#to be fair it also seems like she's just forgetting some things because she can't watch it consistently

[freyafrida]

rilla of ingleside, chapter three

this turned out to be a long one bc i can't shut up about these kids lmao

This is probably the chapter I've reread the most! After hearing about the Blythe-Meredith kids from the gossipy ladies in chapter one, and meeting Rilla, Walter, and Miss Oliver in chapter two, the war generation all finally shows up in this chapter, and we get a sense of them from the way they talk and interact on the way to the lighthouse dance. Since it's the only pre-war chapter featuring all the kids, I find myself rereading it a lot for fanfic personality/relationship references, haha.

“The latter had come over from Lowbridge the previous evening and had been prevailed upon to remain for the dance at the Four Winds lighthouse the next night.”

Sometimes I forget that Gertrude is meant to be living in Lowbridge for parts of the book because she's at Ingleside all the time anyway lmao.

“It’s my first really-truly grown-up party, Miss Oliver, and I’ve just lain awake at nights for a week thinking it over. ”

Something about this sentence reads so much like young Anne to me (maybe the phrasing of "really-truly"); despite Anne's concern over Rilla's lack of ambition, Rilla is her mother's daughter in that sense of dreaminess and earnest excitement over things she loves.

Inch restingly, it seems like Rilla turns fifteen between this chapter and the last (last chapter was June, she's turning fifteen next month, it's now August, per the events of the chapter and Walter's description of "How beautiful the old Glen was, in its August ripeness"). I have thoughts about this bc I was wrestling with her birthday in a fic and realized -- the book doesn't recognize her birthday at all, not in the four years it spans. You'd think Rilla would've had a fifteenth birthday party before the war, at least, but it doesn't appear so. I don't think Anne has a proper birthday party ever, either, although she's mentioned to attend one or two over the course of the series.

“Of course Carl and Jerry can’t dance because they’re the minister’s sons, or else I could depend on them to save me from utter disgrace.”

Carl swooping in to save Rilla from utter disgrace!!! LMM why can't you let me have these things 😭 (Also, I realize they must see each other often, given that they're from two close families in a small town, but I have to admit I find it hard to believe that Jerry even knows Rilla exists.)

Disappointingly for the Rilla/Carl agenda, the bit abut Jerry and Carl not being able to dance was not in the original draft, per Readying Rilla -- instead, it says "but they're just like my brothers and I'll feel they're only doing it out of charity." LMM sniping me from beyond the grave 😩 Also curious if LMM like...forgot that minister's children shouldn't dance, or if it was more of an expectation that not everyone followed, and she made the decision to use it as a reason. (The bit about it feeling like charity is applied to Gertrude feeling that way about Jem and Walter dancing with her instead -- also, it's initially written that Jem and Jerry will take her out, but Jerry is crossed out and replaced with Walter, presumably due to the above edit.)

“I tried to draw back—and I saw that the edge of my dress was wet with blood—and I woke—shivering. I don’t like the dream. There was some sinister significance in it. That kind of vivid dream always ‘comes true’ with me.”

@batrachised pointed out that Gertrude's (I'm going to start calling her Gertrude instead of Miss Oliver because otherwise I'm going to keep going back and forth weirdly) dreams were actually based on LMM's, which, fair enough! That very much tracks with how seriously (almost) everyone takes Gertrude's visions. Idk -- I'm struggling to articulate why it comes off as almost laughably melodramatic to me -- because the war and death do come to Ingleside and touch our characters, and the shattering of their idyllic world is devastating to them (as it was to LMM); it's not as though her dream is wrong, necessarily. Maybe it's just the benefit of hindsight -- like Gertrude's going on about waves of blood on their shores and I'm just in the future like, "maybe you should save some of the dramatics because it's going to get so much worse." (Buuut I am also melodramatic and superstitious so maybe I just do not like looking in this mirror 😔)

“I think the party promises to be pleasant for young fry. I expect to be bored. None of those boys will bother dancing with an old maid like me. Jem and Walter will take me out once out of charity. There will be nobody for me even to talk to. So you can’t expect me to look forward to it with your touching young rapture.”

lmao jesus christ Gertrude. It's especially funny that she says this while also saying that she wants Rilla to have the "splendid, happy" girlhood that she didn't. Let her live then!!! (Also funny that Cousin Sophia is being portrayed as doom and gloom when she says stuff like this, while Gertrude is ~alluringly moody~)

And of course, the war is starting to become a concern for everyone except Rilla -- Dr. Blythe, Jem, and Walter are mentioned to be poring over the paper (none of the girls, even with their interests in 'ologies and 'isms, seem to care -- which sadly tracks, see Anne basically refusing to have a political opinion in House of Dreams. Gertrude, in fairness, is following the war news and mentions it to Rilla). It's interesting that part of the honor in fighting, for Jem, is entwined with defending the British Empire, considering it a family that they're a part of. Iiii...haven't developed any deep thoughts on this, lmao, I've always sort of taken it at face value that Jem -- and Ken, later -- feel this way as Anglo Dudes From 1914, particularly as there is a streak of...insularity, perhaps, in the books re: Anglo Canada. (But it is equally interesting that later on, characters express that they're fighting for Canada instead, not Britain.)

Walter's reaction to the war is telling -- he not only hates the idea (also, lol/sigh that they're just too civilized in the modern age of the twentieth century to go to war) but is kind of in denial about it, refusing to think of it and trying to distract himself with beautiful things.

“Mary Vance is a habit of ours—we can’t do without her even when we are furious with her,” Di Blythe had once said.”

I suppose it says a lot about Mary's character and general self-confidence/lack of self-awareness that she hangs out with people who talk about her like this, because I would not, lol.

“Carl Meredith was walking with Miranda Pryor, more to torment Joe Milgrave than for any other reason.”

LMAO what did Joe Milgrave ever do to Carl? I can't quite make out what this says about Carl -- it doesn't really jive with any of his behavior in Rainbow Valley; he doesn't particularly enjoy getting a rise out of people (e.g. in the chapter where he's not whipped, he feels bad over throwing the eel in the buggy; in the rest of the book, he's almost like, blissfully unaware that his various critters freak other people out). I suppose you could read him as being a bit competitive, or simply that he still enjoys mildly teasing people (which makes his friendship with Rilla pretty funny, given that being teased harrows her soul). Of course, worth mentioning that there's also not much evidence that Rilla and Carl are still close at this point :(

“Shirley Blythe was with Una Meredith and both were rather silent because such was their nature. Shirley was a lad of sixteen, sedate, sensible, thoughtful, full of a quiet humour. He was Susan’s “little brown boy” yet, with his brown hair, brown eyes and clear brown skin. He liked to walk with Una Meredith because she never tried to make him talk or badgered him with chatter. ”

Shirley being the personification of that "best friend I ever had, we still never talk sometimes" Parks and Rec quote, lol. The summation of him is so good, though -- despite what a nonentity he is compared to the other Blythe kids, you get such a good measure of him just from "sedate, sensible, thoughtful, full of a quiet humour." ❤️ I always go back and forth on the possibility of shipping him with Una -- it's lovely that Shirley appreciates her for who she is, that he likes that she's quiet and unassuming. On the other hand, like...what, do they never talk? Lmao. (Una also strikes me as having a bit of...repressed emotion, see her bottling things up and telling them to her mother's old wedding dress as a child, idk that Shirley would be able to draw that out of her...? But he is thoughtful and wholesome, so, maybe!)

“Una was as sweet and shy as she had been in the Rainbow Valley days, and her large, dark-blue eyes were as dreamy and wistful. She had a secret, carefully-hidden fancy for Walter Blythe which nobody but Rilla ever suspected. ”

MY GIRL \O/ I've seen it said that it seems unlikely that no one but Rilla suspects Una's feelings for Walter, but I actually quite like it -- it hints at Rilla actually being empathetic and perceptive under her frivolity, which she'll grow into over the war.

“She liked Una better than Faith, whose beauty and aplomb rather overshadowed other girls—and Rilla did not enjoy being overshadowed.”

Lol, it is very on-brand for early Rilla to feel she's in competition with Faith -- and I'm sure Faith doesn't think about Rilla at all, being 4-5 years older than her. (That said, I sympathize with Rilla not being a Faith enjoyer -- even though she's set up as getting into Anne-like scrapes in RV, the books lean a little too hard on how charming and intelligent and beautiful she is; she loses the flawed, earnestly trying vibe that made Anne endearing imo.) (Also, I love Rilla and Una, but it cracks me up that Rilla basically just likes Una better because she doesn't see her as a threat.)

“ bell was ringing in the little church over-harbour and the lingering dream-notes died around the dim, amethystine points. The gulf beyond was still silvery blue in the afterlight. Oh, it was all glorious—the clear air with its salt tang, the balsam of the firs, the laughter of her friends.”

I haven't been mentioning the nature descriptions because I don't really have anything to say about them other than they're lovely! Such a good sense of those moments when you're just happy, everything around you feels beautiful and you don't mind your problems in that moment -- and of course, the moment here is poised to be shattered very shortly.

“And how humanity responds to the ideal of self-sacrifice!”

Oooooh the foreshadowing! Also a very good summation of the theme of this book, in general -- there are other moments later that I think illustrate it more clearly so I won't go on too much about it now, but -- yeah, there's such a sense in this book of trying to understand and justify the pain of the war as a worthwhile sacrifice.

“We know the real charm of night here as town dwellers never do.”

Hey, leave us town dwellers out of it >:( (I do have a city girl story of visiting family out in the country when I was twelve, and being shocked by how dark it actually got at night, lmao.)

“Rilla flushed. It did not matter to her if Kenneth Ford walked home with Ethel Reese a dozen times—it did not! Nothing that he did mattered to her. He was ages older than she was. He chummed with Nan and Di and Faith, and looked upon her, Rilla, as a child whom he never noticed except to tease.”

First mention of Ken! The funniest bit about this is that his name was originally "Selwyn", and the first like 2/3rds of Readying Rilla have every single mention of him written as "Selwyn Ken". Anyway -- there's kiiiind of a set up for Rilla and Ken here; he teases her and she hates it while secretly liking/wanting more of his attention. There's a short story in TBAQ that adds on to this (honestly, it reads a bit like it's still trying to explain Rilla/Ken twenty years later lmao) -- it mentions that Ken and Rilla fought a lot as children, implying that he liked getting a rise out of her, sort of in a "pulling on her pigtails" kind of way. (Also, again, Nan and Di are set apart from Rilla here 👀)

some stuff from the glossary (minor frustration, the glossary isn't footnoted and is in alphabetical order, so you just kinda have to flip through it and try to remember what each entry is referencing):

More Readying Rilla bits:

After Rilla mentions that Jem and Faith will sit out on the rocks all evening, the next sentence starts with "They're", which is then crossed out and Rilla just starts talking about sailing to the lighthouse. While I'm sure it wasn't a big deal, it reads like someone being cut off right before saying something juicy lmao, tell meeee the Jem/Faith gossip

The line about Rilla being the only one unaware of the worry over the war originally said "only Rilla and Susan", lmao.

Miranda Pryor's name was originally Jennie.

Shirley's originally described as being "full of humor and quiet fun" (instead of "full of a quiet humor"), which does read as something a bit different to me -- the final version makes him sound like more like a quietly amused observer than someone that actually gets into hijinks.

Re: Rilla's silver slippers, the book says that Mrs. Ford (Leslie) sent them to her. The original draft says "Jean gave", which like...who tf is Jean?

[anakinh]

conversations i had with my friend who is liveblogging arcane

[she is on s2ep7]

her: but viktor was never portrayed as an antagonist??

me:

me [remembering that she's only on episode 7 and rapidly backpedalling]: oh yeah he definitely just wants to help people and

---

her: viktor's commune looks amazing though

me [remembering how fucking sick god!viktor looked]: yeah his aesthetic this season is great

---

her: i don't understand why ekko had to go to the alternate universe?

me [realizing that i did because i googled the league of legends version of the characters and know that ekko is the boy who shattered time and he went to that universe to create his time travel thingy and also to make timebomb canon]: uhhh welll uhhh

her: maybe i'll get a better idea in the finale if they revisit that good timeline

me [knowing full damn well they won't]: ahha yeah maybe

---

oh a bonus

her: the husks in jayce's post apocalyptic world look like bugs

me [remembering all the jayvik arcane herald bug sex memes on bluesky]: LMAO

[bolognamayhem117]

Hot Take: Astarion does NOT hate flowers. You just missed a few subtle hints through Act 1 and early Act 3.

Astarion's negativity is directed toward just about anything remotely pleasant as you move through early act three, starting the moment you leave Wyrm's Rock. First thing after Gortash's coronation he marvels near tears at the colors of the city in daylight. If you ask if he's alright, it pisses him off.

There's other instances I can't quite remember but he's a straight crank throughout early Act 3 and it took me several hours of gameplay to have a lightbulb moment about his newly crappier attitude.

He just spent the last two hundred years seeing everything in the overwhelmingly warm dim tones of indoor lighting via sconces, rushlights, and braziers, or the dingy blue gray of moonlight outside. Daylight colors are something he had more than a lifetime to forget and now that he has a chance to remember that vibrancy in his own home town, he knows he's going to have to forget it all over again either by death or by remaining a vampire spawn forever. The worm isn't going to live rent free in his head forever, and killing Cazador to ascend in his place likely feels like an insurmountable and impossible fight against a literal titan who could stomp him flat without a corm of effort.

He doesn't hate flowers, he hates EVERYTHING right now because it's all going away very soon and if he convinces himself he hates everything then he won't miss it when it's all gone again. He was denied this for two hundred years and he's PISSED at what was stolen from him and PISSED it's all going away again.

He behaved similarly in Act 1 about anyone besides him enjoying physical intimacy. Some of this content was cut, to my best knowledge, but the overwhelming majority of his dialog addressing the PC romancing anyone but him are negative or backhanded. This is for two reasons, I think. A: his Simple Plan just dissolved right before his eyes when you chose someone else which in his mind means he has zero safety net, and EVERYONE gets to enjoy sex (key wording being ENJOY, not simply having) except him... And it pisses him off.

