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mcufox123 · 3 years

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The Worst of You

Wanda Maximoff x fem reader

Synopsis: You have defeated Thanos but what does that mean for your relationship with Wanda.

A/N: In this story all of the characters survive Endgame because they just do. This is just part one, another part will be coming out soon. Also I wrote this based off the Noah Cyrus and P.J. Harding song “The worst of you.”

Warning: Alcoholism, Self spiraling, grief

I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS!

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Tony threw another infamous party on Saturday to celebrate one year since you all defeated Thanos and life returning to somewhat normal from the blip. The world was in chaos with half of the population returning that everyone was everywhere helping out wherever they could. It had been about a year now and things were finally getting back to normal. The Avengers had not been together at the compound since Thanos was defeated, so in a way the party was celebratory. You and Wanda however were not in the celebratory mood.

You and Wanda had been dating for almost 3 years now, theoretically. Your relationship had started before the blip, sneaking off to see each other was very romantic. Two years into the relationships the blip happened. She was gone, dusted. It devastated you. You two were conjoined at the hip, so her being gone left you lost. For the first 3 years after the blip, you worked so hard to get everyone back, to get Wanda back. By the end of year 3 however you crashed. You flipped out at Natasha, the one person who had been there for you. You stopped eating, only when you absolutely had to. And you almost never left your room. You had spiraled now realizing that your love might be gone forever.

By year 4 you had hardened yourself from all emotions. The only people who could see you, were Nat and Steve. You went on missions for them but when you returned you gave your report then went right to your room. You got drunk nearly every night. Drinking until you were numb from the pain and eventually passed out. That’s how the rest of the blip went, until Scott Lang showed up at the compound. You did not even indulge any bit of hope. You weren’t going to get excited about something that may not even come true. When everyone started to put in the work however, you helped. You played along with their plan.

After getting all of the infinity stones, when Bruce snapped, you did feel a bit of hope and it continue to grow when Clint’s phone range and it was Laura. That’s when you blacked out for a second when Thanos destroyed the compound. The fight that ensued was hard. Not everyone was back. They few that were fighting were injured. That’s when all of these portals started opening with all of your friends who you hadn’t seen in 5 years. It brought tears to your eyes. Not for long as the fighting continued. You did not even see Wanda during the fight. You only met her when all of Thanos’ army began to disappear. You sprinted as fast as your feet would take you to hug her in a huge embrace. You squeezed her so hard and cried into her shoulder. Your 5 years only seemed to be 5 minutes for her. You kissed her hard. Putting in all the pain and need into that kiss as your mouths moved in sync.

After the fight was over a majority of you moved into Stark Towers until the compound was cleaned up and rebuilt, but most of you were never there, always on missions. You and Wanda, after the first few blissful weeks of being back fell into a pattern. You always got drunk out of habit now and she was asleep by the time you went to bed, and she was always gone before you woke up in the morning running somewhere to save people. You weren’t into helping as much as she was. You felt that you had given 5 long years to helping people, it was time for someone else to step up, and of course Wanda thought that meant her.

Neither of you communicated as much with each other. She saw you spiral, she asked “Y/N, are you ok? I’m here babe I'm back you can talk to me.” She begged with glossy eyes. You however just shrugged her off “I’m fine Wanda, just leave it alone.” And you walked out to where the bar was and grabbed the whiskey, not even bothering to take a glass. Wanda didn’t ask again after that. She was trying so hard herself not to spiral so instead she kept her distance. This is how the past year went. You went to parties together and pretended everything was fine, putting on a great act in front of the team when you saw them. The nights that you pretended never involved going to bed, you would stay up in each other’s embrace, trying so hard to return to normal. After both of you were finished, you always put on clothes and walked out of the room to grab a drink, most the time crying. Wanda stayed in bed watching you leave as silent tears rolled down her face.

Both of you were so broken and couldn’t fix each other. But neither of you could bear the thought of leaving each other. You had already lost her for 5 years and you were not going to lose her again, you loved her so much still and wanted to get back to the place you both were. Wanda on the other hand still loved you. She could see your pain, the hurt you went through. She wanted so bad just to hold you in her arms and take all of the pain and suffering away. But every time you both tried the other person would just shut down.

Tony’s one year anniversary party, although supposed to be fun, was torture. You were already pretty drunk, and the party hadn’t even started a half an hour ago. Wanda was pissed. You were constantly leaning on her trying to keep your self up right and failing miserably. She decided to move you both to the couches where Steve, Nat, and Tony were talking. You’re eyes drooped shut, and you weren’t quite asleep but there was no way you could have a decent conversation.

“You holding up ok kid?” Tony asked Wanda, who had her head in her hands.

“As best I can. I’m worried about her. She gave so much, and I feel like the cost is me losing her.” Wanda said now wiping a tear away from her face. Nat quickly got up to hold Wanda in an embrace.

“What do you need to do? What do you need us to do?” Steve asked. He wanted to have a plan that all of them could work on to help you.

“I can’t hurt her,” Wanda said in a whisper, “But I can’t keep hurting myself either.”

You heard this and wanted to scream, you wanted to run far away. Away from all the pain, and sorrow that you have caused. But you just laid there like a drunk idiot. After that you didn’t hear anymore. The thoughts continued running and eventually you did fully pass out.

“Why don’t you go away for a little? Be at peace with yourself and come to terms with everything. We’ll take care of Y/N.” Steve suggested.

“You can come stay at the cabin near my house. You can help Pepper with Morgan and have the space you need. I could use a little help cleaning the grounds and your help would make it 10 times easier.” Tony continued.

“At least think about it Wanda. We all just want to help, and I’ll keep my eye on Y/N, let you know how she’s doing.” Natasha finally finished. Wanda wanted so bad to take them up on their offer right then and there. But she couldn’t help loving the worst part of you and this relationship you both were in.

She told them she would think about it, before waking you up and taking you to bed. She cleaned off your makeup, changed you into pajamas, and put you in bed. Before climbing in herself she just sat on the edge of the bed. Staring at you and how at peace you looked. Wishing that you could stay like this all the time. She wanted so badly to help you through this time, but she was slowly losing herself. She finally crawled into bed and cuddled closer to you which she hadn’t done since you pushed her away once. This was one night when you both slept completely, no nightmares waking either of you up.

The next morning you woke up with an awful headache. You weren’t going to reach next to you because you didn’t think Wanda would be there, but she was. To you this meant that you had did something right last night, but you can’t remember what. You walked into the kitchen to get coffee for you and Wanda, deciding to continue your good streak with her today. When you enter your surprised to see Steve, Natasha, and Tony all talking. They quiet down when you enter the room.

“Love when people act like they aren’t talking about me.” You say in a snarky tone.

“Maybe we wouldn’t be talking about you if you got your shit together Y/N.” Tony replied just as aggressively.

“That’s rich coming from the man who disappeared into the woods for 5 years while the world fell apart.” You yell back. You were slamming things now, getting angrier and angrier. You saw Steve eye Tony, as Natasha got up and walked towards you.

“Breath Y/N” she soothed as she came closer to you and gave you a hug. You took deep breathes as you calmed down. A tense silent took over the room.

“Y/N, look I'm sorry. I’m just worried about you. Morgan misses you, ya know? She always asks when Elsa is coming back to visit. And well you’re not ok Y/N. I want you to be ok. I want the badass who fought beside me in every battle. Who also was having fun with me and going to fun places being the life of the party. Who always remembered what happened the day after the party and would most the time scold me. I want to help you can I help you?” Tony says while making his way over to you eventually placing his hands on your shoulders making you look at him.

“Shut up Tony. I would still be that person if you didn’t abandon us. I would still be that person if we didn’t fail. If I didn’t spend 5 years wondering if there was something I could’ve done to prevent all of this. If I could’ve saved everyone. If there was something I could’ve done to save her.” You push him away and abandon the cups of coffee you were making. Instead, you walked to the bar only to find it empty. This pissed you off. You kick the cabinets underneath. He was getting to you, bringing up all of the feelings that you try to keep buried. You couldn’t tell them; you couldn’t burden them any longer.

You eventually broke down with your hands on the bar. No one moved this time to comfort you seeing the ice that was forming on your hands. After a few minutes you composed yourself.

“I need to take a walk. I need to get out of here for a bit.” You say while grabbing your keys and walking out the door, not bothering to look back. You headed right for the local bar.

Back at the compound everyone wasn’t as ok with you leaving.

“What do we do?” Tony asked while looking at his friends. Bruce had now joined the breakfast crew.

“I suggest therapy, we don’t know if medication will have an effect on her. I think she also needs to go away, get some sense knocked back into her, maybe Wakanda?” Bruce suggested.

“They are both going to be devastated if we send her away. I think she needs to stay here and get help here.” Natasha challenged. She had both you and Wanda’s interest at heart.

“She can’t stay here with Wanda; they will both continue to destroy each other. One of them needs to get out. One of them needs to be ok.” Steve said sadly.

“I’ll talk to Wanda.” Natasha said getting up and heading towards your room. She knocked and waited for a response. All she heard was sniffling on the other side of the door. She walked in to see Wanda curled up on the bed, not even moving when Natasha sat next to her. She pushed some hair out of Wanda’s eyes.

“You’re not ok sweetie, and that’s ok.” Natasha said. “We just want both of you to get better, we miss our friends. She needs help Wanda. You have done everything you possibly could, but this is out of any of our control. We need to get Y/N help. She’ll come back to you I promise.” Natasha said trying to comfort Wanda. Wanda didn’t say anything though, just cried harder holding onto Natasha like a child who lost their favorite stuffed animal. Natasha sat there and comforted Wanda until she quieted down again.

“Tony called Happy, and he can be here in an hour and a half to get you. Pepper is setting up the cabin as we speak. This could help you both, this could help you get her back.” She finished as she felt the younger girl hold her tighter. Wanda was afraid that if she let go and went with her then that meant she was giving up on you.

Eventually Natasha pulled away and looked at Wanda in the eyes, “It’s going to be ok; she is going to be ok, you are going to be ok. Do the work, put in the time to get better and it will all be worth it.” Wanda nodded before getting up and walking to her closet to get her suitcase.

Natasha walked out of the room and to the kitchen where Tony, Steve, Bruce and now Sam and Bucky were.

“Well, she’s packing.” Natasha informed them.

“Ok so here is the plan.” Steve continued to tell the rest of them the process they would take to help both of their teammates.

Hours had passed and the time finally came for you to drive home from the bar. You couldn’t even walk in a straight line to the car but it was only a short 5-minute drive. You could pull it together enough for 5 minutes. The drive seemed to be harder this time, with things blurring together. All of a sudden you hear sirens behind you. Of course, of course this would happen to you. The police officer gets out of the car and walks up to your window.

“name?” he says not even bothering to look at you.

“Y/N Y/L/N.” you say just staring at the wheel that can’t seem to stay still.

“Are you aware that you were driving 20 over the speed limit?” he asks finally looking at you. It takes him a moment before he realizes who you are. His eyes widen.

“You’re an avenger. I am so sorry. You do not seem like you are in any condition to drive though, can I call someone?” he asks very apologetically. Being an avenger did have some advantages.

“Yeah, you can call Wanda,” and you gave the man her number. After trying 4 times she still didn’t pick up though.

“Anyone else ma’am?” this irked you to no end. One because Wanda wasn’t answering and two, he just called you ma’am. You didn’t show any signs of aggression however because you didn’t want to scare the poor man. Instead, you gave the one number you knew you could call if you ever got in trouble.

“Yeah, Bucky.” You told him. He called, Bucky picked up and assured the officer he would be there right away. Sam dropped Bucky off not even 5 minutes later and thanked the police officer. He also assured him that the avengers would be taking care of my punishment. You rolled your eyes and looked out the window as he started to drive off. Before giving him time to speak you immediately started.

“Where is Wanda?”

“Y/N I can’t answer that.” He continued driving straight faced.

“Why the hell not? Where is my girlfriend? Is she safe?” you said starting to feel the icicles forming on your hands.

“She’s fine Y/N.”

“Bucky these short answers are really starting to piss me off. Also, what do you mean the avengers are going to be taking care of my punishment? I don’t need a punishment I was fine. I am fine.”

“STOP LYING TO YOURSELF Y/N.” he yelled startling you, “god can’t you see you’re not fine. You need help. You were not ok to drive. You are really lucky that policeman pulled you over before you could do any real damage. I’m sick of this person you have become. You’re hurting me, you’re hurting the team, you’re hurting yourself, and something I don’t think you realized is your hurting Wanda. That girl would die for you. She would do anything to be with you and make this pain go away and your just being so selfish to even try. Get over yourself.” He says frustrated.

His words hit you like bullets though. The final one being that your hurting Wanda. You’re not sure what happens but you look down to see your hand on fire. This has never happened before. You knew that you had ice powers, but fire powers were a new thing. Just before you can do anything you feel a sharp pain in your neck and then the lights go out.

Bucky was stunned the whole way home. Where the hell did the fire come from. As he pulled in the driveway, he asked Tony to come out in the Iron Man suit.

“What the heck happened? Our directions were to go get her bring her back, don’t say anything so we could stage our intervention! Only use the needle if it was an emergency!” Tony asked a very shocked Bucky.

“I’m no expert Tony, but I think her shooting flames out of her fingers is a bit of an emergency.” Bucky says as Tony stared at him wide eyed.

Tony carries you cautiously into the compound and sits you on the couch. Bruce puts the antidote needle into your neck, so you wake up. As soon as the light reaches your eyes your furious.

“What the actual hell?” you sneer at Bucky. You feel the flames in your fingers and look down to see the bottom half of your body engulfed in flames. Oddly enough nothing hurts, and you just feel power. The all cower besides Steve who was ready with a fire extinguisher. You just glared at him, however. You got up from the couch and made your way to your bedroom that you shared with Wanda. Her things were all gone. You felt as though the wind got knocked out of you. She couldn’t be gone, not again. You searched the bathroom the walk-in closet everything, there was no trace of her anywhere. It was like the blip but worse.

Your throat felt as if it was closing up. You could have prevented this; you saw this coming and did nothing to fix it. Unlike the blip you were to blame this time. You chased her away. The one person you cared about the most gave up on you. You were nothing to no one. No family, no friends, no Wanda. You broke, not being able to keep any emotions in any longer. You sobbed. You didn’t know who put their hand on your shoulder, but you turned into them sobbing into their chest.

“It’s alright kid, just let it all out.” Tony murmured into your hair. You had always been closest to Tony before the blip. He was like the older brother you always wanted. After he went to the woods it felt like he had given up on you, but here in his arms you knew he hadn’t. He held you for a long time while you sobbed. When no more tears came, and the hiccups started getting annoying he guided you to the kitchen. Everyone sat around the table not saying much with a water in front of each. The only seats that were empty was yours, Tony’s, and Wanda’s. Your heart sank a bit.

“Come have a seat Y/N” Natasha summoned you to the seat next to her.

Bruce was the first to break the silence. “how are you feeling Y/N?”

“Like a complete failure. Like I lost the one good thing in my life. I need help guys. I'm messed up.” You said keeping your eyes focused on the fingers in your lap.

“Hey, I have something for you.” Steve says reaching across the table. Tony interjects “You think now is a good time?”

“She admitted she needs help; she deserves to see this.” Steve walked around the table to hand you the piece of paper. You see your name written in an all too familiar handwriting, Wanda’s. You unfold the paper quickly to read its contents:

My love, Y/N, I love you with all of my heart. I always have and I always will. I am not ok though. I need some time to process all of the events that have happened. I need to be ok again to even start being able to help you. I have had so much grief and you made it all go away at one point. You are the light of my life Y/N, and I'm not strong enough to be yours yet. This isn’t a goodbye; this is a see you later until we both get the help we need. I will be back and I love you so much. Don’t be afraid to let go and open up, you will feel so much better my love. Yours forever, Wanda xx

You felt even more awful now that you know it isn’t over. She’s giving you the time to get better and you will. You will get the help you need; you will do the work.

“How do I get better?” you say with a determined look on your face. They all stare at you shocked but a glimmer of hope passes by all of their eyes.

#wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #scarlett witch #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff #black widow #captain america #steve rogers #Tony Stark #iron man #Bucky Barnes #Bruce Banner #avengers #the avengers

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storiesforallfandoms · 4 years

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locked up ~ clint barton;mcu

word count: 2279

request?: yes!

for @stellastyless

description: after having to deal with their weird friendship for so long, her brother and their friends decide to take matters into their own hands

pairing: clint barton x female!oc

warnings: swearing

masterlist

“What are you doing here?”

I raised an eyebrow at Clint. “Wow, that’s a nice greeting. Good to see you, too, Clint.”

Clint rolled his eyes at me. “I was told Natasha wanted to meet me here. She said something about training?”

Hearing him say he was meeting Natasha felt like a dagger through my heart. Of course he wanted to meet Natasha, why wouldn’t he? Everyone loves Natasha. She’s gorgeous and badass.

I crossed my arms over my chest and gave Clint the best bitchy look I could muster. “Well, Tony told me he wanted to meet in here, too. Maybe they accidentally double booked us or something.”

I felt a hard shove push me further into the room before the door closed behind me and locked. I pulled on the knob a little before calling, “Friday? What the fuck?!”

“I’m sorry Miss Stark,” Friday’s voice filled the room. “I have strict orders not to let you out.”

“What? Who gave you those orders?”

My brother’s face appeared in the window of the door. I rolled my eyes as I unsheathed one of my katanas. “Of course. Let us out Tony!”

“Hey!” Tony stopped me before I could pounce. “You know I secured all the windows so you can’t break any of them again.”

I groaned as I realized he was right. After a few...accidents in the compound, Tony had to replace all the glass with bullet proof glass so my katanas couldn’t go through it anymore.

Natasha’s face appeared beside Tony then.

“Nat, what is Tony playing at here?” Clint asked.

“Actually, this was my idea,” she admitted.

“You two have been dancing around your feelings for far too long,” Tony said. “We are sick of it, so neither of you are allowed to leave until you finally talk everything through.”

I rolled my eyes at him again. “There’s nothing to talk about. This is so childish. Friday, let us out.”

“I’m sorry Miss Stark, I can’t do that.” Friday responded. “Tony has given me strict orders to not open the door for anyone except him.”

“We’ll return to check on you guys in about an hour,” Tony said. “Don’t kill each other.”

He disappeared before Clint and I could protest. Natasha gave us a sympathetic look before following Tony’s lead. I sighed and faced Clint. “So, now what do we do?”

“I don’t know. I don’t understand what Tony is talking about. I can’t dance at all, let alone around some feelings.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at his joke.

Of course, I knew what Tony meant, but I wasn’t about to admit that to Clint. Not when it was so obvious that he didn’t feel the same way for me.

I knew I had feelings for Clint since the very beginning. At first I had thought it was just an infatuation with his archery skills. As someone who was trained in Kunoichi and skilled with katanas, it always interested me to watch someone who was equally as skilled in something else.

It wasn’t until Clint and I were sent to the Hydra base on an undercover mission that I realized my feelings were deeper than friendship. I was tasked with distracting Hydra agents while Clint tried to get in and get the information. I decided the best way to do that was to pretend to flirt with the guards. It didn’t take long for Clint to get in and get the info then leave, but to get me away from the guards he pretended to be my boyfriend. He had walked up to me, put his arm around my waist and talked all sweet and gentle to me before knocking the guard out.

Feeling his hand on my waist, hearing him say sweet nothings to me, even though I knew it meant nothing, still made my heart race and I felt severely disappointed when I realized it was just a role he was playing, although I should’ve known that from the start. And in that moment, I knew that I saw Clint as more than just my teammate or my friend.

But it was also painfully obvious that I was not the one Clint had eyes for. Natasha was. I could see it in the way he looked at her, the way he talked to her or about her. They had been friends for so long, partners for even longer. Clint was the reason Natasha was brought onto S.H.I.E.L.D. It made sense that they’d have feelings for one another.

And that’s where mine and Clint’s love-hate relationship came from.

The time within the room we were locked in passed very slowly. Seconds after Tony and Natasha left, I was sure that an hour had already passed. We had nothing to occupy ourselves besides each other, but neither one of us was making any attempts at a conversation.

“Do you think we could force the door open with one of your katanas?” Clint asked finally. He had been eyeing the door for some time. “They’re sharp enough to get in through the slits there, maybe we could maneuver it in some way to unlatch the lock and let ourselves out.”

I shook my head. “These doors have some real defense mechanisms on them. One too many bad guys have broken into this building, Tony isn’t about to let that happen again.”

“And you don’t think Friday will open the door for us if we ask while Tony isn’t around?”

I shook my head again. “Nope. Friday is basically Jarvis on crack. She’ll listen to Tony’s every command and do exactly as he says, which means if Tony says to keep us locked in here, she’ll do just that.”

Clint sighed and put his head back against the wall. “God, he’s such an annoying control freak.”

I glared at Clint. “Hey, that’s my brother you’re talking about. He’s not controlling, he’s just careful and worried. After everything he’s been through, and the countless people he’s lost or almost lost, he’s not about to take any risks.”

“You’re not objecting to the annoying part.”

“No, cause he is annoying. He’s just not a control freak.”

A hint of a smile spread on Clint’s face. “Do you think he locked us in here to see if we’d kill each other.”

I eyed Clint’s outfit, noting his lack of bow and arrow. “No, not when you don’t have any weapons. Too easy of a fight for me.”

“What if I stole one of your katanas?”

“Still too easy, I’m trained to fight with one or both.”

The silence fell over the room again. I wished desperately to check my watch, but realized, of course, that I had forgotten it in my room.

Tony has to be coming back soon, I thought to myself. It has to almost be an hour.

Suddenly, a TV in the room flickered to life. Clint and I jumped up at the same time as an image of the two of us filled the screen. For a moment, I thought that it was a live video of the two of us, until I realized I was holding a bow and arrow. I recognized the room we were in as the training room in the basement of the tower.

“Steve asked you to do this?” the Stella in the video asked. “I’m a little offended. I thought I was good with my own weapons.”

“You are,” Clint told me. “But imagine how unstoppable you’d be if you mastered the katanas and archery.”

Video Stella smirked to herself. “You have a point. Alright sensei, teach me.”

The video fast forwarded a while as Clint trained me in archery. It stopped again when Natasha walked into the room, pulling her bright red hair back into a ponytail. “Hey guys. Am I interrupting?”

“Yes,” came my response, which was overlapped by Clint saying, “No, not at all.”

Natasha smiled at the two of us. “Mind if I practice too then? My skills have gotten a little rusty.”

“Of course, the more the merrier,” Clint told her, offering her his own bow and arrow.

I could remember my jealousy in that moment. I remembered the feeling of anger bubbling up in me as Clint drew all of his attention to Natasha. As per usual, they started talking about their own past missions and old memories while Clint helped Natasha, who very obviously didn’t need it.

I felt my cheeks heating up with embarrassment as I watched Video Stella glaring at Clint and Natasha as I pointed the arrow at a target on the wall. Not watching what I was doing, the arrow flew miles away from the target and hit the wall, causing an indent that I knew was still there to this day.

Clint hissed a profanity before running towards the arrow, attempting to pull it down. As he did so, I quickly walked over to Natasha.

“Hey Nat,” I said. “I don’t mean to sound rude, but do you mind leaving Clint and I to work on this? He seems a little...distracted by you.”

Natasha gave me a knowing look, one that I had chosen to ignore at the time. “Sure, have fun with your lesson.”

“I’m still upset over the damage to that wall,” came Tony’s voice as the TV turned off again. “But I guess I’m glad it’s the training room and not anywhere else in the building.”

“What was that for, Tony?” I asked, trying not to face Clint. He didn’t know I had asked Natasha to leave that day. I had told her she just left, and she went along with my excuse.

“Just to jog your memory, since neither of you seem to know why we want you to talk,” Tony responded. “You have another 20 minutes.”

I couldn’t help but groan as I heard how much time we had left.

“Why did you ask Natasha to leave that day?” Clint asked. I finally turned to look at him to see that he was confused. “You were doing so well before she came, then you...demolished the wall and told her I was distracted by her?”

I felt my heart racing as I tried to come up with some excuse. “I...I figured that I needed the training from you, s-since I had shot the wall.”

“But you were...staring at us when it happened. You weren’t even focusing on the target when you shot.”

I felt frustration boiling over in me and I couldn’t stop myself before I blurted, “God Clint, are you really that fucking blind?!”

