#to be honest i have not come close to making any new irl friends in 4 years so this is a big deal for me

[lowestechelonabomination]

need to start a collection of emotions expressed through bag metaphors. ie plastic bag drifting through the wind, wet paper bag, etc......

[sapshorelines]

vampire! lucas x m reader

story: m/n recently broke up with his girlfriend, and his friend comforts him in...more ways than one.

NO this is not smut, its suggestive!

SHE WASN'T EVEN WORTH IT TO BE HONEST | Vampire!Lucas X M!reader

You've recently gone through a bad breakup with your girlfriend. However, your vampire friend is here to comfort you. (mentions of cheating, suggestive themes, vampires, mentions of biting, comfort, angst, vampire AU) (not proof read | 1.3k words)

!! NOTE !! None of my works represent any IRL people. These works are purely meant for entertainment purpose and shouldn't be taken seriously. Do not steal any of my works and reupload them to other medias MINORS DNI

----

You lay in your bed, all wrapped up in various blankets. How long have you been there? You don't even remember. You just stare at your phone screen emotionlessly as you browse your social media. How on earth did you get here?

Well, you've just went through a nasty break up with your girlfriend. You've found out that she's been cheating on you with someone else. You've been with her for three years and you two were pretty much a match made in heaven. But that was a lie.

You haven't done much of anything as you just lay there in your bed mindlessly scrolling on your phone. Until you got a notification, it was from your best friend Lucas. Ah yes, lets not forget that your bestie is a vampire. You already know of him being a vampire and that didn't bother you.

[Lucas] [M/n you doing alright? You haven't said a word to me for ages now.]

Ages huh, yeah that's what it feels like. You open your messages and typed back.

[M/n] [no dude, im going through hell right now]

[Lucas] [Do you need me to come over? Do you need company?]

You think for a second, it has been awhile since you had any human interaction.

[M/n] [yeah sure, you got my spare key still right?]

[Lucas] [Yeah I still do, Ill come over] [Be there in ten minutes]

What's amazing about Lucas is that you two don't live that far from each other. Its only a ten minute walk. You look at the time and realize its afternoon and the sun is still out. Of course vampires aren't the best when it comes to the sun as they can get serious sun burns rather than combusting into flames. But you know he has a special umbrella that can protect him from the sun rays, plus he takes a route that is mostly shaded so at least he is safe.

What felt like hours was only ten minutes, then you hear the door being unlocked and open. He was here. You wanted to get up and say hi to him but you really did not want to move. "M/n?" He calls out as you can hear the door closing behind him.

"My room." You call back to him, you can hear footsteps making their way to your room. The door would open and Lucas stood there. "Holy fuck- how long have you been in your bed dude?" He chuckles as he makes his way to your bed side to sit down on it. "Ages, centuries even." You say, "You sure you're not a vampire dude?" He cracked up a joke, which of course was successful as you let out a small chuckle too.

"What even happen that made you hibernate in your apartment anyway?" He asked. "..I broke up with her."

"Wait for real?! You two were perfect for each other!" He was shocked by the news, of course you haven't told your best friend that your girlfriend- now ex had been getting dicked down by some random for awhile now. "She cheated on me."

"Oh-" He was taken aback by why you broke up with her. The silence after that was so loud.

"Can I be honest? She wasn't really worth it." He says, "…I don't blame you but- the fun we had." Yeah, you two had a lot of fun from various dates and all, couple stuff. "I can understand that. The process of getting over a breakup is hard." He pats your back in. "Say, have you even cleaned yourself or ate?"

"Uhm… I have got out of bed to get water and food, as well as using the bathroom but.. nothing else." You replied to him. "Say, why don't I help you. Take a shower real quick while I go make you something to eat, sounds good?" He offers. "Mmm, sure but- why?"

"Why not? I don't wanna see my best friend acting like a depressed high schooler." He chuckles, you two were in college by the way. "..Fair point." You agreed to his statement. "Alright, anything particular that you want?" He asked, "No not really." You say as you finally sit up from your bed. Lucas exits your room and heads to your kitchen to cook something. You then head to the shower to clean yourself up.

After half an hour, you exit the shower and changed into new clothes. Afterwards you headed to your kitchen where Lucas was almost finished with the food. He was making Galbi, how sweet! Well, of course he'd pick something 'meat' related though he can't get much energy from eating meat. Lucas takes notice of your presence, "Ah, food's almost done." He says. "Thanks again Lucas." You say as you make your way to your small dining table. Few minutes later Lucas comes over with two plates of Galbi, setting one in front of you. "Here you go." He says as he then sets his plate down and then sits across from M/n.

After eating, Lucas then went ahead and puts the dishes away. Lucas also offers to stay over which you gladly accept. You two were watching some random show on live TV, after an hour or so you then excuse yourself to use the bathroom. But once you came back you can see Lucas sitting there, sweating. "Lucas? You alright?" You asked.

"N-No I-.. shit I didn't think this would have happen so quick." He stutters out. You stare at him, worried but then you remembered, he needs blood. You have gave him your blood before, so this isn't nothing new to you. "Do… Do you need blood?" You ask.

"If that isn't too much to ask for, y-yeah." He says as he gets up. "Thought you said you had feasted awhile ago?"

"I thought so too but, I guess it wasn't enough." He sighs. "Do… Do you wanna sit down or just stand?" He asked. "Here is fine." You say. You then tilt your head to the side, opening your neck to Lucas. He then took the invitation and latched onto you, biting down on your neck. You held back from making any noises, he then pushes you against the wall as he drinks from you. After almost a minute you realize he was taking a bit too much but you really didn't mind but, you couldn't hold back anymore as a moan slipped out of you.

Both of you just froze, he stopped drinking from you as well. He then backs away and stares at you, "You-… You meant to do that did you?" He asked. You stayed silent for a second, but you got to admit, you do have a crush on him and you did find it hot. You nod to his answer as you look away out of embarrassment, your face clearly red. He lets out a chuckle, "You think I'm handsome huh?"

You nod, then he gently moves your head to look at him. He stares at you, "Well M/n, I do too." He then leans in for a kiss. You froze for a second, then embracing both him and the kiss, in which soon turned into a french kiss as he pushed his tongue into M/n's mouth. Lucas then puts his hand under M/n's shirt as his hand slowly inched his way to his chest. Then they both break away from their make out session, "You sure you wanna continue?" Lucas asked. You were hesitant at first but, your friend below had the answer. Lucas then grabbed the bulge that was in your pants as you let out a moan.

"I… Y-Yeah, yeah we can continue.." You say. Lucas smiles, then carrying you to your bedroom.

Looks like it was gonna be a long night for the two of you, making up for ignoring your friend for days. ----

I hope you enjoyed this! I am open for critique and suggestions to improve!

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, reading your posts made me realize I’m likely an INFJ in a terrible loop. For the last 6 months i’ve been reading about mbti I thought I was INTJ, and every test i tried said it too, but i didnt and still don’t understand Fe vs Te, even after reading your posts. But INFJ in a loop sounds a lot like me. So let’s go with that.

My auxiliary function is suffering. When I’m outside I have this tendency to observe people, the room, their behavior and enjoy dwelling in it, as if I’m reading a novel. It bothers me when someone says or acts rude, when a man bothers a woman like a creep.

In my head i’m so criticizing of other people. And if i’m not criticizing, im acting as if i can read everything about another person. I know this sounds horrible and very narcissistic, but i want to be honest to fix myself. And I know i’m doing this overthinking in social situations to defend myself by acting as if im superior.

But i just observe, i never interact. I havent talked to a single person in my class in university, since im a few years older (24 in a room of 21yo people). Even though i know if i want to socialize thats the right place. I start thinking: if i talk to them, they will get to know me, they will find that i failed or that i dont have a lot of my shit together, and then i will be judged. So why bother. And i know that its so flimsy and stupid. I only made one friend in my old uni before changing courses.

This is not only at university btw. I dont go out in the evenings, or try to meet new people, because i literally have no fucking idea of how to do it without looking like a misfit. My old friends are all very distant now, and while I know many people everything I never really dated, and while i have this insane void of emotional intimacy, i keep rationalising every attempt of experiencing life. I live in a shell.

And the fact i haven’t dated and i’m 24, is so scary. I’m not even ugly or that uninteresting or without hobbies, because people told me the opposite many times, but i dont know why i cant come out of my shell. This is not only about dating, but in general. Im always distant emotionally and end up thinking about it instead of living it. Because im a grown man scared of being judged for my smiles,tears and my love.

I think i have some trauma issues from my teens, when i talked to a girl on facebook for 2 years listening to her problems because i liked her, without ever approaching her irl (because i was a scared teenager idk why). It was a one way thing. I was basically her diary in human form. When i told her my feelings it was too late. After that i ended in a 1 yr depression, and it definitely marked me as a person. I never really opened myself emotionally with anyone else after. Maybe this is not even trauma, it actually feels demeaning to call it as such when other people have suffered more.

This post is a mess. Maybe im just overthinking, and you’ll probably read this and think i need therapy and/or im mistyped . But I really want to break these chains, and hearing an insight from someone who understand people very well could help.

------------------------

If I understand correctly, the main problem is you are closed off and unable to open up. It sounds like you are very afraid of socializing, most likely because you are afraid of being hurt by other people's negative judgments of you (it is a common problem related to unhealthy Fe). There are several factors that may be contributing to this problem:

- Low Self-Worth: You exhibit oversensitivity that arises from using other people's judgments to define your identity and/or determine your personal worth. If you're always worried about how you're being perceived, then you will of course feel anxious about interacting with anyone you're unsure about. This makes it very difficult to meet new people and expand your social circle.

- "Mindreading": You presume to know what others think, without any evidence, easily jumping straight to the worst case scenario. This is a defense mechanism that gives you a false sense of control, as though you're preparing yourself for the worst to happen. As such, you manage to talk yourself out of socializing, losing every opportunity to learn and grow socially.

- Unresolved Past: You've had negative relationship experiences in the past. When you don't resolve negative feelings, learn the right lessons from them, and consciously put the past behind you, you will take the past and project it into the future, expecting it to happen again. This means you are out of touch with reality because you never treat people as NEW people and give them the benefit of the doubt. You assume that people are out to hurt you and you build walls of protection, which conveniently prevents anyone from knowing you and getting close enough to want a relationship with you.

- Lack of Social Skills: It's hard to feel confident when you're incompetent. Even if you were to work up the courage to meet new people, it sounds like you would still lack the skills required to develop the relationship. Immature INFJs often suffer in relationships because of unrealistic ideas and/or unreasonable expectations, which is often related to faulty reasoning patterns (Ti loop). Social skills are called "skills" because anyone can learn and improve them. If you care about being a better version of yourself, you have to be honest about your deficits and apply yourself to learn the knowledge and skills that you need to move forward in life. See the recommended books on the resources page.

While it's possible to work on these issues on your own, it's the more difficult path to take. When you have a serious problem like social anxiety that prevents you from living the life you hope to live, then, yes, it is best to reach out for professional expertise and assistance. People aren't born knowing everything, so everyone needs help at some point and there is no shame in getting it. As long as you keep trying to convince yourself that your needs don't matter or that your problems aren't as serious or serious enough to warrant attention, you will continue to dig your own grave of unhappiness. How long do you want to go through life with these problems weighing you down and holding you back?

[arwenkenobi48]

I really need to be honest about how I’m feeling. I’m feeling really alone. I feel like I’ll never have an irl relationship with anyone, aside from platonic or professional ones and the knowledge of that is weighing very heavily on me because I want that so bad.

I need that. I don’t have anyone to hold me, nobody I can watch my favourite movies with. I don’t have anyone who I can make meals for, who can help me feel better when I’m having a flashback. I’d do anything just to have someone physically there to say they love me.

I’m starting to feel like I won’t find anyone who can fill that role and that it was wrong of me to expect to be loved when it’s genuinely such a foreign concept to me. It’s especially lonely because I feel like all of my irl friends have someone they can rely on for a kind of physical and emotional connection and I don’t. It all just feels so incredibly lonely.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than willing to share as much love as I can with a potential partner, but I just feel like I shouldn’t expect anything in return. Like I can give all I want but I’m not supposed to receive anything. I can’t sleep because I’ve been feeling so heartbroken that all I can do is cry my eyes out.

I’ve been wondering if my trauma is the reason I haven’t been able to find anyone yet or if there’s something wrong with me as a person. I feel like I’ve passed all the milestones where I was supposed to form a strong enough connection to consider committed relationships and now it’s too late. I’ve been struggling with feeing like I’m unworthy of being loved, but I feel like I won’t be, even if I am worthy.

My chest hurts when I think about it, like I can feel my heart physically breaking. I’ve been afraid to reach out to anyone because I’m worried that I’ll just be making things difficult and the few people I did try to reach out to didn’t respond. The bridge of Vincent by Don McLean is hitting really close to home rn. I just wish I knew what being loved felt like.

I wish I could actually form a close, stable bond with someone who I can feel comfortable and safe around, someone who I don’t have to hide anything from and who won’t use me. I wish I could just know what being consensually intimate with someone feels like. I want that and the closeness that comes with it more than anything else. But that feels like the one thing that I can’t possibly have.

There’s so many things in my life that I don’t currently have, but realistically I can see those circumstances changing for the better, even if it might take a little while. I don’t see that happening in this case and it genuinely breaks my heart to think about what that means.

I don’t know. I just hate how this feels. And I wish someone was here to dry my tears and cuddle me to sleep. I wish my religion didn’t prevent me from hooking up with people. I wish I passed better so that I wouldn’t have to break the news that I’m trans to people who might get the wrong end of the stick. I wish I wasn’t so financially unstable so I could afford to do nice things for/with others.

There’s just so much I wish I could do to make things better but ultimately I just don’t feel like any of it matters because nobody else will do the same for me. And if they did, I’d be so anxious about it being a lovebombing/manipulation tactic that I probably wouldn’t realise it even if it was genuine. I’m so scared of being used again. I’m exhausted from everything I’ve been through.

I know I’m not a saint by any means and I know I suck at communicating effectively and that I come across as either dry and unemotional or the opposite extreme. I’m so sorry for that. I just can’t stand this feeling anymore.

[microsuedemouse]

old manager:

coolest person I have ever worked for

gay

hates cops

told me when training me to feel free to be as rude to customers as I feel like the situation requires

like, would probably have erased the security footage and argued that it was wholly justified if I murdered a customer

honest to god I’ve spent the time since she left the business trying to figure out how to become irl friends with her

new manager:

probably a libertarian? at best? once mentioned j*rdan p*terson on to me in passing

has been reorganising shit on the computer/reformatting toolbars and menus in our used-daily programs and not explaining to anyone, making it very hard for me to solve minor problems on my own - I think the other girls are happy to leave anything and everything they don’t immediately know how to do to be someone else’s problem, but I do actually like to be able to do things when I can

keeps coming up with ‘new ideas’ to involve us in, which are very definitely not within the parameters of our jobs - e.g. this advertising idea I mentioned the other day, where he wants us (the part-timers) to help write and distribute ad copy, make professional connections, etc. He knows I’m a writer with an English degree, so he keeps saying ‘oh you’ll probably be good at this :)’ as if I am going to write copy for him without an explicit contract and fee for doing so!!! this is not my responsibility in any way!!!

AND ON THAT NOTE: his grammar is like nails on a chalkboard. I keep having to read notices he posts or emails he sends and I hate them. ESPECIALLY since I wrote up very professional, tidy email templates for everyone to use for the common emails we have to send. he ‘loved them’ but instead writes his own stupid messy emails with no periods, only commas. this guy told me he was gonna add copywriting services to his side business building websites… I pity his clients

usually uses microsoft’s notepad function to write notes for himself while working, and always tells me to close it (w/o saving) when I take over in the afternoon. today the notes read like nonsense to me, and I closed them as usual. then fifteen minutes later he called me like ‘oh by the way I left you some tasks in that notepad window!’ … he was breaking up constantly/otherwise largely inaudible due to calling from his BICYCLE in TRAFFIC, so if he asks why I didn’t do these tasks that I couldn’t make sense of even before I deleted them, I’ll just say I misunderstood him through the interference! 8)

generally: has been in charge for less than two weeks and is already making this previously SUPER chill job into a very annoying one

[brick-a-doodle-do]

BRICK! YOUR TURN!!!!!!!!!! HAVE MANY QUESTIONS!

You do not have to answer them all

I definitely didn't steal some of your questions because you ask really good questions and my brain struggled to think of any new ones...

favourite dsmp era?

what song do you think will be #1 on your spotify wrapped?

the reason you got into g/t?

favourite season?

chocolate or vanilla?

top 3 dsmp members (yes I'll make you pick 3 >:D)

a trope you wish came up more in gt/non g/t

favourite trope outside of gt

if you had a choice of a date, would you go to a restaurant or a movie?

favourite Broadway show (this is an essential question Brick)

do you believe in star signs and if they're accurate?

favourite head cannon you've come up with (gimme, gimmie, gimmie)

favourite c! ship? (any fandom and what one)

drawing or writing?

digital or traditional drawing?

acyrlic paint or water colour?

are you left handed or right handed? ambidextrous?

what's your or fav eye colour

first dsmp cc you watched?

Do you have YouTube Premium, or do you value money?

t!george & g!dream or g!george & t!dream?

favourite au in this fandom? If I don't get a link, Imma be sad.

If you could meet only one dsmp member irl, who would you meet?

thoughts on the people trying to speak to you about your cars extended warranty?

all time fav movie?

what's something you wished you received more of on your blog?

are you mad at me for poaching your questions?

and finally, have you ever had a secret account? (for any platform)

M A N Y W O R D S . . .

