#timelines are so hard to think of without exact dates

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

*Ages of this post based on information from Jason and Tim's original runs in the 80s, as im still in the process of reading the comics and I respect original runs more anyway

Jason was 12 (pre-crisis, not contradicted) when Bruce adopted him at some point after Dick left, and Dick had left Wayne Manor for about 2 years by the time Jason died (Batman #436) making Jason 14 at death, to turn 15 that year if his birthday is August 16th

Tim is 13 when he introduces himself after Jason's death (Batman #441)

They have like, a 1-2 year age difference

Jason returns to life 6 months after his death, spends 1 year in the hospital, then 1 year on the streets before someone recognizes him as Robin, then 1 year with the league of assassin's before being thrown into the pit (Batman Annual #25)

A total of 3½ years with Jason being dead, in a coma, and running on just instinct and muscle memory before being healed by the pit

Therefore, Jason, while physically older, is largely missing 3½ years of his life

Jason is younger than Tim

Thank you coming to my ted talk

(Dont take this seriously please bcksbdjsnks)

[bless-my-demons]

Redamancy: Chapter Thirteen

Series Summary: What happens when your soulmate is a vampire that struggles to maintain a diet of trying not to kill you? Common sense says run for the hills, nothing is worth your life - but my heart is whispering why not, what’s there to lose?

Warnings: None except for a cuss word and some tooth-rotting fluff

Notes: Oops, I lied - New Moon timeline has been pushed to the right a bit, I got carried away with this chapter lol this one got me cheesin’ hard. I can’t even wait to post this until my regular time, so enjoy!! (Hopefully I didn’t fuck up the tags - thank you to everyone that’s used the google form!)

Word Count: 2701

Series Masterlist

• March 21st, 2005 • Cullen’s Residence •

Reader

The soothing motion of Carlisle’s car came to a gentle stop that didn’t completely wake me up. But the cold arms reaching under me to lift me from the vehicle certainly did. As he began to lift me, Jasper made sure to secure the hem of my dress for my modesty causing me to smile sleepily at his thoughtfulness.

“What are you thinking about, sweetheart?” He asks quietly, speaking softly into my hairline.

“You.” I blush immediately at my whispered confession, keeping my eyes closed and face buried in his shoulder.

“Mmm, I think I like sleepy Y/n.” He says with a chuckle that rumbles through me.

I finally look up at our surroundings, noticing we’re at his house instead of mine.

“Why-”

“Your mom isn’t expecting us until tomorrow afternoon, normal people don’t make a twenty-four hour drive without sleeping.” Somehow he manages to open the front door without setting me down. “So, you’re going to get some rest while I go for a hunt.”

I blink up at him slowly as he continues his path through his house. I get another day with him? Well, however much is left once his hunger is satiated.

“My siblings are at school, Esme is redecorating with one of her clients, and Carlisle is at the hospital so the house is yours for most of the day.” Jasper explains, walking down the hallway and finally into his room before returning me gently back to solid ground.

His massive king bed is as immaculately made as the first time I saw it and just as inviting. The longer I admire the fluffy black duvet and mountain of pillows, the more aware I am of all the little aches and pains sleeping in the car caused. Not to mention the lingering tenderness of my healing ribs and the other broken parts of me.

Jasper turns me to face his black gaze, “Climb in and get some sleep, Esme stocked the kitchen for you and I’ll be back before you know it.” It comes out almost robotic, but I see that he’s trying - his hunger covers every inch of his face and keeps his body rigid.

“Take your time, I won’t leave without you.” I reassure him with a half smile, especially since I never made that exact promise in the hotel.

He leans in to plant a kiss to my temple before he’s gone with a small breeze and a lingering coolness on my skin as the only signs he was just there. Sighing, I slide the thick drapes closed to stop the morning sun from shining through the beautiful floor-to-ceiling windows.

I stop in the doorway to his closet before reaching the bed, contemplating snooping for something more comfortable to sleep in. Would stealing a shirt be too much? We aren’t even dating, but I do have permission to sleep in his bed… the dresser on the far wall tempts me forward. What’s one shirt to a vampire?

Sliding open the middle drawer in search of anything comfier than a dress, a small note card is waiting on top of his neatly folded shirts:

He doesn’t mind one bit.

- A

Christ, this woman thinks of everything. Grinning, I step out of my sundress and pick up a black short sleeve that’s a couple sizes too big. It hits the tops of my thighs, but since I’m home alone - I don’t think twice before climbing into his bed and situating myself for a much needed rest.

Inhaling the scent that’s so distinctly Jasper Hale, sleep finds me easily for the first time in a very long time.

Jasper

She’s in my shirt. In my bed. In my room. My sheets twisted around her legs. My pillows cradling her body. My scent mingling with hers and settling into the walls, the carpet, the bookshelves, the bed, my lungs.

I close my eyes and slowly retreat out of my room, shutting the door almost completely silent and resting my head on the wood.

“You good?” Emmett’s question almost startles me right out of my skin.

I sigh, “That hunt was almost for fucking nothing.” I turn my darkening eyes toward my brother to see surprise sweeping his face.

“You just got back!” He whisper yells with a wide-eyed look, knowing Y/n is asleep.

“She’s-” a low growl gets the better of me and I immediately tamp it down, closing my eyes in concentration.

A chuckle poorly contained slips from my brother and my eyes burst open to give him a deadly glare.

“You got it bad, brother.” He claps my shoulder with one of his massive hands and steers me down the hallway, putting distance between me and my greatest temptation. “You’ve got it so bad.”

Reader

I wake with a yawn and a stretch, relishing in the softness of Jasper’s sheets.

My eyes snap open. Jasper’s sheets.

I’m in Jasper Hale’s bed, wearing his shirt and my underwear and nothing else.

Shooting up into a sitting position, I glance around wildly trying to determine what time it was, but my eyes stop in the corner of his room. Jasper, sitting in a chair reading a book by a dim lamp.

“It’s almost seven, you slept most of the day. How was your nap, darlin’?” Setting his book down on his lap, he meets my gaze with a sly grin before sliding his eyes down my legs. “I see you made yourself comfortable.”

I gasp, “I-I uh-” fumbling for an explanation as to why I’m half-naked in his bed and absolutely failing.

“Sweetheart, it’s alright. A very nice view to come home to, so I guess you could say it’s more than alright.” He stalks forward slowly, light brown eyes holding me in a trance.

I blush deeply at his words and pull the blankets up to my chest, wishing these sheets could swallow me up.

Just then, a knock at the door and Alice pokes her head inside, “Oh good - you’re up! Get decent, everyone is getting together in the living room for movie night!” She finishes with a wink and is gone as fast as she arrived.

Jasper disappears into his closet and re-emerges with a pair of black sweats, setting them in my lap and leaning forward to whisper in my ear, “Can’t have a lady walking around in just my shirt, huh darlin’?”

Watching him duck out of the room so that I can slip on the bottoms, I contemplate making a run for it to put an end to all this teasing. The blush on my cheeks might as well be permanent.

Jasper

Movie night, really? I direct the thought at Edward and watch him throw a bored, pointed look at our scheming sister before leaving.

Alice replies with a grin, tossing me a blanket presumably for Y/n, “Oh hush, I’m just doing my sisterly duty of moving things along.” She floats past us, preparing the rom-com she selected.

“Don’t even look at me.” Rose waves a hand in dismissal as I raise my eyebrows at her, “I want nothing to do with your human.”

“C’mon, babe-” Emmett whines, but stops at the murderous look in his mate’s eyes. He continues anyways with a semi-serious whisper, “It’s the first time in like, forever since he’s even come close to getting any-”

I cut his inappropriate sentence off with a pillow to the face just as Y/n turns the corner into the room.

“Vampires have pillow fights at night?” She asks playfully, scanning the couch for a spot to sit. My clothes are swarming her and it stirs something I thought was long dead in my chest.

“Vampires do a lot of things at-” Emmett teases her, but this time Rosalie is the one to stop him with a smack to his chest.

Shaking my head, I find a spot on the opposite end of the long sectional from Emmett so as to limit the teasing. Embarrassment and a little something else I can’t quite put my finger on flows from her, so I pat the empty space next to me and hold out my hand for her to take. Once she’s settled with her legs tucked against her chest, I turn to ask Alice to press play and find her already giving me a pointed look. I wrap my arm around Y/n and pull her closer to settle against me, my sister smiles self-satisfied before hopping to the couch and starting the movie.

“Relax, sweetheart.” I whisper in her hair and I’m immediately shushed by Rose.

Y/n finally releases the tension in her body about five minutes into the movie and ten minutes after that, her legs are in my lap with the blanket pulled up to her chin.

“Alice, Rose? Can I get your help with opinions for a client?” Esme calls as she walks through the doorway to the garage halfway into the movie. “And Emmett, mind picking up Carlisle after his shift, sweetheart? I took his car this morning.”

All three of my siblings leave the room, Alice tossing me the remote and Emmett not-so-subtly flashing me a wink. He disappears before Y/n could notice and I could throw another pillow.

I feel her nerves ramp up as the house quiets again, I attempt to ground her by sliding a hand around her ankle under the blanket and it immediately has the opposite effect. Turning to her, she’s already watching me with her mouth open ready to say something, but it’s stuck. So my eyes drift to her mouth, lips that have tempted me from day fucking one. I know she sees what I’m fixated on, because her breath hitches and I tighten my grip on her ankle minutely - not to be painful, but a warning.

“Jasper-”

“May I?” I ask zoned in on her lips, unable to even want to hold myself back anymore. A curious Icarus to her solar flame.

She nods in a daze as my fingers trail her chin, but it’s not enough. “Words, darlin’. I need you to-”

But she’s leaning forward with a whisper, “Yes, Jasper.”

I swear time stops as a buzzing drowns my ears. Breaths puff from her beautiful lips in short spurts, anticipation oozes from her. I have to take a few seconds to collect myself, my mind running rampant.

I slide my hand around to cradle the back of her head and tilt it backwards, the tv casting a warm glow on her face. A shiver wracks through her and I tense, “Do not move.” The request is more of an order and she obeys instantly.

Leaning forward, her warm breath fans across my face before it stops with a sharp inhale. The only sound is her pounding heart and I swear it stutters as I gently meet her lips with mine.

Burning. This burning feeling starts where my lips tangle with hers and it travels down my throat to grip my rock-solid heart in a painful squeeze. Her mouth is warm and pliant where mine is cold and unyielding. Her nose is pressed against mine like a puzzle piece I’ve been missing. It’s absolutely bliss, her lips molding to mine, better than any indulgence I could possibly think up. Her quickening heart rate reminds me to reluctantly retreat - humans and their need for air.

I separate just barely from her mouth and she sucks in a gasp that tears my soul from my chest making me want to dive right back in. Opening my eyes to make sure this is in fact reality, hers are still lightly shut, bliss emanating from every single pore.

How on earth do I go about my day now? Knowing this perfection exists? She’s human, I can’t very well spend eternity kissing her here on this couch.

My groan causes her eyes to flash open and I notice they’re completely dilated, a dangerous observation for my control.

“Are you? I-I mean, did you not-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence.” My voice comes out huskier than I’d like and instantly she relaxes in my grip.

I push back a single strand of hair that blew across her face as I let out a long breath, barely an inch of space between us still. My willpower is at an all time low as we continue to stare at each other in somewhat surprise.

“Jaz?”

“Yes, darlin’?” I’m utterly raptured by her, firmly ensnared by this gorgeous girl - even more so than the moment I met her.

“Can… Can I?” Her question is open and tentative, but I can tell exactly what she wants and I’ll be damned if I don’t give it to her.

“Anything you want, it’s yours sweetheart.” It’s my turn to hold still, to wait patiently for her to come to me.

Reader

Holy fucking shit.

This without a doubt is what it’s like to have an addiction at first taste. Jasper Hale just kissed me and I’m about to kiss him, again.

I lean forward and smooth my hands up his chest to the base of his head, my fingers finding the short ringlets that hide under the bulk of his beautiful blonde hair. He’s deathly still with his eyes closed, allowing me to take the lead - but I also know this is a tricky situation with his control.

My nose bumps his as my eyes flutter closed and it’s his turn to elicit a sharp inhale. Nerves begin to flood my throat with cotton, but they’re gone almost as quickly, Jasper wiping them away with probably half a thought.

I closed the minuscule gap and my lips brush his a little deeper this time, relishing in the temperature difference. Kissing Jasper is in a category of its own, gone are the days I’ll ever settle for the warm mouth of any plain boy ever again.

Opening my lips enough to snake my tongue out for just a taste-

Suddenly there’s a couch-worth of separation between us and both of us are gasping for air like we’ve just run a marathon. His eyes are wide and wild, a darker brown than I distinctly remember a few moments ago.

“I-I’m so sorry,” his voice is strained and his hands are digging through his hair roughly, “Forgive me, darlin’-”

He fumbles at a loss for words, mouth opening and closing with no sound. Immediately I feel terrible because I pushed a boundary he wasn’t ready for.

“Jasper, please-I messed up and I’m so sorry.” I plead from my spot, scared to go and comfort him.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I should have my shit together-” but I stop his panicked apology.

“Look at me, please.” His eyes snap to mine at the request. I scoot closer to him slowly, stopping just within arms reach so as not to invade his personal space. “Can you close your eyes and just, feel with me?”

He takes half a second of hesitation before trusting me, his dark eyes snapping closed with a furrow in his brow. Taking a deep breath, I close my own and focus on exuding positive energy. Calm, content, tranquil - my mind running over any remotely helpful feeling to settle his inner turmoil. After a few moments of the impromptu meditation session, I open my eyes feeling much more relaxed. Staring back at me is the face of a much calmer, but shocked man.

“Did that work? I wasn’t sure, but-”

“You… No one has ever done something like that-darlin’.” Once again I’ve rendered him speechless and it brings a smile to my lips.

“Get used to it Hale, you’re stuck with me now.” I tell him, smug.

“Is that so?” He pulls me closer to him with a grin on his lips, the joy in my chest causing a laugh to burst from me as I toss my head back.

There isn’t a single place I’d rather be than his arms and I’m so glad he’s constantly opening pieces of himself up to let me worm my way inside.

Next

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[nolovelingers]

Hi i love you headcanons sooo much 🫶 Do u think you would be able to them for Mindy! I love that girl so much🥹

MINDY M. MARTIN AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧

ೄྀ࿐ requested ! ˊˎ-

headcanons — // cw ! : fluff ,, fem!readers only ,, some nsfw at the bottom ,, brief mention of drinking & weed ,, no cw’s besides that really i luh this girl too 🫶

SFW !!