He was taken back by my outburst, and so was I honestly. With that out, however, I knew there was no turning back. “Why else do you think I’d get like that when Natasha is around? Why do you think I was so distracted despite not being so earlier? Use your brain for once you fucking idiot!”

“And here you go again,” Clint said, rolling his eyes. “We were getting along before that stupid video played, and now you’re getting angry with me. Why are you like this, Stella? What happened to us just being friends like we were when we first met?”

“I can’t just be fucking friends with you, Clint!” I snapped.

“Why not?”

“Because I have fucking feelings for you!”

I covered my mouth the moment the words were out. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, but at the same time it felt like another one had replaced it. I had to wait for Clint’s response, and I already knew it wasn’t going to be one I liked.

He looked shocked at my outburst. My hands were shaking as I slowly lowered them from my face. I looked around the room, trying to find the security camera I knew Tony had installed in there. “Did you hear that, big brother? I said it! You got what you wanted, now open the door!”

“Not yet,” Tony’s voice responded.

“What else are you waiting for?” I asked. I could hear my voice trembling, but I held back the lump of tears that was forming in my throat. “Clint’s not going to say anything back, he doesn’t like me the same way. Why would he? I mean, have you seen Natasha? She’s gorgeous, and she’s so badass. Why would he ever have feelings for me when he already has her?”

“Stel,” came Natasha’s voice in return, “turn around.”

I turned to look back at Clint, who caught my lips with his the moment I had turned. I melted into the kiss immediately, almost feeling relieved that I was finally able to kiss him.

I pulled away after a moment, looking up at him. “Really?”

The smile that I adored spread across his face. “Yeah, really. I’ve been wanting to tell you for such a long time, but I always thought you hated me.”

“I thought it was easier to pretend to hate you than to let myself get hurt,” I admitted. “I didn’t inherit my father’s brains like Tony did.”

“She said it, not me,” came Tony’s voice once more before the door to the room unlocked and opened.

I couldn’t wipe the wide smile off of my face as I looked up at Clint. “So...what does this mean now? Where do we go from here?”

“We get out of this room and I take you somewhere nice where we can start all over,” Clint responded. “Forget all the jealousy and the fights ever happened and we try this again...but better this time.”

I nodded. “I like that plan. Let’s go.”

#clint barton #clint barton imagine #clint barton x reader #jeremy renner #jeremy renner imagine #jeremy renner x reader #marvel #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #avengers #hawkeye #hawkeye imagine #imagine #one shot #request #fanfic #fanfiction

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rosethornewrites · 5 years

Text

Fic: Breaking Point

Relationships: Caline Bustier & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug

Characters: Caline Bustier, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Alya Césaire, Max Kanté, Nathaniel Kurtzberg, Juleka Couffaine, Lila Rossi, Tikki

Tags: caline bustier salt, Reveal, Badass Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste Knows, Protective Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Caline Bustier Knows, ml salt, Harassment, Lila Rossi Lies, Bad Classroom Environments, Gaslighting, enablers, Bullying ,Salt, Identity Reveal, Spitefic, Swearing, Adrien Sugar

Summary: '“For instance, being a superhero is not a viable career path,” was what made her tune in, her attention fully pulled to Mme. Bustier, who seemed to be looking right at her.'

Note: This was written based on a prompt by @norakwami.

AO3 link

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Marinette wasn’t really paying attention to Mme. Bustier’s lecture. To be fair, it was about career options and how to achieve them, something she had researched so completely she already had a list of universities she intended to apply to, along with possible companies to intern, all carefully tabbed in a binder at home that was also slowly filling with application and portfolio ideas.

Given that she was only fourteen and still had four more years before she reached the point of applying, she was ahead of the game. Perhaps she could be considering going to another lycée instead of the feeder for Collège Françoise Dupont, perhaps somewhere private that had a focus on fashion. But she didn’t want to put pressure on her parents, who would have to pay the tuition for such an institution, when she was already winning awards and making a name for herself through designing for Jagged Stone and the up-and-coming Kitty Section, among others.

“For instance, being a superhero is not a viable career path,” was what made her tune in, her attention fully pulled to Mme. Bustier, who seemed to be looking right at her.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Marinette felt frozen by that stare, pinned like a ladybug by an entomologist. How could she know? Did other people notice her stare?

“Ladybug is almost certainly harming her civilian future through these superhero antics, which prevent her from fulfilling all her obligations.”

Alya snorted. “That’s not Ladybug’s fault—it’s Hawkmoth’s. Ladybug protects the city. And maybe Paris should pay her for her services!”

“Ladybug is a teenager who should be concentrating on school,” Mme. Bustier declared, still staring holes into Marinette.

“Ladybug has never released her age,” Adrien murmured, his voice sounding strained. “So that’s conjecture, Mme. Bustier. How does this have to do with our future careers?”

To her horror, he turned and followed her gaze to Marinette.

She felt as though she might hyperventilate, panic rising in her gut. If she was compromised, that put her family and friends at risk, put the Miracle Box at risk, played right into Hawkmoth’s hands. She’d never been good at a poker face, and she wasn’t sure whether she was managing now.

Adrien’s eyes widened, and she knew she’d failed, at least with him. Kwami, she hoped she could trust him.

“I’m glad you asked, Adrien. For instance, Marinette, would you please share your current preparation for your future career.”

All eyes were on her, and she could feel the thoughts swirling around them as she was called out. She swallowed, trying to push it all down.

“I-I… I have a binder. At home. F-fifteen different universities with fashion p-programs. In order of where I want to go most. Also c-companies that offer internships.” She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves—it helped a bit. “I’ve started my portfolio, including the b-bowler hat that won M. Agreste’s contest, and my work for Jagged Stone and Kitty Section, and p-pictures of clothing I’ve designed and made.”

She could hear murmurs around her, and Alya gave a low whistle beside her.

“Girl, no wonder you don’t sleep. You’re on top of this!”

Mme. Bustier’s mouth became a thin line, her lips pressed together as though she was irritated.

Marinette wished keenly that Master Fu was still around, could handle this situation. She’d come to realize Mme. Bustier was a terrible teacher, enabling bullying and shaming victims as though they were at fault for their treatment. But this was a whole new level of awful.

“Still, the way you run off during Akuma attacks interrupts your daily life and prevents you from—”

“We all run away during Akuma attacks! They disrupt all our daily lives.”

Adrien stood, his back rigid from tension.

“Marinette has been personally targeted multiple times during Akuma attacks. So have I! A lot of this has been documented on the LadyBlog. It’s traumatizing—and we keep our memories of that because we’re not the Akuma. I run and hide, personally. Why would you shame Marinette for that?”

The class fell silent, and glancing around Marinette could see the tension in their faces, their own memories of being chased by Akuma.

Adrien had moved this away from the idea of Marinette being Ladybug to her being shamed for her reaction to Akumas. He was protecting her. And she loved him all the more for it.

“There was Evillustrator,” Marinette murmured, jumping on the red herring.

She glanced at Nathanaël apologetically. He offered a sad smile.

“I had to help Chat Noir with that. It was scary. André Glacier became Glaciator and came looking for me, and Chat Noir saved me from getting frozen. And Gamer was looking for me. Chat Noir saved me again.”

She could see Max wince across the aisle.

“Reflekta turned me into her clone because she was mad at me. And it was my fault.”

Marinette turned and mouthed ‘sorry’ to Juleka.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Juleka whispered, then cringed as she realized her voice had carried far enough for everyone to hear.

She smiled, then turned back to the front.

“My own grandmother tried to turn me into coal when she was Akumatized because she was upset I wasn’t like eight years old anymore—Chat Noir saved me again there, too. And then my dad was Akumatized and Chat Noir and Ladybug had to save me again.”

Marinette hadn’t been able to transform, needing to be saved as a civilian before she could get back as Ladybug. Too many of them had been so public she’d had to trust Chat Noir would be able to hold his own until she got there—and she did, but she was afraid sometime that would be fatal.

“And I saw footage when Adrien was dropped from a building and then when Volpina pretended to drop him from the Eiffel Tower. That’s terrifying!”

She didn’t turn around to look at Lila. Instead she looked at Adrien, who was still standing, alternating between glaring at Mme. Bustier and glancing back at her with concern in his eyes.

“And then there’s mind control Akumas, like with Miracle Queen. I’m scared of Akumas, Mme. Bustier. Even when they’re across the city, they won’t always stay there, and I want to hide. And I refuse to be ashamed of that!”

It wasn’t a lie, either. Civilian her absolutely wanted to hide—and did, just behind a mask.

She turned her attention to the teacher, keeping her back straight, remembering she had Adrien on her side, even if she wished he didn’t know—damn Bustier for that. Marinette steeled herself.

“I don’t understand why you’ve singled me out to try to imply I alone am somehow failing to perform because of Akumas, but you always seem to do this. I’m at fault for being bullied. I need to be an example and not react when my belongings are destroyed and my locker is broken into. Or when someone gets me expelled by somehow putting test answers in my bag and a new Gabriel-brand necklace—supposedly an heirloom—in my locker that’s been broken into before. I’ve spent the last year feeling I’m not allowed to have emotions. But this is the last straw.”

Marinette stood, picking up her bag. When she glanced down Tikki was giving her the Kwami version of a thumbs up.

“Frankly, Mme. Bustier, you have been toxic for my mental health for quite some time. Time I’ve spent researching to discover what you’re doing isn’t appropriate for the classroom; it’s abusive and reportable. If you’ll excuse me, I need to speak to the M. Damocles, as well as my parents. And perhaps the Board of Governors, as I am no longer willing to tolerate this treatment and its continued harm to my education.”

With that, she marched down the stairs, past an open-mouthed Bustier, and out of the classroom, holding her head high.

Once in the open hallway, clear of the windows, she deflated.

“Well, fuck,” she whispered. “I guess I get to do research on a new collège, too.”

She supposed, at least, she’d been successful at diverting Bustier from the Ladybug accusations; the last thing she needed was for Ladybug-hater Lila to know and come after her.

“You and me both.”

Adrien’s voice behind her nearly made her jump out of her skin. She was relieved to see no one else had followed him. She could hear the hullaballoo of the classroom behind her, all control having been lost.

He quirked a grin. “We’re in it together, Bugaboo. As always.”

She stared, feeling like there was a hamster lolling on the wheel of her thoughts instead of running to turn it.

Adrien took her arm. “Come on. I’ll support you. Let’s go talk to M. Damocles.”

“Ch-Chat?” Marinette managed in a hiss as her brain finally caught up.

He gently guided her forward. “My Lady.”

She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to laugh, cry, scream, or some combination of the three. But as they approached M. Damocles’ office, Marinette pushed the issue aside.

After all, she had work to do, and Ladybug didn’t leave work unfinished.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous fanfiction #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #bustier salt #alya cesaire #max kante #juleka couffaine #nathaniel kurtzberg #caline bustier #lila rossi #lila 'the liar' rossi #ml salt #adrien sugar #identity reveal #my fanfiction #miraculous salt

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korra-the-red-lion · 3 years

Text

Conflict.

Here’s a super random fic I wrote for Legends of Tomorrow! The pairing is Astra x Behrad x Spooner. This literally comes from me and my friend @sapphictv saying that Astra has two hands haha. I hope you enjoy!

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Astra, former queen of hell, badass sorcerer-in-training, killer of men and women alike, was very frustrated that she was unable to come up with a solution to this problem on hand. And what, you might be asking yourself, is that problem exactly?

In fact, it was two problems.

The first problem came in the form of Behrad Tarazi. The idiotic stoner who took nearly as long as his insipid sister in the shower slowly worked his way into her life with his charming smile and easy out look on life. Not mention, he looked damned fine in a suit. Astra would never admit it out loud, but she probably would have jumped him that day hadn’t she had amazing self-control. After her slip up of showing a sliver of interest in him that time, he only took that as a means of encouragement, something Astra would have never done intentionally.

The next problem was that of Esperanza “Spooner” Cruz. The frustrating little gremlin first sparked something inside of her when she was the first to support her after she had been tricked by that bastard Crowley. Then of course there was that hug they shared during the Galactic Bowling Match. Astra found herself constantly amused by the tiny woman’s feisty nature and even meaner tongue, unless it was directed at her of course. Even then, however, caused something warm to stir inside her chest at the thought of being the center of focus for Spooner.

So, needless to say, Astra was very angry. And nobody liked when Astra was angry.

So far, she had broken the coffee pot, told Nate to stop talking about Indiana Jones, punched the wall (though that had been an accident, mostly), and set fire to Gary (that had been intentional). Right now, she was seething alone in her room as she flipped through her books to see if there was a spell to help her remove her feelings for the two idiots on board the Waverider.

“Ugh, there’s nothing here!” she raged as she threw the book across the room.

Ava poked her head into the room with a small frown on her face. “Uh…hey, Astra? Is there something that’s bothering you? You just seem to be in a mood today.”

Astra rolled her eyes with an annoyed sigh. “Why would you think that? I’m obviously fine.”

“Hm, okay.” Ava took one look around the room when she noticed the spell book near her feet. She picked it up and took a quick look through it as Astra grabbed another one to get angry about. “’A spell to help you get rid of human emotions. Warning, side effect may include death,’” Ava read aloud. “What’s this about?”

“Exactly what it sounds like,” sneered Astra.

Ava frowned again as she nodded. “Right. Are you sure there’s nothing bothering you?”

Astra was just about to tell Ava to do something very vulgar when she sighed in defeat. “Promise you won’t tell anyone?”

Ava crossed her fingers over her heart.

Astra fell back into her pillows with a dramatic huff. “I believe that I may have…developed a crush on Behrad.”

“Oh that’s-”

“And Spooner,” Astra cut in.

Ava’s eyebrows shot up into her hair line. “Oh. OH. Okay, wow. I wasn’t expecting that.”

“How did this happen?” Astra grabbed a pillow and buried her face in it. “I’m suppose to be the bitch on board, and now I’ve been reduced to a wallowing puddle of misery.”

“I don’t think it’s a bad thing, Astra,” said Ava. “Maybe you could talk to them about it?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Oookay,” Ava twisted her mouth as she thought what to suggest next. Seeing as her only real relationship came in the form of one Sara Lance, she probably wasn’t the best person to help with this. However, Ava was a thinker, and she figured that there was a logical solution to Astra’s problem. When the idea popped into her head, Ava couldn’t believe how intelligent she was.

“I have an idea,” she said with a grin.

“Does it involve killing both of them and pretending that these feelings never existed?” Astra asked, with one eye peeking out from under the pillow.

“Even better.”

Astra doubted that there was something better than murder, but she decided to go along with it for now.

God, how she was probably going to regret this.

XXX

Astra decided that she was going to kill Ava once this was all done.

Her idiotic master idea was awful. Ava figured that if one of them made the move first, then that would be the one she should date. Simple enough, except in involved them being dumped in Star City to go on a ‘mission’ that Ava created specifically for them. When Zari got word that her brother was leaving without her, she got all annoyed and followed after them, so already the plan was falling apart. Oh, and she brought Sara with her.

Just kill her now.

Spooner scowled as she kicked an empty can away from the trio. “Why are we here again? I don’t sense any aliens nearby. Are we sure Ava got the details right?”

Behrad gave her an easy smile as he pulled out a joint. “Dude, just trust in Ava. She hasn’t really led us astray yet. Besides, it’s nice to get away from the Waverider every now and then.”

Spooner rolled her eyes. “I was enjoying my evening, but whatever. I’m going to grab something to drink,” she indicated the convenience store with a jerk of her head. “Y’all want something?”

Astra realized that this was her chance to be alone with either of them, but since it seemed Behrad was more concerned with his weed at the moment, it meant that she had a better shot with Spooner. With a heavy swallow of her pride, Astra flashed a smile at Spooner.

“I’ll go with you.”

Spooner shrugged but didn’t argue, so the two women walked into the brightly lit germ palace together. It took nearly all her willpower to not sneer nor gag at the sight of the pimply teenager behind the counter. His eyes most certainly went to look at her breasts, and Astra started to raise her hand to turn him inside out when Spooner grabbed it, interlocking their fingers together. Astra’s mind went blank as she started at their hands as her heart thumped uncomfortably in her chest.

“Please don’t try and kill the child,” said Spooner softly as she led them over to the cold shelves. “We’re here for a mission, remember? Besides, teenage boys are stupid, so it’s not worth getting all upset about.”

Astra had barely listened to a word she had said, as she was too focused on the hands. Were hands always this warm? Were you always able to feel a pulse in someone’s hand? Was her hand sweaty?! A million other thoughts zoomed through her head like a NASCAR. It wasn’t until Spooner snapped her fingers in her face that Astra joined reality again.

“Sorry?” she asked with a couple blinks of her eyes.

Spooner’s mouth quirked upwards in amusement as she pointed to the doors. “I asked what drink you wanted, carino?”

Astra didn’t speak a lick of Spanish, so she wasn’t sure what that last part was supposed to mean. Although she was curious, she didn’t ask. Instead, she reached for the can of iced tea silently. Spooner watched her with a thoughtful look on her face as she grabbed her own can of Coca Cola. She grabbed something at random for Behrad and together they went to the counter. The pimply monstrosity rung everything up and told the price with an obnoxious voice crack. Astra spared a glance at Spooner to see if it was okay to at least turn him into an opossum or something, but a quick shake of the head told her no. How disappointing.

It wasn’t until they left the store that Astra realized that they were still holding hands. She felt a surge of panic as they approached Behrad, but luckily Spooner left got just as they got there. She handed him the can of Dr. Pepper, which he took gratefully.

Over the comms Astra could hear Sara saying, “No, she hasn’t made a move yet. I’m getting really bored of waiting.” Stupid Sara.

Behrad cracked up the sugary drink with a gleeful look on his face. “Thanks Spoons! How’d you know Dr. P was my go-to soda?”

Spooner rolled her eyes, but her smile gave away her amusement. “Because I’ve lived with you for awhile now, dumbass.”

Astra watched this exchange with interest. Suddenly she was nervous. What if the two of them liked each? What if this was all for nothing? What if in her own self-absorption, she never realized the two of them had romantic feelings for each other? Now Astra was upset. She disguised her sigh of unhappiness with a grunt as she stalked further ahead. She could hear the two of them talking behind her, but she chose to ignore it.

Eventually, they made it to the area where Ava was going to send Gary to attack. Astra sat down moodily as Spooner did a perimeter search for safety. Behrad sat down next to her and nudge her with his shoulder.

“What’s eating you, Astra?” he asked kindly.

Astra glanced at him, which was a mistake. He looked so gorgeous under the streetlight. She turned away, disgusted by the blush she could feel on her face as she mumbled, “Nothing.”

“Doesn’t sound like nothing.” Behrad scratched at his chin thoughtfully. “But I’m not going to push you to talk about. I just think you should know that I’m always here if you need a shoulder to lean on.”

Oh, how tempting was the offer to rest her head on his broad shoulders. Astra wished with everything in her heart that she could do that. She settled for a nod of acknowledgement instead. She frowned in thought as she turned to him.

“Behrad, can I ask you something, actually?”

Behrad had his can of soda halfway to his lips when he nodded. “Go for it.”

Astra wished her heart wasn’t racing as quickly as it was. Her throat felt dry as she asked, “Is there anyone on the Waverider that you have a crush on?”

The look on his face matched that of a deer in headlights. Slowly, he nodded as he looked her way. “Yeah, I do. But don’t tell Zari, okay? She’ll never let me live it down.”

Astra nodded. “Can I ask who it is?”

Behrad looked nervous as he ran a hand through his hair. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before finally settling on a nod. As he worked on the courage to tell her who it was, Astra could feel the blood pounding in her ears as her hands shook with anticipation. But just before the words could come out, there was a shout of surprise as Spooner ran over.

“Guys, the trouble is here!”

Dammit, thought Astra angrily. She thought that she had a couple more minutes before the arrival of that buffoon. With a huff, she stood to her feet to help get rid of the nuisance when she saw with wide eyes that a large grotesque demon stood in front of them. This was not part of the plan. It turned its fiery red eyes in her direction and bellowed.

“ASTRA, I WILL MAKE YOU PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME!!”

Now, Astra had done a lot of really terrible things while she was the queen of hell. It’s not like she remembered every single one. That was the case with ugly over there. She didn’t recognize him at all, but he clearly knew who she was.

Spooner pulled out a massive ray gun and fire several bullets at the beast. Behrad hopped into action by activating his totem and blasting sharp gusts of wind. Astra wasted no time in shouting out an incantation, summoning an army of shadow monsters to fight under her command.

While it wasn’t easy, eventually the demon got sent back to hell. Astra felt very wobbly on her feet as the draining effect of magic took a hold of her. The last thing she was aware of was the two of them calling her name as she crashed to the ground.

XXX

When Astra came to, she was lying in the med bay. That wasn’t too surprising. What was surprising was her two guests.

Spooner and Behrad were both sitting next to the bed/resting spot/pod/whatever the hell you wanted to call this thing. Behrad was sleeping, his head lolled to the side as drool trailed down onto his shoulder. Spooner had been cleaning her knife when she realized that Astra woke up. She stomped on Behrad’s foot and instantly reached for her hand.

“Astra, are you feeling okay?” she asked tenderly.

Astra nodded, because she was pretty sure her voice wasn’t going to work at the moment.

Relief flooded both their eyes as Behrad scooted his chair closer. “Man, I’m so glad to hear that. The way you used magic was so badass, but when you feel I totally freaked out.”

Astra’s eyes flickered between the two of them and the conflict she felt instantly came back full throttle. How was she ever going to chose between the two of them? There was just no possible way. Astra in this very moment decided that she was going to never date either of them and just life the rest of her life out miserably.

She gently pulled her hand out of Spooner’s. Astra stared at the wall, not looking at either of them. Spooner and Behrad shared a look before Spooner poked Astra in the face. Hard.

“Ow!” Her hand went for her cheek. “What the hell was that for?”

“What’s going on?” Spooner’s tone left no room for argument.

“Nothin-” the look on both of their face shut her up.

“You can’t lie forever, Astra,” said Behrad calmly. “We aren’t leaving this room until you tell us what’s up.”

“I refuse,” she sneered.

“You made me do this,” said Spooner seriously. “Gideon, play ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ please.”

“As you wish, Ms. Cruz,” said Gideon’s voice over the intercoms. The Bonnie Taylor classic started blasting in the med bay. Worst of all, the two of them started to sing along to the torture. Astra only lasted 30 seconds before she begged them to stop, promising to tell them what they wanted to hear. The music shut off, leaving only heavy silence in its wake.

Astra clutched the arms of the chair and sent a prayer to her mother as she worked up her courage. “I…I like both of you.”

Behrad beamed. “Aw, I like both of you too!”

“Not like that!” snapped Astra. She sucked in a deep breath. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I meant I like both of you in a romantic way. Ava had planned this meeting so I could decide which one I wanted to date, but I now realize that it impossible. I’m sorry for putting us in danger.”

Astra was afraid to even look over, but she forced herself to do so. Spooner was watching her with a thoughtful expression while Behrad was still smiling. Astra was confused as to why he was until he reached for her other hand and grabbed Spooner’s too.

“Well, I know it’s a big commitment, but I’d be do down if all three of us dated,” he said cheerfully.

“HUH?” Astra was beyond confused. When she grew up, couples were just that: a couple. How did a relationship between three people even work? Was Behrad high?

But when Spooner gave an easy shrug and said, “I’d be willing to try if y’all are,” Astra was at a complete loss.

“Is…is that even allowed?” she hated how quiet her voice was.

“Yeah,” Behrad grinned. “I mean, polyamory is a thing, after all. If we all put in the work and promise to be honest with each other, I don’t see why we can’t make it work.”

Astra started at the two people who she adored more than nearly anything in the world in shock. They both were willing to do that for her? She leaned over and kissed Spooner first, not at all surprised to discover that her lips were chapped and dried. When she kissed Behrad, his lips were moister and softer. While both kisses were different on her lips, the excited jolt she felt from both of them was the same. Astra couldn’t believe her luck. She even giggled when the two of them kissed in front her.

Was this what love really felt like? Astra wasn’t entirely sure, and even though she was very nervous about it still, she was ready to see where this went.

