "Really? so you didnt just storm out of your car and slam the door. hard may i add," You said scoffing. He shrugged grabbing the drink he was looking for and walked away from you. "Mike," You said firmly stopping him in his tracks. "I Just don't like how they treat you like one of the guys! and I don't like jake telling you those things! I don't like how you have a close relationship with jake! or how you goof off with Ademir!" He said taking you by surprise, he scoffed walking away again. You stepped infront of him to avoid him going any further. "Mikey what are you talking about?! Where is all this coming from. Jake and Ademir are like brothers that I never had or wanted for that matter because they annoy the shit out of me sometimes. There is no reason for you to be mad Jake he was just joking okay! Plus you didn't see me beating him with my shoe," You explained taking your shoe off and waving it in front of his face. He couldn't contain his serious face any longer, and flashed you that million dollar smile that made your heart melt. "There's that smile," You said hugging him. "Okay pay for your drink so we can go to Applebee's and get some food," You said heading back to the car. "Is he good?" Jake asked and you nodded putting on your seatbelt as Mikey walked out of WaWa's. "Okay guys we are headed to Applebee's hopefully we don't get kicked out this time or banned but I will see you guys at Applebee's," You said smiling at your camera. "That was so wack," Ademir said "Boy you don't even know how to work YouTube Mr. I only have two covers," You mimicked in a low voice making jake and mikey laugh. "First off all its three!" He said holding up three fingers. You laughed at his childishness getting out f the car. After grabbing a bite to eat, you all made your way to seaside to seize the day. Looking for parking Mikey was talking In a high pitched voice to the innocent bystander making you all laugh. "Those poor bystanders," You said pointing the camera at him as he laughed. He finally found a parking space and parked, As you all piled out of the car fans had come up to you to take a picture. "Thank you," They said walking away. "No thank you guys I love you!" You smiled waving them goodbye. "Awwe how cute," Ademir said and you rolled your eyes at him. "Jake remember the time you got arrested," You stated laughing. "Oh I know that was so stupid," He said explaining to his fans how and why he got arrested. "Guy manfs is about to do something fat for the blog," Jake said pointing the camera to mikey that was up in the doc. He did a back flip off of the dock landing It as everyone cheered. "Damn manfs isn't even here for 10 minutes and he's already surrounded by a crowd," Ademir yelled getting on the dock as well. "ready ready," He said to Jake "Okay if I flip off of this deck and land it you have to kiss me," He said to a girl standing by and she nodded agreeing. "Yo he's flipping for kisses," Jake said, Ademir ran and jumped up landing a triple flip. "The more flips the more kisses," Mikey said getting Ademir three kisses. You shook your head at the situation laughing. "Okay if I land a triple flip off the dock your friend has to kiss me," Mikey said stopping you from laughing. You watched as she agreed and he did the flip. Watching him get the kisses from another girl hurt you, tears stained your eyes but you refused to let them fall or to let anyone see you were on the verge of crying. You slowly backed away crashing into to Gavin. "Oh sorry y/n Hey are you okay?" He asked seeing you had teary eyes. "Yeah I just need to go to the restroom," You said blinking back the tears, and making your way to the furthest restroom. You found a bench in a secluded area and let the tears fall silently, after crying you composed yourself wiping the tears away. Your phone chimed making you jump, you saw an incoming call from mikey. You rejected the call, setting your phone down and enjoying the view of seaside. Your phone chimed again signaling you had another incoming call, growing tired of it you silenced your phone. Taking photos your phone kept buzzing in your hoodie. Finally you checked it and you had missed calls from Jake, Ademir and Mikey as well as tyler and Gavin. 