He also gleefully interrupts the bug bear and the ogress, I think for the same reason as the above paragraph, being: If he doesn't get to enjoy intimacy neither do they.

He reacts with anger and disgust at anything he's being unfairly denied. Which... That's fair. His feelings are valid, but his reaction to it is pretty shitty and meanspirited.

The other companions I tend to keep in my party, (that is Lae'zel, Halsin, Karlach, and Wyll) however, are actually appearing to behave pretty patiently with him in Act 3 which I find interesting.

In the instance with the flowers Karlach doesn't bother trying to convince him otherwise of his opinion, she just tells him how they make her feel instead and rather than getting snippy or doubling down he more or less agrees to disagree. I also don't recall anyone disagreeing with Astarion during Gale's last quest tasks when he mentioned that he quit praying to gods who wouldn't hear him a long time ago but to be fair, I think the gods did everybody in this crew dirty and they all know it. It seems like they're consciously giving him the space to be mad about things, is what I'm saying.

Everyone I know including myself who crawled out of a long-term hot garbage situation kinda went wild for a bit with freedom, spoke poorly, behaved strangely, had extreme emotional reactions to things, and made some particularly terrible choices. I think that's just a part of recalibrating yourself, healing and learning how to be okay again.

Point is, I wouldn't conflate too many of the turbo-negative things he says with how he actually feels about anything. We certainly know what he says and what he feels are two very different things.

[teenandbeyond]

Aye! Just wanted to firstly say I love your work and hope your doing well also good luck with your summer classes! <3 Can I request Frieza x reader with prompt 39? Basically after reader admits she's pregnant Frieza becomes extremely overprotective till she gives birth? Maybe even some Kuriza content? Remember to drink water and take care you yourself!! Also don't stress about this one shot if its too much :)

Frieza x Fem. Pregnant Reader

All these requests are so old now 😭

Want more from me? masterList II

☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆

Un-Fearless Leader

Warning(s): Fluff

You have the ease of giving someone as cool-headed as Frieza anxiety, but add a baby to the mix?...

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Frieza was already protective over you

Like, "vaporize people for being rude to you on the spot" protective

So when he noticed you seemed more nervous than usual

He thought it must have been time for someone to die

That was until you nervously stammered the words "I'm pregnant."

He was in disbelief

But far from upset like you'd expected.

He seemed like he was a little casual about it

Until he returned with a ton of blankets and had you encased in them on your bed.

That was the beginning.

The next morning, you woke up to a practical breakfast buffet in bed.

"Uhh, Frieza? I don't think I'll be able to eat all this..."

"You're eating for two now. You can't allow yourself to starve!"

"Um...okay?"

He made sure you had the best bath oils

Didn't let you walk anywhere yourself

You can't forget the time you stubbed your toe

"Darling, are you alright?!"

"I just...stubbed it. I'm okay."

Or the time you stumbled over a misplaced slipper, about to catch yourself when suddenly you were in someone's arms with a gust of air.

"You should be more careful, dear. Guards! Where were you?!"

"To be fair, I barely tripped. They're fine."

"Well, what if you had fallen, and I wasn't here?"

He went off if any of his pawns irritated you.

Or if chefs severed any food that he read from some space article that was bad for children.

And randomly he would apologize to you.

"I don't want the baby to hurt you because we don't know how your body will handle it."

You were different races, but you didn't regret a thing.

One time, Kuriza was playing a little too close to you and Frieza went off.

"You need to be careful! You could hurt them!"

"He's okay. He was being gentle."

And things only got worse once he felt the baby kick for the first time.

In the moment, he smiled as he rested his head against your stomach. Gently poking back where he'd felt it

But after, he was protective with a whole new vigor.

It was getting so bad, Kuriza was getting protective, too

Like a distance circle made of some rod, keeping people at least a few feet from you.

The death toll definitely increased, from anyone so much as accidentally bumping into you.

Frieza would literally carry you everywhere you went together.

And you'd try to tell him, "I'm okay."

But you should know better.

When it comes to you?

The fearless leader will always be un-fearless

[teencopandthesourwolf]

He freezes. Doesn't know what the hell else to do. 

He can't picture it: Derek can't remember the last time somebody put their arms around him. 

Was it Laura?

Of course it was Laura. How could he forget that? Derek has gotten pretty good at blocking things out—a little too good, it seems.

She didn't tell him anything before leaving New York. Didn't say a fucking word, just up and vanished. Derek had woken up one morning and she was gone, because she'd known without a shadow of a doubt that Derek would've only followed her if she'd have said a single word to him.

Nobody ever granted Derek’s wishes, no matter who or what he prayed to. Those desperate pleas where he asked to go back and get a chance to fix things, they all went unheard.

Laura left to go back to the place they both wished still existed just as it had; a place they were wanted alive, not dead. It wasn't fair that it was the very same place they would be hunted down if they did return, like the rabid animals the Argent's presumed they were.

Leaving the way they did meant they hadn't gotten the chance to see if anything was left at the house. They couldn't even mark graves, grieve properly. 

That same place also happened to be the place they'd been born, the place they'd grown up and called home.

Derek had never wanted Laura to face all of that alone.

The burnt down house. The nothing where there was once everything.

The thought still haunts him. One of so many. 

Beacon Hills is home—but it's the home Derek had helped raze to the ground with his selfishness and stupidity. Everything he and Laura had ever known, everyone they'd ever loved, it was all gone, now. Derek had taken those things away from his sister and hadn't even had the guts to tell her. Tell Laura they were all gone because of him. Tell her that everything that had happened to their family, to them, was all his fault.

In the aftermath of the fire Laura hugged Derek, and had kept hugging him, over and over in those weeks and months and years that followed. She would pull him into her arms hold him tight, whenever she could sense it was all getting to be too much for him again.

Alpha.

Big sister.

But Laura only knew about some of the reasons why it sometimes felt like too much effort for Derek to keep on breathing.

He never told her about Kate.

And Derek, the fucking coward, he'd allowed Laura to hold him, feeling the flames of shame on his cheeks every time, hot as those that took the lives of his parents. His family. His pack. 

Now, he remembers that last time. 

“I'm going out.” 

Laura stood up, walked around the two mismatched armchairs, and stopped him by throwing both her arms around his neck, pulling him into her and hugging him. Scenting him. 

It always took him a moment to respond these days, but Derek hugged her back. 

“What's this for?”

“You. Because I know whomever's bed you end up in tonight, you won't be asking for one of these.”

Oh, fuck no.

Derek couldn't handle that. Did she think he was out sleeping with people? He couldn't, not after…

He gently pushed his sister off him; a stark contrast to his harsh words that followed. 

“Don't fucking coddle me. And fuck you, Laura—I don't sleep in anybody's bed but my own.” Derek had so many shameful memories, and crawling into his sister's bed every night for the first year after the fire was one of them. “Just—leave me the fuck alone.”

Laura was the one—the only—person Derek had left in the entire world, yet his shame and guilt were constantly pushing her away. 

“You're not clinging to me anymore, nightmare to nightmare, but you're rarely in your own bed most mornings, little brother. Where do you go to every night?”

She hadn't meant it as a dig. Derek knew that. She was his sister, and she loved him.

Maybe she thought he was making progress? Seeing people. Moving on.

Derek spent his nights waiting outside of dive bars and hanging around in back alleys and dark places, desperate to find scumbags to taunt who were big enough and hard enough to at least attempt to kick the living shit out of him.

Derek hated being a werewolf, now. He wanted to get hurt and stay hurt.

“Just—out.”

Derek turned his back on Laura, leaving her to stand there and watch him walk away as he left her to go out looking for a fight, without looking back. 

That was the last time somebody put their arms around Derek—and the last time he saw his sister alive.

It was two years ago. Derek doesn’t think he has taken a full breath, since. 

Now here he is—standing in his stupid big loft that he bought for his betas who just turned out to be yet another pack he managed to destroy—having given away more than he should, skinny yet strong arms wrapping as far around his shoulders as they'll reach. 

Stiles.

“You don't have to hug back. But you can, if you want to. I won't tell,” the kid jokes. It's his way to connect. His connection to the world. A coping mechanism, Derek thinks.

He knows all about those.

“I…” he doesn't have the first fucking clue of how to handle this. Or how to admit he needs it—to himself, let alone somebody else. He doesn't know how to admit that he wants it. 

But this is Stiles. The one person in Derek's life who seems, for some unfathomable reason, to give a fuck about Derek. To care about him.

Slowly, very slowly, Derek lifts an arm and awkwardly rests a hand on Stiles's upper back. Feels the muscles jump slightly under the kid's layers of baggy clothes as he tentatively spreads his fingers and finds the back of Stiles's neck. 

Stiles's voice hitches just a touch as he says, “These can be on tap, you know. If you want them. Stilinski hugs are the best hugs, dude. Believe.”

And Derek finds he does believe. For the first time in forever, he believes there could be something good in his life again.

More confidently, now, he brings his other arm up to wrap around Stiles's waist and hugs Stiles tighter, properly. Allows himself to be hugged back.

Derek wonders how he has gone so long without this kind of closeness. Lived without this kindness.

He decides to let the 'dude' pass. Maybe—maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all, to be somebody's dude? 

Stiles's dude.

It's a fucking ridiculous moniker and yet Derek suddenly couldn't care less. 

“I think I'd like that,” he whispers into the forbidden place where Stiles's jaw meets long, pale neck. "Dude."

He can feel Stiles's smile as the kid squeezes him harder. And ironically, Derek feels as though he can breathe again. 

.

for @greyhavenisback bc i want to hug you in person and can't <3

[anonmousegosqueak]

Okay so consider this a callout post to all y'all because. What. The. ACTUAL. Fuck.

Why is it only the pasty British white guys that get all the simps, yeah?

Okay y'all already know I love Gaz. He might be British, but I would do unspeakable things for/to him. Not only is he pretty, he's got an amazing character? Like I would even argue he's more complex and fleshed out in the games than Ghost (not counting the comic)? You play as him more often, you literally get to experience his backstory, you see his goods and his bads.

But okay- not everyone wants a complex character. That's fair! I get it, sometimes you just want a pretty face. You want an unrealistic man you can dress up and have a romance with.

WELL SOMETHING THAT I THINK EVERYONE SEEMS TO FORGET:

Alejandro Vargas CANONICALLY WEARS A SUIT.

He is an older man, he has a strong moral compass and fights for what's right, but he also isn't afraid to get a little messy. He can be angry or sweet. And he's fucking handsome.

Joke about his forehead, I know I do, but still.

I feel like we spend too much time on Ghost and other pasty white boys. Why can't we focus on the dark skinned black man? Why can't we focus on the complex Mexican men (don't even get me started on Rudy, I have thoughts)? Fuck- why don't we say anything about the hot woman??

Farrah: fighting since she was a literal child. Has had a worse life than Ghost. Her own brother turned away and she still kept fighting. She's kind to her people but cutthroat to her enemies, she even has a cute boyfriend if you wanna do wholesome ship stuff!

Valeria: SHES A FUCKING POWERFUL CARTEL LEADER OH MY GODDD THERES SO MUCH THERE WHY ARE YOU IGNORING HER??

Also- both these women are literally so pretty! Do I like that? No, not really, personally I kinda hate it because why can the men be ugly but all the women have to be a 10 (when they're literally on the battlefield) but whatever. Big game companies are gonna do what they're gonna do. Instead of getting into that rant, I'm just gonna say that we've got canonical pretty faces and we focus on the masked loser.

I don't know. I can't really speak about racism, I'm a white person after all, but even I get a bit of a bad feeling that all the poc get pushed to the side for a few white men.

I'm not saying you have to feel bad for liking who you like, I'm just saying... Try something new? You can still love Ghost, but read an Alejandro fic. Explore some Gaz content. Give some of the others a try. At the end of the day, there will always be more Ghost content. Why not check something else out? You might be surprised with what you find :)

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

Hello, Jojo! I want to ask your input for my writing. I'm writing a TR local fanfic but I still can't quite grasp Baji's personality. At first I thought of him as a wild, unpredictable, and chaotic type of person. Many TR fanfic writers in my country also capture him as a well-meaning yet reckless person who does the most random things at times. I personally have only finished reading the main manga and haven't read the spin off. But seeing pages from bonus story and spin off makes me rethink my initial impression of him, though I still can't explain his personality. He came off as more impulsive than mikey but his child self actually shows more restraint...? Like when he was the one who apologized to Kazutora's father after Mikey kicked him (from some pages I've seen). May I ask for your take on Baji's personality? Thank you in advance 🫶🏻

Ngl I'm not always the best at describing things like this but we'll see how this goes and if it'll make sense. First of all I'd say well meaning but reckless is a really good way to describe Baji, for example he goes along with Kazutora to steal the bike for Mikey, he defends Mikey's street hawke putting himself at risk just because it means a lot to Mikey, he originally plans to fight Kensho alone in the spinoff and he literally stabs himself to take the blame away from Kazutora. All of these moments are him trying to do what's right for his friends, he's very well meaning here but they're also all very reckless, Baji will not hesitate to put himself in danger or even sacrifice himself for his friends. He is definitely a well meaning but reckless guy.

I think all of those moments perfectly show how selfless he is too. Sure he has moments when he wants to be the one to fight a bunch of guys (while he was shopping with Mikey and Draken) but when it comes down to the serious stuff, Baji is always putting others before him. I think another great example of this is how he tries very hard in school to not upset his mother again. He cares very deeply for her and for his friends so he's always putting them first, above his own wants or needs. He even refuses to fight some guys because she told him to not fight in school, which results in him getting hurt because he was trying to not upset her.