#dc's legends of tomorrow #legends of tomorrow #lot #astra logue #spooner cruz #behrad tarazi #astra x spooner x behrad #writing #polyam relationship

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trifle-of-doom · 4 years

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The Hawk X Demetri Manifesto

Okay, here is the thing. Despite being well past my teens, there's a particular ship of Cobra Kai that has drawn my attention, this ship being Hawk/Eli x Demetri. When I first watched the show, I was actually more invested in the adult characters storylines than the teens. I immediately rooted for Johnny and Carmen, and I was always hoping for more interactions between them. But then I saw episode 2x05, in which the atmosphere between the Binary Brothers becomes way more dense, and that's when I started to see some potential for them. Not because I'm a deranged person who fosters abusive relationships, but because I immediately caught the hurt/comfort dynamic of the duo, which is something that works really well when it comes to fictional relationships. However, it wasn't until 3x10 that I said, "Ok, that's official, I need to see more of these two! I totally support them!" And I was quite surprised to find a fairly large amount of people who are very committed to this pairing, to the point it's caught the attention of the screenwriters/producers as well. Honestly, I don't know if the showrunners will ever have the guts to make them an official couple, and chances are their supporters will have to keep reading between the lines of their bromance, but in any case, here is my take on why Hawk/Eli x Demetri is an option worth to be considered.

#1 - The Bromance

If there's something that many years of navigating the Internet taught me, is that the main driving factor for fan-made ships is the presence of either a solid relationship based on mutual brotherly love or a bitter rivalry that may or may not flow into hate/obsession. If you consider anime fandoms, there are thousand examples that fit into either of these categories: Yugi and Jonouchi from the Yu-Gi-Oh series (yes, that's how old I am), Yugi and Kaiba from Yu-Gi-Oh, Sakuragi and Rukawa from Slam Dunk, Light and L from Death Note, etc. And our Hawk and Demetri fit into both categories. When we first see them, they are the stereotypical nerdy friends (possibly childhood friends?) sitting at the losers' table, who have no one else but each other. When Eli is at his most sensitive and fragile, you can tell he feels comfortable being with Demetri by the genuine smile he has on his face as Demetri is joking with Miguel at the canteen table. Through his sarcasm, the mouthy kid acts as a catalyst to deviate the attention from Eli, speaking for him, reprimanding Johnny when he makes fun of his lip and trying to make him feel safe. Besides, you can see a certain degree of frustration in Demetri when Kyler and his gang are harassing Eli, and he's unable to do anything to defend him. And they even have a jingle for their friendship with a robot dance, I mean, how cute is that? But of course, a solid friendship between two helpless nerdy guys is not enough to spark a ship to be rooting for. In order for the magic to happen, another key ingredient is needed, i.e. a little bit of angst. Which brings us straight to the next point.

#2 - The Angst (aka the Hurt/Comfort Dynamic)

Even though I never liked the Twilight saga or any similar urban fantasy young adult works, I can easily see where the appeal comes from; the attraction to a charming, dangerous person who could either protect you from any harm or crush you like grape. Although with different franchises, I wasn't immune to the bad boy trope either (Yes, I'm looking at you, my teenage self drooling over Grimmjow from Bleach). If we can appreciate the genuine, brotherly friendship between nerdy Eli and Demetri, the shift that Eli makes as he transitions into Hawk and becomes more aggressive and dominant gives their relationship a totally different flavor. Attrition sparks a certain tension that, in the viewer's eyes, could either flow into a brawl or into passion.

During the mall fight, Demetri comes to the realization that his former best friend is actually someone who can crush him like grape. We see Hawk intentionally harming him for the first time, and Demetri's heartbreaking expression as he drops the line: "You'd actually hurt me?" And if that line gave us a pang in our hearts when we first watched Season 2, imagine rewatching it now that we know what happens in Season 3. Demetri is chased down the mall, running for his life, and then he's locked in a grip, as his best friend menacingly advances towards him. Demetri appears as the damsel in distress, however his friend is not the one who will fight to protect him, but rather his tormentor.

During the party at Moon's, Demetri manages to briefly go through Hawk's mask and reach out to Eli, thanks to a casual conversation about Dr Who. But then the beer incident happens, and Demetri defends himself with the only weapon he has – his loudmouth. The situation is reversed, and for a brief moment, he gets to be the dominant one as he discloses all Eli's most intimate secrets. Demetri is now actively contributing to the Hurt/Comfort dynamic; he's no longer just a target, but he's doing his part to enlarge that gaping hole that has formed between them. And Hawk didn't take it well.

From this moment on, Demetri becomes a sort of obsession to Hawk, who hunts him down the school, teasing him and taunting him sadistically, like a serial killer from a horror movie, during the big fight. Of course, in real life, this would be completely insane, and the police/a social assistant/psychiatrist should be called, but in ShipLand, these situations are pure gold. Okay, we get it, Hawk wants to get revenge for the humiliation at the party, and he wants to crush that nerd part of himself he sees in Demetri, but he does it with such an intensity that it borders on ridiculous. It's like this is his twisted way to acknowledge Demetri's presence. Eventually, Hawk ends up smashed into the trophy case, and I confess I felt a little disappointed when Demetri broke that hug to give Hawk a roundhouse kick. I mean, it was a great comeback, but I was sincerely hoping for a "No hard feelings man, let's get outta here!" scenario.

Getting back to the sick and twisted way Hawk acknowledges Demetri's presence, he destroys his science project after he got jealous due to him being confident in his nerd self and laughing around with his ex girlfriend (whom the writers insist he still has a crush on). Speaking of Moon, I have a feeling she likes Hawk mostly based on his badass appearance. Remember when she goes "I like this (mohawk) and I love these (muscles), but I'm not dating a bully"?

Then the football match happens. Okay, let's break this down. Demetri trips Hawk and acts all sassy, and a fellow Cobra Kai is immediately ready to take him down, but Hawk stops him. "Fight smart, he says". Too bad that literally 5 seconds earlier he had shoved a kid to the ground just because his ex girlfriend (again, duuuh~) ignored him when he winked at her. And then, as he's trying to intercept the ball, BANG, Hawk hits Demetri, sending him to the ground, pretending it was an accident. So, what does this tell us? That Hawk has some serious anger management issues? Yeah sure, but also that he cares about fighting smart only as long as it serves as an excuse to leave Demetri for him, because he's his designated target. Again, this is all but romantic, and it doesn't necessarily have to be interpreted as him lusting after his friend, but it's undeniable that this dynamic offers a lot of ship fuel.

The arm breaking thing is just too painful to even analyze. We see a completely helpless Demetri begging for mercy to his ex best friend, who has made No Mercy his life motto. And that scream, oh that scream. All I wanted to see was Hawk realizing what he had done and throwing himself on his knees while begging for forgiveness. But I'm glad that at least we get to see he feels awful for what he's done, and I like to think that, as he got home, Eli cried out all the tears he had in his body thinking about poor Demetri at the hospital, with a swollen broken arm, all because of him. Of all the situations, this is undoubtedly the most deranged and extreme, and if something like this happened in real life, the wrongdoer would deserve to be punished and would definitely need to be sent to therapy. But in ShipLand, this opens the road to many, many different scenarios, in which the bully understands his mistakes and shifts back to the good side, or the two share a tender moment after they reconcile, or the traumatized character has to to learn to trust the other one again, or the bully becomes overprotective of his former victim, etc.

#3 - A Rewarding Reconciliation

Finally, we come to the reconciliation, in which Hawk makes his heel-to-face turn. While we've seen him torn with doubt for an entire season about his sensei's teachings, his actions and the people he wants to surround himself with, the key factor that drives Hawk's redemption is the sight of his best friend being held down for him to beat. And with an epic stunt and his awesome KEEEH screech, Hawk jumps to the rescue of his friend. Like many of us, Demetri thought this was still part of the "Only I Can Torment Him" dynamic I discussed earlier, as he steps backwards a little concerned, but then he understands that action was actually meant to save him, and the two begin to fight side by side, in sync, watching each other's back. You can see Demetri's eyes sparkling at the thought of having his friend back.

Also, not only Demetri stands up to alpha bitch Tory in defense of Eli, but he also speaks for his friend when he's faltering, just like he used to. So kudos for Demetri.

#4 - The Red Oni, Blue Oni Dynamic

Binary Brothers are two sides of the same coin and complete each other with opposite character traits, visually expressed by the color red and the color blue. Being the color red typically associated with violence, rage, passion and irrationality, as opposed to blue, which is associated with calmness, melancholy and rationality, red is clearly the dominant color. Again, this opens many interesting scenarios for shippers.

#5 - Body Language

Besides the situations I described above, which may or may not be read from a romantic/attraction standpoint, there are also a collection of small gestures I noticed when rewatching the series with a more attentive look on their relationship.

- Demetri's heart-broken expression when Eli shamefully covers his lip during the anti-bullying announcement.

- The smile Demetri gives when Hawk responds "Hell yeah!" after Aisha proposes to crash Yasmin's party, implying he's learning to embrace this new wild side of his best friend

- The astonished look with which Demetri watches Hawk at the tournament and the way he's pissed no one knows his real name.

- How deeply hurt Demetri is when Hawk belittles him by saying: "Five against three. More like two and a half." He even tries to reply, but he's caught so off guard that words die in his throat.

- How Demetri takes a step towards Hawk during the mall fight, before Sam makes him back off, and how sadly he looks at Hawk's nearly unconscious body after Robby defeated him.

- How Demetri smiles and nods when he briefly connects with Eli at Moon's party, despite the mall incident.

- How Hawk watches Demetri juggle with the cleaning product from behind his bike helmet (how did he stuff the mohawk in there by the way)?

- Hawk's psychotic/sadistic faces when he smells Demetri's blood, and how he likes to hunt him down like he's his prey.

- Hawk's secret impulse to comfort Demetri after the arm breaking (I hope you get nightmares of Demetri's howl of pain for the rest of your life, Hawk).

- The way Hawk twitches his upper lip when he sees his friend Demetri in danger.

- How Hawk and Demetri are so absorbed in their new-found friendship, that they're caught off guard, and Demetri swings Hawk to allow him to deliver a kick using their handshake as a lever. And how they keep fighting together, shaking each other's hands even when they're out of focus and the attention is on Miguel vs. Kyler.

- How they're standing so close at Miyagi Do, in comparison with the other Red/Blue partners.

In conclusion, this kind of relationships are engaging and entertaining to watch, and they make us wish the best for the characters. They make us hope that, in the end, as Miguel puts it, love really conquers all (and what is friendship if not a form of love?), despite all the hurt they did to each other.

So this is it. I hope you enjoyed my Ted Talk. Feel free to share it with whomever you want, especially if you need some solid reasons why this ship has got some good potential.

And remember: the ship is in the eye of the beholder.

#HawkMeat #Hawk x Demetri #Cobra Kai #Eli Moskowitz #Demetri #binary brothers

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elias-veturius-laia-of-serra · 4 years

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A Sky Beyond The Storm: SPOILERY Review

*!!BEWARE!! A Sky Beyond The Storm Spoilers below. And it’s not just a little of them. It is FULL BLOWN COMPLETE SPOILERS! SO BEWARE! DO NOT READ THIS REVIEW IF YOU HAVEN’T READ A SKY BEYOND THE STORM!*

[CAUTION] This is all my opinion so please don’t leave anything negative. Or send hate or think this is a welcome post to start arguing. I’m only posting this cause sadly my friends have not finished the book yet and it’s been five days since I’ve finished and I have yet to be able to explore how I fully feel about the book. Thankfully writing this tired me out and completely reflected everything I feel! It was the perfect outlet! I also wrote it all in one go just pouring all my emotions out so if the grammar is bad or some things don’t make sense. I’m sorry! I’ll be sure to edit this at some point ❤️

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Wow.

Five years. I had stuck to this series for five years and it’s always given me love, heartache, pain, loss, but most importantly hope.

I want to start off by talking about how happy I was with how Laia’s arc was handled. Usually when you have a “weak” and frightened protagonist their growth is mainly focused on how quick they can shed that image and because something else entirely. How they can become an ultra badass that is able to hack and slice through their enemies and become this killer warrior machine, but Laia Of Serra is not a killer. And that’s been reiterated throughout the books. She feels too much, cares too much, and loves too much. She mourns the for any lives lost even if it is the enemy. She hates taking lives cause she sees no reason to take one even if it is for the greater good. As shown in Torch and Sky, She cries after she accidentally that man. She’s wrecked with guilt when she accidentally kills that jinn. At the people who fall during this war. Laia Of Serra isn’t a killer. She’s hope. She’s love. She’s understanding. And many people do see that as weakness but I love that Laia is able to harness these emotions that make her human as use it as strength. That at the end of the day she isn’t a badass savage girl who lost everything and is out for blood. She’s still just Laia and I wouldn’t have it any other way! Being a big emotional scaredy cat I am I’ve never been able to relate to the big badass skilled warriors that can take down armies of men. I wish to be like them but the reality is I’m not. So I never thought I could see myself being a hero or doing any good if the time for me to be one ever came, but Laia really conveys that strength is more than just being able to shed blood and kill people. That it’s okay to cry, to be scared, to feel sad, and be insecure. Brown girls are always so used to being silenced and taught to behave in order to survive. That’s been our story for a long time but Laia was able to turn our meekness, our fragility, our fear, and our insecurities into something strong. Into something that moves her forward, that taught her how to fight, and that ultimately makes her victorious. The Her final scene with the Nightbringer was beautiful and utterly heartbreaking.

Which brings me to the Nightbringer. I used to hate him so much unable to understand him. I found his anger equivalent to that of an edgy teen that got told “No” too many times. But despite his cruelty book 4 really opened my eyes. Despite all the deaths and rage Sabaa has managed to also convey all his loneliness, his sadness, his hopelessness, his loss, and how all this pain had driven him to believe this was the only way he’d be able to be at peace. To get rid of the world that had been so cold to him. To get rid of a world that made him feel unaccepted and had taken away everything that mattered to him until all he had left was the broken pieces of himself with no one there to help him pick them up. I loved the Nightbringer here. I learned to respect him so much. He’s carried so much pain and loneliness for thousands of years in hopes to gain back what he has lost. I was finally able to sympathize with him and much like Laia - I didn’t hate him anymore. Couldn’t hate him. Of course what he did was wrong but it’s hard to wish more unfortunate things upon someone whose whole life has been nothing but misfortune. I loved his story with Rehmat. Their love though mentioned briefly was a beautiful thing and I found I wanted nothing more than him to be able to be with her again and to be able to feel that love again. I used to cringe and loathe the idea of Nightbringer and Laia being romantic but this book opened my eyes into seeing that that isn’t it at all. I mean yes he is in love with her but that’s just the kind of person he is. He loves. He’s the beloved. He has many loves. As his queen once said, he loves too much. So it isn’t about sparkly forbidden romance. It’s the fact that Meherya had love for all things and to be betrayed because of it had hardened his heart. Laia knows what this feels like. So to see her hold him and tell him it’s okay. That his feelings are valid and the world turned it’s back on him first, but he can’t blame all life for that. That she knows deep within him he still loves, he still hopes, and he must hold onto that. Skies, nearly made me cry. Then by the end when he is able to tell her goodbye with a hand to her cheek and she knows despite everything he still loves her - I nearly started bawling. Because he truly is the beloved and he did not deserve all those who took his love then basically spat in his face. I was happy to finally see him be able to reunite with Rehmat. His one true love and his only queen. Cause I know through her and finally leaving this world - he will be able to finally be at peace.

Now onto the next character. Elias. WHEEEEW! He was as cold as Sabaa promised. So distant and stoic. Reading about him through Laia’s P.O.V. was so heartbreaking. Yet reading through his was ALMOST worse. Where as Laia can’t find her Elias we are able to see little cracks of it. He still looks at her for too long. Lingers at the thought of her for too long. His heart beats faster when she is around when it shouldn’t. He remembers things he shouldn’t. Being around her is too hard because she is everything he had originally fought for. Inner Elias still sees her as his home and his freedom. However his cold demeanor was nearly too much for me! I even almost contemplated unstanning my favorite OTP in the world when he left her to the jinn. Though I think a lot of that mainly has to do with the fact cause we see how much he loves her. He’s risked so much for her so to see him abandon her was like a slap in the face and truly showed how much he has changed, but thankfully there was hundreds of pages left for him to make up for it. And of course in an Elias fashion he did. When the nightbringer had her captive he couldn’t get himself to leave her again. When he saw Laia scratched up after falling into a river and his thoughts immediately thought of ways to defeat this river (I cackled). When he told her he wouldn’t be able to help if she were to get in trouble trying to steal the Nightbringer’s scythe and yet he came in seconds the moment she called to him cause nothing else mattered as soon as he heard her voice. When Elias realized Mauth had completely weakened his first reaction was to run to Laia and while she had been frozen haunted by realizing what she had done it was Elias who ran in front of the storm to get her away from it and nearly sacrificing his life in order to keep her safe. I mean HOW CAN I NOT FORGIVE HIM AFTER ALL THAT!? I couldn’t stop the emotions running through when he was able to finally meet his father. When he was able to see the life he could’ve had if war and pain hadn’t tainted it. Then his final strive to live. Him fully coming back as Elias Veturius and chanting Always Victorious to come back to the world of the living. It was everything! Elias has been a death magnet throughout this series. His whole has made his hands drenched in blood and making him live a life so dirty that he believes at many moments is a life that isn’t worth living anymore. That he’s too damaged. Too callous. Too tainted to be considered worthy of anything, but in the end when the time came he pushed to life. He fought to be more than his mistakes. To be more than a symbol of death. He chose to live.

I will continue with the characters but here’s a short break to speak about my most prized possession: Elaia. So I already explained a good chunk in Elias’s snippet, but we ALL know they need their own portion for one to get their feelings out more clearly. Elias and Laia’s love as usual isn’t easy and broke me time and time again. One minute my heart flutters and I’m on the edge of my seat in hope and then the next it’s like I get a bucket of cold water dumped over my head. Their relationship was especially rough in the beginning. Elias pulled away consistently and though watching Laia try her hardest to break through was admirable it hurt all the more every time it failed. Yet even through all the hurt my heart still fluttered. The way she purposely said things, or did certain things, in order to get a rise out of him was such a delight to watch. Elias and his rocks ended with both Laia and I sad but I still can’t help how wholesome it felt to see them banter. Laia sitting on the boulder in the middle of his “workout”, him casually hoisting her over his shoulder, putting her down, and just to have her spring back up and follow him to continue the conversation. Who knew seeing two people talk about pets could get a giggle out of me. The last three hundred pages I’d say are the best. Cause this is when the Soul Catcher slowly begins to soften up. He lets himself care about Laia more. Lets himself get lost in her more. I had to put the book down after the mango scene just to catch my breath! I won’t lie and pretend I didn’t enjoy all the steamy scenes. I did and nearly fainted at every single one of them, but it was the soft moments between Soul Catcher and Laia that stood out the most. When she was sad and he’d hold her, the way he was so attached to the armlet that thought that he had lost it made him tear his cabin apart, when he went to find her to tell her to leave the waiting place but couldn’t help but stare at her instead, telling her he prefers being called Elias from her, still putting her first then then disguising it saying he is only doing it for his duty to the ghosts, and the way the old him springs up constantly whenever she’s around. Every little detail was a hit to the heart! Especially Laia telling Elias that he had no right to dictate her emotions. He has no right to tell her how to fell. She loves him and she finds him worthy of it and he cannot take that away. He can’t make her stop loving him. It was everything to see her always declaring how much she loved him seeing as she never got to at the end of Reaper. And now she won’t let him stop hearing it. Won’t let him not know it or forget it. Even their sex scene felt more than just steamy smut. It was so wholesome as they laughed together for the first time in a long time, the way he saw her as perfect, and by the end of it to have Laia speak about how she wanted everything with him forever. It made their ending all the more sweeter. I had made so many jokes before SKY about them finally being able to do it, about them practically being married, the wooden armlet being an engagement ring, and them being endgame and hoping that at least one of these would come true. Little did I know every single one would. Little did I know that the ending I have been hoping for but was 99% sure I’d never get was exactly what I’d get and more. Sabaa Tahir has truly spoiled me and I don’t deserve it but I will thank her a million times for it!

Next Character: Helene. Oh boy. Unpopular opinion but I had a strong dislike for Helene for a long time. I thank Sabaa for giving her a P.O.V. though. Cause without it all I and many others would see is colonizer and oppressor. Evil. Wrong. Wicked. I hated Helene in the first book. Tolerated her in the second. Found her likeable in the third. Then ultimately fell in love with her in the fourth. I found book 4 Helene to be the very best Helene she could be. Her finally letting her emotions break through is what ended up captivating me. Her scene as she slayed Karkauns all the while crying gave me chills in REAPER. THAT to me was strength . THAT was what reminded me as badass as Helene is she’s still human. She falters, she makes mistakes, she cries, she wins, she loses, and it isn’t power that ultimately drives her. For her too it is love. Love for family, love for friends, and love for her people. Her friendship with Laia made my heart bloom. I wish we could’ve had more of it! I also wish we could’ve seen it develop more but I also understand that this is the last book and I’d rather spend it seeing two queens getting along then bicker like they had been in the last three books. I loved watching them tease each other, them grin while talking about blasted men, Helene feeling like she can stand taller when Laia compliments her, and Laia ultimately being the first scholar to hail her as Empress. And all her fighting scenes!? BEST FIGHTING SCENES I’VE EVER READ! Helene is ruthless, she is brutal, she isn’t afraid to be stained in blood, and will defeat anyone in her way. I found myself so excited in my reread when I saw I was approaching those scenes. She is flawless in battle and I found myself completely entrapped by her. Slicing off heads, arms, and striding into every battle with her head held high. I was about ready to fight Harper to let her be with me instead! Her P.O.V.s had actually been my least favorite through book 2 and 3. Book 4 made me so happy that I got to go from chapter to chapter like: Oh yay! Laia! Oh yay Elias! Oh yay! Helene! I was able to be excited throughout the whole thing knowing each character was going to give me something good! Also I found her a lot funnier this time around! And Lord knows how I love my women bossy, sarcastic, and blunt. I know a lot of people are angry about her ending. I was deeply saddened by it too. I used to think as a colonizer serves her right to lose everything! Why should I feel bad when she’s scoffed at the lives of the scholars and shrugged her shoulders at slavery for the longest time but of course that ended up biting me in the ass. I understand Sabaa’s reasoning. Helene has took for the longest time. So now it has come full circle for her to experience what that feels like for the other side. All those scholars who too lost a sister, brother, mother, father, and lover that she took away without a second glance when oppressing them. I loved that Sabaa protrays it in a way that before as someone who despised her, I can’t even be happy about it. Instead I am empty. Lost. Hurt. It shows all the more how useless war and vengeance is. We think more deaths and kills will make us feel better. It does not. Instead I found myself days later still haunted by what happened between her and Avitas. And now I wish nothing more but Helene to find happiness. To have more days laughing with Laia and reluctantly letting her braid her hair and dress her up. More teasing and reminiscing between her and her once best friend, Elias. And possibly something new and exciting and fulfilling with Musa. (Which I will touch on in it’s own paragraph haha)

Next: Avitas. Hmmm. Here’s the thing. I don’t hate Avitas. His moments with the shrike were meaningful and his presence is what ultimately led to breaking through her hard exterior. He taught Helene how to be just a girl again. How to feel without being weak. How love can be strength. I loved that he was able to bring out a more vulnerable side of her and show to her that it wasn’t a weakness. Every part of her is strong. Every part of her is beautiful. Every part of her he loves. That moment especially when she declares herself as broken and his eyes are wet with tears feeling for her. That he tells her being broken cannot stop her. It just makes her all the more of a force to reckon with. He was exactly what Helene needed in this time of war. Exactly what she needed to stay tethered to the world and faithful to herself. Sadly however I couldn’t get myself to connect with him. He was so reserved, so quiet, and so serious most of the time. It was hard to gather much from him. The little cracks of his demeanor whenever he was around Helene helped soften me. His fierce loyalty to her alone and understanding that a girl like her doesn’t need protection. She can very well take care of herself but it wasn’t about that. He just loved her too much to ever stop worrying. It ached something fierce within me. His death also haunted me for days and still does. Though I think it did hurt a little less cause I wasn’t attached to him. It was hard to considering how little I feel I still know about him and his thoughts and feelings. Plus his final scene with Elias at the waiting place brought me peace. He died for the person he loved and now he gets to reunite with his family. He wanted to leave and so he did. May Avitas Harper rest in peace and never be forgotten.