12:02 am Mikey: Y/N PICK UP THE PHONE! Mikey: THIS IS NOT FUNNY Y/N PICK UP THE PHONE WHERE ARE YOU?!! 12:30 am Mikey: IM TRACKING YOUR FUCKING PHONE THIS IS RIDICULOUS! Mikey: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU Y/N IM NOT PLAYING ANYMORE THIS ISN'T FUCKING FUNNY ANYMORE. 1:00 AM Jake: Okay Y/N this isn't funny anymore we are bugging out where are you!? Jake: Y/N THIS ISNT FUCKING FUNNY ANYMORE QUIT FUCKING PLAYING WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU AND ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE!!! Ademir: Y/N PLEASE DUDE THIS ISNT FUCKING FUNNY ANYMORE MANFS IS FUCKING PIST THAT WE CANT FIND YOU JAKE IS SCEEVING RIGHT NOW WE ARE GOING TO THE COPS WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!? Gavin: Yo Y/N where are you?! Are you okay?! Please Y/N everyone is freaking out! Your eyes popped out of your head realizing it was 2:30 am, you had left at 11:45 pm. By this time no one was at seaside anymore, you walked back to where the dock was and saw no one there. There no shops open so you couldn't ask anyone if they had seen any of the guys. Walking further down the boardwalk it was creepy because it was a complete ghost town with no one in sight. You finally saw a police officer and approached him. "Excuse me officer by any chance have you seen a group of guys around here. I hade gotten separated from my group and I cant find them," Your said and he took out his notepad from his front pocket. "What's your name ma'am?" He asked "Its Y/F/L/N," You said and he nodded. "Honey they were looking for you," He said and your eyes widened. "104 we found we are located by the dock," He said into his walkie. "You friends seemed very Concerned about you," He said and you sighed. "Yeah I got separated and lost track of time," You explained. "Their your friends I'm sure they will understand," He explained His partner walked up with Jake, Ademir, Mikey, Gavin, Joe, Gavin. Your heart raised at the sight of them, When they looked up at you their faces flashed a mixture of emotion mostly anger. The officers got in their squad car and left. "WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?! WE SPENT HOURS LOOKING FOR YOU! DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED SICK WE WERE! WE THOUGHT SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED TO YOU!" Mikey Yelled he was fuming. "Yo mikey chill," Jake said "Mikey you need to calm down," Ademir said trying to defuse the situation. "NO IM NOT GOING TO CALM DOWN HOW AM I GOING TO CALM DOWN! SHE FUCKING LEFT WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE WHERE SHE WAS GOING TO BE! SHE LEFT FOR HOURS AND WOULDNT ANSWER OUR FUCKING OR TEXT MESSAGES WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU!" He yelled getting in your face, it scared you because you have never seen mikey this mad before. "MIKE." Jake yelled firmly. "No Jake it's okay. I'm sorry I had you guys worried, I'm sorry I put that burden on all of you. I didn't mean to worry any of you. I simply had to use the restroom and I lost track of time because I was out taking photos of the view. I had my phone on silent which is why I couldn't hear any of your calls or texts. Now if you will excuse me I think I am done for the day. Good luck at Clinton road," You said walking away from the,. "Where the fuck are you going!" Mikey yelled "Home! Where else would I be going!" You yelled and kept walking. "Your not going to fucking walk home!" Mikey yelled, everyone had just stepped back and watched everything unfold. "Watch me bitch!" You yelled and continued walking. You heard footsteps behind you and you felt someone pull you back. "Get in the fucking car I'll take you home," Mikey gritted through his teeth. "No I'm not getting in the car with