LOVE YOU GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG HI THANK YOU ILYSM !!!!!!

i will answer them all because you answered them all, it's only fair :D

pff that's totally fine, i was hoping you would cause some of these i have the answer for locked and loaded dsjfhgdnf

POGTOPIA!!! (AS OF RIGHT NOW) and I mean the pogtopia where techno and tommy are bonding, dream is teaming up with them to fight wars, tommy and sapnap and sam are making drugs, c!quackity hasn't gone all serious yet (i still love when he is don't get me wrong, you can't ever get a bad c!quackity), niki's helping commit arson and destroy a tower, like that shit is good and something i really enjoy. but pogtopia is on thin ice rn because of fucking pogtopia!wilbur, like i'm so pissed at him right now, leave tommy alone so he can bond with his friends :( ANSHDNF SORRY FOR THAT RAMBLE

oh gosh there's so many songs that i've listened to on repeat, i have a tendency to do that for certain events, no clue why,,,, but i think it'll probably be out of my league or the masochism tango. or some broadway song---i hope it's not the story of the phantom istg

dsmp, ngl. i've always liked that whole mini thing and didn't really know it was g/t (like you) but once i did, the first thing that popped up while scrolling this app on the g/t tag was dsmp g/t, and i think that's pretty funny because at the time i knew what the dsmp was but wasn't particularly interested in it, and i joined the fandom as soon as i saw those g/t posts. both fandoms helped each other lmaoo

fall primarily, but summer vibes can be nice

quackity, wilbur and george, they're my beloveds and i'll hold them close C: (in no specific order..)

i require more spider-man!tommy aus, i love them dearly. but as for tropes i kind of wish that there were more immortality fics without a happy ending. (spoilers for passerine and his curse of binding), pass!techno got to finish his life and hcob tommy got to live past 16, like that's a good ending (and let's be honest i sobbed at "there, nestled among the pink strands, delicate as a bird’s wing, was a single gray hair" but STILL for g/t, i want a fic where there's a colony in a craft store, because imagine the possibilities!!!! there's mini furniture in there, tons of things to make more furniture, and no matter how much they take, the store still gets to restock, because who would think a rat would take crafting supplies?

i'd probably go to a restaurant, but not a fancy one, because i really don't think that going to a movie theatre is all that romantic,,,

HAMILTON!! heathers is close behind, then probably rent and six :D

i kind of do, i can't say that i don't because yk there's no proof that they don't and there's a lot of things that make me think they do,,

ohhhh i don't think of headcannons ever,,, so i'm going to resort to using my own aus and my own worldbuilding session to give you this: curiosity!wilbur, after the two of them get out (:0), wilbur is extremely paranoid of doors, like he leaves the door to everyone's room cracked open, and hates leaving the house or going into it. the first time he went to tommy's house, it took techno dragging him in by the collar to get him inside, to which he was not happy,,

if it has to be a canon ship, then probably schlatt & quackity (at least i think it was canon) but again that's really based on lore so maybe karlnapity,,, anyway um for fanon, tnt duo is always >>> (can you tell i like quackity? lmao) and i in no way want them to get together, i just want that awkward romance, the whole thing with wilbur being for it and quackity being entirely unamused, i love that

writing, can't draw for the life of me lmao

traditional if i don't have a stylus

probably acrylic

i'm left handed!! :D

my eyes are brown and i like maroon-y eyes (looking at you wilbur, quackity, and george)

i actually have no fucking clue, i've been trying to remember for a good half a year now. i'm going to go see if i can find it and update you,,,,, okay nope i can't find it. but it's gotta be ranboo, there's no way it's not---i watched him so early, he's the first cc i followed on twitch AND the first cc i subbed to on youtube so it's gotta be him. i can very briefly recall watching something that looked a lot like lore (or at least they were on the server) and it was when i was searching up dsmp content, and i've narrowed that video down to one of three people: tommy, george, or one of those dsmp channels that follows lore. not sure which it was, don't think i ever will :'D

i value money, i'm not sure why someone would ever want youtube premium

ooooh that's a hard one, i think i'm going to say t!george and g!dream, the classic. but that's not to say that i don't love a t!dream

ooohohohoh okay hmm a classic answer would be tiny streamer au by @.corysmiles because who doesn't like a good ol' classic au? :D hmm close to that is supervillain and super...tiny? also by cory cause the interaction between tommy & wilbur in chapter two is just JSHGDNF /pos AND OH I FORGOT SUPERMARKET AU!! THAT FUCKING THING IS SUCH /VPOS IT'S JUST THE BEST THING TO EVER EXIST!! and lastly giant foster au. all basic answers because my g/t interest stays confined to tumblr and only this circle of creators lmaoo

honestly i really wouldn't want to meet any of them cuz idk social things but probably quackity, he seems genuinely so sweet, then maybe tommy? i think he'd be really easy to talk to :D

...............

ooh that's so difficult!!! :( but i think it's going to be the fear street trilogy, and if you want a specific movie, then fear street: 1978 (the second one) cause C'MON ITS SO GOOD!! and IT is always top tier for me despite the movie being shit,,,,

honestly i don't rlly know, because i get asks both when i'm asking and i'm not asking, and i think i get a pretty good amount of attention on my fics, there's not really a thing i would change :D because my goal was 100 followers and now i've achieved that, so i'm just kinda vibing here now,,

no i'd never be mad at you, these questions are lovely :D

*looks at this account* okay but seriously speaking, no one irl knows of this account,, and as for secret to this community, i did have a sideblog for a bit to interact with another one of my interests but i decided to get rid of it C:

BECKY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THESE!!!! I LOVE ANSWERING QUESTIONS >:DDD

[justabunchofdragons]

Well akdnsjd idk I'm just curious what like your life was like? Like what hobbies did you have, what was your house/apartment/living space like? Did you have any plants? What were your friends like? (I feel like. That's a lot akdnjsns sry)

>:D theo you've unlocked chaos ramble mode™️ buckle up im about to talk for half n hour

ok. im not gna lie and say i was overly interesting. also i won't make shit up. some stuff i literally don't remember because source (well. the fic) was fuzzy about details & also this was 4 yrs ago.. did not have a diary back then to record stuff but i will try to answer as best i can :D

so. !! i ran away from home at 16 ! not completely sure why. racking my brains and coming up blank. dropped outta school and met . sherlock.. sigh. on a train to london. he figured out everything about me in like 2 seconds which was. really fucking weird. my sherlock needed to learn some people skills.

anyway i think we parted ways after that and i must've lived somewhere close to them (don't remember that part.) because somehow i got johns number. dunno if i knew sherlock & john were flatmates but i called john when i got stabbed. why not the ambulance you ask!! well i was 16 and scared. also this is slightly off topic but i remember (as a irl memory not an exomem) old host spending like half an hour finding an alley on google maps that was a short enough drive from 221b that i wouldn't. u know. die. before john got there.

why did i say all of that. oh yeah. !! i was homeless for a bit. teach me to run away to london /j. after i got .u know. john either took me in or 221a did. something like that. got to know lestrade & co. etc etc. dont think i had any plants. everything was very. intense. plants probably wouldve just died.

didn't have any friends 😔 it was absolutely not healthy for me to only be talking to 25+ yr olds.but im gna be honest. that was an oversight on old hosts part. shoulda written better fic 🙄. kgkgjgkf. uhmm i feel like there was a creepy boyfriend at some point...? after my ordeal with moriarty (not getting into that. i think that part was testing how much trauma would fit into one person without killing them) he tried to get back w me and i punched him in the face. i remember walking back to the office with a new coffee and a black eye and literally i was the "you should see the other guy" trope

also id like to clarify i pretty much always looked like shit. never got any decent sleep. definitely. OH SHIT. I JUST REMEMBERED. sherlock let me take drugs one time. that was so shitty of him wtf john yelled for DAYS. oh my gosh. that was why i think someone forcibly stopped us watching sherlock actually. it was. not a good time in our life & constantly thinking abt taking drugs was Not good. holy shit. epiphanies at 11.30pm i wasn't prepared for

[ravenveenova97]

IRL Pokémon Journey (Part 1)

(this is the first song i chose to listen to wile wile wrighting this, you dont have to lissen to it wile u read but it sets the mood)

It was a calm night in the middle of spring and I left mine to just get out of the house to reflect on everything in my life, so I took a strole down to my local riverside, as I'm looking up into the clear night sky and took a deep breath of the cool night air “i love nights like these so peaceful and no people around” I'm happily walking down past the park to get to the bridge that crosses over a rail way witch i normally come to if things get bad at home, I would just stand there and look at the rail and be optimistic saying to myself one day I be moving forward in my life just like these lines, as you can't tell this is on earth the world we all live in today full of war and hate crimes and bad news all over the tv that one country determined to destroy the next, I hate it here and I feel like I was borne into the wrong world half the time like I wasn’t meant to be here, I'm not the only one though that feels that way I have a very close friend I've grown up with for just about 20 years and she feels the same way I do, like we were not meant to be here. 

Not saying growing up was bad it was a lot of fun but gradually like with all people when they grow up your life just starts to full apart we all go through this in our life time but to be honest it like I'm living ground hog day same stuff different day, plus my romantic life is non-existent it's been over a year now and I'm now starting to feel the loneliness and missing the intermont side of things, that’s not the sex though more the cuddling up and kissing someone you love and feeling safe in their arms, it makes me sad most of the time and there are nights were I just cry because I'm feel so alone with so much love to give but no one to give it too, iv not been very good at choosing men to love they were ever violent or they mentally fucked me up, so I gave up on finding love even though I crave it but I know the kind of man i want don’t exist, you can say I'm picky and my standards are too high but that was never the case I settled for the bare minimum and look where that got me, full of messed up mental problems so I can see why my standards are high now. 

After I mentally reflected on the rail bridge while looking at the rail lines i continued down my path and soon reaching the riverside, the tide was in and the moon illuminated the howl area so I lessened to all the waves washing upon land as I made my way to blurs Walf, it’s a big open area like a pier were it goes out into the water and when I arrive I walk to the edge and just sit down. 

I look up into the sky and sigh to myself “life.....what's the point of living it if nothing good ever happens to me” I become sadden and look down at my hands and start picking the skin on the side of my finger “is there any point of living to continue with my life here in this world.........i just wish I could be somewhere else but here” I've really have reached my rope in this world I'm not happy and I've tried to do things to make it better but no matter what I do something always comes along and destroyes my peace........it's not like I just want to end my life I still want to live I still want to be alive and the only reason why I've got this far is because of my sister I could never just leave her in this world on her own, I wouldn’t want to put her threw that pain and have her walk the dark path alone she made me promise to not off myself the day I was close too, but the thing is when I was going to do it I had a flicker of hope that things will get better for me so I didn’t end up doing it, I guess I was scared to end my life I was scared of all the people I love would be left behind and suffer if I was gone. 

It's not easy being suicidal but also having the will to live to not die to keep going as there could be a bright light at the end of the tunnel just waiting for me and if I gave everything up I wouldn’t get to that light, I continue to contemplate on things as my legs dangle of the edge of the pier and I'm kicking them out while looking up into the night sky seeing all the stars out and twinkling away “i guess there one thing I love about this world.......and that’s the way the starts and moon glow in the sky” a small smile creeps on my face as the moon shines down on me and having the stars twinkle above my head “so this is where you got to sis” I look round and i see my friend and sister Kim standing behind me “heheheheh yer sorry to make you worrie........i needed a walk” she smiles softly and sits down next to me and also dangles her legs of the side and looks into the night sky “it's a beautiful night agen” I smile and nod as we both look up “hay sis remember we spoke about being in the Pokémon world.........i know it's not posable but if by some myrical do you think a portal will open up for us so we can go there and leave our old life's behind” Kim looks at me and giggles a little “that would be great if that was posable and I know the first person you go to wile getting there” I look at her and laugh “hahahahh ow really who would it be” she smiles brightly and winks at me. 

“well it be either Jacq or Arven right” I chuckle at that and smile to myself as there the two I've fallen hard for iv even wrote a fanfic where I grew up with Jacq and I was he's childhood friend but ended up leaving Paldea coz of my parents with my sis Kim, I was so in love with him that in the fanfic I got with him and also Arven my MC’s name was Raven and everything that happens in that fanfic traumatically is a little glimpse into my actual life.......how I suffered but threw out it I fell deeply in love with both of them, Arven was the first from Violet and then Jacq soon after, I didn’t plan to make him my Mc’s boyfriend I was just going to keep him as a friend but slowly I felt the need to have him too but I didn’t know how hard I loved that non-existent man, there was rumours going about he was going to be a villain in the next Violet update the indigo disk and it hurt me to see people think of him like that knowing he's a kind genital soul and wouldn’t hurt anyone, I remembered crying over it. 

But that wasn’t the only time as soon as the teal mask was released I brought the DLC and played it and that unova teacher Brier when she called him charming my heart hit the floor, I was scared I would lose him to her so I refused to play the DLC and cried for three days strate, but all it took was my friend to send me an image that you go on a little picknick date with Jacq and that gave me the courage to finish the DLC in one sitting I might add hahahahahah, but yer it was then that I truly grew fond of Jacq so everything changed in my fanfic leading up to the first DLC, I know he's not real and its stupid to be in love with a Pokémon dude but..........i just couldn’t bring myself to fall in love with a real life man anymore......i have my reasons and I know people will ether judge me or call me dilutional but I know the differences from reality and fantasy and I know I never see him in real life. 

After my sister said that I just chuckled and looked out into the water that was hitting the side of the wall “hahahaha I guess your right” but I soon became sad and sighed “sis what wrong” I smile wirily and griped my hands “i don’t know, if its anything like the games im sure there both be in a relationship........Jacq with Brier and.......Arven with Jullianna” Kim smiles softly at me and moves a little bit closer to me and takes my hand into hers “well what about the others you like? You have Leon and Raihan plus your bad boy Guzma” I just lightly chuckle to that and look at her “i think there be taken too.........there no way I can compete with Sonia and Plum” Kim saw I was sad as she knows iv been alone for a while now, I let go of her hand and sigh and lay back so I'm looking up into the night sky “to be honest sis I think its best I remain alone........that way I can't get hurt again”  

Kim's eyes soften as she looks down at me “i guess........ok let's change the subject then, what would your team of six be?” I laugh at her infusiasem and answer “well I have to go with my Zoroark as my main partner of course as I love that Pokémon and have a deep fondness for them, I say my other five would be Dragapult but has to be a shiny then I go umbreon.......I would like a Flygon I've always loved them since ruby erm........i guess I go Gorgiest and lastly one of Jacq’s Pokémon Arcanine” Kim smiled at me and layed down with me too “well if by some Mirical one of us find that portal into the Pokémon world we tell each other ok” I turn my head to her and nod, living in the Pokémon world......that would be amazing and existing........I finally have a reason to wake up in the morning instead of sleeping my days away “well shall we head back home, I get us a few drinks and we have fun tonight what do you say” I sit up and nod at her, so we got up and made our way back home or so we thought. 

We walked the path back home and soon walked threw a tree canopy that’s on the path on the way back we were happily talking so it took us a while to relies that we were not coming out of it we walked for a while and I spoke up “sis we been walking through this for a while now and I don’t remember it taking this long to get out of it” Kim looked around her as well “i agree and is it me or have the trees become more thicker” I look to my side and nod but we both looked ahed and we saw moon light shining at the exist so we quickened out pace to reach it and soon steped out of the tree canopy and looked around “did we take a wrong turn......no we were walking in a strate line” I look behind me and the path we walked threw was gone and nothing but bushes “WAIT WAHT!”  

I ran over to where we walked out and there was no tunnel it just disappeared, just then we herd the bush rustle and looked at it “please don’t be a rat” I move back and then a black mass jumped out and me and Kim full back and land on our asses shielding ourselves with our arms, “Vollll” my eyes shoot wide open as I recognise that cry and so did Kim, we looked to what was standing behind us and our eyes widen “sis.......that’s” the little fox ran off and we looked at each other and shouted in unison “THAT WAS A FUCKING VULPIX” soon the realisation struck us and we got up and looked about properly “this........it's the wild area” Kim's voice broke as she said it and im shaking “were in the Gala reign” we stop in silence and take in the entire area, im stood there with tears streaming down my face “we made it........we’re finally here” I full to the floor as happy tiers stream down my face and im lathing threw them, Kim got super existed and was pointing out every Pokémon she saw. 

I eventually got up and wiped my tears away and we started to walk about taking everything in and I got existed “sis look it’s a Purloin eeeeee adorable” just then I get an idea that struck me I remember we talked about if we came here there could be a slim chance the Pokémon we chose would be in our bags, so I quickly opened my bag and I see six balls inside of it “sis check your bag” Kim opens her bag and gasps “I've got six pokeballs inside” I smile bright and then reach for my purse “i wonder if our money got converted too” as soon as I opened it notes exploded out from it and im stood there shocked “i don't remember having this much in side I swore I had £50 the rest of my money in my savings account and that a lot of money in it” I quickly get the money that exploded out and put it all into my bag, Kim did the same thing and it also happened to her “sis I think our money multiplied........” she got up all her money and we looked at each other and smiles grew on out face “WERE FUCKING RICH SIS HAHAHAHAHAHA” we hugged each other and Kim pulled away and got existed “ok we got the money pick a place to live” I giggle at her and I smile softly but it soon turned into a smirk “you're going to live in Spikmoth arn’t you” I fold my arms and look at her she smiles bright “you know it and I don’t have to guess for you, it be Hamerloke right” 

I laugh and nod at her “yer but you only want to live in Spikmoth because of piers right” she goes rosy cheeks and smiles “nothing gets past you dose it” I giggle and shake my head “well at least we won't be living far from each other so that’s a bonus” Kim giggles and walks off with a smirk on her face and I follow her “sooooo.......who you choosing sis, Leon or Raihan” I end up blushing super hard and bring my hands up to my face to hide how red I've gone “sis don’t tease me like this, if I ever saw either of them I think I die right on the spot” Kim lathed at my reaction and walked back up to me as I was behind a little “or you got Hop.......that's if he's of age that is” I just keped on getting more and more red in the face and I shook my head “no I can't see them I....i....i might pass out "Kim continued to lath at me but she soon became serious “ok so were in the Pokémon world now......so sis from now on call me Kio ok” I look at her and nod “and were biological sister too” I smile bright at her and get a little giddy “ok so what name would you like to be called I know you have a few being Raven,Nova or Vee but witch one” I think for a bit I could go by any of those names but Raven is my paldea MC and Nova is what Arven calls me and Vee is Jacq’s......i need a new name to go by, I look into the Gala night sky and look at the moon “how about Ayla......it means moonlight” Kio smiles at me and puts her arm around my shoulder “ok then I call you that from now on then” I giggle and we walk thither into the wild area from where the portal spat us out and we make our way to Mokastoke all the way to the Budew inn to get a room for the next couple of weeks till we found our own place to live at, once we got our key cards we opened the door and walked into our twin room “it's nice in here” I look about and see the beds and grin “i hope these are soft.......well one way to find out” I ran for the bed and jumped on it and I started to sink in a little, I started to lath and was happily rolling around on it “hahahahah its swishy, I love it”  

Kio lathed and did the same thing, we were both happily lathing away and after a while I calmed down and was hanging upside down off the edge of the bed and looked at the balcony door, my eyes soften as I feel happy emotions well up inside me and I see that the street lamps were glowing outside and there was three little Rokidi’s sat outside on the balcony pole sleeping away, I slowly move my hands up to my face and pinch my cheeks “nope it's not a dream......were actually here.....we finally found the Pokémon world” Kio sighs in happiness and sits up from laying down “we sure did.......we can make a new life here and be happy” I nod then sit back up and look at her “so what's the first thing we going to do” she smiles happily at me and she lays down on her side “i guess we have to find a place to live” just then she looked down at the clothes she was wearing and giggled “and maybe a style change too, so looks like we need to go clothe shopping.......any idea what you're going to do with your look”  

I think and move over to my bag that was on the floor on the bottom of the bed and reached my hand in to get my phone but I was shocked to find another one in side “er sis I have two phones” Kio shoots up and lunches herself across the room to were her bag was hanging up “ow shit we do have two phones......this is a Rotom phone” I see the one she holding and I look at mine “hahahahah ours are different colours” I show her mine that was a pastel purple and she looked at her one “mines is Phthalo blue that’s so cool, any way back to our styles” Kio walks back over to her bed and plonks herself on the edge of it “well I like to go cute pastel and maybe a little alternative.........i also like to change my hair colour......and my eyes, im guessing you're going to be wearing all black” Kio nods at me “yep I live in black hahahahha so might as well, I do the same as you but more gothic alternative” I giggle as we both have similar tase but yet so different styles, so she be in all moody colours were I be in bright bubbly colours, hehehehehe I've always liked that were so night and day but its why we get along so well “well sis we got a big day ahead of us tomorrow so we should get some sleep” 

I nod at her and then look at myself “you don’t mind if I sleep in my top and underwear for tonight do you” Kio lathed and took off her black skinny jeans “pretty much what I'm doing tonight so knock yourself out, we get some pjs tomorrow and a few other bits” I smile and get out of my blue high waisted skinny's and got into bed, I  pulled out one of the pillows from under me and hugged it “well night sis, let's start our Pokémon journey together in the morning” I giggle at her and said night, Kio drifted off fast, must have been all the excitement to finally be here..........i wonder if we meet the three tomorrow......I wonder what Jacq and Arven are doing right now, after that last thought floats around in my head my eyes grew heavy and I closed them, I'm happy to finally be here but I hope my mum will be ok.........good night mum I love you........and it all faded to darkness. 