Next: Darin. His death ruined me. He was the sole purpose Laia went on this journey in the first place. He was the first person to always believe in her. He was the only family she (thought) she had left. He was one of Laia’s biggest fans and nothing else mattered more to him than her. He based so much of his life pushing Laia forward and encouraging her and getting her to laugh again even during the darkest of times. The way he pinched her cheeks before bidding her goodbye, the way he went back to find Laia and fight beside her, the way he teased her about Elias making the both of us laugh, and how even in his final moments before crossing over he wanted to know how his sister was doing. If she had won. Then being able to pass in peace proudly when he found out that she had. And his final words telling Elias that if there’s one person who can make up for all the love she’s lost it’s him. He will be missed greatly. So much so!

Next: Faris. Faris has been here since the beginning His last scene with the shrike also ruined me. I had to put the book down cause I was so hurt. Faris was a giant teddy bear always spewing jokes and being a clueless but brave boy. To see him go down like that though admirable still broke me nonetheless. Especially despite knowing a lot about them I loved him and Dex very much! I also thought maybe him and Livia could have their own happy ending, but I hoped too hard ):

Next: Livia. I bet you can guess this hurt very much as well. I loved Livia so much. She was such a powerful girl thrust into this world of politics and tyrants and held her own. My love first ignited in Reaper and only shined brighter in SKY. My jaw dropped and once again the book went down when Keris killed her. I was so broken. She was so full of life, witty, brave, sweet, and just as fierce as her sister. I wished she could’ve stayed!

Next: Musa. My FAVORITE secondary character in the whole series. Words cannot describe how much I love Musa and it saddens me to see that he is so underrated. Though I’m happy that even Sabaa says that he is one of her favorites! Musa was a light in every dark moment. I’m always a sap for handsome snarky sarcastic comedic relief characters with a tragic past. I loved that he was the one to always joke first despite how much he hurts. That he was the one always encouraging those around him to fight for love even though he lost his. I loved that he called Laia little sister and how his mere presence around her could make Elias go feral. Surprisingly most of all I loved his relationship with Helene.

Now here is yet another break from character talk to talk about another pair. Musa and Helene. I know it’s wrong. Helene had just lost Avitas and they are two broken people right now. But like said just for a moment, together, they make a whole. I never even thought of a possibility between the two. It felt so random. Awkward even. Though upon my reread I can see the little hints. Musa and Helene practically spend most of the book at each other’s side. They fight together, they encourage each other, they argue, and they see each other. Two people always putting on a brave face no matter how much they hurt. I was surprised to feel myself smiling at their bickering. Helene tends to be an uptight stoic person but around Musa she can’t help but smile and laugh as easy as it is to breathe. The way she endearingly considers him pretty. Around Musa she can’t help but talk about her feelings and him to her. The way she held his hand when they found out about Nikla’s death and how even when Harper went to talk to him he still wouldn’t let go of her. And their final scene together at the end of SKY. SO MANY FEELS! I CAN’T HELP THE FLUTTER OF HOPE I FEEL! Their bickering even cuter! Their vulnerability to each other even more powerful! All the while still respecting their past loves and understanding they can still mourn and yet live and strive for more. Absolutely perfect! Seeing Helene not close herself up after yet again losing in love was such a beautiful thing to me. Her telling Musa she’d like it if he stayed and him obviously happy about it but feigning arrogance instead is so him it only makes me love him more. Makes me love them more. Makes me hope! This could just be Sabaa testing the waters but Helene does still owe him a favor and I hope to the skies above Sabaa will be giving us that tale soon!

Next Character: Keris. I loved how she was handled as well. Learning about her past explained so much and yet erased nothing. I loved being able to learn more about her. I loved being able to see all the suffering she went through that we didn’t know about that turned shaped her into the cruel person she is today. How some of her actions still can’t be fully understood cause Keris herself probably doesn’t understand it either. I love that we are able to see her point of view and understand het and yet it’s plainly obvious that Keris has made her grave. Now it’s time for her to lie in it. It’s such a painful yet satisfying thing to see her reunite with her mother’s ghost. To be confronted by all her misdoings as Karinna looks at her in hope and then disdain upon seeing all the blood on her hands. From then she is unable to see her as her daughter leaving Keris ultimately alone and to confront all the wrongs she had cause to get to where she is. I felt it more fitting that Mirra killed her. Marcus is the one who took the Bloodshrike’s family away from her so it is only fair that Helene got to kill him. While Keris is the one who tortured Cook and her family. Forced Mirra’s hand to kill her own family just so they won’t have to suffer under Keris anymore. So it felt right to me that Mirra finally got to have the last word. I also loved how Mirra was able to take away all of Keris’s pain until she was reduced to nothing but a girl again before she was tainted. Then ultimately passed on. I found this a incredibly satisfying end to her arc.

Lastly: Mirra. I LOVED that Mirra was able to come back. I LOVED that Sabaa wasn’t cruel enough to leave Laia alone. Since Helene had baby Zacharias. Elias has Quin. Laia would’ve had no one. And I loved that Elias and Helene teared up also happy to see that Laia still had one person left. I loved that cook admits to her faults and how broken she herself is. How vengeance took over her and led her astray. But there is no one she loves more in this world than Laia. That she will fight everything and anyone just to ensure Laia will have a place in this world. I also loved her sense of humor. Had me cackling when she demanded Mauth to come talk to her and when she casually calls Elias her son in law. I loved her teaming up with the Bloodshrike! I love the big reveal leading up to it. It was all just so perfect for me!

In conclusion: Do I have my criticisms? Yes. There are a few things I wish to change. I thought Keenan was mentioned too much in the beginning. I found their relationship especially in book 2 very unhealthy so to hear her mention it and him as something to miss made me quite uncomfortable. Though I suppose it’s also just the thought of missing an ally and a friend cause there was a time where she had no one but Keenan to rely on. I wish we could’ve had more Helene and Laia scenes! Seeing her smile in a long time because Elias and Laia had their happy ending did wonders to my soul! I wish we could’ve had more scenes of Elias, Laia, and Helene all working together. I wish we could’ve had more scenes of Elias and Laia fighting side by side. Especially since I’ve always wanted scenes of them fighting together. The ones we got in SKY were EVERYTHING! I just wish we could’ve had more of that instead of them walking in the forest and pages of him being cold to her. I wish Avitas and Elias could’ve bonded more. To see them two be so reserved and yet so happy to be able to meet was such a gift. And yet they only fully spoke in two scenes ): I wish Darin and Laia got to spend more time together. I wish Laia could’ve gotten more scenes with her scythe. Or that we could’ve gotten more scenes of Laia with her bow and arrows. However these are minor things and do not take away much from my overall feeling for this book.

Which is I am in love with this book. It is my new favorite book of all time. Of any other book ever. I think it is the best book in the series and the fact that Sabaa is so proud of it and says it’s the best book she ever wrote. I can’t help but agree and give A Sky Beyond The Storms a sky full of stars. The ending is everything I’ve ever wanted and so much more. It makes saying goodbye hurt less knowing my faves are alive, happy, and have finally found a place to call home. I love that we end off on Elias and Laia getting engaged and walking off to get ready to start a new life together. I couldn’t of asked for a better ending. Sabaa really outdid herself and I hope she gets all the praise and all the awards for this divine book and her flawless story telling. Truly one of the best Kehannis out there ❤️

#A Sky Beyond The Storm

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thatsamericano · 4 years

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Temptation Is Not An Island (But Alfred Wouldn’t Be Tempted Anyway)

Pairing/Characters/Genre: America/Romano that is probably one-sided at this point, with an appearance from Canada. Cankraine and Romano/an OMC are mentioned. This is a human AU.

Rating/Warnings: Rated Teen. Warnings for discussion of infidelity and briefly depicted unhealthy alcohol use.

Word Count: 2003

Summary: The day before Valentine’s Day, Alfred is hanging out with his brother and watching reality TV to distract himself the fact that Savino is probably doing something romantic with his boyfriend. But when his best friend suddenly shows up at his apartment out of the blue, Alfred’s February 13th plans change.

Notes: Written for @hetaliancupid-hetaliaevent‘s Day 6 prompt, Hug.

Alfred was not looking forward to Valentine’s Day this year. Part of it was that he was single as hell. He’d accepted that he was on the aromantic and asexual spectrums a while ago, but Valentine’s Day always made him feel weird, like he was supposed to have a romantic partner because that’s what society expected of him. This year he was particularly lonely because his best friend Savino, the only person he’d ever had romantic feelings for, would be spending the day with his stupid boyfriend Nathaniel. Nathaniel had always rubbed Alfred the wrong way, and not just because he was jealous of his relationship with Vinny (though that was admittedly part of the problem). Alfred had tried to be friendly to the guy, but he could tell Nathaniel was only bothering to acknowledge Alfred’s existence because Vinny was around. He wouldn’t even let Alfred give him a nickname and insisted on being called Nathaniel in full. Alfred thought Savino could do loads better. If he didn’t want to be with Alfred, he could at least be with someone who wasn’t such a complete tool.

Matthew knew that Alfred would be having a hard time this year, so he came over on February 13th to spend some quality time with his brother. He would obviously be spending the next day with his girlfriend Kateryna, and Alfred didn’t begrudge him that. It was really nice of Mattie to come over so close to Valentine’s Day and try to cheer him up. Watching reruns of Temptation Island wasn’t normally Matthew’s idea of a good time, but he put up with it because Alfred wanted to watch a silly reality show instead of thinking about whatever Savino was doing with his boyfriend.

They were in the middle of an episode when, out of nowhere, they suddenly heard a strange noise at the front door of the apartment. It sounded like someone was trying to get in, but that didn’t make sense. Alfred had never bothered to change the locks after Vinny moved out to live with his boyfriend, but there was no way he should be here right now.

Vinny shoved open the door, dropped a duffle bag by the entrance, and then slammed the door shut behind him. “You know I kept reminding you to change the fucking locks, but I guess it’s a good thing you were too lazy to do that. Where the hell do you keep your wine?”

Alfred was baffled, to say the least. “I, uhh… don’t think I even have wine anymore? I’m pretty sure you took it all when you moved out, and I’m not much of a drinker. But there’s some beer in the fridge. Gil left it when he came over a few days ago.”

“Fine. I’ll have the albino bastard’s beer.” He stomped over to the kitchen, obviously in a foul mood, and Matthew put the TV on mute and leaned over to whisper to his brother.

“Didn’t you say he’d be with his boyfriend right now?”

Alfred nodded. “I thought he would be.”

Matthew frowned thoughtfully. “I think something bad must’ve happened with him and Nathaniel. Savino is acting a lot more pissed off than normal.”

Alfred sighed. “I think you’re right, Mattie. I’ll go talk to him and see what it is.”

When he got to the kitchen, Savino was slugging down a bottle of Gilbert’s expensive, imported German beer like it was water and he’d just gone on a five-mile run in the August heat.

Alfred cautiously approached him. “Wow, I… uh, didn’t know you liked beer so much, dude.”

“I don’t,” Savino snapped. “I just needed something to wash out the taste of my boyfriend fucking cheating on me like the lowlife sack of shit he is.”

Alfred’s face fell. “Vinny—”

Savino set the beer down on the counter so he could use both hands to gesture as he ranted. “You saw us together, Alfredo. Tell me, did I strike you as a bad boyfriend? Did I mistreat or neglect Nathaniel in any way?”

“No, no you didn’t.” Savino had been affectionate and loving towards Nathaniel, so much so that it could turn Alfred’s stomach at times. The envy he’d felt, and that hopeless wish to be in Nathaniel’s place, was what had clued Alfred in to the fact he didn’t just see Vinny as a friend. But by the time he had figured that out, Alfred couldn’t say anything because Savino was happy and he and Nathaniel were in a serious, committed relationship. He couldn’t say anything then, and he definitely couldn’t say anything now after Savino had just had his heart broken.

Mostly, he felt immense sympathy towards Savino, which is the emotion one should feel when a friend’s boyfriend turns out to be a disloyal asshole. But there was a tiny piece of Alfred’s heart that found Savino’s complicated hand gesturing cute, even though that was a completely inappropriate thing to notice in this situation.

“Then tell me why the fuck that testa di minchia decided to start sexting another guy!” Savino shouted. “And then he had the nerve to get angry at me for ‘snooping’ through his phone! I only checked because I happened to see a suspicious message pop up on the screen while he was out of the room! Can you believe that bullshit?!”

“It was totally normal for you to check his phone if you saw something weird,” Alfred said. “He shouldn’t have been sexting with someone else anyway.” Seriously, what the hell was wrong with Nathaniel? Couldn’t he keep it in his pants for five goddamn minutes, especially when he had someone like Savino to come home to? Alfred would give anything to have the relationship with Savino that Nathaniel had so carelessly disregarded, and he would never even think of cheating. He had never really understood why people would feel tempted to cheat, because Vinny was the only person he’d ever been attracted to that way. That’s why he had decided to watch Temptation Island, because a bunch of horny, straight allosexuals who couldn’t keep it in their pants was weirdly amusing to him.

But he was far from amused when someone he cared about got cheated on. He could tell that Savino was deeply hurt by his boyfriend’s betrayal, even if he was trying to conceal it by pretending he only felt outrage.

“I just… I can’t figure out why he’d do that to me. If he was unhappy, he should’ve said something or just dumped me! That would have been so much better than this.” Savino looked away, but not before Alfred noticed tears forming in his beautiful hazel eyes. “I hate him. I hate him so goddamn much.”

Alfred stepped in closer and opened up his arms in invitation. “C’mere, Savi.”

Savino hugged him, burying his head in Alfred’s shoulder and squeezing his arms around him tightly. Alfred returned the embrace and started to rub gentle circles over Savino’s trembling shoulder blades, and that made him break down into heartbroken sobs.

“That fucker knew! He knew the issues I have with my self-esteem, and then he went and fucked somebody else! I loved him, and he made me feel like a pile of stinking garbage!”

Alfred glared past Savino at the kitchen cabinets, but in his mind, he was glaring at the shithead who dared to make his best friend cry. “Want me to kill him for you?”

Savino laughed, even though Alfred hadn’t been entirely joking. (Murder was pretty extreme, but he wouldn’t mind beating the shit out of Nathaniel to teach him a lesson.) “That’s okay. I broke his phone while I was screaming at him. Not on purpose, but when he tried to defend himself, I was so goddamn furious I threw it to the ground and stomped on it. He seemed pretty scared of me after that. I don’t think he’ll be bothering me again.”

Alfred smirked a little at how badass Savi had been. Woe to anyone who betrayed his trust the way Nathaniel had.

“In that case, I’m just gonna keep holding you until you’re ready for me to let go.” Honestly, if the circumstances were better, Alfred wouldn’t mind holding Savino like this for the rest of his life. His body ran a little warmer than average, he smelled like an Italian herb garden mixed with expensive cologne, and the size difference made him fit perfectly into Alfred’s arms. Alfred liked hugging anyone he was reasonably close to, but he’d never enjoyed hugging anyone else as much as he did Savino.

“I’m not done yet. I’m feeling pretty worthless, and I’m not ready to face the world yet.” But his heavy sobs had already softened into gentle weeping, so he would probably let go soon. “I think I got snot on your shirt. Sorry about that.”

“Eh, that’s okay. I got it from Walmart, so it’s not like you have to worry about ruining something that cost a lot of money.”

Savino chuckled, and then he lifted his head away from Alfred’s shoulder with a hint of a smile. “Good thing you’re such a cheapskate then.”

“Guess so.” Alfred just didn’t care much about clothing. He had a few more expensive things in his closet that he wore if he had to be somewhere fancy, but when he was at home, he preferred t-shirts and jeans. He prioritized comfort over fashion.

Savino started to pull away, and Alfred dropped his arms, ignoring the pang of regret that accompanied his absence. “Is it okay if I spend the night here? I don’t exactly have a place to stay right now since I obviously won’t be living with my ex anymore.”

“You can move back in,” Alfred told him. “I didn’t get another roommate, so your room’s still available. And to be honest, I kind of missed having you around.” More like pined pathetically for the days they used to live together, but Savino didn’t need to know that right now.

“I kind of missed living with you too, idiota.” He sighed and glanced in the direction of the living room. “We probably need to go out there and let Matthew know what’s going on, huh?”

“I think he might have overheard everything. You were yelling pretty loud.”

“I did,” Matthew confirmed from the other room. “I’m sorry your boyfriend cheated on you, Savino. It wasn’t right.”

“Thanks,” Savino replied. He picked up his beer and started to walk out to the living room, and Alfred followed him.

Matthew had gotten off the couch, which would be too small to fit three people, and sat down in a nearby armchair. He shot Savino a sympathetic look as they entered the room, and Savino sat down on the couch. Alfred took a seat right next to him, and Savino sipped at his beer, but a more normal, less concerning rate.

“Do you want to watch something on TV? It might help you get your mind off things.”

Savino shrugged. “I don’t have enough energy to focus on a complex plotline. You can watch whatever the fuck you want.”

Alfred picked up the remote, turned the sound back on, and quickly switched to a news channel. Savi had said he could watch whatever he wanted, but a reality show about people “testing” their relationships and frequently hooking up with attractive strangers would be incredibly insensitive after what Savi had just gone through.

After a bit of browsing, he settled on one of those cooking competition shows he knew Savino enjoyed. Thirty minutes into the program, Savino had gotten invested enough to start pointing out the mistakes the contestants were making and talking to the television as if it could respond to his commands. Alfred exchanged an amused, fond glance with Mattie, who grinned at him. He knew Savino wasn’t all better and that he would need time to get over Nathaniel, but Alfred was glad to see Savino acting a little more like his normal self.

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eponinemylove · 5 years

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aftg tattoo/flower shop au

@essence-29

so it’s wymack’s parlor and he still technically runs it and everything but he’s tired most of the time and he lets kevin pretty much take over

kevin has almost no tattoos himself except one he got that he deeply regrets (in my mind it’s bc riko was his piece of shit ex boyf and pretty much made him get it, but however u want to imagine the backstory of this tattoo is up to you)

anyway he runs the shop with his dad. matt, renee, and seth all work there

andrew runs the flower shop around the corner (managed by betsy). he could not give less of a damn about the parlor tbh. he barely noticed it existed

he’s more of a piercings guy anyway but it’s not like he’s against tattoos

at least, he didn’t care about the parlor until him and renee became friends

i imagine they met at the flower shop when she came in and ordered some for allison. maybe they started seeing each other around more and more, and you know how andrew makes friends. he probably followed her to work one day and they went from there.

either way they’re besties and they work on the same block. so andrew goes in and out of the tattoo parlor fairly often to pick up renee or have lunch.

him and kevin obviously run into each other at some point, probably more often than not

at first they ignored each other’s presence but then andrew started to notice kevin

tattoo artist without (many) tattoos? interesting. he won’t talk about the tattoo he does have? very interesting. he flinched when someone dropped a glass of something and it shattered? now you have his attention

and of course kevin can’t help but notice the hot, 5-foot-nothing guy who comes in at least once a week to harass his patrons and distract his employees

both of which are definitely crimes andrew commits regularly around the parlor

andrew invites kevin out for drinks one night after they’ve been noticing each other for a while. it’s not flirtatious or romantic, but it does feel... weighted. kevin goes. renee and the others are there too, vaguely, but he still manages to end up spending most of the night alone with andrew

they talk. a lot. it’s really slow going because neither one of them particularly feels like talking, but they do. or they come to a mutual understanding at least

they have a weird relationship after that that none of kevin’s friends or andrews relatives can even pretend to understand, but you know what? whatever. they’re KevinAndAndrew

i don’t want to say they’re attached at the hip, but they totally are. anywhere kevin is, andrew follows, especially if kevin is drinking. and they’re not even nice to each other. that’s the confusing part for the others. just looking at them, you wouldn’t even think they were friends, much less maybe-kind of-dating?

so this goes on for a couple of months, and just when everyone thinks they’re getting used to it, neil comes in

literally no one was ready for him. he shows up at the tattoo parlor one day and just applies for a job. no resume, no interview. straight up walks up to the front desk and asks for a job

kevin wants to throw him on his ass but matt says the least they could do was interview the guy

(neil probably looks all kinds of a mess. not like insane or dirty, but just generally disheveled and exhausted and... neil. he looks like neil)

kevin still thinks this is a waste of time, but he lets neil show him what he’s got

no one was expecting neil, but they definitely weren’t expecting him to be so goddamn good

it’s hard to tell if he’s a natural or has actually had years of hardwork and practice, but he’s an amazing artist and he knows his way around a needle

so they hire him.

matt becomes quick friends with neil. seth and neil don’t get along, per se, but they’re almost the exact same brand of asshole so there is a sort of solidarity between them

renee obviously is nothing if not entirely pleasant to neil, but he still has issues trusting her

and kevin? well kevin kind of hates his newest hire

he complains to andrew about him nonstop. about how he’s stupidly talented and a complete bastard and gets along with people but in a chaotic sort of way that makes kevin anxious and annoyed and

kevin has a lot to say and andrew is more than inclined to listen

it’s a surprise to no one when andrew is in the parlor the next day, scoping out neil for himself

oh, and i should mention that neil has literally NO tattoos. not even one. (his mother would never allow something so easily recognizable)

neil barely notices andrew until he confronts him after his shift. i don’t know what he would say, but it would go pretty much like how their meeting went in the books, just probably without the racquet

a fight immediately breaks out that matt and kevin have to break up. renee knows better

yeah neil and andrew don’t get along

andrew is very interested though. so he does what andrew always does. he gets nosy. and personal. and mean

it takes him a surprisingly long time to find any information on neil. he thinks it might be a fake name and kevin assures him that it’s definitely likely, which helps exactly none.

eventually the only thing he manages to gather is that neil has one hell of a temper and could start a fight in an empty room. he also won’t take any shit from anyone, whether it’s from andrew or some random Karen screaming at one of his coworkers for giving her daughter a tattoo she didn’t approve of. he can and will tear someone to shreds, and as much as kevin hates it (“Neil that’s bad for business, you can’t verbally abuse the clients”), andrew is very amused

kevin secretly also really likes neil. it’s hard not to—he says everything kevin wouldn’t dream of and sees through all of kevin’s bullshit. also he’s ridiculously hot and incredibly good at his job, and there’s nothing kevin appreciates more than talent and competence

after, idk, a month? of getting nowhere to unraveling neil’s past, andrew invites him for drinks.

kevin is there of course and pre-approved the decision. matt comes along bc he doesn’t trust andrew in the slightest and he loves neil. renee is there to make sure no one actually gets murdered. seth just shows up bc he thinks something funny might happen, like another fight

not strictly relevant, but allison, dan, and nicky working at the bar/club they frequent??? a Concept.

andrew and kevin are both pretty surprised to find out that neil doesn’t drink. they try and “convince” him otherwise, but neil refuses and short of drugging him, there’s not really anything they can do

nothing really happens the first couple of hours. nicky flirts with neil a couple of times, neil doesn’t notice, the usual. things take a turn when neil spots kevin’s tattoo. other than that, the night was a bust

since this is an au, idgaf what’s in their past. reader interpretation, use ur imagination, go crazy. however, whatever kevin was involved with, neil was somehow tangled up in too. that part stays the same

he doesn’t mention it

and then, of course, he mentions it

it’s not on purpose or in anyway eloquent. they probably get into some sort of fight while closing up and it just slips out

there’s a moment of “oh shit”, the complete understanding that passes through the two of them

they don’t mention it

except they do, because andrew finds out

he and neil have a another “talk” bc yeah andrew might run the flower shop, but if neil brings trouble from kevin’s past back to him now, when he’s doing so much better, andrew can and will actually commit homicide

and that’s the start of their relationship!

well, no, not really. neil still takes a while to warm up to them, and a while longer to start feeling any sort of romantic attraction to them. and of course that’s after he realizes they’re even a couple, because trust me, with those two is always questionable whether or not they’re even friends. or acquaintances. or on speaking terms

also they have to eventually talk about everything. set boundaries, clear the air. neil gives them piece by piece looks into his past. it’s slow work, but it’s a little bit of trust given by someone who has never trusted anyone before.

yeah so anyways everyone thought KevinAndAndrew was confusing? well they don’t know what the fuck is going on with KevinAndAndrewAndNeil

what they do know is that kevin and neil do some of the best tattoos in the country. what they do know is that andrew and neil take smoke breaks together in the back alley, halfway between their two shops. what they do know is that andrew and kevin have adopted neil into their relationship and the three of them are so close-knit, it almost becomes impossible to find one away from the others at any given moment

what they do know is that at least twice a week, the short, blond, very scary flower-shop guy walks into a tattoo parlor and a 6-foot tall intimidating tattoo artist and 5’3 ginger with a sharp tongue and sharper attitude immediately stop what they’re doing and go meet him

that’s pretty much it. scary blonde who sells roses for a living falls for scary tattoo artist who doesn’t seem to believe in tattoos. both these idiots then fall for the (not at first glance) scary new guy who is obviously trouble, because this is a tatto/flower shop au, and everyone loves the broken badass with a heart of gold.

there’s something to be said here about the most intimidating and kick-ass power couple (throuple?) ever

also it’s funny bc based on appearances alone, everyone expects neil to run the flower shop, and kevin and andrew to do tattoos. boy are they in for a surprise though, because andrew knows every single flower you could ever think of sticking in a bouquet, and neil could operate a tattoo gun blindfolded

ALSO they all get matching tattoos at some point bc they’re idiots and in love and it probably has a whole crap ton of heartfelt meaning that i don’t want to explain bc i feel like i’ve rambled forever at this point and still said nothing significant

oh and neil 100% gives kevin a coverup, replacing his old tattoo with something else.

there’s all kinds of plants decorating the parlor courtesy of andrews shop, and neil and kevin design andrew’s logo

and betsy makes everyone flower crowns at some point. andrew refuses to acknowledge it i’m any way, but dutifully wears it regardless. neil wears it to work the entire day, and after hangs it in his office-thing. whatever tattoo parlors have. kevin straight up refuses to wear it but neil wears him down and he puts it on for like 20 minutes. there’s even pictures to prove it

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silverbastardgoldenfool · 4 years

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Realm of the Quarantine Reread End-of-Book Questionnaire: Royal Assassin

Any differences between your first/previous reading experience and this one?