you. I'll just order an uber," You said taking out your phone. "Nobody Ubers in our fucking you dumbass," Mikey said taking away your phone. "Give me my fucking Phone mike!" You yelled but he wouldn't budge. "You know what whatever fucking keep it I'm out of here," You said walking away into the night. You hadn't been walking very long before a car pulled up beside you and rolled it's window down. "Fuck off shithead," You stated and continued walking. "Y/N Get in the car please," Jake said this time and you shook your head. "IF YOU DONT GET IN THE FUCKING CAR Y/N OR SO HE-" Mikey yelled but you cut him off. "OR WHAT MIKEY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO HUH!" You yelled, You heard a car door slam and Mikey appeared in front of you. All of a sudden you were thrown over Mikey's shoulder. "MIKEY LET ME FUCKING GO RIGHT NOW!" You yelled pounding on his back. "HELP ME PLEASE HELP ME IM BEING KIDNAPPED HELP!" You yelled "Y/N SHUT THE FUCK!" Ademir said trying to get you to stay quiet. "Make sure she doesn't get out," Mikey said getting in the driver seat. He child locked which resulted in you failing your escape. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU HUH!" Mikey yelled "Just take me home please," You whispered facing the window, Realizing how he was acting Mikey's voice softened. "Y/N I-" You cut him off before he could finish. "Mikey I don't want to hear it please just take me home," You said he sighed loudly and drove down the road leading to your house. Once they got to you house you quickly unbuckled you seatbelt and tried to get out but you forgot the car door was on child lock. Rolling down the window you quickly opened the car door before anyone could say anything and practically jumped out. "Y/N Y/N Stop please!" Mikey said following you up the drive way. "Mikey just please leave me alone. Go film your 3 AM challenge," You said you arm pointing in the direction of the car. You fished for your keys in your bag. "Look I didn't mean to blow up on you," He said and you scoffed puling out your keys. "Really because it didn't seem like it," You said unlocking your door. "Y/N I'm sorry okay I just-when we couldn't find you I thought the worst. What if you were hurt or what if someone did something to you. We aren't exactly on good terms with Jesse and I wouldn't be surprised if he did something to you to get to me," Mikey said and you furrowed your eyebrows. "Why would he do that and why would it affect you," You said "Because you drive me crazy! everything you do drives me crazy! your laugh your smile the way you get on me with your big y/e/c eyes. The way your vein pops out of your forehead when your ma- Fuck it!" He said grabbing your face and crashed his lips against yours. "I GIVE NO FUCKS!" Ademir yelled making you both laugh and break the kiss. "Ademir you idiot you ruined the moment!" Jake said recording the whole thing. "This is going on my channel," Jake said "Don't got to seaside at 3AM," Gavin added "So what do you have to tell the locals?" Jake said running up on the both of you stuffing the camera in your face. "Send cheeks," You said "Ayy snap code will be on the screen send to Ademir and I not to Mikey because he has a girl now," He said making you shake your head. "Well it wasn't a scary 3am challenge but it was still scary watching you guys argue," Gavin said, You saw the sun coming up and you checking your phone. "Okay it's 5:30am go home so I can get some rest," You said shooing everyone away. Before getting in your house Mikey pulled you towards him and gave one last kiss. You heard wolf whistles in the back making you shake your head. "Knock it off Shit heads," You yelled before going inside and falling asleep on the couch. _____________________________________________________________________ Here it is guys my first Mikey imagine I hope you guys enjoy remember requests are always open! thank you for taking time in reading them I love you guys! remember "I GIVE NO FUCKS" ~Crystal 💙