[filliteapot]

hi! I really like your personal posts, I sometimes can relate to them so I don't feel so alone. I hope is it not out of the line for me to ask this, but do you also feel like so lonely even tho having people you'd call friends? i blame that when growing up since i never voiced my emotions and feelings and thoughts and showed people who i am i created this barrier between people even if we are friends so something like offering emotional support is like so foreign to me cause i never asked for it

"I never had that many friends growing up so I learned to be okay with just me", Priscilla Ahn sings, and I'm like "wow this is me". I had a childhood friend (we went different ways after school and our connection dissipated with time, which is completely okay), and I spent much time with family, mostly with my grandmother and cousins who lived with us then (they also left my side and we don't talk much anymore). So, basically I was always pretty much lonely, but thanks to family I never really felt like an outcast while being one at school, and I'm forever grateful to them. Maybe it did some disservice to my social skills later, but I don't wanna erase that feeling of comfort and acceptance I felt with them, even if they probably didn't feel the same way.

I understand what you are saying about not voicing your emotions and creating a barrier, but it seems to me a logical and natural reaction to the world that seems hostile while you don't have much courage and certitude you'll be accepted if you come as you are. I kinda did that too. But I was always like, rebelling against the idea I have to change to fit in. So I guess in the end I became a weird mix of someone who doesn't want conflicts and thus isn't honest with people about my actual (negative) feelings and emotions, and at the same time someone who just can't and doesn't want to fit in. It's difficult, haha. I have no idea how to live this life and make things work out being this mix of the opposites but I'm trying.

I can't say I have any friends by my side tbh. I cherish my online connections with people who live far away from me, but last year made some corrections about the way I feel about them too. I tried to open up a bit, for the first time in my life for real, and was brutally shut up by those I sought help from, but then I realized I expected too much from people and kinda put them on a pedestal, as if they were all mighty and way better than me at communication and able to give me the support I needed, while they suffered as much as me and it was obviously a mistake to wish someone in such state to save you from loneliness. I realized that we are all not so much different in this regard, and that I belittled myself for nothing. In short, I got hurt, closed up agan and kinda gave up. I used the only tools I knew to get better - work, fiction and art, and they helped me to remember what it was like, to be myself who was okay to be alone without feeling incomplete.

To be sincere, I do want friends and people I can be myself with. I want to spend time with someone irl. And I know for sure it's not gonna be easy for someone like me, who is so closed up and not really believing it's possible for me. Making that possible requires opening up, making mistakes, losing faith, getting hurt again and again, and I don't wanna go through this all now, so I decided to give myself as much time with just me as I need, to recover a bit, to know myself better. I actually think that making peace with yourself is crucial for communication with others, so I'm not gonna rush things. I'm just trying to make myself my own friend while waiting for some new turn of life that will bring someone from the outside to me. Nothing good ever came out of my desire to get my inner problems solved by someone else, and I don't want to put that responsibility on others, to hate them for not being able to do it. So I'm trying to sort it all out by myself, without changing the most important things about my personality and what I love and what I believe tho.

Sending you good waves for these inner struggles! Hope things will work out for you. I'm glad my ramblings are somehow useful.

[scourgethewhorehog]

long post abt social spaces specifically online and offline, unrelated to any recent events so don't put words in my mouth it just is part of me reflecting on trauma shit+ journaling + understanding why i lacked boundaries for so long and trying to sympathize with why other people may Also lack boundaries even if it doesnt , excuse certain shit

man does anyone else realize that condemning people as evil or dismissing them or insisting they are inherently bad to continue existence in a way they feel doesnt align to their worldview for things that dont actually cause harm on other people and are actually decent outlets to redirect traumatic experiences n passing judgement on them to the point theyre isolated to an incredibly small group of people to seek acceptance actually makes everyone worse off

and makes people question themselves and their morals to the point they eventually give up on trying to be a good person and actual bad people use this to infiltrate these groups of rejected traumatized people because of this us vs them mentality that comes from being rejected by wider society both by virtue of a lot of these ppl experiencing irl oppression 98% of the time and also have to deal from rejection even from any support group they may have to help them deal with very real life issues because everyone is inventing online problems and reasons to ostracize people more for like what for power for feeling like theyre better themselves in the face of all they also face in real life...

anyways this is just me thinking of how many people i see from a distance that have so much common ground with me and otherwise would be fine to be around but would hate me for being like a dirty evil queer with the kind of autism that isnt cute enough for tiktok who doesnt understand social cues or having the wrong kind of system or too bizarre of an identity as it is so when someone who comes along that checks so many of the boxes of just at least not fucking hating you you put up with So much shit. and thats what lead to like half of the abusive close relationships we've been in babey!

and when you talk to people outside of these circles, trying to get away from all the people who hurt you in them, there is subtle victim blaming, recovery spaces admonish you for having been in these spaces in the first place, insisting if you hadnt been who youve been you wouldnt be around these Inherently Bad people....

it doesnt help that in real life we did Everything right to not be the Bad Child, never dyed our hair until recently when we had enough, and never spoke out and paid all our bills on time and most gay people are disgusting perverts but youre quiet enough and never come out to your parents friends and never are too loud about it even if youre dying inside and want to cry when you have to say your partner is just your friend whose coming over because its a death sentence, god forbid we get into gender because even if we're trans in the end its just some sort of dykefag anyways and nothing gets acknowledged except the same imagined scenario of like. being a dirty depraved sex pervert even if you struggle to touch other people and are terrified to tell anyone about that.

being an assumed danger to other people no matter how harmless you are sucks. its like, i come online to all these people where, at surface level expression, maybe would like me, because physically everyone near me wouldn't if i was half honest, but i'm still too much for them too now and i'm left feeling exactly like i do day to day. the internet isn't really escapism anymore its the same shit with a new coat of paint. i go through life thinking these people are good people and would be cool in any other circumstance, and i wish them the best, but the minute i am me i am a problem and something is wrong and all the kindness and good will they have and their favorite dessert and birthday and the things i recognize of them and love and care about wont matter anymore because i stopped being a person to them, and it happens to me online now too! and that sort of blows but at least i actually have real friends now who are like family and ill count my blessings on that.

[decrheart-a]

HOW WE VIBE HERE ON dcarheart

SPEED.

Definitely sporadic. All depending upon various things such as mood, inspiration and/or how busy I am in irl. Sometimes you might see me on the dash but don’t expect instant replies for threads or IMs. I might only be in the mood to be on the dash and have fun there or I might just find it easier to talk to certain people. Some days, I will only have muse for certain threads and specific people and that’s okay too. I’m just here to have fun and answer what I feel in the mood for. I will always get back to someone, just don’t expect an instant response.

REPLIES.

For the most part, I’m always trying to match my partner’s replies, especially at the beginning of writing together. I usually use this small font including bold and italics. I like how the small font looks and the bold and italics is just to help emphasize things. However, if it states in someone’s rules otherwise, I would be more than happy to adjust. If I’m no longer feeling a thread, and it’s been like weeks and I know it’s not coming back to me, I'll drop it and ask for new ones. 

STARTERS.

I would honestly prefer switching off for writing starters. I just get tired of always being the one writing them and I feel weird asking the other if they could do it, idky. Sometimes I get excited and am more than happy to write them but other times it’s just tiring and since I’m an OC and multimuse, I feel like I always have to prove something which isn’t fun. If we’ve been writing together for a while now and you ever want to make a starter about any ideas you have, I highly encourage you to write one, that would make my day! As for starter calls, I don’t really do them because they don’t usually get any response. I also prefer pre-established relationships, I find first meetings to be a bit flat. However, I’m not about assuming anything of anyone’s muses and vise versa, I prefer to plot things out first.

INBOX.

I highly encourage people to send me meme’s whenever they wish. Ooo and please send me meme’s if it’s like a short thread for fun for something  ( I hope that makes sense smh ), I honestly live for those!! I really don’t get enough memes and just really love them if you can’t tell lol. I won’t guarantee I’ll answer everything or have the muse to do so but just know seeing something in my inbox definitely makes my day. 

SELECTIVITY.

Relatively selective. That’s just to keep everything sane for myself and my dash since I get overwhelmed easily. 

WISHLIST.

throws like it’s confetti  spoiler: it’s mostly shippy stuff

HONEST NOTE.

This is a hobby, not a jobby. I’m here to have fun and make new friends, even though I’m super nervous to reach out to people. I’m talking about sending random meme’s, cheerfully talking about random ass headcanons at random points of the day, random starters if we’ve plotted a lot, sharing each other’s pinte.rest and a lot of ooc talk. I’m more interested in threads with others I’ve grown close with ooc, however, this isn’t a necessity especially if you aren’t comfortable with that. Just have fun and there’s no need to be shy. I’m a fellow nerd looking for fun! Side note, I’ve been on and off this site for eight years. Sometimes I need a long break from here but all in all have always come back. Why? Who’s to say?

TAGGEDSTOLEN FROM: @undecimusor TAGGING:   anyone who wants to do this

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

how to fake date your best friend | jake sim

✰ summary: the rules were simple -

pretend to be the boyfriend of you, his best friend who wants the attention of their crush, for a week and a week only

no kissing (bc gross cooties amirite) allowed, unless needed in times of desperate measure 

and no matter what, absolutely, most definitely, do not fall in love. 

simple, right?

well apparently not. because news flash––jake's already broken one of the rules. 

and to give you a hint, it's neither rule 1 or 2.

✰ pairing: jake sim x y/n [ft. members of enha!] 

✰ genre: fluff, comedy | fakingdating!au, highschool!au, bestfriend!au, friends to lovers

✰ warnings: cursing, high-schoolers doing dumb highschool things, underage drinking (pls don’t actually do any of this irl), jake being a certified simp, it’s LONG (i’m so sorry), cheesy kithes bc im a sucker for kithes ( ˘ ³˘)♥

✰ wc: a whopping 9.5k

✰ a/n: it’s finally finished :’)))))) it ended up being much longer than i wanted but i had so much fun writing the characters that i got carried away lolol anywaysss i hope you guys enjoy it,,,i got a little unmotivated during the process bc i didn’t know if it was good or not but here it is heh (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡ 

Tuesday, December 8th

Jake Sim lives a simple life. 

He likes to think he leads the normal, stereotypical life of a teenage boy. Has decent grades, plays soccer after school, skateboards around the neighborhood, has a best friend who he’s desperately in love with, and has a stable group of friends. 

Okay, maybe not so simple, because this boy would physically launch himself to the moon and drill at its surface to collect moon dust for you if you asked him to––despite his deadly fear of combusting in outer space. 

But that fear doesn’t even compare to his worst one yet: not having you in his life. 

And so, he decided to just repress any and all feelings he’s had for you ever since he discovered them in middle school, when he realized he hated seeing you go to the eighth grade dance with a date––that wasn’t him. 

He decided that he wasn’t going to risk losing a life-long friendship over some dumb, teenage boy feelings. 

They were probably powered by his testosterone anyways. Yeah, that’s totally it.

He’s totally not in love with you. 

So yes, he lives a pretty normal life. Every day is the same as the last, and tomorrow will be the same as today. But he likes it like that––he doesn’t want anything to change. 

Especially not now, when he finds himself content with every aspect of his life (okay maybe except for his history grade, god, does he hate history). 

So, it catches him off guard when you arrive at the group’s usual lunch table, located outside in your school’s courtyard, looking as excited as ever. 

Jake’s the only one at the table so far. The remaining usually showed up late––Heeseung spends his first half of lunch tutoring freshmen for community service hours (but the poor boy has no idea what he’s doing), Sunghoon is probably stuck in line in the cafeteria again (he always forgets to pack his own lunch), and Jay is...well actually, no one ever knows where Jay comes from. He’s a special one. 

It catches Jake even more off guard when you skip over any greeting a normal person would give, and start speaking at one hundred words per second. 

And that catches us up to the present.

“Y-You want me to what?” Jake’s stuttering as you stare at him with your hopeful eyes from across the lunch table. 

Despite the expression planted on your face, which screams your excitement for your “brilliant, amazing, genius, Einstein-could-never” idea (or whatever other words you used to describe it––Jake can’t exactly recall the specific terms you used, they all came out of your mouth too fast), you don’t respond to his question of bafflement. You continue to stare at him, awaiting his response. Jake could compare the look on your face right now to a puppy looking up at its owner, eagerly waiting for a treat. You know, tongue out and all. 

He swallows the lump that’s lodged in this throat (is that the sandwich he’s having, or his nerves?) and continues to give you his look of confusion laced with a nervous smile because surely, you’re joking. 

You grab what’s left of your sandwich from his hands and take your own bite. Somewhere in between you arriving at the table and now, Jake’s managed to steal the sandwich you brought today. You did make the best chicken sandwiches, in his defense. 

“Well? It’s only for the week! And I promise you, after one week, if nothing happens––if he doesn’t make a move or anything––I’ll move on from him like you’ve been telling me to.” Your words are muffled from you savoring your sandwich, or what’s left of it anyways. (Mental note to self: don’t share your lunch with Jake ever again.) 

When Jake still doesn’t respond (you’ve truly gotten this poor boy paralyzed), you find it as a sign to continue. 

“I think it’s the perfect plan. Plus, if it doesn’t work out, it’ll be like the universe is telling me to finally move on, right?” 

Wrong. 

Jake has been encouraging you to move on from your crush because well, if we’re being honest here, he selfishly wants you to himself. Even if it wasn’t romantically.

Preferably, he would kill to get to be the one who holds your hand in the hall, call you cheesy pet names, post disgustingly cute couple pics for the ‘gram––but for the sake of potentially ruining his relationship with you, he’ll just have to settle with the role of being your best friend. 

(And he’s totally fine with that! Totally. Yup.) 

But he didn’t think that you moving on would only be a mere possible outcome (that may not even happen!) from whatever this stunt is you wanna pull. 

Said stunt: Pretend to date one another and hope it catches the eye of a certain someone you have your eye on: Park Sunghoon. 

Ah yes, Park Sunghoon. The previously mentioned one who’s probably still in line waiting to get his lunch as we speak. 

Park Sunghoon, the tall, kind, intelligent, charming young boy that everyone knows. And if anyone didn’t know him, they most definitely knew of him. He wasn’t hard to miss in the halls; everything about him just radiates perfection. 

If you plucked a random high-schooler from the halls of this school and interviewed them on the Park Sunghoon, they’d say you’d be lucky enough if the quiet boy so much as sparked a conversation with you, even if it was about what last night’s chemistry homework was. 

Well if that were true, then you and the rest of the boys would be considered lottery winners. 

How that happened, how the four of you dysfunctional beings earned his friendship, the world may never know. However, Jake is fully convinced that this was the universe’s way of playing a cruel joke on him. 

For as long as Jake could remember, it’s always been just the two of you. You and Jake. Jake and you. (With the exception of Heeseung and Jay, of course, who came along in middle school) 

In fact, your earliest memory of Jake was when he peed his pants in the kindergarten during nap time. You would know, you had the privilege of sharing a sleeping mat with him that one fateful day and in result...let’s just say the smell didn’t wear off from your clothes until a week later. Five-year-old you didn’t forgive five-year-old Jake for the longest time. 

And since then, you’ve been attached by the hip. And Jake liked it like that. Jake didn’t need anyone else in his life (with the exception of Leila) if he had you. He had found his home within you, and he didn’t plan on sharing his space anytime soon. 

Nevertheless, the universe had a completely different idea for the two of you. 

Sunghoon came into the picture last year, towards the end of the school year. Despite being the new kid, he found his way into your cherished friend group and naturally, the five of you grew as close as friends could be. 

That was the problem. Jake wanted to hate Sunghoon, to despise him for being the one that you had heart eyes for, but he couldn’t. 

Not only was Sunghoon one of Jake’s closest friends, but he didn’t want to ruin the dynamic of the friend group. After you, the three chaotic boys were the next most important people in Jake’s life. 

And so, we have the typical love triangle plot that every coming-of-age movie follows. Of course, this is all unbeknownst to you––you may be intelligent and a people-person, but oh boy can you not see the heart eyes your very own best friend has for you. 

“It’ll be easier than you think, really! Look, we can even set boundaries or rules or whatever,” you propose, as if you’re trying to get him to sign a contract. 

Rules to a fake relationship? We’re not living in a Netflix romcom, are we? 

“Okay rule number 1: it’ll only be for a week and a week only, rule number 2: we don’t have to do anything too couple-ly like...” you pause to wonder for a second. 

“Like PDA or anything! You know, unless we really need to convince him,” you casually add. When he responds with radio silence and stares at you with absolute concern painted all over his face, you cough. “Jake, I’m joking.” 

Right. Of course. Obviously. 

“And of course, just try not to fall in love with me, it’ll be hard, I know,” you send a playful wink his way. 

Too late. Turns out it’s not that hard. Jake would know. 

Jake continues to stare at you in hesitation. Yeah, you’ve had your fair share of crazy ideas (that Jake always find himself agreeing to––the poor boy just can’t seem to say no to you), but fake dating you?

Jake is sure he wouldn’t be able to pull it off without slowly destroying himself. He’d just have to say no, he’s sure you can find someone else to do it for you. 

Yes, that’s it, just say no. 

Jake has to keep some of his pride in tact. 

Jake does not say no. 

He doesn’t know what went wrong. His mind said one thing, but his words said another. 

To be fair, Jake’s actions have always been influenced by his heart, not his brain, anyways. And when it comes to you, you bet it’ll be coming from his heart. 

So here he was now, under the stare of three equally shocked and confused guys across from you and him at the lunch table, your fingers intertwined with his.

Just a few seconds ago, you had spotted the rest of the lunch bunch approaching the table, and you quickly grabbed Jake’s hand and scooted in closer to him.  

Now here you were, explaining to your friends of your sudden relationship.  

Jake is too zoned out to even physically pick up your explanation. Something along the lines of "we’ve been dating for a while but didn’t want to tell you guys yet." From the feeling of your hand clutched tightly into his and your body right up next to him, his mind was short-circuiting. 