Not as stark a difference as with Assassin’s Apprentice, but definitely still there. Apart from all the obvious stuff, like feeling much more attached to the characters already and picking up more details, I think the biggest change was a complete lack of patience for the teen romance drama lol. There was a decent period where I was feeling quite frustrated with it. Not that I loved it the first time round, but back then I had a very different view of how it fit into the story. I saw it as teaching Fitz a depressing lesson of what it really means to be a royal bastard and a king’s man. Fitz’s literal need (for all he knows he would have been killed if not for his deal with Shrewd) and sense of duty to put his loyalty to his king and country first creates a relationship that is toxic, turbulent and built on lies. And teenage horniness masquerading as love. I saw all that the first time and thought it was just something he had to go through. Now I know it’s something he never really goes through but rather grips onto, romanticises and ultimately goes back to. I know the point of that is meant to be that he finally gets to have something for himself, but why it had to be Molly specifically??? I have very few qualms with Robin’s writing choices overall, but why she chose to write their relationship this way if they really are meant to be is beyond me, especially when so many of her other romances are written so well - it feels like it can’t possibly be unintentional. For most of this book they’re either fighting or fucking and honey! That ain’t love! Hell, Fitz all but sees her as just another demand on his time as the book goes on. But he can’t let her go because she’s the one thing he can point to that makes him feel normal. Not happy, not cherished, not safe. Normal. She’s simply a refuge from his real life. He literally says to Chade “I need her.” I find that so telling, man. It’s not really about her, which is a shame because Molly is great. They’re just really not good for each other.

So yeah. It’s just kind of trying to read all the Fitz/Molly stuff when you know and don’t like what it ultimately culminates in. At the same time… Bee… So I will always be conflicted lol. I just can’t separate the events of Royal Assassin from the furious disappointment I felt when I finished Fool’s Fate. Perhaps I’ll have a new Fool’s Fate experience this time that will make the next re-read a bit easier in regards to Fitz and Molly? But I won’t bet on it lol.

Anyway. It’s not as if I haven’t already said just about everything there possibly is to say about Fitz and Molly yet I also feel like I could go on about it forever. Luckily this is kind of as bad as it gets in terms of how much “screen time” they actually get (apart from Fool’s Assassin maybe? But they don’t bother me too much in that) so yay! I made it! And hopefully it’ll be a good few books before y’all have to endure my ranting about it again :)) Also hopefully this doesn’t give the impression that this read was more bad than good? It was mostly just a particular angsty chunk before they properly get together that was a bit of a slog to get through, but overall I really loved reading this book again and got a lot out of it.

Something you can’t believe you forgot

That Molly punches Fitz in the face hard enough that he bleeds and that Fitz fully intended to punch the Fool for asking if Molly was preggo before seeing he had already been beaten. I pretend I do not see it.

Favourite character introduction moments/scenes

Omfg I was just about to say “huh we didn’t really get any major character intros in this book” bitch Nighteyes???? But in my defence I just. Cannot process the fact that Nighteyes is only really in 3 of 16 books he just feels omnipresent to me BUT his introduction is most definitely iconique and god I love him and he made me cry eight thousand times!

Favourite character arcs

Speaking of Nighteyes: what a glow up. He goes from angry, scared, untrusting little bb to……. Nighteyes. Like. How does one even describe the kind of person Nighteyes becomes. He’s just Nighteyes and I love him with all my fuckin heart!! He is Fitz’s constant… He is wise… He is silly… a comedic genius…… a big, open, unconditional heart. Incomparable. I can’t believe I’ve seen ppl saying they dislike/d Nighteyes……. Honey…… it’s called taste xx

Favourite quote/s

Again no tabs so it’s a bit harder to keep track but there were a few that stuck out enough to copy down. There are a lot of iconic quotes in this book that get shared a lot so I only bothered with ones I didn’t remember.

- “I wince to think of the price willingly paid for loving me.”

- “My soft, clean bed beckoned, like a soft, clean tomorrow.” (mood)

- “I looked and saw they were both made of hungers, like containers made of emptiness.”

Favourite relationships

Kettricken/Verity obviously. I was shocked by how little time they actually have together being in love before Verity leaves??? Because all I remembered was how strong their love is. But the whole journey towards that love is what makes it stand out as an actual compelling story in its own right. This is definitely one of Robin’s greatest skills as a writer; giving the minor characters depth by giving them their own relationships that grow and change and have a life of their own outside of Fitz. It makes the world feel so much more alive.

Also Burrich/Fitz in this book continues to be bittersweet, but with a lot more sweet in there than usual! They fully start out this book as a team. Burrich calling Fitz “FitzChivalry” makes me fuckin emo and idk why even. Burrich does seem to start seeing Fitz a lot more as his own person in this book which changes their dynamic in some rly nice ways. The fact that towards the end of the book Burrich even uses the wit to help Fitz is enough to make me cry tbh - and writing this has made me realise that I’m officially past any uncomplicated good times between Burrich and Fitz y’all mind if I fuckin die real quick!!

Fitz/Verity is soy pure and beautiful. Fitz and the Fool is always, always compelling and complex and tender and perfectly mysterious. But overall you’d have to say Fitz/Nighteyes, hey? They are literally meant to be, in a way so straightforward and undeniable and beautifully simple that I never really know what to say about it. Little brother!!! :’) They literally make me cry all the frickin time lol rip!

Favourite setting

There aren’t that many to choose from in this book! Ima go with the skill river bc hey, Robin’s magic systems are so unique and beautiful and the fact that the skill is written as a kind of a place is really frickin cool and deserves a shoutout.

Favourite chapter

The final chapter (not the epilogue) ummm broke my heart but it is written so beautifully, oh my god, it’s like an out of body experience. I feel like this is kind of when RotE becomes RotE - the first time it really goes to that place that is so fitting yet so unexpected, so beautiful, so tragic, so awful, so visceral. Making use of the genre to really test the limits of humanity; to see how far you can bend a person without breaking them and then refusing to turn away from the consequences. Idk man!! I don’t know how to describe it without sounding like a pretentious dick but it really is that intense and strange and overwhelming for me. There is something in that moment, when Burrich pulls Fitz’s body out of the earth and Fitz/Nighteyes is recoiling from it and deeply terrified… Something about the enormity of the existential questions raised converging with the pinpoint specificity of it all being wrapped up in the story of a character that feels so real and who you care about so deeply… It’s almost written like a horror scene, but that’s not quite the feeling. It’s just the RotE feeling; there are multiple throughout all five series, and it’s what makes these books unlike any other.

Most loved character

Fitz, Nighteyes, the Fool all had my entire heart this book. The Fool is just so sad and pathetic and literally must be protected!! I think I’m kind of obsessed with Burrich? Also I think I almost forgot how much I love Kettricken? She’s a complete badass of course but she’s also got the biggest goddamn heart like…. Who said she was allowed to be such a beautiful person???

But god, everyone. I love them all.

Most hated character

What can I say? Regal is disgostang. Wall Ass a close second.

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimised by Robin Hobb (most heartbreaking and/or visceral moments)

Shall I list just a few? :)

- Burrich screaming at Fitz through the bars of his jail cell, horrible things you can’t help but feel are at least a little bit true

- Burrich sobbing over Fitz’s dead body repeating, “You aren’t dead, you aren’t dead.”

- Fitz going to Nighteyes before everything went down on the night of the coronation and just fuckin hugging him really tight

- Fitz trying desperately to leave his broken vessel behind but not quite being able to disown his body

- The Fool being beaten

- The Fool being beaten again

- The Fool sprawled and weeping across Shrewd’s dead body

- The Fool really believing for a moment that Fitz had betrayed him and killed Shrewd

- Fitz tending the Fool’s wounds………. bitch….

- Chade giving Fitz a chance to escape with them and Fitz going to kill Serene and Justin instead

- Idk why this is even that sad but Nighteyes saying the only person he loves is Fitz!

- The entire incident with the forged ones literally tearing apart a three year old girl, which I had completely blocked out until now :)

- The fact that Fitz continues to be reminded and traumatised by this incident for the remainder of the book beCAUSE HE IS A GOOD BOY. A VERY GOOD BOY WITH A VERY GOOD HEART.

- Fitz repelling at Nighteyes to try and force their bond broken

- LITTLE BROTHER

- WOLVES HAVE NO KINGS

- High off his face Fitz calling Patience “mother” no shut the fuck up!!!!

Details, observations, spoilery notes made with the benefit of the full picture

- I’ve been trying for ages to decipher when the Fool started falling for Fitz, and I think I’m officially putting my money on their last interaction in AA. “I wish I had a place that was as much me as that place is you.” I mean. If someone said that to me… I’m not a slut but who knows, ya know? (I know this is more a note for the last book but I thought of it while reading this book. So shh.)

- It’s so clear to see this time how much Fitz’s sense of self and politics are affected by his time in the Mountains. He obviously feels much more inclined to their way of thinking about royalty and sacrifice and equality and returns to Buckkeep with a self-respect he’s never really had before. Weird how being among people who don’t just think of you as The Bastard will do that.

- It’s no wonder Fitz becomes so fixated on Molly; he literally has almost nothing else to occupy him and no companionship when she suddenly shows up

- It’s gross that he spies on her, obviously, but you can’t not take into account the fact that Chade has been teaching him since he was ten that this is justifiable behaviour; a reasonable way to gather information and get what you want. Fitz’s lack of social awareness goes further than him just being a little awkward; he has literally been trained to believe the only thing wrong with stalking would be getting caught.

- I’ve seen a few people talk about the fact that Regal isn’t appropriately punished as if it’s bad writing and like, while it is frustrating, it is supposed to be frustrating - it is not a plot hole. It made sense to me the first time I read it and it was even more obvious this time; Regal has the loyalty of the inland duchies. If he were to be publicly punished those dukes would rally behind him and raise hell, and Regal would no longer need to play the part of the dutiful prince. Even if Regal died a “natural” death - something I can’t see Shrewd or Verity orchestrating anyway - the inland dukes would feel that they no longer have a Farseer on their side and may, again, raise hell. It’s a delicate balance that would be outrageously difficult not to topple if you removed Regal from the equation. There is a lot more to it than I’ll bother writing here but yeah. I don’t really know how people can read this book and think that Regal retaining his life and position is some sort of lazy plot contrivance. It was all set up in the first book dude.

- Fitz and Nighteyes meeting in this book is the perfect metaphor for our need for connection versus the fear of inevitable loss. Fitz’s experience tells him that entering into a bond with an animal can only end in pain, yet he can’t resist it. In real life this is especially true with humans and our animal companions, since they almost always have a shorter lifespan than us; signing up to love them is signing up to lose them. But the same is also true of our relationships with other humans. And like Fitz, we have all had our fair share of loss and pain. We all have our reasons to be afraid of the connection we naturally crave. Sometimes we give in to the fear to the point of holding ourselves back from it entirely. That’s where Fitz is at when he meets Nighteyes. But what’s so beautiful about their arc as a metaphor is that it suggests that these connections, if we submit to them, are what keep our vital spark alive. Even when Nighteyes dies later in the series, the sentiment always remains, essentially, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” Ya boi is projecting bc it’s hard to be vulnerable and make friends as an adult, but I think the observation stands. Love and connection and vulnerability are key threads that run throughout all of Fitz’s story, but in this book it is best represented through him and Nighteyes.

- “I hoped I would not become too adept at lying to myself.” Honey, you got a big storm comin.

- Very inch resting (gay) that Fitz finds it hard to meet the Fool’s eyes. I know almost everyone does bc his eyes are weird, but I reserve the right to reach and I will absolutely NOT be accepting criticism.

- I find it interesting that Fitz says Kettricken’s wit is not strong just because she doesn’t use it exactly the way he does

- I know it’s not meant to be funny but……. The way Fitz described losing his virginity had me literally laughing out loud

- Fitz was really like “okay i better go break my bond with Nighteyes” just cos he and Molly fucked. Teenagers don’t deserve rights.

- You know what? I really, really appreciate how fucking weird these books are lol. What other author would use their magic system to have their characters accidentally intruding on each other’s awkward sex stuff? Okay, maybe a few, but they would do it to be like, edgy and sexy. Robin Hobb just does it to make you cringe so hard you lose several years off of your life.

- But seriously, even apart from the cringe stuff, these books get so strange and out there and like! That’s what magic is for!

- Bruh. When Fitz is like “omg poor Verity…. He’ll never have what i have with Molly” I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone encapsulate the self-important delusion of teen romance so perfectly lol. Wow.

- Okay some Fitz/Fool stuff that made me lose my tiny mind. Sorry.

- Fitz literally said about the Fool “he burned too brightly” I WILL DIE.

- Fitz is always like, irritated by the Fool… yet positively delighted by his presence at the same time…… okay bitch

- Inch resting how Fitz has always been uncomfortable with the Fool getting serious. I don’t quite know how to put my thoughts on this into words so like. I’ll just put it there. Make of it what you will.

- “Sit on my clothes chest and take your shirt off…” i stopped fucking breathing noah fence

- “I ran my fingers lightly down the line of his jaw, and around his eye socket. At least no bone seemed damaged. ‘Who did this to you?’ I asked him.” my GOD this is literally textbook gay/romance. It hurts me. It physically hurts me.

- Straight from my notes: “I can’t even focus on reading this bc it’s the first time they are tending each other’s wounds and I am a homosexual!” and “the gays are quaking!! (it’s me I’m the gays)

- Okay wow! I think that’s it! Hello if you made it this far! Hope this was remotely coherent and I’m always keen to hear your thoughts on my thoughts :)

Anyone doing a reread feel free to fill this out! You don’t have to use the tag :)

#rote #realm of the elderlings #royal assassin #royal assassin spoilers #fitzchivalry farseer #realm of the quarantine

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ardentaislinn · 4 years

Text

Yuletide Letter 2020

Hi! I am also ardentaislinn on AO3. Thank you so much for volunteering to write one of my chosen fandoms! I really can’t wait to see what you come up with. Most importantly, I hope you have fun writing whichever of my fandoms it is. Any suggestions I make here are optional.

Here you’ll find:

My general likes

My DNWs

And prompts for the following fandoms:

Peninsula: Train to Busan 2 (2020) - Jung Seok, Min Jung, Joon Yi, Yoo Jin

Stranger | 비밀의 숲 - Hwang Si Mok, Han Yeo Jin

Kingdom | 킹덤 - Prince Lee Chang, Seo Bi

Illang: The Wolf Brigade | 인랑 (2018) - Im Joong Kyung, Lee Yoon Hee | Kim Seo Hee

A quick note on the Korean names - I’m fine with however you choose to transliterate them. Hyphen/no hyphen, Shi Mok/Si Mok, etc. Just do what you are comfortable with and I’ll adjust no problem. No need to add the honourifics, though

My likes:

I love getting together fics most of all. I love almost every kind of trope (fake dating, slow burn, rivals-to-lovers, “unrequited” pining (that is really requited), found families, etc.) Also, casefic, epistolary fic, consent, forbidden pleasures, beta heroes, bed sharing, masquerades, military kink, physical imperfections, ladies being badass and female relationships (whether romantic or friendship), relationships that build tension before exploding, equal relationships, trapped together, competence, communication, U/RST, positive endings.

You may notice from the below that my ships mostly involve sweet and occasionally broken men being head over heels for awesome ladies, (and usually not feeling worthy). So that dynamic is strongly encouraged.

I also like smut, but it certainly isn’t a necessity. For smut, I’m (sadly) fairly vanilla. But I like light bondage, cunnilingus, shower sex, and accidental/consensual voyeurism, (Particularly guys taking matters into their own hands when they think they can’t be with their lady, and the woman stumbling across him mid-act. Possibly my favourite kink ever? Writer’s choice whether the woman joins in or gets embarrassed)

Happy endings (or at least hopeful endings) are preferred. Like, super, super preferred. I don’t mind angst at all, but it kinda has to be on the way out of the darkness by the end.

Dislikes/DNWs:

Miserable endings. Major character death. Baby/Pregnancy fic. Humiliation. Drug use/drug mentions/addiction. Self harm/abuse. Non-con/rape. Heavy kink. A/B/O. M-Preg. Incest. Bestiality, animal harm etc. Underage sexual content. 1st person POV (unless for epistolary). Not big on high school AUs or Rock band AUs. Unbalanced power dynamics in ships without acknowledging/exploring that. (This effects one particular ship below, which I’ll discuss in more detail in the fandom section).

I think that’s it?

And so, to the fandoms, in no particular order:

Peninsula: Train to Busan 2

Jung Seok, Min Jung, Joon Yi, Yoo Jin

While maybe objectively not as good a film as the first one, I still enjoyed the hell out of it. Given that it was essentially a cross between Escape From New York and Mad Max, what isn’t to love? I loved the expansion of the world and the clever uses of zombies in the chase scenes. And I loved that the message was that being logical and self-sacrificing isn’t always the right choice - sometimes you should be driven by heart and empathy. And I really liked the idea that anything can mean happiness when you love and are loved in return - particularly in regards to Joon Yi, but also Jung Seok (and his found family?).

What would interest me the most in this fandom is post-movie fics. But if you wanna do a canon divergent/au thing, I’d be cool with that, too. Some prompts:

Joon Yi struggles a lot more than her sister to readjust to a “normal” life

In order to stay together after being rescued, Jung Seok and Min Jung have to pretend to be married

After four long years of loneliness, Min Jung just wants to be touched

Jung Seok isn’t surprised to find himself in love with Min Jung - and wanting to be a father to her girls - but is he good enough for them? He’s left them behind once - can he forgive himself? Can Min Jung?

The zombie plague escapes from Korea - and Jung Seok, Min Jung, and her girls are the closest thing to experts on how to fight back and contain it that the authorities have. Will their nightmare never be over? Or is this a chance to end it once and for all?

With Min Jung in hospital while her leg heals, Jung Seok suddenly finds himself a surrogate father to two very unruly girls.

Stranger | 비밀의 숲

Han Yeo Jin, Hwang Si Mok

This show is just so good, and Si Mok and Yeo Jin - and their relationship - is a big part of that. He’s logical and doesn’t feel things the way most other people do, but that doesn’t mean he’s given a free pass to be an asshole. He’s a good man who always does what’s right. And Yeo Jin is just as smart as he is, and equally committed to doing what’s right, but in a different way. They make a perfect team.

I love how much they absolutely, completely, trust and respect each other. Si Mok cares about her as much as he is capable - probably more so than he cares about anyone else. There isn’t any drama or jealousy or anything like that in their relationship. They are both practical adults. But it doesn’t mean they don’t have a deep bond. I do ship these two - and would love getting together fic if you can!

Prompts:

Yeo Jin will probably have a tough time of it from now on. How will Si Mok support her through it?

How will Yeo Jin and Si Mok keep in touch now that he’s moved away again? Late night phone calls that slowly become more intimate? Texts or emails (epistolary style)?

In the last episode, there was a hint that Si Mok had a prophetic dream. What if he really did develop a power? And Yeo Jin was the only one he trusted with the truth?

What if Yeo Jin and Si Mok had to travel somewhere for an investigation - and there’s only one bed…

Si Mok isn’t incapable of noticing when a woman is attracted to him. But what if that woman is Yeo Jin? Do they try to make a friends-with-benefits arrangement work? Or do they like each other two much for that?

Everyone already knows Yeo Jin and Si Mok are close - but why do their friends suddenly think they are dating? What’s changed? And how do they stop the rumours - without disappointing all the friends who were hoping they’d finally become a couple?

Yeo Jin had drunk one too many shots of soju and thought she might never see Si Mok again - so she’d jumped his bones and snuck out before he woke, full of regrets. But what happens now they have to work a case together again?

Feel free to bring in the other characters, too, as long as Yeo Jin and Si Mok remain the focus! I love the various dynamics they have with the people around them.

Kingdom | 킹덤

Prince Lee Chang, Seo Bi

Like with Si Mok and Yeo Jin above, so much of what I like about these two is that they are great characters separately - but work so well together as a team. They trust each other. He has great faith in her abilities and respects her so much. And she is loyal to him and respects him in return because she knows he’s a good man and a good leader.

I also love how the show uses both politics and horror elements, both to best advantage. It’s so well-written and compelling.

Now, I can see how this ship skirts close to my “no unbalanced power differentials in relationships” DNW, since he’s a prince, and she’s very much not royalty, so I thought I would clarify my position on this. I would most like fic set after he gives up his place in the royal family, since I think that mitigates basically all the issues. Even though I don’t think he would have intentionally abused his power over her, and Seo Bi was never particularly deferential to him, it still would have effected the relationship. Now that they are on more equal footing, there may be some lingering, residual issues surrounding this, but I feel like it’s at the level of bringing some interesting angst into the equation without feeling icky, if that makes sense.

Prompts:

Lee Chang and Seo Bi are somehow transported into modern day Korea. How will they adapt?

Both Lee Chang and Seo Bi have seen horrifying things - and they have the nightmares to prove it. How do they help each other through?

I feel like there are a million stories you could tell within the time jump at the end of the second season. Seo Bi and Lee Chang are travelling together, but no doubt keeping their mission to find the resurrection plant a secret. Are they pretending to be married? Is there anything Lee Chang has to adjust to now that he’s no longer, technically, the crown prince? How are they making money? Is Seo Bi hiring out her medicinal knowledge, while Lee Chang sells his sword? How far will they go to find the answers they seek?

The properties of the resurrection plant are still largely unknown. What horrors will they have to face next, now that another outbreak is looming?

Lee Chang decides that Seo Bi needs formal fight training - and takes it upon himself to teach her.

What moments of levity can they find together amongst the horrors?

Lee Chang knows he shouldn’t think of Seo Bi in that way - they are colleagues, and despite everything he is still from a royal family. He needs her too much to risk everything because of his desire. But oh, how he wants her…

Illang: The Wolf Brigade | 인랑 (2018)

Im Joong Kyung, Lee Yoon Hee | Kim Seo Hee

So much about this movie is absolutely my jam. The action scenes, the exploration of what desperation can drive people to, the unclear loyalties that are slowly revealed. That whole sequence when they first meet and spend time together is like a distillation of so many of my favourite things. He sees her and is just instantly gone on her. And she for him. And from then on it’s just a quiet, intense longing between them. They are so aware of each other, every sense drawn towards the other. But he’s so broken, and he sees himself as more animal than man. And it’s revealed that she has equally deep wounds, too.