MINDY MEEKS MARTIN AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND . . . helped you realize just how important and cared for you really are in this world.

there is never a single day that goes by where she doesn’t remind you how much she loves you, holding your face with her hands as she just admires your features with a relaxed look in her eyes and a maladaptive smile.

she seriously never lets you forget it, whether it’s through words or small actions. she’s always expressing her affection in some subtle way.

her arm is always wrapped around you, behind your shoulders, hand on your hip or tucked warmly in your hands. she needs her own reassurance that you’re there by her side and aren’t going anywhere.

she’s a huge film fanatic and movies dates are an absolute must. she does enjoy horror but gets the slightest bit sensitive to it after all the ghostface attacks go down and while she’ll still engage in time to time it’s better for you to encourage her to turn on something more light hearted without saying the exact reason why. if you express you’re worried about her she’ll get defensive and only be determined to watch it more, later waking up in the middle of the night through vivid nightmares and breaking a cold sweat.

she’s big into marvel and will have *lighthearted* debates about it with you if you prefer dc, and if you’re clueless to the both of the fandoms you can expect her to force you to sit down and make you watch all the movies in the film timeline order.

she doesn’t own any of her own comics but has always wanted to get into them, so if you own any of your own, whether if it’s a whole collection to just a few you can expect her to be borrowing them from you constantly.

other than that she’s not a huge book reader, her patience short and hard to keep her attention span captured. she wouldn’t mind it if you ever read her to sleep though, your voice helps lure her into a calm rest.

makeouts are a must and one of her favorite things to do. she’s an extremely experienced kisser and knows exactly what she’s doing. they don’t have to lead to anything spicy but she just adores when your lips are on hers and could kiss you for hours.

saying she’s protective over you is an understatement, she’s extremely paranoid and suspicious of everyone around her and is constantly acting as your guard dog. she’s always making sure you have some sort of weapon on you when you go out and that you always remember the location of at least 2-3 exits around you no matter where you are.

she wants you to keep your location on 24/7. not cause she’s being a clingy or jealous girlfriend but she’s very afraid of something happening to you while she’s not there to help. she checks it almost every hour when she knows you’re out and will shoot a message to make sure you respond.

being close friends with chad is also a given. as much as she hates to admit it, her brother is one of her best friends and if you have his approval it just makes her love you so much more. she can never hide the smile that erupts on her face whenever she witnesses the both of you getting along or playfully teasing each other.

she ties your shoes for you when the laces come undone, opens cans or jars for you if you can’t (or if you get them done, when your nails are too long), has polaroids of you decorated along the walls of her bedroom, and will buy the both of you some form of matching thing. like a keychain, or a piece of jewelry.

she’ll randomly ask you to sign stuff, acting like you’re a celebrity as she teasingly begs for you to write your name on her backpack, a plain tee shirt she owns, the back of her hand, an old pair of shoes she owns, etc.

if you have a job she’ll find any excuse to come and visit you while you’re working, whether it’s by pretending to be a customer or just sneaking in to chat for as long as she could.

one of her favorite things is when you sit in her lap, facing her with one of your free hands practically petting her hair and her arms wrapped around your lower body, rubbing your back or resting her hands on your ass. once again, nothing sexual needs to come from it, she just honestly can’t resist the temptation of her hands wandering. if you’re not comfortable with it she’ll immediately stop and apologize.

and to correspond with this, she likes it when you sit in her lap but loves it when she lays in yours. your thighs are absolutely perfect, it literally doesn’t matter the shape, size or feeling of them shes obsessed with resting her head in your lap and there’s nothing you can do to stop her.

the both of you have a tendency to go to hot topic together and check out the couples jewelry. and she can’t resist going through the pins and sneaking a few she’d think you’d like in her back pocket. she’ll pay for everything else in the store but just doesn’t feel like paying so little for a cheaply made pin. but she loves putting them on her jackets, her backpack and her bags. she also gets so excited when she finds a particular one she’d think you’d like.

making each other a playlist is a must, and she has a problem where she just makes you a new one almost every other month. it’s a routine at this point and if she ever forgets or just doesn’t have the time to one month it gets you a bit sad, thinking maybe she’s finally lost interest. she’ll remember to do it the next time she opens her music app though.

she practically lives at your dorm/place at this point. if you live at the dorms you asked the school to make you a new key, pretending you lost yours, and then gave it to her. now she’ll come over all the time without even asking, send you a random text she was on her way over without discussing it first or that she was already at the door. sometimes you would come home after being gone for hours just to find her lounged on your couch; your snacks in her hands (and in her mouth) while watching a movie.

one of her favorite activities to do with you is to drink and just hang out. she gets very sappy, affectionate and when she drinks most of the time she doesn’t hold back since it’s not like a frequent thing. she likes to get blackout and you’re forced to take care of your girlfriend; who has now become a koala bear as she drunkenly holds onto your leg and cries and giggles about how much she loves you. she’s also a very clumsy drunk and almost always ends up hurt the next day, falling into things, running into walls and tripping over air. then the next day when the hangover hits she swears up and down she’ll never get drunk again in between groans of agony just to do it again in a week.

getting high together is also something she loves to do. it’s such an awakening experience that just deepens her love for you as she feels very comfortable and relaxed in your presence. she also loves the very dumb conversations you have together about the most meaningless things.

facemasks are also a must. she loves it when you do her skincare because she doesn’t have a routine for herself and so on occasion you’ll do some treatment for her. she hates those paper masks because they feel slimey and cold against her skin but she’ll do them if you have them. she likes when you put a charcoal or clay mask on her skin and acts like some sort of strange creature.

constantly making movie references that you don’t understand most of the time. and when you don’t get one of her comparisons she’ll force you to watch the film immediately and explain in detail what she meant.

if you try to talk during one of the movies she picks she’ll hush you immediately, wanting you to pay total attention to it unless it’s one the both of you have seen before. but when it’s her turn for her to watch a movie of your choice she’s yet to see but you have she’ll be a total hypocrite, talking and adding loud dialogue the entire way through. she’s also the type to ask you questions about a plot to a movie you’ve both never seen before and actually expecting you to be able to answer.

you have a long snapstreak going with her that you both mourn anytime it’s reset. and she’s got a highlight of you on her instagram that she updates once or twice a week.

she’ll ask you what your favorite marvel character is and if it’s one she doesn’t like she will fight you. (not really, but she’ll trash talk the character and get super defensive if you try to do the same to hers.)

she’s actually very trusting of you in the relationship and the only times she ever gets jealous is if a girl is outwardly flirting with you even after being aware that you’re dating someone.

random kisses constantly, she’ll gently turn your chin to face her or cup your chin and bring you into a kiss without any warning before hand.

she loves to do cute challenges with you. for example the chapstick challenge, where you buy a pack of flavored/scented chapstick and kiss the other while they try to guess the flavor. or doing the same thing with lipstick, but instead of trying to guess the flavor just seeing if it was kiss proof or not. but she doesn’t own makeup except for maybe a cheap mascara and a thing of eyeliner she almost never touches; so it would have to be yours or just not one you partake in.

going along with the no makeup thing, she would gladly let you do hers if you have any. she’d be the perfect little test subject for practicing your makeup skills on others if it wasn’t for her randomly goofing off and trying to eat the lipstick or the wands.

there’s definitely been at least a time or two where she does actually get jealous over chad if you have a good relationship with him. it doesn’t matter if you’re lesbian, bi, pan, omni or unlabeled she with subliminally have the thought that you’re gonna leave her for her twin brother. you of course reassure her and remind her of the love you hold for her. she’s not ever the type to blame you for her jealousy. she wouldn’t ignore you or get angry because of her own feelings and actually much prefers to talk it through with you than suffering alone or in silence.

she’s not afraid to speak her mind or be bold. it can get a bit embarrassing from the occasional time to time if you’re out in public with strangers but you’re quick to laugh about it.

pda is a must with her and if you ever receive looks or judge mental comments she’s quick to reply and call someone out on their behavior and won’t back down till they apologize or walk away. she loves showing you off and that doesn’t change whether it’s behind opened or closed doors, but it definitely does simmer down. but like don’t be surprised if she randomly wants to make out with you even though you’re at a friends house together and hanging out with multiple other people.

she’s quick to warn you about her suspicions of ethan to alert you; which saves you a lot in the long run. you avoid him and try not to hang out with the group when you’re lead to believe ethan may be there or suspiciously couldn’t make it only for everyone to get attacked by ghostface the same night.

she loves to dance with you. and not like a slow dance, im talking jumping up and down, bobbing her head, shouting the lyrics and swinging her arms up and down while hopping around you to shit like ‘lovefool’ by the cardigans.

the both of you have tried every two player mobile game known to man and could spend hours day on the couch with her legs in your lap playing things like fashion frenzy on roblox to game pigeon.

if you ever get sick she’ll want to stay with you the entire time till you’re feeling better and once you finally do now she’s the one under the weather and expects you to do the same as she did with you. she’s actually grown to love it when she gets ill cause it’s basically a guarantee she’ll be the only one or thing with your attention for at least a few days and if she feels that attention drifting from her she’ll act like such a little kid and act like she’s dying.

she’ll never admit it but she loves to be babied by you.

overall she’s just a very straight-forward person who gives someone her entire body and soul when she cares about them. but she is also a very independent person who can survive when left on her own.

NSFW !!

im definitely getting more top/dom vibes from her.

she knows what she wants in the bedroom and has a lot of experience from past relationships. she’s able to find all the ways to please a woman immediately and have her head buried in your cunt with your thighs clutched around her curls, muffled moans leaving her lips as she watches the way your back arches and legs shake in pleasure.

she’s willing to try almost everything at least once.

she loves eating you out, it’s almost like an obsession at this point. it’s one of her favorite things to do and anytime you let her she’s quick to shuffling between your legs with an eager smile.

when she’s on the receiving end she’ll talk you through it, telling you what feels good and what doesn’t with no shame. she’s also got a decently high sex drive and is able to last through at least 3-4 good orgasms as long as there’s some short break time inbetween.

she loves to tease you, especially when cuddling. one of her favorite things to do is be the big spoon and slide one of her legs between yours, bringing her knee up to your clit that still has fabric protecting your core and move just slightly, taking pleasure in seeing you try to desperately dry hump her leg.

started 08.08.23. finished 08.08.23.

*ೃ༄ a / n : thank you for the request anon ! i love opening the app to seeing new messages or prompts and i hope that this is to your liking. requests are open and if you’ve already sent in one it’s currently being worked on ! <3 im sorry about the nsfw section being so short , i was getting kinda sleepy more than halfway through this and felt like the quality was slowly declining so i didn’t wanna keep digging myself a hole LOL

( scream masterlist )

©️nolovelingers 2023

[likeadevils]

Speak Now Timeline

This is a very long post that puts all the songs on Speak Now in order of Taylor creating them. I’ve also added a few other songs she wrote while writing Speak Now and quotes from Taylor and her collaborators talking about her process.

If you don't want to read all that, check out this playlist of the album in order or this playlist of her entire discography.

Due to a surprising amount of digital decay and her life not being highly documented yet, exact dates are bit harder to come by then they are with following albums, but you can still find a few! I’ve added this color coded scale of how sure I am of the date: 

Confirmed: There is some type of official source for the date

Inferring: Nobody has officially said “This is when we wrote it,” but everything points to that date

Speculation: This date is based off pure vibes and guesswork and is highly likely to change.

Unknown: All that is known is the year (from the US Copyright Offices)

More notes: I will probably be editing it as information about vault songs and new details about old songs get come out, so it probably won’t be finished until July, so check back in with this post and/or follow me if you want updates. Most tweet dates come from crawling through the wayback machine, but if you want further sourcing, feel free me an ask/dm.

Without further ado...

Sparks Fly: Late 2006 (Inferring)

Taylor opened up for Jake Owen on October 31, 2006 In Portland, Oregon (the secret message for the song), and wrote Sparks Fly about the experience shortly after. I’ve seen a few second hand sources say she wrote it on the airplane ride back to Nashville later that same night, but I can’t find Taylor herself saying that, so it might just be an old fandom legend, or the source has been lost to digital decay, or I just haven’t looked hard enough. She first performs the song in May 29, 2007.

Haunted: 2009 (Unknown)

Taylor: "Haunted" is about the moment that you realize the person you're in love with is drifting and fading fast. And you don't know what to do, but in that period of time, in that phase of love, where it's fading out, time moves so slowly. Everything hinges on what that last text message said, and you're realizing that he's kind of falling out of love. That's a really heartbreaking and tragic thing to go through, because the whole time you're trying to tell yourself it's not happening. I went through this, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night and writing this song about it.

February 17, 2009: Tweets "It's 3:58 am in London.. And I accidentally fell asleep at 6:30 pm, so now I'm wide awake and have no idea what to do. Write a song?"

It’s possible that this was what Taylor was referring to when she said she “ended up waking up in the middle of the night and writing [Haunted]”, but it’s also very possible that Taylor didn’t write a song on February 17, and waking up in the middle of the night and writing a song is not a rare occurrence in Taylor’s life, so one tweet doesn’t really prove anything.

March 13, 2009: Tweets "A day off in Sydney. Drove two hours out of the city and spent the day on the beach. Wrote a chorus you'll hear on the next record. :)"

Pure speculation, but I think she was working on Mr. Perfectly Fine. It was created in 2009, and in my opinion, of the possible songs it has the most notable chorus.

March 19, 2009: Posts on Myspace “I’m wiped out. I’ve been in the studio all day ( I know, I know.. We JUST put out a new album. I think I have a problem, I cannot stop writing songs.) It’s so much fun knowing that you can take your time, because you have like a year and a half to make something you’re really proud of. I love recording a few songs, waiting a few months, recording a few more.. Instead of devoting a few weeks to “record the album” and then it’s just done. I like dragging it out, that way you can be meticulous about every detail. Daydream about different ways to put the songs together, and then take them apart. I’m pretty obsessed with the whole process. So needless to say, it was good to be back in the studio with my redheaded producer who I missed terribly.”

If This Was A Movie: April 2009 (Inferring)

Taylor has literally never talked about this song, but April would be six months after and Joe Jonas broke up in late September/early October 2008.

April 24, 2009: Taylor plays in Jonesboro, Arkansas, and possibly writes a song: "I'd get my best ideas at 3:00 AM in Arkansas, and didn't have a co-writer around and I'd just finish it. And that would happen again in New York [likely Enchanted], that would happen again in Boston [likely Long Live], that would happen again in Nashville." (x)

May 23, 2009: Taylor records Half Of My Heart with John Mayer

On March 1, 2009: John Mayer tweeted: “Waking up to this song idea that won’t leave my head. 3 days straight now. That means it’s good enough to finish. It’s called Half of My Heart and I want to sing it with Taylor Swift. She would make a killer Stevie Nicks in contrast to my Tom Petty of a song.” On May 23, John Mayer tweeted "I couldn't get Taylor Swift on my record so I found the world's greatest impersonator, Laura Jacksheimer" with a picture of Taylor.