He's also a very observant character, something which seems to get a bit ignored or overlooked. We've seen him notice a few times when other character's are upset and give reassurance when others are feeling unsure about something. He seems to pick up on even the smallest changes in behaviour. We've seen this multiple times in the spinoff with both Chifuyu and Ryusei, as well as Kazutora in the main series. Along with this I'd describe him as being caring, he feeds cats, wants to be a vet and help animals, tried to help Emma with her martial arts, visited chuu in the hospital and has been shown to comfort his friends when they need it. Although this side may not come out as often as the others it's definitely there.

One of the main things the spinoff showed us about Baji is how responsible he is too, we got to see him act as a division leader. And although he can be a bit harsh on his members at times he is genuinely a very fair and good leader. He takes responsibility for his division members and puts a lot of effort into holding and attending meetings for his division. And we can also see from how the other first division members treat and respect him just how good of a leader he is. He's also shown to be very responsible in regards to his friends too. He apologises on behalf of Mikey to Kazutora's father, he makes sure Ryusei and Chifuyu doesn't fight in a hospital and takes responsibility for two big things that Ryusei does (these are major major spinoff spoilers though).

And finally we can't forget how chaotic he is, sure he's all these other things but he's also the guy that punches people because he's stressed over exams or tired, uses violence over persuasion and lights fires for fun. Baji is a lot of things but this is definitely one of them too.

[orangetintedglasses]

Wolfwood doubts that Vash bothers celebrating Christmas, and he can't blame him. He doesn't really either, he just does the gift-giving part. Usually the people celebrating the holiday worship the two Angels, and while Wolfwood will gladly get on his knees for Vash, he'd rather not think of him as some holy deity, thanks. Angelic, yes. An actual angel? Well, he'd expressed discomfort with the idea in the past, so an angel Vash is not. Finding a gift for someone who doesn't ask for anything other than a box of donuts from time to time is harder than it seems. How's he supposed to pick out a gift that fits perfectly between the 'casual' and 'you may as well propose to the guy' categories? He hasn't even had the courage to tell Vash how he feels about him yet either, so maybe this would be a good opportunity to. Maybe. Hopefully. It'd also be a good time to give Vash a different kind of present, but that's neither here nor there. Trinkets of any decent quality are rare finds on Noman's. Rarer still are the ones without any kind of religious inspiration. Eventually Wolfwood finds an eclectic collector's shop with myriad baubles. Immediately, what catches his eye is a whiskey flask with the words "Holy Water" printed on it, so he of course needs to pick that up as a little gift to himself. It'll probably ignite one of Vash's contagious laughs—a brilliant light in an endless dark void. What in the world is worthy of being given to Vash the Stampede? He grumbles over this for some time before the owner of the shop takes pity on him and approaches, concerned. Immediately, she picks him out as a 'boyfriend getting his partner something for their first Christmas' type. As embarrassing as it is, Wolfwood relents, which leads to the present moment, when Vash convenes with him at their hotel room: "I know you… probably don't care about Christmas—I don't really either—but I wanted to get you something," he begins, nervous as all getup. Wolfwood pulls a gift bag from behind his back, then offers it to the blond. "I like to do stuff for the kids, you know? But this time I had to give a gift to you as well. You're pretty hard to shop for, has anyone ever told you that? Jeez…" Inside the sparkly red bag is an instant-print camera and a brand-new journal—oversized, presumably, to fit photos into. "I know you got a photographic memory, but… thought it might be nice to, uh, keep some, I guess. You know, in case you go forgetting stuff again. And also for the sake of those of us who don't have the ability to remember what they had for dinner 75 years ago. Might be nice, is all." He turns away to avoid watching Vash's gaze, but remembers that he's absolutely guilty of wanting to see the way those blue, glassy eyes glimmer with excitement, so he braves the fear and meets them head-on, determined. "I… have another gift for you but I still… need to wrap it. Go get us some hooch or something and come back in an hour." @forgivenpunishment

Well now! Didn't that put his little gift idea to shame?

In a funny way, of course-- Vash didn't actually think of it like that. It was just kind of a funny coincidence that Wolfwood had also gone out to find him something for the whole holiday thing, and apparently had a difficult time of it. Which was fair; he'd been told quite a few times that he was hard to get gifts for in the past. Partly because he didn't really ask for or openly want anything, and party because he was happy with anything people were willing to give him, which apparently just made that even more difficult? But even just thinking about him was more than enough--

This, though, this gift was... not only very sweet, but extremely thoughtful. Both of which had seemingly caught the Plant a bit off-guard as he looked into the bag.

"This is..." even just those two words, ushered out with the tail end of an exhale and barely audible, sounded completely awed by what Wolfwood had found. Vash lifted his gaze from the contents of the bag; summer sky blues positively sparkling with adoration as they caught the light at that angle.

Then Wolfwood mentioned having another gift, and that sent dark brows shooting straight up.

"Something else...? Y-you didn't have to-- I mean, this is more than-- I--" the poor thing blustered, flushed and a bit all over the place (and a little confused: he needed another hour to wrap something else when this had been put in a bag?) now that the situation called for his brain to be put to use. Eventually he caught himself, and just... nodded. Smiled and nodded. Beamed and nodded, really-- "y-yeah, okay. An hour. You got it~."

He did still have to set the gift down for safekeeping (no way was he risking bringing this outside yet!) and grab the rest of his cash before he set off as requested... buuut not before stealing a quick kiss from the undertaker; catching his upper lip in something sweet and warm and, again, quick--

"Thank you. Seriously, this is... really amazing, Wolfwood." he said. Decent as he usually was at withholding his lovesick glances until Wolfwood's back was sufficiently turned, the blond just couldn't help himself this time. His moony gaze drifted slowly from his boyfriend's light blue eyes down to his mouth, then back up again before he finally pulled away to get himself sorted and headed out the door.

The Plant was reluctant to part, but Wolfwood had specifically asked, after all.

"Be back later, yeah?"

[markantonys]

3x01 thoughts!!!!! book spoilers abound. there's also probably a ton of stuff i'll forget to comment on since i didn't stop to note anything during the episode so as not to miss even a moment of it!

i will also note that i heard some new music mixed in with previous seasons' tracks during the 15 minutes at the beginning before the event started! i can't wait for the full soundtrack!! and all of the shredding music was insanely good, i really hope there will be a nice long track on the OST that includes all of it (the piece during the battle inside the tower reminds me a lot of the rings theme from ROP, which is neat. maybe a new theme for the black ajah?)

moiraine saving siuan during the battle! i got so emotional! in the extended s3 preview after the episode, it did show siuan speaking with moiraine in the fish hut about rand needing to kneel to the tower, so i'll be intrigued to see how that conversation might come about (if it's even in the real world?) after moiraine's left tar valon without mending fences with siuan.

our first avirand interaction! 10/10 no notes! i love the bickering vibe they have to start off and am excited to watch their relationship grow over the course of the season. this episode also does a good job of explaining why they get off on the wrong foot: rand is annoyed that avi is putting her expectations onto him and being demanding of what she wants from him as the potential car'a'carn, and avi is annoyed that rand isn't living up to her expectations and doesn't have any investment in the aiel people the way the car'a'carn should.

glad to see egwene getting a chance to talk to elayne and nynaeve about her trauma and the struggles she's having in her relationship with rand. the show is committed to maintaining the weight of what happened to her in s2 and exploring how it affects her long-term! elayne going from a confidante for egwene about her relationship with rand to later rand's partner herself with egwene's blessing - i'll be super intrigued to see how they handle that shift in a future season, because it's a delicate emotional situation. i'm guessing that whatever closure randgwene gets this season will be solid enough that it will feel believable for egwene to sign off on her friends elayne & avi dating him in potentially s4.

and then later we see egwene and nynaeve teasing elayne about avi, which was so adorable <3 i always loved the book scenes of the wondergirls gossiping about their love lives together, and i'm thrilled that this episode paid homage to it!

speaking of, we ALSO got a scene of the wonderboys gossiping about their love lives together, which i don't think the books ever really did thanks to RJ's seeming conviction that guy friends don't confide in each other about personal things the way girl friends do. but the show has delivered! equality is restored!!! overall a very fun and wholesome scene between the boys here. (though we do find out by implication that rand has not told anybody the truth about having slept with a disguised lanfear, setting the stage for that to be an earthshattering discovery for egwene later. i do hope they can frame the randgwene breakup in a way that doesn't feel like lanfear/randfear is the main catalyst, but rather in a way that feels like they would have inevitably broken up regardless of that because they just aren't right for each other.)

"you don't give yourself enough credit" "no YOU don't give yourself enough credit" the boys continue to be the most wholesome besties!!

i'll admit to being sad that we didn't really get any dedicated cauthor interactions, just a couple of quick little moments slid into group scenes, but they've had so much one-on-one time in the first two seasons that i can acknowledge, objectively, it's fair to give the one-on-one time to other duos among the group in this episode haha but i'll cross my fingers for them to reunite for s4!

the moiraine-lanfear shaky temporary alliance is very intriguing! lanfear calling ishy "a gentle soul" djkfjg it's a good way to set the stage for the other forsaken and explain how they pose a different threat than what we've seen from ishy and lanfear, due to just wanting rand dead and not caring about getting him to join their side.

we also see mat uncontrollably speaking the old tongue. i cracked up the first time he did it and the gang was just like ".........." and he went "um carry on" hjdkfhkgh and then i LOVED his and nynaeve's one-on-one moment later, it was incredibly sweet and a lovely fleshing-out of a friendship duo we haven't really seen yet (on that note, pour one out for mat and egwene STILL not really getting to have an interaction, i don't think!). anyway, it's wonderful to see nynaeve slipping back into her wisdom role as caretaker of the group (and we can see that this gives her some confidence back after she's been feeling like such a failure channeling-wise), and i like that we hear about the traumatic side of mat's new hero memories with images of battles and pain and death haunting him 24/7. him admitting that he's struggling with this (and only after nynaeve pushes hard for him to admit it) after we've seen him living it up and putting smiles on all episode is such a good illustration of book!mat's whole "he'll holler about a papercut but treat a broken leg like it's nothing at all" attitude. he really sees his duty as being the light of the group and doesn't want to burden his struggling friends by confiding his own struggles in them. baby!

egwene accepted test speedrun! i was glad they made it brief but impactful, since we've already seen one in-depth test with nynaeve, no need to do it again. but her heading out of the city with rand & co at the end of the episode is the final nail in the coffin of my hopes for a gawene meeting this season :( i'll be interested to see how they get them to cross paths later, because from my perspective it seems like a tough thing to manage, logistically speaking! but you never know how they might shift things around.

in the books, gawyn's motive for defecting from elaida's army is that he hears egwene is her captive and he wants to help her. he needs to be sufficiently emotionally connected to her in order for that to happen - just a friend or a mild crush would be 100% fine, they don't need to have any real romance yet, so as long as s4(?) has them cross paths long enough to establish a good enough connection that we believe gawyn would desert his own men for egwene, we're all good. they could also change his motive, of course, but that might make me sad. unless it's a really good alternate motive! or, ooooooh, what if gawyn is still with elaida and is inside the tower during egwene's captivity arc, and he defects by helping her escape or something? that could be VERY tasty, and would delay his moment of switching sides longer to give them more time together beforehand and therefore accommodate their first meeting being pushed til later than it was in the books. i will count on gawene to be the slowburn romance i crave but have been denied elsewhere (more on that in a bit)

also, alviarin!! as we suspected. i noticed her when the cold open first dropped and i recognized her from the accepted test trailer shot, and i was like "this is the most beautiful woman i've ever seen in my life so if this really is alviarin then the shadow can take me" haha i'm excited to see more of her this season! the show continuing to bat 100 on making everybody hot! (also, we didn't get any confirmation this episode on whether tsutama and galina survived the battle, so hopefully that will come soon. galina had to have, surely, so hopefully tsutama did too!)

our first (and only this season, alas, but i expected that) randlayne scene! loved it so much! we get them bonding over duty and elayne teaching him about politics (hooooopefully a tee-up for a bigger arc of her teaching him wetlander politics in s4?), and an arm-touch and a smile. with both randlayne and avirand, they did a good job establishing a Vibe that's easy to imagine shifting into romance, but for now is subtle enough that viewers won't immediately take it as flirty and be indignant on egwene's behalf (not to mention it wouldn't fit rand's current headspace to be having flirty vibes with new people).

but who does have an overtly flirty vibe is avilayne! this was by far the most unexpected part of the episode for me. never in a million years would i have guessed they'd hook up already in 3x01. i'll be honest, and this is probably an unpopular opinion, but............i don't like it! i'm disappointed! i wanted a slowburn, i wanted to have to wait for it and build anticipation and cheer when it finally happened! i feel that i've been shortchanged out of getting to watch their relationship blossom and develop organically; instead, they've never met by the end of s2 and then by the start of s3 they're suddenly hooking up, and the only buildup we get is a couple flirty conversations and other characters telling us that they have vibes with each other. the focus on Immediate Flirting felt like the show going "hey we really want you to know immediately that both these characters are sapphic and that avirandlayne will be a throuple instead of a V in this version, so here, they're going to hook up right off the bat just so that you know right away they aren't straight" and i get shows wanting to establish characters' queerness as soon as possible since they'll be assumed straight otherwise, but the hookup didn't feel earned in my opinion (and even all the flirting was a bit too heavy too soon for my taste, oh how i love my slowburns). elayne said "finally" and i was like "what do you mean finally, i've only been watching you guys interact for 5 minutes?" it felt like i was only seeing that they're into each other, but not WHY they're into each other because, at least according to what i can still remember from the episode, so much of their pre-hookup conversation time was dedicated to flirty quips rather than meaningful conversation. for readers, them hooking up makes sense because we know how deep their book relationship is and that they're involved in a polycule together, but for show-onlys who don't have that context i feel like it would feel like a very random pair-the-spares that just kinda got dropped on them out of the blue. though i'll definitely have to rewatch to listen to those conversations more closely and see if there was more emotional depth there than i'm remembering, because i was so startled by the hookup that a lot of the episode's prior content flew out of my memory! i did like their conversation about rand and duty (and likewise elayne's conversation with rand about avi and duty), because there we do see that elayne understands avi and is able to reach her emotionally.