How is he supposed to last an entire week of this if he couldn't handle innocent hand holding? Hand holding? God, what are we, back in the fifth grade?  

Two minutes into this scheme and Jake's mind has already downgraded itself to a fifth grader's.  

Jake mentally scolds himself for giving in, this was not a good idea. 

It takes Jake approximately 12 hours to conclude that this stunt of yours may, actually, be a good idea. He knows this because approximately 12 hours after the events surrounding lunch, he receives a text from you: 

y/n [12:03AM]: thanks again for doing this for me jake

y/n [12:03AM]: ur actually the best

y/n [12:04AM]: ew ok that was cheesy but really i owe u a big one <333

Following your thread of texts is a really close up photo of you widely smiling into the camera. A smile so big, Jake’s convinced your face was probably in pain after taking that picture. 

Anyone else might’ve thought the photo looked borderline insane but because Jake’s Jake, aka a simpᵗᵐ for you, he comes to the conclusion that it’s singlehandedly the cutest thing he’s ever seen in the entire world. 

After quickly saving the selfie into his phone, Jake tells himself that maybe this won’t be a bad thing after all. I mean, anything that makes you smile like that meant it has to be a good idea, right? 

Spoken like a true simp. 

Plus, dating you––fake dating you––is pretty much the same as it was before. He already spends most of his days with you to begin with. Now, it’s just with added displays of affection. For show, obviously. Obviously. 

And look, if Jake will never get to actually be with you, then he’ll take what he can get. And if that meant fake dating you, well, he reasons that it’s better than nothing at all. 

Wednesday, December 9th 

Jake’s playing with the rings on your right hand and you’re in the middle of dramatically telling the lunch table about the infuriating Karen you had to deal with at work the other day when Jay comes up with a grin you all know a little too well. 

“Okay that grin means one of two things: you finally grew the balls to ask out that poor girl you’ve been teasing all year or you have something planned that we won’t like,” you interrupt your story when you catch Jay’s sly expression, evoking a chuckle from Jake, who’s now found a new distraction with the bracelets perches on your wrist. 

“Excuse you, I’ll have you know that I did ask her out. It just so happens that she’s currently ‘in between boyfriends’ whatever that means. Ouch, by the way,” Jay feigns hurt from your comment by clutching the area above his heart through his shirt. Ever the drama queen. “But yes, I do have something planned. And no, it’s not a bad idea.” 

Jay squeezes his way in between Sunghoon and Heeseung from across you and begins to pull out his own lunch. Everyone’s eyes follow him as he settles in because as bad as his unknown idea may be, you’re all still curious on what this boy has to say. 

“Well are you going to elaborate or...” Heeseung speaks up for everyone after you all mentally debate one another through darting eyes on who’s going to have to bite Jay’s silent bait.

Jay then forcefully sets both hands on his table, which elicits a little jump from you as you go for a bite of your sandwich. Adorable, Jake tells himself. 

“My parents are out of town this weekend. We all know what that means...” 

Yes. We do know what that means. The four of you have seen this scenario play out many times, a little too many times for your own good. 

This meant one of Jay’s infamous house parties that he always throws whenever his parents go out of town. And because his parents are hot-shot CEOs of an important company whose name you don’t remember (it’s nothing personal, your brain can only handle so much information and this physics exam you were studying for took up 90% of your brain capacity at the moment), they’re out of town often. 

And along with Jay’s parties comes chaos. Lots of it. And that’s because...well, it’s safe to say that despite the many school-wide presentations the police officers of your school have held in the auditorium on why you shouldn’t drink underage, Jay’s parents’ liquor cabinet always seems to find itself missing many a few bottles after each party. But we don’t talk about that. Shush. 

Almost simultaneously, everyone at the table lets out a groan, much to Jay’s disappointment. 

“C’mon guys! It’s been a while since anything’s fun happened to this school, think of all the sad students in that building right now,” he extends a finger whole-ass arm and points at your school, “who are in dire need of fun and a little...” he punctuates his sentence with the hand motion of chugging down a drink, followed with a gulping sound elicited from his tongue clicking. 

You roll your eyes along with everyone else. Don’t be like Jay, kids. Listen to those police officers. 

“Jay, it’s midterm season! I have an exam on Monday and I definitely do not want to spend the nights before wasted,” you give him an apologetic look. As crazy as Jay is, you do feel bad nonetheless. The boy just wants to have fun. 

Your response is followed up with similar comments from around the table. 

“I’m helping y/n study” 

“I have an important skating performance on Sunday” 

“Uh...my hamster died?” (ok Heeseung panicked, don’t blame the guy)

Ignoring that last excuse of an excuse, Jay continues his debate nonetheless. “Just come for the sake of it! No one’s saying you have to get wasted. Pleaseeee for me?” 

Jay throws these parties so often, you’re not sure why he’s so set on making sure you’re all going to be there. Well, I guess who wouldn’t want their closest friends to be at their own party? 

That and, Jay needs to make sure his friends are there to stop him from doing anything stupid. We all know this boy has had enough embarrassing moments to last him a lifetime. 

Everyone at the table gives each other the same hesitant look. Heeseung is the first to give in, “Oh fuck it. Sure, count me in.” 

Jay’s fist pumping the air before turning to Sunghoon with the most hopeful eyes. 

Sunghoon simply sighs in return. “Alright okay, I’ll bite. But if you vomit on my shoes again, I’m out the door.” Jay’s finger is automatically drawing a cross over his heart as a promise to not ruin Sunghoon’s Nikes again. 

He then looks to you with puppy eyes. 

You, who's already staring back at Jay with a stoic look in your eyes, are stubborn and (unlike the previous weaklings) are not as easy to convince. And somehow, this began an unannounced staring contest between the two of you, a contest to see who would budge first. This isn't an uncommon occurrence between you and Jay, but the rest of the boys are still on the edges of their seats watching this duel.

Jake casually wraps an arm around your shoulder and you’re brought in close, but still undeterred from your death-stare match with the boy across from you. 

If it’s not obvious enough, Jake’s really gotten into his role of being your boyfriend, despite it only being 24 hours since he last froze at your touch. Character development, you’ll give him that. 

You almost forget he’s faking it for a quick second. And for an even quicker second, you imagine he wasn’t faking it. And you swear you feel butterflies in your stomach at that thought. 

Weird. 

You mentally shake the thought out of your head. Priorities first, aka, beating Jay in this staring contest. 

“Fuck,” you stutter when you finally blink, admitting defeat to a grinning Jay. “Okay, okay, I’ll THINK about it. I’ll let you know.” 

Not exactly the answer Jay was looking for, but he’ll take it. Better than a no. 

He turns to Jake next, knowing there’s no way Jake will turn down a party. Just like Jay, the boy loves himself a good party. 

But–

But because Jake would take your physics exam this Monday for you if you asked, because Jake would bungee jump in the Grand Canyon without a safety net below him if you asked, because Jake would fake date you to make your crush jealous for you if you asked, he doesn’t hesitate in his answer this time around: “Same as y/n, I’ll let you know.” 

Jay looks at Jake. Then back at you, who he’s still clinging onto like a koala to a tree. Then back at Jake. “You two are gross. Admittedly cute. But gross.” 

You look up at the boy next to you to see him already grinning at you. 

For the first time today, you find yourself agreeing with Jay. 

Admittedly cute. 

Thursday, December 10th 

You are having a bad day. 

You’re having the mother of bad days. 

Not only is it midterm season, but you still have all your regular weekly assignments to finish before Friday hits. So as a natural-born procrastinator does, you stayed up all last night trying to get a good amount of work done because what’s better than cramming all your work the night before it’s due? Doing it two nights before it’s due. 

Well apparently it wasn’t such a good idea. Because now, here you were, frantically throwing on whatever articles of clothing you find nearest to you because you slept through all your alarms. 

You’re lucky enough to make it through your school’s doors right as the second bell rings, even if you did look like you just walked straight out of a zombie apocalypse. 

You’re not so lucky when you find out your first class of the day, calculus, had a pop quiz. A pop quiz on the only unit you just happened to know absolutely nothing about. 

To top things off, you forgot to pack your lunch during this morning’s frenzy, meaning you’re automatically stuck sharing with Jake.

And because his mother started making him pack his own food out of a lesson of responsibility (she said something along the lines of: “Jake, you’re about to be in college and you don’t know how to pack a decent meal”), he only has a plain PB&J sandwich and a pack of Scooby-Doo gummies in his bag today (because newsflash, he still doesn’t know how to pack a decent meal). 

Not that you could care less at the moment, you were too preoccupied with catching up on your assignments to even eat. And if any of the boys noticed your zombie-like state during lunch, they did a good job of not mentioning it. They knew better than to bother an irritated y/n. 

Somehow, you make it through the entire school day and your after-school meeting for environmental club (save the trees!) in one piece. As you finally walk out of the school building, you exhale, automatically feeling lighter. At least the hard part of your day was done. 

Now you just had to wait for Jake to finish soccer practice, which usually ended around the same time as your club, and he can drive you home, where you can continue being irritated with your day in the privacy of your own space. 

You wait on the steps of the school’s entrance, waiting for a smiley Jake to come around the corner as he usually does at 5:30pm every Thursdays. 

Yes, a smiling Jake is exactly what you needed to make your day ten times better, you conclude. 

As if on cue, you hear a ding from your phone. 

Jake [5:30PM]: ugh coach is extending practice for “team bonding” 

Jake [5:30PM]: idek what team bonding is 

Jake [5:31PM]: you ok if i cant drive you today? :// 

It’s as if the universe decided to use you as its punching bag today. 

You physically let out a distorted groan, not caring if anyone who happened to hear you thought you were a creature from out of this world, as you send him a text back.

y/n [5:32PM]: it’s all good lol have fun with tEaM bOnDiNg

Things were not all good. But no matter how upset you may be, you weren’t going to project your negative vibes onto Jake’s naturally positive ones. So you get up from the stone steps and begin your dreaded walk back home. 

It’s freezing out. You should’ve known better to just throw on a hoodie and call it a day when it’s the middle of December. But then again, you figured by now you’d be in the comfort and warmth of Jake’s car and presence...not walking home in these freezing temperatures. 

You think about Jake and how he’s probably currently suffering from not only his team bonding exercises (but really though, what are team bonding exercises?), but doing them in this weather as well. The poor boy. 

You’re quickly broken out of your thoughts by the sound of a car engine from behind you. When you don’t see it pass by you and instead hear it pull over and park next to the curb of the sidewalk you’re currently on, you automatically deduce that this is it, this is my time, I’m about to get kidnapped by whoever it is behind me but y/n, you should probably turn around and check first before you drive yourself insane in this inner dialogue. 

You turn around and squint into the front window of the car. If it were a kidnapper, this is exactly what your mother told you not to do. Her exact words were: “Run, don’t look back, and scream bloody murder.” 

Good thing it wasn’t. Just an innocent Sunghoon waving his hand at you, motioning you to get in. 

“Sunghoon?” You approach his car and stop at the passenger side’s open window. 

“y/n! It’s freezing out, I’ll drive you home c’mon,” he nods his head towards the passenger side door. 

Well, how could you say no? Sunghoon owns a nice car. Like a nice car. Like car-seat-heaters-that-make-you-feel-like-you’re-physically-melting nice. Beats getting hypothermia outside, right? 

“Why are you going home from school so late?” You ask as you settle into his car, instantly melting at the touch of the aforementioned heated seats. 

“Debate club, actually. Decided I needed another personality trait other than ice skating,” he starts the engine and begins driving towards the direction of your neighborhood. 

You laugh at his comment, you didn’t peg him as a debate kind of student. Quiet Sunghoon? Debate club? If 2 plus 2 is four...

“Hey, I don’t call you the Ice Prince for nothing! Also, don’t forget your other personality trait: forgetting your lunch every day.” 

Sunghoon quickly glances over at you to send you a dirty look (because eyes on the road, kids!), which you return with a cheeky grin. “Need I remind you that was you today?” 

“Touché,” you click your tongue. 

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, the faint sound of Sunghoon's music in the background filling in the quietness.  

You’re humming along until Sunghoon breaks the silence, “Did Jake get stuck at practice again?” 

You don’t know why, but you swear you feel your heart beat faster at the mention of Jake’s name. No, that was always there right? Because you were with Sunghoon...your crush..obviously. Obviously. 

Ignoring the feeling, you turn your attention towards the boy driving you. 

“Oh yeah, something about team bonding. How’d you know?” 

“Eh, I just figured since he wasn’t driving you home like he always does.” He turns into your neighborhood. 

You nod at his answer. 

“You two make a good couple.” 

You whip your head at him. Did you hear him correctly?

“It was about time, really. You two have been ogling at one another for so long, Heeseung, Jay, and I almost placed bets on who would be the first to make a move.” 

He keeps his eyes on the road, casually going on about how you and Jake make the cutest couple he’s ever seen. 

You're frozen, unsure of what to think, let alone say. 

You think to two days ago, when you started this entire fake relationship because of the very boy driving you home right now. The same boy who's complimenting you on your fake relationship. The same boy who's supposed to be jealous over that said relationship. The same boy you’re supposed to be crushing over.

But now...only a mere 48 hours later, you were finding yourself okay with the fact that he was happy for you. And for the life of you, you couldn’t remember why you liked Sunghoon in the first place. Not saying he isn’t one to be crushed on, I mean, look at the guy. 

Maybe, just maybe, it had something to do with the fact that you didn't feel nervous or giddy or..anything at all when you got into the car with Sunghoon. At least, not until Jake's name was mentioned. That's when you felt the butterflies. At the mention of Jake.  

Jake. 

Weird. 

But before you can come to a conclusion on why you're feeling the way you do, Sunghoon interrupts your thoughts.  

"Well, we're here! Say hi to your parents for me," he pulls into your driveway as you're still collecting your thoughts.  

You give him a quick thanks and one last wave as you enter the front doors of your house.  

Seeing that your only solution towards confusing feelings meant distracting yourself, distract yourself you did.  

Even if it meant distracting yourself with your piling assignments.  

The next time you look up from your work, it's suddenly way past sundown and a heavy storm has taken over. You’re surprised it hasn’t started flooding yet with the amount of rainfall you were hearing. 

You check the time on your phone, the bright 8:16PM on the screen illuminating your dimly lit room. Seeing that neither of your parents have yet to be home from work, it looks like you were going to have to settle with some instant ramen for dinner tonight.  

As you trudge down the stairs of your home, the sound of light knocking against the front door catches your attention. It's been a long day y/n, you're probably hearing things, it's definitely just the rain.

Nope. There it is again, but much louder. Much more urgent.  

You contemplate any and all potential disasters that could happen from answering the door. Only a crazy person would be willing to go out in this hurricane-like weather to be frantically knocking on your door.  

And so, you assume it has to be some psychopath trying to get into your house. Yes, there’s definitely no other logical explanation. 

You scramble around your living room, looking for the next best weapon to defend you. Resorting to the flower vase your mother keeps on the table next to the front door, you hold it out in front of you, as if you're waiting for the door to burst open.  

The knocking continues, gradually getting louder. You mentally curse at yourself for dropping out of the taekwondo class your dad signed you up for when you were younger.  

Vase in hand, you swing open the door and brace for–

"Jake? What the fuck? Get in here, you're gonna get sick!"  

You’re suddenly aware of how stupid you look, holding a light pink vase with a couple of orchids as your only form of self-defense...for it to only be your own best friend. You immediately put it back on the table as Jake quickly rushes past you and into your humble abode.  

You close the door behind you and turn to face the soaked boy.  

“I come bearing gifts, also known as take-out and hot chocolate from that one cafe you love. Also my company, if you’ll take it. I had a feeling you weren’t having the best day today,” he’s simply standing there, holding up a large brown paper bag in one hand, and a deliciously smelling cup of hot chocolate in the other, but you’re looking at him as if he bought you the Moon. 

You stare in awe at the angel of a boy in front of you, silently thanking the stars for gifting you this amazing human being as your best friend. You don’t know what you did to deserve him. 

You give him a soft smile. “Jake, you didn’t have to. It’s practically a shitstorm out there,” you cock your head towards the window, showcasing the downpour of cats and dogs outside. Jake stays by the entrance as you go down the hall and through your house’s linen closet to find a spare towel for the drenched boy.

“Nah it’s no big deal, really. Just fulfilling my duties as your loyal boyfriend,” he grins, even though you can’t see him. He likes calling himself that. Your boyfriend.

Jake continues to shake his messy hair to get the excess rain off, giving a mental apology to whoever is going to have to mop up the puddle forming on the floor due to his unannounced visit. Probably you. 

Jake hears you laugh down the hall. “You’re really invested in your role, huh? Keep this up and you might actually trick me into believing you’re my actual boyfriend.” 

Actual boyfriend? Jake likes the sound of that. Maybe he will keep this up then.

Jake doesn’t have much experience in acting, unless you count that time he played the role of Town Villager #3 in the third grade play, so he never found it as one of his interests. But playing the role of your boyfriend was one he was willing to fulfill for the rest of life, even if it was just for show. 

Jake doesn’t respond to your comment, he’s instead self-aware of his blushing cheeks, thankful that you’re too busy rummaging through your linen closet to take notice. 

“Plus, you didn’t have lunch today and I had feeling you were going to be too caught up in your work to feed yourself anything other than instant ramen,” he sets down his gifts to you on your living room’s coffee table as you come around the corner, fresh towel and new set of clothes in hand. 

His eyes fall on the familiar looking pair of sweatpants and hoodie resting on the palms of your hands. 

Hm. A little too familiar. 

Then, it clicks in his head. 

His eyes narrow at you as you giggle at his reaction, “Oh, so it takes me getting drenched in the rain for you to finally return my clothes that I’ve been missing!?” 

“Hey! I’m not returning them, simply loaning them out to a friend who’s in dire need. You basically gifted them to me the second you left them here months ago.” 

“You’re annoying.” 

“Love you too,” you toss the clothes at him and take a seat on the floor around your coffee table, prepping the table with the boxes of Chinese food Jake supplied. 

After Jake changes into the stolen dry clothes, he takes a seat next to an already-eating you at the coffee table. 

“You. are. my lord and savior Sim Jaeyun,” you’re saying with your mouth full of fried rice. You sigh from satisfaction and rest your head against Jake’s shoulder as you continue chewing. He grins as he helps himself to his own serving of fried rice and orange chicken. 

You look up at him from your spot, “How was team bonding today?” 

Jake groans in response, clearly annoyed. “Stupid. I don’t get how doing trust falls and pyramid building is going to get us any closer. If anything, I almost FELL off that pyramid today!” 

You don’t know why, but you find yourself admiring him and his soft features as he continues to rant about one of his teammates, specifically, the one who almost dropped him. 

The way his messy hair, unkept from the rain ruining it, almost covers his eyes (but you tell yourself you like it this way, it looks more natural on him), the way the corners of his lips are always perked upwards (even when he’s ranting), the way his eyes sparkle whenever he’s truly passionate about whatever he’s talking about, the way his eyes look at you like–

“Stare much? Look, I get you can’t resist my good looks but at least be subtle about it,” he smirks at you as he takes another spoon of rice. 