Superman: Spring 2009 (Speculation)

This could have been written any time in 2009, but due to it's general sound and the following quote, I’d guess it was written sometime in spring, when her and John Mayer first started working together. Taylor: “This was a guy that I was sort of enamored with, as usual. This song got its title by something that I just kinda said randomly in conversation. He walked out of the room, I looked over at one of my friends and said, ‘Man, It’s just like watching Superman fly away.’”

May 29, 2009: Posts on Myspace “Tomorrow, after the performance on the Today show, I’ll fly back to Nashville and record a lot of new songs I’ve written in the last few weeks. I’m really excited about that.” (She also posts "Tonight I went shopping at Top Shop in New York with the band. I got purple shoes. I’m really excited about the purple shoes, and I just needed to tell someone. I got purple shoes. Ok. That’s done." Which. If I had a nickel for everytime Taylor teased her new album by posting about shoe colors I'd have two nickels, which isnt a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.)

June 4, 2009: Posts on Facebook "In the studio. I don't know whose computer I'm using. Pssh.. Such a rebel right now.."

June 9, 2009: Tweets (about recording Thug Story) "If I said I was in the studio with T-Pain, would you believe me?"

Better Than Revenge and Let’s Go (Battle): June 2009 (Inferring)

These were probably written sometime between June 12, when the Jonas Brothers released “Much Better”, and July 1, when Taylor posted on Myspace: “What else is new.. Recording a bunch of new songs. Lots of new things to write about…..”

Last Kiss: 2009 (Unknown)

Taylor: "The song "Last Kiss" is sort of like a letter to somebody. You say all of these desperate, hopeless feelings that you have after a breakup. Going through a breakup you feel all of these different things. You feel anger, and you feel confusion, and frustration. Then there is the absolute sadness. The sadness of losing this person, losing all the memories, and the hopes you had for the future. There are times when you have this moment of truth where you just admit to yourself that you miss all these things. When I was in one of those moments I wrote this song."

July 22, 2009: Tweets "Hanging with my producer Nathan, discussing the next adventure" and then in a separate tweet "...album #3."

August 25, 2009: An interview with Nick Buda, Taylor's go-to drummer, is posted and he says: "Sitting here in Blackbird right now in the process of starting Taylor Swift's new record I guess. We've been here the last couple days and we're here today again." Throughout the interview, you can hear If This Was A Movie playing in the background. (Thank you to @taylor-on-your-dash for finding the interview!)

Never Grow Up: Fall 2009 (Speculation)

Lover Diary Nathan Chapman: "The song 'Never Grow Up' is just she singing and I on acoustic guitar. We recorded ourselves live. That song probably happened in two hours." This could’ve been written at any time in 2009, but I put it here because she bought her Nashville apartment sometime before October.

September 8, 2009: Tweeted "Last night in nash before heading out tomorrow for 4 shows, then VMA's. But right now I can't put the guitar down."

September 13, 2009: VMAs Incident

Enchanted: September 15, 2009 (Confirmed)

On September 15, Taylor attended an Owl City Concert in New York Taylor: "It was about this guy that I met in New York City, and I had talked to him on email or something before, but I had never met him. And meeting him, it was this overwhelming feeling of: I really hope that you're not in love with somebody. And the whole entire way home, I remember the glittery New York City buildings passing by, and then just sitting there thinking, am I ever going to talk to this person again? And that pining away for a romance that may never even happen, but all you have is this hope that it could, and the fear that it never will. I started writing that in the hotel room when I got back. Because it just was this positive, wistful feeling of: I hope you understand just how much I loved meeting you. I hope that you know that meeting you was not something that I took lightly, or just in passing. And I think my favorite part of that song is the part where, in the bridge, it goes to sort of a stream of consciousness of ‘Please don't be in love with someone else/Please don't have somebody waiting on you.' Because at that moment, that's exactly what my thoughts were. And it feels good to write exactly what your thoughts were in a certain moment.”

September 26, 2009: Taylor plays in Little Rock, Arkansas, and possibly writes a song: "I'd get my best ideas at 3:00 AM in Arkansas, and didn't have a co-writer around and I'd just finish it. And that would happen again in New York [Enchanted & Back To December], that would happen again in Boston [Long Live], that would happen again in Nashville." (x)

October 17, 2009: Tweets "Travis: you look so out of it. Me: I'm writing a song in my head. Travis: oh, I apologize. I didn't realize you were working."

November 19, 2009: Bob Lefsitz (the guy from Mean) publishes his impromptu interview with Taylor:

Taylor laughed.  Said she could handle being criticized for having a bad voice, for missing notes. But she couldn’t live with being criticized for being inauthentic. Those songs are written in real time. About real people. Her cowriters edit more than contribute. Her next album she’s not planning to write with anyone. Not now, anyway.

November 30, 2009: Tweets "If I had a dime for every time my producer and I blurt out the same thing at the same time, followed by an awkward, uncoordinated high five..."

Ours: December 6, 2009 (Inferring)

Myspace Post on December 6: “I just got back to Nashville this morning after being in LA all week. Today I was out and about and in the studio all day” Taylor: "I wrote this when I was about to turn 20. I was in a relationship I knew people wouldn't approve of, and it was just a matter of time before everyone found out. When you're first getting to know someone, it's a fragile time, and then you add newspapers and magazine covers and it can get kind of rough. I wanted to have this song to play for him when it got difficult. Singing it for him was one of the sweetest moments I can remember."

December 22, 2009: Tweets "I was writing a song and my pen fell into the piano. Still trying to figure out if I should do anything about this."

January 2010: Starts polishing up the demos made in 2009 into fully produced tracks

Billboard: "Swift and Chapman had begun recording new songs almost as soon as "Fearless" was released. The two cut demos in his basement studio and would only take those songs to larger facilities once they felt they had an emotional foundation in the basic tracks. Still, it wasn’t until early 2010 when the album truly began to coalesce." Nathan Chapman: "We stripped it down and made the demos first. Taylor came to my studio and I played all the instruments on the demos, and because I have a good vocal booth, her demo vocals ended up being the vocals you hear on the record. After finishing the demos, we went out to different studios, and tried different combinations of engineers and musicians to replace some of the elements of my demos, mostly the programmed drums, and to do additional overdubs. [...] A pop artist would probably release what we'd done after five hours, but country artists don't want to hear programmed drums, they don't want to hear fake stuff. So once we had recorded the demos, we would book whatever studio we wanted for each song, to replace the drums, in many cases the bass, and to add whatever overdubs we envisioned, like fiddle, keyboards, percussion and strings. After we got the demos right, we opened it up and allowed ourselves to spend money and cut a big record." Taylor tweets on January 11: "Studio-ness with all the same boys who played on Fearless" and on January 13: "More recording. So excited. So excited. So excited. See, I said that three times. Once for every album we've made in this studio."

January 13, 2010: Posts on Myspace “Thank you January. I have had this month off. I have walked on snow-covered grass and discovered new coffee shops and laughed hysterically with friends about things that probably weren’t technically funny. I’ve written songs on napkins and sat at a giant table with my whole family on my mother’s birthday, all of us in one place for the first time in too long. I’ve gotten to take what has happened to me and process it to my full capability, and celebrate it the way it deserved to be celebrated. I’ve made new music. I’ve gone over the memories and jumped up and down with my producer and floated around with nothing on my schedule other than just appreciating what my life has somehow turned into. [...] Getting back in the studio with the same guys I trust and know and love.. (right, the pointing one: my producer Nathan Chapman) (Left, the waving one: Bass extraorinaire, Tim Marks. Clearly marked on his road case.) [...] Nick Buddha is in charge of the drums.”

February 13, 2010: Writes in her diary "I’ve been obsessing over the new album. I always do that until it’s just right. I don’t know if I have the formula just right for this one yet. I know there are great songs. I just need to figure out the strands that bond them together into a great album. And I will obsess until it’s there. This album, any album, is the next 2 years of my life. It has to be more than amazing. It has to be great enough to keep my attention for 2 years."

February 22, 2010: Posts on Myspace "I’ve been writing lots of songs"

Mine: March 10-12 2010 (Inferring)

Taylor (above interview, at 5:17): "I wrote Mine somewhere on the road, I think in Texas, actually." Nathan Chapman: "The demo for 'Mine' apparently took less than five hours to record, and sounded, according to Chapman, "almost identical to the record. After that we worked on the track for another four months, off and on, and spent $30,000 to make sure it sounded perfect in the real world."" Taylor: "This song is the first single because it has this…there was this moment between Nathan and I, my producer, when I brought this song in and when we made this demo in one day in his basement and we just kinda looked at each other and we were like, "This is it. This is the one. All of the times that I've had "The Moment" with songs of "This is the one," it's been a good call, so I'm hoping for the best on this one. Wish me luck." Scott Borchetta: "Mine" was a turning point in the album’s development. Swift and Chapman had begun recording new songs almost as soon as "Fearless" was released. The two cut demos in his basement studio and would only take those songs to larger facilities once they felt they had an emotional foundation in the basic tracks. Still, it wasn’t until early 2010 when the album truly began to coalesce. Swift presented "Mine" to Borchetta in his office [...] "We probably played that song four or five times," Borchetta recalls. "I’m jumping around playing air guitar, she’s singing the song back to me, and it was just one of those crazy, fun, Taylor teen-age moments."

March 13, 2010: Taylor records Mine, brings it to Scott Borchetta, and says she’s done with TS3

Scott Borchetta: "I said, ‘Keep going,’ [...] She kind of looked at me like, ‘You’re challenging me.’ And I said, ‘Yeah. You’ve found true north here. Keep going.’ " Taylor: “During Speak Now, when I went to (label head) Scott Borchetta and said, 'The album’s finished,’ he said, 'No, it’s not – you need to keep writing.’” (Right after playing in Texas, Taylor leaves for a vacation in the Bahamas, meaning Taylor likely had about a day in Nashville between the two trips).

Innocent: Late March 2010 (Inferring)

Billboard: “It was some time in the period after that challenge — between February and June — that Swift wrote “Innocent,” her response to the Kanye West incident.​​” Taylor: “Some songs take 30 minutes to write, and some take six months, which was the case with “Innocent.” When things affect me intensely and really hit me hard, it can take a while to figure out what I think about it and what to say about it.” (March would be just over 6 months since the VMAs).

March 24, 2010: Taylor goes lunch with Taylor Lautner and both of their publicists, inspiring Back To December.

Taylor: Swift says she based the song on a conversation she had with the guy about whom she's singing. "It's not loosely based," she says. "It's almost word-for-word. It is a song and a conversation that needed to happen, because I don't want to hurt people. If you unintentionally do so, you've got to make that better."

Speak Now: Early April, 2010 (Inferring)

On April 3, Taylor attended the wedding of Josh Farro as Hayley Williams (who is Josh's ex) plus one. That day she also tweeted: ""Nathan you smell really good! Is that a new cologne?" "Thanks! Actually it's a two in one shampoo and soap. From Dial." My producer rules." implying she was in the studio. The conversation below could have happened any day after the VMA awards in September, when Hayley first reached out to Taylor, but I think Taylor probably wrote the song fairly close to naming the album after it. Taylor: "This song was inspired by one of my friends who was telling me about her childhood sweetheart, crush guy. They were kind of together in high school and went their separate ways, and it was kind of understood that they were gonna get back together. Then, she one day comes in and tells me he's getting married. He had met this girl who was just this mean person who made him completely stop talking to all of his friends, cut off his family, had him like so completely isolated. And I just, kind of randomly, was like, "So, you gonna speak now?" She was like, "What do you mean?" And I was like "Oh, you know, like storm the church, speak now or forever hold your peace? I'll go with you. I'll play guitar. It would be great." She was just kind of laughing, and later on I just was wrapping my mind around that idea of how tragic it would be if someone you loved was marrying somebody else. Later I had a dream about one of my ex-boyfriends getting married, and it just all came together that I needed to write this song about interrupting a wedding. For me, I like to think of it as good versus evil, and this girl is so completely painted as the evil one. So this is "Speak Now.""

April 13, 2010: Names TS3 Speak Now

Lover Diaries: "So I’ve been obsessing over the new record to the point where it’s all I can focus on. I’m majorly stressed and borderline losing it, with all these lists and chronic dissatisfaction. Perfectionist-ness. I keep growing tired of songs because I know I’ve raised the bar and I can beat half the songs. Scott and I had lunch the other day. We were talking about the record and I had this epiphany. I didn’t talk in interviews about how I felt about much of what has happened in the last 2 years. I’ve been silent about so much that I’m saying on this album. It’s time to Speak Now. Scott freaked out. He loved it. We have a title, ladies and gentlemen!" Scott Borchetta: ""At one point, the record was not called ‘Speak Now.’ It was called ‘Enchanted,’ [...] We were at lunch, and she had played me a bunch of the new songs. I looked at her and I’m like, ‘Taylor, this record isn’t about fairy tales and high school anymore. That’s not where you’re at. I don’t think the record should be called "Enchanted."’” Swift excused herself from the table at that point. By the time she came back, she had the "Speak Now" title"

Dear John: Spring 2010 (Speculation)

This was likely written sometime after February 2010 (Taylor implies she's single in her vlog and her diary). Beyond that, it could have been anytime between February and June 2010.

Brief Interruption: The next two songs (Back to December and Mean) are going to use quotes from this interview that @1989worldtour found. If you've already listened to the interview attached to the Mine section, then it's the same interview

Back To December: Early May, 2010 (Inferring)

Taylor (above interview, at 5:12): "Back to December was written in New York City. Taylor was in New York city from May 3-5, and May 12-15 2010. she was not photographed in New York any other time in early 2010, and given her busy touring schedule, I doubt she was in New York at another time. USA TODAY: “Swift says she based the song on a conversation she had with the guy about whom she's singing. "It's not loosely based," she says. "It's almost word-for-word. It is a song and a conversation that needed to happen, because I don't want to hurt people. If you unintentionally do so, you've got to make that better."”

Mean: May 29, 2010 (Speculation)

Taylor (above interview, about 6 minutes in): "I started this song called Mean on my, like sitting on my kitchen counter, just playing it, and then, you know, took a plane and flew to the venue where we were gonna play that night and finished it in the dressing room." Now, this may be a too literal interpretation of "took a plane and flew to the venue where we were gonna play that night," but if we want to theorize: the only tour date (that Taylor could've conceivably written Mean during) without another show right before or after it was in Baton Rogue on May 29, 2010.