An argument can be made that at least some of it was an act, of course. They were both trying to deceive each other after all. But I think it’s pretty obvious that there were real feelings there, particularly because she tries to warn him that he’s walking into a trap, and he comes back to save her. Maybe even they don’t know how deep their feelings go, or the other’s feelings, but the audience knows.

And yet...I’ve seen it twice now, and the ending is still no clearer to me. Like, is he dead? It doesn’t seem like it, since both she and her brother saw him at the train station. But maybe he’s like a guardian angel now? And if he’s not dead, where did the shot come from? A hidden gun? The sniper? And most importantly of all, if he’s not dead...why aren’t they together??? Like, aren’t all the potential impediments to their relationship gone by that point?

So, I guess most of all I would like fic that makes more sense than that ending - preferably by giving them the happy ending they deserve.

Prompts:

Joong Kyung watches over Yoon Hee from the shadows - but she always knows he’s there. How can she convince him to come into the light, and back into her life?

Yoon Hee’s brother gets himself into trouble, and the only person she can turn to for help is a man she hasn’t seen in too long - Joong Kyung.

Joong Kyung now walks the line between the living and the dead, but he can’t stay away from Yoon Hee. (Paranormal/magic AU?)

Has there been too many lies between them to make a relationship work? Neither think they are worthy of the other, but when they are pulled back together (to give evidence for an official inquiry?) they can’t quite keep their distance.

Joong Kyung is on the run, and he doesn’t know who to trust - except the one woman he’s never forgotten.

Misunderstandings and lies abound between them - but what happens when they are trapped together and must wait for rescue?

If you don’t want to do a post-canon fic, how about canon divergence? What would have happened if the phone hadn’t rung in that warehouse at that moment? Might Yoon Hee have told herself that she could use her body to prove her loyalty to him? And might Joong Kyung have told himself that it couldn’t hurt to succumb - that it didn’t mean anything?

I think that’s everything. Thank you so much!

#yuletide 2020 #yuletide letter 2020

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icarialex · 3 years

Text

Who: Zoey Katz and Kassandra West

When: March 31st

Where: Beach, Hades’ Park, beach.

What: Aurora accidentally ruins Kassandra and Zoey’s date, but they remix that up to be perfect. Kass and Zoey become girlfriends. It’s cute.

Kassandra:

It didn't take long for her to find Zoey, finding the other woman sitting at a bench sketching away. Kassandra felt her whole body fill with a sense of dread as she walked up to the blonde. She wanted to sit next to her, to hold her hand and to tell her that whatever she saw wasn't what it looked like. But it was, wasn't it. It was two ex-lovers fighting over past loves and potential present loves and the lies of their in-betweens. So instead of sitting she chose to stand. Instead of reaching out to lovingly caress that gorgeous face of Zoey's, Kassandra kept her hand at her sides. Instead of lying, she chose to tell the truth. She owed her that much.

"I'm sorry for what you saw back there. She just... Walked up on the beach. Which I get is allowed because its not like I own the beach but... Still. The timing. And yes, she said what she said. But I don't feel the same way. And I don't know if that... If you'll believe me. I don't expect you to. I'm kind of a mess." Biting on her lip, Kassandra stared at the ground, not daring to look at Zoey. "I don't want her. All I want.. Is you."

Zoey:

Zoey felt Kass near her before she even heard the woman speak. There was just something about the brunette that seemed to set all of her nerve endings on fire. It wasn’t unpleasant even though it sounded that way. Honestly, it made her feel alive. Still, she pushed those thoughts to the side as she listened to what Kassandra had to say. There was a lot to unpack, but she didn’t want to leave things the way they were. The only way to get through it was to talk about it.

Once she finished putting her sketchbook away, Zoey stood up and took a few steps forward to be closer to the brunette. She cupped the woman’s cheeks to bring their eyes together and gave her a small smile. “I believe you,” she promised. “I just — I left because seeing someone else have such an effect on you and cause you so much pain at the same time is hard for me to watch. When she said that, I didn’t want to stay to hear what you’d say back because I was scared of losing you in that moment.” Being vulnerable wasn’t hard for Zoey. She’d rather be honest about the hard stuff than have them come back to bite her in the behind later. “I just need to know if I need to be worried about how much she stirs in you. Because I know you want me, but what we want and what we need don’t always line up no matter how much I could want it to.”

Kassandra:

Honestly, she didn't know what she was expecting. On one hand, she thought Zoey would slap her and then leave. On the other, she was expecting her to blow up at her. After all, that's always what had happened. That's what she'd just done to her ex, something that was already making her feel awful. But here Zoey was, walking up to her and cupping her cheeks until their eyes were locked in that now all too familiar way. Her lower lip wobbled as the artist continued to talk, sucking in a deep breath as she tried even out her rapidly beating heart. "I told her that she doesn't get to stumble over that word, not after twelve years. I told her that I didn't love her. And then I left. Because it would be wrong to stay, because I didn't want to stay."

Eyes flitted upwards to look at the dark sky, taking in another deep and shaky breath. "I don't want or need her. And that sounds awful. But she chose to lie and hide parts of herself from me. The truth is I need to really talk to a therapist because I don't know how to process that she apparently did all that to protect me. Because all her lying did was make me hate myself more than I already did. And she saw it. She saw it for the next two years of high school. She saw me slowly change into a different person and she let it happen. And now I'm... Fuck. I need you, Zoey. I do. But I don't think you're going to want me after I tell you the truth. The truth about me." Kassandra took a step back, feeling immediately sick because this was not how she had wanted this night to go. "The truth about why I came here."

Zoey:

It was hard for her to give input on the situation due to her own feelings, but then again, it wasn’t just about her. She really liked Kassandra, and that meant wanting what was best for the woman in front of her. “You don’t need to tell me what happened,” she began truthfully. “I trust you. If you say you want me and are ready to enter this with me, then I trust that you’re doing it with the best intentions towards me. I don’t think you’re ever someone that would hurt me purposely.” Perhaps she was naive, but she always chose to see the best in people and trust them until given a reason not to. It was hard to build any sort of relationship without trust.

Zoey moved from cupping the woman’s cheeks to wrapping her arms around her neck. Even in difficult conversations, it was hard to stay far from the brunette for too long. The illustrator was naturally a touchy, feely person. Add someone who she had feelings for, and she wanted to touch more often than not. “Have you heard the saying that the pathway to hell is paved with good intentions,” she asked with a sigh. While the thought was usually far too gloomy for the upbeat blonde, she did know that it was true in some circumstances. “More often than not, people do damage even if they have the best intentions. You both were really young, and once she started on a path she may not have known how to get out of it. I’m not saying it makes things okay, but forgiving her is the step you need to make when you’re ready. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, and things may never be the same, but it’ll help you let go of all the pain I think.”

The artist was about to respond to how the confident badass she’d met weeks ago was now such a mushy person when the tone changed. The truth? Zoey couldn’t imagine what that meant. The statement hinted that she’d been lied to which didn’t make her feel great. “What do you mean? I’m not excited about the idea of you lying to me when we first met, but we didn’t know each other. I can’t imagine you saying anything that would make me not want you. Did you come here with the intention of hurting anyone?”

Kassandra:

'Did you come here with the intention of hurting anyone'. The question presented to her left a bitter taste in her mouth and she wanted nothing more than to take it all back. To pretend she'd never said what she was sure would doom their relationship before it even started. Except she couldn't. No more lying. "Yes." Her answer came out broken, eyes filling with tears as she swallowed thickly. "When my mom... When she kicked me out.. Zo--I can't say all this and have you holding me. I can't feel you caring for me because it makes me want to keep you feeling that way. Which means I'm going to want to lie to protect myself and I can't... You deserve the truth. I will not be what she was to me to you." Extracting herself from the blonde, Kassandra wrapped her arms around herself as if that would help her feel some sort of protection before continuing her previous train of thought.

"When my mom kicked me out, I was lost. And I wandered into the woods near where I lived and I... I found him. My dad. And he was so.. Confident. Cocky. An asshole. And he said he cared. I was so alone and heartbroken that I went to him willingly. He took care of me. Gave me money and found me somewhere to stay. A-And then he taught me. He taught me about Zeus. About all the Gods. He taught me how wonderful the King of the Gods was and that it would be a privilege to devote my life to him one day. And years went by and he trained me to deal with my strength, tried to understand the flashes I had. And... I thought maybe he'd never introduce me to him. But then we heard about Icaria and what was happening...." Kassandra took in a deep breath and squared her shoulders, knowing she needed to push through this or she'd never get it out.

The problem was is that this would be the nail in the coffin, the reason why Zoey wouldn't be able to look at her. Because this is what she was. Time and time again, Kassandra West was a disappointment. Aurora could yell at her say she wasn't worthless but... Kassandra didn't know if she'd ever believe that. Could ever believe that. "So we devised a plan. I get him intel on what was happening here and... And if the information was good, he'd share it with Zeus. He promised me if I did this, then I'd finally get to meet him. And for so long I believed him. I wanted to meet this God that my father has praised. So I came here. To get close to all of you... To learn your secrets and expose the corruption from the source."

A shaky breath left her lungs as she stared at the ground. "But then I met you. And you weren't like what my father told me you people would be like. I met people here and they talked about Weston. About what you'd all lost. About how Zeus was.... Is. So I began to not write to my father anymore. I haven't done it in... Weeks, actually. Because I can't betray people that I care about." Her eyes finally found Zoey's, pain filling her entire torso as she wondered if she could feel her heart literally shatter. "I only came here because I thought what I was doing was right. But I've been lying to you all from the start. And.. Getting to know someone like you... It was never part of the plan." Kassandra closed her eyes, tears falling down her cheeks. "Falling for you was never part of the plan."

Zoey:

The answer took the air out of Zoey’s lungs as she closed her eyes to will herself to stay and listen. She had to listen because there had to be some sort of explanation. Something that she could use to make sense out of how the sweetest, and sometimes goofiest person she knew could have any intent to cause real harm. So, she let Kass detangle herself from her arms and took her seat back at the bench. The artist crossed one leg over the other as she leaned back and tried to piece it all together.

As she listened, the betrayal and anger she felt slowly started to dissipate. By the way Kass started, the illustrator was positive she was going to want to end things between them before they even began. Fortunately, that wasn’t the case. She was angry but more at the circumstances people had put Kass in when she was feeling most vulnerable. Yes, she was slightly ticked off at the woman for lying to her, but Kassandra had also come clean without being forced to.

Just as she thought she was in the clear and could respond, the air was knocked out of her again with three simple words. Falling for you. Gods. How the hell was Zoey supposed to have the ability to process everything she’d learned in less than thirty minutes? She uncrossed her legs before leaning forward with her palms resting against the bench. Her eyes closed as she thought about how to respond to everything that was put in front of her. “First off, I still want you,” she said immediately to get that out of the way. Last thing she wanted was Kassandra freaking out so much about what it would mean for them that she didn’t listen fully to what she was saying.

When she didn’t feel like her head was going to explode, Zoey sat up again and made eye contact with the green eyes she adored so much. “You haven’t hurt anyone, and I know for a fact that any information you’d have gotten wouldn’t have led to anyone getting hurt. First off, Zeus doesn’t listen to anyone. As you saw, Nyx literally had to kidnap children to get his attention, and even then, he let one of his own daughters stay in that place for five years without giving a damn.” Noreen was one of her friends, and she was still furious with the God for treating her like she was nothing. He didn’t show one hint of remorse or care that she was gone.

Once her anger over that entire thing was tucked back away she continued with, “secondly, no one here has any sort of intel that would prove what your father was hoping to prove. I should know. I’ve been here for over twenty years.” The idea that someone thought they wanted to overthrow Zeus for power as Gods was insane. She’d never met anyone with that kind of thinking. Hell, most of them didn’t want to get caught in the middle of the fight that was surely brewing. “Lastly, you were manipulated into thinking these things by yet another person you should have been able to trust. I can’t discard you like you don’t matter, Kass. That’s not — I can’t ever do that to you because you matter so much to me, and not because I can get anything out of you. Am I crazy about you having lied to me? No. But, we barely knew one another back then. All of what you just unpacked isn’t something you tell a stranger, and you still told me before we got even deeper than we already are. How can I tell the girl I’m falling for that I don’t want her anymore because she came to her senses and realized what she was asked to do is wrong? Seems to me like you’re finally getting things right.”

Kassandra:

Kassandra's head snapped up as Zoey said that she still wanted her, a look of utter disbelief on her face. But as Zoey kept talking, kept telling her more and more of what she thought of the whole situation, the disbelief turned into remorse and then finally, anguish. Taking a few steps forward until she was in front of Zoey, she found herself staggering to her knees, kneeling in front of this woman that was far too kind for her or this world. Placing her hands gently atop either thigh, Kass swallowed thickly and looked up at her. "I'm sorry." The words came out broken, almost unfinished in a way as she bent her head down to rest her forehead against Zoey's knees, unable to look at her anymore. "I'm so sorry." It should be a sense of relief that filled her but all she felt was fear. Fear of what her father would do. Fear that the rest of the people she'd interacted with wouldn't be too keen on her if they ever found out she just came her as some sort of exploitation. For personal gain.

"I don't think I deserve your kindness." Kassandra sniffled, unable to lift her head up to look at Zoey. "But I'll try to earn it. No more secrets... No more lies. Whatever you want to know.. I'll tell you. I don't want to be your foil." There was more she could say, she was sure she could keep begging for forgiveness and utter a thousand words of repentance. But nothing else would leave her throat, not even when she mentally begged it to. So she just kept her head bowed, clutching to a warm body that she definitely didn't deserve.

Zoey:

Seeing Kassandra so broken and upset was not something she ever wanted. The two of them had been through enough hard conversations to last them a lifetime in their short time knowing one another. When Kass’ head leaned against her, Zoey wasted no time in running her fingers through the woman’s hair. While some would enjoy the groveling, the illustrator didn’t. She felt like they were equals, and she wanted the woman she hoped would eventually be her girlfriend to see herself as such. Instead of quickly speaking, she stayed there just lightly scratching the brunette’s scalp with every pass of her fingers through long hair and allowed Kass to catch her breath from everything. It had definitely been a stressful hour to say the least. “All I want is for you to try and see yourself the way I do and start trying to believe you deserve better than what you’ve been given. Everything that’s happened isn’t about who you are as a person, but more about who the others are, okay?” She doubted one evening of her saying so would fix years of emotional turmoil and abuse, but the blonde hoped that every day she stayed helped.

“Now, can you stop literally groveling and tell me what you want to do tonight,” she asked sweetly as she leaned forward and placed a lingering kiss on Kassandra’s forehead. “I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all day, and if you think this whole debacle is going to get you out of some me time, you’re so wrong.” They could continue the serious talk another time. It wasn’t something they had a problem doing. Zoey just thought they spent enough time in the dark and twisty for a new couple. She had no problem visiting that side of things, but she thought balance was important in everything. “We do not have to go back to the beach because of the sour taste it could leave in your mouth. I’m down for anything with you.”

Kassandra:

As fingers slid through her hair, Kassandra felt herself melt at the touch. Her whole body seemed to visibly relax as she clutched tighter to Zoey. "I don't really know how to see myself like you see me. I'm sorry if that's not a good enough answer but its all I can really give you at the moment." The brunette sighed as she pulled back just in time for Zoey to kiss her forehead. Eyes slid shut once more as she let herself sink into the sensation, to the touch. To the feeling of someone caring. Her heart thudded loudly in her chest as her stomach fluttered with butterflies.

"Yeah, I'm gonna be real honest, I don't want to go back there. I'll just uh.. Grab my stuff in the morning. Actually... Wait, hang on. Just, stay here. Okay?" Kass got up from her position and walked back towards where she'd had everything situated. Luckily for her, Aurora wasn't there which made her let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. Grabbing the blankets, the basket, and the guitar case was easy enough. After getting the fire to die down, Kassandra walked back to Zoey, now looking very sheepish at all of the items she held in her arms. "I uh.. I wanted to do something special... For you. So... I wanted to take you somewhere that you loved. And you.. You really seem to love the ocean and I just thought... Maybe here? But now here is kind of a mess and I don't know where to take you. I kind of messed this all up. Fuck."

Zoey:

“I said try, sweetheart,” she reassured with a sweet smile. “That doesn’t mean you have to see yourself that way now. Just keep working on your self esteem and worth because you deserve so much more than what you’ve gotten.” Zoey wasn’t positive of many things, but that was something she was absolutely certain about. When Kass asked her to wait, the blonde just nodded her head. She was content waiting to see where the night would take them. Zoey was just relieved that they’d made it through something that could have completely ruined the evening.

When Kass did return though, she hadn’t expected to see her with so many things. It was so cute to see how much effort the woman had put into their date, and it touched her more than she could explain. “I’ve got an idea,” she said easily as she grabbed the picnic basket and Kassandra’s now free hand. With that, she began walking them towards Hades park. The botanical gardens there would be perfect to give them a beautiful atmosphere along with some privacy. “I love being outdoors. Since we live on an island paradise, that often leads towards the beach. Still, there are a lot of other spots I go to as well. Hades Park is one, and we can go there. I love all of this already. A small change in scenery won’t change that,�� she promised. While she understood that it wasn’t the same as planning the whole date from beginning to finish, she hoped that Kass saw the truth in her words. “What do you think? Are you up to having a picnic with me surrounded by flowers that are almost as beautiful as you?”

Kassandra:

Kassandra blushed as Zoey spoke about being surrounded by flowers that were beautiful like she was. It took everything in her to bite down the remark that Zoey was clearly blind because of the easy way she found herself being self-deprecating. Luckily for the blonde, she managed to stave off the negative energy, that is, until common sense connected in her brain. "Babe..." She started, eyebrow raised as she looked around them for a moment. "I'm totally down for going to a park right now. However, it is uh.. Night time. And unless you're about to tell me you have dark-vision with a radius of 30 ft, I don't know how much flowers we will really be seeing." Kass paused, not because she realized just how incredibly nerdy that was but because of remembering what Zoey could do. "Wait, hold on. You can, can't you? You can see at night because of your... Shapey-shifty thing? Is that a thing?"

Zoey:

The blonde bit her lip to stop herself from smiling at Kass’ first statement. She found it as cute as the woman did when the artist thought that she would be able to restrain her to a bed. However, when Kassandra did finally put it together she gave in and laughed lightly while nodding her head. “Shape-shifty thing? I might have to talk to a comic writer and tell them to make that the name of their next superhero ability,” she teased lightly. While shapeshifting was popular in the literary world, it was more of a sci-fi thing. It became insanely popular thanks to Twilight and other vampire shows which always drove her a bit crazy. There were just some things they got so wrong that she couldn’t really watch those shows or movies. “But yes, you’re right. That is a thing. Lucky for you, I can describe the flowers to you in very good detail.” Well, that was if they didn’t get too distracted by one another like usual.

“You’re so lucky you didn’t know me when I was in high school. I did not have a great grasp on my powers until I was about eighteen. They got better with time of course, but I would just shift sometimes. That’s actually how Dex and I became best friends. I shifted into a monkey and climbed on his shoulder. Well that and the fact that I helped him with his calculus homework when I was a sophomore.” Dexter was actually the friend that Zoey wanted Kass to meet the most. She figured he was safer to meet first rather than her parents and siblings. Family always made people more nervous. “Also, sweetie, I think that reputation of yours is going to go out the window the more people see you with me. You don’t really treat me the way you do others.” She added a hand squeeze to her comment to ease what could be a blow to her date’s ego. Apparently the badass persona was a thing. “We’re almost there. Hades’ Park is just right through that entrance,” she said as she pointed ahead to the sign. Perks of a small island was how easy and quick everything was to get to.

Kassandra:

Rolling her eyes, Kassandra trudged along beside Zoey, knowing full well that she wasn't actually upset with the other woman teasing her. "I don't know what it is. I know mythology shape-shifting, I am a History major with a minor in... Nevermind. Anyway, the point is, I just don't know how it works with you and your... Bits. I could look at history, I could look at my unhealthy obsession of Teen Wolf when I was younger or I could ask person who actually does it... For fun." Kassandra rolled her eyes with a smile plastered on her face, bringing up the hand she was holding to kiss at Zoey's knuckles.

And then the reputation comment came out and she found herself groaning. "Shut up. I was totally a badass before I met you. And now I'm all soft and squishy. What if someone tries to attack us while we're in the park? I might just turn into jello and then you're gonna need to turn into some kind of enormous dragon and carry me off. Or a cool bird. I could ride you if you were an ostrich." Kassandra clearly should stop talking.

Zoey:

“Nuh uh. No way,” Zoey said quickly. “You’re so finishing that sentence. History major with a minor in what?” Learning about Kass was honestly one of the blonde’s most favorite things. Especially when it was learning about the parts that weren’t so sad. “I majored in illustration which I’m sure is a big surprise.” Her major very much directly related to her profession. While she believed she could have made it without it if she’d just sent her portfolio everywhere, she was happy she listened to her dad and got the degree. “As for learning about my abilities, I’m happy to tell you anything you want to know. Please don’t use Teen Wolf as a reference though.” Another show that made her cringe. The alpha and beta thing was way too overstated for her liking, and shifters didn’t often run around in packs.

Zoey led them through the park and playfully rolled her eyes at the woman beside her. It didn’t take her long to find a nice spot for them to set up their blanket and enjoy their evening. “Firstly, I don’t believe you’d turn to jello for a second. You’re too protective for that. Me being in danger would probably just have you act more reckless than usual which I’m not too fond of. I don’t like you getting hurt.” The blonde was also more than capable of defending herself. Her father had insisted she get into martial arts years ago when the first kidnapping happened. It scared him to his core. “Secondly, an ostrich? That’s what you went with? Not a horse, lion or tiger, but an ostrich. You’re a little silly.”

Kassandra:

Sighing deeply, Kassandra knew that she'd have to answer Zoey's question sooner or later. Luckily she didn't have to say anything yet because the blonde was now doing that thing where she talked about herself which honestly helped settle her down a bit. Kassandra really didn't like talking about herself, in fact, she had thought she'd done enough of that for a lifetime after tonight. Eventually they made their way to a spot that the other woman picked out, spreading the blanket out before placing the guitar down as well as the basket. She sat down, patting the space next to her so Zoey would follow suit. "How dare you, I could totally kick ass without getting reckless. And as for the ostrich... Well, okay, that might not have been my brightest moment but it's the first thing that came to my head because of Swiss Family Robinson and... Nevermind. Anyway..."

Kassandra reached over and grabbed the basket, opening it to grab a plate. On the plate were two jelly-filled donuts, Kass happily holding it up in offering to the other woman. "So... Two donuts. Worth two-fifty." She winced, sighing again. "Okay... It was closer to three. But its not like I can haggle the prices of the donuts. And you probably don't even know what I'm referencing. It's... It's the amount that I paid for the comic. Back when I first came to Icaria." The brunette rubbed the back of her, looking awkwardly before grabbing a donut and shoving it quickly into her mouth. "Yf'know... Thefse are weally good. Mmmhmm." And of course, what better time to answer that previous question Zoey had asked her. "It waf folklofe anth myfology."

Zoey:

The blonde questioned Kassandra silently with an arched eyebrow. “You would put me in front of your own well being in a heartbeat which will always concern me. I need you to be okay as much as you’d need me to be.” Getting Kass to see that she meant a lot to someone else was going to be a challenge, but fortunately Zoey wasn’t in a rush. They had time. “You’re going to have to show me more of how that brain of yours works and stop being so worried about what you say in front of me. Nothing you do say is going to scare me away or make me stop liking you. I think I’ve proven that once or twice,” she said with a wink before leaning over and kissing Kass’ cheek.

The donuts and the reference melted Zoey because she honestly hadn’t expected it. Kassandra acted so aloof that day, that the blonde doubted the woman would remember much of their first meeting. Yet, there she was full of surprises. “How could I forget,” she asked with a tilt of her head and smile on her face. “That’s the day I first met you. I told you I’d find a way into your soft spots, and I think I’ve proved that. Oh, and I thought you didn’t date,” she asked teasingly before taking a bite out of her own donut. She covered her mouth to laugh lightly at the gibberish that was coming out of her date’s mouth. Fortunately, she had very good hearing and could make out what she was saying. “Folklore and mythology,” she asked excitedly. “Really? That’s really cool! If you have any books to recommend, let me know. I love reading when I’m not drawing.”