with siuaraine we had a wlw romance that was pre-established, and i was really looking forward to getting to watch a slowburn gradual development arc for a wlw romance with avilayne, but instead they moved faster and more offscreen than even any of the book romances ever did :( still, they DID frame it as a fairly casual thing, more flirtation and hookup than serious feelings, so i'll have to hope that they get some more depth added whenever they next see each other and that we'll get to watch their relationship grow and evolve and have an actual arc. me, i never like it when a romance is too easy in fiction! i don't want to see any of my favorite ships just fit together perfectly immediately and get together right away with no problems and be perfectly happy forever thereafter! hopefully, the addition of rand into the relationship will present a nice new emotional spin on the established avilayne dynamic so that we can watch their relationship with each other shift and grow. (and i JUST KNOW that avilayne already being a thing pre-rand will 100000x worsen the "why is a man ruining my f/f ship!!!!" reactions from certain segments of queer WOT fandom when he does start joining lmao and i'm sure plenty of show-onlys who don't already know about the polycule will be like "wait but i thought they were lesbians??" when they start having vibes with rand because audiences often tend to forget that bisexuality exists and assume that a character's sexuality is 100% determined by the gender of their first onscreen partner.)

so, yeah! i don't like this change, and i don't think i'll ever like it as much as i would have liked a proper avilayne slowburn no matter what else the show does with it in future seasons, but hey, getting explicit confirmation that romantic avilayne is in the cards is of course a great thing, so in that respect i am happy! i think i am just Like This about wanting to really be made to wait for it with romances, because i remember watching s1 as a show-only and being shocked that lanaeve hooked up when they did because it felt way too early to me.

on the other end of the spectrum of avilayne being thrown together too fast, we also have randgwene getting dragged out too long. i like their scenes in this episode and i'm sure it will be a very well-written emotional arc, and they DO need closure what with the way the show set up their relationship in the first two seasons, but again, just not my favorite adaptational change. i think i would've liked it more if we saw them break up in this episode and then navigate the emotional waters of Exes On A Roadtrip in the rest of the season as opposed to them probably spending most of the season both clinging onto an obviously dead relationship in a way that kinda feels like a waste of time and makes it so that there's even less breathing room in between their breakup with each other and their getting-togethers with their future partners, but of course we've only seen one episode so i'll have to wait and see how it all unfolds! if they break up in ep5 (which is when "egwene learns rand's dark secret," and maddy mentioned having a really good and cathartic scene with josha under the block 3 director), then that would leave a few episodes post-breakup to let the dust settle and watch them begin to build a new equilibrium with each other, and then i'd guess there might be a month+ timeskip between s3 and s4 to give them time to travel back out of the waste.

okay that's enough criticisms considering that i truly did LOVE this episode haha it's only that The Romances are my most-highly-anticipated thing so i get extra-sensitive to things not playing out Exactly The Way I Envisioned. but in the past the show has always delivered something even better than what i'd envisioned in the times when it went in a direction i didn't expect, so i will wait and see and trust in rafe & co!

moving on! i want to quickly revisit elayne trying to smooth things over with avi and rand, which i mentioned briefly above in the avilayne discussion. i loved these moments so much!!! elayne taking her duties as Chief Communicator Of The Future Polycule very seriously haha i'm so delighted that we did get a little connection formed between the three of them in this episode, but in an appropriately subtle way for the very very early stage we're in here. they definitely did a good job of establishing foundations to revisit later next time these three are together, even if i wish avilayne's foundation wasn't established QUITE this firmly this soon lmao although, now we're opening the door for "how to establish a polycule when two partners have already hooked up?" (or rather, have already hooked up AND parted on good terms that make it clear a repeat would be welcome, as opposed to book!rand having pre-polycule hookups but then parting on bad terms and thinking there's no future), and that could be quite an interesting new emotional spin on the polycule to look at. from avi's bafflement at the idea of Lying With No One Else in s2, it seems open relationships might be the norm for aiel, but how would elayne react to reuniting with avi & rand and learning that avi is growing interested in rand? would she feel any jealousy at first, or would she be all aboard right away? maybe we could get elayne trying to wingman avi with rand while also developing a crush on him herself, that would be adorable and hilarious.

and there's also the min of it all - if elayne joins up with avi & rand for s4 (which...........i feel like she HAS to, it's the only window of opportunity for making those relationships happen, and rand will definitely be in need of a wetlands politics teacher since moiraine will be gone without having taught him much about it yet), will min come with her? will she join the polycule in s4 as well? it's very interesting that, again, another episode with min and rand in the same city but they did not cross paths, so now we know they won't see each other all season. given that, would it feel too rushed for him to be romancing her as well as avi and elayne in s4? they DID already have a meaningful one-on-one scene in s1, so now on equal grounds with randlayne there, but that will have been aaaaages ago (for both the characters and the audience) by the time s4 rolls around, so i don't know if it would be able to lead into s4 romance the way randlayne's more recent meaningful one-on-one scene might (plus, it's established that randlayne spent a month together and consider each other friends now, whereas min only met rand for an evening).

(given that it's now twice that the show has had rand and min in the same location and chosen not to have them interact (granted, there wasn't much space for min in this episode since it was already jam-packed), i'm continuing to lean towards my theory that they'll focus on avirandlayne for now and min will be an optional addon to the polycule if they have enough time. though her scenes with elayne this season might change that prediction if they feel like they're setting up for her to join the polycule sooner rather than later!)

maiden's kiss, 10/10 spectacular and hot and we finally got official confirmation of what the game entails, god bless. mat wants to get pegged by bain and chiad confirmed, and then "the spears get closer if you're a bad kisser" followed by mat having a dozen cuts on his neck when we next see him is a great continuation of the Nobody Wants Mat Carnally saga jdkfjgh but then chiad winks at him as she's leaving at the end of the episode which cracked me up. they just like messing with him, and he likes being messed with. good for all of them!

(also mat's toast being like "may we all get hot redheaded girlfriends" put him in the polycule so help me god!)

and we got our confirmation that the new shadowspawn type is indeed gray men! and Show Lore drop that moggy is the only forsaken who knows how to make them (and we see her doing just that), which is super interesting. it was really cool how they filmed it too and how they managed to convey the concept of an assassin that people's eyes just slide off, with the way he's just kind of glimpsed in the background of shots until the moment he attacks, and then nynaeve and the audience are very much aware of his presence but mat is still totally oblivious (though that may have also been due to lanfear entrancing him with the cards).

moiraine listening to everybody screaming in pain and refusing to help and ordering lan not to help was diabolical in the best way! the layers this woman has! and then we get the reveal that the gray man was NOT part of lanfear's scheme and therefore things got even more out of hand than she, moiraine, or lan had anticipated. also a great moment for showing lan's conflicting loyalties between moiraine and nynaeve, and him actually being angry with moiraine for her decision was a great and needed aspect of the scene.

also, confirmation that all the happenings were caused by lanfear (and moggy), so we get the bubbles of evil events without the show needing to introduce a new type of magic fuckery by using the concept of bubbles of evil as the cause for the events. a great decision!

and they did good setup with everybody's motives for wanting to go to their different locations, despite their initial plan of wanting to stay together. i wish so badly that we could have had more time with the gang all together and get to have even more one-on-one scenes for the duos who didn't get them, but i always figured they'd probably be heading out on their missions for the season at the end of ep1 instead of lollygagging around the city for a second episode. we gotta get the ball rolling!

okay! that's all the thoughts off the top of my head, but there was so much to unpack in this episode and i don't know if i even got to half of it! i'm looking forward to rewatching this episode again in the future when i can absorb it better and also pause and make notes haha i think i won't rewatch any individual episode until after the whole season is out, though, and then i'll rewatch the whole season at once (maybe not immediately after it's over, i might give it a few weeks), at which time my thoughts on ep1 might be significantly different having seen the full season.

[reveluving]

the bump in the night ; rick flag x reader

summary: someone made Mrs Flag cry, and her family is not having it.

warnings: tooth-rotting fluff, shadow-magic f!reader, reverse comfort & humour!

a/n: this AU is based on this piece I made a while back, 'cause you already know I can't do this special without hubby Rick and the kids! hope you enjoy it & don’t forget to leave some sugar! ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ

» wanna know what I have in store this fall? come & check out my m.list for 'reve's quirky reverie 🕷️'!

'For now, they had a plan, hoping it could bring a smile to your face.' ;

Coming home to his daughter's hugs had become an everyday thing if Rick didn't have to work overtime, but if the flicker of sadness in her eyes was anything to go by, something had to have happened while he was away.

“Mrs Bedford was saying bad stuff to mama while we were at the park.” 

It was the same thing she told her brothers when they got home from school, and just like them, it was enough for Rick to get the whole picture.

Ah, Mrs Bedford. Or as the neighbourhood youngsters, children and teenagers alike, like to call her 'the modern witch of the road', and not in the cool way. Her husband was no better, always bugging you at any given opportunity. The worst part was Mrs Bedford always antagonized you for it, even if she knew you didn’t entertain her husband’s behaviour. It was also extremely hypocritical of her, considering she herself has tried to make her move on Rick. A lot. Only to be met with disappointment each time. 

Her children were just as bad, too, to put it lightly.

“What did she say?” It was the green light Irene needed before she explained what had happened to a T, courtesy of her father’s eagle eye. Unlike most days, it was just you and Irene visiting the park since your sons had football practice. 

The two of you were feeding the ducks when Mrs Bedford came up to you.

“You on your own?” Was the first thing she asked you before you questionably said ‘yes’, despite Irene being there too, and the little girl realized Mrs Bedford wouldn’t have gone off on a tangent about you and your ‘possibly tainted history’ if her father or brothers were around in the first place.

“I don’t know what you did but I can see it in your eyes, Flag. You’re no saint. You can fool the others with your little flower shop and your so-called angelic kids, but not me.”

Though Mrs Bedford knew nothing about your powers or your time in Belle Reve, instead, spewing hate out of jealousy and hatred for you for being the favourable neighbour, she wasn’t completely wrong. You have hurt people, you’ve even killed some, but they were for the greater good. Since your freedom from hell on earth, you’ve barely used your umbrakineses. It wasn’t until the birth of your children, to which all three of them gained your abilities did you realized you couldn’t run from who you really were—it wasn’t right nor fair to them.

Then, telling them your story as a criminal and how their dad was once your enemy was another thing. You weren’t sure what reaction you were expecting, but it was certainly not amazement and sparkles in their eyes. As they grew older, they began to make sense of how their parents somehow knew people like Aunt Harley, Uncle Robert and hell, even Nanaue.

And at that point in time, Mrs Bedford reminded you of Waller, turning you into submission as you could do nothing but listen to her make a mockery out of you for turning over a new leaf. Irene had to watch your face drop as the woman insulted you, and she knew she had to tell her family about it. 

Irene insisted that she was fine about heading home early, even if you tried to convince her otherwise. She wanted nothing more than to do something about that glazed look in your eyes.

As soon as you stepped foot into the living room, a tear rolled down your cheek. You couldn't help but apologize to her, to everyone if they were with you then. You weren’t entirely sure if it was because you seemed weak over a bunch of words or their fate of ending up with you as the wife and a mother of their family.

Irene shook her head, hugging you with her face in your tummy.

"You're not a mean person, mama. You're the nicest and coolest mama we could ever ask for, and we love you." 

It was simple, something you've heard of thousands of times in your lifetime, but you very much needed it today.

Ever the sweet girl, she accompanied you as you lay in your bed, telling you random stories about what she painted during art class or what she ate at lunch, anything but the time Mrs Bedford’s son, Kyle pushed her off the swing while his older brother, Blake laughed and praised him for doing so. You didn’t need to know that. 

Not yet.

You listened with a warm smile, embarrassed but nonetheless thankful for how observant she was of your feelings before eventually dozing off. 

Irene was careful yet quick to jump off the bed, running downstairs to shush Richie and Ethan as they returned home. 

The more she explained, the brighter their eyes unnaturally glowed. Richie was starting to look like their father as he crossed his arms, listening to her like a police officer, while Ethan seemed like he was already thinking of ways to counter the Bedford’s undignified acts.

Basically, the Bedfords were not the greatest people. Each and every one of them. 

Though they had a myriad of ideas, they weren’t sure how much their father would appreciate it, even if it was for your sake. Still, they thanked Irene for being there for you, promising that something would be done, no matter what it would be.

For now, they had a plan, hoping it could bring a smile to your face.

After an unexpected nap, you came down to find your kids huddled on the couch, whispering and hushing each other. Curious, you approached them.

Ethan was the first to notice you, offering you a grin before showing you what was in their hands, “Look, ma, I think we got it.” 

You leaned in to take a closer look, only for your breath to hitch at the sight of life on their palms. There, they showed you the differing mass of shadows they conjured, a tougher one you just taught them about a week ago. You have always loved this trick as a kid, and it only aided your sanity when you were by your lonesome in the penitentiary. In a way, you were replacing what life truly was by making your own, even if they were temporary because there was no telling when or if you’d ever be free. 

Yet, here they were, prompting joy and pride as they held the wispy animals of their choice; Richie with what seemed to be an adorable little puppy, Ethan creatively emulated a bioluminescent jellyfish and Irene…

Oh, Irene.

She scarcely remembered how much you loved making her laugh by conjuring butterflies when she was still very little if not for the twins confirming it. 

The butterfly was as small as her hand, but the wings were majestic, idly flapping before flying over to you, leaving cloudy black trails and landing on your outstretched finger. 

You stared at their creations ever so lovingly, already on the brink of tears. You were just as mad at yourself for doubting your worth, and your potential, just because of the things you had to do in the past, for the sake of the person you were now.

You embraced Irene in a tight hug before pulling your boys in as well. You sniffled, absolutely joyous and blessed to be surrounded by the most loving people. Nothing could deter you from this, not even as the shadow puppy yipped and chased the jellyfish and butterfly in excitement. Your cat, Tofu, must’ve heard the commotion, too, as she came from the kitchen to check, only to be frightened and jump on the couch with you as the puppy came running to her.