Long Live: June 2010 (Confirmed)

Lover Diary She likely wrote this around June 5, when she ended the Fearless Tour at Gillette Stadium (Wikipedia counts two festivals as being part of the Fearless Tour but Taylor doesn't, so I'm going with her opinion), since she said that she wrote a song for Speak Now in Boston (which is the closest major city to Gillette)

The Story Of Us: June 9-16, 2010 (Confirmed)

Taylor attended the CMT Awards (Which goes on to be the secret message for The Story Of Us) on June 9 and was sat very close to John Mayer. Taylor: "The people closest to me are used to me deserting a conversation and bolting into some corner of the room with my phone out, hunched over, singing some melody or lyric or hook into my phone. I wrote “The Story of Us” about running into an ex at an awards show, and I came home and sat down at a kitchen table and told my mom, “I felt like I was standing alone in a crowded room.” She tried to console me, but I was gone at that point." Lover Diary: "So I’ve been a little studio rat since the tour ended [...] Ever since, I wake up to my cell phone alarm around 9:30 each morning. Throw on a sundress, skip make up, tie my hair in a messy side braid, and head out the door with no shoes on. Because the only walking outside I’ll be doing is from my house to my car, then from my car, three steps to Nathan’s basement studio. [...] I worked on a song for a few days, then basically finished it in the car on the way to Nathan’s this morning. It. Is. So. Good. And I can safely say I am DONE writing this record!! This song is up-tempo, and hooky and sort of torn-sounding … like this horrible stressed confusion that comes on when you knew the person you’re pining away for is in the room. And for some reason, there are these invisible walls keeping things from being ok. So you’re not fine. And they’re not fine. And I’m so happy I wrote that song!! Footage of Taylor working on TSOU

June 30, 2010: Taylor tweets “@amosjheller is SLAYING a bass part in the studio right now. http://twitpic.com/21am7t” 

Footage Nathan Chapman: “We tried several bassists until we had a bass part that worked, which was played by Amos Heller, of Taylor's live band. In Nashville, it's rare for a road musician to be on the record, but he earned his way into this record by kicking ass. In fact, all Taylor's road musicians played some parts on the album, which was important for me and her.”

July 15, 2010: The orchestra for Back To December and Haunted are recorded (footage here, same outfit as these candids)

Taylor (talking about Haunted): “I wanted the music and the orchestration to reflect the intensity of the emotion the song is about, so we recorded strings with Paul Buckmaster at Capitol Studios in Los Angeles. It was an amazing experience - recording this entire big, live string section that I think in the end really captured the intense, chaotic feeling of confusion I was looking for."

And that's all for this timeline! Check out my others:

TIMELINES: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights PLAYLISTS: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights • entire discography GENERAL: tag

[contractbound]

On Birthdays...

Months-old thoughts on my birthday (and birthdays in general), ranging from my current-day speculations on my "birth" to my relationship to the concept over the centuries. Taken from private messages and reformatted more into essay form (albeit a messy one, riddled with author's notes written today).

December 2023 ; 1459 words

In the present day, I oftentimes wonder what that day in April (I can never remember which day) means for me in specific. (Author's Note: Turns out it's the 17th. I was reminded by my friends wishing me a happy birthday on call at midnight last night.) Is it actually the day I came into existence, or does it have some other kind of significance? Since its specifically listed as my birthday, I'd assume it's the former, unless it's a symbolic "birth" in some way, shape, or form.

There's also the issue of how Tey/vat's days and months may differ from Earth's, and the accuracy of this birthday. I mean, it's probably the closest equivalent we have, since I'd imagine there's a "language barrier" (so to speak) between Tey/vat's time and Earth's time that's too severe to overcome. I probably couldn't figure out a "truer" birth date for myself even if I tried (though being canon divergent is always a possibility as well).

Also, thinking about my "birthday" within my and Gen/shin's general canon makes me wonder how I came into existence in the first place. Did I just spawn in? Did I have any form of "parent" or creator? I could be wrong, but my current theory is I simply manifested somehow (as in without the direct and intentional influence of outside sources), more or less fully grown, just obviously naive because I was new to the world. (Author's Note: Cloud Re/tainer's story has since more or less confirmed my suspicions by citing adep/ti as having been "born amongst the elemental energy that courses between heaven and earth", which aligns with my speculations. I find this information very interesting.)

Leaning fully into the topic of canon now, it's probably not that hard to guess how I might have regarded my birthdays during my time on Tey/vat. One thing I was very good at was staying in eternal stasis, specifically in a state of not caring for myself. It's not like I could even afford to care, most of the time. As such, for most of my life I had never once given my birthday any importance, and I doubt I ever acknowledged or even remembered it much, at least not without prompting from other people. (Author's Note: To an extent, I know I'm lying about not being able to afford to care for myself. I definitely couldn't afford to do so earlier in life, but after Mo/rax took me in, it was less of an issue. At times, it was even encouraged. Like I mentioned before...prompting from other people.)

Still, even if I never gave it any importance, I probably still had different views on the concept of "birthdays" depending on what stage in my life I was at.

Very early in my life (I'm not sure the exact timeline but I'm talking the first few centuries or even decades), I doubt I had any awareness of the concept of a birthday, or what significance it had. I was probably more or less aware of how much time i had existed for, but human concepts were not even on my radar.

Once I'd gotten into the habit of looking into people's dreams, I might've gotten glimpses of birthday celebrations, among other aspects of human culture. But since it would only be small zero context glimpses, I don't think that would have given me a thorough grasp on the concept anyway. I'm going to go with the assumption that I regarded birthdays with a little bit of acknowledgement and importance, but not at all towards myself because I wasn't aware that it could apply to me. My understanding, curiosity, and enthusiasm would only have been directed towards others and towards the concept itself.

Under my former god, they gave me a better look at human life and culture, and an even more potent look into their dreams. Something as specific as birthdays were likely never a focus, but would still be one of the many things I'd get to learn more about as I gained a further understanding of humans and how they worked. Unfortunately, this god was one that, at least during the war, resented human life, only seeing it as something to make an example of or use to their advantage. That's a tangent, however.

Basically, they weren't the best teacher for this kind of thing. While that phase of my life greatly deepened my understanding of dreams and anything about humanity that was revealed to me through them, the principles and beliefs drilled into me were cruel, and I acted accordingly. Overall, I'd say I gave the concept of birthdays minimal acknowledgement. The only importance given to it (if any) would probably have been according to the god's agenda. I still wouldn't be applying the concept to myself at all, and honestly my perception of time was probably completely demolished as well.

After being taken in by Mo/rax and having all the other Yak/shas with me, I was a lot more closed off towards the world. I was no longer curious or adaptable, and only wanted to focus on fulfilling my contract (i.e being nothing more than a weapon). The other Yak/shas did not share this sentiment, and were endlessly curious about mortal life. Of course, Mor/ax didn't share my sentiment either. Being our god, he had no intention to completely distance himself from the humans he had to protect and govern.

In the case of the other Yak/shas, if they knew their "birthdays", or picked some for themselves, I don't doubt they'd want to celebrate themselves and each other whenever the day came. Thinking about it, I get the feeling that if our birthdays were symbolic, chosen dates, we'd pick the days Mo/rax took us in...but that's tangential.

The others wouldn't let me off the hook until I told them my "birthday", and then when the day rolled around, wouldn't let me off the hook until I celebrated with them. I was stubborn, and considered it frivolous, but couldn't avoid them without feeling at least a little bad....so I let it happen. I was forced to acknowledge the occasion known as the birthday and give it importance. Not just as a general concept, either, but specifically mine and those of the people closest to me.

Well, I say "forced", but honestly, i came to enjoy it over time. Not that I'd ever admit it then.

As for the general concept and human customs, I closed myself off from that and stopped feeling curious. It really felt best to distance myself from mortal affairs as best as I could, and not involve myself more than necessary. Still, it was hard to completely distance myself when I had the others to forcibly involve me.

In the centuries following Fu/she's disappearance, I was completely closed off and truly lived only to fight, save for a few foolish personal endeavours. I could probably ramble on about this period of my life in general, but specifically in the context of birthdays, I don't think I have any insight.

Finally, in the time after meeting Aether...in many cases, it was like being back with the others. He developed a stubborn interest in me, and made me open my eyes to the world around me again. For the first time in centuries, I allowed my birthday to be acknowledged and celebrated.

The first time he wished me happy birthday and prepared a celebration for me, it was probably quite jarring. Honestly, I don't know if I ever got fully used to it. But I did eventually come to enjoy it. Over time, I opened up and let myself be curious again, and with Aether living regularly among mortals, I got to learn more than I ever had, with no strings attached, no ulterior motives. I doubt I ever came to fully embrace/understand mortal traditions, maybe calling them frivolous or confusing, but inside I enjoyed learning, and most of all sharing it with him.

Overall, this is probably the most (healthy) acknowledgement and importance I'd be giving to my birthday, and slowly I'd be letting myself be curious about birthdays as a general custom too. I'd also come to look forward to Aether's "birthday" as well, whether it was actually the day he came to be, or something symbolic.

I could never forget any other friends I'd let into my life, either. My social circle grew over time, and I had bridged many gaps between myself and the people around me. Most memorably, I grew closer to the other adep/ti, and occasionally joined their festivities.

Perhaps between immortals, the concept of a "birthday" works differently from how mortals go about it, but the sentiment stays the same.

[swiftllama]

💛Smoshblr December Asks Final Day💙

We‘ve done it! We’ve finally reached the end of this lil ask game and also the end of 2023! 🥳 Thank you so much for joining in on this, I truly appreciate it so much 🫶! I wish you a wonderful start into the new year and that all your hopes and dreams for 2024 will come true! ✨💞

But, since the year isn’t quite over yet, I thought this might be a nice time to reminisce a little bit. Therefore, the final question of the Smoshblr December Asks Game:

What are your favourite smosh-related memories of 2023? 💖

(no specific amount required for this one; and you can ofc also include older smosh memories, if you want to 🤗)

Whoop whoop! 🥳

Thank you so much Stella for putting this ask game together, it’s been incredibly fun! Wishing you all the best for 2024! 💖

There’s been so many Smosh-related moments I’ve loved this year that it would honestly be hard to narrow it down, but to answer this last question of the year, I think I’m just going to have to pick one, because it was this moment that started the domino effect and without it all my other favourite moments wouldn’t of became reality, and that was….

THE MOMENT THAT STARTED IT ALL AGAIN 🙌

This was just so special, and continues to be so special. I still can’t believe this is the timeline we’re living in - if you’d told me this time last year that Ian and Anthony would be reunited and own Smosh again and be be back making videos together I never would have believed you. It just felt like a far-fetched dream after 6 years. But then, the 20th of June 2023 came, and that dream came true much to my, and I think everyone’s, surprise. I’ll never forget that day - I’d been out just enjoying the summer’s day, had had a few drinks so was slightly tipsy on the train home, and at that exact moment Taylor announced the international Eras Tour dates and that she was coming back to Scotland so I was already excited, then I received a text from @kayluh1915 saying ‘THEY’RE BACK!!!!’ with a screenshot of the video - I swear my heart stopped at that very moment. I then spent the rest of the evening on a rollercoaster of emotions, the whole time feeling like I was in some sort of dream. And that day set the course for these 6 unbelievable months we’ve had!

I would also just like to take a moment to thank all the members of this fandom for making this journey so much fun to go on, I’ve met some absolutely lovely people along the way and I’m so happy to be on this Smosh train with you all 🫶 I can’t wait to see what 2024 will bring us! ✨

Wishing everyone all the best for the New Year! ❤️

[stuck-on-classiccoke]

UGH i do not need to keep obsessing over a book with literally no fandom but it's been a few days now and two rereads already and I'm going absolutely feral and have to get this out even if no one ever reads it

I try to just imply spoiler events but there's prob still spoilers

the way Guillaume and Ashton revolve around each other so hard but the timeline is bffs on site for about two years, then SIX years separated and not technically on good terms, then reconnected (on purpose!) before being immediately back on their bullshit and only getting like nine months together

the way Ashton esp had all these dreams of a future together and I'm p sure Guillaume never planned on making it that far he can't fix him but he can make him worse

the way Guillaume's plans totally did not require them actually spending more than like an hour getting pictures for alibis on these trips, he just actually wanted to go on these dates with his bf and be his lil sugar daddy

just the way that these two could talk about literally anything except how they really feel about each other and the comical levels it reaches

all of the things we missed between them on the island like exhibit a there had clearly been a discussion about Ashton taking the first bite to convince the rest of them

exhibit b Will questioning if Guillaume actually hurt himself on purpose and blamed the crash - I'm going w prob not or it would've been admitted to in the narrative when Guillaume and Ashton both mentioned the scar post island. BUT I do think that the way Ashton fretted and fawned over him then is how Guillaume got the idea later to self harm to manipulate him

the way Guillaume is uh, yes plainly textbook psychopath, like I believe he cared about Ashton but because of how much he saw himself in him, like literally might have just seen him as an extension of himself

BUT how much of him was nurture too? Guillaume's insane amount of family money touches every part of his life and the narrative. He actually IS untouchable throughout most of his life because he's that level of rich kid, it's not just the mental illness talking. He literally got away with murder bc of the money

the way Ashton is so deep in denial about himself that he sincerely believes it sometimes… like spending the first half of the book with the guy that describes himself as the "class clown" to Guillaume's "class freak" and just a normal silly guy with his silly murdery bff then like two seconds into the next POV he is described as a bad sign and a creep SENT ME

Ashton's exact problems are just a little harder to armchair diagnose but it's pretty impressive that the least neurotypical thing I read in a book like this was how Ashton just "Xerox's the personality of who he's talking to onto his "Guillaume-personality"" like I get that in context we are comparing the two but bby what his HIS personality

Like just the way that even from the outside they flew past codependent and are swimming in identity issues that are Mariana Trench deep

That said, I keep turning in my mind the throwaway line from Guillaume about how Ashton came to his private school in fifth grade because he was struggling in public school and his parents could just afford to enroll him. We have a decent idea of what he won't do without Guillaume there, but then what was he doing before they even met???

just omggg I've waited my whole life for something this painfully good

[yellowhippo]

Spilling the Yellow Beans, January 2025:

Welcome To The Hyunam-Dong Bookshop!

A book where it talks about a bookshop. It's basically the reason why I decided to buy 'Welcome to the Hyunam-Dong Bookshop' after seeing on my timeline in facebook (I forgot if I saw from a group or an ad…or- IDK.)

I started reading this last half (or quarter??) of 2024, (forgive my muddled brain, but I don't remember the exact date). But for some reason, I found the first few chapters a little too slow for my liking at the time. I mean, I did want a slow kind of reading where I can simply sit, sip my coffee (or Milo - on weekends), and read. The kind of 'slow' where as I read, I'd find myself transported to wherever the author was currently writing about. And I was - I am - transported to that world, to that quaint bookshop somewhere in Hyunam-Dong, Korea that Hwang Bo-Reum painted with her words.

But at the kind of slowness, I realized, also required that the reader (in this case, me, myself, and I) be fully focused and interested in the lives of the people that come and go at the bookshop, no matter how short or long, no matter how significant or not their presence may be.

At the time though, I was too deep into thinking about my current dilemma at work. I wanted to quit and find something else after more than a year of staying, but at the same time I knew it was hard to find job openings. And even if I did land one, the process is too long and painstaking for the level of patience I have. Thus, my mind is…was, too busy to really invest in lives of (might be) fictional characters as I have so much going on in reality.