#mikeymanfs

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dullanyan · 4 years

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ok so honest review of pokemon swsh (spoilers!)

so this isnt as in-depth as i could make it but! here we go

the bad things:

first off, i think we need to stop the whole ‘rival picking the one thats weak to your starter’ trend thats been in the last 2 games. like at least have some initiative and get the one whos stronger... though i suppose it makes a Little sense just because he has a wooloo with him as well, but still...

and i mean, yeah leon uses the one that isnt picked but also i dont get to battle him throughout the game like i do hop.

and speaking of the champion, the league (elite four but not?) was honestly kinda... :/

like there was no reason to heal my pokemon in between each battle. i stocked up on full restores as i normally do but it was totally useless.

and with the plot, it was like... things were hinted at but for the most part theyre just like “let the adults handle this sweetie go battle some trainers uwu!!” and then at the end of the game it was like “ok actually heres all of the plot and conflict right now”

the plot, enemies, etc just felt very rushed. team yell was very lackluster, and... rose’s whole group or whatever, i cant remember what theyre even called right now. i get that it was supposed to be a plot twist but they had no presence in the story except for with eternatus.

also with rose, it kinda left me confused on what he was doing/why he did it like that. i get for the dynamax pokemon and all... but im still very confused on it all?

on to other things now, the online connectivity is just... abysmal. why dont they let you select from your friends list for trades, invites, etc??? putting in a code and hoping someone else didnt put the same one in so you can trade with another person? really?

my friends and i have a huge problem with raids, we try to join each others and have to cancel + retry just so it shows up on their system.

its all so needlessly difficult, and makes it really hard to play with your friends.

one more complaint about raids; the npcs need to have better pokemon/sense of type matchups. npcs you fight against are better than this! but hey, i guess lets have npcs that have pokemon that have no attack moves, using types that are very disadvantaged against the raid boss, and then heal every other turn so that you can have 4 pokemon faint and make that raid boss win against you for the 5th time.

its a lot easier with actual people playing, but also if no one joins you despite you having open invites 6 different times, its nearly impossible!

and not having gts is pain... its so hard to get version exclusive pokemon unless you have friends to help you out! (which luckily i do, but still.)

finally, the lack of postgame.... like there’s that whole mission with hop about swordward and shieldbert. but thats it, you know? aside from the battle tower, which isnt much. there’s no new areas to explore in the postgame and its really disheartening.

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the good things:

pokemon camp! ive always wanted for all 6 of my team members to interact... the closest we’ve gotten is hgss (taking a picture with all 6 pokemon) and the games in pokemon amie (where up to 3 pokemon play together)

the AI and interactions are so cute... and how the longer theyre in the party together/happiness levels (?) the more they become friends! i feel like a majority of the effort went into this feature; it shows very strongly. pokemon playing, talking, fighting, racing and sleeping, all of the individual animations needed for that, etc. it has a ton of effort put into it and i really like that.

making curry is also a lot of fun! ive missed doing things like that (poffins and pokeblocks...) so its a very nice thing. the variety in ingredients and flavor from berries is a nice touch, especially the amount being fed to your lead pokemon (the baby spoonful for cutiefly killed me instantly and i love it so much)

and also people online can join in your camp, i think thats really cool!!

the graphics in general are very pretty. its so smooth compared to sun and moon! obviously they arent top quality but that doesnt really matter, it has a nice look to it.

the wild area is especially fun! plenty of places to explore, a wide variety of pokemon that change based on the weather, how some of them chase you or run away from you, or are even just a little curious about you. and compared to lgpe, i really appreciate that pokemon only disappear if you move far enough away from them. chasing after things in lgpe only to have them disappear the instant you walk up to them was stressful....

and that the other pokemon in the overworld dont disappear after each battle you get into! that makes it nicer when you accidentally trip on the 7th zigzagoon that runs in front of you, that you wont lose whatever it was you were after.

and it might just be me, but im really glad a shiny pokemon wont appear as such on the overworld. lgpe makes it super depressing if you see one and dont get to it in time, you know?

and raid battles, i know i complain about them a lot but im glad that for the most part, aside from certain 5 stars, you can solo them! much better than pokemon go, which you can solo up to a 2 star raid (3 star as well but every time i try i end up running out of time, the time limit is annoying and dumb.)

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suggestions:

DIFFICULTY SETTINGS. AT THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME.

i think bw2 had something like that, but it was only after you beat the game you could do ng+. which like... why? i dont want to delete my progress, i want to control how difficult it is before i start.

i think a simple easy/medium/hard scale would work.

more clothing options... all of it is very... modern. if leon can wear a cape, i think i should be able to as well. also why were hair accessories removed?

but i want to dress like a victorian asshole vampire or something. hoodies and shorts are nice but i want more variety!

a friends list feature for online.. so you can select or invite your friends DIRECTLY for trades, battles or raids.

and my final suggestion that, i REALLY REALLY hope happens, dlc features.

like, oh hey you can get this pokemon not native to the galar region in raid battles now!

more wild areas to explore, definitely not as big as our existing one but at least something else! with pokemon outside of the 400 already in the game available.