Rick finally arrived about two hours later, coming home to hear laughter before he saw Irene running across the room, followed by Tofu and the shadow puppy in tow. The jellyfish laid on Richie’s head like a nest whereas the butterfly decided to make Ethan’s shoulder its home as they hung out with you on the couch.

“Daddy!” Irene greeted him before running over to him. He didn’t question the questioning look she gave him just yet and instead, hoisted her up, laughing as Tofu and the puppy pawed at his bootlaces.

“What’s going on here?” He raised his brows, amused by what could be described as a fever dream of a sight.

“The kids learnt how to make little lives.” You giggled, allowing Rick to sit next to you as you scooted over.

“And I got a new hat,” Richie gestured to the jellyfish, who he has now dubbed as Jelly. As if it understood, Jelly immediately floated away, leaving Richie’s hair flattened, “Never mind.”

You shared a laugh as he deadpanned before you turned to Rick, “Was work okay?”

“Yeah, the usual. Decorated the place today, actually.” He took his phone out of his pocket, opening his gallery and showing you and the kids the spookily tacky decor that furnished his workplace.

“Did you really paint ‘dead inside, don’t open’ on the entrance door?” The twins gawked.

“Fitting, ain't it?” Rick joked, prompting smiles and chuckles from you once more before falling back on the couch, “But at least I’m off tomorrow, so I was thinking we could eat out for dinner.”

“Oh! We should head to Pop’s since they’re also offering their apple betty.” Ethan suggested.

“Well, I think that’s a good idea, so,” Richie trailed off, raising anticipation from the rest of you before jumping off the couch and running up the stairs. Ethan and Irene simultaneously gasped before the former took his sister out of Rick’s arms to chase their brother together. You and Rick could only watch with delight as Tofu and the shadow creatures followed them too.

“Everything okay?” He wanted to know, but he wouldn’t pry if you weren’t ready to tell him.

“Yeah,” You nodded, gazing down for a moment before continuing, “Something happened earlier but…”

“Richie! You better not lock the door or I swear to God!” Ethan’s voice rang out from upstairs, followed by Irene’s ‘language!’, and you couldn’t help but shake your head in amusement. 

“It’s all good now.” You reassured him. You knew you could’ve told him, but it wasn’t worth dwelling on. You had children to nurture and a husband to take on the world with.

“The Bedfords?” He guessed. If it wasn’t them, then it had to be Mr Walker.

“The Bedfords,” You confirmed with a tight smile, “I’m just more upset that Irene was there to hear it.”

You didn’t explain any further and Rick took it as a sign to drop it. If they were able to make you this upset, then it was best to ask the kids instead. 

“I’m sorry,” He pulled you to his chest, planting a slow and gentle kiss on your forehead. He rubbed your back, sighing at the very mention of that family. Rick loathed that they were influential enough to be one of the higher-ups of the school’s PTA, though he was confident that money was involved in it too. He hated that they were reasons why you’d come home ranting about how Mrs Bedford bugged you again, or when he had to make sure Mr Bedford knew he was making a promise and not an empty threat whenever it involved their kids and his, "You know I can talk to them." 

It would do no good, but it was worth trying. 

"No, you know how the Bedfords are. Don’t worry, okay? Not now,” You kissed the inside of his palm before pressing your lips against his, soft, sensual and safe. Rick moved forward, deepening the kiss as held the nape of your neck. You pulled away but not before nuzzling his nose, “We should be celebrating.”

He nodded, though he knew it would only linger in his mind for a while. Still, he adhered to your wishes, standing up before offering you his hand to get ready, “Right, right. Shall we?”

You snorted, placing your hand in his the way a princess would when a prince asks for a dance. Unexpectedly, he twirled you around, wrapping his arms around you he pulled you in, chest to chest. You playfully smacked him, though it did very little to wipe off the pleased look on his face as the two of you headed to your room. 

You and the boys were the first to head out to the front yard, chatting and evaluating the decors of the houses while waiting for Rick and Irene. 

“What happened today?” He asked his daughter quietly as they stood at the front door, helping with her shoes while she slid on a jacket. 

“Mrs Bedford was saying bad stuff to mama while we were at the park.” She whispered back, swinging her arms as she watched her father tie her shoelace, “Like, really mean stuff. No one was around except us so she was kinda loud, too.”

Rick fumed, clenching his jaw as he could already hear and picture whatever nonsense she loved to spit out. 

“Mama got kinda quiet when we came home, and then she started crying. About how she’s sorry she was a criminal and how we’re ‘stuck’ with her powers.” She added. If anything, she and the boys thought your abilities were the coolest thing to have ever happened to them. 

He shook his head—who wouldn't crack after being subjected to their ways for so long? He hummed, hiding the seething resentment by ruffling Irene's hair.

"Can you help me distract your mother while I talk to the boys for a bit?" She nodded diligently, skipping over to you before Rick called out to his sons, "Need some help, boys." 

They rushed over, glancing at you before Ethan spoke up first, "She told you?" 

"Yeah." Rick replied as he locked the door.

"Can't we do something about it?" Richie asked with a frown.

"You boys are not punching Blake again." Rick reminded them with a small smile. 

"You didn't seem to mind it," Ethan mirrored his father's amusement, "He was yelling at our teammate and encouraged his troll brother to push Irene off a swing." 

"I'm mad, too," Rick was more than mad, but he couldn't let his emotions run wild, "Look, we'll think of something, alright? For now, just make sure she's happy." 

That's all they ever wanted.

The drive to Pop's was a lively one, and so was the dinner itself. Though you knew you'd be thinking about Mrs Bedford's words every once in a while, the smiles and laughter of your family were already a welcoming distraction as it is. 

Midnight rolled around, and everyone had returned to their rooms with sore cheeks and a full stomach. You were the first to slip under the covers after a shower, hoping you wouldn't be too tired as you waited for Rick, though it didn't work.

By the time Rick got out of the bathroom, you were peacefully asleep, your face just a breath away from your husband's pillow as his scent soothed you like no other. 

Rick smiled to himself, changing into his PJs before sitting on your side of the bed. The dip roused you from your slumber just a little.

"Rick?" You murmured, fluttering your lashes tiredly.

"Forgot to get some water," He caressed your cheek before bending down to kiss it, "I'll be back." 

You mustered a closed-eye smile and before you knew it, you drifted off once again, lulled by the way he patted your back.

Once the coast was clear, he moved off the bed, silently slipping out and closing the door before heading over to the twins' room. He knocked on the door, just enough for them to hear before doing the same with Irene's door and headed downstairs.

Rick sat down at the dining table with a glass of cold water, arms crossed and lost in his own thoughts before hearing light footsteps approaching.

Richie, Ethan and Irene carefully pulled their chairs back before taking a seat, and just like that, the discussion began.

But it didn't seem like they were getting anywhere and at some point, they just started shit-talking.

"Man, I wish coach would just kick Blake out." Ethan groaned, his head falling back. 

"Tell me about it. He's shit at quarterback." Richie clicked his tongue.

"Boys." Rick warned them, partially because his youngest was listening.

"Sorry." They apologized but Irene didn't seem to mind.

"How about…" She chimed in, tapping her finger on her chin, "We scare them?" 

"Like…?" Richie cocked his head, hoping she'd say more than just that.

"I don't know, I just thought it'd be cool since it's Halloween and stuff. And, well, maybe we could use our powers, but I know mama and daddy wouldn't want that." She shrugged, pouting because she hadn't thought it far enough.

"It would be a miracle to scare them without using our powers in the first place," Richie sighed, looking over to his father, "What do you think, dad?" 

No reply.

"Dad?" Ethan followed suit as the three of them raised their brows.

“How far are you in your shadow puppet practice?” Rick asked out of the blue, staring ahead as though imagining whatever idea he had played out. 

“Uh, pretty far, I think? Ma taught us how to merge our shadows into one if we wanted to make a bigger animal.” Richie answered, earning affirmative nods from his siblings. 

“How big?” 

“Like, this big!” Irene opened her arms wide to let him know just how big of a monster they would be able to make if they wanted to. They haven’t, there was no reason to, but the more their father asked, the more it piqued their interest.

Rick thought it through for a moment. It has been a while since he has seen you make that one particular lifeform, but it was worth a shot. If it were able to render Waller speechless, then it’ll definitely make the Bedfords piss their pants. 

No actual attacks, and definitely no killings. But he’ll make sure they shudder at the mere thought of Halloween. Put the fear of God in them. They had it coming, too, stomping on other neighbours’ happiness for years just for the fun of it. 

He just had to play it safe. 

He slowly broke into a sinister smile.

“You three ever heard of a hellhound?”

˚ · . f i n . · ˚

» a/n: ahh hubby rick &lt;3 ;; gorgeous rose divider by @firefly-graphics ♡

[elvestoneanzelote1]

Hello Good morning/evening/night! I just stumble across your blog and i love your work •v•

Just wondering have you ever though of platonic yandere bsd with Male child reader who have Makima or even Nayuta personality and ability of controling people because that would be interesting

A:n- ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ sᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ғᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇɢᴀʀᴅɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs I ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ'ᴛ.. Bᴜᴛ I ᴡɪʟʟ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴀssᴜᴍᴇ ɪᴛ ɪs ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴇ ɢᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ, sᴏʀʀʏ ɪғ ɪᴛ ɪsɴ'ᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟɪᴋɪɴɢ sɪɴᴄᴇ I ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴏғᴛᴇɴ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ᴍᴀʟᴇ ᴄʜɪʟᴅ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ.

Nᴏʀ ᴘʟᴀᴛᴏɴɪᴄ

Part 2 here

Part 3 here

Y/n- your name

Warning: protective, mention of mori.

Y/n is from the agency.

.

If one where to describe y/n, they would describe him as the most adorable child from the agency.

You were just 10-12 years old, with a charming innocent smile that melts every agency heart, heck even Kyouka heart as she view you as a younger brother.

Which lead to the question of the suspicion of your ability. The main reason why you are in the agency.

At first Dazai was curious of why a child in the agency maybe, someone brother? He assume but later on he caught up that your ability to control someone movements like a puppet is truly magnificent and dangerous.

He was reminded of Yumeno, the child at the mafia who can mind control others who have hurt him but yours were worse in a way as an unknown force seems to work for your part as it is known as force manipulation.

(I'm not that sure how Makima ability is since I didn't watch Chainsaw man and Some of her ability won't be mention as it is just going to brief one).

The more Dazai pry the more he realise the kid was not an angel but also a very demanding personality.

He realise that the flaw of you that every members on the agency sighed about leading Ranpo and you having childish tanthrums though Ranpo never won as you seems to cry out when he refuse to give you sweets.

"Can't you give me the choco-balls sweets?" You cried as Ranpo gaze away.

"No!"

"Wahhh! Ranpo-san is bad!!!" You cried and run away leaving a guilty Ranpo who later comes to you and handed you the sweets making you hug him happily.

"Ranpo-san is the best"

"Of course I'm! Don't ever forget that" he said proudly as you hug him while chuckling happily. Such a cute child you are.

The worst for Dazai was you love dogs, oh the audacity of you bringing a puppy into the agency hiddenly and it almost bite him!.

"Kunikida-kun! Who brought this monstrous thing!" Shouted Dazai escaping the puppy who seems to want to bite Dazai hand that was wrapped in bandage.

"Mo! Dazai-san" you pouted while holding your puppy who was waving its tail happily making Dazai pout.

"Not fair! You should like cats! Cats are the most adorable thing!"

"So? I like dogs they are cute!"

"So are cat!"

"They are loyal and tamable!"

"Ahhh! Take it away!" Scream Dazai while running away as you hold up your puppy tuning after him to pet it.

It was Fun to watch for Kunikida who first time enjoy Dazai misery

Maybe he will let the puppy come time to time to distract/punish the lazy potato from not doing work.

Well, regardless you were just a child with sweet personality but also a demanding, stubborn personality too.

But the whole agency knows that they would rather hide your ability rather than making the other organisation to target you.

Regardless that even president is like your grandfather or sort whom you cling onto on rare times to get sweets.

Most likely you annoy Ranpo to share his sweets, which leads the chaotic arguments.

But fortunately, Naomi brought two same flavour sweets so that you both won't argue about different sweet flavour which you haven't tasted is eaten by the other or sort.

You do have parents who left you astray but.. They did came to take you one time as you were taken a back.

The elders of the agency said they will speak with them as Naomi, Sakura, Kyouka, Kenji, Jun'churo and Atsushi took you away to play or sort as the others talk with your biological parents.

Well, let's just say you are just a kid, when you hear your parents left without telling you, you refuse to show how heartbroken you were as the agency members try to cheer you up which they succeeded.

You only hope your parents will come back to take you home, since.. Agency is good but you are not a detective and precisely your just 10-12 year old child who misses their parents warmed.

But that is only a hopeful thought as you are unaware that your.. Parents will never visit you ever again.

After all you belong to agency who can protect you, right?

"Don't worry, Y/n-kun we can go to the aquarium alright!" Said Atsushi as he notice your frown which turn to a childish smile.

"Really?"

"Yep!"

"Will the others come too?"

"Hmm? Why not ask them, shall we?" Said Atsushi who was the one succeeding on making you gleam happily.

The agency happily agreed to go.

Let's just say the port mafia were there to and Mori was confused and curious of Why Fukuzawa have a boy with him and why the whole crew of the agency in the aquarium?

Well, he was confused when Elise was the one approach you when you got lost around the aquarium as he approach you both.

"Elise-chan! I told you not to leave my hand!"

"But Rintarou! He is lost!" Said Elise who hold your hand as you were sniffling as Mori approach you.

"Say, aren't you the boy from the agency?"

"You.. Know them?"

"Yes, Do you want to come with us while.. We search of the agency member?"/

"Really?"

"Yes really" said Mori as Elise smile to reassure you and drag you with her as Mori just tag along.