Kassandra:

Kassandra's face flushed a bright red at the reminder of what she'd said all that time ago. Oh for fuck's sake. She'd forgotten about that and now, of course, look how it had come back to bite her in the ass. "You know what," She started, finishing the jelly donut. "I'm revoking your kissing privileges. And instead of giving you totally awesome literature to read, I'm just going to.. Have you read... Uh... The dictionary. In Latin. Mmmhmmm. Yep, exactly that. Terrifying prospect." Okay maybe, on second thought, kissing would be a good idea because at least that would shut her the hell up. Wiping off her mouth, Kass reached back into the basket once more to pull out something else. Pulling out a mug, she handed it to Zoey. "I went to that one mug coffee shop place in town and I saw this there and... I kind of bought it from them. I figured you needed to have it for work."

The mug wasn't particularly fancy or really anything special. But in big bold black font were the words 'Imagine life without comic books... Now punch yourself in the face and never do that again'. "I know it's really kind of lame but I saw it and.. I don't really know, I just wanted to get it for you." She bit her lip, hands moving into her lap to begin playing with her fingers, some of her anxiety showing. "I know I didn't really have to get anything for you. It's just a date and I shouldn't make a big deal. I could have gotten flowers but that felt too cliche. So I went with this. I just.. I haven't done a date in a while. And I wanted it to be good. For both of us. But then the whole setting got moved and my freaking ex showed up. And now we're in a garden that you can see but I can't. Also I'm rambling now, so there's that." Kassandra groaned once more, bringing her hands up to cover her face.

Zoey:

As Zoey finished her donut, she shook her head at the woman opposite of her. “You’re revoking my kissing privileges,” she asked with a pout at the brunette. The prospect of reading the dictionary in Latin didn’t really worry her because honestly, Kass could give it to her all she wanted, but she wouldn’t read it. When the mug was handed to her however, all thoughts of not kissing Kass went out the window. All the blonde wanted to do was straddle the other woman’s lap and kiss her senseless. Yet, she made herself stay where she was. Zoey loved that their — that they were progressing physically more than she had ever enjoyed any of those things before, but she still wanted them to talk some. If she made that move, talking would be out the window. They could spend hours lost in one another and not get bored.

As she looked the mug over, she couldn’t help but smile. It was totally adorable. “I love it,” she said with a smile. She gently placed the mug in her satchel to be sure she didn’t forget it. It would most likely be more of her tea mug than coffee mug, but that didn’t matter. It would have a regular appearance at work. Gently, the blonde pulled the woman’s hands off of her face and brought them to her lips to kiss them. “This date is perfect. I love it out here with you. It’s much more secluded because many people don’t come to a botanical garden at night. Outside of the occasional runner, we’ll be left alone. As for what happened, your ex is in the past, and that’s where I’m keeping her. Our date didn’t start until the moment we both sat down on this blanket.” Zoey wasn’t even just saying that to be nice. In her mind, that happened ages ago. They’d talked, resolved the problem, and now we’re together enjoying their evening. Two completely separate events. “Now, I believe you had questions for me Ms. Folklore and Mythology major. Are you curious how much history has gotten right when it comes to us shapeshifters?” History had honestly gotten a lot of the things right. Even the internet had some facts in their lore that was spot on. Things only got a little weird when they were put into practice on television or movies apparently.

Kassandra:

How on earth was Zoey human? Well, okay, so she wasn't exactly human but still. The point stands. She was the best kind of person who just didn't let things hurt her as much as.. Okay, as much as she herself would let them hurt. Kassandra may have said she was a badass but when it came to matters of the heart she was like a wounded animal, wanting to bite at anyone who came close to her. "I mean I do, but I don't really know how to ask them. I just.. How about instead of me explaining things... You... Show me?" The woman paused, blinking slowly as she realized just how awkward that sounded leaving her lips. "I mean, I understand that history probably has gotten some things right. But I also don't trust it unless its backed up by a lot of evidence and irrefutable proof sometimes. Depending on what we're talking about. This in no way means I'm a flat-earther or think that we never landed on the moon."

Biting her lip, Kassandra moved to reach into the bag again, this time bringing out something she didn't quite know if Zoey would be okay with. "So... I brought something else. Something that I'm going to show you once you tell you all you want to tell me about you. And then... And then I'll tell you about me. Whatever you want to know." She brought the item onto her lap, placing it at her side and out of Zoey's view. Unless that shapeshifting came with freaking x-ray vision.. It didn't. Right?

Zoey:

The idea of showing Kassandra was easy enough. She’d shifted so much that while the feeling is still painful, she’d built quite a tolerance to it over the years. After about a thousand times, something had to feel somewhat natural. Still, there was one small hiccup with that idea. “I would be totally okay with shifting in front of you, but unless you have an extra pair of clothes, I would be naked when I shifted back. Unless you wanted to have the rest of your date with an animal.” The blonde could wrap the blanket around herself, but that would limit what they could do for the rest of the night. While Zoey was quite comfortable being naked, that didn’t mean that the law completely agreed with her. Having her dad bail her out for streaking was not something she wanted at the end of a date. “I can tell you some things though,” she said before biting her lip in though. “I do have heightened senses. I can see around us for a couple hundred feet right now perfectly fine. I can also hear a good distance too. Lying about food is so hard for me because of my taste buds. If I don’t like something, my face totally gives me away. Oh, I also have like a sixth sense which makes it very hard to sneak up on me.” Her brain tried to think of anymore shapeshifter fun facts that she could share without actually shifting right that second. “Oh, I also have an insanely fast metabolism.”

The prospect of learning more about Kass always got Zoey excited. She knew how rare of a privilege that was, and the artist didn’t take it for granted. Every time she was let in a little more, she cherished it and promised that she’d not make the brunette regret it. “You know I always love learning more about you. The happy, sad, silly, and secretly nerdy. I’m a fan of it all. It’s why I like you so much. I’m a whole package kind of girl.”

Kassandra:

Kassandra blinked awkwardly, not at all expecting that response. "O-oh. That uh.. That's... Nope. Let's not do that. Please and thank you. I don't need anyone else seeing you naked." Her eyes darkened for a moment, suddenly feeling an overwhelming sense of jealousy at the thought of someone else seeing her girl naked. The woman stopped breathing. Her girl. Had she actually just thought that? Oh Gods. Focus, Kassandra. Focus on what she said and not what you thought. Do it now before you start panicking and do something stupid. The problem with this inner monologue was that she wasn't actually obeying what she was saying to herself. At all. Because now she was standing up and... Pacing?

"I like you too. A lot. Which is... I'm not used to it, ya know. Having feelings so fast for someone. Hell--Having feelings is just a weird concept to me. I swore it off. I swore it all off and then I met you and now here we are on a date. And my mind is just kind of going all over the place. Because on one hand, I just got super jealous at the idea of other people seeing you naked. So much so that my brain just called you my girl. Which I want you to know, I'm not possessive over you in the slightest. I do not agree with that kind of thinking. But then on the other hand..." The brunette took in a deep breath, quickly continuing with barely any pause. "I'm yelling at my brain because I don't know if I'm allowed to feel how much I feel, this fast. I've already made out with you, seen you naked and been on two dates now before I've even considered a label be tacked onto us. And that terrifies me. And now I'm rambling to you about this and I should have stayed quiet. I'm sorry."

Zoey:

Seeing Kass get upset at the idea of anyone else seeing her naked made Zoey feel warmer than she thought possible. “I can shift for you at my place if you want since I’ll have clothes there, or I can just stay naked when I shift back,” she said with a shrug. They’d already showered together. However, that would lead to very little talking happening most likely. There was no way she’d want to do anything than touch and kiss at her place if she wasn’t dressed. The blonde was getting a little hooked on the sounds and reactions she could pull out of her counterpart.

Zoey hadn’t expected the tangent her date went on at all. The standing up was random, but as the brunette started talking it all started making sense. Knowing that Kass was going to be on quite the roll for a moment, the artist just leaned back on her palms as she watched Kassandra’s movements while listening. When she was sure her date was done, the illustrator shook her head from where she was while wearing a smile. “I like the idea of being your girl, and I liked that you didn’t want anyone else to see my naked, so no harm no foul on those two.” Zoey ran her fingers through her hair and flipped her part as she thought about what she wanted to say to the second part of it. It wasn’t really about what freaked her out, but soothing the fears of the woman before her. “Kass, I’ve been -- feeling a lot for you for awhile now. I’d love to be your girlfriend, but I’m also okay with waiting for that to happen. As for what you can feel, anything you’re feeling is okay. There is no right or wrong to how you’re feeling, at least with me.”

Kassandra:

Everything in her mind went blank. Girlfriend. She'd heard that right, right? Zoey had said girlfriend. All that she had said was her girl. Not.. Not that. Kassandra sucked in a puff of air, green eyes wide and only slightly frantic. "Girlfriend?" Her voice cracked, all high-pitch and awkward like some kind of prepubescent teenage boy. "I mean... You're my girl who is a friend. And we make out. And I've seen you naked... But... Girlfriend? I don't--I haven't had... Not since... And that didn't..." Kassandra kept pacing, words not fully coming out as properly as she wished for them to. "Is it hot in here? Out here? Is it? Cause it feels warm. Are you warm?"

Zoey:

Well, apparently she did not pick the right words. The blonde heard the high pitched voice followed by the rambling, and she knew that she’d possibly messed up. Living in Aurora’s shadow was hard for the woman, and it wasn’t going to get any easy now that she knew her. Honestly, she wanted to punch Kass’ ex girlfriend just because of all the pain that had been caused, and she was not a violent person. “I’m your girl who is a friend that you make out with,” she said with a nod and made sure to keep any wincing out of her face. That just sounded so less personal than where she thought they were heading.

Zoey let her head lul back and looked up at the sky for a moment as she thought what to say. It wasn’t like she could take back what she’d said. “I don’t have to be your girlfriend,” she started with in an attempt to get Kass to stop panicking. “Whether we are or aren’t, just know that I won’t hurt you the way she did. I can’t promise I won’t hurt you ever because that would just put me on a pedestal that I wouldn’t survive on. I just, I won’t be like her,” she said a little more quietly. While she didn’t like another person being such a focal point between the two of them, it was hard to not address her. She seemed to be the root of all of the other woman’s hang ups when it came to them.

Kassandra:

Hearing what Zoey said next made her face scrunch up. She didn't like how that sounded. Too informal. Too awkward. Too.. Not them. So she watched how Zoey formed her next words, the way that she could barely look at her. The way that she went softer, more gentle. And yet more restrained as well. She didn't like that, seeing the blonde have to restrict herself. Kassandra knew why she was doing it, knew that it was all her own fault for being a fucking mess of a human being. Zoey wasn't like her.. She wasn't broken. And that was good. Honestly thank Gods for that. She wouldn't wish this on anyone. But no matter if she was broken or not... She needed to fix whatever was happening right in this moment. Biting her lip, she looked around despite knowing that that wouldn't really help anyone given the fact that she couldn't see shit.

So instead of continuing a useless pursuit, the brunette moved so she was straddling Zoey's lap, kneeling with her knees on either side of the blonde's legs. Green eyes found blue as she brought a hand up to cup the back of the other woman's neck while her other hand tenderly stroked Zoey's cheek. Her breath came out shaky as she steeled her nerves, pushing down the panic and fear that came with what she was about to ask her. "Zoey... Ask me." The words were honest, yearning. Soft. Like the two of them in this moment. Without even being able to stop herself, she pressed a gentle kiss to the illustrator's lips. "Ask me."

Zoey:

When she saw the brunette looking around, Zoey gave her an endearing smile. “No one is around us according to my eyes and ears,” she said in the hopes of reassuring the woman. She was about to ask why she was curious, when she suddenly found her lap filled with Kassandra. Never one to mind, she put her hands on the woman’s hips and squeezed them lightly. Talking through touches and being intimate with one another was never a problem for them. That part of their relationship would get an A+ honestly.

The request wasn’t one she had been expecting at all. If she was honest, she was ready to shelf the conversation until another month or two. Yet, there the brunette was surprising her again. “You know, I’ve been wanting to ask you for about two weeks,” she said with a light laugh. “I had planned on it being something romantic at my place since that seems to be where we always end up. This, well, this is better,” she whispered in the small space between them. Even without the artist’s hearing, she knew that Kass could hear perfectly fine. “It’s just us. Us naturally stumbling into a topic that makes you flustered, and then you surprise me by pushing your boundaries just a little bit more to let me in every time.” She moved a hand to cup Kassandra’s cheek and caress the skin with the pad of her thumb. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Kassandra:

Is this what it felt like to be wanted? To feel hope blooming in her chest with every word that someone said? Kassandra was sure that was the case as Zoey whispered to her how she felt about this whole scenario. When the blonde brought a hand up to caress the skin of her cheek, she felt her eyes fluttering shut as she leaned into the touch. However her eyes slowly drifted open when Zoey asked her what Kassandra had requested her to. She shouldn't be surprised. She did ask for her to do this, after all. But here she was.. Still surprised as her jaw dropped slightly. Was she lame for having such a simple question take her breath away? Surely not. Not after all the torment she'd been put through or put herself through. Of course she'd react this way.

With a stuttering sound, Kassandra nodded. She was unable to say the words, so instead of vocalizing her feelings she showed them. Instead of kissing Zoey like the blonde might have expected, Kassandra wrapped her arms around Zoey's neck and hugged her tightly. "I'm the luckiest person alive right now." The brunette whispered into her girlfriend's hair. Her girlfriend. Her heart thudded in her chest. She couldn't believe that this was her reality. Was the weather finally changing in her favor? Was this what it was like to feel happy? Pulling back and looking at Zoey was all the answer to the question that she needed. So she did what she wanted. A bubbly laugh escaped her as she moved from the hug to kiss the blonde hard and fast. "Yes," She whispered against her lips in case Zoey hadn't gotten the memo. "Yes... Yes... Yes..." She kept repeating the word in between kisses, laughter accompanying them.

Zoey:

The nod was enough to make Zoey giggle as she easily wrapped her arms around Kass’ middle to pull her body as close to her own as possible. “Mm, I might have to fight you for that title,” she replied easily as she ran her hands up and down the woman’s back. Being close to Kass never failed to make her heart race. She’d thought she’d get used to the sensation at some point, but that had yet to happen.

Kass’ laugh had been the lightest she’d ever heard the woman, and she was about to comment on such before her lips were otherwise occupied. They laughed together which made some of their kisses have a touch more of teeth than normal, but Zoey didn’t care. She was genuinely happy. Wanting to take advantage of the surprise, she effortlessly flipped the woman on top of her so she was lying on her back on the blanket and moved to straddle her hips. “You are always straddling me, which I love, but with our height difference, this makes much more sense, don’t you think,” she asked playfully before leaning down and kissing the brunette again. When she pulled back, she stayed closed with her weight held up by her hands on either side of Kass’ head and smiled as she said, “you know, I quite like the view from here.”

Kassandra:

A yelp left her throat as Zoey flipped them, blinking in surprise as she found herself on her back looking up at the blonde who was now straddling her lap. "I... How did you..." She tried to ask but stopped as soon as Zoey was kissing her again, clutching onto her desperately as she returned it with as much fervor as she possibly could. When Zoey pulled away, she couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face, a blush tinging her cheeks as the blonde talked about liking the view. "I mean you're very close to my face, that's not much of a view. Unless you're pulling back and looking at my chest. Then.. You're welcome. All yours, babe." Kassandra winked at Zoey, moving her hands to squeeze the other woman's hips.

"I feel like if anyone walked up and saw us we would have a lot of explaining to do for public indecency. Or does this count as PDA. Maybe its a good thing that you didn't shift because you being naked and on top of me might have not gone over well." Leaning up wasn't hard as she pressed a kiss to Zoey's neck, lips quirked upwards in a smirk as she raked her teeth down her throat for a moment until she laid her head back down. "I've got my car parked down by the beach and I have another small surprise. We don't have to do it but uh... I got a tent if you want to just camp out by the beach. I used to do it at home sometimes when my mom and I would go. If we stick to the east side of the isle, we can see the sun rise." She blanched, sighing. "I mean, obviously, because it rises in the east. And you know that... Because you're... Smart. Unlike me in this moment, holy shit."

Zoey:

At the woman’s words, Zoey arched a very unimpressed eyebrow. “Keep insulting my girlfriend, and see what I do to you,” she said playfully. “You’re beautiful, Kass, and I’m not just talking about the parts of you people like to sexualize.” The blonde was insanely attracted to the woman below her. It was so intense that it could overwhelm her at times, and the urges that came with that were getting harder to manage. Yet, Zoey would always see her as more than just that. “Still, I like that you’re all mine. That’s one thing you got right.”

“This still counts as PDA. As long as we don’t remove any clothing, we’re good. But yeah, if I had shifted, that would be a totally different problem. Although, I’d hear them before they even saw us, so we could make a get away.” Zoey had quite a bit of experience avoiding people after shifting back into her human form. People always made nakedness so awkward. It was just easier to skip that all together. A moan left the artist’s lips at the feeling of teeth against her neck, and she barely stopped her hips from pressing down further into her girlfriend. Fortunately, the topic that Kass switched to made it easy for her to not focus on the heat quickly spreading through her body. It touched her how much thought and effort the woman put into their date. It also amused her how much Kassandra acted like a girlfriend, but she was so scared to put the label of actually being one. Add to that how nervous she could get, and Zoey was completely enamored. “You’re really smart, darling. I just make you flustered which is seriously the cutest thing to witness,” she replied before leaning down for another peck. Zoey was physically incapable of not kissing Kass for longer than a couple of minutes it seemed. “That sounds amazing, though. Is Nugget okay? Do we need to grab the little boy before heading over?”

Kassandra:

Hearing the other woman call her that sent a fire through her whole body, eyes looking upwards with such care. The sky was gorgeous, stars twinkling overhead with the soft sounds of insects greeting her ears from their location. Hell, she'd forgot where she was because all that mattered in this moment was Zoey. Well. Her and Zoey. She had to start putting herself into the equation or else this wouldn't ever truly go anywhere. It was time to start thinking herself worthy to be cared for. And sure, that would take time and effort and probably a lot of therapy. But she was willing to go that mile. She was willing to throw away whatever notions she'd come here for if it meant starting to be better. If it meant letting her past go. Could she do this? Could she really be happy?

Looking at the blonde, watching her as she spoke to her about her puppy and the compassion that she showed to her was enough to answer her question. Unless the fates truly had it out for her, she could definitely find a way to be happy. And no, she wasn't going to just expect Zoey to be her everything. That wasn't fucking healthy at all and Kassandra was done not being healthy. She wasn't about to say she could see forever in Zoey's eyes because that wasn't how she did things, even before she had gotten all messed up. However... She did know that what she felt for Zoey... It was unlike anything she'd ever felt before. It felt a lot like hope blossoming in her chest. Still, she had to respond to the question posed to her, which meant getting her mouth to move. "Nugget is okay. I've got a neighbor checking in on him. Besides... I'd like to have you all to myself tonight."

Zoey:

Nugget being taken care of certainly made things easier for them. She loved the little guy, but she was happy to not have to stop by the Inn. It was more like work for her lately, and that was the last thing she wanted in the middle of her date. The likelihood of her not being stopped for at least one question was slim to none. “You should know that I’ve been yours pretty much since the day you walked into the comic shop,” she said honestly. While she could never have predicted what would grow between them that day, she knew that she wanted to be closer to the brunette. Being friendly was natural for her, but things between them were just different.

Kassandra:

Kassandra tilted her head sideways in what surely looked like an adorable manner. "You were? I didn't have any clue. I just knew I wanted to get to know you after we met that first day. I'd never met anyone like you before... You kind of intrigued me and also scared the hell out of me. But uh, like, in a good way. Promise." How was she so smooth when it came to other women and was floundering like a damned fish out of water when it came to this woman in particular? She didn't let that thought fester, too busy noticing that Zoey was moving off of her, causing her to pout.

After she was helped up, Kassandra dusted off her pants and sighed. "I mean, hopefully we're alone. The whole Gods popping in on this isle at any moment, with doors that do or do not open and mythological creatures that like to sneak up on people while they're napping in a park... I don't know if we will ever really be considered 'alone'." She put air quotes around the last word before realizing that Zoey was talking about a lack of restraint around her. "I'm the definition of restraint, Zo. I'm like a walking, talking, breathing entry in a dictionary of that term. And not because I don't want you, I do. I just want to do this right. I still feel like I'm going far too fast but I have to remind myself that people put regulations in place on relationships and boundaries for themselves and decided society needed to do it as a whole. Which is insane. What's good for me is not good for... Someone like.. Oh I dunno. Caelan. I still don't understand the bees..." Kassandra stared off into space for a moment before realizing she'd gotten completely sidetracked. "The point is! That... I don't think we're doing this wrong. Going too fast or too slow. As long as we're both good and feeling okay, then I'm good with however we take it. Or don't... Take it." Kass breathed deeply through her nose, closing her eyes. "I swear I'm normally so much better with words than this."

Zoey:

“I was,” she said with a small nod. “I had no idea we’d become this. Especially when you acted like such a little bad girl player type that didn’t want anything to do with dating, but I wanted to get closer to you. I was obviously attracted to you, but I’m never so flirty when I first meet someone. Friendly, yeah, but I was flirting with you. Then, well, things were clear pretty fast that I wanted you.” Their first date shifted things. If Kass hadn’t stopped back into the comic shop after their first meeting, they might have never gone on that date. Things fell into place for them even if there were some bumpy moments thrown in.

Hearing Kassandra ramble so much made Zoey’s heart feel so full. She was happy the woman was feeling comfortable enough to not play that “too cool” facade that she sometimes wore. “Mm, you’re right, but when I’m with you I don’t really notice anyone else, so I get the effect of being alone either way. Plus, I don’t think anyone will just waltz into our tent. You’re with an isle native. I know all the secluded spots,” she said with a wink as she finished packing up the last of their items and placed her bag on her shoulder. At the sound of a second bout of rambling, Zoey just giggled as she grabbed Kass’ hand and started leading them out of the park. “Mmm, I think you’re great at words. You don’t have to try and be suave or anything with me. I already find you sexy, sweet, and smart. Triple S. You’re golden. As for our pace, I tend to agree with you. Pacing rules are weird to me. If it feels right, and we put in the work, then I’m happy.” Her relationship experience was very limited, but Zoey wasn’t ever really someone to follow societal norms though. It was part of what made her such a loner in a sense in high school. She had friends and was happy, but she usually did her own thing and didn’t care about the rules of what made people popular or not. That was far too exhausting. “The lack of restraint I have with you is shocking. I’ve never had a problem keeping it in my pants. I’ve never gotten turned on to the point of needing to release tension until you. I can keep on having fun on my own like I have been the last few weeks though until we’re ready. Just don’t be too mean of a tease.” If Kass thought Zoey was open before, she was in for a whole new level now that they were in a relationship.

Kassandra:

Kassandra's eyes widened at all the information that greeted her ears, especially that one specific sentence that Zoey had said. "You... Alright! Nope, not thinking about that. We're going to sleep on the beach, after making out knowing us and not going any further because I'm still... Not ready for that yet. Which is surprising, I'm sure, given the fact that I've... Well, you know. Either way, c'mon let's go." Kassandra grabbed Zoey's hand with her own, other hand holding onto the basket that held all the items she'd brought including the blanket that was barely stuffed inside. As they walked to her car, the conversation was light, Kass just happy to be in the presence of the other woman. Eventually they made their way to one of the more secluded sections of the beach, obviously facing the east shores of the isle. With practiced ease, Kassandra assembled the tent and rolled out the sleeping bags. Biting her lip, she quickly knelt down and did something she'd only done when she was a kid; Kassandra took the two sleeping bags and opened them before zipping them together to make one big sleeping bag. A light blush covered her cheeks as she turned back to Zoey, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly. "I didn't want space... If that's okay, I mean."

Zoey:

There was absolutely nothing in the world more amusing and adorable than watching Kassandra West ramble. Zoey would be willing to argue with anyone about that fact too. It was just so cute to watch the brunette get flustered over things that the artist knew she usually didn’t get bothered over. It was touching in a way. “It’s not surprising. I know you see yourself in a certain way, but I don’t. You’re just Kass to me, okay? My sweet, secret nerd, girlfriend. No need to fight against old images or expectations with me.” Zoey wasn’t the type to use past things against anyone. Things with her were a clean slate. That’s how she operated.