(they better be free dlc, though...)

and as for paid dlc... Kalos region. its like, right there. just let me cross the sea in the south east. its RIGHT there, a whole other region to explore, please, i am BEGGING you.

if splatoon can have the octo expansion, then pokemon should have the kalos expansion...

#pokemon #swsh spoilers #this is VERY long jsyk which is why i put it in a readmore #mawcie.txt

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matthew-eleventhirty · 5 years

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so i havent written in a while, maybe thats because what i found out was my worst nightmare. two years, almost two years. i was happy, you were happy i think. but when things started to go crazy you werent happy anymore. i wanna vomit thinking about what our lives used to be, what they used to feel like they were heading towards. but a month out of that, youre with a new girl. im so conflicted- to feel sad or to tell you to fuck off. this is one of the hardest things i had to do and everyone is treating me like im some fragile doll. i hate it, but i also just want someone to wake me up and tell me this was all a dream. yea you were really shitty during some times and i let a loooot slide, but it was all because i loved you. im sorry my friends wrang you out to dry, i didnt tell them to but i was really really appreciative that they did. the second they saw shit was going everywhere. it only makes sense for you to have been cheating on me. i mean, less than three weeks to find a girl, ask her to date you, go to the tree, then post it? you dont post pics with tinder dates...? so who is she? why didnt you tell me? why couldnt you just have been honest. that you wanted something different, that another girl caught your eye. its better to rip the bandaid off with me. but no i sat around freaking out trying my absolute hardest to give you what you wanted. i was nothing but amazing to you, patient with you, caring for you, trying to help you, trying to help you to help us. maybe youll never realize that and think im too pushy. but the words you used, the way you kissed me after. i it doesnt make sense. it doesnt add up. how could you do that to someone you loved, let alone a person. but you know what, everyones right you are a loser and a coward. but lets touch on another point. the means for breaking us up were: 1. no one knows me at school, i want to be more known 2. i just have so much to figure out, i need to be alone to do this 3. if you really love something let it go, if it loves you back itll come back. now mr. i think im going to law school please lets go over this. you 1. have a new girl who lives two towns over and from the looks of it doesnt go to st johns so thats gonna be even more difficult to get your name out there huh 2. YOU HAVE A NEW GIRL SO I GUESS THERE WASNT THAT MUCH TO FIGURE OUT and lastly my favorite 3. that is the cruelest thing you can do to someone- to give them hope when you know there is no reason to. your moms was right, youre not worth crying over. but hey guess all of them are going to be compared to me haha i love it. you played me bill there i said it you fucking played me but dont think for one moment that girl will stop you from freaking out or getting too aggressive dont think that she will have the patience for you when you cant come over or that plans are canceled or that your schedule is so busy dont think that she will care for you the same way i did by trying to help you unload some of that baggage. dont think youll ever have the same relationship with anyone after me. im special, im the whole fucking package and i come with a fucking bow. you missed out, but maybe giving you a chance to miss out was the worst thing i couldve done. you made me feel bad when you had to work extra shift to pay for some wimpy ass birthday gift. they were never wrapped and never as special as i wanted to feel. the only good gift was the ring. but i guess even thats a joke now. you really did a 180. i dont know who this guy is, hes not the person i dated. you were sweeter when you were broke. you were nicer without that fucking car. you were a better boyfriend when you didnt try looking like any other washed up teen spending their parents money to buy the next nicest thing so they post a pic to twitter just to get like 10 likes. you were a much better person and i dont think it was the depression, i think its because youre not able to be your own person. you need to follow trends (and yes by being the first in line to get some weird blue floral print shorts is you following a trend) you needed to have the nicest car but that car isnt even paid for by you. that insurance on those things are so high. your poor parents. i cant believe you really need the nastiest human being on the world just to look like a dumb ass faker. you ugly fuck. i hope she realizes what a fucking prick you are. i cant believe you changed. you were a sweet boy but i was right on the 4th and i was still right in newport and i was right when i told you after we broke up. everything needs to be your way or no way. you needed to play a stupid game with too many rules to show my family you drink we dont care i wanted to spend time with my friend. you really couldnt have let me walk through the stores because you wanted to buy an ugly ass sweatshirt. youre mom called you out on it. you couldnt talk to me when i desperately needed to when i felt like nothing but a shell and would cry myself to sleep and throw up because i cant keep anything down not even coffee. but dont worry because i came out stronger and i will continue to be better because one thing i hope you picked up about me is that i need to be the best, the very top, the prime example for fun and brains. i need to be that. so i will be that, and you will be so far behind it would take you decades to get to where i wouldve been in two years. i hope you realize you are a fucking idiot. and i hope one day i can learn a thing or two from you imbeciles. because im gonna have the best time ever and enjoy being single and enjoy my achievements while you bury yourself in debt. hope you marry rich because at the pace youre going, you wont have a great paying job until your 50s. and the debt youll have no thankyou. i understand college is a rollercoaster and its frustrating to try to find your path but dude, a lawyer... during the third year of your four year scholarship? idiot, might as well just buy a bunch of shit on your credit card and hope it goes away. my next thing to look for is stability, if the people who i am talking to mention a job and aspirations and a plan as to how to work things out and talks about how he knows what he enjoys and has a good relationship with his parents and knows what he needs to do and when to do it. i need a man. i need someone who can and will pick me up just to swing me around his shoulder. i need a man. i need someone who will make me stronger and wiser. i need someone who will want to see me grow and not expect for me to help them get through non- challenging things like organization. you having depression is different. thats when you could expect me to help you. but dear lord, give me the strength to get through this and lord please give me the knowledge to recognize these things fast and to confront them and to know to stand down. lord give me the patience to succeed and to help me heal properly, lord give me the guidance to come out better than ever. life is tricky and its only just begun. i might hold on to this.