Let's just say the agency were in panic in search of you.

And Ranpo was the one who use his glasses to find out where you were last been. But they found no one making the chaotic drama in the aquarium by the agency asking about your whereabouts to the people.

In suspicion that they might have kidnapped you or sort.

After all, your the most adorable kid, aren't you?

.

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A:n- that's all good day/night to you all! I hope you have a great day ahead.

[dreamwreaver]

I really hate the Hellaverse fandom for having this absurd idea that only gay/explicitly queer men can act feminine. I thought we left this mentality ages ago? So what if Alastor acts fruity? Doesn't immediately mean he only exclusively wants men. Funny how they love making this man the bottom b*tch when it comes to a lot of depictions of him in a gay ship (which is wildly out of character for a control freak misandrist by the way) not saying you can't depict him like that, I'm just pointing out you're showing alastor OOC and proceeding to dictate other people's ways of handling his character. "No! You can't ship him with Charlie!! He's manipulating her!!" Uh, duh. That's the point, it's his entire character, it's not like we didn't know he was using her for his own means, we didn't forget. Besides, the fact you said Alastor is manipulating Charlie and you ship Radio*pple makes it extremely wierd that you're letting Lucifer get with the man who's manipulating his daughter and made the famous manipulating scumbag her father figure, and also cursed Charlastor for shipping a manipulative man with his "victim" in the same breath. Again, not saying you can't ship it, Im pointing out the hypocrisy.

Let people ship two consenting fictional adult demons in peace, is it really hard to do?

Apparently dear nonnie, it really is that hard. Because despite their cries to "tear down the gender binary" and "you don't have to be this type of person to enjoy this type of activity it's for everyone!" They're real fucking quick to not only ascribe Alastor's personality as "fruity" (which... I mean I disagree he just isn't a fucking asshole to women) and assume that because of that he MUST like men. Yeah, real progressive thinking there. Like, leave off the fact that Lucifer looks down on sinners the same as most angels do; leave off the fact that it's really misogynistic to fob off the main FEMALE protagonist because you want your "toxic old man yaoi" to be front and center, leave off the fact that Alastor has a particular disdain for bad fathers and is well aware of Charlie's daddy issues, and also the fact that they're making the mixed race (and spoilers for next season but) VISIBLY black as a human man the bottom for a white guy. Let's just forget all of that for a second and focus on the manipulation thing for a second.

Alastor has never made any bones about why he's there, at least in relation to Charlie's goals. He flat out doesn't believe in redemption, and to be fair his assumptions are grounded in a very logical stance that the chance given was the life lived before and where you end up is deserved. So why is he actually there? Well that's a little harder to say. Some speculated he was under Lilith's thumb and was sent there to watch over her. I mean I never really believed that personally because it seems very obvious he ~~fell in love at first sight~~ first really saw her as an opportunity when watching her interview. Now it seems he might see Charlie as a way to break the shackles of his deal to regain control over his own soul again. Whatever his motives, it isn't altruism. Except here's one important thing;

CHARLIE ALREADY KNOWS THIS

As much as people like to rag on the pilot it establishes one super important thing. As naive and optimistic as Charlie can be she is well aware of what kind of person she is surrounded by and knows how to navigate the more political side of hell. She sidesteps Al's original attempt to make a deal for his help, and while she is very awkward about it he accepts. Let's look at what she says,

"As Princess of Hell and heir to the throne I hearby order that you help with this hotel, for as long as you desire. Sound fair?"

She can give an order that he likely cannot refuse, but gives him an out. Most importantly of all she does not make a deal with him for his help. Charlie is not some helpless little girl who can't see Alastor for what he actually is. She just chooses to see the best in people. Remember, she only actively makes a deal with Alastor when everyone she cares about is at risk. And even then she puts caveats on it that she will not hurt anyone for him. She holds boundaries with him and Alastor for all he condescends to her goals at times, respects.

Now let's take for a moment the view that many (not all but much like the toxic ones a very VOCAL amount) of RA shippers have of Charlie. That she is an uwu lesbean babie who doesn't know anything and would have sold her soul to the first overlord that wanted it without vaggie there to look after her. The view that she is so weak willed and naive Alastor can actively and easily manipulate her at any and all times and the only ones putting a stop to it are Vaggie and Lucifer. Okay, awesome. Lucifer has identified this sinner as a threat to his daughter whom despite all his major flaws he does seem to truly care about and want to get to know as an equal adult. You're telling me that Lucifer would willingly put his kid in harm's way to get his dick wet?

No. Nope. Nu-uh. And look, I can appreciate a good enemies to lovers. I really can. But here's the thing, enemies to lovers implies some sort of equal power and ability. According to Viv Al wouldn't be able to take Stolas in a fight. Their power sets are different sure but if a sinner can't take down a member of the Ars Goetia what the FUCK do you think would happen if he tried to take on the king of hell himself? Adam was more evenly matched to fight Lucifer than Alastor was. More importantly, why do people think that Lucifer wouldn't immediately smite Alastor? Let's be real; the only thing keeping Alastor safe when he purposefully antagonizes Luci is the fact that Charlie cares about Alastor. If she weren't there? The man would have been paste on the floor from the first insult.

Additionally; let's just address the elephant in the room. RA is gay charlastor. I'm sorry, but it is. Lucifer is male Charlie, right down to his idealistic nature. It's been beaten out of him by thousands of years of disappointment but Charlie's optimism comes from him. Luci originally wanted to make things better; his position in Heaven was to spread joy. Like, I haven't consumed any of the content but multishipper friends of mine have and the dynamic in those stories is not at all representative of the characters. And honestly? That's fine! Ship what you want! I'm not here to tell you you can't ship stuff (trust me I got way more problematic ships than this) because glass house? Meet stone. But acknowledge the fact that 1. It's a crackship that would never be canon from the outset and 2. Is just the gay version of a ship that was popular for FIVE YEARS before it. Personally; I don't seek out content I know will piss me off, but that's just me. I'm old and know fandom etiquette even if I still for the life me cannot usually remember how to spell that word.

Oh, one other reason I know RA is just gay Charlastor. Certain "artists" keep STEALING Charlastor works and "fixing" read, tracing over and not crediting the original artists, the piece by making it THEIR preferred ship. Or even funnier; they steal Charlastor fankid arts and repost them as RA. This is a persistent problem for at least one Charlastor artist to the point where not only is his handle watermarked in the art but SO IS THE CHARLASTOR LABEL.

[foolishsweet]

Ok so the person down (@/aoyogu) made Opposite Day VBS and the person Up (@/kleinnsed) made Opposite Day WxS in the quotes. And what I like about it is that Tsukasa would still be the perfect leader for this group, and also hilariously the most optimistic in comparison.

The rest of this post is a LONG idea of how their dynamic works and how things could work out:

Emu: I don't know why my sister hired you all. there is no point doing any of this... Wonder stage is doomed either way...

Tsukasa: ...So? If it's so hopeless then there is no reason NOT to do whatever you want with it is there?

Emu: ...I guess...

Rui: YOU DON'T GET IT. THERE ARE SAFETY RESTRICTIONS AND RULES THAT WE HAVE TO FOLLOW FOR THIS. LOOK AT THIS PLACE. THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN DO A SHOW HERE WITHOUT FIXING IT!!!

Tsukasa: ok so let's fix it then...

Rui: oh yeah? With what money?!?! They are already planning to tear this place down, there is no way we are gonna get any support for this!!!

Tsukasa: Aren't we already hired tho?... Can't we threaten to sue for making us work in "this" conditions or something...?

Rui: I-! I am-!...... You... You have a point... >:(

Nene: UWAAAAaaaa b-b-but- what if something goes wrong?!? If one of us forgets out lines?!?!? O-o-or if it rains that day?!?!! Or the lights fall off??!?!! Or the STAGE BREAKS INTO A FIRE?!?!? OR THE AUDIENCE HATES IT AND WE GET BOOED AND GET TOMATOES TROW-

Tsukasa: **shrugs** idk we try again I guess... If the stage breaks we can ask to get it fixed... Or just do the show outside...

Nene: oh... R-right...

Rui: Outside? WITHOUT PERMITS?!?!? ARE YOU SOME DELINQUENT?!?!?!

Tsukasa: *shrugs again*

Nene: B-b-bit what of the police come arrest us?!?!!

Tsukasa: Emu can bail us out...

Emu: I won't.

Tsukasa: that's fair...

Like, I think they could get past the main story. they would be a Troupe that brings smiles by using the catharsis of tragedies, making people feel seen and have their fears and worries be represented in ridiculously dramatic ways that make them look so simple and mundane, making them laugh with tragicomedy.

And maybe they won't be able to save the Wonder stage, but they could continue, if nothing to reuse WxS theme of death and rebirth, Emu seeing that her dreams to protect Wonder stage die, yet still going forward, instead of protecting, she rediscovers the magic that died with her grandpa, ironically thanks to Tsukasa, of doing things that make people smile for no real reason other than because you feel like it.

It would also work so well with Rui's backstory, that he became a lot more stricter with rules to avoid being alienated from shows, yet also became a lot more judging of people because of mistrust and paranoia, thus he is still seen as a weirdo. Yet, he meets a bigger weirdo being Tsukasa, who just does what he feels like and doesn't talk much so people avoid him. So now we get another reverse of canon where their relationship is Tsukasa doing or suggesting things that are beyond the norm and Rui going crazy stressed, thinking of how to do the things this guy is proposing without breaking something (be it the preformer or the law) but secretly loves it bc he still gets to do amazing shows.

Then Ruinene are a stress bomb, with Nene worrying about everything and Rui taking all of her concerns so seriously he stresses himself out too. Nene has practically the same arc even, with her becoming braver and seeing Tsukasa as a rival to her ambition while also secretly admiring him for his willingness to just, do things. And how she wants to do the same and MORE without being so scared of everything.

And then there is Tsukasa, who seems like he doesn't care and really doesn't at first, who forgot his ambition when he saw that he couldn't make his sister smile no matter what he did and became indifferent to everything (but not apathetic). He is helping Emu because "what's there to lose?", it's a way to waste time for him doing something interesting, or so he tells himself. He tells Rui of what he is thinking of doing because "it's not like he is gonna stop me", unknowingly planting a seed of trust. He tells Nene not to worry, "We all fail, it doesn't mean anything", words that have given him the courage to continue too. And, gradually...

Saki: big brother, you are doing a lot these days...

Tsukasa: not really... I'm just doing what I like...

Saki: yeah but, you look like you are putting a lot of effort.

Tsukasa: ...you think?... It doesn't feel that way...

Saki: but it looks like it. ...you really care a lot about your new troupe, don't you?

Tsukasa: well no- i don- I'm- ... ...... .........? ??? ??????? *Blue screens*

[cillyscribbles]

street kids of mos eisley from this codywan fic i'm writing

closeups of them + some fun facts under the cut

reva my darling!!

obviously those notes aren't true; she "moved" to tatooine with obi-wan after escaping the purge, but it's a good cover story and she's learning to live with it throughout the fic.

i'm going heavy on the selflessness angle; reva has a long way ahead of her but she's a child and she's extremely invested in making the world a better place, even with all the horrors. she doesn't want to accept that life is unfair; and if it really is, then she wants to *make* it fair.

naturally she's getting knocked down a lot about it. and it does get to her! but it doesn't change her desire for a sense of justice in the world. call her idealistic - she knows. why aren't you?

channeling all that canon reva "can't do anything about it" rage into "can do at least a little something about it" determination. she seems like a very proactive person, so. watch her act!

wros is umm. i can't say wros is my favourite, but god is she making it hard!! i like her type of character a lot.

she's headstrong, she's hard to throw off, she's aggressively caring, and i think the reason she and reva click fairly readily is because they share that sense and desire for goodness in the world. they want to make it good, and they suffer in powerlessness, and they find company together in that.

wros is also rather perceptive. a lot of that comes from her grandma, i think; wros admires her very much and wants to follow in her footsteps of character, so she's always got a fair bit going on in her head. i'm not saying she clocks reva is a jedi, but because of her circumstances with [vague plot reasons] it's not very difficult for her to understand that Reva's Hiding Something.

another fun thing about her, i think, is that she doesn't really care. i mean, she does, you know, as far as she's aware, but her type of person is about the exact kind that obi-wan says will understand why you lie to them if you do, in a situation like this. she sees that something's up with reva, but clearly reva feels like she's in danger here, and that's fair, because she is. so.

wros is sort of the lead of the kids; she often directs games and activities and picks times and places to hang out and such. she's very used to taking that responsibility, but she ends up taking on the weight of anything that happens. it's a bit of a double-edged sword.

pasha!!

the youngest but hardly the sweetest. she's always in a good mood, but she doesn't really think before she speaks and often comes off a bit callous. doesn't help that she's easily insulted, but hey. gotta fight for yourself as the runt of the litter and such.

with all that being said, she never stays upset for long, and forgives and forgets as soon as conversation turns. she's a bit of a poor listener, but eager to help. solution-oriented. loves the world AGGRESSIVELY, no matter how much things suck.

pasha is the one of them who "knows people". one of her moms was a slave and the other works for the hutts - all around a solid covering for all bases, which pasha - sociable, eager and scrappy - is picking up just fine.

funnily enough, pretty sure she's the only one of the bunch with moms. loves ardently and is loved the same, and takes every word out of her moms' mouths as gospel.

it creates arguments between her and her friends sometimes - mostly her and wros, where most of the fights can be summed up to "life could be worse!" and "could be a lot better though couldn't it!!" then again, it never lasts, and while pasha will gladly wander into another one, wros sort of tries to tiptoe around the topics that she knows will set pasha off.

gli'i is NOT my language agenda character whoever said this was a lying bastard. HOWEVER,

this boy KNOWS languages and is picking up more. at least 4 at the beginning of the fic! devaronese, ryl, huttese and basic, the latter two being the ones he's not Entirely fluent in just yet, but hey. he's got a lot going on.

his family has been engineers for a while, so i think his inclination towards less hands-on practices gives his dad a bit of grief. gli'i doesn't run from work, but he is a bit of a daydreamer - at least he is while doing things that don't interest him. ergo, most things his dad puts him to. alas.

he's Incredibly!!! Fucking!!! Bright!!! but he is introspective and his initial language barrier on tatooine led a lot of folks to treat him as dumber or younger than he is, and it drives him Up The Wall.

he and reva learn huttese together where they can. i think gli'i is glad to find a sort of shared striving for new things between them. reva's inclination to listen and open-mindedness means a lot to him.

that's all!!! thank you!!