You break out of his trance and scoff at him. 

“You’re cute when you rant,” you nonchalantly say as you move from your spot to mirror his actions and add more rice to your plate as well.  Jake’s stills at your sudden comment, unsure of how to respond. Lucky for him, you’re distracted by the mountain of food on your plate to even notice the blushing mess of a boy next to you. 

“You know, you’re lucky you’re cute. Or else I’d deck you right here and now for ditching me after school today.” 

Anddd there goes the moment. Leave it to you to follow up a compliment with a threat of violence. 

Jake finds it cute anyways. He always finds you cute. 

Jake narrows his eyes and lightly shoves you before an apology is written all over his face. “Sorry about that by the way. I feel awful about making you walk home when it was freezing out.” 

“Nah, it’s okay. Sunghoon gave me a ride, actually. Did you know he does debate? I guess you learn something new everyday,” you ramble, unaware of the boy next to you getting tense at the sudden mention of the other’s name. 

Up until now, Jake’s completely forgotten about Sunghoon's involvement in this entire scheme. In fact, the past 48 hours with you have felt so normal, so comfortable, he almost forgot about the deal in the first place.   “You think he has any clue?” Jake suddenly asks, referring to the plan. 

You immediately know what he’s referring to, as Jake practically worded out your very own thoughts. 

You shrug. “Not a single one. We’re practically William and Kate in his eyes. But honestly, that’s the least of my worries right now. I’m too distracted by my exams right now to care.” 

Jake feels guilty for being satisfied with your answer. He’s 100% sure that if convincing Sunghoon took you two an entire lifetime of fake dating, he’d be all too willing to do it. 

“Go to Jay’s party with me tomorrow,” he abruptly says, catching your attention as your mouth is stuffed. Cute. 

He pokes your cheek. “It’ll get your mind off of work and plus, what’s more convincing than showing up to a party with your amazing boyfriend?” he wiggles his eyebrows at you. Jake doesn’t know where he gets his sudden surge of confidence. But he does know he loves calling himself your boyfriend...even if it’s for the time being. 

Rolling your eyes and swatting his poking fingers away from your face, you ponder on his suggestion. 

“You mean my annoying boyfriend,” you stick your tongue out at him. Jake takes a mental picture and hopes it never leaves his mind. 

“But I guess you could be right. Maybe I can clear my head for the night before I study my ass off all weekend.” 

Friday, December 11th 

The party does not clear your mind. 

If anything, it gives you enough headaches to last you at least until the end of high-school. 

You come to this revelation as you and Jake approach Jay’s home, a luxurious mansion sitting at the end of a cul-de-sac, lined with similarly luxurious palaces, located in an equally luxurious neighborhood. 

You come to this revelation when you can already feel the pounding bass of music as you walk up Jay’s driveway. 

You come to this revelation when, not even two seconds after entering Jay’s front doors––

“You’re here!” A buzzed Jay shouts at the two of you, causing the both of you to contemplate your past choices that brought you here today. Jay definitely isn’t straight up drunk yet, but Jake still makes a mental note to keep an eye on him tonight. Just in case. 

The blonde-haired boy is quick to hand over two red solo cups of god knows what, to which you and Jake immediately put down on the nearest table after Jay walks away to greet the next incoming guests (you know, to not hurt his feelings). 

You and Jake are lucky enough to have been around Jay and his parties long enough to know that going all out at these parties will not be pretty the next morning.

You cringe at the memory of last year, when you had to suffer from possibly the worst hangover of all hangovers after one of Jay’s parties. Jake will never let you forget how miserable you looked the next morning. His camera roll’s album titled “y/n blackmail pics” can vouch for that.

“Remind me again to never listen to you,” you almost have to shout at Jake over the thumping music. Jake laughs at your comment and tugs at your hand as he begins entering the house.

The two of you do your rounds of greetings to the people you know...and random underclassmen who you swear you have never seen before but somehow made it to this party. You’ve always questioned how Jay’s invite list worked. Maybe there isn’t one. That would explain how it looked like someone announced Jay was giving out free Teslas and the entire school got hold of the news. 

“Thank god you guys are here,” you hear a voice come from behind the two of you as you guys leave the main room to enter the house’s smaller, but just as luxurious looking, den. You turn to see Heeseung with Sunghoon following closely behind, trying his best not to get swept away in the crowd of people. 

The den is where you usually stayed during these parties. It’s not like there are rules of where people are allowed to party, by any means, but it’s like how a high-school’s cafeteria worked. There’s a mutual silent agreement of where everyone goes, and the den is where the party host and his friends went.  

“Okay, is it just me, or is tonight’s party just a little...too..much?” Sunghoon asks as the four of you take your seats on the main couch of the room. Jake’s quick to make space for you next to him as you go to sit, but to his surprise, you find your home right on his lap. 

“You said be convincing right?” you say into his ear as you settle yourself. Right. That’s totally why. Because you had to go along with the ruse. Obviously. 

You shift a bit so you’re more facing sideways, not blocking off Jake’s line of vision as the boy himself is..well, calling him a rag doll might be excessive. 

But he’s sure he looks like one right now, having lost all senses in his limbs, leaving him frozen underneath you. 

Jake Sim is the epitome of politeness. He was raised in a family that taught him how to respectfully greet others, how to always offer food to others before eating it himself, how to properly treat a significant other. As a result, Jake grew up to be one of the sweetest, kindest, purest people to ever walk this earth. 

(Relatively speaking, the earth is large, but so is Jake’s heart.) 

But human-beings aren’t perfect, they must have a balance. A balance of pros and cons. 

Sure, he can’t pack his own lunch and sometimes forgets to water the little succulent you gifted him that’s currently seated on his window sill. Sure, sometimes he’s too sweet for his own good, you know, like willing-to-be-your-fake-boyfriend too sweet. But aside from the minor details, Jake Sim doesn’t have many cons, no. 

But he sure can be awkward. 

And so because Jake Sim is sweet, kind, pure, and awkward, he is unsure of what to do with himself when you’re seated right on top of him. 

As if you could read his befuddled mind, you take his arm that’s resting behind you to wrap around your waist as your support as you throw one of your arms around his shoulder. And throughout this entire adjustment, his widened eyes are staring right at you. 

Bless this pure, pure boy. 

Also bless the position you’re in, blocking the two other boys from directly seeing Jake’s face. Because if they were to catch glimpse of Jake’s expression right now, your cover might be blown, just like that. You’re lucky Heeseung and Sunghoon are distracted by another classmate who came up to them. 

“Relax,” you sweetly laugh, cupping his chin with your free hand and lightly squeezing his cheeks. “You’re so adorably awkward.” 

Jake pouts at you. “I am not awkward!” 

“Right, and I’m totally dating you for real,” you playfully whisper at him, eliciting a poke at your waist in response. 

Twenty minutes of people-watching-aka-“who do you think is gonna pass out first?”-from-your-spot-on-the-couch later, the four of you draw your attention to the rowdy party host you all have the honor of calling your friend––aka Jay––dancing (that is, if you call wildly swinging your limbs in all four directions dancing) in the middle of the den. 

"Oh god, look at him," Sunghoon voices from besides you.

Heeseung's already filming the moment on his phone. Ah yes, technology. The best thing to ever happen to drunk teens' friends.  

"He's so wasted," you throw your head back as you let out a laugh. “We should help the kid out.” 

Poor Jay. He's not gonna hear the end of it after tonight.

"I don't know why he thinks these parties are such a good idea when he knows how trashed he's gonna be when he wakes up," Jake says, his hand naturally squeezing your waist as you giggle at his comment. "And how trashed the house will be."  

Jay slumbers over to where the four of you are seated, and abruptly stops right in front of the couch.

"My best friends!" Jay happily cheers. “Having fun?” 

“Watching you? Always,” you say to the boy who’s squeezing into a seat between you and Sunghoon, as if the small couch wasn’t already suffocating enough (and that’s with you on Jake’s lap). 

“But for real though, you should probably lay off the drinks for now,” Heeseung insists. “For all our sakes.” 

Sunghoon nods along and grabs the cup Jay’s currently nursing and sets it down where it’s out of Jay’s reach, much to his dismay. But the disappointment quickly leaves the dazed boy’s head, as his attention is now directed towards you and Jake. 

“Well if it isn’t mom and dad,” Jay turns to face you and Jake, certainly amused by your seating arrangement. 

“You know–” Jay points a finger at the two of you. “For a couple that’s certainly close, I haven’t seen you two kiss.” 

Jake is immediately coughing, certainly not expecting that to come out of his friend’s mouth. 

“Okay and your point is?” Jake frowns at Jay. If Jay wasn’t tipsy, Jake would’ve smacked the back of his head by now. 

“I’m just saying...” the blonde responds, both hands up in the air as if Jake is accusing him of something, when in was, in fact, the opposite. “But nevermind, Jakey boy here is probably too innocent for such nonsense anyways.” 

Yes, it’s confirmed. Once Jay sobers up tomorrow, Jake is driving over to his house (even though it’s a good ten minute drive from his own) just to smack him. 

“What do you mean I’m too–” 

Jake doesn’t finish his sentence. In fact, Jake doesn’t even remember what he was going to say. 

Jake doesn’t think nor feel anything else other than your lips planted on his. 

You’re pulling him in close, your hands cupping his face as his own are twitching on your waist, his mind flustered. You move your hands from his face to his neck, to which Jake immediately relaxes at. 

Sure, you two are in the middle of a dumb high-school party, one filled with pounding music and shouting teenagers, but right now, in this moment, Jake can only feel you. And he doesn’t want the feeling to ever stop. 

When you part, Jake’s eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips, his own parted in shock. He thinks he might pass out right here and now. He thinks his heart might explode right here and now. He thinks he might lov-

“Happy?” you turn to a satisfied Jay, ignoring the looks of amusement from Heesung and Sunghoon besides him. 

“Well,” you pat Jake’s leg as you get up from your spot. “I’m gonna get us some drinks. Punch only, of course.” 

Jake’s eyes are on you as you walk away, his face tinted pink from the adrenaline of it all, his heart racing. 

Jake thinks back to three days ago, when he told himself that this idea of yours was going to be all fine. After all, it was only going to be for one week. Afterwards, he can move on with his life as if nothing happened. 

But fast forward 72 hours later, 72 hours after you and Jake started this act, 72 hours after Jake told himself it’ll be all fine, Jake knows he was poorly mistaken.

Because 72 hours later, in the middle of a party that reeked of the combined smell of alcohol and sweat, Jake knows one thing and one thing for sure.

He never wants to move on from the feeling of being with you. He never wants to move on from this.

From you. 

He’s screwed. 

Saturday, December 12th 

When Jake wakes up, much later than he intended to, on Saturday morning, the first sensation he feels are his tingling lips, still in disbelief that they graced your own last night. 

The second sensation being his pounding mind––it’s running through ten million thoughts at a time, telling him no last night wasn’t a dream. 

Third: his heart beating so fast at the thought of you, he thinks he might beat out of his chest.

And fourth, a buzzing noise. 

Jake blindly flounders his arm to the table beside him in hopes of finding the origin of the annoying sound, aka, his phone. 

After knocking down multiple miscellaneous items on his nightstand (he makes a mental note to clean his room later), he successfully retrieves the item of search. 

Jake squints at the bright screen, mind still cloudy from a mix of 1) being half-asleep, and 2) still processing what happened the night before. 

y/n [11:10AM]: r u awake yet? 

y/n [11:22AM]: imma take that as a no

y/n [11:35AM]: lemme know when ur up 

jake [11:44AM]: just woke up sorry 

jake [11:44AM]: are you okay? what’s up

y/n [11:45AM]: r u busy? 

y/n [11:45AM]: kinda wanted to talk abt smth

jake [11:45AM]: uh well no im still in bed lmao

y/n [11:46AM]: cool im outside your door 

Jake’s eyes widen as he processes your last few texts. 

Talk? Outside his door? 

Jake’s heart is nervously pounding as jumps out of bed and quickly puts on the first plaid flannel he finds. He scrambles to his mirror and gives his reflection a quick run-down. 

He’s sporting your his favorite hoodie underneath the flannel that’s long overdue a wash and his tousled hair has seen better days, but he couldn't care less. 

Before his mind can catch up to his actions, he’s rushing down the stairs, skipping two at a time and to this front door. Because he didn’t want to keep you waiting? Because he was too excited to see you? Maybe a mix of both. Definitely more of the latter, however. 

He quickly runs a hand through his hair to try to fix it up as much as he can, to no avail, before opening the door to reveal you, sitting on the steps of his front porch. 

“y/n,” he’s breathing heavily as you turn to greet him with your sweet smile he didn’t even realize he was missing. Is it possible to miss someone overnight? Jake concludes yes, it definitely is. 

“Did you run down here or something?,” you question his out-of-breath state, a teasing tone laces the tip of your tongue. 

“Or something,” Jake mutters as he closes the front door behind him to join you on the steps when you make no sign of moving. “Have you been out here all morning?” 

“Not allll morning. I had a feeling you’d sleep in so I came around the time I first texted you. Would’ve knocked but didn’t wanna bother your family,” you hum, keeping your eyes trained on the peaceful scenery around you. 

You’ve always loved Jake’s neighborhood, it brought you a sense of peace, a sense of home. 

Or was that because it reminded you of Jake? 

“You could never be a bother,” he quickly rebuttals as he takes his seat next to you on the steps. 

You respond with a soft smile before turning your attention back to anything other than the boy next to you. Your mind seems to be lost in its own thoughts, Jake can tell by the distant look in your eyes. 

The sound of birds chirping in the distance fills the silence that falls between the two of you. 

Any other day, Jake would love this. He savors every second he’s with you, even if it’s just pure silence. 

But this silence was different. It wasn’t the usual comforting, warm silence that the two of you share on a typical day. This one held tension, tension so thick that Jake doesn’t know where to begin thinking. 

But here’s the thing. Jake doesn’t think. 

Not when it comes to you. 

He takes a deep breath. Rubs his hands together. Pats them on his lap. Turns towards you. 

“Look, I-” 

“I think I might like you.” The words come out of your mouth so fast, Jake’s positive he heard you wrong the first time around. 

He whips his head to meet your eyes, your own already staring back at him, your bottom lip nervously tucked under your teeth. 

“No, I––I do. I know I do. I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you and I don’t think I’m doing a very good job right now,” the words are all of the sudden tumbling out of your mouth as if your brain flipped a switch and isn’t able to turn it off. “In hindsight, I should’ve known better to fake date my own best friend. But these past few days made me realize how much I love being with you. And not like how I’m always with you 24/7 before this entire thing started, but being with you. I even started getting that weird, bubbly feeling in my stomach every time I so much as heard your name. And then last night at the party, I realized afterwards that I wouldn’t have kissed you if some part of me didn’t see you in that way. Even if it meant Jay would’ve been on our asses all night if I didn’t. So yeah.” 

You finish with a deep breath and look up at him to meet his widened eyes. Silence.

Jake thought he was braindead during last week’s history quiz. Jake thought he was braindead when he had to cram a semester’s worth of chemistry content the night before his exam. Heck, Jake thought he was braindead when you first told him about your idea of a fake dating him. But no, this is braindead.

He’s finally hearing what he’s been dreaming of for so long, and of all times, now his brain decides to shut off.  

“Are you..uh..are you gonna say anything?” You’re nervously fumbling with your hands, desperate to distract yourself with anything else apart from his silent stare. 

"Why are you sorry?" Jake says before his mind can think of anything else. He doesn't pay attention to his thumping heart that's one look-from-you away from exploding right then and there. "You didn't do anything wrong. If anything, you took the words right out of my mouth.” 

Now you're staring at him with the wide eyes, the words processing in your mind.

Jake realizes he's waited too long to do this. A few years too long. He also realizes he shouldn't have put on that extra layer of a flannel. The nervous tension created by the two of you was suffocating enough, and being outside under the bright sun didn’t help. 

"I like you too. God y/n, I like you too so much," Jake doesn't even care if his words are all sorts of messed up right now. He just needs you to get the idea. "I have for a while now.” 

You let out a relieved sigh, ecstasy rushing through your blood. “Really? I think I have for a while too. I’m so stupid, it took me so long to realize it. It didn’t hit me until I realized how I felt around you, compared to the guy I’m supposed to actually have a crush on.” 

Jake lets out a laugh, the tension immediately dissolving. “Hey, if it wasn’t for Sunghoon, I don’t think we’d be here right now.” 

“You’re right, I’m too oblivious and you’re too awkward to actually make a move,” you wink at him. If his heart wasn’t fluttering at the sight of you, on his porch on a Saturday morning, confessing your feelings to him, Jake probably would’ve lightly shoved you away. 

Instead, he’s turning to you with the most endeared look on his face, and you’re blushing underneath his gaze.

“What? Stare much?” You giggle, quoting the boy himself as you shyly duck your head to avoid his stare. 

Jake gently grabs your chin to tilt your face towards his, and before you can process what’s happening, he suddenly meets your lips with his own, closing the gap between you two. 

Jake thinks if the ground underneath him right now decided to open up and swallow him whole, he’d die happily. 

Jake smiles against you, feeling comfort in ways he’ll never be able to achieve without you. 

Your hands instinctively find their way into his hair, as one of his rests below your ear, thumb softly caressing your cheek, the other pulling you in by the waist. He’s naturally leaning into you, gravitating towards your warmth, unable to stop the giddy feeling bubbling in his stomach. 

He doesn’t think the feeling will ever go away. 

When you pull away to catch your breath, you rest your head against the nook of his neck, basking in his presence as his arms both find their way around your waist. You sigh in pleasure. 

“Remember at the beginning of all of this, when you told me ‘Just try not to fall in love with me?’” Jake gently says. Jake feels the slight nod you give against his shoulder as you hum in response. 

Jake whispers two more words into your ear, filling you with happiness and warmth you know you won’t be able to find through anyone––or anything––else. 

“Too late.” 

✰ if you made it ‘til the end, ily :’))))) 

[canesshi]

the bounty | western au

pairing: outlaw!Jungkook x bountyhunter!reader (f)

genre: angst, smut, enemies to ???

plot: There's a fivethousand dollar bounty on Jeon Jungkook's head and you are after it. A few unplanned events lead to the two of you trapped in a canyon and you learn that maybe, after all, he isn't as bad as he seems.

warnings: swearing, guns, blood, fighting, alcohol, SMUT, unprotected sex (because this is fiction! be safe irl), grinding, passionate sex, handjob, creampie, mentioned sexism, lmk if there is more

Standing in front of the wooden board, you ripped the piece of paper off the rusty nail that had been used to attach it to the wood. 'Wanted - dead or alive' it said in red stamped letters, the text framing the sketch of Jeon Jungkook's face.

"You finally wanna try again?"

Your gaze shot up to Jin, the sheriff, who leaned against the wooden wall of his sheriff's office. The golden star on his chest was as shiny as it could be; he cleaned it regularly, it was never dirty.