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agentbrainspit · 7 years

Text

Monsters

Meet my friends: Anxy -anxiety, Deppy -depression, and this weeks special guests, the other mee’s! {They’re just a group of different personalities that hang out at the bar in my mind palace}. Anyway, living with them is super tough! Now, Anxy and Deppy have been around or quite some time. After all these years, we’re kinda hella tight. They’re always there to stop me from doing what I love, or assume that people hate me and don’t want to be bothered. They’re great!

All of the things I used to love, all the funny things I used to do.. I lost it all. I had a voice, I was loud and proud and I didn’t give a rats ass who heard me. Now, I hate to give credit to growing up but....I just might be growing up. But now THAT shouldn’t have much to do with losing myself. I just don’t understand what happened? How does one forget how to be themselves? How does a person forget how to be..a person? OK, let me explain.

This is what its like to live with Anxy and Deppy, and the other bunch of me’s....

-I’ve lost my love of research. I don’t look anything up anymore because it a) takes too much “effort, b) I think I’m ok to live without knowing who sings this song, or who played who in that movie, etc. ,c) I’m too busy being sad with Deppy to look things up. Bitch really brings me down, ya know?

-I’ve lost my verbal skills. I come from a very well educated household. I was top writer n my class. My speech skills have severely declined because, bitch ass Anxy, doesn’t like me to speak to people, or read things properly, or express the funny shit that I say in my head out loud. Therefore, I sit silently and enjoy the way others express themselves. Artful, really.

-Can’t really say I’ve lost ALL my verbal skills. That’s when the other mee’s come in. FYI, they like to show up at random times, and most of the time, they’re super instigators. They like to strt shit up with Anxy and Deppy. “Team Anxiety!” “Go team depression!!” Bitches, all of them. Some of these “me’s” are deep. They question life, and random things in the universe. They can be very meta, and see things that other people can’t. I think this particular ‘me” has pareidoilia (where you see faces and things in everything). The ‘me’s’ don’t really have they’re own names but this one is the artsy one. She sees art in everything. She see’s the emotions, the feelings, the possibilities behind everything she sees, everything she comes in contact with, and she can appreciate it all. Silently, she sits and enters a trance as she picks up on all the details, or thinks of some ridiculous theory. She tries to get “deep” with people, but her thoughts are like from another world. Strange. People just don’t get her, which is why she refrains from talking. “The silent one”.