Feeling the negativity seep back in my system after starting 2024 with high hopes, I decided that perhaps, I needed to start by pushing myself a little since I honestly stopped doing so and just - lazed around letting everything flow without even questioning or fought the tides. I let myself drown and lost my essence. Let myself become a robot.

So, come January 2025 (or, December 2024, really). I decided 'I want to work on another writing project again on my tumblr.' But something different than the one I did before (daily poems). So, since I've literally hoarded so much books and have so much unread, why not start reading, right? So, I grabbed the book and continued where I left off. Not a good idea, since I did stop for weeks (months??) of reading the book so I may have forgotten the characters, some smaller details…But again, I'm too l-a-z-y.

But that's changing (hopefully) this 2025 as I did finish reading the book a week even before January finished. I started to slowly ease in the world that the author has created for her readers. A certain chapter titled 'How We View Work' got me clearing my throat once and standing straighter as I let my mind focus more on the words and the dialogues of the characters rather than the passing buildings and establishment from the current train ride I was on as I was making my way for work (or, to be more specific, a pre-work nap somewhere near the office.)

- How I View Work -

'How We View Work' started with the book club members (the characters) piling into the bookshop. They started with small talk, catching up with each other, and just talking about their day and their lives before they began their real agenda: to talk about a book in which they all read (either the whole thing, or just part of it) and tried to relate it afterwards to their personal life. The book in question is 'The Refusal of Work: The Theory and Practice of Resistance to Work' by David Frayne.

The book, according to the dialogues, talk about seeing a future there are less jobs as AI starts to be integrated into work processes and standards. The characters, or at least one of them, voiced out her thoughts and concern. She was hoping that the government would come up with something to give people jobs even with the coming of AI.

She further continues about a certain passage,

'What is so great about work that sees society constantly trying to create more of it? Why, at the pinnacle of society's productive development, is there still a thought to be a need for everybody to work for most of the time?'.

When I reached this line in the book, I took it as a personal hit as well. Because just like the character, I also thought 'what's so great about a job and why do we obsess over it too much to the point of breaking our backs?' The chapter continued with other characters having their own inputs. Either they agree, or they don't. Or they do agree but for a whole different reason. But one thing that's always brought up is the concept of 'society' and its so-called rules. Society, in summary, made individuals 'work' because it's the only way to make a living. A logical response, I agree, but also a painful one at that because society is also struggling with the idea of working at all instead of actually 'living' and not just 'making a living' - because those two are completely different ideas, I dare to believe.

Now, I may need to read David Frayne's book completely to fully share my thoughts about this. But another certain passage of his hit home, yet again:

'The problem here is not that the labour process presents no opportunities for expression and identification, but that the employer expects workers to be fully involved and invested in the job.'

Now this - as to why this really hit home for me? For one, the industry I'm working for is not (and never will be) a place I want to 'grow' and 'excel'. I do want to work, but I also want to do something for myself rather than hunchback myself into working the whole shift only to come home, eat, sleep, wake, and work again. That's 'making a living' and no longer 'living' for me. And I WANT TO LIVE.

'How We View Work' continues on talking about the characters and how they view the concept of 'team' and 'family' within the workspace. A notion, I firmly believe, we all are familiar with. Now, I won't be delving into what the characters have said about this certain concept at work, instead, let me voice out my own. It may or may not agree with the characters, or even yourself, but hey. It's my book talk for a reason, right? And a reason is that I ABHOR THE IDEA OF 'TEAM' AND 'FAMILY' WITHIN THE WORKSPACE. Don't get me wrong. I've built and kept so many friendships over the years I've jumped from one office to the other. But that's it. Friends.

Let me quote Anne Marie's song, 'Friends' as well. This is not part of the book, but certain lyrics are, at least for me, summarizes my thoughts as to why I do not like the idea of workmates becoming family or the concept of 'team'.

"Don't mess it up, talking that shit Only gonna push me away, that's it When you say you love me, that make me crazy Here we go again."

My opinion could be solely because I am the worst kind of introvert, but I know and I've heard others say that 'family' is one of the many toxic culture traits an office could offer because they bend the idea of a 'family' just to tie employees down to their company.

Next, is of course the talk of salary. The book continues to talk about how one works more, they get more money. But of course, if one works less, they get lesser salary. Fair enough. But also, just- tiring. Because for me, the more you work, you do get more. But you get to 'live less' as you are tied down to the company and your workload. Whereas when you work less, you have time to actually 'live', pursue something entirely different…and just grow as your own self. But getting less means you have to skimp on so many other things, and sadly? That includes the cost of your hobbies and whatnot's. This is where I say I honestly have a hard time finding a logical balance. Because as I see it? It's one or the other. There's no in between.

Lastly, this chapter closes with the talks of how society are so easy to judge those who, in the end, chooses to quit without understanding what one is going through physically, emotionally, and most importantly, mentally. Quitting was never a choice but a must for those with such struggles as the work - rather, the company itself, is the one taking the blow with the state of the employee. Because we were all trained when we were younger to 'just endure it' for the day whether you're sick or not. Whether you're physically able to or not, you'll still come to work as you can always rest up once the day is done. Or as the book words it out, 'exploiting' yourself for the sake of making a living.

Fucked up reality that lead to a fucked up society, I dare say.

[book-petals]

Review: Pageboy by Elliot Page

I was so excited to read Pageboy, I think I waited a few months on Libby to listen to the audiobook edition. I've been a fan of Elliot Page since the first time I watched Hard Candy on HBO when I was in middle school. That was the first time I felt empowered, watching someone my age exact revenge on a male predator for their friend. Another favorite movie he starred in is Whip It. That movie started the obsession I had for years with female roller derby teams. More recently, I loved seeing Elliot play Viktor in The Umbrella Academy. I've been a My Chemical Romance fan since Bullets album and read Gerard's comics as a result. Victor's subtle transition mid season 2 was beautifully done. If you haven't watched either of these movies/show or read The Umbrella Academy comics, I highly recommend them!

But this review isn't about movies, I don't have a lot to say about Pageboy. But I do want to talk about the two reasons for why I didn't love it the way I wanted to. 

The first reason: the timeline was so confusing. A chapter would start with a few paragraphs about a movie set Elliot had been on and things that happened around filming and then it would shift to a memory of being in the city and doing something as a child. No dates or ages mentioned close enough to the change to understand when the events were happening. Like I said in the intro, I listened to the audiobook, but narrators will still read everything on the page (in this case it was narrated by the author like most memoirs) so I can conclude that dates and ages were just not mentioned at all.

Maybe it wouldn't have mattered if the book were written in chronological order but the timeline we got was just chaotic and made it hard for me to follow. Sometimes I would be well into a chapter before realizing exactly when said event was taking place. 

Anyway, the second reason: maybe I'm cherry picking here, I haven't read many memoirs before this one. But Pageboy just lacked depth. It's so clear from Elloit's history and the things he wrote about in the book that he has been through so much. I knew about the hypersexualization from articles I've read, one that comes to mind is the controversy surrounding Beyond Two Souls and how a nude model of Elloit's pre transitioned body was snuck in without him knowing. There are so many examples of this happening in the memoir, but he grazed over them and it just felt like it lacked emotion. I could guess that maybe he didn't want to re open old wounds and still be able to talk about them in a perspective outside his own. But it all felt disconnected for me.

I'm not sure if I would recommend this book to anyone, of course if you're a fan and just want to read it for that sake then, yes do read it. But it was just not that for me, I still love Elliot Page and it doesn't change my opinion of him, I just couldn't get past the timeline and dryness of this memoir.

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐

[bananasfosterparent]

I'll bite...

- Larian only goes off of DnD lore so much. Most of the game lore is a homebrew. This includes vampire lore. While they do pul from both 5e and 2e vampire lore, it's very minimal. If they fully stuck to the lore, Astarion would feel ZERO love for the player from the moment you meet him, because ALL vampires including spawn are unable to feel love in the mortal sense. The vampire Ascendant is also not in DnD lore and was made up for BG3 so there really are no hard and fast rules about it outside of the game.

- You can read his mind. The exact quote is: "He will always see you as degrading yourself if you continue to be with him. But perhaps that what you want. And he knows it." To some that says "he hates you and thinks you're trash and doesn't respect you". And that is a fair and valid conclusion to arrive at, but certainly not the only one. To others it says that he views Tav above himself and admires them. He feels that anyone lowering themselves to a subservient role as cheapening themselves ...therefore he feels that role is beneath Tav to take. He sees it as them degrading themselves. Not him degrading them. He feels they deserve better, but if it's what they want, and they can be with him for eternity, he's perfectly happy to oblidge.

- Unfortunately for you, what's creepy and gross to you is fun and comforting to others. I love the possessivness and the chance to explore that sort of dynamic in a safe space. I find it extremely comforting and positive IN FICTION. And I'm far from the only one. If we aren't allowed to have it in fiction, where CAN we? It's completely unhealthy to have in real life. But if we can't explore that sort of relationship in made up stories where it can always be happy and positive, then what do you expect people to do? I mean, aren't dark romance novels and yandere dating simulators the exact same thing? Do you advocate to destroy and avoid those at all costs too? I mean, even looking at other BG3 characters...Minthara literally sexually pushes herself onto Tav/Durge when they attack the grove and, without their consent, she assaults them with sexual images of graphic things she wants to do them. Some Tavs/Durges are totally into this. Personally, I found this to be my "ick" moment in the game. I'm sure others would agree. Yet... No one talks about that in comparison to how much Astarion's mild "bdsm"-ish kisses seems to come up. I can't help but wonder about that inequality.

- Anyway, same goes for the "obedience". That's part of the fun of the vampire relationship dynamic and the fantasy of it (and no, I don't mean exclusively sexually. It's also a non-sexual comfort thing). Outside of the player, for the Tav, it can be a peace thing depending on their personal perspective and backstory. You can't speak for every player AND you can't speak for every Tav/Durge they create.

- I am really starting to just think this type of fantasy relationship just isn't your thing. Which is FINE. But you not finding it appealing or being uncomfortable with it does NOT make it wrong for others who feel differently to indulge in it. What you find gross, creepy, or uncomfortable many of us find comforting and joyful. And there is nothing wrong with that. For example, I love the kisses and I'm really glad they added them. They aren't perfect, but my Tav loves that power dynamic (because of her own background,where she came from and who she is) and I love playing with that dynamic in my stories of her, as a positive.

- If you ascend him he thanks you for giving him everything and truly appreciates it. BOTH routes he thanks Tav genuinely and is fully grateful. Because both routes have to be rewarding for the player. They aren't overlapping timelines. In the spawn ending he is just speculating about if he had ascended. In the ascended ending is just lamenting if he had stayed a spawn. But in both routes he's happy with what he ends up with because he has Tav either way.

.....

Calling it abuse when it is not is a bit inconsiderate and assuming to say the least. Because many AA fans have abuse experience and trauma (myself included) and not all of us perceive and interpret everything with the same eyes and brain and experience you have. Just because there is a popular consensus on a piece of media/art, does not make it the only truth or only valid interpretation.

And this is just speaking on those with emotional/trauma related reasons for liking AA. Some people just enjoy the fun of the dynamic in a positive way and there is nothing wrong with that.

If you see it as "romanticizing abuse" that's a reflection on yourself and not the players you are redundantly addressing. Anyone who prefers AA isn't going to suddenly start agreeing with you and seeing it all from your perspective, when you haven't even taken the time to see it from theirs unbiasedly, just condemning it instead.

I don't care if you prefer ascended Astarion but to say that's his happy ending is ridiculous!

For one, DnD vampires completely lose their humanity and themselves. The thing they desired in life (or even as a spawn) will always become an unhealthy obsession that they can never satisfy. Astarion desired safety over anything else, if he ascends he will chase after safety for the rest of his existence and nothing he does will ever actually make him feel safe. He's also genuinely incapable of love.

Also, the game makes it so painfully clear that it's his bad ending when he's actually ascended:

You can READ HIS MIND and hear that he thinks tav is desperate and stupid for loving him because he will never return that love; he sees them as a possession

He is constantly talking about owning tav and showing them off in ways that are, quite frankly, really creepy and gross

He also talks about how he wants tav to be completely obedient to him

THERE WAS A WHOLE UPDATE WITH NEW KISSES ADDED TO SHOW THE WEIRD POWER DYNAMIC HE CREATES, HE'S ABUSIVE AND POSSESSIVE AF

If you don't ascend him he thanks you for not letting him go through with it because he was just caught up in the moment and that is not what he actually wants

Of course, play the game however you want and enjoy what you enjoy. But if you think for a single minute that ascending Astarion is his ideal ending and he won't just become the next Cazador and tav the next Astarion, you're missing the entire point of his story. If you're going to play a tragedy, enjoy it for being tragic instead of pretending its a quirky dArK rOmAnCe story. Romanticizing abuse ain't cute

[likeadevils]

which of the timelines do you think is most accurate 😮

that’s a big reason why i include the confirmed -> inferring -> speculation -> unknown scale, so you can try and see how certain i am of any given date. but a general overview on my thoughts on each one:

speak now is.. getting clearer. i also need to update stuff, mostly that mine was written march 2010 (inferring), and back to december in may 2010 (confirmed), and mean on may 29 2010 (speculation). but the earlier you go the harder it gets, because so many of the fan archives of tweets and interviews and the like have been lost to digital decay

the version of red that’s linked needs to be re-written, but i do think the one i’m working on to replace it is fairly accurate— the red vault is definitely the one that i have figured out the most.

the main 16 tracks for 1989 are accurate, because taylor confirmed so many exact dates for this album. but i have no idea for 3/5 of the vault songs. that being said, it’s my favorite of the bunch, i think my interview qoutes selection was really good and adds a lot of extra context for the album development

i think rep is about as close as someone can get without insider information. also, i think it’s a great first timeline to try and work out, if you want to get into it— there’s not a lot of dates, there’s not a lot of competing chatter, and it’s hard for that but it also makes researching simpler

midnights is. i’m really proud of it, but also, a good chunk of songs just have no information about them. but similar to rep, i think it’s about as close as i can get without insider knowledge

[deanstead]

Somebody’s Watching

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Request by danipearl16: Request- Jay has a girlfriend that nobody knows about and then they get a case where she’s being stalked and her stalker is killings women that seem to remind him of her and it turns out to be her ex-boyfriend from high school and Jay starts going downhill a little bit because he’s worried about her. Also his girlfriend is more on the younger than his side by 7 years

Word Count: 4,365

Warnings: cursing, mention of sexual assault/misconduct (non-graphic), mention of non-con touching, stalking, minor OC death, mention of injury, angst, fluff

A/N: Please beware of the triggers before you continue reading! I changed some parts to fit into the storyline but I still hope you like what I did with it! I’m pretty excited about this fic so I really really hope yall will like it! It’s my first time writing such a detailed case in so I hope it turned out well? Please hit me up and let me know what you think! Love yall!