[marshmellowtea]

comes out of the wip covered in blood. this was supposed to be a short little tumblr fic what happened omg 😭😭😭

alkdjfklasdfj anyway! as i've teased several times now here's a fic for the munchausen by proxy au, or the love isn't injected with syringes 'verse as it's now dubbed (thank you heresy! ^-^), ft. a fucked up little slice of life scene between a teenage chris and celia. no other cornley members appear cuz it is a backstory fic, i just wanted to write a little thing about what his life was like before he met them and they were able to help him, and it. uh. spiraled lol. i swear it was not supposed to be this long, nor was it supposed to take this long to write, but here we are!

like i said, this was meant to be a shorter fic meant for tumblr, but the intent was always to cross post it to ao3 at some point, so if you'd prefer to read it there i'll have it published tomorrow on my tea_at_twilight_time account. i'll also be reblogging this post with a link for the sake of convenience and also because i love self promo lol :)

warnings for this fic include: implied poisoning and medical malpractice by a parent (cuz uh. munchausen by proxy lol), hurt/little comfort, hurt/manipulative comfort, child abuse (mostly emotional and medical but referenced physical as well. also celia is def starving this kid so references to that too lol), vomiting and semi graphic descriptions thereof, choking as a result of said vomiting, references to body fluids, nightmares, drowning, celia's general hot and cold nature with this poor kid, chris seeming wayyyy younger than he is (agere brain did not turn off while writing this i will not lie to you all lol). if there's anything else please lemme know but this should cover the major things <3 yes this fic is evil don't @ me about it akdjflkds >:3

now, without further ado..........

"I know it's not right to say, but...sometimes, I quite like you like this."

Celia's words come into Chris's ears as a soft croon, her hand stroking his overheated face and sweat soaked hair soothingly. He breathes out shakily, but despite the pain radiating up through his limbs, he finds himself smiling a little, her tone washing over him more than her words.

"Mama," he mumbles, weakly lifting a hand for her. "'m...'m..."

Celia shushes him, her hand trailing down to cup his cheek, her thumb rubbing over his feverish, pallid skin. "My poor darling," she continues, her voice sickeningly sweet. "You're so good for me when you're sick, aren't you?"

Chris hums lowly, tilting his face further into her palm. She doesn't get like this often—sweet and gentle, touching him like he's something to be loved. Normally she's more clinical, her touch impersonal as she checks his temperature, gives him his pills, helps him bathe...he relies on her for quite a bit, really, so it's not surprising she can't always indulge him in affection like this. Still though, it's nice when he gets it, these rare moments where she's more his mother than his nurse.

"You're so weak," she says, soft, like it's a compliment. "So helpless. You're so lucky to have such a loyal mum like me, who's willing to stick it out. Most women would consider you too high maintenance, but not me. I'm willing to sacrifice a lot for you, Chris, don't forget that."

He nods faintly, as best he can with his head feeling so heavy. She'd just given him his medicine, and that always drains him a bit—he doesn't think it's fair that the thing that's supposed to make him better makes him feel so damn tired, but Mama always assures him that that just means it's working. Sometimes, the things that make you feel better make you feel worse for a bit, something she's always quick to remind him of when he complains. He tries not to complain so much nowadays, though. She's only doing what's best for him.

"Anyway," Celia says, bringing him back to the present. "I have some things to do, so I'll be leaving you here for a bit. Can you get some rest for me while I'm gone?"

Chris whimpers before he can stop himself, opening his eyes sluggishly. He knows he's being selfish, but a part of him hates how often she leaves him alone, knowing how much he needs her. He reaches out for her weakly, trying to gently grab onto her arm or even the hem of her blouse, but she grabs his wrist before he can reach her, placing it back against his chest.

"Chris. Don't be difficult," she says, voice still sweet but with an edge of that harshness he so dreads to hear from her. "I'm doing this for you. I have to leave to pick up your new medication."

"I th-thought," he starts, words slurring as his tongue feels heavy in his mouth, "th-thought this was the new medi-medica—"

"It's one of them," Celia says, mercifully cutting him off before he can embarrass himself further. "But with your condition, well...we just need more than one course to make you well again. You're quite sick, you know."

He does know. He whines, but nods again, his head moving helplessly against his pillowcase. "'m s'rry," he mumbles, eyes growing wet with tears. "D-don' mean'ta make it so hard..."

"Oh, I know, I know," Celia soothes, pulling the blanket up to cover his chest. "That's why I need you to sleep for me now. We won't know if this dose is working until you get some rest and let it work, alright?"

Chris breathes out shakily, letting his eyes fall closed. "Mama?" he asks, voice tiny.

"Yes, dear?"

For a long moment, it feels like all he can do is breathe. Finally, he quietly asks, "D-don' wanna be difficul' still, b-but can you stay til..."

He trails off, taken aback by the hand in his hair. "Yes, Chris?" she prompts, soft voice tinged with irritation.

He wilts a little, and shame tinges his voice as he mumbles, "J-jus' til I fall 'sleep..."

Celia's quiet for a long moment, continuing to stroke his hair rhythmically. Eventually, though, she sighs, as though he's asked something truly exhausting of her. Maybe he has, he's not sure.

"Okay, darling," she says, sounding put upon about it. "Just this once. The chemist doesn't stay open all day, you know."

"I-I know," Chris mumbles, a few stray tears escaping. "'m s'rry, Mama."

Celia sighs heavily again, and Chris can see the way she shakes her head, even with his eyes closed. "I suppose you can't help it," she says, her nails digging slightly into his scalp as she continues to stroke his hair. "Being a bit...needy. It's only natural, since you're sick. Still, you really ought to not make it a habit."

"I won't," he whimpers, relaxing a little into the mattress regardless. "'m s'rry Mama."

"Sssshh."

Obediently, he falls quiet at her shushing, letting himself be soothed by her gentle petting. He doesn't deserve it—he doesn't deserve her, and all the things she does for him. She's really too good to him.

Those thoughts carry him to sleep, a thank you and a declaration of love dying on his tongue. He plans only to say the former to her later, knowing she’ll appreciate his gratitude, but the latter will be kept to himself, like a secret. No use in saying that he loves her when she won't say it back, after all.

- -

The ocean out in front of him is vast and choppy, tossing his little ship around helplessly.

Chris's stomach churns with the movement of the sea, a steadily rising nausea coming over him like the waves he's currently sailing on. He's not sure how much of it is seasickness, and how much of it is sheer terror—terror he's struggling to keep under wraps, lest his crew see just how fucked they really are. The faceless men around him shoot him concerned glances with their smooth, eyeless visages, well aware of how dire their plight is, and though he knows this, Chris sends them attempts at reassuring nods anyway, swallowing back the bile rising in his throat.

"Captain," one of them says, sending a nervous glance to the waves in front of them. "The sea—"

He doesn't get to finish before a wave suddenly hits them, tall and unavoidable even if Chris had noticed it before it came. Chris feels himself getting swept away, and he shouts, calling for help he knows won't come. There's no one to help him. Anyone who could, anyone who would've cared enough to, is getting swept away with him, his crew getting carried away alongside him. Tears spring to Chris's eyes as he realizes he's failed them, and the pain in his stomach spikes, a cramp that would make him double over if he was still upright.

He doesn't get to dwell on that long, however, until he's plunging into the jarringly cold water surrounding them. A wail dies in his throat as his mouth fills with water, blocking any further sound from escaping him as he gags and splutters, attempting to clear his airways with each convulsion of his chest. Anything that he manages to cough up is quickly replaced, however, as the sea presses in all around him, the inescapable pressure making his chest tighten around the liquid slowly filling his lungs. Tears sting his eyes, but if any escape, he isn't able to tell as they're quickly lost to the saltwater carrying him.

Mama, he calls out in his mind, as though she'd be able to hear him—as though she'd be able to get to him out here. Still, a hopelessly hopeful part of him can't help but call for her, Mama, come save me!

He coughs again, but it's getting harder to breathe. He's going to die out here, he realizes. He's going to die alone and scared and without his Mama here to hold him and tell him he's going to be an angel in heaven if he dies here and—

—and suddenly there are hands pulling him from the water, warm and solid against his clammy skin. He feels himself get rolled onto his side, somehow on solid ground now, and this time when he coughs, water comes out. He sobs a little once his throat is clear, and then vomits, more water coming out of him, this time accompanied with sea gunk.

"There you go, my angel. Get it all out."

Is that...is that Mama? Chris whimpers, relieved to hear her voice—but how did she get out all the way out here?

"Sssshh," she soothes, her hand feeling real and alive in his hair. "You're alright. Just breathe."

Chris gasps, eyes fluttering open to see Celia hovering over him and a trail of vomit leading from his mouth, yellowish and liquidy from his consistently empty stomach. He whines loudly, and then convulses, another wave of bile pouring out of his mouth and spilling onto the pillow next to him.

"I know, love, I know," Celia croons, brushing back his hair and rubbing his shoulder. "Just let it out, and then we'll get you in the tub again, alright?"

Chris whimpers, but he can't really protest that plan—his pajamas feel a bit damp, and he can't tell what of it is sweat or...other, less desirable fluids. He lets his eyes fall shut and thinks of the sea from his dream again, the way the cold saltwater washed over him, and feels grateful to at least be on dry land as he coughs and sputters his way through his little nausea spell, unfortunately not that uncommon at this point in his life. He doesn't usually choke during them, though, and he can't help but whimper again as his stomach contracts and spews up more acid, the vomit stinging the sores already formed in the back of his throat as it comes up. All the while, Celia murmurs to him, soft words of reassurance as he retches, and he soaks up the affection as much as he can while he's in this state, never knowing when he's going to receive this softness again.

"Mama," he mumbles, once his stomach has finally settled enough for him to speak without bringing more of the sparse fluids in his abdomen up, "don' feel very good..."

"I know, my angel," Celia croons again, now reaching down to help guide him upright. "You'll feel better once we get you in the bath. Oh, and fortunately, I just brought back your new medication, and that'll have you feeling right as rain as well, won't it?"

The idea of putting anything else on his empty, ravaged stomach makes Chris feel lightheaded, mouth watering with the threat of more vomit. Still, he knows better than to argue, especially after the scare he must've given her. He wonders how she deals with it, the constant brushes with death his illnesses give him. She never seems outwardly afraid for him, though he knows she must be, given how much time and effort she puts into keeping him alive. If he had the energy to, he'd feel guilty for it, but right now, he barely has the energy to keep himself sitting, instead leaning heavily against his mother once she's got him upright.

"Mama," he groans, trembling as she starts to pull him to his feet, his legs unwilling to support him. "Mama, don' wanna be sick 'nymore...'m tired..."

"Sssshh, I know," Celia soothes, holding him around the waist as she guides him toward the bathroom, exercising a surprising amount of strength as she holds him upright almost entirely on her own. "Hopefully the pills help this time, but...oh, you've been my sick baby for so long, I just can't imagine you any other way..."

Chris whimpers, legs nearly collapsing beneath him. Baby. He doesn't get dubbed with that title often, but it always makes his chest warm, a weird fuzziness rushing over his head when she says it. He lifts his heavy, trembling arms, hoping to cling to her before they reach the bathroom, but before he can muster up enough strength for it, she's dropping him unceremoniously on the toilet, setting him aside as she preps his bath. A few stray tears escape his eyes at the loss of contact, and he curls around himself with a groan, clutching at his still aching stomach.

"Do try not to vomit again, Chris," Celia says, her voice not cold per se, but losing the warmth it had not even a minute ago. "But if you do, you know where the wastebasket is."

Chris whimpers, less at the nausea rolling over him and more at the clinical neutrality in her tone. Back to business as usual, he supposes. It had been a nice run of her rare gentleness, longer than she normally affords him, but he should've known that it was inevitably going to end. Still, despite his disappointment, he does his best to follow her instructions and not puke again—it's not too hard, even for as nauseous as he is. Anything he could've thrown up has already been expelled, so he just closes his eyes and against the dizziness washing over him, letting the sound of the tub filling keep him distracted. The warm water will feel good on his aches, he knows this from experience.

"Mama," he mumbles, once his mouth is no longer full of saliva, a threat of vomiting his body won't follow through with. "Mama, thank'ou..."

"Don't speak, Chris," Celia chides, not harsh, but not kind either. "Not until we're sure you won't be sick again."

"But 'm...I don' think 'm gonna..."

"Chris."

This time, there is harshness to the words. He's annoyed her again. He slams his mouth shut and whimpers, and then swallows back any other noises, feeling more than seeing her annoyed stare with his eyes still shut. He flinches slightly when he feels her come over—physical punishments aren't common, but he's never sure when he's aggravated her enough to draw one out of her—but she merely starts to help him out of his pajamas, wordlessly pulling the hem of his shirt up. Chris instinctively moves his arms up to help her, the movements routine by now, and in no time at all he's undressed and being guided into the tub.

He doesn't open his eyes again until he feels the water surrounding him, warm and clean and a sharp contrast to the cold salt water from his dream. The memory of it makes him shiver even in the heat surrounding him, and he pulls his legs to his chest and wraps his arms around himself, keeping his eyes on the steam rising up around him rather than on his mother fluttering around him.

After what feels like a long silence, she speaks up again. "Chris. I do appreciate the gratitude."

Chris perks up a little at that, finally looking up at her with round eyes. "Really?"