Then there is also the rude one. She straight up doesn’t give a shit about anything or anyone. She isn’t conceited or anything like that- she knows better. But she tells it like it is and sometimes people cant handle it. She can be brash and maybe even mean. If she’s in the wrong, she’ll just walk away and not care. Throws everything away over something stupid. Does irrational things out of spite. If what she wanted to eat so badly wasn’t available to her when it could have been if it weren’t for someone else making the final choice, she just won’t eat. Literally stare. How dumb is that? She hasn’t been out too often lately because Deppy makes her weak and she doesn’t have enough energy to be rude. “The rude gal”.

There is the “mama”. She want’s to help everyone, and take care of them. Maybe sometimes she comes off as a nagging mom, or “annoying”. She’s always aware of safety, and proximity, and preventing terrible accidents that she sees flashing in her head. Anxy is always on her back about keeping things safe and doing things the right way and yada yada yada. She will sweat her life away trying to serve you and take care of everyone, even though she knows they won’t do it for her. She gives too much advice sometimes, she always has a suggestions. ugh... just shut up. Yes, she can be annoying, but.. she just wants to make sure you’re ok. Really.

There’s the scary one. Mean, rude, disgusting, vulgar. She feeds off the anger that is the fiery spawn of Anxy and Deppy. She suggests the cruelest things. Visions of gore, tragedies, fights, etc, flash before my eyes and it takes everything i HAVE TO KEEP HER AT BAY. I let her loose a few times a while back, and let me tell you.. it was not a good time. She gets through just a tad at times, causing me to have wild mood swings. Throwing things, breaking things, screaming, crying until I can’t breathe, and then she finally suggests that I just end it all- “Today could be your day! Just get it over with. You’ll feel better! You’ll see.” The tiniest spec of me that is left calls out to the shell that is me, and reassures me that things will be ok. Of course, Anxy is now in a tizzy, because “what will my family say?” ,” i can’t do that to my mom”, “ what will i be missing out on?” “what if i was sent here for something and i just gave it all up, so easy?’, “will anyone even notice?”. Deppy chimes in and just tells me to think about it later on. “Be lazy about it for now., at least you can think it over. We don’t have energy for this, its time to be a mopey zoo lion.”

Lastly, hopefully, is the witch. She’s always been with me, since birth. Runs in the family. She is kind,healing, and also wants to help people. After all, it is her spiritual job. AWESOME! Only problem with this is that she can hear and feel extra things. Voices from beyond. She can hear feelings. She can feel energies.This has always been her thing, but as of the last few months, she must have gone through some kind of transformation, because now she won’t shut up. Hearing voices and noises that don’t belong to anyone or anything, which has made me quite jumpy. Also, at random times when near someone, friend or stranger, she can pick up things about these people, and just makes me spit them out to these individuals. Of course I’m going to get weird looks when I’m basically telling you something about yourself that i couldn’t have possibly known. People don’t take to that all too well.

The once outgoing and vivacious creature that I used to be has become muted and still. It’s because I have all these things and voices going on my head and I’m trying to control them so that I can function normally. Just another thing that turns people away... why talk to someone who doesn’t freaking talk!?

-I’ve lost my motivation to do the things I love. Art is my life, and boy do I have soo many incredible ideas. Deppy just doesn’t want me to do them because “sleeping” is a better idea. The fact that I can’t even express myself makes me even more depressed. You see the cycle? Dumb!

-I used to go to the salon every week to do my hair and nails. I was always looking fresh and had makeup and I took exceptional care of myself. I’ve seen the same bullshit in my closet for the last 5 yrs, and ask me if I’ve reeeaalllly dressed up in while. No. The answer no. My confidence level when from 60 to 0...and fast! I try, don’t get me wrong. I deal with what I have, but I’m feeling it now as I get older that, well, maybe I should wear something other that graphic tees and cycle through the same 5 dresses I have. Its a process that now I’m trying to work on. REVAMP MYSELF.