"They put a new price on his head, after all. Might as well try again. Fivethousand dollars are enough to retire.", you chuckled and looked back to the paper in your hands.

Jeon Jungkook.

The name was not unfamiliar. His face was plastered on every wall even in small towns, the law desperate to finally catch him. He was one of America's most wanted outlaws and since he had left his former gang he raged through the country like a hurricane; stealing, drinking, fighting, shooting, cheating, murdering, robbing. He had steadily increased the price on his head with every crime he commited and every bounty hunter had at one point been after him. The money was promising and experienced bounty hunters tended to underestimate his skills because of his age. He was fairly young for being such a successful outlaw, all on his own. Along with a few other criminals he was considered a 'legendary bounty'. Bounty hunters who could turn in such a bounty were well respected and feared amongst their peers, and the reward money was a nice addition. But Jeon Jungkook outsmarted and outshot all of them. Most of the hunters were dead or had given up.

You were after him once, too. It was when he was still with his old gang. They had been in a gang fight with another gang and were vunerable, the timing was perfect. But as you almost had him, he slipped through your fingers, jumping off the bridge and landing in the shallow waters. You had thought he had died but never found his corpse, only to read in a newspaper a few days later that he and his gang had robbed a stagecoach near a big city. Since then, his bounty had more than tripled. And if you were being honest, you were quite impressed. But now that you had had time to prepare and train, you were convinced you had a chance at catching him. Maybe you were being too optimistic and too full of yourself, but how would you ever find out if you didn't try?

"Are you sure it's a good idea? He does not hesitate to kill bounty hunters and he surely learned a few new things too. That kid is too skilled for his own good.", Jin wore a worried expression. The two of you had become something similar to friends over the past months since you usually collected the bounties in this tiny town because there was less competition this far away from the big city. "At least catch all the easier targets first so you are not leaving us behind with a bunch of criminals roaming the streets."

"Jin, you're the sheriff. You can handle an outlaw or two."

"But you do it so well. Also, who would we spend the tax money on? If there was no bounty money to pay, we would surely be rich in a few months, we can't have that!", he joked, fake worry in his voice. Then, he got serious again, stepping closer to you, taking the poster from your hands and inspecting it. "Be careful. I mean it. He is dangerous and I would feel lonely here without you bringing trouble into this small town."

"I'll be back, don't worry.", you nodded at him, smiling reassuringly but he didn't seem convinced.

"When will you leave? Where is he right now?"

"I'll pack my things and be off. There has been news he was sighted near Blackwater last. I'll be starting my search there.", you untied your horse from the post, stuffing the poster Jin had given you back into your bag. You mounted the animal, tipped your hat to Jin who smiled at you worriedly but nodded back and urged the animal under you forwards.

The ride to Blackwater had taken one and a half days. You had made camp outside of Armadillo to rest before you began your hunt. You needed all the energy you could possibly get, so a good night's rest was indispencable.

You woke up early, the sun had barely risen above the horizon. The weak sun warmed your chilled skin as you kicked dirt into the still glowing embers of your dying campfire. The air was fresh and you felt confident; you'd find him today and he wouldn't glide through your fingers again.

Spurring your horse on, you watched as the city in the distance grew closer with each stride your horse took. You slowed the animal down once you reached the cobbled street, looking into the dark alleyways, suspicious looking individuals meeting your gaze and snarling. They recognized bounty hunters when they saw them. But you were not here because of them. No, you were after someone way more valuable.

Stopping next to the sheriffs office, you tied your horse to the post outside and stepped into the office, your spurs clinking with every step. You halted in front of the main desk, the sheriff and his deputy looking you up and down.

"I'm after Jeon Jungkook.", you said, slapping his bounty poster onto the table. "I was told he was seen here recently, any idea where he was headed?"

The sheriff and deputy sent each other a look before the older gentleman breathed in deeply. "It is true. He was here recently, caused a bar fight and left once everyone was fighting, then, robbed the general store while everyone was occupied. Shot a few fellars on his way out of town." The sheriff took the paper, looked at Jungkook's picture before scoffing and letting the piece of paper fall back onto the table. "No offence, but you won't be able to turn him in. The best bounty hunters have been after him and ended up dying or giving up. I don't mean any harm when I say this but... maybe you bit off more than you can chew. He's not your everyday thief." You wanted to scoff and list all the outlaws you had turned in before but you knew better than to let yourself be agigated by his words.

"Whether or not I can handle him is my business. You want him caught or not? I just need all the information you got, the rest is not your problem.", you said calmy, one hand resting on your hip.

The sheriff hesitated for a bit before opening one of the drawers in the desk and pulling out a map. He flattened it out on the table and turned it so you could see well.

"We think he headed south into the canyons to lay low for a while. There have been no reports of him in other cities so he probably is still there. He might not be alone, we don't know for sure. Riding out there is a ticket straight to hell, ma'am."

You didn't wait for him to finish. You just tipped your head as a way of thanking him before turning your back and exiting the building. Not a minute longer was wasted in the town. You urged your horse to a gallop down the dusty road.

It was noon when you reached the canyons. The sun was beating down onto you and you were thankful for your hat that was providing enough shadow for your face to be safe from the scorching sunlight.

You stopped your horse on a ledge that hung over the valley of the canyons. Then in the distance you spotted a trail of smoke rising into the sky. A camp.

You shouldered your rifle before urging your horse on. The walls of the canyon were so high they were intimidating. The trails you rode through were narrow and once or twice your stirrup scraped against the dusty orange stone. You couldn't see much of the sky, so you weren't sure if you were even riding in the right direction.

You were as quiet as you possibly could, but each little clinking or thudding echoed through the canyon. You decided that it was best to leave your horse behind and continue on foot. It was quieter and you could escape more easily if you had to.

You dismounted on a wider spot, the stone walls further away from you and making you feel less claustophobic. You grabbed a few more bullets from your saddlebag along with your bag in case you needed water or were injured.

Patting your horse's neck one last time and hoping you would be able to return to it, you continued through the canyon, your steps still echoing but a lot quieter than your horse's hooves had been.

When you smelled burnt wood you stuck close to the stone walls, making sure to peek before charging the open area. You peeked into the camp but there was no sign of a human being. You carefully walked into the camp, watching as the fire was still burning. Someone had been here not too long ago. You looked around and noticed bags and a bedroll on the ground. Someone had definitely been here shortly before you, and they would probably be returning soon. You kneeled down to open one of the bags when suddenly a gunshot rang through the canyon, the bullet missing you by an inch.

You immediately sprung into action, ducking behind a wooden crate and firing a few shots into the direction the bullet had come from. It had been a revolver bullet so the attacker was close to you, had probably sneaked up behind you.

It was silent for a while before a bullet hit the crate, sending splinters flying. Shit, you needed a safer cover. But there was nothing here. The attacker was just waiting for you to move, you knew it. You needed a plan.

You pulled your waterskin from your bag and opened it up. If you could throw it into the fire, there would be enough steam for you to move to a safer position, right? You peeked around the crate and immideately a bullet hit the edge of the crate, close to your face.

Shit, if you moved your arm from the cover they would probably shoot it clean off. You were trapped and if your attacker decided he had waited long enough, he could just start blasting the crate to kill you. You looked through your bag only finding a few things that didn't help you out now. Unless...

You fished for the red neckerchief and threw it next to the crate, careful to not reveal your hands or arms. Instantly a few shots were fired, hitting the neckerchief until it was in shreds. That's when you heard the familiar click of a gun being reloaded. You didn't waste a second and threw the waterskin into the flames, successfully creating thick puffs of steam that blocked your attacker's view.

You quickly moved into a crevice in the stonewall, barely wide enough to fit your body but at least safer than the wooden crate. Bullets were fired at you, but you had been faster, and they had no clear view. Once the steam disappeared, you watched carefully. The attacker didn't know where you were, and you watched as the broad figure move from behind the canyon wall to a boulder a little closer to you. You acted instantly, shooting a few bullets with your revolver, even though your heart skipped a beat. You had only seen him shortly but you knew his figure.

You had found him. Jeon Jungkook.

You heard a low hiss so you must've gotten him somewhere. You wanted to squeal in victory when he propped himself up on the boulder and fired a few rounds of bullets. The stone wall held off each bullet but little pieces of stone splintered off the surface and created thick dust which stung in your eyes. But instead of cowering away you took the rifle from your back, aimed at the figures head and placed your hand on the trigger. He wasn't careful enough. You could kill him right then and there, but your ego got the better of you. If you'd bring him in alive, he would be worth a lot more and you wanted to see the look of defeat on his face when you bound his wrists and turned him into the sheriff's office as they placed him behind bars.

So instead of his head you aimed at his gun and pulled the trigger, successfully blasting it out of his hand. He ducked as soon as the shot was fired but he wasn't fast enough. It was silent after that, no shots from him as you waited for his next move.

"That's it. You've got me."

You perked up at his smooth voice. He sounded like he was amused.

"You can kill me.", he said, slowly raising from behind the boulder. His hands were in the air to show you he was unarmed.

"But you'd miss out on a lot of money. They want to see me hang, they'd pay a lot to see that. If I'm dead though... there won't be much of a hanging going on. They will be disappointed. Less money."

"You think I'm stupid enough to fall for your trap, Jeon?", you hissed, rifle trained on his head, ready to shoot if you needed to. You moved away from your cover slowly, showing him you had the upper hand now.

"Well, seeing how you only shot my gun and not my head, I assume you are either a terrible, terrible shot or you are after a great deal of money.", he wore a smug smile on his face but you didn't miss the droplets of sweat dripping down the side of his forehead. That's when you saw the trail of blood on his side. That's where you had gotten him earlier, you thought to yourself.

"But since I know you can shoot well, I know it's the latter. Last time we met, you almost had me, and now you finally finished what you started."

You felt uneasy. He remembered you? How in the hell, would he remember you when he had to deal with countless of bounty hunters almost every day? What made you special enough for him to remember?

Maybe this was a trick, you thought. He was riling you up on purpose.

You had only been distracted for half a second when suddenly you were hit in the head by a hard item. You stumbled back, the rifle falling from your hands as you clutches your now bleeding forehead.

That fucker had thrown his gun!

He charged at you while you were occupied and pressed you to the ground beneath him. He pulled a knife out of his boot and moved to plunge it into your chest but you kneed him into his back, making him topple over you so you could roll out beneath him, an elbow to his back. He grunted as he spun around, slicing the knife through the air, missing your arm by an inch.

"You have gotten better.", he snickered through gritted teeth.

"So have you.", you answered, grabbing a hand full of dust and throwing it into his face. He clawed at his eyes as you finally distanced yourself from him again. You grabbed your revolver from your gunbelt and pointed it at him, ready to shoot when he suddenly pulled on the neckerchief you were standing on, making you topple over as your feet lost their footing. Before he could reach you though, you were back on your feet, your gun nowhere to be found. Shit.

A cut into your arm made you cry out sharply. The cut wasn't too deep but it began bleeding quickly. "You son of a bitch!"

You grabbed his wrist before he could bring down the blade again. Your nails dug into his dirtied skin, making him grit his teeth. He was stronger than you, but you took advantage of the situation when you kneed him into the stomach. He huffed loudly and the knife fell from his hand. You caught it and chucked it far away. "You have a lot of nerves coming here!", he sneered and grabbed your neck, pushing you down. You moved your head quickly, biting down on his bleeding hand, tasting the iron on your tongue.

That's when you decided to take off. If you made it to your horse in time, you could get another gun or flee. But you were so disoriented, you didn't know which way you had come from. Jungkook recovered behind you, so you decided to just run, no matter what direction.

You ran as fast as you could but your could hear his fast footsteps behind you, catching up with you.

You scrambled up a canyon wall that had been carved into a stair-like formation by the waters a few million years ago. Jungkook followed you without a problem. His stamina was way better than yours.

Once you were on top of the stone platform and you could overlook the maze like crevices, Jungkook caught up to you.

The two of you were standing in front of each other. Chests heaving.

"This ends here. One of us is going to die. And if I think about it, It might as well be you."

He lurched forward grabbing your body and pressing you into the ground. He raised a fist, wanting to knock you out but you moved your head to the side, his fist meeting the stone beneath you. You tried pushing him off of you and ended up changing positions with him, straddling him, before he tried pushing you down again.

But as he grabbed your hips, pushing you off of his stomach, your back didn't meet the hard ground. It was met with breezy nothingness as your body slipped off the edge. His body was inevitable pulled down with yours, your hands clamped down on his shirt. Your mouth was open in a scream as you fell but no noises came out.

It felt like you were falling for hours, hands still clinging onto Jungkook's larger frame.

Hitting the ground was painless and everything went black not even a second later.

Your eyes peeled open slowly. There was dust, dried blood, sweat and tears. You could barely see.

Your nose was running and you didn't kow if it was tears or blood.

How in god's name were you alive? Were you even alive?

You carefully moved your arms under you, pushing yourself up from the ground. Your head was throbbing painfully and little stones dug into your palms as you looked around.

Jungkook's body laid a few feet away, head slumped against his chest as he sat up against the canyon wall. He had probably woken up and moved to sit up against it before falling unconscious again.

You groaned as you pushed yourself to your feet, moving over to his body. You gently pushed against his legs with your boot, trying to wake him... or check if he was still alive. He looked horrible. Clothes ragged and dusty all over. His once jet black hair was matted and coated with brownish dust. You probably didn't look any better.

You kicked him again, a little harsher this time and a low groan escaped his throat as he lifted his head slightly. He struggled to open his eyes, the sun blinding him as he looked up at you.

"I was hoping you had died.", he rasped.

"Well, it seems like we're both still alive."

"Not for much longer.", he scoffed bitterly. That's when you took in your surroundings for the first time. The two of you were trapped inside a crevice in the canyon, barely wide enough for a whole body to lay flat, it was a few metres long in length. The more devastating part was that there was no exit or way up. The two of you were trapped down here. "Shit.", you murmored.

"If you still want to kill me, do it now. At least I won't have to starve to death.", he said, gasping as he sat up straighter against the stone wall.

"No-... There has to be a way out. We could-... climb up?"

"And how are you going to do that? The stone is too smooth, there are no ledges to grip onto. And even if you did make it up a few metres, if you fell, you'd only injure yourself more."

"Oh, so you just want to give up and die?", you scoffed.

"Unless you have a realistic escape plan, then yes, that's the only thing left for us to do."

You felt your head throb again painfully. You should have listened to Jin. This had been a dumb idea. Anyone smarter than you would've just given up after escaping with your life last time but no- you just had to try it again. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"Ah- fuck-" Your gaze dropped to Jungkook whose face was scrunched up in pain as he moved slightly. A hand was pressed to his side where you had shot him earlier. You didn't know how bad the wound was but it couldn't have been too deep considering he was still alive and not bleeding out. "I can't believe you really got me. I was slacking."

How he felt the need to talk to you was beyond you. You were his enemy but still - he was talking to you like you were an old aquaintance. You wanted to feel hatred towards him but it seemed like every bit of anger had left you. There was no point in fighting anyway - you'd both die down here.

"Let me see.", you forced out, kneeling down next to the man and trying to move his hand away from the injury. He didn't stop you but he seemed taken aback, eyes glued to yours as you pulled the button up shirt from his pants, careful to not irritate the wound too much. Once you had clear view of the gash, you inspected it. The bullet had only grazed him but it still left a decent gash on his side, skin ripped with ragged edges. It would take some time to heal and would probably leave a nasty scar, but what did it matter anyway? Neither of you would be alive then. How much you wished for one of those new devices you had read about in the newspaper - a telephone? Was that what they were called?

You went to grab something from your bag but it was no longer laying against you hip. Had it ripped off while fighting Jungkook? You looked around and saw the brown bag lying a few metres away. Thank god! Your bag was your ticket for living at least a few days longer. Dried meat and a small emergency flask of water could grant you enough time to think about all the times you had fucked up in your life or what desicions led you to be trapped here. Great.

You stood up to grab it and Jungkook followed your figure with curious eyes. He looked younger now that you really took him in. A boyish gleam in his eyes, though matted because of the circumstances. He was definitely not ugly either. If he had chosen a different life, you might have even bedded him.

What nonsense. You couldn't change a thing about the past and that was that. Thinking of all the possibilities if things had been different was wasted time.

You returned to Jungkooks side, fishing for a herb from the inside of your bag. You stuck it in your mouth, chewing it up into a paste before spitting it onto your fingers. "I know I'll die anyway but I'd appreciate it if you didn't give me an infection."

You just rolled your eyes as you applied the paste to the wound making him hiss slightly. You needed something to bandage the wound with but your neckerchief had been left behind at Jungkook's camp and was ripped apart anyway. You noticed that he was wearing one around his neck and went to untie it, hands combing through his slightly long black hair to get the knot loose. You didn't realize how close you were to him until you felt his warm breath on your own face. His eyes were locked to yours as he searched for something in them. Your brows furrowed and you quickly pulled back, unfolding the neckerchief and roling it into a bandage to tie around his waist. The fabric was barely long enough to actually be tied together but you managed, even though you must have hurt hime quite a bit in the process.

"Didn't take you to be such a whiny boy.", you said jokingly.

He didn't answer, only inspecting the bandage around his middle. You opened up the waterskin and poured it over his face earning a displeased grunt from Jungkook. You wiped the dirt, grime and blood from his face with your hands. "I could have done that myself, you know?" You poured a little water into your hands, cleaning your own face, being careful to only use as little water as possible.

"Why are you bandaging me up? Afraid you'll go to hell if you don't start doing nice things now?", he asked after some time, hairs falling into his eyes as he rested his head against the stone wall behind him. You had decided to sit opposite of him, sitting cross legged.

The truth was, you didn't even know the answer to his question. Why did you treat his wound? It was pointless anyway.

"Well, I guess in the face of death, people start to act strangely.", you answered, head turned away from him. Jungkook chuckled and licked his dry lips, throat feeling uncomfortably dry too.

"A shame that it has to end like this.", he then said,"I was wishing to escape you one more time. Bruising your ego a bit, you know?" He was laughing to himself, swallowing the bit of saliva his body could muster up.

"It looked more like you were trying to get me to meet my maker.", you answered, looking over to him, your lips curved slightly upwards now.

"You were better than I anticipated and I was taken aback. Didn't want to die, to be honest. You left me no choice."

You scoffed, the smile now wiped off your face. "Yeah right. You had the choice to not be a fucking outlaw in the first place!"

"Did I really?", he spat sourly.

You went silent then, watching as his brows furrowed.

"I had noone when I was younger. Should I have moped around the streets looking through the trashcans for food like the other street kids?" You knew who Jungkook was talking about. Homeless children were no rare scene, especially in big cities like Saint Denise. There was no furture for them outside of crime and gangs.

"When Namjoon found me, I was at the brink of starvation. He took me in and taught me everything I know about guns, horses and money. I truly did not have a choice if I wanted to survive."

He swallowed thickly before continuing.

"Besides, Namjoon always taught me how fucked up this so called society is. We just wanted to be free, to not be bound by laws and power-hungry people. Can you really blame us for that? Politicians and lawmen are not any different from us outlaws, they just have a badge that excuses every crime they commit against minorities."