---

You looked up from where you were sprawled on the couch, fiddling with your phone. Jay was sitting at the table, a small frown across his face as he pored over case notes.

Jay usually didn’t bring his work home with him but they’d just closed a big case and he had spent a whole week in the district. So instead of spending more time there to finish the paperwork, Jay had opted to bring it home instead.

You smiled to yourself just as Jay looked up. “Sorry babe.” He said, making a little face at the papers strewn across the table.

Chuckling, you climbed off the couch and moved towards him. You stood behind him, looping your arms around his shoulders, resting your chin on his shoulder. “I missed you.” You whispered.

Jay turned slightly, tugging you so that you now landed in his lap.

“Missed you too.” He whispered, smiling as one of his arms snaked around your waist, holding you securely to him, another hand reaching up to cup your cheek. “Sorry I’ve been busy.”

You shook your head, smiling.

You’d been dating for a while but no one else knew. Both of you had agreed to keep it on the down low, partly because of your age difference. Even though you had agreed you’d keep it quiet at least for the first few months, it had been a lot more than that and it had been going so well that you didn’t really want to purposefully invite anyone into this world that Jay and you had created for yourselves. Rather than keeping it a secret, you guys just hadn’t made the effort to tell anyone or publicize it to the world. This also meant that when he was stuck at the district, you didn’t get to see him but on such days, Jay was always mindful about checking in.

“What’s on your mind?” Jay asked.

“Just thinking I’m lucky to have you.” You responded, leaning in to try to give him a hug. Instead, Jay stroked your cheek and pressed his lips to yours. “Now, I really need to finish this.”

You laughed. “Go forth.”

---

Jay had taken a few well-deserved days of furlough, which he had mostly spent curled up with you. You didn’t have any complaints, it had been just what you both needed.

But Intelligence couldn’t catch a break. It was Jay’s first day back and now, he was already walking up to a crime scene.

Jay pushed the yellow crime scene tape upwards, letting Hailey walk through ahead of him before following behind her.

“What do we have?” Jay asked, approaching the spot where Adam and Kim were standing.

Kim turned. “Kate Whitewood, 22, stabbed multiple times.”

“She’s not in the system. No priors, nothing.” Adam added.

“No belongings on her?” Voight asked, looking around.

Adam shook his head. Jay frowned. “There’s barely any blood here.”

Kevin nodded, jogging forward to join them. “This is probably just the dump site. She must have been killed elsewhere.”

Hailey stood from where she had bent to examine the body. “She has defensive wounds on her. Maybe we’ll get lucky and find skin under her fingernails.”

Jay bent forward slightly. “What are those? Marks around her neck? We need to get her to the ME to get the exact cause of death.”

“Kim, bag her hands and get forensics to run a deluxe.” Voight said, as Kim nodded.

“My CI works this street, let me see what I can find out.” Jay said, turning away.

---

“So Kate was last seen at this bar right in town.” Hailey said, walking in and sticking a screenshot onto the board, which showed a camera view of the street outside the bar.

Kate could be seen on the image, her head turned slightly as she waved to someone, a man standing by her side. Hailey tapped the image.

“We can’t find this guy. His face is always turned away from the camera, facial recognition is out.”

Voight nodded. “Jay, have you heard from your CI?”

Jay nodded, resting slightly against Hailey’s desk, his arms crossed in front of him. “My guy says there haven’t been any deals going down. I think we can rule out drugs or gangs. Streets have been quiet ever since that big bust we did last month.”

“It was 28 degrees out last night, ME couldn’t find the exact time of death. But there were signs she was raped, signs of asphyxiation and five penetration wounds from a knife.” Kevin said, opening the file he had gotten from the medical examiner earlier.

Voight turned to Kim. “Who was she?”

Kim sighed. “Kate was a hard worker, she had just started her job as a receptionist at a dentist’s office in South Loop. Dad’s MIA, Mum’s remarried and relocated to New York so she’s living on her own.”

“Have we found who she was with last night?”

Adam nodded. “I’ve gone through her phone. Looks like she was meeting her friend Grace at the club last night.”

“We need to talk to her. I want to know about the last day of Kate’s life. Timeline. Check all sex offenders in the area. Comb her social media. Let’s go.” Voight instructed.

---

Jay knocked on the main door, glancing sideways at Hailey. The door swung open.

“Grace Archer? I’m Detective Upton, this is Detective Halstead, can we come in?” Hailey asked.

She furrowed her brows. “What’s this about?”

“You’re friends with Kate Whitewood?” Hailey asked, without directly answering her question. She nodded and without missing a beat, Hailey continued, “We need to ask you a few questions about last night.”

Grace stepped back to let them in, her face falling as she led them to the sitting room.

“I heard from her parents. The whole thing’s horrible.” Grace whispered, wrapping her hands around herself.

“Can you tell us what you remember?” Jay asked.

Grace looked up. “Kate’s boyfriend had broken up with her a few months ago, so I took her out. She needed to get out again.”

“Were you approached by anyone?” Hailey asked.

“Several.” She answered.

“Anyone that stood out?”

Grace paused, trying to recall. “Kate didn’t even really want to go. She barely looked at the guys… except…”

Hailey sat up a little. “There must have been something about this guy that she left with, something unique. We have a photo of him on the surveillance tape. Flashy?”

Grace nodded, “Yeah, he had this like... attitude… like he was hitting on us but he was making a joke of it at the same time.” She paused. “The last thing she told me was that she had a great time… I shouldn’t have forced her to come out.”

“This isn’t your fault.” Hailey leaned over and patted Grace comfortingly on the arm. “Thanks for talking to us. Please call us if you think of anything else.”

As Jay walked out of Grace’s house with Hailey, he looked at his partner. “This guy’s confident, he’s smooth and it doesn’t look like he knew Kate or Grace.”

---

For the rest of the day, the team had almost combed through the whole of Kate’s whereabouts before she had disappeared and all they had was a big fat nothing.

Jay typed a quick text to you to let you know that he wasn’t going to be able to come over tonight.

You read the text, smiling a little. Jay was busy but it was cute that he always kept you informed. You stopped walking, typing back a reply to tell him it was okay and to do what he had to do, before you kept her phone back into your pocket.

You walked along the street, the same street you walked on every night, frowning a little. You turned around, scanning the street behind you.

You could swear that it was like someone was watching you, or following you. But the street was empty. This wasn’t the first time you had had this feeling - like the little hairs on the back of your neck were standing but you had nothing to back up this feeling you had.

Holding your bag tighter against you, you pushed yourself forward, quickening your footsteps, only letting up as you passed the safety of your apartment building’s front door.

As you passed the threshold of your apartment and closed the door behind you, you pulled out your phone, staring at it for a while. Part of you wanted to call Jay, to hear his voice and have him tell you that you were just tired, imagining things. But the rational part of your brain convinced yourself that everything was okay, reminding you that Jay was so busy and deep in a case, he really shouldn’t have to worry about you.

Ultimately, you put your phone on the counter, chuckling at yourself. Maybe you really were too tired.

---

By the next morning, another body had turned up, not two streets away from the first dump site.

Jay felt an uneasy feeling spread in the pit of his stomach as he stared at the photo of the new victim that was already up on the board. They had a serial killer in Chicago and this guy’s victim type had physical characteristics that were scarily similar to you.

“Jay.” Hailey broke Jay out of his thoughts. “Emma Green, 23, strangulation marks, six stab wounds.”

Jay turned to his partner and nodded. “Did they go to the same club?”

Hailey handed Jay a file. “No, but look at what we picked up on the surveillance camera.” Jay opened the file, studying the photo.

“This is our guy isn’t it?” He pointed at a male figure who was standing next to their second victim, his face still hidden from the camera, wearing a plain cap.

“Hey guys, I might have found a link.” Kim said, walking in. “I checked the employee records and there’s a bartender that works in both clubs and he was on shift on each day our victims went missing. He’s got a prior for aggravated assault and harassment.”

“We’ll take it.” Jay said, grabbing his jacket and heading out of the district.

Hailey fell into step next to him, glancing at him. “Jay, you okay?”

Jay nodded. “Let’s just get this son of a bitch.”

They travelled the rest of the way in silence. Hailey seemed to pick up that this case was affecting Jay differently but she didn’t press further, allowing Jay to lead the way into the closed club.

“Ben Carlton?”

The bartender looked up from where he was, his eyes falling onto the police badge that was hung around Jay’s neck.

In a sudden motion, he ducked out and ran.

“Hey, stop!” Jay yelled, as both he and Hailey launched themselves after him, Hailey shooting out the front door to try to head him off.

“5021 George, I have a suspect fleeing on foot.” Jay called into his radio, sprinting after the bartender.

The bartender barely made it onto the next street before Hailey flung herself at him around the corner, rolling onto the ground as Jay pulled out his gun. “Don’t move!” He yelled, as Hailey pulled the bartender to his feet.

“Let’s go.” Jay snarled.

---

“It wasn’t me!” Ben yelled as he sat in the interrogation room, facing Jay and Hailey.

Jay sighed internally, watching Ben’s reactions and the way he was answering the questions Hailey was shooting at him.

“Those were mistakes, I didn’t do this!” He yelled again.

Jay pushed himself upright, getting up from where he was leaning against the wall and pushing the photos of the victims onto the table. “This. Look at this. We can place these girls at the bars you worked at just before they died.”

“Look.” Ben said, looking up at Jay. “I saw them but they left before I even finished my shift.”

Jay glanced at Hailey. “Who did they leave with?” Hailey asked.

Ben looked from Hailey to Jay. “Look, I don’t know the guy, he’s not a regular. But he’s white, about their age. I noticed him because he headed for them the moment that he walked in. Like he knew they were there.”

Before Jay or Hailey moved, a knock came from the door.

“You guys gotta see this.” Adam said, sticking his head in.

“Sit tight.” Jay said to Ben, following Adam outside, where Kevin was waiting as well.

Kevin handed the file to Jay. “We got another one.” Jay flipped open the file, which told him what he already feared. Another victim, of a physical type that not only matched the first two victims but also you.

Jay looked up. “His cooling off period is getting shorter. We need to get this son of a bitch.”

---

The feeling was getting a little stronger that someone had been watching you.

You glanced over your shoulder but as usual the street was empty. Maybe you needed to stop staying late.

You turned back towards the front. There were sounds of footsteps but you swallowed the lump in your throat, quickening your pace as discreetly as you could.

It definitely felt like someone was following you now. You were almost running by the time you rounded the corner, colliding with someone.

You gave a yelp of surprise.

“Y/N!”

You had collided with Jay.

You let out a breath, spinning around to look over your shoulder.

“What’s going on? You okay?” Jay’s eyes snapped from you to the empty street behind you.

You turned back to look at Jay. Now that he was standing in front of you, it didn’t seem that scary anymore - maybe you had imagined the whole thing.

You shook your head, taking one last glance behind you. “What are you doing here? You finished the case?”

Jay smiled but the smile didn’t really reach his eyes. “Just wanted to check in on you. I have to go back soon.”

You reached for his hand without saying anything and that’s how the both of you walked back to your apartment, your hand clenched securely in his, almost like the both of you had a tight bubble around you.

You could tell Jay’s mind was far away, and it was even more unlike him to come see you in the middle of a case. You knew there was something troubling him but you weren’t one to press. Jay would tell you when he felt he could or he wanted to.

Instead, you just squeezed his hand.

Almost as if you were prying him from his thoughts, Jay looked at you and smiled. He pulled you closer to him, tucking you under his arm.

“You’re okay, right?” You asked, without looking up at him, just as he escorted you to your door.

Jay turned to look at you and nodded. “I will be, once this case is over.” He leaned forward to give you a kiss. “If anything happens, you call me, okay? No matter what.”

You raised an eyebrow but nodded at him, watching him disappear into the elevator before you retreated back into your apartment.

---

Intelligence had been tirelessly chasing down leads but they now had four bodies and Voight was getting pressure to solve this quickly as well. They needed a break in this case and fast.

“Okay, let’s regroup, what do we have so far?” Voight barked.

“All four victims were raped and found with multiple stab wounds. We know he picks up his victims from bars and appears non-threatening enough that his victims are willing to leave with him.” Jay said, getting up.

Hailey headed to the board, frowning. “We dumped their phones but we weren’t able to find any connection between the victims other than their physical type.” Hailey cast a look at Jay, which Voight didn’t miss. “I think he’s working his way up to something.”

“Hey guys?” Kim spoke up as she walked back in, flipping open the file sitting on her desk. “I went back over the first murder to see if we missed anything. Look at this.”

Kim pulled in her chair, zooming into the photo. “This badge here on his jacket, it’s barely visible so we missed it the first few times. I sent it to the lab to see if they could enhance the image and this is what I got.”

Kim clicked and up popped the crest of a high school. “Look, it’s not just a general badge. Look at the year.”

“Okay, that is the crest for Lincoln High. It’s a jacket given to those who graduated that year.” Kevin said, frowning at it.

“I’ll run the list of students who graduated in that year.” Jay barked, heading straight for his desk, his fingers flying across his keyboard.

Cross-checking was the worst job ever but the moment Jay’s eyes landed on your name on the list of graduates, he pulled it together, eliminating the women, men who had moved out of state or country, until finally he only had three names on the list.

“Okay, I have a Steven Miller, Charles Shoemaker and John Marlin.” Jay finally spoke up as everyone looked up. “But only Steven Miller has priors.”

“For harassment, sexual misconduct, and attempted assault. Sarge, this has to be our guy.” Jay looked up at Voight.

“Do we have an LKA?” Voight asked.

“Already on it.” Adam said.

“Go pick him up.” Adam nodded, motioning to Kevin as they headed out.

Something was bugging Jay. Steven Miller. That name was…

Fuck.

Jay pushed back his chair, entering Voight’s office without knocking and closing the door behind him.

“Sarge.”

Voight looked up, frowning a little at the look on Jay’s face. He put down his pen and leaned back in his chair, looking up at Jay.

“I’ve heard Miller’s name before. It was bugging me, but I remember now.”

Voight sat up straighter.

“I’m seeing his ex-girlfriend.” The words slipped past Jay’s lips. “Sarge, everything makes sense now. The physical type, the way he’s building up because his actual target…” Jay trailed off.

You had told Jay about Steven just once. You hadn’t gone into detail but you had told Jay about the short period that you had been together with Steven – his need for control over all aspects of your life, how he had always been a little rough, how he hadn’t taken any form of rejection well, and how you’d ended it the day he struck you.

“Take Hailey.”

Jay was already halfway to the door.

---

You had left early today.

It had been a while since you had done such an early shift but you’d been feeling more and more uneasy while walking home at night and the news coverage on the murders that were happening at the moment didn’t help.

You didn’t need Jay to tell you that you looked exactly like those girls who had been murdered. It was clear as day.

You fiddled with the key in the lock, opening the door.

You felt your heart drop into your stomach as you registered the person standing in front of you. In your house.