-I have alopecia, and poly-cystic ovaries, and nueropathy, and probably some other crap. I get moody, and I‘m in pain most the time. Anxy freaks out because shes always worried about what people will say about it, and if people notice, and she just tells me to stay silent when I’m in pain because people probably are sick of hearing me hurt and “whine”. So instead of me being vocal when I hurt, I either sit in silence wearing a sticker smile and cry on the inside when everyone is having a good time, or I seclude myself and cry in pain alone, that way I don’t have to inconvenience anyone with my troubles. Deppy agrees with suffering in silence, because who cares, really?

With all of this going on, I’ve lost myself. I can’t focus, I don’t sleep much, I don’t each much. I can’t seem to enjoy simple things. I haven’t danced in such a long time, and damn do I want to so bad.. I’ve had chances to go dancing but Deppy was totally against it, so we stayed home in bed instead. I haven’t cooked an actual mean in months, which is sad because I love cooking! I’ve been living off of bullshit and dreams for the last few months. With every ounce of myself that is left, I am desperately trying to hold on and regain control of my life. Anxy and Deppy sure have done a number on me.

Trying to explain it to people when they ask if I’m ok is hard, especially when these two nudge at me and make me answer “i don’t know” or “i’m fine”. Hence me shutting down and people turning away from me.If I ever do get a chane to explain these feelings, they get overlooked. If someone else comes a long and expresses these same feelings for themselves, they get the much needed love and support. Cool. Let me just step to the side while you hug this other person who is going through literally the exact same thing I just said. My bad! Anxy and Deppy are not only ruining me but they’re ruining my relationships with other people. More importantly, I’m ruining the relationship with myself. i haven’t cared for myself in such a long time, that I’ve forgotten how to love myself. Deppy and Anxy make me hate everything that I am and forget everything I stood for. It shames me to say that often times, I lie awake at night contemplating Deppy’s suggestion of ending it all, finally. The curious cat in me won’t let me, though-thankfully- fore I’d like to see where the years take me.

It is for that reason that I am training myself to be human again. I’m looking up the trending stuff so that I can understand what everyone is talking about. I’m setting alarms for myself so I can remember to do literally everything. I mean it-eat, sleep, nap, clean, work, etc. I have to try to re-train myself to read, and in a correct order. Not middle of the page first, then top two sentences, then the last four. I need to learn how to use technology, and how to follow the news-I have no idea what’s going on in the world. Then I have to find a way to boost my memory. God forbid a commercial breaks comes on, I can’t remember what I was just watching. So many things that need to be done in order for me to function like a normal person. Anxiety and depression really do suck so much. Its painful, its sad, and its scary. But through all of that, I have to keep on pushing myself. I can’t let myself get ....myself down.

Anxy and Deppy have a message - we’re sorry that this is so much for you to read. We’re sorry that were so weird and awkward. We’re sorry that you might find this to be boring. We promise this isn’t a selfish thing, we just don’t know how to express our thoughts properly. We want to love and be human again, and we’re trying, so please give us a chance. A chance is all we ask for. Some people don’t even get the idea of a chance. Thank you.

IF YOU SUFFER WITH ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION, KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE! REACH OUT TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY. SPEAK YOUR MIND AS BEST YOU CAN. HELL, WRITE TO ME IF YOU WISH. WE CAN TALK ABOUT WHATEVER YOU WANT. I HAVE AMAZING ADVICE FOR OTHER PEOPLE, JUST NOT MYSELF. I CAN BE YOUR HYPE MAN! KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED AND ITS NEVER TOO LATE TO TURN OVER A NEW LEAF. WE CAN DO IT AS A TEAM. BE WHOMEVER YOU WANT TO BE. LOVE THE THINGS YOU LOVE AND DON’T APOLOGIZE FOR ANYTHING. IT’S GOING TO BE OK. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND AWESOME AND I LOVE YOU. <3

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