"Of course," Celia murmurs, crouching down by the tub next to him. "It's rare that a boy understands the sacrifices his mother makes for him. But you...you've always been so obedient for me."

Tears well up in Chris's eyes at the praise, and his breath quickens, squeezing his eyes shut as she runs a damp washcloth over his shoulders. "You do so much for me," he mumbles, and before he can stop himself, before he can remember why it's a bad idea, he finds the words slipping out of his mouth, "I love you, Mama..."

Celia is quiet for a long, terrifying moment, no acknowledgement of the words he's just spoken. She doesn't even stop washing him, but that's a good sign—at least he didn't upset her too badly. Still, she must be a little upset with him given her silence, and the thought makes his stomach start to turn again unpleasantly.

"'m sorry," he mumbles, dropping his face into his knees. "'m sorry...sorry...s—"

"Quiet, now, Chris," Celia interrupts, cutting off his next apology. "Let's just get your bath finished so you can go back to bed, alright?"

Chris whimpers, nodding weakly. He'll probably be moved to the guest room while his sheets are being cleaned, but he doesn't mind too much. It's always nice to have a change of scenery, no matter how brief, though he often does find himself wishing for more sometimes. Maybe if he feels better tomorrow, and if he asks really nicely, he'll get to sit on the couch and watch a little telly. Maybe Mama will even sit with him, and show him one of her old movies. That would be nice. He won't get any of that if he doesn't get better, though, or if he's not good. So far, it feels like he's failing on both fronts.

He tries to push the thought out of his mind—the last thing his mother needs is for him to accidentally induce one of his crying fits—and the rest of the bath passes in a half aware haze, exhaustion taking over once again now that his stomach doesn't hurt so much. The warm water feels really nice, after all, and a few times, Chris nearly finds himself drifting off, though he does his best to fight off the urge, since Mama can't lift him out if he falls asleep. He's not keen on the idea of waking up to a cooled tub of water if she has to leave him in again, nor on the idea of said cooled water making him sicker. It's far too easy to set off his various illnesses, and Mama would be upset if he caused them to get worse by doing something stupid and easily avoidable like falling asleep where he's not supposed to.

He is a bit relieved when she finally pulls the drain, finding it harder and harder to keep his eyes open. He trembles as the water rushes away, leaving him exposed to the cold air around him, but a towel is soon draped over him, soft and fluffy and protecting him against the chill that forever permeates the house. He whines a bit as he's guided up to his feet, but the way he's shushed quickly quiets him, and this time he wastes no time in latching onto his mother as best he can with sore, trembling arms, not wanting to miss his chance to cling to her while it's still acceptable to do so.

"Guest room, Mama?" he asks, voice quiet and a little shaky, matching the way his legs tremble beneath him.

"Yes, Christopher," Celia says, a note of something he can't quite identify in her voice. "Can't exactly have you sleeping in soiled sheets, can we?"

Chris shakes his head, whimpering at the thought. That'd be worse than sleeping in the bathtub, he's sure. The bathtub gets pretty cold, but at least it's clean.

"Exactly, my angel," Celia says in response to his displeased sounds, leading him in the direction of his new sleeping arrangements. "We wouldn't want to undo my hard work of getting you all clean by putting you back in your own mess, would we?"

Oh, he said part of that out loud, hadn't he? Chris flushes a bit at the realization, but he still shakes his head dutifully in response, breathing out shakily as his stomach starts to churn again. Movement always disrupts it when he's already been sick, so he's not going to worry too much about getting sick again unless he feels the saliva start to swarm his mouth or the bile tease at the back of his throat, the tell tale signs that he's going to retch. He knows them all intimately by now, even if the whims of the rest of his body still feel confusing and out of reach.

Thankfully, the trip to the guest room passes by in a half aware haze, most of Chris's focus on his sensitive, flipping stomach. It's a relief once he's sat down on the bed again, and he sighs as he flops onto his side on the mattress, soft and comfortable beneath him.

"Chris," Celia scolds after a long moment, and he looks up through his lashes to see her standing above him, bundle of clothes in arm.

"Sorry Mama," he mumbles, pushing himself upright again on trembling arms. "'m tired..."

"I know, dear, which is why I don't understand why you're making this so much harder on me," she huffs, coaxing a pang of guilt into his ravaged tummy. "I just need you to sit up for a bit longer, are you capable of doing that for me?"

Chris flushes in shame, and he nods shakily, biting his bottom lip nervously. "I can," he says softly. "Sorry, Mama."

Celia huffs, and Chris braces himself, wincing as she starts to guide his tender limbs into a fresh pair of pajamas. It's not like she's trying to cause him pain, of course. She's just trying to get the job done quickly. It's not her fault if it hurts a bit, if every little movement makes his sore limbs ache dully, so he does his best to let her work, trying not to fuss it. The warm water from his bath had helped a bit, but the pain never fully goes away, the aches from his illnesses a constant background noise he can never entirely block out.

It's a relief, then, when he's finally laid back down on the bed, guided by his mother's hand. There's the ghost of affection in the gentleness of the gesture, and it bleeds into the way she tucks him in as well. He soaks it up as best he can, letting out the smallest of whimpers as the blanket is pulled up to his chin.

"There you go," Celia hums, not quite warm, but Chris clings to the vestiges of it in her tone anyway. "Are you going to get some sleep for me, now?"

Chris breathes out shakily, but he nods, his exhaustion and his mother's pointed stare giving him no other choices. "Yes Mama," he breathes, curling up childishly in the sheets. "Um...wait..."

Celia pauses on her way to the door, turning on her heel and looking at Chris with an uncomfortably neutral expression. "Yes, my angel?"

Chris breathes out, fighting the urge to suck at the edge of his blanket, a nervous habit his mother heavily disapproves of. "What if I have another nightmare?" he asks, voice quiet. "O-or I get sick 'n almost choke again?"

"You're not a child Chris, you can handle another nightmare," Celia says sternly, before her voice and face soften just slightly. "But you don't have to worry about choking again. I'll always be here to protect you, to save you. You know that."

Chris nods, feeling oddly cold under the layers of blankets. He wishes his mother would come closer, take him in her arms like he's a kid again and hold him to her chest, but he knows it's a big ask. It's as she's said, he's too old for that kind of thing—he's just turned fourteen, and Mama's made a point to let him know that because he's not a child anymore, he's too old for her to let him curl up in her lap just because he's not feeling well. Not that she held him much when he was younger, of course—she was too busy trying to take care of him, checking his vitals and bringing him water and tea and running to the chemist for his medicine. Still, sometimes, when he was really sick, she used to pull him close, let him lay his head against her shoulder as she held him and rocked him. It hurts to think that he's not going to get those occasional bouts of affection anymore, but he supposes that since he has been sick for so long, he should be able to handle the stress of it on his own now.

Still, he tries not to pout as he cuddles the blanket closer, trying to imagine it as a pair of arms embracing him. "I know Mama," he murmurs, the words a ghost of a breath on his lips. "A-and thank you…you really do so much f'r me..."

"Yes, I do, don't I?" Celia hums, sounding almost pleased—Chris can almost believe she's pleased with him, though he knows it's likely not the case. "And I have more I must do for you. Can you do something for me in turn?"

Chris nods, already knowing what she's going to ask. "Yes Mama," he mumbles in answer, letting his eyes droop closed. "I'll get some sleep f'r you..."

"Good, my angel," Celia says, and he can hear the light switch click as she shrouds him in darkness. "I'll be back for another round of medication later. I would give it to you now, but I have to sort your new pills with the others before I know what to give you...besides, I don't think the painkillers from this morning have quite left your system yet, anyway..."

Chris isn't so sure about that, given the way his aches have only sharpened since his bath. Still, he knows better than to argue with her, especially about his medication. She knows far more than he does about the kind of treatment he needs—Mama knows best, just like she always tells him.

"Okay, Mama," he breathes, clinging to the softness of his pillow. "Thank you. Thank you for takin' care 'f my medicine, Mama."

"Of course, my angel," Celia says, voice so quiet it's barely audible. "Sleep now. I'll be back to take care of you later, like always."

"Like always," Chris repeats faintly, a weird feeling squirming in his chest and tummy at the words. He thinks it's love, maybe, wriggling around, disallowed from escaping him through his throat and tongue—he's certainly not repeating that mistake again so soon.

"Yes, dear," Celia says, still so quiet, yet effectively breaking him out of his thoughts regardless. "Sleep well."

Chris nods, suppressing a whimper as the door clicks shut behind her, a quiet announcement that she's left him alone in the dark room. He curls in tighter on himself, feeling himself tremble slightly. Despite how exhausted he is, sleep suddenly feels far away, the dull ache in his body overwhelming in the darkness of the room. He almost wishes for something to do—a book to read, a show to watch, even something childish like toys to play with would be a welcome distraction. But he knows better than to ask for them, and that it's better if he merely focuses on resting, even if his mind is racing a million miles a minute and making it hard to drift off again.

It feels like ages until his body finally catches up with the situation, his heart rate slowing enough for him to lay under the covers without fidgeting around restlessly. He knows it probably won't be long until his mother wakes him up again for his medicine, given how long he laid there awake, but she asked him to rest for her. He's determined to fulfill that request, even if it's only for a pitifully brief amount of time.

He tries not to feel like a complete failure as he finally nods off again, hoping that the unease won't bring the nightmares back around. Despite his mother's words, he doesn't think that he is equipped to handle another one, and he really doesn't want to disappoint her again. The last thing he ever wants to do is disappoint her, even if it feels harder and harder not to, the older and sicker he gets.

Sorry Mama, he thinks, his last coherent thought before sleep finally takes him again, anxiety lingering at the edges of his subconscious mind. I'm trying to be good. I'm sorry, Mama.

[scrubbinn]

_____ HRT: 15 months: “Human”

“Hey Mayday. How's my girlfriend doing today?... I hope you can hear me in there. I'm recording another tape for you in case you forget everything again. I just got back from the doctor, they ran some tests, still couldn't figure out what's up with my knee. I think maybe I'm just cursed, with this broken human body. I guess you don't have to deal with that now huh? Lucky.”

“It just sucks, you know? Not a single medical doctor in Canada can tell me what's wrong and then when suddenly, magic exists, it gets regulated so you can't use it for medicine! Ugh. Rules are dumb, why do we even have them. Also sucks that I have to walk here every time I miss you. Which is a lot. Why does everything have to be so shit?”

“Speaking of shit, you should have heard me go off on that doc when you first started… cocooning? I’m blanking on the word. But I just went off on that man, It felt so good just to throw everything back in that pompous jerk's face! He had it coming, you have no idea how long I've been waiting to go off on a medical professional. He does have his uses, I suppose. You weirdly seem to like him, and at least he can put in enough effort to care about your physical health. But you should have seen how he reacted to you, he makes me so, so, so, AAAAARG! Sorry, you don't like yelling right?”

“You know, when I heard about you passing out nearly half a year ago, I thought, this is it, I'm going to lose her forever. I guess I did, when she decided to forget me. That's not fair, I just, I can't help still being mad about it. After everything we went through, and everything you went through with our friends and family. This really meant more than all of those memories put together? God you're such a dummy. I wish I could understand you.”

“Getting to meet you all over again, I didn't hate it like I thought I would. No matter the memories, it really was still you. Just, a little different. Sorry I kept pushing you to remember something… Maybe it was wrong of me. But every time I saw your face, your eyes looked back like they were trying to remember anything. It made me kind of happy, like I was important enough that some small part of you didn’t want to let go of me. I thought we were making progress. But if we have to do it again when you come out. I might actually start to hate it.”

“...Hey, you are happy right? This is what you wanted, yeah? You know I'm ok with you not being human. When you told me you were thinking about this, I supported it. Though, I'm still having trouble getting used to it. I don't really know how to feel now that you're like this. I just, I want what makes you happy, and I know you want the same for me. It's just been difficult right now. To keep smiling. I… I went to that sushi place we were going to go to. They had really good unagi. I ate so much I could barely afford the bill, haha. I know if I go there again without you, it's just going to taste like nothing. If you're not there with me, what's the point? This moment. The world has color again, I can taste things again when I'm in this room, and it hurts so much because you're not here. I'm sorry I… I'm trying not to cry in front of you hun. I'm sorry.”

* * *

“You don't mind if I stay here tonight do you hun? I don't really feel like walking back home right now. When I’m with you I- um, hello?”

“Oh didn’t realize anyone else was here? You’re Abigail right?”

“And your May’s mom right?” Are you here to see her?”

“Yes, I haven’t actually checked in since I heard the news. Is that. Her?”

“Pretty sure yeah. Unless there’s another girlfriend shaped cocoon that I missed. D- Do you need a tissue?”

“No, I’ll be fine, thank you… Pardon, but would you be able to answer a question? I don’t really understand this whole therian thing. I’m still a little shocked when Mich- Mayday said she was doing this sort of thing in the first place. I’m fine with it, I support her. But, did she need to do this?”

“Huh, what do you mean?”

“Well I mean, did she need to change? Isn’t it just safer to hide? She’s doing such a brave thing but there are so many people that might hurt her. It's my job to worry about her, and I know this city is better and all with this sort of thing, but what if she gets attacked when she visits, what am I supposed to tell my sister if she asks what Mayday is up to. My family doesn't even know her name is Mayday now.”

“...Oh. Oh, this is weird seeing it from an outsider perspective.”

“I'm sorry? What do you mean?”

“It's that you don't get it, I mean I forgot it until now, but you don't understand. It would have been more dangerous if she didn't do this. She's in pain, her gender, Her body, her species. They don't match her brain. It's not like it's a choice either. She's hurting. Her staying human, she might have made worse choices. Ugh, I'm sorry hun. I should have realized how much this means to you, I'll be here, for real this time. I'll be here for y…

Oh my god, it's tearing. G-g-go! Get a doctor!”

“What? Oh! Uh, right!”

“Hun! Can you hear me? It's me! Follow my voice!”

“A…b…i…

Mimic HRT: 15 months: “no longer”

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