Once they got to the beach, and Zoey helped lead them to a spot she knew was secluded, she couldn’t help but smile. She grabbed the woman’s hand and lightly tugged her in for a kiss. “It’s perfect. Now, come on. I think you promised me some making out,” she said with a smirk as she led them into the tent.

#zoey ft. kassandra #kassandra #cinnamon roll meets sinnamon roll #discord 4

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thegoddessofliterature · 4 years

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A pretty long spoiler-filled reveiw of ACOMAF

-posted this reveiw on my goodreads around June and decided to share it now on Tumblr.

Reread this gem and love it even more than the first time. Of course, reading a good book for the first time is always special and you don't know any of the plot twists and turns. Not knowing what is gonna happen in a story is my favorite thing about reading. Sarah blew me away with her captivating writing style and amazing world building that left wanting more .The is the first book that made me cry and I don't easily cry in books which just proves my love for this book. Rhysand stole my heart. I just love him so much. I know most of you probably didn't like him in the first book but once you read this one you will change your mind. You can thank me later.

Moving on, let's dive straight into spoilers, if you adored this book as much as me. Most just me gushing over our precious bat boi.

Sarah did a great job at fooling me. Just like Feyre, I was blind to the red flags that displayed the unhealthy and toxic relationship between Feylin. Upon my second read, I could clearly see all the signs and read between the lines and kept thinking "why didn't I realize this sooner?''

I really liked the lesson that the author taught us about unhealthy and healthy relationships. You usually don't see the latter in most NA or even YA. And I despise Tamlin. He is everything that I hate in a man,controlling,abusive and anti feminist. I was so pissed at him for lying to Feyre that Rhys killed his family. The tool himself, had murdered Rhys family and I will never forgive him for that

Me to Tamlin “ I hope that burn..”

I could write a whole essay on professing my love for Rhysand but even that wouldn't be enough for me.

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. He is no 1 on my fictional boyfriends list. No other male character can compare to him.

Just like Feyre, I wasn't expecting him to be the good guy. And, just as she was unaware of falling for him,I was too. I didn't even realize how attached I grew to Rhys until I got a spoiler that he was going to die. I legit got an ache in my heart and felt like crying. That's the beauty of books when a character feels real even they sadly aren't. Thankfully, he survived and if he didn't then I wouldn't have been able to forgive Sarah/

Why do I adore the Highlord of the Night Court?

He is so precious and a major feminist. He is humble and strong ( even when he has been through so much). My heart breaks for him. His story is too emotional for me to read without crying (on my second time reading). Not only did he lose his parents but his sister too. We never got to know how old she was but she was young. We never got to see his mother and baby sister. That makes my heart shatter in a million pieces but as if that wasn't enough, He didn't see his friends for 50 years. He was trapped under the mountain for so long and raped by that bitch and he endured it just to protect his city and family (the inner circle). As if he didn't have enough on his plate, he watched Feyre be taken away from him twice. He watched the girl he loved be in love with another man (his enemy who had killed his parents and sister) and yet he let her be happy (even if she was mate). After all of this torture and pain, he is still so kind and sweet and caring. He still think he isn't enough even though he sacrificed so much. He would rather put himself in torture than let something happen to Feyre or the Inner Circle.

And what I love most about him, is the freedom he gave Feyre. He isn't controlling like most men. He trusts Feyre and believes she can fight for herself but he will be there to protect if she needed him. Of course he cares for but isn't overprotective. Their relationship is so pure and healthy and I love it. I love how humble he is. Being the most Powerful HighLord of all the seven courts, you would expect him to be a rich snob but he is far from that.

I loved how much Feyre grew from that naive girl to a strong and badass woman. I could barely recognize her while rereading Acotar. It felt as there were two seperate girls in the two books. This is one of the best character development I have ever seen. My heart broke for what she went through. I could relate to her about some stuff minus the under the mountain scene (ofc). And I was so happy when she survived her depression and ptsd all because of Rhysand.

And I got so attached to whole inner circle, as if they were my family too. And I love Mor more than Amren because I could relate to her too besides the fact how sweet and strong she was

The whole book was a pure joy to read but my favorite parts were Starfall, The Summer Court and Court of Nightmares.

Starfall: It was such a beautiful celebration. Unlike, the ones in the spring court despite its pretty name. I loved the idea of stars falling down from the sky. Everyone was at their happiest. It was also sad to read knowing this was the first Starfall Rhys had after Amrantha. The fact that she knew how much it meant to him and yet she made him service her without his consent and on purpose. My hatred is like a burning sun. Moving on, I squealed at the moment when Mor and Feyre were talking and then Rhys came up behind them. My heart burst of joy when Feyre heard his voice and turned around. He took her to the balcony for her to experience Starfall at its prettiest. They had their cute moments and it was the moment when they were falling in love but didn't admit it yet to each other. Rhys hadn't laughed like that in ages, pure and a real laugh like Feyre hadn't smiled filled with pure joy ever since she was turned into a fae.

Summer Court: I loved Tarquin too. And I enjoyed the feysand moments at the court. Their constant back and forth banter and flirting. That's where the famous quote " To all the stars who listen and the dreams that are answered came from.

Court of Nightmares: This scene was so sexy and made my cheeks turn a deep shade of red. I loved how Rhys gave Feyre a choice whether she wanted to join him and the play the part or stay at home. It was her own choice that made her say " I wanna do it" and yet Rhys still felt guilty. Even when it wasn't like he forced or anything. He would never do that. I enjoyed them teasing each other. I was captivated by Rhys beauty. I love the real Rhys but I lust for the "evil" Rhys, the mask that he wears to protect his loved ones.

And that ending, I wasn't expecting that. I feel bad for those who had to wait a year or more for the next book esp after that gripping yet lovely cliffhanger. I didn't had to since the whole serious was already out. It was emotional even when Feyre was pretending to be in Rhys control. They work well so together. Rhys understood her plan through that bond and he acted so well. ( he actually deserves an oscar for his great acting of a bad guy). Tears rolled down my cheeks when the bond snapped and Feyre fell down to her knees, screaming in pain. Even Rhys. Sara tricked us but I was so grateful for that. That chapter in Rhys pov (the only chapter) was so precious. I was shook when he declared that Feyre is his Highlady and equal and the bond was never broken. It was just the bargain. And I loved how cunning Feyre. She is so smart and badass. Pretending to be in love with Tamlin (her ex), only to take him down along with his court.

This book brings me pure joy and reading it for the second time gave me a different perspective. I noticed things I didn't before. This time, I knew about Rhy's backstory so it was more emotional than the first time. And I didn't think of this sooner but I have a theory that Jurain knew all along that Rhys wasn't Amrantha's whore but was raped by her (sobs and gets angry). Esp, when he mentioned that he was forced to watch everything that bitch did due to the ring she made out of his eye. And he was the only one who was shocked when Feyre was pretending to hate Rhys. He knew since he screamed "What?'' when she told the king to break the bond.

Damn, this is the longest review I have ever written. No regrets though.

If you have read this far, be sure to follow my goodreads for more reviews. Link in my bio.

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ageless-aislynn · 5 years

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5 Fav Male Characters

Tagged by the awesomesauce @nalufever Thanks so much! :D

1. Harrison Wells/Eobard Thawne, The Flash

Technically Eobard-as-Harrison isn’t the same as all of the versions of Harrison Wells we’ve seen, I know, but HE HAS HIS FACE SO I’MMA COUNTING HIM AS A (DIS)HONORARY WELLS. :P ;)

Anyway, I do love all variations of Harrison Wells but a special shout-out to Harry, just ‘cause. And darn it, Eobard, you know I love you despite your evil ways. ;)

2. Ben Solo/Kylo Ren, Star Wars: The Force Awakens/The Last Jedi/The Rise of Skywalker

I just pretend the last, like, 10 seconds or so of his screen time in TRoS just DOESN’T EXIST and it makes me a happier person. We did get a redeemed Ben Solo and a beautiful Reylo kiss, so I take what comfort I can from that. Still, he deserved better but... ah well. I love him and I always will. Don’t worry, boo, fics and vids will make it all better. ;) ♥

3. Captain Christopher Pike, Star Trek: Discovery

Yeah, so I just flat-out, 1001% LOVE MY GORGEOUS CAPTAIN. And it’s not just because he’s beautiful eye-candy (though he is ;) ) but I love his kindness. He has a strength that isn’t about ego and toxic masculinity, he’s willing to listen to other points of view and, if he realizes he was wrong, he acts accordingly. I just.. I need a real life Christopher Pike, okay? I just do. ;)

4. Nyx Ulric, Kingsglaive

Yep, he’s hot. *ba-dum-tsss* ;) But beyond that, my boy is covering his broken heart with about 30 layers of snark that Luna cuts through like they’re not even there. I love him so much. *draws flaming hearts all around him* ;)

5. Garcia Flynn, Timeless

Much like the last few minutes of TRoS, we DO NOT SPEAK OF THE TIMELESS CHRISTMAS MOVIE IN THIS HOUSE. NO. The last we saw of Flynn, he was about to give Lucy True Love’s Kiss and that was going to heal all of their wounds, both physical and emotional and THEY WERE GOING TO GET THEIR FAMILIES BACK AND THEN HAVE A WONDERFUL REST OF THEIR LIVES TOGETHER.

Seriously, though, Flynn is such a complex character. When you meet him in s1, he just seems like a boo-hiss villain but then you keep getting these glimmers that there’s more to him. I began to really get intrigued by his relationship with Lucy. By the time s2 rolled around, though, I was a full-on Garcy convert. He took this awesome character journey of being willing to do anything to achieve his goals to beginning to care about other people. The main thing I loved in s2, besides all of the Garcy, of course, was how he began working with the other members of the team as well.

I have to include this scene! It makes me laugh every time, lol! FLYNN IT UP, FLYNN! (Warning for blood and up-close gun violence at 1:07. The only part of it I wish had been toned down. ;) )

youtube

5b. Din Djarin, The Mandalorian

Look, he’s just a Single Space Dad Doing The Best He Can, okay??? ;) He’s both a badass and a bit of a dork and I love him so much for that, I can’t even tell you! I had to squish him in here because you can’t leave out the Mando!dad, it just isn’t done! ;) ♥♥♥

#harrison wells #kylo ren #captain christopher pike #garcia flynn #din djarin #nyx ulric #5 favorite male characters meme

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foreverreadingbeautifulbooks · 5 years

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Jonsa Fic Recs: Season 7 and 8 Fix-It Fics

So I started to make a rec post per a lovely anon request and honestly I couldn’t stop once I got started (my love for these fics knows no bounds and I ranted about each of them in italics below). There are so many talented writers in this fandom and tons of them have poured so much time and energy into writing such amazing fics that I wish they’d been given the reins to write the ending of the show. I tried to arrange all my recs below the cut in order of when they diverge from canon. Enjoy these fics and be sure to give these authors all some love cause they deserve so much of it! <3

wolf, circle north by MissFaber

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 130,532

Canon Compliant through: 6x10

Summary: Sansa and Jon fought to take Winterfell, now they will fight to keep it— against a dead army and their king, a dragon queen, a lioness, and a schemer with a poison tongue. + an alternate season 7 & season 8

I just found this fic a few days ago and even though I’m not entirely caught up yet, I had to add it to the list because I am already in love! Every interaction between Jon and Sansa is so in character and so well-written. The slow burn is already killing me and I need more of it immediately.

and no net ensnares me by @athimbleful

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 130,532

Canon Compliant through: 7x07

Summary: Since Jon left, Sansa has struggled to keep things together and she longs for his return. However, when he does return things only become worse. Jon learns about his parentage and doesn't know how to make sense of anything, how to fix the inevitable mess the reveal will create, or how to protect the people he loves. But at least, after all these years, the pack is finally back together. Then, one day, Sansa disappears. Post season 7 fic.

I adore this fic so much! Seriously, I pulled an all-nighter when I found this fic because as soon as I started reading it I couldn’t put it down! It’s that good! The plot is incredible the characterizations are great, the endings of the villains work perfectly in the story, all the Starks are so smart and actually use the abilities they’ve spent seasons gaining, and the ending is perfect! (I mean every fic by @athimbleful is amazing, but this one in particular is probably my favorite because I found it right when I was feeling down about the S8 finale and it helped remind me why I love Game of Thrones and Jonsa so incredibly much!)

they tumble down by @athimbleful

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 165,196

Canon Compliant through: 7x07

Summary: He meets her gaze for the shortest moment before turning to look out over the woods, gesturing at it with a gloved hand. “Is this why you brought me here? To talk about memories?”

“No. I wanted to talk about marriage.”

When Sansa suggests it's time for her and Jon to marry, she means they should make marriage alliances with the other Northern houses. Jon, though, assumes she means they should marry each other.

A post s7 story where Jon and Sansa struggle to navigate their new political landscape while suppressing their feelings for one another, Arya does everything in her power to protect her pack, and Bran and Sam try to figure out how to kill the Night King.

This fic is amazing. I adore the plot of the fic and I always love a good Arranged Marriage AU. But I love this one in particular because Jon and Sansa are so soft with each other and it just melts me every time! <3

what do you want (that you do not have) by @athimbleful

Rating: Teen Current Word Count: 80,865

Canon Compliant through: 7x07

Summary: When the Winterfellians learn that Cersei has hired men to kidnap Sansa, they decide that Sansa needs to run away and Jon volunteers to protect her. During their travels the tension builds between them--especially after Jon suffers an injury and they're taken in by an older couple. Because, in hopes of protecting their identities, Jon and Sansa have to pretend to be happily married and in love. Every day. In close quarters. For quite some time.

Takes place after the war against the NK is won. Not a kidnapping fic.

I love every second of this incredible fic, even when it hurts how in love both Jon and Sansa are with each other when neither believes the other could love them back. Fair warning that the slow burn is ssslllooowww (thimbleful is literally the queen of the slow burn) and every painful second of it is amazing! The result of this author’s fics are always so satisfying and I hope you all love it as much as I do!

A Heart That Offends by @noqueenbutthequeeninthenorth

Rating: Mature Word Count: 44,583 Canon Compliant through: 7x07

Summary: Jon comes home. Unfortunately, he brings Daenerys with him. The Northerners are furious, Arya can hardly look at him, Bran needs to tell him something important, and Sansa -- well, Sansa is haunting Jon's every thought. Just another post-S7 fic.

As with everything this author writes, this fic is so satisfying in the best possible way! All the characters are so beautifully written and the conversations and fights between Jon and Sansa are absolute perfection! Lyanna Mormont and Arya are both incredibly badass and the politics are amazing! I loved every second of reading it!

we are buried in broken dreams by annabeth_writes

Rating: Explicit Current Word Count: 49,373 Canon Compliant (mostly) through: 7x07

Summary: Sansa and Jon sleeping together before he goes to Dragonstone and when he comes back he finds out she is pregnant.

A full on s8 fix-it fic at this point.

This fic is so full of Jonsa feels that it makes you want to burst. Pregnant Sansa is so brave and amazing. I adored watching her find out everything she could about Daenerys and then use that information to her advantage. The fic is very well-written so enjoy if you check this one out!

victory is in my veins (oh ye of so little faith) by LadyAlice101

Rating: Explicit Current Word Count: 131,955 Canon Compliant (mostly) through: 7x07

Summary: “Jon,” Sansa says quietly, her hands twisting together in front of her. “Tell me the truth. Do you love her?”

He starts, eyes widening. “Love her?”

That’s all the confirmation she needs, but Jon rushes onward, stepping closer to her, hands outstretched and voice nervous, reassuring, as if he were a husband swearing to his wife that he loves only her.

“Sansa, no, no, gods, after this, I hope I never have to see her again.”

The Season 8 we deserved. (and that the characters deserved) (yeah i'll die mad about s8, sue me)

This fic was fabulous. It was genuinely so satisfying to read something with a better plot for the Starks (who actually talk to each other, what a concept?!) for every single episode of Season 8. (Seriously, any good therapist will recommend this as a cleanse for your soul! lol)

At Dawn We Break, At Dusk We Stand by misspensandscribbles

Rating: Mature Word Count: 55,758 Canon Compliant through: 7x07

Summary: "Forgive me," he tells her, his voice is almost inaudible but there is no mistaking the pleading in his tone. He must only fall to his knees before her, and then he'll be no different from the slaves and beggars she had seen in King's Landing.

"For what, your Grace?" she asks, her voice cold and detached. She sees him wince as though her words have cut through his skin, yet she remains unmoved. She cannot afford to let herself feel now.

He doesn't answer her question. Instead, he offers an explanation. "I couldn't allow the North to go through yet another war, Sansa, especially not one against dragons."

Oh my gosh, this fic! I’m in love with the plot and Sansa is so brilliant and badass throughout every second. The politics are to die for and the tension between Jon and Sansa is sssoooo intense. Also, I am also always a fan of Jaime Lannister as the sworn sword to Sansa and I adore their relationship in this fic!

oh you fool, there are rules (the reckoning begins) by by @cat-stark

Rating: Mature Current Word Count: 39,051 Canon Compliant through: 6x08

Summary:For some reason, it’s Theon Greyjoy’s voice in Rickon's head as he begins to run. “If you ever find yourself on the wrong end of a bow, don’t run straight.”

- or -

Baelish bastard. Lady Lannister. Lady Bolton. All names for one woman, the caged wolf who had learned how to play the game better than anyone. She would win the game for her family. She would do her duty to her king and country.

Never let it be said the daughter of Eddard Stark was without honor.

I adore literally everything about this fic. The plot is amazing and the characters have been written so beautifully. The author has managed to perfectly capture Sansa’s headspace, which is incredible to read. It’s been absolutely heartbreaking to watch her deal with some of the situations handed to her, but she does it with such love, grace, and political acumen that I can’t get enough of it. Please note that this is a complete Season 8 rewrite that has major departures from Season 7 and a few from Season 6.

To Be In Your Arms Again by ScullyLikesScience

Rating: Mature Current Word Count: 43,500 Canon Compliant through: 8x03

Summary: Jon goes south to help Daenerys win the Iron Throne. Sansa goes south to save him.

"In winter, I plot and plan. In spring, I move." ~ Henry Rollins

It’s amazing just how much the Starks communicating with each other makes me happy in fics now, but this fic has them working together very well and I loved it! I also truly enjoyed the political conclusion of this fic.

The Triumph of Winter by @foreverreadingbeautifulbooks

Rating: Mature Current Word Count: 28,754 Canon Compliant through: 8x05

Summary: Jon's heart constricted at the thought of his Sansa standing proud and defiant as dragonflames consumed her. “How could you do that?” he yelled. “How could you think that your death was an acceptable outcome?”

“You hypocrite!” she responded, throwing the accusation in his face as she stepped in closer, chest heaving in time with his own. “As if you hadn’t used your own life as a bargaining chip to save the North - to save our family. I can play the same game, Jon. I’ve watched too many members of my family die for me to surrender you to the flames, not when I might be able to save your life with mine! Not- ”

“Sansa!” Jon cut her off, aghast at her words as he stepped in and gripped her arms. “Your life is far more important than mine could ever be.”

She met his eyes defiantly, a fury contained in them that ignited his bones. “Not to me.”

- or -

The political landscape has changed in the aftermath of Daenerys Targaryen's decimation of King's Landing. As the wolves and the dragons prepare for another battle, the realm can only hold its breath and wonder who will win the Game of Thrones after this.

I hope it’s not too presumptuous to add my own fic to this list as I’m having so much fun writing my own Season 8 fix-it fic. This is my attempt to answer all the questions I was left with at the end of the season as most were never addressed. It’s filled to the brim with Stark sibling moments, Pol!Jon, friendships, political intrigue, magic, and, of course, Jonsa.

Brave, Gentle, and Strong by @the-last-of-the-starks

Rating: Not Rated Current Word Count: 12,991 Canon Compliant (mostly) through: 8x05

Summary: Jon and Arya return to Winterfell proceeding the sack of King's Landing to help rebuild their childhood home and a fallen Westeros. But will Jon and Sansa be able to rebuild their trust in one another and finally reveal their deepest, darkest secrets, or will those secrets tear them apart forever?

This fic is lovely and so far it’s been really interesting to get inside Jon and Sansa’s heads as they contemplate their relationship and everything that’s happened to them since they were first separated when Jon left for Dragonstone. As with many fics, I want to lock the two of them in a closet and not let them out till they talk to each other! I’m looking forward to more updates for this fic whenever they’re posted.

there is a crack, a crack in everything (that’s how the light gets in) by sansaswildlinglover

Rating: Not Rated Current Word Count: 12,991 Canon Compliant (mostly) through: 8x05

Summary: When King's Landing falls, Sansa marches south, still unaware that the future of the Seven Kingdoms lies in her hands, and that the peace she will broker comes with a price...

Sansa finds herself back in Winterfell, separated from her family by distance, duty and yet another secret, raising another bastard child as she rebuilds herself, the castle and the North.

Jon heals in the True North, finding his own worth again, and discovering that even after being lost, he can find purpose in his own heart and mind again, even burdened by the crippling guilt and resentment which will take him many years to learn how to carry and let go.

Ten years is a long time, but they say time heals all wounds. But what if time only adds more complications? Winter is always coming, and even family, duty and honour are at odds sometimes.

This one is currently on hiatus, but I am looking forward to when it comes back because so far the characterizations are really good and I absolutely adore the premise of Sansa raising a Lannister bastard in Winterfell!

Dear Jon by @sansa-in-the-north

Rating: Not Rated Current Word Count: 12,053 Canon Compliant through: 8x06

Summary: Sansa drops the quill onto the wooden table carved with the leaves of the heart-tree and leans back in her chair, letting out a loud, exasperated sigh. “Why do I struggle to find the words?”

Her sister’s grey eyes study her face attentively for a heartbeat. “Perhaps you don’t know what to say.”

“I do,” Sansa states without hesitation. “I know what to say.”

“But?”

Sansa shrugs, the thick grey furs draped over her shoulders rising and falling. “I don’t know if he’d like to hear from me.”

“Why wouldn’t he?”

[…]

Jon rises from his seat and folds the letter, holding it tight in his hand, and strides towards the exit doors of the common hall. He looks for some parchment and a quill, and when he finds everything he needs, he takes a deep sigh and prays that his words do not fail him. She apologised, but I’m the one who should ask for forgiveness.

***

Post s8 (partially) epistolary fic in which Sansa and Jon begin exchanging letters to find comfort, solace and, eventually, forgiveness.

This fic is exactly what I hoped it would be when I found a link to it. The letters are sweet and sad and it’s good to see my darling Starks reaching out to each other after everything they’ve been through.

all that's left are your bones by @cat-stark

Rating: Not Rated Current Word Count: 26,214 Canon Compliant through: 8x05 and part of 8x06

Summary: A raven flies North.The King of Westeros has need of a Stark once more.

- or -

A reluctant king must learn to rule.

Jon is such an angry version of himself, but it works so well in this fic where he has been forced to rule a country he never even wanted to reside in. The position and his own resentments have slowly been eating away at his soul and I’m so excited to see where the fic goes next with his character. Sansa is such an amazing queen and it is lovely to see her conducting herself with such grace and dignity no matter what is thrown at her.

wolves without teeth by @cat-stark

Rating: Not Rated Current Word Count: 55,329 Canon Compliant through: 8x06

Summary: It was a common saying in the North, in the endless stretch of years following the Long Night, and the after. The pack survives, whispered the North. A time for wolves will come again. Not like this, Sansa thought desperately.

- or -

Five years after the destruction of King's Landing, Starks emerge from the godswood of Winterfell. Starks who should be dead.

This genuinely might be my favorite Jonsa fic ever. I adore the way my favorite characters get a chance to confront their family members on the ways that they’ve been hurt by them. It features all of the Starks that have been lost throughout the show and it’s lovely to see them again even as they struggle to make sense of the situation that they’ve found themselves in. The characters are all perfectly written and I’ve adored every interaction that each of them has had.

Check out more of my Jonsa fic rec lists here!

#actually jonsa #jonsa fic #jonsa fics #jonsa fanfiction recs #jonsa fic recs #my jonsa fic recs #man I love these fics so incredibly much #I might just have to do a reread of several of these because they're so gooood #for the ones that are still works in progress #I get super excited whenever I see an e-mail update for any of them #<3 #enjoy everyone!!!

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