“Steven.” You muttered, your voice trembling, barely registering the butt of a gun heading towards your temple before it went dark.

---

Hailey hadn’t said anything but she knew something was off.

“Jay, what’s going on?” She asked. “How do you know this girl’s the target?”

Jay didn’t answer but pressed harder on the accelerator, gripping the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles were white. The ringing tone going off through his bluetooth speaker in the car making him feel even worse.

“Jay.” Hailey said again. “I’m your partner.”

Jay glanced at her now. “She’s my girlfriend.”

Hailey’s eyebrows shot up. “I didn’t even know you were seeing someone.”

Jay let a beat of silence passed. “Miller’s her ex. I should have seen the signs, the physical type, everything, I…”

“Jay. She’ll be fine. Come on.” Hailey reassured him, as he turned his truck onto the familiar street.

“She’s still not answering.” Jay said, through gritted teeth. He’d been trying to call you since he had left the station.

Without hesitation, Jay bounded up the stairs, Hailey right behind him. From down the corridor, Jay could already tell your door was slightly ajar.

“Hang back.” Jay whispered, pulling out his service weapon.

Jay quietly approached the door. “Y/N?” He opened the door with his foot, freezing as his eyes landed on you, sitting in a chair in the middle of the room, your eyes frantic as Steven held a knife to your throat from where he stood behind you.

Jay gritted his teeth, using his foot to slam the door shut, knowing that Hailey would know what to do.

“Step away from her.” Jay growled, pointing his gun directly at Steven.

Steven smiled. “I was wondering when you’d arrive. Put that down.”

Jay grinded his teeth but didn’t move. You felt the cold blade of the knife press against your skin and inhaled sharply.

“Put. It. Down.” Steven repeated.

“Okay, okay.” Jay said, glancing at you before putting his hands above his head, disarming his gun and putting it down onto the floor.

Steven smiled again, tucking a stray hair behind your ear.

“Don’t you fucking touch her.” Jay growled.

“I don’t think you’re in a position to tell me what to do.” Steven answered.

“Jay, I’m sorry.” You whispered.

Jay looked straight at you. “It’s going to be okay. You focus on me, you hear me? I’m right here.”

“We broke up a long time ago, what the hell are you doing?” You asked. You were afraid, hell you were trembling, but this was crazy and you had to help Jay to find a way out of this.

“We wouldn’t be broken up if he hadn’t come between us.” Steven snarled, moving closer towards you, his lips almost touching your ear.

Jay growled. “Leave her alone.”

Steven looked back up at Jay again.

“What, you mean don’t do this?” Steven asked, crushing his lips against yours.

“Don’t you fucking touch her!” Jay yelled. “Is that what you did? How you forced yourself on all the other girls? What do you want, Steven? What are you trying to accomplish?”

“All I wanted was to be with Y/N! But you took her.” He spat.

“So you decided to go on a rampage?” Jay asked. You saw him twitch like he was looking for something so you started talking, as much as it made you want to gag.

“Steven, why didn’t you just talk to me?” You asked, trying to distract him.

“Talk? All you care about is him!” He yelled, lifting the knife and pointing it at Jay.

It happened in a split second.

The moment he lifted the knife, Jay yelled, “Now, Y/N!”

You threw yourself forward, covering your head with your hands as you heard the gunshots go off, just two. You weren’t sure who was shooting but you didn’t move until you heard Jay’s voice again.

“Y/N, it’s okay, it’s over.” Jay whispered.

You looked up, Jay’s face hovering above you.

“Jay…”

Jay nodded, “It’s okay, come here.”

Jay pulled his arms around you.

“He…” Jay shook his head, shielding your view of Steven’s now motionless body. “Don’t look back, come on.”

Jay tried to lead you out of the apartment, barely making it to the main door before his teammates appeared. “Jay!” Kevin called, as he spotted both of you.

Jay nodded. “Thanks.” Kevin nodded, his eyes lingering on the way Jay was holding you close to his side before making way for Jay to lead you back down to the ground floor where the ambulances were waiting.

Jay led you all the way to the waiting paramedics, not even leaving your side to get himself checked.

You weren’t hurt, not really. There was a little open cut from where Steven had pressed the blade a little too hard when he had been agitated but other than that you were fine. Well, that, and that disgusting feeling that came with remembering how Steven had pressed his lips against yours.

Voight approached you and Jay. Jay squeezed your hand. “I’ll be right back.” You smiled and nodded.

Jay and Voight talked in low voices until Voight turned to look at you. “And she’s okay?”

Jay nodded. “Yeah, she is. I just need to…”

“Do what you need to do. We’ll finish up here.” Voight said, nodding and clapping Jay on the back.

---

The paramedics had dressed the wound on the scene before Jay had brought you back to his apartment.

After getting you into a clean change of clothes and some warm food in you, you had ended up back in your favourite place in the world – on Jay’s couch, in Jay’s apartment, encircled in Jay’s arms.

You lay your head on Jay’s chest.

“So this was all because of me?” You asked in a low voice.

Jay sat up, looking at you. “What?”

“He killed all those women… because of me. I got them killed.” You whispered.

“No, no, baby.” Jay propped himself up, but didn’t let you go. “This is not your fault. Steven he… he did this, not you.”

You looked up at him. “He even… in front of you… he…” You could feel tears welling up in your eyes, you felt disgusting. He’d kissed you, he’d done it in front of Jay and he’d ruined everything.

You hadn’t said that much but Jay just tilted your chin upwards and kissed you. “Jay…”

“I’ll take it all away.” Jay whispered. “I’m sorry, I should have been there sooner.”

You shook your head, swiping away the tears that had slid down your cheeks.

Jay cupped your cheek again, pulling you into his chest. You balled your hand around his shirt, gripping at Jay.

“It’s okay, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” Jay whispered.

“I’ll never let anyone touch you ever again.” He half snarled, still caressing you gently.

You leaned into his embrace, closing your eyes as the sound of Jay’s heartbeat gently lulled you back into the feeling of safety and security.

[dragonflight203]

As I understand it, there are Mass Effect relays all over the galaxy. However, most of them are off. Given the experience with the Rachni, the Citadel forbids turning a relay on until its partner is found. (How do you tell what relays connect to each other? Good question!).

So only 1% of the galaxy has actually been explored. (Taken from the Citadel Space Codex entry.) Anything could be going on in the other 99%, so for all we know there's an empire of Synthetics with their own relay network.

For context, the Turian Unification war was around 300 BCE. They didn't make contact with the Citadel until around 700 CE. So they were a space faring race for centuries, had a civil war, and built their own empire without contacting C-Space. (Dates taken from the wiki timeline).

Given there's 99% of the galaxy unexplored, I think it's more unlikely that there aren't other such empires out there.

Yeah the exact timeline around when synthetic research was outlawed is vague. Sometimes it was outlawed before the geth rebelled, sometimes it was outlawed because the geth rebelled. Even in ME1 there are discrepancies, although I haven't written that down in my notes.

It may be one of those areas where everyone hemmed and hawed to avoid making a commitment, watched it blow up in someone else's face, then claimed they were always against it.

I think your approach is best for consistency. There were implicit policies in place prior to the Geth rebellion that were made much more explicit after it.

The disadvantage with the Codex is that we only know what the writer believes. Given we're playing as Shepard, the writer is probably the Alliance. So it's not the most reliable source of information.

The ability is based on the Leviathan's indoctrination ability (also unexplained!) but the Reapers have had millennia to improve upon it. Since synthetics arise in every cycle, I have a hard time believing the Reapers haven't come up with a means to control them. Which is probably where the reprogramming comes in.

So my guess: Indoctrination for organics. Reprogramming for synthetics.

Indoctrination, as you said, has a long term, permanent impact on organics. This is more advantageous to the Reapers, as it's a one and done deal. The Reapers don't need to be around to maintain it. Organics can resist it, at least in short bursts.

Reprogramming is less reliable. What has been reprogrammed once can be reprogrammed again. If we accept synthetics are sentient, they could resist the reprogramming like organics resist indoctrination. If they resist the reprogramming long enough, they can reprogram themselves back to normal. (Why the hell aren't the Reapers using admin commands to prevent them from doing so? Because the plot demands, I guess.)

So once Legion is no longer a Reaper beacon, the geth return to normal.

I don't think this is good explanation and I wouldn't use it in my own writing, but it's something.

I actually quite like the indoctrination theory, but I don't think it's what Bioware intended. I've just made peace that it's rare for any canon to be perfectly consistent or of equal quality across a series, so I'm willing to substitute fanon when needed.

(That said, I also think it's important to distinguish between what is canon and what is fanon.)

Arguably, in the indoctrination theory a high EMS is the bad ending - Shepard resists the indoctrination long enough to choose destroy, but they survive and are still indoctrinated.

This, obviously, makes the perfect lead in to ME5. Shepard should be the villain because they're indoctrinated. Everyone wins! Shepard comes back but isn't the protagonist.

(Look, if you're going to piss of the entire fan base you may as well go all the way. )

Personally, my own take on the endings is that the Star child is lying through their teeth about all of them. Shepard is descending into delirium due to blood loss, and so isn't thinking clearly well enough to catch it, much less call the star child out on it.

Wasn't there something in ME3 that implied or stated Xen still wanted to control the Geth?

I want badly to say that there is, but I don't recall exactly when. Maybe one of the conversation when Legion is on the ship?

I checked a video, and she does say she could use Legion to find a weakness in the Geth consensus.

If the thread about Xen controlling the Geth is dropped completely, then that is odd. And unfortunately par for the course in ME3. :/

ME1 replay thoughts, wrapping up the Citadel quests:

-The Quarians have uncovered the most mass relays. Logical enough, since they spend all their time in space

-Fist is long gone, but everyone is still talking about him like he's alive. Not sure if that's a bug or an oversight on Bioware's part

-There are a lot of humans in the Wards. I'm going to assume Shepard's in the Citadel equivalent of Chinatown for humans

-There aren't any Turians in the Wards until the Markets. Was that intentional on Bioware's part because of humanity's poor relations with them?

-Conrad's "wife" will love him hanging a picture of femshep in their living room. Uh uh. Sure.

-Starting the Keeper quest by speaking to Jahleed sure leads to different results! Had to fight Chorban. And volunteering to scan the Keepers means I missed out on the paragon points when I returned to Jahleed. :/ Worth seeing once, but not repeating in the future.

-The Keepers and the Citadel are a total blackbox. How did anyone get the idea that inhabiting this place was a good idea, much less making it the center of government? And why don't they at least research it?

-Yep, running all over the Citadel again to scan the Keepers is very aggravating.

-Just how did Septimus learn Xeltan's secrets?

-Turians only wear those hoods in the Wards, not on the Presidium. There are Turians in casual clothes on the Presidium, so I suppose the hoods are just super casual? Like hoodies?

-The Banes person who blackmails Dr. Michel is built up, and then goes absolutely nowhere. Others have said it more eloquently than me, but it is a letdown.

-Shai'ra's words are a bit disappointing to me. Insightful, I suppose, but not so poetic to be beautiful or helpful to be meaningful. I don't mind helping her, but I'm not counting the words as a reward.

-And again once she's done with me and asks me to leave, because she's everything she can for me... I'm just saying, Shepard could probably use a massage. Or someone that isn't a crewmate to talk to. This is what makes me feel used. At least invite me back for tea next time I'm on the Citadel or something.

It's like the consort wants to know everyone except Shepard.

-The Signal Source sidequest is probably the closest Mass Effect comes to foreshadowing the end of ME3, sadly enough. And a large chunk of players probably never started it, and even fewer probably finished it.

-I should have realized Tali would object to possibly resolving matters with the Signal Source peacefully. Of course she would assume it would turn on us. And it insisting that organics must destroy or control synthetics doesn't help.

Still nothing that even hints at Synthesis.

-Interesting. It's possible that Schells was involved in its creation.

The creator originally created a machine to help funnel money from gambling terminals. That machine became an AI, which created the Signal Source, and the original machine was destroyed when the creator realized it was sentient. And who did I just run into that created a device for winning at Quasar in Flux?

However, the Signal Source says the creator is currently serving time in a Turian prison, so Schells probably isn't the creator. They may or may not know each other. Or the Signal Source could have been lying about the creator, the Turian Prison, or both.

-Running all over the Citadel to check each shop is so tedious. Money will become meaningless soon enough, but right now I have very little. At least I picked up a half decent armor for Tali.

[scorpionyx9621]

Soft Bluepulse Headcanons because it's 2021 I'm procrastinating on my resume and wow this is a hell of a ship.

While you literally have to tell Jaime to please put a shirt on sometimes. Bart is rarely seen without his shirt on because he doesn't want Jaime to see the scars he got from Future Jaime and The Reach.

The one time Jaime did see the scars and the branded Reach identification code on Bart's arm. Jaime ran off and cried. When Bart finally caught up to Jaime being comforted by Nightwing. Bart confessed not only his intentions on doing whatever it took to stop Jaime, but that he also loved Jaime. When Jaime confirmed his feelings for Bart, the two agreed to no longer hold secrets from each other if they can help it.

While Bart is a caffeine fiend, Jaime can barely get past a can of soda. Poor boy always had a sensitivity to caffeine. And Khaji Da PANICKS if Jaime kisses Bart too soon after he has coffee because Jaime will feel the caffeine. He's that sensitive.

While Bart may be the snuggle bug, Jaime is usually the one to initiate more of the tender responses/reactions. If Bart's anxiety is begging to flair up, Jaime will just guard dog him and pull him into a tight hug. Bart stammering off on a topic and is being too loud. Jaime will bend down and give a gentle peck on the lips to Bart. Quiets him down every time.

Khaji Da is a staby asexual alien Superweapon who doesn't entirely get why Jaime likes the interdimemsional threat so much. But every time Jaime sees Bart happy and smile and even just the sight shoots all the good chemicals to Jaime's brain and even Khaji Da likes the chemical surge.

"Jaime Reyes, engaging in acts of s*x*al interc*urse is not conducive to human reproduction" "Good" "Why do you continue to partake in those actions" "Because I like Bart a lot and he's got a nice butt"

Bart has stolen 5 of Jaime's hoodies and refuses to give them back. Only allowing him to re-wear them temporarily because 'they don't smell like you anymore'. Jaime's parents are getting kind of sick spending more money on clothes but Jaime loves seeing Bart asleep in what he wears.

Jaime still gets really upset and cries when he thinks of just how bad he hurt Bart in his timeline. In fact Bart is surprised by just how emotional and just how much Jaime cries. He puts up a very cold and nonchalant front. But Bart has seen Jaime cry over sad Tik Toks of animals to crying over the stress of being a hero.

In response, Jaime is taken aback by just how much of a survivalist Bart is. When Bart is confronted with some seriously heavy and messed up shit he'll just go stone cold and straight-faced. He gets a bit better but still goes into survival mode and becomes almost emotionless for a while.