"That's no excuse for the things you did. I am not here to try to make you regret your past but killing innocent folk is not any better than they are."

"We never intended to kill innocent people. I won't lie and say I have never killed anyone innocent but that was never our goal. We were just after the rich and powerful men. It doesn't matter now anyway. I left the gang a long while ago."

You didn't say anything after that, head resting back against the warm stone and watching as the sky slowly turned different shades of orange, red and pink.

You rumaged through your bag before feeling the cool glass against your fingers and pulling the whiskey bottle out. Jungkook looked amused as you took a big swig, handing it to him afterwards. He took the bottle gratefully and took a few big swigs, face scrunching up in distaste but continuing to down the liquid. When the bottle left his lips they were coated in the smooth liquid, glistening in the golden sunlight. He looked pretty. And that wasn't the booze talking... not yet at least.

"What about you? You had to listen to me whining about my shitty childhood, and now I'll listen to your tragic story."

"What makes you think I had a tragic childhood?", you teased, taking the whiskey from him and nipping at the bottle.

"Oh, please!", he huffed, "You are a bounty hunter and you want to tell me that you had a nice childhood? I have heard way better lies than that." You laughed at that, passing the bottle back to him.

"Well, my story is not as dark and dramatic as yours. I just wanted to catch bad guys and get decent money for it. They don't allow women to join the lawmen and even if they did, I guess we have one thing in common; I don't want to have anything to do with those people. I know their system is corrupt, only made to fit rich white men."

Jungkook seemed surprised. You were on different sides, you were supposed to represent the law and everything Jungkook hated but you were agreeing with him? He barely knew anyone that wasn't an outlaw or a beggar that thought like this.

He clutched the bottle tighter and nipped at it again, letting the liquid burn his throat. Maybe, just maybe, if things were different, if you two were to get out of here, you could start again? Get to know each other as people and not as enemies. It was foolish to think of anything in the future, seeing how you were doomed down here, but he wanted to know you. You were pretty, he wasn't blind. If the circumstances had been different he would have loved to bed you.

He shook his head, squeezing one hand into his pocket and pulling out a tiny photograph. You scooted closer until you were sitting next to him, taking the whiskey bottle that was almost empty now. It hadn't been full before, but still.

"This was the gang.", Jungkook explained, passing the photo to you. You looked at the faces, all smiling at the camera. You spotted Jungkook in the middle next to a tall man who had proudly swung an arm over his shoulder. If you didn't know any better you would have assumed that this was just a group of friends getting their picture taken. "That's namjoon, right?", you said and pointed to the tall male. Jungkook nodded, smiling widely. "And that's Jimin, Taehyung, Yoongi, Hoseok and Soekjin." You laughed as you spotted Jin, a wide smile on his lips as he stood on the other side of Jungkook.

Wait a damn minute... wait. a. minute.

"Jin??", you gasped and Jungkook looked at you questioningly. "How is Jin in this picture? He- He's a good friend of mine and he's also a sheriff!"

"Oh, so that's where he went.", Jungkook mumbled to himself but you heard him loud and clear. You waited for him to explain.

"Jin was part of our gang but he mostly just tried to get the law off our back. He taught me a lot about who I am. Unfortunately, he left the gang one year before I did. Said he couldn't identify himself with the gang anymore... with what we had become. It's true, we were more ghosts than people by the end. I'm no saint - I know that - but I guess I never truly knew how much of a lowlife I was until Jin left. He was partly the reason I left a year later. How is he doing? How do you know him?"

"Well, I'd say he's pretty well. He is the sheriff after all, that gets you some decent money. I turned a lot of the targets in that he hung up on the bounty wall. We started chatting and then went out drinking sometimes."

"Oh, so you two are-...?", Jungkook gestured with his hands, trying to bring across his point without actually saying anything, hoping you got what he was trying to ask.

"No! God, no!", you laughed and Jungkook perked up at the pleasant sound. "Just friends. Collegues of sorts. But now it makes a lot of sense why he was trying to convince me to not go after you. He also took down your poster a few times. He always said it was because you were too damgerous and he wanted to protect reckless bounty hunters." You laughed. Imagining Jin in a gang of outlaws, hah! You would have to squeeze some details out of him!

Your face fell instantly. You couldn't. Because you wouldn't see him again. Maybe, just maybe Jin would come to look for you in a few days and find your rotting corpse in this hell hole. You chuckled bitterly to yourself.

"How much is it now?", Jungkook asked.

You took the bounty poster out of the bag and handed it to him. It was a little ragged now but still readable.

"Wow that's a new record. At least they didn't fuck up my face again with an ugly sketch." You smiled again as you watched him read his poster. "I'm sorry that you won't be getting the money now. But at least you managed to eliminate another bad guy. You'll surely be a hero then, right? People only idolize the dead. Like painters, you know? Maybe they'll write a campfire song about the bounty huntress that killed an outlaw by starving both herself and him to death in a canyon." You laughed and slapped his stomach lightly, already having forgotten about his wound. He hissed and moved away from the touch and you panicked. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry, I forgot!"

"It's fine.", he spoke through gritted teeth.

"Wait let me see if I disturbed the wound."

You pulled up his shirt, only now noticing the hard muscles that adorned his abdomen. You tried to lift the bandage but the shirt kept falling over your hands. "Take this shit, it's annoying!", you said impatiently. Instead of just holding the shirt up though, he pulled it off over his head, exposing his upper body. You didn't mean to stare but his body was carved by the gods themselves. You tore your gaze away from him and back to the wound. It seemed to be okay, no fresh blood or other substances leaking from it. "Okay, I think everything is fine."

"So you had me remove my shirt for your own entertainment, or-..."

You felt your cheeks getting warm as he teased you, holding your gaze.

"You-! You were the one to remove it! I told you to hold it up!"

"Well you did seem to enjoy it though."

You grabbed the shirt that was laying in his lap and threw it into his face, earning a low chuckle. He grabbed your arm and pulled you next to him again, taking the whiskey and downing the rest of it before turning his head to you. You looked up at his eyes, your own eyes flickering to his lips every so often. They looked plush and pink now, so kissable. Maybe it was the alcohol clouding your senses.

You went to turn away but Jungkook took your chin carefully, angling your face up so you had to look at him before placing his lips on yours in a sweet kiss.

You were surprised, shocked even, but you didn't pull away. His kiss was intoxicating and he tasted to good even though there was a hint of whiskey still on his lips.

He pulled back a few seconds later, looking for something in your eyes. "If your bounty hunter friends saw you right now what would they say?", he teased, voice barely a whisper.

"I think they would grant me one last nice thing before I die.", you whispered back, leaning back into Jungkook and capturing his lips in a more heated kiss. His tongue slid against your mouth and you opened it instantly, letting his greedy tongue explore your wet mouth. You moaned as Jungkook grabbed your hips, pulling you into his lap so he didn't have to crane his neck to the side. You fit into his lap like you belonged there, like you were meant to sit there at all times.

What on earth were you doing?

But did it matter? If you were to die soon, you'd at least be able to boast to the demons of hell that you had fucked Jeon Jungkook.

You ground yourself into his lap and he moaned, almost desperately, as your crotch prerssed against his growing hardness. You felt blood rush to your middle, throbbing in need, at the feeling of his hardening member. He pawed at your shirt, pulling it from your pants and pulling it off your body swiftly. His lips found your neck and colarbones in an instant and didn't miss the opportunity to mark you. He was sucking and biting your skin as you threw your head back, hands tangled into the long curly strands in the back of his head. You kept grinding into his crotch, wanting to hear him moan and hiss.

"Fuck-... If you keep going at it like that, I'll cum in my pants."

"We better get them off then.", you answered, feeling for the buttons and popping them open one after the other. You palmed his hardness through his pants before trying to slide them down further, which wasn't possible due to him sitting on the ground. Instead, Jungkook grabbed his shirt that was by his side, threw it on the ground behind you and gently lowered your back onto it, making sure to not hurt you. Once he was towering over you, you slid his pants down further along with his underwear, grabbing the throbbing and hot member. The skin was silky smooth and precum was already leaking from the red tip. You spat into your hand to make the glide easier and started stroking him. Jungkook dropped his head to your shoulder, groaning as you jerked him off with your soft hands. It had been some time since Jungkook had actually been with someone, so he was trying his hardest to not cum right then and there.

He occupied himself with releasing your breasts from your breastband, simply ripping it open, not patient enough to unravel it slowly. His mouth found your breasts as he kissed them all over, tongue flicking the hardened nubs. You felt yourself getting wetter and wetter as he kissed and licked your body. God, he probably didn't even know what he was doing to you. Oblivious to the mess that coated the inside of your underwear.

You let go of his hardness as he kissed lower and lower, reaching your pants and unbottoning them slowly. He kissed each newly revealed part of skin before pulling off your boots and then the rest of your pants along with your underwear.

"Fuck. I have barely started and you are already soaking wet.", he groaned, lips exploring your hips and thighs. He was growing impatient, you could sense the urgeness in his kisses and touches.

His hands glided up your body again, reaching your breasts and squeezing them gently. He places open mouthed kisses against your mouth, licking into it hungrily. His wet, hot length was pressed against you as he settled in between your legs. "Fuck, you are so pretty, wanted to fuck you since last time you tried to catch me." You groaned at his confession. So he truly did remember you from last time you were trying to kill him.

"Wondered what you'd look like beneath me instead of behind a gun. Screaming my name in esctasy and not anger."

He kissed you gently before grabbing his length and running the silky head through your wet folds, passing by your clit and making you clench around nothingness. "Wanna make you cum. Cry out my name and cling to my body."

You moaned at his dirty words, feeling his head press into your entrance. "You want it?", he asked, kissing your lips and biting the lower one. "Fuck yes, Jungkook. Fuck me, please!"

He didn't waste any longer and burried himself into you deeply. Both of you groaned as he pushed into you until you couldn't take more of him. He was balls deep in you, your walls pulsing around him as he moved slightly. He gave you time to adjust to his size before starting a rythm that felt right for him. You locked your legs behind his hips, pushing him deeper into you with weath thrust. He was setting your body on fire, his length hitting all the right spots inside you.

You moaned and pulled his face into the crook of your neck, holding him so close you didn't know where his body ended and yours began. You could feel tiny stones digging into your back through the shirt he had laid down but you couldn't care less. He was panting next to your ear, skin burning up against you as he fastened his rythm. "Oh fuck- fuck. You feel so good around me. Such a tight little cunt-" You couldn't even respond because you were lost in the feeling of him pushing against your cervix with every thrust. It made you feel so full of him.

He hoisted his body onto his forearm, muscles flexing and giving you a nice view. He took two fingers and brought them to your mouth, making you suck on them. When he was satisfied with your work, he pulled them out, snaking the two digits between your bodies and finally findiny your clit. Your mouth fell open in a silent moan when he drew circles onto the sensitive nub. You clenched around him tightly and he grunted in response. With his fingers working away at your clit, you were barreling towards your orgasm. You wanted to tell him how good he made you feel, how the drag of his cock set your walls on fire and how you were close, so fucking close. But instead only breathy moans left your throat, gripping at his body tightly, as if you were afraid to slip over the edge because you knew it would be overwhelming.

"You- shit, you keep getting tighter. I'm not gonna last long with this tight cunt.", he announced, his rhythm faltering.

"Jungkook- fuck, I'm gonna-", you were silenced as you tipped over the edge, the pleasure almost too much for you to handle. You clenched hard around him, making it almost impossible for Jungkook to keep fucking into you. But he only needed two more thrusts before he was following you into his own high. A throaty groan left him, as he pressed himself into you as far as he could, pulling out only a bit before slamming back in, his release filling you up.

The both of you slowly calmed down, panting heavily against each other's mouths. He kissed you passionatley, moving to your jawline and down your throat. When he pulled back and looked at you, you gently moved the dark strands of sweaty hair out of his face. His eyes were locked with yours and you couldn't help but feel the warmth in your stomach as he looked down at you so lovingly. He proceeded to pull out, his release leaking out of you.

You helped each other dress. No word was spoken, but it wasn't awkward. Both of you still feeling the afterglow of an amazing orgasm.

That's when you head the sounds of hooves on hard stone. Jungkook quickly pulled your body to his, shielding you from the figure that leaned over the edge and peered down at the two of you.

"What in the world-... at least you're alive, I guess."

"Soekjin!?"

Jin had managed to pull Jungkook and you out with the lasso he had brought. The rough rope left slight burns on your skin but you figured it was better than starving to death down there.

While you were reliefed to see your friend, you were also confused as to how he had found you or why he was here in the first place.

"I wanted to help you catch he criminal!", Jin quickly said, grabbing onto Jungkook as if he hadn't casually been standing next to him the entire time. It made sense though. Jin didn't know that you knew of his history with the young outlaw.

"Jin drop the act. I wanna know why exactly you never told me that you were in a gang?!", you said, drinking from Jin's water bottle greedily. He choked on nothing and quickly turned to Jungkook who sheepishly grinned back at him. His ears turned six shades redder as he scratched the back of his neck nervously. "I- I thought it wouldn't bee such a good idea to tell a bounty hunter I was part of Jeon's gang. Who knows what you'd have done to me!", he joked. You scoffed.

"But seriously Hyung, what were you doing out here?", Jungkook piped up.

"Well both of my friends were gonna rip each other apart, couldn't let that happen right?", he laughed before suddenly frowning deeply. "Wait a minute... Wait a goddamn minute! Why the hell aren't the two of you ripping each other apart?"

"Believe me, we were, before we fell down into the ravine."

Jin eyed you suspiciously as he took note of your develished states... from all the fighting, of course!

He didn't question it any further.

The three of you proceed to get your horse that you had left behind as it was currently grazing peacefully. You were sat behind the saddle because Jungkook insisted on taking the reigns. Your arms were holding onto his tiny waist, feeling his muscles through his shirt. He was going to be the death of you. You were careful not to touch his injury, though it could not have been hurting too bad considering how he had fucked you earlier.

Jin had suggested bringing Jungkook to town and treating his wounds before he got going again. You had insited that you should get the fivethousand dollar since you technically were about to turn Jungkook in. Jin had protested to say the least.

As you were halfway there, Jungkook stopped the horse suddenly, making Jin, who had been riding ahead, stop as well and looking over his shoulder questioningly. If you had been able to see Jungkook's face you might have been able to predict his next move but since you couldn't you were more than surprised when he suddenly pushed you off the horse.

"Jungkook what the hell-", you said as you landed in the dirt, shoulder aching slightly.

"Sorry, I think it is better this way.", he grinned. "Also, where would be the fun in just staying? You'll seek me out again. My bounty will keep increasing for sure." A smirk was plastered on his lips as he urged the horse forward. "Until we meet again. I'm looking forward to it."

And with that he was gone. His figure disappearing into the darkness of the night. You couldn't even be mad at him. He had managed to escape from you in the end after all. You smiled to yourself, turning to Jin whose eyebrows were raised in surprise as he watched Jungkook disappear. Maybe he was right, it was better this way, he would have been recognized in town and all hell would've broken loose. Also, this way it would be way more fun.

You chuckled to yourself before you made a devastating realization.

"That fucker just took off with MY horse!"

[ayamturd]

aroace│mcyt hc

warnings: small mentions of hate, fluff

prompt: (requested) “could I request headcanons on how each mcyt would react to reader coming out as aroace? platonic btw!”

pairings: irl platonic! dream, ranboo, and tommy ; c!technoblade

a/n: as i myself do not identify as an aroace, pls correct me on any misconceptions or things i did not portray accurately 

a special thanks to new friend @youtubesthings​! they’re pretty pog and gave helpful insight to specific parts 

wc: (1.0k) - m.list

dream - 

you’ve known dream for a while now, long before he began to attract online fame

even then, you were still hesitant to come out to him 

rationally, you knew how supportive dream was for his friends, but reason doesn’t stop the fear of rejection for being yourself 

he’s an affectionate guy that isn’t afraid to express his (platonic!) love for others, and while you’re not romantically involved with him, it’s still terrifying to think that he might push you away for how you perceive relationships

whether you identified as an aroace for some time or only recently discovered the fact for yourself, you felt trapped and needed to tell someone

would approach him one evening and be closed off the entire conversation

he obviously would take note to your strange behavior and softly confront you about it

“Y/n, you okay? You seem on edge.”

“Actually, I-I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”

moment you managed get get the words out, there’s a slight pause before he speaks

“Oh. Is that all?” 

he’d pause and realize the implications to how his words sound and begin panicking

“No, wait that’s not what I meant. Y/n, that’s honestly so amazing, I’m so glad you trust me.”

if you were still wary to telling others, dream is the most trustworthy of your secret until you’re ready (he’s able to disclose only the things he wants people to know very well considering he’s faceless)

but if you decided to fully come out, you can bet he’s the loudest and most supportive person you know

will not hesitant to defend you from any haters or trolls and tries speak out for all aroaces 

admits he’s not the most knowledgeable but tries (will search things up in his own time)

genuinely takes your coming out seriously but treats you the same like the person you’ve always been

c!technoblade - 

let’s be honest here, technoblade isn’t canonically shown to have any romantic advances towards anyone in the smp

as a close ally and friend, you trusted techno easily and didn’t think much about coming out to him

“Hey Techno.”

“What?”

“I’m Aroace.”

“‘kay cool.”

this isn’t to say he doesn’t care, but he doesn’t see a point in fawning over the fact when it’s just you coming out as yourself

he’s closed off to some degree about how he normally feels on certain things, but your trust in him makes him feel more welcome to sharing his own thoughts and feelings

will honestly become confused should a person mock or be unaccepting of the fact, and instinctively will unsheathed his weapon

“Why are you laughing?” 

*pulls out Orphan Obliterator*

“No seriously, why?”

that being said, he honestly just forgets about it from time to time

he can keep secrets, no doubt, but considering how normalized he finds it, he isn’t really strict about talking about it if the situation comes up

if someone were to somehow imply you both were romantically involved, Techno would be so casual about it

“Aren’t you two together to something?”

“What? No, y/n’s Aroace, that’s weird.”

“…what?” :D

i mean you should’ve expected this when you first told him-

he’s the almighty Blood God, a fearless warrior that strikes down all his opponents mercilessly, and truth be told, someone who respects his friends greatly

ranboo - 

ranboo is unmistakably someone you thought of first when contemplating coming out

from his donation stream to his constant efforts of normalizing LGBTQ rights, ranboo has always been considerate of the fact

so one day you decided to tell him after a stream

it was late and he was honestly tired, but you wanted to get it out of the way before you lost the confidence go through with it again

“Hey Ranboo?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m Aroace.”

“…”

“Ranboo?”

“Sorry what? I didn’t hear you.”

he had yawned in the middle of you talking and didn’t hear you come out

honestly it was really funny to look back on, but he’d probably feel awful every time you reminded him

once you repeated yourself though, he was quick to celebrate and congratulate you

ranboo isn’t one to go into many heavy conversations, but if he noticed any hate or criticism once you fully came out, he will stop his stream just to emphasize how any hate is not tolerated on his channel, especially regarding his friends

if ever need be, he will (with your permission) speak on your behalf if someone didn’t understand what being aroace meant

he knows how to lightly joke around the topic and chooses to do so as a way to show he accepts you for how you are

that being said, doesn’t mention it often since he knows doing so can be demoralizing like a label

overall, never fails to express his support and (platonic!) love, and sees you beyond your coming out as his friend that he respects and appreciates

tommy - 

alright, okay

this is tommy we’re talking about here, a known advocate for LGBTQ rights; though he can say some mixed up intentions, his devotion to enforcing those rights on his channel and throughout his daily streams has always been endearing, but much like dream, the idea of telling someone so emotionally driven was nerve-racking 

it’s not like you didn’t plan on telling him, but he probably would have found out by accident

you had been in a discord call with him late at night and it slipped out naturally

“Have you noticed you’ve been shipped recently with (someone someone) lately?”

“I have, yeah. I hate it.”

“… why?”

“Oh it’s nothing against them, I’m Aroace.”

“Wait really?”

“…”

“...”

“Oh fuc-”

after you explained to him how you trusted him but honestly didn’t mean to tell him, he’d respect you for what it was and leave it be

tommy is sincerely mature when he needs to be, and won’t bring the subject up until you wanted to talk about it with him (since he wasn’t originally meant to know)

once you were ready though, he would go full protection mode

online, he’d make his support loud and clear, and while he’ll make mistakes from time to time, he has good intentions to heart

privately, he always tries to be subtle in his understanding if the topic or situation called for it

he’s proud of his friends (that’s a given), and will never hesitate to make it known that you are someone he admires for being themself

[thefanficmonster]

Phone Call Anxiety

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: When wanting to make quality merch, one needs a quality team there to produce and work on quality ideas. Great minds think alike. Great eyes see alike and great hands make alike - the three keys to the formula of creating a clothing line that will be fashionable and up to his brand. Luckily, Corpse knows just who to call.

Requested by Anon. Hi hun! Thank you so much for your wonderful request, I absolutely loved the idea! Sorry you’ve had to wait for it to be turned into a fic for so long, but I still hope you come across it and give it a read in which case I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

He’s not a fan of phone calls. Anyone who knows him even remotely is very well informed on Corpse’s distaste for phone calls and upholding a conversation over the phone. He’d even go as far as to say talking to a person face to face is less stressful for him than that previous option.

But still, seeing as how the person he’s trying to reach lives in a different state and is rather busy all the time, arranging an IRL meeting is basically impossible at the moment, and sending her a text results in running the risk of having the text overlooked or completely lost in the sea of notifications she probably gets on the daily.

Therefore, a phone call was his only proper way of reaching her. And it’s what’s got him pacing the room with his nervousness peaking.  He doesn’t know anything about this girl, nothing concrete at least. He was referred to her by Jack who brought her up in their passing conversation when Corpse mentioned how paranoid he was regarding his upcoming merch project. He specifically stated he doesn’t want anything basic and he wants the clothes to be fashionable, suitable for anyone no matter the age or gender and to be endurable. With all the love he has for his fans, he doesn’t want to give them anything less than what they deserve - the best.

“My friend’s the person you’re looking for.“ Jack said enthusiastically and confidently, “She helped me design the latest merch line I put out and I’ve never been more satisfied with my own merch. I’m planning on offering her a position in Cloak for her birthday. Make sure not to let that one slip out if you give her a call though.“ He warned half-jokingly. 

Bottom line, with that kind of intro, Corpse couldn’t help but let his interest be piqued. And so, he asked for this girl - Y/N’s contact info from Jack before he went to surf through her social media where she thankfully posted plenty of pictures of her creations, never failing to mention specifications in the caption of each picture so the viewers would get the perfect and most detailed idea of how high the standard for her work is.

And so he’s finally managed to talk himself into dialing her number that’s been sitting in his phone for weeks now. As he paces his living room, his nerves chewing him out like a dog would with a toy, listening to the ear piercing ring of the dial waiting to get picked up by the girl he’s trying to reach. 

Just then, Corpse’s head turns so that his eyes meet the glowing red numbers on his digital clock on his desk and he damn near hangs up the call right away - it’s half an hour past midnight. Fast as lightning, he removes the phone from his ear, his thumb flying over to press the red ‘end call’ button. Just then, a faint ‘hello’ reaches his ears, coming from the phone’s speaker. She’s answered the call.

He hurries to put the phone back up to his ear.

“Hey, sorry for taking so long to pick up, I ought to clean my desk eventually cause my phone was literally BURIED under a pile of papers.“ A cheerful sing-song voice rattles his stale and sleep deprived consciousness, as if awakening him from a half-dream state. “You’re either a wrong number caller or a last minute client, aren’t you? Need something done urgently?“

Corpse is taken the hell aback by her strong and downright awing first impression. Not to mention her energy at an hour unsuitable for calls. Lord knows he wouldn’t have picked up if her were in her spot. With the intention of not wasting any more of her time than necessary, he hurries to explain his situation. “Y/N, right? Um no, I’m neither actually. I was told about you by a friend, he said you were a real miracle-doer with fashion design.” He trails off for a second, not completely sure of how to hold this conversation, “Uh, sorry for the odd timed call, I lost track of time. I’ve been meaning to call you for hours now but I...I was nervous.” He cringes the second the word leaves his lips, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He doesn’t know why he wants to leave her with a great, better than realistic impression of himself but he does and as of now he deems his attempts as ultimate failures.

He hears her giggle from her end, rifling through what sounds to be papers, “Yeah, I’m her. And boy is it refreshing to get someone who’s calling with an actual purpose.” She sighs as if a weight’s been lifted off her shoulders, “And don’t worry about the phone call anxiety. Makes two of us, to be honest.”

This catches him off-guard. The last thing he’d expect is for this girl to have phone call anxiety. In fact, she appears to be a natural, God-given talent at carrying conversations and upholding chit-chat with people. Maybe he’s a little too quick to judge - probably, considering he’s ‘known’ her for less than five minutes and knows nothing but her occupation, her name and the state she lives in - but that bubbly persona she greeted him with gave off the impression that it’s immune to any and all kinds of social anxiety - or anxiety in general. To hear such an honest and counter-to-assumptions confession on her part rattles him a tiny bit. In a good way though.

“How does that work for you? Isn’t your whole job depending on your phone conversational skills?“ He doesn’t mind that he didn’t phrase that too perfectly or that he straight up blurted it out. He knows he’ll be understood. She’s obviously a person who understands. Not just something specific, but everything. She simply understands. How he drew this conclusion and how accurate it is, he may not know until further notice.

“Well...“ she sighs as if genuinely looking to give him a proper answer, “You see, after doing it for so long and having been caught off guard quite a few times with some absolutely absurd orders, I’ve grown prepared of literally ANYTHING and I have a line prepared for anything the caller has to say. I just no longer let them catch me off guard and it’s fine. Helps avoid any possible awkward silences.“

Corpse’s eyebrows shoot up, her explanation only raising more questions rather than providing answers. But he’s not gonna be the annoying dumbass asking those questions at close to 1AM and bugging her. After all, if she agrees to this partnership, they’ll be hearing and potentially seeing a lot more of each other soon. “Impressive, honestly. You’re gonna need to teach me sometime.“ He’s unaware he’s smiling until he catches his reflection in the window. However, he doesn’t bother hiding it. This conversation is actually making him feel good, serving as a reminder that he’s not the only one who periodically goes through turmoil over small things. 

She giggles again, this time the sound manages to draw a blush out of him, coating his cheeks, “I’d typically stray for revealing my secrets to professional success, but I’m willing to make an exception for you...” she pauses for a second as though she’s just now remembered something, “Oh shoot, I don’t even know your name.”

He wheezes out a nervous laugh, realizing he never introduced him, “Oh yeah, sorry, that’s my bad. My name’s Corpse, nice to meet ya.”

“Nice to meet you too, Corpse.“ Y/N replies, sounding pleased but teasing simultaneously, “Now tell me, you didn’t call me about my phone call secrets, did you? What may be the real purpose of your call?“

Oh shoot, he himself almost forgot what he was calling for. Luckily, the reference designs displayed on his computer screen remind him. “Right, well, I’ve been thinking of launching a new merch line either this month or the next, depending on how long the procedure will take, and I needed someone great on my team to make some merch actually worth the money people are paying for it. And, as I said, I was told you were in that ‘someone great’ category.”

“Told by who, if you don’t mind me asking?“ She briefly cuts him off, her voice now giving away the fact that she’s half-absent-minded in this conversation, added evidence be the ruffling of more papers on her end.

“Jack. I mean, Sean. You know, Jacksepticeye.“ Corpse explains, contemplating whether he should’ve ratted Jack out like that. Hearing the sound of delight Y/N lets out eases his worries ASAP though.

“Oh Gosh, I haven’t seen that cutie in so long! He’s like a brother to me so a friend of Jack’s is a friend of min-“ this time she cuts herself off so abruptly Corpse thought the line was cut or she hung up on him. She doesn’t let him wonder for long though, “Wait, wait, wait....Merch? And you’re friends with Jack?“ She pauses for a second once again, once again not a long enough second for Corpse to speak up. “You’re a famous YouTuber, aren’t you?“

He was completely unaware of the fact Y/N hadn’t realized he was someone famous yet. In fact, he didn’t think of it because he thought it wouldn’t be a big deal to her considering she’s friends with Jack-fucking-septiceye! In his mind, his ranking is far lower than Jack’s - despite that mindset being absurd - so the last thing he expected was for her to have some sort of impressed reaction to have been talking to him on the phone this whole time. Hell, she doesn’t even know his full YouTube name or what kind of content he produces.

“WAIT!“ She shouts urgently, startling him a tiny bit, “You’re Corpse Husband, aren’t you? Oh my God, yes you are, how didn’t I put it together sooner? Ah crap, I really need more coffee for this.“

“No! No, you need more sleep.“ Corpse hurries to correct her but is very clearly ignored or overlapped with the many sounds that are coming from her end, “What are you doing?“

“You’re getting the first rough sketch of a design by tomorrow morning.“ She says, taking a sip of whatever beverage she’s acquired for the purpose of keeping her awake, “You go ahead and get some sleep, I know exactly what I’m doing. Don’t worry about it.“

“I’m not worried about the design.“ He hurries to say before she, God forbid, hangs up on him, “It’s 1AM, woman, you need sleep! I don’t need those designs done by tomorrow. Hell, I don’t even need them this week!“

“You don’t, but I do.“ Y/N says, sounding almost breathless because of what seems to be overwhelming excitement, “You don’t get it - I’m designing merch for Corpse fucking Husband! You have any idea how crazy that is?“

“I personally would say it’s underwhelming. I mean, I’m no Pewdiepie, after all.“ He says, now sat at his desk with his free hand rubbing his temple as he stares at the designs he’s pulled up on his screen, ones he probably won’t need given that he’s now working with a professional.

“Oh, shut it.“ She chuckles, “Shut it and get some sleep, ok? I’ll talk to you in the morning.“

“Noooo...“ He leisurely stretches the word, “Tell me, Y/N, do you have Discord?” She clicks her tongue instantly, giving him a signal that the question he’s asked is bordering into the territory of ridiculous. He playfully rolls his eyes, “Alright then, lemme find you. If we’re partnering up on this, we’re both staying up.”

“You know you can just straight up tell me you don’t fully trust me with this? Like, I won’t be offended, I get it.“ She murmurs in-thought, the sound of clicking evident on her end. 

“You know you can just straight up tell me you don’t want me bothering you and want me to leave you alone?“ He mimics her statement, smirking to himself as he pulls up Discord, knowing he’s already won.

She huffs and tells him her Discord info, quickly adding a small comment, “...but only because great minds think alike. I know we’ll be getting along on this design pretty nicely.”

“Yeah, yeah, right, sure, whatever you say.“ He laughs, “Accept my friend request and let’s drop this phone call.“

“Hey! - um, before we do that, I just wanna say a quick thank you.“ Y/N murmurs quietly, as if half-hoping he doesn’t hear her.

“For what?“ Corpse asks, his brows furrowing, unsure if they’re on the same page about this gratitude.

“For never once triggering my phone call anxiety.“ She admits, “I mean, I know I said I have lines prepared for every conversation scenario possible, but you totally caught me off-guard.“ She giggles a tiny bit, now sounding dangerously close to nervous, “But, not in a bad way, if that makes sense. Sorry if it doesn’t, I need more coffee.“

“No, no, it does!“ He hurries to reassure her, “It really does. And thank you too. Thank you for, you know, tolerating my BS at this hour. God knows I would’ve ignored your call if our roles were reversed.“

He hears her scoff and can’t help but laugh, “Huh ok, I see.“ She says, sounding greatly triggered and mock-pissed at his confession, “I’ll make sure to think of that next time you call me after midnight. Or at all, ever.“

Laughing his butt off, the only thing Corpse can think of in this moment is:

Damn, this girl and I are gonna get along

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse

[ixiraider]

For the last few years, since JumpStart’s ownership, Neo has been so fucking difficult. The year-long lag episodes, the permanent closing of major site components that players loved (like Habitarium, Keyquest, Petpet Park, etc), the laying off of every damn artist on the site (and it has ALWAYS shown), the constant broken ass events or events just not happening at all, multiple instances of art theft, lying without remorse to players (people glossed over the “we can’t make UCs… actually we can but only for staff… OKAY we can for everyone but only if you pay microtransactions” thing sooo quick), etc etc. It’s been a nightmare & I have been stupid enough at points to try to defend it and stay optimistic. I stayed optimistic when I literally couldn‘t play for months because that one purple cloud event broke every webpage for me and caused it to lag so much it would crash my browser. I downloaded all the dumb shovelware apps and really gave them an earnest shot. Maybe Neopets Scrabble™️ will be fun! Lmao.

I’ve been a player since 2003. I still have my account from 2003. I still have pets that are nearly 20 years old. Some of my most beloved OCs, including ones who have been featured in work I’ve published locally and plan to put into upcoming novels and such, originated from Neopets. My parents faxed in the parental consent forms for me for my birthday when I was 11. I always bought shitloads of merch. When the Darkest Faerie came out I begged my parents to buy me a whole PlayStation 2 for Christmas JUST for that. I ate the Neopets CEREAL religiously until it was discontinued. I had Neopets merch I don’t even see people talk about, like Neopets school supplies lol. I have Neopets Zazzle shirts from middle school that I still wear as pajamas. I have spent an embarrassing amount on NC and I will even admit to resorting to black market illegal Neopet purchases in the past, not the scummy account hacking kind but the “hey, you have more NP than me and I want this item, I’ll give you some cash for it” kind LMAO. Hell, as annoyed as I am at TNT for flat out lying about UCs, I even said myself that I think that making UCs a microtransaction is a good idea and to be honest were it not for the NFT garbage I’d have most likely bought some. I also went on about how cute the Neopets Pride merch was! Even if just a rainbow capitalism cash grab, I thought it was really nice. I have IRL friends who bought some. I have always been “a consumer” when it comes to this site. I love it.

When Neopets first unrolled the HTML5 site redesign I even defended THAT. I thought it looked a little Fisher Price-y but I don’t think it’s awful. I like that it feels more immersive, I like that it’s pet-centric, I think it’s generally user friendly and cute. It’s not perfect, but it’s a respectable beta that makes the site feels dynamic in a way I can get behind. But my fucking God, as a whole this site has gone to shit and I don’t feel like it’s salvageable unless it was basically restarted from scratch. A hard reset with whole new upper management. There’s just no fixing this.

I keep saying it and keep saying it but I am just fucking shocked that a site entirely based on VIRTUAL PETS still cannot LOAD. THE. PETS. The pets themselves, except for on the main page and in their static “miniature” version on the side of the unconverted page layout, have not been converted from Flash. My own pet’s lookup looks like this:

But every week they’re able to release new microtransactions and lootboxes? Give me a break. This shit is insane.

We still can’t play the hundreds of games the site boasted (also the easiest way to achieve quick currency) beside like 5 poorly converted games that hardly work. We still can’t see any of the world maps (not even a placeholder unclickable image? Like 75% of the site maps weren‘t even flash to begin with?). The pages that have been converted do not work well and often freeze and glitch, which would be understandable as the site is supposedly still in beta form but I honestly do not have faith that these smaller kinks will be worked out and fear that these issues will just go unresolved. Hacking and security breaches are still a massive, constant issue.

And I’m still hung up on the fact that this is a virtual fantasy animal site with no competent artists. We joked about the Advent Calendar’s terrible quality last year but honestly, how was that acceptable.

Small things have (IMO) signified to me for a long time that the site was dwindling. Implication from staff behind the scenes that they are barely holding things together. The downgrade to only one new pet color per pet day. The lack of new plots or events. The death of flash felt like a nail in a coffin that has led to a much more rapid and pathetic death than before. I have gone from encouraging people to try Neopets, telling them that it’s not dead and it’s still around and fun, to straight up not recommending the site. I don’t even log in anymore. I tried to find things to do while waiting for the HTML5 conversion to be “finished,” or at least made less broken, but I could not respark that excitement, especially when half the pages I was going to were inaccessible without having to Google something convoluted and go through Jellyneo or something and the pages themselves would be half-converted and covered in tombstones. It’d be ironic if it wasn’t so sad.

I’ve been saying this for awhile but it’s very clear that Neopets does not care about its userbase. I used to think maybe they were just out of touch, but I have to believe at this point that JumpStart/NetDragon truly does not give a damn. TNT maybe — I do think this is largely an upper management issue. But it’s just not tolerable anymore. They will listen to some amount of pressure & frankly know how to placate people with short term friendly gestures, like lifting the LGBT ban or removing dated offensive terminology from certain pages. These are appreciated, but what do they mean on a larger level when the site is still lying to users, stealing from people, and refusing to listen to any substantial criticism that would require more effort to fix? What does it mean when JumpStart chooses to prioritize selling THOUSANDS of NFTs over converting THE PETS THEMSELVES on the actual damn site?

The NFTs are just too much for me at this point. I can’t continue to engage with this shit until/unless major changes are made. I still love Neopets for the nostalgia it gave me for like two fucking decades of my life. But I don’t really have any passion for the site anymore. I’ve moved over somewhat to PonyIsland, which is pay to play but so much better run, with a small but active player base and mod team, frequent events, just as much (if not more) customization but minus the microtransaction/lootbox nature and artificial scarcity, etc. And, y’know, I can actually see my pets. That’s a plus. Just goes to show that I will literally throw real money at websites if they can actually deliver a product that is worth it to me. Neopets has not done that for YEARS.

I really do encourage people to boycott the site. Cancel your Premium memberships. Stop buying Neocash. Get an Adblock app if you don’t use one already or (better yet) just log out for awhile. We all make fun of people who think that Neopets can die, y’all know perfectly well they’ll be fine while you’re inactive. Send in your complaints. I know that Neopets has always been Gambling For Babies but y’all can stop doing dailies for awhile in the name of Not Destroying The Environment with half assed pixels of cartoon animals bought with Monopoly money, right? Right?