Speaking of, what helps Jaime and Khaji grow and work together is the fact the two start talking to each other. Bart starts to get over his fear and begins asking what Khaji thinks in this situation. The first time Bart said hi to both Jaime and Khaji, Khaji gave Jaime SO MUCH serotonin.

Jaime absolutely is the protective boyfriend. While Bart may be the one who seems more likely to square up. Last time someone said something homophobic towards them, Jaime punched them so hard they need Ed to get their jaw wired shut. Khaji had a hand but also told Jaime the exact site of/and position of the jugular vein and exactly how much pressure it would take to sever it.

Jaime is always cold despite being shirtless any opportunity he can be (boys are weird ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) and loves to snuggle with Bart because the boy is a literal human nuclear reactor of heat. So snuggles are always mutually beneficial.

When Bart found out that Jaime's favorite Hero was Batman. The first thing he did was go to Nightwing and ask if the Bats would be willing to surprise Jaime for his upcoming birthday. Nightwing told him he doubted it but have him Bat's contact anyways. Initially Batman said no. He's too busy for frivolous things like birthdays. Fast forward to two weeks later and of course Batman just pops into Titans Tower unannounced and is just like 'i want cake and to talk to Blue Beetle' Jaime is freaking out. Bart is just all smiles.

Jaime's parents were a little taken aback at first when he came out and told them he was dating Bart. Now Jaime literally cannot stop the text messages of his family asking how he and Bart are doing. Jaime's mom made some Tamales to give to Jaime since he said he missed her cooking, but made extra beef and cheese 'because those are Bart's favorites'

Both aren't spectacular at cooking, but Jaime is a better cook than Bart. But only barely. Bart knows how to cook something so it won't kill him from foodborne illness. Jaime has at least a better grasp on the concept of spices and seasonings. Together they combine their half selves to make one somewhat functional kitchen braincell.

Nightmares are something both the boys struggle with. And while both love to be comforted by the other. They both understand sometimes they'll be the subject of each other's nightmares and give each other their space. Sometimes it's more healthy to do that than risk re-traumatizing someone.

Enjoy!

[vegalocity]

Hug while straddling for @purble-turble's Time Travel Red and MK?

Affection meme

31. Hugging While straddling partner

Eyyyy lmao I'm always down to talk about Red Son: Ultimate Enemy as told by @purble-turble

--

There was no such thing as 'loving mental illness away'.

That was one of the very first things Qi Xiaotian had internalized when he came to the decision to make up with Red Son after his future adventure.

He wasn't exactly the picture of mental health himself, but when Red Son stumbled back into their time period, jacket chopped in half hair shorn close to his head and so obviously choking back tears, He'd instantly known whatever had happened to him had been actual hell. (Of course at first he'd forced himself to not care for how angry he'd been with Red Son after he'd told him about his parents plan and how he'd been a willing pawn in it, but that was beside the point)

So once he'd been properly brought upt to date on the exacts of the nightmare-future, and they'd started the process of looking for a therapist for Red Son, as clearly, he'd needed it, Xiaotian had taken it upon himself to do some research on his own time. it was a little difficult, he didn't want Red to find out about it until he actually had a better sense of what he should be doing, but since Red Son rarely seemed to be able to sleep anymore (even when Xiaotian could get him to lay with him in bed it was clear what little sleep he did get was rife with nightmares) and when he did sleep through the night he would wake up earlier than him, and they lived together... his most constant time for research was usually when he was technically on the clock.

But he'd gotten a couple of books about Post-traumatic stress disorder, general psychology, and 'So you've got a loved one with severe depression' (an actual title) and he'd scribble notes into the margins and on sticky notes when there was time between deliveries. And the first lesson every single one of those books had for him was just that.

You can't 'love someone out of their illness'. That's not a thing. The best you can do is love them through it.

So he did his best with that.

On some days that was just sending texts full of cute animal gifs and heart emojis, on some that was coming up to the loft on break to sit next to the lump of pillows and blankets on the bed and (after finding the telltale hint of short red hair that gave away where his head was) resting a hand on the part of the lump that was most likely an arm, gently rubbing it, and sitting in silence until his break ended.

And on some days it was this.

"It's not safe you're not safe I'm gonna slip up eventually-" Red Son's voice was fragile and warbling as his actions contradicted his words, hands scrabbling up and down his back and sides, gripping periodically for purchase before shrinking back as if afraid just hugging him back would crush him. "I'm gonna do something-"

"You won't." Xiaotian was practically seated in Red Son's lap at this point. Red had been sitting on the floor, back to the edge of the bed when the meltdown had begun, so kneeling on the ground until he was rested on his partners legs did two things:

one, it enabled him to wrap him up as tight as he could in his arms without having to twist one or both of them in an awkward angle.

and two, the extra pressure would probably help ground him, make it a little easier to come down from this one.

"You don't know that" His voice was hoarse, desperate. and Xiaotian closed his eyes and squeezed Red Son tighter.

"I do. I know you, hun." Red Son sobbed into his shoulder and he felt his hands finally decide where to be, resting across either shoulder blades and balling the fabric they found there up into fists.

"I know there's basically nothing that'll make you believe it at this point, but you're a good man, Red Son."

"I'm no-"

"Shhh, my turn to talk now." he shifted a hand to be able to bury it in Red Son's hair. He could feel him ever so minutely relax beneath him at the sensation. "You saw your potential for being a bad person, and don't forget everyone's got it. I have it, Xiaojiao has it, hell Monkey King has recorded evidence for his bad person potential, anyway, you saw yours and you've been working your ass off nonstop to keep it from ever getting the best of you.

"And this shit is fucking hard, hun. You're fighting your own brain and the actual literal future here! and guess what? it might not feel like it right now but you're winning."

Still, he shook his head against Xiaotian's shoulder. he didn't want to interrupt again, but still make his disagreement known.

"You are." He pulled away just enough to be able to properly cup Red Son's wet face in his hands. "You think that Evil King remotely hacked Jin and Yin's stupid battle robot in that illegal mech fighting ring and made it throw the match making them look like idiots in his timeline?" Red's gaze broke from his own as he thought back on the fight that broke out the week previous.

"....I suppose not-"

"You think that Evil King ever thinks for more than a second about the ethics of what evil plans he carries out let alone hours of agonizing over whether something was the right call or not?"

"Certainly not but that's not-"

"It is the point, Red. You're not the same person anymore. Maybe you started from the same roots, but he dug himself back into the ground and you rose up like a fucking tree instead."

Red Son met his gaze again, and Xiaotian could tell he still didn't believe him, but there was a spark there.

The faintest, dimmest hope.

"You are a good man, Red Son." this time he made sure every word was careful deliberate. So there was no misunderstandings that could be made. "And I am not accepting counterarguments at this time so you'd better fucking take it."

When he pulled Red Son against his chest again, and let the demon continue to cry quietly into his shirt, he pressed a small kiss to the crown of his head.

"I love you."

Red Son choked on a sob, and didn't answer.

It wasn't an issue, he knew Red Son loved him. Part of this whole thing being a thing in the first place was because Red Son loved him. Red Son wouldn't be as scared of becoming the Evil King as he was if he didn't love him so he knew better than to take to heart the days where he just couldn't say the words back.

There weren't any cures for mental illnesses. There were ways to mitigate the symptoms, but there are no spells that cure depression, there's no potion of anti-PTSD, and no person can love someone out of their illness.

But heavens above did he wish it some days.

He'd give anything to make it so Red Son wouldn't have to be in so much pain.

But all he could do was just hold him tighter, and stroke the short red tresses between his fingers until the sobbing stopped.

It took less time than usual.

Red was exhausted and pliant by the end of it and let Xiaotian drag him about the loft, obediently (if slowly) eating what was pressed into his hands and then nursing the mug of tea he was given as they settled down on the mound of cushions and he put on that 'how things are made' show that Red Son liked.

He was asleep halfway through the second episode.

Sure, some days were harder than others, and sure, some days he'd wish there was a cure just to spare Red the suffering.

But he felt Red Son's head slowly loll to the side until it rested on his shoulder, breathing slow and even and looking for the first time today like he was at peace and-

He still wouldn't trade it for anything.

"Love You, Hun."

Red Son hummed against him.

--

Send me stuff!

[mythiccheroacademia]

Okay okay hear me out. Time traveling children. Like Todoroki, Iida, Shinsou and Tamaki casually finding their daughters in their timeline. Like they look at the girls and are just dumbfounded cause "this girl looks like my love child with y/n". And god forbid if the kid slips a "daddy?!" at them. *they all have daughters and todo has twin daughters and you cant change my mind *

doin the first three as per the rules! 

A/N: Okay, but can we all just agree that Parent!Bnha characters are superior? I literally spend whatever free time I have looking/reading next-gen MHA fanfics. They’re so precious. I might have to make one myself hmmm...

Warning: fluff overload?

Todoroki Shoto:

all todoroki wanted to do was go to bed on time 

all week, his friends convinced him to stay up past 8 and it’s been making him cranky

he’s such a grandpa

but you were a part of the group so he did it without complaint

today, he could finally sleep at 7:30pm

that was until he saw two 13-year-old girls on his bed

the girls stare at shoto and he stares back

then he turns to leave before they’re literally jumping at him and slamming the door shut

he’s already thinking of 101 ways to escape this stalker situation

the girls speak before he can freeze them

“we’re not stalkers”

“we’re actually related. swear!”

just as he’s about to tell them off and how he’s certain he doesn't have any relatives outside of his immediate family, he takes a look at the girls

he notices one has red hair and the other white. their eyes are heterochromic, like his, but one is blue and the other is e/c. their skin is a blend of his and someone else's

they look too much like him

the gears in todoroki’s head start turning

“who are you?”

the one with white hair looks nervous, but the one with red hair stares him right in the eyes

“we’re your--”

“shoto?”

you come from behind the door to see the trio

the girls seem excited 

“wow,” the one w white hair gasps

the one w red hair smiles lovingly, “mom’s been a baddie her entire life, huh?”

it was low enough so you didn't hear, but todoroki sure did

he looks between you, the girls, and himself in the mirror

then he bursts into flames

“shoto?” 

“dad!”

“daddy!?”

the flames on his left side get bigger

after he finally gets his bearings, todoroki puts the fire out and the twins explain themselves

you look amazed and smile at the fact that you made such pretty girls

meanwhile, todoroki is SWEATING

you and him got together? married? and had children? 4 children?

he just realized he thought you were beautiful last week

like can he get a break?

nearly jumps as you bring to his attention that the quirk that teleported them is fading

as they fade away, the one with red hair glares at him and warns

“dont mess up, old man”

when they're gone, todoroki sees you nervously scratch your neck

he half wanted to fade away as well

he didn't get the chance to go to bed on time, but after a long talk about feelings, he gets the courage to, awkwardly, you on a date

it goes really well and y’all meet your daughters again 10 years later :)

Tenya Iida:

there is a 9-year-old girl in his room and iida is currently having an internal meltdown

he’s trying his darn best to keep it together so he doesn't scare the small child, but it’s hard

freaks out anyway

“excuse me, lost child! where are your guardians!?”

“how did you bypass the UA security system!?”

“it is past your bedtime!”

his arms are whipping up a storm and he’s going on about child labor laws for some unknown reason

in the midst of his panic, he doesn't see the girl walk in front of him

she somehow catches his hands and lets his palms squeeze her chubby cheeks

“look at me and breathe”

“huh?” he whispers

the girl gives him a wide smile that’s eerily familiar 

“that’s how momma always calms you down, papa. you have to breathe!” she explains

the words register in his head and iida is, once again, having a meltdown

he always wanted a family, but having it confirmed was WILD

he had so many questions, but he was more focused on just how his...daughter got in his room

she explains it the best she can

“i was playing with Koji on the playground and then some mean-y zapped me with a quirk and, poof, i was gone. then i came here. you look different papa. you’re the same, but a little smaller”

he’s taking in the info and deduces that it was some kind of teleportation quirk

he doesn't know much, but he figures it will wear off

take his child to Recovery Girl just to make sure

Recovery Girl is amused at the entire situation and confirms that the quirk will wear off eventually

just out of curiosity, she asks who her mother is

“that’s easy! it’s Tenya y/n and her hero name is [hero-name]!”

the old woman goes “awww”

iida has never been redder in his entire life

he ended up marrying you?

YOU?

the girl with the prettiest eyes, most brilliant mind, and calming bright smile?

the exact smile this child had?

he almost fainted

when he takes his daughter back, iida is stoic, glasses reflecting the light

you meet him and the hallway and the girl runs towards you 

“momma!”

you catch the girl out of pure reflex and hold her in confusion

as you try to explain that you're not her mother, iida stares at the similarities

you two were nearly a carbon copies except for the engines in her shins and the sharp eyes

he sighs and calms his heart

instead of overwhelming you, he takes the girl back and promises to explain later

iida and your daughter fall asleep and the next day, she’s gone

iida goes to talk to you with the love letter he wrote a while ago behind his back

let’s just say you’ll be seeing the munchkin in no time

Hitoshi Shinsou:

when shinsou sees the 5-year-old on his bed, he knows

the girl with bright purples eyes and h/c hair is almost a perfect blend of both you and him

he’s smart

besides, he’d know that beautiful hair anywhere

it wasn't like he knew you were the love of his life

it wasn't like he stared you for hours

but that’s beside the point

the girl seems unsure about approaching him until he kneels in front of her and stretches his arms out

then she sobs into shirt, tiny fists balling up his collar

“i’m sowwy about runnin’ away when you told me not to! the kitty was just so pwetty, daddy!”

yeah, definitely his child 

“it’s okay,” he coos. “im not mad at you”

it’s almost scary how natural he is at calming her down

he picks her up and walks around, whispering sweet nothings in her ear until her tears run dry

is the only one out of the others that understands that if the girl reveals too much, she could ruin the timeline

and he wasn't about to let your ass go

after just finding out that he somehow managed to trick you into marrying him?

hell no

shinsou’s putting a ring on that even if it kills him

“okay, peanut. here’s how this is gonna go”

it takes a bit of back and forth, and bribing (he’s low-key proud of her bargaining skills), for her to promise that she’ll only call you by your hero name

and to reveal how many siblings she has

she’s the youngest of three with another one on the way

you always did like even numbers

when he takes you to the common room, he’s delighted to see you 

you are so excited to meet his “little cousin”

the way you and the little girl get along pulls at his heartstrings

you were going to be such a good mother

gosh, you were such a catch

how did he manage to scoop you?

shinsou may have taken a picture or two without you knowing

yall end up having a movie night and falling asleep

you two wake up in each other’s arms, your daughter gone

“that was our daughter, wasn't it?”

he’s kind of taken aback you pieced it together, but not surprised

you were smart 

and you had eyes

“yeahh,” he shrugs

you laugh and lie your head back down on his chest

there’s peace in his heart that he hasn't felt in awhile

“she’s kind of perfect”

shinsou wraps his arms around you, promising to never let go

“just like her mother”